“I’venevergonehomewithsomeoneIjustmetbefore.”

Evansmiled.“I’mflattered.”

Shedidn’tsmilebackathim;shewasdeadserious.

“Iknowthataboutyou,Selena,”headded.“Icouldtell.Besides,youmentioneditaboutfortytimes
thatnight.”

Nowherlipsdidcurveupwardslightly.“SoIdid.Sorryaboutthat.”

“Noneedtoapologize.Thenightwas…agoodone.Verygood.Butyoumustn’tthinkso,theway
you’reacting.”

“It…wasn’tabadnightatall.”Frowning,shestumbledoverwhattosaynext.

“Tellmewhat’sbotheringyou.”Thetendernessinhiswords,hisactions,struckherhard,andshesat
thereinsilence,fightingbacksudden,embarrassingtears.

Hedidn’thaveanyinklinghowhislifewasgoingtochange.Shewishedshecouldpreparehim
somehow.Really,shedid.Easehimintothetruth.

Shetookadeep,shakybreathandclosedhereyes.“I’mpregnant.”

DearReader,

FearseemstobearecurringthemeinthebooksI’vewrittensofar:fearofloss,risk,commitment,
change,love.InALittleConsequence,SelenaJarboe’slifeisruledbythefearoflosingthoseshe
loves—withgoodreason.She’sexperiencedheartbreakinglossinthepast.

Inanefforttorunawayfromherfear,shelandsinthearmsofEvanDrake,firefighter,charmer,
ladies’man.Amanwhoplaceshimselfindangereverytimehegoesonduty.Andthat’sariskSelena
can’tlivewith.Orsoshethinks.

Butsometimesconsequenceshaveawayofsteeringlifeinatotallydifferentdirectionfromwhatwe
expect….

IhopeyouenjoyreadingSelenaandEvan’sroadtoovercomingwhatscaresthemmostandwatching
themendupwithwhattheyneedmorethananything.

FormoreinformationonthisbookorothersinTHETEXASFIREFIGHTERSseries,pleasevisitmy
Websiteatwww.amyknupp.com,[e-mail].

ThanksforpickingupALittleConsequence!

AmyKnupp

ALittleConsequence

AmyKnupp

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

AmyKnupplivesinWisconsinwithherhusband,twolittleconsequences,er,sons,andfive(feline)
beasts.ShegraduatedfromtheUniversityofKansaswithdegreesinFrenchandjournalismandfeels
luckytouseverylittleofeitheroneinherwritingcareer.Inhersparetime,sheenjoysreading,
collegebasketball,addictivecomputergamesandwatchingbigredfiretrucksraceby.Tolearnmore
aboutAmyandherstories,visitwww.amyknupp.com.

BooksbyAmyKnupp

HARLEQUINSUPERROMANCE
1342—UNEXPECTEDCOMPLICATION
1402—THEBOYNEXTDOOR
1463—DOCTORINHERHOUSE
1537—THESECRETSHEKEPT
1646—PLAYINGWITHFIRE

*

Athank-youagaingoesouttotheretiredfirefighterwhoprovidedsomuchinformationforthisand

theotherbooksintheseries.Hedeservesamedalforhispatiencewithmymanyquestionsandwhat-

ifs.

ThankyoutoRachelleGrace,forlast-minutebar/pick-uplinebrainstorminghelp…andforgenerally

beingoneofthebestfriendsagirlcouldhave.

Thankyou,asalways,tomyfamily…Justin,Camden,Colton,MomandDad,foryourpatience,

supportandlove.

Andfinally,thankyoutoVictoria,whohasaknackfordiggingthroughthepagesIturninand

pullingoutthebest…andthenmakingmerewritetherest.Shestrivestopullthebeststorypossible

outofmeeverysingletime,andforthat,I’mgrateful.

CONTENTS

CHAPTERONE

CHAPTERTWO

CHAPTERTHREE

CHAPTERFOUR

CHAPTERFIVE

CHAPTERSIX

CHAPTERSEVEN

CHAPTEREIGHT

CHAPTERNINE

CHAPTERTEN

CHAPTERELEVEN

CHAPTERTWELVE

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

CHAPTERNINETEEN

CHAPTERTWENTY

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

EPILOGUE

CHAPTERONE

S

ELENA

J

ARBOEHADBEEN

onsomekindofamissionallday.

She’dbeenonamissionwhenshe’dstormedthroughthebeachhouse,scrubbingandcleaning

everythinginsight,gettingridofinch-thickdust,cobwebsanddirt.

She’dbeenonamissionafterwardwhenshe’dshowered,slippedonherflirtyblack-and-silver

baby-dolldress,hercroppedcardiganandherkillerfour-inchheels.Likewisewhenshe’dgivenher
hairtherightamountoflong,loosecurlstodrapedownherbackandoverhershouldersjustso.

Despiteallthepreparations,shehadn’tknownwhat,exactly,hermissionwasuntilshesawhim.
Itwaslaughinglycliché,buttheireyesmetacrosstheroom,and,yes,itwascrowded.Hestood

inagroupnearthefarwall,whichwasn’tfaratallconsideringthecozysmallnessofthebar.Hewas
severalinchestallerthanthepeoplehewaswith.Darkhaired,eyesthatglimmeredwithhumor.Anda
penetratingglancethatsaidhenotonlysawherbutnoticedherindetail.Hewasthekindofmanwho
madeeverythingseemallbetter.

IfevertherewasatimeSelenaneededeverythingtobeallbetter,itwasnow.Tonight.
Shemovedfartherintothelittlebeachshackbar—theShellShack,thesignsaidinanunevenbut

appropriatefont—workingherwaytoanemptystoolattheendofthemaincounter.Shefelthiseyes
onherandwhenshesatdown,shelookedagain.Justforamoment,longenoughtosmileandfeelthe
kickstartofherbloodwhenshefoundhewas,indeed,smilingatheragain,too.

Selenashiveredandturnedherattentiontothebartender,who’djustaskedwhathecouldgether.
“Sandblastersaretwobuckstonight.Keepthecupasasouvenir,”theheavysetmanwithmore

haironhischinthanhisheadsaid.

Selenashrugged.“Mightaswell.”
Shestartedtowonderatherchoiceasshewatchedhimmixit,countedeightdifferenttypesof

alcoholbeingpouredintotheoversizeplasticcupwiththecartoonturtleonit.Thenshethoughtabout
herinfuriatingmotherbackinBoston.HerstubbornbrotheronhiswaytoAfghanistanorwhoknew
where.

“Bringiton,”shemutteredwhentheguysetitinfrontofherandtookhercash.
Selenatookaswigandtriednottogrimace.Normallyshestucktowinewhensheandher

friendswentoutinBoston,butthiswasn’ttheEastCoastanditwasn’tawinenight.Winewasn’tpart
ofhermission.

Eightkindsofliquorwasagoodstarttowhatshewasshootingfor.
Hereyesautomaticallycheckedforthetall,sexy,dark-hairedmanagain,andhershoulders

droppedwhensherealizedhewasgone.

Sheswiveledpartwayaroundonherstoolasshesippedfromherstraw,actingasifshewas

searchingforsomeonesheknew.Shewassearching,allright,butshedidn’tknowhim.Yet.

Theinteriorofthelittlebarwaspacked,andbetweenallthepeopleandthetwotorch-style

heaters,theairinsidewaswarmandhumidinspiteoftheopendoorways.Thick,clearplastickeptthe
chillyOctoberTexasnightout.AnoutdoorpatiostretchedtoSelena’sleft,buttherewereonlyafew
groupsofbraverevelerssprinkledatsomeofthetables.

Shescannedtheinsidecrowdagain,waitingforsomeonetotakeherbreathawayashersexy

strangerhad.Therewereplentyofmenhere,lotsofgood-lookingones,butsofar,nooneelsesent
herpulseracing.Ifshewasgoingtodosomethingstupidlybrazen,mightaswellsaveitforsomeone
whotookherbreathaway.

Assheturnedbacktowardthecounter,amanoldenoughtobeherlatefatherandwideenough

tobethreeofherfathersleeredather,shootingherahungry,gold-toothedsmile.Selenashuddered.

Whatintheworldwasshedoing?
Shewasn’tthekindofgirltogotoabaralone,ever.Ifshewasn’toutforagoodtimewithher

girlfriends,shewasn’tout,period.Andtoeventhinkabouttalkingtoamanshe’dnevermetjust
becausehehadacertainallureandalookinhiseyethatdrewherin?She’dcompletelylosthermind.

No,shehadn’t,actually.Herfamilyhad.Everytimeshethoughtaboutthem,everythinginside

herknottedup,coiledlikeapredatorysnake,asifsomethingneededtogive,andgivesoon.

Heatspreadacrosstherightsideofherbodysuddenly,andsheknewbeforeshelookedthathe

wasstandingthere.Themanwiththesexysmile.

Shelookedupathimslowly,takinginhisthickchest,thecordsofmusclealonghisneck,the

hintofmoistureonhissensuallips.Finallymeetinghiscornflower-blueeyesthat,yes,definitelyheld
asparkofamusement.Cockiness.Interest.

“Hi,”shesaid,soquietlyhecouldprobablybarelyhearheroverthecrowd.
“Hi.”Hesaiditintoherearandsheshivered.
Timetosaysomethingwitty,shethought,searchinghermind.Ifyou’regoingtobereckless,

mightaswellgoallout.

Sheliftedhercupandtookadrink.Whenshesetitdown,shenoticedshe’ddrunkhalfofitand

wasalreadyfeelingtheeffectsoftheliquor.

“So,”shesaid,flashinghimasmilethatwasalotmoreconfidentthanshefelt.“Areyouthe

half-fullorhalf-emptykindofguy?”

God,Selena.Thatwaslame.
Butthewayhelookedathersetsomethinginsideheronfireanditnolongermatteredhow

dumbshesoundedtoherself.

“Rightnow?Withyousmilingatme?I’mthinkingthree-quartersfull,”hesaid.
“Wehavesomethingincommon,then.”
“Atleastonething,”hesaid,andpassionfilledhiseyes,therimofblueshrinkingashispupils

expanded.“Notabadpickupline.MindifIuseitsometime?”

“Aslongasyoudon’ttrytouseitonme.”
“WouldIneedto?”Hisvoicewentgravelly,somehowmoreintimateeventhoughtheywereina

crowd.Heleanedhiselbowonthebar,bringinghimclosertoher,nearenoughthatshecaughthis
scent—spiceandbeermixedwithone-hundred-percentred-bloodedmale.

Thisclose,shecouldseeeverynuanceofhisskin,sunroughened,stilltanned,recentlyshaved.

Herfingersitchedtotouchhisfaceandsheimaginedwhatitwouldfeellike.Sandpapery.Strong.
Warm.

“NormallyIpreferstraightforwardtogames,”shesaid.
Withhim,shewasn’tsureitmattered.Sheeasedincloser.Hiseyesdidn’tleavehersandher

heartthundered.Herthoughtschangedfromwasshereallygoingtodothis?tohowcouldshegethim
alone?Soshecouldtouchhim.Lethimtouchher,everywhere,fillallhersenseswithhim.Makeher
forgeteverythingelse.“Normally?”

Selenalaughed.Therewasnothingnormalaboutthissituationandheseemedtounderstandthat.

“Generally.”

“Icandostraightforward.”HebrushedalockofhairoffhercheekandSelenaturnedtowardthe

contact.Shehadtowillherselfnottopressherlipstohispalm….

“I’vegotthisreallygreatbeachoutside,”hesaid.“Wouldyouliketoseeit?Sowecanbe

straightforward?”

Ashiverofanticipationwentthroughherandaphysicalachepulseddeepinside.Shenodded,

tookafinallongswigofcourageandstood,happilyleavinghersouvenircupbehind.

“Thatwaskindofatripleline,”shetoldhimashewrappedherhandinhisandgesturedforher

togofirst.

“DoIgettriplepoints?”
Shewaiteduntiltheysteppedoutsidetheloudinterior.“Normallylinescountagainstaguy.”
“There’sthatword‘normally’again.Doyou‘normally’leavewithaguyyou’vebeentalkingto

forlessthantenminutes?”

“No.Doyou?”
“Idon’tnormallyleavewithaguyever.”
“Goodtoknow.”
Theywentdowntheconcretestepstothesandandturnedsouth.Shepausedlongenoughtoslip

herheelsoff.

“Sowhyareyouhere?Withme?”heasked.“Straightforwardanswer.”
Insteadofreplying,shestoppedandfacedhim.Themoonwasaslendercrescentbehindhimand

thewavesfilledthenightwiththeirincessantroarthatseemedtoinsulatethemfromtherestofthe
world.Asshepeeredupintohislightblueeyes,shefeltaninvisiblecurrentbetweenthem.Itmade
herhearttripoveritselfandherinsidesturntoliquid.

Theirhandswerestillentwined.Aslowsmilespreadacrosshisfaceandheloweredhishead.

Selenastoodontiptoe,droppedhershoesand,withherotherhandonthebackofhishead,pulledhim
towardher.Justbeforetheykissedshepaused.

“What’syourname?”shewhispered.
Hechuckled,ahuskysoundinhisthroat.“Evan.”
“Evan,”sherepeated.“I’mSelena.Nicetomeetyou.”
Theybothmovedintothekissatthesametime,closingthespacebetweenthemasifnames

couldn’tmatterless.

Hepulledherbodyintohisandslidhislargehandsdownherback,theheatofhimignitingher

likenomaneverhad.Herresponsewaselemental,almostprimitive.Shefelthishardnessagainsther
abdomenandwantedhimalltoherself,alone.

Assoonaspossible.

E

VAN

D

RAKEHADNEVER

metawomanlikeSelenabefore—andhe’dmetalotofwomeninhistwenty-

nineyears.Helikedtothinkhecouldreadthemwell,especiallythesignalstheysent,eitherpurposely
ornot,inbars.Selenadidn’tfitintoanyofthecategories,though,asfarashecouldguess.Shewasn’t
inthehabitofpickingupmenlikethis,ofthathewassure.Whenshe’dfirstspokentohim,her
nerveshadshownthrough,asifshe’dhadtourgeherselftospeakatall.

Shecameacrossaswittyandintelligent,notatalldesperateorneedy.Althoughrightnowshe

wasmakingnosecretthatsheneededhimphysically,andfrankly,hewasrighttherewithher.

Hewasnoangel,notunaccustomedtobringingwomenhedidn’tknowwelltohisbed,but

somethingaboutthisgirllithimonfirelikeneverbefore.Maybeitwasthathesuspectedshedidn’t
dothisoftenifatall.Thatshe’dchosenhim.

Hell,whogavearat’sleftnutaboutthewhysorthehowswhenyouhadawomanlikeSelenain

yourarms.

“Myplaceisacoupleblocksaway,”hesaid,theirbodiesstillaligned,stillteasingateach

other ’smouths.

Shenoddedandkissedhimagainand,sweartoGod,ifhedidn’tgetherhomeinthenextthirty

secondstheyweregoingtomakeaspectacleofthemselves.

“Let’sgo.”Hisvoicewasrough,asifhe’dswallowedamouthfulofsand.Hetookherhandand

pulledhergentlyinthedirectionofhisapartment.

CHAPTERTWO

“F

IGUREDYOU’D

stillbeinbed,”ClayMarlowsaidwhenEvanemergedfromhisbedroomthenext

morning.“Sleepingforachange.”Theamusementonhisroommate’sfacetoldEvanheandSelena
hadmadetoomuchnoise.Allnight.

“Whattimedidyoucomehome?”Evanasked,rubbinghiseyes.
“IsawyouleavetheShackwithher.Istayedtillthebarclosed.ThenIwentforarunaboutfour

inthemorning.Spiedhersneakingacrosstheparkinglotjustafterfive.”

“Sorry,man.Didn’tmeanforour…uh…didn’tmeantodriveyouawayfromtheapartment.”
Claylaughedgood-naturedly.“Likehell.Whyaren’tyouasleepnow?”
“Goingtolookataboat.”Evanwentintothekitchenandrummagedaroundforsomethingto

eat.Hewasn’tabreakfastguy,buthe’dburnedoffsomeseriousenergyoverthecourseofthenight
andwasravenous.

“Byyourself?”Clayasked,pouringcoffeefromthecoffeemakerintoamugandstickingitinto

themicrowave.

“WithChiefPeligni.GoinguptoCorpus.”Evanopenedeverycupboard,lookingforanything

edible.“Weneedtobuysomefood.”

Claytookhismugout,swallowedagulpandfrowned.“Coffee,too.Thisisyesterday’s.What

kindofboatdidyoufind?”

“MarineTrader…eighty-seven.Oneowner,guywho’sbabiedit.Igatherit’skillinghimtosellit

buthishealthisfailingandhiswifeisforcingtheissue.”

“Soundspromising.Youthinkingseriouslyaboutbuyingit?”
“Ifit’sasgoodasitseems,I’llhaveitoutontheGulfbeforetheendoftheyear.”
“Finallygotthemoney?”
“IfIcangethimdownabouttengrand,Ihaveenoughforthedownpayment.”He’dbeensaving

foryearsforhisowntrawleryachtandtherewardwassoclosehecouldtasteit.Hefoundahalf-
smashedgranolabarontopofthefridgeandopenedthewrapper.

“Hopeitworksout,”Claysaid.“Sothegirlfromlastnight…”
“Yeah?”Evan’smindwanderedtoSelena’ssmooth,milkyskin,hersoft,perfectcurves,theway

herglossyhairhaddrapedoverhischest.Theyhadn’tsleptatall,andyet,hewantedherstill.
Doubtedhecouldevergetenoughofher…

“Yougoingtoseeheragain?”
Evanbitofftheuncrushedendofhisgranolabarandchewed,eyeingClay.“Why?Yougota

thingforher?”

“Don’tneedyourrejects,thanks.”
“WhosaidIrejectedher?”
“You’resuretestytoday.”
“Didn’tsleepmuch.”
Claychuckledagain.“Trustme,Iknow.”HestudiedEvanbetweenswigsofleftovercoffee.“Did

yougethernumberorwhat?Whyareyouholdingout?”

“I’mnotholdingout,man.”Evanleanedhisheadbackanddumpedtheremainingcrumbs—half

thebar—fromthewrapperintohismouth,wishinglikehellClaywouldlosethisnosyinterestinhis
sexlife.Hetookafewstepstowardthelivingroomandback.“Itriedmorethanonce.Believeme,I’d
verymuchliketoseeheragain.”HecrumpledthewrapperintoatightballandmetClay’sstarehead-

on.“Sherefusedtogivemehernumber.”

Hethrewthewrapperonthecounterandstrodeoutoftheapartment.

I

TWASAFTERTWO

intheafternoonwhenSelenadraggedhertired,sorebodyoutofbed.Sorebut

sated,shethoughtwithawickedgrin.

She’dgoneoutofherever-lovingmindlastnight.Hadbecomeadifferentperson.Onethathad

aheckofalotmorefunthanher.

Hersmilefadedasthoughtsofherfamilyfloodedher.Unfortunately,herrecklessnighthadn’t

doneanythingtodullthepain,thefear.

Shetookaquickshowerthenheadedtothekitchenforfood.Ordrink,rather,sinceshehadn’t

boughtgroceriesyet.Settlingforacanofrootbeer,shewenttotheunlitfireplaceinthelivingarea
andsatonthehearth.

Whenherdadhadhadthisplacebuilt,he’dbeentoldhewouldn’tneedafireplace.Thiswasthe

beach.SouthernTexas.Butherfatherhadlovedacracklingfireandstubbornlyinsistedonit.He’d
hadtoconvincehermother,too.She’darguedforagaslog,becausewood-burningfireplaceswere
morework.Herdadhadprevailed,though,sincethishousewashisdomain.Hermotherhadgotten
herwayontheNantucketproperty.

Selenatracedherfingeralongtherectangularperimeterofthefireplace,thenpulledbackthe

wiremeshcurtain.Theinnerconcretewallswerecharredfromuse.Sheleanedagainstthewallnext
toitandclosedhereyes,feelingsoclosetoherdadrightnowitmadeherchesttight.

Whenshewasaboutten,herfamilyhadflowndownafterChristmas,beforeschoolstartedup

again.Everyevening,thefourofthem—herdad,brother,motherandherself—wouldstayupmuch
laterthanshewasusuallyallowed,sittingonthefloorinfrontofthefireplace,playingdominoes.
Theirversionwasnosedate,politegame—itwashighstakesforbraggingrights,alwaysaboisterous
affair.Thoseweresomeofthehappiestmemoriesofherchildhood,backbeforeherdaddiedandthe
familybondshaddiedwithhim.

Selenastoodandwanderedtothetallpineentertainmentcenter.Shepulledoutthewidedrawer,

wigglingitjustsotogetitunstuck.Tearsunexpectedlyfilledhereyeswhenshesawit—thehand-
stitchedclothbagofdominoes.

Shecarrieditbacktothehearth,satontheceramictilefloorinfrontofitanddumpedthe

dominoesoutwithaclatter.Onebyone,shestoodtheivorypiecesonendinawavylinealmost
withoutthought,andagain,shewascarriedbacktoyearswhenherdadwasstillliving.

Itwasadifferenttrip,thattimeinthesummer,arainyafternoon.Hermomhadbeensitting

quietlyonthesofawatchingthethreeofthemwiththedominoes,contenttobetherewithherfamily
eventhoughshewasn’tpartoftheaction.Selenaoftenwonderedifthatcontentwomanstillexisted
somewhereinsidehermom.Shehadn’tseensignsofitsinceherdadwaskilledonanFBI
assignment.

Theyhadn’tbeenbacktothishousesince.Ithadbeenhisfavoriteplaceandhispresence,his

personality,wasdiscernibleineverysingleroom.Thiswastheonlyplacewherehermemories
hadn’tbeensoiledbytheCambridge-Jarboediscordsincethey’dbecomethreeinsteadoffour—
unlikethemainhouseandtheNantuckethousetheyvisitedeachsummer.

Whenthedominotrainhadcrashed,shepickedupthepieces,stackingseveralatatime,and

droppedthemintothebag.

Enoughmoping.Sheneededfood,andalittleshoppingpick-me-up.Anythingtogethermind

offthefamilyshe’dwalkedawayfrom.

A

CCESSDENIED.

TheautomatedtellermachineseemedtoscreamatSelena.Sheglancedbehindhertoseeif

anyonewascloseenoughtonoticeshewashavingdifficulties.

Againshepunchedinthepersonalidentificationnumbershe’dbeenusingforthepast,oh,

twelveyearsorsotoaccessherallottedpartofthebottomlessCambridge-Jarboebankaccount.

Tryingthenumberathirdtimedidn’tmakeadifference.Rejectionwasrejection.
Hermotherhadcutheroff.
“Dammit.”Shepunctuatedthecursebyhittingthemachine.
“Thanks,Mom,”shemuttered,smackingthebuttontocancelthetransactionwhenwhatshe

reallywantedtodowaspoundaholethroughtheATMwithherfist.

Shehadexactly$423.07leftofthecashshe’dtakenwithherwhenshe’dfledBoston.Hadshe

knownthiswouldhappen,shewould’vebeenalotmorecarefulwithhermoney.Now,unfamiliar
panicpumpedthroughher.Whatdidsheknowaboutstretchingherdollars?

Sherubbedherupperarmsandshivered,thengrittedherteeth.
Okay,then.
She’dbeentheonetowalkawayfromherfamily.Hadpromisedherselfshe’dbeallrightonher

own.Andshewould.Somehow.

HermothermightbelaughingathernowfromtheCambridge-Jarboeestate,butSelenawasn’t

abouttogocrawlingback.

Sheshould’veguessedhermotherwouldcutheroff.ClaraCambridge-Jarboe—don’tyoudare

forgettheCambridge—hadbecomethetypetousemoneytoheradvantage.Selenasupposedshe
herselfhadbeenaperpetualvictimwithoutreallythinkingaboutit,sinceshelivedoffhermother ’s
money.Themonthlypaycheckhadneverbeenaboneofcontentionbetweenthem.Rather,Selena
suspecteditmadehermotherfeelimportantandneededand,yes,superior,tohaveherdaughter
dependentonher.Inhermother ’smind,itwasmonthlyconfirmationthatshewasright—artwasan
impractical,uselesspursuitforacareer.

TheridiculousthingwasthatClarahadneverearnedapennyofthefamilymoneyherself.Her

family’swealthdatedbackseveralgenerations,andtheonlythingshehaddonetoincreasetheir
fortunewastohireoneofthebestmoneyguystotakecareofherpreciousportfolio.

Selenaneededmoney.She’dhavetogetapayingjobforthefirsttimeinherlife.
Shewassofaroutofherrealmofexperienceshewasn’tsurewheretostart.Sheturnedand

walkedblindlyacrossthestreet,towardLambert’sIceCreamShoppe.Assheapproachedthedoor,
shespottedametalnewspaperbox.

SheduginthebottomofherGucciforsomequarters.Nowifonlyshehadsomeemployment

experiencebeyondvolunteeringandsomemarketablejobskillsbesidesartistictalentshemighthave
somehope.

CHAPTERTHREE

Twoandahalfweekslater

W

ASIT

thefifteenth?Selena’seyespoppedopenatthis,herfirstcoherentthoughtoftheday.

Shesatupstraight,coldfearinthepitofherstomach.
Octoberfifteenth.
Twodaysafterherperiodwasdue.Shewasneverlate,couldsetamilitaryclockbyit.It

should’vebeenherewhenshewokeupthemorningofthethirteenth—sherememberedcalculating
thatlastmonthandrollinghereyesattheunluckydate.Twodaysago.

She’dbeensidetrackedbyherjob.She’dstarteditonMonday,thoughtshewasgoingtopuke

formostofthedayfromnerves,butmaybeitwasn’tnervesafterall.

Nauseousnow,andlight-headed,Selenalaybackdown,curlingonherside,andpulledthe

blanketsoverherface.Sheclosedhereyes.

Sleepdidn’tcome.Neitherdidoblivion,denialorahappierreality.Shehadtogetoutofbedand

findoutforsure.

Hermindstrayedtoimagesofbabies.Herholdingababy.Herbaby.Abruptly,sheshookher

head,unabletohandlethemereideaofparenthood.Itwastoomuchtothinkabout.

Shemovedonautopilotthroughashower,dressedinskinnyjeansandaflowygreenandblue

shirt.DefinitelynotclothesthatwereappropriateforherjobpaintingmuralsforthecityofSan
Amaro’supcomingtwenty-fifthbirthdaycelebration.Luckyforher,shesetherownhours.Aslongas
shefinishedeachmuralonschedule,she’dcontinuetogetpaid.

Nowayshecouldworktoday,unlesshersuspicionshappenedtobewrong.Sheheadedofftothe

cornerdrugstoretofindout.

T

WENTY-FOURMINUTES

wasallittookforagirl’sentirelifetochange.Fourminuteseachwaytothe

storeinherSaturnSUV,sixminutestryingtofigureoutwhichbrandofpregnancytesttobuy,five
minuteswaitinginline.Readingthedirections,unwrappingthepackage,doingthetest.Waiting.

Turnedoutthattwominuteswasane-freaking-ternitywhenyouweren’tbreathing,waitingto

seeifasecondlineappeared.Itdid.

Selenastaredatit.Checkedthepictureonthedirectionsagainand,yep,directmatchfor

“congratulations.”

Shepickedupthestickandtriedtobreakitinhalf.Whenthatdidn’twork,shehititontheedge

ofthecounter.Stupidthingwashardy,andfor$13.99shesupposeditshouldbe.

Sheglancedaroundthemasterbathroomforaweapon,buttherewasn’tmuch,onlyher

cosmeticsandtoiletries.Thewooden-heeledshoesshewore,though…

Determined,sheflungthesticktotheceramicfloorandstompedonitwithherheel,asifitwere

avenomousspider(nevermindthatshewouldrunfromaspider,nothangaroundandkillit).The
plasticcasingfinallycrackedinseveralplaces,butthesatisfactionwasminimal.

Shewasstillpregnant.
Optionsflippedthroughhermindlikeanold-fashionedRolodex.Waysout.Likeapreachy

after-schoolteenspecial.Allthepossibilitiessucked.

Leavingthetestcrushedonthefloor,shemadeabeelineforthestairway.Sheascendedboth

flightsuntilshewasintheturretroomwhereshe’dsetupherartsupplies.Allfourwallswere
windowed,showingtheGulf,theshore,theweatherlikeanonstopmoviereel.Therewasadooron
thewatersidethatopenedtoawidow’swalk.Selenawenttherenow.

Windwhippedherhair,tanglingitinseconds.Itwascolderupherethanatgroundlevel.There

wasawildnessmostdaysasthewindgustedinoffthewater.Sheraisedherchinandfacedit,eyes
closed.Outhere,constantbuffetingbytheweathermadecoherentthoughtnearlyimpossible.

Rightnow,thatwasexactlywhatSelenaneeded.
Sheheldontothericketyrailing,onekneeontheweather-beatenwoodenbenchthatwoundall

thewayaround,gazingoutatwheretheGulfgavebirthtothewaves.Theyseeminglyformedfrom
nothing,gatheredmomentumandsizeuntiltheywereaweinspiring,intimidating…andthenthey
rolledintonothingonceagainwhentheyhitthesand.

Selenadidn’tknowhowlongshestoodtherewatchingeachwavelikeaminidrama.Suddenly,

exhaustionhitheratthesametimerealitydid.Everymuscleinherbodyfeltasifshe’dbeen
swimmingagainstastrongcurrent.Shebackedawayfromtheedge,feltforthedoorhandlebehind
herandletherselfinside.Shecrossedthefloorthefewstepstotheherdad’schairandcollapsedinto
itsideways.

Shewouldhavethebaby.
Thecertaintyhitherthesecondsheopenedhermindtothepossibility.Therewasonlyone

optionthatwouldeverworkforher.

Whenshewasalittlegirl,allofherfavoritepastimeshadhadadomestic,happy-familyflavor

tothem—takingcareofbabydolls,playing“house,”havingteaparties,servingfamily“dinners”on
miniatureplasticdishes.Backthen,she’dwantedtobelikehermother—asocietylady,asocialite,a
womanheadoverheelsforherhusband.

Everythinghadchangedwhenherdaddied.Hermother,especially.Asateenager,Selenahad

vowedthatshewouldneverbethewomanhermomhadbecome—detachedanddistantfromher
family.

Asanadult,sheharboredhopesofonedayfosteringthekindofwarmththeCambridge-Jarboes

hadknownsolongagowithherfather.Shehadn’tplannedonhavingtheopportunitysosoon—now
—butshewouldn’tsquanderit.

Thebiggestquestion,then,waswhetheritwouldbeatraditionalfamilyofthreeorasingle

motherandchild.Selenadidn’tknowthefirstthingaboutEvan—includinghislastname—tohavean
inklingwhichwayitwouldgo.

Shemethodically,absently,ranherfingersthroughthetanglesinherhairasshewonderedabout

themanshe’dmadethisbabywith.Whatwouldhedo?Howwouldhereact?

Shewasn’treadytofacehimyet,butwouldhavetodoitsoon.She’dleftherfamilyandcome

downheretotakechargeofherlife,forgeaheadonherown.Now,ironically,alargechunkofher
futuredependedononeman.

H

OURSLATER

,aftersheawokeinherdad’swornchair,Selenaleftthebeachhousetowalkalongthe

sand.Alightdrizzlehadstarted,cloudshanginglowovertheGulf,theskyandwaterastudyingrays.
Thesilenceandemptinessofthebeachhousehaddrivenheroutinsearchofliving,breathingbeings,
buttheshore,too,wasdeserted.Shecarriedon,withoutadestinationinmind.

Afterawhile,shestoodinfrontofthelittlegrass-roofedbarwherehercurrenttroublehad

started.TheShellShack.

Heavy-dutyplasticagainprotectedtheinsidefromthewindanddrizzle.Awarmlightglowed

fromwithin,beckoningSelenatotheinnersanctum.Asshesteppedintoitsshelter,shebreathedinthe
familiarodorofbeer,foodandhumidity.

Theshackseemedlargerthanithadbefore,whensomanypeoplehadbeencrammedintoit.

Mostlyemptystoolslinedthesemicircularmainbarandanothercurvedcounterwoundaroundthe
outerperimeter,facingtheshore.

Acute,petitebrunetteaboutherage,latetwentiesorso,smiledatherfrombehindthebar.

Selenawalkedtothestoolonthefarleftsideatthemainbar.

“Hi,”thebartendersaid.“WhatcanIgetforyou?”Herbrownhairwaspulledbackinaneat

ponytailandhergreeneyesradiatedhappiness.

“Just…icewater,please.”AstackofSandblastercupstoweredonthebackcounter,avivid

reminderofherlastvisithere.“I’dliketoordersomefood,too,please.”

“Yougotit.”Thebartenderhandedheratall,skinnymenuthensetaplasticcupofwaterinfront

ofher.“Myname’sMacey.Justhollerwhenyou’reready.”

“Thankyou.”Selenaglancedovertheshortlistandquicklysettledonsevicheandnachos.She

caughtMacey’seyeandplacedherorder,thensatbacktowatchthepeoplearoundher.She’dhopedto
escapethesolitudeofthebeachhouse,butwatchingothersincouplesandsmallgroupsjustmadeher
lonelinessmorepronounced.

“Youlookkindofdown,”MaceysaidasshecleanedthecounterinfrontofSelena.“Everything

okay?Sureyoudon’tneedsomethingstronger?”Surprisingly,herquestionsdidn’tcomeacrossas
tooinvasive.MaybeSelenawasjustthathappytobeoutoftheemptyhouse.

Shestudiedthiswomanforseveralsecondsandleanedcloser,theneedtounburdenherself

suddenlyoverwhelming.“IjustfoundoutI’m…pregnant.”There.Shesaiditoutloudforthefirst
time.Herpulsespedup,herfacegrewwarm,andshecouldn’tseemtogetenoughair.

ThankfullyMaceydidn’toverreactanddrawattentiontothem.“Wow.That’sawhopper,”she

said.“Ironicthatwecan’tdealwithsuchabigscarythingwithaniceshotortwooftequila,isn’tit?”

“Acrueljoke,”Selenasaid.Shamethreatenedtochokeherup.Selenawasn’tthetypetodothe

wrongthing,tosleeparound.Hercircleoffriendsbackhomewouldbestunnediftheyknewwhat
she’ddone—andwhatshewouldnowhavetogothrough.She’dsomehowsensedMaceywasmore
understanding,lessjudgmental,butstill…factswerefacts.Shewasn’tproudofhowshemustcome
acrosstothisnewacquaintance.

Ayoung,lankyguycameoutofthebackroomwithSelena’sfoodandsetitinfrontofher.
“Thanks,Ramon,”Maceysaid.Hesmiledagoofygrinandretreated.
“You’rethefirstpersonI’vetold,”Selenasaidquietly.“GuessIneededtoconfesstosomeone.”

Shetriedtolaughitoff.

“Whataboutthefather?”Maceyasked.
Selenashookherhead.“We’renot…together.”Againwiththewarmcheeks,andshewasn’tone

whonormallyblushed.

“Ooh,youmustbeoverwhelmed.”
“Terrified.”
ThesympathyonMacey’sfacejustaboutdidSelenain.It’dbeenalmostfourlongweekssince

she’dleftbehindthepeoplewhohadmadeuphersupportsystem—evenifthey’dgivenasmuchgrief
assupport.Shehadn’trealizedhowmuchbeingbyherself,tryingtohandleeverythingonherown
forthefirsttime,gettingapayingjob,hadbeenwearingherdown.Andthenthepregnancynews…

TearspoppedintoSelena’seyesandherthroatswelled.Shewasnotgoingtoembarrassherself

bycryinghere,inpublic,justbecausethiswomanwassokind.Shesuckedinalungfulofairand
wipedhereyesquickly.“Sorry,”shetoldMacey.“Ididn’trealizeIwasontheedge.”

“I’veheardpregnancyhormonescanbearealbear.”
“Grizzly,apparently.”Selenashovedatortillachipintohermouth,hopingtodistractherself.
“Doyouplantotellhim?”Maceyasked.
“Soon.I’mstilltryingtoabsorbthetruthmyself.”
“Yeah.Thatmighttakeafewdays.Excusemeforaminute.”Maceywenttotheothersideofthe

bartowaitontwothirtysomethingwomenandreturnedafterservingthemSandblastersandplacing
theirordersforburgers.“Sorryaboutthat,”shesaidwhenshereturned.“Sowhat’syournextmove?”

“Doesstickingmyheadinthesandcount?”
Maceygrinned.“There’senoughsandaroundhere,butthat’sprobablynotthebestchoice.You’d

getitinyoureyes.”

Selenachokedoutalaugh,thensoberedalmostinstantly.“NextIneedtofindalong-termjob.

TheoneIhavewillonlylastforafewmonths.”

“Areyounewtotheisland?”
“I’vebeenherealmostamonth.Justlongenoughtoreallyshakeupmylife.”
“Hey.”Maceymadeeyecontactwithher.“You’llgetthroughthisandbeokay.Eventhoughit

doesn’tseemlikeitrightnow.”

“Idon’thavemuchchoice,doI?”Selenaforcedasmile.
“Whatkindofjobareyoulookingfor?”
“Well…”Selenawasn’tsurewhattosay.“I’mopen.Somethingwitharegularpaycheck.No

matterwhatthefatherdecides,Ineedtobeabletosupportthebaby.”

“Whatkindofexperiencedoyouhave?”
“I’membarrassedtoadmitIneverhadapayingjobbeforeIgothere.”
Macey’seyeswidened.“Never?”
“SincefinishingcollegeI’vedonevolunteerworkforanorganizationbackinBostoncalledArt

toHeart.Itincorporatesartandcreativityintothelivesofat-riskkids.”

“Soundslikeanamazingplace,”Maceysaidenthusiastically.“Istartedmyownnonprofit

organizationafewmonthsago.IwishIcouldhireyou,butIdon’thaveabudgetforasalaryoreven
awageyet.WhichispartofthereasonI’mhere.ThatandmyfiancéandIowntheplace.”Sheswung
herarmtoindicatethebar.

“Fiancé?Congratulations.”
“Thanks!”
“Whatkindoforganizationdoyouhave?”
“Ihelpwomenstarttheirownsmallbusinesses.Doyouhaveanytalentsyoucouldturnintoa

business?”

“Notreally.I’manartist.It’stoughtomakealivingpainting.”
Maceyeyedherthoughtfully.“Don’tbesosure.Letmegiveitsomethought.”
“Thankyou.Iappreciateit.”Shedidn’tholdoutalotofhopebutatleastshehadtimetofigureit

out.Shetookadrinkandsetherglassdown,distracted.“Iseemtoberevealingallmyembarrassing
skeletonsinthefirstfewminutesI’veknownyou.”Sheloweredhervoice,watchingherstrawasshe
swirleditinherglass.“Mymom’sfamilyhasalwaysbeencomfortable,andI’vebeencontentto
acceptwhatevershewantedtogiveme.Ilovedthekids’organizationandfeltIwasmakinga
differencebyworkingthere.Livingathomeallowedmetodothat,sowhynot?”

“Can’tsayIblameyou.”
“Ilovedit.Lovedthekids.Theyhadsomeseriousproblemsbutafterinteractingforafewweeks

orsometimesevenjustdays,alotofthemwouldcomeoutoftheirshellsandexpressthemselves
throughart.”

Selenamanagedasmileassheremembered.Rollie,theeleven-year-oldwhocreatedthebest

mangashe’deverseen.Malinda,thetinyten-year-oldgirlwhomadebeautifulpaintings.Jerome—
herabsolutefavorite,thoughshe’dneveradmitthataloud—thesix-year-oldboywhosefine-motor-
skilldevelopmentwassofarbehindhehadn’tknownhowtoholdcrayonsandscribbleuntilshe’d
workedwithhimforseveralsessions.Hedidn’tshowparticularartistictalentbutthatwasn’twhatArt
toHeartwasabout.

“Anyway,”Selenacontinued,“mymomandIhaven’tbeencloseforalongtimeandwehada

majordisagreement.Icamedownheretostartover,andIjustfoundoutsheclosedmyaccesstothe
bankaccount.I’mnotsurprised.Justforcedtofacerealitynow.”

“Whatkindofartistareyou?”Maceyasked.Itlookedasifhermindwasspinning,which

encouragedSelena.

“Mostlypaintinganddrawing.Icanillustrateonthecomputerbutthat’sneverbeenmystrong

point.”

“Ifyoucouldmakealivingpaintinganddrawing,wouldyouwantto?”
“Absolutely.”
“I’dliketoseeyourwork,”Maceysaid,signalingtoanothercustomershe’dberightthere.“I’ve

gotsomeideas.Wemightbeabletofiguresomethingout.”

Selenadidn’tdaregetherhopesup.ButasMaceytendedtoothercustomersandSelenafinished

herseafood,shedugapenoutofherpurseandwrotetheaddressofthebeachhouseandhercell-
phonenumberonanapkin.Trafficatthebarhadincreasedandshedidn’twanttokeepMaceyfrom
herjobanylonger.Besides,whatifherone-nightstandreturnedhere,tothesceneofthecrime?She
tuckedthenapkinunderatwentyandwentbackoutintothedampafternoon,notquiteasdesolateor
hopelessaswhenshe’dwalkedin.

CHAPTERFOUR

“F

ORALOTOFWOMEN

Itakeon,”MaceysaidassheslowlycircledSelena’sstudiotwodayslater,“we

havetoreallyworkatcomingupwithaviableproductorserviceforthemtomakemoneyon.
Selena,you’vegotitallrighthere.Thesepaintingsarefantastic.”

Selenareleasedthebreathshe’dbeenholdingsinceshe’dledMaceyupthestairstotheturret

studio.“YouthinkIcouldmakeenoughtogetbyforawhile?”

“Ithinkyoucoulddomorethangetby.Thereareseveraldirectionswecouldtake.Wecould

incorporatesomeofyourartondifferentproducts,likebags,T-shirts,postcardsandahundred
others.Iknowsomeonewhomightbeabletohelpusgetitstarted.AndIbetyoucouldgetsome
spaceforyouroriginalsinlocalgalleries,maybeagiftshoportwo.SomeoftheseGulfscenescould
garnerdecentcash.”

“Youreallythinkpeoplewouldpayforthese?”
“Absolutely.Youcapturethescenerybeautifullyandinfuseeachpaintingwithtangibleemotion,

eventhoughtherearen’tanypeopleinthem.It’samazing,actually.”

Selenasatontheedgeoftheoverstuffedchairandleanedforward,elbowsonherthighsasshe

ranherhandsoverherface.

“Whydoyouseemtohavetroublebelievingthesearemarketable?”Maceyasked,draggingher

gazefromthelargeacrylicoftheSanAmaroPier.

Selenastraightenedandshookherhead,tryingtogetridoftheyears-olddoubts.“Mymotheris

afirmbelieverthatartisnotaprofitablepursuit.Iguessit’sbeendrilledintomymindnow.”

“Well,timetodigitout.”
“Maybeyou’reright.Afterall,thecity’spayingmewellenoughforthemuralsandifwecanget

thisgoing…”

“Whenwegetthisgoing,”Maceycorrected.“Oh,themurals…Ireadaboutthatprojectinthe

paperlastweek.That’syou?”

“That’sme.I’mcontractedtodofive.Thefirestation,thenaturereserve,thegatewaytothecity,

inaparkandinfrontofCityHall.IhaveuntiltheendofMaytofinishthem.”

“Excellentpublicityforyournewbusiness.”MaceysatonthestoolwhereSelenausuallyworked

andtookoutherphonetomakenotes.“Startthinkingaboutanameforyourcompany.I’vegot
informationandformsyou’llneedtofilloutandwecanmeetwiththemerchandisingguyIknowin
thenextcoupleofweeks.”

“Wow.Justlikethat?”Selenaasked.
“Ifyoureallywanttomoveforwardwiththis.”
Selenadidn’thesitate.“Ido.”Makingalivingbypaintingwouldbesatisfying—beyond

satisfying—onsomanylevels.“Ineedto.HowelseamIgoingto…”Sheputahandonherflat
abdomenbutdidn’tfinishthesentence.Itwasstillsomuchtowrapherbrainaround,andtalking
aboutachild,ababy…Ithadadizzying,nauseatingeffectonher.

“Feedthechild?”Maceyaskedsympathetically.“Ithinkyou’resmarttobecomeself-sufficient,

butIalsohavetoask…Didyoutellthefatheryet?”

Selenagroaned.“Stillgatheringmynerve.It’satthetopofmyto-dolist.”
“Anyideahowhe’llreact?”
Selenalaughed.“Idon’thaveaclue.”Shecouldn’tbringherselftoadmittoMaceythatshe

didn’tevenknowhislastnameorwhathedidforaliving.“GuessI’llfindoutsoonenough.I’llgo

thiseveningtotalktohim.”

“Maybeitwon’tbeasbadasyouthink.”
“Maybe.”She’dhadallkindsofscenariosrunningthroughhermind,mostofthemnotgood.

Thetruthwasshewasn’treallysurewhatshewantedhimtodo.Ideally,theywouldgettogether,fall
inloveandmarry—notbecauseoftheirbigwhoops—andlivehappilyeverafter.Shelaughed.

