6 Principles of Mastering Your Sexual Energy
by Jim Benson
1) The single greatest factor in experiencing states of greater pleasure is your capacity to receive. No big deal, right? Yet three out of every four men I've worked with have struggled significantly with applying this principle. The degree to which you cultivate a state of receptivity in your sex life will proportionately affect the amount of pleasure you will feel. My article, “On Receiving: Fuck Me God, Like A Wild Dog,” outlines this principle in greater detail, including the valuable practice of creating and using a Pleasure List.
Take receptivity a step further and you'll find yourself at the gateway of surrender. Most men equate surrender with failure, making the notion of surrender-as-desirable completely foreign. Can you allow yourself to be moved by a force greater than you? Because that's what sexual energy is - something much, much greater than you. So in the bedroom, little by little, I encourage you to practice relinquishing of your habit of control.
2) You are designed to experience full-body pleasure. Think of an infant's physical expressions of pleasure - we are all born with an innate, fully wired pleasure-body. Paradoxically, you are also designed to ejaculate quickly! Think of your male ancestors whose speedy ejaculations made your existence possible. Rhetorical question: Which of these two designs would you prefer to emphasize? The Sexual Energy Mastery training is designed to help you reclaim your naturally orgasmic self and to help you disrupt the habits of your quick-ejaculator self.
In addition to genetic factors, chances are your pleasure-body has been influenced by your history in less-than-positive ways. You may have been touched inappropriately as a child. Your parents may have given you little or no information about sex. You might have been told that God thought your genitals were bad, and if you played with them, you were bad, too. Your masturbation experiences as a teen might have been quick and clandestine. These (or similar events) have made an impact on your pleasure-body. They certainly made an impact on mine! The good news is that these environmental or psychological factors can be softened enough - and often fairly quickly - to give you access to more of your body's natural flow of pleasure.
3) You have a unique path to mastering your sexual energy. I've worked with enough guys who have dropped out of other multi-orgasmic programs to know that in this arena, one size does not fit all. There is no cookie-cutter approach to ecstasy. Most participants in the SEM program report that one or two particular techniques, rather than the entirety of the program, significantly increased the pleasure they felt in their bodies during sex. I've included and synthesized several techniques to provide as many options as possible; your job (with support from me and the guys in the program) is to discover your particular path to sexual aliveness and get the most out of it.
4) Use the energy in your genitals to move beyond a genital-based experience. Instead of the “relief of ejaculation,” we'll be using valuable sexual energy to spread and intensify feelings of pleasure throughout your body. Imagine that your genitals are a power plant, but the cables designed to disperse that energy throughout the countryside are underutilized. Sexual Energy Mastery is designed to renovate the plant and upgrade the cables.
5) Changing your relationship to sex will impact other areas of your life. I've watched the manifestations of this principle surprise many men over the years. Pay close attention to your approach to sex as well as your specific sexual behaviors. Consider how those actions might be holographically reflected in the rest of your life. For instance, during sex (with yourself or with a partner), your habit might be to tighten your abdomen and thighs and breathe high in your chest - and even hold your breath for a bit. Begin tracking other times when you do the same thing: for instance, at work during a meeting with a supervisor or a client. As you update and alter your sexual habits, your life outside the bedroom will begin to change in positive ways as well.
6) At some point in your practice you will be best served by dropping or relaxing your technique. That includes everything you'll learn in the Sexual Energy Mastery training! It also includes the tricks you use to shift yourself from arousal to ejaculation and to pleasure your partners in that old reliable way. This principle - like receiving and surrender - can be elusive for many guys. It's especially challenging if your technique has a deep groove, or you've gotten a particular payoff with it over the years.
What happens when you relax your technique? What arises when you simply just “be” with yourself or a partner in a sensual or sexual way? The Sexual Energy Mastery training poses this paradox: Techniques can support a new way of being, but ultimately in each sexual experience we simply want to be fully present and totally responsive. I invite you to discover more about this mystery for yourself.