You Don’t Go Back

By Terry O’Reilly

Published by

JMS Books LLC

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jms-books.com

for more information.

Copyright 2011

Terry O’Reilly

ISBN 978-1-61152-151-1

Cover Photo Credit:

Alanpoulson

Used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.
Cover Design:

J.M. Snyder

All Rights Reserved

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purposes of review.

This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It contains

substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which
may be considered offensive by some readers. Please store your
files where they cannot be accessed by minors.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and

incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination
and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to
actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United States of America.

* * * *

1

You Don’t Go Back

By Terry O’Reilly

Rick opens his eyes. For a moment he is disoriented.

Then he remembers. He looks around the living room of the
mountain cabin. He and Ed had built this place just a year
earlier. He sighs deeply and realizes he still holds a glass in his
hand as he sits hunched down in the overstuffed chair in which
he fell asleep. The glass is empty and the stain on his jeans
reveals he has spilled his whiskey, probably as he drifted off. He
pushes himself upright, sets the glass on the table next to his
chair, puts his head in his hands, and rubs his eyes. Rick has to
piss. He gets up and walks to the bathroom and relieves himself.
He turns and looks at his reflection in the mirror over the sink.

“How did this happen? How could this happen?” he asks

himself out loud. “How could this fuckin’ happen?” he says again,
pounding his hand on the vanity, causing the mirror to shake.

Rick walks back into the living room and to the big bay

window. He looks out on the lake with the sun glistening on the
water—7:23 by his wristwatch. He stares vacantly at the lake
and lets the sparkling ripples mesmerize him. Scenes from the
previous night come back to him.

* * * *

He and Ed came home to their house in the valley after

dinner and were in bed. They turned in early, eager to celebrate
their anniversary. They had been together for six years, six
happy, fulfilled years. Ed lay on his back smiling up at Rick, who.
was between his legs. They pressed their lips together. Rick was
just about to complete their union when the doorbell rang.

“Damn,” he exclaimed, starting to get up.
“Ignore it,” Ed said, pulling him down and arching his back

against him.

“What if it’s Becky?”
Ed replied, “Becky would just come on in and yell, ‘Hey,

2

Daddy, Rick, ready or not here I come.’ So, whoever it is can just
fuckin’ get lost. We’re busy!”

Now there was knocking—not loud but persistent.
Rick sighed. “Don’t go away.” He kissed Ed on the nose,

got out of bed, slipped on a pair of pajama bottoms and slippers,
and padded out of the bedroom.

“Git rid of the son of a bitch whoever it is and git back in

here,” Ed growled after him.

Rick switched on a light in the living room that was semi-

dark in the summer twilight. “Hold on, hold on, I’m coming.”
Whoever was at the door continued knocking persistently. The
pounding was getting louder now.

Rick opened the door and switched on the porch light.

“Yeah?”

The man who stood on the porch blinking in the light and

looking perplexed with his black Stetson held politely in his
hands was tall, taller than Rick. He was also quite handsome,
with blue eyes, a shy smile, and black hair flecked with grey.

“Oh,” he stammered. “I must have the wrong house. Sorry

I bothered you.” He turned to walk away.

“Who the fuck was that?” came Ed’s gruff voice as he

walked up behind Rick.

The man on the porch froze. He turned around. “Ed?”
Rick looked at the man and then over his shoulder at his

partner. Ed’s eyes were wide and the color was draining from his
face.

“Oh ma God.” Ed staggered back and lost his balance as

he tripped on the ottoman behind him. Rick turned and grabbed
his arm to steady him. “Oh ma God!” he said again.
“Jerry…Jerry…you’re supposed to be dead!”

* * * *

Rick sighs again and turns from the window, letting the

scene fade. “Jerry!” He shakes his head. “Jerry Taylor!” How
many times had he heard Ed talk about his old lover? Rick would
listen as Ed, sometimes drunk, sometimes sober, relived their

3

time together on the Texas rodeo circuit when they had
discovered there was more to their relationship than just
friendship. He’d talk of how, when Jerry had pushed him for a
permanent living arrangement, he had panicked and fled the
rodeo to head back to Montana, where he hastily married Alice,
his childhood sweetheart. He’d talk about the years he and Jerry
spent writing to one another, arranging times to get together as
Ed realized—despite his fear—that he loved this man and
needed to be with him when he could manage it, making any
excuse he could think of to explain it to Alice.

