MAJOR VENTURE and the
MISSING SATELLITE
By CHARLES E. FRITCH
All the World loves a hero, but when
everybody tried to get into the act, the hero
backed off to a world of his own!
famous and for which each had been
OE STALLING relaxed behind
J
awarded the honorary rank of Space
the controls of his convertible
Eagle, the highest award that could
space cruiser as it leaped through the
be made by the Boy Scouts of Sol.
space Earth and peered with a mild
Joe Stalling's small eyes sparkled
degree of interest through his hom-
behind the thick-lensed glasses, and
rimmed glasses at the white-grey
he smiled through a cloud of smoke.
surface of the Moon coming to meet
With the four Venturemen away, it
him.
would be easy. All he'd have to do
It was like a mass of thick, dirty
was avoid any traps they had left
dough, an unpalatable place for all
behind to embarrass intruders, and
but the four persons who lived there,
then he'd be set for life. No more
and Joe Stalling sat watching it grow
detecting for him after that. He had
in the forward window and puffed
always had a private eye bent in the
contemplative clouds of smoke at it
direction of making money, and he
from the curved pipe he held firmly
had hit upon a stunt that was sure-
between tight, colorless lips.
fire. All it took was a little courage
An ordinary man might have been
and a lot of brass, and Joe was
frightened, if not of the bleak
convinced he had them in those
desolation of the Moon itself, at least
proportions.
of the four who made it their home
He made his landing with a
of Sam Galileo and his three
predetermined insolence, stopping
companions who were not entirely
before the very doors of the citadel
human. But Joe Stalling was not an
he was to invade. For a minute he
ordinary man. He was a detective, a
sat there, puffing on his S-curved
man used to facing danger, and he
pipe, surveying the rusting,
was confident that he could bluff his
rectangular structure that leaned
way out of the situation if the four
slightly to one side. It had tilted early
were there.
in its life, and the defect had not
But the four were not there. Joe
been corrected by the Venturemen,
Stalling knew that because he was a
who saved face by claiming they had
friend of Abner Burney, the Marshal
intended it that way for their own
of the Planet Patrol, who was a
secret purpose Joe flipped the
friend of Major Venture and the
fishbowl lid of his spacesuit into
three non-human inhabitants of the
place, and immediate black clouds of
satellite, and with a little patience and
smoke filled the inside of the plastic
a few atomic beers most any secret
bubble. He quickly adjusted a knob
could be pried from the good
on his suit, and the smoke cleared
Marshal. Joe knew the four were
away. Joe Stalling breathed in the
away on some alien world, doing the
freshened air, satisfied that the
good deeds for which they were
1
smoke smoke from the pipe still in of the Venturemen. Ordinarily, one
his mouth would be carried away would expect electric eyes,
quickly and efficiently and fresh air recorders, electronic barriers. But
substituted. And now he was ready. this was something the average
person would not be prepared for.
Even the detective would not have
E OPENED the door, and the
H
known of it had he not pried the
air rushed out in a swift gush
information from Abner Burney, who
that blew white-powdered dust
with Jane Crandall was one of Major
upward. He clambered from the
Venture's few close friends.
spaceship, his movements clumsy
His feet made deep impressions
from the bulky spacesuit and the light
in the flour as he crossed it
gravity. He was a detective, not a
unhesitatingly. What did it matter if a
spaceman, and the forced clumsiness
record of his footprints were left?
annoyed him to the extent that he
No one would ever find it. Laughing
puffed furiously at the curved pipe
as if at a private joke, he went into
and felt doubly annoyed when the
the laboratory.
conditioning unit labored in its efforts
The laboratory took up most of
to clear the helmet.
the Space in the structure, and
Joe Stalling went to the doorway
machines and lab benches and
of the tilted structure and found that
bottled chemicals took up much of
the door was locked. He rang the
the space in the laboratory. Joe
doorbell, glancing in quiet amusement
Stalling ignored the chemical part of
at the unworn Welcome mat at his
the lab and turned his attention to the
feet. Of course no one answered,
machines.
and he would have been greatly
He knew just what he was
surprised if someone had; it was just
looking for, but there were so many
a formality. He waited a moment
machines that the finding of it was
and then he drew out his service
not easy. At last he pulled it from a
blaster and knocked the door in with
cobwebbed corner, blew dust from it,
a bolt of energy. Replacing the
and with a cry of exultation held it in
blaster, he walked in and stumbled
the sunlight streaming through a
over the first of the Venturemen's
window.
