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Dedication

FormyFamily.

Chapter1

Onascaleofonetoteninshittiness,mydayhadbeenadefiniteeleven.Admittedly,not

as bad for me as for others, because I, at least, was alive to tell the tale, but it had still

suckedbigtime.Twoofmypatientshadsufferedmajorheartattacks.Onehaddied,the

other had been moved to Intensive Care. Things like that always affected morale on the

ward,staffandpatientsboth.Wewereapost-surgicalward,andincidentslikethatwere,

thankfully,quiterare.Fortwoofthemtohappenwithinacoupleofhoursofeachother

wasunprecedentedandupsettingforeverybody.Witheverythingthatwasgoingon,Ihad

missedlunchtoo,whichwasaminordetail,butIhadalwaysbeenthetypeofpersonwho

gotgrumpywhenIwashungry.

ItwasrainingwhenIleftthehospitalandIwassoakedtotheboneandshiveringby

thetimeIreachedthebusstop.Whatmadeitallthemoreannoying,wasthatIowneda

perfectlygoodcar,butIhadleftitathomethatdaysomyboyfriendcoulduseittogetto

hisjobinterview.Rufuswaswhatyoumightcallhighmaintenance.Ihadbeenwithhim

foreighteenmonthsandhehadbeenunemployedforsixofthem.Or‘betweenjobs’ashe

preferredtocallit.Mysuggestionthepreviousnightthathemightbemoresuccessfulin

interviewsifhetoneddownhismake-up,pinkhairandfluorescentnailvarnish,hadgone

downlikealeadballoon.Inthefaceoftheensuing,epicsulk,Ihadpromisedtoleavehim

mycar,whichhadhelptoappeasehimtosomesmalldegree.

Thebuswasrunninglateandwhenitarriveditwasalreadycrowded.Afewpeople

alighted at the hospital, but more got on board than had gotten off, so it didn’t exactly

improve the situation. I had to stand, pressed up against a fat, sweaty man who had

evidentlyseenneithersoapnortoothpasteforquitesometime.Hedidn’tseemtofindme

quite so objectionable, however, and leered at me each time the bus took a corner and

gravity forced our bodies into contact. I turned my back on him to show I wasn’t

interested, only to have a meaty hand grab my arse. I wished I had the nerve to say

something,objectloudlyanddrawattentiontowhatthecreepwasdoing,butIdidn’t.

It was a relief when the bus reached my stop and I could escape the unwanted

attention.Iwastired,hungryandfedup.AllIwantedwastogethometomyboyfriend

andhaveaquietnightinfrontofthetelevision.

Mycarwasinthecarpark,whichmeantRufusmustbehome.Iquickenedmypace,

suddenlyanxioustoseehim.WhenItoldhimhowbadmydayhadbeen,he’dgivemea

hugandtellmeeverythingwouldbeokay.He’dtellmetoputmyfeetupwhilehecooked

us a stunning meal, and afterward, we would cuddle up on the sofa and laugh at some

stupid sitcom on the telly. Except…he wouldn’t, would he? Because that wasn’t Rufus’

roleintherelationship.Itwasmine.Iwasthecarer.I’dknownwhathewaslikefromthe

startsoIcouldn’tcomplain,butRufushadnevertakencareofme,notevenwhenIwasill

withflulastwinter.Iwastheonecookedandcleanandhandedoutthecomfortinghugs.

I’dmovedinwhenRufuslosthisjobandpaidallthebillseversincetoo.

TheflatwasdarkandsilentwhenIletmyselfin.Thatwouldbeabigfatnoonthe

tastymealthen.Imovedthroughtherooms,searchingforRufusandhopingwewerenot

headingforanotherrow.Thingshadbeengoodforusbetweenthefirstfewmonths,but

thenthingshadchanged.I’dmovedintohelphim,andhopeditwouldmakeRufusmore

secureinourrelationship.Itwasn’talwaysperfect,butatleasthehadn’tcheatedonme

againsincewe’dbeenlivingtogether.I’dforgivenhim,ofcourse.Twice.Ilovedhim.He

lovedmetoo,inhisownway.

I found him in the living room, curled up on the sofa. He stared straight ahead,

unflinchingwhenIflickedtheoverheadlighton.

“Itakeittheinterviewdidn’tgotoowell,”Isaid,sittingontheendofthesofaand

pullinghisfeetintomylap.“Nevermind,babes.Therewillbeothers.Youjusthaveto–”

“They’regettingmarried.”

“What?” I shook my head, confused. What did he mean? The interviewers were

gettingmarried?Whywouldthatstophimfromgettingthejob?“Whoareyouonabout?”

“Stefan!StefanandAlex-bloody-Gill.”Rufusyankedhisfeetfrommylapandsatup

toglareatme.Likeitwassomehowmyfaulthisbestfriendandworstenemyhaddecided

to tie the knot. “Alex proposed,” Rufus continued crossly, “and Stefan said yes. I mean,

whytheHellwouldhedothat?”

“Because he loves him,” I said. A small part of me envied them. Alex Gill was the

biggest, meanest, scariest son-of-a-bitch I’d ever met, but he would do anything for his

sweet,littleStefan.Includingmarryinghimitwouldseem.IdoubtedRufuswouldeverbe

themarryingkind.“They’rehappytogether.”

“But Stefan knows how I feel about Alex,” Rufus argued. “The brute did try to kill

me,incaseyou’veforgotten.”

HowcouldIforget?AlmosttwoyearshadpassedsinceRufushadbeenthevictimof

aviolent,gay-bashingatthehandsofAlex’sformergang.DespitethefactAlexhadhada

cast iron alibi, Rufus refused to believe he had not been involved in the attack. He

toleratedAlexforStefan’ssake,butIknewhestillhopedthetwoofthemwouldsplitup,

eventhough they hadbeen to Helland back to betogether in thefirst place. Stefan had

been seriously hurt in an arson attack on his home, and Alex had barely survived being

beatenandstabbedmultipletimesbyhisoldfriends.Bothofthemstillborethescarsof

theirfightfortherighttoloveeachother.

RemindingRufusthatAlexhadproved,tothesatisfactionofthePolice,thathehad

been in college – attempting to improve himself so Stefan would like him better – the

night he had been bashed would only upset him further, so I tried a change of subject

instead.

“Whydon’tweorderinsomefoodandwatchtelly,”Isuggested,crossingmyfingers

thatIhadenoughinthebanktopayforit.Rufuscouldeasilyspendthirtypoundsormore

onfoodwhenheordered,evenifhehardlytoucheditandIendedupeatingleftoversfor

thenextweek.“Whatdoyoufancy?Chinese?Indian?”

“I don’t want food. How can I eat at a time like this?” Rufus leapt to his feet and

stareddownatmeexpectantly.“Iwanttogoout.Let’sgotoKeane’s.”

“Babe,I’mnotsure…”Iwashungry,evenifRufuswasn’t,andIreallywasn’tkeen

ontheideaofgoingout.

“Please,Eric.”Rufusdroppedintomylapandwoundhisarmsaroundmyneck.He

poutedprettilyandflutteredhiseyelashes.“I’vehadsuchaterribleday.Ineedcheering

up.”

“Whatelsehappened?Youhaven’ttoldmehowtheinterviewwentyet.”

Rufus snorted. “It didn’t go, full stop. Some snotty receptionist looked me up and

downwhenIwentinandsaid,‘DidIrealiseIwasthereforaninterviewandnotachild’s

birthday party?’ So I told her they could stick their interview up their arses because I

didn’t want to work for them anyway, and then I walked out.” He wriggled on my lap,

deliberatelyrubbingupagainstmydick.Thepromiseofsexwasalwayshisgo-tochoice

asameansofdistraction.“Iwassoupset,Eric.Ididn’tevenseethatstupidbollardinthe

carparkuntilitwastoolate.ThenStefanphonedandruinedmydaycompletely.”

“Wait,whatbollard?Rufus,didyoucrashmycar?”

“Notacrash,exactly.It’sonlyasmalldent.Ithardlyevenshows.”

“Right,andwhenwereyougoingtotellme?”

“Ijustdid,silly.”Rufusrolledhiseyes.“IalreadysaidIdidn’tseeit.Comeon,Eric.

Don’tbecrosswithme.Whatwiththatbitchreceptionistandthelittlebumpinyourcar,

andthenfindingoutStefanismarryingthatanimal…can’tyouseehowupsetIam?”

OfcourseIcouldsee.RufusmadesuretolethisbottomlipquiverjusttomakesureI

gotthemessage.I’dhadabaddaytoo.Ifelttootiredtogoout,andIwasdefinitelynotin

themoodforKeane’s,butIknewIhadalreadylost.Wewouldgoclubbingbecauseitwas

whatRufuswantedandwhendidIeversaynotohim?Ilovedhim,thoughGodknowsI

wonderedwhysometimes.

He was spoiled, lazy, selfish and immature. He was beautiful, fun-loving and

passionate.Bestofall,hewasmine.

Chapter2

Keane’swasbusyforaThursdaynight.ThepubRufushadinsistedongoingtofirsthad

beenbusytoo,soobviouslyhewasnottheonlyoneintentonstartinghisweekendearly.

Rufus was already a little merry, having downed three large glasses of wine in quick

succession as soon as we reached the pub. The drinks were cheaper than in the club

accordingtohim,althoughIhadtowonderwhyitmatteredtohimwhenhewasn’ttheone

paying.

Ihadworkthenextdaysodrinkingwasn’tanoptionforme,especiallyonanempty

stomach.Abagofcrispsinthepubhadtakentheedgeoffmyhunger,butnotmuchmore.

Istoodattheendofthebar,sippingmydietcoke,andwatchingRufustearituponthe

dancefloor.Hewaseasytokeepaneyeonasabsolutelyeverythingabouthimwaspink.

Hishair,lipgloss,nailvarnish,tanktopandskinny-fitjeans.Allofitvaryingshadesof

pink,frompasteltoneon.Itgothimalotofattention.Randomguysgyratedupagainst

himonthedancefloor.Heseemedtobeenjoyingit,andanyothernightwemighthave

arguedaboutit.ButIwastootiredandIknewattheendofthenighthewouldgohome

withme,sowhyturnitintoabiggerdealthanithadtobe?

Attheendofthetrack,Rufusdancedhiswayovertome.Hethrewonesweatyarm

aroundmyshouldersandreachedovertostealmydrink.Takingabigswallow,hepulleda

face.

“Ugh.There’snoalcoholinthat.”

“Workingtomorrow,”Isaidbywayofexplanation.Iputmyhandsonhiswaistand

pulled him to me for a sticky, strawberry flavour kiss. It wouldn’t hurt to let his many

admirersseehewasspokenfor.“Areyoureadytogoyet?”

“Do we have to?” Rufus pouted. “I’m having such a good time and I’ve hardly

thoughtaboutStefanandAlexatall!”

“Goonthen,”Isaid,smotheringasigh.Heneededtolethishairdownaftertheday

he’dhad.Firstthatcowofareceptionistmakinghimfeelbad,andthenStefandropping

hislittlebombshell…mypoorRufusdeservedtohavesomefun.“Justanotherhalfhour

though,yeah?”

“’Course,babes.Getmeanotherdrink,willyou?”

Rufusgavemeanotherquickkissbeforesaunteringbacktothedancefloorandthe

little gaggle of admirers waiting for him. I turned back to the bar, and signalled the

barman.Hewasanewbie,oneofseveralbroughtinbythenewmanagement.Allofthe

guysbehindthebarwerehotintheirownway,thoughnoneofthemcomparedtoRufus.

This one, who had insisted on serving me all night even when there were other staff

memberscloser,wasnotmytypeatall.UnlikeStefan,Ihadneverfoundallthatmuscle

andbroodinggoodlooksattractive.Theguywashuge,especiallycomparedtosomeone

likemewhobarelyscrapedfivefeetfive.

“Anotherdietcoke?”heasked,pointingtomyglass.Okay,sohehadbig,browneyes

andasmiletodiefor,noneofwhichmatteredbecauseevenifIdidlikethelookofhim,I

hadaboyfriend.

“No,thanks.I’vehadaboutallthefizzIcantakeforonenight.I’lltakeanArchers

andlemonadeformyboyfriendthough.”

“So…what?”Hiseyesflickeredtowardthedancefloor,whereRufuswassandwiched

betweenguyswhowererunningtheirhandsupanddownhispinkdenim-cladthighs.“Do

youtwohaveanopenrelationship?”

“No,”Isaidfirmly.“Wedon’t.”

Rufusmayhaveforgottenthatdetailacoupleoftimes,buthe’dapologisedafterand

promisedmethatIwastheonlyonehewantedtobewith.Ihadn’tlookedatanotherguy

since we’d been together, and I wasn’t about to start now with some jumped up barman

whoobviouslythoughthewasGod’sgifttogaymen.

“Youdon’tmindthen?Thewayheactswithotherguys?”

“No.WhywouldI?I’mtheonehegoeshomewithattheendofthenight.”

IavoidedhisgazeasheplacedRufus’drinkonthebar.Ididn’thavetojustifymyself

ormyrelationshiptothismanoranyoneelse.Itwasnoneofhisfuckingbusiness,andI

had a good mind to report him. More than likely, he was breaking the terms of his

employmentbyhittingonthecustomers.Therehadalwaysbeenstrictrulesagainststaff

fraternisingwiththecustomersatKeane’sbefore.Assoonaswegothome,Iwouldwrite

astronglywordedemailtohisboss.

“Wait,”Isaid,realisingthebarmanwaswalkingawaywithouttakingmymoney.If

flirting with the customers didn’t get him fired, giving out freebies certainly would. “I

haven’tpaid.”

“Onthehouse.”Hesmiledagain,revealingperfect,whiteteeth.

“No, you can’t. You’ll get into trouble,” I said, forgetting that a moment ago, I had

beenquitepreparedtoblowthewhistleonhimmyself.

“Don’tworryaboutit.”Hemovedalongthebartoserveanothercustomer.

NotthatIwasinterested,ofcourse,butIfoundmyselfwatchinghimasheworked.

Heworethesameblacktrousersandt-shirtastheotherbarstaff,onlyhisattireseemeda

closerfitthananyoftheothers.Itwasimpossibletomissthewaythematerialclungtohis

solidthighsandstretchedacrosshisbackmusclesashemoved.Inaway,Ienviedhim.He

wasquicktosmileandlaugh,andhehadafriendlywordforeveryoneheserved,aswell

asabrilliantrapportwithhiscolleagues.Iwonderedhowitmustfeeltobesoself-assured

andcomfortableinyourownbody.

Everysooften,hiswarmbrowngazewouldturninmydirection.Eachtime,Iwould

blushandlookaway,embarrassedthatheshouldcatchmewatchinghim.Inevitably,after

aminuteorsooflookinganywhereandeverywherebutbehindthebar,myeyeswouldbe

drawnbacktothatbeautiful,intriguingman.

Beautiful?Wherehadthatcomefrom?Hewassofarfrommyideaofbeautifulitwas

unreal.Maybehe’dslippedsomethingintomydrinkwhenIwasn’tlooking,becauseIhad

tobedrunkorhightobethinkingofsomeonelikehimintermsofbeingbeautiful.

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?”Rufusstoodbeforeme,hisheart-shapedfaceamask

offury.

“I’mwaitingforyou.WhatdoesitlooklikeI’mdoing?”

“Itlookslikeyou’reeyeinguptheguybehindthebartome,”Rufussnapped.“You’re

supposedtobewatchingme,nothim.”

“Iwasn’t…”Ibegan,beforedecidingtherewasnopointindenyingitbecauseIhad

clearlybeendoingexactlywhatRufusaccusedmeofforthepasttwentyminutes.Rufus

wasover-reactingthough.Hehadtoknowtheguybehindthebarwashardlymytype.I

tried to come up with an excuse that would both appease my boyfriend and explain my

fascinationwithanotherman.“Heremindsmeofsomeone.I’vebeentryingtofigureout

whohelookslike.”

“Duh!”Rufussaidscathingly.“HelookslikefuckingAlexGill!”

“Really?Youthinkso?”

IknewRufuswasright,althoughIhadnotacknowledgedtheresemblanceuntilthat

point. Of course the guy looked like Alex. Not just his size, but his short, dark hair and

big,browneyestoo.ButI’dneveroncefeltthefaintestflickerofattractiontowardAlex.

Whatwasitaboutthisguythatgrabbedmyattention,howeverhardItriedtoresist?

Rufus glared, unconvinced. It was funny really, his little display of jealousy. He’d

spentallnightonthedancefloorwithdifferentguysdrapedalloverhim,gettingoffon

knowing I was watching them feel him up, but God forbid I even glance sideways at

someoneelse.

“Let’sjustgohome,”Isaid,tootiredtoargue.

“Iwanttodancesomemore,”Rufusstatedstubbornly.“Youcangohomeifyoulike.

Justgivemesomemoneyforanotherdrink.Oh,andmakesureyouleavemeenoughto

getataxihomelater.”

“Here.” I took a couple of notes from my wallet and Rufus plucked them from my

fingerswithagrin.

“Thanks,babe.Loveyou.”

With a waggle of his long fingers, he flounced back to the dance floor and was

immediatelysurroundedbymenofallshapesandsizes.IshookmyheaddespairinglyasI

pulledonmyjacket.Rufuswouldneverchange.He’dstillbedressingthesamewayand

strutting his stuff in night clubs when he was forty. I wondered how I would feel about

that;ifwewerestilltogetherbythen,ofcourse.Ihopedwewouldbe.Myfuture,theway

I imagined it, was with Rufus, but who knew what would happen? Maybe, one of these

nights, he’d meet someone he preferred to me. Maybe I’d meet someone I preferred to

him.NotthatIeverdaredtellRufus,butIwantedthekindoflovethatStefanandAlex

had.

“Hey,waitup.”

Outside the club, I heard feet pounding against the pavement and I turned, not

surprisedtoseetheguyfrombehindthebarchasingafterme.

“Whatdoyouwant?”

“I…um…sawyouleave.Areyouokaywalkinghomealone?Icouldgiveyoualiftif

youwanted.”

“Thanks,butno.”I’ddrivenintotownbecauseIknewIwouldn’tbedrinking.“My

carisparkedoverthere.”

“Oh,right.”HeseemeddisappointedashelookedacrossthestreetinthedirectionI

hadindicated.Iwantedtogetinmycarandgohome–wantedtogetawayfromhimand

thestrangeeffecthehadonme–butIwaited,sensinghehadmoretosay.“Whydoyou

lethimtreatyoulikethat?”heaskedeventually.

Istiffened.“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean.”

“Ithinkyoudo.”Heregardedmecoolly.“Hewalksalloveryouandyoulethim.”

“Youdon’tevenknowhim,”Isaidirritably.

“Iknowthetype.”Herubbedhishandsoverhisdarkhair,exasperated.“Youknow

what?I’mwastingmytimehere.”

Noshit,Sherlock.Icouldhavetoldhimthathoursago.

“IthoughtIwasinterestedinyou,butIwaswrong.Icouldn’tbewithaguywho’s

tooblindortoostupidtoseewhenhe’sbeingplayed.”

“Fuckyou!”Ispat,trulyangrynow.“I’vebeenwithRufusforeighteenmonths.We

loveeachother.IthinkI’dknowifhewasplayinggames.”

“My mistake.” The guy held up his hands as if to fend off my anger. “I think you

deservebetter,that’sall.”

Iwatchedhimstridebacktowardtheclub,beforeIcrossedthestreetandclimbedinto

my car. I gripped the wheel tightly to stop my hands from shaking. How dare he? How

darehe?Hedidn’tknowjack-shitaboutmyrelationship.HewaswrongaboutRufus.He

was.Irestedmyheadonmyhands,fightingbacksudden,angrytears.

Hewaswrong.Hehadtobe.

Chapter3

AweeklaterRufuswasstillinasulkwithme.LikeIwastheonewhohadcrawledhome

drunkatthreeinthemorning.LikeIwastheonewhohadwokenhimupdemandingsex

andthrowingahissyfitwhenhesaidhewastootired.Hewouldgetoverit.Itwasn’tthe

first time he’d been in a mood and, knowing Rufus, it wouldn’t be the last, although he

wasexcellinghimselfbykeepingitupforawholesevendays.Iputpartofitdowntothe

letterhereceived,threateningtocuthisJobSeekers’allowancebecausehehadn’tgoneto

hisinterview.TheotherpartwasmoretodowithhisstubbornbeliefIfanciedthepants

offthenewbarmanatKeane’s.

Trouble was, for all my denials, the guy had been on my mind far more than he

should have been. When I closed my eyes, I tried to make it Rufus’ face that I saw, but

more often than not, my boyfriend’s delicate, pale features morphed into a big, brown-

eyed, solid wall of muscle. It didn’t mean anything. Chances were I wouldn’t see him

again anyway. He wouldn’t keep his job for long if he kept giving away drinks and

abandoninghisposttochaseafterthecustomershe’dbeenhittingon.Myguesswouldbe,

bythenexttimewewenttoKeane’s,he’dhavebeenfired.

Itwasmyfirstshiftonaweekofnights,andIonlyhalf-listenedtothewardsisterin

chargeofhandover.TherestofmybrainwasstillonRufus,wonderingifwewouldever

getbacktonormalorif,thistime,itreallywasthebeginningoftheend.CouldIsaveour

relationship?DidIwantto?IlovedRufus,butbeingwithhimwashardwork,andInever

got back as much as I gave. I wondered what Rufus would say if I suggested we go to

couples therapy like Stefan and Alex had done to fix their relationship. Quickly, I

dismisseditasabadidea.Rufuswouldneverdoanythingthathisarchnemesishaddone

first.

“NurseMontgomery,areyoulistening?”

“Yes,”Ilied.“Absolutely.”

“Good.Offyougothen.”

“I…er…”

“Mr. White in bed seven,” the ward sister said with a roll of her eyes. “Motorbike

accident. Surgery on his wrist this morning. Is this ringing and bells yet, Nurse

Montgomery?Heneedshisobservationsdoing.”

“Right,sorry.”

Guiltridden,Igrabbedatrolleyandmademywaytobedseven.WhenIwasatwork,

thepatientscamefirstandthatwasalltherewastooit.Forthenextfewhours,Ihadtoput

my troubled relationship out of mind, and I definitely had to stop day-dreaming about

muscleboundstrangerswithbigbrowneyes.Muchliketheonewholayinthebedbefore

me–orshouldIsayexactlyliketheguywholayinthebed—hisfacepaleandhiseyes

closed.

“MrWhite,Itakeit,”Isaid,myheartpoundingwildlyatthesightofhim.

Heopenedhiseyesandgavemeatiredsmileasrecognitiondawned.“Yeah,butas

it’syou,callmeMason.”

“I’mgoingtotakeyourtemperatureandbloodpressure,”Isaidstiffly.“Icangetyou

somepainkillersifyoufeelyouneedthem,MrWhite.”

“Mason,”hecorrected.

Iignoredhim,runningthroughmycheckswithunduehasteinordertogetawayfrom

himassoonaspossible.Officially,hewasinoneofmybeds,butIwouldaskoneofthe

otherstoswapsoIdidn’thavetogonearhimagainthatnight.

“Are you experiencing any pain right now, Mr White?” I asked officiously, as I

recordedhistemperatureandbloodpressurereadingsonhisnotes,allthewhiletryingnot

toactuallylookathim.

“Yes,”hesaid.“Myhearthurtsbecauseyouwon’tcallmeMasonorevenlookatme.

AndafterallthetroubleIwenttojustsoIcanseeyouagain.”

“Youdidthisonpurpose?”Istaredathim,incredulous.“HowdidyouevenknowI’m

anurse?”

“Ididn’t.Thatwasajoke.”Herolledhisheadbackonthepillowandclosedhiseyes

again.“Look,you’recuteandIlikeyou,butnotsomuchI’dtotalmybikeandputmyself

inhospitaltoseeyouagain.”

Hedidn’tseemtohaveanythingtoadd,soIlefthimtodozewhileIcarriedonmy

rounds. I passed my colleague, Kate, in the corridor and asked her to take Mr White –

Mason–somepainrelief.Shegavemeastrangelook,butdidn’taskwhyIdidn’twantto

doit,andIdidn’tofferupanexplanation.

Forthefirstfewhours,Iwasrunoffmyfeetand,thankfully,keptfartoobusytogive

MasonWhitemorethanthemostcursoryofthoughts.Butitturnedintoaquietnight.The

patients were all settled and sleeping before midnight and none of them seemed to have

the potential for developing problems. My colleagues, including the ward sister, were

gatheredaroundacomputeratthenurses’station,evidentlyhavingfoundsomecatvideo

onYouTubethatwashystericallyfunny.

I, perhaps inevitably, found myself standing at the end of a certain patient’s bed. I

watchedhimsleepandtriedtofigureoutwhatitwasabouthimthatintriguedmeso.He

was handsome, yes, but I had seen plenty of handsome men in my time without being

captivated by them. Mason White was not my type. He was too tall, too broad, too

muscular…too everything. He looked like Alex Gill for fuck’s sake, and Alex tended to

terrifymeratherthanenticeme.

“Can’tstayaway,huh?”

Imethisamusedgaze,feelingguiltythathehadcaughtmelookingathimagain.

“Justdoingmyjob,MrWhite.”

“Right, even though you’ve been avoiding me all evening. It’s Mason, by the way.

Twosyllables.May-sun.Goon,tryit.”

“Sorry,”Isaid,turningaway.“Ihaveworktodo.”

“No,youdon’t.Everyoneelseisasleep.Stay.Talktome.”

Iturnedback,becausehewasright,andifIhadalittletimetowastebeforemynext

roundsIwouldratherspenditwithhimthanmyguffawingcolleagues.

“Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?”

“Idon’tknow.”Heclosedhiseyes,relaxingnowthathewassatisfiedIwouldstay.

“Tellmeaboutyou.”

“There’snotmuchtotell,”Isaid,movingclosertothebed.Iwasmorecomfortable

talking to him while his eyes were shut; when I could study his handsome face to my

heart’scontentwithhimnonethewiser.“MynameisEricMontgomery,justlikeitsays

on my name badge. I’m twenty-four.” He winced at that, making me wonder if he was

olderthanhelooked.“Ilovechocolateandhatespiders.”InterestingthatIshouldchoose

toputmyloveofchocolateovermyloveforRufus.Bestnottoreadtoomuchintothat,

althoughitwouldn’thurttoremindMasonthatIwasspokenfor.“Idon’tunderstandthis

Pokémoncraze,”Itoldhim,“butmyboyfriendplaysitallthetime.”

“I want to know about you, not him,” Mason grumbled. “But I’m with you on the

Pokémonthing.Idon’tgetiteither.”HeopenedhiseyesandIglancedawayquickly.“I

know some of the guys in the club are really into it. Only they call it Grindr and

everybody’slookingforTwinkachuandPokebear.”

The laugh burst from my lips before I could stop it and Mason smiled, looking

pleasedwithhimself.Maybehethoughthewasgettingsomewherewithme,winningme

round,butIwasn’tthetypeofguytothrowawaymyrelationshipjustbecausehehada

nicesmileandasenseofhumour,evenifRufus…

If Rufus what? How had did I think that sentence ended? Even if Rufus cheated on

me?Usedme?SpenteverypennyIearnedonhisownselfishneeds?No.Iwasn’tgoingto

startplayingtheblamegamesimplybecauseI’dmetsomeoneIlikedandwantedtoease

myguiltyconscience.I’dknownwhatRufuswaslikefromtheverybeginningandIhad

stillcometolovehim.

“Tellmeaboutyou,”Isaid,notquitereadytowalkawayfromhim.

“My name is Mason White, just like it says on my medical records. I’m…ahem…

thirty-two.”SothatwouldexplainwhyheflinchedwhenItoldhimmyage.Hewaseight

years older than me and definitely older than he looked. “I love motorbikes, especially

HarleyDavidsons,andIhatemenwhocheatontheirboyfriends.”

Okay,thathadtobeanotherdigatRufus.Hedidn’tevenknowRufus,sowhowashe

tojudge?Masonwastryingtogetmetocheatonmyboyfriend,butwouldn’tthatmake

methetypeofmanheclaimedtodislikesovehemently?

“I really do need to get back to work,” I said, suddenly awkward with him again,

becauseIhadthefeelinghewasplayinggameswithme,onlyIwasn’tsurewhatgameor

whattheruleswere.

“Fine,”hereplied.Hisunwaveringgazelockedontomine.“But…justsoyouknow,

Eric…onceyou’remine,I’mnevergoingtoletyouwalkawayfrommeagain.”

OnceIwashis…notifbutonce.AsifmyfatewasalreadydecidedandIhadnosay

inthematter.Ididn’tbotheranswering.Instead,Iwalkedaway,withmyheartracingand

mysoulinturmoil.

“Areyouokay?”Kateasked,lookingupfromherpaperworkasInearedthenurses’

station.

“I’mfine.”

Intruth,Ididn’tknowwhatIwasrightatthatmoment.MasonWhitehadmetiedup

inknots,andIdidn’tknowifwhatIfeltwasdisgustordelight,angerorexcitement.Once

you’remine.Ihadtoadmit,IdidlikeMasonmorethanIshould,butitwaslikehavinga

crushonafamousactororapopstar.Itwasn’treal.Nothingcouldeverhappenbetween

us.Ididn’tevenwantitto,butasIwentbacktowork,thosethreewordsplayedoverand

overinmyhead.

Onceyou’remine…

Chapter4

“Wedon’thavetogoifyoudon’twantto.”

We were packing for a weekend in Weymouth with Stefan and Alex, and their

engagement party. At least I was packing. Rufus sat on the bed, playing games on his

mobilephone,lookingupoccasionallytotellmeheeitherdidordidn’twantcertainitems

ofclothingputtingintohisbag.Ididn’tmindthathewasn’tdoinganyofthework.We

were back on talking terms and life was getting back to normal. Yes, I’d been mildly

disappointed to find Mason had been discharged when I turned up for my second night

shift, but that had been a week ago. I’d soon got over it, and with things at home

improving,I’ddecideditwasforthebestifIdidn’tseeMasonagain.RufusandIwere

backontrackandIdidn’tneedorwantanydistractions.

Rufushadusedmybankcardtobookahotelandforoncehehadmanagedtochoose

a room that was modestly priced. He was still very much against the whole idea of his

friend,Stefan,marryinghisgreatestenemy,buthe’dinsistedwegototheirparty.Itwould

beasmallaffair,becauseStefanandAlexhadfewfriendsandevenlessfamily,butIhad

expectedRufustorefusetogotomakeapoint.

“Lastchancetochangeyourmind,”Isaid,zippinghisbagshut.“Idon’tunderstand

whyyouwanttogowhenyou’resoagainsttheidea.”

“SomeonehastomakeStefanseesense.”

“Rufus,pleasedon’tsayanything.”

Hewouldthough.ThenStefanwouldgetupsetandAlexwouldgetangry,andnone

ofuswantedtobearoundanangryAlex.Hemighthavechangedhiswaysforlove,but

AlexGillwasstilladangerousman,andnotonetobecrossed.

“Just think about it on the way there.” I tried, looking round the bedroom to make

sureIhadn’tforgottenanything.“Youdon’twanttoruinStefan’sparty,doyou?”

“I’lltalktohimbeforetheparty,”Rufusreplied,stubbornasever.

Therewasnopointarguing.ThemoreItriedtopersuadehimnottocauseproblems,

themoredeterminedhewouldbetodojustthat.

Rufuswasquietinthecaronthejourneydowntothecoast.Hesleptmostoftheway.

Itwouldhavebeennicetohavesomecompany,especiallyoncewehitthetrafficonthe

M3,butIhadtheradiosoIdidn’treallymind.Healwaysbecametensewhenhehadtogo

intoanyplaceAlexGillwouldbe.

Wemadegoodtime,despitetheheavytraffic,andpulledupoutsideStefanandAlex’s

address shortly after midday. Alex currently worked for his former boss’s brother, Tony,

whileStefantrainedtobecomeahairdresser,andtheylivedinanapartmentoverTony’s

large,doublegarage.Theengagementpartywouldnotbeheldtherebutinapubonthe

seafront,onlybecauseRufuswantedtospendtimewithStefanbeforetheothersarrived,

wehadgonedirectlytotheirhome.

