Frustration and Forgiveness
(No 1)

By U Saent-Jean

Blurb: Beware of the strong sentiments of frustration igniting Mr Darcy's unseemly reactions to Elizabeth's rejection of his proposals in Hunsford.

`From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.'

`You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.'

Mr Darcy's last words may have given the impression of the appeasement of his turmoil, of his rage and frustration, if one only does not know better his passionate and loving nature, or the strength of his affection for that matter. On the exterior he might have seemed put back in his right place to someone so little qualified of reading his true character as Elizabeth proved thoroughly to be throughout their interactions since the providence had thrown them together.

As usually Miss Elizabeth Bennet was rejoicing in her own power over the unfortunate gentleman and on her success of ever making him accepting his defeat in whatever confrontation or debate they had had all over their time together.

He turned his back to the only momentarily distressed young lady with the evident intention of leaving as quickly as possible her premises, but when touching the knob of the door, the coolness of the metal sent an icy shivering all over his tormented body, easing in a hardly believable manner the tension which till then impeded his mind to proper react to the accusations spewed venomously to him by the object of his never dying love. A mischievous smile graced his lips when he faced once again a bewildered Elizabeth with the obvious desire of prolonging the meeting even though he was the party who had expressed verbally their united wish of terminating it just moments before.

`The last man in the world, you said? Like you could marry even Mr Collins if he was still available; -- then why, perchance you would enlighten me, Madam, did you not accept his offer when he made it?' With every word some sort of dubious mirth was refreshing Mr Darcy's mood.

`What? How dare you, Sir, addressing me such offensive question? How on earth would you, of all people, be private of such insights into my life?' Elizabeth's anger reached by now paroxysmal heights, suddenly she caught her breath realising her fervent searching around her for the most appropriate object in the room to be thrown at Mr Darcy with the single scope of wiping out that teasing smile off his face.

`Well, Madam, any action has to have its reaction; or should I better say every reaction has to have its counter-reaction; you have been offensive in your actions to me, I feel free to retaliate, as you labelled me already, I am no gentleman, remember, the last man on earth, the ultimate scum! - Let me see, I will try then to answer to your question, first try, my fundament for my extravagant knowledge of your notions could be the irresistible ranting of your most discrete and well-mannered mother, or second try, the sycophantic discourse of your most intelligent and modest cousin, Mr Collins, expressing his disdain against your gracious refusal of marrying to him towards his attentive and supportive patroness, who happen to be my overprotective aunt. Should I digress more on such juicy subject or should I follow my next pursuit?'

Elizabeth was momentarily fuming over her impotent position of being now the victim of the same type of reprimands as she had graced him just before while destroying step by step his proposal of marriage, and thus being in impossibility to reply to such unexpected attacks.

Seeing her at a loss for words, Mr Darcy took the stage completely,

`I beg your pardon, Madam, for referring erroneously or ironically to the poor Mr Collins who definitely must console himself in sharing my shameful position at the bottom of your sensible list of possible prospects of marriage for your most precious self. For sure, according to your own objective evaluation and your vehement declarations bluntly expressed in by now several occasions, I should have spoken firstly or perhaps only of Mr Wickham, who even I can devise presently that is occupying the first position in your dreams of happy matrimony. Tell me now and here that you love him and I will make the necessary arrangements for a substantial 10,000 pounds dowry in your name to satisfy even his insatiable hunger for money. Oh! But even if you assure me in that, I cannot in good faith let you waste yourself with such a gamester and drunkard, as I am quite sure that all the money in the world would not be sufficient to cover his dissoluteness and profligacy. Let me calculate a little, if he had made vanish 4000 pounds, which I have given him as a requested by him price or compensation for his renouncing in writing at his claims over the Kympton parsonage left to him in my blessed father's will, that is, all vanishing in only two years, then I can easily state your 10,000 pounds should be sufficient for five years of blissful life for you with a husband mostly inclined for a night bird life, thus frequenting the most disgraceful places on earth. But maybe you think that you are capable of administering such a sum with your own wit and good sense, then perhaps I should give you the right of supporting his two offspring coming out of some of his illegitimate bonds of love with a scullery maid of Pemberley and with a tradesman's daughter in Cambridge, whom since birth had been under my care and tutelage, together with their respective ruined mothers. I sense that might be a fair arrangement, what have you to say, Miss Bennet?'