traps. Joe didn't bother to replace the
It looked like an ordinary two-
tin cans which had fallen from the
celled flashlight, except there were
string stretched across the doorway.
hundreds of minute buttons
He went on and encountered the
embedded in one side of the cylinder.
second barrier, a wide band of flour
His hands itched as his fingers
spread before the inner door.
brushed the buttons, but he forced
Joe Stalling paused for a moment
himself to be cautious, to recall the
in deep admiration for the ingenuity
2
operation of the machine as he had, "Hot ziggity," said Ergo the
read it from the supposedly secret android, peering from a window at
files in the Planet Patrol office files the green planet. "It'll be great to be
from which even Marshal Burney home, to see Earth women again."
was barred. "Bah!" Crab the robot's heavy
He pointed the thing at a huge lab voice boomed into the stillness of the
bench in one comer of the room, control room. "That's all you think
pressed buttons with infinite about. And you are an android!" He
precision. A shaft of light sliced out glared at Ergo.
and cut the bench neatly in half. He "Maybe if you were even a little
pressed more buttons. The ray human," Ergo accused, "you'd have
stabbed out again, but this time the some affection for such things."
two sections rejoined, welded into a To the uninitiated, it was a
solid piece as before. remarkable thing to watch Ergo talk,
Behind his thick-lensed glasses, or even to watch him listen. When
Joe Stalling's eyes glinted in wild he was accidentally created in the
triumph, and clouds of exultant Moon laboratory by Major Venture's
smoke poured from the pipe in his father who was trying to mix a
helmet. bromo seltzer but got hold of the
He ran from the room. In a few wrong chemicals, several minor
minutes he was aloft in space, the mistakes had been made in Ergo's
top of his convertible space cruiser construction. His vocal chords, for
down. He banked sharply, and one thing, were located close to his
pointed the cylinder. A ray of light ears, with the result that he used his
leaped out, and a long vertical crack ears for talking instead of listening,
appeared in the Moon's surface. He and they flapped like lips opening and
played the light horizontally, and closing when he talked. In order to
another crack came. hear, the android had to leave his
Laughing between teeth firmly mouth open to collect the sounds,
clenched on his pipe, Joe Stalling and often his attentiveness was
headed for Earth. Behind him, the understandably mistaken for open-
Moon had split into four pieces. mouthed bewilderment.
"At least," wailed the robot, who
resented any implication that he had
EVERAL days later the
S not human feelings, "I wasn't born in
Orange Peel  the
a vat of messy, smelly chemicals."
Venturemen's spaceship returned
"Aw, your mudder's a garbage
to the Earth orbit. It was called the
can," Ergo retorted uncharitably.
Orange Peel because it was painted
Actually, Crab's mother was an
a deep orange and resembled an
erector set, but the dig hit home.
orange peel.
3
"Sam," the robot's electronic eyes "Those veil dancers on Alpha
pleaded with the only human of the Centauri were really hot stuff,
four. "Sam, make him stop." weren't they?"
"Okay, you two," the Earthman "Indeed, they were, Samuel,"
said, "shaddup!" Simon answered metallically.
Sam Galileo, known to the "Almost makes me wish I were
universe as Major Venture, turned to human again."
the brain, Simon Simple.
The Prodigal Son --------------------------------------
VER since Captain Future went to his reward on the special asteroids
Ereserved for space rovers, there have been loud lamentations from
faithful fans who wanted him resuscitated, or at least anthologized.
We have so far resisted these blandishments on the grounds that a
revival of Cap Future would be a movement back toward the Ice Age of
science fiction don't throw that! But anyway have a look at Major
Venture. You may detect certain resemblances, certain familiarities to
someone you know. And we'll be disappointed if you don't get a chuckle or
two out of his misadventures.
 The Editor
-------------------------------------------------------------------
been Simon's home ever since.
IMON SIMPLE had once
S
Refinements had been added
been a human, like Sam. But
during the years  things such as
that was a long time ago, before he
tentacle-eyes and retractor beams
had gotten his tie caught in that
 but Simon Simple was still a bit
electronic glasswasher at the saloon
self-conscious about his
where he worked. The results might
unsophisticated container. However,
have been catastrophic had not Sam
as Sam Galileo pointed out, it had
Galileo's father stopped by for a
been a handy disguise when they
quick one. Almost without thinking,
were tracking down the root beer
the elder Galileo had operated on
runners in that Alpha Centauri
Simon Simple, whom he had
saloon. Messy, but handy, and Simon
stretched out on the bar, and quickly
was consoled.
removed the man's brain with a
"Yes," Sam sighed, "it'll seem
forked stirring stick from a Tom
good to get back to the shack again."
