Jingle All The Way

By Rizabeau

Christmas Eve, 2001

"....Friends and relations, Send salutations; Just as sure as the stars

shine above; This is Christmas, Christmas my dear; The time of year to be

with the one that you love; Then will you tell me, you'll never more roam;

Christmas and New Year will find you home; There'll be no more sorrow;

No grief or pain; 'Cause I'll be happy that it's Christmas once again..."

`Bells will be ringing, the glad, glad news,' `Yeah, right,' he thought as he listened to the Christmas song.
`If his lover would just come home there would be no pain.' "That's not going to happen," Justin muttered
as he rolled over and sighed. He heard bells jingle and realized he had kicked the small set he used for
personal decoration on to the floor. It was too early to go to sleep. Simply because the sun went down at
four in the afternoon didn't mean you had to go to bed. Justin checked his watch and discovered it was
only 6:45 p.m. Had he only been here for a half hour?

He rolled off the couch and went over to the windows and looked out. Snow was gently falling. As he
looked down at Tremont Street below, the streetlights softly illuminated the street. The street and parked
cars were covered with several inches of snow that had been falling for a few hours, and every couple
minutes the faint tint of color on some of the snow changed from red to green as the traffic light on the
corner turned. Justin had to laugh, even the traffic lights were in the holiday mood. He turned away from
the window and sighed again to the empty loft. Well it wasn't really empty --- he was here. He knew it
was his decision, no one to blame but himself. Justin had decided to stay in Pittsburgh for Christmas and
he had had a plan. Unfortunately the plan just didn't quite work out right. He had no one to blame for
being alone on Christmas Eve but himself, well --- and maybe Ebenezer Kinney. So much for thinking he
knew how to get Brian Kinney to do what he wanted.

Justin looked around the beautifully decorated loft. "Not bad if I say so myself." Justin spoke to the
Christmas ghosts of his family and friends. He looked around, "No, you are all right. Just because I'm
here alone doesn't mean I can't have a nice time. There's plenty of food, presents under the tree, Christmas
music and me." Justin laughed a little in self-mockery. "Yeah, that ought to be enough. Not enough for

Brian Kinney or ... " Justin stopped talking a second. He shook his head to the ghosts, "No, not going
there, I'm who I am and the rest can suck dick." He laughed, "I'd like to see Ross try that."

Justin looked at himself in the full size mirror on the wall of the loft. "Not too shabby, but hardly the
winner in this season's wrestling match for getting what I want." He made a face at himself. "No, this isn't
what you wanted but you are still going to have a good time. Scrooge may not be here but the Christmas
Elf is." Justin bowed to himself and started laughing, it was just good to be alive, and he really did have a
lot to be thankful for, even if this wasn't how he imagined it would be. Everyone would be back for New
Year's and maybe, just maybe, he could convince Brian to have a party at the loft. Justin looked at himself
again and shook his head, "Ever the optimist!"

He left the mirror and walked around the loft turning on all the holiday lights and turning off the regular
lighting. He then went and did something he had never seen Brian do --- he opened all the curtains and
blinds. There was enough indirect street lighting so that the snow could be seen falling outside the
windows. Justin went over to the TV and muted it. He turned to the cable station that showed the Yule
long burning all night. "Not quite real but it will do."

Next he stopped at the entertainment center and loaded in several of the Christmas music CD's he had
brought with him. He looked around to see what else he could do. "Oops, almost forgot." He went over to
the tree and turned on the small electric train that was under it. He marveled at how quiet the train was.

Justin stepped back out of the living room. He looked at the lights twinkling on the tree, the candles lit on
the coffee table. The bedroom was ringed in small lights and garland, and there were wreaths and bows
spread throughout the area. Justin nodded, "Yeah, it did turn out perfect." He looked down at his shirt and
slacks, time to change. He had no schedule, no place to be. Justin went in and took a shower. He came out
and put on a pair of dark, crimson color silk pajama bottoms, a gift from Brian. He put the matching robe
on.

He was hungry now. The casserole he put in the oven was still half frozen and wouldn't be ready for at
least 2 hours. He opened the refrigerator. It was packed with food. "Well, he wouldn't have eaten it
anyway." He fixed some appetizers on a plate and looked for something to drink. He could have anything
he wanted. He glanced over into the living area and started to smile. "Tradition is a good thing, a familiar
thing." Justin poured eggnog into a glass. He thought for a moment and moved to the kitchen cabinet
where Brian kept the liquor. He moved bottles around until he found one he wanted. "Humph, who would
have thought --- Brian Kinney has Christian Brother's Brandy." Justin giggled at the thought of it. He
liberally added some to his eggnog. He picked up his plate and glass and then went into the living room
and sat down on the couch.

Justin picked up his glass. He thought for a moment. He held his glass up in salute to his absent lover,
"Merry Christmas Brian, wherever you are." Justin sipped his eggnog, which had more brandy than
eggnog. He munched the food on his plate while listening to music and drawing by the dim light. The
brandy seemed to relax him more than he realized and he really couldn't see too well to draw. He set his
sketchpad down and picked up the bells that had fallen earlier. Justin pulled the chenille Christmas throw
that was on the back of the couch over his body. He closed his eyes thinking of Brian and the night of the
bells when he had given Justin the pajamas. He drifted off to sleep while reliving the wonderful
memories.

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December 2

"It's the most wonderful time of the year, with the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you `Be of
good cheer'..."

Justin turned down the music, but continued to hum the song as he finished wrapping Molly's gift. He and
his mother were due over to Debbie's for dinner and he needed to make sure the gift was snoop proof.
Christmas was three weeks away but Molly was already on the prowl for gifts, knowing her mother and
Justin went shopping after Thanksgiving. Justin caught her trying to open a couple boxes delivered by
UPS the day before and gave her a stern warning. He picked up the box full of jewelry making materials
and set it on the top shelf of his closet, then covered it with a spare blanket. He wondered if the blanket
was enough camouflage.

Justin walked out of his closet as his mother entered his room with an armload of laundry. "Mom, I could
have done that myself."

"I know sweetheart, but let me spoil you a little longer."

Justin smiled at her. "Okay." He stopped a minute and looked at his mother. "It'll be okay, I'm ready to go
back to Debbie's. And you need to get back to where you were headed before the prom."

"Justin, I'm not sure where I was headed. You coming home, well, it slowed down a process that maybe
was going to fast."

"Well, then, if I leave, Dad can come back."

"No, sweetheart, it's not that, and I'm not sure Daddy coming back will ever happen."

"He stopped dating that Lydia bitch, didn't he?"

"Justin!"

Justin ignored his mother's protest over his choice words to describe his father's trophy. "And he started
spending more time with you and Molly. Christmas time is a perfect time to try and get things back the
way they were."

His mother just looked at him and then raised her eyebrows a bit.

"Okay, so not quite the way they were, but he seems to want to spend time with you and Molly."

"I know honey, but I'm just not sure he's doing it for all the right reasons."

"What are the right reasons, mom? If you and Dad wanted to reconcile, then now would be a good time. If
I wasn't here, he might come back, and you wouldn't have to put the house back on the market."

"Justin, I am going to re-list the house regardless. It's too big for just Molly and me." She looked at Justin
and reached out to run her hand along his cheek. "Honey, believe it or not, you took up a lot of space. It's
lonely here now. Besides the house will sell quickly in this market and with the mortgage rates so low,
and Molly and I will have a nice new home somewhere else."

"But if Dad was here..."

"Honey, that is not likely to happen. It's not just a matter of Daddy coming back, it's a matter if I want
him to come back. Justin, Sweetheart, I know you have always felt that you are to blame for our breakup,
but Honey you aren't. Daddy and I were in trouble for a while, we just ignored the problems. Yes, your
coming out may have exposed the problems, but Daddy and I knew they were there, you just saw them
for the first time."

"But if I hadn't...well, maybe you and Dad could have worked it out."

"Honey, stop it. You didn't cause the problems, you just made us look at them honestly for the first time."

"But you are losing and changing everything. What about Molly?"

"Molly is fine Justin. And I am not losing anything or anyone. "

"But Dad might..."

Jennifer sighed, realizing it would take time for Justin to realize his parents were adults and had their own
desires and needs. "Honey, you need to let this go. If Daddy and I get back together we will do it alone,
without help, and it won't be an overnight process."

Justin looked at his mother with sadness in his eyes. He started to say something else but was quickly
silenced.

"Justin, get ready for Deb's, I don't want to be late."

"But I could stay here, if it meant you keeping the house and not feeling...." Even as Justin suggested it he
could hear the sound of reluctance in his own voice.

Jennifer looked at her adult son. That was the key word. Adult. "No, Justin, you were right last week
when we talked about it. No time for looking back. Not right now. You need to move forward and you
need to let Daddy and me do the same. It's time for you to get back to growing up, and for Daddy and me
to do the same. You know you have to realize that even your parents change and grow, and what may be
good for you, is also good for us. You need your independence and maybe we do too. If your father and I
are meant to get back together, it will take a lot of time, healing and growing. We aren't the same people
who got married all those years ago."

Justin could almost accept this if he really could believe his parents were better off apart, but he wasn't
sure. "Are you sure Mom? Isn't there something I can do?"

"Justin, you say that as if you are really asking me if it wasn't something you did."

Justin looked down at his bed. "Wasn't it?"

"As complicated as all this seems Justin, the simple answer is no." His mother smiled at him to soften her
next words. "So learn to live with the fact that not everything in this world has something to do with you."

Justin looked at her rather sheepishly, realizing his mother had spoken and revealed more about her
relationship with his father than ever before. He decided to let it go. "It doesn't?"

Jennifer laughed, "No, sorry Honey, you aren't the center of the universe, although you do seem have a
talent for making it seem that way. I'll have to remember to ask Brian how you two met, I suspect you
were doing something to catch his attention.

"MOM!"

Jennifer laughed again. "I guess I better not, huh? That's okay, I'm sure I'm better off not knowing the
particulars." She paused for a moment as if to collect her thoughts. "Justin, going back to what we were
talking about before ---change and growth, I want you have all the positive experiences your dad and I
had at your age. They are important. I want you to have the whole college experience. I wish there were

dorm rooms available. Although, I would rather someone was around to keep an eye on you so I shouldn't
be complaining."

Justin shook his head. "Debbie is the ultimate house mother --- you could consider my room there a dorm
room. God knows I still share it with all of Michael's things, it's like living with someone who decorates
the room and then is never around to suffer through it with you."

Jennifer started laughing. "Debbie did mention it might be time to get rid of the motorcycles, but Michael
was unhappy about it."

"What did she say?" Justin asked hopefully. He turned to the radio and turned it up a bit. He kept
humming the other song and now he needed another tune to get it out of his head.

Jennifer listened to the song a moment before replying. "I like the one before better, it was Johnny
Mathias."

Justin rolled his eyes, "What did she say? Paint? Please, oh God, let her have said plain, old fashioned,
one color paint."

Jennifer laughed. "She mentioned something about rainbow wallpaper."

Justin walked over to stand by his bed, next to where his mother set his laundry, and he clasped his hands
in supplication. "No, no, please tell me you are joking."

His mother just smiled and left the room.

Justin sat down on the bed. "Shit."

"Justin, I heard that."

He needed a dorm room, but at least Debbie let him swear occasionally. Justin fell back on his bed and
groaned. The music seemed loud in the quiet room.

"Giddy-up jingle horse pick up your feet, jingle around the clock, mix

and a-mingle in the jingling feet that's the jingle bell, that's the

jingle bell, that's the jingle bell rock."

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"No, I won't do it."

"Come on Sunshine, it's for a good cause and you'll look so cute."

"No Deb, no!"

"Honey, really, it'll be okay. And we already said you would."

"Mooommm!" He looked at his mother with shock. Justin pushed his dinner plate away from him and
reached for his glass of wine. He tried to calm himself down as he took a sip. He set the glass down and
looked at the two women sitting across from him. "No, I won't do it. You'll just have to tell them you
were mistaken and I can't do it."

"How can we do that? You are going to be there aren't you?" Debbie gave him a determined look.

"No I'm not." He looked around the table hoping to find help or protection. Michael sat there with a snide
smile on his face --- no help there. Vic was trying not to laugh and Justin knew there would be no help
there either; Vic was enjoying his discomfort too much. Then he spied Brian. Brian sat there, looking
down, talking quietly to Gus. "I have plans, with Brian." Brian's head came up and looked at Justin.
"Right?" Justin asked.

Brian saw the pleading look in Justin's eyes, smiled slowly and shook his head. "Yes, we do. We are
going to the PFLAG Christmas party."

"NOOO!" Justin wailed and stood up. "I'm not doing it." He walked out of the kitchen and headed for the
back door. He opened the door, walked out and slammed it behind him. The only sound in the room for a
few moments was the jingling of the bells on the wreath caused by the door being slammed shut.

Debbie looked at Jennifer. "He'll do it."

Jennifer shook his head, "I don't know, he seemed pretty upset and determined. When Justin really sets
his mind on something he generally gets his way."

All eyes looked down the table at Brian. "What?"

Debbie stood up and walked over to Brian, she took Gus out of his arms. "Go fix it."

"What do you mean fix it? I told him we were going. Not that I am, but..."

"You are too going, and you are going to make sure he is there and he does this."

"Deb, you over estimate the influence I have on Justin." Brian reached out a hand to Gus and heard
several snickers from the direction of Ted, Emmett and Vic.

Debbie took a step away. "Yeah, right. Go. Or I'll rediscover some old pictures from yours and Michael's
debut."

"Get out there Brian." Michael looked mortified.

Brian sighed and stood up. "The things I do for you Mikey!"

"Yeah, like you want anyone seeing those pictures either."

Brian smiled and popped a black olive into his mouth. "Unlike you Mikey, I always take a beautiful
picture. I looked marvelous, majestically wearing my antlers, you on the other hand..." Brian shrugged
and started for the door.

Michael groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

Emmett perked up at the comment. "Antlers? Antlers? Michael you wore antlers? When? Why? Deb,
please can we see the pictures?"

"Well, sure."

"Brian!" Michael yelled after him, stopping Brian as he reached for the doorknob.

Brian turned around and looked at Deb. "A deal's a deal Deb. You want Justin then those pictures get
burned."

Debbie laughed. "I want Justin. Sorry Em, maybe next year."

"Oh Pooh!" Emmett pouted as he sat back in his chair.

"Good, I have a whole year to find them," Michael said to no one in particular.

Jennifer watched Brian go out the door with a small frown on her face. She did want Justin to do this but
she didn't want Brian coercing him. She didn't want to think he really had that much influence over Justin.
"Brian, wait."

Brian stopped and looked back, halfway out the door. Jennifer got up and walked over to him. "Brian,
only if he really wants to, okay?"

He smiled, "As tantalizing a vision he may make, I would never force him to do anything Jennifer ---
unless it was for his own good. And dressing up as an elf isn't one. I'll try a little persuasion, but having
once been forced into antlers myself, I won't force Justin into tights."

Jennifer suddenly smiled. Maybe she was overreacting a bit --- it was just an elf suit and he would look so
cute. He was an elf once before, when he was six. She started to laugh at the memory of his first grade
Christmas pageant.

Brian watched the expression on her face change from concerned to happy. "What?"

Jennifer was still laughing. "He looked so cute as an elf when he was six."

"So he's already been an elf once?" Brian asked. He was starting to envision Justin in an elf suit with
green or red tights. He was wondering which would look better.

Jennifer nodded. "Brian, tell him he won't be alone. Ted and Emmett don't know it but they are next on
Debbie's hit list.

Brian smirked and then suddenly frowned. "I better not be on the list!"

Jennifer reached out and grabbed the doorknob, trying to keep a grin off her face. "No, never."

"I don't believe you," Brian accused.

"You'll just have to trust me." Jennifer took a step back and pushed the door closed on a worried Brian.

"Why don't I believe her?" Brian muttered as he turned to look for Justin. He spotted Justin sitting on the
top of the picnic table, hands tucked under his arms as he tried to stay warm. `Probably because he must
have learned it all from her,' he thought as looked at Justin's blond hair. Brian shook his head and started
for his little frozen elf.

He sat down behind Justin and gathered him up in his arms. "You are cold. Let's go inside."

"I'm not going to do it Brian. I'm not an idiot. They sent you out here to work on me... convince me to be
an elf. Even the great Brian Kinney can't make me. I can't be an elf again. I did it when I was six. It was
awful. Well, I'm not going to do it..."

"Please, for me?"

"For you?"

Brian moved his head so he was able to speak directly into Justin's ear. He gave Justin's cold ear a kiss.
Justin seemed to shiver a bit more at his touch. "Yes, for me. Ever since Debbie mentioned it I keep
seeing you in this elf costume with green tights, no, red tights. Damn I can't decide. Which do you think
would be better?"

Justin shrugged. He felt Brian's hot breath on his cold ear, it sent shivers up his back. Then Brian's hot
lips were kissing his ear again. "De...depends on the ja...jacket I guess. But what do I get if I do this?"

"A reward," Brian answered suggestively.

Justin stood and turned so he could stand between Brian's legs at the narrow end of the picnic table. He
moved in close. "A good reward? One that makes me very happy?" Justin kissed Brian lightly on the lips,
and then moved his head to warm one of Brian's cold earlobes with his mouth.

"That feels good. Can your reward make me happy too?"

"Christmas is the season for giving." Justin breathed hotly into his ear, "So yes, it should make you happy
too. Have you decided on what color tights? Remember the jacket color."

"No, you can't count the jacket color. I'm seeing you in just the tights, as I slowly strip you. I like to
unwrap my packages slowly. I think green."

"Red looks better on me."

"Mmmm, you're right." Brian stood up and pulled Justin closer. Their lips met, Justin's coldness to Brian's
warmth. "And bells?" Justin put his arms around Brian as they continued to kiss.

"Bells?" Justin murmured. He tried to snuggle closer to Brian as they kissed again.

"Bells, I think. Just a couple, made with a soft material, hung around a certain ornament to decorate it
properly."

"Really?" Justin whispered huskily. "I've never seen jingle bells like that."

"Don't worry, I have them. They are light, comfortable and a lot of fun to ring."

The two men smiled and tried not to laugh as they kissed. "Brian?"

"Yes Justin."

"Will you be wearing bells on your ornament?" Justin asked as he rubbed his cold nose against Brian's.

"No, I come fully decorated with two balls of my own." Justin exploded into laughter and Brian smiled as
he watched his lover. "So you'll do it Justin?"

"Yes, how could I not with the promise of that kind of reward." He kissed Brian again, his tongue
pressing forward into Brian's mouth.

All the warmth their bodies generated could not combat the cold Pittsburgh weather. After a few minutes
Brian could feel Justin's body shaking from the cold. "Come on, let's go inside and get warm."

"If you want that to happen we should just go to the loft." Justin smiled lightly.

"We will after dessert, and after you tell those two women, who love you very much, that you will be the
Christmas Elf."

"Oh, Brian." Justin whined a bit. "I'm just doing this for the reward you are going to give me. I just want
you to know that."

"I know, but they don't have to know that. "

"Trust me, my mom doesn't want to know that."

They both laughed as they headed for the door. As Justin reached for the doorknob, Brian reached out for
his hand to stop him. "Seriously Justin, if you don't want to do this, you can still have the reward."

Justin looked up at Brian, "Would I still have to wear red tights for the reward?"

Brian looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, it might help with the size and length of your reward."

Justin leaned up and spoke in soft seductive voice into Brian's ear. "And if I wore these tights in front of
everyone and danced around the stage in them, would that help with the size and length?"

"Definitely," Brian whispered back.

Justin kissed Brian's cheek before he pulled away. "Then I'll do it --- for Debbie and my mom --- of
course."

"Of course. You are doing this strictly for charity, spirit of the season and with no expectation of
payment."

"Exactly --- altruistic, charitable, generous, self-sacrificing, that's me."

"Right." Brian pulled Justin close and whispered into his ear, "And don't forget I want the bells too."

"Bells?"

Brian nodded as he opened the door. "Yeah, I want my present decorated. You have to wear the bells that
night too." He pushed an open-mouthed Justin into the house, shouting "Hey moms, here's your elf."

Justin's face had blushed red and then folded into a grimace as his mother and Debbie descended on him.

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December 8

Justin lay next to Brian slowly caressing the other man's chest and abdomen.

"I don't understand why Brian. This place would look phenomenal and think of Gus. He would love it,
you could put a train under the tree and bells on the door and..."

"No Justin."

"You never have?"

"Sort of have, but mostly no."

"Why?"

Brian was silent for a moment, as if thinking. Justin waited to hear the answer. He wondered if he would
get the truth. "I like to go barefoot."

"Huh?" Apparently he was not going to get the truth.

"The needles from the tree get everywhere. I'd be picking them out of the furniture, dusting them up from
the corners, and pulling them out of my feet for months after the tree was gone."

"Your cleaning lady would take care of that and you can get an artificial tree. No needles." Justin realized
Brian was probably being truthful to some degree. Brian hated mess --- emotional and physical mess.

"I don't decorate."

"Bullshit, I've seen parties here. You do too decorate."

"I don't decorate," Brian insisted.

Justin ignored him. "And we are not talking everything you did for Michael's party."

"I didn't do all the decorating Justin."

Justin continued to ignore Brian. He figured he had to try to guilt the man who doesn't believe in guilt, so
he claims, into doing something. It was going to be very tricky. "I know it was Michael, and you spared
no expense. I'm just talking about something small," Justin paused for effect. "For Gus."

Brian frowned a bit at the reference to Michael and sparing no expense for him, it was as if Justin was
claiming he wouldn't do it for anyone else, not for Gus and not for him. Brian moved away from Justin
and looked down at him. "For Gus?"

"Well, yeah, who else would you do it for? Come on Brian. Just a little decorating, I'm just talking about a
tree, some garland and a train - for Gus."

"Justin let it go." Brian reached for a cigarette and his lighter.

Justin moved a bit, moving back beside the older man, putting his arm around Brian's waist, almost as if
by doing that he could keep Brian from slipping away emotionally. "Is it something to do with Christmas,
a sort of bah humbug, Scrooge thing?"

"No, I do Christmas. Sort of."

"What? Like last year?"

"What about last year?"

"You gave a few gift certificates and disappeared for days. I thought you went with family but you didn't,
did you?"

Brian pushed Justin away and sat up. "Enough Justin."

"You weren't at Lindsay's last year and you never showed up at Deb's. I know you were invited both
places. I was there. Where were you? Lindsay and Deb both said you were normally around for Christmas
but hadn't been the last two years." Justin rolled over and pouted a bit. "I didn't see you for four days."

"I was away."

Justin rolled back to look at Brian. "Where?"

"That's all you need to know Justin." Justin wasn't put off that easily and Brian knew it.

"Don't you want to spend Christmas with all of us?"

"Enough." Brian threw his lighter back on the table with a loud clunk. Brian didn't say any more. He sat
back, ignoring Justin and looking at the glowing tip of his cigarette.

Justin wasn't buying the `Be quiet, I'm annoyed' routine that Brian often used to shut him up. "What about
this year? Don't you want to be with me if I was staying? Or Gus, when he opens his presents? He
understands more this year, at least about opening stuff."

"Justin!" Brian looked over at Justin. He could tell the younger man was not going to let it go. "Same
plans as last year." He bit out. "No changes, not for you, not for Gus."

Justin didn't really believe he wanted to be away from Gus on Christmas, not the way he doted on his son.
He persisted in wanting to know more. "What plans?"

Brian was angry. "I go to a nameless inn and fuck nameless people for a few days until the rest of the
world comes back to its senses." He looked at Justin's stunned face. He knew his own face was set in

harsh lines. "Okay? That solve your mystery? No great secret, no Brian off doing selfless, nameless acts
of good for charities, the hungry, the poor, or the homeless. They get checks and I get to escape."

Justin rolled over and sat up facing the other way. This was not going well, it may take longer than he
anticipated. He just wanted to decorate and maybe get Brian to ask him about spending Christmas
together. "Oh. So I won't see you at all?"

Brian sidestepped the question. "What is this all about? You've got plans already don't you? Aren't you
leaving on what --- the twenty-third? You aren't even going to be here. Why should it matter what I do?"

"I am supposed to leave but...well... I sort of... what if I stayed here?"

"But you are not going to stay here. You are going with your family. I'm not staying here either. So don't
even think about whatever plan you are concocting in that manipulating mind of yours. You stay here and
you are still going to be alone!" Brian looked down at Justin, he could see disappointment in his eyes but
he wasn't sure what it was from. Brian tried to soften the exchange a bit, but he wasn't even sure why.
"Hey, what are all your plans, where are you going? I don't even know where you country club folks go
on Christmas."

Justin made a face at him. "Well, I have a few invitations actually. You know I'm supposed to leave with
my mom and Molly on the twenty-third. We are going to my aunt's place, we've gone there since I was 6
or 7. I didn't go with them last year because of my dad and all, but this year she wants me there. I sort of
missed it but..." Justin shrugged rather than finishing his thought.

Brian sat back against his pillows. He was not going to reopen the discussion on Justin joining him for
Christmas. He put the cigarette he hadn't bothered to smoke out in the ashtray. "Where's your aunt's
place? Out in the country? Gettysburg? Philadelphia?"

"Colorado."

"Colorado?" Brian repeated, surprised by the news. He had no idea Justin would be that far away. He
waited a moment and when Justin stayed silent Brian made a motion with his hand wanting Justin to
continue.

"My Aunt Maureen and her husband lived near Aspen. Every year my mom's whole family spends
Christmas there, even my Dad's sister and her family go."

"So every year your family skis in Aspen at Christmas?" Brian asked, amazed at this tidbit.

"More or less. My uncle changed jobs so Aunt Maureen moved to Telluride last year, so I guess it will be
different this Christmas."

"And you are going."

"I guess, I was considering my other invitations and..." Justin looked away and lowered his voice before
continuing, "Maybe waiting for one more."

"If the last one you are waiting for is from me, you can cross that off the list right now."

Justin didn't turn and look at him, but he shook his head a bit as if denying that was what he was waiting
for. When Justin remained silent, Brian prodded him with his elbow. "Other invitations? Why are you
even considering them when you can go with your family to Telluride?"

Justin sat up and moved so he could face Brian on the bed. "It's just hard to be with them, you know? My
cousins don't even email me anymore and my mom's parents didn't even send me a birthday present this
year. Molly let it slip there was a lot of whispering that went on last year. I guess my parents,
grandparents and one of my aunts had a huge fight and my mother was really mad. So I'm just not sure
about going."

Brian nodded understandingly, he knew all to well what a family Christmas could be like when everyone
had secrets or hated each other. "What about the others?"

"Well there's Debbie's but there's a problem with that one too. Christmas is at her cousin's this year. Last
year was okay because it was at her house and I could escape to my room. And the only one I know that I
can talk to is Michael, and he hasn't been really easy to chat with lately."

"Vic will be there."

"Yeah, but he's always in the middle of family stuff. And he took off last year in the middle of the day
and I bet he will again this year."

"Who else?"

"Lindsay and Mel invited me but I think it's a ploy by Lindsay because she thinks it will get you there.
And that won't work will it?" Justin looked hopefully at Brian. All he received was an adamant shake of
the head signifying a big no.

"Oh well." Justin regrouped. "But I am going to their Hanukkah feast for the lighting of the first candle.
Lindsay wants me to meet Mel's family." Justin stopped at looked at Brian. "Why?"

Brian started laughing. "It's an experience not to be missed, just look out for cousin Rita and a podiatrist
carrying horseradish."

"What?"

Brian smiled, `"Keep going, who else?"

"Emmett invited me to eat with him and his new boyfriend. Ted is going to be there too. Emmett later
said Ted invited them to all stop by his mother's. I could tag along. I think that's a no go. Ted on
Christmas?" Justin shook his head. "No, I don't think so, and what if his family is as depressed as he is? It
runs in families you know? And..." Justin got quiet again.

"And?" Brian jostled him a bit.

"Well, Tessa and Eric asked me over. They aren't doing anything special and are inviting other students
who can't get home or do not celebrate Christmas to go to a winter celebration. I think we are all supposed
to dress as snowflakes or something."

"Eric and Tessa? The ones who wanted to sleep with you? Together?"

"Yeah."

Brian just kept looking at Justin.

"I sorted it out Brian, they know that is not going to happen."

"Eric is hot."

"Yeah, but I am not interested in Tessa and she is interested in me. She made it clear --- no her, no Eric.
Besides I don't want him."

"You certainly have met some interesting friends at college."

"I guess but no one quite like those two. Sometimes I feel like a piece of meat that they are drooling
over."

Brian snickered. "It's got to be bad if you feel it."

Justin hit Brian with his hand in reaction. "Hey! What do you mean by that?"

Brian grabbed his hand. "Justin you dance practically naked, with absolute abandon on the floor of one of
Pittsburgh's largest meat markets and you don't feel the way you do when these two look at you when you
are fully clothed sitting behind a desk. That says a lot about how uncomfortable you feel around them."

"They weird me out. I swear she's looking at my ass half the time and my dick the other half."

"And Eric isn't?"

"Well, I don't mind it as much from him."

Brian started laughing and Justin launched himself at Brian. The two wrestled on the bed until Brian had
Justin beneath him, he had had to grab Justin's hands in his own and pin them over his head in order to
win the wrestling match. "Do you mind it when I look at your ass?

"No, I mind it when you don't."

Brian kissed Justin slowly and deeply. Are a few minutes he came up for air. "Do you have to call home?"

Justin looked up into his lover's eyes. "No, I already told her I wouldn't be home tonight."

Brian nodded and kissed him on the nose.

"I hate this Brian."

"`What? Kissing?"

"No, having my mother know every time I'm here. I'm really ready to move back to Debbie's and then
maybe into the dorm next year."

"You sure about leaving home?"

"I did that a year ago Brian. I just had to move back ... because... you know."

"I know. IS your Mom going to be okay about it?"

"She says she is. In fact, I think she's better about it than me. They want to sell the house and I'm sort of
the hold up."

"I doubt your Mom feels that way."

"Yeah, but I do and I think my Dad does too."

"He stopped seeing that secretary from the office?"

"Yes." Justin started to laugh. "Apparently someone pointed out that the age difference between you and
me was less than him and the bitch he's doing."

"Justin! I am ashamed of you, calling some poor woman that," Brian claimed mockingly. He knew he had
used that same word when thinking about many of his father's girlfriends. He wondered what his mother
called them. His mother was no Jennifer Taylor. Justin always referred to her as `that Lydia bitch,' or `the
trophy.' He confided in Brian once that he thought his father wanted another son, so he could prove it
wasn't him that created the gay son but his mother. Brian briefly wondered what Justin's mother thought
about it. He'd have to ask her sometime. He realized Justin was speaking again.

"Well, it's the way I feel. He didn't lose anytime in dating. He never came to see me. I told you, I think he
wanted to have another kid. Molly hated the girlfriend, and I think my mom suspects it's been going on a
lot longer than Dad admits to. That seems over but what happens next? It's a fucking mess and I seemed
to have caused it."

"Justin, if you are going into self-pity mode you had better leave."

Justin dropped his head back on to the bed. "I know, it's not my fault, it just seems like it sometimes."

"Your parents problems aren't yours."

"That's what my mom said earlier today when we talked."

"I thought we had already covered that in `How to Be a Good Homosexual 101'."

Justin laughed. "I passed that class didn't I?"

"Yes, you did, with an A minus."

"Only an A minus?"

"Yes, you talk too much at important points in lovemaking."

"Like when?"

"Like now."

"Oh."

Brian mouth descended on Justin's. And not another word was said for some time.

Brian let go of Justin's wrists and ran his hands along Justin's arms. Justin opened his legs and Brian
settled between them, the movement aligning their cocks, pressing the burgeoning organs against each
other. The kissing intensified as they ground their groins against each other. They had all night.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 11, 2001

"... I hear those J-I-N-G-L-E bells, I hear those J-I-N-G-L-E Bells, those

J-I-N-G-L-E B-E-DOUBLE L -S bells..."

"Justin, how old is this song they are playing?"

"Huh?" Justin looked at her blankly as he moved sweaters on the shelves.

The woman next to Daphne looked up. "Old, it's Frank Sinatra."

Daphne looked at the woman. "Thanks." She looked back over at Justin who had never bothered to more
than grunt at her.

"Justin! What are you going to do?" Daphne looked down at the sweater she was holding up.

Justin finally looked up. "That's ugly Daph."

"I was thinking about it for you."

"Figures."

"Seriously Justin, what are you going to do about Christmas? You are going with your mom aren't you?"

"Daphne you've been home two days, and already you are arranging my schedule." Justin moved to
another counter. "How's this look?"

"For you?"

Justin shook his head. "Michael."

"Too nice."

"Daphne!"

"What?" She paused a moment, "I just meant it's a little sophisticated for him isn't it? And besides, give it
up Justin, you two still make worse enemies look like allies sometimes."

"Daph, we are trying. It's just that he still can't figure out why Brian is with me."

"Is he with you?"

Justin shrugged. "More or less."

Since the bashing and his recovery Brian and he were more involved. He had spent a lot of time with
Justin after he was out of the hospital. Brian didn't like visiting him in the hospital and he was there for
five weeks. But once he got out, he saw Brian almost every day. Jennifer always made herself scarce,
taking Molly out or staying by the pool for the time Brian visited. Once Justin was able to get around
without a guard, he started going to Brian's. One good thing about his attack was that his mother had
accepted his friends and counted on Emmett, especially, to sit with Justin when she had to go out. Even
Michael would take a turn. Justin referred to them as his guards. No one would ever admit it but he was
sure there was a schedule worked out and hanging on someone's wall. He was rarely alone in the hospital
and either Emmett, Deb or his mother were always at his physical and occupational therapy sessions.

The Chris Hobbs trial was also a non-happening, just as he was getting himself ready to testify they
learned Hobbs took a plea bargain that the D.A. had put forth. The DA never expected Hobbs to take it,
but at the last minute he agreed, surprising everyone. The DA was pleased because he was worried about
jury selection and that the defense would try put the victim and witness, Justin and Brian, on trial. Hobbs
had gone to a minimum detention center for 7 to 10 years and would not be eligible for parole for 4 years.
Melanie thought they were afraid of facing federal charges that Senator Baxter had been pressing for so
they took the bargain. They later found out that Chris was sent to a minimum facility but because of
overcrowded prisons, his age, and first time offender status he was living in a halfway house near
Philadelphia with an ankle bracelet. He was working as maintenance at a local recovery center for
disabled victims of violent crimes and apparently attending some sort of college classes.

Brian was unhappy with the news, as was Justin's mother. All Justin knew was that Chris was gone for 4
years. Melanie was in the process of trying to get the DA to investigate if Hobbs family connections
resulted in the placement and if it was in the works before they took the plea. The DA doubted he could
confirm or press any charges, but Melanie was not letting go of it. Justin wondered if part of Brian's
attention stemmed from a fear Hobbs would try to get at him again. He really hoped it was because Brian
loved him. He had cut down on his tricks and Justin was at the loft at least 3 nights a week.

