Merry Little Christmas

Rache

Jump to new as of July 4, 2002

Prologue

Posted on Sunday, 12 November 2000, at 9 : 33 a.m.

"Excuse me!" growled the tall man as he ploughed through the crowd in Selfridges.

Jerk Thought Lizzy as she retrieved her scatterred shopping. It was three days 'til Christmas and the Oxford Street panic had reached it's climax. 'Jingle bells' and 'Winter wonderland' echoed through every store and the gentle snow and winter magic were conspicuously absent from the general push and shove atitude of London at Christmas.

Lizzy was cheesed off. She had spent the past two hours shopping for the most impossible family any girl had ever been blessed with.

"Right," she sat down in the cafe with a diet coke and a fruit salad, about the only things on the menu that complied with her diet.

She reached for her list. "Tales of Ovid for Father, printed leotard for Jane, music for Mary, make-up for Kitty and Lydia, Mother, Mother..." she sighed. "What do I get for Mother? Smelling salts spiced up with crack? Herbal tea laced with Arsenic?" She shook her head. What a day. She still had to find a dress for tonight. "Of course, Mum would insist I wore a dress."

Having drained her diet coke she slowly lifted herself up. I'm going home.

"Jane! Jane, where are you?" Lizzy dropped her shopping and picked up a note from Jane saying that she had gone shopping too and would be back in time to get ready for the party together.

Holding the note she strolled into the kitchen and suddenly felt herself being pulled into a pair of strong, masculine arms and a pair lips pressed against her own.

"Merry Christmas, Eliza."

She looked up into a pair of deep, brown oceans and squealed in delight and shock. "You came! Oh, you came! Oh I love you so much!" She stood with him for a while and enjoyed the feeling of his being so close. "Oh, George! I'm so glad you're here! It's been ages! How was America? Did you sort it all out?"

"I love you too, I couldn't bear to be apart from you, America was meaningless without you there and," here he stopped and looked into her eyes, "I'm sorry I couldn't my business and I have to go back in just a week."

Her heart flipped. Just a week! She was used to George's business trips but she was hurt at the amount of time he was having spend away at the moment. Fighting back tears, she spoke in a trembling voice, "It's OK. I understand. I'll just have to spend as much time as I can with you right now." He smiled suggestively, she chose not to notice. "There's a formal tonight, why don't you come?"

"Is Will going?"

"Of course."

He grimaced. "I think I'll pass."

She slapped him playfully on the arm. "No you will not! It's about you made an effort to get to know Will, I've known him all my life and I'd love it if you too were friends."

Friends? George smiled inwardly. Oh I want to be friends too.

Chapter 1

Posted on Saturday, 18 November 2000, at 11 : 45 a.m.

"Jane, what did you get for Mother?" Lizzy asked as they were comparing gifts.

"Nothing yet, you?"

Lizzy shook her head. "She's so impossible! I might just bake her a cake or something."

"Can I see your dress again?" Lizzy held up the red square necked sleeveless dress she'd bought earlier. "It's really is gorgeous."

"What are you wearing?"

"My blue off the shoulder. Should we start dressing? It's six, Charles'll be here at eight."

Lizzy nodded and they began to wrap up the packages spread across the living room. "I really hope George goes tonight. If not, I won't see him til Thursday and then he's gone on Christmas Eve."

Jane stopped and reached over her sister, putting her arms around her as she continued. "I don't even know when he'll be back, it could be not until New Year, if then. Oh Jane, I thought it was going to be so wonderful but it's all gone wrong."

"Let's get ready, we'll have a great time tonight, with or without George."

"Kitty! Shall I wear my black dress or my pink one?"

"Which one looks better?"

"The pink one stands out, but the black one's more sexy."

"Well, I'm wearing red, so the black one would be better."

Lydia pulled the size 12 dress over her size 14 body and struggled with the zip.

"Lydia! I wanted to wear that necklace, it's mine!" shrieked Kitty as she snatched it from the floor under Lydia's pink dress.

"You can't, the clasp's broken."

"It wasn't til you broke it."

"Oh stop whining! It looked dreadful on you anyway, you don't have enough chest for it."

"Mother!" Appealed Kitty as Mrs Bennet entered the room.

"Oh for heavens sake Kitty have some compassion for my nerves!" and after a pause, "She's right anyway, you should be looking to fill out a little more, like Lydia. If you're not careful you'll go the way of your sister Lizzy, then what will become of you? Men like a bit of meat on their women."

Kitty pouted and stalked out of the room.

Fitwilliam Darcy searched the sea of faces for Elizabeth, trying to pick her out of the crowd. She had promised she would go.

"You can't leave me alone with those vultures!"

"I'm sure you'll survive, Will." Lizzy smiled. "All you have to do is mumble and snap at anyone who tries to talk to you, slight any woman who's introduced to you and generally act like a pig-headed snob and you should do fine. Oh and if in doubt, I'm sure there'll be some windows around you cna stare out of."

Will raised an eyebrow. "I thought we agreed that I was having a bad day."

"It was my sister's wedding Will! You can't expect me to forget it in a mere five years."

"Caroline was hilarious though, coming along expecting everyone to be wowed by her new boyfriend . . . we're now totaly off the point. Please come!"

She looked at his mournful expression. "Ok, if you promise not ask me to sing again."

"Deal," he said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

Will caught his breath when he saw her. She was beautiful.

"Hi Will."she kissed his cheek.

"Hi." Years of practice had taught him how to hide his love for his friend, to all except himself. "You eaten yet?"

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Yes and Jane was with me."

"Where are Jane and Charles?"

"Socialising with the vultures. I felt like a third wheel so I thought I'd come and find the only person in the room who's guarenteed not to be enjoying himself."

"Very funny, I was actually very much enjoying looking at this vase before I was so rudely interupted, so if you'll excuse me." He turned around and began to gaze intently at a yellow vase on the coffee table.

Lizzy laughed. Even with his back to her, he could see her eyes dancing with amusement.

"Managed to get rid of that growth on your hip I see, or is he still in America?"

Lizzy hit his arm. "George is back in England, but he's still really tired. He's at home resting."

Resting, yes. Thought Will, but the question is with who.

"Why don't you like him Will?"Lizzy reached out and held his hand. "You never even gave him a chance."

"He's not good enough for you Liz, simple as that."

"There must be something else."

Will looked at her, for a brief moment he thought about telling her everything, then shook his head.

"Let's not talk about this now. You eaten tonight?"

"Not since the last time you asked."

There was a pause. "Do you want to dance?" he asked.

"Sure that doesn't count as exercise, which is of course strictly against doctor's orders?"

He laughed. "I think we can make an exception, as long as you have eaten something."

"Cheese and ham pizza."

He nodded and led her to the floor.

Chapter 2

Posted on Sunday, 26 November 2000, at 2 : 01 p.m.

"Will?"

He could here her voice, so fragile as to break should he listen too hard.

"Will, help me, you have to help me. I can't move Will."

Her voice dissolved into gentle sobs.

He moved slowly up the stairs to her room.

"Lizzy?"

He gently pushed the door open. She wasn't there.

"Lizzy, where are you?"

"Down here Will."

His eyes travelled to a tiny pile of clothes as it wimpered his name.

He moved towards her.

"Lizzy? Oh my God Lizzy, what happened?"

"I...I fell."

"I'm getting your Mum."

"No!" she grabbed his arm with sudden and immediate strength. "No you mustn't tell anyone! Please!" She threw her arms around him. "Please Will! They'll lock me up again, don't let them Will! Please!"

"Have you eaten yet today Liz?"

She hesitated, looked at Will, thought better of lying and said, " No."

He immediately pulled onto the side of the road and stopped the car. "Why not?" he said as calmly as he could.

"I...I didn't have time."

"Didn't have time? Liz how can you not have time to eat? How can you just...forget?"

Force of habit she thought outloud she said. "I don't know, I just did."

He her out of the car and marched her down to the Cafe Roma round the corner.

"Well its a good job you've got me here to remind you."

They sat down and he picked up the menu. "This is just a snack, I'll get you something else at home. We'll have two hot chocolates, two plates of blueberry bagels and a slice of chocolate fudge cake."

"Oh no, Will! I'll be sick just looking at it! Please don't!"

He sent the waiter away as he took her hand across the table.

"Lizzy, calm down."

When she finished her tirade, he began.

"Lizzy, I... care for you a great deal and I... don't want to see you get ill again." He said a silent prayer and continued. "Lizzy I..."

Chapter 3

Posted on Sunday, 10 December 2000, at 12 : 31 p.m.

"Lizzy I need to tell you something. It's about George. He and I..."

CRASH

"What was that?"

Will cursed his luck and turned to look.

"A waiter drop a tray I think."

"Oh, what were you saying about George?"

He looked into the eyes he knew and loved so well, the eyes in which he had seen so much pain.

I can't do this to her, she trusts me.

"I was...just going to say that...I..um..." He was saved by their food arriving, but he knew he
would have to tell her the truth soon.

