Christmas is a time of hope and love, but with a guarded heart Ethan Reed refuses to let anyone get close. Until he meets Trevor Hayes�Ś

Doctor Ethan Reed’s life revolves around the hospital and his patients. Nothing will deter his commitment to his job; not even his new fellow, Trevor Hayes. Ethan is instantly attracted to the handsome doctor and the desire he feels isn’t one-sided.

Sparks fly, but a guarded Ethan shoves Trevor away, not realizing that what he really wants for Christmas is to be loved and regain the hope he’s lost. Can Trevor get through to him or will Ethan spend another Christmas alone?





Christmas Hopes


Anna Lee


mlrpress


www.mlrpress.com This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright 2012 by Anna Lee

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Published by

MLR Press, LLC

3052 Gaines Waterport Rd. Albion, NY 14411

Visit ManLoveRomance Press, LLC on the Internet: www.mlrpress.com

Cover Art by Deana C. Jamroz Editing by Kimberly Brandt

Ebook format ISBN# 978-1-60820-800-5

Issued 2012 This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher.





Chapter One


Making a note in his personal notepad, Ethan left the room and grabbed a chart as he passed the nurse’s station. He still had quite a few patients to see and was annoyed his new fellow had yet to show up for morning rounds. Trevor Hayes had come highly recommended and his colleagues at Ivy Memorial had only good things to say about him. Right now, Ethan was not impressed.

After scanning the chart, he closed it. He knew every child in this chronic illness and surgery unit, which consisted of the fourth floor of the children’s hospital, Hopes. He knew the children’s families and their illnesses as well. He cared for each of them; probably too much, as the losses often took their toll. He gave everything he had though, no matter the cost to him, as they deserved nothing less. If Trevor Hayes was not going to have the same commitment then he could very well find another hospital and doctor to learn from.

�ś Omph!” He barely held onto his chart as someone barreled into him. A firm chest hit his own and the person nearly fell back on his ass. Irritated, he studied the other man. Shoulder length chestnut locks made his fingers itch to run through them and feel their silkiness.

Where had that thought come from? He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the fellow. Hazel eyes filled with embarrassment were almost hidden behind large, wire-rimmed glasses. The man had boyish good looks, but had to be older than he appeared. His blue scrubs and doctor’s coat highlighted a dark beach tan Ethan could tell was natural rather than sprayed on. From the impact of their collision, Ethan knew the other man was lithe, trim, and in shape. Of course, one had to be fit when working fourteen hours on their feet. And damn, he was still staring wasn’t he? He knew better. He never crossed personal and professional lines. He’d learned not to the hard way. �śDoctor Hayes?”

�śYes, sir. That’s me.” Trevor pushed his glasses further up his nose and extended a hand.

Ethan gave Trevor’s hand a firm shake, ignoring the spark from the touch. �śYou’re late.”

�śThere was construction�"” Trevor started to explain, but Ethan held up his hand.

�śYou’re right, no excuse. I won’t be late again.”

�śSee that you’re not.” Ethan passed the chart to him. �śI have five other fellows who would jump off a bridge if I said so for the chance to work here.”

�śYes, of course. I’m honored to be here and grateful for the opportunity,” Trevor said in a rush. His cheeks flushed and Ethan looked away, quashing the thought that Trevor was cute when he was flustered. �śReally, I am. You won’t regret it, Doctor Reed. I promise.”

�śWe’ll see.” Ethan kept his mask in place and turned on his heel. �śLet’s get back to rounds. I have a surgery at two.” Trevor followed him into the room of their next patient. Casey Perkins was a nine year old with a bad case of bacterial pneumonia. She had a weak immune system from her genetic disorder, Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type IV, and they had been treating since yesterday. She would make a full recovery from the pneumonia in a few weeks, with the aid of antibiotics and rest. Casey was a little ray of sunshine with her bright smiles and never-give-up attitude. Seeing her reminded Ethan why he chose this career: to help kids who were resilient and full of life no matter what was thrown at them. �śCasey, how are you today?”

�śGood!” Casey brushed her long blonde hair behind her ear and gave him one of those smiles. �śMom says it’s up to you if I can go to the rec room later. Can I, please?” Casey’s voice was adorable and she gave him a wide-eyed look.

Ethan sat on the edge of her bed. Casey was tiny and frail, like a bird. Her condition made her fragile and she had to take it easy as fractures of her brittle bones could happen easily, especially when she was sick. He shared a look with her mom, Amanda, who was sitting in a chair by the bed. Casey looked exactly like Amanda, who never left her daughter’s side. �śWell, I think you would be okay for a little bit. I’ll make sure Mia gets a wagon and Mom can take you for a little while. But you need to eat all your breakfast and rest until then, deal?”

She held out her little hand and he touched it gently. �śDeal. We’re gonna make Christmas cards!” �śSounds like fun.” Ethan smiled at her and pulled out his notepad and pen from his coat pocket. �śSpeaking of, I got a request today from Santa to make a list of what you want him to bring you.”

�śYay! Can we write a letter?”

�śWe sure can.” Ethan passed the pad and pen to her. �śWould you like to do it?” �śUh huh.” Casey’s face scrunched up and she tried her best to write neatly, the IV in her hand making it difficult. He knew, though, with so much out of her control she liked being able to do something herself, and he wanted to give her the time too.

While he waited, he decided to introduce Trevor. �śAmanda, this is my new fellow, Doctor Hayes. He’ll be shadowing me from now on.”

�śIt’s nice to meet you.” Amanda stood and shook Trevor’s hand. �śAnd you.” Trevor gave her a charming grin then turned his attention to Casey. �śCasey, can I ask what you’re asking Santa for?”

�śA Rapunzel doll, colored pencils, and an iPad,” Casey listed off then scribbled some more.

�śOh very cool,” Trevor replied and Casey beamed. Since he needed to check on Casey, Ethan took the stethoscope from around his neck and listened to her chest. Her lungs were still crackling and bubbling, but her breathing wasn’t quite as labored. He gestured to Amanda, who helped Casey sit up a little more and he pressed the stethoscope to her back. He made a mental note to tell Trevor how gentle he had to be with her.

Slinging his stethoscope back around his neck he said, �śYou’re doing good, kiddo. We might need more x-rays later, okay?” �śSure.” Casey gave him the pad and pen back. �śCan I go home for Christmas?”

�śWe’re going to try and make that happen,” Ethan said, knowing he couldn’t make any promises.

Casey pouted. �śI miss my brother and my dog, Stewart.” �śI know you do.” Ethan tucked away the items. Thinking of something to cheer Casey up he snapped his fingers. �śTell you what �" I know he’s not Stewart, but Rosie might be bringing Chance by today. Would you like to see him?”

�śYes, please!”

�śOkay, I’ll talk to Rosie.” Ethan stood up.

�śYou’re the best!”

That made Ethan feel good and his bad mood from earlier vanished. Amanda was waiting to hear what he had to say, �śHer lungs are sounding better. The antibiotics are working; we just have to give them time.”

�śOf course.” Amanda stroked Casey’s hair. �śAll that matters is her getting better.”

�śYes, it is.”

�śThank you, Doctor Reed.”

�śYou’re welcome.” Ethan motioned to Trevor who said his good-byes then trotted out behind him.

�śWow, she is an amazing little girl,” Trevor said and Ethan knew that was one thing they could agree on.

�śShe is. Do you know of her condition?” �śBrittle bones. She breaks for little or no reason,” Trevor answered, passing one of Ethan’s tests. Anyone who knew the rarer genetic conditions and could spot them got a point in his book. �śI’ll be careful.”

