Days Like This

By Kate Eileen

Beginning, Next Section

Part 1

Posted on Sunday, 17 September 2000

Dozens of cans toppled to the floor.

"It's your fault."

"Hey, you were the one who was being so uncooperative."

"Me? Excuse me, Mr. Let - Me - Do - It - You - Can't."

"Exactly, you should have just let me do this."

"Just you? Are you crazy? We don't have that kind of time to waste."

"This is wasting time. If I had done it myself, we would be done by now, Elizabeth."

"You'd still be at the top of the aisle, Willis."

"I hate doing cardboard. Especially when I have to do it with you."

"Jerk."

"Shrew."

"Moron."

As my brother and my friend bickered, Colin and I discreetly picked up the cans of soup and stacked them back on the shelf.

"Come on, let's pick it up," said my brother. He turned and nearly stepped on me. "Hey! You did you two get here?"

"Walked," I replied saucily.

"Be respectful to your elders, Lindsey Georgiana," my brother said with irritated sarcasm. An odd thing about my mother's family -- for who knows how long, the first born girl has always been given a first name beginning with L followed by the middle name Georgiana. Don't ask me why. Thus, my mother was Laura Georgiana; my grandmother was Lillian Georgiana. Shortly before I was born, my brother, who was about three and a half, suggested Louisiana Georgiana as my name. My parents loved this story; Will does not. It was impossible not to think of this and impossible not to smirk. Will glared at me and at Colin, who knew the story and was smirking also.

"I thought you were reshopping in bulk foods?" asked Lizzy.

"We heard," said Colin shortly.

"That is, first we heard the cans, then we heard you two --"

"And we rushed back before you tore each other apart," finished Colin.

"And you can blame this id --"

"She was the one --"

A firm hand descended upon a shoulder of each, silencing them. "Liz, Will. Children." I suppressed a smile at Colin's mockingly stern tone. "I know that it's past midnight. I know it's Friday night -- or morning if that's the way you want to look at it. I know that could potentially mean that we are all losers with no life. We've all been here a long time, we're all tired, and no one is in a particularly cheery mood. I understand that." Colin stopped and corrected himself. "Well, except for Bing of course, but he doesn't count because he's always so infernally happy. Okay, and Jen too, I think it's impossible for her to ever be not nice. But I believe I digress, and now I'm not entirely sure I can remember the point I was going to make -- perhaps it may have been something along the lines of Shut Up, Grow Up, Cooperate, Be Nice, Don't Destroy the Merchandise, and may I say again, Shut up!" Colin turned to me with a smile. "Do you concur, Lindsey, or is there something I ought to add?"

"Oh, I think that would be it, Colin." I returned the smile and followed him back to the bulk foods.

"Think I should pursue a career as a kindergarten teacher, Lindsey?" he asked me.

I pretended to consider. "Well, you could, but I think you would be better off sticking with economics."

Colin sighed heavily. "Yes, I suppose you're right, economics is better for me. I'd probably be bored out of my mind as a kindergarten teacher. I do like working at Wegmans, Lindsey -- but not forever!"

"You won't be here forever," I said reassuringly. "Just a few more years. You'll finish your grad school classes, you'll find a job..."

"Eventually. I don't know, maybe I should get an MBA instead. But that's not what I want to do; I want economics. Well, I've worked here for nearly ten years. I suppose can take a few more." Colin took a bag of dried cranberries out of the cart of reshops. "You know, these are really good, if you're in the right mood. But the lady who was going to get them really wanted raisins and got these by mistake." He tossed the bag over his shoulder. "Hey Linz, catch -- uh-oh."

"What?" I asked turning around. I looked up. The bag had landed neatly in a car of the miniature train that ran along a track above the bulk foods section. "Oooh, that's bad."

"A stepstool's never going to reach that," said Colin, hoisting himself onto a large wooden bin filled with Halloween candy.

"Colin - Richard - Wesley!" I gasped. "Are you crazy?"

He teetered precariously on the edge of the bin, waiting for the train to come around. "Shh... almost got it -- just a little farther -- there!" Colin made a grab for the cranberries, tottered, fall off the edge and stumbled into a display of candy.

I gave him a look. "Had to get it down somehow," he muttered.

"Mmm-hmm," I replied, starting to pick up the candy.

At that point, Billy Burg trotted over. "I flatter myself that you will not mind -- though I am but quite new when compared to the two of you (quite the veterans, you are ) -- my offering the assistance of my advice, meaning that I believe it was not most wisely chosen to stand on the bin and perhaps --"

"Isn't there something you're supposed to be doing right now?" I asked in a withering tone.

"Oh, of course, Miss Fitzdarcy, certainly, you are always --"

"Billy, please return to your register, now," said an impatient voice over the intercom which I recognized as Elizabeth's. With a little yelp, Billy trotted back to the front end, while I exchanged an amused look with Colin, who was of course forgiven.

"So, Lindsey, what would it be? Idiot? Moron? First-class dork?"

"You mean Billy?"

"No, me. For my oh-so-Olympian feats in retrieving the cranberries. Olympian, but ill-fated, I fear," Colin deadpanned.

"None of the above!" I replied, laughing.

"Dunderhead, that must be it," said Colin cheerfully.

"Never. Not you."

I've known Colin for my entire life. When we were growing up, the Wesleys lived next door to us. We are also distantly related by marriage -- or used to be, rather -- because my Aunt Camilla (I'll get to her later -- she's not something you can pass over easily, however much you may wish to) is the ex-wife of Colin's father's cousin Clarence. I feel very sorry for Clarence. He was always so much nicer to me than Aunt Cam, but when they were getting divorced, Aunt Camilla managed to convince everyone that it was his fault. I know it wasn't -- Aunt Cam was having an affair. But everyone saw Clarence as the bad guy and Camilla was awarded most of the custody of their daughter. It wasn't fair. Annie is twenty-two, but she may as well be only twelve because Aunt Camilla is so oppressive.

Colin's older brother Fletcher, Bing Charleston (who lived on the other side of us), and my brother were best friends -- still are, in fact. Colin used to play with them a lot as well, despite being three years younger and the fact that older siblings and their friends rarely welcome the younger as a playmate.

Colin is the quintessential middle sibling. (He also has a sister, Susan, who is four years younger than he is.) He's a first-class peacemaker. He's the nicest person I have ever known ever. I think it's safe to say that there is no one quite like Colin.

He's a year older than me. He and my friend Elizabeth Benedict were in the same class in high school. Liz's sister Guinevere is two years older than them. Everyone always calls her Jen -- let's just say Mrs. Benedict was going through a highly romantic phase when Jen was born. Hmm... I'm considering taking back what I said. Maybe Colin isn't quite the nicest person I know -- it might be Jen, or maybe Bing. No, Colin is still the nicest... just in a different way. Trust me, I know. And if I hadn't been able to figure it out in the first twenty years that I knew him, an incident four years ago proved it beyond any doubt.

My mother died when I was six, and when I was eighteen, my father died. Fortunately, Will and I have always been very close. We still live together in the house we grew up in. The house is large and Will has one side and I the other, so we are still able to live like adults with our own lives. My father was a very successful businessman in the communications field and both Will and I were left a substantial amount when he died. Will was also left the business. This was not a sexist move on my father's part at all. He knew I had no interest in it at all while Will did. So I was left more cash and stocks and Will got the my father's share of the business. Until four years ago, twenty-five percent was publicly owned, another quarter was owned by my father's younger brother, Gardiner, who had been my father's second-in-command, and Will owned the other half.

I want to be a writer. I am a writer, I think, though I haven't had anything published to speak of... yet. Only a bit in small magazines and college reviews and such, and in that, only nonfiction. I write both fiction and about philosophy, which I was my major in college. Aunt Camilla of course disapproved, thinking it was impractical and also politically incorrect somehow. I don't think she likes Enlightenment philosophy much. I do. She said her brothers -- my father and Uncle Gardiner, are capitalist exploiters. And meanwhile she has how much money? Colin is fond of amusing himself by provoking her. But back to the immediate subject -- Aunt Cam thought that if I wanted to major in "any of that liberal arts drivel", I should have gone to law school and become some sort of women's advocacy lawyer. Sorry, Aunt Cam, but I don't think so. Failing me, she's living vicariously through her daughter Annie. Poor Annie. She's a nice girl, just a little... trampled. Anyway, my father and Will approved of my decision, and they matter far more to me than Aunt Camilla can ever hope to -- and though she doesn't like me much, she does hope to. I like Uncle Gardiner and Aunt Phyllis better.

Argh, I'm digressing again. Sorry. During my sophomore year of college, Will started a new division of the business, rather doubtfully sanctioned by Uncle Gard. He wanted to explore the computer and Internet aspect of the business further. Having a degree in computer science from MIT, Will figured he was invincible. That's a bit of a fault of his, and that together with his pride was not such a good combination. Bing's perpetually trusting nature and easygoing temperament didn't help much either, and as for Geoff Hollwick -- well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Bing was a communications major and invested in Will's new division. He also helped with the planning and such. He was going to be the division controller. Geoffery Hollwick was the son of a college friend of my father's, an excellent man who managed the New York City branch before he died in a plane crash. Geoff was also a computer science major at MIT and became friends with Will. He was supposed to head the research in the new division; he said he had always wanted to be involved in the research, not the financial and legal matters, and Will and Bing believed him, having no reason not to. Legal and finance was to be Will's specialty until Fletcher Wesley graduated law school, when he would take over that part. Clarence Wesley was going to return to Rochester from Seattle and help them set it up as well. That of course reaped much wrath and displeasure about the whole plan from Camilla, but she would have disapproved anyway.

That summer, Will, Bing and Geoff were in the final stages of preparation. Colin and I, off from college, helped them with whatever we could. In the end of July, I had a dreadful fight with Will. I don't really remember what it was about anymore, but it doesn't really matter. A few days after the fight, he had some sort of accident and landed himself in the hospital with a couple of cracked ribs. Meanwhile, Bing and Uncle Gardiner were in Seattle meeting with Clarence.

I hadn't seen Geoff since I was eight, when his family moved to New York City.. He seemed nice enough... and then he told me that he loved me. He said that Will was mismanaging the business, that he was resorting to trickery to cover up losses and that was why there were going to be some numbers that didn't make sense. Geoff said that Will and Bing had agreed to let him take over the financial aspect.

I believed him. It still shocks me that I thought my own brother, who had done nothing but the best for me, was resorting to deceit and dishonesty to cover up his incompetence. I like to think that if I had been in my right mind, I never would have believed it for a second, but I was mad at Will, and Geoff said he loved me. I didn't love him, but it didn't matter, because he said that he loved me, and that was better than...

But there is no good excuse. I nearly wrecked the company. I should have gone straight to Will; instead, one Sunday evening I went with Geoff to the company's empty office building. He said he was going to show me proof of Will's financial fudging. Instead, he intended to seduce me.

Who knows what might have happened if a small part of my brain hadn't still been functioning properly. At the office, while Geoff was hedging about showing me the records, I excuse myself to use the ladies' room. I suppose I never fully believed Geoff after all, and while he was stalling, my doubts began to rise. Instead of going to the restroom, I went to Bing's office and called Colin on his cell-phone. Geoff had thought the office was deserted, but Colin had been working that evening as well, going through recent files in a store room. Some of the numbers Geoff had given him had been bothering his economist's brain.

Colin got to Will's office just as Geoff was becoming malicious because of my rejection of his advances. Colin is normally one of the calmest people I know, but I have never seen him as mad as he was then.

He asked me to go back to Bing's office and wait for him. I don't know what happened in Will's office, but forty minutes later I heard Geoff's car peel furiously out of the parking lot, and Colin, still seething, retrieved me from Bing's office and drove me to home.

When I say that Colin was furious, I mean at Geoff. With me, he couldn't have been nicer. That's Colin. He sat down with me at Will's kitchen table and gave me hot chocolate to drink in the last week of July. He listened and soothed as I told him everything, shaking uncontrollably. He told me that Geoff had been appropriating the new division's funds for the last few months. He also said he doubted anything could be proven against Geoff in court, and that the company's stock was about to crash.

Colin turned out to be right about everything. The stockholders had to be informed of all the money that had been drained from the company and the stock plummeted. It was difficult to recover the rest of the company because of the delicate position it was in, but fortunately, Gardiner and Clarence are business geniuses. My brother was mortified, but not angry with me. He said that he was more angry with Geoff about what he did to me than the money. Will blames himself for not realizing Geoff's deception and the failure of the new division. Bing blames himself for trusting Geoff to manage by himself while he and Gard were in Seattle and Will was in the hospital. Colin blames himself for not alerting Will or Bing as soon as he had suspicions. I still say it's my fault.

Will felt dreadful about the failure, partially because of his pride, but mostly because he felt he let his employees, stockholders, and Bing down. And in some way our father too. Will wanted to give all his holdings in the company to Uncle Gardiner, but he insisted that Will and I keep fifteen percent each. Gard and Clarence control the company now. Will has decided that he is not and will never be a businessman.

We both lost a lot of money from that fiasco. So did Bing. Will decided that in addition to learning more and more and still more about computer science, he should become better at working with people. He thinks that's part of the reason for the failure of the division.

Will and I have both worked at Wegmans since we were sixteen. A lot of kids at my school got huge allowances for doing virtually nothing, but Will and I never did. Our father thought we should have a job regardless of his income.

And now we're back. Will, Colin, Elizabeth, Jen, Bing, Bing's twin sister Lucia, and I are all front-end managers. When he isn't at Wegmans, Will takes more classes in computer stuff at the Rochester Institute of Technology and programs. (I swear, the boy is aiming for a Ph.D. in computer science, if such a thing is possible.) I write and take a few graduate classes at the University of Rochester. Colin is working on his Masters' degree in Economics from UR. Liz wants to be a journalist, but doesn't want to write for the local paper and I can't blame her; it's terrible. She does a bit of free lance work and sometimes writes opinion columns for online news services. Jen majored in psychology and also works as a counselor at Strong Hospital. She wants to go back to school to become a psychiatrist -- sometime, when she can afford it. Bing is a freelance contractor for marketing companies, not that he has time to accept many jobs. Lucia (we always call her Carley) is a jazz pianist.

"Lummox, that's it!" Colin's exclamation broke into my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"Uh, never mind. Twelve-thirty -- you and I are done! Will's on until 2 am tonight, isn't he?"

"Yeah, that's what he gets for being too lazy to take an earlier shift."

"I'll take you home then."

"Thanks." An errant reddish curl slipped out of my braid. It's amazing how little I look like my brother. He's tall with very dark hair and eyes. I'm small and slight, with light red-gold hair and I suppose my eyes would be hazel -- gold-brown and darker green, and sometimes a bit of gray. Liz and Jen don't look much alike though either. Carley and Bing do, though. So do Colin and Fletch -- brown hair, blue-gray eyes.

Colin and I leaned over the schedule book, both groaning. Liz and Will were scheduled for much of the same time -- and so were both of us to bear witness to the fracas. Billy Burg was scheduled for five days. Bing was going to be working at the same time as Jen, which meant he would be rendered somewhat useless. And the name Carol Ann Gorbing was listed. It was going to be a very long week.

Part 2

Posted on Friday, 22 September 2000

"Thanks again, Colin," Lindsey said to me as she got in the car.

"Hey, no problem. But I thought Will was going to leave you his car today."

"Yeah, that's what was supposed to happen -- but Will forgot and left while I was out roller-blading. Needless to say, he received a rather displeased call from me when I got home, but I think I'll go easy on him. He says that half of today's class can't even turn on the computer."

"Ooh, that must infuriate his sensibilities."

"Yep, sure sounded like it did when I called him. Oh, and then someone clicked on something to 'see what would happen' and Will had to reboot the whole system."

"Ouch."

Every Saturday, Will is commissioned by some corporation or other to train its employees in computer literacy. When she works Saturdays, Lindsey usually takes him to the company of the week so she can drive to Wegmans, but apparently the dolt had forgotten she had to work this morning.

"I called the Liz to see if one of them could take me, but they had already left."

"Hey, it's no problem. Don't worry about it. So all the Benedicks are working today?"

"Liz, Jen, and Kristy are. I don't know about Myra and Lynda -- probably not."

"Sounds good," I said with a momentary grin. The three oldest Benedicks are definitely the most preferable of the five sisters. Elizabeth -- wow, what a girl, I went through high school with her. Her constant squabbles with Will can be a bit of a pain... but let's just say I've got a few theories about that. And Saint Jen -- her only transgression is distracting Bing, not that she tries to. Bing has had a crush on Jen for oh, about the last fifteen years. He never did much about it, though. There are a multitude of reasons (none of them particularly substantial) for why he hasn't. I don't know everything that went on, since Bing is three years older than me and Jen is two years older. But I think I know enough to make some logical deductions, though. Bing is a good friend of mine, but I can't help thinking that this is utterly ridiculous. You'll never see me doing something like that. Slap me upside the head if you ever do, but it's never going to happen, trust me.

Kristen Benedict has improved considerably over the past five or six years. Before she used to be nearly as much of an embarrassment to Jen and Liz as the two youngest were. Not that they ever said that, but you could just tell. Jen and Liz of course had a good deal to do with her improvement, but I credit Lindsey at least as much. I admit, I used to think of Kristy as silly, insipid, empty-headed -- but she has turned out to be quite intelligent and very pleasant, and with a good deal of spirit, now that she is out from behind the shadow of Lynda, the spoiled youngest daughter. She got her Bachelors Degree in business this year -- certainly not a typical move for ditz. Yes, Kristy has improved a remarkable amount. When school starts again next week, she and Andrew Dennison, showing a great deal more sense than I did, are going to pursue an M.B.A. at the University of Rochester.

I suddenly noticed Lindsey was speaking to me again.

"I don't know what's up with him. He's been so... distracted lately," Lindsey said.

"Mmm-hmm..." I replied vaguely. As I said, I have my... theories. I wonder if Lindsey might; it's distinctly possible. An economist and a writer/philosophy major -- theories abound.

We drove in silence a bit longer. Finally, Lindsey began tentatively, "Err... Colin... Carol's name wasn't really on the schedule, was it?"

I groaned. "You saw it too? I was hoping it was just some sort of caffeine-induced late-night horrific delusion."

"Guess not. She doesn't like me, you know. Not at all. She just pretends to -- because of Will, I suppose."

"I've noticed," I replied grimly. Carol Ann was in the same class as Jen Benedict -- two years behind Will and a year ahead of Lizzy and me.

"But I don't get it!" Lindsey exclaimed. "Carol working at Wegmans. What's going on?"

"Cost of living in New York City got too high?" I suggested. "Especially for someone with spending habits like hers."

Another thought stuck Lindsey. "You know," she said direly, "Lizzy's not going to like this. Carol always hated her, and now she's going to be tossing comments about her magazine internship -- which brings me back to the original point -- why's she here?!?"

"Oh, uhh ... let me think..." I began to recall something my ex-aunt had said about a year ago. "Didn't Camilla say that the magazine stopped paying their interns? Carol's mother was very upset and took it as a personal insult to her daughter."

"Oh yeah. She did say that." Lindsey slumped down in her seat. "Poor Will," she commented.

"Ohhhh, yes. Think there's any chance that she won't take up the hunt again?"

"Nope."

"That's what I think."

We arrived at Wegmans a half hour early: breakfast. Yes, we're dependent. Lindsey and I took our food to the breakroom and sat down at a table near the back. We chatted in peace for a few minutes before I felt a chilling sensation down my back and my intuition began to give off alarm signals. I looked across the table at Lindsey and saw an expression of acute displeasure on her face. "Uh-uh. Not today. Not 'til Monday."

"Sorry," Lindsey replied, looking over my shoulder. "Today."

"Do you think we can hide behind the lockers?" I suggested.

"No such luck," she sighed. "We have been Spotted."

"Spotted...and Marked as Prey?"

"It looks that way."

"Maybe we could just shrink down?"

Carol Ann Gorbing plopped herself into the chair next to Lindsey's and arranged her arms in such a way that Lindsey was forced to scoot over.

"Lindsey, Colin, it is soooo nice to see you. It has simply been too too long," she gushed.

"Ahhmm..." Lindsey and I mumbled together.

"This will be so wonderful. So many old friends!" Uh, which ones might they be, Carol? "The two of you, and Jen, Elizabeth" -- Carol could not avoid almost spitting out that name -- "Bing and Lucia" -- Carley! Her friends call her Carley! -- "oh and Jen's dear little sister Kristen is here now isn't she?" Oh come on, Carol, don't be that hypocritical; you now you always looked down on Kristen. "And of course," Carol continued, as she kept throwing glances over my shoulder at the door to the breakroom, "your brother, Lindsey --"

"Will isn't working today," Lindsey and I chorused.

"Oh." Carol endeavored to disguise her distinct disappointment.

"Sorry," Lindsey added, causing me to smirk a bit. Carol gave her a frosty little smile and sipped her no-fat-no-sugar coffee drink of some kind. I leaned back in my chair and amused myself by contemplating the marked difference between Lindsey and Carol.

While I was absorbed trying to recall what color her now decidedly platinum blond hair was originally, Carol went into attack mode.

"Oh, Lindsey. I was so distraught when I heard about your brother's business. Camilla told my mother all about it of course, they are such good friends."

"I see," said Lindsey tightly.

"Yeeeees...well. Oh! And you must have felt terribly, considering --"

What?!? What was this -- this -- this Concubine of Satan* doing to my poor little Lindsey?!?

"So, why are you here, Carol?" I interrupted loudly. Very loudly, it would seem, since a few people turned to look at me. "I guess the magazine thing didn't work out so great, huh?"

Carol glared at me. "They stopped paying the interns -- even though we do all the real work -- and some pig-headed editor refused to promote me to a paid position," she sniffed.

"Poor thing," I said. Lindsey kicked me under the table.

"And then I had a very traumatic break-up. His fault, of course -- I dumped him."

"Of course," I agreed. Carol Ann seemed to suspect no sarcasm.

"But Carol... how come you're here today? I thought you started Monday," Lindsey asked.

"Orientation," she replied smugly. "I'm going to be a manager."

"Happy thought indeed," I muttered. Lindsey, I presume, meant to kick the table leg, but nabbed my leg instead. She shot a look of apology at me, which I dismissed with a casual nod.

Carol, annoyed that she was being left out of this silent conversation, asked whether Will was coming later today.

"Nope. He usually has another job Saturday, sometimes he works in the evening, but I don't think tonight," Lindsey answered, then looked as if she regretted betraying Will's whereabouts to Carol Ann.

Carol wallowed in her disappointment for a moment, then looked up at me with a little gleam in her eye. Uh-ohhhh...

Carol's foot touched mine, then began to slide up my leg. Yikes. I literally jumped off my chair a few inches and choked on my orange juice.

Carol's first target is always Will, failing him, my brother Fletch is next, then Bing and I are up.

Lindsey was staring at me with a startled expression. "Umm... are you okay, Colin?"

I spluttered. "Fi --" *cough* "--Fine. I --" *cough COUGH COUGH* "I just need some waah --" *COUGH* "--water. Yeah. Water." I took a long sip of Lindsey's iced tea. Close enough. "Ahem. Thank you." I handed the glass back to Lindsey, who continued to eye me dubiously. I looked hard at her, flicked my glance over to Carol Ann, and back at Lindsey with a slight expressive look. Her eyes widened, then she raised her eyebrows. After a moment, a very faint amused smile began to appear. I frowned back at her. No Lindsey. It is not funny. She shot me another inquisitive look. Women always want details. I thought a moment, then glanced over at Carol again and tapped Lindsey's leg with my foot. By the time this wordless communication was complete, Carol was glaring at both of us. As I said, she hates being excluded from a discussion, especially a covert one such as this. She must have her share in the conversation -- or at least know what's being said.

"I have to go now," she said haughtily, flouncing out of the break-room. Sadly for her, she was so intent on flouncing she nearly collided with Lucia Charleston in the doorway.

"I am so freakin' sick of that man!" Carley exploded.

"Mmm...which one would that be?" Lindsey asked as we got up from the table and threw away our trash.

"Elliot Bath-Waters," Carley spat through her teeth. "His oldest daughter is getting married and he wants my band to play at the engagement party, but he keeps changing the date -- and nearly everything else!"

"Irene Bath-Waters is getting married?" Lindsey repeated incredulously.

"How?" I blurted out. Lindsey whapped me across the stomach. "Owww. Why'd you do that?!?"

"Not nice."

"Oh come on, Linz, you know that's only what you we're thinking. I mean really, now that we're in the vicinity of one of Satan's Concubines, we might as well acknowledge another --" Lindsey's arm whacked my side again. "Okay okay."

"I'm doing this for your own good."

"Whenever women say their doing something for my own good I get nervous."

"I'm training you --"

"Now I'm really nervous."

"If you'd let me continue -- you can't talk like that to customers --"

"Come on Linz, I know that."

"-- or to the cashiers either. Especially the younger ones. You confuse 'em. And they think you're teasing them."

"I do not! Okay, well yes -- not that much! And what about Jack."

"I promise to slap Jack as well if a suitable opportunity arises."

"Fine." By this time, we had exited the break-room, punched in, and gone down the stairs into the main floor. Lindsey stooped to pick up an orange off the floor as we passed through the produce section.

"Hey! And what makes you think I was thinking that too?"

"I always know what you're thinking."

"Betcha don't."

"Of course I do. You're thinking 'if Colin really always knew what I was thinking, I would be most seriously displeased.' "

"You are impossible."

"Yes, but you love me that way."

"That's right."

The rest of the day progressed fairly sanely, or perhaps more accurately, relatively sanely. Carley calmed down and even refrained from glaring at men who resembled Elliot Bath-Waters in appearance or character. (Thought maybe for him lack of character would be a more appropriate designation.) Caroline was off doing a crash course for the managing position, so there were no further problems from her. Jen was working way over in the Pharmacy Department, so Bing was able function in an intelligent way. Lindsey says that whenever Jen is in sight, Bing is rendered somewhat useless. No. When Jen is around, Bing is rendered completely useless. Elizabeth was working but Will was not, thus preserving the peace. Billy for the most part remained quiet.

I saw a register light flashing and went over. "What's the problem?" I asked Margaret Dashwood, the cashier.

She turned around to look at me. "Oh, sorry Colin -- Liz is already taking care of it. I forgot to turn off my light." At that juncture, Liz returned.

"Oh no, it's not your fault," I assured Maggie. "It's her fault," I said, indicating Liz.

"I knew you were going to say that," she retorted.

Maggie grinned. "Yeah, I thought you'd say that too."

"Wow. So I've become that predictable, huh?"

"Yikes, I've got to get a new pitch, don't I."

"Indeed you do," said Lizzy. "I'm expecting it by the time you leave tonight."

"I leave at 7:30, my dear. Not much time, even for a brilliant mind like mine."

"So soon?" she asked mockingly.

"Yeah, just love these eight and a half hour shifts."

"We all do. Now get thee to the podium. Some poor kid is waiting for you."

I went back obediently. "Please state your name, age, residence, and occupation," I told the teenager, who was wearing an "I'm New" ribbon and the yellow nametag designating sixteen and seventeen year olds (and now a rather puzzled expression). Lindsey was restocking a beverage cooler next to me. She glared pointedly. I didn't really want to get whacked across the middle again. "Did you just come in?" I amended.

Cathy nodded.

"Okay, let me see..." I bent over the lists of people and times.

Jack Willard, a college friend of mine, arrived and started filling the helium balloons. Yes - in the frozen foods department. Don't ask me. Maybe they figure ice cream gets people in a party mood or something.

"Hey Lindsey," he greeted her. "How is it today?"

"Alright. Not too busy right now, but it was earlier."

I picked up my yellow highlighter and scanned down the list, overhearing snippets of conversation.

"Are you on tomorrow, Lindsey?"

"No, not until Monday."

"I thought you usually worked on Sundays."

"Well, not this week.

"Anything planned?"

"Yep. Girl stuff with Liz and Jen and Kristy. Carley might come if she can, but Elliot Bath-Waters is currently ruining her life."

"Oh, yeah, I heard his hellion of an eldest daughter is getting married. Never met any of them, though."

"No loss," said Lindsey darkly. "They went to our school. Everyone always liked Johanna but Irene is a hellion, as you say, and the youngest - can't remember her name - was a whining brat. Anyway, Carley says Elliot keeps changing all the arrangements and dates and everything; it's driving her crazy."

"Carley can tough it out."

"Of course. She's no pushover."

"Unlike her brother."

"Well...yes. I suppose Bing can be like that at times."

"Oh, hey - I heard some woman - Carolyn or something like that - came back, everyone's in a panic."

Lindsey groaned. "Maybe not a panic, just dread. Not quite everyone's favorite person."

"Sounds like fun," said Jack.

"Oh, I'm sure that you can devise some way to entertain yourself with her."

"Excuse me?!?"

"All I meant was that you'll enjoy tormenting her. She's... well, you'll meet her, I'm sure -- she's going to be a manager. You'll see what I mean... trust me."

"Heh, this does sound like fun."

"Well, take it easy. She has a tendency to throw tantrums when things aren't going her way."

"Uh-huh..." said Jack deviously.

I looked up to see Cathy Morrislind waving her hands in front of me. "What's up?" I asked her.

"Umm...where do you want me to go?"

"I didn't tell you already?"

"Nooo..." Cathy looked at me doubtfully.

"Huh. Sorry about that." I consulted the list again. "Mmm... go on 17. Tell Maggie she's going home."

Jack finished filling the balloons and leaned over the podium, looking for some task list. Another cashier appeared. "Back from break," she announced.

"Was it everything you dreamed of and more?"

"Jaaaack..." I said. "Be nice or face Lindsey's repercussions." Lindsey laughed.

"Yeah Jack, listen Colin, he knows a little about that."

"Fourteen's going on break," I told the cashier.

"What? - I am being nice!" Jack protested.

Liz passed by. "Going home soon, Lindsey?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"I'm here until nine - see you tomorrow. Remember - ice cream and Darcy. Who could ask for anything more."

"Darcy's okay, but I don't like him that much," Lindsey replied.

"Pride and Prejudice," Jack and I chorused.

"Women," Jack shrugged, shaking his head.

Part 3: Curiouser and Curiouser

Posted on Sunday, 22 October 2000

FINALLY... if anyone still remembers this. Sorry it's been so long -- school, homework, work, activities, more homework, etc... I'll *try* to become more frequent. And last post (yeah, waaaaay back then) I forgot to credit Sania with the designation of Satan's concubine for Caroline -- Sorry! (That was why there was that unexplained asterisk, if anyone noticed.) To avoid confusion, I'll be using this color in my chapter heading whenever Lindsey is narrating; other colors for other characters ~ Kate

My brother dropped me off at Lizzy, Jen, and Kristy's Tudor-style townhouse on his way to work late Sunday morning.

"Come in and just say hi," I urged him.

"No -- I'd rather not."

"Oh, come on, Will -- she's not going to eat you."

"I know that," he replied sharply. "But I can't stop -- I'll be late."

"You have more than half an hour."

"I have things to do."

"Such as?" I asked archly. He didn't have anything to do.

"I have to go to the bank."

"It's Sunday, Will."

"The ATM."

I sighed and got out of the car. "You are such a wimp."

"Have a nice time."

"You'll pick me up later?"

"Yeah, look for me a little after seven." My brother drove off.

Jen opened the door for me. "Come in, Lindsey," she greeted warmly. "Liz is already salivating over the movie covers."

I smiled and followed the taller woman into the apartment.

"Lizzy," Jen called. "Lizzy! stop drooling and help me with this!"

Elizabeth sighed and joined us in the kitchen. Jen handed her a large plate of Oreos. Obviously, it was not quite going to be a day filled with 'nutritious balanced meals.' Oh well, chocolate is underestimated.

Jen Benedict is the closest thing to human perfection that has ever been achieved. She is unerringly generous, sensible, patient, and thoughtful. Her long, wavy, light brown hair is never ever out of place. Her features and figure are perfectly proportioned and classical. No wonder Bing Charleston has spent the latter part of his life drooling over her.

"Is Carley coming?" I asked her. "And where's Kristy?"

"Bing called me earlier -- Carley won't be able to come. Elliot and Irene decided to make a sudden change in the music selections, so Carley had to call an emergency rehearsal," Jen sighed. "I hate to say it, but I can't help feeling that the Bath-Waters are taking advantage of her. And Kristy has been shut up in the office with Andy since breakfast -- they're going over work from college and this summer's classes."

"Oh, that's right," I said. "They're starting their MBA classes soon aren't they?"

"Two weeks. I think they're going to wreck the printer." Jane grimaced as she heard her middle sister shriek in the room next door. Andrew Dennison uttered a groan followed by an loud explicative.

I heard Lizzy open the door to the office. "Maltreatment of the equipment will not make it behave, children."

"Okay, Liz, you tell us what will," Andrew retorted.

"I don't know, maybe a crowbar," Lizzy replied impishly.

"Wait, wait -- I think I've got it, Andy," Kristy said. "No. Yes. Nooo... Yes! Um, wait. No. Yes...? Umm... just a second. Okay... there we go... I think."

Lizzy closed the door and returned to the kitchen. "I think we better keep Andrew away from the heavy tools," she chuckled.

"Well, Lizzy, you were the one giving him ideas," Jen reminded her.

"Ahhh..." Liz turned to me reproachfully, changing the subject. "So Will brought you?"

"Well, yes, of course..."

"And he's picking you up?"

"Yes..." I sighed. This was shaping up to be another of Lizzy's "get-yourself-a-car" lectures.

"And when Will can't take you somewhere and he's using his car?"

"Then I ask Colin or you or Jen," I mumbled wearily. "Or I take the bus. Or I just walk, if possible."

"Exactly. You --"

I cut her off. "Elizabeth. I don't want a car. And I don't need a car! Maybe it's a bit inconvenient at times, but not nearly enough to compensate for the cost and the gas and the parking and the maintenance and..."

Liz was about to say something when Jen interrupted. "You've been over this before. Many, many times," she said sweetly. "Leave it alone, Elizabeth. Not everyone has to think as you do."

Liz loves her car, a red 1988 Ford she bought when she was a junior in college. She finds it impossible that I can be twenty-three and a half, independent, and employed -- and not want my own car. Personally, I am entirely content to drive Will's car or get a ride from him or Colin or one of the Benedicks.

"If you're having some computer problems, Will can look at it when he comes to pick me up," I offered as we followed Jen into the living room.

Liz pursed her lips. "No offense, Lindsey, but I would rather not be beholden to your brother --"

"Oh, Lizzy! You wouldn't be beholden! What nonsense you talk!"

"-- And I am quite sure that he wouldn't like being obliged to do anything for me."

"Lizzy..." I sighed.

Elizabeth's lips twitched with amusement. "After all... I am not attractive enough to tempt him."

"What?!?"

"Jen is," Lizzy continued. "Just enough. But I am only tolerable."

I could tell Liz was amused, not insulted; nevertheless I was mystified.

"What are you talking about, Lizzy?" I saw a devious glint in her dark eyes. "My brother didn't say that, did he?" I demanded.

"He did indeed," she replied with a grin.

"Oh, Lizzy, I am sure he could not have said anything like that," Jen protested. "You must have been mistaken, perhaps he was speaking of... merchandise."

Lizzy let out a shriek of laughter. "Merchandise named Elizabeth Benedict?"

"Well..."

"I can't believe he would say such a thing about you," I said, puzzled.

Liz shrugged. "Don't worry about it, Lindsey -- I'm not offended. It's just Will."

"Yes, but..."

"Hey, I don't hold it against you, trust me."

"But Lizzy! He doesn't think that you are 'only tolerable'. He thinks you're beautiful."

"Huh?" Liz dropped a jug of apple cider. Jen stuck out her foot to dull the impact just before it hit the floor. Both cider and floor survived unscathed. "Will thinks I'm beautiful?!?!? How did that happen?"

"Umm..." I fumbled. A devious gleam appeared in the deep olive green flecks of Lizzy's dark eyes. "Wellllllllllll..."

"Huh. He thinks I'm beautiful. How fascinating..."

Whoops. I wondered what kind of devilment Lizzy was plotting.

Liz stood with her hands on her hips and shook back her waist-length brown-black curls. "Because considering the way he's treated me, you would never have thought that, would you, Lindsey? Jen?"

"Perhaps not," said Jen gently. I gave Lizzy a tentative little smile and hoped to drop through the floorboards. It didn't happen.

"Well now, what might that mean?" asked Lizzy sarcastically.

"He's shy?" I squeaked.

"Maybe not," Liz retorted. "You know that as well as I do, Linz."

"Ahhh..."

"How do you know this, Lindsey?"

"OhumwellIheardhimsaysotoColinbutactuallyIdon'tthinkthatreallyahhhhhhhhhh..."

Lizzy looked critically at me for a moment, then flopped onto the couch and began to laugh, shaking her head. "Who would have ever thought this would be?"

Jen had been gazing at Lizzy with no small amount of alarm. "How about we start the movies now," she suggested persuasively.

Liz raised an eyebrow at her older sister. "Very well, Jenny." Jen ignored Lizzy's sarcastic, pointed use of the nickname.

Jen put on Sense and Sensibility, since Kristy didn't like it as much as Pride and Prejudice. We had watched Persuasion and the second two Emmas for last month's Austen-film festival.

As I sat curled up on a living room chair watching the movie, I was preoccupied with worries about my revelations about Will to Lizzy.

Edward Ferrars sat one of the Dashwood sisters' needlepoint.

"Done!" Jen, Elizabeth, and I turned our heads toward the office door at Kristen's happy exclamation. Consequently we were treated to an interesting scene.

"Left. No, sorry, I mean right. No -- just two steps. Okay. Now you have to go through the door," Kristy directed. Andrew Dennison carried two large file boxes stacked one on top of the other, blocking his view. Kristy had her hands on his back, steering his progress rather erratically as she tried to peek around him and the boxes. "You better slow down a little. Slooooooooowly."

"Right," said Andrew absently.

"What in the world are the two of you doing?" Liz laughed.

"Okay, Andy, I think somewhere around here there are a few steps -- Eeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!" Kristy shrieked as Andy missed the short staircase and tripped. The boxes toppled over upside-down and onto their sides, strewing the carefully arranged papers across the living room floor. Andy lay sprawled across the floor, draped over the boxes and across the four stairs that separated the office from the living room door. Kristy tumbled on top of him.

Jen rushed over to help. "Are you two all right?" she asked, alarmed.

"Mumph," Kristy said into Andrew's shirt. She clambered off of Andy, pressing her hand into his back in the process, which provoked an anguished "ARGH" from that quarter. "Sorry," said Kristen meekly.

Andy rolled onto his back and blinked dazed blue eyes at Jen. "Pain," he commented briefly.

"Would you like me to get you some ice?" Jen offered anxiously.

"Naaaaaaahhhh." Andy rose to his knees rather messily and began picking up papers. Kristy finished the vigorous rubbing of her knees and elbows and joined him. Jen concluded that if they would not take ice they should at least drink some ice water, and Lizzy and I exchanged bemused glances over the crawling Kristen and Andrew.

"Only in this family," Liz muttered as she replaced the battered and bashed boxes. I picked little pieces of Oreos, which had been knocked to the floor by Andy, out of the rug. Returning with the water, Jen next looked intently at Andy, seeming to be checking for signs of blood in his short sandy hair.

Kristy frowned at the hastily packed boxes of papers. "They're all out of order now. We could get them organized again if you want. Why don't you stay for lunch; it was my fault anyway."

Andrew looked up at her and rose from the floor, dusting off his blue shirt. "Thanks," he hesitated, "but it's okay. I'll do it myself -- you've got this thing planned; you wouldn't want to miss that. And I should have been paying more attention anyway. Well, I'll see you later."

"You're going now?" Jen asked, who in her usual maternal way seemed to be worried that the capably functioning Andy might faint on his way home, or at least become disoriented.

"Yeahhh... I've got some stuff to do anyway, and you girls are doing your little thing --" Liz, Kristy, and I rolled our eyes "-- Don't worry, Jenny, I'll be fine." He leaned back into the family room. "Bye, Kristy -- maybe I'll call you later tonight, okay?" With that Andrew Dennison exited the apartment.

Kristy smiled and shook her head indulgently. "Odd boy."

"Exactly, that's why you two suit each other well," Lizzy teased. "Both completely nuts."

"Heyyyy... but trust me Liz, together Andy and I can get at least three times as much stuff done than we ever could in any study group we were in during college. By the middle of junior year we gave up on them entirely and just worked together."

"Just got to try to avoid those freak accidents. And I don't want my printer murdered by a impatient twenty-two year old male!"

Kristen laughed. "I'll keep him from harming it, Lizzy."

"And yourselves."

"Might be a bit more difficult."

"That appears likely."

At quarter to seven, the doorbell rang. "That must be Will," I said, surprised. "He's not supposed to be here for another half an hour, though -- and it's usually so busy Sunday evenings; I can't imagine why they'd want him to go home early..."

Lizzy assumed an unconcerned and haughty attitude as Jen went to answer the door. I noticed and sunk down in my chair, remembering my prior indiscretion. Kristy stared at her sister in puzzlement.

Instead of my brother, Colin's tall, stringbean figure followed Jen into the living room.

"You again?" I exclaimed.

"Me again!" he grinned at me. "The Wesley Taxi Service, but since I can see you don't want me, I'll be on my way."

"Of course I want you."

"You know," said Colin, looking contemplatively at the ceiling, "I get that a lot from women," he finished, causing a collective groan.

"What happened to Will?"

"Your brother," he said, shaking his head. "Your brother. You know, I --" he stopped. "I don't know what's happened to Will. The man has lost his mind somewhere between Buffalo and North Syracuse, and that takes in a lot of distance."

"Aaaand...?" I arched an eyebrow at Colin.

"Aaaand... he mistook a nine for a seven apparently, so that's why I'm here."

I tilted my head towards the ceiling and sighed. "Niagara Falls and Albany," I told Colin.

"Eh, you think it's that bad?"

"Uh-huh."

"A few more weeks and we might be moving towards Long Island... and possibly even into the Canadian border."

"Hmm... we should really intervene before it gets through customs. Save him from himself. After that it might be impossible."

"Certainly. ...But do you really think Canadian officials would let Will's sanity through customs?"

"Good point."

The two oldest Benedicts, accustomed to these sort of exchanges between me and Colin, did not seem to find anything out of the ordinary. Kristen looked a bit doubtful, but amused.

"So, Colin?" asked Lizzy.

"Yes, Elizabeth?"

"Exactly why is Will's sanity at stake?"

Colin grew wary. "Just stress... Well, ready Lindsey? I'm sorry to shoot out of here so fast, but I've got ice cream in the car."

I groaned. "You would."

"Jen, Lizzy... Kristy..." Colin paused thoughtfully, then suddenly turned and exited with me in tow, inducing us to contemplate the abruptness of male comings and goings in the Benedict apartment today.

"So, Lindsey, have fun?" Colin asked as we drove to my house.

"Yeah... um, Colin?"

"What?"

"I... I think Lizzy... well, not so good things happened in the Will department..."

"Eh?" Colin looked up from adjusting the radio tuner.

"Mmm... I sort of told her Will finds her attractive... and..."

"Ahh, don't worry about it. Lots of men find Liz attractive. I do," he added cheerfully.

"Colin..."

"What? Do I not count as well?"

"I think you count twice."

"Heh! Meaning?"

I gave him a pointed look.

"What? I like women."

Johnny take a walk with your sister the moon
Let her pale light in to fill up your room
You've been living underground
Eating from a can
You've been running away
From what you don't understand...
Love*

"No kidding."

"Oh, come on, Lindsey," he protested. "And you don't even know --" he stopped and turned the volume up on the radio.

She's slippy
You're sliding down
She'll be there when you hit the ground

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't even know the worst of it, do I?"

Colin paused before answering. "Well... why does there have to be a 'worst'?" I was silent. "Hey, want to eat my ice cream with me?"

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways

This provoked a small smile. "What kind?"

"Chocolate chip."

"Okay -- provided you don't do anything weird with it like Will does."

"Define weird."

Johnny take a dive with your sister in the rain
Let her talk about the things you can't explain
To touch is to heal
To hurt is to steal
If you want to kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel

"Strawberry syrup on chocolate chip ice cream."

"Not my thing."

"Good."

