Some Kind of Wonderful

By Sania

Section I, Next Section

I

Posted on Friday, 4 August 2000, at 8 : 06 p.m.

The shelf had really never seemed so high before. Even her greatest reach on the very tips of her toes was wholly insufficient to place the box of cereal. For the moment at least Lizzy realized how diminutive her 5' 2" stature truly was. Then, there was a warm breath at her neck and she felt him beside her The box was lifted gently from her hand as Will's strong arm reached over and placed it there lightly.

"I though I told you to take it easy." He said to her as she continued to put away the groceries.

"And I though I told you that I'm fine," she said as he looked at her his features lined with disbelief, "I'm fine sweetie," she said as she patted his cheek, "so what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Actually I have a date tonight. So it's going to be just you and Georgie."

Oh "Oh....Alright...so who is the unfortunate victim pray tell?"

"This incredibly beautiful woman who works in my London office, she flew in for the week and she's letting me take her out to dinner."

"How benevolent of her."

"You're hysterical you know that," he said as pinched her cheek, "Now I don't want you to do anything, let Emelda make dinner alright."

"I can do some simple things around the house Will," she said with a smile. "I'm not a glass doll you know," she said as she sat down on the sofa.

"Not Glass, Porcelain." He said grinning despite the fact that her fist connected lightly with his stomach, "Remember...you're my responsibility." His arm gently draping about her shoulders, "besides you and Georgie are all I have left." The smile falling off his face. "You haven't forgotten about Sunday have you?"

"How could I?" she said sadly, "can you believe it's been 8 years already since the crash?"

"It doesn't really seem like that long ago," his brow crinkled as it did when he was deep in thought, then as if some tender recollection became apparent a small smile burst onto his face. "You know...sometimes I can still hear my mother's laugh, I'll be in the grocery store...or at work and I'll hear it and for a moment my heart sends me into momentary disbelief once more." The smile resurfaced once more. "And you know just yesteday I read about this new law they're passing in Wyoming that is just about the stupidest thing I've ever heard...and the first thing that popped into my head was, 'I must tell Uncle Tom about that when I get home'"

"Papa always loved to laugh at the absurd, You know he once said 'Laughing at the little absurdities of life makes the world go round. That's why I love your mother Lizzy, she makes me laugh,'" she shook her head chuckling at the memory, "They really did loved each other...and me," she said with a nostalgic smile.

"And has it really only been eight years that we've been together? It seems like so much longer" he said as he gave her thin shoulders a squeeze.

"You're telling me," she said as she leaned her head against his broad shoulder, his arm drawing her closer, "It seems like I've never known any home but Pemberley." She said as she looked up at his face- one so full of sincere warmth and honest devotion.

"Did you take your medication today?" he asked as he tilted her chin towards him.

"Yes, well...sort of...I still have to take the blue pills that Dr. Stevenson gave me."

"Elizabeth Bennet weren't you supposed to take that after lunch."

"I haven't eaten lunch yet." She said almost in a whisper.

"WHAT, Lizzy...it's 4 o clock!" he said as he checked his watch.

"I know, I know, I'm going to eat right now...it's just the chemo totally kills my appetite, even eating chocolate is like eating rubber."

"Come on I'll make you something."

"Will, you can't treat me like a child forever, I'm 23 years old you know. One of these days I'll have to grow up," she said as she hopped onto the stool by the counter.

"Well, I guess I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one, it's 4 o clock and you haven't eaten anything all day I just can't believe it." He said as he practically sputtered with indignation at the very thought.

"Will, did I ever tell you that you're more protective than any father could ever be, and quite frankly you could out cluck any mother of my acquaintance."

"I know aren't I just Amazing." He said as he draped on an apron and gave an elaborate bow.

"I'm just glad that I'm not your sister...poor Georgie is stuck with you forever."

"What? So let me understand this...after you grow up and meet your Prince Charming you're just going to abandon me?" he said with an exaggerated sigh as he punctuated his speech with a wave of his spatula.

my Prince Charming...if only you knew Will..

"Well technically I'll be abandoning you in the fall when I go back to school."

Will stopped with the spatula still in his hand, "you're not thinking about living in the dorm are you?"

"Well, I was considering it...and...."

"Lizzy, no way" he said as he abandoned the stove and approached her, "...if you don't want to drive I'll drive you myself every day...but the food there is so unhealthy, and it's too far from the hospital, and who will make sure you take your medications and..."

"Will I've already lost two whole years of my life due to this thing," she said as she motioned towards her body, "and now that I'm better I'm not about to live the rest of my life in fear."

"Well I will live the rest of my life in fear," he said as he came around and took her head between his two strong hands and brought his forehead to hers, "the fear of losing you."

"But aren't you sick of having me around all the time?" she asked as she reveled in the sensation of having him so near her.

"Yes, I'm terribly sick of living with one of the only two people I love in the world, I'm extraordinarily bored with the only woman who understands me, and I don't think I can live another minute by the side of my best friend on the face of this earth." He said as he held her close to him.

"I miss you and Georgie like crazy when I'm at school too..." her voice laden with emotion . "You know I'm going to be the oldest senior around next year...I can forget about dating," then as she sadly touched her thin arms, "as if anyone would even ask me now," she finished softly.

"I still think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" he said with a smile as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Well, someday," she swallowed thickly, "you'll find a girl who you think is far more beautiful than I...but until then.." she said with a smile...

"Until then I'll enjoy this Strange, Some Kind of Wonderful..." he finished, "great now my pasta is burning" he said with a sigh.

"You know sometimes I marvel at the fact that you're only 4 years older than I am...sometimes you seem so..."

"mature?"

"Ancient is more like it...it seems like the only time you even Remotely act like your age is when you're with us...at work it's like you're ready for retirement...when was the last time you went out anyway?"

"I'm going out tonight." He reached over and felt her forehead, "you seem kind of feverish, maybe I should cancel tonight."

"Oh no you don't I'm already the most hated woman in Boston on account of all the dates you've canceled because of me. I don't want to vie for the position in London as well."

"Are you sure?"

"100%," she said as she tried to scrounge up a smile liar "Don't you need to go get dressed if you're meeting her for dinner in Boston."

"I think you're right." He said as he ladled the pasta into two bowls.

"What do you tell those women anyway when you call them to cancel, 'sorry I can't come but my parent's best friends daughter who lives with me isn't feeling well' they must think you're mad..."

"I simply tell them 'one of the most important people in my life is ill, and since she means more to me than you probably ever will, I'd rather spend the evening with her."

"You're such a liar...you know you've never said that."

"How do you know?" he said with the crooked smile that always turned her stomach into knots.

"So what are you going to wear?" She said with a feeble attempt to change the subject.

"I don't know help me pick something out." He said with a pleading smile as he handed her a bowl heaped with pasta.

"Ok," she said as she hopped off the stool, and they went to his room. She placed her bowl on the dresser, of course not with out an admonition from Will to eat it quickly before it gets cold. He plopped onto his bed cross-legged, observing her graceful movements with a smile as she went into his closet.

"How about this?" she said drawing out a shirt.

"Nah...how about the navy one you got me for my birthday? You know your hair has really grown out, it's almost a few inches past your shoulders."

"yeah I know...Khaki pants?" she asked as she held them up, "but I still feel like a boy, I'm so skinny and I've never had short hair before." At that her hand went up to the loose spirals that had fallen down past her shoulders as she thought of the hip length curls she'd had two years ago.

"How many times do I have to tell you you're beautiful before you believe it?"

"You have to get ready," she said as she got up to leave.

"Lizzy?"

"Yes Will?" she asked as she stood in his doorway and he got up and went towards her.

He held her at arm's length then brought her close to his heart as he kissed her forehead., "Do you know how much I love you?"

"I know Will." She said with a smile at the ritual.

"And Lizzy one more thing..."

"What?"

"You're beautiful."

II

Posted on Sunday, 6 August 2000, at 7 : 36 p.m.

"Every time I see this movie...I wish I'm Cate Blanchett right here," said Georgie with a sigh as she paused An Ideal Husband, just as Jeremy Northam brought Cate's hand to his lips and vowed his love amidst their party.

"Me too," said Lizzy, "why can't someone say that to me?" she said as she passed Georgie the popcorn.

"I know, Especially someone who looks like Him! Gosh he's cute." Said Georgie with another sigh, 'Without her love, I am Nothing' In all earnestness I would love to mean that much to someone" said Georgie as she dramatically clapped her hand to her heart.

"Heck, I'd settle for having a date on a Friday night, instead I'm sitting here next to you." Said Lizzy with a grin.

"...watching a Jeremy Northam film and eating popcorn" said Georgie as she un-paused the movie.

"Why don't you go out more Georgianna, that nice Robert Ferrars comes by every weekend...."

"...and leave you home alone?"

"Don't you go and blame your lack of a social life on me Missy," said Lizzy tossing a kernel at her.

"...and the saddest thing is that my BROTHER has date." Said Georgie screwing up her face...

"Will deserves some fun Georgie the poor guy is either at the head office or taking care of us."

"Uh-huh" said Georgie with a knowing smile.

"what are you Uh-huh-ing about Georgianna Darcy?"

"Nothing" she said with another grin.

"Georgie! What are you..." she was interrupted by the jaunty step in the hallway and a remarkable sound that had never before echoed in the halls of Pemberley...Will whistling... "do do dodo dododo dodo"

"...What am I to do..." continued Georgie

"I ca-an't help it." Finished Lizzy attempting to muster a smile.

"With all that whistling, and 'Falling In Love Again' no less, I'm gonna guess that the date went well," said Georgie cheekily.

"You would be correct in guessing that" said Will as he mussed up his little sister's hair before collapsing backwards over the sofa.

"That good huh? Give us the dirt, what was she wearing? What's she like? Are you going to see her again? Come on Will, inquiring minds want to know!"

"She's incredible. I mean she's so beautiful...and smart and talented, she's really a rising star in the London office, and she's so kind and good...she's just unworldly, you two will love her."

"She sounds really special," said Lizzy. Despite the smile Lizzy had managed to paste onto her face, her the tone of her words was not entirely cheery. Yet it was not jealousy Lizzy's words where tinged with, but rather sorrow. Her love for Will been unnoticed, and most of all unreciprocated too long for her to maintain any sense of hope. She had known that some day Will would eventually fall in love, and she would lose him. Yet the fact that she had known of its eventuality was small consolation. Her look of despondence was entirely lost on Will, but Georgie noticed it from the corner of her eye, a true confirmation of her suspicions.

"Oh she is..." said Will with an uncharacteristically dreamy expression. It struck a cord of fear in Lizzy's heart, for normally nonchalant indifference was the best one could expect from Will after a date.

"So when are you going to see her again?" asked Georgie eagerly.

"Lizzy don't you have a doctor's appointment on Monday?"

"That I do, but don't use me to change the subject," said Lizzy with a smile.

"Yeah I was thinking about seeing her again tomorrow or something. How are you going to go to the appointment?"

"I thought I could drive..."

"I'll take you, remember you always get so whoozy after they draw blood, it's not really wise for you to drive is it?"

"No, I guess not, thank you Will," she said with a genuine smile, "But back to this girl, what is her name?"

"My pleasure Lizzy, maybe we can get some lunch afterwards," he said with his winning smile." "Oh, her name is Jane Elliot, lovely name really...at least then I'll be sure that you eat something."

"Well if you're going out tomorrow night, I want you to go to that party Robert was talking about earlier Georgie, it'll be fun."

"But Lizzy..."

"No buts about it, I'm tired of both of you feeling like you have to keep an eye on me at all times, I haven't collapsed at all in the past two years, and the last emergency I had was cutting my finger making dinner. On top of that there is a house full of staff, who all know exactly what to do should something happen to me...I don't need you two to sacrifice your social lives for me." She said a little out of breath with the length of hers speech.

