Harden

(TheseventhbookintheLongTallTexansseries)

(1991)

Anovelby

DianaPalmer

ChapterOne

Thebarwasn'tcrowded.Hardenwishedithadbeen,sothathecouldhaveblendedinbetter.Hewas
theonlycustomerinbootsandaStetson,evenifhewaswearinganexpensivegraysuitwiththem.
Butthethingwas,hestoodout,andhedidn'twantto.

Abeefproducers'conferencewasbeingheldatthisuptownhotelinChicago,wherehe'dbookeda
luxurysuitefortheduration.Hewasgivingaworkshoponanimprovedmethodofcrossbreeding.
Notthathe'dwantedto;hisbrotherEvanhadvolunteeredhim,andithadbeentoolatetobackoutby
thetimeHardenfoundout.Ofhisthreebrothers,Evanwastheonehewasclosestto.Undertheother
man'sgood-naturedkiddingwasatemperevenhotterthanHarden'sandaferocityofspiritthatmade
himakeenally.

Hardensippedhisdrink,feelinghisalonenesskeenly.Hedidn'tfitinwellwithmostpeople.Evenhis
in-lawsfoundhimparticularlydisturbingasadinnercompanion,andheknewit.Sometimesitwas
difficultjusttogetthroughtheday.Hefeltincomplete;asifsomethingcrucialwasmissinginhislife.
He'dcomedownheretotheloungetogethismindofftheemptiness.Buthefeltevenmorealoneas
helookedaroundhimatthelaughing,happycoupleswhofilledtheroom.Hisflintypaleblueeyes
glitteredatanolderwomannearbymakingaplayforaman.Sameoldstory.Boredhousewife,

handsomestranger,aone-nightfling.Hisownmothercouldhavewrittenabookonthatsubject.He
wastheresultofheramorousfling,theonlyoutsiderinafamilyoffourboys.Everybodyknew
Hardenwasillegitimate.Itdidn'tbotherhimsomuchanymore,buthishatredofthefemalesex,like
hiscontemptforhismother,hadneverdwindled.Andtherewasanotherreason,anevenmorepainful
one,whyhecouldneverforgivehismother.Itwasmuchmoredamningthanthefactofhis
illegitimacy,andhepushedthethoughtofittothebackofhismind.Yearshadpassed,butthe
memorystillcutlikeasharpknife.Itwaswhyhehadn'tmarried.Itwaswhyheprobablyneverwould.

Twoofhisbrothersweremarried.Donald,theyoungestTremayne,hadsuccumbedfouryearsago.
Connalhadgiveninlastyear.Evanwasstillsingle.HeandHardenweretheonlybachelorsleft.
Theodora,theirmother,didherbesttothroweligiblewomenatthem.Evanenjoyedthem.Hardendid
not.

Hehadnouseforwomenthesedays.Atonetime,he'devenconsideredbecomingaminister.That
hadgonethewayofmostboyishdreams.Hewasamannow,andhadhisshareofresponsibilityfor
theTremayneranch.Besides,he'dneverreallyfeltthecallingforthecloth.Orforanythingelse.A
silverylaughcaughthisattentionandheglancedatthedoorway.Despitehishostilitytowardanything
inskirts,hecouldn'ttearhiseyesaway.Shewasbeautiful.Themostbeautifulcreaturehe'deverseen
inhislife.Shehadlong,wavyblackhairhalfwaydownherback.Herfigurewasexquisite,perfectly
formedfromthesmallthrustofherhighbreaststothenipped-inwaistofhersilvercocktaildress.
Herlegswereencasedinhose,andtheywereasperfectastherestofher.Helethisgazeslidebackup
tohercreamycomplexionwithjusttherighttouchofmakeup,andheallowedhimselftowonder
whatcolorhereyeswere.

Asifsensinghisscrutiny,herheadabruptlyturnedfromthemanwithher,andhesawthathereyes
matchedherdress.Theywerethepurestsilver,anddespitethesmileandthehappyexpression,they
werethesaddesteyeshe'deverseen.

Sheseemedtofindhimasfascinatingashefoundher.Shestaredathimopenly,hereyeslingeringon
hislong,leanfacewithitspaleblueeyesandjet-blackhairandeyebrows.Afteraminute,sherealized
thatshewasstaringandsheavertedherface.

Theysatdownatatablenearhim.Thewomanhadobviouslybeendrinkingalready,becauseshewas
loud.

“Isn'tthisfun?"shewassaying."Goodness,Sam,Ineverrealizedthatalcoholtastedsonice!

Timneverdrank."

"Youhavetostopthinkingabouthim,"theothermansaidfirmly."Havesomepeanuts."

"I’mnotanelephant,"shesaidvehemently.

"Willyoustop?Mindy,youmightatleastpretendthatyou'reimproving."

"Ido.Ipretendfrommorninguntilnight,haven'tyounoticed?"

"Listen,I'vegotto—"Therewasasuddenbeepingsound.Themanmutteredsomethingandshutit

off."Damntheluck!I'llhavetofindaphone.I'llberightback,Mindy."Mindy.Thenamesuitedher
somehow.Hardentwistedhisshotglassinhishandashestudiedherbackandwonderedwhatthe
nicknamewasshortfor.

Sheturnedslightly,watchinghercompaniondialanumberatapayphone.Thehappyexpression
wentintoeclipseandshelookedalmostdesperate,herfacedrawnandsomber.Hercompanion,
meanwhile,hadfinishedhisphonecallandwascheckinghiswatchevenasherejoinedher.

"Damn,"hecursedagain,"I'vegotacall.I'llhavetogotothehospitalrightaway.I'lldropyouoffon
theway."

"Noneed,Sam,"shereplied."I'llphoneJoanandhavehertakemehome.Yougoahead."

"Areyousureyouwanttogobacktotheapartment?Youknowyou'rewelcometostaywithme."

"Iknow.You'vebeenverykind,butit'stimeIwentback."

"Youdon'tmindcallingJoan?"headdedreluctantly."Yourapartmentistenminutesoutofmyway,
andeverysecondcountsinanemergency."

"Go!"shesaid."Honest,I'mokay."

Hegrimaced."Allright.I'llphoneyoulater."

Hebent,butHardennoticedthathekissedheronthecheek,notthelips.

Shewatchedhimgowithsomethingborderingonrelief.Oddreaction,Hardenthought,forawoman
whowasobviouslydatingaman.

SheturnedabruptlyandsawHardenwatchingher.Withasultrylaughshepickedupthepinacolada
she'dorderedandgottoherfeet.ShemovedfluidlytoHarden'stableandwithoutwaitingforan
invitation,shesatdown,sprawlinglanguidlyinthechairacrossfromhim.Hergazewasasdirectas
his,curiousandcautious.

"You'vebeenstaringatme,"shesaid.

"You'rebeautiful,"hereturnedwithoutinflection."Awalkingworkofart.Iexpecteveryonestares."

Sheliftedbotheleganteyebrows,clearlysurprised."You'reveryforthright."

"Blunt,"hecorrected,liftinghisglassinacynicalsalutebeforehedrainedit."Idon'tbeataroundthe
bush."

"NeitherdoI.Doyouwantme?"

Hecockedhishead,notsurprised,evenifhewasoddlydisappointed."Excuseme?"Sheswallowed.
"Doyouwanttogotobedwithme?"sheasked.Hisbroadshouldersroseandfell."Notparticularly,"
hesaidsimply."Butthanksfortheoffer."

"Iwasn'toffering,"shereplied."IwasgoingtotellyouthatI'mnotthatkindofwoman.See?"She
profferedherlefthand,displayingaweddingbandandanengagementring.Hardenfeltahotstirring
insidehim.Shewasmarried.Well,whathadheexpected?Abeautylikethatwouldbemarried,of
course.Andshewasoutwithamanwhowasn'therhusband.Contemptkindledinhiseyes.

"Isee,"herepliedbelatedly.

Mindysawthecontemptandithurt."Areyou...married?"shepersisted.

"Nobodybraveenoughforthatjob,"hereturned.Hiseyesnarrowedandhesmiledcoldly."I'mhell
onthenerves,orsotheytellme."

"Awomanizer,youmean?"

Heleanedforward,hispaleblueeyesascoldastheicetheyresembled."Awomanhater."Thewayhe
saiditmadeherskinchill.Sherubbedwarmhandsoverherupperarms."Oh."

"Doesn'tyourhusbandmindyougoingoutwithothermen?"heaskedmockingly.

"Myhusband...died,"shebitofftheword.Shetookasuddendeepsipofherdrinkandthenanother,
herbrowsdrawntogether."Threeweeksago."Herfacecontortedsuddenly."Ican'tbearit!"Shegot
upandrushedoutofthebar,herpurseforgotteninherdesperatehaste.Hardenknewthelookhe'd
justseeninhereyes.Heknewthesound,aswell.Itbroughthimtohisfeetinaninstant.Hecrammed
hertinypurseintohispocket,paidforhisdrink,andwentrightoutbehindher.

Itdidn'ttakehimlongtofindher.Therewasabridgenearby,overtheChicagoRiver.Shewas
leaningoverit,herposturestiffandsuggestiveassheheldtherails.Hardenmovedtowardherwith
quick,hardstrides,noticinghersuddenshockedglanceinhisdirection.

"Oh,hell,no,youdon't,"hesaidroughlyandabruptlydraggedherawayfromtherails.Heshookher
once,hard."Pullyourselftogether,forGod'ssake!Thisisstupid!"Sheseemedtorealizethenwhere
shewas.Shelookedatthewaterbelowandshivered.

"I...wouldn'treallyhavedoneit.Idon'tthinkIwould,"shestammered."It'sjustthatit'ssohard,togo
on.Ican'teat,Ican'tsleep...!"

"Committingsuicideisn'ttheanswer,"hesaidstubbornly.Hereyesglitteredlikemoonlitwaterinher
tragicfaceasshelookedupathim."Whatis?"

"Lifeisn'tperfect,"hesaid."Tonight,thisminute,isallwereallyhave.Noyesterdays.Notomorrows.
There'sonlythepresent.Everythingelseisamemoryoradaydream."Shewipedhereyeswitha
beautifullymanicuredhand,hernailspalestpinkagainstherfaintlytannedskin."Todayispretty
horrible."

"Putonefootforwardatatime.Livefromoneminutetothenext.You'llgetthrough."

"LosingTimwasterribleenough,yousee,"shesaid,tryingtoexplain."ButIwaspregnant.Ilostthe
babyintheaccident,too.Iwas...Iwasdriving."Shelookedup,herfaceterrible."Theroadwasslick
andIlostcontrolofthecar.Ikilledhim!IkilledmybabyandIkilledTim...!"Hetookherbythe

shoulders,fascinatedbythefeelofhersoftskinevenasheregisteredthethinnessofthem."God
decidedthatitwashistimetodie,"Hardencorrected.

"Thereisn'taGod!"shewhispered,herfacewhitewithpainandrememberedanguish.

"Yes,thereis,"hesaidsoftly.Hisbroadchestroseandfell."Comeon."

"Whereareyoutakingme?"

"Home."

"No!"

Shewaspullingagainsthishand."Iwon'tgobacktheretonight,Ican't!Hehauntsme...."Hestopped.
Hiseyessearchedherfacequietly."Idon'twantyouphysically.Butyoucanstaywithmetonight,if
youlike.There'sasparebedandyou'llbesafe."Hecouldn'tbelievehewasmakingtheoffer.He,who
hatedwomen.Buttherewassomethingsoterriblyfragileabouther.Shewasn'tsober,andhedidn't
wanthertryingsomethingstupid.Itwouldlieheavilyonhisconscience;atleast,thatwaswhathetold
himselftojustifyhisinterest.Shestaredathimquietly."I'mastranger."

"SoamI."

Shehesitated."MynameisMirandaWarren,"shesaidfinally.

"HardenTremayne.You'renotastrangeranymore.Comeon."Shelethimguideherbacktothehotel,
herstepsnotquitesteady.Shelookedupathimcuriously.Hewaswearinganexpensivehatandsuit.
Evenhisbootslookedexpensive.Hermindwasstillwhirling,butshehadenoughsenselefttorealize
thathemightthinkshewastargetinghimbecausehehadmoney.

"Ishouldgotomyownapartment,"shesaidhesitantly.

"Why?"

Hewasblunt.Sowasshe."Becauseyoulookverywell-to-do.I'masecretary.Timwasareporter.I'm
notatallwealthy,andIdon'twantyoutogetthewrongideaaboutme."

"Itoldyou,Idon'twantawomantonight,"hesaidirritably.

"Itisn'tjustthat."Sheshiftedrestlessly."YoumightthinkIdeliberatelystagedallthistorobyou."

Hiseyebrowsrose."Whatanintriguingthought,"hemurmureddryly.

"Yes,isn'tit?"shesaidwryly."ButifIwereplanninganysuchthing,I'dpicksomeonewholooked
lessdangerous."

Hesmiledfaintly."Afraidofme?"heaskeddeeply.

Shesearchedhishardface."IhaveafeelingIshouldbe.But,no,I'mnot.You'vebeenverykind.Ijust
hadamoment'spanic.Iwouldn'treallyhavethrownmyselfoffthebridge,youknow.Ihategetting

wet."Sheshifted."Ireallyshouldgohome."

"Youreallyshouldcomewithme,"hereplied."Iwon'trest,wonderingifyou'vegotanotherbridge
pickedout.Comeon.Idon'tthinkyou'reawould-bethief,andI'mtired."

"Areyousure?"sheasked.

Henodded."I'msure."

Shelethimleadherintothehotelandaroundtotheelevator.Itwasoneofthebesthotelsinthecity,
andhewentstraightuptotheluxurysuites.Heunlockedthedoorandletherin.Therewasahuge
sittingroomthatledoffineitherdirectiontotwoseparatebedrooms.Evanhadplannedtocomeup
withHardenfromTexas.Atthelastminute,though,there'dbeenanemergencyandEvanhadstayed
behindtohandleit.

Mirandabegantofeelnervous.Shereallyknewnothingaboutthisman,andsheknewshewasoutof
control.Buttherewassomethinginhiseyesthatreassuredher.Hewasastrongman.Hepositively
radiatedstrength,andsheneededthattonight.Neededsomeonetoleanon,someonetotakecareof
her,justthisonce.Timhadbeenmorechildthanhusband,alwaysexpectinghertohandlethings.
Bills,telephonecallsaboutbrokenappliances,thecheckbook,groceries,drycleaning,housekeeping
—allthathadbeenMiranda'sjob.Timworkedandcamehomeandwatchedtelevision,andthen
expectedsexondemand.Mirandahadn'tlikedsex.Itwasanunpleasantdutythatshetriedtoperform
withthesameresignationthatsheappliedtoallherotherchores.Timknew,ofcoursehedid.She'd
gottenpregnant,andTimhadn'tlikedit.Hefoundherrepulsivepregnant.Thathadbeenan
unexpectedbenefit.Butnowtherewasnopregnancy.Herhandwenttoherstomachandherface
contorted.She'dlostherbaby....

"Stopthat,"Hardensaidunexpectedly,hispaleblueeyesflashingatherwhenhesawtheexpression
onherface."Agonizingoveritisn'tgoingtochangeonedamnedthing."Hetossedhishotelkeyon
thecoffeetableandmotionedherintoachair."Ikeepapotofcoffeeon.Wouldyoulikeacup?"

"Yes,please,"shesaidwithresignation.Sheslumpeddownintothechair,feelingasifallthelifehad
drainedoutofher."Icangetit,"sheaddedquickly,startingtorise.Hefrowned."I'mperfectlycapable
ofpouringcoffee,"hesaidshortly.

"Sorry,"shesaidwithashysmile."I'musedtowaitingonTim."Hesearchedhereyes."Hadyou
trained,didhe?"heasked.Shegasped.

Heturned."Black,ordoyoulikesomethinginit?"

"I...Ilikeitblack,"shestammered.

"Good.There'snocream."

She'dneverbeeninahotelpenthousebefore.Itwasbeautiful.Itoverlookedthelakeandthe
beachfront,andshedidn'tlikethinkingaboutwhatitmusthavecost.Shegottoherfeetandwalkeda
littleunsteadilytothepatiodoorthatoverlookedChicagoatnight.Shewantedtogooutsideandgeta
breathofair,butshecouldn'tgettheslidingdoortowork.

"Oh,forGod'ssake,notagain!"cameacurt,angrydeepvoicefrombehindher.Lean,stronghands
caughtherwaistfrombehind,liftingandturninghereffortlesslybeforehefrog-marchedherbackto
herchairandsatherdowninit."Nowstayput,"hesaidshortly."Iamnothavinganymoreleaping
episodestonight,doyouunderstandme?"

Sheswallowed.Hewasverytall,andextremelyintimidating.She'dalwaysmanagedtomanipulate
Timwhenhehadbadmoods,butthismandidn'tlookasifhewascontrollableanywayatall."Yes,"
shesaidthroughtightlips."ButIwasn'tgoingtojump.Ijustwantedtoseetheview—"Hecutheroff.
"Here.Drinkthis.Itwon'tsoberyouup,butitmightlightenyourmoodabit."Hepushedacupand
saucertowardher.Thesmellofstrongcoffeedriftedupintohernostrilsassheliftedthecup.

"Careful,"hesaid."Don'tspillitonthatprettydress."

"It'sold,"sherepliedwithasadsmile."Myclotheshavetolastyears.TimwasfuriousthatIwasted
moneyonthisone,butIwantedjustonenicedress."

Hesatdownacrossfromherandleanedback,crossinghislonglegsbeforehelitacigaretteand
draggedanashtraycloser."Ifyoudon'tlikethesmoke,I'llturntheairconditioningup,"heoffered.

"Idon'tmindit,"shereplied."Iusedtosmoke,butTimmademequit.Hedidn'tlikeit."Hardenwas
gettingapictureofthelateTimthathedidn'tlike.Heblewoutacloudofsmoke,hiseyesrakingher
face,absorbingthefragilityinit."Whatkindofsecretaryareyou?"

"Legal,"shesaid."Iworkforafirmofattorneys.It'sagoodjob.I'maparalegalnow.Itooknight
coursestolearnit.Idoalotoflegworkandresearchingalongwithtypingupbriefsandsuch.Itgives
mesomefreedom,becauseI'mnotchainedtoadeskallday."

"Themanyouwerewithtonight..."

"Sam?"Shelaughed."Itisn'tlikethat.Samismybrother."Hiseyebrowsarched."Yourbrothertakes
youondrinkingsprees?"

"Samisadoctor,andhehardlydrinksatall.HeandJoan—mysister-in-law—havebeenlettingme
staywiththemsince...sincetheaccident.ButtonightIwasgoinghome.I'djustcomefromanoffice
party.Icertainlydidn'tfeellikeaparty,butIgotdraggedinbecauseeveryonethoughtafewdrinks
mightmakemefeelbetter.Theydid.Butoneofmyco-workersthoughtIwasfeelingtoomuchbetter
soshecalledSamtocomeandgetme.ThenIwantedtocomehereandtryapinacoladaandSam
humoredmebecauseIthreatenedtomakeascene."Shesmiled."Samisverystraitlaced.He'sa
surgeon."

"Youdon'tfavoreachother."

Shelaughed,anditwaslikesilverybellsalloveragain."Helookslikeourfather.Ilooklikeour
mother'smother.Therearejustthetwoofus.Ourparentsweremiddle-agedwhentheymarriedand
hadus.TheydiedwithinsixmonthsofeachotherwhenSamwasstillinmedicalschool.He'sten
yearsolderthanIam,yousee.Hepracticallyraisedme."

"Hiswifedidn'tmind?"

"Oh,no,"shesaid,rememberingJoan'skindnessandmaternalinstincts."Theycan'thavechildrenof
theirown.JoanalwayssaidIwasmorelikeherdaughterthanhersister-in-law.She'sbeenverygood
tome."

Hecouldn'timagineanybodynotbeinggoodtoher.Shewasn'tlikethewomenhe'dknowninthepast.
Thisoneseemedtohaveaheart.Anddespiteherwidowedstatus,therewassomethingveryinnocent
abouther,almostnaive.

"Yousaidyourhusbandwasareporter,"hesaidwhenhe'dfinishedhiscoffee.Shenodded."Hedid
sports.Football,mostly."Shesmiledapologetically."Ihatefootball."Hechuckledfaintlyandtook
anotherdrawfromhiscigarette."SodoI."

Hereyeswidened."Really?Ithoughtallmenlovedit."

Heshookhishead."Ilikebaseball."

"Idon'tmindthat,"sheagreed."AtleastIunderstandtherules."Shesippedhercoffeeandstudiedhim
overtherimofthecup."Whatdoyoudo,Mr.Tremayne?"

"Harden,"hecorrected."Ibuyandsellcattle.MybrothersandIownaranchdowninJacobsville,
Texas."

"Howmanybrothersdoyouhave?"

"Three."Thequestionmadehimuncomfortable.Theyweren'treallyhisbrothers,theywerehishalf
brothers,buthedidn'twanttogetintospecificslikethat.Notnow.Heturnedhiswristandglancedat
histhingoldwatch."It'smidnight.We'dbettercallitaday.There'sasparebedroomthroughthere,"
heindicatedwithacarelesshand."Andalockonthedoor,ifitmakesyoufeelmoresecure."She
shookherhead,hergentleeyessearchinghishardface."I'mnotafraidofyou,"shesaidquietly.
"You'vebeenverykind.Ihopethatsomeday,someoneiskindtoyouwhenyouneedhelp."

Hispaleeyesnarrowed,glittered."I'mnotlikelytoneedit,andIdon'twantthanks.Gotobed,
Cinderella."

Shestoodup,feelinglost."Goodnight,then."

Heonlynodded,busycrushingouthiscigarette."Oh.Bytheway,youleftthisbehind."Hepulledher
tinypursefromhisjacketpocketandtossedittoher.Herpurse!Inherdesperateflight,she'd
forgottenallaboutit."Thankyou,"shesaid.

"Noproblem.Goodnight."Headdedthatlastbitveryfirmlyandshedidn'tstoptoargue.Shewent
quicklyintothebedroom—itwasalmostaslargeasthewholeofthelittlehouseshelivedin—and
shequietlyclosedthedoor.Shedidn'thaveanythingtosleepinexceptherslip,butthatwouldn't
matter.Shewastiredtodeath.

Itwasn'tuntilshewasalmostasleepthatsherememberednobodywouldknowwhereshewas.She
hadn'tcalledJoantocomeandgether,asshe'dpromisedSamshewould,andshehadn'tphonedher
brothertoleaveanymessage.Well,nobodywouldmissherforafewhours,shewassure.Sheclosed
hereyesandletherselfdriftofftosleep.Forthefirsttimesincetheaccident,shesleptsoundly,and

withoutnightmares.

ChapterTwo

Mirandaawokeslowly,thesunlightpouringinthroughthewispycurtainsanddriftingacrossher
sleepyface.Shestretchedlazilyandhereyesopened.Shefrowned.Shewasinastrangeroom.Shesat
upinhernylonslipandstaredaroundher,vaguelyawareofanaggingacheinherhead.Sheputa
handtoit,pushingbackherdisheveleddarkhairashermemorybegantofilterthroughherconfused
thoughts.

Shegotupquicklyandpulledherdressoverherhead,zippingitevenasshesteppedintohershoes
andlookedaroundforherpurse.Theclockonthebedsidetablesaideighto'clockandshewasdueat
workinthirtyminutes.Shegroaned.She'dnevermakeit.Shehadtogetacabandgetbacktoher
apartment,changeandfixhermakeup—shewasgoingtobelate!

SheopenedthedoorandexplodedintothesittingroomtofindHardeninjeansandayellowdesigner
T-shirt,justliftingthelidoffwhatsmelledlikebaconandeggs.

"Justintime,"hemused,glancingather."Sitdownandhavesomethingtoeat."

"Oh,Ican't,"shewailed."Ihavetobeatworkateight-thirty,andIstillhavetogettomyapartment
andchange,andlookatme!Peoplewillstare...!"

Hecalmlyliftedthetelephonereceiverandhandedittoher."Callyourofficeandtellthemyou'vegot
aheadacheandyouwon'tbeinuntilnoon."

"They'llfireme!"shewailed.

"Theywon't.Dial!"

Shedid,automatically.Hehadthatkindofabrasivemasculinitythatseemedtodominatewithout
consciouseffort,andsherespondedtoitassheimaginedmostotherpeopledid.ShegotDeeatthe
officeandexplainedtheheadache.Deelaughed,murmuringsomethingabouttherebeingalotof
tardinessthatmorningbecauseoftheofficepartythenightbefore.They'dexpectheratnoon,she
addedandhungup.

"Nobodywassurprised,"shesaid,staringblanklyatthephone.

"Officepartieswreakhavoc,"heagreed."Callyourbrothersohewon'tworryaboutyou."She
hesitated.

"Somethingwrong?"heasked.

"WhatdoItellhim?"sheaskedworriedly,nibblingherlowerlip."'Hi,Sam,I'vejustspentthenight
withatotalstranger'?"

Hechuckledsoftly."Thatwasn'twhatIhadinmind."

Sheshookherhead."I'llthinkofsomethingasIgo."ShedialedSam'shomenumberandgothim

insteadofJoan."Sam?"

"Wherethedevilareyou?"herbrotherraged.

"I'mattheCarltonArms,"shesaid."Look,I'mlateforworkandit'salongstory.I'lltellyou
everythinglater,Ipromise..."

"You'lldamnedwelltellmeeverythingnow!"

Hardenheldouthishandandsheputthephoneintoit,awareofthemocking,amusedlookonhis
hardface.

Shemovedtowardthebreakfasttrolley,absentlyawareoftheabrupt,quietexplanationhewasgiving
herbrother.Shewonderedifhewasalwayssocoolandincontrol,andreasonedthatheprobably
was.Sheliftedthelidoffoneofthedishesandsniffedthedeliciousbacon.He'dorderedbreakfastfor
two,andshewasawareofaneedlinghunger.

"Hewantstotalktoyou,"Hardensaid,holdingoutthephone.

Shetookit."Sam?"shebeganhesitantly.

"It'sallright,"hereplied,pacified."You'reapparentlyingoodhands.Justpureluck,ofcourse,"he
addedangrily."Youcan'tpullastuntlikethatagain.I'llhaveaheartattack."

"Iwon't.Ipromise,"shesaid."Nomoreofficeparties.I'moffthemforlife."

“Good.Callmetonight."

"Iwill.Bye."

ShehungupandsmiledatHarden."Thanks."

Heshrugged."Sitdownandeat.I'vegotaworkshopatelevenforthecattlemen'sconference.I'lldrop
youoffatyourplacefirst."

Shevaguelyrememberedthesignshe'dseenonthewayintothehotelaboutabeefproducersseminar.
"Isn'ttheconferencehere?"shestammered.

"Sure.ButI'lldropyouoffanyway."

"Idon'tknowquitehowtothankyou,"shebegan,hersilvereyessoftandshy.Hesearchedherface
foralong,longmomentbeforehewasabletodraghiseyesbacktohisplate."Idon'tcaremuchfor
women,Miranda,"hesaidtersely,"Socallthisamomentaryaberration.Butnexttime,don'tput
yourselfinthatkindofvulnerablesituation.Ididn'ttakeadvantage.Mostothermenwouldhave."

Sheknewthatalready.Shepouredherselfacupofcoffeefromthecarafe,dartingcuriousglancesat
him."Whydon'tyoulikewomen?"

Hisdarkeyebrowsclashedandhestaredatherwithhardeyes.

"Itwon'tdoanygoodtogloweratme,"shesaidgently."I'mnotintimidated.Won'tyoutellme?"

Helaughedwithouthumor."Bravethismorning,aren'twe?"

"I'msober,"shereplied."Andyoushouldn'tcarrypeoplehomewithyouifyoudon'twantthemtoask
questions."

"I'llrememberthatnexttime,"heassuredherasheliftedhisfork.

"Why?"shepersisted.

"I'millegitimate."

Shedidn'tflinchorlookshocked.Shesippedhercoffee."Yourmotherwasn'tmarriedtoyourfather."
Shenodded.

Hescowled."MymotherhadaflamingaffairandIwastheresult.Herhusbandtookherback.Ihave
threebrotherswhoareherhusband'schildren.I'mnot."

"Wasyourstepfathercrueltoyou?"sheaskedgently.

Heshiftedrestlessly."No,"hesaidreluctantly.

"Wereyoutreateddifferentlyfromtheotherboys?"

"No.Look,"hesaidirritably,"whydon'tyoueatyourbreakfast?"

"Doesn'tyourmotherloveyou?"

"Yes,mymotherlovesme!"

"Noneedtoshout,Mr.Tremayne."Shegrimaced,holdingoneear."Ihaveperfecthearing."

"Whatbusinessofyoursismylife?"hedemanded.

"Yousavedmine,"sheremindedhim."Nowyou'reresponsibleformefortherestofyours."

"Iamnot,"hesaidicily.

Shewonderedatherowncourage,becausehelookedmuchmoreintimidatinginthelightthanhehad
thenightbefore.Hemadeherfeelaliveandsafeandcosseted.Ordinarilyshewasaspirited,
independentwoman,butthetraumaoftheaccidentandthelossofthebabyhadwrungthespiritoutof
her.Nowitwasbeginningtocomeback.Allbecauseofthistall,angrystrangerwho'djerkedher
fromwhathe'dthoughtwerethewaitingjawsofdeath.Actuallyjumpinghadbeentheverylastthing
inhermindonthatbridgelastnight.Ithadbeennauseathathadherhangingoverit,butithadpassed
bythetimehereachedher.

"Areyoualwayssohardtogetalongwith?"sheaskedpleasantly.Hispaleblueeyesnarrowed.Of
coursehewas,buthedidn'tlikehearingitfromher.Sheconfusedhim.Heturnedbacktohisfood.

"You'dbettereat."

"ThesoonerIfinish,thesoonerI'moutofyourhair?"shemused.

"Right."

Sheshruggedandfinishedherbreakfast,washingitdownwiththelastofhercoffee.Shedidn'twant
togo.Odd,whenhewassoobviouslyimpatienttoberidofher.Hewaslikeasecurityblanketthat
she'djustfound,andalreadyshewaslosingit.Hegaveherpeace,madeherfeelwholeagain.The
thoughtofbeingwithouthimmadeherpanicky.

Hardenwasfeelingsomethingsimilar.He,who'dswornthatneveragainwouldhegivehisheart,was
experiencingaprotectiveinstincthehadn'tbeenawarehehad.Hedidn'tunderstandwhatwas
happeningtohim.Hedidn'tlikeit,either.

"Ifyou'refinished,we'llgo,"hesaidtersely,risingtodigintohispocketforhiscarkeys.Sheleftthe
lastsipofcoffeeintheimmaculatechinacupandgottoherfeet,retrievinghersmallpursefromthe
couch.Sheprobablylookedlikeashipwrecksurvivor,shethoughtasshefollowedhimtothedoor,
andGodknewwhatpeoplewouldthinkwhentheysawhercomedownstairsintheclothesshe'dworn
thenightbefore.Howridiculous,shechidedherself.They'dthinktheobviousthing,ofcourse.That
she'dsleptwithhim.Sheflushedastheywentdownintheelevator,hopingthathewouldn'tseethe
expressiononherface.

Hedidn't.Hewasmuchtoobusycursinghimselfforbeinginthatbarthenightbefore.Theelevator
stoppedandhestoodasidetoletherout.

ItwasunfortunatethathisbrotherEvanhaddecidedtoflyupearlyfortheworkshopHardenwas
conductingonnewbeefproductionmethods.ItwasevenmoreunfortunatethatEvanshouldbe
standinginfrontoftheelevatorwhenHardenandMirandagotoffit.

"Oh,God,"Hardengroundout.

Evan'sbrowneyebrowswentstraightupandhisdarkeyesthreatenedtopop."Harden?"heasked,
leaningforwardasifhewasn'treallysurethatthiswashishalfbrother.Harden'sblueeyesnarrowed
threateningly,andadarkflushspreadoverhischeekbones.InstinctivelyhetookMiranda'sarm.

