Dedication

Thanks to my beta readers Kate
Rothwell, Kim Whaley, and Katie H.
And thanks to my husband for listening
to me verbally vet my story ideas, as
always.

Bad-10/03/13

Chapter 1

“C

OME

on, Trevor! Get the ball!”

Luke Schumaker threw a rubber

baseball into the woods. The large,
shaggy-haired retriever dove after it
with unbounded glee. It must be nice to
have one thing in life you were born to
do and to do it so whole-heartedly.

Luke loved his early morning hikes

in the Pennsylvania woods. The trail up
Henneman Hill started at the edge of his
apartment complex and was its chief
attraction, as far as Luke was concerned.
August was not his favorite month in the
Northeast, with its damp, close heat. But
he’d put up with the summers in

exchange for fall and winter. He’d spent
ten years after college working in
California

for

computer

game

companies, and he’d been thrilled when
his company had announced a work-
from-home policy. It meant he could
continue to do the job he loved and
move back to Pennsylvania, where
weather was weather and men wore
flannel shirts—even the gay ones.

Gay men, that is, not gay flannel

shirts, though Luke had a few of those in
his closet.

Luke was pretty sure he had a

serious flannel kink.

Back at his apartment, Luke had his

key out before he noticed the newspaper
propped against his door. It was a

Philadelphia paper, the Examiner. When
it was still there after his shower, he
decided a little neighborly consideration
was in order.

His apartment complex was called

The Woodsman, and it had thirty
separate units, all emphatically rustic.
Each unit housed four apartments. Luke
knocked on the door of all three of his
neighbors, but none of them took the
paper. His lucky day, then. Luke sat
down to enjoy his breakfast and the crisp
feel of actual newsprint.

The Entertainment section had a

crossword puzzle. Luke glanced at the
clock guiltily. He usually started work
by nine, but it was eight forty-five and he
never could resist a puzzle. He picked

up a pencil and looked down the clue
list, tracing his lips with his tongue in
concentration. He finished it in twenty
minutes.

At

lunchtime,

Luke

made

a

sandwich. Something had been tugging at
his brain all morning, something about
the crossword puzzle. He dragged the
completed puzzle across the table and
looked at the grid as he chewed his
sandwich.

19 across – Gospel writer _

_ _ _

It was a four-letter spot, and the

crossing “k” in space three made it Luke,
not Mark or John. Luke was not
uncommon in crossword puzzles. But
there was more….

20 across – If it fits _ _ _ _
21 across – Dying to meet

your _ _ _ _ _

2 down – Source for kindling

_ _ _ _ _

12 across – Don’t run _ _ _ _
18 down – What silence is _

_ _ _ _ _

22 across – Fetcher _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

[Luke shoe maker woods walk

golden retriever]

Luke started at the puzzle in

disbelief. What were the odds that Luke
and “shoe maker,” the Anglicized
version of his last name, would appear
in the same crossword puzzle and all in
the same horizontal line? Add in “walk,”

“woods,” “golden,” and “retriever” and
the odds had to be off the charts. And
then there was the fact that the paper had
been left on his doorstep. He looked at
the crossword puzzle byline: A.
Ecrivain. The name meant nothing to
him.

The rest of the day passed in a

daze. Luke was, by his own admission, a
geek. Once his brain latched onto a
problem, it was hard to tear it away. It
made him a strong computer game
designer, but work suffered when his
brain latched onto something outside the
bounds of his daily bits and bytes.

Did A. Ecrivain really send him a

hidden message in a crossword puzzle?
And if so, why?

He Googled the Philly paper but

couldn’t find anything about their
crossword puzzles on their website. He
Googled “A. Ecrivain” and the results
were all in French. The word “écrivain”
was French for “writer,” he discovered.
“A. Writer”—it had to be a pseudonym.
Great. He spent an hour with an old stats
textbook trying to figure out the odds of
seven key words appearing among
seventy random ones. He wasn’t great at
stats, but he came up with something like
less than three percent. At six o’clock he
had a Skype chat with his development
team, and they discussed the next
episode of Saints and Sinners.

By bedtime, Luke was trying to

think up a unique idea for a troll/bridge

puzzle, and the crossword had been filed
away in a mental TBD bin with things
like picking up bread and buying
Stephen King’s latest e-book for his
iPad.

Until the next morning. Luke and

Trevor returned from their morning hike
to find the Examiner on the doorstep.
This time it had an ominous and vaguely
teasing presence, like a plot moment in a
cheesy horror movie.

Luke’s heart rate sped up. He took

it inside.

1 across – Two can play _ _

_ _

10 down – Made it up _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

11 across – Axe to grind _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

20 down – Blue-eyed _____

_ _ _ _ _

31 across – ___ as a button _

_ _ _

32 down – Greeting _ _ _ _ _

[game designer woodsman blond

cute hello]

Okay, “cute” might or might not be

part of the hidden message, but Luke was
blond and he was cute, dammit.

He shivered as if a cold finger had

stroked the back of his neck. There was
absolutely no doubt the message was for
him. Who was doing this?

On the third morning, Luke went for

his walk early and was back home by

seven. He watched through his peephole,
spying on the open-air corridor outside
his door in a vigil that was, frankly,
damned boring. But at 7:20 a.m. a
teenager appeared and lobbed a
newspaper at Luke’s door like he was
pitching the World Series.

Luke opened the door in a flash.

“Hey! You!”

The boy turned and eyed Luke

warily, as if he might dance a naked
Macarena at any moment.

“I didn’t order this paper. Why are

you leaving it?”

The kid pulled a piece of paper

from his pocket. “Luke Schumaker, 1750
Wilson Drive, apartment 31C?”

“That’s me.”
“You have a subscription. It started

a few days ago.”

“Who signed me up for it?”
The kid shrugged. “Dunno. Call the

paper, I guess.”

Luke did and was patched through

to the newspaper’s subscription hotline.
His daily delivery was a gift, paid in
advance for three months. No, they
couldn’t tell him who ordered it,
because the gifter had checked the
“anonymous” box. Company policy.

Luke hung up the phone. A slow

grin spread over his face, and his gamer
mind rubbed its hands together with
villainous glee. Oh, this? This was
excellent. He ripped off a piece of

notepaper and started making a plan.

There were two possibilities as

Luke saw it. “A. Ecrivain” was either
someone who lived in the complex or
someone he’d met in town who was
watching him. He couldn’t rule out
women—he didn’t exactly wear a gay
tattoo on his forehead. He drew a line
down the paper. The left side he titled
“The Woodsman” and the right one
“Town.”

On The Woodsman list went:

Judy

Miller—The

complex

manager was a fortysomething smoker
with a voice like Harvey Fierstein. She
said “ain’t” and “yous” a lot. Unlikely.

Mr. Morissey —The groundskeeper

was in his fifties, weathered, married,
and lumberjack straight. Probably not.

Phil—The

maintenance

man

weighed three hundred pounds. He’d
fixed Luke’s showerhead once, but when
Luke cornered him for a chat outside
30A, Phil didn’t seem to recognize him.
It was a big “no” to Phil, then.

His

co-unit

dwellers—They

included a single mother who was
always distracted, a young couple
attending

the

university,

and

a

grandmother who played tennis in hot-
pink sweats. They could safely be ruled
out.

Luke’s

bedroom

window

overlooked the parking lot. He set up his
laptop in there so he could keep an eye

on the comers and goers.

A young woman with red hair and

expensive suits lived in unit 28. She
looked like Pippi Longstocking, if Pippi
had grown up and gotten a law degree.
She never glanced at his building. In
22B were Jock A and Jock B, who never
emerged without sweats and a ball. Jock
A had a girlfriend, and Jock B scratched
his balls in a manner distinctively het.
There was a guy in a wheelchair in the
end unit. He was picked up by a van at
10:00 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
He was cute, if you found librarian-types
cute—which Luke did. But he never
looked in Luke’s direction. A hot,
intellectual-looking yuppie in unit 27
topped Luke’s suspect list for a while.

But one day Luke saw a young woman
with a twin baby stroller emerge from
the same flat. Not gay, then.

I

N

TOWN

,

the only places Luke went to

regularly were the grocery store, a
coffee

shop

called

Diggits,

and

Chumley’s, a gay bar. He usually took
his laptop to Diggits on Wednesday
afternoons and worked there just for a
change of scenery.

He went to Diggits at his usual time

and surreptitiously cased the joint. The
girl behind the counter had blue hair, a
bored attitude, and a nametag that said
“Jazzy.” She’d never even remotely
flirted with him. There was an all-

American busboy, but his eyes were so
dull with disinterest that Luke figured
he’d have to wear a little black dress
and heels to get a reaction. Luke
recognized a few regulars, but none of
them seemed suspicious.

On Friday he hit Chumley’s. He’d

decided when he moved here that he and
Chumley’s should have a distant
relationship. He’d sown his wild oats in
San Francisco—or what passed for wild
oats for a workaholic nerd. Here in the
medium-sized university town of State
College, Pennsylvania, Chumley’s was
the first, and the last, of the gay scene.
Luke was twenty-eight and ready to meet
someone meaningful. He didn’t want a
rep as a man-ho. So he’d gone to

Chumley’s just a few times, when he’d
been bat-shit stir-crazy and horny as a
goat. He’d hooked up twice, but neither
was anything more than a one-night
stand.

Chumley’s was a mix of leather,

business types, and college students. It
was a friendly place that lacked the
feelings of judgment that dogged the San
Fran clubs, where wearing the wrong
shoes could get you treated like pork
rinds at a vegan potluck. Luke drank a
beer and played detective for a while,
but no one was ringing any bells on the
suspect hotline.

He got a bit distracted by the heated

glances of a man wearing a black leather
jacket and a tight white T-shirt. His face

was rough but attractive. Luke tried to
come up with a good reason for him to
be a suspect. But no, it was impossible
to see Biker Boy with a dictionary,
except possibly as a doorstop.

Then again, there were more things

in life than finding his secret admirer.

An hour later, Luke found himself

giggling his way up the stairs to his
apartment with “James” in tow. The sex
was fine, if perfunctory. The lonely
stillness of his apartment after James left
was depressing. It made Luke realize
how unlikely it was that he’d attracted
the attention of anyone with substance at
Chumley’s. There were too many
fishermen there and too much bait for
any one small fry to make an impression.

Enigma 3, Luke 0.

Saturday and Sunday Luke did the

crosswords by “A Ecrivain” with
anticipation, but he found no secret
message. Then Monday’s edition came.

1 across – Gospel writer _ _

_ _

10 across – RV date? _ _ _ _

_ _

18 down – Fish Fri _ _ _ _ _ _

19 across – Time for bed _ _

_ _ _

20 across – He has less fun _

_ _ _ _ _

20 down – Two-wheeler _ _

_ _ _

35 across – A lonely feeling

_ _ _

[Luke hookup Friday night brunet

biker sad]

Luke stared at the paper. Suddenly

the game wasn’t funny anymore. He’d
been watched—or at least seen—the
night he brought James home. That was
both creepy and made him feel squicky,
like he’d cheated on someone and been
caught. But he hadn’t even met A.
Ecrivain yet!

Luke tried to focus on work, but the

crossword puzzle would float to his
mind every so often and bring with it an
awful feeling. He told himself he didn’t
care. But he did. The lure of the puzzle
had been great, the cleverness of it. And

the fact that someone would do this for
him and publish it in a national paper
was so, well, flattering.

It had made him feel anticipation

and… hope. He hated that.

L

UKE

was

not

surprised

when

Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s papers held
no message. But by the time he’d
finished the Sunday crossword and
found nothing in it, Luke knew he’d been
abandoned. He’d driven off his admirer
with his floozy ways.

Luke wanted to let it go. He

couldn’t.

On Monday morning Luke called

the Examiner and asked for the editor of
the Entertainment section. “Hi. My name
is Luke Schumaker. I’m trying to reach
the person who designs your crossword
puzzles, A. Ecrivain.”

“And why is that?”

Because

they

leave

hidden

messages for me would make Luke
sound like an utter loon. “I’m a game
designer for City Shark Games, and I
thought that maybe he or she would be
interested in doing some work for us.” It
was a lie, but Luke could probably talk
his boss into it, if need be.

“Hmm. I can’t give out that

information. But send me an e-mail and
I’ll forward it to him. Or you can send a
letter to the paper to the attention of ‘A.

Ecrivain.’ Those get sent to him
unopened. He often gets fan mail and
reader suggestions.”

Him.

The

crossword

puzzle

designer was a him. Luke felt a flush of
hope again. Thing was a damned
nuisance.

“Awesome. Thanks,” Luke said.

“I’ll send a letter.”

Luke contemplated what to write.

What if crossword puzzle man was
really scary or hideous? The secret
messages

hadn’t

been

blatantly

flirtatious but they weren’t not either.
Finally Luke went with this:

“Dear A.,

I don’t know you but your puzzles

have me dead curious. In fact, you’ve
triggered the dreaded obsessive gamer
in my soul. Can we meet for coffee?
How about Diggits, 6 pm on Wed. the
20th?

Luke Schumaker”

Neutral ground and a tone that

implied nothing beyond inquisitiveness.
Filled with a heady anticipation, Luke
mailed it.

