The Perfect Love Affair

I was told once that in order to truly appreciate good music, you needed to treat your interaction with it as a love affair.

Every pulse of the beat, every change in key, every little beautiful combination of notes as they weave together and created something capable of transcending into a different dimension. Transcending to a place where the soul can go, even just for the few sweet moments until the song assaulting your senses fades away.

Like I said…a love affair.

I had always had a thing for music, ever since I was little and my mother would sing my brother and me to sleep. Even now, after many long years since her death, I can still remember her clear voice as it tangled softly with the velvety darkness, each melody perfectly clear. That voice was the one that stayed with me in my dreams, wrapping me in a cocoon of warmth and holding me safe until the sun brightened the horizon, the horrors of the night once again conquered by the bright flame in the sky. Long years have tarnished the absolute clarity that I knew once accompanied my mother's lullabies but I still have not forgotten the breathtaking melodies, each one beautiful and aching enough to steal the breath and capture the soul.

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I still sing them to myself and while my voice is rich and husky, it comes nowhere close to my fading memories.

It was with these simple childhood melodies that my absolute adoration for the musical form began. Even after the failed attempt at bringing my mother back to life so that I could once again hear her sing and the very near loss of my brother my love of music prevailed. Anything that I could get my hands on, I gobbled up greedily, the music my only solace in the discouraging search for returning my brother back to his true body and fixing what was left of my own. I found that the long, grueling hunts that became more and more frustrating were made that much easier if I had a companion by my side that didn't assume or order but gave me a moment or two in time away from reality. Many times, as I think back, I'm sure it was the only thing that kept me sane.

Al understood. Al always understood and many times, he would beg me, wherever we might have been, a train station, a library, headquarters, to sing to him, whatever song I might have been listening to at the time. He said, once, that my singing reminded him of a mother he wished he could remember better. Somehow I doubted that but I sang for him anyway. I would have done anything for my brother then. I still would. I filled up our room at the barracks with old vinyl records, CDs, anything, hunting for more of those few precious songs that would touch something within me, that would allow me to soar.

It was absolute freedom in a few well-transcribed notes, in the right emotion in a singer's voice, in the clear keening of a mournful violin.

I was asked about it, not long before my brother and I found our way back to that place, the place that stolen everything from us. A dark haired Brigadier General with even darker eyes had paused one day as I lay on one of his couches waiting to make a report with my ears plugged by small ear buds, the melodic genius of Chopin sighing softly in my ears. It must have shown on my face, the absolute bliss as the etude blocked away the world for the man had regarded me quietly without my knowledge for who knows how long before leaning down and yanking a headphone off my ear.

"HEY! WHAT GIVES!?" even at sixteen, I had never been subtle and then I didn't realize the man just wanted to know me, not to annoy me. The curling of the deadly smirk had always been my undoing, firing up my rage to angry, sweltering temperatures.

"My, my, Fullmetal. Hot headed as always, I see," the man had sneered, handing me back the ear bud and I had glared at him for a moment, disgruntled that my high had been shattered by such a cold, arrogant bastard.

"What the hell do you want?!" I had demanded hotly, regretfully putting the ipod away so that I could properly defend myself against whatever anguish the older man descended to throw my way that day. He had calmly walked over to his desk, depositing some books he had been carrying before he deemed me worthy enough to address me again.

"I should be asking you that, seeing as this is my office," that was when I remembered my report and I had gritted my teeth as I gave it to him, staring out the window into a cold courtyard as he read. I wasn't sure why I was so opposed to the older man. Perhaps it was his overly confident attitude or that he seemed to know me better that I even knew myself at times. Whatever it was, Roy Mustang had always had a knack for getting under my skin. Now, I can see my own folly but then I seemed to need the adversity, refusing to recognize what was under the cool steel that guarded those dark, slanted eyes.

I was leaving the office and feeling very relieved to be doing so when he asked the question.

"Why is it you are so drawn to music, Fullmetal?" his voice had been soft, lacking its usual authority and the raw emotion in it caught me off guard. It was like longing, something I had never associated with the General before but the deep onyx gaze had been steady when I met it with my own bright stare. The mask was still in place but the words echoed in the quiet room, making me feel like I would be less than a person should I tell anything other than the absolute truth.

"It breaks my heart," I had whispered, longing clear in my own husky tones and the pale features had arranged themselves into something resembling shock, the expression amusing on the handsome face, "and it makes me remember that I still have one. See you later, Brigadier General." It was the first time I had allowed myself to think of the older man as human. It was also the first time I allowed myself to think of him as devastatingly good looking. For some reason, as I made my way through the long, sweeping hallways, recalling the softened expression I had caught just before exiting the room, I realized it did not bother me as much as I thought it might have.

In that one moment, the boy had bared his soul to me, had shown me everything he had kept hidden away for who knows how long and the longing in his voice resonated painfully with that in my own heart.

It seemed we were more alike than I had realized.

What I didn't realize, as I watched his back when he turned away, was how much I was going to miss the particular shade of gold his eyes were while he was gone.

I did not see Roy again until after I restored my brother to his body and my limbs to their original state.

By then, we both had more scars, more shadows lurking behind our eyes and instead of barbs, had managed to greet each other with a smile. If my mind had been open, I would have realized it sooner but two years not in each other's company does strange things with the psyche, especially considering our parting words and I had dwelled upon the man in my thoughts for that period of separation quite often.

Actually, it took a lot for me to return to my status as State Alchemist and that was discounting the brutal examination I had to take upon expressing my desire to return to the military. The headquarters of Central were greatly changed by a war I had helped to fight and memories plagued my mind as I was settled into a private room at the barracks, glad for a moment my brother had decided not to come with me. It was just as well; that boy needed to grow a pair and ask that damn mechanic to marry him already. I had refused, upon my first night back and finding myself dreadfully alone in a long while, to feel sorry for myself. Instead I lost myself in the hardest rock and roll I had at my disposal and sprawled on the cold floor. For a while, I allowed myself to feel, allowed the steady, insistent beat to roll over me, turning me into nothing more than a conductor made of flesh, my soul drifting away to make acquaintances with yet another unfamiliar ceiling.

