How to train slave another myths
Dear Reader,
I came across Mistress Steele's website and have found it a wonderful tool. She is a true jewel in our
society and one to the loved and polished. Please buy her new book Extreme Space and support her
wonderful writing.
The first step is to understand that the Dominant does not really 'train' the submissive into behaviors.
The submissive responds to requests by the dominant with compliance. If this compliance is not
forthcoming then the submissive is not submitting. Forcible submission is illegal although you will run
across a lot of submissive who will insist that you have to 'overcome' their resistance if you are a 'true
or real dominant'. This is false. There is a companion fantasy within the submissive realm that is
aligned with 'forcible compliance' which many new or inexperienced submissives believe is how 'they'
measure the strength of the dominant they are with. In truth, if a submissive fails to comply or offer
simple, direct, voluntary and joyous compliance with your directive then they are not submitting. If an
individual is 'non-submissive' then they cannot be with the dominant/submissive model (in terms of
the moment of the actual request) - if they are outside of that model then in that moment they are
expressing personal dominance, refusal to comply or vanilla expressions of equality. None of which is
wrong but none of which are submissive. The way to address this simple issue is to explain this
concept to the potential submissive and clearly indicate that submission occurs by their
VOLUNTARY choice alone, that the control must come from within them to serve another human
being and cannot and willnot be non-consensually imposed by you from the outside, which is both
immoral and illegal. Until, if or when they WISH to comply and CHOOSE to comply with your
direction then you will continue working on the submissive process and the relationship with them,
until that point you will dismiss them from any and all 'false submissive protestations or behaviors'
and instruct them to study and think about what it is they wish to do in order to proceed forward, if
anything. In a sense this is called a 'dismissal from presence' although you can sustain a vanilla
friendship while they explore these questions and issues within themselves.
A dominant who 'believes' that they should IMPOSE direction upon a submissive is in actuality
expressing a belief or agreement with non-consensual usage of one human being by another. Other
words for this type of behavior are assault and rape, abuse; mental, physical, spiritual, verbal and
emotional. A dominant experiencing this type of challenge from a submissive or 'presenting
submissive individual' should consider that they are being baited, or that an attempt is being made to
make them behave in an assaultive, abusive or non-consensual way. If the dominant falls for the bait
the 'presenting submissive individual' will correctly identify the behavior as abusive and 'weak' and
will or may then turn on this dominant with actions, words and language of betrayal or ridicule.
What you do not want to do and should not attempt is to be manipulated into behaviors by your
submissive or potential submissive. It is important for you to understand your position as one of
DIRECTION, not discipline or punishment to create behaviors. You are NOT a submissives parent
and should not in any way attempt that role, regardless of the submissives provocations. A favorite
move by some submissives is to propel the behaviors of the dominants in their presence to encourage
'discipline or punishment' (attention) from the dominant which serves THEIR needs. This becomes a
reversed (dominant) behavior toward the dominant. If you were to comply with such behaviors you are
in a greater sense submitting your behavior to their control and direction, which would mean that
YOU would be in the submissive role in the relationship.
Compliance with direction is the submissives greatest challenge or war. It occurs entirely within the
self as the submissive battles with challenging voices of direction within them. These are all of the old
instructions and expectations of behavior which they have learned throughout the entirety of their life.
In order to offer joyous compliance to a dominant the submissive must CONTROL these voices within
themself and CHOOSE to follow the voice of their 'dominant' over all other voices inside of them. The
dominants role in this warfare is to understand the dynamics within the submissive and provide clear,
direct (simple) instructions in a simple step by step manner that they believe their submissive can
comply with at this time. Over the course of the relationship the nature of these directives can grow
more complex and more demanding as the submissive in their part becomes more adept and skilled at
finding that strength within themselves that allows them to choose this path in a positive powerful, and
sustainable way.
Remember that ALL scening is reward. It is the Dominant giving attention to the submissive.
Regardless of external appearance (discipline or punishment suggestions) this reward is offered when
the submissive is offering their unique and powerful compliance to the dominant. Discipline when it
does occur should not include scening but instead materials or lessons in an outside arena (many
Dominants have their submissives write essays about a particular problem they are having) you can
also have your submissive read books which you believe will broaden their understanding of themself
and (my favorite) an outloud reading from a good book on etiquette such as (Emily Post). These types
of activities are designed to be directly helpful to the submissive but not necessarily fun or enjoyable
to them (as a nice spanking would be ). Punishment is to all extents and purposes a warning to the
submissive from the dominant that their behavior is unacceptable as a submissive, or is not submissive
or compliant and may warrant a complete removal of relationship (D/s) if not corrected by the
submissive. Punishment is almost always some form of attention lessening by the dominant toward the
submissive. The hardest thing for any submissive to experience is to be sent away, even for small
periods of time. This becomes true punishment.
