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First Samhain Publishing, Ltd. electronic publication: January 2009
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Broken
Eve Vaughn
Dedication To my very good friend Gwen. Thanks for being there for me.
Chapter One “I had that dream again.” Jocelyn clutched the wheel of her rented SUV until her knuckles went white. Beads of perspiration broke out along her forehead as she attempted to stave off the shiver racing up her spine. Taking a deep breath to calm the erratic beating of her heart, she mentally counted down from ten. She hadn’t meant to blurt that out, but anything was better than the silence. The silence that gave her a chance to dwell on things she would rather not have. Even after all this time, reliving the moment over and over again still had the power to reduce her to a bundle of nerves. To make her afraid. Ashamed. Less than human. The nausea welling within the pit of her stomach made her tremble. “Do you want to talk about it?” Her best friend and traveling companion reached over to rub her thigh. Jocelyn shook her head, knowing she’d said more than she should have. Why did she have to open her big mouth? What she really wanted to do was turn the vehicle around and go home, back to New York and fade back into her world of pretense. A place where she ceased being just plain Jocelyn Winters, but instead known as Jos Song. When she was Jos, she was beautiful, confident, brave, not constantly looking over her shoulder, unable to trust or give all of who she was. No, the cloak she donned as her public persona would not shield her where she was headed. She waved her hand dismissively. “Forget I mentioned it.” Kyla tightened her clutch. “How can I when you’re shaking like a leaf? You don’t look so well, hon. Maybe we should pull over at the next exit.” “No!” The truth was, if she stopped this vehicle, the impulse to turn around and drive back to the airport would be too powerful to resist. And the last thing she wanted to do was let her father down. She owed it to him to make this trip if nothing else. “Then tell me what’s going on, girl. The closer we get to our destination, the more agitated you seem. You’ve been quiet for the last hour and I figured you didn’t feel like talking. But maybe you should. Sometimes vocalizing your concerns puts things into perspective—makes you feel better. Tell me about it. Please?” Jocelyn’s lips tightened briefly. Nothing raised her hackles more than the feeling of being backed into a corner. Deep down she knew Kyla was only trying to help, but Jocelyn grasped on to any emotion other than the cloying despair threatening to descend upon her. Unfortunately, it was anger which came strong and swift tearing through her very core. “Oh? Like how you’re oh so willing to open up about your life? Why don’t we talk about how stellar your life has been?” The minute the words left her mouth, she could have kicked herself. Never in a million years would she ever want to deliberately hurt the one person who’d been in her corner these past few years and she feared that’s exactly what she’d done. Kyla snatched her hand away, her eyes widening and mouth falling open and then closing again. It was as if a great invisible barrier suddenly slammed between them. With flared nostrils, and crossed arms, Kyla turned around to stare out the passenger window. Not another word passed between the two for the next ten minutes. Jocelyn counted every second of it, wishing she had held her tongue. Starting an argument before they reached the ranch wasn’t on her list of things to do, but she was so on edge and didn’t know how to handle the tension churning within her like electricity. She took her eyes off the road momentarily to glance at her friend, taking in Kyla’s rigid frame, and face devoid of emotion. Jocelyn more than anyone knew about concealing pain, and was familiar with how Kyla dealt with hers. “I’m sorry, Ky. I didn’t mean it.” Kyla didn’t reply for a moment and Jocelyn didn’t think she would, until the other woman released a sigh and the stiffness eased out of her body. “It’s okay.” The monotone delivery of those words gave Jocelyn pause. She’d hurt Kyla, which made her feel even more guilty. She pounded her fist against the steering wheel, inadvertently honking the horn. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have said what I did. That was really catty. Please forgive me.” Kyla nodded but no other communication was forthcoming. Damn. How was she going to get through this trip knowing her friend was upset? Nibbling on her bottom lip, Jocelyn wondered if she dared to utter the words plaguing her thoughts. Even with many therapy sessions behind her, she still found it difficult to open up about her predicament. “It’s just…the nightmares have been more frequent—more graphic even. I haven’t had them in a couple years, but lately…” If she held on to this wheel any tighter, her skin would probably split. Kyla released a sigh and faced her once again. “I’m so sorry, Jos. I thought your visits to Dr. Scott were helping.” “They are. I mean she’s great, but sometimes I believe I’m going to be screwed up for the rest of my life.” “These things take time, sweetie. It’s not something one can get over with the snap of a finger. I struggle with my problems every second of my life. You have to take this one day at a time and I promise it will get better. No one ever said the healing was easy. It’s actually the hard part. On the positive side, I’ve noticed a change in how you’re coping. Before when the incident was alluded to, you’d burst into tears. You’ve come such a long way and you’ve given me hope there’s a chance for someone as messed up as me.” Knowing what Kyla had suffered, she almost felt selfish for voicing her concerns. “I guess.” Almost as if she’d read Jocelyn’s mind, Kyla returned her hand to Jocelyn’s thigh and gave it a light squeeze. “Don’t ever think what you’re feeling is insignificant. Only you can determine that. You’re beautiful, strong, and I know eventually the hurt will fade.” She removed her hand. “Maybe you’re having these dreams again because you’re going home for the first time in years. When did you say was the last time you saw your father?” “I suppose you’re right. Maybe I’m just antsy about returning to my old stomping ground. It doesn’t help matters when I haven’t seen my father in nearly seven years. Part of me is excited to rekindle the special bond we once shared, while the other half is shaking in these designer boots. You might think I sound ridiculous for saying this but, what if he’s stopped loving me? I’ve shunned all attempts to visit and…” “Jos, he’ll be thrilled to see you. If that weren’t the case, he wouldn’t have invited you to stay until his wedding.” “Actually, it was Lavern who asked me to help with the planning. I’m not sure my dad had anything to do with it.” “Why do you think that?” “Whenever I talk to him on the phone, he seems distant.” “Sometimes feelings aren’t as easily expressed when they’re not done in person. When you see him again, I’m sure it’ll be like you’d never left.” “I hope so.” Her father had meant so much to her and still did. She must have hurt him when she’d stayed away with no explanation. He probably believed she was ashamed of him. Or worse, maybe he was ashamed of her. If only he knew the truth. What would he say then? The very thought nearly sent her into panic mode. A brief silence fell between them before Kyla spoke again. “Are you nervous about seeing Cade again?” Jocelyn closed her eyes for a second and then opened them, mindful of keeping her attention on the road. She tried not to think about him, knowing how futile it was to dwell on the “what might have beens”. The deep agony lurking within the depths of steel blue eyes, which had quickly morphed to cold hard anger, still haunted her. They frequented her dreams more than she cared to admit. An indescribable pain shot through Jocelyn, making her shoulders shake. The kind that felt like someone had taken her heart in their palms and squeezed until she couldn’t breathe. They said time healed all wounds, yet Jocelyn still ached to her very core. Most days, she could carry on as if her life hadn’t been irrevocably changed by one damning night. Other times, she didn’t have the strength or the will to get out of bed. Cade remained prominent in her thoughts even after all these years. He hated her. She’d made sure of it. It was better if Cade despised her for what he believed to be her callousness than the slow agony they would both suffer over time if he knew the truth. Jocelyn cursed herself for her weakness, but dammit, she wasn’t strong enough. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder; was that bitterness she’d glimpsed at their last encounter just as strong or was he happy? Did he think of her? Had he moved on with someone else? He would be twenty-seven now, so it stood to reason that he had. The image of a tall loose-limbed man with a rock-hard body filled her mind. “Rarely,” she whispered, silently congratulating herself at how easily the lie had tumbled from her lips. “Not that it matters anyway. I’m not going there to see him. I intend to spend time with my father and get to know my future stepmother better. I’m sure Cade will have his hands full with the ranch.” “I don’t know much about ranch life but, don’t he and his brothers employ people to take care of the place for them? You said it was a pretty successful spread.” “It is, but everyone pulls their weight around the ranch, even them. Actually, they probably work harder than the people they employ. They never ask anything of anyone they’re not willing to do themselves. I believe one of the reasons for the Devlin Ranch’s success is their work ethic. And their subordinates respect them for it. None of them walk around flaunting their money or position. I think you’d like the Devlin brothers. They’re probably some of the most genuine people you’ll ever meet.” A slight curve tilted Kyla’s full lips before she released a sigh. “They sound nice. Besides you, I don’t think I’ve met a genuine person in a long time.” “What about Nigel? He’s a sweetheart. He’s crazy about you.” Kyla snorted, rolling her eyes. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to be anyone’s cause. Enough about him.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Tell me more about the ranch. It sounds exciting. I’ve always pictured cowboys riding around the range, roping cattle, sitting around a campfire at night telling ghost tales while eating baked beans from a can.” Laughter tore from Jocelyn’s throat. “You watch entirely too many movies, my friend. Ranch life isn’t as glamorous as most people think. It’s a lot of long days and even more hard work.” “I thought you mentioned it being a Dude Ranch for tourists.” “Part of it is. Decker runs that side of the operation, but he puts in long hours—rises early and goes to bed late.” “Sounds exhausting. I hope I can keep up with the hectic pace.” “It can be, if you’re not used to it. When it’s all you know, it’s simply a way of life. But you don’t have to worry. You’re coming with me to rest, remember? Doctor’s orders.” “Ah, yes. It’ll be nice to take a walk without a member of the stalkerazzi jumping from behind a bush to snap my picture. And to finally have a little bit of peace. The road to redemption is definitely a tiring journey. I wonder what the press will make of my disappearance this time.” “I wouldn’t worry too much about them, sweetie. They’ll find someone else to harass soon enough. They always do.” “You’re probably right. Hmm.” Kyla rolled the window down and inhaled deeply. “Ah, I needed that.” Jocelyn flicked off the air conditioner. “I know what you mean. Nothing beats fresh air. I’d almost forgotten how much easier it is to breathe out in the country than it is in a huge city.” She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand. Her emotional outburst had tired her. “I wish I knew how to drive, otherwise I’d offer to take over for you.” With a shake of her head, Jocelyn pasted a smile on her face. “I appreciate the gesture, but I’ll be fine. We’re about a half hour away from Devlin Ranch. I can handle this last stretch. This is supposed to be your vacation, too. The only thing you need to worry about is rest and relaxation.” Kyla raised her shoulder in an elegant movement. Everything she did was with style and grace, her movements fluid. “I don’t intend to laze about for the next couple months. I’d like to help out where I can…and to offer the moral support you’re going to need.” “Thank you, but I’ll be fine. Your first priority is to rest and I fully intend to see you do exactly that.” “Are you sure? I didn’t imagine you tensing up when I mentioned Cade’s name. You were the one to bring up that dream of yours so it’s obviously bothering you. Sweetie, you can’t heal if you refuse to acknowledge it happened.” “It’s easy for you to say. You don’t understand what it feels like to be afraid wherever you go, to freeze up when someone so much as touches you. I know I’ve been labeled eccentric, but I feel physically ill every time I get that closed-in feeling. Do you think I want to live with this constant looking over my shoulder? Trust me, Kyla, if there was a way I could get over it in an instant, I would.” “Jos, I’m not trying to oversimplify what you’ve gone through, because God knows, I’ve been through my own private hell and I sympathize with your plight. You stood by me when I was going through my ordeal and I want to return the favor.” Jocelyn glanced at her friend with a great amount of affection swelling within her heart. If it weren’t for Kyla’s support and encouragement over the past few years, she might have suffered a serious breakdown. To look at the regal brown-skinned beauty, dubbed “the ice queen” by the tabloids and gossip blogs, one wouldn’t think she too, had her own demons to battle. No one knew the kind, giving person she actually was. Jocelyn wished Kyla would allow more people to see that side of her. “The simple fact you’re here with me is comfort enough. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.” With shaking hands, Jocelyn flipped on the radio, wanting to drop the uncomfortable subject she wished she hadn’t brought up. Kyla groaned. “Isn’t there anything else on other than country music? I’m not really in the mood to hear another song about some guy whose pickup truck was stolen, wife left him, and dog got rabies.” Despite the heaviness of their prior conversation, Jocelyn giggled. “Not all country music is like that. I’m sure after you’ve been on the ranch a few days, you’ll love it.” Kyla rolled her eyes, slouching deeper into the leather seat. “Yeah, only if I get a lobotomy within that time,” she muttered. “I’m going to catch a little shut eye. Wake me up when we get there.” “Will do.” This time around, Jocelyn welcomed the peace that followed. It allowed her to think about the events to come. Her stomach rumbled with each mile they drew closer. How much had the ranch changed in her absence? Had her father aged noticeably? Was the tire swing that hung from Old Hickory still there? Did Gertie still cook the best chili in the state of Texas? Most importantly, what would Cade say when he saw her again? He’d probably moved on with his life and found happiness in the arms of another woman. Who wouldn’t want the tall, blond hunk? It had been her decision to end their relationship, so she had no right to feel the shattering pain that gnawed at her insides when she imagined him with someone else. One thing she knew with absolute certainty, the next couple months would be a testament to her strength and Jocelyn hoped she had it in abundance.
Jocelyn gulped as she stepped on the porch of the house she’d grown up in. The two-seater swing chair, where she would sit for hours and sketch, was still there as was the weather-beaten rocking chair her father had favored. Everything was just as she remembered, down to the green shutters and slightly askew welcome mat with mini cows painted on it. Yet, she felt like an intruder, like she didn’t belong here, didn’t have the right to be here. A lump formed in her throat and she froze. Once she rang that bell, there was no turning back. Kyla gave her a slight tap. “Are you okay, Jos?” Jocelyn nodded. “Yeah, I guess I’m nervous. What if he—” She wasn’t able to finish that thought when the door was abruptly open. A pleasantly plump woman of short stature, with dirty blonde hair liberally streaked with grey, opened the door. Laugh lines framed her eyes and she wore a wide grin, revealing small white teeth. “Jocelyn! Welcome!” Before Jocelyn could respond, the other woman engulfed her in an embrace and rocked her from side to side. “It’s so good to finally see you face to face. I’ve seen your pictures in that television special they did on you, but you’re even prettier in person. Jack will be over the moon when he gets back. He’s gone into town to pick up some material to mend a fence.” Jocelyn had no choice but to return the hug. She could only assume this was the Lavern her father was planning to marry and with whom she’d corresponded over the last several weeks. There was something very genuine about the other woman that instantly put her at ease. “It’s nice to finally meet you face to face as well.” She pulled away in order to introduce her to Kyla. “And this is the friend I told you about. She’ll be staying with us.” Lavern walked over to the model with outstretched arms and hugged her as well. “Of course. Kyla. I’m mighty pleased to meet you. Jocelyn didn’t tell me how pretty you’d be, but I should have known, you being a model and all.” Kyla shot Jocelyn a questioning look. She’d made Jocelyn promise not to tell anyone who she was. Without the makeup and fancy clothes, Kyla looked a lot different than she did on the runway or within the pages of fashion magazines, but it didn’t change the fact that she was still an incredibly stunning beauty. “I didn’t say anything,” she mouthed to her friend. Lavern must have caught on because her grin widened. “She didn’t tell me you were a model, but it’s not that difficult to figure out. With your looks you’re going cause a riot among the men. You’re a mite skinny, dear, but no matter, we’ll fatten you up with some good old-fashion Texan cooking.” Kyla offered a small smile. “Thank you for having me.” Lavern waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t think about it, honey. Any friend of Jocelyn’s is obviously a friend of mine. Come on in, girls. I’ll call one of the boys over to get the rest of your things out of your truck later. I just made some iced tea. I’ll pour you two a glass.” Jocelyn followed Lavern inside and halted. It was like stepping back in time. There were new curtains and a few new paintings on the wall, but the décor was basically the same. The throw rug in the middle of the sitting room floor with its Aztec designs was still there. The old brown leather recliner her father favored rested in the corner. It even smelled the same. Like home. And there was no turning back. “It’s just like I remember.” “It’s very nice,” Kyla murmured politely. “Yes.” Lavern returned from the kitchen with two refreshing-looking glasses of iced tea. “Here you go, ladies.” She handed them each a glass. “What are you standing around for? Have a seat.” Once the three women were situated, Jocelyn and Kyla on the sofa and Lavern cattycorner in the loveseat, the tension slowly began to ease from Jocelyn’s body. This wasn’t as bad as she’d thought it would be. She felt comfortable in Lavern’s presence and was happy her father had found someone who seemed like a genuinely nice person. At least now she wouldn’t have to worry about him being lonely once she left again. Lavern smiled at them. “I was so nervous to meet you. Jack is always telling me about his famous daughter. I’ve never met a celebrity before.” Jocelyn stilled. “My father talks about me?” “Oh, yes. All the time. He’s sure going to be surprised to see you here.” “Didn’t he know I was coming?” Lavern shifted in her seat, a look of discomfort briefly crossed her face. “Well, he knew, but uh…he didn’t think you’d show up.” “Oh.” Her cheeks flamed in her embarrassment. So he had actually given up on her. The invitation was all Lavern’s doing and maybe she shouldn’t have come. “Don’t look so glum, honey. He just thought you’d be busy is all.” The older woman’s assurances didn’t help. Jocelyn, however, didn’t have long to ponder those words before the front door opened. “Lavern, if that tea is ready, I sure could use a glass.” Jocelyn’s heart sped up as a man topping six feet with broad shoulders entered the room. His checkered shirt was rolled up to the elbow and the top two buttons were undone to reveal a farmer’s tan. His sun kissed skin was lined more prominently than she remembered. He was still lean at the ripe age of fifty-six and just as handsome as he removed his Stetson to reveal a crop of salt and pepper hair ringed with the outline of his cowboy hat. His green eyes were still startling beneath dark bushy eyebrows. Her father. She wanted to say something to draw his attention to her, but the words got stuck in her throat. Placing her glass on the end table, Jocelyn stood, drawing his gaze in her direction. “Jossy?” He whispered her name as if he couldn’t believe she was standing there. Squinting and then shaking his head as if to banish an illusion, he rubbed his eyes with his fist. “It’s me, Daddy.” A bundle of nerves, she closed the gap between them, halting a foot away from him. He moved closer, extending his hand to cup the side of her face. “Baby?” There was still a hint of disbelief in his voice. Jocelyn leaned into his touch, enjoying the warmth of his palm against her face. “I’m home, Daddy.” His response was to take her in his arms and envelope her against him into a big bear hug. Jocelyn could barely breathe he held her so tight, but she didn’t care. Wrapping her arms around his waist she squeezed him back, and tears flowed freely down her face. “I’m so sorry I stayed away so long.” Her father stroked the back of her head as he rocked her from side to side. “It’s okay, baby. You’re home now and it’s all that matters.” He grabbed her forearms and pulled away from her to reveal tear-moistened eyes of his own. As her gaze locked with his, love welled within her heart. She was finally home.
Chapter Two Cade brushed Sugar’s chestnut coat with steady strokes, trying hard to maintain focus on his task. Frustration ate at him with each passing second but there wasn’t a damn thing to do about it. Somehow he’d have to figure out how to get through these next several weeks without going crazy. When the mare whinnied, tossing her dark mane from side to side to signal her displeasure, he realized he was being too rough. Rubbing her nose in an appeasing gesture, he attempted to soothe her. “I’m sorry, girl. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” Sugar snorted as if to say there was no excuse. Cade grinned. She was a true diva. At least the animals never changed. “I guess you’re not going to let me off so easily, huh?” He reached into his pocket and produced a sugar cube, which she quickly gobbled from his hand. She nudged him slightly with the tip of her nose. Cade chuckled. “So all’s forgiven?” The horse snorted. Good ole’ Sugar. She never let him down. “Bribing the animals again I see? It’s no wonder they give anyone else who wants to groom them a hard time.” Cade didn’t bother turning to greet his brother when he entered the stable. He knew what was coming and didn’t have the patience to be bothered. He’d been avoiding Stone like the plague these past several days. “Don’t you have anything better to do than stalk me?” “I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t hightail it out of a room whenever I enter it.” “Maybe there’s a reason for that.” “I never figured you for a coward, little brother.” “When I want a personal assessment of the kind of man I am, I’ll visit a shrink.” Stone moved closer. “You can’t hang out in here for the rest of her visit, you know.” Cade clenched and unclenched his jaw as he resumed brushing Sugar. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stone, and frankly I don’t have time for guessing games.” “Bullshit. Jocelyn has been home three days now, and you’ve been hiding out in the stables, and running errands that take you off the ranch for long stretches.” “It’s called doing my damn job. You’re making mountains out of molehills.” “Let’s be honest here, Cade. You could easily have sent one of the men on those runs and you probably would have in most circumstances. You’re delaying the inevitable, you know. It’s only a matter of time before you two have to face each other again.” Cade’s nostrils flared and lips tightened. What he really wanted to do was deck Stone for his interference, but he just managed to keep his temper in check. He was tired of the sympathetic looks his brothers had been shooting him since Jocelyn’s arrival. Knowing what they were thinking annoyed the hell out of him. Why were they making a big production about him seeing someone he could care less about? “Yeah, I know. What’s it to you?” “You’ve been ornerier than a rattlesnake in a chicken coop and I for one am getting tired of walking around this place on egg shells. I talked to Decker and Ridge and they both agree with me—” “Hold it. If I wanted to hear what the three of you were saying behind my back, I’d have asked, but as you can see I’m not interested. Why don’t you go bug someone else? As you can see I’m busy.” “So busy you’ve been brushing that same spot. At the rate you’re going, you’re about to brush a hole into Sugar’s coat.” Cade moved to another spot on the horse. “Satisfied?” Stone grasped his shoulder. “We’re concerned, Cade.” Cade shrugged off the hand and tossed the brush aside, giving up all pretense of grooming the mare. “I don’t have to stand here and listen to this shit.” When he attempted to walk away, Stone moved in front of him, blocking his way. “Move before I knock you on your ass.” “Try it, little brother, and you just might get the whuppin’ you sorely deserve. Now would you hold up for a minute and give me a chance to speak before you storm away in a huff?” Cade leaned against a rail in defeat. “Do I have much of a choice?” “Nope.” “Then get it over with,” Cade growled. “Like I said before, we’re worried. You can’t go around pretending she’s not here. Sooner or later your paths will cross.” There was something in the way Stone said that last statement that made Cade straighten up. Why did he get the distinct impression his brother wasn’t telling him something? “Is there something you’re not telling me that I should be aware of?” Stone scratched the back of his head, breaking eye contact. Now Cade knew something was up. “Spill it, Stone.” “Uh, actually, it’ll be much sooner rather than later.” “Meaning?” “Aunt Earlene is throwing a little dinner party in Jocelyn’s honor.” Cade folded his arms across his chest, clenching his teeth together. He knew what was coming and he was having none of it. “Good for Aunt Earlene. So what does that have to do with me?” Stone rolled his eyes heavenward. It was obvious he was annoyed, but Cade didn’t give a damn. So was he. He didn’t initiate this conversation nor did he want to have it. “She wants all of us there.” “Then I’ll send my regrets. Is that all?” He made another attempt to leave, but Stone stood in his way. Cade debated on giving his brother a shove, but knew the other man wouldn’t budge without a fight. Tussling with one of his brothers never inspired much fear in him, but he wasn’t in the mood to be bothered. Besides, if he gave reign to his temper, it would only give his brothers something else to be “concerned” about. Jocelyn wasn’t worth fighting for as far as he was concerned. “No, and you damn well know it. Would you stop being such a stubborn cuss? You frustrate the hell out of me sometimes.” Cade snorted. “If you find me so difficult, then why not leave me alone and go nag someone else? Actually, I’d prefer it.” “Because the good Lord decided to play a prank on me and made you my little brother. And whether you want to hear it or not, I’m nagging you, as you put it, because I love you.” “Look, I appreciate the kind words, but I don’t care to participate in this Hallmark moment. So if you expect me to break down or share my feelings because it’s supposed to make me feel better then forget it. I have a lot of work to do which you’re preventing me from doing.” Stone didn’t reply right away. Instead he gave him an impenetrable stare that made most people quake in their boots. Stone could outstare a mountain lion when he set his mind to it, but Cade wouldn’t back down. Returning the determined stare with one of his own Cade entered a silent battle of wills with his brother. After the quiet stretched to an eerie amount of time, Stone finally sighed, breaking eye contact. “This is fucking ridiculous. You’re eventually going to have to let go of all that anger you’re carrying. Maybe once you see Jocelyn, you’ll be able to get over her.” Cade resented the hell out of that statement. Did Stone honestly think he was still pining for a woman who was probably never worthy of his love in the first place? Someone who could take a young man’s heart and crush it without a thought. “Who says I’m not already? You’re reading more into this than there is. I just don’t feel like sitting down to break bread and talk about old times that are probably best forgotten.” Cade yanked out a pack of gum from his pocket and popped a piece into his mouth, more so for something to do than wanting it. “Doesn’t sound like you’re over her to me.” Cade narrowed his eyes, contemplating that punch again. Just one square shot to Stone’s jaw and he’d be out of here. “Do I look like I’m concerned about what you think?” “Would you stop being such an ass! If you’re over her as you claim, then you shouldn’t have a problem coming to dinner tonight.” “Maybe I have better things to do with my time than fawn over Queen Jocelyn. Magic is expecting her foal any day now and I should be around when that happens. I can’t stop everything at the drop of a hat because of that woman.” Stone raised a dark brow. “That woman’s name is Jocelyn. Remember? She used to live on this ranch and she was like family. No, she was family, so don’t pretend otherwise.” Cade’s lips tightened as he balled his hands into tight fists at his sides. Deep down he knew his brother meant well, but the more they dwelled on this topic the shorter his patience became. “I know what the hell her name is.” He barely managed to get the words out through gritted teeth. “Then use it. Look, I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of you and why it ended, but avoiding her won’t help matters.” It would certainly help his peace of mind. Cade rubbed his temples to soothe the coming headache. Stone wasn’t going away unless he opened up and Cade didn’t want to, but he had to say something to get his brother off his back. “There’s not really much to tell that I haven’t already told you. When I went to Dallas to see her, she told me in not so many words she’d outgrown me and I didn’t fit into the lifestyle she wanted for herself.” He didn’t dare go into further detail because that familiar tightening of chest seized him from within. Stone scratched his head, frowning. “Yeah, you told us that already, but hell if I’m not confused. That doesn’t sound like our Jos. There has to be more to it. Maybe you misunderstood her.” “Oh, I heard her loud and clear. I wasn’t good enough for her anymore. Why the hell are you defending her anyway? She stayed away from the ranch all this time, basically ignoring her own father’s existence. If that’s not proof, I don’t know what is. If she can treat blood like that, do you think she gave a shit about me or any of us? You’re remembering the kid she used to be, not the she-demon she turned into. If you’re willing to sit around the table talking about the good old days with her as if everything is okay, then be my guest. I’ll pass.” “Cade—” “Don’t Cade me. You know I’m right. When she left the way she did, she basically shit on us all. We treated her like family. Aunt Earlene watched out for Jocelyn when her mother died. You, Ridge and Decker treated her like a sister and I lo—” He broke off, nearly choking on the words. Goddamn her! Why the hell did she have to come back and ruin the life he’d carved for himself? “And you loved her,” Stone said softly. “I know, little bro. We all did.” Cade shook his head. “But not like I did. She was everything to me: my heart, my soul, and my reason for getting up in the morning. She owned my heart. Fool that I was, I never thought she’d stomp on it and laugh while she was doing it. Like you, I was in denial, thinking perhaps there was more to it, but when she never came back, I finally accepted she meant it. And maybe you should too because once she gets bored with you, she’ll discard you like garbage. It’s was a hard lesson but, I’m over it now and her.” “Then prove it. Join us for dinner tonight.” Cade flared his nostrils. “You’re really going to push this thing until I give in, aren’t you?” “If you’re over her like you say you are, I don’t see why you can’t spare a couple hours of your time to have a meal with the family. If not for yourself, do it for Aunt Earlene. This dinner means a whole lot to her. Besides, she’s been on us about getting together for dinner. You’ll be killing two birds with one stone.” Cade knew he was fighting a losing battle. “You’re a pain in the ass, do you know that?” Stone chuckled. “So I’ve been told. This dinner won’t be so bad. You’ll see.” Cade shrugged. “I’m only doing this because I know if I don’t, you’ll send Decker and Ridge my way for a talk. I don’t think I can handle another round of the Spanish Inquisition. What the hell are you so chipper about anyway? You actually sound like you’re looking forward to this. Are you that eager to see her?” Stone looked away and kicked dirt beneath his feet. “Well, uh, of course. It’s been a long time.” Why did his brother get shifty all of a sudden? Was there something he wasn’t telling him about? “Really? It’s funny, because I thought you’d already seen her. Or at least you told me you did the other day.” Cade raised a brow. “Come on. Spill it. What’s going on?” Blood rushed to Stone’s face turning it bright red. The last time he’d seen his thirty-six-year-old brother blush was twenty years ago when he and his other brothers watched Stone feeling up his girlfriend Mandy Carmichael in the barn. Did this have anything to do with a woman? Jocelyn? The thought bothered Cade more than he cared to admit. He flared his nostrils momentarily. “Did anything happen between you two?” “Us two? What the hell are you talking about?” “Between you and her I mean.” “Jocelyn? Are you serious? She’s like a kid sister to me.” “Oh.” Not wanting to dwell on the brief feeling of relief, Cade continued his interrogation. “So why are you acting so giddy? Got laid recently?” “Hardly. Been too busy for that lately.” “So what is it then?” Stone frowned. “What is this, twenty questions?” Cade chuckled. “Don’t like it when the shoe is on the other foot, do you?” “Fine. If you must know, Jocelyn didn’t come alone.” “Ah.” It made sense to Cade now. “I assume her traveling companion is a gorgeous female.” “Perhaps.” What Stone didn’t say told Cade more than what he actually said. But he decided not to press the issue. Stone had demons of his own to fight and if he was finally showing interest in other females since his disastrous first marriage, then who was Cade to judge? He only hoped for his brother’s sake, the mysterious traveling companion didn’t turn out to be a total bitch like Jocelyn. “I see.” “Well, I’ve got to run some errands before I head home to wash up. I’ll see you tonight at six. Don’t be late.” Nodding, he released the pent-up breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “All right.” Once he was alone again, Cade rested his head on the railing. It was definitely going to be a long night. He’d known about Jocelyn’s imminent visit for weeks and had debated on whether to take a vacation during her stay, but decided if he left it would be obvious why. He wasn’t a coward and he’d be damned if he allowed her to dictate his movements. This was his home and he was the one who belonged here. She was the outsider. Despite the years that had gone by, the women who’d flitted in and out of his life, and his attempt to push her memory to the furthest corners of his mind, Cade still couldn’t forget her. How could he when he’d loved Jocelyn Winters since he was thirteen years old? It had been the tail end of summer with the kind of heat that made your clothes stick to your skin and people retreat for shade the minute they stepped outdoors. Jocelyn was sixteen. She’d always been pretty, but in her mid-teens she was breathtaking, or maybe that’s when he’d really taken a good look at her. With long, silky black hair that cascaded down to her waist and sherry-colored, almond-shaped eyes that gave away her Chinese heritage, she was Cade’s wet dreams come true. He’d spent hours thinking about her pouty red lips and dreaming of the day when he could finally kiss them. And that body. Hot damn, that body! She was short, but curvy in all the right places, reminding him of one of the girls in Stone’s dirty magazines. Cade and his brothers were taking a swim in the pond to cool off when Jocelyn came along. She had been like a big sister to him, but seeing her that day in a one piece clinging so tightly to her body, as the sun glinted through her hair like black gold, he’d grown uncomfortably stiff and made an excuse to leave before anyone else noticed. From that moment on, he’d made a point of being wherever she was. Cade was sure she only saw him as a friend in the beginning, but on her eighteenth birthday, he’d made his move. He’d kissed her square on the lips and told her how he felt.. Jocelyn had laughed off the encounter, but the way her lips had briefly clung to his had given his teenage heart hope. The time hadn’t been right for them then, but three years later, realizing he couldn’t go another day without making her his, Cade tried again. To his surprise and delight, she admitted to her feelings for him. He’d walked around the ranch with his chest puffed out, confident in the fact he’d finally secured Jocelyn’s love. They’d shared something special, or so he thought, until the promise of bright lights and city living seduced Jocelyn away from the ranch and away from him. Cade might have dealt with the break-up better had it not been for the way she’d done it. In all the years he’d known her, he would never have believed she could be so cruel. But she was: ending all his dreams of spending the rest of his life with her. And for that, he could never forgive her. While he’d loved her with everything he had, she’d been laughing behind his back. She’d used him as her own personal boy toy and the humiliation of it still burned in his gut. He might have to sit through dinner with her tonight but if she expected him to pretend as if everything was fine and dandy, she could forget it.
