Write Personal http://www.darksideofpassion.com/personal.htm
How to Write an Effective Personal
Dominant ladies receive a LOT of one line requests from submissive men. Most submissive guys don't
realize the extent of mail that we get. If you send a note saying "I want to serve you. I think you are a
Goddess." You can bet hundreds of other guys have sent something similar. Just the numbers alone would
prevent a lady from responding to them since most of us do have things that we do other than write email.
Most guys just do not present themselves well when responding to an ad, placing an ad, or requesting
attention from a Domme. You need to stand out if you want to get a response.
When I was ready to write a personal- looking for a submissive guy- I spent a long time thinking about what
I wanted. I was (and am) very clear on what I want. In addition, I know what I am willing to compromise on
versus what I need in a relationship, and what I have to offer. Incidentally, I never posted that ad.
I have written this as a guide to help submissive guys write better personals.
Some Guidelines:
1. Be honest.
This is probably the most important thing to do. If you are lying or hiding something it WILL be discovered
eventually (probably sooner than you think) and your hope for a relationship will be lost forever. Your new
friend probably won't trust you after that. And why should she? Lying about something will get you nowhere.
I would end the relationship the minute I found out someone was lying to me because I would figure that they
would do anything to get what they want. A guy recently impressed me BIG time by being honest about
something.
However, this doesn't mean you have to 'spill your guts' so to speak. Some things SHOULD be left for
personal face-to-face encounter. If you have children or a family (i.e.: if you are married and looking for
casual play etc.) you probably should mention that- but you don't have to go into your whole history. If you
have grown children or don't have custody- you probably don't need to mention it in your ad.
2. Be specific
You can't find what you are looking for if you don't even know what you are looking for. You may have to
take some time thinking about this- it is worth the time. Look over the list of questions (later in this article)
and do some soul searching. Know yourself and what you have to offer a dominant lady. Know what you
want and what you are willing to compromise of that vs. what you must have in a relationship.
3. Check spelling- USE a dictionary!
A few typos here and there are not going to look bad- but consistently bad spelling throughout any post or ad
does look bad. If English is not your native language then state that- people are more likely to excuse spelling
if they know that you are not speaking your native language.
4. Put some thought into your ad
I mean REALLY put some thought into your ad. Don't just post a quick one sentence request for a Domme.
This will not likely yield any responses. Trust me when I say (again) that dominant ladies get tons of one
sentence requests from submissive guys.
Some questions to think about:
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First- What you are looking for- in general? Are you looking for a long term relationship? A casual play
partner? What EXACTLY are you seeking? What you are seeking in general will dictate the questions that
you should ask yourself. If you are looking for casual play- then it doesn't really matter if you share the same
interests outside of BDSM. But if you are looking for a relationship then it DOES matter- quite a bit.
Now who are YOU?
What do you like within the realm of BDSM?
What are your MAIN interests in BDSM?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
Do you have anything that you are NOT into?
For ideas here you can check out one of the many checklists that are out there. One is here:
What are your interests outside of the realm of BDSM?
What do you have to offer a partner?
A hint about this question: DON'T offer something vague like 'service' or 'my pain for your pleasure' unless
you are seeking a casual situation. Even then it would improve your chances if you offer something other
than that. The reason is because that is so common. You want to stand out. Be creative. Of all the letters I get
from submissive guys wanting a session the ones I am most interested have been the ones that I find creative
and interesting.
Next What are you looking for specifically?
What do you want in a partner within the realm of BDSM?
What do you want in a partner outside of BDSM?
Now- what of that is what you NEED and what of that is what you would like but would be willing to
compromise? There is always compromise in a relationship.
Things to keep in mind.
This is reality. There are no fantasy Dommes or subs out there. We are all real people. In a successful
relationship there is always a balance of give and take. It is no different in the BDSM world. It may look like
the Domme is getting what they want at the expense of the submissive's needs and desires- but this is not so.