�śPlease do; she’s already going through enough.” Ethan started walking and Trevor fell into step beside him. �śIt was really great how you let her write a note to Santa,” Trevor said, voice nervous yet soft. �śGood way to keep up a kid’s spirit.”

�śI organize the event,” Ethan said, fighting a smile. �śWe all pitch in and get the kids something small from their list. Then on Christmas morning, I dress up as Santa and surprise them.”

�śYou’re am�"” Trevor quickly cut himself off and Ethan’s steps faltered. Damn, this was not the time to be having unprofessional thoughts about his new fellow. Why was Trevor getting to him like this?

Trevor continued on in a rush, �śUh, what I mean is, I’d really like to help out with the gifts. If that’s all right?” Taking the notepad out Ethan passed it to him. �śWhy don’t you take the next one? It’ll give you a chance to get to know Jeremy.”

�śSure.” Trevor’s fingers touched his as the notebook passed hands and there was that damn spark again. Pulling his hand away quickly, Ethan hoped Trevor didn’t notice he was refusing to make eye contact. If Trevor did, he said nothing as he tucked it in his breast pocket and entered the next room. Ethan knew it was going to be a long day, he only hoped he could keep his libido in control.





r r r


Holding onto his food tray, Trevor glanced over the bustling cafeteria. He saw Doctor Reed sitting at a far table by himself, poring over reports. He wondered if Ethan would object to Trevor joining him. He didn’t really know anyone else yet. It was either go over there or eat alone and he preferred company. He had almost not taken the fellowship because he hadn’t wanted to leave his home and friends in order to start over all alone in a new city, but the opportunity had been too good to turn down. Ethan was one of the best pediatricians in the country and renowned for his skills and cutting edge procedures that saved children when all hope seemed lost.

He had tried all morning to gain Ethan’s approval, but he had been late to start and then he’d put his foot in his mouth a time or two. That was unlike him; he was usually confident and in the zone when working. He loved his job, was a natural with kids, and wanted parents to see him in the same light as they did Doctor Reed: someone who could be trusted to take care of their children and give them the best possible care.

Ethan was charming toward everyone, had an easygoing smile, and kind words. Except to Trevor. With Trevor, he didn’t smile, was short, and seemed as off-footed as he was. He wondered if it was because of the spark he’d felt when their hands touched. That vibe had made him think Ethan was gay, though it wasn’t like he could ask him without being unprofessional. Not to mention he could tell Ethan was clearly not going to cross any lines by the way he acted. He was likely trying to remain professional and Trevor would respect the boundaries and tamp down his attraction. He didn’t mind mixing business with pleasure, but since that was out of the question he hoped maybe they could at least become friends. If not, working side by side for a year would be challenging.

Ethan had his head down. His auburn hair was almost copper, short and a little tousled, as if he had just run a hand through it. The few times Trevor had managed to catch his eye he had been captured by the green irises flecked with gray. The other man had a broad frame which tapered down to slim hips and long legs�Ś And Trevor had to stop himself from thinking of other things. He coughed lightly and pulled out a chair. �śMind if I sit here?”

Surprise flickered as Ethan glanced up, then closed the file. �śNot at all.” Trevor hesitated; he could see the other man was uncomfortable. Damn it though, they were two grown men. If Ethan wouldn’t acknowledge the giant elephant, he would, and then they could move on. He set his tray down and dropped into the seat then leaned in. �śCan I speak freely?”

Lips pursed, Ethan regarded him for a long moment. �śI suppose.” �śI think you felt what I did,” Trevor whispered making sure no one would overhear. �śI just wanted to clear the air to make things less awkward.”

�śAwkward?” Ethan raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. �śBecause you were nearly twenty-five minutes late or because you spoke before thinking?”

�śYou were different around me than everybody else,” Trevor tried to argue, knowing Ethan had felt what he did. Hadn’t he? Doubt settled in the pit of his stomach. Crap, what if it was just him? Ethan’s glare had him squirming in his seat.

�śI hardly know you.” Ethan folded his hands together. His voice was even and almost devoid of emotion as he continued. �śI am in charge of this department’s medical unit. I’ve simply been watching you and seeing if you will be a good fit for the unit or if you are better suited somewhere else. This has nothing to do with feelings �" which you are wrong about �" and everything to do with treating you as I do every other intern, resident, and fellow.

�śYou want respect, earn it. I’m not here to be your friend. I’m here to make certain you can give those children the best chance to walk out of here happy and healthy.” He picked up his file, effectively dismissing Trevor. �śUnderstood?”

Feeling like he had been punched in the gut, Trevor nodded his head. He’d never been reprimanded or lectured in such a harsh way before. He got along with everyone. He expected Ethan to admit and then joke off the attraction. Not this. Maybe he had been wrong, in which case he had really screwed up. And if he ever got in Ethan’s good graces or earned his respect, it would likely take a miracle. �śYes, I’m really sorry for misunderstanding. I hope you know I came to learn how to give the kids a fighting chance and make their lives better for them.”

�śI do. You’re a natural with children,” Ethan replied and Trevor thought he heard approval in his voice but was unsure. �śThanks.” He reached for his tray, thinking a retreat was best. Clearly, Ethan wanted nothing to do with him and Trevor wondered if it had been such a good idea sitting here after all. �śYou must be busy and I’ve made a fool of myself so I’m gonna go.”

Did he see guilt in Ethan’s eyes? For what? The other man sighed and rubbed his face. �śStay and eat. Maybe I was too harsh. You gotta understand though, people talk. Your whole career could be jeopardized if you’re not careful.”

Now Trevor really did understand and relief frissoned through him. Ethan was denying what was between them because of something that had happened before. He didn’t want to pry, but he was less confused and believed Ethan had definitely noticed the spark between them. But it seemed unlikely he would act on it. Still he said, �śYou wouldn’t say anything.”

�śNo, I wouldn’t.”

�śI’ll keep it in mind though.”

�śGood.” Ethan waved his hand toward the tray. �śWe don’t have much left of a break.”

He took a sip of the iced tea then poured the Italian dressing over his salad. �śWe have the surgery at two?”

�śYes.” Ethan grabbed half of his sandwich and took a bite. They fell into silence for a moment. Trevor stole a few glances at Ethan, wondering if he could crack the other man’s professional mask. Ethan said they couldn’t be friends, but why? What harm was there in getting to know one another? Maybe Ethan was worried he would push for more and had decided to keep it strictly professional to avoid any risks. Trevor decided to play it safe and see where things went. �śAre there any good places to eat around here?”

�śLuke’s is good for a hamburger and fries. There’re a few other little places over by the pharmacy.” �śCool. I was born and raised in L.A. I’m going to have to get used to a new area. I know L.A. isn’t far from Newport, but for most of my life I just stayed there, too busy with work and stuff to travel. It’s nice here though.”

�śThe beach is about twenty minutes away too.”

�śGreat, I love to surf.”

�śNewport has some big waves. Quiet beach too, except on the weekends. I go when I need a break from it all.” Ethan ducked his head as if he had revealed too much.

�śNothing like the beach to unwind and relax. The warm sand and riding those waves, I can never get enough.” Trevor couldn’t stop his grin as he thought about surfing and the freedom it gave him. On his board, it was just him and the next big wave, no worries about anything, the perfect escape from it all.