Chapter Three Jocelyn halted at the door of the old house she’d spent many hours of her childhood exploring. She couldn’t do it. He was in there. Though she’d tried her best to come up with a suitable excuse for not coming, she knew she couldn’t gracefully bow out of dinner without hurting Aunt Earlene’s feelings. Kyla gently pushed her forward. “You’ll have to go in sometime, Jos. Standing here won’t change things.” “I know, but it’s easier said than done.” “Look, you thought things would be awkward between you and your father and look what happened? He was genuinely pleased to see you.” Jocelyn didn’t bother to correct her friend on that particular notion. Yes, her father had been happy at their reunion, but over the last couple days there’d been a reserve in his manner around her. It was almost as if he didn’t know what to say to her. It was a bit sad considering how close they had once been. Her father was her best friend. There had been a time when she could go to him for absolutely anything. Theirs was the kind of father and daughter relationship television shows were based on. But she’d destroyed all of that. And this distance was a result. If her own father wasn’t himself around her, how would Aunt Earlene be? What about Decker and Ridge? At least she’d have Stone and Kyla in her corner, but would that be enough to get her through this dinner? Jocelyn took deep breaths to calm her jumbled nerves and hoped she wasn’t about to have a full-blown panic attack. When she was in her Jos Song persona, world-renowned fashion designer, she found a way to brazen through. She was confident and sure of herself. But she’d left her alter ego back in New York. There was no mask to hide behind. Here she was simply Jocelyn Winters. Turning around, she shook her head vehemently. “I can’t do it.” She turned around and attempted to turn away. Her friend blocked her way, standing with arms akimbo and a take-one-more-step-and-I’ll-kill-you look. “You’ve come this far and I’m not letting you run away now. If I can get through a dinner with a bunch of people I don’t know, I think you can manage. You know how I am with strangers.” “They won’t be strangers for long. Anyway, it’s not the same. These are people I’ve stayed away from for a long time. Maybe there’ll be some resentment.” “If that was the case, I doubt a dinner party would be thrown in your honor. If I can get through this night, I know you can.” “I’m scared.” Kyla took her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You’ll be fine, girl. They’ll all be glad to see you.” Jocelyn sighed, she knew at least one person wouldn’t but she appreciated the gesture. “Well, I know someone who’ll be eager to see you.” “Me? Who?” “Stone, silly. You’d have to blind not to notice how he looked at you the other day.” Kyla rolled her eyes. “He was probably being polite, not that it matters anyway. I’ve sworn off men for good. And stop stalling. It’s not going to work. Your dad and Lavern are probably wondering what’s keeping you. Now turn around and knock on the door before I do it for you.” “I can—” Leaning forward, Kyla rapped on the door and then pulled back with a smug smile curving her glossy lips. “There. Now, it’s too late to run off.” It was on the tip of Jocelyn’s tongue to tell Kyla where to shove it when the door opened. “My word.” Aunt Earlene, the ageless matron of the Devlin Ranch, grinned, showing every single one of her teeth. “Don’t you look prettier than a sunset on a summer’s day? Come here, girl, and give me a hug.” She found herself engulfed in Aunt Earlene’s arms and inhaling the sweet smells of home she’d missed in her absence. There was no doubting the sincerity in the older woman’s welcome. Jocelyn quickly glanced behind her to see Kyla looking smug as if she’d know things would turn out this way all along. So far so good. If her initial meeting with her father and Stone was anything to go by, seeing Decker and Ridge again would be a piece of cake. She could only hope. Her father and Stone’s reception made her feel so at home, she almost couldn’t remember why she’d stayed away for so long. Then, it would all come back to her. She was no longer whole. Being around the people she loved, holding in her secret was too much for her to handle. Maybe it still was, but she couldn’t back out now. When she opened her mouth to speak, the words caught in her throat, choking her. Biting back a sob, she buried her face against Aunt Earlene’s neck. She smelled of lemons and homemade chocolate chip cookies, scents she held dear. How many times had she come to this woman whenever she had a problem, a boo boo to kiss or simply for a hug? This woman had been the mother figure to her when Jocelyn’s own mom had passed. The older woman stroked her hair, squeezing Jocelyn’s petite frame against her massive bosom. “There’s no need for tears, sweetie.” Jocelyn raised her head to meet warm, smiling brown eyes. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in contact for so long. I should have called at least. Can you forgive me?” Aunt Earlene pulled back to brush away the tears dangling from the corner of Jocelyn’s eyes. “Aww, sugar, there’ll be none of that. This is a celebration. You’re home and that’s what’s important. Let’s leave the past where it belongs.” She looked past Jocelyn’s shoulder with lifted brows. “And who’s your pretty friend?” Thankful for a chance to change the subject, Jocelyn held out her hand to her friend and brought Kyla forward. “This is my very best friend, Kyla. Kyla, this is Aunt Earlene, she’s the glue that holds the Devlin family together.” Kyla held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Earlene. Jocelyn’s been singing your praises since our arrival.” The older woman waved her hand dismissively and pulled Kyla into her embrace. “We don’t stand on formality in this home. You can call me Aunt Earlene as well, everyone else does.” A frown turned down the corners of her lips. “Have we met before?” Kyla stiffened slightly but just enough for Jocelyn to catch the movement. “Uh, I guess I just have that kind of face.” Nervous laughter trickled from Kyla’s throat and her dark eyes widened. Jocelyn likened it to a deer caught in headlights. She knew it well. Aunt Earlene wasn’t so easily swayed, giving Kyla a long, hard look. “No. I’m almost certain of it. Are you related to the Cartwrights by any chance?” Kyla shook her head. “No. I don’t have much family. Just my mother.” “Hmm, but I just know I’ve seen you somewhere. Are you sure we haven’t met? I may be getting up there in years, but I never forget a face.” Kyla shifted uncomfortably. “Well I…” “Umm, shouldn’t we be going in?” Jocelyn intervened, hooking her arm through Aunt Earlene’s. “Where are my manners? Of course. Come on in, you two. Dinner is ready. Gertie will have a fit if we let it get cold.” Earlene sighed. Once Jocelyn stepped inside the house, memories came flooding back to her. Not much had changed. The family portrait still rested in the same silver gilded frame on the table when you walked into the hallway. It still smelled like cinnamon and coffee and most of the furniture was still in the same spot. The house was large without being ostentatious, looking lived in and welcoming rather than cold and museum like as many of the large houses she’d been in. Now that she’d hurried them all inside, Jocelyn wished she hadn’t. A knot of dread twisted in the pit of her stomach as they drew closer to the dining room. They’d all be there. He’d be there. “Look, who’s come and joined us.” Earlene was all smiles. Ridge and Decker pushed away from the table and stood before striding toward her. “Squirt, is that you?” Ridge made it to her first, all smiles. He’d filled out a bit, but for the most part he looked the same. Releasing the deep breath she’d been holding on to, Jocelyn smiled, allowing him to lift her off the ground in a big bear hug. “I’m hardly a squirt. You’re just really tall.” She laughed hugging him back as hard as she could. “Good to see you again.” “You’ve been gone way too long, squirt.” Ridge placed her back on her feet and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Don’t let the next visit take so long, okay?” Before Jocelyn could reply, Decker gave his brother a playful shove and grabbed Jocelyn, twirling her around. She giggled. “Put me down. You’re making me dizzy.” Decker grinned, putting her back down as instructed. “You look great. New York has been kind to you. We’re all so proud of how your career turned out.” Jocelyn felt shy all of a sudden at the mention of her career. “Thank you. Um, Ridge, Decker, this is my good friend Kyla who’s visiting with me.” Decker smiled wolfishly as he eyed the tall beauty up and down. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Any close friend of Jocelyn’s is a close friend of mine, or at least I hope so.” Ridge took the model’s other hand. “Don’t listen to him, sweetness. He’s full of hot air. Nice to meet you.” “Okay, give the lady some room,” Stone growled, appearing at their side like lightning. He took Kyla by the elbow and guided her away from his brothers. “Sit next to me.” There was a note of command in that invitation. Kyla moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and glanced Jocelyn’s way. Help me was stamped all over her face. Jocelyn hooked her arm through Kyla’s. “She’s sitting by me.” Aunt Earlene objected. “Now don’t you all go messing up my seating arrangements.” The laid-back matron quickly morphed into drill sergeant at the mention of her dinner seating being tampered with. “Kyla, you can sit next to Ridge on the end, and Jocelyn can sit with Cade.” The moment she’d feared since her arrival was finally here and all she wanted to do was bolt. Though the need to turn around and leave without a backward glance seized her, she somehow found the nerve to remain where she stood. Reluctantly, she sought Cade out among the diners. Before she could help herself, a gasp escaped her lips when her gaze collided with a pair of piercing blue eyes narrowed with blatant hostility. The old cliché if looks could kill came to mind, but it wasn’t a strong enough description. Not only would she be dead on the spot, she’d be six feet under as well. Never had she been on the other end of so much contempt, and it twisted her on the insides. Yet, she couldn’t break eye contact. Cade Devlin. The first man she’d truly loved, and probably the only one she ever would. Her breath came out in short pants and her heart beat at an erratic pace. The pure hatred radiating from him held her paralyzed. Even if she wanted to move, Jocelyn couldn’t. She’d expected some hard feelings, but not this animosity so strong she could feel it in her bones. The tension must have been felt by Kyla too because she sprang to her rescue. “Aunt Earlene, if you don’t mind very much, could I switch places with Jocelyn? I hate to cause trouble but I have this thing about being close to a window.” Jocelyn knew what Kyla was doing and she appreciated her for it. It was one thing to sit at the same table with him glaring at her throughout dinner, but being so close to him, there would have been no hope of eating a single bite. Earlene sighed as if she realized her seating chart was doomed, but ever the gracious hostess, she nodded accommodatingly. “Of course, sweetheart.” Kyla grasped Jocelyn’s arm, forcing her to tear her gaze from the angry blond still shooting daggers at her with his eyes. The concern marring the other woman’s face was enough to snap Jocelyn out of her small panic attack. Pasting a smile on her face, she waved at her father and Lavern, who were already seated, as she moved to take her seat next to Ridge. After taking her seat, she realized this arrangement wasn’t much better because Cade sat across the table. Though one chair over from her direct line of vision, he was still close enough for her to catch him out the corner of her eye. This was going to be a long dinner. She silently prayed for the strength to get through it without having a complete freak out. Gertie came out of the kitchen to announce dinner would be out shortly. She gave Jocelyn a brief nod of acknowledgement before heading back to her domain. Jocelyn took no offense at the other woman’s abruptness. Gertie wasn’t much on words or displaying emotion, but her heart was usually in the right place. She’d been the family’s cook for as long as Jocelyn could remember. But despite her gruffness, she was a big softie on the inside. Aunt Earlene took her place at the head of the table and turned a ferocious frown on her youngest nephew. “Cade, where are your manners, boy. Aren’t you going to greet Jocelyn?” Cade raised a dark blond brow. “I’m sorry. Is it my turn?” He turned that steely gaze back in her direction. “Jocelyn,” he said with barely a nod. She swallowed what felt like a huge lump in her throat. “Hello, Cade. It…it’s good to see you again.” He snorted. “Yeah?” She was saved from replying when the cook wheeled dinner out from the kitchen. She could have kissed Gertie right then. Jocelyn took a deep breath, vowing not to let him get under her skin. When her meal was served, she focused on her food. Jocelyn’s mouth watered. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen food like this. This particular meal was one of her favorites: barbequed beef brisket, string beans, white potatoes and cornbread. “Looks good, Gertie.” Jocelyn smiled at the older woman. “I can’t wait to dig in.” Gertie grunted in acknowledgement, a hint of a smile twisting her thin lips. “There’s no need for you to be so patronizing. A sophisticated palate like yours is probably used to caviar and lobster,” Cade drawled. “Too bad, you’ll have to eat what the rest of us little people do for the night.” Jocelyn froze. She should have gone with her first instinct and ran out the door when she had the chance, but now that she’d taken her seat there was no way she could ease out of this situation gracefully. Finally finding her voice, she managed to reply with a smile she could barely maintain. “This looks just fine. Actually, I’m not a big lobster and caviar fan. I find this much more appealing.” Cade leaned forward with a smirk twisting those sensual lips which he’d once used to kiss her all over. “My apologies, ma’am. I forgot you sophisticated New York types drink your meals.” He exaggerated his accent as he pronounced each word. Someone at the table gasped. “Cade,” someone else hissed. Heat rushed to her cheeks and she was sure her face was bright red. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. Especially if he planned on throwing rude comments her way through the duration of dinner. She bit the inside of her cheek in order to focus on the physical pain rather than the gripping emotional ache shredding her soul. The tension sizzling between them was so thick most of the others around the dinner table shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Jocelyn dared to look up to see Cade still staring at her as though he would rather see her in hell than to share a meal with her. He hated her, just as she’d known he would. It’s what she’d intended during their last encounter. She told herself this was something she needed to deal with. If only she could get through this night. Trying to defuse the unease whirling around the dinner table she tried to laugh. But it sounded forced, even to her. “I’m sure some of them do, but I’ve been too busy focusing on my work to think about the eating habits of New Yorkers.” Quiet fell across the table as everyone focused on their meals. She caught her father’s gaze and he looked pissed. He looked as if he wanted to strangle Cade and he just might have if Jocelyn hadn’t shaken her head. She didn’t want any trouble, especially on her behalf. Cade was hurting and she was the cause. He was entitled to his pain. She forked a couple bites of beef into her mouth and realized to her regret her appetite was long gone. Jocelyn saw Kyla had given up all pretense of eating and moved her food across her plate. Aunt Earlene looked around the table, bewilderment knitting her brows. “Jocelyn,” Ridge broke the uncomfortable silence swarming around everyone, “tell us what it’s like becoming a famous designer and living in the big city.” She shrugged, all her enthusiasm over seeing everyone again gone. “It’s actually not as thrilling as it sounds. Admittedly, if you’re new to New York it’s fun and there’s lot to do and it’s scary and exciting all at once. It’s truly the city that never sleeps. I can’t think of anywhere in the world where I can get a slice of cheesecake at three in the morning on the way to a club that doesn’t close until well into the morning. But after a while, the novelty wears off and all the glitz and glamour fades and it’s just another city. Like I said, I spent most of my days working and most nights doing the same. My workload has only increased since I broke away from The House of Buccini to start my own label. I’m one of the lucky ones though. I’ve had a surprising amount of success, but for every success story, there are thousands of would-be designers who’d give their eyeteeth to be in my position. So it motivates me to work that much harder to get to a point where I can spread my wings a bit and try out other venues.” “Like what?” Decker asked, seeming genuinely interested. “I’ve been asked by a major department retailer to go into partnerships with them to design an affordable line for the everyday working woman. The idea is really appealing. I like doing high fashion, but not everyone can afford my designs. But with this new line, more women will be able to wear my stuff. I’m also branching out to menswear and household products.” “Whew!” Aunt Earlene chuckled. “How ever do you find the time, child? I bet you’re awful proud of our Jossy, aren’t you, Jack?” Her father nodded. “Sure am.” Jocelyn wondered at that because he hadn’t mentioned it since she’d been home but she decided not to dwell on it. “We all knew you’d make it. You have way too much talent not to,” Stone added. A faint smile touched the corners of Jocelyn’s lips, but just as quickly as it came, it left the second her gaze collided with Cade’s again. She lowered her head, concentrating on the contents of her plate, even though the sight of the food that had tempted her only minutes before was beginning to make her stomach turn. Not because it looked unappetizing, but her nerves were getting the better of her. She glanced away from it and attempted to inject some enthusiasm in her voice. “The project I’m looking forward to most is designing Lavern’s wedding dress.” Lavern blushed. “Who would have thought I’d be wearing a wedding gown designed by a famous fashion designer. The ladies at church are going to be pea green with envy.” Jack gave his fiancée a fond smile. “You’ll look beautiful in whatever you wear, my dear.” The obvious affection her father felt toward his future bride touched Jocelyn. He deserved some happiness in his life. Aunt Earlene shook her head in apparent wonder. “My word, child, I remember when you used to make clothes for your dolls on my old sewing machine, and they were good, too. And you have a fancy name to go with all that success. Did you choose your pseudonym for your mother?” Jocelyn nodded. “I wanted to honor her memory.” Aunt Earlene smiled, her head bobbing up and down in her apparent approval. “You always were such a thoughtful girl. Mei would have been so proud. I’m sure she’s in heaven watching over you. I’m so glad you realized your dream. “ “Thank you. That means a lot.” Her mother had died from breast cancer when Jocelyn was five but the connection she’d felt to her was still strong. “I’m not sure if I should ask for your autograph. I’ve never been in the presence of a real celebrity before,” Decker teased. Jocelyn squirmed in her chair, slightly embarrassed with the praise, especially with Cade shooting daggers her way from the other end of the table. “I’m just happy I’ve been able to make a living doing something I love.” “And so modest. I always knew you’d be someone special,” Earlene continued. “Jocelyn was always something special. We’re all very proud of her accomplishments. She’s done us proud.” Her father beamed, his green eyes twinkling. “Earlene is right you know. Your mama would have been so pleased, gal.” Jocelyn’s eyes moistened. “Thanks, Daddy.” In an abrupt movement that caught everyone off guard, Cade pushed away from the table and stood so quickly he shook the table. “What the hell is wrong with you people? Am I the only one who’s sickened by this? How can you all sit around pretending like everything is all right?” Jocelyn’s mouth fell open. He’d been stewing for the past few minutes, but she figured he’d keep quiet. This outburst however, was beyond anything she expected. Though Cade’s words were directed at everyone, his gaze was firmly fixed on her. And he was pissed. His face was red to the root of his blond locks and his nostrils were flared. “Cade, sit down,” Stone barked at his brother. “Yeah, you’re being an ass, Cade,” Decker yelled. “Hell no! You all might want to sit around and act like everything is hunky dory, but how can you forget how she turned her back on all of us, claiming we weren’t good enough for her. Lavern, I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you about that dress. She’s good at changing her mind. Jack, hasn’t she broken your heart enough already? How do you know she’ll stick around long enough for your wedding and if she does, when she’s gone again, how many more years will it be before she comes back?” Jack’s mouth firmed to one thin line. “She’s my daughter, Cade. And I’d appreciate it if you watch your tone when you speak of her.” Cade snorted. “Exactly. She’s your daughter. For all that seemed to matter to her! While she was off leading the glamorous life, she couldn’t be bothered to visit when you had your heart attack.” Jack stood up and glared at the younger man. “I don’t care if I work you, but you will not talk to my daughter that way!” Lavern grabbed his arm. “Jack, don’t get worked up…your blood pressure.” Jocelyn’s hand flew to her mouth. “Daddy? What’s he talking about?” Cade’s glare intensified. “Don’t pretend you didn’t get the calls or the emails. The rest of you can sit around and make believe we’re a big happy family because Jos Song, oh Queen of the high fashion world, decided to grace us with her glorious presence, but I want no part of it.” He turned on the heels of his leather boots and stormed out of the living room, the thundering of his footsteps giving away his mood. If the earlier silence had been uncomfortable, this was downright awkward. This scene was exactly what she hadn’t wanted. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to do her meal any justice and not wanting to be a further distraction, she threw her napkin on the table and stood up. “I think I’ll head back to Dad’s house, if you guys don’t mind. I’m not really feeling well. I sometimes get these migraines that come on suddenly. I believe once I’ve lain down for a while I’ll feel better.” Aunt Earlene seemed as if she wanted to protest, but thought better of it. “Of course, dear. But I’ll expect you to come for lunch tomorrow.” Though she spoke gently enough, the quiet authority in her tone brooked no argument. Jocelyn nodded and then held up her hand when it looked as if Kyla would join her. Right now she needed to be alone. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” she mouthed to him before hurrying away before anyone could spy the tears gathering in her eyes.
Chapter Four “You little shit! I ought to break your goddamn neck for that stunt you pulled back there,” Stone practically roared when he approached Cade standing by the pond. Cade didn’t bother to acknowledge his brother as he skipped another rock along the water’s surface. He wasn’t a bit sorry for what he’d said and refused to apologize for it, especially when Jocelyn had sat there as cool as she pleased, playing the innocent in her self-created melodrama. She had no right to be there, pretending she hadn’t cast them all aside—cast him aside. She had no right to sit there and smile so smugly over her success pretending a false modesty. And most of all, she had no right to be even more beautiful than he remembered or to make him still want her, for that matter. Stone grasped his shoulder, forcing Cade to turn around. “Look at me, when I’m talking to you, dammit!” “From where I’m standing you weren’t talking to me, but at me. Can’t you see I don’t want to be bothered?” “Obviously, but I’m not going anywhere. You owe every single person in that house an apology for acting like a spoiled brat. Aunt Earlene worked hard planning that meal. She and Gertie spent hours cooking in the kitchen to make everything perfect. And furthermore, if I was Jack I would have knocked you on your self-righteous ass.” Cade shrugged off the hand still gripping his shoulder. “Piss off, Stone. I meant every goddamned word I said and everyone knew I was right. I think I might have gotten through that mockery of a meal had she not tried to play the innocent. She ignored her father’s heart attack for chrissake and now she’s pretending to not know about it? I don’t buy that shit for a second.” “You were hostile from the minute she stepped into the dining room. Don’t use the heart attack excuse.” “But it’s true. Admit it, Stone. You’ve had to wonder why she couldn’t be bothered to at least call to find out if her father was okay when he had a heart attack. Jack is like a father to us and when I found him in the stables that day bent over the stall, I was scared. I swallowed my damn pride in my attempt to contact that selfish little bitch but did she bother to return anyone’s calls or answer our letters?” Stone frowned. “I wondered about it myself at the time, but there has to be some rational explanation. There’s got to be some logical reason for us not hearing back from her. There’s no doubting she loves her father. I mean, you should have seen the look on her face when you mentioned the heart attack. She was genuinely surprised.” “Or she’s a good actress.” “You’re being way too harsh, bro.” “Your point?” “Cut her some slack, man.” Cade scooped up another rock from the ground and skipped it across the pond. “If that’s what you want to do then you’re a fool, but it’s my prerogative if I choose not to. I’m not going to be roped in by those lying eyes again.” Stone grabbed his arm. “Stop it, Cade. You can’t do this her entire stay.” Cade pulled away from him. “Says you.” “And Decker and Ridge for that matter. I think Ridge wanted to come to get you instead of me, and you know what a hothead he is. The two of you would have ended up throwing blows. Look, all I’m trying to say is, you made everyone at the house damned uncomfortable, even before you uttered a single word. I understand the two of you had a history together, but you have to start thinking about the people around you.” “I am thinking about other people. It’s why I couldn’t sit around and listen to you all get lied to.” “What exactly is she lying about?” Cade didn’t have a ready answer so instead he searched the ground for the perfect skipping rock. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Whatever your problem is, you’re going to have to get over it quick because it’s starting to affect the operation around here.” Cade glanced at his brother with raised eyebrows. “What the hell are you talking about? I work just as hard as anyone else around here.” “No one’s disputing that, little bro, I’m talking about how you’ve been treating the boys lately. I had a hell of a time trying to convince Otis not to quit after you ripped into him for not repairing the fence to your satisfaction. Jack even mentioned how you’re taking your temper out on everyone. Morale has been down lately and if you keep it up, we’re going to have a strike on our hands.” Cade lowered himself to the ground and stretched out his legs as he gazed at the stars just beginning to appear in the purple hazed sky. He didn’t bother to reply. Hell, he knew he had been a jerk lately, but realizing it didn’t make a lick of difference. Nothing would as long as she was around.. Damn her, and damn him for still caring. All the hard work he’d put in to forget her all went up in smoke the moment he set eyes on her again. Stone hunched down, taking the spot next to him. “Cade, I know you’re hurting, but making snide comments when she’s around won’t change the past. I can’t begin to know what’s in her mind or imagine why she’d stay away so long without a sufficient explanation, but I think there’s more to the story than what you think. Call it a hunch, but I think she’s suffering, too.” “Probably her guilty conscience,” Cade muttered, not buying that theory for a second. After all, they had been as close as any two people could be. They were lovers and best friends and yet she couldn’t tell him if there was a problem? Bullshit. “I’m serious. She doesn’t look one hundred percent healthy. She’s a lot thinner than she used to be, maybe she hasn’t been eating properly, but I also detected some circles under her eyes. Something’s going on with her.” “Maybe it’s called Nuu York livin’. It’s a superficial place. I bet she throws up after her meals.” “Now you’re starting to sound ridiculous. That makes absolutely no sense, and what the hell do you know about New York anyway? You’ve never been.” “I watch the occasional movie.” Stone raised both brows. “Are you serious? If everyone thought like you, people watching movies would think Texans are a bunch of gun-toting yokels. Now stop being such an ass. I think you should go talk to her and find out what the matter is.” Cade pulled up a clump of grass and tossed it as far as he could. “If you’re so damn interested in hearing her excuses, then why don’t you ask her yourself?” Stone sighed. “Cade, I’m trying my best to understand your feelings, but you’re not making this easy for me.” “I didn’t ask you to come out here and analyze me, Dr. Phil.” “No, you didn’t, but someone had to set you straight. If I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t nag so much, but since she’s been back, you haven’t been yourself and I’m worried. Taking your anger out on other people and being mad at Jocelyn for something that happened seven years ago won’t change anything except drive a wedge between the people who love you. Unless you talk to her, nothing is going to be resolved.” “I doubt it would accomplish much. I think she’s made her feelings abundantly clear.” “Did she? I saw the way she looked at you—the way you looked at each other. If the two of you no longer shared any feelings, why are you carrying around all this anger? And why did she look so damn sad when she looked at you? She reminded me of a hurt puppy. Jocelyn certainly didn’t remind me of someone who doesn’t give a damn.” Cade turned to shoot his brother a glare. He’d had enough. The more he talked about Jocelyn, the more he hurt and he hated Stone in that moment for not letting it go, and he hated Jocelyn for being the source of his pain. Shit. It’s been seven years dammit. It shouldn’t still be this way. “Can’t you see I don’t want to talk about this?!” He wobbled to his feet, and began to walk away, but Stone was on his heels. When his brother grabbed his arm, Cade had had enough. Turning around with balled fists, he took a swing at Stone. But his brother ducked just in time, grabbed Cade’s arm and twisted it behind his back. “Get off of me!” The more Cade struggled, the harder Stone’s grip became. In most circumstances, Cade could have given Stone as good as he got, but in his state of fury, he couldn’t think rationally or focus properly making it easier for the other man to best him. “No dammit! I’m not going to let you go until you agree to talk about this like men.” Despite the shooting pain racing up his arm, he stubbornly struggled against the pain-inducing grip, uncaring that if he continued his bone was likely to break. “Cade, please.” Where the harsh words hadn’t worked, Stone’s gentle heartfelt plea finally penetrated Cade’s senses. He didn’t want to fight his brother. He’d come out to the pond for privacy, God knows he deserved it. But seeing as how Stone wouldn’t leave him alone, the battle just wasn’t worth continuing. With a resigned sigh, he relaxed his stance. “I won’t fight you anymore, but I can’t promise we’ll have the talk you want.” “Then will you at least listen?” Cade nodded, not wanting to commit anything in words. Stone released the death grip and put some distance between the two of them. “You can’t go on like this. I love you, Cade, and I don’t want to see you headed down that path of destruction you were on seven years ago. I thought we were past that, the anger, the sudden outbursts and your disappearing days on end.” “It won’t come to that again,” Cade muttered, his shoulders tensing. He appreciated none of his brothers mentioning that dark moment in his life and for Stone to bring it up now ticked him off. He would never let himself get to that point again. Jocelyn Winters, Jos Song, or whatever she called herself wasn’t worth it. “How am I supposed to know that when you acted the way you did tonight? And the reason you’re acting this way is because of Jocelyn’s return.” “Don’t you think I know this?” Cade snapped. “Do you think I like seeing her again and be reminded what a fool I was to fall for those big brown eyes of hers and that sweet smile? I curse the years I wasted loving her.” “But you haven’t stopped loving her have you?” “Stone…” Cade growled. Stone put his hands up. “Okay, maybe I didn’t word that correctly, but don’t you think you’re being too rash, little brother. I think there’s much more to this story than we’re aware of.” “Like what? Maybe she’s gotten a taste of her own medicine in New York City and she’s come home to lick her wounds.” Stone shook his head. “No. This definitely had to do with your hostility. After you left the dinner table so abruptly, Jocelyn ran off and I think she was crying.” “Am I supposed to give a damn?” Cade was glad she suffered too. Well, maybe not glad but it was gratifying to know she was capable of feeling shame. She should have been embarrassed at the way she’d treated the family and especially him. Maybe she wasn’t a complete bitch, but he’d never forget what she’d said to him for as long as he lived. “Yes, you are! You two used to mean something to each other.” “The key word here being used to.” “And I believe there’s still something there or else you wouldn’t be acting this way.” And therein lay the problem. He hated that Stone was right. Jocelyn’s words came back to him, sending a shudder through his body. “You’re not good enough for me.” After giving his body, heart and soul to her only to hear those words was like a deep soul-wrenching blow that he doubted he’d recover from. The realization hit him hard. He’d been doing so well these past few years, but all of his efforts to move on with his life and all the strides he’d made had evaporated the moment she stepped foot on Devlin Ranch. Shortly after the break of their relationship, he hadn’t cared whether he lived or died. She’d been his world. All his plans of the future had been based around them being together. In his mind they were made for each other and to have such a rude awakening was a painful cross to bear. He’d started drinking heavily; often getting so drunk he could barely stand. Some nights he’d be so damn drunk he’d pass out where he stood and sometimes wake up in the damndest places. And along with those drunken nights came plenty of trouble along with it. Bar fights and jail time. He’d damn near gotten a DUI but Stone had called in some favors with a friend of his at the sheriff’s department. But his self destructive behavior didn’t end with alcohol. There were the women. Before he’d went on his sexathon, Jocelyn had been the only woman he’d been with, but in an attempt to erase her from memory, he’d slept with so many women he’d lost count. He’d been with tall, skinny, black, white, Latina and Asian ones. Ugly and pretty ones. When it came to pussy, he didn’t discriminate. It didn’t matter what they looked like as long as he had a warm body to ease the ache within his soul. Nine times out of ten he couldn’t remember their names the next morning. Cade was lucky he hadn’t caught a communicable disease or something worse from one of the random partners he’d encountered. It wasn’t until his brothers had staged an intervention and beat the hell out of him, literally, did he recognize his wild antics had only been a mere band-aid over a gaping wound. “You just don’t understand.” “Then help me understand. You never told me what happened that night exactly—only bits and pieces that don’t quite make sense. Please tell me. If you get it off your chest, maybe you can finally heal.” Cade knew the only way he’d be able to get Stone off his back was to open up, no matter how painful. It was either that or be hounded to death. He clenched his jaw, tightening the muscles until it ached before he was able to speak. “You already know most of it. She went to that party in Dallas, and never came back.” “But why? We all thought she’d return after that internship. You were going to ask her to marry you.” Cade squeezed his eyes shut. That memory still gnawed at him. The ring he’d bought her still rested at the bottom of the keepsake box he’d tossed into the deepest recesses of his bedroom closet. It took a moment for him to find the words to describe how he’d felt that night. “She hooked up with that fancy designer she wanted to meet. And she hasn’t looked back since.” Stone furrowed his brows together as if he was trying to make sense out of the entire situation. “I got that part, but when you confronted her, that’s where the rest of the story gets jumbled.” “She was still staying with that friend of hers, Hanna, I think her name was. Anyway, Jocelyn had told her she didn’t want to see me.” “Knowing you, you probably pushed your way past the poor woman.” Cade laughed without humor, his head starting to ache as he was assailed with memories he’d tried so hard to suppress. “Jocelyn tried to lock the bedroom door against me as if I would hurt her. Me! I would never lay a hand on her, but I damn sure came close to it that night. I kicked the door in, and that’s when it happened.” The remainder of what he wanted to say stuck in his throat, though he opened his mouth to force the words out. A tight fist of pain knotted in his stomach. Stone patted him on the back. “Take your time, little bro,” he gently encouraged. As a boy, Cade had never been prone to tears, but he was dangerously close to them now. No. He wouldn’t let that woman push him this far. Not sure how much time had passed since his last statement, Cade finally managed to finish. “To make a long story short, I demanded she tell me why she’d phoned me with that abrupt message about not wanting to see me again. I felt she owed me that considering we’d talked about having a future together. She told me she didn’t want to see me again and that she had no intention of returning home.” “And then?” Stone prompted after a long pause. “I wanted to know the exact reason, considering everything was great between us before she left. She kept telling me to leave it alone, that she didn’t want to hurt me but if I kept insisting she’d be forced to.” Stone frowned, the disbelief on his face clear. “Really? That sounds so out of character.” “I thought so too at the time, but I continued to demand an explanation and that’s when Jocelyn gave me this look…she looked at me with such…contempt, like I was a piece of dog shit on the bottom of her shoe and told me she had outgrown me. Then she went on to explain how I couldn’t give her the lifestyle she longed for—that I wasn’t good enough for her and that she’d found a new set of sophisticated friends she could carry on an intelligent conversation with. She had a few more choice words about not wanting to waste the rest of her life on the ranch, hanging around the dull, unsophisticated people living on it.” Stone’s mouth fell open. “Get the hell out of here. She didn’t say that, did she?” “I heard it with my own ears. Even after hearing it I didn’t want to believe it, but she made it pretty clear how she felt. And it wasn’t so much as what she said, but the way it was said. Her words were delivered with so much venom she treated me as if I had no feelings at all.” “Damn.” “Yeah, my sentiments exactly.” “But it makes absolutely no sense, Cade. You guys were joined at the hip.” “I know. I don’t need a reminder.” Stone shook his head as though he was still trying to reconcile what he’d just learned. “No. She loved the ranch. I’d bet my last dime on it.” He scratched his head. “Hell, at any given time she could be found riding just as well as any of us, swimming in the pond, or helping out around the place. And you were never far behind. Even though she was a little older than you, I always sensed she had a soft spot for you, so when you became legal…I guess we all assumed…” “I guess the enticement of becoming a big name and living the glamorous life was too much of a temptation to ignore. Who the hell knows what was going through her head. Look, Stone, I know you mean well, but this is something I’ll need to deal with on my own. I know I acted like an ass back there and I’ll apologize to Aunt Earlene for ruining dinner, hell, I’ll even be cordial to Jocelyn if that’s what it takes to keep the peace around here, but don’t expect anything more than that.” Stone looked liked he wanted to say more, but Cade forestalled him by holding up his hand. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’ve said enough and I’d thank you not to bring it up again.” Turning on his heel, Cade walked off. This time Stone didn’t stop him.