"Excuseme.We'relate,"hetoldEvan,hiseyesthreateningallkindsofretribution.Evangrinned,
whiteteethinaswarthyfaceflashingmischievously."Youaren'tgoingtointroduceme?"heasked.

“I’mMirandaWarren,"Mirandasaidgently,smilingathimoverHarden'sarm.

"I'mEvanTremayne,"hereplied."Nicetomeetyou."

"Gohome,"HardentoldEvancurtly.

"Iwillnot,"Evansaidindignantly,toweringoverbothofthem."Icametohearyoutellpeoplehowto
makemoremoneyraisingbeef."

"Youheardmeatthesuppertablelastmonth—justbeforeyouvolunteeredmeforthisdamned

workshop!"heremindedtheotherman."WhydidyouhavetocometoChicagotohearitagain?"

"IlikeChicago."Hepursedhislips,smilingappreciativelyatMiranda."Lotsofprettygirlsuphere."

"Thisoneisoff-limits,sogoaway,"Hardentoldhim.

"Hehateswomen,"EvantoldMiranda."Hedoesn'tevengoondatesbackhome.Whatdidyoudo,if
youdon'tmindsaying?Imean,youdidn'tdrughimorhithimwithsomezombiespell...?"Miranda
shiftedclosertoHardeninvoluntarilyandslidashyhandintohis.Evan'sknowinglookmadeherfeel
self-consciousandembarrassed."Actually—"shebeganreluctantly.Hardencutheroff."Shehada
smallproblemlastnight,andIrescuedher.NowI'mtakingherhome,"hesaid,daringhisbrotherto
askanotherquestion."I'llseeyouattheworkshop."

"You'reallright?"EvanaskedMiranda,withsincereconcern.

"Yes."Sheforcedasmile."I'vebeenalotoftroubletoMr.Tremayne.I...reallydohavetogo."Harden
lockedhisfingerscloserintohersandwalkedpastEvanwithoutanotherword.

"Yourbrotherisverybig,isn'the?"Mirahdaasked,tinglingalloveratthedeliciouscontactwith
Harden'sstrongfingers.Shewonderedifhewasevenawareofholdingherhandsotightly.

"Evan'sagiant,"heagreed."Thebiggestofusall.Shortontact,sometimes."

"Lookwho'stalking,"shecouldn'tresistreplying.

Heglareddownatherandtightenedhisfingers."Watchit."Shesmiled,sighingastheyreachedhis
carinthegarage."Idon'tguessI'llseeyouagain?"sheasked.

"Notmuchreasonto,ifyoudon'ttryjumpingoffbridgesanymore,"hereplied,puttingupacool
front.Actuallyhedidn'tlikethethoughtofnotseeingheragain.Butshewasmourningahusbandand
babyandhedidn'twantinvolvement.Itwouldbeforthebestifhedidn'tstartanything.Hewasstill
wearingthescarsfromtheonetimehe'dbecometotallyinvolved.

"Ihadtoomuchtodrink,"shesaidafterhe'dputherintheluxurycarhe'drentedattheairporttheday
beforeandclimbedinbesidehertostarttheengine."Idon'tdrinkasarule.Thatlastpinacoladawas
fatal."

"Almostliterally,"heagreed,glancingatherirritably."Findsomethingtooccupyyourmind.Itwill
helpgetyouthroughtheroughtimes."

"Iknow."Shelookeddownatherlap."IguessyourbrotherthinksIsleptwithyou."

"Doesitmatterwhatpeoplethink?"

Shelookedoverathim."Nottoyou,Iexpect.ButI'mdisgustinglyconventional.Idon'teven
jaywalk."

"I'llsquareitwithEvan."

"Thankyou."Shetwistedherpurseandstaredoutthewindow,hersadeyesshadowed.

"Howlonghasitbeen?"

Shesighedsoftly."Almostamonth.Ishouldbeusedtoitbynow,shouldn'tI?"

"Ittakesayear,theysay,tocompletelygetoveraloss.Weallmournedmystepfatherforatleastthat
long."

"YournameisTremayne,likeyourbrother's."

"Andyouwonderwhy?Mystepfatherlegallyadoptedme.Onlyaveryfewpeopleknowaboutmy
background.Itisn'tobviousuntilyouseemenexttomyhalfbrothers.They'realldark-eyed."

"Mymotherwasaredheadwithgreeneyesandmyfatherwasblondandblue-eyed,"sheremarked.
"I'mdark-hairedandgray-eyed,andeverybodythoughtIwasadopted."

"Youaren't?"

Shesmiled."I'mtheimageofmymother'smother.Shewaspretty,ofcourse..."

"Whatdoyouthinkyouare,theWitchofEn-dor?"heaskedonahardlaugh.Heglancedatherwhile
theystoppedforatrafficlight."MyGod,you'redevastating.Didn'tanyoneevertellyou?""Well,no,"
shestammered.

"Notevenyourhusband?"

"Helikedfairwomenwithvoluptuousfigures,"sheblurtedout.

"Thenheshouldhavemarriedone,"hesaidshortly."There'snothingwrongwithyou."

"I'mflatchested,"shesaidwithoutthinking.Whichwasamistake,becauseheimmediatelyglanced
downatherbodicewitharaisedeyebrowthatspokevolumes."Somebodyoughttotellyouthatmen
havevariedtastesinwomen.Thereareafewwhopreferwomenwithoutmassive...bosoms,"he
murmuredwhenhesawherexpression."Andyouaren'tflat-chested."Sheswallowed.Hemadeher
feelnaked.Shefoldedherarmsoverherchestandstaredoutthewindowagain.

"Howlongwereyoumarried?"heasked."Well...fourmonths,"sheconfessed."Happily?"

"Idon'tknow.Heseemedsodifferentbeforewemarried.AndthenIgotpregnantandhewasfurious.
ButIwantedababysobadly."Shehadtotakeabreathbeforeshecouldgoon."I'mtwentyfive.He
wasthefirstmanwhoeverproposedtome."

"Ican'tbelievethat."

"Well,Ididn'talwayslooklikethis,"shesaid."I'mnearsighted.Iwearcontactlensesnow.Itooka
modelingcourseandlearnedhowtomakethemostofwhatIhad.Iguessitworked,becauseImet
TimatthecourthousewhileIwasresearchingandheaskedmeoutthatsamenight.Weonlywent
togethertwoweeksbeforewegotmarried.Ididn'tknowhim,Iguess."

"Washeyourfirstman?"

Shegasped."You'reveryblunt!"

"Youknowthatalready."Helitacigarettewhilehedrove."Answerme."

"Yes,"shemuttered,glaringathim."Butit'snoneofyourbusiness."

"Anyparticularreasonwhyyouwaiteduntilmarriage?"

Theglaregotworse."I'mold-fashionedandIgotochurch!"Hesmiled.Itwasagenuinesmile,for
once,too."SodoI."

"You?"

"Neverjudgeabookbyitscover,"hemurmured.Hispaleeyesglancedsidewaysandhelaughed.

Sheshookherhead."Miracleshappeneveryday,theysay."

"Thanksalot."Hestoppedatanotherredlight."Whichwayfromhere?"Shegavehimdirectionsand
minuteslater,hepulledupinfrontofthesmallapartmenthousewhereshelived.Itwasinafairlyold
neighborhood,butnotabadone.Thehousewasn'tfancy,butitwascleanandthesmallyardhad
flowers.

"Therearejustthreeapartments,"shesaid."Oneupstairsandtwodownstairs.Iplantedtheflowers.
ThisiswhereIlivedbeforeImarriedTim.Whenhe...died,SamandJoaninsistedthatIstaywith
them.It'sstillhardtogointhere.Ididastupidthingandboughtbabyfurniture—"Shestopped,
swallowinghard.

Hecutofftheengineandgotout,openingthedoor."Comeon.I'llgoinwithyou."Hetookherarm
andguidedhertothedoor,waitingimpatientlywhilesheunlockedit."Doyouhavealandladyor
landlord?"

"Absentee,"shetoldhim."AndIdon'thaveamoralsclause,"sheadded,indicatinghereveninggown.
"Goodthing,Iguess."

"Youaren'tafallenwoman,"heremindedher.

"Iknow."Sheunlockedthedoorandlethimin.Theapartmentwasjustasshe'dleftit,neatandclean.
Buttherewasabassinetinonecornerofthebedroomandaplaypeninitsboxstillsittingagainstthe
dividingcounterbetweenthekitchenandthediningroom.Shefoughtdownasob.

"Comehere,littleone,"hesaidgently,andpulledherintohisarms.Shewasrigidatfirst,untilher
bodyadjustedtobeingheld,tothestrengthand.scentofhim.Hewasverystrong.Shecouldfeelthe
hardpressofmuscleagainstherbreastsandherlonglegs.Heprobablydidalotofphysicalwork
aroundhisranch,becausehewascertainlyfit.Buthisstrengthwasn'taffectinghernearlyasmuchas
thefeelofhisbig,leanhandsagainstherback,andthewarmthofhisarmsaroundher.Hesmelledof
deliciousmasculinecologneandtobacco,andherlowerbodyfeltlikemoltenliquidallofasudden.

Hisfingersmovedintothehairathernapeandtheirtipsgentlymassagedherscalp.Shefelthiswarm
breathathertemplewhileheheldher.

Tearsrolleddownhercheeks.Shehadn'treallycriedsincetheaccident.Shemadeupforitnow,
pressingclosetohiminnocentlyforcomfort.

Butthemovementhadanunexpectedconsequence,andshefeltitagainstherbelly.Shestiffenedand
movedherhipsdemurelybackfromhiswithwhatshehopedwassubtlety.Allthesame,herface
flamedwithembarrassment.Fourbriefmonthsofmarriagehadn'tloosenedmanyofherinhibitions.

Hardenfeltequallyuncomfortable.Hisbloodhadcooledsomewhatwithage,andhedidn'thavemuch
todowithwomen.HisreactiontoMirandashockedandembarrassedhim.Herreactiononlymadeit
worse,becausewhenheliftedhishead,hecouldseethescarletblushonherface.

"Thanksagainforlookingaftermelastnight,"shesaidtoeasethepainfulsilence.Herhandsslid
aroundtohisbroadchestandrestedtherewhileshelookedupintopale,quieteyesinafacelike
stone.

"Iwon'tseeyouagain?"sheasked.

Heshookhishead."Itwouldn'tbewise."

"Isupposenot."Shereacheduphesitantlyand

touchedhisbeautifulmouth,herfingertipslingeringonthefull,widelowerlip."Thankyouformy
life,"shesaidsoftly."I'lltakebettercareofitfromnowon."

"Seethatyoudo."Hecaughtherfingers."Don'tdothat,"hesaidirritably,lettingherhandfalltoher
side.Hemovedback,awayfromher."Ihavetogo."

"Yes,well,Iwon'tkeepyou,"shemanaged,embarrassedalloveragain.Shehadn'tmeanttobeso
forward,butshe'dneverfeltassecurewithanyonebefore.Itamazedherthatsuchasweeping
emotionwouldn'tbemutual.Buthedidn'tlookasifheevenlikedher,muchlesswasaffectedbyher.
Exceptforthatonetelltalesign...

Shewentwithhimtothedoorandstoodframedintheopeningwhenhewentoutontotheporch.

Heturned,hiseyesnarrowandangryashegazeddownather.Shelookedvulnerableandsadandso
alone.Heletoutaharshbreath.

"I'llbeallright,youknow,"shesaidwithfalsepride.

"Willyou?"Hemovedcloser,hisstancearrogant,hiseyeshotwithfeeling.Hisbodythrobbedashe
lookedather.Hisgazeslidtohermouthandhecouldn'thelphimself.Hewantedituntilitwasan
obsession.Reluctantlyhecaughtthebackofherneckinhisleanhandandtiltedherfaceashebent
towardher.

Herheartranwild.She'dwantedhiskisssomuch,anditwashappening."Harden,"shewhispered
helplessly.

"Thisisstupid,"hebreathed,buthismouthwasalreadyonhersevenashesaidit,thewordsgoing
pastherpartedlipsalongwithhissmokybreath.

Shedidn'tevenhesitate.She-slidherarmsuparoundhisneckandlockedherhandsbehindhishead,
liftingherselfclosertohishard,roughmouth.Shemoanedfaintly,becausethepassionhekindledin
herwassomethingshe'dneverfelt.Herlegstrembledagainsthisandshefelttheshudderthatbuffeted
himashisbodyreactedhelplesslytoherresponse.

Hefeltitandmovedback.Hedraggedhismouthawayfromhers,breathingroughlyashelooked
downintoherdazedeyes."ForGod'ssake!"hegroaned.Hepushedherbackintotheapartmentand
followedher,elbowingthedoorshutbeforehereachedforheragain.

Hewasn'tevenlucid.Heknewhewasn't.Buthermouthwasthesweetesthoneyhe'devertasted,and
hedidn'tseemcapableofgivingitup.

Sheseemedequallyhelpless.Herbodyclungtohis,hermouthprotestingwhenhestartedtolifthis.
Hesighedsoftly,givingintoherhunger,hismouthgentlingasthekissgrewlonger,moreinsistent.
Hetoyedwithherlips,teasingthemintopartingforhimbeforehistongueeasedgentlypastherteeth.

Hefelthergaspevenasheheardit.Hishandsmoothedhercheek,histhumbtenderlytouchingthe
cornerofhermouthwhilehislipsbrushedit,calming

her.Shetrembled.Hepersisteduntilshefinallygavein,allatonce,hersoftbodyalmostcollapsing
againsthim.Histonguepushedcompletelyintohermouthandsheshiveredwithpassion.Theslow,
rhythmicthrustofhistonguewassosuggestive,soblatantlysexual,thatitcompletelydisarmedher.
Shehadn'texpectedthisfromamanshe'donlymetthedaybefore.Shehadn'texpectedherheadlong
reactiontohim,either.Shecouldn'tseemtoletgo,todrawback,toprotestthisfierceintimacy.

Shemoaned.Thesoundpenetratedhismind,arousedhimevenmore.Hefeltherlegstrembling
againsthisblatantarousal,andheforcedhismouthtolift,hishandstoclaspherwaistandholdher
roughlyawayfromhimwhilehefoughtforcontrolofhissenses.

Herfacewasflushed,hereyeshalfclosed,drowsywithpleasure.Hersoftmouthwasswollen,still
lifted,willing,waiting.

Heshookhergently."Stopit,"hesaidhuskily."OrI'llhaveyourighthere,standingup."Shestaredup
athimonlyhalfcomprehending,herbreathjerkingoutofhertightthroat,herheartslammingather
ribs."What...happened?"shewhispered.Heletgoofherandsteppedback,hisfacerigidwith
unsatisfieddesire.Hischestheavedwiththeforceofhisbreathing."Godknows,"hesaidtersely.

"I've...I'venever..."shebegan,flusteredwithembarrassment.

“Oh,hell,I've'never,'either,"hesaidirritably."Notlikethat."Hehadtofightforbreath.Hestaredat
her,fascinated."Thatcan'thappenagain.Ever."Sheswallowed.She'dknownthat,too,buttherehad
beenatinyhopethatthiswasthebeginningofsomething.Impossible,ofcourse.Shewasawidowof
barelyonemonth,withemotionalscarsfromthelossofherhusbandandchild,andhewasaman
whoobviouslydidn'twanttogetinvolved.Wrongtime,wrongplace,shethoughtsadly,and
wonderedhowshewasgoingtocopewiththisnewhurt."Yes.Iknow,"shesaidfinally.

"Goodbye,Miranda."

Hereyeslockedwithhis."Goodbye,Harden."

Heturnedwithcoldreluctanceandopenedthedooragain.Hecouldstilltasteheronhismouth,and
hisbodywastautwitharousal.Hepausedwiththedoorknobinhishand.Hecouldn'tmakehimself
turnit.Hisspinestraightened.

"It'stoosoonforyou."

"I...supposeso."

Therehadbeenadefinitehesitationthere.Heturnedandlookedather,hiseyesintent,searching.

"You'reacitygirl."

Thatwasn'tquitetrue,butheobviouslywantedtobelieveit."Yes,"shesaid.Hetookaslow,steadying
breath,lettinghiseyesrundownherbodybeforehedraggedthembackuptoherface.

"Wrongtime,wrongplace,"hesaidhuskily.

Shenodded."Yes.Iwasthinkingthat,too."

Soshewasalreadyreadinghismind.Thiswasonedangerouswoman.Itwasagoodthingthatthe
timingwaswrong.Shecouldhavetiedhimuplikeatrussedturkey.Hisgazefelltoherflatbellyand
ittookallhiswillpowernottothinkwhatsprangtohismind.He'dneverwantedachild.Before.

"I'llbelatefortheworkshop.Andyou'llbelateforwork.Takecareofyourself,"hesaid.Shesmiled
gently."You,too.Thankyou,Harden."

Hisbroadshouldersroseandfell."I'dhavedonethesameforanyone,"hesaid,almostdefensively.

"Iknowthat,too.Solong."

Heopenedthedoorthistimeandwentthroughit,withouthastebutwithoutlingering.Whenhewas
backinthecar,heforcedhimselftoignorethewayitwoundedhimtoleavehertherealonewithher
painfulmemories.

ChapterThree

EvanwaswaitingforHardentheminutehewalkedintothehotel.Hardengloweredathim,butit
didn'tslowtheothermandown.

"It'snotmyfault,"Evansaidastheywalkedtowardtheconferenceroomswheretheworkshopwasto
beheld."Avenomouswomanhaterwhocomesdownstairswithawomaninaneveninggownat
eight-thirtyinthemorningisboundtoattractunwantedattention.”

"Nodoubt."Hardenkeptwalking.

Evansighedheavily,"Youneverdateanybody.You'reforeveronthejob.MyGod,justseeingyou
withawomanisextraordinary.Tellmehowyoumether."

"Shewasleaningoffabridge.Istoppedher."

"And...?"

Hardenshrugged."Iletherusethespareroomuntilshesoberedup.ThismorningItookherhome.
Endofstory."

Evanthrewuphishands."Willyoutalktome?Whywasagorgeousgirllikethatjumpingoffa
bridge?"

"Shelostherhusbandandababyinacaraccident,"hereplied.Evanstopped,hiseyesquietand
somber."I'msorry.She'sstillhealing,isthatit?"

"Inanutshell."

"Soitwasjustcompassionthen."Evanshookhisheadandstuckhisbighandsintohispockets.

"Imighthaveknown."Heglancedathishalfbrothernarrowly."Ifyou'dgetmarried,Imighthavea
chanceofgettingmyowngirl.Theyallwalkovermetryingtogettoyou.Andyoucan'tstand
women."Hebrightened."Maybethat'sthesecret.MaybeifIpretendtohatethem,they'llclimball
overme!"

"Whydon'tyoutrythat?"Hardenagreed.

"Ihave.Itscaredthelastoneoff.Nogreatloss.Shehadtwocatsandahamster.I'mallergictofur."

Hardenlaughedshortly."Sowe'veallnoticed."

"IhadacallfromMotherearlier."

Harden'sfacefroze."Didyou?"

"Iwishyouwouldn'tdothat,"hisbrothersaid."She'spaidenoughforwhatshedid,Harden.Youjust
don'tunderstandhowitistobeobsessivelyinlove.Maybethat'swhyyou'veneverforgivenher."

EvanhadbeenawayatcollegeduringtheworstmonthsofHarden'slife.NeitherHardennor
TheodorahadevertoldhimmuchaboutthetragedythathadturnedHardencold."Loveisforidiots,"
Hardensaid,refusingtolethimselfremember.Hepausedtolightacigarette,hisfingerssteadyand
sure."Iwantnopartofit."

"Toobad,"Evanreplied."Itmightlimberyouupabit."

"Notmuchhopeofthat,atmyage."Heblewoutacloudofsmoke,partofhismindstillonMiranda
andthewayithadfelttokissher.Heturnedtowardtheconferenceroom."Istilldon'tunderstandwhy
youcameuphere."

"TogetawayfromConnal,"hesaidshortly."MyGod,he'sdrivingmecrazy."Hardenliftedan
amusedeyebrow."Babyfever.OncePepigivesbirth,he'llbebacktonormal."

"Hepaces,hesmokes,heworriesaboutsomethinggoingwrong.Whatiftheydon'trecognizelabor
intime,whatifthecarwon'tstartwhenit'stimetogotothehospital!"Hethrewuphishands.

"It'senoughtoputamanofffatherhood."

Fatherhood.HardenrememberedlookinghungrilyatMiranda'swaistandwonderinghowitwould
feeltofatherachild.Incrediblethought,andhe'dneverhaditbeforeinhislife,notevenwiththeone
womanhe'dlovedbeyondbearing...orthoughthe'dloved.Hescowled.Hehadalotofnewthoughts
andfeelingswithMiranda.Thiswouldn'tdo.Theywerestrangers.HelivedinTexas,shelivedin
Illinois.Therewasnofutureinit,evenifshewasn'tstillinmourning.Hehadtobitebackagroan.

"Something'seatingyouup,"Evansaidperceptively,narrowingonedarkeye."Younevertalkabout
thingsthatbotheryou."

"What'stheuse?Theywon'tgoaway."

"No,butbringingthemoutinthelighthelpstogetthemintoperspective."Hepursedhislips.

"It'sthatwoman,isn'tit?Yousavedher,nowyoufeelresponsibleforher."Hardenwhirled,hispale
blueeyesglaringfuriouslyattheotherman.Evanheldupbothhands,grinning."Okay,Igetthe
message.Shewasadish,though.Youmighttryyourluck.DonaldandConnalandIcantalkyou
throughadate...andtheotherthingsyoudon'tknowabout."

Hardensighed."Willyoustop?"

"It'snocrimetobeinnocent,evenifyouareaman,"Evancontinued."Weallknowyouthoughtabout
becomingaminister."

Hardenjustshookhisheadandkeptwalking.SurelytoGod,Evanwasacase.Thatassumption
irritatedhim,buthewouldn'tlowerhimselfenoughtodenyit.

"Nocomment?"Evanasked.

"Nocomment,"Hardensaidpleasantly."Let'sgo.Thecrowd'salreadygathering."DespiteHarden's
preoccupationwithMiranda,theworkshopwentwell.Hehadadrywit,whichheusedtohis
advantagetokeeptheaudience'sattentionwhilehelecturedonthecombinationsofmaternaland
carcassbreedsthathadbeensosuccessfulbackhome.Profitwasthebottomlineinanycattle
operation,andthestrainshewasusinginalimitedcrossbreedinghadproventhemselvesfinancially.

Buthispositiononhormoneimplantswasn'tpopular,andhadresultedinsomehotexchangeswith
othercattlemen.CattleattheTremayneranchweren'timplanted,andHardenwasferventlyagainstthe
artificialmeansofbeefgrowth.

"Damnit,it'slikeusingsteroidsonahuman,"hearguedwiththeoldercattleman."Andwestilldon't
knowthelong-rangeeffectsofconsumptionofimplantedcattleonhumanbeings!"

"You'retalkingahellofafinancialloss,allthesame!"theotherarguedhotly."Damnit,man,I'm
operatingintheredalready!Thoseimplantsyou'reagainstaretheonlythingkeepingmeinbusiness.
Moreweightmeansmoremoney.That'showitis!"

"Andwhataboutthecountriesthatwon'timportAmericanbeefbecauseoftheimplants?"Hardenshot
back."Whataboutmoralresponsibilityforwhatmayprovetobeadangerousandunwarrantedrisk
topublichealth?"

"We'realreadygettingheatforthepesticidesweuseleachingintothewatertable,"adeep,familiar
voiceinterrupted."AndIwon'tgointoenvironmentalistsclaiminggrazingisresponsibleforglobal
warmingortheanimalrightspeoplewhothinkbrandingourcattleiscruel,orthegovernment
bailingoutthedairyindustrybydumpingtheirtough,used-upcowsonthemarketwithourprime
beef!"

Thatdidit.BeforeHardencouldopenhismouth,hisworkshopwasshottohell.Hegaveuptryingto
callfororderandsatdowntodrinkhiscoffee.

Evansatbackdownbesidehim,grinning."Savedyourbeans,didn'tI,pard?"heasked.Harden
gesturedtowardthecrowd."Whatabouttheirs?"heasked,indicatingtwocattlemenwhowere
shovingeachotherandredintheface.

"Theirproblem,notmine.Ijustdidn'twanttohavetosaveyoufromalynchmob.Couldn'tyoubea
littlelessopinionated?"

Hardenshrugged."Notmyway."

"SoInoticed."Evanstoodup."Well,wemightaswellgoandeatlunch.Whenwecomebackwecan
worryabouthowtodisposeofthecarnage."Hegrimacedasablowwasstrucknearby.Hardenpursed
hislips,hisblueeyesnarrowingamusedly."Andleavejustwhenthingsaregettinginteresting?"

"No."Evanstoodinfrontofhim."Now,lookhere..."Itdidn'twork.Hardenwalkedaroundhimand
rightintoafuriousbigfist.Hereturnedthepunchwithahardlaughandwadedrightintothemelee.
Evansighed.HetookoffhisStetsonandhisjacket,rolledupthesleevesofhiswhitecottonshirtand
loosenedhistie.Therewassuchathingasfamilyunity.

Later,afterthepolicecameandspoiledallthefun,HardenandEvanhadaquietlunchintheirsuite
whiletheypatchedupthecuts.

"Wecouldhavebeenarrested,"Evanmutteredbetweenbitesofhissandwiches.

"Nokidding."Hardenswalloweddownthelastofhiscoffeeandpouredanothercupfromthecarafe.
Hehadabruiseononecheekandanother,withacut,loweronhisjaw.Evanhadfaredalmostas
badly.Ofcourse,thecompetitiondownstairslookedmuchworse.

"Youhadachangeofclothes,"Evanmuttered,brushingatbloodspotsonhiswhiteshirt."Ihaveto
flyhomelikethis."

"Thestewardesseswillbefascinatedbyyou.You'llprobablyhavetoturndowndatesalltheway
home."

Evanbrightened."Thinkso?"

"Youlookwoundedandmacho,"Hardenagreed."Aren'twomensupposedtolovethat?"

"I'mnotsure.Ilostmyperspectivewhentheystartedcarryinggunsandbodybuilding.Ithinktheideal
thesedaysisamanwhocancookanddohouseworkandlikesbaby-sitting."Heshuddered.

"Kidsscaremetodeath!"

"Theywouldn'tiftheywereyourown."

Evansighed,andhisdarkeyeshadafarawaylook."I'mtoooldtostartafamily."

"MyGod,you'rebarelythirty-four!"

"Anyway,I'dhavetogetmarriedfirst.Nobody.wantsme."

"Youscarewomen,"Hardenreplied."You'retheoriginalclown.Allsmilesandwit.Thensomething
upsetsyouandyouloseyourtemperandthrowsomebodyoverafence."

Evan'sdarkeyesnarrowed,therealmanshowingthroughthefacadeasherememberedwhathad
promptedthatincident"Thatyellow-belliedso-and-soputaquirttomynewfillyandbeatherbloody.
He'sdamnedluckyIdidn'tcatchhimuntilhegotoffthepropertyinhistruck."

"Anyofuswouldhavefeltthatway,"Hardenagreed."Butyou'renotexactlywhatyouseemtobe.I
mayscarepeople,butI'malwaysthesame.You'renot."Evandroppedhisgazetohiscoffee,thesmile
gone."IgotusedtofightingwhenIwasakid.Ihadtotakecareoftherestofyou,alwayspickingon
guystwiceyoursize."

"Iknow."Hardensmiledinvoluntarilyatthememories."Don'tthinkwedidn'tappreciateit,either."

Evanlookedup."ButonceIputamaninthehospital,remember?NeverrealizedI'dhithimthathard.
Ihaven'tlikedtofightsince."

"Thatwasanaccident,"Hardenremindedhim."Hefellthewrongwayandhithishead.Itcouldhave
happenedtoanyone."

"Iguess.Butmysizeencouragespeopletotryme.Funnything,itseemstointimidatewomen."He
shrugged."IguessI'llbeabachelorforlife."

Hardenopenedhismouthtocorrectthatimpression,butthephonerangandclaimedhisattention.

Hepickeditupandanswered,listeningwithanamusedface.

"Sure.I'llbedownintenminutes."

Hehungup."Imaginethat.Theywantmetodoanotherhour.Myaudiencehasbeenbraggingthatthis
wasthebestworkshopthey'deverattended.Notboring,yousee."Evanburstoutlaughing."Well,you

owethattome."

Hardenglaredathim."Youcanonlycomebackifyoupromisetokeepyourmouthshut."

"Bull.Youenjoyedit."Hestretchedhugely."Anyway,itgotyourmindoffthewoman,didn'tit?"
Hardenwasactuallylostforwords.Hejuststaredatthebiggerman.

"It'sthetiming,isn'tit?"Evanaskedseriously."She'snewlywidowedandyouthinkshe'stoo
susceptible.Butifshewasinthatkindofcondition,shesureashellneedssomeone."

"It'sstillthewrongtime,"herepliedquietly.

Evanshrugged."Noharminkeepingthedooropenuntilitistherighttime,isthere?"heaskedwitha
grin.

HardenthoughtaboutwhatEvanhadsaidfortherestoftheafternoon,evenaftertheothermanhad
caughthisflightbacktoJacobsville.No,therewouldn'treallybeanyharminkeepinghisdooropen.
Butwasitwhathewanted?AwomanlikeMirandawasn'tfitforranchlife,evenifhewentcrazyand
gotseriousabouther.ShewasacitygirlfromChicagowithaterribletragedytoputbehindher.He
wasalonerwhohatedcitylifeandwascarryingaroundhisownscars.Itwouldneverwork.Buthis
noblethoughtsdidn'tsparehisbodytheanguishofrememberinghowithadbeenwithMirandathat
morning,howfiercelyhisardorhadaffectedbothofthem.Allthatsilkysoftnessagainsthim,her
warm,sweetmouthbeggingforhis,herarmsholdingfast.Hegroanedaloudashepicturedthat
slenderbodynakedonwhitesheets.Asexplosiveasthepassionbetweenthemwas,anightwithher
wouldsurpasshiswildestdreamsofecstasy,heknewitwould.Itwasthethoughtofafterwardthat
disturbedhim.Hemightnotbeabletolethergo.Thatwaswhatstoppedhimwhenheplacedhishand
hesitantlyoverthetelephoneandthoughtaboutfindinghernumberinthedirectoryandcallingher.
Oncehe'dknownherintimately,wouldhebecapableofwalkingaway?Hestaredatthetelephonefor
alongtimebeforeheturnedawayfromitandwenttobed.No,hetoldhimself.He'dbeenrightinthe
firstplace.Thetimingwasallwrong,notonlyforMiranda,butforhimself.Hewasn'treadyforany
kindofcommitment.Mirandawasthinkingthesamething,backatherownapartmenthouse.Butshe
hadthenumberoftheCarltonArmsunderhernervousfingers.Shestaredatitwhileshesatonher
sofainthelonelyapartment,andshewantedsobadlytophone,toaskforHardenTremayne,to...To
what?sheaskedherself.Sheknewshe'dalreadybeenenoughtroubletohim.Butshe'djustfinished
givingherbabyfurnituretoacharitygroup,andshewassickanddepressed.Eventhoughshewasn't
inlovewithTimanymore,shegrievedforthechildshewascarrying.Itwouldhavebeenso
wonderfultohaveababyofherowntoloveandcarefor.

NoneofwhichwasHarden'sproblem.He'dbeenreluctantlykind,ashewouldhavebeentoanybody
introuble.He'dsaidasmuch.Butshewasrememberingthewaythey'dkissedeachother,andtheheat
ofpassionthatshe'dneverfeltwithanyoneelse.Itmadehersohungry.She'dexpectedloveand
foreverfrommarriage.She'dhadneither.Evensex,somysteriousandcomplicated,hadn'tbeenthe
wonderfulexperienceshe'dexpected.Ithadbeenpainfulatfirst,andthenjustunpleasant.Bellsdidn't
ringandtheearthdidn'tmove.Infact,shewasonlyjustabletoadmittoherselfthatshe'dneverfelt
anykindofphysicalattractiontoTim.She'dbrieflyimaginedherselfinlovewithhim,buthe'dbeena
strangerwhentheymarried.Asshelivedwithhim,shebegantoseetherealmanunderthebrash
outgoingreporter,anditwasapersonshedidn'tlikeverymuch.Hewasselfishanddemandingand
totallyinsensitive.