"JUSTIN! Justin!" He looked up to see Daphne frowning at him. "Are you okay? Are you having one of
those spacey moments? I thought they stopped."

Justin looked around to see if anyone way paying attention to them. "Christ Daph, I was just thinking. I'm
fine. I've been fine for months."

"Then what's wrong?"

Justin sighed. "Brian."

"Nothing new there." Daphne rolled her eyes and made a face at him.

Justin just took a deep breath. "He hasn't asked me to spend Christmas with him."

Daphne looked at him confused. "But you are going away. He knows you are going away. You said he
was going away. Why would he ask?" They started to walk out of the store and headed down the street.
Justin leading and Daphne following.

"That's not the point Daph. He should want to spend it with me. He should ask."

"Justin, why should he ask if you are both going away and you both know it."

"You don't understand."

"No one would understand!" Daphne exploded in disgust.

Justin knew he couldn't explain it; he just wanted Brian to want to spend the holidays with him. Even if
they couldn't be together he still wanted Brian to say he wished they were going to be together. After
everything he just needed for Brian to say he wanted him and would miss him. But Brian wasn't giving
him that, in fact, Brian seemed to want to be alone.

He looked at his best friend. He shrugged. "I just wanted him to want to be with me."

Daphne just reached out and took his hand because there was nothing she could say. Justin held her hand
and gave it a squeeze. She looked up as they approached the entrance to an exclusive men's store.

"Justin. There is no way I can even guess what goes on it that gorgeous head of his. But look at it this
way, look how many other people want you to spend Christmas with them. You said you had a bunch of
invites, and you can always come to my house."

"Daph, you know that's an empty invitation. First, I'm going to Telluride and second, you are going to
your uncle's in Boston."

"Oh, that's right. Shit. I'm getting to old for this. You will come to the house after New Year's won't you?"

"Your mom cooking for Kwanza?"

"Try and stop her, she's already planning the menu." Daphne stopped and looked up as the doorman
opened the door to the store. "What are we doing here?"

Justin just gave her a look.

"Oh, I forgot, how stupid. Brian."

Justin just smiled and nodded.

"Can you afford this?"

"We are going to find that out right now."

The two teenagers entered into the halls of Brian's religion, his church - the aisles of designer labels.

".....City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, In the air

there's a feeling of Christmas. Children laughing, people passing, meeting

smile after smile, And on every street corner you hear .... Silver bells, silver bells, it's Christmastime in
the city. Hear the bells

go ding-a-ling, hear them ring Soon it will be Christmas day...."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three hours later, the two sat in Starbucks having a drink and listening to music. Daphne had settled for a
caramel macchiato and Justin for a decaf white chocolate mocha. They were surrounded with bags, full of
treasures.

"I like that pin you got Debbie."

"Yeah, it's nice. Do you think the cologne is the right thing for my dad? Is it too personal or is it too
impersonal?"

"Justin, did you use to give him something like that?"

Justin nodded.

"Then it's not impersonal. It's a great scent. Umm, do you think he will even open it?"

"I don't know, I don't even know what he is doing for Christmas, but I still want to give him something."

"I noticed you paid for some stuff with a debit card, but Brian's was cash."

"Brian's gift is too personal, I don't want it coming from my living allowance."

"My parents give me my allowance the same way. How's it going with the budget?"

"Not bad, I baby-sit Gus and work once or twice a week in the diner so I have been able to save money. I
try not to spend a lot so my dad can't find something else wrong with me. Mom always makes sure there
is enough in my account but she has explained to me that this account is my first lesson in real world
budgeting. What about you?"

"Frugal is not my name Justin, but I got Daddy's number."

Justin laughed. Daphne's mother was strict but she knew how to get around her father. She was spoiled
and her father was the guilty party. "Let me guess, he puts money in your account when your Mom isn't
looking."

"My dad loves me."

"Yeah." Justin was suddenly silent.

Daphne realized how that must have sounded. "Justin, I'm so sorry I..."

Justin cut her off. "Daph, come on, it's okay. You're lucky to have a dad who loves you unconditionally,
don't be sorry about it."

They finished their coffee and gathered up their shopping bags.

Daphne saw Justin looking unsure. "Justin?"

"Do you think he'll like it?"

"He's going to love that cologne."

Justin laughed, "No, Brian --- the other man who doesn't want me for Christmas."

Daphne took Justin's arm and pulled him out of the coffee house. "Of course he'll love it. It's the perfect
color, the perfect style, the perfect label and ridiculously expensive --- what's not to like!"

"...Strings of street lights, even stop lights blink a bright red and green

As the shoppers rush home with their treasures. Hear the snow crunch, see the kids bunch, this is Santa's
big scene, And above all this bustle you

hear Silver bells, silver bells, it's Christmastime in the city. Hear the

bells go ding-a-ling, hear them ring, Soon it will be Christmas day...."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 12

The alarm had a few minutes before it went off but both men were awake. Justin was cuddled up behind
Brian, his arm lightly resting along Brian's waist.

"Brian?"

"What?"

"Please?"

"No." Brian was wondering how long Justin was going to keep this up. He wondered why Justin was
keeping this up. He wasn't Scrooge. He actually wouldn't mind having the place decorated, but he hated
giving into Justin's nagging. He might have put up a tree given a choice. He actually liked Christmas. The
last few years he had just been too busy to do it and then everyone thought he was the reincarnation of
Benjamin Marley from Dickens's `Christmas Carol' so he let them. How he spent the last two Christmases
and the upcoming one would probably surprise all of them. He felt Justin give him a shake to get his
attention.

"I'll do it all, and then I'll put it all away. You won't even be here for most of it, but Gus will enjoy it."

"Justin, please, enough."

"I'll do it all, I'll use all artificial stuff, no needles, no tinsel."

"How did you know I hate tinsel?"

"I figured you would because it sticks to everything. I'll use lights and fake poinsettias."

"It'll look cheap Justin."

Justin saw a break in the wall. The last comment from Brian sounded like a positive answer. "No, I'll
make sure it doesn't, trust me --- I'm an artist."

"An artist? I better not see a red and green soup can painted on a wall Justin."

"Brian, that's a yes." A definite yes!

"No it isn't." Brian was trying to recover from what had slipped out. When had he decided to let Justin
decorate? He had not wanted to give into him, but he found himself doing it more and more. "Justin,
listen, slow down here..." Brian's mouth was covered with a hand and Justin straddled him.

"That was a `yes' Brian Kinney and don't try to take it back. I knew there was a little bit of Christmas in
you somewhere."

Brian shook his head no, but he was trying not to smile at the look on Justin's face. The triumphant smile
seemed to light his eyes and make him look so happy that Brian had to take a breath.

"Yes, Brian, it was a yes." Justin took Brian's head in his hands and tried to make it go up and down.

Brian swatted his hands away. "Alright, maybe it was a little yes." He grabbed Justin's hands and pulled
him tightly to him, and he spoke in as stern a voice as he could. He needed to at least make Justin think he
was still in control, even if he wasn't. "Justin, all it means it that you can put up a few things and only for
6 days. They go up on the twenty-second, since Gus is coming to stay overnight that day, and it all comes
down the day after Christmas. I want the stuff out of here, never to be seen or mentioned again."

"Yes!" Justin promised.

"And."

"And what?"

"Nobody knows this happened."

Justin frowned. "Why?"

"That's the deal, take it or leave it."

"But won't everyone come here at some point?"

"No, I'll pick up Gus and bring him here and drop him off to Lindsay when I leave town. No one will be
here."

"But Brian, how will I get it down and out of here by the day after Christmas? I won't be back until the
twenty-ninth."

"Then I guess you can't do it."

"No, I'll figure out a way."

"If you don't, don't bother coming back!"

"I'll talk to Mrs. Miller, maybe I can work something out with her. You trust her to oversee it don't you?"

"I better, she's my housekeeper."

"Yes, that should work." Justin was thoughtful for a moment. "Umm, Brian?"

Brian took the pillow from under his head and put it over his ears. "What?"

"Do I have a decorating budget?"

"Justin!" He pulled the pillow off his head and started hitting the younger man with it. Justin rolled with
the pillow hits, laughing at his lover. He grabbed the pillow from Brian and tossed it to the floor. Brian
attacked with his hands, tickling Justin until the blond rolled off the bed to get away from him.

Brian lay across the bed waiting. Justin moaned and then sat up. He looked at the younger man. "How big
of a budget?"

"Enough to get a really neat train for Gus."

"You are really hung up on this train thing, aren't you?"

"Yes, it's important, every little boy and Christmas tree should have one."

"Did you have one?"

Justin smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "No --- sort of. We had a tree most years but we were never
home for Christmas. But my Grandfather had a great train that would go under the tree, it was an old style
one, it chugged along pulling these cars that were painted like old English train cars."

"What happened to it?"

Justin tried to go for sympathy with a sad, pouting look on his face. He sighed. "He gave it to Aunt
Maureen's son, my cousin Ross. Ross always got the better presents." Justin looked up to see if Brian was
buying the act.

"Why not you? You poor little rich boy."

"I suppose because we always go there for Christmas but I wasn't exactly Granddad's favorite."

Brian heard the sound of truth in Justin's voice. "Why?"

Justin tried to think of a reason why his mother's father didn't really seem to like him. There was nothing
specific. He just shrugged and answered with the only thing as a child he ever thought it was. "I hated
fishing."

Brian looked at Justin for a few moments. He realized Justin was telling the truth about his grandfather,
and that he really didn't have any idea. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Get a really good train for Gus --- and you."

"Me and Gus?" Justin crawled back up onto the bed. He kissed Brian on the lips, "Thank you, thank you,
thank you."

Brian laughed and pushed him down on the bed. "I have to get up." He stood up. He watched as a naked
Justin lay back down and snuggled back under the blankets. Brian smiled. "I have to get to work, I'll call
the design and decorator's place on Deer Park Avenue and reopen my account. Go there. And Justin?"

"What?" Justin sounded half asleep.

"Tasteful, please."

The lump under the sheets moved. "Will your decorator let me do anything else?"

"Not really."

"Thought so." Justin yawned. "I love college and late morning classes."

"Justin?"

"Mmmm?"

Brian turned and headed for the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."

Justin jumped out of bed and followed Brian into the bathroom. "I'm coming too!"

"Somehow I figured that out." Brian laughed as Justin grabbed him from behind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 13

Justin left the decorator's with a smile on his face. Brian had been very generous with the budget and
Justin made sure that the decorations could be stored and used each year. Luckily, the designer who had
helped Brian before with the interior layout and decoration of the loft was available. She still had the
sketches of the loft, and they were able to choose decorations, and placement for wreaths and lights.
Justin wanted to do a couple garland and light swags and he needed to take a few measurements since
Brian had made a couple alterations over the years. Otherwise Justin had everything picked out. He chose
deep reds and greens to warm the loft's interior. He also selected white lights for everything but the tree.
The 8-foot tree would be lit with large lights that resembled ornaments. No garland or tinsel, but it would
have crystal icicles on it that refracted the lights.

Justin had to shop for the tree ornaments and the train on his own. The designer felt those selections were
too personal. He stopped to call Brian from the design studio. Brian was a bit short on the phone, but
agreed to meet Justin at a department store on his lunch break. Justin was to have everything ready so
Brian only had to sign the charge slip. Justin planned on getting Brian to the toy store and the special
Christmas shop, to at least help pick out the train and an ornament for Gus.

Brian arrived and signed the charge slip. He was extremely unhappy to be laden down with shopping
bags. "Justin, didn't I say I wanted nothing to do with this. Wasn't I clear enough?" He looked at the
younger man's red cheeks and slightly sweaty forehead. "Are you getting a cold?"

"No, it was just warm in there. And like I told you on the phone, Blaine said we had to pick out the
ornaments ourselves but she would make sure the tree was ready for them."

As they reached the street Brian looked around. "I'm going to flag a taxi and send you on your merry
way."

"No, not yet. We have to go over to Cooper's and pick out a train."

"Justin!"

"Pleeeaaassee. It won't take long. And when Gus gives it to his child he can say his Dada picked it out."

"That's low Justin."

"Are you coming?"

"You are going to pay for this."

Justin laughed and sweated as he stood and watched Brian for over an hour while he picked out a train.
Surprisingly, Brian picked out a reproduction of an antique engine and cars. Justin half expected him to
either just point at something or go for a modern looking train. Instead, Brian picked one very similar to
the one Justin described to him the week before. Justin was pleased because it matched the very
traditional trimmings and decorations he had picked out.

They stepped out onto the street. "Taxi. Now, Justin!"

"But, I thought you could pick out an ornament for Gus over at the Christmas shop and then maybe we
could have lunch."

Brian rolled his eyes. "We did have lunch, just now. Justin, I work for a living and it's the end of the year.
I'm very busy."

Justin looked at him in disbelief. "It's the end of the year Brian. You have no campaigns on the board until
next month. Surely you can take a longer lunch hour." Justin felt himself pushed to the curb and a taxi
hailed. Brian looked irritated.

"Believe it or not Justin, I have work to do. A lot of it." The taxi pulled up and Brian opened the door. He
looked at the driver. "Pop the trunk!" He waved to the doorman at the toy store. He began to bring several
boxes to the taxi that contained the train set. He added his bags and then took Justin's many bags and
added them. He slammed the trunk down and tipped the doorman. He hustled Justin to the taxi door. He
looked at Justin's flushed face. "Go home and get lunch." Brian looked at Justin more closely and reached
out to feel his forehead. "Take a nap too."

Justin reached up to grab Brian's hand. "What time will you be home?"

Brian sighed. "I'm working late Justin, I don't know. You can stay but don't plan on me ---- for anything!"

Justin frowned but nodded. "Brian?"

Brian leaned down and gave the cab driver the address. "What?"

"Thanks."

Brian just shrugged and gave him a quick kiss. He pushed Justin down into the cab and watched it pull
away. He started back to the office although he still had a little time before his afternoon fiscal meeting
with Ryder. He hated this time of the year. He was senior management but low man on the management
food chain. For the last three years he had spent the last three weeks of December getting the annual
report ready. He not only had to do his own division, but he had to review each department and then
package the report for presentation on January 6th of every year. He had lied to Justin. The nameless inn
he spent the holidays at was the Ryder Agency and the nameless men he fucked were actually the
redundant and bland annual division summary reports that he had to turn into a fascinating, fact filled and
impressive annual report. After all Brian was their best ad man, even if he was selling the annual report.

Brian really did like Christmas. He even had some happy memories of the day, shared with a lot of bad.
He just didn't have time for it lately. He slowed as he walked past the `Christmas Shop' with all its unique
ornaments in the window. He saw a shiny glass ornament of a little boy holding a bear, not far was
another familiar image, an artist holding a palette. He was mesmerized for a moment. "Fuck you Justin. I
am going to make you suffer for this." He muttered under his breath. He looked around as if to see if
anyone was watching and then went into the store.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 14

"...Frosted window panes, candles gleaming inside, painted candy canes

on the tree. Santa's on his way, he's filled his sleigh with things; things

for you and for me..."

"Justin?"

Justin could hear his mother yelling from the front door. He yelled back "What?" as he made his way
from the kitchen.

"Where's Molly?"

"Playroom."

"Good, take this box and put it in the garage, on the top shelf of the cabinet."

Justin smiled and grabbed the box. "Mom, when are you going to ship all this?"

"That's the last of it. I sent a number of boxes to Mo last week. This stuff was just the last things I needed.
I'll wrap it tonight when Molly is asleep and send it all out by UPS on Monday."

"Will it get there in time?"

"It should. Maybe I'll send it second day air. Is there anything you need to send? I didn't bother to send
most of your stuff. I'll wrap it all and box it when we get there. I just sent everyone else's gift and a few of
Molly's gifts that are in big boxes. You know the rule..."

"No, my stuff went in the last mailing. And yes, I remember --- if it's too big we get it when we get home,
or Grandpa brings it in the car on his way back from Colorado as he heads to Florida. That always sucked
Mom, Granddad drives really slow." Justin looked at his mother, worried suddenly. "My gifts will fit in
our suitcases. Is Molly getting anything she'll be wailing about because she can't bring it home on the
plane?"

Jennifer started laughing, "Not this year, I am never going through that again."

Justin headed for the garage. "Mom, it was bad enough when she tried to tell the counter people that
Mommy and Daddy had given her presents away because they didn't fit in the suitcase, but then she cried
for two hours on the flight home." Justin pushed the door open and went into the garage. It still felt
strange seeing only one car in the garage in the evening. He opened the closet and hefted the box up onto
the top shelf. He saw another box there. Wondering what it was, he reached for it.

"JUSTIN!"

He jumped and pulled his hands away as if they were burned. "WHAT?!"

His mother was in the doorway looking at him. "No peaking!"

"I wasn't, I was just looking to see... I mean I wasn't sure...I didn't know what it..." He looked at the
expression on his mother's face. "I wasn't peaking!"

"Ahuh. Get in here."

Justin walked to the door. He passed his mother. "I wasn't looking. Honest."

Jennifer closed the garage door and locked it. "Justin, you taught Molly everything she knows about
snooping."

He gave his mother a wicked smile. "I was good at it wasn't I?"

Jennifer shook her head and smiled. "Yes, you were."

They both looked towards the stairs when they heard Molly calling for her mother from the playroom.
"I'm coming."

Jennifer started to walk towards the stairs to the finished lower level.

"Mom?"

She stopped and turned to look at Justin. "Mmm?"

"Do you want to decorate inside or put up the tree?"

Jennifer shrugged. "I don't know. Do you? I arranged for the handy man to put up the lights this year
since your father couldn't, but I really wasn't sure about inside."

"Maybe a little?"

"Okay, we'll do that after the pizza arrives."

Justin smiled, "Okay, I'll bring some of the decorations up from the storage room."

They started down the stairs. "Maybe Molly will let us watch `Rudolph' instead of `Prancer'. She's
obsessed with that movie."

Jennifer laughed, "But I want to see `Scrooge'."

Justin frowned, grumbling, "Next thing you'll be dragging out is the `The Bishop's Wife'!"

His mother slapped his butt as they reached the foot of the stairs and headed in different direction. "Watch
it, you are starting to sound a little like Ebenezer."

Justin laughed as he went into the storage room and started to choose the boxes he needed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After pizza, they began to decorate the family room and kitchen. They had decided against putting up the
artificial tree and just settled on wreaths, garland, bows and lights. Molly had tangled the light strands up
and Justin patiently untangled them while insisting that Molly go watch `Prancer' and that she was getting
nothing but coal for Christmas.

An hour later Justin and his mother collapsed on the couch and ate popcorn and drank soda while
watching the end of the movie with Molly. When it was almost bedtime for Molly his mother pulled and
prodded his sister up the stairs. Jennifer stopped halfway up.

"Justin?"

"Yeah Mom?"

"Are you staying in or going out?"

Justin looked at the mess around him. There were boxes to lug back to the basement and some last minute
things to hang. "I'm not sure, depends on what I get done. I was supposed to meet Brian but he said he
would call first."

"Well, just let me know."

The phone rang and Justin smiled at the timing. Jennifer watched Justin's face light up.

"Must be him!" Justin picked up the phone. "Hello? Oh, hi. Just a minute she's on her way upstairs."
Justin yelled to his mother. "It's Aunt Maureen!"

"Talk to her, I'll be down in a couple minutes. Find out if the boxes arrived."

Justin rolled his eyes and settle back into the couch. "Aunt Maureen?"

"Yes Justin?"

"Mom will be down in a couple minutes, she's putting Molly to bed. She wanted to know if the boxes
arrived yet."

"They sure did Justin. How are you feeling Honey?"

"Okay."

"Any problems?"

"Some but they are better every day."

"No more headaches, confusion or dizziness?"

"No, well, almost no headaches, and the vertigo has stopped especially since my sinuses are clear," Justin
looked down at his hand, "And the other stuff is better too." Justin hoped that ended the conversation

about his health. He loved his Aunt and knew she worried about him. "How is everyone? Has Uncle Pete
been skiing?"

"Honey, that's all he's been doing since the first snowfall." She laughed and Justin realized how much she
sounded like his mother. "Oh honey, the door bell just rang, here talk to Ross."

Justin heard Ross saying he wasn't going to talk to him and then someone telling Maureen to get the door.
He listened as the phone was transferred from hand to hand.

"Justin?"

"Aunt Karen? You are there this year?"

"Of course Justin, it's a family holiday. Your dad is coming too."

"Oh." Justin hadn't realized his father and his sister would be at his Aunt Maureen's for the holiday. Justin
was trying to think of something to say. "You are there a bit early aren't you?"

"Yes, but I flew out early to help Maureen get ready. It's a new house and I thought she could use the
help. She said she didn't but I insisted. I know what it's like to have to sell a house and move. It's a terrible
undertaking, especially having to uproot the younger children."

Why did Justin feel he was being given a lecture? He knew his Aunt Karen wasn't happy with him. She
probably supported her brother in the great family debate about Justin's sexuality. Luckily he wasn't
aware of the discussions but he knew they were unpleasant.

"Justin, are you planning on coming this year?"

"Yes, I thought Mom told everyo..."

His aunt interrupted him, "I'm trying to help sort out the sleeping arrangements, your Aunt's new house
has the same amount of bedrooms and there's a pull out in the finished basement but we still need an extra
bedroom this year because of your parents."

"Well I always stay with Ross anyway. So Dad could have the pull out."

"Well I know Justin but Ross, well he..."

Justin could hear Ross in the background, "...that fag is not sleeping in my room."

His Aunt Maureen must have come back into the room because he heard her telling Ross to be quiet and
that she didn't want to hear that kind of talk from him. Justin couldn't hear anymore because his Aunt
Karen started talking again.

"Well Justin, like I said, there is a shortage of space, and we haven't quite figured out where to put you
yet. I know we definitely can't put you with your dad. We didn't have this problem last year because you
weren't able to come. Justin, are you sure you want to come? I mean the tension and stress that you'll
cause your dad and Mo's dad will have such a negative effect on the holiday."

Justin heard his Aunt Maureen yell, "Karen!"

"Well, I was looking forward to seeing everyone Aunt Karen, I'm sure that we can work..."

"Justin, dear, to tell you the truth, we were all hoping to help your parent's reconcile this holiday and I
think your being here might pose a bit of a problem since you are the..."

Justin's face had flushed red as he listened to his aunt tell him he wasn't wanted for Christmas with the
family. His mind seemed to be spinning and his hearing seemed to have a tunnel sound. He heard his
name being called.

"Justin? Justin? Are you there?"

He recognized the voice. His Aunt Maureen must have taken the phone away from his other aunt. "Yeah,
I'm here."

"Justin, don't pay any attention to your Aunt Karen, you know how she is. In fact," Maureen's voice
dipped, giving it a conspiratorial sound, "at the rate she's going your Uncle Pete will have her staying at
the hotel down the street by Monday, so there will be plenty of room for you here. We'll put her family up
there too."

There was silence on Justin's end of the phone.

"Honey, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here Aunt Maureen."

"Justin, you are coming, aren't you? Mom and I are really looking forward to seeing you. And I know
Jennifer wants you here."

"I know Aunt Maureen and I'll be there as long as I can make it."

"Justin, I, well --- you are welcome in my home any time you want to come."

"I know that. Aunt Maureen, does Mom know Dad and Aunt Karen are going to be there?"

"Yes, she does Justin but about what Karen said...there is no plan Justin, we just wanted everyone
together."

"I know and I won't mention any of this to Mom," Justin heard his mother coming down the stairs. "Wait,
here she comes now."

"Justin?"

"I have to go Aunt Maureen, here's Mom." Justin handed the phone to his mother. He was worried his
aunt would tell his mother and she would decide not to go. He picked up the boxes and slowly organized
them listening to his mother and her sister talk. They talked for a few minutes about flights, meals and
relatives. He only carried the boxes back to the basement after his mother hung up. Brian called a few
minutes later.

Brian picked him up a half hour later.

He looked at Justin. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"I tried to call earlier but the line was busy."

"My aunt called about Christmas. Brian, I was thinking about family and Christmas. Do you..."

"Don't even ask."

Justin looked at him. "You don't even know what I was going to ask!"

"Sure I do. You either want me to go with you or you want to come with me. The answer to both is no.
I'm going away and that's all there is to it."

Justin looked out the window. Obviously there was no way he could discuss what happened on the phone
with Brian, and he was the only one he trusted not to say something to Deb or his mother. He would just
have to figure a way to stay in Pittsburgh. He had plenty of invitations so he knew his mother wouldn't
worry about him being alone. He just had to come up with a reason why he couldn't go. There was no way
he was going where more than half the people didn't want him and when his parents might have a chance
at getting back together.

Justin spent the night dancing at Babylon with strangers, trying not to think about the phone call. Brian, as
if reinforcing his independence, disappeared into the crowd after half an hour and Justin never saw him
again. Ted dropped him off at his mother's when he left the club. Brian hadn't brought him to the club and
blown him off like this since before the bashing. Emmett went home with the guy he was dating. Michael
never showed at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 15

Justin tried calling Brian several times. "It's Saturday, where the fuck are you?!" he yelled into the phone.
It didn't matter because there was still no answer. He had spent the hours calling Brian trying to find a
way not to accompany his mother and sister to his aunt's. His Aunt Karen had more or less told him not to
come. He knew his mother would hate that they were trying to get her back with his father, but he felt he
needed to give them the chance. Karen more or less also admitted his Grandfather Walter didn't want to
see him either. His Aunt Maureen had said she and his Grandmother Mary wanted him to come, but she
left her father off the list. Same with Ross. He wondered if his other cousins and Uncle Paul and Uncle
Paulfelt the same way. He knew the only way to find out was to go to Colorado, but if there were a
chance for his parents he wouldn't go. And in all honesty, he was tired of hate and being made to feel he
was something abnormal. He didn't want to go to his aunt's anymore. Any of the joy he would have felt at
being with him mom and Molly was lost.

It would just be easier to stay home. He had a couple places to go. And he still had 8 days to work on
Brian. If all else failed, he still had himself. The trick now was to find a way to stay home. He spent hours
playing scenarios through his mind. In the end it all boiled down to the fact he had to have a physical
reason not to go, one that wouldn't keep his mother here. He turned on the TV and `Home Alone' was on.
He started to laugh at the absurdity of the Kevin character's predicament. His own situation was very
different, he wouldn't be left home accidentally. He wondered if he should explore that as a possible
scenario. `No, that would never work,' he thought, `Mom would never do that, although if Dad was living

home I bet he could have arranged it.' Justin did notice a similarity in Kevin MacAllistar's relatives and a
few of his own. Justin thought that the oldest brother of Caulkin's character, Buzz, looked an awful lot
like his cousin Ross. But Joe Pesci certainly held no resemblance to Chris Hobbs as far as the criminal
element went, and Justin knew his attacker was far away. Television was not going to help. Justin
shuddered as he quickly turned off the TV just as Daniel Stern, one of the notorious `wet bandits' stepped
on a nail.

Justin pulled his sketchbook out of his backpack since drawing always helped him to think. He heard the
jingle of bells and then a thunk. He reached down and picked up the clutch of bells Brian had given him.
They were three small soft leather balls with tiny slits. Inside each leather ball was a small bell. Justin
shook the bells a little and there was a faint jingling sound. He couldn't wait to wear them to get his
promised reward. Justin started to draw, his mind half on his problem and half on Brian. An hour later he
suddenly realized what he needed to do. And Brian had given him the solution; he just didn't know it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...Grandma got run over by a reindeer; Walking home from our house

Christmas eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me

and Grandpa, we believe....She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog..."

December 16

"Justin, that's beautiful."

"Thanks Mel."

"I never thought to make cookies shaped and painted like dreidels."

"Well, I know Hanukkah is almost over, it ends tomorrow doesn't it?" Melanie nodded.

"But I think they'll go with the trees and snowflakes and tin soldiers don't you?" Justin was putting the
finishing touches on the cookies he had earlier cut free hand in order to get the right shape.

Lindsay had finished rolling out more cookie dough and moved Gus over to help her press the cutters
down. Gus picked up a reindeer and pressed it into the middle of the dough. He then tried to crawl up on
the counter top. "Mel, you want to grab him so I can get the cookie out of the cutter?"

Mel grabbed Gus and placed him next to where Justin was putting frosting and decorations on the
cookies. Justin looked over at the cookies Lindsay was working on. "Lindsay, are you going to do stars,
angels and Santas?"

"They are the next batch of dough." She looked over at Justin's work. "Justin they are too pretty to eat."

Justin just smiled and gave Gus a toy soldier cookie.

"Oooh!" was all Gus said as he looked at the cookie, and then bit the head off of it.

Mel started to laugh. "So like his father that way."

"Mel!" Lindsay started to laugh as well. Justin smiled a bit but became quiet and continued to work on the
cookies.

"So Justin, how did you like Hanukkah?" Mel asked as she reached into the oven to pull out cookies and
slide a new tray in.

"It was nice, the prayers and traditions were interesting. It's sort of like, well you know, the traditions
from religion and holidays make us feel safe and secure, give us a continuity we don't have ninety percent
of the time. I don't think it matters what religion, it's more the point that families and friends are together
celebrating the traditions and shared memories, passing them on to their children. I think that's what
makes it all so special."

Lindsay looked at Mel and smiled. They kissed briefly before getting back to making the cookies. Justin
watched them and felt a little lost.

Mel reached for the hot pads. "What else?"

Justin thought for a moment. "And your family is very friendly."

"And my cousin Rita?"

Justin looked up trying to keep a diplomatic expression on his face. "Well..."

Mel was taking the cookies off the baking sheet and placing them on the cooling rack. She smiled at him,
"Be honest."

"Umm, very opinionated --- in a nice way --- but sort of...er, loud?"

Lindsay nudged Mel, who smiled. "That's Rita."

"Justin, I hear you are going to Colorado for Christmas." Lindsay asked as she started to roll out a new
piece of dough, "When do you leave? After the PFLAG party at the GLC?"

"Oh, well actually, I'm not sure I'm going."

Both women stopped and looked at him. Mel put the cookie sheet next to Lindsay and walked over to
him. "Baby why on earth are you thinking about not going?"

Justin looked at them both realizing they were the first people he had mentioned it too. Now was the time
to see if his reason for not going would be believed. He shrugged a bit. "I don't want to fly."

The two women looked at each other. The silence was broken when a booted leg from the half eaten toy
soldier was tossed across the counter at Justin.

"Gus!" Lindsay admonished with a tone he understood.

Gus tried giving her the winning Kinney smile. Lindsay continued to frown at him. His lips settled into a
pout, and he tried the standard diversionary tactic of all children his age. He looked at his mother, "Milk?"

Lindsay just shook her head and went to fill a sip cup for him.

Justin thanked Gus for the interruption and went back to work. He seemed to forget Melanie was a
professional interrogator. "Justin, are you afraid to fly?"

Justin eyebrows went up in surprise. "Oh, no Mel I'm not afraid of that - well anymore than any one else.
No, it's not that. It's more because of my sinuses and equilibrium. You know my equilibrium was off for
quite a while and my sinuses have been bothering me since getting hurt. I'm getting a cold and if I fly the
vertigo could kick up and then I'd be flat on my back while everyone is out skiing and I'd have to take the
medication again. I just don't want to risk it yet."

Mel was silent as she thought about it. It was credible, it was logical and sincere, but she wasn't sure why
she didn't believe it. "What has your mom said?"

"Nothing yet, I'm still working up to telling her." On cue, Justin rubbed his nose a bit and sniffled. He
made sure he had stopped taking his allergy medication the day before and he had visited several flower
shops and lots set up with Christmas trees. He figured he would run into something that would set off his
allergies and he could claim it was a cold. He knew he needed to repeat the process a couple times. His
natural enemies --- dust, pollen and mold were dead in the cold weather so he had to revert to finding
something else that set his allergies off. He wondered if Brian had a wool sweater he could wear. That
would do it. His reactions to drugs didn't have the right symptoms --- having your breathing stop just
wasn't the same as having a cold.

"And where would you go - Brian's?"

Justin shook his head but kept it down. He kept working on the cookies. "He's going away."

Lindsay came over to the counter. "Justin, you could always take the train."

Justin knew that suggestion might be made. "Yeah, I was looking into that, but there is still the altitude
change and the dry cold air. And then sneezing over everyone and being miserable on a long train ride
wouldn't make me popular. I'd be kicked off before I reached Chicago."

"Well, maybe the cold won't be bad. Could it be allergies?" Lindsay asked.

"I don't think so. I'm just starting to get a scratchy throat and my ears feel like they are full."

"Maybe you should take extra vitamins and drinks lots of orange juice. Lindsay, aren't there zinc lozenges
and Echinacea on the top shelf? Justin, start taking those and the cold will be stopped, or at least not last
as long."

Justin just nodded. He knew his mother was going to ply him with the same stuff. "I have them at home
and will take them. I hate being sick. I just don't want to go and ruin everyone's holiday by being sick.
Then maybe spreading it around."

Lindsay gave Gus his sip cup. "Who is going to be there?"

"Oh, my mother's sister, her family and my grandparents. I guess my dad and his sister and her family are
also going."

"Your dad's family?"

"Well, yeah, they are all kind of close. My mom and dad met because their sisters, my Aunt Maureen and
Aunt Karen, were roommates in college and introduced them. So my dad's family, well his sister Karen,
often spends time with us."

"What about your dad's folks?" Mel frowned as Gus finished his milk and tossed the cup to the floor.

"My Grandmother Carolyn is dead."

Mel looked up, "That the one with the hangover recipe?"

Justin laughed and nodded. "That would be her, and my grandfather is remarried and lives in New York
now. We don't hear from him very often but Grandpa Danny is really nice and funny. He and his new
wife Lil were in Europe when I was attacked and couldn't come. He sent me this really cool palm pilot as
graduation-get well gift."

Lindsay looked at him closely. "I take it he doesn't share your dad's opinion of your sexuality."

"I don't know. He and my dad haven't really gotten along too well since Grandpa got remarried. They
haven't visited as much since Grandpa and Lil moved..." Justin shrugged. "But Grandpa Dan knows, I
can't see Aunt Karen not telling him, plus he knew about the bashing. I remember Mom saying something
about him calling just before I got out of the hospital. He was upset about not being able to get back to see
me. I guess my dad hadn't told him right away. I've talked to Grandpa since and we didn't really mention
it, but he always says he loves me before we hang up. He wants me to visit them next summer." Justin
smiled at the memory, "He did mention something about taking me to Europe to see the museums if I do
really well in college."

"I like your Grandfather." Lindsay grinned at Justin as she picked up Gus's sip cup. "Justin I know you
haven't decided whether you are going or staying, but maybe if you stay you can drive to your
grandfather's."

Justin knew he was definitely not going but he realized he needed to make it sound not only like he
wanted to go, but that he was willing to go. "No, I'll probably chance it as long as I feel okay. Besides,
Grandpa is going to Lil's kid's place for Christmas. He mentioned it in his Christmas card."

"Well, remember, if you can't go you should come with us. I know we invited you over but when we
thought you weren't coming we decided to go to our friends. But they would love to have you."