Chapter Five
“Keep your mouth shut bitch and you won’t get hurt.” A pair of black eyes glared at her, threatening and daring her to contradict their owner.
A silent scream tore from her throat, as tears coursed down her cheeks. “Please,” she begged her assailant.
“Not another word. You’ve been asking for this all night.”
“No! Please. I don’t want this. Stop!” The more she argued and fought the more excited her attackers seemed to get. Two of the three assailants grabbed each of her arms and pinned them to the bed, while the one she considered the ringleader unbuckled his pants. “I won’t tell anyone, just please stop. Don’t do this. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
Slick laughed, his dark eyes twinkling. “Oh, I know you won’t because if you do, I’ll fucking kill you.”
Kicking and twisting, she attempted to break free, but they were too strong for her. “No,” she cried out her throat raw from yelling as she silently prayed for someone to hear her pleas and intervene. But no one did.
“Jocelyn.” “Go away! Leave me alone!” “Jocelyn.” Strong hands grasped her shoulders and began to shake her. She fought against the hold, struggling with all her might before she heard a loud crack followed by a stinging heat in her cheek. Her eyes popped open and it took her a moment to discern where she was and who was holding her. Heart racing, she shook her head to chase away the drowsy pull of sleep. She blinked and saw her father sitting on the bed next to her. “Daddy! What are you doing in here?” “I heard your screams. I’m sorry I had to smack you, pumpkin, but you wouldn’t snap out of it.” He brushed away the trail of tears staining her cheeks and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “We could hear you all the way down the hall so I thought I would check in on you. I’m glad I did. The last time I heard such terror in your voice was after your mama died. Remember that?” Jocelyn nodded. “I couldn’t understand why you let them put Mama in that box. The thought of her laying in the ground, in the dark, was terrifying. I guess I didn’t fully grasp the concept of death then.” “You were only five, baby. I didn’t expect you to, and though some people didn’t think it proper for someone so young to attend a funeral I thought you had just as much right as anyone to be there to say your proper goodbyes.” “I was frightened but as I grew older, I appreciated your decision a little better.” She expelled her breath in a huff and wiped the perspiration beading her forehead with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry for waking you, Daddy. Please go back to bed.” “I doubt I can after that.” “I didn’t mean to wake you. Lavern probably thinks I’m some kind of nut now.” “She doesn’t think that at all.” Her father’s warm green gaze searched her face as though looking for some kind of clue. The corner of his eyes crinkled in his apparent concern. “Care to tell what had you hollering so loud? Lavern was ready to get the shot gun out because she thought there might be an intruder in the house.” Jocelyn clasped her cheeks in embarrassment. “Please send her my apologies. I-I’ll be fine. I promise.” One bushy gray brow rose. “Honey, I think I’ve been pretty patient since your arrival in my hopes that you’d open up about why you stayed away.” He held his hand up when she would have protested. “No. Don’t say anything yet. Just listen. Considering how much you loved Devlin Ranch, I knew in my heart something had to be wrong in order for you not to at least visit. Those occasional calls that first year you left didn’t tell me a thing. And when they stopped after a while, I began to wonder with all of your success if you might be ashamed of your old man.” Gasping, she shook her head vehemently, and clutched his arm in earnest. “No, Daddy. I could never be ashamed of you. I love you so much. As a matter of fact, I was actually kind of surprised at the warm welcome I received from you when I arrived.” He frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be happy to see you? You’re my baby. Nothing will change how much I love you.” “I-I…well, whenever I called, I thought you might be angry at me. You’d always seemed so distant whenever we spoke which was why I stopped.” “Bewildered and maybe a little hurt, but never angry.” “But even now, you seemed a little reserved. Something’s missing, isn’t it, Daddy?” Jack sighed. “I guess I was a little scared.” “Why?” “I never knew the reason why you stayed away. I thought it was maybe because I was so overprotective of you sometimes. I know you used to get so mad at me when I wouldn’t let you do some of the things the other girls your age did. I just didn’t want you to grow up too fast.” Jocelyn grasped his hand, ashamed that he’d felt it was her fault. “It was nothing you did, Daddy. I love you so much. I missed you so much. This is no excuse, but the more time that passed when I didn’t contact you, the harder it became to get in touch. It doesn’t make sense I know, but there’s so much that happened since I left, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. I know I have no right to expect things to be the way they used to be, but I really am sorry for hurting you.” Her father wrapped his arms around her. “I love you so much, baby. I never wanted to be that kind of father you couldn’t come to with your problems and I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me what was going on. I was a little distant toward you in the beginning because I was scared I might say something that would make you go away again.” “That’s not going to happen.” “I’m here for as long as I promised. Don’t worry about that.” “Good to hear. There’s a lot to catch up on, but what about your work? It’s my understanding most designers will be showing their winter lines soon. Don’t you have that to work on?” Jocelyn grinned. Who would have thought her big burly daddy would know anything about fashion. “I’ve already taken care of it before I left. I don’t plan on working on anything other than Lavern’s dress and maybe doodle some ideas here or there, but that’s the extent of it. This is my vacation.” She nudged him. “You sound like you know a little bit about the industry. Don’t tell me you’re a secret fashion guru.” She grinned. “Put your robe on and come with me. I have something to show you.” Jocelyn didn’t know what her father was up to, but she did as she was told and followed her father out of the room and down the hall to his private study. A slight smile tugged the corners of her lips as she took in her surroundings. She couldn’t remember how many times she’d come in this very room and sat on the couch in the corner while her father did paperwork. In the winter, there’d be a warm fire crackling and in the summertime, the window would be open to allow a breeze in. No matter how busy her father had been, he’d never denied her admittance. He pulled a large leather album from one of the book shelves. “Have a seat, Jocelyn,” he instructed before joining her on the couch. “First off, I want to say how proud I am of all you’ve accomplished over the years. I’ve been following your career from the beginning.” Jack then opened what she had thought was a photo album. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw what was inside. There were various newspaper clippings. “Newcomer Takes Designer of the Year Award”, “Triumphant Showing at Fashion Week for Jos Song”, and “The Stars Come out To Support the Opening of The House of Song”. “Dad,” she whispered in awe, flipping through the pages as she discovered more articles spanning her career. “I didn’t realize you’d kept track of me.” Her father smiled. “Well, this little town of ours isn’t that backwards. We do get the occasional newspaper. And we have cable to boot. Lavern and I even watched the Oscars this year just to see who was wearing you. Did I say that right?” “You said it perfectly.” Tears returned with a vengeance, stinging the backs of her eyes. Shame twisted inside her belly. She’d done her father a disservice. Her intentions had been noble, but they’d hurt someone she loved more than life itself. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I was selfish for what I did, and I never meant to hurt you. But please know, it was never because I was ashamed of or mad at you. I love you so much.” “I know, baby.” He engulfed her within his big strong embrace, gently stroking her head as she sobbed into his shoulder. “It’s okay. Daddy’s here.” Rocking her gently back and forth in a comforting motion, he whispered soothing words in her ear until her cries subsided. She was a little girl all over again, being comforted after scraping her knees. He’d helped her get through her physical boo boos but would he be able to help her through this huge emotional one? “Is there something you wanted to tell me?” He stroked her hair. She moistened her lips. “I’m not sure if I can. The only people who know are Kyla and my therapist.” His brows furrowed together. “Therapist? What kind of therapist. Are you sick, baby?” Jocelyn shook her head. She heard the alarm in his voice and knew she’d have to tell him. It was the least she owed him. “Something bad happened, Daddy. That’s why I never came back.” “Something here?” “No. Not at the ranch.” “Then where? Tell me. Please.” Jocelyn shuddered as her chest tightened. Even after seven years, reliving that night was still raw. She opened her mouth and then closed it again. When she’d finally gathered her composure, she raised her head to meet his gaze. “I don’t know where to begin.” “Wherever you’d like, baby.” She took a deep breath before relaying her tale. “Do you remember when I won that internship with J&T Textiles after my design won first place in that contest I entered?” Her father nodded. “I was so proud of you. You always were a whiz with that sewing machine. You’d make the most amazing outfits. I still have that pink party dress you made when you were ten.” Jocelyn grimaced, as she recalled that fluffy pink monstrosity. “Uh, I was the laughing stock of Pamela Evan’s birthday party. One of the sleeves was longer than the other and I’d added so much ribbon and lace I looked like a ballerina on acid.” Jack chuckled. “But you were still as cute as a button wearing it. I still have that picture.” “Don’t you dare pull that thing out.” He winked. “Maybe another time.” She groaned, knowing he’d do exactly that. Realizing she’d stalled enough, she continued on. “Getting back to the story, my internship was going well and I was making friends. One night I was invited to a party at the house of one of the girls who worked at J&T. I knew I was out of my element the minute I walked in. Everyone was so sophisticated and well traveled. Dallas was the farthest away from home I’d ever been. My roommate had warned me not to get tangled up in that particular crowd, but I didn’t listen and stubbornly went anyway. The minute I saw some guys doing cocaine right in front of everyone, I knew I had to get out of there.” Her father’s eyes widened and his brows flew together. “Oh, Jossy, please tell me you didn’t—” She shook her head. “No. You raised me better than that. As soon as I saw that, I started looking for my ride. I found her in the arms of some strange man and when I told her I was ready to go, she informed me I’d have to take a cab if I wanted to go home because she wasn’t ready to leave.” “Sounds like your roommate had the right of it, didn’t she?” he asked gently, still stroking the back of her head. “Unfortunately,” Jocelyn sighed. Even as her mouth moved to form the words she had difficulty getting them out. “It’s okay, baby. Take your time.” She closed her eyes against the understanding in his. She didn’t feel she deserved his compassion after the way she’d treated him. “I-I was looking for a phone to call a cab when I met a guy who looked like he sympathized with my situation. He seemed so nice and for the first time since I arrived at the party, I began to feel at ease. We talked about everything. I told him that while I would love to have my own clothing line one day, I wasn’t looking to become a big name. I told him about the ranch and how I was looking forward to going back to it…and Cade. After a while, he offered to get me a drink. I didn’t think anything of it until I took a sip.” “Why? Did it taste funny?” She frowned with a shake of her head. “No. It was okay as far as I could tell, but he looked at me so expectantly when I held it to my mouth. It then occurred to me he was still a stranger, despite our little chat. I told him I had to go and I needed to call a cab.” Anxiety began to twist a knot in her chest as each horrifying moment of that night came back to her. Hastily, she wiped a tear away before it could spill down her cheek. He stiffened. “Jossy, what happened after that?” “H-he told me he knew where a phone was. I should have listened to my first instinct, but by that time I was so eager to leave I didn’t think things through properly. So he led me to a bedroom and showed me the phone. He left me alone and I believed that was that. But…” She sniffed. “He returned with two men. One of them locked the door and…the other snatched the phone from my hand…I…I tried to fight them, but I think whatever was in that drink began to kick in. My head was woozy and they did things to me I’d rather not say…I’m so sorry, Daddy. The truth is, after that night, I was so ashamed of what happened I couldn’t come home. I gave up the internship because I couldn’t face those people again.” She couldn’t go into further detail. Having to relive it all over again brought back that familiar ache. Jocelyn blamed herself for what they’d done to her. Had she listened to her roommate it may not have come to that. She shouldn’t have taken that drink. If she would have walked out the door when she’d seen some party-goers doing coke and looked for a payphone instead of sticking and talking to that animal, none of it would have happened. She’d been stupid and for that she carried this secret shame. “They hurt you?” She could only nod. Her father held her tight. “Jossy. If only I had known,” his voice trailed off to a whisper. When she raised her head to see the unmasked pain etched in every line of his face, she cried for him this time. What he must have gone through because of her was something she could never take back and it hurt more than mere words could express. In all of her years, Jack Winters had been the strong, solid foundation in her life and to see this big burly man with tears in his eyes was her undoing. They clung to each other as tears streamed down their faces. Jocelyn’s sobs were loud and soul cleansing while his anguish was expressed with silent shoulder-shaking cries. The tears weren’t just for what happened to her, but for those years lost, the distance between them and the guilt they both bared that could have been prevented if they’d both opened up. “I should have been there for you, Jossy. I should have been there to protect my little girl.” The raw anguish in his voice was cutting—one of the very reasons she’d never returned to the Devlin Ranch. It was bad enough to go through this herself, but she hadn’t wanted to make her father feel this way. “It wasn’t your fault, Daddy. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to blame yourself and I was…I was afraid.” “Why, baby?” “I thought you might blame me like I’ve blamed myself. I had no business at that party, but I so desperately wanted to fit in with that particular group. They seemed so much cooler and sophisticated than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s not always easy being the token Asian girl. I know it sounds silly but sometimes I feel like I have to work harder to make friends. And now that I really think about it, I can’t figure out for the life of me why I cared about what those people thought about me.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I never knew you felt that way. I mean when I married Mei, there were some small-minded people in town, and I’ve always done my best to shield you from it.” “Everyone on the ranch was great and never made me feel as if I didn’t belong. But sometimes the kids at school would make comments.” “Like what?” “Half breed. Stuff like that, but your love gave me the confidence to ignore the taunts.” Jack snorted. “But obviously it wasn’t enough if you felt you had to work hard to make friends.” “Dad, your love was more than enough. But even it can’t shield me from the ignorance in the world. You’re a wonderful parent and I don’t want you to blame yourself for any of this. I guess in my own longwinded way, what I’m trying to say is, after being surrounded by my loved ones on the ranch, I felt out of my element in Dallas. And I wanted to make you all proud of me, which is why I tried to fit in. Fitting in meant making those big-name contacts I thought were important to me at the time.” “But it wasn’t worth it, was it?” He bit the words out with barely concealed anger. It practically radiated from him. She wasn’t surprised that it had taken a few minutes before what she’d told him sank in. It was one of the reasons he was so respected around the ranch, and why so many people came to him for advice. Her father was slow to anger but when it was finally roused, woe betide the cause of his ire. Jocelyn shook her head as another fresh trail of tears ran down her face. “No.” He released her and stood, his nostrils flaring. His face was bright red and his fists were clenched at his side. He looked like he wanted to commit bloody murder and there was no doubt in Jocelyn’s mind if her attackers were here now, he would. “Who are these men? What are their names?” She closed her eyes briefly and nibbled on her bottom lip. “I only knew the one guy’s name, Jasper. That’s who he introduced himself to me as. He must have been the one who drugged my drink. But for all I know, it could have been an alias. I believe I heard him call one of the other men Todd, but I can’t be sure. Everything blurred together after a while. And honestly, throughout it all, I hoped it was simply a nightmare I’d wake up from.” “Those sons of bitches! They need to pay for what they did to you.” He slammed his fist into his palms, looking like he had every intention of delivering a little justice vigilante style. Jocelyn gulped. The last thing she wanted was her father to get riled up, especially when she didn’t have all the pertinent information concerning his heart condition. “I never reported the incident to the police because I wanted it to be over. I knew if I would have done so, there would have been an investigation and even if they could find all the men involved there would have been a trial and I couldn’t have dealt with being scrutinized or being made out to be the bad guy. Besides, I didn’t want everyone back home to find out what happened to me. As it was, I blamed myself for it. I shouldn’t have been so stupid to trust him. I shouldn’t have gone to that party.” Jack’s lips firmed to a thin line. “I’m not talking about reporting them to the police, Jocelyn. I want their names because I’m going to kill them. I’m going to track every single one of them down, rip off their nuts and shove it down their throats.” Jocelyn slipped off the couch and put her arms around her father’s waist. “No! Even if I did know who those men were or where to find them, I wouldn’t tell you. I want this to be over. I live with what they did to me every day of my life. It still affects me to this day and I curse myself for this weakness, but I just want to heal and put this behind me. I’ve tried so hard to forget.” “But obviously you haven’t if you’re still having nightmares like tonight.” She laughed humorlessly. “Trust me; they’re not as bad and as frequent as they used to be. At one point I used to be an absolute ball of nerves. But I’ve made progress with my life. My career has taken off. Sure the papers have labeled me eccentric, but no one knows what it feels like to wake up most mornings in a cold sweat—what it’s like to be scared all the time, constantly looking over my shoulder. I sleep with the light on for fear that someone will come and get me. I can barely enjoy regular social interactions without having full blown panic attacks. Kyla finally convinced me to see a therapist and I’m only just learning that the incident wasn’t my fault.” “It kills me inside to know you blamed yourself for what those monsters did to you.” Jocelyn sniffed. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s why I’d rather you let it go.” “But you’d let those men get away with what they’ve done to you? Maybe you can, but I can’t.” “Daddy, you’re going to have to respect my wishes in this matter. Yes, it’s unfair they got off scot-free, but in order for me to keep my sanity; I have to let it go. If there’s such a thing as karma, they’ll get their comeuppance eventually.” His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. She noticed his fists clenching at his sides and she knew how difficult it must be for him to accept her decision. Finally, he expelled a deep breath. “If that’s what you want, I’ll honor your request, but I don’t like it one bit.” “Thank you, Daddy.” A pregnant pause lapsed between the two of them before she decided to change the subject to temper his simmering rage. Telling her story had been painful enough without rehashing it over and over again. “I didn’t know about your heart attack. I swear. I never received a call or an email. I was moving a lot for a while and all my correspondences were handled by an assistant I’d had problems with. I don’t know if she didn’t relay the messages to me or somehow they got lost, but I honestly would not have ignored word from the ranch about your medical condition.” He raised a brow at her change in topics and she was sure he knew she was avoiding discussing that incident. Releasing a deep breath, his shoulders sagged in defeat. “I believe you.” “Are you okay now? What happened?” “It was very minor. The doctor put me on a strict diet and made me lose a few pounds, but don’t you worry about me. Your old man still has a lot of living to do. Besides, Lavern won’t let me go anywhere. She’s got me eating rabbit food. No grown man should be subjected to this diet.” A gleam of light twinkled in his eyes at the mention of his fiancée. He led her back to bed and they sat down beside each other. Then, he pulled Jocelyn within the crook of his arm. She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I like her a lot. I’m glad she invited me to help her with the wedding.” He nodded. “Me too. She’s a good woman. After Mei died, I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone I loved as much. I was wrong. Lavern has filled the hole in my heart that’s been there since your mama passed. I’m not saying Lavern has replaced her, nor do I think she wants to, but I know Mei would have wanted me to be happy. She was just that kind of woman.” “I know. I still miss her even after all these years, but you’re right. She wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone.” “I can only wish you the same happiness I’ve found.” Jocelyn smiled weakly, not able to reply to her father’s comment. Her one chance at love had been cruelly taken away from her and she knew there was no point in dwelling on it. “Jossy?” Her father broke the silence that had momentarily fallen between them. “Yes, Daddy?” “There’s someone else you owe an explanation to.” She stiffened, knowing who he referred to without asking. “I can’t. Promise you won’t say anything to him.” Jocelyn grabbed a fistful of her father’s nightshirt in her earnest plea. The last person she could tell was Cade. He sighed. “Sweetheart, you should have seen him when he came back from Dallas after you’d rejected him. He was picking fights, staying out late, drinking too much, and the women he’d bring to the ranch…well, let’s just say they weren’t the kind you’d introduce to your family. Earlene was fit to be tied when she came across one of those floozies. I think his brothers gave him a well-deserved walloping for that. I was worried about him for a while, so I can only imagine what the other boys thought. Lord knows, Earlene and I shared our concerns over many a cup of coffee.” It cut deep to know how badly she’d hurt Cade. She wished she could have prevented it, but condemning him to a life she knew he’d eventually come to resent would have been far worse. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said quietly. “That boy has loved you for a long time. I always thought he’d be my son-in-law. I remember he used to follow you around wherever you went and you never complained. Whenever someone was looking for one of you, we knew the other would not be far behind. I wasn’t surprised when the two of you became an item. I even secretly hoped you would, because I knew no other man would treat you as good as Cade—as I felt you deserved. You were both young, but that didn’t bother me none. Your mother and I married young and I knew true devotion when I saw it. I sure would have been proud to call Cade my son for real.” “Daddy, please.” Jocelyn shook her head, unwilling to hear anymore. She didn’t want to hear how much Cade had loved her. It hurt. “Honey, you’d understand where I was coming from if you could have seen the look on his face. I never saw a grown man break down the way he did. Poor kid. I’ve been foreman on this ranch since Stone was still in diapers. After JT and Lorna died, I thought of the Devlin boys as my own so it hurt me doubly to believe what you’d done and to see Cade the way he was. Do you understand what I’m saying?” She closed her eyes tight and nodded, willing the fresh tears stinging the backs of her eyes away. “I know you love him too, and want the best for us, but please understand that sometimes every fairy tale doesn’t have a happy ending.” “Jossy, I’m trying to understand, but you’re not making this easy for me. I can’t begin to comprehend what you’ve been through, but Cade was so torn up and I reckon he still smarts a little if tonight is any indication of things. You should go to him, and at least explain—” “No!” “Jossy—” “No, Dad,” she said more firmly this time. “I’m not the same girl I once was. The Jocelyn he knew is dead, and the one you see before you isn’t whole.” His brows furrowed together. “But, there may be a chance the two of you can work things out. I know those other women he’s been with since you left didn’t mean a thing to him.” She grasped her father’s hands and gave them a squeeze, hoping this time she’d get her point across. “Daddy, do you hear what I’m saying? Even if there wasn’t so much water under the bridge, it’s too late for Cade and me. I’m damaged goods. Eventually, he’d want to settle down and have kids. I…” Jocelyn vowed she wouldn’t break down again. She’d already shed too many tears as it was. “I can’t provide him with what most women can.” Jack studied her face for a moment, looking for the answer she couldn’t voice. She knew the moment when comprehension dawned. His eyes widened while his lips moved soundlessly. “You see? I could never tell him. Cade might feel compelled to do the noble thing and I can’t let him make such a sacrifice.” “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” He pulled her back in his arms. “Promise me you won’t say anything,” she whispered. Her plea was met with silence. Jocelyn lifted her head to look him in the eye. “Promise me!” He looked as if he wanted to refuse, his mouth firming to a thin line before he nodded. “I don’t like it, but I’ll respect your wishes.” She planted a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you. Trust me, it’s for the best.” “If you say so.” “I do.”