Chapter 2

O

N

W

EDNESDAY

Luke worked through

his day in a rush. In the afternoon he took
a bath and dressed carefully—worn,
tight jeans, hiking boots, and a soft
purple Henley under an open gold-and-
purple plaid flannel shirt.

Okay, maybe he was pushing the

gay woodsy thing a bit far, but he thought
it was hot. Anyway, the gold in the shirt
set off his hair, and that was his finest
asset. It was light honey-gold, stick-
straight, and fell to his midback. He
applied a glossy spray that made it
shine.

He was feeling horny, actually, as

if his body was expecting something a
lot more intense than the casual coffee
date his brain had in mind. His palms
were damp with nerves and excitement.
He couldn’t seem to help himself. He
prayed he wasn’t in for a huge
disappointment.

He arrived at Diggits at five, got a

coffee, and took a seat. He opened up his
laptop and surfed the web. He nervously
studied everyone who came in the door.
No one looked his way.

By six fifteen, Luke figured he’d

been stood up. By six forty-five he was
sure of it.

It was probably for the best. There

was no way the reality could ever have
lived up to his stupid romantic ideas.

The game was over.

Luke went up to the counter to drop

a tip in the jar and saw an envelope
propped up against it. On the front was
scrawled “Luke Schumaker.”

“Hey!” Luke grabbed the attention

of the blue-haired barista. “Do you know
who left this here?”

Jazzy looked at it and shrugged.

“No idea. But it’s been sitting there
since this morning. Is that you?”

Luke nodded, his mouth dry.
“Good. It would have gotten tossed

by closing time.”

Luke took the envelope and went

back to his abandoned seat. He slowly
took off his coat. Inside the envelope

was a crossword puzzle. It was marked
on grid paper with the clues hand-
written on the left, and at the bottom, it
was signed “A. Ecrivain.” This must be
how his admirer submitted puzzles to the
paper. But this one, Luke knew, was just
for him.

Fucking awesome.
With

a

dizzying

sense

of

anticipation, Luke began working the
puzzle.

1 across – A measure _ _ _ _
10 across – Where Sherlock

lives minus two

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
11 down – This evening _ _ _

_ _ _ _

21 across – Be-, Out-, or In-

_ _ _ _

21 down – ___ the hill _ _ _ _
23 across – Without _ _ _ _
25 across – Mobile on Mars

_ _ _ _ _

[Unit twenty-one B tonight. Come

over sans Rover.]

Luke tossed down his pencil and

stared at the words with delight. He
laughed aloud. “Holy shit.”

“You’re having way too much fun

over there,” Jazzy said dryly. “I may
have to call the vice squad.” But she
smiled.

Luke felt positively giddy. He

stuffed his pen back into his laptop case

and his arms into his coat. “Hey, make
me a coffee to go, will ya?”

“I live. To serve,” Jazzy said

robotically.

He waited while she made it and

took it from her with a wink. “Hot date,”
he said.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Jazzy gave him a wary look. “Which
leaves out, basically, farm animals.”

“You’re

baaaad,”

Luke

said,

mimicking a goat.

Jazzy laughed. Luke walked on air

all the way to his car.

L

UKE

stood outside unit 21. It was the

end unit in the complex. Apartment B
was downstairs on the right and had a
perfect view of the trail up Henneman
Hill. Luke knew in his bones this was it.
And he had a feeling he knew who lived
here. He hesitated for a long moment,
trying to work up his nerve and giving
himself a silent lecture on how this was
just a friendly thing, and really, it didn’t
matter. It didn’t matter at all, dammit.

He knocked on the door.
The door opened, pulling back

slowly. At the door was the guy in the
wheelchair Luke had seen from his
window. He was… wow… still a
librarian-type close-up but so much
cuter than he’d looked from afar. He
appeared to be around Luke’s age, and

his eyes were big, brown, and intelligent
behind the glasses.

Luke’s heart flopped over in his

chest like Trevor collapsing after a
tiring run. It felt suspiciously like
offering up his belly in surrender.

He held out the paper cup. “Hi. I

picked you up a two percent latte,
unflavored. I figured it was the least
likely to offend or cause a deadly
allergic reaction.”

The man reached for the cup, then

dropped his hand with a blush. “I’d
better wheel myself inside before I take
it. Would you like to come in?”

Gee, way to go Luke. First thing

you do is offer a guy who needs both
hands to wheel his chair a steaming hot

beverage.

“Sure,” Luke said, feeling like an

idiot.

“I’m Alex Shaw, by the way.” The

man held out a hand and gave him a
smile.

“Luke Schumaker. I, uh, guess you

already knew that.”

Alex’s hand was a bit calloused.

His grip was nice, firm but with soft
skin. His palm was a little bit damp like
Luke’s was. Luke didn’t let go at once,
and neither did Alex. Alex’s eyes looked
steadily into his. They were open and
friendly but shy. Luke found himself
getting warm.

“Come on in,” Alex repeated,

dropping his hand.

“Thanks,” Luke said, thinking, Dear

Lord, I am way too worked up over this.

Alex wheeled himself into the

living room and Luke followed. The
room was neat and homey, with a
canvas-covered couch, a navy plaid
recliner, and a large TV. A round, knotty
pine dining room table with four chairs
and navy cushions sat in the dining nook.
A desk loomed in front of a window—a
window that overlooked the trail up
Henneman Hill. Every inch of the walls
was covered with bookcases.

Alex stopped near the couch. Luke

handed him the coffee with a sheepish
smile. Feeling ridiculously anxious, he
went to look out the window by the desk.

“It’s all making sense to me now,”

Luke teased.

“Yes, you’ve found me. Your

stalker. I hope I didn’t freak you out too
badly.”

Luke shrugged. “It’s been fun.”
“I noticed you walking your dog—

well, obviously. I wasn’t sure how
to….” Alex seemed flustered. “What’s
his name? Your dog.”

“Trevor.”
“Ah. It looks fun, taking a hike in

the mornings. Do you go all the way to
the top?”

Yeah, I like to top , almost,

horrifyingly, came out of Luke’s mouth.
But Alex didn’t know his sense of humor
yet, and that would be bad. Luke cleared

his throat. “Yeah. It’s a nice view.”

“I’m sure. Three miles a day—

that’s a decent workout.”

Luke wanted to ask if Alex ever

hiked, but obviously not. And then he
wanted to say something about working
out, but that felt like a minefield, too.
God, when had he ever been this tongue-
tied?

Alex seemed to read his mind. “I

hike sometimes. There’re handicap-
accessible trails, and I have a fat-tire
chair for rugged terrain. I like getting
out.”

“That’s great,” Luke said, oh so

brilliantly. Sheesh, he was going down
in flames.

“I asked Mrs. Miller about you, and

she said you were a game designer and
that you worked from home. So I thought
the puzzles would be an… interesting
way to introduce myself.”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘interesting’,”

Luke said.

“Oh?” Alex looked disappointed.
“Outrageous, maybe. Strange—in a

good way. Insane. Clever. Cool. Classy.
Scary, a bit. Possibly playful. Still
thinking about that one.” Romantic, Luke
added in his head. Hot.

“That’s… a lot of adjectives.”
“I’m generous that way. I buy

adjectives in bulk from Amazon, so I can
afford to be.” Luke inwardly cheered

that his brain had finally decided to
show up for this conversation. “What
would you have done if I didn’t like
crossword puzzles?”

“Guess I’d resort to bumping into

you in the parking lot. Not nearly as…
classy though.”

Luke laughed. “I see we have a

winner from the adjectives list.” Feeling
a bit more comfortable, he walked to the
sofa but hesitated.

Alex grimaced. “Geez. Sorry. I

haven’t even asked you to sit down.
Would you like to take off your coat?”

Luke did. He unzipped his jacket

and pulled it off, leaning over to place it
neatly on the end of the couch. Mrs.
Schumaker hadn’t raised no hoodlums.

So far, Alex had acted casual, like

it was all just a friendly thing. But there
was no mistaking the hunger Luke caught
on Alex’s face as he straightened up.
Luke’s body responded immediately
with a warm, lazy roll in his lower
abdomen. He smoothed down the sides
of his flannel shirt, making sure it was
open enough to offer a decent view of
his lean, Henley-clad torso and the
worn, snug denim at his crotch. That
denim was getting a little snugger even
now. He took his time sitting down. By
then, Alex was looking studiously down
at the Diggits cup in his hand, a light-
pink flush on his cheeks. It gave Luke a
chance to stare at him unobserved.

Alex had probably been quite the

twink in his teens, but he looked to be in
his late twenties now and he was a
mature man. Though he was slim, he had
broad shoulders—very broad—and a
long, solid torso. His upper body looked
quite fit under his soft red chamois shirt.
Luke’s eyes glanced toward a set of free
weights in the corner of the room. They
weren’t dust-covered, like his own.
Alex definitely worked out. He was
wearing jeans over slim hips and had
legs that were long and too thin
compared to the rest of him.

The cherry red of his shirt looked

really good against his pale skin and his
dark-brown hair. He wore bangs, the
rest of his hair falling to his shoulders. It
was a young look, but his heart-shaped

face was so boyishly cute that it worked
on him. He had a shadow of stubble on
his upper lip and the tip of his chin, but
the rest was baby smooth. His lips were
full and wide, the upper one with a sexy
curve. But his best feature was behind
those glasses: big brown eyes with long,
thick lashes.

Luke had always been an eye man,

and Alex’s eyes were the kind that did
things to Luke’s nether regions when
they looked straight at him, especially
when they held the desire he’d seen a
moment ago. As fleeting as it had been,
it had still made Luke want things that
were in no way platonic, or even
possible

without

some

rigging,

Astroglide, and an on-site physician.

“Is that what you do for a living?

Design crossword puzzles?”

Alex nodded, smiling. “I do a daily

for ten papers and a Sunday for three
others. I also do puzzles for Dell—
cryptograms and logic puzzles mostly.
None of it pays much, really, but
altogether I scrape by.”

“That’s epic.” Alex grinned. “I

know lots of computer game designers,
but I’ve never met a pencil puzzle type.”

Alex gave a forbearing sigh. “Yes,

we Luddites are a dying breed. I think
I’m the only crossword puzzle designer
on the planet who’s under sixty. Who
wants to do a cryptogram when you can
shoot aliens with a joystick?”

“Me. Or I should say, I like them

all. There’s a simplicity to a crossword,
kind of like cozying up on a rainy day
with Agatha Christie. Not the woman, of
course. She’d be a bit skeletal by now.
But one of her books.”

“Yeah.” Alex’s smile was wide

and genuine. “I feel that way about text
adventures—you know—‘Go north’,
‘There’s a castle in front of you. The
guard calls, ‘Halt!’.’’ Now games have
so many high-end graphics that it’s easy
to lose sight of the core fun.”

“That’s true. Every once in a while

I still like to play a text adventure.
Honestly, I envy you. You design a
puzzle and it’s out within days. It must
be nice not having to work with a team
of thirty people for two years just to get

something published.”

“Does it really take two years?”

Alex asked, curious. “I’d like to hear
about it.”

So they talked shop. Luke talked

about the process of game design and
what it was like working with artists,
voice-over

actors,

deadlines,

and

producers. Alex talked about how many
puzzles he had to crank out in a week
just to keep up with bills, about how
he’d gotten started, and where he got his
inspiration.

Luke made Alex laugh. Often. He

looked really, really good when he
laughed. The word that came to mind
was pure, like joy or a ray of sunshine.
Though where a thought that dorky and

romantic had come from, Luke wasn’t
sure.

When Alex stifled a yawn, Luke

checked his phone and realized that it
was after eleven. He finished off the
beer Alex had offered him and set it on
the end table. “God, you greedy
bastard,” he joked. “You kept me here
for four hours. I should go so you can get
some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Alex insisted with

a shake of his head. But just as he
finished saying it, he yawned again.

“Yeah, I can see that. Wiiiide

awake.”

“Well,

damn.”

Alex

grinned

sleepily. “So much for my effort to

disguise my pathetically boring lifestyle.
You’ve caught me out. This is my usual
bedtime.”

“Nothing inherently boring about

bedtime,” Luke said with a raised
eyebrow.

Alex blushed. He opened his mouth

to say something—maybe, hopefully, to
flirt back—but he seemed too shy to get
out anything of the sort. Or anything out
at all.

“Well, good-night.” Luke stood up

and pulled out his phone. “Texting
would probably be faster than sticking
messages in a crossword puzzle. Though
not as much fun. What’s your number?”
Alex gave it to him without hesitation.
Luke punched it in and sent him a quick

text. Across the room, a phone buzzed.
“There,

now

we’re

practically

engaged.”

“You’re very trusting with your

stalker,” Alex said.

“Oh, but my stalker is clever. He’d

have gotten it anyway.” Then Luke
decided to take a chance. “Besides, he’s
pretty cute.”

Alex’s smile fled, his face falling

into a confused frown. “You… shouldn’t
tease me, Luke.”

“I’m not,” Luke said softly. “Good-

night, Alex.”

He let himself out.

Chapter 3

L

UKE

could not stop thinking about

Alex. He didn’t hear from him on
Thursday or Friday, and there was
nothing in the crosswords. And that was
fine. He didn’t want to push, and frankly,
he needed some time to process.

He liked Alex. He was intelligent

and funny, seemed honest and kind, and
they had a lot in common. And that was
all very well and good. But there was
more to it, and that more was disturbing.