“What’ssofunny?”Maceysaid,jerkingheroutofherthoughts.
“Nothing,actually.”Selenaclosedhereyes.“MaybeIcouldjustpaintababyandleaveitonhis

doorstep.Ringthedoorbellandrun.”

Maceychuckled.“Heliveshereontheisland?”
Selenabentforwardagain,hesitating.“Hedoes.Imightaswellgetitalloutintheopen.Idon’t

knowthisguy.IdidsomethingI’veneverdonebeforeinmylife.Iwasemotionallyontheedgeand
wentoutbymyself,feelingcompletelyreckless…”

“Andyoufoundsomesexyguytomakeyouforgetaboutyourtroublesforanight?”Macey’s

tonewasunderstanding.

“Thatsumsitupnicely,”Selenasaidwithanembarrassedgrin.“Imethimatyourbar,asa

matteroffact.”

“Really?WasIworking?”
Selenashookherheadanddescribedthebartender.
“Kevin,”Maceysaidwithanod.“GladtheShacksetyouupforareallygoodnightbutsorryit’s

turnedintoalife-changingevent.”Shesmiledsympathetically.

“Andwhat’sworse?”Selenacontinued.“IfIhadn’tgottenpregnant,Iwouldn’tregretasecond

ofit.AmIproudofit?No.”Shestaredoffatnothing,seeinginsteadEvan’sbodymovingoverhers,
playingherslikeavirtuosowithanexperttouch.Justrememberingmadehertightenwithlonging.

Selenacouldn’thelpbutwonderifEvanwasaregularattheShellShack.Didhegothere

enoughthatMaceywouldrecognizehim?Didhealwaysleavewithadifferentwoman?

“Confessiontime?”Maceyasked.“Ididsomethingsimilaronce.”Aslowgrinspreadacrossher

lips.“Andtoaddtothe—Idon’tknow—fantasyofitall,itwaswhenIwasinAsiawiththePeace
Corps.Alocalguy.Webarelyspokethesamelanguage.”

“Somethingeverywomanshoulddoonceinherlife.Just…withoutthepregnancypart.”She

tookadeep,shakybreath.“Youknow,weshouldprobablyeatdinnerbeforeit’scompletelycold.”

“Soundslikeaplan.”MaceystoodupfromthestoolandlinkedherarminSelena’s.“It’sgoing

tobeokay.I’llbehereforyounomatterwhatyourmysterymansays.”

Selenacouldn’tanswer.Gratitudeswelledinherthroatandifshespokeshe’dendupcryinglike

ababy.She’dstruckitluckywhenshe’drunintoMaceyatthebar.

Still,therewasonlysomuchMaceycoulddo.ThiswasSelena’smess.HersandEvan’s.Or

maybejusthers,dependingonwhathappenedlater.

Shesuddenlywonderedhowshewouldgetanydinnerdownatall.

M

ACEY,THETRAITOR

,hurriedoffassoonastheyfinishedeating,notwantingtoenableSelenato

procrastinatefromherall-importantvisitanylonger.

Conveniently,Selenacouldstallonherownjustaseasily.Shechangedherclothes—twice.

Paintedhertoe-nailsinadarkshadecalledeggplant.Toucheduphereyelinerandaddedlipgloss.
Consideredpullingoneoftheancienttomesofftheshelfinthelivingroomandreadingitinits
entiretybeforesettingouttoseeEvan.

“Thesooneryougo,thesooneryoucangetitoverwith,”shesaidoutloud,frustratedwithher

owncowardice.

Itwasnearingseven.Ifshewaitedmuchlonger,hecould,Godforbid,beoutonadateor

somethingequallyhumiliating.Callinghimfirstwould’vebeeneasier,butshe’dbeenemphaticabout
notexchangingphonenumbers.Heronlyoptionwastojustwhiskinanddeliverhernews.

Shewentintothemasterbathroomandcheckedherappearanceinthefull-lengthmirroronthe

backofthedooronelasttime.Holdingherhandtoherabdomen,shestraightened,lookingforany
signofababybump.Herpantsweretighterthanusualbutthatwasprobablymorefromdinnerthana
microscopicfetus.

Morningsicknesshadn’tbeenmajoryetandhadstayedtruetoitsname,rollingthroughher

onlywhenshewokeupeachmorning.Sodacrackershadbecomeapermanentfixtureonher
nightstandandeatingtwoorthreebeforeshegotupseemedtomakethenauseasubside.

Rightnow,however,sheregrettedtheChinesetake-outsheandMaceyhadplowedthrough.She

wenttothekitcheninsearchofmorecrackers.Theyhadn’tfailedheryet.

Halfapackagelater,Selenawasheddownthelastofthecrumbswithaglassofwater.She

brushedherteethasecondtime.

“Nomoreputtingitoff.Let’sgo,self.”
Grabbingherpurse,moreforsecuritythananactualneedforanythinginit,sheheadedoutthe

doortoherSUV.

She’dneveradmitittoanyone,butshe’ddrivenbyEvan’sapartmentafewtimessincetheir

privateslumberparty,beforefindingoutshewaspregnant.Thefirsttimehadbeenatesttoseeifshe
couldfinditagainafterleavingsofastthemorningafterandwalkinghome.Afterthat,it’djust
becomeahabitofsorts.Shehadnoideawhyshedidit—itservednopurpose.Therewereno
windowsonthestreetsideofhisapartment,soshecouldn’tcatchaglimpseofhim.Shedidn’teven
knowwhatkindofvehiclehedrovesoshecouldn’tkeeptabsonwhetherhewashomeornot.She
hadn’thadanyillusionsaboutseeinghimagain,soshewasn’tsurewhatwasupwithherstalkeract.

Tonightshedrovedownthestreetandtheninsteadofturningintothesmalllotforhis

apartment,shekeptgoing.

“Chicken.Justdoit.What’stheworstthatcouldhappen?”
Let’ssee…Hecouldslamthedoorinherface.Hecouldyellandscreamandrant.Hecouldcall

hernamesorblamethepregnancyonher.

Afterturningaroundinaresidentialdrivewaydownthestreet,shecamebackandpulledin.

Therewereseveralcarsinthelot,sohopefullyhewashere.

Herheelsonthesidewalkseemedextraordinarilyloud,asifannouncingtotheentirecomplex

thatshecamebearingimportant,life-alteringnews.Sheclimbedthestairsontiptoeinanattemptto
keepitquiet.

Secondfloor.Lastdoorontheright.HerskinheatedassherememberedthenightwithEvan.

They’dmanagedtokeeptheirlustmostlyunderwrapsuntiltheygotintohisapartmentandshutthe
door.Thenhe’dnearlyleapedforherafterhelockedthedoor,buthehadn’thadtoleapfarbecause
she’dbeenpracticallyattackinghim.

Thenshe’dbecomecrazedwithadesirethatnoothermanhadeverawakenedinher.
Selenastaredatthedoor.Tryingtosummonthecouragetoknock.
Acarpulledupintheparkinglot,compellinghertoactsoshewouldn’tbecaughtstandinghere

likeanidiot.

Heregoesnothing.
Sheknockedfirmlyonthesoliddoor,thankfultherewasnopeephole.
Footstepsapproachedfromtheothersideofthedooranditswungopen.Evan’sroommate

stareddownatherforacoupleofsecondsbeforespeaking.“Wemeetagain.”

Shetriedtosmilebutwantedtomeltintothefloor.She’drunintothisguyintheparkinglot

afterleavingEvan,hairmessy,clothesnotquiteright.“IsEvanhere?”

“Evan!”hehollered.“Someone’sheretoseeyou!Comeonin.”Hestoodback.“I’mClay.”
“Hi.”Selenacautiouslyglancedaround.Oh,yeah,sherememberedthisplaceindetail.How

couldshenot?They’d…well,they’dcertainlynotmadeittothebedroomforroundonethatnight.

“Selena,”Evansaidasheenteredthelivingroom,eyebrowsraisedinsurprise.“Whatareyou

doinghere?”

“Nice,”hisroommatesaidsarcastically.
“It’sgoodtoseeyou.”Evanmovedcloserandshetriedtofightherphysicalreactiontohim.It

wasalosingbattleashepracticallyloomedoverherwithhiswide,muscularshouldersandchestand
thoseclearblueeyesgivingherallofhisattention.

“Iwashopingwecouldgosomewhere,maybegetacoffee.”Shehadnosuchintentionbutshe

neededhimoutofhere,awayfromhisroommate.

“Letmegrabmyboots,”Evansaid.Ashewalkedaway,shecouldn’thelpsizinghimupinthe

worn,soft-lookingjeansthathuggedhisthighsandbutt.

Selenahadhadboyfriendsbefore,andshe’dhadgood-lookingboyfriends,butthere’dnever

beenanyonewhowasanythinglikeEvan.Justlookingathimmadeherfeelallshakyinside.Seeing
himhere,whereshe’dseeneverylastinchofhim,touchedallofhim…

“Let’sgo,”Evansaid,pullingadarkbluesweatshirtoverhishead.Asshewalkedoutinfrontof

him,shefelttheheatofhishandonthesmallofherback.Insteadofleaningintoitasshewould’ve
liked,shehurrieddowntheflightofstairstothegroundfloor,outofhisreach.

“Wherewouldyouliketogo?”heasked.
“Nowhere.Imean,notapublicplace.Somewhereprivate.”
Evangrinned.“IfIremembercorrectly,thatgotusintotroublethelasttime.”
Hehadnoidea.
SheledthewaytoherSaturnandunlockeditwiththeremote.Sheclimbedintothedriver ’sseat.

Hehesitatedbrieflythenopenedthedoorandgotin.“Whereareyoutakingme?”heasked.

“It’saPG-ratedexcursion,ifthatputsyourmindatease.”
“I’mnotsureIwanttogetin,then.”Hewasclearlyjoking,butthatdidn’tstopSelenafrom

consideringarepeatoftheirfirstnighttogether.

Oh,howshewishedthat’sallsheneededfromhim.
“I’dliketodiscusssomething.”Shestartedthecarandpulledoutontothestreet.Notwantingto

diveintothatconversationjustyet,shehitthepowertotheradioandturneduptheHaydnCD,making
conversationawkward.Therewasthatcowardiceagain.Sobeit.

Sheeventuallyturnedintoapublicbeachparkinglot.Sheswitchedtheignitionoffbutmadeno

movetogetout.“Isthisokay?”

“Okayforwhat?”Therewasagleaminhiseyethatshecouldseebythestreetlight.
“Talking,”shesaidfirmly.Maybetheyshouldgetoutandwalk.Thenshewouldn’tbeso

overwhelmedbyhim,wouldn’tbetrappedinasmallspacewithhisverylarge,masculinepresence.
“Orwecanwalk.”

“Here’sfine.Thewindiswickedonthebeachtonight.”
Sheturnedtowardhim,pullingherrightlegupontheleatherseat.“Thisisawkward.”Sheran

herfingerbackandforthovertheseamonherjeans.

“What’sgoingon?”
Shemethisgazeinthedarkness,abletoseehisconfusion,thegleamgonenow.
“ThefirstthingIwanttosayisthatI’venevergonehomewithsomeoneIjustmetbefore.Iwant

tomakesureyouunderstandthat.”

Hesmiled.“I’mflattered.”
Shedidn’tsmileandheseemedtosenseshewasindead-seriousmode.
“Igetthataboutyou,Selena.Icouldtell.Andyoumentioneditaboutfortytimesthatnight,as

well.”

Nowherlipsdidcurveupwardslightly.“SoIdid.Sorryaboutthat.”
“Noneedtoapologize.Thenightwas…agoodone.Verygood.Butyoumustnotthinkso.

You’reawfullyserious.”

“It…wasn’tabadnightatall.”Sheglancedupandcaughthisintensegaze.Frowning,she

stumbledoverwhattosaynext.

Evanlightlytweakedherchinandforcedeyecontactagain.“Tellmewhat’sbotheringyou.”The

tendernessinhiswords,hisactions,struckherhard,andshesatthereinsilence,fightingbacksudden,
embarrassingtears.

Shecouldtellbyhistonehedidn’thaveanyinklingofwhatshewasabouttosaytohimorhow

hislifewasgoingtochange.Shewishedshecouldpreparehimsomehow.Really,shedid.Easehim
intothetruth.

“Selena?It’sokay,darlin’.Talktome.”
Veryquietly,shetookadeep,shakybreathandclosedhereyes.“It’snotokay,Evan.I’m

pregnant.”

CHAPTERFIVE

E

VANTURNED

hisheadtolookSelenaintheeye.Hefeltasifhewasmovinginslowmotion,asiflife

washappeningthroughathick,colorless,syruplikesubstance.

“Pregnant,”herepeatedstupidly.Didshemean…?
“Yes.Pregnant.”Selena’svoicewasfirm,confident.“Ihaven’tsleptwithanyoneelseinalong

time.”

“No,”hesaid.Itcouldn’tbetrue.“Wewerecareful.”
“Ithoughtso,too,buttheremust’vebeenaproblemwithacondomsomewherealongtheline.

We,um,usedseveral…”

Heremembered.Rememberedwell.“You’resure?Imeanthatyou’repregnant?”
Shenodded.“Believeme,Iwantedthenegativeasmuchasyou.Morethan.”
“Dammit.”
Thiswasn’tsupposedtohappen.Hewasalwayscareful.Hewasn’tstupid.Andhesureashell

wasn’tupforparenthood.

TheairintheSUVfeltthickandstale.Suffocating.Heopenedthedoorandgotoutquickly.

Madehiswaytothebeach.Vaguely,heheardtheothercardoorslam.Selena’sshoesclickedalong
thepavementandbecamesilentassoonasshehitthesand.Hecouldsenseherapproaching,though
hedidn’tlookather.

Whatcouldhesay?
“Evan.”
Shewasbyhisside,touchinghisforearm.
“What’sgoingthroughyourhead?”sheaskedquietly.
Somethinginsidehimsnapped.“What’sgoingthroughmyhead?”Hepulledhisarmawayand

putdistancebetweenthem.“What’sgoingthroughmyheadisthatthiswasn’tsupposedtohappen.I’m
notreadyforit.Can’thandleit.Hell,Selena,ifIwantedafamily,Iwouldpursueone.Fallinlove
withawoman,askhertomarryme.Maybethinkaboutkids.”

Hesawhertakeastepbackasifhe’dslappedher.Itonlyregisteredonthesurfaceofhisbrain,

though.Hewasengrossedintheramificationsofherpregnancy.

“Dittoonallpoints,”shesaidinawaveringvoice.“Webarelyknoweachother.Igetthat.Ihave

noideawhetherwecouldmakeagoofittogetherifweevenwantedtotry.”

ShefalteredandEvanmadeapointofnotlookingather.Shewasupset?Well,sowashe.
“I’mnottryingtotrapyou.I’veknownforalloffourdaysandI’mstilltryingtofigureoutwhat

todo.”

“Areyouconsideringendingthepregnancy?”Hedidn’thavethefortitudetoexaminehisdeep

feelingsonthat,buttheideaofmakingitallgoawaydidappealtohim.

“No.”Heranswerwasfirm.Closedtodebate.“Ultimately,someday,Iwantedachild.Nottoday.

Butwhatifthisismyonlychance?”Sheshookherhead.“Ican’tdoit.”

“Sothenwe’restuck.”Heheardtheharshness,thechillinhisownvoicebutcouldn’tbring

himselftocare.

“No,”shesaidagain,andthistimeitwasevenmoreadamant.“Ifyoucan’thandleit,I’llraise

thechildmyself.I’llhavemylawyercontactyouaboutchildsupport.”

Hisentirelifestylewasindanger.Hisfreedom,hisleisuretime.Hisincomeandsavings.Even

thedamnboat.Everythinghe’dworkedfor,foralmosttenyears,waswashingaway.

“Idon’tknowwhatyouwantmetosay.”Howwouldhe?Hebarelyknewthiswoman.
Shecrossedherarmsoverherchestandnarrowedhereyes.“Allyouhavetodoisanswerone

question.Doyouwanttobeinvolvedinthisornot?”

Asifitwasthateasy.Hewasn’tgoingtodecideanythingnow,justafterhavingthisbomb

droppedonhishead.“I’mouttahere.”Hetookoffintheoppositedirectionoftheparkinglot.

“That’sit,then?”Selenacalledafterhim,hervoicefullofhostility.
“Yeah,”hecalledoverhisshoulder,notstopping.“Ineed…”Whatthehelldidheneed?Ado-

over.Alittlewillpowerwhereacertainbrunettewasconcerned.Adifferentboxofcondoms.

“I’mgoinghome,”hefinallysaid.

W

ELL.

Selenahadherunequivocalanswer,then.

Evandidnotwanttobeinthebaby’slife.Orhers.She’dgivenhimanoutandhe’dtakenit.
Herthroattightenedandtearsfilledhereyeswithoutherpermission.Ifhecouldwalkawayso

easily,therewasnodoubtitwasforthebest.

Thewindwhippedherhairacrossherfaceandsentashiverdownherspine,butshedidn’tturn

towardtheSaturn.Instead,shewasdrawntothewater.

Themoonwashiddenbycloudstonight.Verylittlelighthitthesand,butstill,shecouldseethe

whiteglimmerofbubblesalongthewaveseventhroughherthreateningtears.Sheremovedhershoes
andsankherfeetintothecoldsand.Shewalkedtowardthewater,stoppingattheedgeofthedrysand
andloweringherselftotheground.

ThoughsheknewsheandEvanhadneverhadachanceatafuture,shefeltmorealonethanshe’d

everbeeninhertwenty-sevenyears.Sheglancedupanddownthebeach,lookingforanymovement,
anotherlivingbeing,butthesandwasdeserted.Agustofwindhitherandshewrappedherarms
aroundherselfforwarmth.

Funnyhowyourlifecouldgetawayfromyouandbecomesomethingyouneverinamillion

yearsexpected,allinafitofdefianceandrecklessnessthatlastedlessthantwelvehours.

Selenarestedherchinonherkneesandgazedoutintothedarkness,tryingtopickouttheline

whereseabecamesky.Itwasimpossible.Butbecauseshewasstubbornandwasinnopositiontogive
uponwhatseemedimpossible,shekeptrightonstaring.Shefiguredthelongershelooked,the
cleareritwouldbecome.

E

VANSTORMED

throughthedoorofhisapartmentandbarelynoticedClayonthecouchwatchingTV.

Hemadeabeelinetothekitchenandopenedthecupboardabovethefridge.Vodka,gin,tequila,rum.

“Wherethehell’sthewhiskey?”Evanhollered.
“Whatwhiskey?”
“Idon’tknow.Anywhiskey.Orbourbon.That’dwork.”
Claymutedthetelevisionandsaunteredintothetinykitchen.“Wedon’thavebourbonor

whiskey.Idon’tdrinkit.LastIknew,neitherdoyou.”

“Thingschange,”Evansaid,closingthecabinetandopeningthefridge.Hesettledforabeer.He

poppedthetabanddownedoverhalfthecaninonego.

“What’swrongwithyou?”Clayasked,helpinghimselftoaBudweiser.
Evanfinishedhisbeerandwentforanother.“Iamscrewed,man.”Heswallowedagulpand

heavedhimselfuponthecountertop.“Sca-rewed.”

Claytookoutabagofpretzelsfromoneofthecabinetsandrippeditopen.“Whyareyou

screwed?”

“RememberSelena?”
“IfthatwasSelenawhowasjusthere,it’shardtoforgether.What’swrong?”
“She’spregnant.”
Clayswore,choosingacolorfulwordthatwasoddlyappropriateforthesituation.
“Exactly.”Evanleanedbackandpurposelybangedhisheadontheuppercabinets.
“You’resureit’syours?”Clayasked.
“Shesaysitis.Saysshehasn’tbeenwithanyoneelseandifIhadtoguess,she’stellingthetruth.”
Theysatthereforacoupleofminutes,sayingnothing,Claydigginginformorepretzelsevery

fewsecondsandEvancrushingtheemptybeercaninhishand.

“Sowhatelsedidshesay?”Clayaskedinbetweenbites.
“SheaskedmewhatIwanted.”
“And?”
“Ileft.”
“Nice.”
“Ineededtimetothink,man.WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Whatwouldyoudointhesituation?”
“I’vebeeninthesituation.”
Aw,hell.Evanhadbeensowrappedupinhimselfhehadn’teventhoughtaboutthat.“Iforgot.

Sorry.Sowhat’dyoudowhenshetoldyou?”

“Idon’trememberexactly.It’sbeenthreeyears.IknowIwasupset.Andmybabywasalready

born.”

“Didyougetpissed?”
“Nah.Ihandleditmuchbetter.”
EvanstudiedClay’sfaceandsawthecornersofhislipstwitch.
“LyingSOB.Givemesomeofthose.”Hegrabbedthepretzelbagandhelpedhimselftoa

handful.

“Yep,Iwaspissedattheworld.”
EvantriedtoimaginenotfindingoutuntilSelenawastotingaroundaninfant.Hecouldn’teven

fathomthat.

“Iproposed,eventually,”Claysaid.“ButIwouldn’tadviseit.Youseewhereitgotme.”
Yeah.CourtbattleswaswhereClaywaswithhisex,eventhoughthey’dnevermarried.
“I’vegotacustodyappealinrightnow.”
“Don’ttakethiswrong,man,butwhatareyougoingtodowithakid?”
“Raiseher,Ihope.”
“How?”
Clayshrugged.“Idon’tknow.ButIcandobetterthanRobin’sdoing.Notadoubtinmymind

aboutthat.”

“You’dhavetomoveout.”
Claylaughedatthat.“Youdon’twantathree-year-oldprincessasaroommate?”
Evanshuddered.“I’msureshe’scutebut…mylifestylewouldn’tmeshwellwithakid.”
“Soundslikeit’stimeforyoutochangeyourlifestylethen,dude.”
Evanmutteredastreamofswearwords,hoppeddownfromthecounter,grabbedanotherbeer

andwalkedoutthefrontdoor.

Heleanedovertherailinglookingintotheparkinglot,thankfultherewasnoonearound.The

spotwhereSelenahadparkedherSUVwasempty.HerfacefilledEvan’smind.Specifically,thelook
onitwhenhe’dsnappedather.He’dseenfear.Nearterror,really.

Andhe’dwalkedaway.

Theysaidyourrealcharactercamethroughwhenyouwerefacedwithamajorcrisis,andifthat

wastrue,hewasano-goodlowlife.He’dtakenallhisshockandangeroutonSelenaforthefew
secondshe’dhungaround.Thenhe’dwalkedoff,rightoutofherlife,asifhedidn’thaveany
responsibilityinthewholedeal.

Exactlylikehisfatherhaddone.
Hestraightenedandwingedthehalf-fullbeercandownoneflighttothesidewalk,unsatisfied

whenitdidn’texplode.Hewantedtocrushsomething.

Iftherewasonethinghebelievedin,onethinghe’dswornsincehewasakid,itwasthathe

wouldnever,everturnoutlikehisfather.

Evanknewhisnamebuthe’dneverknowntheman.Neverwould,now,butthere’dbeenatime

whenhewould’vegivenhisrightlegforarealdad.Tohaveafatherinhislife.Onewhoshothoops
withhiminthedriveway,whowatchedSimpsonsepisodeswithhimintheevening.Onewhogavehalf
adamnabouthisfamily.

Inhisearlyteens,Evanhadtrackedhisfathertoaprisoncell.Beforehecouldconfronthim,the

jackasswentanddied.Evanhadoutgrownthedreamofatruefamilyandhadreplaceditwithhatred
andpityforthemanwhohadfathered—onlyinthescientificsenseoftheword—himandhistwin
sister.

Hewasn’tgoingtobethatman.
Hecouldn’tallowachildtogrowupdaydreamingaboutsomefantasydadwhoneverappeared,

inventingstoriesforhisbuddiestoovercompensateforthefatherwhowasn’tpartofhislife.

Hiskidwasn’tevergoingtofeelunwantedorworthlessbecauseofadadwhowasn’tinvolved.

Andhonestly?Dammit.Hecouldn’tdesertthewomanhe’dcreatedthatkidwith,either.AsfarasEvan
knew,hismotherhadneverheardfromhisfatheragainafterthedayhe’dwalkedoutonher—before
EvanandMelaniewereevenborn.

ThatwasnotthekindofmanEvanwantedtobe.
He’dgottenhimselfinvolved—withbothSelenaandtheirunbornchild—sohewouldhaveto

stepup.Nomatterhowtemptingit’dbeentowalkaway.

Evanclimbedupontherailingandsatonit,hisfeethanginghighabovethefirst-floorsidewalk.
HehadtomarrySelena.They’dmakeafamilytogether,bringupthechildasateam.Marriage

wasthelastthinghe’dbeenlookingfor,butifhehadtobetrappedintoone,hecoulddoalotworse
thanSelena—whoselastnamehestilldidn’tknow.Theydefinitelydidn’tlackinchemistry,andhe
suspectedshehadalevelheadonhershoulders.

Determinationpoundedthroughhim,alongwiththefirmbeliefthatthiswastherightthingto

do.

Inthemorning,hehadtostartatwenty-four-hourshiftatthestation,butassoonashefinished

it,he’dpayheravisit.Apologize.Askhertomarryhim.

CHAPTERSIX

A

RTWAS

Selena’srefuge.Herownpersonalpsychotherapy.Alwayshadbeen.Whenlifegottoughto

handle,shespentmoreandmoretimepainting.

Lordknewsheneededasuperdoseoftherapyrightnow.
Evenbetter,today’sintensesessionofsketchesforthecitymuralsandbeginninganew,moody

acrylicofalonefishingboatwasdoingdoubledutyasearningaliving.Oratleastworkingtoward
suchanend.

She’dworkedinherstudiountilthesunsetandthenemergedfromhercozy,ifinneedofTLC,

beachhousetograbagreasytenderloinsandwichandfriesfromthepubthreeblockswest.Wrapped
upinthoughtsofherwork,shehadn’trealizedabankofcloudshadblownin,andonthewayhome,a
colddrizzlehadstartedtofall.

Whenshewalkedinthedoorofthebeachhouse,shewentdirectlytothefireplaceandstacked

thewoodshe’dpickeduptheotherday,assherememberedherdaddoing.Ittookawhileforthebig
logstocatch,butshekneltonthefloorinfrontofthefire,pokingit,mesmerizedbythepaletteof
orangesandyellowsintheflamesandembers.Assoonasheatemanatedfromherrespectablefire,
herlidsgrewheavy,hereleven-hourworkdaycatchingupwithher.

Shelaydownonthecouch,perpendiculartothefireplace,andpulledthefleecethrowblanket

fromthebackofitoverher.Asshedriftedtosleep,imagesofEvanfoundtheirwayintohermind.

Herdreamswerefilledwithunrest,stress.Anangrymanwhowantednothingtodowithher.

Eveninsleep,shewantedtolashout,scream,remindtheworld,ormaybejusttheman,thatwinding
uppregnantwasn’therfirstchoice,either.Everythingwaswrong.Offsomehow.Althoughshewas
onlypartiallycognizant,thatdiscordantfeelinggraduallyovertooktheanger,eatingawayather,
worryinghersleepuntilshestartedtowakeup.

ThenSelenarealizeditwasn’tjustinherdreamswheresomethingwasextremelywrong.A

rumbling,cracklingsoundfilledtheroom,asifsomeonewasshakingoutaheavyblanketrepeatedly.
Frequentpopsandsnapsaddedtothenoise.

Hereyespoppedopenandallhersenseswerebarragedbytheimpendingdanger.Thicksmoke

wasquicklyfillingtheroom.

Shejumpedup,swearing,lookingfranticallyaroundandtryingtogatherherwitsenoughto

figureoutwhattodo.Thecurtainsattheslidingglassdoorwereburning,andthechairnexttoit.
Blacksmokedriedherthroatandnose.Foralloftwoseconds,shewonderedifshecouldthrowapan
ofwaterontheflamesandputthemout,butthensherealizeditwasbeyondthat.Sherantotheisland
inthekitchenandgrabbedherpurse,prayinghercellphonewasinit,thenshotoutthedoorand
downtheflightofstairstothedriveway.

Herheartracedandshewasinenoughofapanicthatshestruggledtodial911.Finally,she

managedit,gavethedispatcherheraddressandtriedtoanswerhisquestions.Beforetheybrokethe
connection,anengineroundedthecornerdowntheblock.

Asshewatchedthetruckpulluptothecurb,sheshiveredandpulledthehoodofhersweatshirt

overherheadagainstthelightrain,huddlingawayfromthenoiseoftherigandkeepingherdistance
fromthehouse.

Afirefighterinfullgearhurriedoutofthepassengersideofthetruckandgavethehousea

once-overfromthisangle.Twoothermenfollowedandimmediatelystartedgrabbingequipment
whilethefirsttalkedintohisradioto,sheassumed,thedispatcher.Hereportedthatengineonehad

arrivedandtherewassmokeshowingfromtherearofathree-storystuccostructure.Hesaidsome
otherthingsshedidn’tcatchandthattheywouldbeenteringthroughthefrontdoor.

Selena’sheartraced,andshetriedtoimaginedoingtheirjob.Walkingintoaburninghouse.No

thankyou.

“Areallpeopleandpetsoutofthehouse?”thefirefighteraskedherasheapproached.Selena

nodded.

“Canyoutellmewherethefireis?What’sburning?”
“Thelivingroomonthebackside,”Selenasaidshakily.“Inthatcornerofthemainlevel.”She

pointedtotheleftendofthehouse.“Upthatflightofstairs.Thecurtainsandachairwereburning.”

“Youstayhere,”hesaid.“Don’tgobackinthehouseforanyreasonuntilwegiveyoutheokay.”

Hewentbackonhisradioandrepeatedwhatshe’dtoldhim.

Shenoddedagain,findingthateasierthantryingtobeheardovertheroarofthetruck,andsat

ontheground,hopingtocatchlessofthewindthatway.Shemovedoversotheengineblockedsome
ofitandcurledintoherjacket,longingfortheblanketshe’dbeenwrappedin,theblanketthatwas
probablycharbroiledbynow.

Thefirefighterwho’dspokentoherquicklyconferredwiththeothersandtheycarriedahoseto

thehouse.Theydisappearedthroughthedoorwherelightsmokewasstartingtoappear.

Selena’sthroatfeltswollenandscratchy,makingitdifficulttoswallow.Whatiftheplaceblew

up?Burnedtotheground?Shecouldonlyseealittleblacksmokeonthisside,butthatcouldchange
atanysecond,couldn’tit?

Losingthehouseherfatherhadlovedsomuchwouldbreakher.Shefeltclosesttohimhereand

couldn’tstandtoseehisdreamdisappear.Besides,shetrulydidn’thaveanywhereelsetogo.Thiswas
it,andherowncarelessnesswastoblameifthehousewasdestroyed.

Eventhoughoneofthefirefighterswasstillnearby,workingthingsonthetruck,sheguessed,

Selenafeltcompletelyalone.Shedidn’tevenhaveMacey’sphonenumber,sherealized.Shecould
callhermom….

No.Whatgoodwouldthatdo?HowcouldhermotherhelpherfromBoston?Shewasn’tabout

togocryinghome,notuntilsheabsolutelyhadto.Maybethefirewouldbeextinguishedbeforemuch
damagewasdone.

Severalpeoplefromsurroundingvacationhousesandcondoshadbeguntogatheraroundher

property.Selenahadnevermetanyofthemanddidn’twanttonow.Shemadeapointofavoidingeye
contactandhuddledevendeeperintoherself.

Tearsfilledhereyesandshestaredatthehouse,expectingtoseetheorangelickofdevouring

flamesanysecond.Whenshecouldn’tstanditanylonger,shedialedinformationonherphoneto
findthenumberofMacey’sbar.Whenshefinallygotthrough,shewastoldMaceywasn’tcurrently
working.Sheexplainedinarushwhatwashappeningandthemanpromisedhewouldtrytotrack
Maceydownforher.

Selenaburiedherfaceinherlegsandletthetearspourout.

E

VANHADBEEN

onthenozzleandhe’dbeenabletoputthefiredownfast.Cleanup,however,was

takingthreetimesaslong.They’dventilatedthehouse,removedthecharredpiecesandcleanedupthe
water,amongotherroutinepostfiretasks.

Atlast,Evanhelpedtheothershaulequipmenttotheengineandstowedeverythinginitsplace.

Hetookoffhishelmetandranhishandthroughhishair,wishingthatcouldgetridofthestinkof
smoke.CaptainMendozawentovertotalktotheoccupant,awomanwholookedtobesoakedtothe

boneinahoodedsweatshirt.HershouldersdroopedandherheadhunglowasCaptainMendoza
spoketoher.

Hecouldunderstandhowhavingafireinyourhousewouldbeoverwhelmingandscaryashell,

buttruthfullythiswomanwaslucky.Thefirehadbeenslowtospreadandtherewasn’talotof
damagebeyondthelivingroom.Theslidingglassdoorhadbeenblownoutandshe’dneeda
professionalservicetorestoretherestoftheroom,butbeyondthat,themainproblemwouldbethe
smell.Theritzybeachhousewouldlikelybehabitablesoon.

Thepursethatthewomanclungtocaughthisattention—he’dseenitsomewherebefore.He

sworetohimselfasherealizedwhenandwhere:lastnight,onthefloorbetweenthefrontseatsof
Selena’sSUV.

Helookedcloserandthehairthatfelloutofthesidesofthewethoodwasdarkandwavyand

belowhershoulders.Nowthathestared,herecognizedthatstance,thelonglegs,thecurveofher
hips.

Hemovedtowardherwithoutasecondthought.
“Selena?”
Herheadjerkedtowardhim,andhecouldtellshewasjustassurprisedtoseehim.
“Evan?”Hergazerovedquicklyupanddownhim.
“Areyouokay?”Heloweredhiseyestoherabdomen.
Shenoddedastearsstartedfallingdownherface.Hell.Hemovedpastthecaptainandputanarm

aroundher.Whensheburiedherfaceintherough,dirtysleeveofhiscoat,heinstinctivelypulledher
tohim.

CaptainMendozagavehimaquestioninglook.Evannoddedonceandthecaptainwalkedoff

towardthetruck.

HecouldfeelSelena’sjerkyintakesofbreath,tellinghimshewascrying,butshekeptitsilent.

CaptainMendozareturnedandhandedhimathickblanketfromtherigandEvanthankedhim.

“Let’sputthisaroundyou,”hesaidgently.“You’reshivering.”
Shedidn’targue,justlookedathimwithsadeyesasheunfoldedtheblanketandwrappedit

aroundhershoulders.

“Iknowyou’reupset,darlin’,butareyouphysicallyokay?Didyoutakeinanysmoke?”
Selenashookherhead.“Idon’tthinkso.I’mfine.”
Hedidn’thavetofakehisconcernandpulledhertohimagain,tuckingherheadunderhischin.

“Whathappened?Doyouknow?”

S

ELENASUCKEDIN

adeepbreathandstraightened,puttingspacebetweenthem.She’dbeensosurprised

toseehim,andfeelingsoaloneandscared,thatshe’dgonetohimlikeapuppy.Nowthatshe’dcried
alloverhim,shecouldmoreeasilyrecallthewayhe’dreactedtohernews,treatedher.

“Istartedafireinthefireplace,”shesaidjustloudenoughtobeheardovertheengine.“Iwas

beatandIguessIfellasleeponthecouch.”

“Nomorefireswhenyou’resotired.”Herubbedherupperarmthroughtheblanket,butifhis

intentwastenderness,Selenaoverlookedit.

“Whatdoesitmattertoyou?”
“Selena,I’msorryaboutlastnight.Weneedtotalkbutthisisn’ttheplace.”
Anodwasallshecouldmanage.Shewasbonetired,totallyspent.Couldn’teventhinkaboutthe

dramabetweenthem.

“Iworktillmorning.Canwetalktomorrowsometime?”

“Whenever.”Shewasn’tabouttobeeasyonhimnow.Notafterthenightshe’dspentalone,

terrified,angry.

“Doyouhaveaplacetogotonight?”Evanasked.
“Takencareof,”shelied.Itwouldbe,soonenough.Maceywasonherwayandshe’deitherstay

withherorgetacheaphotelroom.

“How’dyouscoresuchanicerental,anyway?”heasked,sizingupthehouse,whichshowedno

damageonthisside.Alittleworseforwearfromageandneglect,itstilllookedmajestic,especially
withitsturretroomandwidow’swalk.

Selenaswallowed,determinedtokeepherfamily’smoneyoutofthis.“Iknowtheowner.”
“Willheputyouupsomewhereelse?Anotherrental?”
“It’salltakencareof,”shesaidagain.“Lookslikeyoubettergo.”Sheglancedaroundhimtothe

threeotherfirefighters,whowerestillcleaningup.

“I’mnotgoingtowalkoffandleaveyouherebyyourself.”
“Youdidlastnight.”
Shecouldn’thelpit.He’dhurtherandshewasn’toverityet.
Shecouldalmosthearhimcountingtoten.“IsaidI’msorry.Idon’tknowwhatelseIcando

rightnowbutIwanttodiscusseverything.Later.WhenI’mnotworking,smellinglikesmoke.”

Aredpickuptruckpulledupbehindthefireengine.Maceydescendedfromthepassengerside

andjoggedovertoSelena.

“Areyouokay?”Maceythrewherarmsaroundherasifthey’dbeenfriendssincepreschool.
Selenacouldfinallysmilegenuinelyinspiteoftheday,thefire.“I’mfine.Thehousewillbe

okaywithalittlework.Youdidn’thavetorushoverhere.”

“Youtellmethehouseisonfire,I’msupposedtositathomeandwatchamovie?”Maceyfinally

releasedherandnoticedEvan,who’dwalkedovertotalktotheguywho’darrivedinthetruckwith
Macey—Selenaassumeditwasherfiancé.“Evan?Everythingundercontrol?”

“Didn’trealizeyoutwokneweachother,”Evansaid,nothidinghissurprise.
TheotherguyshruggedandlookedatMacey.
“Icouldsaythesame,”Maceysaid,hergazedartingbetweenSelenaandEvan.
“We’vemetandEvanwasjusttellingmehehastogetbacktowork,”Selenasaid,hopingto

steerMaceytowardhertruck.

Evanstaredather,clearlywantingtosaymorebutsettlingforoneword.“Tomorrow.”
“Later,Drake,”theotherguysaidashewenttowardthedriver ’sside.
“Selena,thisismyfiancé,DerekSeverson.He’safirefighter,too.”
“Nicetomeetyou,”shesaidautomatically.
“You’recomingwithus,”Maceysaid.
Herbloodchilledatthethoughtofmarryingamaninthatkindofdangerousjob.
OhGod.
She’dbeeninsuchadazeitonlyjustnowhither.Thefatherofherbabywasinexactlythat

dangerousjob.

Nauseadoubledheroverandherheadswam.
“Selena?”Maceycameupbesideherandsupportedherarmastheygottothetruck.“What’s

wrong,hon?”

Selenabreathedinfresh,wetair,tryingtoregainherequilibrium.Sheshookherhead.“I’m

okay.Justabsorbingeverything,Iguess.”

Whichwastrue.Absorbingitasmuchasshecould.She’dpromisedherselfforsolongthat

she’dnevergetinvolvedwithsomeonewhoriskedhislifeonadailybasis.Shecouldn’thavegone
outandhandpickedsomeonewhoscaredhermore.

CHAPTERSEVEN

I

TCOULDN’TBE

thishardtochangealightbulb.Couldit?

Selenaknewfullwellshewaschallengedwhenitcametoeverydayhouseholdtasks.Not

somethingshewasproudof,butwhenyouhadastafftochangelightbulbsandvacuumthecarpets,
whywouldyouinsistondoingityourself?Ithadn’tevercrossedhermind.

Shewasn’tcomplaining.Shewasluckytohavebeenleftthishouseinherdad’swill.Even

luckiertobebackinittwenty-fourhoursafterthefire.Thedamagewasn’ttoobad—she’dalready
hadarestorationcompanyoutaswellasacontractortogiveheranestimateontheboarded-upglass
door,thankstoDerek’shelp.Someofthefurnitureanddecorfromthelivingroomhadtobetrashed
butthosewerejustthings.Thebiggestproblemwasthesmokestench,butshehadallthewindowson
themainflooropen,ceilingfansrunning,andhadmovedinextrafanstopushfreshairthrough,as
well.Someofherwardrobewouldlikelyhavetogo,butitwouldn’tfitformuchlongeranyway.

Shestretcheduptotheceilingofherstudioagain,standingontiptoeonthearmofthe

overstuffedchairshe’dpushedtothemiddleoftheroom.Sheandthebeachhousedidn’tseemtoown
aladder.Daylightbrightenedthisroomwhetherthesunshoneornot,buttohandlethemuralsandher
start-upbusiness,SJEnterprises,sheplannedtoputinworkafterthesunwentdown.Thedimbulb
that’dbeenherewasn’tatallsufficient.

It’dtakenheragestounscrewtheheavyglasscoverofthelightandthenithadslippedoutofher

handsandfallen.Thankfullythecoverhadhitthecushionedchair—barely—insteadofshatteringon
thehardwood.

Loweringherarmsandmovingclosertothenow-emptysocket,sheturnedheriPodupashigh

asitwouldgo,tryingtoloseherselfinthemusic.Shestretchedupyetagainandmadeanother
attempt.Itdidn’tseemlikethebulbwouldeverfit,butwhatdidsheknow?Shecouldbarelyreachthe
socket.

Whenamansuddenlyappearedinthedoorwayfromthestairs,Selenascreamedanddropped

thelightbulb.IttookherasplitsecondtorealizeitwasEvan.Hiseyeswidened.

Thebulbhitthechaircushion,rolledoffandshattered.
Sheyankedherearbudsoutandleftthemdangling.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Beyondthesurpriseofanintruder,herheartracedinadozendifferentdirections.Sure,he’d

saidhewantedtotalk,butshewasn’tthetypetobelieveamanwhosaidthat.Especiallynotonewho’d
reactedsobadlyjusttwodaysago.

“Makingsureyoudon’tkillyourselfchangingalightbulb,itappears.Don’tmove.”Hecame

intotheroom,glancedaroundandpickedupthetrashbasketnexttoherplasticartsupplycart.“Do
youhaveabroom?”

Selenalaughedhollowly.“Abroom?Nottomyknowledge.”Shestartedtoclimbdown.
“Isaiddon’tmove.”Evanpluckedtheglassshardsoffthefloorandtossedthemintothetrash.

“Howdidthechairgetthere?”

“Ipushedit.”Shecouldn’tpreventthe“duh”tone.
Hestoodandmethereyes.“Youarenotsupposedtobemovingheavyfurniture.”
“Sayswho?”
“Me.”
“AndwhywouldIdoanythingyousay?”
“Becauseyou’recarryingmychild.”

Shesatdownheavilyonthecushion.Sincewhendidheconsiderthebabyhischild?“LastIknew

itwasrelegatedtobeingmychild.Howdidyougetinhere?”

“Iwalked.Youshouldlockyourdoor.”
“IthoughtIdidwhenthecontractorleft.”
“Openedrightup.”Evandouble-checkedforglassshardsonthefloorthenputthetrashbasket

backwhereitbelonged.ReturninghisattentiontoSelena,hefrowned.“You’reatoughwomanto
find.”

“I’vebeenhereforhours.Ihadarestorationcompanyinhereformostoftheday.”
“Didn’tthinkyou’dbebackheresofast.Figuredtheownerwouldwanttomakerepairsbefore

lettingyouin.”

“Theowner ’sfinewithit.IwenttoDerekandMacey’splace.Leftthereearlythismorning.”She

crawledoverthearmofthechairtothefloor.Hewasloomingtoocloseandshedidn’tlikefeeling
trapped.Shebeganpushingthechairtoitsoriginalplace.

“Dammit,Selena.Doyoulisten?”
“Onlywhenitsuitsme.There’snoreasonIcan’tpushthisback.Itslideseasilyenough.”
Heremovedherhandsandfinishedthejobforher.
“Whydoyouthinkit’sokaytobargeintomyhome?”shesaid,scowlingathisbackwhilenot

allowinghergazetostraytoolow.

“Youdidn’tanswerwhenIknockedorrangthebell.”
“Thatdoesn’tmakeitokaytocomeonin.”
Hehelduphishand.“Look,Selena,Idon’tapologizemuch,letalonemultipletimesforthe

sameoffense,butI’msorryfortheothernight.Ididn’thandlethenewswell.”

“No,youdidn’t.”
“Iwascaughtcompletelyoffguard.”
“Yousaidanapology,notexcuses.”
Helookedaway,clearlyfrustrated.
“Soyou’veapologized.Nowyoucango.”
Evanshookhishead.“We’regoingtotalk.”
Shereallywantedtokickhimoutandnothearanythinghehadtosay.Whatwasthepoint?She

couldneverhaveafuturewithhim.Hemightbeaniceguy;maybehewasawarm,caringperson,but
shecouldn’t—wouldn’t—letherchildlivewiththefearoflosinghim.Selenaknewthatfeartoowell.