Then he had gotten that call from Jerry’s wife telling him

Jerry was dead, killed in a tractor accident. Ed went all to hell.
His rocky, ill-conceived marriage ended when, in his grief, he
confessed to Alice what Jerry had truly meant in his life. He told
of how it took years to get back on his feet, to be free of the guilt
of not being able to give Jerry the relationship he had wanted.

Rick knew from the start Jerry, even in death, had a

strong hold on Ed’s heart. Now…well, now what? Hadn’t he,
Rick, made a life with Ed Doherty? Hadn’t it been his love for Ed
and Ed’s for him that had made Ed strong enough to come to
grips with who he was and what he really needed in his life?
Jerry Taylor hadn’t done that.

Rick walks back into the bathroom, pisses again, strips,

and turns on the shower. He steps inside and leans his head
against the stall wall. Once again, for probably the tenth time
since Jerry appeared at their door the previous night, he begins
to plead his case to whoever might be listening, going over his
life with Ed—a life that would be empty without him.

* * * *

Valley View Ranch and Riding Stable, the sign at the end

of the lane read. Benny, Rick’s grandson, was fairly vibrating in
the passenger seat of Rick’s silver F-150 super cab.

“Here we are! Here we are!” he yelled.
Rick smiled. He finally had a kid who shared his passion for

horses. Stephen, his son, had never shown any interest. Jenny, his

4

granddaughter, thought they were too smelly and dirty. But Benny,
he was different. He would do almost anything to be around
horses, just like Rick himself. Valley View was to be the new home
for Ben’s horse, whenever they found it. In the meantime Rick was
going to get the boy some riding lessons. Rick had a horse
boarded at a stable near his home but Ben needed a horse with a
little less spirit to begin riding. When they found one, they would
move it here. It was convenient to Ben’s parents’ home and had a
good reputation, even though it was a ways from where Rick lived.

They pulled into the parking area, got out of the truck, and

walked toward the barn. As they did, a man emerged from the
dark aisle-way. He was tall and lean, and walked a bit hunched
over. His boots were scuffed and he wore spurs. His old, dusty
cowboy hat was pulled down over his brows. As he drew near
the pair, he looked up and into Rick’s face. Those dark, brooding
eyes seemed to bore into Rick. Rick took in the crooked smile
and instantly fell in love.

“Uh, howdy,” the man said. “I’m Ed, Ed Doherty. I guess

you must be the folks lookin’ fer a horse and some lessons.”

He stuck out his hand for Ben to shake and then took

Rick’s. Rick didn’t ever want to let go. He wanted to bend over
and kiss that hand and then the man attached to it, to take him in
his arms and make love to him.

“Well, I guess we might as well git goin’,” Ed was saying.

He turned and walked to the barn.

Watching him walk away was pure heaven and hell all at

once. Rick marveled at the masculine form he saw before him
and was pained at any degree of separation. This was nuts. But
he couldn’t deny the way he felt. He loved this man who called
himself Ed Doherty.

Rick watched the lesson. He never took his eyes off Ed.

At the end of the lesson, Ed came over to where Rick was
standing and said something about Ben bein’ a real natural, but
the only thing Rick really heard was, “So, if he’s gonna take more
lessons, I’d be glad to teach ‘im and…I hope you’re gonna come
back with ‘im if he does.” He turned his head slightly and looked
sideways at Rick.

5

* * * *

“Yeow!” Rick calls out as the shower goes cold, rudely

bringing him back to the present. He doesn’t bother to soap up
but turns off the frigid spray and gratefully wraps a towel around
himself as he steps out of the cubicle.

“Yeah, it was there right at the very start,” Rick reassures

himself as he shaves with cold water at the sink. “He felt it too. It
took ‘im awhile to admit it to me, but he finally told me he’d felt it,
too.”

* * * *

“Ya remember that first day ya brung Benny up for a

lesson?”