"What time is Emily arriving?" Lizzy asked as she padded into the kitchen in her pyjamas.

"About eleven." Jane replied. She turned round and laughed at the picture before her.

Lizzy was dressed in cuddly warm snowmen pyjamas with bright pink bed socks and a white
robe around her shoulders, and she still looked cold.

"What? It's December!"

Jane composed herself and passed Lizzy a coffee.

"Is George coming over today?"

Lizzy face fell.

"No, I told him not to, I know how much he hates children and our nephews can be particularly bad."

Jane wisely decided to change the subject.

"What about Will."

Lizzy brightened. "Yeah, about two."

Jane smiled. Good old Will

"Come on," she said brightly. "You better get dressed. We've got less than two hours to make this house childproof!"

As they worked, Jane decided to probe Lizzy further.

"How is Will these days? I don't get to see him much."

"You could be seeing more of him soon. Georgina's going away to school full time after Christmas, now she's settled in. I think he's going to get lonely."

"How is Georgina?"

"Fine as far as I know. She's a bit quiet, but then so's Will until he gets to know you."

"Lizzy, you and Will are just friends aren't you?"

Lizzy was puzzled. "Of course, why?"

"Nothing."

At about twelve-thirty, a blue people carrier pulled into the drive. Lizzy and Jane ran out to meet
them.

"Emily! How are you all?"

"Lizzy! Jane! We're fine, how are you?"

"Fine! Come in, we'll help you with your stuff."

Later, when the three little horrors that where the Rawdon Boys were safely occupied with a
train set, the three sisters had a chance to sit down and talk.

"Will should be here soon." Lizzy said glancing out of the window at the road.

Jane and Emily exchanged a knowing glance.

"Will?" said Emily lightly. "Oh yes, I remember, Window Guy."

"He was having a bad day."

"Didn't realise you two were together. Mind you, after Caroline I suppose anyone'll do."

"We're not together." Lizzy said quickly

No but you should be. Both sisters thought simultaneously.

"So, you're an swf right now."

"Not exactly, I'm seeing a guy called George." Stated Lizzy, much more concerned by the fact
that Will was nearly an hour late, very un-Will-like.

Emily and Jane chose not to comment on this.

"So Jane, how's the school?"

Jane beamed. "It's great! The children are just lovely, they're so well behaved. Lizzy loves it too." She glanced at her sister, still gazing out of the window.

"And how's Charles."

"He's fine..."

"I'm going to call him," Lizzy said suddenly.

"Charles?"

"Will! Something must've happened." Lizzy stood up suddenly and rushed to the phone.

"What's going on there then?

"Well," Jane hesitated. Most of what she could say was speculation. She wasn't sure Lizzy would appreciate being gossiped about. But, it was Emily after all. "You remember Will from when we were kids?"

"Yeah, he was a sweetie. Most of Lizzy friends were scared off when she got ill, but he stuck by her."

"Mmm. Well, he's still that sweet guy. He's always the one making sure she's eating properly, stopping her over excercising, keeping an eye on eye figure."

Emily choked on her coffee, then burst out laughing.

"No!" Jane blushed to the roots of her hair. "I didn't mean it like that! Will's not like that!"

"I know Jane, I know. What I really want to hear is why is she frantic because he's a little late?"

"They're close."

"How close?"

"Just friends, I asked her this morning."

Their conversation was interrupted by Lizzy storming in.

"What's the point in having a bloody phone if he never switches it on?"

"He'll be here soon Liz, don't worry."

A resounding crash and several howls from the next room drew the women away from their coffees.

"David?" Emily called for her husband. "What's going on?"

They entered the room and saw a very annoyed looking David holding apart his two oldest sons, who were desperate scrabbling for each other amid shouts of :

"That's mine!"

"Give it back!"

"I'll tell Mummy!"

"I hate you!"

Emily reached down and picked up her youngest son, who had been sitting howling on the floor.

"I think it's time we all got rid of some energy. Come on, let's go to the park." she called over the din.

The mention of parks, which was closely associated with ice-cream vans. Instantly made the two boys forget their differences and throw aside the offending coal truck.

"Are you two coming?" Emily asked.

"I want to be here in case Will phones back."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Well I want to go."

When all the trains had been cleared away and all coats, hats, gloves and scarves donned, the party left on their expedition.

Lizzy watched them go and sighed. She wanted to go with them, but she had to be in case Will phoned. She knew she was overreacting, she couldn't help it. Over the past few months, since she'd started seeing George, she'd not been able to shake the feeling that he was keeping something from her.

Will couldn't believe how long it had taken to find this place.

Wickham just had to chose the most remote, impossible to find cafe in London didn't he.

Finally he reached the meeting point.

"Well?" he barked angrily. "What do you want?"

Wickham looked up at. "Oh nothing."

Will gaped.

"I just knew you were supposed to be at Liz's today, and decided to make sure you weren't. Did
you even phone her?"

"No." Will choked. I didn't even think of that.

"Thought not."

"See you later."

Will was left in his own misery.

Chapter 4

Posted on Sunday, 17 December 2000, at 11 : 15 a.m.

Emily popped her head into the kitchen where Jane was trying to get Lizzy to eat some pasta bake.

She looked at Jane and winked.

"Lizzy, there's some guy called Bill or Will or something in your living room," Lizzy turned her head sharply. "I can get him to go if you want."

Lizzy flew past her sisters and threw herself into Will's waiting arms.

Jane and Emily left discreetly.

"Where have you been?" she said into his chest.

"I... oh god Lizzy I'm so sorry." he pushed her away suddenly. "I have to go, I just wanted you to know..."

With that he left.

Lizzy stood staring after him. While her sisters, watching from a safe distance, looked at each other in shock.

Jane shook her head in disbelief. "He didn't even ask if she'd eaten."

Will sat alone at the breakfast table. He hated eating at home when Georgie wasn't there, she'd gone to the seaside with some friends for Christmas.

Normally he would've had breakfast with Lizzy, but he just couldn't bring himself to call her, not after yesterday.

She must hate me, for I hate myself. Why have I let Wickham do this to me?

He knew why, she couldn't find out, then she really would hate him.

His thoughts where interrupted by the phone.

He waited for the answer phone to get it, just so that he could hear Liz's voice.

"Hi, you've reached the most boring man in the world, Will Darcy. He can't be out anywhere because he has the social life of a fire bucket, so he's probably painting his toenails. I can't think why you'd want to talk to him, but if it's urgent I suggest you try his office or mobile. If not them leave a message and he'll get to you as soon as he works out how to use the buttons. Bye!"

He laughed gently and listened for the caller's message, which would never be as much fun.

"Will?" He started at the desperate tone in Georgina's voice. "Will I've done something terrible..." here she broke down into sobs and Will grabbed the receiver.

"Georgie? Are you there? What's happened?"

"Oh, Will!"

Will could barely think as he left the house, he was blinded by rage. At least, he'd remembered to leave a message for Lizzy this time.

He wouldn't take this from Wickham, he's gone too far.

"Hi guys!" Lizzy called as she entered the living room. "Oh, where's Emily and David?"

"They've taken the boys to Mum and Dad's," Jane answered. "Lizzy, come and sit down, I need to talk to you."

"What is it?" Lizzy asked, sitting beside her.

"Will phoned. He's had to go away." She paused to let her words sink in. "He might be gone a while."

"He's going to miss Christmas." Lizzy said calmly.

She reached out and hugged her sister.

"Hey Sexy."

"Hi George, where are you?"

"I'm...at home. Babe, we need to talk."

"About what."

"Will. He hates me Liz."

"It's his problem, not ours."

"No, but.. the thing is, I've known Will a long time."

"What?" Liz said in confusion. Why hadn't Will told her that?

"Can I come over?"

"Sure."

"Where shall I start?" George said, when they were comfortably sitting o n her sofa.

"The beginning." Lizzy said.

"Will and I knew each other from when we were children, before he met you, " he added, seeing her confusion. "My father was their gardener and he used to play together while my father was working.

"His family moved to London when I was about ten, but our parents kept in touch, they were good friends. When my parent's died, his father took care of me financially, and in his will offered me a job in the East End.

"It was great, I was in charge of market research. I made a few contacts with wealthy business at this time, and one of them, whom I was not particularly fond of , it must be said, gave me a number for someone who would 'give me a good time', with a picture. I didn't recognise the name but the face seemed familiar. I eventually realised that I'd seen her at Will's house."

"Is that what you had to tell me, that you'd seen a prostitute at Will's house?" she laughed.

George visibly stiffened.

"That's not what I had to tell you!"

She stopped laughing. "Sorry, what else?"

"Well, I called this girl," Liz raised a eyebrow. "Just to find out what she knew."

"And?"

"She was very edgy when I mentioned him, which made me suspicious. So I did a bit of investigating and," he reached out and took her hand, "Lizzy, I know this is going to hurt you alot, but you have to know. He wasn't just using Sinead, he was running her. Lizzy, Will runs a prostitution ring in the east end."

Lizzy heard her resounding crash in her own mind which she could only assume was her life crashing down.

