"Sorry, Sunshine," Brian said in that annoyingly superscillious tone he always got when he was about to be an asshole, "I've already got some hardcore plans for tonight." Brian nodded towards the dark haired trick to his left. With a smirk, Brian then pushed the trick towards the backroom and left Justin standing there.

Justin took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. It wasn't like he hadn't lived this a million times before with Brian, but he really, really needed a ride to his mom's house. His mother had called him just as his shift had ended at the diner; she desperately needed someone to look after Molly while she visited her sick sister in Dallas. His dad, as usual, was being a total asshole and refusing to help, and their usual babysitter was away on her own family emergency. So, he had asked Debbie if he could leave early, had gathered his coat with her agreement, and headed over to Babylon to get Brian to take him to his mom's; however, when he got there Brian was already heavily making the moves on said trick.

With a disappointed sigh, Justin turned and began walking out of Babylon. Just as he was about to the exit, Emmett caught up with him, and grabbed him from behind by his jacket.

"Hey, Justin, hold up a minute!"

"Hi, Emmett," Justin responded with a half-smile, "Not to be rude or anything, but I need to head out to my mom's house. I'll have to catch you later. I should be at the diner tomorrow afternoon, if you want to catch up then."

"Yeah, I know, sweetie," Emmett assured him, "I overheard you talking to Brian about getting to your mom's house. These are my friends, Tom and Andrew. Andrew has a car, and he's offered to drop you off before we head over to Tom's apartment, which, lucky for you, happens to be on that side of town."

"Oh, that would be great! Thanks a lot!" Justin beamed.

Twenty minutes later, Justin's mom was in a cab on her way to the airport; Justin was popping a bag of popcorn; and Molly was selecting a movie to watch. An hour after that, Justin stopped the movie, and put his already sleeping sister in her bed. Feeling a bit tired himself, he locked up, cleaned up the popcorn in the living room, and headed to bed.

Justin woke late the next morning to someone banging on the front door. Taking a moment to put on some sweat pants, he headed downstairs, and opened the door to find Brian there with a smirk on his face.

"Afternoon," Brian said as he pushed his way inside, and moved his arms to indicate the bag of food and two cups of coffee in them. "I brought you breakfast."

"Thanks."

"Where's your sister?"

"Upstairs, still sleeping." Justin said as he looked at the clock on the stove, and realized just how late it really was. He had planned on being at the zoo by 10am.

"No, I'm not." Molly said, walking down the stairs while yawning. "Hi, Brian."

"Hello, little Taylor."

"Did you bring breakfast for us?" the young girl asked with a really big smile on her face. Justin could tell that there were now two Taylors smitten with Brian Kinney. Brian nodded, placed the food on the table, and sat down beside Justin.

"Grab some orange juice," Justin said before she could sit down. She went to the refrigerator, pulled out the carton of OJ, and then grabbed a glass out of the cabinet.

"So, what are we doing today, Justin," the youngest Taylor asked as she placed the items on the table.

"Yeah, Justin," Brian asked and arched an eyebrow, "What are we doing today?"

"Well, I was thinking the zoo, Molly."

"I'm not a baby!" she emphatically responded.

"What do you want to do, then?"

"I want to go see that pirate movie. That pirate is...HOT!" she whispered the last word.

"I like your sister. She's got excellent taste." Brian assured Justin. Justin just snorted, while Molly beamed.

"So, movie?" Brian asked the two and received two nods of assent.

After their late breakfast, Justin sent Molly to get ready while he cleaned the kitchen.

"So..." Brian said, unusually hesitant in his tone.

Justin turned and shrugged in confusion. "So, what?"

"Not going to give me any shit for last night?"

"No, I told you, Brian, I get you. I know what to expect. You were busy. So, I got a ride with Emmett and his new friends."

"And that's it?"

"That's it? Are you looking for a fight?" Justin asked, his tone more than annoyed.

Brian put his hands up in a surrender fashion and shook his head.

A few minutes later, Molly returned dressed and ready to go. Justin had to stop himself from snickering when he noticed she was wearing her special occasion lip gloss, the one that she used to impress the 'cute' boys at school.

They watched the pirate movie with the hottie, had some ice cream, and went to the park. By dinner time, Brian was bitching about the heat and humidity wrinkling his Prada shirt (Justin rolled his eyes at this- it was only in the 60s), Molly was complaining of her legs hurting, and Justin was annoyed with both of them.

"I'm tired of the park, the movie, and everything else. Can we just go home?" Molly asked.

Brian, with an intense look of relief, immediately responded with a, "Yes!"

Fifteen minutes later, they were trailing down the highway in Jennifer's Ford Taurus. When they pulled into the driveway, Justin noticed that Emmett was sitting in the driveway. Seeing them driving up, Emmett stood up and began waving frantically. Brian, in the car, snorted, which made Molly laugh.

"Hi!" Emmett practically screeched.

"What are you doing here, Emmett?"

"Well...Ummm...Didn't you tell him, Brian?"

"Tell me what?"

Brian bit his lip and then stuck his tongue in his cheek. Justin knew with that little move that something was going down.

"Well, Brian called me this morning and asked me to come over and watch the gorgeous Miss Molly Taylor for the evening." Emmett said, and then winked at Molly. Molly giggled and winked back.

"He did, did he?" Justin looked pointedly at Brian.

Brian shrugged and nodded.

"And why did you feel the need to ask Emmett to come over here tonight?"

"Thought you might want to go to Babylon with me."

"You can go, Justin," Molly assured her brother, "Emmett and I can play dress up. He always makes my hair look so pretty!"

"Awww, thanks, sweetie," Emmett replied, blushing.

"Well, I told my mom that I would be the one to stay with Molly this weekend."

"Oh, don't worry, Sunshine, I'll have you home in time for night-night." Brian added in his usual sarcastic manner.

"Fine. I'll go, but we have to be back by one."

Brian smirked and played along. "Three."

Justin grinned. "Two."

"Done."

"Oh, goodie," Emmett exclaimed while clapping, "Let's go, Molly, I know just the eye shadow to use on that pretty face."

Justin laughed as he watched the two go into the townhouse. "So, you'll be back to pick me up?"

"No, I figured we could stop at the diner for dinner."

Justin arched his eyebrow in a classic Kinney imitation.

Brian shrugged. "It's not a date or anything; it's us feeding ourselves before we fuck the night away at Babylon."

Justin nodded in agreement, "So, let me go change." With that said, he turned and went into the house. Brian followed.

Four hours later, Brian and Justin were sitting in a dark alcove at Babylon cackling like old hens.

"Want another puff?" Brian asked, haphazardly waving a joint in front of Justin's face.

Justin laughed and began singing, "Puff the Magic Dragon lives by the sea..."

Brian snorted and pulled Justin in for a kiss.

"What was that for?" Justin asked breathily when Brian finally let him go.

"To get you to shut the fuck up," Brian said with a smirk.

Justin grinned and opened his mouth as if to sing again. Brian quickly covered it with his one hand as he lifted the joint to his mouth with the other.

Justin mumbled something, but Brian couldn't understand him as his hand was still covering Justin's mouth.

"What was that?" he asked, removing his hand.

"I said that that guy is HOT!" Justin said, pointing to a guy that was, Brian agreed, extraordinarily hot.

"Dibs!" Justin said as he stood up and sauntered over the guy in question.

Brian laughed when he saw the guy pulling Justin to the backroom. Finding a trick of his own, Brian followed them into a back corner.

Brian watched intently as he saw the hot guy fall to his knees and begin to suck Justin off. He saw Justin's head fall back to the wall and his eyes close in carnal delight. He could tell that Justin was just about to shoot when the guy stopped and intently fondled Justin's balls. He then said something to Justin that caused Justin's eyes to fly open. The guy then grabbed Justin's hands and placed them on Justin's balls. He said something else and Justin's eyes got huge. They began feeling around Justin's balls again and Justin nodded to something that the guy said. Brian, not sure what was going on, pushed his own trick away and decided to walk over to Justin. He watched as Justin's trick pulled something out of his pocket, handed it to Justin, and touched him on the shoulder before walking away.

Brian, more than a little concerned, got to Justin just as he was zipping his pants up.

"Everything ok?" Brian asked.

Justin, who had this unidentifiable look on his face, nodded, and began walking out of the backroom. Brian followed him feeling very uneasy. Justin walked straight to the bar and asked for a double Jim Beam. He slammed it before Brian even caught up to him.

"Justin?"

"I'm ready to go." Justin said as he pushed away from the bar. Brian followed him.

Once in the Corvette, Brian tried again, "So, I guess it was a crappy blow job?"

"It was ok," Justin quietly responded. He then turned, huffed a breath onto the cold, passenger side window, and finger doodled on the resulting condensation. The rest of the drive was made in silence. When Brian pulled into the driveway, Justin was out the door before Brian pulled the parking brake.

By the time Brian was in the house, Justin was nowhere to be seen. Brian arched his eyebrows in a questioning manner to Emmett, who was looking oddly at Brian. Emmett quickly pointed to the stairs and put his attention back to Molly, who was going through his makeup case. Brian knocked once and then entered Justin's room. Justin was lying on his bed facing away from the door.

"Must have been some good weed, eh?" Brian attempted to joke as he sat down on the bed.

Justin shrugged.

"You going to tell me what happened back there?"

Justin simply shook his head.

"Justin?" There was no response.

A few minutes later, Brian tried again, "Justin?"

Justin still did not respond, which thoroughly pissed Brian off.

"Fine, be a twat then. I'm going back to Babylon." Justin did not respond.

The next morning, Justin got up, got ready for the day, and went to check on Molly. She was, to his relief, still sleeping. He was not ready to deal with an energetic kid just yet. Heading downstairs, he was dumbfounded to find Emmett and Brian, one sleeping on the floor and the other sleeping on the sofa.

Still not wanting to deal with anyone, especially Brian, Justin tried to slip into the kitchen unnoticed, but Brian sat up before he got there.

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

Justin nodded and went into the kitchen. Brian followed him.

"Are you going to talk to me? Tell me what happened last night?" Brian asked.

"Nothing to tell. I had some fun, smoked some weed, and decided to leave."

"What about the trick?"

"What about him?"

"What did he hand you last night before he walked away? Was he harassing you?"

"Nothing and no."

"Justin..."

"There's nothing to tell, Brian, just let it go." Justin opened the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of eggs.

"Scrambled or Benedict style?"

"Neither, I promised I'd have Emmett back to his apartment by 10am."

"Ok. Have a good one." Justin turned back to the range and began preparing to make some scrambled eggs.

Brian huffed and yelled for Emmett to have his ass in the Corvette in ten minutes.

Once Emmett and Brian were gone, Justin pulled the card from last night's trick from his pant's pocket.

It read:
Dr. Adam Jones, Oncologist
655 Liberty Avenue Pittsburgh, PA.

Jennifer returned to Pittsburgh five days later on a red eye from Dallas saying that her sister was doing great. Justin gave her a hug, kissed Molly on the forehead, and told them that he had a shift at the diner in 30 minutes. He dashed out the door and made it just in time.

Debbie, predictably, greeted him with a loud shout and a hug. "Have fun with Molly?" she asked while popping her gum. Justin nodded as he wrapped an apron around his waist.

Seconds later, the bell above the door rang as someone entered the diner. Justin was walking to the back to stamp his timesheet when he heard Brian say, "Not so fast, twat."

Justin stopped, turned around, and looked at Brian expectantly. "Yes?"

"I thought you were coming to the loft last night?"

"Well, my mom couldn't get a flight back until today. Besides, if you were so worried, why didn't you call my cell phone?" Justin said to him with just a touch of defiance.

Brian walked up to Justin, put his hand in Justin's pocket, pulled out his phone, opened it up, and said, "I did. Looks like it's off. Besides, I wasn't worried- I was horny." Brian smirked.

Justin gave him a small smile. "Sorry. Things were crazy with Molly and all."

Brian gave him a piercing glare that seemed, to Justin, to be trying to read his mind. "Mmm-hhmmm...Get me some coffee, I'm in a hurry."

Justin rolled his eyes, but handed him a cup of coffee to go. As Brian took the cup from Justin's hands, he pulled him in for a scorching kiss. "Thanks. Later."

"Later," Justin repeated as Brian walked out the door.

Justin was in the middle of an exciting table cleaning when Debbie told him that Kiki was sick and asked if he would mind staying for a second shift.

"Sorry, Deb, I can't. I have an appointment this afternoon."

"Oh? Is he tall, dark, and handsome?" Debbie said and cackled, as she laughed at her own joke. "I guess I'll call and see if anyone else can come in."

"Sorry," Justin said again, "I really need to go to this appointment."

"What appointment?" Brian asked as he walked up behind Justin and put his arms around him.

"Oh, nothing," Justin airily said. Brian turned him around to face him and gave him a long, hard stare. Justin stood his ground and held his gaze.

Finally backing off, Brian said, "So, where's my turkey sandwich with no mayo?"

Justin gave him a nose wrinkling smile and assured him that it would be right up. He watched Brian take a seat in his normal booth and was relieved when Michael showed up a few minutes later. If anyone could keep Brian preoccupied, it was Michael and his endless chatter. Justin couldn't believe it when fifty minutes later, Brian was still sitting there talking to Michael. He walked to the break room, put his stuff away, put on his coat and gloves, and tried to sneak out the back. Unlucky for him, Brian was waiting at the end of the alley.

"Going some place special, sunshine?" Brian asked in a very annoying voice.

"Nope." Justin had decided to not give in on this.

"Sure you don't need a ride? I have a few more minutes before Ted'll call me with something new that someone has fucked up. They average about an hour on their own these days." Brian sarcastically said, but his eyes were watching Justin intently.

"No, thanks. Want to meet at Babylon later?" Justin asked, hoping to get Brian off the subject of where he was going.

"Can't. I have a meeting tomorrow that I need to do more preparations for. Why don't you meet me at the loft? I'll grab some Thai on the way home."

Justin nodded. "Sure. Later."

"Later." Brian replied before giving Justin one more nerve wracking glance and heading to the Corvette. Justin was close to the bus stop when he heard the Corvette's wheels squeal as Brian drove off.

He sketched a bit on the way over to the clinic and tried not to think about what might or might not be ahead of him. He practically jumped when the bus driver announced that his stop was coming up. Steeling himself, he put away his sketch pad and readied himself to get off the bus.

The short distance to the clinic's entrance seemed to take forever. He pulled out his insurance card and signed in with the secretary. She assured him that the doctor was running on schedule and he would be called back shortly. Justin thanked her and sat down. He considered pulling his sketch pad out and just as he went to retrieve it from his bag- a nurse called his name.

Greeting her with a half-smile, she walked him back to the clinic area. She took his weight, height, blood pressure, and temperature. She then, after giving him an encouraging smile, guided him back to a small room with an examination table, a chair, and some medical supplies.

"The doctor will be right with you," she assured him as she closed the door behind her on her way out.

Justin opted to take a seat in the chair. Grabbing his sketch pad, he decided to doodle. Before long, he realized that he was drawing this boring room and all the things in it. Realizing what he was doing- possibly drawing an important moment in his life, he tossed the pad and pencil in his bag. This was not going to be a life changing moment, he decided. No, it wasn't. He was just making sure that the trick from the other night was wrong. That there was not a lump in his testicle. And even if there was, it was nothing- absolutely nothing- to worry about. That's why he was here. As he was mentally talking to himself, the doctor knocked and walked in.

"Mr. Taylor?" the innocuous looking man asked. He was tall, dark haired, wore glasses, and had a gentle face. Justin found himself liking the man immediately. Finding that his voice wouldn't cooperate, he simply nodded in response to the man's question.

The man offered his hand and Justin shook it. "I'm Dr. Finnegan. I see here on your paperwork that you listed Dr. Jones, one of our doctors, as a referral."

Again, Justin simply nodded.

"Good," the doctor replied. "Well, why don't you tell me why you are here, Mr. Taylor?"

"Ummm," Justin started. He coughed to clear his throat, and tried again. "Please, it's Justin...Well, I was- ummm- out- umm - last week and Dr. Jones said that he thought he felt a lump in my testicle."

The doctor gave Justin a small smile. "It's okay, Justin, we know that Dr. Jones is gay. I'm assuming you are, too?"

Justin nodded.

"Very well, then. Did you feel the lump, too, or just Dr. Jones?"

"Actually, Dr. Jones showed me where it was."

The doctor nodded and made a few notes. "Could you find it again?"

Justin nodded. Unfortunately, he could. That's why he was here. Because there was no denying there was a lump.

"Very well, why don't you remove your pants and briefs, put on this gown, and show me. I'll be right outside. Just push this button," the doctor pointed to a green button on the side of the examination table, "When you are ready, all right?"

Justin felt completely stupid when he realized that he was nodding again. Once the doctor was out of the room and the door was closed, Justin toed off his trainers, pulled off his pants and briefs, and put on the hospital-like gown that tied in the back. Sitting down on the edge of the examination table, he hesitantly put his finger on the green button and pushed.

The doctor walked back in with a nurse and, after the nurse plumped up the pillow at the top of the table, asked Justin to lie back. Putting on a pair of gloves, the doctor said, "This might be slightly uncomfortable. Any guidance you can give me on the location of the lump will help keep the discomfort to a minimum."

"It's in my left testicle, on the left side." Justin felt the bottom of his gown being pulled up and his left testicle being taken into a hand. It was lightly massaged and then tugged on a little bit.

"There?" the doctor asked after concentrating on one area for a few seconds.

"Yes," Justin responded.

Helping him sit up, the doctor asked Justin to stand up. Once again lifting the gown, the doctor felt his left testicle again. He then turned his attention to the right testicle, and back to the left.

Pushing the gown back down, the doctor looked at Justin. "I think it was wise that you followed up so quickly. Why don't you get dressed and meet me in my office. It's the blue office at the end of the hall."

Justin, as he was getting dressed, couldn't unravel the knot that had settled in his belly. He knew that something was very, very wrong.

He left the room and went down the hall to the blue office. The doctor waived him in and asked him to take a seat.

"I'm very glad, Justin, that you decided to have this checked out. There is definitely a lump and it is irregular in size." Justin thought that he said that last part as if it should mean something to him. "Therefore," the doctor continued, "I think it wise that we order a biopsy as soon as possible. Are you free tomorrow?"

Justin nodded.

"Good. I'll have the nurse call and make you an appointment for tomorrow."

"What will it entail?" Justin cautiously asked.

"Well, Justin, the best way to 'biopsy' a testicle is to remove it. It's also safer; in case, there is a problem."

"As in..."

"I'll be frank, Justin, I think we are dealing with cancer, but, again, we won't know for sure until after the biopsy. Once we know what we are actually dealing with, then we can formulate a move forward plan."

"Which could include?" Justin asked.

"Chemotherapy, Radiation...it all depends on whether or not it is actually cancer. If it is, we'll find out what areas have been affected and take the necessary steps. Justin," the doctor paused then and made sure that Justin was looking at him, "If it is cancer, you have a very good chance of a full recovery, as long as we've caught it early. And we won't know anything, until we do the biopsy."

"Tomorrow?" Justin echoed from earlier.

"Yes, tomorrow."

Justin took a deep breath and said, "Ok."

The bus ride back from the clinic was the worst ride ever, and it had nothing to do with the bus.

Justin didn't head directly to Brian's loft. Instead, he found a bench on Liberty Avenue and people watched until the sun was setting and the air was quite chilled. He then grabbed his bag and began the short walk to the loft. By the time he got there, Brian was already there. He was opening several containers of food when Justin opened the metal door.

"Hey," Brian greeted him and waived towards the food. "Hungry?"

"Not really," Justin replied as he placed his bag, coat, and gloves on a barstool.

Brian arched his eyebrow at that, but, thankfully, didn't say anymore. He took his container and sat down on his white couch, flipped on the TV with the remote, and began channel surfing.

Justin took a deep breath, walked over to the couch, and sat down.

After finding an old black and white movie that Justin had never seen before, Brian turned to him, "You ok?"