"No, that's okay. If I can't go I will go to dinner with a couple of friends from school who are stuck here."

"What about Deb's?"

"Oh, I'd stop there too, and over at Em's for a while. I have a lot of places to go if I can't go to Telluride."

"But you haven't told your mom about your concerns yet?"

"No I'm going to do that tonight. I needed to wait a day since ... since I thought about not going."

"Justin did something happen?" Mel asked. She knew there was still something wrong with this whole
thing.

"No, what could have happened? I'm just afraid flying will kick up some problems that are finally going
away."

He was stopped from further questioning when Lindsay yelled, "MEL, grab Gus!"

Gus had reached up on to the counter and pulled off another cookie and was headed for the living room.

Justin laughed as Melanie charged after the screaming little boy. They finished the cookies over the next
hour. Justin kept the conversation on the coming PFLAG party at the GLC and what presents Lindsay

was giving. They briefly discussed what Gus was giving his Dada, actually what Mel and Lindsay were
giving him. He and Lindsay discussed it until Melanie reappeared. Justin knew Lindsay didn't want to
discuss it in front of Mel because he could tell the gift must have deeply affected their relationship and the
implications of it down the road were yet to be seen. It was as generous a gift as Brian had made when he
gave up parental rights to get the women back together. Mel stayed long enough to wash the frosting off
her shirt and tell them she was giving Gus a bath and putting him down for a nap.

Justin watched Mel leave the room and waited until he heard her on the stairs. He looked at Lindsay. "Are
you two okay?"

Lindsay nodded. "I wouldn't have done it if Mel had really objected to it, but she didn't. I'm not sure why
but she just said okay when I asked. You think he is going to like it?"

Justin nodded. "Yes, but I don't know if he'll show it. You might give it to him and tell him it's personal
and he might want to open it when he's alone. Just let him know it's private and let him decide who he
wants to share it with. You know what he can be like when there is even a hint of emotion attached to
something."

"You know him well Justin."

The teen smiled sadly and then shook his head. He left before Melanie came back down.

Justin made his way over to the loft. He knew he and Brian were sort of not talking for some reason but
he was determined to decorate the loft and maybe melt some of Brian's frozen Christmas spirit. He
needed two things from the loft--- a wool sweater and the measurements for the garland he picked out to
trim around the outside of the bedroom walls. The jeep wasn't there and Brian didn't answer. Justin
figured Brian must be out at the gym or Woody's. It was Sunday afternoon and Brian didn't watch football
games. He let himself in. Justin located an Icelandic wool sweater in a sweater box in the back closet. It
smelled of mothballs. `Even better,' Justin thought, `this should set off something.' He shoved in his
backpack and started on the measurement. He was almost finished when he heard the door open.
Moments later Michael and Brian walked into the loft. "Hey," was all he got out.

"What are you doing here?" Michael asked. "I thought you were busy today."

Brian didn't say anything he just looked at Justin and then walked over to the kitchen and took a bottle of
water out of the refrigerator.

Justin noticed his gym bag by the door. They really hadn't spoken more than a couple words since the ride
to Babylon on Friday night. Brian still didn't seem like talking. Justin just sighed. He looked from Brian
to Michael. "I am, I just stopped in to get something." Justin wrote down the measurement he had taken
and then did some additional math to include the other side of the doorway. He put the pad into his
backpack. "All done. I'll leave you two alone." He looked at Brian again. He had yet to acknowledge
Justin was even there. Justin wondered what was wrong now. "I'll talk to you later." He headed for the
door.

Brian walked after him and grabbed his arm before he could open the door. "Where are you going in such
a hurry?"

"I thought I was interrupting something. We didn't have plans."

"True but you are here now."

"Were you ever going to call me? If I wasn't here would you have just ignored me for the rest of the day,
the week, our lives?"

Brian stepped in closer. "Getting a little over the top there, aren't you Princess?"

Justin tried to pull his arm out of Brian's grip, but the taller man wouldn't let go. "Brian, I need to go. If
you let go of me, you can just go back to ignoring me once I'm out the door."

Brian pulled him closer, "I never can ignore you, that's the problem." Brian leaned in and gave his lips a
slow kiss. He pulled back and looked at Justin. He licked his lips. He leaned into Justin again but this time
he nuzzled the shorter man's neck. He took a long, slow deep breath. "You smell like cookies." He kissed
Justin again. "You taste like cookies."

Justin smiled. "That's because I've been making cookies."

"Oh that's right, Christmas cookie day at the House of Fun. So how was it?"

"Gus kept eating the gingerbread toy soldiers."

"That's my boy!" Brian smiled at Justin. "Yeah, you smell like gingerbread." Brian kissed him again.
"Taste like it too."

"Brian, are we going out or not?" Michael came around the corner and stood watching the couple kissing
each other. "Jesus, you two don't stop."

Brian shrugged his shoulders. "Where are you going?" he asked Justin.

"I have to go to Deb's." Justin suddenly felt uncomfortable. "I better go. You two go and have a good
time." He reached for the door, pushed it open and tried to take a step.

"Uh, Uh, Uh. Not so fast." Brian grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the loft. "What's the hurry to
go to Deb's?"

"I just have to do something there."

"Like what?" Brian asked insistently.

Justin looked around the loft as if hoping to find an answer, but, failing to find one, he tried to retreat out
the door. Brian noticed and pulled him back in again.

"Justin?" Brian looked at him waiting for an answer.

"I...I have to try something on."

Brian suddenly smiled. "And what would that be?"

Justin just shrugged a bit and mumbled something.

"I couldn't hear that."

Justin looked up and glared at Brian. "I have to try on my costume."

"Mikey!" Brian yelled, startling Justin.

Michael came around the corner he retreated to when the two men were kissing. "What?"

"I think we should crash your mom's house for dinner, don't you? It's been weeks since we did that."

"Brian, I don't think we should bother my mother, she is probably busy."

"Oh come on Mikey, she's always thrilled to see you and I'm sure since she is expecting her little sunshine
elf she has made plenty of dinner. Am I right?" He looked at Justin for an answer.

"No, no you can't come with me, they'll kill me if you show up there."

"Who'll kill you?" Michael asked, confused.

"Yes, there is a Santa!" Brian shouted excitedly. "Hurry up Michael we need to get to your mom's." Brian
was practically dancing with anticipation as he held on to a struggling Justin.

"Brian, please don't. They are going to think I told you and Ted's already threatened me once."

Michael's eyes suddenly opened wide with understanding. "Let's hurry, we need to stop at the corner
drugstore and get one of those disposable cameras."

"Noooo!" Justin wailed as both Brian and Michael pulled him out the door.

Michael looked at Brian, as they held a squirming Justin between them as the elevator started down.
"Who do you think got the little antlers, Ted or Emmett? The little antlers come with the red light up
nose."

Brian just started laughing. "Fuck, I hope it was Ted."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 18

`...Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it you would even say it
glowed...'

"I can't believe I did that. My self-respect has hit an all time low." Ted pushed the small antlers up as they
started to slide down his forehead as he hung his head in despair.

"Now Teddy, you were wonderful, and your nose stayed on the entire time." Emmett adjusted his larger
antlers. "Do you think they'll let me keep them?"

There was cheering and music coming from the area in front of the stage. "Hear that Ted, that's for us."

"Well, before you get a swelled head," Ted grumbled and then watched Emmett looking down at his own
crotch with a frown, "not that one you idiot!"

Emmett looked at Ted and raised his eyebrows and made a face at him. Emmett looked back over his
shoulder as they heard more applause from the audience.

"As I was saying, before you get a swelled head, I don't think the cheers were for us, more than likely
they are for the little wonder elf that's out there singing and dancing with Santa, head cold and all."

Emmett moved the curtain and looked out on the stage. "Who thought he could sing so clearly with the
cold he seems to be getting. Did you see the derriere that boy's got when he bent over and the jacket rode
up. I knew Debbie called him a perfect bubble butt but I had no idea. Hmm, well I guess he does fill out
those tights, front and rear."

Ted looked out at Justin, his gaze focusing on the areas the two were discussing. "I'll say."

Emmett dropped the curtain, obstructing Ted's view and gave him a nudge, "You can look, I'll never tell,
but if you ever touch, you are so on your own. I am getting out of town before steamroller Brian Kinney
has a shot at you."

"You touch him all the time. You even helped when he was sick."

"Yes, I have seen and touched more of Justin than anyone but his mother and Brian, but that was in my
role as nurse. It was allowed. It was all strictly professional."

"Florence, I've seen you hugging, kissing and touching Justin on the dance floor, in the ally, on the stairs,
and that was hardly under the guise of professional healthcare."

"Right, and when Brian is around how many times have you seen him pull Justin away?"

Ted thought about it, "Good point, but he hasn't hurt you."

"Ted, we all know Brian hasn't hurt me because he likes me a bit. Now you...?"

"He'd hurt me, wouldn't he?"

Emmett patted Ted's back. "Big time."

A stagehand walked by them. He looked at Ted. "Cute nose."

Ted rolled his eyes and then hung his head again. "I'll never be able to hold my head up in Babylon
again." He looked over at Emmett who had picked up a camera. "Don't you even think about it," he
warned.

"Oh come on, just one. For your mother."

Ted had reached his breaking point and lunged at Emmett. Unfortunately, the Christmas Elf was just
coming off the stage, ripping the Santa hat off his head, looking flushed and as dejected as Ted. Ted
knocked Justin into Emmett and they all went down in a heap. Justin was sandwiched between the two,
with Emmett on the bottom.

"My antlers, my antlers. Justin be careful, you'll get hurt." Emmett was trying to breathe under the weight
of the other two but he was more concerned that Justin had struck his head. Justin's hand was caught
between the antlers and his head was on the wooden floor. Ted was flailing on top of the pile trying to get
a hand through the bodies to the floor so he could lever himself off the other two men. The three looked
like a North Pole sled accident. A brightly dressed elf crushed between two out of control reindeer. The
three continued to squirm trying to disentangle their costumes; the antlers and harnesses were all tangled
with Justin trapped between the two.

"Stop, everybody stop moving." Emmett finally yelled. Ted and Justin stopped moving.

"Okay, okay," Emmett said calmly, trying to take in a breath of air. "First. Justin, are you hurt? Did you
hit your head?"

"I'm all right. And yeah, I did hit my head."

"Okay, how do you feel?" Emmett tried to remain calm, the last thing they needed was Justin to be hurt.

"I'm okay. But I feel like I'm playing some weird version of Twister."

"But no nausea, no headache or blurred vision?"

Justin had to smile. Emmett had been his main `guard' after the bashing and had become well versed in
brain injuries and their symptoms and side effects. "No, I'm okay. Whose hand is that?"

"Oh, that would be me." Ted spoke for the first time. "I'm just trying to get hold of something so I can
push up."

"Well, that's not a good place to do that," Justin commented calmly.

"Okay, Ted, I think our harnesses are separated now. Try to move, and don't forget to move that hand,"
Emmett instructed from the bottom of the pile.

Ted moved slightly. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Emmett asked.

"Just now when I moved I thought I heard bells."

Justin groaned realizing what was jingling. "Will you get off me!"

Ted started to say something when he suddenly yelped and disappeared from Justin's view.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing Ted?" The anger in Brian's voice was evident as he lifted Ted
bodily off of Justin and Emmett. Brian still had Ted by his harness and pants as Justin was finally able to
sit up.

"We're okay Brian, it was just an accident." Justin held out his hand. Brian let go of Ted and pulled Justin
to his feet. Justin tried to adjust his jacket and tights but Brian seemed more concerned with pulling his
jacket down over his ass.

Emmett was still on the floor. "Hey, a little help here for the bottom."

Justin and Brian both snickered and reached out to help Emmett up. Ted came over and started to brush
the dust off Emmett.

"You okay Emmett? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I'm fine Ted."

Brian was inspecting Justin but trying not to be obvious about it. They all stopped when they heard the
applause for the end of the program.

"Thank God it's over, let's go change." Ted motioned to Emmett to follow.

"I'll be there in a minute." Emmett muttered as Ted walked by.

Justin started to follow Ted towards the dressing rooms.

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" Brian asked as he grabbed the back of Justin's jacket and
pulled him back towards him.

"To change?" Brian shook his head no and pointed at Justin's red colored legs. Justin smiled brightly. "I'll
just go say good night to my mom and Debbie and then we can leave."

Brian just smiled and nodded. As Justin passed him, Brian pulled him close and whispered in his ear.
"Are those my bells I hear jingling?"

Justin blushed again. "Yeah."

Brian laughed huskily into his ear but let him go. Justin went back out to the stage to use the stairs to the
audience. Brian turned his attention back to Emmett who was standing waiting and watching. "What?"

"He hit his head, but he said he was okay."

"Any problems?"

"No."

"Okay, I'll watch him."

Emmett just shook his head and started for the dressing room.

"Emmett?"

"Yes?"

"I got those pictures of Ted for you."

Emmett smiled. "Thank you."

"Oh, and tell Ted, next time he puts his hand where he had it I'll rip it off."

Emmett pressed his lips together and his eyebrows went up. "Okay." He turned and went looking for Ted
with the glowing red nose, wanting to keep him out of Brian's reach for a few hours.

"...Run run Rudolph, Santa's got to make it to town, Santa make him hurry. Tell him he can take the
freeway down. Run run Rudolph, 'Cause I'm reelin'like a merry go round..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 19, 2001

Brian closed the door to the loft , locked it and set the alarm. He turned to look at the Christmas Elf as he
took off his long grey dress coat. A short green tunic with red sleeves was revealed. Brian eyes wandered
down Justin's body until they encountered the leggings. He had to smile as the sneakers were shaken off
of red stocking covered feet. At last, Justin in his elf suit was all his. His alone.

Justin stretched, raising his arms over his head. Brian enjoyed the little look he got of Justin's red stocking
covered ass. The tights were so tautly stretched that they molded to his body without a wrinkle. Justin
turned and Brian's appreciation of the tights grew. He could see the outline of Justin's cock and balls.

Justin looked at where Brian was looking. "Debbie reinforced the tights with a privacy panel of padding.
Looks like I'm wearing a soft protective cup but I'm not."

Brian smiled, "I can tell what's there."

Justin suddenly got worried. "Shit, do you think a lot of people noticed?"

"No, I just know what I'm looking at, no one else would have noticed."

Justin felt relieved; they had spent the last two hours walking among the party's guests. "I'm sorry. I didn't
think we would have to stay for the party."

"Kind of hard to escape both your mom and Debbie."

"Yes, but it's after midnight."

"You tired?"

Justin pulled his Santa hat out of his belt and walked over to Brian. He placed the hat on Brian's head. "I
want my reward Santa. I've been a good boy and I did my good deed."

"Yes, you were a very good elf." Brian reached down and pressed on Justin's crotch. "I can hear how
happy you are."

Justin kissed Brian's lips lightly. "No you can't, but I'm sure bells will be ringing soon."

Brian laughed. "That is so bad Justin."

Justin ignored him. "Are you going to deliver on your promise or not?"

"Don't worry, Santa is definitely coming down the chimney tonight."

Justin laughed this time. "And you call me bad?"

Brian grabbed Justin, bending down and pulling him over his shoulder. He grunted a bit as he lifted the
blond and headed for the stairs to the bedroom.

Justin tried not to laugh too hard as he was carried to the bed and unceremoniously tossed on it. He landed
on his back with a bounce. He watched as Brian started to undress. Brian realized he still had the Santa
hat on and lifted his hand to take it off.

"No Brian, leave it on for a while."

"Oooh, a kinky elf. I always wondered about you guys, now I'm going to find out."

Justin smiled. "How do you want your present?"

"Out of the costume."

Justin sat up and took off the jacket and tossed it on the floor. He started to reach for the top of the red
tights when he felt a hand stop him.

"That's far enough. I'll take care of the rest. Move to the center of the bed and wait."

Justin moved to where Brian wanted him. He leaned back and watched Brian finish undressing. He loved
watching how Brian's muscles moved and how he revealed more and more of his body with each
movement.

Brian stared at Justin as he undressed. He lay in the center of the bed leaning back on his elbows,
watching him as he undressed from under lowered eyelids. Brian could see the glint of the ring in his right
nipple in the soft blue light of the bedroom. Justin's skin glowed a bluish winter white from the top of his
blonde hair down his arms and torso. The cool skin ended at the beginning of the tights at Justin's waist.

Once Brian was naked he climbed on to the bed and settled on his knees next to Justin's left side. He ran a
hand over Justin's chest; the skin looked cool but it was warm. He let his hand stop over his heart and
waited until he felt the youth's chest rise and fall with each breath. He could feel the thump of his heart.
He hoped Justin never realized that Brian always did this to reassure himself that Justin was alive and
with him. He always covered it with the same move that he took now. He reached over and gave Justin's
nipple ring a little tug. He smiled as Justin took a sharp breath. Brian's little ritual over, he moved his
hand down to the elastic waist of the tights. "Let's see what the Elf has for Santa."

Justin lay down on the pillows and laughed.

Brian pulled the tights down just enough to lift Justin's penis and balls out and let the tights creep up
underneath them a bit. His present was nestled in a cushion of red, decorated and ready to play with.
"Ahh, there they are, the decoration on my present." Justin had tucked the leather-covered bells next to his
cock; he had used the large leather ring to secure them.

"They felt weird Brian, not uncomfortable but I knew they were there. And when I was dancing I swore
everyone could hear them, but no one seemed to notice. I was worried about having a hard on the entire
time because I kept thinking about my reward."

Brian ran his hand over Justin's cock. He felt it twitch as they talked. It seemed to grow harder and more
erect. He moved his hands to the bells. He gave them a little shake and then lowered his hand to fondle
Justin's balls. "So how may times did you jerk off?"

Justin's face grew a bit redder. "Twice."

Brian laughed. "Did you leave any for me?"

"I couldn't help it Brian. I had to earlier when I put the bells on and then later just before the performance.
I saw you come in and I had to get it down before I went on stage." Justin moaned as Brian began to rub
his finger over the small slit in the head of his penis. He knew he was starting to leak precum.

"You should have signaled me to come backstage. I'm sure I could have helped you out."

"I thought about it, but there wasn't enough time."

"Well, I'm here to help now, seems things are getting out of hand again." Brian moved and lowered his
head over Justin's cock. He licked the head a couple times and then slowly drew the tip into his mouth.
They could both hear the bells jingling as Brian began to throat Justin's cock and Justin tried to move his
hips. Brian grabbed his hips and held him down.

Justin looked down to watch Brian suck him. He moaned as he watched his cock disappear between
Brian's lips. He had a smile on his lips and he tried not to laugh. Brian still had the Santa hat on. He
suddenly caught his breath as Brian began to use his tongue more aggressively.

Brian didn't seem to notice Justin's amused look. He looked up quickly when he heard the gasp. He then
took Justin to the edge and pulled him back. He let go of his cock. Justin groaned.

"Brian! Please?"

"Sorry, I haven't finished unwrapping my gift." He gave the base of Justin's cock a little squeeze, slowing
the younger man's advance towards climax. He moved a bit. "Get on your hands and knees."

Justin moaned but rolled over and rose up on his hands and knees. The bells stayed in place, still held by a
loose leather lasso on his erect cock. They jingled. Justin leaned down into the pillows and tried not to
laugh. Brian reached around and flicked a finger at the bells and they swayed and jingled. He snickered a
moment too. But his attention was quickly caught by the most perfect ass he had ever seen, encased in
tightly molded red spandex. Brian ran his hands over Justin's cheeks. He fondled then and then squeezed
them. He ran a finger down the crack where the red dipped out of sight between Justin's buttocks. "Fuck, I
love unwrapping presents."

Justin was enjoying the massage of his buttocks. He shivered when he felt the pressure of Brian's finger
pushing along his crack. "More Brian."

"Patience Elf, your reward is coming."

Brian grabbed the elastic waist and slowly pulled the tights down revealing a little more flesh with each
tug on the tights. He paused now and then to kiss and lick each inch of Justin's ass as it was revealed.
Justin moaned into the pillow he had buried his head in. Brian's tongue delved into Justin's crack and
teased each new inch that was uncovered. By the time he had uncovered Justin's anus, he could tell Justin
was very stimulated. He pulled the cheeks apart and Justin's hole seemed to wink at him. He pushed his
tongue against the little wrinkled hole and it gave way with little resistance. Justin groaned loudly as
Brian's tongue fucked his hole.

Brian reached for the lube and squeezed it into Justin. He decided Justin was relaxed enough that he
needed little preparation. He put on a condom and spread the lube on his hot hungry cock. He put a finger
on Justin's opening and pressed into it. Justin took a quick inhale of breath. Not wanting to misjudge
Justin's readiness, Brian slid in a second finger and scissored his fingers. Justin was more than ready. He
pulled out his fingers. He placed his cock at Justin's opening and pushed. He grabbed hold of Justin's hips
and heard the younger man exhale, calling his name softly as he slid home.

Although he was between Justin's legs, the younger man's legs were tightly pressed against him. He had
pulled the tights down but not off. He slowly moved in and out of Justin. He made sure to hit his prostate
with each long push in. Justin began to moan and gasp as Brian increased his tempo. Brian moved to
cover Justin more fully, pressing his chest to Justin's back. He let go of his hips and reached for Justin's
hands. Justin's left hand grabbed his forearm while they clasped the fingers on their right hands.

Brian and Justin continued their dance. Pressing into each other, the only accompaniment to their cries of
pleasure was the sound of bells as they swayed from where they were hung. Brian moved his left arm and
reached under Justin's body. He took his cock in his hand, fisting it as Justin pushed onto his dick and
then into his hand. He felt Justin`s balls tighten and heard the sounds that always preceded Justin's
orgasm. He felt semen pulse from his teen's cock. Justin's body shuddered and jerked, and his rectal
muscles clamped down tightly on Brian's dick where it was buried in the blonde's ass. Brian let out a short
shout of surprise. He pulled back and pushed back in with two or three quick movements as his own
orgasm took him. He felt his body begin to fall as Justin slowly collapsed beneath him. They lay together
as the waves of intense sensation receded to a warm and gentle feeling of floating.

Brian rolled on to his side, pulling Justin with him. "You okay?"

Justin's head moved a bit. Brian took it as a nod.

"You tired?"

Justin nodded again.

Brian reached down for the duvet. He didn't pull away from Justin but did reach to pull off his condom.
He dropped it in the basket and settled back down with Justin in his arms. As he started to close his eyes
he remembered something else. He moved his arm down and carefully pulled the bells from around
Justin's cock. He had thought Justin asleep until he felt a hand reach out and take the bells from his hand.

"Mine," came a tired mumble.

"Yours?"

"My decoration... for your present."

Brian's small laugh ruffled Justin's hair.

"Okay."

"Thank you for my reward --- Santa."

"Huh?"

Justin's hand reached back tiredly and tapped Brian's head.

"Fuck!" Brian reached up and pulled of the Santa hat. "You tell anyone and you are in so much trouble."

"My present," Justin yawned and reached for the Brian's hand. He pulled it back around him. "Your hat,
our secret...."

Justin became very still and Brian knew from experience that he had entered a period of deep sleep. It
always amazed him how quickly Justin could fall asleep after sex especially if he was tired. Brian liked it
because he could hold him for a while without Justin really paying attention to the fact. Brian usually let
go before Justin started to wake.

Brian closed his eyes and wondered what the loft would look like decorated. He slipped into dream filled
sleep. He dreamt Justin was dressed as an elf decorating the loft and dancing just for him through the
snow.

When the alarm went off Brian was half asleep daydreaming of Justin giving him a blow job dressed as
an elf. He opened his eyes and realized it was no dream.

December 20, 2001

"....For I've grown a little leaner, grown a little colder, Grown a little sadder, grown a little older. And I
need a little angel sitting on my shoulder,

I need a little Christmas now.... For we need a little music, need a little

laughter, Need a little singing ringing through the rafter, And we need a

little snappy "Happy ever after," We need a little Christmas now..."

"Justin. I'm just not sure about this."

"Mom, it's just a cold."

"I know but maybe you should come anyway."

"Mom, I want to come, but you know the flying might cause the vertigo, especially with my cold. I would
have to take medication if it happens. Why risk causing something and then have to take that horrible
stuff to fix it. It makes me feel nauseous all the time. And if my sinuses start to cause problems I won't
even be able to fly home. I don't want to risk it. It's just a few days."

"It's Christmas, and after last year I wanted you with me." Jennifer was becoming depressed by the
minute, another Christmas without her son. She knew this was bound to happen but she hoped it would be
a few more years before it started.

"I know Mom, and I want that too but we have to decide now or you can't get the ticket refund."

"Maybe none of us should go."

"NO!" He practically shouted in his mother's ear.

"Justin?" Jennifer looked confused at his reaction, and a little suspicious at his vehemence. What was
going on?

"Mom, everyone is going to be there, and all of Molly's presents are there. You two have to go. I was
okay last year. I missed you all but I can go to Deb's and Lindsay's. And Tessa and Eric invited me."

Jennifer looked at him. She was trying to figure out what was going on. "Justin?" She placed the ball back
in his court with a simple word and its inflection.

"Mom, I will call, and you'll be back before New Year's." He was sitting next to his mother on the couch
in the family room. He felt really bad about upsetting his mother, but he really thought this was the best
thing considering what he knew and she didn't. He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Really Mom,

I want to come but if I get the vertigo or my sinuses start causing problems I'm going to be sick for more
than a week."

"Justin, I just wanted you there with me." Jennifer was trying not to cry. She was disappointed but she
was more concerned with Justin's health and state of mind. She thought she knew what it might be about
so she waited for him to respond.

He looked at his mother and knew he had to admit a truth he had not wanted to. He really was afraid the
flight, altitude changes and his family's attitude would have an adverse effect on his hard won recovery.
"Mom, I don't want to risk it now, maybe in the spring, but for the first time in months I feel whole and
healthy - well except for the cold."

"I know sweetheart." She remembered the terrified expression on Justin's face each time he had had a
vertigo attack when he was first getting better. The sense of falling seemed to terrify him and she knew it
was connected, both physically and emotionally, to the attack. One night after he had screamed himself
awake from a nightmare, he finally confided to her that his only memory of the actual attack was intense
pain in his face and a terrible sensation of falling. When he woke up he still had the pain and when he
tried to move he had the terrible sensation of falling again. Although the pain was helped with
medication, the vertigo had remained a sporadic problem and when it happened Justin kept flashing on
the attack. The physical impairment of the brain injury was difficult enough, but the other damage had
taken another toll on him as well. Justin's equilibrium was affected for a while and there was considerable
damage to his facial tissue, and his sinuses due to blood and swelling. His motor difficulty was
complicated by the vertigo and sinus problems. He had `guards' because they were afraid he would take a
fall if left alone and do additional damage, especially if he struck his head.

Jennifer sighed but shook her head. "I understand Justin. You just had to tell me. I wish you had said
something earlier. I would have changed the plans."

"I didn't realize it. I just knew I was getting more anxious. I just thought it was holiday stress. And the
cold just made it all surface..." Justin felt horrible. Even though he

was telling the partial truth he was still hiding back some of his reasons. Reasons his mother didn't need
to know. Reasons that had he not known, he might have risked the flight.

His mother silenced him by pulling him into her arms and holding him for a few minutes. She kissed his
head and let him go. "I'll cancel your ticket, but I think Molly and I might come home a little earlier."

"Mom, you don't have to do that. It's just a few days."

"I know honey, but it was just a few minutes in that parking garage. Call me overly emotional but I don't
take anything for granted anymore ---not one moment of the time I spend with you and Molly."

Justin grabbed his mother's hand. "And that's why I want you to go and enjoy yourself. We are all getting
older and the family won't be getting together as often, so I want you to enjoy this. And next year, I
promise I'll be with you at Christmas, whether it's at Aunt Maureen's or Aunt Karen's."

"Trust me Justin, it won't ever be at your Aunt Karen's."

Justin laughed. "Thank God. How did she and Aunt Maureen ever live together for four years?"

"They were younger and your Aunt Mo is very easy-going. And they are good friends. Sort of like you
and Daphne. They can really bitch at each other and still be friends."

"MOM! Language please." Justin tried not to laugh as he admonished his mother.

Jennifer shrugged, "Debbie wears off on you after a while." Jennifer looked at the clock. "I should call
Mo and tell her you aren't coming."

"Mom, why bother? They'll only try to convince you I should come and you don't need that. Or they'll try
to change things around. Why upset everyone's plans? Just explain I was sick when you get there."

"I suppose so. You know your father is going."

"I know, I figured as much when I talked to Aunt Mo and heard Aunt Karen's voice."

"Justin, that isn't part of your reluctance is it? I know my dad can be a handful and Craig is very much
like him."

Justin wondered what to say to his mother, he didn't want to bring up the personality problems and his
grandfather's apparent dislike of him. "Mom, I have a cold and I'm really worried about the travel.
Besides, I love Granddad Walt, even though we both know he hates the fact I don't like fishing."

Jennifer smiled. "Justin, Dad loves you he just..."

"Always liked Ross better," Justin finished.

Jennifer started to smile as she heard the yearly argument starting. "You aren't going to bring up the train
set are you?"

Justin snickered. "He gave it to Ross because he knew I liked it."

Jennifer laughed. "Justin, he gave it to Mo."

"Same thing, he knows I love that train and Ross thinks it's old and stupid. Granddad's lucky he has never
heard Ross say he hated fishing too. You wouldn't believe what Ross gets away with. He always blamed
the rest of us kids. And Granddad always gives Ross the better gifts."

Jennifer raised her hands in surrender. "Okay. Okay. I got the point. Granddad likes Ross better than the
rest of you."

"Yes, he's a chip off the old block all right." Justin said with disgust.

"Justin!"

"Hmmm, oh sorry Mom, but you have to admit Ross is an awful lot like Granddad."

Jennifer nodded. "He isn't exactly your Aunt's bright spot. Mo loves him dearly but I know she has her
concerns about him. She hasn't really told me what they are, maybe I can get it out of her this Christmas."

Justin frowned. He had an idea what his Aunt was upset about and doubted his mother needed to know.
"Mom, there are some things left better unknown. Ross, the wiseass, being one of them."

Jennifer laughed and stood up. "You are right, I should let Ross remain one of the world's mysteries.
Come on."

"Where?" Justin looked at his mother.

"I need to shop for food, make a few meals, make sure Debbie knows, we should put up the tree..."

"Wait, wait, wait. Mom, I don't need a tree. I have lots of places to go, and if you tell everyone I'm here,
they will all be checking up on me. Debbie will make me stay there and I don't want too. Lindsay will try
to make me spend all the time with her and Mel. I'll let them know I'm staying but I don't want to get
stuck on some schedule and if my cold is bothering me I'd rather just stay home. Plus Eric and Tessa
invited me and I would like to go there on Christmas Day."

His mother frowned. "What about Brian?" She wondered why his name had not been mentioned. She
better not find out this was all Justin's way of staying with Brian for the holiday.

Justin looked over at the Christmas decorations on the fireplace. "He's going away."

Jennifer could tell Justin was very unhappy about it. "Oh Justin, I'm sorry."

He looked at his mother and shrugged, "We never had any plans to be together."

"Well, maybe if he knows you are staying?"

"No. Mom, I doubt that. Brian has a Christmas tradition and he was pretty adamant about not changing
it."

"Okay. Honey, I'm going to call the travel agent. I want you to go and bring the suitcases up and then get
ready to go grocery shopping."

"Mom. I don't need..."

"Justin --- go. I have a lot to do and I'm really unhappy about this. Humor me okay?" Jennifer looked at
him with a serious expression on her face.

Justin nodded and stood up. He sniffled a bit and it wasn't all from the wool sweater he had taken off
before coming down the stairs. "Okay, anything that you need to be okay with this. But Mom --- no
calling me every two hours."

"Go." His mother waved him away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin opened the garage door and turned on the car to warm it up. He turned on the radio and heard yet
another version of `White Christmas.' His mother came out after about 5 minutes. He waited until she put
her seat belt on before backing out of the garage.

"So?"

"Honey, would you mind if Molly and I left on the morning of the twenty-second."

"No, Mom. Why the change?"

"Well, this way we can come home on the twenty-seventh."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to. It's still too long but it's the best the travel agency could put together."

"Mom, please. I need you to go and have a good time. Not to worry about me. I promise I'll be fine. I'll
have a lot to do and a lot of people to spend the time with."

"Justin, don't ask me not to worry, it comes with the job. But I will have a good time and I know that
you'll be fine here. You have one hell of a support group."

"Yeah, they are good people, aren't they?"

"Yes, I'll try to call Debbie tomorrow, I know she's working tonight. In the meantime, let's get the
groceries you'll need."

"I won't need that much."

"Well, I want to make some cookies and special foods you like."

"I won't be able to change your mind will I?"

"No."

"Okay, in that case, can you make the shrimp dip? And maybe those eggplant puffs?"

Jennifer smiled. "I think I can manage that."

"Oh, and since I'm home alone, do I get the car?"

Jennifer shook her head. "You are so bad."

"Well, unless Santa is giving me one," he looked at his mother hopefully and saw her shake her head no,
"then I need yours."

"Okay, but..."

"But?"

"You drop us off and pick us up at the airport."

"Deal."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin spent the evening helping his mother and Molly bake cookies and begin packing. He talked to
Brian briefly, but not letting Brian know he was not going to Colorado. He thought he'd leave that for the
22nd. Luckily his mother had an early flight so he had no problem being at the loft all day to decorate.
Brian asked him to be there for the evening with Gus and Justin was thrilled. He had to remember to dig
out the video camera. And to get film.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 22, 2001

Justin wasn't allowed to go to the boarding area so he had to settle for saying his good-byes near the ticket
counter. His mother looked nervous, but he knew it was about leaving him home.

"Mom. I'm fine." He rubbed her arm as they watched Molly yawning and trying to look awake. The flight
was to leave at 7 a.m. and they had been at the airport since 5:30 a.m.

"I know honey, I know. I just wished I had a little more time. I never got Debbie on the phone."

"Don't worry, I tell her. I'll call some time today."

"Your gifts are all wrapped and in the shopping bags in the den."

"Cool."

"Justin, don't open them until Christmas Day."

He smiled sheepishly at her. "Mom!"

"Promise me Justin."

"Okay, not until Christmas morning."

They stood there and talked and it was time for his mother to move to the boarding area. They hugged and
kissed. Molly got upset he was staying and Jennifer got all tearful.

She seemed to remember something. "Oh, and Grandpa Dan's gift is with the others. It arrived yesterday.
I was supposed to bring it with me to discuss with your Dad. Justin, umm, about Grandpa Dan's gift ---
we'll need to talk about it. He hasn't spoken to your Dad about it and I'm not too sure about it. I talked to
Grandpa over the phone last night and he convinced me to put it in with everything but we need to talk."

Justin's smile grew. Maybe it was the trip to Europe. Yeah, his father would have a problem with that.

"Okay." He gave his mother a last hug. "Have a good time Mom and make sure Aunt Maureen knows I'm
sick, otherwise I would be there. I'll call Christmas Eve okay?"

