http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5662321/1/

I.

My Dearest Edward,

"I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever."

You told me that once, but it's taken until now for me to realize you really did

mean it. When you're a silly, naive 18 year-old-girl, "forever" is a concept

reserved for fairy tales and happily- ever-afters, not real life. Even now as I lie

here, old and grey and waiting for death, I still can't really fathom what facing a

life of eternity, a life without end, must be like.

But you knew, and you loved me enough to let me go.

For the longest time, I resented you for that decision. I thought if you really loved

me like you said you did, you would want me by your side forever. We could have

had eternity in each other's arms, a love that had no end, the two of us, together

- forever. Back then, I could see in your eyes there was a part of you that wanted

that just as much as I did. I often used to wonder if I had begged you again,

pleaded with you just one more time, if it might have been enough to change

your mind. I was convinced my life was meant to have a different path and that

you were keeping me from it.

There were times in my life I hated you, bitter and twisted with the ache of what

I had lost.

There was never a minute of my life that I didn't love you. After all, I promised to

love you forever, too.

I used to think you were selfish, that you were wrong and everything that

happened was a huge mistake. I know now, you gave me the greatest gift of all.

Your selfless choice to let me go is something I should be grateful for, not

resentful. You gave me the gift of life; you gave me Mary - my pride, my joy. It's

such a cliche, but she really is the light of my life. Without her, I never would

have been able to live the life you wished for me.

My gratitude is long overdue, I know, but please know that I forgive you. I realize

now that you were right. I wouldn't have wanted my life any other way. I'm just

sorry it has taken me this long to realize it.

Edward, there are few things I regret in my life, but if I could do anything over

again, I would take back the things I said when we last saw each other. I was

hurting, and I know my words hurt you. I'm sorry. I thought it would be easier if

I never saw you again, that my heart would have a chance to mend itself in your

absence. I thought the only way you would leave me alone was if you thought I

didn't love you anymore.

I loved you then, just as I do now. I have loved you always.

I thought if you were gone, I would forget. I was wrong. Now, as my life draws to

an end, all I have left are the memories - the fondest ones are those of you, and

I wish that I hadn't pushed you away. I wish I could have had more images of

you in my head to distract me from this dull decay they call death.

I wish there was more.

There is a part of me that wants one more visit, one more moment with you, one

more smile, and, maybe if I am honest, one more kiss. There was always a part

of me that wanted that. I think if you came, my heart would shatter into a million

tiny pieces - it would hurt too much. I may be old and wrinkled, and knocking on

death's door, but I am still a woman and a vain one at that. I don't want you to

remember me as this drab and broken imitation. This isn't the me I want you to

remember. I think it would hurt you too, to see me like this.

The me I want you to remember is the 17-year-old girl you fell in love with. Full

of hopes and dreams, all innocence and big eyes, the clumsy, accident prone girl

you rescued from a mediocre existence. The girl that gazed at you with love in

her eyes as you made love to her under the stars in the meadow. The girl that

cried when you played the lullaby you had written for her. The girl that was swept

off her feet, madly in love, without a care in the world.

That was the happiest time of my life. That is the me I want you to hold on to.

That is the me I want you to love forever.

Edward, I know my time is nearly up. The darkness will come for me soon. To be

honest, I am tired and weary, and death will be a relief. I am not afraid of the

end. If I had just one wish, it would be for you too, to have this peace, this

conclusion, this finite version of forever. Thank you for giving me that gift too.

I love you,

Forever and Always,

Your Bella x

The pen fell from her fingers. Fingers that were bent and gnarled. The effort of

putting those painful thoughts to paper made every part of her ache.

Her heart hurt.

She just needed to finish this and then she could sleep, hide for a little while from

the pain and the aging.

The nurse's bell sat on her bedside table and she reached over to push the

button, wincing as the strain of doing so left her breathless and weak.

The young nurse breezed into her room a few moments later.

"Bella?" she asked kindly. "What do you need?"

Bella hated to bother the nursing staff, but she needed to finish this.

"Can you help me with something, dear?" She really wanted to be able to do this

herself, but her weakened body would no longer do as she wished.

"Of course," she smiled as she perched on the side of the bed.

Bella's breath was ragged. The letter had drained every last drop of energy from

her. She could feel her eyelids beginning to droop.

"I have a letter and I need you to put it in an envelope for me. I have the address

here, but I don't want you to send it until..."

"Until...after I'm gone," she continued.

"Bella...," the nurse began.

"It will be soon," she wheezed. Her voice no longer sounded like her own.

"I just need you to do this for me...please," Bella laid her head back on the

pillow, the softness a momentary relief from the heaviness that was slowly

pushing down on her body. Her eyes closed on their own accord and she couldn't

find the will to open them again.

"Of course," the girl whispered as she took the letter from Bella's grasp.

Bella felt the nurse's hand, young and unwrinkled, smooth back the hair from her

face.

She felt her pull up the blanket and tuck in the edge. Like I used to do for Mary,

Bella smiled fondly to herself.

She felt a touch to her hand, briefly, softly.

Then there was nothing to feel but the darkness.

II.

Bella is 19.

"How many degrees do you have, Edward?" Bella dipped her paintbrush in the

paint can and looked up at the half-painted wall in front of her.

"I don't know. I think I lost count."

Edward leaned on the door frame, his hands in his pockets. Bella was wearing an

old pair of ripped shorts and a pale blue tee-shirt that was so thin and worn, it

looked like it might almost be see-through. Her hair was tied up in a high ponytail

and she had a tie-dyed bandanna wrapped around her head. He smiled to

himself. Even in these rags of clothes, she still looked as beautiful as ever. He

wondered how Bella had managed to convince Alice to let her keep these clothes.

Edward smiled again, watching Bella engrossed in her task, paint splattering on

her bare legs as she worked.

"Really?"

Bella's question interrupted his musings about whether Bella had a secret stash of

old clothes that she had hidden from Alice.

"It gives me something to do, I guess," Edward shrugged. "And it's more

interesting than high school, that's for sure."

Bella found herself wondering whimsically if vampire brains ever got full. She

imagined they might be like a balloon, slowly filling over the centuries, with facts

and figures and useless tidbits of knowledge, until they reached a magic quota of

fullness. Then all the random pieces of information acquired over hundreds of

years would simply leak out again like the slow hiss of air escaping a tire.

"Don't you get bored?" Bella couldn't imagine herself completing one degree, let

alone more than one. Completing the mountains of enrollment paperwork had

been daunting enough - the years of study ahead of her were simply too hard to

comprehend. Three years might as well be a lifetime; graduation a lofty goal light

years away.

"I don't think I'll ever be bored again, Bella." Edward pulled her towards him,

careful to avoid Bella's paintbrush, dripping with the white undercoat paint, and

kissed the top of her head. "Not now, not with you."

"But..." Bella had been looking forward to leaving high school and going to

University. Studying subjects close to her heart, surrounded by people with

intellect and passion who wanted to be inspired and challenged like she did. She

thought that was what Edward wanted too, but now she wasn't so sure. Could

going to College for the umpteenth time still be interesting?

"Despite the fact I've already got a degree, or two, I want to do this, too, Bella. I

want to share in this experience with you. You wanted to come and do this, so

here we are. I want what you want," Edward assured her. Life would never be

boring or dull again, not with her by his side.

"Oh." Bella resumed her painting, pushing the brush down the wall in long,

languid strokes. The wall was slowly turning from sallow lemon to bright white as

she covered the wall in undercoat.

"Are you sure you don't want me to, you know, help with this?" Edward asked

her, a bemused glint in his eye.

"Edward, you promised. We're pretending to be an ordinary couple, remember?"

"We are an ordinary couple, Bella." Edward moved to take the spare paint brush

and dipped it in the paint can.

"No, we're not. You're an impossibly gorgeous vampire who also happens to be a

multimillionaire, and I'm, well, I'm..." Bella hated that her voice was shaking, and

she swallowed down the doubt and fear that lingered in the back of her mind.

"I'm...just me," she whispered.

"You are not 'just' anything, Bella," Edward sighed. How could she not see how

much she meant to him? She was his everything. This was a conversation he was

already tired of having with her.

"So, ordinary couples paint bathrooms together, huh?" he asked suddenly,

attempting to lighten the mood and shift Bella's focus away from her imagined

inadequacies.

"Yeah, I guess so," she laughed, thankful that Edward could distract her so easily.

Today's maudlin topic of conversation had not been what she imagined they

would talk about while they painted, and she was grateful for the sudden lifting of

the room's atmosphere.

"So...what color did Esme talk you in to?"

"Nice try, but no. It's a surprise. You'll see soon enough," Bella smirked, enjoying

the rare opportunity to have one up on Edward.

"Oh, right." Edward pretended to grumble as he began to paint the opposite wall,

at an impossibly slow and human pace.

"And no cheating, Edward. I'll know if you do," Bella teased from behind him.

"You know, we could just pay someone to come and do this for us," he said as he

put down his brush quietly. An instant later he was standing behind Bella. He

leaned over and whispered in her ear. "I am sure there are more interesting

things we could do with our time."

Bella felt her skin turn to goosebumps under Edward's icy breath.

"Ordinary couple, Edward...remember?" Bella tried to ignore what Edward's

proximity was doing to her body - the throbbing between her legs, the quickening

of her breath, the desire that was rushing through her veins. It took every ounce

of energy she had to fight the urge to turn around and wrap her arms around his

neck.

As much as she wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed with Edward and just

leave the painting to a professional that they could easily afford to hire, she really

just wanted this small moment of normalcy. For one small moment to be just

Edward and Bella painting their new bathroom together. Not super-rich, perfect-

in-every-way Edward, and Bella -the girl caught up in a fairytale.

She just needed this moment.

The past few weeks had been a dizzying blur, packed full of goodbyes and new

beginnings. She and Edward had found this apartment near the campus, and with

Esme's unflinching help, furnished their new home. The ease at which the Cullens

lived their lives was more disturbing than Bella would ever admit to Edward, and

the amount of money they had spent making a new life here made her head spin.

Bella wondered if she would ever get used to being able to afford anything her

heart desired.

Esme had been in her element, helping them pick furniture and linens and

drapes, and buy the hundreds of other things Bella hadn't realized were required

to turn the empty apartment into a home. Coordinating fabrics, complimentary

color schemes, contemporary artworks - it was like Esme was speaking another

language. Bella had just nodded and let Esme work her magic.

And magic it was.

Bella had to admit, despite her reservations about some of the price tags

associated with the experience, Esme had transformed the empty and echoing

apartment into a luxurious and comfortable home. It was perfect.

That was until Bella showered for the first time. When she wiped the steam off

the mirror, the reflection that greeted her was of a sallow, washed out Bella, the

pale yellow walls making her look sickly. Bella's vanity had insisted that a repaint

was in order.

So, here they were. Being an ordinary couple, having a normal moment,

repainting the bathroom to a shade that was more flattering to Bella's

complexion.

Edward groaned at Bella's insistent tone, but he indulged her, returning to paint

his side of the wall, slowly. Mostly. Bella pretended not to notice that, despite the

fact Edward's wall was twice as big as her wall, he still finished first.

Autumn was still a few weeks away, the trees were still lush and green, and the

air was still hot. The undercoat was dry by the following morning.

"So, you're finally going to let me see the color now?"

Edward and Bella were standing in the bathroom, walls white and nude and ready

to be assaulted by paint brushes again.

"Esme doesn't know the color either, you know. I picked this," Bella said,

suddenly wondering what Esme was going to say when she saw her color choice.

It was probably best not to dwell on that.

Edward crouched down and pried open the can with his fingers. Edward's strength

was still surprising, and although Bella knew he was strong, it still shocked her to

see him effortlessly do things that an average human couldn't.

"Wow," Edward said as he pulled off the lid and appraised the swirling viscous

liquid.

"Wow, good? Or wow, bad?" Bella chewed on the end of her little finger

nervously.

"Just, not what I was expecting, that's all," Edward laughed. Esme had definitely

not had a hand in this. "So, what made you pick this one?"

Bella blushed, pink flushing her skin, reminding Edward of the rose he had given

Bella on their first date.

"The name of the color," she whispered, looking down at Edward from beneath

her lashes, suddenly coy.

"Is that so?" Edward asked, intrigued. He lifted the paint can, careful not to slop

paint over the side.

"Lusty," he read off the label on the side. "Lusty?" he quirked an eyebrow at

Bella.

"I thought it was kind of fitting," Bella laughed, shrugging as she did.

Edward put down the can and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her easily off

the ground into his arms and twirling her around. Her hands fell naturally into his

bronze and golden hair, and she gazed down at him adoringly.

"Very fitting indeed, my sweet. Very fitting indeed."

Bella giggled as he threw her over his shoulder and ran at vampire speed to their

bedroom. As walls flew past her, Bella couldn't help but think that perhaps it

wasn't so bad to be anything but an ordinary couple.

The painting could wait.

III.

Bella is 17.

Edward Cullen was bored.

Around him, the student body was alight with prom fever. Edward failed to see

how cummerbunds and corsages could be so enthralling, but apparently the

teenagers around him could converse, and think, of nothing else. For weeks, it

had been as if life was on hold, like there was nothing else but prom.

Everyone couldn't wait until prom.

Edward couldn't wait until prom was over.

He stalked down the corridor, grimacing at the banner that stretched above him,

flamboyantly displaying the countdown to prom night at Forks High. He had a

biology lab next period and needed to get his books from his locker. Books that

would stay closed for the duration of Mr Banner's lecture on the stages of mitosis.

Edward was well versed on everything related to cell division and would get an

A+ without any effort. The only thing that required effort in high school was

pretending that he hadn't already done this countless times before.

Maintaining this pretense, this illusion of an average 17-year-old, was a never-

ending monotony of forced politeness and mediocrity. High school was a wearying

exercise in pretending to be unexceptional. Having to continually suppress his

superiority, to blend in, to hide behind this disguise, was frustrating and tiring.

Edward longed to live in a world where there was no threat of exposure, where he

could just be himself, where there was no risk in simply being who you were.

That was not the world Edward lived in, however. He had long ago perfected the

art of displaying a calm and polite exterior that hid the real Edward Cullen:

vampire, monster, killer.

Edward's greatest fear was that, one day, the boredom would finally crack his

carefully preserved facade, and the monster that bubbled unrelentingly under the

surface would erupt.

Students spilled out of the classes as he walked past, a sudden rush of warm and

fragrant bodies competing for space in the narrow hallway. Edward felt his whole

body tense as the scent and heat of human flesh and blood enveloped him,

venom pooling in the back of his throat and his hands clenching in fists

involuntarily. The need, the instinct, blazed through his long dormant arteries,

setting his body on fire and awakening the monster within. The burning thirst was

always there; despite the years of practice at containing the urges, there were

times when Edward still found it difficult to be surrounded by the prey he could

never have.

Relax, Edward, he thought to himself.

A second or two passed as Edward fought to silence the images in his head and

keep the killer at bay; his hands gripping soft, supple human flesh, body bent and

thrashing under his iron grip, air thick with the smell of fear, pleas of mercy

turning to screams of terror as his razor sharp teeth sink into taut skin, tongue

ripping through flesh pulling through veins and vessels, hot sticky blood spilling

freely, rusty tang flooding his mouth, gliding down his parched throat...drink,

devour, drain...and then...satisfaction, and finally an end to the burn, the ache,

the need...he would be sated at last...it would be so easy...to just...

Relief came in the form of a sudden surge of voices invading his head. Normally,

being assaulted by the inane musings of his fellow students was a distraction, an

annoyance that he worked hard to tune out. Now he was grateful for the

diversion, and he could feel his muscles slowly uncoiling as he regained control.

He swallowed down the venom and immersed himself in the babble of internal

chatter of the humans around him.

Prom, of course. Edward rolled his eyes. It really didn't take much to get them

worked up.

...I wonder if Jessica has a date yet...Mike Newton pondered, his back to Edward

as he rifled through his locker.

...red..no blue...no red...definitely red...Angela Weber was considering the

dresses she had tried on the day before.

...manicure appointment booked? check! hair appointment booked? check! dress?

check! shoes?...oh shit!...Lauren Mallory was apparently finding that not

everything was crossed off her to-do list.

Edward was no longer surprised by the trivialities that fascinated and occupied

the students around him.

Prom the first time had been excruciating, and no matter how many times

Edward repeated high school, no matter where his family relocated, it was always

the same. The same high-pitched fervor, the same unrealistic expectations, music

that didn't sound like music, dancing that didn't look like dancing.

Edward had long ago stopped pretending to be interested.

Jessica Stanley was interested, though, interested in Edward. Today was the day

she was going to ask Edward to go to prom with her. That morning, she had

taken extra care getting ready for school - curling her hair, selecting the perfect

outfit that seductively accentuated all her best features, a spray or two of her

new perfume, Allure, an extra sweep of cherry lip gloss - Jessica liked what she

saw in the mirror. She was confident Edward wouldn't be able to refuse her.

Edward Cullen and Jessica Stanley - Prom King and Queen. Jessica could picture

them standing on the stage together, smiling widely as they collected their

crowns, looking radiant in their co-ordinated outfits. She would be wearing the

hot pink, low-cut, fitted dress that she had found in Port Angeles, the one that

made her breasts look fabulous, and Edward would be wearing a tux, of course,

with a hot pink cummerbund and a hot pink carnation in his pocket.

They would be dazzling together.

Jessica sighed as she imagined her fantasy-self kissing Edward as they held each

other on the dance floor, while the entire school looked on in envy. Afterwards,

they would make out in the back of the limousine that her father had agreed to

pay for, and Edward would confess his love for her, and maybe, just maybe,

she'd finally get to lose her virginity. To Edward Cullen, no less. Jessica had it all

worked out. Prom was going to be just perfect.

Edward cringed as Jessica's X-rated fantasies slithered into his consciousness.

Briefly, he considered using his vampire speed to flee the scene, but he realized

she had already seen him. The resolve in her eyes was impossible to miss, much

like the smell of her overpowering, cloying perfume that burned the inside of his

nostrils. Today she was wearing a ridiculous ensemble that made her look slutty

and cheap. "Trying too hard" could be Jessica's middle name, he thought wryly.

"Hi, Edward," Jessica made her move. She was a little nervous; this was the

Edward Cullen after all - gorgeous, rich, every girl's dream prom date. Not that

he ever seemed to date. Edward had a reputation for being aloof, bordering on

rude. He was definitely the most intimidating boy in school. Most girls worshiped

him from afar, and Edward seemed to prefer things that way. Jessica had

convinced herself this was simply because Edward had yet to meet the right girl.

Jessica had decided she was the right girl.

"Jessica," Edward said flatly.

He tried to keep walking, but she moved quickly to stand right in front of him and

put her hand on his arm. Would this insipid girl never get the hint? Not

interested.

Not interested in human girls.

Not anymore.

A long time ago he had tried to make the impossible work - human girl and

vampire boy. He could still recall the feel of feather-soft caresses on his skin, the

taste of tongue and teeth against his mouth, the moans of ecstasy in his ear.

The overwhelming heat of blood and lust, an intoxicating, erotic combination of

danger and release.

It had been decades since he'd taken a girl in that way, decades since he'd lost

himself in the lust and been at the mercy of the ultimate high. The girls who had

offered themselves to him, whispering his name as they came undone beneath

him, were a nameless, faceless blur of feminine curves now, but the addictive

euphoria that he had felt as he danced on the knife edge between ecstasy and

death still haunted him. There was a part of Edward that would do anything to

have that power, that control again - to hold a life in his hands at its most

vulnerable. To have that delicious human fragility at his mercy again.

In those moments he had felt alive, reveling in the moment where he could

escape this hell, this life with no end.

It wasn't that he didn't want to succumb to the oblivion of passion; he just

couldn't go there again. A few moments lost in rapture weren't enough, for him,

or for those girls.

They always wanted more. A night or two of sweaty rendezvous and tangled

sheets - fucking with no obligation - it wasn't what they wanted, but it was all he

could give. There was no future for him with a human. There would be no

happily-ever-after, no fairytale romance, no marriage, no children. These were

the things that girls wanted, these were the things he couldn't give them.

As much as Edward savored those experiences, appreciating the temporary

freedom from the weight of his endless captivity, those girls couldn't give him

what he wanted either. The emotionless encounters were a fleeting distraction,

they weren't a substitute for a meaningful relationship. What he wanted was to

be able to love with abandon, to be loved without secrets, to be fulfilled and

complete.

It wasn't love if you couldn't reveal who you really were, if you were always

holding back a piece of yourself, holding yourself in check. It wasn't love if you

couldn't bare the darkest secret of your soul.

Eventually, Edward had turned his back on seeking out those unfulfilling moments

of pleasure and all the complications they implied. They weren't enough, and in

the end, it had simply become easier not to.

Unfortunately, there had been a Jessica Stanley at every high school that Edward

had attended. Didn't matter the girl's name or the town, they never got the hint.

They would fawn and preen, some would ogle him from a distance, others were

more forthright and would practically beg for his attention, but always the same

unrelenting pursuit of him despite his indifference. They soon lost focus, the

unwanted attempts at courtship smudging together in a dull fog - much like the

tedium of passing time. Days, weeks, months, years, decades even. Time was a

curse; a featureless, unremarkable landscape of boredom. An eternity of high

school was going to be the ultimate punishment for being an abomination, a

purgatory that Edward had resigned himself to facing alone.

Edward believed rejection was best delivered bluntly.

"Look Jessica," Edward began, but Jessica interrupted him.

"Doyouwanttogotothepromwithme?" Jessica gasped, wincing as the words spewed

out. This was not how she had imagined herself asking Edward to be her date.

Fantasy-Jessica was cool, calm and collected, not to mention seductively

irresistible. Fantasy-Jessica would not just blurt it out in an almost incoherent

string of syllables. Jessica felt her face flush, and she suddenly wished the floor

would open up and destroy all evidence of her embarrassing display.

Edward found himself feeling almost sorry for the squirming, bright-red girl in

front of him. Jessica, in all her over-curled, made up glory, didn't hold any appeal

to him, in fact, none of the hundreds of girls at his school did, but that wasn't any

reason to be cruel. Edward was bored and apathetic, but he wasn't a bastard.

"I'm sorry, Jess, but my family...we're going to be out of town that weekend,"

Edward lied. His sister, Alice, was going to be fuming when she saw what he had

just done. Sometimes, having a sister who could see the future was infuriating

and a painful invasion of his privacy, but this time he was rather relieved he

wouldn't have to deliver this news in person. He knew Alice had been looking

forward to prom; but there would be others, Edward was sure that high schools

would be having proms for eternity. He would promise to make it up to her.

"Oh..." Jessica couldn't think of anything else to say. This wasn't how Fantasy-

Edward had replied in her imaginings. When she had rehearsed how this

conversation would play out in her head, Edward had said an enthusiastic yes.

Edward leaned over conspiratorially towards her, "I probably shouldn't be telling

you this, but Mike doesn't have a date yet. I overheard him in the locker room

saying he was thinking of asking you." Edward couldn't remember the last time

so many lies had rolled off his tongue.

"Really?" Jessica said, quickly shrugging off her dejection as she considered the

possibilities of Edward's disclosure.

"Really," Edward said reassuringly as he slid past her to rejoin the throng of

students making their way to the next class. Edward was relieved when the bell's

shrill warning cut short any chance of further discussion with Jessica.

...Mike is no Edward Cullen, but he is quite cute...Jessica mused. Edward smiled

as he continued on his way to class, thankful that Jessica's attentions were so

easily deflected.

When Edward got to class, he was surprised to see a girl sitting at his lab table.

Edward Cullen always sits alone, everyone knew this. He sighed, hoping this

wasn't another ask-Edward-to-prom ambush. As he walked over to his seat, he

realized he didn't recognize the girl at all. Normally, the arrival of a new student

would incite a predictable frenzy of excitement amongst the other students, who

would fight for attention from the 'shiny new toy'. He realized he had been going

to extra efforts lately to ignore the nauseating pre-prom thoughts and must have

missed the inevitable rumors about the new girl.

As he sat down, she glanced over and offered him a shy smile. She was a petite

little thing, Edward thought she might only be as tall as his shoulders, if that,

with long brunette hair that framed her face. Her eyes, deepest brown, sparkled

as she smiled, and Edward noticed her alabaster skin was free from the make-up

all the other girls at school caked themselves in. Her naturalness was refreshing,

and he realized she didn't smell like chemicals like the other girls either. She just

smelled like girl - sweet, human, feminine.

"Hi, I'm Bella," the girl offered, her voice soft and hesitant.

"Edward Cullen," he replied.

Bella smiled again, dimples appearing in the rosy swell of her cheeks. Edward

was surprised to find himself wanting to reach over and run his thumb over the

blood-blush that was appearing there. Quickly he looked away, aware he had

been staring at her longer than could be considered polite.

He wondered if the Cullen reputation had preceded him. What had she already

heard about him? He tuned back into the thoughts that snaked and swirled the

room around him. All the thoughts he could hear, he could identify as coming

from students he knew. He looked over at Bella, she was frowning as she looked

over the lab worksheet Mr Banner had placed on the desk. She was definitely

thinking something, and yet, Edward couldn't hear her.

Bemused, he tried listening again, and again, but still nothing.

She was totally silent to him.

Edward couldn't remember this ever happening before. Normally, it took

considerable effort to tune out people's inner voices. Never before had he been

able to just sit with someone, in peace, in quiet, without the intrusion of knowing

their every thought and motivation.

He looked over at her again. Her long hair had fallen down like a curtain between

them, the light from the nearby window reflecting and bouncing off it and

revealing to him the color of each individual shaft of hair; amber, mahogany,

black, chestnut. He watched as she slowly flicked her hair behind her ear and

stole a glance at him from beneath impossibly long lashes.

Edward wondered what she was thinking.

Suddenly, he found himself wondering where she was from, where she lived,

what she liked to read, what she did with her time. Suddenly there were a million

other things he wanted to know about this girl with the beautiful eyes and the

silent mind.

He wanted to know everything.

Edward Cullen was intrigued.

III.

Bella is 27.

"Could she be any more obvious?" Bella muttered under her breath, forgetting for

a moment that, despite her lowered tone, Edward could still hear her.

The waitress sauntered off, with an intentional sway of her hips. Bella glared at

her retreating back, wishing that looks really could kill, or maim, or make

someone vanish. She wasn't fussy.

"Don't be silly, Bella," Edward had ignored the waitress's pathetic attempt at

flirtation, and he couldn't understand why Bella was looking so upset.

"Don't do that," Bella snapped at him.

"Do what?"

"Make light of my feelings, that's what."

"I wasn't making..." Edward started to argue, but Bella interrupted him.

"Yes, you were. You were all Don't be silly, Bella like it doesn't matter to you that

I'm pretty pissed off right now. She was all over you, Edward. Don't pretend like

you didn't notice. She couldn't have been more obvious if she'd sat in your lap

and started to take her clothes off."

"Yes, I noticed, okay? And did I do anything in response? Did I encourage her in

any way? Of course not," Edward sighed. His plan, for a quiet romantic evening

with Bella, was suddenly falling to pieces.

Bella grabbed her glass and took a large gulp of wine. She slammed it down on

the table. Wine sloshed over the side, crimson liquor staining the white

tablecloth.

It reminded Bella of the color of blood.

"Look, I know you're upset, but don't be angry with me, okay? This isn't my fault.

I just want us to enjoy an evening out together." Edward pleaded, desperate to

salvage the evening and fix whatever had just happened to make it all go so

horribly wrong.

"Fine. I won't be upset. Look at me - not upset." Bella answered sarcastically as

she plastered a fake smile on her face.

Edward sighed again.

Bella refilled her wine glass and downed the whole glass in one go. The wine

burned its way down her throat but didn't take away the...what was this feeling?

Jealousy? Resentment? Worry? Whatever it was, it hurt. Did they have a name

for feeling like you were invisible while a skank hits on your partner?

Edward watched warily as Bella poured another glass of wine. He thought himself

rather adept at reading her facial expressions, having had years of practice at

trying to interpret from her face what her words weren't saying. Tonight, her

beautiful face was an odd mix of hurt, longing and what almost looked like

betrayal.

"Bella, love. I can't read your mind, you know. You're going to have to tell me

what you're thinking. I don't want you to be mad," Edward said softly.

Sometimes Bella hated the way Edward always wanted to go straight to the

solution. Why did he always have to fix everything?

"I'm fine," Bella said quickly. She could feel the wine blurring behind her eyes,

and there was a soothing warmth spreading down her arms to her fingertips.

The waitress returned to their table, bringing a steaming plate of ravioli for Bella.

She plonked it in front of her without ceremony or care, before turning her

attention to Edward again.

"Are you sure I can't get you anything?" Her voice was raspy, like she was

intentionally trying to make it sound gravelly, and Bella noticed she'd adjusted

her hair since she had taken their order.

"He's sure." Bella said adamantly as she scowled at the girl.

"Anything at all?" the girl asked suggestively, completely ignoring Bella's

presence.

Edward kept his eyes on Bella. "I have everything I want, right here, thanks." He

quirked his eye at Bella, as if to say See...no encouragement.

Bella huffed and stabbed her ravioli with her fork. She didn't have an appetite

anymore.

"Well, if you think of something, you let me know, okay?" the girl smiled before

sashaying back to the kitchen.

Edward ignored her and reached across the table to lay his hand on Bella's arm.

"Are you alright?" He hated to see her like this. Sometimes he wished he could

hear her thoughts. It would make moments like this much easier.