A dreadful silence was now pervading between the two adversaries, as Elizabeth was now seated on the edge of a loveseat with a look of plastered incredulity and stupor on her lovely traits, being quite impossible to guess which provoked mainly such a posture, the inconceivable manner of speech of Mr Darcy or the shared intelligence about her disgraced favourite.

`Seeing you thus uncertain as to which course of action you might take, I believe that based on my long standing experience with him I could decide on your place, if you do not consider me too presumptuous, and state that such a scheme is rather not feasible, as now I understand finally why he has taken such an interest in you, pardon me again, Madam, knowing that your lack of fortune is a strong incentive for him not to envisage in a good light the prospect of marrying you - then his motives can be easily dissembled as being only connected with me again. He is sharp enough and knows me from a lifetime together, that is why I am more than sure that he saw my hidden interest in you, my mute longing of being with you, near you, my desire of admiring you for all the rest of my life. Yes, that is a strong incentive of embittering you against me, -- sweet revenge, -- but I am sure that his lustful self was also pleased with your preference for him, and sooner or later rest assured, Madam, that he would have tried to ensnare or have you tricked in an irreligious action. You do not know him as I know him, even were you in possession of, say, 30,000 pounds as your fortune, you could not be safer from his arts and allurements, even less so than my fortunate sister Georgiana, presently rather unhappy and miserable, as you, Madam, do not have something like a strong protector as my sister has in me and Colonel Fitzwilliam.'

At that peculiar moment a loud cry escaped from Elizabeth, making Mr Darcy to stop his narrative,

`Oh! No! My goodness, Mr Darcy, Sir, please tell me it is not true, that I think now to be, not Miss Darcy!' and Miss Elizabeth Bennet covered in shame her face with her delicate hands and started lightly at the beginning and continued thereafter more desperately and uncontrollably sobbing and trembling out of her wits. Quick release, quick ending! Such a weakness was not there to stay longer with her. After some interval Mr Darcy continued unrelentingly.

`Please forgive me, Miss Bennet, for the pain I am unable to spare you, but that is painfully true, my sister has been by deceitful and cruel designs made to think herself in love with your Mr Wickham, last summer, in Ramsgate, when she was but fifteen, which must be her excuse, and persuaded to an elopement as her guardians definitely would have protected her against such an unfortunate and disastrous liaison. By chance I have been able to prevent the scheme, arriving on the spot only two days prior the planned date of mischief and Georgiana out of her unlimited love for me as a brother could not do otherwise than confessing the entire scheme. Now you would better comprehend certain non genteel attitudes of mine during my last autumn stay in Hertfordshire, as you can see by yourself that my arrogance, and conceit, and selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were in fact my distaste in partaking the amusements when my heart and mind were clouded by such bitterness and unhappiness. In that frame of mind any company would have been considered not tolerable enough to tempt me for enjoying life with its simple pleasures.'

`I am so sorry, Mr Darcy, I believe I was so blind. Till now I never knew myself, but vanity has been my folly, not love. Nevertheless you seemed then so proud, so distant, how should I believe you otherwise than his depicting you, when all our time together I thought you staring at me for finding fault. Damn your aloofness, curse your own reticence in leaving others to see your true self, do not blame me for your own faults, Mr Darcy, for I have lots of mine to care for.' Elizabeth started her present reply in a soft voice, but her final line was fairly again in her strong and impudent manner, as she had warned him in the past that any attacks against her would not frighten her away, but would raise her courage to confront any thing and any body! As such it was not possible to initiate Mr Darcy's peace of mind, more so to make him stop his intemperate disposition, resulting only in the recollection of another issue accusing him of doing wrong to her dearest sister and Bingley.

`Now I am guilty of being shy and withdrawn, of keeping my own counsel and not letting into open my intimate troubles, you would have me now behaving myself like a brainless ninny and whine all over explaining to anyone listening of my inner struggles, of my unhappiness. If you keep me in such poor estimation, what about your deprecating thus your own beloved sister by including both of us in the same league of the reticent and self-contained, being thus both viewed as undemonstrative and therefore thought-of unemotional. Madam, please make up your mind, either you consider me guilty of ruining your sister her happiness with my friend, or blame her of being too discreet and appearing indifferent, but both could not stand for further consideration.'

`That will not bring back my sister happiness and serene countenance, Sir, I still hold you responsible for their separation!' Elizabeth would not give up so easily, he wanted a fight he would have one.

