Dirty Truth Fighting Dirty Ser Glenna Maynard

DirtyTruth

FightingDirtySeries

GlennaMaynard

This is a work of fiction. Names characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s
imagination or used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual people, alive or dead, business,
establishments, locals or events is entirely coincidental. Any reference to real events, business,
organizationsorlocalsisintendedonlytogivethefictionasenseofrealismandauthenticity.Allrights
reserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmittedby
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priorpermissioninwritingfromtheauthor.

Theauthoracknowledgesthecopyrightedortrademarkedstatusandtrademarkownersofthewordmarks
mentionedinthisworkoffiction.

BonusChapterBeauty&TheBiker

Dedication

Foranyonewhohasevertoldadirtyliewithgoodintentions.Weallhaveourdirtytruths.

Weallhavesecrets...dirtysecrets.

Fiveyearsago,Arialefteverythingandeveryoneshelovedbehindtostartanewlife.Shediditforlove,
butwhensheleftshehadasecret.Onesodirtyifitevercameout,itcouldruineverything.Ariahasbeen
harboringthedirtytruth,keepingitfromthosesheclaimstolovethemost.

Tylerhasneverbeenoneforrelationships,thatisuntilhemeetsAriaanddecidessomethingsareworth
fightingfor.HeknowsAriahasasecret,butsecretsalwayshaveawayofcomingtolight.

Cantheirlovesurvive,orwillthedirtytruthcostthemeverything?

Prologue

“Thiscannotbehappening,”ItellmyselfasIstareattheonewordthatchangeseverything,positive.

“No.” I shake my head as I scream at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. “God, please no.” I look

downatthetestagain.Thewordpositiveispracticallyjumpingofftheplasticapplicator,doingadance,

andtossingconfettiinmyfacewhilelifelaughsatme.Nope,thisisn’tadream.Thisisreallyhappening.

Mydadwillkillme.Whydidn’tIlistenwhenFayetoldmetogoonthepill…Brianleavesforcollegein

twoweeks.

“Twoweeks!”Istompmyfootinprotestlikeitcanchangethefact.ThefactthatIhaveruinedmylife.

WhatamIgoingtodo?Ican’ttellBriansomethinglikethis,notwhenheisabouttolivehisdream.

Playingcollegebaseballhasbeentheonlythinghehastalkedaboutsincewewereseven.Ican’t,I

won’truinthisforhim.Ijustgraduatedhighschool;Ican’tbeamom.I’llcallFaye,shewillknowwhat

todo.Fayeismymother;sheresidesinMiamiFlorida.

ShehasbeenlivingtheresinceIwasnine,Iusuallyspendoneweekeverysummerwithher,andthe

restoftheyearIlivewithmydadinWestVirginia.Myparentsdivorcedbecausemymomhadadrinking

problemandmydaddyrefusedtolivethatwayanylonger.

“Faye,Iscrewedup.Iscrewedupbad.”

“You’repregnant,aren’tyou?”shegetsstraighttothepoint.

“Yes,”Iwhisperafraidofwhatmyfutureholds.

“Aria,ifyoulovethisboy,lethimgo.Youwillcomelivewithmeandwewilldothistogether.I

knowIhaven’talwaysbeenthemomyouhavedeserved.Don’tyouworryaboutJimeither;Iwillsetyour

daddystraight.Ifyoudon’twantthisbaby,thereareotheroptions,”shesays,attemptingtosoundsincere.

Twoweekslater,Ihavemademydecision.IknowwhatImustdo.ThisisoneofthehardestthingsI

have ever had to face. I have loved Brian as long as I can remember. He deserves to have his dreams

cometrue.IfIdon’tendthisnow,Iknowhowhewillreact.Hewillbelikeeveryotherassbackwards

personinthistown.

Hewillgiveuphiscollegescholarshipforajobinthecoalminestosupportmeandourbaby.Ican’t

doomhimtomydaddy’sfate.Besides,thewayBrianactswhenhedrinksscaresme.Idon’twanttoraise

a baby in an environment like that. One where the father resents the child and the mother turns into a

ragingalcoholic,Igrewupthatway.Iwillnotbringachildintothatkindofexistence.

Brian is coming over later tonight to say goodbye before he leaves for the training camp he is

requiredtoparticipatein.Iwasdisappointed,butnowIknowit’sbetterthathewon’tbehere.Hecan

neverknowthatIampregnant.HisfamilywouldjustthinkIamtryingtousehimasmymealticketoutof

thistown.Thescoutssayhehasarealshotatgoingpro.

I’mnotreadytobeamomandcan’tbringmyselftohaveanabortion.Ijustcan’tdothat,especially

whentherearepeopleinthisworldwhowouldgiveanythingtohaveababy.Adoptionismybestchoice,

andBrianwillneverhavetobeawareofanyofit.

I can feel the vibration from his stereo as he pulls his pickup truck into the driveway. That boy is

goingtoneedhearingaidsbythetimehereachesthirty.

Iobservehimfrommylivingroomwindowasheexitsthetruck.Hisbrownwavyhairhangsright

abovehisears.Heappearsanxious,wearingaLouisvilleCardinalst-shirt,khakicargoshorts,andflip

flops.Thenithitsme,thisisthelasttimeIwillseehimwalkinguptomydoor.Thisisoneofmylast

nightslivinginthishouse.HowamIgoingtolivemylifenotseeingthefacesofthetwomenwhomean

moretomethananythinginthisworld?

FayesetJim,mydadstraightallright.Afteraveryheatedphonediscussionandagoodearchewing

forme,daddyfinallyagreedthatitwasbestIlivewithmymom,ifthiswasgoingtobemychoice.Ihave

alwaysbeenadaddy’sgirlaslongasIcanremember.Thedisappointmentinhisvoicewhenwehadour

talkwasbonechilling.IshudderatthethoughtandcontinuetogazeoutatBrianashemakeshiswayup

the long, winding walkway. Brian is tall and lean, but very muscular. He takes a lot of pride in his

appearance.

Iamgoingtomissthewayhesmilesatme,likeIamhisforever.Thewayhemassagesthetipofhis

earlobe when he is uneasy. Or when he is playing baseball, how he sticks his tongue out to the side in

anticipationwhenheisgettingreadytoconnecthisbatwiththeball.Thegoofylopsidedgrinhegivesto

thecrowdwatchingfromthestandswhenhehitsahomerun.Yousee,notonlyishemyboyfriend,buthe

has always been my best friend as well. So, keeping something so life altering from him is tough. My

wholelifehasrevolvedaroundthisoneboy.Ican’tbelieveIamabouttogivehimup,andmyonedream

—tobewithhimalways.

He doesn’t even bother with the doorbell and lets himself inside. That boy has been doing it ever

sincehewasallowedtoridehisbicycleovertomyhouseafterschool,notlikemydadiseverhometo

notice. Poor man has worked his whole life to take care of me. Before I came into the picture he had

thoughtsofbecomingadoctor.

But he put his life aside for mine, and I know that he has regrets. Don’t get me wrong, I know my

fatherlovesme.AlbeitIthinkhewouldhavebeenjustfinewaitingafewmoreyearsbeforeIcameinto

thepicture.

Brian wraps his arms around my waist and snuggles his chin into the crook of my neck, giving me

littlekisses.Standingnotmuchshorterthanhim,myhairislong,darkbrown,andnaturallywavy.Iam

slim,withnotmuchofabust.Ihavealwaysbeenathletic—Iwascaptainofthedanceteam.

Iturntofacehim,andhisgreeneyesaremirroringmyown.Theyaregloomytoojustlikemymood.

“Thisismylastnighthomeforawhile,andIwanttohaveafewdrinkswiththeguysbeforeIleave.”

Heseesmypout.“Comeon,IsupposeIpromisedyouarideontheFerriswheel.”Theyalwaysholda

senior fair for the graduating class, in a way it is a final send-off; it always reminds me of the movie

Grease.Butmylifeisn’tamovie,andwearen’tDannyandSandy. Our happily ever after won’t exist

aftertonight.

AspromisedhetakesmeontheFerriswheelfirst.Itisanolderonewithdeepbucketseatsandthe

sun has started to set. We are stopped at the very top. The bucket seats rock gently, making my nerves

spike. I don’t think we will fall, but I can’t help the thought from crossing my mind. A nervous giggle

escapesmypursedlips.Brianpullsmyfaceclosetohisforakiss.

Caressing my tongue with his own, he sighs. “I am going to miss tasting your lips every day.” He

brusheshisthumbovermybottomlip,tracingtheoutlineofmymouth,withhiseyesclosed.

“Ditto.”Ikisshimagainaswedescendtothebottom.Myheartisbeatingsofast,IknowIneedto

breakupwithhimsoon,butI’mselfishandwanttoenjoybeinghisgirljustalittlewhilelonger.

WeplayafewcarnivalgamesandBrianwinsmethreestuffedbears.Takingmyprizestohistruck,

giveshimtheopportunitytohaveabeerorfourwithafewofhisfriends,leavingmetomyownthoughts

forafewminutes.Idon’tknowhowtodothis.ShouldIcauseasceneandhumiliatehim?OrshouldI

makehimjealouswithanotherguy?Ishrugthatthoughtaway.Ican’tdothattohimormyself.Ilovehim

toomuchforthat,andhewouldneverbelievethatIamcheatingonhim.I’venevereventhoughtofbeing

withanyoneelse,ever.NotoncehasthethoughtofdatinganyonebutBriancrossedmymind.

Whenhecomesback,Icantellhe’sbeendrinkingalotintheparkinglotwithhisbuddies.Hiseyes

havethatglossylooktothem.Idon’tlikewhenhegetsthisway,heactsignorant.

He’salreadygettinggrabby,slurringsomeofhiswords.

“Lo-lovelovemygirl.”Hefumbleswiththestrapofmyshirtandattemptstograbmybutt.

Ontherollercoaster,hetriestoputhishanddownmyshirtdespitemytellinghimtocutitout.

Afterwerideafewmorerides,hetakesmeouttothewoodsforawalk.Iambitingmynails;Ifeel

likeImaythrowupthecorndogIjustdevouredmomentsago.Hebacksmeupagainstatallpinetree.

Brian places his hands on both sides of my face, keeping me in place. He slides his fingers under the

spaghettistrapsofmywhitetanktop.Hishandsbiteintomyskinashetriestopushmystrapsdownmy

arms.

“Stop,Brian.”Inudgehimgentlyinthecrotchwithmyknee.

“Aria,youknowthisisn’tgoodbye,itisonlyforalittlewhile.”Hepepperssmallkissesdownmy

throat. I suck in a deep breath as he caresses my face, being softer than before. The tenderness of his

mouth, envelopes me so much I almost forget he is talking between kisses. “Next year after.” Smooch.

“Yougraduate.”Nibble.“Beautyschool.”Kiss.“Well,that’swhatIwanttotalktoyouabout.”

He stops kissing me and lifts my chin to meet the seriousness of his expression. My heart is in my

throat.Pleasedon’tlethimdowhatIbelieveheisabouttodo.Thenmyworstfearisbroughttolifeashe

goesdownononeknee.

“Aria,I’velovedyoumywholelife,andandIIamgoingtocontinuelo-lovingyouther-restofmy

days.Domethehonorandsayyou’llmarryme.”

ItakeasidestepawayfromhimandbracemyselfforwhatIneedtodo.It’snowornever.Timeto

endourrelationshipbeforeIchickenout.

“Brian, I love you more than I probably will ever love anyone in my life. But there is something I

havetotellyou.”Thetearsstarttoleakfrommyeyes.HeknowsIamabouttostabhimintheheart,butI

havenochoice.Hewillhatemeeitherway,butatleastthiswayhewillgowithoutmeholdinghimback.

“I’mnotgoingtoschool.YouknowhowIusedtosayIwantedtotravelandbeamodel.Well,Iam

goingtostaywithFaye.YouknowshelivesinMiamianditisagreatcitytogetmyfootinthedoor.Plus,

sheaskedmetocome.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,shewantsmethere.Andshesaidshewouldhelpme

withmodeling.Sheknowsanagentandeverything,”Iliethroughmyteeth.

“Aria....Youdon'tmeanthat.”Hestartspacinginfrontofme,lookingattheground.Hestopsrightin

frontofme,asadlookinhiseyes.“Youcan'tmeanthat,“YOU.LOVE.ME!”Hebeatshishandonhis

chestoverhisheart,hisfacesoberingwiththeaction.“Whataboutourplans?Youweregoingtogoto

beauty school and move to Louisville with me once you graduated. It is all we have talked about for

months!”Brianhastearsofangerrollingdownhisface.Itiskillingmetohurthimlikethis,butIwanta

betterlifeforhim.Iowehimsomuchbetterthanthis,butitisallIcanofferhim.

“Brian,thosewereyourdreams.Notmine.Thatlifeyouhadplannedisn’ttheonethatIwant.Idon’t

wanttobetrappedinasmalltownlife.”Iturnawayfromhim,thepainfromthedamageIhaveinflicted

flashing behind his eyes is about to tear me down. I’m destroying him. Who does this to someone they

love?IguessIdo.Ihavenothinglefttoloseandneedtodrivemypointhome.Ineedhimtohateme.

“You’re lying, Aria. I know you wouldn’t do that to me—to us. What’s really going on here?” He

seizesmyarmwithforce.

“I’mnot.IammovinginwithFaye.Thisisthelasttimeyouwillseeme.I’msorry,”Iapologize.My

kneeinghiminthegroinforceshimtoletmego.RunningoffthroughthewoodsasfastasIcan,Istumble

afewtimes,butmanagenottotrip,eventhoughI’mblindedbymytears.Alowsobhiccupsinmythroat,

asItrytopullmyselftogether.

Gettingtotheoppositesideofthefair,Ispotagirlwholivesonmyroad,andhitcharidewithher.

Shedoesn’taskquestions.Shekeepsthestereoonlowandletsmediealittlemoreontheinsidewith

everymilewedrive.

Ithankherfortherideandgoinside.Mydadisatwork,asusual.Iflopdownonmybed,takingin

allthatIamgivingup.MyroomispaperedinphotosofBrianandme.Sincekindergarten,it’sbeenthe

twoofus.Ineverhadmuchneedforotherfriends.IalwayshadBrian.

He shows up at the house an hour later beating on the front door. He pounds his fist so hard, I’m

afraidhe’sgoingtospilthisknuckles.He’sscreamingmynameandbeggingmetolethimin.Ican’t,I’ll

breakifIdo.Iwatchhimthroughtheblindswithabrokenheart.

Ihavetocallhisolderbrothertocomemakehimstopbeforehebreakshishandorsomeonecalls

thepolice.Ican’tdealwithhimwhenhegetsdrunkandangry.Hehasneverhurtme,butitonlytakesone

timeforsomeonetogoovertheedge.

HisbrothershowsupandBriantakesaswingathim.Chasemanagessomehowtotacklehimandsits

onhischestuntilhecalms,somewhat.

Finally,hemanagestowrestlehimintohistruck,andIgobacktomyroomtofallapartonmyown.

Oneweeklater,ImovetoMiami,Florida,withFaye,mymother.Brianishundredsofmilesaway

livinghisdream.Myheartiscrushed.Mymotherhadtohavehernumberchangedandmadeprivateto

stophiscalls.Butthatdoesn’tstoptheemails,andnomatterhowmuchIhavetried,Ican’tbringmyself

todeletemyaccount.It’smylastlinktohimandthelifethatshouldhavebeenours.

Intime,hewillmoveonandforgetallaboutme,andyet,Iwillthinkabouthimfortherestofmylife.

Apieceofmediedthenightweended.Ispentallofmylifebuildinghimuponlytotearhimdownin

theend.

ChapterOne

Almost five years have passed since I have seen Brian, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of

him.Myson,ourson,hauntsmewithhismemorydaily.Heissomuchlikehimineveryway,fromthe

colorofhishairdowntohistoes,helookslikehispersonalmini-me.Ihadeveryintentionofgivingmy

babyupforadoption,butoncehewasplacedinmyarms,IknewIjustcouldn’tgivehimup,ever.

Thisdayisalwaysbittersweet.TodayisJace’sbirthday,andwitheachpassingyear…Ifeelguilty,

thatIhaverobbedmypreciousboyofhisdaddy.

Heturnsfourtoday,andIintendtomakeithismostexcellentbirthdayyet.NowthatJaceisolder

andgettingtobeofschoolage,I’mgoingtobeworkingparttimeatIndigo,astripclubownedbyRightful

BastardsMC.Mymomistheoldladytotheclub’ssergeantatarms,Bender.Iliveinherhousewithher

andhestaysmostlyattheclub.Idon’tknowhowsheputsupwithhim.Heusuallyonlyturnsupwhenhe

wantsawarmmealandanightinherbed.

It does no good to speak my mind about it though. She’s a grown woman and can make her own

choices.Besides,Benderdidgivemeajobathistanningsalon.Theclubownsalotofbusinesses.They

take care of their own and they have helped take care of me when I’ve needed it. At first glance the

Rightful Bastards are intimidating, giving off the appearance they wouldn’t piss on you if you were on

fire.

Ifitwasn’tforthemIwouldn’thavehadhelpwatchingJaceandadecentcartodrivewhenIstarted

working. When I showed up penniless and pregnant, mom and Bender made sure I had everything I

needed.Ididn’twantforanything.

Iknowafewguysfromtheclub,butnotmany.Theyrarelycomebymom’shouse,andInevergoto

theclubhouse.AfewmembersstopinthetanningsalontotalktoBenderonoccasionandtheirwivesand

girlfriendstanhere,eventhoughweliveinMiami.Aspraytanismuchhealthierthanthebedsorthereal

thing.

TylerMathewsstopsinthemost.I’mnotsurewhathisroleintheclubis,itisn’tmyplacetoknow

either.

MommadesureIunderstoodnottoaskquestionsoranythingabouttheclub,unlesstheinformationis

givenonaneedtoknowbasisfromdayone.Ididn’tevenknowBenderwaspartofaclubforthefirst

monthIwashere.

I’llneverforgetthefirsttimeImetTyler.ItwaswellafterIhadgivenbirthtoJace,hewasalready

two.TylerhadcomeintothesalontotalktoBender.Heclearlywasamanwhotookcareofhimself.His

eyeswereroamingallovermybodyasIstoodbehindthecounteransweringthephone.

I held my finger up as I took a call coming through. It was someone wanting yearly pricing. He

continuedtogazeatmybody,likehewasundressingmerightthereonthespot.

Ireturnedhisgazetakinghimin.Standingat6’4andweighingagood250lbs,appearingallmuscle,

withanicetancomplexion,hewaspleasingtotheeyes.Hishairwasdarkblackishbrown,styledneatly,

andhehadsmolderingdarkeyes.Thekindofdarkeyesyoucouldgetlostin.Dressedinasuit,hewas

deadsexy.Icouldseethehintofatattooonhisneckunderthecollarofhisshirtandanotheronthetopof

hishand.

“CanIhelpyou?”Iaskedafterendingthecall.

Hesmirked,contemplatinghiswords.“Yeah,youcangotodinnerwithme.”

“Dinner,”Irepeatedtheword.

“Yeah, you know…I pick you up take you to a nice restaurant and buy you a meal.” His left eye

twinkledwithmischief.

And that smile—hot damn, he was a charmer. I could’ve been a goner, but he was there to see

Bender. A reminder that we could never date, with his being a member of the club, something I wasn’t

reallylookingtogetinvolvedinafterseeingmymotherandBender’srelationship.

I promised Faye I would start dating again. But after a blind date from hell last year, I decided I

wasn’treadytoputmyselfbackoutthere.ThenwhenFayebecamesick,Iknewasociallifewastheleast

ofmyworries.

But,todayisaboutJaceandFaye.Ifearitmaybethelastbirthdaymymothergetstocelebratewith

us. Her health has been declining. She has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The prognosis isn’t

good.

Thebillskeeppilingup,nowthatsheisnolongerabletowork.Sherecentlystartedchemo,butit

hashadnoeffect.ShekeepssayingIshouldjustsendhertoahospicecare,butIcan’tdothat.Iwon’t.

Nowisn’tthetimefornegativethoughts.IcannotwaittoseethelookonJace’sfacewhenhegetshis

cake;itisdecoratedtoappearasifalivebaseballgameisbeingplayedonit.Heisfascinatedbysports

ingeneral.Givetheboyaballandheiscontentforhours.Hisbedroomisfullofbats,balls,gloves,and

helmets.Fayeputdecalsofballsandbatsonhiswalls.Sheevenfoundhimthecutestlamptomatch.

Thisyearforhisbirthday,Iwasabletofindagreatdealonatwinbedandsportsthemedbedding

from a consignment shop. It’s time he starts sleeping in his own room. It breaks my heart to think he’s

growingsofast,butIknowIcan’tcoddlehimtoomuch.Idon’twanthimtobeasissy.

A few of his friends from daycare are coming to his party and our sweet neighbor, Caroline, who

watcheshimwhenIcan’taffordchildcare.Thisfallhowever,he’llbestartingschool.Carolinehasbeen

ablessinginmylife.Sheisaretiredschoolteacher,andgreatwithJace.

IhaveJaceandFayetakinganapbeforethepartystartssotheyarebothfullychargedandableto

enjoyit.

I’mwaitingforTylertoarrive,hepromisedtopickupthecakeandhelpmedecorate.

He has been a really good friend to me these past few months. He isn’t looking for a relationship

either, and besides he is now my boss, he manages Indigo. Besides, I get the feeling he doesn’t do

relationships.InallthetimeIhaveknownhim,he’sneverhadasteadygirlfriend.Igettheimpressionhe

isalove‘emandleave‘emtype.

I don’t know when we went from shameless flirting to great friends, but I can’t imagine my life

withouthiminit.

Helookssosillycomingdownthestreetwithahandfulofballoonstiedtohiswristandbalancinga

cakeinhisarms.Idon’tmindhisbeingaroundJacesinceweareonlyfriends.ThoughIhavetoadmit

seeinghowintriguedJaceisbyhimmakesmewonderifheismissingoutbynothavingapermanentmale

figureinhislife.Thenagain,canhemisswhathe’sneverhad?

IknowIsureashellhavemissedmyowndaddysinceImovedheretolivewithFaye.ButafterIleft,

daddystarteddatingandlivinghislifeforhim.IstillseehimwhenIcan,buthealwaystravelstoFlorida

tovisitme.Ican’tchancearuninwithBrian’sfamily.OnelookatJaceandtheywillknowwhatIdid—

keptBrianfromknowinghehasason.

I still keep up with Brian; I read things here and there online about him. He has recently gotten a

divorceaccordingtooneofthosegossipsites.

I don’t know if I can believe everything I read though. Brian hasn’t mentioned his troubles in the

emailshesends.AlthoughIguessapersoncanchangealotinafewyears.IknowIcertainlyhave.Igrew

upquickonceIhadJacedependingonme.Inevermadeittobeautyschool.ItakewhateverjobIcanfind

that pays the most. I had thought I would draw the line at stripping, but when Tyler offered me a job, I

couldn’trefuse.MymomandJacearecountingonme.SincemomgotsickBendercomesaroundlessand

less.Iknowhehatesseeinghersickandinpain,butsheneedshim.

Ibelieveifhewerepresentshe’dhavemorefightleftinher.SomedaysIfeelshehasgivenupall

together.Especiallythedaysshedoesn’twanttoevengetoutofbed.

Tylerandmefinishsettingupthedecorationsandrefreshments.HefiresupthegrillandIwakeJace

uptogethimreadyforhisbigday.Fayetakesherplaceinherrecliner;shespendsalotofhertimeinit

thesedays.

Thehouseweliveinisn’tlarge,butitisdecentenoughforthethreeofus;Faye,Jaceandme.Itisa

rental located in a quiet enough neighborhood. I would never be able to afford it on my own. It is

decorated nicely—quaint, with a French Country Cottage feel to it. Most of my mother’s furniture is

antiquesshehascollectedfromdealersandswapmeets.Youwouldthinksheisanoldladybyhertaste

indécor.

FayeandBendercouldn’tmakeanymoreofanawkwardpair.He’sleatherandshe’slace.

We have a blue floral couch and yellow floors for Christ sakes and the doilies, blah. But the

chandeliersheputupoverthediningtablegivestheroomamodernchicvibe.

Mompaidtherentupforayearwhenshefirstlearnedofhercancer.I’veonlybeenresponsiblefor

the utilities and our cost of living, but the lease will be coming up for renewal eventually. Bender has

offeredtopayourbills,butmymomistooproudforthat.Sayssheknowswherehegetshismoneyand

wouldn’tfeelrightacceptingit.

Iwishshe’dlethimhelpout.Lordknowsweneedit.No,mymotherwouldratherstarvethantake

hishandouts.Theirrelationshipisafuckedupone—oneI’llneverunderstand.

Tylerwalksintothekitchentogetthehotdogwienersforthegrill,andJaceinstantlylightsup.

“Ty,”hesquealstryingtowraphistinyhandsaroundhishugetattooedones.

“Hey,buddy.”Heruffleshishair.“HappyBirthday!Howoldareyanow?Youhavegrownaninch

sinceIlastseenya.”

Jace smiles a lopsided grin to match the one I have seen countless times coming from Brian. He’s

followingTyleroutsideonhisheelslikehe’shisshadow.It’ssweet.

Inoticemomlookingweepy.

“Don’tstart,nottoday.”

“Seeinghowhisfacelightsupwhenheisaroundhim,Ican’thelpbutwonderifImadeamistakein

theadviceIgaveyou.”

“Hey,itwasmydecisionintheend,andIstandbyit.Peoplearestartingtoarrive.Wecantalkabout

itlater,okay?”Icanhearchildrenlaughingandplayingontheswingsetoutsidethroughanopenwindow.

Shestartstocry.Shit!Iwantedtodaytobeahappyday.Fayehasbeendoingthisalotlately.For

somereasonoranothermymomhasitinherheadthatsheneedstofindJaceadaddybeforeshedies.

SheneedstorealizeJacehasadad.Ijustchoosenottoincludehiminourlives.Itwouldn’tbefair

for me to reach out to him now, especially with all the troubles he has. News like this might push him

completelyovertheedge.AndIdon’tplanonherdyinganytimeinthenearfuture.

“Faye,Iknowyouwantwhatisbestforus,butIdon’tneedamantobehappyandneitherdoesmy

munchkin.”

“Iknowthat,butIjustwantbetterforhimthanwhatJimandmegaveyou.Ipromisetobeonmybest

behavior,butyou’reafoolifyoucan’tseethewaythatmanlooksatyouandJace.Icanseeit!Idon’t

careifyouarejustfriendsorwhathisplansare.Sometimeslifehasawayofdecidingthingsforyou.”

“TylerandIareonlyfriends,andIintendtokeepitthatway.Besides,I.Am.Not.Ready!”Istress

eachword,enunciatingthemslowly,hopingshegetsthepoint.Subtleandmindingherownbusinessare

nottwothingsshedoeswell.

“It’s been well over five years Aria! I know you are hanging on to that fantasy in your head that

somedayyouwilltellBrianthetruth,butlifeispassingyouby.Don’tmissoutbecauseyouaretoobusy

hangingontowishesonstarsaboutwhatifs!”

Sheslowlymakesherwayoutthedoorleavingmetosimmeroverherstatement.Whatshedoesn’t

knowisthatalthoughit’struethatIhaven’tspokentoBriansincewebrokeup,itdoesn’tmeanhehasn’t

beenemailingeverysooften.Ihaveneverrepliedtoasingleoneofhismessages,butthathasn’tstopped

himfromsendingthem.

In fact, I received his latest one a few days ago. Faye thinks I get all the information about him

offline,butIhearitfromhimthroughhisemails.Atfirst,theystartedouttellingmehowhewassorry…

for his behavior when we broke-up. He told me all about his new friends in college and about playing

baseballforhisdreamteam.

Thentheyturnedintoalmostajournalofsorts.Hebeganpouringhisheartouttomeabouteverything

he was going through, from the pressures of trying to be the best, to falling in love again. That was the

hardesttoread.Itwassohardatfirstnottoreachouttohim,tosendonereply.Hell,justtosayanything

atall.WhenIlostBrian,itwaslikelosinghalfofmyheart.

Fayeisrightthough,Ihaveheldontohopethatsomedayfatewillcrossourpathsagain,andhewill

forgiveme.Ihavetypedhimthesameemailahundredtimes.Thefirstlineisalwaysthesame,withme

answeringtheonequestionheasksattheendofeachmessage.

Brian: How do you keep on going on with your life? Because I live in the space between

yesterdayandtoday.Aria,Iliveinmydreamswithyou.

Me:Iholdontohopethatonedayallthestarswillalignandyouwillbecomemineoncemore.

That’swhathaskeptmegoingBrian,thepromiseofyou…

However,everytime,Ihitdelete.Icanneverbringmyselftopresssend.Ishouldhavedeactivated

my email long ago, but it is almost like a drug for me, my very own Brian fix. Memories of him, what

once was, and what could have been, are the teardrops that stain my pillow. I feel lost somewhere

betweenthemoonandthestars.

ChapterTwo

Tylerpopshisheadthroughthedoor.“Hey,sugar,youreadytoplayhostess?”Iswear,everysingle

time“sugar”rollsoffhistongueIfeelflushed.

“Yeah,I’msorry,myheadgotawayfrommeforaminute.”

“Fayelooksgreattoday,don’tworryabouthersomuch.”Heslapshispalmagainstthedoorframe

andgivesmeaminutetogetmyselftogether.

NowIfeellikeaselfishbitch,becausemymom’shealthwasthelastthingonmymind.Timetoget

myheadoutofthecloudsandgetwithit,Jaceiscountingonme,andonlyme.

Steppingoutsideandseeingthesightofmylittlemansurroundedbyhisbuddiesisenoughtowipeall

thenegativethoughtsfrommymind.Herunsovertomeandsays,“IlovethisMa!”

Jaceblowsouthiscandlesanddigsintohiscakeandpresents.Tylerexcuseshimselftohiscarand

comesbackwithafootballshapedpiñata.Ofcourse,hedrivesacarthatdisplayshowfuckinghotheis.

Hedrivesablack’78Firebirdwhenheisn’tridinghismotorcycle.Thatcarjustscreams“cometakea

rideonthewildside.”Ifthebeautifulbodyofthecarisn’tenoughtocatchyourattention,thepurrofthe

enginewillgiveyouacargasm.

Tylerhangsthepiñatalowfromatreeinthebackyard,andallofthekidsareeagerlywaitingtheir

turntoswingthebat.HetellsJacethathegetstogofirstbecauseit’shisspecialday.Jaceisalreadyso

competitive,justlikeBrian.Heevenhassomeofhissamemannerisms,tuckingtheloosewavesofhis

sandybrownhairbehindhisearasheadjustshisgriponthebatandtakesapracticeswing.Hewearsa

look of pure determination on his face, and his little tongue sticks out a little to the left. He drills the

piñataandscreamsinexcitement.Hishairfallsbackinhiseyesashejumpsupanddownwaitingforhis

nextturn.

IknowIneedtohavehishaircut,butthismomwantstoenjoyherlittlemanhavingcurlsjustabit

longer.Heissomuchlikehisfatheritalmostfrightensme.Idon’twanttothinkaboutthatnowthough.I

directmyattentiontobacktoTyler.

“Thankyou,foreverythingtoday,youdidn’thavetodoallofthis.Ireallyappreciateitthough.”

Hesmileswarmly.Andgivesmeasidehug.“Iwantedtodoit,andyoudon’tneedtothankme.I’d

doanythingformylittlebuddyandyou.Tomorrowisyourfirstnightattheclub,right?”Inod.“I’llbe

there,soifyouneedanythingcomefindme.”

IturneddownhisinitialoffertobeadancerattheclubbeforeIcavedinandacceptedhisfinaloffer.

Themoneywasjusttoogoodtopassup.

Hewipesanervousbeadofsweatfromhisbrow.“Wantmetostickaroundandhelpcleanup,Idon’t

mind.I’mnotpickingmydateupuntilseven.”

Idon’tknowwhy,butIfeelapangofjealousyatthethoughtofhimhavingadate.

“HeisyourfriendAria—andyourboss!Shakethosethoughtsrightnow,”Iscoldmyself.

Iclearmythroat.“Adate,thatis…awesome!”Igushwithfakeenthusiasm.“Youhavealittlebitof

blueicingonyourshirt,soyoumaywanttochangefirst.”Iwipeathisshirt,feelinghismusclestenseat

mytouch.Hiseyesareintenseashelooksdownatme,andIwonderwhathe’sthinking.“Who’sthelucky

lady?”Iask,tryingtolightenthemoment.

“Ihaven’tmetheryet,it’sablinddate.Crashsetmeupwithher,afriendofhiswife.Hername’s

Crystal,Ithink.”Heshrugsasthoughhisdateisthelastthinghewantstodotoday.

“Youthink!Youhadbetterfindoutbeforeyoupickherup.”Iteasinglypunchhimontheshoulder.

“Goon,getoutofhere.”

Hetakesmeintoabearhug,andsqueezesmetight.Hislipsbarelybrushmyneckinawhisper.The

feelingofhiswarmbreathagainstmysensitiveskinmakesmefeelabitdizzy.Ifreezeinplace,unsureof

howtorespond.Thesmallgestureofaffectioncatchesmecompletelyoffguard.Ithinkhekissedmeby

accident,soItakeanawkwardstepback,andplacesomemuchneededdistancebetweenthetwoofus.I

don’twanthimhavingthiseffectonme,buthehastheabilitytoconsumeme.Heknowsittoo.Partofme

thinkshelovestowatchmesquirm.

Thewayhe’sgazingatmegivesmeafeelingthathewantsmorethanIcangivehim.Itscaresme

sometimeshoweasilyIcouldfallforhim.

He’sbeeninvitingmetoridewithhimandcatchanoccasionalmovie,butIusuallydon’thavethe

timeorasitter,outsideofwork.TylerevenusesJaceasbaittotryandluremeoutwithhim.Thethought

issweet,butIamafraidthatI’lldosomethingtoruinourrelationshipandIcan’tloseanotherfriendthatI

caresomuchabout.Ineverwasmuchonhavinggirlfriends.Tylerisjusteasytobearound,evenifheis

hotashell.

“So,havefunonyourdatetonight.”IpunchhimagainandrunoffafterJaceforanexcusetogetaway

fromhimbeforeIembarrassmyselffurther.