Rick was lying with his head on Ed’s chest, listening to the

beating of the man’s heart, playing with his chest hair, nibbling
on his nipple.

“Yes, sir, I do,” Rick replied.
“Well, you said you knew you loved me right there that day.”
“Yeah, I did,” Rick said. “I know it sounds crazy but that’s

the God’s truth.”

“Don’t sound crazy to me at all.” Ed rolled Rick off his

chest. Then Ed moved over on top of him, pressing their bodies
together. He smiled down at Rick, tracing the lines around Rick’s
mouth with his forefinger. “I felt it, too. Felt it all durin’ the lesson.
Could hardly keep ma mind on teachin’ that boy.”

Ed chuckled at the memory. “Didn’t know what to do with

them feelin’s then. But I do now.”

Ed smiled, then lowered his lips to Rick’s.

* * * *

Rick continues to verbalize his thoughts as he gets

dressed. “So why the fuck were you so noble last night?” Rick
asks himself. “Oh, you two need to get caught up. You have so
much to talk about. This is such a shock. I’ll just take myself out
of the picture, go up to the cabin with ma tail between ma legs,

6

and let you two get reacquainted. Shit! I shoulda stayed there!
What kind of dumb fuck are you, Rick Jensen? This is Jerry
Taylor! He who was dead is now alive. He, who Ed always brings
up in one way or another, sometimes even when we make love,
is here now, and here you are outta sight, outta mind, letting him
have time alone with your man!”

Rick always knew Jerry was Ed’s first love, and he would

never fully get over the way it had ended—when Ed ran away
because he didn’t understand his feelings for Jerry and was
afraid of them, without Jerry ever knowing how Ed had truly felt.

The memory of his coming up here and leaving Ed and

Jerry to do…well, to do who knows what all night…brings to
mind his horse, Shadow, in the small, two-horse barn. He had
ridden Shadow up to the cabin from the farm. Both he and the
horse knew the way even in the dark. Riding up here was one of
the things he and Ed did a lot. Here on the mountain they both
seemed to feel freer and protected. Rick heads for the barn deep
in thought.

* * * *

“I want ta show ya somethin’,” Ed said one morning about

four years after they had bought and moved to Hidden Valley Farm.

“And, what might that be?” Rick responded, reaching around

the waistband of Ed’s boxers and searching for what was hidden
inside as Ed brushed his teeth in front of the bathroom sink.

“Quit it, you damn pervert!” Ed said, laughing and spitting

toothpaste on the mirror as he danced away from Rick’s probing
hands. “This is somethin’ new. You seen what’s in them boxers
plenty. Now let go or…don’t do that…oh, sheee-it.”

Eventually Ed got to show Rick his surprise, but not until

after they had made love for the second time that morning.

* * * *

Rick goes out to the barn, throws three flakes of hay into

the manger of Shadow’s stall, fills the water bucket, and puts a

7

scoop of sweet feed into the grain tray. He stands leaning
against the doorframe, listening to the sounds of morning on the
mountain, the lapping of the waves, the calling of the loons, the
whistling of the wind in the trees. In his mind, he hears Ed’s
words once more.

* * * *

“And right here,” Ed was saying. “Right here is where we’ll

put the barn.”

Rick was holding the horses as Ed paced off the outline of

the building he evidently could see in his mind. “I figure only two
stalls cuz this is gonna be our own private place. Only gonna be
able to git here with horses and only us two. Whatda ya think a
my surprise?”

Rick thought it was a great idea. He said so to the happy,

childlike man who held him in his arms on the top of the mountain
that day, told him so in word and later in deed when they swam in
the lake and made love on the shore. He knew in his heart in
some way Ed was recreating a dream he and Jerry had once
shared. But, he also knew he and Ed loved each other, and he
was willing to share Ed with the memory of Jerry and that dream.

* * * *

“Not willin’ to share him now, though. Not with the real live

Jerry Taylor,” Rick says, addressing the horse as he goes back
into the barn and starts cleaning the stall. “But I can’t hate him.
No matter what happens now.”

Shadow looks up as Rick continues.
“Jerry loved Ed and weren’t his fault things didn’t work

out.” He throws this last outburst over his shoulder to Shadow,
who is finishing his breakfast. Shadow doesn’t offer any
comment.