`But, Elizabeth, I have just expressed myself before that I could not trace any sign displayed by your sister in revealing her affection to Bingley, whilst his was more than evident to all seeing them together, she smiled to him as she was smiling to any other human being approaching her, without any sort of discrimination. I have stared at your lovely figure relentlessly, not paying any heed to anything else when you were in my presence, though definitely making a fool of myself all around; and you were caught completely unaware by my confessing my love and admiration for you. Be reasonable, Madam!'

`Alright, Sir, I confess that with Mr Wickham I might have been in the wrong, even though it is hardly believable that you could invent such a story in a blink of an eye, but with Jane and Mr Bingley you are still blameable as my sister is so unhappy and rest assured that she is decidedly feeling deeply her loss. In that I am further inconsolable!'

Mr Darcy pondered for a while her passionate defence of her most loved sister and mused for some seconds what delight would be to be loved so forcibly by such a marvellous woman, thus deciding that he had to take advantage even from such a slight chance as that lying before him, and spoke on with unforced composure and calmness.

`Would you give me your assurance that your sister still loves my friend?'

`With all my power of persuasion, as just before your proposals I was perusing her last letter, and her feelings were permeating every line of it!'

`Then I can assure you also of his undying love for her, but what would you propose by it?'

`Well, I think it would be gentlemanly of you if you could persuade him of her continuous affection and advise him wisely to call on her again as soon as possible. She is still in London for another fortnight!'

`Elizabeth, you forget yourself quite easily, remember, my dear, that I am no gentleman, the ultimate scum, last man on earth, blah-blah, --'

`Definitely, you are so, as it is for the second time in a few minutes that you are addressing yourself to a lady with her given name without being in any way connected or engaged to her, but then what can anyone expect of it. Go on, Sir; continue to vex me though I do not see at all your purpose in doing so!'

`Do not you? But it is obvious, Madam, I am trying to close a deal here.'

`Do you mean, to conclude a bargain or a wager of some sort, oh, you mean creature! Then what do you wait for, Sir? Lay down your terms!'

`Firstly, I desire to assess something --' Mr Darcy trailed on in a way unsure of his designs.

`Well, what are you waiting for, or am I such a frightening adversary?'

`No, quite the contrary, you are most attractive one, I would never want to be apart of your enticing and charming person! But, no, that is not my line of work here, Elizabeth. I do not apologise for using this charming appellation as you are no more a lady, Elizabeth, as much as I am no gentleman. You do not deserve such attention, your association with a complete rake in the person of Wickham forbids you to call yourself a lady, you have associated with a rake, then you are a rake, beautiful rake, but still a rake. No doubt about that, -- and now a proposal of business from the ultimate scum to a mischievous rake.' Mr Darcy breathed deeply at that instant to gather all his courage to proceed further, either to his everlasting happiness, or to his never redeemable ruination.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth could not believe her ears, wondering who was that handsome and challenging man in front of her, loving her and admiring her so strongly as to dare so high stakes as she could not believe ever existing. Such a courage deserved her respect, his fight with such unconventional weapons for trying to change her opinion of him in matter of minutes, daring to lose everything in order to obtain whatever he thought attainable by that, to risk his position and status only to reach her approbation and, she could not restrain her thinking, perhaps affection, well, that was worth of her admiration and respect!

`Elizabeth, for the happiness of your most beloved sister, for the completion of her greatest love, my dear, are you ready to do whatever it would be required of you in order to secure her well-being?'

`Absolutely!' she answered without thinking with the strongest of wills, for sure confused and charmed by the way he was pronouncing her name, it was something so new and unexpected in the pleasure it gave her, that she was not paying any consideration to what she agreed upon.

`You know I can bring Bingley to your Jane, even now after so many months of separation, and I can convince him of her love as much as he would propose to her just before dismounting his horse, do you?'

`Could you do that?' asked she quite unsure.

`Absolutely, my dear, I can vouch for that!'

`Then do it!' she rushed her way toward him.

`Just like that, you are so keen to close the bargain without knowing what am I to ask from you, are you not?'

`Am I? Whatever would you wish of me, Sir?'

`Come now, Elizabeth, you know I wish everything from you. For God's sake, I love you, remember, and I want you to be mine whatever it will take to reach that goal!'

`But, I do not love you, Sir, well, I do not hate you like before your explanations, I guess I do not dislike you so strongly anymore, but then, Mr Darcy, even you could not believe possible for me to fall in love with you on such a short notice. That is hopeless, Sir, I am sorry to disappoint you!'

