Contents .

INTRODUCTION + V

PART I CORE CHARACTER TRAITS

Rule 1 Be Patient • 3

Rule 2 Be Brave • 9

Rule 3 Be Giving and Appreciative • 17

Rule 4 Be Open, Honest and Sincere + 23

Rule 5 Be Self-confident and Passionate! * 31

PART II ACTION PRINCIPLES

Action 1 Look the Part! * 43

Action 2 This is How You Talk! * 53

Action 3 Win Hearts • 61

Action 4 Touch! • 71

Action 5 Tell Her! • 81

PART III GENERAL KNOWLEDGE AND CONCLUSION

General Knowledge 1 Money and Other Influencing

Factors • 91

General Knowledge 2 Birds of a Feather Flock

Together and What Do Jerks

Know that We Don't? • 97

Conclusion: Practice and Ethics * 103

Jntroduction

There really isn't a single good source of advice which a guy can go to for matters of the heart, is there? You don't have agony aunt (uncle?) columns in men's magazines where a guy can write in and ask: "There's this cute girl I really like, but she doesn't know that I exist even though I sit next to her at work; what can I do?"

You can't run to your father (who's likely to give you a ton of fantasised bull or tell you the usual macho thing, or ask you to go and ask your mum). You can't ask your friends (who are likely to give you a ton of fantasised bull or tell you the usual macho thing, or ask you to go and ask your mum). The media will give you a warped sense of what you should do, and books just give you too much psychological mumbo jumbo.

So for many of us, when we see a girl we like, we just sort of ... well ... panic. If we are with friends, we will quickly think of some hopefully macho excuse, and not go up and talk to the girl. It works like this: your heart is pounding fast, your eyes are glued to her, you start to sweat - and you say, "Nah, she's not my type."

And then there are some of us who think we know what to do, and who would like others to think that we are old pros at the game, who would actually go up and talk to the girl (bravo!). But when we open our mouths, so much sexist nonsense comes out that we make the girl want to throw her drink in our face, or scratch our eyes out. Or both.

Let's face it, guys. Most of us are clueless when it comes to women. We see these gorgeous things in their high heels, miniskirts, skin-tight bustiers - bare back, bare midrift, bare

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THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

shoulders; red lips, glossy hair and sexy smile, and we ... just ... die. Our minds go blank, our throats run dry, and our legs can't move. (OK, one part of us stands at attention.) (Hey! You girls put this book down. You aren't supposed to be reading this. This is a frank, honest, guy-guy thing; come on!)

What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?

After hearing countless complaints from my women friends (if I was paid a buck for every time I heard one of them say, "Guys are so hopeless", I wouldn't have to work anymore), and after seeing so many of my guy friends get their eyes scratched out, I decided it was time to write the essential `Basics' book to seduction, and ways of winning a woman's heart.

What makes me an expert? Well, I'm not. A lot of advice in this book is culled from true experts who have succeeded in winning the woman of their dreams. A lot of advice and observations also come from women who have given their hearts to men who have swept them off their feet. I've learnt a lot of things along the way, and hey, if you're interested in `getting through to the other side', you'd do well to find out what I now know!

Seduction defined

Yes, sex is involved (that's to answer the question that popped right into your head when you saw the book), but it is the least important thing of all. Yes, least. And it does not even matter if it happens.

Hey, don't put the book down. Come on, give a guy a chance!

Seduction is about winning a woman completely. Winning her heart, her mind, her soul - everything. You will win her so completely, that, if you wanted it, she will give you her body willingly.

If you use your seductive powers right, you will develop wonderful relationships with women. You will make them feel appreciated for being women. They won't feel as if they are just your buddies, like your other guy friends. They will feel sexy when they are around you. All your women friends will have a special place in their hearts for you.

INTRODUCTION

And you will know that. And for an expert seducer, to know that is enough. He doesn't need to go to bed with the woman to prove that he has succeeded. All he has to do is to know that if he wanted to, he can cross that line any time. That's successful seduction.

Who this Loh i5 for

This book is for every guy who has ever loved a woman, and who is still looking for his one true love.

This book is for the sensitive man of the new millennium, whom many women would fall for, but who has been left on the shelf because he has been `Missing In Action'. And for the egotistical, chauvinistic brute with B.O. who is giving all of us guys a bad name.