Luke had a strange lump in his

chest. There was a kind of brink-of-a-
cliff momentousness to the situation with
Alex that he’d never felt with a guy

before. In fact, the closest thing he’d
ever felt to it was the day he’d accepted
his first job as a game designer, his
dream job since the age of eight. That
day he’d had an almost out-of-body
sense of relief and joy that translated
roughly to Yeah, this is my future; I
made it. I managed not to fuck it up.
Thank you, God.

He didn’t understand why he would

feel something like that about Alex. It
couldn’t be real. It was like seeing
someone in the street that you think is a
long-lost loved one, only to have them
turn around and reveal themselves a
stranger. Alex was a stranger.

And then there was the chair. They

hadn’t talked about it, but it was

obviously a long-term thing, not a
temporary injury. Alex was independent.
He’d made it through college—Masters
in English, he’d said—and lived alone,
and Luke admired that. But what about…
relationships? Sex? There was a sweet,
vulnerable innocence about Alex that
Luke found really, really attractive. But
the man was twenty-eight and blushingly
shy. Was he a virgin? Was he even
physically capable of… of not being a
virgin?

Luke knew he hadn’t misread the

look of hunger on Alex’s face as he’d
removed his coat. Alex was capable of
lust, and he liked Luke. But how far was
he able to go physically? And did he
even want to share himself like that?

And what if he did? Could Luke

handle a relationship with a man in a
wheelchair?

Luke searched his gut for some kind

of ick response or reluctance to go there.
But each time he thought of Alex, all he
could

remember

was

their

easy

conversation, the way Alex laughed, the
look of his upper body in that red shirt,
those wide, sensual lips. Those eyes.
What he was sitting in just didn’t seem
to matter much to Luke’s body. Or his
heart.

When he hadn’t heard from Alex by

Saturday noon, Luke decided to call.
“Hi, Alex. It’s Luke.”

“That’s what my phone says. But

then, you high-tech types are used to all

these fancy devices.”

“Um. Yeah. But it’s the add-on

vibrator alerts that are really hip. I can
score you some if you want.”

Alex laughed. “I love the way you

drag my mind right into the gutter.”

His voice was low and sexy, and

Luke felt a tugging in his groin. No, there
was no mistaking where this was
headed. Thank God.

“Hey, Sunday is supposed to be in

the mere eighties for a change. I thought
you might like to get out of the house.”

“Um… sure.” Alex sounded a bit

hesitant.

“You

mentioned

handicap-

accessible trails. Do you have a
favorite? I’ve Googled some we could

try if you don’t have a preference.”

“You did? That’s… nice of you.”

Alex sounded surprised.

“Well, despite what you might have

read on the bathroom walls around here,
I’m a pretty decent sort.”

“You’re right, that’s not what they

write about you on bathroom walls,”
Alex teased. “But getting back to
outdoor activities, there’s a nice rail
trail in Luzerne. I try to hit it a few times
a year, but it’s probably not all that
exciting for you. It’s a flat out-and-back,
and it’s a two and a half hour drive to
get there.”

“I don’t mind driving, and flat

works for me. It is August. Don’t want to
overdo the whole sweat thing. Can I

bring Trevor?”

“Yeah! I’d like to meet him. Dogs

are fine there on leash. But… I don’t
have a car.”

“Your chair collapses, right?”
“Yeah.”
“It’ll fit in my back seat, and

Trevor has his own spot in the
hatchback.”

There was a pause. “You’ve

thought this through. I appreciate that.”

Luke felt a tightening in his throat.

Did Alex think his company was so
forgettable

that

it

wasn’t

worth

accommodating something as simple as a
wheelchair? Well, he’d soon learn what
it meant to hang out with a game

designer. When it came to logistics?
Luke was a fucking god.

“How about nine o’clock? We can

do the loop and then grab lunch out.”

“There’s a good diner in Luzerne.

They’ve got a ramp and great burgers.”

“Awesome. I’ll pick you up at your

place tomorrow.”

T

HE

drive to Luzerne was uneventful,

and the hike was perfect. Alex was right;
it was a flat and easy rail trail. But it
went through dense forest and the shade
was pleasant. The sky was a bottomless
royal blue with white fluffy clouds and
the humidity was bearable.

Trevor was a natural with the

wheelchair. He didn’t pull but trotted
along right beside it. And when it came
to Alex, it was love at first sight. Trevor
put his front paws up on Alex’s lap as
soon as Luke let him out of the back, his
tail going nuts and his tongue lolling as
he tried to lick off Alex’s face and neck.

“Trevor!

Get

down!”

Luke

admonished.

“It’s okay. I like it,” Alex said with

a big smile. He rubbed Trevor’s neck
with both hands and leaned forward for
a kiss, pouting his lips.

Lucky damn dog, Luke thought. “So

unhygienic,” he tsked.

Alex arched an eyebrow at him.

“As if you can talk.”

“I mean for him.”
“Ha ha.”
“Come on, mutt. You too, Trevor.”
“Ba-da-bing,” Alex said, faking a

cymbal strike. “He’s gotta million of
’em.”

L

UKE

had figured he’d have to walk

slowly in order for Alex to keep up, but
it was the opposite. Alex had a lot of
strength in his arms, and the chair he’d
brought was sporty and rugged. He
moved fast on the crushed gravel of the
trail. Luke actually had to walk faster
than normal. It made sense once he saw
the chair in motion. It was a bit like a

mountain bike, really, though not as fast
or maneuverable.

“Am I slowing you down, Speedy

Gonzales?” Luke huffed.

Alex chuckled. “I can go faster,

yeah, but that would be beside the point.
It’s great scenery.”

“And heeeere would be a place for

some clichéd innuendo.”

“Come on, you’re not above it.”
“Sadly, true. But then, there’s very

little I’m above.”

“That’s not what I heard.”
“And the cliché-o-meter scores!”
Alex laughed. “Hey, you write

dialogue for those games of yours. I’m
just

the

crossword

puzzle

guy,

remember? You want clever? Go on, ask
me what an anoa is.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense.”
“A small buffalo of the Celebes that

has short, pointed horns.”

“See, if I put a clue like that in one

of my games, I’d be driven from the
industry with whips and scourges.”

“That’s because video gamers have

no patience. Crossword puzzlers love to
be stumped. And they like to learn
ridiculous things that no one in their right
mind would possibly know, just so they
have something to say at cocktail
parties.”

“Yeah, the anoa thing would make a

hell of a pick-up line.”

“It would for female buffalos.”
Luke laughed. “God, you’re as

nerdy as I am.”

“Oh, hell no, California boy. Got

you beat there by a mile.”

“Hey, I was born in Pennsylvania!

Anyway, you haven’t seen my DVD
collection.”

“You haven’t seen my comic

collection.”

Luke stopped and stared at him,

aghast. “No!”

Alex blushed. “Okay, I sold it on

eBay when I needed money for college,
but it was very nerdy.”

Luke didn’t mention he might have

bought some of those comics on eBay.

Some things were just not appropriate to
reveal in the early stages of a
relationship.

They walked to the two-and-a-half

mile marker before Alex wanted to turn
around. Luke was impressed he could
wheel himself five miles. The exertion
brought out the muscle definition under
his fitted T-shirt. His forearms were tan
and thick and strung with healthy veins.
He wore fingerless gloves on his hands
to protect them from the gravel that stuck
to his wheels. Seeing those hands at
work, Luke had to force himself not to
think about what they’d feel like on his
body.

By the time they got back to the car,

Alex was clearly tired, and so was

Trevor. Luke opened the hatchback so
Trevor could jump up, and then he
stretched, pulling his arms behind him.

“Lunch?” he asked. “I could eat a

Holstein.”

“Not vegetarian, then?”
Luke shook himself out and noticed

Alex watching him move. He gave Alex
a wicked grin. “Me? Nah, I like meat.”

Alex both snorted and blushed.

“Does that one go on the cliché-o-meter
or the heat-o-meter?”

“I’m all for multitasking,” said

Luke.

T

HEY

enjoyed a nice lunch at the diner

in Luzerne—a burger and fries for Alex
and a burger and salad for Luke. It
wasn’t a great place to talk. It was
crowded

with

summer

visitors,

including teenagers and kids wearing
shorts and flip-flops, so they kept the
conversation light.

Luke learned Alex had a sister and

parents who lived in Harrisburg, an hour
and a half away. He’d attended the
university in State College and had
never left. He made a light comment
about how the modifications to his
apartment—it had been done over by a
previous wheelchair-bound tenant—
were hard to find elsewhere. He’d been
there six years.

Six years at The Woodsman.

Practically a lifetime, Luke thought.

“So of all the places on earth, how

did you end up in State College?” Alex
asked.

Luke shrugged. “I knew I wanted to

move back to Pennsylvania, but not
where I grew up. Being gay in
Allentown is kind of like being a fish on
the deck of a boat.”

Alex looked out the window but

couldn’t stop the blush that lit up his
cheeks. Cripes, he was adorable. Such
an open book.

Luke leaned in. “You, um, did

know I was gay?” Luke whispered with
a laugh.

“I got that impression, yeah.” Alex

smirked, but when his eyes flicked to

Luke, they held a bewildered longing.
They were quickly redirected to his
fries.

God, what those eyes did to him.

Luke leaned back. “State College is a
liberal university town, it’s got skiing
and hiking, and it’s just big enough not to
be a fishbowl. I know you should have a
better reason than that to move across
the continent to live somewhere, but
damned if I do.”

“I’m not complaining,” Alex said

with a shy smile. “I’m glad you did. So
you don’t have family close by?”

“My sister and my parents are still

in Allentown. It takes me three hours to
drive over there, and that’s close
enough. They’re all fine. They’re okay

with me being out and all, but we don’t
have a lot in common. I mean, we all
breathe oxygen and have this weird cleft
chin thing going on, but that’s about it.”

Alex laughed. “I didn’t know

anyone when I moved to State College
either. But at least I had classes and I
was in a dorm for a few years.”

Luke shrugged, not wanting to

appear like the loner he honestly was.
“I’ve met a few people through a Meetup
hiking group, and I’ve made some
friends around town.”

Alex frowned at that last. He

looked like he wanted to ask something
but didn’t.

Luke realized, belatedly, he was

probably thinking about James, his one-

night stand.

Alex changed the subject. He

started talking cheerfully about some of
the groups and events around town he
thought Luke might enjoy. Luke was
content to just finish his burger and
watch Alex’s expressive face as he
chattered.

I

T

WASN

’

T

until they were in the car on

the way home that Luke finally dared
voice the question he’d wanted to ask all
day.

“So… Alex. Have you ever had a

boyfriend?”

Alex was buckled in snugly in the

passenger seat. He turned his head on the
headrest, looking a bit tired and
temptingly languorous. He gave Luke a
wry look. “So… Luke. Are you asking
me if I’m a virgin?”

“I was thinking it might be relevant,

yeah.” Luke raised a knowing brow.

Alex’s eyes went a little wide. He

swallowed hard. “That’s… good to
know. I’m not.”

“Okay.” Luke waited.
“My senior year of high school I

had a… connection with my English
teacher, Mr. Talbot.”

Luke frowned.
“Nothing happened then. We were

just friendly. But when I was a senior in

college, I got a call from him one day.
All casual, you know? Said he’d be in
town and asked me to meet him for
lunch.”

Luke waited, his hands stiff on the

wheel.

“So long story short, we started an

affair. It lasted about a year.”

“Oh,”

Luke

said.

“So

what

happened?”

Alex laughed. “You mean why did

it end? It’s more like why did it ever
start.” He sighed. “He was married with
two kids. He was thirty-five when we
started up. Totally in the closet. He’d
only ever come to my place, and then it
was in a hoodie and sunglasses, and
he’d park down the street and sneak in. It

was ridiculous.”

“Shit,” Luke said, feeling a surge of

anger. “Asshole. That is so out of line.”

“It’s okay. I’ve promised myself

that I will never again be anyone’s
pathetic little secret. The thing is, I knew
better, even then. But at the time, I….”

Alex’s voice broke a little. Luke

reached over and took his hand. It was
clenched tight, but it opened like a rose
at his touch. They entwined fingers. Alex
looked down at them with a mix of
disbelief and longing on his face. Luke
rubbed his thumb gently over the flesh
between Alex’s finger and thumb. Even
that much contact sent a wave of heat
through Luke’s body. He felt himself
stiffening. Over a touch. Damn.

Alex drew in a ragged breath. “I

was twenty, a virgin, and horny as hell. I
guess… when you’re in a wheelchair,
people don’t see you like that. I just
wanted to know what it felt like to be
desired.”

“I desire you,” Luke said quietly.
Alex stared at him, a look of

surprise and a deep, stricken yearning on
his face. He seemed to battle for words.
“I… God, I desire you, too, Luke. So
much.”

Luke’s cock throbbed at the words,

at the acknowledgement, out in the open
where it couldn’t be taken back and
couldn’t be denied. Their mutual
confession seemed to have quite an
effect on Alex, too, because he squirmed

in his seat, tilted his head back, and
squeezed his eyes shut. He brought their
joined hands up to his chest and rubbed
them over his sternum and then one
nipple, moaning softly. Luke glanced
down and saw a considerable bulge in
Alex’s jeans, and he damn near ran off
the road.

Well, that answered that question,

then. Physically capable. Oh, Christ,
yeah.

