So you want to meet a Domme! http://www.jaggery.com/meetdomm.htm
So you want to meet a Domme, huh?
Introduction
I've written this page for two reasons; you're going to find it a) useful and b) the advice contained within it
should help stop you looking like an idiot. You'll have got the URL for this page from someone, somewhere,
sometime, in some irc chatroom, and you've been given it because you've asked about meeting a Domme, or
otherwise indicated that you'd like to submit to a woman. You may have done it politely, you may have made
a fool of yourself - I have no way of knowing. Consequently, don't take it that personally - I don't know who
you are, or the circumstances under which you've arrived here. The chances are however that you are in
danger of making yourself look stupid, or that you're pestering women in an irc chat room, so please spend
the few moments it takes to read this page - it will be worth it.
Before we move onto the information itself, lets make one thing perfectly crystal clear: I am not a Domme. I
am not even a woman. Do NOT pm me thinking that I am, because I'm not. I'm also NOT looking for
male submissives anyway, so it's a total waste of both your time and mine, ok?
Well, having got that little, (but important) point out of the way, lets carry on, shall we. The following are a
list of things that you might want to bear in mind.
There are lots of male submissives.
You are not the only male submissive in the world. In fact, within the BDSM scene you're just about the
lowest of the low. Sorry if that sounds depressing, but it's the truth, and you might as well hear it from me in
a polite form, instead of from someone else in a chatroom who is rather less than polite. Simply coming into
a chat room and telling people that you're a male submissive isn't going to mean a thing. Quite frankly, we
don't care. Worse still is telling people that you're a male submissive, and which lucky mistress would like
you as their slave. They will NOT be interested. Most likely they already have a submissive, and they're
probably not looking for another one. So, to really hammer the point home: THIS APPROACH WILL NOT
WORK!
There are not that many Dommes.
The pecking order goes a bit like this - at the top of the heap are female submissives. They are rare, delightful
creatures, few and far between. Next down come Dommes. You don't tend to get an awful lot of those either.
Next in the order are Doms. There are quite a lot of us, believe me. Finally we get to the largest group of all,
the male submissive.
Consequently, don't treat all Dommes as the same. If you've read this far, you may be a tad pissed off with
me for calling you a male submissive. Just think how much more annoying it is for a Domme to exist in your
mind as nothing more than a woman who may want a submissive. You are denying her everything about her,
except her sex and the fact that she can tell you what to do. Believe me, this is a really bad idea - the level of
interest in you will be zero. If it's not zero it's almost certainly because she thinks you're a joke. (Of course,
it's entirely possible that's what you get off on, but we'll assume that you do actually want a Domme for all
the right reasons, ok?)
Dommes do not like to be pestered.
In fact, no-one likes to be pestered. In fact, no-one likes people who whine. God knows that we see enough
male submissives who do. Ensure that you do not fall into that category. Actually, it's probably too late,
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So you want to meet a Domme! http://www.jaggery.com/meetdomm.htm
because that's one of the reasons that someone may have pointed out this web page to you. So make sure you
stop that behaviour right now!
Female submissives are not Dommes in disguise.
You may be tempted to talk to a female submissive in the hopes of persuading her that actually, she's really a
Domme and hasn't met the right submissive male yet. Trust me when I tell you that every female sub has
heard every line, at least ten times. THIS WILL NOT WORK! A female sub doesn't have to be anything other
than a female submissive - in terms of rarity value they're at the top as it is. Believe me - if a female
submissive wanted to be a Domme, she'd be one. Trying to persuade her that she is will do nothing except
annoy her. It's a really bad idea to annoy a female submissive; they have ways and means that are beyond the
understanding of anyone else, and their revenge will be nothing you'd want to experience. By all means talk
to them - hell, talk to all of us! But please don't try and get her to Domme you.
The positive steps you should take.
Be polite when entering a channel.
This is of course always good manners for anyone. Politeness is a virtue. Do not barge into a channel and tell
everyone your sex, age, location and your particular fetish. We don't care. If we take any notice of this at all
it's going to be 'oh, it's an idiot. Ignore them'. which is just what you don't want to happen. You will find that
you get on a lot better if you come in, say 'hi', and perhaps explain that you're new to the room. DO NOT
IMMEDIATELY START PM'ING DOMMES. They won't be interested.