This book is for the man, falling in love for the first time. It is for the too-anxious male admirer who cannot wait for all the good things to happen. And for the man who has been in a relationship for some time, and feels that there could be more.

This book is for girls to give to their boyfriends, wives to give to their husbands, parents to give to their children. It is for matchmaking agencies to issue as the standard manual to all male applicants. It is for newspapers to put on their recommended reading lists, and bookshops to build a mountain of a display with.

If you fit any of these descriptions, this book is for you!

Structure

There are three parts to this book. The first part deals with core character traits which must define the basis of who you are. The second part of the book talks about action principles, which are practical suggestions about what you can actually do. In the third part, I talk generally about things associated with seduction to provide you with more information to complete the picture.

OK; not to bore you with too many technical things - we are off. Brace yourself. You will realise that many of the things

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

which you thought were the right things to do actually are not. And you may cringe at some of the suggestions here. Also, most of you will not have a lot of experience following some of the instructions here, so it's going to seem weird the first few times you try.

But if you're tired of constantly seeing scum win the fair ladies in your life, it's time to grit your teeth, take a huge breath, and say, "Damn it, enough is enough. It's my turn now!"

If you've done that, well ... here we go!

Part I

Be Patient Patient

Patient

Ha! Surprised, aren't you? You thought you were going to learn things that would help you bed women at the snap of your fingers, weren't you? Well, it doesn't work that way. True seduction is an art, and it takes a lot of time to do it right. Anything that's worth anything usually does. Good food, fine wine, getting your Harley in shape.

A true artist is disdainful of anything that happens quickly. There would not be much thought put into it. There would be no agony, no inspiration, no delicate touch of sensitivity. Even if the end result from a quick work chances to be beautiful, the artist will not be proud of it, because he did not create it. He was simply lucky.

And `lucky' you will sometimes get if you are the indiscriminate sort who goes after anything in a skirt. Most guys I know who do this accept that, statistically, out of every ten women they approach, nine are likely to turn them down. They just live for the thrill of that one time.

If you are interested in that kind of thing, you don't need any skills. All you need is some presentable clothes, a really good hair gel, enough money to buy someone a drink, etc. If you are a handsome devil, or if you are dripping with money, your statistical average should be good. If you are plain looking

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

and have no money - well, you are still going to get lucky, but maybe you'll just hit one in a hundred!

Getting lucky from picking up girls is not what seduction is about. There is no craft there. These girls are looking for the same action you are, and when you approach the `right' girl, in economic terms, we say that you are able to achieve `a mutual coincidence of wants', and barter is transacted.

At the end of that trade, you would still hardly know the person, nor the other person, - you. And there is no sustainability. The next time you meet the same person, she may not be inclined to be with you again. The thrill she was after to be with someone new is gone (unless you are an Olympic athlete in bed - but that's a subject for other books, not this one).

Seduction is not about that. As I said in the introduction, it is about winning a woman totally - her heart, mind and soul. It's about getting to know her really well. Her deepest desires, her darkest secrets, her wildest fantasies. Her hopes, dreams, beliefs and fears. Once you know her that well, and she knows and feels that you do, then one light touch from you, a gesture as simple as holding her hand, can send waves of electricity through her body. This will send so much natural Dopamine into her brain that she achieves a high greater than sex or alcohol. And she will pine for you constantly to feel that high again and again.

And that takes time!

Wen to be Patient

When you first meet a girl to whom you are attracted (and you have plucked up the courage to speak to her and ask her out), you are going to be very anxious for all the good things to happen quickly. You can think of nothing but her, and you long to call her, to see her, to hold her, to kiss her.

This may cause you to make demands on her which she may not be ready for. She may feel that you are coming on

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RULE I i-,~> BE PATIENT

too strong. If you persist, you will put her off, and she will avoid you. That is likely to make you even more anxious, and to pester her. She will feel even more turned off, and a most unpleasant vicious cycle will start. It will end quickly too, when she loses all her patience and tells you never to call again.

So here, be patient! You have to give her time to get to know you, be comfortable with you, and learn to like you. You also need time to practise the skills in this book, and let her see what a master you are in treating a girl right!