Luke yanked his hand away.
Alex looked at him, his face hurt.
“I’m about five seconds away from

pulling this car onto the shoulder,” Luke
said through gritted teeth. “And I believe
what would happen next is illegal in the
fine state of Pennsylvania, not to mention

likely to cause a psychotic break in
women and children unfortunate enough
to drive by.”

“Right. How much farther is it?”

Alex panted.

Luke glanced at the GPS on the

dash.

“Twenty fucking minutes,” he

growled.

Alex heaved a breath and then sat

up and smiled brightly. “Music?”

“Hell, yes,” Luke said.
Alex plugged in his iPod.

W

HEN

they drove into the complex, it

was dusk. Luke pulled up to Alex’s
door. He got out and went around and

took Alex’s chair out, opening it up. He
held it steady while Alex swung himself
into it.

“Lemme drop off Trevor and take a

quick shower,” Luke said. “Then I’ll
come over?”

Alex nodded. “Okay.”
Luke was mightily tempted to lean

down and kiss him, but he knew if he
did, he’d never make it back to his
place. So instead he smiled tightly and
went back to the driver’s seat. He
watched to make sure Alex got inside
okay.

Luke fed Trevor and jumped into

the shower. He was hard as a rock, and
it felt like he’d been hard forever. It
hurt. He ignored it and washed quickly.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Alex,
about how he’d looked in the passenger
seat when he’d thrown back his head and
moaned. I desire you, too. So much.
Luke wanted to see that again, only next
time naked and underneath him.

He was not doing his aching balls

any favors with this line of thought.

He threw on a pair of soft gray

sweats and a T-shirt, pulled on a jacket,
and left.

A moment later, Alex answered his

knock. He’d showered too, and his dark
hair was still damp. He wasn’t wearing
his glasses. In fact, all he was wearing
were flannel PJ bottoms. Flannel! He
was magnificent. His skin was pale and
soft-looking in the glow of the porch

light. His arms, shoulders, and chest
were muscled, beautifully rounded, and
cut. He had a long, flat belly with a
muscle band that was so delectable Luke
stopped breathing. If this were a cartoon,
he’d be the basset hound detective with
eyes popping out of his head and his
tongue hanging to his toes.

Alex was staring at him just as

hungrily. Neither one of them moved.

Then Luke realized he was still

outside, which wasn’t doing anybody a
damn bit of good. He took a step inside
and slammed the door shut behind him.

“Tell me how we do this,” Luke

said. “Because I’m about to climb into
that chair, and I’d say the odds of that
panning out are zero to none.”

“Sofa,” Alex said.
He turned the chair on a dime and

headed for the living room. Luke
followed and watched as Alex drew his
chair alongside the sofa in one smooth
move and swung himself out onto it. He
pushed the chair away impatiently and
brought his legs up with his hands so he
could recline.

“Better?” Alex said with a grin.
“Much.”
Luke ripped off his jacket and then

pulled his shirt over his head. He paused
to relish one more look before placing a
knee on the sofa and lowering himself
onto Alex.

Alex’s face, as Luke came down,

twisted into a mask of blatant want. He
reached up his arms and pushed up his
hips to meet him. “Luke, please.”

“Fuck,” Luke breathed. Alex was

so sweet and eager, and it was turning
him on like nothing ever had.

His lips met Alex’s for the first

time. They were already parted and
hungry, sucking and nibbling; the tip of
his tongue felt hot and slick. They kissed
like that for several breath-stealing
moments, and then Alex laved the flat of
his tongue against Luke’s lips in a move
that spoke directly to his cock.

Luke moaned and let his weight

settle down. Alex’s chest was warm and
firm against his bare skin. It felt like hot
silk—electrified hot silk, because every

place it touched set his skin alight. And
farther down, Luke’s cock pulsed
lovingly into that sweet band of muscle
between Alex’s navel and his—

Luke broke the kiss. “Mother of

God! Is that the Empire State Building in
your pants, or are you just glad to see
me? What the hell are you packing?”

Alex giggled and squirmed. “I

believe it’s known colloquially as a
cock. Though I know at least another
twenty terms for it if you’re interested.”

“Like ‘Godzilla’ maybe? Let me

see this thing.”

As hot as it was to kiss Alex, Luke

really, really had a thing for cocks, and
this one felt incredibly promising. He sat
up on his knees, poised between Alex’s

legs, and tried to undo the tie on his PJ
bottoms.

“Oh God, Luke!” Alex groaned,

pressing his hips up urgently. “Don’t
tease me!”

“I’m trying! What are you, trying to

keep out a Boy Scout troop with this
knot?”

“Oh, that’s been stuck for years.

Just pull ’em down. Or rip them off. I
don’t really give a—”

Luke yanked them down. What

sprung up would have made a porn star
weep with envy. It had to be at least nine
inches, fully erect, and heavy as lead.

“Marry me,” Luke whispered in

awe.

Alex half giggled, half panted.

“Ass! Don’t just look at it. It’s been four
years. Do something!”

A half-dozen possibilities ran

through Luke’s mind, but in the end, he
just had to taste it. He wrapped one hand
around the base and the other cradled
Alex’s sack. He lowered his mouth to
run his tongue over the tip. He paused,
glancing up at Alex to make sure it was
all right. Well no, honestly, it was just to
watch him squirm a little more. He was
so fucking cute when he squirmed.

Alex was looking down at him with

wide eyes and parted lips. He did
indeed squirm and then he whimpered
and slowly thrust up his hips. There was
no resisting that move. Luke growled
hungrily and licked, swirling his tongue

around the head, and then licking base to
crown before taking the top four inches
into his mouth and sucking, his tongue
running up and down the frenulum.

“Ugh,” Alex grunted, tossing back

his head and closing his eyes. “Oh, fuck
yes.”

Lord, he was pretty and so, so

sensitive. Luke felt his own need rage
even as he began working on Alex,
moving his mouth up and down his
length while twisting his hand on the
lower portion, sucking and stroking,
making greedy little noises.

“Mmmm, Luke. Yes, like that,”

Alex sobbed, lost in pleasure. His hands
came to Luke’s head. But instead of
holding or pulling, he only rubbed the

long, silken hair between his fingertips,
as if the texture itself was arousing.

Luke remembered the car, how

Alex had rubbed their hands over his
nipple. He ran the hand that wasn’t
working Alex’s cock up over that lovely
belly and onto his chest. He found a
nipple and lightly pinched it.

Alex arched his back and let out a

gurgled cry. “Ah! I’m close. Sorry, but I
—”

Luke pulled off to speak. “You are

so freaking hot. Come for me. I want to
see it.”

Alex took a deep breath and

nodded. Then he took another deep
breath and another, while Luke sucked
him harder and faster, tugging on his

nipple. And then Alex arched his back in
a way that almost didn’t look human,
groaned low in his ribcage, and came.

F

IVE

minutes later Alex blinked and

opened his eyes. “Am I still alive? I
thought I’d died and gone to heaven.”

Luke was lying on top of him,

holding some of his weight on his
elbows, kissing and licking at Alex’s
chest like it was a Popsicle.

“Killing you would be against my

best interests,” Luke said, pushing his
cock gently into Alex’s thigh.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry. C’mere.”
Luke shifted up enough to kiss him.

Yes, Alex’s mouth really was as heady
as he’d remembered, warm and slick
with the perfect amount of tongue and
suction,

sweetness,

and

filthiness

combined.

“You kiss like a spawn of Satan,”

Luke murmured. “I love it.”

Alex wrapped his arms around

Luke’s waist and hugged him tight.
“What do you want, Luke? Do you want
to… have me? You can.”

“Well, that’s quite forward for our

first date.”

Alex snickered. “That’s me. Mr.

Forward.”

Luke nibbled at his delectable lips.

“I think we’d need to have the whole
top/bottom

discussion

before

that,

prenups, living wills, air vac’d supplies,
et cetera. Don’t think I can wait that
long.” Luke rubbed his erection against
Alex’s belly. “I’ve been hard since
Luzerne, and it’s about to fall off.”

“Poor baby,” Alex crooned. “Shall

I kiss it and make it better?” He started
wiggling his way down Luke’s body.
“Here, put your knees on the outside of
my hips.” Luke complied, and Alex
wiggled down between them like a
bionic inchworm.

“You’re awfully mobile on this

couch.”

“My hips are perfectly functional.”
“I’ll say.”
Luke’s mouth was promptly shut by

the feel of Alex—his tongue, flat and

very long—licking up his sternum. Alex
wiggled some more, reapplying that able
muscle just above Luke’s navel and
licking obscene swirls on Luke’s tummy.
His cock throbbed in desperate appeal.

“You have— ah!—a very long

tongue.”

“It runs in my appendages” came

Alex’s muffled reply.

Luke stifled a whimper at that, and

at the feel of Alex’s wet tongue circling
his navel. He felt the head of his cock
paint moisture along Alex’s throat.

Luke gasped. “Not to rush you or

anything, but did I mention the ‘hard
since Luzerne’ thing?”

Alex chuckled. “So impatient.” But

he shimmied down a little more and

then….

“Holy fuck!” Luke breathed.
He was engulfed in a wet heat that

was at once tugging and tickling and
laving and sucking. He had never felt
anything quite like it, and he had to look
down to where he was holding himself
up off the sofa just to confirm that it was,
in fact, Alex’s mouth.

“What the hell are you doing to

me?” Luke groaned, like he was dying.

Alex stopped and tilted his head

back to look up at him. “Is it not okay?”

“What the hell are you doing

stopping?”

Alex smiled and went back to it.
In his braced-up position, it was

almost impossible to not thrust, and he

tried it, gently, being sent mad by the
sensations on his cock. Alex took it in
stride and in fact seemed to like it, if the
hands he placed on Alex’s hips to urge
him forward were any indication.

Luke closed his eyes, focusing all

his senses on the unbelievable pleasure
he felt slipping in an out of that warm
mouth that was all tongue and lips and
perfect amount of pressure and suction
and absolute, freaking debauchery.

His orgasm took him by surprise.

There was no way in hell he could stop
it. “Coming,” he whispered.

Alex moaned his approval and

pulled him in deep, sucking hard. He
stayed with Luke through his long,
wracking shudders and didn’t let go until

Luke was too sensitive to bear it
anymore.

Luke finally collapsed, aiming to

land beside Alex instead of on top of
him and making a half-assed job of it.
Alex pulled a few stuck limbs free and
squirmed his way back up Luke’s body.

Luke managed to raise one eyelid.

“That was the best blowjob ever.”

“Really?” Alex seemed quite

pleased.

“Um-hmm. It was an eleven.” He

allowed his heavy eyelids to close.
“Though I think you could work up to a
twelve with a little practice. Or a lot of
practice. I’m self-sacrificing that way.”

“Big of you.”
“The cliché-o-meter just jumped,

and I didn’t even say anything,” Luke
muttered tiredly.

“Yes, I heard it, too. Are you

hungry? We could order a pizza.”

“Pizza and burgers in the same day.

We could fry up a pound of bacon while
we wait for delivery. Crack a pint of
Ben and Jerry’s and pour some butter on
it.”

“Do you always talk this much

when you’re falling asleep? You’re
practically snoring between words.”

“I talk in my sleep, too. So it never

ends really.”

“I knew there was a reason I bought

those earplugs,” Alex said.

Chapter 4

L

UKE

knew it was setting a dangerous

precedent not to go home that night, but
he really liked holding Alex and he
felt… good there. It felt right. So when
Alex invited, Luke followed him into the
bedroom and stayed. When he woke up,
it was early morning. Alex was already
awake, looking out the window at a
dismal downpour, his eyes vacant.

“Gee, that rain looks treacherous.

Guess Trevor will have to wait ’til it
clears,” Luke said dryly. He pulled
Alex’s back against his chest.

“Muddy ground, accidents happen,”

Alex agreed. “Best not to risk it.” Even

though he was joking, his smile was sad.

“What are you thinking about?”
It took a moment for Alex to

answer. “I was thinking about Billy.”

“The kid? The goat?”
Alex chuckled. “No, Billy Smith.

He’s in my Wheels and Meals group.
We get together once a month at
someone’s house and have a potluck.”

“Sounds like a scream. So what

about Billy Smith from Wheels and
Meals?”

Alex hesitated to answer. He was

playing his fingers over Luke’s forearm
as it lay against his waist. Luke told
himself it was silly to feel jealous, but
he could tell there was something about
this story that bothered Alex.

“Billy is a really sweet kid. He’s

twenty and he has cerebral palsy. He
hasn’t got it that bad yet, but he’s a little
twisted to one side and has tremors. The
thing is, he really likes me. Imagines
himself in love with me, in fact. But I
could just never find him attractive.”

“So? You’re allowed.”
“I know.” Alex sighed deeply.

“But… I hurt him. I figure someday my
payback will come, you know? Karma.
It’s a bitch.”

“Hey. What do you mean?” Luke

pressed softly.

Alex shifted his head to meet

Luke’s eyes. “He wasn’t good enough
for me, right? And I’m not good enough
for… a lot of people. It’s all like a

hundred-layer cake, isn’t it? This guy
over here is at tier twenty, and this other
guy is at tier fifteen, and ne’er the twain
shall meet. And sometimes a tier twenty
might dabble with a tier eighteen for a
bit, but the tier eighteen is in for it
eventually. Because that’s how it works.
Everyone wants something better than
themselves or at least the equivalent. It’s
human nature.”