"But Lizzy," Will began only to be silenced by her hand on his cheek, "I'll be fine." She said with a smile.

"Alright Lizzy, but the thing is Janey's busy in the evening." liar "So we where planning on going out for brunch in the morning...so technically I have nothing to do in the evening, but if you insist on exiling me from the house...I'm sure there is a park bench or something I could fall asleep on." He said with a mock sigh.

"I suppose I can let you stay," she said supressing a smile with a great deal of difficulty.

"You are too kind," he said with a grin as he made a mental note to cancel his date with Jane for that evening.

Lizzy looked down at the various array of bottles of all shapes and sizes that lined her dresser. Perfume was replaced by Priminadine, Makeup by Marsonex and her life as she knew it by cancer. Her hand went gingerly to her hair, it was growing in nicely, if a little unevenly. The only time she had ever cried throughout the ordeal had been one morning after her second bone marrow test when she had still smarted from the pain, she had woken to find a mass of dark curls spread around her pillow like a hallow.

She remembered how Will had held her that day as she had sobbed out her fears and clutched the fragments of her past life, those strands of black curls, in her hand. It was then that she knew...it was then that she knew she loved him. That she had always loved him. And that day remained forever one of the most difficult of her recollection, the day she learned what it is to love, and the day she learned what it is to long for something wholly unattainable.

Lizzy put the properly prescribed pills into her hands and then too her mouth with an almost mechanical precision, her nightly regime of medicine had become second nature to her. Yet, the shot that she had to be given each night was a distinct torture each and every time. It had to be delivered to her thigh, stabbed through the skin and muscle to get to the blood vessels. She had long since abandoned attempting to do it herself and instead Georgie would come in and perform the procedure for Will had been unable to inflict pain to Lizzy even if for her own good. Yet, Lizzy had managed thus far to dispel her pain with laughter, and to banish the tears with a smile. She had often remarked to them that her thigh looked quite like a suicide attempt gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Lizzy was unsure whether it was the medicine and it's strangely hallucinogenic properties, or merely the hidden secrets of her past but restful sleep was never coming. Mostly her dreams where floating images of her past, but sometimes the visions became so fiercely vivid that they took her breath away. And almost every dream was of one thing...

"But I don't want to go."

The words ripped from Lizzy's throat even before she was sure of it's origin, and like magic she was once again in her own world, sitting up in her bed, alone.

The light switched on and like a flash Will was by her side, kneeling on her bed and cradling her head in the crook of his arm. "The same dream?" he asked softly, not awaiting an answer as he enfolded her in his arms, the warmth of his skin seeping through the thin cotton of his shirt.

Lizzy nodded silently, "I should have been on that plane with them William, had I not been so adamant...had I not been so damn adamant to have my own way...I could have been with THEM instead of alone." She said in an eerie quiet tone.

"But then where would we be?" he said as he stroked her hair, kissing her forehead gently, "you didn't know, how could you have known?"

"But...but this cancer is simply fate's way of evening up the score...I should have died on that plane Will." She said in almost a whisper.

"I don't care if Fate himself descends on Pemberley with his wrath, I will not lose you, do you understand that." He said as he held her tightly. "You will survive this, and you'll get passed this I swear that much." He said his voice shaky with emotion yet lined with the silent steel of his resolve. "I'm going to stay with you till you fall asleep." He said quietly.

"You don't have to," she said looking up at him at last.

"Yes, I do." He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist so that her head rested comfortably on his chest, "I don't think I could get to sleep otherwise." As the smallest hint of a smile broke onto his face.

"What did I do to deserve you Will?" she asked sleepily.

"Something I'm sure you regret quite heartily by now," he said with a chuckle. "Lizzy?"

"Yes Will"

"Do you know how much I love you?"

"I know Will" where the last words she uttered before drifting off into a pure, restful sleep, secure in the arms of the mans she loved with her whole heart.

III

Posted on Tuesday, 8 August 2000, at 1 : 06 a.m.

Lizzy woke to the sound of Will's gentle breath blowing in her ear. His arms still encircled his waist, for he had fallen asleep before she had and she of course had been loath to wake him. Now the rays of sunlight that came at early morn played lightly on the bedspread, making small joyful golden patterns as they peeked through the eyelets in the curtains.

His head was buried in her hair, nestled above her shoulder. Although he was attired simply in a pair of sweats and a T-shirt to Lizzy he had never been more beautiful. She reveled in his closeness for a moment, before softly whispering in his ear, a gentle "wake up sleepyhead."

He groaned, and nestled deeper by her side, holding her closer, "Will it's morning wake up don't you have to go somewhere?"

His eyes fluttered open, "Lizzy," he said with a sleepy grin, "what a beautiful sight to wake up too." Then a look of realization dawned over him, "um...what am I doing here?" he asked not a little confused.

"I think...I think that when you came in here last night when I woke up screaming that you just fell asleep here."

"Oh," he said with another sheepish grin, he released her to stretch fully, she took the opportunity to crawl out of bed.

"Don't you have to go out with Janey this morning?" she asked.

"Yes, I actually do...but that's not for a while, right now I actually have plenty of time to make breakfast for my girls," he said as he took her hand to help her up.

"To the kitchen then my trusty sidekick," said Lizzy with a smile.

"I thought you where my sidekick?" he said in mock sadness.

"Nope. You're wrong again," she said with a grin, "see Will, you're always so clueless....at this rate you're never going to beat the bad guy, become a full fledged hero, and get the girl." She said with a smile that was almost coy.

"We'll see about that," he said as he raced her down the hall. For a moment at least the old walls of Pemberley rung with joy once more, momentarily dispelling the sorrowful gloom that hung about the house like a cobweb in an ancient attic.

The raindrops smeared lightly on the windowpanes, for what had dawned as a sunny day had quickly turned to thunder and fat, furious rain drops. Yet, as Lizzy sat snuggled in the window seat of the den, her legs tucked neatly beneath her, her head pressed lightly against the glass, contentment was the only emotion that flowed through her veins. Apart from a hope that Will wouldn't get ill from getting wet in the rain, Lizzy reveled in the cloudy weather.

Then as suddenly as it came, the rain began to slowly let up, and small rays of sunshine began to peek through the clouds.

Then Sunshine herself walked through the door.

The woman on Will's arm couldn't have been much older than Lizzy herself, two years at most, yet before her Lizzy felt like a girlish chit. For she was perhaps the single most beautiful creature she had ever seen...

And in that moment Lizzy knew that she had lost him...

A joyous effusement of laughter burst fourth from her rosy heart shaped mouth, and her blue eyes twinkled like sapphires set in the ivory of her skin. Golden tresses that mocked Lizzy's shoulder length spirals cascaded down her back. Her arm was linked with Will's neither leaning upon it for support nor tugging upon it for attention. Merely being close to him. And the adoration with which Jane Elinor Elliot looked upon her Will with Lizzy knew had been mirrored in her own eyes for the past eight years.

"Lizzy, is that you?" he asked towards the tiny figure huddled at the sill.

"Yes, it's me." She said as she unfolded her thin body to stand before them.

"Lizzy, I'd like you to meet Jane Elliot, Jane this is my dearest friend in the world Elizabeth." He said as he presented the two women.

"Elizabeth," Jane said as she took Lizzy's tiny hand into her longer, tapered fingers. Lizzy noticed with sorrow how jaundiced and sallow her arms looked in comparison to hers, her skin knew no imperfection, while scars of IV's and injections lined Lizzy's arm like freckles. "It's such a pleasure to meet you, you're all that Will talks about," said Jane with a smile so sweet Lizzy was concerned over the state of her poor girl's teeth.

"I'm sure that's probably because of the amount of his time that I take up," she said with a small smile.

"Actually it's more about 'Well Lizzy thinks that...' at every sentence, so I actually know you quite well already." She said as she smiled up at Will.

With every word Jane uttered, her perfectly amiable nature became more and more apparent. She was in a word perfect, exactly the girl Lizzy would have envisioned for him. Someone she would have even have liked to have for a friend...and Lizzy could not hate her...in fact she couldn't even dislike her...for she was wonderful...and because she made him so happy...

And at that moment Lizzy's heart broke in two...

"well, I have to be going Will, and I'm sure that you have to go get ready...thank you for a lovely time," said Jane as she kissed him lightly on the lips. She turned to Lizzy and flashed a bright smile, the teeth Lizzy were concerned about where perfect in their pearly whiteness, "It was a pleasure meeting you Elizabeth."

"Same here," said Lizzy as she struggled to return the smile.

"I'll see you out," said Will as he walked Jane out of the house. He was back before Lizzy even had time to catch her breath. "So what did you think?" he asked as soon as he got back up stairs.

"Well she certainly is beautiful," said Lizzy her heart sinking...she had to get out of here, she couldn't bear to be confronted with Jane and Will at every turn.

"I've got a surprise for you tonight" he said with his shy, crooked grin.

"What is it?" she said hoping it wasn't another tall, gorgeous blond.

"Well, since Georgie is gone out, I figured we go out someplace, and I already have the evening planned, so I don't want any excuses" he said as he placed a finger on her lips to silence any objection.

"Where are we going?" she asked trying to keep her voice light.

"It's a surprise," he said with a boyish glint in his eyes...

"Well, I hope it's not too formal, because none of my evening wears fits me anymore," she sighed as she looked down at her thin frame.

"I'll take care of that," he said as he picked up the phone. "Someone will come over in a few minutes, and trust me...it'll be great."

"I trust you Will," she said with an almost melancholy smile...

The phone rang as soon as Will put it down, "Must be the dressmaker," he muttered. As he picked it up and listened his expression went from one of playful mirth, to stony silence.

"Yes,"

"Yes, she's here...hold on one moment," he said his jaw clenched almost menacingly as he handed her the cordless phone, "It's for you."

Lizzy took the phone hesitantly, as she brought it to her ear and mumbled a 'Hello?' a familiar voice chimed in her ear.

"Did you miss me Dearest?"

IV

Posted on Wednesday, 9 August 2000, at 4 : 06 p.m.

"Henry?" she asked amazement drenching every syllable. "Where are you, are you calling from Japan?" she asked her voice full of awe

"No actually I'm back in town."

"You're here?" she asked incredulously.

"No actually I'm in London right now, I'll be here for a week or so while my I finish closing up an acquisition for Netherfield."

"I hadn't thought I'd ever hear from you again, I'm glad I was wrong." She said softly, and from the corner of her eye she saw Will's knuckles turn white from how hard he gripped the chair. "Has it really been three years already?" she asked softly.

"Trust me, I've felt every moment apart from you quite keenly." He said his voice soft and breaking with emotion.

"I tried writing, but why...why didn't you ever just try to contact me Henry?"

"I suppose it was my foolish pride, after you refused me...I just wanted nothing more to do with the entire affair...but Lizzy you must understand that that was the single greatest regret of my life...that I let you go without a fight."

"A lot has changed in the past three years Henry" she said as her hand went softly up to her hair, "I fear that you will not recognize me now." She said with a small chuckle.

"I doubt it Lizzy, I could pick that smile of yours from a hundred miles, I can still see it now if I close my eyes." Said Henry.

"No, it's not just that I've changed physically, I had cancer Henry...or rather I have cancer...osteo sarcoma, a tumor in my right leg."

"Dear God Lizzy, are you alright...are you in remission?" he asked his voice frantic.

"I'm much better now," she said as she shifted in her seat, talking about her illness always made her uncomfortable. "I'm in remission, and they said that they got all of the tumor...but I've only been in remission for about a year now...and I guess I just take it one day at a time. Hoping not to relapse."