"Do you want me to go?" George asked softly. "I'll understand."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't tell anyone at first, he said I'd lose my job. I left as soon as I could to start my own business."

"And now?"

"Now I could expose him, but I didn't want to hurt you, I know how close you are." Probably better not tell her about our 'meetings'

She looked at his, totally expressionless.

"I'd like you to go now."

"Sure."

He left, smiling to himself. Score one to me I think

Lizzy sat in her living in utter shock, her last anchor, her last shread of security and sanity had crumbled.

She walked into the kitchen and saw the food Jane had left out for her. She slowly picked up plate and poured the contents down the drain.

That's for you, Will Darcy.

Chapter 5

Posted on Wednesday, 20 December 2000, at 2 : 51 p.m.

"Lizzy, it's almost 12, are you going to get up today?"

"I'm not feeling that good?" Not a lie, Lizzy hadn't felt so crappy in a long time. God, it felt so good to be hungry again.

"Have you eaten anything?"

"No, I had something last night, but I threw it up again."

"I'll get you a glucose tablet."

"Thanks Jane."

Lizzy hid the tablet under her tongue and waited for Jane to go. Then she ran into the bathroom and spat it down the drain, washing out all the sugar from her mouth and brushing her teeth.

That takes care of breakfast, now I've just got to figure out a way to be out for lunch

When she got downstairs Jane handed her the phone.

"It's Will."

Lizzy's lips tightened. "Ok, thanks."

"I'll be in the kitchen."

"Hello? Liz are you there?"

Holding the receiver to her ear, she reached out and cut him off. Glancing at Jane's pathetic attempts to pretend she wasn't listening she turned away.

"Hi Will...no, I'm just feeling a bit off colour... sure I can meet you, about half an hour?...Ok, see you then."

She put down the receiver and turned to Jane. "I'm meeting Will for lunch."

"He's back already?"

Damn

"Uh...yeah, just for today. He wanted to apologise in person for being away at Christmas." Good Liz, that made absolutely no sense.

Jane narrowed her eyes. "Ok."

Elizabeth ran upstairs and changed into her running gear.

Jane raised her eyebrows as she caught a glimpse of her sister creeping out of the front door.

As soon as she was gone, Jane reached for the phone and dialled 1471, then 3 to redial the number.

After two rings a women answered.

"Comet Hotel, may I help you?"

"I'd like to speak to Mr Darcy, please."

"Hold one moment."

She waited for Will to answer.

"Hello?" He sounded tired and worked up.

"Will, it's Jane. Where are you?"

"I told you, I'm in Ramsgate."

"You're still there?"

"Of course."

"Will, what did you say to Lizzy just now?"

"Nothing she cut me off."

"Oh God."

"What is it?" The concern in his voice touched her.

"Nothing really. I'm probably over-reacting."

"That's what you said when you told me you'd seen Lizzy making herself vomit. What's happened?"

"Nothing! Look, just back here as soon as you can, ok?"

She hung up before he could argue.

Lizzy spent a couple of hours jogging around the park before she judged it safe to go home.

She tried to sneak in but she turned around to find Jane standing before her.

"Good lunch?"

Lizzy smiled. "Yeah, Will and I had a great time, you know Will."

"You look pretty worn out."

Lizzy didn't miss a beat. "Yeah, Will chased me round the park for a while."

"That was very clever of him, seeing as he's still in Ramsgate."

Lizzy thought quickly. "Er, ok Jane, you win. I wasn't meeting Will today."

"What were you doing?"

"I can't tell you Jane...it's a suprise."

With that she raced upstairs to shower.

Before she stepped into the shower, she gingerly stood on the scales, the only pair in house, hidden in her drawer. 6 stone 2, 3 pounds lighter than last night. She was disappointed not to get the rush she had felt before when finding she had lost weight in a matter of hours, somehow weight wasn't the object this time.

She turned the water as hot as it would go, exaggerating her light-headedness and hunger, and relished in the feeling. She felt as though every sin and fault was being purged from her body as the the pain overtook her.

George had left for America on Christmas Eve. Lizzy'd begged him not to go, but he'd said he couldn't avoid it.

Lizzy asked Charles to inform Will that Jane had over-reacted, as that she was fine, just a bit under the weather.

Jane was still worried, nothing made any sense.

Will was going mad with worry, trying to help the two people he loved most in the world, at the same time.

Charles bought a ring.

George stepped of the plane and breathed the swet air of freedom.

Vegas, oh sweet land of liberty

"Mum! Mum! Guess what!" Lydia screamed as she tore threw the house. "Harriet's invited me to go to Vegas with her for Christmas! Can I go Mum? Can I?"

Christmas Day

"Charles, come in!"

Emily, already slightly tipsy, hugged him and pulled him into the living room, where a large party had already gathered.

Jane blushed and took his arm.

They bypassed a sulking Kitty, mumbling, "Bet Lydia's having a much better time in Vegas." and went straight to Mr and Mrs Bennet (just follow the noise).

"Charles, you remember my parents?"

"Of course, Mr and Mrs Bennet, pleased to meet you again."

Mrs Bennet squealed. "Ooooooo! How lovely! I'd forgotten how well turned out you were! Tell me, exactly how long have you too been a couple?"

Mr Bennet stepped to rescue him and led him to the drinks table.

As they left they heard Mrs Bennet adding to Jane in a loud whisper: "He's a real find dear! Are you engaged yet?"

Charles winced, Mr Bennet merely smiled and rolled his eyes.

"How have you been son?"

"Fine Thank you, and you?"

"Oh, fine, fine." He noticed Charles scanning the faces in the crowded room. "Looking for someone?"

"Lizzy, I didn't see her as I came in."

Mr Bennet's face clouded. "She's not been well, she's upstairs."

"Oh, do you think she'd mind if I went up to see her."

Mr Bennet shrugged, "I suppose not."

Charles knocked lightly on Lizzy's door.

"Come in."

He went in.

"Merry Christmas Charles."

"You too gorgeous, how are you feeling?"

"Ok."

"Rotten luck, being ill for Christmas."

"Yeah, I've had it before though." Her mind travelled back to the three consecutive years she spent Christmas in hospital.

"Lizzy...I need to ask you something. What if...that is...do you think that...if I..."

"Spit it out Charles."

"Yes, the thing I is, I've been thinking of asking Jane to marry me."

Lizzy's heart swelled with happiness for them both.

"Go for it."

"Really?"

"Definitely."

"Ok," he beamed and looked as though he might start doing cartwheels.

"Have they eaten lunch yet?"

"No. Are you coming down?"

Lizzy shook her head. "Maybe later."

He smiled and left, bouncing with delight.

At least someone's happy Lizzy thought.

She took some pain-killers and rolled over, searching for sleep through her pain.

She awoke to the sound of excited laughter from next door. On investigating, she found Jane and Charles cuddled on a large beanbag in the corner of Jane's room, a large diamond ring conspicuous on her finger.

"Oh! Lizzy!" Jane called when she saw her. Disentangling herself she ran towards her. "Charles has proposed!"

After all the necessary congratulations, Charles excused himself.

"Lizzy, I owe you an apology. Charles told me he asked your advice, I feel so bad about doubting you! But you have to understand, after everything, I was worried."

"It's ok Jane, I love that you care so much!"

Jane grinned. "Are you coming down, just for the presents?"

Lizzy shook her head. "I think I'll just go to bed and try to sleep this thing off."

Jane nodded and bounced out of the room.

Will arrived home at ten, having left his inconsolable sister in London with his aunt.

Tommorrow he would go over to Lizzy's and find out exactly what was going on.

He reached over to answer the phone

"Hi Will, it's Charles. "The necessary pleasantries followed and finally Will enquired after Jane.

"Oh Will! You'll never believe it, Jane and I are engaged." Will tuned out while Charles rambled on about the angelic Jane.

"Yes, Charles, I'm very happy for you, but..."

"But what?"

"Well, Jane's been your only serious girlfriend since you were 18, how can you be so sure this is all there is?"

Charles pondered his words. "So, what do you think I should do?"

"I suggest you tell Jane you want to take some time out, explore new possibilities."

He was a fine one to talk, he'd been in love with the same woman since he was twelve.

"Will, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Elizabeth Bennet."

Will turned around and found himself gazing into a pair of chocolate brown whirlpools of colour."

"I'm sure you two will get on fine while I take Mrs Darcy in for some tea." Mrs Bennet giggled nervously and shot Lizzy a warning glare as they left.

"Hi," He squeaked out.

"Hello."

Eventually he noticed the round face and rosy cheeks that surrounded the eyes.

"Did they teach you speak in Scotland or do you need lessons."

Snap out of Will, she's laughing at you."Of course I can talk." he said in defensive voice.

She shrank back momentarily at his sharp tone, but quickly regained her composure.

"Well, if that's how you do it, it's a wonder Scotland doesn't spend the whole time in civil war!"

They glared at each other across the terrace.

She smiled a sassy smile and turned away.

Lizzy pulled herself out of bed on Boxing day and dragged herself downstairs.