“What are you talking about?” Luke

said, getting a little bit angry at what the
closed-off look in Alex’s eyes was
implying. He sat up.

“Look, it’s at least ten points off for

the chair. I know that,” Alex insisted.

“Jesus Christ.”
Alex pinched his lips together so

hard they were white, as if trying to take
the words back. “Sorry… I. Don’t listen
to me. I can’t help it. You know, logic
puzzle guy. I think about these things.”

Luke huffed.
“You’re just so… attractive and

smart. You could date anyone.” Alex’s
expression was sad and shut-off and
goddamn resigned. “Like that guy you
brought home that one night. The biker.
He was hot.”

Something twisted in Luke’s chest.

“That’s why you stopped sending me
puzzles, isn’t it?”

Alex shrugged. “You could have

anyone.”

The idea that Alex had been

watching out his window, saw him with
that meaningless one-night stand, and
had, in that moment, given up trying to
contact him, that they might never have
connected…. Well, that just really
sucked. And Luke didn’t like the
darkness dragging Alex down. He
responded the only way he knew how—
with humor.

“Are you kidding me? I think you

need a new eyeglass prescription. I am a
total computer-science nerd.”

“I thought we’d established that

we’re both nerds. Besides, your hair
alone could win you a prince.” Alex
tugged on Luke’s long yellow locks.

“It’s true, I do have righteous hair,”

Luke agreed archly. “But half of that is

down to product. And anyway, look at
you!” Luke waved his hand at Alex’s
upper body. The sheet was down to his
waist and the glory that was a mature
twink’s iron-pumped, smooth-skinned,
chiseled-abs torso was arrayed in all its
glory. “I’m like Stan the Stick Man
compared to you! You have a rack!”

Alex looked down at himself. “I do

not have a rack. Women have racks.”

“You have a rack, Alex. Let’s be

honest here. And let’s not forget this
force of nature.” Luke squeezed the
sizeable bulge under the sheet. “You’ve
got at least two inches in length and a
good

inch

circumference

on

my

admittedly impressive member. It’s a
well-known fact that in the gay world

every inch counts as a tier level, so
that’s three tiers on me right there.”

Alex was trying hard to hang on to

his sour face, but he was fighting with
giggles now. “You are insane.”

“Yeah, well, we haven’t gotten to

the worst of it yet… you haven’t seen my
feet!”

Alex propped himself up to look

down the bed, where Luke’s legs were
tangled in the sheets. “Well, come on,
then. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

“First you must don the protective

goggles,” Luke said seriously.

“Luke!”
“Very well. But don’t say I didn’t

warn you.” Luke whipped back the sheet

to show his naked toes.

Alex stared. “They are a bit hobbit-

like.”

“Told you.”
“But they’re certainly not worth a

chair. At least you can cover them up
most of the time.”

“Ah, but you haven’t seen me eat

with them.”

Alex gasped and nearly choked.

“God, no! Okay, you’re right, you win.
You are at a lower tier than me.”

“Actually, I can’t eat with them,”

Luke admitted. “I can hold a fork with
my toes, at least I could once, but I’m not
flexible enough to get it to my mouth. I
tried when I was twelve. I’d just seen

Freaks.”

“You have no filter. None.” Alex

fell back onto the pillow and covered
his face with his hands, gasping with
laughter.

“That’s true. It’s a design flaw.

Dings me at least two tiers.”

Alex’s hands stayed over his face,

his shoulders shaking. At first, Luke
thought he was still laughing, but when it
didn’t stop, he realized something was
wrong.

“Hey, Alex?” he asked softly,

trying

to

pull

his

hands

away.

“Everything okay?”

Alex wiped his eyes, which were

red and wet. He took a deep, shaky

breath. “You’re so goddamn nice to me.
I can’t figure out where you came from,”
he said earnestly.

“Um… I’m the guy you seduced

using crossword puzzles? You should
really have that memory of yours tested.”
Luke gently tapped on Alex’s forehead.

“Are you ever serious? What I’m

trying to say is, I… I don’t want to get
used to you.”

Luke nodded thoughtfully. “Okay.”
Alex sighed. “What a stupid thing

to say. What does that even mean?”

“Listen, I like you and you like me,

and I’m particularly fond of having sex
with you, so why don’t we just see how
it goes?”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, taking a

calming breath. He smiled. “What were
you just saying about sex?” He pulled
Luke down into a kiss. His mouth was
hot and salty from the tears, and he
kissed with a desperate passion that had
Luke hard in about five seconds.

“Are you ready again? You slut.”

Luke teased as he broke away to nuzzle
into Alex’s neck.

“Mmm. Said the man whose hard-

on is poking me in the stomach.”

“Oh, I’m definitely a slut.”
“Good. Because there’s an excess

three inches over here with your name
on it.”

“Mine,” Luke growled, rolling

Alex onto his back.

Chapter 5

S

EPTEMBER

and October went by

quickly. At first, Luke tried to play it a
little cool, he really did. But Alex’s face
would light up so goddamn sweetly
when he came over, and Luke soon
stopped pretending Alex’s apartment
wasn’t exactly where he wanted to be.
Alex had never been to his place
because he was on the upper level, and
steep concrete steps were the only way
to get there. Besides, Alex’s apartment
was outfitted with everything he needed
to get by—an extrawide shower with
bars, a low counter and sink in the
kitchen, and pull-down cabinets. It

became routine that Luke would work all
day at his own place and then spend the
night at Alex’s. He started bringing
Trevor along so the poor dog didn’t
have to be alone. Trevor accepted the
rug next to Alex’s bed as his spot with
only a few doggie grumbles.

Sometimes Alex

would

cook

something simple like spaghetti, and
sometimes Luke would pick up take-out.
As the fall progressed, it got dark earlier
and earlier, so they didn’t get out much.
Sometimes they read—Alex preferred
real books, while Luke was always on
his iPad. Sometimes they played games.
And sometimes they watched movies,
alternating between Alex’s collection
and Luke’s.

Most of the time, they never made it

all the way through whatever it was they
were doing. Because when Alex was
sitting on the couch with Luke, he was
just so cute and solid and warm, and it
was impossible for Luke not to touch
him, to put an arm around his shoulders
or a hand on his leg or run fingers
through his hair. That would inevitably
spark a slow burn in a pair of brown
eyes. Alex would stroke Luke’s hand
with a finger, or turn to kiss his cheek
and linger, exhaling softly. And then
Luke would be right there, totally turned
on, and he’d have to taste Alex’s mouth.
And then one or both of them would
moan and that, as they say, was that.

Frottage was a mutual favorite.

Luke would lie on top of Alex and
squeeze some lube over both of their
cocks. The smooth-gliding friction as
they slipped against each other’s
erection and belly while kissing long
and deep, well, damn. It was so good it
was hard to imagine anything better.
Unless it was Alex wrapping one of his
strong hands around them both. The sight
of their two slippery heads moving in
and out of Alex’s fist, the feeling of
Alex’s stiff shaft rubbing against his
frenulum, was so erotic it always made
Luke finish embarrassingly quickly.

One night they sat on either end of

the couch and watched each other
masturbate. And the next, they took turns
masturbating each other, mimicking the

moves they’d seen each other use. It was
hot as hell.

But nothing could really compare to

the way Alex gave head. Alex loved to
shove a naked Luke back against the arm
of the couch and lie down on his belly
between Luke’s legs. He was so
beautiful like that. Luke would look
down to see Alex’s thick brown hair and
broad

shoulders

glowing

in

the

lamplight, and just the hint of Alex’s
delectable white ass farther down. The
sight alone could practically stop Luke’s
heart. And while Luke was enjoying the
scenery, Alex’s mouth ravaged Luke’s
cock. Alex was fearless and unrelenting,
slipping Luke’s erection into a cheek and
down his throat without a trace of gag

reflex. If he used a hand at all, it was
only to steady Luke at the base. His
tongue never stopped stroking and
coaxing, even when he sucked hard, and
his rhythm and timing were perfect. All
Luke could do was stare and try as hard
as he could to last more than a couple of
minutes.

After one such session, with the

face of Obi-Wan Kenobi frozen on the
TV midmovie, Luke leaned back his
head and tried to still his racing heart.
“That’s it. I’m starting a petition to make
blowjobs an Olympic event. Because
you, my friend, would win gold.”

Alex giggled. “I can imagine the

corporate sponsors now.”

“How can you possibly be that

good? I mean, seriously. Was it the
English teacher?”

“Um… no.”
There was something loaded in

Alex’s tone. Luke looked down at him
quizzically. Alex daintily wiped a trace
of come from the corner of his mouth and
gave him a sly smile.

“What?”
“Remember how you said you tried

to eat with your feet when you were
twelve, but you weren’t flexible
enough?”

“Yeah?”
“Ever try to do anything else at age

twelve related to flexibility?”

Luke thought about it. “Uh… yeah.

Didn’t work though.”

Alex grinned at him evilly. He held

Luke’s softening cock and gave it a
wicked lick from base to tip.

“You cannot!” Luke said in

disbelief.

“Oh, yeah.”
“All the way?”
“Yup.

I’m

double-jointed—

everywhere. I don’t know if it’s related
to my birth defect or not. I never quite
worked up the nerve to ask my doctor
about it.”

“You lucky dog!”
Alex looked smug. “The Lord

taketh away and the Lord giveth.”

“Damn, I want to see you do it!

That would be so hot!”

Alex shook his head. “Oh, no.

That’s, like, a ten-year anniversary
reward or something.”

“What?! Are you saying I have to

marry you to get to watch you perform
autofellatio?”

Luke was teasing, but Alex

suddenly looked embarrassed. “Who
said anything about marriage? Our first
date was August 10th, so you have nine
years and nine months to go. At a bare
minimum, we both have to still be
breathing, and you have to be in my good
graces at the time this offer expires.”

“Is this like the tier thing? Can I

knock off months with good behavior?
Flowers? Trips to Mexico? Unrequited

blowjobs?”

Alex tapped his chin thoughtfully.

“I’m negotiable.”

“Oh, man,” Luke moaned. “Make a

list. Please.”

They lay there content for a few

minutes. Luke couldn’t help picturing it.
In Technicolor. “Dammit, that is so
worth the chair,” he finally said.

“It really isn’t. I’d much rather go

hiking up Henneman Hill with you and
Trevor every morning.”

Luke thought about it some more.

“Okay, but it’s close.”

“Yeah,” Alex admitted with a

satisfied smile. “It is.”

O

N

H

ALLOWEEN

Alex hosted a Wheels

and Meals potluck at his apartment and
invited Luke. Luke could tell Alex was
excited about introducing him to his
friends. Alex’s sister was going to be
there, and Luke was nervous about
meeting her. He rejected his first three
costume ideas as being too nerdy and
ended up going as a noir detective in an
old brown suit, skinny tie, and a fedora
he picked up at a thrift shop.

Alex was dressed as a vampire,

and he looked so hot when he opened his
apartment door, Luke got a little hard.
His dark hair was slicked back and his
skin whitened. He wore kohl around his
eyes and his lips were blood red. His

white shirt had a flounced front open
almost to his navel, and his pants were
tight and black. A red-lined satin cape
completed the look.

“Mmmm. A blood sucker. How

appropriate.” Luke hummed.

Alex laughed. “The heat-o-meter

scores before you even say hello. I’m
flattered.”

Luke leaned down, putting his

palms on the arms of the chair. “You
deserve to be flattered. You look sexy as
hell.”

“You’ll get red lipstick on you,”

Alex murmured when he was inches
away.

“So I’ll be a transvestite noir

detective,” Luke replied, undeterred.

The kiss was yummy, and then it

was hot. Someone cleared their throat.

“You do remember there are

people here, Alex?” a woman said,
sounding a tad disgusted.

Luke shot up. “Oh, sorry. I thought I

was early.”

A young woman who was dressed

as a witch looked him up and down.
“Not that early, honey. You must be
Luke.” She held out her hand.

“Luke, this is Amy, my sister. Aim,

this is Luke.” Alex sounded a little
breathless as Luke shook Amy’s hand.

Amy looked like a tough cookie.

And she didn’t exactly look pleased to
meet him. Then again, he’d been caught
sucking her brother’s tonsils. Her

brother in his wheelchair.

“Nice to meet you,” Luke said.
Amy arched an eyebrow. “Alex has

told me a lot about you. He said you
work from home and you’re a game
designer?”

“Amazing memory, your brother.”
Alex laughed.
“What company do you work for?”

Amy asked. Did she not believe him?

“City

Shark

Games

in

San

Francisco. I lived there for five years,
but last year they instigated a work-
from-home policy. So I get to live here
and they get to pay me less. It’s a win-
win.”

“Sounds progressive.”
“Yeah. There’s a lot of competition

for talent in the gaming industry, so
companies are always trying to come up
with new perks.”

“And why would you want to leave

San Francisco to live in State College?”
Amy still sounded doubtful. Like maybe
he was making all this up and he was
really an ex-con from the state
penitentiary.

“Geez, Aim. Why don’t you ask for

his W2?” Alex grumbled.

“Well, I’m from Pennsylvania,”

Luke answered. “It was fun living in
California for a while, but I guess I’m
just not a West Coast kind of guy.”

