MBD Determination Test 88-9b
Greetings, Troubleshooter! The Computer requires you to answer all questions on this test, the Mandatory Bonus Duty Determination Test 88-9b.
This fun and interesting test was designed by the loyal citizens of HPD & Mind Control. Based on your answers to this test, The Computer will
assign you the Mandatory Bonus Duty best suited to your particular skills. Rejoice, for The Computer never assigns citizens duties they are not
trained for.
To assure that you are relaxed during this test, a number of Truth-Bores will be implanted temporarily in your skull. Please ignore these. They are
for your convenience only.
There are six sections to the 88-9b. Each set of questions relates to one Mandatory Bonus Duty. How you answer these questions determines
your suitability for that position.
You will get to answer both multiple-choice and short essay questions. Read each multiple-choice question carefully and check the one box that
best describes your feelings. Do not check more than one box per question! Checking more than one box per question is a Bad Thing.
There is one short essay question at the end of each section. Read the question, then print your answer clearly in the space provided. Do not
write in the boxes labeled Official use only. Writing in these boxes is also a Bad Thing.
After completing the test, write your name and service group in the blanks provided and hand the test back to your briefing officer.
% Team leader % Loyalty officer % Hygiene officer
1. If a mission succeeds, who deserves 1. If The Computer ordered me to execute 1. Which is most important?
the most credit? a High Programmer, but the High qð A. Clean thoughts.
qð A. The team leader. Programmer claimed the message was
qð B. A clean jumpsuit.
the result of Commie sabotage, I would:
qð B. The briefing officer.
qð C. Clean teeth.
qð A. Look for the Commies responsible.
qð C. R&D.
2. If I were a bot, I would be:
qð B. Consult The Computer for confirmation.
2. I think: qð A. A docbot.
qð C. Execute the High Programmer.
qð A. I am very skilled.
qð B. A warbot.
2. If a citizen was grumbling about how
qð B. I am moderately skilled.
qð C. A jackobot.
dangerous a mission is, I would:
qð C. I have no skills.
3. An appropriate fine for a citizen who
qð A. Execute him for treason.
3. If I were team leader I would: damages his jumpsuit is:
qð B. Refer him to the happiness officer.
qð A. Make fewer mistakes than I do now. qð A. 2 credits.
qð C. Record his comments for referral to The
qð B. Make more mistakes than I do now. qð B. 200 credits.
Computer.
qð C. Make the same number of mistakes. qð C. Summary execution by tacnuke.
3. If an ULTRAVIOLET citizen ordered me
4. If offered a position in a secret society 4. My favorite cleaning agent is:
to terminate myself, I would:
I would: qð A. Mr. Squeaky: Squeaky Clean
qð A. Terminate the ULTRAVIOLET citizen.
and What a Sheen!
qð A. Accept the position and renounce my
qð B. Call The Computer.
current secret society.
qð B. Blast It Off: Just One Spray
qð C. Terminate myself.
Makes Dirt Go Away!
qð B. Decline and remain in my current secret
society. 4. I think Commies are:
qð C. Scrape-o-matic: It Works Hard
qð A. Misled.
So You Don t Have To!
qð C. Start my own secret society.
qð B. Innately evil.
5. Some citizens classify Commies and
5. The team leader should:
qð C. Not worth thinking about.
mutants as traitors. I think they are:
qð A. Solicit advice from team members
even though they may be Commie Mutant qð A. Mr. Squeaky: Squeaky Clean
5. I have traitorous thoughts:
Traitors. and What a Sheen!
qð A. Almost never.
qð B. Make all decisions on his own. qð B. Blast It Off: Just One Spray
qð B. Occasionally.