Despite the early hour, she heard agitated voices from the kitchen.

"So that's it then? You're just going to walk out of my life?"

"Jane, listen to me, I just need some time to sort myself out before I make a lifetime commitment."

All she heard was muffled sobs as Charles rushed out of the kitchen and out of the front door.

Lizzy cautiously entered the kitchen.

"Jane? What happened?" she reached out to her, but was shaken off.

"Apparently, he needs some space."

"He didn't seem to need much space last night."

"Yeah well, he's spoken to 'a friend' since then."

"Who?"

"I don't know, but whoever it was said he should explore different possibilities.."

Will, it has to be. Who else would be Charles have so much faith in? He probably offered him one of his 'possibilities'

"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be back on his knees before the New Year."

Jane nodded and smiled. "Do you feel up to a major veg out in front of the Big Breakfast?"

"Yeah." Oh my God, how do I get out of this?

She helped Jane gather mince pies, gingerbread, glace fruits and chocolates. I'll have to go to Plan B.

An hour later, Jane and Lizzy had eaten enough to feed an army of Mrs Bennets.

Lizzy knew what she had to do. "I'll see you later Jane, I'm going upstairs to shower."

She turned the shower onto it's hottest and waited for the dizziness. She ran a cold tap over her fingers and swallowed a mouthful of ice cold water. Taking a deep breath, she pushed two fingers down her throat and coughed onto them.

When she was finished, she opened a window onto the frosty air, brushed her teeth the get rid of the smell and stumbled back to bed, shaking.

The next day brought a slightly warmer breeze, everywhere except Lizzy's mind. It was getting harder and harder to leave her room, a food free zone, and face the onslaught downstairs, especially after yesterday.

She had to get up today though, otherwise people would get really worried.

She glanced at the clock, 8am, not yet light. She forced herself out of bed and onto the scales. 5 stone 8, was that more or less than yesterday? To be honest, it didn't really seem important, as long as she was hungry.

She found a note from Jane on her bedside:

"Will called (6 times), but you were so deeply asleep I didn't want to wake you. He said he'd drop by today."

Suddenly I feel like going out.

She quickly dressed in running gear and went downstairs to the kitchen.

She poured a dribble of milk and a some branflake crumbs into a bowl and left in on the kitchen table. She scribbled a note about fresh air and left for the park.

Her legs were crumbling, she could barely walk. She had not idea how long she'd been running, but the day had long since dawned and she knew they would be worried at home, but she couldn't stop now.

She stopped mid stride as the familiar black dots danced in front of her eyes.

Her legs buckled and just as she was about to hit the concrete she felt a pair of muscular arms around her, safe and secure.

"It's Okay, I'll take you home."

Chapter 6

Posted on Saturday, 30 December 2000, at 11 : 42 a.m.

She was 12 years old.

"Elizabeth, where are you?"

She turned to search for the voice. "I'm here!"

"I can't see you Eliza, where are you?"

"I'm here!" she cried desperately.

"Where are you? It's dinner time."

"No! No, I don't want to, I can't!"

"Of course you can, we all are."

She was sitting at the table.

"Spaghetti," her family chorused. "Mmmmm."

"Come on Lizzy." Emily pushed her plate towards her.

"It's really yummy Lizzy." called her sister Mary.

"Just eat a little bit Lizzy." whispered Kitty piling on more.

"It won't make you fat." laughed Lydia.

"No!" Lizzy cried, "No I can't!"

"Why not?" asked Emily.

"Come on Sweetheart," whispered her father. "Just a little bit."

"Come on Lizzy." called her mother.

"Please Lizzy!" begged Jane.

"No!"

"Please!"

"No!"

"Please!"

"No, I won't!"

"Yes you will." whispered a voice inside her. "Because you're so weak, you can't resist, just
like you can't resist Will."

"I can resist, I can!"

"No you can't, Will's going to come to you and tell you it was all a big misunderstanding, that
he loves you, that George was lying and you're going to believe him."

"No I won't!"

"Yes you will! Because you're so blinded you can't see him for what he is. He doesn't love you
Lizzy, he'll only use you."

"Lizzy?"

She blinked, where was she?

"Lizzy, how are you feeling?"

She turned her head to find the voice.

"Will?" she looked at him, as though seeing him for the first time, then closed her eyes. She
didn't want to talk to him.

"Lizzy, the doctor said it was best to move you out of your room, so you're in the spare room."
She didn't answer. "I'm supposed to keep talking to you so...um..." He paused, and thinking she
was asleep, continued, his eyes filling with tears. "Oh Lizzy! Why do you do this? I guess it
must be to do with me this time, since you've been ignoring me so much., did I do something? If
I did, all I can say is I'm sorry and I love you."

Her heart jumped. He loves me? No he doesn't."

"Lizzy, I have to tell you, I don't even know if you can hear me, but I have to anyway." He
hesitated briefly. "I love you. I really truly love you with all my heart and I have done since the
day I met you. It was torture watching you destroying yourself all those years, and now it's
happening all over again and I don't even know why. This is killing me Liz, please don't shut
me out.

"I'll get you away from your family, it's all their fault. They did this to you, your Mum was
always putting you down, your Dad ignores you half the time and your sisters..."

Through all this she lay constructing a response. When he finally stopped and buried his face in
his hands she spoke.

"Where were you Will?" He looked up.

"When?"

"When you left so suddenly, where did you go?"

"I went to Ramsgate."

"Why?"

"To see Georgie."

"Why?"

"She...I missed her."

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure you weren't in London?"

He shook his head slowly, "I was in Ramsgate."

"Pity, your friends are probably missing you over the Christmas season, like Sinead."

With every word, he felt her slipping further away from him. She knows.

"Lizzy, I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising?" she said sharply. After a moments pause, she spoke low and with
nothing but sheer contempt. "You are not who I thought you were Fitzwilliam. How can
use women so badly, like they're just objects?" Finding strength in her anger, she pulled herself
into a sitting position. "You've even managed to infect Charles with your cruelty."

He looked up quickly. "Charles?"

For a moment her courage fled, but she began again with renewed force. "It was you wasn't it,
who told Charles to leave Jane."

He reddened. "I..."

"What did you do, offer him one of yours? Sinead maybe, or is she for your use only?"

"What? Sinead, she's the only one!"

"Is that meant to be a defence? It's kind of hard to run a prostitution ring with only one
prostitute."

"What?! I don't..."

"And I know all about how you blackmailed George into keeping your secret, your pathetic."

"But Lizzy..."

"Save it someone who cares Will." She lay back down and rolled away from him.

"Lizzy please..."

"Get out."

He left.

"Lizzy?" Emilly reached out to shake her sister. "Lizzy I have to talk to you."

Lizzy blinked and mumured, "What it is?"

"What's going on Liz?2

"With what?"

"Why aren't you eating?"

She didn't answer.

"Does it have anything to do with Will?"

"Maybe."

"What happened."

Lizzy looked at her, red eyed. "Oh Em! I hate him so much!"

Emilly lay beside her and held her close as Lizzy whispered everything that had happened.

"What has all that to do with you not eating?" Emilly asked softly.

"I...I wanted to hurt Will."

"Ok, let's play spot the logic. By hurting yourself, you hurt all the people that love you,
including Will. But if he's this evil cruel monster who only worried about anything but money
and sex, why should he care?" "

Lizzy pondered this.

Emilly spoke softly, "Come on Baby, what's the real reason?"

"I guess..he was my only reason to eat, without him, didn't see the point." She fought back
tears.

"What about yourself? Aren't you a reason to eat?"

She looked up and couldn't lie.

"No." she said tearfully. "I'm not good enough."

Emilly tightened her arms around her. "Why not?"

"I..I don't know."

Chapter 7

Posted on Wednesday, 3 January 2001, at 6 : 41 p.m.

What do you think of me?
Am I a child, so simple and pure,
So innocent and sweet,
Do I need patience, kindess, love,
Are you my supirior, my teacher, my guide,
Is that what you think of me?

What do you think of me?
Am a selfish, spiteful liar,
So underhand and cruel,
Do I need to be punished and exiled,
Are you to be my judge, jury and excecutioner,
Is that what you think of me?

What do you think of me?
Do you fear me?
Do you not know what I will do next,
Do you push me down because it makes you feel safer?
Is that what you think of me?

Be careful how you judge me,
My heart will not forget

#

Jane and Mr Bennet sat at the kitchen table and waited for Emily to come downstairs. Hopefully, Lizzy might open up to her.

Eventually, she appeared, red eyed.

"Well?" asked Mr Bennet anxiously.

"I think she needs to go back to counseling, she still can't cope by herself."

It's a good thing Charles broke broke it off. Jane thought with a sigh. I couldn't have left her after this.

"Did you ask her to eat something?" Mr Bennet asked.

Emily shook her head. "I don't think that would've helped. Food isn't the problem, " she hesitated, relunctant to break Lizzy's confidence. "It's more about her not coping with life."

After a brief discussion about when and how to start Lizzy's counseling, Mr Bennet went home, without seeing his daughter.