Rick returns to the house for his own breakfast, but once

he arrives in the kitchen, he has no appetite. Instead he goes
back into the living room, retrieves the glass from the night

8

before, and pours himself a double from the bottle still on the
table. He sits in the overstuffed chair and regards his liquid
breakfast.

“I ‘member some pretty nice breakfasts with Ed,” he

muses aloud to the walls and the furniture. One in particular
comes to mind.

* * * *

“Um, you been comin’ up here pretty regular past few

months,” Ed said. “Ya know for Ben’s lessons and then uh…for
uh, them trail rides we been takin’.” Ed was playing with the
scrambled eggs on his plate.

Ed had been talkative that morning on their trail ride and

through the first part of breakfast at the diner they often
frequented after a ride. This was unusual for the normally quiet,
shy man. Now Ed seemed nervous, like someone not sure how to
say what they wanted to say…not sure if they would even say it.
So they just kept talking, hoping it would spill out at some point.

Rick nodded, trying to prompt Ed to continue.
“And well, I was, uh…thinkin’ that you got this horse

boarded somewheres. What’s his name agin?

“Shadow.”
“Right, Shadow…and you come up here and…um…that’s

a long drive for ya. And…uh…then ya rent a horse and pay for
the ride. Well…”

Rick could tell Ed was rubbing his hand nervously on his

thigh under the table. He was rocking slightly back and forth.

“I thought maybe that um…you could move that Shadow

horse up here and that’d save you a helluva lotta time and
money. Well, maybe not money, cuz you’d have ta pay board but
you would save ya time. Well, maybe not time, either, cuz you’d
have ta drive up anyway. But…” He said the last part of the
sentence so fast, as if he wouldn’t have the courage to say it if
he didn’t.

* * * *

9

Rick smiles to himself as he sits in the chair sipping his

whiskey. That was an important moment, he knows now. It was
the opening he had been waiting for, hoping for—an indication of
whether or not Ed wanted a relationship. Ed did want that
relationship. Rick also understands how hard it must have been
for Ed to be open with him about his desires, the same desires
that had caused him to run from Jerry.

Rick remembers being so elated, so surprised, that he

hadn’t responded immediately.

* * * *

“Ah well, if you don’t want…” Misinterpreting Rick’s silence

for rejection, Ed began looking down at his eggs and hash
browns, putting his hands on the table on either side of his plate.

“Oh, no, no, I think it’s a great idea!” Rick said, reaching

across the table and putting his hands on Ed’s. Both men stared
down at the touching hands and then looked up into each other’s
eyes. Ed looked nervously around the diner and Rick pulled his
hands away.

“Well…well, that’s super then.” Ed smiled. “Let’s get this

breakfast done. Then I kin take ya over and show ya your stall
and the tack room. I’m gonna see if I can get ya a break on the
board and then we can check out the loft where I live…that is, if
you want…” Ed continued jabbering away, shoveling his
breakfast into his mouth.

Rick sat there with a warm feeling inside and a big smile

on his face. Ed wanted something to come of their friendship. He
couldn’t wait for a tour of the loft.

* * * *

Rick gets up from the chair and starts to walk to the

kitchen. He notices the red flashing light on the answering
machine.

“Damn!”
He immediately sets the glass down and hits the replay

10

button, holding his breath, hoping it isn’t just some automated
sales call.

“Hey, uh…mornin’, Rick. Um…me’n Jerry here is gonna

go out for somethin’ ta eat. Thought you might like ta come with
us. We got somethin’ ta tell ya. Gimme a call. It’s about nine.”

Rick checks his watch. Shit, nine thirty. He’d been outside

feeding Shadow. He dials the farmhouse number. While it rings,
he realizes Ed hadn’t ended his voice message with his usual, ‘I
love you, bud, now and forever.’