"You better but I'll call you before then. Leave my cell phone on and remember to charge it. Love you
honey." She kissed his cheek and let go of him.

Justin watched his mother and sister disappear past the next security check. He waited until he knew the
plane had left safely. He turned on the cell phone his mother made him promise to keep with him so she
could call him. Knowing his mother, he would get a call from the airplane. He looked at the clock in the
dashboard. He smiled evilly; just enough time to get to Brian's and wake him up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian moaned as a weight landed on him. "Justin?"

"Are you getting up?"

"Where'd you come from?"

Justin began kissing Brian's chin, working his way to his mouth. Brian opened his mouth and let Justin's
tongue in. They kissed for several minutes. Brian slowly worked Justin's shirt up. He rolled them over so
he could straddle Justin. He pulled the younger man's shirt over his head. Justin reached up for another
kiss. Brian held him down by capturing his forearms and pinning him down. Justin frowned at being
thwarted.

"Where did you come from?" Brian demanded.

"I just got up early to be here for the delivery of the decorations and to meet the workman who will put it
up."

"So you thought you'd attack me in my bed and take advantage of me?"

Justin nodded. "I brought you an extra large latte and a low-fat health muffin."

"Good boy." Brian leaned down and began to nuzzle Justin's neck.

"I thought I was supposed to be ravishing you?" Justin's question turned into a moan. Brian's hands were
roaming around his torso, but his fingers stopped to tweak Justin's small pink nipples before moving on.

"That's the problem with attacks of this kind, they never really turn out how you plan."

Brian moved down Justin's body. He sat up and unzipped Justin's jeans and pulled them down and off,
making sure he caught his underwear with the pants. Brian settled back down and began to massage the
younger man's cock. "Hmmm, I think I'll have this for breakfast first."

Brian moved and signaled Justin to move up on the bed. He settled between Justin's legs and began to lick
the thickening cock. He licked the ridges of Justin's cock, and then nuzzled his balls. Brian licked his way
to the head, concentrating on the vein on the underside admiring the beauty of the teen's organ. He
delicately licked the first beads of precum as they began to emerge from the slit in the head. Brian pulled
the tip of Justin's cock into his mouth and sucked it gently. His hand rolled Justin's sac, slowly increasing
and then decreasing the pressure on it. He could hear from Justin's moans that the blond appreciated his
efforts. He began to suck more of the dick into his mouth. His plan had just been to suck Justin off, but

his own morning erection was calling for more. He let Justin's organ slide from his mouth. He gave it a
kiss before moving up the younger man's body.

Justin's face was flushed and he looked close to coming. "What? I thought you wanted breakfast?"

"I decided against the protein and decided a non-fat energy muffin would be better."

"Brian! Please?"

Brian shook his head. Justin dropped hid head back on to the bed, "I didn't bring you that kind of muffin."

"Sure you did." Brian smiled and reached for a condom and the lube. He looked as Justin realized what he
was doing and began to smile. The younger man almost pushed him off as he tried to raise his legs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian looked at the clock as he finished his muffin and double latte. He watched as Justin finished off a
second donut. The older man shook his head in amazement. The teen was a bottomless pit and didn't have
an ounce of fat on him.

"So what's your schedule today?"

"Well, let's see. The decorator's workmen are due by nine. The place should be ready by noon for Gus. I
need to wrap some presents. I thought I'd grocery shop and make a bunch of stuff to eat and...

Brian raised his hands in self-defense and interrupted Justin after hearing the beginning of the list. "Whoa,
that's enough." Brian got up and took his plate to the sink. "Justin you do remember that this is just for
tonight. We both leave tomorrow and this little winter wonderland is gone by the time we both get back."

Justin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, I remember Brian."

"Okay." Brian nodded and headed towards the door. "I'll pick up Gus and I'll see you about 6:30 p.m."

Justin walked over to the door. "Why so late?"

"I'm leaving work early to deliver all my Christmas crap. I'm meeting Michael at 2 p.m. at Woody's and
then I'll pick up Gus at 6 p.m."

"Oh, okay."

Brian leaned back in and gave him a quick kiss. "Later." And he was gone.

Justin looked around. He had ten hours to make this a Christmas Brian Kinney couldn't resist. If he could
get a comment out of Brian about wishing Justin could stay he might just pull this off and at least be with
Brian on Christmas.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin stepped out of the shower. It was just after 6 p.m. He quickly got dressed and went out into the
kitchen. Just before his shower he had checked the casserole he had conned his mother into helping him
with. It was a ragout. The veal and pork had cooked slowly for about an hour with tomatoes, garlic, onion
and wine. He added the potatoes and other vegetables and returned it to the oven. It needed to cook at
least another hour and a half. Justin figured it should be done around 7:00. That gave them plenty of time
for appetizers and playing with Gus. They could have dinner, open presents with Gus and then have
dessert. Justin had picked up a marbled white and dark chocolate mousse for dessert. Gus would be in bed
by 10 p.m., and he and Brian to quickly follow. That gave him until the morning to get Brian to ask him
to have Christmas with him.

Justin looked around the loft. It was beautiful. The train moved quietly under the tree. The ornaments had
taken a couple hours to get on the tree. He wondered if Brian would see the special ornament he had
picked out for him. Probably not but he knew it was there. Justin thought it was one of the most beautiful
trees he had ever seen. The workmen had put it up and it had pre-strung lights. They helped Justin place
ornaments and icicles on the top of the tree before leaving with the ladder. They also put the star on it for
him. He finished the lower branches of the tree after they left. Justin had arranged with Mrs. Miller to
have her grandsons take the ornaments down and pack then in storage. Everything came in storage boxes
and Justin made sure they were all labeled so there wouldn't be any confusion. He knew he would be
there anyway so it didn't matter. He would make sure it all was put away if Brian didn't change his mind.

Justin checked the decorations that had been hung around the bedroom, both inside and out. He set up
Gus's port-a-crib in the bedroom. He pushed it against the living room windows. Light wrapped garland
hung in swags over the crib. He and Brian had noticed that Gus slept better in the bedroom than in the
large open space of the loft. He stepped out and looked around, the whole loft glowed in soft lighting. A
few twinkle light sets were amid the larger groupings. The tree was a mass of color and light. The
ornaments and icicles spread the radiance of the multi-colored lights. The wreaths and garland all had
deep red bows, golden cherubs and green bulbs on them. They also glistened with lights that picked up
the clear glitter placed on the tips of artificial evergreens to make them look frost covered. Justin walked
down the steps towards the kitchen. The kitchen had several large silk poinsettias on each end of the
counter and a large wreath full of beaded fruit on it. He checked the oven and then picked up the
Christmas tablecloth and napkins. He started to set the table.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin frowned as he looked at the clock. It was just after 8 p.m. He got up to check the casserole. It was
still edible. In fact it smelled really good. Justin added a little more wine. He was fighting the urge to call
Lindsay's. He was about to pick up the phone when he heard the elevator. He went over and slid the door
open. Brian was struggling to get Gus and a couple bags out of the elevator.

"Justin, run down and grab the rest of the bags in the jeep and lock it up. I couldn't get it all and it's still
open with the keys."

"Can it wait a second? I want you to see the loft."

"No. I left the keys in it. Go!"

Justin stomped over to the elevator and got in and pulled the gate closed. He pressed the button, "I don't
suppose you'd consider waiting for me before you go in?"

Brian was already walking away. "Fuck!" Justin crouched down and leaned against the elevator wall and
waited for the elevator to reach the first floor.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian walked into the loft and stopped in his tracks. Gus was wide eyed with wonder, an expression
mirrored on his Dada's face. Brian set Gus down and stepped into the living area. "Wow." He looked
around. Justin could definitely do tasteful. The decorator had called him at work and informed him that
Justin had been insistent on some things and wanted to warn Brian that Justin's choices were not in
keeping with the interior design Brian preferred. Blaine wanted Brian to be forewarned and not blame her.
He had asked if it was really bad. Blaine had laughed and told Brian that Justin was an artist after all. He
had been really worried by that comment. He apparently didn't need to be worried at all. Brian started to
take off his coat as he walked around.

"Dada! Dada!" Gus had walked over to the tree and sat down. He watched as the train chugged around the
tree. He pointed to the train. "Choochoo."

Brian threw his coat onto the couch and went and sat by his son. "Yes, Gus, a choochoo for you --- and
Justin." Gus crawled up into his lap. Brian undid his coat from behind and took it off the little boy. The
two sat looking at the tree.

"Dada." Gus pointed at an ornament and then another. He giggled a "choochoo" as the train came by them
again.

Justin came back into the loft carrying several bags of presents. He set them down and looked around. He
saw Brian and Gus sitting in front of the tree. Gus was pointing at ornaments and Brian was telling him

what they were. Justin wished he had seen their expressions when they came in but this was just as good.
He quietly shut the door and grabbed his camera. Brian didn't hear the whirl of the camera, since he was
too busy talking to Gus and the sound of the stereo and Christmas music covered Justin's activities. Justin
put the camera on the couch and walked over to join Brian and Gus.

"Is it okay?" He asked quietly.

Brian just nodded, his eyes drinking up the look of wonder and discovery on his son's face.

They sat quietly for a while watching Gus who had gotten up to investigate the tree and the train.

"I'm sorry we're late. I wanted to deliver everyone's gifts and it took longer than I thought. I had to wait
for Debbie and Vic. Emmett and Ted were late and then Lindsay made me eat dinner with them, and I had
already had drinks and appetizers with Mikey at Woody's."

"You already ate?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Justin looked over at the kitchen.

"You cooked."

"That was the plan."

Brian thought he heard censure in Justin's voice. "You know I don't do plans."

"It's okay. I'll go turn it off." Justin was so disappointed he couldn't speak. Was this how his Christmas
was going to go? If he put Brian on the defensive he would never get the invitation out of him.

Brian felt the awe of coming into the wonderland Justin created start to fade. "Have you eaten?"

"No." Justin got up and walked over to the kitchen. He turned off the oven and started to get out the foil.
He looked at the appetizers. He took a couple off the plate to munch and then dumped the rest in the
garbage. He ate the appetizers as he cleaned off the counter. He took the casserole dish out of the oven
and set it on the counter.

Brian walked over with a sip cup. He opened the refrigerator to get Gus some juice.

"Fuck Justin, what's with all this food? Who's going to eat it? You'll have to throw it all out."

Justin looked over his shoulder into the refrigerator. "I'll just freeze most of it, besides most of it's mine."

"Yours?"

" Uh, yeah, stuff Mom wants me to drop off to Debbie tomorrow." Justin avoided looking at Brian. He
continued to put stuff away. "Do you want any dessert?"

"No, I ate enough already and Gus won't need more than a cookie. I'm going to get his gifts. Watch him?"

Justin just nodded. He took out a couple cookies and moved to the refrigerator. He checked Gus and then
looked at the mousse. He took it out and took a spoonful. It was good. He knew he should eat something
else but he was too annoyed to eat. He closed the plastic lid on the mousse. He was glad he hadn't wasted
it by putting it in a serving plate and putting the fresh raspberries around it. Now, he'd have it for
Christmas Eve. He picked up the cookies and went over to sit by Gus and the tree.

Gus watched his approach and eagerly reached out for the cookie he saw in his hand. Justin smiled at the
little boy and pointed to the train. "So you like our train Gus?"

Gus smiled. "Choochoo."

Justin just nodded.

Brian came back carrying a couple shopping bags. He took several gifts out of one and set them in front
of Gus. The two men helped the baby open the gifts. Gus seemed to like the shiny paper more than the
toys but Justin got him playing with the toys, showing him how to press buttons and make noises. They
were all laughing as Gus tried to get the toys to work. After a while a little cookie monster was transferred
from Justin's arms to Brian's. Brian held Gus as he fell asleep. The two men sat for a while longer looking
at the tree and then at Gus.

"Justin?" Brian's voice was almost a whisper.

"Mmmm?"

"That envelope in the other bag is yours."

"Envelope?" Justin reached for it. He wasn't surprised that Brian had gotten him a gift, he was just
disappointed it was a gift certificate like everyone else received. "Thanks."

Brian just nodded. "You going to open it?"

Justin nodded. He looked over where he had put the several gifts he bought Brian, including a very
expensive sweater. "Those are yours, want me to get then for you?"

Brian shook his head. "I'll open them later, let me put Gus down and then we can go to bed too. We both
have big days tomorrow."

Justin followed Brian, moving the quilt so he could lay Gus down. "Good thing he was already in his
pajamas."

Brian smiled, "I love the little feet in them."

"Want me to turn off the lights?"

"Probably best if you did considering you know where they are all plugged in."

Justin went out into the other room. He realized Brian had no intention of opening his gifts. In fact, all the
gifts he collected from Michael and everyone else remained in the shopping bags he brought them home
in. He wondered if Brian was taking them with him and had just left them there, ready to go in the
morning.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian watched Justin leave the room. He hadn't told the teen that all the presents in the bag were for him
too. He'd give them to Justin when he left in the morning. He needed to be at work early, especially since
he took a half day today. Bob and Brad, the dynamic dopes, had blown their section of the annual report
and Brian would have to work days just to fix the mess. He figured he would work through tomorrow
night, stay downtown or at the office and work all Christmas Eve Day. He'd then come home to the loft
and spend Christmas hibernating like other years. He always left the jeep at work so if Michael drove by
he wouldn't stop. He looked at the loft. He was glad he had let Justin do it. It was the homiest the loft ever
looked and he could tell Gus loved it. He took secret pleasure knowing he'd spend Christmas Day here.
He could investigate the tree and the train a bit more. He loved that train.

Brian saw some of the lights go off. He wished Justin would be here but he was better off with his family,
skiing and having fun. He envied Justin that type of experience, it seemed like something out of those feel
good Christmas TV movies. He thought Justin really needed to get away for a while. Last Christmas had
been a disaster for him. He had been too caught up in his own life to realize what Christmas must have
been like for Justin. The teen had been away from his family for the first time. Justin had given him a tie
and shirt. He knew the young man must have spent hours picking it out and felt bad when he tossed him
the gift certificate. Brian remembered the look Debbie had given him.

Brian hadn't realized that Justin wasn't going to see his mother at all. Debbie told him later that his mom
had dropped gifts off before the family left town. Justin had called his mom on Christmas Day and
apparently there was some problem on the other end and the call was very short. Debbie said later that no
other member of his family sent Justin any gifts even though she knew he sent some with his mother for
other people. His mother did drop a check from one of his grandfathers after she got home, but Justin
received nothing from his dad at all. Last year was one reason Brian was determined to make Justin go
with his mom. He looked at the beautiful blond approaching him, coming up the stairs towards him, and
he wanted Justin with him so much this Christmas he ached. Rather than ask him to stay Brian got up and
headed for his closet. He knew Justin would stay if he asked, and Justin was angling for an invitation but
he had to do what was best for Justin - no matter how much it hurt both of them.

Brian reached into the closet and pulled out his suitcase.

Justin watched Brian put the suitcase down on the bed and open it. "You're really going."

Brian turned away not wanting to look at his lover.

"That's my plan."

"I thought you didn't do plans."

Brian muttered something under his breath before turning to Justin. "I just don't do other people's plans."

"And you never change your plans?"

"No." He turned back to the closet to get a pair of slacks.

"Do you even want to spend the holiday with me?" Justin put his hand over his

mouth. He couldn't believe he had come out and just bluntly asked Brian what he had been trying to find
out for weeks.

Brian turned towards Justin, stepped towards his suitcase, stopped and looked up. "What?"

"Nothing. Never mind." Justin was relieved that Brian didn't hear him. He watched Brian finish packing.
`Fuck,' he thought, `this is all falling apart. At this rate Brian will send me home now.' Justin cleared his
throat, "You're not taking much for three days. Do you want me to pack my presents for you in a
shopping bag and put them with the others?"

"No, I always travel light, I don't need much, and the inn provides it all."

Justin grimaced at what the inn was apparently going to provide Brian.

Brian looked at Justin and saw the look that passed over his face. He knew this hurt Justin but he wanted
to make sure he got on the plane tomorrow. His disinterest was the only way he knew of assuring Justin's
going to Colorado. " I'll open them when I get back."

"Fine." Justin headed for the bathroom.

Brian realized how harsh he must have sounded, like he didn't even care that Justin got him something.
He knew the teen probably spent a lot of time picking out his gifts. He couldn't wait to open them ---
Justin had a real knack for gift giving. He had decided he would open all his gifts on Christmas morning.
He realized his only companion would probably be Jim Bean. Brian shook his head at how maudlin he
was getting. It must be the fucking Christmas tree lights. He went into the living room and pulled out one
of the gifts he had gotten for Justin. He came back into the bedroom and laid it on the bed.

When Justin came out of the bathroom naked and started for the bed, Brian was just zipping up the
overnight case. He pushed the covers down and then saw the brightly wrapped box. "What's this?"

Brian picked up his suitcase and set it on the floor. He sat down on the bed next to Justin. "It arrived here
yesterday. It was addressed to the Christmas Elf, so I figured it must be yours."

"Really?"

Justin's smile blinded Brian and made his heart thump. Fucking holidays, they were going to ruin him.

"Should I save it for Christmas or open it now?"

"Well, since it was delivered here, I guess it must be for your use here. You better open it now."

Justin laughed and started to open the package. He took off the bow and tossed it at Brian. Brian caught it
and placed it over Justin's naked groin. Justin looked at him, and grinned. "You do like that area
decorated, don't you?"

"Anytime you want to wrap it up with a bow and give it to me I'll probably open it."

Justin laughed as he continued to open the box. He took off the lid and pushed the tissue paper aside.
Inside the box was a crimson red silk robe. Justin pulled it out and noticed a pair of pajama bottoms still
in the box. He noticed the bells Brian gave him to wear the night of the Christmas show were tucked into
the opening of the pajamas.

Brian reached into the box and picked up the bells. He gave them a shake so they jingled. He pulled out
the pajama bottoms. "They aren't the tights but I think they'll be even more fun." He dropped them into
Justin's lap and leaned over and kissed him gently.

"Thank you." Justin whispered as he returned the kiss. "You like me in red?"

"I love you in red." Brian kissed him again and pushed him back on the bed. The box, robe, pajama
bottoms and paper went flying onto the floor. The two continued to kiss, their hands slowly moving over
each other bodies. Brian suddenly stood up. He quickly pulled off his clothes and turned off the lights.
The only remaining lighting came from the garland that was hung around the bedroom. He checked on
Gus who was sleeping soundly. Brian went back to the bed and lay down on top of Justin.

"Merry Christmas Brian," Justin whispered.

"Same to you Baby." Brian met Justin's lips half way.

They tried to be quiet, and as a result their lovemaking was slow and poignant. Justin felt like his heart
would break from the tenderness Brian was showing as they kissed and explored each other's body.

Brian couldn't seem to get close enough to Justin. He wanted to hold the younger man close to him
forever. Brian rolled Justin on his side so he could lay behind him, chest to back. His arms encircled
Justin and he nuzzled his neck as he caressed him. Justin let out breathy little sounds and gasps as Brian
touched well-known erogenous spots. Brian dropped his hand and reached for Justin's cock. He began to
play with the blonde's erection, slowly fisting it, using Justin's precum to add to his pleasure.

Justin could feel Brian's hot and hard penis pressing against the crack of his ass. He moved his legs a bit
so the other man's cock rubbed against his anus. As Brian fisted him Justin began to push back against
Brian's erect penis. He knew that Brian would never enter him without protection. But the sensation of
Brian's hot, hard cock sawing back and forth across the outside of his sensitive opening was so erotic it
almost made him come. Brian moved down a bit and began to jerk forward into the heat of the crack
between Justin's legs. Justin realized what he was doing and pressed his thighs tighter around Brian's
cock, providing him more heat, pressure and friction. The two continued their movements, Brian jerking
Justin's cock, while moving between Justin's legs to get himself off. Justin moved his hand back to grab
one of Brian's buttocks and encourage his movements and how he timed them. After a few minutes the
two exploded at almost the same time.

As the two lay there panting Justin could feel Brian's cum dribbling down his crack and between his legs,
cooling as it spread downward. He had come as he felt Brian's hot semen splatter along his ass and legs,
the sensation setting his imagination soaring and triggering his orgasm.

Brian knew his orgasm was triggered more by an emotional than physical reaction to Justin. He lay there
in wonder. That had never happened to him before. He had felt surrounded by Justin, holding the young
man's beautiful body in his arms, feeling his heartbeat, his breathing. The younger man's moans and gasps
combined with tactile sensations of Justin's soft and hot inner thighs pushing back tightly around his dick
as he pressed forward was too much. He wondered, is this how Justin would feel like without a condom?
No, that would have to be even warmer, tighter, hotter. The thought of taking Justin that way had sent him
over the edge. He felt Justin come almost at the same time.

They lay quietly for a long time. Brian finally reached down and pulled up the blanket. They didn't talk,
Brian just held Justin until he fell asleep, just like he had held Gus until he fell asleep earlier. There was
time enough for good-byes in the morning.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 23, 2001.

"...I don't want a lot for Christmas; There is just one thing I need; I don't

care about presents underneath the Christmas tree; I don't need to hang

my stocking there upon the fireplace; Santa Claus won't make me happy,

with a toy on Christmas day; I just want you for my own. More than you

could ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you..."

Justin heard the shower turn off. He didn't need to hear the shower to know the bed was empty of Brian.
He always could sense when Brian was gone. Justin looked over towards the crib and noticed Gus was
also gone. He rolled over as Brian exited the bathroom. He sat up just in time to catch a towel filled with a
16-month-old giggling, wet baby. He put Gus on his lap and gently toweled the baby. "Hey Gus how was
your shower?" Justin reached up and caught the diaper that was thrown at him.

Brian moved across to the crib. "His shower was fine, mine left a lot to be desired. Justin, he had crap
everywhere. That diaper must have weighed ten pounds.

Justin laughed as he laid Gus down and put on his diaper. "How can anything as angelic as Gus do that?"
Justin tickled Gus's belly as the baby giggled and tried to roll away.

Brian stopped and watched them. Brian was looking at two angels. He suddenly frowned --- fucking
holiday was going to turn him into an old soft queen.

Justin looked up and caught the frown. "What's the matter?"

"Hmmm?" Brian replied abstractedly.

"You're frowning, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Justin, I just have a lot to do. I need to get out of here in a few minutes."

"A few minutes, why?" Justin asked in disbelief. "Can't we at least have breakfast together? Can't you
even spend a little time with me? I..."

Brian's barriers snapped back up. "Justin, I have plans. You know that. In fact why aren't you rushing out
of here? You fly to Colorado today. Shouldn't you be getting home? I'm sure your mother's worried you'll
miss the flight. Plus you need to get all that food out of the fridge."

Justin just sat there in shock. "No, it's okay. I have plenty of time. I'm not going..." He stopped as he
reached out to grab Gus as he crawled towards the edge of the bed.

Brian reached Gus first. "What do you mean you aren't going?" Brian's tone snapped Justin out of his fog.

"I'm not going until tonight. We have a late evening flight. I have plenty of time to get everything done."

"Well, lucky you. In that case, can you get Gus ready? I need to be on the road by 8 a.m." He dropped
Gus down into his arms again.

"Yeah sure, you think you were going to work instead of driving somewhere the way you are rushing
around." Brian rolled his eyes at Justin as he walked towards the bathroom. "You know," Justin yelled
after him, "check-in isn't usually until afternoon at most hotels."

"Not this one," came the echoing voice from the bathroom.

Justin looked at Gus. "Well, I guess that's it Gus. My brilliant plan is over." Gus reached out and patted
Justin's face. Justin gave the baby a kiss. He climbed out of bed and retrieved the pajamas and robe. He
put them on and then picked up Gus and went out into the living room to get him dressed. He set Gus
down, and the little boy immediately headed for the tree.

Gus looked at Justin and pointed at the train, "Choochoo." Justin laughed and went to turn the tree and
train on. Gus sat down and started to watch the train go by. Justin dressed Gus by the tree because he
wouldn't leave the train. While Gus remained occupied Justin gathered up the baby's toys and repacked
his overnight bag. Brian came rushing out after ten minutes.

"You're not ready to leave?"

"I'm not superman Brian. I just got Gus ready."

"I need to leave." Brian insisted.

"You don't trust me to close up the loft?"

Brian grimaced. "No, I trust you, I just wanted to drop you off at home."

"No need, I have Mom's car."

Brian looked at him. "You've had the car all this time?"

Justin looked at Gus and the train before answering. "Mom had a lot to do at home so she let me have it.
I'm running all her errands today."

"Oh. Well, I guess Gus and I better get going."

"Do you need help?"

"No, I can probably manage."

Brian went into the bedroom and came out with his suitcase while Justin put Gus's coat on. Brian used the
strap of the bag and put it over his shoulder. He then shouldered Gus's overnight bag. Justin went over
and picked up Gus and the shopping bag. Gus fussed over leaving the train and tree. He went to meet
Brian by the door.

Brian noticed for the first time that Justin had put on the robe and bottoms. He smiled and reached out and
ran his hand along the collar and lapel of the robe. He could feel the heat of Justin's body warming the
silk. "You look really good in red."

Justin blushed.

"Are you wearing the bells?"

Justin grinned. "No, I thought I'd save them for New Year's Eve."

"Well, then we will have a whole new way to ring in the New Year then." Brian was rewarded with
another smile.

Justin handed Gus to Brian. They stood there looking at each other in silence. Brian looked around the
loft. "You will remember to turn off the lights and train?"

"Yes Brian, and to lock the door and set the alarm."

"I know you'll remember that."

There was silence again.

"Justin, don't forget the food."

"I won't but I may leave some stuff there for you to have when you get back."

"Jus..."

Justin interrupted him. "Just cheese and stuff like that Brian. I'll label and put stuff in the freezer for you
too."

"You don't have to."

"I know, I know, but I want to." Justin was frowning sadly again.

Brian couldn't believe how hard leaving Justin was, and it was only for a week. He needed this break
before he was irretrievably bound to the younger man for good. Brian looked around the loft again. "It is
beautiful Justin."

"Thanks, I know Blaine was worried but I thought it was the right way to go."

"It was. And I did see the soup can ornament on the tree with the year and my name on it."

Justin started laughing. "When I saw it in the Christmas store I couldn't resist. It seemed so appropriate."

Brian held on to Gus as the little boy moved. "Well, we better get going. Justin, I want you to have a good
time, skiing, caroling and doing all the other Christmas shit. You missed out on this last year and you
shouldn't have."

"Will you call me?" Justin realized how wimpy that sounded.

"How?"

Justin went over and got a pen. He wrote his mother's cell phone number on a paper napkin that had a
Santa on it. He walked back and stuffed it in Brian's coat pocket.

"Use that number, any time. I'll have it with me and turned on."

Brian's brow furrowed. "Whose cell is it?"

"My mom's."

"Justin..." he started.

"It's okay Brian, my mom gave it to me to use over the holidays, I'll be the only one answering it."

Brian thought it was strange and was going to ask him about it when Gus started to complain again. Brian
could tell he was getting warm in his snowsuit.

"I better go before Gus revolts."

"Okay." The three started to walk towards the door.

"Brian, are you sure you want to spend the holidays alone?"

"I won't be alone Justin."

"And you aren't going to give me a number to reach you at?"

Brian smiled. "Maybe I'll take my cell phone, but I won't always have it on. No guarantees."

Justin gave him a small smile. Brian noticed that Justin seemed slightly lost and bewildered. He knew
something was bothering his lover but he thought it was because Brian wouldn't invite him to go with
him. That was the only reason Brian could think of for Justin being so quiet. And Brian wasn't going to
give in to him.

"Justin, are you okay?"

"Yeah, after all, isn't this the most wonderful time of the year? I'm just getting nervous about seeing the
whole family and all. And I have a lot to do."

Brian nodded and took a last look around.

Justin noticed it. "Are you sure you want it all down on the 26th? I can have it taken down later."

"No, keep it all according to plan Justin."

Justin sighed a bit, "Okay. Stick to the plan."

They walked over to the elevator and Justin lifted the gate. Brian stepped in and Justin handed him the
last shopping bag. "You going to make it to the jeep okay?"

"Yes."

Justin sighed again and looked down at the floor. He looked up and leaned in to give Gus a kiss. "Have a
Merry Christmas Gus." He looked up at Brian. Brian looked down and they lightly kissed. "You too
Brian."

"I will, and you have a good Christmas too." Brian lightly pressed his lips to Justin's forehead. He wished
that things could be different, that he could be different, but this was the way it had to be.

Justin stepped back and pulled the gate down. Brian punched the elevator key. They watched each other
as the car started to move down. Gus suddenly raised his arm and waved to Justin. Justin waved back.
They disappeared from view. Justin wasn't sure how long he stood there, but he knew Brian was well out
of the building before he went back into the loft.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here you go, Ma. One cookie monster returned."

Brian set Gus down and watched the toddler take off for the living room. He set down the bag of toys and
handed Lindsay Gus's overnight bag.

"How was he?"

"Perfect. He's my son. How else would he be?"

Lindsay hit him on the arm and laughed.

Brian just gave a little shake of his head.

"How is Justin?"

Brian looked at her. "Fine. Why?"

"Well, he was getting a cold and we were worried he wasn't going with his Mom."

"I didn't see a sign of a cold, and he leaves later today."

"And what about you Ebenezer?"

"I'm out of here too."

"Why didn't you just ask Justin to stay or consider going with him?"

Brian rolled his eyes. "Because I have plans and because I would not be caught dead among Justin's
relatives - well actually that might just be how I would be caught by them."

"Did Justin seem okay to you?" Lindsay asked.

"Why?"

"I was just worried, I'm wondering how his family is going to treat him."

"His mother would never take him into a bad situation."

"I know. Can you do me a favor?"

"WHAT?"

"Drop this off to Debbie on your way out of town." She handed him a container of cookies. "Justin
decorated them."

"Fine."

Brian muttered all the way to the diner. He saw Ted and Emmett at a booth but ignored them. He walked
over to Debbie. "HERE," he thrust the tin at her. "From Lindsay."

"How nice. You on your way out of town?"

"I'm trying."

"How's Sunshine?"

"Fine." Brian thought a moment. "Why?"

"Well, he was getting a cold."

"Not that I noticed. In fact you can check him later yourself. He said he was dropping some stuff off to
you from his mother before they all left."

"They all left? But I talked to Jennifer this morning and..."

Brian had enough of playing deliveryman and keeping track of everyone's travel and housekeeping plans.
He needed to get to work. "Deb, enough. I have to go, I have a reservation. Work it all out with Justin
when he comes in. I don't care." Brian headed for the door.

"Hey don't you even care Sunshine isn't going to Colorado?"

Brian was out the door and out of hearing range before Debbie could finish.

Emmett looked up. "Deb, Justin didn't go?"

"No, he had a cold and didn't want to fly."

"His mother went without him?"

"He insisted."

"Well what's he going to do?"

"His mother called me this morning. Justin didn't want us all worrying. He promised her he would stop
and see us all over the next two days, but I guess he is going to spend most of the time with friends from
college."

"Who?"

"Ed, Eric, something like that, and Tess or Tia, I didn't get it all. His mom just wanted me to know that
Justin was in town, although we aren't supposed to worry or check up on him. Kids! Like that is going to
happen. Ha!" Debbie walked off to wait on another table.

Ted looked at Emmett. "What? I can tell from that look on your face something is going on."

"Justin wouldn't go to Tessa and Eric's."

"Who?"

"His friends from college."

"Why not? He likes them, doesn't he?"

"When we were at Babylon one night last month Tessa and Eric came in. They made right for Justin.
Justin was really annoyed."

"Why?" Ted felt like he was pulling the story out of Emmett word by word.

"Because Eric wanted to sleep with him. Have a threesome"

"Eric good looking?"

Emmett nodded.

"Then I can't see Brian saying no."

Emmett shook his head. "Tessa was the third."

Ted was silent and shook his head as if confused.

"A woman?" Emmett said with a wave of his hand.

"Oh. Oohh!" Ted moved his finger in a circle. "And Justin didn't..."

Emmet shook his head. "He said they were after him and that he had told them no several times. He did
again that night. He told Eric and Tessa that he could be their friend but no more."

Ted shrugged, "Well, maybe they agreed or Justin has decided to..." Ted did the same movement with this
finger.

Emmett shook his head. "No, something isn't right."

"Either way, Justin has made his choices of where he's going."

"I'm going to call later anyway."

Ted grimaced. "You know, maybe he went away with Brian."

Emmett gave him a look.

"Okay. So he's here alone. He knows he has an invitation to come with us. Let's wait and see if he calls."

Emmett nodded and frowned.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin spent the day cleaning the loft and then going home. He finished wrapping everyone's gifts and
decided on his Christmas Eve delivery schedule. His mother called at 7 p.m. He could tell that something
was wrong.

"Justin, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Your cold seems to have cleared up?"

Justin made a face and clenched his fist. "Uh, yeah, all those Echinacea capsules and Zinc lozenges did
the job."

"Honey, I know what happened."

"Fuck!"

"Molly and I will be coming home as soon as we can."

"Mom, please don't. Please stay. It's okay."

"No, it's not Baby."

"What's happening?"

"Your Aunt Maureen has done some housecleaning."

"What do you mean?"

"Karen is at a hotel and Ross is grounded and your grandfather is walking on thin ice too."

"Mom, please no, don't let me be the fault of this too."

"Honey you aren't. They all think you have a cold and can't come. Karen was at a hotel before we even
got here. Ross was grounded for yelling at Uncle Paul and my dad is sulking because Ross broke the train
when he kicked it because he was mad."

Justin heard his mother suddenly giggle. "Mom, are you okay?"

"Yes, Mo and I are in the family room having a glass of wine. This has just been too entertaining. It's a
shame you missed it."

"Where's Dad?"

"In the basement, where he belongs."

Justin heard both his mother and aunt start to laugh. "Mom, just how much wine have you and Aunt Mo
had?"

"Just a glass."

Justin heard his aunt yell, "From this bottle, Justin." The remark was followed by another round of
giggling.

Justin sat there and looked at the phone. His mother was drunk. "Mom, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. And you and I are going to have a long talk when I get home." Jennifer was suddenly serious;
she wasn't as tipsy as Justin thought. "You should have told me what Karen and Ross did."

"No, because you wouldn't have gone."

"That's right. Your Aunt Maureen would have come to Pittsburgh instead. She's been wanting to come
home for Christmas for years. In fact, she, Uncle Paul and Mom are flying home with Molly and me."

"What about Ross and Granddad?"

"We'll see. It's time they realize that a family doesn't have room for this kind of shit."

"Mom!"

"And you should have seen Dad and your father when I told them what Grandpa Dan gave you for
Christmas."

"Huh?"

"You'll see on Christmas Day. You haven't peeked, have you?"

"No."

"Good. I want you to call me after you open it."

"Okay. But what about Dad and Granddad?"