If you are able to temper your anxiety and over-enthusiasm, you will give your lady love a more comfortable atmosphere to get to know you better. And if you do the things suggested in this book correctly, she will be eager to get to know you. At that time (and this book will tell you when that time is!) you can move in and razzle-dazzle her with the rest of your seduction skills!

Being patient also allows you time to get to know the girl. If you are able to rein in your initial excitement, you will be less likely to be so blinded by the superficial things about her that you do not see the other things which may be more important. If you succeed in winning her right from the beginning, and you make commitments to each other and all that, you may realise after a while that she really isn't right for you. And then you'll have a load of problems which you can live without.

So patience, besides helping you get the girl you like, also helps you stay out of trouble with girls whom you don't really like, but are just physically attracted to!

Other Situation]

Sometimes you meet a wonderful girl who will tell you clearly,

"I like you, I do. But I feel that you are coming on too strong.

Can we slow down a little"

If you let your pride get hurt and your ego speak, you are going to say something like, "If you don't want to go out with

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

me just say so. Don't play these games with me." If you do that then you would be doing a stupid thing. All she is asking for is some time, and you are throwing in a grenade and blowing everything to smithereens.

In today's world, the ladies are as busy as we are, and they have many commitments. Sometimes when you ask a girl out and she says "I'm busy", she could very well be just busy. She is not playing games. If you are able to graciously accept that (and contrary to conventional macho thinking, there is no indignity in accepting that someone can't go out with you when she is busy), and ask her again some other time, you would still have a pretty good chance.

If you try several times and she is busy all the time, you can very patiently tell her, "I think you are really nice and I would like to go out with you. Will you give me a chance?"

If she says, "I don't really want to go out on a date right now," which, translated, means that she doesn't want to go out with you, what do you do? You can be angry and slam the phone down, and be hurt, and say nasty things about her afterwards. Or you can be patient, and wait. Four months later, come back with renewed enthusiasm. Send her flowers, go to her office and ask her out in person; write her nice letters. She may feel differently after four months. My experience has been that most of the time, this is the case. But most of the time, the guy's ego has been so hurt that he cannot bring himself to talk to the girl again.

The expert seducer is a patient man. The rash impulsive man who is prone to anger and petty temper never gets the woman he wants.

More (complex Situation

There are so many complicated situations in real life.

• She has a boyfriend.

• She is so blinded by another man's power, riches, fame,

RULE 1 E~> BE PATIENT

talent and good looks that she doesn't realise that you exist.

• She is Venus incarnate, and she has 25 men falling over

themselves to ask her out.

• She feels she is not ready to just go with one guy.

• She's just got out of a very bad relationship.

• She's 1.8 metres tall and she doesn't like short men.

And so on. In all of these situations, patience is the key. No matter how charming, debonair, sensitive, humorous, or exciting you are, you are not going to win the lady over in a short time.

onclusion

I don't mean that you should wait senselessly for your lady love to come around. I am saying that you should constantly make your presence felt, but not make any demands on her until she is ready. Because you are constantly around, many things will happen at the subconscious level. She will get used to you being around. She will start to talk to you more and confide in you more. And if you are the one who is constantly there to reassure her and appreciate her, she will fall for you.

Psychology identifies what is referred to as the `exposure effect', which describes that we will grow to like something simply because we encounter it every day. For example, have you purchased a watch, a car, or a sculpture that you thought was ugly the first time you saw it? Did you, after a while of living with it, begin to think that it actually doesn't look so bad? Well, that's the exposure effect at work. If you can create a situation where you can meet her every day - like maybe go to work together - it would really move things along for you.

You may not bowl your lady love over at your first few meetings, but you need to stick around, and be patient with what you expect from her. And if you practise the rest of the

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

character traits and skills in this book correctly, she will come around.

And man, when she comes around, it will be so much more delicious because you have waited for so long!

8

Be shameless! There is no room for the faint-hearted in the business of seduction! You need a strong stomach, and balls!

OK, it is easier said than done. When we are in the presence of a woman we find attractive, our knees become weak and the pounding in our heads make thinking of intelligent things to say difficult. We may normally be suave, amiable chaps and great conversationalists, but in the presence of beauty, either gibber comes out or, for some strange reason, we put on an accent and say the most outrageous Hollywood lines.