Collins. Not certain of what to do
He shook his head decisively, and his
with the soggy mass, he had thrust it
red-thatched toupee wobbled
into a nearby cuspidor, which had
4
precariously. The hair, once a blazing The Orange Peel flipped through
scarlet, had faded, and portions of space, circling the planet.
the material beneath shone through "For Pete's sake, chief," Ergo
in embarrassing patches. Only the said, looking through the window,
Venturemen knew that Sam Galileo, "we must be in the wrong place.
Major Venture, wore a toupee, and That's not Earth."
they were sworn to an unalterable "Don't be a shmoe," Sam Galileo
secrecy. snapped. "Of course it's Earth."
Crab the robot moaned. "These "Look at it," insisted the android.
feet are killing me," he said. He sank "There's too much water."
into a chair and reached down with They looked. There was too
long metallic arms and detached both much water. In fact, the planet was
his feet. "I'll be glad to get into my almost flooded.
comfortable pair back at the shack." "Look." Crab's metal finger
"You're getting old," Ergo's ears pointed to the tip of the planet, where
accused. "Another year and we'll a flare's glow shot skyward.
have to sell you by the pound." "The signal," Simon said, his voice
"Is that so!" the robot demanded hollow in the cuspidor. "Earth is in
angrily. danger. We've got to see Abner
He made threatening gestures Burney at once!"
with his hands and, forgetting he had "I can't," Sam protested. "Not in
no feet, rose to grab the android. He this ragged toupee."
missed and fell flat on his metal face. "But, Sam, Earth may be  "
Ergo danced away, laughing, and "We're going to the Moon first,"
raced into a wall. From the floor, the man returned stubbornly.
Crab's laugh was last and best. Simon shrugged, and the Orange
Sam Galileo peered into space, Peel zoomed through space. But
and his features took on a puzzled after a few minutes, Sam looked at
look. "Simon, where's the Moon? his companions, in bewilderment.
According to your figures it should "Something's crazy here," he said
be right ahead of us." in consternation. "It's not here. The
Simon Simple looked as sheepish Moon's gone!"
as was possible for a cuspidor. "You
know I was never much good at
BNER BURNEY, Marshal of
A
mathematics," he said by way of
the Planet Patrol, nervously
apology.
paced the floor of his office on the
"Well," Sam said, impressed by
eighty-sixth floor, just three floors
his own logic, "it's got to be here
above the water level in the city. He
somewhere. Let's go around to the
had hair like wisps of cotton, a face
other side of Earth."
of burned, wrinkled leather, and a
2
drooping, shaggy mustache beneath tried to pull her skirt down, but
a long nose. accidentally raised it another inch.
"Why doesn't he come," he It was about time the old fool
complained. "He must have seen the noticed, she thought furiously. Sure
signal, and flares cost money. I wish she had nice legs. Wasn't she once
he'd get here." voted by the Retired Spacemen and
"Hold your jets, Abe," Jane Old Age Survivors League as "the
Crandall advised. She hoisted her girl they'd most like to see stranded
chubby body onto a desk and on Sagittarius?" The wording had
carelessly crossed her legs. "I'm just always confused her, but she
as anxious for him to get here as you consoled herself that the old deurs
are." had meant well.
"Don't call me Abe!" Burney Abner Burney's grizzled face
dropped into a chair and morosely brightened. "I think I hear Crab's
studied her p
lump legs. "If anybody metal feet thumping on the floor
can do anything about this Moon outside. At last Major Venture's
business and the water, Major here."
Venture can." Jane Crandall squirmed excitedly
Jane Crandall was always happy on the desktop. She patted a
to hear praise for Sam Galileo, for wayward strand of wiry hair into
the pedestal-raising served as a place and quickly surveyed her
rationalization every time she asked white-washed face in a pocket
herself why she hadn't trapped him mirror. Then she put on her best
by this time. After all, what girl smile and fluttered her eyelashes at
wouldn't go for a man with such the open doorway.
glorious curly hair. She wanted to "Abner! Jane!" Major Venture
give her best impression now when said enthusiastically. "It's good to see
he did arrive. She had rowed all the you again."
way from her home to the Behind him trailed the heavy-
Administration Building that housed footed Crab, the open-mouthed Ergo,
the Planet Patrol Headquarters  and the cuspidored Simon who
rowed all the way despite a tight floated several feet off the floor.
girdle and eyebrows that wouldn't "You came just in time," Abner
stick in the dampness. But a man Burney said, warmly clasping Sam
worth trapping, she reminded herself, Galileo's hand. "We were running out
is worth going through hell for. of dry flares."