Hardendidn'tseemtobethatkindofmanatall.Hewascaring,evenifhewasscaryandcoldonthe
surface.Underneath,hewasasmolderingvolcanoofemotionandshewantedtodigdeeper,tosee
howconsumingafiretheycouldcreatetogether.Withhim,intimacywouldbeawondrousthing.She
knewit.Probablyhedid,too,buthewaskeepinghisdistancetonight.Eitherhewasn'tinterestedorhe
thoughtitwastoosoonafterherloss.

Hewasright.Itwastoosoon.Shecrumpledthepieceofpaperwhereshe'dwrittenthenumberofthe
hotel.Shewasstillgrievingandmuchtoovulnerableforaquickloveaffair,whichwasprobablyall
he'dbeabletoofferher.He'dsaidhewasalonerandhedidn'tseeminanyhurrytomarry.He'dbeen
alltooeagertogetawayfromher,infact.Sheputthepaperinthetrashcan.Itwasjustaswell.She'd
managedtogetthroughworktodaywithoutbreakingdown,andshe'dmanagetherestofherlifethe
sameway.Itwasn'treallyfairtoinvolveanotherpersoninthemesshermindwasin.Sheputonher
nightgownandclimbedunderthecovers.Finallysheslept.

ChapterFour

Hardensleptbadly.Whenhewoke,heonlyretainedimagesofthetorriddreamsthathadmadehimso
restless.ButavividpictureofMirandadancedinfrontofhiseyes.Hewasduetogohometoday.The
thought,sopleasantlyentertainedtwodaysbefore,wasunpalatabletoday.Texaswasalongwayfrom
Illinois.Heprobablywouldn'tseeMirandaagain.Hedraggedhimselfoutofbed,hitchingupthe
navy-bluepajamatrousersthathunglowonhisnarrowhips.Herubbedacarelesshandoverhis
broad,hair-mattedchestandstaredoutthewindow,scowling.Ridiculous,whathewasthinking.
Therewereresponsibilitiesathome,andhe'dalreadytoldhimselfhowimpossibleitwastoentertain
ideasabouther.

Impossible.Herepeatedthewordevenasheturnedandpickedupthetelephonedirectory.Hedidn't
knowMiranda'smaidenname,whichmadephoningherbrothertoaskwheresheworkedoutofthe
question.Hisonlychancewastocallherapartmentandcatchherbeforesheleft.HefoundTim
Warren'snameinthenewdirectoryanddialedthenumberbeforehecouldchangehismind.

Itrangonce.Twice.Threetimes.Heglancedathiswatchonthebedsidetable.Eighto'clock.Perhaps
she'dleftforwork.Itrangfourtimes.Thenfive.Withalongsigh,hestartedtohangitup.Maybeit
wasfate,hethoughtwithdisappointment.

Then,justasthereceiverstarteddown,hersoftvoicesaid,"Hello?"Hishandreversedinmidair.
"Miranda?"heaskedsoftly.Herbreathcaughtaudibly."Harden!"shecriedasifshecouldn'tbelieve
herears.

Hischestexpandedwithinvoluntarypleasure,becauseshe'drecognizedhisvoiceinstantly.

"Yes,"hereplied."Howareyou?"

Shesatdown,overcomewithexcitedpleasure."I'mbetter.Muchbetter,thankyou.Howareyou?"

"Bruised,"hemurmureddryly."Mybrotherhelpedmeintoafree-for-allattheworkshopyesterday."

"SomebodyinsultedTexas,"sheguessed.

"Notatall,"hereplied."Wewerediscussinghormoneimplantsandtheecologyatthetime."

"Really?"

Helaughedinspiteofhimself.“I’lltellyouallaboutitoverlunch."Shecaughtherbreath.Itwas
morethanshe'ddaredhopefor."Youwanttotakemetolunch?"sheaskedbreathlessly.

“Yes.”

"Oh,I’dlikethat,"shesaidsoftly.

Hedidn'twanttohavetoadmithowmuchhe'dlikeithimself.Heputonhiswatch."WhenshouldI
pickyouup?Andwhere?"

“Ateleven-thirty,"shesaid."Igoearlysothatwewon'tbealloutoftheofficeatthesametime.It'sin
theBrantbuilding.Threeblocksnorthofyourhotel."Shegavehimdirectionsandtheofficenumber.
"Canyoufindit?"

“I’llfindit."

Hehungupbeforeshehadtimetoreply.Thiswasstupid,hetoldhimself.Butallthesame,hehada
deliciousfeelingofanticipation.Hephonedtheranchtotellthemhewouldn'tbehomeforanother
dayortwo.

Hismother,Theodora,answeredthephone."Harden?"sheasked."Thecarwon'tstart."

“Didyouputitinparkbeforeyoutriedtostartit?"heaskedirritably.Therewasalongpause."Just
becauseIdidthatonce...!"shebegandefensively.

"Sixtimes."

"Whatever.Well,no,actually,Iguessit'sindrive."

"PutitinParkanditwillstart.IsDonaldback?"

"No,hewon'tbehomeuntilnextweek."

"ThentellEvanhe'llhavetomanage.I'mgoingtobedelayedforafewdays."Therewasanother
pause."Evan'sgotasplitlip."

"I'vegotablackeye.Sowhat?Youhavetoexpectalittlespiritwhenyougetaroomfulofcattlemen."

"Idowishyouwouldn'tencouragehimtogetintofights."

"ForGod'ssake,Theodora,hestartedit!"heraged.

"Can'tyouevercallmeMother?"sheaskedinanunconsciouslywistfultone.

"WillyougivethemessagetoEvan?"herepliedstiffly.Shesighed."Yes,I'lltellhim.Youwouldn't

liketoexplainwhat'sgoingonupthere,Isuppose?"

"There'snothingtotell."

"Isee.Idon'tknowwhyIkeephopingfortheimpossiblefromyou,Harden,"shesaiddully.

"WhenIknowfullwellthatyou'llneverforgiveme."

Hervoicewassad.Hefeltguiltywhenheheardthatnoteinhervoice.Theodorawasflighty,butshe
hadabigheartandasensitivespirit.Probablyhehurthereverytimehetalkedtoher.

"Evancanreachmehereatthehotelifheneedsme,"hesaid,refusingtogiveintotheimpulsetotalk
—toreallytalk—toher.

"Allright.Goodbye,Son."

Shehungupandhestaredatthereceiver,thedialtoneloudinhisears.He'dneveraskedherabouthis
father,orwhyshehadn'tthoughtofanabortionwhensheknewshewascarryinghim.Certainlyit
wouldhavemadeherlifeeasier.Hewonderedwhythatthoughtoccurredtohimnow.Heputdownthe
receiverandgotdressed.

Ateleven-thirtysharp,hewalkedintothelawofficewhereMirandaworked.Hewaswearingatan
suit,asubduedstripedtie,apearlyStetsonandhand-tooledleatherboots.Heimmediatelydrewthe
eyesofeverywomanintheoffice,andMirandagotupfromherdeskself-consciously.Shecouldn't
tearhereyesawayfromhim,either.

Inherneatred-patternedrayonskirtandwhiteblousewithatrendyscarfdrapedoveroneshoulder
shelookedpretty,too.Hardenglaredatherbecauseshepleasedhissenses.Thiswholethingwas
againsthiswill.Heshouldbeonhiswayhome,nothangingaroundherewitharecentlywidowed
woman.

Mirandafeltthreatenedbythedarkscowlonhisface.Helookedasifhe'dratherbeanywherebut
here,andshefeltalittleself-consciousherselfatwhatamountedtoadateonlyweeksaftershewas
widowed.Butitwasonlylunch,afterall.

"I'lljustgetmypurse,"shemurmurednervously.

"Icouldgowithyouandcarryit,"Janet,herco-worker,volunteeredinastagewhisper.Shegrinned
atHarden,buthehadeyesfornooneexceptMiranda.Hegavetheotheremployeealookthatcould
havefrozenfire.

"Thanks,anyway,"MirandamurmuredwhenJanetbegantoappearthreatened.Shegrabbedherpurse,
smiledhalfheartedlyattheotherwoman,andrushedoutthedoor.

"Doesyourfriendalwayscomeontomenlikethat?"heaskedasheclosedthedoorbehindher.

"Onlywhentheylooklikeyoudo,"shesaidshyly.

Hecockedaneyebrowandpulledhishatloweroverhiseyes."Idon'ttakeonewomanoutandflirt

withanotherone."

"I'mabsolutelysurethatJanetwon'tforgetthat,"sheassuredhim.Hetookherarmastheygotintothe
elevator."Whatdoyoufeellike?Hamburgers,fish,barbecue,orChinese?"

"IlikeChinese,"shesaidatonce.

"SodoI."HepushedtheDownbuttonandstaredatherfromhisloungingpostureagainstthewallas
itbegantomove.Herhairwasdoneinsomecomplicatedplaitdownherback,butitsuitedher.Sodid
thedanglysilverearringsshewaswearing.Hiseyessliddowntothedaintystrappyhighheelsonher
prettyfeetandbackupagain.

"WillIdo?"sheaskeduncertainly.

"Oh,you'lldo,"heagreedquietly.Hiseyesnarrowedwithfaintangerwhilehesearchedhers.

"I'msupposedtobeonaoneo'clockflighthome."

Sheswallowed."Areyou?"sheasked,andherfacefell.

Henoticedherdisappointment.Ithadtomeanthatshewasasfascinatedbyhimashewasbyher,butit
didn'tdomuchforhisconscience.Thiswasallwrong.

"Doyouhavetimetotakemetolunch?"sheaskedworriedly.

"Icanceledtheflight,"hesaidthen.Hedidn'taddthathehadn'tyetdecidedwhenhewasgoinghome.
Hedidn'twanttoadmithowdrawnhewastoher.

Hersilvereyeswentmoltenastheymethisandshecouldn'thideherpleasure.

Thatmadeitworse,somehow."It'sinsane!"hesaidroughly."Wrongtime,wrongplace."

"Thenwhyaren'tyouleavingtown?"sheasked.

"Whydidn'tyousaynowhenIaskedyououttolunch?"heshotrightback.Shefelt,andlooked,
uncertain."Icouldn't,"sherepliedhesitantly."I...wantedtobewithyou."Henodded."That'swhyI'm
here,"hesaid.

Theelevatorstoppedwhiletheywerestaringateachother.Hispaleblueeyesglittered,buthedidn't
makeamovetowardher,eventhoughitwaskillinghimtokeepthedistancebetweenthem.Thedoors
openedandheescortedheroutthefrontdoor,hisfingershardonherupperarm,feelingthethinness
throughtheblouse.

"You'velostweight,haven'tyou?"heaskedastheywalkeddownthecrowdedstreettowardthe
Chineserestauranthe'dseenonthewaytoherbuilding.

"Alittle.I'vealwaysbeenthin."

AsmallgroupofpeoplecamerushingpastthemandknockedagainstMiranda.Evenasshelosther

footing,Harden'sarmwasaroundher,pressingheragainsthim.

"Okay?"heaskedsoftly,hiseyeswatchful,concerned.

Shecouldn'tlookawayfromhim.Hehypnotizedher."Yes.I'mfine,thanks."Hisfingerscontracted
onherwaist.Shewaswrappingsilkenbondsaroundhim.Hedidn'tknowifhelikedit,buthecouldn't
quiteresisther.

Herhearthammeredcrazily.Helookedodd;totallyoutofhumor,butfascinatedatthesametime.

Infact,hewas.Hisownhelplessnessirritatedhim.

Neitherofthemmoved,andhealmostgroanedoutloudasheforcedhimselftoturnandwalkon
downthestreet.

Mirandafeltthestrengthinhispowerfulbodyandfeltguiltyfornoticingit,forreactingtoit.She
walkedbesidehimquietly,herthoughtstormentingher.

Therestaurantwasn'tcrowded.Mirandasettledontheday'sspecial,whileHardenindulgedhis
passionforsweet-and-sourpork.Whenhereachedforthehotmustardsauceforhiseggroll,she
shuddered.

"Youaren'treallygoingtodothat,areyou?"sheasked."Youmightvanishinapuffofsmoke.
Haven'tyoueverheardofspontaneouscombustion?"

"IlikeTabascosauceonmychili,"heinformedher,heapingthesauceontheeggroll."Ihaven'thad
tastebudssince1975."

"Istillcan'twatch."

Hesmiled."Suityourself."

Heatetheeggrollwithevidentenjoymentwhileshesippedmorehottea.Whenhefinishedshestared
athimopenly.

"I'mwaitingforyoutoexplode,"sheexplainedwhenhiseyebrowsliftedinaquestion.“Ithinkthat
stuffisreallyrocketfuel."

Hechuckled.Ithadbeenalongtimesincehe'dfeltlikelaughing.ItsurprisedhimthatMirandawas
thecatalyst,withallthegriefshe'dsufferedsorecently.Hesearchedhereyescuriouslyasanew
thoughtoccurredtohim.

"Youforgetwhenyou'rewithme,don'tyou?"heasked."That'swhyyoucamebacktothehotelnight
beforelastinsteadofinsistingthatItakeyouhome."Shestaredathim.Finallyshenodded."Istop
broodingwhenI'maroundyou.Idon'tunderstandwhy,really,"sheaddedwithaquietsigh."Butyou
makeitallgoaway."Hedidn'treply.Hestareddownathiscupwitheyesthathardlysawit.She
attractedhim.He'dthoughtitwasmutual.Butapparentlyhewasonlyabalmforhergrief,andthat
disturbedhim.Heshouldhavefollowedhisinstinctsandgonehomethismorning.

"DidIevensaythankyou?"sheasked.

"Yousaidit."Hefinishedhisteaandstudiedherovertherimofthesmallcup."Whendoyouhaveto
beback?"

Sheglancedatthebigfaceofhiswatch."Atone-thirty."Shehesitated."IguessyouthinkI'monly
usingyou,toputwhathappenedoutofmymind,"shesaidsuddenly."ButI'mnot.Ienjoybeingwith
you.Idon'tfeelsoaloneanymore."

Shemighthavereadhismind.Thetensioninhimrelaxedalittle.Hefinishedhistea."Inthatcase,
we'llgotheparkandfeedthepigeons."

Herfacelitup.Thatwouldmeanafewmorepreciousminutesinhiscompany.Italsomeantthathe
wasn'tangrywithher.

"Noneedtoaskifyou'dliketo,"hemurmureddryly."Finishyourtea,littleone."Shedrainedthecup
obedientlyandgotup,waitingforhimtojoinher.

Theystrolledthroughtheparkoverlookingthelake.Thewindwasblowing,asitalwaysdid,andshe
enjoyedthefeelofitinherhair.Heboughtpopcornfromavendorandtheysatonabenchfacingthe
water,tossingthetreattothefatpigeons.

"We'reprobablygivingthemhigh-bloodpressure,highcholesterol,andhearttrouble,"sheobserved
asthebirdswaddledfromonepieceofpopcorntothenext.Heleanedbackonthebench,onearm
overtheback,andlookeddownatherindulgently.

"Popcornishealthierthanbread.Butyoucouldaskthemtostopeatingit."Shelaughed."I'dbe
committed."

"Oh,I'dsaveyou."Hetossedanotherkerneltothepigeonsandstaredoutatthelake,wheresailboats
werevisibleinthedistance."Jacobsvilledoesn'thavealakethissize,”hemurmured."Wehavea
smalloneontheranch,butwe'reprettylandlockedbackhome."

"I'vegottenusedtoseeingthesailboatsandmo-torboatshere,"shesighed,followinghisgaze.

"Icanseethemouttheofficewindowonaclearday."Shetuckedloosestrandsofhairbackbehind
herear."Thewindneverstops.Isupposethelakeaddstoit."

"Morethanlikely,"hereplied."IusedtospendagoodbitoftimedownintheCaribbean.Itblows
nonstoponthebeachaswell."

"Andoutontheplains,"shemurmured,smilingassherememberedherchildhoodonaranchin
SouthDakota.Somethingshehadn'ttoldhimabout.

"Prettycountry,"hesaid."WehadaninterestinaranchupinMontana,afewyearsback.Itfolded.
Badwater.Saltleachingkilledtheland."

"Whatkindofcattledoyouraise?"sheasked.

"PurebredSantaGertrudismostly.Butwerunacow-calfoperationalongsideit.Thatmeanswe
producebeefcattle,"heexplained.

Sheknewthatinstantly,andmore.She'dgrownupinranchingcountryandknewquiteabitabouthow
beefwasproduced,butshedidn'tsayso.Itwasnicertolethimexplainhowitworked,tositandlisten
tohisdeep,quietvoice.

Herlunchhourwasupbeforesherealizedit.Shegottoherfeetwithrealreluctance."Ihavetogo,"
shesaidmiserably.

Hestoodupbesideher,hispaleblueeyesonherdownbenthead.Herammedhishandsintohis
pocketsandgloweredatthedejectedpictureshemade.Heknewwhathehadtodo,though.

"I'mgoinghome,Miranda,"hesaidshortly.

Shewasn'tsurprised.He'dactedasifhewashereagainsthisbetterjudgment,andshecouldn'tblame
him.Herconsciencewasbeatingheroverthehead,becauseitdidn'tfeelrighttobegoingonadate
whenherhusbandwasonlydeadamonth.

Shelookedup.Hisexpressiongavenothingaway,butsomethingwasflickeringinhiseyes."Idon't
knowwhatwouldhavehappenedtomeifithadn'tbeenforyou,"shesaid."Iwon'tforgetyou."His
jawwenttaut.Hewouldn'tforgether,either,buthecouldn'tputitintowords.Heturned,beginningthe
longwalkbacktoheroffice.Itshouldn'thavefeltsopainful.Inrecentyears,therehadn'tbeena
womanhecouldn'ttakeinhisstrideandwalkawayfrom.ButMirandalookedlostandvulnerable.

"I'maloner,"hesaidirritably."Ilikeitthatway.Idon'tneedanyone."

"IsupposeI'mnotverygoodatbeingalone,"shereplied."ButI'lllearn.I'llhaveto."

"Youwerealonebeforeyoumarried,weren'tyou?"heasked.

"Notreally.IlivedwithSamandJoan.ThenIdecidedthatenoughwasenough,soIimprovedmyself
andfoundTim."Shesighedwearily."ButIguessIwasalone,ifyoustopandthinkaboutit.Evenafter
TimandIgotmarried,healwayshadsomeplacetogowithoutme.ThenIgotpregnant,butthat
wasn'tmeanttobe."Shefeltherbodytauten.Itwasstillhardtothinkaboutthechildshe'dlost;about
herpartinitsloss.Shefeltaminute'spanicatlosingHarden,nowthatshe'dbeguntodependonhim.
Sheglancedathim."ImarriedtooquicklyandIlearnedahardlesson:thereareworsethingsthan
yourowncompany."

"Yes."Helethispaleeyesslidedowntomeethers."You'vegivenmeanewperspectiveonwomen.I
supposetherearesomedecentonesintheworld."

Shesmiledsadly."Highpraise,comingfromyou."

"Higherthanyourealize.Imeantit.Ihatewomen,"hesaidcurtly.Thatwassad.Sheknewitwas
probablybecauseofhismother,andshewonderedifhe'devertriedtounderstandhowhismother
hadfelt.Ifhe'dneverloved,howcouldhe?

"You'vebeenverykindtome."

"I'mnotakindman,asarule.YoubringoutasideofmeIhaven'tseenbefore."Shesmiled."I'm
glad."

"I'mnotsureIam,"hesaid."Willyoubeallright?"

"Yes.I'vegotSamandJoan,youknow.Andtheworstofitisovernow.I'llgrievelongerforthebaby
thanIwillforTim,I'mafraid."

"You'reyoung.Therecanbeotherbabies."

Hereyesturnedwistful."Canthere?I'mnotsosure."

"You'llmarryagain.Don'tgiveuponlifebecauseyouhadsomehardknocks.Weallhavethem.But
wesurvive."

"Ineverfoundoutwhatyourswere,"sheremindedhim.

Heshrugged."Itdoesnogoodtotalkaboutthem."Hestoppedinfrontofherofficebuilding.

"Takecareofyourself,Miranda."

Shelookedupathimwithquietregret.Hewasaveryspecialman,andshewasabetterpersonfor
havingknownhimatall.Shewonderedhowdifferentherlifewouldhavebeenifshe'dmethim
beforeTim.HewaseverythingTimhadn'tbeen.Hewasthekindofmanawomanwoulddoanything
for.Buthewasoutofherreachalready.Itmadehersad.

"Iwill.You,too."Shesighed."Goodbye,Harden."Hesearchedhereyesforalongminute,untilher
bodybegantothrob."Goodbye."Heturnedandwalkedaway.Shewatchedhimhelplessly,feeling^
morelostandalonethaneverbefore.

Hardenwasfeelingsomethingsimilar.Itshouldhavebeeneasytoendsomethingthathadnever
reallybegun,butitwasn't.She'dlookedsovulnerablewhenhe'dlefther.Herfacehauntedhim
already,andhewasonlyafewyardsaway.

IfonlyhismindwouldstoprememberingthesoftnessofMiranda'ssilvereyes,lookingupathimso
trustingly.He'dneverhadawomanleanonhimbefore.Hewassurprisedtofindthathelikedit.He
felthimselfhesitating.

Hisstepsslowed.Hemutteredaharshcurseasheturned.Sureenough,Mirandawasstillstanding
there,lookinglost.Hefelthimselfwalkingbacktoherwithoutunderstandinghowithappened.A
minutelater,hewastoweringoverher,seeinghisownhelplessreliefmirroredinhersoftgrayeyes.
Hereyessearchedhisinthesilencethatfollowed.

"Whattimedoyougetoff—five?"heaskedtersely.

Shecouldhardlygetthewordout."Yes."

Henodded."I'llpickyouup."

"Thetrafficisterrible..."

Heglaredather."Sowhat?"

Shereachedoutandtouchedhisarm."Youcameback."

"Don'tthinkIwantedto,"hetoldherflatly."ButIcan'tseemtohelpmyself.Gotowork.We'llfind
someexoticplaceforsupper."

"Icancook,"shevolunteered."Youcouldcometomyapartment."

"Andletyouspendhalfthenightinthekitchenafteryou'veworkedallday?"heasked.Heshookhis
head."Noway."

"Areyousure?"

Hesmiledfaintly."No.Butwe'llmanage.I'llbeoutfrontwhenyougetoff.Areyouusuallyontime?"

"Always,"shesaid."Thebossisasticklerforpromptness,evenwhenitcomestogettingofffrom
work."Shestaredupathimforalongmoment,ignoringpassers-by,herheartsinging."Oh,I'mglad
youstayed!"shesaidsoftly.

"Evenifitwasagainstmybetterinstincts?"

"WillithelpifItellyouthatyoumighthavesavedmysanity,ifnotmylife?"shereplied.Hestudied
herforalongmoment"Itwillhelp.I'llseeyoulater."Hewatchedhergoinsidethebuilding,hisface
stilltautwithreluctantneed.Itsurprisedhimthathecouldfeelatall,whenhisemotionshadlivedin
limboforsolong.Afterhelefther,hespenttherestofthedaygettingacquaintedwiththecity.Itwas
bigandbusyandmuchlikeanyothercity,butheenjoyedthehugemodernsculpturesandtheethnic
restaurantsandthemuseums.Hefeltlikeanytouristbythetimehe'dshoweredandchangedandgone
backtopickupMiranda.

Shewasbreathlesswhenshegottohiminthelobby.

"Iranalltheway,"shepanted,holdingontothesleevesofhisgraysuitcoatasshefoughtforbreath.
"Wewerelatetoday,ofalldays!"

Hesmiledfaintly."Iwouldhavewaited."

"IguessIknewthat,butIhurried,allthesame."

Heescortedhertothecarandputherinside."IfoundaPolynesianplace.Everhadpoi?"

"Notyet.Thatsoundsadventurous.ButIreallywouldliketochangefirst..."

"Noproblem."Herememberedwithoutbeingtoldwhereherapartmentwas.Hedroveherthere,
findingaparkingspotnearthehouse—amiracleinitself,shetoldhimbrightly.

Hewaitedinthelivingroomwhileshechanged.Hiscuriositygotthebestofhimandhebrowsed

throughherbookshelfandstaredaround,learningabouther.Shelikedbiographies,especiallythose
thatdealtwiththelatenineteenthcenturyoutWest.Shehadcraftbooksandplentyofspecificworks
onvariousPlainsIndiantribes.Thereweremusicbooks,too,andhelookedaroundinstinctivelyfor
aninstrument,buthedidn'tfindone.

Shecameout,stillhurriedlyfasteningapearlnecklaceoverthesimpleblacksheathdressshewas
wearingwithstrappyhighheels.Herhairwasloose,butneatlybrushed,hangingoverhershoulders
likeblacksilk.

"Isthisallright?"sheasked."Ihaven'tbeenoutmuch.Timlikedcasualplaces.IfI'moverdressed,I
canchange,butyou'rewearingasuitandIthought—!"Hemovedclosetoherduringtherushof
wordsandquietlylaidhisthumbsquareoverherprettylips,haltingthem.

"Youlookfine,"hesaid."There'snoreasontobenervous."

"Isn'tthere?"sheasked,forcingasmile."I'mallthumbs.IfeelasifI'meighteenagain."Thesmile
faded."Ishouldn'tbedoingthis.Myhusbandhasonlybeendeadafewweeks,andIlostmybaby.I
shouldn'tgoout,Ishouldstillbeinmourning,"shestammered,tryingtomakesenseofwhatwas
happeningtoher.

"Webothknowthat,"heagreed."Itdoesn'thelpverymuch."

"No,"sherepliedwithasadsmile.

Hesighedheavily."Icangobacktomyhotelandpack,"hesaid,"orwecangoouttodinner,whichis
thebestsolution.Ifithelps,thinkofusastwolonelypeoplehelpingeachotherthroughabadtime."

"Areyoulonely,Harden?"sheasked.

Hedrewinaslowbreathandhishandtouchedherhairverylightly."Yes,I'mlonely,"hesaidharshly.
"I'veneverbeenanyotherway."

"Alwaysontheoutsidelookingin,"shemurmured,watchinghisfacetauten."Yes,Iknowhowit
feels,becauseinspiteofSamandJoan,that'showitwaswithme.IthoughtTimwouldmakeitall
comeright,butheonlymadethingsworse.HewantedwhatIcouldn'tgivehim."

"This?"heasked,andslowly,slowly,tracedaroundthefirm,fullcurveofhermouth,watchingher
lipspartandfollowhisfingerhelplessly.Shereactedtohiminstantly.Itmadehisheadspinwith
delicioussensations.

Shecaughthiswrist,stayinghishand."Please,"shewhispered,swallowinghard."Don't."

"Doesitmakeyoufeelguiltytoletmepleasureyou?"heaskedquietly."Itisn'tsomethingIoffervery
often.ImeantwhatIsaid,Idetestwomen,asarule."

"IguessIdofeelguilty,"sheadmitted."Iwasdrivingandtwoliveswerelost."Hervoicebroke.

"Itwasmyfault...!"

Hedrewhertohimandenvelopedherinhishardarms,holdingherwhilethetearsfell."Give
yourselftime.Desperationwon'tsolvetheproblemorstopthepain.Youhavetobekindtoyourself."

"Ihatemyself!"

Hislipsbrushedhertemple."Miranda,everyonehasasecretshame,asearingguilt.It'spartofbeing
human.Believeme,youcangetthroughthepainifyoujustthinkpastit.Thinkahead.Findsomething
tolookforwardto,evenifit'sjustamovieoreatingataspecialrestaurantoraholiday.Youcan
surviveanythingifyouhavesomethingtolookforwardto."

"Doesitwork?"

"Itgotmethroughmyownroughtime,"hereplied.

Shedrewback,brushingathertear-streakedcheeks."Wanttotellmewhatitwas?"sheaskedwitha
waterysmile.

Hesmiledback,gently."No."

Shesighed."You'reaveryprivateperson,aren'tyou?"

"Ithinkthat'satraitweshare,"Hedrewback,pullingheruprightwithhim.Thenecklineofherdress
washighandverydemureandheliftedaneyebrowatit.

"Idresslikeamiddle-agedwoman,isn'tthatwhatyou'rethinking?"shemuttered.Helaughedout
loud."I'mafraidso.Don'tyouhavesomethingalittlemoremoderninyourcloset?"

Sheshiftedhershoulders."Yes.ButIcan'twearlownecklinesbecause..."Hetiltedherchinup.
"Because...?"

Sheflushedalittleanddroppedhereyes."I'mnotexactlyoverendowed.I,well,IcheatalittleandifI
wearsomethinglowcut,youcantell."

Hepursedhislipsanddroppedhiseyestoherbodice."Nowyou'veintriguedme."Shemovedalittle
awayfromhim,feelingshyandnaive."Hadn'twebettergo?"Hesmiled."Nervousofme,Miranda?"

"Iimaginemostwomenare,"shesaidseriously,searchinghishardface."You'reintimidating."

"I'lltrynottointimidateyoutoomuch,"hepromised,andheldthedooropenforher.Asshepassed
himonthewayout,hewonderedhowlonghecouldcontainhisdesireforherwithoutdoing
somethingirrevocable.

ChapterFive

Forthenextfewdays,Hardentriednottothinkaboutthereasonsheshouldn'tbewithMiranda.She
wasinhisblood,asweetfeverthathecouldn'tcure.Themorehetriedtoresisther,themorehis
mindtormentedhim.Eventually,hegaveintoit,becausetherewasnothingelsehecoulddo.Work
waspilingupbackathomebecausehewasn'ttheretohelpEvan.Hismindwasanywhereexcepton
thejobthesedays.Moreandmore,hiswakingandsleepinghourswerefilledwiththesightof

Miranda'slovelyface.

Hehatedhisobsessionwithher.Hewasaconfirmedbachelor,wellabletoresistaprettyface.Why
couldn'theescapethisone?Herfigurewasreallynothingspectacular.Shewaspretty,butsowere
plentyofotherwomen.No,itwashernaturethatdrewhim;hersweet,gentlenaturethatgavemore
thanitasked.Sheenvelopedhimlikeasoftweb,andfightingitonlyentangledhimdeeper.Duringthe
pastfewdays,they'dbeeninseparable.Theywentouttodinneralmosteverynight.Hetookher
dancing,andlastnightthey'dgonebowling.Hehadn'tdonethatinyears.Itfeltunfamiliartobe
throwingballsdownalleys,andwhenhescored,Mirandawasasenthusiasticasifshe'ddoneit
herself.

Shelaughed.Sheplayed.Hewasfascinatedbythewayshecameoutofhershellwhenshewaswith
him,evenifhedidgetfrequentanddisturbingglimpsesoftheanguishinhersilvereyes.Hedidn't
touchher.Thatwasoneluxuryhewouldn'tallowhimself.Theyweretooexplosivephysically,ashe'd
foundoutthemorninghe'dtakenherhomefromthehotel.Instead,theytalked.Helearnedmore
abouther,andtoldhermoreabouthimselfthanhe'dsharedwithanyoneelse.Itwasatimeof
discovery,ofexploration.Itwasatimebetweenworlds,andithadtoendsoon.

"You'rebroodingagain,"sheremarkedashewalkedhertoherdoor.They'dbeenouttoeat,again,
andhe'dbeenpreoccupiedallnight.

"I'vegottogoback,"hesaidreluctantly.Helookeddownatherwithadarkfrown."Ican'tstayany
longer."

Sheturnedandunlockedherdoorslowly,withoutglancinghisway.She'dexpectedit.Itshouldn't
havesurprisedher.

"I'maworkingman,damnit,"hesaidshortly.

"Ican'tspendmylifewanderingaroundChicagowhileyou'reinyouroffice!"Shedidlookathim
then,withsoft,sadeyes."Iknow,Harden,"shesaidsoftly.Heshovedhishandsintohispockets."Can
youwritealetter?"Shehesitated."Aletter?Well,yes...I'veneverhadanybodytowriteto,ofcourse,"
sheadded.

