Disclaimer: Sadly enough, not mine #sniff#

Author's Note: Okay, guys, this chapter contains some GRAPHIC stuff so I hope you won't be offended by it. It's not quite sex so I'm not sure if you would call it LEMONS, but you have been warned nonetheless...

Is the script somehow different? It looks different to me, but you probably don't care...

To those of you who want the whole chapter, you can either go to ForeverFandom or give me your email adress (but you need to put spaces between the letters or it will be deleted- this happened to some of you who already did send me your email, so if you don't get the whole chapter, please send it to me again...). I also started to post on but right now I have only posted the first chapter and it will be a while till I have caught up with this account here...

I have the feeling I forgot something important... oh, well, start reading already...

43. LUCKY MAN

After a while he noticed Harry's eyes closing more often and his head dropping lower and since he had made quite a bit of progress during the last three and a half hours, he decided to get Harry into bed, after changing his bandages once more and tending to his wounds.

"Do you want to take a shower now so that I can renew your bandages afterwards?", he asked gently, mindful not to force Harry into anything he didn't want.

"Mhm, okay", Harry murmured and got up drowsily, swaying slightly as he walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

While Harry let the warm water relax his muscles and his rather sore back, Tom put his work away and then, gathering Harry's medicine and one of the Nourishment Potions, made his way upstairs. He didn't have to wait long until Harry had finished his shower and timidly sat next to him on the bed.

"Here, you can take the potion first", he handed the small bottle over.

"This tastes awful, do you know that?", the smaller wizard complained, "You would think a Nourishment Potion should taste appetising."

"Well, you can have lots of delicious food instead", Tom suggested, knowing full well that Harry wouldn't be thrilled with that idea.

"A bit of compassion would be appreciated very much, thank you", Harry scowled at him before he downed the green liquid.

"I'm sorry that was insensitive of me", Tom apologised, "I know that you eat as much as you can."

"Thank you."

"Can you take off your top so that I can take care of your wounds? That Slashing Hex she used was rather vicious", Harry hesitated, "I will not touch you in a sexual manner or where you don't want me to. You can say stop whenever you feel like it", he smiled encouragingly and Harry slowly started to unbuttoned his shirt: "It's not that", he commented, blushing, "I kind of like it when you touch me that way."

"Then what is it?", he uncapped the jar with the healing salve and began to carefully rub it into the abused skin, "Are you afraid that I won't stop?"

Harry nodded nervously: "Sorry."

"Don't be, little one", he cautiously checked the other bruises, but none was so grave that it needed to be worried about, "I know that you think you have no control over me at least in that department. And for that I apologise. Harry, you are my equal, you should have the same rights as I in this relationship and still you don't. You take everything I throw at you without comment, while you shouldn't. Even if I wanted, too, kitten, I couldn't hurt you, you're safe."

"No, I'm not, Tom", Harry argued bitterly, "If you really wanted to hurt me there would be thousands of ways- even without breaking the contract. You could bribe or blackmail some random guy to hurt me. I can guarantee that you would find someone all to eager to do so. Or you could lock me in the dungeons or a cage, just waiting for me to catch a cold or to starve to death. You could threaten to hurt one of my friends if I didn't do exactly what you want. The contract does nothing to protect me, Tom, because I don't want you to break it. I am far from safe."

"No, Harry, now you listen to me", Tom grabbed his shoulders forcefully, "This contract is just a piece of paper and whatever I may be able to do, doesn't matter because I will never hurt you intentionally. I would like to say that I will never hurt you. Full stop. But I've proven time and time again that I can't keep that promise. If you need a contract to tell you that, so be it. I will sign anything you want if it makes you happy and comfortable in my presence. I love you, Harry, and you can demand anything you want from me and I will do my best to get it for you."

"Please, don't say that", Harry pleaded, "I know that you think you do, but I can't believe you and in all honesty I don't want to believe you, either. If you really do, then show it to me, prove it, but don't tell me that you love me when you can't make it believable."

"If that is what you want, Harry", he agreed calmly, helping the pale boy back into his pyjamas, "Though actually that wasn't what I had planned to talk about", he lifted the blanket invitingly and Harry slipped under it, "I made this talk about us being equals because Lucius suggested something and I want you to know why I won't heed his advice."

"Okay", Harry said in a small voice and bunched up one of the pillows before he put it his head on it, "What did he suggest?"

"He suggested that we switch roles", Harry just looked at him in confusion, "That means that I bottom."

"That would be weird", Harry said after he had got control of his embarrassment.