Chapter Six “Stone’s already talked this subject into the ground, Ridge, don’t you start too,” Cade growled when his brother asked about Jocelyn. He had been on his way to town to get a part for one of the tractors when Ridge had invited himself. Lately it seemed like whenever he’d found some time to himself, one of his brothers managed to bring up the subject of Jocelyn. Ridge’s brows shot up and he threw his hands up in mock innocence. “I was only inquiring if you’ve had a chance to talk to her. Can’t a man ask his brother a simple question without getting his head bit off?” Cade rolled his eyes heavenward. “Nothing is ever simple about you.” “I was just wondering, is all. Sorry, I brought it up. Seems you get testy with every little thing lately.” “Maybe I wouldn’t be this way if people got off my damn back. I know what a jerk I was at dinner the other night but give me a fucking break. Do you think I need to hear about it every hour of the day? It’s bad enough I could barely look Jack in the eye when we were talking about that new Arabian foal.” “You only have yourself to blame for that. Stone told me what you said to him and—” “Of course he did. Why else would you volunteer to ride along with me when I’m on my way to pick up a tractor part—that was small enough for me to not require assistance lifting?” Ridge grinned sheepishly. “Thought you might have needed the company?” Cade clenched and unclenched his jaw. His brother was more transparent than a cotton tee in a wet T-shirt contest. “That’s funny considering you mentioned you’d be helping Decker most of the day.” “Well…uh.” He adjusted his Stetson. “He can do without me for an hour or two. Besides, is it a crime for a man to want to spend time with his little brother?” “If I believed your bullshit for a second, I’d say no, but we both know you had an ulterior motive for riding along with me. I’ve had to endure your small talk on the way to Walt’s when all I really wanted was a little time to myself.” Cade was relieved to see the entrance to the ranch coming up. He wouldn’t have to put up with his brother’s meddling questions much longer. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a deterrent for Ridge. “Okay, maybe I did tag along for reasons other than what I’ve given but I wouldn’t have, if I wasn’t concerned.” It was a phase he was getting mighty sick of. If one more person told him they were “concerned,” he’d be fit to be tied. Cade pulled up by the barn and brought the truck to a halt. “While I appreciate said concern, I’m really not interested in anything you have to say that involves my personal life. I know you mean well, but please leave it alone.” “If I could, you know I would.” “Try.” Cade spoke through gritted teeth, sliding out of the driver’s seat and slamming the door behind him. He lifted the tractor part from the cab and strode toward the barn, completely ignoring his brother. Ridge placed his hand on his shoulder, halting Cade in mid-stride. “Don’t walk away from me.” Cade shrugged off the hand and continued to his destination. Once inside, he wished he would have listened to his brother because standing inside was Jocelyn, laughing at something Stone was saying. Her eyes were crinkled in at the corners and her cheeks tinted with a becoming shade of pink in her mirth. Her hair surrounded her face in a riot of loose waves that caressed her shoulders. Her yellow sundress complemented her lightly sun-kissed skin and skimmed her curves lovingly, and Cade felt his body tightening in response to how good she looked. Jocelyn looked more animated than she had at dinner and for reasons beyond him, it annoyed Cade to see her laughing with his brother. It shouldn’t have bothered him and the knowledge pissed him off more. But hell if he could tear his gaze away from her. Damn her black heart. He remembered the many nights they would sneak away to the pond, bathed by the moonlight, too wrapped up in each other to care if someone happened along. God, she was just as lovely as he remembered, more beautiful even. And the fact that she could still make him feel this way after all this time set his blood pressure rising, but not in a good way. What the hell was she doing here? He threw a glance over his shoulder at Ridge’s face to gauge his reaction. Ridge wouldn’t meet his eyes. As a matter of fact, he was bright red. Cade turned to face him then. “Did you know she’d be here?” he hissed. “Uh, I have to run. I promised Jack I’d help him fix the hole in the bull pen.” Ridge took off before Cade could utter another word. Cade was tempted to chase after him and beat the hell out of his brother for participating in this fraud but realized, by the gasp that met his ears, that Jocelyn was now aware of his presence. Taking a breath to calm his frazzled nerves, he slowly turned to face the wide-eyed beauty. It was apparent by the shock radiating from her and the stiffening of her body; she was just as surprised as he was by this ambush. Stone grinned, not bothering to hide his duplicity. “I think I need to go check on Magic and see how she’s doing. I’ll catch you later, Jossy. I’m sure you two kids have a lot to talk about.” At least the bastard could have tried to make it less obvious. Cade was tempted to trip his brother as he walked past him, but suppressed the urge—just barely. Smug sonofabitch. This was a confrontation he’d wanted to put off for as long as he possibly could, but now that it was here, there was no backing down. Besides, he wanted to show Jocelyn he didn’t give a damn about her or anything concerning her. She wrung her hands in front of her, eyeing the exit. “I-I think I should leave. You probably have something to do,” she murmured before sidestepping him. As she was about to walk away, he caught a whiff of her sweet perfume. It was the same scent that used to drive him wild years ago. It surprised him that it was still her scent of choice. After all, she’d chosen a different life. Why wasn’t she wearing some designer French concoction? She had no right to wear that particular brand of fragrance and she had no right to look so good he wanted to throw her on the ground and fuck her bowlegged. It angered him. Furthermore, why was she acting so skittish around him when she was the one who’d done him wrong? “What’s the rush, Jos Song? Looks like Stone and Ridge did a great deal of plotting to set up this meeting, we may as well get this over with.” She stiffened and ran her tongue over her lips. Cade knew she’d done it more from nerves than to entice him, but the subtle motion still created a hornet’s nest of desire, and he didn’t like it one single bit. Why after all this time was he so affected by her? It would be a testament to his will to get through this conversation without making a fool of himself. The flash of red tinting her cheeks told him she wasn’t so indifferent to him either. Perhaps he was no longer good enough for her, but the chemistry flowing between the two of them was stronger than ever. “I-I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” she denied, yanking her arm from his grasp. He quirked his lips to a half smile. “I realize you don’t. Seems like we’re the victims of a rather nasty prank.” She frowned, still looking over his shoulder toward the door. “What do you mean?” “My brothers have been trying to get me to talk to you since you’ve been back. Looks like they’re willing to resort to trickery to make that happen.” Jocelyn wouldn’t meet his gaze. She bowed her head as though whatever was on the ground that she was looking at was fascinating. “Why would they do that?” He scratched the back of his head, his gaze never leaving her face. Whoever said the hardest words to say were “I’m sorry” wasn’t kidding. “They seem to think I owe you an apology.” Her head shot up then. Large eyes searched his face as though trying to gauge his sincerity. She nibbled her bottom lip, giving herself a look of vulnerability that tempted him to wrap his arms around her and make things better. But then he remembered her callousness and the moment passed. After what seemed like a long moment, she lowered her head again and kicked at a lump of dirt resting beneath her feet. “You don’t owe me anything, Cade.” She sighed. “I have to go. I promised Aunt Earlene I’d stop by later.” He grabbed her wrist, preventing her from going past him. If he didn’t get the words out now, he never would. “I’m sorry, Jocelyn,” he blurted out before she could walk away from him. The look of astonishment dwelling in those lovely almond-shaped eyes of hers was evident. He’d even shocked himself, but the words needed saying. She shook her head with fierce vehemence. “No, Cade. Don’t apologize.” “Why shouldn’t I? I ruined a perfectly good dinner because of my big mouth. It’s the least I could do. And…you didn’t deserve that treatment. No matter what happened between us, I shouldn’t have embarrassed you the way I did.” “Thank you. I appreciate your apology. But you can let go of my arm now.” She tugged it out of his grip. “Don’t walk away. Please.” Cade didn’t know what compelled him to say those words but he knew he wanted her close to him a little while longer. “Was there anything else you wanted?” “No, I don’t want you to think there will be a repeat performance of what I did.” She crossed her arms over her body. “Okay. Was that all?” Why was she acting like a skittish colt taking its first steps? “I have a hellava temper sometimes. And I just want you to know I’ll be on my best behavior when you’re around. Maybe we can even say hello in passing.” Damn she smelled good. He tried to ignore the temperature rising inside of him. Her nearness did the damndest things to his equilibrium. “But I understand why you did it, and it’s no more than I deserve. I should have let you down easier.” Cade narrowed his eyes. “But the result would have been the same. You wanted things to be over between us.” “True. But I thought you’d prefer the more direct approach than me beating around the bush. It might have been easier to swallow.” “You think?” She took a step backward. “I could have worded things a little differently.” “So you didn’t think I was some backwoods hick who wouldn’t fit into your new life?” “I didn’t say that, Cade.” “You might as well have. It’s what you said in so many words anyway, isn’t it? You believed I wasn’t good enough for you.” Jocelyn broke eye contract. Her lower lip trembled. “It was the right thing to do. You wouldn’t have fit in and I wanted to be someone. I didn’t think that was possible if I came back to the ranch. I was probably harsher than I should have been. You still deserved better.” All the old hurts came rearing up again at her reminder. He twisted his lips in irony. “Damn right about that, but the past is exactly that: the past. I’m not here to dredge up what happened seven years ago, I care about what I did to you the other night, and that’s what I’m apologizing for. But just because I’m sorry, don’t think I’ve forgotten what you’ve done—what you’ve said, because as far as I’m concerned the Jocelyn I once knew is dead to me.” She flinched at his words, almost as if she cared, but Cade didn’t buy it for a minute. “I figure since you’re going to be here until your dad’s wedding, chances are we’ll cross paths again. I reckon we can at least be cordial to one another.” She nodded silently. Her shoulders sagged and she still wouldn’t look at him. Why was she acting like the injured party when she was the one to tear his heart to tiny shreds? “For what it’s worth, Cade, what happened all that time ago, wasn’t a reflection on you.” He raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” Her eyes met his finally with a suspicious sheen of moisture in them. “I know I hurt you, but the things I said, they weren’t personal. It was more to do with me and not you.” Cade snorted. “Weren’t personal? You just confirmed what you’d meant all those years ago from your own pretty little lips. Telling me I wasn’t good enough for you, and you’d outgrown me wasn’t personal? Saying you couldn’t see yourself wasting your life away at this ‘dull as dishwater’ ranch. You knew how much this place means to me. It’s my life and my livelihood and it was a slap in my face to hear you say that. It was like you shit on everything that was important to me—this ranch, and our love. How could I not take it personal? If you’ve suddenly developed a conscience about what you said and how you basically turned your back on all of your family and friends, then forget about it. We were doing just fine without you and will continue to do so when you’ve gone back to living the glamorous life with all of your fancy friends. And don’t think I didn’t recognize that friend of yours. I may be from a podunk town, as you put it, but I’m not so oblivious to the world around me that I can’t recognize a famous celebrity when I see one. Just tell your friend not to pull any of her antics here, or guest of yours or not, she’s out of here.” Jocelyn’s face turned a bright shade of red as she balled her fists at her side. “You don’t even know her to judge her. Most of that stuff in the news is false,” she said through clenched teeth. “Like the wild parties and the infamous temper tantrums? How about how she tossed her poor mother aside and then later did the same to her husband—oh wait, I doubt someone like you would see anything wrong with that because people are disposable to you, aren’t they?” Jocelyn briefly tightened her lips. “So much for being cordial.” She had a point but his temper had gotten the better of him. Again. “Oh, give me a fucking break. There you go acting like the innocent again. You bat those eyes and think I’ll fall at your feet again.” “That isn’t true!” “Oh?” He took a step closer to her. “Then you expect me to simply smile when you pretend what you said didn’t hurt me? I think you did want me to suffer or you wouldn’t have said the things you did. I can deal with you being here for however long you decide to stick around this time, but let there be no pretence between us. Admit what a selfish scheming bitch you are and we’ll call it a day.” “Stop it.” The words flowed from her lips no louder than a whisper, but it was as if a devil had gotten into Cade and was riding him. All the anger and pain he’d never been allowed to express until now came tumbling out in full force and there was no holding back. “Why the hell should I? You were all about telling it like it was seven years ago? What’s the matter, babe, don’t like to hear about the damage you wrought?” “Stop it!” she said more forcefully this time. “No!” Her eyes narrowed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh I don’t? Did I imagine it when you said all those things to me?” “I don’t have to listen to this.” Jocelyn attempted to sidestep him, but Cade was too quick for her. Grabbing her by the forearm, he hauled Jocelyn against his body. “There’s where you’re wrong goddammit! You’re going to stand there and listen to me. You at least owe me that, after all, you had your say and never gave me mine.” “You said you wanted us to be cordial,” she squeaked. A desperate gleam entered her eyes and Jocelyn began to shake as she looked from left to right as if she was looking for someone to come to her rescue. “Scared, Jocelyn? You should be. There was a time when I wouldn’t have dreamed of harming one hair on that gorgeous head of yours but lately I’ve been having fantasies about wringing your pretty little neck.” A large tear drop tumbled from the corner of her eye, ran down her cheek and plopped onto her collar bone. There was a time when seeing her cry would have tore at his heart and it annoyed the hell out of him that nothing had changed. He was sure she was doing it on purpose to manipulate him. “Save your tears for one of the other saps willing to fall for your tricks.” “Cade,” she croaked. “I’m sorry, I…I…hurt you…but you…have to let me go,” Jocelyn gasped the words out as if she was having trouble breathing. He was beyond caring about her obvious panic. “What’s the matter, darling? Can dish it out but can’t take it? So tell me, what kind of man does a sophisticated lady like yourself go for? Do those other men fulfill you better than I did? Can they make you come with just their fingers and tongue the way I could? Do they know the spots to touch or how to get your pussy so wet you gush?” “Stop!” she screamed. “Perhaps you’ve acquired some skills in the city you could teach a country boy like me,” he went on as if she hadn’t spoken. Jocelyn began to struggle in earnest, but Cade was beyond the point of caring. All he could focus on was his desire to hurt her like she had hurt him. Cade lowered his head and smashed his lips against hers. He wanted to punish her for every single night he’d lain awake wondering what he could have done differently to make her stay, or how he’d compared every woman he’d had to her. To transfer to her, the gut-wrenching ache he still lived with. Though he’d tried to deny this woman didn’t affect him, he was lying to himself. Jocelyn still had the power to bring him to his knees with a simple blink of an eyelash. What started as his need to punish her became so much more. His cock jumped to life and he ground his hardness against her thigh. Shoving his tongue past her slightly parted lips, he nearly exploded right then and there to be reacquainted with the sweet taste of her. His hands slid down her back to cup the soft swell of her bottom, bringing his pelvis against hers. He was on fire for her, yet, something wasn’t quite right. Something was different. What was it? She still smelled like sweet jasmine, and tasted like wild honey and a unique flavor all her own. Her body was as soft as he remembered, a little thinner but basically the same. Suddenly, it hit him. She wasn’t responding. Instead, she stood frozen within the circle of his arms. His dick went limp in an instant and he broke away from her with a shove, sending her stumbling back. Jocelyn barely avoided landing on her butt. Instead of yelling at or hitting him as he surely deserved, she stared at him wide-eyed and open mouthed, her fists clenched tightly against her chest and her body trembling. Cade felt lower than a snake’s belly. He’d never in his life manhandled a woman. Raised to protect those weaker and smaller than himself, a wave of disgust tore through him the likes of nothing he’d ever experienced. Jocelyn didn’t deserve this, despite the suffering he believed she’d caused. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Too ashamed to even look her in the eye, he turned on his heel and got the hell out of the barn. Fixing the tractor was long forgotten.
Chapter Seven “You know how much I hate crowds when I don’t have to be around them, Kyla. I can’t believe you talked me into coming here tonight.” Jocelyn released a resigned sigh as she parked the car at the side of one of the biggest bars in the county. “I’m not exactly fond of them either, but I thought it might be good for you to get out of the house. Besides, you said this place had some of the best ribs in Texas. I, for one, am looking forward to finding out if it’s true and partaking in a full rack of the greasiest, messiest and juiciest ribs this place has to offer. It will be nice to pig out and not worry about calories for once. Mmm.” Kyla moaned as if she were experiencing pure bliss. Jocelyn eyed Kyla’s slender frame. She was thin enough to still be sought out for runway work but with enough curves to do swimsuit modeling. She had a shape most women starved themselves to achieve. “As if you need to worry about watching your weight. You can eat anything you want without gaining a pound.” “Maybe so, but when you’re monitored for every single thing you do, it’s easier to do what you’re told rather than argue. Anyway, I’m thirty-one. I only have a few more years before my metabolism slows down to a snail’s pace because you know I’m allergic to exercise. I’m going to enjoy these freaky genes the good Lord blessed me with while I’m still able.” It had been a long time since Jocelyn had been to the Drunken Lizard. The last time had been with Cade. She really didn’t want to remember the good times because then she would dwell on the “what might have beens”. As tempted as she had been to tell Kyla she didn’t want to come, Jocelyn realized it was just as important for Kyla to get out as well. Considering what her friend had been through not so long ago, a little fun in her life wouldn’t hurt. Besides, they’d choose a table away from the crowd, have a few beers and laugh at the drunks making jackasses of themselves on the mechanical bull. The second they walked into the joint, Jocelyn knew she shouldn’t have come. The bar was more crowded and rowdier than she remembered it being, and then it occurred to her that Sundays used to be Live Band night which usually drew a bigger audience. Kyla placed her hand on Jocelyn’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to go in there, we can get take out at that Italian place we passed and eat back at the ranch.” Jocelyn shook her head. She’d taken a huge step in her recovery by coming back to this part of the world. The only way she’d overcome her fears would be to face them head on and if that meant being around a crowd of people then so be it. As a designer, she had to mingle at parties all the time and attend shows with large audiences, but they were business and somehow she managed to deal with it. This, though, was more personal. “Thanks, Kyla, I’ll be okay. I should think you’d be more wary about coming here. Someone is bound to recognize you.” Kyla waved her hand dismissively. “When I’m not in full war paint or sporting big hair, hardly anyone notices me. Besides, I’m dressed to blend in.” Jocelyn’s gaze raked up and down Kyla’s nearly six foot frame encased in a pair of jeans so tight it was a wonder she could breathe. The yellow off-the-shoulder midriff top showed off the model’s flat stomach and a wealth of mahogany skin to perfection. Her outfit was finished off with a pair of black cowboy boots and some silver hoop earrings. Even with a minimal amount of makeup, Kyla looked like a million bucks and Jocelyn was sure her friend would get her fair share of attention tonight. The establishment had first come first serve seating, so sometimes getting a table could be a bit tricky. Tonight however, most of the patrons were at the bar or on the dance floor. As they made their way toward one of the empty tables, someone called out their names. “Jocelyn! Kyla!” She looked over to see Decker and Ridge sitting at a large table with a bored-looking blonde in tow. Jocelyn was actually pleased to see them. Having people she knew around her took away some of her nervousness. “What are you guys doing here?” Decker and Ridge stood. Only a year apart, most people mistook them for twins because they looked so much alike with their russet hair, green eyes and lopsided grins. Decker leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Thought we’d come out for a night out on the town. Why don’t you ladies sit with us? We have a couple empty seats.” Jocelyn looked at Kyla who shrugged in turn. “Well, sure. Thank you for the offer. We’ll sit here,” she said to the hostess before taking the offered seats. Once they’d taken their chairs, she noticed there were three more empty seats. “This seems like an awful large table for three people.” “Stone is on the dance floor. Tootie managed to corner him tonight.” Jocelyn grinned. “Is she still chasing him after all these years?” Decker chuckled. “Yep, without much success. But she’s one determined lady. I don’t think she intends to stop her pursuit until she’s caught her man.” Jocelyn raised a brow. “Does he want to be caught?” Decker shot a meaningful glance in Kyla’s direction. “By the right woman he might.” Kyla was too busy watching the goings on at the bar to notice that silent exchange. Jocelyn knew what her friend’s reaction would be if she knew the sexy rancher had his eye on her. Run like hell. “Cade went to the bar to get another pitcher of beer,” Ridge offered. “Where are our manners? You haven’t met Misty, have you? She works at the Circle L Range. Misty, this is Jocelyn, an old friend of ours, and Kyla, a new one.” The blonde nodded in their direction, not bothering to offer her hand. Jocelyn barely noticed because once Ridge mentioned Cade’s name everything ceased to exist. “Cade is here?” “Yeah, took some convincing for him to come out with us, but we finally managed.” Decker took a healthy swig of beer from his mug. “Hope he gets his ass back soon. I need a refill.” Kyla leaned over. “Are you okay? Do you still want to stay?” she whispered just loud enough for Jocelyn to hear. Jocelyn and Cade had crossed paths only once since the incident in the barn a couple days ago. The small talk they’d attempted had seemed so awkward they were both relieved when it ended. She tried not to dwell too much on that scene because to do that was like opening the wound all over again. She wasn’t angry at him for what he’d done. Jocelyn had expected him to be angry with her, but it caused her a great deal of grief to know she still affected him this way. Coming home, she’d fully expected him to have moved on with his life. In some ways he had, but romantically he had not from what she had gathered through conversations with other people. As painful as it was, she’d have to pretend she didn’t love him anymore in hopes that he could move on and find someone who could give him the things he deserved in a woman—the very things she couldn’t provide to him. Seeing Cade hurting nearly made her break down and tell him the truth until he held her in his arms and reality bitch slapped her in the face. His kiss had underlined the very reason why they couldn’t be together and he had to go on believing the worst of her. Stone returned to the table and took the seat opposite Kyla. “Well this is a pleasant surprise. What brings you ladies to the Drunken Lizard tonight?” “We thought we’d have ladies night out. And I was promised ribs,” Kyla answered. Stone grinned. “The portion sizes are pretty big here. Do you think you can handle it?” “You’d be surprised with what I can handle,” Kyla returned, glancing at her menu. “Oh yeah? Think you can handle a dance?” Stone’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Believe it or not I can’t dance.” “Can’t or won’t,” Stone challenged. “A little of both. I’m unfortunately a rare breed: a black woman who has no rhythm. So I’ll do you a favor and save your toes from getting stepped on.” “What happened to Tootie?” Ridge asked. “She was clinging to you like a cheap suit on the dance floor. How did you manage to get rid of her?” “I told her I had a contagious rash.” Stone returned his attention to Kyla. “While I appreciate your concern for my toes, I’ll take the chance.” Kyla raised her head from the menu. “No.” It was a simple declination but there was an undercurrent to her tone that brooked no further discussion. “Maybe another time, then.” “I doubt it, cowboy.” The easy smile on Stone’s face fell and Jocelyn would have felt sorry for him if she weren’t so anxious about Cade’s return to the table. How would he act when he saw her? No sooner did the thought enter her head than Cade came back to the table with two pitchers. He stopped short when he saw Jocelyn sitting at the table. Though he didn’t say a word, his blue gaze said it all: what the hell are you doing here? Jocelyn wanted to flee, but realized by doing so she’d cause a scene. The only seat open was the one between her and Misty, and Cade didn’t seem as if he wanted to take it. “Put the beers down,” Ridge demanded. Cade hesitated for another moment before complying. “Jocelyn. Kyla.” He gave each woman a curt nod before taking the empty seat. Misty, who had been sitting quietly, became animated. She pushed out her boobs and pouted. “What took you so long, baby? I thought you’d never return.” Cade chuckled. “Sweetheart, I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried.” Decker leaned forward. “It’s been like this all night. I have a barf bag for you if you need it.” Jocelyn knew Decker was attempting to lighten the mood for her, but seeing Cade flirt with Misty didn’t sit well with her. The more she attempted to ignore it, Cade seemed to increase the intensity, leaning over to whisper in the blonde’s ears, making the woman giggle in an annoying high-pitched squeal. Stone stood abruptly. “Jocelyn, how about a spin on the dance floor?” She was grateful for an opportunity to escape Cade and Misty. “He’s hurting, you know,” Stone said once they were away from the others. “Cade’s probably not handling it in the best way, but give him some time.” “I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I know I have no right to be jealous of him with another woman and I shouldn’t expect him not to be angry with me. I did end things between us, and I wasn’t exactly nice about it.” “But you see, Jos, this is the thing I don’t get. Why? I mean I’ve been watching you and I’ve noticed how you react whenever someone so much as mentions his name and the way you look at him when he’s around when you think no one else notices. You still love him, don’t you?” Nervous laughter trickled from her throat. “Why would you think that? Do you think if I loved him I would have left the ranch the way I did?” “A simple yes or no would have sufficed. You do, don’t you?” he persisted. She wished he’d leave well enough alone. Why did everyone around her want to play amateur psychologists? “Stone, you don’t know what you’re talking about and I wish you’d drop the subject.” “Funny, but Cade says the same thing. Look, Jos, you know I’ve always thought of you as the little sister I never had and I love you like I do my brothers. When you chose not to come back to the ranch all those years ago, I was hurt, too. We all were, but I always believed there had to be more to it than what Cade had told us. It didn’t make sense. I couldn’t believe you’d say those things to him.” “Well believe it, because I said them and meant it.” By now they’d stopped dancing and were standing in the middle of the floor. “Look, I think I’m going to sit back down. I feel a headache coming on.” Stone raise a thick black brow, the disbelief in his blue gaze evident. “Do you really or is this your way to end the conversation? I know I’m being a nosey cuss, but when I see two people I care about hurting, I can’t leave matters alone.” “I know what you’re trying to do, but please, let’s leave the past where it belongs. I chose my career and Cade has obviously moved on.” “Do you mean Misty?” Stone shook his head. “She’s been trying to get her hooks into Cade for the past few years. He only takes her out occasionally. Don’t you think if it was serious they would have gotten together a while ago? Trust me, Cade is far from moved on.” “That has nothing to do with me.” “Not from where I was sitting.” “Stone, if you care for me like you say you do, you’ll drop the subject. I don’t want to talk about it, and I’m not going to stand here and debate with you on how I might or might not feel.” “Can I ask you one question first? I promise it has nothing to do with you and Cade.” She didn’t need to ask what he wanted to talk about. “Kyla?” For a moment the usually confident man she knew seemed a little uncomfortable. “Yeah. What’s her deal?” “What do you mean?” “She’s been blowing me off since she’s been here.” Jocelyn was conflicted with how much she should tell him. She loved Stone like a brother, but she also loved Kyla like a sister. “I think you should ask her yourself.” “I would if she wouldn’t keep avoiding me. Is there someone back home she’s seeing?” “No. But, I’d give her some space if I were you.” “Why? What’s the matter? Is there something wrong with her?” “Nothing and it’s really not my place to say. Just leave it be.” Stone raised a brow. “Are you warning me off?” “No. But just give her some time. Maybe she’ll come around.” “And maybe she won’t?” Jocelyn nodded. “I see. Is it because I’m white?” She shook her head. “No. It’s nothing like that. She’s just…look, it’s really not my place to say. Just let it go, okay.” Stone gave her a long searching look before releasing a sigh. “Fine.” He held out his bent arm to her. “Well at least let me escort you back.” “Thank you, kind sir.” As Stone led her to their table, the band began to strike up an all too familiar tune: Restless Heart’s “I’ll Still Be Loving You”. How many times had she and Cade danced to that tune at this joint, or under the moonlit sky? Once they were coming back from a trip in town when the song came on the radio, Cade pulled over to the side of the road and they danced right there, holding each other tight, uncaring of the passing motorists. She halted mid-stride. Stone paused. “Are you all right?” “This was our song,” she whispered. “Do you want me to take you outside for some air.” Jocelyn shook her head. “Take me back.” She didn’t want Cade to see how much it affected her. Couples began to pair up around them and all Jocelyn could think of was getting back to her table and praying the blasted song would hurry up and end. Was she deliberately being tested? She released her grip on Stone’s arm and somehow made it to the table on wobbly legs. Just as she approached, Cade stood, pulling Misty along with him. “I think it’s time we hit the road.” “But you promised me a dance before we left and I love this song.” Misty rubbed her boobs against Cade’s shoulder, and pouted. “Pretty please?” Jocelyn wanted to throw up. If Cade danced with that bleach-blonde hussy to their song, she believed she’d die a little inside. Cade glanced Jocelyn’s way, his expression unreadable. His mouth tightened briefly. “Another time, Misty. I’ll see you folks later.” He walked off while a disappointed Misty trailed behind. Jocelyn didn’t know she’d been holding her breath until he was gone and it came out in one relieved whoosh. Even though he didn’t dance with Misty, he’d still gone off with her and was probably going to do God knows what. For the millionth time, she asked herself, when would the hurting stop?
Cade pulled his pickup to a halt in front of Misty’s house. Without bothering to turn off the engine, he unfastened his seatbelt and slid out of his vehicle. When he’d made it to the passenger side to help Misty out, the blonde sported a ferocious frown. She didn’t look the least bit pleased. Instead of giving him her hands she stayed put, a pout turning down her pink painted lips. She crossed her arms across her chest, showing her displeasure. “You’re not coming inside with me,” she whined. It took a lot of will power to not roll his eyes. He didn’t have the patience to deal with temper tantrums tonight. Honestly, he didn’t want to take her out tonight in the first place, but he’d missed her birthday because one of the mares went into labor sooner than he expected. He and Misty had been dating off and on for the past year, yet they’d never gone beyond casual dating. Misty hinted that she wanted more, but every time she brought the subject up, Cade managed to change it. “Not tonight, sweetheart. I have to get back home.” “Why? To see her?” Cade stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. So are you going to get out of the truck or not?” Baby blue eyes darkened before narrowing into a nasty glare. “Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. You haven’t been the same ever since your precious Jocelyn came back. Once the famous fashion designer decides to grace us with her presence again, you start treating me like dirt. And furthermore, I have no intention of getting out of this truck until you tell me exactly where we stand. I’m tired of being jerked around by you.” This night wasn’t going as planned. He thought he’d be able to take Misty out, have a few dances and then get her off his back at least for another two weeks. Seeing Jocelyn looking better than she had a right to had sent his body into a tizzy and far from helped matters. With a heavy sigh, a realization hit him. For all of her petulance, Misty deserved better than this. He should have been more upfront with her when they first began dating. They’d had some good times, but beyond that there was nothing there, at least not what she was looking for or deserved. He walked around to the side of the truck and switched off the ignition before pocketing the keys. “Let me walk you to your door. We need to talk.” She clenched her jaw stubbornly and for a moment he thought she might ignore his request, but instead she relented, sliding off the passenger seat though she continued to ignore his offered hand. Once they were at her front door, she whirled on him, her eyes blazing with ill-disguised rage. “I know perfectly well what it means when a man says he has to talk. You’re breaking up with me because of her.” Cade rolled his eyes. “First of all, Misty, we were never exclusive so there’s nothing to break off. And second, this has nothing to do with Jocelyn. You don’t know anything about it. You didn’t even live in this town when she was here.” She shrugged as if what he said didn’t matter. “I hear talk. And word is, she dumped you to pursue a life of fame and fortune. Now that she’s back…” He refused to rise to the bait. It was pointless getting into an argument with her when the end result would be the same. “Believe what you want, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. You want more than I can give. I’m sorry I can’t be the man you want.” His apology didn’t seem to appease her in the least. “Oh, screw you, Cade Devlin. You led me on and you damn well know it.” Before he saw it coming, her hand connected with his cheek in a resounding smack, turning his head to the side. He didn’t have time to react before she turned, unlocked her door and went inside. She slammed the door behind her with a force that made the wood moan. The side of Cade’s face burned like a motherfucker, but he welcomed the pain. He probably deserved it. Standing on Misty’s porch for a moment, he allowed the events of the night to sink in before heading back to his truck. Could he have gotten through the night with Jocelyn sitting across from him if their song hadn’t come on? Their song dammit! He’d smashed many a radio in the first year she’d left when that song was played. After a while he’d just turn to another station, but he couldn’t very well do that at the Drunken Lizard. Coupled with seeing Jocelyn there and wanting to take her in his arm and hold her against him and go back to happier times was too much to deal with. It had been seven years. Would he ever get over her?