Will was devastated.

His first instinct after leaving Lizzy's was to find Wickham and smash his brains out. Common sense prevailed however and he raced home to phone Georgi.

She picked after two rings. "Hello?"

"Georgi it's me, how are you."

She sighed. "Ok, Aunt Emma talked some sense into me."

After a brief sibling conversation, Will got to the point.

"Georgi, I need to ask you something."

"What?"

"I need to tell Lizzy."

"No! Oh no please Will don't!" She broke into sobs

When he's calmed her down, he explained what had happened and how he needed to tell Lizzy the truth.

Georgi was silent for a long time. "Ok, you can tell her."

"Thankyou Georgi."

After furthur reassurances and tears, Will hung up, and sat down to do a lot of explaining.

It was after midnight when Will was disturbed by a loud knock at the door.

He opened it drowsily and took a moment to recognise the woman before him, then wished he hadn't.

"Caroline."

"Will! Long time no see, how are you baby?" She said, brushing past him.

"I'm not nor will I ever be your baby." he said tightly as he followed her.

"Picky, picky." She glanced around her. "At least you've been making an effort at looking after yourself, but really Will, this place needs a woman's touch."

Yes Caroline, a woman's touch, not a harpy's.

She caught sight of the picture of him and Liz at Alton Towers the previous summer. "Oh, you're not still hanging round with that Bennet girl are you."

He clenched his jaw. Not at that moment "Yes, I saw her today in fact."

Caroline was disconcerted.

"Look Caroline, it's late, would you mind leaving."

"Um, of course. I'll give you the number of my hotel." She quickly scribbled it down and gave it to him.

"Thanks, I'll call you tomorrow."

"We can catch up."

He showed her out.

I don't think so baby, I've got more important things to do tomorrow.

Charles sat alone in his flat.

"Oh Jane, why did I let you go?"

Georgina cried into her pillow.

"Oh Lizzy, please don't hate me!"

Lizzy slept in pain, dreamed of pain, and woke with pain.

Chapter 8

Posted on Sunday, 21 January 2001, at 5 : 49 p.m.

Elizabeth woke with one clear thought in her head, Will loves me. However much she argued with herself, she couldn't deny it any longer. In a way she'd always known.

But I hate him. Anger surged through her body. She looked around at the crisp cleaness of the spare room. There were trinkets, no pictures, nothing to remind her of Will and yet the very walls screamed his name.

Jane knocked gently.

"Come in."

Jane handed her a brown envelope. "Will just dropped this round, he said to make sure you got it and that he's gone to london to see Georgi."

"I bet."

"He said you'd understand after you'd got this."

Jane nodded and left.

Lizzy opened the envelope and found a tape. She slipped it into her cassete player and pressed play.

Elizabeth, before I start I want to assure that I this not a proclaimtion of my undying love for you, nor is it intended to hurt you. It is just my side of the story, which you must hear before you judge me.

First I will address the problem between Jane and Charles. I think both of us agree that all we want is to see both our friends happy. I was simply trying to stop Charles from making a mistake,

"Marrying Jane, the love of his life, a mistake?" Lizzy threw a pillow at the cassette player but carried on listening.

I didn't want them to get married then regret it, it's for the rest of their lives, I thought he should be sure.

"He was, til you came along."

I was only trying to help.

"Fitwilliam Darcy, that is pathetic."

From the defensive tone in his voice, she judged he probably agreed with her.

I will now move on to the more serious accustions, those of George Wickham. I know not exactly what he's told you (had you been yourself yesterday, I'm sure you would've filled me in) but I think I got the jist. Therefore all I can do tell you everything that has happened between us.

Mr Wickham was the son our gardiner when we where living in Scotland, before we moved down here. From an early age his jealousy of my postion grew into shear hatred and a desire to bring me down at all costs.

The problems he caused led my being cautioned, which prompted my father to bring us down here. His father and mine kept in touch and when Old Mr Wickham died my father took care of his son and in his will asked that Mr Wickham be offered a job at our accountancy firm.

However, he refused to take a desk job and asked for ten thousand pounds instead, to furthur his education. I soon realised exactly what sort of education he was interested in.

Wickham and I had no furthur contact, until a few days ago,

She heard the shift in his voice as he struggled to find the right words.

I still didn't know where he'd been getting all his money from. I got a call from a distraught Geogianna a few days ago...

He audibly shifted, Lizzy felt a surge of pity as she realised his pain.

She told me...she told me that George was there, that he'd been doing things to her.

Here the take clicked and clicked again, showing a break in the recording.

I later learned that he had asked her to join his 'business', his ring of prostitutes. You may imagine what I felt and how I acted.

"Oh Will! Why didn't you say anything?"

Until now, I couldn't do anything to him, he had too much power over me. During our adolensence, we both did many things that I nopw regret. Needless to say, if they should come to light, my reputation would ruined.

Lizzy laughed in spite of herself. "The good old Darcy pride comes to the rescue once again."

So many times I wanted to tell you Liz, but I just couldn't risk you not believing me. I swore to myself if he did anything to you I'd rip his head off, hang the consequences.

So much more needs to be said, but this is not the time.

Even if you cannot forgive me all the pain I've caused you, don't punish me by hurting yourself.

Yours, now and to the ends of the earth,

Fitzwilliam.

Chapter 9

Break down all barriers,
Watch the world spin true.
Learn to trust yourself and
let others trust you too.

Show the world who you really are.
There's no need to run and hide.
Build your bridges from heart and soul,
For those are the ties that bind.

Mr Bennet pushed past Jane and Emily shouting, "I've had enough of your pampering her, it's time someone sits her down and talks some sense into her."

He slamed open the door and glared at his daughter.

Lizzy looked up in shock. "Father?"

"I've had enough of this Elizabeth! For years I've taken a back seat and watched you get worse and worse."

"Without counseling she'd be dead by now!" screamed Emilly as she pushed her way into the room.

Mr Bennet continued ignoring her. "I want to know what this is about, I want to know what's going on."

Lizzy stared at him blankly.

"Why are you doing this?"

Nothing.

"Lizzy..."

"Go away!"

She jumped out of bedand stood by the open window, leaning out. "Leave me alone or I'll jump!" Tears streamed down her face.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Wouldn't I? The way I'm feeling right now I could do anything." She stopped and sobbed as Mr Bennet stared at her. "And believe me, that's alot more frightening for me than it is for you."

Jane pushed past her father. "Lizzy, come away from the window."

"I will, when you've gone."

"We can't leave you like this."

"Well you can't very well stay."

"Ok, what if Dad and I go? Will you come away and tell Emilly what's happened?" Jane asked, silently praying for all of them.

Lizzy looked at Emilly. "Ok."

Jane Pushed her father from the room and closed the door behind her.

Emilly walked over and sat on the bed. "Come here Lizzy." She enfolded her sister in a tight embrace while she cried her heart out.

When Lizzy had finally calmed down, she explained to Emily about Will's tape.

Emily gave a low whistle. "Wow, heavy stuff."

"Oh Em, I've been so stupid, treated him so badly."

"But from what he says, it doesn't sound like he blames you. In fact he begs your forgivness."

"Doesn't stop me blaming myself though."

Emily reached forward and gripped her hand. "You have to stop that."

"What?"

"Putting the world on your shoulders, trying to be perfect."

"I'm not!"

"Liz, he made the descision not to tell you, you couldn't have known."

Lizzy looked down at her hands.

"If you want to blame someone, blame George Wickham, blame Will, blame Georgina, blame Westlife for God's sake! Blame anyone except you."

Lizzy smiled. "Well, Westlife did release an album, that was fairly depressing."

"Exactly. Seriously though, I think you should dump George."

"Oh yeah. He lied to me, he practically raped Georgi, he blackmailed Will, he's a sleaze and he didn't ask me to join his prostitution ring, which I'm quite insulted about."

Emilly grinned, "Good to see your making a recovery."

Lizzy sombered.

Emily hesitated, then risked it anyway. "You do realised youn nearly killed yourself don't you. You have to ask yourself Lizzy, is George Wickham really worth it?"

Elizabeth sighed. "No, he's not." She struggled briefly. "Neither's Will."

"No," agreed Emilly. "He's cute, but not that cute."

"Hands off!"

"I'm a married woman!"

A few days later, Lizzy knocked gently on the door to her father's study.

"Come in."

She opened the door and stood before him. "Father?"

He looked at her. "Elizabeth? You're up."

Nobel Prize for stating the obvious.

He searched for words. "Are you.. I mean.. have you.. well.."

"Starting eating again? Yes."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why did you come here?"

"Just to let you know that I'm Ok."

"I would've thought you'd prefered to keep me reading the obituaries."

"It's what you deserve."

"Then why are you here?"

"I wanted to let you know that... I understand."

With that she left.

Chapter 10

Posted on Saturday, 3 February 2001, at 2 : 39 p.m.

"Lizzy, Auntie Maddie's on the phone."

Lizzy reached out and took the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hello dear. How are you?"