“Oh?” Amy said with a not-very-

nice smirk. “You look like a West Coast
type to me.”

Luke smiled just as sincerely.

“Funnily enough, there are gay men
everywhere. It’s like a plague. I have a
theory about hormones in milk….”

Alex snorted. “All right, you guys,

knock it off before I get out the fire
hose.”

“What if I want you to get out the

fire hose?” Luke gave Alex a wink.

“Gag,” Amy said. She disappeared

back into the kitchen.

“So references to your penis send

her running. Good to know.”

“She’s really not that bad. Just

overprotective.”

“Ya think?”
Alex took his hand with a smile.

“Come on. There’s food in the living

room and people I want you to meet.
You might want to wipe your mouth first
though. You look like Kurt Russell in
Big Trouble in Little China.”

“I’d rather kiss you again.”
“Slut.”
“Blood sucker.”

A

N

HOUR

later there were ten

wheelchairs in the apartment, a space
that in no way accommodated them. Four
people ended up parked on the couch,
their chairs folded to one side. The
group seemed perfectly comfortable
dodging around each other, backing into
the hall like two cars meeting at a
narrow space in the road, even

swapping chairs when someone from the
couch wanted to get to the food or vice
versa. The friends and family stood off
on the edges and chatted, out of harm’s
way.

Alex was not shy about showing his

affection with Luke, and Luke felt as
studied as a letter on an eye exam chart.
People were polite, but no one seemed
to know quite what to make of him or of
him and Alex. It made Luke feel more
conscious of the whole handicapped
thing than he’d ever felt with Alex
before. Everyone else seemed to think it
was a big deal that he and Alex were
together. Maybe he was the clueless one,
or maybe it was.

Only one person was openly hostile

—Billy Smith. Luke recognized him
from Alex’s description. He was a
skinny kid who looked a little like a
young Stephen Hawking, only in the first
stages of serious disability.

Luke tried to introduce himself at

the food table. “Hi. You must be Billy.
Alex told me about you.”

Billy stabbed a meatball from a

dish and glanced at Luke sourly. “Odd.
He didn’t mention you.”

“Um. Well, we’ve only been dating

for a few months.”

“Tick tock,” Billy muttered under

his breath.

“Excuse me?”
“Look,” Billy said bitterly. “I was

friends with Alex before that other jerk
dumped him, and I’ll be friends with him
long after you’re gone, too.”

Luke was actually shocked. Billy

had a thing for Alex, that much was
clear. If he’d been a regular guy, Luke
would have enjoyed rubbing it in with a
smart remark. But that would be just
plain cruel to do to someone like Billy,
so he said, “I may surprise you,” and
walked away.

He escaped into the kitchen.

Unfortunately Amy was there talking to
one of the parents.

“Just grabbing a Diet Coke,” Luke

said, coming up with a likely excuse. He
took one from the fridge and tried to
make a hasty exit.

Amy grabbed his sleeve. “Not so

fast, you.”

The other woman beat it.
“I can go grab my 2011 tax return,

if you really want to see it,” Luke said
dryly. “I just live across the parking lot.”

“Maybe later,” Amy sneered. She

peered at his face for a long moment.

“Feel free to stare. It doesn’t bother

me.”

“You’re cute,” she said flatly.
“Thanks, but I’m taken.”
Amy leaned back against the

counter. “It’s sort of shocking, is all.”

Luke tried to divine what she

meant. “You knew Alex was gay, right?”

“Oh, he told us. He was seventeen

at the time. It just didn’t seem that
important in the face of everything else.”

“You mean, you never thought he’d

actually have sex, so it didn’t matter.”

Amy

shrugged.

“I

didn’t

consciously think he’d stay alone
forever. It’s just, you know, there’s the
theoretical and then there’s—”

“Some guy’s tongue in your

brother’s mouth.”

Amy nodded. She rolled her eyes.

“Geez, my parents will trip.”

Great. There’s something to look

forward to.

But Amy, at least, seemed to have

gotten less interested in cutting off
Luke’s testicles. That was a win, right?

And she was Alex’s sister. Suddenly,
Luke had a whole lot of questions, things
he was never quite sure how to bring up
with Alex.

“So Alex told me he’s always been

in the chair. A birth defect of the spine.
His legs are paralyzed from the midthigh
down.”

“That’s right,” Amy said. “Spina

bifida, closed neural tube defect. To
hear the doctors tell it, he’s actually
lucky it wasn’t worse.”

Luke was glad to hear an actual

name put to it. Alex hadn’t wanted to
discuss it much. He made a mental note
to research it. “So it’s not degenerative.”

“No. The damage to the nerves was

basically done by the time he was born.

But because of the paralysis, it takes a
lot for him to just maintain what he has.
And it will get harder as he gets older.”
Amy looked at him carefully. “Did Alex
tell you that from age two to five some
idiot doctor tried to fix him? There were
years of braces and pins and stretching. I
was four years older than him, and I
remember the nights after ‘adjustments’
when he’d just scream in agony. I think
my mother cried even more than he did.
And in the end, he was still stuck in the
chair.”

“No, I didn’t know that,” Luke said,

feeling a little sick.

“That’s how it is in Alex’s life,”

Amy said fiercely. “There’s always a
trade-off of pain for every little thing he

gets. I mean, he doesn’t work out with
those weights to look buff, you know. He
does it so he can swing his body around,
get in and out of the shower or the car.
He has to keep his legs massaged and
watch out for sores, be careful to dry
them completely after a shower, not to
bang them against things because he
can’t feel it. My mother never wanted
him to move out. But Alex insisted he
could live on his own, and he has. He’s
had to fight for every ounce of his
independence.”

“I could never be that brave,” Luke

said. “If I’d been born like that, I’d
probably have given up.”

Amy said nothing for a minute.

Then, “None of us know what we would

do in that situation. He’s stronger than
anyone

I

know,

but

also

more

vulnerable. What I’m trying to tell you,
Luke, is that he… geez. He doesn’t need
any more pain.”

Luke felt his stomach knot. “The

last thing I want to do is hurt him.”

“Yeah? Well, no one ever intends

that, do they?” She sighed. “Look, you
probably think I’m a witch—”

“You are a witch,” Luke pointed

out.

Amy smiled despite herself. “Alex

said you were funny. He said you were
nice, too. I hope he’s right.”

“Except for Thursdays. That’s my

serial killer night.”

Amy harrumphed. “Look, I just

want to make sure you understand what
you’re signing up for. And that you’re
ready for it. Because it’s not easy, and
it’s not just a lark. And if you’re not
ready for it, for God’s sake, decide
sooner rather than later. There. I’ve done
my big-sister duty.”

“Okay,” Luke said.
“Okay,” said Amy. And suddenly

there were tears in her eyes, and she
freaking hugged him. “I’ll fly off on my
broomstick now,” she said, wiping her
eyes.

“Watch out for 747s. You’ve heard

what they can do to birds.”

“Shut up,” Amy said, not unkindly.

T

HE

Wheels and Meals crowd was,

fortunately, not a group of heavy
partiers. By ten o’clock Amy and a few
of the mothers had cleaned up the place
and left. Alex saw the last guest to the
door. Luke breathed a sigh of relief. It
had been a lot harder than he’d imagined
it would be. But he forced a smile on his
face when Alex rolled over to the couch.

“I saw you talking to Amy. I hope

she wasn’t giving you a song of doom.”

Luke shrugged. “She cares about

you.”

“Of course. I’m absurdly lovable.”
“I was just thinking that.”
Alex grinned. “Which reminds me,

I have something for you. Consider this

the ‘treat’ portion of the Halloween
festivities.”

Alex rolled over to his desk and

opened a drawer. He took out a plastic
pharmacy bag and a piece of vellum
paper that was rolled up and tied with a
ribbon. He brought them over and
handed the paper roll to Luke.

“What’s this?”
“My living will.”
Luke tried to gasp and laugh at the

same time and choked.

“Easy there,” Alex said.
“I’m fine.” Luke managed. He

unrolled the paper.

“I recently added clause three-F.”
Luke read it aloud. “And if I should

be rendered a vegetable whilst being
anally penetrated by Luke Schumaker,
all life support conditions and clauses,
as noted above, still apply.”

“Precisely.”
“Well, I guess that answers the top

or bottom question,” Luke said, taking a
shaky breath.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t really have

the strength in my thighs to top. At least
not in very many positions. And, as
you’ve pointed out, I am hung like a
horse.”

“Are you suggesting I can’t take

it?” Luke arched an eyebrow.

“I think I’d need to see your living

will before we’d try it,” Alex answered
smugly. “I also picked up some

supplies.”

He handed Luke the bag, and Luke

peeked in. It contained several boxes of
condoms and a jumbo-sized lube.
“Damn. We won’t have to leave the
house ’til 2025.”

“Is this… okay with you?” Alex

asked, suddenly shy. “If you’re rather
not…. It’s just… I want you. I really
want to feel you inside me.” Alex’s eyes
were dark with desire and his voice was
rough.

Luke melted. Or at least most of

him did. He slid to his knees in front of
Alex’s chair. “Babe, I—I don’t—how
can you—of course I—”

Alex grabbed Luke’s skinny tie and

pulled him in close. The look on his face

was filthy. He gave Luke’s chin a long,
lewd lick. “What’s that? Cat got your
tongue? Come on, Luke. I. Want. You.
To. Fuck. Me.”

Luke groaned as his cock came to

full attention. “I’m good with that,” Luke
whispered before capturing Alex’s
mouth.

Between the two of them, they

managed to push and steer their way into
Alex’s bedroom and up to the bed
without ever breaking the desperate
barrage of kisses, licks, and nibbles.

“Let me up,” Alex insisted. He

pushed Luke away and swung himself
onto the bed. He removed his clothes
quickly while Luke did the same.

Luke climbed onto the bed, cock

bobbing, lube and condoms in one hand.
“Have you ever done this before?” he
asked.

Alex shook his head.
Luke took a steadying breath. “Are

you sure?”

“Yes.” Alex’s eyes, hot and fierce,

were more convincing than his words
could ever be. “I know how it’s
supposed to work theoretically. Do you
want me to—?”

“No, let me take care of you, babe.”
Luke pressed Alex back onto the

bed and kissed and petted him until Alex
was moaning and raising his hips with
need. Only then did Luke gently work a
lubed finger inside him. Luke kissed a

trail down Alex’s tight abs, relishing the
slightly salty taste of his skin. As Luke
neared the head of Alex’s cock, his
finger found the bundle of nerves deep
inside his lover’s body.

Alex arched off the bed with a hiss.

“Oh God, Luke! That’s… ah…. so good.
I want you now.”

Luke’s cock throbbed, more than

willing to comply, but Luke took a shaky
breath. “We’ll get there,” he said. He
took the tip of Alex’s cock into his
mouth and sucked gently as he worked in
a second finger and then a third, brushing
Alex’s prostate on every other thrust.
Alex ground his hips onto Luke’s fingers
and groaned loudly. His cock was
leaking copiously on Luke’s tongue and

he was as hard as Luke had ever felt
him.

“Oh my god. It feels…. Oh. Please,

Luke. I want to come with you inside
me.”

Alex sounded desperate, and Luke

was more than ready. In fact, he was in
danger of coming himself just from
touching Alex in this new and intimate
way and watching his reactions. He
withdrew his fingers and worked a
condom on. Alex sat up, grabbed the
lube, and rubbed it over Luke’s shaft.
The touch of his hand made Luke hiss
and pull away.

“Jesus, you’re killing me.”
“Come on,” Alex panted, trying to

pull him down.

“Wait.”

Luke

contemplated

logistics for a moment. “Let’s put you on
your side.” He helped Alex roll over
and got behind him. Luke pulled Alex’s
top thigh up so it was bent at the hip and
knee.

“Please,”

Alex

said

shakily,

pushing his hips back.

“I’m here,” Luke soothed. He lined

the tip of his cock up with Alex’s
entrance. It felt intense and he hadn’t
even started yet. Not just erotically
intense, though it was—God it was—but
significant. Pivotal. He held Alex’s
waist steady and slowly pushed in.

They both groaned as his cock sank

into deep, hot flesh. There was yield and
it was warm, and Luke did not stop until

his hips were flush against Alex’s
backside. He held still then, as they both
breathed heavily. Alex grabbed the hand
on his waist and pulled it around, lacing
their fingers. He turned his head for a
kiss, and Luke gave it to him. The
passion and emotion with which Alex
plied his mouth with his sweet tongue
made Luke’s head spin.

Everything felt overwhelming for a

second, and Luke had to move just to try
to get a grip. He began to thrust gently.

Alex moaned into his mouth and

soon broke the kiss so he could push his
hips back into the thrusts. “That’s… oh
my God. I feel you.”

Luke kissed and sucked at the back

of Alex’s neck. “I know. You feel so

good, Alex. Damn.”

They didn’t need any more words

or urging as they found their rhythm.
Luke steadily increased the pace of his
thrusts. He adjusted his angle until Alex
gave a sharp cry, and then he rode that
place, entering Alex’s body over and
over, long and strong and deep. Luke
gave a cry of pleasure on every thrust,
and they grew louder and louder and
more intense.

“Luke, touch me!”
Luke slid his hand down Alex’s

stomach and took hold of him, stroking
only a short while before Alex clenched
up and spilled with a guttural groan. He
was still pulsing in Luke’s hand as Luke
bit down on his shoulder and followed.