**

I had not liked that my mouth was dry and my palms were sweaty as I knocked on a familiar door the next day, hating that I was nervous just over seeing Roy again. Yet trying to play it off as unwillingness to see someone I disliked again left me feeling empty and strange.

I didn't know what I was expecting but the dark eyes that lifted from their position on the desk when I stepped into the room were no different from when I left. A little more haunted perhaps, hidden a little more thoroughly as the dark hair seemed to be in need of a cut but the man was the same. I ignored the way my heart sped up as the slanted gaze widened for a moment or the way my body seemed to light up as the neat, curved lips parted with words that seemed unwilling and shy. We had stared at one another for a long, brittle moment, the air almost too heavy for my lungs to process before the older man seemed to get a handle on his shock. The folded hands in front of his face were the donning of an icy mask I had always hated.

He was there, right in front of me, a golden vision, so impossibly beautiful and for a moment I was sure it couldn't be real. Perfect in every way, with his wide slanted eyes, slender build, long hair.

It had been so long since I had last seen him, years, and the stunning image he presented stole my breath.

My heart he had already stolen a long time ago…

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Fullmetal?" his voice was still soft, like the finest silk but I was sure it had never had such an effect on me before. It was all I could do to keep the fiery blush from painting itself all over my features as it seemed to have been trying to. Instead I allowed a small, wry smile and pulled the glove from my right hand, lifting the tawny, slender digits so he might see them clearly.

"That name I do not need anymore," I said while wondering at what emotion had caused those dark eyes to deepen as they did then. I knew I had changed and not only by gaining my true limbs. I was much taller, probably nearly as tall as Roy himself, though he had never been overly tall either. My hair was longer, nearly at my waist and after the promise to keep it long had been fulfilled, affection had taken its place so I had never bothered to cut it. What was left of my boyish looks had melted away and my sharp features were made sharper by the imposing color of my wide eyes. To me, whenever I looked in the mirror, I thought the effect was a bit…drastic but I saw then, as I would continue to see for a long time to come, that Roy seemed to like the changes. Again I had been surprised at how little it bothered me, to be thinking as such, to like the positive appraisal.

"Indeed you do not," he had said softly from behind his linked hands and the weight of so many things left unsaid nearly crushed me before the corner of the older man's mouth twitched, "Well, it seems we'll have to come up with a new name for you then," that was our first shared smile.

I never was given another name as it appeared Fullmetal was irrevocably irreversible. Not that I minded. I had become fond, in the weeks after my return, of how it sounded when it rolled off Roy's tongue.

It reminded me of a melody I had yet to hear.

It reminded me of a chance at another kind of love affair that was many times more potent than that I already had with music. The matter of loving something such as that was one thing. The matter of that love being returned by someone is another thing entirely.

**

Snow drifted past the windows in a slow, silent dance that whispered in ghostly voices before they were lost amid the thickening blanket already draped over the ground. Cold frosted the thin panes, blocking out the quiet night, making the golden warmth permeating the room that much better. At one time, the sight of the first snowfall would have sent me into a spiral of despair. Winter with automail was worse than rain in the summer because while the combination of the heat and humidity were exceedingly uncomfortable, the brutal, unforgiving cold of the year's last season hurt. It would seize hold of the metal, wrapping it in an unforgiving embrace that would freeze the portals in my arm and leg before it leaked unto the rest of my body, lowering its temperature, leaving me miserable and unable to get warm again for hours.

I watched lazily from the floor of my room the lacy flakes as they brushed up against the clear barrier of the glass, basking in the solitary heat of the space heater glowing softly near the bed. It was probably a dangerous place for it to be but I preferred the blankets to be somewhat warm when I crawled into them, so that I was not reminded once again how I wished for another means of heat to warm them. While there was no more aching metal limbs to contend with, something else had take their place.

In the time I had spent, praying, obsessing, striving to return both my brother and myself to our original bodies, I had not realized how desperately lonely I was. There hadn't been any time to think on that then.

But somehow I had realized while in Resembool, during the time after which I tried to find a place in life where I belonged, I realized how little I truly had.

Sure, I had my brother and we were both whole, for which I was very grateful. Yes, I had Winry and Granny Pinko. They were family and I loved them. I had not thought, however, about just how hard it would be trying to go back to a life I never really had in the first place.

I found that the only thing that didn't remind me of what might have been was the music.

Yet even that had ceased to be enough.

Coming up with an excuse to knock on one of my subordinates doors in the middle of the night and during a snow storm was easy. Actually doing it was the hard part.

Even the snow blanketing the ground, rendering the world soft and silent had not stopped me from stepping from my warm house and finding my way to the quiet barracks, my tracks slowly erased by the storm. Ever since his return, he was all I was able to think about, the bright color of gold filling my dreams and the fierce vitality holding my thoughts captive. Going to see him as I was now was probably not the wisest decision I have ever made but he had crawled under my skin since his return to Central and I was helpless against it.

Yet the blank door at the end of the third floor hall that looked like every other door in the building and behind which was a beautiful blond young man offered no answers as I stared at it.

For all the confidence I might have had, when faced with the burning fire that was Edward Elric, I was nothing but ash.

So here I lay, on the cold floor of a room that still felt strange and foreign even after three months and sank into the beat pulsing through the buds in my ears, thumping anxiously against my eardrums. It was easy to get lost in it, the complexity of it, seeping out from the places in my brain affected by such things, touching upon every nerve ending until that was all I knew. Everything about the song, this song, touching upon my soul was beautiful, the way it slowly built, each wave complex and ever changing. And when a strong, clear tenor was added, I was swept away, sighing in bliss.