Jocelyn tried desperately to concentrate on the road as they drove home. She and Kyla had only stayed fifteen minutes after Cade and his date had left. It had eaten her up inside to see him leave with that clingy blonde and she could no longer pretend she was having a good time. Besides, more than a few people were sending questioning looks Kyla’s way, making her friend uncomfortable. It wouldn’t have been long before someone recognized her. The two of them left to the protest of the three remaining Devlin brothers. Now that she was away from the noise and smoke of the crowded bar, Jocelyn was still on edge. “Do you want to talk about it?” Kyla asked gently. “There’s nothing to talk about.” “No? Then I imagined it when your face lost all color the minute Cade walked over to the table? Tell me what really happened.” Jocelyn swallowed. There was really no point in keeping it in because Kyla had a way of getting things out of her. “They were playing our song. Cade’s and mine.” “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. That must have been tough. I guess that explains his abrupt departure. Call it a hunch, but I doubt that blonde friend of his is getting lucky tonight.” “She was clinging to him like a vine. I’m sure she’ll have an exhilarating evening.” Cade had every right to find happiness with someone else, but actually seeing him with Misty tore her apart. “I doubt that. When you were on the dance floor with Stone, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you, much to the annoyance of his little friend. If you ask me, that man still has it bad for you. And you still have feelings for him.” Jocelyn laughed nervously. “That’s not true.” “It’s not true that you don’t still love him.” “No. I do still love him, but I doubt he loves me anymore.” “If you think that, then you’re crazy. Jos, why don’t you tell him what happened?” Jocelyn slammed on the brakes, stopping the car in the middle of the road. Thankfully they were wearing their seatbelts but the suddenness of her action sent them jerking against their restraints. “What the hell!” Kyla protested. “I’m sorry, but absolutely in no circumstances will I tell him. I’m not going to condemn him to the rest of his life with someone like me. He deserves a wife who can provide him with things I cannot.” “He deserves to be told the truth. I doubt he’d appreciate you taking that decision from his hands.” “No. And this is not up for discussion. I don’t want to talk about it.” “But—” “I said no!” she screamed. “Whoa.” Kyla put her hands up. “I’ll drop it then.” “Thank you.” Jocelyn set the vehicle in motion again. After driving for a few more minutes, she’d cooled down sufficiently. It wasn’t Kyla’s fault she was all screwed up. She was only trying to be a friend. “I’m sorry, Ky. Please forgive me?” The model nodded readily. “Of course I will. I’m sorry I nagged you about it.” “You meant well.” Kyla grinned. “I did, didn’t I? And you, by the way, you owe me a slab of ribs. I didn’t get to eat them.” “You could have asked for them to go.” “I suppose but that would have required waiting around longer than I thought you’d be comfortable with. It’s fine. I was starting to get really tired anyway.” Jocelyn frowned. “Are you okay? Is one of your headaches coming on?” “No. Just fatigued, but if I don’t get to bed soon, I think I will get one.” “I feel responsible for this. You’re supposed to be here to rest and you’re spending all your time worrying about me.” “Don’t blame yourself. I’m fine. It’s nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure. The question of the hour is; will you be all right?” After a brief pause, Jocelyn finally nodded, feeling nothing could be further from the truth.
Chapter Eight Later that night Jocelyn tossed and turned, punching her pillow and switching positions. There was no use. She couldn’t sleep. Since she’d been home, it hadn’t been easy to sleep, especially knowing Cade was so near. With a frustrated groan, she slid out of bed and walked to the window. It was the kind with the deep seat she could fit her entire body on. When she was a kid, she used to sit in the window for hours sketching outfits, doing homework or simply daydreaming. Scooting on the windowsill, Jocelyn pulled her knees against her chest and stared up at the moon, wishing she could turn back time when she didn’t look at everyone she met with such distrust. Didn’t constantly look over her shoulder. Didn’t cry herself to sleep most nights wondering why she was dealt such a devastating hand. At this moment, she’d give anything to be the girl she’d once been, so carefree and full of hope and love in her heart and to a time when all she wanted was to be Mrs. Cade Devlin. They’d started out as friends even though she knew he had a bit of a crush on her. To Jocelyn, Cade had been like a little brother, and his efforts to steer their relationship into a more romantic direction had been amusing at first, but then one hot summer, she’d recognized him as a man. From that point on, she’d tried to avoid him, but Cade wasn’t having it. He’d convinced her to meet him by the pond one balmy night. She’d never forget it. “What’s this all about, Cade?” she asked when she saw a picnic dinner set out on a blanket. “You said you had something important to discuss.” He gave her a lopsided grin. Cade had the kind of smile that drove women of all ages to distraction. “I couldn’t think of any other way to get you alone because you’ve been avoiding me these past few days.” The last thing she was going to do was admit how hot she’d gotten seeing him shoveling manure with his top off. The way his sinewy frame glistened with sweat, defining all the muscles and hard planes of his body. He was only eighteen years old, still a boy by a lot of people’s standards, but seeing his tanned six-foot-two, broad-shouldered body screamed otherwise. Jocelyn crossed her arms across her chest and took a couple steps back, putting as much space between them as possible without making it too obvious. “I haven’t been avoiding you, Cade. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” A trill of nervous laughter tore from her throat.
“You’re a terrible liar, Jos. Did you like seeing me working the other day?” He wiggled his eyebrows knowingly, his grin widening. “Yes, I noticed you watching me.” Cade moved closer until she could practically feel his breath against her face. “And I liked it.” “Don’t.” She turned her head away from him, not wanting to notice how chiseled his face was, or the cute way his nose wiggled when he spoke. “Jocelyn, you know how I feel about you. I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen.” “You can’t possibly know what love is, Cade, you’re only eighteen.” His smile dropped and eyes narrowed to icy blue slits. “I may be young, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is. You’re my first thought when I wake and the last when I go to sleep every night.” “But I’m twenty-one.” “Whooptie-fucking-doo. A whole three years older. When you’re eighty I’ll be seventy-seven. In the grand scheme of things, do you think it matters?” When put like that he had a point, but she was crazy for even entertaining the idea of being with him. “You’re talking as if we’re going to get married.” “If I had my way, it will be forever.” “You’re nuts.” Jocelyn shook her head, turning her back to him. “Only for you.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I know I’m young, but you don’t have to be thirty to know your own heart and I know you’re the woman I want. And I think you want me, too.” He placed a kiss against the side of her neck. A wave of pure delight zoomed up her spine. Her mind said no, pull away, but her body yelled yes! “This is wrong,” she groaned. Cade molded his body against her back. “Nothing has ever felt so right.” He slid his hands down the length of her arms and grasped her waist. His erection pressed against her bottom. “Do you see what you’re doing to me? You’ve been the star of my wet dreams for years.” To hear him talk this way should have turned her off, but instead it had the opposite effect. Her pussy tingled to life and she pressed her thighs tightly together to temper the building heat within. “Cade, we shouldn’t.” Even as the token protest escaped her lips, she pushed her rear back, squirming against him, wanting more but too frightened to ask for it. “That’s it, baby. Don’t fight what we both want.” Cupping her breasts in his palms, he gave them a healthy squeeze. Her nipples hardened under the ministrations of his calloused palms. Cade planted kisses along the column of her neck. The scent of his aftershave mixed with an earthy scent all his own filtered to her nostrils, titillating her senses. Jocelyn could not remember a time when she’d been so aroused. The few men she’d dated hadn’t gotten further than second base and she’d never been more than mildly turned on. She’d gotten more excitement by touching herself but that wasn’t the case with Cade. He lowered his hands, only to turn her around. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he whispered before lowering his head to capture her lips. Moving his lips over hers, Cade took his time in a gentle exploration. He ran his tongue along the seam of her lips and Jocelyn threw her arms around him, pressing her breasts into his rock-hard chest. Any thoughts of denying him fled. “Open up for me, darling,” he whispered against her mouth. Jocelyn complied, parting her lips slightly to grant him access. His tongue drove forward in an act of aggressive passion. It was as if he was bent on conquering and devouring the recesses of her mouth. Not willing to remain passive in his arms, she slipped her tongue forward to meet his, tasting, whirling around and dancing with it. She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding his head to hers. Her body was on fire and she wiggled against him, wanting to get closer to him. Jocelyn’s panties grew damp in her need for him, and she couldn’t think beyond how he was making her feel. Without breaking the tight seal of their lips, he lifted her into his arms, carried her the short distance to the blanket and gently laid her down. Kneeling beside her, Cade devoured her with his eyes. The way he looked at her was just as intimate as his touch. She shivered underneath the heat of his stare. “Why are you looking at me like that?” “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re actually here with me right now.” “I can’t either,” she answered breathlessly. “Do you know if we continue, I’m going to make love to you?” Now was the moment to tell him to stop, that they shouldn’t risk their friendship on something that may not last, but when he looked down at her with his hungry blue gaze, the words got stuck in her throat and she could only nod in agreement. He hesitated for a moment as though waiting for her to protest. When she didn’t, Cade slid his body on top of hers, his lips crushing hers once more. Her hands roamed the hard contours of his back as she reveled in his weight pressing against her body. Nothing felt more right than being here with Cade like this. Jocelyn lifted her pelvis against his hardness, wanting more but too inexperienced to vocalize her desires. She groaned as he moved down the length of her body. Cade slowly undid her blouse and pushed it aside, exposing her bare breasts. Her nipples grew tight against the cool breeze, making the taut points extremely sensitive. The lazy smile returned. “You’re not wearing a bra. You have perfect breasts, Jos. Made just for me. Even better than I imagined them.” His thumb grazed one hardened tip. “Oh, Cade.” “Say that again.” “Cade.” “I love it when you say my name.” He lowered his head to take the nipple he’d just caressed into his mouth. Jocelyn writhed beneath the insistent pressure of his mouth. Arching her back, she offered more of herself to his questing tongue and lips. Cade licked and laved the puckered tip, circling it with his tongue. “Mmm, you’re delicious,” he murmured before transferring his attention to her other nipple. A fire burned through her very core, threatening to consume them both. A pool of moisture soaked the inside of her thighs. She wanted him so badly she thought she’d go insane with lust. Frantic to feel his naked skin against hers, Jocelyn grasped a fistful of his shirt and pulled it out of the waistband of his jeans. The feel of his flesh beneath her fingertips sent a thrill racing through her but she wanted more. Needed it. Craved it. Cade obviously had other plans for her as well. Releasing her nipple with a decisive wet pop, he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down her hips, discarding them along with her shoes, leaving only her panties. Though he was the first man to ever see her in this state of undress, she wasn’t ashamed of her nudity. With Cade it felt natural. “God, you’re beautiful. And you’re mine. All mine.” Cade traced a line in the center of her body starting between her breasts to her navel. None of her wildest fantasies could have prepared her for such a turbulent bolt of desire surfing along every single nerve of her body, sending her to the edge of sensory overload. The things Cade was doing to her were the things she’d only read in romance books. Not until this moment did she understand what those women were going through. Instinctively, she opened her legs to him when he removed the barrier of her panties. Seeming to be in no rush, Cade grasped her ankle and kissed his way up her calf, then her knees all the way to her inner thigh, stopping short of her damp heat. He raised his head to meet her gaze. “You’re already wet and ready for me. Tell me you want this as much as I do.” To compound his point, he lapped at the moisture on her inner thighs, sending a rush of pure intoxicating delight to her very core. “You know I do. I haven’t stopped you, have I?” “It’s not enough. I want to hear you say the words.” His gruff plea penetrated her heart, and Jocelyn realized not only how much she wanted him but loved him. Maybe she always had, but because of their age difference she’d tried to push the thoughts away. Perhaps some people would say he was too young for her despite their only being three years apart but even if they did, it didn’t matter. What did matter was how they felt for each other. Besides, how could anything which felt so right, be wrong? “I want you, Cade. More than you could know. Please make love to me.” “You have no worry about that, baby, because that’s exactly what I intend to do, but first I’m going to taste you.” Jocelyn watched with eager anticipation as Cade lowered his head to press one deep, lingering kiss against her slick folds. She bit her bottom lip to hold back the whimper that threatened to escape. Using his middle finger, he parted her labia and eased it into her damp heat. She gasped at the unfamiliar intrusion, but her surprise was quickly replaced by a wild fluttering of excitement. “Cade.” Her voice came out in a ragged whisper. He captured her blood-engorged clit with his teeth, biting down with carefully calculated pressure, making her cry out at the delicious sensation it caused. Cade nibbled it for several seconds before sucking it fully into his mouth. Jocelyn threaded her fingers through his hair and grinded her pussy against his face, unable to contain the animalistic craving to be claimed by him. Slipping another finger inside of her, he stretched her virgin pussy to its limits. The world spun in a tizzy around her, feelings she didn’t know existed rocked within her being. Cade slowly fingered her, his mouth never leaving her pulsing clit. Just when Jocelyn didn’t think she could take anymore of the decadent torture, he pulled the dew-soaked digits from her passage. She was unable to tear her eyes away from him as he licked her juices from his fingers. “Mmm. You’re delicious.” She raised her hips, silently demanding more. “Please, Cade, don’t stop.” He chuckled. “I didn’t intend to, baby. Did you think I’d want to rush our first time together?” Resettling himself between her thighs, he spread the swollen, wet tissue and lapped the length of her pussy with his tongue, seeming to relish each lick. Just when Jocelyn thought she would explode, he pushed his tongue deep inside her tight sheath. Then he pulled it back out and slid it in again, repeating the motion over and over until she yelled out her release and her body shook uncontrollably. An internal blaze roared to life within her trembling body, making it impossible for her to speak coherently. When she attempted to say Cade’s name, it came out as a hoarse croak. Cream oozed from her hot, stimulated pussy, but Cade wasn’t finished with her yet. Burying his face between her legs, he licked and sucked her like a starving man getting his first taste of food in days and she was a particularly tasty morsel. Unable to handle more of the mind-blowing sensations, she pushed at his shoulders. “I can’t take anymore,” she groaned helplessly, tossing her head from side to side, thinking she could possibly die from pleasure overload. At first she didn’t think Cade had heard her, but after several more seconds and one last stroke of his questing tongue, he raised his head with a huge grin on his face. “Did you like that?” Too high from the pleasure he’d just given her, Jocelyn could only nod. His smile widened as he stood and pushed his shirt off. Then he unbuckled his pants, and slid them down lean hips. Jocelyn’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of his perfectly formed body. Long hours of working on the ranch had toned his body to a series of rock-hard muscles. She licked suddenly dry lips, her gaze sliding down along every ripple and valley of his body. Cade kicked off his boots and hastily removed his underwear. Her eyes widened at the sight of his cock. This was the first one she’d seen up close and personal. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but it seemed awfully large, at least nine inches in length and impossibly thick. Jocelyn didn’t have to be experienced to know that thing would hurt. “Dear God,” she whispered, finally finding her voice, not able to tear her eyes away from his hard shaft. He fisted his dick with a trembling hand and knelt before her. Cade glanced at her almost expectantly and she wondered why he was hesitating? He’d seemed so confident and sure of himself with every move he’d made earlier, yet now his shoulders trembled and the way he briefly chewed on his bottom lip spoke of his anxiety. Jocelyn lifted herself enough to support her weight on her elbows. “What’s the matter?” A half smile curved his sensual lips. “I’ve never done this before.” She gasped at his admission. Cade was young, but she wasn’t unaware of the many girls who threw themselves at him wherever he went. She knew it couldn’t have been from lack of opportunity. “Why?” “Because…you’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted to do it with.” Her heart skipped a beat at the obvious sincerity in his voice. Her insides melted like a lump of butter in the sun. “Cade, it’s my first time, too.” His blue gaze roamed her face as though he were committing her every feature to his memory. “Do you…do you still want to do this?” Jocelyn’s body was on fire for him. To send him away now would have been like a slow death. She needed him right now as much as the air to breathe, to feel the press of his body against hers, their hearts beating as one. “Yes. I want you, Cade.” Lying back, she held her arms out to him, ready to receive all he had to give. He pushed her thighs apart with his free hand and gently pressed his cock at her entrance. “Are you sure, Jos?” “More than I’ve ever been in my life. Please make love to me, Cade.” He shoved forward. And missed. His cock slipped between her thigh and outer labia. They both laughed. “Here, let me help.” Jocelyn spread her legs further apart and gently separated her slick nether lips. This time, when he pressed forward, Cade hit mark. He hesitated once he had a couple inches inside of her. “I love you, Jocelyn.” Then he thrust again with one powerful motion. Jocelyn braced herself for his intrusion, but the pain she’d expected was nowhere near as painful as she thought it would be. Instead there was an incredibly tight, straining feeling within which would take some getting used to. She silently applauded Cade his control as he remained still. He dropped a kiss on her brow. “Are you okay?” She nodded, appreciating the time he gave her to adjust to his size. Once her body adjusted to him, she lifted her hips to signal she was ready. Needing no further encouragement, Cade move deeper into her hot sex, and then pulled out almost until he was completely out of her before thrusting even further into her. Jocelyn gasped at the delicious heat swirling inside of her as he stretched her pussy to its limits. Cade’s movements were slow and steady for several strokes, but something within Jocelyn wouldn’t allow her to remain compliant beneath him. She wanted more. Wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, she gyrated her hips, meeting him thrust for decadent thrust, until she wasn’t sure where his body ended and hers began. They pushed and strained against each other, slowly moving toward a mind-blowing climax. When she reached her peak, it was pure nirvana. Cade cried out her name, pulling out before spilling his seed. And then with a groan, he collapsed against her, his breathing ragged. “I knew it would be like this.” So did she. That perfect night under the stars changed their lives forever. From then on, they’d become inseparable. She could share her deepest, innermost feelings with Cade without recrimination. He was her best friend, confidant and lover. Their love making had become better with each time they came together. Jocelyn knew he would be the man she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, but he was still young. Though Cade was gung ho about settling down, Jocelyn as well as his brothers, believed he should wait a few more years. In the meantime, Cade had encouraged her aspirations to one day open up her own little clothing boutique in town. He’d even shown her the ad for the internship in the newspaper. If only he hadn’t shown it to her. If only she hadn’t taken it. If only she hadn’t gone to that party. If only she could stop loving him. Tears coursed down her face as the memories flooded her mind. There was no point in dwelling in the past. What was done was done and there was no turning back. She would have to accept her life as it was—one without love. If only…
Chapter Nine When Cade entered the barn to tend to the horses, he was surprised to see Jocelyn’s friend, Kyla, standing in front of Wildfire’s stall. She looked like she was trying to decide whether or not to get any closer. What was she doing here? He hadn’t seen much of her except at the dinner and at the bar last night. Cade wasn’t sure what to make of her. Since Jocelyn left, the perverse need to follow her career had him reading every news article he’d come across about her and that included some of the people she associated with. What he’d read about Kyla Page hadn’t exactly been favorable, yet she didn’t seem like the demanding diva he thought she’d be. By her mere association with Jocelyn, however, he knew he’d need to be wary. “She won’t bite.” Kyla jumped with a yelp. “Jesus Christ. You scared me.” “My apologies. If you want to stick around to look at the horses, feel free to do so. I just needed to check on Wildfire. I fitted her with a new shoe the other day and I want to make sure she’s faring well.” “She’s a beautiful horse. They all are.” “Thank you. Do you know anything about horses?” Kyla shook her head. “No. Actually this is the first time I’ve been close to one without a handler.” “On a modeling shoot?” She raised a brow. “You know who I am?” Cade lifted his head to look at her. “I didn’t realize your profession was a secret. I would think a person of your fame would get recognized quite a bit.” Kyla shrugged. “Depends on where I am and whether I want to be noticed.” “Well, your secret is safe with me if you’re worried. But it won’t be long before others figure out Jocelyn’s friend Kyla is actually the Kyla Page.” Cade snorted. “I can’t imagine where you wouldn’t be famous. You’re lucky no one recognized you at the bar.” She grimaced. “Well, I didn’t exactly encourage anyone to approach me. I got out of there before someone could.” “I see. Tired of your adoring fans?” “I get the distinct impression you don’t like me very much and now I wonder if it’s because you might have read or seen something on television about me.” “What would give you that impression?” He didn’t bother hiding the sarcasm. Kyla’s nostrils flared. “Call it a hunch. Maybe I should go.” “Don’t run off on my account.” Whatever his issue was with Jocelyn it wasn’t fair of him to take it out on her friend. No matter what he’d read about the famous Kyla Page he didn’t know how much stuff written on her was true. She at least deserved the benefit of the doubt. “Look, I’m sorry. I guess I’ve been a little testy lately. And I was serious. I won’t tell anyone about you if you don’t want me to.” “Thank you.” She eyed the horse. “Can I pet her?” “Sure go ahead, just be gentle. She likes the attention.” “Thanks.” Tentatively, she reached across the gate and patted the mare on the nose. Wildfire whinnied with pleasure. “I think she likes me.” Kyla grinned. “There aren’t many people she doesn’t. So what brings you out to the stables today? I can’t imagine it’s just to make small talk.” Cade opened Wildfire’s gate and stepped in. Slowly, he knelt down before her and gently grasped her ankle. “Actually, I was looking for you. Your brother said you’d be heading this way so I thought I’d wait it out.” Somehow he wasn’t surprised. Why else would she be here? “Now you’ve found me. What can I help you with?” “I…well, I think we need to talk.” This was a surprise. “Do we?” She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “It’s about Jocelyn.” Cade used every ounce of concentration he had to complete his task before turning his attention back to Kyla. He put the mare’s foot back down and slowly stood up. “Yeah? What about her?” He tried injecting an indifference in his voice he didn’t feel and silently congratulated himself for pulling it off. “Do you think we could go somewhere privately, where we won’t be interrupted?” “There’s no one around here but the horses. I’m sure they’ll keep quiet about whatever it is you have to tell me.” She glanced over her shoulder as if to check the validity of his statement. “Are you sure no one else is going to come in here?” Cade was fast losing patience. Why was Kyla being so secretive? And why couldn’t she just spit out what she wanted to say? “Look, this is about as private as we’re going to get, so you can either speak your piece or let me finish my work. I’m a busy man, Miss Page.” He glanced at his wrist watch hoping she’d get the hint. “You shouldn’t take everything at face value—where she’s concerned, I mean.” “Gotcha. Is that it?” “No, dammit! Would you stop being so obstinate and at least give me the courtesy of finishing before you dismiss me?” “Lady, I think I’ve been pretty patient up until now. If it’s so important, you would have said it by now.” “Breaking a confidence is never easy, and I’m probably putting my friendship with Jocelyn in jeopardy by telling you this, but it’s about why she never came back to the ranch all those years ago.” Cade paused. There was nothing in Kyla’s speech or demeanor that indicated she was anything but sincere, but what possible excuse could she offer for the things he’d already been told—words that had come from Jocelyn’s mouth. Still, curiosity kept him rooted to the spot. “I’m listening.” “Jocelyn is still in love with you.” Crossing his arms across his chest, he tapped his foot in annoyance. What kind of mind game was she playing? “She has a funny way of showing it and if that’s your big revelation you’ve wasted your time.” Turning on his heel, he had every intention of walking away. If this was some cruel joke Kyla was attempting to play on him, she couldn’t have hit any lower, especially when he was only beginning to admit to himself his feelings were just as strong as ever for Jocelyn, damn her black heart. “Cade, wait!” Kyla called out. He kept on, blocking out her plea. “Jocelyn was raped!” He stumbled over his own feet and barely escaped landing on his face. Once he’d righted himself, he whirled around and strode back. He stopped so close to Kyla, his face was mere inches from hers. Surely he hadn’t heard what he thought she said. He couldn’t have. “What did you say?” “Jocelyn was raped. That’s why she never came back. It’s why she told you what she did. I wanted her to tell you herself because I thought you should know, but…” Cade searched the model’s face for any sign of duplicity. Would she be so cruel as to make up such a sick lie? No. No one could be so evil to make up something this vile. “You’re lying!” Kyla lifted her chin and sniffed indignantly. “Why in the world would I lie about something as horrific as that? I shouldn’t be telling you in the first place, but I thought you needed to know. Was I mistaken to think that you might still care about her?” Cade shook his head wordlessly, unable to deny that particular claim. He grabbed her by the forearms. “Where? When did this happen? Tell me what you know.” In his shock, he shuddered Kyla with each word. Cade’s body shook from all the emotion coursing through him. Jocelyn violated? Raped? Why hadn’t he been told? “Wait. Let me go and I’ll tell you everything. Just calm down.” When he realized what he’d done, he released her. “I’m sorry.” He raked his hand through his hair. “But you have to admit that’s a helluva allegation you’re tossing around. Why would she keep something like that to herself and why would that prevent her from coming home? I mean she would have told me, right? I loved her.” “Whoa, cowboy, I’ll answer all your question as best as I can, but first, I’d rather us go to a spot where there’s no chance of anyone coming by. This is no one else’s business. I shouldn’t even be telling you, but—” “Like hell you shouldn’t. Come with me. We’ll take a walk.” Once they were a good distance away from the barns and stables, he halted, unable to take another step without finding out the truth. “Okay, no one is around.” Kyla released a resigned sigh, her eyes downcast. “Jocelyn and I met about five years ago, and even though she hadn’t started her own label yet, she was starting to make quite a name for herself in the fashion industry. I don’t really open myself up to a lot of people, but I saw something in her and Jocelyn in me so we clicked. Anyway, one night at a launch party, she went into a full-blown panic attack. She locked herself in a bathroom, and it took me over an hour to get her to open the door for me.” She closed her eyes with a shake of her head, as she relived the memory. “What happened next?” Kyla released a deep breath. “She was a mess. Jocelyn clung to me and cried like she wouldn’t stop. Once she’d managed to calm down a bit, I took her home and after a little persuasion, she told me what had happened to her. Apparently, one of the guys at the party reminded her of one of the men who attacked her.” Anger ripped through his gut. It felt as if he’d stepped into an alternate universe. Men in the plural? His Jocelyn? How could this have happened? “There was more than one of the motherfuckers?” he roared. Kyla nodded. “From what I understand, she was in Dallas at the time for an internship and she’d gone to a party with a few friends from work. That’s where she met this guy. He and a couple of his friends held her hostage in a room and…” Her dark eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I think one of them drugged her drink and she barely had the strength to fight back.” Cade balled his fingers into fist before relaxing them. He still had a difficult time wrapping his mind around what Kyla had just told him. “But…I don’t understand? Why? Why didn’t she tell me? I loved her, worshiped the ground she walked on. I was sick with love for her. Sick with it!” “That’s exactly why. She knew you loved her and Jocelyn didn’t feel she deserved you after what happened. She blamed herself for the incident and continues to do so. She lives in shame and it haunts her. Jocelyn told me she couldn’t face anyone at the ranch, especially you.” “Oh, my God,” he whispered, allowing Kyla’s words to finally sink in. “Oh my God is right. After the attack, Jocelyn was beside herself. She quit her internship and stayed with her friend until her funds ran low. After that she took a job as a waitress to make ends meet. It was only by chance she ran into someone from her old job who put her in contact with a designer who was looking for an assistant. Everything she told you was a lie, because she knew you’d probably stand by her side.” “Of course I would have. Something this terrible happens and she decides to keep it from me!” “Cade, there’s more.” “What could be worse than that?” “Those guys…they hurt her pretty bad, so badly in fact, her womb was damaged. She may not be able to have children. So you see, in her mind, if you would have accepted her no matter what, Jocelyn felt you would eventually come to hate her for not being able to provide you with what you wanted. A family. You guys used to talk about it, she told me.” “Yeah, but hell, kids don’t matter to me if I can’t have her. How could she have thought something so insignificant would be more important than she and I being together?” “She thought she was doing the right thing by letting you go and Jocelyn believed the best way to do that was to make you hate her. At least then you’d be able to move on and find someone else.” Cade snorted. “As if that tactic worked. As much as I tried to fight it these past couple weeks I’m still crazy about her. I was kidding myself all these years when I told myself I wasn’t.” He wanted to hit something. Kill someone, anything to release this rage boiling through his veins. “Cade, it’s not about you. Imagine what Jocelyn was going through. Whether she made the right decision by not telling you isn’t up for debate. This is her story to tell, but I thought you should know.” “Why did you tell me?” “Jocelyn told me the significance of the song last night. You wouldn’t dance with your date when it came on. It showed me you still cared, or at least, I hoped it did.” “Thank you for telling me. Where is she now?” “She’s at her dad’s house working on Miss Lavern’s wedding dress.” “Thanks again, Kyla.” He started to walk away and then stopped. “Umm.” He scratched his head, turning to face Kyla. “I’m sorry for the things I’ve said about you. I have the tendency of jumping to conclusions sometimes.” She smiled. “It’s okay. Go to her, and tell her I’m really sorry.” “I’m sure she’ll forgive you.” “I sure hope so.” How was he going to put right all the pain he must have caused her over the past several days? And how could he convince her she was the only woman he’d ever love and nothing else mattered. Cade knew it would be an uphill battle but he was a determined man who wouldn’t rest until Jocelyn was his again.