“Youcanwritetome,"hesaid,hisvoicetersewithimpatienceandirritation."Itisn'tthesameas
havingtimetospendtogether,butit'sbetterthanphonecalls.Ican'ttalkonthephone.Icannever
thinkofanythingtosay."

"Me,too,"shesaid,smilingupathim.Herheartraced.Hehadtobeinterestedifhewaswillingto
keepintouch.Itliftedherspirits.

"Don'texpectaletteraday,"hecautionedher."I'mnotthatgoodatit."

"Idon'thaveyourmailingaddress,"shesaid.

"Getmeapieceofpaper.I'llwriteitdownforyou."

Hefollowedherintotheapartmentandwaitedwhilesheproducedapadandpen.Hescribbledthe
ranch'sboxnumberandzipcodeinabold,blackscrawlandgaveittoher.

"Thisismine,"shesaid,takingthepadandwritingdownherownaddress.Sheputthepadasideand
lookedupathim."You'vemadelifebearableforme.IwishIcoulddosomethingthatniceforyou."
Histeethclenched.Helethiseyesrundownthelengthoftheblackstrappydressshewaswearingto
longlegsencasedinnylonandsling-backpumpswithrhinestonebuckles.Hisgazecamebackupto
herlooseneddarkhairandhersoftovalfaceandhertrustingsilvereyes.

"Youcould,ifyouwantedto,"hesaidhuskily.

Sheswallowed.Hereitwas.Shehadn'tmistakenhisdesireforher,andnowhewasgoingtoask
somethingthatshedidn'tknowifshecouldgive.

"Harden...I...Idon'tlikeintimacy,"shesaidnervously.Hiseyebrowsarched.Hehadn'texpectedherto
besoblunt."Iwasn'tgoingtoaskyoutocometobedwithme,"hemurmureddryly."EvenIhave
morefinessethanthat."

Shetookasteadyingbreath."Oh."

"Butwhilewe'reonthesubject,"hesaid,pushingthedoorshutbehindhim,"whydon'tyoulike
intimacy?"

"It'sunpleasant,"shesaidflatly.

"Painful?"heprobed.

Sheputherpurseonatableandtracedpatternsonit,withoutlookingathim.Harshmemories
floodedintohermind."Onlyonce,"shesaidhesitantly."Imeanunsatisfying,Iguess.Embarrassing
andunsatisfying.Ineverlikedit."

Hepausedbehindher,hisleanhandscatchingherwaistandturningher,sothatshefacedhim.

"Didhearouseyouproperlybeforehetookyou?"heaskedmatter-of-factly.Shegasped.Herwide
eyesmethisasifshecouldn'tbelievewhathe'dsaid.Heshrugged."Idon'tfindituncomfortableto
talkabout.Neithershouldyou,atyourage."

"Ihaven'tevertalkedaboutit,though,"shestammered.

"Yourbrotherisadoctor,"hepointedout.

"But,mygoodness,SamisworsethanIam,"sheexclaimed."Hecan'tevensaythewordsexinfront
ofpeople.He'saveryrepressedman.Straitlaced,isn'tthattheword?AndJoanisadear,butyoucan't
talktoherabout...intimacy."

"Thentalktomeaboutit,"hereplied."Thatfirstmorning,whenIkissedyou,youweren'tafraidof
beingintimatewithme,wereyou?"

Shenibbledherlowerlip."No,"shesaid,herfaceflaming.

"Wasitlikethatwithyourhusband?"

Shehesitated.Thensheshookherhead.

"There'sachemistrybetweenpeoplesometimes,"hesaid,watchingherface."Anexplosiveneedthat
pullsthemtogether.Ihaven'tfeltitoften,andneverquitelikethis.Igatherthatyou'veneverfeltitat
allbefore."

"That's...fairlyaccurate."

Hetuckedhishandunderherchinandliftedhershyeyestohis."Sex,inordertobegood,hastohave
thatexplosivequality.That,andafewotheringredients—likerespect,trust,andemotional
involvement.It'sanelusivecombinationthatmostpeopleneverfind.Theysettleforwhattheycan
get."

"LikeIdid,youmean,"shesaid.

Henodded."Likeyoudid."Heliftedoneleanhandtoherfaceandverylightlytracedhermouth,
watchingitpart,watchingherbreathingchangesuddenly."Feelit?"heaskedsoftly."Thattightening
inyourbodywhenItouchyourmouth,thewayyourbreathcatchesandyourpulseraces?"

"Yes."Sheswallowed."Harden,doyoufeelit?"

"Tothesolesofmyfeet,"hereplied.Hebentandliftedher,verygently,inhisarms,hiseyesonher
face."Letmemakelovetoyou.Setanylimitsyoulike."Thetemptationmadeherheartrace.She
droppedhereyestohisthinmouthandwanteditbeyondbearing."Don't...don'tmakemepregnant,"
shewhispered."Idon'thaveanythingtouse."Hisbodyshuddered.Ithumbledhimthatshe'dlethim
gothatfar."Idon'thaveanythingtouse,either,sowecan'tgoallthewaytogether,"hesaid
unsteadily."Doesthatreassureyou?"

"Yes."

Hemovedtowardthebedroom,andstoppedwhenhenoticedhereyesdartingnervouslytothebed.

"Hemadelovetoyouthere,"hesaidsuddenly,hiseyesblazingasheguessedthereasonforher
hesitation.Helookeddownintoherface."Wasitalwaysthere?"

"Yes,"shewhispered.

"Howaboutonthesofa?"

Herbodytensedwithanticipatedpleasure."No."

Hewhirledonhisheelandcarriedhertothelong,cushysofa.Heputherdownonitandstood
lookingatthelengthofherwitheyesthatmadeherbodymoverestlessly.Shefeltuneasy.Hewas
probablyusedtowomenwhowerevoluptuousandperfectlyfigured,andshehadplentyof
inhibitionsaboutherbodythatTimhadgivenher.Thepaddedbrahadbeenhisidea,becausehenever
thoughtshewasadequate.

HardensawthehesitationinMiranda'sbigeyesandwonderedatit.Heunfastenedhistieandtossedit
intothechairbesidethesofa.Hisjacketfollowed.Heheldhereyeswhilehishandslowlyunbuttoned

thewhiteshirtunderit,revealingthebreadthandstrengthofhishair-mattedchest.Helikedtheway
Miranda'seyeslingeredonhistorso,thehelplessdelightinthem.

"Doyoulikewhatyousee?"heaskedarrogantly.

"Can'tyoutell?"shewhispered.

Hesatdownbesideher,hishandslidingunderherbacktofindthezipperofherdress."We'll
comparenotes."

Butherhandscaughthisarmsassherealizedwhathewasgoingtodo.Allherinsecuritiesflamedon
herface.

Hefrowned.Andthenheremembered.Histhinmouthpulledintoasoft,secretivesmile:"Ah,Isee.
Thepaddedbra,"hewhispered.

Sheblushedscarlet,butheonlylaughed.Itwasn'tacruellaugh,either.Itwasasifhewasgoingto
sharesomedelicioussecretwithher,andwantedhertoenjoyit,too.Hishandslowlypulledthe
zipperdown.Heignoredthenervoushandstryingtostophim."WillithelpifItellyouthatsizeonly
matterstoadolescentboyswhonevergrowup?"heaskedsoftly.

"Timsaid..."

"I'mnotTim,"hewhisperedashismouthgentlycoveredhers.Shefelttheverytextureofhislipsas
hebrushedthemlightlyoverandaroundhers.Hecaughthertoplipbetweenhisteethandtouchedit
withhistongue,asifheweresavoringthetasteofthedelicateinnerflesh.Herbreathstoppedinher
throatbecauseitwasveryarousing.Andmeanwhile,hewasslidingthedressoffhershoulders,along
withherbrastraps.

"You...mustn't,"sheprotestedjustonce.

Hehesitatedasthedressslidtotheuppercurvesofherfirmbreasts."Why?"heaskedsoftly,hislips
touchinghermouthashespoke.

"It's...it'stoosoon,"shesaid,hervoicesoundingpanicky.

"No,that'snotthereason,"hemurmured.Heliftedhisheadandsearchedhersilvereyes."Youthink
I'llbedisappointedwhenIlookatyou."Hesmiled."You'rebeautiful,Miranda,andyouhaveaheart
asbigasalloutdoors.Thesizeofyourbreastsisn'tgoingtomattertome."Thecolorcameintoher
cheeksagain.EvenTimhadneversaidanythingsointimatetoher.

"Soinnocent,"hesaidsolemnly,allthehumorgone."Hedidn'tleavefingerprints,didhe?ButI
promiseyou,Iwill."Hishandsmoved,drawingthefabricawayfromherfirm,highbreasts,andhe
lookeddownatthemwithmasculineappreciation.

Shedidn'tevenbreathe.Herheartwasracingmadly,andshefelthernipplesbecomehardunderthat
silent,intentscrutiny.Shemightbesmall,buthewasn'tlookingatherasifheminded.Hiseyeswere
findingeverydifferenceincolor,intexture,sketchingherwiththeabsorptionofanartist.

"SometimesIthinkGodmustbeanartist,"hesaid,echoinghersilentthoughts."ThewayHecreates
perfectionwithjusttherightformandmixofcolors,thebeautyofHiscompositions.Igetbreathless
lookingatasunset.ButIgetmorebreathlesslookingatyou."Hiseyesfinallyliftedtohers.

"Whyareyouself-consciousaboutyoursize?"

"I..."Sheclearedherthroat.Incredible,tobelyingherenakedfromthewaistupandlisteningtoaman
talkaboutherbreasts!"Well,TimsaidIwastoolittle."Hesmiledgently."Didhe?"

Heseemedtofindthatamusing.Hishandsmovedagain,andthistimeshedidprotest,buthebentand
gentlybrushedhereyelidsshutwithhismouthasheeasedtherestofthefabricdownherbody.In
seconds,hehadhertotallyundressed.

Heliftedhisheadthenandlookedather,hiseyessoftandquietasshelaytrembling,helpless.

"Iwon'teventouchyou,"hewhispered."Don'tbeembarrassed."

"But...I'venever—!"shestammered.

"Noteveninfrontofyourhusband?"heasked.

"Hedidn'tlikelookingatme,"shemanagedunsteadily.

Hesighedsoftly,hiseyesonherbreasts,thecurveofherwaist,herflatbellyandtheshadowofher
womanhoodthatledtolong,elegantlegs."Miranda,Ifearforthesanityofanymanwhowouldn't
likelookingatyou,"hesaidfinally."IsweartoGod,youknockthebreathrightoutofme!"Hereyes
fellinshockeddelight,andlandedonapointsouthofhisbeltthatspokevolumes.Shegaspedaudibly
andavertedhergazetohischest.

"I'vealwaystriedtohidethatreactionwithotherwomen,"hesaidfrankly."ButIdon'tmindvery
muchifyouseeit.Iwantyouverybadly.I'mnotashamedofit,evenifitisthewrongtime.Lookat
me,Miranda.Idon'tthinkyou'veeverreallylookedatamaninthiscondition."Histonecoaxedher
eyesbacktohisbody,butsheliftedhergazealittletooquicklyandhesmiled.

"Doesn'titmakeyouuncomfortable?"sheblurtedout.

"What?Lettingyoulook,orbeingthisway?"

"Both."

Hetouchedhermouthwithaleanforefinger."I'menjoyingeverysecondofit."

"SoamI,"shewhisperedasifitwereaguiltysecret.

"Willyouletmetouchyou?"heaskedsoftly,searchinghereyes."Ithastobebecauseyouwantit.In
this,Iwon'tdoanythingthatevenhintsofforceorcoercion."Herheadwaswhirling.Shelookedat
himandfireskindledinherbody.Shewantedtoknowwhatitfeltliketohavehishandsonher,tofeel
pleasure.

"WillIlikeit?"shewhispered.

Hesmiledgently."Oh,Ithinkso,"hemurmured.

Hebent,andverylightlybrushedhislipsoveronefirmbreast,histeethgrazingthenipple.She
gaspedandshivered."You...didn'ttellmeyouweregoingtodothat!"sheexclaimed,hersilvereyes
likesaucers.

Heliftedhisheadandsearchedthem."Didn'tI?"Hesmiledagain."Isitallright?"Havinghimaskher
thatmadehergoboneless.Timhadalwaystaken,demanded,hurther.Thefunnythingwasthatshe'd
thoughtitwouldbelikepleadingifamanaskedfirst,butHardenlookedimpossiblyarrogantandit
didn'tsoundanythinglikepleading.Herwholebodytrembledwithshockedpleasure.

"Yes,"shewhispered."It'sallright."

"Inthatcase..."

Hisleanhandsliftedherbodyinanarchsothathislipscouldsettleandfeedonhersoftbreasts.She
couldn'tbelievewhatwashappeningtoher.She'dneverfeltpleasurebefore.Whatshe'dthoughtwas
desirehadbeennothingmorethaninfatuation,andthiswasthestarkreality.Itwashotandsharpedged
andtotallyoverwhelming.Shewashelplessasshe'dneverbeen,livingonlythroughthehardmouth
thatwasteachingherbodyitsmostsensitiveareas,throughthehandsthatweresogentlycontrolling
her.

Herhandswereinhisthick,darkhairandhismouthwassuddenlyonhers,forcingherlipsapartwith
atenderferocitythatmadehertotallyhis.

"Don'tpanic,"hewhispered.

Shedidn'tunderstanduntilshefelthimtouchherinawaythatevenTimneverhad.Shecriedoutand
arched,herbodygoingrigid.

Hardenlookeddownather,buthedidn'tstop,evenwhenhefeltherhandsfightinghim."Justthis,
sweetheart,"hewhispered,watchinghereyes."Justthis.Letithappen.Itwon'thurt."Shecouldn'tstop.
Itwaslikegoingoveracliff.Sherespondedbecauseitwasimpossiblenotto,herfacetautwithpanic,
hereyeswildwithit.Shewasenjoyingit,andshecouldn'tevenpretendnotto.Hewatchedherface,
smilingwhenshebegantowhimper,feelingherresponses,feelingherpleasure.Whenitspiraledup
suddenlyandarchedhersilkybody,whensheweptandtwistedandthencriedout,convulsing,hefelt
asifhe'dexperiencedeverythinglifehadtooffer.Hecradledherinhisarmswhileshecried,hislips
gentleonherclosedeyes,sippingawaythetears.

"Amazing,whatamancandowhenhesetshismindtoit,"hewhisperedagainsthermouth.

"I’mgladtoseethatmyinstinctshaven'twornout.AlthoughI'vereadaboutthat,I'veneverdoneit
before."

Hereyesflewopen.Shewasstilltrembling,butthroughtheafterglowofsatisfaction,shecouldsee
themutedpleasureinhiseyes.

"Never?"sheexclaimed.

"Whyareyoushocked?"heasked."I'mnoplayboy.Womenarestillprettymuchamysterytome.
Lesssonow,"headdedwithawickedgleaminhiseyes.

Sheblushedandhidherfaceinhisthroat.Hishair-roughenedchestbrushedherbreastsandshe
stiffenedatthepleasurablesensationsthatkindledinher.Involuntarilyshepressedcloser,pushingher
hardnipplesintothethickhairsothattheybrushedhisskin.Hewenttautagainsther."No,"he
whispered.

Hesoundedthreatened,andshelikedhissuddenvulnerability.He'dseenherhelpless.Shewantedto
seehimthesameway.Shebrushedagainsthim,drawingherbreastssensuallyacrosshisbroadchest
untilshefelthimshudder.Hisbighandscaughtherarmsandtightened,buthedidn'ttrytomakeher
moveaway.

"Here."Heliftedher,sothatshesatoverhistautbody,facinghim,andthenhishandsbruisedherhips
andpulledhercloser,sothattheforceofhisarousalwasblatantagainsthersoftbelly.Hewrapped
herup,crushingherbreastsintohischest,andsatrockingherhungrily.

"Harden,"shewhispered.

Hisjawclenched.Hewaslosingit."Touchme,sweetheart."Herhandssmoothedoverhischest.

"No,"hegroundout."TouchmewhereI'maman."Shehesitated.Hismouthwhisperedoverher
closedeyes.Hecaughtoneofherhandsandslowlysmootheditdownoverhisflatstomach,his
breathcatchingwhenhepresseditgentlytohim.Herheartranawaywithher.She'dnevertouched
Timlikethat.TheintimatefeelofHarden'sbodymadeherthroballover.Shelikedtouchinghim.But
whenhebegantoslidethezipperdown,shejerkedherfingersawayandburiedherhotfaceinhis
throat.

"You'reright,"hesaidroughly,fasteningitback."I'mlettingitgotoofar.Muchtoofar."Heeasedher
awayandgotup,histallbodyshiveringalittlewithresidualdesireashefumbledacigaretteoutof
hispocketandlitit."Putyourthingsbackon,littleone,"hesaidhuskily.Shestaredathimwithher
blackdressinherhands."Youdon'twantmeto,"shewhispered.Hiseyesclosed."MyGod,no,Idon't
wantyouto,"hegroundout.Heturned,hisfacerigidwithunsatedpassion,hisbodyblatantwithit."I
wanttoburymyselfinsideyou!"Shetrembledatthestarkneed.Herlipspartedhelplessly."I...I'dlet
you,"shesaidfervently.Hisgazedroppedtoherbreastsandbeyondit,toherflatbelly.She'dhada
babythere.She'dlostthebabyandherhusband,andheshouldn'tbedoingthistoher.Heshouldn'tbe
takingadvantageofhervulnerability.

Heclosedhiseyesagainandturnedaway."Miranda,youaren'tcapableofmakingthatkindof
decisionrightnow.It'stoosoon."

Toosoon.Toosoon.Shecamebacktoherselfallatonce.Thiswastheapartmentshe'dsharedwith
Tim.She'dbeenpregnant.She'dlostcontrolofthecarandkilledherhusbandandherunbornchild.
Andonlyminutesbefore,she'dbeenbegginganothermantomakelovetoher.Shedraggedtheblack
dressoverherheadandfumbledthezipperup,herfacewhitewithreaction.Shebundleduptherest
ofherthingsandpushedthemdownbesidethesofacushion,becauseshewasshakingtoohardtoput

themon.Whathadshedone!

Hardenhadfastenedhisshirtandputhistieandjacketinplacebythetimeshedressed.Helooked
downatherwithquiet,sombereyesinafaceashardasstone."Iwon'tapologize.Itwastoosweetfor
words.Butit'stoosoonforlovemak-ing."

Shecouldn'tmeethiseyes."But,wedid..."

“Ipleasuredyou,"herepliedquietly."Bylove-making,Imeansex.IfIstayaroundheremuchlonger,
you'llgiveyourselftome."

"Youmakemesoundlikeaterribleweakling."Shelaughedmirthlessly.Hekneltjustinfrontofher,
hishandsbesideherhipsonthesofa."Miranda,itisn'taweaknessorasintowantsomeone.But
you'vegotatragedytoworkthrough.Bystayinghere,I'monlypostponingyourneedtoputitbehind
you,nottomentioncloudingyourgriefwithdesire.Iwantyou,baby,"hesaidhuskily,hiseyesfierce
astheymethers."Iwantyoujustasdesperatelyasyouwantme,butyou'vegot

tobesureit'snotjustmisplacedgrieforacrutch.Sexisseriousbusinesstome.Idon'tsleeparound,
ever."

Shewantedtoaskhimifheeverhad.Heseemedveryexperienced,buthedidn'tsoundasifsexwasa
minoramusementtohim.Hemightbeevenmoreinnocentthanshewas,andthatmadeherfeelless
embarrassedaboutwhatshe'dlethimdo.

Shesearchedhisface."Harden,Imightnothaveactedlikeit,butit'sseriousbusinesstome,too.Tim
wastheonlymanIeversleptwith."

"Iknow."Hecaughtherhandandheldthesoftpalmtohismouthhungrily."Butheneversatisfied
you,didhe?"

Sheswallowed.Finallyshegaveintothatblatantstare."Notlikeyoudid,no."Shehesitated.

"Youwanttoaskmesomething,"heguessedfromthatoddlook."Goahead.Whatisit?"

"WoulditfeellikethatifIgavemyselftoyou?Ifwewentalltheway?"sheaskedslowly.Hisfingers
clenchedonhers."Ithinkitmightbeevenmoreintense,"hesaidgruffly."Watchingyoualmostsent
meovertheedgemyself."

Shereachedoutandtouchedhisface,adoringthestrengthofitunderhercoolfingers.

"You...hadnothing,"sheexclaimedbelatedly.

Heonlysmiled."Don'tyoubelieveit,"hesaidwithadeep,somberlookinhispaleblueeyes.

"Andnow,I'vegottogo.I'veputitoffaslongasIcan."Hegottohisfeet.Mirandalethimpullherup
andherheartwasinhereyesasshegazedupathim.

“I’llmissyoumorethanever,now,"sheconfessed.

Hesighed.“I’llmissyou,too,littleone,"hesaidcurtly."Writetome.I'mascloseasthetelephone,if
youjustwanttotalk.You'llgetthroughthis,Miranda.Allyouneedisalittletime."

"Iknow.Youmadeitsomucheasier,though."

Hebrushedhisfingersthroughherunrulyhairandtiltedherfaceuptohishungryeyes."Itisn't
goodbye.Justsolong,forawhile."

Shenodded."Okay.Solong,then."

Hebentandkissedher,sotenderlythatshealmostcried."Begood."

"Ican'tbeanythingelse.Youwon'tbehere.Harden,"shesaidasheopenedthedoor.Helookedback,
hiseyebrowarchinginaquestion.

"Justremember,"shesaidwithforcedhumor."Yousavedmylife.Nowyou'reresponsibleforit."

Hesmiledgently."Iwon'tforget."

Hedidn'tsaygoodbye.Hegaveheronelong,lastlookandwentoutthedoor,closingitgentlybehind
him.Hehadn'treallysavedherlife,sheknew,becauseshehadn'tmeanttojumpoffthebridge.Butit
madeherfeelgoodtothinkthatsheowedittohim,thathecaredenoughtoworryabouther.Shehad
hisaddress,andshe'dwrite.Maybewhenshewasthroughthenaturalgrievingprocess,he'dcome
back,andshe'dhaveasecondchanceathappiness.Sheclosedhereyes,savoringtheintimacyshe'd
sharedwithhim.Shewonderedhowshewasgoingtoliveuntilshesawhimagain.

ChapterSix

Hardenwasgrumpywhenhegothome.Notthatanybodynoticed,becausehewasalwaysgrumpy.His
irritationdidn'timprove,either,whenhisbrotherConnalshowedup.

"Oh,God,no,herehecomesagain!"EvangroanedwhenthecarpulledupjustasheandHardenwere
comingdownthesteps.

"That'snowaytotalkaboutyourbrother,"Hardenchided.

"Justwait,"thebiggermansaidcurtly.

"Ican'tstandit!"Connalgreetedthem,throwinguphishands."Wegetallthewaytothehospital,I
makeallthenecessaryphonecalls,andtheysayit'sfalselabor!Herwaterhasn'tevenbroken!"

EvanandHardenexchangedglances.

"Heneedshelp,"Evansaid."Brokenwater?"

"Youwouldn'tunderstand,"Connalsaidheavily,hislean,darkfacewornandhaggard."I'vejustleft
hersleepinglongenoughtoaskMothertocomebackwithme.Pepineedsawomanaroundright
now."

"We'llstarve,"Evansaidmiserably.

"No,youwon't,"Hardenmuttered."Wehaveacook,remember."

"MothertellsJeanieMaywhattocook.You'dbetterworry,too,"Evansaidshortly."Evenifyoudon't
livehere,you'realwaysaroundwhenthefoodgoesonthetable."

"Don'tyoutwostart,I'vegotenoughproblems,"Connalmuttereddarkly.Evan'seyebrowsarched.
"Don'tlookatme.You'retheonewhomadePepipregnant.

"Iwantedchildren.Sodidshe."

"Thenstopmutteringandgohome."

Connalglaredatthebiggerman."Yourdaywillcome,"heassuredEvan."You'llbewalkingthe
streetsdreadingyourownWaterloointhedeliveryroom,waitandsee!"Evan'sfaceclouded.His
usualcarefreeexpressionwentintoeclipse."WillI?"heaskedonahardlaugh."Don'tbetonit."

Connalstartedtoquestionthatlook,butHardensteppedin.

"Theodora'sinthestudylookingupsomethingabouthowtorepairbathrooms,"hesaid.

"Theplumberwilllovethat,"Connalsaidknowingly."Don'tworry,I'llhaveheroutofherebefore
sheburstsanotherpipe."

"Lastonefloodedthebackhall,"Evanrecalled.

"Iopenedthedoorandalmostgotsweptdowntothesouthforty."

"She'sgotnobusinesstryingtofixthings.MyGod,shehadaflattireonthewheelbarrow!"Harden
exclaimed.

"Takestalent,"Evanagreed."Butdon'tkeephertoolong,willyou?Shetakesmysideagainsthim,"
hejerkedathumbatHarden.

"That'snothingnew,"Hardensaid,lightingacigarette."SheknowshowIfeelabouther."

"Onedayyou'llregretthat,"Connalsaid.Itwasn'tsomethingheusuallymentioned,butHarden's
attitudewasgettingtohim.Partofthereasonhe'dcomeforTheodorawasthathe'dnoticedher
increasingdepressionsinceHardenhadcomehomefromhisunexplainedstayinChicago.

"TellPepiweaskedabouther,"Hardensaideasily,refusingtorisetothebait.

"I'lldothat."

ConnalaskedaboutDonald,whowasawayagainwithhiswife,andafteraminutehesaidgoodbye
andwentintothehouse,leavingHardenandEvantogoabouttheirbusiness.Hardenclimbedbehind
thewheelbeforehisbrothercouldprotest.

"I'mnotridingwithyou,"hetoldEvanflatly."Yourfoot'stooheavy."

"Ilikespeed,"Evansaidbluntly.

"Lately,youlikeittoomuch."Hardenglancedathimandaway."Youhaven'tbeenyourselfsincethat
girlyouweredatingbrokeupwithyou."

Evan'sfacesetandheglancedoutthewindowwithoutspeaking.

"I'msorry,"hetoldEvan.“I’msorryashell.Buttherehastobeawomanforyousomewhere."

"I'mthirty-four,"Evansaidquietly."It'stoolate.Youusedtotalkaboutbeingaminister.MaybeI
shouldconsideritmyself."

"Aministerisn'tnecessarilycelibate,"hisbrotherreplied."You'rethinkingofapriest.Youaren't
Catholic,"headded.

"No,I'mnot.I'mthegiantinJackandtheBeanstalk,"hesaidwearily.Heputhishatbackon.

"I'msorryIdon'tsmoke,"hemurmured,eyeingHarden'ssmoke."Itmightkeepmeascoolasit
seemstokeepyou."

"I'mnotcool."Hardenstaredoutthewindshield."I'vegotproblemsofmyown."

"Miranda?"Evanaskedslowly.

Hardenstiffened.HisdreamshauntedhimwiththeimagesofMirandaasshe'dlethimseeherthatlast
nightatherapartment.Thetasteofhermouth,theexquisitesoftnessofherbodymadehimshiver
withpleasureeveninmemory.Hemissedherlikehell,buthehadtobepatient.HeglancedatEvan.
Hesighed,then,lettingitallout.Evanwastheonlyhumanbeingalivehecouldtalkto."Yes."

"Youcamehome."

"Ihadto.She'ssodamnedvulnerable.Icouldneverbesureitwasmeshewantedandnotawayto
avoidcopingwiththegrief."

"Doyouwanther?"

Hardentookadrawfromthecigaretteandturnedhishead.Hiseyeswereblazingasthememories
washedoverhim."LikeIwanttobreathe,"hesaid.

"Whatareyougoingtodo?"

Thebroadshouldersliftedandfell."Idon'tknow.I'llwritetoher,Iguess.MaybeI'llflytoChicago
nowandagain.Untilshe'scompletelyoverhergrief,Idon'tdarepushtoohard.Idon'twanthalfa
woman."

"Strange,"Evansaidquietly,"thinkingaboutyouwithawoman."

"Ithappenstousallsoonerorlater,didn'tConnalsay?"Evansmiled."Well,Miranda'sadish.When
youfinallydecidetogetinvolved,yousurepickawinner."

"It'smorethanthewayshelooks,"camethereply."She's...different."

"Thewomanusuallyis,"Evansaid,hisdarkeyessadinhisbroadface."Orsotheysay."

"You'llfindoutyourselfoneday,oldson."

"Thinkso?Icanhope,Isuppose."

"Whatwebothneedisadiversion."

Evanbrightened."Great.Let'sgototownandwreckabar."

"JustbecauseyouhatealcoholisnoreasontodoaCarrieNationonsomedefenselessbar,"his
brothertoldhimfirmly.

Evanshrugged."Okay,I'measy.Let'sgototownandwreckacoffeeshop."Hardenchuckledsoftly.
"Notuntilmyeyehealscompletely,"hesaid,touchingtheyellowishbruiseoverhischeekbone.

"Spoilsport.Well,Iguesswecangotothehardwarestoreandorderthatbutaneweneedtoheatthe
brandingirons."

“That'sbetter."

HardengothisfirstletterfromMirandatheverynextday.Itdidn'tsmellofperfume,anditwasina
perfectlyrespectablewhiteenvelopeinsteadofacolorfulone,butitwasnewsyandwarm.She
mentionedthatshe'dhaddinnerwithherbrotherandsister-in-lawtwice,andthatshe'dstartedgoing
totheirchurch—aBaptistchurch—withthemonSunday.Hesmiled,wonderingifhe'dinfluencedher.
Shewasn'taBaptist,buthewas;adeaconinhislocalchurch,wherehealsosanginthechoir.She
missedseeinghim,herletterconcluded,andshehopedthathecouldmaketimetowriteheronceina
while.

Shewasgoingtobeshocked,hedecidedashepulledupthechairtohisdeskandstartedtheword
processingprogramonhiscomputer.Hewroteseveralpages,aboutthenewbullsthey'dboughtand
thehopeshehadforthecrossbreedingprogramhe'dspokenaboutattheconferenceinChicago.
Whenhefinished,hechuckledathisownunfamiliarverbosity.Ofcourse,readingoverwhathe'd
written,hediscoveredthatitwasatotallyimpersonalletter.Therewasnothingwarmaboutit.He
frowned,fingeringthepaperafterhe'dprinteditout.Well,hecouldn'tverywellsaythathemissed
herlikehellandwishedhewasstillinChicago.Thatwouldbeoverdoingit.Withashrug,hesigned
theletterwithaflourishandsealeditbeforehecouldchangehismind.Personaltouchesweren'this
style.She'djusthavetogetusedtothat.

Mirandawassothrilledwhensheopenedthelettertwodayslaterthatshedidn'tatfirstnoticethe
impersonalstyleofit.Itwasonlyaftertheexcitementsubsidedthatsherealizedhemighthavebeen
writingittoastranger.

Consequentlyshebegantowonderifhewasreallyinterestedinher,orifhewastryingtofindaway
oflettingherdown,nowthattheyweresofarapart.Sherememberedhowsweetithadbeeninhis
arms,butthathadonlybeendesireonhispart.Sheknewmencouldfoolthemselvesintothinking
theycaredaboutawomanwhenitwasonlytheirglandsgettinginvolved.She'dgivenHardenplenty
oflicensewithherbody,anditstillmadeheruneasythatshe'dbeenthatintimatewithhimsosoon
afterTimandthebaby.Herownglandsweregivingherfits,becauseshecouldn'tstopremembering
howmuchpleasureHardenhadgivenher.Shemissedhimuntilitwaslikebeingcutinhalf.Butthis
letterhe'dwrittentoherdidn'tsoundlikehewasmissingher.Notatall.Shesatdownthatnightasshe
watchedtelevisionandtriedtowritethesamesortofnoteback.Ifhewantedtoplayitcool,she'ddo
herbesttofollowhislead.Shecouldn'tlethimknowhowbadlyshewantedtobewithhim,ormake
himfeelguiltyforthephysicalclosenessthey'dshared.Shehadtokeepthingslight,orshemight
inadvertentlychasehimaway.Shecouldn'tbearthat.Ifhewantedimpersonalletters,thenthat'swhat
he'dget.Shepushedhersadnesstothebackofhermindandbegantowrite.