"I told you - I'm fine," Bella didn't look up, but continued to stab her fork at her

plate, the sound of metal hitting ceramic punctuating the air every few seconds.

Edward knew there was more to this than Bella was letting on. He had been

approached by women before, and afterwards they had always laughed it off

together. Usually it was no big deal.

"I want to go home now," Bella said suddenly as she shoved her half eaten meal

to the side and picked up her purse. She looked at Edward expectantly.

"But you've not finished." Edward didn't want to go home yet. He was still hopeful

that he could rescue the evening and return Bella to the happy mood she had

been in when they arrived.

"I'm done," Bella said as she moved to stand up. She clutched her purse and

stood with her arms folded as Edward hastily laid down a handful of bills, more

than enough to cover the meal and a tip for the ridiculous waitress who had

ruined his evening.

He sighed again and walked Bella to the car, opening her door before walking

slowly to the driver side.

Bella sat and stared out of her window as Edward negotiated the streets of the

bustling inner city. The blur of the street lights whizzing past made Bella feel

nauseous.

"Do you want to listen to some music?" Edward asked, reaching for the car

stereo.

"No," Bella said sharply. Edward pulled his hand back from the console quickly,

frustrated that his attempt to divert Bella's attention had failed.

As they sped down the highway, Bella continued to stare out the window even

though there was nothing to see but the black blur of a distant forest on the

horizon. She knew she was being petty and probably a bit immature, but she

couldn't bring herself to apologize, not yet. She wanted to stew in her anger just

a little longer.

They drove the rest of the way home in a thick, uncomfortable silence.

When they pulled up at the house they had purchased that spring in a small

town, on the outskirts of the city, Bella opened the car door swiftly before Edward

could vamp-speed around and open it for her, slamming it loudly behind her.

Once inside, she threw her purse on the counter and searched in the fridge for

something else to drink.

Edward quietly locked the door behind him and watched silently as Bella took a

swig straight from the wine bottle.

"What? It's not like you're going to have any of it, is it?" Bella tipped the bottle

back and took another mouthful. Edward didn't say anything, refusing to be

provoked into an argument when he wasn't sure exactly what it was he would be

arguing about.

Bella put the bottle on the bench and stalked past Edward without saying

anything else. Edward winced as he heard her slam the bathroom door. A

moment later he could hear the shower running.

Hoping the time alone and the hot water would calm her down, he went to their

bedroom, removing his shoes and taking off the tie he'd worn to dinner, or the

disaster-dinner, as he was now thinking of it. He sat on the edge of their bed and

waited for Bella.

When she emerged from the bathroom, Edward could see immediately she had

been crying. Her eyes were puffy and her skin was blotchy. He didn't say

anything, not sure if drawing attention to the way she looked right now would be

wise.

Bella sighed, and pulled her dressing gown tight around herself. She sat on the

edge of the bed next to Edward.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she stared at the floor.

Edward pulled her into an embrace and stroked her back as Bella burst into tears.

He kissed the top of her head as she sobbed and sniffed. He didn't say anything

as he held her, hoping she would feel in his touch how much he loved her.

"I found a grey hair today," Bella mumbled between sobs.

Whatever Edward had expected Bella to say next, it was not that.

"Today?" Edward asked, not sure what was an appropriate response to such an

unexpected outburst.

"Today. I'm getting old, Edward. Grey hair. Old. And that girl. That girl tonight,

she thought I was too old for you. I bet she was wondering what on earth

someone young and beautiful like you, was doing with someone old like me." The

tears began to flow again, and Edward clutched her to his chest as the sobs

wracked her body.

"I will always love you, Bella. You must know that by now," Edward whispered

into her hair.

"One day I'm going to be really old, Edward. You just don't get it, do you? Old. As

in really old. Grandmother old. Grey hair, wrinkles," Bella sobbed.

"Always." Bella could hear the conviction in Edward's voice, but she was

desperate for the reassurance.

"Would you still love me when I'm old and saggy?"

"Would you still love me if I were young and had acne?" Edward asked her in

return.

Bella couldn't help but laugh. "You're not getting younger you know, Edward.

That isn't the issue here. And besides, vampires are sickeningly free of

blemishes."

"True. Hypothetically speaking though, you would still love me even if I was

afraid of what's under the stairs? Or if I was to end up wetting the bed?" Edward

smiled at her.

"Always," Bella smiled.

"You're the only one I will ever want, Bella. No matter what color your hair is."

Bella sighed. "It's not just hair color, Edward. I won't be able to do the things you

want to do. I'll look like your grandmother, how are you going to explain that to

people?"

"And I might get fat with middle-age spread," she added as an afterthought.

"Always." Edward said emphatically. He honestly could not imagine any

incarnation of Bella that he wouldn't love. He loved who she was, not what she

looked like. There was no doubt in his mind that he would always love her, no

matter what.

Bella wrapped her arms around Edward, drawing strength from his cold,

impenetrable frame, and took a deep breath. He always knew just what to say.

"Always," she whispered, content for the moment to be comforted by Edward's

promises.

IV.

Bella is 17.

Dear Diary...

Renee bought me this beautiful, intimidating, blank book. I guess it's a diary. A

diary sounds like something an 11-year-old girl would own.

I'm 17, and my Mom is a fruit loop who muttered something about catharsis and

personal growth when she gave it to me. I think she meant, if I wrote things

down, it might make "the move" easier for me. Tomorrow I leave Renee, Phil and

Phoenix, and move to Forks with my Dad.

Bella's Book of thoughts and other stuff

Bella's Book of Travels, Hopes and Daydreams

A book about new beginnings.

A book about not being afraid.

Renee's been crying all afternoon, and her face is lined with tiny silver tear

tracks.

I'm hiding in my room, pretending to be doing some last-minute packing, when

really I did it all yesterday.

Phil keeps asking me when I need to be at the airport. I want to yell at him to

check the itinerary I put on the fridge, but I think he just doesn't know what else

to say.

My entire life is reduced to two suitcases of clothes and four boxes, full of books

and other teenage miscellany.

I'm nervous, excited, and I just want to go now.

I'm on the plane. The air is hot and stale. The old man next to me has been

snoring for the past hour. I can't sleep.

Saying goodbye injured my heart, but I know this was the right decision. Renee

and Phil need a chance to be newly-weds without a teenage chaperone. I'd just

be a burden, complicating their plans.

Dad rang this morning. I can't wait to see him again. It seems so strange to think

this time, it's not a holiday. It's real. I won't be leaving at the end of two weeks.

Now he won't be alone anymore.

Forks is greener than I remember, and the clouds are lower. I forgot how the fog

seeps into your bones, and chills you from the inside out. None of my clothes

from (home) Phoenix, are going to work. I'll freeze to death.

My room looks the same. There's a photo on the dresser of me fishing with Dad.

All my memories of living here are hazy and foggy, but I do remember going out

in the boat.

And the sound of the rain on the roof as I slept.

Dad has more grey hair, but not much else has changed.

I start school today. I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I've unpacked,

I've cooked and cleaned, I've been for a (short) drive around town. Starting

school is the only thing left to do on my "Settling into my New Home" list.

My course list looks much the same as in Phoenix, and with the exception of gym,

I'm looking forward to getting back into study. There isn't much else to do here,

and there is only so much fishing talk I can listen to.

I need to get this 'meeting new people' thing over and done with.

So, today wasn't so bad. I met a girl, Angela, who seems nice and she's in a

couple of my classes. She took pity on me, and showed me around, and gave me

the run-down on how things work here. It's enough of a change to be refreshing,

but not enough that it's too weird.

Prom is next weekend, and that is all anyone talked about today. I am glad my

status as the 'new girl' isn't as exciting as the pre-prom hype, and I managed not

to be subjected to too much embarrassing scrutiny.

I wonder if they do singles tickets.

Renee called tonight, and cried the whole time we spoke. Talk about

uncomfortable, never-ending guilt fest. She keeps blaming herself that I left, that

she somehow forced me into it.

No matter how many times I tell her, she doesn't want to hear that this was my

choice. I wanted to come here. I made the decision willingly.

The truth is, it's kind of liberating to be the daughter and not the pseudo-mother.

I love Renee, but sometimes she drives me crazy with her hare-brained schemes

and carefree attitude.

With Dad, what you see is what you get. I love it.

The most beautiful boy in the whole world sits next to me in Biology. His eyes are

an intriguing shade of amber, and his hair is thick and messy, like he spends all

day running his hands through it. I want to run my fingers through it.

I swear I caught him staring at me, and my heart did a flip.

He's gorgeous, and tall, and impossibly... perfect.

I asked Angela about him, and she told me he doesn't date, and that there are

rumors he is gay. She said he was nice but keeps to himself.

His name is Edward Cullen.

School today was good.

Edward Cullen had a mid-semester course change and is now in my English class,

too. I'm already seated next to Angela, but he sits behind me. For the entire

duration of class, it felt like someone was watching me - that prickly goose-bump

feeling like there are eyes on you.

I imagined it was Edward that was watching me.

His locker is near mine and he keeps it tidy. I wish there were some posters or

photographs inside. I want to know more about him.

I want to know everything about him.

We have Bio again tomorrow.

Edward invited me to sit with him at lunch. He has a sister, Alice, who is lovely -

even offering to take me shopping in Port Angeles to get some warmer clothes.

I get the feeling money is not an issue for the Cullens.

After lunch, Edward walked me to Bio and carried my books. I've never had a boy

do that for me before.

A girl spewing vitriol, Jessica Something-or-other, told me not to waste my time

on him because he thinks he's better than everyone else.

I can't think of anyone else I would rather waste my time on.

Today in Bio, Edward asked me lots of questions about myself. I don't know what

this might mean, if anything. He doesn't give much away, and most of what I

know about him, I learned from Angela.

Edward lives just out of town with his adopted brother and sister, Alice and

Jasper. They are a couple, which I think is kind of weird, but no-one here seems

to care. His Dad is a doctor. The Cullens go hiking and camping when the weather

is good. Edward is a straight-A student, but he doesn't have many friends.

I need to know more.

I'm supposed to be doing homework but I can't concentrate.

Edward Cullen consumes my every thought. I never expected to come here and

end up so thoroughly confused, and captivated, by a (gorgeous, Adonis-like) boy.

What the hell is the deal with him? I can't tell if he's interested in me, or not.

Sometimes he stares at me like he's trying to see inside my soul. Sometimes he

barely acknowledges me.

Tomorrow, I'm going to ask him to prom. I guess I will find out one way or the

other.

I'm terrified he will say no. I'm terrified he will say yes.

I'm so nervous I think I might vomit. What if he says No? I don't think I could

cope with that kind of rejection. Maybe I just shouldn't bother. If he wanted to go

to prom he would already have a date, right? It's this week, after all. Angela said

he definitely wasn't going so...Maybe he is gay. That would explain his

impeccable taste in clothes, I guess.

I am not afraid of Edward Cullen. He is just a boy.

What's the worst that can happen? He says No and I embarrass myself. No

biggie.

Deep breath, Bella. You can do this.

Oh. My. God! He said YES!

Edward Cullen is going to prom with me.

I've never been to a prom before, I have no idea what to do, what to arrange. I

have nothing to wear and no shoes. I'm completely out of my depth here. All I

know is that I am pretty bloody happy right now.

Edward Cullen makes me lose all rational thought, but about three things I am

absolutely positive;

First, coming to live in Forks is the best decision I have ever made.

Second, Edward Cullen is definitely NOT gay.

And third, I am unconditionally and irrevocably infatuated with him.

V.

Bella is 34.

The sand crunched beneath her feet, and Bella could feel the coarse grains

scratching and shifting between her toes.

She pulled on Edward's hand, "Come on, let's go walk in the water for awhile."

He smiled as she ran from him towards the water. The cool, sea breeze blew her

hair behind her in long wisps, and he could almost imagine what she must have

looked like as a small child, running carefree on the beach.

When she reached the shallows, she kicked her feet up, laughing as the cold salty

water splashed against her legs.

"Are you coming in?" Bella called to him as she danced, water flying up around

her like a shower of sparks.

Edward laughed, and appeared next to her suddenly.

He kicked his own feet in her direction, and she squealed as the sprays of water

covered almost her whole body. They traded splashes, insults and laughter for a

few minutes before continuing their walk along the shoreline.

They wandered slowly, without purpose, stopping every now and then to pick up

a pretty shell or polished rock. It was summer, and the day was warm even

though the sky was overcast. Rainclouds loomed ominously on the horizon,

scaring away all but the bravest of beach-goers. Bella and Edward were enjoying

having the whole beach to themselves.

Bella stopped suddenly, a glint in the sand catching her eye. She reached down

and retrieved a small piece of green sea glass, its surface blunt and worn,

smoothed by the perpetual caresses of the ocean.

"Wow, it's so pretty," Bella exclaimed, as she held it in her hand. "You know, Dad

used to have a whole collection of beach glass. When he used to go fishing off the

coast at La Push, he'd often come home with a piece or two. He had a whole

shoebox full of it."

Bella turned the small shard of glass over in her hand, admiring the different

hues of green on its frosted surface.

"I haven't thought about that for years. He used to let me play with them, when I

stayed with him for the holidays when I was just a girl. I used to line them up on

the table, and sort them into colors."

She wondered how long it had been tossed and tumbled by the sea, before

coming to rest on this beach. How long had it laid there, waiting for her to find it?

"They used to make Dr Pepper in bottles that color," Edward said, as he peered

over her shoulder.

"Really?" Bella asked. "I didn't know that."

"A long time ago," Edward said softly.

"Oh, look, Edward. It sparkles!" Bella held the glass up to the sky, light refracting

off the polished surface as it glistened and sparkled in her fingertips.

Edward grimaced as Bella held the glass above her. She was obviously enchanted

by the way it had seemed to come to life in her hand. It looked as though it were

almost animated as it flickered and flashed - like thousands of tiny diamonds

were embedded in its surface. The parallels were obvious; he tried in vain to

dismiss them, but he couldn't help looking at the glass in disdain.

"Mermaid's tears. That's what Dad used to call it. Beach glass - it's called

mermaid's tears."

"There are no such things as mermaids, Bella," Edward laughed as he took her

hand in his again, and started to walk.

"I used to believe there were no such thing as vampires, " Bella retorted as she

put the piece of glass in her pocket to take home.

Just then, a huge dog bounded along the surf towards them. It looked as though

it was going to come right up to them before it suddenly veered away, giving

them a wide berth, and running past them.

Edward chuckled. Nothing to fear here, I can't stand the smell of dog, he smirked

to himself.

Caught up in admiring her pretty find, Bella hadn't noticed a family approaching

them from the other end of the beach. Quickly, she pulled her hand from

Edward's, and smiled as they passed by, giving them a little wave.

As the woman walked past her, Bella noticed she was wearing some sort of baby

carrier pack. On her back, a little baby was fast asleep, its soft chubby cheeks

squished against its mother's back, a look of utter contentment as it dozed,

oblivious to the world. Bella felt a familiar, unsettling pang in her chest.

Everywhere she went lately, there seemed to be multitudes of pregnant women,

tiny babies, families, children; like there was some sort of baby boom that

included everyone around her.

Everyone except her.

Bella buried the thought as quickly as it appeared, but she couldn't help but

glance back at the family wistfully.

The little girl that had walked past her a moment ago, with bucket in hand, sand

colored water spilling over the side, was now being swooped through the air in

her father's strong arms. He lifted her high above him, and settled her on his

shoulders.

"Faster, Daddy! Faster!" Bella could hear her giggling as they ran along the

water's edge to catch up to the dog that was waiting for them further up the

beach.

"Since when do you not hold my hand in public anymore?" Edward asked

suddenly. His question took her by surprise and she reluctantly averted her eyes

from the happy family in front of her.

"Since I'm old enough to be your mother, Edward, that's when. It feels weird

now, like it's wrong or something, " Bella muttered absentmindedly as she tried

to ignore the sudden overwhelming yearning that threatened to take her breath

away.

Bella's offhand comment stung like a slap in the face. Edward didn't say anything,

not sure how to process what Bella had just said. He knew she was getting self-

conscious about her age, but never did he think she would use the word wrong.

Of course, Edward knew that Bella was getting older with every birthday she

refused to celebrate. She was no longer the skinny, naive teenager he fell in love

with in high school. She was a woman now, her curves were more pronounced,

everything was rounder, softer. Edward loved the sensuality of Bella's body; he

loved to run his hands over the flare of her hips, the swell of her ass. He knew

she hated the changes that time had imposed on her body, but he thought she

was glorious - curvy, feminine, woman. 17-year-old Bella had been a sweet girl.

34-year-old Bella was a feisty and determined woman, with a grace and

confidence that can only come with age and life experience.

Edward kicked at a pile of sand, thinking about how he had watched Bella change

and grow over the years. With every passing minute, he had only found more

things to love about her. He never really thought about how old she was, or how

old he was, literally or figuratively. Age was irrelevant to him. He found it easier

to face eternity when he wasn't constantly marking off time in infinitesimal

increments.

Sometimes, he forgot that Bella had a different view on the passing of time.

"Do you really think that?" he asked her, studying her face, looking there for the

answers as well.

"Think what?"

"That we're wrong."

"No, of course not," Bella said quickly, instantly regretting her choice of words . It

wasn't so much that things were wrong now, just... awkward.

While she knew that on the inside, Edward was significantly older than she was,

on the outside he still looked like a young man. A 17-year-old teenager. A boy.

Every time Bella looked in the mirror, and saw the time-ravaged reflection that

greeted her, it only reinforced the ever-growing age gap between them. With

every second, of every day, the chasm got larger.

Bella's bathroom cabinet was stocked full of the finest skin care products and

anti-aging creams that money could buy, but there was no cream, no tonic, no

magic cure, that could change the fact that she was aging and Edward was not.

"It's just...I don't want to draw attention to us. Imagine how it must look," she

attempted to explain.

"I don't give a fuck what people think," Edward snapped at her.

"Look, I don't want to talk about this now. Can't we just go back to enjoying our

walk?" Bella was tired and was in no mood for a fight. She could feel her skin

prickling under Edward's gaze, and knew he was studying her face, searching for

something. She wasn't sure if it was reassurance he wanted, or the truth.

"Well, I do want to talk about it now. Jesus, Bella, you've basically just admitted

you're ashamed of our relationship, " Edward said, unwilling to let the subject

drop.

"I'm not ashamed!" Bella spun around to face him. "How dare you put words in

my mouth. All I said was I'm not comfortable with public displays of affection

anymore."

"Because you're worried what people, we don't even know, might think?" Edward

asked in disgust. He shook his head; her lack of self-confidence never ceased to

amaze him. One minute she was in control, strong, resilient and then, seemingly

in a heartbeat, she was insecure and worried about the opinions of people who

didn't matter.

Bella had to admit to herself that what Edward had said was, in fact, the truth.

She was worried what people thought. She had always shied away from being the

center of attention, hating to be in the limelight, uncomfortable under the

scrutiny like she was afraid of what people might find if they looked hard enough;

like she wouldn't measure up. Edward, on the other hand, was gorgeous and

turned heads wherever he went. She was used to hiding in the shadows while he

walked under a spotlight of attention. He was always center stage, the star of the

show, and she was a bit-part extra, silent and invisible. He never seemed to

notice, or perhaps he simply didn't care, but she saw the way people looked at

him. Everything about him drew people in; his beauty, the ease with which he

carried himself, even his voice was gravelly, deep and inviting. Everything about

him made people catch their breath, take another look, want to be near him, and

yet, there was an air of intrigue and danger that surrounded him; a storm of

something dark brewing beneath his other-worldly features. People found

themselves all at once afraid and attracted to him; poor unsuspecting humans

didn't stand a chance.

That kind of attention was not something she ever wanted turned on her, for

whatever reason.

"There's a word for women like me, you know, " Bella said harshly. She dug her

hands deep into the pockets of her cardigan.

"Intelligent? Beautiful? Sexy? Because you're all of those things, Bella, " Edward

touched her cheek tenderly, hoping it would help to melt Bella's defensive

posture.

"Cougar. They call women like me, cougars. Older woman, younger man. It's not

meant to be complimentary." Bella shivered and hunched her shoulders against

the rising wind. The clouds were closer now, and the air crackled with the smell of

rain.

"Well, you know I am a bit partial to a piece of mountain lion," Edward said dryly.

Bella couldn't help but smile.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it like that. It's just, you always seem so oblivious

to the age thing, and it's not that easy for me. It's different now, and I'm

just...trying to wrap my head around how things are," she said softly, as she took

his hand from her cheek and held it in her hands. "I love you." She brought his

hand up to her mouth and placed a kiss on his knuckles.

Fat drops of rain began to fall, splashing on the sand like little splatters of black

paint. In the distance, they could hear the boom and rumble of thunder.

"Come on," Edward said as he grabbed her hand, "we better make a run for it."

Bella did her best to keep up, but Edward could never completely reign in his

natural speed, and she soon fell behind. Her hair was completely soaked, streams

of water ran into her eyes, and she shivered as droplets of rain ran down the

back of her neck.

Edward turned back for her and hoisted her effortlessly onto his back. Gratefully,

she wrapped her arms around his neck. As he began to run, she nestled her head

into the crook of his neck, taking a deep, comforting breath of Edward and shut

her eyes tight.

In that moment, as the world rushed past her in a blur, Bella could almost ignore

the insidious unease that lurked deep inside her, the uncomfortable little ache

that wormed and worried against her bones. For the briefest of moments, she

convinced herself that there was nothing unbalanced or unnatural about their

relationship.

In that instant, all that mattered was that they loved each other.

In that instant, there was nothing to fear from the future.

VI.

Bella is 21.

"I still can't believe I'm really here," Bella sighed. "It's so..."

Hundreds of words swirled inside her head, but none of them seemed adequate.

"It's so..." She tried again, but gave up when she couldn't find a word that would

do it justice.

"Is it too much?" Edward moved to stand behind her and wrapped his arms

around her waist. Bella was rarely lost for words, and it amused him to see her so

overwhelmed and flustered. He kissed the side of her temple softly.

"It's perfect, Edward. Thank you." Bella swung around, flinging her arms around

Edward's neck and kissing him passionately, pouring all her enthusiasm and

gratitude into her embrace. Words were failing her, but she hoped Edward would

know how much this meant to her.

"I've wanted to bring you here for a long time. I know how much you wanted to

come here, " Edward said as he watched little pearls of happiness slide down

Bella's cheeks. He cradled her face tenderly in his hands, brushing away the tears

with his thumbs.

"I waited because I didn't want you to come for a short holiday, and then have to

rush back home again. I wanted to wait until you were finished with school, so

you could relax and enjoy yourself, without always thinking about what's waiting

for you when you get back. Of course, waiting until winter was also a good idea,"

Edward explained tenderly. Bella's eyes were sparkling with excitement and

wonder; she was overwhelmed, and utterly adorable.

"I wanted," he placed a kiss on her cheek, tasting the little streak of salty

happiness,"to give you," he kissed the other cheek, "the perfect," he kissed the

tip of her nose, "graduation present." He finished with a smile, placing a chaste

kiss on her lips.

"It is perfect, Edward. Just perfect, " Bella said, with a wide smile on her face.

She turned, wrapping Edward's arms around her again and leaned back against

his chest. She sighed, content and blissful, as she took in the breathtaking view

from their tiny balcony.

Paris at twilight was even more amazing than what she had imagined. Twinkling

lights stretched out to the horizon, as if the stars themselves had fallen from the

sky to decorate the city.

Edward was right; this was the perfect present.

"We can stay for as long as you want," he whispered in her ear.

"I think I'd like that," she replied with a grin.

A knock from inside their hotel suite interrupted their loving moment.

"That will be room service. I ordered you something, if that's okay. I knew you'd

be tired after the long flight, and I wasn't sure you would want to go out. We can

go out if you prefer, " Edward said as he released her from his arms.

"Room service sounds great." The barely-edible airline food had staved off the

hunger, but it had hardly been appetizing. Bella realized that, as usual, Edward

had anticipated her needs, even before she had. Her stomach made a loud

growling noise as she walked into the room, and she realized she was famished.

As she wolfed down the chicken salad, Edward unpacked their suitcases, hanging

their clothes in the closet and putting Bella's impressive collection of bottles,

lotions and other strange female accessories in the bathroom.

Bella found it hard to believe the plush hotel suite was going to be home, for as

long as she wanted. It was large without being too spacious, and lavishly

decorated without being over the top; everything was soft and warm. Esme

would definitely have approved of the soothing color scheme and the decadent

fabrics. Already, Bella was wondering if she would ever want to leave.

After Edward had stored their luggage away and Bella had finished her meal, they

lay on the bed together. It seemed like weeks, rather than just a day, since they

had simply sat together and enjoyed the quiet comfort of being alone in each

other's arms. Bella nestled into the crook of Edward's arm as he ran his fingers

through her hair.

"I thought, tomorrow, we could go exploring."

"I would love that. There are so many things I want to see." Bella had dreamed

about coming to Paris since she was a child.

"Well, we can do whatever you want. What's at the top of your list?"

"Maybe Père Lachaise?"

"Really?" Edward said, surprised. "Not Le Louvre or Notre Dame?"

"I want to see those too. We might be staying for awhile, my list is pretty long,"

Bella admitted, an embarrassed blush staining her cheeks. She knew her

enthusiasm must seem almost child-like; Edward had traveled the world, at least

a couple of times over. She hoped he wouldn't mind seeing Paris all over again as

she visited all the places she had read about.

"But a cemetery is at the top of your list, " Edward laughed.

"Yup."

"Let me guess...you want to leave a lipstick kiss on Oscar Wilde?" he asked

jokingly.

Bella snorted in mock disgust.

"Nope, but I will bring a lipstick along, just in case," she said with a smirk.

Edward, of course, knew every famous person who was buried in the cemetery.

He reviewed the names, making a list of possibilities in his head in a few seconds.

"Moliere?"

"Nope."

Okay, maybe not literature. Perhaps music? Edward narrowed down his list.

"Jim Morrison?"

"Nope." Bella grinned.

"Chopin? Bizet? Edith Piaf?

"Nope, nope and nope." Bella was laughing now, enjoying their macabre little

game of guess the grave.

"I could run through every single dead person buried up there but we would be

here all night. Why don't you just tell me who it is you want to go visit."

"Heloise and Abelard."

"Ah, of course. The original star crossed lovers."

"The most tragic love story ever told, " Bella sighed dramatically. There was

something enchanting about their story that had captivated the romantic within

her, from the very first moment she had heard their tale of sacrifice and illicit

love.

"She never stopped loving him, even after everything that happened to them

both. Her love remained intense and indestructible. Even after all those years.

Even in the face of danger. Even when they couldn't be together." Despite the

constraints of medieval society, Heloise had been intelligent, articulate and

passionate. Bella couldn't help but admire the strength of her spirit.

Visiting the grave of the celebrated lovers was going to be the highlight of her

adventures in Paris.

"For not with me was my heart, but with you. But now, more than ever, if it be

not with you, it is nowhere. For without you it cannot anywhere exist."

Bella was not at all surprised Edward could quote from Heloise's love letters.

Hearing her ardent declaration in Edward's deep, gravelly voice made Bella's

heart swell as the romantic within her swooned.

Bella sighed, this time with utter amazement. Sometimes it still seemed

completely unbelievable that she, Miss "Unremarkable" Swan had captured the

heart of Mr "Brings-His-Girlfriend-to-Paris-to-Quote-Love-Letters" Perfect.

"Are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep now?" Edward was aware Bella's body

clock would be confused for a day or so. It was dark and getting late. Normally at

this time of night, she would go off to bed and he would sit with her until she fell

asleep. Sometimes he composed or read or filled in the midnight loneliness with

something else. Sometimes he simply stayed with her and watched her sleep.

"Actually, I'm wide awake," Bella said as she sat up. She leaned over and

whispered in Edward's ear, "and I definitely don't feel like sleeping." Paris was the

City of Love after all. Bella had no intention of spending their first night here just

sleeping.

She ran her tongue over the curve of his ear as she lifted her leg over his body

and straddled his waist. "Maybe, I feel like playing instead."

Edward grabbed her around the waist with both hands and pulled her harder

against him as she nibbled the lobe of his ear and peppered kisses along his

jawline.

He groaned as she started to grind against him; he could feel the heat of her

through her jeans, pushing against the hardness in his own pants, all milk and

honey promises in every pass of her hips.

He pushed his hands up the back of her shirt and splayed his fingers across her

narrow back, rocking her against him in a rhythm that soon had her panting in

his ear. He started to pull up her top to lift it over her head, but was surprised

when she suddenly pulled away from him.

"Wait. I have a present for you, as well," she said with a mischievous grin as she

sat back on her heels.

"Now?" Edward said petulantly. He didn't really want to open a present now; he

wanted Bella to come back and finish what she started.

Bella chuckled at the look of irritation that was evident on his face. "Don't worry,

I think you'll like it. It's a naughty present," she said, lowering her voice to a

seductive whisper.

"Oh." Perhaps a present right now might not be such a bad thing Edward thought

to himself.

"Wait, right there." Bella climbed off the bed, and retrieved her handbag from the

side-table. She walked slowly to the bathroom, blowing a kiss to Edward before

she closed the door behind her.

While Edward was imagining all the different scenarios of what her naughty

present might be, Bella was silently thanking Alice for talking her into some girls-

only shopping time before they left for their trip. At the time, she hadn't been

convinced she needed the extravagantly expensive set of lingerie, or the over-

sized handbag that Alice told her she needed to pack it in. Now, she was glad her

surprise hadn't been ruined when Edward unpacked their things.