Goingthroughitagainwouldwreckheralmostasmuchaswatchinghersonordaughtersuffer

it.

Thesunwassinkingquickly.Sheturnedonthelampontheendtable,thensankintothechair ’s

bigcushions,tuckingherlegsbeneathher.Fatiguerolledoverherasitseemedtodoeverydaylately.
Itwasallshecoulddotoholdherheadupandlookathim.“Saywhatyoucametosay.”

Evanperchedonthestoolinfrontofhereasel.Hisfacewasetchedwithworry,shouldersrigid.

Hestudiedthepaintshe’dspatteredonthefloor,hisfingerssteepledonhisthighs.

Selenaallowedherselftoadmirethoselarge,capablehands,alittleawedinspiteofherself.

Thosehandshadthepowertosavebuildings,rescuepeople,andyettheycouldbesotenderona
woman’sbody.

“I…Weshouldgetmarried,”Evansaidfinally,meetinghergazehead-on.
Therewasatwo-secondlapseashiswordssankinandsheswitchedgearsfromthehotmemory

ofthenightthey’dsharedtotheicyfearofhavinghiminherlife.

“Whywouldwedothat?”sheblurted.“Youseemedcontenttostayoutofittheothernight.”
“Knee-jerkreaction.”
“Youdon’thavetomarryme,Evan.Thisisn’tthefifties.”

“Ido.It’smychildasmuchasyours.”
Selenachewedfranticallyonherlip.“Wearen’tgettingmarried.”
“Youhaven’tevenconsideredit.”
Shepoppedoffthechairandwalkedtotherowofwindowsthatoverlookedthewater.“Idon’t

needtoconsiderit.Theanswerisno.”

“Thisismychild,too.Wemakedecisionstogether.Youdon’tgettosayno.”
“Aboutmarryingyou?Oh,yes,Ido.”
“Soyou’refinewithmakingourchild’slifeanightmarejustlikethat?”heasked.
“It’smorelikelyitwouldbeanightmareifwedidgetmarried.”
“Doyoureallywanttogetintosplittingcustody?IgetthekidondaysA,BandCandyouget

himonD,EandF?Twobeds,twowardrobes,twotoyboxes?”

“Areyousayingyouwantcustody?”Anewfearniggledather.She’dbarelystartedtobrewthis

babyandtheywerealreadyarguingaboutcustody?Thatwasanothersliceoflifeshe’dpreferher
childtoavoid.

“I’msayingIwanttodothistogether.Inthesamehouse.”
“Sowegetmarriedforshow?”
Hecameupbehindherandbrushedherhairbackbehindhershoulder.Hisbreathcaressedthe

sideofherneck.

“There’salotmorebetweenusthanthat,”hesaidinanear-whisper.“ThewayIrememberit,we

didn’thaveanytroublemakingthingsworkinthebedroom.”

Hiswordssentunwantedheatthroughher.Dammit.“Soweshareahouseandhaveunlimited

sex.Soundslikeagreatdealforakid.”

“Betterthanthealternative.”Hepivotedawayfromherandtookoverthechair.Whensheturned

tolookathim,hisforeheadrestedonhishandsandherubbedhistemples.

“Whatchanged,Evan?Theothernightyouwerehell-bentonnothavinganythingtodowithme

orthepregnancy.Now,twodayslateryouwantthecompleteopposite?”

Shecouldseehisjawtighten,evenacrossthedimlylitroom.Hedidn’tmeethereyes.Selena

walkedovertohimascalmlyasshecouldandsatonthefatarmofthechairsincetherewasnoother
comfortableplacetosit.“Explainittome,”shesaid.“BecauseforallIknow,tomorrowyou’llbe
backto‘noway,I’mouttahere.’”

Hemerelyshookhishead.“Iwon’tchangemymind.Youcancountonit.”
“NeitherwillI.”
“Youwon’tevenconsidermarryingme?”
“No.”
Hestood,punchingtheotherarmofthechair.Hepacedtothefarwallandbackagain,then

stareddownather.“Why?”

Hewouldneverunderstandherfearsabouthisjobifshetoldhim,justashermotherdidn’ttruly

graspthewayherbrother ’sspecialopscareermadeherfeel.Theythoughtshewasoverreacting,
beingaspoiledbrat.

Selenajustshookherhead.
Evanstaredatherforalongmoment.“Unfortunately,I’mstubbornwhenIdon’tgetmyway.

I’mnotgivinguponthis,Selena.Iwillbeinthischild’slife.AndI’mgoingtomakeyouseethat
marryingmeisthebestthingforus.”

“Goodluck,”shesaid.
“Whythehelldidyoutellmeaboutthepregnancyifyoudon’twantmetohaveanypartinthis

child’slife?”Evandemanded.

Shehadn’tknownathingabouthimthen.Like,oh,hiscareer.Hiscalling.“Icouldn’tnottell

you,”shefibbed.“IguessIhoped…”

“YouhopedI’dbeajackassandwalkaway.”
“Yes.”Shesatuptallerandbracedherselftokeeplying.“That’swhatIhopedthen.AndwhatI

stilldo.”

“You’regoingtobesadlydisappointedthen,darlin’.”
Therewasnothingshecouldsaybacktohim.Allshecoulddowashopethathegotoverthishe-

man,you’re-minephasequickly.Hecouldpesterherallhewanted,butshewasnotgoingtocave.She
wouldn’tmarryEvanDrake,nomatterhowsexyandkindhewas.Becausehewassosexyandkind.
Shewouldn’tletherselflovetheman.

CHAPTEREIGHT

“T

HEREARE

twohotwomenoverthere,”DereksaidfrombehindthebarattheShellShack.“You

haven’tsaidawordtothem.Whatgives?”

Evancranedhisnecktoseewhathewasyammeringabout.“Notbadfromthisangle,”hesaidof

thetwoblondesfacingawayfromthem.Heshruggedandturnedbackaround.HeandClayhadcome
infordinnerandabeerand,foronce,that’sreallyallhewanted.

“Notbad?”Theoldmansittingtwoseatsoverharrumphedloudly.
“YouremembermyuncleGus,”Dereksaid.
Evannoddedandwaved.“IknowGus.Youcanhavedibsthistime,man.”
“Youdon’tusuallyshare,thewayIrememberit.Besides,Igotmyownwomannow.”
“WhereisThelma?”Derekasked.“Shekickyouout?”
“She’sgettingherhaircurled,boy.ThoughtI’dusetheopportunitytomakesureyou’renotstill

screwingthisplaceup.Sowhat’sgotyouinsuchadither?”HedirectedthelattertoEvan.

ClayglancedsidewaysatEvan,nodoubtwomderingifhewasgoingtocomeclean.
“Gus,diditoccurtoyouthatmaybeit’snoneofyourbusiness?”Derekasked.
“It’sfine,”Evansaid.“Goingtogetaroundanyway.”Hepausedtotakeadrink.“Igotagirl

pregnant.”

“Hoo,dog.”Gusgotdownfromhisplaceandmovedtoacloserstool.
Derekstaredathim.“It’syou?”
“What’sme?”
“YouandSelena?MaceytoldmeaboutSelena’s…predicamentbutIdon’tthinksheknowsthat

morsel.Whoa.”DerekrefilledEvan’sandClay’sdrinks.

Evandidn’tsayanything.Didn’tneedto.“HowdidsheandMaceybecomesotight,anyway?”
“Theymethereatthebar.Apparentlybecamebestfriendsforeverimmediately.Youknowhow

chicksare.Selenatoldher.”

“Hell.WasIthelasttoknow?”Evanasked.
“Don’tgetyoursexyPlaygirlbriefsinatwist.Shedidn’tsayitwasyou.”
Evanclosedhiseyes,stillnotusedtohisnewreality.“It’sme.”
“Whatareyougoingtodoaboutthekid?”Gusasked.
Evanshovedthelastofhisfriesinhismouthandchewedwhilethethreemenstaredathim

impatiently.HeandClayhadn’tdiscussedthesubjectsinceEvanhadslammedoutthedoortheother
night.“IaskedSelenatomarryme.”

Claysethisbeerdownhard.“Youdidwhat?”
“Areyounuts?”Derekasked.
“That’smyboy,”Gussaidtriumphantly.
“Marriageisgoodenoughforyou,”EvansaidtoDerek.“Whynotme?”
“Callmeold-fashioned,butyoudon’tevenknowthiswoman,doyou?”
“Iknowherintimately,”Evansaid,smiling.
Gushooted.“Thatwarrantsaroundonthehouse!”HeslidhisemptycuptowardDerek.
“You’redone,oldman,”Derektoldhimashetossedthecupintothetrash.
“You’remakingamistake,Evan,”Claysaid.
“YouthinkIshouldn’tgetinvolved?”
“Somethingtellsmeitdoesn’tmatterwhatIthink.”Claythrewhisnapkinintohisemptyburger

basket.

“Exactly.”Nowthathe’dmadeuphismind,Evanwouldn’tbeswayed,nomatterwhotriedtodo

theswaying.“Endofconversation.”

“Manknowswhathewants,”Gussaid.“Y’allshouldrespectthat.”
“Aren’tyousupposedtobepickingupaboatthisweekend?”Derektooktheemptybasketsfrom

ClayandEvanandsetthemonthebackcounter.

Evanswiggedmorebeer.“Boat’soff.I’mgoingtoneedthatmoneytosupportSelenaandthe

baby.”

“Judgingbythehouseshe’slivingin,shedoesn’tneedyourmoney,”Claysaid.“Thing’sa

freakingmansion.”

“Sheknowstheowner.Idon’tthinkshe’spayingforit.”
“Shedoesn’tgiveoffthepoor-chickvibeifyouaskme,”Claysaid.
“Soyou’regivingupyouryachtjustlikethat?”Derekasked.“Somethingyouhaven’tshutup

aboutsinceImetyou?Outthewindow?”

“Itsucks,man,butthisissomethingIhavetodo.AsmuchasIwantthatthing,Ican’tjustifyit.

Thatboatwouldtakeupabigchunkofmysavingsand,lastIknew,kidscostmoney.”

“Almostasmuchaswomen,”Dereksaiddrily.
“Icanseeholdingoffontheboat,”Clayweighedin.“Ijustthinkit’dbewisetodothesamewith

theweddingbells.”

“Saystheguywhoimmediatelyproposedwhenhefoundouthehadachild.”Evanshookhis

headindisbelief.“YouwerealreadylongbrokenupifIrememberthestoryright.”

“ThankGodsheturnedmedown.”
“Youthinkthiswoman’sgoingtogoalongwithyourgrandplan?”Derekasked.
Evansuckeddowntherestofhisbeer.“Ireckonit’lltakesometimetoconvinceher.”
“Shesaidno,”Clayguessed.
“Sofar.Iplantochangehermind.YouguysknowIhaveastubbornside.”
“AboutthesizeoftheAtlantic,”Claysaid.“Morepowertoyou.Hopeitworksoutsomehow.”
“Woman’safoolifshedoesn’tchangehermind,”Gussaid.
“Doyouactuallygetpaidforstandingaroundtalkingtoyourfriends?”Macey,fullofherusual

energy,headedstraightforDerekwithawide,flirtygrin.

EvanwatchedDerekembraceherandMaceyreachupandkisshim.
“Wagesaroundherestink,anyway,”Dereksaid,bendingdowntokissheragain,thistime

longer.“Bossisaslavedriver.”

“Doyoumind?I’mtryingtodigesthere,”Evansaid.
“Soreloser.”DerekwasobviouslyreferringyetagaintotheonedateEvanhadtakenMaceyout

on.Onetime.Actuallyitwasn’tevenworthyofbeingcalledadate,becauseMaceyhadbeenhungup
onDerekeventhen.

“Hey,Gus,”Maceysaidwhenshenoticedhim.“Thelmaletyououttoplaytoday?”
“IgooutwheneverIwantto,”theoldmancorrectedher.“Withawomanlikeher,Idon’tmuch

wantto.”

TheguyschuckledandMaceyshookherhead.
Gusglancedathiswatch.“Fact,sheoughtabehomenow.ThinkI’llgojoinher.Goodtosee

you,MaceyGirl.”

“You,too,Gus.”Theysaidgoodbyeandwatchedhimtotterofftowardthebusstop.
“Evan,tellMaceyyournewssoIdon’thaveto,”Dereksaid.
Evanleveledafrownathisfriend.“Please.Bemyguest.”
“What?Somebodytellme.”Maceylookedfromonetotheother,waitingforsomeonetospillit.

“Evan’sgoingtobeapapa,”Dereksaid.
HereyeswidenedandEvansawthemomentwhensheputoneandonetogetherandcameup

withthree.“Shenevermentionedyourname.”

“Nowyouknow.”
“Theothernightatthefire…thatmakesmoresensenow.”MaceyleanedagainstDerekasifthey

werebothmorecomfortabletogetherthanapart.“InallthechaosIforgottobringitup.”

“Didyouhearthelatest?”Derekaskedher.“Evanproposed.”
Maceysobered.“Youaskedhertomarryyou?”
“Idid.”
“Don’tworry,”Claysaid.“Sheturnedhimdown.”
Maceysteppeduptothebarandleanedoverthecountertowardhim.“You?Married?”
“Apparentlynotyet,”Evanreplied.“Iwould’vethoughtyoumightbeonmyside.”
“I’mnottakingsides.Ijustwantbothofyoutodowhatever ’sgoingtoworkinthelongrun.”
“Ithinkmarriageisit.Sotellme.HowdoIchangehermind?”
Maceytappedthecounterthoughtfully.“Givehersometime.Lethergettoknowyou.”
“That’llscareherawayforgood,”Dereksaid.
“Guys,givehimabreak.He’stryingtodotherightthing.”Maceyscowledatherfiancé.
“Yes,ma’am,”Dereksaid.
Shedeepenedherfrown,makingDereksmile.
“You’reright,”hesaid.“Iwishthebestforyou,dude.Whateverthatis.”
“Sotellusaboutthisgirl,”ClaysaidtoMacey.“Evandoesn’tknowmuchotherthanwhatshe

lookslikenaked.”

Thatwasn’tall,butEvanwasn’tabouttosharesomeofthethingshedidlearnduringtheirnight

together.Heattemptedtoactnonchalant,butthetruthwasthathewantedtohearwhateverMacey
wouldtell.

“She’sanartist,”Maceysaid.“Areallytalentedone.Andshe’sgoingintobusiness,soyouguys

shouldallbuyherstuffonceit’savailable.She’sdoingthecitymurals,too.Includingoneatthe
station.”

“Soshe’sstayingaround?”Evansaid.
Maceyraisedherbrowssmugly,whichshedidalot,butalwaysgotawaywithbecauseshe

smiledatthesametime.“IfIdidn’tknowbetter,I’dthinkyoumightbetrollingforinfo.”

“Maybe,”Evanadmitted.
“WeneedtoknowifthiswomanissomeoneEvancantrust,”Clayadded.“ThetimesI’veseen

hershe’ssopreoccupiedwithDaddy-Ohere,shebarelysaystwowordstome.”

“Selenahasagreatpersonality.”
“Aww,don’ttellthemthat,”Evansaid.“Youdon’tdoherjustice.”
“It’sthetruth.She’ssuperniceand…”MaceypeeredatEvanthoughtfully.“Andthat’sallI’m

goingtotellyou.Ifyouwanttoknowmore,youcanaskher.Gettoknowheryourself.I’mnotyour
spy.”Againwiththesmugsmile.

“Iintendtotry,”Evansaid.“Buttherearetwoproblems.One,Idoubtshe’llwillinglyanswer,

andtwo,Istillhaven’tmanagedtogetherphonenumber.Maybeyoucouldhelpmewiththesecond
one.”

HeignoredthehowlsfromClayandDerekandslidacleannapkininfrontofMacey.Reaching

overthecounter,hegrabbedapenfromthenearbycashregisterandhandedittoher.Shelookedat
himbutdidn’tmove.

“That’sfine,”hesaid,raisinghishands.“Yougoaheadandbedifficult,Mrs.Derek.Icanwork

aroundyou.”

Maceylaughed.Shepickedupthepenandwroteanumberonthenapkin.“Ihavenodoubtinmy

mindthatyoucan,soI’llsaveyousometime.Butyou’llhavetoconvincehertoseeyouonyour
own.Delvedeepintothatwellofcharm.”

Evantookthenapkinfromherandtuckeditintohisbackpocket.Hethrewsomebillsonthe

counterandstood.“I’mouttahere.”

“Goodluck,man,”Claysaid.
“Tellheryou’regivingupyourlifelongdreamofowningaboat,”Dereksuggested.“Maybe

that’llmakeherseeyou’reserious.”

Everyonehadadvice.Ifhethoughtanyofitwouldwork,he’dtryit,becauseSelenawaspossibly

thebiggestchallengehe’deverfaced.Itmighttakeallninemonthsofherpregnancy,buthewould
wearherdown.Somehow.

CHAPTERNINE

E

VANHAD

beenmullingfordaysnowhowaguywassupposedtogetsomeonetomarryhimwhen

sheneveransweredhisphonecallsorcalledhimback.

NomoretryingtotalktoSelenaonthephone.He’dcometothestationtorequestvacationtime

inafewweeks,buthe’dalsohopedshewouldbeoutfrontworkingonthemuralasshe’ddone
yesterdaywhenhewasonduty.Oncehe’dspottedher,hehadn’thadtheopportunitytogoouttoher
rightaway,andbythetimehedid,she’dquitfortheday.Today,heintendedtosurpriseher.

Evanenteredtheconferenceroom,whichhadtheclearestviewofthefrontcourtyardandthe

muraloutside.Sureenough,hespottedherstandingontheoppositesideofthecurvedwall,deepin
concentration.Headmiredhersilkydarkhair,pulledintoasloppyponytail,andwasamusedbyhow
shestuckoutthetipofhertonguetothesideassheworked.

Hishandwasalreadywrappedaroundhiscellphone,sincehe’dcheckedformessagesashe’d

walkedoutoftheadminoffice.EvanpunchedinSelena’snumberfrommemoryandhitSend.Then
hemovednearertothewindowstocatchherintheactofblowinghimoffyetagain.

Theonlycluethatthecallwenttothecorrectphonewasthedistractedmovementofherhead—

sheswitchedherfocusfromthewalltosomethingonthegroundafewfeetaway—forafractionofa
second.Heknewherphonehadtobelyingthereeventhoughthefour-foot-highwallblockedhis
view.

Thecallwentthroughtovoicemail,whereheonceagaingotarecordingsayingshewasn’t

available.Shelookedprettyavailabletohim.Hedisconnectedandcrossedhisarms,watchingher
workagain.Thirtysecondslater,hehitRedial.

Thistimeshedidn’tevenglancesidewayswhentheringingstarted.Evanstalkedtotheentrance

foyerandwentstraightoutthedoortowardher,hisphonestillpressedtohisear.Heheardringingin
stereoashedrewnearertoher,butSelenadidn’tevennoticehim.

Voicemailagain,ofcourse.Thistimeheleftamessage.
“Youknow,it’smightyrudetoignoreaguytimeaftertimewhenhecalls,”hesaidintothe

phone.

Selenaturnedherheadsharplyinhisdirection.Theireyesmetbuthekepttalking,still

recordingasifhewasn’tstandingtenfeetawayfromher.

“I’vecalledyouseveraldozentimesnowandwhilemostmenwouldtakeyoursilenceasa

rejection,you’renotsoluckywithme.SoI’mgoingtokeeptryingandhopeyoutakepityonmereal
soon.”

Evanendedthecallandraisedhiseyebrowsashelookedather.
“Iwastryingtogetthispartofthesketchjustright,”sheexplained.Lamely,inhisopinion.
“Whatabouttheotherthirty-seventimesI’vecalledinthepastcoupleofdays?”
Shesmiledsheepishly.“Wasthatyou?I’msorry.Ididn’trecognizethenumber.”
“Youdon’tlieverywell.”
Hewalkedaroundthewalltoseeherwork.Alightlysketchedcollagewasbeginningtotake

shapeacrosstheentiretwentyfeetofsurface.Itappearedtobeasketchoffirefightersfightingabig
blazeinalargebuilding.Hethoughtherecognizeditfromthecoverageofthehotelfirefourorfive
yearsago.“Lookinggood.”

“It’llgetthere,”shesaid,eyeingitcritically.
“YouthinkifyouignoremeI’llgoaway?”heaskedinafriendlytone.

Hershoulderssagged.“Hoping?”
“Youseemedtolikemethatfirstnight.”
Selenastaredattheground.“It’snotthatIdon’tlikeyou.Idon’treallyknowyou.Ijust…”She

shrugged.“I’mnotgoingtomarryyou,Evan.”

“Scared?”
“No.”
“You’reafraidifyouspendanytimewithmeatall,you’llfallheadoverheelsinlove.Then

you’llbebeggingmetomarryyou.”

“Dreamon.”
“Havedinnerwithme.”
“I’mworking.”
Evanglancedatthesky.“Thesunlightisn’toptimal.”
“Areyouanartistnow?”sheasked.
“No,butIcanseethelightoutherewillsuckinabouttenminutes.”
“Yeah.”Selenalookedattheskyandfrowned.“I’malmostdonefortheday.”
“I’llwaitforyouandthenwecangograbsomefood.”
Sheturnedherheadtohimagain.“Ineveragreedtoadate.”
“Notadate.Justnourishment.Youhavetoeat.”
“I’mcoveredwithpaintandgrime.I’drathergohome.”
“Tellyouwhat.YoufinishupherewhileIgogetsomefood.I’lldeliver.”
“Youdon’tplayfair.”Shedidn’tseemparticularlythrilled,butthatwasokay.He’dchangeher

mindabouttheirfuture,onegray-mattercellatatime.

“Where’syourSUV?”
“Iwalked.”
“I’llpickyouup,then.”
“Idon’tknowwhatyouexpect,butI’mexhausted,”shesaid,bendingtoputsomeofhersupplies

inalargeplasticbox.

“Iexpectyoutoeatenoughfortwopeople.I’llbebackinfifteen.”
Hewalkedawaybeforeshehadachancetoprotestfurther.

S

ELENARUSHED

throughhershowerinsteadoflingeringinthehotwaterasshelongedtodo.Having

Evaninherkitchenmadeherantsy.Oh,whowasshefooling?Havinghiminthesamelatitudemade
herdownrightnervous.

Attimesinhispresence,allshecouldthinkaboutwasthenightthey’dbeentogether.Therewere

momentswhenshecouldfoolherselfintobelievingthey’dknowneachotherformuchlongerthan
theyactuallyhad.Butthenhe’dlookatheracertainwayandherstomachwouldflutterandflip,
drivinghomethatshewashavingababywithastranger.Adisturbinglyhotone,atthat.

Shefinisheddryingoffandtoldherselfthatsearchingforherlightyellowlacebra—whichwas

fastbecomingtoosmall—andmatchingpantieswasjustmaintainingthestatusquo,notanattemptto
besexy.Tocompensate,shepulledonoldleggingsshe’ddecoratedwithpaintandherfavoritepink
zip-uphoodie.Justaneverydaydinnerinhereverydaybeachhousewithaneverydayguy.

Right.ExceptMr.EverydaylookedlikeGod’sanswertoAngelinaJolieand,oh,shehappenedto

becarryinghischild.

Selenasatonthebed.
Herstomachgrowled;shewasborderingonnausea.Hehadfood—shecouldsmellitfromhere.

Shedriedherhairandskippedmakeup.Ifshedidn’tgetsomefoodnow,shemightpassout.
Evanpresidedoverthetable.Infrontofhimwasaloadeddoublecheeseburger,largefriesanda

drinkbigenoughtocorrectanationaldrought.Selena’splacesettingheldnoticeablylessfood.

“Asaladandalittlekid’smilk?”sheasked,tryingtohideherpanicthatshewouldnevergetfull.
“It’sabigsalad,”hesaid.“Ididmybesttokeepithealthyforyou.I’msureyoudon’twanta

bunchofgreaseandfat.”

Okay,hisintentionswerethoughtful,but…
“Yousaidityourself,I’meatingfortwo.”
“Ishould’veorderedasecondsalad,”Evansaid.
“Plusaburgerandfries.Don’ttakethisthewrongwaybutIcouldeatatruck.”
Hiseyesrovedoverherbodyandshedidn’tmisshisappreciation.“Whereareyougoingtoput

allthat?”

Herhandautomaticallywenttoherabdomen.“Inhere.Thankyoufortryingtokeepithealthy,

butI’mgoingtorunandgetmyselfmore.Sometimesgreaseisnecessary.”Herpurseandcellphone
wereonthecounterandshewenttowardthem.

“Sit,Selena.Youcanhavemyfood.”
“Whatareyougoingtoeat?”
“I’llstartwithyourhealthysaladunlessyou’redyingtoeatit.”
Sheshookherhead.
“AndthenI’llgetmorewhenItakeyououtforicecreamafterward.”
“Idon’tneedicecream.”
“Doyoulikeit?”heasked.
“Ofcourse,but…”
“Pregnantwomenaresupposedtoeatlotsoficecream.I’mgettingyouanextra-largesundae

fromLambert’sonthebeach.”

Sheconsideredarguing—theirdealhadonlybeenforaquickdinner.But…icecream.Itsounded

heavenly,andnowthattheideawasinherhead,sheknewshewouldn’tforgetaboutituntilshe
satisfiedthecraving.“Somuchforhealthy.I’lleattheburger.Youkeepthefriesandsalad.”

“We’llsplitthefries.”
Sittingdown,sheagreed.
Thephoneshe’dleftonthecounterrangthen—anirritatingcacophonyofbirdtweetsand

squawks.Sheknewthatringandtheonepersonitsignaledalltoowell.

“I’llgetthatforyou,”Evansaid.
Selenaheldupherhand.“Don’t.It’snotsomeoneIwanttotalkto.”
Evanwasabouttogetupandstopped.“SoI’mnottheonlyonewhosecallsyouignore.”
Selenabusiedherselfscoopingupanerrantsplatterofmayowithafry.
“Isthereanyonewhosecallsyouactuallyanswer?”heasked.
“Afewluckypeople,”shesaidnoncommittally.
“Who’sthepoorsuckerlumpedintothesamecategoryasme?Aboyfriendsomewhere?An

ex?”

“Mymother.”
“Ouch.”
“Don’ttellmeyouneverscreenyourcalls,”shesaid.
“Ineverscreenmycalls.Ifigurethey’lljustcallbacklater.Mightaswelldealwithitandgetit

overwith.”

“Soyoudohavepeopleyoudon’twanttotalkto.”
“Onoccasion.Doestheblowingoffeverworkoutforyouintheend?”

“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”sheasked.
“YoutriedtoignoremeandhereIam.”
“Icouldstillkickyouout.”
“Butyouwon’t.Youwantthatsundae.”
Selenachuckled.“Youthinkyouknowallmysecretsnowthatyou’vefoundthefoodbutton.”
“Iknowafewofyourmostprivatesecrets,”hesaid,andthelookhegavehermadeitclearhe

wasreferringtotheirnighttogether.Herbodyheatedup.

“I’mnotmarryingyou.”
“I’veneverhadtofeedapregnantladybefore,”Evansaidasifshehadn’tspoken.Hegrinned

andwatchedwithunabashedinterestasSelenastuffedthepiled-highburgerintohermouth.

“Me,neither,”shesaidafterchewing.“It’sapparentlyabigjob.”
“Haveyouhadmorningsickness?”heaskedbetweenmouthfulsofsalad.
“OnlywhenIwakeup.Crackerstakecareofit,though.”
“Thedoctorsaidthat’snormal?”
“Ihaven’tbeentoadoctor,”Selenaadmitted.She’dlainawakeforhoursacoupleofnightsago

worryingaboutbothherlackofmedicalcareandhealthinsurance.

“That’simportant,isn’tit?”
“I’mgoingsoon.”
“Doyouhaveanappointmentyet?”
“Whatisthis,twentyquestions?”
“Whatareyouhiding?”
Selenaopenedthesquatlittlemilkcartonanddrainedmostofitinonego.“I’mnothiding

anything.I’mgoingtotheSanAmaroCountyhealthclinicnextweek.”

“Thefreeclinic?”Evan’sdisbeliefstartledher.
“Yes.”Sheraisedherchinanotch.She’dneverbeentoafreehealthclinicinherlifeandno

matterhowhardshetriedtotellherselfitwasfine,itwastheperfectsymbolofjusthowmuchher
lifehadchangedinafewweeks.

“Youcan’tgothere,”Evansaid.
“Ican.”Sheatethelastbiteofburgerbeforeadding.“Ihaveto.”
“Youshouldgotoanobstetrician.”
She’dpreferthatbutherdaysofbeingchoosywereover.“Areyouasnob?”sheasked.“Free

clinicshavegooddoctorsonstaff.AlotofthekidsIworkedwithinBostonwenttothecountyhealth
clinicandgotdecentmedicalcare.”

“Theoneherehasproblems.They’vehadtroublegettingadoctor—apparentlythere’sa

shortageinthisarea—sotheyonlyhaveanurse-practitionermostdays.”

“What’swrongwithanurse-practitioner?”Shehadageneralruleofavoidingmedical

personnelofallkinds,butpregnancyhadawayofforcingawomantogetoveramedicalphobia
fast.Selenahadalreadyacceptedthatshe’dhavetoseealotmoreofdoctorsthanshewantedforthe
nextfewmonths,butshewasn’tsureaboutanurse-practitioner.Evanmadeitsoundscary.

“Withmostnurse-practitioners,nothing.Ijustdon’tcarefortheoneintheclinic.Iwentto

schoolwithherandknowtoomuchabouther.”

Heranxietymadeherfeelasifherchestwasclosingin.Shewastrappedandcouldn’thidethe

factanymore.“Idon’thavemoneyorinsurancetopayforadoctor ’sappointment,”shesaid
breathlessly,asheenofsweatpoppingoutonherbrow.

“Ifyou’dmarryme,you’dhavethebestbenefitsontheisland.”
Sheslidherchairbackandstood.“Canwegetthaticecreamnow?Youmuststillbehungry.”
Hestaredatheramoment,thenwiselyhestoodandtookhiskeysoutofhispocket.

Theythrewawaytheirtrashandlockedupthehouse.Evanopenedthepassengerdoorofhisbig

blackpickupforherandsheclimbeduptotheseat.“Doesthesizeofthisthingeverseemlike
overkill?”sheaskedashegotinonthedriver ’sside.

“Nah.Comesinhandy.”
“Iimagineit’sabighitwithallyourlegionsofdates.”
“WhatmakesyouthinkIhavelegionsofdates?”
“Don’tyou?”
Heturnedhisheadtolookatherandsmiled.“Don’tbelieveeverythingyouhear.”
Afewminuteslater,theywereinthetruckagainwiththeiricecream.He’dorderedabanana

splitandSelenahadgoneforabutterpecansundaethatwasasbigasherhead.Thewindwastoo
strongforthemtoenjoytheirdessertsoutside,andshehadn’tinvitedhimbacktoherplace,sohere
theysat.

“I’mgoingtotakeyoutoadoctor,”Evansaidoutofnowhere.
“No.”
“Whynot?”
“Itoldyou,Idon’thavethemoney.”
“I’mofferingtopay.”
Sheshookherheadwithouthesitationassheswallowedicecream.“Ican’tacceptthat.”
“Whynot?”
“Ihardlyknowyou.”
Hestaredather.“You’veseenmyunderwear.”
Shelookedhimintheeye,startingtogrin.“Andthensome.”
TheireyeslockedforseveralsecondsandSelenafoundherselfpicturinghimoutofhis

underwearagain.

Evanbrushedherhairbehindherearinagesturethatdidn’tfeelasinnocentasitshouldhave.

“It’smybaby,too.Iwantbothofyoutohavethebestcare.Letmedothis.”

Shewasn’tsureifitwasthelight,erotictouchofhisfingersonherjaworjustaneedtohave

someoneelseinonthiswithher,butshefoundherselfnodding.“Justthisonce.”

E

VANCOULDN’TDENY

hisdesireforthiswoman.Hereallyneededtokeepcontrolofhimselfaround

her—comingonstrongwoulddonothingtomakeherseehiswayaboutmarriage—butitwasasif
she’dcastaspellonhim.Helikedbeingwithher.Likedthatshedidn’tpullpunches.Hewasrelieved
she’dfinallyagreedtogotoarealdoctorandlethimpay—hesuspectedthatwasn’teasyforher.

Anddamnifhedidn’twanttokissherlikecrazyrightnowasshestaredathimacrossthefront

seat.Hereyesglitteredseductivelyinthemoonlight,reelinghimin,drawinghimcloser.

Selenasethersundaedishinthecupholder,andEvanbrushedherhairbackfromherface.He

ranhishandtothebackofheralluringneckandpulledherlipstohis.

Hetookinherscent—vanillawithahintofpeach—andburrowedhisfingersintohersoft

waves.Theirtonguesmetandtheintimacyofthetouchdrovehisdesirehigher.Hebreathedherin.
Wantedtoconsumeher.Buthefoughttoholdhimselfincheck.Hecouldtellshewasholdingherself
back,aswell.Beingcareful.

Shebackedawayfromthecontacttooearly,andhelether.Notbecausehewantedtokeepit

undercontrol—itwastheopposite,actually.Theslightesttouchfromhermadehimcrazy,brought
theirlovemakingbacktohiminanonslaughtofmemories.Anotherfewsecondsofkissingher
wouldn’tbeenough.

“Youdidn’tallowthatjustoutofgratitude,didyou?”heaskedhuskily.
“WhatifIdid?”Shedidn’tquitesmileandhecouldn’ttellwhatshewasthinking.
“ThenIlikethewayyoushowyourthanks.”
“Itwasn’tgratitude.I’dmuchrathernotbeindebtedtoyou.Justaslipup.Mybad.”
Hewovehisfingerswithhersandpulledhercloseagain,unabletoresisttouchingher.“You

aren’tindebtedtome,firstoff.Andsecond,notathingaboutthatwasbad.”

“Idon’twantyoutogetthewrongidea.NextthingIknowyou’llhaveapreacherhired.”
Hechuckled.“IliketothinkIwouldn’thavetoforceawomantomarryme.Ihavefaithyou’ll

comearound.”

“What’dtheyputinyourdrink?”
“Nothing,unfortunately.”Heleanedbackinhisseattoresisttheverynaggingtemptationtotaste

hersomemore.“Selena,Ilikekissingyou.”

Hecouldactuallyseeherguardgoup—hershouldersstiffenedandallsignsoflevity

disappearedfromherface.

“That’sacompliment,”hesaid,unwillingtothinkabouthowmuchhewantedtoputagrinback

onherface.

Shenoddedonce.Shewasn’tgoingtogivehimaninch.
“MaybeI’mthedensestmanalive,butitseemslikemaybeyoulikekissingme,too.”
“Okay,yeah.Ido.Untilyougetallcockyafterward,”shesaidstubbornly.
“Here’sthedeal.Ourfutureisn’tresolvedyet.ThatlittleMwordthatsendsyouintoorbitwill

comeupagain.Butwhyshouldn’tweletthingshappenastheyhappen?”

“Things?”
“Kissing.Whathaveyou.Ifyou’resuddenlyoverwhelmedbytheneedtocrawlalloverme,why

not?”

Selenaalmostchuckledbutstoppedherself.“Weneedtoworkonyourself-esteem,builditupso

you’renotsomodest.”

“Mypointisthatwecankisswithouthavingtogetmarried.Can’twe?”
“Wejustdid.”Shehadn’trelaxedabit.
“Okay,then…”
“TryitagainandI’llhurtyou.JustbecauseIletithappenoncedoesn’tmeanIwillagain.”
Evangrinnedandstartedupthetruck,knowinghisfunwasoverfortheevening.“Okay,let’s

review,”hesaidashedroveoutofLambert’sparkinglot.“Twothingswe’veestablishedtonight.
Numberone—feedthepregnantwoman.Well.Two—kissingisperfectlyacceptable.”

“Oneoutoftwoisn’tbad.Thenaddthree—drivethepregnantwomanhomenowbecausesheis

hormonal,exhaustedandnotkissinganymore.”

Heglancedoveratherandthoughthowprettyshelookedwhenshecoppedanattitude.
Changingthiswoman’smindwasgoingtobeanythingbutboring.

CHAPTERTEN

S

EVERALDAYSLATER,

Selenashiveredasshestaredintotheeyesofthreemenlongdead.

Thiswassomethingshehadn’tbargainedforwhenshe’dtakenonthemuralproject.She’dopted

tostartaddingcolortothecenterpanelofthefirestationmuralfirst,maybesubconsciouslyhoping
togettheworstpartoverwith.Maybeshe’dknownitwouldshakeherup.

Addingdetailstothefirefighters’eyeshaddoneit.Shesupposeditwasasignthatshe’dgotten

thesparkle,thelifeinthemjustright,butthatwaslittleconsolationatthemoment.

Theseheroicmenhadlosttheirlivesonthejob.They’dbefrozenintimeonthiswallforyears

tocome,alwaysthesameage.DavidAcevedohaddiedatthirty-two.JimmyAdolfatthirty-eight.And
FrankWerschler,twenty-seven.Frank,inparticular,brokeSelena’sheart.Hewasherage.Younger
thanEvan.Hadn’tevergottentobeinhisthirties.Fromwhatshe’dread,he’dleftbehindawifeand
threeyoungchildrentosomehowgoonlivingwithouthim.

Selenaknewfirsthandthesurvivorshadnevergonebackto“normal.”Knewthatwhateverhad

happened,they’dhadtofillholesthesizeoftheGrandCanyonintheirlives.Therewasnowayto
ignoretheemptychairatthedinnertable,nowaytoavoidtheexcruciatingfinalityofsortingthrough
thebelongingsofalovedone.

Forher,theaftermathoflosingherfather,eventhoughhe’dbeenFBIandnotafirefighter,had

meantthebreakingapartofherfamily.Hermotherhadchangedafterthat.Inonefellswoop,Selena
had,inessence,lostbothofherparents.Shewonderedhowdeepthedeathsofthesemenhadrocked
theirownfamilies’foundations.Couldn’thelpthinkingaboutthepricethechildrenandotherloved
onesendeduppaying.

Instinctively,sheplacedherlefthandonherabdomenasfearforherchildovercameher.So

manythingsinthislifethatshemightnotbeabletoshieldthelittleonefrom…Howdidparents
handlethat?Howdidtheyletgoofthefearsandfocusonthejoys?Hermothercertainlyhadn’tbeen
ableto.Whydidshethinkshecoulddoanybetter?

TearsblindedherasshetriedtotouchupFrank’schin.Sheendeduphavingtoputherbrush

down.Suckinginheavy,humidair,shestruggledtoregainhercomposure.

Selenadecidednowwasasgoodatimeasanytotakeabreak.Shewenttoherbagandpulledout

anapple,thencircledaroundtotheunpaintedbacksideofthewall.Sittingonthepavement,she
saggedagainstthewall,bonetired.

Partofhermoodwasfirst-trimesterfatigue,shedidn’tdoubt,butthatwasjustafractionofher

problem.Shepushedherselfhardonherpaintingseachnight,workingintotheearlyhourstogetas
manydoneasshecould.SheandMaceyhaddiscussedthebenefitsofproducingmorenowinthe
hopeofbeingabletodolesslater.Afterthebabywasborn.

Herfirstworksofartwerecurrentlybeingproducedontomerchandiseandwouldbeavailable

insomeofthelocalgiftshopswithinaweek.She’dchosenseveralbeachscenesforthecompany
Maceyhadhookedherupwithtocreatetoteandbeachbags,coasters,makeupbagsandkeychains.
Plusshe’dsecuredconsignmentspaceinagalleryontheislandandhadfouroriginalsupforsale.
Thehighpricesthegalleryownerhadputonherworkhadshockedher.Butshe’dtriedtohideher
reaction,toseemlikeaseasonedpro—eventhoughbeforenow,she’dneverofferedasinglepiece
forsale.

Thealarmeruptedfromthefirestation.Herbodyreactedautomatically,herheartracingandher

mouthgoingdry.

Evanwasonduty.
Shesatupstraightersoshecouldwatchthetruckpulloutofthebay.Inlessthantwominutes,the

brightredfrontappearedanditpulledintothestreet.

Therehewas.Backseat,passengerside.
Pleaseletthiscallbenobigdeal.Afalsealarm,even.
Scenesflashedthroughhermindofburningbuildings,chokingsmoke.ProbablyfromTV

shows,andherimaginationhadonlybeenstokedbyherownrecentfire.

Asthetruckspedoffnorth,theambulancetrailingit,Selenaclosedhereyesandprayedfor

Evan’ssafety.

“Areyousleepingonthejob?”
Selenasprangtoattentionandopenedhereyes,relievedtoseeitwasonlyMaceywalking

towardherfromthemaindoorofthestation.

“Howareyousocalm?”Selenaaskedher.
“Whywouldn’tIbe?JusttooklunchtoDerek.”MaceystaredatSelena,whoseeyeshadstrayed

backtotheemptybay.Maceyglancedthatway.“Oh,thecall?Didthatupsetyou?”

“Ishouldn’tworry.Ibarelyknowhim,whereasyou’reengaged.Derekwasdriving.”
Maceysmiled.“Suchaboy.Helovesdrivingthetruck.”
Selenastudiedher,searchingforsomesignofpanic.“Howdoyoudoit?”
“Dowhat?”
“Howdoyouwatchthemdriveofftowarddangerwithoutlosingyourmind?”
Maceystaredupthestreetwherethetruckhaddisappearedandshrugged.“Bigfiresarerare.

Thereallydangerousstuffdoesn’thappeneveryday.”

“Butthere’sriskeverysingletimetheygoout,”Selenasaid.
“Sure.There’sriskeverytimeoneofusgetsintoacar.”Maceyslidherbackdownthewalland

satnexttoSelena,whohadslumpedbackdown.

“Differentodds.Areyoureallyabletonotworrywhenhe’satwork?”
“Ican’t.IfIdid,I’dbeaheadcaseandneedapaddedwhiteroom.”
“Youjust…don’t?How?”
“Self-preservation.AndItrustDerek’sabilities.Hewantstocomehome.”
AdifferentsirenwailedinthedistanceandSelenastraightened,onalertagain.
“Police,”Maceysaid.“Selena,youhavetorelax.Youneedtostaycalmforthebaby’ssake.”
“IwouldifIcould.”Sheputherhandonherchestandfeltherracingheart.“ThisiswhyIcould

nevermarryEvan.”

Macey’sheadwhippedtowardSelena.“Itsoundslikeyou’veconsideredit.”
“Forabouttwentyseconds.Itwouldn’twork,though.Icouldn’tlivewiththepanicI’dfeelevery

dayhegoesofftowork.”

Maceyopenedherpurseanddugthroughituntilshefoundapackageofgum.Sheoffereditto

Selena,who’donlymanagedtotakeonebiteofherapple.

“No,thanks,”Selenasaid,distracted.
Maceyunwrappedapieceandstuckitinhermouth.“Letmeaskyousomething.”
“Youcanask…”SelenahadnoticedsomethinginMacey’stonethatworriedher,toldhershe

wasn’tgoingtolikethequestionatall.

“WhatifEvanquithisjobtomorrowandbecamea…hmm.Aconstructionworker.Wouldyou

marryhimthen?”

“Construction?Youthinkhe’dbehappywiththat?”
“That’snotthepoint.Fornow,we’llsayyes,he’sincrediblyexcitedaboutgettinginto

construction.Hedoesitbychoice.”Maceypeggedherwithastare.“Wouldyou?”

Selenaallowedherselftoimaginethescenarioforaminute.“Notafairquestion,”shefinally

said.

“Ha!Thattellsmelots.”Maceyraisedherchinsmugly.
“TheanswerisIcan’ttell.Idon’tknowhimwellenoughtoconsidermarryinghim.Thisisall

sobizarre,thesituationwe’rein.Somepeoplesleeparoundallthetimeandneverget‘caught.’Idoit
onetimeandwinduppregnant.”

“Showsthatoddsdon’tmeanawholelot.”
“IlikeEvan.He’scaringandgiving,”shesaid,thinkingofhisinsistencetopayforherdoctor ’s

appointment.“Hecanbebossyandstubborn.”

“Can’ttheyall.Couldyoueverlovehim?Ifhewasn’tafirefighter…”
“Maybe.”Shetriedhardnottomulloverthepossibilitymostofthetime.
“Areyouattractedtohim?”
Selenalaughed.“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Ithinkhe’sverygood-lookingandhasthatirresistiblecharm.”
“Andyetyouresistedhim.”
“IwastoobusychasingDerek.”
Selenanodded.“I’mattractedtohim.Attractiongotmeintothispredicament.Butlustdoesn’t

meanlove,andamarriagecan’tworkwithoutlove.Sothere’syouranswer.”

“Lustcanbethebeginningoflove,though.YouandEvanmakesuchagoodcouple.”
“Basedonwhat?”
“Ijustsenseit.”
“Areyouspoutingwoo-woostufftome?”Selenagrinned.“Youwantustobetogetherisall.”
“It’dmakethingseasierforbothofyou.Admitit.”
“There’snothingeasyaboutmeandEvan.It’sbeenatwistedmessfromthefirstnightwewere

together.”Selenastoodandbrushedoffherbackside.“Besides…evenifIlovedhim,itwouldn’t
changethathe’safirefighter.Ican’thandlethat.”