"Peachy," Jusitn replied with a small smile that looked more like a grimace. He sat back and pretended to be very interested in the movie. Brian, after watching him closely for several minutes, finally turned and began watching the movie and eating.

Just as Brian was about to finish his dinner, Justin turned and said, "I think I'll go take a shower."

"Want some company?" Brian asked with a cocky smile.

"No, that's ok. I know you have work to do." If Justin hadn't been so preoccupied with his worrying, he might have snickered at the look of shock on Brian's face.

Thirty minutes later, when the water was quite cold and Justin was exhausted from all of his worrying, he got out of the shower and wrapped himself in one of Brian's Egyptian cotton towels. Walking into the bedroom, he saw that Brian was still on the computer. Without saying anything to Brian, he got into bed and was asleep in minutes.

A good while later, he woke to a warm, wet sensation around his cock. At first, he let himself enjoy the feeling, but then reality hit. The last thing he wanted was for Brian to feel the lump. He frantically pushed Brian off his cock. Brian gave him a crazy look. "What the fuck, Justin?"

Justin decided to cover his tracks by diverting Brian's attention. He quickly flipped over onto his stomach and began begging Brian to fuck him. "Please, Brian, fuck me." Justin sensed Brian's hesitation, so he rubbed against Brian and moaned loudly, "Please, Brian, please."

He knew the moment Brian relented. He felt a soft touch on the middle of his back followed by a light kiss at his nape. Wanting everything to continue for a myriad of reasons, Justin loudly moaned again. "Please, Brian, fill me." And, just as he was 99% sure it would, he felt Brian's cock line up to enter him, then he felt the slow push forward, and the slow burn as Brian's cock slowly breached him. "Oh...Yes!"

Later, after Brian had his post-coital, non-cuddle, Justin took a moment to enjoy the feel of Brian's arms around him and forgot about tomorrow and all that it would entail.

Justin woke much earlier than usual. Since he needed to get Brian up early enough to talk to him, he changed the pre-set time on the coffeemaker and let the aroma of the brewing coffee fill the loft. Predictably, Brian started fumbling around in the bed exactly 3 minutes into the brewing process. Justin had to cover his snigger with a, "Brian, are you getting up?"

A grunt was Brian's only response, but it was understood clearly. Justin went into the bedroom and began removing his clothing. Walking into the bathroom, he started the shower...Three, Two, One. For someone that hated monotony, Justin thought, Brian was an extremely predictable person.

After a fuck in the shower and their other morning ablutions, Justin went into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee: Brian's black, but with lots of sugar and his with lots of sugar and cream. He handed Brian's coffee to him as he sat down at the bar.

"You got a minute?"

"Well, I figured you woke me up fifteen minutes early for something," Brian flippantly responded, as he took a long drink of coffee.

"I just wanted to let you know that I won't be around for the next few days." Brian's eyebrows rose at that. "My mom's sister called and asked Mom to come back out for a few more days. Mom agreed, and I agreed to watch Molly."

"I thought your mom's sister was doing much better."

"She is," Justin assured him, "She just wants to spend a few more days with Mom." Brian nodded.

"Ok, want me to meet you at your mom's tonight?"

"No," Justin hastily said, "I have some sketches I want to finish, and I've got to worry about getting Molly to all the places she needs to go. So, I'll just catch up with you later this week."

Brian bit his upper lip and slowly nodded. "Ok. See you later." He grabbed his suit coat and brief case and walked to the door. "Don't forget to lock up."

"I won't. Later."

A few minutes later, Justin had set the alarm and locked the loft. Twenty minutes after that, Justin was walking into Alleghany General. He signed in and waited for the orderly to call him back.

"Justin Taylor..."

Justin stood and followed the man into his cubicle. The orderly handed him a hospital gown. "Remove your clothes and put this gown on- it closes in the back. The doctor should be in to see you before they take you down to the OR. Ok?"

Justin nodded and picked up the gown, getting into it after the orderly closed the curtains of his cubicle. Sitting down on the bed provided, he pulled out his sketch pad and flipped through it. Smiling as he looks at the pictures of Brian, Gus, Debbie, Lindsay, Melanie, Emmett in a pink boa, etc. They all were so important to him in so many different ways.

He heard the doctor's footsteps before he saw him. "Good morning, Justin," the doctor greeted him with a smile, "Are you ready to get this over with?"

With a small smile, Justin nodded in acknowledgement.

"Is there anyone we need to notify when the operation is over?"

"No one."

"No one?"

"No one."

"Ok, if you'll get into the bed, an orderly will roll you down to the OR momentarily."

Justin gets into the bed and waits. It seemed to take forever, but it really was only a minute or two before he's rolled down the hall and into the OR. A few minutes after that, he is asked to count backwards. And what seems like a few minutes later, he groggily wakes up in a place that he doesn't recognize with the warmest blankets on the planet keeping him warm. He must make some noise because a friendly face comes into his field of view and smiles at him.

"Welcome back, Mr. Taylor. I'm Gladys, your post-op nurse. The doctor asked me to tell you that he'll be by with your test results early tomorrow morning. But, for now, you get to be a special guest of mine!"

He gave her a weak smile and drifted back to sleep. He woke up much later, extremely thirsty. Once again, he sees the friendly face from earlier and she's holding a cup of water for him.

"I figured you might need this. Would you like to sit up, or would you like for me to get a special straw?"

"Sit up," is what he thinks came out of his mouth, but, to be honest, he's not sure. It must have been, though, because he feels himself start to move upwards and forward. Once he stopped moving, Gladys, he thinks that is her name, puts the cup to his lips and he takes a long sip.

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome. Now, you are about to have a change in venue. "Bob," she pointed to a male nurse behind her, "is going to take you to your new room. I hope you feel better very soon. Thanks for being my guest!" Justin gave her a little wave as Bob rolled him out the door. He's asleep before he gets to his new room.

The next time he finds consciousness, he's by himself in a green room that reminded Justin of mashed peas. He goes to shift, as his body seems a bit stiff, and finds that he does have some localized pain- a lot in fact. He feels around for a way to contact someone when the door to his room opens and Dr. Finnegan walks in.

"How are you feeling, Justin?"

"A little sore..." he replied, his voice gravelly.

Dr. Finnegan chuckled and responded, "I'm sure. I'll make sure to leave a prescription for you at the nurse's station. Ok?" Justin nodded gratefully and the doctor continues, "I have your test results. Are you up to talking now?" Again, Justin nods. "It's as we thought: You have Stage 1 testicular cancer." Justin felt his heart, stomach, pretty much all of his internal organs drop about five feet. "I'm not sure what you know about Stage 1 cancer, but us finding it and removing the testicle at this stage is a very good thing. As far as we can tell, there has been no spreading of the cancer and the removal of the testical should take care of it. Of course, we want to be sure. So, we'll put you on a two month treatment of radiation; you'll do a treatment once a week for eight weeks. We will also do an MRI of the local lymph nodes after your second radiation treatment, after you complete all the radiation treatments, and then again at the six month mark. I'm going to leave a few pamphlets here for you to read and will be back to check on you this afternoon. I'll be happy to answer any questions you have at that time, ok?"

Justin just nodded.

"I know, Justin, that this is a lot to take in, but we really have caught it early. I'd say you have a 98% chance of a complete recovery."

"Thanks," Justin whispered.

"You're welcome. Get some more sleep. I'll have your nurse bring you some painkillers. After that, read these pamphlets. I think they'll help. I'll see you later." With that, the doctor walked out. And Justin had never felt so alone in his life.

Apparently, Justin had fallen asleep again because he woke to someone yelling. Coming out of his sleep induced haze, he soon realized that the yelling was coming from a voice he recognized. Then, he heard another loud voice, not quite yelling, but certainly another voice that he recognized. Just as he was about to become fully awake his door flew open and there stood Brian and his mother.

"Justin!" his mother sort of yelled, half-strangled. She ran to his side and gently cupped his face with her hands.

Brian, on the other hand, was giving him one hell of a death glare. "Want to tell us what the hell is going on, Sunshine?"

Justin knew he looked like a deer caught in headlights because he absolutely could not get anything out of his mouth.

"WELL?" Brian practically shouted.

Jennifer turned to Brian and gave him a less than nice look. "What Brian means, honey, is that we were very upset to learn that you were in the hospital. Why didn't you tell us that something was wrong?"

"How did you find out?" he gasped.

Brian snorted nastily at that. "You can thank Ted and the insurance company for that. The insurance company called to let Ted know that your hospital tests had been approved for billing, but they needed some additional paperwork from HR. Ted then proceeded to ask me about your tests. Tests that I knew NOTHING about. Now, what I would like to know is: What the hell is going on? Why you didn't tell us?"

"Brian," Justin's mother admonished.

"What?" Brian replied. "Are you telling me that you don't want to know why 'Mr. 1500-on-his-SATs' didn't bother to tell his partner and his mother that he was having a few tests done in the hospital?"

"I didn't say that."

"No, I'm sure you didn't, but I think we're digressing. Justin, you can jump in here at anytime."

"I'm sorry."

Jennifer whirled around and with a voice of steel said, "You damn right you are. Now, why don't you fill us in, Justin."

Justin took a deep breath. "I had a lump in my testicle."

"What?" Brian gasped.

"Oh my God," Jennifer gasped.

Justin continued, "As I said, a lump was found in my testicle. I saw a doctor and he deemed it necessary to do a biopsy."

"So, that's why you're here?" Jennifer asked and continued when Justin gave her a small nod. "When will we know more?"

"I already do," Justin quietly responded. "I have cancer."

"Oh..." Jennifer gasped again, but Justin was looking at Brian.

Brian looked, quite frankly, like someone had removed one of his testicles, or, at the very least, kicked him in one. Then, he seemed to compose himself by putting his stoic mask firmly in place and saying, "So, what do we do now?"

The next few days passed in a blur of medical jargon, statistical odds, and options that Justin could choose to take. While he felt that the original one offered by Dr. Finnegan was the correct step, Brian was adamant on second opinions and more options. To make it worse, Jennifer took Brian's side (although she claimed she wasn't taking sides, but rather doing what she thought was best for Justin.). So, Justin was subjected to two more doctors that he immediately didn't like; he wasn't sure if it was because he was just in a foul mood or because he really didn't think their opinions were needed.

When Brian tried to bring in a third doctor, Justin had had enough. He wanted to go home, relax, and mentally prepare himself for the radiation treatments. So, to everyone’s surprise, he sat up and told them that enough was enough. He called his nurse and asked to see Dr. Finnegan as soon as possible.

Dr, Finnegan stopped by during his evening rounds, and Justin let him know that they were taking his advice and going with the original plan. The entire time that Justin was talking to Dr. Finnegan, Brian was scowling and glaring at Justin and Jennifer. Justin was almost amused.

The next morning, Justin was given his release papers and was ready to go home. He had called Daphne and asked her to meet him out in front of the hospital. As expected, Brian and his mother arrived first thing in the morning and began talking about where Justin would stay. Jennifer thought it best for him to come home with her, and Brian, of course, said he would be better off at the loft. Justin kept quiet.

When the male nurse arrived with the wheelchair to take him down, Jennifer and Brian were still loudly discussing his plans. He smiled apologetically at the nurse and gave a shrug.

Once downstairs, Brian said he would run get his car, but before he could get very far, Daphne pulled up and jumped out of her car.

"Justin!" she yelled.

"Hi, Daphne, everything ready to go?"

Daphne laughed, "Yep! Are you ready to go?"

Justin gave a grin, "You betcha!"

"Justin," Jennifer asked, "What is this about? Brian and I thought you were coming home with one of us."

"Well, I've decided that I'm going to stay with Daphne for the next few weeks."

"The fuck?" Brian growled, "I don't think so, sunshine. I think you'll be staying with me or your mom."

"Sadly, Brian, it really isn't your decision. It's mine. And I've decided to stay with Daphne.

"She can be there most the time, except when she has class. And we've arranged with Emmett to be there when she isn't. Besides, you both have busy careers; I'd just be in the way."

"Justin," Jennifer and Brian started at once.

"I'm not asking. I'm telling you that I'll be at Daphne's. Now, Daphne, are we ready to go?"

"Justin," Daphne asked, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Daphne nodded as she took one arm and the male nurse grabbed the other to help him to her car. Once in, he gave a wave and a smile to his mother and Brian.

"So, are you looking for a fight with them? Brian do something to piss you off?" Daphne asked, concern in her voice, as she drove off.

"Not everything, Daphne, is about Brian. Besides, I'm tired of the poor Justin routine. I’m tired of Brian being my rescuer and I'm tired of not being my own man. I want, no I need, to do this for myself- by myself."

"Justin, everyone needs help sometimes. Maybe this isn't the best time to stand solely on your own. Maybe you need them and they need to help you."

Justin snorted at this. "Yeah, I know. Poor Justin needs Brian to ride in on his white stallion and save his gentleman in distress. Brian has already done too much for me. I need this for me. I need to know that when the going gets tough Justin, not Brian, can take care of Justin."

"Are you sure everything is ok? You seem awfully angry."

"Maybe, I am, Daphne. Maybe I want everyone to realize that I'm not seventeen anymore."

"Ok," Daphne said, "But sometimes being an adult means knowing when to ask for help."

Justin glared at her, "You've been talking to Brian."

Daphne shrugged. "Maybe. I think he knew you were being far too quiet during all the discussions last night. So, he called me and asked if I had talked to you. I didn't tell him anything, though."

"Figures. Look- can you lay off? I just want to go home, relax, get some sleep, and get ready for the radiation next week. If you think I'll be in your way, I can always go to Emmett’s."

"I didn't say you would be in the way. I just wanted to make sure that you are doing the right thing to help get you better."

"I am." That being said, Justin leaned his head on the headrest and closed his eyes.

He must have fallen asleep on the ride to Daphne's because he woke to her gently rubbing his right arm and calling his name. She was standing on his side of the car with the door open.

He opened his eyes and gave her a brief glance.

"Hey," she said, "You ready to go inside and get some sleep?"

"Yeah," he replied with a sleep thickened voice.

She gently helped him out of the car and up the flight of stairs to her apartment. Once inside, he headed straight for the futon and went back to sleep.

Some time later, he woke to the phone ringing. He laughed as he heard Daphne cursing. She was obviously trying to get to the phone, but something had stopped her.

"Hello," Justin heard Daphne say. "Yeah, he's asleep."

There was a long pause and a positive answer, "Mmm-hmmm. Let me check."

Daphne walked into the living area and looked at Justin. "Yeah," she said into the phone, “He's awake now."

She then handed him the phone.

"Hello?"

"I just want you to know that I'm pissed." Brian's voice growled out.

"Lovely. Is that all?"

"No, I want you to come to the loft."

"Why? Feeling horny?"

"Don't be a twat. I want you to stay with me during the radiation treatments."

"And then what, Brian? You kick me out? Or better yet, you prove to me that I’m important, but not that important? Thanks, but no thanks."

"Jesus, Justin," Brian said, "Are we going there again?"

"I wasn't aware, Brian, that we ever left. I'm good enough sometimes, but not all the time. So, I think it's best if I stay here."

"Fine." There was a click in Justin's ear. Apparently, Brian had hung up.

"Nice one, Justin," Daphne said as she sat beside him on the futon.

"I'm not going over there."

"Yeah, I got that, and I'm pretty sure Brian got it, too. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"It may not be what I want, Daphne, but it's what I need."

Daphne nodded as she hugged him to her side and turned on the small TV.

Justin slept a lot over the next week. He only talked to Brian twice and each time it ended with one of them angrily hanging up.

Before he knew it, it was the day before his first radiation treatment. Justin woke to Emmett’s voice.

"And how is our gorgeous patient today, sweetie?"

"He's still asleep, I think," she replied.

"Nope, I'm awake."

"Hi!" Emmett enthusiastically said, "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad. I guess I should enjoy it before tomorrow, eh?"

"Yep," Emmett responded, "That's why I thought you might enjoy a trip to the diner for lunch."

"Emmett," Justin began, "I doubt Brian wants to see me right now, and no one else knows about this."

Emmett shrugged, "This isn't about them. This is about you. Now, go get your cute tushie ready. I want to be there before the lunch crowd settles in."

"You do know that it's only 9am, right?"

"Yep, which means we'll beat the rush."

Justin was laughing when he closed the door to the bathroom.

They arrived at the diner, as Emmett had planned, before the rush. Unfortunately for Justin, his mother had told Debbie about the cancer, which, in reality, meant that everyone knew or would know very, very soon.

As soon as Debbie saw them, she had pushed Justin further into the booth and twisted his ear between her thumb and index finger.

"Ouch!" Justin cried. "What's that for?"

"Don't you play stupid with me, Sunshine. You know very well why I'm not happy with you. So, when were you going to tell me that you are sick?"

"I don't know," Justin grimaced as she twisted a bit harder, "But I was going to tell you. I just wanted to wait until the right time."

"Sadly, baby, there isn't a right time. Now," she said as she let go of his ear, "You need to keep up your strength, so I'm going to bring you a double cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke on the house. And I expect you to eat it all. Got it?"

"Got it," he replied with a smile.

After Deb walked away, Emmett whispered, "You know, I think you got off pretty lucky with an ear twist. I was expecting something a bit more...harsh."

Justin nodded. He'd actually expected worse, too.

"Anyway, I was hoping," Emmett said as he pulled some papers from his bag, "That you would help me with this party I'm working on. It's for a toddler and the mom is giving me fits about the decorations. Take a look at these and tell me if you can help me design something that meets her specs."

Justin took the papers and immersed himself in the woman's requirements. Forty minutes later, after munching on his burger and fries, he and Emmett were discussing a possible design while Justin drew it on paper. They were so engrossed in the design that they missed Michael entering the diner until he sat down beside Emmett.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us?" Michael practically shouted.

Justin barely looked up, "Because, to be honest, it's not any of your business, Michael."

"Of course it is. This has completely upset Brian, and anything that upsets Brian makes it my business. You should have heard him last night at Woody's. I can't believe you are treating him this way!"

"Fuck off, Michael," Justin said, staring him dead on, "This isn't about you. And it sure as hell isn't about Brian. This is about me. And, to be honest, had I wanted you to know, then I would have told you. Besides, I'm sure Brian was all torn up as he had his dick sucked in the bathroom at Woody's. So, why don't you save your childish antics for someone that wants to listen to your bullshit because God knows that I don't. Sorry, Emmett," Justin said as he grabbed his portfolio bag and walked out of the diner.

Emmett caught up to him a few minutes later. "Are you ok, sweetie?"

"Sorry, Emmett, Michael just makes me so angry sometimes. I know I shouldn't have told him off, but," Justin stopped talking and walking.

"But?" Emmett tenderly prompted.

"But," Justin continued a few moments later, "I just can't deal with him right now."

Emmett pulled him into a hug, "It's ok, baby."

Justin hugged him tighter, but was pulled from Emmett moments later with a firm pull and a growl.

"What's going on here?" Brian said, snarling at Emmett.

Emmett smirked and said, "Nothing you haven't seen or done before."

Brian arched his eyebrow and looked pointedly at Justin, "Sunshine, I'm not asking you again."

"Nothing, Brian, Emmett was just making me feel better." Justin could tell that Brian wasn’t buying it, but was going to let it go- for now. "Anyway, we've got to get back to the apartment and finish these party designs. Later."

"Justin," Brian quietly said, "Are you coming over to the loft tonight?"

Justin looked at Brian and gave him a slight nod. "I'll come after Daphne gets home from her last class. That way, she can drive me."

Brian nodded, "Later."

As he walked away, Emmett whispered, "I've never seen Brian Kinney ask that nicely about anything. Are you sure you don't want to go back inside and talk to him for awhile?"

Justin shook his head and started walking back to the bus stop. "I can't, Emmett. I can’t keep letting Brian be my knight in shining armor. I need to be my own man."

"Oh, honey," Emmett responded, "You are your own man. That's just how Brian takes care of the people he loves, by railroading them into what he thinks is best for them. He was just so initially angry because you didn't tell him. Now, he just wants to help."