WhenIlookbackhe’swalkingtohiscarwithhisheaddown.

Momisgettingupfromherseat,andIrushovertoher,shelookssoweak.

“Whatwasthatallabout?”

“I’mnotsurewhatyouarereferringto.”

“Youcan’tfoolmegirl,thetwoofyoujusthadamomentbackthere.”Mymom’seyesnarrowinon

me,andIhavetolookawaytoescapeherguilt.Allittakesisonelookfromhertoputmeinmyplace.

Fayeputsherarmonmyshoulder,leaningonmeforsupport.Thepartyhastakenmoreoutofherthan

Ithought.ImotionforCarolinetohelpmegetherinthehouse.Thetwoofusgetmymomsettledinher

recliner.IthoughtBenderwouldmakeanappearancebuthe’sanoshow.Idon’tknowwhymombothers

totalktohimatall,butshe’sonthephonewithhimnow,tellinghimallaboutJace’sparty.

CarolineofferstotakeJacenextdoorforasleepoverwithhergrandson.“Child,letmetakehimfor

thenight.Danielisspendingthenightwithme,soyouwillbedoingmeafavorgivinghimJacetoplay

with.”

“Allright,butifhegetswhiney,givemeacall,andIwillwalkstraightoverandgethim.”Igiveher

my“Imeanitstare.”Idon’twanthimwearingouthiswelcome.

“We will be fabulously entertained. You should go out for once. I can check in on Faye too.” She

givesmyhandagentlesqueeze,urgingmetolivealittle.

IsnatchJace’sovernightbagandsendthemontheirway.Anightoutwouldbenice,butIdon’teven

knowwhereIwouldgo.Icleanupfromthepartyanddebategoingoutfordinneralone.Instead,Itakea

nicehotshower,andIfindmyselffeelingcuriousaboutTyler’sdateasIwashmyhair.

I wonder if he is having a good time? I hope so. Then just maybe Faye will scrub her thoughts of

Tyler and me becoming something more form her mind. “Yeah, right,” I say with a snort, watching the

sudsswirldownthedrain.Ifonlyitwerethatsimple.

Wrappingatowelaroundmyself,Icreepintothelivingroom,tryingnottowakeFaye.Shelooksso

peacefulinherslumber.Igrabmyphone;it’sflashingwithanewalert.JustasIamabouttoslidethebar

acrosstocheckit,thereisalighttapatthefrontdoor.

Jace must have decided to come home. Not thinking about only being dressed in a towel, I let the

doorfallcompletelyopen,onlytobemetbyTylergapingatme.

Bitingtheinsideofmymouth,I’mnotsurewhatheisdoinghere.Hejuststandstherenotspeakingor

moving.Ican’thelpbutstareback,gettinglostinhiseyes.Thereisonlyoneemotionfoundinthem,lust.

Thisisn’tgood.ForaspiltsecondIthinkofjustdroppingmytoweltothefloorandbegginghimtojust

getitoverwithandfuckme.Wehavebeendancingonthisfineline—onthevergeofmorethanfriends,

ontheedgeofmaybeformonthsnow.

“Shit! I’m sorry, come on in and give me a second to put some clothes on. I thought you were

Caroline;she’skeepingJacetonight.”

Notwaitingforhimtorespond,Iquicklyturnandspeedwalktomybedroom.Mycheeksareadeep

crimson.Ineedtogetagrip.Idon’twanthimtolookatmelikethat;heismyfriend.

Attractivepeoplecanbefriends,can’tthey?Suretheycan.That’swhatI’mtellingmyselfanyway.

Agirlisallowedtofantasizethough.Ithinkabouthimstormingintomyroomwithoutaninvitation

andtakingwhathewants.

MyasscheeksarestillslightlywetasIhurrytoslipmypantieson.Idresshastilyyankingapinktank

andblackyogapantson.Ipilemywetdarkhairintoamessybunontopofmyhead.Peekingdownthe

hall towards the living room, I spy Tyler scooping Faye out of her chair and putting her to bed in her

room.

Heisthesweetestguy.IneverwouldhaveexpectedhimtobedoingnicethingsforuswhenIfirst

methim.He’sintimidatingandhistattoosaremenacing,butdamnsexy.

“Iwillnotruinourfriendship—Iwillnotruinourfriendship,”Irepeatthemottotomyselfundermy

breathasImakemywayintothekitchen.Ineedaglassofwine.TylerjoinsmeasIstarttopour.

“Gotanyofthatforme?”

“Itookyouformoreofabeerman.”IlaughundermybreathasIpourhisglass.

“I am, but I have seen the inside of your fridge too. I know there’s not any in it, and I could use a

drink.”Heplaceshishandtohisheadusingitlikeagun.

“Yourdatewasthatbadhuh?”Itakesipfrommyglass.I’mnotreallysurewhatelsetosaytohim.

An awkward silence fills the room. I swear I can hear his heart beating. He starts tapping his fingers

againstthecounter,likeheistenseaboutwhatheisabouttosay.

“Mydatewasadisaster.Idon’tknowwhyIagreedtogointhefirstplace.Thereisn’tmuchpointin

involvingmyselfwithanyoneisthere?”Clearly,it’sastatementmorethanitisaquestion.“Shewasn’t

clubmaterial.Maybeaone-nightstand.ButIcanhavethatanytime.”

“Idon’tknow…canyou,”Itease.Ilickthebackofmyteethandtakeanothersip.

Hefollowsmylead,havingatasteofhisown,spittingitoutimmediately.“Thistasteslikeass.”

Thedisgustedexpressiononhisfaceispriceless.

“Andyouknowwhatasstasteslike?”Iaskwithasmirk.

“Nextquestion?”Hesayswithachuckle.

Igrinshakingmyhead.Tylerisprobablyveryexperiencedinthebedroom.

“Um?”Iblankonacomeback.

“I said next question, Aria.” When he says my name his voice sounds deeper, smoky, and full of

yearning.

Heislookingatmewithhopeinhiseyes,asheleansinclose.Chillbumpsfanacrossmyarms.I

hopehedoesn’ttrytokissme.Idon’tknowthatIwillbeabletoresisttheurgetokisshimback.

Tyler only takes the wine bottle and leans back. I feel slightly disappointed that he didn’t try. We

standforwhatseemslikeaneternityinanintensestaredown,thetwoofusundressingtheotherwithour

owneyes.IfeellikeIamsuckedintoanotheruniversewiththewayheisgazingatme.Itconfusesthehell

out of me. It has always only ever been Brian to make me feel this way, and Tyler just breezes in and

makesmefeelthingsIshouldn’t.

“I’mcallingitanight.Ihaveafulldayatthesalontomorrow,beforemyfirstshiftatIndigo.You’re

welcome to finish off the ass wine. Crash on the couch if you want to. I don’t want you drinking and

driving.”

“Nah,Iwasabouttoheadout.I’llseeyoutomorrow.”Hekissesmycheekwithawhisperedtouch

thathintsoflongingformore,beforedisappearingoutthedoorinaflash.

IhearhismotorcyclefireupandwishIcouldhoponthebackofitandforgetmyworriesforone

night.

Slippingbetweenmycoolsheets,IwishmorethaneverthatIhadmylittlecuddlebughomewithme

tonight.Ifitweren’tsolate,Iwouldwalknextdoorandbringhimhome.Myphonechimes,lookslikeI

haveanewemailfromBrian.Itakeadeepbreathandopenitup.

Brian:It’sbeennearlyfiveyearsAria.Asimplehellowouldbenice.Idon’tevenknowifyou

arestillreadingthese,butIhopethatyouare,ifyoueverhaveatall.Doyoustillthinkaboutme?I

drove by your dad’s place the other day. I even almost caught myself trying to go in without

knocking. Your dad wasn’t home. I hope to run into him before I head back to Cincy. It would be

nicetohearfromyou.Ihavebeeninhellsinceyousaidgoodbye.Ihavetriedtogetoveryou,butI

can’tseemtoletgo.SomedaysIthinkIhateyouforallthebrokenpromiseswenevermade.How

didyoumoveon?Istillliveinmydreamswithyou.Itwillalwaysbeyou.

Me: I hold onto hope that one day all of the stars will align and you will become mine once

more.That’swhathaskeptmegoingBrian,thepromiseofyou…

My phone chimes again and without thinking I go to check my new notification. My finger

accidentallyhitssend.“No!Fuckity,Fuck,Fuck!”Inallthistime,notoncehaveIbeensostupidand

careless.

IamadumbasswithacapitalD.Myphonestartschimingalmostimmediatelywithemailafteremail

fromBrian.

Brian:Ariaisthisyou?

Brian:Talktomeplease!

WhatdoIdonow?HowdoItakesomethinglikethatback?Imean,IloveBrian,butIchosetolie

forareason.Couldheeverforgiveme?Wouldheeverforgiveme?

Me:Yes,it’sme,butIcan’tdothisBrian.I’msorry.

Brian:Ijustwanttotalk.

Me:I’mlostsomewherebetweenthemoonandthestars,sodon’ttrytofindme…

It’s late enough that Jace should be asleep. I turn my phone off and do something I never do. I use

sleepaid.Ineedtogettobed,andtomorrowisgoingtokillme.Ican’tbeupallnightdealingwiththis.

TomorrowwillbemyfirstnightworkingatIndigo.I’manervouswreck.

AfterdreamingofBrianallnight,Iwakefeelinglikeacrazyperson.InoneofmydreamsBrianwas

kissing me, or at least I thought it was Brian. However, when I opened my eyes, it was Tyler’s face

lookingbackatme.IshakemyfuckedupdreamsoffandwalknextdoortogetJace.

HehadagreattimestayingoverwithCarolineandhergrandson.He’salreadyhadbreakfast,sohe

playsonhisNintendoDSwhileIgetready.

IdressinmyredpoloandkhakishortsthatIamrequiredtowearattheBeachGlowTanningSalon.

Taking my clothes for my first night at Indigo with me as well, I am thankful I can get ready in the

employeebathroomtosavemeanextratriphome.

Idropmyboyatdaycare.Jacewavesmeoffatthedoorwithoutasecondglance.Helovesgettingto

playwiththeotherkids.

Carolineispickinghimupforme,andgettinghimtobedforFaye.Idon’tknowwhatwewoulddo

without Caroline, she is a Godsend. I wouldn’t be able to work as much without her. She checks in on

momformeandhelpswithJacemorethananyoneshouldhaveto,butbeingasinglemom,Itakegood

helpwhereIcangetit.

FortodaybeingaMonday,thesalonisquietthismorning.Ihopethisdaypicksupanddoesn’tjust

dragby.IspotTylergoingforhisworkoutatthegymconnectedtothesalon.Heusuallycomesoverand

says hi before getting started. Odd…then I realize he isn’t working out alone. There’s a short redhead

drooling over his muscles and tattoos on the elliptical next to his weight bench. It would be better for

bothofusifhedidmeetsomeone,butIdoenjoyhiscompany.

I check the tanning booths making sure they are stocked with everything; towels, bed cleaner,

protectiveeyewear.AsIwork,Ican’tstopthinkingaboutTylerdating.Idon’tknowwhyitbothersme.

ThemoreIthinkabouthimwithsomeonewhoisn’tme,themorejealousIget.Idon’twantanyoneelse

onthereceivingendofhissmilesandthecomplimentshetossesmyway.Maybethatmakesmeselfish,

butIdon’twanttolosehimorourfriendship.

Iamdraggedfrommythoughtsbymyotherboss.ChrissyisBender’sdaughterfromhisfirstwifeand

shemanagesboththetanningsalonandthegym.“HeyAria,gettingyoureyesfull,”shesayswithasmirk,

followingmyeyestoTylerandhisworkoutbuddy.

“Nope.”IturnawayfromTylerandpretendtobeorganizingthelotionsbehindthecounter.“Didyou

haveagoodweekend?Anythingexcitinghappen?”Sometimesshecomesinandfillsmeinonsomeofthe

gossipfromtheclubhouse.Mostlyaboutthewhoreswhogotintoitwithanoldlady.

Shetypesoutaquickresponseonherphonebeforeansweringme.“Notreally,”Chrissysays,asher

phonedings.“Youlookrealbusy,I’lljustletyougetbacktowork.”Shescurriestotheofficeinaflash

whilemakingaweirdfaceatherphone.

ChapterThree

I’m bent down arranging the bottles on the bottom of the shelf when someone hits the bell on the

counter.Ijumpoutofinstinctandbangmyheadontheshelfknockingthefulldisplaysideways.

“Shit!”Irubthetopofmyheadandslowlyrise.

“Aria,youokay?”

Mycheeksmustbebeetred,anditjusthastobeTylerstandingontheothersideofthecounter.

“Wantsomehelp?”Heasks,butdoesn’twaitforaresponse.Hecomesaroundthecounterandstarts

pickingthebottlesupandplacingthemonthecounter.Himbeingbackheremakesforatightspace.He’s

solargeanddomineering.

He’s dripping with sweat from his workout. My eyes land on his naked, but tattooed chest. Heat

poolsbetweenmythighs.Whydoeshehavetolooksodamngood.Ifhewasn’tsuchagoodfriendora

memberofBender’sMC,thenmaybethingswouldbedifferentbetweenus.

MaybeifIwasn’tstuckinthepast.

I close my eyes and answer with a clipped, “thanks.” It comes out harsher than I intended. I do

appreciatehishelp.Ijustwishhedidn’tlooksodamngooddoingit.

After Tyler helps me put the display shelf back together he leaves, telling me he’ll see me tonight.

Shit,IalmostforgotI’mstartingatIndigotonight.

Chrissycomefromherofficegrinningeartoear.Shewasprobablywatchingthewholethingfrom

thesecuritymonitorinheroffice.

“Don’tyoustartonmetoo.IgetenoughofitathomefromFaye.”Ipointmyaccusingfingerather

annoying smile. They have got to stop trying to play matchmaker. Her and Faye must still be working

togethertogetmeaboyfriendandJaceadaddy.

“Hey,Idon’tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout.”Sheholdsupherhands,andflashesaguiltygrinat

me.TobeinherthirtiesChrissylookslikeateenagerstill.Shehaspixiecutblondehairwithsomelow

lights.She’sslim,tall,withanicetan,andblueeyes.She’smarriedtoPotter,anothermemberofRightful

BastardsMC.Shewasraisedintheclubandofferslittleinformationaboutthelifeotherthanwhenshe

hasjuicygossiptoshare.

Casuallystrollingoutofthelockerroom,Tylerwavesbrieflybeforeexitingthebuilding.Iwaveand

gobacktothesprayroom.OneoftheperksofthejobisIgetfreesessions.

Turning on the lights, I change into well, nothing, I want to look good for tonight and Chrissy

promisedtohelpme.

She’sallbusinessasshegivesmeagoldenglow.

Finally,Iamabletotakemylunchbreakatanearbybistro.Iturnmyphonebackon,Icompletely

forgotthismorning.HopeFayehasn’ttriedtocallorJace’sdaycare.Youneverknowwheneitherofthem

mightneedsomething.

Myword,thereiseightmoreemailsfromBrian.IdowhatIshouldhavedonealongtimeago,andI

deactivatemyaccountwithoutevenreadingwhattheysay.ThenIcallmydadtomakesurehesteersclear

ofBrianwhilehe’sintown.

There isn’t any answer. I sure hope he hasn’t bumped into him already. I finish with my break and

headbacktothesalon.Ispendtherestofmyshifttakingcallsandsigningnewmembersup.

BeforeIknowit,itistimetogetreadyformyfirstnightatIndigo.IhavetoconfessthatIamquite

nervous.Ihaven’thadajoblikethisbefore.Idancedinhighschoolsure,butthatwasnothinglikethis.

Wearingamaskwilltakesomegettingusedto.Allemployeesandcustomersarerequiredtoweara

masquerademasksatalltimes.IhopeIdon’tfallflatonmyface,wearingheelsandamaskmightprovea

challengeforaklutzlikeme.

Idressinatightfittingblackdress,butnottootight.Iwanttobeabletomovearoundeffortlessly.

MydresscutsdownintoaV-shapeinthefrontandback.Islideintomyblackkittenheels.Iwon’treceive

mymaskuntilIgetthere.

ChrissywhistlesasIwalkoutthedoortomycar.Ifighttheurgetoflipherthebirdasafewguys

catcallme.

Indigohasmescheduledtoworkthenextthreenights,whichalsohappenstobetheirslowernights.

Tyler said they thought it would be better to ease me into the position, due to my lack of experience

workinginaclublikethis.Let’sjusthopeIdon’tcausehimtoregretit.Iamprettyluckyhewasableto

get my foot in the door, from what Chrissy has said they don’t hire as often as one might think. I enter

throughthebackdoor.ImmediatelyIamoverwhelmed,therearehalf-nakedgirlseverywhere,rushingto

completetheirhairandmakeup.

Walkingintoacloudofsmoke,hairspray,andfeathers,Istepbackoutoftheway.I’mnotquitesure

where to go, or who to talk to. After a few minutes, a plump lady with a headset and clipboard comes

overtome.

“YouAria?”

“Yes,”Ianswerabittooexcitedly,mynervesaregettingtome,andIbegintogiggle.Idon’tknow

whyIdoit,butIhavegiggledwheneverIamnervoussinceIwasachild.ShelooksatmelikeImightbe

stupid, and instructs me to follow her. She has me take a seat at a dressing table, and begins applying

blushtomycheeksandredlipsticktomylips.

“Areyouwearingabra?”

“Uhno,notwiththisdress.”

Shereachesaroundtomychestandcupsmybreastsinherhands.Ifighttheurgetoslapherhands

away.Whatisshedoing?Ididn’tsignontobefeltupbysomestrangelady.

“You’re about a ‘C’ cup. Here put this on.” She reaches me a flesh colored adhesive bra from a

drawer.

Theydefinitelyaren’tshyaroundhere.Placingaglitteredsilvermaskinmyhand,thewomantells

metogouptothebarandaskforErinafterItakecareofmyboobs.

Beforesheturnsmeloose,shegivesmealistoftablesandinstructsmetomemorizeit.Beingthat

tonightismyfirstnighttheyjustwantmetoshadowtheErinchicktogetafeeloftheclub.Iwon’tgetto

danceuntiltheydeemIamready.

Iswivelmyheadaroundtheroomtryingtogetafeelfortheplace.Theenvironmentofthecluboozes

sex.IswearIcansmelllustandgreedintheair.Thelightsaredimandthemusicleveliscomfortable,

nottooloudbutnottooloweither.

Theboothsarelinedinredandblackleather.Thetablesareroundwithblacktops.Thebarareaisn’t

thatbig,mostcustomersseemtoflocknearthestage.

Iglanceoverthedrinkmenu.Theyoffereverydrinkyoucanthinkof.Andtherearesomanyrules!

Wow,Idon’tknowifmymindcanholdsomuchnewinformationwhenIamsoanxious.Agiggleescapes

mylips.ItakeinTylerneartheclubentrancecheckingID’s.Hegivesmeasmallwinkandreturnstohis

task,heisallbusinessinhissuit.Whowouldthinkabikerwearsasuit,butdamn,Tylermakesitlook

good.Thepantsclingtohimlikeasecondskin,stretchingoverhisthickthighs.

Aspotlightshinesonthecenterstage.KatyPerry’ssong,E.T.beginstoplayoverthespeakers.Aset

ofthreegorgeouswomenappearonstagewearingcoordinatingbustiersandpanties.

Iwatchthemdanceforamoment,whilehopingIwillhavethenervetogetuponstageliketheydo

whenthetimecomes.Thosecostumesareabitrevealing.Irespectthemthough.Hey,ifyougotit,flaunt

it.Thisisnothinglikedancinginthestrippoleclassthegymoffers.Ispotagirlstaringinmydirection.

ShemustbeErin.Ihopeshe’sfriendly.Afterfiveyears,Istilldon’thavethatmanyfriendshere.

Erinseemsniceenough.Ican’treallytellwhatshelookslikewithherfacecoveredpartiallybyher

blackfeatheredmask.FromwhatIcantellabouthershewearsherhairinashortblackbob.It’snotlike

Icanseemybestrightnow,wearingthismaskwilltakesomegettingusedto.Ispendmostofmyshort

shiftlearningthetablesectionsandwhatseemslikeathousandrules.

TheRules

1. Noemployeefraternizationbetweenclubmanagersorpatrons.

2. Maskmustbewornatalltimes;noidentitiesaretoberevealed.

3. Thisisnotabrothel;youdonotacceptmoneyforsexualfavors,orofferthem.

4. Anyemployee,orpatroncaughtviolatingtheruleswillbeescortedfromthepropertyimmediately.

5. Drugsarenotpermittedinsidethisfacility.

6. Nodrinkingduringyourshift.Youarenothereforagoodtime;youareheretowork.

7. Youarenotpermittedtotakeclubcostumeshome.

8. Leaveyourpersonalproblemsatthedoor.

9. Weareinthebusinessofprovidingafantasy,makethecustomershappy.

10.Memorizetherules,breathethemin,andabidebythem,fully.

Thelistgoesonandon,butIgetthepoint,theywantyoutokeepthefantasyjustthat,afantasy.My

shift ends fairly quick, but I have to admit my feet are killing me. I am used to spending my days in

sneakers.Rulenumberonehasmealittlenervousthough.Tylerisamanager;doesthatmeanwecould

lose our jobs because we are friends? Also, he sees me daily at my other job. I will call him later to

check.Idon’twanthimgettingintoanytroubleoverme.IdidenterintoacontractwhenItookthisjob,

maybeIshouldhavereaditalittlemorebeforesigning,buttoolatenow.

Ihaveaquietdrivehome,normally,Iwouldhavemystereoblasting,butIhavetoomuchrunning

throughmymind.AsIamturningintothedrivewayIgetacallbackfrommydad.

“HeySis,justseenwhereyouhadcalled.Didlittlemanhaveagoodbirthday?DidtheclothesIsend

fithimalright?”

“Yeah,thanks.Heisgoingtolooksocuteinhisjerseysandballshorts.Hehadagreattimeplaying

withhisfriendstoo.ButthemainreasonIcalledyouisBrianisbackintowndaddy.Iknowyoudon’t

needmetoremindyouthathecannot,underanycircumstancesfindoutaboutJace.Ifhecomesaround

askingaboutme,youneedtoavoidtalkingaboutmeliketheplague.”

“NowSis,youknowIhaveneverbeenagoodliar.But,Iwilldomybesttokeepyoursecret,evenif

Idon’tagreewithit.Yousurearemakingithardonyouroldmantohaveasociallife.Isurewouldlove

toshowoffthempicturesyousentmeofyoutwototheguysonpokernight.”

Icanjustseemydaddyscratchinghisgruffbeardlikeheisdeepinthoughtanditbringsateartomy

eye.Imissseeinghimsomuch.

“Oneday,daddy,youcan,justnotrightnow.”

“Wellbabygirl,itsurewasnicetohearyourvoice.NexttimeIcall,you’llhavetoputlittlemanon.

BesuretotellhimPopsismissinghimandwishesIcouldhaveeatenapieceofcakewithhim.”

“Iwilldaddy,Iloveyou.”

Weendourcall,andIamthankfulthatheistryingsohardnottoletthecatoutofthebag.Ihead

insideandpeekinonJaceandFaye,theyarebothsoundasleep.Whileheatingupsomeleftoversfrom

yesterday’scookout,IsendTyleratextandtellhimweneedtotalk.Heinstantlyshootsbackthathewill

meetupwithmeforlunchtomorrow.Itexthimbackandlethimknowtomeetmeattheburgerjointnear

work. My breaks are only a half hour, so I can’t go too far from the salon. Most days I pack a little

somethingfromhome.Ifinishoffmylate-nightmealandgetsnuggledintobed.TwentyminuteslaterIam

awakenedbyatextfromTyler.

Tyler:Youawake?

Me:Amnow.

Tyler:Feellikehavingsomecompany?

Me:Nottonight,it’sbeenalongday,andIhaveanotherfullonetomorrow.

Tyler:Noproblem,seeyouforlunch;)

Didhereallyjustsendmeawinkyface?Menandtheirmixedsignals.Ugh! I grumble burying my

faceintomypillow.Isnuggledowninmypurplecomforteranddrifttosleepwithahugesmileonmy

face.

IenduphavingtocancellunchwithTyler.Jace’sdaycarecallsasIamheadingtomeetwithhim,he

fellontheplaygroundandscrapedhiskneeonthesidewalk.Theyareafraidheisgoingtoneedstitches.I

callChrissyandletherknowthatImaynotbebacktofinishmyshiftandexplaintoherwhat’sgoingon.

Thank goodness she understands about my being a single mother. I text Caroline to let her know that I

won’tbeneedinghertopickJaceuptodayafterall.

AfteranhourintheER,Jaceendsupwiththreestitchesinhisknee.Myboyistoughasdirt;heonly

letonesmallteartrickledownhischeekwhilethedoctorstitchedhisknee.Thereisn’tanypointinme

trying to finish my shift at the tanning salon, so I treat my tough little man with ice cream for being so

brave.

TylertextsmewantingtomakesureJaceisokay,andIdecidetoinvitehimtojoinusforicecream,

beingthatIhadtocancellunch.Plus,Ireallywanttotalktohimbeforeworktonight.Iwanttomakesure

Idon’tdoanythingthatwouldgeteitherofusintroubleforbreakingtherules,bybeingfriends.

I don’t know exactly know how involved the MC is with the strip club, but I know they are pretty

harshwhenitcomestoabidingbytherules.IoverheardBendertalkingonenightwhenhewasspending

thenightwithmomandlet’sjustsaytheyaren’tmenyouwanttopissoff.

WemeetinanearbyparksoJacecanplaywithhisbittyballsetwhilewetalk.Ifeelabitawkward

havingtonegotiateourfriendshiplikeasecretbusinessdeal,butIdon’twanttocausehimanydifficulty.

“Aslongasyoudon’tteasemetoomuchwiththemhotlegsofyours,workwon’tbeaproblem.It’s

notsomethingyouneedtoworryabout.Besides,Iamtheboss.”Hewinksatme.

Awaveofreliefwashesoverme.

“So,whatdidyouthinkoftheclub?”

“It’s a lot to take in.” I blush. “That place is intense. It just screams sex. How is it you work in a

placelikethatandhavemanagedtostaysingle?Imean,youaresurroundedbybeautifulwomenallthe

time.”

“WorkingatIndigoisexactlywhyIamsingle.Mostwomenaretoojealousofmyworkingthere,and

iftheycan’ttrustme,thentheyaren’tthegirlforme.Besides,I’llletyouinonasecret.”Hedipshishead

down, bringing his mouth so close to my ear, it’s almost unbearable. With each word, he is almost

touchingmyskinwithhislips.Hisbreathseductivelywhispersagainstmyskin.It’scallingtome.Daring

metoturnmyneckintohimjustenoughsothathislipsbrushuponme.“Alotofthegirlswhoworkinthe

clubsarelesbians.”

Ilookathimwithmymouthagapeandheimmediatelystartschuckling.

“Justwait,theywillbetryingtohitonyou.Whydoyouthinktherearesomanyrules?Womenare

prettycatty,andifthegirlsdateeachotherthejealousycancausesomeprettynastyfights.”

Ismackhischest.“You’refullofshit!”

“I’mprettyfull,butnotofshit.Iampuremuscle,sugar!”Heflexeshisbicepsatme,andIrollmy

eyes.

“So,youdon’thaveanoldladystashedsomewherelikeBenderhaswithmymom?”Igetserious.

“Nah,notfoundtherightoneyet.Ifandwhenthetimecomes,Idoubtmywomanwillhavemuchof

anythingtodowiththeMC.I’mstingyasfuck.Idon’tshare,andIlikekeepingshitseparate.”

Hishonestymakesmesmile.He’sgoingmakesomewomanveryhappysomeday.

WesitshouldertoshoulderwatchingJaceplay.Hekeepsgrinningatusashetakesaswing.

ChapterFour

IcatchontomyjobatIndigofairlyeasy.Iammakingfriendswithafewofthegirlsaswell.Erin

keeps teasing me, saying that she catches Tyler staring at me all the time. I tease her, if she weren’t so

busygettinghereyesfullofTylershemightgetmoretips.

“Girl,thatmanisfine,andifyou’renotgoingtohitthat,thereisalonglineforminginwait,”she

says,wigglinghereyebrowsatme.

Iknowsheisonlyteasing,buthercommentdigsdeepundermyskin.Now,I’mself-consciousthathe

reallyisstaringatme.Ialsodon’tliketheideaofanyonebeinginterestedinhim,evenifIdon’thavethe

righttocare.

IamstandingatmyhostesspodiumwaitingforthenextpatronstobeID’d.Tonight,Iamseatingthe

guests.Ihavetotrainforeachposition;Iamnotaspotlightdancer,soIhavetorotatebetweenserving

andseating.Dependingontheposition,mymasksandoutfitchanges.

I adjust my red feathered mask so that I can see clearly. The club is getting packed and fast. I am

runningonadrenaline.It’sallIcandotokeepup.Myfifteen-minutebreakcan’tcomefastenough.Isteal

aglanceattheline;agroupofthreeisallthat’sleftfornow.Icheckmyscreentoseewhattableisopen.

I handout their required black masks. They already smell a bit intoxicated. Asking them to please

followme,Iescortthemtotheirboothandletthemknowthattheirserverfortheeveningwillbewith

themshortly.AsIturntoleavesoIcantakemybreak,oneoftheguysgrabsmefirmlybymywristand

rubshimselfagainstmyass.Itrytojerkfromhishold,buthedoesn’tletgo.Hepressesthebulgeinhis

pants further into my backside. He barely gets the words out, “come on gorgeous, I just want to have a

littlefun,”beforeTylerisonhimthreateningtosnaphiswristsifhesomuchaslooksatmeagain.

“Heyman,it’scool,Igetit.Yousendthiscockteaseoutheretogetushorny,sowewillspendmore

onaprivatedance.”

“Whatdidyoujustcallher?Idon’tthinkIheardyouright.You’reinmyhouseboy.Ieatlittlepussy

dickslikeyouforbreakfast,lunch,anddinner.You’dlookrealfunnytryingtodigyourheadoutofyour

ownass.Yafeelme?”IsweartheveinpoppingoutofTyler'sneckisbiggerthanmyarm!Ihavenever

had someone feel the need to be protective of me like this before. Something about the primal way he

defendsme,likehehasclaimedme,turnsmeon.

Mykneesareshaking,andIamgigglinginapanickyfit.Idon’twantTylertopunchthisasshole.He

isclearlyjustadrunkendouchethatcan’thandlehisliquor.Steppingbetweenthem,IgrabTyler’stensed

armandsoothinglyaskhimtowalkaway.Ileadhimbacktothedancer’slounge.It’semptyrightnow.

When they aren’t on stage, walking the floor, or giving private dances, the girls hangout in here. It is a

smallbutcomfortableroom.Thereisahugesofathattakesupthecenteroftheroomwhilethereisabig

screen TV anchored to the wall that shows different camera angles from within the front of the club. I

havefifteenminutesuntilIhavetogetbackoutfront.

“DoesmytemperscareyouAria?”Helooksdownatmytremblingknees.

“No,youexciteme,”Ianswerhonestly.

Heappearssurprisedbymywords.

“DoIturnyouon?”Heasksasheslidesmymaskbackovermyhair.Theveininhisneckispulsing.

Hissmolderingdarkeyestakeholdofme.Hecupsmyfacegentlyinhislargetattooedhands.Takinga

deep breath at the base of my neck, he breathes my scent in. “You smell intoxicating, like the sunshine

afterastorm.”

He steps in even closer, placing his knee between mine. Sliding his hands down the front of my

bustier,hepullsontheribbonthatlacesupthefront.Hefreesmybreasts,cradlingtheminhishands.

“Doyouwantthis?”

“Yes,”Iletoutinanexasperatedvoice.

Justasheisabouttograzemynipplewithhistongue,thesoundofthedoorslammingshutsnapsus

bothoutofthemoment.Quicklyturningmybacktowhoeverhaswalkedinonus,Ibeginre-lacingmytop.

“Don’t stop on my account. I enjoy a good show.” I am swimming with relief to hear Erin’s voice

fillingtheair.Tylerexcuseshimself.Ican’tevenbeartofacehimasheleavestheroom.OnceIhearthe

doorshutagain,IturntofindErinstaringatmeandherexpressionisaskingquestionsIdon’tknowthe

answersto.

“Don’tworry,mylipsaresealed.I’mjustgladsomeoneisgettingtotapthatfinepieceofmancandy.

ButIwantdetails!Iknewyouwereholdingoutonme.”Shepracticallypoutsassheslidesmymaskback

downontomyface.

“I’vegottogetbacktomystation.”Iwalkhurriedlypastherasmoregirlsstarttocomethroughthe

door.

“ThisconversationisnotfinishedAria!”Shewinksatme.

Ican’tbelieveIletmyselfgetcaughtupinthemomentlikethat.It’sclearthatIamgoingtohaveto

distancemyselffromTylerinorderforthistowork.Nomatterwhathesays,Ican’taffordtobecareless.

IpromisedmyselfIwouldn’tgetinvolvedwithaguyfromBender’sMC.

Thankfully,IwillbeworkingatthetanningsalonforthenexttwodaysbeforeIhaveanothershiftat

Indigo.Hopefully,IwillbeabletododgeTyler,beforeImakeamistakeIcan’ttakeback.I’mgoodat

that—makingmistakesIcan’tchange.

IsendaquicktexttoCarolinetomakesureJacehasn’tbeenpickingathisstitcheswhileIwaitfor

morepatronstocomethroughthedoor.

Sheassuresmehe’sfine,andIdon’tseeTylertherestofmyshift.OnceIgethome,itdoesn’ttake

sleeplongforsleeptoclaimme.

TheringingofmyphonewakesmefrommysleeparoundoneA.M.“Babygirl,you’regonnahaveto

talktoBrian.Heshowedupatthehouseafewhoursago.Hewasdrunkerthanaredneckatamoonshine

festival.He’spassedoutonthecouchnow,buthewasspoutingoffabunchofnonsense.AllIcouldmake

outwassomethingaboutmoonsandstarsandyourname.”

“Shit!Daddy,whatifhegetsallnosyandfindsapictureofJaceormyaddress,youhavegottoget

himoutofthere,”Idemand,raisingmyvoice.