Makes Dirt Go Away!
qð C. Hesitate when faced with a decision.
qð C. With alarming frequency.
qð C. Scrape-o-matic: It Works Hard
6. The hygiene officer is:
6. If I saw a Commie escaping down a
So You Don t Have To!
qð A. More important than the team leader.
corridor of a higher security clearance
6. The hygiene officer is:
qð B. Just as important as the team leader.
than I was, I would:
qð A. More important than the team leader.
qð C. Less important than the team leader. qð A. Pursue the Commie.
qð B. Just as important as the team leader.
qð B. Consult The Computer.
If a Troubleshooter team is in constant contact
qð C. Less important than the team leader.
qð C. Order the Commie to surrender.
with The Computer, why does it need a team
Would you pursue a Commie into a filthy,
leader?
Why do you think The Computer assigns
debris strewn corridor even though it might
Troubleshooters to boring missions? Does this
damage your jumpsuit? If yes, why would you
____________________________________
promote disloyal behavior? Explain.
intentionally endanger The Computer s valuable
____________________________________ ____________________________________
property? If no, why would you deliberately let
a Commie escape?
____________________________________ ____________________________________
____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________
____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________
____________________________________ ____________________________________
Official use only Official use only Official use only
Copyright ©2004 Eric Goldberg and Greg Costikyan.
Permission granted to photocopy for personal use only. Warning: Unauthorized photocopying is treason!
 % C o m m u n i c a t i o n s a n d % Equipment guy % Happiness officer
recording officer
1. The equipment guy should call a 1. In my opinion, unhappy citizens
surprise inspection: should:
1. When interviewing a berserk warbot,
qð A. Almost never. qð A. Visit a Bright Vision Re-education Center.
the most important consideration is:
qð B. In the middle of a battle. qð B. Undergo morale adjustment surgery.
qð A. Not damaging the multicorder.
qð C. With unnerving frequency. qð C. Take a Happy Pill.
qð B. To ask intelligent questions.
qð C. Creative camera angles.
2. If I were a bot, I would be: 2. Sometimes other citizens get:
qð A. A docbot. qð A. Very angry.
2. Actors such as Teela-O-MLY are:
qð B. A warbot. qð B. A little angry.
qð A. Less important than average Alpha
Complex citizens.
qð C. A jackobot. qð C. So angry it scares me.
qð B. Just as important as average Alpha
3. The scientists at R&D are: 3. Happiness is:
Complex citizens.
qð A. Shining examples of how loyal citizens qð A. A warm laser.
qð C. More important than average Alpha
should behave.
qð B. A state of mind.
Complex citizens.
qð B. Dangerous and should be watched
qð C. Mandatory.
closely.
3. If my team were under Commie attack,
4. If the happiness officer is unhappy, he
I would:
qð C. Just doing their job.
should:
qð A. Consult The Computer.
4. If a laser malfunctions during a
qð A. Take a Happy Pill.
qð B. Help turn back the foul traitors.
mission, whose fault is it?
qð B. Tell The Computer.
qð A. The supply clerk who issued the
qð C. Look for creative camera angles.
equipment.
qð C. Question his very existence.
4. If I had my way, I would:
qð B. The Troubleshooter who received the
5. The best Troubleshooter is a:
qð A. Watch more vidshows.
equipment.
qð A. Happy Troubleshooter.
qð B. Continue to watch the same number of
qð C. The equipment guy.
vidshows. qð B. Loyal Troubleshooter.
5. I like bots:
qð C. Read a book. qð C. Terminated Troubleshooter.
qð A. A little.
5. If I were multicording a traitor s 6. If I am promoted to ULTRAVIOLET
qð B. A great deal.
confession, I would: clearance, I will:
qð C. A lot more than you can possibly imagine.
qð A. Activate the aura light-sensor. qð A. Be the same citizen I am now.
qð B. Use a wide-angle lens. qð B. Make everyone around me happy.
6. If a Commie bomb needs defusing,
qð C. Shoot him in the head. who should do it? qð C. Be happier than I am now.
qð A. The equipment guy.