Justin turned and looked intensely at Emmett, "And tell me, Emmett, if it were Brian, not me, that had cancer, do you think he'd have told me? Or do you think he would have tried to hide it and handle it on his own?"

Emmett tried to respond. His mouth opened and shut a few times, but nothing came out.

"Exactly," Justin said, "He would have done exactly as I did. In fact, it probably would have been worse because he would have kicked me out on my ass, too. I've thought about this long and hard, Em, and I can't expect Brian to see me as an equal- as my own man- unless he can respect me. And that definitely includes being able to take care of myself."

Emmett sighed. "I can see what you are saying, Justin; however, I think you're going about this all wrong. Can't you see that Brian needs to be the protector? And he just wants, out of all the men he's known, to protect you. I still think you are making a big mistake with him, but," Emmett said while putting up his hands in a surrendering fashion, "I'll say no more on this. You have to do what's right for you. Now, let's get back to the apartment and finish this plan. If it goes over as well as I hope, I might have more work for you!"

Four hours later, Justin and Emmett were putting on the final touches to their proposal when Daphne walked in the door.

"Hello!" she said as she put her books down on the small kitchen table. "How was the diner?"

"Well, Debbie's hands are strong as ever!" Justin quipped.

Daphne gave him a 'what the hell' look.

"She about twisted my ear off for not telling her about the cancer."

"Good one! Wish I had thought of it!" Justin stuck his tongue out at her.

"Well, boys and girls," Emmett said while standing up and grabbing his belongings, "I need to get back and send this woman a copy of our plan. I'll let you know how it goes."

Emmett gave them each a peck on the cheek as he headed out the door.

"Got any plans tonight?" Daphne asked.

"Yeah, I was hoping you wouldn't mind driving me over to the loft."

"Sure. Let me grab a Diet Coke and we'll head out."

Justin went to his room and grabbed his portfolio bag. Daphne was waiting on him.

She was very quiet in the car until she pulled up in front of Brian's building. "Try not to be too hard on him, Justin. He really does care about you."

Justin snorted, opened the car door, said his farewell with a wave, and walked into the building.

He knocked on the metal door and was surprised when it immediately opened. Brian, of course, looked completely erotic. He wore no shirt, and his pants were unbuttoned at the top. Justin wanted to lick him from head to toe, but knew it probably wasn't a good time considering the look on Brian's face.

Brian ushered him in with a wave and shut the door behind him. "You and Emmett have a nice day together?"

"Pretty good," Justin responded, "I helped him design a party theme. He thinks it'll go over well with the client and that he might be able to offer me more work."

Brian nodded. "So, have you had dinner?"

"Nope."

"Are you hungry?"

"Sure."

"Thai?"

"Sure."

Brian went to the phone on his desk and ordered from his favorite Thai restaurant.

"They said it would be about an hour."

Justin nodded.

"So, when's your radiation tomorrow?"

"Nine."

"Who's taking you?"

"Emmett."

"I want to-"

"No, Brian, I don't want you there."

Brian exhaled loudly. "Why the fuck not? If the situation were reversed, I'd let you be there for me!"

Justin couldn't help it, he barked a laugh. "Brian, you can't expect me to believe that. You wouldn’t even take money from me to help you with your bills after the Stockwell fiasco. No, if this was happening to you, you would pull a classic Kinney: Do it yourself and push everyone away in the meantime."

"Is that what this is about? You think I'll think less of you, if you don't do this yourself?"

"I think, Brian, that it's time that you see me as a man- A man that can take care of himself. How else can I expect you to respect me? If I keep using you as a crutch, you'll eventually come to resent me. And I know that I don't want that."

"I do respect you, Justin."

"You do? Did you respect me when you chose that trick over me when I needed a ride home to my mom's house? Did you respect me when you pissed all over my work? Or did you respect me when you barged into my hospital room knowing full well that if I had wanted you to know, then I would have told you?"

"Christ! We're back to the tricking again? I've told you a million times it's not the same. It's about me, not you."

Justin nodded, "No, I told you that I understand what I can expect from you. Now, I need you to understand what you can expect from me. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet without you as a crutch. I need to feel like my own man that is worthy of whatever I want or need."

"I do understand."

"No, Brian, I don't think you do. I think you see that poor, little Justin needs to be protected again. I don't want your protection. I want your respect and love. But, for some reason, you can't- Sorry, you won't give me the latter, and haven't given me the former. I've thought about this long and hard, Brian. I just don't know what to do. I know you love me, but you refuse to tell me. Hell, I have cancer. I could die, Brian, and you still won't tell me."

Brian looked like he had been slapped in the face.

"Well, Sunshine, I'd say you've learned a few of my tricks, and not the good ones."

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Brian. I'm not trying to force you into saying anything. I'm just telling you that I'm not ok with this."

"This being us."

Justin nodded, "Mmm-hmm."

"Well, then, there really isn't much more to say, is there?"

Justin shook his head, "No, I guess not." Justin pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Daphne to come pick him up. "Later," he said as he walked out the door.

Brian didn't respond.

Justin spent most of the evening spilling his soul to Daphne. He knew he had done what he needed to do, but it wasn’t necessarily what he wanted. What he wanted was for Brian to see him as an equal, to treat him as an equal. If he didn’t, then Justin couldn’t fathom how they could ever have a successful relationship; the kind of relationship that Justin craved above all else with Brian.

Daphne made the appropriate responses that any best friend would, but, at the end of Justin’s pity party, she also told him in no uncertain terms that she thought he had made a huge mistake. That pushing Brian into a corner was the one way to make sure Justin never got what he wanted.

Justin took this to heart because he knew that Daphne had his best interests at heart, and spent most of the night going over the last couple of days in his mind. Was he being a prick? He flipped onto his back. Was he expecting too much from Brian? He rolled to his side. Had he backed out of the promise that he made to Brian? After all, he had told Brian that he knew what to expect. He flopped onto his stomach and sighed. Had he lost the ability to read Brian Kinney? God, he hoped not. No one could make him feel like Brian could. And that was the crux of it all, wasn’t it? At the end of the day, no matter Brian’s feelings, Justin loved Brian Kinney. He loved the way he smiled. He loved the way he was so comfortable in his own skin. He loved the way he kissed. And he really loved the way he rimmed Justin’s ass. And, in the end, isn’t it more important to give something than to receive it? To know that you are capable of making the one person you love happy? But that was part of the problem, too. Unless Brian and he were having sex, and during sex it was always obvious that Brian was enjoying himself, he really didn’t know if he made Brian happy.

And so, Justin’s pondering continued well into the night. In fact, Justin had only been asleep about an hour when Emmett rang their doorbell. Thankfully, Daphne was already up and answered the door.

“Oooh,” Justin heard Daphne squeal, “Are those containers from the diner, Emmett?”

“Yep,” he heard Emmett respond, “Breakfast for the three of us before we head downtown. Justin, come and get your breakfast while it’s hot!”

Justin heard Daphne giggle, “Well, if he wasn’t up before, he will be as soon as the smell of the food hits his nose. He’s a bottomless pit. Justin, come get your food!”

Justin grinned to himself, “I’m coming. I can’t sleep thanks to these loud, obnoxious people in the other room!”

“Bite me!” Daphne cheerfully retorted.

Grabbing some sweat pants and a plain white T-shirt, he put them on and headed into the apartment’s small kitchen. Justin laughed at the scene he walked in on: Daphne and Emmett were trying each other’s dishes, arguing which one was the best.

“Do I get a vote?” he asked.

“Of course, you do, baby. Now, sit that cute tush down and dig in!”

“Thanks, Em.”

Twenty fun-filled minutes later, Justin got up from the table to take his shower and to get ready for the day. It was in the shower that the reality of what was happening hit him. Today, he was going to a medical facility to get radiation treatments because he has cancer. Cancer, he thought, what a funny word. Scary how one little word can spark so much fear in someone, in people.

He recalled that by tonight he most likely wouldn’t be feeling very well. They said to expect severe fatigue, possible nausea, and eventually diarrhea that will have to be controlled for nutritional reasons. There were questions about fertility and even possible immunosupression issues.

Oh, God, he thought, I have cancer. Justin leaned his forehead on the shower’s tile wall, letting the warm water fall over him and cried. He wasn’t sure how long he had been like that when he felt a whoosh of cold air against his back. Then, he felt strong, warm arms encircle him from behind and pull him into a familiar chest.

“Brian?”

“Hmmm?”

“What are you doing here?”

With a small chuckle, he replied, “What? You’re the only one that can learn from their partner? You picked up a few of my bad habits, and I seem to have picked up your stalker habit. I think it’s a fair trade off.”

Justin laughed. “I’m glad you’re here.” He turned in Brian’s arms and gently kissed the side of his neck.

“Me, too, Sunshine. Me, too.” Brian then pulled Justin in for a slow, sensual kiss. “Now, we have to be downtown in 30 minutes, get that great ass moving,” Brian said, giving Justin a swat on the buttocks. “And look at me! You got me all wet, twat. Good thing I always carry an extra suit in the ‘Vette. I’ll meet you in the living room in ten minutes.”

Justin bestowed Brian with his high wattage smile and nodded, “Ten minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later, Brian was driving Justin to the downtown medical center while Daphne and Emmett followed in Daphne’s car.

Once they got there, they all gave Justin a hug and told him that everything would be fine. Justin hoped they were right.

The procedure was pretty non-eventful, especially considering all the warnings that they gave him. The medical staff was knowledgeable and answered all his questions. Justin learned that if he wanted, he could give a sperm sample; however, he was assured that they do use a device to protect the other testes. Justin opted to play it safe and gave them one to be frozen. They also gave him a long lecture about being around infectious people for the time being. Some people, after radiation, can experience significant suppression of their immune system; thus, making them easily ill. They also warned him that after his third or fourth treatment he would most likely start to experience diarrhea that would remain for the rest of his six treatments.

Justin took it all in and closed his eyes. He just wanted it to be over. He heard them move the box above him. He was then told that the therapy would start. It didn’t last very long, and he really didn’t feel much different once it was over. He hoped it stayed that way, but knew in his heart that it wouldn’t.

He got dressed and headed back out to the waiting area where Daphne, Emmett, and Brian were waiting for him. They stood up as soon as they saw him and asked him how he felt. He assured them that he was fine. Brian gave him a long, intense stare, but eventually seemed satisfied that he really was fine.

Once back in the car, Brian didn’t say he much. In fact, he put on a CD that he knew Justin liked and tapped his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel.

“No more questions?” Justin inquired.

“Nope.”

“Been reading the internet again, huh?”

Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek, chuckled, and silently agreed with a head nod.

Justin grinned. The rest of the ride to Daphne’s apartment was relaxed and quiet, except for the music coming from the CD player.

Once back, Emmett said that since Brian was there, he needed to work on a few concepts for a new party, so, with a kiss to Justin’s cheek and an assurance that he would be by the next day, he headed back home to get some work done.

Daphne, sensing that maybe Brian and Justin needed to talk, said that she should probably get some studying done at the library, but to call her if Justin needed her. Justin mouthed a ‘thank you’ to her. She gave him a nose wrinkling grin, grabbed her backpack, waved, and headed out the door.

“Alone at last,” Brian said, sitting down by Justin on the futon. “Still feeling ok?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good.” Brian said as he trailed his fingers up and down Justin’s arm. “You know, I really want you to stay at the loft with me. I can work at home for a few weeks. Cynthia and Ted can keep everyone in line at the office.”

“Brian…”

“I know, I know. You want to be your own man. Hell, Justin, you are your own man. I just need to know that you are ok.”

“Brian, you can see that I’m fine. Besides, I’m sure Daphne will let you visit me anytime you want.” Justin could see that his attempt to lighten the conversation had not worked.

“For now, but what about in an hour? Two days from now? After your next treatment?”

“I’m sure Daphne will still let you visit then, too.”

“Damn it, Justin, I want to be there for you.”

Justin sighs. “I don’t know what to say, Brian. You know how I feel.”

“Yeah, you want to be your own man.” He snarled.

Justin nodded his head in agreement, “Yeah, I do. I think I need to. I think I need to for you, me, and us.”

“Christ!” Brian exploded.

Before Justin could give him a response, a horrible wave of nausea hit him. He didn’t think he was going to make it to the bathroom. Clutching his stomach with both hands, he ran to the bathroom and began vomiting. He was in his second heave when he felt comforting hands rubbing circles on his back. He closed his eyes and waited for the nausea to pass.

He looked down and a hand towel was in front of his face. With a mumbled, “Thanks,” Justin wiped his face. Brian then handed him a glass of water to rinse his mouth out. With a small smile, he took it, gargled, and spat into the sink. While Justin was cleaning up, Brian flushed the toilet for him, put down the lid, and then indicated for Justin to sit down, which he did.

Brian placed a hand on each of Justin’s cheeks and said, “This is why I want you to be at the loft. I need to know that you’re ok. I want to be there when you’re having a good day or a bad day. I want to help you get better. Please, Justin, let me do this. Let me be there for you.”

If Justin hadn’t felt so ill, he’d have probably done a cartwheel. Brian might not have said he loved him, but he had said he loved him in Brian’s way. Wasn’t that the most important thing? Justin had never seen Brian’s facial features so open, so caring. And deep down, Justin knew that he couldn’t deny Brian anything. He loved him.

“Ok.”

“Ok?” Brian asked, his eyebrow arched in a questioning manner.

“Ok.”

Brian gave him a huge smile and pulled him off the toilet into a warm, tight embrace. Rubbing his hair with one of his hands, Brian whispered, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but please don’t think this conversation is over. It isn’t.”

“Never crossed my mind,” Brian chuckled and pulled Justin tighter to him. “Come on, let’s go relax on the futon until Daphne gets back. She can help me pack some of your necessities, and then we can head back to the loft. Home.” The last word was quietly whispered into Justin’s hair.

And that’s how Daphne found them when she got home two hours later, wrapped around each other on the futon, both lightly snoring. She tried to quietly shut the door to avoid waking them, but when she turned around, Brian was looking at her.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” he quietly responded.

“He ok?”

Brian nodded, “He was nauseous for a bit, but I think it’s passed for now.” Brian gently moved Justin off of him and stood up. “Can you help me get some of his things together? He’s coming back to the loft with me.”

Daphne gave him a huge smile, nodded, and said, “Good.”

Justin would have liked it if the next few weeks passed quickly. Unfortunately, that was just not the case. He was put on a liquid diet to help maximize his nutrients retained; he was throwing up several times a day, especially the first three days after the radiation treatments. After the third treatment, he began experiencing the diarrhea that the nurses and doctors had warned him about. To be honest, he didn’t know which was worse: the retching or the diarrhea. Either way, he spent most days lying on Brian’s sofa watching the Cartoon Network with a special pail on the floor beside him. He had never felt so demoralized in his life.

Currently, Emmett was staying with him while Brian was at work making a pitch to a potential client. Emmett looked up as Justin, once again, heaved into the pail.

“Can I get you anything, sugar?”

“Yeah, don’t talk about food.”

“What? Oh, sorry. Can I get you anything, baby? I think you can have some more anti-nauseate in about 10 minutes.”

“Thank God!” Justin moaned.

“Let me heat you up some chicken broth.”

“Emmett?” Justin whispered.

“Yeah?”

“What did I say about talking about food?” Justin said as he leaned over and heaved again into the pail.

“I’m sorry, baby, but you know the rules. You have to keep…putting stuff into your body.”

“Why? Just let me get it all out and it’ll be ok.”

“Sadly, baby, that isn’t how it works. Now, I’m going to heat you some…stuff…up, ok?”

Justin sighed, “Fine.” He lightly flung himself back onto the sofa and held his stomach. “I didn’t know it was going to be this bad.”

Emmett, after pouring some chicken broth into a saucepan, turned to him and nodded. “There was no way you could have.”

“No, I mean I didn’t believe the medical staff. I listened to them; I heard them; but I didn’t really think they meant me.” Justin paused, “That sounds stupid.”

“No, it doesn’t. I don’t think anyone can understand until they’ve experienced it first hand. Hell, I’ve watched you be sick for weeks now, and I can’t begin to imagine how you feel. I just hope that me being here has helped in some small way.”

“More than you will ever know.” Justin said with a small smile for his friend.

Just as Emmett was putting the soup into a large mug and gathering Justin’s medicines, the metal door of the loft opened. Brian, smirking ear to ear, entered and sat his briefcase down at his desk.

“I guess things went well, Mr. Kinney,” Emmett surmised from Brian’s smirk as he took Justin his soup and medicines.

“Extremely,” Brian assured them as he sat down on the chair beside the sofa and rubbed Justin’s foot, “They signed on the spot.”

“Nice,” Justin said after taking a small sip of the broth.

“How have you been? Feeling any better at all?” Brian asked Justin.

Justin shrugged, “It is what it is.” Brian nodded in acknowledgement.

“Emmett,” Brian asked as he stood up, “Would you mind staying a few more minutes, so that I can have a shower?”

Emmett nodded and gave Justin a far too readable look. Once Brian was in the bathroom, Justin turned to Emmett, “I know what you are thinking, but it’s ok. We aren’t, nor will we ever be monogamous. Besides, I can hardly blame him; I’m not exactly fuckable in my current condition.”

“But…” Emmett started, but Justin shook his head.

“I’d rather he do it elsewhere and shower, than rub my face in it. Besides, he comes home to me.”

Emmett looked like he wanted to say more, but decided against it. Justin took his medicine with a sip of broth and sat it down on the sofa table.

“Not to sound like a nagging mom, but you need to finish that,” Emmett said, as he walked over to the dining table to collect the papers that he’d been working on.

“I know. I will. Hey, maybe tomorrow I can help you with some designs again. You have anything you want me to help you with?”

“You know, I do have one party coming up that could use your expertise. I’ll bring the file for that one tomorrow.”

“Cool,” Justin said as he made a show of picking up the mug and drinking the broth. Emmett couldn’t help but laugh at Justin’s antics. Emmett stuck his tongue out at Justin.

“Well, Mom, I wouldn’t want you to worry or anything.”

“Stuff it, Taylor,” Emmett haughtily responded. Justin laughed.

“Uh-oh,” Justin said, “I must be in trouble. You used my last name and everything!”

“Shush, you!” Emmett scolded as Brian walked back into the room in a black wife beater and half zipped jeans. “Alright, I’m out. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.” With a kiss to Justin’s cheek, he left the loft.

“So, has it been bad today?” Brian asked Justin as he sat down by him on the sofa and grabbed his hand, rubbing it in a similar manner as he would if it cramped from Justin using it too much.

“No worse than any other day after a radiation treatment.” Brian bit his lip and nodded.

“Well, at least you’re over half way there. Only two more treatments, then you can get back to being the best homosexual you can be.” Justin nodded, half smiled, and snuggled into Brian’s chest. Justin drifted to sleep a few minutes later with Brian rubbing his nape.

When Justin woke a few hours later, he was lying flat on the couch and was covered by the duvet. He lifted his head and saw Brian working at his computer. Apparently hearing Justin, Brian looked up and gave him a half smile.

“Hungry?” Brian asked.

“A little,” Justin surmised.

“So, what’s the entrée of choice tonight? Chicken broth, beef broth, or tomato soup.”

“Ugh, Brian, you know I hate tomato soup.”

Brian chuckled, “So, chicken or beef?”

“Beef, I had chicken for lunch.”

“Chicken it is!” Brian joked. He got up and moved to the kitchen. He pulled out a small saucepan and a can of beef soup. Opening it with the electric can opener, he tossed the metal top and poured the contents into the saucepan.

“What are you having?” Justin asked.

“I ordered some Thai while you were sleeping.”

“I slept for that long?”

“Yep, it’s after nine.”

“Wow. I guess Emmett wore me out today.”

“Must have,” Brian agreed. He pulled the saucepan from the stove and poured its contents into a mug.

Before he started walking over, Justin asked, “Can I have some crackers, too?”

“Wow, someone must be feeling better,” Brian joked as he pulled a few crackers from the pantry and placed them on a small plate.