I wondered at the picture I must have made as I sprawled on the floor, arms and legs haphazardly spread around me but whatever I might have looked like, it didn't matter. This was the one time I was allowed to forget that I, in fact, had no one to walk in on me now, wrapped in the warm arms of electrified guitars, the steady beat of a drum and a man's voice. A piano interceded briefly, achingly sweet as its mellow tones gently mingled with the lyrics. The way the notes bled into each other was perfect and I let them touch me in a way that had become familiar, filling me with an ache that nearly had me weeping in its potency.

It swept away the world, the room becoming nothing but a smoky haze around me. I could see the snow still dancing on the other side of the window pane and the slow, swirling fall interceded, became part of the bright world I had been transported to. Here the longing was that much more poignant until I was nothing more than that feeling, lost amid the soft fall of phantom lace that kissed like death as it touched my skin. And there, in that world, a pair of eyes watched me, watched as I fell, their black, bottomless depths searing as the gaze delved into my soul.

This, too, was familiar, this fantasy, the one I had every time I had a little time to myself. A fantasy that was full of a dark haired man with a charming smile and hair the color of the raven's wings.

Once the music had been enough and then I laid eyes on Brigadier General Roy Mustang for the first time in more than two years.

Now he was the music.

If only I had the courage to say such to him but the fear of those beautiful eyes narrowing in disgust and the velvety voice laughing at me was enough to strangle the words before they could leave my lips. Maybe it was just my desire, the insatiable need to have someone in my life that drew me to the older man but there was no denying his appeal. Dark, confident, handsome with a voice that seemed to have an almost physical touch, his pale skin only a few shades darker than the snow that fell behind my eyelids. He might be a man but men could be beautiful too and I had always been someone who wanted things that were near to impossible to obtain.

When the song changed, it was almost seamless only this time instead of a man's voice it was a woman's and the longing there heightened my own, tossing me to a distant shore where it was neither hot nor cold, where the sand was soft against my skin and where the snow fell unabated around my head.

And the nameless voice was the most exquisite torture as I continued to imagine those dark, dark eyes, long fingered hands ghosting over my skin…

**

I didn't fall asleep. I never fell asleep while drifting away on the wings on one song or another. Usually, though, I wasn't very conscious of my surroundings. This time, though, I knew there was someone else in the room with me, even as I picked myself off that soft, sandy shore, rousing myself with some difficulty from the half dream I had tumbled into. That other presence pressed against my consciousness but the song refused to give up willingly, having already settled under my skin.

Slowly, the room swam back into view and I breathed in a soft breath, the warmed air comfortable as it filled my lungs. I was unable to shake the hazy influence of the song entirely, the breathy soprano still sighing softly in my ears, metallic mutterings of a guitar frolicking in the background but the ghostly impression of the dimly lit room swam into view, chasing away the impressions of snow and sand.

It may have been the idle hope that had conjured the image of pale skin and an infuriating smirk but when my eyes were finally able to focus I was sure it was Roy that was standing over me.

I did not know what to expect when the door swung open but Ed sprawled on the floor looking like he was in the throes of ecstasy was a rather big shock.

For a moment I was unable to do anything but stare, the fire that had been kindled in my veins surging hot and bright. He laid perfectly still, one arm above his head the other clutching at the fabric of his leather pants. The golden head was tipped back on the hard floor, hair swirling around him like some sort of halo, reminiscent of the snow outside. The slender form was bowed slightly, back arched, thighs parted. But it was his face that made my breath stutter to a painful halt in my chest. The sharp, elegant features were relaxed and open, full lips parted, golden eyes closed. Two white wires were connected to his ears, running to the little ipod on the floor next to his hip which was no doubt the reason for his current expression.

Carefully gathering my faculties, I quietly shut the door and crossed the room so that I was standing over him, sure that he was unaware of my presence.

It was only when his eyelids slid open, slowly, long lashes fluttering like he was lost in an overload of sensation and I was lost once again to the longing I found there, the bright color misted with a desire I could not name.

With that one look, I would never belong to myself again.

For a long moment I stared up into the handsome features, too far away to realize at first that Roy was indeed standing in my room and the burning look in his dark eyes was very, very real.

I was still slightly lost, the breathy voice crooning softly in my ear, trying to draw me away again and I blinked slowly, all the while trying to discern reality from the dreams swirling around at the back of my vision, still trying to swallow me whole. There were words, ones I needed to say and I opened my mouth to set them free but beyond the cocoon the ear buds had provided, I could not be sure if I really said anything at all. The strong features changed, an expression there I was sure I had never seen before and the firm lips formed a word I was familiar with, as it had become one of my names…

Fullmetal…

Another slow blink and I realized that, yes my superior officer that I had desired for much too long was standing in my room, looking commanding and distant. Then, when I didn't answer, just continued to stare up at him, there was another shift and in those dark eyes the fire that was trying to incinerate me was longing; was reciprocation.

I'm not sure what made me do it. Perhaps it was the dulcet tones of the song singing in my veins or that I was beginning to realize just how tired I was of being lonely. I do know it had everything to do with the way the older man was regarding me from where he stood, booted feet very close to my head. I could see, even from my spot on the floor, a sprinkling of snow still clinging to his dark hair, dusting the long black coat and dirty slush melting to the floorboards. The hand by my head reached over and pulled out one of the ear buds, allowing the soft sounds of the world to make themselves known; the mechanical whirr of the space heater, the dull, distant murmur that came with living in a dorm and the gentle, steady tic of the snow hitting the window. Wordlessly, for speech was not needed here, I held out the earphone, head tipping back a little bit more so my eyes could ask for the older man to take what was being offered. Through the influence of the music, there was a steady stream of broken pleas running through my mind, the desperate hope that I would not be rejected so strong it was nearly restricting my airways. Amazingly, my hand was steady as the little bud dangled from my fingers, even though I knew what it would mean should I be accepted.

…take it, please take it…don't leave me alone, in the silence…

Roy's fingers were cool when they brushed over mine and there was a jolt at the simple touch, sizzling through the brief contact like a vicious explosion of sparks. All the while, the dark gaze never left my own.

That one touch, that unfaltering acceptance and my heart nearly slammed its way free from my chest.