It is much better to sit quietly for a while, listening to conversations and getting to know people individually
first, and allowing them to get to know you.
Demonstrate why you're different.
Before looking for a Domme, you need to decide for yourself what makes you different. If you've taken the
trouble to sit in a channel and slowly get involved with it, at some point, someone will ask you about
yourself. This is a key moment in your search for a Domme, so use it wisely. Here are some of the classic
errors that are made at this point:
Your comment: Our thoughts:
I'm very submissive. Big deal, so are all submissives.
I do exactly what I'm told. Well yes.. and?
I'll do anything for the right Mistress. This one is desperate!
I'm excellent at pleasuring my Mistress Oh, ok... he's desperate for a fuck.
I'm rich with my own Penthouse suite. He's a desperate liar.
I'm available for the right Domme! Totally clueless and arrogant.
I'm 23, very fit and highly intelligent. Still totally clueless and stupid.
I'm looking for a Domme! You're a male sub, of course you are.
None of those approaches will work. We see it every night. What makes much more sense is to assume that
we know you're submissive, that you'll do as you're told and all that jazz. So don't tell us, move swiftly onto
something about you that's interesting. What hobbies do you have? What skills have you got? What makes
you an interesting human being? The fact that you're a sub isn't interesting. We know that already. There
are very interesting male submissives - I know lots of them, as do the rest of us. But they are interesting
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So you want to meet a Domme! http://www.jaggery.com/meetdomm.htm
because they are people who happen to be submissive. Do you see the difference? I really hope so!
Tell us why you're different and leave it.
Don't continue whittering on about it. If people are interested, they'll ask you about it. If they do,
congratulations, you've moved onto the next stage in your search. FINDING A DOMME IS A LONG TERM
PROCESS - IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT. If you come into a chat room expecting to find a Domme
who will come around and visit you the same evening or the next day to beat you senseless, just leave the
room right now and go to #bdsm_stupidly_optomistic. After all - why should a Domme want to? She's
probably already got a sub she can phone up and say 'drive over here now, I am in the mood to whack you'.
So just leave it. Don't push it, and don't expect anything to happen tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or this week.
Or probably this month. I'm really sorry - I know that you're desperate - it's clear for all to see, and there's
nothing that is more off-putting than a desperate submissive. It's not pretty and it's not attractive.
Visit the chatroom again. And again.
But visit it as a PERSON. Do not visit as a male submissive desperate for a Domme. We'll just get totally
pissed off with you. However, if you are interesting and a fun person to chat to, you'll be warmly welcomed.
Do this for long enough, and at some point a Domme will turn her eye towards you. (Probably both eyes in
fact. If she does just turn one eye towards you, be slightly worried).
And when you visit, come to the chatroom to meet people. Don't come with the express requirement to meet
the Domme of your dreams. She probably doesn't exist, and if she does, she's the one who is married to me,
ok? Treat all of us Dommes, Doms, submissives just like normal real life people because you know what?
That's exactly what we are. No-one likes being put in a pigeon hole. You don't like me thinking of you as 'just
another male submissive', and quite frankly, I don't blame you. If you don't like it, why would we want to be
pigeon holed either?
When a Domme talks to you.
Obviously be polite. We all like politeness. Dommes usually insist on it. However, don't grovel, since we
don't like that. Most Dommes don't like it. Remember, that she is talking to you because she finds you
interesting - the fact that you're a submissive is taken for granted, so you need to make sure that you think in
those terms as well. Do not immediately launch into a sales pitch about how you're the best sub she'll ever
meet. She won't believe you and she'll lose interest within seconds. Of course, if she asks what you like doing
as a submissive, tell her! DO NOT SAY 'ANYTHING YOU WANT MISTRESS'. This immediately puts you into
the category of sad desperate loser. Tell her what you do like doing, and what you don't like doing. Be clear
about this, since she's going to find out at some point, and you might as well be up front about it - it'll save
your time and hers.
What to do if a Domme expresses an interest.
At that point, you're on your own mate! If however, this little page has helped, do feel free to send me a
tenner!
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