Some of us are so afraid of speaking to women we are attracted to that we stay far away from them (and end up marrying women we are not attracted to because, passive cowards that we are, we are `caught' and `trapped' by these aggressive women).

Some of us are always waiting for the right time (and there are always such good reasons for why `now'). We could have the very inspiration of our nightly dreams go by us every day, and still we sit on our hands and do nothing. Until, alas, the situation is taken out of our hands and the motivation for our getting up every morning is won by some other guy. We look at this other guy and think, "I don't know what she sees in him. I'm better than him in every way."

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

So now it is time to be brave! And I am going to tell you how and when!

Now, in the game of seduction, courage is called for most definitely at the beginning, when you want to get to know the girl. It is also required when you are competing with others to win her heart. Let's deal with the first situation.

it toe Initial Meeting You Don t Dare

to Spear to Her Because ...

... You don't know What to Jay

By this, I mean that you actually do want to speak to the girl, but you do not know how to make conversation, and you are afraid of saying something stupid. For this, read the chapter `Talk!' for ideas on what to say. But what I want to emphasise here is that you can forget about the flashy Hollywood lines. You may think that you have to come up with the most impressive line in order to impress the girl, and you rack your brain for every clever pick-up line that you have ever heard. (One bad example: "You have to tell me your name, because last night in my dreams I could only call you `baby'!")

And you panic! You start to put so much pressure on yourself to come up with wonderful things to say that you become tense! And then either you are too paralysed to do anything, or you quickly blurt out the last line which was on your mind (usually the worst line).

A tense man trying to appear `smooth' is like a man with a full bladder stuck in a yoga meditation class. It doesn't work.

Being brave here doesn't mean that you have to overcome the tension and see your clever lines through. Being brave here means that you have to risk saying the most mundane lines; lines they taught you in kindergarten, such as, "Hi, how do you do?"; "Nice to meet you"; "My name is Michael, what's

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RULE 2 * BE BRAVE

yours?"; "Would you like to dance?"; "That's a very pretty watch, is it a Timex?"; or "Mind if I join you?" Believe me, these work! As long as you are comfortable saying it, you'll be OK. With these lines, you can get your foot in the door with few problems, and it puts the girl at ease too. She doesn't have to try and think of some clever retort to your witty lines.

What do you do after breaking the ice? Well, read the rest of this book!

Remember what you read in `Be Patient'? You learnt that you are not going to sweep the woman off her feet the first moment you speak to her. Forget the Hollywood scenes. To seduce a woman properly, a lot of effort and planning are involved. Don't expect too much from the first encounter. In fact, even if, like in Hollywood, the woman finds you so attractive that she throws herself at you, don't accept her affections (it'll drive her crazy and make you seem even more desirable).

So, that should bring the tension down a little, and make going up to speak to the girl a lot easier, right? All you want to do is to let her know that you exist, and then you can go. The next time you see her, she won't be a complete stranger and you will be able to talk more comfortably, and vice versa. If you two hit it off well the first time, arrange to meet another time. But, do not let there be a long lapse of time between encounters.

You are afraid the might find you boring

You are afraid that she will answer you in monosyllables, not look at you when you talk to her, and horrors, get up and leave while you are in mid-sentence.

Well, this problem is not so simple. Are you afraid that she might find you boring, or are you afraid that she (or any other girl) might find you boring? If you are a pretty self-confident guy and feel good about what you have done with your life, and if you come across this girl who dismisses you without really giving you a chance, then you will probably just shrug your shoulders and say, "You can't win them all", or "She's probably involved with someone" or "What's her problem?" You will realise that it has nothing to do with you. It's she

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

who doesn't want to speak, to you or anyone, so just leave her alone. If you are really attracted, read the signs early, accept them, and live to fight another day. The next time round, she may be more sociable.

Now if the situation is that you are afraid you might be boring to anyone you speak to, then read Chapter 5, `Be Selfconfident'. It is very important that you first like yourself.