For a moment, our eyes met and held, the heat simmering in those bottomless orbs nearly stealing my breath as the dark haired man leaned over enough so he could hold the little ear bud and not yank the other one from my ear. Then, ever so slowly, I reached my hand out again, indicating for Roy to join me on the floor. There was no hesitation, no thought, just a blinding need that was making my body move almost on its own. I saw something flicker across the handsome features, doubt perhaps, or a consideration of possible consequences, which I admit would be rather sever should the wrong person find out. Yet whatever conclusions the older man might have come up with, it didn't stop him from allowing the smallest smile curl at the corner of his lips, an expression that made my mouth go dry and the music relinquish its hold just a little bit more so I could see better the man staring down at me.

Behind the window pane the snow still fell and in my ear the song again changed, a soft beat taking hold of my senses once again.

Ah, yes, this song…this song was perfect.

Cloying guitars and a smoky male voice and a swift, steady beat that wasn't too loud or too imposing. It mingled with the heavy scent of wet clothing and gunpowder, making me shudder in desire, the feel of it under my skin hot, belying the cold darkness outside.

A brief breaking of our gazes, the impression of onyx seeping through my blood so that I could switch it to repeat, the little clicks of the flat wheel loud in my left ear. When I turned back, the older man was already lowering himself gracefully onto the cool floor boards beside me, eyes shuttered by surprisingly thick lashes as he slipped the little bud into his ear. For a moment I watched, letting the steady beat filer out the sounds of the barracks and rustling of clothes. A feral hunger ignited somewhere in the pit of my stomach as the General eased out of the big overcoat he was wearing, revealing civilian clothes underneath.

For as long as I have known and worked under the dark haired man, I had never seen him in anything but variations of his uniform.

The thick, damp material was thrown over a nearby chair but my brain had near melted away for the only thing I seemed to be aware of was how he looked in a simple pair of jeans and a button down shirt. It looked as if he had been at home, relaxing before he'd shown up at my room, the sleeves rolled up to reveal strong, pale forearms and the jeans looked well worn. It was a side of the older man I had only dreamed about seeing.

Then the dark gaze was level with mine as Roy lay back on the floor, dark hair sliding over his features when he turned his head my way, strands of inky locks spreading out on the worn floor. Gold tangled with black, my nervous pulse so loud and anxious in my ears I was sure the older man could hear it even over the lopsided song whispering away in one of his ears. It was a tentative connection, the one the small wire produced but for a moment I was content to stare, head turned to the side so my eyes could wander long the strong, sharp features. It was like a familiar place, visited after being away for a long time and coming back to find out just how fond of that place you really were. Familiar, and yet different all at once because while I had always been aware of the arch in the thin dark brows and the way the corner of his lips quirked just so, I had never realized how each little shadow and curve were that much more beautiful because they were what made Roy who he was.

When looking was suddenly not enough anymore, I reached over my body to trace the line of those brows, finding the hair soft and fine, down the straight ridge of his nose curving just shy of one delicate nostril, shivering at the feel of warm breath against my wrist where my sleeve had fallen away. It wasn't until my touch got a little more daring, swooping down from the lines of one high cheekbone did one finger brush along the peak of the top lip, sliding along the shadowed line. His skin was so warm and soft, heat spreading through me when he parted his mouth, sigh humid against my fingers.

Something altered then, a restraint, one of the last, snapping within me so that I dropped my hand, sliding it along a strong arm to curl around his elbow, the bone hard against my palm.

And I started to pull, hoping he would answer the plea in my eyes.

Every single brush of those long, slender fingers had stoked the golden flames burning brightly in my veins so hot I was sure I was melting with need for him, nearly unraveling when the slightly calloused pad of his index finger sunk a little too far, sliding against the inside of my lip until it reached one corner.

Then the hand on my arm and for a moment I wasn't sure what he wanted.

But as I was lost into those impossibly wide eyes, the question there, the one begging for me to understand, the one making it very clear the same flame burned within his own heart matched my own was enough to steal my breath. And he was more stunning than I had ever seen him, laying his vulnerability out in the open so I might see. I wanted to give it to him; I wanted to show him my own weakness but somewhere, past all the fiery gold and the seductive voice crooning in my ear, I hesitated.

"Edward…" I breathed but another set of fingers (both hands so real, warm, made of flesh and bone, so real) stopped whatever I might have said. One last look into his face and I understood.

There was only one choice, then, that I could make.

I allowed him to draw me in…

I heard it, my name falling past his lips in that striking voice, soft, hesitant but full of something that sent my heart thundering away, its rapid pulse the precursor of the storm about to come. But words were not needed in this space and anything else would have been like a strike of an axe, bringing the warmth and the moment tumbling down in shattered rubble around our heads. So I pressed my fingers to his lips to stop the words, feeling them die against my skin and the dark eyes fluttered to mine, their depths burning. I had offered the shared music and the touch. What Roy chose to do next was up to him.

So I asked the silent question one more time, tugging gently on his elbow.

This time he answered; once again he accepted.

Very slowly, I pulled him towards me, all the while watching the darkness as it swirled brightly in his gaze. That mask of confidence was long gone, having never once made appearance here in this room and I wondered who else might have been fortunate enough to see underneath, as I was now. The jealous side of me hoped that I was the first because I hated the thought of someone else having seen the way those slanted eyes barely reflected the light or how the strong, firm lips had lost their perpetual smirk, parted now as he came closer.

The dark haired Brigadier General paused once more, uncertainty flaring behind all that dark fire as he hovered over me, knees pressed against my hip. The only other part of us that was touching was the steady grip I maintained on his arm but I could almost feel him, his warmth settling under my skin as if he was already draped over my body. He didn't try using words this time but I could hear his breath as it shuddered, dark hair shading his features as he looked down at me, studying my face for several long seconds. I could see, though, his decision had already been made a long time ago. He would not have been here at all if it hadn't. Yet being the person he was, nothing was done without careful calculation. After all, one did not become a Brigadier General at the age of thirty-three on charm alone.