“Youcouldworkthroughit.Ifyouwantedto.”
“Idon’t.I’mtryingtostayawayfromhimasmuchasIcan.We’llbothbebetteroffthatway.”
“Sonowwouldprobablybeabadtimetoaskyoutocomewithmetotheannualfiredepartment

versuspolicedepartmentvolleyballgame?”

“Yes.”
“Yes?”Maceyrepeated.“You’llgo?”
“Yesit’sabadtimetoask.Whenisit?”Selenaaskedwithoutanyenthusiasm.
“Nextweekend.Theymakeitawholeevent.Putthetruckoutforkidstosee,servehotdogsand

burgers.Butthemainattractionisthegame.It’ssupposedtobeentertaining—apparentlytheyplayfor
blood.”

“NothingIlikebetterthanwatchinggrownmenactlikeNeanderthals.”
“Stop,”Maceysaid,laughing.“Idon’tbelieveforaminutethatyou’resuchakilljoy.Wereyou

likethisinBoston?”

InBoston,she’dledawhirlwindsociallife,exceptforthemonthsshe’dspentcaringforher

brother.“No.Pregnancytendstochangeaperson,though.”

“True.Butyoustillneedsomefun.AndIneedsomeonetogotothegamewith.Please?”
Therecouldn’tbetoomuchharmingoing,atleastifEvanwouldbeinvolvedinavolleyball

game.Besides,shelongedtogetout“withthegirls,”eveniftherewasonlyonegirlandshe’donly
knownherforashorttime.

“I’llgo.ButIintendtoavoidEvanasmuchaspossible,sodon’tgetyourhopesup.”
“Hemighthavesomethingtosayaboutthat.Heseemstowanttobeinvolvedwiththebaby…and

you.”

“He’sdoingitoutofduty.”
“Youcan’tbesureofthat.”
“Let’sfaceit—he’sanhonorableguy,”Selenasaid.“Honorableguysdon’tshirktheir

responsibilities.Ijustneedtomakeitcrystalclearthatheisnotresponsibleformeorthischildand
thatwearenothisduty.”

“Goodluckwiththat,”Maceysaid,alsostanding.“Ithinkyou’rekiddingyourselfifyoubelieve

he’llwalkaway.”

“Hecan’tforcemetomarryhim.”
“Buthecanforceyoutogivehimaccesstohischild.Whatareyougoingtodoaboutthat?”
“Noideayet.Iwashopinghe’dgetoverthisinsistencetobeinvolved.”
“Thoseguys,thefirefighters,mostofthemarelikethat.Veryconsciousoftheirduty.”
“That’swhatI’mafraidof,”Selenamuttered.
Shewalkedbackaroundtothemuralandpickedupherbrush.Thiswasgoingtobealongfight,

butshewasn’tgoingtobackdown.

CHAPTERELEVEN

E

VANWASDOING

hisbesttowormhiswayintoSelena’slife.

Inthepastweek,sinceshe’dmadethemistakeofkissinghim,he’dcalledtocheckonher

severaltimes,broughtherasupplyofsodacrackersandtriedtotakeherout.She’drefused,using
workasasomewhatlegitimateexcuse.Theonlythingshe’dsuccumbedtowasthedoctor ’s
appointment,andofcoursehe’dinsistedoncomingwithher.There’dbeennowaytosayno,not
whenhewaspayingforit.

Now,asshesatontheexamtableintheofficeofadoctorrecommendedbyEvan’s

acquaintances,realitywasbearingdownonherinawayithadn’tbefore.

Sure,she’dacknowledgedherlifewasgoingtochangedrastically.Hadconsideredwhatthe

pregnancywoulddotoherbody.Hadevenallowedherselftoenvisionasweet,cooingbabyinher
life.Butit’dbeenadistant,vagueconcept.

Lookingaroundatthesmallroom,therewasnowaytokeepthingsvagueordistantinhermind

anymore.

Posterslinedthewallsoftheotherwisewarmlydecoratedroom:monthlyfetaldevelopment,

changesinthepregnantwoman’sbody,babygrowthcharts.Themagazineselectionwasadichotomy
ofhardcoresportsandparenting/pregnancy.Swollenbelliesflashedatherfromeverysurface.And
thatdidn’tevenincludethewallofpamphletsonamultitudeofpregnancyandnewborntopics
includingsomesheneverwould’veimaginedinahundredyears.

Aquickknocksignaledthenurse’sarrivalandforcedSelena’sattentionfromonefearto

another.

“Goodmorning,”theblondenursesaid.ShewasclosetoSelena’sageandtiny—barelyfivefeet

tall,ifthat.Hercute,freckledfacewasfullofwarmthandSelenaclungtothat.

“Hi.”
“Yourfirstpregnancy?”thenurse—Kelsy,accordingtohernametag—asked.
Selenanodded,unsurehervoicewouldwork.
ThenurseperusedtheformsSelenahadfilledoutinthelobby,askingquestionsasshewent

along.

“IsDadheretoday?”Kelsyasked,andittookSelenaafewsecondstorealizewhoshereferred

to.Dad.Thefather.Evan.

Duh.
“He’sinthewaitingroom,”shefinallyexplained,plasteringasmileonherfaceinhopesof

hidingthatthiswasn’tahappyfamilyinthemaking.

“Dr.Martinusuallylikestocheckthingsoutwithanultrasoundthefirstappointment,aslongas

you’refarenoughalong.Soundokay?”

Selenanodded.Therewasnodoubtinhermindaboutwhenthebabywasconceived.Shetoldthe

nursethedateofconceptionandKelsyenteredtheinformationonherlaptop.

“Weshouldbeabletoseethefetalheartbeating.WouldyoulikeDadtojoinus?”
HearingEvanreferredtoasDadweirdedSelenaout.Hewasn’tDad—hewasthehotguywho’d

gottenhermindoffherfamilyproblemsforanevening.Andanightandpartofamorningifyou
wantedtogettechnical.

“Uh,sure,”Selenasaid,notsureaboutanyofitandwonderingifshecouldbackthingsupby

abouttwomonthsandgetado-over.

“What’shisname?I’llcallhiminoncewegetyousettledintheultrasoundroom.”
“Evan.”
Hewasgoingtolovethis.Not.
Selenafollowedthenursetotheendofthehallwayandintoalargerroomwithahandysupply

ofscary-lookingequipment.

“Undressfromthewaistdown.There’sasheetonthebedtodrapeoveryourlegs.Lieonyour

backonthetableandrelax.We’llgiveyoutimetoundressandthenthey’llbein.”

KelsydisappearedbeforeSelenacouldprocesswhatwasabouttohappen.Shecouldn’tthinkof

anythingworsethangettingnakedatthedoctor ’soffice—exceptgettingnakedandthenhavingaman
shebarelyknewintheexamroomwithher.

Shehurriedtothedoorandwhippeditopen,frantictostopthenurse.Buttherewasnooneinthe

hall.Sheshutthedoorinapanic.

Okay.PlanB.KelsywouldbeshowingEvaninanysecondandifSelenawasstilldressedand

freaked-out,it’dbeobviousthisguywasn’ttheloveofherlife.EasytofigureoutSelenahadscrewed
uproyallyandwasonthepathtosingleparenthood.Besttoundressandcoverasthoroughlyand
securelyaspossiblewiththepaper-thingown.Fast.Becauseifshedidn’tmovenow,she’dbestanding
inthemiddleoftheroomhalf-nakedwhenEvanwalkedin,andthat,too,wouldbemortifying.

Sheunsnappedherjeansandyankedthemdownherlegs,nearlytrippingoverthem.Folding

themsloppily,shetossedthemononeofthechairs.Shesuckedinabreathforcourage,thentookher
pantiesoff,stickingthemunderherjeans.Withaglanceatthedoor,shegrabbedthesheetand
wrappeditsecurelyaroundherwaist.

Bythetimethedoorsqueakedopen,shewasonherback,hopefullywellcovered,hereyes

closed.

“Hey,”Evansaidascasuallyasifshewassittingtheresnackingonabagofchips.
Selenaopenedhereyesandwasrelievedhewasalone.
“Sorrytomakeyoucomeinhere.Ididn’trealizewhatIwasgettingmyselfinto.Youdon’thave

tostayifyoudon’twantto.”

Hetookherhand—theonethatwasn’tholdingherflowy,rufflyshirtdownoverthetopofthe

sheetasifnationalsecuritydependedonit—andsqueezeditgently.

“Youlookworried,”hesaidquietly.
“I’mnotabigfanofbeinghalf-nakedatthedoctor ’soffice.Ontheexamtable,noless.”
Hesmiled.“It’sbetterthancompletelynaked.Theysaidwe’regoingtoseethebaby’s

heartbeat?”

“Iguessso.Believeme,I’mascluelessaboutthisasyou.AndIwasseriousthatyoudon’thave

tostay.”

“I’dliketo.It’snoteverydayaguycanseeamicroscopicheartbeatingonascreen.Especially

onethathehelpedcreate.”

Shelookedcloselyathim,searchingforhumororsarcasm,butasfarasshecouldtell,hewas

genuinelyexcited.Ofcourse,hewasn’ttheonewhohadtohaveinstrumentsstuckGodknewwhere.

“Hello,”awoman’svoicecalledoutbeforethedooropenedalltheway.“Allready?”
Selenanodded,andEvansaid,“Comein.”
“I’mDr.Martin,”thebrunetteinherlatethirtiessaid,holdingherhandouttoshaketheirs.
Shemadesmalltalkandwentoversomeofthebasicinformationaboutthepregnancyjustasthe

nursehaddone.Shedidaquickexam,thenbeganexplaininghowtheinternalultrasoundwouldwork.
Sheclaimeditwouldn’thurt,butSelenanevertrustedanymedicalpersonnelwhosaidthat.

“Easeup,darlin’,”Evansaidquietlyintoherear.
WhenSelenaturnedtoquestionhim,hewasleaningdownandhisheadwasrightnexttohers,

closeenoughforhertofeelhisbreath.

“You’recuttingoffthecirculationinmyhand,”hesaid.“It’sokay.”
Sheexhaledandloosenedhergrip.
“Areweready?”thedoctorasked.
Selenawantedtoclarifythat“we”wasamisleadingwordsinceitwasreallyherwhowouldbe

onthereceivingendofthetorture,butinsteadshebithertongueandnodded,scaredoutofhermind.
Shesqueezedhereyesshut.

BythetimeEvanconvincedhertoopenthem,theoverheadlighthadbeenturnedoutandthe

wandwasundoubtedlydoingwhatthewandwassupposedtodoinpartsthatshereallywishedwere
leftprivate.Itwasn’tasuncomfortableasSelenahadfeared—andthensheforgotallaboutthewand
completely.

“Thereitis,”Dr.Martinsaid.
Shedaredtopeekatthescreen,followingthedoctor ’spointertoasmallblipthatpulsed

regularly.

“That’syourbaby’sheart,”thedoctorsaid.“Poundingawaystrongly.”Shepointedoutvery

generalbodyareasofthefetusandSelenafinallymadeouttheshapeofthealienbeinginherwomb.

Exceptitwasn’tanalien.Itwasababy.Fetus.Whatever.Alittlelivingbeingthatwouldsoon

growintoabiglivingbeingthatwouldrequirecaredayandnight.

NauseawelledinSelena’sgutandshecouldn’tseemtogetenoughoxygen.Sheclosedhereyes

again,tryingtoblockoutthesightandsuckinginairasifitwasinshortsupply.

“Selena?”Evancaressedherhandandleanedoverher.“What’swrong?”
Sheshookherhead,stillbreathingdeeplyandfightingtheterrorthatseepedintohereverycell.

Finally,thewandwentawayandtheoverheadlightcamebackon.Selenakepthereyesshutwhilethe
doctorwashedherhandsandrolledthemachinerytothesideoftheroomagain.

“Everythinglooksgreatsofar,”Dr.Martinsaid.“Thesizeisrightwhereitshouldbe.Basedon

thedateofconceptionthebaby’sduedateisJunetwenty-eighth.”Shesatonherstoolandrolled
closertotheexamtable.“Iseverythingokay,sweetie?”

Selenaforcedhereyesopenandnodded.
“Doeitherofyouhaveanyquestionsforme?”
“IsthereanythingSelenashouldn’tdo?”Evanasked.
Selenacouldn’thavecomeupwithacoherentquestionifsomeonepaidher,andconsideringshe

hadtopayadeductibleonherinsuranceclaimonthehouse,thatwassayingalot.Herchesthad
constrictedandhurtrightinthecenter.Therestilldidn’tseemtobeenoughoxygenintheroom,and
closinghereyesreallydidnothingtostopthewayherbodyfelt.Shewonderedbrieflyifshewas
havingaheartattackandfiguredifshewas,thiswastheplacetodoit.

ThedoctorwasgoingontoEvanaboutsomething—Selenatunedinjustintimetohearherfinal

sentence.

“Thetwoofyoucanhaveanormalsexlifeandcontinuetohaveintercourseforaslongasit’s

comfortable.”

Atthat,Selenasatupandleanedforward,handsoverherface,readytocoverherpartsand

escape.

“Goodtoknow,”Evanrepliedtothedoctor,andSelenacouldhearthesmileinhisvoice.

“Thanks,Doctor.We’llseeyouinaboutamonth.”

Thedoctorcongratulatedthemandleftthemalone.Selenaclimbeddownfromthetorturebed

andhurriedtothechairtoretrieveherclothes.Keepingthesheetwrappedaroundherlikeaskirt,she
pulledherpantieson,herbacktoEvan.Shefinallyletthesheetdrop,satonthechair,andjammed
bothherlegsintoherjeansatonce.

“Areyouokay?”Evanasked,bendingdowninfrontofher.Hisvoicewasgentle.Thatmade

tearswellupinhereyesandallshecoulddowasshakeherhead.

Shewassonotokay.
“Ihavetogetoutofhere.”

CHAPTERTWELVE

A

TTHERECEPTIONDESK,

Evantappedthepenonthecounterashewaitedforthesliptosign.Selena

hadrunoutofthedoctor ’sofficeasthoughshehadaswarmofkillerbeesafterher.He’dbe
surprisedifshewaswaitinginhistruck.Somethingwasdefinitelywrong.Shedidn’tshowanyofthe
awehe’dexpected—hell,thathe’dfelthimself—atthesightofthetinybeatingheart.Sure,the
pregnancywasn’tplanned,andtheywerebothtryingtoadjusttothenews,butseeingthatpulseonthe
monitorwasabigdeal.

“Wouldyouliketosetupthenextappointmentnow?”thereceptionistaskedasshefinally

handedoverthereceipt.Theultrasoundmadeitanexpensiveafternoon,buthewasseriousabout
gettingherthebestcareavailable.He’dgladlypayextraforthat.

“I’llhavehercall,”Evansaid.Hehadnoideawherethetwoofthemwouldbeinfourweeks,but

stablewasn’tawordhe’dusetodescribetheirsituation.Attheratetheyweregoing,itwouldtake
longerthanfourweekstoconvincehertomarryhim.“Thankyou.”

Hehurriedoutthedooroftheofficeintowhathadbecomeagray,overcastday.Selenawasn’tin

thetruck.Bigshock.Butwherethehellwasshe?

Aglanceupanddownthesidewalktoldhimshewasn’thoofingitbackhome.Finally,hespotted

hersittingagainstthebaseofapalmtreeatthesideofthebuilding,facingawayfromhim.

Hewalkedslowlytowardher,unsureofwhathewassupposedtodoorsay.Heneededtotread

lightly.

Whenhegottothetree,hesliddownthetrunkontheoppositesidefromher.Ashelandedon

theriverrocksthatlinedtheplantbed,hegrimaced.

“What’sgoingon,Selena?”
Shedidn’tspeak.Astheysatthereforwhatfeltlikeaeons,thewindpickedup,rustlingthrough

thetrees,andlargeraindropsbegantofall.Evanwasonthevergeofsuggestingtheyrelocatetothe
truckwhenSelenaspokeup.

“Ican’thaveababy.”
Adropnailedhiminthecheekandhewipedawaythemoisture.“Okay.Whynot?”
Somethinglandedontherocksinfrontofherandheguessedshe’dthrownoneofthefist-size

stones.

“Idon’tknowhowtobeamom.”
“Doesanybody?”
“I’veneverevenheldababy,Evan.Iworkedwithkids,buttheywereallolder.Walking.

Talking.”

He’dbeeninasimilarsituationwhenhistwinsister,Melanie,hadhadababyafewmonthsago.

“You’llholdoursandsomekindofmotherlyinstinctwillkickinoutofnowhere.I’msureofit.Saw
ithappenwithmysister.”

Sheshookherheadalmostfrantically.“Instinctsdon’tmatter.Youcanstillscrewitup.”
ThedropsstartedcomingfasterandEvanhoppedup.Hewentaroundtoherandheldouthis

hand.“Let’scontinuethisinthetruck.”

Shegazedupathimstubbornlyandhethoughtforsureshewasgoingtorefuse.Atlast,she

stood—surprisinghimbytakinghishand.

Hefollowedhertothepassengersideandopenedthedoorforher.Hejoggedaroundtohisside

andgotinjustasthecloudsopenedup.

Nowwhatdidhesay?Therewasnothinginhislifethathadpreparedhimforthissituation.
“Youcouldcallafriendbackhome.Familymember.Doyouhaveasister?”
Selenashookherheaddistractedly.
“Youcan’ttalktoyourmom?”
Selenalaughedhollowly.“No,Ican’ttalktomymom.She’sinthescrewing-it-upcategory.I

haven’ttalkedtoherforoveramonthnow.”

“Don’tsupposeyou’regoingtotellmewhathappenedwithher.”Hewatchedherforareaction

butgotnothing.“Didyoutwofight?”

“Forfifteenyears,giveortake.”
“Didyouleavehomebecauseofher?”
“Youcouldsaythat.”
Theysattherewiththerainpeltingdownonthecabofthetruckandthewindwhippingthepalm

frondsoutsidethewindow.Theirbreathhadfoggeduptheglasssothattheworldwasablur,butthen
lifeseemedlikeablurlately,somaybethiswasfitting.

“ItoldmymomandbrotherIdon’twanttheminmylifeanymore.Don’twanttobeintheirs,”

Selenasaid,soquietlyhecouldbarelyhearheroverthestorm.“Icouldn’ttakeitanymoresoI
packedupmystuffandleft.”

“Andcamehere?FromBoston?”
“Ididn’tknowwhereelsetogo.Myfriendsidolizemybrotherandlikemymother.Theydon’t

gethowIfeel.”

“WhatmadeyoudecideonSanAmaroIsland?”
“IcameherewhenIwasalittlegirl,”shesaid.“Remembereditasapeacefulplace,fullofgood

memories.Ithoughtitwouldmakemefeelbetter.”

“Doesit?”
Sheshookherhead.“MakesmerealizehowaloneIam.”
“Whatdidyouandyourmomargueabout?”
Selenaturnedasifjustnowrealizingwhoshewastalkingto.“Youdon’twanttohearallthis.

I’msorry.”

“Iasked.”
Shedrewherleftlegtowardherandleanedagainstthedoor.“Mybrother,Tom,isinthearmy.

SpecialForces.Justoverayearago,hewasinanexplosionandalmostdied.”Hervoicebrokeonthe
lastwordsandshewouldn’tmakeeyecontact.

Jeez.“That’srough,”hesaid.
“Itookcareofhimoncehewasabletocomehome.Itwasbasicallyafull-timejobatfirst,

monitoringhismedications,surgeries,therapysessions,helpinghimeat.I’dbeenvolunteeringfive
daysaweekattheArttoHeartCenterandIstoppedgoingsothatIcouldhelphimgethislifeback.”

“That’sabigsacrifice.”
“Nothingcomparedtowhathewentthrough.”SherubbedherupperarmsandEvanreachedinto

thebackseattograbthesweatshirthe’dleftthere.Hehandedittoherandsheslippeditoverherhead.
“Thanks.Ittooktenmonthsformybrothertorecover.Hewasoneoftheluckyones.Helosttwomen
intheexplosionandanotherthreewerecrippledbytheblast.”

“I’mgladhe’sokay,”Evansaid,watchingher.Shedidn’toffermore.“Sohowdidyougofrom

beinghiscaretakertoleavinghim?”

“He’sbackinIraq,Afghanistan,whoknowswhereexactly,”shesaidquietly,asifthatexplained

everything.“Takessomecajones,I’llgivehimthat.”

“Takesabunchofrocksforabrain!”Selenafistedherhandsinherlap.“Afteralmostdying,he

chosetogobackthere.Toputhimselfinthatdangeragain.Iunderstandthewholeserve-your-

countrything—toanextent.Understandthatthemilitaryissomethinghehadtodo.Buthealmost
died.Wealmostlosthim.Andhewentbacktoitwillingly.”Barelycontrolledragelacedherwords.

Assomeonewhothrivedonfacingunknowndangerseverydayinhisjob—granted,different

kindsofdangersfromhavingaminegooffinhisface,butstilldangers—Evancouldunderstandher
brother ’sdecision.Hisjobwassomuchapartofhimthatifhestoppeddoingit,hislifewouldn’tbe
quiteright.

Hedoubtedmentioningthatheunderstoodwhereherbrotherwascomingfromwouldscoreany

pointswithSelenarightnow,though.

“Howdoesyourmomfitintoit?”
AgrowloffrustrationcamefromSelena’sthroat.“She’sbigonhersociallife,bigon

appearances.Whenmybrotherannouncedhewasgoingback,doyouknowwhatthatwomandid?
Sheuseditasanexcusetothrowaparty!‘Hey,let’scelebrate!Myson’sgoingbacktoseeifthebad
guyscandohimincompletelythistime.WhatagreatchancetoshowIcanhostthepartyofthe
year!’”

EvanputahandonSelena’sthigh,wantingtocalmherdownbeforeshewentthroughthe

ceiling.Hedidn’tspeak,though…hadnoideawhichwordswouldbetherightones.

“Ilefttownonthedayoftheparty.Droveforthreedaystogethere.ThenightImetyouisthe

daymybrotherleftforduty.”

Everythingclickedintoplace.Herrecklessness,heropennesstogoinghomewithhim,theone-

eightyinpersonalityshe’dpulledsince.She’dbeenscaredoflosingamemberofherfamily,andhad
blownoffsomeserioussteam—withhim.

“Haveyoutalkedtoyourmomorbrothersinceyouleft?”
“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Ithinkyou’reanexpertatcallavoidance,”hesaidwithahalfgrin.“I’mgoingtovoteno.”
“IhadoneofmyfriendstellmymomI’msafe,soshedoesn’ttrytotrackmedown.Idon’twant

totalktoher.Don’twanteitheroneoftheminmylife.I’mmuchbetteroffbymyselfthanhavingto
waitforaphonecallsayingmybrotherisdead.”

“Whichbringsusbacktoyouneedingsomeonetotalkto.”
“Idon’tneedsomeonetotalkto.Ijustneed…Idon’tknow.Icecream.”
Evanchuckled,relievedtoseeevidenceofhersenseofhumor.Shedidn’tlookquiteaspale,

either.Hecheckedhiswatchandstartedthetruck.

“Wherearewegoing?”Selenaaskedasshebuckledherseatbelt.
“Lambert’sopensatten.”
“Youdon’thaveto—”
“You’regettingicecream.Noarguments.”
“I’mgoingtoweighfivehundredpounds.”
“Startthinkingaboutwhatflavoryouwant.”
Tenminuteslater,Evanreturnedtothetruck,whereSelenawaited,withalargedrinkfor

himself,abutterpecansundaeforherandaplanofactionfortherestoftheday.

“Buckleup,darlin’.We’vegotsomewheretogo.”
“Home?”Selenaaskedasshestraightenedfromherslouchandtookthebigfoamdishfrom

him.

“Youcan’tworkonthemuralintherain,correct?”
“Right,butIcanworkinmystudio.”
“Light’shorrible.Besides,youhaveplans.”Hestartedtheengineandbackedoutoftheparking

spot.

“Whataremyplans?”sheaskedwarily.

“Asurprise.”
Heglancedoveratherintimetoseehernarrowhereyes.
“Trustme,”hesaid,knowingshehadnoreasonto.Butthenshereallyhadnoreasonnotto,

either.

“Howlongwillthissurprisetake?”
“Allday.Whatdoyouhavetolose?”
“Aday.Ireallyshouldbepainting.”
“It’llwait.Youneedamentalhealthday.”
Sheeyedhimsideways.“I’mnotsureIlikewhatyou’reinsinuating.”
Evansmiled.“Youaredifficult.”
“BecauseIwon’tbendtoyourwillandgowhoknowswherewithyouforthewholeday?Or

becauseIwon’tmarryyou?”

“Yes.”
“WhyshouldIgo?”
“Becauseitmight,insomesmallway,behelpful.Youmightevenhavefun.”
“Whatisthisword,‘fun’?”
Evangrinned.“Lastchance.Here’swhereIgetonthehighwayandtakeyouaway.Unlessyou

stopme.”

Selenalookedattheroadandbackathim.“Goahead.Haveyourwaywithme.”
Shesaiditwithmoredreadthanhumor,butEvancouldn’thelpthethoughtsthatfloodedhis

mindabouthowhewouldliketohavehiswaywithheragain.Hedidn’tkidhimself.Whilemarriage
hadn’tbeeninhisplans,therewoulddefinitelybesomeperksofsharingabedwithSelenaevery
night.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

A

LL

S

ELENAHADPRIED

outofEvanonthenearlytwo-hourcartripwasthattheyweregoingtodrop

byhistwinsister ’shouseandthathissisterandherhusbandhadathree-month-oldson.Contraryto
whatEvanapparentlythought,thisservedtodonothingbutinspireterrorinSelena.

Firstoff,therehadbeennodiscussionofmeetingeachother ’sfamilies.Thatwasn’tevenonher

radarandnowshewasminutesawayfromit.

Helpme,God.
Notonlyfamily,butababy,too.Ababywashelplessandfragileandscaredthelivingdaylights

outofher.Whatifshedidsomethingwrong?Whatifshesomehowscarredhimforlife?Shehad
plentyofexperiencewithbabydollsbutnonewiththereal,squirming,breathingthing.

Thetruck’sturnsignalclickedastheyapproachedanexit,andSelena’sbodyshiftedinto

overdrive—heartrateup,bloodpressureup,stressup.Maybeshewouldthrowupwhileshewasatit.

“Trytorelax,”Evansaid.“Ithinkyou’lllikeMelanie.”
Shedoubtedshewouldlikeanythinginthenextfewhours,butwhatcouldshedo?Withadeep

breath,sheputonaneverything’s-finemaskandforcedasmileforEvan.

Hepulledintothedrivewayofahousethesizeofaglorifiedshoebox,andyetSelenawas

immediatelystruckbythehomeynessit.Itwaspaintedlightblueandhadaflowerboxbeneatheachof
twosymmetricalwindowsonthefrontfacade.Therewerethreestepsuptothedoor,andtheconcrete
waslinedwithpotsofplants.

“Ready?”Evanaskedashecuttheengine.
“Notintheleast.Evan,thiswasneverpartofthedeal.”
“What?Meetingmysister?She’sjustmysister.Atwenty-nine-year-oldnewmomwhowould

lovetomeetyou.”

“Let’sgetitoverwith.”
“Trytotonedownyourenthusiasm.Don’twanttocomeontoostrongtoherorthebaby.”
SelenaclimbedoutofthetruckbeforeEvancouldgettoherside.Shewasn’tinthemoodfor

himtobenicetoher.

Heknockedsoftlyonthefrontdoor,anditswungopensecondslater.
“Youmadeit,”hissistersaid,steppingoutsideandthrowingherarmsaroundEvan.
Shehadstrawberry-blondhairandwastallandmostlyslenderexceptforabitofapostbaby

stomachandshockinglylargebreasts.Frecklesweresprinkledacrosshercheeksandnose.She
spottedSelenaoverEvan’sshoulder.

“Hello.YoumustbeSelena.I’mMelanie.”
Selenaawkwardlyofferedahandforhertoshakeandnodded.“Nicetomeetyou.”
“Evansaidhewasbringingyoualong,buthewasverymysterious.”
“He’slikethat,”Selenasaid,eyeinghimsideways.
“Where’sthelittleman?”Evanasked,openingthedoorwider.
“Napping,”Melaniesaidinahushedvoice.Sheledthemintothelivingroom.
AsMelaniemotionedforthemtosit,theyheardbabygurglescomingfromthenextroom.
“Ornot.Berightback,y’all.”MelanieleftandEvanmovedclosertoSelenaassheglanced

around.Theinsidewasasinvitingastheoutsideofthehouse.Curtainsshe’dnoticedfromthe
drivewayhadadelicateflowerprintandmatchingribbonsholdingthemback.Coordinatedthrow
pillowscoveredthechairs,andanafghanwasdrapedoverthebackofthesofa.Asmallbookshelfin

thecorneroverflowedwithbooks,andframedphotoslinedthetopshelf.Adelicious,sweetaroma
waftedinfromthekitchen.

“Cutehouse,”SelenasaidtoEvan,walkingtotheshelfofphotostoseeifshecouldspothimin

any.Itdidn’ttakelong—hewasinMelanie’sweddingpicture,aswellasseveralothers.

“She’sHollyHomemakertoanextreme,”Evansaid,andSelenadidn’tmisstheaffectioninhis

voice.

Melaniereturnedwithatinybabycradledinherarms.Shewasplayingwithhisnoseandhe

flashedatoothlessgrineverytimeshetouchedhim.

“ThisisHenry,”Melaniesaid,totallyabsorbedinherson,andhonestly,Selenacouldkindofsee

why.Hewasabsolutelyadorableandthewayhegrinnedandrespondedtohismom…itmade
somethingdeepinsidehergowarmandsoft.

“Henry,mymainman,comeheretoUncleEvan.”
MelaniehandedhimoverandEvanheldhimagainsthischest.
Selena’sinsideswentfromwarmtocompletelypuddledatthesightofthisbigmanclearlyhead

overheelswiththebaby.HishandslookedhugeastheysupportedHenry’shead,andyethewasso
gentle.

Gah.Shewasbecomingahopelesssap.Shecouldn’thelpimagininghimlovingtheirchildlike

that,though,and,oddly,thatvisionbroughttearstohereyes.

Idiot,Selenasaidtoherself.Youcan’thaveitbothways.Youandhedonotequalafamily,soget

overit.

EvanpressedhislipstoHenry’sforeheadandthenheldhisnephewafewinchesoverhishead,

elicitingthebiggestgrinyet.“You’vedoubledinsize,littleman.Yourmamamustbefeedingyouday
andnight.”

“Ifyouonlyknewhowtruethatwas,”Melaniesaid,andSelenanoticedtheshadowsoffatigue

underhereyes.“He’sapiglet.”

“Youneedtoletyourmamasleep,”EvantoldHenry,bringinghimupsoclosetohisfacethat

theirnosestouched.

“Whydon’tyoutwoentertainHenryforacoupleofminutesandI’llbringoutdrinksanda

snack.”

“Youdon’tneedtogotoanytrouble,”Selenasaid,thinkinghowoverwhelmingitmustbeto

takecareofaninfantalldayeveryday…andnight.

“Notroubleatall.Imadechocolate-chipcookieswhenEvancalledtosayyouwerecoming.”
“Youbakedcookies?Withanewborn?I’mimpressed,”Selenasaid.
“Icheated.They’resliceandbake.Buttheydoinapinch.”
“Itoldyoushe’sthedomesticgoddess,”Evansaid.“It’sbesttodowhatshesaysandeatsome

cookies.”

“Isteaokay?”Melanieasked.
“Doesithavecaffeine?”Evanasked,surprisingSelena.
“Notadrop.I’mtryingtostayawayfromitwhileI’mnursing.”
“Soundsgood,”Selenasaid,wonderingifEvanhadtoldherwhytheywerevisitingwhenhe

calledherearlier.

MelaniedisappearedtothekitchenandEvanloweredhimselftothesofa.Selenasatnexttohim,

unabletotakehereyesoffHenry.

“He’ssocute,”shesaid.
“Ofcourseheis.MymomsayshelookslikeIusedto.”
“Yourmodestyisimpressive.”
“Wanttoholdhim?”

“No.”ShestaredatHenry’sdoll-likefacialfeatures,completelyenchantedbyhimandyet

uneasy.

“Youweren’tkiddingaboutnotbeingcomfortablearoundbabies.”
Selenashookherhead.Noneofherfriendshadchildrenyet.Onlyacouplefromhercirclewere

evenmarried.Shedidn’thaveanybabiesinherfamily.Herswouldbethefirst.

“Ihadn’t,either,”Evanadmitted.“Nottillthisguy.”HemadeafaceatHenryandearneda

gurgle.

“Youseemtoknowwhatyou’redoing.”
“Nah.Ifheneedsanything,IhandhimovertoMel.”
SelenacontinuedtowatchHenry.Heputhisitty-bittyhandinhismouthandsuckedonhis

knucklesforallhewasworth.HisotherhandflailedtowardSelena’sside.Withoutthinking,shestuck
herindexfingerouttotouchhim.Beforesheknewit,he’dgraspedherfingerandheldon.

“Kid’sgotsomegoodtaste,”Evansaid.“Sureyoudon’twanttotryholdinghim?I’llberight

nexttoyou.”

Henry’sbigblueeyeswerefocusedonhernowandshewasmesmerized.“Okay.Comehere,

Henry.”

EvanhelpedhersettleHenryonherlegs,hisheadnearherknees.Thebabyreturnedhisgazeto

Selena.HisarmswereextendedandconstantlyinmotionandSelenastuckoutherpinkyfingerandlet
himgripit.

Eyeswide,Henryputhisotherhandinhismouthagain.
Selenawatchedhimintently,fascinatedbyhiseveryjerkymovement.Shebarelynoticedwhen

Melaniereturnedandsetdowntallglassesofsweetteaoncoastersonthecoffeetable.

Henrynoticed,though,andpeeredtowardhismom.
“Hey,littleboy,who’sgotyou?”Melanieasked.Shesatinoneofthetwoarmchairsacrossfrom

thesofa,herattentionrivetedonherson.

Suddenlythesweet,smoothbabyfacewrinkledintoafrown,andthenheletoutafull-sizewail.

SelenatensedandlookedfranticallyatMelanie.

“Yourmama’sstillhere,littleman,”Evansaid.“Rightoverthere.Youinheritedherlungs,didn’t

you?”

“Iupsethim,”Selenasaid,beggingMelaniewithhereyestotakehimback.
“Notatall,”Melaniesaid,standingandpickingupababyclothfromtheendandcomingtoward

herson.“Hejustwokeupandwantstonurse.”

“Ican’thelpyouthere,”Selenasaid,puttingherhandunderHenry’sneckasshe’dseenEvando

andliftinghim.

“Comehere,”Melaniesaid,bendingdownandtakingthebaby.Shesatbackinherchair,then

startedtalkingabouttheirmothertoEvanassheliftedherT-shirt,unlatchedsomethingonherbra
andletthebabybegindrinking,justlikethat.Selenalookedaway.She’dneverseenaninfantnurseup
closeandwassurprisedatthepullonheremotions.Shetriedtoimaginefeedingherownchildbut
couldn’twrapherbrainaroundit.

“So,Selena,Evantoldmeonthephonethatyou’reexpecting.When’stheduedate?”
“Um,endofJune.”SelenaglancedupatEvan,wonderingwhatelsehe’dtoldhissister.“The

twenty-eighth.”

“Asummerbaby.You’llbereadytohaveitbythen.”
“Idon’tknow.Thepregnancy…wasn’tplanned.I’mnotfeelingreadyforanythingatall.”
“Mel,”Evansaid,histoneserious.“There’ssomethingIdidn’ttellyouonthephone.Thebaby’s

mine.”

Melanie’seyeswidenedandthenshesquealed.“Omigod,Evan!Howcouldyoukeepthatto

yourself?”

“AsSelenasaid,itwasn’tplanned.NotquitethesameasyouandBrad.”
MelanielookedfromEvantoSelenaandback.“Okay.ThenIguesscongratulationsisthewrong

thingtosay?”

“We’restillfiguringthingsout,”Evansaid.
Selenaheldherbreath,waitingforhimtomentionhismarriagecampaign,dreadingpressure

fromhissister.Buthedidn’tbringitup.

“Ihaveacoupleofpregnancybooksyoucanborrow,”MelaniesaidtoSelena.“Theyhelpeda

ton.Believeme,it’sscaryevenwhenyouplanitandprayforit.”

“Thankyou,”Selenasaid,overcomebythiswoman’skindness.“Scaryisanunderstatement.

HenryisthefirstbabyI’veheld.”

“Aw,Henry,didyouhearthat?”
Hedidn’tstir—intentashewasonnursing.
“You’regoingtohaveacousin,”Melaniesaidtoherson.
ThewordsmadeSelenasquirm.Shehadn’tbeguntoconsidertellinganyoneinherfamilyabout

herpregnancy,letalonethinkaboutEvan’srelativesandwhetherornottheywouldbeinvolved.It
wasalltoocomplexandhardtoswallow.

“I’dappreciateitifyoudon’tmentionanythingtoMomyet,”Evantoldhissister.“Sheneedsto

hearitfromme.”

“Whenareyougoingtotellher?”
“AssoonasIconvinceSelenatomarryme.”
Somuchforthegratitudeshe’dbeenfeeling.
“We’renotgettingmarried,”shesaid,tryingtokeeptheedgeoutofhervoice.
Theyavoidedthetopicforthenextfewminutes.HenryfinishednursingandMelanieburpedhim

astheytalked.

Henryletoutagrown-up-sizebelch,makingallthreeofthemlaugh.“Thathegetsfromhis

daddy,”Melaniesaid.

“Wonderwhatourkiddowillinheritfromeachofus,”Evansaid.
“Willy’allfindoutthebaby’sgenderbeforeit’sborn?”Melanieasked.
“I’mnotsure,”Selenasaid,wearierandmoreemotionallyspentthanshe’dbeeninalongtime.

“Ihaven’tthoughtaboutityet.”

“Iwanttoknowassoonaswecan,”Evansaid.
“Maybe.”Selenaclenchedherteeth.Hewasinvadingherlifeandherpregnancybitbybit,

slowlybowlingheroverandcontinuallyshockingherwiththeamounthewantedtobeinvolved.She
neverwouldhaveguessed.

Thismanwhoinsistedonbeingrightthereforeverydetailofherpregnancywassoincontrast

withthesexy,larger-than-lifecharmershe’dfirstmetatthebar.Thatmanhadbeensafer.She
wouldn’tfallforhim.

Shecouldn’tdenythatinaperfectworld,she’dwantthisEvaninherlifeandthechild’s.She’d

wantthefamily,andtherecouldevenbeachanceofthembeingahappyone.Shewasobviously
insanelyattractedtohim.Hewasanhonorable,caringman.Buthisjobwasadealbreaker.Itcolored
everythingandmadeitimpossibleforSelenatoletherselfcareabouthim.Shewishedhewasonly
thesexy-surface-strangershemetinthebar.

SheclosedhereyesasMelanieandEvanreminiscedaboutMelanie’spregnancyandthefriendly

familybattleoverthebaby’sname.EverythinghadbeenthewayitshouldbeforMelanieandher
husband,itseemed.Happilymarried,readytostartafamily.Abuilt-insupportsystemofparentsand
siblings.Thewayitsounded,thebiggestdilemmahadbeenwhethertonamethebabyafterafamily

memberorgivehimhisveryownname.

Selenahadscreweduproyally.Notjustbybeingirresponsibleforanight.Itwasasifshe’d

goneoutandpickedthemostheartbreakingcandidatetobethefatherofherchild—someonecaring
andresponsible,someonewho,inothercircumstances,shecouldimagineraisingafamilywith.
Someonewho,inreality,shecouldneverletherguarddownenoughtofallinlovewith.

Pressurebuiltbehindhereyesandinherthroat.
Thefrontdooropenedandamanwearinggreenscrubswalkedin.
“Hey,babe,”hesaidtoMelanie.
“Lookwho’shere,Henry.Daddy!”Melaniestoodandhandedthebabytoherhusband,who

leanedintokissher.“EvanbroughthisfriendSelenahereforavisit.”

Shemadeintroductions,omittingthereasonSelenaandEvanwerethere.Bradreachedoutto

shakeSelena’shandafterheshiftedHenrytohisleftarm.

“Henry’sthestaroftheshowhere,”hesaid,andthesparkleofprideinhiseyes,alongwiththe

wayhepulledMelanieclosetohim,hitSelenainthegut.Thiswaswhatfamilyshouldbe.

Theysatandtalkedforanotherhouraboutcomfortabletopics:Brad’smedicalresidency,Evan

andMelanie’smother,theislandandmore.EvanendedupconfidingaboutSelena’spregnancyand
Bradhandleditwellanddidn’tmakeabigdealofit.Selenasaggedbackintothecushionsinrelief
oncethesubjectchangedagain.

“Didyougetthatboat?”BradaskedEvan.
“No,man,”Evansaid,andSelenacaughtahintofhisdisappointment—beforehepastedagrin

onhisface.

“What?”BradandMelaniequestionedhimatonce.
“Decidedagainstit.”
“Wastheresomethingwrongwiththeoneyou’dpickedout?”Bradasked.“Ithoughtyousaidit

wasperfect.”

“Itwas.Badtimingisall.”
SelenastudiedhimasBradcontinuedtoaskhimaboutthefeatures,price,model.Evan’sfacelit

upashespokeandshewondered…wasthebabythereasonhe’dbackedout?Whateverthecause,she
gathereditwasaheftysacrificeforhim.Yetanotherrepercussionoftheirbadluck.

“Weshouldgosoon,”Selenasaidafterawhile,dyingtoescape.
She’dheldthebaby,gottenatasteofhowcuteonecouldbe,witnessedthepainfulantithesisof

hernearfuture,andnowsheneededtobealone.Shewasn’tamemberofEvan’sfamilyandnever
wantedtobe,eventhoughshereallylikedhissister,brother-in-lawandtheirbaby.Butitwasone
moreconnectionshecouldn’taffordtomakeonlytoloseit.

“Ithoughtyoudidn’thavetowork,”Evansaid.
“Ineedtofinishapaintingtonight.Besides,MelanieandBradhaveenoughtodowithout

entertainingus.”

“It’sbeengreattohaveadultconversation,actually,”Melaniesaid.“Butitsoundslikeyouhavea

lottodo.”

“Letmesaygoodbyetotheman,”Evansaid,standingandtakinghisnephewfromMelanie’s

arms.“Comehere,bigguy.”Heswunghimuphighagain,elicitingabiggrinandawadofdrool.
“NexttimeIseeyouI’llgetyoustartedonsurflessons.”

HenrymadecontentedbabynoisesasEvandrewhimcloseandkissedhischubbycheeks.

Selena’sheartconstrictedpainfully.Hewassogentlewithhisnephew.He’dbeawonderfulfather….

“I’mgladyoucame,”Melaniesaid.“Evancangiveyoumyphonenumberande-mailaddressso

youcanhollerifyouwanttotalkpregnancyorbabystuff.”

“Thankyou,”Selenasaid.Shewoulddefinitelyhaveathousandquestionsbeforethiswasover.

WhileMaceywaswellintentioned,she’dneverbeenthroughpregnancy,andwhenSelenathoughtof
herfriendsfromBoston,shecouldn’timaginebreakingthenewstothem.Unwedpregnancywasn’t
somethingtheydiscussed.“Yoursonisamazing.”

“Yourswillbe,too.Talktoyousoon.”ShetookHenryfromEvanandputherarmaroundher

brother.“Loveyou,Evan.Callme.”

“Takecare,guys,”Bradsaid.
SelenaandEvandidn’ttalkduringtheridehome.
Itwastoomuch.WatchingthehappyfamilyofthreetoreSelenaupbecauseshewouldn’thave

that.Thisbabywouldbeshortchangedfromdayone.TheirchildwouldneverhavewhatHenrydid.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

“I

SN’TTHAT

oneofyourwomenoverthere?”ClayaskedEvanbetweenserves.Theywereinthe

middleofgametwooftheannualfundraiser.Afterlosingthefirstgamebythreepoints,the
firefighterswerefiredup,determinedtoforceathirdagainstthepolicedepartment.

EvancranedhisnecktofollowClay’sgazeintothecrowdalongthewaterside.“It’sJenny.”Not

his.Hedidn’thaveawoman,buthe’dimmediatelythoughtofSelenawhenClaysaidit.

He’dgoneoutwithJennytwicebuthadn’tgottenaroundtocallingheragain.ThenSelenahad

shownup.

Likeitornot,everythinghadchangedsinceSelena.
Hehadn’ttalkedtohersincehe’ddroppedheroffaftertheirvisittoMelanie’s.Twodays,not

thathewascounting.Dammit,somaybehewas.