It took a few minutes to shimmy herself into the sheer stockings, the lacy g-

string and the boned basque. For seriously special occasions only! Bella thought

to herself as she struggled to get the garter clips in place. She ran her hands

down the front of the beautifully embroidered corset, and braved a look in the

mirror.

She had to admit, the black mesh against her bone-white skin was surprisingly

effective - her skin was glowing. The built in under-wire pushed her breasts up

and out, and the sheer panels down her sides made her look curvy. Bella admired

her reflection; she looked different...sexy. She half-turned in the mirror. The

basque was shorter through the back and it's hem followed the curve of her ass,

highlighting the fact she was wearing only a g-string. The criss-cross of the g-

string and garter straps were the only thing covering her whole behind. Bella

gulped, hoping she had the courage to pull this off. She turned to face the mirror

again and quickly pulled her hairbrush through her hair. She touched up her

mascara and pinched her cheeks, before taking a deep breath and opening the

bathroom door.

The look on Edward's face as she re-entered the bedroom justified every moment

she had struggled with the lacy whispers of fabric.

She walked slowly over to the bed, emboldened by the way Edward was staring

at her. His eyes had darkened and he was watching her every move intently,

carefully. His gaze was calculated; like he was sizing her up and deliberating on

what to do next. She was suddenly reminded that Edward was no ordinary man;

under the cool, calm exterior, there simmered a dangerous predator.

He was looking at her like she was prey, and it stirred something primal and raw

within her.

"So, Mr Cullen, like what you see?" Bella said provocatively as she brushed her

hand along the top of her breast.

"Very much, " Edward said with a wide smile as he sat up to get a better view of

her. He had been rock-hard before Bella's exit to the bathroom, but now he found

himself straining, uncomfortable against the suddenly tight denim of his jeans.

She looked amazing, and he couldn't wait to peel her out of the sinful little get-up

she was wearing.

Bella turned slowly, smiling to herself as she heard Edward's sharp intake of

breath, and walked to the closet. With an excruciating and exaggerated slowness,

she bent over to rummage amongst the shoes for a few seconds. What she

wanted wasn't down there, but she was enjoying listening to Edward mutter

profanities under his breath. Knowing she made him react that way was the

ultimate encouragement, and she felt suddenly bold, like she wanted to be the

sexy goddess that this outfit demanded.

She stood up straight again, found what she was looking for, and turned to face

Edward again.

His eyes were smoldering with desire, and she could tell from the way he was

clenching his fists that it was taking him considerable effort to stay on the bed.

The intensity of his gaze was making the lust spike between her legs.

"Now, are you ready for your present?" Bella said as she stalked over to the end

of the bed, remembering to sway her hips as she walked.

"This isn't the present?" Edward was already in some kind of horny boyfriend

heaven, and could hardly believe his luck. His utterly gorgeous girlfriend was

standing at the foot of the bed, wearing what could only be described as sex

itself, offering more. He mentally kicked himself for not bringing Bella to Paris

sooner.

Bella didn't say anything, but climbed on the bed and crawled up Edward's body.

As soon as she was within reach, he couldn't stop himself from touching her,

running his hands over her lace-clad breasts and down her sides, reveling in the

feel of the delicate fabric over her hot skin.

Bella straddled his waist as she had done earlier. "Tsk, tsk, Mr Cullen. Did I say

you could touch? Maybe I only want you to look."

Edward couldn't bring himself to remove his hands from her, and he skimmed

them along the tops of her legs, brushing his thumbs along her inner thighs. Her

skin was soft and smooth, and felt like liquid silk in his hands.

Bella grinned wickedly. "Hands!" she commanded.

Edward groaned, reluctantly dropping his hands from her body. It was clear Bella

was in charge tonight; and given how she was dressed, he was going to do

anything she wanted. Even if she wasn't going to play fair.

"Give them to me, " Bella said with a smirk. Edward complied, in awe of the sex

kitten in front of him. He realized that Bella had a piece of fabric scrunched in her

hand. He had wondered if her little show in front of the closet was merely a ruse -

torture by g-string - but now realized she must have pulled the sash from her

favorite blue top while she was over there.

Bella smiled sweetly as she lifted Edward's arms above his head, and used the

satin fabric to tie his wrists to the ornate wrought-iron headboard.

"Now, I know you can break this easily, but I want you to pretend you can't,

okay? And I'll pretend you can't, too. It'll be fun, I promise."

When Edward was bound to her satisfaction, Bella got off the bed again and

walked to the side-table where her iPod was docked in the suite's entertainment

system.

A second later, the air was filled with the sound of soft guitar chords. Edward

recognized the melody instantly, but the voice that burst into song was

surprising; young and female, pure, crystal-like clarity. Whoever was singing had

taken the 80's goth hit and turned it on it's head, stripping it down, letting the

lyrics shine against the slow and uncluttered acoustics. Bella's choice of song was

unexpected, but then, so was everything else she had done this evening.

Edward watched, entranced, as Bella began to sway to the music, rocking her

hips in time with the beat. She twirled around, arms stretched out, head back

and eyes closed. She was completely absorbed in the song; he could hear her

whispering the words to herself as she danced before him. Every sway and turn

gave him a glimpse of velvet skin, a sliver of sweetness he wanted to run his

tongue along. It was taking every ounce of his control to stay where Bella wanted

him.

She lifted her hair up in both her hands, letting it fall in waves of glossy satin as

she swayed with her back to him, giving him another view of her almost naked

behind. He made a mental note to take her lingerie shopping while they were

here, wondering if he could convince her to wear lacy thongs every day.

At first, he had thought Bella was choosing music for a sultry strip-tease, but

again, she was full of surprises. He watched her dance, as if she was lost in her

own world, and he was struck by how beautiful she really was when she was like

this; with all her guards down, uninhibited, free. She was so completely lost in

the song; it was as almost as if he wasn't even there. He wondered if she was

ignoring him for her own benefit, to control her nerves.

Edward watched, captivated, as Bella's hands began to trace over her body, soft

whispers of touch, following the curves of her hips, the swell of her breasts, up

into her hair. Nothing in all the world could have made him take his eyes off her

as she dipped her fingers under the lace of her panties, sighing as her hand

pushed lower. All the while,she whispered the words of the song, oblivious to

anything else but the music and the movement of her hands over her body.

It was so very intimate, watching her touch herself, as if she was alone. Like he

was spying on her most private, secret moment.

Edward realized then, that Bella's little show was nothing about nerves. The lack

of interaction was not because she was shy. Everything about this was calculated

and planned. Her present to him was letting him watch.

Edward had not stopped watching her, since the very first moment he laid eyes

on her. She mesmerized him with a strange magnetic pull and he found it hard to

tear his eyes from her. He watched her face for the thoughts he couldn't read in

her mind. He watched her dream at night. He had worried she would find his

voyeurism alarming or offensive, but she said she didn't mind. And so he watched

her; always.

Right now, watching her touch herself was the most erotic thing he'd even seen.

One of Bella's hands rubbed between her legs while the other squeezed her

breast. She had her eyes closed, and Edward could hear her heartbeat picking up

as her breathing quickened. A flush of pink spread across the tops of her breasts

as a bead of sweat trickled down her neck. Edward knew she was getting close.

A growl rose up out of his chest before he was even aware he'd ripped himself

from Bella's satin tie. Edward had to have her, now, before his cock fought it's

own way out of his pants.

Edward's outburst broke Bella from her trance, and she sauntered back over to

the bed with an exaggerated frown on her face.

"Now, what seems to be the problem, Mr Cullen?" She grinned as she pushed him

back on the bed.

"Bella, please." Edward was not above begging at this point. He needed her,

needed to be inside her, possibly more than he had ever needed anything before.

"I thought we were pretending you couldn't break out of this," she smiled as she

retied his hands to the bed frame with what was left of her sash. "You need to try

harder this time, okay?" she said with a wink.

This time she didn't leave him to dance on the other side of the room. Instead,

she slowly freed the buttons of his shirt, pushing it open so she could run her

fingernails down his sculpted abdomen, before placing soft wet kisses over his

chest. Edward groaned as she turned her attention to his nipples, sucking and

biting, driving him crazy with need. He wanted to rip the tie again, grab her and

drown himself deep inside of her.

He wasn't sure how much longer his self control was going to hold out.

She leaned over him, kissing his neck and nibbling the sensitive spot just under

his ear as she pushed herself against him, that tantalizing, hot pressure that

ignited the burn inside him.

"Fuck," he muttered, desperate for release. It was all too much, this close but not

quite enough, the weight, heat and scent of her. Desperate for more, he was

aching and close to losing it before she'd even touched his cock.

As if sensing his discomfort, Bella carefully unbuttoned his jeans, sliding them

down his legs.

"Let me take care of you," she murmured, "Just relax."

Relaxing was definitely not what Edward had in mind as Bella's mouth wrapped

around his straining erection. Her hot little mouth, all moist and tight, swirling,

sucking, pulling him closer to the edge . He watched her as she knelt between his

legs, glorious as she made love to him with her mouth - her eyes closed,

moaning as she moved over him. Her hips rocked back and forth as her head

moved, pulling, licking, teasing his lust and need to the surface. Seeing her giving

herself to him like this, hearing the sounds of her own pleasure as she pleasured

him, was racing him to orgasm.

He strained against the bonds she had placed on him, the sound of fabric ripping

mingling with the little murmurs and moans that she was making as she pushed

his cock deep into her throat.

Free from the restraints, he touched her head, carefully, always carefully, and

wrapped her hair in his fingers. Her moans grew louder, insistent, as he guided

her head with his hands, moving her over him, faster, harder. One more swirl of

her hot tongue and the frenzied bliss scorched its way through his skin, his

ecstasy pulsing into her mouth, icy streams of venom and cum and absolute

relief.

Sated, he lay back on the bed, panting, savoring the sweet after-glow of his

release.

Bella smiled as she crawled back up to lie beside him in the crook of his arm.

"That was my favorite top, you know, Edward. I won't be able to wear it properly

now," she pretended to pout.

Edward leaned over and kissed her passionately. "I will buy you a hundred of

those tops, if you'll do that again, sometime." He felt her smile against his lips.

He wasn't sad that sex kitten Bella had gone - he was going to enjoy making love

to his girlfriend now.

"Okay," she murmured.

He rolled her over onto her back, relishing the feel of her delicate body

underneath him. His hands swept hungrily over her skin, as though it had been

years since he'd touched her. She smelled like sex; his and hers, and it fueled the

fire within him again, his erection pressing hard against her thigh.

"Already?" Bella asked, surprised. This was quick, even for Edward.

"After the little stunt you pulled tonight, you can't be surprised, " Edward said as

he deftly unclipped the garter straps she'd had so much trouble getting in place.

He placed kisses down her legs as he rolled the stockings off her. On the way

back up, he whispered words of love against her skin, making her squirm as her

skin prickled under his cool breath. When he placed a kiss on her lace-covered

pussy, Bella gasped and rocked against his mouth, her own desperate need for

release gritty and throbbing under her skin. He chuckled and hooked his fingers

under the thin straps at her hips, and pulled her panties from her.

"This stays on," he said with a grin as he ran his hands over the delicate fabric

that covered her breasts. He lay over her, hard and bold, and nudging against

her.

Too far away...so close...almost...

"Please," she whispered. Edward smiled down at her. Somehow, the tables had

been turned, and now it was she that lay vulnerable, exposed and begging. She

had been intoxicating when she had been confident and in control, but she was

just as desirable as she supplicated and submitted beneath him.

He pushed himself inside her with one long thrust that filled and stretched her,

making her cry out. She was so soft and hot, soft and only, soft and oh, so

lovely.

She came quickly, breathing his name and kissing his face, loving him as he

made love to her. She was exquisite, perfect, just like heaven.

He knew then, that he would love her to the very end of his days.

VII.

Bella is 17.

"Thank you, so much, Alice. I don't know what I would have done without your

help."

"Are you kidding me? I love this sort of thing. It is definitely my pleasure."

Bella looked at herself in the full-length mirror in Alice's bedroom. She could

scarcely believe it was her own reflection. She looked like she was ready to go to

prom.

It was all there: Make up, hair, shoes, dress. Oh, the dress. It fit like it had been

made for her; strapless, with an empire line that fell in flowing waves of fabric

from under her bust. The deep midnight blue made her eyes sparkle and her skin

glow. It was sophisticated and elegant, and probably more suited to a red carpet

event than a high school prom, but Alice had insisted she borrow it.

She took a princess moment, spinning around, grinning as the fabric billowed out

around her.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked. Alice's own dress was a stunning, deep blood-red,

off-the-shoulder design that flattered her petite frame. Her normally spiked black

hair was swept and slicked to the side. She looked like a movie star, not a high

school senior.

"I'm so nervous, Alice," Bella whispered. Asking Edward to go to the prom with

her had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now the night was here, she

was almost wishing she'd opted for another night of take-out and watching

baseball with Charlie.

Almost. The thought of what Edward would look like in a tux was enough to steel

her nerves.

"He likes you, you know," Alice said, reassuringly.

"Really?" Bella tried not to sound desperate or needy, but there was no disguising

the hope in her voice.

"Absolutely. Edward doesn't do the prom thing. In fact, Edward doesn't really do

anything. He's been slowly fading away in front of us, bored and lonely and...just

empty."

An image of Edward flashed in Bella's mind. Edward sitting at a window, his back

hunched and his brow furrowed, staring into the distance. A forgotten watercolor

painting; dull and faded. The edges blurred and the colors nondescript. She felt a

pang in her chest as she imagined him so sad and alone.

"Then you came along," Alice continued, pausing in front of the mirror for one

last admiring glance, "and everything changed. It's been a long time since I've

seen him so...vibrant."

Bella's painting sprang to life; the colors now rich and bold, the lines sharp.

Edward was smiling, happy, energetic. Bella felt a strange warmth radiating from

her chest as she entertained the idea it might have been her that had executed

the rejuvenating brushstrokes.

Just then, Esme poked her head around the door. "Are you girls ready? Your

dates are waiting."

Despite the fact that they had only met for the first time tonight, Bella felt like

she had known Esme all her life. She was warm and accepting, welcoming Bella

into their home with a gentle enthusiasm which had made her feel instantly

included. She'd calmly helped them get ready, as much as Alice would allow,

offering advice and watching the endless primping and pampering with an

indulgent smile.

"You both look gorgeous."

"Thank you both for letting me get ready here. There's no way I could have done

all this on my own," Bella said. Their generosity was almost overwhelming. Alice

had taken care of everything, including the things Bella hadn't even known about.

She was more grateful than she could verbalize; for their help getting her

organized, and for helping her forget that her own mother wasn't here to share

this with her.

"I think it's us who should be thanking you, Bella. Edward has been... well, let's

just say that Edward has been much easier to live with these past few weeks,"

Esme said with a smile.

Bella blushed and smiled shyly. As the soft glow of hope spread across her skin,

she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to be more than just

Edward's prom date.

Edward's beautiful face flickered across her mind.

True to Esme's word, Jasper and Edward were waiting for them in the large foyer.

They stood side by side, in matching tuxedos, watching them as they walked

slowly down the stairs.

Alice descended the stairs first, with a smooth, carefree confidence, her eyes

never leaving Jasper's face. He gazed back at her adoringly, his perfect smile

getting wider the nearer she got to him. Bella averted her eyes as Alice flew into

his arm and kissed him passionately. She kept her eyes on the stairs as she

shakily followed in Alice's wake, praying she wouldn't trip and tumble. She didn't

dare look at anything other than her feet, in case her night ended with a visit to

the E.R.

Once safely at the bottom of the steps, she let out a sigh of relief and looked up

at Edward.

Wow.

She hadn't thought it possible that he could look more gorgeous, but...oh. He was

simply stunning. His hair was still it's usual haphazard mess, but it was shiny -

like he'd attempted to put some sort of styling product in it. Bella smiled,

guessing that was Alice's influence. Edward in a tux was a vision reminiscent of

Hollywood glamor. He was simply breathtaking. The tailored black jacket made

his shoulders look broader than normal, and he seemed taller, confident, in

control.

His amber eyes flashed with amusement as she gazed at him, lost in his dazzle.

"You look beautiful," he whispered as he took her arm to escort her outside.

She blushed again, and stole another peek at him. Her heart fluttered as he gave

her a crooked smile.

"Alice gave me strict instructions to get you a corsage," he said with a grin, "but

when I saw this, it reminded me of you. I hope you don't mind."

He handed her a single, long-stemmed pink rose. Each delicate petal was

perfectly formed, the softest blush of color deepening at the tips. Bella could

smell the distinctively sweet rose scent wafting in the air as she admired the

beautiful, fragile flower.

"It's beautiful, thank you," she said, too shy to ask him why he'd chosen it for

her.

Out on the landing, with the expansive forest that surrounded the Cullen house

as the perfect backdrop, they posed for the obligatory prom photos. Esme took so

many pictures, Bella's cheeks were aching by the time she finally finished and let

them leave.

Edward led her down the steps to the under-house garage. Bella gasped as she

saw the black Aston Martin Vanquish. Edward opened the passenger door for her

with a flourish. She stood there, shocked and in awe. Could this evening be any

more perfect? It was like a fairytale.

She carefully climbed into the car, taking care to arrange her skirt so it wouldn't

crease, before touching the dash reverently. This was one hell of a car. She

couldn't even begin to guess what a car like this would cost.

She blanched, realizing how much money the Cullens must have, if their teenage

son was allowed to drive a car like this.

"You like it?" Edward asked as he sat gracefully in the driver seat. "It's my

favorite, but if you think it's too much, we can take the Volvo."

"No, I like it," Bella said quickly.

Oh God, this was his car. Bella gulped as she realized the Cullens weren't rich -

they were super rich. Being the daughter of a policeman and an aromatherapist

who had shacked up with a minor league baseball player without a dime to his

name, seemed laughable.

Her nerves reached fever pitch. He was so out of her league, it was a miracle that

he had even agreed to go to the prom with her. Perhaps this was just a pity date;

she was new and he felt sorry for her. Or worse, maybe this was some kind of

sick joke that the whole school was in on - Mission: Humiliate the New Girl.

She could feel the tears of panic prickling at the edges of her eyes, and she

wondered if she could pull it together enough to ask Edward to take her home.

As if sensing her unease, Edward touched her hand softly. His touch was whisper-

light, his cool fingers wrapped around hers as he gave her an encouraging smile.

A strange sense of calm washed over her, and she found the nausea that had

been welling up in her throat being replaced with a nervous excitement. Edward

left his hand in hers as they drove, glancing over at her every now and then, with

that crooked smile that made her weak at the knees. Bella let her anxiety fade

away as she focused on how wonderful it felt to be here, with him.

All too soon, the short drive to school was over. They pulled into the parking lot

and Bella could see Alice and Jasper waiting for them beside a bright yellow

Porsche. Bella refused to be overwhelmed by the excesses the Cullens seemed to

take for granted. She wasn't here to worry about money and social standing - she

was just going to enjoy being at the prom...with Edward.

"Shall we?" Edward asked, holding out his arm again for her. She clung to it,

welcoming the chance to anchor herself to something more stable than herself.

As they walked into the school auditorium, it was almost as if there had been a

special announcement of their arrival. As if in unison, almost every single pair of

eyes in the room turned to watch them enter. Bella could even hear a few audible

gasps.

Bella felt like she was being pulverized under the weight of their stares and her

feet began to stumble, like she couldn't remember how to do something as

simple as putting one foot in front of the other. The crowd parted, all eyes on

them, as they made their way into the room.

"Everyone is staring," Bella whispered nervously.

"Don't worry about them," Edward said confidently as he negotiated the crowd,

ignoring the stares and whispers as they walked to the dance floor.

Bella gripped Edward's arm and tried to act confident. Inside, she was in agony;

the glares of her classmates like laser beams that cut to her soul.

She was aware that Edward was maneuvering her, guiding and gliding her across

the dance floor. She was thankful his grace and confidence hid the fact that she

didn't really know what she was doing. If she just followed his lead, she wouldn't

fall over and embarrass herself.

In his arms, she quickly found herself lost within him; drowning in the depth of

his eyes, drunk on the scent of him -all man and musk and sweet like sunshine.

He overwhelmed her, and it was almost enough to make her forget that all eyes

in the room were still transfixed on them.

Suddenly, Alice bounded up to them. "I need to go to ladies room. Let's go

together."

Alice didn't wait for an answer, grabbing her arm and bouncing off in the direction

of the bathrooms. Bella looked back over her shoulder and shrugged at Edward.

He just smiled, obviously used to Alice's interruptions, and turned to talk to

Jasper.

The bathrooms were decorated with hundreds of fairy lights, which gave the

normally dank room a pretty, warm glow. Alice touched up her lipstick as Bella

admired the bunches of fresh flowers on the vanity. The soft, floral scent

disguised any last trace of chlorine, and she could almost pretend they were

somewhere more romantic than the bathroom at school.

"I don't know if I can do this, Alice," Bella said shakily. "Everyone is staring...it's

too much."

"Don't let them get to you, Bella. They're just jealous. They all want Edward and

they can't handle the fact that he only wants you."

"Do you really think so?" Bella asked, hoping Alice's affirmation would give her

the strength to go back out there.

"I know so," Alice said, with such conviction that Bella couldn't help but believe it

too.

Buoyed by Alice's unwavering support, Bella found her way back to the ballroom

and stood on her tiptoes, trying to spot Edward's unmistakable mop of tousled

hair.

A girl, dressed in a bright pink, too tight dress walked past her, knocking her

shoulder into her as she passed. Bella grimaced, rubbing her shoulder as she

scanned the packed dance floor.

She saw Edward a short distance away, with his back to her, and she walked over

to join him.

When she got closer, she realized there was a pretty, blonde girl leaning up

against him, her hand splayed over his chest as she whispered something in his

ear. She was tall and gorgeous, and oozing sex appeal. A girl like that could get

any boy she wanted. Bella couldn't see Edward's face from where she stood, but

she could imagine him smiling as the girl flirted.

They were both beautiful. Alice had it wrong, Edward belonged with a girl like

that.

Defeated, she turned, determined to find a phone to call Charlie to come and get

her.

Suddenly, Edward was at her side. He pulled her close to him, protectively,

wrapping his arm around her and smiling, a look of sheer relief on his features.

The blonde didn't hide her disgust as she looked Bella up and down. Bella could

hear her muttering something snide under her breath as she flounced off.

"Do you want to get out of here for awhile?" Edward asked as if sensing her

unease.

"Please."

Edward led her by the hand to the door that was marked 'Backstage'. They shut

the door behind them, muffling the music and swamping the narrow corridor in

darkness. Even in the pitch black, Edward seemed to know where he was going

and she followed along blindly, clutching his hand as he led her down some stairs

and out a door.

Outside it was a clear, starry night and the silence enveloped her in a soothing

embrace. She felt instantly calmer away from the heat and noise of the ballroom.

If was a relief to be outside, in the fresh air, and to escape the scrutiny of bitchy

girls.

They walked slowly to the small lawn at the side of the auditorium where there

was a little bench seat.

"Do you want to sit for a bit?" Edward asked as he took off his jacket and held it

out for her. She realized she was, in fact, quite cold; the crisp night air had made

her skin goose-bumped, and she shivered as she accepted his jacket gratefully.

She wasn't sure if she had imagined his hands lingering on her neck as he swept

her hair from under the collar.

He sat beside her on the seat. She was aware of how tantalizingly close he was to

her like this. Just an inch separated them. She moved her knee closer, half an

inch now. She could almost feel him, but not quite. She wanted to press her knee

against his, knowing his leg would be strong and cool, like his arms had been

when they danced. She'd felt protected and safe in his embrace, and somehow

calmer, as much as had been possible under the circumstances.

It was strange; most boys were hot, simmering with unpredictable hormones and

brash bravado. Most boys were unsettling.

Edward was cool and calm. Being with him wasn't confusing. Nothing risky lurked

under the surface; he was confident and in control.

"Thank you. That was awful. The pack of piranhas in there, I mean. Not coming

to the dance with you. That bit was good. I mean, I just didn't realize..." Bella

cringed as she listened to herself, bumbling through the uncomfortable silence

which had stretched between them.

Edward shot another smile in her direction. "I'm sorry you're missing the prom."

"I'd rather be sitting here...with you," Bella whispered, stealing a glance at him.

His eyes, wide and bright, stared back at her, a perfect reflection of the longing

that burned inside her.

Her heartbeat began to quicken, its steady beat thumping in her ears, so

deafeningly loud that she was sure he would be able to hear it too. She

swallowed thickly under the intensity of his gaze, aware her breaths were coming

thick and fast now.

He leaned over towards her, so close she could see every individual eyelash that

framed his liquid honey eyes.

So close.

She saw something flicker across his features; a flash of hesitation. Was he

unsure if she wanted this? She leaned in closer, only a whisper separating them

now.

"Stay very still," he breathed, his peppermint-cool breath washing over her.

As if in slow motion, he closed the distance between them, his face lined in

furrows of concentration. She closed her eyes in anticipation.

Then his lips were on hers. Hot and soft, cool and hard; a breathy mix of

sensations that made her heart swell. He tasted like moonlight and toffee, and

she felt herself melt against him.

A soft kiss. A first kiss. A kiss to forget everything else.

A kiss that was better than Prom.

A kiss that promised many more to come.

Bella sighed. Perhaps Alice was right after all.

VIII.

Bella is 38.

Bella took a deep breath and stepped in front of the mirror.

The reflection which greeted her was breathtaking.

She had spent the entire morning at the mercy of hairdressers, make-up artists,

nail technicians, and a well-meaning but superfluous Renee, and this was the

impressive result. It was as if her fairy godmother had flown in, waved her magic

wand, and transformed her.

Except she wasn't Cinderella going to the ball to meet her Prince Charming.

Today, she was going to marry him.

Bella smiled at her bride-self reflection. She really did look amazing. She

wondered what her husband-to-be was going to think when he saw her. She

could almost imagine the boyish grin that would burst across his features as she

walked up the aisle towards him.

Husband. It was going to be so strange to call him that. She wasn't convinced

today's formalities and celebrations would change anything; they already shared

their lives together. She didn't need the official piece of paper to know that they

loved each other, but this was important to him and so, she had agreed.

Newly-weds.

Mr and Mrs.

This marriage thing came with a whole new vocabulary.

Bella smoothed her hands down the front of her ivory satin dress. It was a simple

design, yet still elegant, becoming of a woman of her age. Renee had not hidden

her disappointment that Bella had chosen something so plain, but Bella had

refused to be sideswiped by Renee's conviction that wedding dresses needed full

hooped skirts, puffed sleeves and goodness knows what other tacky flourishes.

There was no way she was getting married looking like a meringue.

She gazed at herself in the mirror, casting a critical eye over the glamorous

version of herself that stared back at her. The soft, understated make-up made

her skin look flawless, and her hair was piled up in a sophisticated arrangement

with delicate curls framing her face and sweeping along her neck. Her dress

might have been simple, but it was cut to flatter, showing off her narrow waist

and accentuating the curve of her hips. She really did look like the 'glowing

bride.'

The magic wand had taken off at least ten years; it was almost as if she didn't

even recognize herself.

In fact, this whole day had such a surreal feel to it, Bella almost felt like she was

having an out-of-body experience. Sometimes, it seemed as though it had taken

a lifetime to get to this day, and now that it was actually happening, it was

almost too hard to believe. Weddings were the stuff of daydreams and whimsy.

A long time ago, her life goal was to get married. Back then, she was convinced

that she and Campbell Smith were destined for a long and happy life together.

She even had her wedding dress picked out, the picture cut from a magazine and

glued lovingly into a scrapbook. Bella could still remember every detail of that

dress. Sweetheart neckline, rouching, beading and puffed sleeves - Renee

definitely would have approved. Then, one summer, Campbell Smith moved away

with his family to Texas and she never saw him again. Seven-year-old Bella had

been heartbroken, and had cried for a week.

Bella smiled to herself. Those were such ancient memories now.

She had learned so much about love since then.

"Are you ready, Bella?" Renee asked, interrupting her recollections of childhood

innocence.

Bella took a deep breath. Was she ready? Ready to get married to the man she

loved; the man that she knew, without a doubt, loved her with all his heart?

It was a simple question, really and yet, here she was...hesitating.

The butterflies that had been jostling against her rib cage all morning took flight,

threatening to fly right out her throat. She could feel the slickness of her palms

as she rubbed them against each other. These unsettling sensations told her that

she was nervous, but it was a detached, watered down effect - like she was

somehow feeling everything from behind a sheet of dull glass.

"It's okay to be nervous, sweetie," Renee said comfortingly.

Bella gave her a weak smile. That was all this feeling was, just nerves. Every

bride gets nervous on her big day. Maybe it was completely normal to feel this

overwhelmingly tight feeling in her chest.

Bella hesitated again, wondering if this was all a mistake. Was she doing the right

thing?

She squashed the thought quickly, extinguishing it under her ivory colored

stiletto.

The penny in her shoe rubbed against the sole of her foot, a dull reminder that

she should be thinking of her good fortune, not dwelling on guilt-laden thoughts

of self-doubt.

"Yes, I'm ready. Shall we go?" Bella said with a smile. She hoped Renee wouldn't

be able to tell it was forced.

Together, they descended the magnificent curved staircase of the enormous

homestead that they had chosen to host the wedding. Upstairs, there was the

suite of rooms where Bella and her guests had dressed, and the sumptuous

bedroom where she had spent the previous night. Downstairs was the ballroom,

where they would dance the night away. The building itself was impressive, both

in size and opulence, but it had been the gardens that Bella had fallen in love

with when they had come to view it. The main lawn, where they were holding the

ceremony, was bordered by a small stream and rows of rambling rose bushes.