Jennifer's laughter trickled out of the phone. "Talk about ruffled feathers. You father was embarrassed and
annoyed. Grandpa Dan called here to see if you were given your gift yet. He and your dad had quite a
conversation. I think your father's ears got boxed." Jennifer made a sound Justin didn't recognize but it
sounded like a cheer. "And as for my father... you know he hates it when your Grandpa Dan does
something for you kids before he does. Your grandmother is enjoying his --- discomfort --- especially
when I told Dad how you loved the train and would have taken a lot better care of it than Ross."

Justin heard his Aunt Maureen yell, "Yes, and that's when I finally told your grandfather that my son
hates fishing more than you do, so your sexuality has nothing to do with manly sports. Your grandmother
slapped a PFLAG sticker on his back when he turned around and left the room in a huff."

Justin heard a pause and then his mother say to his aunt, "And where exactly did she get that? And how
does she even know what it is?"

"Jen, Mom's old not dead. She surfs the Internet daily. She followed Justin's case through the news and
that led to a few websites and other links. I think she is becoming a bit of an activist."

"Oh, I need to introduce her to my friend Debbie."

Justin's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Mom, what the hell is happening out there?"

"Huh? Oh Justin, I forgot you were there for a minute Honey. Well, it all started when you didn't get off
the plane."

"Then it is my fault?"

"No Justin. Remember what I said about you not being the center of attention. A lot of this has to do with
years of family interaction. It just finally made it's way to the surface."

"How are you and Dad?"

"Honey, I know about what Karen told you. Your dad and I already had discussed that the family might
try something like that if we both came for Christmas. In fact it was your Dad who told Paul to send
Karen to a hotel if she brought up her plot. When your Dad got here, Karen was already at the hotel. I told
you before Justin, it's just your dad and me in this relationship and we will make our decisions based on
what we want, not what our family --- or our children--- want. Understood?"

"Yes, I get it."

"Good. Well, I need to get going Justin. Your Uncle Paul is taking us up to the ski lodge for a party."

Justin suddenly became worried. "He hasn't been drinking too has he?"

"No."

"Okay. Is Dad going?"

"Maybe, he hasn't decided, he's been trying to get his father back on the phone. Karen and John are
meeting us there."

"Tell Dad that Grandpa is at Lil's daughter's house for Christmas. He probably called from there. At least
that's where he said they would be in their Christmas card." Justin paused a second, "So you two are all
still talking?"

"Yes, Honey. Don't worry; we're still a family, and that includes you. Justin, I wish you had told me what
you heard and what was said to you."

"Mom, it just seemed best if I stayed. Honestly, I was worried about flying and vertigo. And I just..."
Justin became silent.

"What Sweetheart?"

"I just wanted some peace, not to feel out of place, or abnormal, or under observation all the time. My
being there would just be added pressure for everyone at Christmas. You know? I guess I'm not quite
back to one hundred percent and well, Ross and Granddad can be a bit much and I know it would have set
Dad off. And since he doesn't really speak to me as it is...he didn't really need me there."

"So you pretended you were sick to pull some sufferer for a cause routine? That's a nice sentiment Justin,
but I would rather be with you and Molly than anyone else. Next time ask me before you make decisions
for everyone. Understand?"

"Yes Mom." Justin felt the flush of embarrassment and being reprimanded by his mother rise on his
cheeks. He was glad no one could see it. He wondered if he would still do that when she got mad at him
when he was in his twenties and thirties. Maybe it was something that never goes away.

"So are you spending the day with Brian? Was that part of this too?"

Justin felt his cheeks grow hotter. Mothers. He took a quick breath. "No, Brian does have plans and he
doesn't even know I stayed. There was never a way to tell him I was staying without...well, anyway, Brian
is away and I'm here."

"Ah, so not all went as planned," his mother asked quietly.

"Mom! That's not why I stayed." Justin raised his voice a bit, it had a little guilty edge to it, and he knew
his mother would probably recognize it.

"Not completely, yet it would have been a nice bonus?"

"Yeah, it would have. But it just didn't happen. But I'm okay with it."

"Well, you are going to have to be aren't you? Did he give you a gift?"

"Mom!" Justin looked over at the doorway and realized he left his bag of gifts at Brian's, unopened.

His mother ignored his discomfort. "What are your plans tomorrow?"

"I have a lot of people to see and places to go. I also have to take care of something at the loft."

"Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Mom, use the cell phone, I don't know where I'll be at any one time."

"Is it charged?"

"Mom! Aren't you supposed to be going out or something?"

Jennifer laughed, "Okay, okay. Justin, don't worry about picking me up at the airport."

"Is dad giving you a ride?"

"No, we are changing our flights again, I told you the family is coming back with me."

"Do you need me to get anything ready for after Christmas?'

"No sweetheart, I'm not sure what the plans are but there is nothing you need to do."

"Okay, night Mom."

"Night honey."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...We three Kings of Orient Are; Bearing gifts we traverse a far; Field and

fountain, moor and mountain, Following yonder star...."

Justin set about picking the house up and trying to put up a few more decorations. He wondered exactly
who `the family' was that was coming home with his mom. He guessed he would just have to wait and
see. He fervently hoped Ross wasn't coming but he bet his grandfather would be there because his
grandmother was sure to come. His dignified country club grandmother and Debbie --- now that was an
introduction he didn't want to miss.

Justin looked at the clock, and discovered it was almost 9 p.m. He thought he might run over to the loft
and pick up his gifts. Just as he reached for the keys to the car the front doorbell rang. It surprised him so
much he dropped the keys. Justin went to the door and looked through the side window. A face was
pressed against the glass looking in. He jumped back startled. The doorbell rang again and he opened the
door to Emmett.

"What are you doing here Baby?"

"Emmett, how did you..."

Emmett leaned out the door and waved. "He's here, come on in."

Emmett shook his head at Justin and brushed past him into the family room. "We come bearing gifts.
Michael brought beer, Ted brought chips and I brought them. Do you want pizza or Chinese? "

"Em, I was just on my way out."

"Out where?"

Justin was at a lost for words, not having thought about it. "Just out."

"A huh. Well, I have news for you my little country clubber. There is no out there out here. We traveled
all the way out to the suburbs so you can just stay put and entertain us like the perfect host."

Justin was about to close the door when it was pushed open and Ted and Michael entered the foyer. Ted
looked around and just rolled his eyes as he came in. Michael shrugged at Justin.

"Michael?"

"Emmett's on the case. Get ready to be interrogated."

Justin grimaced and began to close the door. He looked at the key in his hand and seriously considered
making a run for it. He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Michael.

"It's okay Justin. Your mom called my mom."

"Fuck. She's unbelievable. She told Deb everything?"

Michael nodded.

"How much does Emmett know? Did you tell him?"

"Nothing, he just decided it didn't sound right, something about Eric. Besides Justin, I wouldn't tell your
family business like that."

Justin dropped his head and looked up at Michael in disbelief.

Michael snickered. "Well, actually I haven't had the chance yet."

"Good, for a minute I wondered who you were."

Michael made a face at him. Justin started to walk by him. Michael reached out and grabbed his wrist.
"Seriously, does Brian know you stayed home and why?"

Justin shook his head. "There was no point Michael; he had his plans and he made it very clear where he'd
rather be."

"Where is he? Do you know?"

Justin smiled and nodded slightly. "You'll have to ask him."

Michael frowned and walked towards the living room. It was difficult acknowledging that the Boy
Wonder actually knew something about Brian that he didn't.

Emmett appeared in the doorway. "I ordered Chinese and we have an hour before it's delivered. That
means I have an hour to get the truth out of you. Get in here my little elf."

Justin sighed and went into the family room.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ted tried to sit up. "I think I need to unbutton my pants."

Emmett laughed, "There's a novel approach to a come on... `I'm stuffed, I just need to loosen my pants a
little, lookee lookee, look what's peeped out.'"

Ted slapped at Emmett but missed him. Justin was full but he didn't feel stuffed. "Well, I guess eating
some of the shrimp dip, cheese puffs and pate that my Mom made before the Chinese arrived probably
wasn't that good an idea."

"It was good, reminded me of the stuff David use to cook or pick up at the caterer." Michael said a little
wistfully.

Emmett looked at Michael, "Do you miss him?"

Ted's sarcastic tone interjected. "Of course not Em, he just misses the food."

They all laughed but Justin thought he saw a hint of sadness in Michael's eye. He got up to put his plate
on the table and patted Michael's shoulder. Michael looked up surprised but gave him a shy smile.

"Okay Ted, I get it. No sad talk tonight. We've had enough. Justin's attempt at

self-sacrifice is not only a failure, but it's over. Really Baby, your mom was right. You should have told
her."

Justin felt his cheeks go red again. "Yeah, but you guys wouldn't be here pigging out if I had."

"Oh, there's a lovely image. Just add it to my list of things not to do next year. Red nose, tiny antlers and
pigging out." Ted grumped but laughed when Emmett started making squealing noises.

"Now where are you going tomorrow and Christmas Day?" Emmett had settled back down on the floor
next to Justin.

"I'm going to come visiting all of you tomorrow, go to Deb's and Vic's, and then Mel and Lindsay's. Then
I'm going to Tessa and Eric's on Christmas Day."

"I don't believe you. You can't stand to be near them."

"Em, let it go. I'll be fine."

Emmett frowned but he let it go. Almost. "You can come to my house."

"No Emmett, you are going to your boyfriend's."

Ted smiled at Justin. "You can come as my date. That way I won't feel like a third wheel."

"Ted." Emmett warned. "Remember?" Emmett waved his hand and then made a chopping motion at his
wrist with his other hand.

Ted frowned. "Or maybe not, I love being the third wheel. It's by role in life. No pun intended."

Michael and Justin exchanged a bewildered look with each other.

Justin turned to Emmett, "I'll be fine. I have things I want to do."

Emmett frowned again and looked at Michael.

"He knows he can come with us Emmett. Mom has already invited him. Let him do what he wants."
Michael understood more than anyone what Justin really wanted for Christmas. And if he wanted to be
alone because he couldn't have it, then he should be allowed to bury his pain any way he wanted. Michael
had learned to do it years ago.

Justin looked at Michael and smiled sadly. He mouthed a `thank you' to him. Michael gave a quick nod of
the head. "Em, we better get going. It's late and we all have to work tomorrow."

Ted picked up his coat. "I'll go start the car. I hope we can find our way out of here. See you tomorrow
Justin."

"We'll just follow the North Star Ted," Emmett called after him. He turned to Michael and Justin "or
maybe the street signs like normal people."

Justin looked at his two remaining friends. "You have to work tomorrow? What time will you all be
around?"

"Why don't you meet us at my mom's after 3 p.m. We are all going to get together for a couple hours."

"Okay, that'll be good. I can see Daphne and Lindsay earlier. Daph is flying to Boston tomorrow
afternoon for the rest of the week."

Emmett stamped his foot and started worrying again. "You never said Daphne wouldn't be around."

"Emmett, it's okay!" Justin sighed in frustration.

Michael dragged Emmett out the door. "Night Justin."

"Good night Michael."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 24, 2001

"... Bells will be ringing, the glad, glad news; Oh, what a Christmas, to have the blues; My baby's gone; I
have no friends; To wish me greetings once again. Choirs will be singing, Silent Night Oh, Christmas
Carols, by candlelight. Please come home for Christmas; Please come home for Christmas; If not by
Christmas, by New Year's Night..."

Brian sat up on the leather couch of his office and looked at his watch. He fell asleep sometime around 4
a.m. It was now 9 a.m.

He heard a light knock. "Come."

Cynthia opened the door and came in. She carried a coffee in one hand and a bag in the other. "Here, eat
something!"

Brian ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up even more. Cynthia tried not to let him see her
smile. He looked innocent and vulnerable but Cynthia knew the tired man in front of her was neither.

Brian stood up and stretched. "I'll be right back." He grabbed his overnight case and headed for the
private executive bathroom that was adjacent to the boardroom. It was a private bath, with a locking door
and a shower. Surprisingly, that was all Brian had ever used it for. He sat down on the chair in the
carpeted area and took a deep breath. He needed to shower, shave, change and get back to work. It was
actually going better than expected. He would go home tonight and come back the morning of the 26th.
He normally would work Christmas Day but he wanted to spend time in the loft since Justin had
decorated it. He knew Justin probably left food in the freezer so he was all set. It might not be as bad as
other years, plus he had presents to unwrap. No Justin, but it would seem like he was there.

Brian thought back to the other morning when he watched the blond wake. His beautiful body had been
so warm and welcoming. Brian needed to stop thinking about Justin. It was weak and counter-productive

to what he had decided. He moved his neck and stretched his shoulders. His mind wandered back to the
feelings he had when he saw the loft, how he and Gus stared at all the decorations. Brian felt he could
sense Justin in all of it. His style, taste, humor, and more importantly his love. Brian roused himself when
he realized he had almost fallen asleep again.

Cynthia was waiting for him when he got back to the office. She was smiling. "What?"

"I went to their secretary. It's not as bad as we thought."

"What did the dynamic dunces do?"

"Instead of using this years actual revenues they used last year's projections. Nancy had the figures and
was able to put them into the spreadsheet and merge it into the report. Here it is, all done and correct. You
should be able to use the standard formula and get this year's projections, and be done with it."

Brian had worked aggressively on all the other parts of the annual report saving the Brad/Bob debacle
until last, figuring it would take a couple days. Brian picked up the report and thumbed through it. He
matched the figures with the other spreadsheets he had. The calculations worked. He was almost done. He
would have a couple days to work on the presentation and printing of the document.

"Since we can't fire the dunces, make sure Nancy gets something nice from us."

Cynthia nodded. "Done, and you might put her on the advancement list."

"Yeah, but then you would watch out for the dunces?"

"How about a raise and administrative title?"

Brian nodded. "I'll talk to Ryder. He was nearly apoplectic at the meeting the other day when he saw their
figures. He may just put her in charge of them."

Cynthia laughed. "Anything else? I want to get out of here by noon."

"Noon?"

"Yes Scrooge. I have to drive to Philadelphia. What about you?" Brian shrugged a non-answer. "Well,
remember they want the building emptied by 7 p.m. I arranged for security to know you were leaving
your Jeep here."

"Thank you. Did I send you a present?"

"Yes, a very nice one."

"What did I get you?"

"It was black and from an exclusive lingerie shop. That's all you need to know."

"That's probably all I would want to know." Brian made a face.

Cynthia laughed and closed the door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...I'll have a blue Christmas without you; I'll be so blue thinking about you.

Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree won't mean a thing if you're not

here with me..."

"Daphne will you stop. I already have had my mother, Ted, Em and Michael tell me what I did wrong. I
still have to get through Lindsay, Melanie, Vic and Debbie. Show me some mercy."

"You don't deserve any. I am so glad your mother caught on. A wool shirt? Were you nuts?"

"Well, it worked for the most part."

"Yes, my scheming genius, except for the fact Brian is still not here and you are so caught by your mom."

"It wasn't just Brian!" Justin was depressed enough about Brian without Daphne having to bring it up ---
over and over.

"I know Justin but you should have told your mom!"

"Daph, when does your plane leave?"

"Not for hours."

"Shit."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm going."

"Wait, I'll yell it from the top of the building."

"You are going home tonight, aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm not that bad. I just want to finish this. I'm on a roll."

"Boss, just remember to be out of here by 7 p.m."

"I'll remember."

"Don't forget getting a taxi will be tough. Call for one."

"Yes Mother. Now go and drink eggnog or something."

"Merry Christmas."

Brian stopped typing for a moment. He smiled at Cynthia. "You too. Now go spend the bonus that you
got along with the gross black thing."

Cynthia walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Go home Brian, I know he's not there but you
can call him."

Brian stiffened at both the touch and the comment. "Good-bye Cynthia."

Cynthia sighed. He was a true idiot. She knew Justin would have stayed if Brian had just asked. "See you
in a couple days."

"You will be back on Thursday won't you?"

"Yes, you mean thing. I wanted the whole week."

"Next year Cynthia, next year someone else does this. We've had out turn at it."

She nodded and waved as she left.

Brian watched her leave. He sat back in the chair and thought about it. He would have stayed; Brian knew
he only had had to ask Justin. But he knew his lover was better off where he was, with his mom and
family, skiing on white slopes of the Rockies, far away from the memories of the last year.

"...I'll have a blue Christmas, that's certain; And when that blue heartache

starts hurting, You'll be doing all right with your Christmas of white,

but I'll have a blue, blue Christmas..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin picked up Gus to kiss him.

"Are you sure you don't want to come tomorrow?" Lindsay was tugging on him trying to convince him to
go to their friends with them on the next day.

Melanie was laughing. "Linz, I don't think Justin's idea of a great Christmas is to be surrounded by
lesbians and children. Not a real man in sight!"

Justin felt himself blush a bit but he smiled, "Well, Mel, there were a couple at the hospital when Gus was
born that I wasn't so sure about." He grinned and winked at them.

The two women started to giggle. "Yeah," Melanie laughed, "no one wears flannel like us." The three
started laughing remembering Emmett's flannel party when they all thought Michael was moving to the
Pacific Northwest.

Justin nodded. "Good thing you had something I could wear." They continued to laugh. Gus smiled and
laughed with them. Justin handed Gus to Melanie and gave Lindsay a hug. "I'll see you all in a couple
days. Thank you for the gifts."

"Don't peak Justin!"

"You sound like my mother Lindsay. I don't understand why I can't open them now."

"I just want to make sure you have lots of things to open and keep you busy tomorrow. Are you really
sure?"

"God Linz, he's sure!" She handed Gus to her wife. "Now give me my hug too." She wrapped her arms
around Justin and gave his a tight hug. She looked over at Lindsay and then whispered in his ear. "You
sure Baby?"

Justin gave her a small nod as he hugged her back and whispered, "yes," in her ear.

Melanie let him go. "Okay."

He smiled at them and left.

Lindsay looked at her. "I know what you asked him, don't you dare call me over protective."

Melanie laughed and looked at Gus. "Busted." She leaned in and kissed Lindsay.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin left the Peterson-Marcus household and headed to the loft. It took him two trips from the car but he
got everything upstairs. He had decided he was going to spend Christmas at the loft. Brian would never
know and he would feel close to him there. He packed up all his gifts and what was left of the food his
mother had prepared. Justin pulled the casserole he made out of the freezer and put it in the fridge to start
to thaw. He had stopped at the bakery and green grocer a couple blocks from the loft. He had gotten fresh
bread, rolls, cinnamon rolls and a variety of fruit. Brian's refrigerator actually looked filled. If they went
looking for him on Christmas Day he figured no one would look for him here at Brian's. He parked his
mom's car in Brian's spot in the parking lot behind the building; he didn't think anyone would pay
attention to it. Brian wasn't there to complain someone was in his spot and he usually parked in the front
of the building anyway.

Justin saw it was almost 2:30 p.m. He needed to get to Debbie's before the hounds were sent out for him.
Justin did a last check of the loft. He put his gifts under the tree. He saw all Brian's gifts still in shopping
bags. He decided to indulge his fantasy a bit more and placed Brian's presents under the tree as well.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Surprisingly it was Vic not Debbie who read him the riot act. Vic felt very strongly about family and he
hated that Justin threw away a chance to be with his mother and sister. "They are all you have in the end
Justin. Don't waste time trying to figure out how not to be with them. Spend your energy trying to make
time to be with them. After what happened to you Justin, you should have known that in your heart."

Justin realized how important the time was that Vic had with Michael and Debbie. He knew why it was
important. He ended up promising Vic to never do it again, regardless how other members of his family
felt. He shyly told Vic he would always make time for him too.

"You better Princess, you are part of my family, and if I ever think of pulling a fast one on me you'll be
one sorry little boy." Vic slapped him hard on the butt and went to the kitchen to get him a glass of wine.

He looked at Debbie and grimaced. "Well?"

"What can I add? Vic said it all. Luckily, the women in our families are smarter than the little boys."

Vic came back. "I heard that Sis."

"Well, you should have listened to me then when I told you Roberto was a skunk."

He looked at Justin. "Here's some more advice. Don't share your love life with your sister, it'll only result
in `I told you so's'." He handed Justin his wine. "Come on Princess, we need to have a gay father to gay
son talk." He took Justin's hand and they moved off towards the Christmas tree and Vic sat him down
next to his chair.

Michael stood next to his mother and watched as Vic talked to Justin and Justin nodded. "What is that all
about Mom?"

Debbie shook her head, "God only knows. He's either telling him how to get away with it next time, or
reading him the next riot act about not waiting around for a certain someone."

Across the room Justin listened to Vic tell him about his own family. How his father died before he knew
and his mother wouldn't talk to him when she found out. Vic told Justin why he should have told his
mother and they should have made the decision together. How Vic admired Justin's mother and she
deserved better, and that he deserved better from his family and that he shouldn't waste the family he was
given by trying to make his entire family happy. "Justin in the end they will make their own decisions
whether to accept you or not. The difference is you don't need their acceptance because you are who you
are. Celebrate with the family members that love you for who are and feel sorry for the other assholes
because they don't understand what a family is and will never enjoy it as a result."

Justin listened and absorbed Vic's lesson in life the best he could. He was so glad to have Vic in his life.
He sat down on the floor next to Vic's feet and spent the next couple hours with Vic, Debbie, Ted,
Emmett, and Michael. All members of his family.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian looked at the clock. It was just after 6:00. If he finished this section, he would be done except for
the production of the document. He was actually 2 days ahead of schedule. He thought about it and
decided to finish and not come in until Wednesday afternoon. He could set it all up and have Cynthia
process it Thursday when she got back. Maybe they could both take Friday off. Justin was due home
Sunday. Maybe he would call him and see if he could come home early. Brian immediately shook his
head. He wasn't going to do that.

By 7:30 Brian was in the lobby waiting for a taxi. He had a half hour wait. The snow was slowing traffic
and there were a lot fewer cabs. After about twenty minutes of waiting he heard a horn. The taxi was out
front. Brian got in the taxi and heard the same Christmas carol that was playing in the lobby. He frowned
and was tempted to ask the taxi driver to turn it off. Instead he just settled back for the long winter's ride.
Humming along with the song that was annoying him.

"...Chestnuts roasting on an open fire; Jack Frost nipping at your nose;

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir; And folks dressed up like eskimos; Everybody knows a turkey and
some mistletoe; Help to make the season bright Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow ; Will find it hard to
sleep tonight, They know that Santa's on his way; He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh;
And every mother's child is gonna spy; To see if reindeer really know hot to fly; And so I'm offering this
simple wish, to

kids from one to ninety-two Although it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Chrismas to you..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too." Brian leaned in to give the taxi driver a hefty tip. He had finally
promised the driver a twenty if he turned off the damn song. The driver agreed but Brian realized he had
kept humming it in the back seat anyway. He was totally disgusted with himself. He didn't do holidays the
way others did, next thing you know he'd be out caroling. Brian stopped as he handed the driver a fifty-
dollar bill and thought about it. "No never, I'll commit myself first."

"What?" the man in the front seat asked.

"Nothing. Thanks for the ride."

"Your change?"

"Keep it."

Brian got out of the taxi, and he pulled his scarf around his chin a bit tighter as the snow fell on his bare
head. Brian looked up at the loft. He thought he saw a soft glow of lights. He was going to kill Justin if he
left any of the decorations on. He knew he should have stopped back at the loft to check. Angrily he
stepped towards the roadside.

Brian started cursing as his foot slid and his Prada boots were suddenly wet from the slush at the curb.
"Terrific. What's next? Tiny Tim and Bob Crachet begging for sixpence." He reached the sidewalk under
the protected entrance to the building. He stamped his feet on the sidewalk to get the slush off his boots.
"Maybe it's the ghosts waiting for me. I should have gone away." He looked at his reflection in the glass
door as he reached to open it. "You are getting too soft for your own good. Letting the staff go at noon,
giving the driver a fifty... and humming. You are in trouble Kinney, snap out of it."

He opened the door and headed for the elevator. The building was quiet. It was almost 8:30 and most of
his building went away for the holidays, actually he figured they went home. So did he, the loft just
happened to be where his home was. He wondered what Justin left on. He was lucky there wasn't a fire or
something. The man was in for it when he got home. At least the alarm was on and the door locked, he
remembered that much at least. Brian unlocked the door and quietly opened it. The building was so
hushed it didn't seem like he should make noise.

Brian noticed two things immediately, the aroma of food and that all the decorations were lit. He set down
his overnight case and quietly closed the door. He wondered who was here. Justin might have left the
lights on, but the food was definitely not a left over from the other day. He walked to the oven and peaked
in. The casserole dish was the same one Justin had put in the freezer. Who knew he was coming home?
Brian noticed the train was moving when the CD player changed disks. He walked into the living room
and saw the TV was on the Yule log. He heard a soft snore before he saw the sleeper on the couch.

Bells jingled softly as Justin moved a bit but he didn't waken. Brian stood there and looked down at his
Christmas Elf, dressed in his red robe and pajama bottoms. His hand loosely held the bells Brian had
given him weeks ago. Brian didn't want to wake him; he loved watching Justin sleep. The younger man
was beautiful and when he slept his body was completely relaxed, there was no tension and worries on his
face. He always had a slightly sensual look on his face. Lovers would never be able to resist kissing that
face, but Brian knew that so far, he was the only one to see it. Brian reached out and deftly lifted the bells
from Justin's hand. The younger man didn't move. Brian smiled as he jingled the bells a bit. "There is a
Santa after all."

Brian went over to the door. He took off his boots and picked up his overnight bag. He quietly made his
way into the bedroom. He changed into his own robe. He went into the closet and pulled out the two
ornaments he bought last week. He went to the living room and hung them on the tree. One for Gus and
one for Justin. Each had the year painted on them. He looked back at Justin who showed no signs of
waking. He hated to wake him but he wanted answers. What was Justin doing here and how did he know
Brian would be home for Christmas?

Brian decided to wait until he woke up naturally. Judging from the way Justin was dressed he wasn't
planning on leaving. Brian went into the kitchen. He checked the casserole and discovered it was almost
the right temperature. He heard his own stomach growl and realized he hadn't eaten since that morning.
He opened the refrigerator and found a lot of food to nibble. He started looking in containers and tasting
the different dishes. He ended up with a small plate and a bottle of beer. He sat down at the counter and
snacked, waiting for Justin to wake up. He heard the phone before he saw it. He picked it up and
answered it without thinking.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Justin?"

Brian rolled his eyes. It was Jennifer Taylor.

"No, it's me."

"Brian?"

"Yes."

"Is Justin there?"

"Yes he is, but..."

"What are you doing there?"

Brian made a face at the phone . "I live here."

"You're at your home? At the loft?"

"Yes." The conversation was starting to annoy him. "Where are you?"

"Colorado, she replied shortly.

"Why is Jus..."

"Brian. Let me speak with Justin, he has to learn he can't lie about..."

Brian started to get angry. "Wait, wait. What is Justin doing here? Why isn't he with you?"

"Why is he with you? He said you were going away. That you didn't know he was staying home."

"Staying home? Why did he stay home?"

"Didn't he tell you? You said he was there."

"I just got in and found him asleep on the couch."

"Is he all right?"

"He looked fine."

"Why is he there if he thinks you are away?"

"I don't know, let me wake him up and ask him."

"No, let him sleep."

"Why? He seems to be the person with all the answers."

"Brian does it look like he expected you?"

"Why shouldn't he, I live here?"

"Then he knew you would be home."

"No! There was no way he could have. Hold on a minute." Brian frowned and looked around. How could
he have known? Cynthia? Brian went over to the dining room table. It was set for a festive but formal
dinner; there was a centerpiece, tablecloth and candles. But there was only one place setting. Brian eyes
narrowed and he went to check Justin. The younger man was still asleep. Brian picked up the eggnog

glass and took a sniff. He smiled sardonically and looked at the slightly snoring Justin and shook his
head.

He walked back to the counter.

"Jennifer?"

"I'm here."

"Maybe you better start from the beginning. Exactly why isn't Justin in Colorado with you? Why do I
have an unexpected sleeping beauty on my couch?"

"Why are you there?" Jennifer demanded.

"Uh,uh. You first. I think you have the better story."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin started to roll over and almost fell off the couch. He opened his eyes and vaguely looked around not
being quite awake yet. He stood up and swayed, but once he steadied himself he climbed the stairs and
headed for the bathroom. Once he relieved himself, he splashed some water on his face to wake up but it
didn't seem to help. He looked at the clock as he made his way back through the bedroom. It was after 10
p.m. "Fuck!" He had forgotten to take dinner out of the oven and call his mother. He came down the stairs
so fast he almost fell. He ran over to the oven. The heat was set down on warm. He wondered when he
had done that. He lifted the lid on the casserole and checked it. It was ready to eat. His stomach growled.
He wondered what he should do first, eat or call his mother? There was a time difference so he could still
call without waking anyone, in fact they might still be eating the late dinner they traditionally had on
Christmas Eve.

His stomach won out. He still felt half asleep. "No more brandy," he said to himself. He took out the
bread rolls and warmed a few in the microwave. He placed a trivet on the table, and then went back to get
the casserole. He set it on the table and moved the glasses out of the way so he could place it on the trivet
between the place settings. He went back and retrieved the tossed salad from the refrigerator. He grabbed
the rolls as well. Justin noticed the candles were already lit. When did he do that? He noticed another
place setting. "Ah, a dream, it figures! No more brandy, although this might be a nice one." Justin went
back for a bottle of wine and the corkscrew. He sat down in his usual seat and set the wine bottle in the
wine cooler. He fiddled with the corkscrew. He looked over as Brian sat down at the other place setting.
Brian silently smiled at him.

Justin frowned and looked down at the corkscrew. Brian always looked so good in his robe, and he
missed his lover so much, he didn't want to look up and see his ghost again. Justin looked up to see if he
was still there.

Brian watched as Justin slowly raised his head and looked at him. "Here let me, you always let cork get
into the wine." Brian took the bottle from him.

Justin automatically handed him the corkscrew. "I do not."

"Yes, you do. And this is too nice a wine to ruin."

"Whatever." Justin sighed. "I should be able to win an argument in my own dream. If you were really here
I could see not winning the argument, but fuck, it's my dream and you should be kissing my ass and
telling me how much you missed me and love me."

"Yeah, right. Too bad I'm really here. You really need to leave the brandy alone Justin. It makes you
snore. Give me your glass."

"Brian." Justin said in disgust, not even in his dreams did Brian behave. Justin handed Brian the glass.
Brian touched Justin's fingers, slowly caressing them and then giving them a squeeze. Justin suddenly
jerked his hand back, and his whole body seemed to jump out of the chair as he moved away from Brian.
Justin stood beside his chair and looked at Brian closely and then around. "I'm awake."

Brian shook his head. "Definitely no more eggnog and brandy for you."

Justin stared at his lover, not moving to sit down again. "When? Where did you come from? Why are you
here? Who told you?"

Brian looked at him. "Justin sit down, I'm hungry and I have had to listen to your stomach growl for over
an hour while waiting for you to wake up."

Justin sat down and looked at Brian. He suddenly smiled and softly spoke to him. "You're really
here...with me...on Christmas Eve."

The look and smile bestowed on him made Brian's cock twitch, but it was the words and tone of voice
that put a lump in his throat. "You noticed. You were always observant."

Brian!" Justin stood up and went over to Brian, took the wine bottle from his hands and promptly sat
down in his lap. He looked at Brian and smirked. "Oh, you are definitely real." Justin felt Brian's reaction
to his ass moving around his lap. He put his arms around Brian and they kissed.

Brian pulled back and took a breath, and then he shook his head. "Get back in your chair. We have to eat
and you have a lot of explaining to do."

Justin tried to ignore him. He caught Brian's mouth in another kiss. The older man relented and opened
his mouth. The kiss deepened, their tongues playing and trying to fuck the other. Brian felt his cock
growing harder. His arms moved from around Justin's waist and his hands slowly slid their way up
Justin's arms. Brian's hands slowly moved over the warm silk of Justin's robe. He remembered how it felt
yesterday morning. He had thought about the feel of the younger man's heat warmed silk robe for two
days. It was his --- finally. He wanted to lift Justin up and carry him to the bed and make love. He hands
moved to either side of Justin's face. His fingers ran through Justin's soft hair, but he finally tightened his
hold and pulled Justin's head away from his own. He sat back a bit and tried to get his balance. Justin tried
to surge forward again but Brian's hands held him back. "No Justin, I was serious. We eat and then talk."

Justin looked into Brian's eyes. He recognized the set of the face, the narrowing of the eyelids, the slight
line in the forehead --- Brian wasn't going to budge. He took a breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay." Brian

released his head and Justin rested his forehead against Brian's for a few moments. "What do you need to
know?"

"I know the `what'. I even know the `how'. And I've been told the `why'. I just want to hear it all from
you."

Justin pulled away. He looked at Brian. "Who did you talk too? Who knew where to find you? Which one
was it? Deb or Emmett? I know it couldn't be Daphne and Michael - he understood, he wouldn't have
called." Justin was quiet for a second. "It was Lindsay wasn't it? She would always know where you were
because of Gus. You didn't have to come back because you feel sorry for me."

"I didn't and I don't."

"What?" Justin asked in a surprised tone.

"You deserve to spend Christmas alone for all the evasion, lying and self-pity you have been doing. Now
sit down and let's finally eat this meal you cooked. I'm hungry and I know you are." Brian took the lid off
the casserole and set it down. He didn't bother to wait for Justin to take his seat. He started to serve him.

Justin flopped down into his chair. "What about the wine?"

"Well, I'll open it if you want to finish serving us and putting the dressing on the salad." Brian looked at
him with raised eyebrows.

Justin nodded and took the serving spoon from him. Brian picked up the corkscrew and opened the wine.
Justin filled Brian's salad bowl and lightly poured the sun-dried tomato vinaigrette over the greens. "Want
a roll?"

Brian nodded and poured them each a glass of wine.

Justin waited until Brian was finished before looking at him again. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Do you want to say a prayer?"

Brian looked at Justin. "What do you think?"

Justin was silent a moment. He closed his eyes and Brian realized he was saying a silent prayer. Brian
waited.

Justin opened his eyes and looked at him. He picked up his glass of wine and raised it to Brian. "Merry
Christmas."

Brian gave a slight dip of his head and reached for his own glass. He saluted Justin and then took a sip of
wine. Justin took a drink from his glass and set it down. He picked up his fork and started his salad.
"Justin, you can start anytime. I want the whole story, the truth, the reasons, the rationale. All of it."

Justin's fork paused. He set it back down. "Now?"

"Just let it all out."

"I have a question first?"

"What?"

"Who told you? And when?"

"That's two. But I'll answer both. Your mother and about 2 hours ago."

Justin's face blanched, "My mom? Fuck, she's going to think I lied again." He started to stand. "I have to
call her."

"Justin, sit down. She knows you didn't lie about my being here. I made sure she knew. She said to call
her in the morning and that she....loves you." Brian rolled his eyes in disgust. "I am not giving you that
message again."

Justin's color returned and he sat down. He suddenly grinned. "Did she tell you to give me a kiss for her?"

Brian had been lifting the fork to his mouth. "Don't press your luck." Brian smiled slightly as he placed
the salad into his mouth. He waited a moment. "Start with the phone call from Colorado."