“Notbad,”Claysaid,stillcheckingJennyout.“Yougoingtoaskheroutagain?”
JorgeConsuelo,thecopwiththebiggestmouthontheisland,servedthevolleyballthenand

Evandoveforit.ClaysetitnearthenetandScottPataki,oneoftheparamedics,spikedit.Forbeing
suchaskinnydude,Patakihadsomepower.Theballlandedjustinsidethelineontheotherteam’s
side.

“Eatthat,”Scottsaidasacoupleoftheotherfirefightershooted.
“Y’allarealltalk.Enjoythegame,becausewe’regonnafinishitoffrealquick.”Jorgehada

cockygrinonhisface.

EvandustedhimselfoffandaddressedClay.“No,I’mnotgoingtoaskheroutagain.Whywould

I?”

“Yousureyou’renottakingyourselfoffthemarketprematurely?”Derekaskedfromtheother

sideofhim.

“Youhaven’tseenSelenaforafewdays,haveyou?”Clayadded.
“Whatiswithyouguys?”
“I’minfavorofitifyou’regettingserious,”Dereksaid.“Justwanttomakesureit’satwo-way

thing.”

“Didyouchangehermindyet?”Clayasked.
Evannearlysnarledatbothofthem.“I’mgivinghersomespace.”
HisideaoftakinghertomeetMelaniehadbackfired.Whenhe’ddroppedheroffthatevening,

she’dbeenquiet,distant.He’dlethergowithoutanyquestions.Hehadn’tbeensurewhattosay,how
nottomakethingsworse.

He’dhopedtohearfromherinthemeantime,oratleasthaveachancetotalktoheratthe

stationwhenshewaspainting.Thetimehe’dgonelookingforherduringhisshift,though,she’d
eitherbeenonabreakorgonefortheday.

Evannoticedtoolatethattheballwascomingstraightforhim.Heautomaticallyheldhishands

outtopreventbeinghitintheface,buttheballbouncedoffhispalmsatthewrongangleandwentout
ofbounds.

“Getyourheadinthegame,Drake,”Claysaid.“ForgetImentionedher.”
“Goto…Hades,”Evansaid,rememberingatthelastsecondthiswasafamilyevent.Fortunately,

themajorityoftheanklebiterswereintheparkinglotsittinginthedriver ’sseatofthetruck,
exploringtheambulanceorholdingthefirehose.

TherewasatrophyoutthereandEvandidn’ttaketolosingtoowell.Neitherdidhisfellow

firefighters.Hisreputationwasontheline,andhewasn’tgoingtoendangerthatbecauseofawoman.
Nottoday.

“F

ORWANTING

toavoidhim,yousurehaven’ttakenyoureyesoffhimmuch,”Maceysaid.

“I’mjustwatchingthegame,”Selenalied.
“Averysmallpartofthegame.”Shesaiditwithaknowinggrin.
“Youcan’tblamemeforadmiringfromafar.It’smuchsaferthancloseproximity,whichIstill

fullyplantoavoid.”

“Enjoythescenery,myfriend.IknowIam.”Maceyreturnedherattentiontothegame.
Theentireteam,aswellasacoupleofguysontheotherside,hadshedtheirshirts,eventhough

theweatherwascloudyandchilly.

Evan’stannedtorsoshonewithsweatandhishairwasamess.Themusclesonhisbackrippled

witheverymovement.Hesteppedbackandservedtheball.“Thatisart,”Selenasaid.

“Paradeo’muscles.”Maceymadeasoundofapproval.“Justlookatthem.”
“We’relooking,honey,”awomanbesidethem,probablyclosetoseventy,replied.“Whyelse

wouldwebehere?”

“Toraisemoneyforthehomelessshelter,ofcourse,”Maceysaidinfalseseriousness.“Strictly

duty.”

“GodblessAmerica,”thewomansaid.“Iftheyreallywanttoraisesomemoney,theyoughtto

selldateswiththosemen.I’dbuyawholeweek.Mightkillme,butI’ddieonehappywoman.”

BeforeSelenacouldgetenoughofthescenery,thematchwasover.Thefirefightershadwonthe

lasttwo,andtheycelebratedtheirvictorywithhighfivesandchestbutts.Astheyexitedthecourt,they
shookhandswiththeiropponentsandtradedinsults.

Maceydraggedherthroughthecrowdtowardthecourt,andSelenawasthankfulwhensomeone

stoppedthem.ThecoupleapparentlyknewMaceyfromtheShellShack.Selenasmiledpolitelyand
listenedtotheirsmalltalk,keepingoneeyeonEvantheentiretime.

ShecaughtherbreathwhenEvan’seyesfinallymethersfromseveralfeetaway.Hewastalking

tooneofhiscolleagues,butwhenhespottedher,hisattentionbecamerivetedtoher.Selenalooked
awayquickly.

“I’mgoingtofindarestroom,”shetoldMacey.“Wanttomeetmeattheconcessionstand?”
Maceynodded.“I’mgoingtocongratulateDerekfirst.”
Beforeshewalkedoff,Selenacouldn’thelpglancingEvan’swayagain.Hestillspoketothe

sameperson,buthe’dmovedslightly,sothathecouldkeepaneyeonher.Sheescaped,thankfulfor
thecrowd.

She’dneverbeensuchacomplete,uttercoward.She’dthoughttoomuchabouthiminthepast

fewdays,andcouldn’tstopdreamingabouthim.Shewasmakingherselfnervous.Andshewas
scaredhewouldreadherthoughtswithinseconds.

S

ELENANEEDN’T

haveworriedaboutrunningintoEvan,itturnedout.SheandMaceywolfeddownhot

dogsattheendofalongtable,whilethecrowdmilledaroundthem.

“Where’dDerekgo?”Selenafinallyaskedastheyfinishedtheirmeal.
“Hehadtogiveashorttalktothekidsonfiresafety.Theydooneeveryhalfhourorsoandhe

getsropedinfrequently.Ithinkheactuallyenjoysit.Hehasawaywithkids.”

“Youtwothinkingaboutbabiesanytimesoon?”Selenaaskedquietly.

“Iintendtomakeitlegalfirst—”Maceyclosedhereyes.“I’msorry.Thatwasn’tfunnylikeit

wassupposedtobe.”

Selenagrinned.“It’sokay.Wecan’talldoitbackwardlikeme.”
Maceysqueezedherforearm.“I’mhavingmyfootfordessertbutwhatwouldyoulike?”
ThatmadeSelenalaugh.“Honestly,I’mbeat.I’mgoingtogohomeandtakeiteasyforthe

evening.”

“Noworking?”
“Thatdepends.Areyouaskingasmybusinessadvisorormyfriend?”
“Businessadvisorisoffdutyrightnow.Andyourfriendsaysyouneedtorelax.Youdeservea

nightoff.”

“Thenbyallmeans,Imust.”SelenastoodandbenttohugMacey.“Thanksformakingmecome

withyou.Thescenerywastodiefor.”

“Wasn’titthough.Talktoyousoon.I’llbeattheShacktomorrow.Comeinforlunchonmeif

youwanttogetout.”

“Let’sseehowmypaintinggoes.IfIdon’tcomeby,I’llcallyou.”
Shewaved,thenfoundthenearesttrashcantodisposeofherpaperplateandnapkin.Whenshe

turnedforhome,herwaywasblockedbyawide,muscularchestinaSanAmaroIslandFire
DepartmentT-shirt.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

“G

OINGSOMEWHERE?”

SelenagatheredherwitsasshestaredupatEvan.“Yes,”shesaid,attemptingtohidetheurgency

shefelt.“Home.”

“I’mtryingnottotakeitpersonallythatyoudidn’tevensayhello.”Hesteppedcloserandleaned

in,givingherasampleofhisfresh-showered-manscent.

“Wiseofyou.”Sheloweredhergazefromhisfacetohischestandbackagain.“You’reall…

dressed.”Theimageofhimshirtlessandmuscledonthevolleyballcourtsentheatthroughherveins.

“Disappointed?”
“Maybe.”
“Icantakemyshirtoffagainifitwouldpleaseyou,miss.”
Selenalaughed.“Idon’tthinkso.”
“Youdon’tthinkitwouldpleaseyou?”
“Idon’tthinkit’sagoodidea,”sheclarified.“Thewomenwouldflock,youregowouldinflate

evenmore…”

“TheonlyoneIcaretoimpressisrightinfrontofme.Unfortunately,sheseemstobetheone

whocouldn’tcareless.”

“Goodgametoday,”Selenasaidquickly.
“Pulleditoffintheend.Iimaginewe’dhearaboutitallyearifwe’dlost.”
“I’mbettingyou’lldishitoutjustasmuch.”
“You’rebettingright.Didyoudrive?”
“Maceydid.”
“Where’sMacey?”
“Notreadytogoyet.”
“Whichmeans,letmeguess,you’rewalking.Notgoingtoaskmeforaride?”
Selenashookherhead.“Notgoingtoaskyouforaride.Butifyouofferedone,I’dprobably

accept.”

“Comeon.”
Heledheraroundthestationtotheparkinglot.Thesunhadstartedtofallandthecloudshad

darkened.Thefestivitieswouldendsoonandcarswerestartingtofileoutofthelot.Themainstreet
wasjammed.Shewasgoingtohavetospendaeonswithhimalone,inhistoo-smallcab.

EvanheldSelena’shandassheclimbedup.Shethankedhimonceshewassettled,herhandwarm

andtinglyfromhistouch.Heheldherlongerthannecessary,andshecouldseerawdesireinhiseyes.

Thekickerwasthatshewasn’timmunetohim,nomatterhowhardshetriedtobe.Nomatter

howscaredshewasofgettingattached.Shecouldworkherselfuptoagoodpanicattackinthe
middleofthenight,aloneinthedarkwhenshelaytherethinkingaboutEvanindanger.Butwhenshe
wasthisclosetohim,withherhandenvelopedinhis,itwastoughtooverrulewhatherbodywanted.
Watchinghimhalf-nakedonthevolleyballcourtallafternoondidn’thelpmatters,either.Itwaslike
slow,torturousforeplay.

HewalkedslowlyaroundthefrontofthetruckandSelenatrackedhiseverymove.
“Goingtostorm,”hesaidashegotin.
Thepalmsontheedgeoftheparkinglotswayed.“Agoodnighttoholeupandstayinside.”
Theireyesmetandtherewasnodoubtinhermindwhathe’dliketodowiththenight.

Shewastorn.Atthemomentshewantedthesamethinghedid—fortonight.Butshecouldn’t

helpbeingconcernedaboutwhattomorrowwouldbring.Couldshegetanyclosertohim,physically
orotherwise,andnotbecometiedupemotionally?

“Haveyoubeenhereduringahurricane?”sheaskedinanattempttogethermindoffher

immediatedilemma.

“Severaltimes.Onlyonehitdirectly,acoupleyearsago.Youdon’twanttobehereevenforthe

near-misses,though.Unreal,likenothingyoucanimagine.”

“Doesthefiredepartmentevacuateordotheymakeyoustay?”Yetanotherconcernforhis

safetythatshehadn’tconsidered.

“Usuallyweevacuate,too,butwedoitaslateaspossible.Thelasttimeonecamethrough,

though,thestormveeredoffthepredictedcourseandtherewasnotimetogetout.Theislandhadn’t
beenevacuated.Wehadtouristseverywhere.”Raindropsbeganspatteringthewindshield.“Iwouldn’t
caretogothroughanythinglikethatagain.”

“Comingfromamanwhorunsintofires,that’ssayingalot.”
“Fires,Iknowhowtohandle.They’reunpredictable,butwe’retrainedtodealwiththat.That

storm…”Heshookhisheadanddidn’tfinishthethought.

“Ican’timagine.FirsthurricanewatchandI’moutofhere,campedoutonthemainland

somewhere.Wayinland.”

“Smart.”Hesmiledather.
Theywereatthehousebeforeshewasready,becausenowshehadadecisiontomake.She

watchedhisprofileashepulledupandstopped.Hedidn’tturnofftheengine.Itwasapointinhis
favorthathedidn’ttakeforgrantedthathewaswelcomeinside.

Lightningflashed,andafewsecondslater,thundercrashedinthedistance.Selenalookedatthe

beachhouse,sodarkandquietand…lonely.

“Wouldyouliketocomein?”sheasked.
“You’reaskingmeinside?”
“MaybeI’mafraidofstorms.”
“Stormscanbestressful,”Evansaid,hisvoicehushed.
“Terribly.”
“Stressisbadforpregnantladies.”
“Itis.”Sheknewshewasheadingfortroubleandattemptedtobackpedal.“Wecouldtalk.Watch

TV.PlayarousinghandofGoFish.”

Hestudiedher.“Wecoulddothat.”
Theraincamedownharder,peltingthetruck.
“Let’smakearunforit,”shesaid,thenopenedherdoorandslidout.Sherantothefrontofthe

houseanddugoutherkeys,theoverhangprovidingsomeprotectionfromthedownpour.

Evancameupbesideherandheldouthishandforthekeys.Withouthesitation,shegavethemto

himandhehadthedooropenquickly,eventhoughshe’dforgottentoturntheporchlighton.Thesun
hadsetquicklyandduskwasfalling,castingeerieshadows.

Evanwalkedinaheadofher,theirfingersintertwined.Abrightstreakoflightninglitupthe

kitchenmomentarily,andbeforethedarkreturned,adeafeningclapofthundercrashed,makingher
jumpoutofherskinandclingtoEvan’sback.

“See?”Selenasaid.“YouthoughtIwaskiddingaboutstorms.”
“Thatwastooclose.Somethinggothit.”
Selenaletgoofhimandfeltherwaytothelightswitch.Whensheflickedit,however,nothing

happened.“Somethinggothit,allright.”

Evanheadedthroughthedarktothenewlyreplaceddooronthebeachside.Heslidtheglass

open.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Selenaasked,catchingupwithhim.
“JustgoingtoseeifIcanspotanything,figureoutwhatgotzapped.”
“You’renotonduty,youknow.”
Hechuckled.“Forceofhabit.Therecouldbeafire.”
“Couldbe.”Shecameupbehindhimandslippedherhandsunderhisshirt.Sheranherfingers

uphisback,marvelingatthesolidmusclesthathadmesmerizedherduringthevolleyballgame.She
didn’tstoptoconsiderwhatshewasdoing,justletherhandsgo,lethersensesleadheron.

“OrIcouldstayinside,”hesaidquietly,turningtofaceher.
“Youcould.”
Hismouthcamedownonhersassheexploredtheripplesandridgesofhischest.Heslidhis

roughhandsoverthesensitiveskinatherwaistandpulledhercloser,theirtonguesswirling.

Justlikethat,shefeltthefireinsideherignite,thesamewayithadtheirfirstnighttogether.

She’dneverexperiencedanythinglikeitbeforeshe’dmethim,andshecouldfinallyunderstandhow
peopleinlustdidsuchout-of-characterthings.

Evan’shandsmovedtoherrearandheliftedher.Shewrappedherlegsaroundhim,pressing

herselfintohim,herbodyachingforhis.

“Thisiscrazy,”shesaidbetweenkisses,assherolledhisshirtupoverthatbeautifulchest.He

carriedhertothewallandpressedherlightlyagainstitwithhischest,sothathecouldraisehisarms
andletherremovehisshirtcompletely.

“It’sagoodcrazy,”hesaid,hisvoicehuskyandsexyenoughtomakehermoanheragreement.

Thatandthethingshewasdoingwithhistongue.

Thunderrolledandcrashed,butSelenawasbarelyawareofit.ShewastoodeeplylostinEvan’s

kisses,hiscaresses,themagnificentfeelofhissolidbodyupagainsthers.

“Wouldyoumindterribly,”hesaid,“ifwedidn’tmakeittothebedroom?”
“Iwouldn’tmindifweendeduponthemoon.”
Hemadequickworkofhershirtandtosseditonthefloor.Heunhookedherbrasoeasilyshe

couldn’thelpthinkinghewasanexpert,butwhenhetookherbreastintohismouth,allthoughts
slippedoutofherhead.

Evancarriedhertothesofaandsatdownwithherstraddlinghim.Selenareveledintheheatof

hischestdirectlyonherskin.Hedroveherneedtoanexcruciatingheightashelavishedattentionon
eachbreast,withhislips,histongue,hisfingers.Bythetimehishandtrailedtoherwaisttounsnap
herjeans,shethoughtshemightexplode.

Heslidherjeansoff,thenpeeledherpantiesdownherlegs.Whenlightningflashed,shecould

seehisdesireinhiseyes,hisneedetchedonhisstrainedface.Thatshehadthiskindofeffectona
manlikeEvan…Shearchedintohim,watchingeverynuanceonhisface,exhilaratedbyhernewfound
power.

“Yourbodyissobeautiful,Selena.”Shebarelyrecognizedhisgravellyvoice.
“Itwon’tbeinafewmonths,”shesaidwithaboldsmile.“Enjoyitwhileyoucan.”
“Oh,Iam.Butyou’llbejustasbeautifulwhenthatbabyisouttohere.”
Heheldhishandinfrontofhernow-flatbellyandthensliditdownbetweenherlegs,whereher

bloodpulsedandhernervesscreamedforcontact.Whenhetouchedherintimatelyshenearlywent
throughtheceiling.

“Thecurtainsarewideopen,”sherealized.Thesofafacedthebeach,frontandcenter,andif

anyonehappenedby,they’dgetquitetheeyeful.

“Noone’soutthere.It’sstillpouring.”Hekissedhiswayupherjaw.“Butiftherewas,they’dget

thetreatofalifetime,letmetellyou.”

SelenaturnedtolookbehindherandEvanchuckled.“Noonethere,darlin’.”
Sheraisedherbodyenoughtogetathispantsandrippedthesnapopen.“Notfairforyouto

havesomanyclotheson,”shesaidintohismouth.Insteadoftakinghisshortsoffalltheway,she
reachedinsidethemandgraspedhim,closinghereyesashepressedhimselfintoherpalm.“Dowe
needprotection?”sheasked,noticingherownvoicesoundedweird.

“Why?Youcan’tgetpregnant.”
Shelaughed.“Ah.Theupsideofunplannedpregnancy,atlast.”
“I’vebeenimaginingforweekshowit’llfeeltobeinsideyouwithnothingbetweenus.”
Selenaheldontohislengthanddirectedittoher,takinghiminsideinchbyinch.
“Yeah,”hedrawled.“That’sexactlywhatI’vebeenimagining.Youfeelsogood.”
Shedidn’tknowhowhewastalkingandmadeithergoaltoshatterhiscoherence.Shetookher

timeaboutit,though,teasinghim,makinghimfeeleverysinglemillimeterofmovement,liftingher
bodyalmostcompletelyoffhis,thenslowlyloweringherselftotakehimincompletely.Overand
over,untilhefinallygraspedherhipsandarchedintoherrepeatedly.

“Wickedtease,”hesaidasshelostthelastbitsofhercontrolandtheirpacebecamemutually

frantic.

Evenassheclimbed,achingforrelease,sheneverwantedtobewithouthim,likethis.Thenshe

merelyfelt.Andlovedhearinghernameonhislipsasshebithisshoulderandplungedovertheedge
tototalecstasy.

Theydidn’tmoveforseveralminutesafterward,justpressedlightkissestoeachotherastheir

heartspounded.

“Nexttimeyoudon’tgettowearyourshorts,”shefinallysaidinanearwhisper.
“Happytooblige.Howsoonwouldyoulikethenexttimetobe?”
Shesmiledintohislips.“Wheneveryou’reupforit.”

E

VANSTIRRED

andstretchedhissleep-deprivedbody,hiseyesstillshut.Thelightfemininescentwas

thefirstthingthatjoggedhismemoryandbroughteveryamazing,earth-crashingmomentofthe
nightbacktohim.HereachedforSelena’ssideofthebedbutfoundonlycool,emptysheets.

“Selena?”Maybeshewasinthebathroomormakingcoffee.“Whereareyou,darlin’?”
Hesatup,guessingbythecompletesilenceshewasn’tinthehouse.Onthepatio,maybe.
Hesurveyedthemessthey’dmadeofthebed—sheetsandblanketstwistedandheapedmostlyon

thefloor,pillowsatoddangles.Eventhefittedsheethadcomeloosefromthemattresscorner,
makinghimsmile.

Hestrolledintothebathroom,nakedasthedayhewasbornandalreadythrobbingforSelena.

Hewasn’tsurehe’devergetenoughofthatwoman.

Hesplashedwateronhisface,thensqueezedtoothpasteonhisfingerandranitoverhisteeth.
Hisclotheswereapparentlystillinthelivingroom,althoughputtingthembackonwasthelast

thinghewantedtodo.Maybeshewasupinherstudio,takingadvantageoftheearlylight.Heclimbed
thetwoflightsofstairs,thinkingtheoverstuffedchairinthestudiowoulddojustfineforwhathehad
inmind.

Therewasnosignofherupthere,though,eitherinsideoroutonthewidow’swalk.Hestopped

shortofgoingoutsidetosearchupanddownthebeach,thinkingtheneighbors,whoevertheywere,
mightgiveSelenatroubleifshehadanakedmanonherroof.

“Selena?”hecalledagain,beginningtosuspectmaybeeverythingwasn’tsohappyforher.Their

firstmorningafterhadbeenawkward,nodoubtaboutit,butnowtheykneweachother.Therewas

nothingtobeembarrassedabout.

Inthelivingroomagain,hepulledonhisshorts,sansunderwear,and,noticingthewaythewind

blewtheseagrass,draggedhisshirtoverhisheadbeforegoingoutside.Thedoorwasunlocked,so
hewasfairlysurehe’dfindheroutheresomewhere.

Itdidn’ttakelongtospother.Shewasafewhundredfeetdownthebeach,abouthalfwaybetween

thehouseandthejettyatthesouthendoftheisland.Herhairblewfreelybehindher,andthoughhe
couldn’tseeherface,he’drecognizetheswayofthosehipsfromamileaway.

Hecaughtupwithherquickly,asshemeanderedalong,seeminglylostinthought.Thatdidn’t

bodewell.

“What’saprettygirllikeyoudoingallaloneouthere?”heaskedwhenhewasjustafewfeet

behindher.

Hershouldersjerked,andshestoppedandturned.
“Ididn’tmeantostartleyou.”
“It’sokay.Ishouldbemoreawareofwhat’sgoingonaroundme.”
“You’reluckyIhavehonorableintentions.”
“Isthatwhatyoucallit?”Shetriedtosmilebutitwasahollowattempt.
She’dpulledonalong,loosedress,gatheredunderherbreasts,andthrownadenimjacketover

it.Herhairwaswindblown,tangled,andshedidn’twearanymakeup.Tohim,shelookedperfect.

“What’swrong,Selena?”
Theystartedwalkingtowardthesouthendoftheislandagain,inchesapartbutnottouching.The

urgetotakeherhandwaspowerful,butshewasemittingaseriousdon’t-touch-mevibe.

“Youregrettinglastnight?”heprompted,needingtogetthebadnewsoutintheopensohe

couldstartconvincinghereverythingwouldbeokay.“No.”

Hewassurprisedatheranswer.“Good.Toregretlastnightwouldbeacryingshame.”
ShegrinnedshylyandhewasyetagaininaweofthetwosidesofSelenaJarboe.
“Soareyougoingtotellmewhat’sbuggingyou?Becauseafteranightlikethat,I’mthinking

it’snotnormalforawomantorunaway.”

“Ididn’trunaway….”Hervoicetaperedoff.
“Thatdoesn’tsoundtooconvincing.”
“Okay.Idid,then.”
Theyapproachedawoodenboardwalkperpendiculartothebeachthatledtothebaysideofthe

island.Itwasonlyacouplehundredfeetnorthofthejetty,bissectingthesoutherntipoftheisland.
SelenasteppedontoitandEvanfollowedherlead.

“Whydidyourunaway?”
Theirbarefeetthuddedonthewoodthatwasstillwetfromthenight’srain,withshallowpuddles

insomeoftheold,unevenslats.Theywerenearlyhalfwayacrossthelongwalkwaybeforeshesaida
word.

“It’snevergoingtoworkbetweenus,Evan.Notforthelongterm.Sowhilelastnightwas

incredible,I’mhavingahardtime.IguessIdon’tseewhatthepointis.It’sonlygoingtomakeit
worselater.”

Thereliefhe’dfeltwhenshesaidshedidn’tregretlastnighttookanosedive.Hefrownedand

shookhishead.“Whatmakesyousosurethatthingscan’tworkbetweenus?Inmybook,theywork
prettydamngood.”

“I’mnottalkingaboutsexnow,Evan.Thatworks.Noquestionaboutit.”
“Thenwhat?Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout,Selena?Enlightenme,darlin’,becauseImust

bemissingsomething.”

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

S

ELENAFOCUSED

oneachwoodenslatbeneathherfeet,apainfullumplodgedinherthroatand

pressurebuildingbehindhereyes.Thisiswhereshewishedwithallhermightthatshewasthekind
ofgirlwhocouldgetinvolvedwithamanphysicallyandkeepherheartoutofit.Mendiditallthe
time—heck,shesuspectedEvandiditallthetime.Womendid,too,someofthem.Oneofherfriends
fromhomewasnotoriousforherparadeofmen,andSelenaknewforafactJillhadneverhadher
heartbroken.Shejust…wasn’tthetype.Shewouldalwaysbethebreaker,notthebreakee.

Selenahadrarelybeeneither,butshecouldseeitfromhere—muchmoretimewithEvanand

shewouldbedevastatedtolosehim.Whichwasthewholepoint,wasn’tit?

Whentheycametotheendoftheboardwalk,shetrekkedforthelargebouldersalongtheshore.

Alonefishermansatononeoftherocksfartherdown,butotherwisetheyhadtheareatothemselves.
Selenalocatedarelativelysmoothstoneandcarefullymadeherwaytowardit.Evansatonan
adjacentrock.Thescowlonhisfacetoldherplentyabouthowwellhewasreceivingwhatshewas
tryingtosay.

Thiswasthehardpart,thepartshedreaded.Shewedgedherelbowsinherlapandleaned

forward,staringatthewaterasitcrashedagainsttheboulders.

“MydadwasFBI,”shebegan,thentookafortifyingbreath.“WhenIwasreallyyoung,allI

knewwasthatmydadhadanimportantjobthatrequiredhimtobegonealot.Isensedtheexcitement
ofwhathedid,butitwasn’tuntilIwasinthefirstgradethatIbegantounderstandthateverytimehe
walkedoutthatdoor,hecouldberiskinghislife.IremembersoclearlyhowBrianFlandersskipped
uptomeontheplaygroundonedayandsaid,‘Mydaddysaidit’sluckythatyourdaddyhasn’tgot
shotathiswork.’”

Sheclenchedherfists,stillabletohearthesingsongofhisvoiceafteralltheseyears.“Iwasso

madathim,Iyelledthathewasstupidandhelied.TheteacherheardmecallinghimstupidsoIgotin
trouble.Thatnight,Iwenthomeandaskedmymomaboutit,becausemydadwasoutoftown,and
shetoldmeDadhadaveryhonorablejob.”

“Didshelevelwithyouthen?”
“WhenIpesteredhersomemore,sheadmittedhisjobcouldbedangerous.Idon’tthinkIwas

everthesameafterthat.”

“That’srough.Sevenyearsold?”
Shenoddedastearsfloodedhereyes.“Everytimeheleftforwork,I’dhideinmymom’sbed,

scaredtodeathI’dneverseemydadagain.”

“Whatdidyourmomdo?”
“Sheneversaidmuch.Justheldme.Brushedmyhairback.Momthings.”
“Youmadehersounddifferenttheotherday.Somethingaboutherscrewingup.”
“Backthenitwasdifferent.Shewasdifferent.Anyway,mypointisthatitwashelltoliveinthat

kindoffear,supportivefamilyornot.”

“Isyourdadstillanagent?”
Selenahesitated.“HediedwhenIwastwelve.Onthejob.”Shesqueezedthewordsoutbeforeher

throatswelledup,thenchokedonasob.

Evangentlyrubbedherleg.Hedidn’tofferanytokenphrasesofcomfort,andSelena

appreciatedthat.Shewasn’tlookingforcomfort—knewtherewasnone.Shewastryingtomakea
point.

“Idon’teverwantmychildtolivelikethat,Evan.Inconstantfear.Dailystomachaches.I’lldo

everythingIcantopreventhimorherfromlosingaparentinanuntimelydeath.Achildshouldnever
besubjectedtothatkindofgrief.AndIknowIcouldn’ttakealosslikethatagainmyself.”

“Youthinksomethingmighthappentome,”Evansaid,hishandstillingonherthigh.
“It’shardlyafar-fetchedidea.Youworkinoneofthemostdangerousjobsoutthere.”
“Thisisn’tNewYorkCity,though.There’sdanger,butyouhavetounderstanditisn’twhatyou

seeonTV.”

“Itdoesn’tmatter.Itonlytakesonebadday,onedangerouscall.”
“Youhavetolookattheodds,Selena.”
“TellthattoFrankWerschler ’sfamily.”She’dlainawakeseveralnightsthinkingabouttheman

fromthemural’swifeandchildren,wonderingwhathadbecomeofthem.

Evanstaredoutatadolphincruiseboatinthedistanceforsometime.Selenawishedforthe

impossible—thathecouldsomehowassureherhewouldalwaysbesafe.Thathe’dbeenthinkingof
gettingoutofthefirefightingbusinessandalwayswantedtobe…aconstructionworker.Orabouta
thousandotherjobswherehewouldn’tlayhislifeonthelineeveryday.

“It’sadangerousjobsometimes.NowayIcandenythat.Butwegothroughcontinuoustraining.

Weprepareforeverypossibletypeofsituationwemightruninto.Wedoeverythingwecantostay
safe.”

“Butfirefightersstilldie.”
“Sodopeoplewhodrivecars.WallStreetmoneyguys.Farmers.Peopledie,Selena,andit’s

alwaysgoingtosuck.”

“Notgoodenough.”
Evanturnedhiswholebodytofaceherthereontherocks.Heheldbothhishandsuptohersand

lacedtheirfingerstogether.“There’sneveraguarantee,darlin’.Badthingshappen.”

“ButIhavetodoeverythingIcantopreventmychildandmyselffromexperiencingthosebad

things.”

“I’mgoingtobeinthischild’slife.Youcan’tpreventthat,nomatterhowmuchitscaresyou.”
“Soyouthinkit’sokaytoletthekidknowyouandloveyouwhenthere’sanabove-average

chancethatyoucoulddie?Really?”

“Ithinkgrowingupwithoutaparentisasbadaslosingone.”Hesaiditwithsuchconvictionthat

Selenanarrowedhereyes,sensingtherewerethingshehadn’ttoldher.

Hiseyesdidn’twaverfromhers.
“Yeah,Igrewupwithoutafather,”hesaid,lettingherhandsgo.“Sinceyou’vebeensohonest

aboutyourbackground,I’lltellyouaboutmine.”

“Youdon’thaveto,Evan,”shesaidhesitantly.Nothinghecouldsaywouldchangehermind,and

thoughshedidwanttoknowmoreabouthim,whatitcamedowntowasthatitwouldn’tsolve
anything.

“Ido.”Anedgeofangercutthroughhiswords.“YouneedtoknowwhereI’mcomingfrom,

becauseI’mnotgoingtoletthisdrop.I’msorryashellaboutyourdad,andIunderstandwhyyou
don’twanttoworryaboutlosingsomeoneelseyoucareabout,assumingyouwouldsomedaygrow
tocareaboutme.Nodoubtyourbrother ’saccidenttoreyouupevenmore.”

Anguishjabbedatherwiththerawmemoryofthatphonecallfromoneofthearmyofficers.

Theexcruciatinghoursthey’dspentwaitingtohearifTomwouldpullthrough.

“I’venevermetmyfather.”Hisvoicebrokeonthelastwordandhewasbacktostaringintothe

distance.

“Hetookoffwhenmymomwaspregnantwithmysisterandme.Didn’tgivehalfadamnabout

thetwoliveshehelpedcreate.Talkingabouthimwasneverallowed.Ifyouwantedtomakemymom

losehercool,allyouhadtodowasaskabouthim.She’dtransformintoaraging,angrywoman.”

“Thathadtobehard,”Selenasaidquietly.
“Itwasn’tuntilIwasaboutthirteenyearsoldthatIgottheballstoaskherabouthimagain.”
“And?Didshetellyouanything?”
Evanshookhishead.“Sheexplained,innouncertainterms,thatthemanwhohadfatheredusdid

notdeservetobethoughtofasourdad.Toher,hewasdead.Sherefusedtogiveushisnameorany
otherdetails.‘Justtrytoforgetabouthim,’she’dtellus.‘He’snotworthasecondofyourtime.’”

Selenacouldseethesenseinhismom’sposition.“Shewantedtomakeiteasierforyou.”
“Therewasnothingeasyaboutgrowingupwithoutadad.Iknowshemeantwell,butkidsare

mean.ThethingstheysaidtoMelandme…”Heshookhishead.“Mymomneverknewhowbadit
got.”

“Lotsofkids’parentsaredivorced,”Selenasaid.
“Andnoonegavethemanycrap.Itwasthatwedidn’tevenknowwhoourdadwas.Ihadto

sneaktolookupthewordbastardinthedictionaryinmysecond-gradeclassroombecauseI
somehowknewitwouldmakemymotherscreamifIaskedher.”

“Soyouneverfoundoutwhohewas?”
“WhenIwasoldenoughtofigureoutwhattodo,Igotacopyofmybirthcertificate.She

actuallylistedhisnameonit.IttookmemonthsbutIeventuallytrackedhimdown.”

“Didyoumeethim?”
“Nevergotthechance.Hehadaheartattackanddiedinprison.”
“I’msorryyounevergottomeethim.”
“I’mnot.OnlyreasonIwantedtostandface-to-facewithhimwastounleashyearsofanger.”
Alargefishingboatpassedrelativelyclosetotheshoreandtheywatcheditinsilence.The

captainwavedandEvannoddedinresponse.

“Irefusetobeanythinglikehim,Selena,”Evansaidwithquietconviction.“Mychildrenwill

knowwhotheirfatherisandthey’llknowme,forbetterorworse.”

Tears—offrustration,ofhurtforalittleboynamedEvan,offeelingtorninhalf—blindedher.

“I’msorry.Ican’ttakethatrisk.”

“Youcan’tjustcutmeout.”
“IfIthinkit’sbestforthebaby,Ican.”
“Iwon’twalkaway,Selena.”
“It’stheonlythingIcanthinkofthatmightwork.”
“Workforwho?”Hisvoiceclimbedinvolume.“Youthinkyou’retheonlyonethatmatters?”
“No.Weallmatter,Evan,”shegrowled,tryingtokeephervoicedown.“Butthebabyhasto

comefirst.”

Shescrambledofftherocks,awayfromhim,wishingshecouldscrambleawayfromtheentire

dilemma,becausesheknewtherewasnoperfectsolution.Asshehurriedtotheboardwalk,shewiped
hereyes,tryingtogetridofthetearsthatblurredhervision.SheheardEvanbehindherandspedup.

E

VANSAW

themomentwhenSelenalostherfooting.Hisheartstoppedasshefell,andhesawthe

wholethinginslowmotion.Eventhoughhewasonlyabouttwentyfeetawaywhenshewentdown,it
seemedtotakepreciousminutestogettoher.

Herheadknockedagainsttherailingandshelandedonhertailbonewithathud.Shelaytherein

silence,andawfulthoughtstormentedhiminthetwosecondsitreallytooktoreachher.

“Selena!”Hekneltnexttoherandsawshewasconscious.

Selenagroanedandthenrolledtohersideawayfromhim,curlingintoafetalball.Evan

skitteredaroundtotheotherside.Shecriedsilently,hershouldersshaking.

“Selena,wheredoesithurt?”
Shedidn’tanswerrightaway.
Hepulledouthiscellphoneandcalledforanambulance.HethoughtherememberedthatScott

andLuiswereworkingtoday,thoughhe’dbecomfortablewithanyoftheparamedicsheknew.

“Head,”shefinallysaid.“Butt.Elbow.”
Heexaminedherarmandguessedherelbowhadtakenthebruntofthefall.“Doyouthink

you’rebleedinganywhere?”heasked.

Shehesitated.Checkedherhandsandarms.Thenshookherhead.“Idon’tseeanyblood.”
Asirenwailedinthedistancewithinaminuteandahalf.Selenaopenedhereyesandtriedtosit

up,buthegentlyheldherdown.

“Youdidn’thavetocallthem.I’mfine.”
“Youhityourheadandlandedhard.Youmayfeelfine,butwe’regoingtobesurebothyouand

thebabyareokay.”

“Ifellonmybutt.Ithurts.That’sall.”
“Ihopeso.Butyou’renotgettingoutofthis.”
Theambulancepulleduponthenearestroad,whichwasacouplehundredyardsaway.Evan

wavedthemdownfromhisspotnexttoherattheendoftheboardwalk.

ScottandLuishurriedtowardthem.
“Theseguysarethebest,darlin’.Everything’sokay.”
“Whattheheckareyoudoingonthisend,Drake?”Scottasked.“What’sgoingon?”
Evantoldthemwhathadhappenedandwhathe’dalreadychecked.
Scottaskedherseveralquestionsanddidabriefexam.WhenEvanmentionedherpregnancy,

theydecidedtoloadherupandtakeherin,justtobesafe.

“T

HEBABYLOOKSGOOD

asfarasIcantellrightnow,”Dr.Martinsaidlater,afterthey’dpokedand

proddedSelenaandrunseveraldifferenttestsonbothherandthefetus.

Evanhadstayedbyhersideforeveryoneofthem,expectinghertoorderhimoutoftheroom.

Hewouldn’thavegone,butshedidn’task.Sheseemedgladtohavehimthere.Hefeltuseless,which
wasfrustratingashell.Allhecoulddowasholdherhand.

“Thebleedingconcernsmeabit,butwe’llwatchit.Itappearstohavestoppedfornowand

wasn’talargeamount.Theultrasounddoesn’tshowanyhintofarupture.”

SelenaclosedhereyesinreliefasEvanexhaledloudly.
“Iwantyoutotakeiteasyforthenextthreedays.Bedrest.”
Selenagroaned.
“Lyingdown.Nolifting,nothingstrenuous,andthatincludessexualactivity.”Shelookedat

Evanpointedlyandheshookhishead.

“She’lldonothing,Doctor.I’llseetoit.”
“Ihaveworktodo,”Selenasaid.“Deadlines.”
“Notifyouwanttotakecareofthisbaby,”thedoctorsaidsternly.“Imeanit,Selena.The

deadlineswillhavetowait.Iknowit’shardtositstillbutyoucan’tpushyourself.Atall.Doyou
understandme?”

Selena’sdefensivenessrelaxedandshenodded.“Iunderstand.”
Evansatontheedgeofherbedandcaressedherarm.Theonlyconcretedamagethey’dfound

wasamildconcussionandthebleeding.Butthey’dcheckedthebabybyultrasoundandtheheartwas
stillbeating.He’dseenitwithhisowneyes.

Itblewhismindtorealizehe’dbegenuinelyupsetiftheylostthebaby.Thatunborntinylittle

fetushadturnedbothhisandSelena’slivesupsidedown,buthecouldn’tstomachthethoughtof
losingit.Howwasthatpossible?

“Willyoubetakingherhome?”Dr.MartinaskedEvan.
“Yes,ma’am.”
“Istheresomeonewhocanbewithyoucontinuallyforacoupleofdays,Selena?Justtomake

thingseasyonyou,waitonyouhandandfoot?”

“I’llbeokay,”Selenasaid.
“I’llstaywithher.”He’dfindsomeonetoworkhisshifttomorrow.Acoupleoftheguysowed

himafavor.

ThedoctorwatchedSelenaforareaction.Ittookafewseconds,butSelenafinallynodded.
“Iftherearen’tanyotheroptions.”
“I’mit,darlin’,”hesaid,smiling.
Dr.Martinnoddedandstood.“Thenursewillbeinwithdischargedirectionsinafewminutes.I

wanttoseeyouinthreedays.Sooner,ifyouhaveanymorebleedingorotherproblems.”ToEvan
sheadded,“Takecareofher.”

“Mypleasure,”heresponded.“Thoughprobablynothers.”
Hehadn’tforgottenwherethey’dleftoffbeforeherfall,andheknewthatwithnothingbuttime

onherhands,they’dberevisitingitbeforethethreedayswereover.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

S

ELENALAYON

hercouch,knowingshewasbeingacompleteandutterpainintheass.Okay,and

maybeshewasdoingitonpurpose.Atleastalittle.

Herheadthrobbedwitheverybeatofherheartandsherefusedtotakeanypainmedsforit.The

doctorhadassuredheritwouldn’thurtthebabybutSelenawasn’ttakinganychances.She’dheardDr.
Martin’smentionofthepossibilityoftheplacentarippingawayfromtheuterinewall.She’ddo
anythingtoimprovethebaby’sodds.

ThefrontdooropenedandEvanstrodeintothelivingroomofthebeachhouse.
“Everythingokay?”heasked.
“Nothing’schanged.”
Hewasbeingarockstar,vergingonsainthood.Fetchingwhateversheaskedfor,dealingwith

herextremegrumpiness.

“Dinnerisserved,”hesaid,settingalargepaperbagontheendtable.“Spicylasagna,bread

sticksandsalad.DoubleservingofItaliandressingontheside.”Heheldupasmallerplasticbag
fromthegrocerystore.“Halfgallonofbutterpecanicecream,goingtothefreezernow.”

“Thankyou,”shesaid.Sheannoyedevenherselfwithhermoodswings,butdammit,shewas

tickedoff.Shereallydidhaveworkthatneededtobedone—like,yesterday.Thatshecouldeventhink
aboutworkafterherfall…Ithadoccurredtoherthatseveralofherproblemswouldbesolvedifshe
weretolosethisbaby.

Assoonasthethoughthadcrossedhermind,theguilthadnearlysuffocatedher.Whatkindofa

motherwasshegoingtobe?Wasshegoingtobeasbadasherownmom?

UnfortunatelyforEvan,he’dbeentheonetoreceivethebruntofheranger,guilt,worry,andthe

othertwohundredemotionsthat’dstormedthroughheroverthecourseoftheday.

Sheslowlysatupandproppedanextracushionbehindherback,thenreachedbehindherheadto

grabthebagoffood.

“Stop.I’vegotit,”Evansaidashecamebackintotheroom.
“You’regoingtostopmefromliftingameaslybagoffood?”
“No.I’mgoingtostopyoufromdumpingmydinneralloverthefloor.I’vebeenbreathingitin

forthepasttwentyminutesandIplantoenjoyeverylastbite.”

Ashespoke,hesetthetake-outcontainersonthefloornexttohim,unwrappedtheplasticfork

forherandscoopedthelasagnaontotwoplates.Hehandedonetoher.

“Thankyou,Evan.”
“Noworries.I’mstarving,too.”
“Imeanforeverything.I’vebeenunbearabletodayandyethereyouare,stilltakingcareofme.”
“LikeIsaid,I’mjusthungry.”Hegrinnedandsatonthefloor,hisbackagainstthecouch.
“Yeah.AndI’magoodcandidateformotherhood.”
He’djustshovedabiteintohismouthandturnedtostudyher,sayingaroundthefood,“Where

thehelldidthatcomefrom?”

“Theheart.”Shetookherfirstbiteofpastaandtriedtoignorehim.
“Wetalkedaboutthat,Selena.Ifyouwanttobeagoodmom,youwillbe.”
Shetookhertimechewing,thenreachedfortheglassofwaterhe’dgottenforherearlier.“You

thinkmymomjuststoppedwantingtobegood?”

“Whathappenedwithher,Selena?Whatwentwrongbetweenyoutwo?”

Selenaclosedhereyesandshookherhead.“IwishIknew,”shesaidsoftly.“Aftermydadwas

shot,shewasneverthesame.It’slikeshewentcold.”

“Youcouldneverbecold.”
“Iusedtothinkthatabouther.”
Hewatchedherforseveralseconds.“Haveyouevertalkedtoheraboutit?”
“Wedon’thavemuchofatalking-about-thingsrelationship.”
“Maybeyoushouldtry.Foryourownpeaceofmind.”
Selenahatedeverybitofthisconversationsoshedidn’trespond.
“Idon’twantyoutostayheretomorrow,”shesaidafterseveralminutesofsilence.“Youneedto

work.”

“Toolate.IgotRafetotakemyshift.”
“I’llbefinebymyself.Really.”
“ThenI’llstayoutoftheroomsoyouwon’tknowI’mhere.”
“Evan,Imeanit.Idon’twanttooweyouanymorethanIalreadydo….”
“Oweme?Seriously?Tellmeyoudidn’treallymeantosaythat.”
“Imeantit.”
“HowmanytimesdoIhavetotellyou…youdon’toweme.Foranything.Youhavetocarrythe

kid.TheleastIcandoisgetyoudinnerorkeepyoucompanywhenyoucan’tmove.”

Selenawasabouttodisagreewhensomeoneknockedonthedoor.
Evansethisfoodonthefloorandgotuptoanswerit.“Expectinganyone?”
Sheshookherhead.“Maybeit’sMacey.”
“Shehastoclosethebartonight.”
Selenashrugged.Shedidn’treallycarewhoitwas,aslongasEvanmadetheintrudergoaway.