“Come on, answer, don’t be gone.”
“Hi,” his own voice comes over the line. “Ed and Rick ain’t

home to talk with ya. We’re probably out screwing around with
horses or cows or somethin’. Or maybe we’re jist screwing
around.” There’s a slight pause, then, “ But we’d like to return
your call so—”

Rick hangs up before the end of the recording.
Hurt and confused, he picks up the glass and heads for

the kitchen. He doesn’t know what to make of the lack of Ed’s
usual reassurance of his love. It had become his hallmark at the
end of every call. Rick gets to the sink and absently rinses out
the glass, placing it in the rack. He stares out the window,
remembering.

“Rick, I love ya. I’m never gonna stop tellin’ ya that. I

never said it to Jerry. Never once and that was wrong o’ me. But
I’m gonna say it to you now and every chance I get. I am so
damn lucky to get another chance at lovin’ someone like this.”

Ed had said that as they lay next to each other after their

first time together. Laying naked in Ed’s arms in his tiny loft
apartment over the stable at Valley View Ranch, Rick had
responded with a kiss and tears.

Tears fall again now as Rick stands at the sink. He wipes

them away angrily with the back of his hand.

Suddenly Rick knows what he has to do. He makes a

quick check of the cabin and heads out to the barn and saddles
up Shadow. He’s going to go down the mountain. He’s going to
see what’s goin’ on at Hidden Valley Farm.

11

* * * *

After putting Shadow, without untacking him, in his stall in

the main barn down in the valley, Rick heads for the house.
Rusty, Ed’s Australian cattle dog, gets up from the porch and
comes up to him, tail wagging. “Where was you last night?” Rick
asks as he reaches down and pets the animal. “You’re supposed
to run off intruders. Didn’t do much of a job, didja?”

He checks the open garage as he walks by. Both his and

Ed’s Blazers are there, and the F-150 is parked in its usual place
under the carport next to the horse trailer.

Took Jerry’s…whatever, Rick thinks. In his haste to get

away the previous night he hadn’t even checked to see how
Jerry had gotten to the farm.

Rick stops on the wide front porch with his hand on the

doorknob.

* * * *

“Well, who’s gonna carry who over the doorstep?” Rick

quipped to Ed as they arrived at the door of the farmhouse on
the day they were to move in.

“It shore as hell ain’t gonna be you carryin’ me,” Ed had

replied, and with a swift movement that caught Rick off-guard, he
picked him up and threw him over his shoulder like a sack of
grain, kicking the door open as he did.

“Put me down, you old fool. You’re gonna throw your back

out agin and then what?”

“I’ll show you what!” Ed replied laughing.

* * * *

He takes a deep breath, lets the memory fade, and steps

inside. It’s quiet as a church on Monday morning.

He walks through the living room, listening to the mantel

clock ticking rhythmically, sounding strangely loud in the empty
house. Everything is in place. Rick walks down the hall past the
kitchen. Looking in, there are two whiskey tumblers and two

12

coffee mugs in the drainer next to the sink.

Musta had a good old time last night, he thinks sardonically.
At the end of the hall he sticks his head in the guest room.

His heart sinks. The bed is made. There’s no sign anyone has
slept there.

Rick looks in the only bathroom in the house, located

between the two bedrooms. A duffle is on the floor. Shaving gear
and a toothbrush he doesn’t recognize are on the vanity. He
takes a deep breath, which he releases through his nose.

The door to their room is ajar. He doesn’t want to open it.

He doesn’t want to see evidence from the unmade bed of where
Jerry Taylor spent the night. He closes his eyes.

* * * *

“Don’t stop! Man, don’t,” Rick moaned when Ed pulled out

of him, breaking their union as they made love that move-in day.

Ed had carried Rick all the way down the hall and dumped

him on the floor because the furniture was still on the truck. He
then proceeded to undress as Rick lay on his back, propped on
his elbows, watching. When Rick started to take his clothes off,
Ed stopped him.

“My job,” he said softly, tenderly, as he proceeded to

removed Rick’s garments one by one.

When they were both naked on the carpet, Ed prepared

Rick for what was to come.

“Don’t stop,” Rick said again as Ed pulled out.
“Don’t intend to,” Ed replied as he straddled Rick and

slipped Rick inside him.

“That better?” he said, smiling. “We ain’t never gonna be

separated. One way or the other, me in you, you in me, we’re
gonna be together, always be one man.”