I swallowed and pulled again on his arm, not wanting to be another pro/con list.

I wanted to be his.

The pale bump of his Adam's apple bobbed and the dark eyes were lowered but he moved again, twisting around so that we were parallel, him kneeling over me, foreheads close enough the ends of his shaggy hair tickled my skin. Finally freeing his arm, I let him support himself on both hands at either side of my head so I could reach down and nudge his hips, indicating just how much I wanted. Maybe it was the muted atmosphere or the way the silence encroached at the edge of my awareness so that the only thing that was really important was the man kneeling on the floor with me but I had forgotten the need to be self conscious or embarrassed. Something else there was no room for in the quiet space we had made for ourselves. It was in the heavy quiet and the song that only we could hear. Perhaps that was how I was aware of the faint pink flush that had worked its way over the high cheekbones, softening slightly the hard planes of the other man's features. It wasn't awkwardness that was the source of the deepening color but something akin to arousal. The sight of it made my fingers shake as they buried in the fabric of Roy's shirt, the muscles under my hands shifting as he slid one leg around me, straddling my waist.

Another long glance was shared, both of us acknowledging that what I wanted from him and what he wanted from me was the same thing. I wanted to forget I was lonely, I wanted to give him a place where the silence could be filled and in the depths of the dark slanted eyes, I saw he was willing to give the same. Then there were long fingers could sifting through the bright strands of my hair. The sensation sent a shower of pleasant chills down my back and I forgot to flinch when a tangle was snagged. In return, I found the fall of dark hair was soft and damp from melted snow.

The song ended, came to the beginning, started over again and when Roy leaned down, lips brushing against my cheek, it was the lyrics he was mouthing against my skin…

All of my love
What keeps the pressure building?
What takes your breath away?
What do I have to do to make you
Want to fall in love with me?

I blinked, pulled away. He knew the lyrics to this song? Well, who would have thought? The expression in his face was enough to break my heart, stealing my breath once more with the ache that had underlined the words that were his and not his, words that would not be spoken but were meant all the same. Feeling like a small fire had come alive within my chest, I rearranged our legs, pulling him into the cradle of my hips so he could lie comfortably on top of me. He didn't resist this time, letting my arms pull him down so he no longer held his weight on his hands and knees. Instead, his body lay flush with my own, chest against chest, legs inside of mine. A soft gust of sharply expelled air brushed over my jaw to be joined by a pair of lips as he relaxed into the embrace, our bodies molding together like that's what they were meant to do.

My own lips followed the next set of words mindlessly, heart beating frantically against the back of my tongue as a line of slow, sweet kisses warmed the skin of my neck.

All of my love
What is your satisfaction?
I'll give you all you need
What do I have to do to make you
Want to fall in love with me?

They were stupid lyrics, really, not fitting with the sultry beat that suggested something more than the simple desire of falling in love. But it was those very words that the older man responded to, sharp teeth dragging over the sensitive skin of my chin before the dark eyes found mine again.

Roy's weight was comfortable as it pushed me into the hard, cool floor, a hip bone digging into one of my thighs and for a moment I was able to forget about the direction the heat suffusing my blood seemed to be headed in favor of the pair of lips that had just closed over my own. Yes, yes, this was what I had been waiting for, this indescribable warmth as the firm lips curled against mine, stroking, caressing, so soft, so warm…it was nothing at all like what I expected, though having never been kissed before, I'm not quite sure what I thought it should have been. I had been half afraid it would be too sloppy or slimy or just downright weird. Roy was my superior officer and had been for quite a long time. Except it was none of these things (though, really, this is Roy we are talking about, Mr. Ladies Man himself) It was smooth and gentle and a little wet which instead of being gross like it could have been instead had sparks of pleasant heat sizzling through my body.

The contact was slow, lingering and by the time the older man lifted his head, there was a buzzing in my ears that temporarily drowned out the song still whispering softly from the ear phones. He smiled down at me, carding his fingers through my bright hair and I smiled back, refusing to acknowledge the blush working over my face again. Again there were no words. But I could feel it, the connection forming between us from the close contact and the continuing tingle of where my lips were remembering the touch of burning passion. One kiss suddenly wasn't enough.

With my arms winding tightly around the broad shoulders, I let him take possession of my mouth again, sighing silently against the warmth. For a moment it was the same as the first kiss but then it changed, deepening and the sparks grew in size. My inexperience didn't matter here. All that mattered was the way the mouth moving over mine parted and a burning swipe of scalding heat had me opening up with a sharp gasp. Then I could taste, the sharp spice of the other man kissing me flooding my senses in the best way, so good that my teeth ached. I found I liked the way his tongue felt like silk as it moved against mine, mapping out every last corner of my mouth and stealing the last of my breath. Yet even though my lungs burned, I could not for the life of me pull away. There would be no way in hell I could give this up now once I have been given a taste.

The older man seemed to be of the same mind as he finally let me grab a swift breath, the relatively cool air of the room easing the fire somewhat. Again there was no need for words. There wouldn't be until the moment was either finished or someone broke it but it wouldn't be me and if the bright flames burning in orbs of the blackest obsidian was any indication, Roy had no intention of ending it either.

Normally that kind of thought pattern would have had me dithering and sputtering in embarrassment but not now.

Now it was just me and Roy.

There were no ranks here, no drastic age difference, no long, dramatic history. There was no fiery temper on my part and no smug, infuriating arrogance on his. There was just me and him, just this moment in time and the only thing of importance was the furnace that had built at every point our bodies were pressed together.

This time, I dominated the kiss, lifting my head off the floor for better leverage, very aware of how the heat had begun to pool in my gut. Every little bit of that beautiful flavor that came to my tongue made my heart beat faster as Roy tipped his head to the side, letting me do as I would. When the softest of moans was gasped into my mouth, my pants turned into an unforgiving vise as I became fully hard. And just like that it was no longer just a kiss, however intimate they had become.