Justin sighed and nodded. For the next forty-five minutes the two dined and talked. Justin ate slowly as he
recounted his family's comments, the decision not to go, how he faked his cold and slowly set the stage
for staying home. Brian questioned him about certain things, about his motives, his fears and his decision
to stay at the loft.

"Justin, why didn't you tell me?" The two had finished dinner and were starting to clear the table.

"Do you want dessert?" Justin asked from the kitchen, trying to ignore the question.

"What do we have?"

"White and dark Chocolate mousse."

Brian looked over at the refrigerator, "Damn it Justin, is there anything in there

that won't insure I'll be on the treadmill for a week?"

Justin brought the mousse to the table and shrugged, "It's Christmas."

"Is the coffee ready?"

"Yeah, I'll get it." Justin went over to the counter and started to fix the coffee cups. He looked over and
saw Brian's suitcase, there was a small gift lying on top. Curiosity won out. Justin walked over and
quietly lifted the present to look at it. The card was open. Justin had wondered all evening why Brian was
here, why he didn't go away. Brian had sidestepped the questions all though dinner. Justin always
suspected there was more to the story. He wondered if Brian was meeting someone and was stood up so
he came home. Justin looked over at Brian, but he was busy trying to avoid eating the mousse by
polishing the silverware with his napkin. Justin moved so he was hidden by the counter and wall. He
slipped the card out and read it quickly. He frowned at first and then an angry grimace marred his
features. He slipped the card back in the envelope and put the gift back.

"Where's the coffee?"

"I'm coming."

Justin put the coffee and cups on a small holiday tray that had been decorating the counter. He held the
card under the tray out of sight as he and carried it to the table.

"Finally."

"It just took a few minutes. You were just afraid to be left alone with the mousse."

"It's evil Justin, pure evil."

"Want whip cream?"

"Of course."

Justin served them a dish of mousse while Brian poured them each a cup of coffee.

Brian spoke first. "You never answered my question. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you didn't want to hear it. You made that clear. I felt that you were the only one I could tell, the
only one I trusted to tell, and the only person who would understand and maybe know what to do. But
you didn't want to know."

"You should have insisted. You do about everything else."

"You don't change your plans. You told me to stick to your plan. So I did."

"Justin, this was worth telling me about. It was important. Don't to it again."

"And what about you?"

"Me?"

"Why are you home Brian?"

"It's not important."

"You lied to me Brian, why?"

"I had plans Justin, I didn't lie."

Justin pulled the envelope out from under the tray. He pulled the card out from under the tray and started
reading it out loud before Brian realized it.

"Boss,

Merry Christmas. Remember to leave before 7:00 tonight. Don't you dare spend Christmas Eve at the
office. Thanks for the gifts and remember, you promised --- next year someone else does the year-end
report and the new year's projections. We've done our 3 year sentence. Enjoy yourself. I'll be back by
Thursday as promised. You may be Ebenezer but Ryder gets my vote for the Grinch. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Cynthia"

Justin finished the message and looked up at Brian. He set the card down on the tabletop and then sat
back and crossed his arms. He looked at Brian. "What happened to the nameless inn, the nameless fuck,
not changing your plans or considering being with me? Did I ruin your Christmas by being here? Are you
expecting someone? I'm sorry I ruined your plans. You should have just woken me up and kicked me out.
I wanted to be with you and you knew it. But you obviously didn't want to be with me. I'm sorry Brian. I
really am sorry."

Justin got up and started for the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Brian shouted angrily.

"Home...home." Justin was at the stairs when he felt Brian's hand grab him and roughly turn him around.

"You aren't going anywhere. The weather is terrible and it's too late to be out on the roads."

Justin pulled away. His voice was sharp and deep. "Wrong. It's no colder out there than it is in here."

Justin tried to turn around again. But Brian wouldn't let go of him.

"Justin, you are not leaving. You are spending the night and the rest of the holiday here."

"Why?"

"You are staying here until your family gets back."

"Wrong answer, Brian. Wrong answer."

Justin jerked out of his grip and started up the stairs. He went over to pick up the clothes he had folded
and set on the dresser earlier. He heard Brian follow him up the stairs. He was surprised by that, usually
Brian would be throwing open the door and yelling for him to get out for the dramatic performance. This
time Justin had hoped he would. It was better than facing the fact Brian didn't want him. So many people
didn't want him. He was thankful for his mom...and Debbie... and Vic...and Em... and Daphne... Justin
realized he was running out of names. He turned around to place his clothes on the bed so he could
change. Brian was sitting on the bed watching him.

Justin stopped and looked at Brian. Brian was watching him closely, as if he was a dangerous animal that
was going to attack him. Justin stood and waited for Brian to speak. After a long pause Brian finally
moved.

Brian unclenched his hands and put them down on either side of his body. He began to absently draw
circles on the duvet, his eyes never leaving Justin. "What is the right answer Justin?"

"You know it. But you can't give it. After everything I told you tonight, how important your being with
me is you still can't say it. You lied about having plans because you didn't want to be with me, not for a
day or an hour or even a minute. I would have settled for the minute Brian but you didn't even want that.
That hurts more than anything else that's happened to me Brian. It's means it really is the end." Justin felt
his eyes starting to tear. "If you could give me a few minutes alone, I'll get out of here. I'll come back on
the twenty-sixth after you gone to work and I'll get the Christmas stuff out of here. I'll clear out anything I
might have left hanging around."

"Just like that? I don't say something you want to hear and it's over? I don't say stuff you want to hear all
the time and you've never given up before." Brian's hands moved and brushed the bells he had taken from

Justin earlier when he was asleep. He had set them on the bed while he changed and got the ornaments.
He picked up the bells and jostled them gently, listening to the noise they made.

"It's different this time. You know all my secrets now Brian. I don't have anything left. I wanted you, I
needed you, I loved you. I always believed you really felt the same. Now, I don't know...I just don't know.
You lied, you never lied before, not like this."

Brian sat there looking at Justin, slowly shaking the bells in his hand. He didn't move or say anything.
Justin sighed and moved towards the stairs. "I'll get dressed out here. I just need about ten minutes. You're
probably tired. Why don't you lay down a while? I'll lock up on my way out."

Justin walked down the stairs. He looked around bewildered. It was really over. What was he going to do
now? He walked over to the tree and stared at it. He had had such dreams. He should have gone to
Colorado, maybe they would have lasted a little longer, maybe he would have been a little stronger when
this happened. He looked under the tree. He needed a bag. He went to the kitchen to get a garbage bag.
All the gifts should fit in it and he could get out of here in one trip.

Brian had followed Justin with his eyes as he left the room. He quietly stood just out of sight and watched
Justin walk over and stare at the Christmas tree. He wasn't sure what Justin was doing. Justin suddenly
moved into the kitchen and returned with a garbage bag. Brian realized he was really going to leave. It
was no game this time.

He walked down the steps and stood behind the couch. "Don't leave Justin."

Justin had knelt by the tree and was reaching for a brightly wrapped box. He stopped and let his hand fall
to his lap. His head was down, but he finally raised his head, and Brian could see the tears. "Why not
Brian?"

"Because I want you here."

"Why now and not yesterday?"

Brian took a deep breath and then ran his hands through his hair. He was so tense he thought he was
going to scream. He knew one thing, if Justin tried to leave, he would physically stop him if necessary.
"Because I wanted you here yesterday too."

Justin slowly stood up. Brian walked over to him and grabbed his hand. He was terrified that Justin would
pull away and run for the door. "Look." Brian pointed to the two ornaments he had placed on the tree, and
then he moved the ornament so the younger man could see the artist's palette more clearly --- so Justin
could see his name written on the side with the year under it.

Justin seemed very tired but his finger reached out and touched the ornament. "Brian why didn't you ask
me to stay?"

Brian looked around the loft, and then he pulled Justin towards the couch. He pushed him down and sat
next to him. "I wanted you to go with your mom, I thought it was where you needed to be. You have had
a difficult year and you needed to be with your family and the people who love you and the people you
love."

"But that's not really what I wanted."

"But I thought it's what you needed."

"I needed you to want to be with me. I needed you."

"I did want to be with you, but I wanted you to have everything you had given up. I wanted you to have a
family Christmas."

"So you lied?"

"Yes."

"And you made decisions for me, without asking me."

"Yes."

Justin held his hand for a long time not saying anything. He finally turned to Brian, "You want me with
you?"

Brian nodded.

"And if I wanted to leave now, would you let me?"

Brian shook his head no.

"Not because of the weather, but because you want to spend Christmas with me?"

Brian nodded again.

Justin took a deep breath and looked at the tree. He watched the tree calmly, but his hands were holding
tightly on to Brian's.

"We need to finish picking up. Can I have a brandy while we pick up?"

Brian just nodded, and then he cleared his throat. "Only if I can have a shot of bourbon as well?"

Justin nodded and stood up, and Brian was pulled along because Justin wouldn't let go of his hand.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While they were cleaning up and having their drinks, the tension between them had disappeared. They
had fallen back into their comfortable companionship that they often shared while alone in the loft
together. Brian knew he had never had this feeling with anyone else, not even Michael. Until Justin, Brian
had never needed to share the loft with anyone, and Justin seemed to become part of the loft when he was
there. Justin knew when to be quiet or noisy around Brian. Brian realized he knew the same about Justin.
He could sense when Justin didn't want to talk or wanted to draw or even when the man was vibrating
with energy and needed to move around and dance. He couldn't have let Justin leave the loft earlier, it
would have never felt like the same place again.

The two settled on the couch. Justin's back leaned against Brian's chest, and his legs were tucked between
Brian's as they lay back against the arm. Brian had his arms around Justin, their hands clasped. Brian
heard Justin take a deep breath, and he was sure the younger man purred.

"You say something?"

"Mmmm, no. Isn't our tree pretty?"

"Our?"

"You know what I mean."

"Unfortunately."

He felt Justin's body shake a bit and realized the younger man was laughing.

"So you got your wish after all, huh?" Brian moved his hands, letting go of Justin's. Justin followed
Brian's hands and tapped his fingers against Brian's. They proceeded to play with each other's fingers,
playing a game of touching and intertwining. Their fingers danced together to the music that was playing,
as if their bodies were too tired or comfortable to get up and dance.

"It was a wish," Justin said simply.

Before settling, they both had had another drink and toast. Brian had a shot of Jim Bean and Justin a glass
of brandy. Brian noticed Justin's body was very relaxed.

"Brandy seems to make you very pliable."

"Mmm, and relaxed."

Brian smiled and nibbled Justin's ear. The younger man giggled a bit. Brian rolled his eyes. "I don't know
Justin, those Christian Brothers certainly know how to give you a glow. Should I be worried?"

"Makes me all warm."

"What next? Will I have to worry about the monks at the abbey outside of town?"

Justin laughed. "No." He paused, "Do they make brandy too?"

Brian snorted. "We are not going to find out." Brian held Justin quietly for a few more minutes. "Justin?"

"Yeah?" He lifted Brian's hands and kissed his fingers, sucking the tip of the index finger into his mouth.

Brian took a breath and pulled his finger away from Justin's hot tongue. "You do understand what you did
wrong."

"Well, if I accept your philosophy I once again made decisions based on what I thought people should
have or need or want. I made their decisions for them and considered my own happiness second." He
moved a bit. "Which isn't necessarily a bad thing Brian."

"Justin you can't live your life the way others want you to, you have to live it the way you want to."

"Like you?"

"Yes."

"Brian there is nothing wrong with wanting to make my mother and sister happy. If I thought something
like not going to Colorado would do something to make my mother happy, I might try it again."

"It wasn't your decision Justin. Your mother's marriage isn't your business. She and your father are
responsible for their own happiness."

"Brian that's not totally true. I am responsible for some of it, as my parents are responsible for some of
mine. It's part of living and loving and being a member of a family."

"No it's not, that's not true. My family isn't responsible for my happiness. In fact not having them around
is responsible for my happiness."

"Maybe, but not every family is defined by biology. You have a family with the guys and Lindsay, with
Debbie --- it's there."

"That's not a family," Brian said sullenly.

"Yes it is. You know I fucked it up this week for all my family, including the family I share with you. I
did want them to be truly happy but the length I went to was wrong. It was my mom's decision and I
should have told her. I'll know better the next time. I worried Deb and Vic, all because of what I wanted. I

was responsible for some of their hurt, the same way I'm responsible for some of their happiness. There
were other ways I could have stayed here and been truly happy. I thought of myself first Brian --- what I
wanted for Mom, for Molly and what I didn't want to go through. I also wanted to be here with you. Next
time I'll know better."

"What will you know better?"

"To be honest with my mother, especially about family things and the way my family treats me and..."

"And?" Brian was waiting for the acknowledgement about knowing he was responsible for his own
happiness. Brian wanted Justin to learn the lesson once and for all.

Justin was silent a minute. "And make sure that next time the plan works."

Brian's hand stilled. "What?"

Justin snuggled down bit. "You heard me."

"That's not the lesson Justin, the lesson is absolute honesty regardless of who it hurts and that you are
responsible for your own..."

"That's just so much bullshit Brian, weren't you listening?" Justin's brandy loosened voice interrupted
Brian.

"What? Justin. Listen to me. You have to learn only you are responsible for your own happiness. You
make yourself happy or not by deciding how to live your life --- what you are willing to accept or desire,
no apologies or regrets."

"And that has made you happy?"

"Yes."

"Bullshit, Brian. You know I'm right Brian."

"What?" asked a frustrated Brian, "I am happy."

"Yeah, now, more or less. There's a difference in being really happy Brian and allowing yourself to think
you are happy. You used a strict set of rules to insure not your happiness but sexual satisfaction and a
world with comfortable routine. You just made sure you didn't become unhappier. You won't let yourself
be really happy, you fight it all the time."

"Justin..." Brian froze.

"You see Brian, if you really believed the line you feed us about not believing in love then you need to
start practicing what you preach."

"What!"

"First, you know you aren't honest with me, you hurt me because you won't be honest about how you feel.
You love me."

"Look, Justin, I told you I don't do love or boyfr.."

"Sure you do. Accept it. And before you spew anymore pompous shit, you know damn well that my
happiness is partially tied to you. You are responsible for it, the same way I am for yours. You did the
same thing I did this Christmas, right from making decisions for me to lying about your Christmas plans.
You weren't thinking of your happiness first so that blows your whole philosophy out of the water.
Besides you've broken that little rule over and over. The first time I noticed it big time was Michael's
birthday, although I saw some cracks in your line of bull before that. Like we were supposed to believe
what you did to Michael made you happy? Yeah, right. Doing shit like that and what we just did...well,
it's the nature of family, friends and love, thinking of the needs of the people you love over your own. I
just wish you'd admit it."

Brian was silent. He realized he hadn't shoved Justin off the couch and out the door in outrage. Why
hadn't he done that? In fact, he was still holding Justin in his arms and the younger man was relaxed and
unstressed. Not a sign of fear or tension in his body. Why? He was being held by a man who believed in
honesty no matter how much it hurt. No apologies and no regrets, yet Justin wasn't the least worried.

The problem with absolute honesty was that you had to accept it as well as give it. Brian frowned. He had
heard the truth and had no defense so he remained quiet. Most of what Justin had said was true. He made
decisions for Michael all the time. He made decisions for Justin too. He wanted Justin in Colorado
because he thought going was the best thing for the younger man. He never considered asking Justin. He
never looked beyond what he thought Justin needed to see that Justin had problems and needed to talk
about them. Or that he had reasons for not wanting to go other than wanting to be with him. He had failed
Justin. Plus, he did the same thing Justin did. He concocted a story to be alone. He felt Justin pull his
hands so they crossed. He moved a bit and held Justin tighter, their hands clasped but still. "Okay, so
maybe I may have made a small decision here or there but..."

"Brian you just have to accept the truth."

"And that is?"

"I told you. You love me."

Brian felt trapped. He felt lost. He felt safe. He felt loved. Brian thought he was going to be sick. "Fuck."

"We can do that later, I'm too comfortable right now."

Brian's eyebrows rose. "What?" He asked in disbelief.

"I usually try to be a little gentler with you Brian, but I can't seem to do that right now. The bottom line is
we love each other, and in the future we both need to be more honest in what we want and need. That way
no more plots and plans by either of us. Your happiness and my happiness are not exclusive; part of it is
dependent on the other person. It's that simple if you let it be."

"Nothing is ever that simple Justin." Brian admitted quietly.

"I know but it doesn't have to be as complicated as the two of us make it. Maybe someday you can even
tell me you love me. I'll wait. I feel your love all the time, I would just like to hear it sometime but I can
wait until you are ready."

Brian nodded. He closed his eyes and tried to figure out how to say to Justin what he needed to say. All
his talk and thoughts about pushing the boy away for his own good weren't going to happen. That fact
was Justin was right, they needed each other and somehow they had become inexplicably bound together.
Brian hated it, he hated the thought of it and the reality of it, but he also knew he never wanted to let
Justin go; he never wanted to be without him again. This is why he hated the word `relationship' and why
he told people he didn't believe in love. Relationships sucked and love was a horrible thing. Now he had
both. How did he ever get this lucky?

"Justin, it's not going to change overnight, and I'm certainly not going to change in the next decade or so
at least. You have to give me time to adjust to it all this. Whatever this is." He gave Justin a squeeze.

"That's all I ever wanted Brian. We'll be okay. You'll adjust." He tightened his hold on Brian's hand as he
leaned his head back against Brian's shoulder. He turned and looked at Brian. They kissed lightly.

Brian pulled away and looked down at Justin, the boy suddenly got a sly smile on his face. "What?"

"Adjust -- get it?"

Brian shook his head no.

"Adjust --- ad...just, you know as in add and just. Add Justin. Add Justin to my life, my Christmas list, my
credit cards, my car insurance..."

Brian looked at the younger man. "How the hell much brandy did you put in that glass?"

Justin giggled. "I really like those Brothers."

Brian started laughing. "I'll have to remember that."

The two men watched the tree for a while longer. Brian heard Justin give a soft snore. He smiled and
relaxed back into the couch, wondering how he was going to cope with a life with Justin Taylor. Lover.
Family. Friends. Yes, he did have all those. He would have to call Michael tomorrow. Justin moved a bit,
grinding his body into Brian's. He would wake soon enough and then they would head for bed for more
than sleeping. Brian waited and watched the train chug quietly around the tree. He never remembered
finding such peace in his home before. He smiled knowing no one could see it and muttered, "Fucking
Holidays," to no one in particular.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know Where the treetops glisten and
children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write May your days be merry and bright,
And may all your Christmases be white..."

Brian woke up and realized he was alone on the couch. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He
looked around and saw Justin standing by the window and looking out at the falling snow. He got up and
walked over to stand behind him. He slowly reached out and put his arms around Justin, not wanting to
startle to him. He heard Justin let out a deep sounding sigh that seemed to reverberate through his body as
he leaned back into Brian's arms and warmth. "You are practically purring. Are you that contented?"

Justin smiled up at him and then just nodded. The two lovers continued to look out the window and watch
the falling snow. Justin might have been purring but Brian noticed he was humming Christmas music
again. Fucking holidays. He tried to stop.

"Brian?"

"Yes."

"I know nothing is perfect, but with moments like this... it makes all the rest of it okay. You know what I
mean?"

He pulled Justin closer and kissed his ear lightly. "Surprisingly, I do Baby." They slowly swayed to the
slow jazz version of `White Christmas' on the CD Player. Brian decided just to give up fighting it and
hummed along to the song.

When the song was over Brian led Justin up the stairs to bed for a very private Christmas Eve dream. In
the middle of their dream, Santa quietly whispered to the Christmas Elf that he loved him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 25

"...Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight; Think of all the fun I've missed. Think of all the
fellas that I haven't kissed; Next year I could be oh so good, If you'd check off my Christmas list. Santa
baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight; Come and trim my Christmas tree. With some decorations
bought at Tiffany's; I really do believe in you; Let's see if you believe in me; Boo doo bee doo.. Santa
baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight..."

The man with a Santa hat on opened the box and pushed the tissue paper aside. Justin looked over Brian's
arm as he tried to quickly put the top back on the box.

"Hey, let me see!" The leather-covered bells suspended from a red ribbon tied around Justin's neck jingled
as the two men played a quick tug-of-war over the box.

"You're too young." Brian insisted as he tried to hold on to the box.

Justin rolled his eyes and suddenly stopped tugging on the box. When Brian relaxed thinking he had won,
Justin grabbed the box from him and opened it up.

"Hey!" Brian protested. He grimaced as Justin lifted the offending item from the box.

"Who is it from?" Justin asked in shock.

"Emmett," Brian answered, as if that explained it all.

Justin held up the shirt. He too grimaced as he held it up and examined it. "Shit!"

"Exactly."

"What are you going to do with it?"

"Put it with the others he has given me over the years."

"It's like this every year?"

Brian nodded.

Justin's forehead creased in thought. "Where?"

"Where what?

"Where do you keep them, I've never seen anything like this."

"And you would know because you have snooped and stalked every corner of the loft, I suppose."

Justin grinned. "I'm very talented."

"So I've heard."

"You've more than heard." Justin snickered. "Really, where do you keep these?"

"In a very dark, well hidden place." Brian looked over Justin's pile of boxes and pulled one out. "Here, see
what he got you."

Justin unwrapped the gift and smiled, "Em knows me, he loves me. He'd never give me something like
that."

Justin opened the box and pushed the paper aside. He quickly reached for the lid and slammed it on the
box. He frowned.

"Oh? `He loves me'," Brian mimicked as he reached for the box.

Justin tried to put it out of reach.

Brian moved quickly to stop him. "No you don't. Let me see."

"No, it's okay. Let's just say he did it to me too."

Brian wrestled the box from Justin's grip.

"No. Brian, you..."

Brian opened the box and stopped. "What the fuck?" Brian lifted out the identical shirt that Emmett had
given him. "I'm going to kill him. He gave us fucking matching shirts. Has he lost what little mind he
has?"

Justin covered his mouth to hide his smile. It was sort of funny, especially the look on Brian's face.

Brian looked at him. "It's not funny. He is hardly subtle." Brian shook his head. "At least he could have
done it with something attractive."

Justin started to laugh. "I'll wear mine if you wear yours."

"Have you been hitting the brandy this morning?"

"You should always wear a gift at least once. I'll wear mine this morning if you do, and then we can
honestly say we wore them and at the same time. That should shut him up."

"Justin no one has to be that polite about receiving a gift."

"Are you afraid for me to see you in it? Maybe that even the Kinney good looks and poise can't overcome
a fashion problem?"

Brian looked at him. "Oh! And I'm supposed to fall for that kind of challenge? Justin I wrote the book on
manipulation."

Justin stuck his lower lip out in a pout.

Brian laughed. "Fuck, all right I'll wear mine if you wear yours, but then it joins the others."

Justin smiled. "On one condition."

Brian rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue in his cheek making a clicking sound. "You are never satisfied.
What?"

"My shirt joins yours in the dark hidden place."

"Deal." Brian extended his hand and they shook on the agreement.

"Brian?"

"What?" Brian was playing with the retro wind-up toy Michael had given him.

"That shirt at Senator's Baxter's fundraiser, I always thought you borrowed it from Em, but it fit too well.
That was one of Em's earlier gifts wasn't it?"

Brian laughed. "Yeah, I dug it out of the dark hole for the night. I never actually thought I'd have an
occasion to wear something he gave me, but life is full of surprises." He gave Justin a look that made the
younger man smile deeply.

Justin broke their gaze first. He looked around at the piles of wrapping paper and boxes. "Are you going
to open your gift from Gus?"

"My kid's pretty smart if he can shop and wrap already." Brian took the box Justin handed him. He was
almost afraid to open it. "I wonder what Mel put in here?"

Justin smiled because he knew. "I'm pretty sure it's safe."

Brian opened the small box. In the box was a note and a framed picture of Gus dressed in his Halloween
costume and holding the bear Brian gave him. The frame was made of silver and was desk size. It had
`For Dada' engraved on top and `Love, Gus' on the bottom. Brian stared at it for a while. He didn't think
he could speak, he carefully set it back in the box, and then opened the note and read it. He set it down
and made a swipe at his eyes. Justin let him regain his composure before saying anything.

"You read the note?"

Brian looked up and nodded. He cleared his throat. "You knew?"

It was Justin's turn to nod. "I always wondered so I asked Lindsay once. She told me that when Gus was
born the hospital asked for the father's name and just filled out the certificate that way. When we made
cookies last week she showed it to me and said that Melanie agreed not to change it with the adoption
papers."

"I never asked her not to do it."

"But you're glad."

Brian nodded. "Melanie agreed to Gus's middle name being Marcus. That was the only change on the
papers when they filed them. This way we each gave him part of his name. Good thing you were there to
back Lindsay on Gus as a first name." Brian shook his head in wonder. "Who'd have thought a name
would mean that much too me?"

"Some things just do, and you will be a dad who'll never hate the fact that his son has his last name."

Brian smiled sadly at Justin because he knew he was thinking of his own dad. "It doesn't matter, you are
entitled to it. It's your name too. Someone gave it to him too." Brian moved to get another gift. One he
had set aside at Jennifer's request. Brian handed Justin the box.

"From you?"

Brian shook his head. "I think I've given you enough." He looked at the watch on Justin's wrist that was
almost a mortgage payment.

Justin followed his look. He grinned. "Yeah, but what you said last night meant even more."

"You mean I could have gotten off cheap, just a few words and that's it?"

Justin face grew serious. "I know what those few words cost you Brian, that's what made them priceless."
He smiled suddenly. "And non-returnable. They were a final sale item."

"At least we have shopping in common." Brian ran his hands over his face and wondered for the
hundredth time since last night how the fuck he let it happen.

Justin jiggled the gift. "So it's not from you?"

"No, I'm told it's from your Grandfather Taylor."

"Cool, it's supposed to be enough to piss off my dad and Grandfather Walt."

Brian had to smile. The look on Justin's face was of a child, full of anticipation and happiness. "What do
you think it is?"

"Well, Grandpa talked about sending me to Europe this summer and that would really piss off my dad."

Brian paused. "This is your father's father, right?"

Justin nodded. "They don't exactly agree on a lot of things."

"Sounds pretty much like most fathers and sons I know. I take it you are one of the things they disagree
on?"

Justin unwrapped the gift as he answered Brian. "I guess. Grandpa has never said anything but I know he
knows everything." Justin opened the box. Inside there was a note and a smaller box. He set the larger
box aside and started to open the note. "He hasn't changed the ways he treats me at all. He always says he
loves me when we are about to say good by on the phone."

Brian picked up the box Justin set down when he saw a bright color under the tissue. He pulled it out and
looked at it. He eyebrows went up. "I'll say he loves you." Justin had started to read the letter and didn't
hear him. Brian looked over his shoulder trying to read the page. Justin finished the letter and handed it to
Brian. He had tears rolling down his face and he just looked down at the small box in confusion, unable to
open it.

Brian quickly read the letter.

"Justin, when I went off to college all those years ago your great grandfather gave me something that I
thought was the best gift possible. He told me that it was an incentive and that I was to try hard and be a
success, and then I would be able to do better for my son when his time to go to college came. He wanted
me to be a better father than he was and his gift was to be a reminder. When your dad went off to college
I proudly gave him what my dad gave me, as well as the same speech. I thought it would become a sort of
a rite of passage for Taylor men. (Make that Taylor family, I did the same for Karen and I'll do the same
for Molly if I have to.)

Now, remember when I said I thought it was the best gift possible. I missed the point Justin. I worked
hard to be able to give my family everything. My dad died just after you were born, he was eighty. Before
he died we had a talk. He said he always hoped that I would finally figure out what he meant when he
gave me the gift and sent me off to college. He despaired for years when he realized I hadn't. He told me
that I had spent too much time working and not enough time being a father. Just like him. I explained I
gave my children everything, just like he asked of me. Dad just shook his head at me and explained that
his gift was supposed to be a reminder not of his success but of his absence.

I remember asking why he didn't say anything sooner, and he told me he loved me but I had to learn some
things on my own. He just figured since I had failed to learn it in the last forty years he better mention it
before he died. I remembered how I felt the day I received the gift, and I realized that's what my father
did. He gave gifts, but he was never around when I was a child. Not for my first step or first kiss, when I

had my tonsils, not even when my mom died. I had repeated the pattern, never realizing it. I took a hard
look around after my dad died. I thought your dad would be smarter than me. I watched him as a young
Dad and I thought he had seen what I hadn't. I knew he worked hard but he was more involved with his
children than I had been with mine. I thought he got it right.

I'm sorry I missed so much Justin and that I didn't know everything that was going on until it was too late
to be of any help. But from now on, when your dad can't or won't be there, I want you to know I will be. I
thought I raised him better than this. I love my son dearly but I guess he just hasn't matured enough to
even understand what a father should be. I thought he understood about family and love, but he is still a
work in progress.

Know this Justin, I am your grandpa and I think you are perfect just the way you are, and I love you just
the way you are. I'm coming home before New Year's. Lil and I are staying with you and your mom. I
would like to meet your new friends and thank them for helping you through a difficult time, a time when
I should have been there. I also want to meet the man you are dating.

As for your gift, you are getting the same as I got, as your dad got, but no more vague words about it's
meaning. It is just a gift, no more, no less. Just a tradition. I thought Craig would do the same for you but
I found out he didn't. I know this is something you wanted and have complained about not having. It's my
fault why you never got one, I wanted your parents to wait for your first day of college and the unspoken
tradition. I didn't realize it never happened. Now, for the rest of it. I think it would have just been a lot
easier than giving me a gift if my dad had said, "Danny, I wish I had more time to spend with you. I love
you. Be a good provider but be a better dad. " Maybe if he did I would have said the same to your dad and
things would be different. So for you, the tradition --- the rite of passage is truth, and it's a truth learned in
the lessons of your family. Justin, there is no gift, no substitute, no possession more important than the
simple act of loving your family, your wife or husband, your child and spending time with them. That's
what your great grandfather wanted to say to me all those years ago, and finally it's the gift the Taylor
sons and daughters need to learn to give to their own children. Consider the gift given, and pay more
attention than the rest of the Taylor men. Merry Christmas, Son. I love you very much. Grandpa

PS

I know you're only 18 years old. And when you see what this is, you'll probably forget everything else
I've said in this letter. Justin, put the letter away somewhere safe and then go enjoy the other gift in this
box, like any other kid would. You have time before you start a family --- time to be a young man, time to
have fun, time to live. Just don't forget your old grandpa. Oh, and this one has a lot more bells and
whistles then the ones your dad and I got, but I figured you had to wait longer for it so it should be fully
loaded."

Brian moved behind Justin and put his arms around him. "You okay?"

Justin just nodded not trusting himself to speak yet.

"Your grandfather sounds like someone very special. He loves you very much."

Justin just nodded again.

The "Come here Baby," that Brian whispered into his ear was all the invitation Justin needed. He turned
around in Brian's embrace and buried himself into the comfort of Brian's love and strength. Brian moved
a bit to lean against the couch to support his back and Justin's weight. He held Justin for a long time. The
younger man didn't make any sounds but Brian could tell he was still crying. After a while he felt Justin
calm, and then heard an occasional sniffle. He just held him and waited.

Justin finally pulled away a bit. "Sorry."

"It's okay, that was one impressive letter and gift."

"It means the world to me. The letter was the best gift I got besides yours."

Brian smiled. "Happy with just the words again. Well, maybe we should send Grandpa's gift back, or
better yet, you can give it to me."

"No!" Justin laughed. He sounded a bit nasally but Brian saw the sparkle in his red eyes return.
"Whatever it is it's got to be good. Small but good." Justin looked at the small box in his hand. He moved
to sit beside Brian but under the shelter of his arm. Brian watched as the blond started to unwrap the box
that was the size of a cuff link or pin box. Brian had the other part of the gift on the floor where he had set
it down when Justin needed him. He picked it up but kept it out of sight and waited. He figured he knew
what was in the box.

Justin listed the lid and pulled a patch of cotton padding out. Sitting on piece of cotton that was placed in
the bottom of the box was a key. Justin looked confused. He picked up the key and looked at it. He lifted
the cotton padding in the bottom of the box but there was nothing under it. "I don't get it."

"Maybe you need to look in the bigger box."

Justin looked around and reached for the box. He pulled out the tissue and there was nothing there. He
shook his head. "I don't ...I don't understand." He looked at Brian confused.

Brian decided to take pity on him. "Here, this fell out when you flung the box aside earlier. Justin started
to reach for what Brian had in his hand. Brian held it away. "Ah, ah, not so fast."

"What?" Justin tried to reach for it again.

"Your grandfather has to adopt me."

"What?"

Brian handed him the papers he had in his hand. He watched Justin's face go from confusion to discovery
to pure joy as he realized what he grandfather gave him.

"An SUV Brian, he gave me an SUV. Look, look, it's a Ford Escape. Fuck! Look Brian, my own car.
Look at this, it's got a CD player in it." Justin paused as he read the information. "It's black and an
automatic." He stopped and looked at Brian. "Grandpa knows I would still have a problem with a
manual." Justin shook his head. "I can't believe this! No wonder Mom was having a fit. I thought it was
just a trip. I can finally stop leaving my bigger art projects at work. I can lug the stuff I need now. It was
really going to start being a problem. This semester they gave me extra space because I was still having
problems. Everyone else had to keep bringing their stuff but they had a way of getting it there. Once I
moved out I knew I wouldn't get the car or have Mom to cart me around a much...Look Brian!" He held
the picture closely up to Brian's face. "My own wheels!"

Brian laughed. "I can see it Justin." He pushed the picture down. "Justin he does love you very much, and
he certainly knows you well." The two of them started to look through the brochure.

"Brian?"

"Hmmm?"

"There's more room in my backseat then yours. The seat folds down too."

"So?" Justin just smiled at him in reply. He recognized the sly grin. "Not until warm weather Justin. We
have to think of your health."

"How about the front seat? That can be arranged after we pick it up." Justin looked at the picture of the
front seat. "Looks like there is plenty of leg room for you."

"What?"

"Well, I'll be able to drive now so we can switch off. We are still going to Babylon together, it's one of the
ways I keep track of you."

Brian jaw dropped. "Justin, I drive when we go somewhere."

"Okay, I'll get you a set of keys.You can drive but we take my car now and then."

Brian nodded knowing he was slowly learning the art of compromise. At least he was still behind the
wheel.

"And maybe you can give me a copy of the keys to the jeep too?"

Brian smiled slowly. "The answer to that would be no if I didn't already know who somehow managed to
get a copy made."

Justin laughed but blushed. "It was just for emergencies."

"Yours or mine?"

Justin tried but couldn't look innocent. He just shrugged and went back to admiring his new toy. "Brian,
what about insurance?"

"No! No! No! You are not going on my policy. I draw the line at my insurance rates. I'll feed you, clothe
you and fuck you, but you are not putting me back in the risk pool pricing. That was the only good thing
about turning 30, my insurance company lowered my rates."

Justin laughed. "Okay, we can mix body fluids but not insurance. Got it. Actually. I was wondering how
much it costs, do you have any idea?"