Fromthere,itallbegantogodownhill.Hardenfrownedoverherreplyandhisownwasterseand
brief.Maybeshewasregrettingtheirtimetogether.Maybegriefhadfedherguiltandshewantedhim
toendit.Maybewhatthey'ddonetogetherwaswearingonherconscienceandsheonlywantedto
forget.He'dknownhewasrushingher.Whyhadn'thetakenmoretime?

OncehewasbackathisapartmentinHouston,hewasputtingthingsintoprospective.Therewasno
futurewithsomeonelikeMiranda,afterall.Shewasacitygirl.She'dneverfitintoranching.Hehad
hiseyeonasmallranchnearJacobsvilleandhe'dalreadyputadepositonit.Thehousewasn'tmuch.
Hewashavingitrenovated,buteventhenitwouldn'tbeashowplace.Itwasaworkingranch,andit
wouldlooklikeone.Mirandawouldprobablyhatethehardshipoflivingontheland,evenifhedid
makegoodmoneyatit.

Hestaredouthiswindowatthecitylights.Theofficebuildingwherethefamily'scorporateoffices
werelocatedwasvisibleinthedistanceamongtheglitteringlightsofdowntownHouston.Hesighed
wearily,smokingacigarette.Ithadbeenbetterwhenhe'dkepttohimselfandbroodedover
Theodora'sindiscretion.

Forthefirsttime,heallowedhimselftowonderifhismotherhadfeltforhisfatherthewayhefelt
withMiranda.Ifherhearthadfallenvictimtoapassionitcouldn'tresist.Ifshe'dlovedhisfatherso
muchthatshecouldn'trefusehimanything,especiallyachild.

HethoughtaboutthechildMirandahadlost,andwonderedhowitwouldbetogiveheranother,to
watchhergrowbigwithit.Herememberedhersoftcriesofpleasure,thelookofuttercompletionon
herface.Histeethgroundtogether.

Heturnedawayfromthewindowangrily.Mirandawrotehimthekindofletterhisbrothersmight,so
howcouldheimagineshecared?Shewasclosingdoorsbetweenthem.Shedidn'twanthim.Ifshe
did,whyhadn'therlaterletterbeenassweetandwarmasthatfirstone?

Themorehethoughtaboutthat,theangrierhegot.Daysturnedtoweeks,andbeforeherealizedit,
threemonthshadpassed.HewasstillwritingtoMiranda,againsthisbetterjudgment,buttheirletters
wereimpersonalandbrief.He'dallbutstoppedwritinginthepasttwoweeks.Thenaclientin
ChicagoaskedEvantoflyupandtalktohim.

Evanfoundanexcusenottogo.Connal,abrand-newfatherwithababyboytoplaywith,wasbackon
theranchheandPepi'sfatherownedinWestTexas.DonaldandJoAnnwerejustbackfromover-
seas,andHarden'syoungestbrothersaidflatlythathewasn'tgoinganywhereformonths—heandJo
Annhadhadtheirfilloftraveling.

“Lookslikeyou'reelected,"EvantoldHardenwithagrin."Callitfate."Hardenlookedhunted.He
pacedtheoffice."Ineedtostayhere."

"Youneedtogo,"Evansaidquietly."Ithasn'tgottenbetter,youknow.Youlookterrible.You'velost
weight,andyou'reworkingyourselftodeath.She'shadtimetogetherselfbacktogether.Goandsee
ifthemagic'sstillthere."

"Shewritesmebusinessletters.She'sprobablydatingsomebodyelsebynow."

"Gofindout."

Hardenmovedirritably.Thetemptationwasirresistible.ThethoughtofseeingMirandaagainmade
himfeelwarm.Hestudiedtheolderman."IguessImightaswell."

"I'llhandlethingshere.Haveagoodtrip."

Hardenheardthosewordsoverandover.HedeliberatelyputoffcallingMiranda.Hemettheclient,
settledhisbusiness,andhadlunch.Hewenttoamovie.Then,atfive,hehappenedtowalkpasther
officebuildingjustabouttimeforhertocomeout.

Hestoodbyatrafficsign,WesternlookinginapalegraysuitwithblackbootsandStetson,a
cigaretteinhishand.Hegotcurious,interestedlooksfromseveralattractivewomen,butheignored

them.Heonlyhadeyesforonewomanthesedays,evenifhewasn'tsureexactlyhowhefeltabout
her.Asirendistractedhimandwhenheglancedback,Mirandawascomingoutoftheentrance,her
darkhairaroundhershoulders,wearingapalegreenstripeddressthatmadehistemperaturesoar.
Herlonglegswereencasedinhose,herprettyfeetinstrappyhighheels.Shelookedyoungand
pretty,evenifshewasjustasthinasshe'dbeenwhenhelefther.

Shewasfumblinginherpurseforsomething,soshedidn'tlookupuntilhewasstandingdirectlyin
herpath.

Herexpressiontoldhimeverythinghewantedtoknow.Itwentfromshocktodisbelieftoutterdelight
inseconds,herhugesilveryeyeslikesaucersastheymethis.

"Harden!"shewhisperedjoyously.

"Noneedtoaskifyou'regladtoseeme,"hemurmureddryly."Hello,Miranda."

"Whendidyougethere?Howlongcanyoustay?Doyouhavetimetogetacupofcoffeewithme...!"

Hetouchedhisforefingertohersoftmouthwithasmile,oblivioustoonlookersandpedestriansand
motoriststhatspedpastthem."I'llanswerallthosequestionslater.I'mparkedoverhere.Let'sgo."

"Iwasfumblingforchangeforthebus,"shestammered,red-facedandshakenbyhisunexpected
appearance.Hereyesadoredhim."Ididn'thaveit.Haveyoubeenherelong?"

"Afewminutes.Igotinthismorning."Helookeddownather."You'restillthin,butyouhaveabit
morecolorthanyoudid.Isitgettingeasier?"

"Yes,"shesaid,nodding."It'samazingwhattimecanaccomplish.IthinkIhavethingsinperspective
now.I'mstillsadaboutthebaby,butI'mgettingoverit."HepausedathisrentedLincolnandopened
thepassengerdoorforher."I'mglad."Shewaiteduntilhegotinbesideherandstartedthecarbefore
shespoke."Ididn'tknowifI'dseeyouagain,"sheconfessed."Yourlettersgotshorterandshorter."

"Sodidyours,"hesaid,andhisdeepvoicesoundedvaguelyaccusing.

"Ithoughtmaybemyfirstonemadeyouuncomfortable,"sheconfessedwithasmile."Isortofused
yoursasapattern."

Hesmiled,too,becausethatexplainedeverything.Nowheunderstoodwhatshe'ddone,andwhy.

"Idon'tknowhowtowritealettertoawoman,"hesaidafteraminute,whenhe'dpulledintotraffic
andwasnegotiatinglanes."ThatwasthefirsttimeIeverhad."Herfacebrightened."Ididn'tknow."

Heshrugged."Noreasonyoushould."

"Howlongcanyoustay?"

"Ihadtoseeaclient,"hereplied."Ididthatthismorning."

"Then,you'reonyourwayhome.Isee,"shesaidquietly.Shetwistedherpurseonherlapandstared

outattraffic.Disappointmentlinedherface,butshedidn'tlethimsee."Well,I'mgladyoustoppedby,
anyway.Itwasanicesurprise."

Hecockedaneyebrow.Eithershewastransparent,orhewaslearningtoreadherverywell.

"Can'twaittogetridofme,canyou?"hemused."Ihadthoughtaboutstayinguntiltomorrow,at
least."Herfaceturnedtowardhis,andhereyesbrightened."Wereyou?Icouldcooksupper."

"Imightletyou,thistime,"hesaid."Idon'twanttowastethewholeeveninginarestaurant."

"Doyouneedtogobacktoyourhotelfirst?"sheasked.

"Whatfor?I'mwearingtheonlysuitIbroughtwithme,andI'vegotmywalletinmypocket."She
laughed."Thenwecanjustgostraighthome."

Herememberedwhereherapartmenthousewaswithoutanydifficulty.Heparkedthecarasclosetoit
ashecouldget,lockedit,andescortedherinside.

Whileshewaschangingintojeansandapinkknittop,hewanderedaroundherlivingroom.Nothing
hadchanged,exceptthatthereweremorebooks.Hepickeduponeofthepaperbacksonthetable
besidethecouchandsmiledathertaste.Detectivestoriesandromancenovels.

"IlikeErieStanleyGardner,"heremarkedwhenshewasbusyinthekitchen.

"SodoI,"shetoldhim,smilingoverhershoulderassheputcoffeeontoperk."AndI'mcrazyabout
SherlockHolmes—ontheeducationalchannel,youknow."

"Iwatchthatmyself."

Heperchedhimselfonastoolinfrontofherbreakfastbarandfoldedhisarmsonittostudyhertrim
figureassheworked.Sheproducedanashtrayforhim,butassheputitdown,hecaughtherwaistand
pulledherbetweenhislegs.

"Kissme,"hesaidquietly,holdinghergaze."It'sbeenalong,dryspell."

"Youhaven'tbeenkissedinthreemonths?"shestammered,alittlenervousoftheproximity.He
smiled."Ihatewomen,remember?Kissme,beforeyoustartonthesteak."Shesmiledjerkily."All
right."Sheleanedfore-ward,closedhereyes,andbrushedhermouthsoftlyagainsthis.

Hisleanhandtangledinherlonghairandheldherthere,takingover,partingherlips,deepeningthe
kiss.Hisbreathcaughtattheintensityofit,likealightningboltinthesilenceofthekitchen.

"Itisn'tenough,"hesaidtersely,drawingbackjustlongenoughtocrushouthiscigarette.Botharms
slidaroundherandbroughtherintimatelyclose,sothatherbellywasagainsthis,herfaceonan
unnervinglevelwithhisglitteryblueeyes."I'vemissedyou,woman,"hewhisperedroughly.His
mouthmetherswithenoughforcetopushherheadbackagainsthishand.Hewasroughbecausehe
wasstarvedforher,anditwasamutualthing.Shehesitatedonlyforasecondbeforeherarmswent
aroundhisneckandshepressedclosewithasoftmoan,lovingthewarmstrengthofhisbodyasshe
wasenvelopedagainstit.Shecouldhearhisbreathsighingoutashismouthgrewharderonhers,

bruisingherlips,pushingthemaparttogivehimtotalaccesstotheirmoistinnersoftness.Allatonce,
histonguepushedpastherlipsandintohermouth,andasensationlikeliquidfireburstinher
stomach.Itwasasintimateaslovemaking.Shefeltherwholebodybegintothrobashetastedherina
quick,hardrhythm.Shemadeasoundshe'dneverheardfromherthroatinherlifeandshudderedas
shemovedclosertohim,herlegstremblingagainsthis.

"Yes,"hebreathedunsteadilyintohermouth.“Yes,sweetheart,like...that...!"Hestoodup,takingher
withhim,oneleanhanddroppingtoherhipstogrindthemintohisown.Shestiffenedathisfierce
arousal,butheignoredherinstinctivewithdrawal.

"It'sallright,"hewhispered."Relax.Justrelax.Iwon'thurtyou."Hisvoicehadtheoddesteffecton
her.Thestrugglewentoutofherallatonce,andshegaveintohimwithanunsteadysigh.Herhands
pressedgentlyintohisshirtfrontandlingeredtherewhilethekisswentonandonandshefeltaslight
tremorinhisownpowerfullegs.Heliftedhisheadfinallyandlookeddownather,breathing
unsteadily,fightingtocontrolwhathefeltforher.

Hishandsatherwaisttightenedandthehelpless,submissivelookonhersoftfacepushedhimover
theedge."Isthereanythingcookingthatwon'tkeepforafewminutes,Miranda?"heaskedquietly.

Sheswallowed."No.But..."

Hebentandliftedhergentlyintohisarmsandcarriedheroutofthekitchen."Don'tbeafraid,little
one,"hesaidquietly.

"Harden,Idon't...I'mstillnotusinganything,"shestammered.Hedidn'tlookatherashewalkedinto
herbedroom."Wewon'tmakelove."

Herlipsparted.Theyfeltsoreandtheytastedofhimwhenshetouchedthemwithhertongue.Helaid
herdownonthebedandstoodlookingatherforalongmomentbeforehesatdownbesideherand
benttotakehermouthsoftlyunderhisonceagain.

Thelookinhiseyesfascinatedher.Itwasdesiremingledwithirritationandsomethingdarker,
somethingfarlessidentifiable.Hisgazefelltotheunsteadyriseandfalloftheknittopshewas
wearingandhishandmovedtosmoothdownhershouldertohercollarbone.

"Nobratonight?"heaskedbluntly,meetinghereyes.

Sheflushed."I..."

Heputalongforefingeronherlips."Whatwedotogetherisbetweenyouandme,"hesaidsolemnly.
"Notevenmyownbrothersknowanythingaboutmypersonallife.Iwantverybadlytotouchyou
again,Miranda.Ithinkyouwantitjustasmuch.Ifyoudo,thereisn'treallyanyreasonwecan't
indulgeeachother."

Shesearchedhiseyesquietly."Icouldn'tsleep,fordreamingabouthowitwasbetweenus,lasttime,"
shewhispered.

"NeithercouldI,"hereplied.Hishandsmovedtoherwaistandbroughtherintoasittingposition.
Gentlyheremovedthepinkknittopandputitaside,lettinghiseyesadoreherpinkandmauvenudity.

Hesmiledwhenhernippleswenthardunderthescrutiny.

Herhandstouchedhisleancheekshesitantlyandsheshiveredasshedrewhisfacetowardher,
archingherbacktoshowhimwhatshewantedmost.

"Here?"hewhispered,obligingher.

Shedrewinherbreathashismouthopenedoverherbreast,takingalmostallofoneinside.Thefaint
suctionmadehertremble,madehernailsbiteintotheshouldersofhissuitjacket.

"Too...manyclothes,Harden,"shewhispered.

Heliftedhisheadandpressedasoftkissonhermouthbeforehestoodup."Yes.Fartoomany."He
watchedherwhileheremovedeverythingabovehisbelt,enjoyingthewayhereyessketchedover
him.

"Harden,"shebeganshyly,hereyesfallingtothewidesilverbelt.

"No,"hesaid,readingthequestioninhereyes.Hesatdownbesideheranddrewhergentlyacrosshis
lap,movingherbreastsintothethickmatofhairoverhischest."IfItakeanythingelseoff,we'llbe
lovers."

"Don'tyouwantto?"sheaskedbreathlessly.

"Yes,"hesaidsimply."Butit'sstilltoosoonforthat."Helookeddownwhereherpalebodywas
pressedtohisdarklytannedone."Iwantyoutocomehomewithme,Miranda."

ChapterSeven

Mirandadidn'tbelieveatfirstthatshe'dheardhim.Shestaredathimblankly."What?"Hemether
eyes."Iwantyoutocomehomewithme,"hesaid,shockinghimselfasmuchashewasobviously
shockingher."Iwantmorethanthis,"headded,draggingherbreastssensuallyagainsthisbarechest.
"Assweetasitis,Iwanttogettoknowallofyou,notjustyourbody."

"But...myjob,"shebegan.

"Ihaveinmindaskingyoutomarryme,oncewe'vegottenusedtoeachotheralittlemore,"hesaid
then,drivingthepointhome."Anddon'tlooksoshocked.YouknowaswellasIdothatwe'regoing
towindupinbedtogether.It'sinevitable.I'mnomoreliberatedthanyouare,sowehavetodo
something.Eitherwegetmarried,orwestopseeingeachotheraltogether.Thatbeingthecase,you
havetocomehomewithme."

"Andstay...withyou?"sheechoed.

"WithTheodora.Mymother,"heclarifiedit."I'mbuyingaplaceinJacobsville,butitisn'treadyto
moveinto.Evenifitwas,"headdedwitharuefulsmile,"thingsaren'tdonethatwayinJacobsville.
You'dstaywithTheodoraanyway,tokeepeverythingaboveboard.Ordidn'tImentionthatIwasa
deaconinourBaptistchurch?"

"No,"shestammered."Youdidn't."

"Ithoughtaboutbeingaministeronce,"hemurmured,searchingherrapteyes."ButIdidn'tfeel
calledtoit,andthatmakesthedifference.Istillfeeluncomfortablewithso-calledmodernattitudes.
Holdingyoulikethisisonething.Sleepingwithyou—myconscienceisn'tgoingtoallowthat."

"Iwasmarried,"shebegan.

"Yes.Butnottome."Hesmiledgently,lookingdowntotheblatantthrustofhersoftbreastswiththeir
hardtipsbrushingagainsthischest."Anditdidn'tfeellikethis,didit?"

"No,"sheadmitted,goingbreathlesswhenhebrushedherbodylazilyagainsthis."Oh,no,itdidn't
feelanythinglikethis!"Shepressedevencloser,grippinghisshoulderstightly."Butyousayyouhate
women.Howareyougoingtomanagetomarryme?"

"Ididn'tsayIhatedyou,"hereplied.Hishandstangledinherhairandraisedherfacetohisquieteyes.
"I'veneverwantedanyonelikethis,"hesaidsimply."AllI'vedonesinceIleftChicagoisbroodover
you.Ihaven'tlookedatanotherwomaninallthattime."Shedrewbackalittle,tinglingwithpleasure
whentheactiondrewhiseyesimmediatelytoherbreasts.Shedidn'ttrytohidethemthistime.

Afteraminute,heliftedhiseyestohersandsearchedthem,readingwithpinpointaccuracythepride
andpleasurethere."Youlikeit,don'tyou?"heaskedquietly."Youlikemyeyesonyou."

"Yes,"shesaidhesitantly.

"Shameisn'tsomethingyoushouldfeelwithme,"hetoldher."Notever.Iknowtoomuchaboutyou
tothinkyou'reeasy."

Shesmiledthen."Thankyou."

Hisleanhandssmootheddowntoherwaist,andheshookhishead."Ican'timaginebeingabletodo
thisanytimeIplease,doyouknowthat?"hesaidunexpectedly."I'veneverhad...anyoneofmyown
before."Itsurprisedhimtorealizethatitwastrue.He'dthoughthehad,once,butithadbeenmore
illusionthanrealityandhewasonlydiscoveringit.

"Actually,neitherhaveI,"shesaid.Hereyesranoverhishair-roughenedchestdowntotherippleof
hisstomachmusclesabovehisbeltandbacktothewidthofhisshouldersandhisupperarms.

"Ilovetolookatyou,"shesaidhuskily.

"It'smutual."Hisfingersbrushedoverthetautcurveofonebreast,tracingitlovingly."Don'tyouever
putonapaddedbraagain,"hesaidshortly,meetinghereyes."Doyouhearme,Miranda?"She
laughedbreathlessly."Yes."

Helaughed,too,athisownvehemence."Toosmall.MyGod.Maybehewasshortsighted."Hestood
up,drawingherwithhim,hiseyeseloquentonherbody."Idon'tsupposeyou'dliketocooksupper
likethat..."Hesighedheavily.

"Harden!"

"Well,Ilikelookingatyou,"hesaidirritably."Touchingyou."Hisfingersbrushedoverherbreasts
lovingly,sothatshegasped."Kissingyou..."

Hebent,caressingherwithhismouthuntilshebegantoburn.Somehow,theywerebackonthebed
again,andhismouthwasonherbreasts,hishandsadoringherwhilehebrushedhersilkyskinwith
hislips.

"Itwon't...beenough,"shemoaned.

"MyGod,Iknowthat,"hesaidunsteadily.

Hemoved,easinghisbodyoverherssothatshecouldfeelhisarousal,hiseyesholdinghersashe
caughthisweightonhisforearmsandpressedhishipsintohers.

"You'dletme,rightnow,wouldn'tyou?"heaskedroughly.

"Yes."Sheletherhandslearntherigidmusclesofhisback,delightingintheslightroughnessofhis
skin.

Hismouthbenttohersandnibbledatherlowerlip."Thisisreallystupid."

"Idon'tcare.Ibelongtoyou."

Heshuddered.Thewordswentthroughhimwithincredibleimpact.Heactuallygasped.

"Well,Ido,"shewhispereddefensively.Hermouthopenedunderhis."Liftup,Harden."Heobeyed
thesoftwhisper,feelingherhandssuddenlybetweenthem.Hisshockedeyesmetherswhileshe
workedatthefasteningofhisbelt."MyGod,no!"heburstout.Hecaughtherhandandrolledontohis
back,shivering.

Shesatup,hereyescurious."No?"

"Youdon'tunderstand,"hegroundout.

Hersofteyessearchedhisface,seeingtherestraintthatwasalmostgone."Oh.YoumeanthatifI
touchyouthatway,thesamethingwillhappentoyouthathappenedtomewhen...whenyoudidit?"

"Yes."Hischeekswentruddy.Hestaredatherwithdesireandirritationandpainmingling."Ican'tlet
youdothat."

"Why?"sheaskedquietly.

"Callitanoverdoseofmalepride,"hemuttered,andthrewhislonglegsoffthesideofthebed.

"Oravicioushang-up.Callitwhateverthehellyoulike,butIcan'tletyou."Shewatchedhimgetto
hisfeetandcomearoundthebed,hiseyesslowandquietonherbarebreastsasshesatwatchinghim.
"Iletyou,"shepointedout.

"You'reawoman."Hedrewinajerkybreath."MyGod,you'reallwoman,"hesaidhuskily.

"We'llsetthebedonfireourfirsttime."

Sheflushed."You'reavoidingtheissue."

"SureIam."Hepulledherup,grabbedherknittop,andabruptlyhelpedherbackintoit."I'manold-
fashionedmanwithdozensofhang-ups—likebeingnudeinfrontofawoman,likeallowingmyself
tobesatisfiedwithawomanseeingmehelpless,like...Well,yougettheidea,don'tyou?"heasked
curtly.Heshoulderedintohisshirtandcaughtherhand,tuggingheralongwithhim."Feedme.I'm
starving."

Herheadwhirledwiththethingsshewaslearningabouthimasheledherintothekitchen.Hewasthe
mostfascinatingmanshe'deverknown.Butshewasbeginningtowonderjusthowexperiencedhe
was.Hedidn'tactlikealadies'man,evenifhekissedlikeone.Thememoryofthebabystillnagged
atthebackofhermind.ShewassorryaboutTim,too,butasshewentoverandoverthenightofthe
wreck,shebegantorealizethatnoonecouldhavedonemorethanshehad.Shewasanexperienced
driver,andacarefulone.AndTimhadbeendrinking.Shecouldn'thaveallowedhimbehindthe
wheel.Theroadswereslick,anothercarpulledoutinfrontofherwithoutwarning,andshereacted
instinctively,butafractionofasecondtoolate.Itwasfate.Ithadtobe.

Hewatchedhertoywithhersalad."Brooding?"heaskedgently.Sheliftedhergrayeyestohisand
pushedbackalongstrandofdisheveleddarkhair."Notreally.Iwasthinkingabouttheaccident.I've
beenpunishingmyselfformonths,butthepolicesaiditwasunavoidable,thattherewasnothingI
couldhavedone.They'dknow,wouldn'tthey?"

"Yes,"hetoldhergently."They'dknow."

"Timwasn'tgoodtome.Allthesame,Ihateitthathediedinsuchaway,"shesaidsadly."Iregret
losingmybaby."

"I'llgiveyouababy,"hesaidhuskily,hispaleeyesglitteringwithpossession.Shelookedup,
surprised,straightintohisface,andsawsomethingthatshedidn'tbegintounderstand."Youwant
children?"sheaskedsoftly.

Hiseyesfelltoherbreastsandbackuptohermouth."We'rebothdarkhaired.Youreyesaregrayand
mineareblue,andI'mdarkerskinnedthanyouare.They'llprobablyfavorbothofus."Herface
brightened."You...wantachildwithme?"shewhispered.Hewonderedaboutthatwide-eyeddelight.
Heknewshewasstillgrievingforherchild.Ifhecouldgiveheranotherone,itmighthelphertoget
overit.Evenifshedidn'tlovehim,shemightfindsomeaffectionforhimafterthebabycame.Ifhe
couldgetherpregnant.Heknewthatsomemenweresterile,andhe'dneverbeentested.Hedidn'twant
tothinkaboutthatpossibility.Hehadtoassumehecouldgiveherachild,forhisownpeaceofmind.
Shewassoterriblyvulnerable.Hefoundhimselfdriventoprotecther,togiveheranythingshe
neededtokeepgoing.

"Yes,"hesaidsolemnly."Iwantachildwithyou."

Shebeamed.Hereyessoftenedtothepalestsilverastheysearchedhishardface.

"Butnotrightaway,"hesaidfirmly."First,youandIaregoingtodosomeserioussocializing,getto

knoweachother.Therearealotofhurdleswehavetojumpbeforewefindaminister."Meaningher
marriageandherloss,sheassumed.Shemanagedasmile."Allright.Whateveryousay,Harden."

Hesmiledback.Thingsweregoingbetterthanhe'deverexpected.

MirandawasnervouswhenhedrovefromtheairportbacktotheTremayneranch.Shebarelyheard
whathesaidaboutthetownandthelandmarkstheypassed.Hismotherwasanunknownquantityand
shewashalfafraidofthefirstmeeting.She'dseenEvan,hiseldestbrother,atthehotel,sohewouldn't
beastranger.Butthereweretwootherbrothers,andbothofthemweremarried.Shewasallbut
holdingherbreathasHardenpulledthecarontotheranchroadandeventuallystoppedinfrontofa
white,two-storyclapboardhouse.

"Don'tfidget,"Hardenscoldedgently,approvingherwhitesundresswithitscolorfulbeltandher
sexyhigh-heelsandals."Youlookprettyandnobodyhereisgoingtosavageyou.Allright?"

"Allright,"shesaid,buthereyesweretroubledwhenhehelpedheroutofthecar.Theodora
Tremaynewashidinginthelivingroom,peekingoutofthecurtainswithEvan.

"He'sbroughtawomanwithhim!"sheburstout."He'stormentedmeforyearsforwhathappened,
firstabouthisrealfatherandthenaboutthat...thatgirlheloved."Sheclosedhereyes."Hethreatened
oncetobringmeaprostitute,togeteven,andthat'swhathe'sdoingrightnow,isn'the,Evan?He's
goingtogetevenwithmebybringingawomanofthestreetsintomyhome!"Evanwastooshocked
tospeak.BythetimehefinallyrealizedthathismotherknewnothingaboutMiranda,itwastoolate.
Hecouldevenunderstandwhyshe'dmadesuchanassumption,becausehe'dheardHardenmakethe
threat.Mirandawasacitygirl,andshedressedlikeone,withsophisticationandstyle.Theodora,with
hercountrybackground,couldeasilymistakeawomanshedidn'tknowforsomethingshewasn't.

ThefrontdooropenedandMirandawasmarchedintothelivingroombyHarden.

"Miranda,thisismymother,Theodora,"hesaidarrogantly,andwithoutawordofgreeting,which
onlycementedTheodora'shorrifiedassumption.

Mirandastaredatthesmall,darkwomanwhostoodwithclenchedhandsatherwaist.

"It's...verynicetomeetyou,"Mirandasaid,hervoiceshakingalittle,becausetheolderwomanhadn't
saidawordorcrackedasmileyet.Shelookedintimidatingandfuriouslyangry.Miranda'sface
flushedassherecognizedtheblatanthostilitywithoutunderstandingwhathadtriggeredit."Harden's
beenkindtome..."

"I'llbethehas,"Theodorasaidwithuncharacteristicvenominhervoice.Mirandawasn'tusedto
cruelty.Shedidn'tquiteknowhowtohandleit.Sheswalloweddowntears."I...IguessIreallyshould
go,Harden,"sheblurtedout,flushingviolentlyasshemetHarden'sfuriouseyes."I..."

"Whatkindofwelcomeisthis?"heaskedhismother.

"Whatkinddidyouexpect?"Theodoracountered,hereyesflashing."Thisisalow-downthingtodo
tome,Harden."

"Toyou?"hegrowled."HowdoyouthinkMirandafeels?"

"Idon'trememberextendinganyinvitations,"Theodorarepliedstiffly.Mirandawasreadytoget
underthecarpet."Please,let'sgo,"sheappealedtoHarden,almostfrantictoleave.

"Youjustgothere,"Evansaidshortly."Comeinandsitdown,forGod'ssake."ButMirandawouldn't
budge.HereyespleadedwithHarden.

Heunderstoodwithoutawordbeingspoken."Allright,littleone,"hesaidgently.Hishandsliddown
totakehersinagestureofquietcomfort."I'msorryaboutthis.We'llgo."

"Niceto...tohavemetyou,"Mirandastammered,readytorunforit.Hardenwasfurious,andlooked
it."Herhusbandwaskilledinacarwreckafewmonthsback,"hetoldhismother,watchingherface
stiffenwithsurprise."Shelostthebabyshewascarryingatthesametime.I'vebeenseeingherin
Chicago,andIwantedhertovisitJacobsville.Butconsideringthereceptionshejustgot,Idon't
imagineshe'llmisstheintroductions."Heturned,hisfingerscaressingMiranda's,whileEvanfumed
andTheodorafoughttears.

"Oh,no!No,please...!"Theodoraspokeinarush,embarrassedatherunkindness.Theyounger
womanlookedasifshe'dbeenwhipped,anddespiteHarden'slackofcourtesyintellingheraboutthis
visit,shecouldn'ttakeitoutonaninnocentperson.Itwasherownfaultthatshe'dleapedto
conclusions.

"Ireallyhavetogohome,"Mirandareplied,herredfacesayingfarmorethanthewords."Myjob...!"

Hardencursedunderhisbreath.Hebroughtherroughlytohissideandheldherthere,hiseyes
protectiveastheywentfromherbowedheadtohismother'stormentedface.

"IaskedMirandadownheretolethergettoknowmyfamilyandseeifshelikesitaroundhere,"he
saidwithacoldsmile."Becauseifshedoes,I'mgoingtomarryher.Wecanaccomplishthatwithout
imposingonyourhospitality,"hetoldTheodora."I'msurethelocalmotelhastworoomstospare."
MirandalookedupintoHarden'sface."Don't,"shesaidsoftly."Please,don't.Ishouldn'thavecome.
Takemetotheairport,please.Iwaswrongtocome."

"No,youweren't,"Evansaidcurtly.HeglaredatTheodoraandthenatHarden."Lookather,damnit!
Lookwhatyou'redoingtoher!"

TwopairsofeyessawMiranda'swhiteface,herhuge,tragiceyeswiththeirunnaturalbrightness.

"Evan'sright,"Theodorasaidwithasmuchdignityasshecouldgather."I'msorry,Miranda.Thisisn't
yourfight."

"Whichiswhyshe'sleaving,"Hardenadded.HedrewMirandaagainsthimandturnedher,gently
maneuveringheroutthedoorandbacktothecar.

"Whereareyougoing?"Theodoraaskedmiserably.

"Chicago,"Hardensaidwithoutbreakingstride.

"Shehasn'tmetDonaldandJoAnn,orConnalandPepi,"Evanremarkedfromtheporch.Hestuckhis

bighandsintohispockets."Nottomentionthatshehasn'thadtimetosayhellotothebullsinthebarn
orlearntorideahorse,orespecially,togettoknowme.Godknows,I'mtheflowerofthefamily."

Hardenraisedhiseyebrows."You?"

Evangloweredathim."Me.I'mtheeldest.AfterIwasborn,therestofyouwerejustanafterthought.
Youcan'timproveonperfection."

Mirandamanagedasmileatthebanter.Evanwaskind.

Theodoracamedownthestepsandpausedinfrontofhersonandtheotherwoman."I'vedonethis
badly,andI'msorry.You'reverywelcomeinmyhome,Miranda.I'dlikeyoutostay."Miranda
hesitated,lookingupatHardenuncertainly.