Remember that before you begin this path you should engage in detailed conversation about
EXACTLY what you expect (take it one week at a time) in that week. You should also explain what
discipline measures you will take upon what type of failure and what kind of removal of attention you
will take upon failure to offer submission by the submissive.
You are NOT responsible for a submissives ability to submit to you. The choice must come from the
submissive toward you, not the other way around. Your 'role' in large part is to be clear, concise,
direct, simple, honest, trustworthy and CONSISTENT. Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Keep it simple in the beginning and create an open comment period with your submissive to view their
side of things as you go along.
Do NOT create walls of fear or intimidation in your communication with your submissive. If you do,
you can easily wander into non-consensual battery and not know it until it is too late. You and your
submissive need to be on the SAME PAGE in your experiences together. You need to know how they
feel and they need to know how you feel. Revealment of feelings is not a sign of weakness but a sign
of strength and honesty.
Dog training
How this article came to be
Lord Koi and I have a basset hound puppy. Notoriously known as stubborn and lazy dogs. Sound like
bad traits for a sub? :) So there we were, in the middle of working on slave training and we have a
"bad" dog.
We researched, bought books and set forth training our stubborn hound. While reading we noticed a
lot of principals that can be applied rather smartly to slave training.
We often joked about the similarities slave and dog training. While I hope this article is very
informative, I also hope a smile creeps onto your face when you think how similar the two can be.
Lord Koi and I are big animal lovers and hope this article does not offend. We hope that no one
excersizes any cruety towards animals.
Lesson One: Setting up the Basics
Where may they sleep?
Where may they eat?
With what may they eat?
Where may they hang out?
Where may they relieve themself?
With the exception of the later one for some couples, these are similar to questions that come into your
head when training a slave.
Basset Hound
Do you want your slave to have a cage, should they always sleep on the bed, etc... IMO makingything
a privledge can allow your slave to feel their position. Never sitting at the table, never sitting in a
chair, etc.. during slave training can further show your sub where they can be.
Lesson Two: Deciding the Rules
Do you want to allow your slave on furniture?
Are they allowed on the bed?
Are they allowed to beg?
These should be agreed upon from the start, changing rules is a hard task.
Lesson Three: Establishing the bond
The bond between a Master and his slave is very important. The slave will come to rely on the Master
for descions, and their health at times. For dogs, the key ingredient to bonding is time. For slaves, the
two keys are time and trust. Trust emcompassing honesty, being attuned to emotions and their safety.
Lesson Four: Be your slave's leader
Quoted from a dog book, "Your puppy needs a leader, You, as the leader, are always fair, never asking
anything that the puppy is unable to give. Praise, corrections and commands will be given as needed,
in a spirit of fairness. The leader is firm when needed but is always affectionate and loving. The leader
always demarnds respect."
Sound amazing like what a Dom/Trainer needs to be?
Here the dog book continues, "If you are not your puppy's leader, you will not be respected. In dog's
terms, a dog that is not respected is considered weak and low in the pecking order."
The concept of "free training"
Free training is simply praising a slave when they do something right without telling them to do so.
For example when the dog uses the restroom in the right place, the Owner sees and praises him.
Without knowing this was a dog technique, Lord Koi ultizied this technique often with me. A good
example for a slave is Lord Koi goes to pick up dinner, he does not tell me to set the table and have all
what we need ready, but I did so anyways. He comes home and automatically says "Good girl".
This lets the slave have some flexibility in serving. Relieving the Dom from an Dom Order - slave
follow - another Dom order - slave does repition that can bore slave training.
Puppy examples of ways to be a Dominant
These simple examples can really be a good place to start when planning your daily rituals and rules.
- Always eat first, then feed your puppy
- Go through doors first
- Daily rituals are important
- Stand over your puppy in a dominant position
- Give her permission to do things
- Don't pet your puppy everytime she asks for petting
A few final words
We hope this article encourages you to expand your horizons on for training. A good puppy training
book is an excellent addition to your s&m library, not only for people interested in human pet play, but
everyone.
Let me leave you with this excellent quote:
"Dog training is not something you DO to your dog - it is something you and your dog DO
TOGETHER. You and your dog will both be learning."