“Actually, I do,” Justin said as he took the mug, while Brian placed the plate of crackers on the sofa table.

Brian cupped his face as he was about to drink the broth and said, “Good.”

Justin gave him a smile and took a sip. “How much longer do you need to work?”

“I should be able to wrap it up in about an hour. Why don’t you watch some TV and then we can head to bed.”

“Ok,” Justin agreed as he turned the TV on and began flipping through the channels, finally settling on a Jack Black movie.

It was about an hour later when the nausea hit. Justin began heaving and he heard Brian quickly close his laptop.

Justin heaved some more as Brian rubbed circles on his back. Finally emptying his stomach, he settled back onto the couch.

“Ok?” Brian asked with obvious concern.

“Peachy,” Justin responded.

“Let me get you some more broth,” Brian said as he started to stand.

“I don’t want any fucking broth, Brian. Please, let’s go to bed. What I really want is for you to just hold me. Please,” Justin implored.

Brian nodded and helped him to his feet. He helped Justin get into bed and said that he’d be right back. When he returned, Brian had Justin’s anti-nauseate medicine and a glass of water. He silently handed them to Justin. Justin sat up, took the pill and glass, swallowed the pill with the water, and handed the glass back to Brian.

The next morning, Justin woke to Brian and Emmett’s voices trying to talk quietly. He tossed the covers back and walked into the bathroom. Brian opened the door and checked on him.

“Ok?” he asked.

‘Yep, just taking a leak,” Justin assured him.

“Ok. I’m heading out. I should be back around noon.”

“All right, I’ll see you later. Have a good one.” Justin flushed the toilet and began to wash his hands.

“You, too,” Brian said as he embraced Justin from behind and looked at him in the mirror. “Later.”

Justin smiled, “Later.”

With a squeeze, Brian was out the door.

When Justin walked out of the bathroom, Emmett was setting some files on the dining table.

“Good morning, baby,” Emmett said.

“Morning,” Justin responded.

“Feel like helping me with a project?”

Justin smiled. He did feel like doing something today. “Sure, Emmett, what can I do to help?”

“Well, let’s get you some breakfast and I’ll tell you all about it. What are you up for?”

“You know, Emmett, I think I want to try some dry toast.” Justin said with a smile.

“Wow! You must be feeling better,” Emmett exclaimed.

“Yeah, I am.” Justin confirmed.

A half eaten slice of dry toast later, Justin was intently listening about Emmett’s latest client and thinking of designs for the theme the company wanted.

“So, what do you think?” Emmett asked as he closed the folder.

“Well, I think…” Justin was interrupted by a knock on the metal door. Justin looked oddly at Emmett, “I wonder who that could be?”

Emmett stood up to answer the door. “No idea,” he said as he slid the door open to reveal Lindsay and Gus.

“Jus! Jus,” Gus squealed as he broke from his mother’s grasp and barreled into Justin. Justin leaned over and scooped him into a hug.

“Hi, Gus,” Justin said with a huge beaming smile.

“Hi, Justin! Hi, Emmett,” Lindsay said, “I hope this is a good time. Gus and I wanted to visit with you for a bit.”

“Yeah, it’s a perfect time,” Justin assured her as Emmett pulled out the tea kettle to make some tea for everyone.

With the tea made, they settled onto the sofa and chairs and started catching up. That’s how Brian found them an hour later when he arrived just after noon. He was excitedly greeted by his son, Gus.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Gus exclaimed as he jumped into his father’s arms. Brian quickly dropped his case and grabbed onto Gus.

“Hi, Sonny boy, what are you doing here?”

“Visit Jus!” Gus assured him.

“Well, that was very nice of you. Have you had fun with Justin?” Gus nodded his head emphatically.

“Good!” Brian said as he put Gus back on the floor. “Lindsay, good to see you,” Brian said as he picked up the dropped case and then dropped it at his desk.

“Hi, Brian, we thought we’d come keep Justin and Emmett company for awhile.”

“Good. Let me go change clothes and I’ll join you.” He said as he walked by Justin and rubbed the top of his head.

When Brian returned, Justin and Lindsay were discussing Justin’s treatments. Brian sat down beside Justin and gave him a half hug.

“And, Brian, it’s so wonderful that you’re taking care of him. See,” Lindsay said pointedly to Justin, “This just proves that he loves you.” She patted Justin on the hand and nodded excitedly. “Wait until I tell Mel. She’ll never believe the Brian Kinney I see before me. Loving and taking care of his partner; I’m proud of you, Brian.”

And so the conversation continued, with Lindsay going on and on about what a loving person and partner Brian could be when he wanted to be. Justin knew that this was not going to end well.

When Lindsay left twenty minutes later, Justin could see the anxiety in Brian’s eyes. Brian stood abruptly and said to Emmett, “Do you mind staying awhile longer?”

“No,” Emmett said, “But I need to meet Teddy at Woody’s around seven. Is that late enough?”

“Sure,” Brian said as he picked up his leather coat, keys, and walked out of the loft.

Seven came and went. Emmett called Ted and said that he wasn’t going to be able to make it after all because Emmett refused to leave Justin alone. They continued to design potential party themes for the company they had discussed earlier in the day.

Midnight came and went. Justin was beyond tired and Emmett was practically nodding off, too. Justin insisted that Emmett go home. Emmett finally agreed after Justin ate a bit of toast and broth, took his meds, and got ready for bed.

“I’ll be by in the morning, ok?” Emmett said as he walked out the door.

“Ok, thanks, Em,” Justin said a lot happier than he felt.

Justin did go to bed, but he couldn’t sleep. He thought about calling Brian on his cell, but knew that Brian would ignore him, if he even heard it.

It was six minutes after three when Justin heard the metal door slide open and voices.

Brian shushed the man, “You’ll wake my ball and chain.” The man giggled. They were obviously high, drunk, or both. Justin heard them stumble into the kitchen and the refrigerator door open.

“Want something?” Brian loudly whispered to the man.

“Sure,” the man said without trying to lower his voice.

“I’ve got water, guava juice, or Beam,” Brian said as he closed the refrigerator door. “And Beam it is.” Justin heard the glasses clink on the counter and Brian sloshing something into the glasses.

“Cheers!” Brian said as he clinked his glass to the man’s glass. “Now,” Brian said a minute later, “You ready to fuck?”

The man snickered, “Hell, yeah.”

Justin knew that he should just stay still, feign sleep, but he couldn’t. He got up and peeked through the frosted glass from the bedroom. There was Brian in all his glory fucking a trick for all he was worth. And, to make sure Justin was clear on Brian’s intent, Brian looked right at Justin as he came.

Justin received the message loud and clear. He stepped away from the glass and walked back into the room. He grabbed his satchel and began placing his stuff in the bag. Ten minutes later, he had all his stuff ready to go. He sat it by his side of the bed and climbed back in the bed. He pulled the duvet over his head and pretended to sleep.

Ten minutes after that, Justin heard the metal door slam shut and Brian walk up the few wooden stairs to the bedroom. Justin could tell he paused by the bed before heading into the bathroom. When he heard the shower begin, Justin took his bag and left the loft.

When Justin got to the street, he pulled out his cell phone and started to make a call, but stopped, and flipped the phone closed. He needed to think this through.

Should he go to his mom’s condo? No, probably not. He needed to think things through first. And, to be honest with himself, he wouldn’t be able to do that with his mom. She would want to immediately talk things out. While she meant well, it wasn’t what he needed. He just wasn’t ready for that.

He could, he thought, go to Daphne’s again, but that wasn’t fair to her in so many ways. It wasn’t fair to keep running to Daphne. Hell, one could argue that he used Daphne as a crutch as much as Brian. So, no, he was not going to Daphne’s.

He could go to Emmett’s, but that would mean the whole gang would be involved in less time than it took to go from 0-60mph in a Porsche. And while Emmett would mean well, he would also smother Justin. No, he couldn’t go to Emmett’s, either.

That really left only one place. And thank goodness that this place would give him time to think. Granted, there would be some derogatory things said about Brian, but it wouldn’t be anything different than what he’d probably already be thinking- so, Deb’s it was. He flipped his phone open and made the call.

“Huh? Hello?” a sleep garbled voice said.

“Deb?” Justin asked.

He could hear a bed squeaking in the background. “Sunshine, is that you?” the more awake voice asked.

“Yeah, it’s me. Would you mind if I spent a few days in Michael’s old room?”

“Oh, Sunshine, of course you can. I’ll have fresh sheets waiting on you. Do you need Carl to come get you?” He could now hear Carl stirring in the background, asking if everything was ok.

“No, Deb, that’s fine. I’ll take a cab. It’ll be ten to fifteen minutes.” Justin assured her.

“Ok, I’ll have the lights on for you.” Deb said.

“Thanks, Debbie.” Justin hoped he didn’t sound too relieved.

“No problem, Sunshine,” she said before hanging up.

He pushed the ‘end’ button on his phone and hit speed dial seven. The cab dispatcher answered and said that a cab would be there in about five minutes. Justin thanked the man and hung up. Pulling his satchel a little higher on his shoulder, walked over to a section of the wall away from the main entrance to the building, and leaned on the bricks.

Seven minutes or so later, a taxi pulled up. Justin pushed away from the wall and got into the four door sedan. He gave the man the address to Debbie’s home and leaned his head back on the seat. He tried not to think about the emotions running through his body. He needed to get to Debbie’s first before he lost it. Instead, he lifted his head and looked around, focusing on a tear in the car’s passenger seat and pondered how it got there.

True as her word, Debbie had every outside light on her house on. When he stepped out of the taxi, her front door opened. He paid the man, thanked him, and shut the door. He hurried up the steps and gave Debbie a sad smile.

“Come on in, Sunshine. You look like you need a good night’s sleep. Are you feeling ok?” she asked, concern lacing every word.

“Yeah, I’ve just got a slight headache. I haven’t been sick in over twelve hours.”

“Well, that’s good,” she said giving him a small smile and patting his left cheek. “Let’s keep it that way. You want a mug of something before you head up to bed?”

Justin shook his head negatively. “No, I think I just need to get some sleep.”

Debbie nodded and followed him up the stairs. When he got to the room, he turned to her. “Debbie, I really appreciate this.”

“No problem, Sunshine.”

He opened the door, walked in and was about to shut it when she said one more thing, “And we will be talking first thing in the morning.”

Justin chuckled and assured her that they would indeed talk in the morning.

The early morning came way too quickly for Justin. He wasn’t sure that he got more than a few ten to twenty minute naps a long the way. He had spent the night tossing and turning, and, more importantly, thinking.

He was just about 100% sure that Brian would think that he left because of the trick, but that wasn’t it at all. He had meant what he said after the faux pas with Ethan the year or so before. He knew what to expect from Brian. Hadn’t he, after all, just told Emmett that very afternoon that they would never be monogamous? He had accepted that a long time ago. He knew that it wasn’t about him and the way Brian felt about him. It was about Brian. So, he had accepted the tricking.

No, this wasn’t about the tricking. This was about Brian punishing him for something that Lindsay had done. Damn it, why would she go there? Why would she talk on and on about Brian being so loving? If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was pushing Brian into acting out, but that didn’t seem likely. No, the likely thing is that for some reason the people in Brian’s little fucked up family (his family, too, if he was completely honest) wouldn’t allow Brian to change- to grow up. They wanted him, for some reason, to stay the selfish asshole. He didn’t understand. What did Lindsay, Michael, or anyone else gain from making sure that Brian stayed so…so…asshole-y. Honestly? Was it just because then their world was right? If Brian wasn’t an asshole, then everything else in their world must be different, too? Seriously, he just didn’t get it, and maybe he never would.

But that just brought him back to the real problem. Why was he always the one being punished? Why did Brian choose over and over to annihilate him for all of this? Was it possible that he had been wrong all these years? Maybe it wasn’t that Brian didn’t think he could be loved, but that Brian didn’t want to be loved.

Maybe he just didn’t want the responsibility? But that didn’t make sense, either. Brian had never backed down from responsibilities. He took care of Gus, no matter what kind of bitch Melanie was being at the time. Hell, as much as Brian disliked Melanie, he had made sure that Lindsay and Mel’s wedding took place. He took care of his company and all the people therein. No, it wasn’t about responsibility. Then what the hell was it? Why? Why? Why was he punished for the comments of others?

Justin knew he needed a break from his thoughts. He could feel his stomach turning in distress, a wave of nausea making him question his being up so late and getting so little sleep. He got up and reached into his backpack, grabbing the anti-nauseate he’d taken off the nightstand in the bedroom at the loft. He went into the hall bath, grabbed a paper cup from the collection that Debbie kept beneath the sink, and took the medicine.

“You okay, Justin,” a male voice asked from the other side of the door. Apparently, he had woken Carl. Great, he thought.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks, Carl,” he assured the man.

“Ok,” Carl responded, “Deb wanted me to tell you that if you need anything to just knock on our door.”

“Thanks! I’m sorry that I woke you,” Justin replied as he slightly cracked the door to the bathroom.

“No problem. Remember to just knock if you need us. Deb’s getting ready for her shift at the diner, and I’ll be heading to the station in about an hour.” Carl nodded to him and walked back down the hall to Debbie’s room.

“Thanks,” Justin quietly repeated as he shut the door. Grabbing a hand towel from the linen closet, he turned on the warm water, wet the hand towel, and washed his face. Looking into the mirror, he saw the sorrow in his own eyes. This was not going to be easy.

Tip-toeing down the hall, he went back into his room and crawled under the covers. He wanted to try to get a bit more sleep, but his stomach was having none of that. He sprinted from the bed to grab, just in time, the metal Captain Astro trashcan in the room. Heaving violently, he emptied what little he had in his stomach. He dropped to his knees, placed the can back on the ground, and held his head in his hands. He could hear someone running up the stairs.

“Sunshine,” Debbie yelled as she knocked loudly on the door. “Let me in!”

“It’s open,” he moaned out. She threw the door open and stepped inside. She took one look at him and walked out of the room. Down the hall, he could hear water running. Moments later, Debbie returned with a wet wash cloth, which she immediately placed on the back of his neck. Justin thought it felt wonderful.

“Mmmm, thanks, Deb, that feels a lot better,” he told her. As she nodded and gave him a smile, Carl walked up to the doorway.

“Anything I can help with?” Carl inquired.

“Would you be a dear,” Deb said, “And heat up a small mug of chicken broth for him.”

“Sure,” he said as he walked away.

“We’ll get something in that tummy and try to settle it.”

“You know, no matter how many times I hear that from people, I’m still not convinced that it really works. I mean, come on, I keep puking my guts out.”

Debbie laughed, patted his cheek, and said, “Sure it does. I know because I’m a mom.”

Carl brought a mug of chicken broth up a few minutes later and Justin took a few sips. The crisis of the moment seemed to be over. He assured Debbie and Carl that he was fine and insisted that they both head to work. He also promised that he’d call Emmett to come over. Debbie asked him to have Emmett bring him by the diner for lunch, but Justin said it would depend on how he felt.

Once he heard the front door close behind them, he picked up his phone and called Emmett.

“Emmett?” Justin said when the phone was answered.

“Hey, baby, I’m almost there.”

“Yeah, about that, Em, I’m not at Brian’s.” There was a long, pregnant pause.

“Ok. Where are you?” Emmett suspiciously asked.

“I’m at Deb’s. You can come on in when you get here. That is, if you don’t mind coming here instead.

“Nope, no problem,” Emmett responded. “Although, it’ll be another ten minutes until I can get there because of traffic.” Emmett warned him.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” Justin joked, “See you soon.”

“Bye, baby,” Emmett said as he ended the call.

True to his word, Emmett arrived about ten minutes later. Justin heard the door open downstairs and decided to try to get downstairs.

Emmett looked up at him as he came down the stairs. “Looks like you’ve been sick already this morning. Need help with anything?”

“No, Deb and Carl helped me through it. I’m actually feeling a bit better.”

“Good.”

“Debbie did, however, want me to ask you to bring me by the diner for lunch, if I feel up to it.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. We can finish up those designs and head on over.”

They walked over to the kitchen table and Emmett pulled out the papers that he and Justin had been working on the day before. They were just about finished with the design they thought would most interest the client when Emmett turned to him and said, “Are you going to tell me why you are here and not at Brian’s?”

Justin paused in his final touch ups and looked at Emmett. “Yeah, but not right now, I need to figure this out for myself first, ok?”

Emmett nodded and continued his work. Justin took a moment and grabbed Emmett’s hand, “You’re a great friend, Emmett.” Emmett smiled and they finished their design. They never made it to the diner that afternoon.

Justin woke from his nap to hear Emmett speaking harshly to someone and then abruptly ending the call. He realized, a little slowly, that it was his phone Emmett was using.

“Who was that?” Justin asked as he sat up on the couch.

Emmett whirled around and gave Justin a slight smile. “Nice nap?”

“Mmm-hmmm,” Justin responded in the affirmative, “But you didn’t answer my question.”

Emmett nodded, “It was Brian.”

“Ah,” Justin nodded.

“He wanted to know why I was answering your phone.” Emmett told Justin.

“What did you tell him?”

“I responded with another question.”

“And what question was that?”

“I asked him why you weren’t at the loft.”

“Good one.”

“He wants you to call him.”

“Yes, well, sometimes we don’t get what we want, do we?” Justin sagaciously responded.

“No, unfortunately, we don’t, baby.” Emmett echoed.

Four days later, Justin still had not returned any of Brian’s calls. In fact, he had taken to just leaving his cell phone off and having Emmett or anyone else call him directly at Debbie’s.

Jennifer had found out when Justin called to ask her about meeting him for dinner at Debbie’s one night. To Jennifer’s credit, she took it all in stride and didn’t ask one single question about Brian over the phone or during dinner. He did see Debbie and his mom privately talking between dinner and dessert, but they never brought anything up in front of him.

Daphne found out when Justin called her about his next radiation treatment. She and Emmett took him and, apparently, Emmett had filled her in on the rudimentary details while they were driving to pick Justin up. She just gave him a hug, a smile, spent the next day keeping him company while Debbie and Carl were at work, and helping him through the nausea and diarrhea.

He and Emmett finally talked about things the day before his radiation treatment. It made Justin smile to think about how pissed off Emmett was on his behalf, but Justin made him swear not to say anything to Brian about it. In the end, this was between him and Brian. Emmett assured him that he could be trusted.

Ted knew because supposedly Brian was being a total prick at work, at least this was what Emmett told him. Emmett laughed when he told Justin that Ted had been fired twenty-nine times in three days. He said Cynthia was at an all time record of forty.

Lindsay and Melanie tried to talk about it during the weekly dinner that Brian, of course, didn’t show up for, but Gus had gotten sick and they had to leave early. Justin was truly relieved when they left. He still wasn’t sure what to think of Lindsay’s conversation that fateful day.

Debbie had been a God send. She and Carl had been there for Justin. They had taken care of him when he was sick, let him talk when he needed to talk, and, overall, just been fabulous about everything. Justin was glad that he had decided to stay with Debbie.

Justin had also been relieved that Michael hadn’t been around. He knew there was no way he could currently handle Michael’s worshipping of Brian. Furthermore, he was pretty sure that Michael had dropped by one night after Justin had already gone to bed, but he didn’t see him. And while Debbie never said anything, he was also pretty sure that she and Michael had fought because he was there.

As for Justin, he was sure that things were never going to be the same. For the first time, he truly believed that Brian didn’t want his love. How else could he explain Brian’s actions that night? Justin had done nothing wrong. And when you take into account the fact that Justin had been sick from the radiation treatments, well, the evidence was overwhelming. What also stood out in Justin’s thoughts was the lack of Brian period. Sure, he had called and left several messages on Justin’s cell phone, but he had to know where Justin was (Michael would have made sure of that). If he wanted to talk, he could have just shown up, but he hadn’t. And Justin assured himself that solidified everything: Brian didn’t want his love.