Ed continued to switch back and forth between the two

unions, until Rick cried out as he filled Ed with his cum. Ed
reunited himself with Rick and completed the tender yet
passionate joining. Finally, lying gently full-length on top of Rick,
Ed covered him, neck, shoulders and face, with kisses.

13

“Always gonna be one. Always gonna be one. Welcome

home, darlin’, welcome home,” he said over and over.

* * * *

Rick pushes the door open. The bed is made. No

evidence anyone has slept here either. No evidence they
haven’t. Rick walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, his
head in his hands, his elbows on his knees.

* * * *

Ed had sat that way once before in his little apartment.

They’d just finished making love. They were still naked. Rick sat
next to him. He sensed there had been something on Ed’s mind
all evening. Ed sighed deeply and then spoke slowly and
deliberately.

“I want to do it right this time. Last time with Jerry I was

too scared to do it and it cost me…us…Jerry and me both.”

Rick listened. It seemed as if Ed was more thinking out

loud than talking to him.

“I’m still scared now, but this time it ain’t gonna stop me,”

he continued as he sat up straight and turned to look at Rick.

Locking his eyes on Rick’s, he said, “I don’t know if I’m

queer or not, but I know I loved Jerry and being with him…like
this.” He pointed to the bed behind them. “Just being with him
anywhere, anyway, doing whatever, made me happier than
anything.”

Rick smiled.
Ed took another deep breath. “And I love you the same

way. I got me another chance ta be happy agin and I ain’t gonna
let it slip by just cuz I’m scared. So, Rick, if ya feel that same way,
and I shore hope you do cuz this is gonna sound damn stupid if
ya don’t, could we get us a place here somewheres and…”

Ed closed his eyes like he was screwing up his courage,

then said, “And live together and be partners or whatever they
call men like us?” Ed finished by opening his eyes, which took on

14

a pleading look.

“That’d make me ‘happier than anything’.” Rick

responded, echoing Ed’s earlier statement.

“Well, damn!” Ed shouted. He stood up and pulled Rick to

his feet and into his arms. “That means we must
be…be…engaged!” Then Ed blushed at his own words and Rick
laughed while kissing him.

“You laughing at me, boy?” Ed said with a big smile.
“Yes, cowboy, I am. You are so damn special.”

* * * *

Rick lifts his head. He looks around the room…their room.

“Damn you, Jerry Taylor! Why couldn’t ya jista stayed dead?”

He gets up and walks out into the hallway. The sound of

voices from the living room cause him to freeze where he stands.

“God, it’s good ta see ya agin.” It’s Ed talking. Rick leans

against the wall and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to hear this.

“Cowboy,” comes Jerry’s voice, using the same nickname

Rick has for Ed, “Linda told me she got this phone call from
someone up here in Missoula saying they didn’t know if they
should call or not, but they wanted me to know you had been
killed. Kicked by a cow in the head, Linda said they told her.
When I heard that, I just about went to pieces.”

“Who woulda called her?” Ed asked.
“No one. Like a fool, I saved all your letters and she found

‘em. Figured out what was goin’ on between us and made up
that story to get back at me.”

“That’s when she musta called me, too,” Ed said. “Called

and said you’d been killed a few months earlier in a tractor
accident plowin’ a field. Said she was going through your things
and found my number. Said you’d mentioned me as an old friend
you used to rodeo with and she thought I might like to know of
your passing.”

Jerry’s voice came again. “She was mad as a hornet.

Demandin’ to know the whole story. I told her everything then.
She ranted and raved for about two hours and then said she

15

wanted me out of the house. I moved out and we got divorced
about a year later.”

Despite the mixed emotions he feels, Rick can’t help but

be moved by the situation that had torn Ed and Jerry apart.
Jerry’s wife must have really hated him to go that far. The men in
the other room continue. From the sound of it, it seems like they
are replaying the same conversation over and over as if trying to
convince themselves it’s really happening.

“Then, like ya told me last night, you come up here to sell

your dad’s place after he dies and, shit, you run into my daughter,
Becky, and her husband, Frankie, coming out of Spencer’s
Grocery,” Ed is saying. “How’d you know it was them?”