Do you think Commies are happy? If not, then
6. If The Computer called during a
qð B. The Troubleshooter with the most
why are they willing to endure termination
dangerous situation, I would:
demolitions experience.
rather than stop being Commies?
qð A. Step back and talk to The Computer. ____________________________________
qð C. Whoever draws the short straw.
qð B. Not answer The Computer.
____________________________________
How valuable are you to The Computer in terms
qð C. Put The Computer on hold until the
____________________________________
of credits? How did you arrive at this figure?
situation is resolved, then explain what
happened.
____________________________________
____________________________________
Is The Computer everywhere? If no, please
____________________________________
____________________________________
list all places The Computer is not. If yes, why
____________________________________
is a communications and recording officer
____________________________________
____________________________________
necessary?
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
Official use only Official use only Official use only
% Bonus Tie-Breaker
Question
Name: _____________________ ___  ____  1 2 3 4 5 6 ___
[assigned name] [clearance] [sector] [circle or write clone number]
If I had my choice, I would be the:
qð A. Team leader.
Service group:______________________________________________________________
qð B. Hygiene officer.
Service firm: _______________________________________________________________
qð C. Loyalty officer.
qð D. Happiness officer.
Secret society:______________________________________________________________
qð E. Equipment guy.
How do you think this test could be improved? Write your answer here:
qð F. Communications and recording
officer.
Find more non-treasonous PARANOIA material online at the Mongoose Publishing Web site, www.mongoosepublishing.com. Compliance is mandatory.
Loyalty Officer Team Leader
Congratulations, citizen! Because of your unique abilities
Congratulations, citizen! In recognition of your exemplary
you ve been selected to serve as team leader. This is a
service, you have been chosen as loyalty officer for this
vital assignment, and your selection demonstrates The
mission. This appointment shows The Computer s special
Computer s exceptional faith in you.
faith in you.
As team leader you must coordinate the efforts of your
Your duties include watching your fellow Troubleshooters
fellow Troubleshooters, using their diverse talents and skills
for signs of substandard zeal, recording and reporting any
to successfully complete your mission assignment. To this
incidents of disloyalty and taking immediate corrective action
end, The Computer has provided you with all necessary
when the opportunity arises.
equipment. However, if you feel The Computer may have
You report directly to The Computer, not to your team
overlooked some of your needs, please don t hesitate to
leader. You must be ever vigilant. Any Troubleshooter can
point this out.
spot blatant Commie sabotage, but it is your highly trained
At times your team may engage in combat with evil Commie
eye The Computer relies on to see Commie plots before
mutant traitors. In such situations your superior tactical
they hatch.
knowledge will determine the outcome of the battle. Deploy
Study The 10 Early Warning Signs of Commie
your team carefully. Keep those fire lanes clear!
Traitorism. Observe the other Troubleshooters. Note which
Your badge depicts you as the center of your team, with
ones have substandard zeal, which ones use irregular
your expertise and knowledge radiating as inspiration to all.
speech patterns, which ones act funny. You are the eyes
The Computer stands ready to assist you in these tasks.
of The Computer, ever watchful, always observant, forever
Good luck, citizen! The sensors of The Computer are upon
with your ear to the door.
you.
Remember, only you can prevent Commie traitorism.
Permission granted to photocopy for personal use only.
Warning
: Unauthorized photocopying is treason!
Copyright ©2004 Eric Goldberg and Greg Costikyan.
C&R Officer
Hygiene Officer
Congratulations, citizen! Your Mandatory Bonus Duty for this
Congratulations, citizen! Your MBD is team hygiene offi-
mission is communications and recording officer (C&RO). Your
cer. This is a solemn honor. Only the most trusted servants
two-fold assignment is a high honor and a sign of The Computer s
of The Computer serve as hygiene officer.
trust in you.
Yours are the duties of The Scrubbing Helmet, that
As communications officer, it is your job to handle the com unit.