"And are you seeing anyone?"

"A doctor?"

"No, I mean are you dating?"

"Well, my life has been a little too busy for that as of late Henry...and there aren't exactly a lot of takers for a skinny, limping, boyish looking cancer patient."

"I know one..." he said softly.

"Henry..." her heart melting to the ache she heard in his voice, "Henry...I'm so sorry...I..."

"Was that Will's voice I heard on the phone just now?" he asked softly.

"Who else could it be?" she asked with a soft laugh.

"You're still living with him and Georgie?"

"They're my family...they're all that I have Henry...I don't know why you could never understand that."

"All that I understand is that Will for some unknown reason, detests me...and does everything in his power to keep us apart."

"He does it because he thinks that's what's best for me Henry...please don't make me choose between you."

"Because you'd choose him...you'd choose him in a New York second," his voice not really bitter, just filled with sorrow.

"Henry...I..."

"Elizabeth, please don't...you know how much I cared for you...and how much I do still."

"Henry...I"

"Lizzy just listen to me...you have been the only woman I've ever given my heart to...please you owe it to me...to us...to my devotion to you to give it a chance, I don't want to guilt you into anything but please."

"Go ahead..."

"I want you to come visit me in London, I'm only here for a week, I'll even send you the ticket."

"It's not the money Henry..."

"I can't come because I have to sign over some of the documents...but other than a couple of meetings I'm free..."

"Henry...we've changed...our lives..."

"But we're still the same people we always where Lizzy. And my feelings for you remain constant...unwavering."

"I'm not the happy, flighty girl you fell in love with..."

"Vienna Sausages." He said seriously.

"Vienna Sausages," she almost gasped at a private joke the two had shared a long time ago, a happy memory, and a small giggle soon exploded into the throaty laughter that Henry had ached to hear all those years.

"I can still make you laugh Elizabeth...and I swear if you give me another chance...I'll move mountains for you love."

"You're asking a lot of me Henry, a lot more than I can promise right now...I mean it's been so long."

"Then just think about it Lizzy, your ticket should be here by tomorrow I had it made out for Thursday..."

"Henry..."

"Lizzy...please."

"I have to go..." she said as she felt herself tear up, "I'll talk to you later alright."

"Alright...I love you Elizabeth Isobella Bennet, I always have...and I always will"

"Goodbye Henry." She whispered before putting down the phone gently in the cradle.

IV

Posted on Thursday, 10 August 2000, at 10 : 37 p.m.

Will stood there watching her wipe away the tear that had strayed onto her cheek, "That jerk can still make you cry Lizzy," he said quietly.

"Will, he's not making me cry...it's just the...it's just..."

"It's just that he always does this to you," he said as he rose and went towards her and enfolded her in his arms. Yet instead of wrapping her own about him she stiffened at his touch, for the appearance of Jane had changed everything...the disbelief...the delusions...the wishful thinking had all crumbled the second she had walked in through the door. She extracted herself carefully from his embrace.

"He's done nothing to me Will."

"He only abandoned you for three years, vanishing without a trace...while you where left here alone to..."

"...He left me alone...do you resent all the time you had to stand in his stead during my illness?" Lizzy asked coldly.

"Elizabeth," he said as he turned her around so that she faced him, or rather faced his chest, "How can you even ask that...you are my everything," he said his voice breaking with emotion, "You could never be a burden, and I could never ever resent you." He said finding control of his voice. "But I do resent him...I resent him for hurting you..."

"He made me no promises Will, if you recall I'm the one who refused his proposal."

"You had just turned 20, you where in your second year of University...you where far too young...but instead of waiting for you like an honorable gentleman."

"He got transferred abroad."

"...and ceased all contact with you. That man broke your heart Elizabeth."

"You seem to overestimate his influence on my heart" you are the only one with power over it Will

"Lizzy...I..."

"Henry asked me to come to England to see him" she interrupted, her voice firm.

"What?" he cried as he released her shoulders, "you can't," he said as he struggled to gain control of his voice, "You can't seriously be thinking of accompanying him?"

"I was more than considering it Will...I think that I'm going to go," she said as she tried valiantly to keep hold of the tears that threatened to burst forth.

"Elizabeth...England...and in your condition..."

"I'm going to the doctor on Monday Will...I can ask him then if it'll be Ok to travel."

"So what then?" he asked bitterly.

"I don't know..." she said wistfully, "I honestly don't know..."

"Then you're going to just leave me?" he asked the bitterness in his voice equaled only by the emotion that heaved in chest.

Lizzy's tone softened, and for a moment her resolve faltered, "Oh Will," she said as she blinked back tears, "You could not think...you couldn't believe that this..." she said as she waved about the room, "that we should always be as we are?" yet it was more plea than question, she implored him with her eyes to love her.

"But..."

"Georgianna is all grown up Will, she is preparing to begin her second year of college soon, and you" she said as she drew closer to him, laying a hand on his cheek, "and you have Jane."

Yet the farthest thing from his mind at that moment was Jane, all that echoed in his ears was 'you couldn't believe that we should always be as we are?'. "But Lizzy, he's all wrong for you..." he said weakly.

"All wrong for me?" she scoffed, "why don't you understand Will?" she said as she turned away from him, "I'm not like Georgie, or even like your Jane Will, I don't have men falling over themselves for my hand." She said softly, "Henry is the only man who has ever loved me."

"Elizabeth...there will be..."

"Will, if I have learned anything from this," she said as she motioned towards her body, "It is to realize how fleeting life can be. None of us should ever take even a moment for granted, for we do not know if the next shall ever come...but for me," she said tears shining in her eyes, "it is only doubly so."

"Lizzy, you may outlive all of us." Cried Will as he tried desperately to convince himself that it was so.

"My future is uncertain Will," she said shaking her head, "and for that reason...I refuse to waste an ounce of the present," she looked away from him, into the sunlight. "You see Will, I'm not afraid of dying...I'm simply afraid of not living the time I have left to it's fullest."

"And that means being with Henry."

"That means for once, letting someone love me...to be loved, and cherished, I know it's unfair to Henry..."

"Do you love him?" Will asked harshly...his heart beating wildly.

"Oh Will, it seems to matter so little who we love...and indeed what we want from life...in the end all that matters is who loves us."

"Excuse me, Ms. Lizzy...there is a woman here...she says she's here to do the dresses." Said a voice from the hallway.

"I'll be right down Esmerelda," she said as she wiped away the tears and ran out of the room.

V

Posted on Saturday, 12 August 2000, at 7 : 17 p.m.

Will had stood where she left him for some time, her words swirling in his head like a whirlpool, sucking everything he had ever held dear into it's midst. Lizzy had disappeared down the stairs and into the foyer like a bolt of lightning. Soon he could here her soft inflection regain it's air of composure, and he could almost see her transform once more into the good hostess. It wasn't long, but what is time but relative when one's thoughts are plunged in despair, before he heard the downstairs door shut close and Lizzy race up the stairs a large package in hand and into her room.

She didn't acknowledge him, she barely even looked his way. But she had looked, and the pain he saw etched in her face tore him in two. Yet, he couldn't rise to go to her...not yet...he was wise enough to see that they both needed time...both needed space.

He rose and went and showered and readied himself for the evening.

Yet, he could only take it so long.

"Lizzy," he knocked softly on her door.

There was no answer.

"Beth...please," he pleaded.

"I'm just getting ready Will," she said trying to keep her voice level, and free from the tears that had just flowed. Will swallowed deeply, if he knew her she would simply try to pretend that their fight had never been.

"Elizabeth....I'm sorry," he said as he sunk to the floor in his tuxedo, leaning heavily upon her door. He took her silence as an opportunity to continue, "I can't bear to have you angry with me Lizzy." He said with a small smile.

"I can't even remember the last time I was actually angry with you," she said softly, as she leaned against her side of her door.

"I do," he said, a burden lifting from his very soul as she answered him, and he swore he could almost feel her across the door. "I remember when you where 17..."

"Don't remind me," she said with a small chuckle.

"...and my roommate from University came to visit...or leech of me...whichever you prefer."

"George Wickham, I remember...and I was convinced that the two of us where meant to be."

"You where so furious when I refused to let you go out with that slimeball."

"...and then I saw him trying to kiss Georgie in the study...that child was what, all of 14 years of age." She said with a sad smile.

"...and you decked him," he said with a chuckle as he recalled the shiner Lizzy had given him and the matching one Will had bestowed before kicking him out of the house.

"I was so angry then...although I don't know whether it was because you didn't trust my judgement...or whether it was because you where right again." She said with a laugh, "I was honestly considering running away from home...but then I realized...the only place that was home to me...was with you and Georgie." She said almost with a sob.

"Oh Lizzy, when you told me that day that you hated me...that you where sorry your parents had left you with such a horrible guardian...I honestly felt...I felt as if I truly had failed Uncle Tom and Aunt Mira."

"Oh Will you where and are the best anyone could ever hope for." She said softly. "You took care of me so incredibly well, I wager you know more about my illness than most of the doctors I've had." She said with a chuckle. "Why didn't you ever go into medicine."

"I actually had planned to...up until...well up until the crash. Uncle Edward agreed to come out of retirement and run the company until I graduated from school...and afterwards...well I couldn't raise two girls, run a company, and study for medical school at the same time."

"We've been quite a burden on your life haven't we Will?"

"You two are what make my life worth living." He said softly. "...And now by arguing with you...and fighting desperately to make you do what I think is right for you...I'm just pushing you away."

He was answered by the door opening abruptly, consequently causing him to fall, and Lizzy rushing into his arms. "You couldn't push me away if you tried," she whispered into his lapel.

"Do you know how much I love you Lizzy?"

"I know." She said as she pulled away and straightened her gown, "Do you like it?" she asked of the cream colored gown that clung to her every inch of her tiny frame. Her hair was swept up and held in place by tiny pearl encrusted pins and her mother's pearls clung to her neck.

...And she was beautiful.

Usually Will proclaimed her to be 'beautiful' or 'stunning' but today she was simply met with silence and a look...a look she hadn't learned to appreciate just yet. "You don't like it," she said with a pout. "Well if you don't like it I can go change...there's one of Georgie's old dresses that might..." she was stopped by his hand on her arm.

He shook his head in a negative and some how managed to gain enough control of his vocal cords to mumble, "change...no change..." and lapse into silent, almost awe struck contemplation of her once more.

"Aren't we going to be late?" she asked as she retrieved her shawl and took his arm. Yet, Will's gaze had hardly wavered from the creamy, graceful hand that encircled his own, his heart thud in his ears, and his eyes had almost glazed over.

"Did you say something?" he asked as he caught her staring at him expectantly.

"I asked if we where going to be late?" she said as she gave him a curious look, "are you alright?"

"Good," he said quickly, "i'm good." Those where the last words spoken through the long car ride, and rather short fairy ride over to Martha's Vineyard.

As the boat slowly trudged through the murky waters the two leaned on the railing, swathed in the moonlight. The illumination of their faces varying with the passing clouds, a few fireflies gathered about the shores swishing about in perfect harmony, dancing with the rhythm of life. The breeze from the open ocean caressed their faces like a mother's touch and swept back errant curls from their foreheads. The night was perfection...yet all of it...the beauty that surrounded him...enveloped him...

Paled in comparison to her...

Finally Lizzy's anticipation had overcame her, "Will where are you taking me?" she asked impatiently, placing both hands on her hips in indignation and curiosity. For Will it broke the barrier between the goddess that stood before him and his dearest friend on this earth.

...And Will realized he could deny it no longer.

VI

Posted on Monday, 14 August 2000, at 1 : 50 a.m.