Beyond that stretched acres of gardens, where every twist and turn of the

cobblestone pathways revealed a time worn statue or bird bath, a hidden

clearing, or a bench seat. Bella had wanted a romantic setting for the wedding,

and she had certainly found it here.

Charlie was waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs. Bella couldn't remember

ever seeing him look so suave. It wasn't just the tuxedo - he'd cut his grey hair

and grown a short beard - giving him an almost distinguished air. She couldn't

help but think that, in another life, he could have graced the functions of high

society and not looked out of place.

"You look stunning, Bella," he said, a genuine smile lighting up his face. He took

her arm in his, tugging awkwardly at his bow-tie with his free hand.

"Doesn't she just," Renee said as she started to sob.

"Mom, please...just don't." Bella wasn't sure she could keep her own emotions

under control, let alone manage Renee's as well. She had hoped that time and

age would rein in Renee's tendency for the melodramatic, but apparently that

was wishful thinking on her behalf.

Renee sniffed and dabbed at her eyes dramatically.

"It's just...after all this time...I had begun to give up hope you would ever get to

be a bride. And now, here you are...finally going to get married." Renee began to

sob again, frantically rifling through her clutch purse. She pulled out a little yellow

bottle and began to spray it in her mouth.

Bella sighed, hoping Renee's little episode would pass quickly. She shook her

head as Renee offered her a spray of Rescue Remedy. She'd had several glasses

of champagne upstairs. The alcohol-filled bubbles had taken the edge off, leaving

her full of a fuzzy numbness that she hoped would give her the fortitude to cope

with being the center of attention today.

She took another deep breath, quietly glad that Renee's irritating display was at

least momentarily deflecting attention away from herself and her shaking hands.

She gripped Charlie's arm, drawing strength from his stoic frame. He gave her an

apologetic smile as he led her through the foyer to the main entrance.

Outside, the gardens were in full bloom and the air was thick with the scent of

floral perfume and anticipation. They slowly walked along the vine-covered

archways that lead to the lawn where the guests were waiting. Bella could feel

her feet moving, but it was almost as if her body was propelling itself forward on

its own accord.

She was so numb, so nervous.

Rose bushes lined the path, the delicate, blush pink color catching Bella's eye. As

a memory began to bloom in her mind, her breath caught in her throat and her

chest constricted even further. There wasn't even time to think the thought that

lingered on the fragrant petals as she passed through an archway that led to the

lawn, and her awaiting groom.

Before them sat rows of their closest friends and family. It was just as she had

envisioned; small and intimate. She tried not to concentrate on the sea of faces,

but on the fact that they were all smiling. This wasn't a nameless mob of people

judging or exposing her. These were her loved ones, here to support her, to

celebrate and witness. She could do this.

She felt herself being pulled along by Charlie, his arm like a life preserver keeping

her afloat, as she became aware the music she had picked for this moment was

already playing.

The champagne-induced haze tumbled away, and she was suddenly overwhelmed

by a storm of emotions that was threatening to engulf and drown her. Her

carefully constructed armor was coming unglued, her nerves taut, control fraying.

She could hear her breath coming in little gasps as her skin broke out in a

clammy sheen of panic.

She kept her eyes on her feet and just concentrated on the walking. If she could

just get to the end of this tortuously long aisle, then...she wasn't sure... she just

had to concentrate on the walking.

Suddenly, Charlie stopped. He kissed her cheek, and then he was gone. There

was nothing left to hold on to.

She took a deep breath and looked up.

God, he really is gorgeous. His eyes were sparkling with adoration and

excitement. His love for her had never been as evident as it was in this moment.

She smiled, exhaling the doubt and worry. Relief flooded her veins, and she could

feel her muscles uncoiling. How could she have ever thought this wasn't the right

thing to do?

The celebrant was speaking, but she barely heard any of the words as she stood

hypnotized, dazzled by the light in his eyes and the love in his smile.

She belatedly realized there was something important being said.

"Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take this man to be your lawfully wedded

husband?"

Bella heard her own voice answer, "I do."

Husband and Wife.

To have and to hold.

Love, honor, comfort, and cherish.

From this day forward.

"And do you, Peter Michael Browne, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded

wife?"

She grinned as she heard his familiar deep voice echo her own promise of

forever.

IX.

Bella is 36.

The door closed behind her.

Edward felt himself crumpling to the floor, free-falling like his spine had been

ripped from his body, his granite-like strength seeping from his bones and

staining the floor with invisible blood.

A strange keening noise he didn't recognize erupted from his chest, filling the air

with the sound of pain and despair.

She was gone.

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."

"This isn't a normal existence, or the human life you wanted for me, Edward. It's

some twisted, warped fairy-tale, where instead of a happily-ever-after, I'm

damned to spend every day inching closer to death, and you're forced to watch

me slowly erode away."

Bella couldn't stand still, and she paced the floor restlessly, as if the constant

movement might ease the pain that was constricting her chest.

"I've already told you, Bella. We can make this work. I know we can. Please! "

Edward pleaded, watching her from his seat on the couch. A tangled ball of

emotions vibrated through every sinew in his body, threatening to explode and

obliterate; a time-bomb of anguish poised to destroy them both.

"No, I don't think we can, not anymore. You were right. I need to live a human

life. This life you live, it isn't real. You can have anything your heart desires. It's

effortless and..."

Edward interrupted her, leaping swiftly to his feet.

"You think my life is effortless? You think that I don't struggle with the same

emotions and challenges that you do? You think that I don't wrestle to keep

myself under control, every day? Do you realize how much effort it takes to keep

myself from hurting you? From killing you? You think that's effortless?" Edward

seethed.

"Exactly, Edward. How can you want to spend the rest of my life fighting that -

every. single. day? It shouldn't be that hard, just to be together."

Because I love you, Bella. Edward wanted to scream the words at her, but

instead he turned and stalked out of the room. He slammed the door behind him.

The sound of cracking timber ripped through the deafening silence.

Bella knew she was speaking, but the voice didn't sound like her own. It was

empty, emotionless, the words echoing in her heart.

"I'm not strong enough, Edward. I can't do this anymore."

"Do you want me to lie to you, and tell you everything is fine? That I think things

can go back to the way they were? The truth may be ugly, but a lie would be

worse. For both of us," Bella sobbed. "This..." she waved her hand haphazardly in

the space between them, "this isn't enough anymore."

"Bella...please don't say that."

Edward wrapped her in his arms. The strength of his arms around her was usually

a comforting, safe haven. Now, his cool, iron-like embrace was suffocating her.

"You promised me. You promised me a forever, an eternity. And I was so young

and naive, I actually believed you."

"That promise still stands, Bella. Whatever happens now, I will always love you,

forever."

"I know, but what I failed to realize then, was that your eternity and my eternity

are two different things. You promised me something you couldn't give me."

"You know why I couldn't change you. I thought you understood that? " Edward

sighed.

"Yes, but you can't give me the alternative, either. I'm trapped in this torture,

this limbo, unable to have a human life with you, and unable to have you forever.

Where does that leave me?"

"With me; here, now," Edward replied.

Once upon a time, that would have been enough.

He held her by the wrist, clinging, begging. He knew it was tight, too tight, his

desperation-laced grip would bruise her, maybe even break her.

But he couldn't let go.

"Please don't leave me."

Bella sat on the edge of her bed, waiting. Just as she knew it would, her phone

suddenly sparked to life, vibrating and glowing in her hand.

"Hi, Alice," Bella said, without looking at the display.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Alice said softly.

"Please don't tell me, okay? Don't tell me if this is the right, or the wrong,

decision. I don't want to know. I just...need to...go... and make my own way,

whatever happens. Okay? I know you can see, just...I can't know," Bella

struggled to hold back the tears as she begged Alice.

"Of course, whatever you want," Alice replied sadly.

"I'll miss you, Alice. You're my best friend, and it feels like I'm losing you too."

"We'll still be friends, Bella. I promise." Bella took strength in Alice's

reassurances, but deep down, she knew nothing was ever going to be the same.

It had been a long time since she could remember being scared. There is little to

fear when you have an impossibly strong, unbreakable immortal by your side.

Now she was completely and utterly alone.

And she was terrified.

"You're leaving because I can't give you children." Edward couldn't read her

thoughts, but there was no mistaking the look of pain and longing that flashed

across her face when she saw a baby.

"It's part of it. I'm sorry. I just can't help feeling like I'm meant to be a mother. I

tried for so long to push it down and ignore it, but it just never goes away."

"We could adopt, or something. There are ways, Bella." Edward knew he sounded

desperate, and for a split-second he convinced himself that a baby would be the

answer. If it would fix it, he would do it. He would do anything.

"I'd do it if that's what you wanted, Bella."

Bella laughed, but it was laced with pain, not humor. "Jesus, Edward. We both

know you're a masochist, but really? That's a bit much, even for you." She shook

her head as she considered the myriad of secrets and lies that would swaddle any

child of theirs, however it came into the world. An image of Edward holding a

baby in his arms flashed through her head; a child raising a child. At least, that's

how it would look. Another image chased away the doting father, and Bella

swallowed back her tears as she imagined Edward standing over the grave of his

own child.

"You don't love me anymore, is that it? Please, just tell me."

Bella tried not to look in Edward's eyes, afraid of what she would see there.

"Of course, I still love you. I think I always will, Edward. I think, maybe, the

problem is that I love you too much. And, if you really loved me, you'd let me

go."

"I don't know how, Bella."

"You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours."

The white-on-white hotel room was plush and lavishly decorated, but for once

Bella didn't see the expensive furnishings, the carefully themed accents, the fresh

white roses on the buffet. To her, the room was cold and clinical; it wasn't home.

Her limbs were numb, heavy, and they seemed to propel her forward on their

own accord. All purposeful thought had long fled. She dropped her bags in a heap

on the floor, shedding her clothes as she stumbled to the bathroom.

She turned her back on the mirror, not wanting to see what havoc the day's

destruction had wreaked on her face, and turned the shower on.

The water was so hot it stung, but she welcomed the pain. As each scorching

droplet hit her skin, she imagined it burning a hole in her flesh, atonement for her

sins and the devastation she had caused. If only it would wash away the agony

and fill the void in her chest where her heart once beat.

She slumped to the tiled floor, holding her knees tight to her chest as the grief

consumed her. Muffled sobs wracked her body as hot tears streamed down her

face.

Tiny fragments of her heart, splashing to the floor before dissolving and

disappearing.

X.

Bella is 17.

Edward was a vampire.

Bella heard herself laughing, the sound nervous and strained. A little bubble of

hysteria escaped her chest.

She paced the floor of her bedroom, up and down, down and up, wearing a track

of disbelief in the flecked carpet.

The vampire in question sat on the wooden chair at her desk, watching her every

step with careful, cautious eyes.

Bella opened her mouth as if to ask a question, then suddenly snapped it shut

again. Shaking her head, she continued her pacing, her face impassive.

"Bella, I know this is a lot to take in, but please...please say something," Edward

said softly.

Bella snorted. There simply weren't words.

When Edward had told her they 'needed to talk' she had thought he was going to

finally get around to ending this confusing, he-likes-me/he-likes-me-not, flirtation

that had been frustrating her for the past few weeks. When he had said those

words that every girl dreads, she had thought he must have finally realized how

out of his league she really was.

But, no. Instead, he had informed her that he was a vampire.

A vampire.

Images of scarlet satin, creaking coffins, bats and cobwebs, and monsters that

belonged in black and white movies had flooded her mind when he had uttered

the word. As he explained about his 'family' and how they lived their 'vegetarian'

lifestyle, the images had warped and twisted, overlaid with the faces of the

Cullens, abstract and off-center and clearly wrong.

She sighed. Edward had also told her he could read people's minds.

It seemed so unfair that she had found a boy who was so irresistibly perfect -

gorgeous, charming, intelligent, rich - and he was delusional. She wondered what

exactly his diagnosis was. She hoped it wasn't anything that included the words

psychotic episode.

After he had kissed her at prom, she had been on an Edward-induced high for

days, entertaining her daydreams with thoughts of being his girlfriend. She had

assumed the kiss was as good as a declaration, and was convinced he felt the

same way she did.

She should have known it was all too good to be true.

Edward had not only confessed his "secret ability", but he had also informed her

that Alice, her one and only friend in this town, could see the future. Her

husband, Jasper, could influence emotions, and they all lived together in their

perfect vampire house with their pretend vampire parents.

Another bubble of panic-induced laughter escaped.

"I'm struggling to find words, Edward," Bella said as she collapsed on her bed.

Today was officially the weirdest day of her life.

"Would it help if I showed you?" Edward said as he stood up.

"You already told me you can't read my thoughts," Bella said as she rolled her

eyes, sarcasm dripping from every word. Of course, she was the only one he

couldn't hear. How convenient for him.

Edward didn't respond.

Bella sat up and looked around, but Edward had vanished.

"Edward?" she whispered. Oh God, she was alone in the house with a boy she

hardly knew. A boy who was undeniably mentally unstable. A boy who was

hiding, laying in wait for her, ready to...

She couldn't bear to finish that line of thought. Edward might be insane, but he

had never done anything to make her fear him.

"Edward, are you there?" she said tentatively as her heart began to race. She

looked around the room wildly.

"I'm right here, don't be scared." Edward materialized beside her as if from thin

air.

Bella gasped, a sudden surge of adrenaline racing through her veins.

"Sneaking up on someone does not make you a vampire, Edward," she said

sharply. Anger flared inside her. How dare he scare her like that? This whole

vampire thing was just ridiculous. Maybe she should just end it now before she

encouraged this madness any further.

"Look, Edward..." Bella began.

"Bella, please. I know it's hard to believe, but it's what I am. Will you let me show

you?" he pleaded.

Against her better judgment, she found herself taking Edward's outstretched

hand and letting him lead her out of her room and down the stairs.

His hand was ice cold. She'd only really touched him one other time, on the night

of the prom. It had been a chilly night and she had not thought anything of his

cool skin then. Now, however, it was warm and the air conditioning was on, and

yet, his hand was an unnaturally cool temperature. She refused to let her

thoughts go there and she shrugged it off. Perhaps he just had bad circulation.

They walked through the yard, and into the woods that backed on to the

property. Bella had only been up there a few times since moving in. The bush got

dense and thick only a few feet in from the fence line, and the sudden gloom had

put her off exploring further. Charlie had told her the forest stretched on for

miles, and the thought of getting lost, wandering aimlessly and all alone, or

worse - having to spend the night curled up on the forest floor, was petrifying.

She kept her walks short and restricted to the edges where the light still filtered

through.

Edward didn't seem worried about getting lost in the forest though, and he led

her purposefully, deeper into the thick trees.

Finally, they came to a small clearing and Edward stopped, dropping her hand

and turning to face her.

"I need to show you. I need you to understand," he said earnestly.

He walked to the nearest tree and pulled it from its roots.

Bella gasped and rubbed her eyes, convinced they were playing tricks on her.

Edward pulled another tree from the ground, this time throwing it away as if it

weighed no more than a football. It landed on the other side of the clearing,

branches and dirt flying through the air as it impacted with the ground. Birds flew

up into the sky, screeching their warnings as the sound of splintering wood

echoed around them.

Bella stared wide-eyed at Edward as he looked at her expectantly.

"You want to see my super human speed as well?" he demanded.

"Okay?" Bella wasn't sure what she wanted. Her brain was too shocked to think

anything at all.

Edward pointed through the trees to a small rise, a mile or so in the distance.

"See that hill? Keep your eyes on it."

Bella nodded and turned her eyes back to Edward, but he was gone. She looked

around, but just like earlier in her room; it was like he had vanished.

Reluctantly, she drew her eyes back to the hill Edward had just shown her, afraid

of what she would see there.

He was standing on top of it.

Her hand flew to her mouth, covering it as she stood there in shock. It took her a

second to process what she was seeing.

Suddenly, a whirlwind, thick with the scent of him, swirled around her, lifting the

fallen leaves and forest debris into the air. She gasped as he reappeared beside

her.

"I'm a vampire, Bella," he said seriously. "I'm faster and stronger than you can

probably comprehend. Think of me as the ultimate predator - every one of my

senses is a hundred times more evolved than a human's. There's no way to

outrun me and no way to outfight me." He paused. "You could never hide from

me."

He stood so close to her; just his proximity was intimidating. She looked up at

him, shocked by the determined gleam in his eyes and the hard set of his jaw.

She swallowed thickly as Edward glared at her, his resolve painted in the thick

lines of his frown. His whole being was tense, poised, like a tiger ready to strike.

"You're a smart girl, Bella - you know what vampires feed on. Sure, I can live this

vegetarian existence, but it's hardly fulfilling. It certainly doesn't take away the

cravings; the unbearable thirst that burns inside me."

Bella could feel her heart racing and her palms were slick with sweat, but she

refused to let the panic that was building up inside, overwhelm her. Edward's

words settled around her, the weight of his warning heavy against her heart.

"I fight it the best I can, but human blood is the only thing that will ever satisfy

me. Who knows how long I can hold out," he sneered.

His icy-sweet breath washed over her, instantly reminding her of the kiss they

had shared at prom, when Edward had been so caring and attentive. He might be

trying to scare her now, but she remembered the softness in his eyes as he had

placed his lips on hers.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I

don't find you scary at all, actually, " Bella said defiantly.

Edward laughed bitterly.

"Oh, Bella. I can hear your heart racing and I can smell your fear. And you should

be afraid. You look at me and all you see is this mask. It's all a lie, designed to

lure you in. Underneath, there's nothing but a dangerous monster. I've killed

people before, you know. In fact, I could kill you in less than an instant. Right

here. Right now. It would be so quick, you wouldn't even realize until it was too

late."

Bella was afraid, very afraid, but in spite of everything she had seen and heard,

she found herself unable to believe Edward would harm her.

"I know you won't hurt me," she whispered. She stared at the ground, unable to

meet his eyes, even as she felt herself trembling.

Edward reached out and softly pulled her jaw up with his fingertips. She closed

her eyes, afraid that she had pushed him too far. Whatever Edward was, there

was an undeniable edge of danger to him; something menacing that boiled under

the surface. She was beginning to regret goading him; in fact, she was regretting

coming out here with him in the first place.

"Look at me," he demanded.

She took a deep breath and pulled her eyes up to meet his gaze. His eyes were

softer now, familiar tenderness simmering behind the glowing amber.

"I've never wanted someone as much as I want you, Bella. But you need to

understand this is what I am," he said softly.

"I'm not your Prince Charming or your Knight in Shining Armor. I'm not perfect.

Hell, I'm not even human; I'm an abomination, a freak. You need to know how

dangerous I am."

Bella was speechless as Edward changed tact. Gone was the lurking monster,

ready to destroy her; in its place was just...Edward. Maybe a little more

complicated now, but underneath all the shock and awe and disbelief was the

same irresistible boy she had fallen for.

"Bella, I want to be yours. I hope you can see past all of this, and see the real

me. I will do anything it takes to be good enough for you. I want to be

better...for you," he finished. His expression was guarded as he waited for her to

respond.

"You really want me?" Bella wanted to kick the overly eager, love-sick girl that

had suddenly taken over her voice. Was she really going to accept everything

Edward had shown her today, so easily?

"Absolutely, " he smiled. "I never thought I would want to have a relationship

with a human girl. But I cant stop thinking about you, Bella. I tried to ignore my

feelings for you. I told myself it was too risky and that it would never work.

There's just something there, I can't explain it. I've never felt like this before. I

know it will be difficult, but I have never wanted anything as much as I want to

make this work...with you. Maybe I'm being a selfish bastard to even expect you

to agree after everything you've heard, but I want to try. I want to be yours," he

said passionately.

Bella's heart began to flutter as she heard him reveal his feelings for her. She

could hear nothing but sincerity in his tone, and in spite of her fear and

reservations, she found herself imagining him embracing her again, maybe even

kissing her.

"If you'll have me, of course," he grinned. "Maybe you have a pathological fear of

vampires and I'm out of luck."

Bella felt herself relaxing as playful Edward returned.

"Jesus, Edward. First you tell me you're a vampire and that you could kill me in a

flash and then, the next minute, you're telling me that you like me and you want

to be with me. Your mood swings are giving me whiplash," she laughed.

"I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to process, but you need to know everything. I want

you to say that you'll have me, even as flawed as I am, but I'll understand if you

never want to see me again. I'll go and..."

"No!" she blurted out suddenly, unable to imagine her life without Edward in it.

She knew she was confused; her mind was racing with a disorienting turmoil of

thoughts and emotions, but of one thing she was absolutely certain. She wanted

Edward.

She smiled. "I need some time, Edward."

"Of course. I'm just relieved you're even going to consider it, Bella," Edward said

as he took her hand. "We should head back."

As they walked back to the house, Bella found her shock and astonishment giving

way to a muted acceptance as her mind wrestled to make sense of all the

amazing things Edward had shown her. It was unbelievable, but there seemed to

be no other explanation.

Holding his hand in hers, she felt comforted by the protective strength of his grip

and for the first time, she felt safe and unafraid in the forest. Holding his cold,

pulseless hand in hers made her think of something.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"How old are you really?"

"I was born in 1901."

"Wow," Bella paused, considering. "So you're...what? Undead? Is that why you're

so cold?"

"I guess so. I won't ever age and I won't ever die, if that's what you mean, "

Edward said somberly.

"Oh." Again, Bella found herself lost for words in the face of the wonder that was

Edward. He was right - this was all a lot to take in.

"Like I said, I know it will be difficult, but I will do whatever it takes to make this

work, Bella."

They walked in an easy silence as Bella considered what Edward had said.

"It must be so amazing to know you're going to live forever. I mean, there are so

many things you could do, and you'll never run out of time to do them," Bella

said excitedly, her voice full of wonder. "You'll always be young and beautiful.

God..." she sighed, "that is so amazing! You'll never get old and tired and

wrinkly."

Bella didn't notice the sadness in Edward's eyes as he looked at her.

"Eternity is a long time," he said quietly.

"The things you must have seen and experienced! Wow. I have a lot of questions

for you," Bella said in amazement.

"Well, let's get you back and then you can ask me anything you want, " Edward

said indulgently, as he lead her through the forest towards her home, and the

start of their future together.

XI.

Bella is 38 (11months before the events in Ch9)

"Oh, Peter! This is wonderful." Bella stared in awe at the candlelit room.

Glowing tea-lights flickered on every surface, casting soft shadows across the

room. The dining table with its crisp tablecloth, shining cutlery and crystal glasses

looked like it belonged in a 5-star restaurant. It was a vision of romance.

Bella marveled at the effort he must have gone to, to arrange everything before

she got home. She leaned over to admire the huge vase of white lilies that graced

the center of the table; stark, snow-white petals framing the vivid orange stems.

She inhaled a deep breath full of their spicy scent.

"I thought a single rose would have been more fitting, but I know you don't like

them," Peter said softly.

"Is it a special occasion?" she asked distractedly, trying to recall if she had

forgotten something important.

Peter wrapped her in his arms and tenderly kissed the top of her head.

"It is indeed. It's one year since we met."

She gazed up into his clear blue eyes, azure sky and deepest ocean, sparkling

with nothing but love for her.

"You mean, one year since you collided with me in a grocery store," Bella

laughed.

"What do you mean? It was you who collided with me!" Peter replied, playfully.

Bella smiled to herself as she remembered that ordinary day that had changed

everything. It wasn't every day that she went to get groceries and came home

with a man's phone number; a tall, dark and handsome man's phone number at

that.

She still had the receipt that Peter had scribbled his details on that day, stored

safely in her jewelery box. When she had arrived home after their 'encounter,'

she had held that innocuous piece of paper in her hands for hours, trying to

decide whether she should just throw it away, or take a chance. Take a chance on

Peter. Take a chance on living again.

Peter released her, reaching over to the table for the bottle of wine. He held it out

to her with a flourish. "Glass of bubbles?" he asked with a grin.

"You didn't," Bella said incredulously.

"I did." Peter expertly opened the wine and poured them each a glass.

"To us," he said as he held his own flute up in a toast.

"To us."

Bella swallowed the sweet tickling bubbles with a smile. It was so very Peter to

remember the little details, right down to the bottle of wine.

The past year had flown by so quickly, that Bella had almost forgotten about the

bottle of champagne that had sacrificed itself on the grocery store floor. She

grinned as she remembered how she had hastily grabbed a bottle of bubbly, and

then turned too quickly, slamming into a big, muscly wall of man. Peter had been

so lovely about the whole thing, even as his dress pants dripped with the sticky

alcohol. Bella, on the other hand, had been drenched, her dress wet and clinging

to her as she stood in shock and embarrassment. Peter had offered to pay for it

to be cleaned; at least, that's the excuse he had used as he scrawled out his

number for her.

It had not been a conventional way to meet someone, but they had laughed

about it in the following months, joking that it was going to be a good story to tell

their grandchildren.

Bella took another swallow of the soft, alcohol-filled bubbles. Peter had never

asked why she had been buying expensive champagne that day. In an eerie

coincidence, that day had also marked a one year anniversary. One year since...

Bella refilled her glass quickly. The memory was bittersweet, both a new

beginning and a sorrowful ending; one flashback that was both the breath of new

life - joy and rebirth - and the extinguishing of a lifetime of dreams.

Her pain back then had still been raw, her wounds seeping like an open blister on

her heart. Life on her own had been unbearably lonely, empty, terrifying. The

regret and self-doubt had scratched away at the very surface of her being,

leaving her exposed and vulnerable. She had intended to douse her wounds in

alcohol, a fitting way to mark twelve months of misery in her self-inflicted hell.

Bella grimaced. Thinking about her life then was almost like recalling a movie she

had watched a long time ago. It was a life so removed from her reality now that

she had trouble reconciling that broken, hurting woman with who she was today.

It was almost like it had been someone else who had spent a whole year afraid

and alone, living a half-life inside an empty shell.

Peter had literally crashed into her life, and in doing so had reawakened her from

the pain-induced lethargy. Before that day, she hadn't so much as looked at

another man, and she had shocked herself when she found herself dialing his

number. The first two times, she had put down the phone before pushing 'send',

but there had been something about his wide, open smile that had left her feeling

warm and safe, and she had picked up the phone again.

Now, here she was, another year older, another year had passed. Except this was

a year worth celebrating, for all the right reasons.

A year of living.

She watched Peter in the kitchen, busily arranging food on plates. She smiled as

she recognized the smell of her favorite pizza. Cooking was definitely not Peter's

forte, but she appreciated that he had gone to so much effort to make this special

for her. She watched his handsome face, serious as he concentrated on his task,

a light dusting of grey above his temple visible in the soft candle glow.

Peter had celebrated his fortieth birthday the previous month, the silvering of his

hair the only indicator that he was fast approaching middle age. His body was still

lean and muscular, thanks to the long runs he enjoyed every morning, and his

face showing only the lightest of wrinkles when his face broke into a smile. He

was handsome, not in a chiseled male-model kind of way, but with kind and open

features that instantly put people at ease. Bella had found herself won over by his

charm and affable personality, his easy-going nature the perfect salve for her

apprehension.

As he placed her dinner in front of her, Bella thought about how patient he had

been, giving her the space and time she had needed to heal, and being there for

her when she needed help to find the courage to move on with her life. His

optimism and overwhelming love for her had, all at once, scared and excited her,

but there was no denying that it had been his affection and attention which had

sparked her heartbeat back into rhythm.

Peter's love may have eased the edges of her broken heart back together, but

like any new scar, there was still a tenderness, a reminder that it would only take

the slightest pressure for the wound to rupture open again.

Bella tried to concentrate on the fact that Peter was the normal, human life she

had wanted to find. He was the answer to the nagging unease that had plagued

her for years. He was everything she could ever want, and more.

And yet, sometimes he didn't quite fill the void.

Sometimes a little sliver of unbidden thought escaped, snaking its way into her

consciousness. Tonight's celebration of love and happiness had unwittingly peeled

back the edges of the scab again, the pain and loss threatening to bleed out as

the memories of another life, another lover, teetered on the edge of her

thoughts.

Bella gulped down the remains of her glass, before standing up slowly, and

moving to sit in Peter's lap.

"Thank you. Tonight has been perfect," she breathed against his neck as she

kissed the stubble along his jaw. He tasted like salt and man, all musk and heat,

and earthy want and need.

"It's my pleasure," he muttered in response as he ran his hands up her back,

pulling her closer to him.

"You know what would make it even more perfect?" Bella whispered, before

placing soft, wet kisses along the shell of his ear.

"I have a fairly good idea," he said, moaning as she began to rub herself against

the straining bulge in his jeans.

The searing heat of his skin, an outward assertion of the passion that burned

fierce within him, still came as a surprise even after all this time, and she relished

the feel of him, burning hot with desire under her hands.

He claimed her mouth in his, making her body tense with a sudden surge of lust

and longing as his tongue swept against hers. His arms wrapped around her,

tight, strong and safe. She found the memories fading away as she lost herself in

the sensations of Peter's love.

She closed her eyes and let herself forget.

XII.

Bella is 39.

I'm going to stick another 'this is an M rated story' disclaimer here. This chapter

contains adult content.

Bella sighed as she watched Peter's car drive away. A cloud of dust, disappearing

into the distance as he made his way down the winding country lane.