Almost cracking a smile Ethan said, �śI know what you mean.” He paused and Trevor saw he was nervous. �śI was wrong. I�" I’m not going to show you any favoritism or hold your hand, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

Trevor didn’t bother hiding his happiness as he replied, �śI’d like that.” He dug into his salad with more gusto. �śDoes this mean I can call you by your first name?”

�śYes, Trevor. I’m not heartless, y’know?” Ethan met his gaze for a moment and Trevor’s breath caught. He caught a brief flash of vulnerability which captured him. What made Ethan tick and how could he find out? He almost missed what Ethan said when he lowered his voice, �śI know I must seem that way, eating alone, snapping at you�Ś”

�śYou’re committed to the kids. I get it and I admire you for it.” Trevor put his fork down and gestured around. �śI guess I was just thrown by being in a new place, meeting you. It’s all a lot to take in and I mistakenly read the signs wrong.” He wanted Ethan to correct him but doubted he would.

�śIt’s forgotten already.” Ethan resumed eating his sandwich and studied his plate. He swallowed and took a drink of his soda. �śTell me why you chose pediatrics?”

Noting the change of topic for what it was, Trevor began telling Ethan about his second year as an intern. He had been walking to the hospital when there’d been an accident. A mother and her daughter were caught in the wreckage. He’d managed to safely get the little girl out of the car. He recalled how she held onto him, trusted him, and how he managed to calm her down. The look of happiness in her eyes when he reunited her with her mother�Ś

In that moment he’d known what he was meant to do. He’d felt like he had a purpose, and agreed with Ethan that what mattered to him was every child in his care getting to go home and enjoy their childhood. Saying so actually got the other man to smile and it made the knot in Trevor’s gut loosen. Ethan’s eyes crinkled at the edges and his features softened revealing for a moment the man behind the professional mask. Trevor decided then and there he was going to have to get Ethan’s smile directed at him as often as possible.





Chapter Two


Stifling a yawn, Ethan gulped down a cup of coffee and nearly scalded his tongue. He’d had a rough night of sleep, as hazel eyes kept invading his dreams. He hadn’t ever been affected like this before by anyone. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. Or refused to anyway. He had tried to maintain his distance yesterday and keep it so they only discussed cases and patients. But then, at lunch when Trevor had admitted he felt the chemistry as well, he had regrettably lashed out and reamed the poor guy. The kicked puppy expression had made Ethan feel an inch tall and he’d extended the olive branch of friendship while lying through his teeth. Trevor had accepted and after talking to him Ethan realized how much they had in common. The other man was his type to a T.

Damn, why did they have to meet here? Oh, right, because his life revolved around the hospital and didn’t exist outside these walls. Truth be told, as distant as he kept himself from everyone �" because he was engrossed in his clinical studies and had so many patients �" he could use a friend. Problem was, he wanted more than a friend in Trevor. Damn, what was he going to do?

Thinking of said trouble, Trevor breezed into the break room, his hands full with two bags. They had a Christmas tree and a reindeer on them. �śI’m not late, am I?”

Glancing at his watch Ethan replied, �śA minute early. What have you got there?”

�śWell, all the kids seemed to really love decorating the Christmas cards yesterday and it got me thinking you know of what else they could do.” Trevor set the bags on the coffee table then rifled through one. �śI’ve got about fifty of these.” He passed Ethan a holiday coloring book. �śCrayons too. I figured they could color and brighten up their rooms.”

It was a really good idea and could Trevor be any sweeter? The guy was making it impossible to dislike him and Ethan was impressed. He gave Trevor a small smile and he saw the other man’s eyes light up. �śThis is a brilliant; well done. I think the kids will enjoy it.” He stood from the sofa. �śYou know if you have receipts, I can make sure you’re reimbursed. These must have cost you some money.”

�śHappy kids are worth it.” Trevor shrugged. �śWhat’s a few bucks to make their day a little better?”

After he placed his hand on Trevor’s shoulder, he squeezed briefly. Feeling the other man’s warm skin under his scrubs sent Ethan’s pulse racing. He quickly removed his hand and cocked his head toward the door. �śWell then, should we make the rounds?”

Something indistinguishable flitted across Trevor’s face but was gone before Ethan could figure it out. �śLead the way.”





r r r


The coloring books had been a big hit with the kids and Trevor was riding high on his accomplishment. Ethan had praised him, he had made the kids happy, and yesterday’s awkwardness had dissipated until they had sat down in one of the conference rooms to discuss and review Ethan’s scoliosis trial. It was a preventive treatment study which looked into ways to prevent scoliosis from worsening in cases where it had already occurred or taking measures to be certain it wouldn’t happen in the future. Like Casey and Jeremy, those with weak bone structures had the potential to develop scoliosis.

Ethan’s study was fascinating, but the other man was also completely distracting. Their shoulders had brushed together a few times while viewing the reports together and Trevor had gotten the intoxicating scents of citrus and woods from Ethan’s cologne.

If he turned his head to the right angle, he could lean in and kiss Ethan like he wanted to. Well, he wanted to do more than that. But a kiss would suffice for now. He shifted in his seat and Ethan pushed his chair back and turned toward him.

�śDon’t,” he said in a tone that made Trevor think he might have been reading his thoughts.

�śDon’t what?” He tried for innocence, looking at Ethan through his eyelashes.

�śI won’t do this.” Trevor couldn’t understand how Ethan could ignore the connection. He couldn’t be wrong. The signs were there, but he dared to ask, �śAre you not�Ś?”

�śGay and open about it. Not that it’s your business,” Ethan replied, voice now icy cold. �śI told you before: lines cannot be crossed.”

�śOkay, not here.” Trevor leaned forward and decided to take a risk, thinking he understood. He was nervous and couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted to ask someone out and actually cared this much about what they would say. �śCould I take you to dinner, a movie?”

�śNo.” Ethan crossed his arms over his chest and Trevor couldn’t even voice how much being rejected hurt. He knew he shouldn’t but he blurted out, �śWhy?” �śI don’t have to tell you.” Abruptly Ethan got to his feet.

�śNo, you don’t, but I’m confused as hell.” Trevor held out his hands. Why couldn’t Ethan talk to him? �śI’ve seen the looks you’ve been giving me. I know you lied yesterday. What’s the big deal? It’s not against the rules. We could keep it quiet and avoid gossip. And�"”

�śStop,” Ethan said through gritted teeth and Trevor was surprised by how angry he seemed. His eyes flashed like lightening and his jaw clenched.

�śYou want to know? Fine. When I was an intern, I dated a fellow once and it was good for a while. Then he started failing while I succeeded and it went downhill fast. He outed me to everyone, played it off as if I had somehow coerced him�Ś” Ethan buried his face in his hands and Trevor had an urge to wrap his arms around him. How could some idiot have done that to him?

�śI’m really sorry. He sounds like a real piece of work.” Trevor waited but Ethan didn’t respond. He seemed lost in his memories. How could he get through to him? �śLook, I just wanted to kiss you. Is it really that hard for you to see I’m interested in you?”

Ethan ignored him. �śIt got nasty. My reputation was damaged and my career could’ve been too.” He took a shuddering breath. �śI had to transfer hospitals. Everything was nearly ruined because I was young and impulsive.”

�śI’m sorry, I really am.” Trevor wanted to reach out, but feared how Ethan would react. �śI wouldn’t be making a fool of myself if all I wanted was sex.”

�śI can’t give you anything, and I don’t want to.” Ethan paused and finally looked at him though now Trevor wished he hadn’t. Ethan regarded him as if he were something he had wiped off his shoe.