"Close your eyes," he whispered in her ear as the ship docked at the port, and he took her hand and placed his other one across her eyes.

"I can't see anything," she said.

"That...would be the point," he said with a laugh.

"But what if I get hit by a car or something?"

"Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you," she said as a slow smile spread across her face.

"Good, because we're here." He said not removing his hand.

"where is here?" she asked.

"I saw it a few months ago when I came to the island for a business meeting, and it was just so you...I wanted to save it for your Birthday...but I couldn't wait." He finished sheepishly, and the look of glory...the countenance filled with awe that brightened Lizzy's every feature as she gazed upon the resteraunt was worth every expense. That look would warm his heart for years to come, and the smile that played at her lips was burned into his very soul.

She still held the hand that had covered her eyes in both of hers after she had pulled it away and she stood in the middle of the street, still awestruck. 'Venice' she mumbled, as she gazed up on the large Venetian style structure.

"Well, I couldn't take you on a flight without your knowledge...so I figured this was the next best thing." He said with a laugh, as his eyes remained glued to her.

Tears shone in her eyes at his gesture, and her hand went hesitantly to his cheeks as she briefly tore her eyes from the sight before her and turned towards Will, "It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen...thank you."

The Venetian style building lined by intricate carvings in the plaster rose imposingly before them, it's front was a replica of St. Mark's Bascillica, giving it the nickname 'La Bascillita' and through the entry it was as if one had traipsed across the ocean and landed in Italy.

The inner sanctum of the place looked as if it had been born of the heavens themselves, for the place was lit with by strands of sparkling golden lights who looked transplanted from the sky itself. Green ivory lined every surface and clung to every nook and cranny, studded with the tiniest of ivory jasmine as they released the most intoxicating of fragrances.

Spanish fountains burst fourth from the floor in exhuberant gushes of liquid. A string Quartet softly serenaded the patrons in the corner and artists with tiny easels set up shop, pandering their wares and capturing the fleeting likenesses of joy that spread across the guest faces. A small canal even cut across the length of the resteraunt, merging with the bay on either side, a small gondola floated on the canal.

"I know it's kind of corny...Venice in America....but..." he was silenced by Lizzy's finger on his lips.

"It's perfect," she whispered before tugging on his hand, "Come on we'll lose our reservation."

Soon they where seated and eating delicious cuisine completely enthralled by the conversation so glorious it could only be encountered between a pair of friends who loved one another so very deeply.

"May I get you anything further for the Distinguished Gentleman and his Lady," asked the waitress in lilting accent.

"No thank you, but what is that accent...It's perfectly enchanting." Asked Lizzy.

"It's Maltese..." she said with a smile as she refilled their glasses. Out of the corner of Lizzy's eye she noticed the string quartet pack up their things and shift into a group of men in white dinner jackets bearing large instruments.

"What's going on Will?" Lizzy asked conspiritally.

"They have live big band music and dancing in the evenings," he said with a grin. "So will you dance with me?"

"Dance...Oh I don't know..." she said with a shy smile, "I've forgotten how...and plus with the leg..." she trailed off as she glanced down at her weakened leg.

"Don't worry about that," he said slowly as he rose and held out his hand to her, "just dance with me."

"but Will" she began.

"Don't you trust me?" he asked.

"I trust you Will," she said as she placed his hand delicately in his.

Will floated on the wings of love to the dance floor, with her tiny hand in his...he felt more jubilant...and more secure than ever before. Slowly a young woman slid like honey to the stage, and a melodious voice began to flow from her lips...and before they knew it...soft strains of When I fall in Love floated around them.

When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love

True to his word, Will locked his arm about Lizzy's waist and gently lifted her so that her feet barely grazed the ground. Yet, it was his touch that really made her feel as if floating on air.

In a restless world
Like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many
Moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

"Elizabeth," he whispered softly in her ear. "I have to tell you something," he whispered deliciously in her ear...so deliciously in fact that she felt almost lightheaded.

When I give my heart
I give it completely
Or I'll never give my heart

"Will, can we stop for a moment," she asked breathlessly. Will instantly recoiled at the rebuff, where her feelings for him really so fraternal...did she know how he felt and was simply too kind to reject him outright?

"Sure Lizzy," he said as he released her and placed her lightly on her feet.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you

"Thanks," she mumbled, " you know 'cuz I don't feel so..." was all she managed to get out before she collapsed to the ground.

VII

Posted on Wednesday, 16 August 2000, at 1 : 45 a.m.

Lizzy's fall was almost like a dream to Will, everything happening in slow exaggerated motions. The wisps of her hair falling away from her face, the pallor of her cheeks, the shallow breaths that where emitted from her mouth as she fell....

But as she hit the ground in a sickening thud, his paralysis evaporated, as did the glaze that had settled over his mind. He was focused, and in a moment he was at her side, lifting her tiny body into his arms, ignoring the stares of the other patrons, even their worried questions, and admonitions. He brought her back to their table, carefully controlling each of his breaths, if he let go to the fear...if he crumbled beneath his concern for her...if he let his emotions get the better of him...he knew that the best thing he could do was remain calm. But her rosy cheeks, her smile, every little thing that made her perfect to him wouldn't allow his tired soul any repose. So when Lizzy woke to the tiny drops of water that he flecked gently on her face, not a few of those drops where his own tears.

"Will," she said smiling weakly.

"Elizabeth," he said hoarsely, his heart thudding with joy...and apprehension, "don't you ever scare me like that again," he mumbled as he pressed his lips fervently to her forehead.

"I'm sorry Will." She mumbled softly, as she draped her arm about his neck to steady herself, "I'm quite alright William, you can put me down," she murmured into his lapel, causing the most heavenly sensations to erupt in his very soul.

"The only place I'm putting you down is on the gurney of the emergency room," he said hoarsely.

"Will!" she gasped anxiously, "Will, please," she said as she drew down his head so that his eyes locked with hers, "Please don't take me back there..." she said her voice breathless with worry, "you don't know what it's like...they'll put me back in the hospital." She said as silent tears rolled down her cheek, "Please Will, don't take me back."

Will slowly and deliberately kissed away both the tears, "Elizabeth...we have to go and see what's wrong." He pleaded softly.

"But Will, I have to go to the doctor on Monday anyhow...I'll be fine till then," she said as snuggled against his chest.

"No way, I'm not taking any chances."

"It was the Percodex," she said desperately, "I know it was, I was supposed to take it at bed time, and I took it early so it made me a little dizzy." She said trying to effect some laughter.

"Lizzy we both know the Percodex wasn't responsible for what happened back there," he said softly.

"Have you forgotten what tomorrow is Will?" she asked softly.

"How could I?" he mumbled.

"I haven't missed Mother and Father's memorial service, not once, I don't intend for tomorrow to be a first."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I just want you to take me home," she said as she clung to his shoulder.

"We're here," he said as they approached their car, and Will gently placed her in the passenger's seat. "I'll take you home on one condition." He said as he sat down on driver's side.

"What?" she asked as she leaned her head against the seat in exhaustion.

"I'll take you back if you'll let Dr. Kearney come and take a look at you," he said as he gently swept away a curl from her forehead.

"But Will..."

"No buts about it Lizzy," he said as his hand cupped her face and his thumb caressed her cheek softly. "I'm not just going to stand by and let something happen to you." He said smiling softly, "just consider it as a personal favor to me."

"Alright," she said with a mock sigh, as she reached out and played with a few of his curls that had tossed about by the wind.

"The fairy should leave in a few minutes," he said hoarsely, as he tried to distract his mind and dispel the urge to kiss her.

"Mmmm..." she mumbled as she dropped her hand and settled back against the seat leaving Will overcome by relief, and consumed by a desire to feel her touch once more.

"She sounded worried," he said as he lay atop the covers, Lizzy's head in his lap.

"If Dr. Kearney had really been that worried she would admitted me already," she said reassuringly as he absent mindedly stroked one of her curls.

"But I still can't shake this feeling..."

"Well shake it off," she said as she looked up at him with a beguiling smile, "on Monday morning we go into the hospital, I get some tests...and what shall be will be." She said her voice strengthening with every syllable.

"but Elizabeth," he was silenced by her finger on his lips, which he kissed softly.

Lizzy blushed slightly, and withdrew her hand. She snuggled onto his knee, "So...so what time do we have to leave tomorrow." She said her voice wavering at the thought of what was to come.

"the service at church starts tomorrow at 9 and then the memorial is at 12 and...and" he choked up a little, "and then we can go to Longview after that."

Lizzy simply nodded and gently brushed away the tear that threatened to fall from her eye.

"Maybe I should let you get your rest now...tomorrow is a long day." He said with a sigh...yet also without any movement to go.

"yeah maybe you should," she said softly as she drew herself up to meet him at eye level.

"yeah, I guess I should go." His breath coming in short raspy bursts at her proximity.

"you said that already," she said his breath tickling her nose as she looked into his eyes.

"Yeah I guess I did," he mumbled before leaning in slightly.

"Uh Will," said Georgie with a knock on the door, "there's a phone for you...it's Jane." She called, Lizzy immediately retreated to the other end of the bed, curling into a small ball, and trying to convince herself that she had merely dreamed what had almost happened, hoping that it would take the edge of the hurt that it didn't...

VIII

Posted on Sunday, 20 August 2000, at 1 : 47 a.m.

The bouquet was yellow.

Her mother's favorite color.

Lizzy had fond memories of being dressed in little yellow sundresses and parading down the tiny little main street of their little town of Meryton, in her mother's tiny little vintage yellow Volkswagon beetle.

Even her mother's hair had been golden, like droplets of the yellow sun. She shone, her mother did, people where drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

Her mother was sunshine...

...And all that was left where the yellow flowers...

The sermon had been unbearably difficult to listen to in church that morning, she had simply sat there fingering the small bouquets of flowers that lay in her lap, cheery mementos of a past that haunted her.

Now as they trudged towards the memorial service, a veritable sea of mourning black and grays, Lizzy felt wrong...somehow guilty for carrying the brightly colored posies clutched in her hand. They stuck out like a sore thumb. Even the sky loomed ominously above, tainted with hues of gray and black. If Lizzy had been thinking rationally she would have realized the weather had been this way several days in a row.

But today was not a day for rational thought...

To Lizzy the day was just another testament to what she had lost...she had lost the sunshine in her life. Her parents had been her sunshine, her whole world...

They had followed the wind as her father used to say...Traveling from coast to coast mountain to mountain, taking travel photography for the marvelous books that her mother photographed and her father wrote...yet, she had always been a vital part of that jet setting existence...she had counted. They never traveled without her, and she always treasured every adventure, every expedition, every chance at being with her fabulous parents. The three of them had been inseparable yet as different as people can come. Her father, dark and serious in appearance, yet with a heart of gold, her confidant and her mentor. Her mother had looked all sunshine, but she was the true firecracker, as explosive and as volatile as she was magical and beautiful. It was her mother with whom she had fought and laughed...it was her mother who was her dearest friend...

And she had been there everything...

When the doctors had told Mira Bennet that she wouldn't be able to have another child, something inside of her died, and from that moment Lizzy became her parents entire world.

"We've gathered here today to pay tribute...to give our respect...and to express our devotion to the victims of Flight 11253. Today is the eight anniversary of one of the most devastating plane crashes the US has ever known. Yet, it is not their death that brings us here, but rather their lives. They must have done an amazing job, because even eight years later we have come to express our love for them...and our respect for the life they lived."

Lizzy shifted in her seat, the flowers clutched so deeply in her hand that liquid had been gleamed from the stems themselves. The speech that the young man at the podium gave was moving, and Lizzy would normally been touched.

Had she been able to feel anything at all...