They had spent the past week on vacation at a secluded holiday home on the

edges of the lake. A whole week of enjoying each other's company without the

pressures of real life, relaxing in the sun, swimming, and simply basking in the

quiet. It had been the break they had both needed, perfect in every way; perfect

up until the point when Peter had been called back to the city for a work

emergency. Bella wasn't sure exactly what constituted an 'emergency' for an

architectural firm, but Peter had reluctantly headed back. They were paid up for

another couple of days, so she had decided to stay on by herself. She wasn't

quite ready to head back to work and reality just yet.

She wandered back into the quaint, but comfortable, cottage, picking up her

mobile as she passed the hallway sideboard.

Miss you already. She sent Peter a quick text before heading into the kitchen to

fix herself a glass of wine.

It was only an hour or two before nightfall, but the air was thick and balmy and

Bella took her wine out to the deck. She took a tiny sip as she stood, leaning

against the veranda railing, admiring the view over the lake. It was so beautiful

and serene, she thought she might never want to go back.

Twilight had begun to paint the sky in vivid strokes of orange and pink, the

muted light casting shafts of light across the rippling water. She almost felt a

little sad, watching the stunning swansong for what was essentially the death of

the day. Night would descend into place soon and with it, a different kind of

beauty and peace.

I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars.

She swallowed the rest of her glass quickly as if to wash away the memory.

Suddenly, there was a flash of movement on the edge of her vision, and she

gasped as a shadowy figure emerged from the edge of forest that surrounded the

house. She could feel her heart pounding as the person approached quickly...too

quickly.

She could barely believe her eyes when the stranger emerged from the shadows.

"Edward?" she whispered in disbelief, a stomach-dropping sense of dread, and

anticipation sinking to the tips of her toes. "What the hell are you doing here?

How did you..."

Edward smiled apologetically. "Alice slipped up," he said softly.

He didn't move any closer to her, standing just inside the line of light that flowed

out from the house. Bella found it hard to drag her eyes from him, and she

swallowed thickly as she drank him in. He hadn't changed at all, and the

observation sent a pang of envy and regret through her bones.

"Are you going to invite me in?" he asked, his smooth, deep voice a shockingly

familiar sound that echoed inside her heart.

"Um, yeah, I guess so... Come in." Bella motioned with her hand for him to follow

her. She wasn't sure how she was managing to speak or move, the shock of

seeing him again numbing every thought and sensation.

"This is nice," he said flatly as he looked around the living room.

"It is, yeah, really quiet. It's...er...nice." Bella rolled her eyes at herself. Was it

possible her 17-year-old self had resurfaced? Or was there another explanation

as to why she was, once again, bumbling through sentences, helplessly

incoherent in the presence of Edward?

A heavy silence filled the space between them.

Bella found herself fidgeting, not sure what to say or do. If he were human, she

could at least offer him a drink, but he wasn't; she couldn't even use time

honored social traditions to mask her unease.

She pretended to rearrange the random objects on the desk in front of her, aware

her hands were picking up things, but not even registering what they were. Her

thoughts were scattered and frenzied as she tried to make sense of this

mystifying appearance of a ghost from her past.

Three years since she had seen him last. It felt like a lifetime ago.

She could feel her skin prickling, and she knew instantly his eyes were on her. It

was unsettling. There had been a time in her life when that feeling would have

meant something different, something pleasant; arousing even. Now, she wasn't

sure what she was meant to feel.

"Did you come here for a reason?" she asked suddenly, her mind automatically

flicking through possible scenarios that would explain his appearance. Had

something happened to Carlisle or Esme? Alice? Her stomach dropped further as

she considered all the worst-case scenarios. Were there bad things that happened

to vampires, too?

"I came to see you."

His matter-of-fact reply caught her off guard. She couldn't decide if his answer

was better, or worse, than knowing that there was no bad news to accompany

him.

"Why?" she whispered, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"Because I couldn't go another day without seeing you. I just wanted to make

sure you were alright...that you were happy."

His words pierced her heart, picking away at the edges of old scars. She tried to

ignore the tentacles of panic that were wrapping around her chest, pulling tight

and making her breath come quick and fast.

"Well, I am, actually. I am happy. I got married and he's great. He's just popped

out for a bit. He might even be on his way back by now." The lies slipped off her

lips in a rush, before she had even registered what it was she was saying, her

mind desperately trying to find an escape.

The panic pulled tighter.

Bella cringed as she watched a flash of pain whip across Edward's face. For the

first time since he had come inside, she really looked at him.

She had been mistaken - he didn't look the same at all. His face was gaunt,

cheeks hollow and skin paler; sallow even. There was a tense line to his

shoulders that she couldn't remember ever seeing before. His eyes had haunted

her dreams for years; glowing amber, liquid honey, soft and warm. Tonight they

were coal-black, glinting with something hard and dangerous.

"When was the last time you hunted?" she asked cautiously.

"A while ago. He loves you, you know."

"What?" she asked, taken aback by both of Edward's admissions.

"He loves you. I heard him, before."

Bella blanched as she realized Edward had been in the shadows watching,

waiting...thirsty.

"He loves you. It's actually kind of sweet, to hear him think about you. I'm glad

you found someone."

There was no mistaking the strain in his voice. He let out a strangled laugh.

"Hearing him...It made me realize that there were holes in your life I could never

have filled. I'm pleased you found someone that could give you the things I

couldn't."

Bella couldn't think of anything to say, so she watched, her unease and fear rising

as Edward flitted across the room. His movements like flickers of flame,

dangerous, unpredictable and yet, mesmerizing. She tried to remember if she

had ever seen him so unhinged. She could almost see the last thread of control

fraying before her eyes. She tried not to think about what would happen if it were

to snap.

"What do you want, Edward?"

She hoped her question would redirect his energy. It was almost painful to watch

him moving through the room like a blur at vampire speed, and then in the next

breath, human speed again, like an exaggerated frame by frame replay. His

agitation spilled across the room as his disconnected movements became more

and more random.

He laughed bitterly.

"I don't know if this was a good idea, you should probably go." She tried to make

her voice sound confident and authoritative, but it came out sounding like a

question.

She had always known that his cool, calm, and collected exterior hid something

primal and elemental, something sinister, but she had never truly believed he

would ever hurt her.

Until now.

"Probably," he said with a sigh of resignation, yet he made no move to go.

Bella stared out the window, the lake a shimmer of darkest gold as the sun lay on

the horizon. She concentrated on the beautiful view, trying to calm herself, all the

while knowing Edward could hear her heart trying to beat its way out of her

chest.

She felt her skin prickling again.

She turned quickly, ready to tell him to leave, gasping as she almost collided with

him. He was so close she could feel the coolness of his body lowering the

temperature of the whisper of air that separated them.

His peppermint-ice breath swept over her like a nerve gas, numbing the fear and

the pain, and rekindling old, buried memories. She gasped as the familiar

sensation washed over her, laced with thoughts and feelings that she had denied

for so long.

"I know I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry. I just..."

She watched as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair, pulling on the ends

despairingly. His face was folded in anguish; his shoulders bent under an invisible

burden.

This wasn't the Edward she had known and loved. That Edward had been a

master at keeping everything under control and in check. An overwhelming sense

of pity and sorrow swept over her. He looked so young and vulnerable, like a little

boy lost.

"Shh. It's okay," she said softly, reaching her hand out to cradle the side of his

face. The feel of his wintry cold skin against her palm sparked an emotion in the

back of her mind; something familiar but just out of reach.

His eyes, impenetrable obsidian, glistened as he stared into her's, boring into her

soul.

He lowered his head, resting his forehead on hers, the coolness of his skin a balm

that calmed the maelstrom of thoughts inside her head.

"He really loves you, but not like I do. No one could ever love you as much as I

do. I can't hear your thoughts, but I can see in your eyes you feel the same

way," he said softly.

Tears began to prickle behind her eyes and she took a ragged breath as her heart

fluttered at his words. His voice, thick with grief, cutting to her core. She could

hear his pain, stretched taut over his bones like a second skin.

Ever so slowly he leaned in, placing a whisper of a kiss on her lips, sweet and

heart-breakingly familiar.

Edward kissed her again, harder, firmer. She couldn't bring herself to pull away

as his lips brushed over hers. This feeling of being close to him, tasting him,

touching him - it ached and burned and made her thirsty for more. Her body

remembered, and a surge of need ignited inside her, like a recovering addict who

just scored a fix.

She moaned as his kiss grew more intense and urgent. Hard as granite, his lips

moved against her's, his cold tongue slipping into her mouth as the throbbing

between her legs grew more insistent with every passing second.

She had forgotten how sweet his ice-breath tasted, how cool his skin was. Kissing

Peter was hot and soft and...

Peter.

Guilt began to claw its way to the surface and she pulled away, panting for breath

as the magnitude of what she was doing hit home.

"Edward, I..."

He pulled her to him again, sweeping his hands over her hips and over the swell

of her ass, pushing her against the evidence of his own desire. She gasped as he

began to grind against her, his hands pushing into her hair and his lips moved

needfully along her neck.

Her mind stumbled over half-formed thoughts as her body burst into flames of

desire. It remembered how well he knew her every need, how good he could

make her feel, and it wanted that again; here, now.

Every touch, every kiss, every murmur against her skin intensified the fire even

further, those once buried memories alive and vibrant again. She could feel her

own hands exploring his body, rejoicing as they rediscovered the plains of his

chest, the line of his jaw and the feel of his bronzed hair in her fingers.

Her mind, chaotic and messy, tried in vain to rein in her body's response. Shame

and guilt boiled and tumbled over lust and desire, while her vanity shouted from

the rooftops, elated he still found her attractive despite her age.

She found herself sucked back into the overwhelming magnetism of him, a

sudden wave of lust drowning her as he growled against her neck.

So Edward.

Edward

Edward

Peter

Peter

Her mind kept returning to Peter. Peter, who loved and cherished her, who had

helped her heal when she was broken and hurting. Peter, her human life. Peter,

her husband.

Her mind awoke with a start - what the hell was she doing?

She didn't have a chance to try and figure that out as his hunger and need

enveloped her, a flash-point of desire as he effortlessly picked her up and pushed

her up against the wall behind them. Her legs wrapped themselves around his

hips on their own accord.

Edward

His hands and mouth devoured her, leaving her breathless, thoughtless, lost in

reckless abandon. She could feel her desire reaching fever pitch, wet and

throbbing and insistent.

He snarled as he ripped open her blouse, his lips and hands seemingly

everywhere at once as he claimed every inch of her bare skin with his touch. He

pushed under her skirt, skimming the edges of her panties, then tearing them

from her, the shock of it making her cry out.

Peter always made love to her, slow and gentle.

Peter

Edward

She felt his hands gripping her hips, hard as stone, purpling her skin as they held

her tight against him.

Then he was pushing inside of her, hard and fast, sheathing himself in her slick

heat, urgent and demanding.

She could hear moaning but she wasn't sure if the sound was coming from him or

from herself.

Her body sung as he stretched and filled her, electrifying every nerve ending in

her body.

Familiar.

Forbidden.

He began to move in her, his eyes blazing with hunger as he thrust against her.

His movements were raw and needy...dangerous. Edward had always kept his

desire under control, always wary of the fine line between sex and death.

Tonight, she could feel him spinning out of control as his lust built, the shine in

his eyes murderous and black as night.

Bella found herself looking in the eyes of a predator.

She closed her eyes in fear, arching her back, feeling herself pinned against the

wall by his granite-like body. She gasped, desperate for breath as he fucked her

harder, faster. Her arousal kept her heart pounding as her body raced towards

climax, and oblivion.

She found leverage on his shoulders, digging her nails in as she felt her body coil

and tense, the pressure beginning to build and spread down her limbs. Then,

there was nothing but sweet release, every muscle contracting in rapture as her

orgasm overwhelmed her.

Edward's voice in her ear, chanting her name, pulled her from the haze of

pleasure. She could feel him shaking, close to his own end and on the verge of

snapping the last strand of control . He groaned against her neck, and pushed

into her hard and deep, shooting a cool stream of venomous cum inside her.

Sweat trickled down her back as she collapsed against him, seeking the cool relief

of his vampire skin. She wrapped her arms around his neck, shaking as the after-

effects of their frenzied ecstasy left her breathless, hot and sweaty. His

comforting, strong arms released her gently, allowing her to lower her legs to the

ground. She winced as she came back down to Earth, muscles strained and

protesting.

Edward's eyes opened wide with shock and shame as he noticed the flash of

discomfort on her face.

He stepped back from her hurriedly, his face aghast.

"Did I hurt you?" he demanded.

There was no doubt in Bella's mind she would have bruises in the morning, but

there was no pain; just a delicious ache between her legs where he had claimed

her, an erotic reminder of the mind-blowing orgasm he had commanded from her

in just a few short minutes.

"Maybe a little bruised. I'm OK. Really," she said softly, trying to appease the

look of pain on his face.

He pulled his hand through his hair, his demeanor once again tense and strained

as disgust and self-loathing radiated from him.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to come here...and...disturb you."

She watched as he began to pace the floor again. Her bliss slid away, replaced by

anxiety as she realized how tortured and broken he was.

"I know you wanted me to let you be. I should have respected that. I'm sorry,"

he said fervently. "Please forgive me."

And then he was gone.

She blinked, shocked and speechless as she stared at the place where he had

been standing a heartbeat earlier.

She looked frantically around the room, knowing it was futile.

He had left her.

Silence and the smell of sex lingered in the air.

"You fucking bastard!" she screamed, collapsing to the floor as old scars slashed

open and pieces of her heart tumbled to the floor.

XIII.

Bella is 17.

"I'm so glad you finally decided," Alice said excitedly. Edward watched her as she

bounced up and down. Her thoughts were scattered and chaotic, childlike in their

enthusiasm.

"I hadn't realized I decided something," Edward replied dryly.

"Bella and I are going to be best friends, I can just see it," Alice said as she

clapped her hands together.

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her. Despite her future-seeing

abilities, she was so naive sometimes.

"Even if I have decided something, which I haven't, by the way, you need to keep

your thoughts to yourself. This is too important to me. Bella is too important to

me. I can't have you and your visions influencing anything."

Edward almost felt guilty as Alice's excitement fizzled away, like he'd just stabbed

a hole in her happy-filled balloon. He hated asking this of her, but it was the only

way.

"Of course," she said quickly. "I promise I'll keep anything Bella-related to

myself. You won't have to worry." She smiled at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to be so blunt, but I don't think any good is going

to come from knowing. I want things to be as normal for her as I can manage,

and that means no visions."

"Right. No visions."

He knew how hard this was going to be for her; he may as well have been asking

her to shut down one of her senses. He knew she found it difficult to stop her

thoughts spilling out, the visions often coming without warning, debilitating her

as they took control of her mind. He was asking her to rein in a part of herself

that she had limited and erratic control over.

Edward's conscience chastised him for being so self-absorbed and selfish, but he

ignored the feelings of guilt that squirmed in the deepest corners of his mind.

Having a relationship with a human was going to be the most difficult thing he

had ever attempted in all his numerous years. He didn't need the added burden

of having access to flashes of future that may, or may not, come to fruition.

Edward didn't want to admit that he was also afraid of what he might see.

"We need to figure this out for ourselves, Alice. It's going to be hard, but we need

to find a way to make it work. On our own," Edward said, hoping his cajoling tone

would appease his sister and take the sting out of his request.

"I can still be her friend, though, right?" Alice asked quietly.

"Of course." Edward smiled as Alice's thoughts slowly returned to taking Bella on

shopping expeditions to high-end fashion boutiques. He was glad her dejection

was being replaced with her usual vivacity again.

"And no hair-cuts. I like it long," he said suddenly as Alice's thoughts turned to

make-overs, an image of Bella with shoulder length hair invading his mind.

Alice laughed. "Ok. But I get to take her shopping."

"Fine," he relented. Bella had seemed to appreciate Alice's help with the prom, so

perhaps she wouldn't mind being held hostage by Alice - the over-exuberant

fashion diva. She had said she needed some warmer clothes, after all.

"I'll be gentle, I promise!" Alice assured him, almost as if she was the one who

could read minds.

"I hate to ask this of you, Alice, but it has to be this way. I hope you can see

that," Edward said softly.

"Everything's going to be fine, Edward. I just know it."

A low, menacing growl rose up in Edward's throat. His hands clenched in fists,

every muscle in his body strained and tense as he fought the urge to rip Tyler

Crowley's head from his shoulders.

"Edward! Chill!" Jasper muttered under his breath as he shot a soothing wave of

peacefulness at him.

Edward breathed in the hit of calm and immediately felt his body uncoiling, his

hands unfurling and his shoulders dropping. Jasper pushed another wave of relief

at him and he sucked it back gratefully, feeling himself stepping back from the

edge.

"Whatever the fuck is bothering you, you need to get a grip. People are looking,"

Jasper said urgently.

Edward grimaced. Contrary to most people's opinions, being able to read minds

was not a blessing. More often than not, Edward simply felt like it was another

burden; another price to pay for being an abomination, a monster. Today was

certainly no exception. Right now, he would do anything to not know the sick

thoughts that were emanating from Tyler's hormone-fuelled mind.

He quickly glanced around the crowded lunchroom. Jasper was right. Around

them, tables of students feigned indifference while they glanced furtively at him,

wide-eyed and cautious. Their thoughts swirled around him, a rabid mixture of

curiosity and fear.

He relaxed his face, returning it to the polite mask that allowed him to go

undetected amongst the humans. Underneath the calm exterior, his anger

continued to simmer, pushing against the blanket of Jasper's calm.

Jasper searched his face anxiously. "Better," he said simply.

"This is harder than I thought, Jasper," Edward said as he shook his head. Tyler's

thoughts were still playing out his pathetic fantasies. He cringed as the images

warped and twisted, Tyler was now imagining Bella on her knees sucking him off.

"I have to get out of here," he said suddenly, his control close to snapping as his

anger surged again. He stalked out of the cafeteria, glaring at Tyler with a

homicidal glint in his eye.

Jasper chuckled to himself as he watched Edward's retreating back.

Dude, you've got it bad.

Edward sighed. Jasper was probably right.

Edward skimmed his hand over the creamy skin of Bella's thigh.

She was so soft, silky smooth and perfect in her fragility. The heat of her skin

blazed against the tips of his fingers and he marveled at the feel of her human-

ness against his vampire hands. It had been such a long time since he had

touched a girl like this he had almost forgotten how sublime it felt to touch the

delicate feminine curves of a woman's body.

He buried his face in her neck, breathing in deep and swallowing in the scent of

her. The smell of sweat and girl and sex filled his nostrils, so thick with emotion

he could almost feel it sliding down the back of his throat.

Bella wiggled under his embrace as his cool breath washed over her neck, her

skin pebbling into a thousand tiny goose-bumps that tickled his nose. He smiled

against her, leaving a trail of light-as-air kisses along her jaw, and let his hand

wander higher.

Bella gasped as his icy fingers moved to the apex of her thighs, brushing against

her sensitive lips.

He could hear her heartbeat begin to quicken as he rubbed his knuckles over her,

teasing her arousal even further. He closed his eyes, mesmerized by the sound of

her blood thundering in her veins. The steady beat, ventricles and valves

pumping and releasing in the most basic of involuntary human functions,

hypnotizing as it sung to him with its sweet, erotic call. He pressed his lips to the

throbbing artery in her neck, the blood pulsing against her parchment-thin skin.

Taunting him.

So close.

He could almost smell the sanguine elixir that flowed so tantalizingly close to the

surface.

So very close.

Just a nip, a bite, a suck, a swallow.

It would be so easy to just...

Bella moaned as his fingers dipped inside. She was hot and swollen, slick with

want and desire.

"Is this OK?" he whispered, his voice husky, thick with his own needs.

She nodded, her body arching towards his hand as he pushed his fingers deep

inside her. Her velvet walls, hot and tight, burning against his icy skin.

She whimpered little sounds of pleasure as he pushed into her rhythmically, the

movement of his fingers keeping time with the beat of her heart.

His own need began to overwhelm him as she began to buck against his hand,

her whimpers turning to moans and her grip on his forearm so tight it made her

knuckles turn white. His cock, rock-hard and suffocating in the confines of his

pants, pushed against the denim, aching and needy.

Her heartbeat was racing now, erratic and flighty as her body tensed in

anticipation of her orgasm.

Edward swallowed a mouthful of venom as images of his razor teeth slicing

through her sweet flesh flooded his mind. The thirst for her blood burned like fire

in his throat, the cravings crippling and overpowering.

He groaned as his mind played out scenarios of Bella lying beneath him, naked

and supplicating, arching her neck and offering herself to him. Image after image

of biting her as she came undone underneath him flashed relentlessly through his

mind.

He gripped her shoulder harder, fighting the urge to sink his teeth into her

narrow neck. His other hand seemed to move on its own accord, pressing inside

her wet heat, coaxing the ecstasy from within her.

Then, she was cumming on his hand, tight waves of pressure on his fingers and

cries of his name in his ear.

He flung his eyes open, escaping the torture that screened on the inside of his

eyelids and just concentrated on her pleasure. He drank in the sight of her

coming to pieces against him - the sheen of sweat against her collarbone, the

blush of pink across her cheeks. She was beautiful in her vulnerability as she

came down, panting and squirming against his hand as her body stopped

contracting.

She was intoxicating.

He smiled at her as she sighed contentedly.

"OK?" he asked, a smug smile on his face.

"More than OK," Bella laughed. "Definitely more than OK." She blew out a breath

and collapsed back on the bed.

Edward didn't miss the wince of discomfort as she raised her arms above her

head.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, concerned and afraid that in his own lust-filled haze

he'd caused her pain.

"Um. Maybe a little bit. Just my shoulder," Bella said reluctantly. "Nowhere else,"

she added hurriedly, blushing and embarrassed. Edward leaned over and kissed

the fingertip shaped bruises on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to," he said as his lips pressed lightly against her

skin. "This is going to take some practice. The touching you, I mean...how soft I

need to be. It's been so long, I forgot how easy it is to..." Edward couldn't bring

himself to say the words.

"I"m so sorry, Bella."

Edward searched Bella's eyes, hoping he wouldn't see revulsion or fear. He was

ashamed and disgusted with himself for losing control, for gripping her too tight,

for thinking about killing her. He wouldn't blame her if this was enough to change

her mind. He had warned her, when they had talked in the woods, that he was

dangerous, that he was a monster. Now she knew how easily he could hurt her,

without even meaning to, would she still want to take the risk on him?

But there was nothing in her eyes but acceptance and a post-coital glow.

"Edward, it's fine. Honestly."

She leaned over and kissed him. Her lips, plump and soft, pressed against his, all

sweet and sex and gratitude.

"We can practice all you want," she said with a smile.

XIV.

Bella is 42.

Bella collapsed onto the sofa, every bone in her body aching, her limbs heavy and

weary. The demands of her new role were more tiring than she could ever have

anticipated. The constant activity left her muscles strained and her feet

throbbing, and the unrelenting responsibility and worry weighed heavily on her

shoulders. Still, as weak and worn out as she was, she wouldn't have it any other

way.

Motherhood was easily the most exhausting, and the most rewarding, job she

had ever done.

Bella closed her eyes, shutting out the sight of the scattered couch cushions, the

pile of books pulled out of the bookcase, the cracker crumb trail leading to the

kitchen where the day's dishes still sat. She hadn't had a moment's rest all day,

and still the house looked like it had been hit by a tornado.

Tornado Mary: small but ferocious.

Today, Tornado Mary had been particularly trying, testing every inch of Bella's

patience. While Bella was busy in the living room on an important phone call,

Mary discovered that she could drag a chair to the pantry. Suddenly a whole new

world of exciting and forbidden play materials were within her reach. By the time

she had finished her phone call, the kitchen had been covered in white powder

where Mary had emptied the flour box so she could 'make letters' in it. While

Bella had cleaned everything up, Mary had escaped out the back door and

proceeded to dig in the pots that she had planted with spring bulbs the previous

weekend. As she had cleaned up yet another child-created mess, Bella resolved

to talk to Peter about putting in a sandpit for her muck-loving daughter.

Bella gasped as she felt herself being shaken.

"Isabella, honey. It's time for dinner." Peter's voice sounded strange, almost like

an echo.

Startled, she opened her eyes, rubbing them in disbelief as she pulled herself out

of her dream state. Had she really been dozing in the living room?

Peter smiled at her kindly. "It's late, but I thought you should eat before you

head to bed."

Bella sat up, stretching her arms above her head. She never slept during the day.

It was a disconcerting feeling to know she had slept right through Peter's return

from work.

She looked around the room in surprise. There was not a single trace left of the

day's debris. Peter had tidied and cleaned, sorted and stacked; the room looked

tidy and organized for the first time in what felt like weeks.

"Oh my God! How long have I been sleeping?"

"You've been snoring a good couple of hours," he laughed. "I tidied up, watched

some TV, made some calls. I left you there, you looked so peaceful."

"Really?" she said incredulously. "What about..?" Bella stood up quickly, panic

racing through her body as she realized just how long she had been oblivious to

the world.

"I just checked on Mary. She's sound asleep."

"Thank you." Bella wrapped her arms around Peter's neck. "I don't know what

I've done to deserve you," she said gratefully. She kissed him softly, letting her

embrace convey her thanks and appreciation.

"You cooked?" Bella said incredulously as the smell of freshly cooked eggs wafted

in the air.

"I did! I made scrambled eggs...and...there are no black bits this time!" Peter

said excitedly. Bella laughed and walked to the dining table where Peter had left

her dinner.

"I can order in a pizza if it's really bad." Peter laughed as he watched Bella

cautiously fill her fork. She took a deep, exaggerated breath, and closed her eyes

as she bought the fork to her mouth.

"Mmmm!" Bella mumbled as she ate. "This is really good, Peter. Really, really

good."

Peter smiled smugly at her as she ate the rest of the food on her plate

enthusiastically. He was definitely improving in the cooking department, she

could hardly believe this tasty meal had been prepared by her husband - the man

who could barely toast a slice of bread without setting off the smoke detectors.

Later, after they had eaten their no-black-bits eggs and talked about their plans

to take Mary to the Zoo on the weekend, Peter headed off to bed. He had an

early meeting in the morning, and Bella knew he wasn't at his best without a

solid eight hours.

Refreshed and wide awake after her nap on the couch, Bella watched some

mindless late-night TV and finished the sweater she was knitting for Mary. Esme

had shown her years ago how to knit, but she had never really been interested

enough to graduate from plain garter-stitch scarves. Pregnancy-induced insomnia

had sparked her interest in knitting again, and she had filled in many lonely hours

in the middle of the night making tiny bootees and hats for the baby that grew

inside her.

There was something soothing about the rhythm of the needles as they clicked

together, and Bella found that a few rows of knitting each night helped her de-

stress and unwind. A moment to zone out and forget about bills and errands was

the perfect way to end a busy day, and Bella found her craft was more effective

at helping her sleep than any pill had ever been.

Some days, motherhood felt like an endless grind of the same chores and

mundane tasks, the progress and achievements impossible to measure. Days

when, despite her best efforts to keep the house in order and her child fed, happy

and stimulated, nothing seemed to go right, wore away at her self-esteem,

making her second guess her decision to stay at home instead of returning to

work. Those were the days, when she felt nothing but regret or failure, that she

most appreciated the tangible rewards of her craft. Holding something in her

hands - finished and complete - was a gratifying boost to her confidence, and she

cherished the little moments of achievement they offered.

Bella sighed as she realized how late it was and packed away her yarn, stowing

her knitting bag on the top shelf of the bookcase, safely out of reach from

inquisitive toddler hands.

She slipped through the house, locking doors and switching off lights, leaving a

trail of darkness behind her as she made her way to the bathroom.

The reflection that stared back at her from the mirror was no longer young and

fresh-faced. Not so long ago, the wrinkles framing her eyes and the softening of

the skin around her jaw would have horrified her, prompting her to buy whatever

the latest anti-ageing 'miracle' was. Once, the physical signs of aging on her face

would have twisted like a knife in her heart.

As Bella appraised her reflection, she thought about how motherhood had

changed her. The wrinkles and lines were no longer a source of horror, no longer

something to try and hide. In every one of the lines there was a story, a moment,

a truth. Her life lay on her face for the world to see - laughter and happiness

etched in her skin. There was nothing to fear from aging anymore.

She rubbed the night cream on her face quickly, her previously extensive beauty

routines now reduced to a cream or lotion here and there; stolen moments rather

than a daily routine.

She switched off the light, tiptoeing across the hall to gently ease open the door

to Mary's room.

The sound of Mary's snuffles and slumbered breathing filled the air as Bella crept

across the room to peer over the side of the crib. A soft smile broke across her

face as she gazed at her daughter. So small and so perfect.

The wonder and awe was just as overwhelming now, two years after her birth, as

it had been the day she entered the world. Bella had never really understood how

miraculous pregnancy and childbirth were, until she had experienced it for

herself. Her dreams of what it would be like to hold her own child in her arms had

paled in comparison to the real thing. The yearning to have a baby had been such

an integral part of her being for so long, sometimes it was hard to believe that

Mary was actually here - her daughter.

Bella sighed contentedly as she tucked a stray curl behind Mary's ear. There was

no mistaking that Mary was Peter's daughter - they shared the same thick, black

hair and the same crystal clear blue eyes; the similarities so striking that

strangers felt compelled to comment on their likeness. Peter called Mary his "little

mini-me" and doted on her affectionately, proudly boasting of her every

achievement and covering his office walls in her paintings and scribble drawings.

Bella, too, loved their little girl with every fibre of her being. Peter had taken her

- broken and hurting - and fixed her, gluing the pieces of her heart back together

with his love, but it was Mary who had smoothed over the cracks and fissures. As

exhausting as she was, this tiny little person had healed her in a way she hadn't

thought was possible.