(On your knees boy)

She's the wave
She turns the tide
She sees the man inside the child

"I do, however, like to mash it around so it assumes a sort of half melted, half frozen state."

"I think I can deal with that."

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Lift my days, light up my nights

"You should try it, it's fun -- you can make all these little hills and shapes, really play around. It's like small-scale snow sculpting."

"Aren't you ever going to grow up?"

One day you will look...back
And you'll see...where
You were held...how
By this love...while
You could stand...there
You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling

"So you're implying that I'm not?"

"I really don't know. Occasionally you seem more like four than nearly twenty-four... and there are times you act like a seventeen year old," I said sarcastically.

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

"See, this is what you say. But you know you still like me."

"You're so impossible... for me to dislike."

*Mysterious Ways, U2

Interlude: Just One Kiss

Posted on Wednesday, 1 November 2000

Seven years ago...

Lindsey Fitzdarcy, sixteen, swung slowly back and forth on the playground in back of the town library. Her feet dragged across the silt underneath the swing, her face was turned upward. The expression in her eyes and faint smile-frown revealed her day-dreamy state of mind. Abruptly, into the neighboring swing dropped a figure clad in wet sneakers, grass stained jeans, and a sweatshirt streaked with sweat and mud.

"Hey, what's up, Spanky," it greeted cheerily.

Lindsey turned and blushed, distinctly pleased. "Colin..." she smiled.

The assistant pee-wee football coach nudged a pile of books with his foot. "These yours?"

"Yeah, I --"

Colin leaned over and transferred the books from the wet grass to a pile of leaves. "Fitzgerald. Nice," he commented. "English independent reading?"

"Yes. I was originally doing Nathanael West, but I traded. He was so depressing... and so..." Lindsey wrinkled her nose thoughtfully. "So disillusioning." Blue-gray eyes directed a serious look at her. "I don't like being disillusioned," Lindsey defended.

Again the searching look. "I know," said Colin calmly. Lindsey frowned and looked at the ground. "I did Fitzgerald too," he added. "I almost put down Charles Brockden Brown for first choice -- the spontaneous combustion thing was intriguing -- but then I thought naaahhh, I don't like the Edgar Allen Poe kind of stuff too much. Well, you know Fitzgerald isn't going to be a merry Sunday picnic in the park either, so... whatcha starting with?"

"This Side of Paradise.

"So'd I." Colin attempted to brush bits of grass out of his light brown hair and succeeded in streaking yet more mud across his forehead.

Lindsey smirked and made a face. "How did you get that dirty just coaching?"

Colin grinned. "Actually, the kids left nearly an hour ago. Post-game coaches' scrimmage. There were some other guys too, of course. My team won," he added happily. "Of course." Colin had quit scholastic sports after freshman year -- not enough time due to accelerated classes and other activities, and in the case of football, "not enough weight." He satisfied his love of football, baseball, hockey, basketball, and lacrosse by coaching and refereeing for younger teams and summer sports camps.

"I see." They drifted briefly into silence. The wistful, dreamy look reappeared on Lindsey's face. Colin frowned in perplexity. "You know, there was something I was going to ask you," he muttered.

"What?"

"Can't remember. Huh..." Colin frowned, then brightened. "Oh yeah! Got a date for the prom?"

Lindsey blinked. "Nooo... it's only October."

"Yeah, true. I probably never had a date until two weeks before, I think. No wait -- did I have a date? Oh yeah! I went with Lizzy. We planned that early in the year, now I remember. That was great, not really a date at all, 'cause we were just friends, so we could both do pretty much what ever we wanted."

Lindsey rolled her eyes, muttering "So many girls, so little time."

"Yeah, thank you, missy. I'm offering myself as back-up plan A."

"How flattering."

"What? Probably won't happen anyway."

"Mmmm..." Lindsey murmured. She scuffled her shoe in the silt under the swing. Dejected, frustrated -- he just had to be such an older brother, always. Why couldn't he --

Catching something in her tone and expression, Colin turned and looked at her. "Yes?"

"...Nothing."

"No?"

Lindsey wrinkled her nose, fidgeted, blushed and looked down. "Mmmm... hmm. I... aaaah."

"Very explicit, my dear."

Lindsey screwed up her face and blushed again. To tell him, of all people... the idea was not appealing. And yet... As Colin watched patiently, she sighed, rolled her eyes in exasperation, and finally gave in. "I've never been kissed," she said matter-of-factly.

"Ahha. So that's what all those gyrations were about." Colin looked at her levelly. "There are worse things," he said solemnly.

She began swinging frantically "Well, yesssss... but..."

"I don't see why it's so terrible," said Colin nonchalantly, watching her energetically increase altitude. "All the same, I suppose it does surprise me a bit."

Lindsey put her foot on the ground to stop and nearly tumbled off the swing. "Really?" she demanded doubtfully.

"Sure."

Lindsey leaned against the swing chain. "Hmmm."

"Hmm."

Lindsey began pivoting nervously back and forth on the swing, unconscious of Colin's deliberating gaze. Suddenly she looked up, green eyes met blue. "Yeah?"

Colin stood up. "Come here."

"What?"

Colin leaned down -- smelled lavender soap -- knew he smelled of sweat and at best, crushed grass -- hoped she wouldn't mind -- hoped she wouldn't want to kill him for this whole thing -- figured it was too late to back out... kissed her.

Lindsey looked up at him, dazed. She found she had trouble meeting his eyes; she knew she was blushing deeply. "I -- Thank you," she said desperately. Colin bit back a small laugh.

"No problem," he replied pleasantly.

Lindsey nodded. Her knees seemed dangerously unsteady. She was lost for a moment, then decided, "I ah... I'm going to go... home now."

"Okay. If you wait about fifteen minutes, I can take you home. No, shoot, I didn't drive today. But we might as well walk together; I've just got to look for something at the library."

"Ummm... no thank you. I'm just going to walk... now..." She started off.

"Books?" reminded Colin, handing them to her.

"Oh! Oh, thank you..."

"You go that way," he noted gently.

"What?"

"Your house -- it's that way."

"Right. Um... bye, Colin." Lindsey plunged with desperate rapidity across the fields. Bemused, Colin watched her, then sat down the swing, picked up a stick, and began scraping mud off his sneakers.

Once past the library property, Lindsey slowed her pace to an abstracted, dreamy speed. She tilted her head back and watched the sky, oblivious to other pedestrians and cars.

I don't know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never want to let you go
'Cause you started something, can't you see
That ever since we met you've had a hold on me

It happens to be true
I only want to be with you

It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
I wanna spend each moment of the day with you
Look what has happened with just one kiss
I never knew that I could be in love like this

It's crazy but it's true
I only want to be with you

I Only Want to Be With You, Mike Hawker, Ivor Raymond

Part 4: Real Work

Posted on Monday, 27 November 2000

"Hey, Lindsey, did you hear about your brother's defensive tactics yesterday?" I asked her as we drove to work one morning.

"No...you mean in regards to Carol Ann?"

"Yep, it was great!" I replied gleefully. "I mean, you would have thought it was a reenactment of World War I trench warfare or something. He even hid in the freezer room during his lunch because he had it at the same time as Carol. Only my opinion, but that is seriously desperate. Another hour and he probably would have started building fortifications out of jars of applesauce."

Lindsey regarded me coolly out of dark hazel green eyes. "Well, not quite, but it was bad," I amended.

"I can imagine...Will never told me any of this, but then that's hardly surprising." She smiled. "Although Colin...you were the one who choked -- literally -- because of Carol, the Saturday before last, was it?"

"Hey!" I said defensively. "She's scary! I haven't been that terrified since eighth grade when Louisa Musgrove was stalking me."

"Yes, I remember that well," Lindsey smirked.

I glared at her, then, more seriously, began, "Lindsey... Will is really falling apart. I mean, between Carol Ann coming back and -- ahhhh... yeah, well, he's got a lot on his mind I suppose..."

"Colin?" Lindsey asked me. "What's the other thing?"

"Ahhh..." I hedged, "no single thing really. Just stress," I said, reiterating my answer to Elizabeth Benedict on the Austen-fest Sunday.

Lindsey looked vaguely disappointed. (Hmmm... a good sign?) "Okay... I thought maybe... never mind."

I watched her thoughtfully. If Lindsey agreed with me, that would make things infinitely easier. Excellent. Hmmm... now where might she come in? I was assailed by doubts as to whether I should be trying to engineer this thing at all. I certainly knew that neither of the principles concerned would be pleased with me if they knew what I was doing. But then, if I didn't at least try to do something, it seemed likely nothing would ever happen. And after all, what would be the harm in trying? The worst thing that could happen, I reasoned, would be no change at all.

"Oh, I've got some more news for you," I recalled as we entered the store. "And I think everyone will find his return considerably more welcome than Carol's -- Lou Micelli is coming back."

"Ah, good. I like Lou," Lindsey smiled.

"ARGH! I hate Lou!!!" exploded a voice behind us. Lindsey and I whirled around to face a very peeved Carley Charleston. As we stared at her, she stormed past, heels clicking indignantly against the floor. "Arrogant, self-important jerk," she muttered.

"What's with her?" I questioned.

Lindsey shrugged. "Not a clue."

"Mmm-hmm. Well, they offered Lou the Service Manager position in Princeton, but he decided to come back so he could be closer to his kids now that everything's running smoothly down there."

Lindsey nodded. "When's he coming back?"

"I think sometime next week." Lou had been transferred to New Jersey a few months ago to help get a new store started. He's about thirty-three, divorced with two small children, and notwithstanding Carley's censure, a generally nice guy.

"That'll be good for George," Lindsey added. "He's been really overloaded." George Knight is the Front-End Manager of the store, our direct supervisor. Before his transfer, Lou was one of the Service Team Leaders, George's second in command. A step above George is Chris Branford, the Service Manager. It's a curious hierarchy, but it works.

"And good for Julie, too," I added as she walked past. Julie Bedwell is another Team Leader -- which means she gets to boss me around. Trust me, it's a privilege she exercizes thoroughly and often.

"What's good for me?" she demanded suspiciously.

"Lou is coming back."

"Ah, that will be good. Of course, providing he hasn't gotten cocky and forgotten who's really in charge here..."

"George?" I hazarded.

"Me."

"'Course."

"Don't mess with Julie," Lindsey reminded me, unnecessarily.

"I know!"

"You know, Colin..." Julie began deviously, "this morning it's me, Liz, Carly, Linz...you're the only guy in here until this afternoon."

"Ack! What've you all got planned for me??!?!!!"

"You get to do all the stuff we don't want to do," said Lindsey cheerfully.

"Right," agreed Julie. "For example, you see that coffee spill over there?" I nodded warily. Julie continued, "It's waiting for you."

"Seriously?"

"You better believe it."

"Where are the maintenance guys?"

"They're all busy doing REAL WORK somewhere else in the store. ...The mop is right here, Mr. Wesley..."

"Okay, okay! I'm going! ...By the way... did I tell you, you look lovely this morning, Julie?"

"GO!"

"As always, of course," I grinned, walking backward.

"Colin..."

"Julie..."

"I'm a good five years older than you -- "

"So what?"

" -- and I'm married" she finished, brandishing her wedding ring at me.

"Oh yeah...Wait, he's an engineer, right? Come on, I can take an engineer!" Lindsey giggled again.

"Run along," said Julie patiently.

I gave up and turned around, nearly colliding with Kristen Benedict, who smiled up at me. "Trying charm your way out of doing real work, Colin?"

"Mea culpa." I looked at her. As I've said before, she's improved vastly in the last few years since coming out from behind the shadow of her younger sister Lynda (UGH!). ...And now that I think of it, remarkably pretty...light brown eyes, golden-brown hair...hmmm...As I mopped, she continued to talk to me in her cute, cheerful, high voice.

"Hey, know what?" she exclaimed after a few minutes conversation.

"Yeah?"

"I got promoted! Well, sorta."

"How sorta?"

"Well, some days I'll still be in the accounting office, but more days I'm running."

"Yeah? Great!"

"Andy got promoted too; he's going to be managing most days too, officially, not just when they need someone extra."

"I bet you're glad to get out of the accounting office."

"Yeah... I did a cartwheel when I found out," Kristy admitted. I grinned. It was so like her. "It drives them crazy," she confided. "They hate me because I'm so nice. I swear."

"I believe you," I said grimly. Most of the people in the accounting office are pretty snippety. "Ever seen Kim's imitations of some of them? It's quality stuff, I've got to say. And Kate says that she knocks, waits a few minutes, knocks again, and when they finally open it, they yell at her for knocking twice, even though, as Kate absolutely insists, no one has been doing much anyway."

Kristy smiled. "That's true. And they really don't like me. They hate that I keep being nice no matter what they do."

"Hey, you've got to be mean every now and then! You know, give a little of what you take."

Kristy shook her head. "No, that wouldn't work. Just make it worse, probably. Besides, I can't!"

"You can't?!? You have some kind of block? Just have to be nice?!?!?"

"Hey, sorry, but I'm not going to be like them. They're so spiteful and malicious...And just because it's the accounting office doesn't mean many reasonably intelligent people work there. I mean, Lynda is in there sometimes." She stopped and looked guilty. "I shouldn't say that, there are some people -- no, maybe a lot, I don't know -- who are fine. It's just those few that get to me, I guess." She made a wry face. "Hey, Colin, I guess I can be mean! That sounded pretty spiteful and malicious to me..."

"No! You're right, don't feel bad."

Kristy looked over my shoulder and touched me on the arm. "Hey, you better go answer that light." She pointed.

I sighed. "Fine..."

As she went back into the accounting office, Kristy called over her shoulder, "Real work."

After taking care of a small credit card problem, I joined Julie at the runners' desk. "Hey, did you see who was talking to me?" I demanded.

"Nice," she replied, looking over the schedule.

"She always stops and talks to me!"

"Mmm-hmm..." Julie erased a name from the task list and replaced it. Really, she could pretend at least a little more interest.

"And I'm just thinking, 'Marry me,'" I finished, loudly. (So, you think you can make me shut up by ignoring me, do you, Julie?)

"You? Marry?" asked Lindsey sarcastically, who had apparently heard the entire one-sided conversation between me and Julie. I hadn't seen her.

"Hey, some day, hon."

"I'll be waiting," she retorted coolly.

"So critical this morning..." Lindsey ignored me, walking towards the nether-region of the single-digit registers, most of them reserved this morning for Ben Palmer's training class. I trotted after her, with the vague hope that she may be heading towards "Real Work." Julie had been giving me quite a persistent glare. "She's pretty, isn't she?" I asked thoughtfully. "Kristy, I mean."

"Very," said Lindsey shortly.

"Hi Lindsey, Colin." Ben sat on the back of register 3, swinging his legs and shuffling through some papers.

"Nice tie, Ben," Lindsey replied. Everyone remarks on Ben's ties, which are highly original, to say the least.

Ben grinned and rubbed his hands gleefully. "New trainee group today. Fresh blood."

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "Well, don't scare 'em right away. We save that for later, when it's too late to escape."

"Boys, boys, boys," said Lindsey, collecting the reshops from the last few terminals and putting them in a shopping basket. "When are they coming?"

"It starts at nine, so just about ten minutes or so." Ben looked through his stack of papers. "Whoa, this is a big group -- six -- I might need Carol Ann's help some days," he added with a resigned sigh.

"Have fun," I told him, following Lindsey to the nearby reshop area.

"This is a mess," she said, shaking her head at the wire bin. "Who did this?" She began separating the contents into the proper compartments. "Soap does not go in the cereal bin! This is ridiculous!"

"Okay okay, calm down."

Lindsey took several items out of the bin and put them in a shopping cart, shoving it towards me with what I considered to be unnecessary force. What did I do??!? "Go reshop these perishables. I can't believe someone made such a mess out of this!"

"Hey, it happens a lot. Relax."

"Shut up!"

"Sorry?"

"You're making me nervous. Stop saying 'Relax, calm down,'" she mimicked me sarcastically and not very happily.

Oh dear. What did I do??!?!!!!!

"Okayyyy...well, you know that it isn't terribly unusual for the reshop area to be disorganized..."

"Yeah, when it's really busy and everyone is working and on weekends and before Thanksgiving and maybe if there's really important football that afternoon --" (WHAT is she talking about?!???) " -- and... picnic days... or grilling days -- " (???!!??) " -- and...you know, days like that. No excuse whatsoever this morning. Look at everyone! Half the cashiers aren't even busy now; there are definitely enough people doing reshops, I saw the schedule."

"I don't know, maybe it was Carol. She would do something like that, especially if she's in a snit for some reason -- hey, with her there usually isn't a reason. You're taking care of it now, so it's fine. Okay? I'm going to take these back."

"Thanks, Colin," Lindsey mumbled, resorting the reshops feverishly. (At least she wasn't talking so fast anymore.) I set off, hoping Lindsey's testy mood (whatever had caused it) would have dissipated by the time I returned.

When, with not a little trepidation, I came back to the reshop area, Michelle was helping (and calmly,might I add) Lindsey return the bins to some semblance of order and sort the reshops into carts and baskets to be taken back. As Shem, a college freshman, is a competent and (usually) rational person, I decided that the spontaneous combustion of Lindsey would not be in order. I consider that a good thing.

Ben's trainees were receiving their summer uniform shirts from the accounting office. The last in line was highly indignant to discover that only the pink shirts were left. Not just pink, but bright, electric, Carol Ann's second favorite color pink. He turned to a girl with a neon green shirt. "Can't you trade with me?" he whined. She shook her head no, biting back a smirk. I decided to be helpful and intervene.

"Hey, suck it up! Real men aren't afraid to wear pink!"

Lindsey poked her head around the corner, laughing. "Like you, Colin?" she asked, looking pointedly at my bright blue shirt.

Hmmm. Granted, though I had several years of Wegmans T-shirts, not one was pink. I thought for a minute. "Well... you know... only as a last resort." I turned to the boy again. "Summer uniforms are only for another week or two anyway."

"And then what?" he asked doubtfully.

"Well, you wear your white uniform shirt --"

"With the little black buttons?"

"Yes," I said patiently. "And the black apron. I crack out my ties and dress shirts again."

"Woohoo," said Lindsey around the corner.

"'Scuse me?" I asked. She shook her head and smiled very sweetly. (Be worried!)

"Oh." Ben herded his class to the grand tour of the store.

I peered around the corner. "So... you've decided you like me again?" I asked Lindsey with a smile.

"Wellll..."

"I'll like you too if you don't make me go back outside," said Shem, beaming at me hopefully.

"You're doing Helping Hands this morning?"

"Yeah. But Richard thought Lindsey looked like she needed some help, and it's pretty slack outside, so he sent me in." The Helping Hands collect carts from the parking lot, walk customers who need help to their cars, load groceries for the drive-up service, and basically try to keep the parking lot in order. (Ha!)

"Richard is managing outside?" I asked.

"Yep, Sean has the day off... he probably wouldn't have let me come in, but Richard said "Sure!'"

"Ahhhh...so coming is was your idea, was it, Michelle?"

"Um. Well, Lindsey needed help! And Richard said I could! Actually, I was helping him direct, mostly, but trust me, he has it under control, it isn't busy at all, they have more than enough people out there, and..."

"Richard is spoiling you guys," I grumbled. "Now they think I'm mean 'cause they're comparing me to him."

"Colin?" said Lindsey.

"Yes?"

"Stop whining."

"...Yes."

"It's nice out now, but it's supposed to be really hot and humid and icky this afternoon," Shem explained. "And it's all fifteen year olds out there today!"

"So much the better, I would have thought you would like that. They're all in awe of you. Hey, especially if you're helping Richard manage -- you get to be boss lady. That's fun, right?"

"Please, Colin? Pleeeeeeeease?"

"Well..." I considered. "The Service Desk could use another person this morning, don't you think, Lindsey?" Michelle is a very versatile person.

"Oh, yes, I think so," she agreed, darting an comprehending look at me. Lindsey always understands what I mean. I love it.

"Aaaand...we have a few too many people on register now, maybe... Billy could replace Shem outside..."

"Yes!" exclaimed Elizabeth emphatically, who had just joined us. "He just came less than an hour ago -- LATE! AGAIN!!! -- and he's already driving me crazy. He doesn't know how to do ANYTHING!!! And he keeps making me come over because he doesn't know what the produce is. 'These are CUCUMBERS! No, NOT green squash, cucumbers!!!! CUCUMBERS!!!!!!!! Code number 4062 -- no, Billy, you can't scan it, sorry. That's only the WRAPPED CUCUMBERS. You can tell the difference because those DO have a sticker on them, and, oh yeah, they are WRAPPED in plastic. No! NO! No, Billy, there isn't weight on CUCUMBERS!!!!!!!! It's QUANTITY. You have to COUNT them!!! COUNT!!! Personally, I believe there are three; you may have other ideas. Wouldn't recommend it, though.' Get that BOY outside!"

I gazed at Elizabeth with no small amount of alarm (and possibly just a bit of terror). "Calm thoughts, calm thoughts," I told her anxiously. Hopefully Lizzy wouldn't find the idea of calmness and relaxation as repugnant as Lindsey had. "All right, Shem, that's fine, you can work Service Desk."

Shem shrieked happily and hugged me. (Let it never be said that Shem's repertoire of competencies does not include a distinct talent for shrieking. Loudly.) "Thank you!!!!!!!!!!" she chirped. "I love you!"

"Yeah, yeah, now you owe me," I called after her, though I doubt she heard me as she was nearly at the Service Desk.

I next very firmly put (almost physically, for Heaven's sake) Billy Burg outside, who whined piteously in protest and said I was "mean." (Tough.) "My mother will be very upset with you!" he contended. (Billy is twenty.)

Elizabeth watched, gloating. "Out you go, Billy! Have fun! Maybe we'll let you back in after you take your lunch! But I bet you really want to stay out all day..." she waved him off triumphantly. Gotta love a girl who's so open with her vengeance.

"Problem is," I told Liz, "if he dents someone's car with a shopping cart or something similarly stupid, we're gonna get sued."

"I'll risk it," she shrugged. "Cheaper than my sanity. I think Richard will be able to keep him under control anyway." Liz paused and looked at me critically. "Hey, Colin, can you do me a huge favor? Please?"

"What do you need?"

Elizabeth looked doubtful. "It's a sort of strange request...but there is a good reason behind it, I swear."

I was becoming slightly worried. On the other hand, it might be a breakthrough in the Willis J. Fitzdarcy department...hmmm...

"Can you just go and flirt with my sister for a few minutes? Please?"

I blinked. Not quite expecting that. "What?!?"

"It's work related!" Lizzy exclaimed.

"Kristy?" I asked hopefully.

"Kristy? Oh no, the problem isn't there."

"I am not flirting with Lynda," I interrupted flatly.

"Lynda?!?!?! Oh, no, no... Good God, why would I deliberately send someone to flirt with Lynda? She does quite enough on her own... well, much more than flirting, really..." Elizabeth's forehead began to pucker with worry.

"Ummm...why do you want me to flirt with Jen?" I inquired dubiously.

This time Elizabeth blinked. "Jen? When did I say anything about Jen?"

"Well, I assumed -- noooo...Lizzy...you can't mean --"

"Myra? Yes."

"Myra hates me!"

"Well," Lizzy began apologetically.

"Yes?"

"Try?"

"Nope. It ain't gonna work, missy."

"Please? Colin?"

"Hey, it's her, not me. She accuses me of promoting a 'fraudulent science.'"

Elizabeth thought this out. "What?"

"Economics. She insists that it's merely sociological fluff, not at all a real science. In her opinion, almost as bad as statistics and even" I lowered my voice, "political science. I insist that obviously, she has a dreadful misconception about economics that she simply refuses to do away with."

Liz shook her head. "Myra..." The second youngest Benedict sister is a junior at Rochester Institute of Technology, double majoring in organic chemistry and something else I don't even remember, just that I don't understand it. Myra had always hoped to go to a big name science school like MIT or CalTech, but she persistently denied the value of all subjects except those she deemed to be 'scientific.' Although she did have good grades in all subjects, Lizzy told me the quality of her college essays (They made her WRITE??? How DARE they!!!) alone would have been enough to keep her from being accepted to the first tier schools. As it was, she only just squeaked into RIT. Mrya has never been a very errr... social person, but this experience only made her worse.

"Sooo...what's she doing this morning?" I inquired.

"The usual Myra stuff. Snapping at customers, glaring, being generally rude... not just to customers, either -- Julie told me she made Cathy Morrisland cry, and when she went to talk to her about it, Myra was rude to her as well. That was probably the last straw -- right after that Julie asked me to try to get Myra to snap out of it."

"I see...but I still don't understand where I come in."

Liz looked at me imploringly. "Please, Colin? Just go talk to her for a few minutes... you've got this way about you... you can make women smile, put them in a better mood, almost involuntarily."

I was about to protest that this useful faculty (if it even existed) would not work with Myra Benedict when Lizzy's last word struck my curiosity. "Involuntarily for who? Me or them?"

Liz grinned. "Heh...I was thinking them, but I don't know, sometimes I think it's involuntary for you, too. Natural. Like a reflex."

"Hmmm."

"Hmm. ...So, will you do it?"

"Liz!"

"Come on, Colin, what's the worst that can happen?"

"She will completely and utterly humiliate me? In front of lots of people, including those I am supposed to supervise and thus it would be advisable to maintain some of my dignity in front of them..."

"Really, Colin...."

"She will! She will! Lizzy, you have no idea -- she'll blow me off and make some snide comment and yell at me and I'll end up looking like the most ridiculous fool -- yes, I will, Lizzy. You know it."

"You're being ridiculous now, Colin. Stop being such a wimp. Just go talk to her, okay?"

"Lizzy! I tell you, she can't stand me! I'm not in any mood to have things thrown at me! It's just not that day!"

Elizabeth's argumentativeness abated for a moment as she smiled. "No, Colin... actually, I think it's Lindsey who's likely to be throwing things at you... at least that's what it seems like to me this morning..."

I rubbed my forehead. "Yeah, that's true," I muttered. (What did I do?!?)

"So see, it could be a lot worse. Myra will not throw anything at you, I swear. She'll just..." Liz sighed and gave up. "All right, fine, Myra will just completely and utterly humiliate you."

"You see?"

"Couldn't you just try?" she pleaded. "I have to do something with her. I swear, Julie is this close to sending her home. And she might give her a written warning for this -- I mean, she made Cathy Morrisland cry! That nice little girl... so it's not that I don't believe Myra deserves it, but..."

"Lizzy," I said gently. "It's not your problem. It's not your fault. And Lynda's behavior isn't your fault, either."

"But --"

It seemed something more serious was in question. Discreetly, I led Lizzy into a sheltered area along the wall.

"They are your sisters, I know. And you worry about them. But sometimes you just can't do anything about people. It will only frustrate you to try. Maybe it will even make the situation worse, maybe not. Just remember... no one sees their behavior as a reflection on you, or Jen, or Kristy."

"Yeah, that's what you think," Elizabeth said bitterly.

"Lizzy, I'm sure that no one -- no, Lizzy, that is what I know."

Liz looked unconvinced, but shifted the subject.

"Plus, they need these jobs. They need the money, my parents can't pay for everything themselves. Your parents are both doctors -- let's be honest, they have a lot more money than mine -- but you and Susan and Fletch still worked through college." Elizabeth closed her eyes and breathed deeply in frustration. "You have no idea how close both of them are to getting fired..."

"Would you like me to talk to her?" I asked. "I will if you want me to. I don't know how much I can do, maybe not much, but I'll try. Really. It's not a problem."

"...Naaah, you're right. She'll just make a fuss, create even more problems."

"Maybe someone else? Richard is outside, everyone likes Richard. Maybe he could..." I stopped, remembering. "Wait, never mind --"

"Myra detests even Richard, too," Liz finished gloomily. "I know."

"I'm afraid so. Doesn't this girl like anyone?"

Liz shook her head. "I'm beginning to think not..."

"Well, I'll keep an eye on her. Hey, maybe I can humiliate myself prominently, that might make her happy."

Liz laughed shakily. "Yes, it might."

I suspected that Elizabeth, consciously or not, had never intended me to mollify her sister, but instead needed to unburden a few worries. I leaned over. "Hey, are you okay?" I asked quietly.

Liz looked up at me and blushed. "Oh, fine. No problem."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry. Sorry I've wasted so much of your time..."

"Come on, did it really look like I was doing anything productive?"

She laughed, more heartily this time. "No, that's true."

Julie walked up to us. "I have to do some paperwork. Can two keep an eye on things while I'm in the office? Both Lindsey and Carly are busy with other things so you two will have to keep everything running."

Liz assumed Julie's place at the runners' desk while I went to answer the flashing light on register 10. Kate was eyeing her printer sourly. "Stuck. Again," she informed me succinctly.

I flipped open the printer. (Flipped perhaps implies too much easy -- this thing has to be pried.) "What are you doing to this thing?" I asked, taking out the icot slip that had gotten caught and realigning the gears of the printer.

"Me?" Kate exclaimed. "Colin! This is 10! The printer always does this stuff! It's possessed, I swear."

"All right. But gently, okay? This is what, the third time today I've had to fix this for you?"

"Yeah, but you have no idea how many times the slip wouldn't go through or I've had to do a reprint, all the demonic printer stuff."

"Gently."

Walking to the Service Desk, I discovered Kate was not the only one experiencing mechanical difficulties. Maureen Willard, Jack's younger sister was poised over her computer, hands outspread.

"Deep breath, restrain yourself from smashing it," I advised.

Mo looked up at me. "Hey, Colin." She glanced over my shoulder, watching Ben and his class pass by. "New training group, eh? I bet you anything those girls are going to be lusting after my brother as soon as he gets here," she smirked.

"They always do..." I replied.

"And for good reason," said an emphatic voice behind my back. Surprised, I turned to see Lindsey.

"Yeah?"

"Yes," she said very firmly.

"Oh," I remarked meekly. "Why, I wonder?"

Lindsey considered. "I think it's the almost-too-good-looking-for-his-own-good element."

"...oh. What element do I have?" I wondered.

Lindsey tilted her head and looked at me. "Easygoing but considerate charmer..." she concluded. She smiled and was gone as suddenly as she reappeared. I felt oddly relieved. It was comforting to know that Lindsey still thought well of me, despite whatever that had been this morning. (What did I do?)

I turned back to the Service Desk to find Mo watching me, in what looked like amusement. "Hey, whatcha smiling about?"

She shook her head. "Never mind."

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh really. Hey, I haven't seen you around in the last few weeks."

"I went home to Michigan for a few weeks before school started again."

"Ah, well I'm glad you're back. Missed you."

"I'm sure," said Mo with an amused look.

"You are very important in my life!" I insisted.

Mo laughed. "Yeah, along with how many others, Colin?"

"Hey, I resent that!"

She shook her head. "You are incorrigible."

"Last year of college, eh?" I asked.

Mo sighed. "Yes, but then years of Medical school... and that's just the beginning."

"Colin, pick up on 310," Lizzy announced.

Mo looked at me expectantly. I waved it off. "What are you planning to do?" I asked her.

"Pediatrics."

"My father is a pediatrician! My mother's a surgeon."

"Really? What kind?"

"Colin! Pick up on 310."

"Cardiology."

"Colin Wesley, pick up on 310 or come to the runners' desk," persisted Lizzy's impatient voice over the PA system.

"You better pick up," said Mo doubtfully.

"I will, just a sec," I reassured her. Suddenly I frowned as I thought of something. "Hey Mo..." I leaned over conspiratorially.

"Colin Wesley! Pick up on 310 -- NOW!

"Colin..."

"Your brother..." I asked. "Maybe you wouldn't know, but is he thinking about..." I frowned again.

"Yes???"

"Ahhh..." Blast! Why was this so difficult? "Do you have any idea if Jack is ahhhh... interested in --" I stopped. "Hmm... um, some girl here?" I concluded lamely.

Mo blinked innocently at me. "Just any random girl?" she asked.

"Welllllll... No. not exactly, you see..."

"Colin Richard Wesley!!!" Lizzy almost screamed.

Mo slammed her hand down. "Go."

I reached into my back pocket and discovered I did not have a phone with me. (Of all the inconvenient times...) I passed through the Service Desk gate to the other side of the counter, where mo handed me one of their phones. "Yes?" I asked cautiously.

"COLIN!!! Get your skinny little rear over here RIGHT NOW!!!" Elizabeth fumed.

"Ma'am." I hung up and hurried over.

Liz was simmering. "WHAT were you doing?"

"Talking to Mo?"

"When I call you, that means come. NOW!"

"Sorry..."

"They need you over at the cafe. Then come back and see me, I want to talk to you."

Sounds like somebody's been taking lessons from Julie. I proceeded obediently to the cafe, took care of the problem, and then proceeded back. "Now what?"

Liz reddened slightly. "I want to talk to you about something..."

"Yes? Do you want me to baby-sit Lynda now?" I teased.

"Ha ha. No...actually, this is about..." she blushed. "Will."

"Will??!?"

"Well yes, Will."

"He works here," I observed. "Also, he is Lindsey's brother. And he lives next door to my parents."

"I know," said Lizzy, a trifle impatiently.

"He is also twice a cousin by marriage. Betcha didn't know that."

"Actually, I DID."

"Well, really more like one and a half times, because there's his Uncle Gardiner and my Aunt Phyllis, but Camilla and Clarence are divorced."

"COLIN!"

"What?"

"How is this relevant to what I'm asking you??"

"Lizzy... you haven't asked me anything yet."

She was silent. "You haven't given me a chance to yet."

I sighed. "Okay, shoot."

"Will."

"Yes."

"He's -- he's... what's he -- does he... is he --" Lizzy stumbled.

I was perplexed. Yes, this was certainly a development in the Willis J. Fitzdarcy department... but I suddenly remembered that -- technically -- I had no plan. Which was a problem. And Liz certainly wasn't helping anything. Desperately, I wished Lindsey would come. Maybe she would know what to do. "Lizzy?"

She didn't seem to hear me for a minute. Then snapping out of her daze, she said, "Um, Colin... never mind. Sorry. Maybe some other time." She left rapidly to answer some nonexistent flashing light. I watched her, puzzled. I needed something to drink.

I grabbed a Mountain Dew from the cooler and walked into the opposite lane. There being a dearth of customers, Kimmie was reading Pride and Prejudice. Looking up, she saw me and made a face. I made a face back. "Ring this up for me. Freak."

She stuck her tongue out.

"That now, that was truly mature."

"Dork," she retorted. "Are you sure Julie will let you have this much caffeine on the job?" she inquired, eyeing the Mountain Dew speculatively.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm of age."

"One - oh - three."

"Oh...I think I'm going to write a check..."

"COLIN!!!" she screeched.

"Nahhh, I'll do a debit card."

Kimmie rolled her eyes. I slid the card through the machine, too slowly for it to process correctly. "Oh, now you'll have to type it in," I handed the card to her with an innocent smile.

"It says you have NO money in your account," declared Kimmie,

"No it doesn't," I replied calmly. Sulking, she took out an icot slip. "Twenty over," I added. "One ten, a five, four ones, three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel," I continued as the printer processed the icot. Kimmie glared at me. "Thank you," I said nicely as she shoved my money at me. "Brat."

"Idiot!"

"Psycho."

"Jerk."

"Hey, I could have asked for pennies too."

Kimmie stuck her tongue out again, then turned to happier contemplations. "Is Will coming today?" she demanded.

"Nope, sorry."

Kimmie sighed. "He is sooooo..." she gestured dramatically and sank against the partition. On the other side of the partition, at the next register, Kate snickered. Until her printer jammed again, that is.

"Colin!"

"Coming, coming... you kill me, Kate."

"Sorry!"

"All right. I'm going to teach you how to do this. Ready to learn?" I asked, taking out the jammed icot slip.

Kate nodded, while protesting. "I DO know how to do it!"

"That may be. But you have to be GENTLE. Machines are temperamental. Watch." Carefully, I inserted another icot slip and pressed did the reprint procedure. The printer spit the slip back out at me. Kate gave me a reproachful 'see what I mean?' look.

"Machines are temperamental," I reiterated, patiently repeating the whole procedure. "I did my college thesis on it. Machines are temperamental," I muttered. "Machines are temperamental and women are temperamental."

I choose to believe that it is merely a coincidence that Kate stepped on my foot at that moment. "What?" demanded Kimmie. I handed the customer his receipt and slip copy, then turned to Kimmie. Kate watched with raised eyebrows and a skeptical expression.

"I like women -- " Kimmie snorted. "Yes, thank you. However, women are temperamental. I have observed that. Women are temperamental and jealous."

Kimmie snorted again. "Everyone is jealous."

"I have my faults, but honestly, I'm never jealous. Women are more jealous than men."

"You're never jealous? I can't believe that," Kimmie scoffed.

Suddenly I noticed Lindsey leaning on the back of Kate's terminal, listening to us. "Except Lindsey," I added, putting my arm around her affectionately.

"Except Lindsey what?" Kimmie asked.

"Lindsey's too good a sport to be jealous. I know it."

"So to be a good sport you can't be jealous?" Lindsey inquired.

"No, but... I can tell."

The dark hazel eyes looked up at me steadily. "Sure?"

"Perfectly."

When I drove Lindsey to her house after work, my father was already home next door. "Hey Dad!" I called to him.

He looked up from Richard III and set his iced tea down. "Colin!" He put down the book, pushed his glasses up on his nose, and energetically proceeded to talk to us about gardening for several minutes. The hose was in the mulch alongside the house, watering some of the many rosebushes. "Oh dear," said my father, looking up, and started across the front lawn.

Lindsey and I watched, confused at first, then saw that the Foremont baby had run off again. My father picked up the toddler and carried her down the street, where Mrs. Foremont was shouting "Jessie! Jessie!" Lindsey and I shrugged at each other and wandered into the Fitzdarcy backyard.

Lindsey sat down in the warm grass. "You really are annoying..."

I sat down next to her. "Well, I told Kimmie and Kate they could close down and answer lights, so they were happy. Pretty slow today anyway."

"Uh-huh," Lindsey murmured, stretching out. She plucked aimlessly at tiny lavender flowers in the grass. Van Morrison wafted outside from Will's open office window.

When it's not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

"Colin? What'd you mean about jealousy?"

When you don't need to worry there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there'll be days like this

"It's been my observation that women are more jealous than men. ...You're not, though."

When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there'll be days like this

"...Oh. Okay." Lindsey's voice was muffled. I rolled onto my back and stared at the clouds, then, feeling drowsy, rolled over again.

When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks
When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
When it's nobody's business the way that you wanna live
I just have to remember there'll be days like this

When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything is
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this
Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this
Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this
Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this

Days Like This, Van Morrison

Part 5: Doubles Match

Posted on Saturday, 2 December 2000

(Elizabeth)

I pulled into the Fitzdarcy a little before six. Next door, James Wesley was on his knees, pulling weeds out of the front lawn. I greeted my childhood pediatrician.

"Hello, Elizabeth! How are you?"

"Quite well, thank you. Your gardens look lovely," I added, peering around the side of the house. "And especially the roses -- splendid!"

He beamed. "Thank you, my dear! Yes, and so late in the season, 'tis quite remarkable." Dr. Wesley is a gardening freak and is especially proud of his roses. He gave me a guided tour, then broke off, noting my attire and racquet. "Tennis this evening? Ah, well, I won't detain you any longer, Lizzy." Glancing at his watch, he added, "and I must start dinner soon -- Rebecca shall be home any minute. Do join us for dinner, if you like. We won't be eating until eight and we are sure to have plenty extra. Rebecca would love to have you over."

"Thanks. I'm not sure when we'll be done, though, so don't hold anything."

Dr. Wesley smiled wryly, then added, "Don't ask me what we're having because I still have to figure that out."

I laughed. Dr. Wesley is known to be highly inventive, and surprisingly successful, in the kitchen.

Reaching Lindsey's backyard, I uttered a groan, looking at the two heaps with a mixture of exasperation and amusement. Lindsey and Colin were sprawled across the sunny grass, fast asleep.

I sighed. They looked so cute -- like sleeping puppies -- I almost hated to wake them up. "Lindsey," I said softly. I bent over. "Linz..." She turned her head slightly, then slowly opened her eyes.

"Lizzy?" she blinked. Her eyes opened wider and focused. "Ohhhh... tennis... I forgot..." She sat up and looked around vaguely. Colin, his long limbs splayed every which way, didn't move. Lindsey dragged herself over to him and poked his shoe. No response. She pulled herself closer and tugged at his shirt.

"Colin... Colin..."

With a sleepy little mumble, he rolled over and blinked open his eyes. "Wha...?'"

I waved my tennis racquet over his head.

"Ehhh? Ohhh." He sat up. "Sorry Lizzy. Slipped my mind."

Lindsey and Colin now sat next to each other in the grass, blinking vaguely and looking expectantly at me like a pair of three year olds. I rolled my eyes. "So, you two going to do anything?"

They looked at each other. Lindsey blinked. Colin blinked. "Oh." Almost simultaneously, they scrambled to their feet, and Colin dashed into his parents' house. "Be right out, Lizzy, just going to change."

"Sorry, Liz, we fell asleep," Lindsey apologised before going into her house.

I sighed. "It's fine, we're early anyway I suppose, because Jack didn't get out of work until quarter before six."

I wandered around the Fitzdarcy backyard while I waited. About once or twice a week in the summer, Colin, Lindsey, Jack, and I play doubles tennis in the high school courts, which are about five minutes from Lindsey's house. Sometimes Jen, Carly, Bing, Andy, Kristy, and even Will come along, but it's usually just the four of us.

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

I looked up towards the source of the music. The window of Will's office. I snorted. Much as I like Lindsey, her brother is one of the most maddening people I have ever met. Merely tolerable indeed. I heard the back screen door of the house open then close. I turned, expecting to see Lindsey -- drat, Will.

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

"Liz," he said. I waited. Apparently this was all.

"Yes?" I inquired shortly. Might as well force him to say something to me.

Will looked a bit alarmed. "Ahhh... tennis?" he managed finally.

"Obviously."

"...Yes." He began wandering around the driveway in a nervous manner, often looking my way and occasionally opening his mouth as though he meant to say something, but never did. I felt impatient. If he had come outside to talk to me, why didn't he? Or if he didn't intend to talk to me, why did he in the first place? And if he didn't come out to talk to me, why did he? Why? Why? Why? Why? Argh. Maddening man.

...But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

"Mind if I come along?" he queried unexpectedly.

I was surprised, but rallied. "We already have four."

"No -- I meant just to watch."

"I don't see why not," I replied, not quite graciously.

Will gave what appeared to be a little smile. What? A smile? From him??? "Thank you. I've been cooped up in my office all day long. I'm working on this new program -- you see, it -- "

"Spare me," I interrupted. "I hate computers." Actually, I don't, but I had lost most of the work for a column I was writing when my computer crashed this morning, I was not in the most congenial mood towards the dastardly things.

Will seemed taken aback. "I -- I'm sorry," he mumbled, and resumed doddering about the driveway. After a few moments of highly uncomfortable silence (I was feeling just a bit contrite for being so harsh...), Lindsey came out of the house and began scrounging around for tennis balls in the garage. A minute later, Colin reappeared, dressed in what I recognised as his high school gym clothes.

"What?" he asked defensively. "I don't have much stuff left at my parents' house."

"I didn't say anything," I shrugged, but when he turned his back I entertained myself by reading the virtues of ice hockey as listed by his tee-shirt.

"Ready, Linz?" Colin asked, taking tennis balls from her.

"Yep, those are all I could find."

"He's coming with us," I remarked, nodding my head towards Will, who was staring off in abstraction.

"Will!!!!!!!!!!!" Lindsey screamed, rousing him. "We're going now!!!" Lindsey sometimes gets a bit overexcited. when we play tennis.

"I'm coming," he said patiently.

When we arrived at the tennis courts, Jack was practicing serves against the wall. "Hey hey, beat you," he smirked.

"There was a bit of... confusion," I replied. With his dark hair and intensely blue eyes, Jack is very Irishly handsome. Add his low baritone voice and deadpan humor, and it's not unreasonable that makes your knees go weak and your stomach feel quite pleasantly squishy. It seems a bit of a waste, since he's not really my type. I suppose someone else will have to have him. And I think...

"Lizzy!"

"Coming, coming."

Jack glanced doubtfully at Will, who was wearing khakis and a polo shirt. All this for working at home. "He's just here to watch," I said.