Maybe, you don't know how to carry a conversation and you are afraid that you might dwell on boring topics. I've got good news for you. This is easy. In the chapter `Talk!', you'll realise why. Basically, talk to her about her. You'll be talking to her because you find her interesting and you want to know everything about her. You don't talk about yourself until she asks, and even then, talk sparingly. Now, she can't possibly find you boring for your finding her interesting, can she? She would be saying that she is boring.

If you do everything suggested in that chapter well, she will never find you boring. She will think that you are the only soul who really, truly understands her, and is able to appreciate the essence of who she is!

... You are afraid others will ridicule you if you laic

The question I'll ask you is this: fail in what? What is it that you set out to achieve in going up to talk to the girl? That she will laugh at your witty lines? That she will gaze at you starryeyed? That she will kiss you relentlessly, and let go of your hand reluctantly when you want to get back to your friends?

If you answered yes to any of those, slap yourself on the back of your head once. You are aiming too high! As I have already mentioned, you should just make yourself known and possibly try to get her number. If you achieve that, you should consider yourself successful. When you get back to your friends and they ask you, "Eh, how come you're back so soon; didn't get lucky?", you can confidently reply, "Please. A master takes time to do his work. You amateurs will never understand."

Remember this: you only fear because your expectations are too high. If you have simpler objectives, like the ones I set above, you'll find that the task is not so daunting. For those

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of you who've never done it before, the first time will be very difficult. You will probably have to take several deep breaths, (several gulps of beer?) before you give it a try.

If this is your first time, expect that you'll probably feel quite awkward, which will make her feel just a little uncomfortable. The thing to do is to keep it short, and live to fight another day. But congratulate yourself for finding the courage to speak up! When you're by yourself again, review your performance and think about how you might do it better next time. Slowly, you'll get the hang of it!

Now, let me get a little philosophical. When you're thinking of going up and speaking to someone, your mind will probably come up with a million reasons why you shouldn't. "The time is not right"; "There are too many people around"; "There might be a bit of food stuck between my front teeth."

But remember that your life will remain in the same old boring state if you don't do it. Remember that when you give up this opportunity, you might not get another, if you don't have the information (such as her number, or when she'll turn up next). Remember that when some other guy less worthy of her comes along and speaks to her, you're going to feel real pain! Remember that guys who don't pluck up enough courage to speak to girls they like may end up with someone they are not attracted to or none at all. Remember all this, take a couple of breaths, get off your butt and go!

Competing WA other] to W. her

Heart

Congratulations! This means that you actually did get off your butt and speak to her! After speaking to her, you discover that you are not the only one who finds her attractive; there's a Brad Pitt lookalike, and an Arnold Schwarzenegger musclealike interested in her as well.

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THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

If you've already read this book and used its techniques, you will be smiling to yourself and saying, "Ooh, I love it when there's competition", instead of staring at the floor thinking "maybe I should go stuff my face in a pie right now".

There are many ideas and philosophies in this book to help you win the woman of your dream. But they are all useless if you cannot muster enough courage to try them. So try. Think of it this way: you have very little to lose and everything to gain. You started without her, right? The worst it can get is that you end up without her, which is just where you were before. Now that's not too bad, is it? Even if you don't get the girl, if you were honest with yourself and able to perform an objective self-appraisal, you will have learnt a lot about trying to woo a woman. Remember that you learn more from one failure than from ten successes.

And there will be another girl down the road whom you'll like just as much. I promise. When she comes along, you will be a lot more prepared and a lot more experienced. You will be the one teaching all the other guys interested in her those important lessons in life!

So be brave, be brave, be brave! In doing what? Well, just about any silly thing your heart desires! Don't be afraid of breaking convention, of making a fool of yourself, of doing things you've never done before, especially those things which you know she likes.

Don't be afraid of what others think. You are attracted to someone, you are in love; there is no better state to be in. If you compromise, or constantly correct yourself and tell yourself to behave, mindful of others watching, afraid of their comments, then you diminish the experience. You will become a follower of the unseen, unwritten conventions of stuffy people, and you will miss the full extent of what a loving experience could be like.