With a sharp exhale, I shifted slightly so that the older man was settled better in the cradle of my hips and lifted one of my legs, wrapping out around the back of a strong thigh. The weight on my erection was almost uncomfortable but the reciprocating bulge trapped in the dark haired man's pants made whatever discomfort there was completely worth it. His lips moved against mine as he silently strung together words that made no sense without the sound of them attached but I got the gist of it. Especially when he buried his head in the crook of my neck for a moment, moving his hips a bit in an appreciation of pleasure. The movement was like a spark to a puddle of gasoline. If I had thought the fire already burning its way across my nerve endings was already hot, the shallow movement that offered a slow stroke of friction to my aching cock nearly shattered me.

Yet, somehow, through it all, the only sound that remained to be heard between us was the sensual beat of the song that had once again flipped around to begin again and the harsh rasping of our unsteady breathing. I could feel the warm puff of air against my neck, the feathery touches adding to the aching desire. So, as my thoughts began to swiftly derail, I began to hesitantly move my hips in time with the General's, marveling at how wonderful it felt. Our erections were aligned perfectly, grinding slowly into one another. I didn't realize it could feel like this, bolts of white hot fire shooting through me at every connection and I found myself arching up off the hard floor, wanting more, wanting it harder, faster.

…God, it's good…so good…

I could see, when the older man lifted his head, the sentiment of broken words running through my head was mutual, arousal darkening his pale cheeks a dusky pink. Being prone to blushing myself, I'm sure I looked like cherry but he seemed to like what he saw because after the short moment where his dark, slightly unfocused eyes drifted over my face, his eyebrows knotted and then I was being devoured once again, his tongue in my mouth, drawing out my own so he could suck on it. If I could have cried out, I would have, the sensation like a firm stroke to my erection that was already throbbing and dripping against my thigh. And, shit, it wasn't enough, never enough…more…more…

Almost as if he heard my thoughts, big hands had found their way up under the hem of my t-shirt, searing brands as they moved between us, sliding over my skin, fingers finding every last place that would have me panting into the older man's questing lips. The hands moved over my abdomen, touches making the muscles there jerk then up around my sides. And I wanted to return it, make him feel as good as I was so when he trailed his mouth down over the thin skin of my neck, teasing and sucking mercilessly, I forced my shaky fingers to unravel from the back of the once crisp shirt so I could start forcing buttons from their holes, so I could feel.

Oh, wait, who knew nipples could be so receptive? I sure as hell didn't and I was unprepared for the flash of unbridled heat that shot right to my groin. It resulted in a particularly hard grind of our hips and I knew just a few more of those and it would be finished for me. It didn't stop me from seeking it out with a single minded determination, using my leg around the narrow waist for leverage so I could work my hips upwards, meeting the bigger man's thrusts in the smoothly. All the while, that bright pool of hot fire was deepening, the pressure heightening and I was dizzy with the overwhelming sensations.

Somehow, Roy managed to divest me of my shirt just as I fumbled with the last of the buttons on his and then it was the delightful slide of warm skin against warm skin and my hazy brain decided this was so much better. My greedy hands roamed all over that bare skin, finding it wonderfully smooth, shivering and swallowing needy groans as teeth and a tongue explored the dips of my clavicle bones, finding that I liked the way the saliva cooled on my skin when he moved to another spot.

And then I could do nothing but cling to his shoulders, eyes falling closed as stars glittered in the darkness behind them because I was teetering on that dangerous edge, the friction of my boxers against my dripping cock damp fucking amazing.

…yes, yes…just…a little…more…

My eyes must have conveyed my silent cry of dismay when Roy suddenly stopped the movement of his hips, making as if to move away. He stared down at me, flushed and breathing hard, not fighting the grip of my leg when I refused to let him pull back. He must have seen the desperation in my face because the tiniest of smirks flitted over his face before he gave a slight nod. Seriously, if he didn't let me get off soon, I was going to die and just to prove this point, I slammed my hips up once more, reveling in the shock of hot pleasure as our clothed erections ground together hard. My eyes lost themselves temporarily in the back of my skull, a howl of delight caught in the back of my throat. The older man grunted softly in my ear, hands holding my hips so he could return the favor brutally and once again I was there, watching all that glittering fire dance across my vision, pleasure making my muscles tighten and thighs shake.

Yet once again I was thwarted and the man must have felt the heat of my glare even through the haze of passion that had settled over us for he just offered me another encouraging smile before sliding his hands between us. Trying to get a handle on my rapid breathing and pounding heart, I gasped when he wiggled a bit, working his hands in between our hard connection, eyes shaded. Curiosity got the better of me so I didn't slap him upside the head like I (and my agonizing erection) wanted to. His breath was hot as he worked and I watched, noticing how his hair shivered with the force of his shaking against the hand I had buried in it. Then there was a fumbling at the front of my pants were my throbbing member pressed painfully, pre cum having already soaked the front of them, making my eyes go wide, breath once again stolen. A few jerks at the material, a firm grip around my cock and then…oh, holy FUCK…

I might have made a noise, I'm not sure. It almost didn't matter anymore because the older man had freed us both from our pants and when his hands disappeared to support his weight over me on either side of my head, it was naked skin against naked skin and…and…oh…

All I knew then was just how much better it had become, the man's erection almost painfully hot and heavy where it ground against my own, the hot skin like silk that had been laying just a little too close to a merry fire. Now I just clung to him because I was sure I would be swept away. And I could feel everything, the heat, the hard, swollen curve, his own pre cum dripping and mingling with mine, gathering on my stomach. Every slide, every thrust and it got hotter, the pleasure winding tighter and I couldn't tear my eyes away from his as they bore down at me, holding me captive. There was no way I could have looked away, even as the pleasure reached that place, the one where I knew if it didn't crest now I would go insane. Which was a possibility for the way our gazes remained locked, eyes heavily lidded in lust made the connection of our bodies that much more intimate and therefore that much better.