`That should not be a problem for my designs with you, Madam, you have to be mine and only mine, otherwise there is no deal!'

`Oh, eh, do correct me if I am in the wrong, you want of me to become your mistress, Sir, in exchange of my sister happiness?'

`I believe so, as you left me with no alternative after refusing my suit so vehemently; remember, I am no gentleman, I am proud, vain, inconsiderate of the feelings of others, should not be such a surprise at all. My pride and my vanity would never allow me to propose marriage to the same woman twice! I speak feelingly as this is your estimation of me.'

`Oh! I see. But, Sir, if I accept, I shall make your life a living hell!'

`And if you do not accept, it will be another kind of hell! As I could not live without you, then be it, hell for hell! I do not have anything to lose!'

Elizabeth was completely knotted down, incapable of freeing herself from his intricate entanglement, unable to avert her sight from the depth of his dark eyes, expressing so evidently such a love and adoration that made him to throw away all rules of propriety and genteel behaviour only to have her, the poor daughter of a small landed gentleman, this man never ceased to confuse her, finally she wondered if a lifetime together would make her privy to his real nature.

`It will not do, Sir, even for the sake of my beloved Jane I could and I would never do it. My body and my soul are not for sale, irrespective the price. Again you have humbled me and taught me a lesson; I can assure you, Sir, that from this moment on I shall never exaggerate the use of my words.'

`I could not agree more with you, Elizabeth, the absolute is a utopia, all is relative to certain terms and conditions; believe me, my dear, when I declare now to you that I will do everything in my power to obtain your love willingly bestowed on me as on equal footing with my affection for you, that I will employ any arts and allurements for ensnaring you to fall in love with me, rest assured, Madam, that I will keep on asking for your hand in marriage until you will accept it with pleasure!'

`Mr Darcy, you tricked me, Sir, have you not been serious just before in your rakish proposals presented to me?'

`Miss Bennet, how could I be serious with such a disgrace, when I am the guardian of a young lady, how could I in good faith propose irreligious schemes to another young lady, whom I consider besides my sister as the most precious for me in the whole world? I was teasing you, Madam, do you not think it was but time to have a reaction from my part as a response to your continuous teasing and joking about and at me?'

At this moment Mr Darcy smiled longingly towards Elizabeth, and she reacted spontaneously with a most charming smile of her own.

`But, getting back to our business, how could you believe that you would make your escape so easily by becoming my mistress, I thought you more capable than that, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, the one never ever retreating in front of the hardships, is it not so?'

`Now, Sir, you have me extremely befuddled. What could you ask more than that of me? Would you be so kind to assign a meaning to the aforementioned for my demystifying?'

`Well, most enchanting lady of my acquaintance, what could be infinitely more difficult of achieving by your daring self besides simply becoming a wealthy gentleman's mistress, because you have to know that there is a marvellous thing which I desperately desire getting from you?'

Still, Elizabeth was at a loss of guessing his wishes and asked further,

`If you think it so hard of attaining it, how do you believe me apt to reach such a marvel? After such a disastrous meeting as we definitely have had the present day I think your estimation of my worth has been mitigated to the point of non existing. I am sorry for the umpteenth time, but it seems that I am incapable of getting to your meaning one more time!'

`Well then, to put it quite bluntly, I want you to fall in love with me, to make every effort, to conquer any struggle for knowing me as my real self, to cherish me as I cherish you, to love me as I love you, to need me as much as I need you, and finally to accept my hand in marriage! Nothing less will do if you look forward to your sister happiness; you have to consider my happiness also, as well as, I am more than confident, yours! You can rest assured, my dear, of my complete assistance and help in this quite trying endeavour; I will use all the open devices and actions in helping you discover my worth, but, as I have warned you just before, I would employ also the most unexpected and scandalous arts and stratagems in convincing you of my affect on you --'

`Stop, Sir, again you try to obviously manipulate me in agreeing with one of your subversive schemes, but firstly, you must explain what sorts of scandalous arts and allurements you would effecting on my poor self and why those have to be so unexpected?'

`No, no, no! This time all will be most seriously done. Allow me, Madam!'