Rufus climbed out of the car and stretched. He stared up at the windows above the

garage,hismixedfeelingsclearonhisface.Excitementatseeinghisbestfriend;dreadat

seeing that best friend’s lover. A door opened at the top of a metal staircase and a slim,

blond figure hurtled down the steps to throw both arms and legs around Rufus. Stefan.

Beautiful,funny,Stefanwhoworehisheartonhissleeveandadoredthelittlemakeshift

family he had gathered around him. Me and Rufus, his old flatmate Amanda and her

fiancéDan,Killigan,thepolicemanwhohadhandledhisandAlex’scaseeighteenmonths

back,andMarcie,Alex’soldboss–Stefanlovedallofus,althoughweallknewhewould

killeachandeveryoneofuswithouthesitation,andstepoverourdeadbodiesinorderto

gettoAlex.Helovedus,buthebelongedtoAlex,heart,bodyandsoul.

I glanced up, sensing Alex was there before I saw him. He stood at the top of the

stairs,armsfoldedacrosshisbroadchest,practicallyoozingmenaceandill-humourashe

watched his boyfriend and mine act out their joyful reunion. Aside from the fact Mason

smiledmore,Rufushadbeenright.TherewasastrongresemblancebetweenMasonand

Alex.

Alex’sgazeflickeredinmydirectionandIdroppedmygaze,doingmybesttolook

casual. Before I met Rufus, I had hooked up with Stefan in Keane’s one night. I hadn’t

knownitatthetime,butwhenStefanhadsuddenlygonecoldonmeandputastoptoour

make-outsession,itwasbecauseAlexhadbeenwatchingandthreatenedtobreakmylegs

if we went any further. Even though I was with Rufus now, and Stefan was devoted to

him,Ididn’tthinkAlexhadeverforgivenme.

“Let’s go over to the main house,” Stefan said, untangling himself from Rufus and

turningtolookforAlex.“Tonysaidwecanusehiskitchen.”

Confident Alex would follow, Stefan lead the way across the wide gravel driveway

and around the side of the house. Stefan and Rufus held hands, the way they often did

when they had not seen each other for a while. Alex trudged along behind me, a dark,

heavypresenceatmybackthatItriednottoletunnerveme.

Surprisingly,itwasAlexwhomovedaroundthebig,airykitchenmakingdrinksfor

usall,whileRufus,StefanandIsettledaroundthefamily-sizewoodentable.Iwasn’tsure

whatTony’sbusinesswas–somethinginthemotortradeIthought–butwhateveritwas,

it clearly paid well. Enough for this lovely house with its tasteful décor and expensive

furnitureatleast.

Alexplacedmugsofstrongteainfrontus.Itwasfartoostrongformyliking,buthe

hadn’taskedhowwetookitandIwasn’tbraveenoughtopointitouttohim.IsawRufus

pull a face and hoped he wouldn’t start making a fuss almost as soon as we got there.

Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, just pushed the mug away from him with his long

dainty,fingers.

Alex didn’t join us at the table, choosing to remain standing, his arms folded once

again,hist-shirtstrainingacrosshisthickbiceps.HisdarkeyessettledonStefanandthe

tensiondrainedfromhisbodyinstantly.Icouldn’thelpit.Iwasn’tattractedtoAlexatall,

buthelookedsomuchlikeMason,andIhadtowonderwhatitwouldbeliketobeheld

byaguylikethat.

“Hey,Eric…areyouwithus?”

“Sorry.”IflashedaquicksmileatStefan.“Iwasmilesaway.”

“AnyoneIknow?”Stefangrinnedatmeandwaggledhisperfectlypluckedeyebrows

suggestively.

“He’s got an admirer,” said Rufus helpfully. “Some new guy behind the bar at

Keane’s.”

“Seriously?”Stefan’sgreeneyeswidened.

“It’snothing.I’veonlyseenhimthatonce.”

Ihadn’ttoldRufusaboutMasonturninguponmyward.Ithadonlybeenonenight

afterall,andIhadn’tseenthepointinstirringupmoretroublewhenourrelationshipwas

alreadyonshakyground.Onceyou’remine… I could never tell Rufus what Mason had

saidtome.Idefinitelycouldn’ttellhimaboutthewarmandfuzzyfeelingsIgotwhenever

Ithoughtaboutthosethreelittlewords,orhowmybreathcaughtinmythroateverytimeI

recalledtheintensityofMason’sgaze.

“Once was enough,” Rufus snorted. “You should have seen him, Stefan, hitting on

Ericrightinfrontofme.”

“Really?”Stefanshookhisheadindisbelief.“WantmetosendAlextosorthimout

foryou?”

Alex grunted, although it was hard to tell whether he was agreeing or disagreeing

withhisboyfriend.

Rufusmadearudenoise.“He’sbiggerthanAlex.Hewon’tfinditaseasyasbashing

littletwinkslikehe’susedto.Thisguywillknockhimintothemiddleofnextweek.”

Weallstaredathim,openmouthed.Well,StefanandIhadourmouthsopen.Alex’s

wassetintoatight,thinline,andiflookscouldkill,I’dbearrangingafuneralrightabout

then.Wherethehellhadthatcomefrom?Rufus,whohadalwaysclaimedtobeterrified

ofAlex,hadswitchedabruptlyfromavoidancetopokingathimwithabloodygreatstick.

Thankfully,timehadmellowedAlex.Eitherthat,orStefanhadhimwelltrained.One

look from Stefan and Alex backed down, although he seemed none too happy about it.

Rufus was oblivious, or perhaps he really didn’t care. I saw the way Alex and Stefan

lookedateachotherthough,andmyboyfriendwasdeludinghimselfifhestillthoughthe

couldcomebetweenthem.

“Sweetie,Ineedtotalktoyou.Inprivate.”RufusgrabbedholdofStefan’shandand

pulledhimtohisfeet.“Comeon.Let’sgoforawalkroundthegarden.”

Stefan shot Alex an apologetic look over his shoulder as he was dragged out of the

back door. That left me with Alex…which was not at all awkward. He grabbed the

untouched mugs from the table and poured the tea down the sink. The silence stretched

outbetweenustothepointofbeingpainful.Alexfilledthesinkwithhotwaterandbegan

towashthemugs.Iwenttostandbesidehim,pickedupatea-towelandstartedtodry.

“So…”Alexclearedhisthroat.“Whatdoesyourlittlegirlfriendwanttotalkabout?”

“Ithinkhewantstopersuadeyourlittlegirlfriendnottomarryyou.”

Alex was quiet again. I wondered if I had made him angry, but a minute later, he

shruggedhismassiveshoulders.“Stefwouldn’tdothattome.”

“Iknow,”Isaidwithasigh.“You’relucky,Alex.Ihopeyouknowthat.”

“Ido.”Hesnatchedthetea-toweloutofmygraspanddriedhishandsbeforedropping

itontothecounter-top.“Comeon,let’sgoandgetarealdrink.”

Ishouldn’t,becauseIstillhadtodrivetothehotelyet,butthiswasthefirsttimeAlex

hadbeentheslightestbitfriendlytowardme.Maybeitcamebacktohisresemblanceto

Mason,butIsuddenlyfelttheneedtogettoknowhimbetter.Ifollowedhimthroughtoa

lavish, cream-coloured living room. Alex helped himself to a bottle from the drinks

cabinet and poured generous amounts of scotch into two glasses. He handed one of the

glassestomeandtookasipfromtheother.

“SohowarethingswithyouandRupert?”

“Rufus,” I corrected, although I knew this was a favourite game of his. Alex never

calledRufusbyhispropername,partlybecauseitannoyedRufus,butmainlybecausehe

didn’twantto.“Andwe’rejustfine,thanks.”

“Didn’tseemthatwaytome.”

“No,weare.It’s…it’snothing.Imean,everycouplehasroughpatches,don’tthey?”

“Yeah, mine and Stef’s was when we had people trying to kill us.” He studied me

overtherimofhisglass.“Thisguyfromtheclub…youinterested?”

“No!”Yes,butIwasn’tabouttoadmitthattoAlexGillofallpeople.“He’snoteven

mytype.”

“Whatifhewas?WouldyoucheatonRudolph?”

“Rufus.AndnoIwouldn’t.I’mnotlikethatevenif…”

“Evenifhecheatsonyou,”Alexfinishedforme.

“Itwasonlytwice,”Isaidhotly.“Anditwasagesago.Rufuslovesme.”

“Lovesyourmoneymaybe.Andtwice?Yeah, right. Sorry, Eric, but you know how

girlstalk.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Had Rufus said something to Stefan? Was there

moretohischeatingthanthetwotimesIknewabout?

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Alex said with a shrug. “All I’m saying is, if this guy

doesitforyou,thenwhynottakeachance.Seewhathappens.”

“WhatamIsupposedtodo?JustforgetIhaveaboyfriend?”

“Yeah,whynot?Ifitdoesn’tworkoutwiththeotherguy,Rudyneverneedstoknow.

And,evenifhefindsout,hewon’tdoanything.He’lllooktheotherwaybecausehecan’t

affordnotto.”

Chapter5

I had Monday off, before returning to work the day shift on Tuesday morning. The

engagementpartyhadgonesmoothly,butitwasacloserunthing.AsIpredicted,Stefan

hadbeenunderstandablyupsetbyRufus’demandsthathecalloffhisengagement,while

Rufushadbeenangryandupset(again)byStefan’srefusaltodumpAlex.Alexhadbeen

furious,eventhoughI’dwarnedhimwhatRufuswasgoingtodo.Luckily,Killiganand

MarciehadarrivedintimetohaulAlexofftothesideandcalmhimdownbeforeIfound

myselfshortoneboyfriend.

BythetimeAmandaandDanarrived,andweallsetoffthepub,nobodywastalking

to anybody else and the atmosphere was decidedly frosty. After a few drinks, however,

RufusandStefanhadagoodcryineachother’sarmsandweresuddenlybacktobeingthe

bestof friends, tearingup a stormon the small dancefloor while Alexand I looked on,

bemused. After that, it was plain sailing, and I actually enjoyed myself far more than

expected. I’d liked Amanda since the first time I met her in Stefan’s hospital room, and

evenherboyfriendDancameoutofhisshellalittle.Big,gruffKilliganhadalwaysscared

theshitoutofme,butwesatandtalkedforprobablythefirsttimeeveranditturnedout

hewasanokaykindofguy.Bestofall,RufusandIhadgonebacktoourhotelandhad

the best sex we’d had in months. I really felt like we’d turned a corner and I’d hardly

thoughtaboutMasonWhitethewholetimewewereaway.

Whichwaswhy,whenIleftthehospitalandmademywaytocatchthebus(Rufus

had my car again), I was surprised to see Mason across the road from the bus stop, sat

astrideahugemotorbike.Thechromegleamedinthesunlight,althoughtheriderseemed

toattractasmuchattentionasthemachine.Icrossedovertheroadandglaredathim.

“You shouldn’t be riding yet,” I scolded. “It’s not even two weeks since your

operation.”

“Whatthis?”Masonliftedhisarmtoshowmehisbandagedwrist.“It’sfine.Whatdo

youthinkofmynewride?”

“It’sokay,Isuppose,”Imuttered,determinednottolethimseehowimpressedIwas.

Notthatmotorbikesweremything.Iknewfuckallaboutthem,butIdidknowonething.

“It’snotaHarley,isit?”

“Nope.”Masonranhishandoverthetanklovingly.“It’saValkyrie.”

“Of course it is.” Whatever the Hell a Valkyrie might be. Well…a motorbike,

obviouslyandabloodybig,expensiveoneatthat.Whichbroughtmetomynextquestion.

“Howcanyouaffordabikelikethisonbarstaffwages?”

Mason smiled. “Suffice to say I’m not exactly suffering in the financial stakes. I’m

notjustbarstaffatKeane’s,Eric.Iownit.”

“Oh,”Isaid,becausewhatelsewastheretosay?

“Iwasthinking…well,morelikewondering,Isuppose…ifyouwouldliketogofora

ride sometime? On the bike, obviously…I don’t mean…” Mason pushed his hands

through his hair and looked uncharacteristically flustered. “Anyway, if you wanted to, I

havesomeleathersathomethatmightfityou.Iusuallywearmine,but…”

God,thethoughtofMasondressedfromheadtotoeinleathersentashiverdownmy

spine. I could imagine him in a heavy, biker-style jacket with a white wife-beater vest

underneath,shinyblackleatherstretchedacrosshishugethighs.Oh,thatIwouldliketo

see…

“Okay,”Masonsaid,hisconfidencerenewed.Heheldouthissparecrashhelmetand

grinnedatme.“ComehomewithmenowandI’dbehappytomodelmyleathersforyou.”

Shit, had I said that out loud? He would think he was getting somewhere with me

when he really wasn’t. I wasn’t about to do what Alex suggested. I wasn’t stupid. He’d

onlyadvisedmetogoforitwithMasonbecausehedislikedRufussointenselyandwould

behappytoseemedumphimonhisarse.I’dneverbeenthecheatingkind,eventhough–

strictlyspeaking–acceptingaliftfromaguydidn’tmakemeunfaithfultomyboyfriend.

ItwouldonlybecheatingifIletsomethingmorehappenbetweenmeandMason.

“It’snotagoodidea,”Isaid,unsurewhichofusIwastryingtoconvince.

“Alifthomethen,”Masonpersisted.“It’stheleastIcandoseeingasImadeyoumiss

yourbus.”

Iglancedovermyshoulder,dismayedandembarrassed,toseemybuspullingaway

from the stop. I hadn’t even realised it was there, as engrossed as I was with Mason,

leather, and the dilemma of whether or not the act of standing there talking to him

constitutedcheating.I’dhavetowaithalfhourforthenextone,whichsuddenlymadethe

offerofaliftlookdecidedlymoreappealing.

“Alifthome,that’sall,”Isaidfirmly,takingthehelmetfromMason.

“Viamyplace?”heaskedhopefully.

“No!”

Hebattedmyhandsawayfrommychinandfastenedthestrapforme.“I’mbeingtoo

pushyagain,aren’tI?”hesaiddespondently.“IwastalkingtomysisterandshesaidI’m

puttingtoomuchpressureonyou.”

“Youtoldyoursisteraboutme?”Iwassurprised.Itchangedthings,knowinghehad

talked to a family member about me. It meant there could be more to his single-minded

pursuitofmethanIhadfirstthought.

“Well…yeah,” he said over his shoulder as I climbed onto the bike behind him.

“We’rereallyclose.Itellhereverything.Shethinksit’sgreatthatI’vemetsomeoneIlike.

Shedoesn’twantmetoscareyouawaybybeingtoodemanding.”

“You’renotscaringmeaway.”Isighedguiltily,knowingIshouldn’tencouragehim.

“ButIhaveaboyfriend,Mason,andI’mnotgoingtocheatonhim.Solongasyouaccept

that,I’dlikeforustobefriends.”

“Friends,”Masonsaidindisgust,ashestartedtheengine.

IttookaboutfiveminutesformetorealiseIhadnotgivenMasonmyaddress.How

didheknowwhereIlived?Hadheactuallybeenstalkingmeorsomething?Iwouldhave

asked him, but I wasn’t sure he’d hear me over the roar of the massive engine. It was

another five minutes before I realised we were not heading in the right direction.

Obviously, Mason didn’t know where I lived after all. Where the Hell were we going?

Washekidnappingme?Fuck,Icouldbeinrealtroublehere.

It crossed my mind that the next time he stopped for a red light or at a junction I

wouldsimplyhopoffthebackofthebikeandrunforit.Only,MasonrodeliketheDevil

himself was snapping at our heels, weaving in and out of the traffic, speeding through

lightsastheyturnedtoamberandbarelyslowingatallforjunctionsandbends.Itwasno

wonderhehadbeeninanaccident!

Afterawhile,Irecognisedtheareawewerepassingthroughatbreakneckspeedand

guessed where we were heading even before we pulled up to the back of Keane’s. The

hugebikerolledtoastopbesideablood-redRangeRover,anotherofMason’sexpensive

toys judging by the private number plate bearing his initials. I was off the motorbike

beforehekilledtheengine,strugglingtoundothechinstrapandpulloffmycrashhelmet.

“Whyarewehere?”Idemanded.“Yousaidyouweretakingmehome.”

“I did.” Mason climbed off the bike, removed his helmet, and pulled me to him,

releasing the troublesome strap with ease. “This is my home…well, one of them. I live

overtheclub.Sometimes.WhenI’mnotatthebeachhouseortheWestEndpad.”

Iglaredathim,notknowingwhetherornothewasserious.“I’mnotimpressed,you

know?Justbecauseyou’vegotmoney.”

“Good,becauseifyouwereinterestedinthemoney,youwouldn’tbetheguyIthink

youare.”

“Mason…I’mnotgoingtosleepwithyou.”

“DidIaskyouto?”

“No,but…thenwhyarewehere?”

“Soyoucanseemeinmyleathers.”Hegrinnedatmeasheunlockedthebackdoor

oftheclub.“Inthem,notoutofthem,Ipromise.”

Ifollowedhiminside,standingtoonesidewhileheboltedthedoorbehindus.“You

might need to talk to your sister again,” I said lightly. “Get some advice on this whole

beingtoopushything.”

“It worked, didn’t it?” Mason shrugged, as he unlocked another door that led to a

flightofstairs.“You’rehere.”

“Yeah,onlybecauseyoubasicallyabductedme!”

His apartment was lavish, although it was nothing more than I had come to expect

fromMason.Everythinginthehallway,livingroomandthekitchenthatIlookedintoas

wepassed,wasblack,whiteandchrome.Therewerephotosandartworkonthewallsthat

keptitfrombeingtoosterilealthough,ifI’dhopedtofindMasoninanyofthepictures,I

wouldbesorelydisappointed.MostoftheprintswereofmotorbikesandIfoundonlyone

ofaslim,dark-hairedwomanwithMason’seyes.Thesister,Iassumed.

“You’vegotaniceplace.”

“Itwilldofornow.AtleastuntilIgobackontour.”

“Tour?”Isnorted.“Nextyou’llbetellingmeyou’reafamouspopstar.”

Masongavemeastrangelook.“HaveyouheardofabandcalledArcadia?”

“Yeah,I’veheardofthem,butthey’renotreallymything.Icouldn’ttellyouanything

they’vedone.”

Mason smiled, probably the biggest smile I’d seen on him yet. “You really don’t

know,doyou?”

“Don’t know what?” I stared at him, puzzled by his talk of tours and rock bands

and…“Oh,shit!You’re…”

“Mace White,” Mason finished for me with an exaggerated bow. “Arcadia’s lead

vocalist.”

“Okay,thisisembarrassing.”Oneoftheworld’sbestknownrockstarswaschasing

aftermeandIwastodimtoevenrecognisehim.‘Totesawk’asRufuswouldsay.

“No,it’snot,”Masonassuredme.“Eric,Ilovethatyoudon’tknowwhoIam.You’re

everything I was hoping to find when I decided to take a break from music. I want

someonetolikemeforMasonWhitetheperson,notjustMaceWhitetherockstar.”

“I do like you, Mason,” I said, swallowing the sudden lump that had lodged in my

throatwhenIobservedhislittle-boy-lostexpression,andheardhissadvoice,filledwith

hopelessness.“Butasafriend,remember.That’sallwecaneverbe.”

“Friends,”herepeatedforlornly.“Arefriendsstillallowedtomodeltheirleathersfor

eachother?”

“Onlyifthey’rereallyquick,”Itoldhim,rollingmyeyes.“AndI’mnotgoinginto

thebedroomwithyou,sodon’tevenask.”

Heflashedmeaquicksmile,instantlybacktohiscocky,self-assuredself,andhurried

fromtheroom.

IwaiteduntilIheardthesoftclickofMason’sbedroomdoorclosingbeforeIpulled

myphonefrommypocketandcalledRufustolethimknowIwouldbelatehome.

“Hey, hun. There’s no food in the house. Can you bring something home? I fancy

Chinese.”

There was no How are you? Where are you? Just straight in with the demands. I

stifledasighandstubbornlypushedawaythelittlevoiceinmyheadthatwhisperedAlex

hadbeenrightaboutRufus.Everybodyhadbeenrightabouthimallalong,butIwastoo

proudtoacceptit.MymoneywasthethingRufuslovedaboutourrelationship,notme.

“WhathappenedtothetwentyquidIgaveyoutogoshopping?”

“Somethingcameup.”

Yeah, something like a vital stage of some video game he couldn’t leave for five

minutes,oranitemofclothinghewouldratherspendourfoodmoneyon.

“Rufus,I’mgoingtobelateasitis.I’mnotgoingfurtheroutofmywaytogotothe

Chinese,” I said, forcing myself to be patient. “If you’re hungry, you’ll have to get

somethingfromtheshopattheendoftheroad.I’llseeyoulater.”

Ihungupwithoutgivinghimthechancetoanswer.Gome.Iwasgoingtogettough

withRufus,putmyfootdownmoreoften,tellhimhehadtostartpullinghisweight,and

stoplettinghimwalkalloverme.Riiight–thatresolvewouldlastuntilRufuscriedforthe

firsttimeandthenI’dgiveintohimlikeIalwaysdid.

Amuffledyellcamefromthebedroom,followedbyaloudcrashandawholelotof

swearing.

“Mason?”Iwentoutintothehallway.“Areyouokay?”

Noanswer.Reluctantly,Iedgednearertohisbedroomdoor,wonderingifthiswasall

justarusetogetmeinthere.Butwhatifhewasactuallyhurt?Icouldn’tleavehim,could

I?NotwhenIwasanurse.Cautiously,Ipushedopenthedoor–andlaughedtoseeMason

sprawledonthefloor,hisleathertrouserstangledaroundhisankles.Helookedupatme,

hischeeksflushingadorably.

“Okay,sothesemighthaveshrunkabitsincethelasttimeIworethem.”

“You’reanidiot,”Isaid,stilllaughing.

“Helpmeup.”

“Ohno,IalreadytoldyouI’mnotcominginthere.Sortyourselfout,MrRockstar.

I’llwaitintheotherroom.”

Ilefthimrollingaroundonthefloordoinghis‘dyingfly’impersonation.Iheardhim

laughing and found it hard to keep the smile from my face. Mason liked me because I

hadn’tknownwhohewas.AndnowthatIdidknow,Ididn’tcare.Iwasn’timpressedby

hisobviouswealthorhisfameandIgottheimpressionhelikeditwhenIstooduptohim.

IfIhadtoguess,I’dsayhewassurroundedbyadoringfansandyes-meninhisotherlife

andheprobablyappreciatedsomeonewhochallengedhim.

The front door opened abruptly, almost sending me flying into the opposite wall. A

man entered, taller than me and slim, with thin lips and mean eyes. He came to a halt

whenhesawme,hisexpressionturningblack.

“WhotheHellareyou?”hedemandedfuriously.Helookedalongthehallwayinthe

directionIhadclearlycomefrom.“Andwhatthefuckwereyoudoinginmyboyfriend’s

bedroom?”

Chapter6

Masonhadaboyfriend.Hewastheexactpersonheclaimedtohate.Morethanthat…he

was a liar and a hypocrite and a lot of other things I didn’t even want to put a name to

rightatthatmoment.NotthatIwasanybetter.IwasinaplaceIshouldn’tbewithaguyI

shouldn’tbewith,whileIhadaboyfriendathome.I’dsaidfromthestartnothingwould

happenwithMason.IlovedRufus,didn’tI?We’dbeenhappybeforeMasoncamealong

andstirredeverythingup,makingmedoubtmyselfandmyrelationship.WhatrightdidI

havetobesoangryandupset?

“Liam,whatthefuck…?”Masonappearedinhisbedroomhallway,stillbuttoningup

hisjeans.

I didn’t hang around long enough to hear the excuses he would come up with to

placate his boyfriend. Glad that I hadn’t taken my jacket off when I got there, I pushed

pastMason’slividotherhalfandrandownthestairs,takingthemtwoatatime.Mason

thundereddownthestepsbehindme,catchingupwithmeasIfumbledtounlocktheback

dooroftheclub.Tearsburnedmyeyes,butIrefusedtoletthemfallinfrontofMason,the

lying,cheatingscumbag.Theyweretearsbornofanger,Itoldmyself,notdisappointment.

“Unlockthedoor.Letmeout.”

“Iwill…butonlyifyoucalmdownandlistentome.It’snotwhatyouthink,Eric.”

Ilaughedbitterly.“Aren’tyousupposedtobesayingthattoyourboyfriend?”

“Okay,Iknowthat’showitlooks,butLiamisn’tmyboyfriend.”

“Really? Does he know that?” I rattled the door handle in frustration. “Let me out,

Mason.Iwanttogohome.”

“I’lltakeyou,”Masonsaid.Hereachedaroundmeandunlockedthedoor.Itriedto

rush past him, out into the open air, but he grabbed my arm, pinning me to the wall. “I

needtogobackupstairsandgetmybootsandmykeys.Promiseyou’llwaithereforme.”

“Ipromise,”Imuttered.

Masongavemealonglookasthoughhedidn’tbelievemeandIrolledmyeyes.

“Go!HurryupbeforeIchangemymind.”

Heturnedandhurriedbackupthestairstohisapartment.Assoonashewasoutof

sight,Islippedoutofthedoorandran.Therewasabusjustpullingintothestopacross

theroadfromtheclubandIgotstraightonit,notcaringwhereitwasgoingsolongasit

tookmetoaplacefarawayfromMason.

Five minutes later, Mason’s big, silver bike roared by. I sank down in my seat,

worried he might see me, but he didn’t seem to even notice the bus as he raced past. I

wonderedhowtheboyfriendfeltaboutMasonleavinghimbehindtogochasingafterme.

TwobusjourneysandanhourlaterIgothometofindRufussat,cross-legged,onthe

livingroomfloor.ThecoloursofwhateverXboxgamehewasplayingflickeredacrosshis

prettyface.Aplasticbaglayonthefloorbesidehim,bearingthenameofthelocalGame

store.Thatexplainedwheremymoneyhadgoneatleast.Ilookedathimandfeltnothing.

No love. No affection. Neither like nor dislike – just nothing. I took a deep, shuddering

breath.Thetimehadcome.IknewwhatIhadtodo.

“Did you bring food?” Rufus asked, without looking up from the screen. “I’m

starving.”

“Ithinkweshouldsplitup.”

Atlast,Igotareaction,althoughnotuntilafterhe’dpausedhisgame.

“Areyouserious?”Rufuslookedmoresurprisedthanupset.“You’rereallydumping

mejustbecauseIaskedyoutobringhomesomethingtoeat?”

“No,it’snotbecauseofthat.”Iwalkedacrosstheroomandperchedontheedgeof

the sofa, clasping my hands in front of me so Rufus wouldn’t see them shaking. “It’s

everything.We’renothappytogetheranymore,Rufus.Idon’tthinkwe’vebeenhappyfor

ages,onlywedidn’twanttofaceuptoit.”

“Is it the guy from the club?” Rufus said, shifting round on the floor to face me.

“Fuckhimifyouwant.Thenwe’llbeevenforallthetimesI’vecheatedonyou.Wedon’t

havetobreakupoveritthough.”

Allthetimes?Okay,thatwasonetofileawayforlater,becausetherehadonlybeen

twicethatIactuallyknewabout.Whenheputitlikethat,Rufusmadeitsoundlikethere

hadbeenatonneoftimesIhadn’tbeenawareof,justlikeAlexhadsuggested.Christ,was

Ireallysoblind?HadIeverreallyknownthemanIlivedwith?

“There’snooneelse,”Isaidtiredly.“I’msorry,Rufus.I’llsleeponthesofatonight

andlookforsomewhereelsetostaytomorrow.”

“Right.”Rufusgottohisfeet,angrynowthathecouldseeIwasserious.“Andhow

amIsupposedtoaffordthisplacewithoutyou?WhatamIsupposedtoliveon?”

“Youmanagedbefore…”

“Ihadajobbefore!”

“Getanotherone.”

“I’vetried.There’snothingoutthere.”

“Thentryharder!”Iwasonmyfeettoonowasweyelledateachother.“Wearnormal

clothesforonce.Stopdyingyourhairpink.Stoptellingemployerstogofuckthemselves

beforeyouevengetintotheinterview!”

“Oh, so all of a sudden you don’t like the way I look? Well, fuck you, Eric. If you

don’twantme,fine!There’splentyofguysouttherewho’dkillforthechancetobewith

me.”

“Good,”Ifiredback.“Gosuckeroneofthemintopayingyourbills.”

I couldn’t stay, not even for one more night. Going into the bedroom, I grabbed a

holdallfromthetopofthewardrobeandbeganstuffingitwithclothes.I’dhavetocome

backformybelongingslateron–andbeforeRufussoldeverythingofvalue–butfornow

IwouldonlytakewhatIneededtoseemethroughthenextcoupleofdays.

“Ithoughtyoulovedme,”Rufussobbedfromthedoorway.

“I do…I did…” I said, unmoved. I’d guessed he would cry next. Tears had always

been his go-to reaction when he couldn’t get his own way. “But you don’t love me,

Rufus.”

“Ofcourse,Ido.”Hedidn’tsaythewords,Inoticed.Nordidhesoundconvinced,as

thoughevenhedoubtedthetruthofwhathewassaying.

“I’msorry,”Isaid.HadIsaidthatalready?Icouldn’tremember.“It’sover,Rufus.”

Ipickedupthebag,grabbedmycarkeysfromthehookbythedoorandwalkedout,

unawarethat,asbadasthingsseemedatthatmoment,theywereabouttogetworse.

Chapter7

Afterwalkingoutoftheflat,I’ddrivenaroundforhours,goingthroughamentallistof

people I could turn to for a place to stay. Funny how it took leaving Rufus to make me

realise how many of my friends had drifted away over the past eighteen months. I had

peoplefromthehospitalwhowouldprobablyputmeupforanightortwo,buttheywere

colleaguesratherthanfriendsandIdidn’tliketoimpose.Outofoptions,Ihadsleptinthe

backofmycarandgoneintoworkearlysoIcouldshowerbeforestartingmyshift.

Rufushadn’tcalled,andwhenIcheckedmyphoneonmybreak,thebatteryhaddied.

Mychargerwasbackattheflat,oneofthemanythingsI’dforgottentopackinmyhaste

to get out of there. I hoped Mason wouldn’t show up again. I didn’t want to see him or

listentohispatheticexcuses.Iwasdonewithmenandrelationships.Therehadtobegood

onesouttheresomewhere,butIwasinnomoodtogoinsearchofthem.

Itwasabusydaywhichturnedouttobeagoodthing.WorkingflatoutmeantIhad

notimetothinkaboutthemessthatwasfastbecomingmylife.Thepatientswereasbad

temperedandsurlyasIwas,sowewerewellmatchedatleast.Therewasanhourofmy

shiftleftwhenthewardsistercameuptome,herfacestern.

“Canyoucomewithmeplease,Eric?”

“Okay.”Ifellintostepbesideher,worried.Sisterhadneverbeenmybiggestfan,I

suspectedbecauseshedisapprovedofmysexuality.Shewasoneofthosehomosexuality-

is-a-choice kind of people and, in her view, it was a bad choice. She was a good boss

thoughandneverallowedherbeliefstolethertreatmeanydifferentlytoanyoneelseon

the ward. Her body language and sharp tone had me on edge. “Did I do something

wrong?”

“There’sbeenacomplaint.”

“One of the patients? Listen, I know I’ve been a bit off today, but I broke up with

Rufuslastnightand–”

“I don’t want to hear it, Eric. Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of

Matron.”

Ialmostturnedandrantheotherwayatthat.AsmuchasSisterdisapprovedofme,

Matronactivelyhatedme.Namely,duetothefactshehadcaughtmeinbedwithhersona

coupleofyearsago.Ihadn’tknownhewasmyMatron’sson.Shehadn’tknownherkid

wasbi.I’dheardhehadasteadygirlfriendthesedays,althoughIstillsawhiminKeane’s

from time to time. Matron preferred to act as though the whole incident had never

happened.Wehadanunspokenagreementthatshewouldignoremeatworkasmuchas

waspossibleandIwouldn’ttellanyoneIhadsleptwithherpreciousson.