"You'llnevergettoseeallmysterlingqualitiesifyouleavenow,"Evansaid.Shesmiled
involuntarily.

"AndIjustbakedachocolatecake,"Theodoraaddedwithanunsteadysmile."Andmadeapotof
coffee.Youprobablydidn'thavemuchtoeatontheplane."

"Wedidn't,"Mirandaconfessed."Iwastoonervoustoeat."

"Notwithoutcause,either,itseems,"Hardensaidwithaglareathismother.

"Cutitout,orwe'llgoforawalkbehindthebarn,"Evansaidwithasmilethatdidn'ttouchhisdark
eyes."Rememberthelastone?"

"Youlostatooth,"Hardensaid.

"Iwasthinkingaboutyourbrokennose,"cametheeasyreply.

"Youcan'tfight,"Theodoratoldthem."Mirandaprobablyalreadythinksshe'sbeenlandedinabrawl.
Weshouldbeabletobeciviltoeachotherifwe

try."

"Forafewdays,anyway,"Evanagreed."Don'tworry,honey,I'llprotectyoufromthem,"hesaidina
stagewhisper.

Shedidlaugh,then,atthewickedsmileonhisbroadface.SheclungtoHarden'shandandwentback
intothehouse.

Theodorawaslessbrittleafterthey'dhadcoffee,butitwasn'tuntilEvantookHardenofftoseesome
newcattlethatshereallywarmedup.

"I'msorryaboutallthis,”shetoldMirandaearnestly."Harden...likestomakethingsdifficultforme,
yousee.Ididn'tknowyouwerecomingwithhim."

Mirandapaled."Hedidn'ttellyou?!"

Theodoragrimaced."Oh,dear.Youdidn'tknow,didyou?Ifeelevenworsenow."Shedidn't,couldn't
add,thatshe'dthoughtMirandawasawomanofthestreets.Thattragicyoungfacewaswounded
enoughwithoutaddinginsulttoinjury.

"I'msosorry...Icangetaroominthemotel,"shebeganalmostfrantically.Theodoralaidagentle
handonherarm."Don't.NowthatDonaldandJoAnnhavetheirownhome,likeConnalandPepi,I
neverhavemuchfemalecompany.I'llenjoyhavingsomeonetotalkto."ShestudiedMiranda'swan
face."Harden'sneverbroughtawomanhome."

"Hefeelssorryforme,"Mirandasaidbluntly."Andhewantsme."Herthinshouldersroseandfell."I
don'tknowwhyhewantstomarryme,really,buthe'srelentless,isn'the?IwasontheplanebeforeI
knewit."

Theodorasmiled."Yes,he'srelentless.Andhecanbecruel."Shedrewinasteadyingbreath."Ican't
pretendthathedoesn'thaveareasonforthat.I...hadanaffair.Hardenwastheresult."

"Yes,Iknow."Shereplied,hervoicegentle."Hetoldme."Theodora'seyeswidened."That'safirst!I
don'tthinkhe'severtoldanyoneelse."

"Isupposeheisn'tonhisguardsomuchwithme,"Mirandasaid."Yousee,Ihaven'thadmuchspirit
sincetheaccident."

"Itmusthavebeenterribleforyou.Youlovedyourhusband?"sheasked.

"Iwasfondofhim,"Mirandacorrected."Andsorrythathehadtodiethewayhedid.It'smybabythat
Imissthemost.Iwantedhimsomuch!"

"Ilosttwo,"Theodorasaidquietly."Iunderstand.Timewillhelp."Miranda'seyesnarrowedasshe
lookedattheolderwoman."Forgiveme,butit'smorethanjustthecircumstancesofHarden'sbirth
betweenthetwoofyou,isn'tit?"sheaskedverygently."There'ssomethingmore..."

Theodoracaughtherbreath."You'reveryperceptive,mydear.Yes,thereissomethingmore."

"Idon'tmeantopry,"MirandasaidwhenTheodorahesitated.

"No.It'syourrighttoknow.I'mnotsurethatHardenwouldevertalkaboutit."Sheleanedforward.
"Therewasagirl.Theywereverymuchinlove,butherparentsdisapproved.Theyhadplannedto
elopeandgetmarried."Theodora'seyeswentdullandsadwiththememory."Shecalledhereone
night,frantic,beggingtospeaktoHarden."Shegrimaced."He'dgonetobed,andIthoughtthey'dhad
aquarrelorsomethinganditcouldwaituntilmorning.HardenandIhaveneverbeenreallyclose,so
Iknewnothingoftheirplanstoelope,oreventhathewashonestlyinlovewithher.Sheseemedtobe
forevercallingatbadtimes.Iwastryingtofinishupinthekitchenbecauseitwaslate,andIwastired.
Ilied.Itoldherthathedidn'twanttotalktoheratthemoment,andIhungup."Mirandafrowned
slightly,notunderstanding.

Theodoralookedup."Herparentshadfoundoutabouttheelopementandweremakingarrangements
tosendhertoaschoolinSwitzerlandtogetherawayfromHarden.Icanonlyguessthathaving
Hardenrefusetospeaktoher,asImadeitsound,wasthelaststraw.Shewalkedoutontothesecond-

storybalconyofherhouseandjumpedoff,tothestonepatiobelow.Shediedinstantly."Miranda's
eyesclosedasshepicturedhowitwouldhavebeenforHardenafterthat.Hewassensitive,anddeep,
andtolosesomeonehe'dlovedthatmuchbecauseofathoughtlessphonecallmusthavetakenallthe
coloroutofhisworld.

"Yes,youunderstand,don'tyou?"Theodoraaskedquietly."Hestayeddrunkforweeksafterward."
Shedabbedattears."I'veneverforgivenmyself,either.Itwastwelveyearsago,butitmightaswell
havebeenyesterdayasfarasHardenisconcerned.That,addedtothecircumstancesofhisbirth,has
mademehisworstenemyandturnedhimagainstwomenwithavengeance."

"I'msorry,forbothofyou,"Mirandasaid."Itcan'thavebeenaneasythingtogetover."

Theodorasippedcoffeebeforeshespoke."Asyousee,Miranda,weallhaveourcrosses,"shemused.

"Yes."Shepickedupherowncoffeecup."Thankyoufortellingme."Theodora'seyesnarrowed."Do
youlovehim?"

Theyoungerwoman'sfaceflushed,butshedidn'tlookaway."Withallmyheart,"shesaid.Itwasthe
firsttimeshe'dadmittedit,eventoherself.

"Hardenisveryprotectiveofyou,"Theodoraobserved."Andheseemstobeserious."

"Hewantsmeverybadly,"Mirandasaid."Butwhetherornothefeelsanythingelse,onlyheknows.
Desireisn'tenough,really."

"Lovecangrowoutofit,though.Hardenknowshowtolove.He'sjustforgotten."Theodorasmiled.
"Perhapsyoucanreeducatehim."

Mirandasmiledback."Perhaps.You'resureyoudon'tmindifIstaywithyou?Iwasseriousaboutthe
motel."

"I'mverysure,Miranda."Theodorawatchedtheyoungfacerelax,andshewasgladshehadn'tmade
thesituationworsethanitwas.

EvanandHardenwereontheirwaybacktothehousebeforeEvansaidanythingaboutMiranda's
arrival.

"Ican'tbelieveyoubroughtherhome,"hemurmured,grinningathisyoungerbrother."Peoplewill
faintalloverJacobsvilleifyougetmarried."

Hardenshrugged."She'syoungandpretty,andwegetalong.It'stimeImarriedsomeone."Hiseyes
ranslowlyaroundtheproperty."Eveniftherearefourofus,we'llneedsonstohelpuskeeptheplace.
I'dhatetoseeitcutupintosubdivisionsoneday."

"SowouldI."Evanshovedhisbighandsintohispockets."Motherthoughtyouwerebringingthat
streetwalkeryouthreatenedherwithonce.NotthatIexpectyou'dknowastreetwalkerifyousaw
one,"hemurmureddryly,"consideringyouryearsofcelibacy."Hardenlettheinsinuationgo,ashe
alwaysdid,buthefrowned."Youdidn'ttellTheodorawhoMirandawas?"

"Istartedto,buttherewasn'ttime."Hisexpressionsobered."Youshouldhavecalledfirst.Nomatter
whatvendettasyou'reconductingagainstMother,youoweheralittlecommoncourtesy.Presenting
herwithahouseguestandnoadvancenoticeisunforgivable."

Harden,surprisingly,agreed."Yes,Iknow."Hebrokeoffatwigfromthelow-hanginglimbofoneof
thepecantreesastheypassedthroughthesmallorchardandtoyedwithit."HasTheodoraevertalked
aboutmyrealfather?"heaskedsuddenly.

ChapterEight

Evan'seyebrowsshotupandhestoppedwalking.Hardenhadneveronceaskedanythingabouthis
realfather.Hehadn'tevenwantedtoknowtheman'sname.

"Whatbroughtonthatquestion?"heasked.

Hardenfrowned."Idon'tknow.I'mjustcurious.I'dliketoknowsomethingabouthim,that'sall."

"You'llhavetoaskMother,then,"Evantoldhim."Becauseshe'stheonlyonewhocantellyouwhat
youwanttoknow."

Hegrimaced."Wouldn'tshelovethat?"heaskeddarkly.

Evanturned."She'lldieoneday,"hesaidshortly."You'regoingtohavetolivewiththewayyoutreat
her."

Hardenlookeddangerousforaminute,buthiseyescalmed.Hestaredoutovertheland."Yes,I
know,"heconfessed."Butshe'sgotsomethingstodealwithherself."

"Ihaveasimplerphilosophythanyou,"Evansaidquietly."Ibelievethatthedaywedieis
preordained.Thatbeingthecase,Icanaccepttragedyalittlebetterthanyoucan.Ifyouthink
TheodoraplayedGodthatnight,thinkagain.Youofallpeopleshouldknowthatnobodycaninterfere
ifGodwantssomeonetolive."

Harden'sheartjumped.Hescowled,buthedidn'tspeak.

"Hadn'tconsideredthat,hadyou?"Evanasked."You'vebeensoeatenupwithhatredandvengeance
thatyouhaven'teventhoughtaboutGod'shandinlife.You'rethechurchgoer,notme.Whydon'tyou
trylivingwhatyoupreach?Let'sseealittleforgiveness,orisn'tthatwhatyourreligionissupposed
tobeallabout?"

HewalkedaheadofHardentothehouse,leavingtheothermanquietandthoughtful.Supperthat
eveningwasboisterous.DonaldandJoAnnwerelivewires,vyingwithEvanforwisecracks,andthey
madeupforHarden'sbroodingandTheodora'sdiscomfort.

Donaldwasshorterandmorewirythanhisbrothers,althoughhehaddarkhairandeyeslikeEvan.Jo
Annwasredheadedandblue-eyed,alittledollwithareadysmileandabigheart.Theytookto
Mirandaatonce,andshebegantofeelmoreathomebytheminute,despiteHarden'slackof
enthusiasmforthegathering.

Afterthemeal,Hardenexcusedhimselfandwentoutside.Hedidn'taskMirandatojoinhim,butshe
did.

Heglancedbackather,startled."Ithoughtyouwerehavingthetimeofyourlifewiththefamily."

Shesmiledathisbelligerence.Itwasuncanny,howwellsheunderstoodhim.Hewastheoutsider;he
didn'tfitin.Hewasonhisguardandfranklyjealousoftheattentionshewasgettingfromthefamily
hepretendedhewasn'tapartof.Shecouldn'tletonthatsheknewthat,ofcourse.Shemovedtojoin
himontheporchswing,wherehewaslazilysmokingacigarette.

"Ilikeyourfamilyverymuch,"sheagreed."ButIcameherebecauseofyou."Hewastouched.He
hadn'tbeenwrongaboutherafterall.Sheseemedtoknowthingsabouthim,emotionally,thathe
couldn'tmanagetosharewithherinwords.Hesitantlyheslidhisfreearmaroundheranddrewher
close,lovingthewaysheclung,herhandrestingwarmlyoverhischestwhiletheswingcreaked
rhythmicallyonitschains.

"It'ssopeacefulhere,"shesaidwithasigh.

"Toopeacefulforyou,citygirl?"heteasedgently.

Shestartedtotellhimaboutherbackground,butshedecidedtokeephersecretforalittlelonger.He
hadtowantherforherself,notjustbecauseshecouldfitinonaranch.Shedidn'twanttoprejudice
hisdecisionaboutmarryingheruntilshewassureofhisfeelings.

"ItravelagooddealAndI'llkeeptheapartmentinHouston.Youwon'tgettoobored,"hepromised
her.Hestaredatherdarkheadwithnewpossession."Liftyourface,Miranda,"hesaid,hisvoicesoft
anddeepinthequiet."I'mgoingtokissyou."Sheobeyedhimwithoutconsciousthought,waitingfor
hismouth.Itwassmokyfromthecigarette,andstillwarmfromthecoffeehe'dhadwithsupper.But
mostofall,itwasslow,andalittlerough,andverythorough.

Asoftmoanbrokethesilence.Sheliftedherarms,startledbytheonrushofpassionthatmadeher
desperateformoreofhimthanthis.

Ifshefeltit,sodidhe.Thecigarettewentoverthebanisterasheliftedheracrosshim,andthekiss
wentfromaslowexplorationtoastatementofintentinseconds.

Sheheardhimcurseunderhisbreathashefoughtthebuttonsofhershirtwaistdress,andthenhis
handwasonher,possessiveinitscaressingwarmth.

"Miranda,"hewhisperedintohermouth.Hishandwasfaintlytremulouswhereittracedtheswollen
contoursofherbreast.

Heliftedhisheadanddrewthedressawayfromherbody,buttheporchwastoodarktosuithim.He
stoodupwithMirandainhisarmsandmovedtowardthesetteeagainstthewall,wherethelightfrom
thelivingroomfilteredthroughthecurtainsontotheporch.

"Wherearewegoing?"Mirandaasked,dazedbytheforceofherowndesire.

"Intothelight,"hesaidhuskily,"Ihavetoseeyou."HesatdownwithMirandainhisarms,turningher

sothathecouldseeherbreasts."Ihavetolookatyou...Yes!"

"Harden?"Shebarelyrecognizedherownhigh-pitchedvoice,soshakenwasshebythelookonhis
face.

"You'rebeautiful,littleone,"hewhispered,meetinghereyes.Hishandmovedandsheshivered.His
headbenttohermouth,brushingittenderly."Doyouhaveanyideawhatyoudotome?"

"Thesamethingyoudotome,Ihope,"shewhispered.Herbodyarchedhelplessly."Harden,"she
moaned."Someonecouldcomeouthere.Oh,can'twegosomewhere...?"Hecaughthisbreathand
lookedaroundalmostdesperately."Yes."Hegotupandbuttonedherdeftlybackintoherdress,only
tocatchherhandandleadheralongwithhim.Hismindwasbarelyworkingatall.Nowhereinthe
housewassafe,withthatcrowd.Neitherwasthebarn,becausetwocalvingheiferswereinthere,
beingcloselywatchedastheypreparedtodroppurebredcalves.Hiseyesfoundhiscar,andhesighed
withresignationashedrewMirandatowardit.Heputherinsideandclimbedinwithher,turningher
intohisarmstheinstantthedoorwasclosed.

"Now,"hebreathedagainstherwaitingmouth.

Heunbuttonedthedressagainandfoundherwithhishands,andthenwithhismouth.Herarmsclung
tohim,lovingthenewnessofbeingwithhimlikethis,ofenjoyingphysicalintimacy.Sheslidher
handsinsidehisshirtandfoundthehard,hair-roughenedwarmthofhischest,likingthewayhe
respondedtohersearchingtouch.

"Here,"hesaidcurtly,unfasteningtheshirtallthewaydown.Hegatheredhertohiminsideit,
pressinghersoftbreastsintothehardmusclesofhischest.Heliftedhisheadandlookeddownat
wheretheytouched,atthecontrasts,inthelightthatglaredoutofthebarnwindow.Hemovedher
awayjustalittle,sothathecouldseethehardtipsofherbreastsbarelytouchinghim,theirdeep
mauveduskyagainsthistannedskin.Hisforefingertouchedherthere,andhisblueeyesliftedtoher
silveryoneswhenshegasped.

"Whydoyou...watchmelikethat?"shewhispered.

"IenjoythewayyoulookwhenItouchyou,"hesaidsoftly."Youreyesglow,likesilverinsunlight."
Hisgazewenttoherswollenmouth,downhercreamythroattoherbreasts."Yourbody...colors,like
yourcheeks,whenItouchyouintimately.Eachtimeislikethefirsttimeyou'veknownaman'slove-
making.That'swhy."

"It'sthefirsttimeIeverfeltlikethis,"shereplied."ItalwaysembarrassedmewithTim.Ifelt...in-
adequate."shesearchedhisnarroweyes.Helookedverysensuouswithhisshirtunbuttonedandhis
hairdisheveledbyherhands."I'veneverbeenembarrassedwithyou."

"It'snatural,isn'tit?"heaskedquietly."Likebreathing."Hisforefingerbegantotracethehardnipple
andsheclutchedhisshirtandshuddered."Addictiveanddangerous,"hewhisperedashismouth
hoveredoverhersandhistouchgrewmoresensual,morearousing."Like...loving..."Hismouth
coveredhersbeforeshecouldbecertainthatshe'dheardthewordatall,andthenitwastoolateto
think.Shegavehimhermouth,allofherbodythathewanted,abandonedandpassionatelyinlove,
totallywithoutshame.

"No,don't!"sheweptfranticallywhenhepulledback.

Hestilledherhandsanddrewherclose,rockingheragainsthim.Hewasshivering,too,andhisvoice
wasstrained."Ihurt,littleone,"hewhispered."Bestill.Letmecalmdown."Shebitherlowerlipuntil
shealmostdrewblood,tremblinginhisarms.Hewhisperedtoher,soothedherwithhisvoiceandhis
handsuntilshecalmedandlaystillagainsthim,tryingtobreathe.Heletoutalongbreath."MyGod,
it'sbeenalongtimesinceI'vebeenthatexcitedbyawoman.AfewmoresecondsandIcouldn'thave
pulledbackatall."

Shenuzzledherfaceintohishotthroat."Woulditbetheendoftheworldifwewentalltheway?"she
whisperedboldly.

“No.Probablynot.ButasmybrotherEvanremindedmeaboutsomethingelsetonight,it'stimeI
startedpracticingwhatIpreach.IwantaringonyourfingerbeforeImakelovetoyoucompletely."

"You'reahopelessPuritan,"shemurmureddryly.

"Yes,Iam,"heagreed.Heraisedhischeekfromherdarkhair."Andaprettydesperateone.Namea
date."

Shestaredathimworriedly.Shewassure.Butitwashisbodythatwantedhermost,nothisheart.
"Harden,youhavetobesure."

"I'msure."

"Iknowhowbadlyyouwantme,"shebegan,frowninguncertainly."Buttherehastobemorethanjust
that."

Hedidn'tlisten.Hewaslookingdownhisnoseatherwithglitteryblueeyes."Youcanhavetwoweeks
tomakeupyourmind."

"And,afterthat?"sheaskedslowly.

"Afterthat,I'llpickyouup,flyyoudowntoMexico,andyou'llbemarriedbeforeyouhavetimeto
argueaboutit."

"That'snotfair!"sheexclaimed.

"Idon'tfeelfair,"heshotback."MyGod,I'malive,reallyalive,forthefirsttimeinmylife,andso
areyou.I'mnotgoingtoletyouthrowthisaway."

"Butwhatifit'salljustphysical?"shegroaned.

"Thenit'sstillmorethanfouroutoffivecoupleshave.You'llgetusedtome.Iwon'tpretendthatit's
goingtobeeasy,butyouwill.I'llneverliftahandtoyou,ordoanythingtoshameyou.Iwon'tstifle
youasaperson.AllI'llexpectfromyouisfidelity.Andlater,perhaps,achild."

"I'dliketohaveafamily,"shesaidquietly.Sheloweredhereyes."Isupposesometimeswedoget
secondchances,don'twe?"

He'dbeenthinkingthesamething.Hisfingerstouchedhercheek,smoothingdowntohermouth.
"Yes.Sometimeswedo,Miranda."Hebrushedherlipsgentlywithhisbeforeherearrangedtheir
disheveledclothingandledherbacktothehouse.

Mirandafeltlikeanactressplayingapartforthenextfewdays.DeterminedtofindoutifHarden
couldacceptherashethoughtshewas,sheplayedthecityingenuetothehilt.Leavingthejeansand
cottonshirtsshe'dpackedstillintheircases,shechoseherbestdressslacks—whiteones,ofcourse—
andsilkblousestoweararoundtheranch.Shedidhermakeupascarefullyasifsheweregoingto
work.Sheactedasifshefoundthecattlesmellyandfrightening.

"Theywon'thurtyou,"Hardensaid,anditwastakingarealeffortnottoreactbadlytothissideof
her.Hedidn'tknowwhathe'dexpected,butitwasn'ttofindherafraidofcattle.Thatwasabadomen.
Worse,shebalkedwhenheofferedtotakeherriding.

"Idon'tlikehorses,"shelied."I'veonlybeenonthemonceortwice,andit'suncomfortableandscary.
Can'twegointhetruck?"

Hardenhadtobitehistongue."Ofcourse,wecan,"hesaidwithgentlemanlycourtesy."Itdoesn't
matter."

Itdid,though,shecouldtell.Sheclungtohisarmastheywalkedbackfromthebarn,becauseshewas
wearinghighheels.

"Honey,don'tyouhavesomelessdressyslacksandsomeflatshoes?"heaskedafteraminute,
frowningdownather."That'sreallynottherigtoweararoundhere.You'llruinyourprettythings."
Shesmiledattheconsiderationandpressedcloser."Idon'tcare.Ilovebeingwithyou."Hisarmslid
aroundher,andallhisworriesaboutherabilitytofitindisappearedlikefoginsunlight."Ilikebeing
withyou,too,"hesaidquietly.Heheldheragainsthisside,awareofmingledfeelingsofpeaceand
riotousdesireandpleasureashefelthersoftnessmeltintohisstrengthsotrustingly.

"Itbothersyou,doesn'tit,thatI'mnotacountrygirl?"sheaskedwhentheyreachedthetruck.He
frowned.Hispaleblueeyessearchedhergrayones."Itisn'tthatimportant,"hesaidstubbornly."After
all,youwon'tbeexpectedtohelpmeherdcattleorpullcalves.Wehaveothercommoninterests."

"Yes.Likewalksintheparkandsciencefictionmoviesandquietnightsathomewatchingtelevision,"
shesaid,grinningupathim.

Thefrowndidn'tfade.Hecouldn'tputitintowords,butitwasalittlesurprisingthatawomanwho
likedtheparkandloathedpartieswouldn'tberightathomeonaranch.Heshruggeditoffandputher
intothecabofthetruckbesidehim,drivingaroundtowhereOldManRed,theirprize-winningSanta
Gertrudisbulllivedinair-conditionedluxuryinhisownbarn.Mirandahadtostifleagaspofpure
pleasurewhenshesawtheenormousanimal.Hehadthemostbeautifulconformationshe'deverseen,
andshe'dseenplentyinherchildhoodandadolescenceonherfather'sSouthDakotaranch.Sheknew
OldManRed'snamefromthelivestocksalepapers,fromtheannualbreeders'editions.Hewasa
legendincattlecircles,andherehestood,closeenoughtotouch.Hisprogenythrivednotonlyinthe
UnitedStates,butincountriesaroundtheworld.

"He'ssobig,"shesaid,sighingwithunconsciousdelight.

"Ourprideandjoy,"Hardenreplied.Hereachedoutandsmoothedtheanimal'smuzzleaffectionately.
"He'sbeencossetedsomuchthathe'snothingbutabigpetthesedays."

"Anexpensiveone,I'llbet,"shesaid,tryingnottogiveawayherownknowledgeofhisvalue.

"Heisthat."Helookeddownather."Ithoughtyoudidn'tlikecattle,citygirl,"hemurmured.

"Youreyessuresparklewhenyoulookathim."

Shereacheduptohisear."Roastbeef,"shewhispered."I'mdrooling."

"Youcannibal!"heburstout,andlaughed.

Thesoundwasnew,andpleasant.Startled,shelaughed,too."I'msorry.Thatwasunforgivable,wasn't
it?"shemused.

"I'drathereatmyolderbrotherEvanthanputaforktoOldManRed!"Hereyebrowswentup."Poor
Evan!"

"No,poorme,"hereplied."He'dprobablytakeweeksoftenderizingjusttobedigestible."Sheslid
herfingersintohisandfollowedhimdownthewideaisleofthebarn,happierthanshecouldever
rememberbeing."Didyougrowuphere?"

Henodded."MybrothersandIusedtoplaycowboyandIndian."

"YoualwaysgottobetheIndian,"sheimagined.

Hefrowned."Howdidyouknowthat?"

"You'restoic,"shesaidsimply."Verydignifiedandaloof."

"SoisConnal.You'llmeethimtonight.He'sbringingPepiandthebabyover."Hehesitated,staringat
herexpression."It'sgoingtohurt,isn'tit?"Sheturned,lookingupathim."Notifyou'rewithme."

Hisbreathcaught.Shemadehimfeelsonecessary.Hecaughtherbythearmsanddrewherslowlyto
him,enfoldingher.Helaidhischeekagainstherdarkhairandthewindblewdownthelongaisle,
bringingthescentoffreshhayandcattlewithit.

"Isupposeyouplayedwithdollswhenyouwerealittlegirl,"hemurmured.

"Notreally.Ilikedto—"Shestoppeddead,becauseshecouldn'tadmit,justyet,thatshewasridingin
rodeoswhenshewasingrammarschool.Winningtrophies,too.ThankGodSamhadkeptthoseat
hishouse,soHardenhadn'tseenthemwhenhecametoherapartment.

"Youlikedto...?"heprompted.

"Playdress-upinmother'sbestclothes,"sheinvented.

"Girlstuff,"hemurmured."IlikedIndianlegwrestlingandchasinglizardsandsnakes."

"Yuuck!"shesaideloquently.

"Snakesarebeneficial,"hereplied."Theyeatthemicethateatupourgrain."

"Ifyousayso."

Hetiltedherfaceuptohisdancingeyes."Tenderfoot,"heaccused,buthemadeitsoundlikeacaress.

"You'dbehappierwithacountrygirl,wouldn'tyou?"sheaskedsoftly."Someonewhocouldrideand
likedcattle."

Hedrewinaslow,evenbreathandlethiseyeswanderslowlyoverthegentleovalofherface.

"Wedon'tgettopickandchoosethequalitiesandabilitiesthatmakeupaperson.Yourinnerqualities
aremuchmoreimportanttomethananytalentyoumighthavehadforhorsebackriding.You'reloyal
andhonestandcompassionate,andinmyarms,youburn.That'senough."Hescowled."AmIenough
foryou,though?"

"Whataquestion!"sheexclaimed,touchedbythewayhe'ddescribedher.

"I'mhardandunsociable.Idon'tgotopartiesandIdon'tpullmypuncheswithpeople.Thereare
timeswhenbeingaloneislikeareligiontome.Ifinditdifficulttosharethings,feelings."Hisbroad
shouldersliftedandfell,andhelookedbrieflyworried."Addedtothat,I'vebeendownonwomenfor
somanyyearsitisn'tevenfunny.Youmayfindmetoughgoing."Shesearchedhiseyesquietly."You
didn'tevenlikemewhenwefirstmet,butyoucameaftermewhenyouthoughtImightbesuicidal.
Youlookedaftermeandyouneveraskedforanything."Shesmiledgently."Mr.Tremayne,Iknew
everythingIneededtoknowaboutyouafterjusttwenty-fourhours."

Hebentandbrushedhismouthoverhereyelidswithbreathlesstenderness."WhatifIfailyou?"he
whispered.

"WhatifIfailyou?"shereplied.Shesavoredthetouchofhismouthonherface,keenlyawareofthe
risingtideofheatinherbloodashishandsbegantomoveupherback."I'macitygirl...."Hisbreath
grewunsteady."Idon'tcare,"hesaidroughly.Hismouthbegantosearchforhers,hardandinsistent.
Hishandswenttoherhipsandjerkedthemupintohis."MyGod,Idon'tcarewhatyouare!"His
mouthcrusheddownagainstherpartedlips,andhislastsanethoughtwasthatshewaseverybitas
wildforhimashewasforher.

Heatedsecondslater,shefelthismouthliftandhereyesopenedslowly,dazed.

"Harden,"shebreathed.

Histeethdelicatelycaughtherupperlipandtracedit."DidIhurtyou?"hewhispered.

"No."Herarmslinkedaroundhisneckandshelayagainsthimheavily,herheartbeatshakingher,her
eyesclosed.

"WecanliveinHouston,"hesaidunsteadily."Maybesomedayyou'lllearntoliketheranch.Ifyou
don't,itdoesn'tmatter."

Hermindregisteredwhathewassaying,butbeforeshecouldrespondtoit,hismouthwasonhers
again,andsheforgoteverything....

Connalandhiswife,Pepi,camethatnight.Theybroughtalongtheirson,Jamie,whoimmediately
becamethecenterofattention.

Pepididn'tknowaboutMiranda'slostbaby,becausenobodyhadtoldher.Butshenoticedasad,
wistfullookontheotherwoman'sfacewhenshelookedatthechild.

"Something'swrong,"shesaidsoftly,touchingMiranda'sthinhandwhilethemengatheredtotalk
cattleandTheodorawashelpingJeanieMayinthekitchen."Whatisit?"Mirandatoldher,finding
somethinggentleandveryspecialintheotherwoman'sbrowneyes.

"I'msorry,"Pepisaidafterward."Butyou'llhaveotherbabies.Iknowyouwill."

"Ihopeso,"Mirandareplied,smiling.InvoluntarilyhereyeswenttoHarden.

"Connalsayshe'sneverbroughtawomanhomebefore,"Pepisaid."Therewassomethingaboutan
engagementyearsago,althoughIneverfoundoutexactlywhat.IknowthatHardenhatesTheodora,
andhe'stakenitoutoneverywomanwhocamenearhim.Untilnow,"sheadded,herbigeyes
searchingMiranda's."Youmustbeveryspecialtohim."

"IhopeIam,"Mirandasaidearnestly."Idon'tknow.It'ssortoflikeatrialperiod.We'regettingto
knoweachotherbeforehedecideswhenwe'llgetmarried.

"Oh.Soit'slikethat,"Pepisaid,grinning.

"He'sabulldozer."

"AlltheTremaynebrothersare,evenDonald,youjustaskJoAnn."Pepilaughed."Iusedtobescared
todeathofHardenmyself,buthesetmerightaboutConnalonceandmaybesavedmymarriage."

"Hecanbesointimidating,"Mirandaagreed."Evan'stheonlyeven-temperedone,fromwhatIsee."

"GetHardentotellyouaboutthetimeEvanthrewoneofthecowboysoverafence,"Pepichuckled.
"It'saneye-opener.Evan'sdeep,andnotquitewhatheseems."

"He'sfriendly,atleast,"Mirandasaid.

"Ifhelikesyou.Ihearhecanbeverydifficultifhedoesn't.Don'tyouloveTheodora?"

"Yes,Ido,"Mirandareplied."Wegotofftoarockystart.Hardenbroughtmedownwithoutwarning
Theodorafirst,butshewarmedupafterwewereproperlyintroduced.I'menjoyingit,now."

Pepifrowned."Ithoughtyoudidn'tlikeranchlife."

"I'mgettingusedtoit,Ithink."

"You'lllikeitbetterwhenyoulearntoride,"theotherwomanpromised."IhearHarden'sgoingto

teachyouhow."

Miranda'ssilvereyesopenedwide."Heis?"sheaskedwithassumedinnocence.

"Yes.You'llenjoyit,Iknowyouwill.Horsesareterrific."

"SoIhear."

"Justneverletthemknowyou'reafraidofthem,andyou'lldofine."Thebabycriedsuddenly,and
Pepismileddownathim,hereyessoftwithlove."Hungry,littleboy?"sheaskedtenderly.

