The Forever Con by BRAD FERGUSON
Previously unpublished
HE OLD LADY sat quietly in one of the rooms, the three walked down a series of
two comfortable chairs in front of the brightly lighted hallways to the public area. The
Tdesk of Howard Poffenberger, M.D., old lady s bright eyes took in everything they
Ph.D. Her son sat in the other. Dr. passed on the way, especially the many colorful
Poffenberger s office was well appointed. The posters and leaflets taped to the light blue walls
furniture was oak where it wasn t covered with of the corridor. Once in a while, she frowned as
leather, and the mahogany-paneled walls were she saw something she didn t care for, and she
thickly covered with framed academic degrees frowned more and more often as they
and carefully unposed photographs of celebrities approached the common room.  I don t see any
and other important people. organization here at all, she muttered.
 As I stated in my initial letter to you, Dr.  Chaotic, just chaotic.
Poffenberger, Kevin Biederbecke said,  my  Mr. Biederbecke, Dr. Poffenberger said in
mother is no longer happy at the leisure facility low tones,  your letter didn t make clear exactly
where she now resides. To put it as plainly as I why your mother wishes to leave Mount
can, the place simply hasn t lived up to her Willow.
expectations. Promises have been broken and Kevin shrugged.  She s bored up there, pure
guarantees violated   and simple, he replied.  She might have put up
 To say the least, the old woman muttered. with the numerous contract violations on the
  and she would like to leave there as home s part if she felt more involved, but most
soon as possible. We re investigating a number days she just sits around without a chance to do
of facilities in this area. anything. She s always been a very active
 Well, Dr. Poffenberger smiled.  We person, Doctor. She doesn t want to lose her
would certainly be most glad to have Mrs. edge. I don t want her to, either.
Biederbecke   Dr. Poffenberger nodded.  Well, your
 Ms. Biederbecke, the old lady correctly mother wouldn t be bored around here, let me
him. tell you  
 Of course, Ms. Biederbecke, the doctor  What are you two mumbling about? Ms.
said,  and, as I was saying, we at Glory Road Biederbecke called crossly.  C mon, already.
Estates would love to have you living with us. I Get a move on. I want to see the common
certainly feel that your mother would be most room.
happy here at Glory Road, Mr. Biederbecke.
 You can talk to me directly, Doc, Ms. There were about thirty or forty old people
Biederbecke said.  I m not senile. gathered in the common room. Several couples
 Of course you aren t, the doctor said were slow-dancing to classic rock  n roll tunes
quickly.  Do you have any questions, ma am? that had remained popular since their first
 Let s just see the joint, Ms. Biederbecke release fifty years before and more. Others were
said briskly.  I haven t got all day. She put out seated around tables playing games. Kevin
her arm.  Kevin, help me up, please, that s a Biederbecke easily recognized Monopoly and
dear. Challenge, but there were other groups playing
games that involved only oddly-shaped dice and
After inspecting several of the dormitory many pieces of paper.
1
Copyright © 1990, 2000 by Brad Ferguson. All rights reserved.
Duplication or redistribution of this file in any form whatsoever is strictly prohibited.
 The Forever Con by BRAD FERGUSON
Previously unpublished
 Roleplaying, Dr. Poffenberger said to Trek once in a while, when I can stand it 
Kevin s unasked question.  Mostly dungeon- mostly Third Generation, though. I used to edit
and-dwarves stuff. Sometimes a single a Quantum Leap slashzine, too, until my eyes
adventure takes years to complete. started getting a little funny.
 They have the time now, Kevin said,  Have you ever thought about perhaps
nodding. trying a facility in another genre? Dr.
Over in the corner, a group of six laughing Poffenberger asked.  Say, one of the romance
women were singing a nonsense song while homes?
making appropriate gestures:  Are you kidding? Ms. Biederbecke said,
shocked.  Gafiate? Me? Why, I ve been
 If you re happy and you know it, involved in fanac for fifty-seven years, young
point your ears! man  !
If you re happy and you know it,  I m sorry  
point your ears!  A romance resort? she snapped.  Get my
If you re happy and you know it, thrills by being chased around the corridors by
Then here s the way to show it  old coots wearing armor they make themselves
If you re happy and you know it, out of tinfoil? Well, I never! Kevin, take me
point your ears! home. Right now.
Point your ears!  Please, Ms. Biederbecke  ! Dr.
Poffenberger began.
 Trekkies? Kevin asked.  I thought these people were serious,
 That s right, Dr. Poffenberger said. Kevin. She sniffed.  You misled me, son. I
 Unfortunately, they have to amuse themselves really didn t want to come down here at all, you
more and more often, because it s getting hard know.
to find good guests for them. Actually, we re  Sorry, Mom, Kevin said sheepishly.
rather hoping    Let s go back.
 What s that supposed to be? Ms.  Ms. Biederbecke, I do most sincerely
Biederbecke snapped, point at an antique phone apologize, the doctor said.  I meant no offense.
booth standing in the corner of the room. I was simply asking as a matter of curiosity 
 Oh, Dr. Poffenberger said.  That s the inappropriately, I now see. Please forgive me.