"But I've never given flowers before in my life!" "But ... I don't know if I can tell the girl I like her, just like that." "But I don't know if I can tap dance in the rain in a tuxedo, singing the theme song from `The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air'. You protest. These are not things you are used to doing. These are extraordinary things to you. You will be afraid. And I do wish I could tell you that there is a sure-win formula to apply,

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but there isn't. You will be uncertain, you will panic, and you will want to run away and hide. But "it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all" as Lord Alfred Tennyson wrote. How your life will turn out depends on you.

Gave to Chase Women

`Jeez", you say, "Why do I have to do all that? Why can't women do the chasing? Why can't they come up to me and tell me that they like me? Why do they always expect me to make the move? I mean, this is an equal society, right? Men can court women, women should be able to court men as well, and spare some of us these troubles."

Well, forget all that `this world is equal' nonsense. In seduction, it is not only girls who expect us to do the chasing. We ourselves enjoy it more when we are the ones doing the chasing! We don't like to be pursued by girls. Somehow it just doesn't do it for us.

And girls are starting to realise this too. They can help us by signalling their interest by a smile across a crowded room and a cheeky wink. But they are not going to walk across that room to talk to you. You are expected to do the walking. That's the way the game is played. Those are the rules.

So forget all these `intellectual' justifications for not approaching the girl and speaking to her. Just do it!

Conclusion

In the game of seduction and courtship, how brave you are able to be depends on how well you are able to handle failure. If you have overblown perceptions of who you are and how

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

the opposite sex perceives you, then failure will be hard to swallow because you will be confronted with what you refuse to believe. You will rationalise the reasons why you failed, and you will not see your failings. And you won't learn.

If you have accurate perceptions, if you are humble, and you fail, it will still be hard; but I think you will be able to accept it a lot better, and also accept the notion that you had nothing when you began, so you haven't really lost. If you realised the flaw which caused you to lose, you will also be able to work on it and be better the next time round.

I leave you with this thought:

"It is infinitely more exciting to live a life of catastrophic failures, than a life of could haves, should haves and would haves."

So, is there a girl whom you have put off saying hello to? Well, dammit man, get a move on!

16

Be Giving and

Appreciative

I don't mean just flowers. No, no, I don't mean the material things either. OK, OK, I don't mean just the material things. (Will you girls get off my back?)

I mean be a giving person. Be generous with your time and effort, your ideas, your listening ear, your emotions, your care and your concern. Not just to your girl, but to everyone around you. A woman finds a giving man appealing. It makes her want to keep him for herself!

Giving avid Expecting a Return

"Should we expect some kind of return by being giving?" you

snigger, stroking your chin with your thumb and index finger. The answer is no. No. No.

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Don't expect any kind of return. Give because you want to give, because you enjoy giving, especially to this girl whom you like so much. Always be there for her. She needs to be so comfortable with you that you will be the first person she thinks of whenever she is in need. Of anything. She knows she can depend on you. How? And why? Because you are a giving person who does not want anything in return.

"But ... but ... for me to be a seducer, I want something; you know what I mean." Your left eyebrow rises. Yes, I know what you mean. And the only way you're going to get it is if you don't `buy' it from her. She'll have to give you willingly, from her heart. And not in return for all the things you've given her. Not out of gratitude, but out of love.

Let's be specific. Let's take flowers. Roses. When you give them, with a note that says "To the most beautiful girl that ever my eyes did see", do you do it so that she will fall for you, or because you are really happy that you know her and you are merely expressing your happiness by sending flowers? Think about that. For many of us we realise that it is usually the former. We do things during courtship so that the other person will like us back. In other words, we have an unconscious motive to `exchange' what we give for something in return.

This is evident in these all-too-familiar phrases that we hear when couples argue:

• "How can you do that to me after all that I have done

for you?"

• "I have given you everything, and you are not willing to

do this simple thing for me?"

• "Everytime we argue, I am the one who gives in. Can't

you just give in to me on this one?"

• "Everything I do, I do for you. How can you treat me

like this?"

And do you know what will happen when you say these things to the object of your desire? You'll get answers such as these:

• "I never asked you to give me those things."

• "Are you blackmailing me?"

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• "Give because you want to give, not because you want

me to give you something in return."

• "Am I supposed to feel guilty that you have done all this for me? I refuse to. You can have all your things back. I don't want them."

So give because you enjoy giving, and because you enjoy making her happy. Not because you want her to like you.