�śI’m where I want to be now. This is my life and I’m good where I’m at. I don’t need you messing things up because of some stupid attraction. Keep it in your pants and don’t bring it up again. If you can’t, then you need to leave now and I’ll make sure you’re recommended somewhere just as good.”

Ethan might as well have ripped his heart out, as the ache in his chest made it hard to breathe. It shocked him how much those words hurt. He barely knew Ethan, but it didn’t change how he felt or his attraction.

He got to his feet and locked gazes with Ethan, letting him see his hurt. �śIt really sucks you won’t even give me a chance because of him. I know you don’t know me very well, but I’m not that kind of guy. You’re an ass too for thinking all I want to do is get into your pants.” He clenched his fists. Why couldn’t Ethan see what was between them? He liked when Ethan smiled, they had an easy camaraderie, and a shared sense of humor. He was angry now and wanted Ethan to hurt too. �śI’m new here and I’m not going to mess up anything for either of us. But since you’ve already decided I will, I can assure you, Doctor Reed, from now on I will only discuss the trial or patients with you. You can forget me thinking we could more than colleagues.” He stalked to the door. �śIf you’ll excuse me, I’ll go see if I can’t fall to my knees for some other attending because clearly you only believe I came here to sleep my way up the ladder.”

�śI never said that!” Ethan spun toward him. �śI didn’t�"” �śYou didn’t have to.” Trevor put his hand on the doorknob. �śIt’s written on your face. You don’t believe I could actually like you.” He let his contempt show, almost glad to see Ethan flinch. �śI guess I know now why you’re alone. �ŚNot heartless’ my ass.”

�śFuck you,” Ethan nearly shouted, his voice cracking. �śNot a chance now.” Trevor yanked open the door, put his mask in place, and stormed out of the room. He didn’t dare look back.

What had he done? Hot tears welled in Ethan’s eyes as he sank into the chair and buried his face in his hands. Trevor was right; it was no wonder he was alone. Thirty-six years old and he was acting like an idiot because he was scared of his feelings. He hadn’t even listened to Trevor. He’d been lost in the memories of how Connor had nearly destroyed his career before it even got started. Everything had almost been ruined, and he had almost lost the chance to honor his sister, Lindsey’s, memory.

Even though it had only been two days since they met, he knew Trevor wasn’t like Connor. Trevor had come here for the job, to be where he was needed and could fine-tune his skills. Ethan had viewed his files and commendations; Trevor was an asset to the hospital. He had to have known how risky it would be to lay himself on the line the way he did and admit his interest when so much was at stake. He hadn’t shied away from their chemistry though, he’d taken a chance.

And what did Ethan do? Tore Trevor apart for it. Trevor was likely thinking he was going to be transferred, or worse, by the way Ethan had reacted. He hadn’t meant anything he said though and he certainly didn’t see Trevor in the way he had painted him. If it was only lust then things would’ve been easier, but it was more than that.

Now guilt made him nauseous and he couldn’t help but think he had made a colossal mistake. He had to apologize but then what? If wasn’t as if Trevor would still be interested. Ethan had ruined everything again.

His pager buzzed on his hip and he checked it before running out of the room. Martha, one of the nurses, pointed to room 402 and he dashed in only to find Trevor had made it there first. Trevor’s back was to him and he was helping Jay clean Andy up. The boy had been sick all over the place.

�śSorry,” Andy whispered. �śMy tummy hurts.” �śHey, it’s okay, buddy.” Trevor gently wiped Andy’s face with a wet cloth. �śSometimes our tummies hurt after surgery. Maybe the Jell-O was too much.”

�śI bet it was �Ścause it was orange and gross,” Andy told him and Trevor chuckled. �śMy tummy didn’t like it.” �śYou might be right, kiddo.”

Jay, Andy’s father, looked over at him in relief. �śDoctor Reed?” Trevor stiffened as Ethan stepped forward. �śDoctor Hayes is

right. We’ll get him some Zofran to calm his stomach and wait a little while until we try to get something else to stay down.” �śHow about a popsicle later, Andy?” Trevor suggested, checking his IV and stats. �śA blue one?” Andy grimaced. �śNo orange, �Śk?”

�śYou got it.”

�śAwesome.”

�śLet me go get the medicine and you’ll feel better.” Trevor pushed past Ethan without a word and left the room. Ethan’s heart plummeted.

What had he done?





Chapter Three


Ethan tried more than once to get Trevor alone to apologize, but the other man was still fuming and was avoiding him like the plague. He thought maybe a night to cool off would help. But when he got to work the next morning, he found out Trevor had said Ethan had volunteered his fellow to help out in the pediatric oncology unit, apparently, so he could branch out and learn more about all the studies and treatments going on in the hospital. He could have called Trevor on it, but he decided to let it go. If Trevor preferred working away from him then maybe it was for the best. No risk, no messy complications, no Ethan making an ass of himself.

At lunch, he lost his appetite when he saw Trevor sitting with other nurses and doctors. The women were fawning over him and he was laughing with the guys. Alone, he watched for a few minutes and couldn’t believe the jealousy that rose up and left a bitter taste in his mouth. He was used to having a quiet lunch, why was he bothered now? Why did he want Trevor to come over and talk about the beach again?

Staring down at his untouched chicken salad, he thought of walking alongside the shore with Trevor, waves lapping at their feet. And where did that come from? Shaking off the fantasy, he decided lunch was a loss and it would be better to do some research.





r r r


A week passed and it was hard to believe Christmas was around the corner when Ethan wasn’t in the spirit. Usually he loved the holidays; giving gifts, the joy of the children, and how everything seemed brighter and more hopeful for a while. It didn’t feel that way now.

Trevor had yet to return to the unit. He caught glimpses of him, but Ethan avoided the cafeteria now and it was obvious Trevor wanted nothing to do with him. Ethan couldn’t explain it, but he missed Trevor. How that was even possible when he barely knew the other doctor was beyond him.

He thought he could accept the way things were, but he couldn’t. He had to speak to Trevor, apologize, and hope they could at least work together again. He was still scared because he wanted more, but if Trevor ever gave him another chance he wouldn’t let him regret it.

Even the children had noticed the change in his mood, which was why he was now at the beach. Sneakers in hand, he walked barefoot in the sand. The icy December wind whipped at him, chilling him through his jacket down to the bone. The water was freezing cold, the sky overcast, and the beach empty. It fit his mood perfectly. Still, he had to center himself, let the loneliness and hurt wash away with the waves. The children didn’t need a sad doctor.

He recalled his earlier talk with Casey as he stared out at the ocean. �śAre you sad, Doctor Reed?”

�śMaybe a little.”

Casey put her little hand over his. �śMom says it’s okay to be sad for a little while, like when you miss somebody. But hugs and smiles can make it better and you can always call ’em. I missed Cody ’til I got to talk to him and he said I had cooties. Little brothers, huh? But then he said he was still saving me cookies to give to Santa, which is nice except they’ll go stale and Santa won’t like that.”

He laughed. �śOh really?”

�śI bet if you tell Santa or call you won’t be sad anymore.” �śThat’s good advice. Thank you, Casey.”

The only problem was Ethan couldn’t call Trevor or look to an imaginary guy in a red suit to fix his problems. Maybe he could corner Trevor tomorrow and try at the very least to apologize. Lindsey would have kicked him from one side of the ocean to the other for what he had done. She had always been the optimistic, glass half-full, happily ever after existed, hopeful one. He missed her and it was unfair she had her life cut short. Losing his sister had shown him that tomorrow was never guaranteed and he should make the most of every day. Except he hadn’t been doing that; he was stuck and wasting time. Lindsey would’ve been disappointed he’d thrown away a chance with Trevor because he was scared.