"Yes", he nodded, urging himself to continue, "But that isn't the reason why I refuse to do it."

Harry looked at him inquiringly with a touch of worry in his voice as he crawled closer to him and rested his head on his chest.

"When I was fifteen I realised that I was gay", he said softly, putting an arm over he small of Harry's back, "My crush was not anyone, but the self-proclaimed king of the orphanage I lived in at that time. His name was Rick and because he was one of the oldest with just under seventeen and one of the toughest and strongest boys he could practically do what he wanted. I was so naiv to think he returned my feelings when we got together, but the truth is that he and his gang used me. It took me rather long to figure that out and as I did it was already too late. I allowed him to take my innocence- I had never slept with a boy before- and when we had sex, he took no notice of the pain he caused me and after he had got what he had wanted he threw me away like an empty bottle. It was the time when Grindelwald was at the prime of his reign and we were allowed to do magic during the holidays. Practically everyone in that orphanage had a criminal streak- without it we would have gone under- but Rick and his little gang put it to a new level. Everyone knew that they broke into shops and houses and stole everything they could get their grimy little hands on. I used an Eavesdropping Charm to find out when they planned to strike next and when they did I followed them, locked them in the shop and made their clothes disappear. Then I called the police, who arrested them. I never saw him again, but I swore to myself that I would never allow anyone again to take advantage of me."

He looked down at Harry, whose arms had tightened around him almost protectively, and noticed that he was crying silently, while one of his small hands was caressing his chest.

"It seems I have a talent for making you cry", he joked half-heartedly and Harry's throat escaped something between a laugh and a sob: "I'm sorry."

"It's a long time in the past and I got my revenge", Tom shrugged, "I just thought you deserved to know why I don't want to bottom, not even for you."

"I don't want you to bottom, either", Harry mumbled into his chest, "Like I said it would be weird and I wouldn't know what to do and I don't want to bring back bad memories for you. I don't understand why Lucius would suggest something like this."

"I thought that was pretty obvious, Harry", he ran his fingers through the inky black hair, "I hurt you, don't I? I cause you pain and you don't like it at all. If I don't find a way to make it more pleasant for you, I don't think that I have the right to demand something like this from you. Harry, are you listening?"

Had Tom read a book about how to embarrass one's spouse the most thoroughly? They could talk about the weather or classes, but no, they had to talk about sex. Harry didn't want to discuss it, he was fine. Why did no-one believe him? He had to bottom, so? He was used to it by now. He didn't want to think about rape or sex or whatever Tom deemed to call it. Of course Tom didn't want to bottom after such an experience, that was more than understandable. Still he couldn't quite avoid thinking that he had been raped, too, and no-one was considerate of his feelings. To be fair, he hadn't told Tom, but, damnit, he had as much right as Tom to not want to bottom! Why did he have to bring all that up? He didn't want to think about Tom in such a situation. Tom was strong, he was confident, he was always in control and as long as Harry could believe in that he could feel save and protected in his arms and he could enjoy what he was doing to his body as much as his memories allowed it. But now Tom and he were too similar for his liking and he didn't know what to do anymore.

"Harry?", Tom asked gently, when he got no reply, "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright", Harry sniffed, "You always made me feel safe and special and now the only thing I see when I think of you is a frightened fifteen-year old boy, who gets raped."

"That was over fifty years ago, Harry", he answered, a bit shocked- he had not expected that his story would upset his fragile husband so much, "And it wasn't rape, I wanted it. I wanted him and I wanted it at that time and I wouldn't have minded the pain if he had really loved me or well returned my feelings at least. I was used, yes, but not raped. I had my wand with me all the time. If I had wanted I could have stunned or cursed him easily. So I wasn't frightened, either, I was nervous. I always felt superior to him and after he was gone I took his throne. My revenge was perfect. I don't have nightmares, I'm not traumatised, I'm not even scared to bottom, I just don't want to because I promised it to myself. You can still feel safe and definitely special because I'm still one of the most powerful wizards and I have the most influential, intelligent and powerful wizards at my command. If I wanted I could squash that Muggle and watch the police trying to find evidence. So, please, Harry, stop crying."

"You must think I'm stupid", Harry began to rub his eyes.

"No, I think you're compassionate, emphatic and sensitive", he gently kissed Harry's forehead, "And I think that I'm a very lucky man."

The small boy nodded and gently kissed his chest (Tom was actually so shocked by that gesture that he totally forgot to show his appreciation), before he sat up.