Fatiguewassettinginandshewasn’tsureshecouldevenfinishhermeal.

“CanIhelpyou?”sheheardEvanask.
“I’mlookingformydaughter.IsSelenahere?”No.Noway.Hermotherwasnotreallyhere.
“You’reSelena’smother?”Therewassurpriseinhisvoiceandsheknewitwasbecauseher

momlookedyoungenoughtobehersister,thankstoplasticsurgery.

“Whereismydaughter?”
Nicemanners,Mom.
“I’minhere!Evan,goaheadandletherin.”
Hermombarreleddownthehallway,heelsclickingonthetilefloor.
“Thankyou,God.”ClaraCambridge-Jarboewasdressedinblackslacksandaburgundy

cashmeresweater.Infullmakeupandthree-inchheels,shetotedaPradapursebigenoughtostowa
smallchild.Theonlytelltalesignthatshe’djusttraveledacrossthecountrywasthatherhairwasless
thanperfect,withacoupleofauburnstrandsoutofplace.“NowthatI’velaideyesonyou,I’llreturn
inamoment.”

BeforeSelenacouldsayaword,hermotherhadclickedbackdownthehalloutofsight.Evan

appearedattheentrancetothelivingroom,hiseyesnarrowed.

“That’syourmother.”
Itwasn’treallyphrasedasaquestionbutSelenanoddedanyway.
“Shearrivedinastretchlimo.Won’tevenfitinthedriveway.”
Selenarolledhereyesbutwasn’tsurprised.Hermotherwouldsoonerflydirectlybackhome

thanbecaughtinaregulartaxi.

E

VANSTARED

atSelenabutshedidn’tsayaword.Hewentbacktothedoor,completelybaffledbythe

womanwho’djustshownup.Shewasmakingherwaytowardthehouseagain,climbingthesingle
flightofstairsfromthedriveway,asoutofplacehereonSanAmaroIslandasablackstallionamong
dairycows.ShewasdressedtothehiltandthoughEvandidn’tknowthefirstthingaboutladies’
handbags,theoneshecarriedlookedlikeitcostmorethanhistruck.

Thenthelimodriverappeared,loadeddownwiththreeenormousbags.Hewasfollowingherto

thehouse,Evanrealized.Andthewomandidn’tappeartheleastbitbotheredthatshewasonly
carryingherpursewhilethedrivercouldbarelywalk.

Itstruckhimthatthepregnantwomanonthecouchwasmoreofastrangertohimthanhe’dever

guessed.

Selena’smotherwaltzedthroughthedooranddownthehallwaytoherdaughter,barely

acknowledgingEvan.Hewentouttohelpthedriverwithhisload.Hetookthebiggestsuitcasefrom
himandgroanedasheliftedit.Thatthinghadtoweighclosetoseventy-fivepounds.Whatthehell
didthewomanhaveinthere?Andhowlongdidsheintendtostay?

“Youmaysetmybagsbythestairs,please.”
Evanrefusedtolethisjawdrop,thoughittookseriouseffort.HeglancedoveratSelena,butshe

didn’tappeartohavenoticedanythingoutoftheordinary.

Didn’tthatjustspeakvolumes.
Whowasthiswomanhe’dthoughthewasgettingtoknowforthepastfewweeks?Whowasher

mother?Andmaybemoretothepoint,whodidshethinkshewas?

Thewomanhandedthelimodriverabill—alargebill—andtheguyleft.
“Whatareyoudoinghere,Mom?”Selenasaidtiredly.
“Icouldaskyouthesame.”Hermothersatpristinelyontheoldarmchairclosesttothecouch.

“It’sbeenalmosttwomonths,Selena.DoyouknowhowsickwithworryI’vebeen?”

Evanstillstoodnearthestairway,tryingtoabsorbthisnewfacetofthewomanhewastryingto

marry.

“Evan,thisismymother,ClaraCambridge-Jarboe.Mom,EvanDrake.”
Mrs.Cambridge-Jarboeturnedandofferedahandtohim.“It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”
“Likewise,ma’am.”Heshookherhand,thenmovedbothlasagnaplatestotheendtable.Hesat

ontheedgeofthecouch,bySelena’sknees,notreallysurehowhefitin.

“Whotoldyouwheretofindme?”Selenaaskedhermom,clearlyupset.
“Noone.AtfirstIassumedyouweretravelingbutaftersolong,Ifiguredtheonlyplaceyou

couldbewasthebeachhouseyourdadleftyou.IcameassoonasIfoundreplacementsformysocial
commitments.”

NowEvan’smouthdidgapeopen.Selenaownedthishouse?Itsvaluehadmorezeroesthanhe’d

everseeinhislifetime.Whatafoolhe’dbeen,tryingtohelpherwithathree-hundred-dollardoctor ’s
bill.

“Soyoufoundme.Whatdoyouwant?”Selenaasked.
“Iwantyoutocomehome.”
HefeltSelena’sbodytensebehindhim.Hewhisperedtohertorelax.Gettingupsetwouldn’thelp

anyone.Leastofallthebaby.

“Areyoukidding?Ican’trelax,”shesaidaloud.“I’mnotgoingbacktoBoston,Mom.”
“It’syourhome,Selena.Youbelongthere.”
“Thisismyhomenow.”
“Yourbrotherasksaboutyoueverytimehecalls.”
Lowblow,Evanthought.
“Allhehastodototalktomeiscomehome.Permanently.”

“Idon’twanttoargueaboutthisagain.That’snotwhatI’mherefor.”
“Right.Youalreadysaidwhatyou’rehereforandI’mnotcominghome.Soyoucanleavenow.

You’vedoneyourmatronlyduty.”

HurtflickeredoverMrs.Cambridge-Jarboe’sface.
“Ijustflewacrossthecountry.Iplantostayhereafewdays.”
“Youcutmeofffromourmoneyandthenexpectmetoputyouuphere?”
“Iwasjusttryingtogetyoutocomehome,honey.Thehouseisawfullyquiet.”
“AniPodischeaperthanaplanetickettoTexas.”
“That’snotfair,Selena.”
Selenapulledouttheextracushionfrombehindherbackandreclinedonthesofa.Herlips

movedslightlyandittookseveralsecondsforEvantorealizeshewascountingtoherself.

“I’msorry,Mom.It’snotagoodtimeforme.Ireallyneedtorest.”
“Youlookpale.Iseverythingokay?”
“Dependsonhowyoudefineokay,”Selenamuttered.
EvantookSelena’shand,herveryapparentfatigueworryinghim.“Doessheknowanything

that’shappened?”heaskedherquietly.

“Idonot,”hermomsaid.“Yet.”
“Youneedtotellyourmomwhat’sgoingon,”Evansaid.“IcanleavetheroomorIcanstay.But

youhavetotellher.”

“Selena,whatisthismantalkingabout?”
Selenaclosedhereyes,frowning.Assheinhaled,hecouldseeherchestriseslowly.Hegaveher

handagentlesqueeze.

“Wheretostart?”Selenasaidflippantly,openinghereyes.
“Youdecide,”hereplied,planningtostaywithherunlesssheaskedforprivacy.
“Idon’tunderstandwhat’shappening,”hermomsaid.“Areyouinvolvedwithmydaughter?”
Involvedwasonewordforit.
“Dowehavetodothisrightnow?Forreal?”SelenaaskedEvan.
“Getitoverwith.Thensleep.”
Selenastaredattheceiling.“Well,Mom…I’mpregnant.”
Hermothergasped.Loudly.“Selena?”
“Knockedup.YourgrandbabyisdueJunetwenty-eighth.Ifitmakesitthroughtheweek.”
Silencefellovertheroomforseveralseconds.“Whatdoyoumean,ifitmakesitthroughthe

week?”

Selenaexplainedaboutherfallandrelatedthedoctor ’sprognosis.
“Oh,honey…you’vebeenhandlingthisallbyyourself?”
“DoIlooklikeI’malone?”
ClaraturnedherattentiontoEvan,studiedhim.“Thankyou,Evan,”shesaidfinally.“Areyouthe

baby’sfather?”

“Yes,ma’am.I’vebeentryingtoconvinceSelenatomarryme.”
“Isee,”wasallshesaid,andhertonewasindifferent.
“Stopplanningtheengagementparty,Mom.We’renotgettingmarried.”
“Iwasn’tplanning.Iwastryingtoprocesseverythingyou’vejusttoldme.Howcouldyounot

callme?Iwould’vesentyoumoneyforthedoctorifI’dknown.”

“Oh,no.Evan?”Selenasaid,paling.“Ididn’tthinkaboutthat….Howbigacheckdidyouhave

towriteatthehospitalthismorning?”

“Ididn’tpayforanyofit.They’llbillyou.Idon’tknowhowmuch.”
“I’llleaveyoumoneyforit,”hermomsaid,andshestarteddiggingthroughherhandbag.

“I’llfigureouthowtohandleit,Mom.I’vegotanincomenow.”
“You…what?”
“Ihaveajob.Twojobs,really.”
“MyGod,Selena.Whathashappenedtoyou?”ShesaiditasifSelenahadannouncedshewas

joiningthecircus.

“WhatdidyouexpectmetodowhenIcouldn’twithdrawmoneytobuyfood?”
“Ialreadytoldyou.Iexpectedyoutocomehome.”
Selenalookedasifshewasabouttosnapareplybutshestoppedherself.
“IthinkitwouldbebestifSelenagotsomesleepnow.Stressisthelastthingsheneeds,”Evan

said,takenabackbythewholeexchange.Hell,bythewholevisitandeverythingithadrevealedsofar.

Selenalookedathimingratitude.
“I’msorry,”hermothersaid.“You’reright,Evan.WhatcanIdotohelp,honey?”
“Nothingrightnow,”Selenasaid.“Actually…”
“Justsayit.Whateveryouneed.”
Whathadhappenedtothewomanwhowashorrifiedherdaughterhadtakenajob?
“Sinceyou’reintown,couldyoustayheretomorrowsoEvancangotowork?”
“Ofcourse.”
“I’vealreadymadearrangements,Selena,”Evantoldher.“IsaidIwouldstaywithyouandI

meantit.”Hehadlotstoprocessaboutthethingshe’dlearnedtonight,buthewasamanofhisword.

“I’llbeherealready,”Mrs.Cambridge-Jarboesaid.“Nothingtoworryabout.Youcanvisitifit

makesyoufeelbetterbutIcanhandlethejob.”

“Oryoutwocouldbothgetlostandgivemesomepeace.”Selenapressedherfingerstoher

temples.

“Whatfunwouldthatbe?”Evanasked.
“IcanbecomebetteracquaintedwithEvan,”hermomsaid.
“MaybeIcanjoinyou,”Selenasaiddrily.
“I’llpretendIdidn’thearthat,”hermomsaid,standing.“WhichroommayIsleepin?”
“Takeyourpick.Idon’tknowwhatconditionthey’rein.”
“Don’tworry,honey.I’lltakecareofit.”
“Thebedmightneedtobechanged,Mom.Itmightstillsmelllikesmoke.”
Hermom’seyeswidened.“WhatelsehaveImissed,Selena?”
Shetoldhermomaboutthefire,downplayingit.
“I’llcheckthesheets,”Evansaidashestood.“Please.Relax.”
“Youdon’thavetochangemymother ’sbed.”
“Shh.Rest.Wherearetheextras?”
“Inthehallclosetonthesecondfloor.Thisisridiculous.”Selenastartedtogetup.
“Down,”Evansaidwithagentlebutfirmhandtohershoulder.“I’vegotit.”
Mrs.Cambridge-Jarboewashalfwayupthestairs.Herluggagestillsatontheentryfloor,

waitingforsomeonetocarryitupstairs.Hepickedupthelargestbagandtookitwithhim.Hefound
herinthesecondroomontheleft,whichoverlookedthebeach.She’dalreadypulledbackthecovers
andwasrunningherhandoverthesheet.Shebentdowntosmellit,thennodded.

“Bad?”heasked.
“Needstobechanged.ButI’lldoit.”
Hallelujah.
“I’llsaygood-night,then.I’mgoingtohelpSelenatoherbedbeforeIleave.”
“Goodnight.”
TherewasnoneedtohelpSelenadoanything,Evanrealizedwhenhecamedownstairstoan

emptycouch.Herbedroomdoorwasajarandhetappedonit.Whenshedidn’tanswer,hepushedthe
dooropenalittlemoreandlookedin.Thelightswereoutandhecouldbarelyseeher.Shedidn’tstir.
Hecould’vewalkedoutandshewouldn’thaveknownthedifference,buthewascompelledtogointo
theroom.

Hestaredatherfaceassheslept,wonderingwhatothermajorpartsofherlifeshe’dneglected

tomention.Washemakingthemistakeofhislifeintryingtogethertomarryhim?

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

A

FTERTHREEDAYS

ofbedrest,Selenawasclimbingthewalls.She’dbeenhorizontalforsolongthat

shecouldnolongersleep,eventhoughitwasjustafterseveninthemorning.

HerappointmentwithDr.Martinwasinlessthantwohourssoshemightaswellshower.
She’dhadminorspottingthedayafterthefallandhadworriedherselfintoafit,butithad

stoppedsoonafter,justashermotherhadsomehowmanagedtocalmherdown.Otherthanthat,the
onlyproblemwasachinessfromthefallitself,andshe’dbeenassuredthatwasnormal.Shehadhigh
hopesforagoodreportonthebabyandreallyhopedshecouldgetbacktoanormallifenow.Or
whathadbecomehernewnormal.

Shewasalmostdonewiththefirefightermuralandhadbeenworkingonthedesignforthenext

one,atthenaturereserve.Ifshedidn’tgetbacktoitsoon,she’dfallwaybehind.

Afteralongshower,sheslowlygotdressedinrealclothesforthefirsttimesinceherwipeout.

Shesatonherbedtodryherhair,worn-outfromthesesmallefforts.

Bythetimeshehadeatenabagelwithpeanutbutter,itwaseighty-thirty.Hermotherhadn’tcome

downstairsyet,wasmostlikelystillasleep.Theappointmentwasn’tuntilnine.Maceywassupposedto
pickherupinfifteenminutes,soSelenadecidedtowaitoutside.

Steppingoutthefrontdoor,shestoppedshort.Evansatinhistruck,engineoff.Hisheadwas

reclinedandhiseyeswereclosed.

Shewalkedaroundtohissideandtappedonthewindow.Hejoltedawake.
“Hey,”hesaidasheopenedthedoor.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”sheasked.
“Yourappointment’satnine,right?”
“Yes.ButMacey’stakingme.”
“Selena,Iwanttobethere.Thisisimportant.”
“Ifiguredyouwereatwork.”
“Igotoffatseven.Youknowthat.”
“Youlooktired.”Acloselookathisfacerevealedshadowsunderhiseyes.“Longnight.”
Shepressedherhandoverherracingheart.“Badcall?”
“Justlotsoflittleones.Ithinkwehadfouraftermidnight.We’dgettenorfifteenminutes’sleep

andthenanotheralarmwouldgooff.”

“Butyou’resafe.”
“OfcourseI’msafe.Andflatteredyoucare.”
“Youshouldgohomeandgotobed.”
“No.Whetherthenewsisgoodorbadtoday,it’sbig.I’mgoingwithyou.”
“WhatshouldIdoaboutMacey?”
“CallherandtellherI’vegotitcovered,orshecangowithus.”
Selenatookherphoneoutofherpurse,knowingitwaspointlesstoargue.“I’llseeifIcancatch

her.”

D

R

.M

ARTINWAS

runningbehindanditwasallEvancoulddotostayawakeinthewaitingroom.

“Goaheadandsleep,”Selenasaid,touchinghisthighandhavingmoreofaneffectonhimthan

shecouldprobablyeverguess.Maybelustcouldwakehimup.

ThenursefinallycalledSelena’snameandtheybothstoodandfollowedhertothesame

ultrasoundroomthey’dbeeninatthefirstappointment.

Thenursehurriedthroughseveralquestionsandsaidthedoctorwouldbeinrightaway.Her

briskmannerunnervedEvan,asifsheexpectedbadnewsanddidn’twanttobecheerful.

“Turnaround,”Selenasaidtohim,holdingthesheetinfrontofher.
Hestaredatherforamoment.Wasshekidding?
“Evan.”
“I’veseenallthatbefore,darlin’.”
“Nothere.Please?”
Slowly,hebentoverandputhishandsoverhiseyes.
“Thankyou.”
Sheundressedinrecordtimeandsecuredthesheetaroundherwaist.Evanmight’veteasedherif

hehadn’tbeensotenseandreadytogetthisoverwith.

Itseemedasiftheysatthere,insilence,foranhour,butinrealityonlyabouteightminuteshad

passed.Dr.Martinknockedsoftlyonthedoorandgotstraighttobusiness,whichEvanappreciated.
Therewasatimeforchitchat,andwaitingtofindoutifyourbabywasstillalivewasdefinitelynotit.

“I’mgoingtoseeifwecanfindtheheartbeatwiththeDopplerfirst,”thedoctorsaid.“It’sless

invasive.Butkeepinminditmaybealittleearlyinthepregnancytohearit.Soifwecan’t,no
panicking.”

SheliftedSelena’sshirtafewinchesandloweredthesheettorevealherlowerabdomen.After

rubbinggeloverthearea,sheheldaninstrumentonSelena’sskinandmoveditaround.Itsounded
liketheseainaseashellthroughamicrophone,butEvandidn’thearanythingresemblingaheartbeat.

Thedoctorprobedforacoupleminutesandfrowned.“Okay.We’lldoanothervaginal

ultrasound.”

Shewasallbusinessassherolledtheequipmentcloserandputgloveson.
EvanleanedhisheadclosetoSelenaandkissedhercheek.“Doingokay?”heasked.
Shenodded,lookingslightlygreen.“You?”
“Notintheleast.”
“Almostready,”Dr.Martinsaid.Sheturnedthelightsoutandstartedtheprocedure.
Onceagain,Evancouldn’tmakeheadsortailsorheartbeatsoutofanythingonthescreen.

SecondstickedbyasthedoctorsearchedandSelenacringed.Heclosedhiseyes,tryingtoprepare
himselfforbadnews.

“Thereitis,”thedoctorsaid,herreliefevident.“Thatlittleheartisstillbeatingaway.”
“Yes!”Evansaid.HebroughtSelena’shandtohismouthandkissedit.
“Everything’sokay?”Selenaaskedinasmallvoice.
“Thatheartbeatisexactlywhatwewantedtosee,sweetie.I’mgoingtoglancearoundalittle

morebutyourbabylooksgood.”

SelenafinallyexhaledandsmiledupatEvan.Hekissedheragainandthoughthowbizarreitwas

thattheyweresorelieved.Ifsomeonehadtoldhimthreemonthsagohewouldbehereprayingfora
heartbeat,hewould’vesaidtheywereoutoftheirmind.

“Theplacentaappearstobeingoodshape,”Dr.Martinsaid.“Thatwasourmainconcern.

Baby’sgrowthisperfect.”ShewrotesomethingonSelena’schart.“Duedateisstillrightontarget.”

Afterafewmoreminutesofviewingtheblobpartsonthescreen,thedoctorfinishedupand

turneditoff.

“Everything’sokay,butIwantyoutotakeiteasyforanotherdayortwo.Nolongwalksor

vigorousactivity.Understand?”

Selenanodded.“Idon’thavetostayinbed,right?”
“Right.Butnapsareyourfriend.”ThedoctorfixedEvanwithastare.“Yougoingtoseetoitshe

lieslow?”

“Yes,ma’am.”
“Ifyouhaveanymorespotting,IwantyoubackinhereortheE.R.rightaway.Samewith

abdominalcrampingorpain.Gotit?”

“Gotit,”Selenasaid.“Thankyou,Doctor.”
“Okay.Nomoreromanticwalksonawetboardwalk,youtwo.”
SelenametEvan’seyesastheybothrecalledhowunromanticthatwalkhadbeen.
“Anythingelse?”Evanasked.
“I’llseeyouatyourregularappointment.Takecare.”

“S

O

,”S

ELENASAID

whentheywerebackinthetruck.“Soundslikewe’regoingtohaveababyafter

all.”

“Soundslikeit.Youstillokaywiththat?”
“Strangely…yes.IthinkI’dbeatleastalittleupsetifsomethingbadhappened.How’sthatfor

sickandtwisted?”

“Prettydarntwisted.”Heleanedhisheadbackanddrummedthesteeringwheelwithhisindex

fingers.“Me,too.”

Selenalookedathimsharply.Studiedhisprofileandfeltthepunchtohergutyetagainathow

good-lookinghewas.Whatsurprisedherevenmorewashisheart.Hislooksandcharmhadsuckered
herinthatfirstnightthey’dmet,andshe’dneversuspectedhewouldturnouttobesuchadecentman
deepdown.Shewishedlikecrazyhewasn’tsogood,didn’tthriveonhelpingpeopledayinandday
out.Maybeifhewasn’t,shecouldhandlelovinghim.

Notthatshedid.Lovehim.Shecouldn’t.Wouldnot.
“Iknowyou’repracticallysleepwalking,butwouldyoumindifwemadeonestopontheway

home?”

“Thegoodnewswokemeup.I’mfine.Justtellmewhere.”
Selenadirectedhimtooneofthemanystripmallsontheisland’smainstreet.Hepulledupin

frontofAbuela’sConsignmentsandstoppedtheengine.Helookedathersuspiciously.

“Notashopper?”shesaid,tryingtostifleagrin.
“You’resupposedtobetakingiteasy.”
“Thiswilltaketenminutesatthemost.”
Hecheckedhiswatch.“You’vegotten.Let’sgo.”
Selenadidn’twasteanytime.Theywalkedinsideandshelookedaroundforthesectionshe

needed.

“Hola,”anelderlywomansaidfromafewfeetaway.“CanIhelpyou?”
Selenasawwhatshewanted,smiledandsaid,“Notyet.”
ShetookEvan’shandanddraggedhimtothebackofthestore,wheretherewereseveralracks

andshelvesofbabyclothes.

“Selena,”hesaidwhenherealizedherintention.“Areyousureaboutthis?”
“I’mnotsureaboutanything,butthisisthefirsttimeI’vebeenintheleastbitexcited.Ithinkwe

shouldcelebratebybuyingthebaby’sfirstoutfit.”

Evangraduallysmiledashestaredather,thennodded.
Selenabrowsedthroughtherackclosest,whichhappenedtobefullofpinkandlavender,ruffles,

dresses,bows,kittiesandbunnies.

“He’llbescarredforlife,”Evansaid.
“He?”
“Youthinkit’sagirl?”
“Noidea.Ihaven’tthoughtthatfar.”Shemovedontothenextrack,whichhadsleepersinall

colors.Shepulledoneoftheminihangersofftherackandheldupatinylong-sleeved,footedpajama
inlightgreen.

Evantiltedhishead.“ToohotforJune?”
“Maybe,”Selenasaid.“It’ssolittle.”Shecheckedforasize.“Threetosixmonths.Theystart

smallerthanthis?”

“Andgrowbigfast.AtleastHenryhas.”
“Thatwasbig?”Shestuckthegreensleeperbackontherack.“Idon’tknowaboutthis.Maybe

it’sabadidea.”

EvanwanderedtothenextrackandSelenasearchedforalightersleeper,tryingtoignoreher

fear.

“Threeminutesleft,”Evansaid,butshenoticedhewasstillsearchingthroughbabyclothes.
“I’vegotit.”Selenapulledoutafuzzyyellowsleeperwithanall-overpanda-bearprint.
“Gotmine,”Evansaid.
Intrigued,andtouchedthathewaspickingsomethingout,too,shetookherchoicetotherack

wherehestood.

“You’rekidding,right?”
“What?Noway!Thisisit.Worksforeithergender.”
Selenaeyedtheonesie,shakingherhead.Itwaspurewhitewithafiretruckembroideredacross

thechest.Aroundthegraphic,itsaid,“Mydaddy’struckisbiggerthanyourdaddy’struck.”

“It’sperfect.Let’sgo.”Evanledherbythehandandtothecheckoutcounternearthedoorbefore

shecouldvoicehermisgivings.

“Whatdidyouselect?”theshopkeeperaskedastheylaidtheirchoicesonthecounter.“Ooh,so

cute.”Shemovedthemtowardthecashregistertoringthemup.“Cashorcredit?”

“Plastic,”Evansaid.
“Cash,”Selenasaidatthesametime.
“I’vegotit.”Evantookhiswalletoutofhisbackpocket.
“Thiswasmyidea.I’llgetthem.”
“Oh,”Evansaid,suddenlylookingannoyed.“HowcouldIforget?You’rerichenoughtobuythe

entirestripmall.”

“They’refivedollarsapiece,Evan.Don’tbelikethat.”
“Likewhat?”Hetookacardoutofhiswallet.“We’llpayforthemseparately,”hetoldthe

woman,whowatchedthemwithundisguisedinterest.

Theypurchasedeachoutfit—separately—insilenceandreturnedtothetruck.
“Clearly,wehavesomethingweneedtodiscuss,”Selenasaidaftertheywerein.
Evanleanedhiselbowonhisdoor.“Wereyoueverplanningtotellmeyou’reahigh-society

princess?Whatdotheycallthem?Debutantes?”

“Whyareyousoangry?Youneveraskedaboutmyfamily’sfinances.”
“Itdidn’tcrossmymindthatyoumightbericherthanGod.”
“I,personally,havebeenflatbroke.”
“Soyousaid.”
“Youheardmymom.ShecutmeofftogetmebacktoBoston.Ilefthomewithtwothousand

dollarscash,neverdreamingIwouldn’tbeabletogetmore.”

“Areyoulisteningtoyourself?Twogrand?Incash?”
Selenanarrowedhereyes.“What’sthisabout,Evan?Gettothepoint.”
“ThepointisthatI’vebeenconcernedabouttakingcareofthischildfinancially.Igaveupplans

tobuytheboatofmydreamsbecauseIwasworriedaboutpayingforacribandarockingchairand
themillionotherexpensesachildbrings.”

“Thisisaboutaboat?”
“No,it’snotaboutagoddamnboat,Selena.It’saboutmenotknowingathingaboutyou.”
“Well,thereyougo.Bestreasonyettostoptryingtogetmetomarryyou.Gobuyyourboat.”
Evanstartedthetruckanddrovetothebeachhousewithoutanotherword.
“Comingintosayhellotothehigh-societyqueen?”Selenaaskedwhenhestoppedinher

driveway.

“Idon’tthinkso.”
Selenastaredathim,herheadspinningfromthecrazyrollercoasterofamorning.“Seeyou.”

Sheclimbedoutandwentintothehouse.Ittookmorethanalittleeffortforhertoavoidlookingback
athim.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

E

VANHADBLOWNIT

theotherdayattheconsignmentstoreandheknewit.Whathedidn’tknowwas

howtofixit.

“What’sup?”DereksaidasEvanenteredtheShellShackjustafteritopened.
“Hey,Gus.”EvansatonastoolatthecounternexttoDerek’suncle.
“Howdy,boy.”Gusgavehimawrinklygrin.
“Where’sMaceytoday?”EvanaskedDerek.
“Tiedupwithmeetingsforherfoundation.I’mholdingtheforthere.”
“He’sfixin’totry,anyway,”Gusmutteredgood-naturedly.
“Mightbeabusyone,”Evansaid.“Haven’thadweatherthisgoodforacoupleweeks.”
“Bringiton,”Dereksaid.“NearlyeightydegreesinNovember.Wecoulduseit.”Hehelped

himselftoaCokefromthefountain.“WhatcanIgetyou?”

“Usual.Burger,loaded.Frieswithcheese.BottleofBud.”
DerekgotthebeerandsetitinfrontofEvanthenwenttothebacktostartthefood.Severalother

peoplesaunteredinandacoupleofthemcametothecountertoplaceanorder.

“They’redoingokaywiththisplace,aren’tthey?”Gussaidwithahintofpride.“’Course,

Maceycantakemostofthecredit.”

Evanchuckled,lookingaroundthem.“Onlyafewemptyseatsintheslowseason.I’dsaythat’s

awfullygood.Theykindofactasateam,don’tthey?”

Gusnodded.“She’sjustwhatheneeded.Andthebar.”
Derekhandleditwellastheysattherewatching,Evandistractedthewholetimebythoughtsof

Selena.

AfterordershadbeentakenandEvan’sfoodwasready,Derekleanedonthecounterandstolea

fry.“What’shappeningtoday?”

Evantookalongdrink.“Damagecontrol.”
“Uh-oh,”Gussaid.
“What’dyoudo?PissoffSelena?”
“Spokenlikeamanofexperience,”Evansaid.
“Hell,yeah.Beenthere.Willbethereagain.Sowhathappened?”
“Jointhebrotherhood,boys,”Gussaid.
Evanchewedhisburger.“FoundoutSelenaisstinkingrich.”
“Hallelujah.”Gusreachedoverthebarforatoothpick.
“Howstinkingrich?”Derekasked.
“Sheownsthebeachhouseshe’sstayingin.Notherfamily.Her.”
“Howdoessheownthat?”
“Herdadleftittoher.”
“Youjustfoundallthisout?”
“Didn’thaveanyidea.Acoupleweeksagoshe’dbeenplanningtogotothefreehealthclinic

becauseshewasbroke,supposedly.ShedrivesaSaturn,man.Hell,she’sbeenworkingtwojobs.”

Guspickedathisteethandshookhishead,amused.
Derekcrossedhisarms.“Nowthatyousayit,though,Icanseeit.She’sgotamannerabouther

thattellsyoushedoesn’teatbeansandweeniesfordinner.”

“She’sgot…class,Iguessyou’dcallit.Butshe’sdown-to-earth,”Evanadmitted.“Comparedto

hermother.”

“Ismomasnob?”
Evantoldthemaboutthelimo,thedriver,theluggage.“Whowearspearlsforacross-country

flighttothebeach?”

Derekchuckled.“Yourfuturemother-in-law,ifyougetyourway.”
“Yougotyourhandsfull,son,”Gussaid.
“WhatthehellamIgettinginto?Whathappenedtomylife?”
“SometimesIshakemyheadwhenIrealizeinafewmonthsI’llbeamarriedman,”Derek

commiserated.“IimagineMaceywillwantbabiessoonafter.Downrightcrazy,man.”

“Youdon’tseemtooworriedaboutit,”Evansaid,grinning.
“Dohimsomegood.”Gusnoddedandcrossedhisarms,chewingontheendofthetoothpick.
“Wouldn’tchangeathing,”Dereksaid.“Sowhat’dyoudototickoffyourrichgirl?”
“Actedlikeasonofabitchwhenshewantedtopayforafive-dollarbabyoutfit.”
Dereknoddedsympathetically.“Howyougoingtofixit?”
“WishIknew.IneedtomakeituptoSelena.Scoringsomepointswithhermomwouldn’tbea

badplan,either.Selenawon’tlistentoheropinion,butI’dliketogetalongwiththeicequeenifwe’re
goingtobefamily.”

“You’restillthinkingmarriage,then?”
“Nothing’schangedthere.”
“Hoo,dog,”Gushowled.
DerekstudiedEvan.“Youcaremorethanyou’relettingon.It’snotjustaboutthekidanymore,is

it?”

Evanstaredintohishalf-fullbottle.“It’snotjustthekid.ButIdon’tknowwhatthehellitis.”
AcustomercameuptothecountertoorderdrinksandDerekservedherandcollectedher

money.HereturnedtoEvan,wipinghishandsonthetoweloverhisshoulder.

“So.Selenaandhermom,”Dereksaid.“Youplaythingstheirway.Takethemoutforafancy

dinnerorsomething.Wineanddinebothofthem.Throwinsomegrovelinginprivate.”

“That’swhatI’mthinkin’,”Gusagreed.
Evannodded.Hejustneededtofigureoutthewine-and-dinething.Hewasaburgerandbeer

man.Selena’smomwasmorecaviarandchampagne.Therehadtobeawaytobringtheirworlds
togetherwithoutactinglikesomethinghewasn’t.

S

ELENACOULDN’T

helpbutwonderwhatEvanwasupto.

Stillangry,shehadn’tbeenthrilledtohearfromhim,butforoncehe’dcalledherinadvance

andaskedifhecouldtakeherout.Herandhermom.Shewasjustcuriousenoughtoacquiesce,
surprisedhermotherhadagreedtogo,aswell.Clarahadneverbeenthetypeofmomwholikedto
spendtimewithSelenaandherfriends.Notinthepastdecadeandahalf.

EvanhadgivenSelenaverylittleinformationaboutwheretheyweregoingorwhattheywere

doing,sayingonlytowearlayersandbringajacket.They’dlikelybegoneforafewhours.

Clarawasflutteringimportantlyaroundthehouse,tryingontheresortwearshe’dboughtfor

hertriptoSanAmaro,eventhoughitwascompletelyinappropriate.Asifthiswasacruiseshipor
something.SelenajusthopedshewouldbehaveherselfaroundEvan.

Selenaworejeans,afittedbutton-downblousethatwasonlyalittlesnuginthelowerabdomen

andacasualpatchworksweater.Shecarriedaloose-knitsweater-jacket.Shedoubtedshe’dneedthe
jacket—herbodytemperaturehadseemedtogoupabouttendegreesinthepastmonthorso.Herhair

waspulledbackathernapeinalowponytail.Sherushedtothrowonsomemakeupbeforehearrived.

Afewminuteslater,EvanknockedonthedoorandSelenalethermotheranswerit.Sherefused

tobeexcitedtoseehim,notafterthewaythey’dleftthingstheotherday.Heobviouslyhadsomedeep
issuesaboutherfamily’sbankaccount—eventhoughshe’dbeencutofffromit.

“Selena,areyouready?”hermothercalled.
Shegatheredherpurseandjacketandsteeledherselfagainstanyreactiontohim.
Didn’twork.
Whenshewentouttothelivingroom,shecaughtherbreathasshelaideyesonhim.Hewas

dressedindark,wornjeansthatmoldedtohisthighsandbuttasifthey’dbeenstitchedaroundhim
andanavyblueT-shirtthatstretchedacrosshiswide,muscledchest.Heleanedagainstthewallinthe
hallway,hiscornflower-blueeyesgluedtoher,onlyasexyhintofasmileonhisface.

“Hi,”shesaid,doingherbesttopretendshewasn’taffectedbyhimintheleast.
“Hi.Glady’allareabletogooutwithsuchshortnotice.”
“Areyougoingtotelluswherewe’regoingnow?”
“That’druinthesurprise,wouldn’tit?”
“I’mokaywiththat.”
“Selena,whendidyouforgethowtohavefun?”hermotheraskedasshepulledonacaramel

suedejacket.

“Afewweeksago,whenIfoundoutIwaspregnant.”
“Youmightenjoythisifyouletyourself,”Evansaid.Hishandonthesmallofherback,he

guidedhertowardthedoorbehindhermother.

Theywerehitbyblindingsunlightwhentheysteppedoutside.
“Iforgotmysunglasses,”Clarasaid.“I’lljustbeamoment.”ShewentbackinsidewhileSelena

tookherownsunglassesoutofherbagandputthemon.

“Ihopeyouknowwhatyou’redoing,”shesaidastheynearedhertruck.“Ifsheisn’thappy,no

onewillbehappy.”

“Don’tworrysomuch,”Evansaid.“I’llwinherover.”
“Isthatwhatthisisabout?Becauseifso…”
Shewasabouttosaytherewasnopointbecausehewasn’tgoingtowinhermotherover.Selena

hadbeentryingforyears.Hermomhurriedoutthedoor,though,andSelenakeptthecommentto
herself.

“Justwanttogettoknowyourfamily,”Evansaid,closetoherear.“Hopeyoudon’tmindriding

inthebackseat.It’ssmallbutwe’reonlygoingafewmiles.”

“It’sfine,”Selenasaid,followinghimtothepassengerdoor,whereheslidtheseatforwardand

helpedherin.Herbellyhadseeminglyswollenovernightandforthefirsttime,shecouldfeelitas
shebentforward.Justbarely,butitwasthere,biggerthanusual.Sheputherhandonherabdomenas
shesatbackonthenarrowseat,tryingtoimaginewhatitwouldbelikeinseveralweekstofeelthe
babyactuallymove.Tooweird.

Evanhelpedhermomuptothefrontseat,thenwentaroundtothedriver ’ssideandgotin.An

uneasysilencesettledoverthemasEvanbackedout,andSelenathoughthownoneofthemhada
singlethingincommon.Thisouting,whateveritwas,could—andlikelywould—turnouttobea
nightmare.

Evansurprisedher,though.Heaskedhermomquestionsaboutplacesshe’dtraveled.Toldher

abouttheisland’shistoryandexplainedsomeofthesitesastheydroveby.Hermomlovedtalking
abouttravelandseemedinterestedineverythinghesaid.Thefive-minuteridewentmuchbetterthan
Selenahadexpected.Thatwasastart.

Evanturnedintoamostlydesertedparkinglotonthebaysideoftheisland.Theshorewas

acrossanarrowstreetandwaslinedwithsmallbusinesses,mostofthembarsandrestaurants
capitalizingonthewatersidelocation.

“You’retakingustoabar,”Selenaguessed,hopingtoGodshewaswrong.
“I’mtakingyoutotheSanAmaroMarina.”
Theywalkedthreeabreastonthewidesidewalkthatwoundbehindthebusinessesandledtothe

docks.Selena’sfingersitchedasshetookintherowsofboats,mostofthemgargantuan,some
sailboatsandlotsofyachts.She’dhavetopaintthiscolorfulscenesoon.

Theairbuzzedwithactivityaspeoplepreparedtotaketheirvesselsoutorbroughtthembackin.

Sunbathersstretchedoutondecksintheafternoonsun;sportfishermenfiddledwiththeirequipment,
acoupleofkidsspitovertherailingofoneboatintothebay.Everyoneseemedinacelebratorymood
becauseoftheperfectunseasonableweather.

“IneverknewtherewassomuchmoneylurkingaboutonSanAmaro,”Selenasaidasthey

trekkedoutontooneofthemainheavy-dutydocks.“Idon’trememberanyofthisfromwhenIwasa
kid.”

“It’sfantastic,”hermomsaid,andSelenawishedshemeantthesettingandtheboats,notthe

money.

“Whatarewedoing?”Selenaasked.
“You’llsee.”Evanwalkedahead,leadingthemontodocknumbertwo.
“Beautiful,”Selena’smomsaidastheywanderedpastyachtsthatcouldprobablysleepasmall

armyandsailboatswithtoweringmasts.

Evanturnedontooneofthenarrowperpendiculardocks,hisattentionrivetedontheboattohis

right.Itwasoneofthesmalleronesinthemarinayetstillbigenoughforalargegroup.Thename
paintedonthesidewasHotWater.

“It’soursfortheafternoonifyouladiesaregame.”
ClaraeyedtheboatcriticallyandSelenaheldherbreath,waitingforhertopassjudgment.
“Arewetrespassing?”Selenaasked,onlyhalfjoking.
Evanclimbedontotheboatandturnedtohelpthem.“Belongstothefirechief,”heexplained

whenSelenadidn’tmove.“Hegavemepermission,MissWorrywort.”

HermothertookEvan’shandandclimbedaboard.Shemadeherselfathome,exploringthedeck

andtheviewfromeverysidewithouthesitation.

“Doyouknowhowtodriveit?”Selenaasked,stillonthedock.
Thelookhegavehersaidthequestionwasinsulting.Finallyshegaveinandjoinedthem.
Evanshowedthemaround.TheinteriorwasevenbiggerthanSelenawould’veguessed,with

threebedrooms,orstateroomsasEvaninformedhertheywerecalled,agalley,diningareaand
livingroomwithabigflat-screenTVandcomfortable-lookingfurniture.Afterseeingthisthing,
Selenacouldn’timaginetheinsidesofthelargervesselsoutthere.

“Whatdoyouthink?”Evanaskedthem.
Selenawaited.Hermomwouldnodoubtsayexactlywhatshethought,goodorbad.
“I’vealwayswantedaboat.”Clarasatdownontheoverstuffedsofainthelivingroom.“I’d

probablypreferasailboat—there’ssomethingsoromanticaboutridingthewind.”

“Whyhaven’tyoujustboughtasailboat,then?”Selenaasked.Moneycouldn’tbewhatheldher

back,andusuallywhenhermomwantedsomething,sheboughtit.

“It’salargecommitment.There’sjustalwaysbeenotherthingstoconsider.Trips.Thehouse

here.Nantucket.Cars.”

“I’vebeensailingacoupleoftimes,”Evansaid.“Coulddefinitelyseetheallure.”
“Thisisn’tbad,”Selena’smomsaid.“Itshoulddojustfineforanafternoononthewater.”
Selenarestrainedherselffromrollinghereyes.Nowthattheyhadthequeen’sblessing…

“Istheboatyouwantedtobuylikethisone?”Selenaasked,belatedlyrecallingwhathe’dsaid

duringtheirargument.

“Olderandsmaller.Justonestateroomandonehead.Onlythirty-fivefeet.Butthesametype.It’s

calledatrawleryacht.Patternedafterafishingtrawlerbutmadeintoaluxuryboat.”

“Usedforfishing?”Selenaasked.
“Youcouldfishoffitbutit’sbestforcruising.Alotofpeopleliveonthemastheygofromone

porttoanother.KindoftheRVoftheocean.”

Selenanodded,tryingtoimaginethatkindoflifestyle.“Whereareyoutakingustoday?”
“Thoughtwe’dgooutontheGulfandhaveapicnic.Istockedthefridgeandthebar.I’llhave

youhomebyearlyevening.”

“Willyoumakeitthatlong?”Selenaaskedhermom.
“OfcourseIwill.I’dliketoseewhatthistrawleryachtcando.MaybeI’llbuyonemyself.”
SelenasnuckaglanceatEvan,wonderingifhermother ’scavalierattitudeaboutthrowinga

largesumofmoneyintoaboatonawhimwouldgrateonhim.Ifso,hehiditwell.

EvanbusiedhimselfpreppingtheboattogooutontheGulf.HedirectedSelenathroughhelping

him,whileClaraperchedonthemostcomfortablechaironthetopdeckandwatched.

Awhilelater,theywerewayoutinthewater,barelyabletoseeland.Evanhadturnedtheengine

offandtheydrifted.Afewotherboatswerescatteredhereandthere,buttheywereagooddistance
fromtheHotWater.Thesunbeatdown,butthethreeofthemsatonthetopdeckunderaheavy-duty
awning.ThebreezeoutherewaschillyandSelenawasgladshehadwornlongsleeves.

Sheleanedherheadbackontheupholsteredseatandbreathedinthesalty,dampairastheboat

rockedfreely.

“I’mgoingtogetdrinks,”Evansaid.“I’llbebackinafew.”
“I’llhelpyou,”Selenasaid.
“No.Sitandrelax.It’saone-manjob.”
Sittinginthefreshair,SelenafeltlikeabowlofJell-O,soshedidn’targue.Evandisappeared

downthenarrowstairsandwentinside.

“Thiscouldbeaproblem,”hermothersaid.
“Whatcould?”Selenawasusedtohermother ’sover-reactions.
“Theswayoftheboat.I’mfeelingalittlebit…green.”
Selenastraightened.“Areyougoingtothrowup?”
“Idon’tthinkso.Notnow.”
“Doyouneedtoliedownorsomething?”
“IbelieveI’llgoseeaboutsomeseltzer.”
SelenaletherfollowEvanandclosedhereyesagain,takingadvantageofthesolitude,nomatter

howtemporary.

O

NCEINTHEPRIVACY

ofthecabin,Evanletoutalongbreath,relievedhisideahadgoneoverwell

withSelenaandespeciallyhermom.NothingwouldimpresstheolderJarboeasmuchasthelargest
damnboatinthemarina,butsheseemedokaywiththeideaofspendingtheafternoononthewater.

Hewonderedifhe’djumpedtoconclusionstoosoonasthedooropenedandMrs.Cambridge-

Jarboeenteredthelivingroom.Shemovedslowlyanddidn’tstandquitestraight.Muststillbegetting
hersealegs.

“I’dliketotalktoyou,”shesaid.“Inprivate.”
Oh,boy.Heregoessomething,hethought,thoughhehadnoideawhat.

“’Course.Haveaseat.”Thegalleywasopentothelivingroomsoheheadedintofixtheir

drinks.Hemightendupneedingahardoneafterall.Forthemoment,hestucktolemonade.

Insteadofsittinginacozychairinthelivingroom,Selena’smomclimbedontooneofthe

raisedstoolsatthecounterthatseparatedthegalleyandthelivingroom.

“Whatareyourintentionswheremydaughterisconcerned?”
Evanwasfillingglasseswithicefromtheicemakerintherefrigeratorandmissed.Iceclattered

tothewoodenfloor.

“ItoldyouI’veaskedhertomarryme.”
“Yes.Why?”
Evansettheglassdown,startled.“Excuseme?”
“Whywouldyoudothat?You’reyoungand,fromwhatIcantell,don’tknowSelenaverywell

atall.I’mgoingtohazardaguessthatit’snotbecauseyouloveher.”

“Ihatetoruinyourrosyviewbutpeopledogetmarriedforreasonsotherthanlove,Mrs.

