“A Woman And a Man Are Two Different Ways of Being a Human

“Sex, Lies and Conversation” written by Deborah Tannen presents the issue of communication problems between men and women. The author supports her thesis by quoting numerous examples, studies and arguments. However, is it a correct thesis? To analyze if both sexes indeed differ in subject of communication, there are some questions that must be asked. The first question is: “Are there sex - related communication differences?”
The author states that the answer underlies in childhoods. As it is explained in the fragment, this is the moment, when every human being develops himself - his future characters are created. The author writes, “(…) children's development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interactions. Boys and girls (…) have different organizational structures and interactive norms.” Boys play with boys, girls play with girls - their groups are different. The friendship between girls is based on intimacy and closeness; it is usually a small group - just “best friends” among which secrets can be exchanged. Boys' friendship, on the other hand, is based on hierarchy, their groups are larger, they do not talk in such a degree - they rather do things together. After analyzing the Tannen's arguments, it is clear to assume that communication differences do exist and have their beginning in childhoods. The next question appears: “How do both sexes differ in subject of communication?”
The author quotes three main aspects: listening, body language and silence differences.
The first aspect - listening - is caused by variant expectations of men and women or more specifically, their physical positions while listening. Women tend to have an eye contact with their listener; they expect listener's attention - an active communication. Opposite to women, men have a tendency to “escape”; an eye contact is needless for them and their sitting alignments are not direct as they are in women's case. Tannen mentions also the difference of subject range of conversations for both sexes. As studies show, females can talk about one topic, while males can change their subjects numerous times, from one to another - not even connected.
The second aspect - body language - sustains the author's thesis. Again, the differences seem to be very explicit. Men, during their conversations, do not need to show such a strong support as it is expected among women. Men's few simple and what is important - sincere words are enough to make their friend feel better. In women's friendship this type of support would not be satisfying; they need a strong support and there is no place for being sincere - no matter of differences of views, they will say what is supposed to be said to make their friend happier. It is very opposite to men who treat saying their views as a duty.
Finally, the third aspect - silence - is desired to show different and paradoxical behaviors of both sexes in a special situation - in public. The author mentions a popular occurrence of woman's nature - women are very talkative, but what happens with their voice in a public? Men are in control. Tannen gives an explanation - because of man's hierarchical nature, they talk to defend themselves from being pushed around. During this time, women tend to stay silent because their perfect location for having a conversation is at home, while nobody can pushed them away.
“What are the causes of communication problems?” is a significant issue that needs an additional discussion. According to the author, the main cause of communication problems between men and women is misunderstanding. I definitely agree with this opinion. We are simply unaware, that men and women are different, that is why we live in a constant disagreement. Men and women often feel frustration and madness in contact with an opposite sex and it happens because they forget this important truth. Similarly, in relationships, we expect from our partner to be more alike to us; we also believe that if they love us, they should feel or behave the same. Such a position leads to more and more disappointments and as it follows - communication problems. Men and women have a tendency to lose a time for conflicts instead of using it for exchanging information about their distinctions. Men wrongly expect, that women will think and react as men, and women, on the other hand, mistakenly expect from men feelings, ways of communication and reactions appropriate for women.
The author evidently makes some suggestions for improving interactions between men and women and avoiding conflicts leading to nothing. Her idea is an “acceptation.” I share the same view - clear statement must be made that both sexes are different -respecting each other's distinction will dramatically decrease number of conflicts between men and women. We should simply remember about divisive differences and from that point everything is possible to explain.
After analyzing Deborah Tannen's arguments I reached an agreement with her thesis. I think that the author correctly explained mechanism of communication between men and women. The description of communication process in “Sex, Lies and Conversation” automatically evoked my personal experiences. It seems like everything found its explanation - why my male - friends' behaviors happened to be so frustrating, why it is so difficult for them to listen, why their nature is so shy in my presence but in social situation they want to be “a star”, why…they are just different.

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