Tardis. The Doctor Who fans are rebuilding it  Well  all right, the old lady said.  Might
again. I suppose they ve knocked off for lunch. as well tell you that I did do a few days at a
 They ve got it all wrong, Ms. Biederbecke mystery facility right near Mount Willow last
sniffed.  For one thing, the door opens the other month, just to see what it was like. Place was
way out. Amateurs! called Sherlock Homes. She frowned.  Too
 What are your favorite activities back in cute for my taste. Besides, they were always
Mount Willow, Ms. Biederbecke? asked Dr. solving the same old cases over and over again.
Poffenberger. If I was ever tempted to change horses, that
The old lady shrugged, still examining the cured me.
Tardis.  I don t much care for the Who stuff, but  We do try to keep things lively here at
I dabble in it from time to time. I do some Star Glory Road Estates, Dr. Poffenberger said.  I d
2
Copyright © 1990, 2000 by Brad Ferguson. All rights reserved.
Duplication or redistribution of this file in any form whatsoever is strictly prohibited.
 The Forever Con by BRAD FERGUSON
Previously unpublished
really like to talk more with you and your son her.  Ms. Biederbecke, Mr. Biederbecke, you no
about that, privately and in depth. Is there more doubt know that, a generation or two ago, even
you d like to see, or shall we return to my the best retirement homes were little better than
office? places to park elderly people increasingly
Ms. Biederbecke took a last look around the unable to care for themselves. The best of those
common room.  I think I ve seen enough, she homes were comfortable, and care was at least
said.  Let s go to your office. adequate. The worst of them  well, the horror
stories persist to this day, and we need not go
Dr. Poffenberger had ordered coffee for into them here.
himself and Kevin Biederbecke, but Ms.  That s right, Ms. Biederbecke said,
Biederbecke had insisted on  and gotten  looking at her nails.  Save  em for Halloween.
supercaffeinated cola. They settled down after Go on, Doc.
Ms. Biederbecke refused the doctor s offer of a  Then came your generation, Ms.
cigarette.  Never used  em even after they took Biederbecke  the baby boomers. You were the
all the cancer out, she said.  Well, Doc, what s healthiest and wealthiest generation in
your pitch? American history. Because many of you took
Dr. Poffenberger smiled as sincerely as he care of yourselves earlier in life, your retirement
could manage.  Nothing you haven t heard years found you still active and healthy. You
elsewhere, Ms. Biederbecke, he said.  You were not the kind of people to slink off humbly
know what we can offer you here  to a old-fashioned nursing home where the most
involvement, companionship, security and exciting thing you could expect to do all month
unmatched medical care for as long as you is vote on menus for the following month s
like. meals.
 I can get that deal in other places. Ms. Biederbecke stifled a yawn.  This is
 Not like here, Dr. Poffenberger said. ancient history, Doc.
 Glory Road Estates was one of the very first of  So it is  but history is merely a prelude to
the specialized retirement homes, after all. We the present, and here we are. Glory Road Estates
have more experience than most others  and is one of the oldest and most respected specialty
our reputation speaks for itself. I presume leisure homes in the United States. We cater to
you ve checked our background with the Social the lifelong science fiction fan. No area of
Security Enforcement Division ... ? interest is too arcane for us  why, we even
 Among other agencies, yes, Kevin have a group that s building a replica Time
Biederbecke said.  I can t fault your track Tunnel in the basement. Every day here is a
record, Doctor  but that s not the only factor convention day. There are no dead-dog parties,
in my mother s decision, of course. ever, because the con never ends!
 Of course, Dr. Poffenberger said,  and I d  That s what they said at Mount Willow,
like to discuss that further. Doc. The mutt died, believe me.
 Go right ahead, Doc, Ms. Biederbecke  But, Ms. Biederbecke, we at Glory Road
said, carefully flavoring her tone with a trace of Estates have been willing to put everything in
boredom. writing. Everything.
 I ll be as brief as I can, the doctor assured  Mount Willow put it all in writing, too,
3
Copyright © 1990, 2000 by Brad Ferguson. All rights reserved.
Duplication or redistribution of this file in any form whatsoever is strictly prohibited.
 The Forever Con by BRAD FERGUSON
Previously unpublished
Ms. Biederbecke fumed.  I worked my rear end was, the old lady continued.  I still am. Getting
off for those people, Doc. They d ask me if I old hasn t slowed me up at all.
could find the guy who was the third assistant  But, ma am  
window washer in the twenty-third episode of The old woman scowled, folded her arms,
My Favorite Martian for an appearance, and I and sat silently.
would, because there s no job too tough for me.  Don t you want to come live with us, Ms.
They d have me ask some writers to make Biederbecke?
personal appearances at Mount Willow, too, and She continued staring straight ahead, saying
I d get them to show up, but then the nothing.
administration people would forget to pick them  Mr. Biederbecke  ? Dr. Poffenberger
up at the rapitrans station or accidentally bill said tentatively.
them for expenses or some dumb thing. I mean,  This is Mom s business, Kevin said,
do you know how hard it is to find writers to be shaking his head.  I never interfere.
guests these days? In the first place, all the good Dr. Poffenberger sighed.  All right, all
ones kicked the bucket years ago. right, he said heavily.  We ll tear up the
 I can imagine, Ms. Biederbecke   proposed contract, Ms. Biederbecke. Now, just
 I m the best programming chair there ever how much more money do you want? "
4
Copyright © 1990, 2000 by Brad Ferguson. All rights reserved.
Duplication or redistribution of this file in any form whatsoever is strictly prohibited.