It was as he was finishing his silent, mental diatribe and his shower, that Justin heard the phone ring downstairs. A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Justin,” Carl’s voice said through the door, “Brian would like to speak with you.”

Justin stopped for a moment, wrapped the towel around him, opened the door, and thanked Carl. He then walked down the stairs, picked up the phone and said, “I have nothing to say to you,” before hanging up the phone.

Carl chuckled as he sat down on the sofa by Debbie. Debbie looked over the back of the couch and said, “You’re going to have to face him sometime, Sunshine.”

“Yeah, but tonight is not that night.” Justin assured her.

“Are you still feeling ok? It seems like you’ve had a pretty good day. Emmett said you only got sick once while he was here this morning.” Debbie said.

“Yeah, I’ve felt so good today that Emmett and Daphne are going to take me to the diner tonight. They think it’ll do me some good to get out.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Justin,” Carl said while Debbie nodded her agreement. Justin smiled and headed back upstairs to get ready.

Fifteen minutes later, he was in the passenger seat of Daphne’s car listening to Emmett tell them all about his new client. Daphne parked as close as she could to the diner. They went inside and sat down. Kiki waved at them as they sat down. She gave a table their order and headed over.

“Justin,” she said, “How are you feeling? Debbie says you’ve been under the weather!”

“I’m feeling better, Kiki, thanks,” he said with a smile.

“Good,” she said, “What can I get you tonight?”

Emmett spoke up first, “I want the meatloaf plate with green beans instead of peas. I’d like iced tea to drink and a piece of apple pie for dessert.”

“Mmmm,” Daphne chimed in, “I definitely want some apple pie. And I’ll take a Coke and a grilled cheese.”

“You want fries with the cheese sandwich?” Kiki asked.

“No thanks,” Daphne responded.

“Justin?” Kiki asked.

“I’ll have a grilled cheese, no fries, and a ginger ale.” Justin replied.

“Want any dessert?” Kiki inquired as she wrote down the rest of his order.

“Nope, I think that’s it. Thanks!”

“All right, it’ll be out in a few. You take care, Justin, ok?” Kiki said as she walked away to give the cook their order.

“So, Emmett,” Justin asked a few minutes later, “Have you heard back from the client that we made the design for?”

“Oooh! I forgot to tell you! Yes, I did. The President of the company called a few days ago and said that it was the most unique design they had ever seen. They accepted the contract AND they would like to meet with the artist in question! How fabulous is that?” Emmett said as he clapped his hands excitedly together. “So, I hope you don’t mind, but I gave them your name and number.”

“Did you give them my cell phone number?” Justin inquired with a concerned look on his face.

“Yes, baby, I did. Is something wrong?”

“Well, I really haven’t been checking my cell phone. Brian was calling that number and I just turned it off.”

“Do you have it with you?” Daphne asked.

“Yep,” Justin assured her.

“Then, turn it on and check it now! I want to know what this guy has to say!”

Justin pulled the cell phone out of his satchel and turned it on. A few seconds later, it chimed on and stated that he had seven new voicemails. Rather than listening to them all, Justin selected ‘Call History’ on his main menu and saw that six of the calls were from Brian, but that an unlisted number had called the day before around 3pm.

“I have an unlisted call from yesterday at 3pm. Let me check my voicemail,” Justin told them with excitement in his voice.

There were six messages from Brian that he quickly deleted without listening to; the last message, however, was from a Mr. Greg Jones, CEO of Landmark Realty. Justin listened as the man said that he’d been impressed with the art work on the catering contract and was wondering if Justin would like to do some freelance work on a few of their projects. And to please call him back as soon as possible, if he has any interest.

Justin’s face melted into that famous sunshine smile. “Well,” Daphne said, “I guess you liked what you heard, eh?”

“He wants me to consider some freelance work on a few projects they are currently working on!” Justin said excitedly.

“That’s wonderful, baby,” Emmett exclaimed, “Just what you need!”

Kiki, just as Emmett finished talking, walked over with their dinners. “Meatloaf special, grilled cheese no fries, and grilled cheese no fries. Need anything else? Ketchup? Mustard? Condom?”

Daphne laughed. “No, I think we’re good, Kiki, thanks!” She then took a huge bite of her grilled cheese sandwich.

“Great! I’ll bring the two pieces of apple pie in a minute.”

Nothing more was said as all parties were devouring their dinners, even Justin was eating with gusto. A few minutes later, Kiki brought the two pieces of pie and Emmet and Daphne devoured them, too.

Just as Daphne was eating her last bite of pie, Justin felt a wave of nausea grab him.

“I’ll be right back.” Justin stood and hurried to the restroom. He felt horrid and the heaving started a few seconds after he got to the toilet. He quickly emptied his stomach, but it didn’t help; he still felt awful. He cleaned himself up and went back to Daphne and Emmett.

As he got back to the table, he noticed Brian talking with Emmett and Daphne. It looked to be a fairly heated discussion.

“Look,” Brian said, “Will you just tell him that I want to talk to him?”

Justin opened his mouth to give a scathing response, but before he could, he felt a wave of nausea hit him hard. Then, a sea of blackness began encroaching on his vision. He felt weird. The last thing he heard as he dropped to the floor were several voices crying, “Justin!”

“Yes, this is directly linked to the radiation treatments,” a male voice said that sounded very far away. The tone of the voice caused Justin to be very concerned; something was telling him that he needed to pay attention to the voice. Justin tried with all his might to focus on the voice, but couldn’t quite manage it. He felt himself quickly slipping back into the black oblivion of silence.

The next time Justin remembered anything he was beyond excited. His heart was excitedly beating a rapid tattoo; his palms were profusely sweating; but he was smiling happily up into Brian’s equally smiling face. And that, Justin thought, was all that really mattered. The official before them had just declared them husband and husband. Brian arched his eyebrow as he leaned down to kiss Justin. Justin eagerly opened his mouth and let Brian in.

“Mmmm,” Brian said after ending the kiss, “You taste like home, Sunshine.”

“So, do you,” Justin said as he leaned up to continue kissing Brian, but suddenly someone pulled him harshly away.

“No!” he cried as he was pulled farther and farther away from Brian. The pulling continued until he could no longer see Brian. Everything went black and quiet.

“It was always a possibility” Justin heard someone say. At least, that’s what he thought they said. The voice sounded really fuzzy like a bad radio reception. He was also sure that he’d heard the male voice before, he just couldn’t quite recall when or where.

“What should our expectations be?” said a voice that he definitely knew. It was a strong female voice that he instantly recognized as his mother’s. He wondered why she sounded like she’d been crying. He should probably make sure that she’s ok.

“M…” was all he got out before the world went black again and silence reigned.

The sun was shining and Molly looked wonderful. She looked so beautiful and grown up. She was dancing with a tall, handsome man that was looking at her with adoration in his eyes. His mother was nearby and she had tears running down her face, but he could tell that they were happy tears.

He felt warm arms wrap around him from behind and he turned his head just in time for Brian to kiss his cheek.

“Having fun?” Brian asked him as he swept him onto the dance floor. Justin simply nodded, smiling widely. Brian expertly maneuvered them around the dance floor until Brian stopped dancing. He saw Brian gasp, felt a sharp pain to his head and stomach, and slipped into a dark world.

“Shouldn’t he be awake by now?” Justin heard a loud voice ask. He wanted to tell them that the voice was giving him a headache, but his voice wouldn’t work. So, he did the next best thing- he moaned.

“Justin?” several desperate voices called.

“Justin,” his mother said. “Justin, can you hear me?”

“Mmmm,” was all he seemed to be able to get out, but, apparently, that was enough.

“Oh, Justin!” his mother exclaimed as she grabbed one of this hands and brushed the hair out of his eyes with her other hand. “Someone let the doctor know that he’s awake!”

Justin heard a door quickly open and shut.

“Mmm,” he tried to talk again, but it just wasn’t working.

“Shhh,” his mother said, “Don’t talk. You’ve been really sick. The doctor will check you out and then we’ll know more.”

He didn’t even try to talk again; he just nodded his head in agreement. Soon thereafter, the fatigue won, and Justin could feel himself slipping back into the land of sleep.

“Thirsty,” Justin surprised himself by saying. His eyes blinked several times and he could see bright lights above him.

“Oh, sweetie, you’re awake again!” Jennifer said as her face came into view above Justin. He gave her what he hoped was a slight smile. “Let me get you some water.” She poured something into a glass from a plastic pitcher. Helping to hold his head up, she gently placed the cup to his lips. Justin didn’t think he’d ever tasted anything as good as that room temperature water.

His mother placed the cup down and said, “Let me tell the nurses that you’re awake again.” She walked away and he heard a door open. He adjusted himself a bit in his bed and noticed that someone else was in the room with him. There on the far side of the room looked to be Brian.

“Brian?” he gasped out.

Brian uncrossed his legs and shifted forward in his seat. Justin could quite clearly see that it was indeed Brian. He took a moment to savor the fact that Brian Kinney was there, but then everything that had happened hit him. He remembered the trick. He remembered how Brian had made him feel. He remembered that Brian didn’t want his love.

“No.” Justin clearly said.

“Justin?” Brian said, standing up and moving towards the bed, “Are you all right?”

“No! Get out! I won’t let you hurt me again!” Justin screamed. He heard the room to his door fly open and several people entered.

“Mr. Taylor?” a woman that he didn’t recognize called his name. She was obviously a nurse. “Mr. Taylor?”

“Get out!” he yelled. “No! No! No!”

The nurse turned to Brian. “I’m sorry, Mr. Kinney, but I can’t let the patient be upset. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Brian tried one more time, “Justin, please.” The expression on Brian’s face was pleading, but Justin knew it wasn’t real. He knew that Brian just wanted to be the Knight in Shining Armor; he didn’t really want nor need Justin.

“No!” Justin exclaimed, “I won’t let you keep hurting me!”

“Please, Mr. Kinney, I need you to leave.” the nurse implored. Justin felt slightly better when he saw Brian turn to leave, but was confused when his mother put a comforting hand on Brian’s forearm before he left the room.

“Now, Mr. Taylor, I want you to calm down,” The nurse said again. “The doctor will be here in a moment and will want to look you over. We don’t want you all excited then, ok?” Justin nodded his agreement and settled himself on his hospital bed.

Jennifer walked over, grabbed his hand, and rubbed it while she held it.

When the nurse left, Justin turned towards his mother and demanded, “What was he doing here?”

“Not now, Justin,” she said, “We’ll talk about it later. The doctor could be here any minute.”

“Mom,” Justin started to ask again, but stopped when she looked at him.

“Not now, Justin.” She reiterated. Justin nodded.

A few seconds later, a man in a white lab coat walked in. He was short, a bit on the rotund side, and had a large, handlebar-styled mustache. Justin thought he looked rather comical; he certainly looked jovial.

“Well, Mr. Taylor,” the man said, holding out his hand, “It’s nice to finally meet you.” Justin shook the outstretched hand. “You’ve had a rough week or so. What do you last remember?”

“I think I was at the diner with Emmett and Daphne. That’s the last thing I remember- well, that and a couple of people calling my name as my vision went black.” The doctor looked to his mother to confirm this. She affirmed with a nod.

“Very good. Can you tell me your name?”

“Justin Taylor,” Justin said with a bit of a smirk. He wondered if the doctor was going to confirm this with his mother, too. He didn’t.

“Great! Let me fill you in on what has happened. We were informed by your mother, friends, and partner that you are currently undergoing radiation treatment for testicular cancer. Learning that, I contacted your oncologist. He assured me that they feel that the surgery got 100% of the cancer and are doing the radiation treatments as more of a precautionary statement than anything else. That being said, the radiation treatments have severely hindered your immune system. Thus, you got a really nasty intestinal infection. It was touch and go for awhile, but I think we have it under control.”

“Intestinal infection,” Justin restated. “So, some of the nausea, vomiting, and stuff wasn’t just the radiation side effects?”

“In your case, Justin, no they were not. You had a serious bacterial infection in your intestines. When they brought you into the emergency room eight days ago, you were running an incredibly high temperature and your body was in severe distress; however, I think we have everything under control. I’ll need you to stay here a few more days; we want to make sure the fever doesn’t return. Once you are ready to go home, I'll change you from IV antibiotics to oral ones. And I must insist that you take all of these antibiotics, no matter how good you feel, ok?”

Justin nodded his agreement.

“Good. Well, do you have any questions you’d like to ask?”

Justin thought for a moment, “So, I can go home in a day or two?”

The doctor nodded, “Yes, I think that’s realistic, but you will need to follow up with your GP and your oncologist. They’ll need to decide how they want to continue your radiation treatment, if at all.”

“Ok,” Justin said. He felt his eyes getting very heavy. The doctor must have noticed because he said for Justin to get some rest, nodded to Jennifer, and quietly left the room. Justin wanted to talk to his mother, but he was just too tired. He was soon in dreamland.

When Justin woke the next morning, he noticed that Jennifer and Daphne were fervently whispering in the corner.

“Mom?” he called out.

“Justin, good morning, how are you feeling?” Jennifer asked as moved to stand by his bed.

He smiled, “Not too bad. Hey, Daphne, how are things?”

Daphne came over to the bed, grabbed his hand, and said, “Better now that you are awake. You had us all worried. I thought Brian was going to lose it when you collapsed at the diner.”

Justin snorted at her statement about Brian. He saw a look pass between Daphne and his mother. “What?” he inquired.

“Nothing,” Daphne unconvincingly said.

“Right,” Justin sarcastically said, “Nothing. Let’s try this again: What?”

Jennifer spoke up this time, “Well, Justin, it’s just that you reacted really badly to Brian being here when you woke up. I know you are having issues, but was it really necessary to react that way? You hurt him badly.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! First off, you’ve never really approved of our relationship, so I would have thought us breaking up would have had you dancing in the streets.”

“Now, Justin,” his mother interrupted, “I might have had some issues with Brian in the beginning, but he has more than proved that he cares about you.”

“When? When he fucked a trick in front of me because someone hurt his precious ego? Or was it when he fucked a trick in front of me to make sure I understood that I wasn’t that important to him. Or how about when he fired me from Vanguard because I said something to a client? Or when…”

Jennifer’s eyes got big, but she continued on, “How about when he took you in after the bashing? How about when he helped pay for you to go to P.I.F.A.? How about when has done a million different things? I’m not saying that he’s perfect. Hell, I know he’s not perfect, but he’s Brian, and you love him. You love him.”

“Well, I might love him, but he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me to love him. He’s made that more than clear. So, I think it’s time that I move on and find a way to be happy without Brian Kinney.”

“Fine,” Jennifer, said, “If that’s what you think you need to do.” Justin sat back and felt vindicated. “But,” Jennifer continued, “Not until you’ve talked to Brian. You owe him that.”

“I don’t owe him anything but the money I took to pay for school.”

“Justin,” his mother sad with sadness, “I know you don’t believe that. I’ll support you no matter what you do, but I have to say what I think is right- And I think the right thing is to, at the very least, talk to Brian. Hear him out, ok? Just hear him out.”

Justin was not amused, but he could tell by the look on Daphne’s face that she agreed with his mother. “I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can offer.”

Jennifer gave him a small smile and rubbed his arm, “That’s all I ask. Well, I better get home. I need to grab some food on the way home and pick up your sister from Kelly’s house. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? Oh, I might be a little later than normal. I have to show a client a house first thing tomorrow morning, but I’ll get here as soon as I can, ok?”

Justin nodded. He waited until his mom had left the room before he turned to Daphne, “And I guess you agree with my mother?”

She didn’t say anything. She just took his hand, kissed the back of it, and nodded that she did. Justin sighed. He had a lot to think about.

Justin had just finished his nurse aided shower when his mother arrived. With the help of the male nurse, he slowly got into bed and pulled the covers up. He gave his mother a smile in greeting.

‘How are you feeling?” she asked with a kiss to his forehead, once he was settled.

“Not too bad. I don’t think I realized how sick I was. I just thought it was part of the radiation treatments, not a separate issue. As it is, I actually feel pretty good. My appetite is definitely returning.” He leaned closer to his mother and whispered conspiratorially, “I would kill for a cheeseburger from the diner. Just the thought of a big cheeseburger with onions, mustard, and bacon, makes my mouth water.”

His mom laughed and whispered back, “Well, I guess you are feeling better. I’ll see what I can do!” Justin smiled his thanks.

The male nurse, who had been cleaning up after Justin’s shower and removing all the dirty linens, said with a mischievous smile, “I’m all done in here. Have a great day, Mr. Taylor, and I didn’t hear anything about a cheeseburger.” And with that said, the nurse left the room and quietly closed the door behind him. Jennifer and Justin looked at one another and had a hearty laugh.

“So, have you heard from your oncologist?” his mother asked as she took a seat in the nearby visitor’s chair.

“The nurse that came in to take my vitals before my shower said that he should be in before lunch. I’m not sure what to expect. Do you think they’ll stop the radiation treatments?”

“I have no idea,” his mother said. “I would imagine that it might be an option considering how sick you were. I’m sure they don’t want a repeat of an infection that was so serious.”

Justin nodded. “Well, I can’t say that I would be all that upset if they decided to stop them.”

“I would imagine not,” his mother agreed. “Listen, Justin, I think you should know that after our talk last night, I called Brian.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?” he snarled at his mother. “I can’t believe this. Why would you do this? You knew I wanted to think about it- That I need to come to terms to what’s happened on my own.”

“Because I think it’s more important that the two of you talk. Nothing can be decided until you two know where the other stands. So, I called him.”

“I cannot believe that my mother is taking Brian fucking Kinney’s side.”

“Justin,” his mother interjected, practically commanded, “I am NOT taking his side. I just don’t want to see you both make a horrendous mistake. If, after talking, you still feel that going in different directions is what is best, I’ll support you completely. Until then, well, I think you should talk.”

“Yes, you’ve made that abundantly clear,” Justin said with obvious disdain.

“Good,” she said, “I want you to understand where I’m coming from. I’m doing this for, not Brian and not me. You.” That was the last his mother said anything about her opinions on the matter until the next day when he was released from the hospital.

While it had been a hard decision, he’d decided that he wanted to go back to Deb’s house for awhile. She had happily agreed, and Carl and she were currently waiting for him to arrive. They had both taken the day off to help him settle back in.

As they were packing his things up and waiting on the wheelchair to take him down, his mother let it be known that they were making a detour before heading to Debbie’s.

“And where would that be? Aren’t Carl and Debbie waiting on us to arrive?” Justin asked his mother, giving her a genuinely perplexed look.

“You’ll see,” she mysteriously responded. “And before you ask, yes, Carl and Debbie know about this.”

It didn’t take long at all for Justin to realize where they were headed. “You’re forcing the issue now? The first day I’m out of the hospital? You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Yes, I am,” his mother haughtily responded as she parked near the building on Tremont. She got out and helped him out of the car. “Forcing the issue, that is, and no, you don’t have any say in this.” She took him by the arm and got them carefully into the building, despite Justin’s obvious unwillingness.

While waiting for the elevator, Justin asked, “So, you really think this is the best thing I can do?”

“Yes, I do. As I have said several times now, I’m not telling you to go back to Brian. I’m asking you to talk to him. Neither one of you can continue as things are. Either fix it or walk away, but don’t keep each other hanging. I grappled at my own relationship with you father for far too long, and, in the end, I regretted it. You think I don’t know that you think it was about you? It wasn’t. It was about him, and it was about me. No one else, Justin, so I’m asking you to not linger on with Brian- either fix it or walk away, but talk to him and make that decision. ” His mother practically pleaded with him. She lifted the main door to the elevator and beckoned him in.

“Fine,” Justin said as his mother closed the door and selected the top floor. “But don’t expect this to end prettily. Take me into the loft, and I’ll call you when I’m done.”

“That sure that I’ll need to pick you up?” she asked.

“Completely,” Justin responded with a firm voice.

Brian was waiting at the top floor with the metal door open. Justin could see that he was not going to play fair as he was only wearing a pair of jeans that weren’t even properly buttoned. Justin sighed quietly to himself. Sometimes he hated the animal magnetism that Brian Kinney had over him. Fine, he thought, I’ll make sure that that doesn’t play into the conversation.