"Ahhhh."

Whenever the four of us play, we always have the same teams: me and Jack against Lindsey and Colin. While playing, I often glanced over at the bench at the side to find, to my irritation, that Will was watching me intently. Humph. So what standards of his wasn't I meeting this time? After playing three sets (two them, one us), I motioned the others to join me at the net. "Let's switch it around a little," I suggested.

"Me and Linz against you and Colin?" asked Jack.

"Yeah -- "

"Why?" Colin protested. "We always play this way."

"Exactly," I resumed. "Why not try something different? And don't interrupt me, Wesley."

"Right, we always play this way 'cause it works. What are you thinking, Liz?"

"All right by you two?" I asked Jack and Lindsey.

"Okay," replied Lindsey.

"No problem," said Jack, eyeing Colin.

Colin looked distinctly displeased. "Really, I didn't know you were such a traditionalist," I told him sarcastically.

"I'm not! I'm not!"

"Then...?"

"I just don't see the point! We've always done it like this, it works fine it --"

"I'm hearing status quo all over this argument --"

"No! No! It doesn't have anything to do with that! Just why --" Colin spluttered.

"Why? Why are you behaving like a four year old?" This was getting ridiculous. Lindsey and Jack were already on the other side of the net, tactfully trying to ignore us. "I can't believe you're making this much fuss over a tennis match, and it doesn't even have anything to do with winning! Odd as you can be, Colin, I thought you were at least rational."

"I am being rational."

"No, you are not."

Colin flickered a glance at them, at Will, then back at me. "Look, Lizzy, just what are you trying to do here?" he asked in a low voice.

"Do?"

"Yeah... why are you really doing this? What's your plan?"

I groaned. "Plan? Ulterior motive? Don't you think that you're being just a little paranoid?"

"No." He said this quietly, with perfect seriousness and calmness. "What are you doing Lizzy?" he asked levelly.

"Nothing." I started back towards the service line. Colin finally surrendered and followed me, narrowly avoiding decapitation in the process. Lindsey had hit the ball back to me with a remarkably hard, straight shot.

"Wow, was that great or what, Lindsey Davenport!" Jack commented, impressed.

"Great?!?" Colin exploded. "She nearly killed me!"

"No she didn't. Shut up and serve." I tossed the ball to him.

He tossed it back, saying rather sulkily, "It's your serve, Lizzy."

"Good. I wasn't sure you'd notice that."

"I'm not an idiot, Lizzy."

The subsequent set was played hardball fashion by all of us except Jack, who returned Colin's alarmingly forceful shots with good-humored bemusement. While retrieving a hard shot of Lindsey's that had gone waaaaaay out (control is definitely a good thing in tennis), I executed a graceful little stumble in conjunction with a well-timed shriek.

"Are you all right, Lizzy?" Lindsey called.

"Fine -- just twisted my foot a little, I think... why don't you and Jack play and Colin and I will just go over here and sit for a little while..." I smiled sweetly at Colin, who was giving me a death glare.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded as soon as we were through the door to the courts.

"What was what?" I asked innocently. Colin gave me a furious look and stalked off to the cluster of picnic tables situated between the two enclosures of tennis courts.

"You know what I mean, Lizzy."

"I tripped over the ball. I'm so sorry. Maybe you can play winners." I smiled dazzlingly. Colin gritted his teeth. Abruptly I dropped the ruse. Sometimes the best way to deal with Colin is to shock him. "You know you weren't concentrating on the game. You were just waiting for a chance to talk to me. I gave you the chance."

"What are you doing, Liz?" he cried. "Now you're doing it again!"

"Answering your own questions?" I queried politely.

"Why, Lizzy?"

I paused. The expression in his voice and eyes was softer and imploring, no longer angry. He deserved an answer -- certainly not the entire answer, or even half, but a bit. I leaned forward on my elbows and looked across the table at him. "Tell me what you think I'm doing."

"Jack -- Lindsey -- what are you doing, Lizzy?"

...I just want to see something," I said slowly.

"See something?!?"

I shrugged. "Actions, reaction... you know."

"But -- but -- whatever you're doing, Lizzy, these are people, not guinea pigs. You can't just try something out to see what happens."

"I'm not doing that at all, Colin."

"You don't think that someone might get hurt?"

"Do you?"

Colin squirmed ever so slightly. "Well, you know... Jack..."

"Is devastatingly handsome?" I helped.

Another squirm. "All I'm saying is... is... if Lindsey falls for him, if that's what you're trying to engineer... I... don't want to see her end up with a broken heart. I mean, Jack?"

I had to laugh. "Really, Colin -- you of all people, telling me he might break her heart..." I shook my head at him.

"What?"

"All I'm saying is that Jack is hardly a reprobate compared to you."

"Lizzy!"

"I'm not saying you're a cad," I continued thoughtfully. "As a matter of fact, I think you have very chivalrous impulses. ...But really, Colin."

Colin continued on its same track. "But Jack..."

"Jack is your friend," I reminded him.

"I know, Lizzy! He's a great guy. I'm not accusing him of anything sinister. I just don't think..."

"Colin, you're not her older brother."

There was a pause. "I know." I didn't say anything. "Her brother's right there. Look at him, Lizzy, he isn't happy about this. Ever consider what he might think, eh?"

I glanced over to the bench where Will sat. He was grimly watching not Lindsey and Jack, but us.

"See? He agrees with me," Colin insisted.

"I don't doubt it," I retorted, "though there's no reason he should. Overprotective, overbearing..."

"He needs someone to help him lighten up," said Colin, looking at me.

"No kidding," I muttered. Then, less acrimoniously, "You know, Colin, I've been thinking. At first I thought maybe Jen, but she's too serene and complaisant, not quite what he needs."

"Exactly, he needs someone lively."

"Right, so I was thinking... of course, there is a bit of an age difference -- He's what --"

"Turned twenty-eight in July."

" -- and sometimes I really can't stand they guy, so..."

"Yes?" Colin's voice was unexpectedly hopeful.

"I think Kristy might be right for him."

"Kristy?"

"Yes, I --"

"Kristy?!?!" Colin was stupefied. "Kristy?"

"Kristy!" I shouted. Lindsey looked over at me and an easy return from Jack flew by her.

"Kristy," repeated Colin, as if he wanted to get it perfectly straight.

I began to feel prickles of irritation. "What, don't you think she's good enough for him?"

"No, not at all, but... Kristy?"

"Well, what's wrong with it?" I asked impatiently.

"Nothing. I mean, it's not her but..." If he said "Kristy?" again I was going to wring his neck. "...but... I just don't think she's... right for him... Lizzy."

"No?" I inquired. "And why n -- ohhhhh."

"What's ohhhh?"

"Is it because you want her for yourself?" I asked bluntly.

Colin didn't answer, then finally, "I don't think she's right for him. Really."

"But?"

Again he was silent several moments before answering. "I... yes. Maybe. Liz, maybe. I don't know. But don't do anything with that, please."

I narrowed my eyes. "Oh really," I replied coolly.

"But more importantly, don't try anything with Kristy and Will."

I gritted my teeth. "Oh really?"

"Yeah. And this Lindsey-Jack stuff... not a good idea. Trust me. Disaster. I know you don't think I have any good reason, but... I just know..."

"Ohhh... really..." Colin has been my friend for more than ten years. I love him dearly. I want to kill him.

"Yeah. I do know them both better than you. If you have to engage in all this matchmaking stuff, try something more worthwhile... like Bing and Jen."

I couldn't help it any more. "Yes, Colin, and I think Lindsey agrees with you. About her and Jack, I mean."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. That's why all those tennis balls were flying at you with a force that could have killed a small animal."

Colin glared at me and bent over to tie his shoe, muttering something about "women are temperamental and jealous."

I threw a tennis ball at the back of his head.

"What was that for?!?" he exclaimed.

"Because you're an idiot."

Part 6: Fallout

Posted on Tuesday, 5 December 2000

(Colin)

Sunday morning, I was adding another spoonful of Quik to my chocolate milk when the phone rang. "Hello?"

"Ah, good, you're up." It was Jack, sounding very relieved, against a good deal of background noise.

I looked at the clock -- quarter to ten. "Of course I'm up. What's up -- you're working now, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Julie asked me to call you. I know you're not supposed to start until eleven, but could you come in early?"

"Busy?"

"Madness."

"Sure, I -- "

A small commotion in the background interrupted me. "WHAT? Uh-oh. Errr... sorry Colin, just a sec... ...Yeah, sure Alicia, I think I can get my sister switched over here, would that be better?...Great. I'll send Mo down in a minute, I just have to finish talking to Colin.... Yep, Julie thinks it would help to have someone more...So sorry about this whole thing, Alicia...yeah, I know it was because of Carol...thanks, Alicia..."

"Still there?" Jack asked a few minutes later.

"What was that about? Something wrong in the coffee shop?"

"Carol Ann put Billy in here -- I'm right next to it now. He's been driving Alicia nuts for the past half hour. Already he's broken two bottles of her flavoring syrup. She's freaking out. It is not good."

"It must not be." The manager of the coffee shop is ordinarily a woman of poise and composure, certainly not given to "freaking".

"A plate of croissants just tumbled because of him." Jack snorted. "That's what he gets for messing with the angle of repose."

I chuckled. Jack is a physics enthusiast. After majoring in it in college, he taught high school physics and math for a year before concluding that while that was well and good, teaching wasn't for him. Now he plans to get an engineering degree and design amusement park rides, especially roller coasters. "Not everyone is as concerned with the angle of repose as you are," I reminded him.

"Yes, but obviously he should have been! ...So, you'll come?"

I looked down at my gray tee shirt and plaid flannel pants. "Errr... give me about forty minutes."

"Great. You're a lifesaver, Colin."

"No problem." I was about to hang up, but Jack continued.

"Just one thing. How are things between you and Lindsey?"

It was a bad moment to have taken a sip of coffee. "Why?"

Jack sighed. "Because it didn't look too pleasant between the two of you when we were playing tennis, and today is not a good day to be hung up over something personal."

"That was a week and a half ago," I said irritably. "Nothing's wrong. I'm not hung up over anything -- Lindsey's not hung up over anything. Everything's fine."

"Okay, okay. I just thought there might be some constraint, that's all."

"Constraint?" I asked sharply. "Why? Over what?"

"Nothing, nothing, Colin. Just wanted to be sure."

"Be sure," I muttered.

"So... you're still... friends?" Jack asked doubtfully.

"Of course!!!" I nearly shouted, becoming impatient. Why did he have to pry like this? "What do you think???"

"Have I hit a nerve?"

"NO, you have not," I growled, intensely irritated and grinding my teeth.

"Alright then. See you in a bit -- thanks."

I hung up and grumphed a bit. Constraint indeed. Everything was fine, and Jack didn't need to mess it up. What the heck was he trying to stir up? I drank two glasses of chocolate milk.

Thirty-two minutes later I was at work, particularly impressive because I was nearly dressed before I remembered it was the first day of non-summer dress and not only had to change, but iron.

"Very nice," Lindsey remarked approvingly.

"Eh?"

"Nice. Spotless, pressed, even matching. I'm impressed."

"Don't you have any confidence in me?"

"Yeah... no, not much."

I looked at Lindsey and smiled. She was wearing a lightweight sage green cardigan, flowered skirt, and brown loafers -- very typical of her. Her reddish curls were twisted up. "Spotless, pressed, even matching. I'm impressed," I retorted.

"Nice try."

"So, you'll compliment Ben on his ties but all you'll do for me is sarcastically congratulate me on my ability to dress myself properly?"

"Nice tie."

"Very funny."

"I'm sorry, Colin. I like it. It's very Colin-ish."

"Is it?" I asked doubtfully, looking at the subtle, conservative dark green and navy pattern.

"Uh-huh." She smiled. "It's a compliment, Colin," she added, amused.

"Okay."

Lindsey frowned a little. "Just one thing, though..."

"What are you doing?" I asked with raised eyebrows as Lindsey reached up and adjusted my tie.

"Fixing your tie. What do you think, stringing you up?"

"I am more than four, you know."

"You're all lopsided. It doesn't look right."

"Oh, so I can't dress myself properly after all."

"Well, you were in a hurry. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

I grinned. Things were fine, I knew it. I caught myself looking for Jack for the sake of saying 'see I told you so.'

"All right... so what's going on here?" I scanned the line of registers as we strode past. Yikes, it was it busy. And many things were clearly not right.

Andrew Dennison, tie flipped over his shoulder, was swiftly bagging behind a clearly inexperienced employee. "I'll be right back," Lindsey murmured, walking away rapidly to answer a light.

Andy took advantage of the cashier's slowness and confusion to turn to me in explanation. "Almost all of our solid people are bagging. The inexperienced ones are on register but they can't keep up, so George and Julie instructed the coordinators to stop and bag for them whenever we have a chance -- which means at any given time there are fewer of us available to answer lights, and believe me, there are a lot to be answered. It's too busy for us to have anyone switch except for breaks and going home, so I think we're just going to have to phase them out that way." Andy turned to resume bagging and continued with annoyance, "Ben's not here today, but apparently Carol Ann insisted that all the recent trainees get weekend register experience today."

"How many," I asked warily, noticing the alarming abundance of yellow "I'm New" ribbons.

Andy groaned. "Half a dozen who just got out of training Friday --"

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Yep -- and about fifteen others who finished training within the last two or three."

"Is she crazy? That's more than half our registers! More like two thirds, actually. How did she get away with this?"

"She was scheduled early this morning and was the first one running the schedule..."

"...And Carol doesn't like getting up early, especially on weekends, especially when it's because she has to work."

"I think that's about it. By the time Julie realized what was happening it was too late for her to do anything about it except wait for a chance to phase them out." Andy moved to help the cashier with tendering the payment.

Lindsey returned. I had begun bagging for the register next to Andy. "Has he told you what's going on?" she asked, setting up the bagging stand in back of the register next to mine.

"Well, I heard about Carol's little scheme... is there more?"

Lindsey sighed and pushed back her hair. "Just a few things... there are many, many people here for the canal convention -- and they're not from around here, aren't familiar with the machines, so the people on register have to put in the cards into the icot, and thanks to Carol, a lot of them can't do it either. And a lot of Europeans -- lots of canals in Europe, I suppose -- some of them don't speak much English -- it's a problem with the inexperienced employees. Especially the ones who aren't familiar with produce..."

"There's more, isn't there?"

"Yep... some of the signs for the new week are wrong or not up yet, and all the discounts on flowers haven't been programmed yet, even though the new signs for them are up."

"Uh-oh..."

"And the lines to the banks have been going down."

"I'm glad that's all there is," I remarked sarcastically.

"Yeah, really... nope, customers have been mistaken about the prices on a bunch of items, plus all the other price confusion -- which means a lot of them don't take them --"

"--Which means a lot of reshops..."

"Which, in most cases, means a lot of perishable reshops."

"Happy thought indeed," I muttered.

"Hmm, yes."

"So how many managers are there now?" I asked, looking around. "From who I've seen already it seems like a full house."

"Hmm... Andy and I got here at ten... My brother, Liz, Jen, Richard, Jack, Bing, Carley, George, Julie, Lou, Sean..."

"That's nearly everyone!"

"Yeah... Carol, if you want to count her as a positive force... oh, and Bert, who despises me --"

"He despises nearly everyone, Linz."

She considered. "Yeah, that's true. And we've got Shem and Maureen and a few others answering lights, reshopping, and spotting at the Service desk or just wherever we need them."

"I think Jack sent Mo to the coffee shop after he called me... Kristy here?" I asked casually.

Apparently not casually enough. I faced scrutiny from both left and right as Andy and Lindsey turned to me. "No, she's not coming in at all today," Lindsey answered slowly. Andy watched me silently for a moment, then turned back to bagging.

"Ah, to bad," I replied. Secretly, I was relieved. I had tried to avoid most contact with Kristy ever since intimating to Lizzy I might be interested in her. There were some things I needed to think out. Elizabeth's insane idea about her sister and Will Fitzdarcy would completely sabotage any plan (or at this point, more of a lack of plan... but that could -- and would -- be rectified...) I might have for the Will and Lizzy. The last minute save I had pulled to avert this disaster might have been a bit short in foresight, but Liz hadn't given me much warning. ...And in all honesty, I had to admit that courting Kristen Benedict was no heavy self-sacrifice. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. I wondered what she thought about the unusual formality I had spoken to her with the few times I had seen her since that tennis game. It couldn't be helped, but I did feel rather as if I owed her. Chuckling a bit, I thought of the utter absurdity of telling her, "I just thought you should know that I won't be flirting with you today like I usually do. Exactly why is classified information, but let it be said that there is a good reason." Hmmm... nope, that would never do.

"What's so funny?" Lindsey asked.

I started. "Ahhhhh... nothing."

Lindsey murmured a doubtful little "Mm-hmm."

"Anything else?" I asked to change the subject.

Lindsey reddened and looked uncomfortable. "Yeahhh... actually, there is."

"There is?" I was suddenly nervous, thinking of Jack's warning.

"Yessss..." Lindsey's forehead puckered with worry. "Remember a few weeks ago, I accidentally told Lizzy that Will thinks she's beautiful?"

"Well, yes... What's going on?"

"I'm not sure --"

Julie came up behind me. "You're wonderful."

I turned. "Hey, that's a nice departure from your usual treatment of me, don't you think?"

Julie smiled innocently. "You get what you deserve, Colin."

I was about to protest, but Julie shut me up. "Come with me. I need you to help me with a few things."

"Do any of these things involve cleaning?"

"They do not. Will and I are trying to reprogram the discounts into the computers. Some of them were done earlier, but were lost, and the rest were never done," Julie said. "For some reason, Will is having problems putting them in. There are a lot of problems with the computer system that he's trying to sort out."

As we entered the dark computer room, I remembered that Lindsey was about to tell me something about her brother and Elizabeth. Will sat at the second in the row of computers, while Elizabeth stood over him and leaned over his shoulder, looking at the monitor.

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start*

"It's right there. Got it?" Liz asked, pointing to something on the screen.

"Yes... careful, don't smudge up the monitor, please."

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Is it working this time?"

"I think so."

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

"Have the problems been fixed, Will?" Julie asked him.

He turned down the radio and swiveled his chair around. "I'm not sure. But nothing more has come up, so it's looking pretty good. I don't think you'll have to worry about any new problems, at least. I think we should be able to get the changes in faster now."

"Excellent," said Julie, taking her blazer off the back of a chair. "So Elizabeth is helping you now?"

"Umm... I guess so," Will replied doubtfully.

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

"Great. I have some other things to do. I'll check back in a little while, Will. thanks for getting this fixed."

"I think I'm superfluous," I began tentatively, fifteen minutes later. I had contributed a little work to the computer effort, but Will and Lizzy seemed to be fine without me. Plus, they were actually getting along for once... even at such a close proximity. Standing behind Will's chair, Lizzy would often lean over him to point out what he was looking for on the monitor, key something into the computer, or explain something on his list. For his part, Will was less nervous and more gregarious than he usually was in her presence. His chattiness had increased even in the short time I had been in the room. Hmmm.

Neither replied. I rose from my chair. "I'm going now. You seem to be fine by yourselves." Two heads whipped around to stare at me. Will looked petrified, Lizzy irritated. Then she slowly began to smile.

"Yes, Colin, why don't you. They need you much more out there."

Will looked panicked. "Do you think this is a good idea, Colin?"

"Yes," I replied firmly.

"All right..." he conceded. I moved to the door. "Ah, Elizabeth... actually there is something I need to discuss with you..." I raised my eyebrows and closed the door behind me.

"Alicia."

"How are you, Colin?"

"Fine, thanks. Is it alright if I borrow Mo for a little while?"

She considered. "That should be fine. We aren't as busy now."

"Thanks. I'll send Shemmelle over if you need another person again."

"I am being borrowed?" Mo asked, raising her eyebrows at me.

"I need someone to deliver a few orders to the senior citizens' community," I informed her, dangling the keys to the van.

"Ooooh," said Mo happily.

"It's three or four separate orders, so I'll send Sean with you to help out."

"Ooooh Sean's cute." Mo grinned.

"Have fun," I said, handing her the keys.

"But tell him that I get to drive! I want to drive."

"That's fine."

"No, he might decide that he should be the driver. Make sure I get to drive."

I rolled my eyes. "Alicia, may I?" Alicia handed me the marker she used for labelling cups. I felt around for a scrap of paper, then failing that, scribbled "Mo is driving" across a cup lid. "Here's your token to paradise," I said sarcastically, handing it to her.

"Thank you, Colin! And it's ticket to paradise, by the way," Mosylu corrected.

"Argh! I think token was appropriate."

"Oh Sean..." Mo called, catching up to him as he passed by the coffee shop.

"Please come back," I reminded her. "And no fun little detours either."

"Heheh," said Mo, grinning. "Don't worry. You know I'm good."

My phone rang again. "Just a second... again," I told Kate, who had been standing across from me at the runners' desk for the past ten minutes, awaiting my orders. "Okay. I'll send someone down. Thanks, Shem." I switched modes on the phone. "Wet clean-up in aisle fifteen," I announced. I made a few alterations on the task list. Kate folded her arms on the podium and rested her chin on her hands, gazing at me with a resigned expression. "You're okay, just gonna hang out here for awhile 'til I've gotten all this stuff done?"

"Sure," said Kate patiently.

"I know, sorry. I'll be right --" The phone rang again. "Ack! Will my pocket stop ringing???"

Kate laughed. "Calm thoughts, calm thoughts," she reiterated my standard expression.

"Hey, watch it, missy." I turned on the phone. "...Okay, George... ...yeah, I'll get Kimmie, she's on the cafe registers... ...yes, George, there will be enough people left there... ...okay..."

"I think I'm going to lose my mind," I told Kate, switching my phone to the announcement mode again.

"Okay."

"Kim, pick up on 216."

"What do you want?" Kimmie asked.

"I need you to come back."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"I want to stay here."

Too bad."

"Fine," she grumbled.

"I'm so mean," I told Kate. "Sometimes I shock myself, how mean I am."

"If you say so." Kate had been listening to my babble for the last fifteen minutes.

Kimmie reappeared. "I need you to condition the bottles these front coolers."

"Ewww, it's cold."

"Tough."

"Why me?" Kimmie demanded.

"You're just so good at it."

Kimmie snorted. "All it is, is moving the bottles to the front."

"I could do it," Kate told me reproachfully, still leaning against the desk.

"I might need you to go on for someone who's going home. First I have to see if anyone is going home soon." I sighed. "The schedule is such a mess."

"Carol Ann?" asked Lou Micelli sagely, joining me.

"I have no doubt."

"So, Colin, trying to find somewhere to put this little scamp?" Lou asked, nodding towards Kate.

"So... if Kate is a scamp, what would that make me?" wondered Kimmie rhetorically, from the cooler next to us.

"A little devil," I muttered.

"Heheheh, said Kimmie appreciatively.

Lou looked over the schedule sheets. "Earlier we didn't have enough people -- or enough of the right people, at least -- and now we don't know what to do with them."

"Yep." The store had slowed drastically at about four o'clock.

"Well, better than being under scheduled," said Lou. "Tearing out your hair, each day you come in with less..." Lou sighed. I sighed.

"You have a high forehead," Kimmie observed deviously.

"Shut up." She flicked a little piece of ice at me. I removed the ice from the inside of my collar. "Okay, Kate, why don't you see if Myra wants to go home on eleven," I said, pointing to the lane directly across from us.

"Will and Lizzy have gotten the computer thing straightened out," Lou informed me.

"Good." So they could cooperate, it would seem.

"Is everything going well up here, Colin?" asked George Knight, who had been talking to Kimmie.

"Yeah, kinda sorta not really."

"Oh?" George inquired worriedly.

"But it's okay now."

Kate came back to me. "She said she doesn't. And that she doesn't like you."

"All right, then why don't you help Kimmie."

George handed Kimmie a dollar and some change. "Thanks, dear."

"Is she getting you something to drink?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Get me something, too." Kimmie turned to me for money. "He's paying for it," I said cheerfully, pointing to George, who rolled his eyes in exasperation and handed Kimmie another dollar. "Hey, thanks George!" I pulled out a dollar for Kimmie.

"Jeeze, who is giving me money?" she demanded impatiently.

"I am, I am." I told her.

"Just pestering George? As usual?"

"Well... yeah."

"Tell me again how you've kept this job?" George asked.

"Good looks and charm," Shem suggested, coming around the corner.

"That's why, isn't it, Julie?" I called to her.

"I'm not telling."

"So," said Kimmie, "Sprite for George and diet Pepsi for Colin?"

"Yeah, sure... hey!" Kimmie smirked. "So, first you're calling me anorexic and then you're saying I should have diet?"

"Thank you, Kimmie. Just leave it on my desk. I'll be there in about twenty minutes or so." George gathered some papers from the runners' desk and departed.

"Ooooh," said Shem, eyes wide. "I think Jack is in looooooove."

"Really?" asked Kate, interested. Then she considered. "...yeah, I think you're right."

"Definitely," asserted Kimmie.

"He is?" I was bewildered. "With someone here?"

"Oh yes," said Shem.

"Really? With who?"

"Not telling," said Kimmie firmly.

"Think about it," said Kate.

"You should know..." murmured Shem.

"Really? Huh."

I spent the next half hour fruitlessly trying to sweet-talk the information out of Shemmelle, who was helping me answer lights.

"Come on! Why won't you tell me?"

"Because. It's something you should figure out for yourself and it's something you should be able to figure out."

"Shem!"

"Think about it."

"Colin, I'm working almost not at all next week," said Kate.

"That's not good. Here, come with me." We started towards the manager's office. On the way we passed Lindsey and Jack, who were working in the reshop area. I paused to listen to their conversation.

"So, this Carol Ann person is quite a character," Jack remarked. "She was an intern, was she..." A devious smirk spread across his face.

"Ah, no. Don't even think about it," Lindsey warned.

"What? What do you think I'll do?" Jack asked innocently.

"I know the way your sense of humor runs."

"Oh really. So... are you going to give me an answer?"

Lizzy just had to choose that moment to come out of the computer room. She gave me a look.

"What?"

"Yes?" Lizzy, raising her eyebrows.

"Lizzy..."

She looked thoughtfully from me to Lindsey.

"Nothing's wrong!" I protested.

She shrugged and gave me another cool look, then walked away. Turning, I saw Kate was also giving me a cool look. "WHAT?"

Humph. I looked over my shoulder at Lindsey and Jack. An answer? An answer to what??? I opened the door to the office, where Lou was typing rapidly on the computer and singing rather badly with the radio.

"Mind if we squeeze in here for a second?" I asked.

"Not a problem. I was just about to leave," he said, saving the file.

I didn´t ask, they shouldn´t have told me
At first I laughed but now
It´s sinking in fast, whatever they sold me
But baby **

"Hmmm... so you need hours?" I asked, sitting down in the chair Lou had just vacated and opening the schedule sheets for next week. "When can you work? Monday?"

"No."

"Okay... how about Thursday from six to nine and Friday from 4:15 to 9:30?"

I don´t wanna take advice from fools
I´ll just figure everything is cool
Til I hear it from you

"Okay."

"Working next weekend?"

It gets hard, when memory´s faded
And who gets what they say
It´s likely they're, just jealous and jaded
or maybe

"On Sunday, but not on Saturday."

"Hmmm.... how about 1:30 to 8:45?"

"Okay," said Kate. "I'll be right back," she said, darting out of the office before I could call her back in. I caught a glimpse of Lindsey again. She wasn't mad at me still. She hadn't been this morning, had she? Constraint? Everything was fine. Jack, Lizzy, what were they thinking?

I don´t wanna take advice from fools
I´ll just figure everything is cool
Til I hear it from you

I leaned out the door. Ahha. Kate took out an icot slip from register one to write on. Oh shoot. The cashier on one turned off her flashing light, and Kate departed. Looked like I was going to be here awhile. I turned my attention to the desk, or rather, broad work surface, of the office. As usual, it was a bit disorganized.

The mailboxes were overflowing. I glanced through my mail, and, finding nothing of much interest, began to straighten up a bit. Jack's mailbox was an utter mess, papers on the verge of falling out. I removed them and straightened the stack.

Until I hear it from you

It is not my habit to read other people's mail, but on the top of the stack, Jack's characteristic scrawl was smudged across the back of an envelope, with a line of smaller, neater handwriting underneath it.

Hey Lindsey were the first words. Cautiously, I leaned out the door. No one was coming.

Short notice, I know -- but have dinner with me tonight after work. Nothing special, just go across the plaza to Benucci's. So, what do you say?

My eyes widened in shock. "Jack is in looooooove," Shem had said.

I can´t let it get me off
Break up my train of thought
As far as I know nothing´s wrong
Until I hear it from you

Sure, why not, Lindsey had replied on the envelope.

I heard the register one cashier thanking Kate for retrieving a few items the customer had forgotten to pick up. Hastily, I shoved the papers back into Jack's mailbox.

"Sorry... I had to get something to write on. Sorry I took so long," Kate apologized.

"I could have given you something to write on," I said nicely, pointing to a stack of blue post-it notes.

"Oh," Kate squeaked. "Sorry."

"That's fine," I murmured. I reiterated her new hours as she wrote them down.

"Thank you, Colin! Sorry I took some much time."

"Not a problem," I murmured, leaning back in my chair as Kate left the office.

Lindsey entered. "My pen died," she said, leaning over me, trying to reach George's desk organizer. I handed one to her.

"Hmmm, Lindsey..." I began.

Still thinking about not living without it
Outside looking in, till we're talking about
Not stepping around it
Maybe

"Yes?"

I don't wanna take advice from fools
I´ll just figure everything is cool
Until I hear it from you

"...Never mind." I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Going home, Kate?" I heard Lizzy ask.

"Yep. See you later, Lizzy."

Til I hear it from you...

Lizzy. Lizzy had screwed this up and Lizzy was going to fix it. Or help, at least. I came out of the office and cornered her. "Doing anything tonight?"

"After work? Well, I do intend to go home."

"Nothing else?"

"Nope, nothing planned."

"Come with me."

"Come with you where?" she asked, puzzled.

"After work. I'm bored. Let's do something."

"Oh, I see... so you're operating on the assumption that if I have nothing planned, naturally what I want to do is entertain you where you're bored?"

"Of course."

"This isn't going to be the kind of date where you take me to your apartment, lock the door, and say 'Now you get to clean my kitchen'?"

"Nope... This is the kind of date where I take you to my apartment and seduce you, Lizzy."

"Oh, I see," she said archly.

"Naaaah... just a friends with nothing better to do thing."

"Yeah, I knew that. So, what are we doing?"

Until I hear it from you
Til I hear it from you...
Til I hear it from you...
Til I hear it from you...

Don't wanna take advice from fools
Just figure everything is cool...
Until I hear it from you...

I thought. "Surprise."

"Hmmm. Oh, by the way, Colin, there's something I want to talk to you about... about Will..."

"Really?"

"Yes, the strangest thing. Good though, we might finally have a breakthrough."

"Great," I said, not asking her what the breakthrough was about.

Til I hear it from you...

Don't wanna take advice from fools
Just figure everything is cool...
Until I hear it from you...
Til I hear it from you...

*"Everything She Does" -- the Police
**Til I Hear it From You -- Gin Blossoms

Part 7: Jealousy

Posted on Tuesday, 12 December 2000

(Colin)

"Hey, don't you want to know what Will told me?" Lizzy asked as we walked out to the parking lot.

I started out of my preoccupation, then remembered Lizzy's mention of a 'breakthrough.' "Of course."

"It's kind of complicated. It's about Jen and Bing -- Oh, by the way, Colin, Jen and I went in the same car this morning so I told her I was going with you, so you won't have to bring me back here to get my car, just take me home."

"Sure."

"Will you tell me where we're going now?" Lizzy demanded as we arrived at my car.

"Benucci's."

"Then why are we taking your car? It's on the other side of the plaza, Colin. It'll be more trouble to find a parking spot than it will be to just walk there and walk back."

I shrugged. "It's more than a quarter mile distance, Lizzy, and it will be darker and colder when we leave."

"It's not like you," she grumbled. "You're always 'why bother taking the car, you might as well walk.' You're almost as bad as Lindsey."

I didn't reply. No way was I going to tell Liz the real reason we were driving... at least not yet. "So... Jen and Bing?"

"Ah, right! How about I tell you when we get to the restaurant. I don't want to have to stop and start."

I nodded. "And... Lizzy, if there's anything else you want to talk to me about... well..." I hinted discreetly. I did feel rather badly for manipulating Elizabeth like this. (Even if she had caused the whole mess.) And judging from what she had told me about Lynda and Myra, Lizzy had more than a few issues worrying her.

She seemed to understand, giving me a grateful smile. "Thanks, Colin." Then, with a change in tone, "And if there's anything that's upsetting you... well, I'm willing to listen, help if I can."

I turned to her, confused. "Ah... thank you, Lizzy. But I don't think..."

Liz raised her eyebrows and leaned back in her seat. "Ah, well, we'll see, won't we?"

"Ummm... right."

"I'll let you work through it," responded Liz cryptically, leaving me completely confused by the entire conversation.

"Wait! Work through what?" I protested as we walked through the doors of the restaurant. Lizzy refused to answer. I managed to charm the hostess into seating us at the table of my choice: where I could see Jack and Lindsey and they couldn't see me. Thank goodness for potted plants. Furthermore, I could keep one eye on them without Lizzy noticing at all. I supposed I would have to enlighten her to the scheme eventually, but I preferred to do that after I had gotten her softened up a little.

"Bing and Jen?" I asked finally.

"Yes -- Will was telling me how Bing has been in love with Jen for years -- everyone knows, though I don't think Bing realizes this -- but Will thinks with a little encouragement Bing might finally do something about it this time."

"Really? And where do you and Will come in?"

"He was wondering whether I knew how Jen felt about Bing. I told him she likes him, of course -- just is waiting for him to come around, Jen's just like that. Will thinks that might be the little extra confidence Bing needs to be spurred into action. Will says he'll work on testing the waters." Lizzy paused, then continued nonchalantly, "He's really not that bad. Will, I mean."

"Yes?" I hinted.

Lizzy glared at me. "Yes? That's all, Colin. All I'm saying is maybe it's not necessary to have full-pitched warfare with him. Nothing more."

"If you say so."

Liz rolled her eyes. "Stop teasing me, Colin. You really are terrible, you know?"

I shook my head at her. "Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy."

She blushed, rather to my surprise. "Colin, enough. And don't even think about -- I hate to imagine what Will would think if he thought... NOT that it even matters because it is not true..."

I responded to this convoluted protest with silence and eloquently raised eyebrows. Lizzy glared at me wordlessly. Who knows how long this might have lasted if the waitress hadn't appeared at that moment.

During my conversation with Lizzy, I had kept one ear attuned to the table on the other side of the divider and the potted plant. I couldn't understand most of what they were saying, but I did hear frequent allusions to physics. No wonder. Jack always has a thing for girls who understand physics.

"What?" Lizzy asked me.

"What?"

"What."

"What???"

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"The aggrieved sigh thing." Confused, I stared at her blankly. "You just did it about half a minute ago," Elizabeth explained.

"I did?"

"Yes," said Lizzy, impatiently.

"Hmmm. I didn't know that."

Lizzy gave up. "Never mind. You are impossible."

"Sorry," I said meekly.

We lapsed into silence as Lizzy picked moodily at her food, staring at her plate rather unhappily. "Lizzy," I asked suddenly, "is it your sisters?"

She looked up, startled, and blushed. "No --" She rubbed her forehead and sighed. "Yes. Lynda and Myra -- why do they have to make such a spectacle of themselves? Why do they --" She broke off and the flush in her cheeks resurged with anger. "You know what Will also said to me today? He sort of hinted around at their behavior -- why couldn't I do something about it, he wanted to know. -- Yes Colin, don't deny it, he did. And he has before. And Julie, George, Lou... but with Will it's different -- he isn't my superior. I shouldn't have to take that from him... but what can I do? He is right. Not right about humiliating me, but he is right about the way they act. What can I do, Colin? They won't behave properly, they won't listen to reason... Not even Jen has been able to do anything about them..."

"Lizzy, not your fault. Please. Don't feel guilty. No one with any sense will think the worse of you or --"

Elizabeth looked up. "Colin. You've said that before, over and over and over again. And I think you do believe it to be true, but it's just not. People do, they will... and it is my responsibility. I'm their older sister, I should..." Liz trailed off.

"Talk to me," I said.

Apparently, Lynda worried Lizzy and Jen more than Myra. With the latter, they only had to contend with embarrassing episodes resulting from her immoderate rudeness and animosity. Lynda, however, exhibited not only an alarming amount of heedlessness and effrontery, but a worrying promiscuity.

"Lizzy, that may be, but why -- look, maybe it will turn out all right. Really. I mean, look at Kristy --"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, looking skeptical. "Listen, Lizzy, before you and Jen were worried about Kristy ending up silly and insipid, but look at her now --"

"I know you are," Liz retorted. I ignored this jab, and Elizabeth continued. "A lot longer to go between what Kristy used to be and Myra and Lynda. She may have been irritating, but never anything at all like them, never."

"Well, maybe, but --"

"Colin, what are you doing?" Lizzy interrupted.

"Doing?"

"Yes."

"Nothing."

"Colin..."

"What?" I asked innocently.

"What are you -- Are you trying to watch something over there?"

"There?" I asked, pointing discreetly to a table nearby.

"Noooo... around the corner."

"No!"

"Colin.."

"No!"

Lizzy looked at me narrowly, then rose. "I'm going to the ladies'," she announced haughtily.

"Okay," I said meekly. I sank back in my chair and pondered, quite sure that Lizzy's objective was not the ladies' room.

"Colin!" Lizzy snapped. My eyes flew open and I looked up at Elizabeth rather fearfully.

"Yes?"

Liz sat down, glaring at me. "So that's why we're here, is it?"

"Why?"

"Don't start that again," she warned.

"Errr... Well then. Not entirely..."

"Colin!!!" Elizabeth exploded.

"I..."

"We are leaving immediately."

"Lizzy!"

"Yes. You're taking me home right now."

"Elizabeth, please."

"I tell you, Colin, don't mess with me. Manipulating me into being your accomplice for spying on my friends definitely constitutes messing with me. We're going."

"I errrrr well you... you... If I'm conspiring, then you did too, just different motives and different means. I'm not going, and I think you're stuck with me."

To my surprise, Elizabeth sat down disdainfully. "Fine. We'll stay. I want you to see this."

"So, are you happy now?" I asked. "'Cause it's your fault."

"Lindsey and Jack? No."

"What? Didn't you get what you wanted?"

"No. I'm not happy. I thought it would probably happen, maybe you even could -- you will -- say that I gave it a push, but no, this isn't what, ideally, I wanted." Elizabeth gazed at me coolly.

This floored me. "WHAT??? You're saying you did this but really you don't want this but you purposely did this anyway and -- what???"

Lizzy shrugged. "Should have seen it coming, Wesley," she murmured. "You're shocked, aren't you?" she asked thoughtfully.

"Yes!"

"Hmmm. Good." Lizzy turned her attention back to her food.

"Elizabeth! Are you out of your mind? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what -- to you?" Lizzy asked shrewdly.

"Lizzy..."

She leaned forward. "Then why do you care?"

I frowned. "I don't know. I just can't understand it. I mean, if I were in love with Lindsey, well, then that would be that, no wonder I would be upset, but I'm not, so... I don't get it. I just know that I don't like it."

Elizabeth leaned back in her chair and regarded me for some time. "Are you jealous?" she asked, slowly and deliberately.

"What? Nooo, I am not jealous. I'm never jealous, Lizzy," I protested, annoyed.

She shrugged. "Very well. Carry on," she said airily, waving her fork in my direction. "Jack's extremely attractive, of course," Lizzy continued. "Funny too. Smart guy. Very nice, definitely a gentleman..."

"I never get jealous," I muttered.

"Why, then?" Elizabeth demanded sharply.

"Haven't we been through this already? I told you, I don't understand. I don't know why."

"Stop sulking."

"Stop being mean to me."

"You brought it upon yourself."

I noted Jack and Lindsey preparing to leave. "We're going now."

Lizzy peered around the corner. "Are you kidding? We're following them?"

"Yes," I said simply. "You agreed to this, you're going to stick through all of it. Of course, you don't have much choice, but it was your fault after all."

I expected an argument; however Elizabeth said merely, "Perhaps it will be an enlightening experience."

"For you or for me," I asked, but my attention was diverted by a familiar female voice. Rapidly, I ran through a catalogue of past female, ah, acquaintances. Nope, not there. I looked over in the direction of the voice and identified its source as a fluffy blonde; however, she was turned away from me and I couldn't see her face. Her companion, a man of about thirty who seemed somehow over-slick and suave, also seemed familiar, but I couldn't place him either. I examined them while waiting for the bill. I had a nagging feeling I should know who they were, but couldn't for the life of me remember.

"Colin? Are you coming?"

"Coming, coming," I murmured, dismissing the couple from my thoughts... I had more important things on my mind.

"Come on, Colin, he's just taking her home. Let's go now," Lizzy implored as I parked alongside the curb in front of Lindsey and Will's house.

I shook my head.

"Colin, really, this is beyond ridiculous."

I didn't reply, carefully studying the two figures standing on the Fitzdarcy porch talking.

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

"Colin," Lizzy begged.

"All I'm asking is for you to have a little patience."

"And all I'm asking you is to have a little sanity! Colin!!!"

"When we go, I'll tell you. Stop worrying."

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...
Hey Jealousy

Elizabeth threw herself back in her seat, groaning. "I should have dragged you out. Why did I even let you --"

"Shhh!!!" I said urgently. Lizzy shut up and looked out the window as well.

Lindsey had one hand on the doorknob, then slowly let go. Jack leaned over...

Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy

What? What?!?!?!? He was going to kiss her? What!?!?!!!!!!! And on their first date, which was hardly officially a date at all -- WHAT?!?!?! I've never... errrr... never mind.

Their lips touched.

I fell on the horn.

I jumped back as one would from a hot stove. "Stupid stupid stupid stupid..."

"Oh my God..." Elizabeth groaned.

And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down

Lindsey and Jack had turned at the sound of the horn and were staring at my car. At me. I tried to scrunch down, not easy in a small car when you're six feet, two inches. Lizzy looked like she didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or throttle me. I hoped she would choose the first, or at least the third, because I feel terrible when women cry. I never know what to do. Once, about four years ago, I had done either the best possible thing or the worst, maybe both, but definitely nothing in between. It was hard to tell which. But maybe that doesn't even matter now... or maybe...

Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you

Standing on tiptoe, Lindsey reached up and kissed Jack. My jaw dropped. "Forget everything I said before," I told Elizabeth. "Now I'm shocked."

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...
Hey Jealousy...

Lizzy began giggling uncontrollably. "I know," she gasped.

"What?" I demanded. "What's so funny???"

"Your eyes... never before... so wide..." Lizzy vainly tried to stifle her laughter against the seat.

Lindsey was still kissing Jack.

"Enough already..."

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy

"I'm sorry," Lizzy giggled.

"No... not... you..." I said desperately.

With a little hiccup, Elizabeth stopped giggling and looked out the window. "Oh, Colin..."

"Lizzy?" I essayed uncertainly. "I'm beginning to think... maybe... this wasn't such a good idea..."

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

"Oh, Colin..." she said again. "Colin, Colin, Colin." Suddenly she broke off and looked at me sharply. "You didn't honk on purpose, did you?" she asked suspiciously.

"On purpose? Good lord, no. ...She's gonna kill me, isn't she?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Oh yeah. There are a few things I'd like to blast you on as well, but I don't believe in kicking a man when he's down. It wouldn't be fair."

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place
Hey Jealousy...

"I'm not down."

"Oh Colin, you are so down."

"No I'm not."

"You are and it's all the worse because you won't even realize it."

Hey Jealousy
She took my heart
Well there's only one thing I can start...

"I'm not down," I said stubbornly. "I'm fine." Instinctively, I reached down and switched tracks on the CD. "Everything's fine."

I didn't ask, they shouldn't have told me
At first I laughed but now
It's sinking in fast, whatever they sold me
But baby

"No, I don't think so."

"Everything's fine," I reiterated. "Lindsey, sure, she'll be annoyed with me for a few days, but then it will pass. She'll come round. And then, she'll... everything's fine."