"Miranda,couldyouholdhimwhileIdigouthisbottle?"

"Oh,ofcourse!"cametheimmediatereply.

Pepiwenttoheatthebottle,andMirandasighedoverthetinylaughingface,herownmirroringher
utterdelight.

Shewasn'tawareofHarden'sstareuntilhekneltbesideherandtouchedatinylittlehandwithonebig
finger.

"Isn'thebeautiful?"Mirandaasked,hereyesfindinghis.Henodded.Hiseyesdarkened,narrowed.
Hisbodyburnedwithsuddenneed."Doyouwantmetogiveyouachild,Miranda?"heaskedhuskily.

Herfacecolored.Herlipsparted.Hersofteyessearchedhisandlinkedwiththeminthesilencethat
followed.

"Yes,"shesaidunsteadily.

Hiseyesflashed,glitteringdownather."Thenyou'dbettermakeupyourmindtomarryme,hadn't
you?"

"Admiringyournephew?"Pepiaskedasshejoinedthem,breakingthespell.

"He'stheimageofConnal,"Hardenmused.

"Isn'the,though?"Pepisighed,smilingtowardherhusband,whoreturnedthelookwithbreathless
tenderness.

"Stopthat,"Hardenmuttered."Youpeoplehavebeenmarriedoverayear."

"Itgetsbettereveryday,"Pepiinformedhim.Shegrinned."Yououghttotryit."

"Iwantto,ifIcouldgetmyintendedtoagree,"hemurmureddryly,watchingMirandaclosely.

"She'sasslowasmolassesaboutmakinguphermind."

"Andyou'reimpatient,"sheaccusedhim.

"Can'thelpit,"hereplied."Itisn'teverydaythatamanrunsacrossagirllikeyou.Idon'twantEvanto

snapyouup."

"Didyoumentionmyname?"Evanasked,grinningashetoweredoverthem."Nicejob,Pepi,"he
said."Now,howaboutaniece?"

"Don'trushme,"shesaid."I'mjustgettingusedtomakingformula."

"You'reanatural.Lookatthesmileonthatlittleface."

"Whydon'tyougetmarriedandhavekids?"

ConnalaskedtheeldestTremayneashesaunteredovertothesmallgroup.Evan'sexpressionclosed
up."Itoldyouonce,theytramplemetryingtogettohim."HestuckafingertowardHarden.

"They'llhavetogetpastMirandanow,though,"Connalreplied."Hardenwillgoontheendangered
specieslist."

"Evanhasbeenonitforyears,"Hardenchuckled."ExceptthatAnnacan'tconvincehimshe'sserious
competition."

"Idon'trobcradles,"Evansaidcoldly.Hisdarkeyesglittered,andhisusualgoodnaturewentinto
eclipse,givingaglimpseoftheformidablemanbehindthesmilingmask.

"Yourmotherwasnineteenwhenshemarried,wasn'tshe?"Pepiaskedhim.

"Thatwasbackinthedarkages."

"Youmightaswellgiveup,"Connalsaid,slidingapossessivearmaroundhiswifeashesmiled
downather."He'sworsethanHardenwas."

"MeaningthatHardenisimproving?"Evanasked,forcingasmile.HestudiedHardenclosely.

"Youknow,heis.He'sactuallybeenpleasantsincehe'sbeenhomethistime.Anicechange,"hetold
Miranda,"fromhisfirstfewdayshomefromChicago,whenhetookrustoffoldnailswithhis
tongueandcausedtwowranglerstoquitonthespot."

"Hewashorrible,"Connalagreed."MotheraskedifshecouldgoandlivewithDonaldandJoAnn."

Evanchuckled."ThenshetookbacktheofferbecauseIthreatenedtoloadmygun.She'sfonderof
Hardenthansheisoftherestofus."

Harden'sfacewenttaut."That'senough."

Evanshrugged."It'snobigfamilysecretthatyou'reherfavorite,"heremindedtheotherman.

"It'syoursweetnaturethatstoleherheart."

Once,Hardenwouldhaveswungonhisbrotherforthatremark.Now,heactuallysmiled."Sheshould
havehityouharderwhileshehadthechance."

"Igrewtoofast,"Evansaidimperturbably.

"Areyousureyou'vestoppedyet?"Connalmused,lookingupattheotherman.Evandidn'tanswer
him.Hissizewashissorespot,andConnalhadbeenawaylongenoughtoforget.Heturnedbackto
Harden."DidyouevergetintouchwithScarboroughaboutthatshipmentthatgotheldupinFort
Worth?"

"Yes,Idid,"Hardensaid."It'sallironedoutnow."

"That'sarelief."

Themendriftedbacktobusinesstalk,andPepiandMirandaplayedwiththebabyuntilTheodora
rejoinedthem.Dinnerwasonthetableshortly,andallthesolemnitydiedoutoftheoccasion.Miranda
couldn'trememberwhenshe'denjoyedanythingmore.

Hardennoticedhoweasilyshefitinwithhisfamily,anditpleasedhim.Shemightnotbetheideal
ranchwife,butshewasspecial,andhewantedher.

They'dhaveagoodmarriage.They'dmakeitwork.Butonethinghedidmeantodo,andthatwasto
showMirandahowtorideahorse.Tomorrow,hepromisedhimself.Tomorrow,hewasgoingto
easeherontoatamehorseandcoaxhertoridewithhim.Onceshelearnedhow,shewasgoingto
loveit.Thatwouldgetonehurdleoutoftheway.

Therestwouldtakecareofthemselves.HewatchedMirandawithanexpressionthatwouldhave
knockedthebreathoutofherifshe'dseenit.Theflickeringlightsinhispaleblueeyesweremuch
morethaninfatuationorphysicalinterest.Theywerethebeginningsofsomethingdeepandpoignant
andreal.

ChapterNine

Thenextmorning,Hardenknockedonherdoorearlierthanhehadsincethey'dbeenattheranch.

“Getupandputonsomejeansandbootsandacottonshirt,"hecalled."Ifyoudon'thaveany,we'll
borrowsomeofJoAnn'sforyou—she'saboutyoursize."

"I'vegotsome,"shecalledback."Whatareyouupto?"

"I'mgoingtoteachyoutoride.Comeondowntothestableswhenyoufinishbreakfast.I'vegottogo
andgetthemenstarted."

"Okay,"shecalledwithsilentglee."I'djustlovetolearnhowtoride!"

"Good.Hurryup,honey."

Hisbootedfootstepsdiedaway,andMirandalaugheddelightedlyasshedressed.Nowthathewas
readytoacceptthecitygirlhethoughtshewas,itwastimetolethiminonthetruth.Itwas,she
anticipated,goingtobedelicious!

ItwaslikegoingbackintimeforMiranda,whowasrightathomeinjeansandbootsanda

redcheckedcottonshirt.Hardenmetheratthestables,wherehealreadyhadtwohorsessaddled.

"Youlookcute,"hesaid,grinningattheponytail."Almostlikeacowgirl."Andyouain'tseennothin'
yet,cowboy,shewasthinking."I'mgladIlookthepart,"shesaidbrightly."Whatdowedofirst?"

"First,youlearnhowtomount.Now,there'snothingtobeafraidof,"heassuredher."Thisisthe
gentlesthorseontheplace.I'llleadyouthroughthebasics.Anyonecanlearntoride.Allyouhaveto
doispayattentionanddowhatItellyou."

Hemadeitsoundasifshe'dneverseenahorse.Ofcourse,heknewnothingaboutherpast,butstill,
herpridebegantostingashewentthroughthosebasicsinafaintlycondescendingtone.

"Thehardestpartisgettingonthehorse,"heconcluded."Butthere'snothingtoit,onceyouknow
how.It'llonlytakeaminutetoteachyoutherightwaytodoit."

"Oh,I'dlovetolearntherightwaytogetonahorse!"sheexclaimedwithmockenthusiasm.

"Uh,wouldyouholdthereinsaminute?"sheaskedwithtwinklingeyes.

"Sure."Hefrownedashetookthem."Whatfor?"

"You'llsee."Shewalkedawayfromhim,tryingnottodoubleupwithmischievouslaughterasshe
thoughtaboutwhatshewasgoingtodo.

"Gothim?"shecalledwhenshewasseveralyardsaway.

"I'vegothim,"hesaidimpatiently."Whatinhelldoyouwantmetodowithhim?"

"Justholdhim,whileIshowyouhowI'vebeengettingonhorses."Shegotherbearingsandsuddenly
tookofftowardthehorseatadeadrun.Shejumped,balancedbrieflyonherhandsonthehorse's
rump,andvaultedintothesaddleascleanlyandneatlyasshe'ddoneitinrodeosyearsago.Thelook
onHarden'sfacewasworthmoney.Evanhadbeenstandingnearby,andhesawit,too,buthedidn't
lookasifhetrustedhiseyes.

Mirandashookbackherponytailandlaugheddelightedly."Gosh,youlookstrange,"shetoldHarden.

"Youdidn'ttellmeyoucoulddothat!"heburstout.

Sheshrugged."Nothingtoit.ItookfirstprizesinbarrelracingbackinSouthDakota,andDadused
tosayIwasthebesthorsemanhehadontheplace."

"Whatplace?"heaskedexplosively.

"Hisranch,"shereplied.Shegrinnedathisshell-shockedexpression."Well,you'retheonewhosaidI
wasacitygirl,weren'tyou?"

Harden'sfacewaveredandbrokeintothemostbeautifulsmileshe'deverseen.Hisblueeyesbeamed
upatherwithadmirationandprideandsomethingmore,somethingsoftandelusive.

"Fullofsurprises,aren'tyou?"heasked,layingaleanhandonherthigh.

"IreckonIam,"shechuckled."GotahatIcanborrow?"

"Here."Evantossedherone,barelyconcealingachuckle."My,my,theymusthavelotsofhorsesin
Chicago.Yousuredolookexperiencedatgettingonthem."

"She'saSouthDakotaranchgirl,"Hardentoldhimdryly."Niceofhertosharethattidbit,wasn'tit?"

"Nothingliketheelementofsurprise,"Mirandasaidsmugly,puttingtheoversizehaton.She
gloweredatEvanwithitcoveringherears."Ifyou'llgetmeahandle,Icanuseitforanumbrella."
Evanglaredather."Idonothaveabighead."

"Oh,no,ofcoursenot,"sheagreed,floppingthehatbackandforthonherhead.ShegrinnedatEvan.

"Okay,"Evansaid."I'llrelentenoughtoadmitthatyouhaveaverysmallhead."

"Howlonghaveyoubeenriding?"Hardenaskedher.

"SinceIwasthree,"sheconfessed."IstillgoridinginChicago.Ilovehorses."

"Canyoucutcattle?"hepersisted.

"Ifyouputmeonatrainedquarterhorse,youbet,"shereplied."Withallduerespect,thisrocking
horseisn'tgoingtobemuchgoodinaherdofcattle."Hardenchuckled."No,he'snot.I'llsaddle
Dustyforyou.Thenwe'llgoworkforawhile."

"Surprise,surprise,"Evanmurmuredashejoinedhisbrother.

“Thebiggesthurdleofallwashercityupbringing,"Hardensaidwithpureglee."Andsheturnsoutto
beacowgirl."

"Thatlady'soneofakind,"Evanmused."Don'tloseher."

"Nochance.NotifIhavetotiehertothebedpost."

Evangavehimadrylook."Kinky,areyou?"

Hardenglaredathimandstrodeoffintothebarn.

Forthenextthreedays,MirandadiscoveredmoreincommonwithHardenthanshe'deverimagined.
Butinthebackofhermind,always,wasthewomanhe'dlovedandlost.Hecouldn'tbeoverherifhe
stillheldsuchabittergrudgeagainsthismother.Whilehisheartwastangledup,hecouldn'tlove
anyoneelse.Andifhedidn'tloveher,theirmarriagewouldhaveverylittlechanceofsuccess.She
watchedHardenworkononeofthepurebredmaresinfoal,fascinatedbythetendernesswithwhich
hehelpedthemarethroughherordeal.Forallhisfaults,whenthechipsweredown,hewasthe
coolest,mostcompassionatemanshe'deverknown.Inanemergency,he'dbeagoodmantohave
around.

"Onemoreweek,"heremindedherwhenhewasthroughwiththemare."ThenI'lltakethedecision
rightoutofyourhands."

"Youcan'tforcemetomarryyou,"shesaidstubbornly.

Hiseyesrandownherbodywithpossessionandbarelycontrolleddesire."Watchme."

"I'dhavetobeoutofmymindtomarryyou,"sheexploded."Icouldn'tcallmysoulmyown!"He
liftedhisheadandsmiledatherarrogantly,hispaleeyesglittery."I'llhaveyou,allthesame.And
you'lllikeit."

"Youarrogant,unprincipled,overbearing—"

"Saveitup,honey,"heinterrupted,jerkinghishatdownoveroneeyebrow."I'vegotamanwaitingon
acattledeal."

Hedroppedahardkissonheropenmouthandleftherstanding,fuming,behindhim.

Hardenhadgivenherpermissiontorideanyofhishorsesexceptanoversize,bad-temperedstallion
namedRocket.Normally,shewouldn'thavegoneagainsthim.ButhewasactingliketheSupreme
Male,andshedidn'tlikeit.Shesaddledthestallionandtookhimout,ridinghellforleatheruntilshe
andthehorseweretootiredtogoanyfarther.

Shepausedtowaterhimatasmallstream,talkingtohimgently.Hisreputationwaslargely
undeserved,becausehewasagentlehorseaslongashehadafirmhand.Inmanyways,heandshe
werekindredspirits.She'dleftbehindherunbridledyouth,andTimhadmadeheruncomfortablewith
herfemininity.She'dfeltlikeathingduringmostofhermarriage,atoythatTimtookofftheshelf
whenhewasbored.ButwithHarden,shefeltwildandrebellious.Hebroughtallherburiedpassions
tothesurface,andsomeofthemwereuncomfortable.

Whensheglancedatherwatch,shewassurprisedtofindhowmuchtimehadelapsedsinceshe'd
takenRocketoutofthebarn.Ataguess,shewasgoingtobeinalotoftroublewhenshegotback.
Sureenough,Hardenwasmarchingaroundthefrontofthebarn,acigaretteinhishand,hisnormally
lazystrideconvertedintoaquick,impatientpacing.Eventhesetofhisheadwasdangerous.Miranda
gotoutofthesaddleandledRockettherestoftheway.Herjeansweresplatteredwithmud,likeher
boots,andheryellowcottonshirtwasn'tmuchcleaner.Herhair,pinnedupinabraid,wasuntidy.But
herfacewasaliveasneverbefore,flushedwithexhilaration,hergrayeyesbrightwithchallengeand
excitement.

Hardenturnedandstiffenedassheapproached.Evanwasnearby,probablytosaveherfromhim,she
thoughtmischievously.

"Here,"shesaid,handinghimthereins.Sheliftedherface,daringhim."Goahead.Yell.Shout.Curse.
Givemehell."

Hisfacewashardandhiseyeswereglittery,buthedidnoneofthosethings.Unexpectedlyhejerked
herintohisarmsandstoodholdingher,afainttremorinhislean,fitbodyasheheldhersagainstit.

Theactionshockedheroutofallresistance,becauseittoldhergraphicallyhowworriedhe'dbeen.

Theshockofittooktheedgeoffhertemper,madeherrelaxagainsthimwithpuredelight.

"Iforgotthetime,"shesaidathisear."Ididn'tdoitonpurpose."Sheclungtohim,hereyesclosed.
"I'msorryyouwereworried."

"HowdoyouknowIwas?"heaskedcurtly.

Shesmiledintohiswarmneck."Idon'tknow.ButIdo."Herarmstightened."Goingtokissme?"she
whispered.

"I'dkissyoublindifmybrotherwasn'tstandingtenfeetawaytryingtolookinvisible.Thatbeingthe
case,itwillhavetowait."Heliftedhishead.Hisfacewaspalerthanusual."Monday,we'regetting
married.Ican'ttakeanymore.Eitheryoumarryme,oryougetoutofmylife."Shesearchedhiseyes.
Itwouldbetakingahugechance.Butshe'dlearnedthattheywereprettycompatible,andsheknewhe
wasbeginningtofeelsomethingbesidesphysicalattractionforher.Atleast,shehopedhewas.They
gotalongwelltogether.Sheknewandenjoyedranchlife,sotherewouldn'tbemuchadjustmentin
thatquarter.Anyway,thealternativewasgoingbacktoChicagotolivewithherghostsandtrytolive
withoutHarden.She'dtriedthatonceandfailed.Shewasn'tstrongenoughtotryitagain.Shesmiled
upathimsoftly."Monday,then,"shesaidquietly.Hardenhadn'trealizedthathe'dbeenholdinghis
breath.Heletitoutslowly,feelingasifhe'djustbeenhandedthekeytotheworld.Helookeddownat
her."Goodenough.Butjustfortherecord,honey,ifyouever,ever,getonthathorseagainwithout
permission,"hesaidinaseethingundertone,

"I'llfeedhimtoyou,tailfirst!"

Sheliftedhereyebrows."Youandwhosearmy,buster?"

Hegrinned.Hechuckled.Hewrappedherupandgaveherabearhug,thefirstreallyaffectionate
gestureoftheirturbulentrelationship.

TheyweremarriedthefollowingMonday.Miranda'sbrother,Sam,gaveheraway,andEvanwasbest
man.

Joan,Sam'swife,managedtogetaradiantMirandaalonelongenoughtofindouthowhappyshe
reallywas.

"Nomorelookingback,"Joansaidsoftly.“Promise?"

"Ipromise,"Mirandarepliedwithasmile."Thankyou.DidIeverjustsaythankyouforallyouand
Samhavedoneformeovertheyears?"

"Twiceaweek,atleast."Joanlaughed,andthenshesobered."He'satiger,thatman,"sheadded,
noddingtowardHarden,whowasstandingwithhisbrothersandSam."Areyousure?"

"Ilovehim,"Mirandasaidsimply.

Joannodded."Thenitwillbeallright."

Butwouldit,Mirandawondered,whenHardendidn'tloveher.

"Whatabunch,"Samsaidwithagrinashejoinedthem.Heputanaffectionatearmaroundhissister.
"Atleastyou'renostrangertohorsesandranchlife,"hesaid."You'llfitrightinhere.Happy,kitten?"

"Sohappy,"sheassuredhimwithahug.

"Well,Hardenwilltakecareofyou,"hesaid."Nodoubtaboutthat.But,"headdedwithalevelstare,
"nomoreleapingonhorses'backs.I'mnotsureyournewhusband'snerveswilltakeit!"Shelaughed,
delightedthatHardenhadsharedthatincidentwithSam.Itmeantthathelikedher,anyway.Hewanted
her,too,andshewasnervousdespitetheintimacythey'dshared.Shedidn'tknowifshewasgoingto
beenoughforhim.

Evanaddedhiscongratulations,alongwiththerestofthefamily.Theodorahuggedherwarmlyand
thenlookedwithbitterhopelessnessatHarden,who'dhardlyspokentoher.

"He'llgetoveritoneday,"Mirandasaidhesitantly.

"Overthefactsofhisbirth,maybe.OverAnita?Idon'tthinkheeverwill,"sheaddedabsently,
oblivioustotheshaken,tragiclookthatflashedbrieflyoverMiranda'sfeaturesbeforeshequickly
composedthem.

Suddenlyawareofwhatshe'dsaidTheodoraturned,flushing."Ican'teverseemtosaytherightthing,
canI?"sheaskedmiserably."I'msorry,Miranda,Ididn'tmeanthatthewayitsounded."

"Youdon'tneedtoapologizetome,"shetoldtheolderwomanquietly."Iknowhedoesn'tloveme.It's
allright.I'lltrytobeagoodwife,andtherewillbechildren."Theodoragrimaced.Hardenjoined
them,gatheringMirandawitheasypossessivenessunderhisarmtokissherwarmly.

"Hello,Mrs.Tremayne,"hesaidsoftly."Howgoesit?"

“I’mfine.Howaboutyou?"sheasked.

“I’llbebetterwhenwegetthereceptionoutoftheway.Ihadnoideawewererelatedtosomany
people,"hechuckled.ThenheglancedatTheodora,andthelaughterfaded.fewofthemarerelatedto
me,ofcourse,"headdedcuttingly.

Theodoradidn'treact.Hersadeyessearchedhis."Haveanicehoneymoon,Harden.You,too,
Miranda."Sheturnedandwalkedaway,ignoringherson'shostility.Mirandalookedupathim
worriedly."Youcan'tkeepthisup.You'recuttinghertopieces."Hiseyesnarrowed."Don'tinterfere,"
hecautionedquietly."Theodoraismybusiness."

"I'myourwife,"shebegan.

"Yes.Butthatdoesn'tmakeyoumyconscience.Let'sgetthisoverwith."Hetookherarmandledher
intothehouse,wherethecatererswerereadyforthereception.Thereceptionwasheldattheranch,
butTheodoraraninterferencelongenoughforthenewlywedstogetaway.

ConnalandPepishowedupforthewedding,andMirandafoundthatsheandPepiwerefastbecoming
friends.ConnalremindedheralotofEvan,exceptthathewasleanerandyounger.Pepiwasanelf,a
gentlecreaturewithbigeyes.SheandConnalhadlittleJamieBenTremaynewiththem,andhe

warmedMiranda'sheartashehadthenightthey'dhadsupperwiththerestofthefamily.Buthemade
heracheforthechildshe'dlost.That,alongwithTheodora'sfauxpasputtheonlydampersontheday
forher,andshecarriedthefaintsadnessalongontheirhoneymoon.They'ddecidedthatCancunwas
thebestplacetogo,becausetheybothhadapassionforarchaeology,andsomeMayanruinswere
nearthehotelthey'dbookedinto.Now,ashermemoriescamebacktohaunther,shewishedagainthat
she'dwaitedjustalittlelonger,thatshehadn'tletHardencoaxherintomarriagesoquickly.

Whatwasdonewasdone,though,andshehadtomakethebestofit.Hardenhadwatchedthejoygo
outofMirandaatthewedding,andheguessedthatitwasbecauseofConnalandPepi'sbaby.He
almostgroanedoutloud.Heshouldhavecarriedheroffandeloped,ashe'dthreatened.Nowitwas
toolate,andshewasburiedinthegriefofthepast.Asiftoemphasizethesombermoodthathad
invadedwhatshouldhavebeenahappytime,itbegantopourrain.

ChapterTen

Mirandahesitatedinthedoorwayoftheirhotelroom.Itreallyhadn'toccurredtoherthatthey'dbe
givenanythingexceptaroomwithdoublebeds.Butthere,dominatingtheroomwithitsoceanview,
wasahugeking-sizebed.

"We'remarried,"Hardensaidcurtly.

"Yes,ofcourse."ShestoodasidetoletthebellboybringtheluggageinandwaitedwhileHarden
tippedhimandclosedthedoor.

ShewalkedoutontothebalconyandlookedoutovertheGulfofMexico,alltooawareofHarden
behindher.Sherememberedthenightatthebridge,andthewayhe'drushedtosaveher.Presumably
heraction—rather,whatheperceivedtobeasuicideattempt—hadbroughtbackunbearable
memoriesforhim.Suicidewassomethingheknewalltoomuchabout,becausetheloveofhislife
haddiedthatway.

WasitallbecauseofAnita?Washerelivingtheaffairinhismind,andsubstitutingMiranda?

Exceptthistimetherewasnosuicide,therewasamarriageandahappyending.Shecouldhavecried.

Hardenmisattributedhersilentbroodingtoherownbittermemories,sohedidn'tsayanything.He
stoodbesideher,lettingtheseaairrufflehishairwhilehewatchedpeopleonthebeachandseagulls
makingdivesoutofthesky.

Hewasstillwearingthegraysuithe'dbeenmarriedin,andMirandawaswearingadressy,oyster-
coloredsuitofherownwithapaleblueblouse.Herhair,inachignon,waselegantandsleek.She
lookedmuchmorelikeabusinesswomanthanabride,afactthatstruckHardenforcibly.

"Wanttochange?"heasked."Wecouldgoswimmingorjustlayonthebeach."

"Yes,"shereplied.Withoutlookingathim,sheopenedhersuitcaseonitsrackanddrewouta
conservativeblueone-piecebathingsuitandasimplewhitecover-up.

"I'llchangeinthebathroom,"hesaidtersely,carryinghiswhitetrunksinthereandclosingthedoor
firmlybehindhim.

Itwasn't,Mirandathoughtwistfully,themostidyllicstartforahoneymoon.Shecouldn'thelp
rememberingthatTimhadbeenwildtogetherintobed,though,andhowunpleasantand
embarrassingithadbeenforher,inbroaddaylight.Timhadbeenselfishandquick,andher
memoriesofherweddingdaywerebitter.

Hardencamebackinjustasshewasgatheringuphersuntanlotionanddarkglasses.Inswimming
trunks,hewaseverythingTimhadn'tbeen.Shepausedwithherhandinhersuitcaseandjuststared,
takinginthepowerful,hair-roughenedlengthofhisbody,taperingfrombroad,bronzedshoulders
downaheavilymuscledchestandstomachtoleanhipsandlonglegs.Amalemodel,shethought,
shouldlookhalfasgood.

Heliftedaneyebrow,tryingnottolookasself-consciousasthatappraisalmadehimfeel.Notthathe
mindedthepurepleasureonherfaceasshestudiedhim,butitwasbeginningtohaveanoticeable
effectonhisbody.

Heturned."Readytogo?"Hedidn'tdarelooktoolongatherinthatclingysuit.Shepickedupthe
sunglassesshe'dbeenreachingfor."Yes.Shouldwetakeatowel?"

"They'llhavethemonthebeach.Iftheydon't,we'llbuyacoupleinthatdrugstorenexttothelobby."

Shefollowedhimouttothebeach.Therewasabuggywithfreshtowelsinit,beinghandedoutto
hotelpatronsastheyheadedforthesmallpalmumbrellasthatdottedthewhitesandbeach.

"Thewateristhemostgorgeouscolor,"shesighed,stretchingoutonaconvenientloungerwithher
towelunderher.

"Partoftheattraction,"heagreed.Hestretchedlazilyandclosedhiseyes."God,I'mtired.Areyou?"

"Justalittle.Ofcourse,I'mjustayoungthingmyself.Oldpeoplelikeyouprobablyfeelthe—

oh!"

Shelaughedashetumbledherofftheloungerontothesandandpinnedherthere,histwinklingeyes
justaboveherown."Old,myfoot,"hemurmured.Hisgazefelltohermouthandlingered.

"Youcan't,"shewhispered."It'sapublicbeach."

"Yes,Ican,"hewhisperedback,andbroughthismouthdownoverhers.Itwasalong,sweetkiss.He
drewbackfinally,hispaleeyesquietandcuriousonherrelaxedface."Youweredisturbedwhenwe
leftthehouse.DidTheodorasaysomethingtoyou?"Shehesitated.Perhapsitwouldbeaswelltoget
itoutintotheopen,sheconsidered."Harden,"shebegan,hereyeshesitantastheymethis,"Theodora
toldmeaboutAnita."Hisfacefroze.Hiseyesseemedtogoblank.Heliftedhimselfawayfrom
Miranda,andhisexpressiongaveawaynothingofwhathewasfeeling.DamnTheodora!Damnher
fordoingthattohim,forstabbinghimintheback!Shehadnorighttodragupthattragedyonhis
weddingday.He'dspentyearstryingtoforget;nowMirandawasgoingtoremindhimofitandbring
theanguishback.Hesatdownonhisloungerandlitacigarette,leaningbacktosmokeitandwatch
thesea."Isupposeit'sjustaswellthatyouknow,"hesaidfinally."ButIwon'ttalkaboutit.You
understand?"

"Shuttingmeoutagain,Harden?"sheaskedsadly."Isourmarriagegoingtobelikethat,eachofus
withlockedroomsinourheartswheretheothercan'tcome?"

"Iwon'ttalkaboutAnita,oraboutTheodora,"herepliedevenly."Makewhatyoulikeofit."Heputon
hisownsunglassesandclosedhiseyes,effectivelycuttingoffanyfurthereffortsatconversation.
Mirandawasshattered.Sheknewthenthatshe'dmadeanotherbadmarriage,anotherbigmistake,but
itwastoolatetodoanythingaboutit.Nowshehadtolivewithit.Theyhadaquietsupperinthehotel
restaurantmuchlater.Hardenwasquiet,sowasshe.Conversationhadbeenheldtoaminimumever
sincethey'dbeenonthebeach,andMiranda'ssadfacewasrevealingherinnermostthoughts.

Whentheygotbacktotheirroom,Mirandaturnedandfacedherhusbandwithanexpressionthat
almostdrovehimtoafuriousoutburst.Itwassofilledwithbitterresignation,withdeterminationto
performherwifelydutieswithstoiccourage,thathecouldhaveturnedtheairblue.

"Iwantadrink,"hesaidicily."BythetimeIgetback,youshouldbeasleepandsafefromany
lecherousintentionsImighthaveleft.Goodnight,Mrs.Tremayne,"headdedcontemptuously.
Mirandaglaredathim."Thankyouforaperfectday,"sherepliedwithequalcontempt"IfIeverhad
anydoubtsaboutmakingourmarriagework,you'vesuresetthemtorest."

Hiseyesnarrowedandglittered."Isthatasubtlehintthatyouwantme,afterall?Inthatcase,letme
obligeyou."

Hemovedforwardandpickedherupunexpectedly,tossingherintothecenterofthehugebed.He
followedherdown,coveringherwithhisownbody,andunerringlyfindinghersoftmouthwithhis
own.

Butshewastoohurttorespond,tooafraidofwhathemeanttodo.ItwaslikeTim...ShesaidTim's
namewithrealfearandHarden'sheadjerkedup,hiseyesglazing.

"You'rejustlikehim,reallyaren'tyou?"shechoked,hereyesfilledwithbittertears."Whatyouwant,
whenyouwantit,alwaysyourway,nomatterwhatthecosttoanyoneelse."Hescowled.Shelooked
sowounded,soalone.Hereacheddownandtouchedherface,lightly,tracingthehottears.

"Iwouldn'thurtyou,"hesaidhesitantly."Notthatway."

"Goahead,ifyouwantto,"shesaidtiredly,closinghereyes."Idon'tcare.Iknowbetterthantoexpect
lovefromamanwhocan'tforgivehismotheratwelve-year-oldtragedyoreventhecircumstancesof
hisbirth.Yourmothermusthavelovedyourfatherverymuchtohaveriskedtheshameand
humiliationofbeingpregnantwithanotherman'schildatthesametimeshewasmarriedtoyour
stepfather."Sheopenedhereyes,staringupathim."Butyoudon'tknowhowtolove,doyou,Harden?
Notanymore.AllyouknewofloveisburiedwithyourAnita.There'snothingleftinhere."Sheput
herhandagainsthisbroadchest,wherehisheartwasbeatinghardandraggedly."Nothingatall.Only
hate."

Hejerkedbackfromherhandandgottohisfeet,glaringdownather.

"Whydidyoumarryme?"sheaskedsadly,sittinguptostareathim."Wasitpity,orjustdesire?”

Hecouldn'tanswerher.Inthebeginning,ithadbeenpity.Desirecamequicklyafterthat,untilshe
obsessedhim.Butsinceshe'dbeenattheranch,he'dhadotherfeelings,feelingshe'dnever
experiencedevenwithAnita.Hishandwenttohischestwhereshe'dtouchedit,absentlyrubbingthe
placeherhandhadrested,asifhecouldfeelthewarmimprint.

"Youloveme,don'tyou?"heaskedunexpectedly.

Sheflushed,avertinghereyes."Thinkwhatyoulike."

Hedidn'tknowwhattosay,whattodo,anymore.Ithadallseemedsosimple.They'dgetmarriedand
he'dmakelovetoherwheneverheliked,andthey'dhavechildren.Nowitwasmuchmore
complicated.Herememberedthedayshe'dgoneriding,andhowblackhisworldhadgoneuntilshe'd
comeback.Herememberedtheterror,thesickfear,andsuddenlyheknewwhy.Kneweverything.