Now all she felt was a vast emptiness, like a great dead void was all that she was, all that was left. To her right Georgie began to cry softly and Will who sat between the two girls, put his arm about his sister comfortingly. Speaking to her quietly, tears shining in his own eyes. At least they had each other, she was alone...

Lizzy's eyes quietly strayed to stage above, where people where speaking and soft soothing music was playing, but her eyes made a beeline to the portraits they had unveiled in the corner of the victims. As she saw her parents, smiling down upon her, her heart beat in her ear, and her breath caught in her throat...she was amazed that the simple portraits could knock the breath out of her...

And suddenly she wasn't alone anymore...

And for the first time she began to cry...and as the tears flowed a weight lifted from her very soul...Will's gentle arm encircled her and she felt the tears wiped from her cheeks with his finger...and she knew that she wasn't...nor ever would be alone...

The service was over and slowly the people began to mill about others going to the large memorial to lay flowers or sprinkle tears like holy water. She had driven out to the ocean one day after her parents death and tossed their ashes into the sea breeze, knowing that they would have wanted to dance with the wind...even in death, but now...now she had no place to go and mourn...no place but this.

Her hands shakily placed the yellow bouquet on the foot of the monument, and her fingers traced their names on the carved marble. "I love you...I love you both...and I'm doing Ok...some day soon we'll be together," she whispered as she kissed her fingers and brought it to the marble.

She sat there for a period of time unknown to even her, her thoughts swirling around the past and centering around the two people who had been the cornerstone of her young life. She would have continued there indefinitely had not she felt Will warm breath whisper 'a let's go Lizzy' softly in her ear, and felt his strong arm encircle her shoulders and bring her to her feet.

The car ride home was silent and somber, Georgie's tears finally ceasing as she drifted into a restless sleep. Will's face bore a look of quiet sorrow and indeed pain, as a migraine beat at his head. As they pulled into the drive Lizzy finally turned towards him, filled with shame at being so involved in her own pain to neglect his suffering. As Georgie crawled out the car and stumbled towards the door, still half asleep, Lizzy quietly took Will's hand in hers as they entered the house.

"I'm going to sleep you guys," Georgie mumbled as she headed to the stairs. Lizzy kissed her forehead and her eyes followed the girl in silent sympathy. Lizzy went gracefully to the couch and sat at the corner with her legs tucked beneath her, her head resting on her hand as she leaned upon the armrest of the sofa.

Will plopped beside her, his head leaning back still pulsating, he felt Lizzy gently tug at it and lower it onto her lap. She slowly massaged his temples and Will completely forgot about the pain and concentrated rather on the beautiful sensations her touch awakened inside of him. "Maybe you should go to bed," she whispered softly as she brushed back his hair.

He shook his head slowly, "I don't...well I would rather not..."

"I don't want to be alone either," she whispered as she kissed his forehead. "I know something we can do," her voice brightening.

"What?"

"I'll be right back," she said as she slid out and went to the television. Soon images of their youth began to dance upon the screen. Lizzy sat down again, drawing his head to her lap once again.

"Do you remember that?" he asked nostalgically as pictures of the two families in Lake Tahoe on vacation where projected on the screen. A young Will showed his sister and Lizzy how to bait the line, and then how to throw back the fish that they caught. Water fights and childish chatter filled every screen. Their parents where shown joining in the fun, laughing with glee...glorying in the wonder of a beautiful summer.

And as they watched the video, Lizzy scooted down to lie next to Will, his arm going round her midsection, his chin resting on her shoulder. And in this bundle of security the two fell asleep to the sound of their parents' voices sending their love...

IX

Posted on Sunday, 27 August 2000, at 12 : 02 a.m.

Lizzy's legs swung care freely beneath the table's ledge, one would of thought that she sat at the edge of a pier rather than the tip of the examining table. Yet she was as far from care free as one could possibly be, in fact anxiety had made her fidgety, and as her eyes traced over the stark white walls, the looming silver instruments and the memory of Dr. Welsh's hands probing her side, she shivered.

Her hands went up to her bare arms, exposed in the hospital gown that covered her shivering form. She rubbed them to infuse some warmth, but she knew that the cold stemmed from her very soul, from the very pit of her stomach. She was scared.

"You can get changed Ms. Bennet," said a voice from the door, Lizzy turned to see the face of Dr. Welsh's nurse Renata, "He would like to see you in his office though Lizzy, Will is waiting for you there," said the older woman kindly. All the staff in the office had become rather fond of the pixie like young lady that came often for check ups.

Lizzy returned the smile wanly and struggled to her feet as the nurse shut the door. She slowly put her clothes on, much as one would if they where avoiding something at all costs. As she slipped on her t-shirt she opened the door and ventured into the carpeted hallway towards Dr. Welsh's office.

"Come in Elizabeth," said the doctor with a smile, as he ran a hand through his graying hair. Dr. Welsh had been on Lizzy's team of specialist's since her diagnoses and like everyone else who knew her he'd found a lot to love in the young woman.

Lizzy took a seat in the leather chair next to Will's whose brow was furrowed and anxious, instinctively his hand took hers and she gave it a small, anxious squeeze.

Dr. Welsh swallowed deeply. They lied in Med school when they said it got easier, it hadn't gotten easier in the 15 years he'd done this.... "I'm afraid that there is some good news and some bad news," he began.

Will's took a sharp intake of breath and his body tensed in anticipation, "What is it Sir?"

"Well, the good news is that the blood tests don't indicate any abnormal cells, so the cancer isn't spreading via the blood stream."

"...and the bad news?"

"You fainting was no fluke Lizzy, you have a small mass forming around your aorta, it's cutting off the blood supply and that's what's making you light headed. We don't know if it's malignant or benign, we won't be able to determine that until we biopsy it. And we can't biopsy it safely, so the best thing we can do is remove it...but it's a difficult and dangerous surgery." He said gravely.

Lizzy's face had taken an impassive mask, and Will was struggling for breath. no. not this. not now.

"When?" she asked softly,

"As soon as possible," he said softly, "we have to address this, maybe even this afternoon, perhaps Will could send someone to fetch your things."

"So back to the hospital," she whispered almost to herself.

"It could be nothing," said Dr. Welsh spreading his palms, "it could also be a problem, just be prepared," he said as he patted her hand affectionately.

Will turned towards her noticing how pale her face had become, as Dr. Walsh rose to go start her check in procedure, his hand slowly slipped out of hers and went around her shoulders, drawing her towards him silently.

"We'll get through this," he said as his chin rested in her hair.

"we?" she asked softly.

"Yes, you and me, like we do everything." He said as he tilted her chin so he could gaze into her eyes.

"...and Georgie..."

"....and Georgie." He agreed with a small smile.

"But..."

"You know how much I love you right?" he asked beginning their ritual.

"I know," she whispered as he kissed her forehead.

"Here is the last of it," said Will as he brought up a tiny bag that contained Lizzy's toiletries.

"Thanks sweety," she said softly as she slipped on the robe from home as she wait for the nurse to come in with the sedatives and the IV.

"No prob," he said as he adjusted the bags on the floor.

"Will?"

"Yes," he asked anxiously as his head bobbed up.

"Could you open the window please?" she said.

"Sure," he said with a sad smile. Soft strains of music began to float in through the outside world.

"Do you hear that?" she asked.

"yeah, I think it's coming from a street fair from down the street."

"you know something Will?" she asked with a grin, "you still owe me a dance, from night before last if you've forgotten." She said as she rose and held out her hand to him.

"Trust me Lizzy, that's one moment I'll have a hard time forgetting," he said as a small smile spread across his face and he took her hand as if one would hold a porcelain doll.

Hey where did we go
days when the rains came low
down in the hollow
playing a new game
running and lauging hey hey
in the misty morning
hearts a jumpin'
and you
my brown eyed girl.
My brown eyed girl

Lizzy spun into his arms, "Will, this is Van Morrison, wusses don't dance to Van Morrison," she said with a devilish grin as she began to sway her hips.

what ever happened to Tuesday so slow
gown down the old mine
with a transistor radio
slip and sliding
all along the waterfall with you
my brown eyed girl
my brown eyed girl

"if you insist," he said the smile breaking into laughter as he spun her 'round laughing at her audacity.

do you remember when we used to say
shah la la la
la de da

He picked her up and spun her around so that a burst of laughter brushed away her fears and anxiety for a moment.

it's hard to find my way
now that I'm on my own
I saw you just the other day
My how you've grown
Sometime I'm overcome thinking about you
Making love with you in the green grass
With you my brown eyed girl.

His hand went to her back and dipped her backwards, both bursting with the joy of being with each other, in the here, in the now.

X

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a blood vessel poked many times is sure to collapse.

And collapse they surely did, everyone of them. So three painful hours later after being used as a veritable pincushion for every nurse in the hospital, they had finally found a vein in the back of her hand in which to deliver the anesthesia. Now the anesthesia slowly dripped into her hand, sleep so far away, so far in coming.

Will had sat at her elbow as they had stabbed her, drawing her away, distracting her with stories and anecdotes. Yet, she had always known when the needle had loomed, she had always known the exact moment before they had poked her- because it was the moment that Will's face would pale and his voice falter. He had brushed away every tear that had formed, and know he had gone to fetch her a cup of tea, hoping to soothe her.

A knock at the door drew away her gaze from the needle. "Come in Will...I don't know why you need to though, it's not as if I've gotten up and began to dance in the nude in the five minutes you where aw-" she said, pausing as a golden head popped through instead of the dark haired one she had anticipated.

"Jane," she said softly.

"Elizabeth, may I come in?" asked Jane her soft English inflection lilting her words.

"Of course...you needn't...come in," Lizzy stammered.

"Thank you," said Jane quietly.

"If you're looking for Will, he's down..."

"I saw him already," she said softly, "I called his cell on my way to the airport, I wanted to pop in and say good bye, and he told me where you where, and I wanted to see you." Said Jane simply.

"Thank you for your concern,"

"It seems as if we thank each other a lot," said Jane with a tiny smile, easing the tension.

"You're leaving today?" asked Lizzy

"My flight is in an hour or so...and to confess the truth I do miss London, I mean America is wonderful, but..."

"home will always be home." Said Lizzy with a smile.

"That it will be, how are you feeling?"

"I'm alright, I'd be better if I where at home reading a book though," said Lizzy returning her shy smile.

"I know you'll be fine..."said Jane as she shook free her golden mane.

Envy stung at Lizzy as was once again confronted by her 'competitor's' beauty, yet competitor she would never be, for how could she ever compete with her .

Jane gently squeezed Lizzy's hand, the coldness of metal pressing against her skin. At the sight of the simple yet elegant diamond ring that encircled her finger Lizzy's throat tightened and her heart thudded in her ears Will .

"That's a beautiful ring Jane," said she trying to keep her voice level and free of the anxiety that threatened to engulf her.

"Thanks," said Jane softly, "I love it as well."

"It's not...Is it...from...is it new?" asked Lizzy stammering from fear.

"actually it's a few years old now, an engagement ring from a rather different era in my life."

"I didn't know that you where engaged."

"Was...engaged, to a wonderful wonderful man, he was a captain in the Navy, and then, well there was an accident and well..."

"I'm so sorry,"

"Why? You don't inspect faulty airplane engines do you?" said Jane her laugh almost bitter, and oozing with sorrow. "I'm sorry...sometimes things just happen without reason, without any explanation. And then you're left standing there...with everything you ever held dear washed away in the night...forced to pick up the pieces and start over." Her eyes gazing off in the distance as she spoke.

"Jane...I had no idea...it's just that you, your life seemed so..."