I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Til I hear it from you

"She's furious," Elizabeth said.

It gets hard, when memory's faded
And who gets what they say
It's likely they're, just jealous and jaded
or maybe

"I disagree. I think she's irritated."

I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Til I hear it from you

Lizzy sighed. "Colin, I swear, at this moment she hates you."

I can't let it get me off
Break up my train of thought
As far as I know nothing's wrong
Til I hear it from you

Still thinking about not living without it
Outside looking in, till we're talking about
Not stepping around it
Maybe

I was silent for a long minute. "No." I closed my eyes. "Everything's fine," I murmured.

I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Til I hear it from you

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked as Liz switched the CD back to the previous track.

She shrugged. "I didn't think you would mind. Do want me to change it back?"

"Yes -- no, fine, leave it if you want. I don't care."

I sighed. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"No."

"What? You've been demanding to be taken home all night."

"Well you're not taking me home now."

"Why?" I asked doubtfully. "What do you want to do?"

"We're just going to drive around. You don't even have to talk... but you might want to, even if you don't think so now. When I say you can stop, you can take me home, but you're not ready yet."

I didn't even bother to put up an argument or ask why. I just drove.

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place
Hey Jealousy...

Hey Jealousy and Til I Hear it from You -- Gin Blossoms

Part 8: The Logic of Will Fitzdarcy

Posted on Wednesday, 27 December 2000

(Will)

Elizabeth is in love with Colin. It's obvious.

My sister has been in a bizarre mood -- or rather, moods -- ever since she came back from her date with... Who was it again? Someone from work... Richard? Jack? Sean? Andrew? Hmmm... Jack, yes, it was Jack. I think. Nice fellow, Lindsey could do worse, quite a bit worse, in fact.

At least... I think it was Jack ... what I remember most clearly is Lindsey saying, in a deliberately casual voice, "I saw Colin and Lizzy when we were out..."

Colin. Blast him. Why did he -- But then, he had always thought Elizabeth was a fantastic girl, had been friends with her since middle school, knew her as well as I could only dream of... I sighed, stretched out in my desk chair, thought about Elizabeth switching the tennis teams to be partners with Colin, pretending to sprain her ankle tennis, leaning over the picnic table towards Colin.

Then I thought about today in the computer room. Colin had voluntarily left us, and Lizzy, after a moment, had encouraged him to go. This seemed to be a hopeful point. No, wait -- it was just a camouflage. And if they thought a cover for their relationship was necessarily... oh dear. They were always together, laughing and talking... Colin... blast him...

"I kissed him," my sister announced matter-of-factly. I swiveled my chair around and saw Lindsey standing in my office doorway.

"Colin?" I asked confusedly.

"Jack!"

"Ah, yes," I murmured, feeling ridiculously pleased with myself. See, I knew it had been Jack.

"Jack," Lindsey repeated through her teeth. "Jack. I kissed Jack."

Uh-oh. Lindsey leaned against the wall and glared at me, pressing her hands together tightly. "I like Jack," she added defensively, as if she expected this to be challenged.

"Okay," I said doubtfully. It wasn't as if I had any objections to the guy. Why was Lindsey glaring at me like that and just what did she mean by these assertions? She didn't expect me to forbid her to see him or anything, did she? My sister is twenty-four. What did she think I was going to try to do?

"I like Jack," Lindsey reiterated firmly, then turned and stomped down the attic stairs.

"Strange strange strange," I murmured. She had been like this all night. Was this something I should pursue? I pondered for a moment, then followed her path from my attic office to the third floor, down another staircase, to the other end of the second floor, back up another staircase to Lindsey's half of the third floor (house... too... big...), and to her bedroom door... which slammed shut twenty seconds before I reached it. Very well. Perhaps this was not something I should pursue. What sounded like a high-heeled shoe hit the door. Definitely not something I should pursue.

"No? Thanks Jen... make her call me when she's back... no, I don't care how late it is, make her. Trust me, Lizzy will know what it's about."

I halted mid-step. My sister slammed her phone back into the receiver. I glanced nervously at my watch. 12:17. Had I really been listening to my sister storm around the house for nearly two hours? ...And more importantly -- it was past midnight and Elizabeth was still out with Colin Wesley...

Another loud thunk indicated that the shoe's companion had hit the door. I decided to get out before everything hit the wall. Or maybe it already had.

"Lizzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At my sister's screech, I gazed blearily at the red numbers on my alarm clock. 2:38. What the devil had Elizabeth been doing with Colin until two-thirty in the morning? Most of my ideas ran along the same lines and were too depressing to contemplate. I poured another glass of brandy.

"What happened to you?" my sister commented flippantly at breakfast the next morning.

"Shut up," I growled. Raising an eyebrow, Lindsey tossed me a bottle of aspirin. "What makes you think I need this?" I asked, swallowing a couple.

"You're taking it, aren't you?" she retorted.

We munched breakfast in silence. After several minutes of stealthy glances at my sister, I finally burst out, "All right -- so how long has this thing between Colin and Elizabeth been going on?"

Lindsey stared at me blankly. "Colin and Liz? Um, Will, what do you mean? They're not --"

I sighed. "Linnnnddseeeeeeeeey... what do you know?"

"I know that they're not seeing each other or whatever your paranoid imagination has concocted," she scornfully, taking her dishes to the sink.

I gazed at her. "Ahmmmm... well, you know, they don't have to be officially... they could be just... errrrrrr..." I hinted discreetly.

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "Good Lord. What's wrong with you, Will? Colin and Lizzy? Are you out of your mind? Oh, right, never mind."

I gave up, deciding any further prodding would only corrupt my innocent and naive (if sarcastic) little sister. Suffice to say, she doesn't know Colin the way I know Colin... well, not regarding a few certain things, that is. Odd, Lindsey knows the office gossip as much as the best of them, but whenever it concerns Colin, she's clueless. And no one enlightens her -- ever. It's a tacit agreement -- no one knows why we do it, and no one asks... we just do. I have a vague idea that Colin wants her sheltered from this, but I can't think why.

"Will. Will." I snapped out of my reflections.

"What?"

"Want some toast with your sugar?" I looked down and found I was still holding a saltshaker of cinnamon sugar over my toast. Oops. I took a bite of toast, sending the sugar spraying all over me. Argh. Maybe Lindsey had a credible point when she said I wasn't a morning person.

"I'm leaving for work," I announced, heading out the door.

I watched them out of the corner of my eye. Elizabeth leaned against the wall, arms crossed and frowning. Colin leaned over her, one hand against the wall and smiling and shaking his head to contradict something she was insisting.

"You'll have to broach the subject sometime," said Liz as they passed by me. "And soon."

"No I won't," Colin replied, still smiling confidently.

"Yes, you will -- and if you don't, I will," she threatened.

"Lizzy!" Colin exclaimed.

"You've got to do something Colin. Otherwise it will just keep getting worse and worse and --"

"I don't see this as a problem at all. Nothing's wrong; everything's fine," he insisted.

"Idiot. How can you not see how messy this can become? How messy it already is?"

"Because it isn't a mess and won't be one," Colin replied calmly. "Much as I love you Lizzy, you worry too much."

I froze. What were they talking about?!??!!!?

No sooner did I turn around than did an even more horrifying sight greet me. Billiard Burg stared lecherously at Lizzy, who was leaning over the schedule sheet. How DARE he??!?!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to intervene but was not sure how to go about this tastefully.

"What do you want?" Lizzy snapped.

"Miss Benedict," said Billy eagerly. "El-iz-a-bethhhhh." She glared at him. "I was wondering... but of course... because surely, such a beautiful and exquisite rosebud... no, flower... No -- Lily! as yourself... I am sure you must of course, but by any chance, if perhaps you do not, you could make me the most delightful man in the world... no, galaxy -- UNIVERSE! ...but I am sure that of course you have a.. boyfriend..."

"Yes," said Elizabeth, very firmly. Colin chuckled, then, with a glance at Billy, then at Liz, slid a protective hand on her waist. Lizzy seemed faintly surprised at first, then shrugged and whispered something in Colin's ear, making him laugh. Billy, looking mortified, scurried away.

I wanted to leave as well, but seemed rooted to the spot. "William..." a feline voice purred against my neck. I leapt into the air.

"Nine-point-four!" Jack called out, to my utter confusion. Colin clapped. I glared at the two humorists, then turned apprehensively to face Carol.

"My name is Willis," I informed her.

She laughed affectedly. "I'm so sorry, darling." I cringed.

"Yes?" I demanded.

"Oh, Will, lighten up. Aren't you in the mood for a little small talk?"

"No," I said shortly.

"Ah! You're so shy! Poor thing." Carol yawned ostentatiously. "Ahhhh! I'm so tired. I was out late at dinner last night -- with an old friend."

Clearly I was supposed to reply. "Ummm... I hope you had a pleasant time," I said, politely.

"Simply Wonderful!" she gushed. "He is someone I knew from New York City -- he's moving up here. It was so nice to see him again. I've missed him terribly," she sighed.

If it was Carol's objective to make me jealous, she was failing miserably. "I'm glad you had a nice time," I said courteously, edging off to escape.

Colin was staring at us, looking as if he had just had a shock. "I've got to talk to you," he said seriously, putting a hand on my shoulder.

Part 9: Stepping Around It

Posted on Saturday, 30 December 2000

(Colin)

Will stared at me for a full two minutes before, "I'm sorry, I don't accept that." He turned and walked coolly away.

I chased him down. "Hey, hey. What do you mean, you don't accept that?"

Will gazed at me calmly. "I'm afraid I can't believe you. You must simply be mistaken. I don't blame you of course, easy error to make, I am sure. Still, I thank you for your concern," he said in a clipped voice.

"WILL!" I shouted. Okay, bad move. Lou replaced the phone receiver he had started to pick up, Julie frowned, and several customers at the Asian wokery turned to stare at me. I gazed around the busy prepared foods/cafe area. It was, after all, lunchtime. Finally, I dragged Will to the nearest private area, which was ... the men's' room. (What? Women do it all the time, just in the ladies' room, of course.)

I spoke slowly and carefully, using small words Will was sure to understand. "I saw him. Last night. With Carol Ann. Having dinner. While I was out with Lizzy."

"No, I am afraid you are mistaken," said Will quietly, turning to leave. I lunged and blocked the door.

"Will, I saw Geoff Hollwick! I am NOT mistaken! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND. How do you think I could be mistaken about him, after all he did to your company -- to you -- and to Bing, Fletcher ... and Gard, Clarence ... me, even ... after what he did to Lindsey?" I felt my throat muscles constrict as the anger against Geoff regarding her began to rise.

Will looked at me serenely. "If you could not be mistaken, why is it only now that you realize it?"

"Will..." I groaned. "I only saw them as we were leaving. I, um, well had my mind on other things -- " a tight choking sound from Will " -- it was late, I was tired ... I mean, I haven't seen him for four years, but then when I heard Carol, dinner, friend from New York, well, everything began to connect."

"Hrm," said Will noncommittally.

"I told you about the fluffy blonde, right?" I demanded, almost jumping up and down. "That was her! That was her! But I only saw the back of her head and heard her voice. But I did see the guy's -- Geoff's -- face. And you know, Carol was starting to get friendly with Geoff just before he left, and she just came back from New York City --"

"How many men 'friends' do you think Carol has in New York?" Will asked dryly.

"As far as we know, Geoff is -- was -- in New York."

"Geoff is in Sing-Sing," Will muttered. But I thought it was beginning to sink in.

"Perhaps he should be, but he isn't. He's here."

Will was silent. I leaned against the counter, balanced on ankle on the other, and waited patiently. Finally, Will looked back up at me. "Colin ... I still believe you are mistaken ... but I believe I should keep an open mind about this..."

I nodded. Coming from him, this was better than it sounded. He just didn't want to admit anything yet, and poor guy, it was quite a shock.

...And oh dear God, there was still Lindsey. She didn't know yet ... she would have to know. I stopped halfway out the bathroom door, let go of the handle. Weakly, I leaned against the wall, beside an even weaker Will. Lindsey, Lindsey...

"Colin," murmured Will quietly. "Why didn't you tell me you and Elizabeth are in love?"

I stared at him. Then I burst out laughing.

"Colin, I wish you wouldn't trifle with me," said Will reproachfully, about three hours after the bathroom incident.

I sighed. "Will, please, I've told you ... God knows, over and over again..."

"I just can't believe -- "

"Okay Will, listen to me. I don't date her. I don't sleep with her. I don't make out with her in the back of a car. I don't kiss her -- well, actually, I did once, but that was seven or eight years ago and I think really there's some kind of statute of limitations on that -- "

"You kissed her?" Will asked plaintively.

I groaned. Should have known better than to have mentioned that. "Yes," I explained patiently. "It was New Year's Eve, senior year." I shrugged. "Well, we were both single, and it was a party and most of the people there were coupled off, and well, we both wanted to kiss somebody -- I mean, it's tradition."

"So you had to pick Lizzy??!?"

I closed my eyes and said patiently, "Yes, because we were almost the only people not paired off -- and more importantly, we were friends, Will, friends. That isn't the same as 'we are tacitly engaged.' I am not in love with Elizabeth, and she is most certainly not in love with me. I don't think I'm quite her type," I added thoughtfully.

Will eyed me suspiciously. I was flabbergasted. Will flatly refused to believe me (though I thought he was beginning to come round) when I told him Geoff Hollwick was back. But when I tried to disabuse him of the ridiculous notion that Elizabeth Benedict and I were in love, he was equally, if not more obstinate. No! That's not what you're supposed to do when you think the girl's in love with another guy. You confidently (even blindly, if necessary) cling to every last shard of hope, because that's the only way she will swing back over to your side, duh.

I tried another tack. "Take Lindsey. We're friends, too, and am I in love with her? Noooo, is she in love with me? Noooo. No, we're just friends, completely and utterly platonic, and there has never been anything more to it than that."

Actually, this was not quite true, but I felt rather averse to telling Will this as
A) It would be detrimental to my case; and
B) He was her brother after all.

However, that didn't matter anyway, since the first time she was only sixteen, it was her first kiss ... The second time ... was a little more complicated. I could argue that it was only the circumstances; she was distraught, I was consoling, but that wasn't quite true either ... But what the hell, it was an unmitigated disaster, in a quiet way.

"Colin ... Colin," repeated Will impatiently, looking as if he half believed me to be daydreaming about Elizabeth.

"What? Sorry."

"What about the Billy incident? She said she had a boyfriend?"

I laughed. "Really, Will -- if Carol had said the same thing to you, wouldn't you say you had a girlfriend and take hold of the nearest available female, save for maybe Myra or Lynda? Okay, well maybe you wouldn't, but you're not as pragmatic as Lizzy." I grinned. "Actually, Liz just said she had a boyfriend -- I added the rest of the embroidery for her benefit. Hey, I think it worked, don't you?"

Will stared at me fish-faced for a long time, then shook his head. "So impulsive," he murmured. I could tell his brain was beginning to resume coherent thought.

I felt a hand on my back and turned. "Can you give me a ride home?" Lizzy asked.

"Sure, no problem," I replied pleasantly, as I turned red. Bloody great timing you have, Liz. Will's doubtful look had returned. As Lizzy was standing right beside me, I had to make do with vigorous but tiny shakes of the head and a mouthing of "It's fine," accompanied by an imploring look.

"I've been pleading your case," Elizabeth told me after Will left.

"To Lindsey?"

"Mm-hmmm. Incidentally, mine as well..."

"Sorry..."

"Yeah, well ... you'll learn ... I hope. But as I said, I've been trying to return you to grace -- a good deal more than you deserve --" she glared at me " -- but it is ah, not going so well..."

"Give it time," I assured her.

"Um ... right. No Colin, I really don't think you get it --"

"It's been what, twelve hours?" I interrupted. "Give it some time, Lizzy. Is she still mad at you?"

"Actually, no, hardly at all. Just a bit reproachful ... but you --"

"Yeah, yeah, she's annoyed. Yeah, yeah, I deserve it. You know, I haven't even seen her since then, not even spoken with her, even. Just give me a chance, things will get straightened out, I know," I said confidently.

Lizzy regarded me coolly. "Colin, got a spare piece of paper on you?"

"Ummm..." I fumbled around in my pockets, gave up, and stole one of George's management newsletters. "Here."

"Thanks." Liz crumpled the paper into a ball, then threw it squarely at my forehead. I blinked. "Wake up, dolt."

I was speechless.

"Exciting night, kids?" inquired a polite baritone behind my back. I started -- Jaaaaacckk...

I turned around very slowly. Lizzy was flushed; I could feel the color rising in my own face. "Errr ... sorry about that..."

Jack's expression was something halfway between amusement and irony. "Still got the older brother thing going, eh?"

"Ahhhh ... yeahhh?" I more asked than said.

Somewhere in the confusion of my mind I heard a "Hey, Lizzy." I froze. Lindsey??!!!

I turned, saw her talking to Elizabeth, milk in one hand and peaches in the other. One step then another, a disarming smile, a light hand on her shoulder, "Lindsey ... I think we should talk --"

The shoulder beneath my hand tightened, as did her lips. Without a word she was gone. I stared after her, astounded. And I caught the look in her eyes...

"But I think you can trust me," said Jack imperturbably, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. Please Jack, just kill me now ... because Lindsey will take me apart.

"And hey," Jack finished, with a grin," I'm not you."

"Uh-huh..." I mumbled vaguely.

Lizzy was shooting me a pointed glare. I took a deep breath. "Everything's fine."

Kristen Benedict was leaning over a textbook, chewing viciously on a pencap. She looked up when she saw me and Elizabeth enter the room. "Oh hi Lizzy, I know I said I'd go shopping tonight but you and Jen better go without me."

"Studying hard to be boss?" I teased.

"Yep," Kristy grinned.

"Ah, good businesswoman."

"That's what I'm trying to be," she replied sweetly.

I bent over and tilted my head to see her book. "Economic principles?" I asked cheerfully.

"Yes ... it's been rough going. Andy and I were planning to study game theory together like we always do, but he has to work tonight, so we're trying to sort it out on our own."

"Ah, I see." I raised my eyebrows. "And see, you have an economics major with nothing to do for the rest of the evening standing right here ... what do you think the logical thing to do would be?"

Kristen looked at me archly. "Ask him if he would like some pizza?"

"Excellent," I smiled, pulling up a chair next to her.

Part 10: Diplomatic Ties

Posted on Wednesday, 10 January 2001

(Lindsey)

I scuffled my feet through the dirt beneath the swing. It had been nearly two weeks and I was still mad at Colin... it had been nearly two weeks and Colin was still utterly clueless. Or maybe that could also be, it had been nearly ten years and Colin was still utterly clueless. Utterly clueless and utterly frustrating.

Someone dropped into the swing next to me. I glanced over -- Colin. Lips tightening, I stood up and started away. Without a word.

I was stopped by Colin's grasp on the back of my windbreaker. "Just a second, missy," he said, in one of his unexpected moments of firmness. "You're going to sit down and you're going to talk to me."

My chin lifted. "No," I replied disdainfully, not turning around. Tugging my jacket out of his grasp, I tried to walk away again, as quickly as possible, but his hand was on my shoulder now. Fingers digging into my sides, teeth gritting, toes curling in my shoes, I took a slow breath. "No. I don't want to talk to you -- I am not talking to you. I'm going, and you're staying."

"That's where you're entirely wrong," murmured Colin's voice, still firm, just above my ear. He must have been bending over to sound that close. I shot out another foot, and Colin's hand on my shoulder tightened. "I knew your father, Lindsey, and I know he taught you better manners than that."

I turned and glared at him, then haughtily returned to the swings. Colin sat down on the swing next to me, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "Will said that you had gone out for a walk," he remarked. "I've been trying to follow you for the past hour."

"Yes, you do that, don't you," I shot back.

Colin shrugged. "I came to apologize. I've been wanting to for the past two weeks -- but you wouldn't let me."

"Colin," I burst out, "do you even have any idea why I've been angry?"

"Well, there was the Jack thing, that I assume --"

"No, Colin -- not what -- why."

"Hmm. I think I see. Well then, no, not entirely at least."

I was silent.

"Care to enlighten me?" Colin inquired softly.

I looked at him and hesitated, met the dark blue-grey eyes and nearly -- I shook my head. "No," I whispered.

"That's fine," he replied easily, with a sweet smile.

I looked down. Resting my chin on my hands, I closed my eyes, swinging very slightly.

"Lindsey." Colin's voice came from a new direction. Confused, I opened my eyes and looked up, then down. Colin was perched on the wood containment next to my swing. "Linz, I hate it when you're mad at me. Don't be mad at me." He smiled slightly. "Talk to me again. Please, Lindsey. I'm sorry."

"I --" I began. "Yeah..." He always wins. Always.

Colin shuffled across the mulch on his knees and squatted down next to my swing. "One thing," I said. "No more little surveillance expeditions, okay?"

Colin grinned, stretched out his arm and grasped my hand, and stood, pulling me up with him. "Okay."

"And be nice to Jack."

"I am nice to Jack! What do I tell you, he's my friend."

"Fine -- then stop being so critical."

"Fair enough."

Something jarred my lighter mood. "No Colin -- it's not fair," I said quietly.

"What isn't? Certainly it isn't not being critical of Jack --"

"No -- it isn't that... it's the whole situation... it's everything."

Colin watched me steadily. "You're not going to tell me anything beyond that, are you?" I looked down. "No... you're not. And I'm not going to understand, and I might not even if you told me. But hey --" he pushed back a lock of my hair and rested his hand on my shoulder "-- just tell me next time I screw up."

I smiled slightly. "Okay."

"Good. Then we are diplomatic again?"

"Oh, better than that..."

"Excellent." Colin leaned over and kissed my forehead lightly. I glanced up in surprise, meeting his eyes. He smiled faintly. I felt myself blushing, then flush even more deeply out of the realization. Think, Lindsey, think. Think think think think think...

Suddenly, I remembered the last time he had done that -- different time, different setting, much different circumstances -- but the same gesture nonetheless. I bit my lip. Stop thinking.

I smiled to myself as Colin rifled through the CDs he had in his car. It was only ten minutes, tops, from the library to my house. But Colin loves music, as evidenced by his highly expansive (in terms of both size and variety) CD collection.

Colin's car and the soundtrack of When Harry Met Sally started almost simultaneously.

(

*If they asked my, I could write a book
About the way you walk, and whisper, and look.
I could write the preface
On how we met
So the world could never forget.

I shot him an impassive sideways look, but a smile began to quirk at the edge of my lips.

"Hey, are you making fun of me?"

"Of course not," I laughed.

"I can sing! I'll have you know that I was in the fifth grade chorus."

"I can tell --"

"Thank you."

"Tell that your vocal music career never extended past the fifth grade -- "

"Hey!" Colin resumed singing with even more zest than before.

And the simple secret of the plot
Is just to tell them that I love you a lot.
Then the world discovers
As my book ends,
How to make two lovers
Of friends.

When we arrived at my house, Bing Charleston was laying on the front lawn, staring elatedly at the clouds, while Will conversed patiently from the front step.

"He on something?" Colin inquired, indicating Bing's recumbent figure with his foot.

"Nah. He's just happy. He finally asked Jen Benedict out and she said yes."

"Ah, good for him. It's about time."

"She's perfect," Bing's dreamy voice interjected. Colin, Will, and I exchanged amused looks far above Bin's head. He lifted himself up on his elbows. "Carley says I should get her flowers. You think that's a good idea?" Bing's brown eyes shifted to each of us expectantly. "Lindsey? What do you think? You're a girl," he observed.

"Flowers are good --"

"Yeah, Bing, flowers are definitely good," Colin lectured reminiscently. "Especially if you're going to --" Will slapped him across the back and Colin shut up.

"Please don't listen to him," Will muttered.

"Well, I think they would be good," Bing ventured, "but Carley said once that women usually display more affection than they feel -- at least at first -- so maybe Jen will see the flowers and think that I'm acting like a woman and showing more affection than I feel and then she'll be upset and then --"

"No, I really don't think she's going to be thinking that," Will interrupted impatiently.

"It was just a theory," said Bing meekly.

"So what was the big blow up in the accounting office this morning?" Andrew Dennison asked.

Kristen groaned. "I must admit -- I did lose my temper..."

"You?" asked Andy, surprised.

"Yeah... well. But they were being so mean! And so... so... hypocritical." I looked up; Kristy's temper, usually nearly as tranquil as her oldest sister Jen's, seemed about to flare again. "It's not fair. Because so many of those ditzes in the accounting office are well... well... it's not nice, but really, they are --"

"Sluts?" Andrew asked bluntly.

"Andy!" Kristy slapped the back of his head. "Okay, well yes. And then Lynda..." Kristen groaned again.

"Lynda?" Andy prompted.

"Yeah... well, you know Lynda."

Andy also groaned. "Sadly, I do."

"Andrew... you are not helping..."

"Sorry. So, Kristy, what was it about?"

Kristen Benedict blushed. Some odd prick of instinct or intuition caused me to look up again and watch the two narrowly.

"Yeahhh... well, Lynda told them about me and Colin... and then Myra added in her bit and they were all teasing me about it--"

"Yes, Colin in quite the man around here," said Andrew shortly.

"Errr... yeah. But what wasn't fair was they are all -- as you put it -- sluts, while Colin just kissed me... well, then I lost my temper, I suppose."

Colin? Colin??? I wanted to run. But I forced myself to stay and try to listen to the rest of Andrew and Kristy's conversation, and I think I would have remained paralysed even if I had attempted to flee. Colin...

"That was the night we were going to go over game theory but I had to work, right?" Andy inquired casually, but unable to keep the sour note out of his voice.

"Yeah. And then Colin offered to help me with it, and later he kissed me... and then Lynda burst in with my parent's key... she got a kick out of it, I can tell you."

"Mmm-hmm..." muttered Andy.

"And so, she told all her friends here... and since not only had they not had much Colin-gossip in the last couple of months, which is rare, with him, but it involved me, so they had a field day."

"Mmmm-hmmm..." said Andy, even more tightly this time.

I could feel the color draining from my face. What did Kristy mean, "not only had they not had much Colin-gossip in the last couple of months, which is rare, with him"? What did he do, what weren't they -- everyone -- telling me?

"Although," continued Kristy thoughtfully, "much as I like Colin, I'm thinking it probably isn't a good idea. I mean, this is the guy who had -- what was it -- seven girlfriends this year alone, just from Wegmans, and who knows what else..." Kristen laughed. "No, definitely not something I want to get myself into."

"Hey, Lindsey!" I turned around and saw Colin. My lips tightened. "Hey, something wrong?"

I found it impossible to put what I was thinking into words. I wasn't even sure what I was thinking.

"Hey! I thought we were diplomatic again!" Colin called after me as I walked rapidly away.

I glared at Jack accusingly. "So you know, too."

"Well yes, really Lindsey, pretty much everyone knows about Colin... consummate flirt, always the charmer -- well, that much I suppose you know... but so he has a high changeover rate, shall we say, and all that." Jack chuckled. "Remember Linz, I was his pal all through college, so I know... Colin's always been like this, you must know that, but he's not even twenty-five. It's a phase -- well, granted, quite a long phase. He'll grow out of it, I suppose... the real point is -- why does this upset you so much?"

I faltered under Jack's sharp gaze, and somehow, I thought he had a pretty shrewd idea already. I didn't answer directly. "But then why have I never known?"

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Why do you think?" he asked rhetorically. "Sooo... is it that you're upset because everyone else seems to know and you were kept completely in the dark?"

"I don't know..." I said slowly. I closed my eyes briefly. "I don't know. Why does this bother me so much..."

Jack leaned against the back of a register and crossed his arms. "Hmmm, yes. Why indeed?" he asked, again in the rhetoric tone.

"Jack..."

He raised his eyebrows, the blue eyes penetrating and cool.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out.

"Oh? And for what?" And yet again, there was a rhetorical edge to the calmly posed question.

Jack's steady, piercing gaze was beginning to unnerve me. I gave up and fled after a few hasty, desperate words, and set off in search of Lizzy.

"Can you give me a ride home?"

"Why? I thought you were going with Col --"

"No."

"Why --"

"No," I repeated flatly.

"What's going on between you two? I thought everything was patched up --"

"It was."

"Lindsey," Elizabeth murmured. "What happened?"

"I... Lizzy! Why's he like this!" I wailed incoherently.

Elizabeth stared at me for a few moments before comprehension dawned. "Oh dear Heavens... the bomb has finally fallen, hasn't it."

"Elizabeth!"

"I told him for years... she's going to find out sometime, why does it matter, anyway, it's Lindsey, not your Aunt -- ex-Aunt -- Camilla, she's not going to give you hell for it or anything... but noooo, he always had to be like this..." Elizabeth snorted impatiently. "Idiot men. They never think ahead. They always figure everything will be fine and then just look what drops out of the sky on them. Well... it's Colin's mess he has to deal with -- and it wouldn't be a mess at all if he hadn't had this ridiculous 'please please no one tell Lindsey anything' policy." I tried to say something but Elizabeth, after a brief snort, continued her ramble. "And he doesn't know why he's doing it -- I could tell him, I bet, but he'd never believe me and he has to figure it out for himself. However, I do believe we may have made some progress; I should try shock therapy more often with him."

I blinked, momentarily confused almost entirely out of my anger. "But..." I began.

Too late. Elizabeth had taken a deep breath and seemed about to launch into another convoluted ramble. Instead, "Colin!"

I glared at her and started to go, but Lizzy took hold of my arm and held me back. "I think there are some things you should discuss with Lindsey. Oh! You're going home now and so is she. Good, she needs a ride."

"Lizzy!" I subdued the screech just in time, and Elizabeth was gone anyway. My fingers dug into the insides of my elbows.

Colin looked confused. "Something wrong?"

"No. Nothing at all." I turned to leave, but Colin turned me back around.

"Yes there is. What is it? -- No, you're not going to give me the silent treatment again. Tell me what's wrong."

"I -- You --" I stopped. "No, I don't need a ride with you. Lizzy is taking me --"

"I think not," said Colin, eyeing my warily.

"I'm not," Elizabeth called as she walked past us. "You can, right Colin?"

"Sure."

"Damn you, Lizzy!" I exploded, frustrated. Fine. I need a car. Then I couldn't be manipulated by Liz into having to go with Colin, when Colin was the last person I wanted to talk to. I looked at him. "Why --" I began, then gave up. Colin caught my wrist.

"No. Tell me."

"You're not fair." Hot angry tears began to prick at my eyes. No. No. The last thing I wanted was to start crying.

"I'm not fair," Colin repeated slowly, watching me. "Why?"

"Because! You... you... I go out with Jack once and you completely lose it, criticize him, spy on me... And meanwhile, you... you and all your dalliances --"

"Hmmm." Before I knew what was happening, Colin had led me to a bench in a corner and we sat down.

"--Which everyone apparently knows all about except for me, and that is what isn't fair. Because Colin, do you have any idea how ridiculous I feel? And how --" I paused, then in a rush, "and it isn't fair that you... that you do all this to me when you have made it so clear that you will never want to... pursue me." I trailed off, stood up. "Or I don't know," I continued wearily. "Maybe that's what makes it fair after all. I don't even know why I care anymore."

Colin stared at me, then seeing I was about to leave, pressed his car keys into my hand. "Please Lindsey. Go wait for me and I'll be right out... we can talk about this then --"

"No. We will not."

"...if you want."

I found myself undecided in the parking lot. I didn't have to go with him... but... I surrendered and unlocked Colin's dark grey car.

**The months roll past the love that you struck dead
Did you love me only in my head?
Things you said and did to me
Seemed to come so easily
The love I thought I´d won you give for free

Whispers at the bus stop
I heard about nights out in the school yard
I found out about you
I found out about you
Rumors follow everywhere you go
Like when you left and I was last to know

I turned off the music as the frustrated, angry tears materialized. Why, I wondered, had he sent me ahead of him to the car? Miserably, I reflected that it was probably Colin's inherent thoughtfulness -- he knew I was upset, and was going to give me a few minutes. I brushed away the tears and composed myself as I saw him heading towards the car.

Colin got in and shot me a look. "Lindz..."

Looking straight ahead, I didn't reply.

He tried again. "Lindsey... " He gave up. "All right."

Once at my house, I stormed up the stairs without greeting Will (besides, he was an accomplice) and slammed my door.

I love him, I hate him, I love him, I hate him, I love him... I love him... I love him...

Part 11: Mister Wonderful

Posted on Thursday, 22 March 2001

Four years ago...

"It's not your fault. Please... don't blame yourself."

Lindsey Fitzdarcy looked across the kitchen table, then back into her mug of hot chocolate. "No... it was me."

Colin Wesley swished around the liquid in his own mug and tried again. "No, really Linz. It was him, all him... "

"But -- "

"No." He said this in a tone of such firmness and finality that Lindsey was reluctant to dispute him, regardless of what she thought.

It was well past sunset and the tears and the shaking had finally stopped. Lindsey looked out the dark window and thought suddenly of her brother, recovering in the hospital after a recent bad fall from a ladder. They would have to tell him tomorrow... or soon, she realized with a sinking feeling. Will's dream down the sink just because she was just so... so...

Colin took another sip of hot chocolate. "And," he added, "I knew something was amiss with all those records -- I've taken accounting. But I wasn't sure... so I didn't say anything. Maybe I should have... yes, I think I should have. But I didn't, and that was my mistake, and you know what? It might have changed everything. So if you were wrong, so was I -- and so was Will, so was Bing, and Fletch... even Uncle Gardiner and Uncle Clarence. But we were mistakenly wrong, had the best of intentions -- maybe you could say, we were holding out for the best in human nature, thinking maybe some of these finances were out of whack, but it must be a mistake or something, no one is doing something deliberately." He stopped and grinned in self-disparagement. "Hey, all that make any sense?"

Lindsey finally smiled. "Just a little, but not bad for you."

"Yeah..." Colin rolled his eyes, then resumed a more somber tone. "So don't tell me that what you did was in any way similar to what Geoff did to us. He meant to wreck things, and steal, and hurt people, and..." Colin paused for breath; his voice softened and he smiled faintly, reassuringly, taking Lindsey's hand across the table. "Your brother isn't going to be mad at you. Trust me. At Geoff -- oh, definitely -- and Lindz, far more because of what he's done to you than to what he's done to the company."

"Colin," said Lindsey slowly, "about Will and his accident, you know... ladders don't move themselves..." She looked up at him pensively.

He returned her serious look. "I know. And we're not going to be able to prove anything."

"I know..." Lindsey subsided into silence again. Colin released her hand and leaned back in his chair, pausing for a minute to consider how best to phrase this.

"And well... with you there was that... emotional entanglement... that the rest of us didn't have to deal with, so..." He left the sentence unfinished, watching her intently.

Lindsey flushed and stared into her hot chocolate. "I --" She traced a little pattern in the tablecloth with her finger. "He said he was in love with me," she whispered. She looked up, met Colin's blue-grey eyes for a mere second, and looked down again. "No one's ever said that to me before..." she said in a small voice, with a wry little smile. She bent her head, her little finger tracing curlicues on the table again. But Colin saw the tears slide off her eyelashes and land in dark spots on the steel blue tablecloth.

Lindsey didn't hear the chair scrape back or the footsteps, but all of a sudden he was behind her, and his hands were on her shoulders.

"Hey," he drawled softly, "what about Phil Elton in seventh grade, eh? Or... eh... who was that -- John Thorpe in tenth and eleventh grade? And ahh...."

Lindsey giggled a bit. "Collllin.... You know that doesn't count --"

"Well, okay." He slid another chair next to her with his foot and sat down, facing her. "Hey, you're only twenty... I mean, why... Hey, I'm twenty and no one's ever said she's in love with me either -- Louisa Musgrove does not count."

"But..."

He looked down at her and smiled. "You're only twenty. What's the rush. Don't worry sweetheart, you've got plenty of time."

"But..." Lindsey began again, but trailed off because the only thought in her mind that was even half coherent was, of all things, that the tablecloth was almost exactly the color of Colin's eyes. She was lost in silence until Colin's next comment brought her back to reality with a shock.

"I mean, you're not in love with anyone, are you?"

Lindsey stared at him, speechless and miserable. "I..." she whispered finally.

Colin was frowning into his hot chocolate. "Maybe this wasn't such a great idea for the end of July, I'm thinking. Want some ice cream?" He moved to the freezer.

"I -- um... sure," replied Lindsey in confusion.

"Ice cream makes everything better," he said cheerfully. "Even when you find out that not all people are nice and it's terribly disillusioning." He spooned out generous helpings of ice cream into two bowls and brought them back to the table.

Lindsey stood up, walked over to his chair, and slid her arms around her shoulders. "You're nice," she murmured into his back.

Colin grinned. "Always." Then, with a grimace, he recalled Geoff Hollwick. Louse... "Unless I have a good reason not to be you know... I doubt Geoff is thinking I'm a very nice person right now, but that's just fine, believe me."

"What happened after you sent me to your car?" Lindsey asked.

"Not important. He's not going to bother you anymore, don't worry."

"Mmmm..."

Colin pursued his train of thought. "I have dwelling on this... but you know, the more I think about what he did to you, manipulating your emotions like that... the madder and madder I get... I mean, to tell you he loved you, that's just so --"

Lindsey crumpled.

"Hey..." said Colin softly. "It's okay. Come here..." He sat on the table and pulled her up, letting her cry on his shoulder. "It's not that bad... I mean, it'll feel better soon. I promise -- well, I can't promise anything, to br truthful, but --" A thought struck him that had never occurred before. "Lindz..." he murmured, tilting her chin up so he could see her face. "Be honest with me now -- you weren't... I mean... you didn't... love him... did you?"

Lindsey whispered something indistinct and shook her head. Then, she looked up, met his eyes, and said steadily, "No."

Colin watched her. "Good..."

"But I -- I think... sometimes, I did want to be in love with him, because -- well, I never was, though."

"Hmmm." A nebulous, elusive thought shot into Colin's brain as he tried to piece something together, unconsciously sliding his hand down Lindsey's back and around her waist.

Lindsey watched him as he pondered, and finally gave in... she kissed him.

"Linds...?" Colin began, thunderstruck. He trailed off, he could feel her eyelashes brush against her face... his other hand slipped around her back.

...Five minutes later his brain began to process normal thought again -- and one chain of thought came screaming into his mind. "Lindsey," he said desperately, "I'm so sorry sweetie but --" Her hands slid away from around his neck as she looked up at him. "You know I'm the last thing you need right now... well, you know me, and I... come on, Lindsey, I can't promise you anything -- you know how I operate, I'm... well, whatever, but something that would be good for you right now, definitely not -- I -- " He looked away from those hazel green eyes that were fixed on his face with... that look... oh dear.... "I'm such a flirt, and... yeah, whatever else you come up with I probably deserve, and... well, I -- I know, it's hard, what Geoff's put you through, and I'm your friend, and... so easy, just to fall back on, I understand, but... Oh, Lindsey, just so not something you need right now... yeah?"

Lindsey managed a faint smile. "I -- sure..."

"Well... good. And I'll stay with you tonight -- down here -- I mean Will away and... if you want me to of course... I think you should get some sleep."

Lindsey nodded, biting her lip. "Thanks..." she murmured, and fled the kitchen. She held back the tears until the reached the stairs, and it wasn't until she had closed the door to her room that she gave way fully to the devastation.

And Colin, arms crossed, chair tipped back, stared for long hours at the wall opposite, stunned by the confusion that had suddenly struck one of his closest friendships, until he finally fell asleep early the next morning.

Part 12: Nerve Endings

Posted on Friday, 30 March 2001

Elizabeth

"What are you doing??!?" Colin demanded as soon as Will had left (rather reluctantly, or so I would like to think.)

I glared at him. "Why did you have to do that?"

"No, I don't think so. You're answering first, Miss Lizzy."

"I am trying to evaluate Will's affections for me. So bug off."

"You are what!?!!" Colin exploded, aghast.

"Well, I was, until you sent him off," I added giving him a dirty look. "What did you do that for? You saw I was talking to him!"

"Lou needed to see him about some computer problem."

"Now?"

"Well... he said 'today.' I figured now was as good a time as any... plus I thought you might be up to something stupid. I see now that I was right."

Before I could retort I felt a tugging on my ponytail. I tilted my head back and found myself staring up into Richard Prescott's warm brown eyes. "Everything all right over here?" he queried doubtfully in his deep voice.

"Of course."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Colin added crankily.

Richard raised an eyebrow. "Okay... ah, Lizzy, and be nice to Will, please."

"I was being very nice!" I exclaimed indignantly.

Colin muttered something sarcastic under his breath.

"Right..." said Richard with a sigh. "It gets so lonely, you know, being the only rational one around here..."

"Yes, well, you're special Richard. Don't worry," I said, beaming innocently.

"Yeah... whatever..." Colin muttered. I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow.

"And why do you think you need to be testing Will's affections for you?" he asked sardonically, as soon as Richard was out of earshot.

"I want to make sure he isn't trying to mess with my mind."

"Wait a minute -- who's messing with whose mind here? Because you know, from what I saw --"

"You mean from what you interrupted?"

"Fortunately. Why do you think he has some diabolical plan for you???"

"I don't. I'm just making sure." Colin rolled his eyes. "He always underestimates me," I snapped.

"Oh???"

"Yes! Like the first time I wrote an article for the school newspaper. Will was the editor of the news section and kept saying 'Oh no, you can't possibly handle that article, it's way too involve, so oh, why don't you try this one where you just have to interview the art teacher about the pottery exhibit, you puny little freshman.'"

"And using those exact words, of course."

"Shut up. Then in May I applied for an editorship for the next year, remember that? And even though I wrote mostly for Will's section -- and for most of the editions at least half the articles for news were written by only him and me --"

"If you detested him so much, why did you write for him all the time, instead of, say, the feature section?" Colin challenged.

I glared at him. Why was he being so irritating? "Because, news had the best articles, that's all -- "

"Oh, of course," said Colin airily. "Do go on."

Gaaahhh men...!!!!!!!!! "When the seniors were deciding, did he stick up for me at all? No! When they interviewed me, did Will ask me any questions about the articles I wrote? No!!! Instead, know what it was, Colin? 'Elizabeth, what special qualifications do you believe yourself to have that would entitle you to hold a position as a sophomore that nearly always goes to an upperclassman? Remember, Elizabeth, the news section is very important.' Can you believe that!?!! Oh, and yes Colin, it was in those exact words!"

"Well, you got the editorship in the end," Colin soothed.

I sniffed. "Yeah, because by November the next year the new editors-in-chief came crawling to me -- 'cause that snotty princess the seniors ended up picking was so under qualified the new chiefs had to kick her off to keep the news section functioning."

"Well, Lizzy, that wasn't really Will's fault, you know. Isabella Thorpe was the teacher's pet of the advisor and she had, let's call it 'urged' the seniors to pick Isabella to fatten up her resume for college."

"Still, Will could have tried to defend me instead of putting me on the defensive like that. And you know what Carol Ann told me his input on me was? 'Promising writer, but far too immature to be editor.' Me, immature!" I whacked Colin, who was routing around in the cabinet under the runner's podium. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for a sponge. You just pulverized your pen."

I looked down and swore; there was a sticky pool of navy ink on the surface of the podium. More ink was smeared across my right hand. Will!!! This was his fault. Colin mopped up the ink as I continued to fume.

"And then band -- "

"Band??"

"Yeah, remember, I was in senior band as a freshman? Well, it was really about 25% juniors, a sprinkling of sophomores, and a few other freshmen, 'cause they had to fill it up with the right balance... and anyway, I was the last trumpet in the row and Will was first chair trombone, so he sat next to me, and he was so, oooh..."

"Lizzy," Colin interrupted, "that was ten years ago."

"Yeah, so? Stop interrupting me for once. Will was always so arrogant and condescending and patronising -- what are you doing in this band, lowly freshman -- and when he talked to me it was, ohhh... it always like he was about to hand down some brilliantly insightful edict guaranteed to amaze the whole room, and so I, young grasshopper, must take care to pay attention for it should be handed down to posterity -- Oh, that is, when he deigned to talk to me, a lowly freshman, at all --"

"Oh my God, Lizzy," said Colin, rolling his eyes. "As you yourself have said so many times, you were a freshman. I repeat, this was ten years ago. I mean, you girls were still writing in your little pink diaries -- oh, sure, I could be wrong, I was never a fourteen-year-old girl... but I knew just a few of 'em, darlin' -- and giggling with your friends when your crush, like, seriously, actually talked to you, like really, can you believe he actually did that, like? Oh! And he *sigh* borrowed my pencil, omigod can you believe that? I just, like, really hope he didn't notice that I had, like *giggle* engraved his initials with a perfectly symmetrical heart around them... yeah? You saw it? Yeah, I painted the heart with pink nail polish, it was like such a great color..."