Matronwaitedforusinheroffice,herexpressionasgrimasSister’s.Thesilencewas

ominousasshegesturedformetotakethechairacrossthedeskfromher.Sisterwalked

aroundandsat,stiff-backed,inanotherchairnexttoMatron.IhadasuddenfeelingIwas

ontrialandthetwoofthemwerejudge,juryandexecutioner.

“Eric,doyouknowwhyI’vecalledyouin?”Matronasked.Sheavoidedlookingme

intheeye,butmaybeitstillembarrassedherthatshehadseenmeinallmynakedglory.

“Sistersaidtheresomethingaboutacomplaint,”Isaid.IlookedtoSisterforsupport,

notsurprisedwhentherewasnoneforthcoming.“Ican’tthinkofanythingI’vedonethat

mighthaveoffendedanyonethough.”

Matronopenedafilethatlayonthedeskinfrontofherandpretendedtoreaddown

the front page as if searching for details. It was all an act, designed to unnerve me. She

knewexactlywhohadmadethecomplaintandwhy.Shewouldn’thavecalledmeinuntil

shehadallthefactsstraight.Shetappedafingernailagainstalineonthepageandlooked

up,againfocusingonapointsomewhereovermyrightshoulder.IbetSisterdidn’teven

noticethatMatroncouldnotlookatmedirectly.

“We’vereceivedacomplaint,Eric,froma…”Sheconsultedthefileagain.“…aMr

MasonWhite.”

“Masonmadeacomplaintagainstme?Why?”

Matronraisedaneyebrowatmycasualuseofhisfirstname,buthehadbeentheone

whoinsistedIcallhimMason.Noneofthismadeanysense.WasMasonreallythatpissed

offwithmeforrunningawayfromhim?Maybe,despitehisclaimshewantedanormal

life,hissuperstaregocouldn’ttakerejection.Orperhapshewasattemptingtocoverhis

trackssohisboyfriendwouldn’tfindoutwhathehadbeenupto.

“Mr.Whitewasapatientonyourwardrecently,isn’tthatright?”

“You know he was,” I said impatiently. Whatever bullshit complaint Mason had

made,Iwishedshewouldgettothepoint.

“Mr White alleges he awoke during the night to find you standing by his bed,

watching him. He says you insisted on entering into conversation with him, thereby

preventinghimfromgoingbacktosleep.”

“That’snothowithappened!”

“YouwereseenatMrWhite’sbedsidebyseveralofyourcolleagues,Eric.”

“Yes,Italkedtohim,but…”

“Mr White also alleges that you recognised him as a celebrity and have become

somewhatinfatuated.”Fromthedoubtfultoneofhervoice,itwasclearshehadnoclue

who Mason actually was or what he was famous for. “This is an extremely serious

situation,Eric.MrWhitesaysthat,yesterday,youbrokeintohishomeandcorneredhim

inhisbedroomwhilehewasinastateofundress.Ifhispartnerhadn’tarrivedhomewhen

hedid,MrWhitesayshedoesn’tknowhowfaryouwouldhavegone.”

“Ididn’tbreakin!”Iprotested.“Masoninvitedme.”

Matron tutted and jotted a note in the file. She glanced over to where Sister sat

listeningintently,andbothwomenrolledtheireyes.

“Iwasafraidyouwouldsaythat,”Matronsaid.“AccordingtoMrWhite,youbelieve

youhavesomekindofrelationshipwithhim.Apparently,it’saquitecommondelusionin

someonewhohasbecomeobsessed.”

“I am not deluded, obsessed or anything else!” I gripped the edges of my chair so

tightmyknucklesturnedwhite.Thiswasallsowrong.HowcouldMasonsaythosethings

when he was the one who had pursued me? I’d done nothing wrong yet they were

choosing to believe him over me. Why? Because Mason was rich and famous so he

couldn’tpossiblytellalie?OrbecauseneitherMatronnorSisterlikedmeinthefirstplace

andfinallysawachanceofgettingridofme?“IfI’dreallyforcedmywayintohishome,

hewouldhavecalledthepolice,buthedidn’t,didhe?”

“That’s because Mr. White doesn’t want the publicity.” Matron looked down her

rather bulbous nose at me. “And neither does the hospital, which is why you are

suspendedfromyourdutieswithimmediateeffect.”

“Suspended,”Iechoed,stunned.“Forhowlong?”

“For as long as it takes for an investigation to take place, and most likely a

disciplinary.”Shehandedabundleofpapersacrossthedesk.“You’llfindeverythingyou

need in there, including contacts for the Royal College of Nurses should you need legal

advice.”

“Legal advice?” I sounded like a fool, repeating everything she said, but I was in

shock. I’d sat there telling myself this couldn’t be happening, but I saw now that I was

kiddingmyself.Shitjustgotreal,asAlexwouldsay,andIwasinserioustrouble.“What

if…Imean…ifIcouldjusttalktoMason…”

“I would advise you to stay away from Mr White,” Matron said. “I’m given to

understand that Mr White’s legal team will be seeking an injunction to keep you from

goinganywherenearhim.”

Twenty minutes later, I found myself – angry, upset and humiliated – escorted from

the hospital by security. I had nowhere to go. My options had been limited enough to

beginwith,butwhowouldtakemeinnowthatIhadbeenlabelledastalker?Everybody

seemed to think I was guilty, which proved they were not real friends. My true friends

wouldneverbelieveIwascapableofstalkingandforcingmywayintoaperson’shome

uninvited.Thatwastheproblemthough,wasn’tit?Ididn’thaveanytruefriends.Ionly

hadRufusandI’druinedwhatIhadwithhimonawhim.I’dletMasongetundermyskin,

convinced myself I wanted more than Rufus could offer. Only Mason had been playing

somesortofsicklittlegameandhe’dthrownmeunderthebustosavehimself.

I drove blindly, not realising where I was going until I pulled into a parking space

outsideRufus’building.Itwasn’tthatIwantedhimtotakemeback–hewouldn’tanyway

knowingRufus–butseeingasIhadendedupthere,Imayaswellgoinsideandgetsome

moreofmystuff.Myphonechargerwasamust,evenifIhadnowheretoplugitinforthe

foreseeable.

RufusmusthaveseenmecomingbecauseheopenedthedoorbeforeIhadthechance

toknock.

“Youdon’tlivehereanymore,remember?”

“Iknow,Ijust…Ineedsomestuff…myphonecharger…”

“Fine.”Rufussteppedbacktoallowmeinside.“So,whereareyoustayinganyway?”

“Nowhere…Idon’tknow…”Whetheritwasthesightofafamiliar–ifnotentirely

friendly–faceIdidn’tknow,butIburstintosuddenanduncontrollabletears.“IthinkI’m

inrealtrouble,Rufus.”

Foronce,Rufussteppedupandtookcharge.Heguidedmeovertothesofaandbade

mesit,allthewhilemurmuringsoftreassurances.Hetookmyphone,tellingmehewould

plugitintocharge,andhecamebackfromthekitchenafewminuteslatercarryingmugs

ofsteaming,blackcoffee.ItwasasideofhimIhadn’tseenbeforewhichmademeblub

allthemore.

Rufus set the mugs down on the low table in front of the sofa and settled on the

cushionsbesideme.HewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandIwenttohimwillingly,resting

myheadonhisshoulder.

“Comeon.TellUncleRufieallaboutit.”

“I’vebeensuspendedfromwork,”Isniffed,wipingtearsandsnotonmysleevelikea

littlekid.“Ithinkthey’regoingtosackme.”

“”Whatdidyoudo?”

Ihiccupped,astrangecombinationbetweenalaughandasob.Thatwasmorelikethe

RufusIknew,nevergivinganyonethebenefitofthedoubt.He’dstartedoffsowell,butit

wouldn’tbelongbeforehebecamemoreconcernedbyhowmypredicamentwouldaffect

hisownlife.

“Ididn’tdoanything.Itwasallhisdoing,butnowhe’smadeacomplaintand–”

“Waitaminute.”Rufuspushedmeaway,holdingmeatarms’lengthashestudiedmy

face.“Whoisheexactly?Ithoughtyousaidtherewasn’tanybodyelse.”

“Therewasn’t…thereisn’t.”Iavoidedhisgaze,notsurewheretostartandknowing,

whateverIsaid,Rufuswouldthinktheworst.“Youremembertheguyfromthebar?”

“Iknewit!”Rufusleapttohisfeet,furious.“Howlonghasitbeengoingon?”

“Rufus,nothing’sgoingon,Iswear.Hewasinthehospital,onmyward,butitwas

onlyonenight.Wetalkedabitandthatwasit.Then,yesterday,Imissedmybusandhe

happenedtobepassingsoheofferedmealift.Buthedidn’tbringmehome,hetookme

backtohisplace.”

“Didyoufuckhim?”

“No!Butnowhe’ssayingI’mstalkinghimorsomething.”

“Areyou?”

“Christ,Rufus…”Iburiedmyfaceinmyhandsasafreshwaveoftearsthreatened.

Ishouldhaveknownbetterthantoexpectanysupportfromhim.He’dneverputme

first or considered my needs the whole time I’d known him. Whatever else happened, I

should at least thank Mason for making me realise how one-sided my relationship had

been.

There was a knock at the door and I was filled with a sudden sense of foreboding.

“Don’tanswerit.”

Rufusignoredme,ofcourse.Heopenedthedoortoatall,officiouslookingmanina

greysuit.

“EricMontgomery?”

“That’sme,”Isaid,crossingtheroomtostandnexttoRufus.

Themanheldoutanenvelope.Itookitwithshakinghands.

“Mr Montgomery, I’m serving you with legal documents. Information regarding the

case against you is contained within the paperwork itself, so if you have any questions,

pleasecontactthelawyersinvolved.”

I nodded, numb, fighting the ridiculous urge to thank him for his part in destroying

mylife.

Chapter8

Much to my surprise, Rufus let me stay the night. Maybe it was seeing me so utterly

defeated.Maybeheactuallyhadaheartinthatsvelte-likebodyofhis.Hedidn’tsaywhy

and I didn’t ask. Most likely it was because he had broken his own phone charger and

needed to use mine before I left and took it with me. His reasons didn’t matter. I was

simplygratefultohavearoofovermyheadforonemorenight.

I’dbeenrelegatedtothesofa,whichwasfairinthecircumstances.Sleepeludedme

until the early hours of the morning. I spent most of the night going over and over the

papers I had been served. A part of me had clung fast to the hope that this was just one

huge misunderstanding; that Mason wouldn’t really go as far as getting an injunction

whenheknewIhaddonenothingwrong.Seeingitinblackandwhitemadeitallhorribly

real. I couldn’t even talk to Mason about it, because I was forbidden to approach or

contacthim.

HearingRufusupandmovingabout,Ishruggedoffmyblanketandsatup.Todaywas

thefirstdayoftherestofmylife,asthesayingwent.ItwasthedayItookbackcontrol

and sorted myself out. First, I would find somewhere to stay. Then I would contact the

R.U.N.andseewhereIstoodwithmyjobnowthatIhadbeenformallyservedwiththe

injunction. I checked my phone, disappointed but not surprised to see none of my

colleaguesfromthehospitalhadmessagedme.Scrollingdownmycontactlist,mynew-

foundresolvequicklybegantocrumble.AllthosenamesandnumbersandnotoneIcould

turntoforhelpandaplacetostay.Goinghometomymotherwouldbealastresort,butit

wasfastbecomingmyonlyoption.ItwouldmeanleavingLondonforastart,returningto

my small hometown existence, and my mother’s I-accept-you-being-gay-so-long-as-it’s-

not-under-my-roofattitude.

Rufus walked into the room, dressed in a surprisingly drab outfit, his pink hair

combedandflattenedintosubmission.Hecaughtmelookingandrolledhiseyes.

“Ineedajob,thankstoyou,”hegrumbled,“andsomeone told me I needed to tone

downmyimage.”

“I’msorry,Ishouldn’thavesaidthat,”Isaidtiredly.“You’reimageisfine,Rufus.”

“Whatever.Canyougivemealifttothejobcentre?”

“Sure.Whendoyouwanttogo?”

ItwastheleastIcoulddointhecircumstances.IfIhadn’tdecidedtofinishwithhim

on a mad whim, he wouldn’t have to change his appearance or be forced to go out job

hunting.

“As soon as you’re ready.” Rufus shrugged. “I assume you’ll be taking the rest of

yourstuff.”

“Oh,okay.”IguessedthatmeantIwasn’tinvitedbackforanothernightonthesofa

then.“I’ll…um…beasquickasIcan.”

Rufus shrugged again, but didn’t answer. He went into the kitchen to make himself

coffeeorbreakfast,althoughInoticedIwasn’tofferedeither,andIwentintothebedroom

to pack another bag with my belongings. Thankfully, just before we left thirty minutes

later,Irememberedtounplugmyphonechargerfromthesocketinthekitchen.Fromthe

scowlonRufus’face,he’dbeenhopingIwouldforgetit.

Openingthefrontdoor,IsmelledthepaintbeforeIsawit.IstoppeddeadandRufus

gruntedashecollidedwithmeinthedoorway.Heopenedhismouthtoshoutorswearor

any of the one hundred and one other ways Rufus liked to demonstrate his displeasure

withme.Beforehecouldsayanythingthough,hisgazefellonthehatefulworddaubed

acrossthedoorinneonpinkpaintandhiseyeswidenedinshock.

“Eric,whatthefuck…?”

“What?” I said, trying to sound indifferent, although inside my heart was pounding

likeasledge-hammeragainstmyribcage.“It’snotlikewedidn’tknow.”

Queer.Fag.Poofter.Bender.Therewasn’taderogatorynameIhadn’tbeencalledin

mytime,althoughsplashingitacrossmyfrontdoorwasanewwayofgettingthemessage

across. I didn’t care. Sticks and stones and all that shit. It was different for Rufus. He’d

beenbeatenupandputinhospitalbeforeforbeingthewayhewas.Yes,hewasloudand

flamboyant with his pink hair and colourful clothes, but it was all for show. Underneath

theoutlandishexterior,hewasnowherenearasself-assuredashelikedpeopletobelieve.

Hishomewashissanctuary;hissafehaven.Forsomeonetoattackustherewasboundto

shakehimup.

“Isthisbecauseofthatguy?”Rufusaskedtremulously.

“No, he doesn’t even know where I live,” I said, not wanting to believe Mason had

anythingtodowiththis.

“Heknewwheretosendtheprocessserver.”

That was his legal team, I wanted to argue, but then lawyers were not likely to run

around at night, daubing homophobic graffiti on people’s doors, were they? Nor were

internationallyfamousrockstars,Ireasoned,althoughtheirjealousboyfriendsmightbe.

“Itwasn’tMason,”Imuttered,gatheringupmybags.

“Oh,soyou’renotstalkinghim,butyouaredefendinghim?”Rufussneered.“You’re

stillputtingtheguywhotookaninjunctionoutagainstyouoveryourboyfriend.”

“I’mnotdefendinghim.Andyou’renot–”

Forthesecondtimesinceleavingtheflat,IstoppedabruptlyandRufuscannonedinto

me.IfIthoughtthedoorwasbad,itwasnothingcomparedtomycar.Allfourtyreswere

slashed, the windscreen and hood coated with several litres of the same paint that

decoratedthedooroftheflat.Theword“cocksucker”stretchedalongthedriver’ssideof

the vehicle. Someone had taken their time destroying my beloved car, yet apparently,

nobodyhadseenorheardathing.Howcouldourneighbourshavepasseditastheyleft

forwork,tooktheirkidstoschoolorwalkedtheirdogs,andnotoneofthemthoughtto

knockandthedoorandtellmemycarhadbeenvandalised?

“I’llgetthebus,”Rufussaidstiffly.“I’mnotgoingtoletyoudragmeintothis,Eric.

I’dratheryoudidn’tcomebackhereagain.”

He walked away, head bowed. I couldn’t blame him for feeling the way he did,

especially when he was right. This was my problem, not his. My big problem. I had

nowheretogo.Nobodytoturnto.Evensleepinginmycarwasnolongeraviableoption.

WhereverIwent,Iwouldn’tbeabletocarryallmystuff.Iopenedtheboot–theonlypart

of the car not covered in paint – and sorted through my belongings, transferring what I

thought I would be most likely to need into one bag. I hated having to leave everything

elsebehind,butIfiguredthecarwasalreadytrashedsoitwouldprobablybesafeenough.

I should have called the police, perhaps, but I doubted they would be interested,

especiallyoncetheydiscoveredI’dbeenservedwithaninjunction.Nobodyreallycaredif

somebodypaintedarudewordonagayboy’scar.They’dprobablythinkIdeserveditand

–ifIpointedthefingerofblameatMasonWhite–they’dlaughthemselvesstupid.They

mighteventhinkIhaddoneitmyselftogetbackatMasonforrejectingme.

As I walked past the local newsagent I saw, however, that Mason obviously didn’t

givea damn. Therewere pictures ofhim on the frontof several ofthe tabloids. While I

hadbeenbreakingmyheartandgettingservedlegalpaperstokeepmeawayfromhim,he

had been in Leicester Square, at the opening night of one of his famous buddies’ new

films.Istoppedandstaredatthepictures,wonderingifthatcountedasbreakingtheterms

of the injunction. Mason was dressed all in black, a stylish pair of shades covering his

eyes even though it was night. He looked dark and brooding, every inch the rock star.

Behindhim,Liam–thenot-boyfriendwhostillgottoaccompanyhimtofilmpremieres–

gazedupatMasonadoringly.

Fresh tears stung my eyes and I brushed them away angrily. I was done crying. I’d

wastedtoomuchtimeweepingoverMason-bloody-White,andnotbecausehe’dhurtmy

feelings,butbecausehe’ddeliberatelysetouttoruinmyrelationship,mycareerandmy

life.IfIcried,itwasthroughanger.ItwasallagametoMasonandeachtearspentwas

anothermarkonthescoreboardforhim.Well,nomore.Hecouldplayhissicklittlegames

withsomeoneelsefromnowon.Iwasgoinghometomummy,tolickmywounds,rebuild

myconfidenceandstartmylifeagainsomewherenew.FuckMasonWhite.Iwastaking

backcontrol.

IhadjustenoughmoneyleftinmybankaccounttogetatrainasfarasOxfordand

Mum,Iwassure,wouldpickmeupfromthestation.Shedidn’tlikedrivingintothecity,

but she would probably be so pleased to hear I had finished with Rufus she would be

willingtomakethesacrifice.Ipulledmyphonefrommypocketandjumpedslightlyasit

startedtoringbeforeIhadthechancetofindMum’snumber.Thescreensaid“Stefan”,

butwhyonEarthwouldStefancallme?Ionlyhadhisnumberinthefirstplacebecause

RufushadaddedittomycontactssohecouldusemyphonetoringStefanwhenhedidn’t

haveanycredit.

“Hi, Stefan,” I answered warily, deciding he had probably called to yell at me for

dumpingRufus.Hehadtoknow,beingthefirstpersonRufuswouldhavetold.

“Eric.”Stefansoundedstrange,reticentalmost,asthoughhewasnottoosureabout

what he was going to say. “I just spoke to Rufus. He told me what happened with the

graffitiandyourcar.”

“Yes,well…”Isaid,pointlessly,notentirelysurewhetherhewasofferingsympathy

orchastisement.StefanhadbeenaroundwhenRufuswasattackedbyAlex’soldgang.He

wouldknowhowdeeplysomethinglikethiswouldaffecthisfriend.

“Areyouokay?”

“I’m still standing.” I shrugged, also pointless as Stefan couldn’t see me. “I take it

youknowwesplitup?”

“Rufussaidyou’vebeencheatingonhim.”

Ididn’tanswer.Whatwastheretosay?Ihadn’tcheated,butIwassureRufuswould

alwaysbelievethatIhadinthesamewayhestillbelievedAlexhadbeenamongthegang

thatgay-bashedhim.Alexhadprovedhisinnocencebeyonddoubt,butRufusrefusedto

acceptit.

“Eric,areyoustillthere?”IheardAlex’sdeeprumbleinthebackgroundalthoughI

couldn’tmakeouthiswords.“Alright,I’maskinghim!”Stefansaid,Iassumedspeaking

toAlexratherthanme.“Listen,Eric,Idon’tknowwhatyourplansare,butifyouneed

somewheretostayAlexsaidyoucancomehere.”

“Staywithyou?”Well,thatwasaturnupforthebooks.AnditwasAlexdoingthe

asking.Whatwasthatallabout?AsfarasIknew,Alexdidn’tevenlikeme.NotthatAlex

particularlylikedanybodywhowasn’tStefan.“Idon’t…Imean…youhaven’tgotroom,

haveyou?”

“No,you’dhavetosleeponthesofa,butit’sonlyforafewdays,right?”

“I don’t know, Stefan.” Was there any point in going all the way to Weymouth?

Nothingwasgoingtochangeinthecourseofafewdays.I’dstillhavenohomeandno

jobattheendofit,oranymoneylefttogetthetrainhometoMum.“Iwasgoinghome

to…”

Stefan must have had me on speaker phone because the next thing I knew, Alex’s

grufftoneblastedintomyear.

“Fuckgoinghome.You’recominghere.”

“Alex,thankyou,butIcan’t.Mycar…”

“Getatrain.Letmeknowwhattimeyou’regettingintoWeymouthandI’llpickyou

upfromthestation.”

“Alex,I…”

“Shutthefuckupandgetonthedamntrain.”

“Alex…”

He hung up on me. That was the thing with Alex Gill. There was no arguing with

him. If, for whatever reason, Alex had decided I was going to Weymouth then…I was

going to Weymouth. The choice was no longer mine to make and I wouldn’t put it past

AlextohuntmedownanddragmetherekickingandscreamingifIdidn’tdoashesaid.

Withthatinmind,Ifoundacashpoint,withdrewthelastofmymeagrefunds,andset

offforWaterlootocatchatraintothecoast.

Chapter9

As promised, Alex and Stefan were waiting for me outside the station. Despite the fact

theyhadaskedmetocometoWeymouth,neitherofthemlookedparticularlypleasedto

see me. Not that Alex ever looked pleased to see anyone, but even Stefan struggled to

raiseasmile.HewasRufus’sfriendmorethanmine.Maybehefeltguiltyatofferinghelp

whenIhadsupposedlydonethedirtyonhisbestmate.Ihadthedistinctfeelingmybeing

therewasAlex’schoiceratherthanStefan’s.

“I haven’t got much money,” I said apologetically, as we walked to where they had

parkedthecar.“ThetrainwassixtyquidandIonlyhadeightyinthebank.Youcanhave

mylasttwentythough,ifithelps.”I’dworryaboutaffordingthetraintoOxfordwhenit

cametoit.MymothermightevenstumpupthemoneyifIbeggedhardenough.

“Keepit,”Alexsaid.“Weinvitedyouhere,remember?”

“Orderedhimmorelike,”Stefangrumbled,buttherewasnorealmaliceinhisvoice.

ItlookedasthoughIwascorrectinmyassumptionthatthiswasallAlex’sidea.“ButBoo

isright,Eric.Youhangontoyourmoney.”

“Boo?”AlexandIquestionedatthesametime.

“What?I’mjusttryingitout.”Stefangavehisfiancéeaninnocentsmile.“Ithinkit

suitsyou,mybigBoo-bear.”

“OhGod,itgetsworse,”Alexbreathed.“Justgetinthecar,Stef,andsparemethepet

names.”Heglancedovertheroofofthecaratme,narrowinghiseyes.“Youcanshutup,

aswell.”

WeleftthetowncentreandheadedouttowardWeymouthBaywhereStefanandAlex

lived in their small apartment over Alex’s boss’ garage. We’d only gone halfway when

StefantoldAlextopullupoutsideasmallgrocerystoresohecouldgetsomethingforus

alltoeat.

“I’m coming with you,” Alex said, putting the car in to park and unfastening his

seatbelt.

“Alex,thestorehasthreeaislesandaseventyyearoldwomanbehindthetill.Ithink

I’llbesafe.YoustayandtalktoEric.”StefanleanedovertokissAlexonthecheekbefore

slippingoutofthecar.“IfI’mnotbackintenminutes,thenyoucancomeandrescueme.

YouknowwhatGraceislikewhenshegetstalking.”

He sashayed his way into the store, stylish and attractive in a far more understated

fashionthanRufuseverseemedcapableofachieving.Alexwatchedhimgowithafrown.

He, more than anyone, knew there were people out there who would threaten or hurt

Stefanbecauseofthewayhelooked.Acoupleofyearsago,beforefallinginlovewitha

manhimself,itwouldhavebeenAlexdoingthehurting.

“CanIaskyousomething?”

Alexnoddedinresponsetomyquestion,hisdarkeyesneverleavingthedoorofthe

shop.

“Whyareyoudoingthis?Helpingme,Imean.”

“TopissRupertoff.”AsmallsmiletuggedatthecornerofAlex’smouth.“Because

youneededsomewheretogoandsomeonetohelpyou.”Hepaused.“Butmainlyit’sto

pissRupertoff.”

“Hisname’sRufus.”

“Iknowwhathisnameis.Ijustdon’tcare.Neverhave.Neverwill.”

Silence filled the car again. Alex tensed as two guys neared the shop, only relaxing

againoncetheywerepastthecarandsafelyontheirwaydowntheroad.Ifoundmyself

watching the door as closely as Alex, willing Stefan to appear and save me from the

awkwardness.

“Have you heard of a band called Arcadia?” I asked, trying to think of a way of

startingaconversation.Theymightnotbemylisteningchoice,butmightwellbeAlex’s.

Alex’s answer was to press a button on the dashboard. The inside of the car was

suddenlyawashwiththethrumofelectricguitarsandaheavydrumbeat.Mason’sdeep,

gravelled voice ground out lyrics about choosing between Heaven and Hell for love.

Damn,I’dhadnoideahowgoodhewas.Alexwaiteduntiltheendofthesongandturned

themusicoffagain.

“Why?”

Amanoffewwordsasever,butItookittomeanwhywasIaskingaboutArcadia.

“Mason…MaceWhite…he’stheguyfromKeane’s.”

Alex turned in his seat to stare at me. “Fuck off. There’s no way Mace White is a

fairy.”

“Whynot?You’reone,”Iremindedhim.

“True.”Hesettledbackinhisseat,drumminghisfingersagainstthesteeringwheel

impatiently as he waited for Stefan. “I’d heard he was taking a break from touring and

bought a club somewhere. Didn’t put two and two together though. Mace White, eh? Is

thatreallywhoyouwereseeing?”

“Iwasn’tseeinghim…andIcertainlywasn’tstalkinghim.”

“Rodneysaysyouwere.”

“Rodneywould,”Imuttered,relievedtoseeStefanemergefromtheshopandhurry

backtothecar.

We were home ten minutes later. The apartment over the garage was fine for two

people, nowhere near big enough for three. It was basically one long room, with a

kitchenetteatoneendandasmallbathroominthefarcorner.AlexandStefan’sbedwas

behindabalsawoodscreen,buttherewasnodoor,makingmehopetheycouldkeeptheir

handsoffeachotherwhileIwasthere.Iwouldheareverythingand–fromthesofa–I

wouldbeabletoseefarmorethanIwantedtoaswell.Iftheykepttheplaceneatandtidy

itwasbecausetheyhadnochoice.Therewasnoroomformess.Clotheswerekeptintwo

sets of drawers, and there was a battered sofa against one wall, an old TV against the

other.

Itmademefeelsadagain.StefanandAlexhadnexttonothing,yettheywerehappy

because they had each other. I envied them. I’d had everything with Rufus, but had we

everbeentrulyhappy?Inthebeginningperhaps,butcertainlynotrecently.

Stefancookedpizzaandgarlicbread,whichweatewhilewatchingStefan’sfavourite

soaps. Alex seemed to know a lot about the characters and storylines for someone who

claimednottobeinterested.BothStefanandIteasedhimabouthavingaguiltypleasure

and Alex blustered his way through a half-hearted denial which ended with us all

laughing.

Briefly, I was able to forget what a disaster my life had become. It didn’t last long

however.AsthelastnotesofCoronationStreetfadedaway,Stefanturnedanddemandeda

full explanation for the way I had treated Rufus. I saw Alex’s jaw tighten and thought,

whilehemightnotbeonmysideexactly,hewouldn’tbeasquickasStefantotakeRufus’

wordasgospel.

ItwasnotasthoughIhadanythingtolose–Weymouthseemedasgoodaplaceas

anytobeunemployedandhomelessiftheykickedmeout–soItoldthemeverything.I

startedatthebeginning,meetingMasonthatfirsttimeinKeane’swithoutknowingwho

hewasorthathehadjustboughttheclub,andaboutMasonbeingapatientonmyward.I

told them how he had waited for me to finish work, across the road from the bus stop.

Stefan asked a good question, and one that I couldn’t believe I had never thought of

before:HowhadheknownwhattimeIfinishedandthatIdidn’thavemycarthatday?

Had tracking me down that day been part of his game plan? God, he must have been

laughingontheinsidewhenIhadgivenintohimsoeasily.

Despairingatmyownstupidity,Icontinuedmytaleofwoe,tellingStefanandAlex

how Mason had taken me back to his swanky apartment above the club, and how he’d

faked a fall in order to lure me into his bedroom, which was where his boyfriend was

obviouslysupposedtofindus.Ifinishedwiththesadstoryofbeingsuspendedfromwork

afterMasonlodgedacomplaint,theinjunction,andthenwakingupthenextmorningto

find my car trashed. I even mentioned the photograph I had seen in the newspaper that

morning,ofMasonlivingitupontheredcarpetwithhisboyfriend.

“Isawthattoo,”Alexrumbled.Helumberedtohisfeet.“Stayhere.”

LikeIhadanywheretogo…

“ThisMasoncreepsetyouup!”Stefansaid,incredulous.

“Ithinkso,althoughIcan’timaginewhyhe’dwantto.Imean,whyme?Whatdoes

hegetoutofruiningmylife?”Stefanshookhishead,equallyataloss.“Buthemademe

realiseonething,whateverRufusfeelsforme,it’snotlove,isit?”

“Rufus is complicated,” Stefan said. “I’m not sure he’s capable of really loving

anyone,notevenhimself.”

I nodded, realising that Stefan was right. Rufus would never be happy in a

relationship with anyone because, underneath it all, he wasn’t happy with the person he

was.

“How many times did he cheat on me?” I saw Stefan start to shake his head, not

because he didn’t know but rather he didn’t want to say. “It’s okay, Stefan, I’ve already

figuredoutitwasmorethanthetwiceIknewabout.”

“Whatyouhavetounderstand,”Stefansaidawkwardly,“isthatRufusgetshissense

of self-worth from men finding him sexually attractive. He wants to feel valued and

wanted,evenifit’sjustforonenight.”

“Ivaluedandwantedhimforeighteenmonths!”

“Iknowthat.SodidRufus.Iguess…Iguessyoujustweren’tenough…”

“Stef, move,” Alex barked in his usual charming manner. Stefan scurried out of the

way,watchinginsurpriseasAlexdroppedontothesofabesidemewithanopenlaptopin

hishands.“Thisthepicture?”Inodded.“Okay,tellmewhatyousee.”

IglancedatStefanforhelp,butheseemedasbemusedbyAlex’sbehaviourasIwas.

“I see a man enjoying a night out with his boyfriend,” I said stiffly, trying to ignore the

stabofbitternessIfeltwhenlookingatthephotoofMason.“Why?Whatdoyousee?”

“Iseeaguywholooksabitofaprickwearingsunglassesinthedark,”Alexsaid,“so

whyishewearingthem?”

“I don’t know.” I was confused, unable to get the point Alex was trying to make.

“Becauseheisaprick?”

“Maybe,” Alex admitted with a wry smile. “Or maybe he’s hiding his eyes because

they’re red from crying, or because he’s got bags and shadows under them from lack of

sleep. Look at him, Eric. Does he look happy to you? Or pleased with himself because

he’sfuckingwithyourlife?”