“Nowlookhere,youain’tgonnatakethattonewithme.Youmaybegrown,butIamstillyourdaddy.

Youain’ttoobigformetotakeaswitchtothemleg’sforusingthatlanguageonyouroldman.Thishere

messisyourdoing.It’sdamnneartimeyoufesseduptothatboy.”

“Daddy,youknowwhyIcan’tdothat,hewouldhateme,”Itellhim,exasperated.

“AndJace,whatchathinkhe’sgonnathinkofyouoncehe’soldenoughtounderstandwhatyouhave

donewithyourlies?”

Tearsstreamdownmycheeks.“That’snotfairdaddy,”Isobintothephone.

“Life’snotfair,butthatdon’tmeanyoucankeepgettingonthiswayforever.TimetogrowupAria.”

Click.

Mydaddyjusthunguponmeanditpissesmeofftonoendthathe’sright.

I pull a notepad from my nightstand and start writing a letter that I have tried to write a thousand

timesbuthaveneverbeenabletofindthewords:

Brian,

Thereisnoeasywayformetodothis.Ihavebeenacowardforfiveyears.Afraidofwhatyouwill

thinkofmeonceyouknowthetruth.Buthereitgoes.Ihaveason,WEhaveason.HisnameisJace.

Herecentlyturnedfouryearsold.IknowthatIcannevergetbackforyouthetimeIhavestolenfrom

thetwoofyou.Ijusthopethatintime,youmaysomedayforgivemeformybetrayal.Ionlywantedfor

youtohaveagoodlife,toliveoutyourdreamsinthediamond.AndyouandIbothknowthathadI

saidyesthedayyouaskedmetomarryyou,youwouldhavenevermadeittoyourfieldofdreams.

Iripthepaperoutandcrumbleitintoatinyball.Ican’ttellhimlikethat.It’snotsomethingIcando

throughane-mailoroverthephone,either.Ilaymyheadbackonmypillowandtrytosleep,butIamso

restless.Walkingoutontomyfrontstepsforsomefreshair,IseeCaroline’slampison.Iwalkoverand

givealighttaptoherdoor.Onelookatmeandshehandsmeherbottleofwine.

Herhouseissmallandamirrorimageofoursasfaraslayout,butthedécoriscompletelydifferent.

Everythinghasanorientalstyletoitfromherlanternlightstoherlargerugs.

“Wanttotalkaboutit?”Shecurlsbackuponherchaise.

“No.Ihaveonlymanagedtomakeamessofthingsonceagainistheentiretyofit.”

AfewminuteslatermyphonechimeswithamessagefromTyler.

Tyler:Youawakesugartits?Ineedtoseeyou.

AtthispointIamtipsyandnolongercare.ImeanwhatelsecanImanagetoscrew-uptonight.

Me:Comeonoverthewineisfine.

IkissCarolineonthecheekandtellherTyler’scoming.Shewinksatmeandpushesthewineintomy

handsonceagain.

Tylermakesitoverprettyfast.

HepullsuponhismotorcyclemomentsafterIsitontheporchtowaitforhim.

Joiningmeonthesteps,hetakesthewinefromme.“You’recutoff.Thisisminenow.”

AllIcandoishiccup.Helookssodreamyinhisleathervestanddarkjeans.Helookslikeatotal

badass.Thebadboyyourdaddywarnedyouabout.God,doIwanttobebadwithhim,justonce.

“So,youlikethetasteofassdoyou?”Ibumphisshoulderwithmine,nudginghim.

Hechuckleslightly,takingalongharddrinkstraightfromthebottle.

“Ridetothebeachwithme,Ihaveallthisenergy,andIneedtoclearmyhead.”Herisesfromthe

stepsholdinghishandouttotakemine.

Myhouseisonlyafewblocksawayfromthebeach.IsendCarolineaquicktextlettingherknowI

amsteppingoutforabit.ShewalksovertokeepaneyeonJaceandFayeforme.Slidingmyfeetintomy

sandals,IfollowTylertohisbike.

Climbingonbehindhim,feelssofreeing.HesecuresmyarmsaroundhismiddleandIholdontight.

Ourridedoesn’tlastlongenough.Heparksandwewalkalongtheedgeofthewater.

Thenightairisnice.It’stheperfectnightforawalkonthebeach,theglowofthemoonagainstthe

waterandsandisveryromantic.Nottheidealsettingforawalkwithafriend.

Tylersuddenlypullsmedownintothesandwithhim.Helaceshisfingersthroughmyhair.Iamlying

ontopofhim.Istarttorolloffhimwhenheslideshishandsdowntomyhipsholdingmeinplace.He

looksmedirectlyinmyeyes.Thegriphehasonmeisfirm.Inoneswiftmotion,herollsusoversothat

heisnowhoveringovertopofme.

“Aria,”hesaysmynameinastrainedwhisper.Hiseyeshaven’tleftmineyet.Iknowheisaboutto

kissme,andIshouldstophim,butithasbeensolongsinceIhavebeenkissed.AnddamnifIdon'tyearn

tobekissed,tofeelhislipsonmine.Mybodytakesoverandpusheswhatmybrainwantsintothedarkof

thenight.

Itisasifanalienhastakenovermybody,whenmyhandsclasparoundhisneckasIbringmylipsto

his.Mylipspartontheirownallowinghistonguetoinvademymouth.Hiswarm,moisttonguetastesof

wine and desire. As I allow my tongue to dance with his, I let out a low moan of pure pleasure.

Everythingabouthimfeelsgood—toogood.

Myhandstraveldownhisbackmakingtheirwayunderthecottonfabricthatisseparatingmyskin

fromhis.Rakingmynailsacrossthetopofhisback,Icompletelyletgoofallcontrol,myhandsmake

theirwayintohispants.Grippinghistightass,hefeelstoogoodtostopnow.

Ican’tgoback.

Ineedhim.

IwanthimdesperatelytohavehiswaywithmebeforeIcombust.

Agrowlescapeshislipswhentheypartfrommine.Hepullsbackfrommeandpropshimselfupon

oneelbow.Heletsoutapuffofairandsighs.

“Aria,ifwedon’tstopthisnow,Iwillhavemywaywithyoubeforethisnightisthrough,Ineedto

knowifyouwantthis.IwantyousodamnbadIcanhardlybreathe,Ican’tsleepatnight.Ilieawakeand

thinkaboutyou,imagingexactlythis.”hisvoicesoundspainedanditexcitesmetoknowit’sbecauseof

me.

Mymouthcan’tformthewords,soIletmyactionsdothetalkingasIpullmydressovermyhead.

Mybodyishisforthetaking.Mybreastsarefullyexposed,theslightchillintheairsendsmynipplesinto

fullsalute.Theyareachingtobetouched,tobecaressedbyhismouth.

Thesoundsofthecitymeltintothenight.AllIcanhearisthecrashingofthewavesandthesteady

beating of our hearts. Slowly, he trails his fingers down my side, making his way to my swollen folds.

Takinghisthumbandforefingerhepinchesmyclitashegrowlsintomyear,“Tonightyoubelongtome.

Sayit,Aria,”hegrowls.

God,that’shotandturnsmeon.

“Tonight,Ibelongtoyou,”Ibreatheintohismouthashislipscrashintomine.Tyler’skississlow

andtorturous.Histongueslidesagainstmine,lickingandtastingeverypartofmymouth.

I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like this before. Tyler kisses me the way a man should kiss a

woman. My fingers find their way into his pants. His cock is hot to the touch and swollen with need.

PrecumrunsontomyfingersandIfighttheurgetolickitoffasIstrokehisshafteagertopleasehim.I

wanttomakehimfeelasgoodasIdo.

Heremoveshisshirt,andIhelpguidehispantsdowntohisankles.

“BegentlewithmeTyler,Ihaven’tbeenwithanyoneinoverfiveyears.”

“Baby, I will be gentle, but I can’t promise to take it easy with you. Mmm... where should I start?

ThiswillbethemostmemorablenightAria;thisIguaranteeyou.”

Iletouthisnameinamoan,“Ty-ler,”asImassagemyownbreasts.

“Youwantmetotouchyouhere.”Hecupsmysexwithonehand.“Orhere,”hesaysashetakesover

kneadingmybreastswithhisotherhand.Hisfingerspinchmynipple,tuggingonitgentlyuntilithardens

intoapoint.Herepeatsthemotionwiththeotherone.

“I want to feel you everywhere and anywhere,” I admit breathlessly, taking his hard cock into my

handsandsqueezinghisballslightly.

We continue to nip and suck at each other’s mouths and necks, teasing and tasting, exploring one

another.

“Tyler,Ineedyouto...”Ilosemyvoicehashisdickbrushesagainstmythigh.Iwanthimtojustdo

mealready.

“Youneedmetowhat?”

“Fuckme,”Iconfess.

Tylerturnsawayfrommeforamoment,andIheartherippingofacondomwrapper.

I remove my panties and wait to feel him within me. The sand is gritty and getting into places it

shouldn’t,butIdon’tcare.Ionlyhaveonethingonmymindandthat’sTyler.

Itakeamomenttoappreciatehisbody.Thewayhismusclescurveandrippleisaworkofartunder

themoonlight.Ihaveseenhimwithouthisshirtinthegym,butthisisdifferent.Ifeeltheheatsteaming

fromhisbodyashespreadsmykneesapartandpositionshimselfnearmycenter.

“Thismayhurtjustabit.”Hegentlyslidesintome.Iadmitsinceithasbeensolongitalmostfeels

like losing my virginity all over again, but this time my body knows what to do. I greedily accept him

withinmywallsasmybodystretchestoaccommodatehislength.

“Aria, you feel amazing,” he whispers against my lips, kissing me softly, taking his time pushing

deeperin.

“Iwantyoutoownmybody.ClaimmeTyler,”Icalloutashecontinuestoteaseatmovinginsideme.

Thebrightstarsareburningoverusanditisbreathtakingasheplungesdeeperinsideme.Hestarts

offslowandbuildstoafasterpace.Abeadofsweatbreaksacrosshisforeheadandtricklesdowntomy

mouth,hetastessaltyandsweet.Hecontinuestotakecontrol,dominatingmybodywitheverythrust.

“Damnsugar,yougotmealltwistedinknots,I’malreadyabouttogetoff,”hetellsmepausingmid-

stroke.

Hisdesireformeonlyfuelsmyneedtopleasehimthatmuchmore,andIliftmyhipsupurginghimto

finish.

Thepressurebeginstobuild,andIreleasemyorgasminsyncwithhis.Hecollapsesbesideme,andI

trytocatchmybreath.

Justaswearegettingourclothesbackonaspotlightshinesoverus.Tylerquicklyputsmypantiesin

hispocket.Anofficerapproaches.

“Thisain’tnoplacefornecking,takeitinside!”

“Yes sir,” Tyler states pulling me up from the sand. We hurriedly make our way back to my place

laughingthewholewaythere.Backatmyhouse,Carolinegivesmeaknowinglookandquietlyslipsout

thedoor.

ChapterFive

PullingTylerintotheshowerwithme,Iknewthefirsttimewouldn’tbeenough,eventhoughIplan

onthisbeingthelast.ItakemytimesoapinghimupandTylertakeshistimewashingeveryinchofmy

body.Pullingthesprayerfromitshook,hesetsitonhigh.Hespraysthesoapsudsfrommybacksideand

does the same to my front. Wrapping his arms around me from the back, he presses the nozzle to my

sensitivecenter.Thesensationofthewaterhittingmysweetspotisalmosttoomuch.

ThemoreItrytosquirmfromthewater,theharderhiserectionispushingagainstthecrackofmyass.

“Don’tyoulikethefeelofthewaterhittingyou?”

“Ilikethewayyoufeel,”Itease.

FasterthanIcansay“sweetbabyJesus,”Tylerhasmeoutoftheshower,wrappedinatowel,and

lyingacrossmybed.

“Doyoumind?”

IshakemyheadandheturnsmyiPodonshuffle.

WorkOut,byJ.Coleplays.

Pulling the towel from his waist, I take a moment to appreciate his build. His six pack dips into a

perfectvmappinghishappytrail.HelookslikealivingAdonis,andrightnowheisminetodowithasI

please.Ignoringthevoicenaggingmethatthisisamistakeinthebackofmyhead,Itraceeachcurveand

angleofhismuscledtattooedchestwithmytongue.Takingoneofhisnipplesinmymouth,Igentlytugon

itbetweenmyteeth.

Tyler grunts and yanks on my damp hair. Cold water trickles down my back, giving me a shiver. I

shouldstopthis,butIwanttoenjoybeingwithhimwhilethemomentlasts.Tylerisn’tintosettlingdown,

andI’mscrewedupintheheadovermylastrelationship—myonlyrelationship.

Ordering me to lie on my side, he gets behind me, pushing my top knee outward he hooks his arm

underit.Gently,heguideshiscockintomypussy.Alow“Mmm,”ofappreciationescapeshislips.

Firmly,hetakesholdofmyhairgivingitagentletug.

“Harder!”Itellhim.

“Youlikethatdoyou?”

“Oh,”isallImanagetoletoutasheyanksonmyhairagain.

Tyler is pumping in and out of my pussy faster and faster. With my face buried in my pillow as he

takes me higher and higher, I can’t concentrate on anything except the orgasm building inside me. Tyler

pullsthepillowfrommyface,tellingme,“Don’thidefrommesugar,Iwannaseeyourface.”Hislarge

fingers circle my clit, bringing me closer to the edge. His hard body presses against mine, feeling too

good, too right, as if he’s supposed to be mine. Our bodies just fit, my chest aches, heaving with the

thoughtasIpantfromthepleasureofhisthrusts.

Iletoutanothercry.Tylermufflesmyscreamswithhishandasherocksintomeharder.Heisbeing

rough, possessive even, but it turns me on even more. I am going to pay for this tomorrow. Right now

though,Iamenjoyingittoomuchtocare.

StarsdancebehindmyeyesasIcomealloverhisthickcock.

Tyler pulls out and I turn onto my back, watching as he relieves himself in his hands; some of his

comestreamsontomybelly.Ilikewatchinghim,Ilikethewayhiswarmthfeelsagainstmyskin.Hiseyes

arehooded,asahissseepsthroughhisclenchedteeth.ItissodamnsexyknowingthatIhavethiseffecton

him.Hecatchesmeadmiringhimandasatedsmilestretchesacrosshisface.

“You’resofuckingsexy.Iwantapictureofyou,lyingjustlikethis,soIcanrememberthisfeeling

everytimeIlookatit.”

“Tyler,”Igiggleandcovermyface.“No,noway!HowdoIknowyouwouldn’tshowittoallofyour

bikerbrothers?”Iraiseanexpectantbrowathim.

Holdinghissemencoveredhandsupindefense,helaughs.“Oh,umsorry.”Hepicksatowelfromthe

floorandwalkstothebathroom.Idecidetosurprisehim,bytakingapictureofmyselfwithmyphoneand

textingittohim.

Hecomesbackfromthebathroomcarryinghisclothes.

“Aria,Ididn’tplanonthiswhenIcameoverheretonight.Itriedlikehelltoenjoymydatetheother

nightandturnmyfeelingsforyouoff.Icouldn’tkeepyououtofmymind.Everytimeshewouldspeak,I

would see your face. I tried to fuck her. It was all I could do not to wonder what you were doing. I

couldn’tevengethardandendedupdrivingstraighthere.”HewrapshisstrongarmsaroundmeafterI’ve

wipedmytummyoffandgottenupfromthebed,andIdon’tknowwhattosay.I’mspeechlesslearning

thathehasrealfeelingsforme.

Hecontinuestalking,fillingthesilence.“Thenattheclub,thatlittlepussydickputhishandsonyou,

andIknewthenthatIhadtohaveyou.Iknewyouwouldbemine.”

Myheartisbeatingoutofmychest.“ListenTyler,Iknowyouthinkyoufeelsomethingformebutyou

don’t,it’slust.Nowthatwe'vegottenthesexoutoftheway…canwejustgobacktobebeingfriends?

Westillhavetoworktogether,andIdon’twantittobeawkward.”

“Idon’tthinkIcanjustbefriendswithyou.Ihavetriedtofightthesefeelings,butyouhaveinvaded

myheart,Aria.You,Jace,andFayeareapartofmylifenow.Ijustcan’twalkawayfromthis.Iwon’t

walkawayfromyou.”

“Tyler,youthinktoomuchofmeandIknowyouwillmakesomewomansohappyoneday,butright

nowitcan’tbeme.Ihavetoomuchonmyplate.Idon’twantyoutofeellikeIusedyoutonight,because

youhavenoideahowmuchIneededit,andhowmuchitmeanstome.I’venotfeltwantedlikethisina

longtime,buttherearesomanythingsyoudon’tknowaboutmysituation.You’dhatemeifyouknew.I’m

aterriblepersonTy.”

Hebrushesmydamphairbackfrommyfaceandgivesmeatenderkiss.“So,tellmewhatIdon’t

know.Whateveritis,Icanhandleit.Youdon’tgettodecideforme.It’stoolate,Aria,Ihavehadataste

ofyou,andIdon’twanttoletyougo.”

“Icareforyoualot,probablymorethanIshould,butIamstillinlovewithJace’sfather,itwouldn’t

berightofmetostartsomethingwithyouknowingIstilllovehim,”Isayconfusinghim.

“Jace’sfather,”hemumblesasthoughheisjustnowrealizingthatJacehasadad.

“Yeah Ty. I love him,” I say the words, but inside they feel hollow. For the first time, I feel like

maybeIdon’tloveBriananymore,butthatcan’tbewhatI’mfeeling.Tylerhasmeallscrewedupinside

abouthowIfeelbecausewejustfuckedeachother.Twice.

Tyler gives me a knowing expression, places a simple kiss on the tip of my nose, and walks out

withoutaword.Ijustruinedourfriendshipforonenight.Damnit,whydidIhavetogiveintowhatmy

bodydesired?

AfterTylerisgone,Ihaveahardtimedriftingtosleep.Guilttakesitsholdoverme.MaybeIdon’t

loveBrianasmuchasIthoughtIoncedid.ButwhydoIfeellikeIjustcheatedonhim,eventhoughwe

haven’tbeentogetherinoverfiveyears?

Tyler has been keeping his distance, and giving me some much needed space. We haven’t spoken

sincethatnightandwhatwereafewdaysofsilencehasturnedintoweeks.Thingswithworkhavebeen

goinggreat.IhavestartedmakingenoughthepastmonththatIdon’thavetoworkfulltimeatbothjobs

anymore,givingmemoretimetospendwithJaceandFaye.Thisisagreatthing,sinceFayeisn’tdoing

wellatall.Sheisdoingworsethanexpected,andIamsoscaredIamgoingtoloseherwhenIfinallyfeel

likewehaveagoodrelationship.Growingup,Ialwaysfeltacoldnessbetweenus.Evenbeforesheleft

whenIwasnine,itwasthere.

Whenshesteppedupandaskedmetolivewithher,itwasthesecondchancewebothneeded.Iam

sothankfulthatlifehasgivenusthetimewehavehad,butIamaselfishpersonandIwantmore.

I haven’t spoken to my dad since he hung up on me. I am still feeling a little stung from the

conversation we had. Caroline has come out of retirement and returned to teaching, so she hasn’t been

able to help with Jace as much, but everything is working out. Chrissy has changed my hours up at the

tanningsalon.NowIamonlyworkingthreedaysinsteadoffive.

ErinisalwaysteasingmeaboutTyler.Shedoesn’tunderstandwhyIcan’tjustbewithhim.Thereis

apartofmethatthinksshesecretlyhasathingforhim.Sheisalwaystalkingabouthowgoodlookinghe

is.Ihaven’tseenmuchofTyleratthecluborthegymeither.Ithinkhe’spurposelyworkingoutwhenI’m

notthere,andtakingshiftsonmydaysofffromtheclub.

HecouldbeoffdoingstufffortheMC,IoverheardBenderonthephonetalkingaboutashipmentand

thatTylerwashandlingitonenightwhenhecameovertospendtimewithmymom.

Ihaven’theardanymorefromBrian,butthatdoesn’tmeanIdon’tthinkofhim.Ihaven’treactivated

mye-mail.Ididlookhimuponlineyesterday.Thelaststoryabouthimwasthatheisplayingpoorlythis

season.Ididn’tgivehimupforhimtomakeashitpileofmistakesandthrowitallawayonabottleof

liquor.Ireallyhopeheisn’tdrinkinglikeheusedto.

ThemoreIthinkofhisactionsthemoreitpissesmeoff,butwhatcanIdoaboutit?Notadamned

thing.IwanttotellhimaboutJace,butIamsoscaredofwhathewillthinkandmoreimportantlywhat

willhetrytodo.HecouldtryandtakeJaceawayfromme.Ican’tletthathappen.Mysonismyworld.

ChapterSix

The easy thing to do would be to just to blame everything all on Brian and say it’s because of his

drinking that I lied and made these choices. When in reality I am really just pissed with myself for not

havingthegutstodotherightthingforthepastfiveyears.Myintentionsweregood,butIknownoone

willseeitthatway.Besides,rightnowIhavetogetmyasstoIndigo.

Iwalkintothefamiliarsmellofsmokeandhairspray.Dressinginadeepredsilkbustierwithgold

tasselsandmatchingboyshortsovermyfishnetstockings.Itakemytimegettingmyredfeatheredmaskto

sitjustrightonmychestnutcurls.Iapplymyredlipstickandclockin.Iwalktothefrontoftheclubtomy

hostesspodiumnearthemainentrance.Tylerisworkingtonightanddamnifhedoesn’tlookgood.Heis

wearingawhitedressshirtandblackslacks.Hehasthesleevespushedupontohisforearms,givinga

tease of his well-toned muscles and tattoos. The MC doesn’t make their presence known at their

businessesbutpeopleknowwhoownsthem.

He catches me staring and gives me a wink. I turn my head quickly, afraid he will see the blush

creeping up my cheeks. He probably can’t see due to the dim lighting, but just in case. I smile thinking

backtotheonenightweshared.

Isqueezemymiddletogetherwillingmyselfnottobecomearoused,butitissohardnottointhese

surroundings.Thereisjustsomethingdeadlysexyaboutwearingthesemasks.Lustfloatsthroughtheair

hereandenvelopesyoulikeapassionatelover.

Thingsarealittleslowrightnow,soIwatchthegirlsonstageandwonderwhatitwouldbeliketo

getuponthatstageandjustletgoofeverything.Nothingbutmeandthemusic,noworries,nocaresinthe

world.Mythoughtsareinterruptedwhenafewguestswalkuptomypodiumwaitingtobegiventheir

masksandbeseated.

“WelcometoIndigo,wherefantasymeetsreality,”Igreetthem.

Ihandthemtheirrequiredblackmasks.Oneoftheguysisstudyingmehard.

“Doyoudancehere?”

“Me?Notreally,I’mnotonthescheduletotonight.”

“Well baby, I would pay extra to watch your fine ass up on that stage. It would be like poetry in

motion,”heflirts.Thisguyiscute,inaboynextdoorway.He’stheoppositeofTyler,allsweetandsoft.

Tylerisroughandhard.

“Um,thankyou.Ithink.Enjoyyourevening.”Iletoutanervousgiggle,heisn’tthefirsttoask,butthe

wayheischeckingmeoutisjusttheconfidenceboostIneededafterthefunkIhavebeeninlately.Iseata

fewmorepeopleandErincomesuptomewithasneakygrinspreadingoverherface.

“Thegentlemanattablefourjustofferedathousanddollarstoseeyouuponthestage,”shesayswith

ahighpitchedsqueal.

“No way!” I look over at the table to see the guy from earlier staring at me, his light blue eyes

piercingmeinplacefrombehindhismask.

“Youhavetodoit.That’sagrandAria!IjustaskedTrinaandshegavetheapproval.”Trinaisthe

stagemanagerwhoisoverthespotlightdancers.Shealsohappenstobethegrabbyhandedboobylady.

“Ican’tgetuptherebymyself!”Ihaveonlyperformedafewtimeswithafewothergirlsasastand

in during rehearsals. Erin thinks that Tyler keeps me off stage, because he’s jealous and doesn’t want

othermenwatchingme.I’mafraidit’sbecauseIlookterribleonstage.

“Youare.Youcandothis.Iamgoingtocoveryourpost,nowgetyourassbackstage!”Shesmacks

meontheassandIletoutagiggle.

InoticeTylerwatchingwithcuriosityasIheadbackstage.Trinagivesmeapeptalkandashotof

somethingbrownthatstingsmythroat.Igiveheraconfusedlook.

“Honey,Iwon’ttellifyoudon’t.Icanseethatyouarenervous,butjusthavefunwithit.Cutloose

foronce.Yourassiswoundsotight,justgowithit,”sheadvises.

ForonceinmylifeIamgoingtodojustthat.

ItrytoshakemyjittersawayasIwatchthegirlsfinishuptheirroutinetoEroticabyMadonna.

TheDJcutsinoverthespeakersasthegirlsexitthestage.“Tonightgentlemen,wehaveaspecial

treat.Wehaveavirgintothestage.”

ThesongRepresentinbyLudacrisbeginstoplay.Imakemywayoutontothestage.Ihavedanced

beforeonapoleinthestripteaseclassatthegym,sothat’swhatIdecidetodo,makeuseofwhatIknow.

IhopeIdon’tmakeafoolofmyself.Igetagoodgripandwrapmylegsaroundthepole.Twirlingmyway

to the bottom, I land in the splits. Leaning my head back I observe Tyler standing close to the stage

watchingme.Thewayheisstudyingmegivesmethecouragetocontinue.Thisperformanceisforhim

andonlyhim.Eventhoughtheroomisfullofothermen,heistheonlyoneIsee.Iamblindtoanythingor

anyoneelseinthismoment.

Islinkmywayacrossthefloorbacktothepolefeelinghisheatedgazecaressmyshoulders.Igeta

grasp on the pole climbing to the top, but this time I flip upside down and gracefully slide, pausing

halfwaydown.Ispindownabitfurther.Ipauseagainandscissorskickmylegsbeforemakingmywayto

thefloor.MyeyesbreakfromTyler’sholdbriefly,asIturnrightsideupandspinaroundthepoleafew

moretimes.

Back on the floor, I move my hips to the music. Grabbing a cane from the side of the stage I start

stalking my way towards the end where Tyler is standing, watching me, watching him. He better be

carefulwhathewishesfor.Thewayheisrakinghiseyesallovermybodyfeelslikeheisfuckingme

righthere,rightnow,onthisstageinfrontofeveryone,andIloveeverysecondofit.Beingonthisstage

is a rush I never imagined feeling. I take the cane and poke him in the chest with the tip, giving him a

naughtygrin.

The song cuts, and I make my exit. I go into the dancer’s lounge to come down from the high I am

feelingfrommyperformance.Itakeadrinkfrommybottledwater,thatperformanceleftmeparched.As

someofthegirlsaretellingmewhatagreatjobIdone,Tylerburststhroughthedoorandorderseveryone

out.Istarttofollowthegirlsoutthedoor.IamthelastonetoreachtheexitandTyler.

Helookslikearabidanimal.Appearingasthoughheisalionreadytodevourhisprimemeat.He

jerksmebackintotheroom.“Notyou.”hegrowlsashegrabsachairshovingitunderthedoorhandleto

jamthedoor.

Jerkingmybodyintohis,allowingmetofeelhowhardhiscockisforme,hebreathesouttheword,

“Sugar.”

Ishouldwalkaway,buttheadrenalinefrombeingonstageisstillcoursingthroughmyveins.

Fistinghishandsinmyhair,hepullsmymouthtohis.Histonguedartsthroughthepartingofmylips,

asheripsthemaskfrommyface.Ifeellikeheissuckingtheverybreathfrommylungs,andIwantto

giveeverylastpuffofairinmetohim.

Helickshiswaydownmythroat,tastingmysweat.Ican’tcatchmybreath.

“Mmm, you even taste like an early morning rain,” Tyler whispers as his mouth closes in on mine

oncemore.

Istartunbuttoninghisshirtandslideitdownhisarms.Runningmytongueoverthesmoothnessofhis

chest I slowly trail my way down his perfect V. I peek up at him through my lashes. He has his hands

crossedbehindhishead,rockingonhisheels.Unzippinghisslacks,Ishovethemdowntohisankles.This

isonlyaboutpleasinghim.Wrappingmyrednailsaroundthebaseofhisshaft,Igraduallyrakemyteeth

uphislength.Heshuddersandadeep,primalgrowlripsfromhisthroat.Herockshimselfintomymouth,

hishandslatchingintomyhairattherootsandhesteadiesmyhead,guidingmetothepaceheenjoys.

Ilickhisperfectcockfrombasetotip.Slowthenfast.Irepeatthemotion.Icanfeelhimgettingclose

tohisorgasmasIsuckdownharderuntiltheheadofhiscockreachesthebackofmythroat.

Gently,Tylerpullsoutofmymouthbeforehebringsmeupfrommyknees,shovingmefaceforward

overthebackofthesofa.Pullingmyboyshortsdown,hekicksmyfeetapart,andripsmyfishnetsstraight

down the seam that runs over my bare ass. Running his fingers over my hard nub he smacks my clit.

“Alwaysready,”hewhispersinmyear,dippinghisfingerinsidemywetpussy.Stickinghisfingerinmy

mouthashepressesagainstme,Ilickmyarousalfromhisthickdigit.Repeatingthemotion,hesavorsmy

tasteonhislips.Pullingmyheadbackwardswithforcehebitestheshellofmyear.

Hekeepsteasingthecrackofmyasswiththeheadofhisdickandit’sdrivingmeinsane.

“Please,Tyler!Fuckmypussy,”Ibeg,knowingIsounddesperate.Iam,I’msodesperateforhimto

fuckmeagain.

He smacks me on my ass, giving a slight sting to my cheeks. Pulling my hair harder he growls,

“Pleasefuckwho’spussy?”

“Please,Tylerfuckyourpussy,”Ipant.Ican’tbelievethewordsthatarecomingoutofmymouth,

I’veneverbeenonefordirtytalk.

Hethrustsintomedeep.“Fuck,you’resotight,”hegritsinmyear.

Irollmyhipswitheachthrusttakinghimdeeperinside.Hisballssmackagainstmyass.Theclubis

packedandthemusicisplaying,butallIcanhearistheslicksoundsofourskinpoundingagainsteach

other.Hejerkshisdickoutofme,spillingtheinkofhispassionacrossmybackanddownthecrackofmy

ass.That’stwicewe’vescrewedaroundwithoutacondom,Ican’tletithappenagain.Screwingaround

andbeingcarelessiswhatlandedmeinthepositionI’mintoday.

Tylertakessometissuesandcleanshiscomefrommyskin.Iamstilltryingtocatchmybreathashe

wipesawaytheevidenceofourtryst.

Theforceofwhatwejustdidclawsitswaytothesurfaceofmyconscious.“Tyler,didwereallyjust

fuckatwork?”

“Whatevertheconsequences,itwasworthitsugar.”

“Lookatme.”Iwavemyhandsovermydisheveledappearance.“Ican’tgobackouttherelikethis!”

Istarttopanic.“I’msureeveryoneknowswhatwewereinheredoing.”

“No,theydon’t.Here.”HeopensupacabinetIhavenevernoticedbefore.Itisfullofclubclothes.

“Haveyoudonethis…before?”Isuddenlyfeelcheap,usedeven.

“Well,youknowthatIhave,”heteases.“Withyouafewweeksback.IknowIdidn’timaginewhat

happenedthatnight.Istillhavethepicturetoproveit.”

“No,Imeanhere,haveyoufuckedsomeoneelsehere,before,inthisroom?”Steamisaboutreadyto

blowfrommyears.

“Whatgaveyouthatidea?”hescoffsatmeasifhe’stheoneoffended.

“Nevermind.”Ishakemyhead.Ishouldhaveknownbetter,butIallowedmyselftogetcaughtupin

themoment.IwascaughtupinTyler’sattention.

Luckily, I find a bustier similar to the one that I was wearing. My hose on the other hand are a

completelossthough.Iglanceatmyselfinthemirror.

“Hell,Ilookrodehardandputouttodry.”Itrytowipethesmearedlipstickfromtheedgeofmy

mouth.

Approaching me from behind, Tyler tilts my head at an angle, kissing me with ownership. “We’ll

continuethislater,”hepromisesandwarns,allinthesamesentence.

I’vereallyfuckedupnow.Iplayedwithfire,andnowIamgoingtogetburned.

ChapterSeven

“Youslut,whereinthehellhaveyoubeen?Yousmelllikesex!Youbitch,you’renotwalkingaway

fromthisconversation,thistime.”Erinisupinmyfacewantingtoknowallthedirtydetails.

“Yes,”Ihissather.“Nowhush,beforesomeonehearsyou!”

“Girl, everyone, and I mean everyone here knows that you two have it bad for each other. In fact,

someofthedancerswerebettinghowlongitwouldtake.”

“Shutup.Noootheyweren’t.Youlie.”Ilookather,horrified.

“Gotcha.”Shewinkswalkingbacktohertables.

TherestofthenightIfeelparanoidlikeeveryoneisstaringatme.IjustknowthatIamgoingtobe

fired. It really sucks, because the money I can make here is great. I don’t know what I am doing with

Tyler.Ilikehimalot,butIcan’tgivehimallofme.Nottomentionhedoesn’tknowthesituationwith

Brian.Hell,Briandoesn’tevenknow.

The way Tyler makes me feel scares me, I never even felt this way with Brian. It was a different

longing,hewasfamiliarandTylerisnewandexciting—dangerouseven.

Thankfully,ourindiscretionatworkisn’tspokenof.Eithernooneknowsortheydon’tcare.Well,

otherthanErin.Ijustwanttogetoutoftheseclothesandtotakealong,steamingbubblebath.

Makingithome,IwalkintofindJaceandFayeasleeptogetherintherecliner.Thereisanotefrom

CarolinethatshefedJacedinnerandbathedhim.Sheissogoodtome.IpickJaceup,carefulnottowake

himandgethimtuckedintohisbed.ItrygentlytowakeFayeandshedoesn’trespond.Ahardlumpforms

inmythroat.Ishakehershoulderwithalittlemoreforce.

“What,whatisit,”shemumbles.Thecancerhastakensuchatollonher,inbodyandmind.