Mr Darcy closed the distance between them and taking her hand in his spoke with a tinge of solemnity,

`Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would you accommodate my wish of officially and openly permitting me to court you with the scope of the holy matrimony, of course after your most favoured agreement I will hurry to obtain your father's approval, and then only we should start anew our courtship! Allow me to reassure you that my honour will forbid me to wait until your falling in love with me in order to begin my work for bringing happily together Mr Bingley and Miss Bennet, with haste and solicitude I will disclose to Bingley my wrong doings against his and his beloved happiness, and subsequently ask for his forgiveness, therefore I am confident of a happy ending for them, which I wish it with all my heart happening to us equally!'

Of all the things Elizabeth would have thought Mr Darcy right now apt to, the one disclosing before her was the last one which would grace her imagination, the strong personality interacting with her there was most fascinating, the intricacies of his mind were amazing her with every new second spent together, the force of his sentiments overwhelmed her heart with such a warm energy that with maximum of efforts she tried to keep at least her brain untouched, but that was harder and harder. Still, she had to interrogate him further with her non answered question.

`Sir, first, my last question has to be clarified, as to what arts and stratagems did you allude in your discourse. Answer this before I will give you my acceptance, if you please, Mr Darcy!'

`Indeed, I see that you quite insist to have a sample of my hidden facets, so be it. Since we did not clear yet our labels as ultimate scum and dissolute rake, I sincerely wish your sensible nature will not blame me completely after my next action!'

Thus saying, Mr Darcy caressed her forehead gently with the back of his hand and slowly not to frighten her he continued on her cheek and down to her chin in the same time forcing her up to look into his deep dark eyes. Finally he touched her delicate lips as lightly as a feather, feeling her trembling with infinite pleasure. Elizabeth, like hypnotised, could not move, of course, she knew that she had to distance herself from this closeness, even though after such action she should have to slap him in his face, but she could not control her limbs any longer in order to forcefully punish him for such liberties. Since his caresses were bringing a strange and intense emotion over her being she was unable to oppose his future actions which seemed to aim smoothly and steadily to the first kiss of her life. When it happened, her muddled thoughts exasperated her even more: “What is this sweet pleasure spreading through my veins? Where are my dislike and my hate towards this insufferable man, when I most assuredly need them? How could I ever refuse anything to such a handsome and loving man?”

And so on, till she and he forgot of their whereabouts and any exterior noises faded away, well, of course, until the door was opened unceremoniously by no other than Mr Collins, as being so eager of conveying Lady Catherine's displeasures towards his cousin, he forgot himself and most impolitely entered before the two ladies accompanying him in the last room where he would have been expected or welcomed from the entire world, even though it was his own house.

`Mr Darcy! Cousin Elizabeth!? - Pray accept my apologies, Sir, for the intrusion --' and his last words were unheard by the two now very distressed personages caught in such a compromising posture, as Mr Collins ran hastily out of the room rudely pushing Mrs Collins and Miss Lucas out of his way. At least he did not forget to close the infamous door after him.

First to recompose herself, Elizabeth looked disconcerted and timidly at Mr Darcy who struggled to regain his poise for facing any future which would unveil its unpleasantness to them. After only a minute, her good humour prevailed while she addressed him mockingly,

`Such a pity, Sir, as much so for your most exquisite request of courting me openly, and when I think that I was so cleverly and promptly persuaded in accepting it without any unwillingness! Eh, such an ill luck, now we shall be forced into matrimony with alacrity! Oh, but I forget myself, that will be secured only if your sense of honour is as you have professed it to be just a while ago, it seems that I am most prone of for ever misjudging the facts, am I, Sir?'

`Er, what did you say, Elizabeth?' Mr Darcy was startled from his deep thoughts.

`Would you marry me now, Mr Darcy?' said she definitely annoyed now.

`Absolutely!' he answered with great energy.

`Absolutely?!' Repeated Elizabeth with a teasing tone again. `Come now, under such dreadful circumstances, Sir!?

`Absolutely, most absolutely!' and both burst into the wildest of laughter at his misuse of the superlative degree.

`Elizabeth, dearest, loveliest, do you realise what you have just done? You have asked my hand in marriage!'

`Well, Sir, you have left me no choice!'

What followed after that hasty enterprise of their marriage was in the main lines as it is known for centuries, quite characteristic for the most beautiful couple of all times, with small deviations only regarding some other important or less important characters of the classical story.

Well, but such insignificant alterations should pale compared with the above tempestuous revealing of sorts!

Frustrating, is it not?! I humbly beg for your forgiving!

The End (or not?!)

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