“No,”Iconcededgrudgingly.“ButLiam…that’stheboyfriend…youhavetoadmithe

lookshappyenough.”

“Whichoneistheboyfriend?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”IstabbedafingeratLiam’ssmugfaceonthescreen.“That’s

him.Isn’titobvious?”

“No,”Alexsaidflatly.“Ifthat’sMason’sboyfriend,Eric,whyishebehindthecrowd

barrier?”

“He’snot…he’s…”

Ileanedovertotakeacloserlookatthepicture.Holyshit,Alexwasright.Liamwas

behindthebarrier,justanotherfaceinthecrowdtoanyonewhodidn’tknowwhohewas.

Masonhadhisbacktohim,effectivelyblockingLiamout.Whyhadn’tIseenitbefore?It

couldn’tbebecauseMasonwasstillinthecloset.HesangsongsaboutgoingtoHellfor

the sake of forbidden love, and he’d bought a gay nightclub, for God’s sake. If people

hadn’tworkeditoutyet,theysoonwould.WhatifMasonhadtoldmethetruthwhenhe

saidLiamwasnothisboyfriend?

No, it didn’t matter. It made no difference to everything else that had happened.

Regardless of whether or not Mason and Liam were together, Mason had still instructed

hislegalteamtogettheinjunction.He’dstillcostmethejobIloved.

“Itdoesn’tchangeanything.”

“Perhapsifyoutalkedtohim…”Stefansuggested.

“Ican’t…theinjunction…Ican’tcontacthim…”

On the padded arm of the sofa, my phone began to ring. The screen flashed up a

numberIdidn’trecognise.Ihesitatedtoanswer,afraiditwouldbemorebadnews.

“Hecouldalwayscontactyouthough,”Alexsaidknowingly.

Chapter10

“Ican’tdoit,”Isaid,thrustingthephoneintoAlex’shand.

Alexswipedhisthumbacrossthescreentoacceptthecall.“What?”hesnappedinthe

mouthpiece.

Notmyusualwayofansweringthephone,butitwasobviouslyAlex’sway.Idon’t

know why I expected anything else. Stefan smiled indulgently and knelt on the floor by

thesofa,restinghisarmsonAlex’slegsasheleanedforwardtolisten.Alexreachedout

automatically,runninghisfreehandthroughStefan’sfine,blondhair.Myheartachedat

the simple gesture and I wondered if I would ever experience that kind of mutual

devotion.

“Oh,it’syou,”Alexsaidscathingly.Hehandedmebackthephone.“It’sRandolph.”

“Shit,”Stefanmuttered,whichwasallthewarningIgotthatRufusdidn’tknowthey

hadaskedmetostaywiththem.

“WhatthefuckareyoudoingatStefan’s?”RufusragedthemomentIliftedthephone

to my ear. “He’s my friend, not yours. If anyone is going to stay with him, it should be

me.”

“I’m here because they invited me,” I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

“Anyway,it’snotjustStefan,isit?Alexlivesheretoo.”

“Well,it’snotfair,”Rufuswhinged.“Youswanningofftotheseasideandleavingme

to cope with everything alone. The neighbours are complaining about your car and the

landlordthreatenedtothrowmeoutifIdidn’tgetthepaintoffthedoor.Whichtookme

hours,bytheway.”

“Rufus,youtoldmetonottocomeback…”

“I know, but I didn’t mean it. You know I can’t cope on my own, Eric. I’ve got no

moneyandnocar.Youeventookthephonecharger.”

Myphonecharger,Iwantedtosay.Mycarandmymoney.Theywerewhathewanted

back–notme.“Rufus,whosephoneareyouusing?It’snotyours.Iknowyournumber.”

Thepausethatfollowedwasalittletoolongforhisanswertobeconvincing.“It’sa

friend’s.Nobodyspecial.”

I wondered if the ‘nobody special’ knew he had been relegated to the friend zone,

probablyaroundthesametimehelentRufushisphone.KnowingRufus,hewaskeeping

theotherguyinreserveuntilhewassureIhadleftforgood.Irubbedonehandovermy

tiredeyes,unabletothinkofanythingtosay.Whatwastheretotalkabout?Thismorning,

Rufushadwantedmegone.Lessthantwentyfoursonhisown,andhewantedmeback.

ButwhatdidIwant?God,ifonlyIknew…

“Eric!” Rufus said sharply, and even on the phone I could sense his impatience.

Although I couldn’t see him, he would scowl and stamp his dainty, little foot, growing

annoyed because he wasn’t getting his own way. Probably, the fact I was the one not

giving in to him would fuel his anger further, because I never said no to him. “Are you

cominghomeorwhat?”

“Icouldn’tevenifIwantedto,”Itoldhim.“Ihaven’tgotthemoneyforthetrain.”

“Oh,forGod’ssake,Eric.I…”

Whatevertheendofthatsentence,Ididn’tgettohearit.Alexleanedoverandcalmly

tookthephoneoutofmyhand.

“Yeah,listen,Rudyard…whatever,Idon’tcare…I’llbringEricbackonSunday,if

it’s what he wants. No, I don’t give a shit what you want…” Alex held the phone away

fromhisearsothatwecouldallhearRufusyellingathim.Alexpulledafaceandstuck

his tongue out at the phone. Stefan put his hand over his mouth, smothering a giggle.

BeforeIcouldstophim,Alexkilledthecall,cuttingRufusoffmid-stream.Hetossedthe

phoneontothecushionbetweenus.“There’snotalkingtosomepeople.”

We took it in turns to use the miniscule bathroom. Honestly, it was a wonder Alex

couldfitintherewithoutgettinghismassiveshoulderswedgedbetweenthewallsitwas

sotiny.Afterward,StefanandAlexretiredtobedbehindthewoodenscreen,andIbuilt

myselfanestofpillowsandblanketsoutofthebeddingthelandlord,Tony,hadsupplied

on loan. It was surprisingly comfortable and I soon drifted to sleep, listening to the low

rumbleofAlex’svoiceandStefan’ssoftgiggles.

I was woken in the early hours by the ringing of a phone. My phone, I realised,

groping groggily on the floor in the dark where I thought I’d left it the night before. I

snatcheditupandpeered,blearyeyedatthenumber.Rufusagain,onhis“friend’s”phone.

Quickly,Iswipedthetouch-screentoanswer,hopingtheringinghadn’twokenAlexand

Stefan.Bothhadworkinthemorningandfarbeitfrommeandmyproblemstodisturb

theirbeautysleep.

“Rufus,”Ihissedintothephone.“Doyouhaveanyideawhattimeitis?”

Apauseandthen–“It’snotRufus.”

“Mason?” I sat up, suddenly wide awake. “How did you…what are you doing with

Rufus’sphone?”

“It’smyphone.”

“You’rethe‘nobodyspecial’?”Ishookmyheadindisbelief.“Howdidyouevenfind

him?”

“Itwasn’teasy,”Masonadmitted.“IhadtoaskroundtheclubuntilIfoundsomeone

whoknewwhereyoulived.Yourboyfriend…”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“Fine.Yourex-boyfriendsaidyou’dmovedout.Littleshitmademepayhimforyour

phonenumber.”

“Howmuch?”WhatwasIworth,Iwondered?HowmuchwouldRufusbewillingto

sellmeoutforaftereighteenmonthstogether?HowmuchwouldMasonpaytofindme

afterseeingmeonlythreebrieftimes?

“Twohundred.”

Okay, now I was more confused than ever. Two hundred pounds seemed a low

amounttobetrayaloverandovertheoddstotrackdownastranger.Ididn’tknowwhether

Ishouldbeinsultedorflattered.

“Hetoldmehe’dputyournumberintomyphone,”Masoncontinued.“Only,thenhe

rangyouwithoutasking,andIguesshepissedyouofforsomething,becauseyouhungup

beforeIcouldgetthephonebackfromhim.”

“I shouldn’t be talking to you anyway.” Was this all part of whatever game he was

playing? For all I knew, he was recording our conversation. It wouldn’t matter what the

context of that conversation was if they had evidence that I had broken the terms of the

injunction.“Whydidyoudoit,Mason?”

“BecauseIwantedtoseeyouagain.IwantedtoexplainaboutLiam.I’dliketohave

this conversation face to face, but I get the feeling you’re not going to tell me where

you’restaying,areyou?MaybeI’llgobackandseeRufus.Findouthowmuchitwould

costtogetanaddressoutofhim.”

“That’snotwhatImeant,”Isaid,realisinghethoughtIwasaskingwhyhe’dgoneto

theeffortandexpenseofgettingmyphonenumber.“Whydidyougettheinjunction?”

“What injunction?” Mason sounded genuinely puzzled. “Eric, I don’t know what

you’reonabout.”

“Givemethephone.”

IlookeduptoseeAlexloomingoverme,holdingouthishand.Asleepy-eyedStefan

hovered behind him. Both were bare-chested, Alex tanned and muscled, Stefan thin and

pale.Alexraisedaneyebrow,isiftosaydon’t-make-me-ask-again,andImeeklyhanded

overthephone.

“MaceWhite?Yeah,Iknowwhoyouare.Bigfan,bytheway,butjustbecauseIlike

yourmusic,itdoesn’tmeanIwon’tkicksevenshadesofshitoutofyouifyoudon’tfuck

offandleaveEricalone.”

I gasped, impressed, horrified and somewhat amused all at the same time. Not only

that…Iwasgratefultoo.Therehadneverbeenanyoneinlifepreparedtostandupforme

thewayAlexGilljusthad.Stefancrawledontothesofabesidemeandwrappedoneofthe

blankets around his shoulders. He looked at me and smiled, before turning his adoring

gazebacktohisboyfriend.

“Who am I?” Alex said into the phone. “I’m Alex Gill… Oh, you’ve heard of me?

Myreputationprecedesme?Good,thenyouknowI’mnotaguyyouwanttomesswith…

No,I’mnotfuckingEric,althoughitwouldn’tbeanyofyourbusinessifIwas.”Stefan

scowledatthat,clearlynotpleasedbyeventheideaofAlexsleepingwithanyoneelse.I

tookhishandandsqueezedit,silentreassurancethatitwasnevergoingtohappen.“Ifyou

liked him that much, why get the injunction?” Alex demanded. “Don’t bullshit me. You

knowwhatinjunction…Well,Isuggestyoutalktoyourfuckinglegalteam,mate…No,

youcan’ttalktohim.Itoldyou,leavehimalone.”

Forthesecondtimethatnight,Alexhungupmyphoneandtosseditontothesofa.

“Fuckingarsehole.Stefan,bed.”Stefanshruggedoffhisblanketandtrottedofftobed

obediently.“Andyou…”Alexpointedtomyphone.“…youanswerthatdamnthingagain

tonightandI’mthrowingitoutthewindow.”

Inoddedmutely,snatchingupmyphoneandcradlingittomychestforprotection.As

Alexstompedbacktobed,Ihelddownthepowerbutton,decidingthatturningitoffwas

probably the safest option. I lay down again, but sleep did not return. I kept going over

Mason’scallinmyhead.Iwantedtobelievehimsobadly,butithardlyseemedfeasible

thathewastellingthetruth.Whatinjunction?He’dsoundedsoconfused,soconvincing.

CoulditbepossibleMasonreallydidn’tknow?But,ifnothim,thenwho?Ithadn’tmade

sense when I’d thought it was Mason behind it all, and now that there was a chance he

wasn’t,itmadeevenless.

Chapter11

Alexgotuparoundseventhirty.Hetriedtomovearoundquietlysoasnottowakeme,but

hewasbigandtheapartmentwassmallso,considerateashisintentionwas,hewasnever

going to succeed. I peered over the edge of the blankets, a little fantasy playing in my

mindthatitwasMasonIwaswatchingratherthanAlex.Theywerecloseenoughinbuild

thatitwaseasytoimagine,especiallywhenAlexhadhisbacktome.Mason’shairwas

longer,aswasbefittinganinternationalrockstar–andperhapsashadedarker.

Not long after Alex left for work, Stefan climbed onto the far end of the sofa and

buriedhimselfbeneathmyblankets.Ishiftedovertomakeroomforhislegs.Hisbarefeet

werelikeiceagainstmyribs.

“You’re worse than Rufus,” I complained, wriggling to get away from him. “And

don’tthinkIdon’tknowwhatyou’redoing.IfAlexcomesbackandfindsusalltuckedup

likethis,he’llkillmeandsaveyouajob.”

“Alextrustsme,”Stefansaid,unconcerned.“HeknowsIwouldn’tcheatonhim.”

“Tellhisjealousstreakthat,”Imuttered.EverybodyknewhowpossessiveAlexwas

whenitcametoStefan.Trueenough,hetrustedStefan,butitwasanymanwhotriedto

getclosetohispreciousfiancéhehadaproblemwith.

“What do you mean, anyway?” Stefan asked, nudging me with his cold foot. “Save

meajobhow?”

“You’reRufus’friendmorethanmine.Iknowyou’dratherhewasherethanme.”

“Ha! Can you imagine?” Stefan let out a peal of laughter. “Rufus wouldn’t last one

nightunderthesameroofasAlex.”

“True.”Isighed.“TheonlyreasonI’mhereinthefirstplaceisbecauseAlexwantsto

windupRufus.”

“Didhetellyouthat?”Stefandidn’tseemsurprised.“Yeah,thatsoundslikeAlex.”

Westayedthatway,curleduponthesofabeneathamoundofblankets,dozingonand

off, until Stefan realised he was going to be late and jumped up in a rush. He dashed

aroundlikeamadthingandthedoorslammedbehindhimnottenminuteslater.

I slept away most of the morning, warm and comfortable in my nest. It had gone

lunchtimebythetimeIwokeanddraggedmyselffrommypit.Iwashedanddressedand

thenwonderedwhatIwassupposedtodowithmyselffortherestoftheday.Sittingand

waitingforStefanandAlextogethomedidn’tseemrightorfair.Theymightappreciate

anhourtothemselveswhentheygotin,withoutanunwantedhouseguestbreathingdown

theirnecks.AndIwasunwanted.Ifitwasn’tforAlex’schildishattempttopissRufusoff,

Iwouldn’tbethere.

Ifoldedmybeddingintoaneatpile,leftanotetosayI’dbebacklater,andsetoutto

explore. Stefan had left me a spare key so I locked the door behind me and started

walking.Judgingbyhowlongithadtakenustogettothehousebycar,Ifigureditmight

takemefortyorfiftyminutestoreachthepromenadeandtheharbour.Theweatherwas

goodandIthoughtitwouldbenicetostrollalongthebeachandlettheseabreezeclear

myhead.

Headingdownthehilltowardtheseafront,IhadonlygoneacoupleofstreetswhenI

sawafamiliarfigure,bentoverwashingthefrontgrillofaRangeRoverontheforecourt

ofagarage.AlexlookedupasIapproached.Hestraightened,droppingthesoapysponge

intoabucketofwater.

“Ithoughtyouwereamechanic,”Isaid,shovingmyhandsintomyjacketpockets.

“Nope.Notcleverenough.”Heshrugged,likeitdidn’tbotherhim.“Iwashcarsfora

living,Eric.Bosscallsitvaleting,butthat’sjustaposhwordforcleaning,isn’tit?”

“Iwasn’ttryingtoputyoudown,”Itoldhimtruthfully.“Ijustdidn’tknow.”

“Whywouldyou?”Alexstoopedtopluckthespongefromthebucket,squeezedthe

waterout,andwentbacktowashingthecar.“YoulothaveonlycaredaboutStef.Noneof

youexactlymadeanyefforttogettoknowme,didyou?”

“I’msorry,”Isaid,ashamedbecausehewasright.Me,Rufus,AmandaandDan,even

Killigan,thecopper–Stefanwaswhoconnectedallofus.Iftruthbetold,notoneofus

had ever really liked Alex. All of us looked at him as if he was nothing more than this

great lump-of-stupid. We wouldn’t have gone anywhere near him if he hadn’t been

Stefan’sboyfriend.“Wenevergaveyouachance,didwe?But,youknowwhat?I’dliketo

gettoknowyounow,ifthat’sokay.Asafriend,ofcourse,notinthebiblicalsense.”

Alexstoppedsoapingthecaragainandstaredatme.“Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans.

See,toldyou.Dumbasfuck.”

“You’renotdumb,Alex.”Heraisedaneyebrow,notsureifIwasserious.Itwassad,

Ithought,thatAlexwasn’taccustomedtopeople–especiallyStefan’sfriends–beingnice

tohim.“Infact,ifyoumustknow,I’mratherjealousofyou.You’vegoteverything.”

“Me?”Alexlaughed.“Lookaroundyou,numbnuts.I’vegotjack-shit.”

“You’re big and you’re strong,” I pointed out. “And you’re…not bad looking, I

suppose.You’vegotajobandahome…whocaresifit’swashingcarsandlivingovera

garage?Mostofall,you’vegotaboyfriendwhoworshipsyou.Iwouldgiveanythingto

haveRufus…”OrMason“…lovemethewayStefanlovesyou.”

“You’llfinditoneday,Eric,butnotwithRufus.Youdeservebetter.”

Ismiled.“Youcalledhimbyhisrealname.”

“Slipofthetongue.”Alexgrinnedbackandwinked.“Won’thappenagain.Nowget

lostbeforeyougetmefired.”

Despitemyworries,IwassmilingasIwalkedalongthebeach,theshinglecrunching

beneathmyfeet.NeverinmywildestdreamsdidIimagineIwouldendupactuallyliking

AlexGill.Sure,hewasrougharoundtheedgesandscaryasHell,buttherewasactuallya

decentguyunderneaththathard-as-nailsexterior.

Eventually,theshingleturnedtogoldensandandIrealisedthereseemedtobemore

people around. Leaving the beach behind me, I made my way up to the promenade and

wandered slowly along the seafront. Lost in my own thoughts, I walked around to the

quaint,littleharbour,stoppingtoadmireacoupleofluxuryyachtsmooredthere.I’dbet

myrightarmthosebeautiescostmoremoneythanI’deverseeinalifetime.Aroundthe

corner from the harbour, I found myself in the High Street. The salon where Stefan

worked was easy to find, but he looked busy when I peered through the window, so I

wavedathimandcontinuedmyaimlesswalking.Beforelong,Iwasbackontheseafront,

closetothepubwhereStefanandAlexheldtheirengagementparty.

On the other side of the street, a small crowd had gathered around a monstrous

motorbike. The sun glinted off the expanse of black and chrome which looked horribly

familiar.Quickly,Ilookedupanddownthepromenade,buttherewasnosignofMason,

andIbreathedasighofrelief.Itwasstupidtothinkhewouldhavetrackedmedownto

Weymouth. Just because Mason had made a joke over the phone about paying Rufus to

tell him where I was staying didn’t mean he would actually go through with it. Yes, the

bike looked the same as Mason’s, but I doubted he was the only person in the entire

countrytoownaValkyrie.Ishookmyheadandchuckledatmyownfoolishness.Iwas

kiddingmyselfifIthoughtlittle,oldmewouldeverbethatimportanttoanyone,letalone

afamousrockstar.

“OhmyGod,canyoubelieveit?”Agroupofteenageboyspushedpastme,blindto

mypresenceintheirobviousexcitement.“ThatwasMaceWhite!Andhespoketous!”

“He’ssocool,”asecondladenthused.“Although,Idon’tgetwhyhe’dcomeallthe

waytoWeymouthtogethishaircut.”

“Just because he went in there, it doesn’t mean he was getting his hair cut,” a third

said.“Hewasprobablyjust…”

Whatever the boy thought Mason was probably just going to do was lost as they

walked out of earshot. Mason was here. He’d gone into a hairdressing salon. Shit, there

was only one that I’d seen on the High Street and that was the one in which Stefan

worked.Thecrazybastardhaddoneit–he’dgotStefan’sdetailsfromRufusandcometo

find me just as he’d threatened. Probably, he had already been out to the flat above the

garage and – finding nobody home – he’d gone in search of Stefan to see if he knew

whereIwas.Funnythingwas,ItrustedStefannottogivemeawayfarmorethantrusted

Rufus. Stefan lived with Alex Gill, for goodness sake. He wouldn’t be so easily

intimidatedbyMason’ssize.

Iwastorn.PartofmewantedtogobacktothesalonandmakesureStefanwasokay,

butIwasafraidI’drunsmackintoMason.TherestofmewantedtorunbacktoAlexand

hidebehindhismuscledtorsountilIknewforsureMasonhadgivenupandlefttownfor

good.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on air, my body sensing Mason’s presence

beforeIsawhim.Iturnedtofindhimstandingbehindme,hisexpressionhopeful.

“Youshouldn’tbehere,”Isaid,foldingmyarmsacrossmyscrawnychestandglaring

athim.

“Fivehundred.”

“What?”Ididn’tknowwhathemeant.Fivehundred?Fivehundredwhat?

“Pounds,”Masonaddedforclarity.“That’showmuchyourexsoldyououtfor.”

“You wasted your money,” I said, annoyed – but not surprised – that Rufus would

provide personal information in exchange for cash. I was also a little bit stunned that

Mason would be willing to pay that much to find me. I guess five hundred pounds was

neitherherenortheretosomeonelikehim.“Youshouldn’tbehere,Mason.Youcan’tjust

turnupunannouncedlikethis.”

Masonsnorted.“Hardlyunannounced.Checkyourphone.Imusthavecalledyouhalf

adozentimesandsenttwiceasmanytextmessages.ItoldyouI’dcomelookingforyouif

youdidn’tanswerme.”

Icursedmyhorriblememoryassoonashesaidit,knowingI’dforgottentoturnmy

phone back on that morning. Even if I had seen his messages though, would I have

answered?Probably,IwouldhaveignoredhimuntilhementionedcomingtoWeymouth

in person, and then I’d have told him not to bother. It was my own stupid fault he was

standinginfrontofmenow.

“Mason,Ican’t…Ishouldn’t…notwiththeinjunction.”

“I sorted it,” Mason said. “I swear, Eric, I didn’t know anything about it. It was

Liam.”

“How?”Iwantedtobelievehim,butitseemedtoofar-fetchedtobetrue.Howcould

aman–whoMasonsworewasnothisboyfriend–makeupliesandgoasfarasgetting

aninjunctionwithoutMason’sknowledge?

“My lawyer, he’s Liam’s cousin. That’s how I met Liam in the first place, through

him.Anyway,JerrythoughtLiamandIweretogether,mainlybecauseLiamtoldhimwe

were.LiamwenttohimandtoldhimaboutthislittleproblemIwashavingwithastalker

andJerrybelievedeveryword.Heknowsheshouldn’thavedoneitwithouttalkingtome

first, but he thought Liam was acting on my behalf. I’ve told him to get the injunction

withdrawnorwhateveritishehastodo.Oh,andIalsotoldhim,ifheeverdoesanything

likethisagain,I’llfirehissorryarseandgetmynewlawyertotakeaninjunctionouton

Liam.He’llbeagoodlittleboyfromnowontoprotecthiscousin.”

“Whataboutmyjob?”

“Yourjob?”Masonfrowned.“Idon’tunderstand.”

“I was suspended, Mason. You…or Liam or your lawyer, I don’t know…made a

complaintaboutmesexuallyharassingyouwhileyouwereapatient.”

“Jesus!”Masonexhaledsharply.“Itwasn’tme,Eric.Youhavetobelievethat.Ididn’t

know.Fuck,Jerryissofiredforthis.JusttellmewhoIneedtotalktoandI’llmakethis

right,Ipromise.”

I took a few deep breaths and studied his face, searching for the lie. We had drawn

quiteacrowdbythatpoint,althoughMasondidn’tseemtonotice.Eitherthatorhesimply

didn’tcarethathewasairinghisdirtylaundryinapublicplace.Maybehe’dforgottenhe

wasfamousandourlittlespatwouldprobablybealloverthenewsbythenextday.Isaw

acoupleofmobilephonespointingourwayandknewforsurewe’dmakeFacebookeven

ifwedidn’tmakethepapers.

“Whatdoyouwantfromme,Mason?”

“Achance,that’sall.”

“Whyme?Youcanhaveanyoneyouwant.”

“Idon’twantanyoneelsethough.You’retheoneIlike,Eric.Please,justsayyou’ll

haveadrinkwithme.”

“Idon’tknow…”

“That’s Mace White, moron,” someone shouted out from the crowd of onlookers.

“He’safuckingrockgod.Sayyes.”

“Thanks,”Masonsaid,lookingaroundwithaboyishsmile.“Butrightnowit’sMason

White,barowner,doingtheasking.”

“Sowhat?”anothervoiceanswered.“Heshouldstillsayyes.”

AmurmurofassentrippledthroughthecrowdandIduckedmyhead,blushing.Was

thisreallyhappening?Masonwasaskingmeoutinfrontofanaudienceanditseemedall

of them were on his side. It made it hard to say no and put myself at risk of mob

disapproval.

“Where?”Isighed,defeated.

Masongrinnedasthecrowdcheeredandasmatteringofapplausebrokeout.“Anyone

knowofagoodplacearoundheretotakeaguyonafirstdate?”heaskedloudly,laughing

as a barrage of suggestions were instantly thrown at him. He looked back at me, before

jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. “How about here? Eight o’clock tonight. If it makes

youfeelbetter,youcanbringyourfriendsalong.”

“Okay,” I said, resigned to my fate. “But, honest to God, Mason, if you’re lying to

me…”

“I’mnot,”Masonrepliedquickly.Hehelduphishandsdefensively.“But,Iswear,ifI

dotheslightestthingwrong,youcansettheinfamousAlexGillonme.”

“Okay,”Isaidagain,unabletohidemysmile.

“Eighto’clock.”Masonwaggedafingerinmyface.“Don’tbelate.”

Iwatchedhimambleacrossthestreettohisbikeasthoughhedidn’thaveacarein

theword.Ibeganthelongwalkhome,alreadywonderingwhattheHellIwassupposedto

wear to what I suspected was going to be a very public date. What the fuck had I got

myselfinto?

Chapter12

Itwasnosurprisetofindthepubpackedtotherafterswhenwearrivedfashionablylate

thatevening.WordhadobviouslyspreadthatMaceWhitewasintownandabouttogoon

averypublicdatewithanotherman.TheplacefellsilentasIwalkedin,flankedbyAlex

and Stefan, so clearly there were some there who recognised me from earlier and knew

thatIwastheoneMasonwaswaitingfor.Thecrowdpartedlikeabiblicalsea,andMason

appeared,hisgazeunwaveringashewalkedtowardme.

“Closeyourmouth,”Stefanwhisperedinmyear.“You’redrooling.”

Isnappedmyjawshut,embarrassed.But,damn–Masonlookedgoodenoughtoeat.

Hewasdressedsimply,indarkjeansandatight,v-neckedT-shirtthataccentuatedevery

ridgeofhismuscledtorso.Hesmiledandmyeyesweredrawntohisfulllipsandeven,

whiteteeth.Fuck,theguywasperfect.

“Thankyouforcoming,”hesaidquietly.“Igotusatableoverthere.”

HeheldouthishandandItookitwithouthesitation,feelingslightlyoverwhelmedby

all the attention. Alex cleared his throat pointedly, and Mason finally dragged his eyes

awayfrommyfaceandacknowledgedmyfriends.

“You must be Stefan.” Mason smiled warmly at Stefan, who nodded and blushed.

“WhichmakesyouAlex.”

MasonofferedhisfreehandforAlextoshakewhichAlexignored.Icouldpractically

smellthetestosteroneastheyeyedeachotherupanddown,thewarmthandfriendliness

slippingfromMason’sstance.

“We’llgetdrinks,”Stefansaidbrightly,grabbingholdofAlex’sarm.“Coke,Eric,or

somethingstronger?”

“Coke’sfine,”Ianswered,determinedtokeepaclearheadaroundMason.Theman

wastemptationenoughwithoutlosingmyinhibitions.

“Iopenedatab,”Masonsaid.“Drinksareonme,guys.”

“Thanks,butIpaymyownway,”Alexsnappedback.

Ibegantowonderifbringinghimwasagoodideaashepushedhiswaythroughthe

crowdtothebar,Stefanclosebehindhim.AlexwouldbegreattohavearoundifIneeded

protecting, but I hadn’t expected him to be quite so aggressive toward Mason from the

outset.

“Helikesme,Icantell,”Masonjokedaswesettledatthetablehehadreservedinthe

corner.

“Idon’tthinkhelikesanyonereally,apartfromStefan.”

“There you go then. We have something in common. We both have a penchant for

little,blondtwinks.”

“Iamnotatwink!”Isaidhotly.“NorisStefan.”

“Ididn’tmeanany…”

“Youjudgehimonhislong,blondhair,tightjeansandpixieboots,andyouhaveno

ideahowtoughheisunderneathorwhatheandAlexwentthroughtobetogether.”

“Whoa!”Masonhelduphishandsdefensively.“I’msorry.You’reright.Butit’snot

thosetwogettingtogetherIwanttoknowabout.I’mmoreinterestedinhowwecanget

together.”

“Well,youcanstartbynotcallingmeatwink,”Igrumbled,notwillingtoforgivehim

tooeasily.

Mason looked crestfallen, as though things were not going quite the way he had

planned.“Igotyouyourjobback,”hesaidplaintively.

“Youshouldn’thavelostitformeinthefirstplace!”

MatronhadcalledacoupleofhoursafterIhadseenMason,totellmethecomplaint

hadbeenwithdrawnandIcouldreturntoworkwithimmediateeffect.I’dtoldherthatI

wasawayforafewdaysandshehadagreedIcouldreturnthefollowingMondaywithno

hardfeelings.Notonherpartmaybe,buttherewereplentyonmine.HowcouldInotbe

resentful of the fact they had been so quick to suspend me on a trumped up complaint?

Rationally,IknewnoneofitwasdirectlyMason’sfault,buteverythingthathadhappened

wasbecauseofhim.Hehadtotakeatleastpartoftheblame.

“Listen, Eric…” Mason sighed, and rubbed a hand over his face wearily. “When

you’rerichandfamous,yougetusedtohavingeverythinghandedtoyouonaplate.I’m

notusedtohavingtoworkforthethingsIwant.”

“I’mnotathinganymorethanI’matwink,”Isnapped.“Andifchasingmehalfway

acrossthecountryissuchaninconvenience,whyareyouevenbothering?”

“Willyouletmeexplain?Please?”Heleanedforward,foldinghishandsonthetable.

“WhatI’mtryingtosay–badly,apparently–isthatIdon’tknowhowtodothiscourting

thing.I’mgoingtogetitwrongattimes;sayanddothewrongthing…”Hestopped,as

surprisedasIwasmyselfwhenIlaughed.“What?DidIsaysomethingfunny?”

“Courting?”Igiggled.“Whothefucksayscourting?”

“I do, obviously. Call it what you want – courting, wooing, romancing, dating. My

pointis,I’mnotverygoodatit.ButIwanttobe.Iwanttotry.Foryou.”

AlexandStefanchosethatmomenttoarriveatthetable,savingmefromanswering.

StefanputmydrinkinfrontofmeandglancedbetweenmeandMasonnervously.

“Everythingokay?”

“Everything is fine,” I said, as they sat down, Alex tugging Stefan’s chair closer to

him.“Masoniswooingme.”

“He’sdoingwhat?”AlexglaredatMasonsuspiciously,whichcausedmeandStefan

todissolveintofitsoflaughter.

Itbroketheice,atleast,andweallrelaxedalittle.Asdateswent,ithadtobeoneof

thestrangestIhadeverbeenon.Therewasasteadystreamofpeoplecomingtothetable

tosayhellotoMason,andhehadasmileandafriendlywordforallofthem.Iwondered

howwemustlooktotheotherpeopleinthepub;twohuge,muscled,dark-hairedguysand

two short, skinny, blonds. Nobody batted an eyelash at the fact Mason and I were on a

dateorthatAlexandStefanweresoobviouslyacouple.Wedidn’tgetthechancetotalk

much, but every few minutes, Mason would look over and flash me the kind of

devastatingsmilethathadmeweakattheknees.

“Sorry,”Stefanwhispered,leaningoversoonlyIcouldhearhim.“It’snotturningout

tobemuchofadate,isit?”