Colin paused and darted a glance at me before continuing. "He had to mark some notes on his music... wow, he actually deigned to talk to me -- Argh, Lizzy! Ooh oww oww owwwwww Lizzy! Liiiiiizzzzy!!!!!! Ack, you know, I use that arm for something! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, Lizzy!!!!!!!!!! What'd I do?"

"Colin!" I exploded, twisting his arm even tighter behind his back. Richard, on his way to responsibly handling something important, shot us a quizzical look, so I was forced to release Colin's arm.

"Sheesh, you're brutal, woman," he said, vigorously swinging his right arm and rotating his shoulder.

"Yeah, you deserved it," I spat. "You know I never talked like that."

"All right, so the diction was a bit extreme..." Colin leaned against a built-in cooler and smirked. "Heh heh."

"Stop it!"

"What?"

"That -- what -- what you're doing!"

"I'm standin' here, Lizzy!" Colin exclaimed innocently.

I ignored him and decided to dismiss the situation by turning my full attention to the task organizer. Colin leaned over my shoulder and ran his finger down the page. "Lizzy, I think you should --"

"Hey! I'm running the schedule," I said, slapping his hand. Colin yelped. "Oh you big baby, that didn't hurt."

"Well you see Lizzy, all the nerve ending in these fingers are over-sensitized because you tried to twist my arm off," he explained, still shaking his arm out.

"Then how about you keep your hands off my stuff," I retorted. "I'm boss lady now. Can you go over to reshops? I've got Kimmie sorting them out and she needs some help."

"Kimmie?!!" Colin's eyebrows shot up in alarm.

"Oh this is ridiculous. I can't believe you're afraid of a seventeen year old girl."

"I'm not afraid! She's evil! And she's mean to me," Colin insisted.

"Colin... go!"

"How about I help Shem instead?" he suggested hopefully.

"Stop whining Colin. Kimmie is a perfectly innocent girl --"

"Innocent?" Colin mouthed in disbelief.

"You're almost a foot taller than her, she can't do you too much harm," I said, giving him a shove.

"Hey, have either of you seen Kristy around?" Andrew asked, putting our argument on hold for the moment.

I wrinkled my nose, trying to remember. "Um, she went that way?" I said, pointing my arms in opposite directions. "Sorry."

Andy laughed. "All right, I'll keep looking. Thanks."

Colin watched Andy's retreating back thoughtfully. "He's got a thing for her, doesn't he?" he asked.

"My sister? Oh yeah."

"Hmmm. Then maybe kissing her wasn't such a good idea."

"Oh, you think so?" I retorted sarcastically. "And he's one of your best friends!"

"Well --! I didn't know!"

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to some work, figuring Colin would somehow manage to overcome his fear and help Kimmie. Not so.

"Hey Lizzy," he said, leaning over the podium.

"You're still here?"

"So what to you think about me kissing Kristen?"

"Well, I'm still impressed by the remarkable sense she showed throwing you over."

"She didn't throw me over! Well, sorta, but all I did was kiss her that once, so..."

"So she didn't really give you a chance to get to the point where it would have been dumping."

"Yeah, something like that."

"Okay, Colin --"

"But then, you're her older sister, not brother, so then it's not so bad, I guess. Most older brothers don't want me kissing their sisters," said Colin cheerfully.

"I can't imagine why."

"Hey Lizzy, what do you think Will would do if I kissed Lindsey?"

"I don't know, why don't you find out."

"I can't, 'cause she's going out with Jack," he mimicked.

I reflected I would not at all mind turning the tables on Colin. "Jealous?" I asked sweetly.

He looked at me a minute, then leaned toward me and murmured calmly. 'You know I don't even know the meaning of the word, Lizzy."

"So you've always said," I smiled.

Colin shot me a look, then hesitated. "Hey, you know -- I'm think I'm going to go help Kimmie now..."

I laughed as he sauntered away. "Hey, whatcha smiling about?" someone asked behind me. I turned to face Will.

"Colin..." I shook my head indulgently. "He can be so maddening -- but I have to love him."

"Erm... yes. Well, as I was about to ask you before he inter-- before Lou called me down... You like journalism?"

I stiffened. I was not going to be patronized, and above all, not by Willis Fitzdarcy. "Yes, I do," I replied a bit haughtily. "I thought you knew, but no, you're right, I mean what reason would you have for concerning yourself with me and what I do?"

"Lizzy?" Will asked, puzzled. "Well, yes... I thought you were into journalism..." He tilted his head and looked at me as though trying to read what was on my mind.

He failed, of course: if he had, he would have given me a reason. I sighed. "Yes, I did study journalism, and that is what I want to do. But most of the writing I do now is business plans and the like."

"Business plans?"

"Yes. If someone wants to start or expand a business, he sees me and I help him put together a proposal to a bank or other investors, for example. Things like that." I pushed back my hair. "I also do some resumes."

Will frowned. "But why don't you try the Rochester paper? I'm sure you could get a job with them if you wanted to."

"But I don't want to. i don't think I could get anywhere with it, if you know what I mean. If you ask me, it's a pretty lousy paper for such a big city." I reached into the shelf under the podium and pulled out today's feature section of the paper. "Look at this," I said triumphantly, pointing out the missing headline .

"It only has one letter," said Will, bemused. "Where's the rest of it?"

"Exactly. And look at that. That's bad grammar and so's that, and that is just bad writing."

"I think I see your point."

"Thanks. But I don't think the future of journalism is in newsprint anyway."

"Where then?" Will asked.

I smiled. "The Internet, of course."

"I see..." said Will thoughtfully.

He didn't say anything and I looked past him and over the registers to see how Colin was getting on with Kimmie.

"Richard, pick up on 333," the PA crackled loudly.

"So what do you think?" Will asked.

What did I think about what? I turned back to Will, but not before I witnessed Kimmie slugging Colin in the stomach with a bag of potatoes. Ouch. I winced. All right, so maybe he had a small point.

"What's wrong?" Will asked quickly.

I turned back to him. "What?"

"You made a face."

"Oh. Sorry. I was just regretting something I did."

"Oh. Well then... never mind." Will walked off quickly.

I looked after him, confused by his abrupt departure, then shrugged and turned back to my work.

Wait a minute -- never mind about what? I looked up; Will was already out of sight.

"What did you mean, sending me into enemy territory like that?" Colin demanded, coming up behind me.

"Sorry... hey, I saw the potato thing -- what did you do?!?"

Colin shrugged. "I don't know, I was just teasing her about some guy named David? Hey! She hit me. so why's this my fault, I'd like to know???"

I shook my head vigorously. "Don't tease girls about guys Colin."

"But --"

"It's just stupid. And impolitic."

"Oh, not just stupid, but impolitic too," he mocked. "She did enlighten me to the fact that I have a large smudge of ink on the back of my shirt..." he shot me a pointed look.

"Oh. Sorry," I said meekly.

"It's okay. So, young grasshopper, how did it go with the malefactor?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

Colin leaned across the podium. "I saw you talking to him."

Oh, Will. I flushed, inexplicably. "Um... I don't know..."

Colin looked at the ceiling. "She doesn't know," he repeated.

"Colin..."

"I'm sorry, I just thought those balloons up there might be interested too."

"No, Colin, no one cares."

Colin's right eyebrow shot up. "I see I've hit a nerve."

I stalked off to answer a light as Colin sadly contemplated the ink smudge on his shirtfront left by my swat.

Part 13: Doing My Part to Help

Posted on Friday, 30 March 2001

(Colin)

"Collllllllliiiiiiiiin!!!" Lizzy wailed into the phone.

"You don't sound so good, I said, concerned.

"I feel not so good."

"What's wrong? ...Wait a sec, you sound like you have your allergies. Isn't it kind of late for that though, October?"

Lizzy sniffled. "Can you come over? I need you to remove a disgusting blob from my front steps. I could do it myself, you know, but with the allergies --" she sneezed again.

This was puzzling. "What happened, spill something?"

"What? No!"

I sighed. "All right... what is it, Lizzy?"

"Billy," she spluttered darkly.

"Ahhhh..."

"He comes wielding orange chrysanthemums. I hate chrysanthemums! I hate orange!"

"And you're allergic to chrysanthemums."

"Yeeeeeeesssssss," she sniffled miserably. "Otherwise you know I could take care of him myself easily, but I can't even open the door. But he won't go away and my sisters are both out."

"I see..."

"So you can come over?"

I thought a moment. "Sorry Lizzy, I can't, but -"

"WHAT?" she shrieked.

"Well, I'm busy, Lizzy," I began apologetically. "But I--"

"You're not busy! You're playing computer solitaire, aren't you?" she accused

"No!" I protested, watching the cards bounce up and down.

"Colin!!!!!"

"Okay, okay, just calm down," I tried to pacify. "I can't come over, but I know someone who can, okay? It'll just be a moment, okay Lizzy? Bye." I hung up quickly leaving her to seethe.

I drummed my fingers against the desk and with a grin, picked up the phone again.

Part 14: Adventures in Gallantry

Posted on Tuesday, 3 April 2001

(Will)

Thanks for your replies -- after them, I considered messing with your minds and having Colin send Andy or Richard or even Jack (heh)... but I'm not that mean ;)

It wasn't until I had turned into the Benedict sisters' street that it struck me: how the hell was I going to do this???

Colin had told me that Elizabeth was shut up in her house with allergies and Billy Burg wouldn't leave her alone -- could I go help her out? He was busy and couldn't (I think this sounds a bit suspect, but I'll go with it.) He had facetiously offered me the use of his mother's ShopVac, but had given me no practical advice. Damn you Colin! What am I supposed to do? Come to think of it, he had never even said whether Elizabeth knew I was coming over -- now why does that make me think that she doesn't??? All righty, now I also have that small problem. Fantastic.

But then, I am rescuing her, after all -- and from Billy, soooo.... maybe she'll be glad I'm here. Well, she should be. But with her, who knew. She doesn't treat me the same from one day to the next. Great grasshoppers, this woman is bizarre... but in a good way.

I pulled in front of her building and got out of the car, then nearly fell over a bucket of soapy water; apparently Lizzy had been washing her beloved car "Spencer" when Billy had ambushed her.

That was sitting on the front step of her townhouse, clutching sweatily at a bunch of absurdly large, burnt-orange-colored chrysanthemums. Lizzy's face appeared in the window briefly, then I heard the sound of something being thrown forcefully at the wall (a sound my sister has made me very familiar with, especially as of late...) Or maybe it was just my imagination.

Billy looked up disapprovingly. "Elizabeth does not feel good. I believe you should leave as your presence would upset her." He thrust the chrysanthemums in my face. "When she is better I am taking her on a picnic in a deserted cornfield." He winked suggestively and I felt very, very sick. And I wasn't even allergic to chrysanthemums.

I glared down and him and put on my 'intimidating' look. "Billy --"

"We can keep this between just you and me if you just leave now. I mean, Elizabeth wouldn't like it if she knows you're here."

I banged my head against the brink wall of the townhouse as Billy looked on curiously. Damn you Colin, damn you Colin... "Okay. Look. You want to know why Elizabeth doesn't feel well? She's allergic to chrysanthemums --"

"Oh." Billy tossed the chrysanthemums away and managed to take out the neighbor's potted geranium. I tried to fit the two pieces of the broken clay pot back together and put back enough soil to cover the roots. Billy looked on disapprovingly as if this was all my fault. I dusted my knees off and stood up.

"Riiiight. But Billy, that isn't all. Elizabeth - Does - Not - Like - You. You annoy her, Billy. She, err, you are not quite her type, I'm sorry. And she definitely doesn't want to go for this little 'picnic' in the cornfield with you." I shuddered.

Billy stared blankly for a minute. Then he gave a big ha-ha-ha laugh. "Oh I see. you just don't understand that Elizabeth and I have an understanding, a special understanding. I mean, she pretends she doesn't like me, but it's... it's... it's sort of a game, get it? Girls like that." Billy gave me a pitying look. "But I guess you wouldn't know much about that, huh?"

Ahem, 'scuse me? What's that supposed to mean!?!! I took a deep breath and began again. "Well, no Billy, actually you don't quite understand. Lizzy doesn't think of this as a game at all -- SHE CAN'T STAND YOU!!!!!!

"Eewwwww!!!!!!" Billy cried. "Ew, you like her, don't you? You came here because you're jealous, huh? Eww, gross, and you're so much older than her too. don't you feel disgusting?"

Um??? First of all, I was only three years older than Elizabeth -- that was nothing, and we were both mature adults (I think), so age doesn't matter than much anyway. Well, that was too confusing for Billy to understand I guess. I stuck with something more concrete. "Well Billy, she is almost five years older than you, so --"

"But it's true love!" he protested shrilly. I suppressed a snicker with some difficulty -- why did I suddenly have to think of that priest from The Princess Bride? Billy smirked fatuously and added in a condescending undertone, "I'm sorry you had to lose, Will -- I hope you won't hold it against me. Don't worry, I won't tell Elizabeth about this or embarrass you at work." He leaned forward conspiratorially -- what had this guy had for breakfast? -- and hissed, "and just because I'm generous, I'll let you in on a little secret, heheh... if you go around the back and stand on the ledge you can see into Elizabeth's bedroom window. Even if the curtains are closed if you kinda tip your head this way -- "

That was it. No more diplomacy, no more tact, no more non-violence, no more saint-like patience, no more Gandhi. I sailed into Billy and he fell backwards off the step into the grass, knocking over the other geranium. "You did WHAT?" I bellowed. Billy struggled to get up, but I pushed him down again. He squirmed, but that only made me tighten my grip. I restrained myself from actually hitting him, for fear of the extent of damage I might cause. "You -- you -- you revolting toad! You scummy, unfit, wretched piece of crud! You are an insult to mankind!" I raged. "Have you no respect for women at all? Could you possibly be more repulsive, you filthy, slobbering -- "

The door opened and Elizabeth's incisive voice cut into my tirade. "All right, that's enough. Billy, you brainless lout, get lost before I call the police. I mean it." I released the thing and he ran off, emitting seal-type noises. Lizzy beckoned to me from the doorstep. "You. Get over here."

Yes Ma'am. I ran a hand through my hair, grinned, and strolled over to her. Her eyes were watery; her complexion was blotchy; her nose was red; her hair was a mess; she was wearing a very faded pink tank top, pajama shorts in Stewart plaid, and lime green flip-flops. She was oddly alluring. I was going out of my mind... but what the hell. I picked up the chrysanthemums and flung them impressively into a nearby pond. Oh this could be the start of something very big... why don't you take a chance on me... something like that, ladidadidadida...

Lizzy was standing with her hands on her hips. And glaring at me... did I miss something? "When I need your assistance, I'll let you know," she said coldly. "Otherwise, don't provide it. I don't need you to rescue me, I don't need you to do your little 'I am a guy' thing and beat up Billy, I don't need you to create this noisy huge scene in front of my house on a Saturday morning and now all my neighbors are wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into." Elizabeth wiped her eyes and called dryly, "Show's over, folks!"

Out of the corner of my eye I vaguely noted people going back into their buildings. But what pounded through my brain were those same four words over and over again: I don't need you.

"Now wait a minute," I snapped. "You called Colin because you couldn't deal with this yourself. So I don't quite think you can say you don't need anyone, can you?"

"I never said that --"

"You just did!"

"Stop trying to put words in my mouth, Will. I hate that. Don't even dare to presume you know what I'm thinking because you don't know anything about me. I never said I don't need anybody. I said I don't need you."

"Next time you need rescuing I'll remember that you're selective."

"Shut up!" she screamed. "I'm not done. What makes you think I need rescuing? I'm not completely helpless. If I called Colin it was because I don't feel like dealing with this myself over and over again and he could have helped my out a bit. I don't mind that. What I do mind is you coming over here and without a word to me deciding you have to avenge my honor or whatever in front of the entire neighborhood -- and then expect me to pull some big gratitude act for you."

"Oh, so you don't mind Colin rescuing you, but I can't?" By now I was shouting as well. "He asked me to come over, you know. Just what would he have done that would be so much better?"

"Oh, I already know he sent you over, so don't try that. He meant well, but... Colin, while moronic in his own right, would have handled this entirely better than you did. What he would have done is strolled up the walkway, talking about his brother the lawsuit lawyer, oh, did you know Billy that Elizabeth has asked me to introduce Fletcher to her? Yeah, she was pretty impressed by his last case, this sexual harassment thing that got a huge settlement. Amazing, I really don't know how he does it, but he's fantastic..."

"Fletch is strictly a business lawyer. He's never sued anyone in his life, not to mention he lives in Massachusetts," I retorted.

"I know that, but Billy doesn't. The point is, it would have worked, Billy would have never dared to bother me again, and the whole thing would have been over, quietly, unmessily, and in about three and a half minutes."

"And then?" I asked sarcastically.

"And then I would have invited Colin in for lunch."

"And you're not going to invite me for lunch, are you?" I inquired coldly.

Elizabeth walked down the front path to her car and pulled the sponge out of the bucket. "Of course not."

I watched her for a moment before I phrased the sardonic retort. "Because he's just an ultimately more desirable person than I am, right?" It would hurt, but I wanted to know.

"Obviously. Colin's charming and sweet and funny and relaxed. You're presumptuous and uptight and proud and I really don't think you have any sense of humor at all, do you?"

"Well, I'm afraid not all of us can be perfect," I said tightly.

"Oh no, Colin's far from perfect, but that's fine with me. I don't expect anyone to be perfect. You do, though. I really can't understand how Lindsey can put up with you every day. I mean, it isn't as if she's much like you or anything."

So this is what she thought of me. And even the affection of my sister, who was one of her best friends, couldn't sway her estimation. "Evidently I'm wasting my time here," I said, turning to go. "I'll give Colin your regards. And tell him next time you need help, make sure he does it himself, or at least sends someone more charming than I am -- or is it that only Colin will do? So I'm sorry if I've overstepped my grounds, I'm so presumptuous, you know --"

I got no further. "You're insufferable!" Elizabeth screamed. She threw the pail of water at me and ran up the walkway to her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

As I stood in stunned, dripping silence, Bing pulled into the parking lot. "Oh, hi Will, seen Jen ar -- whoa, what happened to you?"

"Women are the devil," I said through gritted teeth.

"Women are wonderful," Bing smiled, then added helpfully, "You look like a drowned cat."

"Thank you." I fumbled with the car door.

"Didn't go so well with Elizabeth, eh?" he nudged me. "Hey, isn't the upholstery going to get ruined if you drive home like that?"

I groaned. "Bing, Jen isn't home yet -- could you just leave your car here and drive mine home?"

"Sure, but... you're going to walk all the way to your house like that?"

"Do I have a choice?" I glared him into submission and he took my keys.

I made it to the main road before Bing pulled over and rolled down his window. I walked over to him, my shoes making squish-squish-squish sounds. "Yeah?"

"So what are you going to do now?"

I frowned at my sodden shoes. I was furious with Elizabeth. If she was going to treat me like, that, she wasn't worth it. I had every reason to be resentful. Or so I tried to tell myself. But I still wanted her. I was in too deep. I sighed and looked up and Bing. "I guess it's time to call in the expert."

Part 15: The Expert

Posted on Tuesday, 10 April 2001

(Colin)

I looked up from the grass and watched her until she raised her eyes from her book. I had been helping my father with some yard work at my parents' house, and now was engaged in pulling the clover and weeds out of the front lawn. My slightly eccentric father can do this for hours on end in the evenings and weekends because he finds it relaxing (and because he is very competitive about the lawn), but for me it afforded a different utility: I could observe Lindsey Fitzdarcy without her knowing.

At least, I don't think she knew. But I would often look up to catch her watching me, then quickly look back down at her book. For someone who was so intent on being oblivious to me, she was sure watching me a lot. And to be fair, she just as often caught me watching her. Hmm... come to think of it, she has very... nice... legs... hmmm...

Lindsey glanced up again and I turned my attention back to the clover, acutely aware of the fact that she would kill me if she knew I was staring at her legs (not that this was originally the main intent.) Besides, this was getting ridiculous. I stood up, ignoring the protestations of me knees (how does Dad do it???) and crossed the driveway to her lawn.

Lindsey glanced up as my shadow fell across her, then seeing it was I, disdainfully returned to her book. Lying in the grass, propped up by her elbows, it was too easy for her to ignore me. I decided to make it a bit more difficult and assumed the same position, resting my chin in my hands, facing her.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked with a winning smile, even though I could see it was a volume of Churchill's WWII histories. She didn't answer, but lowered her book and coolly met my eyes. I quirked an eyebrow, but didn't look away from those hazel-green eyes with the cold fire in them. So she was still mad at me. But I had no intention of leaving. Evidently she got the point, for although her expression remained impassive, her hands tensed and her eyes flashed just a little more.

Who knows how long this boiling-under-the-surface staring contest would have continued if Will's car hadn't pulled into the Fitzdarcy's driveway. This event wasn't enough to stop us, but the interruption of one Bing Charleston was.

"What are you guys up to?" he asked.

Lindsey rolled over and sat up. "Nothing. But where's Will?"

Bing laughed. "Will -- yeah, you'll see."

I raised my eyebrows. "Did you come from Lizzy's?"

Bing laughed again. "Yep."

"Well?" I demanded. "How'd it go?"

"I think you're going to have to ask Will that," he replied with a smirk.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, eyes widening a bit. "Heh... so it went that well, with Lizzy, did it?"

"That well indeed," a voice retorted behind me; at the same time I felt a thud on the back that was just a bit too hard to be friendly.

"Hey Will," I smirked at his appearance. "What'd she do, throw you in the pond?"

"No," he said coldly.

I looked to Bing for help, but he merely shook his head. Lindsey was appearing perplexed by the entire scene. "Well," I said to break the silence. Will just glared at me coldly. "If you had taken the ShopVac this wouldn't have happened, young fledgling," I sermonized. Unfortunately Will did not find this funny.

"What - were - you - thinking," he articulated deliberately.

Oh dear. "I take it Lizzy was... errrrm, unappreciative of your efforts?" I inquired delicately.

"I made a scene," he said in the same measured tones. "You would have taken care of the matter quietly, unmessily, and in about three and a half minutes.

Uh-oh....

"Because, you know, I am presumptuous and uptight and proud and I really don't have any sense of humor at all," he continued frostily. "Or so I am told. You, however, are charming and sweet and funny and relaxed."

I groaned and closed my eyes tightly. Oh no not this mistake again... On the other hand, I mused, I am charming and sweet and funny and relaxed, take that, Lindsey, you can be nice to me now.

I scratched my head and wondered how to begin. "Well... you know, Will, Lizzy doesn't really do that damsel-in-distress routine very well -- or well, I mean she could if she wanted to, but the point is she doesn't want to, and um... well, just what did happen, Will?"

He reddened a bit. "I was trying to dissuade Billy -- who was being a complete lunkhead, but the way -- when he mentioned that he um... spies on Lizzy... when he um... really shouldn't..." Will turned a shade resembling my father's beets and I shuddered inwardly. Ugh, poor Lizzy.

"And then?" I prompted.

"I suppose I sort of... lost my temper?" Will admitted.

I nodded. "I see."

"I mean," Will burst out, "I just couldn't stand the idea of him treating her like that, and not respecting her, and well... I just lost it. I didn't think -- it was purely instinctual."

"Don't worry, I understand completely," I said slowly, glancing at Lindsey before I realized what I was doing. She had been watching me and her brother, but now looked away. "But Lizzy might not... which means she might not act in the way you expected her to?"

"That's about it," Will mumbled. "She yelled at me, did a quick catalogue of my faults -- just scratching the surface, I'm sure she thinks -- and then she threw the bucket of water on me." Ah, that would explain the sogginess. I nodded in enlightenment and Will looked at his sopping shoes. "She was washing her can," he explained.

"Lizzy loves Spencer," I sympathized.

This caused an unexpected reaction from Will. "Spencer???" he panicked.

"Her car, her car," I soothed.

Will relaxed visibly. "Okay, okay, so maybe your approach was a bit off... all right, maybe I'm a bit at fault too --" Will glared at me and I continued quickly, "I mean, it seems like Billy was harder to dissuade than I thought he was going to be --"

"Oh yeah," Will groaned.

" -- Okay, sorry about that. Really, I just wanted to give you and Lizzy a chance to talk and so forth alone. But I suppose she wouldn't be too appreciative of having it forced on her like that..."

"So it would seem," Will retorted caustically.

I was thinking. "Maybe... oh, how do I explain this? Maybe some girls are more tolerant of being rescued than others, does that make sense? And obviously Lizzy is one who is considerably less tolerant..." I trailed off because Lindsey had suddenly turned on my with a disgusted you-really-don't-understand-anything-do-you look that completely threw me. Hmmm.

"She looked pretty mad to me," Bing observed.

"Yes thank you Bing, I think we've apprehended that fact."

"Be nice, be nice," I refereed. I steeled myself for the forthcoming onslaught that my next question would provoke. It was going to have to be refuted sooner or later, so... "And you were saying before, Will?"

"As I was saying, as I was saying," he mumbled vaguely. "I was saying something, wasn't I?"

"I think you left off saying how much more Lizzy likes Colin than she likes you," Bing prompted helpfully.

Argh couldn't we have found a more tactful approach!?!!

"Oh yes..." simmered Will, alert again. "Yes, how Colin is an ultimately more desirable person than I am, I believe were her words...

Really? Cool. Hah, and so there, Lovely Lady Ignoring Me For No Reason Lindsey, my mind muttered.

"No wait, they were sort of mine, but she agreed..." Will rambled.

"So there's your solution, huh," I said. "Just be more like me."

I detected an exasperated eye roll from Lindsey and Bing laughed outright.

Will frowned, raised one foot and then the other, and looked generally uncomfortable. "All right, Colin, I'm not accusing you of well..." Moron moron moron... "...um, instigating, I guess you could call it... um where was I -- " Will!!! "or well, of hmm, engaging her affections --"

Bing chortled and Lindsey tried to hold back her laughter, but cracked up. Out of self-preservation, I somehow managed to restrain myself and just looked very interested in what he was saying. Argh, Will, if you're going to talk like a Victorian, no wonder she thinks you're stuffy. Idiot.

"Will," I said patiently, "Nothing's going on between me and Lizzy, got it?"

"Oh, I know. I'm not blaming you, Colin -- it's just that..."

"Yes?"

Will poked at the grass with his toe and finally muttered, "She's in love with you."

I sighed. "Nope."

"She is!"

Bing looked at Will quizzically, and surprisingly, Lindsey came to my defense. "No, Will, Lizzy is my friend too, and believe me, she's not in love with him. You can trust me on this one, really."

"You're not really friends with many girls, are you?" I queried.

"Well... no," Will admitted reluctantly. "Except Carley, I guess, um, not much, actually, no not at all."

Ah yes, Carley. She might come in handy with this too, provided she wasn't in one of her men-are-scum moods.

"It shows," I said frankly.

"Erm," said Will uncomfortably.

"It's okay," I reassured. "We can fix that. Might take awhile, though, and a lot of effort..."

"But Colin, Lizzy loves you," Will reiterated piteously.

This was becoming very redundant. "Will! You are a paranoid freak! I'm going to know if a girl's in love with me, all right!?!!"

Lindsey exclaimed something like "Hopeless" and banged her way into the house.

"Whew, what's with her?" Bing asked after the reverberations of the porch door stopped.

"So moody lately," Will murmured thoughtfully.

"Don't worry about it, women are weird," I said impatiently. "Which brings us back to Lizzy --"

"Elizabeth is not weird," Will snapped defensively. "Neither is my sister," he added as an afterthought.

"Right... we're talking about a woman who names her car Spencer, tries to disengage my arm from the socket when I tease her about a pencil, and douses you with a bucket of scummy water when you try to do her a favor. If you want to think that's the epitome of sanity, go right ahead. And your sister... yeah, that's a box of crackers I don't even want to open right now." AI blew out an exasperated breath. "Okay, so what you we gonna do about you?"

Will blinked. "What about me?"

"You want Elizabeth? Never mind, of course you do."

"So...??"

"Well some things are gonna have to change."

Panicked look from Will. "What are you going to do to me?" he demanded.

"Relax, relax." I looked over to Bing. "What do you think -- maybe talking to her might help?"

"Couldn't hurt," Bing agreed.

"'Course. Now then, I don't know, Will might not even want my advice, eh?"

"Hey, you tell him, Will," Bing replied, earning himself a dirty look.

I'm not stupid; I know what Will was going around in circles over, but he was still hesitating.

"I mean, Colin is the Man!" Bing persuaded.

"The Man," Will echoed dubiously.

"The Expert!"

"Heh, really?" I asked with a grin.

Will looked from me to Bing helplessly.

"Well, I see you don't need me here, so I've got some clover that would really like my attention..." I began to stroll back to my parents' yard.

"All right, what do I do."

I turned back and grinned. "You've come to the right place, young grasshopper."

"I'm three years older than you."

"Doesn't matter. All righty now..." I looked at Will critically. "You've got to loosen up," I said, shaking my head.

"Not a bad idea," Bing agreed.

"But --"

"You know what your problem is with her, Will? You can't stand being laughed at, being teased a little, taken lightly. With Elizabeth, buddy, that's just not going to fly. So it's her or your unadulterated dignity. She will let you keep some, don't worry."

"Elizabeth," he said automatically.

"Good, good, maybe we can do something with you after all. Now... where should we start..." I looked up at the sky a minute. "Kiss her."

"What?!??" Will was horrified. I sighed. If he's going to think like a Victorian too there's really nothing I can do for him.

"Hey, works for me," I shrugged.

"WHAT!?!!"

"I don't mean with Lizzy!" I reassured quickly. "Calm down."

"Erm, Colin, you sure about this?" Bing was skeptical.

"Who asked you?" I shot back. I know what I'm talking about.

"Well yes, sometime, I intend to," Will stumbled "But I mean...???"

"You don't have to tomorrow," I said placidly.

"Right... but Colin, I mean, where I should start? You can't mean --"

"I said, you don't have to tomorrow. And i said you could talk to her, that might help... Oh hey, Bing, you know that guy Joe in Fish, who's got a thing for Lizzy -- " I rambled.

"He'll keep his dirty hands off my Lizzy!" Will exploded.

"Right, and will you have any part of this?"

"Hopefully?"

"How, being some irate wallflower in the corner?"

"No..."

"Kiss her," I reiterated.

"Sometime?"

"Ten years is sometime, Will."

"Just let me --"

"If you don't, I will," I said wickedly.

Will paled and his eyes grew wide; clearly this was exactly what he did not want to happen. "Is that blackmail?"

"Well, got a better word for it? Actually now that I think of it, extortion might be more accurate."

Will began to pace. "All right. Just give me some time."

"Thanksgiving," I said ruthlessly.

"Christmas?"

"December fifteenth," I compromised.

"December fifteenth," Will repeated nervously. "December fifteenth. Fine." He started into the house, then turned back. "You better be right," he warned.

"Don't worry. I'm always right about these things," I reassured him.

"What things?" Bing asked once Will was in the house.

"What do mean, 'what things?'"

"I mean, aren't you missing the salient point here?"

"What?"

"I mean what Will wants isn't the same as what you do. He's talking about love. What do you know about that?" Bing asked.

I started. "I -- Stop it, Bing, I'm right."

Part 16: Everyone Says I Love You

Posted on Tuesday, 8 May 2001

I had intended to wake up an hour early to proofread a resume I was preparing for some hotshot twenty-two year old stockbroker, but right before I went to bed the night before, I spilled a glass of water on my alarm clock, which did it no favors.

The time wouldn't reset; instead, the digital numbers just kept spinning around and around, occasionally into some unprecedented formations. Seventeen o'clock?!?? Huh. Unless my clock had suddenly assumed the capacity to function in military time, this should probably not be happening. The radio still worked... well, sort of... not really. And what would 'd' signify, in regards to time? Very strange.

I thought if I went to bed early enough, I'd be able to wake up at least somewhat early, but that didn't quite work as well as planned. Hence, I never woke until Jen finally roused me, thirty-five minutes after I would have normally gotten up. Well then, so much for that.

Over the weekend the weather had been warm enough to wear shorts (and feel no compunction about making Will Fitzdarcy walk home sopping wet), but today it was gray, wet, windy, and only about forty degrees. Dang scrummy crummy tempermental Northeastern Great Lakes Upstate New York weather. Humph.

"Where are my shoes?!?" I yelled.

Kristen appeared at my bedroom door, fully dressed and perky-looking, damn her. "Which ones, Lizzy?"

"Black loafers," I grumbled.

"Hmmm, I'll look for them... and um, Lizzy... you might want to do something about your hair..."

I looked in the mirror... ack. I attacked it with a brush, but the ends persisted in sticking out weirdly below my shoulders. I tried pulling the sides back with a barrette, but then the ends flared out more and peeked around from behind my head like little wings and I was preparing for take-off. I tried brushing it out, only for it to become even worse.

Taking out the barrette, I gritted my teeth, trying to convince myself to be patient, and twisted my hair up into a bun, then felt around with one hand for my green scrunchie. Not on the dresser. I stamped my foot a couple of times, then dropped to my knees and spotted it under the dresser. Okey-dokey, and now to reach that with one hand and still hold the bun with the other hand... Hah! I did it! I felt triumphant, then ridiculous.

I glanced at the clock and plugged it in again. Still same symptoms. Hmm, maybe Will could tell me what's up with it; he is a computer guy after all, and they must know about something as simple as a little alarm clock. NO!!!

"These, Lizzy?"

"Thanks." I looked at my younger sister suspiciously. "So why are you so cheery?"

Kristy just shrugged and smiled enigmatically.

Curious, I started to follow my sister into the kitchen, then turned back, recalling that if I was wearing black shoes I couldn't wear a navy belt.

"Toast, Lizzy?" Jen asked me.

I grumbled something and started spreading a great deal of strawberry jam on the toast Jen silently handed me. Jen and Kristen, recognizing I was in one of my dangerous moods, wisely chatted between themselves and let me sulk over the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal. Colin had gotten me hooked on that newspaper a few years ago -- Colin...

Humph. Colin. Ohhh I'm going to get that boy today... I hadn't yet had a chance at him after Saturday's spectacle, but lucky him, he'll be working today and so will I.

Drat. And so is Will Fitzdarcy, I remembered. Damn damn damn damn damn.

"Lizzy, why are you kicking the table?" Jen wanted to know.

"She's been cranky all morning," Kristy ventured.

"I am NOT cranky!" I yelled.

"Right!" Kristy muttered under her breath, before Jen could shush her.

You think Mondays are bad? Try Wednesdays when your electronics won't cooperate, your schedule gets thrown out of whack, your favorite shoes choose to go AWOL at inopportune moments, you have to spend eight hours being super-polite to peevish and unreasonable people and refrain from rolling your eyes at their petty complaints and ridiculous demands, then finally get out of work at eight o'clock, when most normal people have already eaten dinner and washed the dishes, and your hair's a mess, your mood's a mess, and your brain's a mess, and in the midst of this, one sister is an angel and the other could double as a motivational speaker.

"I'm perfectly fine," I sulked. "I just don't see why we have to have a pep rally over breakfast."

My sisters looked at each other. "Okay," Jen agreed placidly. I crossed my arms and glared at my orange juice. Jen cleared her throat. "I should leave for the hospital now... sure you're all right, Lizzy?"

"I'm fine," I muttered. Hmmm, Jen is going to work to help as a crisis counselor in the children's unit; shortly I will be going to work to inflict my wrath upon Colin. Possibly it said something about us. I am sometimes not a very nice person, I reflected. Oh well.

Kristen tilted her head and looked at me critically. "I don't recall you getting drunk last night, so it can't be a hangover..."

"Shut up," I muttered.

"All right," she said obligingly.

Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! My younger sister's mood was becoming unbearable. True, she is a naturally perky little person, but this is just beyond tolerable. "What's with you this morning?" I snapped.

"Just happy," she smiled.

I forgot my self-absorption and studied her critically. There was something about that mushy look in her eyes that I didn't quite like... Something churned in my mind and my stomach.

"Whatcha doing today?" I asked cautiously.

"Running!" she replied happily.

Gahhhhhhhh.... Wait, wait, don't panic, don't panic. Don't jump to conclusions, Elizabeth. Stay calm, it might be nothing... right? Right. Of course. Nothing's wrong. ...Oh God, everything's so wrong!!! No. No no no. Stop it. Elizabeth, calm. Breathe, Lizzy, breathe. All right, so Kristy would be happy to get out of the accounting office... but still!!!

"Know who's working today?" I persisted, crossing my arms on the table, polite manners be damned.

"Colin!"

Damn!!! My head hit my outstretched arms heavily. I groaned, then raised my head a bit and looked at my middle sister. "No. No no no no no."

"What, Lizzy?" Kristen asked.

I shook my head at her pleadingly, but she completely missed the point.

"He's so nice, isn't he? You know, I didn't really give him much of a chance, did I?"

"Noooooo!!!" I wailed.

Kristen sighed. "Yes, you're right Lizzy. I know. I really should have been more open minded about all that when he kissed me..." She blushed. "Well, I mean, he didn't really seem to mind, or surprised, when I said let's just leave it at that and forget about it... but maybe if I change my mind, he might change his and..."

"Noooooo..." I banged my head against the kitchen table. "No no no no no no no no no Kristy."

"What's wrong Lizzy?" she asked, finally getting a clue.

"Gah! Colin!!!!!!!!! Flirt!!! ugh, worse Kristy have some sense Colin drop-kick! philanderer no no no gaaaaaaaaah!!!!!! don't be stupid Kristy argh argh argh argh!"

"What is that in coherent sentences?"

I shook my head vigorously at my... incredibly... silly... little sister. "Come on, Kristy, don't be stupid over a guy. And over this guy -- that's just extra stupid!!!"

"But he's so sweet!" Kristen protested.

With a squeak of despair, I banged my fist against my forehead.

"...And funny, and charming, and adorable..." Kristy continued with that hooked-on-a-feeling look.

"Daaaaamnnnnnnnnn........" I kicked the table in frustration.

"Mmmm... and he's a good kisser..."

I stopped abusing the furniture. "That's true," I admitted.

"How do you know?" Kristen demanded.

I rubbed my forehead (banging it against things had not done it much good). "Oh, he kissed me once a few years ago. Anyway, that's not important. We have got some things to discuss, young lady --"

"You're jealous!" my sister cried.

I blinked, not at all having anticipated such an accusation. "Wait, what Kristy? Jealous??? Of Colin? I mean, of you? Well, I mean, of you and Colin?"

"Yes! Yes!" Kristen shouted hotly. "That's why you're saying you don't want me to do this! Of course you don't, 'cause you want him for yourself, Lizzy!"

"Kristy! Will you just listen to me! I --"

"No!" she wailed. "You're friends with Colin but really you've been secretly in love with him for years and years and years and now you don't want me to go out with him because you're jealous!"

I sighed. No... that would describe someone else... but that would also be none of Kristy's business, so no need to explain all that to her. "No, trust me, Kristy, I am not in love with the blasted boy -- just listen to me. Yes, Colin is a very nice guy... but he is also 'Colin all-the-girls-want-me Wesley.' Insufferable flirt. Womanizer. Seducer --"

"Seducer?" Kristy asked, interested.

"Ack! Kristen Benedict!!! No! Not good! Damn, don't you have any sense? Or has that capacity been completely replaced by lust? Good Lord, Kristy, the guy is never never never ever serious about a girl, you must know that, don't you? I mean, nice as he is... well, Colin is so... Colin. He's sort of ummm... polygamous? I swear, the whole concept of an 'adult relationship' is utterly lost on Colin. Don't get yourself into this, please Kristy, I'm asking you to take my advice just this one time. It's just stupid stupid stupid stupid. Please don't be silly over a guy -- but especially not this guy!"

"Really Lizzy, I know about all his girlfriends and stuff already, I'm just saying I should give him a chance. Maybe he likes me," Kristy insisted stubbornly. "And then I'll be able to change him!"

Gaaaaaah oh no no noooo not the eternal 'I-can-reform-him' argument! Silly, silly girls.

"Look Kristy, I think he will turn around some day -- but not now, and not with you. He isn't in love with you, and he isn't going to be. Got it?"

"Why not?" she demanded hotly. "I mean, I didn't even go after him like girls usually do. He kissed me. You said he's going to turn around someday, so why not me? Who do you think he'll fall in love with, if you're so sure? You?"

"Who I think he's going to fall for doesn't concern you and you wouldn't understand," I retorted. "But no, I don't think it's me and I don't want it to be, so you can stop with that."

"I still don't see why it shouldn't be me," Kristy muttered defensively.

"Kristen Abigail Benedict, just because you were the girl of the moment a few weeks ago does not mean anything at all now! Sorry, hon, just face it. With Colin Wesley you've got a shelf life of approximately two weeks, if you want to take the average. Though of course, the mean average is misleading as there is a range from four months -- once! -- to about... seven minutes, I'd say. And I think you will find the curve is heavily skewed towards the seven minute side. The median's probably more something like 2.38 days. Can you understand me??!?"

"You're just jealous!" Kristy wailed. "Stop talking in statistics, Lizzy. What are you going to do next, take the standard deviation?"

Ugh. I was getting nowhere banging my head against this brick wall. "Come on, you're going to be late for work," I snapped irritably.

Humph. Kristen is being ridiculous. And just when I thought she was so sensible. Kristen sulked and I fumed during the entire drive to Wegmans, but as I drove, the object of my anger transferred from my sister to Colin.

That utter idiot. My little chat with him is going to have to encompass a few more things than I initially planned, it would appear. And speaking of Kristen's judgment, what about his? Does the boy have no sense? I swear, sooner or later these dalliances of his are going to come back to haunt him. Not that there's any use trying to tell him that now. The denial is too thick for anything I might say to penetrate.

Kristen was scheduled to work an hour and a half before me, so I spent the spare time moping around Barnes and Noble. The book I had been eyeing for the past two months was gone. It was the only copy. And now someone thoroughly undeserving has it, I just know it -- and I don't. Probably it was sold while I was ranting to Kristy about Colin Wesley's wicked ways; ten wasted minutes earlier and it could have been all mine.