"It's expensive Justin, but..." Brian looked at the forms and other papers. "The SUV's been licensed
already so it's insured. You grandfather either put you on his policy or your mother's. Unless he put it in
you name." Brian looked at the papers again. "The title is in your name."

"Grandpa must have done it. He knows all about insurance. He use to own an insurance company until he
retired."

Brian looked at Justin. "Your grandfather was Taylor Insurance of Pittsburg?"

Justin just nodded. "I guess."

"Fuck Justin, that company was so large it almost went public. I remember doing a report on it in a
college business course on local successful businesses."

Justin just shrugged. "It's just what Grandpa did, he sold insurance."

"Just sold insurance? Justin do you have any idea how well known your grandfather is in business
circles."

"Brian, he was just always Grandpa."

"I remember the report I did Justin, you were probably the grandson he was talking about in an interview
he gave a year or two before he sold the business. Are you the only grandson?"

Justin nodded. "Aunt Karen has four girls."

Brian grimaced. "Anyway, your grandfather said he didn't like all the trappings of success and didn't want
his grandson getting caught up in the business world like his son had, nor was he going to grow up
without a work ethic like he had seen some of the youth of successful families."

"Grandpa said that? No wonder he laughed when I said I was waiting tables. He told me there was
nothing wrong in honest, hard work but make sure I saw my mom at least twice a week."

Brian shook his head, "I remember that clearly because I couldn't believe someone that successful was
putting a child before his own ambitions and wanted the child to work. I bet your dad was pissed. He
didn't get to take over the company."

"Dad always said he wasn't going to go door to door selling insurance like his father. Dad didn't want the
business. I just always figured Grandpa wanted dad to go door to door with him and when he wouldn't he
sold the business. Guess I was wrong. When I was younger Grandpa used to be around a lot more. He and
Dad did get along, but Grandpa use to take me places all the time like the planetarium and zoo. I guess I
know why now. He use to support Mom over Dad about my art. But later Grandmother died and he
moved. "

"What did your other grandfather do? You said he hated it when Grandpa Dan did something first."

"He's retired too. Has been since I can remember."

"What did he do Justin?"

Justin shrugged, "All I remember was Dad went to work for him first and then moved to the company he's
with now. There was some merger and Dad took over for Granddad as part of it and he retired."

Brian shook his head in wonder; it explained so much. Justin's parents were comfortable with money but
didn't reek of it. Craig did have an arrogance about him. He never seemed concerned that he totaled a
Cadillac without an accident report. He probably just wrote off the expense. And Justin had never
mentioned his mother being concerned about support payments and legal fees. Jennifer was concerned
that Justin couldn't earn a living as an artist. He realized they were teaching their children the same work
ethic they were taught, regardless of the money that must be in both families. Too bad Craig fell down on
the job.

Justin looked around. "I guess that's it. We've opened them all. Time to clean up and cook breakfast.
Which do you want to do?"

Brian looked at him. "I'll clean, you cook."

Justin stood up and leaned over. Brian felt something soft hit his head. He pulled the shirt Emmett gave
him off his face. He turned to see Justin pull the shirt on and button it. "Jeans?" he asked Brian.

Brian nodded. Justin went up the stairs to change from his silk pajama bottoms to jeans. He came back
down and modeled for Brian. Brian looked down at the matching shirt. "The shit I do for you Justin." He
sighed and carried the shirt up to the bedroom to change.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Try the buzzer again Michael, he has to be here. The car is here."

Michael shook his head. "Brian's going to kill him when he finds out he spent the holiday in the loft."
There was still no answer to the buzzer.

"That's it! Use the code, there might be something wrong."

"Mom, we can't just barge in there, even if he has no business being here."

Michael looked over and saw Emmett and Ted coming around the corner of the building. "What are you
two doing here?"

"We were worried about Justin, I tried to call him at his house all night and there was no answer. I
convinced Ted to take me out there, but we thought we'd stop here first. Lindsay and Mel didn't know
where he was either. Lindsay thought maybe here. I take it you three had the same idea?"

Vic looked at Emmett's red fur coat and green leather belt. He wasn't sure how to react and settled for
telling them they spotted Jennifer's car in Brian's parking lot.

Michael looked at everyone. "Let's just call Brian's line, and tell Justin we are worried. He'll tell you all
he's fine and we can go back home and get back to our own Christmases."

Emmett shook his head. "Not until we know he's okay."

"He's fine. He's depressed over Brian, let him handle it his own way." Michael was frustrated in trying to
get them to leave Justin alone. The teen couldn't have made it any plainer.

"Use the code Michael, before Vic gets a chill and I hit you," his mother warned.

"Mom, lets just call."

Emmett looked at him. "Michael put in the code, he won't answer Brian's phone because he doesn't want
anyone to know he is there and he doesn't want to bother."

"What about his cell phone? I thought he had his mother's."

Debbie chewed her lip. "I've been trying it since 6 a.m. It's turned off. I don't want to call his mom until I
know he's okay. No point in alarming her."

Michael sighed. He had started to put in the code when a horn beeped. Melanie and Lindsay pulled up to
the curb. Michael hit his head against the wall. Justin was going to kill them all. He was young but he was
sly. Michael knew how depressed he was and that he just wanted to be alone. Why couldn't they all leave
him alone? Then again, this was Justin. Michael smiled and finished the code. Yeah, let them all yell at
him, it was time he learned not to wallow. Michael had learned.

They all went up in the elevator. The building was quiet but they could hear the faint sound of Christmas
music. Gus kept chanting "choochoo" all the way up. Melanie looked at Lindsay. "What is this about
choochoo trains?"

Lindsay let Gus down. "I don't know." They looked down and Gus was jumping up and down chanting
"choochoo."

The sound of music grew louder. Michael shook his head. "Brian is going to kill him. He's lucky the
neighbors haven't called the police."

"Michael there doesn't seem to be anyone else in this building." Vic grinned at him. "Must be like a play
land for him."

Michael grinned at Vic. "Yeah, until Brian gets back."

They all exited the elevator. Gus ran to the door and started yelling `Dada' and `choochoo.' His little fist
banged on the door. Lindsay looked mystified. "He wants into Dada's."

Michael unlocked the door. There was no way Justin was going to hear a knock over the volume level of
`Jingle Bell Rock.' He pushed the door open hoping Justin was at least clothed. Gus ran in before his
mothers could grab him, yelling `choochoo' over and over again. The adults started in and they all slowed
as they entered the loft. One by one they filed in looking around in surprise and wonder.

"My God! Did Justin do all this?" Debbie looked around.

"Wow, that Christmas Elf is good." Ted looked at the bows and lights.

Lindsay started after Gus and stopped. Gus was sitting close to the tree watching a train go around a small
village. She didn't go any further into the room because of the other occupants who had yet to notice they
had company. Justin and Brian were dancing to the song dressed in jeans and gaudy matching shirts. They
were barefoot, Brian had a Santa hat on and Justin had bells hanging from a red ribbon looped around his
neck.

Everyone joined Lindsay in watching the couple. The two men suddenly stopped dancing. At the same
time they had noticed they had company. Brian had seen Gus sitting by the tree and Justin saw the crowd
by the door. Brian muttered, "Gus?" and Justin "Debbie?" They looked at each other and then looked
where the other man had been looking.

"Brian, did you call them?"

"Don't be stupid. What did YOU do?"

"Nothing."

Brian sighed and reached for the remote and turned off the music. Gus looked up. "Dada!" He then
pointed, "Choochoo."

Brian smiled. "That's right Sonny Boy. Choochoo."

He turned to everyone else. "How did you get in here, better yet, why are you here?"

Michael looked at Brian in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here."

Michael paused. "You know that's not what I mean!"

Brian shrugged. "Change of plans."

"So you couldn't call?"

Brian looked at Michael and decided to ignore the question. "So what brings you all breaking and
entering on a quiet Christmas morning in Pittsburgh?"

"We were all worried about Justin. He wasn't answering his cell phone."

"My cell phone? It didn't ring."

"It's turned off."

"Turned off?" He looked at Brian.

"I must have done it after I talked to your mom. She knew to call you at this number."

Justin looked at Debbie. "I'm sorry Deb. I didn't know it was off. I didn't mean to worry you all."

Vic looked around. "That's okay, this was worth the trip."

"Brian," Lindsay looked around. "This is beautiful, can we look around?"

Brian nodded. Mel went over and looked at the tree and then sat down with Gus to play with the train.
Emmett walked over to Brian and Justin, and he ran his hand over the cuff of Justin's shirt. "I see you like
the presents."

Brian growled at Justin who started to laugh. "You are going to pay for this Justin." He then turned to
Emmett, "You mention this again and it'll be months before your voice lowers."

Emmett stepped back and dropped his hand to cover his balls. He took his other hand

and moved it across his mouth to show it was sealed.

Brian turned to Justin. "I'm going to change my shirt, please entertain our unexpected guests. And take the
smirk off your face Justin." Brian turned and ran up the stairs to the bedroom.

Justin gathered up coats and played host. He got everyone something to drink. There was plenty of food
so Justin put out cookies, muffins, fruit, bread, cracker and a variety of cheeses.

Brian and Justin's private Christmas morning turned into a pleasant brunch with family and friends.
Debbie intercepted him while Brian was gone.

"Sunshine, are you okay?"

"I'm great Deb."

"When did Brian get here?"

Justin smiled, "He never left Debbie."

Brian reached the top of the stairs; he had pulled on the beautiful sweater Justin had given him for
Christmas. He listened as Debbie interrogated Justin.

"What do you mean he never left? How did you find out he was here and why did he stay with you?"

"Well, Deb, the truth is Brian loves me to distraction. He just couldn't live without me and he wanted to
be with me on Christmas. He lied to everyone about his plans because he was going to work all week
because he thought I was going away. He came home on Christmas Eve night and hasn't been the same
man since. He told me he loved me, adored me and that I was never to leave the loft."

Silence reigned over the loft as Justin finished his speech to Debbie. The look of shock on everyone's face
was only overshadowed by the angry red color flaming Brian's face. He was going to kill Justin. They
would have the shortest relationship on record. He couldn't believe what Justin had shared with them.

Justin looked at the expression on the faces of the shocked people around. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

They all seemed to move at once, nodding and smiling at him. Michael looked at Justin suspiciously. "So
where was he then?"

"Poor Brian, he had to clean up a mess at work, and he missed his reservation. Then by the time he was
finished and could leave, the roads were in too bad of shape. In fact, he was too tired to risk driving so he
took a taxi home and left the car at work. And yes Michael, he was surprised and not happy to see me.
Luckily it was still snowing and I was allowed to stay."

"Well, that explains why his jeep isn't outside," Em concluded.

Brian made some noise as he started down the stairs. He wasn't sure if he was more annoyed for Justin
telling the truth or that his friends would rather believe he was a heartless shit than a man who loved
someone.

"Well, that explains Brian being here, and we all know why Justin is here, but what's with the winter
wonderland?" Ted asked innocently.

Brian scowled. Trust Ted to bring it up. Brian was about to tell him to fuck off but Justin answered.

"It was a bet. I bet Brian I could turn it into a Christmas scene in which we could have some...elfing good
fun. He bet I couldn't do it."

"Who won?" Michael asked quietly, still not really believing Justin's whole story. Brian and Justin both
answered, "He did," at the same time.

Vic laughed. "Right, like I believe that one. My guess is Gus won."

Brian smiled. Gus looked up at the sound of his voice, "Dada!" he yelled, "Choochoo!"

Lindsay walked up to Brian. "It's perfect Brian, just the right amount, beautiful colors, it makes the loft so
warm and cozy. It also explains why Gus has been yelling `choochoo' for two days."

Brian laughed. "Justin did it, and he insisted on the train."

"And did you have some elfing good fun?"

"Oh yeah."

Lindsay gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to join Gus and Mel by the tree.

After an hour everyone started leaving. By noon, Justin and Brian were once again alone.

Brian pulled Justin into his arms. "You need to call your mom again?"

"No, I'm keeping Grandpa's gifts and that's all there is to it."

"When are they all coming home?"

"Friday."

"Good, I think I'll go back to work that day." Brian started to slowly dance to the Christmas song that was
playing.

"My aunt wants to meet you, she likes the sound of your voice."

"Mmmm, I'd rather meet your Grandpa Danny."

"You will, he and Lil be here on Monday."

"Fucking holidays. All this good cheer and relatives coming out of the woodwork. So you are all mine
until Friday."

"Yes."

"Justin?"

"Yes."

"Santa wants to see his elf again."

Justin smiled and started to pull out of his arms. "I can arrange that. My costume is still here." Justin
headed for the bedroom.

"Justin?"

Justin stopped and tuned, "What?"

Brian tossed Justin the leather jingle bells. The bells jingled as they sailed across the room and deftly
landed in Justin's hand. "Don't forget to decorate my gift! You know how I like unwrapping it."

Justin gave Brian a wide smile. "Come on Santa Baby, it's time to come down the chimney with care."

Brian laughed and ran up the stairs after Justin to find his Santa's cap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Brian?" Justin breathed the name out with a moan.

Brian's tongue was slowly teasing Justin's puckered opening.

"What?"

"I have, oohh, a question." Justin body trembled with feeling.

"Later." Brian opened the lube and squirted some on to his fingers. He pressed into Justin, stretching his
entrance. He heard Justin mumble something but ignored it. He quickly put on a condom. He surged
forward grabbing Justin's ankles and pushing them forwards so he could get them into their favorite
position. Brian was quickly looking down into Justin's eyes, the younger man's calves resting on his
shoulders. He gently kissed Justin. The younger man fought to reach his lips when he pulled back. Brian
could feel one of Justin's hands holding on to the back of his thigh. They begin to kiss again and Brian
began to line his cock against Justin's hole. Justin pulled his mouth away and gasped.

"Brian?"

"What!!"

"Please!"

"Do I get to shove the worst hard-on I have had in days into that hot, tight hole of yours if I don't
answer?"

Justin smiled, "Of course, I`d never deny you that." To prove his point he pushed one arm between them
and he reached down and took Brian's cock in his hand and helped guide it to his opening.

Brian pushed slowly, trapping Justin's arm. Brian listened to Justin's sounds of pleasure, and then shifted
his weight so Justin could pull his arm loose. Brian pulled out and pushed in again, his forehead dropping
to the pillow beside Justin's. "Okay," he replied.

Justin turned his head, trying to reach Brian's mouth for a kiss. "Okay?"

Brian looked into Justin's dazed and dilated eyes, he smiled, thinking he could ignore Justin's request.
Justin looked like he had forgotten what he was carrying on about. Brian then looked at the sweat-covered
face of his lover, the flushed face and red swollen lips. Brian saw there was a hint of that shit-eating grin
there, just hovering out of sight. He knew Justin hadn't forgotten. "You little shit!"

Justin laughed but was suddenly moaning as Brian began to move in earnest. Brian kept up a steady pace,
varying it at times by changing the movement of his withdrawal and entry, trying to hit Justin's prostate
over and over. He could tell Justin was starting to lose control from his almost frantic movements,
feverish kissing and caressing. Brian decided it was time to get some things settled. He slowed his
movements until he stopped.

Justin groaned, slowly becoming more aware of Brian's stillness. "What? Are you okay?"

"I just thought we should have a talk."

"Now!?" Justin shouted.

"You do it all the time. It's a bad habit of yours, I think I've caught it."

Justin arms moved and he reached forward and tried to pull Brian down to his lips by encircling his neck.

"Brian!"

"The answer is yes you can."

"That's nice, Brian, now finish what you were doing."

"Don't like being horny and having to stop and talk do you?"

"Brian!" Justin whined, "Please!"

"Okay, but this should teach you not to try and get me to agree to stuff when we are fucking."

"Making love," Justin corrected.

"Whatever..." Brian stated to move again.

Justin smiled at both his little victory and the resumption of Brian's movement in his ass.

Brian kissed him deeply. Justin squeezed his lower muscles, and heard Brian's own groan. He stopped the
kiss and moved so his mouth was next to Brian's ear. "Thank you."

"Yeah..." Brian moved with more force, "but I want.... all the Christmas shit... gone... by New Year's... for
sure."

"I promise," Justin replied just before he pushed his tongue into Brian's mouth and aggressively began to
move with Brian.

Brian felt Justin's body start to convulse as he felt hot semen splash between their bodies. He pulled away
from Justin and watched as expressions of astonishment and then ecstasy appeared on the young man's
face. No matter how many times they have been in that exact moment, Justin always looked surprised
when he came, almost as if it he didn't expect it to happen. Brian's attention was drawn away from Justin's
face as his lover's rectal muscles contracted around his cock. He began to move sharply, resuming his
movements and coming very quickly after Justin. He had a surprised look on his face as well.

Brian lay still holding Justin closely to him, they had just settled down in a sleeping position.

"Brian?"

"Now what do you want? I'm letting you keep the crap for a few more days, aren't I?" He felt Justin shake
with laughter.

"I just wanted to thank you for the best Christmas Day I've ever had."

"You're welcome."

"Brian?" Justin felt the older man sigh.

"Aren't you tired? Go to sleep."

"Brian!"

"What?"

Justin was suddenly very shy about his question. "Never mind it wasn't important."

Brian gave him a shake. "Come on, what is it?"

"Well, I just wondered...was it a good Christmas Day for you?"

Brian lay still a moment, and then he pulled Justin into a tighter embrace and dropped a kiss on to the top
of Justin's head. "Go to sleep Justin."

Justin quietly nodded, but Brian couldn't see the smile on his face. Justin translated the embrace, the kiss
and the comment into `Brian speak,' Justin's term for Brian's unspoken thoughts and body language.
Justin figured it translated into Brian saying it had been a very good day for him too. Justin took a deep
breath and exhaled slowly.

Brian felt Justin relax and slowly drift off. He didn't know how he knew but Brian was sure the man he
held somehow knew from what he said that this too had been his best Christmas ever. Brian shook his
head and closed his eyes thinking, `fucking relationships ...fucking holidays..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 26, 2001

Brian entered the loft and kicked off his boots and then hung up his coat. Michael had picked him up two
hours ago. They had had lunch and then Michael had dropped him off at his office so he could pick up his
jeep. He came into the living room to see Justin standing with the phone in his hand. His face was pale.
The younger man hadn't moved when he came into the room and was still staring at the phone

"Justin? What's wrong?"

He looked up at Brian. He whispered, `They're here."

Brian frowned, trying to make out what Justin said. "They're here? Who?"

"Them!" Justin's voice grew loud, almost panicked.

Brian looked around the loft. "Them who?"

"All of them, THEY ARE HERE!"

"Here?" Brian pointed at the floor of the loft.

"HERE!" Justin shouted, his arms making a wide sweeping movement. "HERE!" Justin made more
sweeping motions of his arms. "PITTSBURGH! HOME!"

Brian tried to reach out for the phone before it went flying from Justin's hand. He grabbed it on one of the
swings. "Who Justin? Who is here?"

Justin stopped moving suddenly, his eyes were wide open and seemed dilated to Brian. Brian was afraid
Justin was about to have a panic attack like the ones he had right after the bashing. He briefly wondered if
he had a paper bag in the loft in case he began to hyperventilate. Justin was quiet, too quiet. Brian began
to worry that there was something physically wrong. His memory was all too vivid about Justin's
moments of confusion and panic, they just couldn't be happening again. Brian stepped closer and laid a
hand on his arm. "Justin?"

Justin was still and then suddenly was in frenetic motion, walking away and then towards Brian. He
finally began to speak. "They are all here Brian. What am I going to do?"

"Who Justin?"

"Mommy, Molly, Aunt Maureen, Uncle Paul..." Justin walked toward the window, "Grandmom and
Granddad Ellis, Ross, Jamie and Jan..." Justin turned and walked back toward the couch. "Dad, Aunt
Karen, Emily, Julie, Maggie and Susan, Uncle Roger. They are all here." He seemed to try to take a
breath and not be able to, "an..and Grandpa is here too! He wants to come over..." He looked at Brian
with a wild look on his face. "What are we going to do? They are here!! They want us to come over...not
Dad... he went home, same with Aunt Karen, but the rest they want to come over if we can't go over.
Brian! Brian, are you listening?" Justin had walked up and stood in front of him.

Brian's mind had turned foggy and he felt his stomach do a somersault. Between Justin's own panic and
his own absolute disgust with the thought of meeting Justin's family he was slightly in shock. It was
Justin's silence that snapped him out of it. He looked into Justin's face. There was a red tinge to it now
and beads of sweat were forming over his lip.

"Let me get this straight. They flew home today not in 3 days like you thought?"

"This morning, 6 a.m. flight."

"All of them?"

"Everyone, even the little kids."

"Those all the Jan and Julie names?"

Justin nodded. "Aunt Karen's four and Aunt Maureen's three."

"But they don't want to meet me?" Brian looked at Justin hopefully and pleadingly.

Justin shook his head no. "Everyone went to my Aunt Karen's family except Aunt Maureen's family.
Mom just has room for Aunt Maureen, Uncle Paul and Grandpa Danny. The girls are in with Molly but
Ross is staying in my fucking room! I am not staying there! They want to meet you."

"I am not going to your house and they are not coming here!"

"I know!" Justin collapsed on the couch. "Grandmom and Aunt Maureen want to meet everyone. Grandpa
Danny decided to come early, Lil is joining on Monday. He wants to come over this afternoon and talk
privately."

Brian tried to figure this all out. He was supposed to have Justin to himself until Friday. He wasn't even
going to go to work until then. "I have to go to work tomorrow."

"But tomorrow is only Thursday. It was just the two of us until Friday." Justin was looking without focus
across the room. "There's a party at on Saturday. Mom's already invited everyone."

"Everyone? You have to stop saying that!" Brian sat down next to him.

"Deb, Vic, the guys, Lindsay, Mel and you."

"Oh no, Justin. I don't do visits to meet the relatives. That was never part of this."

"I know, I know," Justin agreed sadly. "I'll get around that. Emergency at work or your family. Everyone
who doesn't know you will buy it. Will you at least meet Grandpa Taylor?"

Brian made a face at Justin over the `Everyone who knew him wouldn't believe it' comment. He frowned
when thinking of meeting Danny Taylor. He always wanted to meet the man who walked away from one
of the most successful businesses in Pittsburgh. "I'll think about it."

"Fuck, you better leave. He's taking a taxi over here to pick up Mom's car."

"Leave --- my own home?" Brian looked at Justin in shock.

"What?" Justin still seemed a bit dazed.

"Justin, this is my house. Go wait outside for him."

Justin just nodded and walked towards the door. He opened it and went out still in his bare feet. Brian
shook his head and than ran a hand over his face. He waited to see if Justin came back in. When he didn't,
Brian walked out of the loft to check on him.

Justin was standing by the elevator talking with an older gentleman, who was slightly taller than he was.
Brian watched from the doorway as the man suddenly pulled Justin into a tight hug and held him for a
long time. The man finally let go and stepped away to take a look at Justin. The man said something
Brian couldn't hear and then he ruffled Justin's hair. He paused when he saw the scar on Justin's forehead,
and then Justin was suddenly enfolded in a hug again. The man looked over Justin's shoulder and saw

Brian. There was no mistaking the resemblance to Craig Taylor, but he was looking at Brian with blue
eyes exactly like Justin's. Grandpa Danny had arrived.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin was in shock when he went out the door. He had pushed the button to get the elevator to come to
the top floor. All he could think was that he needed to protect his life with Brian. It was all too new, and
just his family's request to meet Brian could destroy it all. He had hoped that Brian might meet him half
way but it was pretty obvious he wasn't going too. His feet felt cold. Just as the elevator arrived he looked
down and noticed his feet were bare. He didn't notice the gate went up on its own. He looked up into the
face of his father in 25 years. His grandpa was shorter than his father but they looked just like each other,
and Justin knew in fifty years he might look a lot like the man in front of him.

"Grandpa?"

"Justin!"

"You're here already?"

He nodded. "I thought I'd better come before your boyfriend could escape. I bet he's a bit skittish about
meeting your family."

"How did you know?"

"In his place I`d feel the same way."

"Grandpa you would never be in the same place."

"It's all relative Justin, all relative."

Justin looked at the man who had been his friend, co-conspirator and champion when he was younger.
"I've missed you Grandpa."

In answer, his grandfather pulled him into a hug. "I missed you too Justin."

Daniel Taylor held on to his grandson. It was the first time he had seen him in over two years. He had
grown a bit. He could feel the maturity and strength of the young man who hugged him back. He held him
for a long time thanking God he had the chance to. He pulled away to get a better look at him.

"You've grown more handsome, you are finally starting to look more like me."

Justin just smiled, speechless once again.

Daniel noticed Justin still had the blond hair that all the Taylor men had, but it had stayed lighter,
probably because his mother was a blond too. He ruffled his hair. Justin always hated that, even as a small
child. He stopped when he saw the scar on his forehead. He felt a lump grow in his throat and he pulled
Justin back into a hug.

Daniel's eyes took in the background as he held Justin, and he saw a movement by the door and realized
they were being watched by the infamous Brian Kinney. So the older man was here after all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian didn't move fast enough and he knew the older man had seen him. He was frozen in place by the
gaze of the man looking at him. Why did he suddenly feel like a thief --- a cradle robber? He returned the
gaze with his most indifferent stare. He knew one thing immediately, unlike all the other men he had met
in business, and unlike Craig Taylor, he wanted this man's respect. Brian didn't do what he instinctually
would have done before --- walk away. Instead, he stood there and waited to be introduced. He noticed
that Daniel Taylor released Justin but kept looking at him. He acknowledged Brian with a slight bow of
the head. Brian realized this was a man used to being a leader, and commanding rather than demanding

respect of the people around him. He also seemed to have a disposition very similar to Justin. Maybe it
was because they were just close in stature, and there was no mistaking that Justin was a close relation to
the older man. If Justin grew to have half the strength of character and personality his grandfather had, he
would be a force to be reckoned with. `Fuck,' Brian thought, `he already is. I should have seen it sooner.
Justin chose the world of art, but the business world would probably have been his to own.' Justin's ability
to make decisions and stick with them was only a small sign of his emotional and intellectual strength. He
was obviously his grandfather's heir in all ways that mattered.

As Justin stepped away from his grandfather he looked over to see what had caught his attention. Brian
was standing in the doorway. "Grandpa, wait here, I'll be right out. I need to clean the snow off the car so
you can drive it." Justin looked at Brian and then back at his grandfather. They were staring at each other.
Justin frowned. "Grandpa, I'll only be a minute." He started to walk over to the loft entrance.

"Justin?"

The teen stopped and closed his eyes, but didn't turn around. "Yes Grandpa?"

"Aren't you going to introduce me, surely you haven't forgotten your manners?"

Brian broke his stare and turned to look at Justin. "He usually has more manners then this. He just must
be surprised to see you."

Brian stepped forward and put out his hand to Daniel Taylor. "Brian Kinney, Sir."

Justin turned in surprise. He watched his grandfather step forward and meet Brian's handshake without
hesitation. "Daniel Taylor, it's a pleasure young man."

Justin's jaw dropped. Brian withdrew his hand and made a welcoming motion towards the loft doorway.
"Would you like to come in?" Brian looked at Justin and smirked. "Your grandson is a little
overwhelmed, he just found out that not only were you here, but apparently his mother's entire family
arrived this morning." The two men walked towards Justin. Brian reached out and put a finger under
Justin's chin and pushed it up. "Coming?"

Justin simply nodded and followed the two men inside. He closed the loft door and looked at the two
men. His grandfather was looking around the loft. He shook his head. "I remember this area when the
only reason buildings were insured was so they could be burned down and fraud committed against the
insurance companies. If this is an example to the changes down here I'm thrilled for the city." He walked
around the loft's living room and over at the tree. He saw the train and laughed. He pointed to the train.
"Justin do that?"

Brian nodded. "He insisted."

Daniel looked at his grandson. "Still pissed at Walt I take it?"

Justin felt his ear's burn. "Grandpa!"

Brian knew his was going to like Daniel Taylor --- a lot.

Daniel laughed. "So Justin, what did you think of the gift?"

Brian turned to look at Justin wondering if he would tell his grandfather. He watched as Justin gave his
grandfather a huge smile.

"I loved it Grandpa. It was one of the best things I ever got for Christmas."

"Not THE best?" His grandfather asked as he looked directly into Justin's eyes.

"I liked your other gift better Grandpa, and I may only be eighteen and totally in love with the SUV but
I'll never forget the letter Grandpa, never."

Daniel looked at him for a moment and nodded. He then turned to Brian. "I understand you are in
advertising --- Ryder's agency?"

Brian's eyebrows disappeared into his bangs. "You've heard of it?"

Daniel nodded. He turned to Justin. "Are you going to clean off the car for me?"

"Yes."

His grandfather watched him as he stood there. "Now?"

"Now? I thought maybe you'd like to go down with me."

"I'm sure I'll be fine up here where it's warm. These old bones just aren't the way they used to be."

Justin looked at Brian, unsure of whether to leave. Brian just shrugged. "It'll only take a minute. Umm
Brian, do you mind..."

"Justin put some warm clothes on and go clean off the car. I'm sure Brian is about to offer me a cup of
coffee. Aren't you?" Daniel looked at Brian.

Brian lips twisted as he tried not to smile. He decided this is whom Justin had to get his balls from. "Of
course, I was just about to ask. Justin, go do what you need to do."

Justin walked over and shoved his bare feet down into his sneakers. He grabbed his coat. "I'll be right
back. Don't..." The two men looked at him. "Ahh, never mind. I won't be long." Justin ran out the door.

Brian walked over to start making coffee.

Daniel followed him over and took a seat at the breakfast bar. "The way my grandson ran out of here
without socks or gloves you would think he was nervous about leaving us alone together. What do you
think he thinks will happen?"

Brian shrugged. "You never know with Justin, but since we are just going to have coffee and discuss the
weather he doesn't need to worry does he?"

Daniel nodded. "Speaking of the weather, is this May-December thing between you two a mid-life crisis
fling or are you serious about my grandson?"

Brian paused as the poured the water into the coffee maker. "First of all, hardly May-December. More
like May-July and hardly midlife. And not that it's any of your business, but Justin and I have been,"
Brian paused as he flipped the switch and tried to think of a way of answering the question, "seeing each
other for over a year."

"Yes, but are you serious or are his mother's fears valid?"

Brian looked Daniel directly in the face. "I'm as serious about Justin as I am about most important things
in my life. I haven't made his choices, and I won't in the future. He's here because this is where he wants
to be, and I want him to be here. For now, we want the same thing and neither of us plan on that
changing. All I can say about the future is he will make his decisions, and I will make mine. But we will
try to avoid hurting each other."

"Fair enough." Daniel took the empty cup Brian offered him. "I actually think you've been good for him,
and to him. But I have no illusions about you Brian."

"None?", "What do you mean?"

"You'd be surprised at what I know about you."

Brian was unnerved for a moment. "What?"

"You didn't think I wouldn't check you out, did you?"

"Actually, no I didn't. I had no idea you even existed until Christmas Day. I only knew your son. He is
rather unforgettable."

"Yes, I'm sorry about Craig. I only recently learned everything he has been up

to. I may understand his anger but I could never condone his actions. They were incomprehensible
towards Justin and reprehensible towards you. The most I can do is apologize for the idiot."

"Justin misses him," Brian said quietly.

"I know but Craig has problems that may take years to work out. Justin will have to settle for me."

"I don't think he'll mind."

"He loves me and I love my grandson very much."

"Did you really give it all up after he was born?"

"After a couple years, yes. I still kept my consulting firm, had to keep the brain active. But after my father
died and I realized I hadn't watched Craig grow up as closely as I should have I decided not to miss my
grandchildren. Justin was the first, I have 5 others --- all girls."

Brian watched as the coffee started to drip into the pot. "Won't be long know. Sugar and cream?"

"Both please."

Brian turned to the refrigerator and then paused. "Three sugars and very light?"

Daniel looked up surprised. "Yes, how did you know?"

Brian laughed. "Justin."

Daniel smiled. "He always fixed my coffee for me when he was younger. I use to let him sip it when his
mother wasn't looking."

Brian set the milk down and reached for cups. He looked over the counter at Daniel,

and his tone suddenly changed. "So where have you been?"

Daniel looked him in the eyes. "What they say about you is very accurate."

"And what is that?" Brian voice's was edgy.

"Well, clients think you are sincere, polite, very responsive and extremely gifted. Your colleagues think
you are brutally honest, naturally aggressive, and above all, extremely talented. You won't take crap and
are unapologetic, but you deliver the goods every time. A rare find in the business world, well suited for
advertising I would think. What did Ryder say to me? `He's a good blend of creative idealism and hard-
nosed business sense.'"

Brian's frown grew. "You talked to Ryder?"

Daniel laughed. "Sure, I knew his dad, I used to handle his account." He looked more closely at the
younger man. "Ryder thinks very highly of you. He DOES think you're a shit personally but realizes your
importance to his company. He thought I was out headhunting for my consultant firm. You might be
pleased to know he was not happy at the thought of you leaving. You may want to use that as leverage in
your next contract negotiation. He didn't make the connection to Justin at all."

Brian was nonplussed. But he was also pleased at the thought of how much ass kissing he'd receive from
Ryder when he got back to work. He picked up the coffee pot and poured coffee into the two cups. He
wasn't sure how to react. Just then the door slammed opened and was quickly slammed closed. Brian
heard two dull thunks and then Justin came running around the corner barefoot.

"All done, Grandpa."

The two men in the kitchen looked at Justin. His face was red, and his nose looked like it was running.
His hands were bright pink and obviously chapped by the cold and snow. His feet were bare but there was
caked snow hanging off the bottoms of his sweat pants. He was starting to drip on the floor.

Brian exploded. "For fuck's sake Justin! What the hell did you do?"

Justin looked down. "I'll mop it up."

Brian counted to five. "Get into the bathroom now Justin, you need to get warmed up."

"But, but..."

"Go!"

Justin looked at his Grandfather. "Don't look at me! I agree with him."

Justin sighed as he started for the bathroom. Brian followed him with his eyes. "I'll be right back."

Brian went up the stairs to the bedroom. Daniel turned and decided to watch the show.

He heard water turn on.

"Justin don't use hot water, use warm. You won't feel it and you'll burn yourself."

"I know that!"

"Really? Then you should have known going out in freezing weather without socks, hat and gloves to
play in the snow wasn't to smart."

"Oww."

"That will teach you."

Daniel wondered what happened. Brian's voice seemed to be getting closer and Daniel realized he was
coming out of the bathroom.

"Put the clothes on I left on the counter and make sure you clean up before you get out of there." Brian
stopped and cocked his head. "I heard that Justin." He listened again and shook his head. He looked up to
see Daniel watching him. Brian shrugged, "Just when his mother thought he was smart enough to be let
out on his own."

"Parenting doesn't end until the day you die. You'll learn, I understand you have a son of your own."

Brian bit his lower lip. Daniel Taylor knew way too much about him. Justin's stalking abilities must have
come from him too. Brian tried to recover his air of charming disinterest but he didn't think it would work
with Justin's grandfather anymore than it worked with the grandson. Brian was silent as he returned to the
counter.