“It’sfine.”IglancedoverthetabletowhereMasonandAlexwerediscussingmusic

between fans. “It’s nice, actually. I like that I can sit back and watch, and find out what

kindofpersonheis.”

“Yeah, I really think he’s one of the good guys, Eric.” Stefan’s eyes shone with

happinessashegazedatAlex.“ThewayheiswithAlex…mostpeopledon’tgivehima

chance.”

Asiftheysensedweweretalkingaboutthem,MasonandAlexturnedtolookatus.

“Alex’sfavouriteArcadiaalbumisRiseoftheWarlord.”Masonarchedaneyebrow.

“Whichisyourfavourite,Eric?”

“Oh, I…um…” Shit, was he serious? Did he really expect me to have rushed home

andlistenedtohisentirebackcataloguethemomentIfoundoutwhohewas?“Ididn’t…I

mean,Ihaven’t…”

“See?”Masongrinned,turninghisattentionbacktoAlex.“ThisiswhyIlikehim.He

doesn’tgiveashithowfamousIamorhowmuchmoneyIhave.”

“Yeah,”Alexsaidgrudgingly,notrealisinghewasechoingStefan’swordsfromafew

minutesbefore.“He’soneofthegoodguys.”

Mason signalled to the barman for another round of drinks, and this time Alex

accepted graciously, without arguing over who paid. Another little flurry of people

droppedbythetabletosayhitoMasonandgethisautograph.Masonwillinglysignedall

mannerofobjectsputinfrontofhim,andjokedaboutitallbeingoneBaybymidnight,

with the exception of one’s woman’s left breast. Stefan and I, being pure, twenty-four

caratgays,hadbothlookedawayinhorrorwhenshefloppedonehuge,milky-whiteboob

outinMason’sface.MaybeMasonwasusedtoit,butitdidn’tseemtobotherhim.

“Isitalwayslikethis?”Iasked,whentherewasalullbetweenfans.

“Prettymuch.”Masonpulledhischairclosertomine.“I’msorry,Eric.Iguessasking

yououtsopubliclywasn’toneofmybetterideas.”

“Itdoesn’tmatter,”Isaid.“ButIthinkI’mreadytocallitanight,Mason.”

“Please don’t.” He reached over to grab my hand, his brow furrowing into a frown.

“Look,IknowI’vemessedthisup,butpleasedon’tgiveuponmejustyet.Comebackto

my hotel, Alex and Stefan too,” he added quickly, seeing I was about to refuse. “It’s

private.Wewon’tbebotheredbyanyone.Please,Eric,givemeonemorechancetomake

thisright.”

“I’mnotsure…”IlookedtoStefanandAlex,seekingtheiropinion.Theyshruggedin

unison,non-committal.Fatlotofhelptheywere!“Onedrink,”Isaid,witharesignedsigh.

“Andinthebar,notyourroom.”

“Ihaveasuiteactually.”Masonflashedmehisbestshit-eatinggrin.“Butyourwishis

mycommand,oh-gorgeous-one.”Hepulledanexpensivelookingphonefromhispocket.

“I’llgettheguystobringthecararound.”

Whatguys?Whatcar?Ithoughthe’dtravelleddowntoWeymouthonhisbike.Stefan

andAlexlookedasequallypuzzledasIwasfeelingrightatthatmoment.Afewmoments

afterMasonmadehiscall,StefanpaledandshrankintoAlex’sside.Iturnedtofindthe

causeofhisconcernandsawtwohugemenwalkingtowardus.Withtheirmatchingclose-

cropped hair styles, t-shirts and jeans, they reminded me of Alex’s former friends and

gang members. No wonder Stefan was disturbed at the sight of them. He and Alex had

bothnearlydiedatthehandsofAlex’sgang.

“Thecarisoutside,MrWhite.”

Masonthankedthemandgottohisfeetbeforerealisingtherewasaproblem.

“You don’t have to worry about them,” he said, waving a hand at the two man-

mountainsstandingbetweenusandthedoor.“Mymanagementflippedwhentheyfound

out I’d taken off on my own and they sent the Goon Squad here to watch my back. No

offence,”headdedtohissecuritydetail.

“Nonetaken,MrWhite,”GoonOneansweredstoically.

“Alex,Iwanttogohome.”Stefanlookedatmeapologetically.“Sorry,Eric.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Was I relieved or disappointed not to be going back to

Mason’s hotel with him? At that precise moment, I wasn’t entirely sure which was the

uppermostfeeling.

“Youcanstillgoifyouwant,”Stefanadded.

“Oh,Idon’tknowifthat’sagoodidea…”

“Please,Eric.OnedrinkandthenI’llhavetheguysdriveyouhome,”Masonpleaded.

Alex answered for me, one arm wrapped tightly around Stefan. “One drink,” he

growled. “You lay a finger on him without his permission and I will come looking for

you.”

The two goons bristled at the threat to their boss, but Mason waved them away,

seeminglyunperturbedbyAlex’sthreat.“Igiveyoumyword,you’llgethimbackinone

piece.”

Mason held out his hand and this time Alex condescended to shake. I felt like they

were making some kind of deal over me and thought I should probably be offended. I

wasn’t though. It was nice that Alex was so protective over me considering I never

thoughthelikedmemuch.Itwasnice,too,thatMasonstillwantedtospendtimewithme,

eventhoughIhadbeenfarfromenthusiasticabouttheideasofar.Onedrink,Ipromised

myself,andanopportunitytotalktoeachother;gettoknoweachotheralittlewithoutthe

attentiveaudience.

Wefollowedthe goons…bodyguards,whatever…fromthe bartofind asleek,black

Jaguarparkedatthekerb.StefanandAlexsaidgoodnightandwalkedoff,handinhand,to

where Alex had parked his own car. Mason opened the car door and smiled at me

hopefully.Itookadeepbreathandclimbedintothebackseat,hopingtoGodIhadmade

therightdecision.

Chapter13

Moonfleet Manor was an elegant Georgian manor house about five miles outside of

Weymouth,andoverlookingChesilBeachandFleetLagoon.Tomeitlookedlikethekind

ofestablishmentthatchargedyouforwalkingthroughthefrontdoor,thekindofplaceI

couldneverhopetoaffordevenforonenight.But,despitethegrandsetting,andluxurious

décor, the staff were friendly and welcoming and not in the least bit perturbed that their

famousguesthadbroughtanextrabodybackwithhim.

Thebar,anattractivemalereceptionistinformedusregretfully,hadjustclosedforthe

night,buthewould,heassuredMason,bemorethanhappytosendroomserviceuptothe

suite.Masonlookedatmeuncertainly.

“Youdon’thaveto,”hesaid,“Iknowit’snotwhatweagreed.”

“It’sfine,Mason.I…Itrustyou.”

“You’renottheonewhoworriesme,”Masonmutteredwithawrysmile.“Yourfriend

Alexis.”

“IcanhandleAlex.”

Not that I could, of course, but I could probably persuade Stefan to my way of

thinkingandthenhecouldwrangleAlexintosubmission.Masonledthewayupthegrand

staircaseandIfollowed,tellingmyselfthatgoingtohisroomwasn’tthesameasagreeing

tosleepwithhim.IreallydidtrusthimnottotryandforcemeintoanythingIdidn’tfeel

readyfor.AndifIdidfeelready?Well…we’dhavetowaitandsee.

Mason’s room…or rather, suite…was easily sixty-five foot of wall to wall

extravagance.Wewalkedintoaspacious,openplanloungeareawithanopenfireplaceat

end.Asetofdoorsledthroughtothebedroomandavast,four-posterbed.Iglancedaway

quickly,hopingMasonhadn’tnoticedmelooking.

“Wow,thisplaceis…”

“Ostentatious?”Masonsaidglumly.“Overthetop?”

“Iwasgoingtosayamazing,butnowyoucometomentionit…”

“I keep messing up, don’t I? You probably think I’m showing off again, trying to

impressyouwithmywealth.”

“Idon’tthinkthat,Mason.”Iperchedonaratherdelicatelookingsofaandpattedthe

cushionbesideme,trustingthespindlylegswouldtakeMason’sweight.Thesofagroaned

andcreakedworryinglyasheloweredhimselfdownbesideme,butitheld.Isurprisedhim

byreachingoutandtakinghishand.“Youdon’thavetoimpressme,youshouldknowthat

bynow.Stoptryingsohard,Mason.Relax,andlet’sseewherethisgoes.”

SomeofthetensionleftMason’sbroadshouldersandhesmiled,almostshyly,afar

cryfromtherockstarpersonahehaddisplayedinthepubbefore.

“Ijustwantyoutolikeme.”

“I already like you, Mason. But my head is still all over the place after everything

that’shappenedthesepastfewdays.”

“That’sallsorted,”Masonprotested.“Icalledofftheinjunctionandgotyouyourjob

back,didn’tI?”

Ifonlyitwasthateasy,Ithought.Masonmeantwell,buthedidn’tseemtounderstand

thattherewereotherissuesinmylifethatcouldnotbefixedwithaclickofhisfingers.

Aside from the emotional turmoil caused by the injunction and being suspended, I had

split up with my boyfriend after eighteen months. I thought I’d been in love. Rufus, it

turned out, thought I was a convenient source of cash. I had a job to go back to, but

nowhere to live and no car. I was attracted to Mason, I couldn’t deny that…but was I

readytojumpstraightintosomethingwithhim?

“So…”Masonshotmeawarylook.“IsnownotagoodtimetomentionIhadyour

cartowedandtakentoagaragetobefixed?”

Isighed.Therewasjustnogettingthroughtothisguy.“Youdidn’thavetodothat.”

“Itwasmypsychoexwhowreckedit,soactuallyIthinkIdid,”Masonargued.“At

leastI’mgettingtheoldonerepairedandnotbuyingyouanewone.”

“That’ssomething,Isuppose.”

“Although,ifyouwantanewone…”

“Mason!”

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll back off.” There was a knock at the door and Mason went to

answerit,althoughnotbeforeIsawtherollofhiseyes.“Look.Thisismebackingoff.”

Neither of us spoke while room service wheeled in a trolley containing a surprising

selection of alcoholic beverages. I didn’t remember Mason ordering anything when we

were at reception and I had no previous experience of room service, so I didn’t know if

delivering such an array of drinks to our room was normal or not. Our room…my mind

was racing ahead of itself again. Okay, so I’d privately admitted to the attraction I felt

towardMason–itdidn’tmeanIwasstayingthenight.

“Mason,”Isaid,swallowinghardasInoticedthewayhisshirtstretchedtautoverhis

back muscles, the sleeves straining across his huge biceps as he poured the drinks. He

hadn’taskedwhatIwantedand,withhisbackturnedtome,Icouldn’tseewhichbottlehe

hadinhishand.“Idon’twantyoutobackoff.Notcompletely.”

“Really?”Masonturned,adubiousexpressiononhishandsomefaceashecarriedtwo

glassesofamberliquidbacktowhereIstillsatonthesofa.“Hownotcompletelyarewe

talkinghere?”

Suddenly nervous, I snatched a glass from his grasp and knocked it back in one

withoutthinking.Thealcoholburnedmythroatandtookmybreathaway,causingmeto

cough and splutter embarrassingly. Mason rubbed my back and laughed, humiliating me

further.

“I was going to say you could kiss me,” I wheezed once I could speak. “Though I

doubtyouwanttonow.”

“Areyoukiddingme?”Masonkneltonthefloorinfrontofmeand,takingmychin

betweenthumbandforefinger,hetiltedmyheadbacksoIwaslookingathim.Therewas

concerninhisdarkeyes,buttherewaslongingtoo.Helookedatmewiththesameheat

andhungerthatAlexhadwheneverhelookedatStefan.“I’vewantedtokissyousincethe

firsttimeIsawyou.Youthinkabitofspittlerunningdownyourchinisgoingtoputme

off?”

My cheeks flooded with heat, as much from the intensity of his gaze as his words.

Quickly,Iwipedmychinonthebackofmyhand.ThemomentIloweredmyarm,Mason

leanedforwardandpressedhisfulllipstomineinafirm,demandingkiss.Hepressedme

againstthebackoftheantiquesofa,hishandscominguptocupmyface.

“Mmmm,”hemurmured,comingupforair.“You’reallbourbonflavoured.”

“Gladyoulikeit,”Igrumbled,stillslightlybreathlessfromhiskiss.“Ittastedbloody

awfulgoingdown.”

“That’sbecauseyou’resupposedtosipit,”Masonchuckled,hisbreathwarmagainst

myskin.“IcanseeI’mgoingtohavetoeducateyouonsomeofthefinerthingsinlife.”

Hescoopedmeupinhisarmsandstood,asthoughIweighednomorethanasmall

child, and carried me into the bedroom. I meant to protest, I really did, but before the

wordsleftmylipsIwasdistractedbythehugefour-posterbedthattotallydominatedthe

room. The sheets were black, the curtains a deep, glorious red. It was beautiful…and

sexierthanIcouldeverhaveimagined.

Masonsetmedownonmyfeet.

“Standthere.Don’tmove.”

Beingorderedaboutthatwaybyanyoneelsewouldhavegotmyhacklesrising,but

comingfromMasonitsentdelightfulshiversofanticipationrunningdownmyspine.For

the first time, I could understand why Stefan practically glowed when Alex went all

machoonhim.Istood,stockstill,exactlywherehetoldmeto,andwatchedasheclosed

thebedroomdoor.

He turned back, taking my face between his hands again as he had done before. “It

mightnotseemlikeit,”hetoldme,“butyou’reincharge,Eric.Wewon’tdoanythingthat

youdon’twanttodo.Ifyouwanttostopjusttellmeandwe’llstop.Okay?”

“Yes, Sir,” I said, because in every book I’d read where one character assumes

dominanceoveranotherinbedroom,thesubmissiveonealwayscalledhim‘Sir’.Idon’t

why I said it when Mason hadn’t done anything to suggest that was what he wanted. I

blushed,feelinglikeanidiotforturningthisintosomethingthatprobablyhadn’tentered

Mason’shead.

“Sir?”Masonarchedaneyebrow.“Oh,Ilikethat.”Hedroppedhishandstomywaist.

“Armsup.”

Obediently,IliftedmyarmsandMasonpulledmyT-shirtovermyheadandtossedit

ontothefloor.Hetookamomenttoadmiremynakedtorsobeforesteppingforwardagain

to unbutton my jeans. His fingers brushed again my stomach, sending small jolts of

electricitystraighttomydick.Gently,heeasedmyjeansdownmylegsandIthankedGod

forcleanunderpants.Masonstraightenedup,hiseyesmeetingmine.

“Areyouokaywiththis?”

Inodded.“Yes.”

Quick as a flash, Mason reached around and delivered a resounding smack to my

backside.Iyelped,moreinsurprisethanpain.Masonsmirked.

“Yes,what?”

“Y-yes,Sir,”Isaid,tryingnottosmiletoobroadlyasIrealisedwhatMasonwanted.

Damn, I never thought I’d be into all this dominance stuff, but with Mason doing the

dominatingitwasassexyasfuck.

Hesmiled,apparentlysatisfiedbymyresponse,andkneltdowninfrontofme.

“Lift,”heinstructed,tappingmyleftleg.

Iobeyed,placingmyhandsonhisbroadshouldersforbalance.Hepeeledoffmyshoe

and then my sock before pulling my foot free of the leg of my jeans. We repeated the

processontheothersideandMasongottohisfeet.Hepointedafingeratme.

“Stay.”

Oh,sonowIwasadog?Imighthaveobjectedifmybreath,heartanddickhadn’tall

leaptsimultaneouslyathisonesyllablegrowl.

Mason pulled off his own T-shirt and I suddenly felt woefully inadequate. The guy

really was a walking, talking wall of rippling muscle. I crossed my arms over my puny,

palechest,suddenlyembarrassed.WhattheHelldidanAdonislikeMasonseeinashort,

skinnyweaklinglikeme?

“Hey.”Masonpulledmyarmsawayfrommychestandpositionedthembackatmy

sides.“You’rebeautiful,Eric.”

“Right.”Irolledmyeyes.“I’mlikeapre-pubescentteencomparedtoyou.”

“Hardly,”Masonlaughed.“Youlooklikeyou’reallmantome.”

HedroppedhisgazetomycrotchandIfeltmyselfblushagain.God,thethingsthis

mandidtome.

“Getonthebed.”

I didn’t need telling twice. I still wasn’t sure I wanted full-on sex, but my body

definitely wanted something from him! Scrambling up onto the wide bed, I turned to

watch as Mason stripped off the rest of his clothes. He went a step further than I had,

removinghisboxersaswell,beforejoiningmeonthebed.Icouldn’thelpbutcheckout

hispackage,impressedtoseehisdickwasthickandlong,inperfectproportiontotherest

ofhisbody.

Wettingmylipswiththetipofmytongue,Iimaginedhimpushingthatbig,beautiful

shaftinsideme.Wehadn’thadthatconversationyet,butsomehowIdidn’tseeMasonasa

bottom.ItwasagoodthingIwasflexibleperhaps,butthetruthwasIdidn’twanttotop

Masonanyway.Iwantedhimtotakeme,topossessmymindandbodyineveryway.

Hestretchedoutonthemattressbesidemeandranhishandupmyside,makingme

shiver.

“Cold?”Masonasked,hisbrowfurrowinginconcern.

“No.”Ifeltmyfaceheatagain.Shit,didIreallyhavetoblushlikeateenagevirgin

every time the man spoke to me? That, in itself, was an embarrassment. “It’s just…you

know…you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,you.Andthis…”Igestureddowntowardournakedbodies.

“Eric, I told you.” Mason pulled away slightly. “We don’t have to do anything you

don’twanttodo.”

“That’s the thing…I do want to. I mean, maybe not…” I cleared my throat

awkwardly. “…penetrative sex, but…look at me. I would have thought it was perfectly

obviousIwantto…foolaround.”

“Oh my God, are you for real?” Mason fell apart laughing. “Penetrative sex? Fool

around?Whotalkslikethat?”

“Ido!”Igrumbled,slappinghisarm.“Ifyoudon’tlikeit,Icanalwaysleave.”

ImadetorollawayfromhimandMasongrabbedmearoundthewaistandhauledme

backsothatwewerelyingchesttochest.Hewrappedhismassivearmsaroundme,ruling

outanyfurtherattemptsatescape.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. But you started it by teasing me for saying I was courting

you.Tellyouwhat,howaboutIpromisetousethewordspenetrativesexinthenextsong

Iwriteandyoupromisetostay?”

“Deal,”Isaid,slidingmyarmsaroundhisneckandpullinghiminforakiss.LikeI

wasgoinganywherewhenIhadthisbig,beautifulmannakedinafour-posterbed.

Obviously Mason was done with talking. He rolled me onto my back, dwarfing my

smallbodywithhishugeframe.Herestedhisweightonhisarmssoasnottocrushme.

“Is this okay?” he asked, running his hand down my side. I squirmed and Mason

paused. He smirked as his hand continued downward, but I saw the moment in his eyes

whenheregisteredIwasticklishandhementallyfileditawayforfutureuse.“Howabout

this?”

Hishandslippedbeneaththewaistbandofmyboxerstocupmybuttockinhislarge

palm.Hetuggedmetowardhim,ourdicksrubbingtogetherthroughthethinmaterialof

myunderwear.Icouldonlynod,thepowerofcoherentspeechsuddenlybeyondmyreach.

Masonchuckledandrolledhishipsagain,hiseyesgleamingashesawtheeffecthewas

havingonme.

His mouth latched onto my neck, sucking and bruising, before slowly making their

waydownmybody.Hepausedhisdescenttoteasemynippleswithhistongue,leaving

me breathless and squirming, before continuing his journey south. Mason pushed my

boxers down my legs and wrapped his lips around my dick without hesitation. My hips

buckedfromthemattressashesuckedmetothebackofhisthroat.Ithreadedmyfingers

throughhisthickhair,unabletostopmyselfthrustingintohismouthasheworkedmelike

apro.

It was too good to last long. In an embarrassingly short space of time, my release

exploded into Mason’s mouth. I tried to warn him, but in response, he sealed his lips

aroundmyshaftandeagerlyswallowedeverydrop.Usingbothhands,Icoveredmyface

inshameasMasonkissedhiswaybackupmypost-orgasmsensitivebody.

“Thankyou,”hemurmured,lightlypressinghislipstothebackofeachhand.

Ipeekedathimthroughmyfingers,painfullyawarethathewasstillhardagainstmy

thigh.

“Whataboutyou?Doyouwantmeto–”

“WhatIwant…”Masoninterrupted,“…isforyoutoletmetakecareofyou.”

“Butdon’tyouwantto…youknow…come?”

“Oh, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. I’ll get my turn.” Mason

rolledontohisback,carryingmewithhimsothatIwastheonenowlyingontop.“We’ve

gotallnight.”

Chapter14

Theornateclockonthebedsidecabinetshowed6:05whenIwoke,theweightofMason’s

armheavyacrossmychest.Iturnedmyheadandstudiedhimwhileheslept.Evenslack-

jawedandsnoring,Masonwasincrediblyhandsome.Irolledmyeyes,eventhoughthere

wasnoonetheretosee.ThereIwasbeingoldfashionedagain.Shouldamanbereferred

toashandsomeinthisdayandage?ShouldIthinkofhimashot?Fit,maybe?Gorgeous?

Fuckable? Mason was most definitely fuckable and I wasn’t sure that was even a real

word.

Regardless of my insistence not to let things get that far, I had let him fuck me. In

truth,afterthesecondblowjobandathoroughrimming,Ihadbeentheonetopractically

beg him. Mason held back at first, but I’d used all my manly wiles to persuade him,

desperate to feel him inside me. And, damn…it had been good. I was sore and aching,

unaccustomedtobottomingthesepasteighteenmonthsbecauseRufusdidn’tliketotop,

butthediscomfortIfeltwasactuallyapleasantreminderofwhathadtakenplace.

I told myself I had no regrets, but what if Mason didn’t feel the same way? He’d

drunkfarmorethanmethenightbefore.ForallIknew,Iwasnothingbutadrunkenone-

night-stand.Yes,hewastheonewhohaddoneallthechasing,buthewasrichandfamous

and I was a penniless nobody. What if he changed his mind about wanting me now that

he’dhadme?Howawkwardwouldthatbe,ifhewoketofindmestillinhisbed?

Carefully,Ieasedmybodyoutfrombeneathhisbig,musculararm,andslippedfrom

the bed. Mason frowned, grunted, and settled again. Quickly, I gathered my clothes and

carriedthemthroughtotheotherroomtodress.

I retrieved my phone, offering up a silent prayer of gratitude that I still had some

battery life remaining. I left Mason’s suite, closing the door behind me before finding

Stefan’snumberinmycontacts.

“Areyouokay?”Stefanansweredonthefirstring,asthoughhehadbeensittingon

hisphoneandwaitingformycall.Itmademefeelguiltyfornotringingthenightbefore

toletthemknowIwouldbestayingthenightwithMason.

“I’mfine.Sorry,IwouldhaveletyouknowIwasn’tcominghome,butIfellasleep.”

“Areyoutellingmeallyoudidissleep?”Stefanasked,teasingme.

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell,” I retorted. Especially not to his ex-lover’s best

friend.MuchasIlikedandtrustedStefan,hehadknownRufusalotlongerthanhehad

knownme.Itwasn’tthatIthoughthewouldgorunningtoRufuswithallthejuicydetails

ofmylittleindiscretion,butIdidn’twanthimtofeelasthoughhehadtokeepsecretsfor

meeither.

“Well,Ihopehe’streatingyoutobreakfast.”

“Notexactly,”Isighed,feelingfoolishnowthatIhadtosayitoutloud.“Ileftwhile

hewasstillasleep.”

“Eric–”

“Thingis,”Iinterruptedquickly,beforeStefancouldbawlmeoutforbeinganidiot.

“Idon’treallyknowwhereIam,andIhavenoideahowtogethome.”

There was a long pause. I could picture Stefan shaking his head despairingly,

probablywithoneofhistrademarkeye-rollsthrowninforgoodmeasure.

“Holdon,”hesaideventually.“I’llpassyouovertoAlex.”

Alexsoundedsleepyandevenmorepissedoffthanusual,whichwouldsuggestmy

earlymorningalarmcallwasnotappreciated.Fortunately,onceItoldhimthenameofthe

hotel,hesaidheknewwhereitwasandthatitwouldtakehimthirtyminutestogetthere.

I waited impatiently on the stone steps at the front entrance, ignoring the curious

stares of the hotel staff, and keeping my fingers crossed that Alex would arrive before

Mason came looking for me. As soon as his car pulled up at the bottom of the steps, I

threwmyselfintothepassengerseatandtoldhimtogetmetheHelloutofthere.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Alex asked, once we had been driving for about five

minutes.“Didn’tforceyouintoanything?”

“No, it wasn’t like that.” I stared blankly out of the window, feeling tired and

strangelydeflated.“IalreadytoldStefan,Imeanttocomehome.Ijustfellasleep.”

“Yousure?Becauseifyouwantmetogivehimabattering…”

“No,Alex!”

Sometimes,IthoughtAlexneededanoutletforallthepent-upaggressionhehadto

worksohardtoconcealfromStefan.Iwasn’tabouttolethimworkouthisfrustrationson

Mason,however.

“I’mjustsaying,”Alexsaid.“Idon’tcarewhoheis.Ifyouwantmetogobackthere

andkickhisarse,Iwill.”

“Andendupinprison?Stefanwouldlovethat.”

Alex’sknuckleswerewhitewheretheygrippedthesteeringwheel.Ihopedhissilence

meanthewasseriouslyconsideringwhatIhadjustsaid.

“Thanksforoffering,Alex,butthere’snoneedforbattering,arsekickingoranyother

formofviolence.Masonhasn’tdoneanythingtodeserveit,andStefanwillneverforgive

meifI’mresponsibleforyougettinglockedup.”

Myphonevibratedinmypocket.Ipulleditout,nottotallysurprisedtoseeamessage

fromMason.Ihesitatedtoopenit,afraidofwhatitmightsay.WhenIdid,Icouldn’thelp

thebroadsmilethatsplitmyface.Fivewords,shortandtothepoint.

Comeback.Imissyou.

God,thatmanknewhowtoturnmeupsidedownandinsideout.AsIsuspectedwas

hisintent,thosesimplewordshadmewantingtorushbacktothehotelandjumpstraight

backintobedwithhim.Ihadtobestrongthough.Itwasn’tthatIwantedtotoywithhis

emotionsorleadhimon–IjustneededtobesureMasonwasgenuine.

“Arewegoingback?”Alexaskedmildly.

He had to have seen my reaction to Mason’s text, so I was reasonably confident he

wasofferingtoturnaroundbecausehethoughtitwaswhatIwantednow,andnotbecause

hestillhaditinmindtobeatsevenshadesofshitoutofMason.

“No.”Ishookmyhead.“Thisisalltoomuchtoofast,Alex.IfeellikeIneedtoclear

myheadbeforeIseehim.Willyoujusttakemehome,please?”

WewerebarelyfiveminutesfromhomewhenAlexswungintoasmallcarparkand

switchedofftheengine.Hegotoutofthecarandwalkedovertoagrassridgeoverlooking

thebay.Confused,Ifollowed.Wesatoneithersideofawoodenpicnicbench,watchinga

lonedogwalkerstrollalongthebeachbelowus.

“Whyhavewestopped?”Iasked,suddenlyanxioushewasabouttotellmeIhadout-

stayedmywelcomeinhisandStefan’stinyapartment.Imighthaveajobtogobackto

now, but I had nowhere to live. Plus, Mason said he’d have my car towed, so God only

knowwheremybelongingshadendedup.

“Thisisagoodplacetoclearyourhead,”Alexsaidsimply.

Somethinginhistonetoldmethathewasspeakingfromexperience.Iwonderedhow

manytimesthingshadgottensotensebetweenhimandStefanthatAlexhadfelttheneed

toescape.Hewasrightaboutthisplacethough.Therewasacaféandagiftshopnearby.

Probably,itgotbusierasthedaywenton,especiallyduringthesummermonths,butfor

now,wehadittoourselves.Itwaspeaceful,andquitebeautiful,aswesattherelooking

outoverthewater,blueandsparklingintheearlymorningsun.

“Thingis,Eric,”Alexsaidawkwardly,makingmethinkhehadmentallybuilthimself

up to making whatever little pep talk he was about to deliver. “You have to work at it,

especiallyinthebeginning.Twopeoplegettingtoknoweachother,learningwhatmakes

the other one tick, what makes them happy or what pisses them off – that takes time.

Nobodyeversaidrelationshipsareeasy.Butloveshouldbe.Lovingsomeoneshouldn’tbe

hard.And,ifitis…thenmaybeyou’rewiththewrongperson.”

WheretheHellhadthatcomefrom?Alexwashardlyknownforhisspeechmaking

abilities,evenlesssoforcomingoutwithanythingdeepormeaningfulordiscussinghis

emotions.I frowned, notentirely sure ifhe was referring toMason and I,or Rufus – or

himandStefan.Ihardlydaredask,butitseemedmeannottoafterhehaddonesomuch

formerecently.

“IseverythingokaywithyouandStefan?”

“Yeah,‘courseitis.”Hiseyesweredowncastandhepickedabsentlyatasplinteron

the edge of the picnic table, making me think perhaps all was not quite as well in his

relationshipashewantedmetobelieve.“Wehaven’thaditeasy,youknowthat.Stefcan

beabitofaprincessattimes,andIdon’talwaysknowhowtodealwiththat.ButIcanact

likeastupid,machowankerattimestoo,andthat’shardonStef.”

“Helovesyou.”

“Iknow.”Alexlookedup,hisexpressionfierce.“Ilovehimtoo.That’showweget

through all the shit that life throws at us. Loving Stef is the easiest thing in the world.

That’showitshouldbeforyoutoo.”

“With Mason?” I asked doubtfully, finding it hard to believe I was being given

relationshipadvicebyAlexGillofallpeople.

“Ofcourse,Mason.”Alexarchedaneyebrow.“WhodoyouthinkImean?Rudolph?”

“Rufus.”

“Whatever.Thatmoney-grabbing,cheating,littleshitwasneverrightforyou.Hewas

onlyeverinitforwhathecouldgetoutofyou.”

“HowdoyouknowMasonwillbeanydifferent?”

“Look,Idon’treallyknowMason.Iadmitthat.Ican’tsayforsurethathewon’tever

dothedirtyonyou,butIsawthewayhelookedatyoulastnight.Allthosepeople,and

youweretheonehecouldn’ttakehiseyesoff.Plus,Masondoesn’tneedyoutopayhis

rent or put credit on his phone. He’s got his own money; a lot of which he spent on

trackingyoudownthesepastcoupleofdays.”

“Whatifhejustwantedsex?”Iaskeddespondently.

“Yeah, right.” Alex shot me an incredulous look, as if – out of the two of us – he

couldn’tbelievehewasnotthestupidoneforonce.“Youreallythinkyou’rethatfucking

hot,Eric?Youthinkyou’resoirresistiblethataninternationallyfamousrockstar–who

couldhavemanhewants–isgoingtochaseyouhalfwayacrossthecountryjusttofuck

you?”

Ididn’t think thatat all. Notfor a moment. ButI was ashort, average lookingguy.

There was nothing special about me. That was why I found it so hard to get my head

aroundthefactsomeonelikeMasonwouldeverwanttobewithme.

“Starstruck,”Alexsaid,withasmuglook.

“Iamnot!”Iprotested,annoyed.“Ididn’tevenknowwhohewaswhenImethim.”

“Not you, moron.” Alex grinned across the table at me. “Him. Mason White is star

struckbyyou.”

Iopenedmymouthtoargueandcloseditagainwhenmyphonevibratedwithanew

message. I have a gift for you. A gift? It was barely an hour since I had left him. How

could Mason have bought something for me in that short time? And, whatever it was –

should I accept it? I didn’t want him spending his money on me. More to the point, I

didn’twanttogivehimtheimpressionhecouldbuymyaffection.Thatwouldmakeme

toomuchlikeRufusformyliking.

Anothermessagedroppedintomybox,quicklyfollowedbyathird.Ireadthemboth

and burst out laughing. Turning the phone around, I showed the messages to Alex. He

grinned.