Curse Colin. Curse Kristy. Curse whoever got my book. And curse perfect, perfect Jen and soppy mushy lovestruck Bing. And while I'm at it, curse Willis Fitzdarcy and his infuriating I-know-what's-best presumption. Why why why why why me???

~~~~~***~~~~~

"That's a... very interesting color combination, Liz," Carol Ann smirked.

I pretended to ignore her, but secretly snuck a peek at what I was wearing. Gray pants and a green sweater, that matches, right? ...I think.

"The problem is," she persisted, "you're too pale to be wearing those colors! Really Lizzy, you should have gotten some more color while you had the chance, but I suppose now it's too late, especially here..."

"Whatever," I mumbled, trying to get back to my work.

Carol reached over me and seized the pencil I was just about to pick up. "Here, Liz, let me give you the number of this place... this is where I go to tan..." Carol scribbled something down on a piece of paper, which I promptly tossed into the trash, then snatched my pencil back.

"Look, Carol, I really don't care -- " I was stopped by someone's hand on my shoulder.

"Elizabeth, Carol Ann, how are you ladies?" interjected Richard Prescott, ever the peacemaker.

I grumbled something; Carol responded with a bit more animation.

"Carol, would you mind helping me with something down in the computer room?" he asked. "Thanks... I'll be right down, just a sec."

"What does she know about computers -- or anything useful?" I sniped.

Carol glared and huffed off, and Richard leveled a grave look at me.

He waited until Carol was out of earshot, then inquired thoughtfully, "Everything okay, Lizzy?"

"Yes!" I whined.

He directed another look at me. "All right... just take it easy, okay Elizabeth?" He turned to go, but I called him back.

"Um, Richard?"

"Yes?"

"Err... does green go with gray?"

Richard blinked. "Um... sure." He made the connection to what I was wearing, and added, "You look nice, Lizzy."

Humph. How very convincing. I was intercepted by an angular angry looking woman of about forty-five.

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

The woman pointed to her shopping cart. "Look at these bags!"

"Um, ma'am?"

"Look, let me show you how your store could save so much money. This is terrible bagging. Look at this!" The woman dug around in the cart, items tumbling out of the bags as they were uprooted.

I discreetly put the items back into the bags as I waited for the woman to get to her point.

"She could have put so much more in these and used fewer bags. I know those cost a lot of money! And so now where is that cost coming from -- you people will raise prices."

"Ahh... what lane were you in ma'am?"

"Fourteen. With a bagger at that one -- so don't tell me she didn't have time to do this right!"

I looked over -- no wonder, Ben's trainees were bagging for registers twelve through fifteen. "Well, ma'am... the baggers over there are new, they're just learning... I mean, they are just trying to be extra-careful -- make sure nothing gets squished or broken, or the bags aren't too heavy..."

Oops. That was the wrong thing to say. "Too heavy? What does she think I am, some little old lady?" the woman bristled.

"Oh, no no..." I soothed. "But we don't want too much stuff in them or they'll break. Bags breaking is bad, I've heard testimonials from customers com -- er, worried that there was too much in them."

The woman looked at me with displeasure, and I wished I had been a bit more guarded.

However, all she said was, "You should have stronger bags then."

"Well..."

The woman went on. "Look at this one. Just one item!"

"Well ma'am, but that's raw chicken..."

"So?"

"Well, it's a health precaution, we tell them to keep raw meat separate so there's no cross-contamination."

"If I want you people to be worried about my health I'll tell you. Otherwise I want you to be frugal with the bags so my prices don't go up --"

I tried to cough back a small laugh.

"What?" the woman regarded me suspiciously. "Where is your supervisor, young lady?"

Reluctantly I pointed her towards Julie and watched her rant for a few more minutes.

Julie beckoned to me.

"Sorry," I said meekly.

"No, don't worry about it, Lizzy. Can you take care of this paperwork for me?" she asked, nicely enough, but giving me the you-can't-offend-anyone-there once-over.

I agreed, looking upon her green and gray print dress with joy. If Julie is wearing it, then it must be okay! Then again, she is wearing entirely different shades than I am. I sighed.

"Something with a lot of caffeine," I told Alicia. "A lot."

Alicia scrutinized me. "As a professional, I'm not sure I like the idea of giving you caffeine for therapeutic purposes."

"Alicia!"

"You know, I minored in chemistry, young lady. Would you like me to explain exactly --"

"No!" I wailed. "No chemistry! Jen understands all that stuff but not me. I never did."

Alicia sighed. "No, I'm not going to let you have that one," she warned, seeing me eye the "Buzz" coffee promising "twice the caffeine, twice the flavor." "Why are you so frazzled today, Elizabeth?"

"Because customers are insane."

"Occasionally yes..."

"And because my sister is being a silly little girl --"

"No, not Kristen?"

"Yes! And Colin is just making everything so much worse for me... and Will!"

"What's Will been doing to you?" Alicia asked, puzzled.

"Gah! That man!"

"Oh Lizzy, but he's such a nice boy..."

I snorted.

Alicia looked to me for further enlightenment. I leaned over the coffee bar. "And he's trying to mess with my mind," I confided.

Alicia sighed. "Have a biscuit."

Armed with Julie's paperwork, I retreated into the computer room and the biscuit and 'relaxing' tea Alicia had foisted upon me. Ah, solitude at last.

Well, not exactly. Andrew Dennison was already there, eating his lunch with an open textbook in front of him. He'd be quiet, at least.

"Hey Lizzy," he said as I sat down. Almost immediately after that, my phone rang, the display signalling a call from outside the store. I turned it on.

"Hello Elizabeth, it's me!!!" my mother trilled.

Damn. "Mom, you can't call me at work!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you busy dear?"

"Well, I'm doing some paperwork in the computer room -- "

"Oh, well then that's fine."

I gave up. My mother is neither stupid nor sadistic nor anything particularly horrendous, but she can still be utterly... maddening.

"Ah... did you need something, Mom?"

"Lizzy, I'm sure you remember that I mentioned I was getting a new assistant?" My mother is a supervisor in the sportswear division of a large department store.

"Umm..."

"Well Lizzy, he is such a nice young man, really, I would so like you to meet him --"

Oh damn damn damn. And just what I need, a date with a guy who knows more about fashion that I do. "Er..."

"Perhaps you might come around after work and meet Harvey."

Harvey??? Rabbits are named Harvey, not men I date.

"I'm sure I couldn't make it in time, Mom..."

"Oh Lizzy, I've told him so much about you --"

"Mommy!!!" I wailed.

Andrew, who knows my mother slightly, looked up and flashed a sudden grin, then returned to his book after intercepting my fierce glare.

"Oh Lizzy, it isn't as if you have a boyfriend or even any serious prospects, anyway."

"Thank you, Mother," I muttered.

"You know I didn't mean it like that, Elizabeth, but since you're not seeing anyone, I don't see why not."

"Because I don't want to!"

"You are such a stubborn, ridiculous child sometimes," she admonished affectionately. "Ooh now what's this I hear from Lynda about Jen having a new boyfriend?"

Huh. So Jen hasn't told Mom she's seeing Bing Charleston. Hmm... she may have a point there. "Well, you know, a guy from work... we knew him at school, too."

"So will we be meeting him soon?" she asked coyly.

"Oh, er... yeah, sure."

"I just want to be sure he's good enough for my Jen!" my mother exclaimed with maternal pride. Huh, why no inquiries about anyone being good enough for me?

"Oh, yeah, don't worry. He's a nice guy. Friend of Colin's. Actually, he grew up two houses away from him, on the other side of Lindsey's," I added. My mother has known Colin since he was twelve and her knowledge of my male acquaintances more often than not radiates from his hub.

"Oh, a friend of Colin's... Well then, I'm sure that's all right."

I basked in the pride of having bought Jen at least another day or two of freedom from my mother's interrogation. Then her next words paralysed me for a moment... or really several moments.

"Now, speaking of Colin Wesley... really, Elizabeth dear, you can't just expect that poor boy to know how you feel. I've waited all these years for the two of you to get together because I know how fond of him you are, but he's going to need a little prompting...."

I was speechless. Encouraged by my silence, my mother rambled on.

"Men are like this. Oh, I know they pretend to be so worldly and sophisticated and insightful, but it's only a pose, and really they are quite naive, poor darlings. Even the quite intelligent ones are like this -- as a matter of fact, they often seem to be the worst of all, would you believe it? Lots of brains but not much practical sense to govern them."

Bewildered, I tried to interrupt during my mother's pause for breath, but wasn't quick enough.

"You mustn't tell them this, of course, dear," she continued. "Obviously, men are rather sensitive creatures and I'm afraid it might hurt their feelings dreadfully. They do seem to be rather insecure, don't they darling? Oh Elizabeth, you have no idea what I had to do to get your father to come 'round... but that's another story. Now where were we... hmmm. Ah, that dear silly boy Colin. You see my dear, he is just the type to be afflicted the worse, I'm sure you can understand. I mean, what with all his flirting... and hmm, everything -- yes, Lizzy, even I have heard the stories... some of them, at least -- and well, he is very intelligent, but really, not much sense sometimes, eh? And I daresay he can be very imperceptive when he chooses, is he not, dear? So as I was saying, Lizzy, you just have to walk up to him and --"

"Mommy! I'm not going to date Colin!" Oh God. Even my own mother thinks I'm in love with Colin.

"Of course you're not darling, if you continue on the way you are. Just friends," she sniffed. "Really, Lizzy --"

"Mom! I'm not in love with him! Good Lord, is this what you've been thinking for the last, what, year, five years, ten?"

Andy raised an eyebrow at me.

"Now Elizabeth..." my mother soothed.

"Mom, please. I-am-not-in-love-with-Colin-Wesley -- but that does not translate to I-want-to-meet-that-Harvey-guy."

"Lizzy..."

"Please Mommy?" I asked quickly. "Oops, okay, now I have to go, sooo.... talk to you later! Byyee!!!"

I banged my head against the table as Andy looked on sympathetically.

"Why why why why why..." I muttered against the table.

"Rough day, Lizzy?" Andy inquired.

"I'll live," I mumbled.

"Hmmm." Andy returned to his studying, while I watched him furtively.

Andrew is so nice. Usually rather quiet and low-key, every so often he will leave bewildered customers wondering "Was I just insulted?" with his thoroughly polite but razor-sharp comments. And Andrew in hyperdrive is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.

I know he used to be attracted to Kristen, but I'm not so sure about him now. I guess he figures if she hasn't been interested yet, she's never going to be, and then the Colin debacle a few weeks ago probably made Andy decide to give it up for good. I can see his point, and yet I can't help wishing Kristen hadn't wasted her chance with a guy like him.

He had seethed for a few days, but he sure isn't mad at Colin anymore. Hmmm. Guys are so nice and forgiving.

The past few days, though, I've seen very faint but very definitive signs that Andy might be about to fall for someone else. And someone who is a very inopportune object... if you ask me, anyway. (Not that they ever do; I think therein would lie the problem.) Why do my friends' romances have to be so messy and intertangled?

Hah. I'm demonstrating a solution for that -- don't have a romance at all. Right. Nothing more complicated than being lusted after and semi-stalked by an incredibly irritating and remarkably dense sycophant of slug-like intellect. Right. And then having a 'rescuer' foisted upon you in the form of a guy you detest... sort of. Right.

And your maddening and well-intentioned mother, your jealous and besotted sister, and just about everyone else you know, it seems, are all convinced you're hopelessly in love with the charmer you've been immune to for twelve years -- who would also be the one who foisted the quasi-detestable rescuer (all right... so he's not detestable in every way...) upon you, with all the best of misguided intentions.

Right. Not complicated at all. Right. And I need to get a boyfriend.

I leafed through Julie's paperwork. Ick. Well, that could wait. I drummed my fingers against the table for a minute, then reconsidered my clothes.

"Hey Andy?"

He looked up from his book. "Eh?"

"Ah... you wouldn't know, would you... do green and gray match?"

Andrew just shook his head. "Nope, Liz, can't comment. That lies out of my jurisdiction. Officially, all I know is The Guys' Fundamental Theorem of Matching."

"The what?"

"The Guys' Fundamental Theorem of Matching," he repeated patiently. "I'm a guy. It's all I need to know."

"Which would be...?"

"If the red tie doesn't match the pants, the navy one definitely will," he said proudly. "Of course," he added, "that doesn't mean that both ties can't match the pants, but then you don't have a problem. The rule is just a guideline to keep you safe."

"I've never heard that," I said in disbelief.

"Are you a guy?" Andy asked rhetorically. "Right, that could be why."

"This is all you people need to know?" I asked skeptically.

"And I forgot, the Theorem only really applies if you're wearing a white shirt. If your shirt's colored, well, that throws things off a bit, makes it complicated. Oh, and -- "

Andy stopped abruptly as I grasped his tie and pulled him towards me. "But this one's green, Andy," I argued, inspecting it. Baseball-themed, too. Figures.

"As I about to say... we can pick up scraps of information here and there. But officially, the Theorem is all we know. So I don't think I can, in good conscience, advise you about anything outside of that."

I shook my head incredulously. "Lunatic."

"Nope, just more honest. Regardless of what they might say, this is really all the average guy knows. I say average, because there are, of course, exceptions to everything."

"So what other male axioms are there?"

"Hmm. Well, there's the timeless "no, of course you look good in that, hon," but that's just simple self-preservation."

"Come on, Andy, you can do better than that. You think I've never heard that one?"

"Hence the word timeless..."

"So what other dirty little secrets do you guys have that I should know about?"

"That you should know about? Well, maybe I can't tell you, because you're not a guy," he said smugly. "Secret."

"Andrew!"

"All right, well I suppose some of them are more individual... one of mine is don't kiss your friend's girlfriend."

"Oh." Oh dear. Well, I thought he wasn't mad at Colin anymore...

"Don't kiss her, don't go after her at all. Not just if she's his girlfriend -- if he's interested in her, or well..." Andy ran his hand through his short hair and frowned thoughtfully. "It's a flexible rule, I suppose -- depends on the strength and depth of the friendship... and other things..."

"How long have you had this rule?" I asked nervously. I didn't want him to be mad at Colin. And the way Andy was qualifying his rule was making me worried about something else...

"Since I was about seventeen. I never had it tested too seriously, though... until now..." The last part of his statement was barely audible.

I gulped. Uh-oh... I ran it through my mind and concluded that one of two possibilities must be true, but not both. They were mutually exclusive. The first was that he was still mad at Colin over Kristen specifically and violation of this rule generally. The other possibility was... oh dear, what was Andy getting himself into??

He shrugged and reopened his book. "Sometimes I wonder -- under the right influence, that could go right out the window..."

"Er em, Andy? You're not -- you don't -- "

I got no further for my sister burst into the room.

"Lizzy, Colin just got here fifteen minutes ago and he's talked to me already. I told you!"

"Oh enough of that, Kristy," I said crossly. "So he talked to you. Big deal. You have any idea how many girls he talks to?" I looked quickly at Andrew. He was watching her dispassionately, with no sign of being upset. So that was good... but it would also mean...

"So you've been finally captivated by the irresistible Colin too, Kristen?" he teased.

She shrugged. "Who hasn't?"

"I haven't," I interjected, as Will Fitzdarcy walked into the room to hang up his coat. He accidentally caught my eye, then quickly looked away, turning brick red.

"Oh yeah, that's what she says," Kristen fumed at Andy. "But you know that the real reason she's saying that is she's really got it bad."

"Kristen!" I exclaimed, blushing furiously. "Enough with that, I am not in love with Colin. I can't believe you're being so ridiculous, just because you're saturated with lust and jealousy."

"You do! You do! Otherwise you wouldn't care what I do!" my sister protested.

Will turned around to look at me incredulously. Oh God, this is so embarrassing.

"Kristy --"

"Come on Kris," Andy tried to be reasonable. "I think your um, perceptions of reality might be a bit distorted, you being infatuated and all --"

"Infatuated?" Kristy blazed

Andy backed off. "All right, all right, bad word choice... well, you said you liked him..."

"Why are you taking her side?" she demanded.

"Because I believe her...?"

"Kristy, I'm just trying to keep you from doing something stupid that you will regret and will expose you to ridicule," I cut in.

"Oh come on Lizzy, Colin's not that bad."

I gave Andrew a withering look. "Did I ask you? And you're a guy, what would you know?"

"Hey..."

"See, Andy thinks you're being ridiculous and paranoid, Lizzy. Or of course maybe you're just jealous!"

"Well no Kristy, that's not what I said --"

"Andrew, will you just shut up?"

"Well I'm sorry Lizzy -- actually I was just about to say that well... I don't think going after Colin is the best idea, Kristy... but if that's what you really think you want..."

"I do!"

"Crash and burn," I muttered. "You know what, Kristy? Ask Lindsey, see what she says. She'll know."

"Fine!"

"Lindsey... that's a good point," said Andrew thoughtfully. "You're right, Lizzy, she would know. What I don't understand though, Kris, is that a few weeks ago you were convinced this was something you didn't want to get involved in, and now... well, what happened?"

"Well..." she flounded. "I just like him. I changed my mind. I can change my mind, can't I?"

"Ridiculous," I said in disgust.

The uncomfortable clearing of a throat suddenly interrupted our three-way argument.

"Erm, sorry to be in your way," said Will, who was trapped behind us, speaking for the first time. "But I um, actually, you're in my way and could you sort of ah, move? I'm kind of stuck..."

We moved to the sides of the narrow computer room to let him by, and he fled out the door. The color in his face had subsided, but his ears were still violently red.

"Kristen, please come to the runners' desk," said Julie over the intercom.

"Really Lizzy," she muttered on her way out the door.

I groaned and rubbed my forehead. "I'm um, sorry she's... being like this..." I began apologetically.

"No problem," said Andrew mildly.

"Well yeah, but..." I faltered.

"I'm not upset, Lizzy," he said with a faint smile. "I'm not 'in love' with her anymore, if that's what you're worried about. Not that I think I was really in love before, but well... I know what you mean."

"Errrr... yeah."

"So if it's Colin she wants, I wish her luck. Though I have to admit, I'm not so sure he's got quite the same ideas..."

"Colin!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "If you had any idea how much trouble that boy's given me the last few weeks --!"

Andy laughed. "Poor Lizzy."

"That boy..." I muttered.

"...Gets all the girls and doesn't want to keep any of 'em?"

"Moron." I shook my head. "Crash and burn."

"Ah, he'll learn."

"Probably the minute it's too late," I replied, sitting down.

"You could be right," he admitted. "You know, I'd hate to be the cause of that..." he trailed off, beginning to frown.

"So Andy," I said, wanting to extract more information. "What about you?"

"What about me?" he asked with a smile.

"Well, you're not interesting in my sister anymore, so... who?"

"Ah but Elizabeth, nowhere does it say I have to be interested in anyone now."

"No, but that doesn't mean you can't be."

"It isn't you so they're really nothing more for you to be interested in," he said with a chuckle.

I stared at him. Could he really believe that just because it wasn't me (which I had never thought anyway), I wouldn't be curious? What kind of unreality is he living in? Then I seized upon his last statement. "See, you just admitted that there is someone!"

"You're insatiable, Lizzy. It doesn't matter."

"Andy... please?"

The door opened and Richard Prescott walked in. "Elizabeth? There's something I need to discuss with -- oh, hello Andrew, didn't realize you were in here as well. I ah..."

"Well, actually I was just about to leave," said Andy tactfully, moving to stand up.

"What's up?" I asked as Andy closed the door behind him.

Richard looked unsure of how to begin. "Elizabeth... this is -- it's hard for me to say this -- you know I've always been quite fond of you and -- but some things I can't let pass by --"

"Richard?"

"Lizzy, I know you get frustrated, but that doesn't mean --"

"Oh!" I interrupted. "Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry about that woman. Maybe I should have been a little more careful about what I said, but -- did Julie tell you this?"

"What? I don't know anything about that. I was referring to that comment you made to Carol Ann earlier today... which is just one of many of the sort, I have noticed."

"Oh," I squeaked.

"I know, Lizzy, that the two of you are not the best of friends --"

I snorted and Richard gave me a stern look.

"But regardless it is important to have a cooperative, friendly, and respectful work environment."

"But --" I protested.

"I know, she is rude to you as well. But I would like to see you make the first attempt at cordiality, Elizabeth. Keep this in mind: you have worked here for years, a number of people here are close friends and you are popular with nearly everyone else. On the other hand, the last time Carol was here was while she was in college, and then only during vacations. Most people she doesn't know, and the rest, it seems, have some sort of grudge against her. I know you dislike her, but try to see things from her view. Perhaps she feels she needs to be defensive about certain things. But I think if you took that step forward, a lot of things could improve. Others would follow you. Now Will has told me that there was some sort of rift between you and Carol in high school --"

"Will! What does it have to do with him? How dare he! Why does it always seem like he's spilling some sort of distorted opinion on all I've done since I was fourteen!"

Richard was giving me an odd look, which only irritated me more. "Well, no, Elizabeth, I wouldn't quite say he did that... But will you promise me you'll try? For me?"

"All right," I grumbled. "I'll see what I can do." I happened to catch Richard's expression and an outlandish suspicion shot through my mind. "You like her!" I exclaimed.

I was amused to see him flush deeply under his dark skin. "Shh, Lizzy, please. I --"

"Richard!!!" Oh God. The last pillar had fallen. There are no sane men anymore, not here.

"Well, she... I think she has potential..."

"Potential?" I laughed. "Have you got some sort of Pygmalion complex, Richard?"

He stood up. "I hope our discussion has been productive?"

"Of course, Professor Higgins," I replied sweetly.

I waited until he shut the door, then laughed hysterically for five minutes. Richard, of all people.

I examined my stack of paperwork. Julie had probably given it to me because she wanted it done. I sighed and picked up my pencil and calculator, first locking the door. No distractions. Then the phone rang.

Oh no. Please not my mother again, please God, and I will be less moody, less self-absorbed in my bad moods, more patient, more polite, and more open-minded. I promise.

"Hello?" I asked cautiously.

"Ah, Lizzy, I'm so glad I could get through to you." Jen sounded relieved. "First of all, we need another gallon of milk, remember to get that. And tell Bing I'm very very sorry, but I can't go out with him tonight. We've got a situation at the hospital and I'll have be there until quite late. Oh Lizzy, this poor little boy. He's only five. There was a car accident and his mother was killed. He's rather seriously injured himself. His father left them four years ago, his neighbor tells me. So his grandparents are coming from Michigan, but that will take awhile of course, and he hasn't seen them since he was two. I'm sure he won't remember, especially in the condition he's in... no other relatives near here either. So you see I've got to stay here..."

"I'm sure Bing will understand. And don't worry about the milk. Umm... I hope the little boy is better and... everything..." I didn't know quite what to say. Things like that, I never do.

Jen said a hasty goodbye and hung up.

Why do I end up feeling so depressed and guilty after encounters like this? Jen is just so... good. And I am so not.

I tried to focus on the paperwork, but a tear suddenly marred it. And then another one. No. No. I do not cry. Especially not at work. I shoved the papers over and burst into tears.

Someone opened the door. I gulped. Nooo....

"Lizzy...?" It was Colin's voice.

"How did you get in?" I demanded, but it's hard to sound imposing when your voice is muffled by the table, your arms, and sobs.

"Ah, key?"

"Go away."

"No." I heard lock of the door click and the wheels of a chair roll across the floor. Colin sat down. "This isn't good..." he murmured softly, sliding his hand along my arm. "What happened? he asked in my ear.

I muttered something into my arms.

"Mmm, no. Come here." He dragged me up and over to him, and I somehow ended up with my head on his chest and my arms around his neck. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"It's because you're a horrible man," I sniffled against his shoulder.

"Okay," Colin agreed. "What else?"

"And I'm not nice. I'm moody and I'm not patient and I'm despicable and I make mean comments to people who really haven't done much to me and I'm so bad that even Richard gets upset with me, and all I worry about are stupid, petty, self-centered things and meanwhile Jen is worried because a little boy she's counseling at the hospital just lost his mother and now all he has is grandparents he doesn't even know."

"That's a pretty comprehensive list," Colin replied calmly, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Although I would have to disagree with that part about you being despicable, for starters. But let's back up a bit so I can understand this better. What specifically have I done that's horrible?"

"Because. I can't believe you sent Will over to my house last Saturday. What were you thinking, Colin? It was so embarrassing, him yelling at Billy and creating that big fuss, and all the neighbors were wondering what was going on, and then he was expecting I was going to be glad he had done that -- and I never even wanted him to come in the first place."

"Right... Will did tell me what happened -- did you really have to insult him so much, Lizzy? He was trying to help. Was that really necessary?"

"I told you I'm mean," I muttered. "But why couldn't you have just come over like I asked, Colin?"

"Well... I was trying to -- I thought... maybe..."

"Well don't." I sniffled again. "I don't really want to talk about it -- now. Know what else you did?"

"Oh dear."

"And now I think even Will thinks it too.. everyone thinks I'm in love with you."

"Everyone?" Colin asked.

"Well..." I put my chin on his shoulder. "Maybe not everyone. Lindsey doesn't, at least. But almost everyone else does. I don't know why! It's not fair, Colin."

"Lindsey doesn't think so? Hmmm. Actually, there was something about her I was thinking... but that can wait. I don't think you're in love with me," he added helpfully. "Although --"

"What?"

"Well, at least from Will's perspective, I can understand it. I mean, Saturday you might have given him that impression --"

"Saturday?" I asked sharply. "You mean he thought that already?"

"Well, really... longer than that, hon."

I banged my head against Colin's shoulder. "Why???" I wailed.

"Well, you know... no, you don't know. Let's just say Will has his little ideas? But then, if other people think so too, Lizzy..."

"I thought it was just because of today, when Kristy barged in here to continue our breakfast time argument over you, while Will was listening. She keeps insisting I'm in love with you and that I'm jealous." I looked up and glared at him. "That's the other problem. Kristy suddenly insists on being besotted with you."

"Oops..."

I smacked him on the back of the head. "Oops? Colin! What were you thinking, hitting on my sister? Kissing my sister?"

"Well I... hey, before she said she wasn't interested? What happened?"

"I don't know... a few brain cells died. But she was mad because I was trying to do her a favor and warn her off you. Thus, she concluded I must be in love with you and my motives are purely self-serving."

"Warned her off me? Come on, Lizzy, I'm not that bad --"

"Do you have any intention of having a serious relationship with her? think hard, I know those words confuse you."

"No, but..."

"See?"

"All I did was kiss her, Lizzy..."

"I know, but it better not go any further than that or I will hurt you so bad." Colin's eyes went wide; evidently he remembered the arm-twisting of last week. "And how I do so will be entirely at my discretion, as I deem appropriate," I added meaningfully. Colin winced.

"Look, Liz, I'm sorry --"

"You're so bad."

"Lizzy!"

"You are. Look at how many problems you've created for me in just a few days."

"Lizzy, really. I'm very sorry. All right, I'll stay clear of Kristy. I'll see what I can do about everyone thinking you're in love..."

I leaned back and scrutinized him. "You know, I really don't get it."

"What?"

"You. Why do they all like you? You're not even that good-looking, you know."

Colin chuckled. "Ruthless, my dear."

"Not, really. I don't understand." I eyed him critically. He had a crooked smile and a long face and a high forehead. His hair was too short in back and stuck up weirdly in front when not plastered down. He was too pale and almost never tanned, though now that summer had just finished he had a sprinkling of freckles across the middle third of his face. He laughed too loudly. His eyes had too much gray in them to be truly blue. Where was the allure? "And you are so obnoxious sometimes. What is it about you???"

He shrugged. "I don't know. But I do have a date tonight, so there." He smirked.

"Who?"

"Angela in the floral department."

I frowned. "I don't think there is an Angela in floral, Colin... there's an Angela in the Service Desk, but -- Colin..."

"Right..." he said, slowly turning deeper and deeper red. "Er, I meant Tracy."

"Colin!"

"Sorry..."

Lucky for him he had the grace to be nonplused; otherwise I think I would have hit him very, very hard.

"I mean, they're a lot alike..."

I snorted. Tracy is a shy, quiet brunette. Angela is a outgoing blonde who keeps up a raucous, ongoing flirtation with Colin. "I told you you're terrible."

"I'm sorry," he said meekly.

I shook my head. "Tracy's a nice girl," I admonished. "Promise no bad stuff, Colin."

"I'll be a perfect gentleman."

"Hmmm, right."

"What else was bothering you, Lizzy?" he asked desperately.

"Bad day," I muttered. Things seemed a bit more in perspective now. Love Colin -- just not the way people think I do. "The Kristy thing was a crisis... I guess everything went downhill from there."

"Sorry..."

I sighed. "We'll get it straightened out. Just Colin?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop being stupid, okay?" I went on before he could reply. "And I'm just so flawed. I embarrassed Julie earlier by being discourteous to a customer... and Richard got mad at me because of how I treat Carol Ann -- he likes her, you know. Thinks she has 'potential.'"

Colin gave a shout of laughter. "Richard? Well, it will get her off Will's back at least. hey, maybe Rich does have a point though. Who knows, maybe she's changed since high school and we won't let her show it. Gotta give everyone another chance, I guess."

"Yeah... but it made me think, I'm so impatient, so intolerant. And maybe I hold grudges too long. And then look at Jen. She's so nice, so much more kind and forbearing than I am. And that's why Will's just messing with my mind. he can't really like me."

"I don't think I see the connection..."

"Because, Colin, I'm so imperfect. I mean, what do I have that would interest him? I'm not the kindest, I'm not the smartest, I'm not the funniest, I'm not the prettiest, God knows I'm not the richest..."

"Why do you think you have to be an '-est' for you to interest him?" Colin asked, shuffling over.

Huh. "Well -- I don't know. It just seems like -- Well, I'm out of his league. I mean..."

"I think you're out of your mind, more like it."

"No, Colin, I -- I just don't see what he would want in me."

Colin sighed. "Lizzy Lizzy Lizzy..."

"Do you know what? Even my mother thinks I'm in love with you." I groaned. "She called me today -- wanted to see if I'd go out with some guy she works with named Harvey, and when the answer was a resounded no, she announced I must tell you my true feelings for you."

"Which would actually be that you don't find me attractive at all," said Colin in a mock-hurt tone. He laughed. "Your mom's great, Lizzy. Tell her I miss her chocolate chip cookies."

"That means she'll bake about four dozen and send them over to you."

Colin smirked. "I know."

I poked him in the ribs. "You're so skinny. I don't get it."

Colin rolled his eyes. "I seem to fail to meet all your standards Lizzy. So sorry."

"You should be! you know what, though," I said wistfully. "I have to admit... Will on the other hand..."

Colin burst out laughing. "Liz!" He raised an eyebrow. "Hey, you dumped that water on him for a reason, didn't you?"

I blushed. "No! I did that without thinking, I was just mad. But then I started noticing..."

Colin flopped back in his chair and laughed. "This is great."

I glared at him. "I'm never telling you anything again." I threatened.

"Yeah right." He snickered again.

"None of my mother's cookie's for you!"

"I'll ask her myself." He smirked. "You're so funny Liz."

"Dork," I muttered. "Hey, what was that about Lindsey?"

"Oh yeah! Know what, Lizzy, it's going downhill fast."

"You mean with Jack."

"Yep. See, I've started to notice, a lot of times he'll be talking and her mind will start wandering off. She's bored."

Huh. I had to admit, I had noticed that too. "Congratulations, you're more observant than I though," I retorted.

Colin looked at me but chose not to respond to the sarcastic comment. "And they have nothing in common anyway. Boredom is a very bad thing in a relationship."

"Like you would know!" I exclaimed in disbelief.

"I do. I mean, I always think that I'll really have something with a girl... then I start getting bored. I'm not quite the cad you think I am, Lizzy."

"Always," I said skeptically.

"Well... most of the time. About forty percent maybe."

Evidently the concept of a simple majority eludes Colin.

He scratched his head. "I don't know, I just always seem to get bored... very quickly."

"Short attention span," I suggested.

"No, it's not that. It's just -- well, they're all the same, in a way. And then there's nothing to do. I don't know... I need a girl who will give me a jolt every so often, I think."

"Hmmm..."

"By the way," Colin continued casually. "She still mad at me?"

"Lindsey? Hmm...Well yes, but..."

"Easing up?" asked Colin with a grin. "Excellent. I hate her being mad at me."

"So I've noticed."

He picked at a loose thread on his knee. "I mean, why does she have to be like this? That girl can do the cold shoulder more thoroughly than anyone else I know. I mean, with you, it's boom, the top of Mount Vesuvius blows off, and then it's all over. Well, you do have your adolescent hang-ups now and then, but or the most part, it's over pretty quickly. But Lindsey..." He frowned. "I miss her. Miss talking to her. She's fun, then she's not being mean to me."

"You want me to test the waters?" I asked sympathetically.

His face lit up. "Thanks, Lizzy."

Julie opened the door. "So glad to see the two of you are working so hard," she observed sarcastically.

Colin and I could only look at the floor guiltily.

"I need someone to make a delivery out to the country. Any volunteers?"

"Me!" Colin and I both said automatically.

Julie rolled her eyes. "I'm not sure how much I trust you with a car. Especially when some of this stuff needs to be handled carefully."

Actually, Colin is a much more careful driver than I am, I have to admit. But no reason Julie had to know that. I stood up with a triumphant smile. Besides, i would do it faster.

"Don't rub it in, Lizzy," Colin teased, intercepting my smirk.

"Thank you, Elizabeth. Hey Will," she called. "You guys can load it now, it's all ready. Whose car are you going to take."

"What - Wait - Will?!??" I spluttered.

"It's a big delivery, Lizzy," Julie replied. "Of course I'm sending two of you."

"Will!"

Julie was not Colin; this was not some cockamamie plan to throw us together, but that did not make me like it any more.

"Lizzy, I don't have time for your silliness," said Julie impatiently.

Behind me Colin was laughing loudly. I turned to glare at him and he said something that sounded suspiciously like "Adolescent hang-ups."

I stuck my chin out. "What silliness?" I asked haughtily. "Which door would you like me to pull up to, Julie?"

Part 17: Some days it Pours

Posted on Friday, 15 June 2001

(Elizabeth)

"Sh -- she is going with me?" Will Fitzdarcy stuttered, nodding his head in my direction.

"Yessss...." replied Julie in a tone of forced patience.

"But --" I began, but Julie cut me off as Colin emerged from the computer room.

"Just a second, Lizzy. Hey Colin, come here. Have you fixed register five yet? I want to put a cashier on it in about two minutes."

Colin looked blank. "Eh, what?" His nose wrinkled. "I didn't know it was broken, Julie..."

She pursed her lips in displeasure. "Lindsey never told you?"

"Oh. Er, well... actually no..." Colin tried to defend her, though he knew full well Lindsey deliberately had not told him. "But hey, you know what, I'm sure she must have run into some problem she had to take care of, you know... or something like that... yeah?"

At this unfortunate juncture Lindsey arrived, oblivious to Julie's anger, but only for about another three seconds.

"Oh, fantastic," said Julie sarcastically. "Uh-huh, I see... This is just great, we're in middle school again." She glared at all and sundry.

Will ran his hand through his hair several times, clearly still on his own train of thought. His face was slowly but consistently darkening to a brick red. "A delivery -- with her??? Oh no... I mean, oooh this is bad ah erm Julie I um.... with her! I don't think --"

Julie erupted. "I am so sick of my subordinates acting like little children!" she shouted. We all stopped to stare at her.

"Yes, that means all of you, Will, Elizabeth, Colin, Lindsey, Kristen -- and Andrew, stop staring at that baseball game and please do something -- all of you, do something! I don't want to hear, see, or be informed of any diversions. That means no squabbling, no dawdling, no chatting, no whining and complaining, no flirting -- Colin, yes, that was directed primarily at you--"

Colin opened his mouth to protest, but Julie steamed on before he could say a word.

"No computer games in the office, no personal calls, no sept-hourly expeditions to the drinking fountain, no wasting time teasing the cashiers, no lounging by the Service Desk. No incessant fiddling with the copying machine when you know you're never going to be able to fix it. No procrastinating, no pre- and post-lunch snacks, no offending the customers, no reading the magazines, newspapers, and coloring books. No crashing the computer system by experimenting with your new programs, Will--"

"But that wasn't -- I --" he argued, but Julie ignored him.

"No trying to listen in on the gossip in the accounting office. No tęte-ŕ-tętes in the computer room. No deploying seventeen-year-old cashiers on jobs that are your responsibilities while you stand at the runners' desk pretending to look important and 'busy'. No swearing, no shenanigans, no neglecting the paperwork I ask you to do -- Lizzy..."

My sister giggled but stopped abruptly when Julie turned a cold glare on her. However, Kristy escaped the individual critique the rest of us received.

"Boys, no complaining about having to wear a tie. No traipsing outside to pretend to supervise the Helping Hands, no standing around aimlessly, no random doodling at the runners' desk. No wandering over to the cafe to make sure it's still there -- hey, what do you know, it always is. No breakdown of communication because you're giving someone the silent treatment and seething over personal issues, Lindsey--"

Lindsey pursed her lips, an angry spark jumping into her eyes, but said nothing. Colin, however, tried to defend her -- again. "Julie, wait a second, don't you think that's a little--"

"No, I don't," she interrupted. "No Post-it-Notes with bits of your thesis scribbled on them scattered all about the managers' office, Colin. No trips back to the storage room just to look for a marker, no excursions to the coffee bar to take back that one all-important cupholder, oh however can they manage without it... it can wait!!!. No blowing off assignments, no ignoring of messes. No watching the television in the video department -- Andrew!!!"

Nervously, the rest of us glanced towards the luckless Andy. He was standing a few yards away staring through the window of the video store, so mesmerized by the nationally broadcasted magnetism of professional baseball he had never heard Julie.

A dangerous flash appeared in her eyes. Richard was approaching us, but upon descrying Julie's rage, he prudently turned around. She did not notice his defection; her eyes were focused with predatory intent upon Andrew Dennison. The rest of us shot furtive, desperate looks at each other, helpless as we watched Julie drummed her fingertips together.

Lindsey was the brave one. Studiously avoiding Julie's glare, she darted away towards Andrew. We watched as she reached up to lay her hand on his shoulder and murmured something in his ear, causing him to jump, then as they both glanced back at our nervous little group standing around the visibly furious Julie and apparently judged it wiser not to return, for Andy began to collect the blue shopping baskets at a frenetic pace and Lindsey took out a spray bottle and roll of paper towels and started cleaning the unoccupied registers.

The set of Julie's mouth relaxed into a condescending expression. "There now, you see that?" she asked, now speaking in her usual pleasant modulated tone. "Lovely." We nodded dumbly. Then Colin's nose twitched and a hint of the disarming smile began to appear.

"Ah... really sorry Julie, we didn't know you were so ups--"

"You. Quiet."

Colin's eyebrows shot up in alarm at her command. Then he followed Lindsey and Andy's lead, striding away to do something productive as fast as his long legs could manage and still have it technically be called a walk.

Julie turned to my sister. "You can go home early if you want, Kristy. It isn't very busy and you only have another hour or so anyway."

"Um. Sure." Kristen edged away slowly, too scared to turn her back on Julie.

Which now left just me and Will. "You were saying, Willis?" she asked in a sugar-coated voice.

He gulped and answered quickly. "Oh n-never mind, it was nothing. Well, only ah, where do you think the best place to bring the cart of deliveries would be? Ma'am?"

"I'm sure the door in front of the drive-up zone would be the easiest," she replied smoothly. Will scurried away. Julie smiled at me benignly, and I felt like an appetizing mouse gazing up at a hawk.

I gave my superior a tentative little smile and decided to play it cool. Just because my colleagues had to betray their terror didn't mean I had to as well.

"So, where are we taking this stuff? The country, you said?"

"Up to Canadaigua. I had Lindsey print you out a map off the Internet."

"Canadaigua?" I asked, surprised. "Isn't that kind of far -- I mean, why didn't the people order it from another store that was closer?"

I didn't mind though. I needed to get out of the store and I like making deliveries -- after all, it happens to be something that entails driving. The scenery would be nice: early fall by the lakeshore. And country back roads mean you can go at least fifteen or twenty miles over the speed 'limit'. The only drawback to this trip was the presence of Will Fitzdarcy.

"Apparently somebody who lives in Pittsford and is attending the function was supposed to pick it up on the way to Canadaigua, but he forgot," Julie replied. "You know how it is, people being irresponsible and neglecting to do assignments," she added sweetly.

"Oh," was all I could muster.

"Whose car are you taking?" Julie asked as Will came back with the deliveries.

"Mine," I replied. "Of course."

Will looked like he was going to say something but thought better of it.

I was stopped by Colin on my way to the parking lot. He was hovering in a perplexed but hopeful orbit around Lindsey, trying to help her while she placidly ignored him. Actually, ignoring is too weak a verb to describe it; Lindsey was doing everything possible to deny the existence of Colin short of walking through him.

Despite Julie's warning. Despite Colin's twice attempted defense of her. Despite all that is sane and sensible. I shook my head. Lindsey doesn't give things up easily.

Colin drew me aside. "I thought you said she was easing up!" he demanded, following me outside.

"She is. Be patient... give it a little more time."

"More time!" he exploded. A few heads turned, and he dropped his voice. "Come on, Lizzy. I'm doing everything I can, but nothing from her. What am I, invisible?"

"Very much not," I said dryly. "By the way, she's thinking of getting a car." I knew it would upset him.

"She never told me," said Colin, sounding hurt.

"She hasn't told you anything in a while, dear."

Colin frowned, shrugged, and started back towards the store. "But I'm right about Jack!" he called, walking backwards.

"And?" I retorted. "Then what?"

Colin's nose and forehead wrinkled. I took pity on him as decided to let him off easy.

"Hey Colin? Do green and gray match?"

He grinned, quicker than Richard and more direct than Andrew. "You look good, Lizzy." He walked away chuckling.

As always, I felt a spark of delight as I turned the keys to start Spencer. I love driving. I love cars. I love my car -- my car. Compact, maneuverable, eager to please, a child of the eighties, red, Spencer is the love of my life. We've been together five years as of this past August. He's certainly more reliable and more sensitive than any human men I've ever had a relationship with.

I pulled up to the drive-up/employee door and got out to help Will and Colin load the food in the car.

"All right, ready Elizabeth?" Will asked. He opened the driver's side door and slid into the seat... Into my driver's seat of my car, his hands on my steering wheel. What???

"What are you doing?" I asked frostily.

Will looked confused, then read my face. He jumped out of the car, muttering profuse and incoherent apologies.

I made no reply but to disdainfully assume my rightful place behind the wheel of my car. Colin knocked on my window.

I rolled it down. "What do you want?"

Colin shot a look at Will, smirked mischievously, and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Hey Lizzy, if you can help it, don't throw Will into Canadaigua Lake when you're up there, okay hon?" He laughed at my expression and sauntered back into the store.

The flush of heat that swept over my face told me there was a correspondent flush of color.

"Wha --?" Will cried involuntarily as I furiously pealed out of the parking lot. He collected himself. "What was that all about?"

"Hmm?"

"With Colin. What did he say -- I mean, errr... I'm wondering if it was anything important -- work-related I mean, of course... only special instructions about the delivery or um... something..."

"None of your business, " I snapped.

Will's eyebrows shot up; he looked at me, still red-faced, and looked down at the floor of the car. Annoyed, I took out my frustrations on the accelerator... until the stoplight in front of me had the audacity to turn red. Then the brake felt the full force of my indignation.

"Whatta --? Whatta--?" Will spluttered. I shot him a glare.

"Any problems?" I hit the accelerator again and took the turn sharply. Very sharply.

"Ehhhh... no." Will's eyes went huge and riveted on the guardrail as I turned again.

"Good." If he's got problems with my driving, he can walk.

"Ermm... yeah. Whatever. Huh."

Good God. This is ridiculous. This is an intelligent and capable man, who is certainly proud of any and all his abilities, and yet he can't string a simple sentence together, much less carry on a decent conversation. I like men who can talk, damnit! Suddenly, Colin Wesley is looking extremely attractive.

Fine, if he isn't going try to talk to me, he can just suffer in silence. Or then again, it would be a greater punishment for him to be forced into conversation, wouldn't it?

But what to say... what to say... What did one discuss with a Willis J. Fitzdarcy? Weather, no, how boring. He's a computer person, but if I try to talk about that, I'll look stupid. Work? No, that's too easy. Books? No. Pets? No. Movies? No. Family??? No!

He was staring straight out the window, but occasionally flicked glances at me that were starting to become very unnerving. I took a deep breath.

"So, Will... do green and gray match?"

He has no idea. I swear. Of course, being a guy, being an attractive, arrogant, twenty-eight year old guy, being Will, he had to pretend he knows. So he gave me some sort of rambling answer, trying to explain that green and gray are both arguably in the blue 'family', that his Aunt Phyllis just painted her kitchen green and gray and that must mean something, that they are found together in nature, and a lot of other nonsense. He finally mumbled something about green and gray starting with the same two letters -- or even three, should that be your spelling preference -- therefore, green and gray are meant to belong together. Now why didn't I think of that?