Lettingoutasighofrelief,Itellher,“Justthoughtyoumightwanttogogetinyourbedisall.”

“No,nowIamawake,howwaswork?”Shestretcheswipinghereyeswithayawn.

“Good.”IblushthinkingbacktoTylerandallthewayshetouchedme.

“What’sthatgrinabout?”Sheperksherwrinkledbrowsupatme.

“Nothing,itwasareallygreatnight.”Ican’tstopsmiling.

“Yourfathercalledmeearlier.”

“YoutalkedtoJim?”

“YeahAria,justbecausewegotdivorceddon’tmeanwedon’ttalk.Weweretalkingaboutmyfinal

arrangements.NowIknowyoudon’tliketotalkaboutit,butisimportant,soyourdadishelpingmeget

somethingsinorderforwhenthetimecomes.Idon’twantanythingfallingonBender’sshoulders,hehas

enoughchaosinhislife.”

Withherwords,Iambroughtbackdowntoearth.Myhappymoodiscrushed.

“YourdadalsomentionedBriancomingbyhishousewhenhewaslastintown.Youneedtojusttell

him the truth Aria. If he finds out from anyone other than you it is going to be that much worse.” She

slowlyrisesfromherchairandgivesmeaknowinghug.Herwordscrushmeandtheguiltcomesrolling

backlikeafreighttrainstrikingmeintheheart.

Iletthefloodoftearsbreakthroughthecrackedwallsthathavebeenholdingmyemotionsin.Icry

forBrian,thetimeIstolefromhimandJace.MoretearsfallforTyler.Iamscaredtofeeltoomuchfor

someonewhoIcan’thave.Icrythehardestformymom,asshestandsinherfragilestateholdingmeup.

ThethoughtthatImaynothavemuchtimeleftinthislifewithherscarestheshitoutofme.Shebegins

talkingalotaboutdeathandtheallwrongsshehasmadeinherlifeandhowsheneedstorightthem.

“Iwasn’tagoodmomtoyouAria,Igaveyouterribleadvice.Itweighsheavilyonme.”

“Justdon’t.Idon’twanttotalkaboutitrightnow.We’vemadeourpeace,”Ipleadwithhertodrop

thisconversation.

“Aria…”shestarts,butstops,knowingnottopushmerightnow.

Ican’thandlethisconversationrightnow.Makingtheexcuseofbeinghungry,Iavoidtherestofthe

discussion.Truthis,Icouldn’teatnowevenifIwantedto.IbusymyselfinthekitchenuntilIamsureshe

hasturnedinforthenight.Finally,Iamabletosinkdownintoawarmbathandescapemytroublesfora

while.

Ican’tgetTylerandBrianoutofmyhead.WhenIcrawlintobed,Ikeepseeingbothoftheirfaces

disappointedinme,hatingme,tellingmeI’mahorriblemother.

AtsomepointIdrifttosleep,butnotforlong.

Jacewakesmeinthemiddleofthenight;hehadanaccidentinhisbed.Shit!Iforgottoputhispull

uponhim.Hehasanoccasionalaccidentifhehastoomuchwaterbeforebedtime.Ithrowhisbeddingin

thewashandputhiminmybedaftergettinghimcleanedup.

Ican’tgobacktosleep,soIsitinthekitchendrinkingcoffeewhilethesuncomesup.

Tylersendsmea“goodmorningsugartitstext”andasksifJaceandIwouldliketomeethimfor

breakfast.

Seeingmyson’snameinthesamelinewithsugartitsissowrong,IlaughtomyselfasIgetJaceup,

dresshimfortheday,andthrowhisbeddinginthedryer.WemeetupwithTyleratadinernearJace’s

daycare,soIcandrophimoffonmywaytowork.JacelightsupwhenheseesTylerwaitingforusina

boothandtakesoffrunningforhim.

“Hey,littleman.Givemefive.”HeholdshishandoutforJacetosmack.Jacegiveshimallhe’sgot;

Tylerdrawshishandbackshakingitlikeithurt.

“Ouch,thatstungabitJace.Youaresostrong.What’syourmombeenfeedingyou,nails?”

JacelooksatTyler,givingthatfamiliarlopsidedgrin,makingmyheartskipabeat.Willhehavethis

connectionwithBrianwhentheymeet?Tylergivesmeawink,andJaceinsistsonsittingbesideofhim.

“Sureyoudon’tmind?”Idon’twanthimtothinkIamtryingtogettohimthroughJace.

“Why wouldn’t I want to sit beside my favorite all star? This kid is going to be one hell of a ball

player.Doeshegetthatfromyou?”

“Definitelynot.”Ishakemyhead.“He’salotlikehisD-A-D.”

Tylerfrownsbutdoesn’tsayanything.

Thewaitressbringsusourmenus.Jacedecidestobeastinkerandstartclimbingdownoutofhisseat

andgoingunderneaththetable.

“Jace,”IsaywithIclippedtone,“getyourrearinaseatandparkit.”He’snothavingit,andstarts

laughing.Givingmea“ha-ha,Idon’tthinkso,”smirk.

“HeyJace,ifyoubegoodandlistentoyourmom,Iwilltakeyoubacktotheparksometime.Ifthat’s

allrightwithher.”Jaceinstantlygetsupoutofthefloorandsitslikeheisthebestbehavedkidever.

WeplaceourordersandtalkalittleaboutFayeandwhatthedoctorssayaboutherhealthuntilour

foodarrives.Iskillfullynibblemystrawberries,drawingTyler’sattentiontomyberrystainedpout.

Heleansacrossthetable.“I’vegotsomethingthatwouldtastebetterbetweenyourlips.”Igivehim

aflirtygrinandcontinuetoseducehissenseswithmyberries.

IgiveJacemyphonetoplaywithafterhefinisheshiseggsandbacon,heloveslisteningtomusicon

it.

“So,whereishisD-A-D?”Tylerwhispersacrossthetabletome.Itakeadeepbreath.Hisquestion

catchesmeoffguard.NooneknowsthatBrianisJace’sdadotherthanmyparentsandCaroline.Iusually

avoidthetopicwhenpeopleask.ButIreallylikeTyler,andIcan’tbringmyselftolietohimtoo.

“Wewerechildhoodsweethearts.Ihaveknownhimsincegradeschool.Thingsweregreatbetween

us.Ihopethisconversationisn’tawkward.Ilikeyoualot,butIdon’tknowifwhatwe’redoingismore

thanjustS-E-X.”

“For now, just be honest. I don’t know where this is headed. You know I wasn’t looking to get

involved,butIcan’tshakethesefeelingsforyou.Itoldyou,Aria,I’mnotgoinganywhere.”

IgiveJacesomequarterstoplaythepinballmachineinthecorner,toallowTylerandmeamoment

totalkwithouthisnosyearslisteningin.

“Well,BrianCaseishisname.Youmayhaveactuallyheardofhimifyouareintosports.”

He takes a drink of his coffee nearly choking. “As in the baseball player? So, why isn’t he in the

picture?Didhewalkoutonyou?”

“Yes,Iamgettingtothatandno.”Hegivesmeaconfusedlook.“Brianwasgettingreadytoleavefor

college. It had always been his dream to play for Louisville, and his dream was coming true. I didn’t

wantafamilytostandinhisway.”

“So,youjustdidn’ttellhim.”Hisnoseisscrunchedashelooksatme,hisexpressionissomewhere

betweenascowlandafrown.

“No,Ididn’t,butIamgoingtotellhimsoon.Heusedtoliketodrinkalotandhecouldhaveabitof

atemper.”

“Didhehurtyou?Iswearifhehaseverhurtyou.”Heballshisfistonthetable.

Itakehishandsinmine,rubbingmyfingersoverhisknuckles.“No,hehurthimselfmorethanheever

hurtme.Heneverputhishandsonme.”

“That’sreallyfuckedup,”healmostyellsatmeashepullshishandsaway.

“I’mahorribleperson,sayit.Iknowyouarethinkingit.”Ifeelsoashamed.

“Tobehonest…yeah.Ikindofam.Imean,Aria,thatisabigthingnottotellsomeone.Iwanttotryto

understanditwithoutjudgingyoutooharshly.Imean,Icanunderstandnotwantingakidaroundsomeone

whodrinksalot.Youdon’tknowalotaboutmyworld.Itisn’tpretty,butstill—whenyoulovesomeone

youtrytohelpthem,youdon’tturnyourbackonthem.”

Lookingattheclock,IamgoingtobelateifIdon’tleaverightnow.“Canwefinishthislater?Iam

goingtobelateifIdon’tgetJacetodaycare.”

“Yeah,noproblem.”healmostsoundsrelievedtogetawayfromme.

ItakeafewtensfrommypurseandtrytohandthemtoTylerformineandJace’sfood,butherefuses.

Hestands,givingmeastiffkissonthecheek,hisfacialscruffrubsmeasrawasIfeel.HethinksI

amahorriblebitch.Ican’treallyblamehim.“Thisiswhyyoudon’tdateAria!”God, I could kick my

ownass.

AfterbucklingJaceintohisseat,Itakefewdeepbreathes.ItreallyhurtsforTylertothinksopoorly

ofme.Atearslipsdownmyface.IturntogetinmycarwhenTylersuddenlytwistsmearoundfacing

him.

“Don’tdothat!”hebarkshiswordsatmeashisstormyeyesrageintomine.

“Dowhat?”Iwipetheteardropthatistricklingdownmyface.

“Don’t beat yourself up over the past.” He runs his finger down my face, traveling the path of my

tear.“You’reanamazingperson.I’msurewhateverthereasonsarebehindyourchoices,youmadethem

withgoodintentions.”

Ilookintothedepthsofhiseyes.Ilickmylips,begginghimtotaketheinvitationtokissme.God,I

justwanthimtokissmerightnow!Tofeelhiswarmfulllipstakingmehostageandneverlettingmego.

That’swhatIwantrightnow,standinginthisbusyparkinglot.Iwanttoforgetallmywrongdoingsand

justbehis.Iwanthimtobemine.ThethoughtofitterrifiesmebecauseIshouldwanttobeBrian’s.

MythoughtsshouldbeaboutgivingJacethefamilyhedeserveswithhisdad.Butinstead,myheartis

openingtosomeoneelse.Someonewhoholdsthepowertocrushmyheartandconsumeeverypartofme.

TheideaofbeingwithTyler,reallybeingwithhim,notjusthisoccasionalfuck,makesbutterfliestake

fullflightinmystomach.Ipartmylipsashebendshisfaceslowlytomine.Histonguebeginstracingthe

outlineofmypout.Hiswarmtonguebeginsmassagingmine.Firstthekissistenderandsweet,butthenit

turnsintosomethingelsecompletely.Itturnsintoafeverpitchofwantanddesire.Hecouldtakemeright

hereinthisparkinglotagainstmycar,ifJaceweren’twithme.

Oh,myword,Jaceissittinginthecarwitnessinghismommymakeout.IsnapoutoftheholdTyler

hasonme.

“Ireallyhavetogo.”

“Untillater,sugartits,”hesaysashepinchesmynipple,hard.

ChapterEight

After a long day at the tanning salon and picking Jace up, I run by the house and pick up Faye.

Tomorrow is her birthday, but I have to work at Indigo, so I am taking her out for her to celebrate this

evening.AfteraquickchangeofmineandJace’sclotheswearereadytogo.Itisascorcher;IfeellikeI

justmayturnintoapuddle.MaybeIshouldreschedulethebirthdaydinner.Fayelooksmiserableasshe

leanstowardthecoolairofthevent.

“Sureyou’reuptothis,Imeanwecanstayin,andIcancookorordertakeout.”

“Aria,Ionlygetoutofthehousefordoctor’sappointments.IamreadytogetoutevenifIdon’tfeel

muchlikecelebratingmyfinalbirthday.”

“Why do you say things like that? You don’t know that. You have no way of knowing that. Unless

thereissomethingyou’renottellingme.”

Iwasn’tabletogotoherlastappointmentwithher.Benderactuallytookher,orsoshesaid.Next

time, I intend to go with her. I get the feeling she is purposely scheduling them for when I am at work.

CarolinehasbeengoingwithherwhenBendercan’t.Ibetsheknowswhatsheishiding.Mymomhas

probablymadeherpromisetokeeptheinformationtoherselftoo.Abottleofgoodwinemaygetherto

spill.Onecanhopeanyways.I’dliketothinkFayewouldn’tkeepanythingfromme,notnow,afterwe

havegrownsoclosethesepastfewyears.

It feels so nice to be out with just the three of us, Jace, Faye, and me. We haven’t gotten to spend

hardlyanytimetogetherlatelyeventhoughmyscheduleisn’tashectic.Ourreservationisataprettyritzy

place;IjusthopeJacebehaveshimself.Heisaprettygoodkid,butheisonlyfour.Helookssoadorable

inhiskhakitrousersandbluedressshirt.Hishairisamessofcurls,butIstillcan’tbringmyselftocut

them.

Fayeontheotherhandlookslikeaghostofherformerself.JaceandIgetourwavyhairfromher.

Heroncelustrouslocksaredullanddry.Hereyesdon’thaveanyshinetothematall.Sheusedtohave

curvesinalltherightplaces.Weusedtoalmostlooklikesistersinsteadofmotheranddaughter.Itmakes

mesosadtoseehowthecancerhaschangedher.

“So,InoticeyouarespendingalotofyourtimewithTyler.”

Icutheroff.Wearen’tgoingtheretonight.“Oh,noyoudon’t.Thiseveningisaboutcelebratingyour

birthday.”

Sheclenchesherjawandclampshermouthshut,refusingtospeakatall.

Dinnerisadisaster.JaceiscrankyfromtheheatandFayehasnoappetite.Iendupgettingourfood

togo.TryingnottoletJace’stantrumsgettome,Itakehimhomeandgethimhisbath.Ihavenevertalked

tohimabouthisdad,andIguessthereisnotimelikethepresenttointroducetheideatohim.Hemaynot

understandmuchofitnow,butIknowitissomethingIshouldhavetalkedtohimaboutfromthestart.

Afterdiggingaroundinmycloset,IfindtheperfectwaytotellJaceabouthisfatherandtheperfect

waytoshowhimtoo.IhavebeenkeepingascrapbookofBrianandallofhisgreatestmomentsplaying

baseball.Istartedworkingonitallthewaybackinmiddleschool.

Settlingonaglideronthefrontporch,IpullJaceintomylapandopenthebook.“Mommywantsto

talktoyouaboutsomeoneimportant,solistencloselyokay?”

Heplaceshistinyfingersonthefirstpage.“Baseball,”hesayslookingatmeforapproval.

“Yes,yourfavorite.Doyouseetheboyinthepicture,Jace?Heisyourdad.Doyouknowwhata

daddyis?”

“Jaceplaysball.”

“Yeah,Jaceplaysball,likehisdaddy.”

Icontinueshowinghimthepictures,explainingthebestIcanthathewillbegettingtomeethisdaddy

soon, I hope. He falls asleep in my lap. I put the box to the side and pet his hair watching him dream,

wonderingwhatisrunningthroughhistinyhead.

IhearTyler’scarcomingupthestreet.I’dknowthesoundofhisengineanywhere.Heapproaches

theporchafterhe’sparked,andseeingJaceslumpedinmyarmshetakeshimfromme,takinghiminhis

arms,carryinghimtobed.Somethinghisdadhasneverhadachancetodo,anotherexperienceIhave

robbedhimof.

Tylerrejoinsmeontheporchandtakesaseatbesideme.

“So,IwanttounderstandAria,beforeIputmyheartouttoyouanymorethanitalreadyis.Iwantto

knowmoreaboutyoursituationwithBrianandwhereyoustandwithhim.Whateverthisisbetweenus,

hastakenovermyworld.IwanttobehereforyouandJace,butIneedtoknowwhatIamwalkinginto.”

“Ineedtoknowmoreaboutyourworldtoo.Idon’tknowalotabouttheclubandwhatallitentails.”

Henods.

IexplaintohimhowIhadplannedonputtingJaceupforadoption.Holdingnothingback,Itellhim

allaboutmylifegrowingup.Howmydadhadgivenupeverythingtoraiseme.Don’tgetmewrong,had

mydadnothadhisjobinthecoalmines,hewouldnothavebeenabletoprovideformethewayhehad.

Mydadgaveupalotwhenhemarriedmymother.Theywereyounganddumb.Theyendedupresenting

oneanotheraftermarryingsoyoung.Ididn’twanttodoommeandBriantotheirfate.Iwantedabetter

lifeforbothofus,andIlovedhimenoughtolethimgo.

IexplainaboutFaye’sdrinking,itsplitmyfamilyup.Idon’twanttoraiseachildinthatenvironment.

During my confession to Tyler, I also realize that I don’t have to be with Brian to raise Jace with him.

SomethingIneverreallyputthoughtintobefore.

Continuingwithmystory,ItellhimabouttheemailsBrianwouldsendandhowharditwastohear

that he had gotten married. He was living his dream, even got drafted to his favorite team, the Red

Jackets.IknewIcouldn’tcomebacktohimafterafewyearsandtellhimhehadason.

“Brian was newly married and starting his career. Everyone would have thought I was after his

money.Thenanotheryearpassedandnowanother.Thereneverwasarighttimetotellhim.HowcouldI

after all this time had passed? I’m still not sure now is the best time to tell him. He has always had a

drinkingproblem.IworryaboutJacehavingtogrowupthewayIdid,withmymom’saddictiontakingso

muchawayfromus.”

TellinghimhehasasonIhavekeptfromhim,maypushhimovertheedge.

Tylertensesnexttome.Idon’tknowwhathe’sfeeling.“Areyoustillinlovewithhim?”

“Idon’tknow,IthoughtIwas…untilyoucameintomylife.Now,Idon’tknowifit’sthatIlovehim

becauseheisJace’sfather,orbecauseIreallyaminlovewithhim.”Ipauseforaminute,lettinghimsoak

mywordsin.“Thisconversationisn’tfairtoyou.”Iwrapmyhairinmyfingersandtwirlit.“Thenthere

is the fact that you are my boss. I don’t want people to think I am screwing my way into becoming a

spotlightdancer.Idon’tdeserveyouTyler,butlordknowsIwantyouanyways.”

“Let’s take it one day at time. I don’t do relationships well, but I am willing to try, for you.” We

spendafewmorehourstalkingabouthisroleintheclub.Hecan’ttellmemuch.It’sasiftheyareasecret

society.“Iwon’thaveyouaroundtheclubhouseoranyofthatlifeuntilweknowwhatweare.”

Iunderstand.Fayehastoldmebrieflythatgirlfriendsandoldladiesdon’tgenerallyhangoutatthe

clubhouseunlessit’safamilyevent.Noneofthegirlswhodanceattheclubarehangarounds.TheMC

runsasmooth,classyoperation.Theykeepatightlockontheirwayoflife.

Tyler can’t give me many details, but he’s working on a deal that if things go his way, he will be

madeapartneroftheMiamiclubandgivehimfullcontroloverit.Thisisareallybigdealforhim.This

iswhyweneedtobeevenmorecarefulwithourrelationship,nowmorethanever.

“WhenareyougoingtotellBrian?”

“Idon’tknow,butIknowIneedtosoon.”Idon’twanttothinkaboutBriananymore.Mymindand

myheartarefocusedonthemaninfrontofme.

AllIcandoiskisshimrightnowinthismoment.TyleriseverythingIcouldeverwantinaman.I

meanheissexyassin,goodwithmyson,andsounderstandingofmysituation.

Hebreaksawayfromourkissbeforeitevengetsstarted.

“Aria, I want to be with you, but I don’t know if I can do this, not knowing where you stand with

Brian.Iwantyoutotakeafewdaystothink.Ifyouaresureyoudon’twanttotrytoworkthingsoutwith

Jace’sdad,thenI’llbehere.But,ifyoudecideyouwantafamilywithhim…Aria,Iwillwalkawayfor

good.”

Whatjusthappened?Ithoughtweweretakingtwostepsforwardonlytotakethreestepsback.

ChapterNine

IamgettingreallynervousabouttellingBrianthetruth—thathe’safather.Ihaveplayedthewords

overandoveragaininmyhead,butnomatterhowIsaythem,theyneversoundright.Hisreactioniswhat

scaresmethemost.Imeanhecouldbereallyhappyorreallypissed.Ifitwereme,Iwouldberoyally

pissedoff.Howdoyoutakeeverythingthatsomeonethoughttheyknewaboutyou,andsaysorryithasall

beenalie,butmyintentionsweretrue?Upordown,Idon’tknowwhichwayisrightanymore.Iamstill

confusedbymyfeelingsforhim.MytalkwithTylerhasmereevaluatingmyfeelingsoneverythinginmy

life.

Iamtryingsohardtofigureitallout.NoonehasevermademephysicallyfeelthewayTylerhas,

but when I look back on my relationship with Brian, we shared such an amazing emotional connection.

However,nowthatalltheseyearshavepassed,willourconnectionstillbestrong,canourlovesurvive

timeandallthelies?

Ican’tkeepthinkingaboutit,Ihavetogettoworkforameeting.

This week there is a huge biker rally taking place and the MC is hosting. The owner of Indigo,

Scorch, who happens to be the president of Rightful Bastards is calling a staff meeting, which means I

havetobethere,andIhavetoseeTylerthereaswell.

WhenIgettothemeetingTylerwon’tevenlookatme.

“This weekend is going to be one of our biggest yet. We are going to need everyone to work this

weekend,evenifyouarescheduledtobeoff,yourassbetterbehere.Thingswillbedifferent.TheGrim

Executionersareafriendoftheclub,andIpromisedthemagoodtime.You’llseetoitthattheygetit.”

Themeetingends.

Thenithappens,Tylerlooksatmeandmyheartjumpsintomythroat.Iwanttojumpoverthechairs

andthepeopleseatedinfrontofmeandtellhimIdon’tcare.Iwanthimtotakemeinhisarmsandtellme

noneofitmatters.Thatwewillworkthroughitalltogether.Iwanthimtowantme.It’snowthatIrealize

thatIamnolongerinlovewithBrian.Ihavebeeninlovewiththeideaofwhatcouldhavebeen.Tyler

breaksourbriefgazeandexitstheroom.Istarttogoafterhim,butErinstopsme.She’sgushingabout

howwhenIndigohostsaprivateeventformotorcycleclub,theguystipgenerously,buttheyalsoexpect

morethandancinginreturn.

Itdoesn’ttakeageniustofigureoutwhatshemeans.Iwon’tfuckrandombikersformoney.I’llquit

first.

IrushhometogetawayfromIndigoandawayfromthoughtsofTyler.

I’mabletogetthroughthenightkeepingmyselfbusywithtakingcareofJace.

ThenextdayIhavetotakeFayetoanappointmentwithherOncologist.Theywanthertostartchemo

againandsheisrefusing.Iamsofrustratedbyher.

I’m in my bedroom getting dressed to take her to her appointment when I hear a loud thump, and

assumeitisJaceplayingroughlywithhistoys.AsIwalkpasthisroom,Inoticehe’sonhisbedlooking

atbaseballcards.

“Faye,areyouaboutready,wehavetogetgoingifwearegoingtobeatthemiddayrush,”Icallout

toher,butshedoesn’tanswerme.

Imakemywaytoherroomtoseeifsheneedsmyassistancegettingdressed.

“Fuck!”Iletoutinacry.Jacecomesrunningtoseewhathasmesoupset.Fayeislyingonherfloor

motionless. Jace’s presence snaps me from my shock. Grabbing the house phone from her nightstand, I

dial911andstartcheckingherforapulse;shehasonebutitisfaint.

“911,what’syouremergency?”

IrelaytheinformationtotheoperatorthebestIcan.Iamtryingtoholdbackmysobs.Idon’twantto

frighten Jace. I know he isn’t old enough to fully understand what is going on, but I don’t want him

terrified and scarred from this later on in his life. He is already going to have enough to deal with, no

thankstomeandmybaddecisionmakinghabits.

“Jace,baby,mommyneedstoyoutobeabigboyandgotoyourroom.Canyoudothatformommy?”

HenodshisheadanddoesasIask.Heissuchagoodkid,mostofthetime.

I am so scared I can’t lose her, not yet. “Don’t leave me mom, please, please hold on for me, for

Jace!”Ibrushherhairbackfromherface.Ipositionherandstartchestcompressions.Fuck,howmany

timesdidtheoperatorsaytodoit?Ipickmyphoneupoffthefloor.

“Ma’am,areyoustillwithme?Howmanytimesdidyousay?”Ichokeout.

“Onehundredmiss,justtrytoremaincalm.Theparamedicswillbethereinafewminutes.”

Positioningmyhandsbetweenherbreastsinthecenterofherchest,Ibeginpumping.Isilentlycount

eachcompressioninmyhead.Afewmomentslater,Iambeingpulledawayfromherastheparamedics

beginworkingonher.Theygetherstableandanoxygenmaskisplacedoverhermouth.Theyletmeknow

IcanfollowtheambulanceifIlikebuttheyaretakinghertoWalter’sMemorialHospital.Istarttocall

Caroline, but then I remember she is working today and Erin is in class. I have no one left to call but

ChrissyorpossiblyBender.IcouldcallTyler,butJaceisn’thisresponsibility,he’smine.

Chrissytellsmetobringhimbythetanningsalon.Irushhimthere,andIthankheramilliontimesasI

leaveJaceinhercare.I’mfranticallytryingtoreachthehospitaltoseemymom.

“Whydon’tyouletoneoftheguysdriveyou.Tylerwasatthegym,earlier.I’msurehe’dbehereina

heartbeatforyou.”

Icanonlyshakemyhead.Ihavetogonow.BeforeIleave,IpromiseherthatIwillbebackforJace

assoonasIcan.

WhenIarriveatthehospital,theydon’thavegoodnewsforme.Fayehassufferedastroke,andshe

isn’tresponding.Whenthestrokehit,shefellandknockedherheadonthefloor.ThatwasthethumpIhad

heard. There is swelling on her brain, and they can’t give me any other information until they run more

test.

Theyhaveheronlifesupport.TheDoctorsaskmeagazillionandonequestions,becauseIamher

nextofkin.TheyareaskingmesomanyquestionsabouthercancerthatIdon’tknowtheanswersto.An

hourlater,thedoctorpullsmeasideandtellsmethattheyhavealivingwillonfileforherandthatinit

statesthatshedoesnotwanttobekeptonlifesupportanylongerthantwodays.Theweightofhiswords

hitsmelikeatonofbricks.Ifeeloffbalanceandtheroomisspinning.Thedoctormakesmesitdownand

holdmyheadbetweenmylegs.

“JustbreatheMissStuart.Slowdeepbreaths,that’sit.”

Hefurtherexplainsthathehashadtimetoreviewherfilemorethoroughlyandduetotheadvance

stateofherpancreaticcancerherchancesofrecoveryareslimtonone.

IwalkbacktoFaye’sroominadaze.Iwishthiswereanightmare.Theweakstateofherbodyfrom

the cancer is not in her favor. She looks so frail in her bed with all the tubes in her body. Have I not

noticedhowbadshehaslookedthesepastfewmonths?Itakeherhandinmineandtracethelinesonher

palm.ItellherallthethingsIhavealwayswantedtosaybutneverhadthecourage.ItellherhowangryI

amwithherforleavingmeonceagain.Howdaresheputmethroughthis?Ourtimesnotup.Jaceneeds

her.Ineedher,damnit!

Placingakissonhercheek,Istandtostretchmylegs.Theyarestifffromsittinghunchedoverher

bedforsolong.

Thereisalightknockonthedoor.It’sCaroline.ShepullsmeintoherarmsandholdsmeasIcry.

“Howdidyouknow?’

“Mrs.Moorefromacrossthestreettoldme.NowhereIam.IamsosorryAria.Howisshe?Isshe

goingtobeokay?”

Iwipemytearsawayandslidemyhandsdownmypants.“No,she’sgoingtoleaveme.I’mnotready

forhertogoCaroline.Ican’tdothis.AndIneedtopickupJace.Ican’tjustleavehimwithChrissy.He

isprobablysoscaredandconfused.Ican’treachBender’sdumbasseither.Heshouldbehere.”

“Icanpickhimupandbringhimhereifyouwant,orIcantakehimtotheparkforalittlebitifyou

wanttostayherealittlelonger.Justletmeknowwhatyouneedfromme.Doyouneedmetocallwork

foryou?”

“No,Iamgoingtoworktonight.Ican’tjustsitheredoingnothing.Ineedtokeepbusy.”

ChapterTen

Jace was more than excited to go to the park with Caroline and I’m sure Chrissy was ready to be

relievedofhim.Sheloveskids,butJacecanwearapersonout.Iarriveattheparktotakehimhomewith

meforsometimealonewithhim.AllofthisshithasmescarednowmorethanevertotellBrianthetruth.

Ican’tlosemybabyboytoo.IwatchhimashegrinsatCaroline.Thetwoofthemtogetherisasightof

pure perfection. Caroline is so good with him. She’s tickling his tummy. He is shrieking in protest, the

cutestthingever.

I take him home with me for a bit. I get Jace fed his dinner and give him his bath. I know he is

confused about Faye being gone. He keeps asking where “Mam Mam is,” and going to her recliner. It

breaksmyheart.

The evening passes by quickly. We play with his cars and watch one of his favorite movies, The

Sandlot.

Caroline is back home and able to stay with Jace for me while I go to work. I feel horrible for

leavinghimagain,butIneedtokeepthebillspaid.

Tonight,iscrazybusy;Ihaven’tseenTylerallnight.Iwanttotellhimaboutmymom.Hehasgrown

attachedtoher.Isometimesteasehimthatheonlycomestothehousesohecanvisither.Iaminneedofa

break.Turningtheknobtothelounge,Itrytogainentrance,thedoorisjammed.Whatthehell?Igoover

tothebarandtakeaseat.ThereisonlyonereasonIcanthinkofforthedoortobelockedanditmakesmy

stomachchurn.Ikeepmyeyesgluedtothedoorwaitingforanyonetocomeout,anyonebutTyler.Ten

minutespass,mybreakisalmostoverwhenfinally,Iseethedoorcrack.

Erinwalksoutandwipesthecornersofhermouth.Thedoorshutsagain.Sheseesmewatchingand

givesmeasmirk.Myheartisinmythroat.Anotherminutepassesbyandthedooropens.Tylerwalksout

buttoninghissleeves.Hedoesn’tseemestudyinghisactions.Iamsosick,myheadfeelswoozy,andIam

afraidmykneesaregoingtobuckle.Ialmostgavemyhearttohim.Howcouldhe?Ihavebeenhonest

withhimfromthestart.

I grab the counter for support. I can’t control the tears as they start to flood my cheeks. Rushing

throughthefrontdoors,Itellthebouncersomethinghascomeup,totellTrinaIhadtoleave.Whatashitty

fuckingday!MymomisdyingandTylerdoingwhateverhewasdoingwiththatwhore!

Myphonebuzzes,it’sTylercalling.Nothankyou,Isendthecalltovoicemail.Heleavesamessage,

butIcan’tbeartohearhisvoiceandwhateverlieheisabouttofeedme.Notthisgirl,I’mnotgoingto

justbendoverandtakeit.

AfterIchangeclothesandsendCarolinehome,Ispendtherestofthenightwatchingcartoonswith

theonlymanIcantrustbesidesmydaddy,mylittleJace.

The next morning, I drop Jace off at daycare and head to the tanning salon. I have a party of five

scheduled for spray tans today. A bride and her bridesmaids are getting ready for her wedding. I keep

catchingmyselfeyingthefrontentranceofthegymnextdoor,watchingforTylertocomeinforhisdaily

workout.HenevershowsandeventhoughIammadathim,apartofmestillwantstoseehim.Iama

gluttonforpunishment.ThisiswhatIdeserve.AfterthewayIhavetreatedBrian,itservesmeright.After

myshiftisover,IleaveJaceindaycareforalittlelongersoIcangotothehospitaltocheckonFaye.

WhenIarriveatthehospitalthedoctoriswaitingforme.“MissStuart,Iregrettoinformyouthat

yourmother’sconditionisnotimproving,itisdeclining.Iamafraidthereisnothingmorewecandofor

her.Iwouldlikeyourpermissiontotakeherofflifesupport.”Thedoctorplaceshishandonmyshoulder.

“Isthereanyonewecancallforyou,anyotherfamily?”Ishakemyhead.“DoIhaveyourpermission?”I

nodinresponse.Ican’tbringmyselftosaythewords.HereachesmeaformandIsign.

Theygivemeafewminutestosaygoodbye.Irubherhand;itisstillsowarm.Herpulseistherebut

veryfaint.I’mnotreadytosaygoodbyeher,andwhereinthefuckisBenderwhensheneededhimthe

most,hejustfuckingbails.AnotheractionthattellsmeIamprobablybetteroffleavingshitwithTyler

alone.He’sabikertooandprobablyadirtyfuckerlikeBender.

“Iamsomadatyourightnow!HowcanyouleavemewhileIneedyouthemost?”Itakeamomentto

collectmythoughts.“I’vemadeadecision,I’mgoingtocallBrian.IamgoingtotellhimaboutJace.I

wishyoucouldbeherewhentheymeet.Iknowyouwillbeproudofmefordoingtherightthing.Ilove

youmom.”Ihaven’tcalledhermomtoherfacesinceIwasagirl.Ifeltshehadlosttherighttothetitle

untilthepastfewyears.

Iwishshe’dsqueezemyhandorflutterherlashes.Something,anything,togivemeasignthatshe

canhearme.Anythingtoletmeknowthedoctoriswrongandthatshe’sstillhereandnotgoinganywhere.

Thedoctorandafewnursescomeintotheroom,theyaskmetoleavetheroom,butthereisapartof

me that is hanging on. Hoping that they are wrong and when they unhook the tubes and machines she is

goingtobreatheonherown.Butitfinallyhitsmeoncetheyhaveunhookedeverythingthatherchestisn’t

raising.Mymotherisgone.

Iplaceacalltomydadfromthehallwaytolethimknowthatshehaspassedon.Idon’tthinkIhave

everheardmydaddycryuntilnow.Justbecausetheyhavebeendivorcedalltheseyearsdoesn’tmeanhe

don’tcareforher.“I’msosorrydaddy.I’msosorry,”Icryintothephoneashesobs.

Heisn’tabletoregainhiscomposurelongenoughtotellmuchelseacceptthathe’llcallmesoonto

talk.

