NANCY ETCHEMENDY WEREWIFE WONDERING WHY MY IN-LAWS always seem to visit during the full moon, I serve the pate. Am I cursed or merely lucky? "Oh, thank you, Tatty dear," says Edna, my husband's mother. She loads a cracker and inserts it tidily into her bright mouth. "Oh, my. Are you sure this is vegetarian? It tastes like meat." Tarry dear? Is she addressing me, Tatiana, the fierce, the wayward? What impertinence is this? I try to raise my eyebrows, but a tiny twitch is all I manage. Inexplicably, I can't find the right muscles. A warm smile startles me, flicking naturally across my face almost as if I have nothing to do with it. I know in times past I've had to force such expressions, but at this moment I can't seem to recall when, or even exactly why. A slight nervous tremor begins in my fingertips. "Don't worry, Mom. The recipe's straight from the Vegan Solidarity Cookbook. Not a hint of animal protein, I promise you," I answer. This is not at all what I intended to say. Moreover, my voice emerges from my throat sweet and clear, as wholesome as homemade butter, flawless as Shasta daisies embroidered on cotton pillow cases, smooth as polished furniture. Someone in my heart, not Tatty, is growling gleefully, "Of course it tastes like meat. It's loaded with rare liver and other delicious entrails." That's right, isn't it? How could I have forgotten? I glance through the open doorway at the kitchen counter, surprisingly orderly and clean, arrayed with spotless, sharp knives. I see a bottle of virgin olive oil backlit with late afternoon sun, a hundred walnut shells, broken in pieces -- no sign of bloody juice or greasy scraps. I wonder if I am frowning. I feel as if I should be. "Scrumptious, Miss Tatty," says Jack, my father-in-law. "You know, I'm not exactly a dyed-in-the-wool vegetarian. I keep hoping Mom will fall back into her former evil ways..." and here he winks at Edna, "...but this is damn good. No meat? I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Roger's a lucky man. I think we'll keep you. Great apron, incidentally, darlin'." I look down at myself. I am wearing a dahlia-print apron with ruffles. How astonishing! I have to dive deep into neglected memories to dredge up the fact that Edna bought this abomination for me at a church bazaar two years ago. I thought I had safely hidden it in the darkest comer of our largest closet. I would rather die than be seen in it, yet here I am, using it to harvest approval from Edna and Jack. Do they have any idea who their son really married? "Oh," I say, "glad you like it." Tatty, you fool. What on earth are you doing? And Tatty replies, I am leading a normal life, if you don't mind. A normal, happy life! Happy? As conspicuous as the apron are my arms, bereft of the bracelets that ought to adorn them, gold and silver, jingling like bells, studded with colorful stones. Who has taken my jewelry away? What is happening here? I am beginning to feel rather odd. Our children run into the room. Todd is eleven, and his sister Danielle is eight. They have been outside playing, and are breathless and rosy with exertion. Dark mud smears Todd's T-shirt. Danielle smells sweetly of little girl sweat. What brilliant, lively beings. How I adore them! I want to swoop down on them with kisses and hugs, but my arms are full of crackers and walnut pate and will not do my bidding. "I'm starved. What's for dinner, Mom?" says Todd. I feel the longings of his hungry young body as if they were my own. I know what he needs. Huge hunks of half-cooked beef. Thick giblet gravy on potatoes whipped with heavy cream. Black beer with raw eggs in it. God save us from vegetables. "Almond lasagna with zucchini in garlic and olive oil," I say in words like little rays of sunshine. "I think you'll like it." I think he'll hate it, but what can I do? His grandmother believes that animal protein is killing her. Who is more important here, an old woman or our children? Of course there are things we can do. We can suggest that Edna go to hell, for example. Tatiana, don't fuck with my life. Tatiana, I'm warning you. Whose life, I am asking? Consider this matter carefully. I have to shake my head to clear it. Outside, the sun is setting and I feel a frightening, familiar drop in the temperature of my blood. Get away, Tarry. You have no business here. "Tatty, do you let them run around this way? Filthy and sweaty? Children, we'll be having dinner soon. You're in no condition to sit down at the table with us," says Edna, a glass of white wine halfway to her lips. How dare she? They are my jubilation! The loves of my existence. Doesn't she understand the profound joy of sweat? After she and Jack made their own son, and she lay dreaming of his tiny fingers and toes already forming in her womb, did she smell like lilies of the valley, or like a woman, satisfied and moist? My mouth moves. "Grammy's right. Go and clean up. Showers wouldn't hurt." Good mother. Good wife. Poor good Tatty, I murmur inside myself. And in response, like the sudden flash of claws, oh no, I do not want your pity, Tatiana. I am not poor. We are happy, and you will ruin us. If they find out who we really are, they will hate us. For God's sake, hide! You've got it wrong, Tatty. You are mining us. All you know how to do is martyr yourself, sacrifice your desires, and the price is always too high. The children back away, watching me, wide-eyed. They wonder what has become of their mother. Their insight is keen. They sense the disorder of this moment. I carry the pate into the kitchen. Edna and Jack follow me, perching on oak bar stools at the granite-topped island. Everything is unbearably beautiful. The cabinets gleam. The faucets sparkle. Outside, crickets sing in the purple twilight, and a wild green scent issues from the trees. My thighs ache pleasantly. I wish Roger were home. But what would I do if he were? Pull him into the bushes for five minutes of pleasure while his parents look on? Would he think I am crazy? Am I? The questions are moot. There is no time. The rising moon, a tiny slice of ivory light, appears above the eastern hills. During the next few moments, it will swell into a powerful, bulging ellipse. The hair along my spine stands erect, tickling, as if insects dance on my skin. I slice zucchini and garlic into a pan of hot oil. A delicious fragrance rises up from it. No, I'm mistaken. I don't care for zucchini. I don't care for it at all. Faint perspiration cools my upper lip. My deodorant seems to have stopped working, and something strange is happening to my scalp. Don't do this, I'm begging you. Look around at what we've got. You'll destroy it all. I'm no longer sure who's talking. I try with all my might to retreat from the stove, to grimace, but I can't. Concerted howls strangle and lie stillborn in my throat as the moon rises. Everything inside me rearranges itself; I can hear the creaks and groans, feel the movement of muscle and even bone. The force of the heavens is irresistible. The baby powder fragrance of deodorant returns in a powerful tide. "When will Roger be getting home? Shouldn't he be here by now?" says Edna. "Don't fret yourself, honey," says Jack. "That's right, Mom. He'll be walking in the door any minute now. It'll be perfect timing. You wait and see. I have an instinct for these things." Indeed I do. Turning the zucchini with a spatula, I hum a few bars of "Shine On Harvest Moon." Ivory light drifts through the kitchen window. Victory is mine. The transformation is complete. I chatter innocently and without concern, Tatty dear, the perfect wife, perfectly in control, at least on this night of the month.