Ethan blinked away a tear then turned away from the ocean and to his surprise, he saw Trevor walking the opposite way up the beach. He was wearing jeans, a UCLA sweater, and his glasses were gone. Ethan couldn’t believe it. �śTrevor!”

The carefree look vanished from Trevor’s face and he backtracked the way he had come. �śWait!” Ethan jogged over to the other man. Here was his chance. He had to make this right and hope Trevor would forgive him. �śPlease, I need to talk you.”

Trevor’s glare made Ethan take a step back. �śI think, work aside, we’ve said all we need to each other.” �śI don’t.” Ethan grabbed Trevor’s arm as he tried walking away. He couldn’t let him go. The knot in his chest was already loosening simply by being around Trevor. The warmth from his arm chased away the cold. �śI’m so sorry. Really I am.”

�śFor what? Implying I whore my way around hospitals? Or for tearing me apart for admitting I thought I was interested?” Trevor said through gritted teeth.

�śAll of it.” Loosening his hold Ethan stepped in front of him. �śI don’t do apologies, but here I am. I’m asking you to forgive me or tell me how I can make this better, please.”

�śI should be flattered you’re apologizing now?” Trevor yanked away. �śGuess what? I’m not.”

�śNo, I meant, I make it a habit to not care. But I do now,” Ethan said in a rush. Why was he always saying the wrong thing? �śI hate that you’re angry with me. It’s been driving me crazy.”

Trevor scoffed. �śWhy should it when the attraction was clearly one-sided?”

�śIt wasn’t. I felt a spark the minute we touched.” Ethan locked gazes with Trevor, hoping he could see he meant it. �śIt scared me.”

�śYou think it didn’t throw me?” Trevor threw up his hands. He looked as frustrated as Ethan felt. �śI didn’t expect to have something like this happen when we met.”

�śNeither did I and I’m sorry for handling it badly. I didn’t mean anything I said.” Ethan swallowed around the lump in his throat. �śI didn’t listen. I was caught in my past and missed what was in front of me.”

Trevor didn’t say anything and he had his doctor’s face in place so it was impossible to read him. Ethan took it as a good sign that he hadn’t walked away or punched him yet.

�śI had to tell you I screwed up. If you don’t want to work with me, I understand. But the kids miss you.”

�śAfter me being there for only two days?” Trevor didn’t seem to believe it. �śYou made quite the impression. They’ve all got coloring pages for you to say thanks.”

A small crack in the mask and Trevor smiled for a brief moment. �śYou’re okay with us working together?”

�śIf you are.” Ethan almost held his breath as he waited for Trevor’s reply.

�śAll right. Tomorrow then.” Trevor gave a curt nod and turned away. Again, Ethan grabbed him. A small step forward was not enough. Trevor had to know how crazy he was making him. �śThe kids aren’t the only ones who miss you.”

The mask cracked some more and Trevor’s gaze softened. �śI’m still mad at you,” he said, though his voice had lost the hard edge to it.

�śNothing I can do to change that?” Ethan thought of something. �śHow about we go to a movie? My treat?” �śNo.”

How could a simple word seem like a hit to the solar plexus? �śNo?” �śI’m going to want more than a movie.” Trevor took his hand and then let go. Ethan heard the sadness in tone as he continued, �śI’d probably be crazy enough to let you take me home. But in the morning reality would hit and we’d be in this mess again.”

�śWe wouldn’t.” Ethan was ready to plead. �śLike you said, we could keep it quiet. No one will care as long as we keep our private and work lives separate.”

Trevor raised an eyebrow. �śAnd if someone finds out?” �śWe’ll handle it if they do.”

�śWhat if this,” Trevor waved his hand between them,

�śbecomes something? I’m not going to be your secret because you’re scared.”

�śIf we were serious and had this figured out I wouldn’t care who knew we were together.” Running a hand through his hair as the wind kept blowing it in his face, Trevor studied him. �śWhy the change?”

Distracted by the urge to brush Trevor’s hair back Ethan was thrown by the question. �śWhat?”

Trevor blinked. �śYou told me you were good where you were at and you didn’t need me messing up your life.”

�śI was wrong. I realized how lonely I’ve been.” Ethan couldn’t stop his guts from spilling; it was time to take a risk. �śI’m asking for a chance. That’s all. I know it’s crazy, but no one has ever gotten under my skin like you have. I look for you when my shift starts. I stopped eating in the cafeteria because I was jealous other people had your attention. I think about you and ways to get you to forgive me. Hell, even the kids know I’m sad. That’s why I’m here, trying to figure things out.” He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. �śTell me your week hasn’t been the same and I’ll walk away and never speak of this again.”

�śI thought you were avoiding me and were glad I was gone.” Trevor stepped closer to him. �śI wasn’t.” Ethan grasped Trevor’s hand. �śI’m ready to beg, Trevor. I keep thinking if you walk away because of me I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t want any more regrets. Life is too damn short.”

Reaching up with his other hand, Trevor cupped his cheek. �śYou push me away again and I won’t come back.” �śI know.” Ethan pressed into Trevor’s palm, wanting more of the touch that warmed him to the core. �śI won’t, I swear.”

�śIt may be crazy, but this week did suck.” Trevor leaned in even closer. His eyes darkened and his voice dropped into a more intimate register. �śI missed you, too.”

When he surged forward, Ethan kissed him, his shoes dropping from his hand as he fisted it in Trevor’s sweater. Trevor’s lips were chapped but warm. Trevor tugged him close until they were flush together, hands intertwined and pressed against their chests. Even through Trevor’s sweater, he could feel his heart pounding, mirroring his own heart’s rapid rhythm, so strong it was as if it was going to beat right out of his chest. He opened his mouth when Trevor’s tongue pressed against it.

Melting into the kiss that was hot and languorous, Ethan explored and tasted every inch of Trevor’s mouth until they broke the kiss panting for air. Trevor dove back in for another softer, but still passionate kiss that made Ethan feel like he had butterflies in his stomach. He had never really fallen in love, but he knew now he was starting to. And he wasn’t going to let Trevor go for anything.





r r r


In what felt like a dream, Trevor walked along the shore with his arm around Ethan. The sun had peeked out through the clouds and the day had definitely improved. He wasn’t sure why he had gone to the beach Ethan told him of, but he was glad now he did.

All week he’d believed Ethan wanted nothing to do with him. When he didn’t deny the volunteer request, Trevor thought it meant he was supposed to stay there. At lunch and sometimes dinner in the cafeteria, he had tried to find the other man but had figured Ethan was avoiding him. It upset him, but he didn’t think he could do anything about it. He had already crossed too many lines. One word from Ethan and he would be sent packing. So he’d kept his distance, though once or twice he had gotten as far as Ethan’s office door, wanting to talk, only to turn around when he remembered the things Ethan had said that stung and left him angered and insulted.

It was a relief knowing Ethan hadn’t meant them. After Ethan had poured his heart out like he had, Trevor couldn’t stay mad. Ethan might not know it, but he was forgiven. The confession of how much Ethan missed him had made Trevor realize he was falling for him. Falling hard too.

Maybe it was crazy, like Ethan said, but then when you knew, you knew right? And he thanked his lucky stars he had been wrong about having to accept the fate he thought had brought them together had made a mistake and had set him up for heartbreak. Now he had a chance to figure out what this was between them. He hoped it would be like riding the perfect wave and not wiping out.