Ipickmysonupfromdaycareandtakehimhome,wespendtheeveningcurledupinFaye’srecliner

together.“MamMam,”hesayspointingatherpictureonthesidetable.

“No baby, Mam Mam has gone to be with the angels.” It’s hard to fight back my tears as my baby

keepsaskingtoseeher.

After getting Jace tucked in, I make a call to Trina at the club and Chrissy at the salon to let them

know I won’t be in for a few days, that my mother has passed away. Each of them sends me their

condolencesandtellsmetotakeasmuchtimeasIneed.

IcallthelastpersonIeverexpectedtocall.IcallBrian.Ican’tbelievehisnumberislisted.

“Hello.”

“Brian,Ineedyou,”Iwhisperintothephone.

“Whoisthis?”

Iclearmythroat.“It’smeB,it’sAria.”

“Aria,isthisreallyyou?”

“Yes,it’sme.Ihavenorighttoaskthisofyoubutmymotherhaspassedaway,andIdon’twanttobe

alone.”Ialmostwanttotakebackmywords,butIdon’t.It’stimetorightthepast.

“Idon’tknowwhattosay.I’vebeenthinkingaboutyou.Alotlately.Arai...”hetrailsoffinthought,

possiblyshock.

“Please,Brian.Ican’tdothisalone.”

“Whenisthefuneral,Icanclearadaytobethere,justnameit.”

“Thefuneralwillbeheldinadayortwo.”ItellhimwhereIamandthereisnotakingitbackonce

thewordsleavemylips.

“Itwilltakesomerescheduling,butI’llbethere,emailmetheinformation.”

OhmyGod!DidIreallyjustcallBrianandaskhimtocomehere?

CarolinecomesoveraftershegetshomefromworktokeepJacesothatIcangotothefuneralhome

tofinalizethearrangements.MyfathercallednotlongafterIspokewithBrian,saidhehelpedmomget

herfinancessettledbeforeshepassedawayandhecalledherattorney.ThingsIwishmymotherwould

haveentrustedtome,butmaybeshedidn’twanttostressmeout.

Herbodyhasalreadybeentransportedtothefuneralhome.Thankfully,Fayewasbetterpreparedfor

this than I knew. She even has a casket picked out. It’s a charcoal gray. The inside is white satin and

embroideredwithroses.Shehadlifeinsuranceandshehadmostofthedetailssetupwithherattorney.

Theinsuranceisn’tmuchbutitisenoughtocovertheexpensesforherburial.

Everythingishappeningsofast.IwishIcouldrewindtimeandgobackandbeabetterdaughter.I

shouldhavebeenthereforhermore.IshouldhavemadeBenderbemorepresentinherlife.

Isignthenecessarypaperwork,finalizingthedetails.

Nowthatthedetailsarefinal,Igohometoe-mailBrian.Ican’tbelieveIamfinallygoingtotellhim

about Jace. Caroline has agreed to keep him for me during the funeral and while I talk to Brian

afterwards.Ifeverythinggoeswell,thenIwillhaveherbringJaceovertomeethim.

Myfatherwantedtobehere,butIunderstandit’shardforhim.Ithinkapartofhimhasalwaysstill

beeninlovewithher.

Isendthefollowinge-mailToBrian.

Me:Brian,

Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.It’snotyou,it’sme.Soundssolame,butitisthetruth.Iwill

explaineverythingafterthefuneral.Thankyousomuchforagreeingtocome.IknowIdon’thave

therighttoaskmuchofyou.Iknowyouhavequestions,andIhopetoanswerthemallforyousoon.

Thefuneralistomorrow.Iamsosorryfortheshortnotice.Icanpickyouupfromtheairportifyou

needmetojustletmeknow.Thankyousomuchforcoming.Ican’twaittoseeyou.

Aria

Brian:Idon’tunderstand,whatdidIeverdowrongAria?

Brian:AllIhaveeverdoneisloveyouandonlyyou,please,Ineedtoknow.Whydidyouwalk

away?

Brian:Ineededyou,morethanIhaveeverneededanyone,andyouwalkedaway.

Me:Brian,

Iamsosorryforhurtingyou.Ihopeonedayyouwillbeabletoforgiveme.Iwouldn’tsayIam

theonlypersonyouhaveeverloved,youdidgetmarried.

Brian:Arewereallygoingtogotherealready,andbesides,youseehowwellthatworkedout

forme.Ilosteverythinginthedivorce.Guessitservesmerightfornothavinghersignaprenuptial

agreement. Anyways, I have already booked a flight and scheduled a rental car. You can text the

directionstothefuneralhomeafterIland.Ican’twaittoseeyoueither.Wehavealotofcatching

uptodo.Youowemealotanswers…

Iamsonervous.TherearesomanyemotionsflowingthroughmyveinsrightnowI’mnotsurewhatI

amfeeling.Iamsoconsumedwithguiltandgrief.Theonlythingkeepingmegoingismyhandsomelittle

man,myJace.IknowFayewouldbesohappytoknowthatheisfinallygoingtomeethisfather.Ijust

hopeBriandoesn’tfreakoutonme.It’sbeensomanyyearssinceIhaveseenhim.Peoplecanchange,

can’tthey?God,Ihopeso.

IhavetotakeFaye’spantsuittothefuneralhome.IfeellikethereissomethingIamforgettingtodo,

butIcan’tplacemyfingeronwhatexactly.IthoughtthatTylermightcallorstopbywhenheheardabout

mymother,butIguessheisdonewithme.Iknowweweren’texactlyofficial,butwhathedidstingsme

tomycore,butrightnow,IneedtofocusondoingrightbyJace.

The day is here that I have to say goodbye to my mom. I don’t know how I am supposed to say

goodbyewhenIfeellikeIjustgotherback.Wedidn’talwayshavethegreatestrelationship.ButonceI

movedhereandJacewasborn,shebecamethemotherIalwayswantedbutneverknewIneeded.Itake

JaceovertoCaroline’s.ShehugsmeandtellsmesheissosorryaboutFaye.Shegivesmeakissonthe

cheekandwishesmeluckwithBrian.Leaveittometomakethisdayasfuckedupaspossible.ButBrian

isonlyabletobeherefortonight.HehastoflystraightbacktoCincinnationtheredeyeatmidnight.I

didn’tthinkitwouldbeagoodideajusttospringJace’sexistenceonhimatthefuneral.

Idressinasimpleblackdressandheels.Sweepingmylong,darklocksintoatightbun,Ilookvery

BreakfastatTiffany’sinmypearls.IpullmycellphonefrommyclutchandtextBriandirectionstothe

funeralhome.Therearen’tmanypeoplehere.Fayedidn’thaveanyfamilyherebesidesmeandlittleman,

andbothofherparentshavelongpassed.

Someofherformerco-workershavecometopaytheirrespects.Benderandafewmembersofhis

clubfinallyshowtheirfaces.Idon’tknowhowhecanevenbothernowthatsheisgone.Imarchoverto

Benderreadytogivehimapieceofmymind.Hethinkshe’ssotoughwearinghisleathers.Hisweathered

face holds a snarl. With his arms crossed he greets me. “Aria, I’m sorry about your mom. If there is

anythingIcando,justletmeknow.Theclubishereforyou.”

“Wowreally,likeyou’vebeentherewhileyourwifewasdying.”Ispitathim.

“Ionlydidwhatshewanted.Wehadourtime.Whenshestartedgettingworse,shemademepromise

tostayaway.Yourmomdidn’twantmeseeingherthatway.Shewantedtosaveeverylastminuteforyou

andJace.Shewasadamnfinewomantome,andIowedherthatmuch.I’vehadtimetomakepeacewith

herdeath,butyoudon’tgettosayIwasn’tthereforherandthatIdidn’tcare.Youdon’tknowshitabout

ourrelationship.”

Iswallowmyprideandapologize.AsmadasIwanttobeatBender,Ican’ttakemyangerouton

him.

“I’msorryBender,shenevertoldme.Idon’tknowwhattosay.”

“Nothingtosaysweetheart,you’regrievingandwantsomebodytobeangrywith.Itain’tmethough.

Myofferstillstands.Youneedanything,youcallme.”

Inodandlookaroundtheroom.

Thereisn’tanysignofBrian,maybehechangedhismind.

I have taken my seat in the front and just as the preacher is about to begin his short sermon, Brian

takesuptheseatnexttomeinthepew.Hetakesmyhandinhisandgivesitagentlesqueeze.Something

aboutmyhandbeingplacedinthecradleofhisfeelssosafeandfamiliar,Ifeelaninnerpeacetakeover

me.Hisgentletouchsoothesme.

Itakeamomenttostudyhisfeatures.Hehasn’tchangedmuch.Hishairisstillthesamesandybrown

waves,excepttheyareshorterthanIlastremember.Hisgreeneyesstillsparkle,butInoticeafewlines

thatweren’ttherebeforearoundthecorners.Hisnoseisstillangularandwhenhegivesmeareassuring

smileitislopsidedjustlikeJace’s.

Thepreacherbeginstalking,andIfocusmyattentiononhiseveryword.

“Family, friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a remarkable woman. Faye

Walkerwasalovingmotherandfriend.Shewasbornin1965inthetownofHuntington,WestVirginiaon

a warm summer’s day. She touched all who knew her with her warm friendly smile. She never met a

strangerandalwayshadahelpinghandforthoseinneed.So,Iaskyoutodayfriends,toliftherfamilyin

yourprayersastheylayhertorest.”

The funeral concludes with everyone filing out row by row and paying their last respects at her

coffin.BrianclingstomysideofferingmehissupportasmykneesgiveoutwhenIlookuponmymother’s

faceonefinaltime.

IamdrowninginmyemotionsandfeellikeIwillneverswimmywaybacktothetop.Shelooksso

peacefullyinghere.Herbrownhairliesacrosshershoulders.Herlipsaretintedwithnudegloss.Sheis

wearing her favorite black pant suit. Around her neck is the heart locket I gave her with Jace’s picture

afterIdecidedtokeephim.Shelookslikesheistakingthebestnapofherlifeanditmakesmefeelbetter

thatshelookssoatpeace.ItmakesmefeellikeitisasignthatsheapprovesofBrianbeinghereandwhat

Iamabouttotellhim.

BriandrivesmetothecemeterysoIcanseeherplacedinherfinalrestingplace,shedidn’twanta

gravesideservice.I’mnotinanyshapetodrivemyself.IamcryingsohardIcanbarelywalkstraight.I

knowIneedtotellBrianthetruth,therealreasonwhyIaskedhimtobehere.Leaveittohimtogeta

flashysportscar.HeisdrivingaredPorsche.“Niceride,”Imanagetotellhimbetweenmytears

“Thanks,IamthinkingImayneedtobuyit.”Heflasheshisfamouslopsidedgrinatme.

Bender followed us to the cemetery and invited me to the life celebration they are having in my

mom’shonorathisclubhousebutIdecline.Ineedtodealwithmypast—Brian.

ChapterEleven

Watching the dirt be shoveled onto my mother’s coffin chills me to the bone. I have never had

someoneIlovesomuchdiebefore.Istarttosweat,beinghererightnowandseeinghowpreciousand

short life really is makes me see now more than ever that I need to tell Brian the truth. I say one more

goodbyetoFaye.IblowherakissandtellherIamabouttomakethingsright.IjoinBrianinhisrental

car.

“Hey,Ineedtocheckinatmyhotelandmakeafewphonecalls.Ifigurewecouldswingbythere

beforedinner.”

“Sure,”isallImanagetochokeout.

Mystomachisflipfloppingthewholedrive.ThevalettakesBrian’skeysandIfollowhimintothe

lobby.IfeellikeJuliaRobertsinPrettyWoman,walkingintothisfancyhotelwithahandsome,richman.

Iknowmysituationiscompletelydifferent,butit’sthewayIfeel.Itakeaseatbythenearestelevatorand

stealamomenttosendCarolineatexttocheckonJace.

Shetellsmenottoworryandtotakemytime.Briangivesmeatoothygrin,andleadsmeintothe

elevator.“Ican’tbelieveIamreallyherewithyourightnow,”hewhispersagainstmyneck.Beingwith

himrightnowfeelslikewehaven’tbeenapartforfiveyears,itfeelssonatural.

Walkingintohissuiteissurreal.Thisroomisgorgeous.Idon’tknowwhyapersonwouldspendso

muchforaroomforafewhours.“Makeyourselfcomfortable,Iwillonlybeafewminutes.Fifteenatthe

most.”

Iwalkaroundtheroomandtakeinthedécor.Itlookslikeahoneymoonsuite.Therehastobeatleast

threeormoredifferentfloralarrangementsinhere.

HewalksintowhatIassumeisthebedroomandclosesthedoor.Itakeaseatonthesofaandpick

nonexistentlintfrommydress.Ican’tbelieveIamabouttodothis.Idon’tknowhowtoformthewords.I

playthemoverandoveragaininmyhead.Itissomucheasierintheory.Irollthewords,“Iliedtoyou,”

aroundonmytongue.Theytastebitter.

Thereisaknockonthedoor.Peekingthroughthepeephole,Iseeitisonlyabellhop.Iopenthedoor

andhereachesmeBrian’ssuitcase.Awkwardly,Iknockonthebedroomdoor.“It’sopen,”hecallsfrom

the other side. I open the door to find a shirtless Brian sitting on the bed talking on his cell phone. He

holdshishandupsignalingthathewillbejustaminutemore.Isethissuitcaseontopofthedresserand

wait.

Thepastfewyearshavebeengoodtohim.HisbuildismoredefinedthanIremember.IknowIso

shouldn’tbecheckinghimoutrightnow,butIcan’thelpit,helooksgood.Damngood.

Endinghiscall,helooksmeover.“Youlooklikeyoucoulduseadrink.”

“Brian,thatprobablyisn’tagoodidea.”Ifollowhimintothekitchenareaandhepourshimselfa

shot.Inoticehishandsaretrembling.

“Areyounervousorsomething,yourhands…they’reshaking,”Iobserve.

“You,beinghereinfrontofme,yeahithasmeworriedthatIamgoingtosaysomethingstupidtofuck

thisup.”

“Iseethatyoustillliketodrink.”Thewordsslipfromtongue,beforeIrealizehowtheymustsound.

Hesemismiles.“Don’tworry,Icanhandlemyselfnow.Ijusthaveanoccasionaldrink.”

Igiveinandtakehimuponhisofferforadrink.

“Yourmom,shehadcancer?”

“Yeah,shewasterminalbutthat’snotwhatkilledher.Shehadastroke.”Talkingaboutitmakesme

starttocryagain.ThewaterworksstartandIhavetograbatissue.

“Hey,it’sokay.Justrelax.”Heplaceshishandsonmyarms.Icanseehisheartbeatingthroughhis

chest. Dang, he needs to put a shirt on. Him standing this close to me half naked is not good when my

emotionsarealloutofwhack.

“IhavebeenwaitingforthismomentforsolongAria…toseeyouagain.Youdon'tknowhowhardI

have wished to see you, talk to you, be with you... I wanted to come after you, but life happened.” He

takesastepcloser.Iplacemyhandonhischesttoputdistancebetweenus,buthemistakesmygesturefor

aninvitation.Placinghislipstomine,hemurmurs,“BetterthanIremember.”

Iknowbetter,butIcan’tstopwhenmybodyrespondstohis.Iclutchmyarmsaroundhisneck.His

kissesaresogentle,sotentative.Hepicksmeup,pushingmydressuparoundmywaistasmylegshook

aroundhim.

Somuchfortalking.

Hecontinuestoplacehistortuouskissesdownmythroat,remindingmeofsimplertimes.Backwhen

weweretwocarefreekidsmakingoutinthebackofhistruck.

Gently, he lays me on the bed. I feel so safe here with him, like nothing bad can touch me. Brian

knowsme,insideandout.Heknowshowtopleasureme.Hehasdoneitsomanytimesbefore.Takinghis

time, he kisses his way up to my center. Hooking a finger around my pink lace panties, he pulls the

materialtotheside.Hegivesmeaknowingsmirk.Iwatchhim,placinghislipstomyfolds,hiswarm

tonguedartsoutandhelicksmeonesingletime.

Heremovesmypanties.“Stilltastesweeterthancandy.”

“Careful,Imightmeltonyourtongue,”Iretort.MymindistellingmeIshouldstophim,butmybody

isscreamingmore.Igiveintotemptationanddesiretakesover.Grabbingthetopofhishead,Ipullonhis

hairashepresseshismouthtomyclit.Watchinghimissosexy.Histonguedelvesinsideme.Ipullhis

hairharderandbuckmyhipsinresponseandpullmydressovermyheadexposingmydaintypeek-a-boo

pinklacebra.

“How is it possible that you are better than I remember? My dreams haven’t done you justice. So

beautiful.”

“Youdreamaboutme?”

“EverynightofmylifeIgotobedthinkingofyourface,andwakedisappointedthatyou’renotlying

inmybedcurledupnexttome.Youhavenoideahowgoodthisfeelstobewithyouagain.I love you

Aria.Alwayshave.I’llloveyoutillthedayIdie.”

“Hmm,”isallIcanrespondwithasheflicksmynipplewithhistongue.

Brian positions himself over my wet slit while he rolls a condom onto himself. Gently, he eases

inside of me. He takes a moment to enjoy the feel of me. “Baby, you have no idea how good you feel.

Fuck,howI’vemissedthis…you…us.”

“Shhh,lesstalkingmoreaction.”

IawakenhourslateraloneinBrian’shotelroom.Iwipethesleepfrommyeyes,andlookoveratthe

clock,it’soneA.M.Shit!IhopeCarolineisn’tfreakingout.Ishouldhavebeenhomehoursago.Iflipthe

lampon.Thereisanoteonthenightstand.

Aria,

Tonight,wasamazing.Ididn’twanttowakeyou;youweresleepingsopeacefully.Ihadtocatch

myflight.Feelfreetospendthenight,checkoutisn’tuntil11am.Ihopetoseeyousoon.Ihopetosee

youinthestandsatmynextgame.Youhavenoideaofthepoweryoustillholdoverme.

Brian

Therearetwopassestohisnextgamepeekingoutfromunderthenote.Fuck!Ididn’tevengettotell

himaboutJace.Scramblingfromthebed,IcallCarolineandapologizetoheramilliontimes.Shetells

menottoworrythatJacehasbeeninbedforhours.IletherknowthatIwillbetheresoon.Ican’tbelieve

I was so irresponsible. I must have passed out, today was exhausting both mentally and physically. I

checkoutatthefrontdesk,andflagacabtotakemetomycar.

I can’t believe I just had sex with Brian after my mother’s funeral. What kind of person does that?

Apparentlyafuckedupselfishonelikeme!IbangmyheadagainstmysteeringwheelasIsitinmycar

andcry.Yeah,Iamhavingapitypartyformyself.Finallymakingithome,Icrashonmycouch.

Iwakeupthenextmorningtothesoundofbaconbeingfriedinmykitchen.Jaceissittingonthefloor

watchingcartoons.IgivehimaquickkissontheheadandletCarolineknowI’mgoingtotakeaquick

shower.Asthewaterbeatsdownoverme,Iletmytearsfall.Ihavemadesuchamessofthings.Howdid

Iletthenightspiralsooutofcontrol?

Afterdressing,IjoinJaceandCarolineatthetableforbreakfast.Sheslidesacupofcoffeeacross

thetabletome.“Nowdish!”Shegivesmeanexcitedlook.

“Youdon’twanttoknow!”Igroanfeelingsoashamedofmyself.

“TheH-E-doubleL,Idon’t,nowspill.”Shetapsherimpatientfingersonthetable.“Fayetalkedof

thisbabymeetinghisdaddyforthepastyear,itwasherdyingwish,”shetellsme.

“What?Shenevertoldmethat.”

“Here.Iwassupposedtowaitbeforegivingyouthis,buthere,takeit.”Shehandsmealetterand

goesbacktohercoffee.

MyhandsstarttotrembleasIreadmymother’sfinalwordstome.

Aria,

Mybeautifulgirl,ifyouarereadingthisthenIhavesuccumbedtomyillness.Idon’twantyouto

mournforme,rejoiceinthefactthatIlivedahappylife.BeingyourmotherandJace’sgrandmother

wasthegreatestaccomplishmentofmylife.Iwouldn’ttakeanyofmymistakesback.Theybroughtme

toyourfatherandledyouandJacetome.Lifehasafunnywayofbringingyouthepeopleyouneed

mostatcertaintimesthroughoutyourlife.Whenpeopleleaveyourlifesometimesitonlymeansthat

theyhaveservedthepurposetheyweremeantto.Andifatimecomesthatyouneedthemagain,God

willputtheminyourpathoncemore.So,mysweetgirl,lovehardandliveevenharder.Thereareno

setpromises,justpromisemeyouwillfollowyourheart.Ionlyaskonething,pleasetellBrianabout

Jace. It is my last request of you. I know your intentions were true, but you and Brian aren’t your

fatherandme.Youmustlivelifeandmakemistakessoyoucanlearnfromthemandgrow.Iknowyou

willraiseJacetobeafineyoungman.TellhimhisMamMamlovedhimwithallshehad.

Withallmylove,

Mom

ChapterTwelve

Gettingupfromthetablewithshakylegs,ItakeouttheticketsBrianleftformefrommyclutch.They

are season passes, meaning I can go at any time. I get online from my phone’s browser to look up the

schedulefortheRedJackets.Theyhaveagametomorrow.I’mnotscheduledtoworkagainforanother

twodays.LookslikeIhaveaflighttobook.

Icandothis.

Iwilldothis.

Jacewillmeethisdad.

CarolineiswatchingmeasIstartfranticallypacingthefloorwhilemakingcallstobookaflightfor

Jaceandmyself.IplantoshowupforBrian’snextgamewithJacetofulfillmymother’sfinalwish.

IexplaintoCarolinethatIdidn’tgetthechancetotellBrianaboutJacelastnightandhowIplanto

justshowupandsurprisehim.“YouthinkI’mcrazy,right?”

“No,Ithinkitisquiteromantic.”Shebeamsatme.

Iaminarushtogettotheairport.Imanagedtobookthelasttwoseatsavailableonthelastflightto

Cincinnatiforthenight.IpackedacarryonbagforJaceandme,wewillonlybespendingthenightin

Cincy tonight. We have to fly back late tomorrow evening. I decided against telling Brian we—I, well,

thatwearecoming.

JaceandIbarelymakeourflight.Iamsonervousandexcited;Idon’tknowwhattodowithmyself.

BythistimetomorrowBrianwillknowthetruth.Iwon’tbeabletosleepawinktonight.Wegetchecked

intoourroom,Jaceisfastasleep,butmymindisracingthroughmythoughtsathousandmilesaminute.I

amreallygoingthroughwiththiscrazyplan.Jaceisgoingtomeethisfather.IfeelFayeissmilingdown

onme,butIcan’thelpbutfeelanxious.WhatwillBriando?Willheforgiveme?Willheunderstand?

Ihopeso,Ireallyhopeso.

Iwakethenextdayafterafewhoursofrestlesssleep.Iamrunningonadrenalineandenergydrinks.

Wehaveafewhourstokillbeforethegamestarts,soIdecidetotakeJacetothezoo.

Hisfacelightsupsobrightwitheachnewanimalwesee.Igetsotickledashetriestomimicthe

differentanimalsounds.Iwishwecouldstaylonger,butIdon’twanttobelateforthegameasmuchasI

wishIcouldavoidwhatIhavetodo,Ican’t.

Wetakeacabtothestadium.Iamsonervous,Ihavetofightthebilethatkeepsclimbingitswayup

mythroat.IbuyJacesomememorabiliatorememberthisdayby.Theyaresellingsmalljerseysandhow

perfectisitthattheyhaveonewiththenameCaseonthebackofit.Ijusthavetoputitonhim.Helooks

adorableandremindsmeoftheboywhosaidhelovedmesolongago.Ionlyhopeheremembersthat

whenIshatterhisworldagain.

Theguywhochecksourpassestellsmewehaveprivateboxseats.HetakesadoublelookatJace

andme,buthedoesn’tcomment.Iwonderifhenoticestheresemblance.

Aswemakeourwaytoourseat,myboyisjumpingupanddownwithexcitement.Ican’tbelieveI

neverthoughttotakehimtoarealgamebeforenow.ThisisJace’sfirstrealgameandheisgoingtobe

watchinghisdaddyplay.Iwishhecouldunderstandhowmonumentaltodaytrulyis.Weareseatedbyan

ushernexttoanoldergentleman.HedoesadoubletakeatJace.“Mygoodnessheisthespittingimageof

BrianCase.Ididn’tknowhehadason.”

“I’msorry,Idon’tmeantoberude,butwhoareyou?”Igivethemanasidewaysglance.

“MartyWalsh,Iowntheteam.”

“Oh,myapologiessir.Ihadnoidea.”Iblush.Ican’tbelieveBriangavemetheseseats.

“It’sashamethelittlefellowwon’tgettoseehisdadplaytoday.”

Hiswordsstunme,Ididn’tcorrecthisassumptionbutIcan’thelpbutwonderwhathemeansbyhis

statement.“Oh,whyisthat?”

Heleansoverclosetome,andwhispers.“So,youhaven’theard?It’salloverthenews.Thatjackass

wentandgothimselfarrestedforaDUIlastnight.Wehadtosuspendhimfromplayingintoday’sgame.”

“Oh.”Ilettheman’swordssinkin.Comingherewasamistake,Brianobviouslyhasn’tchanged.In

fact,hemustbedrinkingmorenowthanever.Ishouldhaveknownwhenhewassoeagertodownthat

shot.Thewayhishandswereshakingwasadeadgiveaway,Iwasjusttooblindtosee.

“Isheheretoday,atthegame?”Heshakeshishead.“Please,don’ttellhimwewerehere,”Idemand.

“Well,it’snoneofmybusiness.”Heshrugsandstandsupfortheanthem,soItellJacetostandtoo.

Wearealreadyhere,soIguessthereisnoharminlettingJacestayandwatchthegame,wellmostof

itanyways.Heissocute.Hepointsandsays,“IwanttoplayballMa.”

“Mr.Walshturnstohimandsays,ifyoutakeafteryourfather,you’llcomeplayforthisteam,Lord

willing.”

I smile weakly, his saying if Jace takes after Brian makes me worry about him someday becoming

addictedtoalcohol.Mymindflashestomymother,andIfeeldepressedalloveragain.

IwishIcouldcallher.Iwouldcallmydad,butI’msurehe’satwork,andwehaven’tbeentalkingas

muchlately..

Afterthesixthinning,IputaverytiredlittleboyandmyselfonaplanebacktoMiami.Tomorrow,

lifemustgoon.Idon’thavetobeatthetanningsalon,butIdohavetoworkatIndigo.

IdreadseeingTylerandthatwhore,Erin.MaybeIwillgetluckyandneitherofthemwillbethere.If

only,Icouldneverbesolucky.WhenIgethomeCarolinecallstoseehowthingswent,butIdon’thave

theenergytotalkaboutit.I’mspent.AllIwanttodoiscurlupinmybedandforgetaboutlifeforafew

hoursanyway.

WhenIpullintoworkthenextnightErin’scarisinthegarage.“Fantastic!”Iyelltonoone.Atleast

I don’t see Tyler’s car. My phone beeps telling me I have two unheard voicemails. I listen to the first

message,it’sfrommydadcheckinguponmeandthesecondisafewdaysold,andit’sfromTyler.

“Hey, sugar tits, I was hoping to catch you before my flight. My plans changed. I was stuck in a

meetingwithafewofthedancerswhenyouleft.Hopeeverythingisokay.Callmewhenyoucan.”

“Endofmessages.”

Mystomachdrops.OnlygoodthingaboutmyweeksisthatImissedthevisitfromthatotherMC,the

GrimExecutioners.Mychestconstricts.Tylersayshewasinameeting.WhichmeansIamanidiotandhe

wastiedupinclubbusiness.WasIseeingthingswhenIwatchedErinwalkoutofthatroomfollowedby

Tyler?

Guess I will have to put my big girl panties on and ask her. Making my way into the club, I am

greetedwithhugsandcondolences.Myradarisonlysetononeperson,Erin.

Sheisseatedatoneofthedressingtablesapplyingherlipstick.

“Hey,yougotaminute?”

“Heystranger,surewhat’sup?”

“ThelastnightIworked,whenyouwereintheloungewithTyler,whatwasthatabout?”

“Oh,umthemeeting.Hewastalkingtoafewofusabouthisbeinggoneforacoupleofdaysandthat

hedidn’twantyouherewhentheotherclubwasintown.Didn’twanthiswomanentertainingthemseedy

bastards,washisexactwordsIthink.Why?”

“Justcurious.Thanks.”

“DidyouandTylerhavealover’sspatorsomeshit?”

“He’snotmylover,keepyourvoicedown,thereareearseverywhereinhere.Doyouknowwhenhe

iscomingback?”

“Ithinkhewillbeheretomorrownight,butI’mnotpositive.Itoldyoumylipsaresealed.Tylerhas

alreadytalkedtomeabouttheimportanceofyournon–relationshipstayingunknown,untilheclaimsyou

anyway.”Sheputsherfingersupmakingquotationsatme.“Youmissedoutonthatparty.Themboysfrom

Georgiadon’tfuckaroundandtheytipwelltoo.Oneofthemevenproposedtome.”shelaughs.“Whenis

Tylergonnaclaimyouanyway?”

“Claimme?”Iaskwithpinchedbrowsandascrunchedupnose.

“Damn,youreallyareoutoftheloop,aren’tyou?Honey,whenTylerclaimsyou,itwillmeanyou

areunderhisprotectionandthathewilltakeabsolutecareofyou.”

“Great,”Imumbleputtingmytailbetweenmylegs.IshouldhavethoughtbetterofTyler.Henever

gavemeareasontodoubthimorhisfeelingsforme.Andnowwhenhecomesback,Igettomakeanass

ofmyselfbytellinghimIfuckedBrian.MaybeIshouldn’ttellhim,butIcan’tdothat.Mylieshaveonly

broughtmemisery.MaybeifIamtruthfulforoncekarmawillshinedownonme.Yeasure,Isnort.Fuck,

nowIamtalkingtomyself.

Thenightpassesbyinablur.Ihaven’theardanythingfromBriansincetheothernight.Maybehe

wasonlyinterestedinsleepingwithmeonelasttime.Notlikeitmatters,nowthatIknowheisdrinking,I

amdeterminednowmorethanevertokeephimfromJace.

Laterthatnight,curiosityrearsitsuglyheadsoIstartGooglingTylerMathews.Let’s see who you

reallyare.

Afewpicturespopupofhimplayingsoccerincollege.Buttheonearticlethatgrabsmyattentionis

oneabouthimgivingupachancetoplaysoccerinBrazil.Iclickonthearticleandbeginreadingmore:

Standoutsoccerstar,TylerMathews,hasturneddownanopportunitytoplayinBrazil.When

askedwhyhewouldgiveupthechancehestatednocomment.Sourcesclosetotheathletespeculate

thathetakescareofhisolderbrotherwhohasmusculardystrophy.Thecostofhisbrother’scareis

toogreatforhisparentstoaffordontheirownandhehasgivenuponsoccertoworktohelppay

forhiscare.

Wow,Tylerisanamazingman.NowIknowwhathemeantaboutlovingsomeoneandnotgivingup

onthem.Ihaveruinedmychanceswiththisremarkableguy.WhenItellhimIsleptwithBrian,hewill

walkaway.But,Ican’tnottellhim.Onelieonlyleadstomore.

Ireadalittlemoreaboutwhatastandupplayerhewas.

HowdoesaguylikehimgetmixedupwithmenlikeBenderandhisclub?

Thenextevening,IwalkJacenextdoortoCaroline’s;hergrandsonisstayingtheweekendwithher.

HeplayssowellwithJace.

Tonight,Igettobeuponstage.Dancingisawelcomeddistraction.Ihaven’tbeenabletogetTyler,

orBrianoutofmyhead.Idressinagoldbustier.Itcoordinatesperfectlywithmyblackshortsandgold

mask.Iclaspmypearlsaroundmyneck.Pearlsalwaysmakemefeelclassy.Trinagivesmemycue,andI

makemywayontocenterstage.

The music starts, tonight my song of choice is Damaged by Danity Kane. It fits how I feel about

Tyler.ItakethestrandofpearlsbetweenmyteethasIslithermywayacrossthestage.Ilockmysightson

Tyler,heisbehindthebar.Helookssofuckinggood.Istopdancingwhenoureyesmeet.Helooksaway

andmyheartsinks,butIcontinuemyroutine.WillhestillwantmeafterhelearnswhatI’vedone?

ChapterThirteen

Wehaven’tspokenindaysandImisshim—Tyler.Imisshissmile,hisstrongarmsmakingmefeel

likeeverythingwillworkout.Ifinishmydanceandheadtothedancer’slounge.Tylerfollowsme,buthe

doesn’tlockthedoor.

“Hey.”Hegivesmeahug.“Iamsosorryaboutyourmom.HadIknown,Iwouldhavetriedtocancel

mytriptoNashville.IshouldhaveknownsomethingwaswrongwhenIdidn’thearfromyou.”

“Iknow,I’msorryIwasbeinganidiot.Howdidyourmeetinggo?”IaskavoidingwhatIneedtotell

him.I’mtheworst.Hewasrighttonotwanttogetinvolvedwithme.

“Great. You are looking at the co-owner of this club. I’m glad you weren’t here during the rally.

Things got out of control. If anyone had put their hands on you, I would have ripped them off.” he

chuckles,buthiseyestellmehemeansthat.

“That’sgreat,Iamreallyhappyforyou.”Heleansintokissme.Myguiltmakesmestophim.“Tyler,

Ihavetotellyousomething.”Helooksatmewithacuriousface.“Ididsomethingstupid.Theothernight

whenIlastsawyou…Itriedtocomeintotheloungeandthedoorwaslocked.Isatatthebarandwaited

toseewhowouldcomethroughthedoorandI,uh.IsawErinwalkoutandshewaswipinghermouth.

Andwell,thepointis,youwalkedoutafterher,andyouwerebuttoningyoursleeves.Ithought…”

“Youthoughtwhat,Aria?”HepullsbackfrommeandIdon’tblamehim.Myassumptionmustfeel

likeasmacktotheface.