For the first time in a long time, Bella felt whole again.

She leaned over carefully, placing a whisper light kiss on her daughter's cheek.

"Sweet dreams, darling."

Above the crib, a mobile made of scavenged sea-glass caught a beam of light

from the hallway, refracting it across the room. Tiny sparkles of light scattered

across the room like stars; a private constellation glimmering with dreams of the

future.

XV.

Bella is 39. (Six months after the events in Ch 13)

Bella could feel her palms becoming slick with fear as she made her way to her

car. The sound of her heels, clacking against the concrete, echoed across the

near-empty garage. She kept her eyes straight ahead and trained on her goal,

trying to ignore the shadows that seemed to swirl and morph on the edges of her

periphery. Her stomach began to flutter as with every shaking step her

imagination spun more and more out of control, her mind running rampant with

thoughts of unspeakable horrors that lurked in wait for her.

Despite her fears, or perhaps because of them, she glanced over her shoulder,

gasping as she realized there was, in fact, someone walking behind her. A figure,

tall and masculine, walking purposefully in her direction, closing the distance

between them with every step. As he got closer, she could hear the clipped echo

of his shoes, the sound reverberating in her mind like a bell tolling of danger.

She glanced back at her car, picking up her pace and trying to gauge how far she

was from safety. A few short yards was all she had to cover, and she debated

whether to make a run for it, wondering if her heels would be up for the task.

"Bella! Wait!"

The familiar voice stopped her in her tracks, and her stomach dropped as she

turned slowly towards the sound.

"Edward?" She turned, squinting as the shadowy figure approached her, trying to

see through the murky light, and hoping desperately that her ears had deceived

her.

But they hadn't. It was Edward. Edward in all his heart-stopping glory; all love

and loss, pain and desire wrapped up in one impossibly perfect package.

"What the...? What are you doing here?" Bella demanded, her heart beating

against her chest, her body tense and ready for flight.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Well, creeping up on someone in a deserted garage at night, Edward...Jesus!

You really scared me!" Bella said angrily. She could feel the adrenalin still surging

through her veins, but its energy was regrouping, fear and anxiety sliding away

to be replaced by indignation and anger.

"I'm sorry," he said softly as he approached her cautiously. He was every bit as

devastatingly handsome as her memories had preserved him. Just the sight of

him made every nerve ending in her body stand to attention, her mind instantly

flicking through memories of moments they had shared together.

"What do you want?" Bella closed her eyes, trying to stop her mind from

replaying every sensuous detail of her last encounter with Edward. What the hell

was he doing here? Did he not torture her enough the last time he turned up

unannounced? Her stomach turned as she thought about everything that had

transpired between them, the guilt scratching its way to the surface again.

"I came to apologize. For the way I behaved. For everything we...everything I

did. It was despicable, and I'm sorry. I was out of control, Bella."

Bella sighed. She had worked later than usual, rushing to get an urgent report

emailed out on a deadline, and was tired after her long day. She really didn't

have the energy for this...thing...right now.

She'd spent the last six months trying to reconcile Bella the loving wife with Bella

the woman who cheats on her new husband with her ex-lover. She'd thrown

everything she had into her marriage, hoping every act of love would atone for

her indiscretion. Edward belonged in her past, but as long as he kept making

these random appearances in her present, she didn't know how she was meant to

make her future work.

Whatever he wanted, she didn't have the time or the energy for it right now.

"I was wondering if you would go with me somewhere and talk...for old time's

sake."

And there it was, that soft and spine-melting tone, that "I love you so much, I

know you can't resist" pull on her heart. In spite of her anger and her resolve to

resist, she found herself acquiescing.

"There's a nice bar across the street."

As they walked together in silence, Bella began to build a wall of steel around her

heart, an impenetrable defense against Edward's charm. He could talk all he

wanted, but there was no way she was going to let him crack open her heart

again. This time, she was prepared. This time, she would resist.

With a detached gaze, she examined his appearance, a wave of relief passing

over her as she noticed his eyes were golden, calm and collected, like the Edward

she had once shared her life with. This time, there was nothing sinister bubbling

under the surface, nothing to fear. She felt some of her anxiety melt away as she

took in his relaxed demeanor, his soft smile as he noticed her watching him.

When they reached the bar, Bella moved quickly to open the door first, not

wanting to remember how Edward's familiar displays of chivalry made her feel.

They weren't on a date and she needed to show him things were different now.

"Glass of chardonnay?" he asked, after they sat at an empty booth at the back of

the room.

"Lime and soda, please," she said quickly.

Surprise flashed across his face, before he nodded and went to the bar to order

her drink.

She watched him interact with the bar staff, his natural grace and handsome

features all too much for the poor woman who served him. She was blushing and

awkward as Bella watched her prepare her drink. Bella smiled to herself, feeling

nothing but sympathy. She remembered what it was like to be dazzled.

As she waited for Edward, she wondered anxiously what on earth she was going

to say to him when he got back with her drink. Should she do the polite thing and

ask after Esme and Carlisle? It felt strange to think about the family that had

once been her family. How would it feel to hear him talk about them, as if nothing

had changed? Would he tell her that they missed her? Would old and forgotten

regrets be dragged to the surface again?

Edward carefully placed her glass in front of her, interrupting her musings.

"Thank you," she said, grateful for the distraction. The soda was ice-cold, tingling

as it made its way down her throat. Unbidden, her thoughts returned to Edward,

the feel of his cool skin under her hands and the taste of him in her mouth. Her

face flushed at the erotic turn her thoughts had taken. She had never been so

thankful as she was in that moment, that Edward was unable to read her mind.

Last time, it had been her body that had betrayed her, pulled into the vortex of

desire and longing without a chance of escape or resistance. Now, it seemed her

mind was letting her down, determined to remind her of everything she had lost.

"You seem happy. He's been good for you." Edward's statement broke her from

her internal struggles. She winced as she saw the flash of pain pass over

Edward's face as he spoke. She quickly stared down into her glass, chasing the

pieces of ice around the sides with her straw.

He had said something similar to her, last time. A sense of deja-vu laced with

dread swept over her and she grimaced, finding new resolve amidst the uneasy

feeling that was swirling in her gut. It had almost broken her, having him one last

time, only for him to leave her; alone, grieving and guilt-ridden.

She was stronger now. He wouldn't have that power this time.

"Edward, have you been watching me?" she asked bluntly.

His silence was answer enough.

"For fuck's sake, Edward." She pulled her hand through her hair impatiently. "You

have to let go! Of me, of us. This can't be good for you."

"I miss you, Bella," he said softly, as if that was explanation enough.

Her heart sank as she seriously doubted whether she was going to be strong

enough to resist him. Another heartfelt declaration might be all it took to pierce

the cloudburst of emotions that loomed ominously above her.

"I miss you, too, Edward, but we both know it couldn't have worked. I'm making

a new life for myself now. Remember the human, real life you wanted me to

have? Well, this is me - living it." Bella spat the words at him, hiding her

vulnerability behind the accusations she didn't verbalize.

"I just wanted to make sure you were happy." He looked wounded by her

outburst, hurt and shame clouding over his perfect face.

"Well, I am. You can stop watching me now. I know you, and I know your

voyeuristic tendencies are probably in overdrive right now, watching me live a life

without you. Do you get off on seeing me with another man, is that it? Seriously,

Edward. This has to stop!" she said angrily, knowing she was being cruel, but

finding it easier to channel the storm of emotions that tumbled inside of her into

anger rather than pity.

"It's not like that!" Edward said defensively.

"Well, what is it like, then?

"I still love you, Bella." He laid his hand on hers. The feel of his cold skin sent a

shock of pain and regret through her body, memories of happier times flashing

through her mind, tinged with loss and longing.

Bella pulled her hand from his abruptly, severing the connection that threatened

to open the floodgates of her carefully constructed emotional barricade.

"What did you think you would achieve in coming here? Did you think last time

was going to be the start of something more? That we could just pick up where

we left off last time? You know, when you fucked me and then fucked off?" she

seethed.

Bella could feel the anger rising in her as she remembered how he had hurt her,

how crushed she had felt when she realized how she had betrayed Peter, their

secret liaison forever a tattoo of shame on her conscience. She welcomed the boil

of emotion, red hot and vividly raw on her soul, wanting it to burn away every

last trace of confusion and regret.

"I'm sorry. I know it was wrong. I just..."

Bella's anger spilled over and she interrupted him, knowing her voice was too

loud but not even caring if there were people looking at them.

"Edward, last time was a mistake. I was stupid and weak. That can never, ever

happen again. I'm married, and I love Peter. I can't, and won't, be that woman

again."

I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.

She clenched her eyes shut, concentrating on the mantra inside her head.

"You have to let me go now," she pleaded, her voice a hoarse whisper.

She grabbed her bag and slid out of the booth.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said, eyes downcast, not trusting herself to look at him.

She walked out of the bar, every step heavy with grief. She had only spent ten

minutes with him, and yet it felt like she was breaking up with him all over again.

Whoever had told her that the hurt would lessen over time had been a liar.

She sighed. Tonight had been a painful and torturous test of her resolve, but she

knew it had to be this way now.

Everything was different now.

Her hands moved to her stomach, caressing the invisible swell where, over the

coming months, a new life would blossom inside her.

XVI.

Bella is 17.

Bella groaned in her sleep, limbs fluttering under the purple bedspread that

covered her body from his hungry eyes.

He knew he shouldn't be here; that what he was doing was wrong. He was spying

on her when she was at her most vulnerable. The thought that he was breaking

her trust did not sit well with him, but the sight of her lying there before him,

exposed and defenseless, was intoxicating.

He closed his eyes, breathing in the quiet. Even in sleep, the human mind was

active, spewing out thoughts into the ether. Only her dreams remained hidden

from him. While every other slumbering body in the neighborhood pushed out

their thoughts to batter unrelentingly against his consciousness, she was an oasis

of calm and relief.

This wasn't the first time he had scaled the side of her house so he could climb in

her window and watch her sleep. The thought that it also wouldn't be the last

time filled him with an unsettling mix of both guilt and anticipation.

Night after night he had come; sneakily, stealthily, shamefully. Night after night

he had vowed that it would be the last time, that he would leave her to sleep in

private.

But night after night he couldn't stop himself from returning.

Watching her was like a drug to him. He simply couldn't get enough. She was

breathtaking in her beauty; her long mahogany hair sweeping across the pillow,

her alabaster skin smooth and flawless like satin, her thick lashes hiding her

sparkling eyes -the eyes that saw past everything he hated about himself. In her

sleep she was unguarded, the vulnerability that had captured his heart was

magnified ten-fold as she lay unconscious and oblivious to his presence. An

overwhelming need to protect her bound him to her side; the urge to watch over

and keep her from harm like nothing he had ever felt before.

Edward knew that, deep inside of him, something carnal was stirring. Long

forgotten urges, crackling with lust and desire, were pushing their way to the

surface, his mind beginning to entertain fantasies of the things he wanted to do

to her body, how he would make her scream his name and make her tremble and

come to pieces underneath him. She was awakening a part of him he thought

long dead.

The need to watch her ran deeper than just a physical attraction. As much as he

knew there was an erotic edge to his voyeurism, he couldn't bear to consider

going back to spending his nights alone.

Being with her, watching her, was a panacea from the torture of living a life

where the days had no end and no beginning. Edward had always considered

night time to be a curse, a cruel twist of fate that there was no sleep to numb the

passing of eternity. Spending the night hours halfheartedly engaged in

meaningless activities had been a source of frustrated boredom for so long, it still

came as a shock when he found himself looking forward to the dark arriving.

Now the night had purpose. Now he had Bella.

During those moonlit hours he had memorized the cycles of her sleep, learned

the different ways she breathed, watched the flickering of her eyelids, wondered

what stuff her dreams were made of. Entranced and captivated by her every

sound and movement, the nights were no longer something to dread.

Before her, there had been only apathy and boredom. She had helped him

remember how to live.

How to love.

Bella twisted in her bed, hand flailing in the air like she was reaching, grasping

for something.

"Edward..."

Edward's eyes shot open. Had she really just moaned his name? He pulled his

fingers through his hair distractedly. Maybe he had imagined it. He inched closer,

unable to stop himself from crossing the distance between them, wishing he could

give in to the overwhelming urge to touch her.

He wanted to groan as the sound of his name on her lips hit him again. A rush of

emotions too vibrant to name swept over him and he let them crash over him. If

his dead, frozen heart could beat again, this is what it would feel like.

He sighed.

She was dreaming of him.

Just then the first ray of light began to dance across her room and he could hear

Bella's father awakening, the sound of his feet creaking on the floorboards and

his gruff, uncomplicated thoughts drifting in the air.

Edward had come to despise the dawn. The sun had always been his enemy but

now he had new cause to hate it. Every morning, without fail, it rose on the

horizon, a silent reminder that his time with her was up, its very presence a

taunting call to him that he had to leave her. With every passing night he spent

with her, it became harder and harder to detach himself, to pull himself away, to

leave.

Today he wanted to stay more than he ever had before. His mind told him to

linger, in case she murmured his name again, but his body was already moving

towards the window. The rational part of his brain told him it would only be a few

short hours till he would see her again at school, but even a second away from

her was too long.

He sighed, heavy with resignation, and began to pull the window up. He glanced

back at her bed, wanting just one more glimpse, one more fix of her.

Instead of her sleeping form he was met with the sight of her wide eyes on him,

pleading and wanting.

"Don't go," she whispered.

Bella could feel the skin on the back of neck prickling as if his gaze was a pull on

the very fabric of her being, the surface of herself drawn towards him like the

way iron filings can't help but move towards a magnet.

She grinned to herself before slowly tilting her head over her shoulder to shoot

him a shy smile.

He smirked at her in response as he tossed an apple from one hand to the other.

She knew he wasn't going to eat it, knew the human mannerism was due to a

conscious effort on his behalf, all part of his consistently maintained facade. His

eyes never left hers as the apple flew in a perfect arc between his hands.

She also knew he would spend the entire lunch period watching her.

Bella turned her back on Edward and faced Angela again. She nodded

absentmindedly as Angela chattered excitedly about her latest plans for the

school newspaper feature. She barely heard her voice, her thoughts completely

consumed by the boy who sat at the table behind her.

Sometimes she still found it totally unbelievable that the most gorgeous boy in

school wanted her. He was gorgeous, charming, intelligent and she still found

herself overwhelmed and dazzled by the perfectness of his being. He was

everything...and in comparison she was nothing. Even in her wildest dreams, she

had never expected that she would find someone like him in a town like Forks.

Something like him. She shook her head; as inconceivable as it was, Edward was

a vampire. Goodness knows what else was possible in this warped version of

reality she found herself free-falling into. She wondered if this was what Alice felt

like as she tumbled down the rabbit hole.

She sighed, looking down at the notepad in front of her. Somewhere in her

musings, her scribbles had morphed, nonsensical shapes and lines flowing into

discernible letters. She gasped as she realized she had scrawled out his name.

Blushing, she quickly flipped the page over, but not before Angela had managed

to see her infatuated doodling.

"He's looking at you, you know." Angela said, glancing up at Edward over Bella's

shoulder.

"Yeah, I know. Would it sound weird if I told you I can feel it?"

Bella wondered what Edward would think of her declaration as he heard it

echoing in Angela's mind.

"No, not weird. I think it's kind of sweet, actually."

"Me, too." Bella smiled. That she could feel the burn of his gaze, that the

presence of him affected her on the most basic of physical levels, just reinforced

for her that there was something deeper, an unmistakable, irrevocable

connection between the two of them. She tried to convince herself that Angela

was right - it was sweet and pure.

She swallowed thickly. The fact that Edward watched her with ravenous eyes, like

he wanted to devour her, wasn't 'sweet' - it was sexy as hell and Bella loved the

way it made her feel, even if she couldn't admit that to her friend.

She tilted her head again, stealing another glimpse of him. He was talking with

Alice, smiling indulgently as she bounced in her seat, her hands gesturing wildly.

She gazed at his chiseled jawline, the sharp lines of his profile, the softening of

his features as he smiled at his sister.

God, he was so gorgeous, it made her heart ache.

He turned, his gaze on her again, as if he could tell she had been looking at him.

His eyes looked almost a normal color at this distance, but they glowed with a

ferocity she knew was reserved for her, and her alone. The crowded cafeteria

around her melted away, the only sound she could hear was her heartbeat

thundering in her ears. Her eyes transfixed on him, caught in the intensity of his

gaze, helpless to do anything but stare back at him.

She licked her lips involuntarily, her mouth suddenly dry. Edward narrowed his

eyes at her, standing suddenly, his chair sliding back against the polished floor.

As if in slow motion, she watched as he stalked towards her. With every

deliberate step she could feel her heart beating faster, a ball of anticipation

churning deep insider her as he approached.

Then, too quickly, he was right there, leaning over her, grinning against her ear.

"Let's go," he whispered.

XVII.

Bella is 45.

From: Isabella Swan-Browne

To: Alice Cullen

Subject: THANK YOU!

2Attachments: 1stdayofschool . jpg ; Mary1 . jpg

Alice! Thank you, thank you, thank you for the gorgeous gifts you sent Mary for

her birthday. Wow, you certainly spoiled her. She absolutely loves the clothes

and has been wearing the pink dress every day. I have to sneakily wash it at

night while she sleeps - heaven forbid she has to wear her other (not designer!)

clothes. Apparently my little girl takes after her namesake and has quite the eye

for fashion. Her father and I despair about what this will mean for her teenage

years! She even gives me advice on what shoes to put with an outfit - you would

be very proud.

And the bracelet. God, Alice! I don't even want to guess how much it cost. It's

stunning. Thank you. Mary is a lucky little girl.

I attached some photos. I thought, maybe, if you can see that it would be OK,

you could show Esme. I don't want to upset anyone. There is one of Mary's first

day of school and one taken on the day of her birthday. It's a nice one - shows

off her blue eyes (and her lovely new pink dress!).

It is amazing to watch her grow up, it seems to be happening so fast. Sometimes

it feels like it was just yesterday that she was a tiny baby. I'd heard mothers say

how time speeds up once you have children, and I certainly know what they

mean now. I wish I could slow everything down, so I could savor each delightful

moment with her. She's so vibrant and outgoing, she charms everyone she

meets. She's alot like her father in that regard.

As much as I wish things could have been different, I want you to know that I am

happy. Mary means the world to me, and having her in my life has eased the

pain. And Peter - you would have liked him, Alice. He's warm and caring and

patient and the best father I could ever have wanted for my child. It makes me

sad to think the two of you will never meet. I think he would have liked you, too.

I know it is wrong, on so many levels, to ask you this...but...how is Edward? I

know I don't have the right anymore, to ask or to expect an answer, but I do

worry for him. The last time he came to see me my behavior was appalling. I was

scared and hurting and took it out on him. He didn't deserve my anger, and I can

only hope he has forgiven me and found a way to move on. I still hope that he

can one day find the kind of happiness he deserves, with someone who can be

everything he needs.

A day doesn't go by that I don't think about him, but as the years slip by it gets

easier to live without him.

Having a child has really reinforced for me just how fragile this life I live truly is.

Once, it would have made me incredibly bitter to think about the years I have

ahead, but I've come to accept it now. It still hurts, but time will race by, and I

have resigned myself to a future that includes old age.

I know that Edward asked you not to look and I fully understand why. I don't

want to put you in an awkward situation between the two of us or compromise

your relationship with him, but I have a favor to ask you. Please watch over Mary

for me. I won't be here forever and there is a whole part of her life I will never

see. Please keep her safe. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to

her that could have been prevented. I love her too much. Please Alice. I know

this is an awfully morbid thing to be writing in an email, but it has been preying

on my mind since she was born. I could rest easy knowing you were going to be

there for her.

I miss you, Alice. I wish things weren't what they are and that you could have

shared in this joy with me.

I love you,

Bella xx

Bella hit 'send' and shut her laptop quietly.

Alice had been her best friend and the loss of their close relationship had been

just another cross to bear. She had walked out on Edward, and in doing so had

lost a sister, too. It felt strange to be celebrating milestones without Alice there

to coordinate the perfect party. Happy moments she hadn't been able to share

with her. Pain and hurt that she had to bear alone, without Alice's shoulder to cry

on.

They used to talk every day. Now, their contact was reduced to sporadic emails.

The new version of their friendship was a weak and dull imitation of what it had

once been. The expensive gifts that never failed to arrive for Mary's birthdays

were a bittersweet reminder of the loving 'aunt' Mary would never know.

Bella sighed. She knew she was being selfish to ask Alice to go against Edward's

wishes, but she knew that Alice was probably finding a way to keep tabs on her

without Edward knowing. She smiled to herself. Yes, she was quite sure Alice had

ways and means of keeping her thoughts private.

She quickly shed her clothes and slipped into bed, finding comfort in the warmth

of Peter's body lying next to her. He groaned in his sleep, turning automatically

towards her as she snuggled into his side. His arm wrapped over her, pulling her

closer, and she took a deep breath of him, safe and sheltered in his embrace.

She closed her eyes, willing sleep to come to her easily. It would do no good to

wallow in self-pity, or dwell on the losses of the past. Ahead of her was the

future. A future with an adoring husband and a daughter she loved more than life

itself.

Bella smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

XVIII.

Bella is 59.

Empty.

Bella finally settled on a word that seemed to sum her life up: empty. Not an

aching or painful emptiness. Just a kind of listless quiet.

She pulled the blanket up around her shoulders, and eased herself deeper into

the armchair she had dragged out on the balcony. The sky was darkening with

every passing minute, and she smiled as she heard the sound of the night

awakening in the trees around her home.

Maybe she would stay out here and sleep under the stars, she thought to herself.

Her aging body would probably not be pleased with that decision come morning,

but there was no real reason why she couldn't.

After all, there was no sleeping child to check on. No need to have her 'mother's

hearing' on all night in case she was needed. Mary had left home the previous

year, and her absence had ultimately lead to the departure of her father, too.

There was no husband to call her inside either.

Bella had always been terrified by the thought of living alone. There had only

been one brief moment in her life when she had been truly alone. It had been

such a dark and bleak existence that, for the longest time, it had tainted her view

on the difference between being lonely and being alone.

Now, she was alone for the foreseeable future. This time, it came with a subtle,

calm resignation instead of drowning panic. There was an odd comfort in being

able to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

Even just the simple act of eating dinner - it no longer needed to be an

orchestrated event that intersected three busy schedules and took into account

the likes, dislikes and dietary requirements of three different people. When you

were making dinner for one, you could make anything you wanted. Or not even

bother making dinner at all.

Of course, Bella knew there were also times when she was lonely. When Mary

had left home, Bella had ached for the loss of her constant companionship, for

the cherished mother and daughter moments, the frank conversations, even the

teenage mood swings. She had missed her girl with every bone in her body. But

even that pain had eventually faded to a muted acceptance. Life moved on;

children grew up.

Life was what it was.

And now, life was learning how to be on her own. Life was filling a house with the

activity of one. Life was coming home to silence.

Bella found herself unable to feel bitter about the turn her life had taken. There

were a million different twists and turns her life could have gone down, but

perhaps this is where fate would always have found her at that very moment;

alone on her balcony, breathing in the cold night air.

Peter would definitely have urged her to come inside by now. She smiled to

herself. She could almost hear his deep voice telling her she would catch a cold,

taste his kiss as he tried to convince her with his touch instead of reason and

logic.

He had left her not long after Mary had gone to college. They both knew it was

coming, that it was inevitable that one of them would end up turning their back

on twenty years of togetherness. Twenty years of love and comfort, warmth and

patience. As much as they both denied it, parenthood had been the ultimate

thread that had bound them together, knitting them to each other, each stitch

knotted with responsibility and pride. Mary had blossomed into a sparkling,

confident young woman, and Bella and Peter had found their dreams fulfilled. She

was everything they had hoped she would be - vibrant, outgoing, empathetic -

they had done their job well.

When Mary left home, it had only been a matter of time before their marriage

disintegrated. Bella had wrapped herself in apathy; not wanting to be the one to

leave, again. Eventually, Peter had left and Bella hadn't stopped him.

Bella sighed. As sad as it was, she also realized how lucky she was that her and

Peter's split had been relatively amicable and drama-free. They still talked every

other day. They were still best friends. They just no longer shared each other's

lives.

Their love had burned bright in the beginning, glowing hot with love and comfort.

Peter had shown up in her life like a fiery brazier, a welcoming light to lead her

from the darkness of despair. His love for her was fierce, and he had breathed life

into her frozen heart again. She had loved him deeply, too. But, ever so slowly

and softly, the fire had burned itself out, till there was nothing left but glowing

embers. Eventually, even those were gone.

Love was what it was.

The night finally dropped its black curtain into place, and Bella shivered as goose-

bumps broke out over her skin.

The prickly sensation always made her think of Edward.

Edward hadn't been a safe, warm fire. Edward had been a comet, blazing across

her universe, scorching everything in his wake. Theirs had been a once-in-a-

lifetime love that had seared itself onto her soul forever, his loss a burn on her

heart that had never healed.

She hadn't seen him in ten long years, and still the thought of him made the dull

ache flare again.

Thoughts of him were still as painful as ever, but now they were no longer

shrouded in guilt and betrayal. She was free to think of whomever she wanted,

whenever she wanted. For so long, she had denied herself the right to think of

her past, to savor memories of happier times, that there was almost a sense of

relief whenever she allowed herself a glimpse back into the past.

The slip of the girl she saw in her memories, all wide-eyed innocence and

touching naivety, was so far removed from who she was now, it was almost like it

was a different person. There had been times in her life she had wanted,

desperately, to be that girl again. To believe in a one true love that could

overcome any obstacle, to believe in happily-ever-afters, to love with reckless

abandon.

But with age comes wisdom, and Bella knew that there was no point in raging

against time or holding onto regrets. It was with a detached kind of wistfulness

that she flicked through her mental catalogue of past moments now. She couldn't

go back in time, she couldn't erase what had been said and done, and even if by

some miracle she could have...what then? Could a love that magnificent, that all

encompassing, ever really be ignored or denied? Could she have stopped herself

falling in love? Could she have found the strength to walk away when he refused

to change her?

Deep down, Bella knew the answer to all those questions was no. There was

nothing to be gained from wishing she could do it all over again.

Bella sighed. Life was what it was, and tonight that would be sleeping out under

the stars.

XIX.

Bella is 85. (Mary is 45. Eva is 10.)

Bella smiled as she watched her grand-daughter playing the piano. Eva reminded

her so much of Mary at the same age, it was almost like looking back through

time at her own child. The black mop of curls, the deep blue eyes, the heart-

wrenchingly sweet innocence; the similarities were quite remarkable.

Days passed so slowly now; a monotonous and unremarkable blur of time that

she spent alone with her own thoughts. Her fingers were too bent and sore to

knit anymore, and her eyes too weak to read. The days were long and quiet. Only

the weekends held any appeal; when Mary and Daniel would bring Eva to visit.

Being a beloved Gran was almost as rewarding as being a mother, and Bella

loved the special moments that she and Eva spent together. Those too-short

hours every weekend were the highlight of her weeks now, and she looked

forward to their visits with an almost child-like enthusiasm.

When she was surrounded by her family, Bella didn't feel alone or lonely. She just

felt loved, and happy. Every smile, every conversation, every piano recital was

cherished. These were the moments that made it all worthwhile.

She closed her eyes as the delicate music danced through the air. It wrapped her

in a warm embrace and softly caressed her cheek. Each tender note carried a

whisper of times gone by. Each graceful chord a long forgotten memory.

She was no longer cozied up in an armchair, in the dayroom of the retirement

complex she had called home for the past year. She was standing on a balcony in

Paris, cool arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace. She was no longer

wrinkled and aged, she was young and beautiful; in love.

"Once more, sweetheart?" Bella called out across the room as her memories

evaporated with the fading of the music. The melody was laced with a yearning

that echoed the song of her own heart. She couldn't bear to only hear it once.

Mary smiled indulgently at her mother, and then nodded to her daughter. "One

more time, honey? Then you can go to the mall with Daddy, okay?"

Bella closed her eyes once more, the music sweeping her up and instantly

transporting her back in time, back to the arms of her long-lost lover. Back to a

happier time, when everything had been so much simpler. Back to a time when

she been madly in love; and that was all that had mattered.

Bella hoped her daughter wouldn't notice the moisture in her eyes, and she

rubbed at them with gnarled fists as Daniel and Eva said their good-byes.

"Mom?" Mary asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, dear. Just a touch of melancholy in my old age, is all." Bella tried

to smile, but it came out feeling more like a grimace.

"Do you want to look through photos again, today? We don't have to, if you don't

want to. I could take you out in the wheelchair if you want some fresh air. Maybe

a cup of tea?" Mary asked, desperate to find something that would take her

mother's mind off whatever it was that had made her upset.

Bella shook her head. The secret she had kept from her daughter was bubbling

up inside, threatening to escape.

"The piano. It reminded me of my first love. When we met." The secret that had

lain dormant for so many years was finally out.

"Are you going tell me the story of how you two met in the grocery store, again?"

Mary teased.

"No, not Peter. His name was Edward."

"Edward? " Mary said confused. "But, I thought..."

"Oh, don't look so shocked." Bella replied curtly. "I never told you about him

before, but yes - there was a man before your father."

Mary gasped, the sound heavy with shock and confusion. She turned away

quickly, but not before Bella caught the flash of betrayal on her face, and took a

couple of tentative steps towards the window.