Brian started to walk towards Jennifer and him, but Justin put up his hands in a stopping manner, “No. No touching. No rubbing the back of my neck. No kissing me to make me shut up. I’m here to talk and nothing else.”

Brian didn’t seem overly surprised by Justin’s actions or comments. He nodded and waved them into the loft. Jennifer helped Justin onto the couch and let them know that she’d be outside in the car- a mere phone call away.

When she left, the room was very quiet. Brian was looking out one of the big windows and Justin was waiting on Brian. After about 2 minutes of quiet, Justin was done. “Well, this was enlightening. Garrulous as always, Brian, thanks. Let me call my mother and I’ll be out of your hair for good.”

Justin started to hit the speed dial for his mother when Brian finally spoke. Justin stopped mid-motion.

“Please don’t.” Brian whispered.

“Please don’t what?” Justin asked.

“You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?” Brian asked with a self-deprecating laugh. He turned to look at Justin and the pain on his face was unmistakable.

“No,” Justin honestly answered with no fluff or fake niceness.

“Please don’t go,” Brian said, staring him directly in the eyes.

“And why shouldn’t I?” Justin asked, trying to keep Brian on the defensive. He knew that otherwise, he’d probably cave. He didn’t want to cave this time.

“Because I have a few things I want to say to you.” Brian said, walking closer to Justin.

“Well now, that’s a first, isn’t it? Personally, I think you’ve said plenty recently, or rather showed me plenty. You know, that saying, 'actions speak louder than words' thing.”

“Fuck, Justin, will you give me a moment to say what I have to say,” Brian said, obviously exasperated.

“Be my guest,” Justin sarcastically said.

“Jesus Christ, Justin, will you cut the shit and let me talk?” Brian pleaded again.

“If you must,” Justin said, beckoning with his hands for Brian to get this conversation going, “But personally, I think we’ve both said enough and done enough to each other to last a lifetime.”

“Fuck you, Justin. You claim to know who I am, how I work, but you let this get to you. You know this wasn’t about you. It was about me! Me! I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was doing it for me.”

“You?” Justin screamed. He slightly calmed himself down and continued in a less loud tone, “You? No, Brian, it was not just about you. Someone said something that Brian Kinney didn’t want to hear, and once again I am punished for it. Me, not you! You got to have your trick and fuck it, too. All is well in Brian Kinney’s legendary mind! Only, you forgot one little thing, Brian…”

Brian looked stricken. He looked as if he was about to say something, but thought better of it. His intense stare pleaded with Justin to continue, though Justin could tell that Brian knew he wasn’t going to like that he had to say.

“Motherfucker,” Justin spat. “You forgot that you weren’t punishing yourself. Hell, you weren’t even punishing Lindsay for what she said. No, once again, Justin gets the big fuck you! Fuck you, Brian, fuck you. Dear God, you said you wanted to help me through my good and bad times. Well, Brian, here’s a newsflash for you- you are my bad times. I’d rather deal with a hundred radiation treatments than be fucked over by you again. Damn it, Brian, I have given into you over and over. You wanted to trick. I dealt with it. Sure, in some ways, I like it, too, but not like you. So, again, I dealt with it. You won’t, not can’t, love me- Won’t. Fine, I try to love you enough for the both of us. But that isn’t good enough anymore, Brian. You want me to be the best homosexual that I can be? Well, that means standing up for my rights, my beliefs. And yes, that’s even if it means standing up to you. What you did that night with that trick was the worst thing that has EVER happened to me, and I’m including the bashing in that statement. You broke me that night, Brian. You broke me. I lost my faith in you and me.”

Brian’s expression was the definition of shock. Justin could tell that he didn’t know what to say or do. So, Justin decided to wait. He wanted to hear what the great Brian Kinney had to say.

“Justin,” Brian said in a strangled voice. One arm reaching towards Justin and dropping. He continued, “You know how I feel.”

“No, Brian, I don’t. You’ve never told me. You fuck me. You fix me. You help me out. But I can honestly say that I don’t know how you truly feel. You fuck me because it makes you feel good. You fix me because it makes you feel in control. You help me out because that’s what you think you should do. But I do know that someone that supposedly cares about or loves another would not make me suffer the way you make me suffer.”

“How can you say that? I show you how I feel all the time with my actions! ” Brian tried to assure Justin.

“So, I guess fucking a trick in front of me while I’m sick is really all I need to know. Well, message received loud and clear, Mr. Kinney. This conversation is complete.” Justin began to stand up.

“No!” Brian interjected. He pulled Justin into his arms and kissed him desperately. When Brian pulled slightly back, he began lovingly kissing and nibbling Justin’s chin, his neck. Justin used the slight distance to harshly push Brian away.

“That doesn’t work anymore, Brian. You know and I know that you can make me want you. You’ve always been able to do that. But, unfortunately, I need more than sex. I need love, and you’ve already admitted that you can’t- sorry, that you won’t- give me that.” Justin turned to walk away. “I don’t think we have anything more to say to one another. Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“Please don’t go, Justin,” Brian said. Justin turned to him. Brian Kinney never asked for anything. Hell, he rarely said please. “I need you here with me. Please,” he practically begged. “I need to know that you are all right. That you are safe, please, Justin. I need to be the one that keeps you safe. Please…”

“I know, Brian. I’ve always know. Unfortunately, I don’t think I need you anymore. I think you’re toxic for me. And I don’t want to keep being subjected to these toxins.” Justin turned back around and began to open the door.

Brian came up behind him, pushed him gently against the metal door. “I love you. I fucking love you.” Brian murmured to Justin as he wrapped his arms around him from behind. “I love you,” he whispered again into Justin’s hair at his nape.

“Brian,” Justin strangled out and thumped his head lightly against the door.

“You know I do. You know it. I. Love. You,” Brian desperately whispered. He continued to vehemently repeat how he felt into Justin’s hair, “You know it. You know that I love you. You know it…”

Justin closed his eyes and sighed. He wasn’t sure what he knew anymore.

Justin wasn’t sure how long they had been standing there. Brian was still wrapped around him from behind. He was alternately mumbling something into Justin’s hair and kissing his nape. Justin allowed himself a moment to bask in the luxuriousness of being held in Brian’s arms before he did what he knew he had to do.

He brought one of Brian’s hands up to his mouth and gently kissed the back of it. He flipped the hand over and kissed the palm. Then, he started gently pushing Brian away with his shoulders. He could feel the resistance in Brian’s arms, but eventually they gave way. Justin pushed himself from the metal door and turned himself in Brian’s arms. He knew he had to do this correctly, had to make sure that Brian understood that he was worthy of someone’s love. Someday…

“Brian,” Justin began, “I’ve always known that you love me.” He could see that Brian was about to interrupt. “I have, Brian. I know you love me. You have shown me that fact in many ways since we’ve met. Unfortunately, I need more than to just know it. I need to hear it. I need your actions and reactions to show it, to show that I am more important than what anyone else thinks or says. But that’s what I need. What you need to realize is that there is someone out there that is worthy of your love, and, more importantly, that you are worthy enough to have their love.” Brian’s face was crestfallen. It was almost enough to stop Justin from continuing. He refortified himself with his inner strength and continued, “Unfortunately, I think our time and realizations have come too late. We hurt each other, Brian. We cause each other pain. I love you too much. Hell, I love us too much to continue this as it is. We both deserve better than this.”

Justin, having said what he knew needed to be said, leaned under Brian’s arm and deftly extricated himself from Brian’s embrace. Quickly and chastely kissing Brian’s cheek in a final farewell, he turned to go, reaching for the cell phone in his pocket to call his mother and let her know that he was on his way down to the car.

“And that’s all there is?” Brian asked, still facing the metal door, not budging an inch. “Justin decides that we are no longer good for one another and that is it? Justin decides that our love isn’t healthy and that’s it? Well, fuck you, Justin. I give you what you want. What you have claimed to have needed all along and you still walk out….Just like always. Things are not perfect in ‘ittle Justin’s world and he runs.”

“I’m not running this time, Brian. I’m thankful to finally hear those words, but I think they are just too late. We’re toxic to each other. I’m stopping this for each of our sake’s, before we do more damage than can be repaired. I’m thrilled that you recognize the love within you. You are so good with Gus, with Lindsay, with Michael. Due to unfortunate circumstances, you don’t- or didn’t- think you were capable of the relationship type love. So, while it pains me more than you will ever know to say this, I’m thankful that you know you are capable of giving and receiving love; it just can’t be with me. I can’t live in fear all the time. Wondering when someone will say or do something that you once again don’t like and use it to hurt me. Love isn’t about hurt, Brian.”

“Yes, yes,” Brian snarled as he turned to look at Justin, and then began pacing back and forth in front of the door. He was effectively barring Justin from exiting the loft, “We know all about how you feel. Justin has his feelings hurt. Justin didn’t like this. Justin didn’t like that. Don’t treat Justin like this. Or don’t treat Justin like that. Well, sunshine, what about me? Are you telling me that none of my feelings count or matter in this situation? The fact that you ripped my heart out, stomped on it, exposed it for all of Liberty Avenue to see, and then left me to deal with the aftermath of the Justin tidal wake counts for nothing, huh? The fact that for months I hired look-a-like hustlers to pretend you were here with me? That, too, apparently counts for nothing.” Brian paused a moment to look significantly at Justin. Seconds later, he continued his tirade, “I thought you knew who I am…what I am. I thought, finally someone gets me! I’ve opened up to you more than anyone in my life. I’m doing the best I can. Are you telling me that our love isn’t good enough, isn’t doable unless it’s exactly as YOU think it should be. Well, fuck that. Love, to me, isn’t about catering to anyone. It’s about loving that person for one thing: Being themselves. It isn’t about change. It isn’t about sacrificing. It’s about knowing that person and their faults and loving them INSPITE of them. Letting the person you love be themselves!” Brian was breathing hard, every breath looked to be harshly inhaled and exhaled from his mouth and nose. His hands, that a moment ago had been outlandishly expressive, practically flailing wildly, were now serenely and gently holding his head. His fingers were partially carding his hair.

“Brian?” Justin tentatively spoke. He had never heard Brian speak so freely, so openly. He really wasn’t sure what to make of it. The truth was that Justin could feel his internal resolve melting away like chocolate in one’s hands on a sunny, hot, summer afternoon. There was a part of him that wanted to just throw his arms around Brian and make all the bad feelings go away for Brian. To the contradiction, there was also a part of him that still wanted to slap the shit out of Brian for all the antics that he had pulled. Why, Justin thought, couldn’t love be easy? Why was it so much hard work? Was anyone out there just in love and blissfully happy? Justin stopped his line of thinking. Brian. He needed to finish this, some way, with Brian.

Brian, he noticed, had not responded to his inquiry. He just stood there with his head in his hands and was still breathing rather harshly. Justin walked timidly up to him and tried to get his attention again by whispering, “Brian?” Justin cautiously reached out a hand to touch Brian’s shoulder just as Brian slowly pulled his hands from his face to look at Justin. Justin immediately withdrew his hand back to his side and never laid the comforting hand on Brian’s shoulder.

Staring intensely into his blue eyes, Brian’s look never wavered. His eyebrow arched in a questioning manner and Justin took it to mean that he was waiting for Justin to speak. “I don’t know what to say. I never knew that you felt that way, so passionately about us. Hell, about me. I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t.”

Brian choked a laugh, kind of gave a half huff, and gave a shrug. “That’s a first.” Justin waited for him to continue, but, characteristically, he didn’t.

“I would have loved to have known this before now.” Justin told Brian with a small, half smile. Brian simply shrugged in a capricious, almost non-concerned way and turned partly away from Justin, so that Justin could no longer look Brian directly in the eyes.

Justin bit his lip and thought about how he wanted to get the next part out. He quickly rubbed the back of his head, messing up his hair. “So, what do we do now?” he quietly, but somehow forcefully asked.

“No idea,” Brian carelessly and immediately responded. He still did not look towards Justin.

“Maybe we need a couple of days to think things through.” Justin offered, really just wanting Brian to start talking again; yet, somehow knowing that it was a lost cause, at least for now.

“Maybe,” was Brian’s non-helpful, harsh response. The response, once again, was shot back almost immediately. Brian reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Justin watched as he tapped the package a time or two on the palm of his hand, skillfully removed a cigarette, placed the cigarette in his mouth, and returned the package to his pocket. Brian then reached into his other pocket withdrew a lighter and lit the tip of the cigarette. He inhaled, held it, removed the cigarette from his mouth, and released the smoke entirely through his nose, while shoving the lighter back into his other pocket. Justin thought it was probably a weird thing to find beautiful, but he did.

The cigarette seemed to calm whatever inner beast was eating at Brian because he suddenly turned to Justin and nastily said, “You best be going, sunshine. I’m sure mommy is tired of waiting.”

Justin briefly closed his eyes to hide the pain that he knew was in his eyes. The part of him that wanted to find a way to work things out was always, it seemed, the part of him that was most hurt by Brian’s callousness. You’d think he would know that about Brian, understand it at this point. But, for some reason, he didn’t. It always hurt. It was quick, sharp, and brutally painful.

“I think she understands that we have things to talk about, Brian,” Justin assured Brian. “She knew what she was doing when she brought me here. But I do think that I should go to Debbie’s and we can talk in a few days when we’ve both had time to digest what has been said here today.” Justin took a step closer to Brian. “I really want to continue this, Brian, but I think that we both need a break. I’m just out of the hospital.” When Justin said that, Brian’s eyes flew to his in a questioning manner. Justin was almost relieved to see the concern in Brian’s eyes. He hadn’t consciously been seeking an emotional response from Brian, but it was nice to get it. Justin gave him a little nod to let him know that he really was fine. There was no sense in making Brian worry unnecessarily or to be cruel. “What do you say, Brian, to us meeting for dinner two days from tonight? We can meet somewhere away from Liberty avenue and just talk. See if there is anything left. I can give you or Cynthia a call tomorrow to finalize the plans, and we can have this out on neutral grounds.”

“I’m not sure, Justin, that I have a choice. You’ve made it quite clear that we are on your schedule.” Brian said.

“This isn’t about me or you. It’s about us. I want to sit down and finally talk about us. Is there an ‘us,’ Brian? Can there be an ‘us’ from here? All I can tell you is that there can’t be for me- unless we sit down in neutral territory and be honest with one another. ” Justin implored Brian.

Brian sighed loudly. He walked over to the refrigerator and retrieved two bottles of water. He opened them both, throwing the lids into the trash canister that was underneath the kitchen counter. Before taking a sip, he brought one to Justin. Justin took it and thanked him for it. As Justin was taking his first sip, Brian responded, “I guess I owe you that much, don’t I?”

Justin got caught in the surprise of Brian’s words and spewed water. He coughed a few times and wiped his mouth. Brian was smirking at him. Fucker, Justin thought, he did that on purpose. Justin pulled a classic Kinney and arched his eyebrow at him. Brian gave him a ‘you caught me’ look and nodded. “When and where do you want to do this, Justin?”

Justin gave him a large smile. Maybe, just maybe, there was some hope, after all. “Let’s meet in the park and have a picnic.” Justin, of course, had waited until Brian was taking a drink of his water. His SAT score, after all, was 1500.

Justin was in bed that night thinking about the earlier conversation with his mother. After leaving Brian’s loft, he had called his mother to let her know that he was on his way down. She had insisted that he wait there and let her take care of the heavy elevator door. A few moments later, she was beckoning him into the elevator and searching his face for any information about the talk with Brian.

“Just ask,” Justin said with a bit of sarcasm. He still wasn’t exactly thrilled with her and her meddling.

“Fine,” she said, no regret in her voice at her obvious curiosity, “I will. What happened in there?”

Justin motioned for her to follow him out of the elevator, left the building, and walked to the car parked out front. Obviously catching the hint that he wanted to talk in the car, his mother unlocked the car door with her key fob as she left the building. Justin got into the passenger side seat, put on his seat belt, and closed the door with his mother’s help. She walked around the car and got in behind the wheel; she, too, put her seat belt on. Then, she turned and waited for Justin to speak.

“To be honest,” Justin said, “I’m not sure what happened. I was convinced that we were through. As much as I didn’t want it to be and as much as I love Brian, I just finally thought that there was no way for us to be together and not hurt one another. I stood my ground and told him that we just weren’t going to work, that we hurt each other too much. In fact, I think I even used the word toxic.” His mother’s eyebrows shot past her hairline at that. He nodded at her with a slight, self-deprecating smile and continued, “I was so convinced. I just knew that it wasn’t going to work for us no matter how much I wanted it to.” Justin paused here to gather his thoughts. “And then he started to speak. I’ve never seen Brian that way, Mom. Never. He was so emotional and verbose. I think part of it was more the emotion and the fact that he was actually sharing with me than what he was saying. I could feel his emotions just from the intensity of his voice. And then I listened to what he said. He was telling me that I was being unfair to him! Unfair! After all the crap he’s done recently, I’m the one being unfair? So, I felt myself getting angry, but then I took a moment to listen to what he was saying. And, I think there’s a lot of truth in what he said. You love someone for who they are, and that means accepting the good with the bad. I know how Brian is. I guess I just forgot. He’s done a lot of good things for me. Sure, there have been bad times, but who doesn’t have those, right? The fact of the matter is that I love him. Him. I have to take the good with the bad.”

“Oh, honey, I think you’ve misinterpreted my actions.” Jennifer said. She put a hand to his cheek and gave it a loving pat. There were tears in her eyes.

He looked at her quizzically, “What do you mean?”

“I know you love Brian. And I know that, for the most part, Brian makes you happy. Sometimes, however, Brian does really awful things- to you and to himself. Don’t just cave back into his arms. Make this count for something, ok?”

“What do you mean? You think I should leave Brian? After all this bullshit you’ve been feeding me,” Justin practically yelled, “Driving me here; telling me to talk to him. You’ve just been trying to get me to leave him? What is this a case of classic reverse psychology? What kind of games are you playing?”

“Justin,” his mother calmly said, “I am not playing games. I’m a mother. And more than anything on this planet, I want my son to be happy, really happy. It’s so hard to sit back and watch Brian hurt you. But it’s also just as awful watching you hurt when you aren’t with him. I just want you to use this time in your life to get things settled for yourself and that includes settling things with Brian. I realized long ago that you love him. And I’ll even concede that he loves you. But figure out how to stop hurting each other. Now.” Jennifer’s voice had become as stern as steel. “I don’t think I can sit back and hear another story like the one when you were still on radiation treatments…”

Justin looked at his mother in new eyes. She wasn’t trying to force him into anything, except happiness. And he also had a feeling that Brian better watch it- his mother was none too pleased with Mr. Kinney.

He nodded and said, “Well, that’s how the conversation ended. We’re trying to find something that will work for us both. Nothing is decided, but he’s actually willing to try.”

She smiled at him. “Good.” She then leaned over, kissed his cheek, started the car, and headed to Debbie’s house.

Justin was still thinking about the rest of the conversation when there was a knock on his bedroom door. “Come in,” he said without thinking to ask who it was.

The door slightly opened and a head came around the corner. “Can I talk to you a minute,” Michael asked, an earnest look on his face.

Great, Justin thought, just what I need during all of this- Michael giving his enlightening ‘I’m his best friend’ opinions about Brian. “Sure,” he said against his better judgment.

“I’m not here to talk about Brian.” Michael declared; his hands put up in a surrendering fashion.

Justin had to stop himself from laughing out loud. “So, Debbie told you to stay out of our business, huh?” Justin correctly assumed.

“In a much interesting manner than you just put it,” Michael responded with a grin. Justin nodded with a snort. Debbie could be quite interesting when she wanted to be.

“So, then, what can I do for you?” Justin asked, again assuming correctly that this must be about Rage.

Michael’s eyes seemed to light up. Justin thought he just might enjoy this conversation after all. “You will never in a million years guess who contacted me- well, us- today!” Michael was practically jumping up and down. He was bouncing up and down on his toes like a little kid waiting at the candy store to pay for his lollipop.