How Much to give?

Well, I've got good news for you. Not much.

In terms of material goods that is. Not for the true craft of seduction. You don't want her mouth to go "Ch-Ching" and dollar signs light up her eyes everytime she sees you. You don't want to buy her love. You want to win it.

If you ply her with too many material things, there will come a time when she will feel pressured to give something back. But if she feels that she is not ready to reciprocate, she will either refuse your gifts, or reject you in some other way. And you'll be stumped. You'll say that you enjoy giving and you don't want anything from her, but this won't work. She will start to refuse you.

This is because when you keep giving, there is a tendency for the other party to want to give in return. And when she feels she cannot, she will feel uncomfortable.

So if you've been giving a lot of material things (maybe because you don't know what else to do), STOP. That is not the right way to win a girl's heart.

Give of yourself Your time, your listening ear, your shoulder for her to cry on when she needs it. Give your understanding. You may not always understand why she feels a certain way, and you may not always agree with her, but when she is down and needs your support, you do not argue with her about logic or about right and wrong. You stand by her and support

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THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN

her. Let all the logic and the intellectual arguments slide. They are not important. She is.

And at that moment, when she needs you for emotional encouragement, you are important to her, and you want her to be able to feel you close and to receive your support.

That's being giving.

Be Appreciative

Another form of giving is being appreciative of your lady friend. When you pay her attention and tell her in many ways that you appreciate her, it is very seductive. While being giving in the manner I described previously is hard to do, being appreciative is relatively easier, as all it involves are words.

But most guys will rather put their army boots in their mouths then pay a compliment. And some, in their poor misguided attempts at humour, or in pure ignorance, even insult their dates!

"Your hair looks like my grandmother's. No really! It does!"

"Are you putting on a little weight? You should exercise more, you know."

"Eh, your skin quite oily ah? Do you have a lot of problems with pimples and blackheads?"

If you have been doing this, then you shouldn't be wondering why no girls want to go out with you. You are a real pain. Women like to be appreciated. They like to feel special. And they like a man who can make them feel that way; a special man who notices all that is beautiful about them, things no other man is sensitive enough to notice.

Here are some tips on how you can be that man.

Start by noticing her physical appearance. How does she dress? Her clothes, accessories, hairstyle, shoes, make-up; what is it that you like about them? What part of her body are you

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RULE 3 E~> BE GIVING AND APPRECIATIVE

most attracted to? Her eyes, lips, nose, skin, hair, ears, legs, breasts? Tell her. Tell her. Yes, even about her breasts.

Do not be crude in your compliments, or grudge her your praises. Do not compliment her breasts like this: "Wah, you've got big knockers, girl", or "Your breasts are nice, for a girl your size". This would only reflect badly upon yourself. Compliment her honestly and sincerely. You see something which you enjoy looking at, and you are telling her that you are appreciative of her for that fact. Say "You have beautiful eyes", while smiling (because you love her beautiful eyes) and looking into her eyes.

Now if you can make the girl feel comfortable with your compliments, with her knowing that you are simply admiring her, and that she doesn't need to reciprocate in any way, you can tell her about any part of her. Say "You know, you've got gorgeous breasts". Honestly, sincerely, simply, and smile appreciatively, not lecherously. And you will see her beam.

Remember that being giving means that you do not want anything in return. It is the same when you pay her compliments. You must not say them in the hope that they will help make her like you. This will pressure the girl to respond and she will not like that.

As you continue seeing each other, you will get to know her better. You can start to appreciate her personality. Is she kind-hearted, patient, creative, energetic, passionate, charitable? Tell her that she is wonderful because of these things, and that you like her for them. She will feel that you are her soul mate, the one who truly understands the essence of who she is.

There will be other guys around, friends maybe, who will insult your lady love in jest, as friends always do. You should never participate in that. Instead, you should be ready to defend your lady's honour if your friends get out of line. They may say that they are just kidding, but if you defend your lady, she will love you for it.

Also, keep a look out for opportunities to slip in compliments. A guy in the street staring at your lady? Don't say "Don't look! You want strange men to follow you, is it?" Say, "Have I told you you look gorgeous today? Everyone on the street is looking."

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