"Mary?" Bella called to her, regretting her harsh words. "Don't be upset...please?"

Mary hesitated, but after the slightest of pauses, she turned back to her mother,

unspoken questions in her eyes.

Bella gestured towards the armchair next to hers, and Mary flopped into it with

resignation. She raised her eyebrows, and looked at her mother expectantly.

"Did you really think I didn't love before I met your father?"

"You just never mentioned anyone...I just assumed...I don't know..." Mary said.

This hadn't been the type of conversation she had expected to have with her

mother today. Normally, they looked through photo albums and reminisced about

her childhood. With a flash of guilt, she realized she had never really taken the

time to ask about her younger years.

Bella smiled. Edward belonged to another lifetime. Some of the memories had

faded, some had been lost altogether, swallowed by the ravages of age. Others,

despite the many years that had passed, were as crystal clear as if they had

happened only yesterday.

"He was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen, and the instant I laid eyes

on him, I fell in love." Bella sighed. The girl she had been then had given up her

heart so willingly, so freely. So young, so naive; so certain.

"I met him when I was seventeen. We had many, many happy years together.

We were young and passionate, and thought we had forever. A once-in-a-lifetime

love. That's what it was."

"So, why have you never mentioned him before?" Mary said accusingly.

Bella had wanted to share this part of her life with Mary, had wanted so badly to

tell her tales of young love and all the sights she had seen on Edward's arm.

Several times, she had come close to spilling the stories of her youth, but the

timing never seemed right. Something would always happen to make her rethink,

to lock the secret up for another day, another week, another year. The reality

was, there was never going to be a perfect time to tell Mary that her father

hadn't, in fact, been the love of her life. Yes, she had adored and loved him, but

it hadn't been the same kind of all-consuming love that she had shared with

Edward. It wasn't Peter that plagued her dreams, and whose memories haunted

the emptiness of her days.

Bella had always known that there was a distinct possibility that Mary would be

upset to hear her revelations, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her.

The truth was, memories of Edward still made her heart ache, too. Perhaps that

was the part of the reason it had taken her so long to ease her conscience, and

tell her daughter about the man who had swept her off her feet.

"Not all love stories have a happy ending," Bella said softly.

"What happened?" Mary asked.

"Circumstances beyond our control forced us apart. Fate was cruel, and we both

had to live with the consequences of the choices we made."

The reality was, of course, much more involved than that, but there was no way

Bella could bring herself to speak of vampires and the inherent swathe of

complications that had ultimately become her death sentence. Sometimes, it all

seemed so fantastical she wondered if her aging brain had, in fact, recalled things

correctly.

"Oh," Mary said sadly.

"Don't be sad. I spent far too much of my life being angry and bitter at the way

things turned out. It took a long time for me to simply accept my life was what it

was. Being with him was one of the happiest times of my life, and yet, if it hadn't

ended, I would have missed out on being a mother. I never would have gotten to

experience the joy of having you, and watching you grow into the amazing

woman you are." Bella hoped that Mary would recognize the sincerity in her

words, and know how much she was loved.

"But.."

"No buts. It is sad that it didn't work out for us, and there is a piece of me that

will always love him, but there is no point in wishing for what could never have

been. And besides, we're meant to lose the people we love. How else are we

supposed to know how important they are?" Bella reached over and touched

Mary's hand.

Tears slipped from her daughter's eyes.

"Don't say that. It sounds...so final."

"Well, its true. It wasn't until he was gone that I realized how much I loved him -

how much a part of me he was." Bella wondered what she would have done

differently, if she had known back then that things would have to end. Would she

have made more of an effort to remember every moment? Would she have told

him that she loved him more often?

"I can't believe you kept this from me. It's such a sad story. I feel so bad you've

carried it around on your own for so long," Mary said softly.

"I guess I didn't want to taint your view on love. I wanted you to find the

someone special of your own, to fall in love and give your whole heart. I didn't

want you holding yourself back, just because my love story turned out to be a

tragedy."

"Is he still...alive?" Mary asked hesitantly, knowing that her father's death a few

years previously, had been difficult for Bella.

She turned the name Edward over in her mind, trying it on for size. Edward and

Bella. She smiled. Despite the almost-guilt she felt for thinking it, she liked the

sound of their names together. Listening to her mother speak of this other man

had, at first, been painful, like a betrayal to the husband and father that they had

both loved, but she couldn't help but be deeply fascinated by this part of her

mother's life. There was a light in Bella's eye that Mary had not seen for a very

long time.

"Yes." Bella cringed at the irony of Mary's question. "As far as I know. Yes."

"Do you want to see him again?" Mary whispered.

Bella snorted. She had tossed that very question around in her head so many

times it had been impossible to keep count. Her mind told her no, but her heart

screamed yes.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Bella said reluctantly. "I said my good-

byes a long time ago." The anger that she had thrown at Edward the last time

she had seen him still made her stomach turn. That was the one regret she had

been unable to let go of.

"Tell me more about him?" Mary asked, her curiosity unable to remain silent.

It was Bella's turn to smile indulgently. "What would you like to know?"

XX.

Bella is 49. (Mary is 9).

Bella smiled softly as she watched her daughter. Mary was utterly entranced by

the performance, and had barely taken her eyes off the stage since the orchestra

had started filling the theater with their captivating music.

The symphony had been sold out for weeks, but at the last minute, Peter had

managed to get tickets from a contact at his work. Seeing the look of pure joy on

her daughter's spell-bound face was worth every cent they had paid to see the

exorbitantly priced, opening night performance.

They both knew their daughter had a gift for music. Even as a toddler, they would

find her beating out a rhythm with a spoon on the back of a saucepan, or playing

alone, singing a made-up lullaby to her dolls. Piano lessons had been booked as

soon as she was big enough to sit on a piano stool. Peter often joked that music

was Mary's second language.

Bella sighed to herself and turned back to the stage. She found it amazing that a

group of people could all play individual instruments and yet, make such a

cohesive and collective sound together. All the parts working in harmony to

create such beauty. It was no wonder Mary had been so thrilled when they had

given her the tickets as an early birthday present. She closed her eyes, and

listened to the wordless story that was being created in front of her.

All too soon, they were on their feet showing their appreciation with their hands.

Mary looked both devastated the evening was over, and overwhelmed at having

heard the world renown musicians play live in a theater. Bella touched her

shoulder, gently.

"Time to go, sweetheart. If they ever come here again, I promise we'll take you."

Mary sighed, but let her mother lead them out of their seats and into the packed

foyer.

As they joined the throng of people, a glance of tousled bronze hair caught Bella's

attention. She gasped. Surely it couldn't be. But another flash of an all too

familiar profile confirmed her suspicion.

Edward was right there, in front of her.

For a split-second, she considered pretending that she hadn't seen him, slowly

making his way through the crowd to the door of the theater. For just an instant,

she was content to let him go, to keep the two incompatible parts of her life - the

past and the present - separate and distinct. She knew it was unlikely he would

know she was so close behind him; in a crowd of humans this tightly packed, she

knew he wouldn't be breathing, knew he would only be concentrating on shutting

out the barrage of thoughts that would be bombarding him.

She could simply pretend she hadn't seen him.

When was the last time she had seen him, she wondered to herself. Had it really

been ten years? Bella could hardly believe it had been that long, but time seemed

to fly now she was a mother. Days, weeks, months and years just sped by. She

had certainly never expected to happen upon him randomly like this.

She was pushing through the crowd before she realized what she was doing.

"Edward," she called to him.

He froze, and turned agonizingly slowly toward her. The look of shock on his

usually impassive features answered the question that had prickled at the back of

her mind, since the moment she had realized it was him.

He hadn't known she was here.

The crowd parted around them as they stood silently taking stock of each other.

She smiled softly at him.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I swear, I didn't know you were here," he said anxiously.

"It's okay. Really," she said quickly as she shifted her weight nervously from one

foot to another.

"How are you?" Of course, Edward came from another time, even in situations as

awkward and unexpected as this, he would not forget his manners.

"I'm good. You?"

"I'm well, thank you." He did look well. Bella couldn't stop herself gazing at him.

So handsome with his chiseled features, all sharp angles of jaw and cheekbones.

He had always been the type of beautiful that made people take another glance,

and that certainly hadn't changed. Bella could see the crowd slowly filing past

them, every person stealing another look at perfection as they passed. So lean

and lithe, his body was as untouched by time as his face.

"You look…so young!" The words rushed out, and Bella blushed as she heard how

ridiculous she sounded. Her age, his age, and the gap between them had been at

the heart of why their relationship had faltered, and why she had ultimately left

him. It was thoughtless to throw it back in his face, now.

"Only the outside," Edward smiled at her wryly.

Peter touched her arm lightly, and she felt a flash of guilt as she realized she had

all but forgotten her family in her haste to catch up to Edward.

"Isabella?" Peter asked, his tone asking a million unspoken questions.

Bella forced herself to smile as her two worlds collided.

"Edward, this is my husband, Peter." Bella said quietly, thankful that the pain she

had been anticipating to see on Edward's face never came.

"Edward is…" Bella faltered, not knowing what to say. There were so many things

that Edward was, but none of them could be shared. Not with Peter. "Edward is a

friend of the family." She finally settled on a not-quite lie, hoping Edward would

forgive her truth-bending.

"Nice to meet you, Edward." Peter said warmly as he shook Edward's hand.

"Likewise." Edward said curtly, before quickly withdrawing his hand. Bella could

only guess what kind of questions were racing through her husband's mind as he

shook hands with this young "friend" he had never heard his wife speak of before.

"And this is Mary. My daughter." Bella said as she pulled her daughter to stand

beside her.

Edward stared at the little girl in front of him, glancing between her and Bella

with wide, shocked eyes. Bella winced as she watched the storm of emotions

flash over his face; the regret and sorrow she had expected, and then a softening

of his features, a slight smile gracing his lips. As much as it had hurt him when

she had left, he had only ever wanted her to be happy. Bella hoped he would

know that all her dreams and hopes had come true.

Edward crouched down to Mary's height.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mary," he said softly. "Did you enjoy the show?"

"Oh yes. I'm going to play in an orchestra one day! I play the piano and the

violin," she replied with her usual enthusiasm.

Edward chuckled. "Well, I hope one day I will get to hear you play, Mary."

Bella felt her heart clench as she watched the ghost of her past interact so

naturally with her own flesh and blood. Edward would have been an attentive and

loving father, if only...the thought was too painful, too close to home, too hard,

and she shut it away quickly before turning to her husband.

"Why don't you go ahead and take Mary to the car? I'll be there in a minute."

"Sure." Peter said as he reached out his hand for Mary to take. "We'll see you in a

minute?" Bella nodded, but she didn't miss the lingering gaze he shot at Edward.

She couldn't read minds, but she knew there would be questions for her to

answer later.

As her family walked through the theater doors, Bella realized that the foyer was

now pretty much deserted. She hadn't even noticed the crowd dispersing as they

talked.

"She's beautiful. Does Alice..?" Edward asked hesitantly.

"Yes, she does." Bella felt oddly guilty. She had often wondered if Alice had

slipped up and accidentally shown Edward a glimpse of the little girl that had

been named after her. Alice had assured her that she could keep things from him

if she tried, but there had always been a part of her that had wondered how long

she would be able to keep it up.

"Oh." Edward said with surprise, running his hand through his hair. "I should

probably give her more credit, then," he joked, flashing her an apologetic grin.

She grinned back at him. It was a relief to see Edward smiling. The few occasions

she had seen him since their relationship ended had been so strained and

difficult. She had found a new kind of happiness without him, and all she had

hoped for him was that he would one day find the same, that one day he would

smile again.

An awkward silence stretched between them. Bella searched her mind for

something, anything, to say, but everything seemed trite, or forced. Nervously,

she began to fidget with the hem of her blouse as Edward remained silent.

The vision of Edward interacting with Mary replayed over and over in her mind.

The realization crashed over her that 17-year-old Edward was closer in age to

Mary than he was to her, and she felt her knees go weak.

She had spent so long agonizing over her decision to leave, so long wondering if

she had, in fact, done the right thing. Tonight, for the first time since she had left

him, she no longer questioned herself. Tonight, she had seen first-hand the

impossible nature of the future she would have had at his side. It took Bella

another moment to finally recognize that the strange sensation washing over her

was relief.

"I should probably go," Bella said as she stared at the floor. Suddenly, the carpet

seemed infinitely more interesting than whatever emotion she might see in

Edward's face.

"Okay." She could hear the reluctance in his voice, and she raised her eyes to

him again.

"It was good to see you, Bella." He reached his hand out to her, but stopped

before he touched her. The hesitation in the gesture made her heart ache, and

she took his cold hand in hers and squeezed it briefly.

"You, too," she replied as she dropped his hand and pulled her handbag up on her

shoulder. She tried to pretend she didn't see the pain in his eyes as she walked

away from him, again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she walked out into the night.

XXI.

Edward snarled, coal black eyes glinting with rage. The monster no longer lurked

deep inside him; it gnashed its teeth as it clawed its way to the surface.

"Leave me alone." His voice was hoarse and scratchy, barely recognizable as the

voice of their loved one.

Please, Edward. We love you. We only want to help.

His mother's silent pleas only fueled his anger further, and he stalked past her

through the door, careful not to touch her outstretched hand.

He didn't want their love, or their pity. The only thing he wanted was silence, a

reprieve from the worried glances, and the anxious thoughts they tried

unsuccessfully to keep from him; from the failed attempts to alter his mood with

Jasper's gift, and Alice and her all-seeing eyes.

He didn't deserve, or want any of it.

The only thing he wanted was her.

When he reached the trees, he ran. Fast and angry, a blur of self-hatred and

emptiness. He ran until the moon rose in the sky and cast its silver hue over the

shadowed forest. Only then did he stop.

He could feel the thirst burning through his long-redundant veins. It scorched its

way through his body, setting his throat on fire and filling his mind with thoughts

of fingernails clawing at his skin. The fiery pain was a welcome distraction from

the ache in his chest. He let it consume him, hoping it would obliterate the

memories which haunted him, every second of his empty, never-ending

existence.

How long since he had hunted? He didn't know. Carlisle and Esme had begged

him to join them, had even brought home live animals in the hope that the smell

of the blood would release him from his near catatonic apathy.

He didn't want to feed. The burn in his throat was his punishment. He deserved

this pain. It was a reminder that he was a monster, an abomination in the eyes of

God, an unnatural creature that was undeserving of love.

She was love, and she was gone.

An agonizing scream burst from his throat, and he fell to his knees on the forest

floor as nightbirds took flight around him. Startled animals fled into the darkness,

but he couldn't even bring himself to raise his head.

A failure. That was what he was.

He had never failed at anything before. Everything came easily to him; his

vampire brain and body effortlessly overcame any challenge.

And yet, he had failed her.

She needed things he couldn't provide, needed more than the luxuries and love

he had showered her with. She needed the only thing his superior strength and

aptitude couldn't provide.

She needed a human to live her life with.

Alaska was bleak and cold. The irony that his new home was little more than vast

emptiness and chilly isolation was not lost on him.

He slipped effortlessly through the thigh-deep snow, following the scent of the

foraging wolf that he was tracking.

Tanya's thoughts drifted on the ice-cold air like snowflakes. He smiled. She had

the wolf in her sights, and was calling to him to join her for the kill.

In an instant he was by her side. Together, in companionable silence, they

watched the wolf devour the small snowshoe hare, the smell of its blood spilling

on the pristine snow making the venom pool in their mouths.

She glanced at him, asking him in her mind if he wanted her to strike.

He nodded and watched as Tanya pounced, all graceful and deadly stealth. The

snap of the wolf's neck was the only sound on the snow-covered tundra.

Grateful that once again, she had been the bringer of death, he joined her and

knelt by the animal's still warm corpse. Tanya was already drinking, and she shot

him a bloodstained grin as he bent his head. His lungs filled with the smell of the

animal's earthy blood as he watched the droplets of thick crimson run down her

chin and splash onto matted fur.

"Thank you," he murmured, before sinking his teeth into the limp neck of their

prey.

She didn't respond, and let him drink his fill.

"One more?" she asked, knowing that one wolf was not enough of a meal for two

vampires.

He nodded as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Tanya's patience

never ceased to amaze him. She had been hunting for him for months. The only

thing keeping him from drowning in the depths of despair, was her willingness to

provide him with the sustenance he alone was unable to execute.

Originally, he had come here hoping to escape the suffocating concern of his

family. He had never bought her here, this was a place that held no memories of

their time together. With its wide open spaces and silent, frozen wilderness, it

seemed the perfect place to wallow in his melancholy.

What he hadn't expected to find here was distraction. He had never expected that

Tanya would provide him with more than just a roof over his head.

He knew he was being selfish, knew it was despicable and loathsome to take her

embraces and her patience, and give nothing in return. She said she knew they

could never be anything more. She said she could see that he couldn't love her

like that, and that she understood he was still broken and hurting. She said she

just wanted to give him what she could; let him fuck away the pain, give him a

moment's reprieve from the memories and the darkness that haunted him.

He greedily took what she had to offer, seeking refuge in her strong, unbreakable

body. She met his urgent kisses with lips that were the same temperature as his

own, let him bite her neck as his pained ecstasy ripped through him, and when he

cried out the name that wasn't hers, she didn't say a word. She just held him

close, and hoped that one day he would be whole again.

Edward quickly buried the wolf's broken body, piling up the snow in a makeshift

cairn.

He held out his hand to Tanya, and she took it with a smile.

"Let's hunt."

He felt like a pervert. A sick scopophiliac. A common peeping Tom.

The compulsion to watch her was overwhelming.

He knew that his actions reeked of desperation and madness, but he couldn't

bring himself to accept the help his family so willingly offered.

He didn't want to stop. Not yet.

Naively, he had thought that if he could just assure himself she was happy in her

new life, he would be able to move on. How stupid he had been. Watching her

from a distance, living the human life he had once convinced her she should

choose, was torture; but yet, he clung to the little glimpses of her. If stolen

moments were all he could have, then he would clutch them close to his chest

and never give them up.

Hidden, silent and resentful , he watched her go about her daily rituals;

breathing, laughing, loving. Without him.

From a distance, he watched the love of his life pick up the pieces of her

shattered heart and mend it back together in the arms of another man. A man of

flesh and blood and beating heart; just like her. A man with warm, safe arms that

would never accidentally hurt her.

A human man for her human life.

Edward loathed him; this Peter, this could never be good enough substitute. He

wanted to smash in his handsome face that she so willingly kissed, scrape the

scent of her off his skin, break every bone in his arms that held her tight. He

wanted to, in every violent and heinous way imaginable, erase every last trace of

this man that shared her bed, her body. But, despite the jealousy and the blood-

red rage, he also found himself feeling a strange kind of gratitude towards the

man who had loved her back to life, and restored the smile to her face. He hated

him, and yet he was thankful she had found someone. It didn't make sense even

in his own mind, but that was how everything was.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Edward had never paid attention to the passing of time. Carlisle, with one foot in

the human world, had always been the family time-keeper. It was Carlisle that

moved the family when suspicions were raised, when ages on paper no longer

matched the youth of their vampire bodies. There had never been a reason for

him to keep measure of the infinitesimal increments of an eternal life.

Only now, Edward was obsessed with time. Too late, he finally understood her

despair and preoccupation with aging.

She had become his time-piece. Every second of every day, she drew another

breath, drew another step closer to the end of her life. In her, he watched the

agonizing passing of time, the inevitable march toward a finite end. He watched

her age, and with every subtle line in her skin, every weakening of her bones,

every movement that was no longer fluid and unhindered, he felt the panic and

pain of forever boil and rumble in the pit of his stomach.

She was running out of time. And so was he.

XXI.

Bella is 65.

A knock at the door was the last thing Bella expected to hear. She carefully put

her glass of wine down on the coffee table, and grabbed her purse, assuming that

there were girl scouts in her neighborhood.

She groaned, the pain in her joints flaring again as she slowly pulled herself to

her feet. Normally, a glass of wine in the evenings would take the edge off, but

she was beginning to realize that she might have to see someone about the dull

ache in her bones, after all.

She sighed as she opened the door. She didn't really want, or need, their cookies,

but handing over her small change would get them moving on to the next house

more quickly.

But it wasn't a girl scout who stood on her doorstep.

"Edward?"

"Hello, Bella."

A stunned silence crackled between them as Bella took in the sight before her.

Edward.

Edward. Still as youthful and perfect as he had always been. Liquid honey eyes

and thick, tousled hair. Young and untouched by time; seventeen forever. Had

she really been as young as that, once upon a time?

In his hand was a single long-stemmed pink rose and he held it out to her like a

peace offering. An apologetic smile graced his handsome face.

She took the rose from him, and held the door open so he could come into her

house, feeling the coolness of his body pass by her in a rush of nostalgia and

long-buried memories. She closed the door slowly, resting her head against the

panelled wood, hoping that she could draw some of its strength into herself. God

only knew she would need it.

Edward remained silent, but followed her into the living room. She didn't

acknowledge the fact that she could see him studying the photos on the wall. She

wondered what he was thinking as he took stock of her human life; 6x4 maxi-

color snapshots of a life that didn't include him.

She gestured to him to take a seat on the couch, deliberately putting some

distance between them as she lowered herself slowly into her armchair. She

swallowed back a grimace as the pain in her wearied bones made its presence

known.

"Why are you here?" Bella asked as she twirled the rose between her fingers. It

was perfectly formed, its sweet fragrance filling her mind with thoughts of

another time.

"Er, I'm here...because...well," Edward seemed taken aback by her bluntness and

he paused, raking his fingers through his bronzed hair distractedly.

The rose forgotten, Bella snapped her head up to Edward. She had never, once,

in all their years together, heard him falter or stammer over words.

As if sensing her unease, Edward continued, "Because I thought..."

Unspoken words lingered in the air and Bella could only stare at him, mouth

agape, her mind racing and tumbling, refusing to settle on what her heart knew

he meant. She berated herself for not starting with small talk.

"Oh my God," she whispered to herself as she clenched her eyes shut. This

simply could not be happening. A social visit between two old friends - yes, she

could handle that. When she had opened the door and seen him there, the shock

she had been expecting to feel had never arrived, and she had realized that there

had always been a small part of her that had suspected she would see Edward

again, some day.

So much time had passed, she had assumed that if, or when, he turned up again,

there would somehow be an intrinsic shift in their relationship. So much time had

passed and she had changed so much. In her mind, everything was different. She

was an old woman, and she had almost welcomed the idea that, despite their

history together, there might be a future for them as friends. Without the burden

of physical attraction and sexual tension to complicate things, perhaps they could

just enjoy each other's company again, as friends.

Just friends.

But that wasn't how he saw it, obviously.

She couldn't believe that he was here and expecting that. The absurdity of it all

began to hit home and her small frame erupted into laughter, the sound echoing

across the room. Images of them together flooded her mind - wrong and

awkward, and simply impossible. He was insane, that was the only explanation.

Composing herself for a minute, Bella wiped the tears from her eyes, holding

back another burst of laughter. Edward watched her, his face impassive, but she

could see the flash of pain that echoed in his eyes.

"Can you not see this wrinkled, lumpy flesh?" She looked down at her swollen

knuckles, at the age-spots on the back of her hand, at her bent fingers and loose

paper-thin skin. How could he want this body that time had claimed and marked

as its own, this body that was slowly failing her?

"Good God, Edward, how the hell can you still want me, when I look like this and

you look like that?" she said incredulously as she waved her hand toward him;

the vision of youth and longevity.

Saying it out loud made it seem even more ludicrous, and Bella shook her head in

disbelief. Never, ever, in a million years had she expected Edward would seek her

out again and ask this of her.

"I still love you," he said softly. She could hear his dismay, his disappointment,

his disbelief that she was turning him down.

"I'm old, Edward. You really think...?" She couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"I've never stopped loving you, Bella. I've gone over and over my decision, and I

know that, at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. Only now, I know I

was wrong. I'm sorry. Words can't express how sorry I am. If I could go back and

change it, I would. It was all a terrible mistake, and I'm so very sorry."

The sincerity in his words made her heart ache. Why was he here, telling her

this? She had spent so much energy putting her regrets to rest and trying to

move on, the last thing she wanted to hear was that he thought he'd made a

mistake.

A mistake was forgetting to buy milk. A mistake was taking the wrong exit off the

high-way. A mistake was wearing black pants with brown shoes. Insinuating that

his decision was a mistake and lumping it with the same importance as these

insignificant life-moments was insulting. It made a mockery of everything she

had been through, trivialized her whole life to something meaningless, to

something that didn't matter, something wrong.

His decision had altered and shaped everything. She shook her head. He didn't

get to come here and make it all about him. This was her life he was disregarding

with his throwaway comment.

"Well, it's too late for our happy ending now, Edward. It took me a very long time

to accept the hand that fate dealt me, but I did. You made your decision, and I

made mine. I chose a human life, and I have to live it the best that I can. Maybe

its time you stopped holding on to the past and accepted it, too."

"What if I told you that I changed my mind?"

Bella sat stunned, thinking she must have misheard him.

"Sorry? What?"

"I was wrong. I admit that. I have no right to ask this of you, but please forgive

me. I want to make it right. Now." His amber eyes held her gaze; pleading,

begging.

"What? Wait! You're not offering to change me...are you?"

He didn't say a word; he didn't need to. The answer was written all over him. His

body practically radiated with yearning and longing, hope and desperation etched

across his perfect face.

In that instant, she could almost see the ribbons of absolute and endless love

that bound her to him.

Her heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. Decades of careful reconstruction,

the infinitely slow repair of her heart after the loss of him, years of healing and

learning to love again; all that effort and time lost in an instant. Each tiny splinter

that crashed to the floor, a treasured moment from her human life. Every

cherished and happy moment now tarnished with the stain of deceit; this

nightmare of unfathomable betrayal.

She held her head in her hands as the weight of what he was offering threatened

to pull her into the depths and drown her. She felt the waves of despair crash

over her as everything she had forced herself to believe simply washed away and

disappeared.

How could he do this to her?

Anguish and humiliation and loss overwhelmed her as the darkest moments of

her life flashed before her eyes. Every moment she had spent agonizing over the

loss of him; empty and alone because he wasn't there. Every moment she had

faltered and wasted on regret, hating herself for what she had done. Every

moment she had felt guilty for moving on and loving again.

Every single one of those moments had been a step closer to death. This greyed

and withered version of herself was his making. He had as good as sentenced her

to death, denying her the chance to live a life free from the agony of aging.

All of this was his fault - him and his irrefutable arguments, his iron-clad decision,

his insistence, his fucking arrogance.

And now, after all these years, he had the audacity to come here and offer her

the only thing he had ever refused her. Everything she had ever wanted, he had

laid it for her at her feet. Everything she had ever needed or desired; hers in the

blink of an eye.

Eternity, by his side, was the one and only thing he had ever denied her.

Gone was the disbelief and the incredulous nervous laughter; in its place was

pure anger. Resentment and indignation burned through her, and she rose to her

feet, aching body forgotten as the fury rose up inside her.

"How dare you?" she seethed as she stalked over to him. "You come here with

your fucking rose and your But I still love you, Bella and expect me to...what

exactly? Fall into your arms and beg you to take me back? And if that doesn't

work you're going to pull out the big guns and offer to change me?" She threw

the rose at him and watched as it flew through the air, glancing off his frozen

body.

"You bastard. You fucking selfish bastard!" she glowered at him, hands curled in

fists at her side as the anger surged through her body.

"I was wrong. I'm sorry. I've had a long time to think and..."

He could plead all he wanted, but he would hear what she had to say first.

"You've had a long time to think? " Bella interrupted him, rage boiling in her

veins. "Jesus! Were you always this self-absorbed? Well newsflash, Edward. While

you've been angsting over whether you made the right decision or not, I've been

slowly dying. Every single second of every single day I get older and older, and

closer to death. There's nothing like knowing you have a death sentence hanging

over your head to get you thinking. And you know what? I thought about you and

I thought about your decision and I learned to live with it. So...this? You coming

to me, now? This is nothing short of insulting. I can't believe you would come

here and offer me that, after all this time! You can take your change of heart and

go to fucking hell!"

Bella was breathless with the exertion of yelling at him, and her petite frame

shook with the storm of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her.

"I love you, Bella. Why is that so hard for you to accept? I just want us to be

together." Edward at least had the grace to look apologetic, but it did little to

calm Bella's indignant rage.

"Well, you should have thought of that when you had the chance," she retorted

as she paced the floor in front of him.

"We have that chance again, now. If you'll just let me explain," he begged, his

voice soft and pleading.

"Edward, you can't just turn up here out of the blue and ask me to give up

everything. I have a child, a daughter, for fuck's sake. And I love her more than

life itself. I can't turn my back on her and say goodbye. I can't just leave her -

she needs her mother. And I need her! I can't give up the chance to see her

children, to hold my grandchildren in my arms. You're asking me to give up my

life, my happiness, and for what? A fairytale romance that ended decades ago?

We're not children anymore, Edward."

Jesus, despite his age, sometimes he still acted like the naive teenager he

appeared to be, she thought to herself angrily.

The idea of never seeing Mary again made her feel sick to her stomach. She had

longed to have a child for so long, and being a mother had made her so happy -

so complete. Mary meant the world to her, and she simply couldn't reconcile a

future that didn't have her in it.

Before she could blink, Edward was on his feet and glaring at her.

"You make it sound like it means nothing to you. That I mean nothing to you. I

know you still love me, Bella. Just like I still love you. We were made for each

other. I can't keep doing this without you." His voice was even, but she could

hear the threads of anger and desperation in his tone.