"You have nice legs," Abner
Burney noticed aloud.
AM sat down, ignoring Jane
"Really!" she said, blushing a little S
Crandall's fluttering eyelashes.
and pretending to be indignant. She
"Sorry we're late. We  " He
3
grinned self-consciously. "It sounds "First, though," Burney said ,
crazy, but we couldn't find the "there's someone I'd like you to
Moon." meet." He pressed a button on his
Abner Burney's cottoned head desk. "One of the best detectives in
nodded gravely. "It's gone, Sam. the Planet Patrol. He was anxious to
Disappeared." help, and I figured he might come in
"What?" handy."
Major Venture half-rose in They looked to the doorway as a
surprise. Crab had started to remove short, thin man with a pale face and
his aching feet, but had stopped, thick, hom-rimmed glasses entered.
stunned by the news. Ergo's ears Between the tight lines of his lips he
hung open in astonishment. Only the had a curved pipe upon which he
cuspidor seemed unmoved. puffed with casual and infinite
The Marshal nodded again regularity.
"Happened only a few days ago. The "Major Venture," Abner Burney
Moon cracked right down the middle, said proudly, "I'd like you to meet Joe
then across. Split into four pieces, Stalling."
and then it disappeared. Then the
water started rising here on Earth."
ITH Ergo at the controls, the
W
Crab said in dismay, "My
Orange Peel skimmed the
comfortable pair of feet are up
surface of the raised water. The
there."
eight of them Jane Crandall had
"And my best tou  " Sam
insisted upon going along  cast
Galileo began, but then he stopped
about for theories to solve the
and looked at Jane Crandall who
problem.
was curiously studying his ragged
"I think," Joe Stalling said through
hair. He got up and began pacing to
a thick cloud of smoke, "that the
present a moving target to her
Moon just got so old that it cracked
glances.
up, and the resulting disbalance of
He said, "We've got to find the
forces caused the water to rise.
pieces. There are a lot of valuable
About the only thing we can do is to
things in the shack," and his three
vacate the planet."
friends echoed the sentiment.
"Ninety percent of the people
"We've got to do something about
have already done that," Abner
Earth first," Abner Burney said,
Burney said. "Gone to Mars and to
"before it's all under water.
Venus and the Asteroids. But that
"We'll do all we can, Abner,"
doesn't solve the problem here."
Major Venture said, laying a
Sam nodded. "Anyway, for once
fraternal hand on the Marshal's
we can forget about a personal
shoulder.
villain behind this. It must be natural
4
phenomena, no person could do that, cuspidor's metallic voice.
unless  " His eyes narrowed at a "Oh," Sam Galileo said
strange thought. thoughtfully, wondering what on
Abner leaned forward. "Unless Earth for.
what?" Joe Stalling edged over to where
"I was going to say, unless he had the brain-filled cuspidor was busy
the Thingamabob." with its calculations. While he was
"Thingamabob?" Abner Burney pretending interest in the procedure,
scratched his head. he blew an apparently accidental
"A little device we didn't know cloud of smoke into the brain's lens-
what to name, so we called it the eyes and with a swift motion pressed
Thingamabob. It looks like a several numbers on the calculating
flashlight, but it can slice through, machine, which registered the digits
weld together, attract or repulse any with silent precision.
mass at which it's pointed." "A fine thing," Jane Crandall was
Abner Burney whistled. "You pouring her troubles onto an
think  " unsympathetic Crab, "here I am
Sam shrugged. "I think it's young and beautiful, with a
possible. A man could've stolen it, wonderful figure, all alone with a
sliced the moon into pieces and bunch of eligible men, and what
dragged the satellite off to some happens?" Disgusted, she supplied
distant part of the universe." the word herself: "Nothing."
"Except that it's too fantastic," Crab had no sympathy for her.
Joe Stalling said. "Why should His feet hurt. He had loosened them,
anyone want to do that?" but he was uncertain of the propriety
"Maybe for a souvenir," Abner of taking them off in the midst of so
suggested jokingly. much company. He didn't want Ergo
Joe Stalling silently puffed a to taunt him for his lack of manners.
furious smoke message into the air. "Sam!" the brain's voice came
"What are you doing, Simon?" from the calculating machine. "Sam,
Major Venture asked the brain. look at This!"