A submissive would not stay if they were not getting their own needs met and it is the responsibility of the
Domme to meet his or her submissive's needs to the best of their ability.
Most dominant ladies that I know would LIKE to be romanced- just like vanilla ladies. If you have the
attitude that you need this and you need that- without any apparent willingness to get to know the lady and
meet some of her needs as well, then you probably won't find a partner.
Organizing your personal
Once you have answered any of the relevant questions- organizing your personal is easy. Start with your
statement on what you are seeking in general. Then the section on who you are, what you like and are like.
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Then the specifics about what you seek.
And about space- often there is limited space to post an ad. Just put a brief statement of what you seek and
what you offer and state that you have a complete profile available on request.
About photos
It does help to have photos. But there are some guidelines here too. I generally don't download ANYTHING
from people I don't know. So if a guy sends me an email with a photo attached- I won't usually download it.
There are so many viruses out there and I am paranoid about that. Also I want to know what the GUY looks
like- not just his cock. I like HAIR- so getting a bunch of pictures of a guy's cock is not going to impress me.
Some suggestions for photos
1. If you have AOL and the person you are writing to also has AOL- you can send pictures in an email.
2. You can put up a web site with your personal, including pictures of you and state the URL in your
personal.
3. You can state at the end or your personal that you have photos on request.
The Personal Ad Makeover
Here is a generic and extremely common ad for a Domme.
"Looking for a dominant lady. I am willing to serve."
The problem: WHY should a Domme answer this ad? There is nothing stated about the person posting the ad
or really what they are looking for. Would ANY dominant lady fill your need? That makes you sound
desperate and it also seems to imply that meeting her needs is not really important- since you don't say
anything about meeting her needs. "Willing to serve." is NOT meeting a lady's needs- because there are
usually requirements that go along with this. For example you are willing to serve IF she makes you wear
women's clothing and SHE wears fetish clothing. This is a LOT of work for a lady. We put a lot of time into
planning things and getting dressed. I am not saying that we don't LIKE to do this- I know *I* like to dress
hot- BUT this is still about what YOU need, not what you are willing to give. As much as I LIKE 'forced'
housecleaning, the fact is- when I need my house cleaned- I want it cleaned right. And I don't usually have
time to play around at it. What are you willing to do for HER, whether you get off on it or not?
Now look at the following ad:
I am a 40 year old divorced professional man ultimately looking for a long term relationship. I am
particularly interested in foot worship and service. I am not a masochist but I can take some pain for the right
lady. Outside of BDSM I am interested in hiking and camping, reading novels- mystery mostly, working out
and hunting.
I am 6'1 very clean cut and have an athletic build but I am not a body builder either.
I am looking for a full figured lady that is creative and likes the outdoors as well as she likes BDSM.
Photos available on request.
This is a very short- because I made it up quickly (this person is purely fictitious). But it states:
1. What is he is looking for in general- Long term relationship
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2. What his main interests are within BDSM: foot worship and service
3. What he is willing to compromise: not a masochist- but willing to take some pain
4. What he is interested in outside of BDSM (since he is looking for a long term relationship): hiking,
camping, reading, working out, and hunting
5. A short description of what he looks like.
6. What he is looking for in a lady.
Things that I want to know when I get a letter:
1. First of one of the things that I like to know and is almost NEVER mentioned is this: Where did you
contact me from? Was it my web site, my profile, did you see an ad? I want to know how guys hear of
me. I get a lot of compliments on my stories and these letter I know come from my site. Some are
vague and don t say where they contact me from. I get as many contacts from my AOL profile.
2. Age. I want to know a guy s age. Most say, but some don t
3. I prefer if guys are honest about being married. I am SO tired of getting mail from guys that don t say
right up front that they are married. I don t play with married guys. I personally feel that is why there
are ProDommes. I am not a Pro. You won t trick me into playing with you by NOT telling me you are
married. I am psychic :& - so don t even try.
Where to post your ad:
© 1999 Atheris
All Rights Reserved.
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