"We could have had forever, Edward. Don't you get it? You threw it away. You

were the one that turned your back on us. You say that you love me like you

think it's the band-aid that will fix everything. It's too late, don't you see? You

had your chance, but you were so blinded by your own skewed ideas of right and

wrong, you couldn't see what was staring you right in the face. You broke us,

Edward."

"It was you who left me, remember," Edward spat at her as he glowered at her.

His honey eyes had turned hard as topaz, glinting with past hurts and

desperation.

"Only because you forced my hand. You think I could have stayed with you for

the rest of my life? Found a way to 'get over' the fact that I was dying slowly in

front of you? That somehow I could ignore that every breath I took was one

breath closer to death? Do you really think I would have tortured you like that? I

left because I loved you, Edward. I couldn't do that to you, to either of us."

How dare he make out like this was her fault. The realization that, after all this

time, they were arguing over who was to blame, only made her angrier.

"I know I was wrong, Bella. I'm so sorry. I just want to make it right. I want a

future for the two of us, together."

"It's too late!" she screamed at him. It was too late. Decades too late. He had no

right to expect this of her now. He was asking her to give up everything. To give

up her child.

Visions of herself with golden eyes and flawless skin flashed through her mind.

She could see herself so clearly; not Bella with short grey hair and eyes framed

with crow's feet, not Bella in an old and tired body. She was young and beautiful,

holding Edward's hand as he gazed at her lovingly.

They were perfect.

That was the Bella she had once thought her future-self would become. That was

the future that had been denied her, but that she had wanted so very badly. A

broken sob escaped her chest as she realized that was the future a part of her

still wanted. The same part of her that still loved Edward, that still clung to a

distant and obscure hope that one day they would be together; forever.

Tears soaked her cheeks as her thoughts turned, once again, to her beloved

daughter. Mary was her best friend, the most important person in her life; and a

future by Edward's side would mean she would never be able to see her again.

Her heart clenched and her breath caught in her throat as she realized she would

never see her own daughter fall in love, never stand by her side on her wedding

day, never be there to welcome her daughter's children into the world. Her

daughter still needed her mother's love and support.

He had no idea of what he was asking her to give up.

Her mind was a chaotic jumble of alternate futures; visions of herself, her

daughter, Edward, tumbled over each other, merging, morphing, fading in and

out as she tried to figure out exactly what it was she wanted.

If only he had changed her, back when she was a teenager.

She grimaced. Regret was no friend of hers, and she didn't want to go down its

dark path again. She had spent so long learning how to move on, to be happy

with her lot in life. Learning how to be strong.

And now her greatest fear was standing in the very same room, begging her to

choose a new path. What if she wasn't strong? What if the part of her that was

entertaining the idea of choosing eternity instead of death was going to give in?

What if, in fact, she was weak?

In years to come, Mary would find someone who loved her, would live her own

life, have her own children. In years to come, her mother's presence in her life

would cease to have the same importance. What if he came back and begged her

again? What if Edward haunted her for the rest of her days; tempting and

persuading? Would the part of her that had chosen a human life always remain

dominant?

She doubted she would be able to resist. And if she didn't? Then everything she

had been through, both the agony and the joy, her life; it would all have been for

nothing.

She had made her choice, and now she was going to choose it all over again.

"Please, Bella. I'll give you whatever you want." Edward's heartfelt pleas broke

her silent conflict.

"Anything?"

"Anything."

She had asked him to change her and he had refused. She asked him to let her

live the human life he was so desperate for her to have, but he hadn't been able

to leave her in peace. Now, buoyed by determination and an acceptance of the

life she had chosen all those years ago, she was going to ask him for the hardest

thing of all.

"Leave me alone. I don't ever want to see you again. Ever. Get out of my house,

get out of my life, and never ever come back. That's what I want."

"Bella, please..." Edward said, sinking to his knees in front of her. "Please don't

do this."

"It's over, Edward. It's been over for years. I've moved on, I have another life

now. One that can't include you."

"...please...please...please..." he whispered as he clung to her feet, worshiping

her, loving her with everything he had.

She forced herself to keep speaking the lies, knowing it was the only way.

"I don't want to ever see you again." She grit her teeth, swallowing back the

tears, and forcing herself to take a deep breath. Her heart split in two with a

thundering, life-altering crack.

Then she spoke the words she knew would break him forever.

"I don't love you anymore, Edward."

XXII.

Bella is 18.

Edward closed his eyes, a groan of ecstasy escaping his lips as he slowly slid

inside her. She was so tight and hot, so silky smooth; so unbelievably amazing.

He would have her like this all the time if he could; it was never enough. This

overwhelming feeling of completeness was as close to heaven as he would ever

get.

He smiled against her neck as she moaned in pleasure. Her hands clutched at his

back as he stretched and filled her, gently pushing against her delicate body.

"More," she whispered against his ear, her sweet breath washing over him.

Slowly, carefully, he thrust into her, over and over again. In his mind he was

pounding into her, his desire burning through him as he buried himself as deep as

he could. In his mind he was closer, deeper, faster, but his body knew how hard

was enough. No matter where his mind went, the control was locked firmly in

place. He knew where both of their limits were; knew how to love her and keep

her safe.

He could feel her tightening around him, her velvet heat embracing him as he

moved inside her. Little moans of ecstasy floated on the air around them, her

quickened breath and racing heart keeping time as he listened in awe to the

sounds of their love-making.

She arched her back as she started to slip over the edge, pushing her throat

against his mouth. He licked the beads of sweat off her skin, feeling the venom

pool in his mouth as he tasted the saltiness of her.

Like drops of blood.

Suddenly, all he could feel was her pulse thundering under her impossibly-thin

satin skin. Her carotid artery throbbing against his frozen lips, the blood pulsing

through her delicate veins.

Without ever tasting her before, he knew her blood would be sublime. Ambrosia.

His mind imagined how euphoric it would be to taste her, how exhilarating it

would be to sink his teeth into her neck; how orgasmic it would be to have her in

the most forbidden and erotic of ways.

Edward grimaced as his teeth grazed across her fragile skin. He knew he was

dancing on the razor's edge that separated sex and death, love and loss, but he

embraced the danger. His dark fantasies pushed him towards release and he

reveled in the lust that swept through him.

She gasped as her orgasm overwhelmed her, but she didn't call out his name like

she usually did.

"Bite me," she pleaded.

At her words, he exploded, snarling into her neck as he shot his vampire cum into

the last fading pulses of her orgasm.

He came down quickly, sated, but horrified by the turn of events.

He rolled off her quickly, sitting up and pulling on his jeans in one fluid and

inhumanly fast motion. Raking his fingers through his hair, a deep frown furrowed

his face; he couldn't look at her.

Speechless, he stood and turned his back on her, pacing a worried path through

the wildflowers that covered the meadow in a fragrant, purple carpet. Their

meadow. Their special place where they could hide from the world. Their

sanctuary.

Usually they came here to escape, to relax, to talk, to make love. This was a

place of peace for them. Only now, he found himself in turmoil, aghast at the

danger he had put her in, despising himself for letting dark and forbidden

fantasies overwhelm him.

And Bella. What the hell had she been thinking?

"Edward?" Bella called to him, hesitantly.

"You can't say things like that, Bella." Edward spun to face her again. He knew he

was glaring at her, knew he must look formidable and angry, but the unease was

making his whole body strained, and he couldn't calm himself.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know it was stupid. I just...got carried away." Bella blushed,

scarlet blood rushing to the surface of her skin. She collected her scattered

clothing and pulled them on hurriedly, her embarrassment and discomfort

palpable.

"I wasn't being serious," she whispered as she walked over to where he stood,

tense and rigid. Cautiously, she took his hands in hers. The feel of her warm, soft

skin was just another reminder of her fragility. "I'm sorry." Her thumbs rubbed

over his icy skin as she tried to soothe him with her touch.

Edward wanted to believe her. He wanted more than anything to believe that

she'd simply been overcome in the moment, that her vampire fantasy was just

that; a fantasy. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to stop his brain from jumping

to the obvious conclusion. When he finally opened them again and searched her

eyes for the thoughts he couldn't read in her mind, he was devastated to realize

that there was an emotion there he had hoped to never see.

Regret.

"We've been through this, Bella," he said softly, his own remorse washing over

him as he realized there was a part of her that had hoped he might give in.

"I know!" she snapped at him as she dropped his hands. "I said I was sorry.

Just...forget I said anything." Now it was her turn to pace amongst the flowers,

her bare feet crushing their soft petals and filling the air with their floral scent.

"Bella, please..." He hated it when she walked away from him, and in a second he

was by her side. He rubbed her shoulders softly. "Talk to me."

"It's just...it's so unfair! There must be a way, surely. I just don't accept that

there is no way around this. There must be something we can do..." Bella's eyes

filled with tears and he brought his hand to her face, tenderly wiping away the

little drops of anguish that escaped.

"Bella, I wish there was. It's just...impossible. I'm sorry. If there were any way

for me to become human for you — no matter what the price was, I would pay

it." He wished that it was as simple as that. He had spent so many lonely nights

imagining himself as a man, a human that could give her the human life she

deserved. Images of them both, old and grey, hand in hand after sharing a

lifetime together, haunted him. If there was anything that could make that

happen, he would do it.

"Exactly. And I would do the same. I would do anything, Edward. You know that."

Her voice shook with her desperation, and it made him cringe.

"But the price you would have to pay is too great, Bella. I couldn't live with

myself, knowing that you had given up your soul for me. I'll never know an after-

life, if...when, this existence ends. I can't do that to you. I can't make you a

monster, too." He grimaced. If there was a final destination for those like him, it

would surely be Hell. There were some sins that could never be forgiven.

"You know I don't believe that. You are too kind, too generous, too loving. I

simply don't accept that you don't have a soul, Edward."

"You don't know what you're asking for. This isn't a life - it's a torturous

existence. There is no way I could subject you to this agony. You have no idea

what it's like to constantly have to fight the bloodlust. To control the natural

instinct to kill. That's what we are, Bella, we're killers. I'm a murderer, I've killed

people. And even though I found a new way to live, the memories of that time

will never fade. The demon still lives inside me. What if I slip up one day, what if

I kill again? It could happen. What if I can no longer fight the part of me that

craves human blood? Being a vampire is not sexy or romantic. It's horrific. You

are so much better than this, Bella. I could never make you live this life, never let

you suffer like this."

Bella scowled at him, and he saw the disbelief in her eyes. Of course, she would

never truly understand how hard it was for him. She saw what he wanted her to

see: the carefully constructed control, the measured responses, the calm

exterior. She never saw the monster that lurked deep inside him, the part of

himself that he loathed. She never saw the turmoil, or the effort it took to keep

his emotions and instincts in check.

"Bella, whatever happens in your life, it would be better than becoming like me. I

refuse to damn you to an eternity of night, and that's the end of it." His tone was

clipped and he knew he probably sounded cruel, but he had to make her

understand; she didn't want this.

"But if you don't change me, I will die. How can that be better?" she cried.

He wrapped her in his arms, scooping her up and pulling her to his chest as he

sat on the blanket where they had made love just minutes before. Her tears wet

his shirt as she wept against him, her sobs making her whole body shake.

The self-hatred surged through him. He was the cause of her anguish, he was to

blame for the despair that was breaking her right before his eyes. But as much as

he hated himself for the despicable choice he was having to make, he knew it

simply had to be this way.

He loved her with everything he was; he just wanted what was best for her. He

just wanted her to be happy. The only thing he could do was trust that the choice

he was making would give her that.

He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her, all sweet girl and salt

tears. "I want you to be human. I want your life to continue as it would have if I'd

died in 1918 like I should have. I want you to be free to experience everything

that a human life has to offer. There is so much you would have to sacrifice if you

were changed. Your friends, your family - you would have to leave them, and

then watch them all die. You would live a life of lies, always hiding who you were,

never letting anyone get too close in case they find out the secret. It's too much

to ask, Bella. It would be incredibly foolish and selfish of me to expect you to give

all of that up, for me."

"I know you don't expect it, but I would! I would give it all up for you, to have

you forever. To have us forever." she murmured. She raised her eyes to him,

pleaded with him through wet lashes and puffy lids. She looked so vulnerable, so

sweet in her sadness.

Images of Bella as a vampire flooded his mind. She was beautiful now, but she

would be exquisite as a vampire. He could imagine the shine in her golden eyes

as she gazed at him lovingly, content in her new life.

Eternity with her by his side was the only thing that could possibly be better than

what they had now.

But eternity was the only thing he couldn't sentence her to. She had no idea how

unrelenting time was when there was simply no end to it. Even he had trouble

sometimes, trying to grasp how long he would walk the earth, how long this

torture would last. Years would give way to decades. Centuries would pass by in

the blink of an eye. He would be alive for eons. Eternity was the stuff of romantic

fairy-tales. Only, he knew that the reality was more like a horror story. He

wouldn't wish this existence on his worst enemy, let alone someone he loved.

If he was to want anything in his life, it was for an end; an end to the suffering,

an end to the pain of forever.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said, knowing his platitudes were inadequate.

"Please, Edward. Please..." She threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him

as she begged.

Begged for him to bite her.

He groaned. He might have his own dark fantasies about biting her, but he knew

it was too dangerous. She couldn't keep pleading with him, pushing him like this.

He had to make her see - whatever argument, whatever plea; he couldn't do it.

"I can't, Bella. What if I couldn't stop myself in time? What if I went too far and

drained you? What if I killed you?" He shuddered as the thought of Bella lying

broken and bleeding in his arms flashed through his mind. Denying her this was

almost more than he could bear, but the thought of what it would actually involve

was enough to keep his desires firmly in check.

His memories of another time, a time of indulgence, of blood-fuelled madness,

rocked him. He remembered all too well how intoxicating it was to feed from a

human, to swallow mouthfuls of the delicious blood that would actually sate and

fulfill him; the only thing that would stop the burn in his throat. Never once had

he stopped before draining a body completely. Never once had he pulled his too-

sharp teeth from a living body.

"I'm not strong enough," he said, loathing the truth he had to remind her of -he

was a monster.

"What about Alice? I know she would do it if I asked her," Bella said defiantly.

There was a new glimmer of hope in her eyes and she sat up. "There has to be a

way."

Edward couldn't bring himself to tell Bella that he had forbidden it, that he had

told his whole family that changing Bella was not an option - no matter how much

she begged them. But, it wasn't just Edward that had decided Bella must stay a

human.

The Volturi, the keepers of vampire law and order, the quasi-rulers of his world,

were emphatic: the Cullen coven was not to grow. With their alternative lifestyle

and their family-like arrangement, they were already a curiosity. The Volturi were

wary of this group of vampires, with their gifts and strange ways. Threats must

be managed and minimized. They had decreed it, and so it must be.

Edward knew that the Volturi brand of justice was swift and deadly. He would be

risking the lives of his entire family if he went against their decision.

"The Volturi would kill us all, Bella." Even as he reiterated what he had already

explained to her, a part of him was wishing that they could live as nomads,

wandering the world together. It was an idea he had toyed with ever since the

Volturi had sent their emissary to deliver their warning. But it would be a life

spent on the run, always looking over their shoulders. The Volturi did not give

second chances and vengeance would be theirs, even if they had to hunt them for

the rest of their days.

Bella looked crestfallen as his words sunk in. "What about when I'm old? You

can't tell me you will still love me when I'm old and wrinkled." Her voice was

barely a whisper.

He didn't hesitate. "I will always love you. No matter what. Always."

He was under no illusion that the path ahead of them would be fraught with

challenges, but even as he accepted that it would be difficult, he was certain that

his love for her would overcome any obstacle.

"We can make this work, Bella. I know we can."

At that moment he was absolutely certain that whatever happened, he would love

her forever.

"I want to believe you, so much...but..." Her hesitation made the unnecessary

breath he had just taken, catch in his throat. Maybe it wasn't about how much he

loved her, but whether she loved him enough.

Maybe he needed to love her enough to let her go. After all, that was the reality

of the future he was choosing. One day, death would steal her from him and he

would have no choice but to let her go.

"Bella, I love you more than everything else in the world combined. It was

hideously selfish of me to give in to the desire to be with you. If I was strong, I

would have walked away that first day I saw you, and let you live your life the

way it should have been lived in the first place. But I'm weak. I fell in love the

moment I set eyes on you, and I couldn't stay away. I know it was wrong, but I

am thankful that I got to have one short year of love with you. I love you more

than I can put into words, but I will let you go if that's what you want."

"No!" The conviction in her instant reaction resparked the beat in his frozen

heart. "I love you, Edward. I will always love you. Forever."

He couldn't offer her immortality, but there was one thing he could give her; his

vow, his promise.

"Bella, I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever."

XXIII.

Bella is 91. Yes. Get your tissues out.

During the day, the nurses came to check on her every few hours, waking her

tired body with their patient hands. She could tell from their subtle frowns that,

whatever it was that they measured and noted on her chart, it wasn't good.

She didn't need their sad smiles to know she didn't have much time left.

Her bones ached, and her muscles were so weak she could do little more than lay

useless and immobile against the starched sheets. Just taking a breath was an

effort that left her exhausted.

She knew that death would come for her soon, and when it finally did, it would be

a relief.

Her final days were endless and lonely, the silence and emptiness broken only by

the bustle of the nurses and the steadfast visits by her family each morning.

Once, she would have welcomed their company, but now their pitied glances and

the halfhearted smiles that didn't reach their eyes, just made the time pass even

slower.

From the confines of her hospital bed she could see out the window, and she

spent her days alone, watching the clouds pass through the sky, letting the

gradual shift and change of white against blue lull her off to sleep. Her body may

have been feeble, but her dreams were still vivid.

"Play something for me?"

Edward smiled indulgently, and then led her by the hand to the grand piano that

was the centerpiece of the living area in the Cullen's expansive house.

Gracefully, he sat at the bench and pulled her down to sit beside him.

He began to play, and she watched in awe as his nimble fingers danced over the

black and white keys. The room echoed with the sweetest melody she had ever

heard, and it made her heart swell as her mind filled with images of love; of

Edward.

She had never heard a piece of music so entrancing, so moving before. Never

before had a song touched her very soul.

After the music faded away, Edward moved his hands to her face, gently wiping

away the tears she didn't know she had shed.

"Don't cry, sweetheart," he said gently, pressing his cold lips to her cheeks as if

to erase the tear stains from her skin.

"I'm sorry, it was just so beautiful," she said, embarrassed by her show of

emotion.

"It is beautiful. It's what I wrote when all I could think of was you."

"Bella? Bella, wake up, honey."

She was vaguely aware that someone was gently shaking her from her

memories, pulling her from the comfort of his arms, and back into the pain of her

ancient body.

"You have a visitor." Bella tried to let go of the music that was still wrapped

around her heart as the nurse deftly lifted her up in the bed, easily manipulating

her frail limbs. She used the lever on the side of the bed to raise the mattress

and carefully placed another pillow behind her head. She then paused and tucked

a stray lock of grey hair behind Bella's ear.

"Do you need anything?"

Bella shook her head. Mary and Daniel had already been in to see her that

morning. Hadn't they? Or, had that been yesterday? They always came in the

mornings, but she'd had lunch already today. Hadn't she? What time was it?

Shaking her head in confusion, Bella sighed as she realized that just like time,

lucidity was slowly slipping away from her.

With a soft smile, the nurse left the room. Bella absentmindedly toyed with the

edge of the cashmere shawl that was tucked around her shoulders while she

waited for her family.

He entered the room so quietly. It wasn't until she heard his pained whisper that

she realized he was standing just inside the doorway.

"Bella." Her name fell from his lips, hushed and quiet, and weighed down with

sadness.

A strangled cry escaped her, even as her gnarled and wrinkled hand flew to her

mouth to try and hold it in. She could only stare at the boy who had once been

her lover, her best friend; the love of her life.

Edward.

Her eyes filled with tears, and furiously she tried to blink them away so that she

could see him better. Part of her was convinced this was just another dream, an

apparition conjured up by her failing mind. But with each teary blink, he

remained standing in her room. A vision from her past.

Her Edward.

Hesitantly, he took a step toward the narrow bed that filled the tiny room.

"How...?" she wheezed, her voice faint and weak.

"I got your letter," he said softly. He reached inside his jacket pocket and

removed an envelope. It was worn and wrinkled, like it had been handled and

opened a thousand times over. Slowly, he took the final few steps to close the

distance between them, and stood by her bedside.

She wiped at her eyes with wrinkled hands, desperately wanting to see him

better.

Though her eyes were weak, she could see he was still as handsome as ever, just

like she knew he would be. He was so beautiful; she would never grow tired of

gazing at him. The sight of him, there in her room, made her heart skip a beat,

and she hardly dared to believe her eyes.

He turned the envelope over, and handed it to her. She reached for it, grimacing

at the sight of his pale flawless skin and his long slender fingers. Her own fingers

were bent and swollen, and she could barely grasp the outstretched paper.

She pulled it to her face, squinting as her eyes made out the words scrawled on

the back of the envelope. In unfamiliar handwriting, next to the blue hospital

address stamped near the bottom, were the words 'It's always best to say your

good-byes in person. Room 13-06'.

Bella found herself smiling, quietly glad that the nurse had ignored her wishes.

She handed him back the envelope that held the heart-felt letter she had written

just days before.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Edward's face fell, and he reached for her hand, bringing it to his cold lips. The

shock of feeling his icy skin once again was almost too much to bear, and she

gasped as the memories and emotions tore through her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella," he implored as he kissed the palm of

her hand. "Nothing."

She closed her eyes, willing the tears to stay back, lest they steal him from her

sight again.

"I am the one..." he began, but she cut him off, surprising herself with the

strength of her raspy voice.

"Let's not waste our time on blame and regret, Edward. I don't have much time

left."

He clutched her hand tighter, leaning over her so he could bring her open hand

against his chest where his heart once beat. His face was pinched with grief, and

he gazed at her with his golden eyes.

"I'm going to miss you...so much." His head dropped, and she knew if he could

shed tears, his cheeks would be wet with his sorrow. She could see his jaw

flexing with the effort of holding his emotions in check, and the sight of him so

wounded made her heart ache.

She lifted her hand and stroked his tousled bronze hair. It was as soft as she

remembered, and it slipped through her fingers like silk. She closed her eyes,

fighting back the memories of all the other times she had run her fingers through

his hair. There was nothing she could say that would make this easier, and all she

had to offer him was the comfort of her touch.

"I would have come sooner," he said as he lifted his head, pain etched across his

face.

"I know," she smiled at him apologetically. She had thought that if he was to

come to her, it would be too painful - for them both. She had thought that

memories of another time would be enough.

But she had been so wrong.

She'd never been as happy to see Edward as she was in that moment, and her

heart broke as she realized she might never have been able to see him one last

time if the nurse had done as she had asked.

Now she had her chance to tell him to his face, make him understand how much

he meant to her.

"I love you," she sobbed, the words coming out cracked and pained. There was so

much more to say, but her body wouldn't co-operate, cries falling from her mouth

instead of apologies and assurances.

"Oh, Bella," Edward whispered as he cradled her face in his hands. He gently

raised her face to his, as if willing her to see through her tears to the truth of his

words. "I will never stop loving you. I will love you to the end of my days.

Forever."

She nodded her head, knowing that if she tried to speak it would only make the

tears flow faster. She hoped he would see in her eyes the words she couldn't say.

Silently, he gazed at her, and she could see the love for her glowing in the depths

of his amber eyes. She remembered the first time she ever saw him, how

intrigued she was by their color; liquid honey, precious gold. How he had stolen

glances at her across the Biology desk, her skin prickling under his gaze.

Over the years, she had learned to read his moods by watching the color of his

eyes. As he stared at her now, all she could see in the golden depths were love

and loss and longing.

Edward frowned in concentration, slowly bringing his head down to hers,

watching her face, as he silently asked her permission, begging her. She closed

her eyes as, ever so softly, he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

"Moonlight."

He laughed. "I taste like moonlight?"

"Yup!" She grinned at him as she twirled a strand of her long mahogany hair in

her fingers. "And something else, too. Why don't you kiss me again, and I'll try

and figure out what it is."

He was only too happy to oblige, grabbing her waist and spinning her around in

his arms, before kissing her passionately.

She could feel his hunger, and she instantly recognized his overwhelming need

for her, because it was the exact same way she felt about him.

His lips were as hard as diamonds, and she reveled in the feel of his ice-cold

mouth against her own warm skin. She moaned against him as his tongue flicked

against hers, and the taste of him filled her mouth.

She pulled away from him with a wide smile. "Toffee! Moonlight and Toffee!"

She woke with a start, disoriented and confused. For the shortest of moments,

she thought she was back in her old bedroom at her father's weatherboard house

in Forks. She could almost hear the wind rustling through the trees in the forest

behind the house, and smell the coffee Charlie was brewing downstairs in the

kitchen.

An agonized sob ripped through the air as reality crashed down around her. She

wasn't back in her bedroom with its purple bedspread and creaky floorboards.

She was in her hospital bed, in the tiny sterile room that smelled of bleach and

grief; the place where death would finally seek her out.

Waking from dreams of Edward was the worst kind of torture. The memories that

haunted her sleep were filled with visions of him, and they only made the

loneliness cut more deeply.

Edward.

A movement in the corner of the darkening room made her gasp. He moved

quickly out of the shadows to her side, concern and anxiety marring his

handsome features.

"Bella? Are you okay?" he asked her softly.

"You're really here?" she said, with a bewildered smile. She had thought he was

just another dream, another moment of happiness she would eventually wake

from.

He smiled at her sadly. "Yes, I'm really here." He reached for the glass of water

on her beside table, offering it to her before pulling the blankets up around her.

Gratefully, she took a long sip of the water, feeling it soothing her parched throat

and bringing relief to her chapped, dried lips. She glanced out the window. Night

time was descending and the room was almost dark; visiting hours would be over

very soon.

As if reading her thoughts, he gently took her hand in his. "When the nurse

comes back, I'll have to go." She flinched at his words, unable to bear the

thought of him leaving her so soon, but he continued hurriedly, "But if you would

like me to, I could come back...later."

"Please?" She hated how needy she sounded, but just a few hours with him was

not long enough. The time she had left was precious now, and she didn't want to

waste a single second of it.

"Bella, I'll never, ever leave you alone again," he whispered as he touched his lips

to her forehead.

Just then, the nurse swept through the door, and Edward touched Bella's hand

with a soft smile as he turned to go. The nurse chatted away as she performed

the last checks and observations of the day before scribbling on the chart that

hung on the end of her bed. Bella barely heard a word she said, lost in her own

thoughts and marveling at the fact she had seen her beloved Edward again.

The nurse flicked off her bedside lamp. "Goodnight, Bella. I'll see you in the

morning," she said as she clicked the door shut.

"But if I lose you, what have I left to hope for?" Edward quoted, his voice deep

and gravelly in her ear.

She sighed wistfully, reaching her hand out to carefully touch the intricately

carved monument that marked the lovers' crypt. The cold stone held so much

history, so many stories of times past, she could almost feel the memories

brushing against her fingertips.

It was hard to believe she was really here at the grave of Heloise and Abelard.

There were other tourists milling around the site. A group posed for a photo in

front of the pillars, while others tucked handwritten letters into the crypt's

delicate stonework. Bella smiled. She had no need to leave a token for the

celebrated lovers. She had already found her true love.

Edward came to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"Okay?" he asked quietly. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Her

emotions were running too close to the surface, and she didn't want to end up a

weepy mess.

They stood in silence for a few moments, breathing in the wintry Paris air and

enjoying the comfort of each other's arms.

She opened her eyes. It was sometime in the depths of the night, and everything

was pitch black. She didn't need to see him to know he was there.

"Edward?" she called anxiously.

She heard a quiet click and then her bedside lamp was casting a soft glow across

the room.

"I'm right here," he said, from beside her bed. She turned to the sound of his

voice, reaching for him. He was too far away. Desperately, she grasped his hand,

needing him closer. They had spent so long apart, the thought of letting him go

again made her insides twist, the despair rising like bile in her throat.

Her breathing was ragged and strained, the sound of her failing lungs rasping out

too-short breaths echoed across the room. She winced at how pitiful she

sounded, hating herself for not having more strength. Desperately, she wished

that she had more time.

In the night, the pain was always worse, the weariness would weigh down on her

limbs, pushing on her chest and threatening to suffocate her. Tonight it seemed

even more tenacious, an iron grip constricted her heart, and the pain was vivid

and raw against her bones.

She didn't need to say anything. He just gently moved her over before carefully

climbing onto the bed beside her. He reached back and clicked the light off again,

and then cradled her weak , fragile body in his arms. She curled up on her side

against him, feeling herself relax into his embrace.

"I'm not going anywhere," he murmured against the top of her head, leaving little

soft kisses against her hair.

"Thank you..." she whispered against his chest. She clenched her eyes shut,

trying to stop the tears from escaping, "...for everything." The effort of speaking

was almost too much to bear, and she could feel her heart stuttering in her chest.

Saying good-bye was infinitely more painful than anything time could have

inflicted on her.

His arms pulled tighter as she spoke, and she imagined his love was wrapping

around her, holding the broken pieces of her body together. His strong embrace a

shield from the agony in her heart, the cool relief of his body soothing the

physical pain that was making the breath catch in her throat.

His sweet breath washed over her, and she closed her eyes as his tender kisses

made the world fade away around her.

She was no longer an old woman on the edge of death.

She was young and beautiful, her long mahogany hair sweeping across the pillow

that she shared with her lover.

"I'll always love you, Bella," he whispered into the darkness.