They reached the pier and he could see Ruby’s at the end of it. �śWanna grab a burger?”

After he slipped on his shoes, Ethan gave him a soft smile which lit up his face. �śActually I know someplace that serves the best chili fries ever. What do you say?”

�śYou had me at chili fries.”

Laughing Ethan leaned into him. �śWe’ve got to walk a little ways. It’s a little food stand over by the ferry. Okay?” �śLead the way.” Trevor slipped his hand into Ethan’s, happiness bubbling up when Ethan interlaced their fingers together. He looked very relaxed in his faded blue jeans and wellworn navy hoodie. It made Trevor want to kiss him. So he did.

They walked to the edge of the beach and back onto the sidewalk, following it until they reached a crosswalk and Ethan pointed out a bar and a few tourist/souvenir shops as they meandered through. They came to a main intersection, which they crossed, and Ethan told him of a candy shop they would have to visit. He didn’t come often, he said, but when he did he liked to indulge a little. They passed the ferry entrance and walked down a slope. He could see the boats in the marina and there were a few people at the food stand. Trevor tried to pay but Ethan refused to let him ordering two Cokes and an order of chili fries. The plate was huge and the fries were smothered in cheese sauce and chili. Trevor couldn’t resist stealing one as they walked to the little tables nearby and groaned out loud. The fries were hot and delicious with just the right kick to the chili. He took a seat on the stool with Ethan beside him, touching shoulder to hip.

They dug in and Trevor knew he was going to become hooked on the fries. �śYou weren’t kidding. These are amazing.” �śRight?” Ethan slurped on his soda. �śUm, are you wearing contacts?”

�śMm, glasses are only for work. They make me look older and seem more professional. I know what some people think when they see me.”

�śLaidback surfer?” Ethan teased. �śI didn’t though.”

�śExactly. Except, I’m really not much of a surfer these days.” �śWell, I like being able to see your eyes.” Ethan’s voice was low and affectionate. The tone made Trevor shudder and he could imagine other ways Ethan would use it. �śYou should�" Are you cold?” Ethan put an arm around him and it only made Trevor feel more heated.

�śNah. What were you gonna say?”

�śYou should make time for the things you love.” He knew Ethan was right, it was important to keep from

getting too stressed or overwhelmed. �śWhat do you do to destress?” �śI run. Usually here, right along the shore.”

�śCool. Maybe you should go surfing with me one time.” �śWhen the water isn’t ice cold, sure,” Ethan said with a

chuckle.

They finished off the chili fries in no time and Trevor tossed their trash in the nearby bin. �śYou still up for a movie?” He didn’t think Ethan could look any happier until that moment. Trevor wished he had a camera to capture how happy he was. He was even more handsome when he smiled and Trevor couldn’t help but stare. He almost missed what Ethan said next.

�śI might know of a little theater showing black and white Christmas films.”

�śIt’s a Wonderful Life? I’m in.” Leaving the table Ethan took his hand again then kissed his cheek. Trevor liked this affectionate side of Ethan. �śYou got any plans for Christmas? Going back home?”

�śNah, my friends have plans so it’ll probably be Chinese and Casablanca night.”

Ethan practically gaped at him. �śYou don’t like Christmas?” �śI love it. Love it even more if I had someone to share it with.” Trevor shrugged, trying to pretend it didn’t matter that he had no family to go home to. It had been years, but the rejection would never go away, and neither would the hole in his heart. Yet there was nothing he could do short of denying who he was and living a lie. And that he would not do.

�śWhat about your family?” Ethan squeezed his hand as if he knew something was wrong. �śSecond year of med school I came out to my parents. My dad pretty much threw me out of the house. My mom calls and emails sometimes. It sucks,” Trevor couldn’t stop his voice from cracking, �śbut I can’t change who I am.”

Stopping abruptly, Ethan turned and wrapped Trevor in a hug. He appreciated the comforting gesture and held on tight, nuzzling into Ethan’s neck and breathing in the scent that had driven him crazy since the first time he had tried to kiss Ethan.

�śI’m sorry,” Ethan whispered in his ear. �śThey should be proud of you.”

�śMy mom is. I think. I hope.” Trevor took a calming breath and though he didn’t want to let go, he also didn’t want people staring and wondering what the matter was either, so he pulled back and tried to smile. �śThat’s something, I guess.”

Guilt was etched across Ethan’s face. �śThose things I said. How can you forgive me? God, I’m really sorry.” He brushed Trevor’s hair back from his face as the wind picked up.

�śYou didn’t know and you weren’t the only one who said harsh stuff,” Trevor assured him. He hadn’t been innocent in their argument. He’d intentionally said things so Ethan would hurt as well. Now he wanted them to move forward and put it behind them. �śI’ve forgiven you already. It’s hard to stay mad at you.”

Relief filled Ethan’s features. �śReally?”

�śMm. Why stay mad when I have what I want?”

Ethan actually blushed. �śMe?”

�śYes, you.” Trevor chuckled but then was overcome with nerves. Was it too soon to say that? �śI�"” He was cut off by Ethan pressing a finger to his lips.

�śYou do. Have me. If you want, I mean.” He gave Trevor a crooked smile as he moved his finger and brushed their lips together.

�śWhat are you doing for Christmas?” Trevor wanted to ask if they could at least meet and maybe exchange gifts. Crap, that meant he had to get a gift and he didn’t have a clue what to get Ethan. He would have to see if he could get a hint from Ethan without being obvious.

�śDinner with my family.” Trevor hid his disappointment as he put his arm around Ethan and they started walking again. Of course Ethan had plans. �śOh yeah?”

�śMy mom always makes too much. You wanna come over? They won’t mind.”

Touched and falling a little harder for Ethan, Trevor replied, �śThat’s really sweet, but I’ll be okay.” �śWell I won’t, knowing you’ll be alone. So, either I join you for Casablanca or you come along with me.” Ethan caught his gaze, his eyes pleading. And how could Trevor say no? �śEither way we’re gonna be together. Okay?”

Trevor bit his lip. �śYou sure your parents won’t mind?” �śNever have. Though I, uh, haven’t ever brought anyone over.” Ethan shrugged. �śMy mom likes to know everything, but she means well and her Christmas dinner is not to be missed.”

Trevor laughed, secretly touched he was going to be the first Ethan had invited over for Christmas dinner. �śAnd your dad?” �śWe’re close too. They both are a big part of my life and like to be a part of it. Maybe too much, but I can’t blame them.” The look on Ethan’s face changed and Trevor knew it all too well from having to deliver the news to families that despite everything their loved one had died. It was one of heartbreak and devastation and all he wanted to do was hold onto Ethan. �śEver since we lost my sister, Lindsey�Ś”

�śWhat happened?”

�śShe died�Ś so suddenly.” Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose. �śMyocarditis.” �śOh Ethan�Ś” Trevor kissed the side of Ethan’s face. His heart clenched and he tugged Ethan closer, wrapping him in a hug. �śI’m so sorry.”

�śI�" I was just going to start college when it happened,” Ethan’s voice was rough with unshed tears. �śI decided to go to med school in her memory. Make a difference and then she would be proud.”

Now Trevor understood why Ethan had lashed out at him and one of the reasons why his work meant so much to him. �śShe would be. You’re amazing with the kids.”

�śThanks.” Ethan squeezed his hand then pointed as they reached the parking lot. �śMy car is over there.”

�śI’ll follow you, yeah?” Trevor hugged Ethan. �śUnless you want to walk and talk some more or sit?”