“From the pictures I seen a Becky. You showed ‘em to me

a couple a times when we was together, remember? You sure
was proud of her.”

“Still am,” Ed continues.
“Well, after we made our howdy do’s and all,” Jerry

continues, “I says I’m an old friend of your daddy’s and tells her
how sorry I was to hear of your passing. Damn, they looked at me
as if I had taken leave of my mind, and Becky says, ‘Daddy ain’t
dead. He’s livin’ up in the valley north of Missoula.’ Well, you know
the rest. The one thing they didn’t tell me about was Rick.”

Rick stiffens.

* * * *

“Are you gonna tell Becky and Frankie about us?” Rick

asked Ed as they drove in the truck behind the real estate agent’s
Cadillac on their way to see a small farm for sale in the valley.

“You gonna tell Stephen and Carla?” Ed shot back, a little

louder and more defensive than Rick expected.

“Well, they kinda already know,” Rick replied quietly. “I

mean they know I been takin’ their boy, Ben, up for riding
lessons, and I moved ma horse fifty miles away jist ta go trail
ridin’ with you. I been staying up there almost every weekend for
over a year. Fer God’s sakes. Yeah, they kinda figured it out.
Least ways they weren’t surprised when I said we was gonna try

16

and git a place together up in the valley.”

“Do they know ma name?” Ed looked uncomfortable.
“Yes, they know your damn name. Ed, look, I don’t want ya

to do anything that is gonna make ya squirm but…don ‘cha think
it’d be better with your kids for it to come from you? I mean, how
ya gonna explain quittin’ your job and movin’ in with a man up
near the mountain? Or was ya plannin’ on keepin’ me a secret?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it. I don’t want to lose you like I did Jerry

for not standin’ up to the truth. I’ll do it…maybe next month.”

“Ed!”
“All right, shit, all right. You win! I’ll do it tomorrow!”
Rick laughed. Ed shook his head but in the end he had

laughed, too.

* * * *

“Don’t they know about you and Rick?” Jerry asks.
“Oh yeah, they know. I finally told ‘em. Rick kinda shamed

me into it. I kinda skipped over the part about how we was
intimate and all. They didn’t need to know that. But they kinda
figured it out when they come up to see the place. Big mouth
Rick says, ‘No, that’s the guest room,’ when Becky’s little girl,
Jenny, asked if it was my bedroom. Since we only got two fuckin’
bedrooms, and no one’s sleepin’ in one of ‘em, and there’s only
one bed in the other one…well…I think they got the picture.”

“They’re not too happy about that part of it, then?”
“Don’t know whether they are or not. Never asked ‘em

and don’t intend to.”

“And you?” Jerry asks. “You okay with people knowing

now?”

There’s a wistful tone to the question. Rick knows why.

Ed’s fear of exposure led to their separation. He feels sorry for
Jerry despite the anxiety this conversation was causing him.

“Don’t rightly care one way or ‘nother. Nobody’s come

after us yet with baseball bats…so…” Ed chuckles. “I guess I’m
okay with it. Jerry, I’m so sorry I was scared of people knowin’
when we was…”

17

He breaks off. As if to change the subject, he says, “I still

can’t believe it. Can’t believe I can be standing here holdin’ ya in
ma arms agin. I shore have missed ya, Jerry Taylor.”

That’s more than Rick can take. He holds his breath, tries

to muster up some courage and a gracious acceptance of the
inevitable, but it’s too much too ask. His world is crashing down
around him. He walks to the doorway to the living room and sees
Jerry and Ed locked in an embrace.

“Excuse me,” he says with a steely tone to his voice,

trying valiantly to control his emotions. “I jist came down to see
how ya was doin’…and I see you’re doin’ jist fine.”

Ed and Jerry break apart, startled at the sound of Rick’s

voice.

“Rick,” Ed starts, “Rick, wait you gotta hear this—”
Rick cuts across him. “I heard and seen enough for one

mornin’.”

He pushes past the men, ignoring both their pleas to listen

to what they have to say. He heads out to the barn, pulls the still
saddled Shadow out of his stall, and gallops off toward the
mountain, leaving Ed in his dust running after him, calling his name.