Luke felt the spasms of one of the most
intense orgasms of his life rip through
him.

They lay boneless for several long

minutes before Luke roused himself to
pull out and discard the condom. Alex
rolled over so he and Luke were face to
face.

Luke kissed him sweetly. “You’re

beautiful,” Luke said, meaning that in
every way possible.

“That was… the best thing that’s

ever happened to me,” Alex said, his
eyes growing bright.

Luke cupped his jaw. “Yeah?”
“I love you, Luke.” Alex’s eyes

stared into Luke’s with absolute
openness, joy, and a trace of insecurity.

Luke smiled and kissed him deeply.

His heart was beating a mile a minute,
and he didn’t know what to do. He loved
Alex too. He did. But he thought about
Amy’s warning and was afraid to say it,
because she was right. This was as
serious as a heart attack, and he couldn’t
be hasty, couldn’t give Alex promises he
might not keep.

He pulled Alex tight and held him.

And if Alex was hurt that Luke didn’t
say it back, he didn’t let it show.

Chapter 6

T

HE

first week of November was not a

good week. Luke’s manager, Brian,
called with bad news. “We’re going to
have to move up the launch date for
Saints and Sinners. We need it out by
Christmas.”

“What?” Luke said in disbelief.

“There’s no way!”

“Listen, City Shark is in trouble.

You know we had bad numbers the first
two quarters of this year. Well the
numbers for Q3 are worse. If we can’t
ship Saints and Sinners, there might not
even be a City Shark Games next year.”

Luke felt a rush of anxiety. He liked

his peers, and he liked his boss. And not
many game companies would let him
live in Pennsylvania. “Is it really that
bad?”

“It’s that bad. I need you to review

the design and tell me what we can cut
that’ll shave two months off production.”

“Shit,” Luke said. “That’s at least a

full chapter.”

“I know, Luke. Sorry, but I need

you to come through for me, buddy. And
we need it ASAP.”

That night Alex listened to Luke

harangue about how much he hated
cutting his designs, especially when the
game was as far along as this one. It was
a designer’s worst nightmare. Alex
listened sympathetically and rubbed

Luke’s back. But Luke was too upset to
be good company, and after an hour, he
went back to his apartment to work on
the dreaded task.

That week he only got over to

Alex’s two nights, crawling into bed
with him in the dark. Alex snuggled
against him and went back to sleep. By
7:00 a.m. Luke was gone again.

Luke worked through Saturday,

demolishing subplots and rerouting
puzzle clues, all of it under a grumpy
cloud. Saturday night Alex invited him
over for dinner and made meatloaf and
mashed potatoes.

“This is really good, babe,” Luke

said tiredly. “I needed some comfort
food.”

“There’s more comfort where that

came from,” Alex said with an eyebrow
waggle.

“You mean sex? What’s that? I’ve

forgotten,” Luke deadpanned.

“Yes, it’s been six whole days.

Call Guinness.”

“Are you implying that I’m a sex

addict?”

“If the condom fits.” Alex licked

mashed potatoes off his spoon with a
long tongue.

“Just for that….” Luke slipped out

of his chair and crawled under the table.

“Luke! I cooked for hours!” Alex

laughed as Luke’s fingers began undoing
the button on his jeans.

“That’s what microwaves are for.

Are your brakes set, hot stuff? It’s going
to be a bumpy night.”

“Luke!” Alex complained, swatting

at Luke’s hands. A moment later Alex
was gripping the edge of the table and
his voice had dropped an octave. “Oh,
God, Luke.”

T

HE

second time they sat down to eat

the meatloaf and mashed potatoes, Alex
said, “Can you take a break tomorrow?
It’s Sunday and the new Bond movie just
came out.”

Luke cringed guiltily. “Actually, I

have to lead a six-mile hike in the
Poconos for my Meetup group. I signed

up to do it months ago. It would come at
the worst possible time.”

“That’s okay,” Alex said, not quite

hiding his disappointment.

“Wish you could go with me.” Luke

squeezed Alex’s hand. After he said it,
he worried that maybe he shouldn’t bring
up stuff like that, the stuff Alex couldn’t
do.

But Alex just gave him a slight

smile and kept eating.

T

HE

Poconos hike was awesome. The

November day was crisp, and there was
still some fall color left. Luke led a
group of ten up the mountain, reveling in
the elevation gain and the rough terrain.

Trevor was in his element with so many
people to coo over him.

Luke sat on the peak looking out

over the view, chatting with a bunch of
happy, sweaty, able-bodied twenty- and
thirtysomethings. And he had a sort of
minor epiphany. He wished Alex was
there, and then he realized Alex would
never be there, he’d never be able to do
stuff like this with him, ever. Ever was a
really long time. Luke felt sad about that
—in fact it felt a little like grief. Then he
kicked himself because it was Alex who
had suffered the loss. And then he felt
guilty for enjoying this when Alex
couldn’t. And then he worried—would
he always feel guilty about just doing
stuff? Would that mean he would stop

doing them?

Amy was right. He hadn’t thought

this through. By the time Luke came
down the mountain, there was a catch in
his chest that hadn’t been there before.

When he got home that night, he had

twenty e-mails to answer from team
members working through the weekend.
He gave Alex a quick call and wished
him a good night. He didn’t go over.

F

OR

the next two weeks, Luke worked

all the time. He used it as an excuse not
to see Alex. Luke knew it was a cop-out,
and he could tell from the tightness in
Alex’s voice when he called that Alex
knew it, too. Luke couldn’t help it. He

had some serious thinking to do about
their relationship, and he couldn’t do it
with this work crisis demanding all his
focus.

But he could only put Alex off for

so long, and Luke did really miss him.
So they went to see the Bond movie on
the Friday before Thanksgiving. They
went to a nine o’clock showing because
Luke worked late. The theater was
surprisingly crowded, and Luke helped
maneuver through the obstacle course by
manning the handles of the chair,
something he’d never done before. Alex
parked at the end of a row and they held
hands in the dark while they watched the
movie.

When it was over, Alex turned his

chair toward the exit and took Luke’s
hand, but there were people in the aisle
and the PDA made Luke uncomfortable.
In San Fran he’d done it, sure, but this
was Pennsylvania. So he pulled away,
using the excuse of needing to man the
chair handles. He felt guilty for doing it,
so he talked loudly about the movie,
hoping Alex wouldn’t notice.

In the car on the way home, Alex

turned to him with a worried smile. “My
parents invited you for Thanksgiving.
Amy will be there. They really want to
meet you.”

Luke felt his face get hot. “Actually,

I have some news. I turned in the revised
design, and my boss wants me in San
Fran for three weeks to help the team

make the changes. I leave the day after
Thanksgiving.”

“Oh,” Alex said blankly.
Luke took his hand and squeezed it.

“When they let me move here, it was
always understood that there’d be times
when I’d have to work on-site. But I’ll
be home for Christmas.”

Alex tried to smile reassuringly.

“Will you be staying in a hotel there?”

“No. I’ll bunk with my friend,

Marco. He lives in the Castro.”

“What about Trevor? He could stay

with me.”

“Nah. My sister’s going to take

him. I’m, um, actually driving him over
to Allentown on Thanksgiving. I need to
take his crate and stuff over there, and

I’ll do the requisite holiday thing.”

“Oh.” Alex frowned and blinked

rapidly. He was quiet for a few minutes
and then: “Would you… like me to go
with you? It’s a long drive.”

Luke froze. It hadn’t occurred to

him that Alex would want to be invited.
The idea immediately made him feel a
little panicky.

“Babe, you should be with your

family on Thanksgiving.”

“I’d rather be with you,” Alex said

quietly.

“I… don’t think that’s a good idea,”

Luke said lamely. “But I’ll be back by
dinnertime. We can spend the evening
together.”

Alex didn’t press the issue. He

nodded and looked out the window.

T

HE

drive to Allentown was long and

boring. Trevor seemed to sense Luke’s
anxious mood and was impatient and
whining the whole way. Luke’s sister,
Anne, was harried prepping the big meal
but refused any help, as always. Her
husband, Matthew, was coolly cordial.
Luke and Matthew played ball with
Trevor in the back yard until his parents
arrived.

“So how’s State College?” Luke’s

mom asked over turkey and all the
trimmings. Her blonde hair had been in
the same teased style since Luke was in
high school. Her conservative sweater

and slacks made her look every inch the
retired schoolteacher.

“I like it.” Luke nodded. “Nice

town. Lots of hiking trails. I’ve met
some people.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” Anne

asked, ignoring the look Matthew shot
her. Matthew didn’t like to talk about
“that.” “That” being Luke’s relationships
with other humans who had dicks.

“I’ve been seeing someone since

August, actually.” A giddy smile took
over Luke’s face. He seemed helpless to
stop it.

His mom and dad and Matthew

were all painfully silent, watching him.

“That’s great,” Anne said. “What’s

his name?”

“Alex.”
“And what’s Alex do?”
“He designs crossword puzzles.”

Luke’s smile grew bigger, treacherous
thing. “That’s how we met. He wanted to
introduce himself, so he put a message in
a crossword puzzle in the Philly
Examiner and then had it delivered to
my door.”

“How romantic,” his mother said

carefully. “Sounds like you two have a
lot in common.”

Luke blinked at her in surprise.

“Thanks, Mom. Yeah, we do.”

“So why didn’t you bring him?”

Anne asked.

“What?”
“Today. You should have brought

him with.”

“Um…. He’s with his family

today.” Luke took a big bite of yams so
he could stop talking. God, maybe he
should have brought Alex. Of course, his
parents—and

Matthew,

but

fuck

Matthew—were uncomfortable about his
being gay. He’d never brought anyone
home before, but that wasn’t why he
hadn’t done it.

Bringing Alex to meet his parents

would mean they were serious. And
Luke was not ready to admit that.

“Well, Luke,” his mother began

softly. “Maybe you could bring him for
Christmas.”

Luke stared at her dubiously. Pod

people. That had to be the answer.

“You’ve been back for a year and

we hardly ever see you,” his mom
continued with deliberate cheerfulness.
“You don’t have to stay away, Luke.
We’re okay with… the gay thing. Right,
Harold?”

Luke’s father cleared his throat and

deliberately put down his knife and fork.
He was a large man, a retired factory
manager with a ruddy face and thin gray
hair. He would not have been amiss as,
say, a grumpy neighbor in Leave It to
Beaver.

Everyone waited with bated breath.
“Yeah,” Harold said gruffly. Then

he picked up his fork and knife and
resumed eating.

It was like a benediction from the

pope. Luke gave Anne a WTF look.
Anne shrugged and smiled.

I

T

WAS

almost seven that night when

Luke knocked on Alex’s door, his
mother’s pumpkin pie in hand. He kissed
Alex lightly on the lips. “Hey, Alex.”

“How was your drive?”
“Tedious.”
They were both subdued as they ate

a slice of pie. Alex seemed tense and
unhappy, and Luke was stressed about
having to get ready for his 7:00 a.m.
flight. There were a dozen details that
had to be taken care of before then.

When they were done, Luke took

the plates into the kitchen. He left his

phone by his glass and when he returned
to the living room Alex was holding it.
Alex turned it off and put it back down.
His face was blank.

“When you lived in San Francisco,

you probably went to the clubs a lot,”
Alex said slowly.

“I guess.”
“And you hooked up a lot.”
Luke frowned. “Alex, I’m going

there to work, not to party.”

Alex tilted his head skeptically, but

he didn’t look at Luke. He played with
the arm of his chair. “You can’t work all
the time.”

“Obviously, you’ve never shipped

a computer game,” Luke huffed. He
knew Alex was fishing, but he didn’t

want to make any promises. San
Francisco was his old stomping ground.
Of course he’d go out, if he could find
the time.

“Please don’t do that!” Alex said

hotly. “Don’t talk around things like I’m
an idiot. I know what this is and what
this isn’t, all right? At least allow me
that much dignity!”

“Yeah? What is it then?” Luke

asked, folding his arms and glaring.

Alex heaved a big breath and spoke

bitterly. “You want to be the guy who’s
enlightened enough to have a friend in a
wheelchair. So everyone can think
‘What a great guy! How big of him to
hang out with a handicapped person!’.
But you don’t want to be the guy who’s

such a loser he has a cripple for a
boyfriend.”

Luke felt anger surge, hot and

choking. “Where the hell do you get this
shit?”

Alex’s mouth twisted. He pushed

back from the table and looked down at
his hands, clenched in his lap. He didn’t
answer.

“You’re the one who’s obsessed

with the chair! I don’t care about the
goddamn chair!” Luke shouted. A band
tightened around his chest, hot and
aching. He felt like hitting something.

Alex went very still. Long moments

ticked by. There was a look on his face
Luke didn’t like. It was sad and shut-off
and resigned, and it made Luke feel sick

to his stomach.

He squatted down by Alex’s chair.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” Luke
said gently. “Look, we’re both just
stressed because I’m leaving. I’ll make
it up to you when I get back. Okay?”

Alex nodded. “Sure.” But he didn’t

look up.

This was so difficult. Luke felt like

he was drowning. He wanted to hold
Alex, to make love to him before
leaving. But the hurt burned a hole in
Luke’s chest, and Alex looked in no
mood for wine and roses either. There
was no real fix except to just get through
this month.