Justin had to chuckle at Michael’s antics, “I have no idea, Michael. Santa Claus?”

“Better!” Michael exclaimed. “Come on, just give me one guess. Just one!”

“Ok, Ok! Let’s see. Someone that’s got you this excited? Captain Astro’s publisher,” Justin proposed.

“No,” Michael said, “No, but that would have been cool, too! No, Brett Keller!”

Justin was truly taken back. Brett Keller had called Michael. He said it again in his mind and then out loud, “Brett Keller?” Justin repeated back rather dumbly. “The Brett Keller? The Brett Keller that’s a big Hollywood director? That Brett Keller?”

Michael nodded his head enthusiastically up and down. His eyes were twinkling with excitement. Wow, Justin thought, no wonder he’s excited! “It gets better,” Michael continued with his news, “He wants to make Rage into a movie! Can you believe it? Can you fucking believe it? Rage being made into a movie!”

“Oh my God!” Justin vociferated. He stood up and walked over to Michael. “Are you telling me that Brett Keller wants to make Rage into a movie?”

Michael nodded heartily again and smiled widely, his nose crinkling from the depth of his smile. He put his hands on Justin’s shoulders and pulled him into a light hug. “Rage the Movie!” he excitedly repeated.

Justin found he couldn’t stop grinning as pulled back from Michael’s embrace. “So, are they ready to move forward?”

“Yeah, that’s why he called. He said that he’d been pitching it to some Hollywood bigwigs and they were ready to sign off on the deal provided that Brett brings us on board!”

Justin couldn’t believe it. They wanted to make a movie about their comic book and they were ready to go. He then thought about the last part of Michael’s statement. “What does onboard mean? They want the rights, what?”

Unfortunately, Justin noticed that Michael’s eyes were a bit dimmer than before. Justin mentally prepared himself; he probably wasn’t going to like this part of everything. “Brett wants me to help with the screen play and you to help with the set design.”

Justin could see where this was going. “So, how often would we need to be out there?”

“Well, he feels that I could work mostly from home, sending most things via e-mail…” Michael said, tapering off at the end.

“And me?” Justin asked, now knowing for sure that he wasn’t going to like this.

“I know you are recovering from cancer. And I know things aren’t so great with Brian, right now.” Michael interjected.

“What’s the deal, Michael?” Justin was in no mood to have things sugarcoated.

“They want you there for just under a year. Brett also mentioned that you could help the art director.”

“A year?” Justin reiterated in disbelief. “They want me to go out there for a year? To give up my life here? You have got to be kidding me!”

“It’s a great opportunity,” Michael offered, “For both of us.”

“Yeah,” Justin remarked, “But you don’t have to move there for a year! Michael, my family is here. My friends are here! My doctors are here!”

“Brian is here?” Michael sagaciously offered.

“That adds a whole extra level of bullshit,” Justin assured him. “We’re supposed to meet in two nights to discuss things. How can I do that if I’m leaving for a year? Shit!” Justin put his hand to his head to try to deflect the headache he could already feel forming. It didn’t help. He turned from Michael and stared out the room’s window into the cloudless night sky.

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Michael quietly offered. “Maybe you and Brian really need a break.”

Justin rolled his eyes. Yes, he thought angrily, you would think that, Michael. You’ve been thinking that for about four years now. So, it’d be just what you want, wouldn’t it? He could hear Michael getting restless when he didn’t respond with in a couple of minutes.

“Well, umm,” Michael began cautiously, “It’s something to think about anyway. I best be getting home. Ben is making an edamame casserole that’s supposed to be incredible. I’ll, umm, give you a call tomorrow, ok?” With a pat to Justin’s back, he heard Michael leave the room, the door closing softly behind him.

Justin belatedly nodded his head in agreement and leaned his head against the cool window pane. Maybe the cool would help the raging headache that was building.

He was still standing there twenty minutes later when there was another knock to his door. Pulling himself from his deep, conflicted thoughts, he walked over to the door and opened it.

There stood Brian with his hands behind his back. He was wiggling his eyebrows and there was a long stem rose being held between his teeth. Brian ceremoniously retrieved the rose from between his teeth and handed it to Justin with a bow. “For you, Mr. Taylor. May I come in?”

Justin’s mind was in overload. Fuck! Why was it that every time he and Brian had a chance to move forward and get things right, something had to bitch slap them out of nowhere? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

“Justin?” Brian asked, pulling Justin from this thoughts, “Are you ok?” Justin looked into Brian’s face and could see the concern. “Justin?” he asked again.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Justin said, “I just got some news from Michael.”

“From Mikey? What great exciting news did Mikey bring you?”

Justin took a deep breath. “Let’s not talk about that now. What’s brought you here?”

Brian looked at him like he was crazy. “You,” he said with a sly smile and an obvious leer.

‘I thought you didn’t chase after anyone.” Justin said, taunting him.

“Well,” Brian started and then paused. He looked very out of his element, almost unsure of himself. Justin understood when Brian softly continued, “I was wrong. Some people are worth it.”

Justin smiled his ‘sunshine’ smile and put everything else to the back of his mind. He wanted to enjoy this moment.

Justin woke the next morning with a happy smile on his face, especially as he remembered the way the night before had ended. After Brian had arrived with the rose and said some of the words that Justin really needed to hear, Brian had pulled Justin into an embrace and kissed him senseless. Justin could recall the intense feeling of satisfaction being in Brian’s arms again had brought him. Then, Brian had smattered small, wet, open mouth kisses all over Justin’s chin and neck. Justin remembered almost laughing when the kisses had turned to nuzzles; they had practically tickled. Then, out of nowhere, Brian had very gently pushed him back on the bed and quickly joined him.

There had been tantalizing moments of flesh on flesh, mind blowing kisses, and lots of small, inconsequential talk until Justin realized that he was not supposed to be aroused, and that he and Brian should also probably talk about Rage the movie. So after reminding Brian that the oncologist had suggested no arousing or sexual acts for two whole weeks, Justin had timidly told Brian that they needed to talk.

“Uh-uh,” Brian said, kissing him chastely on the nose, “Our talk isn’t until tomorrow. Now, turn around so that I can hold you until you go to sleep.” Justin gave him a searching look and realized that Brian really didn’t want to talk until the next evening. So, he pecked Brian on the mouth and urged Brian off the bed. Once they both were up, Justin rearranged the covers, crawled in, and motioned for Brian to join him. Brian got in behind him and pulled him firmly into his warm, tight body. With a kiss to his ear and a light squeeze, Brian softly said, “Goodnight.” The last thing Justin remembered before falling asleep is that it felt so good to be back in those arms.

Justin was pulled from his musings of the night before by the brilliant sunlight hitting his face. Realizing that it must be getting late, he threw back the covers and got out of bed. Grabbing the clothes he wanted to wear, he opened the door, checked the time, and headed to the hall bathroom. Mentally noting that he only had twenty minutes before his mom would be there to take him to the doctor’s office, he quickly pulled his clothes off, set the water to an appropriate and enjoyable temperature, and jumped into the shower.

He gave himself a moment or two to enjoy the warm water cascading over his head and down his body before getting to work and finishing his shower. He was just pulling up his underwear when there was a brief knock on the door.

“Sunshine, your ride is here.” Debbie called from the other side of the wooden door.

“Ok,” he called, “I should be ready in a few minutes.” He quickly grabbed his pants, put them on, and then did the same with his shirt. With a quick brush stroke or two through his hair, he pulled open the door to find Brian leaning on the wall just outside the bathroom. He was smirking at him.

“Brian?” Justin queried.

Brian shrugged in an overly nonchalant way that immediately let Justin know that what he was about to say was very, very important. “I thought you might like to ride in a cool car to the doctor’s office.”

Justin smiled and assured Brian, “Yeah, I would like that.” He walked up to Brian, placed a hand behind his neck, and pulled him down for a highly pleasurable kiss. Justin wore a smirk himself when he heard Brian moan out loud from his pulling away. Stepping back from Brian, Justin patted him on the chest and said, “We need to go or I’ll be late.”

Brian, with his tongue pushing on his cheek, nodded and motioned for Justin to head down the hall. Grabbing his coat and gloves from the coat tree, Justin was surprised when he felt Brian helping him get his coat on. Once it was on, Justin turned to Brian and gave him an odd look.

Brian shrugged his shoulders. “You looked like you needed some help,” he declared before opening the door; once again, he motioned for Justin to get going.

The trip in the car was pretty casual. Brian’s car radio was playing a classic rock station, and Justin was semi-amused to hear Brian humming along to a few of the songs.

At a stoplight about five minutes from the doctor’s office, Justin got up the courage to ask Brian about dinner. “So,” Justin began, “Should we talk about plans for dinner tonight or should I just call Cynthia later on this afternoon when you have a better idea what today’s work load is going to look like?”

Brian gave him a brief look before the light turned green. “You should probably call Cynthia. Leo Brown has been up my ass all week and not in a way that I typically enjoy. In fact, I’m pretty sure that he’s going to want to meet in the next few days.”

Justin nodded. He knew how important that account was to Kinnetik and to Brian. “Ok, I’ll give her a call later on this afternoon.”

Pulling into a parking spot, Brian confirmed with a quick mumble and put the car into park. Brian met Justin at the back of the car and together they walked into the doctor’s office.

Waiting a mere five minutes, Justin was called back by the nurse. Brian gave his hand a gentle, comforting squeeze and picked up a magazine as Justin walked back to the examining rooms.

Justin had been sitting on the examining table for several minutes when his oncologist walked in.

Extending his hand for shaking, the doctor greeted him, “Good morning, Mr. Taylor. How are you feeling?”

“A lot better now that the nausea and diarrhea has stopped.” Justin said as he shook the doctor’s hand.

The doctor half laughed and said, “I bet. I just looked over your last set of test results before leaving the hospital. I’m pleased with the lab results that I’ve seen. I spoke with your hospital doctor and your G.P. We all feel that taking you off the radiation is probably for the best. The intestinal infection you acquired was rather nasty; we’re lucky that it didn’t go septic. That being said, I also need to make sure that the cancer doesn’t recur. So, I’m proposing that for the next six months we check your blood work every four weeks and an ultrasound of the area in question every six weeks. How does that sound to you?”

“I trust your advice, so I guess I’ll see you in about three weeks?” Justin queried, half agreeing and half asking.

The doctor nodded his agreement. “You can make an appointment as you leave. Let me give you some lab sheets. That way, you can just go get the lab work done wherever and whenever is best for you. Although, let me assure you that if I don’t have lab results in three weeks, I will be calling you.”

“And I believe you!” Justin quipped as he walked out of the room into the hallway. He stopped at the exit desk and made an appointment for the ultrasound in six weeks. He had barely walked through the door to the waiting room when Brian was by his side and checking his face for any signs of distress. Justin gave him a smile to relieve Brian’s obvious concern. As they left the medical building, Brian verbally confirmed, “Things still ok?”

“Yeah, he’s decided to keep me off the radiation treatments. I have to have blood work done every four weeks and an ultrasound every six weeks for the next six months. They are still very optimistic that things are good.” Justin wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw Brian visibly exhale in relief.

Getting into the car, Brian asked, “Want me to take you to Debbie’s or the diner?”

Justin thought about it a moment and said, ‘The diner. That way I can call my mom and see if she wants to meet up for lunch. Speaking of which, how did you talk her into letting you bring me to the doctor’s office?”

Brian smiled. “That’s between your mom and me.”

“That isn’t any fun.” Justin assured him.

“Well, that’s all you’re going to get, Sunshine.” Justin chuckled. He’d just ask his mom. As if reading his mind, Brian added, “She won’t tell you.”

“And how do you know that?” Justin asked.

“It was part of the deal,” Brian replied sagaciously. Brian looked at Justin and laughed. “Nice pout, Sunshine, it becomes you.”

“Ha! Ha! Ha!” Justin sarcastically retorted. As Brian pulled up in front of the diner, Justin double checked, “So, I’ll call Cynthia this afternoon for confirmation?”

“Yep,” Brian confirmed as he leaned over and pulled Justin by his jacket into scorching kiss that left Justin wanting a lot more. With a smile, a wave, and knowing that Brian would meet him later to talk, Justin finally got out of the car and went into the diner.

“Sunshine,” Debbie practically screeched as he walked in.

“Hey, Deb, busy today?” he asked.

“Not since breakfast ended about thirty or so minutes ago. You called your mom, yet?” she inquired.

“Was just getting to that,” Justin assured her and further proved his point by pulling out his cell phone and flipping it open. He quickly depressed her speed dial code on his phone and heard it ring. She picked up on the third ring. “Hey, Mom,” he said as he sat down in a corner booth.

“Hi, sweetie,” she warmly replied, “How did things go at the oncologist’s office?”

“Pretty Good. Everyone seems to agree that stopping the radiation treatments are for the best considering the type of infection that I had; however, that means I now have to have blood work done every four weeks and ultrasounds every six weeks to make sure the cancer is really gone.”

“After seeing you so sick in the hospital, I have to say that I’m relieved that they stopped the radiation treatments.”

“Yeah, I’d agree with you there and I know Dr. Finnegan is one of the best, so I trust his judgment.”

“That’s what’s important,” his mother agreed.

“So, can you meet your handsome son for lunch? I’m at the diner.” Justin informed her.

“I think I can do that. Give me,” Justin could hear rustling of things in the background, “Can you give me about thirty minutes to finish up here?”

“Sure,” Justin said, “I’ll just get Debbie to make me a chocolate fudge sundae to tide me over until you get here. See you in thirty or so minutes.” He heard his mother laughing as he pushed the ‘end’ button on his phone.

“A chocolate fudge sundae, eh?” Debbie said from across the room.

“Yep, a chocolate fudge sundae. Oh, and heavy on the nuts, please,” Justin sarcastically cracked. Debbie’s resulting laugh was contagious and Justin joined in a second later.

He had long finished his sundae when his mother arrived forty-five minutes later looking very rushed.

“Hi,” she practically sighed as she slid into the booth across from Justin.

“Hey,” he responded, “Everything ok?”

She smiled, “Yeah, the client just couldn’t seem to get it together. I want three bathrooms. No, no, I need four bathrooms. Honestly, you’d think someone would know how many frigging bathrooms they’d need!” She shook her head and Justin could tell she was pretty exasperated. “Enough about me! How was that chocolate fudge sundae?”

“Gone,” Debbie assured her as she come up to take their order. Justin quickly ordered a fish sandwich, tator tots, and a side of coleslaw with a large Coke to wash it down. Jennifer rolled her eyes at Justin’s order and ordered a bowl of tomato soup with a grilled cheese and water.

While waiting on their food, Justin tried to get his mother to tell him how she agreed to let Brian take him to the doctor’s office. Jennifer flat out refused.

“Please,” Justin cajoled.

“No, now drop it, sweetheart,” Jennifer said, finality about the subject clearly evident in her tone.

Deciding to give up for now, Justin and she talked about other things: Molly, his art, etc. When Justin and his mother had just finished their lunches, Michael walked into the dinner and headed straight for the booth Justin and his mother were sharing. Plopping down beside Justin, Michael began talking a mile a minute. “I just heard from Brett Keller again. He wants to talk to you like yesterday. He thinks things could start rolling as soon as three weeks from today. You need to get your bags packed, Justin! L.A., here you come!”

Justin wondered if Michael even took a breath during the entire verbal spewing. He also noticed that his mother was looking at him very oddly. She obviously wanted to ask a million questions about what Michael had just partially spilled on.

“Michael,” Justin calmly spoke, “Would you mind letting us finish our lunches?” Justin pointed his index finger in his mother’s direction and then his a few times. “Then, I will be happy to discuss this issue with you.”

“Sorry,” Michael sheepishly said to Jennifer. “I’m just so excited about Rage being made into a movie!” His mother’s eyebrows went way into her hairline with that comment. She looked pointedly at Justin. Her head was cocked a little to the side and she looked very concerned, surprised, and taken aback. It was not a good look on his mother, he thought.

He turned to Michael. “Jesus Christ, Michael,” Justin said completely annoyed, his voice starting to rise, “Nothing is decided yet! Furthermore, I would have liked to have been the one to share this information with my mother. Sheesh!”

Michael’s eyes got big and he immediately looked contrite. “Sorry! Sorry! I’ll…umm…go talk to mom for a few minutes and come back when you two are finished.” Michael hurriedly got out of the booth and went to talk to his mother.

Justin’s mother looked at him rather intensely for a few moments. When she spoke, the words that came out of her mouth were not what he was expecting at all. “Does Brian know about this little development?”

Justin shook his head in the negative. “I tried to tell him last night, but he said he didn’t want to talk until tonight. Oh! That reminds me- I need to call Cynthia and confirm our plans tonight. Give me a second,” he said as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He hit the number three button and let the speed dial function call Brian’s internal number at Kinnetik.

“Brian Kinney’s line,” Cynthia’s voice said over the line.

“Hi, Cynthia, it’s Justin,” he warmly greeted Brian’s long time assistant.

“Hi, Justin,” she warmly returned, “Brian said you would be calling. He told me to tell you to meet him outside the diner at 6:45pm.”

“Outside the dinner,” Justin queried and pretty much repeated back in disbelief.

“Yes,” Cynthia confirmed and then added, “And Brian also told me to tell you not to worry. This is a good thing.”

“Mmm-Hmmm,” was Justin’s less than enthusiastic response, “Ok, tell him that I’ll be waiting outside the diner at 6:45pm. Did he happen to tell you what kind of clothes I should wear?”

“Sorry, Justin, I have no idea what kind of clothes. But I will tell Brian that you’ll be waiting. Bye,” Cynthia replied before closing the connection.

Justin hit the ‘end’ button and flipped his phone closed. “Well,” he told his mother, “That was a weird phone call.”

“Really? Why,” she asked in an odd tone.

“Cynthia just told me to meet Brian out front at 6:45pm,” Justin informed his mother.

“Out front? Of the diner,” she repeated in a questioning manner. Justin thought she was still acting oddly.

“Yes,” he said. “Do you know something about this, Mom?”

“Nope,” she quickly replied. “Well, I’ve got to be going. I need to meet a client in about twenty minutes. You have a nice evening with Brian tonight. I’m sure everything will be fine.” And she was out the door before Justin could say or ask anything more.

Debbie walked up and started clearing their lunch plates by stacking them one on top of the other. Noticing the look on Justin’s face, she stopped and sat down across from him. “Everything ok, Sunshine?” She asked as she almost simultaneously popped her gum and gave him an intense stare; her chin resting on the palm of one of her hands.

“Yeah, just a weird phone call from Brian’s assistant about my evening with Brian and my mom acting even weirder than the phone call,” Justin replied.

Debbie reached across the table, popped her gum again, and said, “Have faith, Sunshine. Things might not be as weird as you think.” That being said, she grabbed the stacked plates, walked to the dirty dish collection area, and added a few more dishes for the dishwashers.

Justin just shook his head. He was starting to think that everyone in his little family had lost their minds.

Michael, who had been elsewhere in the diner, saw that Jennifer was no longer at the table and headed back over. “Can we talk now?”

Justin loudly sighed. “Sure, Michael, but I don’t think anything has changed since we last talked.”

“Sure it has! You went to the doctor. Ma told me that they you won’t need to have the radiation treatments anymore. So, see! This is obviously the sign that you were meant to go to L.A. and help with the Rage movie.”

“Son of a bitch, Michael,” Justin loudly exclaimed. He rubbed a hand over his face a few times and then scratched the hair at the nape of his neck- a sure sign to anyone that knew him that Justin was beyond pissed. “Fine. Yes, the doctor’s have decided to stop the radiation treatments, but that doesn’t mean I can just up and go! I have to have blood tests every four weeks and ultrasounds every six weeks. I need to be taking care of myself. I also have commitments here, Michael. And, as you very well know, Brian and I have things to discuss tonight. So, as far as you are concerned, things are no different than when we talked last time. I need to talk to Brian before anything can be decided. Period.”