�śIt’s getting cold but if you don’t mind�Ś”

�śNot at all.” Hopping over the cement divider onto the sand Trevor held out his hand. �śTell me about Lindsey.” �śWell, she loved Christmas,” Ethan smiled and took his hand. Together they sat down in the sand with Trevor behind Ethan, his arms around him. Leaning back into him Ethan continued on and Trevor listened intently. As they talked the sun set in front of them turning the sky a beautiful shade of reddish orange and light yellows, bathing the beach in a bright glow which set him at ease.





Chapter Four


Waking from a peaceful sleep, Ethan glanced up at the clock on the mantel. 12:07 am. It was Christmas. Grinning, he stretched a little, careful not to wake Trevor, who was snoring softly beside him, tangled up in the blankets they had spread out on the floor.

Earlier they’d had dinner together, popped open some champagne and made love in front of a roaring fire. The room smelled of them, the Christmas tree, and the wood from the fire. Ethan soaked it all up, feeling more content than he ever had. He couldn’t remember a time he’d been this happy and it was because of Trevor.

The past week had flown by, but it had been a good one. They had decorated his tree together, gone shopping for the kids, and embraced the Christmas spirit as they got to know one another. He knew he was falling head over heels in love with Trevor, sappy as that may be. He felt alive too. He hadn’t realized he had been living on autopilot outside the hospital. He’d built such a high wall around his heart after losing Lindsey and having Connor burn him that no one had been able to break through. Jaded and numb until Trevor knocked the wall down and reached his broken and bruised heart.

Trevor was so patient and caring it made it easy for Ethan to trust him. Being with him felt right. He didn’t need anything for Christmas but this chance Trevor had given him, and he hoped his lover knew how grateful he was to be here.

Kissing Trevor’s chest, he slipped out from under his lover’s arm and went over to the Christmas tree. After he tucked his legs under him, he reached for Trevor’s gifts, running his fingers over the bright red and green wrapping paper; it almost glimmered in the firelight. He thought about waking Trevor, wanting to see his reaction and whether he liked his gifts or not. He knew on one gift in particular he had gone over a little on the price they had agreed on to spend, but it was their first Christmas together, their first week dating as a couple, and he wanted it to be special.

�śHey, no peeking,” Trevor teased and Ethan turned his head to see his lover had woken and was watching him. Ethan’s breath caught at the sight of him. Trevor’s hair was tousled and sticking up at odd angles, his eyes were sleepy, and he stretched like a lazy cat would, seeming content. Ethan admired the play of muscles, the planes of his hard chest and his lover’s tanned skin, unable to take his eyes off him. How had he gotten so lucky?

�śSee something you like?” Trevor added with a wink. �śI sure do.” Ethan swallowed hard and shifted his stance. �śThese aren’t mine.” He held the gifts out. �śIt is Christmas. Wanna see what I got you?” �śYou know I do.” Trevor grinned then stretched his arms out over his head once more before getting up then crawling on his knees to him. �śMerry Christmas, babe.”

�śMerry Christmas.” Ethan gave him the gifts then stole a quick kiss.

Reaching under the tree Trevor gave Ethan his gifts but Ethan was anxious to see what Trevor thought. �śGo on, you first.” Holding up the two gifts Trevor asked, �śWhich one?” Ethan pointed to the bigger one and Trevor set the smaller gift down then slowly started removing the bow and wrapping paper on his first gift.

�śYou’re killing me.” Laughing, Trevor gave him a look that told Ethan he knew exactly what he was doing. �śI never liked tearing open presents. It’s over too quickly that way.”

Trevor had a point. Ethan wanted him to enjoy the moment so he waited patiently. �śI’m going to tear mine open. I never could wait.”

�śI guess,” Trevor revealed the box and put aside the paper, �śthis is the first time in a long time I’ve gotten to celebrate and I want it to last.”

Feeling his heartstrings tugged, Ethan moved behind Trevor then wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist and kissed his shoulder. His family had always been supportive; he couldn’t grasp how Trevor’s family could turn their back on him for simply being himself. He silently vowed to make today as special as he could to make Trevor happy. �śTake all the time you want, baby,” he whispered.

After he opened the box, Trevor chuckled. �śWhere did you find one of these? I looked everywhere!” Laughing, Ethan watched as Trevor picked up the surfboard stethoscope cover and admired it. �śI did some Googling and hunted one down.”

�śThanks.” Trevor turned his head slightly for a kiss which Ethan readily gave. �śNow the kids won’t say mine is boring.” Ethan laughed harder. �śI hadn’t thought of that. I guess we all have covers to distract and entertain them.”

Picking up the gifts Ethan had set down Trevor passed him one. �śYour turn.”

Ethan thought about tearing it open but decided against it, taking his time like Trevor did. Trevor turned to watch him pull open a box. Grinning he lifted out a dark blue t-shirt that read, Trust me, I’m a doctor. �śOh that is too funny.” He held the shirt to his chest and saw it would fit perfectly. �śThanks, I love it.”

�śI hoped it would make you laugh.”

�śI’m going to wear it today,” Ethan tucked away the shirt, �śafter we shower.”

Trevor’s smile grew as he worked on unwrapping his second gift. He let out a gasp as he saw it was a small jewelry box, which he popped open revealing the silver surfboard cufflinks. The moment Ethan had seen them he had known they were perfect and exactly what he wanted to give Trevor. �śOh wow.” Trevor’s eyes were bright as he met Ethan’s gaze. �śEthan, I thought�"”

Cupping Trevor’s cheek Ethan rested his forehead against Trevor’s. �śDo you like them?”

�śI love them. But babe�"”

�śNope,” Ethan cut him off with a kiss. �śAll that matters to me is you’re happy. This is our first Christmas. I know we haven’t been together very long, but I already care about you and wanted to show you how much I do.”

�śThank you,” Trevor’s voice was low now and more intimate, sending a shiver down Ethan’s spine. He leaned in for a kiss. �śYou’re right. I wanted to do the same and I, uh, kinda went over our agreed limit as well.”

Shaking his head fondly Ethan kissed him again. �śOh yeah?” Trevor gave him his second gift. It looked like an envelope and he tore it open then peered inside. There were two tickets to the L.A. Film Festival and hotel reservations. �śOh my God! I didn’t even know there were tickets left.”

�śWell, I had my friend Mandy help me out.” Trevor showed him the tickets. �śThink you can get the days off ?”

�śI’m not going without you. You know that, right?” Ethan held up the tickets. �śTwo tickets. I’m sure I can pull a favor or two and get us the weekend off.”

�śI didn’t want to assume,” Trevor seemed nervous as he ran his hand up and down Ethan’s back. �śOr have you think I got them so you’d have to tell everyone about us. I just figured it’d be something you’d love to go to and�"”

�śTrev,” Ethan interrupted, finding his lover’s babbling endearing. He climbed into Trevor’s lap and wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck, wanting to be close as he confessed, �śThere is no one else I’d rather go with and I don’t care anymore about people at work finding out. It seems stupid I did before. I wasted time and I regret that. Life is too damn short. I want this, us, all of it.” He pressed kisses along Trevor’s jaw to his lips. �śOkay?”