"You... When you're inside of me, could you give me more time to adjust?", he finally asked timidly.

"Of course", Tom smiled gently, "I will wait until you tell me that I can move again, okay?"

"Okay", Harry fidgeted nervously, "Could you do something with the lubricant as well? It's really cold."

"Sure", Tom encouraged him to go on, but Harry was not sure how to word his other request and so Tom asked gently, "You said yesterday that you concentrate on me while we have sex. What exactly did you mean?"

The green-eyed wizard worried his bottom-lip: "I don't know if you have noticed, but in the very beginning I really shut down completely", Tom nodded to show that he had indeed noticed, "But with time I let down some of my shields and concentrated on what you felt instead of what I felt. I always wanted you to enjoy yourself, I wanted that at least one of us was happy in this marriage so I chose you and when we had sex I absorbed your happiness and pleasure and you know... all that stuff. This way I could drown my own feelings. I used your emotions to build the walls stronger, to reinforce my barriers. I can understand if you don't want that."

"No, Harry", Tom kissed his wrist, once more earning himself a curious and surprised stare, "You can do that. Would it help if I let down more of my own shields?"

Harry shook his head violently: "No, whatever your shields are they don't work with me and those feelings and I don't want to drown in your memories and that would most likely happen if you let down all of them."

"Okay, is there anything else I can do?", Tom asked, seeing that Harry needed a bit of prodding to come out with it, "Just tell me."

"Could you do more of the things I said I liked?", Harry blushed once again and Tom chuckled, pulling him back into the sheets, gently lifting himself so that he hovered over him: "Like that?", he teased Harry's lips with his tongue, "Or more like this?", he began to rub his abdomen.

Harry mewed happily and wriggled a little, till the pillow lay comfortably under his head, and smiled at him: "Like both."

"Oh, really? And what about this?", he kissed a line from behind Harry's right ear along his jaw-line and down the pale throat, "Or maybe that, little lion", he slowly started to unbutton Harry's shirt once more after he had asked permission with his eyes, showering the exposed skin with open-mouthed kisses, his tongue darting out boldly every once in a while.

Harry's arm wrapped around Tom's neck on their own accord and his eyes sparkled as he nodded slowly. Tom smiled at him as he gingerly coaxed Harry's arms over his head, the pyjama shirt bunched at his wrist, revealing the creamy white skin of the insides of his arms.

He blew on it experimentally, chuckling lowly as Harry shivered involuntarily, before he once again pressed his lips against the soft skin, making his path from one wrist down to his armpit, noting with amusement that Harry seemed to be very ticklish in that area, and then down his side until he reached Harry's left hipbone, just to start again on his other side. Harry writhed under him, arching into his touch or shying away when he had found a ticklish spot, but all the while purring and mewing happily.

"It looks to me like you enjoy that to, my sweet little Harry", he whispered softly and chastely licked Harry's bottom lip, caressing it until he was permitted entrance.

The kiss stayed sweet and gentle and every stroke and tip of his tongue was so cautious and almost shy that for the first time it felt to Harry like he really had a chance to stop it- not that he wanted to. Tom's hands were tenderly cupping his face, brushing over his skin rhythmically and soothingly.

"Harry?"

"Mhm?"

"Would it be alright, if I gave you a blow job?", Tom enquired pleadingly; as he saw the slightly panicked expression that crossed Harry's face he continued, "Just a blow job and if you I do something wrong you can hit me over the head or curse me or scream at me."

Harry chuckled despite his insecurity before he grew serious once more: "Will you hold my hand? That sounds stupid..."

"No, it doesn't", Tom assured him and captured one of Harry's hands, freeing it from the pyjama and enclosing it with his own, "It's your safety anchor. If it gets too much you can pull me away, right?"

Harry nodded, grabbing onto Tom's hand with his second hand, and leaned back into the pillows. Tom kissed him once more, thanking him for the trust Harry was showing him, while his right hand already wandered into Harry's loose-fitting pyjama pants.

The slim hips bucked as his fingers danced over Harry's half-erect cock, as he pushed the clothes down his slender legs and over his small feet, throwing them to the floor, somewhere behind him. Harry's hand in his tightened as the cool air brushed over his sensitive flesh and he squeezed back reassuringly. He took the time to explore the milky white thighs and the still flat stomach first with his fingers and then with his lips until Harry's grip on his left hand had relaxed again. Harry growled warningly at him as he blew on his cock teasingly, making him chuckle and sooth him with a kiss to the head of his cock. He took a long swipe over the length of his hard cock, kissing a ring around it's base, before moving up again and finally taking the tip of it into his mouth. Harry mewled as he felt the wet heat engulf him and helplessly tried to buck his hips again, to get nearer, closer, deeper, more of that overwhelming sensation, but Tom, the cruel tease he was, pinning his hips with his free hand, refused to do more then suckle lightly.