"Much better thanks, I'm back with it now."

"Your uncle and I are planning a trip to Scotland next week, would you like to come with us? A change of scene might do you some good."

"I'd love to come Aunt Maddie, thankyou." I don't want to be here when George gets back from America.

Elizabeth got out of the car and studied the small inn where they would be staying.

"It's a lovely village," raved her aunt. "I'm so glad to be back here after all this time."

"It is beautiful," agreed Lizzy, "What did you say it was called?"

"Lambton."

Over dinner, Mr and Mrs Gardiner carefully watched their neice, as instructed. Attempting to distract her, they began to list all the various activities they had planned.

"I must called on ther Smyths, up on the hill, it's been so long since I called on them."

Mr Gardiner agreed. "Didn't you say there were some fine walks about Maddy?"

"Oh yes, some very fine countryside."

"We'll go for a walk later, ok Lizzy?"

"Ok, but not too long."

Her aunt and uncle looked at each other uncomfortably.

"It's Ok, I can talk about it."

"We know, we just aren't used to it. Jane told us about the problem's you've been having and we're worried."

"I know."

To cover the awkward pause, Mr Gardiner asked his wife if there were any fine houses they might visit.

"Oh yes, there is Pemberley."

Lizzy nearly droped her fork. "Pemberley? How far?"

"Oh, I don't know. I was told once, but I've forgotten."

When the waitrress came to clear her plates, Mr Gardiner asked her.

"It's not more than five miles from here."

"How far?"

"Five miles."

"Five?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

Lizzy quickly in interupted. "Is there anyone living there?"

The waitress shook her head. "Not at the moment, the family's staying in England."

"Thankyou."

"Well?"

Lizzy smiled. "I think I would very much like to see Pemberley."

And so a few day's later, they drove into the driveway at Pemberley.

Their tour was long and not terribly thrilling for Elizabeth, who knew most of what the guide said anyway. As soon as she could, she escaped the tour and set off to find the sites Will had told her about, specifically a private garden which he had described as his own personal sanctuary. She felt slightly guilty about invading his privacy, but remembered that he had always siad he'd wanted her to see it.

She opened a large wooden door and glanced through. This must be it, it was exactly as he had described it. A large pond surrounded by plants and forrest. She smiled delightedly and set out to explore.

It truly was beautiful, the air was light and fresh, the mood was calm but with a hint of mischeif.

She heard a splash from behind and felt dull throb as she realised she was not alone. She turned around slowly. What she saw left her in no doubt that this was Fitzwilliam Darcys' personal sanctuary.

"Will!"

He looked up quickly, blushed a deeper red than his speedos and threw a towel around his waist.

"Lizzy, I..." he stuttered in embarrassment.

Lizzy rescued him. "I didn't think you were here, I mean, I was told that you were England."

"I was, that is I got back this morning."

"Oh."

An awkward pause, during which Lizzy tried not to look at his tanned chest and Will tried not to notice the fact that her top buton was undone, displaying a fair amount of her own, considerably less tanned chest. Instead he noticed with a horrified jolt how thin she looked. He longed to ask if she'd eaten, but he wasn't sure if he'd forfited the right to know.

"How are your parents."

Her face fell as she thought of her father. "They are well."

"And your sisters?"

They both blushed as they thought of Jane and Bingley.

"Fine, and Georgi?"

"She's...Ok."

"Good."

They both stood looking at each other for a moment.

"Are you here long?" he asked.

"Two weeks. I'm here with my aunt and uncle."

Seizing the oppertunity, he asked to meet them.

"Of course." She smiled. "Don't you think you'd better get changed."

He blushed anew and excused himself as she went in search of her aunt and uncle.

Will and the Gardiners got on well. Lizzy had expected them to, they were his kind of people. He exchanged tories with Mrs gardiner about the village and talked angling with her husband. Despite all the pleasantries, tension hung heavy in the air and Mr and Mrs Gardiner quickly found an excuse to go back to the inn, saying they would pick Lizzy up later.

As they drove away, Will turned to Lizzy, she stuggled to meet his gaze.

"We have to talk." He spoke so solemnly that all Lizzy's confidence fell away.

"Yes," she agreed. "Shall we go for a walk?"

He almost reached out for her hand, but stopped himself at the last minute.

They walked in silence for a while, before she spoke.

"Their's something else isn't there. You still haven't told me everything, even now."

His eyes where fixed on the ground. "There were...pictures, of Georgi."

Lizzy closed her eyes briefly and tried to keep the quiver out of her voice. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Georgi specifically asked me not to tell you, she thought you'd be disappointed."

"Me? Disappointed?" She frowned in confusion.

He smiled slightly. "She worships you Lizzy." Must be a family trait.

"And Sinead?" She heard him wince. "Was she one of the misdemenours you talked about?"

"Sinead was...a girl I used to know."

"I got that far."

"All you need you know is that he had an ill-fated romance some years ago during one of my summers here."

"Why don't you trust me?" She kicked a stone and watched it bounce along the path ahead.

"I promise I'll tell you one day, just not yet., it's tough for me."

"You must have really loved her."

"Never as much as I love you."

It was only when she turned and stood in front of him that he realised what he'd said.

She spoke in breathless shock. "You still love me, even now?"

Time to bite the bullet. "How could I not? You make me who I am, I live for you."

"And I for you," she said soflty. The impotance of this statement was not lost on either of them.

After a moment's silence, she turned and walked on, he followed slightly behind. Without looking at her, he reached out and gently took her hand where it swung by her side.

Chapter 11

"Excuse me Madam." Lizzy looked up from her book to the maid who had addressed her. "There's a phone call for you, Emilly Rawdon."

"Thankyou, I'll take it in my room."

The maid smiled and Lizzy went upstairs.

She picked up the receiver. "Em?"

"Hi sweetheart."

"Hi."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, it's just..." She couldn't help grinning. "Oh Em! He's here, Will's here!"

"In the inn?"

"No! His house is just a few miles away."

"I'm guessing from the lack of hysterical crying that things are going well."

Lizzy giggled. That's a good sign, Thought Emily, Haven't heard that in a while.

"Things are going well, we're going over for dinner tonight."

"We? You're going with Auntie Maddie and Uncle Jack?"

"Yes, he likes them."

"Not as much as he likes you."

Lizzy giggled again. "Actually, to fair he loves me."

Emily gasped. "He said that?"

"Uh huh."

"Remind me why your taking chaperones."

"He invited them!" She sombered. "Anyway, I might need their support. Georgi's going to be there."

"Ah, that could be awkward. How well do you know her?"

"Hardly at all, but she might be weird. Apparently she thinks I'm going to hate her for what happened between her and George."

"Well, good luck angelface. Call me tommorrow and let me know how it went."

"Ok, bye."

Lizzy hung up and checked the clock. Three hours to go.

After much deliberation, Lizzy had finally chosen a knee length black skirt and white fitted top with a black jacket. She studied herself one last time in the rear view mirror and got out of the
car.

Her aunt reached out and took her arm as they walked inside.

Will greeted them in the hall, with Charles and his sister , Caroline, and led them into the lounge.

"Mr and Mrs Gardiner," he shook their hands. "These are some friends of mine, Charles and Caroline."

Charles immediately engaged them in conversation. They had been briefed my Lizzy on the situation between him and Jane, and responded accordingly to his enquiries about the Bennet Family.

Will was therefore left free to talk to Lizzy. He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently. She felt the warmth spread from her fingers through the rest of her body.

"Hi."She breathed.

He smiled slightly. "Hi."

Suddenly the spell broke and remembered his manners. "Forgive me, I've not offered you a drink."

After that, they sat together, conversing lightly, until Lizzy realised why she'd been so nervous in the first place. "Where is Georgi."

Will shifted slightly. "She's in the music room."

"May I go and talk to her?"

He looked unsure. "Can I come with you?"

Lizzy laughed. "Of course, it's your house."

He took her hand and lead out of the room.

"Lizzy..."

She looked at him. "What?"

"Be gently with her ok? She's still upset."

She shook her head. "What did you think I was going to do, lecture her on her stupidity."

"No, But..."

"It's ok, I get it."

He slowly opened the large wooden door. Geori was sitting at the piano, playing a light, but somber tune. Her face spoke volumes about her inner turmoil.

Lizzy slowly walked towards her, Will close behind.

Georgi didn't look up, but carried on playing, engrossed.

Lizzy noticed the gleming white bandages peeping out from under her jacket at the wrists and the slight tremor in her fingers.

When they had reached the piano, Georgi finally noticed them. She looked at Lizzy in sheer horror and fear.

Slowly, Lizzy took off her jacket and handed to Will. She rolled up her sleeves and reached out to georgi, palms up, to display the jagged network of scars etched on her wrists, some old, some new, each telling it's own story of heartache and pain.

Georgi stared in disbelief. Then, meeting her eyes, she slid up her sleeves and unrolled the bandages to reveal several deep gashes running up and down her arms.

Will stood paralysed with shock.

Simulteneously, both women reached out and enveloped the other in an embrace of comfort and understanding.