“Well, I guess I’ll go. I have to get

up at fuck-me-o’clock for my flight, and

I haven’t even packed.”

Alex finally looked up and gave

Luke a weak smile. “Have a safe trip.”

“I’ll miss you,” Luke said, kissing

Alex’s forehead. Then he left.

It wasn’t until Luke was about to

board the plane in the morning that he
saw the text message he’d received the
night before. It was from Marco.

Dude! Stoked ur coming in from

the barren wilds of gaydom. We’ll hit
every club in the Castro. Me so horny.

Luke shut his eyes and groaned.

Great. Thanks, Marco.

Chapter 7

L

UKE

watched Marco and Denny

dancing under the colored strobes at The
Mix. It was a packed Saturday night, the
first night in a week he and Marco had a
few hours off. He used to love this
place, but tonight it felt crowded and
shallow and wrong. All wrong.

A dark-haired guy was giving Luke

the eye from the bar. He was good-
looking, a bit on the dangerous side. In
the old days, he would have been just
Luke’s type. But Luke knew how it
would go—mutual blowjobs in the
bathroom or, if it was high romance, a
fuck at the guy’s apartment nearby.

There’d be a wink and a clear invitation
to leave when it was done.

Luke had no interest in that, not

when he was feeling so homesick for
Alex. Alex, whose sweet body fit
perfectly against his; Alex with the
unbelievable mouth; Alex who made him
laugh, who loved him; Alex who’d said
having Luke make love to him had been
the best thing that ever happened in his
life.

Standing here, remembering a string

of one-night stands, Luke knew it had
been the best thing that had ever
happened in his life, too.

At that moment, Luke had another

minor epiphany. He would rather be
sitting on a couch with Alex watching a

movie than in the hottest gay club in San
Francisco. And he would rather spend
his life walking on rail trails, if Alex
was by his side, than climbing the most
magnificent peaks. And the thing is, he
could go climb those peaks if he wanted.
Alex would be happy to cheer him on.
But chances were that most of the time
he’d prefer to be with Alex. And that
was okay. That was better than okay.

Luke checked his phone again. Alex

had not returned a phone call or a text
since Luke left him eight days ago. Luke
had been swamped since he’d stepped
into the office, so he hadn’t had too much
time to worry about it. But the bad
feeling that had been growing in the pit
of his stomach was now turning into a

chilling dread.

Luke wove his way through sweaty

bodies onto the dance floor and told
Marco he was leaving. Marco looked at
him like he was crazy, but Luke just
shook his head and made his way out.

On the sidewalk, Luke tried Alex’s

cell phone again. Voice mail picked up.
“Hey, babe, it’s me. Message number
eighty-nine. I guess you’re really upset
with me. Please call me so we can talk.”
He hung up.

T

HE

next day Luke stepped out into the

lobby at City Shark Games and made the
call he’d been avoiding. Amy had given

him her number, in case there was ever
an emergency. It was humiliating, but he
dialed it. She picked up.

“Amy, it’s Luke.”
She was silent for a minute. “Hi,

Luke.”

“I’m trying to reach Alex. Is he

okay? He hasn’t been returning my e-
mails or calls.”

“Alex doesn’t want to speak to

you.” The finality in her voice cut Luke
to the bone.

So

this

was

not

some

communication mishap, then. And Alex
was not in the hospital. Luke really was
being dumped. “Why?” was all Luke
could manage.

“I guess you’d have to ask him.”
“I would, but he won’t speak to

me,” Luke said. His voice broke.

Amy seemed to take pity on him.

“Look, I’ll ask Alex to e-mail you.” She
hesitated. “You should know that he
won’t be at The Woodsman when you
get back. We’re moving his stuff out at
the end of the month. He’s going to live
with our folks until he finds something
else.”

“But… that’s Alex’s place. It’s set

up for a wheelchair. He can’t just leave
it!”

“Yeah. It sucks that he has to.

Good-bye, Luke.” Amy hung up.

Luke was going to be sick. He

made it to the men’s room and sank
down in a cubicle, cold and sweating.
He felt hot pressure behind his eyes.
When was the last time he’d cried? High
school maybe. He covered his face with
his hand and fought to get himself under
control. The pain in his chest—it felt
like his heart was breaking. He’d never
known how literal that could be.

Alex, I’m so sorry. I know I fucked

up, but it can’t be this bad. Please.

He suddenly remembered that Amy

said she’d try to get Alex to e-mail him.
In a flash, Luke was on his feet. He
splashed cold water on his face and
went back to his desk, looking down to
use his long hair as camouflage. He
woke up his monitor.

There was an e-mail from Alex.

Luke,
You were really nice to me, and

you never promised me anything. I wish
I could just take it for what it is and
enjoy it. But I fell for you so hard. So
damned hard, Luke. I just loved
everything about you. I promised
myself I wouldn’t do this again, be the
only one invested, let someone make me
feel not good enough. It hurts too
much. I don’t blame you. The stupid
thing is, I want the best for you and I
know that’s not me. I wish we could
remain friends, but it would be better
for me to try to forget you.

Alex

Luke read it three times. As it sank

in, something cleared in his mind, and he
saw how bad things must have looked to
Alex. They’d rarely gone out. It was
always dark by the time he was off work
and he just wanted to hang out. The one
time they’d gone to the movie theater
he’d pulled away from Alex’s touch. He
hadn’t been willing to say “I love you.”
He hadn’t wanted to introduce Alex to
his family. He’d been running away ever
since the Halloween party. He hadn’t
meant to push Alex away. He’d just
wanted to go slower, that was all. He’d
damn well wanted to be sure before
making any promises.

He wasn’t afraid to be the guy

dating the guy in the wheelchair, Luke
realized. But he had been afraid that one
day he’d turn out to be the asshole
who’d dumped the guy in the wheelchair
and broke his heart. He didn’t want to be
that guy. As a result, he’d only forced
that outcome anyway.

He was an idiot. Hadn’t he been

sure, really, since the moment Alex had
opened his front door and said hello?
Since the first time Alex had lain down
on his couch and pulled Luke into his
arms? Hadn’t they been in love from the
very start? And look at Alex now. Luke
had been so worried about protecting
him, but Alex was standing up for
himself. He was being the strong one.
Fuck you, Schumaker. I’m worth more

than that.

Luke wanted to laugh and sob at the

same time. Good for him. Because Alex
was. Dammit, Alex was fucking worth
everything, and he should have made
sure Alex knew that every goddamn day.
Alex’s mind, his eyes, his lips, his cock,
his beautiful smile, his laugh, his
bravery, his heart…. Those were the
things that mattered, the things it would
kill Luke to live without.

The chair and all that went with it?

That was just logistics.

M

ARCO

looked up as Luke approached

his desk. “What’s up with you, Dude?”

Marco asked, grimacing at Luke’s
reddened eyes. Marco was a six-foot-
one gay Japanese-American programmer
with the most expressive face Luke had
ever seen. He was also one of Luke’s
best friends.

“I’m an ass.” Luke smiled, warm

and happy.

“Uh… okay.” Marco shrugged,

with an expression that said Luke was
crazy, but he was used to it.

“Hey, didn’t you once tell me you’d

made a text adventure engine in
college?”

“Yeah! If you’re interested I have

this great desert island game I made.
Your plane crashes and you—”

“I need to make a little text

adventure, and I need it fast. Will you
help?”

Marco made a face. “Brian’s

already got me maxed out, man. You
know that.”

“How ’bout six hours of work wins

a thousand dollar gift certificate for
Steam?”

“Dude!” Marco grinned.

A

LEX

was working on a crossword

puzzle at Amy’s dining room table on
December 15th when she handed him a
DVD in a jewel case. On the face of it,
in blue permanent marker, was written

“The Adventure of the Three Rings.”

“What’s this?” Alex asked.
“Play it.” Amy pulled his laptop

closer.

He was in no mood, but he was too

depressed to argue. It would be easier to
just get it over with. He loaded the
DVD. A title screen came up. It was a
text adventure. Alex knew immediately
who it was from. He released his brake
and rolled back, shaking his head no.
His tongue felt frozen in his mouth.

Amy leaned over him and squeezed

his shoulders. “Come on, hon. Luke
made a game for you.”

Alex’s heart was trying to crawl up

his throat, making a lump the size of a

grapefruit. He shook his head again,
unable to speak.

Amy tugged on a lock of his hair

fondly. “Alex, I’ve been talking to Luke,
and I really think you should look at this.
Will you? For me?”

Alex’s mind warred between pain

and a growing curiosity. It hurt so much
to think about Luke. But Amy knew that.
She wouldn’t ask him to do this lightly.
What had Luke said to her? And what
was in the game? He finally managed a
word. “Fine.”

She left him to it. Alex looked at

the title screen for a long time, his heart
pounding. Then he placed his fingers
over the keyboard.

Go North.

The first building in the town

square was the pub. The pub keeper said
he had a message for Alex Shaw, but
first Alex had to bring him three rings.
Alex went back out into the town square
and began to look for them.

One ring was given to him by the

town doctor, who gave him a lecture on
the value of true love and how it was
worth any risk.

One ring was given to him by a

witch, who told him he had bravery and
a pure heart, and those were worth more
than all the riches in the kingdom.

One ring was given to him by the

village idiot, who told him men with
long blond hair were prone to fits of
stupidity, but it could be cured with a

well-timed smack upside the head.

Alex was trying to control a painful

sense of hope as he took the three rings
back to the pub keeper. The pub keeper
gave him a scroll. Alex hesitated.

Open scroll.
A full screen graphic appeared. It

was a parchment scroll, and written on it
were these words:

Alex, I love you so much and I

want to spend the rest of my life with
you. Marry me. Luke

Alex was looking at the scroll,

trying to remember how to breathe, when
Amy handed him the phone.

It was Luke. “Hey, Alex. I’ll be

home Saturday. Will you give me an
answer then?”

“Why?” Alex managed thickly.
“Um…. Why should you give me an

answer then?”

“No, you dork. Why do you want

to… marry me?”

Luke’s voice quivered a little.

“Because it hurts to be without you,
Alex. Fuck. It physically hurts. You’re
the missing piece to my puzzle. You’re
the one. I’m sorry it took me a while to
figure that out.”

“I’ll

hold

you

back,”

Alex

whispered.

Luke gave an ironic snort. “You?

You make me pathetically happy. And I
make you ridiculously happy, at least I
do when I’m not being an ass.
Everything else we’ll use our nerdy

brains to figure out together. Okay?”

“But it’s not even legal in

Pennsylvania.”

Luke laughed. “Mr. Logic Puzzle.

So we’ll drive to New York, right?
Logistics.”

Alex drew a ragged breath.

“Okay.”

“Yeah? Okay what?” Luke sounded

excited.

“Okay, I’ll give you an answer on

Saturday,” Alex said firmly.

Luke groaned. “Sadistic bastard. I

miss you so much, Alex.”

“I miss you, too.”

L

UKE

Schumaker and Alex Shaw were

married at a historic inn in central New
York on Christmas Eve. Luke had called
twenty places before he’d found a
vacancy. There was scrambling for hotel
rooms,

tuxes,

a

minister,

dinner

reservations, a marriage license, a
handicap-accessible restaurant for the
reception, and a dog sitter. But standing
there in the Victorian parlor, with both
of their families in attendance and even,
for the most part, supportive, Luke was
pretty sure it had all been worth it. And
when he took Alex’s hands in his and
kissed his new husband, he knew for
sure it had been.

The crossword puzzle in the Philly

Examiner contained this hidden message

the following Sunday:

For as long as we both shall live.

Luke and Alex.

About the Author

E

LI

E

ASTON

has been at various times

and under different names a minister’s
daughter, a computer programmer, a
game designer, the author of paranormal
mysteries, a fanfiction writer, an organic
farmer, and a profound sleeper. She is
now happily embarking on yet another
incarnation, this time as an m/m romance
author.
As an avid reader of such, she is tickled
pink when an author manages to combine
literary merit, vast stores of humor,

melting

hotness,

and

eye-dabbing

sweetness into one story. She promises
to strive to achieve most of that most of
the time. She currently lives on a farm in
Pennsylvania with her husband, three
bulldogs, three cows, and six chickens.
All of them (except for the husband) are
female, hence explaining the naked men
that have taken up residence in her latest
fiction writing.
Her

website

is

http://www.elieaston.com.
You

can

e-mail

her

at

[e-mail].

Also from ELI EASTON

http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

Also from ELI EASTON

http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

Copyright

Published by
Dreamspinner Press
5032 Capital Circle SW
Suite 2, PMB# 279
Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886
USA
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places,
and incidents either are the product of author
imagination or are used fictitiously, and any
resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business
establishments, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.

Puzzle Me This

fitch-18029

© 2013 Eli Easton.

Cover Art
© 2013 Reese Dante
http://www.reesedante.com
Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any

person depicted on the cover is a model.

All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original
purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any
means is illegal and a violation of international
copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon
conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook
format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No
part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, or by any
information storage and retrieval system, without the
written permission of the Publisher, except where
permitted by law. To request permission and all other
inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 5032 Capital
Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL
32305-7886, USA, or
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/.

Digital ISBN: 978-1-62798-162-0

Printed in the United States of America
First Edition

October 2013

Table of Contents

Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
About the Author
Also from Eli Easton
Also from Eli Easton
Copyright