�śOkay,” Trevor breathed and Ethan could hear the happiness in his voice. He drew Ethan closer to him. His smile was brighter than the Christmas tree lights. �śI have a confession�Ś I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Heart skipping a beat Ethan locked gazes with Trevor. �śGood,” he managed to say though he was overcome with emotion. �śBecause I know I’m falling for you.” Cupping the back of Trevor’s head, he kissed him passionately, thinking this might be the best Christmas ever.





r r r


On Christmas Day, Trevor was tired but too happy to care as he hefted the bag of presents over his shoulder and walked with Ethan �" who was dressed as Santa and carrying a second bag of presents �" into Casey’s room. The little girl was wide awake and talking to her mom about the presents she had spread out on her bed.

�śHo, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, Casey!” Ethan threw his voice to make it sound older and deeper. He went over to the bed and gave her a gentle hug.

�śMerry Christmas Santa! Merry Christmas, Doctor Hayes!” Casey gave them both a bright smile, practically bouncing in the bed.

�śMerry Christmas, Casey!” Trevor smiled back at her. �śAnd you as well, Amanda.” �śThanks, we’re going to have a special one aren’t we, honey?” Amanda stroked Casey’s hair. �śWe’re going to Skype soon and all open our gifts together.”

�śYep, it’s gonna be cool.” �śWonderful,” Ethan replied with a booming laugh. �śI have one special gift I wanted to deliver myself and Doctor Hayes volunteered to help while the elves watch over my reindeer.”

�śWow, what is it?” Casey peered over at the bags. Trevor was grinning as he set the bag down and helped Ethan rifle through his for Casey’s gift. Her enthusiasm was infectious and he loved how happy they were making her. �śHere you go, Santa.”

Ethan took the gift from him with a wink. �śThank you.” He then passed it to Casey. �śHere you go, sweetie.” �śYay, thank you Santa!” Casey tore open the present and squealed as she saw the Rapunzel doll. �śMom, look!” Casey showed her then hugged the box to her chest. �śIt’s just what I wanted.”

Sharing a look with Ethan, Trevor knew this was what Christmas was all about. And they hadn’t even told them the good news yet.

Seeming to read his mind Ethan said, �śDoctor Hayes has some good news to go with your gift too.” �śI do.” Trevor reached for Casey’s chart and scribbled his name on the paper. �śAmanda, I’m happy to tell you: Casey can continue treatment at home with oral antibiotics and we’ll be discharging her within the hour.”

Amanda’s hand flew to her mouth and her eyes grew misty. �śReally? Did you hear that, Casey? We’re going to go home and see Dad and Cody.” She hugged her daughter and kissed the top of Casey’s head. �śWe’ll all be together.”

�śYay!” Casey clapped her hands. �śMom, call them and tell them to wait for us to make Dad’s pancakes.” Everyone laughed as Amanda walked around the bed, hugging and thanking them both before she began searching for her phone. Ethan knelt beside Casey’s bed and took her hand. �śYou’re a trooper and I’m really glad you get to go home. Enjoy your Christmas, okay? I’ll see you next year.”

Casey kissed Ethan’s bearded cheek. �śOkay, Santa. But I can’t leave until I say goodbye to Doctor Reed.”

�śOh,” Ethan looked over at Trevor for help. �śWe’ll see if Doctor Hayes can find him.” Ethan stood and Trevor grabbed his bag of presents. �śI think I know where he is, I’ll be back with him in just a few minutes, okay?”

�śOkay.” Casey turned as her mom dialed a number on her phone. �śDad?” Once they were out of earshot and heading to the changing room Ethan said, �śI didn’t think she’d want to say good-bye. Would you mind being Santa?”

�śWell, I’m not sure I’ll be as good as you but okay. I think it’ll be fun.” They entered the break room together, set the bags down, then Ethan began taking off the Santa suit as Trevor hung up his doctor’s coat. �śI was going to thank you for being a good sport but since you’re already on board,” Ethan’s eyes twinkled and he gave Trevor a leer, �śI guess�"”

�śOh wait a minute.” Trevor removed the fake beard from Ethan’s face and held onto it. �śThis thing is itchy and red is not my color and�"”

Laughing, Ethan pulled him in for a kiss. �śAll right then, remind me to thank you later,” he breathed against Trevor’s lips and he felt a shiver run down his spine. God, he couldn’t get enough of Ethan. He kissed him again, wishing they had more time but knowing they had to hurry if they were going to make dinner at Ethan’s parents. Still, Trevor pushed the jacket off but Ethan grabbed his hand.

�śWe can’t right now. Not enough time.” Ethan pressed one more long kiss to Trevor’s lips then stepped back. �śLater. I promise.”

Trevor slipped on the red jacket as Ethan passed it to him. �śI know, I just couldn’t help myself. You make me crazy, babe.” �śEven dressed as a fat guy in a red suit?” Ethan’s grin split his face.

�śEven then, ’cause it’s you underneath.” Ethan gave him a tender look as helped Trevor put on the rest of the suit. When he was dressed, Ethan slipped the beard over Trevor’s face and placed the hat on his head. �śThere we go. You’re all set.”

Trevor looked down at the suit. �śThink I’ll pass then?” �śYep.” Ethan adjusted the itchy beard and gave him a once over which made Trevor shift his stance. He was surprised when Ethan gave him another soft kiss.

�śWhat was that for?”

�śFor giving me what I wanted this Christmas.”

�śOh?”

The door opened and Trevor thought Ethan might scramble away, but to his delight, he didn’t. Mia, one of the nurses came in. �śThere you two are,” she said in her Brooklyn accent. �śThe kids are waiting.”

Ethan became shy but he nodded. �śWe, uh, had to switch. Casey wanted to say goodbye so Trevor is going to be Santa now.”

Giving them a knowing look, Mia nodded. �śRight. That’s sweet. She really took a shine to you.”

�śYep, because he makes the kids feel special and doesn’t keep the truth from them,” Trevor said with admiration. He found it endearing when Ethan almost blushed. �śReady?”

�śYep.”

Together they walked to the bags, stopping when Mia pointed up with a smirk. �śMistletoe.”

�śWe, uh,” Trevor didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want things ruined now when they were going so well. Ethan had said he didn’t care about people at work finding out and Trevor believed him. But he wasn’t sure Ethan would be a fan of PDA.

�śMia, you’ve obviously figured it out,” Ethan said then looked over at her. �śWe’re dating, I really like Trevor, and this is the first Christmas in a long time where I’ve been happy so�Ś”

Trevor let out a gasp when Ethan cupped his face and brushed their lips together. It was a little awkward with the fake beard in the way but it still made Trevor’s heart skip. Ethan had put himself out there for him and he knew without a doubt he was in love with him.

�śWell, I figured as much with those looks you two have been giving each other. I hope you both have a Merry Christmas,” Mia said with a wink before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her.

Sharing a look, they both laughed. �śYou’re what I wanted,” Ethan whispered before he pulled back and Trevor knew he was grinning like a loon.

They had both gotten what they wanted this Christmas. Love. And there was nothing better than that.

The End





About the Author


ANNA LEE graduated from the University of California Riverside with a Bachelor’s Degree in Creative Writing. Living with a disability, she has overcome many challenges and puts her passion for life and love into her writing. She lives with her family and dogs and enjoys writing late into the night.





Trademarks Acknowledgment


The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

Casablanca: Warner Bros. Pictures, Warner Home Video Disney’s Rapunzel: Disney Enterprises, Inc.

Google: Google Inc.

iPad: Apple Inc.

It’s a Wonderful Life: Liberty Films, Paramount Home Entertainment

Jell-O: Kraft Foods Global Brands LLC

Ruby’s Diner: Ruby’s Diner, Inc.

Skype: Skype Limited

Zofran: Glaxo Group Limited





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