The cuspidor hovered over a They crowded about him,
silent calculating machine, and its wonderingly.
retractor beams darted at intervals to "The amount of water," Simon
the keys beneath. The machine cried excitedly, "is exactly the
made noiseless movements, amount that could be displaced by
presenting figures through a small the Moon."
rectangular window. Major Venture's eyes lit with a
"I'm figuring the amount of water wild light, as insight came. He said,
that has risen, Samuel," came the "Do you realize what this means?
5
The pieces of the Moon must have "You and Crab stay in here with
fallen into the ocean someplace and the ship," Sam Galileo ordered Ergo.
as a result raised the water!" "The rest of you get into spacesuits."
Behind his dark-rimmed glasses, Anxiously they complied. It was
Joe Stalling's eyes closed. His teeth Jane who, being a woman, first
clenched the pipe like a vise, and noticed that a man was missing.
slowly he counted to ten. Simon "Where's that Joe  Joe
wasn't too good at mathematics, and whatsisname?"
he must have made an error in his Ergo's voice answered, puzzled,
original figures. The detective as the android peered through a
groaned inwardly. In trying to throw porthole. "He's outside," he said, his
the Ventureman off, Joe Stalling had voice-ears flapping frantically. The
depressed keys that had corrected voice turned to panic. "Chief, he's
the error! got the Thingamabob!"
Sam Galileo's face turned pale.
"What? Then he's the one who's
HE ORANGE PEEL slid
T behind it. He's been trying to throw
swiftly across the ocean
us off all along." He added
bottom searching for a sunken
thoughtfully, "I wondered why
fragment of Moon. Tension had
Simon's calculations were right, all of
mounted at Sam Galileo's revelation,
a sudden."
and everyone crowded about
"I never was very good at
portholes to gaze into the murky
mathematics," Simon Simple
water lit by the rocket ship's
apologized.
sweeping beams.
They were interrupted as a beam
Everyone, that is, except Joe
from the Thingamabob sliced through
Stalling. The detective sat brooding
in one comer of the spaceship- the hull of the Orange Peel, splitting
it in two and pouring in a torrent of
turned-submarine and puffed into the
water which scattered the
atmosphere. Instinctively, he felt his
inhabitants about the ocean floor.
plans going swiftly and certainly
Crab l on the feet he was
anded
awry, for he knew they couldn't help
suddenly glad he had only loosened
but bump into something as large as
and not taken off. The robot started
a Moon-fragment.
forward, but his movements were
Sam Galileo's triumphant cry,
slow, then slower. With a shock he
"There it is," stirred the detective to
realized that he hadn't oiled himself
action. While the others were busy
in some time, and he knew why
with the discovery, he swiftly donned
Major Venture had wanted him to
a space-suit and, with the
stay in the ship: the water was
Thingamabob clutched tightly in his
beginning to rust his joints!
hand went through the airlock.
6
"Ergo, the oil can," he wailed.
AM GALILEO ducked as a
S
"I'm having troubles of my own, "
beam of light stabbed through
the android complained, and bubbles
the water toward him, but he fell,
flitted from his ears as he talked.
and his toupee slipped down over his
"The chemicals in my body are
face. He couldn't reach it through
dissolving in the water!"
the bubble headpiece, and the water
Even as he said it, Ergo's body
churned as he shook his head
was thin, almost transparent. "Sam,"
violently in a vain effort to shove
he cried. "Sam, what'll I do?"
aside the hairpiece that blinded him.
Sam Galileo's spacesuited figure
"Simon," he said helplessly, "I
came into sight. "Quick, Ergo, crawl
can't see."
into Crab's left ear. Don't argue
But the cuspidor hovered at bay
now. Just do it."
with the Thingamabob now turned in
Ergo thought the idea was idiotic,
its direction. He wondered where
but he was too desperate to argue,
Abner Burney and Jane Crandall
he did it. And surprised himself that
were.
a full-size android could have
"Crab," he shouted, "do
crawled into such a small place.
something."
"What's left on your body is
The robot was having a hard time
completely pliable from the water,"
moving at all, but with a desperate
Major Venture explained. "And now,
effort he kicked out with his right
Crab, put your index finger in your
leg. A loosened foot detached itself
ear."
and sailed through the water in a
With much creaking, Crab did as
graceful arc that terminated upon
he was told, trapping Ergo's
meeting Joe Stalling's helmet.
chemicals safely in his ear where the
"Good shot," Simon cried
water couldn't get at them.
jubilantly.