"Okay, so you don't know," I interrupted, wearied of his digressions.

"What? Of course I know. Haven't I just told you --"

"A long stream of nonsense? Indeed."

"Well really, Elizabeth, 'do green and gray match?' What kind out shot out of the blue is that?"

"Now you're mixing your metaphors. It should be --"

"I can do whatever I bloody want with the English language!" Will cried.

"When why don't you try using it, for starters?"

"What?"

"I you can do anything with the English language, why can't you even attempt a half-way decent conversation with me? You know, showcase your skill, if for something else," I said sarcastically.

"I never do anything for that, Elizabeth. I never try to court favorable opinion," he snapped. "If I'm good, I'm good -- no need to prove that by playing to others."

I fumed at the arrogance of the man and at the implication that I was preoccupied with general opinion, while he was a latter-day Thoreau. So I ignored him, keeping my eyes on the stoplight. It changed to green, and I let the car shoot forward, provoking a strangled gasp from Will.

"Bloody hell! What's wrong with you, woman?"

I only smiled. Sullenly, Will looked sideways at me. "And Lizzy... why was your lipstick on Colin's shirt...?"

"What?" I cried angrily. Spencer veered sharply to the left. "So I go around snogging various coworkers in the backrooms, is that what you think of me?"

"No, I -- snogging?"

"Kissing and... etcetera. The British version. Like in Bridget Jones."

"Chick book," Will dismissed.

"What, just because it doesn't have speedboat chases or expensive pyrotechnics? Besides, it's a modern adaptation of Pride and Prejudice -- a classic."

"I've read that!" Will exclaimed, rather proudly, I thought. So what does he want, a Presidential Medal of Honor? Ought to be required for the NYS Regents, I think... ah well, no one listens to me.

"Your point?" I asked bluntly.

"Just trying to prove to you that I am literate," he sulked.

"Oh.... really...." I drawled, taking Spencer around a tight curve. "I would have thought if you're literate, you're literate, no need to prove it to others..."

He flushed dark red. "Do you always have to twist my words like this, Elizabeth? What is it you want from me?"

I stared at the reflection of his scowl in my rearview mirror. What did I want from him? I didn't even know I had wanted anything from him... but what drove me to treat the man as I did? I'm not a mean person by nature, really, but something about Willis Fitzdarcy got under my skin. Put me on the defensive. Goaded these feelings.

I saw him relax his face. "All right Lizzy, I'm sorry I insulted your book. So it was good?"

I frowned uncertainly. Why...? "Yeah, it was great... they're supposed to be making a movie of it, for next summer, I think. With Colin Firth -- the cool think is he was Mr. Darcy in BBC's Pride and Prejudice. So deliciously dark," I added with relish.

Will raised his eyebrow, looking amused. "I see."

I caught another glance of him in the mirror and blushed. Will was dark too... deliciously?

I didn't think I should pursue that line of thought.

"I can't remember where I'm supposed to turn here," I murmured. "You got that map ready, Will?"

It looked like it was going to rain again. It had held off for the entire drive to Candidagua, but the clouds were darkening in the direction of Rochester.

"Will?"

"Er..."

"Don't tell me."

"Yeah, I'm afraid so... I think I left it on the customer's kitchen table. S-"

"Will!!!"

"I'm sorry, Lizzy. Really. Look, I think it's left, wasn't it?"

"Right, I thought," I said dubiously, looking the intersection up and down.

"Errr... well, you drove, I guess it's your call?"

Will and I alternated guesses for the next five turns.

"This doesn't look familiar at all. What does that sign there say, Will?"

"Uh-oh..."

"Will?!?" I shrieked.

"It said 'Welcome to Seneca County'..."

I swore.

"Isn't that sort of... halfway to Syracuse?" Will observed.

"Argh!!!"

"Come on Lizzy, why don't we just pull over at a gas station and --"

"Why would we do that?" I demanded.

Will blinked at me. "Because we're lost..."

"No we're not," I snapped.

"No? What do you call it?"

"We're not lost."

"Do you know how to get back to Pittsford, then?"

"We're not lost," I reiterated. Will just gave me a look. "We are temporarily misplaced."

Will let out a guffaw, undeterred by my glare. "Okay Lizzy, you call it that."

"Come on Will, can't you just shut up and let me concentrate."

"You're almost out of gas," he observed unhelpfully.

"No I'm not."

"You didn't even look. You're almost empty."

I glanced at the meter and called Will an impolite name.

"The next station is right ahead," he replied calmly.

I hope he felt the reverberations when I slammed the door.

I filled the tank and was about to get back in the car when I heard voices.

"Excuse me, sir," Will said to an employee. "We're --" he noticed me. "We're temporarily misplaced. Could you tell us how to get to Monroe County?"

"B------!" I exploded.

The man winked at Will and smirked. "Fiesty one, ain't she? You're a lucky man, buddy."

"Something like that," Will replied with a small chuckle.

Before I could decide which I would kill first, a clap of thunder interrupted us. Immediately it began to rain. Hard. I was wearing a windbreaker, but Will, being tough and manly, had distained a jacket or a sweater, wearing only his white dress shirt... his now rather wet white dress shirt.

I looked at the sky hopelessly. Evidently God has a sense of humor. Evidently I am the butt of his joke.

"Come on Elizabeth, what did I do that was so bad?" Will teased.

"First you go behind my back and tell everyone I got us lost, I'm such a ditz, then you make me into a sex object with a gas station attendant," I replied frostily, not looking at him. I didn't think it would be a good idea to look at him.

"Lizzy, I didn't do that. Come on, you think I'd objectify you?"

"You certainly didn't seem to mind."

"All right, I'm sorry, but what did you want me to do?"

"For one, you didn't have to smirk --"

"That wasn't a smirk. That was a... an uneasy smile."

I snorted. "And I'm not saying you had to send him to the emergency room, but you could have defended my honor --"

"So you like 'em chivalrous?" Will laughed, rather to my surprise. How strange. He was relaxed now; I was uneasy and defensive. All right, enough of that.

"Colin would have," I replied sweetly

Will's lips tightened and he looked out his window. "Yes, Colin does everything right for you, doesn't he?"

"I'm not in love with him..." I murmured.

Will's head whipped around. "But well uh --"

I laughed. "He's a great friend, but he's just not my type."

"Hmmm..."

"I like the dark, brooding, intense ones," I said demurely.

"Hmmm." said Will.

"Well, we made it," Will commented as headed into the eastern suburbs of Rochester.

"Took us an extra hour and a half, but I'm sure Julie isn't going to suspect us of doing anything untoward," I replied impishly.

"Lizzy!!!"

"Hey, do you want to go home?" I interrupted.

"Home?"

"I mean, your house -- I thought maybe it would be a good idea for you to change..." I gestured vaguely at his shirt.

"Oh! Yeah, thanks. I had forgotten about it."

I hadn't.

I wandered around the Fitzdarcy library as I waited for Will. There were a substantial amount of classics and contemporary fiction, in addition to the masses of history and biographies. I espied a copy of Pride and Prejudice and flipped it open. Laura Lindsey was inscribed on the front cover. Hmmm. I studied a studio photograph of a woman of about thirty, taken about twenty-some years ago. She had dark eyes and smooth waves of dark hair. The picture next to it I recognised as Robert Fitzdarcy -- sandy hair, hazel eyes, much like his daughter. Will certainly took after his mother.

I half turned as Will came into the library, tying a new tie. "Your mother?" I asked, indicating the picture.

He looked surprised. "Yes... that's right, you never knew her. They gave my sister her maiden name, you know..." He looked around the library. "Most of these books were my father's. Lindsey's read a lot of them... she's always liked the same sort of stuff as he did. I never come in here much..."

Wondering at that enigmatical statement, I followed him out of the library. "You want something to drink?" Will called over his shoulder.

"No, I'm fine. Will..."

"Yes?"

"Thanks anyway." I smiled. He looked at me quizzically for a second, then met my eyes and smiled.

"No problem."

When we got back to the store, Colin and Andy were peering through the windows of the video department, gazing in awed fascination at the outcome of the baseball game.

"Looks like we might just have ourselves a subway series!" Colin exclaimed, enthusiastically slapping hands with Andrew.

"Yeah!" Andy shouted. "Hah, Mets," he added scornfully, ever a die-hard Yankees fan.

I tugged Colin's shirt and dragged him over to a corner. His eyes crinkled as he smirked humorously. "So, just enough time to take the stuff out to Canadagua then dispose of Will in a convenient quarry?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Never mind, I see him right there. All right... so alternatively, enough time to make the delivery and then find a convenient mot--"

"Colin!"

"Oh, I'll keep your secret Lizzy," he teased.

"We got... temporarily misplaced," I confessed.

"You got lost."

"Yeah... Will left the map at the customer's house. We ended up in Seneca County..."

Colin let out a low whistle. "I'm impressed. So, how did you kids get along? Have fun?"

"It rained," I said matter-of-factly.

His eyebrows shot up. "I see. Hey, no need for the lake, huh?"

"Something like that..." I mumbled.

Colin's blue-gray eyes flickered with amusement but before he could make a joke, Will approached us. Colin murmured something to Will that I couldn't hear but made Will laugh. Julie came toward us, talking on the phone but with a distinctly sardonic expression.

"No, Jason... it was supposed to be 400 degrees at five o'clock, not 500 at four... oh well, why don't you just order a pizza... it's okay honey... see you later." Julie turned off the phone and raised her eyebrow at us. "You certainly took your time..."

"'No personal calls', Julie," Colin mimicked wickedly.

"Ah Mr. Wesley, that reminds me, I need you to go on register 21; the cashier's going home and I don't have a replacement yet --"

"Not again," Colin muttered.

Julie led him away, cheerfully dictating a list that seemed to include rather a lot of "and thens."

Will and I were left to stare foolishly at each other, not sure what to say.

"Hey Lizzy..." Lindsey called. "I've got problems..."

"What's wrong?" I asked, walking with her away from Will, who looked a bit startled.

"Jack."

"What about him."

"He doesn't like baseball. How's that possible?"

"Well --"

"And he plays soccer! I hate soccer!"

"Okay --"

"I mean really hate it. Game of idiots, just kick the ball up and down the field... why?"

"Precisely, why?"

"I don't know. It's such a repetitive game. It's --"

"I wasn't talking about soccer."

"Then...?"

"Why Jack?"

"Well..."

"He's hot," I supplied.

"Hmmm," said Lindsey doubtfully.

"Dark eyes and I'd almost consider dating him."

"Actually I like the blue eyes... except I like more blue eyes with some green... or gray..."

I groaned.

"Not that there's anything wrong with Jack, just... he's not really my type... I'm not saying he isn't hot, it's just I like better --"

"Light brown hair, bluish eyes, skinny, charming, boy-next-door, likes baseball, plays baseball..."

Lindsey blushed at looked at the ceiling. "Something like that..." she told it.

"The rafters concur," I said sardonically.

Lindsey looked at me again. "Well, you ain't always get exactly what you want--"

"Dump him."

"What??"

"You heard me. Dump him."

"But..."

"Why not?"

"Well... I can't just do that... for no reason ..."

"I see a hell of a lot of reason."

"Lizzy..."

"Lindz! You can't keep on with things as they are! Take him or leave him."

"Maybe if I just ignore it it'll go away?" she suggested hopefully.

"Keep dreaming," I laughed, walking off to answer a light.

"Hey Lizzy," she called after me. "You're welcome to him if you want! Or if you know anyone who likes soccer, tell her to call me!"

Part 18: Spinning Round and Round

Posted on Tuesday, 27 November 2001

Lindsey

Right. Finally I've decided what I can do with my Philosophy degree (hmmm), my History minor, and the English masters I'm working on. Publishing. Editing. Or work for a historian. I could do that. I think.

I really wish I could talk to Colin. Colin. Hmmm.

All right! I miss him. But ...

"Lindz!" my brother called down the hallway.

"What's wrong?" I asked, walking into his room. Will was dressed in business clothes; I remembered he was giving a computer-training seminar this afternoon.

"Button fell off my blazer and rolled off the dresser. Your hands are so much smaller -- do you think you could reach back there?" He gestured to a small space between the dresser and a nightstand.

I knelt down and tried to wriggle my arm back while Will fiddled with the change on his dresser.

"By the way ... " he began casually, "What does Lizzy think of me ... now?"

I looked up at him and banged my head on the dresser. "Ouch! -- what Will?"

"Sorry. Is it really that unthinkable?"

"No," I said quickly. "Well, I mean ... " I paused and thought about it. "I think ... she doesn't know."

"You mean you don't know," he said, eyeing me.

"No. She doesn't know."

"Well then, that gives me space for improvement, doesn't it," Will murmured, jingling the change absently.

I retrieved the button. "Does it? So what are you going to do?"

"What? Oh, that ... " Will smiled. "Well, I've got some ideas ... you know, had a guys-only forum to sound the issue out and everything."

"No ... . please, no ... " I muttered. "Which guys, by the way?"

"That's for me to know and you not to find out. Too innocent."

"Not Colin and Bing, Will ... please? Not Colin -- are you insane?"

Will spread his hands wide and smiled beatifically. "The Experts."

"No ... . no ... " I murmured, shaking my head, though I didn't expect it to make any impression.

"Oh by the way, tell Colin happy birthday for me, will you?" I swallowed, but Will didn't notice. "Twenty-five, could you believe it. I can't -- more like seventeen, I sometimes think."

I was silent. Even at seventeen I had thought he was wonderful ...

"Why so blue, Lindzerella?" my brother teased gently.

"What?" I jumped. "Nothing."

"All right ... hey, Linds," he called as I walked out the door, "You didn't have a fight with Colin or anything, did you? I was just thinking, you two haven't seemed to have been talking as much as usual the last few days. Huh ... or maybe last few weeks?. Or maybe that's just me."

"Oh, definitely, something's just you, Will ... "

Once in the hallway, I banged my forehead against the wall. My brother has got to be one of the most oblivious people of my acquaintance. And yet he thinks he's incredibly observant and perceptive of others' motivations. This could become a problem ...

What could I do to help him with Lizzy?

"Eh, Lindseeeeey ... " Will called.

I poked my head around the corner.

"All the same," he continued, knotting his tie, "she thinks I'm kinda cute."

I burst out laughing at Will's broad grin.

"Why's that funny?"

"Of course she thinks that; the fact's driving her out of her mind. How you could have stumbled upon this is what I don't understand."

"Oh. Well," Will shrugged, attempting to look offhand. "I suppose she as much as told me."

I crossed the distance between us and looked up at my much taller brother. "Lizzy told you? You're, hmm, you're sure she wasn't talking about something else?" I asked disbelievingly.

Will considered this a moment, then grinned. "Nah. Definitely said I'm her type."

"Oh." Will was collecting his various seminar paraphernalia, me trailing behind him. "How did it come up?"

"It was er ... a bit of a segue. She had been talking about Colin and how she is not in love with him. He's not her type. Apparently I am." Will picked up him briefcase and scratched his head. "So that's that."

Interesting.

Colin had pale blue frosting on his nose. "Really, thanks, you guys -- you didn't have to do this for me. You're great." He looked around happily at the little group of managers crowded in front of the computer room.

Lou cut himself another piece of chocolate birthday cake. "So, how old this year, Colin?" he asked sardonically. "Nineteen did I hear?"

"Well, I've been called twelve," Colin replied, so ingenuously that I had to smile. At that moment, Colin looked over and caught my eye, slowly smiling back.

I bit my lip and looked down.

Oh, what the hell ...

I looked back up at him, raised my eyebrows and smiled.

Colin got the point. Detaching himself from Julie and Lou's teasing, he strode over to me with a grin.

"So ... "

"Hi."

"How've you been?"

"Well, you know ... " I gave up. "Hey, happy birthday buddy."

Colin raised an eyebrow, leaned toward me, and whispered, "So ... I'm back in your good graces again?"

"Well ... you know ... " I trailed off, taking advantage of the proximity to wipe the frosting off his nose.

"Yeah, I know." No, you have no idea ... "I'm sorry Linds. Really."

"It's okay. I ... overreacted."

"Nah. ... Okay, well maybe a little."

"Yeah."

"I don't blame you."

The conversation was feeling horribly stilted. "I --" I began as Colin started to say something.

"Sorry --"

"No, you go."

"Well ... I mean, not that I'm blaming you for being mad or anything, Lindsey, but I wish I knew exactly why you were ... "

I looked around and felt as if a dozen pairs of eyes were riveted on us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lizzy stop with her coat half-unbuttoned, watching us.

"Not here," I whispered back. "Doing anything tonight?"

Was it just me or was there really a shadow of loneliness that crossed his face?

"Nah ... I don't get off work until eight anyway and then ... " he shrugged.

"Didn't you want the night off?"

"Oh ... well, you know Jack coaches soccer so I took his shift for him today." I looked up at him, smiling, and started to say something. "It's just a birthday," he dismissed.

"You've still got to eat," I pointed out.

Colin shot me a look. "So do you."

"Right," I said, sliding my arm through his as we walked toward the busier section of the front-end. "And really, I felt like cooking tonight, but it would be such as waste since even Will isn't home tonight. And even though I'm off work at six-thirty, it's really earlier than I'd want to eat, especially on a Saturday. More like eight, I think ... "

"More like eight ... " Colin echoed "So, hypothetically speaking, if you had someone else to cook for, what would you make?"

"Well, I was thinking of sort of making it up as I went along."

"Yeah, it's fun that way. So ... you'll need help, right?"

I smiled. "Well, you know, I don't really like cutting up stuff that much."

"I'm good at that. Especially the onions. That, my dear, takes skill. One of my many."

"One of your few," I retorted. Colin crossed his arms. "Few marketable."

"No! Hmm ... well. Yeah."

"It's okay."

"Well, let me think. I can ... hey, I can pull weeds." Colin stopped walking and rubbed his knee. "Man, that still hurts."

"Still from weeding your parents' lawn?" I asked skeptically.

"No ... Shem decided my birthday cake should be a surprise, so she insisted i close my eyes while she led me to it. Unfortunately, she led me into a table ... "

I looked him up and down. "You're not that tall."

"It was a small table. A small metal table. It hurt!"

"Poor baby."

"Yeah, I'll cry later. At least with Shem, I knew it was an accident. If it had been Kimmie, on the other hand ... "

"Are you still whining about that?" Julie approached us briskly, holding a strange fruit. (At least I think it's a fruit.) "What's this?"

"Produce."

"Thank you, Lindsey, any idea of a name?"

"Let's see, A produce ... A ... nope. B ... naah, nothing there ... C ... hmm, C ... eh, no. D ... "

"Colin!"

Colin's eyes flew open and he and gazed at our boss innocently. "What, Julie?"

She stared at him in unspeakable exasperation, then gave up. "Nothing. Just ... just go back to your work, both of you." We heard her mutter something indistinct as she turned and stalked away.

"Well, she's a little agitated," Colin observed.

"Ah ... I think it might be my fault ... a little ... " Bing Charleston had come up behind us as we talked.

"Yeah? What's you do this time?"

"Actually, Linds, Bing's usually well behaved ... within reason ... " Colin argued.

"Deleted her file," Bing supplied.

"Ouch." Colin and I winced together.

"By accident! It was an accident!"

"Yeah, Bing, even I didn't think you'd do something that stupid on purpose." Carley had joined us and was eying her brother with half-amused disgust.

"You do stupid things too!" Bing protested. "Like when you dropped the flashlight down the piano, remember that, Lucia?"

Carley glared and stepped on his foot; she hates being called by her given first name.

"Lucia, Luuucia, lovely Luciiiiiiiiiiaaa!!!" sang Lou in an artificially deep bass.

Carley opened her mouth, looking like she would scream if a sound could come out.

"Hey, okay!!! Soooo, just how did you delete Julie's file, Bingles?" Colin interjected swiftly.

Carley closed her mouth with a deep sigh.

"Er. Yeah." Bing blushed. "Well, I was trying to change the screen-saver in the office to say "Bing loves Jen forever" --"

"In pink?" Colin asked with a smirk.

"I -- I'll have you know it was mauve. Anyway ... Julie had her employee performance file open and I meant to save it, but instead ... " Bing's forehead puckered in distress. "Well, it was all very strange ... "

"Could've been partly 'cause Will's programs keep acting up," Colin reassured him.

I scrunched up my nose ruefully and was on the point of agreeing when Lou broke in. "Wait a minute, aren't you all missing the salient point here?" We looked at him expectantly. "You were trying to change my screen-saver? My screen-saver?"

"Because we all know how important it is for employee morale to have "Kingdom and Domain of Lou Minelli" streaming across the computer screen," I said, laughing.

"Yeah!" Lou turned. "Don't you agree, Lucia?"

She shoved her elbow into his stomach, hard, then stalked away without a word. Lou straightened up, utterly stunned. Then he grinned and strolled away, chuckling softly.

"Oh come on Lizzy, it's not that big a deal."

"You're not the one who has to do it," she retorted sourly.

"What's up?" Colin asked, approaching the runners' podium. "Don't tell me you're mad just because you have to be the closing manager, Liz."

She glared at him in silence. I sighed. "That's not it."

"Heh, you're just mad 'cause now I'm the same age as you so you can't use that over me anymore, can you?"

"Of course I still can," Elizabeth said haughtily. "Because I will be twenty-six in January."

Colin recalled this and scrunched up his nose in surrender.

"It is not be stood for!" Lizzy exploded. Colin looked alarmed.

"She's ummmm ... displeased over the image of being here for hours with the person who's the Night Manager today. I keep telling her it's really not that bad ... "

Colin groaned. "Uh-oh. merchandising or --"

"Perishable side. Closer to me. All. Night. Long." Elizabeth snapped. "Until twelve-thirty. Whyyy?" she wailed.

"Well, it could be a bonding experience," said Colin doubtfully.

"I don't want to bond with Carol Ann!" she exclaimed, thrusting her pen at Colin.

He stepped back. "Okay, she probably don't want to bond with you, either. Happy now?"

Lizzy grunted.

"I thought so. Hey, I get to bond with Lindsey over a dinner that doesn't involve bagels or a microwave, but rest assured, I'll be thinking of you." He grinned at her expression. "You know, I'll be thinking, 'I wish Lizzy could be here too.' Well, actually, no, I won't."

"Colin ... " I murmured, before he could do further damage.

He paid me no heed. "I'll be thinking 'Lizzy is so mature and patient and forbearing ... I just know she'll manage to work it out with Carol Ann tonight, 'cause Lizzy's just that kind of person.' I am I right?"

"Shuddup," she muttered into the surface of the podium.

"I thought so. Now, I have to go get that light. Especially since Julie has a husband and young son, and they would be very sad if she spontaneously combusted. As a matter of fact, I would be sad too, as would a number of --"

"You're babbling again," Julie called briskly as she flew by us.

Lizzy looked up at me after Colin had gone. "Dinner tonight with him?" Her eyebrows were raised to a dangerously inquisitive level.

"Cooking. My house. His birthday," I muttered, and fled. There is really no reason I should be blushing like this.

During the short drive from the store to my house, Colin and I talked about trivial matters or nothing at all. During the silences I kept catching him glance my way, and it sent a nervous, high-strung, exhilarated little buzz through me.

"What?" I finally said, fumbling for the keys to the backdoor.

"What do you mean, what?" Colin followed me through the door and closed it behind him.

"I don't know, I just thought ... you seemed ... Well, you just kept looking at me." Suddenly, ridiculously, I felt embarrassed. I turned toward the back door and began fiddling with the dorky little Halloween and Thanksgiving window decals Will insists on putting up every year.

"Yeah?" said Colin quietly.

"I thought maybe you wanted something, or wanted to know something or ... " I trailed off and closed my eyes, feeling the cold through my fingertips on the window and the heat in my cheeks. This was a bad idea. I was trying to think how to back out of the conversation when I moved my head and bumped against Colin's arm. He was leaning over me, hands against the windows above mine.

"Yeah," he whispered, just above my ear. "I was wondering."

I turned around very slowly and looked up at him. I was stuck, literally and figuratively. This was a very bad idea ... . I met his eyes, swallowed, and nodded slowly.

He smiled faintly. "You never told me why you're mad at me ... "

"I already did."

"Not all of it ... I want the other reasons."

"Other reasons?" I whispered.

"What are they? If I don't know, what can I do? I can't do what you want me to unless I know what it is ... and I want to make you happy."

"You do?"

"I do. And I hate it when you're mad at me."

"I ... "

"So ... ?" He smiled charmingly. "Out with it."

He was getting closer and closer and my mind was spinning faster and faster and I couldn't let my eyes leave his for a second. I did nothing but stare into the blue-gray for a long time then smiled enigmatically. "I'm not telling ... "

He raised an eyebrow but his eyes never left mine either. "I see," he said finally. "Shall I have to find out for myself?"

"Yes."

"Can I, do you think?"

"I don't know, but ... "

"Yes?"

"But ... I hope so."

"Really ... "

"Mmmm ... "

Closer, quieter, warmer, faster, dizzier ...

Very bad idea ...

I still wasn't go to look away. Colin's expression was in a slight smile, but it was serious. It was also very ... intense. Colin is never intense.

No. I take that back. Once, twice, sometimes. I've seen it. It ...

He was unquestionably intense now.

I kept staring back. Everything in my mind was spinning around with the center point in two blue eyes, but I wasn't going to look away. I reached my hands around to steady myself against the door.

Colin's eyes grew a millimeter wider, then dropped to the floor. Then he took his hands off the door and slid them over mine. "Hands are cold, Linds," he murmured.

"Yours are colder," I mumbled at his shoulder. The room behind him had righted itself when his eyes had finally left mine. But my mind was still spinning.

"I know." He sounded even closer now.

Very bad idea ... That was too damn late.

This felt too right.

My hands dropped off the door and tightened against his fingers. His thumbs slid over my wrists.

Closer ...

His lips brushed against mine. Almost.

I closed my eyes.

"What the devil is Annie doing here?" Colin exclaimed.

Part 19: Chocolate and the Twilight Zone

Posted on Tuesday, 27 November 2001

Elizabeth

"Open your mouth and close your eyes."

My head shot up. "Not a chance."

Carol Ann smiled at me, but kept her hands behind her back. "Come on, Lizzy, what are you expecting?"

"Poison pill."

"In front of all these people? If I wanted to assassinate you, I wouldn't do it in a public place. Give me a little credit."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation, then closed them. "Fine. But don't think that just 'cause I'm letting you do this I trust you, because -- Mmmm ... "

Chocolate. Dark, velvety chocolate, with a taste of raspberry.

I opened my eyes again. "Where did you get that?"

Carol smiled and revealed a plateful of small chocolate squares. "Patisserie gave 'em to me. Hey," she flicked one with a perfectly shaped crimson nail, "I think that one's got chocolate fudge."

"Really?" I reached for it, then paused. "Er, ah, sure you don't want it?"

"Nah. I think this one's almond." We both chewed in silence a minute. "Pretty slow tonight, huh?"

"Yeah. I've already cut --" I glanced down at my papers, "five people early in the past few hours."

"I haven't got too much to do either." Carol leaned against the cooler next to me.

I was in a quandary. She looked like she was staying around awhile. I didn't really want her to, but then, she had been nice and had given me the chocolate, so I couldn't easily be rude to her. Not to mention that if she left the chocolates would go away too, and that would be very bad.

"Think of it as a peace-offering," said Carol wryly, but without looking at me.

"Huh?"

"C'mon, Lizzy. Enough of this. I'm sorry for how I've treated you before. I'd like to think you might feel the same way."

I blinked. "I -- I ... yeah. I'm sorry about that. Kind of middle-school stuff isn't it, anyway?"

Carol laughed. "Yeah ... I have to admit. I just kept the resentment from high school, but now ... she stopped and looked down at her hands.

I watched her. Her appearance was considerably more ... toned down, I suppose I would call it. I had to admit, she dressed well, especially compared to my somewhat helter-skelter appearance. "Why now, Carol? I wanted to before; I realized how ridiculous it was, but I didn't know how to start. Thank you."

Carol Ann sighed. "Part of it is probably because of Richard." She smiled.

"Did he ask you out?" I grinned.

"Yeah. I wish I had thought of looking for someone like him before. He's just ... "

"A perfect gentleman," I supplied. "Richard's wonderful. He really likes you," I added, and smiled at her blush.

"He's so much more suited for me than the guys I was after before." She shrugged. "I feel more relaxed, more like I can be myself."

I nodded. "Yeah, I wondered what in you had changed."

"But Lizzy, the reason I was so awful to you before -- and why I don't want to be like that anymore -- is Will."

"Will? Will Fitzdarcy?" I almost squeaked. "I ah ... "

Carol turned to me. "He's always had a thing for you. He didn't understand it for a long time, but I think he did see it later. He loves you."

"I ... " I stuttered, feeling my face flame.

"He still loves you," said Carol softly.

"Oh, no, no, 'cause ... no ... I -- really?"

"Really. And I've always seen it, hence what I did to you." I suppose I still looked doubtful, because Carol's arms flew up. "Really!"

Don't ask me to explain my stupid grin. I can't. "He loves me?" Carol nodded patiently. "Huh, how'd I do that?"

Carol laughed. "I don't know, Lizzy, but I wanted to know for a long time."

Suddenly I panicked. "What do I do now???"

Carol shrugged. "He's Will Fitzdarcy. How should I know? You'll just have to go with it as it happens."

It started happening a lot sooner than I thought it would. Around eleven-thirty I turned around to fine myself face to face with Will Fitzdarcy, quite nicely dressed in a business suit.

"Hey, just who I wanted to find."

"Ahhh ... " I was red-faced, speechless, and thrown completely off balance. That wasn't fair! he couldn't come, so soon, with no warning, and catch me off guard like this ... . What am I possibly supposed to say ... ???

I couldn't think of a single witty remark. This is what I do, damnit! I was an embarrassed, stuttering mess. And meanwhile he was so uncharacteristically relaxed and at ease. I turned to the cooler and started arranging the Snapples in straight lines. "What do you want?"

"I need your help."

I jumped. I hadn't know he was that close behind me ... ! "Ye-es ... ?"

He turned me around to face him, an amused look on his face. What? What? What is happening??? It's a damned Twilight Zone.

"I need you to be my other half," he said, still smiling. "Don't look so alarmed; it's strictly voluntary." He looked amused at my expression, whatever it was.

'I ... "

"I need a strong writer for my projects. A journalist."

"Oh." I let my breath out in a rush.

Will either didn't hear or pretended. "And someone I know, can trust. Someone dynamic. So I said to myself, 'Lizzy, who else?' So, what do you say?"

"I ... I have no idea what you're talking about."

Will opened his mouth, then grinned. "A point. See why I need someone like you? Otherwise I just explain things from my point of view, don't think about the audience at all."

"I still --"

"I know. Well, I want to -- hey, you know what? No point in explaining the whole thing now. I couldn't. Why don't you come over later this week ... Thursday evening good?"

I nodded blankly.

"Great." He took a Pepsi out of the cooler and headed for a cash register. "Amazin', Liz!" he called back.

I closed my eyes and stood with my forehead against the wall for a long time.

Part 20: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Posted on Wednesday, 13 February 2002

Lindsey

"A-Annie?"

"Yeah." Colin peered through the Venetian blinds. "That's her car, isn't it?"

I made my way, albeit a bit unsteadily, toward the windows and saw a silver Camry in the driveway. Slowly, the door opened and the driver emerged, looking inexpressibly forlorn. I glanced at Colin.

He was frowning and already halfway out the backdoor. "This can't be good..."

I leaned over a table and took a long slow breath, trying to rearrange my mind, and blessing my cousin for her unexpected arrival. If not for Annie, who knew what extent of lunacy I might have committed. I finally remembered Jack. Right....

I steadied myself and went out to the driveway.

"It's all right. Come in first, talk later. It's okay, Annie. Don't worry." Colin had his hand on her arm and was speaking in the reassuring tones he used for frightened small children and animals. Annie Wesley's face was nearly white, contrasting starkly with her vivid red hair and dark eyes. She looked as forlorn as she had when she first emerged, lonely, scared, distressed, but intensely determined.

"Annie...?" I began doubtfully. She took a breath to say something, but instead broke down and began to cry.

"Lindz." I met Colin's eye and followed it to the trunk of the car. Thankful for our ability to read each other's unspoken communication, I nodded.

"Come on Annie, you'll freeze." I took her hands and drew her toward the house. "Colin's going to bring in your stuff."

"I'm sorry," she squeaked desperately, wiping her eyes.

"What for? I missed you."

"I..."

"How's Columbia?" I asked doubtfully.

Annie blanched and seemed on the verge of tears again. I whisked her into the kitchen, sat her down, and turned on the teakettle. "I'll be right back."

Colin closed the trunk and picked up two suitcases. I took a smaller bag and got the keys from the ignition. "Did she tell you what's wrong?" I asked.

"Something about her mother, law school..." Colin sighed. "Poor kid."

Annie stood up as we entered the kitchen. "I'm sorry. I don't know why -- I -- sorry. This is stupid. I'll go..."

"No, hon." The kettle started to whistle. "Colin, could you --?"

"I know what to do."

"Don't be sorry, Annie. What happened?"

"I'm never going back to Columbia. Never." Through all the misery, Annie looked more determined than I have ever seen her.

Colin set a mug of hot chocolate in front of her. "What happened?"

"I hate law school. I never wanted to be a lawyer. I never wanted to go to Columbia. I never wanted to major in sociology in college. I never wanted to go to Brown, either. But I did, for four years, because Mother wanted me to. And then I started at Columbia, because Mother wanted me to. I went out with that horrible guy, because Mother wanted me to. And --" She took a long drink of hot chocolate.

"I see," said Colin quietly. "It's always been like that, hasn't it?"

Annie's eyes flashed anger, and I was glad to see it. "Yes. I went to horseback riding and ballet, because Mother wanted me to. I joined chorus, even though I couldn't carry a tune to save myself. I played flute, because Mother said I had to, even though I wanted to play trombone, like Will. I learned French instead of Spanish because she said to. I took classes I hated, because Mother wanted me to, and I got an A in every single class." Her expression turned uncharacteristically sardonic. "The model student. And when they got divorced, she wouldn't let me live with Dad, even though I wanted to. She hardly even let me see him when she didn't have to until I got older."

Colin and I looked at each other in silence, not sure what to say. Neither of us has ever gotten along well with my Aunt Camilla, and we've both always liked Colin's Uncle Clarence. He had helped bail out Will and Bing after the Geoff Hollwick disaster, and now runs the company with Uncle Gardiner. Colin put another marshmallow in Annie's mug.

Annie was still pale, but the tears and the apologetic look were gone. "But when she found out about Rachel and Dad..."

"Rachel?" I asked. "My Aunt Rachel?"

Annie nodded slowly. "She's going to marry Dad."

"Really?" I smiled. "I didn't expect that, but that's g--" I stopped, not sure of how Annie had reacted to the news.

Annie looked up from her hot chocolate and smiled shyly. "No, don't worry Lindsey. I'm happy about it. I love Rachel. But when Mother found out about it, she was furious. She said Rachel's a conniving tramp after Dad's money and she said I'm forbidden to go to their wedding." Annie looked at the table and hesitated. "She even insulted your mother, Lindsey. She --"

"My mother?"

Annie looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry. You know my mother..."

Rachel Flemming is my mother's younger sister. She was widowed eighteen years ago, when her husband Anthony was killed in the same car accident as my mother. She's never remarried. At a family party last year, she and Clarence had become quite absorbed in conversation, and I know that they had seen each other since then. Still, I hadn't expected them to come this far, at least not yet.

"Rachel and Clarence," said Colin thoughtfully. "You know, I can see that. But I can see how Cam might not be too pleased, too..."

Annie nodded. "She wasn't... and then I told her I liked Rachel, and she shouldn't talk about her that way, and when they get married I'm going to their wedding, so we had a big fight. That was two weeks ago. Dad's actually planning to have a big party to announce it, so don't tell anyone yet, I guess. But I went back to Columbia, and I still hated it, and resented my mother more and more, and then --"

"Annie," said Colin sharply. "What was that about the horrible guy?"

Annie swallowed. "Marc. His parents are friends with Mother and he goes to NYU, so Mother made me go with him to some party. I didn't really like him when we were introduced, but... well, he was really nice to me and Mother wanted me to like him. But then --" She stopped and shook her head. "I don't really want to talk about it now. Maybe I'll tell you later, but I'm fine."

I glanced at Colin. He was staring at Annie, his jaw tense and the same look in his eyes as when he had faced Geoff Hollwick four years ago. If this Marc character could have seen him, I am sure his only sensible thought would be to run like hell as far as possible from Colin. I relapsed into silence as I thought about this.

"Colin," Annie repeated. "I'm fine." He gave her a long serious look, then tacitly agreed to leave the subject -- for now. She cleared her throat and her chin shot up. Colin stared at her, looking utterly bemused, then his expression cleared and one of his slow, lopsided, wry smiles replaced the puzzled frown. He shot a look at me that was meant to convey some meaning, I am certain, but I had no idea what.

"I have left Colombia," Annie said imperiously, showing a rare resemblance to her mother. "I found a girl to replace me in the apartment I shared and sold her all the stuff I didn't need. Everything else should arrive at Dad's house by UPS in a few days. I will not go back to law school. I will not go back to my mother's house. I will get a job. Eventually, I will go back to college and study something I want to do. I--"

"Annie?" said Colin with a grin.

"Yes?"

"Good."

"What?"

"That's all. Just good. I'm glad."

Annie looked at him doubtfully over the rim of her mug. "Um... okay. Thank you, Colin."

He reached across the table and squeezed her hand, then stood up. "Hungry?"

"I am," I said, pushing back my chair.

"Oh! I didn't interrupt your dinner or --"

"Nope. We hadn't even started to think about what we're making. Any ideas?" Colin glanced back at me.

I was rummaging through the refrigerator. "Hmmm. I think we might have some chicken in here ... yeah." I slid the package across the counter to him.

"It's frozen."

"Then I suggest you get cracking at the stove, hmm?" I slid the vegetable drawer open with my foot and relieved it of about half its contents. Colin opened the package of chicken and unceremoniously dumped it into a skillet.

From the kitchen table, Annie watched our machinations with wonder. "Do you want me to do anything? I can help."

"Nah," Colin and I said together. Colin opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for Annie, to relax her nerves, and one for each of us, to, ah, spur the creative process. I went out to the garden and returned with a handful of assorted herbs. Colin was working his way through chopping all the vegetables and Annie had begun to set the table.

"Hey Linds," Colin asked, peering at the bottle of wine, "this isn't terribly expensive or rare or anything, is it?"

"I don't know, my brother bought it. I wouldn't think so though. Why?"

"Okay, good." Colin added a liberal amount to our stir-fry concoction.

"Do you have a feeling for a slightly alcoholic meal, Colin?" Annie asked, amused.

"The alcohol cooks off and you know it, young lady. The only way it will affect you is -- like this." He refilled her glass, then his own. "Wait a minute -- you are used to this, aren't you? I don't want to make you pass out."

"Colin ... I'm almost twenty-three."

"Right. Just checking."

I took advantage of the exchange to think some more about what had occurred before Annie's arrival. There was nothing special, I told myself. Look at his reaction when Annie mentioned Marc. He may have been angry and defended me to Geoff Hollwick, but he would do the same for his cousin. It was just his chivalrous instinct kicking in.

Nothing special.

His fingers brushed against mine as he took the spoon from my hand. I started involuntarily, and blushed as I met his eyes, then quickly looked away.

Nothing special.

Annie had stopped in the middle of reaching for something and was staring at us thoughtfully. "You two ... are you...?" she stopped.

"What?" Colin asked, turning around.

She shook her head and refolded a napkin, but her forehead was still pucked in perplexity. "Never mind."

He shrugged and picked up a sponge. I knew what Annie had been about to ask, though. I stood in the middle of the kitchen and drew yet another long, slow breath. Colin turned and took a step at the same time, crashing into me. "Eh, sorry about that." A hand on my arm and the other on my waist, just in passing, but still more than needed to steady me. Especially since the effect upon me was anything but steadying. I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind of very bad things.

"Let's kick it up a notch!" Startled, my eyes flew open at Colin's exuberant exclamation.

"How...?" I asked, before it dawned on me he was merely referring to culinary procedure.

He was holding the pepper grinder. "My dad watches the cooking shows. He says that all the time," he said innocently.

"Ah." I bit my lip and nodded. "You know what, I never got the mail." I fled to the front door.

Ridiculous! I had to get control of myself. I waited until the chill of the October wind seeped deep into my skin, then went back inside. If Colin's blue eyes and not-even kiss could send me into this state, but with Jack -- I stopped. Thoughts like these would get me nothing but trouble, and I was going to stop. Now.

I glanced at the portrait of my mother as I passed the library. She looked so much like Will. Miss Laura Georgiana Lindsey would never have been this lost, no matter how charming young Robert Fitzwilliam may have been.

Then again, she did end up marrying him...

Easy, Lindsey Georgiana. Take it slow.

Slow?? What are you thinking, girl? You're not going to do anything at all!

I kicked myself in the ankle -- literally -- for good measure before going back into the kitchen. The continuation of my high school crush on him was one thing. Lusting after him was quite another. And falling in love with him -- well, enough of that, now.

Annie was telling Colin about her future plans when I walked in. "Geophysics?" he laughed.

"What's wrong with that?" she asked indignantly.

"Nothing, it's just a far cry from what your mother wanted, that's all."

"That's true," our cousin acknowledged with a wry smile. "But hey, it's my life," she added stubbornly.

Colin grinned again. "Ah, Annie... Indeed it is. Well, anyway, you mentioned you wanted your old job back at the store, right?"

"Well, if I could..."

"Hell, we can always use more competent people." He grimaced and I sighed in agreement. Why don't you go down and see Julie on Monday? She'd love to have you back, I'm sure. Still asks me how you're doing every so often, did you know that?" He smiled at her and Annie turned faintly pink.

"Really? I didn't think anyone would remember me, I mean..."

"Of course they do," I said. "You're one of the few people who never got into a fight with anyone. Do you have any idea how remarkable that is? Come back for a week and it'll jog your memory."

"Hell, even Bert liked her, and he disapproves of everyone," Colin snorted.

"Has he been calling you irresponsible again, Colin?" I asked sweetly.

"Completely baseless accusation," he retorted, flinging a dripping sponge at me, muttering under his breath. "Insufferable prig..."

"Bert Burg's still there?" Annie asked. "I wonder why, since he seems to dislike it so much."

"Well... at least he knows what he's doing," I allowed. "You've never had to work with his little brother Billy, I don't think --"

"Well, you will," said Colin darkly. "Jeez ... naming your kids Bertram and Billiard. I wonder if they have any sisters! Cueball and Mafalda, maybe?"

Annie snorted into her hot chocolate and was overtaken by a coughing fit for several moments.

Colin continued, "Anyway, Shem misses having a fellow maid-of-all-work around, and Mosylu wishes there was another woman at the desk at night with all the boys, so 'things could get done right for once,' as she says. And trust me, they could use another peacekeeper in the accounting office."

"Yeah, I remember," she laughed.

"Everything'll be fine, Annie," he said, taking a more serious tone.

"I know, but --"

"And you don't have to have pitched warfare with your mother."

"Just relax and stick around with us for awhile," I said. "I know you were thinking of living with your dad, but for one thing, that's a forty minute drive to and from work on a good day. And besides, if you stay with us, it'll be more... neutral. You don't really want to cut yourself off from your mother -- just show her you're independent and make your own decisions. All right?"

"But --"

"Just give it a try?" I implored. "Besides, Clarence is in South Korea for the next two weeks. At least 'til then?"

"Well..." Annie smiled. "If you're sure you want me..."

"Of course."

"Wait -- what about your brother? Are you sure it'll be all right with him?"

"Are you kidding? Will would love to have you."

"Either you stay here or I'm dragging you back to my apartment, Annie," Colin threatened.

"All right! I'll stay."

"Good choice," I advised. "If you had any idea what his apartment looks like..."

"I heard that," Colin retorted, swatting my backside with a dishtowel.

"That's because you were intended to, of course."

"Glad to see some things haven't changed," Annie commented dryly as she stooped to mop up the water Colin had splashed about.

Colin leaned back and put his feet up on the coffee table, crossing his legs at the ankles. His dorky but endearing Mickey Mouse tie was tossed over the back out the couch. "She really seems to have broken out of the passiveness. And let me tell you, I am glad to see it. Don't you agree?"

I nodded. "She's much more confident, I think."

After dinner, we had shooed Annie upstairs to the expansive guest room to unpack and get herself together while we cleaned up the dishes. If the music and scuffling sounds overhead were any indication, she was still getting settled. Colin and I kicked back in the big room off the kitchen we used as a library, study, family room, you name it. Feeling a draft, parted the curtains to the sliding glass patio door and ran my hand before the seams of the window. "I thought Will was going to recaulk this over the summer, but I guess he forgot. Maybe he can still get it in before it starts snowing though."

You could say I lost my faith in science and progress
You could say I lost my belief in the holy Church
You could say I lost my sense of direction
You could say all of this and worse, but

"Just give me the word and I'd be glad to do it," Colin drawled lazily, eyes half closed. "I'm sure my dad's got some hanging around the basement somewhere." I threw a glance out the window at the house next door where the elder Wesleys still lived.

"Don't worry about it ... if I can't press Will into manual labor, I can do it myself."

With a low chuckle, Colin opened one eye, raising the correspondent eyebrow. "Sure you don't want any help with that, kid?"

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

A few months ago I had attempted to repair a wobbly ceiling fan in the kitchen, insisting I could do it myself. Needless to say, such a claim cannot go unpunished by the higher powers, and so it was that I found myself standing on tiptoe on the kitchen table, trying to support the fan with my fingertips, all the screws having fallen out at once. Since I couldn't relinquish my hold on the fan, but could not fix the cursed thing until I retrieved the screws, scattered about the kitchen floor far out of my reach, my only recourse was desperate shrieking. Fortunately, Colin was helping his father with some yard work next door and dashed in to rescue me from my plight. It hardly has to be mentioned that Colin has persisted in teasing me about the incident at every opportunity since. "I think I should be able to handle this," I said defensively.