“Sweetie, you have a visitor.” Lavern walked into the spare bedroom where Jocelyn had set up a makeshift workstation. “Who is it?” “It’s Cade. He’s waiting in the living room for you. I’m going to run into town to get a few groceries. Do you need anything, dear?” Jocelyn could only manage to shake her head, wondering what Cade could want. Why was he here? She shut off her sewing machine and walked over to the full length mirror. What a mess. Her hair hung in loose tendrils around her head, escaping the rubber band she’d used to hold it together. She was wearing her oldest pair of jeans and a T-shirt with a hole in the bottom. Should she change or at least make herself look presentable? No. Why bother? No matter what she wore, he’d probably still hate her. Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and walked to the living room. The moment she saw the look on Cade’s face, Jocelyn knew she’d been found out. Kyla. Why couldn’t her friend keep her big mouth shut? Steeling herself for the confrontation she’d hoped to avoid while here on the ranch, Jocelyn raised her chin defiantly in the face of his anger and crossed her arms over her chest. She hoped the attitude she projected was one of nonchalance even though she felt like a frightened little girl on the inside. Judging from the red hue shading his face and the vein throbbing in his forehead, Cade was a little more than upset. He was pissed. Without warning, he grabbed her forearms and gave her a shake. “I could throttle you, do you know that?” “Take your hands off of me! You have no right to manhandle me like this.” She struggled against his tightening grip. “I’d like to do more than this to you. When I think of how all these years I believed… You lied to me!” He let go of her arms abruptly. The movement took her by surprise and she stumbled back and righted herself so she wouldn’t fall on her butt. She gasped at the sight of his rage. The Devlin temper was legendary in these parts, but she’d never seen Cade quite like this before. This was beyond rage, and that old fear reared its head, robbing her of speech. “Well? What do you have to say for yourself?” He took a step forward as though he were going to grab her again, but thought better of it. Jocelyn opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. “Fine. You don’t have to say anything to me, but I have plenty to say to you. Do you realize how many sleepless nights I’ve spent wondering what I did wrong to drive you away? Woman, you had me so twisted on the insides, you nearly robbed me of my manhood. I hated you for what I believed you did to me, your father and my family.” “I-I’m sorry.” His narrowed gaze and flaring nostril told her he didn’t believe her. It was probably best if he continued to hate her, because she didn’t think she could even be the woman a man like him deserved. “Sorry? You should be, especially when I could have been there for you. Why? Why couldn’t you come to me, Jocelyn?” She bit her lip to hold back the sob. His anger she could take, but the compassion and pity, she couldn’t. “What exactly would my telling you have accomplished? It wouldn’t have changed the fact that some lowlifes nearly destroyed me.” “But I could have helped you through a difficult time. Even now, I still see you’re hurting from it. Every time I or one of my brothers even comes near you, you freeze up. I should have known something was up, but instead I hurt you even more didn’t I?” She lifted her shoulder in an act of nonchalance. “You didn’t know.” His sensual lips flattened, showing his displeasure. “But I should have known—been there for you.” “It doesn’t matter anymore, Cade. What’s done is done and it’s in the past. You and I have been over for a long time.” He shook his head vehemently, sending his dark blond locks flying around his face. “That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. We’re not finished by a long shot.” She threw her hands up in the air, frustration making her body tremble. “I don’t have the strength to deal with this, Cade. Why couldn’t you let the past stay where it belongs? So what if I lied to you about my feelings and reasons for staying away? A lot of time has passed and I’m not the same innocent girl I once was.” “That isn’t true. You may bear more scars, but you’re still the same Jocelyn I always knew…and loved.” “Don’t.” He took another step closer, stopping far enough away to be non-threatening but close enough to wreak havoc on her peace of mind. “I’m not going to walk away from this, Jocelyn. I made that mistake seven years ago, but I’m not going to repeat it. I should have known you were lying to me, should have insisted something wasn’t right, but I didn’t listen to my instincts.” Cade picked up a knick knack and hurled it across the room, making Jocelyn flinch. “Sorry about that. I’ll replace it, but shit, I should have known.” “That was the point. I didn’t want you to know the truth. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, and I especially don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me.” She turned her back to him, squeezing her eyes shut and willing him to go away. When she saw Kyla again, Jocelyn planned on giving her friend a piece of her mind and then some. How could she betray her secret? Strong hands fell on her shoulders and forcibly turned her around. “Don’t turn away from me dammit! I’m feeling a lot of things right now, but pity and obligation aren’t any of them. If anything, I want to strangle you for doing this to yourself, to us. How could you not come to me when something so terrible happened? Who were these bastards? Tell me where they are.” His face colored to a deep shade of red in his fury. “Even if I knew their names or where to find them, I wouldn’t tell you. It would change nothing.” “The hell it wouldn’t! I’d have the satisfaction of ripping those motherfuckers to shreds for doing this to you. If only I had known.” His voice grew hoarse with emotion and his blue eyes looked suspiciously moist. She had to get rid of him somehow, make him go away, for his own good. The last thing she wanted was to sentence him to a life of bitterness and regret. If she did cave and allow him into her heart again, he’d eventually come to resent her for the things she couldn’t give him. He probably wouldn’t say anything but she’d see it in his eyes and soon Cade would come to hate her. Jocelyn knew part of her would die because of it. When she’d made Cade believe those lies about her, in her mind it was better that he hate her for something she could control rather than something she couldn’t. In a desperate move, she shoved him away from her with all her might. “Get away from me, Cade. So what if you know. It doesn’t change things. I don’t want you. As a matter of fact, I can’t wait until this wedding is over so I can leave this place. God, it’s boring and do you honestly think I could love a man with such a small town mentality? Do you think I could ever settle for living out in the middle of nowhere when I know what the big world has to offer? No thanks.” “Why you… “ He advanced on her, his fists clenched at his sides and nostrils flaring, before halting mid-stride. “No. That’s what you want me to believe, don’t you? You still want me to think you’re a heartless, shallow bitch. It’s not going to work this time, Jos. Not when I know the truth. Even now you’re trying to push me away because you think you’re doing me some big favor. But the truth is, if you send me away again, my life wouldn’t be worth a damn without you nor would yours without me.” She shook her head. “No. You’re reading more into things than there are. I don’t lo—” “You’re lying, Jocelyn. Do you know how I know?” She lowered her head, refusing to meet his gaze. It would have been so easy for her to fall into his strong arms and declare her love for him, but fear and shame held her immobile. She had no right to love Cade. He grasped her chin with his thumb and index finger and gently tilted her head until they were looking into each other’s eyes. “Since you’ve been home, I’ve been fighting my feelings for you, avoiding you when I could, but I’ve still seen you around. I know how you visit Aunt Earlene every day and talk over coffee and that you’re planning on designing a dress for her for the wedding. I’m not really big on fashion, but I understand your stuff doesn’t come cheap. Aunt Earlene has talked of nothing else. I also know how you visit old Smokey every day with a carrot. Oh, yeah, he remembers you, too. I know how you get up early to help your father with some of his chores. I’ve seen you around the ranch and you certainly don’t carry the air of a woman who hates this place. Admit it. You still love the ranch.” “Okay,” she exploded, swinging her head out of his grasp. “I do love this ranch. I miss it, but it doesn’t mean I feel the same way about you.” “Jos, give it up. When our song played at the Drunken Lizard, I thought I was imagining that look you gave me, but now I’m positive I didn’t. You still love me. I only wish you’d admit it, because I never stopped loving you. I’ve fought against it, tried to occupy myself with other women, but I’ve always found something lacking in all of them. They weren’t you.” As humiliating as it was, she’d have to play her ace in the hole. Only then would he fully understand why they could never have a future. “So you still love me?” “More than life, Jocelyn. Why do you think I’ve been hurting so damn much when you refused to come back to the ranch for all those years?” “And would you like to marry me?” “In a heartbeat.” “And raise a family?” “Of course.” “That’s too bad, Cade, because I can’t have children or at least my chances are slim to nil. What do you think about that? How do you like them apples? I’m not a whole woman. And you would be better off walking out the door right now and forgetting about me.” His eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed. Jocelyn looked away from him again, unable to take any scorn that might enter his expression. “Did those animals do that to you?” Though Kyla had already told him as much, it still didn’t seem real to him until he’d heard the pain-laced words from Jocelyn’s lips. Even now he still tried to make sense of it all. His softly spoken words made her flinch. She didn’t want his compassion. She wanted him to leave and not prolong this anguish ripping her apart. “Did they, Jocelyn?” She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “I see.” Jocelyn fully expected him to leave her then, but instead she found herself engulfed inside his arms. Cade rested his face against her hair. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” She pushed against his chest in an attempt to break free. “No, Cade. Please let me go.” “Never. Once was enough, and you’re going to have to accept it.” “Stop—” “Loving you? Tried it, but I couldn’t do it.” His hold tightened around her. “If you have to cry, or vent, let it out, but I’ll be damned if I let you go again.” Jocelyn made the mistake of meeting his gaze. The sincerity and love swimming within the depth of his eyes was her undoing. She’d thought she’d cried her last tear when she’d confessed what happened to her father, but it was like a dam bursting within her. Sobs made her body shudder and shake as tears ran from her eyes. Cade stroked the back of her head and dropped kisses on her forehead. His understanding only made her cry harder. Dealing with his animosity had been one thing, but his kindness was quite another because now she didn’t have the strength to turn him away. She wondered if it was selfish of her to allow him to sacrifice his hope for a family to be with her. Several minutes later, when she had no more tears to cry, her body exhausted from the outpour of emotion, Jocelyn sagged against Cade’s lean frame. With a dexterous movement, he scooped her into his arms and carried Jocelyn to her bedroom, and gently laid her on the center of the bed. Too weak to protest or even ask Cade what he thought he was doing, she lay there as he eased off her shoes and socks. Then he somehow managed to pull her comforter from beneath her and cover her with it, before easing his body next to her. “Cade,” she croaked. “Shh. Go to sleep, honey. You need your rest. I’ll be right here if you need anything. But know this, Jocelyn, I’m in this for the long haul and if you get some foolish notion in your head to leave me again, I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.” As she waged a losing battle against sleep, Jocelyn huddled deeper into the cover and against Cade’s warmth, a sense of peace washing over her.
Chapter Ten Cade knew Jocelyn was avoiding him, but he wasn’t going to allow this madness to continue, not when he knew she still loved him. For some misguided reason, she believed he would blame her for what happened and that her not being able to conceive would affect how he felt. Not only was she wrong, he was silently offended she believed his love to be so shallow. When she’d confessed her fears to him, he wanted to strangle her for thinking his love so fickle he’d care about something so shallow. Yes, it would be nice to have a few kids to call him dad, but the only mother he wanted for his children was Jocelyn and if that wasn’t possible, he didn’t want kids. As long as he had her nothing else mattered, and he would do everything in his power to prove it to her. Since he’d confronted her at her father’s house, Cade had only seen her a few times and each of those instances, he was called away to see to one of the animals, or help with branding the cattle or to fix something. This morning, however, he got up earlier than he usually did to complete his regular chores, allowing him to set aside time to see Jocelyn. Glancing at his watch, he figured this would be about the time she’d be having tea with Aunt Earlene. Anticipation beat a tattoo against his chest as he thought of seeing her again. When he entered his aunt’s parlor, Jocelyn nearly jumped out of her chair. Earlene beamed. “Cade, fancy seeing you here at this time of day. I thought I heard Stone mention something about branding some cattle today. You’re so good with the animals I thought you’d be out there with him.” “I told him I’d join him later. There’s something a little more important I need to take care of at the moment. I hope you don’t think I’m rude, but would you mind so much if I stole your lovely guest for a minute or two? There’s something we need to discuss.” Aunt Earlene looked from him to Jocelyn, and then back to him again as if she were trying to discern what was going on. “Sure, I don’t mind. You two go ahead.” Cade held his hand out to Jocelyn. “Let’s take a walk.” She hesitated for a moment, looking at him as if he was insane. Standing with obvious reluctance, Jocelyn ignored his hand and walked out of the living room leaving him no choice but to follow her. Once they were a few feet away from the house, she rounded on him. “Cade, why can’t you leave well enough alone?” “Did you think I was bluffing when I said I wasn’t going to leave you alone this time around? If that’s the case, then I have news for you, sweetheart, I’m not going to let you get away from me this time.” She expelled her breath in a frustrated huff. “Too much time has passed. We’re not the same people we used to be. I’ve made a new life for myself and you have to help run the ranch. Once the wedding is over, I plan on going back to New York.” “And I’m going with you.” A gasp tumbled from her mouth. “Are you crazy? This place is your life! You’d walk away from it just like that?” “No, you’re my life, Jocelyn. One thing these past seven years have taught me is this place means nothing without you. Yes, I’d miss it and it would take some getting used to not being here anymore, but I’d have a tougher time living without you.” “But what would you do with your share of the ranch?” “I’d sell out to my brothers.” “Cade, you’re being ridiculous. You wouldn’t enjoy living in the city. You’re used to getting up at the crack of dawn and working until sunset. You’d be bored to tears within a week.” “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. What matters is how we feel for each other.” He knew she was trying to push him away, but Cade wouldn’t let her put him off. Yes, it would be hard leaving the ranch behind, the only life he knew, but he’d given it a lot of thought and he wanted to be there for Jocelyn. Obviously, her career was important to her so if she wasn’t willing to live at Devlin Ranch, he was prepared to go wherever she went. Guilt assailed him at the thought of how she must have suffered through her ordeal alone, and it hurt him that she’d chosen not to share something so important with him. He wasn’t so selfish as to not understand her reasoning behind it, but Cade was determined to never let any more harm come to her. If that meant he’d have to leave Texas, then it was a price he was willing to pay to be with her. She lowered her lashes over her sherry eyes. “I don’t know what to say, Cade.” “You don’t have to say a word, just accept I’m in this for the long haul. I love you, Jos.” He grasped her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “And I think you know. I know you love me, too. After I put you to bed the other day, you whispered my name in a way that touched my soul. You were dreaming about me. I couldn’t have imagined the way you snuggled against my body and whimpered when I shifted positions because subconsciously, you thought I was going away. Your mouth may say one thing, but your heart is telling an entirely different tale, isn’t it?” “Don’t you see how impossible it would be for us to be together? There’s just too much water under the bridge. How could you ever be happy with half a woman?” His grip on her chin tightened, and he pressed his lips tightly together in a thin line to bite back the angry retort threatening to spill out. A wave of anger washed over him. Anger at those animals who’d obviously destroyed her self-worth as a woman. Anger at Jocelyn for trying to push him out of her life. And anger at himself for not being there for her. “Don’t ever let me hear you say those words again. Just because you may not be able to produce doesn’t define your femininity. It’s what’s in here.” He placed his hand against her heart. “There’s only one thing you can say to me that would make me go away.” She raised one finely arched brow. “And what’s that?” “That you don’t love me.” Jocelyn turned her head away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine. I don’t love you.” “Look at me and say that.” She shook her head, her body beginning to tremble. “Jocelyn?” “I-I already said it. What more do you want from me?” “To mean it.” She glared at him with tear-filled eyes and she lowered her hands to her sides, clenching and unclenching them into fists. “I-I don’t… Damn you, Cade Devlin. You’re only going to end up getting hurt if you pursue this.” He inched closer toward Jocelyn and gently pulled her against him. “You can’t say it, because you do love me.” Cade’s gaze fell on her quivering pink lips, so full and inviting him to taste. With a groan, he lowered his head to sample her sweetness. He felt her resistance as she remained stiff in his arms, giving nothing away, but as his mouth roamed over hers, Jocelyn’s lips softened beneath his. She parted her lips with a soft sigh, granting him the access he so desired. His cock jumped to attention as she pressed her body against his. She was so soft and warm, and holding her again like this only reaffirmed what his heart had been telling him all along. He’d love this woman until the day he died. What he really wanted to do was take her someplace secluded, lay her down and make sweet love to her until they were deaf, blind, and dumb to everything except each other. His fingers twined through her hair as she pushed her tongue forward to meet his, tentatively, at first and then more boldly. She tasted like heaven and Cade didn’t want to let her go. This woman had created a fire within him he knew would not be extinguished. “Cade,” she moaned into his mouth. Something clicked in the back of his mind. They were standing in front of Aunt Earlene’s house for anyone to come by and see him. And he knew his aunt wasn’t above doing a little spying. She could have been peeping out the window at this very moment. Though he didn’t want the kiss to end, he knew he had to do it. Raising his head with regret, he stroked the side of her face. “Ah, Jocelyn. If we keep this up, I’m going to toss you on the ground and make love to you right here and now.” She stiffened, a frown marring her forehead. “What’s the matter, baby?” “This kiss. It was…wonderful.” A smirk of pure masculine pride tilted the corners of his lips. “Tell me about it. So why the long face?” “It’s been so long since I’ve felt like that. I didn’t think I would ever enjoy intimacy without thinking about…” “You don’t have to say it.” “But I do. That kiss, while fantastic, was a little scary for me, because what if I can’t feel anything beyond that. What if I’m not able to respond to you? Those are my concerns, Cade. Can you honestly say you can live a celibate life if I can’t get aroused?” “There’s only one way to figure that out. Come to my place tonight.” “Cade—” He placed his finger over her lips. “All you have to say is yes. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Do you trust me?” “Yes, but—” “No buts, Jocelyn. Say you’ll come. I’ll rustle up something for us to eat and then we’ll take it from there. If all you want to do is hold hands and watch old movies on the tube, then that will be fine with me. But if you want more, I’ll be more than ready for you, darling. Say yes.” He dropped a light peck on her lips. “Yes.”
Chapter Eleven “I could strangle you right now. I really could. And take that ridiculous smirk off your face,” Jocelyn grumbled as her friend flat ironed her hair. “Ouch. Be careful with that thing.” “You have to be still, unless you want to lose a chunk of hair. You keep fidgeting. Besides, beauty hurts.” “But no one said anything about it burning.” “Stop bitching. The end result will be well worth it. You’re going to knock Cade’s socks off. He won’t be able to keep his hands off of you.” That was what Jocelyn was worried about. She knew Cade wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want, but what if things did get hot and heavy and she couldn’t respond to him. It was one thing wondering about it, but to have it confirmed would be a whole different animal. Jocelyn didn’t know if she was strong enough to see his disappointment if that was to happen. She loved him too much to have to condemn him to a life without sex. “I’m not sure if seeing him tonight is such a good idea. And frankly, I still owe you a piece of my mind for telling him what happened to me. It wasn’t your place.” Kyla sectioned off a clump of Jocelyn’s hair and clamped the flat iron over it. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have told him, you should have, but since you weren’t going to do it, someone had to. It may as well have been me. I couldn’t sit back and watch you hurting over him. I saw the pain in your eyes when you saw him with that other woman. And when he looked at you, I knew he still had feelings for you as well. A guy who’s spent seven years apart from a woman and still looks at her the way Cade did you had to be in love. I know I broke your trust when I went to him, but I couldn’t sit back and do nothing about it.” Jocelyn knew Kyla’s heart was in the right place, making it difficult to really be angry with her. “I know you meant well, and I love you for that, but now I have to deal with Cade’s misguided notion of giving up everything he’s worked hard for to come back to New York with me.” “If that’s your main concern, then stay here. You’re a designer, Jocelyn. You can move your operation anywhere you’d like. There would still be some traveling involved, but I don’t see why you couldn’t live here. You’ve probably already figured that out for yourself though. What’s the real issue here? This man is willing to do anything for you. He’s handsome, hardworking, wealthy and loves you to distraction. Most women would kill to find a man like him. Besides that, he didn’t turn you away when he found out about what happened to you. Girl, why are you trying to mess up a good thing?” Kyla placed the flat iron down and knelt in front of Jocelyn. “I’m your friend. You can tell me anything.” Jocelyn moved her mouth trying to form the words she had difficulty getting out. “Deep down, I have this feeling that I don’t deserve him, that I don’t belong with any decent man, especially Cade.” “Honey, yes, you do. If anyone should have a slice of happiness, it should be you. Hell, you should have the entire cake for what you’ve suffered.” “I can’t give him children and I’m not completely sure if I’d be any use to him in bed.” “You could always adopt, and even if you decide not to go that route Cade doesn’t seem to care. As for the other issue, you can’t know that for sure until you’ve tried.” “I did go out that one time—” “One date in seven years hardly counts.” “But even when he kissed me on the cheek goodnight, I nearly had a panic attack. I freaked at the prospect of getting closer and that was with someone I thought I was comfortable with.” “Maybe you reacted that way because you didn’t love him. You love Cade and that may make all the difference. Stop making excuses and give the poor guy a chance. If I were in your situation, I’d be holding on to that man for dear life. Guys like Cade Devlin don’t come around very often but when they do, the smart move would be to keep them around.” “I know I sound like a bundle of insecurities, and you’re right, it’s just…after what I went through, I never thought it would be possible for me to be happy again and I’m scared that if I reach out for it, I’ll wake up and this will all be a dream. Does that sound crazy?” “No. I know how you feel. I, often, feel the same way myself.” “You’re a wonderful person, Kyla, and I know someone is out there for you as well. There are plenty of men lined up for the job.” Kyla smiled, a haunted shadow entering her eyes. “I think I’ll lay off the relationships for a while.” Jocelyn’s heart went out to her friend, who was suffering through her own private hell. She leaned over and gave Kyla a hug. “Thank you so much.” “For what?” “For being a good friend to me. And for being you.” Kyla pulled away, a slight smile on her lips. “You’re going to make me cry and then I’ll have to put a serious hurting on you.” She stood and was all business once again. “Now let’s make you beautiful.” A couple hours later, Jocelyn sat in Cade’s driveway, debating whether to get out of the truck. Several times she reached for the ignition to restart her vehicle to leave, but something always stopped her. Once she went into his house, there would be no turning back. Her stomach rumbled with nerves. Taking a deep breath, she finally built up enough courage to slide out of her car and walk to the door. “You can do this. You can do this,” she chanted to herself. Before she could ring the doorbell, the door flew open. “I was wondering if you were going to get out of your truck. I was going to give you another minute before I came and got you.” Cade had no right to stand there looking sexy in a pair of jeans so tight she could see the outline of his cock. The button-down shirt he wore had the top two buttons undone, revealing tufts of dark blond hair poking out. “Come in.” He took her hand and pulled her inside. “You look lovely tonight, but then again, I’m not surprised.” His blue gaze roamed her body in a way that made her feel like a precious, rare gem. The apparent appreciation in his gaze sent heat to her cheeks and made her aware of the chemistry blazing between them. Seeing how Cade couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from her, she was glad she’d allowed Kyla to talk her into prettying herself up for the evening. She wore one of her favorite sundresses she knew showed off her curves to perfection, and her hair, which she usually wore pinned up in a messy bun, touched her shoulders. When they were younger, Cade used to remark how he liked it when she wore her hair loose. Jocelyn had finished off her look with a clear gloss and silver eye shadow. “Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” He grinned. “This old thing? Can I get you something to drink? I have beer, soda, orange juice, and a bottle of white zinfandel.” “Actually, I would love a beer.” “Great. Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll be out here with your drink.” While he was in the kitchen, Jocelyn looked around Cade’s house. When she’d lived on the ranch, Cade still lived in the main house. The brothers all had land set aside to build homes of their own. This was nice and cozy, no frills or fuss, exactly the way one would expect a bachelor to live. It was neat and well kept. Maybe if he added some paintings on the wall at the far corner and moved the entertainment center to the left… Wait a minute. What was she thinking? She wasn’t even sure where their relationship was heading and already she was redecorating his house. “Do you like it?” She jumped at the sound of his voice, clutching her heart. “You scared the hell out of me.” Cade smiled, handed her the unopened bottle of beer. “Sorry. So what do you think of the place?” “It’s nice. When did you have it built?” “Not too long after you left. I wanted the house done by the time your internship was over. It was supposed to be a surprise.” Jocelyn nearly dropped her bottle in surprise. He’d built this house with her in mind? A sense of sadness and loss pierced her heart. She ached for the lost years and the pain she’d inflicted on him. Now, she wondered if she’d done the right thing by shutting him out. Perhaps if she’d come to him all those years ago, they may have been able to find a piece of happiness. “I’m sorry, Cade.” He grazed her cheek with his knuckles. “It’s okay. While I can’t begin to understand what you’ve been through, I’m not angry with you. When you first came back to the ranch, I thought I was, but it turns out I was mad at myself for still having feelings for you—that is until I learned the truth.” He closed his eyes tight for a brief moment, but not before she spied the anguish within their depths. “What tears me up is how you’ve had to suffer alone. Yes, I was hurt by the things you said, but they can’t compare to what you’ve gone through. This house, this ranch, everything means nothing to me without you. Do you understand?” Too choked with emotion to speak, Jocelyn could only nod. Cade dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Dinner is ready. It’s nothing fancy, just some chili and cornbread.” Relieved at the change of topic, she raised her nose and inhaled the mouth-warming aroma which filtered to her nostrils. “Mmm, smells delicious.” A sly grin tilted the corners of his lips and that devilish twinkle that used to make her heart do somersaults entered his eyes. “It’s one of the few things I can cook besides frozen dinners.” “I look forward to trying it.” He led her to the small dining room table and pulled Jocelyn’s chair out for her. Cade had always been a gentleman and she saw not much had changed. “Sit tight and I’ll be right back.” She didn’t have a long wait before he brought out two steaming bowls of his chili and put one in front of her and the other at his place setting. He went back into the kitchen and brought back a bowl of the golden, buttery cornbread. “Would you like some cheese on your chili?” “No thanks. This looks really good.” He took a seat opposite of her. “Dig in. I can’t promise it’ll be as good as Gertie’s but I’ve been perfecting this recipe for a while now and I think it’s almost where I’d like it to be. Go ahead, try it.” She lifted her spoon and scooped up a healthy portion of the meaty concoction and took a bite. “Mmm, this is really good. It’s spicy but not so overpowering where I can’t taste the other flavors.” “I’m glad you like it.” Jocelyn ate another spoonful but this time chased it with some cornbread. “Why wouldn’t I?” she asked with her mouth full. He raised one broad shoulder into a shrug. “I don’t know. You’ve been living the big city life for a while now. I reckoned you’d have a taste for fancier fare.” She placed her spoon down. “Cade, I’m not the exact same girl who left this ranch all those years ago, but I haven’t changed that much. To be honest, all that foo foo stuff they serve at those big fancy parties isn’t really my cup of tea. I hate caviar. Pate makes me gag. I still haven’t been able to try sushi, and please don’t get me started on steak tartar. I like my meat cooked, thank you very much. Trust me, this chili is probably the best thing I’ve eaten in a while.” A slow smile split his face, making those deep dimples she loved pop out. He was so handsome, and he was still in love with her. “Thanks. That really means a lot. You always did know the right thing to say to make me feel good about myself. I was so damned nervous trying to get everything just right before you came over.” “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble for me.” “Why shouldn’t I have? You’re worth the effort. And, I intend on spending the rest of my life showing you just how worth it you are.” Jocelyn should have been ecstatic at the thought that someone as wonderful as Cade was willing to stick by her side regardless of what had happened to her. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling she was doing him a disservice. A man like Cade deserved everything his heart desired. If they were together as he wanted them to be, she would be denying him the children she knew he’d eventually want. Though the doctors said there was a chance she could conceive, the chance was slim to none. That wasn’t enough of a guarantee for her. She lowered her lids, unable to meet the expectant gleam in his eyes. “Cade, I only agreed to this one date.” “You also admitted your love for me, which means I’m not going to allow you to push me out of your life because you feel you have to do the right thing by me. If you’re worried so much about having children, then we’ll adopt. Giving birth or contributing sperm doesn’t make you a parent. Look at me and my brothers. Aunt Earlene raised us as her own when our parents died. She loved us just as much as any biological mother could have. I can’t believe you’d let something like this stand in the way of our happiness.” He was breaking down all of her defenses and pretty soon she’d be too weak to not give in to him. She had one more card to play. Raising her chin in defiance, she looked him straight in the eyes. “What about sex, Cade?” A frown marred his forehead. “What about it?” “Wouldn’t you agree it’s an important part of a relationship?” “Of course, it is. But that wouldn’t be a problem with us. Whenever we were together, we set the world on fire.” “Yes, then. But now, I’m not so sure it’s possible.” His eyes clouded with confusion as he shook his head back and forth as though trying to make sense of what she was telling him. “But when we kissed earlier, it was great just as it always has been.” “Because it was only a kiss.” His eyes narrowed to blue slits. “Maybe I’m a little slow tonight, because you’re going to have to spell it out for me.” Jocelyn took a deep breath and forced herself to hold his gaze. “The kiss was great, like you said, but I don’t think I’m capable of going any further than a kiss. My body shuts down on me after a certain point.” “Are you saying you’re not capable of being aroused?” She bit her bottom lip and nodded. Now, he would push her away, and say he’d made a mistake. What man would willingly condemn himself to a life of celibacy? “It makes sense,” he said softly, almost as if he was talking more to himself than to her. “What?” “When I kissed you in the barn, you froze up on me. I could kick myself for that.” “What does that have to do with anything? I’m telling you I don’t think I’m capable of enjoying sex as a healthy woman should.” Each moment of silence that passed between them hurt deeply. It would have been better if he would come right out and say what he was thinking. Instead, Cade stared straight ahead, not really looking at anything in particular and not saying a word. Had he finally realized what a mistake he’d made by declaring his undying devotion to her? Was he trying to come up with excuses for why they shouldn’t be together? Even though this was what she wanted, it didn’t make this situation any less painful. This was exactly what she’d wanted to avoid. Jocelyn should have remained firm in her resolve to stay away from him, but she’d told herself she could handle it, at least for this one time. Obviously, she’d been wrong. “If you’ve changed your mind, I’m okay with it. In fact, it would probably be best for both of us, if we just called it quits now.” “Whoa!” He pushed away from the table and stood up. “You’re getting ahead of yourself. Contrary to what you believe, this changes nothing.” Her mouth fell open. Cade strode toward her with determined strides and stopped next to her. He took her hand and pulled Jocelyn out of her chair. “Come with me.” “Where are you taking me, Cade?” “You’ll see.” He led her down a long hallway and took her to what looked liked the master bedroom. “Cade,” she began hesitantly. “Trust me. Have a seat.” He motioned her toward the bed. What was he up to and why was he being so secretive? She knew he wouldn’t harm her in any way, but she wished Cade would tell her why he’d brought her here. Jocelyn hesitantly did as she was told, clenching her hands in her lap nervously. With a frown, she watched as he rooted through his closet. “What are you doing?” “You’ll find out soon enough. Hold your horses, darlin’.” She fidgeted on the bed, unable to keep still. Jocelyn didn’t have to wait for long, because Cade produced a shoebox and joined her on the bed. “Here.” He placed the box on her lap. “What’s in it?” “Open it and find out.” Stealing a brief glance in Cade’s direction, she pulled the top off with trembling fingers. Inside were newspaper clippings, pictures and a hodgepodge of odds and ends. Her hands shook as, she picked up the first item on top—a movie ticket from over eight years ago. Her mouth opened, but no words came out. “Does that look familiar?” Cade probed gently. Jocelyn nodded through a haze of tears. The lump in her throat felt like a rock, robbing her of speech. It was the first movie they’d ever gone to. It was some horror flick Cade had been dying to see. She’d been terrified, but he’d promised to hold her hand during the scary parts, not that it mattered much when it was all said and done anyway. They’d sat in the back of the theater. Neither one paid much attention to the screen, too wrapped up in the sensation of newfound love. She placed the ticket back in the box and pulled out a scrap of material, a dark green cotton with pink paisley. Her lips twisted into a grimace as a flinch shook her shoulder. “Do you remember?” Unable to help herself, Jocelyn found herself giggling. “How could I forget this ugly pattern? I’d saved my allowance for a month to buy fabric to make a dress. Unfortunately, when my dad took me to town I saw a pair of earrings I had to have and the only fabric I could afford was this ugly pattern.” “You convinced me to model the dress so you could see if it hung properly. I wasn’t a happy ten year old. Not to mention, my brothers still tease me about it.” “You were so adorable.” “I guess even then I was enamored of you. I kept this little scrap.” The implication of his words hit her like a fist to the chest. The sudden rush of tears stung the back of her eyes as a lump formed in her throat, making it difficult for words to move past her lips. Instead of saying what was on her mind, she replaced the piece of fabric back in the box and retrieved a newspaper article speaking of her triumphant debut at Bryant Park. Another news clipping spoke of a show she’d done in London. There were several more like it. As she wordlessly riffled through the contents of the box, a shiny object caught her eye. With shaking fingers she picked up the tiny gold ring lined with opal baguettes, her birthstone. “This is…” A fat teardrop fell from the corner of her eye, and plopped on her lap. Biting her bottom lip to hold back the sob hovering on the edge of escape, she held the ring up to the light. Cade took it and slipped it on her left ring finger. “It’s the promise ring I gave you. The one you threw at me when you told me you never wanted to see me again. I didn’t have the heart to get rid of it.” Jocelyn’s lips trembled as shame tore through her breast. She held her hand up to study it, remembering how much it had meant to her when he’d given it to her, how proud she’d been to wear it. How it symbolized the promise of their future together. To have treated something like this so callously cut deep as she was sure it had done Cade at the time she’d given it—no, tossed it back at him. So caught up in her own misery, she’d never given thought to the people she’d left behind in a desperate attempt to shut out the memories of a happier time. A life she’d felt she no longer deserved. Not once had she considered her father or Cade. Or that Cade might still be in love with her to the point where he had a box of keepsakes. Even when she believed he’d hated her for what she had done, he’d kept a chronicle of their lives together. A piece of material from that ugly dress she’d made at thirteen. Tickets to just about every movie they’d ever been to. A ribbon she used to wear. He even had the first Valentine’s Day card she’d given to him. Knowing how diligently he’d kept these precious mementos humbled her beyond anything. Nothing he could have said would have meant as much, convinced her as much as the contents of this box. He loved her. And always had. As much as she’d tried to deny her feelings for him, burying them deep down inside until not even she could guess the truth, Jocelyn loved Cade, too. With all her heart. What a coincidence it was that the two men she loved, her father and Cade, would compile these precious memories pertaining to her. The meaning wasn’t lost on her. Despite her being away, neither man had stopped loving her. Her father’s collection didn’t surprise her quite as much as Cade’s did, and she was truly touched by it. So much so, words couldn’t properly express everything she was feeling. The power of real love was awesome and overwhelming. But did she dare give in to her secret longings and give their love one more chance? Did she even have the courage to love him as whole-heartedly as she once had? Raising her head to look into the depths of his beautiful blue eyes, the answer to her question was answered and then some. “There’s more.” “There is?” She dug into the box and pulled out a velvet burgundy box. With shaking hands she opened it to reveal a platinum ring with a single teardrop diamond in the middle. It was beautiful. “I bought that when you went away to Dallas. I was hoping to give it to you one day.” He took it out of her hand and placed it back in the box. “But I want you to wear it, only when you’re ready.” She moistened her parched lips with the tip of her tongue. “Cade, I don’t know what to say.” Removing the box of keepsakes from her lap and carelessly tossing it aside, he scooted closer to her before capturing her face between his hands. “Say you love me, because I never stopped loving you. If you need more time, I’m okay with that. If we never get past the hand holding and kissing stage, I’m okay with that as well. I just need you in my life. Don’t shut me out again.” She shut her eyes briefly to savor the wonderful sound of his words. Never in a million years would she have dreamed Cade could love her with the same intensity he once had, but deep down, that part of her which still clung to the memory of her trauma made her hesitate to say the words she knew he wanted to hear, but only briefly. “I do love you, Cade. I always have, but—” Cutting off her words by covering her mouth with his, he swallowed her words of doubt, easing her fears through the sheer will of his love for her. Finally he lifted his head, leaving her breathlessly panting for more. “No buts. We love each other, the rest we’ll work out as we go along.” “So where do we go from here?” “I’ll let you set the pace.” She licked her lips again and raked her fingers through her hair. “And you’ll go along with anything I want?” “Anything, sweetheart.” “And you wouldn’t mind if we didn’t make love for a while?” “No. Just having you in my life again means more to me than you can know.” “In that case, I have a favor to ask.” “Yes?” “Make love to me. Tonight. Right now.”