Daniel stirred his coffee and waited until Brian sat down. "I think we both know why Justin ran out of
here like that."

"Yes, but he has to be more careful about his health."

"He's eighteen, we will make sure he sees nineteen."

"You didn't answer my question. Where have you been?"

Daniel sighed and ser his cup down. "I blew it. After my wife died I had a lot of time on my hands. I
became a bit more active in business again, and then I met Lil. Craig wasn't too happy with that. Things
were a bit bumpy for us. Still, I thought he was being a good dad, he spent time with Justin, I could see he
loved him very much, he doted on Molly. I thought Craig got it right, so I decided to let go. I married Lil
and we decided to move to New York for a while to be near her children, they were younger. Lil knew I
wanted to eventually settle back here near my family."

"So are you back?"

"Yes."

"But where have you been for the last year and half?"

"I didn't know. I didn't know Justin burst out of the closet, his parent's never told me and Justin never
mentioned it. Craig was keeping a lid on it all. It wasn't until after the bashing and I got a letter from
Karen while in Europe that I found out. I didn't know Justin wasn't living at home or that his parents were
even considering a divorce. I got caught not paying attention again. I should have known something was
wrong when I stopped getting calls from Justin. I knew he was having a tough time, I saw it coming but
when everyone kept saying everything was great I thought maybe I was wrong."

"Wrong about what?"

Daniel smiled and took a sip of coffee. "You know what."

"How did you know if his parents didn't?"

"Oh, I think Jen was suspicious but she was putting it down to his artistic side."

"How did you know?" Brian persisted.

"I'm old, not stupid. You don't think I haven't known gay men over the years?"

Brian gave him a look.

"I spent a lot of time with my grandson as he was growing up. He asked me things that he didn't ask his
dad. I took him to museums and the zoo but we also went to baseball games and other places. He hated
football, but he liked baseball. He used to ask questions though about how he should feel about boys and
girls, things like that. He probably doesn't even remember but I do. He reminded me a lot of one of my
cousin when we were growing up."

"Was your cousin gay?"

"I suppose, I don't really know for sure. He ran away from home when he was sixteen and I never heard
from him again."

"You know about Justin's little escapade in running away?"

Daniel started laughing. "His mother told me, only Justin would end up in a luxury hotel."

Brian paused, a sudden suspicion growing in his mind, "Exactly how far away from New York City are
you?"

Daniel just laughed harder.

"That little shit."

"Would it make you feel better if I told you I was away?"

"Did he have a key?"

Daniel laughed again.

"The little fuck."

Daniel picked up his cup and grew serious. "Brian, thank you for going after him. I'm not totally sure
Justin would have come to me if things got bad in NY. He hadn't made any attempt when his father let
him leave. He probably thought I would do the same thing."

Brian shook his head. "He wasn't thinking to clearly but he seemed more interested in being found than
loosing himself in the New York City scene."

"True, he left you a road map."

"An expensive one."

"I hear he worked at a diner to pay you back."

"He did. And he kept the job."

"He's a good man Brian. Don't hurt him."

"I'll try not to but that's a two way street."

"Yes but Justin is a good bet."

"And you'll be here for him."

"Yes, and you. Brian I have a good idea about how you operate. Don't think that will work on Justin."

"I already know it won't work on him."

"So you are going to try?"

Brian just nodded. He heard a noise and saw Justin stumbling down the stairs. He was dressed in warm
clothes and had socks on. He was toweling his hair. He looked up unsure of what was happening.

Brian walked around the counter and fixed him a cup of coffee. Three sugars, very light. "Here, sit down
and talk to your Grandfather, I need to mop the floor."

"I can do that." Justin coughed a bit as he said it.

"Sit."

Justin took a seat next to his grandfather. He set the car keys down next to him. "Sorry I had these with
me."

"That's okay I wanted to stay and chat with Brian."

"And?" Justin asked with apprehension.

Daniel reached out and took his grandson's hand. "Brian and I understand each

other's position. I actually like him. Now, young man I want to spend some time alone with you. How
about tomorrow I pick you up and we go and claim your present? And then we will have lunch and spend
the afternoon together. Maybe you can even take me to the diner you work at. You have a lot of
explaining to do. And I have a lot I want to tell you."

Justin looked at Brian as he returned to the kitchen with wet paper towels. "Don't look at me, I'm going to
work tomorrow."

Justin smiled because he knew Brian had planned to stay home with him. "That would be great Grandpa."

"Now, I hear there is going to be a big get together at your mom's. They wanted to come here but they
couldn't very well invite themselves." He looked over at Brian. "Of course, it might make your family feel
better if they could see where you spend a lot of your time. It wouldn't hurt if your new friends met your
family in a setting they would be more comfortable with rather than your mom's or a restaurant." Daniel
let his gaze drift off Brian and around the loft. He shook his head. "Yes, this might be a better place, and
it's decorated beautifully, it should relax everyone. I can arrange for a caterer so no one would have to do
a thing. And that train will make Walt green with envy."

Justin listened to his grandfather and alarms were going off in his head. Brian was going to go ballistic
any minute. "Grandpa, I don't think..."

"You know Justin, this place has a sense of you about it, did you do the decorations?"

"I picked them out but Brian..."

"I thought so, I can tell you did it." Daniel looked at Brian, "My grandson is quite talented isn't he? His
family should see this, don't you agree Brian?"

"Grandpa..." Justin's voice had a plea in it.

Brian couldn't believe it. Daniel Taylor had just commandeered his home for a party. "Mmmm, yes Justin
is quite talented, I'm beginning to see where he gets it from."

Daniel smiled, "It skips a generation."

Justin kept looking from his Grandfather and then to Brian and then back again. He missed something,
something big. Brian just agreed to let his family come here.

Daniel looked at his watch, "Justin, I need to get going, I promised to bring your mother's car back and
I'm having dinner at your Aunt Karen's, heaven help me." He stood up and gave the surprised young man
a hug. "I'll call in the morning. Oh, your mother said, `Tell him to turn the damn cell phone on.' So
consider that message delivered."

Brian remembered his manners unlike a speechless Justin. He walked Daniel to the door. Daniel turned to
him. "I'll set everything up and the party will start at about 3:00 on Saturday. I understand everyone has
already been invited and is coming. I, of course, would understand if an emergency happened at the
office, but I hope you will still manage to put in a brief appearance, especially since it's in your home."
Daniel extended his hand to Brian.

Brian reached and shook his hand without thought. He watched the man take the stairs down in very spry
movements. There was nothing wrong with his old bones. Brian realized he had just been bull-dozed by
one of the best. The man would have owned Pittsburgh if he had stayed in business. Brian was in very
deep shit. There were two of them now, a younger and an older version. He turned around and saw Justin
peeking around the corner at him with a worried expression. At least this one was still trainable. "Justin?
About your little trip to New York City last year."

Justin's eyes widened and he disappeared from sight.

"Oh no you don't." Brian gave chase.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 28, 2001

Brian walked around Babylon checking out the Christmas clientele. There were some new faces. People
must be home for the holidays. He went over and joined Mikey at the bar.

"How's it going?" Michael asked.

"Too weird for words."

"Have you met any of them?"

Brian nodded. "Just his paternal grandfather."

"The homicidal maniac's father? And you are still alive to talk about it?"

"He's nothing like the son, he's more like Justin in some ways, but definitely one of the most dangerous
men I've ever met."

"Really?"

Brian nodded. Michael and the guys still hadn't gotten over the shock of going to a party at Brian's to
meet Justin's family.

Ted asked with mock innocence, "Brian, how come we are going to your loft tomorrow?"

"Shut up Ted. Or I'll tell Justin's grandfather about your obsession with Justin's ass."

Ted made a face. "Is he really that Taylor?"

Brian nodded.

"What? Who?" Emmett asked.

Michael shrugged, "Justin's grandfather use to be a big mover and shaker in Pittsburgh at one time."

"How can anyone called Grandpa be dangerous? He can't be that treacherous if he isn't this big important
guy any more."

Brian looked at Emmett and shook his head. "He gave it up to spend more time with his grandchildren.
Let me put it this way Em," Brian put his arm around Emmett's shoulders and drew him closer. "Am I not
the most dangerous man you know?"

Emmet grimaced and nodded.

"And do you think I would ever agree to a party for Justin's family at my home?"

Emmett shook his head no.

"And where are you going tomorrow?"

Emmett made a face. "Your place, that's... oh, OH!" He looked at Ted. "Oh. This guy is good, I can't wait
to meet him."

Michael looked at Brian. "So what are you getting out of all this? There must be something you've been
promised."

Brian's attention was on a blond head that was slowly making its way across the dance floor. He had been
promised a lot. Justin was so nervous and upset after his grandfather left and then was cornered about
New York that he promised Brian that the night of the party he would do anything Brian asked, carte
blanche for an evening. He smiled when he saw Justin's smile as he approached. "You could say that."

"Hi." Justin looked at each of them in turn. He looked at Brian. "Want to dance?"

Brian finished his beer, grabbed Justin's hand and disappeared into the crowd without a look back.

Ted watched them go, and then he turned to Michael. "Well, I suppose that answers that question."

The three watched as Brian and Justin's heads surfaced on the dance floor and the two danced to a
Christmas mix of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree."

Michael took a drink of his beer, "This is getting too weird."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later everyone was sitting in the diner having coffee. Ted was stretched over the seat, leaning
into Emmett's embrace. "I'm tired."

"Poor Teddy, you haven't been the same since the night of the PFLAG party."

"I miss my light up nose. It was the last time anyone looked at me."

"We can always get you one of your own," Emmett suggested.

Brian smirked, "Yeah and you could lead us all down the dark alley at night."

Ted sighed in dismay and pushed himself closer to Emmett.

Michael was crushed against the wall. "Will you two stop. I can't breath. Try sitting up."

Emmett rolled his eyes and patted Ted's shoulder. The two sat up just as their desserts were bring
delivered.

Michael took his lemon bar from the waiter.

Brian looked at their food. "How can you eat that crap this late at night?" He looked up just in time to see
a hot fudge sundae placed in front of Justin.

The younger man gave Brian a grin and attacked the sundae. He stopped after the first shovel full. "Want
some?"

Brian made a face and shook his head no. Justin turned to say something and Brian noticed some whip
cream and hot fudge on his lips. "Maybe a little taste." Brian leaned in and licked the sweetness from
Justin's lips. He pulled back and licked his own lips.

Justin took another scoop of the sundae. "Maybe you should try a little ice cream?" He opened his mouth
and placed the spoon in it. He closed his lips and pulled the spoon out slowly. Brian, as well as Ted,
Emmett and Michael watched the show but only Brian got to taste the ice cream with his next kiss.

Ted looked around, "Is it getting hot in here or what?" He pulled on his turtleneck a bit.

Brian suddenly pushed Justin's hot fudge sundae across the table. "Let's go."

"Now?"

Brian raised his arm and dangled his copy of the keys to Justin's new SUV from his fingers. "I wasn't able
to pick it up with you, but I thought there was something about the front seat you wanted me to check
out?"

Justin took a drink of water and stood up. "Bye guys, see you tomorrow."

The two men were out the door before anyone could object, leaving the booth with the other three men all
sitting on the same side.

"I can't believe Justin got a fuckin' SUV for Christmas," Em shook his head.

"And that it wasn't Brian who got it for him," Ted added with a smirk.

Michael looked back at the door. "Well, I guess we've been blown off."

Emmett started giggling, "Oh, I don't think we are the ones who are going to get blown."

Ted shrugged. "Well, they left us the ice cream." He pulled the sundae over to their side of the table and
shared it with his friends.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 29, 2001

Justin opened the door to Lindsay, Gus and Melanie. Gus looked at Justin, "Jus!"

"Hey Gus."

The little boy looked beyond him into the loft. He shouted "Dada" as loud as he could.

Justin bit his lip and frowned. He shook his head to Lindsay.

"How long?"

"Since before the caterer's arrived. He said he needed to run to the office."

"Right, on Saturday!" Melanie grumbled, "Piece of shit."

"Mel!" Lindsay said in a hushed tone.

"Okay, I won't say another word."

Lindsay turned and smiled at Justin. "Who's here?"

"So far --- all of my mom's family, Debbie and Vic. Can I take your coats?" Justin had been playing
doorman for the last half hour. He kept piling the coats on the bed. He gathered their coats. He looked
around as he walked to the bedroom. The caterers had delivered quite a bit of food but nothing was put
out yet. His Grandfather Walt, Ross, Vic and Uncle Paul were watching the college football game. He
noticed Melanie was looking over at the TV longingly but stayed near the tree. His mother, Debbie,
grandmother and aunt were in the dining area where several tables and chairs had been set up. Molly had
volunteered to watch Gus by the tree where she and her cousins were playing with their Barbies.
Occassionally Gus checked on the train, yelling `choochoo', but he was most interested in watching Molly
and the girls with their dolls. Gradually, the girls let Gus take part in their playing. Of course it helped
that Molly gave the toddler one of her dolls to shake and pull on. But regardless, the girls were soon

enchanted with Gus, as most people were. Lindsay went to join Debbie. Justin kind of felt like he was
caught in no man's land.

Before Brian left he had run around moving things and locking drawers. He did one thing that surprised
Justin. He had taken the picture of the naked man down and replaced it with a wreath from another area.
He put the painting into the storage area. Justin followed him around arguing that they didn't have to
move it, that his family would just have to deal with it. Brian just shook his head. Justin had to smile
when Brian carefully covered the artwork and gently patted it and then spoke to it. "Don't worry, you'll be
back home later tonight." Brian escaped not long after.

His mother wasn't surprised when she arrived and found him gone. His aunt and grandmother were
disappointed but they let it go without saying anything. His Granddad Walt had walked slowly into the
apartment as if he was afraid for his life. He soon settled in the chair by the TV, but not before admiring
the train. Justin had watched as he had bent down and examined the cars, when. When he stood he had
made some comment to Ross, who then shot Justin a malevolent look. Justin had just smiled back. He had
turned to see that his Uncle Paul and Aunt Maureen had watched the exchange and were laughing.

Justin came back from dropping the coats off to see that Emmett, Ted and Michael had arrived. They
apparently shared the elevator with his Grandpa Taylor who seemed involved in a lively discussion with
Ted. He collected their coats and then sat on the bed for a few minutes hoping no one would notice he
was missing. He was worried that people wouldn't be getting along or there would be no discussion. He
finally got up and perched himself by the doorframe of the bedroom so he could peek around and see
what was happening. Emmett was in the dining area with Lindsay and his mother. Mel and Ted had
joined Vic on the couch and were watching the game with Walt and Ross. Michael, his Uncle Paul and
Grandpa Taylor were sitting by the breakfast bar talking. He wished Brian had stayed. He walked down
the stairs not too sure where to go. His Grandpa Taylor waved him over and he was soon in a discussion
about skiing with Michael and his Uncle Jon. Michael apparently had skied with David.

Justin hadn't noticed but his mother, Deb and his grandmother started to put out the appetizers and
everyone started making their way to get something to drink and munch. Justin looked around. No
arguments, everyone was eating and talking, except Granddad Walt, but that wasn't actually unusual. He
did notice that at half time he went over to the tree again and was soon interacting with Gus. Justin could
see him pointing at different things on the train and then looking at Gus. Gus looked back at him quietly
and respectfully as though he really understood everything he was saying. He smiled thinking it was so
much like Christmases in the past. He had just traded most of his father's family for a family of his own
making. He really wished Brian would come home to share it. Justin found himself dragged out to the
kitchen where his aunt and grandmother tried to interrogate him for the tenth time about Brian. He had
spent time at home over the 3 days but only his Grandpa Taylor had met the elusive Brian Kinney.

Justin saw Ross head towards the bathroom. He watched for his return, wondering if he should try to talk
to him. He had seen him talking to Melanie and Ted but it seemed only about football. After about 5
minutes Ross hadn't returned so Justin started up into the bedroom. He felt a tug on his leg, and saw Gus
trying to follow him. He picked up the baby and walked up the stairs into the bedroom. He noticed the
bathroom door was open so he started to walk over to it when he heard a noise in the closet. He quickly
walked over to it and looked in.

"What are you doing Ross?!"

"Huh?" Ross looked surprised to be caught. "I was just checking out your fag boyfriend's wardrobe. I
heard he was something special." Ross stopped and looked at the label on another suit jacket.

"Shit Justin, there isn't one designer in here I don't recognize. I'd kill to have this wardrobe. Who'd he
have to fuck to get it?"

Justin's surprise was hidden by Gus' face as he tried to give Justin a raspberry kiss.

"I think you had better get out of here Ross before Brian comes home and finds out you are going through
his personal belongings. He doesn't like it when I do it and I practically live here."

"Yeah, I noticed. You still have more clothes than I do."

"I take it you went through my clothes at home."

"Is that what he gives you when you let him give it to you up the ass? I know Uncle Craig isn't paying for
your clothes and they are expensive." Ross snickered, "Of course, you got some real interesting other
stuff in your room too."

Justin blanched at the invasion of his privacy by his cousin. He thought of the photos and drawings. Justin
set Gus down and told him to go find the choochoo. Gus left the closet at a fast pace. Ross started to

brush past Justin but found himself shoved up against some very expensive Prada and Armani. Justin had
his forearm under his chin, and his other arm was pressing him across the stomach and his knee was
squarely between Ross's legs. His self-defense lessons from Melanie were paying off. "Look Ross, I've
had it. I've taken your shit for years and I'm done swallowing the filth you spew out. Stay out of my stuff
and stay out of my life. I don't care if you don't like me because I'm gay or simply because I'm your
cousin. You stop snooping. You go out there and you be nice to my friends. And keep your foul mouth
shut. I don't really care anymore, so I am not going sit back and keep quiet anymore. I know enough about
you to make your life miserable, right down to where you hide your pot, not to mention that little law you
broke two years ago. I take it no one ever figured out it was you?"

"You fucking little fairy. You can't tell them, they'll ....they'll disown me. I could go to jail."

"I might be a fucking fairy but I know where your bodies are buried so don't push me anymore Ross. I'll
start to push back and you won't even see it coming. You know me Ross, do you doubt I'd do it?"

"Shit Justin, you can't. I just .. I didn't realize what they were all up to."

"Ross I was only there for a week before I knew what your friends were up to." Justin stopped and looked
at Ross more closely. "You still aren't involved with them are you? I thought when you moved you would
have stopped it."

"It was only a couple of times, I stopped when you found out. You threatened

them, didn't you? They didn't let me come after you left. But I'm worried that it'll all catch up to me."

"It's been a couple years hasn't it?"

"Yeah, I just never, Justin I didn't know they would wreck the houses during the parties."

"Ross, what the fuck did you think happened when you broke into a house for weekend parties? Did you
think the kids cleaned up when they left and replaced all the missing liquor? You helped destroy the
places."

"I was drunk and high."

"I told you not to do drugs."

"Sorry if I'm not the poster boy for 'Just Say No!' in the family. Do you know how hard it is following
behind you? I was thrilled when you turned out to be gay. I thought , `At last, I'll be the one they all make
a fuss over', but no, you have to go for the drama and action and nearly get your head taken off. Justin,
what the fuck were you thinking, going to the prom? You know what it's like in high school. You could
have been killed."

Justin eased his hold on Ross. "You almost sound like you care."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, fuck you too."

"Can you let go of me?"

"Are you going to cut the shit and respect my privacy?"

"Justin, we are cousins, our mothers are sisters. We have no privacy."

Justin tried not to laugh. "Ross, I'm warning you."

"Yeah, yeah, lucky Granddad still loves me more. "

"Maybe but I heard he found out you hate fishing."

They started to walk out of the closet.

"Who told him? Did you?"

"Wasn't me, I..." Justin walked right into a wall. A very tall and solid wall of bone and flesh, and he
looked up, "Brian?"

"Do I even want to know what you are doing in my closet? Oh and look you have brought a friend to play
with you. Were you playing dress up?"

Justin looked at Ross and realized for the first time he had put on one of Brian suit coats.

"Uh, we were just hashing a few things out."

Ross was looking up at Brian in shock, the presence of the older man freezing his voice. He mutely took
off the jacket and handed it to Justin. He pushed past Justin and ducked around Brian and headed out of
the bedroom.

Brian turned to watch his retreat. "Let me guess, Ross?"

Justin nodded. "Brian we were just, I mean ..."

"It's okay Justin, I heard." Brian had entered the loft certain he'd be mobbed by Justin's family. But he had
been pleasantly surprised that they had enough manners to give him time to adjust and allow him to come
to them. That relief vanished when he saw Justin pushing himself into some guy in his closet. His first
reaction had been jealous rage that Justin was making out with some guy in his closet, his loft, and he had
quickly moved in that direction. The jealousy had turned to concern for Justin when he'd realized what
was going on. He was about to intervene when he realized that Justin had the situation under control. He
was proud as he heard Justin stick up for himself against the punk he assumed was his cousin. "It's a
wonder between the two of us he hasn't peed his pants."

Justin laughed. He suddenly snaked his arms around Brian's middle and pulled himself close. "I'm glad
you're here."

"I had to come. My cell phone wouldn't stop ringing. Fuck, Melanie even left a message at Woody's for
me. I was lucky the police weren't sent out to track me down."

"What?"

"Justin, I have received at least 6 calls telling me I'm a heartless bastard, a selfish prick, and an unfeeling
coward... Need I go on? All the messages ended by telling me to get my uncaring ass home."

Justin paled. "I'm sorry Brian, I didn't ask them to do it, honest."

"I know Justin." Brian reached in for a hanger for his shirt. "I'm just going to change and then I'll be out."

"You don't have to, I understand. Shit, I didn't want to be here for a while."

Brian tried not to smile at the look on Justin's face. He walked into the closet to hang the shirt.

"What do you want to wear? I'll get it."

"Justin, go out and play nice."

Justin grimaced.

"I'll be out," Brian leaned out the doorway and looked at him, "eventually."

Justin smiled but stood there waiting.

"Go."

"Okay!" Justin turned and walked out the stairs towards the dining area.

Brian changed slowly, wondering it he could do this. Lindsay and Deb were so threatening on the phone
he didn't dare not return... not if we wanted to see his son or have Justin to play with when he moved back
in with Deb. The call that surprised him was Michael's. He shook his head. He never thought Michael
would tell him to come; he thought Michael would help Justin cover for him. He pulled Justin's present
on. He loved the sweater the teen had picked out for him. He knew how much it cost too, having had his
eye on it for a couple of weeks. He ran his hand over the soft material knowing he had no time left. He
walked to the bedroom doorway and looked out. Everyone was busy talking and eating. Brian wondered
if they really didn't notice him or if they were all trying to make him feel more comfortable by studiously
ignoring him. Only one person didn't ignore him. He walked down the steps as Gus ran to him.

"Dada! Dada!" Brian picked his son up and kissed him. He gave Gus a big smile, "Thanks for being
Dada's shield," he whispered to his son. Armed with Gus, Brian went to meet Justin's family.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin was talking to Vic and Daniel when he saw Brian come to the top of the stairs. He was about to go
over and meet him when he felt his grandfather's hand on his arm.

"No Justin, let him join us in his own way and in his own time."

"But he's likely to bolt and he. He hates this."

"Trust me Justin, it'll be okay. It's better that someone else does the introduction, it's taken care of so don't
worry."

"What?"

Vic nudged Justin in the stomach. "Watch."

Justin watched as Lindsay got up and came over to Brian, and waved for him to follow her. Brian
followed, but Justin could see the reluctance in every step. He followed Brian's progress as Lindsay
walked him over to Debbie and Jennifer. They in turn talked to Brian a few minutes and then Jennifer
introduced him to Justin's grandmother and aunt.

Justin watched them exchange a few pleasantries and Brian suddenly grinned. Justin thought he blushed a
bit at something his grandmother said. "I don't understand. Why couldn't I do it?"

His grandfather looked at him. "You are too nervous and protective. Odds are you would try to make it
better and instead you would make it worse by putting your foot in your mouth. And..." Daniel Taylor
gave a shrug of his shoulders.

"And?" Justin asked.

Vic hit his hand. "And what Princess? How were you going to introduce him? Here's my older lover?
Here's the man who took my virginity? Here's the man who I've been in a relationship with for over a
year? No, this way it's a simple introduction. Everyone knows the truth but it's not in their faces. Been
done this way forever, but the bride's usually pregnant."

Daniel started laughing. "At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about."

Justin blushed. He suddenly grinned and pointed over his shoulder at Molly. "Yet."

His grandfather looked at where he pointed and stopped laughing. "I got a few years yet."

"Should I go over?"

"Give it a couple more minutes and then go over. I noticed Walt isn't budging from the chair. Oh well,
he's here, more than I can say for my own son."

Vic looked at him. "It's a start Daniel, and that's what matters. Your family is handling this better than
mine ever did. For either generation." Vic looked over at Michael.

"Thank you, Vic."

Justin started to edge away from the two men but felt his armed gripped by his grandfather.

"In a few minutes Justin. Let Mary and Maureen have their fun."

Justin grimaced but waited impatiently.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian was surprised when Justin stayed where he was, but he quickly realized Justin was trapped between
Vic and Daniel Taylor for a reason. He was glad in a way. He followed Lindsay to the dining area.
Debbie and Jennifer were waiting for him.

"So you finally showed."

"Don't start Deb."

She suddenly smiled. "I knew you could do it, you just needed to be reminded."

"That's hounded and threatened."

Debbie shrugged.

Jennifer looked at him mystified. "What did they do to you?"

Debbie looked at Lindsay, and then away.

Jennifer looked at Debbie. "What did you say to get him here?"

Lindsay looked over at Gus before speaking. "He knew it was an empty threat. Right Brian?" She turned
to him with a pleading look.

Brian smiled devilishly and then Gus suddenly mirrored the smile. Lindsay's eyebrows rose and she
suddenly looked worried. `Two of them' was all she could think.

Brian took Gus's hand in his own and raised it to give him a raspberry on it. "Nothing, just my visitation
rights to my son and conjugal visits with my lover."

"Brian!" Debbie said loudly and then punched him in the arm. "His mother's right here."

"That's why I used `conjugal visits' instead of--"

"BRIAN!" Lindsay and Deb said at the same time.

He started laughing. He looked at Jennifer without apology. "She knows what we do Deb. If I know Justin
he's a wealth of too much detail."

Jennifer had to laugh. "Let's just say I know when he is very happy, I don't want the details. He tried once
and I threatened him with another story from my youth. That stopped him cold."

Brian paused and stared when his bluff was called, "He wouldn't dare."

Jennifer laughed. "I'll never tell." She looked over at her mother and sister. "Brian, if you are ready, I'd
like to introduce to my mother and sister."

Brian looked at Gus, "You ready Sonny Boy?" Gus just smiled and muttered "choochoo." Brian kissed his
cheek. "I guess we're ready."

The three walked over to the table where Justin's grandmother and aunt were sitting. "Mom, I'd like to
you to meet Brian Kinney."

Justin's grandmother stood up and reached out to take Brian's hand. Brian reached out, but instead of
shaking it Mary Ellis took his hand in both of hers. She looked at Gus and then Brian. "Well, you have a
beautiful son Brian, and I understand our Justin is quite taken with you." Still holding his hand she looked
at her daughters. "Nice to know Justin is keeping up the family tradition of bringing handsome men into
the family."

Brian didn't pull his hand back but they could see his body jerk. He looked at Mary Ellis, and blushed for
the first time in fifteen years. He heard Debbie start to chuckle. He smiled suddenly, his most charming
smile. He lifted his hand from Mary Ellis' grip but held on to one of her hands. He kissed her hand in a
very gentlemanly manner.

"Thank you M'am, you are too kind."

Maureen looked at her mother, "Oh, smooth, I like this one." She looked at her sister. "Tell Justin this one
goes on the keeper list."

Brian's blush started again but he recovered quickly. "Justin has always exhibited good taste and
intelligence, I see where he gets it from now, obviously the women in his family."

Maureen laughed. "Definitely the keeper list."

Gus started to squirm a bit and Brian put him down. He didn't leave his father's side, but stood on Brian's
bare foot and clung to his leg. "Up!" Brian started to lift his leg, so Gus could hold on for a ride. Brian
was offered a seat. He sat down and continued to amuse both Gus and the Ellis women.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, go on, it's safe."

Justin looked at his grandpa.

"You sure?"

"Brian is still there, in fact he's sitting. But Justin, I know Mary and Maureen very well. They are going to
tease you. Your mom always was a bit more serious. How Mary ended up with Walt I'll never know."

Vic looked over at Justin's other grandfather. He was talking to Ross and Melanie as

they watched a slow motion replay. Vic shrugged. "I'll bet he was very nice looking and intelligent when
he was younger." He looked back at Daniel, "But I'd say the bloom is off his rose a bit."

Daniel laughed. "Yes, and for all his intelligence, he can't figure out love comes first."

Justin looked at his Grandpa and Vic. "Now?"

They both nodded. Justin tried to look casual walking over to the dining area, and he would have, if he
hadn't been moving so fast.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian felt Justin's approach rather than actually seeing it. Gus looked up at Justin. "Up Jus, up." Justin
knelt next to the little boy, who was still holding on to his father's leg as he was raised and lowered. Gus
gave him a hug and then climbed into his arms.

Brian lowered his leg. "He's better than the machines at the gym."

Justin looked up and smiled happily. "Did you switch legs for the proper workout?"

Brian snorted. He turned to see Mary Ellis place a glass of soda down next to him. Brian stared at it as if
it was an alien poison.

Justin looked down quickly to hide his grin.

A bottle of beer quickly followed it. Brian smiled. Justin's grandmother looked down at her grandson,
"The soda is for you smart aleck."

"Yes M'am." Justin was quiet and suitably chastised.

Brian looked at Justin's grandmother, "You're going to have to teach me how you get him to do that."
Mary Ellis and the others only laughed.

The two were left alone for a minute. "I think I like your grandmother Justin."

Justin smiled, "Yeah she's nice. She and Deb are really getting along." He frowned suddenly. "Brian did
you know there was a video of the Christmas party? Debbie said she was going to loan it to Grandmom."

Brian suddenly averted his eyes.

Justin eyes widened. "You didn't."

"It's a long time between Christmases Justin, I didn't know how long it would be before I'd see you in
tigh...red again."

"Brian!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The gathering lasted another couple hours. Brian spoke with everyone except Walter Ellis. The two men
seemed to easily avoid each other and no one seemed to press it. When his maternal grandparents left
Justin made a point of talking to his grandfather. Justin asked him what he thought of the train. When he
realized Justin was sincere, he spoke to him briefly about what a good quality it was and that Justin had
done a good job of picking one out. Brian stood behind him, not saying anything. His grandmother gave
them both a hug and a kiss as she left. Maureen and Paul followed them out. Ross had already taken
Molly and his two sisters down to the car. Maureen asked Brian to consider coming out to Telluride later
in the ski season, with Justin of course. Justin realized his aunt wasn't always very subtle.

Jennifer gave them both a hug. She kissed Justin and held him tightly.

"I'm okay Mom."

"I know Honey, I know."

She turned to Brian." Thank you for offering your home for the party. I was thrilled when Danny told us
you would be glad to have us here."

Brian just nodded.

Jennifer suddenly smiled. "I know how --- persuasive he can be. I'm glad you were able to be here too."
She touched Brian's cheek, gave Justin another quick kiss and left.

Daniel Taylor was talking to Vic and Debbie. They walked to the door. Debbie walked up to Brian and
gave him a hug. "I'm proud of you," was all she said softly in his ear. Brian waved to Vic and shook
hands with Daniel.

"I'll be talking to you both soon." Daniel looked at his grandson and gave him a hug and a kiss. He went
to join Debbie and Vic at the elevator.

Brian listened to the elevator gate open and then clang closed. The grinding sound of the lift faded.

Brian turned around. Ted, Emmet and Michael had their coats on. "You guys going too?"

Michael and Ted nodded.

Emmett couldn't resist, "Brian we all noticed when we came in that you removed one of your most
cherished possessions to please the in-laws. Can I have it?"

Brian scowled. "Fuck you Emmett."

Michael tried not to smile. He grabbed Em, and headed towards the door. "Good night Brian."

Mel looked up, "Wait we're coming too." Mel was trying to get Gus into his snowsuit but he was upset
about leaving the train again.

Lindsay looked on trying not to laugh. "You've created a monster with that train Brian."

"Hey, blame Justin." Brian leaned down and helped Melanie.

Everyone was leaving at once. Justin said good-bye to everyone and then suggested Brian walk them all
downstairs while he put the last few things away.

Brian looked at him strangely but agreed. "I like your family Justin, they clean up after themselves. What
happened to you?"

"Cute Brian, those red leggings are getting further and further away."

"Don't forget my promised reward."

"I won't."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian came back into the loft to find it transformed. There was only the glow of the Christmas lights now.
The noise of the TV was replaced with soft playing music. There was a bottle of champagne in a cooler
on the table, as well as two fluted glasses. The only thing missing was the Elf.

"Justin?"

"I'll be just a minute." There was a slight pause. "Oh, Brian, can you do me a favor? Can you check the
train while I'm getting ready? I think Gus derailed it or something."

"Now?"

"Yes, we take everything down tomorrow and I want to make sure it's not broken."

Brian rolled his eyes. He walked over to the Christmas tree. He didn't even see the train so he hit the
on/off switch. The train slowly chugged out from in back of the tree. It seemed to be working okay. Brian
looked at the engine more closely. The train started to pass him and he was concentrating on the wheels.
He suddenly saw something bright on one of the cars. He had to wait for the train to come around again to
get a better look. This time he noticed that Justin's bells were hanging off the smoke stack of the engine.
There was a little present tied to each of the cars. Brian did inventory as it passed. Lube, condoms, a
dildo, and a blindfold. He waited for the train to go by again and he lifted the bells off the engine. On its
next trip he turned it off. He recovered his presents from each car.

"So, you ready for your reward?"

Brian turned around; Justin was standing there all but naked. He wore the Santa hat. Brian thought he
would be in his tights but he wasn't. Brian smiled when he saw what he was wearing.

"I have one last Christmas gift for you. I know how you like unwrapping gifts." Justin stood on the top
step with a large red bow wrapped around his cock. He turned a bit as if modeling a sweater. "You like?"

Brian gathered up his gifts and stood. "You know how I love you in red."

Justin smiled and put his hand out to Brian. Brian joined him at the top of the stairs.

Brian took the hat off Justin's head. "I believe that is mine." Brian lifted the bells and placed them over
Justin's neck. Then reached down and jingled them. "Now you are properly decorated."

"Merry Christmas Brian."

"Merry Christmas Justin."

Justin kissed Brian lightly on the lips. The kiss was followed by whoops of laughter as the Christmas Elf
was thrown over Santa's shoulder. Santa had a present to unwrap and several to give before the night was
over.

"...Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Let your hearts be light.

From now on our troubles will be out of sight. Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Make the Yuletide
gay,

From now on our troubles will be miles away. Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us,

Will be near to us once more.

Through the years we all will be together If the Fates allow,

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough, And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

~~~Fin~~~