Some would say I'm a lost man in a lost world
You could say I lost my faith the people on TV
You could say I lost my belief in our politicians
They all seem like game show hosts to me

Colin smirked. "Yes... Annie's starting to show that Fitzdarcy independent streak, isn't she?"

I perched on the edge of an armchair. "Are you implying something?"

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

"Certainly."

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But everytime I close my eyes I see your face

I raised my eyebrows with a questioning smile.

"I wouldn't call it a bad thing by any means," he continued, "only that Annie seems to be turning into a lovely young lady quite as independent and spirited as a particular old friend of mine. She herself had once been quite diffident and timid, but if you had ever asked me, I would have always said not to speak too soon... and I see now I was right. She's made her mistakes, learned her lessons, and weathered more than her share of tumbles... And now, she is gracious, intelligent, rather too pert, impossibly stubborn, quick-witted, thoughtful, sweet... and thank heavens, never, ever, ever pretentious."

I stared at him as he contemplated his wine, then took another sip I might not have as much of his affection as I desired, but I could not have asked for any more of his regard. He looked up again. "So I know Annie's going to be fine."

I never saw no miracle of science
That didn't go from a blessing to a curse
I never saw no military solution
That didn't didn't always end up as something worse, but

"You helped me," I said finally.

"I always knew you had it in you. And if I helped coax the spirit out sooner, then I'm glad. You have the stuff in you..." he stopped, shaking his head, and smiled. "More simply, maybe. You're one of the finer things in life."

With that, he stood up and walked towards the kitchen, leaving me speechless. "And never forget that I appreciate it."

Let me say this first
If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

I sat in stunned silence until I saw him pick up his coat. "Stay."

He turned around and found me suddenly next to him. "Are you propositioning me, Miss Fitzdarcy?" he teased gently.

Yes!

No, no, no. "It's late... and well, all that wine. Come on, it wouldn't be the first time you've crashed on our couch." I managed to force a small smile.

If I ever lose my faith
If I ever lose my faith
If I ever lose my faith in you...

Colin took off his coat again. "Since you insist..."

The man sitting at the kitchen table munching down Cheerios when I came downstairs the next morning was neither my brother nor Colin. Bing Charleston greeted me cheerfully as I poured a cup of coffee.

"What are you doing here?"

He snorted. "Because I always get such a warm welcome, of course. Well... that and Will and I have a meeting with some people who want us to do some IT work for them."

"You too?" I asked curiously.

"Yep." Bing looked supremely pleased with himself. "Big project... and that means big bucks."

"You two aren't thinking of going back into business together again... officially?"

"We are indeed." Bing gulped down half a glass of orange juice in one go. "And Lizzy's gonna be in on it too ... if we can convince her."

"Lizzy? Lizzy, Elizabeth?"

Bing chuckled and attacked a muffin.

"Benedict?"

"Yes, yes, the same Lizzy we all know and love. And believe it or not, Will thinks he has good reason to believe she'll agree to join us."

While I tried to think of what I could say that would do justice to this remarkable statement, Bing leaned forward with a smirk. "Colin dashed out of here about ten minutes ago. So he crashed here again?"

"We were drinking all night and it was pretty late, so I thought he should stay. Our cousin Annie dropped in yesterday... it was a bit of a surprise."

He nodded. "Yep, Colin told me before he left. I always liked her, you know." He tilted back his chair and eyed me. "But if you ask me, what's really the surprise is that Colin ended up merely on the couch..."

"Bing!" I exclaimed, blushing furiously. "Really..."

He shrugged. "You can deny it all you want, but I know what I'm seeing..."

"Bing, what are you trying to say --"

"It's too early to be arguing," my brother's voice boomed, preceding him into the kitchen. "And between you two, of all people," he shook him head. He was shortly followed by a rather embarrassed looking Annie. Will bent down and kissed her cheek, murmuring "I'm glad you're here."

"You want to go into business with Lizzy?" I asked. "Are you going to work through the company again too? Gard and Clarence want you back."

Will frowned at Bing. "Nothing's settled ... in fact, we haven't even asked Lizzy yet. I don't want to speculate ... and I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself."

"I know," I said quickly, hugging him. "Good luck at the meeting today."

My brother nodded, taking a quick swig of coffee from my cup. "That I'm not worried about ... but I'm afraid what happens next is up to Lizzy."

"If I Ever Lose my Faith in You" -- Sting

Part 21: Meet my Family...

Posted on Tuesday, 19 March 2002

"Were you able to find someone else to tutor for you Thursday night?" Jen asked as she poured the coffee.

Kristen nodded. "Yeah ... I'll be there."

"Be where?" I asked. "What's Thursday?"

Jen looked at me strangely. "Dinner at Mom and Dad's. Don't you remember?"

I gasped in recollection and swore through my teeth.

"You forgot." Kristy smirked. "No, wait, you didn't forget. You temporarily misremembered." Jen looked confused. Kristy took it upon herself to elaborate, much to my chagrin. "Lizzy never gets lost, either, you see. She gets temporarily misplaced."

"Kris ... who told you about that? Colin?"

"Nope, Will."

"He did? That little--! Well, he didn't tell you it was because he forgot the map, did he?"

"Yep." Kristen leaned across the kitchen counter, grinning wickedly. "He told me everything, Lizzy."

Jen shot me a sly look over her coffee cup. "Indeed? And just what was that, Lizzy? You two seemed to be gone an awfully long time if I remember rightly."

"That's because we got lost. Then Will had to stop at home to change his shirt."

"What?" Jen and Kristen exchanged looks.

"He was standing outside in the rain. And he still had to go back to work ... which is exactly where I'm going now." I grabbed my coat and bag and made a hasty escape, leaving my two giggling sisters to speculate.

I couldn't skip out of dinner, but what about my meeting with Will? This dinner was going to cause two rather sticky dilemmas.

I was still pondering the situation a few hours later. "Monday, Monday..." a voice behind me sang. I didn't even bother to turn around.

"Morning, blue eyes."

"Hey Lizzy, what's up?"

"Nothin'."

"Then how come you've got that look on your face? It can't just be 'cause the weekend's over. Besides, we don't even have regular weekends, anyway."

"What look?"

"The desperate look --"

"I don't look desperate," I argued. "I don't think..."

"Well ... last time I saw it, you were stuck between Billy Burg and a dead fish," Colin explained. "Literally."

I recalled the incident last spring and shrugged it off. "I forgot I'm supposed to go to dinner at my parents' house Thursday," I muttered.

He shrugged. "So? If you've got to work late that night I'm sure you can find someone to switch shifts with you. I would, but I'm here 'til eight which won't do you much good."

"No, that's not it, but thanks." I groaned. "I'm just waiting for Mom to call me to see if I'm bringing anyone so she 'knows how many places to set' which really means 'so I have time to invite someone for you.' Jen's bringing Bing of course, and Kristy's bringing one of the guys she's tutoring in statistics. So I --"

"I'll go!" Colin volunteered enthusiastically. He has a bizarre affection for my family -- well, most members, at least. He has no patience for Lynda, and Myra has a tendency to snap (or throw things) at him. However, he adores my mom (especially when she plies him with baked goods) and gets a kick out of Dad's cynical humor. He holds Jen as the epitome of womanly perfection (then again, doesn't every guy), and it seems like he sees Kristy as another little sister, despite the recent flirtation fiasco. Even our three dogs view Colin as sort of an honorary family member.

"No. Mom thinks I've got a thing for you, remember? So if I take you --"

"No," he interrupted. "Then we can prove we're just friends, right? So, what's she making for dinner?"

"It doesn't matter, you're not coming. You know how my mom thinks, Colin. Plus, Kristy will be there, so..."

"Er ... sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Actually though ... there's another problem. Nothing to do with you."

"Can it be? Something that isn't my fault?"

I ignored the sarcasm. "I'm s'posedameetWill'nThursd'night."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Mind saying that again?"

"I told Will I would meet Thursday night," I muttered, but more distinctly.

Colin smirked at leaned back against the wall, arms folded. "Yeah, that's what I thought you said," he laughed. "And may I ask --"

"No leaning!" Julie scolded, rushing past us.

"Strictly business," I said firmly as Colin assumed quasi-military posture.

"Uh-huh, what kind of business?" Colin asked, slouching again now that Julie was out of sight.

I was about to explain, but saw the glint of innuendo in his eye and decided it wasn't worth it. Rolling my eyes, I shrugged and went over to help a cashier.

He followed me. "I see, so you're thinking of inviting him, right?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Well, why not? Lynda and Myra are by far the worst of it, and he already knows them anyway."

"But my mother..."

"Oh come on Lizzy, she's such a sweetheart. And she can cook!"

"But ... she'll start hinting ... or maybe she'll think we're already together ... and..."

Colin smirked. "So? He'll probably like that."

I glared at him.

"Damn! Overshot," I muttered to myself as I bent to retrieve the Reynolds Wrap I had tried to toss into the farthest reshop bin. The automatic door of the employee entrance swung open when I moved closer. I straightened up, then sniffed the air. Grumbling, I marched outside.

"All right, who's been smoking?" I demanded. Then glancing to my left, I discovered the culprits skulking against the wall of the building. Espying the yellow nametags indicating minors, my mood soured considerably. "Great, it looks bad enough for employees to be smoking in front of the store, but underage teenagers at that. Nice." I crossed my arms. "I realize you were otherwise engaged, but I still thought you might have realized that all that in front of you is our parking lot, which at the moment happens to be reasonably well packed. And so it follows that customers -- right now quite a lot of them -- have no choice but to walk in this direction, facing this way. I'm sure I don't have to remind any of you, but that means you're the first impression they're getting of us. Lovely, huh?"

"It's not illegal for us to smoke," one of them said sulkily. "And we're on break. You can't do anything about it."

"Oh yeah? It's against store rules to be hanging out here smoking. That's why we've got the smoking room upstairs. And it is illegal for you to buy cigarettes ... but as long as you didn't get them here, you're right, there is really nothing I can do about that." I shooed the group inside, a few of them muttering things I chose to ignore. "And I hope I don't have to remind you all that anyone who's been selling tobacco to minors will catch hell when we find out. When, not if."

I went back outside to sweep up the cigarette butts. I heard a snort, then a stream of cigarette smoke blew toward me. The sinking realization hit me before I even turned around. No...

My youngest sister sat on the wall overlooking the stairs that led to the street, coolly smoking a cigarette. "Lynda ... these rules apply to you as well, you know." I walked over to her.

She shrugged and flicked the glowing ash off her cigarette. It landed just in front of my shoe. "I'm nineteen. What, are you going to tell me these things will kill me? I've heard it all before, Lizzy."

"I know, you don't care. I was talking about the rules, Lyd. If you want to smoke, go upstairs."

"Same old Lizzy. Always follows the rules, always a good girl. The straight and narrow." She still sat there smoking. "Is it some kind of power trip for you, being manager? I've always wondered why you'd want to -- I mean, I could understand if you just stood there, like some, but you actually work hard. So maybe it's 'cause you get off bossing around a bunch of school kids."

"Lynda, can we please have this discussion later? Jack's on lunch and I have to get back before they're swamped."

"What, worried you're gonna get in trouble because of me? Oh no, maybe Bert and Colin will just have to walk a little faster, ooh, maybe they're even going to have to make someone wait because you're gone two minutes. Get a life, will you? I can't believe you even care; you're still getting paid the same. You're so good, Lizzy. It makes me sick. You're even worse than Kristen and almost as bad as Jen. I mean, you're nowhere near perfect and I know you don't always do what you're supposed to. You've never been really bad though. Lord, how can you ever have any fun?"

I replied only to what was pertinent to the situation. "It's my job. It affects the appearance of the store. C'mon, Lyd, you know it looks like -- ah ... it looks bad. I can't ignore it ... even for you." I pressed my fingers together, trying to keep my temper and my patience. "Besides, isn't your lunch over already? Bert's been looking for you for almost twenty minutes. It's getting pretty busy and you don't want to get him pissed."

Rolling her eyes, she stood up and tossed her cigarette over the wall to the sidewalk below. "Thank you," I said as graciously as possible. I wanted to tell Lynda her attitude was lousy but that would have to wait. "And please refrain from doing this is the future."

"And if I don't?"

"You will face the consequences."

"What'll you do, Lizzy?"

Something in her smirk made my blood run cold. "The same as I would with anyone. You can consider this your verbal warning. Next time will be written, and after that, suspension."

Lynda pulled a lipstick out of her purse and turned toward the store window to apply it. When she finished, she turned back to me. "You wouldn't dare."

I forced the bile back down my throat, trying to stifle my temper and my growing fear of what my sister's increasingly headstrong and reckless ways might bring. Meeting her light brown eyes as steadily as possible, I forced myself to disregard the smug curve of her smile. "If you continue this kind of insubordination, Lynda, I shall have no other recourse. Yes, I would dare. And don't think that I'll go easy on you because you're my sister. On the contrary -- and I hate to threaten this, but I'm afraid that if you run up against me, you'll find I'm even more strict."

She snorted again. I had another suspicion on my mind. If I didn't ask, I wouldn't have to deal with it ... oh, stop shirking, Lizzy. You can face this. I stopped her at the door. "Lynda ... are you retailing cigs to those kids?"

"I need some extra cash," she replied dismissively. "If I buy them cheap by the carton at the gas station I CAN MAKE ABOUT TWO BUCKS A PACK. So what?"

I finally exploded. "So what? For one, that is illegal. And don't say they won't arrest you for that -- they will. You know how tough this state is about that -- well, you should know, anyway. And do you want to lose your job? Try explaining that to a potential employer -- 'I got busted for running a cigarette racket, profiteering from sixteen-year-olds' nicotine habit --'"

"Oh geez, Lizzy, you make it sound like I'm a drug dealer."

"Don't interrupt me, young lady. Who the hell do you think you are, saying you need some extra cash? You live at home still mooching off Mom and Dad. Yes, I am aware that you have your expenses -- movies, makeup, and McDonald's -- but you know what? I've got rent, utilities, groceries, college loans, grad school, car expenses, insurance, and a decent wardrobe to pay for. Sometimes I think I could use a little extra cash too, but -- Oh! Don't you dare try that excuse with me again!"

By now I was practically shouting. Colin poked his head out the door. "Is everything okay out here ... Lizzy?"

I opened my mouth but instead just took a big breath. Lynda took advantage of the distraction to dart back inside. Colin put his hands on my shoulders, letting me recover my composure. I closed my eyes, surprised to find them pricking with tears of frustration. "What am I going to do with her..."

"Shh ... it's okay, Lizzy." He held open the door for me, then followed me back inside. "Not your problem."

But it is...

I picked up the phone. I put it down again.

I picked it up. I dialed three numbers.

I put it down again.

I kicked myself.

I picked up the phone. I dialed all seven numbers. I heard a ring. I slammed the receiver down again.

I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I glared at myself. I walked out, picked up the phone, pressed redial. I tucked the receiver under my chin while I sat on my hands and whistled loudly.

"Hello?" queried a deep, amused voice.

I jumped and the phone crashed to the floor. "Uh, hello? Ah, Will, this is Lizzy."

"I thought so. Was that 'Seventy-Six Trombones'?"

"Huh? Oh. Er, yeah."

"I'm flattered."

I frowned in confusion, then remembered Will played the trombone in high school. Ugh ... Jen the psych major is not finding out about this. "Um ... anyway, I called about our meeting on Thursday. See ... I'm supposed to go to my parents' house for dinner that night, completely forgot about it. So..."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "We could resched--"

"Would you like to come?" I interrupted.

"Excuse me?"

"To dinner. With us. Then we could go back your house ... or mine. I mean to talk. About our business ... talk." I cringed and looked at the ceiling in despair.

"Sure," said Will. "It would be my pleasure. I thought you were going to cancel on me. What time should I pick you up?"

"I'll pick you up," I said, finally recovering my wits. "About 5:30."

I hung up and banged my head against the wall.

Lizzy! Blithering idiot!

"This one?" I asked. "Or this?"

Sitting on my bed, Jen shook her head. "Either would be fine, Lizzy. Or anything you've already picked out."

I darted back into my closet. "Or this?" I held up a red shirtdress.

Jen threw up her hands. "Yes. Wear that, Lizzy."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! You're going to be late."

I hurriedly slipped into the dress and a pair of black slingbacks, added a gold necklace and earrings, and managed to semi-tame my hair by pulling the sides back into a barrette. I dashed into the hall after Jen. "Okay?" I asked.

"Lovely." she said. "Are you sure you've got time to get the flowers? Bing and I can stop after he picks me up, if you want."

"I'll get 'em. Okay. I'm set." I smoothed my skirt, tipped up my chin, and prepared a graceful exit from the apartment. "Damn! Jen, where's my keys?"

Colin cornered me as I waited in line to pay for my carnation arrangement. "Very nice." He nodded in approval.

"Uh-huh," I said, thinking he meant the flowers, until I saw him give me another appreciative once-over.

"Relax, Liz. It's just your family and a quiet little dinner. And then you two can get on to your ... business." Chuckling, he started to go.

"Wait!" I caught him by the tie. "Colin..."

"Yes?" he prompted.

"Carol Ann..."

"Don't worry about her."

"No, I know ... it's different now. She said -- well..."

"Liz." Colin nudged me gently. The cashier, one of Lynda's friends, had already rung up my flowers and was giving me a look of bored disgust.

"Oh. Sorry." I fumbled with my purse and handed her a bill. Rolling her eyes, the cashier gave me the change.

"You left these at the register," Colin said as he walked with me towards the door.

I took the bunch of flowers. "Thanks."

"So, what happened?"

"She said ... he loves me?" I looked for an answer in Colin's face.

He frowned.

"I mean ... she's been really nice to me lately. She's going out with Richard Prescott, you know." Colin was still frowning. "She gave me chocolate..."

He stopped and shook his head. "I don't trust it," he said slowly.

"Colin!"

He looked down at me thoughtfully. "You want him to be in love with you?"

"Yes. Well, no ... well, I mean not no, but not yes ... but not indifferent. I mean, it doesn't not matter, but..."

"But you just don't know, right?"

"Well..."

"Look, Lizzy, just be careful and take it slow. This Carol Ann thing is just too weird. Seriously, I can't understand it. She said he loved you? It's bizarre. I mean, I wouldn't even say that." I suppose I must have looked rather crestfallen, because then he added "He's ... fascinated. Yes, that's what I would call it. He's used to getting women easy, and you sure haven't been. He likes the change ... and the chase. The challenge."

I suppose I must be disappointed, for I shot back sarcastically -- "Three alliterations does not a poet make, Wordsworth" -- but I can't imagine why. I thought about how casual he had been last week when he first asked me about his business proposition, and then again of the phone Monday.

Colin bent down and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "Good luck."

"Thanks for coming," I said as Will got into my car. "Sorry about the change of plans..."

"No, no, my pleasure. I hope your mother doesn't mind another person?"

"Hardly," I said, recalling my mother's ecstasy. "She was quite delighted. Fresh meat." Will glanced at me. "I mean," I corrected, blushing, "Mom is very hospitable. She's never had you over for dinner, so she's excited. You're uninitiated." Another look. "To her cooking," I stammered lamely.

Yikes! When has it ever taken this long to drive through a few neighborhoods? It isn't exactly that innuendo-riddled conversation is foreign to me; in my way, I suppose I'm nearly as fond of flirting as even Colin. The difference is usually it's intentional. And right now it is so very much not. This was so ridiculous; with the opposite sex, I was so accustomed to being completely calm, cool, and collected ... and in control. Now, I couldn't shake the feeling of everything spinning out of my grasp. My confrontation with Lynda, curse her, must have shaken me more than I thought, I concluded finally. After all, this was just Will ... so what the hell had happened in the last few weeks? I decided to change the subject before I embarrassed myself further. "What's that?" I indicated a small box in his lap.

He shrugged. "Oh, well, I know Bing always brings flowers and I see so have you, so I picked up some chocolate rather than turning your parents' living room into a greenhouse. A family friend has a shop down in Bushnell's Basin. It's really quite good."

"Oh." Near the edge of the county, it wasn't a terribly long drive to the Basin, but it was a rather considerable trek just for a box of candy. "That was very thoughtful of you."

"Really, it was nothing," he replied. "Besides, my sister and cousin are being very nice to me since I brought them some pecan turtles."

"That's right, Lindsey did tell me your cousin is back. How is she?" While this was a safe diversion, I was also genuinely interested; Annie Wesley was such a sweet girl, if a little shy.

"Annie? Well ... relieved might sum it up best. I guess she had been unhappy with school for a long time. I've got to say, I could never really see her as a lawyer. She's going to come back to work for a while then go back to school, probably locally, she thinks. She wants to play with rocks," he said, smiling.

"Right, Annie was always good at science. I remember those great models and diagrams she did of High Falls and Letchworth Gorge when she was in Earth Science. Your sister did tell me she was considering geophysics. I can't think of anything more perfect for her." I pulled into my parents' driveway -- finally.

No. No no no no no. It couldn't be. But it was impossible to mistake. Already parked was my Uncle Phil's bright yellow Jetta. I turned to Will. "Well then. I guess you're going to meet more of my family than I expected."

My mother greeted us at the door, trying to let us in without letting the dog out. After some maneuvering, we managed to get the door closed behind us. Mom drew me aside as our huge Irish Setter hurled herself on Will. "He's very handsome, my dear," she whispered, to which I made a noncommittal noise. Then she called "Down, Auddie! No jump! Ah ... good girl. Come here, that's a good girl."

"Will, this is my mother, as you may have gathered. Mom, Willis Fitzdarcy. He's Lindsey's brother. And er. ... Will, this is Audit."

He raised his eyebrows and smiled politely. "My husband teaches accounting and business management courses. To him, the name was logical," my mother explained with a sigh. "Pete's best friend, a lawyer, has Auddie's brother -- Justice."

The clattering of paws on the wood floor preceded our two other dogs careening into the front hall. "Hey buddy, how ya been?" I scratched Darrowby, a beagle, behind his ears. Electra sniffed Will's shoes, then licked them, which he accepted with good grace.

"Hello," he said to the dog, bending down. "What is she?" he asked my mother.

"Ah, Electra. We're not sure -- got her from the shelter. We think part Border Collie, part terrier ... maybe a bit of something else." The doorbell rang.

The minute my mother opened the door for Kristen and her friend Steve, the two smaller dogs shot outside with delighted woofs. I managed to hang on to Audit, but she seems uninterested in venturing out into the cold air anyway. Somewhat to my surprise, Will joined Steve in chasing the dogs down the street and coaxing them back home.

Well, I thought idly as I hung up the coats, at least he's fulfilled my first criteria. He's nice to our dogs.

My mother beamed at the two men when they returned with our errant pets, and was profuse with her thanks and apologies. Will knelt down to rub Electra's stomach. "This little girl reminds me of the dog I had when I was a kid. She was a mutt too, along the terrier - Border collie lines, we thought. Maisie was such a sweetheart ... but we had to put her to sleep."

"Oh dear," said my mother, very distressed. "When I was a girl we had to do that when our Lab was hit by a car. I'll never forget that day."

Will smiled at her sadly. "Nor will I. Maisie wasn't hit, she had cancer. I was fourteen and my sister was only ten. I went with my dad to the vet, and Lindsey climbed up a tree in the backyard and stayed there all day long, crying."

Mom sat down next to him on the stairs. "When Lynda's gerbil Ernie died it was very sad, of course, but somehow it's so much worse when it's a dog. They're almost like people to me, in a way."

A rare flash of genuine appreciation sprang into his eyes. "With that, I must agree. I find them even easier than people, however. Dogs never demand clever conversation or insincere flattery, and clichéd as it is, they really are terribly loyal --"

The sound of a buzzer interrupted him, as my mother jumped to her feet. "Oh dear. The pies," she murmured, rushing off to the kitchen.

The rest of us shuffled into the living room. "Don't worry Abbie, I already got it," my father called, emerging from the kitchen. He turned and saw me. "Lizzy!" I hugged him, then introduced him to Will.

"Elizabeth!" Mom called from the kitchen. "I need your help!" I had no choice but to leave Will to fend for himself.

"You look very pretty, dear. Is he something special?" Mom looked at me hopefully as I closed the kitchen door behind me.

"No," I said firmly. "We're hardly even friends. Just work together, and he's Lindsey's brother and Bing's best friend."

"And Colin's," she added, with a smile.

"Mom..."

"All right dear, if that's what you say, I believe you."

I sighed. "What did you need help with, Mom?"

"Well ... really I just wanted to talk to you," she said, genuine innocence in the gray eyes only Jen had inherited. The rest of us have some sort of brown, from Dad. "You haven't seen anyone seriously for so long, Lizzy."

I groaned. My mother is devastatingly maternal. In her deep blue and white dress, with her brown hair tucked behind her ears neatly and her wide-eyed, kind face, she resembled the Madonna even more than usual. "Do we have to talk about it, Mommy?"

"Oh, Lizzy," she sighed. "All right. Did you see Jen yet? She's wearing that new ivory dress and looks so beautiful. She and Bing make such a good couple, I think. He's a very nice young man, isn't he?"

I agreed, then the sound of a guffaw made me remember what I had forgotten while ruminating about Will and the family dogs. "Mom," I said edgily, "why didn't you tell me Uncle Phil and Tina were coming tonight?"

She frowned. "I didn't really know they were, Lizzy, until yesterday. Well, you know Phil, he --"

"Invited himself over," I finished.

"Well really, Elizabeth, he's my brother. Of course he's welcome." But she looked doubtful.

"Oh God, what a spectacle," I muttered, slumping against the counter.

"Now Lizzy, that isn't very nice," my mother reproved me.

"Them and Lynda and Myra..."

My mother fixed me with a look. "So you are very concerned about what this young man thinks!" she exclaimed triumphantly, and sailed out of the kitchen before I could protest.

In the living room, Will was conversing with my father and Bing. Nearby, Kristy, Steve and Jen held a lively discussion. They tried to draw Myra in, but she seemed to prefer sulking in the corner. On the other side of the room, Lynda giggled and chattered with Tina, Uncle Phil's much younger trophy wife. Oh well. At least she's not sitting on Phil's lap...

Instead, he seemed to be hovering around the first group. Every time he tried to interject himself in the conversation, my father would reply with a cool dismissal.

I winced. I can't blame my dad for disliking Phil so much, but I wished he could be a little more gracious ... especially in company. Bing looked a bit befuddled by my father's rudeness to his brother-in-law. Will, on the other hand, clearly understood what my father was about and looked like he was trying to sum up Phil himself. Every reply he made to my uncle was polite, but terse to the extreme.

It isn't that Mom's younger brother is a drug dealer or child molester or spousal abuser or anything horrendous, but he's just so ... sleazy. Yep, that's definitely the word that fits best. I think that impression was sealed when he took Kristy and me to a program at the art museum. Phil tried to pass me off as ten to get the four-dollar discount, although I was just shy of my thirteenth birthday. After unsuccessfully trying to keep my protestations from the ears of the already dubious ticket taker, Phil lost his temper and provoked an altercation with the young man, and we were thrown out the museum. To top things off, my crush of three months, Jimmy Taylor, was standing two people behind us in line. I have never forgiven Phil for the embarrassment of that day.

Moving closer to the last group, I realized my first impression hadn't been quite right. I wouldn't quite call it "conversing" when Will averaged one word to my father's five and Bing's twenty. (I still refuse to include Uncle Phil in the discussion.) I joined Jen's group for a minute so I could keep an inconspicuous eye on what Will was up to.

I followed his eyes to Tina and Lynda, then strained my ears to make out their conversation. A few moments of eavesdropping told me that Tina was giving my youngest sister "dating" tips. Will looked, at best, disapproving, and at worst, shocked. Fantastic.....

I debated whether to join Dad, Bing, and Will, but my mother made the decision unnecessary by calling me to help her set out the dinner. And a dinner indeed it was; I had already glanced at the menu my mother posted on the refrigerator door: French, banana-pecan, and cranberry-orange-walnut breads, seafood soup, and salad to start; then roast beef, fresh green beans, rice pilaf, roasted new potatoes, and tomato slices as the main course; for dessert, key lime and apple pies with vanilla ice cream and mixed berries, and a cookie platter. Way to go, Mommy, I thought, as she called me into the kitchen again.

"You're gonna make someone explode, Mom," I said. "Wonder who it'll be this time?"

She handed me the tureen of soup with a humorous smile. "I'm thinking it's likely to be Jen's Bing. Very skinny -- I don't think there's anywhere for all that food to go."

"You'd be surprised," I warned. "Bing can pack it away almost as shockingly as Colin, and you know how skinny he is."

"Ah, speaking of him..." Mom pulled a tin down from a cupboard shelf. "Could you give these to him, please? He came into the store just last week looking for a present for his aunt, and I promised him some cookies."

"Really Mom, you spoil him more than your own daughters!"

"Of course. I didn't have to raise him," she chuckled, assembling the bread into neat rows on a platter, flanked by butter, margarine, and honey. "Really though, it's your father. He loves you all very much, and you know you're his favorite, but I think he misses having a son..."

She paused, some of the light leaving her face. I was silent. When I was about nine, Mom was expecting a boy. She miscarried six months into the pregnancy. My parents never had any more children after that; Lydia, born two years before, was the last.

Mom smiled again, as if to reassure me she was all right. Different as we are in most ways, I've found many things to admire in my mother. Life is so much easier now that we don't fight. Ages twelve to twenty-two, the less Mom and I were together the fonder of each other we were. Some how we managed to work things out. She's more tolerant of my eccentric notions, irreverent humor, and restless ways. I've become more patient and accommodating, and stopped flaunting my disregard of her wishes merely for the sake of being contrary. Maybe it's just maturity on my part, forbearance on hers, and a check on the stubbornness and tempers of us both. As I said, my mother and I are different in most ways ... but not all.

She gestured for me to follow her into the dining room with the soup. "All right, Lizzy, I'll make you a deal," she called over her shoulder. "When Jen and Bing give me grandchildren, I promise I'll spoil them more than Colin."

If we had been alone, I might have laughed. Instead, I was frozen with horror. I stopped short, causing the soup to slop over the edge of the tureen. Finally, I dared to look up. Bing, obviously pretending not to have heard, had his back to us, looking out the window. His ears were scarlet. Jen was leaning over the table lighting the candles, but I was sure her flush was caused by more than the flames.

And standing directly in front of me, tall and forbidding, was Will Fitzdarcy. I searched his face; his expression was set and unreadable. Swallowing, I took a step back, eyes locked with his. "Sorry." I glanced down. "Oh no. Sorry about your shoes." I set the soup down on the sideboard and fled to the kitchen. When I returned with a damp paper towel, Electra was licking the soup off the shoes. Will, oblivious to the terrier, stood as if rooted to the spot. Finding no words to improve the situation, I knelt down to attend to his shoes.

He took a step back. "Don't bother." He knelt and took the towel from me and I stood up, fighting back an insistent urge to swear. My mother, pouring the wine, was happily oblivious to the commotion she had caused. Then, just as I thought we might transition back to normalcy --

"Abigail! Have you got the nursery furniture picked out already? You know kids today, they'll be taking their sweet time." Uncle Phil sauntered in, then punched Bing in the arm and winked. "With some things, that is -- am I right?"

Bing looked mortified and knocked over a vase of chrysanthemums. My mother flushed. "Now really, Phil, you know it was just a joke."

"Sure, sis, but I bet you're getting damn eager for Jen to marry, eh? Especially after that little caper she pulled last January, eh?"

"Phillip Wayne Johanssen! If you persist in speaking of any of my children in this way, you are not welcome in this house." My mother's eyes flashed chillingly; her lips were set in a hard, thin line. With one look, any of us could have sensed long ago to just get out of the way. Her brother, who had known her twice as long as even my father had, continued without a qualm.

"Harold Randolph Dearborn the Third," he minced. Horrified, I threw a look at Jen. She was concentrating determinately on the candles, but her face had drained of color except for two hectic spots high on her cheeks which deepened as Phil went on: "Sure threw us all for loop there, Jenny! And three weeks before the wedding, whew. So his 2.3 million just wasn't enough?"

My mother flew in before Jen could reply. "You know it had nothing to do with the money. He was a nice enough young man, but Harold just wasn't good enough for my Jen."

Phil smirked. "Eh, you sure seemed to like him at the time, Abby."

My mother pushed her hair back from her forehead and frowned. "He seemed very charming and everything ... but really there isn't much to him. It's Jen's decision, and I'll thank you to leave that to her. This was nearly two years ago, Phillip. Must we still discuss it? All that matters is that Jen doesn't regret her decision, and she doesn't, do you dear?"

"No," said my older sister quietly, and left the room.

I felt wretched letting the scene escalate as I stood by, but when Mom is fighting with Uncle Phil, there is nothing anyone can do to improve the situation. Indeed, I had good reason to fear my intervention would only make things worse. I glanced helplessly at Bing, who was still standing by the window. He faced away from us, but his shoulders were tense and his fingers gripped the windowsill tightly. Now the entire back of his neck was brick red. Two years ago, my sister had been engaged to Harold Dearborn, state legislator, and the oldest son of a local wealthy businessman and a pedigreed socialite. Then at the last minute, Jen had called off the wedding, for reasons not even I knew in full.

Phil slouched against the table. "She never did tell us why, you know. Don't suppose she found him with another woman, do you? Hey, I heard Elliot Bath-Waters' oldest girl is marrying him. Irene, is it? You don't think she--"

"I ask you to stop speculating right now, Phillip. This has gone on too long already and is highly disrespectful to my daughter."

"Well geeze, Abby, I'm sorry, but you were sure happy enough to talk about him when they were engaged."

Phil's customary bluster and my mother's shrill fury had begun to attract the others still in the living room. Unfortunately, Lynda arrived first. "Hey, are you talking about that guy Jen was supposed to marry?"

"Lynda, shush," I hissed.

"I can't see why she didn't," my youngest sister went on, ignoring me with a flippant smile and addressing the entire room. "I mean, I bet Harry could have gotten me out of speeding tickets, don't you think? So he was kind of boring, but Lord, he was so rich! Jen should have married him -- Oh, sorry, Bing."

But Bing had already strode out of the room, nearly tripping over Will in his haste. Will... I had forgotten about him. He was still crouched on the floor, bending over his shoes, so expression was unreadable. I wasn't sure I would have wanted to read it if I could.

"That Harold guy?" said Tina. "He was even kinda cute, in a wimpy way, if you know what I mean."

"Lynda, please do not be so thoughtless," Mom snapped.

My sister shrugged. "Who cares? Bing already left. Besides, I'm sure he knows."

"That isn't the point. You must learn to control your impulses, young lady. You can be quite rude and it is unseemly in a girl of your age -- a young lady."

"Yeah, why?" Lynda retorted. "You just had a huge fight with Uncle Phil in front of company!"

"No, it wasn't a fight." Phil made light of the situation. My mother's lips tightened in displeasure. "You know, my big sister still likes to tell me what to do."

"That might be because you still need to be told," my father remarked dryly, coming into the room. I wondered how much of the argument he had heard. Steve and Kristy followed him, their uncomfortable expressions telling me they had caught at least a bit.

A deadly silence ensued. Finally, Steve asked jokingly, "So ... did we miss a big show?"

"Just stick around here a bit and you'll find more excitement than you asked for, Steven," Dad replied, still glaring at Phil. He noticed Will on the floor. "I'm afraid if you stay there you'll risk being run down by my chair when I pull it out, son," he said with amusement.

Will stood up, looking startled at being addressed in a way that could be construed as patronizing.

Dad touched me on the arm and whispered gently, "Jen and Bing out there?"

I nodded, and he poked his head through the door. "Were you able to find that pepper shaker, Jen?" he called tactfully. "You know your mother only likes using the matched set."

The revelation came to me as I turned to pass Kristy the dish of rice. I caught a glimpse of Jen in an unguarded moment that made me turn my head back to confirm what I had seen and ... oh my goodness. My sister was in love.

Placid, serene, reserved Jen. So the old cliché was true; still waters really did run deep. I had always known my older sister to have both profound convictions and deep feelings for those she cared about, but thus far, had only witnessed the love she felt for family and friends. The look she had given Bing was one of purely romantic, even passionate love. And I knew damn well it was a look she had never given Harold Randolph Dearborn the Third.

She never told me. When she spoke of Bing, she used words like affection and admiration and friendship. I wondered what else there was about my sister I didn't know.

I thought Jen told me everything. Even when she ended her engagement without explanation, I simply thought it must be because there was nothing to tell. How could there be, if I didn't know? She was my best friend. My older sister by a scant twenty months. I told her everything; she told me everything. That was the way it was.

And now it wasn't.

Colin's dad, a pediatrician, has a woodworking hobby he turns to good use by making toys for hospitals and daycare centers as well as his own reception office. When we were younger, he would let us help him, usually painting and sanding, and he demonstrated his various tools. I discovered my favorite when I was nine. It was a long metal rectangle with a glass tube holding neon green liquid running through the center. Dr. Wesley called it a level, and showed me how to put it on a flat surface and see if the bubble fit between two little black lines. If it did, you knew if was really a plane surface. He got no further help from us that day, for Colin and I spent the rest of the afternoon running around the garage and backyard, checking for levelness. To our disgust, not one square foot of the Wesley driveway was truly flat.

I liked stirring things up. A little regulated commotion around me made life interesting. But for myself, the little bubble was always between the black lines. I liked watching the world and all its insanity and inanity swirl around me, but it stopped there. My head was always level, even if my emotions had a tendency to seesaw. It was called equilibrium, and it kept me grounded and in control.

And now, for the second time in as many weeks, my balance had been knocked off kilter. Everything I had been sure of seemed doubtful now, if I couldn't be sure of Jen. She didn't tell me everything...

For the second time in as many weeks. The phrase had come to me instinctually, but now I realized if there was a second, so must there be a first. The low voice of the tall man sitting next to me told me what it was. If Jen had set my level on its head, Will was twirling it around his finger.

"Hey, Liz, are you there?" I returned to the present at the sound of my youngest sister's voice. "What, were you fantasizing, Lizzy? I bet you were." Lynda smirked. The unmistakable feeling of a hot blush suffused my cheeks.

I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to bring myself to look at Will, but it didn't matter. My concentration was fixed upon another object ... who was still wearing a smug expression even as my father reprimanded her. I was becoming increasingly aware of a side of my youngest sister that I didn't like.

I could accept the fact that Lynda wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. She had never been academic, not in the least. What I couldn't accept were the spiteful and injurious remarks she voiced under the guise of naive thoughtlessness. When she was fourteen, it was irksome, but we brushed it off as the result of immaturity and a heedless nature. At nineteen it was, I was convinced, something else. Lynda's outward display of ditzyness concealed a shrewd, calculating, and decidedly malicious mind.

"Don't give me that look," Lynda hissed across the table.

A wave of rage passed over me that I had not experienced -- at least towards her -- since my senior year of high school when Lynda accidentally, she claimed, deleted my fifteen page economics thesis while trying to install a game. She knew exactly what she was about. I took a sip of water, and the anger cooled to a cold, sick feeling of premonition. I didn't understand the cause of this spite or just what it might come to, but I was worried.

"I know that it is shady at best and highly illegal if I surmise correctly the things you've neglected to tell me."

The second I heard it, I knew Dad's curt retort was directed at Uncle Phil, even though I hadn't the slightest notion of the conversation that had preceded it. For Jen's sake, I [rayed the discussion would end there.

I hoped for too much, of course. "Come on, Pete, I'm sure you know all the tricks of the trade. Can't that kind of thing be eased over pretty well?"

"Eased over, Phil? In the accounting profession we tend to refer to such an action as 'cooking the books.' It's such a more ... vivid description, don't you agree?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Phil blustered. "It's just a way of cutting through the formalities, you know?"

"Yes, I know all about your ways of 'cutting through the formalities' and I refuse to have anything to do with them."

"Peter, please," my mother urged.

He turned to her. "Yes, Abbie?" I winced at his sharp tone. "And you would suggest that I go along with your brother's crackpot schemes? Really, I thought the mutual funds and IRAs were going enough for us, my dear."

"All I'm saying is please don't discuss it now ... here..."

"Yes, Abigail is right," my father said in the brisk voice he used at the lectern. "Phillip, next time you wish to embark on a futile mission to enlist my aid in your shifty machinations, please take care not to do it in front of the guests. They might find themselves in an uncomfortable position should they be called to testify, you know. Might think it's inhospitable."

Lynda's laughter, boisterous and jarring, cut through the silence.

"Lynda, it's not funny," Mom said tensely.

I stared at my plate. I know Dad's been pushed to his limit by Phil, but this is just unacceptable. Still, he refused to drop it.

"What do you think, Kristen?"

"Um, about what, Dad?" Clearly Kristy didn't want to be pulled into the dispute.

"Come on, sweetie, I know you're not getting your MBA for nothing." His voice was gentle, reassuring.

"Oh, come on Pete, what does she know?" Phil interrupted.

"My daughter has a degree in management studies from Syracuse University," my father replied coolly, patronizingly. "She has taken a number of accounting and business law courses, earning very high marks in them all. She is currently pursing her Masters in Business Administration from the Rochester Institute of Technology. You may have heard the name; it is the place of my employment. I instruct various courses in our business program, particularly accounting. I believe Kristen is well qualified to evaluate the matter ... as am I."

"I do believe you'd sic the FBI on me if you had the chance, wouldn't you, Pete?" Phil asked lightly.

"If you are saying I place integrity over any misbegotten notions of loyalty, yes, I am not ashamed to say that is true."

"I agree with Mr. Benedict," Will spoke up, surprising everyone. "One should not sacrifice his principles in the name of ties of blood or affection. Nor should he forgive more readily for those same reasons."

"Thank you for your opinion, Mr. Fitzdarcy," said my mother tightly. "But this is a family affair, and I would thank you the let it remain so."

Startled, Will opened his mouth again. I stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Will," I said quietly, "shut up."

No one felt much like speaking for the rest of dinner, and we could hardly do justice to my mother's excellent dessert. Jen and Bing managed to escape quickly, probably to Bing's place. Phil at least had the good sense to leave after them. Kristy and Steve left for a party. Myra, who had hardly said a word all night, suddenly spoke up.

"Will, would you mind taking a look at my computer? It's been having some problems lately, but I'm not sure if I need to take it into the shop..."

Will was surprised, but assented. I wandered back to the living room and slumped into a chair, feeling miserable. It had been the dinner from hell, and of all people to be present ... I hoped that Bing, at least, hadn't been too adversely affected. From the kitchen I could hear Lynda and Mom arguing. Dad walked into the room, carrying a book, and sat down across from me.

I refused to look at him, still angry. He watched me for a moment, then nodded, understand I didn't want to talk to him. All I wanted to do was go home, cry, take a hot shower and go to bed. But no. I still had that meeting with Will. It had better be worth it, I thought, as I shook some Motrin out of the bottle to relieve my throbbing head. Swallowing them down, I grimly formed a resolution. I'd make it worth it.

I heard feet descending the stairs and stood up. Will came into the room and looked at me. "All set? Myra ... is having some trouble with her contacts, so she's still up there."

I nodded, fully understanding contact trouble. Will and my father exchanged a brief farewell. We went into the kitchen. "Thank you for having me, Mrs. Benedict. Your cooking is excellent."

My mother replied politely, though she still looked slightly displeased with him.

We got into my car and I started for home. Yes. I'm definitely going to have to make this worth it.

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