This is important, as (in the event of personal communication legendary bastion of clean corridors and well-flossed
device malfunction) it is your team s only link to the benevolent Troubleshooters. Serve his memory well!
wisdom of The Computer. Interpret The Computer s instructions,
Your responsibilities include monitoring the PHL (Personal
and relay questions and information to The Computer. Handle this
Hygiene Level) of each team member, reporting when a
duty wisely!
Troubleshooter fails his PHT (Personal Hygiene Test), and
As recording officer, you are in charge of the all-important
implementing ESP (Emergency Sanitation Procedures)
multicorder. Use it to record the mission in exciting detail in
against any and all offenders.
156-bit color with state-of-the-art sound fidelity. Use close-ups,
To aid you, The Computer has generously provided
exotic lighting, scenes shot in infrared and in-depth interviews with
you a PHTCMK (Personal Hygiene Test and Cleanliness
suspected traitors. Missing a scene is treason. Re-stage exciting
Maintenance Kit) for performing PHTs and ESPs on your
moments you may have overlooked. Your recordings may end up
on the evening vidshows for all Alpha Complex to see! fellow Troubleshooters. Consult your briefing officer for
Take your duty seriously. Recent team leader reports indicate instructions.
61% of all mission disasters can be blamed on the C&RO s failure
Take your duty seriously. Recent team leader post-mission
to keep an accurate mission record.
reports indicate 52% of all mission disasters can be blamed
The Computer is everywhere but you must be everywhere else!
on hygiene neglect by the hygiene officer. Failure to report
Don t let The Computer down!
sub-standard PHLs is treason.
Remember, ACTIAMT: A Clean Team Is A Mean Team!
Permission granted to photocopy for personal use only.
Warning
: Unauthorized photocopying is treason!
Copyright ©2004 Eric Goldberg and Greg Costikyan.
Equipment guy
Happiness Officer
Congratulations, citizen! You have been selected as the bots,
Congratulations, citizen! Due to your properly zealous
weapons, vehicles and sundry equipment repair and maintenance
attitude you ve been chosen as happiness officer. This is
officer, colloquially known as the equipment guy. The Computer
a great honor. Only those who know the true joy of being an
trusts you! Why else would you be responsible for every piece of
Alpha Complex citizen are appointed happiness officer. Your
assigned mission equipment?
selection shows The Computer s exceptional faith in you.
As equipment guy, you have many responsibilities. You must
As happiness officer it s your duty to keep team morale high regularly and punctually carry out RSIs (Random Surprise
Inspections). Collect all weapons and equipment your fellow
and to motivate your fellow Troubleshooters with frequent
Troubleshooters carry, and check each item for signs of wear,
pep talks, singalongs, and practical jokes.
misuse and sabotage. If you find evidence of sabotage or tampering,
In addition, you must constantly be on the alert for SSM (Sub-
report it immediately to your loyalty officer or team leader or directly
Standard Morale) among your fellow Troubleshooters. Here
to The Computer. You will be soundly rewarded for your efforts.
are some early warning signs of SSM: argumentativeness, a
It is also your duty to see that all R&D devices assigned to the
reluctance to volunteer, questioning the team leader, habitual
team are tested, bots have their protective asimov circuits checked
frowning when you tell jokes, and a refusal to participate in
regularly and all vehicles perform as intended.
group singalongs.
If your team comes across an Old Reckoning device, you are
As happiness officer you re authorized to give PSDs
responsible for obtaining it and returning it to The Computer for
(Personality Stabilizer Drugs) to any Troubleshooter who analysis.
Finally, you serve as team driver/pilot, except on those occasions
shows signs of SSM. You ll be given a variety of PSDs for
you feel it necessary to appoint someone else to this task.
dispensing. Failure to treat SSM is treason! Remember,
Remember, if it s not broken, fix it!
laugh and the whole Complex laughs with you, cry and you
fry alone.
Permission granted to photocopy for personal use only.
Warning
: Unauthorized photocopying is treason!
Copyright ©2004 Eric Goldberg and Greg Costikyan.