"perfect? We all, all of us have our hidden sorrows, our past disappointments and tragedies..." her voice trailing off, suddenly she was jolted back from her reverie to glance down at her watch. "Oh my flight is in a bit...I have to go," and suddenly the smile that had covered so many tears had reappeared on Jane's countenance, only now Lizzy realized that it was truly a facade.

"I hope to see you again soon, Jane," said Lizzy earnestly.

"as do I dear," said Jane as she squeezed her hand once again.

"Goodbye...have a safe flight."

"Goodbye Elizabeth."

"Jane?"

"Yes?"

"Call me Lizzy," she said with a smile.

"Goodbye Lizzy," said Jane returning the smile with a tiny wave as she walked out of the room.

XI

Posted on Tuesday, 5 September 2000

"Hey," he said softly as he closed the door behind him.

"Hey to you too," said Lizzy with a weak smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he came to her bedside and placed his palm to her cheek.

"As if someone hit me upside the head with a sledgehammer," she said with a chuckle.

"That great eh?" he said returning the smile although his insides twisted with the desire to ease her suffering. "Jane came by,"

"I know I saw her right before you did."

"She's really incredible, I mean you don't meet many people as wonderful as she is anymore," said Lizzy trying to keep her voice light as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

"She really is a sweet girl," he said almost disinterestedly.

"She told me about...about her past and her fiancé."

"That's how she came to work for the corporation you know...my business partner in London, Richard, went to school with her fiancé. They where roommates in military academy, and Jane was one of the professors daughters. They met in a little bookstore when they where fifteen...and he died 4 months before their wedding."

"Oh God," she whispered.

"It had been Jane who had insisted that they delay the wedding till his tour where over so they could take a longer honeymoon. She blamed herself for his death, sometimes I think she still does. She didn't leave her house for half a year, didn't see anyone, she simply went from home to the cemetery and back again. Then Richard gave her this job and she slowly came back to life."

Lizzy wiped away a sympathetic tear. "And sometimes I think my life is bad," she whispered, "but then I imagine or at least try to imagine what it must be like to lose the love of your life, and I realize I've got it pretty great," she said choking back a sob. "Because I've got you and Georgie," she said as her hand went up to his cheek and caressed his face, "and you're all I need."

"Lizzy," he said his voice hoarse with emotion, "you've got to get better, I can't make it without you Lizzy, I can't even breathe without you...any minute without is like a minute half lived." He said as he squeezed his eyes to stave off the tears.

"Will, you have so much...so much besides me," she said as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Do you know how much I love Lizzy?" he whispered softly in her ear, as he brushed her hair back.

Yet instead of uttering her customary 'I know' as was tradition, her voice faltered, "I...I love you too Will,"

Will looked as if cold water had been dashed at him. "Lizzy, please don't do this," he said pleadingly, a note of desperation creeping into his words.

"I have to Will," she said as she drew him down and kissed his eyelids, her voice clotted with emotion, "good byes are a strange thing, they're so horrible to do," she said mournfully, "but they're infinitely more horrible if you don't do them." She said with a choked sob.

"You're not going to say goodbye," he said as he held her close, "You're not leaving me," he said holding her tighter, "you're not!"

"I just want you to know how much I love you, how much I've always loved you."

"Then you can tell me tomorrow," he said firmly, "because I'm not going to lose you today Lizzy, I won't let you go." He said belligerently.

"Somehow I get the feeling it won't be up to you or me to make that decision."

Will broke down at that, for at that moment he realized that all that he had, all that he lived for, was wrapped up neatly and placed in the hands of Fate, and he was utterly powerless, "Lizzy," he said hoarsely, "I have to tell you something."

"I have so much to tell you as well," she said sadly, "but all that matters is that I love you, and I believe in you, wholly and completely," she said firmly, and she pressed his hands to her lips and then to her cheek, "if I...if I don't...if this is it....remember Will...just remember."

"If this is it," he said his lips barely forming the words, "rest assured that the rest of my life would be spent living in the past," he said through clenched teeth.

"Oh no you don't," she said almost smiling through her tears, "don't you go using me as an excuse for your sorry social life again."

"You are my life Elizabeth Isabel Bennet," he said softly as he planted a soft butterfly kiss on her forehead and then covered her face with them.

"...and you mine," she said passionately.

"Elizabeth!" cried a voice at the door, Georgie stood there, her body shaking with unshed tears and carefully concealed sobs.

"Georgie..."said Lizzy paling more than even Will thought possible.

"I had to find out when the housekeeper told me Lizzy...when where you going to tell me," she said as she wiped away a tear, "when you where in the recovery room."

"I didn't want to worry you sweetie," said Lizzy as she held out her arms to Georgie, who ran into them clutching Lizzy tightly.

"Lizzy, oh you have to get better, you just have too," said Georgie between sobs as Lizzy stroked her hair soothingly.

"It's alright sweetie," she just repeated over and over.

"Lizzy...you're my older sister, the only mother I've had for the past eight years, and my very best friend." Said Georgie her voice muffled by Lizzy's
shoulder.

"...and you two are the things that have made my life worth living." Said Lizzy passionately. "...you two are why I lie here with no regrets, completely and utterly satisfied and content with the life I've lived," said Lizzy as she kissed them both, before the nurses came to wheel her away.

XII

Posted on Monday, 25 September 2000, at 7 : 05 p.m.

His heart was breaking.

Had it only been 2 weeks?

Every moment since the memorial service had ripped him in two, the funeral had been a total blur.

He had wiped away Georgie's every tear with a total detachment.

He hadn't had a chance to breathe.

Let alone to grieve...

But then again all the time in the world wouldn't change a thing...

As he sliced the carrots for dinner, the first meal he had actually prepared ever, after giving the staff the night off for putting up them for the past few weeks.

Then there had been the funeral baked meats...

He had neighbors send baskets of food....

Did they really think they could fill the emptiness inside with a meatloaf?

"We're sorry for your loss"

He had thrown the basket across the table the first time he'd read THAT one, ofcourse they where sorry...but so what?

It couldn't change a thing...

Not a damn thing...

And now even the baked meats had stopped coming...as had the sympathy

All there was was a pile of carrots left from a basket of vegetables...

He kept slicing the carrot, into smaller and smaller pieces, and it was as if he hadn't dried them at all, for a clear liquid kept forming on top of them.

His tears...

He hadn't even noticed, he hadn't even felt them slither down his cheek and onto the cutting board...

But there they where after all, and as he sliced carrots, he wept, wept truly for the first time, the first moment he allowed his composure to crack, the first moment he didn't have to be 'strong for Georgie,' the first moment he allowed himself to grieve...

And once the floodgates opened they could not be staunched and choked sobs erupted from his very soul, as he pushed the carrots from the countertop and lay his arms upon the table and sobbed till there where no more tears left to cry

XIII

Posted on Friday, 22 December 2000, at 2 : 12 a.m.

a soft voice chimed in his ear, "Will?" she asked softly.

He stifled his sobs, and tried desperately to wipe the tears from his eyes. He felt her arms drape delicately about his neck and pull him towards her. His arms wrapped around her Lizzy's tiny body instinctively as her hand went up to his hair, carressing his curls. "It's alright," she murmured, "I miss them too...dear God I miss them...but at least we're in it together." She whispered in his ear, her voice breaking with emotion.

They rocked back and forth, his head buried in her neck. "You know they're the only people who've ever loved me..." she whispered almost to herself.

"I love you Elizabeth Bennet." He said softly.

"Really Will?"

"Will," "WILL!" Georgie said as she shook his arm bringing him back from his eight year old memories

He bolted straight up. "Lizzie?" he asked "is Lizzie Ok?"

"She's alright...It's benign! It's benign." Cried Georgie as she lept into the air.

"it's benign!" whooped Will as he twirled his sister through the hallway. The few nurses on shift this late into the night smiled appreciatively, each hoping that she would not have to be the one to tell them to keep it down.

"can we see her?" he asked Georgie as they stood outside her room.

"in a few hours, after she wakes up." Said Georgie her eyes dancing with glee.

"Will," Lizzie moaned softly as her eyes fluttered open.

"Elizabeth," he cried as one of his hands squeezed hers, and the other crept to her face cupping it gently. Somehow or the other Georgie had contrived to be absent from the room when Lizzie first regained consciousness, eager to leave her brother and Lizzie alone for a few moments at least.

"Elizabeth, it's benign" he said happily as he brought her hands to his lips.

"Oh Thank God," she whispered enjoying the sensation of his lips brushing against her skin. "How are you holding up?" she asked as she caressed his face gently.

"Oh Lizzy! I should be asking you that!" he laughed as his arms went around her tiny body gently, as she brought his head down towards hers, her lips pressing against his cheek.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again Lizzy!" he said hoarsely as he inhaled her intoxicating fragrance.

"Lizzie!" cried Georgie as she threw down the newspaper she had gone down to buy on pretense, and lept onto the bed, reaching around and holding her friend tightly.

"Elizabeth!" cried Georgie hours later as she began to put away some of Lizzie's things in anticipation of her discharge in the morning.

"what is it sweety?" asked Lizzy still a little groggy from her nap.

"huh?" cried Will as he lifted his head from Lizzy's lap, "I wasn't sleeping..." he mumbled.

"Sure you weren't Will," said Lizzy with a smile as she patted his head lovingly while she rolled her eyes at Georgie.

"I have a message for you." She said as she fished about in her expansive handbag, finally withdrawing a little sticky note. "Mrs. Reynolds called my cell, seems like some guy named Henry called and said he can't wait till next Thursday, he'll call back with the details." Said Georgie reading the note mechanically.

"Henry?" asked Will questioningly fully awake now. He turned to Lizzy, "are you...are you going to go?" he asked pleadingly.

"What do you think I should do?" she said as she withdrew her hand, pressing it lightly to her heart. just tell me not to go...just tell me you'll miss me...just tell me you love me...just...just...

"I think," he began, for once in your life don't be a selfish bastard Will, she wants to go...let her be happy...make her happy...she doesn't love you...stop living in a dream world... "I think you should go." He said as he felt his heart breaking.

"Oh," she said as her heart sunk, what did you think he would say stupid 'I love you Lizzy, don't leave me?' stop living in a dream world Elizabeth Isobella Bennet...wake up... "alright" she whispered.

"If you'll excuse me you two, I'm going to go get something to drink...I'll be right back." He said as he rose, trying to keep his voice light. He practically skipped from the room...until he closed the door, then he collapsed outside resting his head in his hands, sure that his heart would break in two.

XIV

Posted on Tuesday, 2 January 2001, at 2 : 30 a.m.

A week and a half later...

Lizzy looked at her reflection in the mirror, pleased at the almost rosy bloom to her cheeks. As she glanced down at her body she noticed the return of some of her curves as she put on a bit of weight. Even her hair was glossier. now if only she was happy

Will had been avoiding her. There where no two ways about it, he was always working or 'busy,' at meals he was silent, that is when he actually made it to the meal. She had come to seek him out once or twice, to ask if everything was alright, rather just to be with him. But he had only gruffly pushed her away with a stony, "I'm a little busy Lizzy...we'll talk later."

It had almost broken her heart.

Lizzy eased the small bottles of medication into her bag, one of the last things she had to pack for her trip tomorrow. She was only going for a week, but where this would lead, she didn't even know.

But she knew one thing. If Henry had the gumption to ask her to marry him again...she didn't think she'd be able to hold out. she didn't have a reason to holdout

"Mrs. Elizabeth Crawford" she mumbled to herself softly. It didn't sound right Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy ...if only...