“Ithoughtyouwereinherewithher.Ididn’tstickaroundtofindoutwhatwashappening.So,when

youcalledmeIignoredit.”

“Don’t you trust me? I would never hurt you. I told you I would try, and I meant it. I stand by my

words,youofallpeopleshouldknowthatbynow.”

“There’s more. My mom passed away. I was so hurt and confused. I am still hurting. But, it's no

excuseforwhatI’vedone.Youaren'tgoingtowantmeanymore.”Mytearsstartspillingoverthebrimsof

myeyes.“IcalledBrian,andhecamehereforthefuneral.IhadeveryintentiontotellhimaboutJace,but

somehowIendedupinhishotelroom.”

“JuststopAria!Idon’tneedtoheartherest.God!”Hespinsaroundandpunchesthewall.Next,he

goeskickingthecouch.

“PleaseTyler,Ineedtoexplainwhathappened!”Igrabaholdofhisarm,buthepullsawayfromme.

“Don’ttouchmerightnow,”hewarns,hisvoicethickwithemotion.Theveininhisneckispulsing.

“PleaseTyler,justlistentome!”Idroptomyknees,mysobshiccupinmychestashelooksatme

withadarknessinhiseyesIhaveneverseen.

“Aria,Itoldyoutochoose,andifyouchosehimIwouldwalkaway;thisismecaringenoughtodo

justthat.”HisfingersbrushthetopofmyhairandforamomentIthinkhe’sgoingtostay.“Imighthave

lovedyou,”hewhispers,andIdieontheinsidehearingthosewords.

Watchinghimwalkawayissohard.Iwanttorunafterhimandmakehimsee.Idon’tloveBrian.I

wanthimandonlyhim.IneedTylertounderstand.

Ineedhim.

Jaceneedshim.

Instead,Istayfrozeninplace,hopingandprayinghewillwalkbackthroughthedoorandtellmeit’s

okay.Ikeepwaitingbuthedoesn’treturn.Droppingtomyass,Ididn'tthinkitwouldhurtthisbad.

WhydoIruineverything?It’sasthoughIsabotagemyownhappinessateveryturn.

Ifinishouttherestofmyshiftwithoutseeinghimanymore.Iamprettysurehehasleftforthenight.I

pickmylittlemanupfromCaroline’seventhoughheissupposedtobespendingthenight.Idon’twantto

bealonetonight.

Idon’texplaintoCaroline,Ijusthugmysontighttomychestandcrywhilehesleeps.

Laterthatnight,I’mlookingthroughsomeoldpicturesofmymomreminiscingandfeelingsorryfor

myself.

Thereisaknockonmydoor,andIgetexcitedthinkingTylermusthavechangedhismind.He’scome

totellmehethathecanforgiveme.Butitisn’tTyler.

IopenmydoortoabrokenBrian,thisisnotthewayIlastsawhim.Hishairlooksgreasy;thereare

purplecirclesunderhisoncebeautifulgreeneyes.Nowtheyaredull,lifelesseven.Idon’tneedtoaskto

knowwhyheishere;heknowsthetruth.Icanseeitwrittenalloverhisface.

“Whatgivesyouthefuckingrighttomakeadecisionlikethatforme?Justwhointhehellareyou

Aria?Whatkindofpersondoesthat,andtotheirchild?Ihadeveryrighttoknow!Everyfuckingright!”

Briangoesdownononekneeclutchinghischestlikehecan’tbreathe.He’ssoangryandhaseveryright

tohateme.

“Justcalmdown!Letmeexplain,pleasedon’twakeJace.”Itakeasteptowardshimandheflinches

back,likeIdisgusthim.

“Why don’t you calm the fuck down? Your days of making my choices are over. I want to see him

Aria!Iwanttoseemyson.”Hestaggersforwardashegetsup.

I hold my palms up. “Okay. You will see him, but not like this. Not while you are upset. And not

whenyouhavebeendrinking.Iwon’tallowitBrian.”

“Don’tdothat.Don’ttalkdowntomelikeIamachildyouaretakingpityon.Youcan’tkeephim

frommeanylonger!Jace,daddy’shere!”heshoutstakingasteptowardsthehall.Trippingoverhisfoot,

hecatcheshisbalanceonthecouch.

Takingastepinfrontofhimwhileholdingmyhandsup,Ibeghim,“Brianplease,juststopandthink

foramoment.Ifyougobargingintohisroomshoutingandwakinghimup,youwillscarethepissoutof

him.Hedoesn’tknowwhoyouare.I’msorryforthat,Iam.”

Heinterruptsmyattemptatanapology.“Whydidn’tyoutellme,wasInotgoodenoughforyou?”He

lookssolostrightnow,theboyIhavelovedmywholelifeisstaringatmelikewearestrangers.Heis

breakingmyheartalloveragain.

“Brian, you were my everything. I wanted a better life for you than what my dad had. Can’t you

understandthat?Iwantedyoutoliveyourdreamandyoudid,youstillcanifyoupullyourheadoutof

yourass!”Igritmyteethinfrustration;thisisn’thowIpicturedourconversationturningout.“Howdid

youfindoutaboutJace,whotoldyou?”

“Didn’tyouseethepictureofthetwoofyousittingnexttomyboss,MartyWalsh,inthenewspapers?

Itonlytookmeonelookatthepicturetoseethatheismine!”Heispacingthefloorandnottoswiftlyin

hisdrunkenstupor.

“Brian,please!”

“Itwasn’tyourchoicetomakeAria!You’reaselfishbitch.Iwouldhavebeen,no,Iamgoingtobe

thebestdad.Tomorrow,Iamcallingmylawyer,Ihaverights.Iwon’ttrytotakehimfromyou,likeyou

haveme.But,hewillknowme,andyoucan’tstopit.”Withonefistclenchedandhisotherhandopen,he

ispointinghisfingerdirectlyatmynose,practicallyrammingitinmyface.

“Ihavewantedtotellyou,butIjustneverfeltitwastherighttime.IwasgoingtotellyouwhenI

made the choice to keep him, but I decided to wait. I wanted you to get through school. Then you had

beensignedtoplaywiththeRedJackets.Thenafterthatyougotmarried.Ididn’twanttocauseyouany

problems.Thenyourdivorcehappenedandthetabloidsreportedyourtroubles.Ididn’twanttoaddtoit.”

Itrytocalmhimandreassurehim,butitisofnouse,thereisnoreasoningwithhimwhenhegetslike

this.

“Wecouldhavehadagreatlifetogether,Aria.Anddamn,ifIdon’tstilljustwanttotakeyouinmy

arms and never let you go again. But I don’t know if I can ever forgive this. I want to kiss your lying

mouth even though you don’t deserve it. I loved you and you tore out my heart and stomped on it. And

now…I find out you pulled this shit!” Tears run down his face, and I ache to make it right, but I don’t

knowhow.

Briantakesmebysurprise,grabbingmebythebackofmyhead,andforcefullyshovinghistongue

downmythroat.Hesmellslikeaseedybar.Iusedtoacheforthismoment,butnotlikethis.Ipushhim

back,buthedoesn’tstopsmotheringmewithhisunwantedaffection.

Ibitedownonhistongueandhefinallyletsmego.

“Stop,Brian!Notlikethis.Idon'twantyoulikethis.You'reangryandyouarepissdrunk.Youcan

barelywalkstraight.”

“Tellmeyoustillwantme,Aria!”hescreamsinmyface.

“NotlikethisBrian,Idon'twantyoulikethis...Iaminlovewithsomeoneelse.”IfonlyIcouldtell

TylerthatIlovehim.“We’lltalktomorrowwhenyou’resober.”Atearfallsdownmycheek.Ihatethat

helookssolost,soundone.

“Youweren'tinlovewithsomeoneelsewhenyouclimbedinbedwithmetheothernight.”hesneers

inmydirection.

“Please take a cab back to your hotel, and I will make arrangements for you to meet our son and

spendsometimewithhim.”

Hetakesadeepbreathandlet’sgoofhisclenchedfist.Withoutanotherword,hewritesdownthe

nameofhishotelonthebackofmycablebillthatislyingonthekitchencounter.

Hestartstowardsthedoor;heplaceshishandontheknob.“Brian,I’msosorryIliedtoyou.Ihope

onedayyoucanunderstand.”

“Sorryyoulied!Welldoesn’tthatjustmakeyouadirtyliarthen?Lookatyoutellingmeyourdirty

truth.”helaughs.

Hequietlyshutsthedoor.TheshockfinallyhitsmethatBrianishere.HeknowsaboutJace,andthat

Ihavekepthimfrombeingafather.WhatinthehellkindofmesshaveImadeforus?Heisnevergoing

toforgiveme.Ican’tblamehim.Ideserveeverythinghethrowsatme.Ididthistohim—tous,ourson.

WhathaveIdone?

IwishFayewerestillwithme,Imisshersodamnedmuch.TherearemomentsIforgetsheisreally

gone.Ican’tbringmyselftositinherchair,butIcan’tbringmyselftopartwithiteither.Sometimes,I

thinksheisgoingtobesittingtherewaitingtolecturemeonlivingagain.

Iclutchmyheartandsinktothefloorbythedoor.TylerandBrianhateme.Brianisgoingtotake

Jacefrommeandturnhimagainstme.Ican’tlosehimtoo.JaceisallIhave.Iheartiressquealinginthe

distanceandprayharderthanIeverhave.IpraythatBrianisn’tbehindthewheel.

ChapterFourteen

Twodayshavepassed,andIhaven’tbeenabletoreachBriansincehisoutburst.It’sbeingreported

onthenewsthathe’smissing.Ican’tturnontheTV,ortheradiowithouthearingaboutit.God,Ihopehe

isokay.Idon’tthinkIcouldtakeitifsomethinghappenedtohimafterthetermswepartedon.WhydidI

lethimwalkawaysoangry?Ikeepreplayinghislastwordstomeoverandoveragain,“doesn’t that

justmakeyouadirtyliar.”Thewordliarseemstoechothroughmymindonrepeat.

IamsittingonthefloorplayingcarswithJacewhilelisteningtotheradio;helovesmusic.

Thebroadcastercutsinwithaspecialreport:

This is Chip Morgan interrupting your program with a special report. We are receiving

numerousunconfirmedreportsthatbaseballsuperstarBrianCasehasbeenfounddead.Itappears

atthistimethathehasdiedfrominjuriessustainedinautomobilecrash.

Theysaytheyaremomentsinaperson’slifewhentimeactuallystops.Itstandscompletelystilland

youcan’thearorfeelanything.Thisisthatmoment.Iblink,turningofftheradioandswitchingtoCNN

News on the TV. I see Brian’s picture plastered across the screen. They cut to a live scene showing a

wreckerpullingamangledheapofmetalfromanembankment.Irecognizethecar,becauseitisthesame

oneherentedwhilehewashereformymother’sfuneral.

“Sources will neither confirm nor deny that this car, you see here being pulled from this

embankment belongs to baseball star Brian Case.” Brian Case, his name echoes through my head a

thousandtimes.PleaseGod,no!Iruntothebathroomandemptymystomach.

Painhitsmewithsuchforce,Idon’tthinkIcansurvivethisIputapillowovermyfacetomufflemy

screams.Idon’twanttoscareJace.

Oh,Godhelpme.

Ikilledhim.

Ikilledthefatherofmychild.

Carolineisknockingonmydoor;Ihearhercallingmyname,butIcan’tanswerher.Sheeventually

letsherselfinwiththesparekey.

“Aria,itsCaroline,areyouhome?”

IweaklymakemywaybacktothelivingroomandfindherhuncheddowninthefloortalkingtoJace

abouthiscars.

ShetakesonelookatmeandcatchesmejustasIamabouttogreetthefloorwithmyface.“I,Ican’t

dothisCarol.Ican’twatch.Whataretheysaying?”

“Theyhavebeenreportingthesamethingforanhournow.Theywon’treleaseanythingconcreteuntil

theyhavetalkedtofamily.That’showtheyhandlethingslikethis.Howaboutsometea?Wantmetomake

yousometea?”

“No,Idon’twantanyfuckingtea!”Idon’tmeantosnapather.Iknowsheisonlytryingtohelp.It’s

onlybeenoneweeksinceIlostmymom.Fatecannotbethiscruel,canit?

“Thisisentirelymyfault,Ipushedhimtoofar.IkilledhimCaroline!IkilledJace’sfather!” I cry

outunabletoholdmyemotionsback.

“Hush, hush with that talk. You did no such thing, child. You didn’t do that.” She points at the

wreckageonthescreen.“I’mgoingtotakeJacetotheparkforabit,willyoubeallrightifIleaveyou

herealone?”

“Yes,”Isniffle.“Iwon’tdoanythingstupid,I’mallJacehasleft.”

Sheplacesakissonmyforehead.Ican’tbringmyselftolookatJacerightnow.Helookssomuch

likehisfather.AllittookwasonepictureforBriantoknowhewashisson.Whydidn’tIlethimsleepon

thecouch?Ishouldhaveofferedbuthewasdrunk,andIwasafraidhewouldtrytotakeJace.Hewasn’t

thinkingclearly.Everyonewillblameme,andtheyhaveeveryrightto.

Myphonechimes,it’smydaddycalling.

“Hello,”Ianswerthroughbrokensobs.

“Sis,Itakeityou’veheardthenews.”

“Yeah,butthenewshasn’tconfirmedanything.”Itrytochokebackmysobsandtalktohim.

“Ididn’twanttotellyoulikethis,butit’strue.Brian’sgone.IjusttalkedtohisAuntReba,theone

whoworksatthebank.”

Myphonehitsthefloor.Ijustwanttocurluprighthereonthisuglyyellowflooranddie.

“Aria!Aria!Answerme,damnit.”Ihearmydaddyshoutingmynamerepeatedly,butIcan’ttalkto

him.HeisgoingtoaskmewhyBrianwashere,whenhealreadyknowstheanswer.

“I,Ihavetogo.”Ihanguponhim.Hekeepscallingme,butIdon’thavethestrengthtoanswer.

WhenJaceisoldenoughtounderstand,hewillhateme.Heisnevergoingtoforgiveme.AndBrian

diedhatingme.“Hediedhatingme,”Ikeeprepeatingthewordstomyselfbuttheyaren’tsinkinginfully.

Losingmymotherwasfuckinghard,butthisisunbearable.Fayewasinpain;shewasreadytogo.But

Brian, he had his whole life ahead of him. He is supposed to be meeting his son for the first time, not

beingpulledfromaditch.HowwillIevertellJaceaboutthis?Hewillneverunderstand.Hell,Idon’t

understand.Ijustwanttohitsomethingorsomeone.Iwanttobreaksomething.

I shakily pick myself up from the floor. I start breaking anything within my reach. Dishes, mugs,

pictures,“NONEOFITMATTERS!”IcryoutwithallIhave.

Islidebackdowntothefloorsittingintheshards.Flecksofbrokenglassarediggingintomyskin,

butIcan’tfeelthepain.Idon’tknowifIeverwanttofeelanythingeveragain.Ifitweren’tformysonI’d

gointomymother’smedicinecabinetandendthishellnow.

Myphonewon’tstopchiming.“Shutthefuckup!”Islammyphonedownonthefloor.I’mnotsure

howlongIsithereinthefloorcryingandscreamingatmyself.Iwillneverbeabletomakethingsright

now.“It’snotfair,it’snotfair!”

Ifeelagentlesqueezeonmyknee.IlookuptoseeTylercrouchedinfrontofme.

“Sugar, I am going to pick you up and set you on the table. Then I am going to look at your legs,

you’rebleeding.”Standingupslowlyhecradlesmeinhisarms.Theglassiscrunchingbeneathhisfeet.

Gently,heseatsmeonthediningroomtable.

“Don’tmove.”Idoashewishes;Idon’thavetheenergytodoanythingrightnow.I’mnumb.Ialmost

feelcompletelydeadinside.

“Where’sJace?”

“Carolinehashim,”Ianswerrobotically.

“Here’swhat’sgoingtohappen.First,Iamgoingtocleanthecutsonyourlegs.Secondly,youare

cominghomewithme.Idon’twantyoutobealonerightnow.Third,IamgoingtocallCarolineandsee

ifshecankeepJaceovernight,andifshecan’tIwilltakecareofhim.”

IlookatTyler,wonderingwhatIdidtodeservehiskindness.“Whyareyouhere?”

“Because,IcareaboutyouandthereisnowhereIwouldratherbe.Lookatme,Aria.”Hefirmlycups

mychinandholdsmyred,strainedeyescaptive.“Youmattertome,andrightnow,Iwanttobeherefor

you.Letmebehererightnow,foryou.Letmetakecareofyou.Youdon'thavetobestrongallthetime.”

“Idon’tdeserveyourkindnessTyler.But,Iamselfish,sofuckingselfish!Idoneedyou,rightnow.I

don'tknowhowtodothis.I—”

“Shh...I’mnotgoinganywhere.Thingsmightbeawkwardbetweenus,butIstillloveyou.Iloveyou,

Aria,andJace.Iloveyoubothsomuchithurts.Mypridegotinmyway.Iknewyouneededtoseeif

therewassomethingwithBrian,butfuckmypride,it'shurtbad.But,Ididn'twantthis.”

Tylerjustsaidhelovesme,Iamsurehedoesn’tmeanitinthewayIwanthimtomeanit,butitis

somethingtohangontorightnow.God,doIneedhimrightnow.

Heleavesmesittingonthewordshejustspoke,returningafewminuteslaterwithantisepticand

tweezersinhishands.

He lifts the heel of my foot and brings it to rest on his shoulder. There is nothing sexual in his

movements,he’sjustsimplytakingcareofme.Hepourstheantisepticoverthetweezersandholdsthem

inthelightmakingsuretheyareclean.“Thismaystingabit.ButIneedtoremovetheshardsfromyour

legs.”Carefullyheremoveseachpieceonbyone.Alowwhimperescapesmythroat;itstingsbutitisn’t

unbearable.Ideservepainfarworsethanthis.Herepeatsthemotionsnowwithmyotherleg,quietlyand

tentatively.

ThewayheislookingatmeandtreatingmeisasifhefearsImaybreak,likeaporcelaindoll.

Tyler hands me my purse and my phone, then orders me to go wait in his car. He appears a few

minutes later holding two bags in his hands. I watch as he locks the door and sets one of the bags on

Caroline’sporch.MyheartsqueezestightinmychestseeinghimtakingthetimetolookoutforJace.

Slidingintothedriver’ssideheplacestheotherbagonthefloorboardbeneathmyfeet.

“I brought some of your things. I thought you might want some extra clothes. I left some of Jace’s

thingswithCaroline”

“Th-thankyou,”Imanagetochokethewordsout.

Heplacesareassuringhandonmykneeandgivesitasmallsqueeze.

HowcanhebesocaringandsogivingafterthewayItreatedhim?Heknowsmostofthesituation

withBrianandyet,hereheis,beingmyrock.

ChapterFifteen

Islideacrosstheseatandbringmyheadtorestonhisshoulder.Iburymyfaceinthecrookofhis

neck.Thewayhesmellsissoenticing,hesmellslikeanoceanbreezeandleather.Icouldmeltintohim

rightnowandneverresurface.Iamtryingsohardtoshutallofmyemotionsoff,butmyfeelingsforTyler

keeptryingtoclawtheirwaytothesurface.Itisn’trightformetobefeelingthisforhimrightnow.Itisn’t

fair.Idon’tdeserveanyhappiness.

Wepullintoaparkinggarage,hepullsintoaspot,andshutstheengineoff.I’mnervous.Ihave

neverbeentohisapartmentbefore.Istealalookatmyselfinthemirror,andbloodyhell,Ilooklikea

derangedlunatic.Myhairisfuzzedoutintendifferentdirectionsfromthehumidity.Therearestreaksof

mascaraandsmudgedmakeuprunningdownmyface.

TylermustthinkIbelonginanasylumbythewayIappear.MypoorJace,hewillthinkeveryoneis

goingtoleavehim.FirstFaye,nowthefatherheneverknew.Ihavegottogetittogether.IfollowTylerto

anelevatorattheotherendofthegarage.Heguidesmeinsideandpressesthebuttonforthetenthfloor.I

standwithmybacktohim.Iamsoembarrassedthathehashadtoseemethisway.

Ifeellikepurehell.Godwhydidthishavetohappen?“WhydidyoutakeBrian,”Iasksilentlyin

mythoughts.TheliesItoldwerenotsupposedtoendinthisway.“Lord,Iwassupposedtobeableto

makeamendsformywrongs.IwantedtogiveBrianandJacethelifetheydeserved.”Ipraysilentlyfor

this to be a nightmare that I will soon wake from. I’m not sure I am strong enough to face this. Faye

alwayssaidtheLorddoesn’tgiveyouanymoretocarryonyourshouldersthanyoucanlift.Myshoulders

feelprettyheavyrightnow.IfeellikeIamsinkingfast.Iamasinkingshipwithoutananchor.Ilookat

Tylerandheistryingtobemyanchor,heistryingtokeepmeafloat,butIhonestlydon'tknowifitwillbe

enough.

Theelevatordings,andIfollowTylerdownanarrowhalllinedwithblackdoorsoneitherside.

There are a few welcome mats here and there. He stops abruptly in front of a door numbered 710.

Followinghiminside,Itakeinthecharmofhisplace.Thekitchenisofftotheright.Theappliancesare

high end, stainless steel. The kitchen opens to the living room. His living room is spacious and has a

warm feel to it his furniture is tan and cream. The whole front wall of the living room is one large

windowthatlooksouttoanoceanview.

Totheleft,theapartmentstretchesdownahallwaytowhatIassumetobethebathandmastersuite.

“Justmakeyourselfathome.Youcanlayonthecouchoryoucanhavemybedifyouwant.”

“IthinkIwantashower,”Itellhim.

Hereachesmethebaghepackedformeandleadsmedownthehall.Heflipsonthelightandleaves

metomyself.Itisyourstandardguestbathroom.Ithasafairlydecentsizedshower.Thetilesareanice

cleanwhite.Theshowercurtainisasterilewhiteaswell.Ipullbackthecurtainandturnonthefaucet.

Whilethewaterheatsup,Igathermytoiletriesfrommybagandtakeatowelandwashclothfromunder

thesink.

OnceI’vestrippedofmydirtyclothes,Istepunderthewater.Ican’treallytellifthetemperatureis

toohotortoocool.However,thewaterissoothingtomywearymindevenifitstingsthecutsonmylegs.

Ikeeptryingtoscrubtheimagesfromthenewsfrommyhead.Rinsingtheshampoofrommyhair,Istep

outoftheshowerandslipintomyrobe.AssoonasIstepintothehall,IbumpstraightintoTyler’schest.

Hegripsmyarms,steadyingme.Westandthereforminutesjustlookingatoneanother.Icanfeelhisheat

radiatingthroughthesleevesofmyrobefromhistouch.

Helookslikehe’shavingabattlewithinhimself.AllIwantisforhimtotakemerightnowintohis

roomandhavehiswaywithme.Controllingmybody,mythoughts—allofme.Iwanttobeownedbythis

man. I want him to claim me. I’m tired of playing it safe. I don’t care if he says he doesn’t want a

relationship.Righthere,rightnow,IwanthimanywayIcangethim.

Takingtheinitiative,Ileanontomytiptoesandcrushmypouttohisfullsoftlips.Iamsonervous,I

amshaking.Thereisnomoredenyingthatheisverymuchapartofme.Hepullsbackfrommyswollen

lips.“Aria,”hesaysmynameinahoarsewhisper.

“NotalkingTy,rightnow,Ineedthis.Iwantthis.Iwantallofyou,anywayIcanhaveyou.Evenifit

isonlyforrightnow,Iwanttobeyours.Showmehowyoufeelaboutme.”

He lifts me up, taking me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist. With one hand, he his

holding me flush against him and with the other he is gripping my hair. Our lips meet desperately. His

kissesaresohungry.Ican’tgetenoughofhim,Ifeelfrantic.Mytonguetangleswithhis.Ican’tbreathe.

Inthisonemoment,nothingelsematters,he’smine.

My back is slammed against the wall and a picture falls. The sound of glass hitting the floor isn’t

enoughtobreakourhold.Myrobefallstothefloor,leavingmefullyexposedtohim.Herollsmynipple

betweenhisfingers.Hismouthgreedilytakesoverpleasuringmyotherbreast.Ireachmyhandsupand

inside of his shirt, my nails rake across his skin. He lets out a growl of appreciation while biting my

shoulder.Igrindmywet,slickcenteragainsthisfingerwhenhepushesitinsideofme.

“Ohyes,Tyler,don’tstop.Faster.”

“Sugar,Iamgoingtofuckyousohard,youwon’tbeabletowalkstraightforthenextweek.You’re

goingtostillbecallingmynameforweeksonend.”

Hegrabsmyassfirmlywithbothhandsandcarriesmetohisbed.Icrawltotheheadboardgiving

himaperfectview.

“Youarewearingtoomanyclothes.”Itugonthebuckleofhisbeltashesinksdownnexttome.

Withhelpfromme,heshedshisclothes.

Spreading my knees apart, he runs his hands down the length of my body, until he reaches my

throbbingpussy.Hesmacksmyglisteningmound.“IfItakeyourightnow,therewillbenoturningback

betweenus.Youunderstand?”

“Please,Tyler.ThereisnothingIwantmorethanforyoutofillyourpussywithmycock.Iwantyou

toclaimme.Iwanttoliveinyourworldwithyou.”Itakehislengthbetweenmyhandsandguidehiminto

me.

“Yourcock,”hegrowlsinmyearashepushesfurtherinme.

“That’srightTyler,yousaidthereisnogoingback.Nowthis…”Iwrapmyhandaroundthebaseof

hisdickasitisslidinginandoutofme,tellinghim,“belongstome.”

“Fuck.”Hestartshammeringintomefaster.Gettingonhisknees,heputsmylegsoverhisshoulders.

Hethrowshisheadback,asIgripthesheetstryingtoholdofffrommyorgasmalittlelonger.

“I’msoclose,”hewhispersinastrain.

“Iwantyoutofillmewithyourcome,Tyler.Iwantyoutocomeallinsideofme.”

“Rollover,”hecommandspullingoutofme,andIachewithouthiswarmthfillingme.

Helayskissesalldownmybackstoppingatmyass,hebitesmyleftcheekhard.Iarchmybackand

pushmyassup,givinghimperfectaccess.Ibuckmyhipsashisdickstakesitsclaimonme.JustasItold

himto,hefillsmewithhispassion.

Hecollapsesbesideofme,bringingmyhandtohismouth,placingatenderkissonthebackofit.

Eventually, Tyler gets up and puts on a pair of shorts, and hands me my robe. After going to the

bathroom,Imakemywayintothehalltograbthebroomfromtheclosettosweepuptheglass.

ChapterSixteen

The intensity of the day takes its claim over me as I drift to sleep in Tyler’s arms. I awake a few

hourslaterinacoldsweat.AnimageofBrian’scarkeepsplayingthroughmyhead.ThenIflashbackto

gradeschoolwhenIfirstmethim.HelookedevenmorelikeJacethen.Wewereontheplaygroundandhe

accidentallyhitmewithhisbat.Afterthatday,wewereinseparable,untilthedayIchangedthecourses

of our lives forever. I don’t even realize I am talking and mumbling, until Tyler replies to what I am

saying.

“Youreadytotalktomeabouteverything.”

“I’mreadytotry.”

Tylercradlesmecloserandkissesthetopofmyhead.Iclearmythroatandtrytofindthewords.

“Wheredoyouwantmetostart?”

“TellmeeverythingaboutyouandBrian.Iwanttohearanythingyouwanttosharewithme.”

Istartbytellinghimtheplaygroundstory.IsharewithhimhowBrianalwayswantedtoplay

baseball,andhowproudIwastoseehimplayonlivetelevisionlivinghisdreaminthediamond.Wetalk

aboutthedaythatchangedmylifeforever,thedayIlearnedIwaspregnantwithJace.AlltheemotionsI

felt,happy,excited,scared—likemylifewasending.Wetalkabouttheemailsandhowlifeseemedto

onlyhelpmyliesgrowstronger.ItellhimeverythingleadinguptothenightBrianshoweduponmydoor.

“IamsosorryIsleptwithhim.Iwasn’tthinkingstraight.IwassohurtfromwhatIthoughtyouhad

done.Iusedhimtoforgetmygrief.Iusedhimtogetbackatyou.Ifeltsotorn.Iknewitwaswrong,and

yetIdiditanyways,”Iconfess.

“Sugar,youcan’ttakeitback.ItkillsmetoknowthatyouthoughtIhurtyouanddesertedyou,when

youneededmethemost.Andashorribleasitsounds,IhateBrianforbeingtheonetocomfortyou,and

fortakingwhat’smine.But,atthesametime,IamgratefulthathegaveyouJace.I’msorrythatJacewill

neverknowhisdadandthatyouhavelostanotherpersonyoucaresomuchfor.”

“Iblamemyself.Iknewhewasdrunk,andIlethimwalkoutthedoor.Ishouldhavestoppedhim.

Iwasjustsoscaredofwhathemightdo.”MytearsreturnasIbegintospiralbackintotheblackvoidI

deservetolivein.But,Tylerishereandheisrefusingtoletmegiveuponlife,onus,onbeingJace’s

mother.

HekeepssoothingmeandreassuringmethatthereisnothingIcouldhavedonetosaveBrianfrom

himself.Whennicedoesn’twork,hecomesatme.“You’retakingthecoward’swayoutAria.Iwon’tlet

yousinkintoadepressionandhateyourself.Youareagoodperson,youhearme.”

I can’t listen to him sing my praises right now. I change the subject and ask about him. I mean I

knowTyler,butthereissomuchIdon’tknowabouthim.

Westartwithhischildhood.HegrewupintheMidwest,withhisparents,andhisolderbrother

Davie.HeattendedUCLAonafullsoccerscholarship.Hisbrother’scarefelltohimoncehisparentsfell

illthemselvesandwerenolongerabletocareforhimproperly.HehadanoffertogotoBraziltoplay

soccer,buthecouldn’twalkawayfromhisfamily.

Daviehadmusculardystrophyandherequiredaroundtheclockcarethathisfamilycouldn’tafford.

Tylerfinishedcollegewithabusinessdegreeandhethrewhimselfintoanyjobhecouldgettopayforhis

brother’scare,butnothingseemedtobeenough.HeansweredanadforajobatIndigoforabouncerand

workedhiswayupandearnedaplacewiththeMC.

Hisbrotherpassedawaylastyearfromhisillness,itwasveryhardonhim.Hetellsmehadhis

parentsnotneededhimsomuch,hemayhavenevermovedtoFloridatotakecareofthem.Theyareina

seniorlivingcommunitynotfarfromMiami,andmostofhisincomeisusedtopayfortheirneedssothat

theyaren’tputunderstatecare.

Tylerwasinloveonce,orsohethought,butoncehissweetheartfoundoutthathewouldn’tbeher

ticket out, she up and left him high and dry. She actually had the nerve to tell him that if it weren’t for

Davietheywouldstillbetogetherwhenhebumpedintoherafewyearslater.

Iamamazedthatthiswonderfulmancanfindroominhisheartforme.But,nowIseewhyweare

sodrawntooneanother.We’vebothsacrificedforthosewelove.Imakeavowtomyselftobethekind

of woman that deserves his love. Lifeistooshort. This past week is proof of that. I never could have

imaginedIwouldlosemymotherandmyfirstloveinaweek’stime.

TylerspendstherestofthenightshowingmeandtellingmehowdeservingIamofhislove.He

rollsontopofme.Lookingmedirectlyintheeyeshetellsmeoverandoveragainhelovesmebetween

kisses.DiggingmynailsinhisfirmassIpullhimclosertome.Itfeelsasifmyhungerforhimwillnever

befilled.

Thenextday,IhaveTylertakemehomesoIcangetJace.ThereissomuchIneedtotakecareof.

I call my dad and ask if he knows what the arrangements for Brian’s funeral are. He gives me the

informationreluctantly,tellingmethatitmightnotbeagoodideaformetogothefuneral.

Jace will not have this taken from him too. He has every right to be there, even if he isn’t old

enoughtounderstand.TylerisabletotaketimeawayfromIndigoandtheclubsothathecanaccompany

JaceandmehometoWestVirginiaforBrian’sfuneral.

IcallChrissyandexplaintoherthatIamgoingtoneedafewmoredaysoff,andshesaysit’snota

problem,thatJessicacancovermyshifts.SheremindsmethatifIneedanythingtocallBender.Likethat

willhappen.

ItellTylerthathedoesn’thavetogotothefuneral,butheinsiststhathewantstobethereforJace

andme.Hefeelsguiltythathewasn’tthereformewhenFayepassedaway.

Mymailstackisoutofcontrol,sortingthroughitmaytakemeayear.Thereisanoticethatthelease

on the house will be up in twenty days. The owner wants me to call him and let him know if I plan to

renewormoveout.AnotherthingIwillhavetoworryaboutaftermytripbackhometoWestVirginia.

PartofmeissoscaredtotakeJacetothefuneral.IknowBrian’smomisgoingtobesohurtand

angry with me. I need to talk to her. I have to explain what happened. I hope she can forgive me for

hurting her family and that she can accept Jace into her life. I will never get over what I have done to

Brian,however,partofhimlivesonthroughJace,andhewillalwaysremainapartofmeaswell.

Themomenthascometoboardtheplane,andIamsosick.Mybestfriendandthefatherofmyson

isgone.Hewillnowforeverrestinhisfieldofdreams.Ionlyhopethatwhenthetimecomestoreally

explaintoJaceabouthisfatherheunderstands.

Itfeelsoddtobebringingmynewmanhometomeetmydadforafuneral.

IhopemydadlikesTyler.Itfeelssostrangeandyetsorightwhenthethreeofushandoverour

boardingpasses.

Jacedoesgreatontheplane.HejusthastositwithTylerwhileIontheotherhandgetseatedbeside

anolderladywhowantstotalkmyearoffaboutorganicfruit.

Whenweland,TylerrentsaSUVattheairportforus.Wearestayingthenightatmydad’s.Icannot

waittohughisneck.IjustwishIwascominghomeunderdifferentcircumstances.