Cambridge-Jarboe.”

“I’malltooawareofthat.AndI’maskingwhatyourreasonis.”
Evanturnedhisbacktoherandpulledthebottleddrinksout.Ashesetthemonthecounter,he

methereyes.“SelenaandImessedup.We’rehavingababytogether.LastIknew,itwasconsidered
badformtodesertawomanyougotpregnant.”

“I’dlovesomeseltzerifyouhaveit.There’sabigdifferencebetweendesertingandcommitting

tospendyourwholelifewithsomeone.”

“Yes.Thereis.Idon’ttakeitlightly,ma’am.”Heopenedtherefrigeratoragain.“Spriteisas

closeasI’vegot.”

Shenodded.“I’mgladtohearyoudon’ttakeitlightly,butIstillwantyoutomakeme

understand.Whatareyouafter?”

Evansetdownthebottlehe’dbeenpouringfrom,fightingtomaintaincivility.“Whydon’tyou

askmewhateveritisyoureallywanttoknow,Mrs.Cambridge-Jarboe?Enoughofthisbeating
aroundthebush.”

Thewomanstaredintentlyintohiseyesandnoddedonce.“Isithermoney?”
Evandroppedhisshouldersandchuckled.“Really?YouthinkI’mhangingaroundforapieceof

thebankaccountshecan’taccess?”

“That’stemporaryandyouknowit.”
“Iknownothingofthesort.Ican’tbegintounderstandyourrelationshipwithSelenaandhow

moneyrelatestoit.Idon’twantto,frankly.”

“Buthermoneywouldbenice,wouldn’tit?”
Evannarrowedhiseyesandactuallyfelthisbloodpressurerise.“Withallduerespect,Iseealot

ofthingsIlikeinSelena.Hermoneyisn’toneofthem.TheSelenaIknowhastwojobsandworksher
buttoff.Andthat’soneofthethingsIlikeabouther.”

Shecontinuedtostudyhim.“Whatelsedoyoulikeabouther?”
Evanhadfinishedpouringthethreedrinksandstoodthere,ataloss.Helikedplenty,buthe

didn’tfigurethethingsSelenadidtohiminbedwouldimpresshermother.

Hereyesboredintohimandhetappednervouslyonthecounter.
“Ilikeherguts,”hefinallysaid.“Ilikethewayshe’sdeterminedtomakeitonherownafter

leadingasomewhatshelteredlife.IlikewhenshelaughsandIcanseethere’ssomuchmoretoher
thanthebeautyontheoutside.Ilikethat,despitenotbeingreadyforparenthood,shedoesthebest
thingforthatbaby,nomatterwhat.”

Hepickeduptwooftheglasses.“Excuseme,I’mgoingtotakeSelenaherdrink.”
Mrs.Cambridge-Jarboedidn’tmove,didn’tsayaword.Untilhegottothedoortothedeck.

“Evan.”
Hestopped.Turnedtolookather,readytodobattle.
Shenoddedslowly,thoughtfully.“Ilikeyou.Ihopeyoucanconvinceher.”
Evannearlystumbled.“Thankyou,ma’am.”Hehesitated,notsurewhatelsetosay.“Yougoing

tojoinus?”

“I’mgoingtosipmydrinkandhopeitsettlesmystomach.I’llbeupinafewminutes.”
“Takeyourtime.Beingseasickisnofun.”
“I’mgladwetalked,”shesaid,movingtothecouch.“Ithinkweunderstandeachotheralittle

better.”

Evannoddedandwentoutside.Havinghermother ’sblessingwasagoodthing.Now,ifonly

convincingSelenacouldbehalfaseasy.

CHAPTERTWENTY

S

ELENAHADTOADMIT

shewasimpressed.Begrudgingly.

Evanhadsomehowkepthermotherhappyfortheentireafternoon.Inspiteofherongoing

nausea.Hermomhadbehavedandhadseemedtoenjoybeingoutwiththem.

EvanhadtakentheboatnorthofSanAmaroandwasheadingtothemarinainalittleburgwhere

afallfestivalwasgoingon.TheFerriswheelhadcaughttheirattentionfirst,andastheysteeredin
closer,theycouldseeacolorfulbouncycastle,akiddierollercoaster,amerry-go-roundandawhole
stripofconcessionstands.ThesoundofbanjomusicandlaughterreachedthemasEvanguidedthe
boatintoanemptyslip.

“Areyougoingtomakeit,Mom?”
Claralookedpositivelypalegreen.“ThedriverIcalledwillbeintheparkinglot.Ifyougetme

tothelimo,I’llbejustfine.”

“You’vegotanhour ’sdriveorso,”Evantoldher.“Oryoucouldgetaroomhere.”Bythetime

she’dsurrenderedandsaidshecouldn’ttakeanymore,thishadbeentheclosestplaceforEvanto
dock.

Selena’smotherlookedaroundatthetownandwrinkledhernose.“I’llbefine.I’lljuststretch

outinthebackandsleep.”

Selenanodded.“Ifshecanturnuphernoseatthehotel,she’sokay.”
“Hey,”hermomsaid.“Ididn’tturnupmynose.”
“AndthePopeisn’tCatholic.”
EvangrinnedandthencalledoutordersforSelenatohelphimtietheboat.Assoonastheyhad

itsecured,hermotherwasonthedock,mutteringherrelief.Selenawasrelieved,too,tobepacking
hermomoffonhermerryway.Thewomanhadbehaved,relativelyspeaking,butspendinglong
periodsoftimetrappedonaboatwithherwasnotSelena’sideaofagoodtime.Theonlybadpartof
theplanwasthatoncetheygotClaraonherway,SelenawouldbeleftalonewithEvan.Notgood.

Thelimowaseasytofind.NotexactlyalotofthoseinPodunk-ville,Texas.Selena’smom

linkedelbowswithherastheywalked.

“Willyoucalluswhenyougetback?Soweknowyou’reokay?”sheaskedhermom.
“I’mnotgoingtobotheryoutwo.I’malreadyfeelingbetter,justgettingoffthewater.Youenjoy

yourselves.”

EnjoyingherselfwasexactlywhatSelenawasafraidof.Shewasn’tsureshehadthewillpowerto

resistEvan.

“Fine.Callusifyouneedanything.”
Theyreachedthelimoandstoodafewfeetaway,waitingforthedrivertoacknowledgethem.
“Evan,thankyoufortakingusoutonthewater.Iapologizeforbeingadowner.”
“Youweren’tadowner.Nexttimewe’llgetyousomeantimotionsicknesspillsandoneofthose

metalbraceletsthataresupposedtohelp.”

Claralookedupathim.“Evan,honey,nooffense,butthereisn’tgoingtobeanexttime.”
Evanchuckled.“Whathappenedtobuyingasailboat?”
“Thoseplansareoffindefinitely.”
ThedrivergotoutandaskedifshewasMrs.Cambridge-Jarboe.Ashehelpedherintothecar,

shesmiledandwaved.

“Idon’tgetit,”Selenasaid.

“Getwhat?”Theyturnedawayfromthelimousineandwalkedtowardtheheartofthefestival

action.

“Whatyoudidtoher.It’slikeyoutwobecamebestfriendsforeverallofasudden.”
“Jealous?”
“Notintheleast.Youtwocanhaveeachother.I’llmovetoPanama.”
“You’renotrunningoffagain,”hesaid.
Selenaignoredhim.
Thesunhaddroppedbelowthehorizonsincethey’ddocked.Thewholeparkcamealivewith

flashinglights,andlivemusicfilledtheair.Asinfulmixofaromasdriftedaroundthem—funnel
cakes,cottoncandy,hotdogs,tacos.Itwaswarmeronlandthanithadbeenoutonthewater,even
thoughthetemperaturehaddroppedwiththesun,butSelenapulledhersweatertightlyaroundherself.

“Hungry?”Evanasked.
“Nothorribly,afterthefeastontheboat,butIplantoeatanyway.”Shegrinned,lookingforward

tosomegreasy,sugaryfairfood.

“Whichstanddowehitfirst?”heasked,takingherhand.
Hewasn’tsupposedtoholdherhand.Shewasn’tsupposedtolethim.Yetshecouldn’tbring

herselftopullawayfromhisgrasp.Holdinghandswasokay,wasn’tit?Itwasdifferentfromkissing.
Muchdifferentfromgettingnaked.Besides,itwasawaytocommunicateinthenoisycrowd.Sheled
himawayfromthethrongofmillingpeople,tothecottoncandystand.

“Ishould’veknownyou’reallaboutthesugarandfluff,”Evansaidastheywalkeduptothe

counter.

“Notmanypeoplegettoseemysweetside.”
Helaughedandshelikedthesmooth,lowsoundofit.“Right.Suchameangirl.”
“Waitandsee.Trytowithholdmyfoodfrommeandyou’llsufferthewrath.”
“Yougotmeshaking.We’resplittingone.Thisstuffhasnosubstancewhatsoever.Itcan’tbe

goodforthebaby.”

“Betterplantoeatyourhalffast,”shetaunted.
Evanorderedthecottoncandyandtheysatonabench,tearingitapart.Bythetimetheywere

done,theirfingerswerestickyandblue.Andbeforesheknewwhathewasdoing,Evantookher
indexfingerinhismouthandgentlysuckedthecandyoffit.

Selena’sbodybuzzedwithawareness.Justfromthatmouth,thattongue…onherfinger?Shewas

soweak.

“That’snaughty,”shesaid.
“Youwantmetostop?”Hiseyeswerealivewithmischiefandmorenaughtiness.
Sheglancedathislipsandthenbackatthoseeyes.“Yes.Please.”
Henodded.“Toquoteyourmom,whendidyouturnnofun?”
“Iwasbornnofun.”
“Iwouldn’tbuythatifitwasonsale.I’veseenyoudoingfun.”
Selenacouldn’taffordtothinkaboutthefunhemeant.Shepoppedupoffthebenchandlooked

downathim.“Areyougoingtoplaygameswithme?”

Helookedconfused,thengotveryserious.“I’mnotagameplayer,Selena.”
Shetriednottosmile.“Imeantthecarnivalgames.Youdon’tplaythem?Really?”
“That’sadifferentstory.”Hestood.“Whichgamewouldyoulikemetowinfirst?”
“Idon’tmeantokeepharping,butyoureallyneedtoworkonyourself-esteem,”shesaiddrily.

“Ithinkit’sholdingyouback.”

HegrinnedsmuglyandheadedinthedirectionofGameLane.Selenafollowedhim,vowingto

bringhimdown.

T

WOHOURSLATER

,theywalkedslowlytowardthemarina,Evancarryinganoversizestuffedpenguin

andholdingSelena’shand.Shewasbeyondthepointoffightingtemptationandhaddecidedsheliked
touchinghim,sowhyshouldn’tshe?Justfortonight.

“Yousureyou’reokaywiththat?”Selenaaskedhim,pointingatthepenguinandtryingtokeepa

straightface.

“Justfine.Thanksforyourconcern.”
“It’smightyniceofyoutohaulmywinnings,sir.”
“Careful.ImightaccidentallydropPedrohereinthewater.”
“Youknowwhat?”Selenastoppedwalkingandtiltedherhead.“I’mgoingtogivethatbirdto

you.He’syours.Sinceyoudidn’twinoneandall.”

Evanstopped,too,andtried,butfailed,tolookstern.“Youareobnoxious.”
“Itry.”Sheshiveredandranherhandsoverherupperarms.
“Gettingcold.Theboathasaheater.”
“Soundsheavenly.Let’shurry.”
“Don’trushme.Pedrohereisabigburden.”
“Iknowyou’renotinsultingmypenguin.”
“Yousaidhewasmypenguin.”
“Ifyou’regoingtoinsulthim,youcan’thavehim.”
Evanlookeddownatherintheilluminationfromthemarinalamppost.“Believeme,it’snothim

Iwant.”

Herbodyreactedtohiswordswithalongingdeepinside.“Ithinkthatfallsunderthe‘naughty’

categoryagain.”

“Thatkeepshappening.”
“Youshouldworkonit.”
Theywereatthedockwheretheboatwasmoored.Evanledherdownthenarrowwalkway,the

blackwatersplashingagainstthesupportsbelow.Hehelpedheraboardandsteadiedherwithhis
handsonherhipsasPedrolookedonfromthefloorofthemaindeck.

“Yousaidsomethingaboutaheater?”Selenaasked.
“Goingbeacoldridehome.Ihavetoworkatseventomorrowmorningbutwejusthavetimeto

goinsideandwarmupforawhilebeforeheadingback.”

“I’mnotgoingtoargue.”
“Firsttimeforeverything.”
“ShowrespectfortheRingTosschampion,please.”
“Iranoutofones.OtherwiseIwould’vedethronedyou.”
Theywentthroughtheslidingdoorintothelivingroom.Evanturnedonadimlampontheend

table.Selenaexcusedherselftousetherestroom.

Whenshecameoutofthehead,asEvaninsistedoncallingit,intothebedroom,helayunderthe

blanketsononesideofthebed.Heflippedtheothercornerdownandpattedthemattress.“Electric
blanket,”heexplained.

Selenastaredathim,fullyclothed,itappeared,stretchedoutinthosesatinyblacksheets.Shegot

agoodeyefulbeforeflippingoffthebathroomlightswitchandsendingtheroomintodarkness.The
endofthebedwasonlyacoupleoffeetfromthedoorway,soshefeltherwaytohim.Shesatonthe
edgeofthemattressandkickedhershoesoff,thencrawledinnexttohim.

“Feeltheheat?”heasked,pullingherclosetohim.
Lord,didshefeeltheheat.“Yes.Mytoesmaythawyet.”

Shecouldn’tseehimatallyet,astheonlylightcamefromaradioalarmclocknexttothebed.

Hisbreathwhisperedonherforeheadthough,andhisheartthuddedhardinhischest,beneathher
hand.Theylay,unmoving,insilence,forseveralminutes.Sheclosedhereyesandfocusedontherise
andfallofhischest,wonderingwhyhedidn’tkissher.

“Selena.”Hisvoicewaslow.Quiet.Strangelycomforting.“Ioweyouanapology.”
“Youowethepenguinanapology,actually,”shesaid,smiling,notsureshewantedtogetinto

anythingseriousthatmightmakeherthinktoomuch.Mighttalkheroutof…this.Beinghere.

“Pedrowillbefine.I’msorryaboutthethingsIsaidtheotherday.Aboutyourfamilyandyour

money.”

“Okay,”shesaidslowly.“Mymomiskindofobnoxiousaboutit,Iknow.It’shardtoignore.”
“Alotofpeoplecouldletitgo,butyoudeservetounderstandwhereI’mcomingfrom,”hesaid.

“Igrewuppoor,Selena.Dirt-poorwould’vebeenastepup.”

“Iunderstand—”
“No.Youdon’t.There’snowayyoucould.Nooffense,butthereisn’t.”
Shefrowned,acknowledgingsilentlythatmaybeshedidn’t.Shewantedto,though.“Helpme

understand,Evan.”

Heblewouthisbreaththenrolledtohisback,puttingdistancebetweenthem.Selenawaited.
“Mymomdidn’thaveaneasychildhood,”hebegan.“Shegotpregnantyoung,endedupalone

withtwoallbyherself.Lifeworeherdownfastandtherewasalwaysaquestionofwhethershe’d
makerentorhaveenoughtofeedus.Wegotevictedseveraltimes,endedupsleepinginthecarevery
onceinawhile—abeat-upstationwagon.”

Selenalistenedinhorror.Sheknewpeoplewerehomeless,knewmanydidn’tgetenoughtoeat.

Butit’dneverbeendrivenhometohersoeffectively.EventhekidsatArttoHearthadhomes.

“I’mso,sosorry,Evan.You’reright.Ican’tunderstand.Can’tcomprehendhowanyofyou

couldbearit.”

“I’mnotproudofitbutit’sabigpartofwhoIam,”Evansaid.“Itakecareofmymoney.Clay

saysIhoarditandit’strue.IputawayeveryextracentIcan.”

Selenafoundhisarmandheldontoitasshelistened.
“Whenyousaidyoucouldn’tpayforgoodmedicalcare,itpushedallmybuttons.Iintendedto

dowhateverIcouldsoyou’dhavethebasics.Whateveryouneeded.”

Selena’sheartswelledwhenshefinallyrealizedtheextentofhowshe’daffectedhim.He’dfound

outsheneededhelpandhe’dbeenpreparedtogiveittohernomatterwhat,regardlessofthe
sacrifice.Theboat,foronething.

“Thenyoufoundouthowwell-offmyfamilyis,”shesaidregretfully.“Andthatmust’veseemed

likeIwasaspoileddramaqueen.”

“Iwouldn’tputitthatway,”Evansaid.“Itwasashock.What’supwiththeSaturn?Whynota

Bimmer?”

Selena’slipsstretchedintoahalfgrin.“TheSaturnannoyedmymothernoend.”
“Icanimagine.Thethingis,findingoutaboutyourfamilymademefeellikeanidiot.

Inadequate.”

“Youcouldneverbeinadequate,”shesaid.Ifhewereinadequate,shewouldn’tbeinquitethe

samedilemmanow.“Atanyrate,mymotherishard-coreaboutmoney,andmaybeIcameoffthe
sameway.”

“You’renotyourmom.You’renothinglikeher.”
“That’sthebiggestcomplimentI’veevergotten.”Themoodlightenedastheybothlaughed.

“She’snotthatbad.”

“Yeah,youtwowerebuddy-buddyallafternoon.Whatdidyouputinherdrink?”

“Notathing.Thatwasallcharm,darlin’.”
“Youkeeptalkingaboutthatcharm,butI’mstillwaitingtoseeit.”
“Iseemtoremembercharmingyourpantiesrightoffyou.”
Hedippedhishandsinsideherjeansandbelowthepantieshewassofixatedon.Hisfingerson

herbareskinlitheronfire.Shesquirmedandarchedherbodyintohis.

“Putyourmoneywhereyourmouthis.Ormaybeyourmouthwhereyourhandsare,”shesaid,

grinning.

“WhatkindofguydoyouthinkIam?”Hisvoicehadgonehusky.
“I’mhopingyou’restillthenaughtykind,”shesaid,barelymorethanawhisper.
“Seenow,I’vegottenintroubleforbeingnaughtybefore,soI’mjustnotsure—”
Selenacuthimoffwithakiss.Impatiently,sheslidherhandupunderhisshirt,raisingitasshe

ranherfingersfromhisrock-hardabdomenovertheridgesofhischest.Shestoppedkissinghim
longenoughtowhiptheshirtoverhishead,thenproceededtounziphisjeans.

“Oh,no,”hesaid.“You’renottheonlyonewhogetstoplaythatgame.”
Evanliftedhersweateroverherhead,thenunbuttonedandremovedherblouse,revealingher

lacydarkpurplebra.Hereyeshadadjustedenoughthatshecouldjustbarelyseehim.Sheplaceda
handoneachsideofthatbeautifulfaceandadmiredtheangles,thestrengthofhisjaw,thedesirethat
burnedinthoseeyesastheyboredintohers.Shedidn’trememberevertakingthetimetoseehim—to
reallylookathim—whenthey’dmadelovebefore.Atangibleconnectionvibratedbetweenthem.She
feltitinthepitofherstomach,liketheinstantbeforeyouhitaroller-coastervalley,wheneverything
bottomsoutandmakesyoufeelasifyou’respinningoutofcontrol.

Thesensationscaredher,soshebusiedherselfkissinghislips,nibblingherwaytohisear,and

thenslowlyslidinghermouthlower,tohischest.Whenshecircledhisnipplewithhertongue,he
undidherjeans,peelingthemdownherhips.Shehelpedhimgetthemoffheranklesandtossedthem
tothefloor.

Evanrolledhertoherbackandmovedontopofher.Hepeeredintohereyes,hisfaceinches

fromhers,thensmiledashebrushedherhairoffhercheek.“Areyousurethisisokay?Thedoctor
saidso?”

AtthispointSelenadidn’tcarewhatthedoctorhadsaid,soitwasluckythetimingwasallright.

“It’sokay.”

Hekissedhersogentlyandthoroughlythatherheartwentwarmandsoft.She’dneverbeen

kissedlikethat,fulloftendernessandcaring,asifhecherishedherandwasn’tjustinthistosatisfy
hisownneeds.

“Ilovelookingatyou,”hewhispered,againpiercingherwithanintensegaze.“Iloveyoureyes,

sofullofeverythingyoufeelatanygivenmoment.”Hekissedeachlidashereyesflutteredshut,then
movedtohermouth.

“Iloveyourlips,especiallywhenyouthinkaboutkissingmeandtheypartjustenoughforyour

breathtorushoutinasexyexhale.”Heslidhistongueoverherlips,inside,keepinghistouchlight,
teasing.Maddening.

Heshifteddownward,trailinghismouthoverherneckandlower.“You’resexyhere,”hesaidas

hekissedhercollarbone.

“Mycollarbone?Issexy?”Selenalaughed,notsoundinganythinglikeherusualsopranoself.
“Selena,everypartofyouishot.Yourlittletoeturnsmeon.”
Hisroughhandscaressedhersides,thenheunfastenedthefronthookofherbraandpushedit

awaysoherbreastsspilledintohishands.“These,”hesaid,alternatelyrunninghistonguearoundthe
centerpeakofeachnipple,“areperfectineveryway.Ilovewatchingthempuckerwhenyouthink
dirtythoughts.Lovethewaytheytastelikethesweetestaphrodisiac.”Hetookoneinhismouthand

sucked,makingherarchoffthemattress.

“Ilovethewayyourespondtome.”
Forherpart,Selenalovedthewayhisvoicealonecouldseduceherandhistonguecouldmake

herinsanewithaphysicalache.Butevenmore,shelovedhavinghiminsideher.

“Evan?”Hervoicebarelyworked.
“Yeah?”
“Youaremakingmetotally,completelycrazy.Ilovethatyouloveallmybits,butcouldyou

maybe…hurry?”

Hislaughwaslowandthesexiestthingshe’deverheard.“Notachance,darlin’.Iwantyou

climbingontheceilingbeforeIgetdonewithyou.”

Selena’swhimperbecameagaspashereturnedhisattentiontoherbody,continuinghisslow

descentandtellinghereverysinglethinghelikedabouteverysingleinchofher.Whenhefinallyslid
herpantiesoffandcircledhistongueoverthepartofherthatthrobbedforhisattention,herevery
lastnerveendingbuzzed.Ittookonlymomentsforherbodytoshatteraroundhim,andyetshelifted
herhipsoffthebed,begginghimtogivehermoreuntilshecouldn’ttakeanothersecond.

Shecollapsed,andhelaytoherside,pullingherintohimasshetriedtocatchherbreath.“I

don’tthinkIcanmove,”shewhispered,unabletohideabigsmile.“You’retryingtokillme.”

Hisgravellyvoicerumbledinhisthroat.“Notevenclose.I’mnotnearlydonewithyou.”
“Isthatapromiseorathreat?”
“Yes.”Hekissedhergentlyagainandshefelthishardnesspressingintoherthigh.Twominutes

agoshe’dhonestlybelievedshewasspentandwouldn’tbeabletomoveagainforhours,butjustthe
touchofhimhadherbodyresponding,tightening…needinghimagain.

Shemadeshortworkofgettinghispantsoffhimandbaringthatamazingbody.Evandidn’t

wasteanytimemovingontopofher,kissinghertodistractionandpressinghishardbodyintothe
softnessbetweenherthighs.

“Somuchforthatslow,patientseductionthing,huh?”sheteased.
Hisonlyresponsewastoenterher.Excellentcomeback,shethought,beforelosinghermind….

L

ATER

,astheylaywiththeirbodiesstillconnected,heartspounding,EvanburiedhisfaceinSelena’s

hair,splayedacrossthepillow.Herscentwasintoxicating.Hell,whowashekidding?Shewas
intoxicating.Everythingabouther.Herbody,herscent,herwords,thesoundsshemadeattheheight
ofpassion.

Hethoughtabouttheconversationhe’dhadwithhermotherhoursagoandknewhehadn’tbeen

completelyhonest,withhimselforwithMrs.C-J.

Reluctantly,herolledtohissideandbroughtherwithhim,wrappinghisarmaroundhermiddle.

Shesettledinwithherheadagainsthisshoulder.Evanbrushedhislipsacrossherforeheadand
smoothedherhairback.

“Iloveyou,”hesaid.Hisvoicesoundedasifit’dbeenthrougharocktumbler.Thewordswere

outwithoutanythought,asnaturallyasifhe’dsaiditbefore.Toanyone.Whichhehadn’t.He’dnever
feltlikethisbefore,soconsumedbyanotherperson,hyperawareofhereverymovewhentheywere
together.Absorbedbythoughtsofherwhentheyweren’t.Atfirsthe’dthoughtitwasbecause,atleast
partly,shewascarryinghischild.Butnowheknew,evenifshelostthebabytomorrow,hewantedto
bewithher.

Selenadidn’tstir.Hehadtolistenhardtohearherbreathing.Maybeshewasn’treadytohearthe

truth.Hersilencetoldhimshedidn’treturnthesentiment—yet.

Shewould.Soon.Hehadeveryconfidenceinthat.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

S

ELENAWALKED

fromEvan’strucktothehousealone,afteraskinghimnottogetoutandtakeherto

thedoor.She’dusedtheexcusesthatitwascoldandwindyandheneededtogethomesohecouldrest
beforegoingtowork.Buttheybothknewtherealreason.

He’dsaidhelovedher.
Hecouldn’tloveher.Shecouldn’taffordtolovehimback.
Assheputthekeyintothelock,thefrontdoorsuddenlyopened,startlingthebreathoutofher.
“Mom,”shesaid.“Whatareyoudoingupat—”shecheckedherwatch“—five-fifteeninthe

morning?”

Hermomwenttowardthelivingroom,wherethelampandtelevisionwerebothon.“Ipassed

outassoonasIgothome.Sleptfromseven-thirtylastnightuntilfourandcouldn’tgobacktosleep.
ThenIrealizedyouweren’thomeyet.”

“I’mhomenow.Nothingtoworryabout,”Selenasaidirritably.
“Consideringyouwereoutallnightwithamanwhoseemstocarealotaboutyou,I’dexpect

youtobemorechipper.”

“Yeah,well,theunexpectedsucks.”Selenamadeabeelineforherbedroom.
Unfortunately,closingthedoordidn’tkeepherpeskymotherout.
“Weneedtotalk,”hermomsaidafterfollowingherin.“No,wereallydon’t.”Selenawantedto

sleepandignoreeverythingthatwasswimmingaroundinherhead.Shecrawledinunderher
blankets,fullydressed,sittingagainsttheheadboard.

“Whatisyourproblem,Selena?Evanseemslikeagoodman.Handsome,smart,brave.Willing

totakecareofyouandyourbaby.Andyet,you’repullingyourusualstunt.”

“Oh,Iam?”Selenadidn’tevenfakeinterest,keepinghervoicemonotone.
“Lookslikeittome.You’rerunningaway.”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere.Yet.”She’ddefinitelyconsideredit,though.Themoretimesheand

Evanspenttogether,themoreshethoughtitwouldbesafertogetawaynow.Beforeshecaredtoo
much.Beforehisjobcaughtupwithhim.

Hermom,wearingmauvesilkpajamas,creptontotheothersideofherbedandstretchedouton

topofthecovers.“IfIthoughtyoudidn’tcareabouthim,I’dbackoff.ButIthinkyoudo.AmI
right?”

Selenaclosedhereyesandwonderedwhenhermomhadstartedgivinghalfacrapaboutwhat

shedidorwhoshecaredfor.“Idon’tsupposeyou’djustletmegotosleep,wouldyou?”

“Selena!You’regoingtobeamotherinafewmonths.Youneedtofigureouthowyou’regoing

tohandlethat.”

“I’mgoingtohavethebaby,Mom.Goingtodowhateveryoneelsedoes…trytofigureouthow

toraiseachild.”

“Youcouldhavehelp.”
“Evan?”Selenaturnedtolookathermomasifshe’dgrownahornonthetopofherhead.“I

shouldmarryhimsoIcanhavehelpwiththebaby?”

“YoushouldmarryhimbecauseyoutwomakeagoodcoupleandIthinkyou’rebothhalfin

lovealready.”

“Itdoesn’tmatterhowIfeelabouthim,Mom.MaybeIdolovehim.Idon’tknow.Butitdoesn’t

makeadifference.”

“Whynot?”
“Doyouunderstandwhathedoesforaliving?”
“OfcourseIdo.YouknowverywellImarriedamanwithablue-collarjob.Onethatcouldkill

him.”

“Andlookwherethatgotyou.”Selenasqueezedhereyesshut,willingherselfnottothinkabout

herdad’sdeath,nottocry.Notnow.

“Itgotmetwoamazingchildren.Itgotmeyearsofhappinessandagoodmarriagewitha

wonderfulman.”

“Itgotyouyearsoflonelinessandgrief.”
Notably,shedidn’targuewiththat.“Soyouthinkthat,becauseEvanisafirefighter,he’lldieon

thejob.”

“It’sadistinctpossibility,”Selenasaid,leaningforward.“Hegoesintoburningbuildings,Mom.

Somuchcouldgowrong.”

Hermomsurprisedherbynoddingempathetically.“Lotsofwhat-ifstoconsider.”
“Yes,exactly.Andtoputachildinthatsituation,whereheorshecouldloseafather…HowcanI

knowinglydothat?”

“YoumeanlikeIdid,”hermothersaidquietly.“Isthatsomethingyou’veheldagainstmeall

theseyears?”

Selenathoughtaboutitforameant.“No,actually.Ihaven’t.TheonlythingI’veheldagainstyou

isthewayyoustoppedbeingpartofourfamilyassoonashedied.”

“Wewereallaffectedsomuchbyyourdad’sdeath,”hermomsaid,sorrowedginghervoice.

“You,inparticular.Youtwoweresoclose.Youalwayswereadaddy’sgirl.”

“Itwasdevastating,”Selenasaidmatter-of-factly.“Butjustasbadwaswhathappenedtoyou,to

us,afterward.WhatifI’mthesameway,Mom?WhatifImarriedEvan,somethinghappenedtohim,
andthenIshutdown,too?”

Shedaredaglanceathermotherinthelightofdawnandsawherswallowhard,sawher

emotion,herpain.Insteadoftheusualunemotionalmask,theexpressionremainedthere,drawingher
featuresdownward.TuggingatSelenaagainstherwill.

“Youwon’t,Selena.”Hervoicewaslower,quiet,yetfirmwithconviction.
“Howcanyouknowthat?”Selenaasked.
Hermomsatupinthebed,pullingathrowpillowtoherandhuggingit.“WhatI’mabouttosay

I’venevertoldanyonebesidesmytherapist.It’ssomethingIdon’tliketothinkaboutandcertainly
don’tliketosayoutloud.”

Selena’sinternalalarmwentoff.Sheandhermomdidn’thaveserioustalks.
“Beingmarriedtoyourfather,Ilivedinfearfromthetimehegraduatedfromtheacademy.At

firstIdidn’ttalkaboutitmuch.Figureditwasmyproblem.Didn’tneedtoburdenhimwithmyfears.
Thenastimewenton,Istartedtobealittlemoreopen.”

“I’msureheknewyouwerescaredforhimanyway,”Selenasaid.
“Maybe.ButIthinktheyhavetoapproachtheirjobsverydifferently.Theydon’tfearthem.They

can’t.Theybelievetheycanhandlejustaboutanythingthat’sthrownatthem.Iftheywentoutinthe
fieldscaredofwhatmighthappen,they’dmessupandmaybedie.”

Selenaconsideredwhatshesaid,turneditoverinhermindandfinallynodded.“Maybe.”
“Justbeforeyourdad’slastassignment,myfearskyrocketed.Oneofhiscolleagueshadaclose

call.Inolongerrememberthedetails.Ijustknowitscaredthedaylightsoutofme.”

Selenathoughtaboutthefirefightersonthemural.Theyweren’tevencolleaguesofEvan’s,but

thinkingaboutthemenwhohaddiedhadheightenedherfearforEvan.

“Thedaybeforeheleft,Iwentalittlecrazy.Iwassoafraidforhim.”

“Didyouhaveapremonitionorsomething?”
Hermothershookherhead.“Nothingasconcreteasthat.Justcold,starkfear.It’dgottenbad

enoughthatIwaspanicky.AndIexpressedmyfearstoyourfather.”

Hermom’svoicecrackedandtearsfilledhereyes.
“HetriedtocomfortmeandIwouldn’thaveanyofit.Ikeptgoing,buildingonmyfears,

makingthemworse.Istartedlistingallthewaysthingsthatcouldgowrong.Mindyou,Ididn’tknow
whatkindofassignmenthewasgoingon,butthatdidn’tmatter.Myimaginationwasoutofcontrol.”

“Icanunderstandthat,”Selenasaidhonestly.
“Thenextdayhedied.”
AlumpthesizeofTexaslodgedinSelena’sthroatandshecouldn’tsayaword.
“AndI’vewondered…”Hermomhesitated,suckinginashakybreath.“I’vethoughtmaybeit

wasbecauseIopenedhismindtodoubt.Iwentthroughsceneaftersceneofwayssomeonecouldhurt
him.Whatifthatwasenoughtoputtheslightestfear,doubt,intohim?WhatifIwaspartlytoblame
forhisstateofmindandthat’swhatgothimkilled?”

TearsfellfreelydownSelena’scheeksandshereachedouttoholdhermother ’shand.“Itwasn’t

yourfault,Mom.”

“TothisdayIdon’tknow.GodknowsI’vespentenoughoncounselingtosortthroughitbut

howcanIeverbelieveIwasblameless?Andtheguilt—”Hermom’svoicecrackedagain.“I’mso
sorry,Selena.Whenhedied,Icouldhardlyfaceyouandyourbrother.Ifeltsoresponsible.Like
everyounceofyourpainwasmyfault.Ishutdown.Ittookmeyearstorealizemymistake,to
understandwhatithaddonetoourfamily,butbythattime,Ididn’tknowhowtogetyouback.Howto
repairthedamage.”

Forseveralseconds,maybeminutes,Selenacouldn’tsayanything.Hermother ’spainwasso

evident,somethingshehadn’tseenorunderstoodforalltheseyears.Sure,sheknewherdad’sdeath
hadcuthermomtothequick,justliketherestofthem,but…

Shecouldn’timaginelivingwiththeguilt,justifiedornot.
Selenasqueezedhermother ’shand.“Youweren’tresponsibleforhisdeath,Mom.They’re

trainedtohandlethejob,regardlessofhowscaredtheirfamilymaybe.”

Hermomsniffedindelicately.“Maybe.Butthatdoesn’tmakemefeelanybetter.Ithasn’t,allthe

hundredsoftimesI’vetoldmyselfthatovertheyears.”

“Forgivemeforbeingdense,butthisissupposedtoconvincemetomarryafirefighter…how?”

Thewordscameoutaccompaniedbyalaughthatsoundedmorelikeasob.“Haveyoulostyour
mind?”

“Ilostmymindyearsago,honey.”Theybothsmiledatthat.“No.Mypoint,somewhereinthat

twistedstory,isthatyoucan’tletyourfearruleyou.Can’tletitgetoutofcontrol.It’snormaltofeel
scaredwhensomeoneyouloveisinadangeroussituation,butyouabsolutelycannotletthewhat-ifs
runyourlife.Respectthefearbutneverletitcontrolyou.”

Selenastaredatherforseveralseconds.“Andhowdoyoudothat?”
“Iimagineasupportnetworkwouldhelp.TherewasagroupofFBIwiveswhogottogether

frequentlyandI’msureabigpartofitwastoconnectwithotherswhowentthroughthesame
emotions.”

“Idon’trememberyougoingtothat.”
“Ineverdid.Stupidly,theyweren’tinmysocialcirclesoIdidn’tthinktherewasanypoint.”
Ifthatwasn’tvintageClara…
“Iregretthat.Maybeitwouldn’thavechangedwhathappenedtoyourfather,butthenIwould’ve

hadasupportsystemtohelpmethroughit.Tohelpmehelpyouthroughit.”Shereachedoutand
ruffledSelena’swindblown,bed-messedhair.“That’ssomethingItrulyregret.”

Selenadidn’tknowwhattosaytothat.They’dhadtheirdifferencesforaslongasshecould

rememberandsuddenlyshewasseeinghermominadifferentlight.Onewithshadowsandnuances
she’dneverimagined.“Iwishyouwould’vetalkedtomesooner.Nomatterhowharditwould’ve
been.Younevergavemethechancetounderstand.”

Hermomdidsomethingthenthatshookhertothecore—shebrokedownintonoisy,indelicate

sobs,coveringherfacewithherhandsbutunabletodrownoutthesoundsofsorrowandregret.

“I’msosorry,”hermomsaidwhenshecouldfinallymanagetospeak.
“Shh.Youweredoingthebestyoucouldinreallyhorriblecircumstances.”Selenafoundshe

meantthewords.Yearsofangermeltedawayasshegraspedwhathermotherhadbeentryingto
handlebyherself.

Hermomnoddedastheywrappedtheirarmsaroundeachother.Theystayedlikethatforseveral

minutes,neitherofthemspeaking.Hermom’scryinggraduallyslowed.

“So.AboutEvan…that’sallyou’vegotforme?Supportgroups?”Selenawishedforamagic

answer.Awaytomakeitpossibleforhertofindhappiness.

“I’vegotalittlehindsight,aswell,”Clarasaid,straighteningandsmilingsadly.“Ithelpsto

understandthatthisiswhothesemenare.Theircareersareasmuchapartofthemastheirhaircolor
andtheirfundamentalbeliefs.”

“Probablytrue.”
“Byfocusingonthefear,Ithinkwelosesightofthat.Becomelesssupportiveofthem.Maybe

evenbecomeinclinedtotrytochangethemorconvincethemtodosomethingelse.”

“You’retalkingaboutTomnow,right?”Selenasaid,missingherbrothersomuchatthemention

ofhimthatherchestached.“Ican’tcountthenumberoftimesI’vetriedtotalkhimintodoing
somethingbesidesthemilitary.”

Hermomnodded.“Ifhedid,itwouldendupbeingsomethingjustasdangerous,Iimagine.

Police.Firedepartment.FBI.Youknowyourbrother.”

Selenahadneverbeenabletothinkthatmuchaboutit,butnowthatshedid,sherealizedher

motherwasright.“Sothat’swhyyounevershowyourfearabouthismilitarycareer.”

“Oh,Ifearforhislifeeverysingleday.Nomotherwantshersontogoofftowar.”
“Icouldn’tunderstandwhyyouwantedtothrowapartyforhim.”
“Goingbackintoactionwasimportanttohim.Itwaseitherthrowapartyorgoalittlemore

insanefromthefear.”

Selenanoddedslowly.“Whycouldn’tyoutellmethisatthetime?”
“Youweren’texactlylisteningtome,ifyou’llrecall.”
“Maybe.”Selenacrossedherarmsstubbornly.“Itdoesn’tmakemefeelanybetteraboutTom

beingoverthere.Haveyouheardfromhimlately?”

“Hecalledalotatfirst.Lessfrequentlynow.I’msurehe’sinthemiddleofsomething.”
Something.That’swhatSelenahated.Thesomethingcouldlikelygethimkilled.
“I’mgladwetalked,”shesaid.“IthinkIunderstandwhatyou’retryingtotellmebut…”She

shookherhead.“Idon’tknow.Itterrifiesme.”

“You’vegottime.Thebabyisn’tdueforseveralmonths.Itwon’tbeeasybutyou’reastrong

woman,Selena.”

Hermomhadneverpaidhersuchacomplimentandshehadtoadmitshereveledinit.“Thanks,

Mom.Idon’tfeelstrong.”

“Ihatetoseeyouletlovepassyouby,honey.Pleasetellmeyou’lltry.”
Selenathoughtaboutthemanshedid,infact,love,abouthowmuchshewishedtheirfuture

wouldworkout.Shenodded.“Iwill.I’lltry.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

T

HETENSION

inthecabofthetruckwasthick.Selfishly,Evanhopeditwasjusttheusualuneasiness

betweenSelenaandhermother,andnotsomethingcausedbywhathe’dsaidtheothernightonthe
boat.Hewasn’toptimistic,however.

HetooktheexittotheHarlingenairportandglancedintherearviewmirroratSelena,whorode

inthecrampedbackseatagain.Shedidn’tevennoticehim.Insteadshestaredoutthewindowwitha
seriouslook,asifshewastryingtoworkouthowtobringaboutworldpeace.

Eventhoughshewasinsuchaseriousstate,lookingatherdidthingstohim.Hergorgeousdark

hairfellinwavestohershoulderstoday.Sheworeminimalmakeupandherlipsshonewithaclear
glossthatsmelledofstrawberriesandvanilla.Helongedtoseethoselipsturnupinasmile.

“We’realmostthere,then?”Mrs.C-Jasked,checkingherwatchforthetwentiethtimeduringthe

hourtrip.

“Fivemoreminutes.We’llgetyouthereontime,”Evanpromised.“Betterthanyouraverage

limoservice.Onlydifferenceisthesizeofthebackseat.”

HermotherlaughedbutSelenadidn’t.
Evanparkedintheshort-termlotandheandSelenagotouttoaccompanyhermotherinside—

andtohelpcarrytheluggage.

“Yourealize,”Evansaidashestackedallthepiecesontoacartinsidethedoor,“thatbythetime

youpayalltheextrabaggagefeesonthese,itmightbecheapertobuyyourownjet?”

Hesmiledwhenhesaidit,stillnotsurewhetherMrs.C-Jhadasenseofhumor.Shelooked

thoughtfulandtooseriousandhewonderedifhe’djustblownallthegoodwillthey’destablishedon
theboat.

“Youknow,youmayberight,”shesaid.“Alltheseyears,I’vebeenlookingforanexcusetobuy

aprivatejetbutmymoneymanagerkeepstellingmeno.Thismayjustbeit.Excellentidea,Evan.”

Thetwoofthemlaughed.Selenaforcedasmile,shookherheadandrolledhereyes.“Don’t

encourageherspendyside.”

Theycheckedhersuitcasesandwalkedtowardsecurity.Evandidadoubletakewhenhenoticed

Selena’sarminterlockedwithhermother ’s.Hewasgladtoseeit.Sheneededhermothermorethan
everrightnowandinthenot-so-distantfuture,asshebecameamomherself.

Atthegate,thetwowomenembracedandheldontoeachother.Heleanedagainstthewalland

gavethemallthetimetheyneeded.

“Don’tforgetwhatwetalkedabout,”Mrs.C-JsaidtoSelena.
“Iwon’t.”Selenalaughedtentatively.“Stufflikethatisn’tsomethingyoujustforgetabout.”They

pulledapartenoughtomakeeyecontact.“Thanksforallthat,Mom.Iunderstandbetterwhereyou’re
comingfrom.I’lltrytocomehomeforaweekendsometimesoon—ifyoubuytheticket.”

Bothwomenlaughed.“I’llbehappyto.”Theyhuggedagainandhermotherkissedhercheek.

“Keepthosewhat-ifsatbay,youhearme?”

“I’lltry.Idon’tknow.”
“Ifyoueverneedtotalk,youcallme.”
SelenalookedintohereyesandEvancouldtellthiswasabigmoment,suspectingsuchanoffer

hadneverbeenmadebefore.Shefinallynoddedslowly.

“Loveyou,Mom.”
“Iloveyou,honey.”

Theyparted,andEvantriednottoshowsurprisewhenMrs.C-Jturnedtohim,arms

outstretched.Hehuggedher,herexpensiveperfumefillinghisnose.“Takecareofmygirl,will
you?”shesaidsoSelenacouldn’thear.

“Withpleasure,ma’am.”
“What’sthis‘ma’am’nonsense?”shesaid,actingscandalized.
Theybothchuckled.
“Itriedtotalksomesenseintoher,”shesaid.“She’sstubborn,butIhopeshe’llcomearound

soon.Itwouldpleasemenoendifthetwoofyoucouldmakeitwork.”

EvanglancedatSelena,whowatchedthemfromafewfeetaway.“Me,too.Haveasafeflight,

Mrs.C-J.”

HemovedclosertoSelenaastheywatchedhermomgothroughsecurity.Whenshe’dmadeit

throughandputherhigh-dollarthree-inchheelsbackon,shewaved,pickeduphercarry-onand
hurriedtohergate.Selenaleanedherheadonhisshoulderandtheycontinuedtowatchuntiltheolder
womanwasoutofsight.

Hetookherhandandtheywalkedbackthewaythey’dcome.“Goodvisit?”heasked.
Selenadidn’tanswerrightaway.“Ithinkso.Wetalkedmorethanweeverhave.Resolvedsome

things.Shecalledthebankonthespotyesterdayandgavemebackaccesstothefamilyaccount.”