"They'll be okay, Samuel," the
The helmet cracked beneath the
brain said, floating a few feet away.
weight of the robot's metal foot. As
"Let's get Stalling."
the water rushed in, a surprised look
Sam nodded, but they didn't have
came over Joe Stalling's face and his
to go far. A few yards away the
pipe went out.
detective was waiting for them, a
With a tremendous sneeze and a
glint in his eyes, an insolent curl of
shake of his head, Major Venture
smoke drifting from the pipe in his
had managed to send his toupee
bubble helmet, and the Thingamabob
flying to a more normal position
poised, ready in his hand.
within the bubble of his headpiece.
"Samuel, watch out," Simon cried.
With a quick motion, he grabbed
Simon and shoved the cuspidor down
over the head of the drowning
7
detective. and I were talking while he had his
Simon started to protest. "But, head inside my cus  er  brain
Samuel, I'm upside down  " case. You know, his ideas aren't bad
"We can't let him drown," Sam at all. After all, the Moon wasn't of
told the brain. "He'll be safe in there much use to anybody anyway, and
until we get him back in the Orange we could always build an artificial
Peel." one. Be more sanitary, too."
"But it's cracked in half." Sam Galileo turned pale. His
Sam stooped, picked up the upside-down position must have
Thingamabob, and patted it unbalanced Simon.
affectionately. "You forget. This can Ergo had come out of Crab's ear,
take eare of that little difficulty." a hardened mold of chemicals. "You
And it did. A few brief flashes of know, Sam," the mold said, "Crab
light and the Orange Peel was as and I never realized before what
good as new. The rusty Crab, with talents we've got. We thought up a
Ergo still in his ear, was carried terrific idea for a vaudeville act.
aboard, followed by Joe Stalling with Sounds like a great idea, doesn't it?"
Simon's cuspidor over his head. Major Venture hardly heard the
Sam found Abner Burney and chemical mold that had the android's
Jane Crandall a short distance away, voice. He suddenly had the strangest
incapacitated by a freak accident. desire to walk quietly to the nearest
The blast of the Thingamabob had wall and bang his head against it to
thrown them together and fused their make certain that both were real.
helmets into a single bubble, so that "I'll wake up when I get home,"
they resembled Siamese twins joined he told himself.
at the head. Sam took them aboard Dazed, he settled in the control
the Orange Peel, relieved them of chair, mechanically pulled levers, and
their predicament, and apologized for with a sickening rush the Orange
his tardiness. Peel shot upward.
"That's okay," Jane said, blushing
and clinging to Abner's hand. "I
EARS passed.
Y
didn't mind."
The firm of Simple and Stalling
Abner Burney giggled hoarsely.
prospered with sales made to all
"Wasn't bad at all," he said through a
parts of this galaxy and others. The
lipstick-covered mustache.
Moon was now a rare thing, a relic
Poor fellow, Sam thought, he's
of the past, and watch fobs,
got blood all over his mouth. He
bookends, and other souvenirs made
turned to the brain. "How about you,
from it sold easily.
Simon, you okay?"
The comedy team of Ergo and
"Fine," the brain said. "Joe Stalling
Crab became an immediate
8
sensation, and for many years the centuries away. But some people
Palace in Venus City rocked with think differently.
laughter at their antics. Crab became They quote, for example, the
quite adept at kicking his feet instance of a beachcomber on
through hoops held some distance Mercury whose red toupee, frizzled
away by a pretty Venusian girl clad by long hours in the Mercurian sun,
in a brief costume, while Ergo's bears a remarkable resemblance to
specialty was a disappearing act in a Major Venture's scarlet curls. He is
tank of water in full view of the a short, paunchy man whose teeth
audience; later, of course, he was have long since been melted away
filtered off and remolded. by the radioactive liquors served in
The newlyweds, Abner Burney Mercurian saloons. He has no desire
and Jane Crandall Burney, were to hear news from any place in the
quite satisfied with the Simple- solar system, especially of Earth and
Stalling artificial moon (model 3A), its antiseptic moon, and every time
declaring that it had the same effects he sees an Earth woman or gazes at
as the old, unsanitary one; they one of the saloon's cuspidors, he
stated that on their honeymoon they shudders at some nearly-forgotten
didn't notice any difference in it. Or memory. Some people say this is
in anything. significant.
As for Major Venture he just
disappeared, and the general notion But of course it's merely
is that he's probably fighting right speculation.
now on some alien planet many light-
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