"Damn" he swore as he shut the top of his laptop furiously. He couldn't concentrate, he couldn't read, he couldn't think. he couldn't even talk to the one person who always made him feel that all was right in the world

He leaned back against the chair, letting his eyes rest for a moment, but the minute he shut his lids, she appeared. Her smile, the twinkle of her eyes, her laugh. She woudn't even let him sleep. Whatever she felt for him, the affections perhaps for a friend, a brother...but for him she would always be the love of his life. The feelings he had attempted to deny for eight years, the affection that was anything but brotherly had slipped from his control.

Elizabeth Isobella Bennet held his mind, soul and heart in the very palm of her hand...

Had she never wondered why his relationships never lasted beyond a date or two? Had she never questioned the origin of the hatred he had for her every boyfriend?

He had to remain aloof, he had to keep a distance, if only to save his own heartache. Somehow it just wasn't working. He had seen the look of pain that had crossed Lizzy's face every time he had ignored her, it had almost made him break down and take her in his arms...almost. But then he thought of Henry...and how happy she would be in a few days...he was doing her a favor. By breaking down the friendship now he was making it easier for her to go. great rationale you coward

"Will?" great...now he was even hearing her voice. "Will?!!" she cried more forcefully. He bolted upright, rubbing his eyes as if rising from sleep. He immediately steeled his voice as he spoke, "Lizzy?"

She shrank from the harshness of his tone. She almost wavered, she almost turned and ran...

But she didn't.

"I need to talk to you Will," she said resolutely.

"so talk," he replied non-chalantly.

"I." She began drawing herself up. "I wanted to talk about...I wanted to talk about us...and I noticed that...are you alright Will?" she said as she rung her hands nervously.

"I'm fine." He said lying through his teeth. "and I'm not really sure what you mean by 'us' I've been busy lately...so I haven't gotten a chance to spend much time with you and Georgie. But don't take it personally or anything. We have our own lives now, it's only natural we should spend less and less time together." I should have been a lawyer, my capacity to lie so blatantly is being wasted here. The look on her face as he spoke tore him in two...tears welled up in her eyes...tears he longed to brush away with the back of his hand...

"I see." She said her voice filled with disbelief. who is this? It's not my Will...it can't be... Her eyes fell upon the pictures that lined his desk. Visions of better days. Her eyes automatically sought her favorite, a close up of Lizzie's head lying on Will's chest. It was taken while they where watching Georgie practice for a school play as a child. Laughter tugged at Will's mouth, but his eyes...his eyes where on her. She was so full of life then, her face full, unlike the sallow skeleton she was now; her hair full and shiny spread out like a fan on his chest...and now...

What if? Lizzy wondered. What if she had never been ill? Could Will have ever come to love her? But now...how could he even bear to look at the shrunken, withered shadow she had become? Lizzy reached past him and slammed the picture down on the desk, turned and walked towards the door.

Her action was like a splash of cold water to Will. It was so uncharacteristic of his mild-mannered Lizzy that he knew something was amiss. Like a bolt of lightening he was up at her side, his resolution to stay aloof faded at the sight of her unusual anger. "Lizzy," he said softly as he placed a hand protectively on her shoulder. He felt her stiffen beneath it. Her hand went up to her face as she angrily swatted away a few tears that had spilled onto her cheeks.

"What do you want?" she asked in a tone that was as weary as it was hurt. "Because I for one have tried everything...everything in my power to get you to lov...to look at me..." she paused for a moment aghast at her slip, "but you...I don't think I even know you anymore." She said before turning to look at Will with a look of intense sorrow and bolting from the door.

Will sunk to the floor, his hands cradling his head, Well Darcy I hope you're happy...you got exactly what you asked for...

XV

Posted on Thursday, 4 January 2001, at 12 : 34 a.m.

"Please don't go."

The words ripped from Lizzy's throat even before she was sure of it's origin, and like magic she was once again in her own world, sitting up in her bed, alone.

The light switched on and like a flash Will was by her side, kneeling on her bed and cradling her head in the crook of his arm. "The same dream?" he asked softly, not awaiting an answer as he enfolded her in his arms, the warmth of his skin seeping through the thin cotton of his shirt.

A remnant of Lizzy's anger from last night still clung to her, dictating her actions. But her sheer joy at seeing him, knowing he was alright overpowered that anger. She squeezed him tightly before gently taking his head in both her thin hands and bringing him slightly away from her so she could look him in the eye while she spoke. "It was the same dream Will...but this time...but this time I dreamt I was losing you!"

"Oh Lizzy..." he said softly, he was silenced by a finger to his lips.

"Just promise me one thing Will," she said as she searched his eyes.

"anything..." he replied softly.

"Just promise...always...oh Will," she cried flustered.... "if you ever die on me I'll Kill you." She cried not without a laugh at her own garbled speech.

"I won't." he said as he echoed her laughter. For that moment the hurt, the anxiety of the past few days was forgotten.

Will knew he should go, he knew he should run. His resolve, his committment to be distant...all dissolved by the enormous brown eyes that stared at him so lovingly. Without speaking he lowered both of them to the bed, wrapping his arms about her. treasure this moment Darcy...tomorrow she'll be gone...

Lizzy didn't dare to look up at his face, just being in his arms was enough. It was torture, it was bliss, but mostly it was perfect...for in her heart she knew this was as it should be...the two of them together...the knowledge that it would never be was too much for her to bear. savor the moment Lizzy, savor the illusion that for this moment at least he is yours...

"Elizabeth?" he murmured softly after she had begun to doze off

"Yes Will," she said sleepily as her hand gently draped across his neck.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he whispered.

"I know Will." She said as she snuggled closer to his body.

As she fell asleep to the sound of his beating heart, everything seemed right in the world once more.

moonlight

Pale glimmers of almost ethereal light danced on Lizzy's delicate features, her beauty almost took his breath away. He craned his neck to check the time. 3:00 am. Will often woke in the middle of the night, but never to a sight this beautiful. Her hand still draped about his neck, her fingers nestled in his hair. Heaven itself could not contain a greater joy than this.

Reason would impel him to leave. His resolve should carry him from the bed. But his love...ah...his love for her wouldn't allow him to stir, not even breathe. He lay there content, pushing the thought that tomorrow she would leave out of his mind. He wanted to wake her, to tell her not to go, to kiss her, to tell her he loved her.

But he was afraid.

Afraid of losing one of the last good things left in his life, the only thing that kept him going,

He was afraid of losing her.

Lizzy swatted at her ear, then shielded her eyes as sunlight streamed onto her face. Will's breath tickled her ear, she turned over slightly so that she could look at his face. He was so beautiful. Lizzy drank in the sight of him like a thirst craven man consumes water. This would have to last her a long time, how long even she didn't know.

Some time later, she dragged herself out of bed careful not to wake him. She dressed quickly and took her medication. As she slipped on her shoes she realized how intense a desire she had not to go. But she had to, if she didn't leave now she would spend the rest of her life longing for something that would never be. It would destroy her.

All that was left to do was call the taxi, that and say goodbye. Goodbye The early nature of the flight had made it neccessary for her to bid adieu to Georgie last night but Will Her beloved looked almost comical as he had taken a pillow as her substitute and was now curled around it rather convincingly. At times a shy smile would peak out above the pillow he's probably dreaming of Jane Lizzy's heart swelled with love for him as she leaned down and planted butterfly kisses all over his face. The last of these she planted on his forehead caused him to stir slightly. His eyelids fluttered open and he murmured softly, "Lizzy." And held out his hand to her. She took his hand hesitantly and allowed herself to be drawn back to bed, wrapped in his arms. She reveled in her place briefly then untangled herself once she heard his sleepy breathing once more.

But as she got up she felt his hand still clutching hers, with great difficulty and infinite sadness she released his hold. But not before kissing his palm and whispering...

"Goodbye Will..."

XVI

Posted on Friday, 5 January 2001, at 9 : 42 p.m.

Lizzy slowly pulled her gloves on....the seasons where swiftly changing and the wind blew with a chill. what a morning thought Lizzy sadly. The overcast skies and melancholy movements of the branches seemed so very appropriate to her mood. Her luggage surrounded her in the foyer, it was only a matter of waiting for the taxi now.

"Lizzy!" Will called from the top of the stairs. He raced down the steps, breathless. He ran his fingers through his curls, "I woke up Lizzy and you weren't there." He said more softly "...then I remembered." By this time he had reached Lizzy's side, he took her shoulders and slowly turned her towards him. "...you didn't even say goodbye." He finished with a sad smile.

"I said goodbye," she said struggling to keep her voice steady, "you just didn't hear me.

"Then it doesn't really count as goodbye does it?" he asked as he tilted her chin upwards so she would look him in the eye. The tears in her eyes caused him to place his hand on her cheek and gently wipe them away with his thumb. "Oh Lizzy...I will miss you, I hope you find what you're looking for in London."

"I'll miss you too Will...I don't even know what I'm looking for, I don't even know if I'm looking for anything at all."

"Then why are you going?" he asked, not without a little hesitation, his proximity to Lizzy's mouth was making him dizzy.

"I don't know," she said as he leaned in, her hair brushing his face, his mouth centimeters from hers.

"Then don't," he whispered.

"what where we talking about again?" she asked breathlessly.

"I don't remember." He said softly before leaning in to kiss her, but in that split second she hesitated. It was as if every hope, every desire she had ever had was coming true, and it had taken her a moment to process such joy. But in that hesitation Will say rejection. He turned away, furious at himself, and frightened at the prospect of scaring away his dearest Lizzy.

"Oh God, Lizzy I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair in consternation. "I mean you where going to go see Henry and..." he was interrupted by Lizzy standing before him and placing a finger on his lips.

"Will, I forgot about Henry just then," she said with great meaning as she looked into his eyes with a look of such intense longing that Will forgot all his consternation and took both her hands in his.

"Really?" he asked as she pulled him closer to her by the collar of his t-shirt.

"really," she whispered as his head bent down near hers.

beep beep the Sound of the taxi's horn surprised them both, both jumping backwards, breaking the spell. For a moment it seemed to Lizzy as if she had imagined it all. Simply wishful thinking. Lizzy said with great reluctance, "that's my taxi." tell me to stay Will

"Well," he said softly.

"Well," she replied as she turned towards the door. it must have just been my imagination Never before had reality been so harsh.

"Oh Lizzy one more thing," Will said non-chalantly before grabbing her arm and swinging her around into an embrace, and when their lips met...well for those of you who have experienced 'true love's first kiss' I need not expound, and for those of you who haven't there is no way I would ever be able to explain...

The passion, all the desire that he had felt for her swelled up in that one kiss, and as he pulled away, his eyes pleading he asked, "Well?"

"What do you think bozo?" she said with a laugh as she pulled his head down for another kiss. This time she wrapped her arms around his neck and his arms encircled her waist pulling her up towards him. They where so enraptured that they tripped over her luggage sending them sprawling on the ground.

"Enough of this," Will muttered before lifting her off her feet and carrying her to the den kissing her until she was perfectly breathless.

As soon as he lowered her onto the edge of the cream colored leather sofa in his den, Lizzy immediately pulled him towards her causing them both to fall backwards onto the sofa itself. Lizzy moaned softly as he kissed her neck. Yet all of sudden she sat up, sending Will tumbling from on top of her to onto the floor beneath.

"Oh Will the Taxi," she cried.

"You don't still mean to go do you?" he asked, "Because I don't want you to..." he was silenced by her kiss (which by now Lizzy had realized was a very effective way to shut him up)

"I don't want to go but the driver is still waiting out front."

"Oh I'll pay him the whole fare if he'll just wait a minute," Will said before returning her kiss.

"Oh Will go quickly, the faster you go the faster you'll come back." She said softly.

"Good point," he exclaimed as he ran out the door and into the cold. He reached the door of the taxi, opened the passenger side tossed the driver a Hundred dollar bill and thanked him heartily. Leaving a befuddled but very happy taxi cab driver.