“See?Totallystarstruck.”

Ishovedthephonebackintomypocketandwestartedbacktowardthecar.Asstupid

as it sounded, Mason’s texts had left me feeling all warm and cosy inside. In his own

unique–albeitratherlewd–manner,Masonhadletmeknowhewasn’ttryingtobuyme

afterall.Notwithmonetarygiftsatleast.

Come and get your present, the second message said. And the third? Lashings of

spunk.

Mason made me smile. He made me laugh. Whether or not he got to deliver his

‘present’anytimesoonremainedtobeseen,butIhadtogiveMasonachance.Iowedit

tohimtoprovewecouldbemorethanaonenightstand.Iowedittomyself.

Chapter16

The moment I walked through the door, Stefan jumped all over me like an excitable

puppy,asthoughIhadbeenmissingforayearormore,notjustonenight.Alexgavehim

akissandasternwarningtocalmthefuckdown–Alex’swords,notmine–beforeheleft

againforwork.AssoonasAlexhadgone,Stefanpulledmedownbesidehimontheold

sofaanddemandedalltheluriddetailsofmynightwithMason.

I had never been the kiss-and-tell type of guy, but I told him enough to satisfy his

curiositywhilekeepingallthebestandmostintimatepartsofthenighttomyself.Those

partsbelongedtomeandMasonandwerenotmeanttobetitillationforourfriends.Idid

showStefanthetextmessages,figuringitcoulddonoharmwhenAlexhadalreadyseen

them. Stefan squealed in delight and clapped his hands, making me laugh. I knew guys

likeAlexsawmeasatwink,thesameasRufusandStefan,butIhadneverbeenonefor

over-the-top, effeminate displays. In Rufus, I thought it was done mainly for dramatic

effect,butinStefan,itwastotallynaturalandreallyquiteendearing.

“Didyouanswerhimyet?”Stefansaid,hiseyesgleamingwithexcitement.

It seemed a little strange, perhaps, that it should matter so much to him, but Stefan

believedintruelove,andIcouldheseehewantedmetohavefoundatleastthechanceof

that with Mason. What did it say about my relationship with Rufus that his best friend

hadn’tbeensoenthralledatourbeingtogetherashewasatthestartofsomethingwitha

completestranger?HadStefanknownallalongthatRufushadneverreallylovedme?

“Ineedtochargemyphone,”Isaid,alameexcuseeventomyears,butitwastrue.

My phone did need charging and I didn’t want to enter into a text conversation with

Masonwhenitcoulddieonmeatanymoment.“I’llcallhimlater.”

AsmallpartofmestillfeltaneedtotestMason,despitemyearlierdecisiontosee

himagain.Ifhedidn’twaitformetocallfirst,ifhecalledme,orturnedupinperson–it

wouldbefurtherproofthathewasseriousaboutme.Iwasbeingchildish,Iknew,unfair

andselfish,butIstillhadn’tquiteridmyselfofthenotionthatthiswasallsomesickgame

Mason was playing. What was wrong with me? When had I become so pathetically

insecureandneedy?

Probably around the same time I discovered my boyfriend of eighteen months had

beenunfaithfultomefortheentiretyofourrelationship,Ithought.Ormaybeithadbeen

whenMasonbulldozedhiswayintomylifeandturnedeverythingonitshead.Ididlike

Mason,Icouldn’tdenyit,andIdidwanttoseeifthefeelingswehadforeachotherwere

somethingwecouldbuildon.Ijusthadtobesureitwasreal.

“Ihavetogotowork,”Stefansaid,boundingfromthesofa.“They’llkillmeifI’m

lateagain.I’malreadyonawarning.”

“IsitokayifIusethelaptop?IneedtofindsomewheretoliveifI’mgoingbackto

LondononSunday.”

“Sure.Helpyourself.Thepasswordisonthelabelunderneath.”Stefanemergedfrom

thebedroomafewminuteslater,fullydressedindarkjeans,apalebluebutton-downshirt,

and his favourite converses. “Alex thinks it’s there so he doesn’t forget the password.

Reallyit’stheresohedoesn’tforgetmybirthday.”

OnceStefanleftandIwasaloneinthesmallapartment,Icarriedthelaptopoverto

the sofa and started it up. The password was STEFBDAY and a date. I smiled, not

believing for a second that Alex didn’t see straight through Stefan’s little ruse. The guy

wasnowherenearasdenseasheleteveryonethink.

I spent a couple of hours browsing letting agent sites, my hopes sinking fast.

Propertiesclosetothehospitalwerefarandfewbetweenandwayoutofmypricerange.

Searching further afield provided more choice, but none of them were immediately

available and all of them required a minimum of a month’s rent upfront –which I didn’t

have.IwouldhavetohopeMasoncouldgetmycarbacksoonerratherthanlater,because

thewaythingswerelooking,Iwouldbelivingoutofitfortheforeseeablefuture.

Aknockatthedoorstartledme.Isetthelaptoptoonesideandwenttoanswerit,my

heartskippingabeatatthethoughtitmightbeMason,impatienttoseemeagain.Itwasn’t

Mason.Instead,Rufusstoodonthedoorstep,hishairandclothesashockingpurple.

“Haveyougotmoneyforthetaxi?”heasked,apparentlydecidingnottobotherwith

suchnicetiesasactuallysaying‘hello’.

“Um…no,Ihaven’tgotapennytomyname.”

“Oh,okay.”Hepeeredintotheapartmentovermyshoulder.“Idon’tsupposeStefan

leftanylyingabout?”

“No! Stefan and Alex haven’t got any money either and – even if they did – I

wouldn’tstealitfromthemtopayyourtaxifare.”

“Fine,”Rufushuffed.“God,ifI’dknownyouweregoingtobesobloodymiserable,I

wouldn’thavebotheredcoming.”

He stomped down the metal staircase in his ridiculous, high-heeled, suede boots. I

stood at the top of the steps and watched, wondering how he would get around the taxi

driver.KnowingRufus,Ihalfexpectedhimtooffertoblowtheguy.Iwatched,shocked,

ashepulledawadofnotesfromhispocketandpeeledoffatwentyforthedriver.

IttookamomenttorememberwhyRufuswouldhavemoneyonhimforthefirsttime

inhislife.Thenithitme.ItwasMason’smoney.MasonhadpaidRufushundredstofind

out where I had gone. Rufus had sold me out and still had the nerve to ask me for the

moneytopayhisfare.

He clomped back up the stairs and gave me an innocent smile, looking for all the

worldlikebutterwouldn’tmelt.

“Youcouldlookalittlemorepleasedtoseeme.”

Hepushedpastmeandcrossedtheroomtoflopdownonthesofa.Inoticedhimturn

hisnoseupashelookedaroundtheapartment,andapparentlyfounditwantinginsome

way.Rufus’hatredofAlexfarsurpassedanyaffectionhehadforStefan,sohewouldbe

glad of an excuse to look down his nose at their living arrangements. I knew the way

Rufusoperated.Nodoubt,hewasnotingeverylittledetailsohecouldgotoKeane’sand

telleverybodywhohadeverknownStefanthatAlexGillwasincapableofprovidingfor

him.

“Whatdoyouwant,Rufus?”

“Well,that’snice,afterIcameallthiswaytoseeyou.”

“I’monlyherebecauseyouthrewmeout!”

“AndnowI’vecometotakeyouback.”Hethrewhishandsupinexasperation,asif

hegenuinelycouldn’tunderstandmylackofenthusiasm.“Honestly,Eric,youdon’thave

tobesuchadramaqueen.”

Thatwasrichcomingfromhim.Rufuswastheultimatedramaqueen,andhedidn’t

carewhoknewit.I’dalwaysbeentheshy,quietone.ThefirsttimeImetStefan,I’dcalled

myselfAzrael.Azraelhadbeenamask,apersonaIcreatedforwhenIwasoutonthepull,

butevenAzraelhadn’tscreamedlook-at-mewitheveryfibreofhisbeingthewayRufus

did.

“Areyouflathunting?”Rufusasked,lookingattheopenlaptop.

Ifoldedmyarmsandglaredathim,althoughtheeffortwastotallywastedonRufus,

whowasn’tevenlookingatme.“I’mgoingbacktoworknextweek.Ineedsomewhereto

live.”

“Uh…what’swrongwithourflat?”

“Attheriskofrepeatingmyself…youthrewmeout.”

“And at the risk of repeating myself,” Rufus snapped back, “I came here to get you

back.”

HeclosedthepagesIhadbeenbrowsingandsnappedthelidofthelaptopshut.Itwas

his way of saying the matter was settled. It would probably never occur to Rufus that I

couldsimplyopeneverythingupagainafterhe’dgoneandcarryonwhereIleftoff.Not

thatIhadgotveryfarwithmysearch,butRufus’determinationtogetmetomovebackin

withhimmademeallthemoredeterminedtofindsomewhereofmyown.

Ileanedagainstthesinkunit,nottrustingRufusenoughtositonthesofabesidehim.

He’dprobablytakeitasaninvitationtojumpme.Hemighthavenoqualmsaboutit,butI

hadnointentionofhavingsexonAlexandStefan’ssofa,especiallynotwithmyex.Rufus

frowned,andIthoughtmaybehehadthefirstinklingthatgettingmebackwasnotgoing

tobeaseasyashehadanticipated.

“Didyoueverloveme,Rufus?”

“Ofcourse.”Hisgazeflickeredaway,asthoughhewasunabletolookmeintheeye

whileheliedtome.Which,knowingwhatIknewnow,wasactuallyafirst.“Howcanyou

evenaskmethat?”

“Okay,I’llaskyouthisinstead.Howmanytimesdidyoucheatonme?Anddon’tsay

twice,”Isaid.“Ialreadyknowitwasmorethanthat.”

“Oh,letmeguess…Stefan’spetgorillahasbeentellingtales.”

“Thatgorillahasdonemoreformeinthepastfewdaysthanyoueverhave,”Isaid

hotly. God, how could I have been with Rufus for so long without realising how

infuriatinghecouldbe?Ihadalwaysfoundhisbehaviourtobeentertainingand–more

oftenthannot–amusing.Allthistime,IhadtreatedhishostilitytowardAlexlikeitwas

somebigjoke,butnowIsawitforwhatitreallywas.Spite.Inshort,Rufuswasnotanice

person.“Anddon’tchangethesubject.”

“Fine!”Rufusrosefromthesofaandtotteredacrosstheroomonhishighheels.We

wereprettymuchthesameheightsowestoodfacetoface.Typically,Rufuswastotally

unrepentant, unable to admit – or even see – that he had done anything wrong. “There

weremorethantwo,butdon’taskmehowmanybecauseIdon’tremember.Whatdoesit

matter?You’retheoneIcomehometo.”

“Whatdoesit…?”Ishookmyhead,notwantingtobelievewhatIwashearing.He’d

beenwithmoreguysthanhecouldremember,allofthembehindmyback,andhedidn’t

think that mattered? “Who the Hell are you, Rufus?” He blinked at me, confused,

obviously not understanding the question. I sighed, and waved a hand up and down his

slenderbody.“Allofthis…it’sanact.Youhidebehindpinkhair,outrageousoutfitsanda

badattitude,butnoneofthatistherealyou.Ithinkyou’resousedtothispretencethat

evenyoudon’tknowwhoyouareanymore.”

“I’mjustme,Eric,”Rufussaidquietly.“Thisisallthereis.”

Ididn’tbelievehim.Therewasararehumilityinhisvoice,andasorrowinhiseyes

that suggested he hadn’t quite convinced himself any more than he had me. It was the

tiniest glimpse of the man Rufus could be if he stopped pretending for five minutes; a

momentofvulnerabilitythatpassedintheblinkofaneye.

“And, in case you hadn’t noticed, my hair is purple, not pink,” he said, with an

exaggerated pout. “It’s only temporary though. You’ll be pleased to hear I’ve got an

interview on Tuesday. It’s shop work, only part-time to begin with, but I’m fairly

confident. I know the manager from Keane’s – and before you ask, no – I haven’t slept

with him.” He cocked his head to one side, looking thoughtful. “Not that I remember,

anyway.”

“You’re impossible.” I surprised myself by laughing. I was resolute in my decision

nottogobacktoRufus,butitwashardtostayangrywithhim,evenifIwantedto.

“But you love me, right?” Rufus closed the gap between us, his gaze locked

disconcertinglyonmylips.

“No.”Itookholdofhimbythearmstostophisslowadvance.“Idid,Rufus.Butit’s

over.Iwant…I’msorry,butIwanttoseewhathappenswithMason.”

“Mason?” Rufus looked surprised. “You mean the guy who accused you of stalking

himandlostyouyourjob?Youcan’tbeserious.”

“Ilikehim.Thejobandeverythinggotsorted.Noneofitwashisfault.”

“Well,that’s…nice.”

“Rufus…”

“Okay,okay.”Rufusrolledhiseyes.“Just…canIhaveonelastkiss?Please?Forold

times’sake?”

I should have reacted quicker. Said no. Pushed him away. Anything but stand there

andlethimkissme.RufusbeingRufus,hewasn’tsatisfiedwithachaste,littlepeckonthe

lips.Hewentinfullforce,pushinghistongueintomymouth,andbringinghishandsupto

threadhisfingersthroughmyhair.

Therewasagaspfromtheopendoorway.ItwistedmyheadintimetoseeMason’s

shockedface.Hestoodthere,hisgazeflickingbetweenRufusandI.Thenheturnedand

walked away. I heard his boots on the metal staircase, his tread heavy enough to rattle

everystep.

IlookedbackatRufusbeforehecouldwipethesmugexpressionfromhisface.He

must have heard or seen Mason coming up the stairs. He’d deliberately kissed me

passionately,knowingMasonwouldseeandthinkwebacktogether.ButifRufusthought

itwouldchangeanything,hewasmistaken.Itwasover.

Chapter17

RufustriedtostopmefromgoingafterMason.Hegrippedmyarmstightlyandchosethat

momenttotellmethathelovedme.Hetriedtokissmeagain.Ipushedhimawayandran

from the apartment. I shouted Mason’s name, but he either didn’t hear or he just didn’t

wanttospeaktome.Iwatchedhelplesslyfromthetopofthestaircaseasheroaredoutof

thedrivewayonhishugeValkyrie.

I dashed back inside and grabbed Alex’s car keys from the hook just inside the door.

Thegaragewassoclosethathewalkedtowork,andhiscarwasjustsittingthereonthe

driveway. He would probably kill me for taking it without asking, but I’d deal with that

later.Rightatthatmoment,IjustknewIcouldn’tletMasonrideoutofmylifewithouta

fight.Imighthavesleptwithhimonourfirstdate,butIwasn’taman-whorelikeRufus.

SexwithMasonmeantsomethingtome.Ilikedhim…alot.Iwantedarelationshipwith

him,Iwassureofthatnow.Funnyhowittooktheprospectoflosinghimformetomake

upmystupidmind.

Ignoring Rufus’ frantic protests, I raced down the stairs and jumped into Alex’s car.

Firstofall,Ihadtoadjusttheseat.AlexwassomuchtallerthanmethatIcouldn’treach

thepedalsasitwas.Fortunately,thecarwaseasytodriveandIsoonhadthehangofitby

theendoftheroad.

I thought I could remember my way back to Mason’s hotel. Unlike Mason, who had

takenofflikeabatoutofHell,Ikepttothespeedlimit.ThelastthingIneededwastoget

caught driving with no insurance in what was effectively a stolen car. Once out of the

town,however,Iputmyfootdownalittlemore,andbeforelongIwaspullingupoutside

thehotel.TherewasnosignofMason’sbike,butIhadn’tseenitthenightbeforeeitherso

maybethatdidn’tmeananything.

I abandoned the car and ran up the steps into the grand foyer. There was a different

receptionistondutybehindthedesk.OnewhohadseenneithermyarrivalwithMasonnor

my early morning walk of shame. What if she thought I was some crazed fan who had

trackeddowntheiridolandwaschancingtheirlucktryingtogettomeethim?Theway

sheregardedmewithblandindifferencesaidshealreadyknewIwasn’taguest.

“Is…um…Mason…ImeanMrWhiteinhisroom?”

“I’msorry,Sir.There’snobodyofthatnamestayinghere.”

“It’sokay,”Isaid,givinghermybestI-am-not-a-lunaticsmile.“I’ma…friend.Istayed

herewithhimlastnight.”

“That maybe so,” she said sweetly, not in the least bit convinced. “However, as I

believeIhavealreadysaid,thereisnoguestofthatnamecurrentlyinresidence.”

“Hecheckedout?”

Damn,thatwasfast.Masonwouldhavereachedthehotelbeforeme,withoutquestion,

buthehadn’tbeensofaraheadhecouldhavepackedhisstuffandcheckedout.Clearly,I

wasnotgoingtogetanyinformationoutofthesnootyreceptionist.

IwentbacktoAlex’scar,tryingtothinkofwhatmynextmoveshouldbe.Waitingfor

Masontoshowupwouldprobablynotbethebestoption.Thehotelwouldcallthepolice

and have me moved on before I got anywhere near him. So what, then? I couldn’t even

callhim,havingstupidlyleftmyphoneonthearmofthesofawhenIdashedoutofthe

apartmentinhotpursuit.

Ilookedupastwomencameoutofthehotel,oneofthemcarryinganovernightbag.

Theylookedfamiliar,althoughIdidn’trememberwhereIhadseenthembeforeuntilthey

made their way over to a gleaming, black Jaguar. Mason’s goon squad from the night

before. They had driven us back to the hotel after leaving the bar, which meant they

shouldrecogniseme,atleast.

“Hey,guys.Rememberme?”

They lifted the bag into the car before turning to face me. Neither of them seemed

particularlypleasedtoseeme,butthenitwasn’tlikewewerefriendsoranything.Mason

wasprobablynothingmorethanajobtothem.Whyshouldtheycarewhoheshagged?

“Yeah, sure.” The one standing nearest to me looked me up and down and shrugged.

“Fromlastnight,right?”

“Right.IwasjustwonderingwhereMason…er…MrWhitehadgone.”

“Sorry,kid.Noidea.AllweweretoldwastopickupMrWhite’sbelongings.”

Ithankedtheguy,althoughfuckknowswhatfor.Hehadn’ttoldmeanythingIwanted

tohear.Masonhadgone,mostlikelybacktoLondon.IfIwentbacktoAlexandStefan’s,

gotmyphoneandcalledhim,hewouldlistentome,wouldn’the?Givemeachanceto

explainaboutRufusthesamewayIhadwithhimovertheinjunction.

Idrovebackintotown,hopingMasonwasn’ttheonlyonetohavecuthislossesand

runbacktoLondon.ThewayIwasfeeling,Ididn’tknowhowIwouldreactwhenIcame

facetofacewithRufusagain.Iwasnotaviolentman–farfromit–butIwassoangry

withhimrightatthatmoment.He’dgottenawaywithfuckingwithmylifefortoolong,

andIwasn’tputtingupwithitanylonger.Rufuswasgoingtoseeasidetomehehadn’t

seenbeforeandhewasn’tgoingtolikeit.

ThatwasifIlivedlongenough.MyheartsankasIturnedintothedrivewayandsaw

Alexsatonthebottomstepofthemetalstaircase,hisexpressionthunderous.Hewason

hisfeetandhaulingmebodilyfromthecarbeforeithadevenrolledtoacompletestop.

Alexslammedmeagainstthesideofthecar,darkeyesablazewithfury.

“Whatthefuckareyouplayingat?”Hegrabbedthefrontofmyshirtandshookme.

“Youstealmyfuckingcar.YouleavethatcreepRufusinmyfuckinghouse!”

“Youcalledhimbyhispropernameag…”

“YoureallythinkIcareaboutthatrightnow?”

“No,sorry.”Itippedmyheadbacktolookhimintheface.AlexwasstilllividandI

wishedIknewhowStefanmanagedtocalmhimdown.Atleasthishandswerestillfisted

inthefrontofmyshirtwhichmeanthewasn’tusingthemtopunchme.“AndI’msorryI

took your car.” I took a deep breath, and kept talking, taking advantage of the fact my

apologyseemedtohavethrownhimabit.“Rufusshowedupandthenhekissedmejustas

Masonwalkedin.Masontookoffonhisbike.Ihadtofollowhim,Alex.”

“Youshouldhaveasked,”Alexgrumbled.Hisgriponmyshirtloosened,althoughhe

didn’treleasemeentirely.

“I know. I’m sorry,” I said again. I got the impression Alex wasn’t used to people

apologisingtohimbecausehetookastepback,frowning.

“Didyoufindhim?”

“No.He’sgone.BacktoLondon,Isuppose.”Iwatchedashewalkedslowlyaroundthe

car,darkeyesscanningeveryinch.Hewasstillangry,Icouldtell,butitseemedtheworst

ofhistempertantrumwasover–solongashedidn’tfindanyscratchesordentsonhiscar

thathadn’tbeentherebefore.I’ddrivencarefullyandwithoutincident,butAlexwasnot

likely to believe that if he found anything. “I really am sorry, Alex. I wasn’t thinking

straight.IjustwantedtocatchuptoMasonandexplain.”

Alexputhishandsonhishipsandshookhisheadinfrustration.“Iswearyoufucking

gayguyswillbethedeathofme.”

He didn’t seem to require and answer, so I kept my mouth shut and refrained from

pointingout–notforthefirsttime–thathewasmostdefinitelyoneofthosegayswho

seemed to be the bane of his life. For some reason, and despite being in a committed

relationshipwithaguy,Alexstilldidn’tidentifyasbeinggay.Havingnarrowlyescaped

hiswrathovertakinghiscar,nowdidn’tseemlikeitwasthebesttimetoremindhimof

hissexuality.

“Didyoutrycallinghim?”Alexasked.

“No, I left my phone upstairs. Oh God!” I exclaimed, remembering what else…or

rather who…I had left in the apartment when I blindly rushed off in pursuit of Mason.

“Pleasedon’tletRufushavefoundit.”

Ididn’tdoubtforasecondthatifRufusgothishandsonmyphonehewouldgetakick

outoftextingMasonallkindsofshit.Itookthestairstwoatatime,Alexlumberingafter

me. It took a few minutes of frantic searching, but eventually I found my phone tucked

downthesideofthesofacushion.WasthatwhereIhadleftit?Ihopedso,becauseRufus

wasunlikelytohaveseenitbychance,andwouldprobablyhaveassumedIhadtakenit

withme.Quickly,Icheckedthephonerecords,andbreathedasighofrelieftoseethere

werenorecentlogs.

“Packyourstuff,”Alexsaidgruffly.Hedidn’tsoundasthoughhewasstillangry,but

thiswasAlex–heneversoundedasthoughhewasparticularlyhappyaboutanything.

“You’rethrowingmeout?”MymindracedasItriedtothinkwhereIwouldgo?What

wouldIdo?Ihadnomoneyforahoteloratrainticket.“IsaidIwassorryfortakingthe

car.”

“I’mnotthrowingyouout,”Alexsaid.“I’mtakingyoubacktoLondonsoyoucantell

Masoninpersonthatyou’redonewiththatprick,Rupert.”

“Rufus.”

“Whatever.Hurryupandpack.I’llneedtostopbythesalonandtellStefwhat’sgoing

on.”

Ithrewmyclothesintoabackpack,notstoppingtobotherfoldinganything.Ihadno

idea what would happen when I got back to London or even where I would stay. Right

then,Ididn’tcare.IwasgoingafterMason.Thatwasallthatmattered.

Chapter18

Marcie and Killigan were surprised when Alex and I turned up on their doorstep

unannounced, although not as surprised as I was when Alex informed them that I was

there to stay. Killigan looked as though he wanted to argue and I couldn’t blame him. I

rememberedStefansayingattheengagementpartythatthepolicemanhadonlyrecently

moved in with Marcie. Another body around would be the last thing he wanted. On the

other hand, Marcie seemed thrilled and was already planning what she should make for

tea,andwhichsheetsshewouldputonmybed.

ShetriedtopersuadeAlextostayforacupofteaandsomethingtoeat,buthewas

impatient to get back on the road and home to Stefan. I wished he had stayed for just a

while longer rather than leaving me alone with two people I barely knew. Marcie was

Alex’s surrogate mum, Killigan was Stefan’s self-appointed father figure. It was like

meetingtheparents,onlyIwasn’tactuallydatingeitheroftheirsons.

“Sorry,”IsaidtoKilligan,meetinghissterngazeacrossthekitchentable.Marciehad

leftustobondovermugsofteawhileshewentupstairstomakemyroomready.“I’llfind

myownplaceandbeoutofyourhairbeforeyouknowit,Iswear.”

“I’msurewecanputupwithyouforacoupleofweeks,”Killigansighed,notexactly

soundingenamouredbytheidea.“Sticktothehouserules,andwe’llgetalongjustfine.”

“Houserules?”Iechoedfaintly.IfIwantedtoliveunderparentalruleI’dgohometo

mymother.“Whatarethey?”

“Nodrugs.”Killigancountedthemoffonhisfingersashespoke.“Noleavingyour

underwear on the bathroom floor. No taking Marcie for granted. You pull your weight.

Andnobringingmenbackherefor…ahem…sexytime.”

“Sexy time?” I quickly smothered a laugh, realising he was deadly serious. “Okay,

firstofall…I’manurse.IknowwhatdrugscandotoyouandI’venevertouchedthemin

mylife.Secondly,samegoesforyouwithunderwearthing,becauseIdon’teverwant to

have to see your baggy Y-fronts.” I counted on my fingers the way he had done. “I left

home years ago and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, so as far as I’m

concerned,Marciedoesn’tneedtoliftafinger.Andasforthemen–let’sjustsayI’moff

themrightnow,sodefinitelynosexytimes.Youdon’thavetoworryaboutthat.”

Killigan regarded me with a bemused expression. Most likely, he was used to his

commentsbeingmetwithsullensilencefromAlex,orover-the-topsillinessfromStefan.

Stating I could look after myself, however, reminded me that Marcie was currently

upstairsputtingcleansheetsonmybed.ExcusingmyselffromKilligan,Iwentuptohelp

herfinishoff.

Afterward,aloneinmyroom,Ichangedmyjeansandputonacleanshirt.Icouldn’t

put it off any longer. I had to go to Keane’s and face Mason. On the car journey from

Weymouth,Ihadtriedtextingandcalling,butMasonhadhisphoneswitchedoff.Isent

himamessagetosayIwasonmywayandwantedtotalktohim,althoughIhadnoideaif

hehadseenitornot.Giventhathehadn’tanswered,Ihopedhehadn’t.

WhenItoldMarcieandKilliganIwasgoingoutforawhile,Marciegavemeaspare

door key in case I didn’t get home until after they had gone to bed. Killigan insisted on

driving me to Keane’s. He offered to wait, thinking maybe that Mason would throw me

outonmyearthemomenthesawme.Ithankedhim,buttoldhimtogohome.Ifthings

went my way, I would hopefully be spending the night with Mason. Without asking,

KilliganputhisnumberinmyphoneincaseIneededanything,andthentooktwotwenty

poundnotesfromhiswallet.Iacceptedthemoneyreluctantly,afterKilligansaiditwasto

payforataxihomeshouldthenightnotgoaccordingtoplan.

Itwasstillearly,buttherewasalreadyaqueuewaitingtogetintoKeane’s.Alotof

them didn’t really look like Keane’s usual brand of clientele. There were a few grungy

looking rockers and more women in the queue than I had ever seen there before. Word

must have spread that Mace White had bought the place and his adoring fans were

flockingtothevenueinthehopesofcatchingaglimpseoftheirhero.

Leaving the hopefuls to wait at the front of the building, I walked around the side.

TherewasnosignofMason’sbikeortheRangeRoverthathadbeenparkedthereonmy

lastvisit.Iknockedonthedoorandrangthedoorbelltonoavail.Steppingback,Ilooked

upatthewindows.Theblindswereshut,notevenaglimmeroflighttobeseen.Ablind

mancouldseetheapartmentabovetheclubwasempty.

Disheartened,Iwalkedbackaroundtothestreet.Ihoveredindecisively.Giveupand

gohomeorjointhequeueandhopeMasonwasinside,perhapsworkingthebarlikehe

hadbeenthenightImethim?

“Hey,Azrael!”

IswallowedasharpspikeofirritationandplasteredasmileonmyfaceasIwentover

to Jonesey. He’d worked the door at the club for years and knew all of the regulars by

name.Itdidn’tmatterhowmanytimesItoldhimIdidn’tgobyAzraelanymore,hestill

insisted on calling me by my former alias. Whether it was down to bad memory or a

perverse delight in embarrassing me, I didn’t know. Jonesey was generally harmless

though,andifIwasnicetohimhewouldprobablyletmequeuejump.

“Is that you all over the internet?” Jonesey asked. “It is, isn’t it? You shagging my

bossnow?”

Unfortunately, he had the kind of booming, deep voice that drew the attention of

everylivingsoulinamileradius.Theentirequeuenowgawkedatmeopenly.Isawafew

nods, people looking at me like they knew me…or rather knew something about me. I

dreadedtothinkexactlywhathadbeenpostedonlineaboutmineandMason’sverypublic

datethedaynightbefore.

“Ishehere?”

My cheeks heated uncomfortably under the scrutiny of my unwanted audience.

MasonandIwerequitelikelybeingbilledastheloveaffairofthecenturyandyethereI

was,standingoutsidehisclubwitheverybodyelseandadmittingIdidn’tknowwherehe

was.

Not that Jonesey seemed to notice anything wrong with it. He shrugged his broad

shoulders.“Ididn’tseehimwhenIcameintowork,butthatdoesn’tmeananything.He

couldhavebeenupstairsorouttheback.”Hesteppedbackandwavedmethrough.“Go

and have a look if you want.” Instantly, there was a chorus of complaint from the

disgruntledclubgoersatthefrontofthequeue.Joneseywasunmoved.“Hey,areanyof

youfuckingMaceWhite?No?That’swhatIthought,sonobodyelseisgettinginforfree.

Keepwhiningandyouwon’tgetinatall.”

Inside, the club was less busy than I expected. Mostly, the crowd was made of the

usualfaces,andInoddedtosomeofthemasIwalkedaroundthesideofthedancefloor

tothebar.IhadasneakingsuspicionthatkeepingtheobviousArcadiafansoutsidewasa

deliberatemoveonJonesey’spart.Therewereafewstraightcouplesalreadyinthere,but

notenoughtooutnumberusgayboysinourownclub.

“Hey,E.Youwanttheusual?”

Olliehadworkedbehindthebarforthelasttwelvemonthsorso.Hehadn’tknown

meinmyAzraeldays,buthewasanotheronewhonevercalledmebymypropername,

claimingEricwastooold-fashionedanduptightforaguymyage.

“Justacoke,please.”IofferedoneofthenotesKilliganhadgivenmewhenheput

myglassdowninfrontofme,butOlliewaveditaway.

“Onthehouse,mate.”Hehesitated,grabbingaclothandpretendingtowipethebar.

“So,areyoureallybangingMaceWhite?”

Ithankedhimforthedrinkandturnedawaywithoutgivinghimananswer.Allofa

sudden,everymanandhisdogknewmybusinessandIhatedit.Masonlivedhislifein

the public eye – and if we were going to make a go of a relationship I would have to

accept that – but we’d been on one date. How could that possibly be of any interest to

anybodyotherthanMasonandme?

Therewasayoungmanmarchingacrossthedancefloorwithadeterminedstep.He

lookedvaguelyfamiliar,althoughIwasnotabletoplacehimuntilInoticedthelookof

purefuryonhisfaceandIrememberedourlastencounter.Liam.Mason’sex,andtheguy

whohadtriedtodestroymylifeinafitofjealousrage.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded angrily. “You must be breaking your

injunctionbycomingtotheclub.”

“Injunction?Oh,youmeanthefakeoneyourcousinnearlylosthisjobover?”Liam

wasnottheonlyonetobeangry.Iwastooafterallthetroublehehadcausedme.Ididn’t

likeconfrontation,butIwasn’tgoingtobetheonetobackdownthistime.“Masonhadit

cancelled.Didn’thetellyou?”