Chapter Twelve Cade shook his head, not quite sure if he’d heard Jocelyn correctly. Did she just whisper the words which had featured prominently in his secret fantasies for longer than he could remember? Shifting on the bed, Cade willed his cock to go back down, because it had jumped to attention upon her declaration. He took a deep breath to calm the raging hormones swirling within him. He drank in her beauty, unable to reconcile this was actually reality and not a dream. He allowed his gaze to roam every curve and line of her face, which had been etched not only in his memory but in his heart. She was his every fantasy come true. The sudden urge to pinch himself to verify he wasn’t dreaming took over. More than anything, he wanted to take her in his arms and remind her how beautiful the act of physical love could be between a man and a woman. He wanted to wipe away the pain, the ugliness, the heartache of the trauma inflicted on her. He wouldn’t dare insult Jocelyn by telling her he understood exactly what she was feeling, what she was going through, but he did want to be there for her. To be that shoulder she could lean on, that ear to listen when she needed to talk. The strong arms that held her up when she could no longer stand, the strength when she was weak and the rock she could always depend on. No. He didn’t know what was going through her mind, or how a person was supposed to act who’d gone through what she had, but Cade didn’t want her to feel pressured to do something she might not be ready for. Draping his arm around her shoulder, he pulled her against him until her head rested against his chest. Cade dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “You know I know love you, don’t you?” Jocelyn stiffened within the circle of his arms for the slightest of moments. “I love you too, Cade, so why do I feel a but coming?” He stroked her dark silky locks. “Because there is. There’s nothing I want more right now than to make love to you, but I’m not sure you’re ready. I’ve already told you, I can wait until you are, even if it takes years. You’re worth it.” Jocelyn lifted her head to meet his gaze. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’m touched at your gesture, Cade, really I am, but I want to do this. You may think it’s too soon, and who knows, maybe it is. But I know how I feel right here.” She took his hand and placed it over her heart. “Do you see what you do to me? I can’t think of a more fitting way to end this evening than to make love with you. Please, Cade. I need this, and I think you do, too.” Wanting to give in to her passionate plea, Cade knew he’d have to try at least one more time to make sure this was what she wanted before proceeding. “Why don’t we go back to the living room, drink a little wine and listen to some music? We can talk. I promise you, we don’t have to do this.” She pulled out of the crook of his arm with narrowed eyes. “Why are you trying to talk me out of this? Don’t you want me?” Cade bent his head to brush his lips against hers. “Do you have to ask? Hell, I’m already rock hard just thinking about having you in my bed again. I want this so badly I can taste it.” “Then why are we talking about it, instead of doing it?” “Why indeed? I guess I imagined if we ever got to this point again, it wouldn’t be quite this soon, not that I’m complaining.” Leaning over, he kissed the corner of her mouth. The sweetness of her lips sent his pulse racing and his cock stiffened. What he really wanted was to take her in his arms and unleash all the pent-up passion within him, which simmered just below the surface. But he knew he’d have to take things easy. No matter what she said, he’d need to take things slow. Pulling away from Jocelyn, he stood. A smile tugging the corners of his lips, Cade held his hand out to her. A becoming flush of red swept her cheeks and in this moment, she’d never looked more beautiful. She placed her small hand in his, allowing him to pull her against him. Wrapping his arms around her, Cade buried his face against her neck. “Just let me hold you like this a little longer. I need to make sure this is real.” Her body shook as laughter tumbled from her mouth. “If this is a dream, I don’t know if it’s yours or mine, so let’s make the most of it, shall we?” Cade couldn’t think of anything he wanted more.
Jocelyn gulped. This was the moment she’d been anticipating and dreading all night long. Sure, she’d practically begged him to make love to her. She wanted him; needed to feel his arms around her, kissing, caressing and making her feel that passion within her only he could conjure up. But the part that terrified her was the part in the back of her mind that made her wonder if she was capable of ever feeling that way again. More than anything, she wanted him to enjoy this experience. The last thing she wanted was for Cade to feel cheated. His gaze slid over her, seeming to take in every detail, from the pleats in her denim skirt to the top button of her blouse that had come undone. She imagined he could even read her deepest emotions, dissecting them and stripping her bare. Jocelyn wrapped her arms around her body, a sudden shyness taking over. “Are you okay?” She nodded, not daring to speak, not sure if she was able to in that moment. So many nights, she’d dreamt of being in his arms again and now, her fantasies were soon to be reality. But could she follow through? This is Cade. He won’t hurt you. He’s not like them. This is the man you love. Cade moved close enough for her to feel the warmth of his breath. “You can tell me to stop at anytime, Jocelyn. We don’t have to do this. I’ll understand, if you want to change your mind.” “I want this, too.” “You’re trembling.” “I guess this isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.” “Then let’s go back to the living room and relax. We’ll watch some television and talk.” Shaking her head, she sent him a plea from the heart. “No. I want you to make love to me.” “But, you’re obviously having reservations. We don’t have to do something you’re not completely comfortable with.” “Don’t you want me?” Cade raked his fingers through his hair. “More than you could know. I’ve thought of nothing else but holding you again since your return. Sweetheart, I love you and I want you, but I also know you’ve experienced a considerable trauma, and it—it’s hurt like hell knowing you had to suffer alone. That you felt…” He lowered his head and turned away from her, but not before she glimpsed his unshed tears in his eyes. Closing the distance between them, Jocelyn wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head against his back. “Don’t you see? That’s why I need you tonight. I want to wipe out all the hurt and ugliness of the past and create a new memory with you. I want to know what it’s like to be held and loved. I want remember how good it felt to be in your arms. It scares the hell out of me that I may not be able to feel the pleasure we once shared, but at least after tonight, I’ll know for sure. This way if I can’t, I mean if I’m incapable of—” Cade pulled out of her hold and turned around to face her so swiftly, Jocelyn took two steps back. His eyes turned a shade of blue so dark they were nearly black. Blood rushed to his face, giving him an almost demonic look. “Don’t say it.” “But, we have to consider the possibility. I may be incapable of completely enjoying myself. Sex is an important aspect of a relationship and you should be with someone you can have a normal—” “Dammit, Jocelyn, would you stop it! If I wanted to marry someone for a convenient fuck, I would have done it a long time ago, but you happen to be the only woman I want. When will you get it through your thick skull. I love you and you alone. If we don’t have sex for the rest of our lives, I’m okay with it because I’d have you. You, Jocelyn.” His sincerity was unmistakable, but she couldn’t put him through a sexless marriage. She raised her chin with a determined stubbornness she wouldn’t allow him to break through. “Then make love to me.” “Jos…” “Please.” He expelled a deep breath from his nostrils, his mouth tightened. For a moment, she thought he’d walk away. Finally he nodded. “Are you sure about this?” He practically growled the words. “Very sure.” He grasped the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, baring his cut chest. Jocelyn’s mouth went dry, her eyes widening. Cade was thicker than she remembered, his shoulders broader, his stomach more sculpted and defined. Moving toward her with purposeful stride, Cade captured her gaze with his and held it. This was it. There was no turning back. Not stopping until their bodies nearly touched, he grazed the side of her face with the back of his hand. Jocelyn willed herself not to flinch away from his touch, desperately trying to suppress the panic building within her. Instead, she concentrated on the calloused hand which felt so familiar and right. Her mind drifted to a time of careless youth when all that mattered was how much she loved this man standing before her. Could she regain the feelings she wasn’t sure she was capable of? Cade cupped her jaw and lowered his head to brush his lips against hers in a light exploratory kiss. So far so good. She didn’t experience the urge to push him away. In fact, Jocelyn wanted his lips on hers once again. The warmth generating through her body was surely a good sign. Wasn’t it? Releasing her face, he lowered his gaze to her chest and ran his index finger down the front of her blouse, touching every button. “You have no idea how much I’ve dreamt of this. Tell me you love me.” She nodded, running her tongue across her lips. “I do. I love you with all my heart.” The lopsided grin Jocelyn would have killed for tilted Cade’s sensual lips. Unable to resist temptation, she traced those lips with her fingertips. Cade grasped her hand and bit down gently on the tips. Her breath caught in her throat. He was so tender and gentle, so much so Jocelyn wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold back the tears. She knew how insatiable Cade could be yet he was being so delicate with her, Jocelyn loved him even more for it. Cade pulled her finger out of his mouth before giving her a light kiss on the back of her hand. Moving with ease, he slowly unbuttoned each button of her blouse with such care, she trembled, not from fear, but a deeper emotion she couldn’t quite name. She gasped as he finished his task and pushed her shirt aside to expose lace-covered breasts. “It’s not too late to change your mind,” he whispered. Shaking her head with vehemence, Jocelyn touched his arm. “I know, but I don’t want to.” Cade responded with a nod, his eyes never leaving her breasts, as if they were the most fascinating sight he’d ever seen. He had a way of looking at her that made Jocelyn feel special, like a queen. It reminded her of why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place. Unclipping the front clasp of her bra, he pushed it aside and rubbed one bare tip with the pad of his thumb. “Jesus Christ, you’re just as beautiful as I remembered—even more so. When I think of what those bastards did to you—” A whimper tore from her throat and a tremble shimmied up her spine. Thankful for the support of the wall against her back, she rested her head on it and briefly squeezed her lids shut. “Don’t. No reminders from that night, please.” Molten blue flame blazed within the depths of Cade’s eyes and his mouth thinned to an angry line, but Jocelyn knew his ire wasn’t directed toward her. Cade grasped her chin and brushed his lips against hers in a gesture of comfort. “I’m not them. I’d never hurt you. You’ve got to trust me.” Swallowing hard, she managed to nod. “I know you wouldn’t. And I do, Cade…trust you I mean. But deep down, I don’t believe I deserve you. Yet, you’re here with me despite everything you’ve learned. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking you ought to be with someone who doesn’t have so many hang-ups. Someone younger, and who’s not so…damaged.” He placed a lean, tanned finger against her lips. “Sweetheart, if I wanted to be with anyone else, do you think I’d be here with you right now? Even though we’ve spent these past weeks avoiding each other, you were all I could think about.” Pulling back, he put a few inches of distance between them. “Hell, it’s been seven long years and I haven’t gotten over you. Even when I tried to convince myself I hated you, I couldn’t. I’m insane with love for you, so don’t stand there and tell me who I should be with when my life isn’t worth a damn without you!” Tears stung the backs of her eyes. Would it be selfish of her to accept what he’d offered? She couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing this out of some chivalrous need to protect her. But then again, Cade Devlin was a stubborn cuss who didn’t do anything he didn’t want to. “For what it’s worth, I never stopped loving you either. Not for a second.” He closed the gap between them and cupped her face between his palms. “Baby, it’s worth a helluva lot.” This time when their lips met, she returned his kiss and shyly thrust her tongue forward to meet his, circling it and savoring the taste of him. Sweet Lord above, was that a flicker of pleasure that had just hit her? So sure she’d lost the ability to feel desire, it took her by complete surprise. Was it possible she could actually get past the night that had robbed her of her self-worth and confidence as a woman? She certainly intended to find out. Cade broke the tight seal of their lips, panting for breath, his shirtless chest heaving. The look of naked arousal he shot her made Jocelyn tremble again, but this time, it wasn’t from uncertainty or fear. It was from the shameless need to lose herself in this beautiful man’s arms. Gathering her courage, she boldly perused the taut contours of his chiseled frame. Heat rushed to her cheeks as she spied the thick bulge of his erection outlined by his pair of indecently tight jeans. Slowly, she ran her gaze over lean hips to the line bisecting the valleys and hollows of his washboard abdomen, then continued on to well-toned pectoral muscles lightly dusted with dark blond hair. He was all man. And he was hers. “Do you like what you see, baby?” Anything she could have said in that moment would have sounded trite and insignificant, so Jocelyn simply nodded. It was almost as if this was just a beautiful dream she’d awake from any minute, and the last thing she wanted to do was ruin it. Cade shook his head, his mouth twisted into that crooked grin of his. “Uh uh. I want to hear the words.” Moistening her suddenly dry lips, it came to Jocelyn why he needed her verbal reassurance. Considering what she’d been through, he obviously wanted there to be no doubts between the two of them when all was said and done. And she loved him for it. It felt as if her heart would overflow with so much emotion swirling within her. Just when she thought she couldn’t love him more, he proved her wrong. “Yes. I like it very much.” He raised one devilish brow. “Want me?” “Yes.” “Show me.”
Chapter Thirteen Taking a deep breath, she placed her palms against the hard plane of his chest and pressed her lips on his collar bone. The heat generating from his body nearly scorched her lips. He stood still beneath her tentative kiss. She knew she’d have to turn things up a notch. Jocelyn licked his skin. The tangy, musky taste of him was all male and potently arousing. Cade flinched, causing her to bring her head up to meet his gaze. “Do you like that?” she whispered. He stroked the back of her head. “More than you could ever imagine, sweetheart. Don’t stop.” Emboldened by the passionate plea, she pressed light kisses along his chest as her fingers trailed along his tanned skin. Jocelyn flicked her tongue across the flat disk of his nipple. Cade grasped her head, holding it against his body. “God, Jocelyn. You’re driving me crazy.” His statement brought a smile to her face and increased her confidence. She circled the hardened tip before taking it into her mouth. She loved the way he responded to her and the low growl flowing past his lips. Taking her time, she savored his unique flavor. After licking, laving and nipping the taut peak, she turned her attention to his other nipple, giving it the same attention she had the first. Finally, she lifted her head to gauge his reaction. Cade’s eyes were closed tightly, his teeth gritted and breathing shallow. She needed no words to know he liked what she was doing. As each second passed, her sense of empowerment grew. Jocelyn scaled the hard plane of his body with her palms in a downward motion, not stopping until she reached his belt buckle. A gasp tumbled from his mouth. “Jocelyn. Don’t do it, if you don’t mean it.” “I do mean it. You wanted me to show you how much I wanted you, and that’s what I intend to do.” With trembling hands, she undid his belt and fumbled with the button of his jeans. Cade moved to assist her, but she pushed his hands away. “No. Let me.” Her next attempt was met with success. Slowly, she pushed his jeans down lean hips marveling at every single angle of his body, the personification of pure perfection. Going to her knees, she found herself eye level with a thick bulge pressing against his briefs, straining to break free. It seemed larger than she remembered. She brushed her fingers against it, outlining its length. Cade inhaled sharply, causing her to pull her hand away. “Please don’t stop.” He groaned. Taking her hand in his, he guided it back to his stiffness. As she began to stroke his cock through his briefs, his breath became shallow and his body trembled. “Oh yeah.” With her newfound confidence, Jocelyn pulled his underwear down and helped him step out of them along with his jeans. His cock jutted forward, so hard, proud and thick, capped with a bulbous head that had a pearly drop of pre-come on its tip. Circling her fingers around his rod, she leaned forward and licked the satiny tip to test his reaction. A groan tore from Cade’s throat and his body shook. Jocelyn took this as a sign to continue. She took him fully into her mouth and tightened her lips around his stiffness, loving the way he couldn’t stop trembling. With one hand, she cupped his balls, fondling them lightly. As she moved her mouth along his organ, wetting, sucking and savoring him, warmth spread throughout her body. Surprisingly, she was becoming aroused from the simple act of pleasuring him. If someone would have told her weeks ago she would end up with Cade, like this, she would have laughed. Not only did she believe there was no chance of her reuniting with him, but to be able to respond to him sexually was a whole other issue. Perhaps she wouldn’t be able to feel this way with any other man but him, but it didn’t matter. What did matter was they were together now, and she intended to satisfy him as he deserved. Jocelyn tightened her grip on his cock, sucking harder and faster. Nothing was more important to her in this moment than giving him pleasure. Cade stiffened momentarily before his body began to jerk with frantic shakes. “No more, Jos, God I can’t take any more,” he said in a throaty groan. Releasing his cock, she raised her head to look him in the eyes. Apprehension filled the pit of her stomach. “Di-didn’t you like it?” He hooked his hands beneath her arms and hauled her to her feet, crushing her against him. Instead of answering her question, he covered her mouth in a ravenous, seeking kiss. With a sigh, she parted her lips beneath his marauding tongue and threw her arms around his neck. Cade’s actions said it all as his hands roamed the naked expanse of her back and buttocks, sending shivers of sensual delight coursing through her entire being. Jocelyn clung to him, not wanting him to let go, so aroused she could barely think straight. It was all so surreal, a beautiful dream she didn’t want to wake from. Cade broke the kiss, only to capture her bottom lip between his strong white teeth, giving it a playful tug. He nibbled and licked her mouth with unhurried movements, sending her senses reeling. She didn’t know how much more of this erotic torture she could take before she burst into flame. “Mmm, you taste so good, baby,” he murmured against her lips, his forehead resting against her. Cade cupped her face, massaging her cheeks with his thumbs. “I can’t believe this is real.” “Me neither. It’s been a long time since we’ve been together like this, but it’s almost like—” “We’ve never been apart.” “Exactly.” He brushed her lips with his. “I don’t know about you, sweetheart, but I need to make love to you now, or I think I’ll go insane.” A smile tugged the corners of her lips. “Then what are you waiting for?” A deep chuckle rumbled from his throat as he scooped Jocelyn up in his corded arms and carried her the short distance to the bed. Gently laying her on the bed, he allowed his cobalt gaze to lovingly roam her from head to toe like an intimate caress. Goose bumps lined her skin as a mixture of emotion tore through Jocelyn. Moistening her lips with the tip of her tongue, she wondered why he didn’t join her. Feeling self-conscious, she made a move to cross her arms across her exposed breasts, but Cade reached down to grip Jocelyn’s wrists. “Don’t. Let me look at you a bit longer.” “You’re making me nervous standing there like that. Why don’t you come here?” She crooked her index finger at him in a blatant invitation. “In a minute. I want to look at you just a little longer. God, you’re beautiful.” Jocelyn giggled. “You keep saying that.” “Because it’s true. Darling, words can’t describe how I feel right now. You’re like a salve to my aching heart. I’ve hurt so long—” She cut him off upon hearing the pain behind his words and sat up, pain searing through her core as she thought of how she’d treated him. If only she’d been honest, maybe things would have turned out differently for them instead of suffering through all this wasted time. “Cade, if I could take back what I did to you, I would.” Shaking his head vehemently, he sat next to her, taking Jocelyn’s hands in his. He brushed his lips along each of her fingertips. “Don’t. It wasn’t your fault. And, I promise, I wasn’t blaming you. I only wanted you to know how much this means to me. You here, in my bed, is the greatest gift you could have ever given to me. I never want this night to ever end.” He smiled, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. She tilted her head against his touch, her heart swelling with love. She didn’t think it possible to love anyone as much as she did Cade. “Thank you.” “For what?” “For loving me.” “Sweetheart, as long as I could remember I’ve loved you, even when I tried to convince myself I didn’t. I intend to spend my life making you happy, starting tonight.” Leaning over, he dropped kisses across her lips. He trailed his fingers between her breasts. “Such beautiful skin, and I’m going to enjoy tasting every inch of it.” She gave him a playful wink. “I’ll hold you to that.” Cade grinned, revealing strong white teeth, hooking his finger inside of the elastic waistband of her skirt. “And I intend to deliver. But first, let’s get rid of this, shall we?” Her shoulders shook involuntarily. There was no turning back after this point, and she didn’t want there to be. “Yes.” Her voice came out as a breathy whisper. Jocelyn kept her gaze locked on Cade’s rough hewn features. In her heart, she knew she could trust him, and he’d make this a pleasing experience for her. There was no need to be afraid. She raised her hips as he tugged off her skirt and slowly peeled off her panty hose. As he worked on removing her panties, she shrugged out of the blouse. Once she lay bare beneath his intense blue gaze, Jocelyn suddenly grew self-conscious, but she resisted the urge to cross her arms over her breasts. He ran a palm across her belly. “Mmm, I don’t know where to begin. How about I start here?” he murmured, settling himself beside her. He moved down the bed until his head was level with her waist. Lowering his head, Cade pressed a kiss against her belly. His tongue darted forward to tease her navel, licking and circling it. Jocelyn grasped his shoulder, squeezing it as a fluttering of wicked delight flowed within the pit of her stomach and slowly made its way through her entire body. A soft sigh escaped her lips. She remembered how good it had been in Cade’s arms, making love with him, but somehow this seemed more intense, her emotions seemed more in tune with his. Cade took his time nibbling and exploring the skin around her mid-section, seeming to be in no rush to move on. He was driving her wild as he caressed her with such reverence tears sprang to her eyes. A range of emotions filled her, joy, love, and lust featuring prominently among them. When he moved lower, and gently nudged her legs apart, she stiffened. He raised his head, brows knitted together “Are you okay, sweetheart?” She nodded, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. “If you don’t want me to continue, we can stop this right now.” “Please don’t stop,” she whispered. “I want you. I want this.” He frowned, concern and uncertainty etching his face. “If you’re sure…” “I am. Please.” She closed her eyes briefly. Relax. This is the man you love. You owe this to him but most of all to yourself. Despite being aroused and knowing she could trust Cade, in a tiny corner in her mind, the fear threatened to rear its head. No! The last time anyone had touched her there, it hadn’t been an act of sex or love. It was violence, pure and simple. They had taken from her what was only her right to give, but not this time. This time, it was her choice. And, it was love. That very thought gave her the strength to relax. Slowly, the tension eased out of her muscles, allowing Jocelyn to open her eyes again. A smile pulled the corners of her lips up as she stared into the eyes of her beloved Cade. This was right and meant to be. Why had she been fighting so hard when it seemed as if she and this man had always belonged together? She grazed his jaw with the back of her hand. “I’m all right, Cade. Please don’t stop.” He searched her face as though looking for some kind of clue, until finally he returned her smile. “I love you.” “I love you. Make love to me.” He chuckled. “You don’t have to ask me twice, sweetheart, but first, I’d like to get reacquainted with this pretty little body of yours.” Cade repositioned himself until he rested between her legs. Brushing the tight nest of curls between her legs, he kissed her inner thighs. A spasm of pure ecstasy slammed through her body. He’d barely touched her and already she felt as if she’d explode. How on earth would she make it through this without going insane with passion? She pressed her lips together to hold back the cry hovering in her throat. Gently, he parted her damp slit and grazed her clit with his fingertip. Her body jerked, as if it had a mind of its own. “Oh!” Cade gave her a lopsided grin. “Like that?” “Do you even have to ask?” “Sometimes a man likes to hear those things.” “I liked it very much.” “And how about this?” He gave her clit a light pinch between his thumb and forefinger. Again, her body shook. “Oh, yeah. Definitely.” She wondered how she managed to get the words out, especially when she could barely think straight. Cade dipped his head and this time captured her ultra-sensitive clit between his lips, sending flickers of incendiary heat crashing through her. This time when she trembled, Jocelyn couldn’t stop. She threaded her fingers through his blond locks and held his head against her pussy, wanting more. Seeming to understand her silent command, he sucked on her pussy as if he couldn’t get enough. Her grip tightened in his hair as she ground her hips against his face. Overwhelmed by the strong sensations tearing through her body, she cried out. “Oh God, Cade! That feels so good!” He pushed his middle finger into her damp sheath and then pulled it out to the fingertip, before stuffing it deep inside of her again. His mouth continued to suck and sexually torment her swollen clitoris. Jocelyn was quickly reaching the peak she never believed she’d ever have again, but sure enough it was happening. “Cade!” The harder she tugged on his hair and mashed her pussy against him, the more it served to spur him on, making him suck more voraciously, like a man possessed and she loved it, couldn’t get enough of it. Her climax started as a slow build-up in her toes that leisurely spread all the way to the top of her head, and then came full blast throughout her like an explosion. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she screamed with the force of her feelings. Cade lifted his head to catch her gaze, but he continued to work his finger in and out of her. “How’d you like that?” She didn’t have the strength to respond verbally, so instead she held her arms open, inviting him in. Slowly, he removed his finger, and licked off her cream, murmuring, “You’re delicious,” and then moved on top of her, his mouth covering hers in a devouring kiss. Jocelyn parted her lips beneath his tongue, pushing hers forward to meet his. He tasted so raw and wonderfully male. Being here like this with Cade felt so right. Emotions she couldn’t quite name moved through her body and she didn’t want this moment to ever end. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. Cade was the one to finally break the tight kiss to nuzzle the side of her neck. “I want you so badly, Jocelyn.” She stroked the side of his face. “Then take me. I’m yours, I’ll always be yours.” Parting her legs, she invited him to complete their act of love. Cade wedged his knees between her thighs. Grasping his cock, he positioned it against her slick opening. “Are you ready for this?” Hesitating for only the briefest of seconds, she nodded. With careful precision, Cade slid into her wet channel, inch by delicious inch until he was deep inside of her. He groaned as he moved inside of her, his eyes shut tight as if he was obviously relishing the moment. Inhaling sharply, he opened passion-glazed eyes, focusing them on her. “Are you okay?” Jocelyn released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. How did she feel? She’d expected to be a little apprehensive, fearful even, but for some reason, this felt so incredibly right. Their bodies fit so perfectly together, it was as if they were created to be together like this. She was meant to be his woman and he her man. Too overwhelmed to speak, her mouth formed words but nothing came out. She could only hold her arms out to him. Cade needed no further encouragement. With a moan, he lowered his head to hers, and their lips met once again. Slowly, he began to move, filling her so deliciously and wonderfully she couldn’t keep still. Raising her hips, she met his thrusts. Her movement was awkward at first until she found her rhythm until they were in sync with one another. Cade raised his head, his gaze roaming her face, eyes full of love. Their hands found each other, twining together and holding on tight as they continued to gyrate, grind and move in a dance as old as time. Waves of fiery heat rippled through her body. Her desire for him was so powerful, she didn’t think she’d be able to handle what she knew would be another cataclysmic orgasm. If the first one was powerful, she knew this one would be nothing short of that or more so. Again, she couldn’t help wondering if this was a dream she’d wake from any minute. If it was, Jocelyn intended to hold on until the very end, not wanting this to end. Ever. Their coming together was a balm to the years of pain and separation they’d suffered. It touched the deepest part of her soul knowing he was willing to be with her, despite what he’d learned. Some uncertainty still lurked in the recesses of her mind, but that was something they’d discuss later. For now, she simply wanted to enjoy this moment. Squeezing his hands as a familiar tingling worked its way along every nerve ending in her body, Jocelyn knew her climax was near. “Cade, I don’t think I can hold on much longer,” she groaned. “Don’t hold back, sweetheart. Don’t ever hold anything back from me.” Just as she’d predicted, she reached her peak. Her body convulsed uncontrollably. Never had she experienced something so powerful. It was like an awakening of her soul. “Cade! Oh, God! Cade!” “Oh, sweetheart, I’m coming, too.” Gritting his teeth, he braced his upper body on his forearms, threw back his head and released a loud grunt before filling her pussy with his seed. His body jerked and shook for several moments before he collapsed into Jocelyn’s waiting arms. “I love you,” he whispered against her skin. Jocelyn, no longer able to hold back the emotion within her, burst into tears.