"Now where was I?" asked Will before being greeted with his dearest Lizzy's laughter. Sometime later, Will pulled away from kissing her and looked down at the scene before him.

"What's wrong Will?" she asked as she stroked his cheek.

"Nothing," he responded as his eyes took in how beautiful she looked in her scarlet sweater, her creamy complexion and ebony curls in such contrast to the ivory of the sofa. With her hair spread like a fan about her head she looked every inch the mermaid. "I was just trying to capture how you look right now, I never want to forget this moment."

"Don't worry," she said with a smile, "if it's up to me there will be many more moments like these to come."

"I love you Lizzy, I love you with everything that I am, with my whole heart and soul. I can't even remember a time when I haven't been in love with you." He said as he kissed her face lightly. He slowly bent down on one knee besides the sofa. "Will you marry me?"

Lizzy knelt down before him and threw her arms about his neck, but not before crying out, "yes, Will a thousand times yes."

She sat down on top of him, straddling his chest. "So you love me eh?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"eh? Sort of a little bit, I guess." He muttered before pulling her down for a kiss.

"Then lets get married right away Will, I don't think I can wait very long before becoming your wife." She said as she planted kisses along his jaw line.

"Ok," he replied as he pulled her towards him, "I'll go get the car, I'll call up the company plane, we can go to Vegas..."

"Not this very minute," she replied after she silenced him again (by now she was getting rather good at it) "I don't want to get married without Georgie and Uncle Edward."

"How bout tomorrow, I'm sure he can fly in,"

"...and I can wear the cream color dress I got made."

"...it'll be perfect." He finished.

"do you know why it will be perfect Will?" she asked as she glowed with happiness.

" because someone finally gave me a spine transplant so I could ask you?" as he planted a kiss on her nose.

"close..." she said with a giggle "It's perfect because I have you..."

"that was pretty much my second guess." He said as he kissed his Lizzy, for to him it was a miracle to hold her, to love her, and to receive her love in return.

Lizzy ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing the errant curls, cupping his face lightly. "This seems like some wonderful dream Will," she said softly, "I never thought that you could...I never believed that you could love plain old me when you had Jane." She said quietly.

"Jane?" he asked with a smile, "what you must realize Lizzy was that Jane was never in the running, I mean how could she compete with the love of my life." He said as Lizzy snuggled close to him. "I have to be the luckiest man alive, falling in love with someone who isn't just the world's most incredible woman, but my best friend as well."

"It truly is Some Kind of Wonderful," she said before their lips met once more. The love that had been born from friendship and fueled by mutual affection now rose to form the bridge between them.

It was a union of two hearts, beating only for one another, so long separated by misunderstanding, finally beating together as one.

Epilogue:

For those of you whom have honored our dearest Georgie with your interest, rest assured that she did indeed find a great joy of her own. In the person of a certain English Richard she found a soulmate. The two couples did their best to ensure that their tiny family remain tiny no longer. Indeed, both couples ended up with rather sizeable broods. The melancholy that hung about Pemberley was soon dissipated, giving way to the joy and mirth that rang through those hallowed halls for years to come.

Our fairest Jane didn't spend the rest of her life mourning her lost love, nor did she spend it regretting Will. In time she came to love the young man who called her every so often, and somehow found a way to her heart. Let us just say that it was fortunate for all concerned that Will had insisted Lizzy give Henry Crawford Jane's phone number in London, 'just in case.'

It wasn't long after their first kiss that Elizabeth relinquished the name Bennet for the one she was always meant to have. The illness, the hardship, the angst all made their union even more sweet. Indeed, their lives long together where not devoid of sorrow or heartache, but when they where both withered and gray, surrounded by the children and grandchildren, they looked back with fondness upon their life. For they made every moment count, and to them each moment was of the utmost bliss...because they spent it together.

XV

Posted on Friday, 5 January 2001, at 9 : 42 p.m.

Lizzy slowly pulled her gloves on....the seasons where swiftly changing and the wind blew with a chill. what a morning thought Lizzy sadly. The overcast skies and melancholy movements of the branches seemed so very appropriate to her mood. Her luggage surrounded her in the foyer, it was only a matter of waiting for the taxi now.

"Lizzy!" Will called from the top of the stairs. He raced down the steps, breathless. He ran his fingers through his curls, "I woke up Lizzy and you weren't there." He said more softly "...then I remembered." By this time he had reached Lizzy's side, he took her shoulders and slowly turned her towards him. "...you didn't even say goodbye." He finished with a sad smile.

"I said goodbye," she said struggling to keep her voice steady, "you just didn't hear me.

"Then it doesn't really count as goodbye does it?" he asked as he tilted her chin upwards so she would look him in the eye. The tears in her eyes caused him to place his hand on her cheek and gently wipe them away with his thumb. "Oh Lizzy...I will miss you, I hope you find what you're looking for in London."

"I'll miss you too Will...I don't even know what I'm looking for, I don't even know if I'm looking for anything at all."

"Then why are you going?" he asked, not without a little hesitation, his proximity to Lizzy's mouth was making him dizzy.

"I don't know," she said as he leaned in, her hair brushing his face, his mouth centimeters from hers.

"Then don't," he whispered.

"what where we talking about again?" she asked breathlessly.

"I don't remember." He said softly before leaning in to kiss her, but in that split second she hesitated. It was as if every hope, every desire she had ever had was coming true, and it had taken her a moment to process such joy. But in that hesitation Will say rejection. He turned away, furious at himself, and frightened at the prospect of scaring away his dearest Lizzy.

"Oh God, Lizzy I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair in consternation. "I mean you where going to go see Henry and..." he was interrupted by Lizzy standing before him and placing a finger on his lips.

"Will, I forgot about Henry just then," she said with great meaning as she looked into his eyes with a look of such intense longing that Will forgot all his consternation and took both her hands in his.

"Really?" he asked as she pulled him closer to her by the collar of his t-shirt.

"really," she whispered as his head bent down near hers.

beep beep the Sound of the taxi's horn surprised them both, both jumping backwards, breaking the spell. For a moment it seemed to Lizzy as if she had imagined it all. Simply wishful thinking. Lizzy said with great reluctance, "that's my taxi." tell me to stay Will

"Well," he said softly.

"Well," she replied as she turned towards the door. it must have just been my imagination Never before had reality been so harsh.

"Oh Lizzy one more thing," Will said non-chalantly before grabbing her arm and swinging her around into an embrace, and when their lips met...well for those of you who have experienced 'true love's first kiss' I need not expound, and for those of you who haven't there is no way I would ever be able to explain...

The passion, all the desire that he had felt for her swelled up in that one kiss, and as he pulled away, his eyes pleading he asked, "Well?"

"What do you think bozo?" she said with a laugh as she pulled his head down for another kiss. This time she wrapped her arms around his neck and his arms encircled her waist pulling her up towards him. They where so enraptured that they tripped over her luggage sending them sprawling on the ground.

"Enough of this," Will muttered before lifting her off her feet and carrying her to the den kissing her until she was perfectly breathless.

As soon as he lowered her onto the edge of the cream colored leather sofa in his den, Lizzy immediately pulled him towards her causing them both to fall backwards onto the sofa itself. Lizzy moaned softly as he kissed her neck. Yet all of sudden she sat up, sending Will tumbling from on top of her to onto the floor beneath.

"Oh Will the Taxi," she cried.

"You don't still mean to go do you?" he asked, "Because I don't want you to..." he was silenced by her kiss (which by now Lizzy had realized was a very effective way to shut him up)

"I don't want to go but the driver is still waiting out front."

"Oh I'll pay him the whole fare if he'll just wait a minute," Will said before returning her kiss.

"Oh Will go quickly, the faster you go the faster you'll come back." She said softly.

"Good point," he exclaimed as he ran out the door and into the cold. He reached the door of the taxi, opened the passenger side tossed the driver a Hundred dollar bill and thanked him heartily. Leaving a befuddled but very happy taxi cab driver.

"Now where was I?" asked Will before being greeted with his dearest Lizzy's laughter. Sometime later, Will pulled away from kissing her and looked down at the scene before him.

"What's wrong Will?" she asked as she stroked his cheek.

"Nothing," he responded as his eyes took in how beautiful she looked in her scarlet sweater, her creamy complexion and ebony curls in such contrast to the ivory of the sofa. With her hair spread like a fan about her head she looked every inch the mermaid. "I was just trying to capture how you look right now, I never want to forget this moment."

"Don't worry," she said with a smile, "if it's up to me there will be many more moments like these to come."

"I love you Lizzy, I love you with everything that I am, with my whole heart and soul. I can't even remember a time when I haven't been in love with you." He said as he kissed her face lightly. He slowly bent down on one knee besides the sofa. "Will you marry me?"

Lizzy knelt down before him and threw her arms about his neck, but not before crying out, "yes, Will a thousand times yes."

She sat down on top of him, straddling his chest. "So you love me eh?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"eh? Sort of a little bit, I guess." He muttered before pulling her down for a kiss.

"Then lets get married right away Will, I don't think I can wait very long before becoming your wife." She said as she planted kisses along his jaw line.

"Ok," he replied as he pulled her towards him, "I'll go get the car, I'll call up the company plane, we can go to Vegas..."

"Not this very minute," she replied after she silenced him again (by now she was getting rather good at it) "I don't want to get married without Georgie and Uncle Edward."

"How bout tomorrow, I'm sure he can fly in,"

"...and I can wear the cream color dress I got made."

"...it'll be perfect." He finished.

"do you know why it will be perfect Will?" she asked as she glowed with happiness.

" because someone finally gave me a spine transplant so I could ask you?" as he planted a kiss on her nose.

"close..." she said with a giggle "It's perfect because I have you..."

"that was pretty much my second guess." He said as he kissed his Lizzy, for to him it was a miracle to hold her, to love her, and to receive her love in return.

Lizzy ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing the errant curls, cupping his face lightly. "This seems like some wonderful dream Will," she said softly, "I never thought that you could...I never believed that you could love plain old me when you had Jane." She said quietly.

"Jane?" he asked with a smile, "what you must realize Lizzy was that Jane was never in the running, I mean how could she compete with the love of my life." He said as Lizzy snuggled close to him. "I have to be the luckiest man alive, falling in love with someone who isn't just the world's most incredible woman, but my best friend as well."

"It truly is Some Kind of Wonderful," she said before their lips met once more. The love that had been born from friendship and fueled by mutual affection now rose to form the bridge between them.

It was a union of two hearts, beating only for one another, so long separated by misunderstanding, finally beating together as one.

Epilogue:

For those of you whom have honored our dearest Georgie with your interest, rest assured that she did indeed find a great joy of her own. In the person of a certain English Richard she found a soulmate. The two couples did their best to ensure that their tiny family remain tiny no longer. Indeed, both couples ended up with rather sizeable broods. The melancholy that hung about Pemberley was soon dissipated, giving way to the joy and mirth that rang through those hallowed halls for years to come.

Our fairest Jane didn't spend the rest of her life mourning her lost love, nor did she spend it regretting Will. In time she came to love the young man who called her every so often, and somehow found a way to her heart. Let us just say that it was fortunate for all concerned that Will had insisted Lizzy give Henry Crawford Jane's phone number in London, 'just in case.'

It wasn't long after their first kiss that Elizabeth relinquished the name Bennet for the one she was always meant to have. The illness, the hardship, the angst all made their union even more sweet. Indeed, their lives long together where not devoid of sorrow or heartache, but when they where both withered and gray, surrounded by the children and grandchildren, they looked back with fondness upon their life. For they made every moment count, and to them each moment was of the utmost bliss...because they spent it together.

---