…yes…fuck, yes…now…oh…

Just like that, the wave broke, striking so hard the world faded away and I was sure something would break because surely coming as hard as I did then couldn't be healthy. My mind became a blank sheet as I arched into the General's hips, both legs clenched hard around the man's waist, pulses of white, sticky cum spraying up our stomachs, chests, some even hitting the bottom of my chin. That must have been Roy's limit too because I felt his thick erection pulse against my own before his release joined mine, soaking us both. And in my ear, just as the last spurt emptied itself from my spent cock was the softest exclamation of my name, stirring the damp hair at my neck.

Then I was lost, floating through the pleasant buzz of aftershocks.

And unbeknownst to us both, the little ear buds had slipped from our ears when our orgasms struck, falling to the cold floor to be forgotten. But it didn't really matter.

There was a new song playing softly in my heart now.

He was so beautiful like that, arching under me, golden eyes glistening and narrowed in pleasure, the color almost completely crowded out by the dilation of his pupils. Every slick movement of our bodies was bliss and the only reason I held out as long as I did was because I wanted to see him get lost before me.

When he did, I thought for a moment I would be consumed by his bright fire.

It surged through me, our gazes disconnected when he threw his head back, hair flying in every direction. That was all it took for me to join him in the place where the world disappeared for a few long, beautiful moments in a sprinkling of shining stars.

In that moment, I belonged, heart, body, soul, to the stunning blond young man who had given me the greatest gift I have ever received.

Himself.

Darkness embraced me for several minutes…or longer, I'm not really sure. Vaguely I was aware of my heartbeat slowly returning to normal, lungs catching up with its much needed air supply, of my body laying somewhere in a room of the military barracks of Central, cooling from the most intense orgasm I had ever had. More importantly, the release I had shared with a certain dark haired Brigadier General. Satisfaction had taken place of the fiery passion that was suffusing my blood, making me feel boneless, sated.

However much time passed, though, by the time I managed to convince my eyelids to pry apart, I was already starting to get a little cold, lying half naked on a wooden floor. It seemed it was long enough for Roy to have rolled off of me and clean us both up, just the drying sweat on our bodies the evidence of what we had done. He had even very thoughtfully tucked me back into my pants. I opened my mouth to suck in a deep, shuddering breath, turning my head slowly to see the older man stretched out next to me on his side, eyes very dark as he watched me, chin cradled on his palm.

It took me a moment to realize that all I could hear was the hiss of the snow still falling outside and our soft breathing. The music that I had been surrounding myself with, had been filling the gaping space directly under by sternum was now only just a very good collection of complied genres of songs and artists. Not to say that I wasn't going to cherish it as much as I always have. That love would never go away. But it no longer needed to be used as a substitute, as a way out.

I didn't need a way to escape anymore because the loneliness that had plagued me since I was seven had dissipated, replaced with a steady, glowing warmth that had been put there by a dark haired man with the prettiest eyes I had ever seen and a warm soul he kept hidden behind a mask of icy confidence.

A soul that now resonated with mine.

Forcefully, I made my body move so I could roll onto my side as well, scooting closer to the other man and holding the bottomless gaze. I was content to stay like that, watching him watching me, studying all those half concealed emotions that flickered behind his slanted eyes, as if they wanted to be seen but Roy wasn't quite ready to let them show. That was fine. I was already planning on using the countless years ahead to make him show me every single one. Like when he moved his hand to run it along the bridge of my nose, making me wrinkle it slightly, that smile must have meant that there was nowhere else he wanted to be, even when he was amused by my expression. Those fingers flickered over my face like they were trying to map it out, memorize it. And when they touched my lips, I snatched them so I could press a shy kiss to the calloused tips.

Fingers in my belt loops, yanking me close into his solid warmth and I was lost in another blazing kiss, closing my eyes with a sigh and melting into it as if I could just seep into the older man. Tongues tangled and breath was once again lost, hands roaming over golden and silvery skin alike. We were both smiling when we broke apart for air, though on my part, I think it was a little goofy. I think I was entitled, though, considering that before this day I had never even been kissed before. It had just never seemed right. Until now.

That was when I realized the truth of it.

It was always Roy, even when I thought I hated him.

I looked at him, hesitantly running my fingers over the sharp line of his jaw, just letting it sink in that I could touch him like this. Actually, I could probably touch him however I wanted and he would just encourage it. The sudden thought made my mouth go dry. The words I needed to break the blanket of silence were right there and I supposed now would be the time. So I tucked on hand under my chin, looking up into the dark eyes were he leaned over me, swirling the pad of one finger over a patch of pale skin.

"I've been looking for you for a long time," I whispered and found that the words did not, in fact, break the spell that had been cast over the little space in time that had become ours but instead secured it so that even when the sun came up and forced the world to face a new day, it would remain, steadfast, tattooed upon our hearts. The dark eyes were soft as they regarded me.

"And I have been waiting," that was the first time I heard his voice that night and the roughened silken tone made my heart beat faster, a little thrill going through me at the reciprocating confession. My own golden gaze flickered down, away, as I watched my fingers move slowly over a pale shoulder.

"Sorry it took so long," but strong fingers halted my apology before I was forced to look back up into the older man's face. The smile I found there was unlike any other I had ever seen him wear before, lacking its usual sharp irony and sarcasm. It was just a smile that did what it was designed to do; express happiness. A shiver worked through me when one of his thumbs rolled gently over my cheek bone while his eyes held mine.

"I would have waited forever, Edward Elric, if it was for you," I could feel the pleased flush working its way over my features as I ducked my head, pressing it to a warm, broad chest. Somehow I mumbled a broken, "yeah, me too," and there was a soft laugh pressed into my hair as nimble fingers worked through the bright tangles.

That was when, just as a kind of satisfied fatigue started to settle into my bones, making my eyelids heavy, that the older man shifted, reaching for something that was behind me. Too tired to really make much of it, I tilted my head to find the man had picked up my ipod and was currently scrolling through the list of songs, sometimes making an appreciative noise before moving on again. It was with interest that I watched, as I doubted that he knew most of the music on there but Roy was nothing if not full of surprises.