Chapter Fourteen Cade rolled off Jocelyn and pulled her within the crook of his arm, alarm filling him. He thought they’d shared something pretty special, but had it been too much for Jocelyn? The last thing he wanted was to make her feel obligated to be with him intimately, which was why he’d kept asking her if it was okay. Now, he silently cursed himself. He should have been more firm in his resolve to give her time. Feeling like a major asshole, he cuddled her against him. “I’m so sorry, darling. Please forgive me.” She raised her head with a sniff, a bewildered look on her face. “Why are you apologizing?” “Because we probably shouldn’t have done this. You weren’t ready for this, but I couldn’t keep my hands off of you. Not that it’s an excuse.” Releasing her, he sat up, raking his fingers through his hair. “Dammit, I’m no better than those animals who—” “Please don’t say it, Cade. You’re nothing like them. Do you hear me? Nothing!” Shame washed through him. “But you weren’t ready.” She snorted, wiping a tear away. “I think the only person qualified to know whether I’m ready for this is me, don’t you think?” “But you were crying.” “I was crying because it was a beautiful moment, you idiot! I was crying because I love you, and because I never thought I’d ever feel this way again. I believed I’d been robbed of my capability of being aroused, and of loving. Tonight, you helped me to heal.” He opened his mouth to speak but she raised her hand to stop him. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never forget what happened to me and I may never get over it completely. Something like that stays with you, you know? But you showed me how it was meant to be between a man and woman. You showed me love. They were tears of joy, Cade, not sadness. Now, stop being silly and come over here and hold me.” Cade found himself grinning from ear to ear. She didn’t need to tell him twice. Sliding his body next to hers, he pulled her in his arms and held her tightly, not wanting to let go. Dropping a kiss on the top of her head, he stroked her back. “I love you so much. Jocelyn, no matter what happens, promise me we’ll be honest with each other from here on out. I don’t think I can take another seven years without you in my life.” Her bottom lip poked out in a pout and a forlorn expression crossed her face. “Oh, Cade. I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I wish I could take it back. If I knew now what I knew then, I would have told you the truth, but I was so afraid of how you’d react. I didn’t think it was fair to burden you with my problems.” “And that decision was mine to make. I was angry when I first learned what happened to you and that you lied to me, but I’ve had time to think about it. Not once did I blame you for what happened. Oh, I admit to being mighty miffed about you keeping it from me, but I could never be upset with you for what happened. It wasn’t your fault. Those bastards are to blame, and let me tell you right now, I will find them one day and make them pay for what they did to you.” “But I don’t even know who they are. I don’t know their names, for all I know they could have been aliases. Besides, after all this time, if we did find those guys, it would be hard to get a conviction.” Cade raised a brow, fury boiling in his blood. When he looked at his precious Jocelyn, knowing what was done to her, he could commit murder. “I never said anything about taking those motherfuckers to court. I said I’d make them pay by handing out a little Texas justice Devlin style.” She placed her hand against his chest. “Cade, don’t do anything stupid. You’re no good to either of us if you’re in jail.” “I’m not going to kill them if that’s what you’re thinking, although I’d very much like to. No, I have something else in mind. You forget, we Devlins have connections around these parts and I have some buddies in Dallas who owe me a few favors. If those punks are still hanging out in the same spots, I’ll find them.” She shivered. “Cade, I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t want you getting in trouble with the law. I know you care about me, and knowing that is enough for me. You don’t have to seek revenge on my behalf. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see those bastards strung up by their balls but I know it won’t change what happened to me. Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to find them.” “We can start with the person throwing that party and go from there.” Seeing the apprehensive look enter her eyes, Cade realized this probably wasn’t the right time to have this discussion. There’d be time to go over this, later. But for now, he simply wanted to bask in the aftermath of what they shared. “We’ll discuss it later.” “You can’t just bring something like that up and expect me to forget about it. Don’t you think this should be my decision?” Cade saw the fear lurking in her eyes. More than anything, he wanted to take away her pain, turn back time and make things the way they used to be. He sighed, knowing he’d need patience. “Are you scared about confronting them?” She lowered her lids and nodded. He caressed the side of her face, his thumb grazing her soft cheek. “Just some food for thought, but if they could do what they did to you, it stands to reason you weren’t their first victim, or their last. If anything, they deserve to be punished to prevent them from doing to someone else, what they did to you.” Jocelyn didn’t respond for a long time and for a moment, Cade wondered if he’d gone too far. But finally, she met his gaze once more. “You’re right. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did, and if there’s a way to stop it from happening, I-I’ll do what I can to help you find them. But, I’m not sure if I have it in me to go through a long trial where I’m scrutinized as if I’m the criminal. I’ve seen it before and I-I know I sound like a coward but—” “Sweetheart, I think you’re very brave. Don’t ever let me hear you say that about yourself again. You’ve already gone through so much. All I need is your assistance in finding them and you leave the rest up to me.” Placing her palms against his chest, her eyes widened. “Promise me you won’t kill them. They’re not worth it and I don’t think I can lose you again.” Holding her close, he placed his head against her forehead. “I promise. Leave it up to me. By the time I’m done with them, I’m sure they’ll prefer death.” “What are you—” Covering her mouth with his, he silenced her. “Shh. We’ll talk about it later, okay?” She nodded. “Okay.” “Besides, we have other things to discuss, like you telling me all about New York. Do you think the Big Apple is ready for a country boy like me?” “Oh, Cade. Would you really be willing to leave all this behind to come to New York with me?” “You’d better believe it, sweetheart. This has been my home all my life, but I realized without you, it means absolutely nothing to me. My home is wherever you are.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I love you so much. Thank you.” He brushed her lips with his. “There’s nothing to thank me for. I’ll be stuck to you like glue, lady. You won’t get rid of me so easily.” “This sacrifice you’re willing to make on my behalf is humbling but I can’t let you do it.” His smile faded and eyes narrowed. Instinctively his hold tightened around her. If she thought he’d let her go, she had another think coming. “Jocelyn, we belong together. There’s no way I’m letting you walk out of my life again. I’ve made up my mind.” “And I’ve made up mine. I can’t let you give up everything you have here. There might be a lot to do in New York, but you’d be bored within a week of moving there. You wouldn’t feel right if you didn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn and work until sunset. You love it here. Devlin Ranch is in your blood and I won’t let you give it up for me.” “Jocelyn, I’ve already told you, my life means nothing to me unless you’re in it. Yes, it will take a little adjustment on my end, but I’m sure I can find something to do.” “Let me finish. What I’m trying to say, is it won’t be necessary for you to uproot yourself because I’m willing to move back here to be with you.” Cade shook his head, not sure if he’d heard her correctly. He’d already come to terms with the idea of relocating, although the thought did fill him with some trepidation. He’d be a fish out of water, but somehow, with Jocelyn by his side, he figured they could work things out somehow. But if she was willing to live here… “Jocelyn, I did mean everything I said.” “I know you did, and I appreciate it, but I won’t allow you to make that sacrifice, especially when it would be so much easier for me to move back here.” “What about your business? Isn’t your home and business in New York?” “Like you said, my home is with you, Cade. As far as my business concerns, I don’t need to be in my office to create my designs. I can set up an office here. As far as my condo, I’ll probably hold on to it because I’ll need to travel to Manhattan quite a bit until I get my affairs settled.” It almost seemed too good to be true and Cade felt like jumping for joy. “Do you really mean it? You’d be willing to give up the bright lights to come live back here?” She giggled. “Cade, while I’ve grown accustomed to city living, it doesn’t compare to the fresh air, wide open spaces, and you. I liked living in Manhattan, but I’m a country girl at heart. I never realized how much I missed this place until I came back. Besides, being with you, I look forward to reconnecting with my father and getting to know my new stepmother better. I miss sitting at the kitchen table in the big house while chatting over a cup of coffee with Aunt Earlene. I miss riding the horses, Decker’s jokes, Ridge’s teasing and Stone’s advice. But most especially, you’re here. I knew I was fighting a losing battle when I came here because I knew once I set foot on the ranch again, I probably wouldn’t want to leave. Like you said, my home is wherever you are, but I’d prefer my home to be here.” Cade’s heart contracted. He didn’t think it was possible to love Jocelyn anymore than he already did, but she’d just proven him wrong. Unable to control himself, he tightened his arms around her and gave her a hard hungry kiss, not breaking the tight seal of their lips until his lungs screamed for air. “Whoo!” Jocelyn panted. “That kiss was something else.” “You’re something else. Something special. Would you really be willing to come back to the ranch to live? I mean it’s not as glamorous as what you’re used to. We may have some parties every now and then, but they’ll be nothing like the glamorous shindigs you’re used to. No celebrities or—” She placed a finger against his lips, silencing him. “Shut up, Cade. If I wanted those things, don’t you think I would have jumped for joy when you offered to go to New York with me? Honestly, all I’ve ever wanted was to create clothing behind the scenes, but when a few celebrities began wearing my designs, I became bigger than I thought I’d ever be. I admit it, seeing my work come to life on the runway is a dream come true, but the other stuff, not so much. I hate the parties and all the traveling. I haven’t earned the reputation as a recluse for nothing.” “And you’re willing to walk away from everything you’ve worked so hard to build?” “I won’t be walking away, Cade, just refocusing my attention on other projects. I have a handful of up and coming designers working for my company who are quite capable of taking care of the high end stuff that appears on the runways and in overpriced boutiques. I’d like to turn my energy into designing an affordable line of clothing for regular women of all shapes and sizes. I’m actually already in talks to partner with a major retail store. I can just as easily perform my negotiations here, as I can in Manhattan. But what I can’t do, is go back there feeling the way I do about you. Cade, I love you. There’s been too much time wasted already and a lot of catching up to do, starting now.” She captured his face between her hands and pressed her lips against his. For so long, Cade had gone through life as though a part of him was cut off—his heart. But finally, it was whole once again.
Jocelyn stirred, stretching her arms above her head, a feeling of delicious contentment flowing through her body. The warmth of Cade’s body next to hers felt so right. His arms were wrapped around her waist, his lean frame curved against her backside. The even sound of his breathing told her he was still sleeping. Careful not to wake him, she rolled away and turned to face him. He looked so peaceful and handsome in his slumber. Seeing a stray lock of blond hair resting on his forehead, Jocelyn used it as an excuse to brush it aside. A moan rumbled in his throat, but he remained asleep. Words couldn’t adequately describe all the emotions running through her in this moment. Being with him again like this was like a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. Jocelyn knew she still had a ways to go before she was completely over the trauma she’d suffered, maybe she never would be, but unlike before now, there was hope. Hope for a better future and happiness with Cade. His love was a balm to her heart—the kind that would ease the passage to her healing. For so long she’d been so afraid, ashamed, and anxious that she’d forgotten what it was like to be so thoroughly happy. Coming home was the best thing she could have done. Jocelyn only wished she hadn’t stayed away so long. Tears sprang to her eyes as she thought of all the years she’d dealt with her pain alone. But then again, would things have turned out this way? She’d never know for sure. Unable to keep still, she leaned over and pressed her lips against his brow before rolling off the bed. She picked up Cade’s shirt and slipped it on. Silver beams of moonlight illuminated the room through the window, beckoning her to them. Wrapping her arms around her body to stave off a shiver, she walked toward the window and sighed. Home. This is where she belonged. It would be no hardship to uproot and live here. In fact, she could hardly wait for the next stage of her life to begin. Her mind drifted to Kyla, who’d come to mean so much to her over the past few years. She was going through her own private hell and Jocelyn hoped her friend could obtain peace in her life and perhaps find someone who would love and nurture her the way she deserved to be. Perhaps, Jocelyn could convince Kyla to stick around past the wedding. She was so deep in thought that she didn’t hear Cade slide off the bed and join her. Strong arms wrapped around her. With a smile, she leaned against his hardness. “Hmm. I didn’t mean to wake you.” “No worries. I missed you.” Jocelyn giggled. “I was only standing a few feet away, silly.” “But you weren’t in my arms where you belong. If you’re not near me, I miss you.” Her heart skipped a beat. “Aww, you’re so sweet.” “No, you are. And I could just eat you up.” “You already did,” she laughed. “And you were delicious.” He nipped her earlobe playfully. “So, what were you thinking? You looked deep in thought.” Jocelyn released a sigh. “I was thinking about how happy I am right now and also about Kyla.” “What about her?” “I wish for her to be happy one day. She’s been through so much. People judge her based on what they’ve read in the magazines and on gossip blogs, but she’s nothing like that. I know she seems standoffish to people who don’t know her, but she’s been through a lot in her life.” “Well, if she’s a friend of yours, she must be a good person, besides I owe her one. If she hadn’t told me the truth, we might never have talked things out. For that, she’s okay in my book. But enough about her, I’d rather focus on us right now.” Cade turned her around to face him until their lips met in a hungry kiss. Jocelyn parted her lips to grant his tongue the access it demanded. She wasn’t willing to let him dominate the kiss, however. Thrusting her tongue forward to meet his, she gave as good as she got, devouring and exploring the deep recesses of his mouth. She loved this man so much, and she couldn’t think of anyplace she would rather be than here in his arms. The hardness of his erection pressed against her thigh, making Jocelyn pull back slightly. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, “Are you ready again? We’ve already made love three times tonight.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “Darling, I don’t ever think I can get enough of you. Besides, we have a lot of lost time to make up for.” She couldn’t argue with that line of logic. “Then by all means, let’s go back to bed.” Chuckling, Cade scooped her up and carried her the short distance to the bed. As he lay her down and covered her body with his, Jocelyn shivered in anticipation of what was to come. “I love you, Cade,” she whispered as their lips met. No matter what lay ahead in the future, Jocelyn had the courage to face it head on because finally she was whole.
About the Author To learn more about Eve, please visit www.evevaughn.com. Send an email to eve@evevaughn.com or join her Yahoo! group to join in the fun with other readers as well as Eve at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/evevaughnsbooks
Look for these titles by Eve Vaughn
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The Life and Loves of April Johnson A Night to Remember Reinvention of Chastity Stranded Mistress to the Beast
Sometimes you have to make your own happily ever after.
Working at the Glass Slipper is anything but a fairytale for Cyn Elder. After one especially long day, all she wants is to kick off her shoes and put her feet up, but she reluctantly lets her friends drag her out to a new club. Movie mogul and fledgling club owner Parker Maguire is bored with the Hollywood scene and its plastic women, and the club scene isn’t proving to be much better. Until he finds a sassy woman refusing to back down from his overzealous bouncer. Cyn is a breath of fresh air, neither impressed by celebrity status nor bowled over by his charisma and wealth. She’s honest, genuine—and arousing in more ways than he could have ever imagined. For once, Cyn puts herself before her shop and lets herself be swept off her feet by a man who pursues her with a delightful vengeance. Her father’s evil girlfriend and her two lazy daughters, however, see Cyn’s new happiness as nothing more than a threat to their own comfortable lives. Their plot to break the two lovers up could turn Parker and Cyn’s “once upon a time” into a “happily never after.” Unless Cyn’s Fairy Drag Queen can pull something out of her pink-chiffon sleeve…
Warning: This title contains hot, dirty, workplace sex; hot, dirty, sauna sex; heck…just hot, dirty sex in general. As well as fairies of the non-magical variety, and dreams coming to life.
Enjoy the following excerpt for Head Over Heels: “Corner pocket,” Parker called, as he lined up his next shot. “Hmm, could it be you’re a hustler.” “Now, now, Parker, if I was trying to hustle you, I would have made a wager.” “It’s not too late.” He could think of several things he’d be willing to bet on. “I’m willing.” “So I see.” He froze on the down stroke and looked up into her twinkling eyes. If he had any doubts before that she wasn’t aware of his attraction to her, those were now laid to rest. He was certain she missed very little. “What do you mean?” he questioned as he took his shot, cursing to himself as he missed. She was getting to him. “I just meant you look like a betting man.” Taking the stick out of his hand, she nudged him with her hip and leaned over to take her shot. She looked up before she thrust her stick between her long brown fingers and cocked a brow, “What did you think I meant?” She executed her shot perfectly, winking at him as she stood. Fuck this, Parker thought, as he watched her bend over again. Her dress rose a bit in the back, flashing smooth, groin-tightening chocolate thighs at him, forcing a savage growl from his throat as he noticed he wasn’t the only one looking. A couple of guys at the next table were watching her intently, too intently for his peace of mind. He didn’t mind she was teasing him, but the thought of anyone else enjoying the view was enough to piss him off. Glaring at the men in question, he walked behind her, blocking her ass from their sight. “Aww,” one complained, earning a scowl from him as he twisted around to see who said it. “What did you say?” she asked when she stood once again. “Nothing,” he replied as he turned back to face her. “Did you make it?” “Weren’t you watching?” “No.” “Then yes.” The laughter in her voice told him another story. “Cheat.” He reached for the stick, brushing his hands against her. All the laughter froze as the touch forced them to make eye contact, real contact for the first time, and he really liked what he saw. He wasn’t the only one feeling the pull between them. He was just the only one not fighting it. “You know you worried me there for a moment.” “Moi?” she asked, pressing her hand flush to her chest. Once again his mind went back to the pool table, and her on top, arms spread wide gripping the pool stick as he feasted on her body. “How did I do that?” “I wasn’t sure if you were going to show tonight.” “And stand up the Prince? Never.” Her pretty brown face was relaxed in a smile. Never had he been turned on before by just simple foreplay. And that was what it was. They hadn’t touched, not really, but he was just as aroused as if they had. It was something about her—no—it was everything about her that was a turn on from her smooth, chocolate skin, to the sexy sway of her ass. He was intoxicated on her beauty and enraptured by her charm. “So does this mean I get your phone number this time?” “If you’re a good boy.” “Oh, baby, I promise you. I’m good.” “I bet.” Glancing down at his outfit, she looked him over in a way that made him feel it as if it were her fingers instead of just her gaze. “I like you in black.” He was willing to bet he’d like himself in black as well. “Thank you.” She looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes as she picked up her drink. “I have this theory.” “Do tell.” “All men look good in black. Black clothes, black cars…” she toyed with the straw in her glass, with a soft demure smile across her lips as she continued, “…black women.” Damn! He went from intrigued to aroused in two seconds flat. Leaning in closer so there was no chance she would miss his words, he teased back, “I’m a man of science you know, and I’m a big believer in theories. The ‘big bang’ is one of my personal favorites.” She coughed on her drink, bringing her hand quickly to her mouth to stifle the soda that was surely about to fly out. Sputtering, she reached behind her on the table and grabbed a napkin to wipe up her mess. “Boy…” she chuckled, in between coughs, “…you are too much.” “Just enough I’d say.” He could tell she was used to having the upper hand in relationships. She was in for a mighty fall if she thought he was going to roll over and play lap dog for her. “Are you a betting woman?” “Could be. Depends on the bet I guess.” “I win this game, you come home with me.” “Hollywood?” She quirked her eyebrow questioningly. “No, I have a townhouse here, as well.” “Okay, and if I win…” Her voice trailed away as she waited for his response. “We’ll go out for coffee instead,” he offered nonchalantly. She pondered the comment for a moment, before setting her drink back on the table. “Sounds like a great bet.” Bending, he took aim. It was a win-win situation as far as he saw it. Yes, he wanted to go to bed with her, but half an hour spent in her presence was a great consolation prize. As he pulled the stick back, she chimed in, “I want to change the bet a bit.” Damn, he knew things were too good to be true. “You want me to change my wager?” “No.” Walking around to where he was, Cyn ran her hands down his stick suggestively. “If you win, I go home with you. If I win, you go home with me.”
Neena Williamson is positive the man who just walked into her favorite café is all wrong for the local charity’s new hot male calendar. For starters, he’s wearing the most butt-ugly Hawaiian shirt on the face of the earth. He doesn’t fit anyone’s image of a smokin’ hardbody, even if her friend insists he’s perfect for Mr. December. When a gunman robs the café, Mr. December proves that underneath his bad taste in clothes, he knows how to bring it. Clarksville, Wyoming is the perfect place for Mitch Gilroy to hide in plain sight. He enjoys his low-key handyman job, and no one pries into his former life. But in an instant, Mitch is forced to remember everything he’s tried so hard to forget. Thrown together by sudden violence, Neena and Mitch quickly discover how tangled their emotions can become. And the only way to banish the monsters that haunt them is to do the one thing they fear most. Become vulnerable—to each other.
Warning: This title contains a hot nekkid calendar boy shoot, heroic rescues, explicit, multiple orgasmic sex, and graphic language.
Enjoy the following excerpt for Close Quarters: She undid the first button of her utilitarian, short-sleeved white blouse. She slipped a hand through her hair. It had started to slide from the artfully arranged bundle at the back of her head. She removed the brown clip from her hair and her wavy strands fell about her shoulders. She felt his stare and dared look up. Undeniable male appreciation sparked in those mysterious eyes, smoldering with sexual interest. Hunger. Shocked, she allowed her mouth to drop open, her gaze locked with his as an unexpected response tumbled and built within. She didn’t expect him to be interested, number one. Number two, the tight heat coiling in her stomach, the way her nipples beaded against her bra…oh, boy. Not what she expected either. Now was so not the time to get aroused. Neena hastened to speak, to say anything to block her unwanted and unexpected response. “And I have to thank you. You kept that creep from taking me with him.” “You’re welcome.” He sighed, the sound long and weary. “I vowed I wouldn’t be around this shit anymore and now here it is.” “What shit?” He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s a long story.” “Come on, you can’t leave me hanging.” “Don’t worry, I’m not a criminal.” “I know.” “How could you know?” “I…I just know.” “Humph.” “Do you want me to think you’re a criminal?” “Hell, no. Look, I don’t like violence.” “Who does?” “Believe me, there are people who eat it like candy.” “You mean like in books and movies?” “No. That doesn’t bother me. It’s not real.” Disturbed on a fundamental level, she backed off. Maybe, for once, her instincts were wrong. Maybe he lied and he did like violence. And she was caught in here with him. No. Her instincts had rarely proved her incorrect. After another long pause assailed them, she said, “If we’re going to stay here forever, I guess we should make conversation.” “About what?” “Well, first, we don’t know each other’s names.” She held out her hand. “I’m Neena Williamson.” He clasped her hand in his warm, large grip. His eyes held genuine curiosity and a probing intensity that stirred unidentified insecurities inside her. “Pleased to meet you Neena. I’m Mitch Gilroy.” Mitch. Well, the name certainly fit. Tall. Strong. She hadn’t expected the name or the strength. Even in high heels, her five-foot-eight didn’t top his height—he was easily six- foot-three. When he’d held her all along his body, she’d felt his potential, a tensile strength. Another point shifted within as Neena allowed her mind to open. Whether she wanted to admit it or now, she found Handyman attractive. Mitch wiped his forearm over his forehead. “It’s hot in here.” She wanted to unfasten one more button, but thought the better of it. “That’s for certain.” “Since we’re stuck here, tell me this…what brings you to the coffee shop?” “Stress. I work in the mayor’s office. I’m his executive assistant. Since he’s up for reelection soon, things have gotten a little…hairy.” He nodded, his gaze assessing once more. “I can understand why. He’s not too popular these days.” She couldn’t say too much, though part of her wanted to express, with perfect vehemence, how much she disliked the mayor. “I’m looking for a lower stress job.” “Good idea.” He lowered his legs and sprawled them in perfect male abandon. “Most people worry too much.” “Including you?” He grunted. “Me? Never.” “Never?” She was incredulous. “Everyone has worries. It’s un-American not to worry.” He shrugged. “With the exception of tonight, I’ve had low stress for almost two years.” “And before that you had a lot of stress?” “Yep. More than a lifetime worth.” “You live out in Slanta Forest. That’s a beautiful and tranquil place. I wouldn’t mind living there. It’s so lush and the high altitude is fresh. I really like it.” “Yeah, how did you know I live there?” Suspicion laced his voice, and when she took a chance and looked into his eyes, she saw it there as well. “I’ve lived in Clarksville almost ten years. I hear things. Don’t worry. I’m not some sort of mad stalker.” One of his brows quirked. “Uh-huh. So you didn’t know my name, but you knew where I lived?” She shifted on the hard floor, none too comfortable physically or mentally. “My friend Kat who was sitting with me in the booth told me. She’s in real estate.” He leaned his head back against the wall again, and a strand of almost black hair fell over his forehead. “What else did she tell you about me?” “What makes you think she told me anything else?” His gaze hardened, all sign of the temperate side lost. He looked unrelenting. A granite stonework determined to learn answers. “Why were you talking about me in the first place?” She swallowed hard, an odd embarrassment making her hesitate. “Because she said you might make a good model for the charity calendar I’m doing.” Incredulity marched over his face. “What?” “You know…I mentioned that I’d walked up to Jacob and introduced myself and told him about the charity calendar and asked if he’d like to be in it.” “I remember.” The lie rushed out so fast Neena didn’t have time to formulate a background for her fib. “I told Kat you wouldn’t be interested.” He smirked, then big amusement curved his lips and made him something she hadn’t expected yet again…devilishly handsome. His eyes sparked with humor, his nose was a patrician haughtiness, his mouth carved to perfection. Yet his jaw, cut raw and tough, shattered any ideas that he might qualify as a pretty boy. “What makes you think I wouldn’t be interested?” From the twinkle in his eyes, Neena couldn’t tell if Mitch was teasing her. She glanced at his supremely baggy shirt and his pants and fumbled for a reasonable answer. “Well…the men we pick have to have a certain look.” He slowly rose to his feet and stared down at her. “Pretty boys?” “Most women are attracted to the tough, rugged types on these calendars. You know, cops, firefighters, construction workers—” “Soldiers?” “Sometimes.” “I do construction when it suits me.” She stayed silent, not sure what to say next. “You’re the be-all-and-end-all of the project and say who qualifies?” he asked. “Yes. I’m amazed at how much time it’s taking to set it up.” He crossed his arms. He had nice forearms, lightly dusted with dark hair. Very nice forearms. “You’re the photographer, too?” “No. We have a photographer lined up, though. I’m just the chairperson for the charity and said I’d volunteer to find the men. I locate guys who have good form.” “What if you pick someone who hasn’t got good form?” She crossed her arms, mimicking him in stance deliberately. It seemed right and defensible. “I’m a woman. I know a good-looking man when I see one.” “Women’s tastes don’t vary?” “Of course.” Exasperation colored her voice. “But…God, I can’t believe we’re even talking about this at a time like this.” “What should we be talking about? World peace?” She wrinkled her nose. “Now you’re being sarcastic.” “Yeah. I am.” The challenge in his voice stimulated her in a way she didn’t wish to acknowledge. She’d rarely liked sparing with a man verbally, but Mitch made her want to wrestle him to be right. A weird excitement danced in her belly, vibrating outward until she couldn’t tell if it was leftover fear from the robbery or if this man somehow created this feeling within her. Ludicrous. For a moment her imagination went wacky, and she visualized rolling over and over with him on a plush bed with lots of pillows. Naked. Heat rose inside her at the silly thought. As if.
He wasn’t part of her balance sheet. But one week in his bed could tip the scales.
Since she could pick up a pencil, Belle Taylor has used lists and charts to map out her life. When she achieves a goal, she marks it off her to do list. Simple. But now, just steps away from her corner-office, name-on-the-letterhead goal, she realizes that the life she thought she wanted may come at too high a price. Exhausted, she retreats home for Christmas vacation to rethink her life, complete with all-new lists. What she hadn’t expected is Rafe Bettencourt, her brother’s best friend, the man who she thought only saw her as a pesky younger sister. But when he kisses her under the mistletoe, Belle finds herself with a whole new set of goals to balance with what she thought she always wanted. Rafe knows Belle is trying to figure out what to do with her life. He also knows he’s done loving her from afar, and he’s not beneath making it as hard as possible for her to choose to return to San Francisco. Because Rafe can make to-do lists too—and his plan is to seduce Belle back home where she belongs. At his side. And in his bed.
Warning, this title contains the following: Smokin’ hot monkey love and naughty wish fulfillment, a few words you wouldn’t say in your grandma’s presence.
Enjoy the following excerpt for To Do List: Belle let the heat of the alcohol settle into her, bringing a languid fluidity to her muscles. She sighed and looked at the man in bed with her. “You’re really gorgeous, you know that?” “I like it when you’ve been drinking, Belle.” He winked and she snorted. “Whatever. You were going to tell me why you’re suddenly interested in my bases after giving me sweaters for Christmas for the last dozen years.” He grabbed her ankle and yanked, pulling her down as he rolled on top of her. Wow, he was good. His mouth met hers, insistent, wet and hot. It was just the two of them, no worries about someone walking into the hallway. She let go of her control and gave in, sliding her hands up his arms, over his shoulders and into his hair. Soft, so soft and cool against her skin. Heat licked at her insides when his tongue confidently invaded her mouth. When he rolled his hips, she moved, wrapping one of her calves around his ass, opening herself to him and holding him in place. He broke the kiss, and looked into her face. “Just making sure you’re still with me. I think about your bases a lot. I have for several years now. I told myself it was stupid to give in but you taste too good to resist. You’re here, I’m here and we’re both adults who know and like each other.” “I’m still with you, although you’re not feeling me up or anything, which if I recall correctly, is part of the bases thing, right? And how long? God, you’ve wanted to kiss me and…” she shivered violently when he trailed fingertips up her belly, against her bare skin under her tee shirt, “…do that? You just kept it to yourself when I’ve like had the dirtiest fantasies ever about you?” He tweaked a nipple then as he appeared to have to make a lot of effort to breathe. “Christ, Belle, I can’t believe you just told me you had dirty fantasies about me.” He leaned down and sucked her nipple right through her tee shirt, leaving her no alternative but to hold on and enjoy it. “I do. I did. All the time. You have no idea how good you look. Or crap, maybe you do. Should we get under the sheets?” He laughed, breaking free of her nipple and looking at her again. “Honey, it’s killing you to muss these blankets isn’t it?” “Well, the coverlet will get wrinkled and…oh my…” She lost her ability to think when he reached between them, into the waistband of her loose cotton pants and stroked over her pussy through her panties. “You’re so wet and hot I can feel you through your panties.” “Fuck the coverlet. Let me touch you! Why do you keep moving away?” she demanded. “First things first. No fucking tonight. I want us to be totally sober when that happens so I can take my time and make you fuck drunk instead. I will make you come though because I have to see it. I’d invite you to sleep with me tonight but I have to be up at four-thirty and you need your rest. Tomorrow night you will tell me all your naughty fantasies though.” She blew out an exasperated sigh. “Whatever it takes to get you to let me touch you.” He laughed and she thought he’d never looked sexier. Rolling away a moment, he pulled off his jeans and shorts while she made quick work of her clothes too. When he turned back to her he groaned. “Belle, you’re beautiful. A glorious invitation to sin right there wrapped in velvety pale skin.” As he moved to touch her, they both gasped at the shock of pleasure from bare skin meeting bare skin. His mouth touched every part of her. The spot just below her ear, the hollow of her throat, the sensitive skin just beneath her breasts, her nipples, the backs of her knees. All the while, his hands touched wherever his mouth didn’t. But he wouldn’t let her do much other than receive pleasure. “No, Belle, if you touch me I won’t last. Please, let me love you.” A lock of hair fell over his forehead, obscuring his right eye. She managed a shaky nod, needing him so ridiculously bad she couldn’t speak. However, that was nothing compared to the way it felt when he slid down, between her thighs and shouldered them wide open. Belle watched, fascinated by the way he drew his tongue over the seam where thigh met body. He stopped, breathing her in and she knew somewhere in the back of her mind she should be embarrassed but all she felt was utterly turned on and wildly flattered by the possessive action. And then his mouth was on her pussy and she fell back against the pillows with a gurgled gasp of pleasure. Over and over, his tongue flicked, licked and teased every inch of her pussy until she thought she’d explode. Her nipples throbbed, her skin tingled, her toes pointed and still he drove her relentlessly higher. He devoured her with avarice, devastated her with the way he seemed to crave her cunt. No one had ever gone down on her like this. Finally, he drew her clit between his lips, gently scraping his teeth over it while at the same time sliding three fingers into her gate. It was too much and she lost it, falling hard into an incredibly intense orgasm.
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