Driving through these mountain roads brings back so many memories. I feel like a ghost of my

former self driving through my hometown. Tyler is getting a little carsick from the winding roads,

thereforewepulloveratagasstation,soIcantakeoverthewheel.Jacehassleptmostoftheway.Ithink

thewindingroadshavemanagedtosoothehim,unlikeTyler.

Itistheedgeofdarkwhenwepullintomydaddy’sdriveway.

Images of Brian riding his bicycle down my lane pass through my mind briefly as I look up the

streettowhereweusedtoplayaskidsattheplayground.

“Homesweethome,”Tylersayswithasoftsmile.Iamsoanxioustoseewhatmydad’simpression

ofTylerwillbe.IknowheissoexcitedtospendsometimewithJace.Herarelygetsto.

Theporchlightflickersonasmydadholdsthefrontdooropenforus.HelooksolderthanIlast

remember,butithasbeenmorethanayearsincehelastcametoFloridaforavisit.Hishairhasthinned

andisnowfullygray.“Well,comeonin.Sis,itsureisnicetohaveyouhome.”Hegivesmeoneofhis

tightbearhugs.

“Easyoldman,you’regonnacrackarib.”

TylercomesthroughthedoorwithJaceshylyholdingontooneofhislegs.

“ComeonandgivePopsahug,”dadsays,squattingdownandholdinghisarmsopen.

“GoonJace,don’tbeshy.”IpryhimloosefromTyler.Hereluctantlygiveshimahug.

DadstickshishandouttoTyler,“Nicetomeetyouson.”

“Sir.”

“NowcallmeJim,noneofthatfancycitytalkforanoldcountryboylikeme.”helaughsandTyler

relaxes.

“Jimitisthen.”Tylershakeshandswithhim.Theygoonthroughthehousetalkingfootball,orsome

sportthatIdon’tcaretohearabout.Bythelooksofthem,theywillgetonwitheachotherjustfine.

ItakemineandJace’sbagstomyoldroomandsetTyler’sintheguestroom.Iknowbetterthanto

eventhinkofsharingaroomwithTylerundermydaddy’sroof.Beinginmyoldroomisalmostliketaking

atripbackintime.Mydaddyhasn’ttoucheditsinceImovedout.Mydancetrophiesarestillsettinginthe

samespot. I lift the corner of mymattress and my old diary is still thereas well. I pull it out and start

skimmingthepages.ItismorelikeatimelineofBrian’slifewhilewewereinhighschoolthanmyown.

It doesn’t matter which page I turn to; his name is written here. The last entry is from the night I

brokehisheart.

DearDiary,

Ican’tbelieveIwasabletogothroughwithmyplan.IbrokeBrian’sheartalongwithmyownin

theprocess.Mylifewillnotbethesamewithouthim.HeisallIhaveeverknown.Ihavelostmyone

and only love, my best friend, the other half that keeps me whole. I hope one day we can find each

otheragain.

Yourstruly,

Aria

ThetearsIcriedthatnightstillstainthepaper.Youcanstillseewheremytearsblottedtheink.I

lookoutmywindow,andIamtakenbacktothatnight.Icanhearhisscreamsashepoundsagainstmy

frontdoorbeggingmetosayI’msorry,andIdidn’tmeananyofit.Ididn’twanttomeanit.Hisbehavior

thatnightwasaperfectexampleofwhatIneverwantedforJace,ormyself,nomatterhowmuchIloved

him.

IambrokenfrommythoughtsbythesoundofJace’stinyfootstepshittingthestairsandcoming

downthehallinsearchofme.Closingmydiary,Itossittotheside,andIscoopJaceupinmyarms.I

squeezehimtightandwerejointheguysdownstairs.

ChapterSeventeen

Thetimewegettospendwithmydadisn’tnearlyenough.MydaddysendsTylerandJacetotownto

grabus all breakfast. I suspect that hewants to have a talk with me whenhe asks that I join him at the

table.Takingmyseat,Iprayhedoesn’twanttotalktomeaboutBrian.“So,youandthisTylerguy,areya

serious about him?” His eyes narrow on me over the brim of his mug as he takes a drink of his black

coffee.

“Icareforhimalot,andheisreallygoodwithJace.”

“Justbecareful,youhavebeenthroughalotinashortperiodoftime,andIwouldhatetoseeyou

rushingintosomethingwhenyou’renotthinkingstraight.”

“Yeahdaddy,Iknow.”

Hegivesmeareassuringsqueezetomyhands.“Notsayinghe’snotgoodenough,buttakeyourtime.”

“I’mtrying,”ItellhimknowingthatI’mjumpinginfeetfirstandfast.

JaceandTylerreturnshortlyafterIstartgettingdressed.

Iamstuckinaninternaldebate.DoIleaveJacehere,withmydadduringtheservice,orshouldI

takehimwithmeinattempttomakepeacewithBrian’sfamily?Timetodecideisrunningout.IsitJace

downandtalktohimaboutwhereIamgoing.

“Baby,todayisaspecialday.Doyourememberthepicturebookmommyshowedyouoftheboywho

lovedballasmuchasyoudo?”Henodshisheadlikeheispayingattentiontomywords.“Well,hehas

gonetobeanangellikeMamMam.Hewasaveryspecialfriendofmommy's.AndIwouldlikeyouto

gosaygoodbyetohimwithme.But,ifyougo,Iamgoingtoneedyoutonotbescaredandbeonyour

verybestbehavior.Doyouthinkyoucandothatformommy?”

“I’llbegood,”hepromiseswithasmile.

TylerissosweethelpingmegetJaceready.Heevenshowshimhowtoknothistie.Ievenseemy

dadtakingnoticeofhowgoodTyleriswithmyson.Hegivesmeanodofapproval.

IkissmydaddyonthecheekwhileTylerputsourbagsinthecar.SinceJaceisgoingwithus,there

isn’taneedtomakeanextratripbackbeforewegototheairport.DadshakeshandswithTyleronelast

timeandmakeshimgivehiswordthathewilltakecareofJaceandme.

They are holding the funeral inside the local civic center due to the high volume of people they

expecttoattend.Theburialisclosedtoonlyfamily.Aswewalkinside,Ifeelapanicattackcomingon.I

have to stop to catch my breath. There are thousands of fans here to show their support and celebrate

Brian’slifealongwithhisteammates,friends,andfamily.

Beingheremakesitreal,andittrulysinksinthatBrianisgone.IgrabTyler’shand.“Idon’tthinkI

candothis.”Myhandsareshakyandmykneesfeelweak.

“Youcanandyouwillsugar,forJaceandthemanyouonceloved”Tylerassuresmesupportingme

fully.Hedidn’thavetocomehereanddothiswithme,butIlovethathe’shereformeandJace.

Ilookatthebravefacemylittlemaniswearing,andIstraightenmyspineup.TodayisforBrianand

Jace.Itisn’taboutmeandmyfearormyguilt.

Theyarehavingeveryonewalkthroughinlinestoviewhiscasket.Hisfamilyhaditcustommade.I

heardmydadtalkingtoTyleraboutitwhileIwasgettingdressedthismorning.Itisteamred.Hecalledit

theCadillacofcaskets.Brian’sparentsandhisolderbrotherareseatedbesidethecasketinarow.

Itisourturntoviewhimandofferourcondolencestothefamily.TylerisbehindmeholdingJace.

IlookdownatBrianlyingtheremotionlessinhisuniform,andIcan’tbearthepainasitcoursesthrough

myveins.Ittakesholdofmeandbringsmetomyknees.Thenallhellbreaksloose.Mrs.Caselockseyes

withme.Shestandsfromherseat.Ithinkshe’scomingtocomfortmebutsheraisesahandtosmackme.

“Youbitch!”Shescreamsatme.Rightwhenherhandshouldconnectwithmyfaceshesuddenlystops.

HergazeisnowtransfixedonJace.ShewalkspastmetoTyler.

“Helooksjustlikehisdaddy.Oh,God,it’strue,”shecries.

The different outbursts taking place around him causes Jace to be scared and he starts to cry and

shake.

“I’msosorry,”Ichokeouttoher.ShetakesmeinherarmsandsaysthelastthingIexpecttohear

fromhermouth.“Thankyouforgivingmeapieceofmyboytoholdonto.”

ShewalksbackovertoTyler,“CanIholdhim,please.”

Wemoveofftothesidetoallowthelinetocontinuemoving.Jacewon’tletgoofTyler.Beverly

seemsputoffbyit,butheisasmallchild,andthewayssheisactingscareshim.Hedoesn’tknowheror

what’sgoingonaroundhim.Ishouldn’thavebroughthim,butIneverwanthimtoresentmeanymorethan

hewillalreadywhenheisoldenoughtoprocessallofthis.

“Brian called me from his flight, and told me he was on his way to see his son. I thought he had

knockeduparandomgirl,andthenIfindoutthatyouweretheone.ThenextthingIknewIcouldn’treach

himtofindouthowthingsweregoing.ThenIgetthecallthattheyfoundhiscar.Aria,whydidyoukeep

hissonfromus?”

“ThereisnothingthatIcaneversaytojustifymychoices.IcanonlyhopetohaveyouinJace’slife.

Andthatyoucanhelpmetotellhimallabouthisdad,andwhatawonderfulmanhewas,”Ianswerthe

bestIcanwithoutupsettingherfurther.

I give her my phone number and tell her she can see Jace any time she likes. We don’t go to the

cemeterywiththefamily,todayhasbeenhardenoughonallofus.WetakeJacetoanearbyrestaurantfor

anearlydinnerbeforewehavetocatchourflight.Ican’tbelieveIwasabletogetthroughthisday.

IspendthenextfewdaystryingtosettleJacebackintohisroutineofdaycare.Wecouldusesome

normalcyafterthepasttwoweeks.Ihavereturnedtoworkitishelpingtokeepmymindbusy,butthere

aremomentswhenIamdrivinginmycarandasongwillremindmeofFayeorBrian.TylerwantsJace

andmetomoveinwithhim,butIamafraidoftoomuchtoosoon.Heisusedtolivingonhisown,and

Jacecanbeahandfulattimes.

HesaysheissureandheisreadytogiveJacethefamilyIhavealwayswantedforhim.Weare

drivinguptoseehisparentsnextweekend.Theycan’twaittomeetJace.Iamsoscaredofwhatcould

happennext.I’mnotasuperstitiousperson,butFayealwayssaiddeathscomeinthrees.Everynight,I

wakeupfromthesamenightmare.Brian’sbodyisbeingpulledfromthewreckage,andthenIambackat

thefuneralhomelookingdownathisbody,hiswoundsareopenandheislookingatme.Heopenshis

mouth like he is about to scream and before any sound comes from his mouth, I wake up clutching my

chest.

CarolinethinksIneedtoseeashrinktoworkthroughthenightmares,butIfeellikeBrianisangry

withmeandtryingtotellmeto“getfucked.”IhavefifteendaysbeforeIhavetomakeadecisionabout

ourlivingarrangements.Idon’tknowifIwanttogivethishouseup,withthemoneyIammakingfrom

workingtwojobs,IthinkIcanaffordtherent.

Carolinehasfoundsomeonetodoanestatesalefortheantiquefurnitureandotheroddsandends

thatIwon’tbekeepingofmymother’s.Theyarecominglatertodaytopicktheitemsup.Tyleriscoming

over to oversee the process since I have a late spray tan to do at the salon. He is also keeping Jace

tonightwhileIworkattheclub.Heistryingtoprovetomethatheisreadyfortheresponsibility.

IfinishmarkingtheitemsforthesalesoallthatTylerhastodoiswatchthemloadthemintotheir

trucks.

Thefurnitureisnice,butitjustisn’tmystyleandhavingmymother’sthingsstaringatmeevery

dayisjustanotherofthemanyremindersthatsheisn’tevergoingtowalkthroughthedoorsofthishouse

again. I wish she were here to give me advice on my relationship with Tyler, even if she wasn’t the

greatestatgivingit.Itookmytimewithherforgranted.AnotherregretIwillcarrywithmetherestof

mylife.

ChapterEighteen

IaminthemiddleofmyshiftattheclubwhenIgetatextfromTyler.

Tyler:youneedtocomehomeASAP.

Me:Please,justtellme.Ican’ttakeanymorebadnews.

Tyler:Justcomehomeanddrivesafe,it’snotlifethreateningbutyouneedtocomehome.

Idon’tevenbotherchangingoutofmycostume.Tylerhasmereallyfreakedoutrightnow.Pulling

up on my street I see that there is an unfamiliar black car in my driveway. I grab my purse and walk

throughthedoortofindTylerlockedinanintensestaredownwithBrian’smother.

“Mrs.Case,whatbringsyoubyunannounced.”

“You said I could see Jace anytime I like and this man was refusing me, telling me I can't see my

grandson.”IgiveTyleralooktellinghimhebetterexplain.

“I didn’t know who she was at first and the circumstances I met her under were intense. I didn’t

recognizeherwhenIopenedthedoor.Andwell,Iwasn’tsurewhatyouwouldwantmetodo.Butthen

she started yelling and threatening to call the police. She was muttering, saying something about

grandparent’srights,”hetellsmeremainingcalm.

“WhatareyouwearingAria?Areyousomekindofhooker?”Sheeyesmyclotheswithdisgust.

“It’sformyjob.Whyareyouhere?”

“I came to see about my grandson and it is a good thing I did. Obviously, you aren’t capable of

providing him with proper care.” She picks lint off her pants and flicks it at my floor. Her attitude is

pissingmeoff.

“ItoldyouthatyoucouldseeJaceanytimeyouwantto,butIassumedthatyouwouldcalltomake

planstodosobeforejustshowingup.”Myhandsarerestingonmyhipsandmyfootistapping.“Tyler,

whereisJace?”

“ItookhimovertoCarol’s,thewaythisladyisactingwasscaringhim.Hedidn’twantanythingto

dowithher.Iwasn’tgoingtoforcehimtohugherandhewasupset.”

“That’sanotherthingAria.DoyoujustleaveJacewithstrangersatanygiventime?”

“Holdononeminute.YoumaybeJace’sgrandmother,butIwon’tallowyoutocomeintomyhome

andjudgeme,whenyouclearlyknownothingaboutmylife,andhowIraisemyson.”

“Oh sweetheart, I have seen enough. You can bet your sweet ass you will be hearing from my

lawyer.Nograndsonofminewillberaisedbyastripperandherpimp.”Sheturnshernosedownatme.

“Excuseme.”IseetheveinpoppingoutinTyler’sneckindicatingheisabouttogothefuckoffon

thisoldbitch.IfIweren’traisedbetter,Iwouldlethimgiveherapieceofhismind.ButIwas,soIhold

myhanduptohimtosignalIgotthis.

“Whateveryouthinkyouknowiswrong.I’madamngoodmom.Callyourlawyer.Idon’tcare.I

amJace’slegalguardian.I’mhismother,nothingyousayordowilleverchangethat.”

“AsimpleDNAtestandacourtevaluationwillproveotherwise.Anddon’tthinkforoneminute

you will be getting any of Brian’s money. He didn’t have any when he died. He was drowning in debt

fromhisdivorcefromthatwhorehemarried,”shesneers.

“Ineverwantedanythingfromyourfamily.IfIhad,don’tyouthinkIwouldhavecontactedBrian

fromdayoneforchildsupport?I’mnotgoingtodefendmyselfandarguewithyou.Youclearlyhaveno

intentionoflistening.Iwouldlikeyoutoleavenow.”Ipointtowardthedoor.

Mrs.Caseleaveswithoutcontest.Ican’tbemadatTyler;hewasactinginJace’sbestinterest.

But,whatifsheisserious?Theirfamilyhasmoneyandmoneytalks.Ilovemyjobattheclub,butmaybeI

should just quit. Then there is Tyler being in the motorcycle club. Beverly could use that against me in

courtifshefindsout.

If she is serious about having me investigated, how will the court see my profession. “Tyler, I am

goingtoquittheclub.Ihaveto.”Iflopdownonthecouchnexttohim.

“Don’tletherscareyou,Aria.Sheisupsetandherthreatsareempty.But,evenifsheisserious,you

haveme.I’llhelpyou.Whateverthecost,Iwillpayanattorney.SheisinmourningandsheseesJaceasa

waytoreplacewhatshehaslost.Allitwouldtakeisonecall,andIcouldgetridofherforgood.Justsay

theword.”

Hecan’tbeserious.Ishakemyheadpretendinghedidn’tjustoffertogetridofJace’sgrandma.

“No,Ican’tdragyouintothis.Ihavetodothis.IhavetoproveIamgoodmom,andIamgoingto

actlikeone.TheMCisanotherthing.Idon’twanttolieaboutyourlife.Imeanlookwhereallofmylies

havegottenme.”

Hiseyesfindmine.“Theybroughtyoutome.”

“Tyler,Ididn’tmean…”Heinterruptsmewithakiss.

“Moveinwithme,youandJace.Letmetakecareofyouguys.ItwillshowthecourtsthatJacehasa

stablelifeandatwo-parentfamily.”

Hegoestokissmeagain,andIstophimasmuchasitpainsmetodoso.

“Ican’tTyler.Iappreciatewhatyouaretryingtodo.Really,Ido,butifandwhenwetakethatstep.I

wanttoknowthatitistherightthingforallofus,andnotbecausewefeelpressured,orbecauseyouhave

someherocomplexthatyoufeeltheneedtotakecareofeveryone.”Thehurtexpressionthatformsacross

his face looks as if I just smacked him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” I attempt to

backpedal,butthedamageisdone.

“Actually,Ithinkyoudid.But,Iknowyou’reupset,andyou’rescaredrightnow.IloveyouAria.I’ll

callyoutomorrow.Andkeepthecostume.Ithinkwecouldhavesomefunwithit,”heteasesashegoesto

thedoor.

“Areweokay?Pleasedon’twalkoutthatdoorupsetwithme.”Ahardlumpformsinmythroat.Ifhe

leavesonbadtermsandsomethinghappenstohimIwon’tbeabletotakeit.Ican’thelpbutremember

whatFayesaidaboutdeathcominginthrees.

Tylerstopsatthedoor.Helooksbackatmeandwinks.“Youcanmakeituptomebywearingthat

costumeformetomorrownight.”Ilaughandhesays,“There’sthatsmileIfellinlovewiththedayIfirst

laideyesonyou.I’llseeyoutomorrow,sugar.”

I hurriedly change my clothes and walk next door to get Jace from Caroline. She wants details

aboutwhatwashappeningoveratmyplace,butIjustdon’thaveitinmetotalkaboutitrightnow.My

headispounding;Ifeelmentallyexhausted.AllIwanttodoistakemyboyhomeandsnuggleupwithhim

inaprotectivebubble,wherenoonecanbotherus.

Thesunhasrisen,andIhavebarelyhadanysleepatall.EverytimeIwouldtryandclosemyeyesI

wouldseeBrian’sangrymotherthreateningtotakeJace.Ican’taffordtoquitIndigorightnowasmuchas

Ineedto.WiththepossibilityofMrs.Case’sthreats,Ineedtofindasecondjobfast.

IhavethreespraytanstodayandhopethatIamabletosecuresomenewclients.Imaketendollarsa

headeachnewcustomer,itcanaddupsomedaysontopofthesalarypayImake.

IcheckinwithChrissytoseeifshehasthescheduleforthenextmonthready.Iamgoingtohaveto

stepupmygameandrecruitnewcustomers.

“Isthescheduleokay,Icantrytomoveyourshiftsaroundifyouneedmeto?Iknowyou’vehadafull

platelately.Youknowmydadwillhelpyou,Aria.Ifyouneedanythingjustsaytheword.”

“Thanksabunch,Ireallyappreciateit.WitheverythingthathasbeengoingonIcanusekeepingmy

mindasbusyaspossible.Ijustreallyneedextrashifts,”Itellher.IguessIammorelikemymotherthanI

thought…Idon’twantBender’smoneyeither.Ican’texpecteveryoneelsetojumpinandcleanupamess

ofmyownmaking.TakingcareofJaceismyresponsibility.

“Howarethingswithyou?IhearyouandTylerfinallyrealizedyoutwomakeagreatcouple.”She

grinsatmeandwinks.“IhearsomegirlsattheclubhouseandIndigoarehatingyourightnow.Hetold

thisonechicktogetlostwhenshetriedtosuckhisdick.Itwassofunny.Youshouldaseenthelookonher

facewhenheshovedheraway.Shelandedflatonherass.”

“Yeah,heisawonderfulman,butIstillwanttotakethingsslow.”Itrynottoletherwordsgettome.

Atleastshesaidthatheturnedherdown.Istilldon’tknowmuchabouthisclublifeandfromthesoundof

things, I don’t think I want to. I want to be able to trust Tyler, to believe in him and have faith that he

won’thurtme.

Myshiftdragsby,andI’mnotabletobringinanynewcustomers.Ihopethisisn’tanindicationof

thingstocome.

ChapterNineteen

Iaminatailspintryingtogetreadyforworkattheclub,andJacedidn’tgetanaptodayatdaycare

so he is being unruly. “Jace, baby, go get mommy your shoes, Caroline wants to take you to feed the

ducks.”

“No,Idon’twantto,”hecriesholdingontomyleg.

“PleaseJace,wehavetogo.”IamwalkingoutthedooratthispointwithJaceonmyleg,mykeysin

mymouthandhisshoesundermyarmpit.Iamgoingtobelate,andIamsotired.

“Letgoofmommy’sleg,weneedtogetyourshoeson.”ImanagetolockthedoorandsetJaceonthe

steps.AsIamgettinghisshoesstrapped,Isensesomeoneapproaching,theirshadowwashesoverme.

“Ma’am,IamlookingforanAriaStuart.Canyoutellmeifthisisheraddress?”

Iturnaroundtoamiddle-agedladynowhoveringoverJaceandme.

“I’mAria,youare?”

“HiAria,IamSelmaHackworth.IamfromCPS.Iwouldliketocomeinandhaveawellchildvisit

withyoursonandyourself.”Gulp.Idon’thavetimeforthisrightnow.

“Thisreallyisn’tagreattime,Iamactuallyheadedtoworkrightnow.Iamrunningbehindalready.”

“JustafewminutesofyourtimeisallthatIneed.”Herrestingbitchfacetellsmenottoarguewith

her.

Igiveupsheclearlydoesn’tcareaboutmytime.“Sure,letmeunlockthedoor.”

ShefollowsJaceandmeinside.“MindifIwalkthroughthehouse?”

“No,butisitreallynecessary?”Icalloutasshegoesdownthehall.

Notansweringme,shedoesaquicklookineveryroom,beforeaskingherquestions.“Isitjustyou

andJacelivinghere?”

“Yes,mymotherwaslivingwithusbutsherecentlypassedaway.”

“Isee,sorryforyourloss.”ShetakesaseatbyJaceonthecouch.

“I’msorry,butwhat’sthisallabout?”Isaywithahintofsarcasm.Iknowexactlywhysheishere.

Brian’smotherismakinggoodwithherthreats.

“Whereisitthatyouwork?”

“Iuh,workatanearbytanningsalon.Igivespraytans.”

“I see. Is that your only source of income? I think it was mentioned that you are a stripper?” She

raisesaneyebrowandwhispersthewordstripperlikeit’sdirty.

“No,Iwasdancingataburlesqueclub,butIrecentlyquit,”Ilie.

“DoyouleaveJaceinthecareofothersoften?”Shepullsanotepadfromherbagandbeginsmaking

notes.

“No,hegoestodaycarewhenIhavetoworkmornings.AndmyneighborkeepshimuntilIgethome

atnight.”

“DoyouhaveaboyfriendMissStuart?”

“Yes,sortof.It’scomplicated,”Itellherhopingshedoesn’taskforTyler’snameorinformation.

“Doeshespendalotoftimewithyourson?”

“Idon’tunderstandwhatmypersonallifehastodowiththisvisit?”Iattempttosteerherawayfrom

Tyler.Idon’twantthemknowinghe’sinaMC.

“JustcrossingmyT’sanddottingmyI’s.”Shestandstoleave.“Okay,everythingseemstobeinorder

here.Thankyouforyourtime.IfIneedanythingelse,I’llbeintouch.”

Bythetimeshegetsinhercartoleave,Iamsweatingbullets.Mywordthatwasintense.Myphone

ischimingwithatextfromTyleraskingwhyIamsolate.

Me:Notcomingin.Iamfinishedworkingthere.CPSwasjusthere!IliedandtoldthemIamno

longerworkingforyou.

Tyler:Youdon’thavetoquityourjob.Theyhadtodoacheckiftherewasenoughofasqueeze

putontothem,butyou’reagoodmom.Iamsuretheyrecognizedthat.

Me:Yeah,butIthinkIdo.

Tyler:Ifyou’resureIwilltakeyouofftheschedule.CanIcomeovertonight?Youstilloweme

aprivatedance.;)

Me:Idon’tknow,thereissomuchgoingonrightnow.Ineedtogetmylifeinorder.Iamso

scared,whatiftheytakeJacefromme?

Tyler:Youhavenothingtoworryabout.Itoldyou,letmehandleit.Letmecallmylawyer.

Me:Thisisn’tyourproblemtosolve,it’smine.Imadethismess.Ihavetofixit.Ihopeyoucan

respectthat.

Tyler:Doesthismeannosexytime?

Me:Sexytime,isthatwhatit’scallednow?

Tyler:AnytimeIspendwithyouissexytimesugar.So,willIseeyoutonight?

Me:Maybe;)

Tyler:AriaI’mdyinghere.

TheworddyingimmediatelymakesmethinkofBrian.Ilosetrackoftimegettinglostinmythoughts

ofBrian.Myphonechimingsnapsmeoutofmydaze.

Tyler:Shit!Ididn’tmeantobringupdeath.

Me:Iknow!Don’tdie,Iprefermymenbreathing.Butnottonight,Ithinkweneedtocoolit

forafewdays,untilIknowwhatisgoingtocomeofthisinvestigation.Ican’tletmywantingtobe

selfishcostmeJace.

Tyler:YoucanhavealifeAria.Don’tletthatoldbagscareyououtofbeinghappy.

Me:PleasetrytounderstandTyler.I’mnotsayingnotous.Justgivemetimetogetthismess

linedout.

Tyler:Youknowhowtofindmeifyouneedme.IloveyouAria.

TruthisTyler’swordsdoaffectme.IfeelguiltythatIamherelivingandbreathing,andraisingour

son;mineandBrian’s.Itisn’tfair.Ididn’tmeanforanyofthistohappen.WhatdidIeverdotodeservea

manlikeTyler?AndnowthisshitwithMrs.Casebeingouttogetme,Idon’tknowwhatIwilldoifshe

succeedsintakingJaceawayfromme.Heismywholeworld,theairthatIbreathe,andthebeatingofmy

heart.Everythinghasbeenforhim.Ican’tlosemyonereasontoholdontohope.IloveTylertoo,butI

willgivehimupifIhaveto.HowwillthecourtsseemedatingthepartownerofIndigoandamemberof

amotorcycleclub?

Itrytogetsomesleep;looksliketomorrowIwillhavetogetseriousaboutfindinganewjob.

Ugh!Therearen’tanyjobsthatmeetmyneeds.Iflingthenewspaperinfrustration.

“Thatnotnicemommy,pickitup.”

“Iknowlittleman;mommyisjustfrustrated.”

IreceivedacertifiedletterrequestingIbringJaceinforapaternitytestonbehalfofthestateof

FloridaandMrs.BeverlyCase.Myword,sheisrelentless!Willshestopatnothing?Iwanttocallher

and try to work something out to make her see that I am a good mom, but my attorney has advised me

againstit.Ijustlefthisoffice,andamthankfulhehastakenmycase.HehassaidthatIneedtojustfollow

standardprocedureandgotoallthecourtdates.ThereisnosignforconcernfromCPS’sinvestigation,

however,thatdoesn’tmeanitwillbeoveranytimesoon.

BeverlyCasehasbeenknownnottostopuntilshegetswhatshewants,butthistimeIhopesheis

preparedtolose.

Afewdayshavepassed,andIamnoclosertofindingajob.TheDNAresultsareinandit’sno

surpriseJacesharesDNAwiththatwoman.Idon’tknowwhatkindofmoneysheisthrowingatthiscase,

butshe’sgettingthingsmovingfast.

Wehaveacourthearingtomorrow;Beverlymusthaveboughtherwayintothedockettogether

caseheardthisquickly.Tylerhasbackedoffandstoppedtryingtoplayhero.Iknowhemeanswelland

justwantstohelp,butIhavetomakesureIprotectJace’sbestinterest.NotthatTylerwouldeverhurt

Jace or anything like that. I just want to make it through this upcoming hearing. I did however promise

Tyler that Jace and I would go with him to visit his parents this weekend. Let’s hope I get to keep the

promise.

It’sthemorningofthehearing;Iamsonervous.Mystomachistwistedintoknots.Myheartisabout

tojumpoutofmychestandrunaway.Imeetmyattorneyinfrontofthecourthouseandhegivesmealittle

peptalktoensuremethatIhavenothingtoworryabout.

“Listen, you have nothing on your record. Your son has good health, there has never been any

complaintsfromhisdaycare.CPScheckedyououtandyoupassed.Theworstthatcanhappenisthekid

willspendsomeofhissummersinWestVirginia.”Hisreassurancedoescalmmynervessome.

Heescortsmeinsideandwehaveaseatwhilewewaitforourcasetobecalled.Glancingaround

theroomIdon’tseeanysignofMrs.Case.CouldIbesoluckyforhertobeanoshow?Ihighlydoubtit.

Afteralonghourhaspassed,ourcaseisfinallycalled.

WemakeourwaytothefrontandafewminutespasswithoutawordfromMrs.Case.Mygloating

thoughtsareextinguishedwhentheclickingofheelsquicklyapproachingtheothersideoftheroomalerts

metoherpresence.Thejudgedoesnotappeartobehappywithhertardiness.

“Apologiesyour honor,” herattorney speaks tothe judge. “Mrs. Caseis not fromthe area and had

difficultiesfindingthecorrectroom.”

“Counselor that is not my problem. Please advise your client that in the future she will respect the

stateofMiami’stime.”

“Yes,yourhonor.”

“We are here today in regards to a juvenile the age of four, the defendant’s son. Now give me a

moment to look over the file.” He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and begins flipping the

pages.

“Allright,CPShasmadeahomevisitanddidnotseethatthesaidchildisunderanythreatorrisk.

ThereportstatesthechildseemstobeproperlycaredforbythedefendantMs.Stuart.Iseenoreasonto

drag this on further. The child has been proven to be the child of the deceased, a Mr. Brian Case. The

childshallremaininsolecustodyofhismother.However,visitationrightsaregrantedtothegrandmother,

Mrs.BeverlyCase,butatthediscretionofthemother.Andoncethechildisofageforschool,thevisits

mustworkaroundthechild’sschedule.”

“YourhonorifImayapproach,”herattorneyeagerlymakestherequest.

“Counseloryoumayapproachthebench.”

“Your honor, my client feels strongly that the defendant will not stop at any length to keep her

grandson away from her. She denied the deceased of any rights or acknowledgement that he was the

father.Sheshouldbefacingwrongfuldeathcharges.”

“Counselor, we are not here to pass false judgments or accuse the defendant of any crime. There

aren’tanychargesbeingpursuedandyouwillrefrainfrommakingthesecomments.Thematterofcustody

hasbeenentered,Mrs.Stuartwillcontactyouthroughherlawyertoestablishvisitation.”Hebangshis

gaveldown.“Courtisadjourned.”

ThankGod.Icanbreatheagain.IfeellikedancingnakedinthestreetsIamsodamnhappy.

ChapterTwenty

Ishakehandswithmyattorneyandagreetocontacthisofficesoonsothatwecanestablishvisitation

throughamediatornextweek.IcanfeelthepiercingdaggeredlookIamgettingfromMrs.Casethrough

myback.Idon’tturnaroundandgiveherthesatisfactionofknowingitbothersmetoknowthatatsome

pointIwillallowhertospendtimewithJace.Timethatshecanspendtryingtoturnhimagainstme.The

thoughtscaresme,butIwillhavetoworryaboutitwhenthetimecomes.Icannotwaittogogetmyboy

andspendthedaywithhim.

AfterpickingupJace,ItrytocallTylertogivehimmygoodnews,butIcan’treachhim.Iwas

hoping he would want to have a celebratory dinner with us. I take Jace out to one of those kiddy pizza

playlands.HeloveswhenIholdhimupandlethimplaybasketball.Ithinkthiskidlovesanysportwitha

ball.

IfinallyhearbackfromTyler.

Tyler:Sorry,Ihavebeeninameetingallday.Ritchie,afriendoftheclubhasflowninfrom

Nashville.Thenextweekisgoingtobecrazybusy.Ineedaraincheckondinner.Probablybestif

wewaitbeforeheadingtomyfolksuntilnextweekendtoo.Iwilltalktoyousoon.

That’sit,no“heysugar”,andhedidn’tevenbotheraskinghowthehearingwent.Jerk. Okay he

isn’tajerkreally,butIwanttosharemygoodnewswithhim.Iguesshimbeingbusycouldbeagood

thing.Itgivesmemoretimetofocusonfindingajob.

TheweekendpasseswithoutanycontactfromTyler.Ihavekindagrownaccustomedtohissugar

texts and find that two days without him seems like a week has passed. My mediation meeting with

Beverly is in a few days. I am not looking forward to it. I was hoping she could see past her hurt and

dislikeofmeforJace’ssake.Iwanthertobeabletosharethingswithhimabouthisfather.Itmaynot

appeartosomethatIlovedBrianthewaythatIhaveclaimedto,butIreallydid.IwishIcouldhavebeen

better,strongereven,tohelphimwithhisdrinking.IfIhadn’tbeenacowardandtoldBrianthetruth,he

maystillbeheresharinginJace’slifewithme.Wemayevenbemarriedrightnow.

Iwalkintomymother’sroomandsitonherbed.Icanjusthearhernow.She’dbetellingmetostop

ponderingonthingsIcan’tchange.Shewouldsaytome,“Aria,stophangingontowishesonstarsabout

whatifs.”MaybeIquestionanddoubtthingswithTylertoomuch.MaybeFayewasrightwhenshesaid

lifehasawayofchoosingforyou.What if all my choices up until now have all been pointing me to

Tyler?

Huggingherpillowstomychest,IknowwhatIwantandwhatIneed.IwantTyler,andIneedto

stopbeingsoscaredandtellhimhowIfeel.HereallywillbeagreatdadtoJace,andnevermindthefact

thatJacethinksTylerhungthemoon.ItakeadeepbreathandtextTyler.