Chapter 12

Posted on Saturday, 31 March 2001, at 5:04 p.m.

My God, what was I drinking last night? Was the first thing George Wickham thought when he tried to open his eyes. He slowly rolled his head back across the pillow and streched his legs out.

He stopped when he knocked into something warm and soft, which grunted and rolled over.

Gingerly he opened his eyes and found himself staring at the moderate looking brunette draped across the bed beside him. There were smears of lipstick around her mouth, and probably his too and the whole room of cheap perfume.

He painfully moved his head to find out where he was. The room was smallish, with little furniture. It was messy and dark, very dark. She must be one of his, but he didn't recognise her.

As he made to leave quietly, but as soon as he moved she grunted again and woke up.

"Morning Sweetie." She was not one of his, they new better. He was sure he would remember her name in a minute, she looked vaguely famillar, but he couldn't place her.

He turned on the charm. "Hi there gorgeous."

"Good night?"

"You bet."

"Bet you and Lizzy never did that."

Oh yeah, Lizzy's little sister, Lindsey...Linda...Lydia!

"No. Anyway Sweetheart, I have to go now." She looked disappionted, it unsettled him. "We can meet up tonight though."

She smiled again. "Ok."

He got up and searched for his cloths.

"You'll have to go out the window, Harriet's parents are downstairs."

She got up to see him out. "See you tonight."

He nodded. Impulsively he reached out and pulled her into an embrace.

He finally pulled away. Turning from her, he climbed out the window and scrambled the wall, an art he was well practised in.

Dear Jane,

Just a quick note to let you know I'm ok. Sorry I haven't phoned, I've been a bit tied up. Will decided he wanted to get "back to basics" and organised a camping trip. So here we are in the middle of nowhere me, the man I love, Georgi, some friends and a few choice
servants (Will's idea of basic differs slightly from your average Joe).

I would've phoned to let you know but it was all a bit last minute. Will assures me that this message will get to you, via this servant who, apprently, we can just about spare for a day while he goes to post a letter(!) Dear Will, he really does have no idea.

Anyway, keep smiling. Wish me luck!

Love Lizzy.

"Haven't you finished that yet?"

Lizzy stuck her tongue at him. "Just."

Will took the letter and handed to the servant. "I'm not sure why I let you do that. We're supposed to be getting back to nature, that means no human contact."

Lizzy pointedly swept her eys across the scene around them.

He blushed. "Well, apart from the essentials. Come on, breakfast's ready."

He helped her up and together they walked to the campfire.

During breakfast thay decided to go hiking up to Haden's point.

"It was a favourite spot of my fathers." Will explained. "And I've always wanted to see it."

In a flash Lizzy thougth of her own father. Perhaps I should have called him, it's been months since we spoke. But she couldn't, it hurt too much.

She was vaguely aware of other people going to get ready, and Will touching her shoulder in question. Absentmindly, she draped her hand across the log she was sitting on, and pulled it back quickly as she felt a stab of pain. Will gently took her hand and turned over, revealing a small gash across her palm. He wiped away the blood with a tissue and gently kissed the cut. He got the first aid kit and covered with a plaster.

He turned his attention to her wrists and gently traced the scars with his thumbs. She looked at him, but he refused to meet her eye.

"Why?" His was soft but determined.

"Why did I slit my wrists?"

"Why did you do any of it? Why did you put us through that?" His finally looked up, his eyes pleading and hollow.

Suddenly she was angry. She snatched back her hand and stood up. "Do you have to bring this up now? Can't it wait?" She the tears with the back of her hand.

He looked at her for a long moment. "No. It's not going to work this time. You aren't going to put me off. Tell me Lizzy, you owe it to me."

Blind rage overcame her senses. Before she could think she'd blurted out, "It was you, I did it for you. I wanted you to notice me, to like me. You were only interested in the skinny girls, you would never have wanted me." Utter fabrication, she'd barely even known him when she'd first become anorexic.

She turned around to gauge his reaction, expecting remorse and shame. The sheer lack of emotion in his eyes hit like a fire hose.

"You're lying." He said simply, shaking his head. "When you're ready to grow up and face your pain, let me know."

Her heart was screaming, Wait! I'm ready to tell you now! Don't leave me! Yet there was still a huge part of her that couldn't let go of the privacy and security she had held so long.

The walk to Haden's point had been challenging for everyone, not least because of Will's apparent desire to outstrip the group, and Lizzy's to be left as far behind as possible. When eventually they did reach their target, scarcely a temper was left unfrayed.

Lizzy knew full well she had held the group up, and irritated everyone by openly refusing to eat anything. Even then, Will hadn't said a word to her, even to tell her what a bitch she was.

When they reached the top she suddenly lay down out of weakness. Everyone was by her side, even Charles, whom she had pointedly ignored the whole time. Everyone except Will, who stood aloof, waiting for confirmation she was ok.

After being forced to eat, she insisted on walking right to the edge of the cliff. No one followed her, sensing her need to be alone.

The view was amazing, but all she could see was the drop beneath her. She wondered what it would feel like to fall down it.

An image of Will scrambling down the rocks after her, desparate to save her,

of him crying by her side in the ambulance

of the doctor telling him he couldn't save her

of him trying to explian to her family

of him speaking at her funeral, saying how much he'd loved her.

Bound onwards by an ungovernable force, she inched closer to the edge and prepared herself.

Chapter 11

Posted on Monday, 1 July 2002, at 3:17 p.m.

"Excuse me Madam." Lizzy looked up from her book to the maid who had addressed her. "There's a phone call for you, Emily Rawdon."

"Thankyou, I'll take it in my room."

The maid smiled and Lizzy went upstairs and picked up the receiver. "Em?"

"Hi sweetheart. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, it's just..." She couldn't help grinning. "Oh Em! He's here, Will's here!"

"In the inn?"

"No! His house is just a few miles away."

"I'm guessing from the lack of hysterical crying that things are going well."

Lizzy giggled. That's a good sign, thought Emily, Haven't heard that in a while.

"Things are going well, we're going over for dinner tonight."

"We? You're going with Auntie Maddie and Uncle Jack?"

"Yes, he likes them."

"Not as much as he likes you."

Lizzy giggled again. "Actually, to be fair he loves me."

Emily gasped. "He said that? Remind me why you're taking chaperones."

"He invited them!" She sobered. "Anyway, I might need their support. Georgie's going to be there."

"Ah, that could be awkward. How well do you know her?"

"Hardly at all, but she might be weird. Apparently she thinks I'm going to hate her for what happened between her and George."

"Well, good luck. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it went."

"Ok, bye."

Lizzy hung up and checked the clock. Three hours to go.

----------------------------

After much deliberation, Lizzy had finally chosen a knee length black skirt and white fitted top with a black jacket. She studied herself one last time in the rear view mirror and got out of the car. Her aunt reached out and took her arm as they walked inside.

Will greeted them in the hall, with Charles and his sister Caroline, and led them into the lounge.

"Mr and Mrs Gardiner," he shook their hands. "These are some friends of mine, Charles and Caroline."

Charles immediately engaged them in conversation. They had been briefed by Lizzy on the situation between him and Jane, and responded accordingly to his enquiries about the Bennet Family.

Will was therefore left free to talk to Lizzy. He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently. She felt the warmth spread from her fingers through the rest of her body.

"Hi." She breathed.

He smiled slightly. "Hi."

Suddenly the spell broke and Will remembered his manners. "Forgive me, I haven't offered you a drink."

After that, they sat together, conversing lightly, until Lizzy realised why she'd been so nervous in the first place. "Where's Georgie?"

Will shifted slightly. "She's in the music room."

"May I go and talk to her?"

He looked unsure. "Can I come with you?"

Lizzy laughed. "Of course, it's your house."

He took her hand and lead out of the room.

"Lizzy..."

She looked at him. "What?"

"Be gently with her ok? She's still upset."

"What do you think I'm going to do, lecture her on her stupidity."

"No, But..."

"It's ok, I get it."

He slowly opened the large wooden door. Georgie, was sitting at the piano, playing a light, but somber tune. Her face spoke volumes about her inner turmoil.

Lizzy slowly walked towards her, Will close behind.

Georgi didn't look up, but carried on playing, engrossed.

Lizzy noticed the gleaming white bandages peeping out from under her jacket at the wrists and the slight tremor in her fingers.

When they had reached the piano, Georgie finally noticed them. She looked at Lizzy, tears in her eyes.

Slowly, Lizzy took off her jacket and handed to Will. She rolled up her sleeves and reached out to Georgi, palms up, to display the jagged network of scars etched on her wrists, some old, some new, each telling it's own story of heartache and pain.

Georgi stared in disbelief. Then, meeting her eyes, she slid up her sleeves and unrolled the bandages to reveal several deep gashes running up and down her arms.

Will stood paralyzed with shock.

Simultaneously, Lizzy and Georgi reached out and enveloped each other in an embrace of comfort and understanding.