Fromthelookonhisface,Iguessednot.Liamglaredatme,hislipsformingthekind

ofsulkypoutthatIwasusedtoseeingonRufus.Themaliciousgleaminhiseyeswasalso

strangelyfamiliar.

“I guess we didn’t have time for conversation with all the make-up sex we were

having.” Liam shot me a smug look. “That’s where he is now…in bed sleeping it off. I

thinkIworehimout.”

“You’relying.”Itwasn’taquestion.Icouldseethetruthwrittenalloverhisface.“I

betyouhaven’tevenseenhim.”

“Haveso!”Liamsaidchurlishly.

“Bullshit.Youdon’tknowwhereheisanymorethanIdo.”

Ilaughedinhisface,muchtohisannoyance,andturnedmybackonhim.Olliestood

behindthebar,watchingthelittleexchangewithinterest.Ihandedhimbackmyfullglass

and managed to muster a faint smile. It wasn’t his fault Mason’s ex was a complete

psycho.

“Youokay,E?”

“Yeah,I’mfine,Ollie,butIthinkI’mgoingtocallitanight.”

“Yousure?Don’tletthatjumpeduplittlegobshitescareyouaway.”

“It’snotthat.”Ididn’twanttoberude,butIwishedhewouldjustletmego.Thelast

thing I wanted was anyone making a fuss. I just wanted to go home, curl up in bed and

feelsorryformyself.EventhoughIwasignoringLiam,Icouldstillsensehimhovering

behindme,hishatefulgazeshootingdaggersintomyback.

“Listen, E, don’t think I’m propositioning you or anything, but…” Ollie leaned

forwardandloweredhisvoice.“Comeintotheoffice.Iwanttoshowyousomething.”

“Ollie,I’mnotsure…”Ibegandoubtfully.Itwasn’tasifIwasMason’sboyfriend.I

didn’tknowhowhe’dfeelaboutmebeinginhisoffice,especiallywithanotherguy,andI

couldn’timaginewhatitwasOlliewantedtoshowmethatcouldn’tbedoneinpublic.

“Guys, I’m taking a break,” Ollie said to the other bartenders. He came out from

behindthecounterandgrabbedmyhand.“Comeon,E.Thisisimportant.”

“I’mtellingMace,”LiamthreatenedasOlliepushedpasthim.

Tellinghimwhat,exactly?NodoubtLiamthoughtmywalkingoffhandinhandwith

a guy meant he had gained some kind of victory over me. Then I remembered that

Mason’s phone was switched off so unless Liam had a different number for him that I

wasn’tprivyto,hehadnomorechanceofreachingMasonthanIdid.

Ollie pulled me into the manager’s office and closed the door behind us. I waited

patiently,whilehewenttothedeskandbeganriflingthroughapileofpaperwork.Itonly

tookafewsecondsbeforehemadeatriumphantsoundinhisthroatandturnedtomewith

asmile.

“Foundit,”hesaid,handingmeapieceofpaperwithanaddresswrittenonit.“Boss

saidwewerenevertogiveitouttoanyone,butI’mgoingoutonalimbhere,andthinking

hemeantthatlittlegold-diggeroutthere.Notyou.”

“Whatisit?”

“That’s where Mace has gone. I heard the bar manager talking about it earlier.

Apparently,that’shissister’saddress.”Ollieleanedbackagainsttheedgeofthedesk,his

arms folded across his chest. He looked please with himself. “I remembered seeing the

address when I was in here…well, never mind what I was doing, or who I was doing it

with.”

Istaredatthepieceofpaperinmyhand.ObviouslyMasonhadnotgottenaroundto

telling me his sister lived in France. Thankfully, I had packed my passport when I left

Rufus, but I still had no transport and no money. She might as well have lived on the

moonforallthehopeIhadofgettingthere.

OllieletmeleavethroughthestaffentrancesothatIdidn’thavetogobackthrough

theclubandriskrunningintoLiamagain.Thepieceofpaper,nowneatlyfolded,burneda

holeinmypocket.IknewIcouldn’tjustleaveit.Masonhadcomeafterme.Nowitwas

myturntogoafterhim.AllIhadtodowasfigureoutwheretogetthemoneyIneededto

get to France. I could borrow it from my mother, but then I’d have to tell her about

splittingupwithRufus(whichshe’dbehappyabout),almostgettingsuspendedfrommy

job(whichshewouldbefuriousabout),andthenI’dhavetoexplainhowIwastakingoff

toFrance–onwhatcouldbeawildgoosechase–tohuntdownaninternationallyfamous

rock star. That was a conversation that would not go well. It would be pointless asking

Stefan and Alex because they didn’t have the money any more than I did. Rufus might

havemoneyatthatprecisemoment,butIdidn’tkidmyselfhewouldpartwithanyofitto

helpmeout.Thatleftoneoption.

IdialledthenumberKilliganhadgivenmeearlierandhopedhe’dmeantitwhenhe’d

saidIcouldcallhimforanything.

Chapter19

Despite my absolutely appalling abuse of the French language, the taxi driver somehow

recognised the address I gave him. At least, I thought he did. There had been a lot of

enthusiasticnoddingandaquiteliberaluseoftheword‘oui’–whichwasprettymuchthe

extentofmyFrench–andthenhedroppedmeattheendofalongdrivethatledtoahuge,

oldhouse.Iquestionedwhetheritwastherightplace,buthemerelywavedcheerilyand

droveaway.

Ithrewmybackpackovermyshoulderandbegantowalkuptowardthehouse.Over

totheleft,Icouldseearowofneat,littlegȋtes.MaybethetaxidriverhadassumedIwas

here for a holiday and renting out one of the gȋtes. It certainly looked like it was a nice

placetostay,butIwasabitdubiousofmychancesoffindingMasonhere.

“Whatdoyouwant?”

Ilookedup,surprised.Awomanstoodonthestepsofthebighouse,herarmsfolded

acrossherchestassheglaredatme.ShewasdefinitelyEnglish–andevenmoredefinitely

unfriendly.Iwonderedifallofherguestsgotsuchafrostyreceptionorifitwasjustme

shehadtakenaninstantdisliketo.

“Sorry,”Isaid.“IthinkImustbeinthewrongplace.”

“Thatdepends,”sheanswered.“Whichoneareyou?”

“Whichone?”Irepeated,staringatherblankly.“Isorry.Idon’tunderstand.”

Shecamedownthesteps,herexpressionpositivelyglacial.Iresistedtheurgetotake

astepbackward.ShewasnotallerthanIwas,butIknewfromexperiencethatshortgirls

were not to be messed with. What they lacked in height, they made up for in attitude. I

didn’tknowwhoshewasorwhyshedidn’tlikeme,butshesureasshitscaredtheHell

outofme.

“Are you Eric?” she asked, enunciating each syllable with deliberate care as though

shewasspeakingtoanimbecile.“OrareyouLiam?”

“I’m…um…Eric,” I said hesitantly, wondering if there was a right answer to her

question.“Youmustbethesister.”

“Lizzie.” It was like some sort of internal switch had suddenly been flipped. Gone

was the passive aggression and steely-eyed gaze, and with it the ice-queen persona. She

threwherarmsaroundme,huggingmesotightIswearIheardacoupleofribscrack.“I

can’tbelieveyoucame.Imean–ItoldMasonyouwould,buthesaidyouwerebackwith

yourboyfriendanditwasover.”Sheheldmeatarms’length,hereyessearchingmyface.

“You’renot,areyou?Backwiththeex?”

“No.Iknowitlookedbad,butitwasasetup.MasontookoffbeforeIcouldexplain.”

Lizzienoddedinunderstanding.“Yes,well…mybrotherhasalwayshadatendencyto

actfirstandthinklater.He’swhatyoumightcallhighmaintenance,asisbefittinghisrock

androlllifestyle.Notsogreatwhenitcomestofindingaboyfriend–orratherkeeping

one.”

“Havetherebeen…hashehadmany?”IaskedasIfollowedherupthestonestepsto

thefrontdoorofthebighouse.

“Sweetheart, if you’re asking how many men my brother has slept with, I couldn’t

begin to tell you. Hell, I don’t even want to know! But, if you’re asking about actual

boyfriends,then…no,therehasn’tbeenthatmany.Three,maybefour,thatyoumightcall

serious.”

“Was Liam serious?” I was pretty sure I already knew the answer to that one, but I

wantedtohearitfromsomeonewhoknewMasonwellandcaredforhim.

“Liam?” Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Liam was a mistake. A meaningless fling who

doesn’tknowwhentobackoff.You,however–thewayMasontalkedaboutyou,itwas

loveatfirstsight.”

“Really?”IknewIwasblushingasIfollowedLizzieacrossthevast,tiledfloorofthe

foyer.

“Oh, I know it sounds horribly romantic,” Lizzie said. She turned to smile at me.

“Anyone would think you were the famous one. Poor Mason never stood a chance. He

waspositivelystarstruckfromthestart.”

“Star struck?” I stopped walking and stared at her. “It’s funny, you’re the second

persontosaythat.”

“Well, then it must be true.” Lizzie pointed along a wide corridor. “He’s in the

sunroomattheend.”

She placed her hands on my shoulders and gave me a push in the direction she had

just indicated. I walked slowly along the corridor, suddenly nervous. Lizzie might be

pleased to see me, but her brother could have a different opinion. He had left me in

Weymouth,andfled–notjustbacktoLondon–butallthewaytoSouthernFrance.He

hadleftstrictinstructionsattheclubnottorevealhiswhereaboutstoanyone.Whatifhe

wasangrythatIwasthere?WhatifhefoundoutfromwhomIhadgottentheaddressand

Ollielosthisjob?Or,whatifMasontoldmetofuckoffbacktoEngland,meaningIhad

borrowed all that money from Killigan for nothing? I glanced over my shoulder to see

Lizziewatchingfromtheendofthecorridor.

“Go on!” she mouthed her encouragement and made a shooing motion with her

hands.

Itookadeepbreathandopenedthedoor.Masonstoodwithhisbacktome,hisphone

heldtohisear.HeturnedasIenteredtheroomandhiseyeswidenedwithshock.Muchto

my relief, he seemed more surprised than angry to see me. Then again, he didn’t look

exactlyoverjoyedbymyappearanceeither.

“Yeah,listen,Mac,I’llhavetocallyouback,”hesaidintothephone.“Yeah,yeah.

Fiveminutes,Iswear.”

Hehungupanddroppedthephoneontothecushionofthechairhewasstoodnextto.

We stared at each other, wordlessly. Mason looked almost edible in faded jeans and a

black, V-neck t-shirt. I dropped my backpack to the floor, and wished I had gone to the

hoteltofreshenupinsteadofrushingstraightoutherefromtheairport.Ilookedamess

andIhadtostinktohighHeaven.

“You’re here.” Okay, so that was a case of stating the obvious in a totally non-

committal tone of voice. Mason had yet to smile or give any indication that he actually

wantedmethere.

“YouchasedaftermewhenIranawaytoWeymouth,”Isaidlightly.“Itonlyseemed

fairIdothesamewhenyourunawaytoFrance.”

“Howdoesyourboyfriendfeelaboutthat?”

“Ihaven’tgotaboyfriend.Iwaskindofhopingyouwantedthejob.”

Masonsnorted.“IknowwhatIsaw,Eric.Ithought–”

“You saw what Rufus wanted you to see,” I interrupted. “And you thought exactly

whathewantedyoutothink.”

“Meaning?”

“MeaningI’mnotbackwithRufus.Ineverwas.He’snottheoneIwant,Mason.You

are.”

Masonbowedhishead,andstoodwithhishandsonhiships.Hewasquiet,however,

andItookthatasasignhewasatleastlisteningtome.

“I’mnotsureIbelieveinloveatfirstsight.I’vejustcomeoutofarelationshipwith

someoneIthoughtIloved.SomeoneIthoughtlovedme.So,youhavetounderstandwhy

Imightfeelabitwaryrightnow.Idolikeyou,Mason.Ireallylikeyou.Iwanttobeina

relationship with you and see if we can make it work. But, if we’re going to give us a

chance,weneedtostoprunningawayfromeachother.”

“Iwantthattoo,but…”

“But what?” I pressed, when it became clear Mason was not about to finish the

sentencewillingly.

Hesighed,andlookedupatmewithasurprisinglyguiltyexpression.“Imighthave

donesomethingreallystupid.”

“Okay.”

Washetryingtotellmehehadalreadybeenwithsomeoneelse?Myheartplummeted

inmychestatthethoughthecouldhavemovedonsoquickly.Hesaidhewantedtobe

with me so obviously the other guy didn’t mean anything to him, but it still hurt. Rufus

hadcheatedonme,numeroustimesaccordingtoStefan,andIdidn’tthinkIcouldbeina

relationshiplikethatagain.Ididn’twanttoshareMason.Morethanthat,Iwantedtobe

with someone for whom I was enough. Someone who wanted me and only me and

wouldn’thavetheirheadturnedbyeveryprettyfacetheymet.

“ThatwasArcadia’smanagerIwastalkingtoonthephone,”Masonsaid.Heranhis

hands through his thick hair, and gave an exasperated groan. “I thought you were back

withRufus.ThelastthingIwantedwastoseeyouandhimcomingintoKeane’s,looking

allhappytogether.”

“So?” I was confused, not sure what it was he was trying to tell me. I wished he

wouldgettothepointandputmeoutofmymisery.

“So…I’mgoingbacktotheband.IjustagreedtoperformatabigcharitygiginNew

York,andthengostraightintothestudiotolaydownsomenewtracks.Afterthat,Mac

wantsArcadiatotour.LetthefansseeI’mback.”

“Howlongwillyoubegone?”

It was a relief, in some small way that his strange reaction was not down to my

presencebeingunwelcome.Igotwhathewassayingthough.Howcouldwehopetobuild

arelationshipifhewasgoingtobeontheroadforGodknowshowlong?

“Months,”Masonadmitted.“Ayear,maybemore.”

“Do you ever think fate is against us?” I asked, with a sad smile. “We should just

acceptit,Mason.We’renotmeanttobe.”

“Don’tsaythat.”Masonsteppedforwardandwrappedhismassivearmsaroundme.

He rested his forehead against mine. “I know you want to take things slowly, but this

might be our last chance to make this thing work. That’ll never happen if we’re on

oppositesidesoftheAtlantic.So,please…comewithme.”

“ToAmerica?”Itippedmyheadbackandstaredupathim,surprised.“Mason,Ican’t

just…”

“Whynot?WhatisthereforinyouinLondon?Ajobyouhate?Yourex-boyfriend?”

Itwasn’tthatIparticularlyhatedmyjob–orRufus,forthatmatter–butAmerica?

Temptingasitsounded,Ididn’twanttobetotallydependentonMason.

“YoucanbeArcadia’spersonalmedic,”Masonsaid,readingmymind.“I’llgetyou

onthepayroll.Please,Eric.Ineedyoutherewithme.”

“Idon’tknowwhattosay…”

“Sayyes!”Lizzie’sexcitedvoicecamefromthehallway,andIwonderedifshehad

beenoutlisteningtousallalong.

“You’d better listen to her,” Mason warned with mock seriousness. “She gives a

wickedChineseburnifshedoesn’tgetherownway.”

“Inthatcase,”Isaid,hardlyabletobelievewhatIwasabouttosay.“Yes.”

Chapter20

We spent a few blissful days at the house in France, making plans and getting to know

eachother–emotionally,physicallyandintimately.Iknewitanywayfromthefirsttime

we slept together, but Mason was an amazing lover. Sex was suddenly something

incrediblyhotandpassionate,ratherthanperfunctoryandmundane.Ididn’trealisewhatI

hadbeenmissingoutonuntilMasonopenedmyeyestonewandexcitingwaysofmaking

love.Thefirsttimehedroppedtohiskneesinthemiddleofthedayandtookmydickin

hismouthIhadbeenmortified,knowinganyonecouldwalkinandseeus.Oncehegotto

workwithhistongue,Ididn’tcare.Letthemwatch.Theyshouldpayfortheprivilegeof

witnessingMason’simpressiveperformance.

Mason,apparently,likedtogivehead.Hedidn’tcarewherewewereorwhathourof

thedayitwas.Funnilyenough,itturnedoutIquitelikedtoreceiveittoo.Itwasn’tlikeI

walked about with my dick hanging out on a permanent basis, but I had to admit there

weretimeswhenIcleverlyengineeredanencounterortwo.

But,likeallgoodthings–astheoldsayingwent–thosehappy,relaxed,sexydays

hadtocometoanend.MasonleftforNewYorkandIflewhometoLondon.Despitethe

fact I had the keys to Mason’s apartment in my pocket, I went back to Marcie and

Killigan’s. It wouldn’t feel right staying above the club without him. Besides, my stuff

wasalreadyattheirhouseanditdidn’tseemworththeeffortofpackingtogotoMason’s

foracoupleofdays,packingagaintogotomymother’s,andthenpackingyetagaintogo

andjoinMasoninAmerica.

We had agreed that while he reunited with the other members of Arcadia and

rehearsedforthecharityperformance,Iwouldreturnhometosortafewthingsoutbefore

flyingtoAmerica.IhadtotellthehospitalIwasnotgoingbacktowork,forastart,about

which I felt surprisingly calm. That resigning from my job was not giving me a panic

attackwasalltheproofIneededthatleavingwastherightthingtodo.Ihadtopayavisit

tomymotherandtellherinpersonthatIwasgivingupeverythingtogoontourwitha

rocksingerIhadonlymetafewweeksago.Facingmymotherwasascarierprospectthan

telling the hospital I quit. She would probably be pleased to hear Rufus was out of the

picture.PerhapsnotsopleasedtohearMasonhadtakenhisplace.

Initially,IhadplannedtosellmycaronceIhaddrivenittoseemymother.Mason

had heard from the garage while we were in France, and he had arranged for it to be

dropped off at Killigan’s. It was on the driveway when I got back, not only fixed, but

looking ten times better than it had before it was trashed. God only knows why, but I

decidedIwouldgiveittoRufus.HeneededitmorethanIdid,althoughhe’dhavetofind

another mug to pay for the tax, insurance and petrol. It wasn’t that I felt I owed him

anything, and knowing Rufus he wouldn’t even be grateful. Whatever had happened

betweenus,Ididn’thatehim.Iwantedhimtobeokayandself-sufficientandhavinghis

owncarwouldhelp.

Not that I was brave enough to deliver it to him personally. Killigan had agreed to

take the car to Rufus once I left for New York. All the tears and tantrums in the world

wouldbepointlessifIwasalreadygone.RufuswaswellawarethatKilliganwasnothis

biggest fan. I doubted he would waste his energy kicking off in front of someone who

didn’tgiveashit.

I was sat at the dining room table, going through the paperwork, when my phone

rang.Stefan’snameflasheduponthescreenandIfeltaslightpangofguilt.Ihadn’ttold

himyetthatIwasgoingtoAmericawithMason.HeandAlexwouldbehappyforme,I

wassure,butStefanwasstillclosefriendswithRufus.Itstilldidn’tseemfairtoputhim

inapositionwherehehadtochoosewherehisloyaltieslay.

“Hi,Stefan.”

“Hey,Eric.Idon’tsupposeyou’veheardfromRufus,haveyou?”

“No,sorry.Ihaven’tspokentohimsinceweleftyours.”

Immediately,mymindstartedracing.StefanknewthesituationbetweenRufusandI.

HeknewitwasoversowhywouldhethinkRufuswouldbetalkingtomeandnothim?

Stefan’s voice held an obvious note of concern and I began to worry myself. What if

Rufus had gone clubbing and picked up the wrong guy? What if he was hurt? Lying

unconscioussomewhere?

“He’scalledeverydaysinceyoutwosplitup,”Stefanadmitted.Hesoundedalittle

guilty, and I really didn’t want things to be awkward between us. Truthfully, I was glad

that his and Rufus’ friendship remained strong. It was a good thing that Rufus had

someonewhowouldlookoutforhim.“I’vetriedcallinghim,buthe’snotansweringhis

phone.”

“I’msurehe’sfine,”IsaidwithaconfidenceIdidn’tfeel.“YouknowwhatRufusis

like.He’sprobablystilltuckedupinbedwithlastnight’strick.”

“That’swhatAlexsaid.”Stefandidn’tsoundlikehewasinclinedtobelieveeitherof

us.“Canyoucallhim,Eric?Orgoroundthere?Hemighttalktoyou.”

“I’m not so sure.” I hated myself for my reluctance, but just because I didn’t hate

Rufus and was giving him my car, it didn’t mean I was in any hurry to see him face to

face.Iwouldmuchratherslipawaywithoutanyfussorattention.“Especiallyifhe’swith

anotherguy.”

“Iguessyou’reright.”Stefansighed.“Justcallmeifyouhearfromhim,okay?”

I agreed, extracted a promise from Stefan that he would do the same if he spoke to

Rufus first, and hung up the phone. Almost immediately it rang again. This time it was

Rufus’ name on the screen and I frowned. Him calling me straight after Stefan was the

kindofcoincidenceIdidn’tbelievein.Hadtheyplottedtogether?Stefanphoningfirstto

voice his concerns and worry me enough to make sure I answered Rufus’ call when it

came?

“Rufus.”Ikeptmytoneneutral.

“Hi,Eric.Iwas…um…wonderingifyoucouldcomeoverforabit.”

“Idon’tknow,Rufus.”Iranahandovermyeyes,andcursedmybadluck.Another

couple of hours and I wouldn’t be here. I’d be cruising along the motorway toward my

mother’s house and seeing Rufus wouldn’t even be an option. “I’m not sure it’s a good

idea.”

“Please.Justtotalk.Nothingelse,Ipromise.”

Idetectedanoteofdesperationinhisvoice,whichwassototallyoutofcharacterfor

RufusthatitmademethinkStefanwasrighttobeworriedabouthim.Rufusdidn’tknowI

wasallsettoleavewithMason,andifhedidhewouldbeangryandloud,notpleading

withmeinasmall,tremulousvoice.

“MaybewhenIgetback,”Iofferedheart-heartedly.“I’mliterallyonmywayoutof

thedoor,Rufus.Igoingtoseemymum,butI’llbebackinacoupleofdays.”

Backforallofonenightbeforegettingonaplaneandleavingthecountryforatleast

thenexttwelvemonths,butIdidn’ttellRufusthat.Hewasactingweirdenoughalready,

withoutmeaddingtoit.Ireallydidn’twanttohurthim,butIwasnotpreparedtoplayhis

gamesanylongereither.

“A couple of days!” Rufus’ dismay was palpable, even over the phone. “You can’t.

Youdon’tunderstand…”Hetookadeep,shudderingbreathasthoughhewastryingnotto

cry. I knew from bitter experience that Rufus was not above using tears to get his own

way,butifthatwashisintent,whywouldhetryandhidethemfromme?“Please,Eric.

Twodays…Ican’t…”Hisvoicecracked,andthistimetherewasadefinitesob.“Can’t

youcomebeforeyougotoyourmum’s?Please,Eric.Please.”

Itwasthefinalpleasethatswayedme.Rufushardlyeversaidplease.Hedemanded

andinsisted.Hethrewdivastylestropsandgotmostindignantwhenhedidn’tgetwhathe

wanted.Heneverbegged.

“Fine,”Isaid,smotheringasigh.“I’llcallinbeforeIsetofftoMum’s,butIwon’tbe

abletostaylong,Rufus,sosparemethecrocodiletears,okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed with a watery sounding sniffle. “But can you come soon? Like

now?It’sjust—”

Ipulledthephoneawayfrommyearandstaredatit,worryandconfusiongnawingat

mybelly.Whathadhebeenabouttosay?Andwhyhangupmid-sentence?Eitherthere

wassomethingseriouslywrongorRufusreallywasplayingmebigtime.Maybehe’dcut

thecalloffdeliberatelysothatIwouldpanicandgorushingstraightoverthere.

“You okay, Eric?” Killigan walked into the dining room, pulling his suit jacket on

overacrispwhiteshirt.“Youlookamillionmilesaway.”

“Ithoughtyouwereatwork.”

“I just had to pop home to get something. I’m heading straight back to the station

now.So…”HepointedtomyphonewhereIhadlaiditdownonthetable.“I’llaskyou

again.Iseverythingokay?”

“I’mnotsure.IjusthadareallyweirdphonecallfromRufus.”

Killiganrolledhiseyes.NowthatRufusandIhadsplitup,hedidn’tevenpretendin

frontofmethathelikedhim.“Whatdoeshewantnow?”

“HeaskedtoseemebeforeIgotomymum’shouse.Hesoundedupset.”

“DoesheknowaboutyouandMason?”Killiganasked,obviouslythinkingthesame

asIhaddoneinitially–thatRufuswasuptohisoldtricksandpreparedtodoanythingto

stopmefromleaving.

“Idon’tblameyouforthinkinghe’splayinggames,”Isaid.“Trustme,Iknowwhat

he’slike.Hewascryingthough.Hesoundedscared.Hebeggedme,forGod’ssake.Since

whendoesRufusbegforanything?”

“Since he figured out you’re moving on without him,” Killigan said dryly. He

suddenlylookedunsurethough,andIcouldpracticallyseehispoliceman-braingoinginto

overdrive.“Doyouwantmetocomewithyou?”

“Ithoughtyouhadtogetbacktowork?”

“Ido,butanotherhalfhourwon’thurt.I’lljuststickmyheadroundthedoorandsay

hellotoRufus,seewhat’sgoingonwithhim.”

“No,”Isighed.“I’msurethere’snoneed.ThisisRufusbeingRufus.Whateverhe’s

upto,I’msureIcanhandlehim.”

“Well,ifyou’resure…”

Killigansoundedmorerelievedthanheshouldhavedonethathedidn’thavetocome

withmeafterall.ItmademefeelslightlysorryforRufus,becauseheseemedtohavea

naturalabilitytodrivepeopleaway.ItwasonlysinceleavinghimthatIhadcometolearn

Rufuswasnotparticularlywelllikedbyanyonemuch.Myheartachedforhim,because

hecouldactuallybeasweetguywhenhedroppedthebitchy-queenact.

“Callmeifyouneedme,”Killigansaid,headingforthedoor.

I promised I would and he left. I cleared the table of my paperwork before going

upstairstofinishpackingmyovernightbagataleisurelypace.BythetimeIleftthehouse

myself, it had been forty-five minutes since Rufus’ phone call. It didn’t matter, I told

myself,climbingintomycar.Hecouldwait.

Chapter21

Parkinginmyoldspotfeltstrange,eventhoughithadonlybeenacoupleofweekssinceI

lastdidit.Iwalkedslowlyupthepath,hopingIhadn’tmadeamistakebycominghere.

HopingthatRufuswouldbehavehimselfandletmegowithoutturningitintosomebig

drama.

I knocked on the door and waited impatiently for him to answer. I thought I heard

muffledvoicesfrominsidetheflat,soeitherRufushadthetelevisionondamnloudorhe

had company. And if he had company, why the Hell was he so desperate for me to be

there? If he thought the offer of a threesome might persuade me to stay he was sadly

mistaken.Thathadneverbeenmythingandheknewit.

RufusopenedthedoorandIgaspedinshockatthesightofhisashenface.Apurple

bruise blossomed nicely on his left cheek and his bottom lip was split and bloodied.

Without hesitating, I stepped into the hallway and gathered him in my arms. Rufus fell

againstmychest,tearspouringfreelydownface.

“Eric,I’msorry.I’mso,sosorry.”

“Hey,youdon’thavetoapologisetome,”Isaid,rockinghimgentlywhilehecried.

“Whathappened?Pleasetellmethiswasn’tsomeguyyoupickedupinKeane’s.”

“Inamannerofspeaking,”anunwelcomevoicesaid.Atthesametime,thefrontdoor

clickedshutbehindme.“Imean,hedidpickmeupinKeane’s.Ijustdon’tthinkhegot

thekindofpoundinghewasexpecting.I’dnevercheatonMasonthough.Youknowthat.”

I swung around to glare at Liam and stopped dead at the sight of gun in his hand.

Instinctively,IpulledRufusbehindme,shieldinghisbodywithmine.Therewasawild

lookinLiam’seyesthattoldmehewascrazyenoughtopullthetrigger.Imusthaveleda

shelteredlifebecauseIcouldn’tevenbegintoimaginehowhemanagedtogetagun.Not

that it mattered where it came from. What mattered was that he had the thing and was

capableofusingit.

“Let Rufus go,” I said with a calm I most certainly didn’t feel. “He’s nothing to do

withthis.”

“Heisthough,isn’the?Ifyourboyfriendwasn’tsuchaslut,youwouldn’thavetried

toreplacehimwithmine.”

“Itwasn’tlikethat…”

“Oh,ofcourseitwaslikethat.LittleRufuswasn’tenoughforyouanymoresoyou

triedgettingyourclawsintoMasoninstead.”

“Look,ifyouwanttotalkaboutMason,wecan.Butjustyouandme.Rufusdoesn’t

needtobehere.”

“Yes, he does!” Liam yelled. “He’s part of this. He sold you out once and he could

havedoneitagain.Allhehadtodowastellmewhereyouwereandherefused.Maybehe

reallydoesloveyou.Ormaybehedoesn’t.Hedidgetyouhere,afterall.”

“Heheldtheguntomyhead,”Rufuswhimpered.“Hesaidhe’dshootmeifIdidn’t.”

“Not your fault, baby.” I reached behind me and grabbed Rufus’ hand. He held on

tight,andIcouldfeelthetremorsrunningthroughhisbody.“I’mgladyoucalledme.”

“Well,isn’tthatsweet.”Liamsneeredatus.Istaredhimdown,keepinghisfocuson

myfaceandprayinghewouldn’tnoticewhenIsurreptitiouslyguidedRufus’shandtothe

backofmyjeans.Thankfully,RufuscottonedontowhatIwantedhimtodoandIfelthim

slidemyphoneoutofmypocket.“Youreallywantyourbreadbutteredbothsides,don’t

you?What?AreyoukeepingpooroldRufusinreserveforwhenmyMasonkicksyouin

totouch?”

“Rufusisstillmyfriend,”Isaid.“Idon’twanttoseehimhurtmorethanhealready

hasbeen.Please.Justlethimgo.”

“Sohecancallthepolice?Idon’tthinkso.”Liamlookedupanddownthehallway,

hisbrowcreasedintoafrown.Mentally,Icrossedmyfingersthathewasthinkingabout–

ifnotreleasingRufusaltogether–atleastshuttinghiminoneoftherooms;awayfromus

andawayfromthegun.Hedidn’tknowRufusnowhadmyphoneand,ifwewerelucky,

he wouldn’t think to search him. “Okay, Rupert…” Liam opened the door to the coat

cupboard.“Getinthere.”

“It’sRufus,”RufusandIbothsaidonreflex.Maybeitseemedtrivialinthelightof

whatwashappening,butjustforonce,Iwishedsomeonewouldgethisnameright.Given

hehadbeenheldhostageandhadafuckinggunpointedathishead,itseemedtheleast

Liamcoulddo.

“Fine.Rufus…whatever.”Liamgesturedtothecupboardwiththegun.

Rufus clambered inside awkwardly, fighting for space with our winter coats, the

hooverandawholeheapofotherjunkthesmallcupboardwashometo.Liamshuthimin

andleanedagainstthedoor.AsIhadhoped,hehadn’tcheckedRufus’pockets,butwith

himstayingbythedoorthewayhewas,Iwouldhavetodistracthimsohedidn’toverhear

Rufusmakingacall.ThatwasassumingRufuscouldevengetasignalinthere.Inallthe

timeIhadlivedintheflat,Ihadneverfeltaneedtotestforbarsinthecoatcupboard.

“So,whathappensnow?”

IhadnoideawhyIdidn’tfeelmorescaredthanIdid.Maybetrainingandworkingas

anursehadsomethingtodowithit.I’dfacedmyfairshareofdifficult,angry,aggressive

ordownrightunbalancedpatientsinmytime,althoughIhadtoadmit–noneofthemhad

ever pointed a gun at me. But then nor had any of them seen me as the only obstacle

betweenthemandtheloveoftheirlife.Ormaybeitwentbacktomychildhood,andmy

mother’singrainedbeliefthatyouhadtodealwiththesituationthatwasinfrontofyou,

evenifyoucried,shoutedandhadanervousbreakdownonceitwasover.Whateverthe

reason,IknewIhadtostaycalmifRufusandIweregoingtogetoutofthisalive.For

now,atleast,Rufuswasoutofthedirectlineoffire,butIdidn’tkidmyselfhewasany

saferinthecupboardthanhewasoutinthehallway.