"Move, Tom", he finally commanded, though it sounded more like begging, "That is not funny."

Tom chuckled, sending vibrations through Harry's shaft, but obediently plunged down, taking Harry in to the hilt, revelling in the suppressed cry that escaped Harry's mouth and the almost painful grasp on his hand. He ignored his own rock-hard erection, as he began to bob his head up and down, licking every patch of heated skin and driving Harry crazy or at least towards his climax, that hit with full force soon after. He made sure to swallow every droplet of bittersweet liquid, lapping up the few drops that had escaped his mouth and had landed in the soft black curls surrounding Harry's cock.

"That was good", Harry purred as he tugged him up, snuggling into his arms, "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure", he smirked as he saw the slight blush that graced Harry's cheeks, "But provided you're not too tired, I still have some things I'd like to show you, Mr. Potter."

"Oh, really, Professor Riddle?", Harry said, reacting to the joke, "Do fill me in."

"I would like to kiss you again", he did just that, his lips lingering over Harry's as he continued, "Just like that. I would like to suckle your nipples", he licked one nub, teasingly, Harry arching into the soft touch, "Yes, but what I really want to do now... at this very moment... is to give you a massage."

The green eyes seemed mildly confused at this turn of events, but Harry allowed Tom to turn him around gently till he lay on his stomach. He felt a strange wave of loss as Tom moved away momentarily and returned with one of those incredibly soft towels and spread it over his arse and the upper part of his thighs before he climbed back unto the bed and dribbled vanilla-scented massage oil into his hands, rubbing them to warm it and then gently began to knead Harry's shoulders.

"See, you're all tensed up", he commented, working the knots out of his back one by one.

"No", Harry's small voice stopped him ten minutes or so later as he moved one of his legs over Harry's frail form, so that he was hovering over him, "Please, don't do this. It scares me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think", he apologised, thinking Harry remembered his deeds from earlier that week and sat back down next to Harry, continuing to stroke his muscles.

"It's okay", Harry mumbled, craning his neck so that he could look at the red-eyed man, "Tom?"

"Yes, beautiful?"

"I was wondering...", he took a deep breath, "If we could do it now instead of tomorrow?"

"If that is what you want", Tom answered, diligently masking his eagerness, his arousal was really painful by now, from that delicious young body under his hands and the small noises in his ears, "But I'd give you a massage again tomorrow, if you'd like. I don't want to ruin this evening for you, Harry. This is your evening and I'll do anything you want me to do- even make you pancakes again just to then order some from Dobby."

"No, I want to do it now", Harry blushed crimson, "I really like all this, but I could enjoy it much better if that wasn't hanging over my head. And I feel bad because you spoilt me with all your attention and I have done nothing for you."

"You did a lot of things for me, Harry", he argued gently, "But I can't say that I'm not absolutely delighted by your idea."

"Okay, then", Harry crawled into his lap.

I really need that lube now, Tom thought, as Harry timidly began to caress his erection through his pyjama bottoms and indeed he held the tube in his hands moments later. He squeezed a liberal amount of it in the palms of his hands and rubbed them together until the coldness was gone and then spread it over his fingers before he let them ghost to Harry's entrance. Harry whimpered at the first contact and he stopped immediately, wanting this to be perfect, not wanting to spoil the harmony that had existed between them earlier.

- SCENE EDITED -

Tom sighed deeply. This had been the best sex of his life and he knew that Harry had felt more than he had ever felt before because he had wanted to see him happy, Harry had trusted him, he allowed himself to be vulnerable so that he wouldn't hurt his feelings once more and that alone was all the proof he needed to know that Harry loved him, too (though a confession would also be nice).

He pulled out a bottle of special healing salve Severus had made for him after he had found out about their problem and gently massaged it into the abused skin around Harry's entrance before he spoke a Cleaning Charm over both of them, fetched Harry's teddy bear from where it had landed on the floor, covered them with the blanket and pulled the exhausted boy into his arms. Yes, he was a very lucky man!

If each of you would send me a review, I'd be the happiest person alive, but I guess that won't happen... Oh, well, a girl can dream...

#waves with the humble remainings of burnt REVIEW flag#