* * * *

By the time Rick reaches the cabin he’s calmed down. He

dismounts and leads Shadow into the barn. He’s ridden hard up
the mountain and the summer heat has caused them both to
sweat. He unsaddles the gray gelding and leads him to the wash
stall. There he sprays lukewarm water over the sweaty animal,
raising a white foam of dissolved salts from his body. He wipes
the water from Shadow’s back and sides with a sweat scraper
and walks him into his stall, where Rick feeds him some hay and
begins to groom the horse as he eats.

It’s gonna be okay, he thinks. I always knew Jerry was his

first and truest love. He never made no issue about keepin’ that
from me. Now he’s back. I’ll get over this.

Rick leans his head against his horse’s shoulder.
“No, I won’t! If I lose ‘im, it’ll never be the same,” he says

18

out loud, fighting to maintain his composure and not spill the
tears that threaten to leak from his eyes and roll down his
cheeks. Shadow turns his head to Rick and tries to nuzzle him.

Rick hears a horse. He quickly wipes his face, puts the

brushes away, and heads out into the sunlight. Ed is just
dismounting.

“Rick—”
“I understand, Ed…I really do. Jerry’s back and I

understand. I always knew where I stood with Jerry and you, so I
truly do understand.” He holds up his hands, palms toward Ed,
and looks away.

“No, you don’t,” Ed starts.
“Yeah, yeah, I do.” Rick tries to sound casual. He turns

and walks toward the cabin so as not to let Ed see the pain on
his face, the tears that have returned. “So, it’s okay. I…” He
continues to walk away.

“Rick…Rick…God damn it. Rick! Listen to me!” Ed

crosses the space between them in two strides. He grabs Rick
by the shoulder and spins him around. Eyes full of concern and
love hold Rick’s. “He’s got a partner!”

Rick’s mouth slowly opens in surprise.
“A what?”
“Jerry’s got a partner. He’s moved on, just like I did. When

he found out I was alive, he jist came to find me ta see me once
more and well…get the past in the past.” Ed smiles a sad but
reassuring smile. “You don’t go back, you know.”

Rick stares at Ed for a full minute, trying to comprehend

what he’s just heard. He looks at the face he loves so much, the
deep brooding eyes, the wry smile, the crinkles around the
mouth. “Oh,” he whispers sheepishly.

Ed kisses him, turns him around, and begins walking him

to the house with an arm over his shoulder.

“You get yerself in there and take a shower. You stink! I’m

gonna put Red up and I’ll be right in to join ya.” He swats Rick on
the butt to send him on his way.

Rick turns and stands on the top step of the porch,

watching as Ed walks back to the paint horse standing patiently

19

where Ed left him. Rick leans against the roof post, shaking his
head and smiling. It’s been quite an eighteen hours.

Ed picks up the reins and leads the horse toward the

barn. He catches sight of Rick on the porch and calls over his
shoulder, “Oh, yeah, Jerry’s guy? Name’s Richard, too, just like
you. Ain’t that a hoot! We both got us a Dick! Now git, we got us
some serious making up to do.”

Rick turns to the cabin, laughing, and hears Ed’s laughter

as well.

All will be well on the mountain once more.

THE END

ABOUT TERRY O’REILLY

Terry O’Reilly is a retired school teacher living a quiet life

in the Midwest with his three dogs and his horse. He began
writing several years ago at the urging of a friend and fellow
author. He has books available through several publishers,
including Amber Allure Press, Aspen Mountain Press, eXcessica
Publishing, and JMS Books LLC. Writing has become an
important part of his life, allowing him to explore his own
thoughts, needs, and feelings, as well as learn about other
cultures and eras as he researches his stories.

ABOUT JMS BOOKS LLC

Founded in 2010, JMS Books LLC is owned and operated

by author J.M. Snyder. We publish a variety of genres, including
gay erotic romance, fantasy, young adult, poetry, and nonfiction.
Short stories and novellas are available as e-books and
compiled into single-author print anthologies, while any story
over 30k in length is available in both print and e-book formats.
Visit us at

jms-books.com

for our latest releases and submission

guidelines!