Evanslowed,notreallysurprisedbutcurious.“Sowhatareyougoingtodo?”
“About?”
“Money.Jobs.Areyougoingtoquit?”
“Ihaveanagreementwiththecity.Don’tworry—I’mnotgoingtoflake.”
Thathadcrossedhismind,butitwasn’thismainconcern.“Whatabouttheotherstuff?”
“SJEnterprises?”
Henodded,forsomereasoncaringtoomuchaboutherresponse.
“Icouldquit.”
“I’msureyourmomwillprovideyouwithmorethanenoughmoneytoliveon.”
“Shewill.Theamountshesaidshe’dtransfertomyjointaccounteachmonthwouldcover

livingexpenseseasily.”

EvanthoughthardaboutwhatlifewouldbelikeifheandSelenamarriedandshecontinuedto

getacheckfromhomeeachmonth.Couldhelivewiththat?Wouldhebeokaywithawifewhodidn’t
believeinworkingforwhatshehad?

Heglanceddownatherdarkhairandawarmthcameoverhimthathecouldn’texplain.Notthe

heatoflust,thoughthatwasalwaysthere,simmeringunderthesurface.JustlookingatSelena
broughthimafeelingofwholenesshe’dneverknownexisted.Shemadehimlaugh,madehimwant
topullhishairout,madehimwanttobethebestpersonhecouldbe.Madehimwanttobeafather,
even.Together,hebelievedtheycouldraiseahappyfamily,whetherSelenahadapayingjobornot.

Shedidn’taskforhisapproval,though,andgivingitmightseemtoomuchlikepressureforher

tomarryhim.He’dpromisedhimselftoeaseupandgivehertime,becausenothingcouldconvince
hertosayyesrightnow.Shehadtogrowtolovehimandtrusthimtodoeverythinginhispowerto
comehomealiveattheendofeveryshift.

“I’mnotgoingto,”Selenasaid.
“Notgoingtowhat?”
“Quit.IlovewhatI’mdoing.LoveknowingthatIcanearnmyownkeep.Oncethemuralsare

done,I’llspendlesstimeworking.Ishouldbeabletohandlemybusinessandtakecareofthebaby,
too.”

Ifitwaspossible,helovedherevenmoreatthatmoment.
“There’snodoubtinmymindyou’llhandleboth.”Hopefullyashiswife.

“I’llsetupaspecialcollegeaccountforthebabyandputthemoneyfrommymominit.IfIever

haveanemergency,IcandipintomyCambridge-Jarboefunds.ButthewayMaceyandIworkedit
out,Icanmakeenoughtoliveonwithinacouplemoremonths.”

“Listentoyou,”Evansaid,admiringthisnewconfidentprofessionalside.“What?”
“Ms.BusinessChick.Rakinginaliving.”
Selenanodded.“Adoseofharshrealitycandothat.”
Theyarrivedattheexitandwentoutsidetocrossthebusytaxianddrop-offlanes.
“Sowhatwereyouandyourmomtalkingaboutwhenyousaidgoodbye?Somethingabout

what-ifs?”

Heunlockedthedoorofthetruckandtheybothclimbedin.
“SomehowyouwowedherandIthinkshewantsyouforason-in-law.”
Hedidn’tdarehope.“And?”
“Shemadesuggestionsforhowtodealwithalovedone’sdangerouscareer.”
Heturnedandleanedagainstthedriver ’sdoor,staringather.“Lovedone?”
Shesmiledreluctantly.“Yeah.Don’tgetabighead,though.Icouldbetalkingaboutmybrother.”
Couldbewasbetterthanam,hesupposed.
“Whatkindofsuggestionsdidshemake?”
“Mostlyvagueones,”shesaid,hersmilefading.
“Sodotheywork?”
Shestaredstraightahead,bitingherlowerlip.“Idon’tknowyet.ButI’mtrying.”
Thatwasthebestdamnnewshe’dhadallday.Henodded,workinglikethedeviltoappear

nonchalant.

“Whatdoyousaywespendthedaytogetherwhileyoukeeptrying?”
“Doesyourofferincludefood?”
“Asmuchasyouwant.”
“Icecream?”
“Butterpecan,alltheway.”
“You’vegotyourselfadeal,then.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

S

ELENAHAD

spenttwodayswithEvanafterseeinghermotheroff.She’dmanagedtoputallthefears

andthewhat-ifsoutofhermindforthemostpart.Shedidn’tknowifitwastalkingtohermomthat
enableditorifshewasjustindenial.Evanhadbeenoffwork,soitwaseasytopretendtheyexistedin
theirownlittledanger-freeworld.

Thismorninghe’dleftherbedtomakeittothestationbyseven.She’dspentthemorning

painting,tryingtocatchupfromhavingtakentwofulldaysoff.Aftershowering,shewaswarming
upafrozendinnerinthemicrowave.

Hercellphone,pluggedintochargeonthekitchencounter,rangoutwithabluesyriffthatmade

herheartskipabeat.Shehadn’theardthetoneforweeksbutherbodyreactedwithadrenaline
anyway.“Tom?”

“Yeah,Leenie,”herbrothersaid.“It’sme.”
“OhmyGod,what’swrong?Areyouokay?You’retalking,soyou’renotdead.”
“I’mokay.I’vebeentryingtocallyouforhours.”
Herbatteryhadbeendead,andthenthephonehadbeentwostoriesbelowher.“Youmuststill

lovemeifyou’respendingallthattimetryingtogetthrough,”shesaidlightly,overthemoontohear
hisvoiceagainaftersolong.Evenifshe’dbeentheonetocuthimoff.

Hishesitationregisteredthenandforebodingnearlychokedher.“Tom?What’swrong?”
Inthetwosecondsittookhimtospeak,shethoughtshewouldpassout.
“It’sMom.Shehadananeurysmlastnight,Leenie.”
Shefellontothesofa,jawgaping,staringoutatthewavesbuttakingnonoticeofthem.
“Shedied,honey.”
“No.”Sheshookherhead.“Shewasjustherewithme,Tom.Shewasfine.Perfectlyhealthy.No

way.”Herheadstillshookfromsidetoside,asifshecouldchangethetruthifshedeniedithard
enough.

“Lolafoundherwhenshedidn’tshowupforbreakfast,butitwastoolate.She’dapparently

passedhoursbefore.”

“Oh,God.PoorLola.”Lolawasthecookwho’dbeenwiththemforseveralyearsandlivedin

theguesthouseinthebackyard.

“Selena,areyouokay?”Tomaskedoverastatic-filledconnection.
Wassheokay?Herchesttighteneduntilshefeltasthoughaboaconstrictorhadaholdofher

andwassecondsfromsqueezingthelifeoutofher.Tearsprickedathereyeslikeathousandtiny
pins.

“Momis…gone?”shesaid,hervoicewavering.“Wejust…juststartedgettingalongbetter.We

talked,Tom.Forthefirsttime…”

“Iknow,Leenie.Look,wehavetoplanthefuneral.I’vebeenonthephonewithafuneralhomea

coupleoftimesbutthere’sonlysomuchIcandofromhere.”

“Where’shere?”
“Ican’ttellyou,exactly.Butit’sremoteandhoursandhoursawayfromhomebyplane.”
“Whenwillyougethome?”
“Bythefuneral,Ihope.IsetitforWednesday.Thatgivesmefourdays.Youneedtogetaticket

homerightaway.DoyouthinkyoucanhandlethingsuntilIgetthere?”

Shewasn’tahelplessspoiledgirlanymore.Selenastraightenedandnodded.“I’llflyouttoday.”

“That’smygirl.”Hehadherjotdownthenameandnumberofthefuneralhome.“I’llseeyou

soon,Leenie.”

“Bye,”shemanaged,disconnectingthecallbeforedroppingherheadintoherhands.
Unabletofacehersadness,shepickedthephoneupagain,sawthatithadchargedmorethan

halfway,anddialedEvan’scellphone.Itwentstraighttovoicemail.Strugglingtokeephervoice
steady,sheleftasemi-coherentmessage,tellinghimabouthermotherandthatsheneededtotalkto
himassoonaspossible.Thenshegrabbedherpurseandwentoutthedoor,awayfromthesuddenly
stiflingbeachhouse.MaceyworkedattheShellShacktoday.She’dmakeherflightreservationsfrom
there,aftershecalmeddown.

“I’

LLCLOSE

thebarandcomewithyou,”MaceysaidwhenSelenahadfinishedblubberingalloverher

shoulder.“I’llgetthephonebookandwecanreservetheflight.”

Selenashookherhead.“It’sokay.I’mgoingtobeokay.”Shesniffedloudly,notcaringthatthe

handfuloflunchcustomershadwitnessedherbreakdown.Someofthemhadmovedtothepatio,
eithertogiveherandMaceyprivacyortogetawayfromthesceneshemade.“There’snoneedfor
youtogo.Butthankyousomuchforoffering.”Shetriedtosmile,hervisionstillblurry.

“Imeanit,Selena.Icango.”
“Mybrotherwillbethere.”
Maceystudiedherfromthestoolnexttohers.“Allright.Butifyouchangeyourmind…”
“TurntheTVon,”amiddle-agedguysaidasherushedinside.“There’sabigfireonthe

mainland.Lookslikeanewshelicopteriscoveringtheaction.”

Maceyhoppedoffthestool,andSelenatriedtorecoverfromtheterrorshe’dfeltattheword

fire.Ifitwasonthemainland,though,Evanwouldn’tbeinvolved.

“ChannelSix,”theguysaid,asallofthemstaredattheTVlodgedatananglefromtheceiling

behindthebar.

Whenthepicturefinallyappeared,theycouldseeabuildingengulfedbyflamesononeside,

withsomuchsmokeitwasimpossibletotellmuchaboutwhereitwas.

“It’saschool,”Maceysaid.“I’veseenthatplace.”
Theothercustomersinsidejoinedthematthemaincounterfromtheirpreviousspotsaroundthe

outerperimeteroftheshack.

“Lordhavemercy,”anolderwomansaid.
“Anyoneknowwhathappened?”amannexttoherasked.
Maceyshookherheadandturnedthevolumeup.
“…four-alarmfirehere,folks.Departmentshavebeencalledinfromsurroundingareastohelp.

Theseguyshavealongdayaheadofthemtryingtogetthisfireundercontrol….”

Selenatunedouttherest,stuckon“surroundingareas.”ShemetMacey’seyesoverthecounter

andcouldseeherfear.Theywerethinkingthesamething.Derekwasworking,too.

Thecamerapannedtowhatlookedlikeacityparkdowntheblockfromtheburningbuilding.

Scadsofelementarychildrenwerethere,alongwithshell-shockedparentsandteachers.

“How’dyouhearaboutit?”anothercustomeraskedthemanwho’ddeliveredthenews.
“Sawit.Youcanseethesmokefromhere,andthehelicopter.”
Asthecamerapannedbacktothefire,itpassedslowlyoverthefiretrucks,includingabigred

rigwithSanAmaroIslandFireDepartmentontheside.

“Oh,God.”Selenaswalloweddownthebilethatthreatenedtochokeher.Thelightsseemedto

dimandallsoundaroundherdisappeared,asifshe’dslippedintoabigbubble.Hermouthwas

completelydry.Herheadspunanditsuddenlytookallherefforttoremainuprightonthestool.

Maceyputherarmaroundherandpulledhertightlytohersideastheyweretransfixedbythe

nightmareonthetelevisionscreen.

“Whatdowedo?”Selenacroakedout.“Shouldwegothere?”
Maceyshookherhead.“We’llgetmoreinformationhere.Trustme,it’schaosthereandwe

don’twanttodistractanyone.”

“Wecan’tjustsithereandwatch.”Withoutthinking,Selenaputherhandoverherabdomen.
“They’llbeokay,”Maceysaid.Herfacewassoashen,though,Selenaknewshewastryingto

convinceherselfasmuchasSelena.

Theyclungtoeachotherforthenexthour.Selenacouldn’tdraghereyesfromtheTV.
“Macey.”Kevin,oneoftheshiftmanagersforthebar,hurriedinandcrossedtoher.“Icame

whenIsawthefireonTV.IsDerekonduty?”

Shenodded.“Thankyou.Icouldusethehelp.”
Thenumberofcustomershaddoubled,mostofthemtheretogetanupdateonthenews.
“Sitdown,”Kevinsaid.“Takeabreak.”
“Didyouevereatlunch?”MaceyaskedSelenaassheslidavacantstoolcloser.
Selenatriedtoremember.Thenithitherthathermotherhaddied.God.She’dalmostforgotten

intheterrorofthefire.“No.”Shefeltshaky,asifshecouldcollapseatanysecond.Sheheldherhand
outinfrontofherandsawittrembling.

Maceysprangintoaction,butSelenapaidnoattention.Hervisionblurred,andthistimeitwasn’t

fromtears.Therewerenotearsleftinsideher—onlycold,blackfear.

“Comeon,”Maceysaid,gentlytakingherbythearm.“Weneedtogetoutofhere.”
“Ineedtowatch,”Selenasaid,everythingswimminginhervision.
“No.Trustme,sweetie.Weneedsomeair.I’vegotyou.”
Maceypulledheroffthestoolandfirmlypropelledhertothedoorwayonthebeachside.Selena

didn’tevenhaveachancetolookbackandchecktheTVagain.

“Whatifsomethinghappenswhilewe’reouthere?”SelenaaskedasMaceypulledhercloserto

thewater.

“Thenithappens.Youlookedabouttopassoutinthere.Drinkthis.”Sheshovedalargeplastic

cupatSelena.

“Idon’twantanything.”
“It’swater.Yourbodyneedsit.Forthebabyifnotforyourself.”
Thebabywhocouldbefatherless.Selenaleanedoverandthrewupintoapatchofseagrass.
“Oh,sweetie,comehere.”MaceyledSelenaafewstepsawayandtheysatonthechillysand.
Selenanolongerhadthestrengthorthewilltostayuprightsoshelaybackonthebeach.“How

doyoudothis?”sheaskedMaceyhoarsely.

“Itellmyselfeverythingwillbeokay.Overandoveragain.”
“Doyoueverbelieveit?”
Maceywasquietforafewseconds.“Yes.IthinkIdo.IknowDerekisgoodatwhathedoes.

Evanis,too.”

“Accidentscanhappentogoodfirefighters.”
“Sure.Butyouhavetobelievethey’lldoeverythingtheycantohandlethem.”
Selenadidn’trespond.Shebentherkneestowardtheskyandclosedhereyes,herhands

burrowingthroughthesand.Herchestachedandherneckandthebaseofherskullfeltasthough
someonehadrepeatedlytakenanaxtothem.

MaceylookeddownatherandrubbedherhandoverSelena’ssandyone.“Trytakingtwenty

deepbreaths.Ithelpswiththepanic.”

Selenawasoninhalenumberfourwhentheyheardagiganticboominthedistance.Itwaslikea

cannonbuttwentytimeslouder.SheshotuprightandMaceywhippedaround,tryingtofigureout
whathadhappened.

Maceyswore,somethingSelenahadneverheardherdo,asshehurriedtoherfeetandheldouta

handforSelena.

“What?Whatwasthat?”
“Maybeanexplosion.Comeon.”
“Oh,God.”Whereshefoundtheenergytorunbacktothebar,shedidn’tknow,buttheygot

thereintimetohearthenewsannouncerontheTVsaythatanexplosionhadrockedtheschool
building.

“Thelastweknew,therewererescuepersonnelinsidethebuildingstillattemptingtogetpeople

out.We’llkeepyoupostedaswegetanswers.Alotofquestionsandunknownshere,folks.”

KevincameuptothemandputhishandsonSelena’sandMacey’s.“Yougirlsholdingup?”
Selenacouldn’tansweraloudbutno,shewasn’tholdingupatall,thankyouverymuch.If

somethinghappenedtoEvan…

“Couldyougethersomethingtodrink?”Maceyasked.“Nonalcoholic,please.She’spregnant.”
IfKevinwassurprised,hedidn’tshowit.HefilledacupwithSprite,stuckalidonitandslidit

infrontofSelena.

“Drink,”Maceysaid.
“Wehaveconfirmationthattworescuepersonnelarebeingtakentotheemergencyroomwith

injuries,”themanontheTVsaid.“Wedon’thavewordontheextentoftheinjuriesyet.Staytuned.”

“Let’sgo,”Maceysaid,grabbingtheSpritewithonehandandSelenawiththeother.“Kevin,

couldyouhandmemypurse?It’sinthedrawerinback.”

Theymadetheirwaytothedoorclosesttotheparkinglot.Kevinmetthemtherewiththebag.

“Callme,Mace.”

Shenoddedandtheyhurriedtohercar.

I

TTOOK

morethantwohoursforthemtofindoutthatthemenbroughtinwerefirefightersbutnot

theirfirefighters.Onewasincriticalconditionandtheotherwasexpectedtomakeitbuthadsevere
burns.Theywerebothfromthedepartmentonthemainland,notSanAmaro.SelenaandMaceydidn’t
knowthemenortheirfamilies,butthatdidn’tdiminishthebone-deepsorrowSelenafeltforthose
involved.Still,shewasrelieved,atleastfornow,thatEvanandDerekweren’tthemenintheE.R.with
awholeteamofdoctorsworkingonthem.

AwaveofexhaustionnearlybroughtSelenatoherkneesastheywalkedouttoMacey’sCorolla.

“IthinkIneedtogohome.”

“Youlooklikeyougotdraggedbyatrain.”
“That’sactuallybetterthanIfeel.”
“Wantmetostaywithyou?”
Selenafellintothepassengerseatandconsideredit.“Iloveyouforoffering,butIjustneedto

gotobed.”

“I’llcallyouwhenIhearsomething.”
“Please.”Thoughifitwasanymorebadnews,Selenadidn’thaveacluehowshewouldsurvive

it.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

I

TWASPITCH-DARK

whenSelena’scellphonejoltedherawake.

Shefeltaroundforitonthenightstand,disorientedandscaredtodeathofwhoeverwascalling.
Don’tletitbebadnews.
HerheartwasgoingIndy500speedsandherearsbuzzedinbetweenrings.Itwasasifshewas

trappedatthebottomofawellandtheoxygensupplywasalmostgone.

“Yeah?”Shesatupontheedgeofherbed,herfeethittingthefloor.
“Selena,it’sMacey.They’vegotthefireundercontrol.Stillsomehotspotsbutourguysare

backatthestation.”

“Evan?”
“He’sokay.Derek,too.”Hervoicewasfullofpent-upemotion.“They’reokay,sweetie.”
“ThankGod.”Selenaturnedonthelamp.“Whereareyou?”
“I’matthestation.Derek’sintheshowerrightnow.I’mwaitingtoseehim.”
“Haveyousleptyet?”Selenaasked.
“No.ButI’mgoingtosleeplikeababynow,Ipromiseyou.”Maceysniffed.“Evanrescueda

littlegirl,Selena.Hesavedherlife.”

Selenasmiledthroughthetearsthatcourseddownherfaceassheslidtothefloor.“That’sso

great.”Sheclosedhereyes.“Whatamanheis.Theyallare.”

“Gotthatright.”
“GogetDerek.Andthanksforcallingme.”
Selenaendedthecallandsatthere,dazed,forseveralminutes.Thealarmclocktoldheritwas

2:14a.m.She’dcrashedhardinherbed,comalike,sleepingforseveralhours.

Slowly,sheroseandchangedclothes,sinceshehadn’thadtheenergytogetherpajamason

before.Asshedressed,shemadeadecision.

Selenapulledoutoneofhercarry-onbagsandstuffedinachangeofclothesandhertoiletries,

havingfinallybookedaflightlastnightforseventhismorning.She’dleftenoughofhercold-
weatherclothesbackinBostontogetby.Sheranabrushthroughherhairandclippeditback,then
shovedherfeetintoshoes.Onherwayoutthedoor,shegrabbedhercoatandpurseandslungthetote
overhershoulder.

Thehalf-miledrivetothestationseemedlongerthanithadinthepast.Surreal.Therestofthe

worldsleptwhileherheartthundered.ShehadtoseeEvan.Hadtoassureherselfhewasunharmed.
Hadtotellhimwhathadbecomecrystalcleartoheruponwaking.

E

VANSTOOD

aloneintheshower,scrubbinghisbodyyetagaininanattempttogetridofthesootthat

seemedtocovereveryinchofhim.Hislungsscreamedfromtoomuchsmoke,butthedamagewas
negligible.Especiallycomparedtotheothers.

Twomenhadgonedowntonight,oneofthemstillfightingforhislife.They’dalsopulledout

twocivilianvictims.Ateacherwho’dhelpedherstudentsescapeandafirst-gradegirlwho’dhidden
inoneoftherestroomswhenthefirebrokeout.He’dseenoneofthebodiesbeingcarriedslowlyto
theambulanceashe’dgottenneworders.He’dseendeadvictimsbefore,butitwouldalwaystearhim
aparttoknowtherewassomeonetheyhadn’tbeenabletosave.

ThankGodhe’dfoundtheotherlittlegirlwhenhehad.He’dbeenabletogetheroutandtothe

paramedicsintime.Lasthe’dheard,whentheyreturnedtothestation,shewasdoingokayatthe
hospital.Itwashisfirstrescue—he’dwaitedyearsforthetimingandthecircumstancestolineupin
hisfavor.Satisfactionandgratitudehadoverwhelmedhimafterhe’dgottenherout,butwordofthe
victimsandtheinjuredfirefightershaddampenedhiselationsoonafter.

Hepouredmoreshampoointohishandandmassageditintohishair.Thestenchofsmokewas

impossibletogetridofentirelyanditmadehisnostrilsburn.Afteranotherroundofsoap,hefinally
turnedthewateroff.Hisskinwasascleanashecouldgetittonight.

Astheshowerspitoutafewlastdropsofwater,Evanstoodthere,onehandstillontheknob,

leaninghisforeheadandforearmagainstthewall.Hewasspentnowthattheadrenalinehadstopped
pumping.

Heheardsomethingbehindhimandturnedaround.
Selenastoodthere,hairamess,eyesshiningwithtears.
“Whatareyoudoinghere,darlin’?”
“Theysaidyouwerealone.ThatIcouldcomein.”Hervoicewasquiet,unsure.Tired.
“It’sfine,”hesaid,walkingtowardher,stilldrippingwet.He’dneverbeensodamnhappytosee

her,inspiteofherdrawnfaceandhauntedeyes.

Shehesitatedforamoment,thenclosedthegapbetweenthemandwrappedherarmsaroundhis

nakedbody,buriedherheadagainsthiswetchest.Andbegansobbing.

“Selena,it’sokay.I’mfine.Everything’sgoingtobefine.”Hisvoicewasgravellyashellfrom

allthesmoke.

Shejustheldonandcried.Bythetimeshe’dquieteddown,hewasmostlydryexceptforthepart

ofhischestshe’ddrenchedwithtears.

Selenalookeddownatherdampclothesandthenmethiseyes.Herswereredrimmedand

bloodshot.Evanbrushedherhairbehindherearandheldherhandashewalkedovertothestackof
cleantowels.Hewrappedonearoundhiswaistthenpulledhertohimagain.Shebegantocry,even
harder.

“Selena,what’swrong?Thefire’sover.Wesavedsomepeople—agirlandaboy.”
Shenoddedupagainsthim.“S-sorry.Didyougetmymessage?”
“Whatmessage,darlin’?”
“Onyourphone.”
Hewasn’tevensurewherehisphonewas.“Notyet.”
Sheinhaledslowly,shakily,andthosebrowneyeslinedwithdamplashessoughthisagain.“My

momd-died.Lastnight.Aneurysm.”

Oh,holyhell.Hetookbothherhandsandpulledheroutoftheshowerareatoadrybench.He

straddleditnexttoherandhuggedheragain.“I’msodamnsorry,Selena.”

Shecriedsilently,shouldersjerkingupanddown,foranotherfewminutes.Graduallythetears

begantosubside,buthedidn’tletgo.Hedidn’thavethefirstnotionofwhattosay.

“Sorryaboutthat,”shesaidfinally,soundingmuchstrongerthanbefore.“Ididn’tmeantocry.”
“Shh.It’sokay.”
Shestoodandtooktwostepsawayfromhim.“It’snotokay,actually.I…Evan…Ican’tdothis

anymore.I’mnotcutouttobeafirefighter ’swife.”

Hefeltherwordslikeadullknifetothegut.“Everythingworkedout,Selena.I’mfine.Lookat

me.”

“Twoofyourcolleaguesaren’t,Evan.Whatifthathadbeenyou?”
“Itwasn’t.Thiswasaparticularlybadfire,darlin’.Everytimewon’tbelikethis.”
Sheshookherhead.“Therewon’tbeaneverytime.Ican’tdoit.”Shestoodtaller.“Iwon’t,

Evan.Todaywastorture.Iknowitwasn’tacakewalkforyou,butyou’vechosenthislife.Ihaven’t.”

“Youwon’tevengiveitsometimebeforeyoudecide?”
“There’snopoint.Ican’tlivelikethis.I’mflyinghomeforthefuneralandwhenIgetback,

therewon’tbeanus.”

“SoyouarecomingbacktoSanAmaro?”
“Ihavecommitmentshere.Themurals.Mybusiness.”
“I’mnotgivingup,”Evansaid,histhroatrawwithpain,bothphysicalandother.
Selenastaredathim,thenslowly,sadlyshookherhead.“Ihavetogonow.Goodbye,Evan.”
Hewatchedherwalk,stepbygracefulstep,outofhislife.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

“Y

OUDOINGOKAY?”

SelenalookedupatherbrotherfromwhereshesatonthemainstairwayintheCambridge-

Jarboefamilyestate.Shenoddeddistractedly.“Iguess.Allthingsconsidered.”

“Allthingsconsidered,”Tomrepeated,gesturingforhertomoveoversohecouldsitnextto

her.“Lotstodigest.”

“You’restillfreakingoutbecauseI’mpregnant,aren’tyou?”
“Hell,yeah.You’remybabysister.I’mgoingtobeanuncle.”
They’dstayeduptalkingmostofthenightbeforeaftergettingthroughthefuneral,theburial,

thegatheringatthehouseafterward.Theordealhadmadetimedisappearandbroughttheirfather ’s
deathbackasifit’dhappenedtheweekbeforeinsteadoffifteenyearsago.

“You’llbethebestuncleever,”shesaid,leaningintohim.“Youcanbuyhimbabycamos.”
Tomchuckled.“Thequestioniswhetheryou’dletthelittleonewearthemornot.”
“Aslongasyoudon’tstartrecruitingbeforehighschool.”
“Iwouldn’tdare.Don’tneedthatbigbadfirefightercomingafterme.”
Selenagrinnedreluctantly.“YoubigbadArmyguyshaveaproblemwithbigbadfirefighters

beatingyouup?”

“Actually,notinthislifetime.I’mmoreafraidofthefirefighter ’swoman.”
“I’mnothisanything,Tom.Itoldyouthat.”
“Whatwouldhesayaboutthat?”
“Idon’twanttotalkaboutitanymore.Whendoyougoback?”
“Dayaftertomorrow.SorryIcan’tstaylonger,butIwasluckytomakeitbackatall.”
“Iknow.ThankGodyoudid.Icouldn’thavegottenthroughitwithoutyou.”
“You’realotstrongerthanyougiveyourselfcreditfor.”
Hiswordsremindedherofwhathermotherhadsaidandchokedherup.Shechangedthe

subject.“There’salotofworktobedonehereifwe’rereallygoingtosellthisplace.”

“Youstillwantto,aftersleepingonitfortwowholehours?”
Selenanodded.“You?”
“Idon’tneedaplacelikethis.ComparedtowhatI’musedto,theguesthouseislikealuxurious

resort.”

“ThisplacehasalwaysbeenMom’s.Shelovedit.Therestofusjust…livedhere.”
“Iwantyoutoforgetaboutsortingthroughanythingrightnow,”Tomsaid.“Wecandoitlater,

whenmydeployment’sover,afteryourbabyisborn.”

“Whatifyoudon’t—”Selenastoppedherself.
“What?”Tomasked.
Selenalookedaround,asadgrinonherface,halfexpectingtoseehermother.“You’llmakeit

backjustfine.Right?”

“Hell,yeah.Nothing’sgoingtostopmefrommeetingmynephew.”
“Orniece.”
“Youkeepcallingithim.”
JustlikeEvandid.Ifthislittleonewasagirl,she’dhaveanadjustmenttomake.
Shestudiedherbrother,thinkingabouttheconversationsheandhermotherhadhadjustabouta

weekago.“Ofallthepeopleinourfamily,Momhadthesafestexistence.Themostdangerousthing

shedidwasflycross-countrytotrackmedown.”

“Yeah.Youtakeafterher,Leenie.Youareonerisk-aversechick.”
“Andyet,she’stheonewhodied.Ofafreakingrandombloodclot.”Hervoicethickenedinher

throatanditwasallshecoulddotogetthewordsout.

“Canhappentoanyofus,”herbrothersaid,puttinghisarmaroundher.
“IwassobusyworryingaboutyouandEvan,Ididn’teventhinkaboutsomethinghappeningto

Mom.”

“Waitasec,”Tomsaid,removinghisarmandleaningawaytofrownather.“Youmeaneven

thoughyoutookofftoTexastogetmeandMomoutofyourlife,you’vestillbeenworryingabout
me?”

Selenadidn’tmeethiseyes.“Everystinkingday.”
Tomclunkedhisheadbackagainstthewall.“Thenwhyinthehelldidyoufeelitwasnecessary

tocutmeoff?Ifyouwereworryinganyway…”

Forthetwo-thousandthtimethatweek,tearsblindedSelena.
“AllIwantedwastohearyourvoicesometimes.Makesureyouweredoingokay,”herbrother

continued.“Ithoughtyouwalkedawaysoyouwouldn’thavetoworry.”

Selenalaughed…orwasshecrying?Shewasn’tsure,buthershouldersshook.“Iknow.Ithought

Icouldhandlethingsbetterbydisappearing.”

“Butno?”
“Butno.”
Definitelycrying.Out-of-controlcrying.
Tomheldontoherforearmandlethergetitoutasshesattheresobbinghystericallyforagood

fiveminutes.Whenshecalmeddown,hiccupingonahalfsobonlyperiodically,hestartedin.

“So.Let’sreview.Youworriedaboutme.”
“Yes.”
“Youcutmeoffsoyouwouldn’thavetoworryaboutme.”
“Yes.”Selenagrinnedathistheatricsinspiteofherself.
“Andyetyoukeptrightonworryingaboutme,eventhoughyouranthousandsofmilesaway.”
“Yes.”
Helookedather,nodding,asiftosayhewasontohergamenow.“Andthisfirefighterdude…”
Oh,no,notthis.
“Evan?Youworryabouthim?”
Shenoddedhalfheartedly,knowingexactlywhereherpain-in-the-buttbrotherwasgoingwith

this.

“Sooo,thebrainiacwhoismysisterhasonceagaindecidedthatifshecutshimoutofherlife,

shewillworryless.Correct?”

Shedidn’tanswer.Becausesheknewhewasabsolutelyright.Andwhilethethoughtscaredthe

ever-lovingdaylightsoutofher,italsosparkedintensehope.

Tomraisedoneeyebrowather,somethinghe’dalwaysdonebecauseheknewitdrovehercrazy.
“Don’tgivemethebrow,”shesaid.
Hedidn’tstop.
“YouthinkI’mbeingfoolish.”
“Absolutelyridiculous.Outrageous.”Hesmiledandthengrewserious.“Selena,caringfor

someoneisnevereasy.Butifyoufocusonthepositiveinsteadofdwellingonthenegative—”

“Thewhat-ifs,”shesaid,nodding.“Momsaidthesamething.”
“Youknowwhat,Leenie?Foronce,Momwasright.”
Thefearwasstillthereinhergut,butitwasbeingdrownedoutbypossibilities.Sheboltedoff

thestairsandpacedatthefootofthem.Noddingtoherself.“Icandothis.Icanstopwiththewhat-ifs
andalltheotherbadthoughts.Maceycanhelpme—sheseemsgoodatit.Shecouldbemysupport
group,justlikeMomsaid…”

“Selena?”Tomwasstillperchedonthestep,watchingherinobviousamusement.
Shestoppedpacing.“What?”
“Youcandoit.Andif,Godforbid,somethingbadeverhappenstosomeoneyoulove—like

Mom,Dad—youcangetthroughit.Itsucksroyally,butyoucangetthroughit.You’reoneofthe
strongestwomenIknow.”

“I’mnot.”
Hestoodandtoweredoverher.“Don’targuewithme.”Thesmileonhisfacecontradictedthe

bellowofhisvoice.

“Ilovehim,Tom.”
“Thengotellhimthat.”HecamedownthebottomthreestepsandhuggedSelena.“Getoutof

here.”

Shelookedupathim,smilingsowideithurt.“IthinkIwill.”

“W

ILLYOU

marryme?”

Smiling,Evanpeereddownatthehalf-pintgirl.“I’lltellyouwhat,Angelica.Whenyougetold

enoughtogetmarried,youcomefindme.IfI’mstillsingle,wecantalk,okay?”

Thebrown-hairedgirlwithbeautifuleyesnoddedenthusiastically.“’Kay.CanIdrivethetruck

now?”

“Angelica,SeñorDrakehasshownuseverythingandgivenustheverybesttour,”hermother

said.“It’stimeforustogo.”

“Youknowwhat,Angelica?Idon’tevengettodrivethetruckmostdays.”
“Really?”Shefrownedandlookedaround,asifshewasgoingtosetthingsrightforhim.
“Ihaveotherjobs.Likerescuingveryimportantlittlegirlslikeyou.”
Shenoddedemphaticallyathisexcellentpoint.Heglancedathermotheragain,laughingto

himselfuntilhesawMrs.Hernandezwasalmostintears.

“Wearesoverygratefulforwhatyoudid,”shesaid,herEnglishheavilyaccented.
“I’mjustgladwegotheroutquickly.She’sdoingsowell.”
“Thankstoyou.CanIhugyou,please?”
“Me,too!”Angelicaskippedoverfromthetruck.
Evanhuggedthewomanbriefly,thenbentdowntothelittlegirl.Shewrappedherarmsaround

hisneckanddidn’tseemtoplantoletgoanytimesoon.Ashecrouchedtherewithher,someone
outsidethegaragecaughthisattention.

Hisheartreactedalmostbeforeherealizedwhoitwas.WhatwasSelenadoinghere?
“Youtakecareofyourmommy,youhearme?”hesaidtoAngelica,easingheraway.
“Yes,sir!”sheyelled.Itwashardtobelievethiswasthegirlwho’dbeendriftinginandoutof

consciousnesswhenhepulledherfromtheburningschooljustaweekago.

“ThanksforcomingbysoIcouldseeyouagain.Dropbyanytime,okay?”
“Yes,sir!”
BothheandMrs.Hernandezlaughed.Theysaidgoodbyeandthewomanandherdaughterwent

towardtheparkinglot,leavingEvanbyhimself,staringatthewomanheloved.

Hebracedhimselfforwhateveritwasshewasheretosaytohimandheadedoutside.
“Hey,hero,”shesaid,standingtherelookingbreathtakinglygorgeous.Sheworealong,loose

dressthebluish-greencoloroftheGulfand,whenhelookedclosely,hecouldtellforthefirsttime
shewascarryingababy.Hisbaby.Justlikethatsomethingmajorshiftedinsidehimatthethoughtof
meetinghischild.

“Welcomeback.Howdideverythinggo?”
“Aswellasafuneralcango.Doyouworkuntiltomorrowmorning?”
“Actually,I’mnotonduty.Thatlittlegirl,Angelica,istheonewepulledoutfromtheschool.

Hermamabroughtherinforatourandsheinsistedonmegivingittoher,sotheguyscalledand
askedmetocomeupforit.”

Shegrinned,squintinginthebrightsun.“She’sgotherselfacaseofheroworship.”
“Askedmetomarryher,asamatteroffact.”
Hersmileturnedintoafrownandshesworemildly.
“What’swrong,Selena?”Hemovedcloser,thinkingmaybeshe’dhadsomepain,maybe

somethingwaswrongwiththebaby.

“It’sjustthat…Iwashopingitwouldbeme.”
“Whatwouldbeyou?”
“Theonewhomarriedyou.”
Hestaredather,hismouthprobablygapingopenlikeanidiot,asherwordssankin.
“Saythatagain,please.”
“Iknowyou’reabiglocalheroandall,withgroupiesandfangirls—ofallages,apparently—

butIwaskindofthinkingthatsinceyouaskedmetomarryyoufirst,beforeher…”

Evangrinned.Laughed.Threwhisheadbackandhowled.“Luckyforyou,Ididn’taccepther

proposaloutright.I’mstillavailable.”

“Excellent.BecausethisbabyandI,weneedathird.Amanofthehouse.Someonetokillspiders

andchangelightbulbs.”

Hesteppedcloserandputhisarmsaroundher,squeezingherandliftingherofftheground.He

spunheraroundinacircle,thencheckedthewindows,prayingtoGodthatnoneoftheguyswere
gawkingatthem.

Sureenough,RafeandLuisstoodinthekitchenavidlywatchinghimandSelena.
Ah,tohellwithit.Hegrinned,wavedattheguys,thenpickedupSelenaandspunheragain.As

heslidherbacktoherfeet,hekissedthatbeautifulheadofhair,breathinginherintoxicatingpeaches-
and-vanillascent.Hetookherhandandledheraway.

“Wherearewegoing?”sheasked.
“Awayfromouraudience.Likeabunchofdamngossipgirlsstandingtherestaring.”
Selenaglancedoveraroundhim,laughedandwavedattheothers.
Theywalkedaroundthewalltothesidewiththefinishedmuralandsatonthepavement,outof

sightfromthegawkers.

“Thisisn’tcloseenough,”Evansaid.“I’vehadtolivewithoutyouforaweek.Iwantyouhere.”

Hepulledherupontohislap.

“Better?”sheasked,herslightlyswollenbellytheonlythingbetweenthemnow.
“Much.Sotellme.Whatchangedyourmind?Nothing’sdifferentaboutmycareer.Istillhaveto

fighttheoccasionalbig,badfire.”

Shenodded.“Iknow.”
“Andyou’reokaywiththat?Youthinkyoucanhandleit?”
“I’mokaywithit.It’swhoyouare,Evan.Whatyoudo.Ifyoudidanythingdifferent,you

wouldn’tbethemanIfellinlovewith.”

Hestaredintohereyes,feelinghimselffallingdeeperandnotcaring.“Alltrue,”hesaidhuskily.
“Itriedrunningawayfrommybrother,toavoidthefearthatsomethingterriblewouldhappen

again,butitdidn’twork.Istillworriedeveryday.AndImissedhim.”

“I’dliketomeethim.”
“Oh,youwill.Youtwoareexactlyalike.Allaboutdangerandheroism.Blah,blah,blah.”
“Hesoundslikeonecooldude.”
“Youwouldsaythat.”Shewovethefingersoftheirhandstogether,becomingseriousagain.“I

neverexpectedmymomtodiesuchanuntimelydeath.”Shesuckedinaquickbreathandheguessed
shewasstrugglingnottocry.Hetightenedhisgriponherhands.“I’msogladsheandIhadthoselast
fewdaystogether,Evan.It’slikewemadeourpeace.”Shesniffedandmethisgazedirectly.“Itmade
merealizeweneverknowhowlongwe’llhavepeopleinourlives.Sohoweverlongyouhave,Iwant
youtobemine.”

“I’myours,darlin’.”Evanpulledherinforalingeringkiss.
Selenabackedawayafterseveralseconds.“Justgetthisthroughyourhead.Youbetterbe

careful,andyoubettercomehometomeaftereverysingleshift.Ifyougetyourselfhurt,Iwillkick
yourass.”

Evanlaughed.“YoubetterhopeI’mnotthekindofguywholikesitrough.”
“Cute,”shesaidsarcastically.“Imeanit.Thisbabyneedshisfather.AndsodoI.”
“Youneedme?”Evansaidwithawidegrin.
“Ineedyou.MorethanIneedanyoneoranythingelseintheworld.”
“Morethanicecream?”
Selenapaused.Tiltedherheadandputherfingertoherlowerlipthoughtfully.Nodded.“Yes,

althoughicecream’saclosesecond.”

Evanwrappedhisarmsaroundherasifhewouldneverlethergo.“How’boutwegocelebrate

withsomebutterpecan?”

“Youdosoknowthewaytothiswoman’sheart.”

EPILOGUE

“W

HAT’SWITH

theMysteryWomanthing,darlin’?Wherearewegoing?”Evanasked.

Selenagotoutofthetruck,unfastenedthecarseatbeltandpulledthree-month-oldChristian—

namedforherfather—intoherarms.Shehandedthebabyakeyringtojingleandchewon.“Thirty’s
amilestonebirthday.Wehavetocelebrateappropriately.”

Evanlookedathersideways,asifhewasn’tsurewhethertotrusther,andSelenatauntedhim

withasneakylaugh.

“Thisway,”shesaid.
“Wantthestroller?”Evanasked.“ChampionEaterisaloadthesedays.”
Sheshookherhead.“Wedon’tneedthatwherewe’regoing.”
“Whichis…where,exactly?”
“Ineverknewyouweresoimpatient.It’scute.”
“I’vegotyourcuterighthere,darlin’.Whichway?”
Insteadofanswering,Selenawalkedtowardthemarina,thesameroutethey’dtakenalmosta

yearagowhentheyhadgoneontheiradventurewithhermom.

“Aha,”Evansaidastheyroundedthecornerofthebuildingandtheboatscameintosight.“I’ve

gotit.We’retakingChief’sboatoutforabirthdayspin.Yougoingtodrive?”

Selenakeptwalking.Whenshepassedtheseconddockwherethefirechiefmooredhisboat,she

surreptitiouslywatchedherhusband.Hisbrowfurrowed.Hesearchedtheboatsatdocknumbertwo
anddidindeedlocatetheHotWater.Thenhenarrowedhiseyes.Sheputonhermostinnocentactand
continuedinsilence.

Atdockfour,sheangledoutoverthewater,slowingsothatEvancaughtuptoher.Christian

staredathisdaddywithbigblueeyesandchubbycheeks.

“Hey,littleman.Isupposeyouknowthesecret,too,huh?AnythingyouwanttotellDaddy?”
“Gah!”
“Seeanythingyoulike?”Selenaasked,gesturingtotheboatswithherhead.
EvanturnedhisattentionfromhissontothesceneryandimmediatelyhomedinontheGrand

Bankstrawleryachtattheendoftheline.TheFireandIceCream.

“Thatone’snewhere.Neverseenitbefore.Iwouldrememberthat.”Hewhistled.“She’sa

beauty.”

“GivethattoDaddy,”SelenacoaxedChristian.“Goahead,sweetie.GiveDaddythekeys.”
EvanreachedfortheringthatChristianandSelenaheldouttogether.Hestillhadtheover-the-

moonnew-dadlookabouthim,theonehe’dworntheentirepastthreemonths.“Thankyou,”hesaid,
distracted.

Selenacouldseetheinstantwhentherealizationdawnedonhim.Hisexpressionchangedfrom

babylovetowhoa.

“Selena?”Evansaid.“Wanttotellmewhat’sgoingon?”
ShelaughedandwalkedontothenarrowdocktothebackendoftheFireandIceCream.Ather

nod,thedoortothecabinflewopenandMelanie,BradandHenry,andEvan’smother,Susan,burst
outontothedeck.“Surprise!”

“Hell,”Evansaidshakily.“Oh,God.Selena?”
“It’syours,Evan.Ithoughtwe’dletyoutakeyournewboatforaspin.Yourmotherneedsaride

hometoTampa.”

Thelookonhisfacewassecondonlytotheexpressionhe’dhadatthemomentChristianhad

beenborn.Likealittlekid,Evanhoppedovertothedeckandspunaround,laughing.Heclimbedup
tothecaptain’schairandranhishandsoverthedashboardandcontrols.Thenheclimbedbackdown
anddisappearedintothecabin,whileSelenaandtherestofhisfamilystoodoutsidehigh-fivingand
laughingforalltheywereworth.

“Yougothimgood,Selena,”Melaniesaid.“Iloveit!”
SelenatookChristianinside.Evanwasalreadydownalevel,checkingoutthestateroomsand

howlinghisapprovaleveryfewseconds.Shewentdowntorevelinhisexcitement.

“Youlikeit?”sheasked.
“DoIlikeit?”Hethrewhisarmsaroundherandthebabyandspunaroundawkwardlyinthe

smallspace.“You’renevergoingtogetmeoffthisthing!Isitreallyours?”

“Onehundredpercent.Madepossiblebythesaleofmymother ’shouse.Shenevergottobuyher

ownboatorplane,butIknowshe’dlovenothingmorethantospoilyoulikethis.”

“It’sperfect.”
“Iknowit’sbeenyourdreamforalongtime.”
“Darlin’,you’vealreadymademydreamscometrue.Twicebeforetoday.”HetookChristian

fromherandraisedthebabyabovehishead,thenloweredhimintoahug.“Thankyou.It’sgoingto
takemethenexthundredyearstorepaythefavor.”

Selenashookherhead.“Nope.Youalreadyhave.”
Hepulledherclosewithhisavailablearmandkissedherlongandslow.
Shesmiledagainsthislipsandsaid,“We’reeven.”

ISBN:978-1-4268-6494-0

ALITTLECONSEQUENCE

Copyright©2010byAmyKnupp.

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TheTexasFirefighters