His strong features lit up when he found what he was looking for before gently inserting one of the buds into my ear. One strong arm went around my waist as he laid down right next to me, making sure our bodies touched in all the right places. Then the song started and my eyebrows shot up in surprise. Roy knew who Muse was? And this song…

My breath caught when he started to sing, his voice deeper, huskier than that crooning from the tiny plastic speaker but still just as nice.

Who knew that Brigadier General Roy Mustang could sing?

There's a part of me you'll never know
The only thing I'll never show

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes…

It was beautiful, touching upon something deep within me as I pressed my nose to soft skin that smelled of gunpowder and sandalwood. I knew then, I would never need anything else than what I had right here. The rest of the world could fall into the sea and I would never know because nothing else could ever be this right or this perfect. I tried to tell him that too, as the voice gave way to a complicated guitar before the lyrics broke in again, but either it came out in an incoherent jumble or I just didn't hear his response.

But that was okay. I was in his arms and he belonged to him just as much as I always had, ever since I met him all those long years ago.

It's plain to see it's trying to speak
Cherished dreams forever asleep
Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes…

As I drifted away on dark, calm seas, the deep voice still sang softly in my ear, the vibrations working pleasantly through my body. It was, I realized just before consciousness faded, the first time someone had sung to me since my mother died. With her the love for song had begun. With Roy, it would deepen, flourish, because I had someone to share it with, because I had someone to share me with and he was willing to give me himself in return.

So this is what they mean by a love affair…

**

The sun was bright as it fell across my face the next morning, imposing and most unwelcome. For several long and rather painful minutes I fought it, just reveling in the feel of warm sheets against my body and the languid warmth that had infused my blood some time during the night. The barracks were unnaturally quiet, even for a Sunday but then I remembered, past the fog left over from sleep, it had snowed last night and it was probably earlier than I realized.

Wait…sheets? A bed? How…?

Abruptly, I was awake and whipping around to find the heat that had been neatly wrapped around me was, in fact, my superior officer who was blinking grit from his eyes and glaring balefully at the cheerful presence of the window. Ah, not a morning person either. Well, we should get along better than I had anticipated.

"Morning, General," I said around a yawn and earned myself a grunt as the older man scrubbed at his face before stretching languidly among my covers. It was enough to send my blood rushing south in a wave of pleasant, aching heat. Then the dark eyes popped open and regarded him over a very slow, very happy smile.

"Good morning, Major," his voice sounded gravely with sleep but I decided that I liked it anyway. I would have thought that calling each other by our ranks while waking up together, in my bed would have been weird and it really should have been but as the older man shuffled into a sitting position in my small, standard issue bunk, our legs brushing under the blankets, I realized that him in my bed or mine in his would not have been weird or awkward or strange at all. He reached over to curl an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a very slow, very sweet kiss and it would have been perfect if I hadn't been so worried about my morning breath (the other man didn't seem to have that problem, still tasting rich and spicy as he had last night. How the hell did he do that?) "Looks like it stopped snowing last night," he murmured upon pulling away, dark eyes flicking to the window.

"Yeah," I looked longingly out the widow, catching a glimpse of buildings and streets blanketed in white. My chin rested on my knees as Roy moved so he was sitting behind me, legs on either side of my hips, his warmth seeping into my back. A little kiss was pressed against the side of my neck and I tilted my head, encouraging the small, intimate touches, "You want to make a snow man with me later?" the idea was sudden but it was something I had never done as a child, having had other things on my mind than playing in the snow, even as a child. A gust of warm breath tickled the nape of my neck as the older man chuckled.

"A snowman? Aren't you a little old for that?" to which I snorted in annoyance, though I allowed his arms to go around me, holding me close to the bigger man's chest.

"No one's too old to make a snowman," I said with an evident scoff in his voice, "Or are you just afraid to get a little cold?" it was the General's turn to snort, tightening his arms around my waist gently.

"I can't get cold if you're around," he said into my hair and I wondered if he even meant for me to hear it. As it was, a bright blush infused my features and I was very glad for a moment that the man could not see me. We sat like that for a while, observing the dazzling world outside as it slowly started to awaken. Then lips brushed back and forth over the exposed skin of my shoulders and back, his breath very warm, "Very well, a snowman it is. And then, once the streets are cleared, we can see about getting a car to get your things out of here," I blinked in confusion, stilling, wondering what on earth the man was talking about.

"Um, I'm sorry but what?" there was a beat of silence and then a hand snaked around to turn my head, fingers on my chin very warm. The dark eyes were serious as they regarded me.

"Well, you can't stay here, now can you? There's hardly a reason anymore and I have always thought my house was too big for just one person," I blinked then blinked again, mouth opening in shock as I realized just what the older man was implying. He couldn't be serious, could he? We had barely been together for more than ten hours. Of course, that didn't count the many years we had spent denying and dancing around one another. And I knew him probably better than I knew anyone but my brother Al. Still.

"Y-you want me t-to move in with you?" I fairly squeaked, twisting in his grip so I could see his face. There was a faint trace of amusement covering up a shattering hope that I would say yes before one dark, slender eyebrow arched high over a pale forehead.

"Of course I want you to move in with me. I understand if it's a bit sudden but it really is a big house. If it helps, it has a very big library," oh, he was quiet persuasive, though I could see that he was just sweetening the pot, just in case I thought about saying no; which actually never crossed my mind, despite my surprise. I lowered my eyes and felt a slow smile curling over my lips, leaning back into him.

"Will you make me a big cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows after?" I asked in a sly voice and there was another chuckle, the smile stretching happily as it was pressed into my skin.

"I'll make you as many cups of hot chocolate as you want," hmm, I was going to have to hold him to that. I was pretty sure, as I leaned my head back against on strong shoulder, that my giddy smile had crossed the line into stupid a long time ago.

"Then yeah, I'd like that,"

After all this time, I had finally found what I was looking for and it was right there, in this steady warmth I had found in Roy's arms. Perhaps now I wouldn't be afraid to live my life.

And it was perfect.

The perfect love affair.

---