Chapter 12

My G-d, what was I drinking last night? Was the first thing George Wickham thought when he tried to open his eyes. He slowly rolled his head back across the pillow and stretched his legs out. He stopped when he knocked into something warm and soft, which grunted and rolled over.

Gingerly he opened his eyes and found himself staring at the moderate looking brunette draped across the bed beside him. There were smears of lipstick around her mouth, and probably his too, and the whole room stank of cheap perfume.

He painfully moved his head to find out where he was. The room was smallish, with little furniture. It was messy and dark, very dark. She must be one of his, but he didn't recognize her. As he made to leave quietly, but as soon as he moved she grunted again and woke up.

"Morning Sweetie." She was not one of his, they new better. He was sure he would remember her name in a minute, she looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place her.

He turned on the charm. "Hi there gorgeous."

"Good night?"

"You bet."

"Bet you and Lizzy never did that."

Oh yeah, Lizzy's little sister, Lindsey...Linda...Lydia!

"No. Anyway Sweetheart, I have to go now." She looked disappointed, it unsettled him. "We can meet up tonight though."

She smiled again. "Ok."

He got up and searched for his cloths.

"You'll have to go out the window, Harriet's parents are downstairs."

She got up to see him out. "See you tonight."

He nodded. Impulsively he reached out and pulled her into an embrace.

He finally pulled away. Turning from her, he climbed out the window and scrambled the wall, an art he was well practiced in.

---------------------------------------

Dear Jane,
Just a quick note to let you know I'm ok. Sorry I haven't phoned, I've been a bit tied up. Will decided he wanted to get "back to basics" and organised a camping trip. So here we are in the middle of nowhere me, the man I love, Georgie, some friends and a few choice servants (Will's idea of basic differs slightly from your average Joe).
I would've phoned to let you know but it was all a bit last minute. Will assures me that this message will get to you, via this servant who we can just about spare for a day while he goes to post a letter. Dear Will, he really does have no idea.
Wish me luck!
Love Lizzy.

"Haven't you finished that yet?"

Lizzy stuck her tongue at him. "Just."

Will took the letter and handed to the servant. "I'm not sure why I let you do that. We're supposed to be getting back to nature, that means no human contact."

Lizzy pointedly swept her eyes across the scene around them.

He blushed. "Well, apart from the essentials. Come on, breakfast's ready."

He helped her up and together they walked to the campfire.

During breakfast they decided to go hiking up to Haden's point.

"It was a favourite spot of my fathers." Will explained. "And I've always wanted you to see it."

In a flash Lizzy thougth of her own father. Perhaps I should have called him, it's been weeks since we spoke. But she couldn't, it hurt too much.

She was vaguely aware of other people going to get ready, and Will touching her shoulder in question. Absentmindedly, she draped her hand across the log she was sitting on, and pulled it back quickly as she felt a stab of pain. Will gently took her hand and turned over, revealing a small gash across her palm. He wiped away the blood with a tissue and gently kissed the cut. He got the first aid kit and covered with a plaster.

He turned his attention to her wrists and gently traced the scars with his thumbs. She looked at him, but he refused to meet her eye.

"Why?" His was soft but determined.

"Why did I slit my wrists?"

"Why did you do any of it? Why did you put us through that?" His finally looked up, his eyes pleading and hollow.

Suddenly she was angry. She snatched back her hand and stood up. "Do you have to bring this up now? Can't it wait?" She the tears with the back of her hand.

He looked at her for a long moment. "No. It's not going to work this time. You aren't going to put me off. Tell me Lizzy, you owe it to me."

Blind rage overcame her senses. Before she could think she'd blurted out, "It was you, I did it for you. I wanted you to notice me, to like me. You were only interested in the skinny girls, you would never have wanted me." Utter fabrication, she'd barely even known him when she'd first become anorexic. She turned around to gauge his reaction, expecting remorse and shame. The sheer lack of emotion in his eyes hit like a fire hose.

"You're lying." He said simply, shaking his head. "When you're ready to grow up and face your pain, let me know."

Her heart was screaming, Wait! I'm ready to tell you now! Don't leave me! Yet there was still a huge part of her that couldn't let go of the privacy and security she had held so long.

-----------------------------------

The walk to Haden's point had been challenging for everyone, not least because of Will's apparent desire to outstrip the group, and Lizzy's to be left as far behind as possible. When eventually they did reach their target, scarcely a temper was left unfrayed.

Lizzy knew full well she had held the group up, and irritated everyone by openly refusing to eat anything. Even then, Will hadn't said a word to her, even to tell her what a bitch she was.

When they reached the top she suddenly lay down out of weakness. Everyone was by her side, everyone except Will, who stood aloof, waiting for confirmation she was ok. Charles lifted her into a sitting position and Georgie brought her some food.

After being forced to eat, Lizzy insisted on walking right to the edge of the cliff. No one followed her, sensing her need to be alone (apart from being thoroughly sick of her).

The view was amazing, but all she could see was the drop beneath her. She wondered what it would feel like to fall down it.

An image of Will scrambling down the rocks after her, desparate to save her,
of him crying by her side in the ambulance
of the doctor telling him he couldn't save her
of him trying to explain to her family
of him speaking at her funeral, saying how much he'd loved her.

Bound onwards by an ungovernable force, she inched closer to the edge and prepared herself.

Chapter 13

George Wickham rolled over again in bed and rearranged the pillows for the fourth time in the hour. He had given up trying to sleep and was now concentrating on trying to think out his problem: He didn't like the way Lydia was making him feel. For some strange reason we felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

He kicked the covers off in frustration and stumbled over to the window. But the view of the battered garden with its rusty dustbins and unkempt flowerbeds held no answers, so he turned away.

He shuffled back to bed and reached the bottom drawer and gently picked out a single photograph from the collection of memorabilia. He smiled even now when he saw her picture, and thought of how much he'd loved her, Sinead.

He preferred having her picture anyway, because now he felt as though he owned her as he never really had during her life. She'd always been too busy chasing after Will.

He suddenly found himself comparing her to Lydia. It was strange how totally different they were.

Sinead's hair was straight, blonde and shaped in a stylish bob which framed her face; while Lydia had a dark explosion of springy curls which fell below her shoulders when released. Sinead skin was pale and flawless and constantly made up; but Lydia's skin was tanned and dashed with the imperfections of youth.

They also behaved totally differently; Sinead was pleasant and friendly but was constantly putting on an act. In some strange way he respected her for being able to deceive people so utterly, it took great strength of character, but it had frustrated him that he could never reach her. He smiled as he realized how much he empathized with Will.

He replaced the photo and lay back on the pillows. He laughed gently as he thought about the photo session the previous week. There was certainly nothing fake about Lydia.

----------------------------

Will paced between the dwindling fire and his nearby tent, kicking the dust in frustration. He glanced about him, searching for a diversion, but the campsite was silent, as even the servants had gone to bed.

He wondered briefly what time it was, and whether it was too late to wake Lizzy, just to reassure himself she was all right. He had seen her on the cliff edge and known what she was about to do. Thinking about it terrified and angered him in equal measures. Could she really be that unstable to go from being absolutely fine to suicidal in a matter of hours? What kind of future did they have if she was?

His mind drift back five years to Sinead. Could he really put himself through that again? He hadn't even loved Sinead, but what had happened destroyed him.

Lizzy watched him from the safety of her tent, trying to decide what she would tell him. She was jolted out of her thoughts by a bleary-eyed servant, who said there was an urgent call on her mobile, which had been secretly smuggled from the hotel.

She took the phone and thanked the servant.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sexy."

Lizzy froze and glanced at Will, then at Georgi. "What do you want George?"

"Just to see how you are."

"Well, I'm much better now I know the truth about you and Will."

"Good to hear. I thought you should know."

She shook with fear. "No George, I mean the real truth."

He was silent so long she thought he'd fainted. Eventually he replied. "Oh well, never mind. Luckily I've got a back up plan."

"I bet you have." She hung up the phone.

A second later it rang again.

"What?"

George snickered. "Just thought you'd like to know what I'm going to do, seeing as you can't stop it."

Lizzy hoped her curiosity didn't show in her voice. "Go on then"

"I'm going to get Lydia."

The line went dead.

Lizzy stared at her phone for a horrified moment, then typed out a text message:

Cheap shot Wickham. You can't get to her, she's too well protected.

A second later the reply came back:

Maybe you're right, hope you like my present

Her hand shook as she erased the message and turned the phone off.

Eight sleepless hours later she got his present.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Where did you get these?" Will asked carefully as he turned the photos over in his hands.

"The servant that took Jane's note brought them backed. The envelope was marked urgent."

Will threw them into the dust. "Damn you George Wickham." Then it hit him. "Lizzy that servant came back yesterday morning. Why didn't you tell me before?"

She turned away from him, her cheeks burning.

"Lizzy you have to tell me about things like this!" Bad choice of words

She turned back, rage burning in her eyes. "I don't have to tell you anything. Just because you profess your undying love for someone doesn't make them yours." She picked her bag and stormed off into the wood.

Will shook his head. "Dear God I will never understand that woman."

---