“IwantyoutostayawayfromMace.”

Iswallowedhard.WonderedhowmuchheknewandifIwouldgetawaywithlying.

IfIsaidthewrongthing–ifLiamthoughtIwasplayinghim–theconsequenceswouldbe

fatal. God knows what his background was, but I had never seen a real gun before yet

Liamwieldeditlikeapro.Sofar,Ihadn’tseenthehandthatheldthegunwavereventhe

tiniestbit.

“Staying away won’t be hard,” I said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. “He’s

gone.”

“Gone?” Liam’s jaw dropped. I was careful not to react, because if he didn’t know

Masonhadleftthecountry,thenhedidn’tknowIplannedtogowithhim.“Gonewhere?”

“I don’t know.” The lie left my lips with ease. Maybe I’d learned more from Rufus

thanIgavehimcreditfor.“I’msorry,Liam.Itlookslikeheleftbothofus.”

“He wouldn’t leave me,” Liam said with utter conviction. “We’re soul mates. Mace

lovesme.”

“You’reright.”Idroppedmygazetothefloor,hopingIlookedsufficientlydefeated

toappeaseLiam.Ifhethoughthehadwon,hemightleavequietly.TheworstthingIcould

do was be confrontational. Let him think I was weak and not worth the trouble if he

wanted.AllIcaredaboutrightthenwasgettingRufusandmeoutoftherealive.“Hewas

neverreallyinterestedinme.Ifyouwentafterhim,showedhimhowmuchyoulovehim

–I’msurehe’dseeyou’retheonehebelongswith.”

Wasitfairtofeedintohisdelusion?Probablynot.ButRufus’safetywasmypriority,

notLiam’smentalwelfare.Iwouldsayanythingtogethimtoputthegundownandleave.

MasonwasthousandsofmilesawayinNewYorksothechanceofLiamactuallygetting

tohimwastheleastofmyworries.Hewouldbearrestedbeforeheevenfoundoutwhere

Masonwas.Ijustneededhimtoputdownthedamngun…

“Iknowhelovesme,”Liamsaidslowly,soundingdistant,asthoughhewasspeaking

tohimselfmorethantome.“WhichiswhyIdon’tunderstandwhyhewouldgoonthat

datewithyou?”

“Itwasn’treallyadate.Myfriendswerethere,andaboutamillionotherpeople.”

“Hestillwent,though!”Liam’svoiceraisedanotch.“Isawthepictures!Thepress

saiditwasadate…”

“Tomakeyoujealous!”Isaidquickly,notdaringtolookupandmeethiscrazedeyes

or see that gun still pointing in my direction. “Ask anyone who was there that night. I

barelyspoketohim.Ithinkhewasonlytherebecauseheknewyouwouldfindoutabout

itandwanthimback.”

“Youreallythinkso?”

Thesuddenhopeinhisvoicefilledmewithguilt,becauseno,ofcourseIdidn’tthink

so.IknewhavinganythingtodowithLiamagainwasjustaboutthefurthestthingfrom

Mason’smind.Itwasscarythough,thespeedatwhichLiam’smoodseemedtochange.If

Isaidthewrongthing,hecouldeasilyflipbacktheotherway.Hewasmuchmorelikely

to shoot me if he was angry and upset, than if he believed he still had a chance with

Mason.

“I’m going to talk to him,” Liam said happily, and I glanced up, surprised to see a

widegrinonhisface.Christ,theguywaslivinginafriggingfantasyland.Therewasno

telling what he would do when he discovered the truth about Mason. I only hoped I

wouldn’tbearoundtoseeit.Notdead,obviously.Justelsewhere.LikeinAmericawith

my boyfriend. “He’s so silly,” Liam trilled, his eyes glazed as though he was already

imagining his and Mason’s reunion. “I don’t need to take him back because we never

reallysplitupinthefirstplace.Iknewfromthestartthathewasn’tinterestedinyou.”

“So…sodoesthatmeanyou’llputthegundown?”

“Whatthis?”Liamlookedsurprised,asthoughhe’dforgottenhewasstillpointinga

weaponatmychest.“It’snotlikeithasanybulletsinit.It’snotevenreal.”

“What?”

“It’sareplica.Apropfromatheatregroupmymatebelongsto.”Liamstaredatme,

bemused,asthoughIwastheonewithascrewloose.“Ionlyhadittoscare–”

ItwasatthatpointIdidsomethingIhadneverdonebeforeinmylife.Ipuncheda

maninthefaceandknockedhimoutcold.

Chapter22

Afterward, I was running on auto-pilot. I checked Liam’s vitals and put him in the

recoveryposition.HegroanedwhenIrolledhimontohissidesoIfiguredhewouldlive.I

pulled a frightened and tearful Rufus from the coat cupboard and held him while he

sobbed into my shoulder. He had, he managed to inform me between gulps, called the

police and Killigan too. I dragged Rufus with me, a dead weight around my neck, and

openedthefrontdoor.

Wesatonthefloorbytheopendoorandwaited,earsstrainingforthesoundofsirens.

Maybetheywouldn’tusethem,Ithought,knowingtheywereontheirwaytoahostage

situation.Theywouldn’triskspookinganarmedman,andobviouslytheyhadnowayof

knowingthatthegunwasafakeorthathehadalreadybeendisarmed.

ItookmyphonebackfromRufusandcalledmymother,lettingherknowIwouldbe

gettingtherelaterthanplannedwithoutexplainingwhy.Myhandthrobbedwithpainfrom

hittingLiam.Forsomereason,thepainmademeangryandIfeltlikegoingovertohim

andthumpinghimagainforgoodmeasure.

Across the hallway, Liam sat up, groggy and disorientated. He opened his mouth to

saysomethingandIglaredathim.Heshutitagainsharpish.Iwasn’tatoughguy.Nobody

couldhavebeenmoresurprisedthanmewhenIpunchedLiam,butsolongasitkepthim

waryofmeanddownonthefloor,Icouldlivewithit.

Itfeltlikeanagebeforethepolicearrived,althoughinrealityitwasprobablyonlya

matterofminutes.Killiganarrivedhotontheheelsoftheuniformedguys.Oncetheyhad

Liam under arrest I just wanted them all to go away and leave us alone, but Killigan

insisted on taking Rufus to the hospital to get him checked over. Both Rufus and I

protested, saying there was no need until Killigan told us he wanted Rufus’ injuries

documentedforifthecasewenttotrial.Thegunwasn’treal,hepointedout.Liamcould

claimincourtthathehadneverseriouslyintendedtohurtanyone.Anofficialrecordof

hisassaultonRufuswouldprovethelieinthatstatement.

Ididn’tleaveRufus’sidethewholewaytothehospital.NotthatIcouldhaveshaken

himoffeasilyanywaythewayhewasclingingtome.Iheldhishandwhilewewaitedfor

thedoctorandwhilehewaspatchedup,andkeptholdingitwhilewewaitedforsomeone

tocomeandtakephotographicevidenceofhisinjuries.Thenwehadtowaitsomemore

forthedoctortoreleasehim.TherewereacoupleoftimeswhenIheardRufusrefertome

ashisboyfriend,butIletitslide.Thedoctorsaidheprobablyhadaconcussion,andhe

wastiredandupsetenoughasitwas,withoutmeaddingtohiswoesbytellinghimIwas

leavingatthefirstchanceIgot.

Eventually, Killigan drove us home, and insisted on taking us both to his house so

MarciecouldmotherRufushalftodeath.Iagreed,thinkingitwouldbebetterthathehad

peoplearoundhimwhenIleft.Killigan,Iknew,hadneverhadmuchtimeforRufus,but

Marcielovedeveryone.Shecalledthefourofus–me,Rufus,AlexandStefan–herboys.

ShewouldbeoverthemoontohaveRufusaroundtospoilinwaysthatAlexwouldnever

letherdowithhim,thefirstofherlostboys.

Onthejourneybacktothehouse,IrememberedIhadleftmyphoneonthefloorof

Rufus’s hallway. Killigan made a detour so I could pick it up. Rufus didn’t want to go

insidesoIdashedinside,pickedupmyphoneandranbacktothecar.Therewereadozen

missedcallsfromMasonandalmostasmanytexts.Clearlyhewasawaresomethinghad

happened,althoughIhadnoideawhocouldhavetoldhim.Killiganwastheonlyonewho

knewaboutLiamandwhathehaddoneandhedidn’thaveMason’snumber.

Thetextsgrewincreasinglyfranticthelongerhewentwithoutananswer.

Areyouokay?

Whereareyou?

Callme.

Justletmeknowyou’reokay.

Pleasecallme.

Thefinalonehadbeensentlessthantwohoursago.

I’mcomingback.

Shit.Hewassupposedtoberehearsingwithhisbandforthefastapproachingcharity

gig. I didn’t want him to jeopardise anything by racing across the Atlantic to be by my

sidewhentherewasnothingwrongwithme.Iwasn’thurt,upsetorfrightenedlikeRufus.

Maybe later, the emotions would hit me like a ton of bricks, but right then I was more

pissedoffthananything.

Assoonaswepulledintothedriveway,Marcierushedoutofthedoor.Rufusfound

himselfenvelopedinabone-crushinghugbeforehewasevenhalfwayoutofthecar.Isaw

the look of shock on his bruised face before he decided he actually quite liked it and

relaxedintoherembrace.

“Oh,youpoorbaby,”Marciecooed,dragginghimtowardthehouse.“Let’sgetyou

tuckeduponthesofawithablanket,andthenI’llmakeyousomethingtoeat.Youmust

bestarving,andyou’retooskinnybyfar.Don’tyouworry,sweetheart.I’mgoingtotake

goodcareofyou.”

IlookedovertheroofofthecartowhereKilliganstoodwithanindulgentsmileon

hisface.Hecaughtmyeyeandshrugged.

“WhatcanIsay?”Hepattedhisroundedbelly.“Thewoman’safeeder.”

“Maybethat’sagoodthing,”Isaid.“Rufusneedssomeonetolookoutforhim.”

“Doesheknowyet?AboutyouleavingforAmerica?”

“Imightnotbe.Masonsaidhe’scominghome.”

“Callhim.Stophim.”Killigangavemeasternlook.“Thisisyourchancetogetaway

fromhere,Eric.Startsomethingnew.”

“Ican’tcallhimintheStates!Idon’thaveenoughcredit.”

“I do.” Killigan pulled his phone from the pocket of his jacket and passed it to me.

“Callhimnow,beforehegetsonaplane.”

IwaiteduntilKilliganhadgoneintothehouseandthensatbothphonesontheroofof

the car so I could read Mason’s number from mine while punching it into Killigan’s. I

mean,sureIlikedtheguy,butIhadn’tlearnedhisnumberoffbyheart–yet.

Masonansweredonthefirstring.“Christ,Eric,I’vebeenworryingmyselfsickhere.

Areyouokay?”

“I’m fine, Mason,” I told him truthfully, although I realised I felt all the better for

hearinghisvoice.

“Andyourex–Rufus,isn’tit–isheokaytoo?”

“Yeah, Rufus.” It was sweet that Mason was considerate enough to ask after Rufus,

likeheacceptedIwasstillgoingtocareabouthimevenifhewasmyex-boyfriend.“He’s

abitbruisedandupset,buthe’llsurvive.Marcieislookingafterhim.”

“Marcie?”

“Yeah, that’s who I’ve been staying with, remember? Marcie and Killigan. They’re

AlexandStefan’sfriendsreally.”

“Oh, right. That’s good then. I’m glad Rufus is okay.” Mason took a deep breath.

“Eric,I’msosorrythishappened.IknewLiamwasjealous,butIneverdreamedhewould

gothisfar.”

“Howdidyouknow?”Iasked,restingmybackagainstthecarandclosingmyeyes.

Nowthatthedramawasoverandtheadrenalinrushhadwornoff,Iwassurprisedbyhow

tiredIfeltsuddenly.

“Itoldyoubefore;Liam’scousinhandlesallmylegalstuff.Jerry’sacorporatelawyer

really,notacriminalone,butLiamcalledhimwhenhewasarrested.Foronce,Jerrysaw

senseanddecidedtellingmewhatLiamhaddonewasmoreimportantthanprotectinghis

cousin. Anyway,” Mason said, “I’m on my way home. Text me the address of where

you’restaying.I’llbewithyouinafewhours.”

“Mason,youneedtostaywithArcadiaandrehearse,”Iargued.“Pleasedon’tcome

back because of me. I’m fine. I’ll be in New York in a couple of days, just like we

arranged.”

“Toolate.I’malreadyattheairport.”

“Mason…”

“Infact,they’recallingmyflight.Gottogo.”

“Mason,please…”

“I love you, Eric. You said you didn’t believe in love at first sight, but I do and,

howeverlameitsounds,Iloveyou.”

He hung up before I could answer him, which was probably a good thing. While I

couldn’t deny I had strong feelings for Mason, I was hesitant to declare myself in love

withamanIhadknownforonlyamatterofweeks.IlikedMason–IlikedhimalotandI

certainlyhopedwehadafuturetogether,butthatdidn’tmakeitlove.Partoftheproblem

wasthatIstillfoundithardtobelievethatsomeoneasamazingasMasoncouldreallybe

interested in an ordinary nobody like me. The other part, was that I had been burned

before when I’d fallen too hard and fast for a good looking guy. I wanted Mason to be

different.

Iwantedhimtobeforever.

Chapter23

Rufuswasasleepinmybed.He’dmadehopefulnoisesaboutmejoininghim,butIused

hisconcussionasanexcusenotto.Atsomepoint,Ihadtotellhimwewerenotgetting

backtogetherandthatIwasleavingwithMason.Itseemedhardtofindtherighttime.I

wasnotsomuchofabastardthatIwouldembarrassRufusbydumpinghimonhisarsein

frontofKilliganandMarcie,andbythetimethey’dgonetobedandwewerealone,he

wasalreadyhalfasleep.

Isatonthesideofthebed,talkingtohimabouteverythingandanythingexceptwhat

Ireallyhadtotellhim,untilhiseyesclosedandhisbreathingevenedout.Yes,Ifeltlikea

totalratfornotsayinganything,butIstillcaredabouthimenoughnottowanttohurthim.

IfIwashonest,Iwashopingmyknightonshiningchromewouldroarupandcarryme

awaybeforeIhadtosayanythingatall.

As if on cue, my phone pinged with a message. I smiled, even before I opened it,

knowingitmeantMasonwasbackonBritishsoil.

Imissyou.Ihaven’tseenyouinforever.

Itexthimbackimmediately.I’mattheaddressIsentyouearlier.Whereareyou?

I’moutside.Areyoucomingorwhat?

IgrinnedasItuckedmyphoneintomypocketandgrabbedmypackedovernightbag.

Iturned,headingforthedoor,whenRufus’sleepyvoicestoppedmeinmytracks.

“Whereareyougoing?”

“I…um…”Iturnedbacktofacehimwitharesignedsigh.“Mason’shere.I’mgoing

withhim.”

“Mason?”Rufussatup,rubbinghiseyes.“Ithoughtthatwasover.”

“No,IhadtosaythatsoLiamwouldn’tshootus.Ididn’tknowthegunwasafake.

ButMasonandIareverymuchtogether.I’mgoingtoAmericawithhim,Rufus.”

“America?Howlongfor?”

“Idon’tknow.Afewmonths.Maybelonger,dependingonhowitgoes.”

“Whataboutme?”

There was a petulant tone to his voice now, which actually made me smile. Most

likely, he thought he could change my mind by sulking, the way he had done so many

timesbefore.Butallhewasdoingwasshowingmethattheold,selfishRufuswasalive

andwell.Hewouldsurvivewithoutme.Hemightwantmetostay,buthedidn’tneedme.

“You’llbeokay,”Isaid.

I walked away, not waiting to hear if he had anything else to say. He was my past

now.Masonwasmyfutureandhewaswaitingforme…

…in a huge, black limousine. A uniformed chauffeur, complete with peaked cap,

stoodbesidethereardoor.TheguyallbutsalutedasIapproachedthecar.Heopenedthe

cardoorandtookmybagfrommeasIslippedintothecool,darkinterior.Beforethedoor

was closed behind me, Mason pulled me into a bear hug, raining kisses down upon my

face.

Embarrassed, I made a futile attempt to wriggle out of his arms as the chauffeur

climbed in to the driver’s seat. Mason refused to let me go, tugging me into his lap and

holdingmethere.

“Have you ever made love in a limousine?” Mason whispered wickedly, his breath

ticklingmyneck.

“No, and I don’t intend to change that right now!” I hissed back furiously, slapping

hiswanderinghandsaway.“EspeciallynotwithJameswatchingintherear-viewmirror.”

Masontippedhisheadbackandstaredatme.“James?”

“You know…” I tilted my head toward the chauffeur. “…home, James, and don’t

sparethehorses.”

“Actually,Ithinkhisname’sJohn,butifhe’sallthatyou’reworriedabout…”Mason

laughed,andreleasedhisholdonmelongenoughtopressabuttononapanelnexttothe

wideleatherseatandaprivacypanelglidedsmoothlyup,sealingusofffromthedriver.

“Thereyougo.Nowhecan’tseeus.”

“Buthecanstillhearus.”

“Nope.Soundproof.”

“Sorry,bigfella.Iloveyou,butitain’tgonnahappen.”

We stilled, staring at each other in shock as we both realised what I had just said.

Masonwasthefirsttoreact,abig,shit-eatinggrinspreadingacrosshisstupidlyhandsome

face.

“Youloveme?”

Inodded,feelingsuddenlyshy.Partofmestilldidn’twanttoadmitthatthiswaslove,

but what else was I supposed to call it when being in his arms felt like coming home?

Whenthesoundofhisvoicesentmyheartracing,andthesightofhimhadmystomach

doingsomersaults?WhenIknew,withoutashadowofadoubt,thatIwantedthisbeautiful

maninmylifefortherestofmylife?Whatwasallofthatifnotlove?

“Well,it’saboutfuckingtime,”Masonsaid,withaself-satisfiedsmirk.

“Evenso,I’mnotdoingitinthebackofalimowithwhat’s-his-facelisteningin.”I

finally wriggled free of his octopus arms and plopped down onto the leather seat beside

him.“Shouldn’twebewearingseatbelts?”

“Eric, you’re about to go on tour with a heavy rock group,” Mason said, pouting

because I’d managed to escape his clutches. “You seriously need to chill, man, not be

worryingaboutseatbeltsandshit.”

“Fine, in that case, I’m going to have to appoint myself as your Health and Safety

OfficeraswellasyourMedic.”Ipushedmyselfbackintheseatandslappedatthehand

snakingitswayupmythigh.“Wherearewegoing?”

“Myplaceovertheclub.”

“Isitsafe?”Iasked,feelinganunexpectedsurgeofpanic.“WhataboutLiam?”

“Isn’thestillincustody?”

“Idon’tknow.Probably.Butwhatiftheylethimgo?”

Masonshookhishead,asifhethoughtIwasworryingaboutnothing.Buthehadn’t

beenthere.Hehadn’tseenthedamagethatLiamhaddonetoRufus,andhedidn’tseemto

realisehowdelusionalhisexreallywas.Hearingaboutitmightbeshocking,butitwasn’t

thesameaslookingintotheeyesofmadnessandnotknowingforsureifyouweregoing

tolivetotellthetale.Myanxietywaswellfounded.OnceLiamwasreleased,hewould

come after me again, especially if he learned Mason was back in the country and I was

with him. If Mason didn’t understand that, then he wasn’t the man I thought he was. I

turnedtostareoutofthewindow,tryingtohidemysuddendisappointment.

“Don’tdothat,Eric,”Masonsaidsoftly.

“Dowhat?”WhattheHellwasheonabout?Don’tlookoutofthewindow?Quickly,

Iblinkedawaytheunexpectedstingoftears.IwishedwewerebackinFrance,because,as

seemed to be our way whenever we were together on British soil, things were heading

Southfast.

“Wepromised,remember?Nomorerunningawayfromeachother.”

“I’mnot,”Iprotested,half-heartedly.Iwasdoingexactlythat,though,inmyheadif

notbodily.“I’mjusttired.”Thatmuchwastrue.Ihadn’thadanysleepandithadbeena

longandexhaustingday.

Masonpulledmeintohisarms,andwhatlittleresistanceIofferedupwasfutileinthe

wake of his superior size and strength. This time, however, he wasn’t all handsy like

before.He’dswappedhissexualpredatoractforthatofconcernedlover,andheheldme

againsthim,pettingmyhairwhileIcriedintohisshoulder.

“Don’tworry,”Masonsoothed,onceIbegantocalmalittle.“Wecangotoahotel

instead of my place. Wherever you want. Have you ever stayed at the Ritz? How about

TheLanesborough?”

“Thanks,”Isaid,“butyoudon’thavetowasteyourmoneyonsomeexpensivehotel

justtomakemefeelbetter.Youknowthat’snotwhatIwantfromyou.”

“Weneedtogosomewhere.Doesitreallymatterwhere?”Masonargued.“It’sonly

foracoupleofnights,andthenweleaveforAmerica.”

“Oh,shit,Ican’tbelieveIforgot!”Isatboltupright,abruptlybreakingthecircleof

Mason’sarms.Hestaredatme,surprisedbymyoutburst.“Ihavetogoandseemymum!

Ican’tgotoAmericawithoutgoingtherefirst.”

“Okay,that’ssettledthen.”Masonflickedtheswitchtolowerthepartitionbetweenus

andthechauffeur.“Changeofplan,John.CanyouheadforAbingdoninOxfordshire?I’ll

giveyoutheaddresswhenwegetcloser.”

“Ofcourse,Sir,”Johnrepliedstoically.Obviously,themanwasquiteaccustomedto

dealingwiththedemandsofcelebrities,becauseheneverbattedaneyelidasheswitched

lanesandputusonaroutethatwouldtakeusoutofthecity.

IwishedIcouldfeelasrelaxed.WhenI’dsaidIhadtogotomymother’s,I’dmeant

later that day. On my own. I hadn’t expected Mason to insist on going straight there,

although in retrospect, I should have known better. This was Mason, after all. It would

never enter his head that my mother could do anything but love him on sight. He was

lucky.Hisfamilyacceptedhimforwhohewas.Minethoughtbeinggaywasachoice,and

something not to be talked about in public. Mum had never liked Rufus on the rare

occasion they were obliged to be in each other’s company. I hadn’t even told her about

splitting up with him yet, and here I was, about to turn up on her doorstep with a new

boyfriend.

“Wait a minute,” I said, turning to face Mason with a frown. “How do you know

wheremymumlives?I’msureInevertoldyou.”

“No, but I told you,” Mason replied casually, “I had my people look into you when

wefirstgottogether.”

“What?ThisisthefirstI’veheardofit.”

“Checking into your background was all part of it.” Mason looked at me with a

butter-wouldn’t-meltexpression.“I’msureImentionedit.”

Iwassurehehadn’t,butIwastootiredtoargueaboutit.Afterall,I’dknownfrom

thestartthatMasonseemedtohavenoconceptofpersonalboundaries.I’dtalktoLizzie,

and we could gang up on Mason and make him understand I needed space to breathe

every now and again. Later, though. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Mason’s

shoulder.Fornow,Ijustwantedtosleep.

Chapter24

Thirty minutes away from Mum’s house, I decided it was still way too early in the

morningtogodraggingheroutofbed.Masonagreed,andaskedJohntodriveustoThe

RandolphHotelinthecentreofOxford.AswithMoonfleetManor,itwasnotthekindof

establishmenttorentroomsbythehour,althoughtheyseemedhappyenoughtomakean

exception for an internationally famous rock star. Chauffeur John returned to London,

afterMasontoldhimwewouldtakeataxitomymother’slaterintheday.

I’dpassedthebuildingdozensoftimesbefore,buthadneversetfootinside.Itwas

nice,althoughIthoughtithadakindofold,fashionedgentlemen’sclubfeeltoitwithall

the deep greens and reds, and wood panelling. Our large room, however, had a more

moderndécor.Itwaslightandairy,andhadagreatviewoftheAshmoleumMuseumon

theothersideoftheroad.

The big bed looked inviting, but suddenly I was no longer as tired as I had been.

MasonandIattackedeachotherwithapassionateintensity,asthoughwehadbeenapart

formonthsinsteadofacoupleofdays.Ididn’tremembergettingundressed.Rather,our

clothesseemedtofallontotheflooroftheirownaccord,beforeMasonpickedmeupand

threwmeontothebed.Helandedontopofme,hismouthseekingmylipshungrily.

Therewasanunwelcome,butthankfullybrief,interruptionwhileMasonjumpedoff

thebedtofindlubeandcondoms.Thenhewasback,makingquickworkofpreppingme

before he pushed inside. Despite the urgency of our coupling, we didn’t fuck. We made

love.Masonwasslowandconsiderate,showeringmewithkisses,puttingmyneeds,my

satisfaction,beforehisown.Afterward,sated,wesleptwrappedineachother’sarms.

Bythetimewewoke,ithadgonenoon.We’donlyhadafewhoursofsleep,but,even

so, we had stayed in bed longer than I had intended. I showered quickly, while Mason

calleddowntothefrontdeskforataxi.ThenheshoweredwhileIcleanedmyteethand

dressed.Howeverlatewewere,turningupatmymother’shousewiththesmellofsexand

sweatonourbodieswasnotreallyanoption.

Lessthananhourlater,wewerepullingupoutsidetheneat,three-bedroomed,semi-

detachedhouseIhadgrownupin.Belatedly,IrealisedIhadforgottentocallherandtell

herwewerecoming.Maybe,inpart,ithadbeenadeliberateoversight,becauseIhadn’t

wantedtoexplainaboutMasonandgiveherthechancetotellmenottobringhim.She’d

beannoyedthatI’dsprunghimonher,butIdoubtedshewouldwanttocauseascenein

frontofthesnootyneighbours.Evenbeforewesteppedoutofthetaxi,Icouldseecurtains

twitching.Probably,Mavis,ontherighthand-side,hadalreadyphonedLindaontheleft,

toalerthertothefactAlice’sboywashomefromLondon.Andhehadamanwithhim!

MumthrewthedooropenbeforeIhadachancetoknock.

“Eric, I wasn’t expecting you. You should have called.” It might have been me she

wastalkingto,buthergazewasfixedfirmlyonMason,whohavingpaidthetaxidriver,

wasfollowingmeupthepath.“IwasjustonmywayouttomeetsomeoftheWIladies

forlunch.”

“Lunch?”Ilookedathersceptically.“Atthistime?”

“Yes,well…it’salatelunch.”Hereyesstillhadn’tleftMason,andIsawherfrown

slightly,asshetriedtoworkoutwhereshemightknowhimfrom.

“Mum,thisis…”

“Mason White,” Mason said, stepping around me and startling my mother by

embracingherwarmly.“NowIseewhereEricgetshisgoodlooks.Youareoneseriously

hotmama.”

“Oh,goodness!”WasthatablushIsaw?I’dneverknownMumblushoveranything,

certainly not over a man. As far as I knew, she didn’t even like men much, and that

includedme.Shehadputupwithme,though,beinghersonandall,butthiscoy,giggling

girlwasasideofherIhadneverseenbefore.ShelaidahandonMason’sarm.“Well,I

wasveryyoungwhenIhadhim,youknow,”sheconfidedinabizarre,girlishvoice.“But,

excusemeforasking–whoareyou,exactly?”

“I’m your son-in-law.” Mason grinned. “At least, I will be once I persuade your

gorgeoussontomarryme.”

“You’regettingmarried?”Mum’seyebrowsshotHeavenward,asshestaredatmein

shock.“Toaman?”

“No, Mum, we’re not…” I gave Mason an exasperated look, which only seemed to

furtherhisamusement.“Look,itsearlydays.Idon’tknowwherethisisheadingyet.”

Well, apart from it heading to the other side of the Atlantic, of course. I was still

buildinguptotellingherthatlittledetail.Now,IjusthadtotrustMasonnottoblurtitout

on the doorstep before I had the chance to lead her into it gently. The way he was

behaving,Iwouldn’tputitpasthim.

“But,whataboutthatotherboyyouwereseeing?Rupert,wasn’tit?”Mumasked.Her

hand was still on Mason’s arm, and she could barely take her eyes off of him. The few

occasionsshehadmetRufus,Ihadneveronceseenhercomeintophysicalcontactwith

him.

“Rufus,” Mason said firmly, although his broad smile never wavered. “His name’s

Rufus.”

If I hadn’t already been falling in love with him, I would have done so at that

moment.Itmightseemstrangetosome,butittrulywarmedmyheart,thewayMasonwas

sorespectfulwhenitcametoRufus.

“Yes, of course.” Mum looked up at Mason and I could swear she batted her

eyelashesathim.“Howsillyofmetoforget.”

“Mum,” I said lightly, deciding the time had come to put a stop to the budding

romance between my mother and my boyfriend. “Maybe we should go inside. There’s

somethingIneedtotalktoyouabout.”

“Don’t worry,” Mason said, laying one arm around my mother’s shoulders and

guiding her into the house. “He’s not pregnant. Although…” He tipped his head to one

side,asthoughhewasseriouslyconsideringit.“Youhavetoadmit,we’dmakebeautiful

babies.”

I closed the door behind us, chuckling at my mother’s horrified – and slightly

confused – expression and Mason’s never-ending stream of chatter. Within minutes, he

hadhereatingfromthepalmofhishand,andIthoughtshewouldprobablygiveMason

anythingheaskedfor.Theclothesoffherback,ablankcheque,deedstothehouse,me.

AllMasonhadtodowaskeepsmilingthewayhewas.

Luckily for Mum, he didn’t want her clothes, money, or home. He just wanted her

blessing to take her son to live a few thousand miles away. That, and tea and biscuits,

servedonthefinestchina;afamilyheirloomthathadbeenpasseddownforgenerations,

andonlymadeanappearanceonthemostspecialofoccasions.Mason,itappeared,could

charm the birds from the trees. It made me wonder how he’d ever had trouble finding

someonetobewith.

Itwasnice,thosefewshorthourswespentwithmymother.Wetalked,welaughed,

and we were closer than we had been in years. Mum told Mason stories about my

childhood,whichhadhiminstitches.Eventually,wetoldherwhoMasonwas,andthatwe

leavingforAmericatogoontourwithhisband.Mumcried,muchtomysurprise,because

it was not as though we saw each other regularly anyway. But she hugged us both, and

gaveusherblessing,beforecheeringupsomewhatwhenMasonofferedtoflyheroutfor

avisit.

Later, Mason had a limousine come and collect us, which definitely caused a stir

amongtheneighboursinMum’squiet,littlestreet,andweheadedstraightfortheairport.I

leaned into Mason’s side, happier than I ever thought I could be. He wrapped one arm

aroundme,andkissedthetopofmyheadaffectionately.

“Thankyou,”Isaid.

“Whatfor?”

“Idon’tknow.Beingyou.Beingamazing.”

Masonlaughed.“WhatcanIsay?Itcomesnaturally.”

Isatup,turningtofacehim.“We’rereallydoingthis,aren’twe?”

Masonsmiled,buthewasn’tmockingme.Isawnothingbutloveinhisdarkeyes.I

supposehewasusedtohoppingonaplaneandtakingofftoanothercountryatthedropof

ahat,buthedidn’tseemtothinkanylessofmeformynaiveté.

“Yeah,weare,”hesaid,threadinghisfingersthroughmine.“We’redoingittogether.

I…Ineverhadthatbefore.Someonetoshareitwith.”Hepulledmeincloseandkissed

mylipssoftly.“Iloveyou,Eric.”

“Iloveyoutoo,”Ianswered,andImeantit.

Wesettledbackagainsttheseat,armswrappedeachother,tired,content,andreadyto

facewhateverourfuturetogetherwouldbring.

Document Outline

This Book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, duplicated, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the author.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24

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