Me:Canwetalk?

Tyler:IcanstopbywhenIgetoffworkbutitmightbeprettylate.

Me:That’sgoodactually.Seeyoutonight.

Tyler:Ican’twaittosmackthatass!

Me:What?

Tyler:Beready,Ihavebeenthinkingaboutyouinnothingbutheelsandamaskallday.

TakingextracaretomakesureIamneatandtrimforhim,Igetoutthehotwax.IhopeIamready

beforehearrives.Howembarrassingwoulditbetobewalkedinonwhilewaxingyourvaginawhenyour

boyfriendcomesoverexpectingyousexyandready!Thethoughtmakesmegiggle.Iturndownallofthe

lightsandlightallofthecandlesIhavesetoutthroughthehouse.

IwaitandIwait,andyetTylerdoesn’tshow;heshouldhavebeenhereanhourago.I’mnota

possessiveorclingygirlfriend.Iwouldjustliketoknowheisrunningbehind.AcourtesytextisallIam

after, but I haven’t heard a peep since I messaged him over half an hour ago. Changing out of my sexy

negligee,Iamonthevergeoftearswhenhefinallydecidestoshowhisface.

“Iamsosorry,afightbrokeoutbetweenafewofthegirls,itwashectic.”Iraiseabrowathimlike

thismatters,tome,because.“IhavegreatnewsthatIcan’twaittosharewithyou.”

“Oh,what’sthat?”

“YouarenowlookingatthenewfullownerofIndigo.”Hesmiles.“Ican’tgetintotoomanydetails.

Youknowclubbusinessandall,butIndigowasbecomingmoreofaheadachethanSchorchwanted.So,I

boughthimout,andI’mleavingtheclub.Itisn’talifeIwantforyouandJace.Iwanttodorightbyyou,

Aria. You and Jace,” he tells me, taking me completely by surprise. I had no idea he was thinking of

leavingtheMC.

“Seriously?I’msohappyrightnow.”

“When Brian’s mom started that shit with court it got me thinking, and I didn’t want my lifestyle

comingbetweenus.Figuredwecancelebratenowthatit’sofficial.”Heflashesmeasexy,allknowing,

devilish grin. A grin that says, “you know I am about to fuck you until you’re right on the edge, and

bringyoubackfromitoverandoveragain.”

Iamsoreadytofinallyclaimhisheartandgivehimallofme.Iamsoreadyforhimtoownme,all

ofme,body,mind,andsoul.

Hedrawsmeintohim,grazingmylipwithhisteeth,lickingtheoutlineofmypout.Hegrowlsinto

mypartedmouth,“Ihavebeencravingthetasteofyou.”Pullingmybottomlipintohismouthhenibbles

mylipandsucksonit,caressingmytonguewithhis.“Iwantyoutodosomethingforme.”

“Nameit.”I’mreadytodoanythingtobewithhim.

“Take off your clothes and lie on your stomach across the table.” I do as he asks and giggle with

anticipation.Thetopofthecherrywoodtableiscold,makingmynippleshard.Ifoldmyhandsundermy

headandwait.Ihearacrunchingsoundandtrytolocatethesourceofthesound.

“Uh, uh, lie back down,” he mumbles. He sweeps my hair from my back, causing it to blanket my

face.Iamsurprisedwhenthesweetcaressofwinter’stongueslowlytrailsdownmyspine.

Ihaveneverbeenafanofthecold,butrightnowIwanttofeelwinter’skissbetweenmythighs.

Theiceinhismouthhashistonguesocolditburnsmyskin.Andifthisiswhatitfeelsliketoburnaslow

andagonizingdeath,Iamreadytoburnalive.Ipeepthroughmyhairandthecandlelightilluminatesthe

shadowofusonthewall.Imustsayitissodamnedromanticanderotic.

IturnoverandTylerpullsmetotheedgeofthetable.Mybuttcheeksarehangingoverthetable’s

edge. He goes down on his knees and orders me to place my legs over his shoulders. Taking a small

singlecubeoficebetweenhisfingershesucksonituntilitstartstomeltandplacesitinsidemyaching

sex.Iwrapmylegsaroundthebackofhisheadashebendshisheaddowntolickthecube.Wordscan’t

evenbegintodescribethesensationsmybodyisfeelingrightnow.Notonecoherentthoughtcomesto

mind.IfeellikeIhavebrainfreeze.Therestofmybodyishotandtremblingashecontinuestotorturemy

clitwiththeflickingofhistongue.

He rises up to my chest and takes a nipple into his mouth. His cool mouth extinguishes the fire

raging across my skin. I reach down and find the button on his pants and wrestle one handed with his

zipper.

“Doyouknowhowmuchyoumeantome,Aria?Iloveyousomuch.It’sallIcandonottopackyour

bagsandthrowyouovermyshoulderandtakeyouhomewithme.”

“Youcanthrowmeoveryourshoulderifyouwantto,butIwillgowillingly.“

“Isthatayes?”

“Yes,Iwillmoveinwithyou,butrightnowIwantyoutofuckmeTyler.”

Hedropshispantsandpushesinsideofme.Iliebackonthetableandrelinquishallcontrol.

Ican’tbelieveIamgoingtomoveinwithTyler,butitfeelsright.Iknowheisstrongenoughtobe

myman.Hehasprovenhimselftomerepeatedly.Idon’tknowhowIeverdoubteditbefore.

Hemakeslovetome,andIfeelmoreconnectedtohimthanIeverthoughtpossible.He’stoogoodto

betrue,buthe’smine.Allmine.

Thenextday,IsitdownwithJacetotalktohimaboutuslivingwithTyler.

“Jace, come sit with mommy.” He climbs into my lap, and I brush his curls from his face. “How

wouldyoufeelifyouandmewenttolivewithTyler?Wouldyoulikethat?”

“O’tayMa.WecanlivewithTy.”

IguessthatisasgoodofaresponseasIamgoingtogetfromhim.

“Youwanttohelpmommyboxupyourthings?”

Henodseagerlyandispracticallyracingtohisroomasheshoutsaboutbringinghiscars.

Itakemymom’sframedphotoofthethreeofusinmyhands,huggingittomychest.Ihopesheknows

thatI’mfinallygettingmyhappilyeverafter.

ChapterTwenty-One

Becausemyleasewasup,IhadtomoveinwithTylerfairlyfast.Hedidn’ttakenoforananswer

whenItriedturningdownhisoffertohireprofessionalmovers.

NowthatJaceandIarelivingwithTyler,Idon’thavetoworryaboutfindingasecondjobtocover

rent.Itwilltakesomeadjustingforthethreeofustolivetogether.Ithinkitwillbemoreofanadjustment

forTylerthanus.Jaceisyoungenoughthatitwillbeaneasytransitionforhim.However,Tylerisusedto

livingonhisown.

Thefirstweekishectic,ourboxesarestackedthroughouttheapartment,butiftheclutterbothers

Tyler,hehasn’tcomplained.IhavemymeetingwithBeverlyinmediationtomorrow;she’srescheduled

twice.Ijusthopewecanworkoutaschedulewecanbothagreeon.Sheisadifficultwoman.Tylerhas

offered to go with me for support, but I told him his being present might set her off. So instead, he has

agreedtospendsomequalitytimewithJace.HeistakinghimtoSeaWorld.Itwarmsmyheartthatheis

steppingrightupandmakinganeffortwithJace.Notlikehehasn’tbeengoodwithhimbefore,butIcan

seethatheistryingtoreallystepupandbeagooddadtohim.

Tylerisn’tworkingattheclubtonightandhehasJacecurledupinhislapwatchingoneofhisold

tapesfromhisglorydaysfromwhenheplayedsoccerincollege,whileIunpackmoreofourstuff.

ItakeoutthenightlightCarolinegaveJaceafewdaysago,hewasnervousaboutsleepinginanew

room.Shetoldhimthelightwouldmakehimfeelmorecomfortable.

IamgoingtomisslivingnextdoortoCaroline,butIwillstillseeher.Shehasmademeagreeto

do a weekly dinner with her. Tyler is going to keep Jace when he isn’t working, and I need the help.

Besides,nowthatInolongerworkattheclubthereisn’taneedforhertowatchhimallthetime.Though

ImaycallhersoTylerandIcanhaveadatenighteverynowandthen.

IhearTylerandJaceyellingattheTVinunison.Peekingaroundthehall,Iseethetwoofthem

standing in front of the TV shouting, regarding a football game they are watching now that the tape has

ended.“Boysandtheirballs,”Imumbletomyself.

Watchingthetwoofthem,IknowIfinallymadetherightchoiceforonce.Tylerisexactlywhatand

whoweneeded.

Thedayformediationhasarrived,andIamsonervous.IamonlywillingtoagreeforMrs.Case

tocometoFloridatoseeJace.ThereisnowayIamputtingmybabyonaplaneandsendinghimtoher.I

walkoninwithmyattorneyandhaveaseat.IamsurprisedtofindBeverly’slawyerwithouther.

“I regret to inform you that Mrs. Case isn’t feeling well. I have been advised to act on her behalf.

Considering her recent health concerns, Mrs. Case is no longer able to travel and is no longer seeking

visitation rights. However, if you are so inclined, she requests that you bring the child to see her once

everysummer.Sheassumesthatyouwillbevisitingyourfamilytherealready.”

Iamnotgoingtofightthisturnofevents.EventhoughIwantnothingmorethantosaynoafterthe

wayshehasacted.HercallingCPSonmewasdrawingtheline.ButsheisBrian’smother,andIwant

Jacetoknowwhohecomesfrom.Oncehegetsolder,hecandecideforhimselfhowhefeelsabouther.

So,Iputmybiggirlpantiesonandagree.

IhurrytogethomeandtellTylerthenews.

IfIamfastenough,Imaybeabletospendthedaywithmyguys.IsendaquicktexttoTylerandlet

himknowthatBeverlywasanoshow.HeisasrelievedasIam,buthetellsmetheyarehavingaguy’s

day,andIamnotincluded.Thosepunks,butIamgladtheyarespendingtimetogether.

I go home and start unpacking more of my belongings and hope to surprise them with a clean and

clutterfreehomewhentheyreturn.IspendsomuchtimecleaningandarrangingIdon’tevennoticeasthe

hours fly by. My two guys come in laughing and tell me all about seeing the sharks being fed. Jace is

wearing his lopsided grin. It makes me feel even better about moving in with Tyler quicker than I had

anticipated.

ItellJacetogotothebathroomsoIcancleanhimupandgethimreadyfordinner,butTylerstops

meandordersmetohaveaseatonthecouch.HesaysthatheandJacehavesomethingimportanttotalkto

meabout.Iamcluelessastowhatisgoingon.Ihaveaseatandwait.Icanseethetwoofthemhuddledin

the kitchen whispering. Curiosity has its hold on me as I impatiently wait to find out what could be so

important.

Theyenterthelivingroomtogether.Tylertakesadeepbreathbeforespeaking.Hispalmsaresweaty

andhelookslikehemightthrowup.Now,Iamgettingnervous.

“Okay,don’tfreakoutonme.But,thisissomethingIhavebeenthinkingabout,andIreallyhopeyou

canjustlistenandgiveJaceandmebothachancetotalkbeforeyousayanything.”

“Okay,IguessIcandothat.”Itakeasecondtomentallypreparemyselfforwhateverthetwohave

them have up their sleeves. Jace is grinning at me excitedly, but Tyler still looks like he might faint or

puke.Anervousgiggleescapesmythroat.

“Iknowyoujustmovedinwithme,anditmightseemtoofasttobringthisupbut,Ireallyloveyou

andJace.Iwantustobeafamily,Aria.Arealone.Idon’twantustowastetimeworryingaboutwhatifs

andwishingforittohappensomeday.Lifeistooshort.IwanttoadoptJace.Iwanttobetheguywho

takeshimfishing.Iwanttoteachhimallaboutsports.Iwanttobetheguythatteacheshimtorideabike.

Iwanttowalkhimtoclassonhisfirstdayofschool.Letmebetheonetocheerhimupwhenhedoesn’t

alwaysmaketheteam.”

Thetearsarebeginningtopourdownmyfaceasthiswonderfulmandeclareshisloveformyson.It

mayseemtoofastforotherpeople,butIwantthesethingstoo.Thesymbolismofhiswordssoundsso

muchlikewhatFayeusedtosaytome.It’snowIknowthatitisasignfromhertellingmetolivehard

andloveevenharder.

“BeforeyousayanythingJacehassomethinghewantstoaskyou.Youreadybuddy?Rememberwhat

weplannedokay.”

Jacebringshishandsfrombehindhisbackandheisholdingajewelrybox.Heplacestheboxinmy

lapandsaystome,“MayoumarryTy.”

Ittakesmeamomenttorealizewhatmylittlemanjustsaidtome.“Yesbaby,MawillmarryTy.”I

letoutanexcitedgiggleandwipeawaymytears.

Tylercomesoverandkneelsinfrontofme.“Jace,youdidagreatjobbuddy,butIwanttoaskher

myselfnow.Aria,sugar.Iloveyousomuch.Icouldn’tgoanotherdaybeforeIaskyouoneveryimportant

question.Willyoumarryme?”

“Yes,Tyler.”Ithrowmyarmsaroundhisneckandgivehimakissasheopenstheboxandslidesthe

ringonmyfinger.

Itissobeautiful.Ican’tstopstaringattheringonmyfinger.Thediamondiscanaryyellowandina

princesscut.

“Doyoulikeit?IpickedtheyellowbecauseIknowyellowstandsforfriendship.Westartedoffas

friendsandgrewintosomethingsomuchmore.”

“It’sperfectTyler.”IkissTyler’sfaceagainandpullJaceintomylap.

Ican’thelpbutwishforFayetobeherewithmecelebratinginourjoy,butIcanfeelherwithme,

tellingmethatsheissohappyforJace,Tyler,andme.Maybewhatshesaidwastrue.

Everyoneservesapurposeinourlife.

Maybewhentheyleave,itjustmeanstheirtimeinourlifeisup.

AllthechoicesIhavemadeandtheliesIhavetoldhaveleaduptothismomentinmylife.

Sometimeslifehasawayofchoosingyourpathforyou.

Somecallitfate.

Epilogue

Threeyearslater…

Iamsittingcomfortablyinmybeachchair,well,ascomfortableasIcanbeatthissize.Ilookout

infrontofmeandseemyguys.TylerandJacespendtheirSaturday’splayingsoccerandfootballonthe

beach.Theyaresocutetogether.Tyleristhebestdad.

Jacestillhashisfather’scurls.Inevercouldbringmyselftoshavethemoff.Besides,theysuithim.

Myson’sfacestillhauntsmewiththeghostofhisfather,andthreeyearsafterhisdeathitnever

getsanyeasier.IstillfeelBrianwithme,everytimethewindblowsIalmosthearhimwhispermyname.

Hewillalwaysbeapartofme.

Tylerhasbeensopatientandunderstanding.HeeventakesthetimetotalktoJaceaboutBrianeven

thoughhenevermethim.AlthoughTylerisnowlegallyJace’sdad,heneverwantsoursontoforgetwho

hisfatherwas.

BeverlyCasedidn’tlivelongenoughtogethervisitswithJace.Theysayshediedofabrokenheart.

She passed away a few months after I married Tyler. I guess Faye was right about another thing. She

alwayssaiddeathcomesinthrees.BeverlydidincludeJaceinherwill.HerlawyerhadmostofBrian’s

sportsmemorabiliashippedtousalongwithphotosandmementos.GivingJacethingstoconnecttowho

hisfatherwas.

Tyler comes jogging over to me and places his hand on my stomach and gives it a rub, while

leaningdowntokissmycheek.“Howaremygirlsdoing?”

“We’rehungry.”Hehelpstopullmefrommychair.“Ihavebeenthinkingaboutaname,”Itellhim.

“Yeah,whatareyouthinking,we’regettingclosetoherduedate.”

“Well,IwasthinkingIwanttocallherDava,afteryourbrotherDavie.DavaBrianne,forBriantoo.”

“Sugar,Ithinkthat’sperfect.”

“You’reperfect,”Iwhisperagainsthismouth.

“Eww,stopmakingout.That’sgross,”Jaceshouts.

“Onedaylittleman,youwon’tthinkit’sgross.Notallgirlshavecooties,”Tylerteaseshim.

Jace scrunches his nose, but then a huge smile stretches across his face when a little girl from his

classasksifhewantstobuildasandcastlewithher.

“That’smyboy,”TylersayswithachuckleasJacetakesherbythehandtogetabucketofwaterto

wetthesand.

AbouttheAuthor

Glenna Maynard is a Kentucky native with a passion for romance, best known for her bestselling

romantic suspense novel I'm with You and The Black Rebel Riders' MC series. When she isn't arguing

withthevoicesinherheadordrinkingreadertears,sheenjoyswatchingclassicTVshowswithhertwo

childrenandlongtimeleadingman.

You can also find Glenna on several social media sites including Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest,

Instagram,Blogger,Google+andGoodreads.YouarealsoinvitedtojoinherreadergrouponFacebook

justsearchforGlenna’sRebels.

AvailableNow

Beauty&TheBikerADarkFairytale

DrunkOnYou

I’mwithYou

TheSuffocationofKatie

WhenitRains

BornSinner

DirtyLove

DirtyTruth

GrimThebeginning

Rumor

Baby

Striker

Romeo

HeartofARebel

ARebelLove

ARebelInTheRoses

Acknowledgements

Michelle,myRockstaryouknowIadoreyouandloveyoutobits.Thankyouforalwaysgivingme

awesomefeedbackandbeingakickassfriend.Oh,andforbeingmyblurbbitchthistimearound.

Tomyrebelsthankyouforyoursupport.Youmeantheworldtome.

Bonus

Preview

Beauty&TheBiker:ADarkFairytale

SABELLA

Vandacamp Mansion was said to have once been a grand castle. It’s stood for over two-hundred

years,hiddeninthebackwoodsofaforgottentown,Eden.Themansionhasbeenpassedfromgeneration

togenerationtotheVandacampheir.Ihaveonlyseenitonce,whenIwasachildonabusinesslunchwith

myfather.Iwasterrified.Thehomeremindsmeofsomethingoutofamedievalmovie.Builtofdarkgrey

stonesandbricks,itisverymuchacastle,completewitharoundtowerandwhatwasonceadungeon.It

givesmethecreeps.

Thinkingbackonitnowgivesmeshivers.Itwassodarkandcoldinside.Likelovehadneverlived

there.

Iglossovertherestofthearticleinthenewspaperaboutthehistoricalhomeandthemanwhonow

inheritstheVandacamplegacyafterthesuddenpassingofAngelo,theheadofthefamily.

Thecurrentheir,TristianVandacamp,isthetypeofmanyouwillcrossthestreettoavoidatallcost.

Known to most as an enforcer for a violent motorcycle club—Depraved Sinners, the men who run this

townandeveryoneinit.Theyowneverything,keepingtherestofushostage.Noonecanaffordtoleave,

soweareallforcedtostay.Theyarenotoriousforruininganyonewhostandsintheirway.I’veheard

whispersaboutTristian,theysayhehasnosoulandthatiswhyhelooksthewayhedoes.Rumorhasithe

oncekilledamanwithhisbarehandsforpronouncinghisnamewrong.I’mnotsureIbuyintoallthe

hypethough.

Myfatherhasdonehisbestinshieldingmefromthem,butIhaveseenTristianandhisgangriding

throughtown,appearingasifhehasrisenfromhellitself,fromthewindowofmyfamily’sbookstore.

TheBookNookwasmymother’sdreamandmyPapihastriedsohardtokeepitthriving.Thestore

hasneverbeenhispassion,buthehasheldon,tryingtokeephermemoryalive.Besides,itisn’tasifhe

hasachoicetodootherwise.Wehavenowhereelsetogoandnowaytogetthere.

Hehasmysister’sandmetocarefor.Iamtheyoungestofthree.Elsabethistheoldest,andtheonly

oneofustogetmarried.Herhusband,Felix,managesthelocalsanitationcompany.Mysisterthegarbage

queen.Iwouldhaveneverthoughtthatwouldeverhappen,butshefellinlove.HerandFelixarealways

kissingandbeingsoromantic.Iwantthatsomeday—thepassiontheyshare.Theyareexpectingtheirfirst

childlaterthisyear.Theysharedthenewswithusovertheweekend.

Myfathercannotwaittohavehisfirstgrandchild.Weallwishmymotherwereherefortimeslike

this.Shewasalwayssogracefulandknewexactlywhattodoorsay.WhenshelostherbattlewithLupus,

itwashardonusall,butmainlymysister,Ariala.

Arialaiswild.Sheisalwayschasingafterthewrongmen.MenwhokeepcompanywithTristianno

doubt.Shewasn’talwayslikethisbutsincemompassedawayshehasbeenlashingout,warrantingthe

wrong kind of attention. I never imagined she would act out the way she has. Always out late, if she

comeshomeatall.Mydadstaysstressedandworriedaboutherwelfare.

Thestayingoutisn’ttheworstofheroffenses,shehasaseriousdrugproblemthatshetriestohide

butIcanseeit.Ijustdon’tknowwhyeveryoneelsecan’t.Shebleedsourfatherdry.Icaughthertaking

moneyfromhiswalletafewdaysagoandwhenIconfrontedher,shehadtheaudacitytolieandsayPapi

owedhermoney.

Thatiswhyitisuptometobethegoodgirlanddowhatisexpectedofme.Myfather’sheartcan’t

handlemorestress.Heisstretchedthinasitis.

Beingthebabyofthefamilyhasleftmethemostsheltered.WithElsabethmarriedandArialaoutof

control, I do what I can to help my father out at the store. I recently obtained my high school diploma.

MuchlaterthanIshouldhave,butwithourmotherneedingconstantcareandlookingafter,Idroppedfrom

publicschoolandfinishedschoolathomewithonlinecourses.

Ifellfarbehindineverythingbutreading.Iwouldratherreadthandoanything.It’smyescape.Ittook

meawayfromthepressureoftakingcareofmymotherandbeingperfectformyfatherwheremysisters

hadfailedhim.

“Isabella,”myfathercallsfromhisoffice.

Idiscardthenewspaperandwalktothebackofthestore.“Yes,Papi.”

“I need to leave early today. I have to go by the bank before closing.” He takes off his glasses,

cleaningthemonthehemofhisbuttondownshirt.Acoffeestainisdribbleddownthefront.Hehasn’t

been feeling well. I’m afraid he is over doing it. He stays stressed over my sister and money. “You

shouldn’thavemanycustomers.I’llneedyoutolockup.“

“Go,I’llbefine,”Iassurehim.I’vetakencareofthestoreplentyoftimesonmyownsinceIwas

fifteen. When Papi would take Mama to the doctor I would stay behind and keep the store open. Papi

hasn’tbeenthesamesinceshedied.Noneofushave.

IjustwishIcouldseePapismileagain.Heneedsawomantolookafterhimotherthanme.

Although,IbelievePapihasathingforLanaCrawford,theloanofficeratthebank.Hegoestothe

bank often enough to see her. She seems like a sweet lady. She comes in from time to time to buy a

romancenovel.Itwouldbenicetoseethemdate.Myfatherhasn’tdatedsincemompassedawayover

threeyearsago.HesaysthatMamawashisoneandonceyouhavebeenwithyourone,nothingornoone

canevercompare.I’mnotsureifIbelievethereisonlyonepersonouttherethatIammeanttosharemy

lifewith,butIhavealwaysfeltapieceofmehasbeenmissing.MaybeIjusthaven’tmetmyone.

“I’llswingbackbyanddriveyouhomeafterward.”Hesmileswarmly,buthisskinseemspalefor

hisnaturallytanappearance.

“Areyoufeelingokay?”

“I’mfineMihija.”Hebrushesmyconcernawayandgathersthepapersstrewnacrosshisdeskintoa

neatpile,tuckingthemunderhisarm.

Oncehehasleft,Imakemywaybacktothefront,ontheoddchancethatsomeonewillactuallycome

in and buy something. I grab a favorite book of mine and collapse on the loveseat, in the corner by the

front window. My mother wanted customers to be comfortable and have a quiet place to read or talk

abouttheirfavoritebooks.

Three cozy couches are placed in various parts of the room. My favorite being the one next to the

window.WhenI’mnotreadingIenjoypeoplewatching.Iwatch,aseveryone’slivesseemtobemoving

on,whileminecontinuestostandstill.NotthatImindworkingatthebookstore,butIdon’thavemany

friendsoutsideofmyfamily.Mydailyroutineconsistsofhomeandthebookstore.AtleastIgettoread

justaboutanythingIwantforfree,basically.

Iglancearoundthestoremymothercreatedmissingthewayshewouldsmileatmefrombehindthe

counter,whenshewaswellenoughtowork.Thebusinessdidsomuchbetterwhenshewasalive.She

wastheheartofthestore.Sheattractedmostofthecustomerswithherwitandcharm.Butmostofallher

beauty.Ihaveneverseenawomanasbeautifulasher,thoughmanysayIlooklikeher,butevenprettier.I

think they are all nuts. My mother was graceful and stunning. I am a klutz and homely in comparison. I

havenostyleorgrace.

Atleastthatiswhatmysisterstellme.Idon’tcaremuchaboutappearancesthough.Iwouldmuch

ratherhavemymindstimulatedwiththebeautyofwordsratherthanthevanityofsociety.IfIeverfinda

manwhocanpenetratemymind,I’llbesmitten.Fornow,Iwillhavetosettleformybookboyfriends.

Theyalwaysknowwhattodoorsay.

IfonlyIcouldturnthingsaroundaseasilyasithappensinthebooksIfindmyescapein.

Lookingaroundthestorethereisn’tmuchdesignwisethatIcanchangetodrawpeoplein.

Theshelvinganddisplaystakeupmostoftheroom.Asmallcountertakesupashortspaceholding

the cash register, bookmarks, keychains, and small baubles for sale. Not that we sell much of anything

these days. Most people have switched to e-readers. I prefer paperbacks myself, but I’m not a paying

customer.

I’monmythirdre-readoftheOutlanderseries.Jamieistodiefor.Heistheultimatebookhusband.I

losetrackoftimeasIescapemysadrealitywiththeFraser’sinScotland.Iamsoabsorbedinmyreading

Idon’tevenhearthedoorchime.Ionlyrealizesomeoneelseisinthestorewhenmynovelisplucked

frommygrasp.

Inshockatmyrudeinterruption,myeyestravelupthelengthoftheintruder’sbody.Startingatthe

feet, my eyes meet with a pair of black riding boots, my pulse quickens as I come to his worn, ripped,

faded,denimjeans.Tattooedknucklesgripmybook.Onefingersticksoutwiththeskullringthatadorns

it. A leather vest covers the man’s chest. The name TRIS displayed in bold letters on one of the many

patchesexhibitedonhisbikercut,identifieshimasTristianVandacamp.Tattoossnakeuphisneckand

cover most of his face. Giving him the appearance of a skeleton. His appearance is alarming and

intriguing.Myhand,outofinstinct,reachesuptotouchhisbonecoloredflesh.

He reminds me of my favorite character from my youth, Jack The Pumpkin King. I smile briefly, I

haven’treadthebookorwatchedthemovieinyears.Mymotherusedtoreadthebooktomeeverynight

orsoshesaid,whenItrytoremembertheyearsbeforeherillnesstookover,itallfuzzesintoablur.I

guessithurtstoomuchtorememberherthewayshewasbefore—beautiful,young,andhealthy.

Before my trembling fingers reach his face, he grabs my wrist, stopping me forcefully. My book is

lying on the ground at his feet now. What kind of jerk mistreats a book like this anyway? Tristian

Vandacamp,that’swho.Ishouldn’tbesurprisedthatthistoughasnailsbikerhasnomannersorrespect

forliterature.

Jerkingmyhandbackfromhistighthold,Iclearmythroatandraisefrommyspotontheloveseat.I

retrieve my discarded book and place it back on the shelf I borrowed it from, trying to reign in my

annoyanceathisdisruption.

Icanfeelhisdarkeyesonme,assessingme.“CanIhelpyouMr.Vandacamp?”Myvoicecomesout

hoarse and shaky. I look up meeting his gaze and I have to avert my eyes back to his hands. I take a

calmingbreathstudyingthebonestattooedoverhisdigits,travelinguphisarm.Theylooksoreal.He’s

likealivingdeadman.

Hishandreachesup,hisstrong,veryalivefingerspinchmychinandtiltmyfaceup,forcingmeto

stareintothedarkabyssheldinhiseyes.“MyfatherwasMr.I’mTris.”Droppinghishand,heholdsan

inkcoveredhandoutformetoshake.Icanstillfeelhistouchonmyfaceasifheneverletmego.

LettingoutanervousbreathIsmilefeelinggiddyandsilly.“Isabella,”IreturnunsureofwhetherI

wanttorisktouchinghim.Iamafraidthedesiretotracemyfingersoverhistattooswillbetootempting.I

can’thelpitasmyeyesbat,flutteringmylashes.That’ssomethingmysisterswoulddo,notme.Thisman

hasaweirdeffectonme.

Givinguponthehandshakehedropshishandtohisside,nowclenchinghisfist.“Where’syourold

man?”Hisdarkeyesnarrowonme,givingmegoosebumps.

Thewayhelooksatmemakesmefeelnakedandafraid.Ifeelasthoughthedepthsofhisdarknessis

swallowingmewhole.

Iclearthelumpinmythroat.“Hewillbeintomorrow.Hesteppedoutearly.”Ilookattheclockon

thewall.IwasreadingalotlongerthanIrealized.Ishouldhaveclosedthestoreoveranhourago.Papi

shouldbebacktodrivemehomebynow.

“You seem nervous,” he presses taking a calculated step toward me, boxing me in-between what I

imaginetobehishardbodyandthecounter.“AreyouafraidIsabella?”

“ShouldIbe?”Iaskmyvoicecomingoutinatightsqueak.

“Very,”heanswerscoldandserious.

Iscootalongtheedgeofthecountermovingclosertohimratherthanfurtheraway.

“Ithinkyouareterrifiedofmyappearance.”Hecockshisheadtothesideappraisingme.

I’msureI’mnotthekindofwomanheisusedto.Myslimfigureishiddenbeneathmyfrumpydress.I

wear it more out of comfort than anything. My sisters always dressed so revealing, attracting attention

withtheirbodies.Iwanttobelikedformymindnotmybody.

Hisnoseturnsupashiseyestraveldownmyguardedbody.

Would he think differently of me, if I was dressed like Ariala, with all my goods hanging out on

display?

“Youseemtobetheonejudgingappearances,”Iobserve.

“Youlookedappalledwhenyoureyesmetmine,”hestates.

BeforeIcantellhimhisappearancedoesn’tscaremeintheleast,andthatitwashistreatmentofmy

bookthatsetmeoff,thestorelinerings,startlingme.Ijumpslightlyasitclangsloudlyinthequietroom.

“Ihavetotakethis,”Iannouncewithanapologeticsmile.

Turningmybacktohim,Ianswer.“BookNook,Isabellaspeaking.”

Anunknowntomewomansquawksontheline,“Mr.Perezhasbeenrushedtothehospital,youneed

tocomequickly.”Inearlydropthephoneonthecounteratherwords.

Myfacepalesasherwordssinkin.MystomachistwistinginknotsandIhavetheurgetothrowup.

Sweatbeadsdownmyback.Ifeeldizzy.Vertigosweepsovermeastwostrongarmswraparoundme,

protectingmefromknockingmyheadonthecounter.

AvisionflashesofaboybutIfeeltoodisorientedtomakeitout.ButsomethingaboutTristian’shold

onmefeelsalltoofamiliar.It’slikemybodyknowshistouchandwelcomeshisdarkness.

Thewarningtonesignalingthephoneisoffthehooksnapsmebackfrommysickspell.Isteadymy

hands on the counter regaining control. His hands linger around my waist a bit longer as I focus on

breathing.HelooksatmeagainwiththoseblackorbsofdespairandIwanttodrownintheicy,black

watersthreateningtopullmebackunder,butIneedtogettomyfather.

I smile graciously and shove his hands away. He stills behind me, his body pressing into mine,

definitelyahardwallofmuscle.Hismouthcurvesdowninagrimaceandhewalkstowardthedoor.

“Thankyou.Ihavetogo.I’msorry.I’lltellmyfatheryouwishtospeakwithhim.”Idon’twaitfora

response.Irushtotheofficegrabbingmybagandthekeystothestore.Thecourtesyofphoningmysisters

doesn’tcrossmymind.Ineedtogettomyfatherandmakesureheisokay.Ican’tlosehimtoo.Idon’t

botherturningoffthelightsIcanreturnlater,onceIhaveseenmyfather,toshutthemoff.

As I am twisting the key in the lock, I register Tristian standing by his motorcycle down the street

watchingme.Idon’tlikeit.Hemakesmefeelvulnerable.

My knees shake slightly threatening to buckle as I walk past him, my worry over my Papi is

threateningtoknockmeoffmyfeet.

“Needalift,”heofferswiththehintofademandinhistone.

IknowwhatkindofmanTristianis,thetypethatalwaysgetswhathewantsandifhedoesn’tgetit

rightoff,hecanbuyit.

Hemotionstohismotorcycle.

Hisbikewillgetmetothehospitalalotquickerthanmylegs.

Inodunsureofhowtogetonorhowtorideonthethingwithhim.I’veneverriddenbefore.

Hetakesonelookatmyfrailappearanceandlaughsdarkly.

Histattooedfacewearsamenacingsmile.“Neverhadalittlepowerbetweenyourlegs.”

Iblush,atthedoublemeaninglacedinhiscrudeteasing.

“Ibetyouareaspureasafirstsnowinwinter,”hejokesagainatmyexpense.

“Wouldn’tyouliketoknow,”Isnapfindingmyspine.

“Youwouldn’tknowwhattodowithamanlikeme,”hebarksbeforeinstructingmehowtoridewith

himonwhathecallsthebitchseat.Theskirtofmydress,hikedovermykneesandbunchedupoffersa

thinveilbetweenmypurityandhisbackside.Isnuggleintohisbackforprotectionfromthecoolnightair.

“You’retoopureformesweetheart,muchtoofragileforamanlikeme.”Helaughsashepullsusoutonto

thestreet.

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