Michael began again, “Brian…”

“Zip it, Michael,” Justin harshly responded. “Don’t say another fucking word. We will not talk of this again until I say so. In fact, let’s get this completely straight: I’ll come to you when I have a decision.” Justin stood, gave Michael a nasty glare, and began walking to the door. He turned back one more time and asked to make sure Michael understood, “Are we clear, Michael? I’ll come to you.”

Michael looked completely taken aback. He simply nodded his agreement while looking at the table in front of him. He pulled a napkin out of the napkin dispenser and began methodically shredding it.

Justin nodded back at him despite Michael not really looking at him, walked out of the dinner, and directly into a really tall person.

“Justin?” the familiar voice said, “Are you ok?”

Justin stepped back and said, “Sorry, Em, didn’t mean to run you down. It’s just been a long day.”

“Oh, you poor baby, it’s barely early afternoon. You want to go back in there, have a hot cup of coffee, and tell Auntie Em all your problems?” Emmett said, motioning with his hands for Justin to go back inside.

“No, thanks,” Justin replied, “Part of my ‘long day’ is still sitting in there; neither of us is happy with the other.”

“Ah,” Emmett knowingly said, “Brian, sweetie?”

“Michael.” Justin responded a bit harshly.

Emmett looked surprised and then looked into the window of the diner. “Ok, want to go somewhere else and talk about it? I’ve got forty-five minutes before I have to meet a client a few miles from here.

Justin smiled. “That would be great, Em! What about the coffee shop at the end of the next block?”

Emmett stuck out his arm for Justin to take. “Let’s get going,” he whispered conspiratorially-like, despite being quite loud, “My ass is freezing and that just won’t do!”

Justin laughed and hooked his arm through Emmett’s. The walk to the coffee shop was fun and lighthearted. Justin could tell that Emmett was intentionally keeping the topics of conversation drama free, and he really appreciated it.

Once they arrived, they ordered some outrageously caloric coffee-like drinks from a man that Emmett assured Justin looked like a young Marlon Brando and sat down in a corner away from the mainstream hustle and bustle.

“So, what’s Michael done?” Emmett said, cutting to the chase.

“I suppose that you’ve heard from Michael about the movie?” Justin knowingly said.

“Yes,” Emmett replied cautiously.

“Did he tell you the plan, per chance?” Justin asked.

“Ummm,” Emmett started, “Let’s see. He told me that Brett Keller was making the movie. Michael said that Brett Keller wanted you both to work on the movie. I think other than a few other small details that was the gist of what he told us.”

“Us,” Justin softly inquired.

“Yeah, he told me and Teddy at Babylon last night.”

“Shit! Do you think he’s told Brian, too? Shit!”

Emmett shrugged. “No idea, but I would assume that he has.”

“Shit,” Justin repeated. He put his forehead in the palm of one of his hands and rubbed.

“I’m confused,” Emmett said, “I would think that having a movie made, Justin, would be a very good thing.”

“Yeah, well, Michael left out a few details for you. He gets to stay here and work on writing issues. Thus, he can send his work back and forth via e-mail. I, on the other hand, don’t get that luxury. I get to move to L.A. for the next year.”

Emmett’s jaw dropped. “Live in Los Angeles, California! For a year! Holy wow, Justin, how cool is that? Oh, my baby is all grown up,” Emmett enthusiastically soft-clapped his hands.

“Yes, it is exciting, except for a few minor details: cancer and Brian.”

Emmett sobered immediately. “Oh…dear…God!” he exclaimed loud enough and forcefully enough that some fellow patrons turned to look at them.

“Exactly,” was all Justin said in response.

“So,” Emmett asked a few minutes later when it was clear Justin wasn’t adding anything, “what are you going to do?”

“Well, first I need to see what my doctor says about everything. I saw him this morning to see how things are going. They’ve decided to stop the radiation treatments and continue on a plan of blood tests and ultrasounds.”

“That’s good news, right?” Emmett interjected.

“Well, considering how bad I felt- yes, I think it should be a good thing. But I still would feel more comfortable having Dr. Finnegan monitor me than someone new to the case.” Emmett nodded while Justin continued, “And then, there’s Brian.”

“And then, there’s Brian,” Emmett repeated.

“We’re supposed to talk tonight, and I know damn good and well that if I don’t handle this correctly, Brian will push me off another cliff. Fuck, Emmett, I can’t take another cliff. Not this soon after the last. I’m not sure we can make it through another one.” Justin sighed loudly. “So, any sagacious advice for me?”

“Yep! Tread carefully and keep the beast at bay. I vote for heavy petting.” Emmett nodded the whole time he said these wise words.

Justin laughed and agreed. “Brian’s best communication skills are, without a doubt, done with his hands, tongue, and well, you know.”

“Exactly,” Emmett assured Justin, “You want to speak his language.”

“You know, Emmett, I think you might be on to something.”

“Trust me! My cousin, Billi Jo, back in Mississippi always swore the reason why the family cow, Bella, hated me was because I didn’t speak the cow’s language. That girl could get that cow to do anything. I’d look at the damn cow and she’d start huffing and swishing her tail in annoyance.”

Justin shook his head in amusement. “So, I should ‘moo’ to the cow?”

“Yep,” Emmett concurred, nodding emphatically, “’Moo’ to the cow.”

Justin just couldn’t stop himself. “Mooooooo.”

They both snickered until they noticed everyone was looking at them again, which made them laugh outright.

It was a few minutes later when Emmett exclaimed, “Shit! Look at the time. Baby, I have to go. I’m going to be late as it is. Call me if you need me, ok?”

“Ok, thanks, Em,” Justin said with a wave as Emmett practically ran out of the coffee shop.

Only a few more hours until I have to meet Brian, Justin thought…

Hours later, Justin was beginning to feel like he’d been blindsided by a Mack truck. After talking with Em, he had walked back to the diner to be accosted by Debbie. Apparently, Michael had taken his woes to her and she wanted to talk with him about it. Well, it was really Debbie talked and Justin listened. Because he had so much respect for her, he didn’t say much back. He just nodded and politely told her that she might want to re-check some of her information with Michael, as she obviously did not have all the facts.

Justin was relieved when Debbie gave him a long searching look and said that she would double check her facts with Michael. She’d then patted him on the cheek, took the glass top off the lemon bar display, grabbed what smelled to be a fairly fresh one, and handed it to him. As she walked to the back of the diner, Justin was a little taken aback at how glad he was that Debbie hadn’t pushed him. He loved Debbie and really didn’t want to be at odds with her- living with her or no.

He continued his thoughts as he took a healthy bite of the lemon bar. It was, as Justin knew it would be, utterly perfect. He took a moment to enjoy it before looking at his watch and realizing that it was almost time to meet Brian out front.

As he was putting on his jacket, the bell to the diner’s door jingled. Justin smiled at Ted and Emmett as they walked over and took the booth that he was getting ready to leave.

“How did your meeting go?” Justin asked Emmett.

“Great! In fact, I have more work for you, if you are interested. The client is very imaginative; I think you would have a lot of fun working with her.”

Justin nodded. “Depends,” he said.

“I know, I know,” Emmett assured Justin, “First you have to have your meeting with Brian. Isn’t it about time for you to meet him?”

“Yep, that’s where I was heading.” Justin said as he grabbed his backpack.

“Have fun,” Ted said with an odd look on his face.

“Thanks,” Justin said with his sunshine smile.

“Remember,” Emmett said loudly as Justin was about to open the door, “I want details! Lots and lots of details!”

Justin shifted his backpack up on his shoulder and prepared to wait. It was 6:40pm and Brian should be there in about five minutes.

“Hey,” a male voice said from behind him. Justin turned around to see Michael standing there, a very unhappy look on his face.

Justin was not about to let Michael ruin his evening before it even started. “What part of: I said I would come to you, did you not understand?”

Michael put up both hands in a surrendering fashion. “I’m not looking for a fight. I just wanted to say that I hope your talk with Brian goes well tonight.”

“Right,” Justin said with a lot of skepticism in his voice.

“I know you don’t think that I want you and Brian together, but I do.” Michael tried to assure him. “It’s just that Brian’s changed a lot since you’ve been around. And I’m not saying that it’s for the worse. He’s just different.”

“Yeah, well, Michael, I’d say that you are different, too. You’ve got Ben, Hunter, and a baby on the way. What’s wrong with Brian growing up, too?”

Michael shook his head. “There isn’t anything wrong with it. That’s why I wanted to catch you before you talk with Brian. I wanted you to know that I do support you and Brian- your relationship. And I’ll also support whatever decision you make about working with Brett Keller.”

“No questions or comments- you’ll just accept it.” Justin asked, wanting to make sure everything was perfectly clear between them.

“No questions or comments,” Michael agreed and re-assured him.

“Ok,” Justin said. “I’ll let you know something as soon as I can.”

“Ok, thanks,” Michael said. As he walked into the diner, he turned, patted Justin on the back and told him that he really did wish him the best regarding the big talk tonight.

“Thanks,” Justin said as Michael walked into the restaurant.

Justin had barely digested the scene with Michael when he saw the green Vette pull up and park right in front of the diner’s main entrance. Letting his backpack fall off his shoulder, he walked over and opened the door.

“Evening, Sunshine,” Brian practically sang as Justin tossed his backpack into the backseat and got into the car. Once he was settled and had his seatbelt on, Brian turned his head by grasping his chin and planted a long, sensuous kiss on him. They both groaned a little when it broke apart.

Watching Brian put the car into reverse, Justin asked, “So, where are we headed? The loft?”

Brian just shook his head no, and slowly backed the car into the street. Putting her into gear, Brian squealed the tires as they headed down the street.

“Oh,” Justin continued in his questions, “Let me guess, we’re going to the park and having a picnic!”

“Smartass,” was Brian’s only response.

“Better than a dumb ass,” was Justin’s quick response before he asked another question about the evening. “So, where are we going?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” was Brian’s annoyingly, coy response. Justin was pretty sure that if anyone else had said that to him, he’d be beyond annoyed.

Ten minutes later and truly having no idea where they were, Justin was starting to get a little annoyed with Brian. Fifteen minutes later, he was definitely annoyed.

“You know, it’s cute when you huff like that, Sunshine.”

“Bite me,” was Justin’s less than brilliant comeback.

“If things go my way, I’ll bite you and a whole lot more tonight,” Brian assured Justin with a sexy chuckle in his voice. Unfortunately, Justin was annoyed and was not in the mood for anymore of Brian’s attitude.

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Justin smarted back.

“I would,” Brian said with obnoxious self confidence. And to make it worse, when Justin huffed again and turned to look out of the passenger side window, Brian outright laughed.

The rest of the ride was made in silence. Justin became very confused when they turned into a really nice neighborhood that he recognized. Brian made one more right turn and then parked in the driveway of a beautiful, contemporary home.

“Where are we?” Justin demanded.

“Home,” Brian said as he leaned over and unhooked Justin’s seatbelt.

“Huh?” Justin intelligently responded.

“Justin,” Brian started talking while cupping Justin’s cheek, “What I did that night was horrible. I heard Lindsay go on and on about being a good partner and I freaked. And because of that, I almost lost you. I can’t apologize because we both know that I meant to do it at the time, but what I can do is show you that I’ve changed. Prove to you that you are what matters. I want to prove to you that I want to make you happy above all else.” Brian paused a little here and gave Justin’s cheek a little rub. “So, I’ve sold the loft. I don’t want you to be reminded of what I did. I want us to start new, have a clean slate, so to speak. This, Justin, is our new home- just you and me, if you want it to be.”

Justin was dumbfounded. He wanted to go take a look, but he didn’t think he was physically capable of moving just yet. In fact, he was starting to think that either he hadn’t heard Brian correctly, or he was in shock.

“Justin?” Brian inquired, a concerned look on his face.

Justin’s eyes flew to connect with Brian’s. “Sorry,” he softly and slowly got out. “You, uh, sold the loft?”

“Yep,” Brian told him, “We have to be out in twenty-one days. So, you want to look around? See if it deserves the Justin Taylor seal of approval?

Justin simply nodded. He was quite sure that he was in shock.

Brian got out of the car, closed his door with a soft thud, and walked over to help Justin out of his seat. Brian closed the car door, and they walked over to the home’s glass front door. Brian flipped to a new key on his key ring and unlocked the door. He pushed the door open and motioned for Justin to precede him in.

Justin had to work very hard to not let his mouth drop open. The house was exquisite. There was a two story foyer that was mostly glass and wood. The floors were a rich, amber-colored hardwood that matched the hardwoods on the ceilings. From the right of the foyer, you could see the massive windows in what looked to be a family room. In fact, the entire back wall of that room was nothing but large, custom shaped windows.

To the left of the foyer, there was a pair of glassed French doors that looked to lead to a study of some sort.

“Over here to the left will be your studio,” Brian said, gently pulling Justin by the coat towards the French doors. He opened the doors and continued, “You should see the natural light this room gets during the day. Look up! There’s even a skylight to increase the light.”

Justin looked around the room. There were several built-in shelves that, to his surprise, already held a lot of his supplies that had just hours earlier been at Debbie’s. Apparently, someone had been busy. Giving the room a long glance, he decided that the room would be perfect for any art he might want to create. Looking to Brian, he felt his face erupt into a wide smile.

“I guess that means you like it?” Brian smirked knowingly.

Justin nodded his head, “Yeah, I do.”

“Good. Come on, there’s more.” Brian gave him a gentle push out into the foyer again.

Justin allowed himself to be led all over the good sized house. When it was all revealed, Justin didn’t know what to say or do. Brian had bought, literally, the perfect house for them. And he had even started to move their things into it. He was also pretty sure that he’d seen some items that only his mother could have given to Brian. So, he realized, that answered why she was acting so oddly earlier. She’d been in on Brian’s secret.

“How long has my mom known about this?” Justin asked.

“Figured it out, did you?” Brian responded without really answering.

Justin arched his eyebrow and smirked, “Yep.”

“Long enough to help me find it, buy it, and start moving you in,” was Brian’s brief answer.

“Yeah,” Justin replied, “I thought I recognized some things that I had left at her house.”

Brian smiled. “Yeah, well, you did get 1500 on your SATs.”

“I did.” Justin agreed.

“So?” Brian prompted.

“So?” Justin echoed back, knowing that it would probably annoy Brian.

“Don’t be a twat,” Brian cautioned him, “So, what do you think of the house?”

Justin smirked, “I love it. And I love you. Are you really serious about this house only being for us?”

Brian nodded slowly. “I’m not saying that we’ll be monogamous. We’re not a pair of fucking lesbians, but this place- this place will just be for you and me.

“You are such a romantic, Mr. Kinney.” Justin joked, and smiled so widely that his nose crinkled.

“I know,” Brian assured him as he pulled Justin in for a long, passionate kiss. As they pulled apart from the kiss, still in each other’s arms and foreheads resting together, Justin decided this was good. In fact, it was very good: they were together and they were home.

“You have to go,” Brian’s tone of voice suggested that the subject was closed as far as he was concerned. Justin knew otherwise. “That isn’t even in question. You will go and conquer Los Angeles. You will become a raving success and the best homosexual you can be.”

“No,” Justin emphatically replied, “You aren’t my father, Brian; you are my lover. Stop trying to run my life by telling me what to do. It’s never done us any good in the past and it won’t do us any good this time. I know you, Brian. I know you. You’ll pretend that everything is fine, but it won’t be. You’ll insist that things are fine, but they won’t be. Instead, you’ll be worrying about…”

Brian interrupted Justin. “Not true, Sunshine, I do not worry. It gives me wrinkles and would negate the two hundred dollar bottle of French lotion that I use every night.” Brian nodded his agreement with his statement in an annoyingly cocky fashion, and then he waggled his eyebrows in a sexy way that he knew Justin loved.

Justin rolled his eyes. He was onto Mr. Brian Kinney. “You aren’t getting me off the subject that easy, Brian. I am not going and that’s final.”

“You are going and that is final.” Brian retorted quickly. Brian’s piercing gaze was obviously trying to intimidate Justin into doing as he said.

“No.” Justin was not falling for the intimidation factor; he sent a glare right back at Brian. “I am not letting you undermine us anymore. You think you know what’s best for me. Well, Mr. Kinney, you don’t. I do. And what is best for me is to stay here, make sure I’m completely better, finish school, draw the comics with Michael, and be with you.”

“Justin,” Brian started again, but Justin interrupted him this time.

“Brian,” Justin practically sighed, “No. I am not going, but I will help Brett with the movie. I’ve…We’ve found a way for me to work on the movie and not be in L.A.” Brian raised his eyebrows in a surprised, yet questioning manner, and then motioned for Justin to continue.

“Well?” Brian prompted when Justin didn’t immediately continue.

“I talked to Brett last night and they’ve decided that I can do as Michael is doing. I can scan the images on my computer and e-mail them to the art director. From the images, they can make artistic decisions using my raw drawings. And, as I pointed out to them last night, it’ll save the movie money and keep their assistant art director happy. Brett thought about it for about two minutes and thought it was a perfect solution. So, see? It’ll work out. I’ll still be fabulous, the best homosexual that I can be, but I’ll also be happy.” Justin smirked at Brian.

Brian, with his tongue in his cheek, gave him a half-smile and pulled Justin into his arms. Justin tugged a little on the back of Brian’s head to pull him in for a kiss. Their lips meshed slowly together, Justin enjoying each and every second. When Brian’s tongue licked at his lower lip seeking entry, Justin eagerly let him in. A slight sucking sensation and Justin’s tongue was drawn into Brian’s mouth. Justin relished the warm feeling that overtook him as Brian pulled him closer. A few moments later and Justin pulled back. Brian gave him a quizzical look before he noticed that Justin was hastily toeing his shoes off. With a light chuckle, Brian joined him by removing his own shoes and clothes.

As Justin pulled the last of his clothes off, he took a moment to enjoy the man in front of him. Getting an eyeful and enjoying it, he said, “I love you, Brian.”

Brian smirked, stood there for Justin to look his fill, and replied, “I know.” After a brief pause, he added, “I love you, too.”

Justin’s smile couldn’t have been any brighter. He practically jumped into Brian’s waiting arms. From there, Brian and Justin enjoyed each other fully.

It was three weeks later when Brian and Justin finally welcomed everyone into their new home for the first time. Jennifer and Molly arrived first bearing a beautiful vase for their house. Deb and Carl weren’t far behind with the largest platter of rigatoni that Justin had ever seen. Emmett clapped enthusiastically when he saw the house and gave Justin a friendly hug; he especially liked Justin’s studio. Ted was noticeably impressed and said as much. The girls (with an excited Gus) were taken aback, but enthusiastically congratulated them. Michael, Ben, and Hunter arrived last, but were no less excited. Ben even brought them a collection of teas in a beautiful wooden box that perfectly matched the kitchen cabinets.

Michael had been a little hesitant, Justin could tell, with Justin’s decision to stay in Pittsburgh, but he never said a word to him about it. So far, to Justin’s delight, things had been going very smoothly. Brett had mentioned a face to face meeting in the coming weeks, but Justin didn’t mind. As long as he could stay with Brian in their new home, a week or two here and there was something that he could live with. Hell, Brian had mentioned joining him and checking out Rodeo Drive and all its glory.

They had also learned last week that the doctor was still happy with Justin’s prognosis and current condition. All in all, it looked like things were finally working out. Justin was happy; his family was happy; and Brian was Brian, which was the way that Justin liked it.

Justin watched his family enjoy the food and drinks, their new home, and he smiled to himself. Things were certainly better than they had ever been. His smile got wider when he felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around his waist from behind.

“What are you smiling at, Sunshine?”

“Oh, nothing,” Justin coyly replied.

Brian nodded and then pulled Justin in for a brief, but intense kiss. Justin felt dazed.

“There,” Brian said before he pulled away, “That’s a much better look for you.”

“Asshole,” Justin smiled.

“I know,” Brian sarcastically said with a saucy wink as he walked away to play with an overexcited Gus.

Yes, Justin thought, things were perfect.