"Listen,"hebeganquietly."Thishasallgonewrong.Ithinkitmightbeagoodidea—"

"Ifwebreakitoffnow?"sheconcludedmistakenly,hergrayeyesstaringbravelyintohis."Yes,I
thinkyou'reright.Neitherofusisreallyreadyforthiskindofcommitmentyet.Youwererightwhen
yousaiditwastoosoon."

"Itisn'tthat,"hesaidheavily."Andwecan'tgetadivorceonourweddingday."Shegnawedherlower
lip."No.Iguessnot."

"We'llstayforacoupleofdays,atleast.Whenwe'rehome...we'llmakedecisions."Heturned,picked
uphisclothes,andwentintothebathroomtodress.

Shechangedquicklyintoasimplelongcottongownandgotunderthecovers.Sheclosedhereyes,
butsheneedn'thavebothered,becausehedidn'tevenlookatherashewentoutthedoor.Therestof
theirstayinCancunwentbyquickly,withthetwoofthembeingpolitetoeachotherandnotmuch
more.TheywentonadaytriptotheruinsatChichenItza,wanderingaroundthesprawlingMaya
ruinswithscoresofothertourists.Theruinscoveredfourmiles,withtheirwidelyspreadbuildings
provingthatitwasacultcenterandnotjustaconventionalcity.Ahugeplazaopenedouttovarious
religiousbuildings.TheMayanfarmerswouldjourneytherefortheyear'sgreatreligiousfestivals;
archaeologistsalsoassumedthatmarketsandcouncilmeetingsdrewthecitizenstoChichenItza.

ThetwomostinterestingaspectsoftheancientcitytoMirandaweretheobservatoryandtheSacred
Cenote—orsacrificialwell.

Shestoodatitsedgeandlookeddownpasttheunderbrushintothemurkywaterandshivered.Itwas
nothinglikethementalpictureshehad,ofsomesmallwell-likestructure.Itwasacavernousopening
thatleddown,downintothewater,whereoveraperiodofmanyyears,anestimatedonehundred
humanbeingsweresacrificedtoappeasethegodsintimeofdrought.Thepoolcoveredalmostan
acre,anditwassixty-fivefeetfromitstree-linededgedownlimestonecliffstothewaterbelow.

"Itgivesmethescreamingwillies,"amanbesideMirandaremarked."Imagineallthosethousandsof
virginsbeingpushedoffthecliffintothatyuckywater.Sacrificingpeoplebecauseofreligion.Isthat
primitive,orwhat?"

"EverhearoftheChristiansandthelions?"Hardendrawled.Themangavehimalookand
disappearedintothecrowd.

Ifthingshadbeenlessstrained,Mirandamighthavecorrectedthatassumptionaboutthenumbers,and
sex,ofthesacrificedMayansandremindedthetouristthatfactandfictionblendedinthisancient
place.ButHardenhadinhibitedhertoomuch.Sharingherlong-standingeducationinthepastofChi-
chenItzaprobablywouldn'thaveendearedhertothetourist,either.Historicalfacthadbeen
submergedinfavorofHollywoodfictioninsomanyoftheworld'splacesofinterest.

Mirandawanderedbackontothegrassyplazaandstaredattheobservatory.Sheknewthatdespite
theirinfrequentsacrificialurges,theMayawereanintelligentpeoplewhohadanadvancedconcept
ofastronomyandmathematics,andalibrarythatcoveredtheentirehistoryofMaya.SadlySpanish
missionariesin1545burnedthebooksthatcontainedtheMayahistory.Onlythreesurvivedtothe
presentday.

Mirandawanderedbacktothebus.Itwasasoberingexperiencetolookattheruinsandconsiderthat
in500B.C.thiswasathrivingcity,wherepeoplelivedandworshipedandprobablyneverconsidered
thattheircivilizationwouldeverend.Justlikeus,shethoughtphilosophically,andshivered.Justlike
mymarriages,bothinruins,bothlikeChichenItza.

Shewassomberbacktothehotel,andfortherestoftheirstayinCancun.Shedidthings
mechanically,andwithoutanyrealenjoyment.NotthatHardenwasanymorejovialthanshewas.
Probably,sheconsidered,he'ddecidedthattherewasn'tmuchtosalvagefromtheirbriefrelationship.
Andmaybeitwasjustaswell.

WhentheygotbacktoJacobsville,Theodorainsistedthattheystaywithheruntiltheirownhomewas
readyforoccupancy—amatterofbarelyaweek.Neitherofthemhadthehearttoannouncethattheir
honeymoonhadresultedinacomingdivorce.

Evan,however,sensedthatsomethingwaswrong.Theirfirsteveningback,hesteeredMirandaonto
thefrontporchwithadeterminedexpressiononhisswarthyface.

"Okay.What'swrong?"heaskedabruptly.

Shewastakenabackatthesuddenquestion."W-what?"

"Youheardme,"hereplied."Youbothcamehomelookinglikedeathwarmedover,andifanything
exceptarguingtookplaceduringthewholetrip,I'lleatmyhat."

"Theonethatcoulddoubleasanumbrella?"sheaskedwithafeebleattemptathumor.

"Cutitout.IknowHarden.Whathappened?"

Mirandasighed,givingin."He'sstillinlovewithAnita,that'sall,sowedecidedthatwemadea
mistakeandwe'regoingtogetitannulled."

Heraisedaneyebrow."Annulled?"heemphasized.

Shecolored."Yes,well,foramanwhoseemedtobebristlingwithdesire,hesurechanged."

"Youdoknowthathe'savirgin?"Evanasked.

Sheknewherjawwasgaping.Sheclosedhermouth."He'sawhat?"

"Youdidn'tknow,"hemurmured."Well,he'dkillmefortellingyou,butit'sbeenfamilygossipfor
years.Hewantedtobeaminister,andhe'shadnothingtodowithwomensinceAnitadied.Aladies'

man,heain't."

Mirandaknewthat,butshe'dassumedhehadsomeexperience.Heactedasifhehad.

"Areyousure?"sheblurtedout.

"OfcourseI'msure.Look,he'sbackwardandfullofhang-ups.It'sgoingtobeuptoyoutomakethe
firstmove,oryou'llendupindivorcecourtbeforeyouknowit."

"But,Ican't,"shegroaned.

"Yes,youcan.You'reawoman.Getsomesexyclothesanddrivehimnuts.Wearperfume,drop
handkerchiefs,vamphim.Thengethimbehindalockeddoorandletnaturetakeitscourse.ForGod's
sake,woman,youcan'tgiveuponhimlessthanaweekafterthewedding!"

"Hedoesn'tloveme!"

"Makehim,"hesaid,hiseyessteelyandlevel."Anddon'ttellmeyoucan't.Isawhimwhenyouwere
lategettingbackonthatkillerstallion.I'veneverseenhimsoshaken.Amanwhocanfeelthatkindof
fearforawomancanloveher."

Shehesitatednow,luredbytheprospectofHardenfallinginlovewithher."Doyoureallythinkhe
could?"

Hesmiled."Heisn'tascoldashelikespeopletothinkheis.There'sasoftcoreinthatmanthat'sbeen
stompedontoomanytimes."

"IguessIcouldtry,"shesaidslowly.

"Iguessyoucould."

Shesmiledandwentbackinside,hermindwhirlingwithpossibilities.Thenextday,Mirandaasked
Theodoratotakehershopping,andsheboughtthekindofclothesshe'dneverworninherlife.She
hadherhairtrimmedandstyled,andsheboughtunderwearthatmadeherblush.

"Isthisacampaign?"Theodoraaskedonthewayhome,herdarkeyestwinkling.

"Iguessitis,"shesighed."Rightnow,itlooksasifhe'sreadytotossmebackintothelake."

"I'msorrythatImentionedAnitaonyourweddingday,"theolderwomansaidheavily."Icouldsee
thelightgooutofyou.HardenandImaynevermakeourpeace,Miranda,butInevermeanttoput
youinthemiddle."

"Iknowthat."Sheturnedintheseat,readjustingherseatbelt."DoesHardenknowanythingabouthis
realfather?"

Theodorasmiled."No.He'sneverwantedto."

"Wouldyoutellme?"

Theolderwoman'seyesgrewmistywithremembrance."HewasacaptainintheGreenBerets,
actually,"shesaid."ImethimataFourthofJulyparade,ofallthings,inHoustonwhilemyhusband
andIweretemporarilyseparated.HewasafarmboyfromTennessee,buthehadabigheartandhe
wasfulloffun.Wewenteverywheretogether.Hespoiledme,pamperedme,fellinlovewithme.
BeforeIknewit,Iwasinlovewithhim,desperatelyinlovewithhim!"

Sheturnedontotheroadthatledtotheranch,frowningnowwhileMirandalistened,entranced.
"Neitherofuswantedanaffair,butwhatwefeltwasmuchtooexplosiveto...Well,Iguessyouknow
aboutthat,"sheaddedshyly.'"Peopleinlovehaveahardtimecontrollingtheirpassions.Wewereno
different.Hegavemearing,abeautifulemerald-and-diamondringthathadbeenhismother's,andI
filedfordivorce.Weweregoingtobemarriedassoonasthedivorcewasfinal.Buthewassentto
Vietnamandthefirstdaythere,theVietCongattackedandhewaskilledbymortarfire."

"Andyoudiscoveredyouwerepregnant,"Mirandapromptedwhentheotherwomanhesitated,her
eyesanguished.

"Yes."Sheshiftedbehindthewheel."Abortionwasoutofthequestion.IlovedBarrysomuch,more
thanmyownlife.I'dhaveriskedanythingtohavehischild.Ididn'tknowwhattodo.Igotsickand
couldn'twork,andIhadnowheretogowhenIwasaskedtoleavemyapartmentfornonpaymentof
rentAboutthattime,Jesse,myownhusband,cameandaskedmetocomebacktotheranch,toendthe
separation.Evanwasveryyoung,andhehadagovernessforhim,buthemissedme."

"Didyourhusbandloveyou?"Mirandaaskedsoftly.

"Yes.Thatmadeitsomuchworse,yousee,becausehewasjealousandoverpossessiveandover-
protective—that'swhyIlefthiminthefirstplace.Butperhapstheexperiencetaughthimsomething,
becauseheneverthrewtheaffairuptome.Hebroughtmebackhomeandafterthefirstfewweeks,he
becameinvolvedwithmypregnancy.Helovedchildren,youknow.Itdidn'tevenmattertohimthat
Hardenwasn'thisown.Heneverletitmattertoanyoneelse,either.Wehadagoodlife.Ididmy
grievingforBarryinsecret,andthenIfellinlovewithmyhusbandalloveragain.ButHardenhas
madesuresinceAnita'sdeaththatIpaidforallmyoldsins.Interesting,thattheinstrumentofmy
punishmentforanillicitaffairandanillegitimatechildisthechildhimself."

"I'msorry,"Mirandasaid."Itcan'tbeeasyforyou."

"Itisn'teasyforHarden,either,"camethesurprisingreply.Theodorasmiledsadlyastheyreachedthe
house."Thatgetsmethroughit."ShelookedatMirandawithdark,sombereyes."He'stheimageof
Barry."

"Iwishyoucouldmakehimlisten."

"What'stheoldsaying,'ifwisheswerehorses,beggarscouldride'?"Theodorashookherhead.

"Mydear,we'reallwalkingthesedays."

Later,likeahuntresswaitingforherpreytoappear,Mirandadonnedthesexyunderwearandthe
incrediblysee-throughlemon-yellowgownshe'dbought,sprayedherselfwithperfume,andexhibited
herselfinaseductivepositiononthebedinthebedroomthey'dbeensharing.Hardenmadesurehe
didn'tcomeinuntilshewasasleep,andhewasgonebeforeshewokeinthemorning.Buttonight,she
waswaitingforhim.IfwhatEvansaid,asincredibleasitseemed,wastrue,andHardenwasinnocent,
itwasgoingtobedelicioustoseducehim.Shehadtomakeallowancesforhispride,ofcourse,so
shecouldn'tadmitthatsheknew.Thatmadeitallthemoreexciting.Itwasalongtimebeforethedoor
swungopenandhertired,dust-stainedhusbandcameinthedoor.HepausedwithhisStetsoninhis
handandgapedatherwhereshelayonthebed,onherside,oneperfectsmallbreastalmostbare.

"Hi,cowboy,"shesaidhuskily,andsmiledathim."Longday?"

"Whatthehellareyoududdedupfor?"heaskedcurtly.

Sheeasedoffthebedandstoodup,sothathecouldgetagoodviewofhercreamybodyunderthe
gauzyfabricofhergown.Shestretched,liftingherbreastssothatthealreadyhardtipswerepushing
againstthebodice.

"Iboughtsomenewclothes,that'sall,"shemurmureddrowsily."Goingtohaveashower?"He
mutteredsomethingunderhisbreathabouthavingonewithicecubesandslammedthebathroom
doorbehindhim.

Mirandalaughedsoftlytoherselfwhensheheardtheshowerrunning.Nowifonlyshecouldkeepher
nerve,ifonlyshecoulddullhissensessothathecouldn'tresisther.Shepulledthehemofthegown
uptoherthighsandthestrapoffoneroundedshoulderandlayagainstthepillows,waiting.Hecame
out,eventually,withadarkgreentowelsecuredaroundhiships.Shelookedupathim,hereyes
slitted,herlipspartedinvitinglywhilehiseyesslidoverherbodywithanythingbutashy,innocent
appraisal.Thelookwassohot,shewrithedunderit.

"Isthiswhatittookforyourlatehusband?"heasked,hisowneyesnarrowandalmostinsulting.

"Didyouhavetodressuptogethiminterested?"

Herbreathcaught.Shesatup,rightinghergown."Harden..."shebegan,readytoexplain,despiteher
intentionnotto.

"Well,Idon'tneedthatkindofstimulationwhenI'minterested,"hesaid,controllingafiercely
subduedrageoverherbehavior.Shemustthinkhimimpotent,attheleast,togosofartogethiminto
bed.Whichonlymadehimmoresuspiciousabouthermotives.

"Youusedtobeinterested,"shestammered.

"SoIdid,beforeyoudecidedthatIneededreforming,beforeyoustartedinterferinginmylife.I
wantedyou.Butnotanymore,honey,andallthosecutetricksyou'repracticingdon'tdoadamned
thingforme."

Hepulledheragainsthim,"Can'tyoutell?"

Hislackofinterestwassoblatantthatsheturnedhereyesaway,barelyawarethathewaspulling
clothesoutofdrawersandclosets.Tearsblindedher.Shehidunderthecoversandpulledthemupto
herblushingface,shiveringwithshame.ThishadbeenTim'sfavoriteweapon,makingherfeel
inadequate,toolittleawomantoarousehim.HerpridelayontheflooratHarden'sfeet,andhedidn't
evencare.

"Forfuturereference,I'lldothechasingwhenI'minterestedinsex,"hesaid,glaringdownather
whiteface."Idon'twantitwithyou,notanymore.Itoldyouitwasover.Youshouldhavelistened."

"Yes.Ishouldhave,"shesaidhoarsely.

Hefeltwoundedallover.She'dlovedhim,heknewshehad,butshecouldn'tjustbehiswife,shehad
tobeareformer,toharponhisfeudwithTheodora,tomakehimseemcruelandselfish.He'dbeen
stingingeversinceCancun,especiallysincesomeofthoseaccusationswererightonthemoney.But
thiswasthelaststraw,thisseductiveactofhers.He'dhadwomencomeontohimallhisadultlife,
theirveryaggressivenessturninghimoff.Hehadn'texpectedhisownwifetotreathimlikesome
casualstudtosatisfyherpassions.Wasshereallythatdesperateforsex?

Heturnedandwentoutoftheroom.Itdidn'thelpthathecouldhearMirandacryingeventhroughthe
closeddoor.

Evanheardit,too,andminuteslaterheconfrontedhisbrotherinthebarn,whereHardenwas
checkingononeofthemaresinfoal.

Thebiggermanwastakingoffhishatashewalkeddownthewide,wood-chip-shaving-filledaisle
betweentherowsofstalls,hisswarthyfacesetinhardlines,hismouthbarelyvisibleashisjaw
clenched.

“Thatdoesit,"hesaid,andkeptcoming."Thatreallydoesit.Thatpoorwoman'shadenoughfrom
you!"

Hardenthrewoffhisownhatandstood,waiting."Goahead,throwapunch.You'llgetitback,with
interest,"hereplied,histonelazy,hisblueeyesbrightwithanger.

"Shegoesshoppingandbuysallsortsofsexyclothestoturnyouon,andthenyouleaveherintears!
Doesn'titmattertoyouthatshewastryingtomakeiteasyforyou?"hedemanded.Hardenfrowned.
Somethingwasn'trighthere."Easyforme?"heprompted.Evansighedangrily."Iwasn'tgoingtotell
you,butmaybeI'dbetter.Itoldherthetruthaboutyou,"hesaidshortly.

"Aboutwhat?"

"Youknowaboutwhat!"Evangrowled."Itwasherrighttoknow,afterall,she'syourwife."

"Whatdidyoutellher,forGod'ssake?"Hardenraged,attheendofhispatience.

"Thetruth."Evansquaredhisshouldersandwaitedfortheexplosionashereplied,"Itoldheryou

wereavirgin."

ChapterEleven

ForaminuteHardenjuststoodstaringathisbrother,lookingasifhehadn'theardaword.Thenhe
begantolaugh,softlyatfirst,buildingintoaroarofsoundthatechoeddownthelongaisle.

"Itisn'tfunny,"Evangloweredathim."MyGod,it'snothingtobeashamedof.Thereareplentyof
menwhoarecelibate.Priests,forinstance..."

Hardenlaughedlouder.

Evanwipedhissleeveacrosshisbroad,dampforeheadandsighedheavily."What'ssodamned
funny?"

Hardenstoppedtogethisbreathbeforeheanswered,andlitacigarette.Hetookadeepdraw,staring
amusedlyathisolderbrother.

"Ineverbotheredtodenyit,becauseitdidn'tmatter.ButIoughttodeckyouforpassingthatold
gossipontoMiranda.Igaveherhellupstairsforwhatshedid.Ihadnoideashewassupposedtobe
helpingmethroughmyfirsttime!"

Evancockedhishead,narrowingoneeye."Youaren'tavirgin?"

Hardendidn'tanswerhim.Heliftedthecigarettetohismouth."Isthatwhyshewentonthatspending
spreeintown,tobuysexyclothestovampmewith?"

"Yes.I'masmuchhelpasMother,Iguess,"Evansaidquietly."IoverheardhertellingMirandathat
you'dnevergetoverAnita."

Hardenfrowned."When?"

"Atthereception,beforeyouleftonyourhoneymoon."

Hardengroanedandclosedhiseyes.Heturnedtothebarnwallandhititsoundlywithhisfist.

"Damntheluck!"

"Onemisunderstandingafteranother,isn'tit?"Evanleanedabroadshoulderagainstthewall.

"Wassheright?AreyoustillinlovewithAnita?"

"No.Maybeyouwererightaboutthat.Maybeitwashertime,andMotherwasjustalinkinthechain
ofevents."

"MyGod,"Evanexclaimedreverently."Isthatreallyyoutalking,ordoyoujusthaveafever?"he
askeddryly.

HardenglancedupatthelightedwindowoftheroomhesharedwithMiranda."I'vegotafever,all

right.AndIknowjusthowtogetitdown."

HeleftEvanstandingandwentuptothebedroom,hiseyesgleamingwithmischiefandanticipated
pleasure.

Butthesightthatmethimwhenheopenedthedoorwasn'tconducivetopleasure.Mirandawasfully
dressedinaprettywhitesilkdressthatwasevenmoreseductivethanthenightgownshe'ddiscarded,
andshewaspackingasuitcase.

Sheturnedatearstainedfacetohis."Don'tworry,I'mgoing,"shesaidshortly."Youdon'thaveto
throwmeofftheplace."

Heclosedthedoorcalmly,turnedthelock,andtossedhishatontoachairbeforehemovedtoward
her.

"Youcanstoprightthere,"shesaidwarningly.I’mgoinghome!"

"Youarehome,"hesaidevenly.

Hesweptthesuitcase,clothesandall,offthebedontothefloorintoalitteredheapandbenttolifta
startledMirandainhishardarms.

"Youputmedown!"sheraged.

"Anythingtooblige,sweetheart."Hethrewherontothebedandbeforeshecouldrollaway,hehad
herpinnedagainstthedisheveledcovers,onelonglegholdingherthrashingbody.Shefoughthim
likeatigressuntilhecaughtherwristsandpressedthemintothemattressoneithersideofherhead.
Herhairwasadarkcloudaroundherflushedfaceasshestaredupathimfuriously,hersilvereyes
flashingathim.

"I'vehadenoughofdamnedmen!"sheragedathim."ItwasbadenoughhavingTimtellmeIwasn't
womanenoughtoholdamanwithouthavingyourubmyfaceinit,too!Ihavemypride!"

"Pride,andalotofotherfaults,"hemused."Badtemper,impatience,interferinginthingsthatdon't
concernyou..."

"Whatareyou,Mr.SweetnessandLight,apatternforperfectmanhood?!"

"Notbyalongshot,"hesaidpleasantly,studyingherface."You'reawildcat,Miranda.EverythingI
everwanted,evenifitdidtakemealongtimetorealizeit,andtoadmitit."

"Youdon'twantme,"shesaid,hervoicebreakingasshetriedtospeakbravelyaboutit."Youshowed
me...!"

"Ihadacoldshower,remember,"hewhispered,smilinggently."Here.Feel."Hemovedslowly,
sensuously,andsomethingpredictableandbeautifulhappenedtohim,somethingsoblatantthatshe
caughtherbreath.

"Iwantyou,"hesaidsoftly."Butit'smuch,muchmorethanwanting.Doyoulikepoetry,Miranda?"

hebreathedatherlips,brushingthemwithmaddeningleisureashespoke."'ShallIcomparetheetoa
summer'sday?Thouartmorelovely,andmoretemperate...'"Hekissedherslowly,nibblingather
lowerlipwhileshetrembledwithpleasure."Shakespearecouldn'thavebeentalkingaboutyou,could
he,sweetheart?Youaren'ttemperate,evenifyouareeverybitaslovelyasasummer'sday...!"The
kissgrewrough,anddeep,andhisleanhandsfoundherhips,grindingthemupagainsthisfierce
arousal.

"ThisishowmuchIwantyou,"hebitoffatherlips."Ihopeyoutookvitamins,becauseyou'regoing
toneedeverybitofstrengthyou'vegot."

Shecouldn'tevenspeak.Hishandswereagainstherskin,andthenhismouthwas.She'dneverinher
wildestdreamsimaginedsomeofthewayshetouchedher,someofthethingshewhisperedwhilehe
arousedher.Hetookheralmosteffortlesslytoafeverpitchofpassionandthencalmedherand
startedalloveragain.

Itwasthesweetestkindofpleasuretofeelhimgetthefabricawayfromherhotskin,andthentofeel
hisownhair-roughenedbodyintimatelyagainstherown.Itwasallofheaventokissandbekissed,to
touchandbetouched,tolethimpleasureheruntilshewasmindlesswithneed.

"Evansaid...youwere...avirgin,"shewhispered,hervoicebreakingasshelooked,shocked,intothe
amusedindulgenceofhisfacewhenthetensionwasunbearable.Helaughed,thesoundsoftand
predatory."AmI?"hewhispered,andpusheddown,hard.Shecouldn'tbelievewhatshewasfeeling.
Hisfaceblurredandthenvanished,anditwasallfeverishmotionandfranticgraspingandsharp,hot
pleasurethatbroughtconvulsivestatisfaction.Shelayinhisarmsafterward,tearsrunninghelplessly
downhercheekswhilehesmokedacigaretteandabsentlysmoothedherdisheveledhair.Shewasstill
tremblingintheaftermath.

"Areyouallright,littleone?"heaskedgently.

"Yes."Shelaidherwetcheekagainsthisshoulder."Ididn'tknow,"shestammered.

"It'sdifferent,everytime,"herepliedquietly."Butsometimesthere'salevelofpleasurethatyoucan
onlyexperiencewithonecertainperson."Hislipsbrushedherforeheadwithbreathlesstenderness."It
helpsifyou'reinlovewiththem."

"Isupposeyoucouldn'thelpbutknowthat,"shesaid,hereyesfaintlysad."Ialwaysdidwearmyheart
onmysleeve."

Henuzzledherfaceuntilsheliftedittohisquiet,vividblueeyes."Iloveyou,"hesaidquietly.

"Didn'tyouknow?"

No,shedidn'tknow.Herbreathstoppedinherthroatandshefelttheflushthatevenreddenedher
breasts.

"MyGod,"hemurmured,watchingitspread."I'veneverseenawomanblushhere."Hetouchedher
breasts,verygently.

"Well,nowyouhave,andyoucanstopthrowingyourconquestsinmyface—Oh!"Hismouth

stoppedthetirade,andhesmiledagainstit."Theyweren'tconquests,theywereeducational
experiencesthatmademetheperfectspecimenofmaleprowessyouseebeforeyou."

"Ofalltheconceitedpeople..."shebegan.

Hetouchedher,andshegasped,clingingtohim.

"Whatwasthatbit,aboutbeingconceited?"heasked.

Shemoanedandcurledintohisbody,shivering."Harden!"shecried.

"I'llbetyoudidn'tevenknowthatonlyonemanoutoftwentyiscapableofthis...."Thecigarettewent
intotheashtrayandhisbodycoveredhers.Andhegaveheralongandunbearablysweetlessonin
raremaleendurancethatlastedalmostuntilmorning.

Whenshewoke,hewasdressed,whistlingtohimselfashewhippedabeltaroundhisleanhipsand
securedthebigsilverbuckle.

"Awake?"hemurmureddryly.Hearchedaneyebrowasshemovedandgroanedandwinced."Icould
stayhomeandwecouldmakelovesomemore."

Shecaughtherbreath,gapingathim."Andyourbrotherthinksyou'reavirgin!"sheburstout.He
shrugged."Weallmakemistakes."

"Yes,wellthepeoplewhowritesexmanualscoulddotwochaptersonyou!"shegasped.Hegrinned.
"Icouldreturnthecompliment.Don'tgetupunlessyouwantto.Havingyoutaketoyourbedcanonly
reflectfavorablyonmyreputationinthehousehold."Sheburstoutlaughingattheexpressiononhis
face.Shesatup,lettingthecoversfallbelowherbarebreasts,andheldoutherarms.

Hedroppedintothem,kissingherwithlazyaffec-

HARDEN

tion."Iloveyou,"hewhispered."I'msorryifIwasalittletooenthusiasticaboutshowingit."

"NomoreenthusiasticthanIwas,"shemurmuredsoftly.Shereachedupandkissedhimback."Iwish
youcouldstayhome.IwishIwasn'tso...incapacitated."

"Don'tsoundregretful,"hechuckled."Wasn'titfungettingyouthatway?"Sheclungtohim,sighing.
"Oh,yes."Hereyesopenedandshestaredpasthimatthewall,almostpurringashishandsfoundher
silkybreastsandcaressedthemsoftly."Harden?"

"What,sweetheart?"

Sheclosedhereyes."Nothing.Just...Iloveyou."

Hesmiled,andreacheddowntokissheragain.

WhenhewentdownstairstohaveJeanieMaytakeatrayuptoMiranda,EvangrinnedlikeaCheshire
cat.

"Wornheroutafteronlyoneday?You'dbetterputsomevitaminsonthattrayandfeedherup,"he
said.

Hardenactuallygrinnedback."I'mworkingonthat."

"Igathereverything'sgoingtobeallright?"

"Nothankstoyou,"Hardensaidmeaningfully.

Evan'scheekswentruddy."Iwasonlytryingtohelp,andhowwasItoknowthetruth?MyGod,you
neverwentaroundwithwomen,youneverbroughtanybodyhome...Youcouldhavebeenavirgin!"
Hardensmiledsecretly."Yes,Icouldhave."

ThewayheputitmadeEvanmoresuspiciousthanever."Areyou?"heasked.

"Notanymore,"camethedryreply."EvenifIwas,"headdedtofurtherconfoundtheolderman.The
smilefaded."Where'sTheodora?"

"Outfeedingherchickens."

Henodded,andwentoutthebackdoor.He'dsaidsomehardthingstoTheodoraovertheyears,and
Mirandawasrightabouthisvendetta.Itwastimetorunupthewhiteflag.Theodorasawhimcoming
andgrimaced,andwhenhesawthatexpression,somethingtwistedinhisheart.

"Goodmorning,"hesaid,hishandsstuffedintohispockets.Theodoraglancedathimwarily."Good
morning,"shereplied,tossingcorntohersmallcongregationofRhodeIslandReds.

"Ithoughtwemighthaveatalk."

"Whybother?"sheaskedquietly."YouandMirandawillbeinyourownplacebynextweek.You
won'thavetocomeoverhereexceptatChristmas."

Hetookoutacigaretteandlitit,tryingtodecidehowtoproceed.Itwasn'tgoingtobeeasy.Inall
fairness,itshouldn'tbe,heconceded.

"I...wouldliketoknowaboutmyfather,"hesaid.

ThebowlslidinvoluntarilyfromTheodora'shandsandscatteredtherestofthecornwhileshestared,
white-faced,atHarden."What?"sheasked.

"Iwanttoknowaboutmyfather,"hesaidtersely.

"Whohewas,whathelookedlike."Hehesitated."Howyou...feltabouthim."

"Iimagineyouknowthatalready,"sherepliedproudly."Don'tyou?"Heblewoutacloudofsmoke.
"Yes.IthinkIdo,now,"heagreed."There'sabigdifferencebetweenloveandinfatuation.Ididn't
know,untilImetMir-anda."

"Allthesame,I'msorryaboutAnita,"shesaidtightly."I'vehadtolivewithit,too,youknow."

"Yes."Hehesitated."It...musthavebeenhardforyou.Havingme,livinghere."Hestaredather,
searchingforwords."IfMirandaandIhadn'tmarried,ifI'dgivenherachild,Iknowshe'dhavehad
it.Cherishedit.Lovedit,becauseitwouldhavebeenapartofme."Theodoranodded.

"Andalltheshame,allthetauntsandcuttingremarks,wouldhavepassedrightoffherbecausewe
lovedeachothersomuch,"hecontinued."She'dhaveraisedmychild,andwhatshefeltforhim
wouldhavebeen...special,becausealovelikethatonlyhappensonceformostpeople."Theodora
avertedhereyes,blindedbytears."Ifthey'relucky,"shesaidhuskily.

"Ididn'tknow,"hesaidunsteadily,unconsciouslyrepeatingtheverywordsMirandahadsaidtohim
thenightbefore."Ineverloved...untilnow."

Theodoracouldn'tfindthewords.Sheturned,findinganequalemotioninHarden'sface.Shestood
there,smallanddefenseless,andsomethingburstinsidehim.Heheldouthisarms.Theodorawent
intothem,cryingherheartoutagainsthisbroadchest,washingawayallthebitternessandpainand
hurt.Shefeltsomethingwetagainsthercheek,wherehisfacerested,andaroundthemthewindblew.

"Mother,"hesaidhuskily.

Herthinarmstightened,andshesmiled,thankingGodformiracles.Later,theysatonthefrontporch
andshetoldhimabouthisfather,bringingoutalong-hiddenalbumthatcontainedtheonlyprecious
photographsshehad.

"Helookslikeme,"Hardenmused,seeinghisownfacereflectedinwhat,inthephotograph,wasa
muchyoungerone.

"Hewaslikeyou,"shereplied."Braveandloyalandloving.Henevershirkedhisduty,andIloved
himwithallmyheart.Istilldo.Ialwayswill."

"Didyourhusbandknowhowyoufelt?"

"Oh,yes,"shesaidsimply."Iwastoohonesttopretend.Buthelovedchildren,yousee,andmy
pregnancybroughtoutallhisprotectiveinstincts.HelovedmethewayIlovedBarry,"sheadded
sadly.

"IgavehimallIcould,andhopedthatitwouldbeenough."Shebrushedatatear."Helovedyou,you
know.Eventhoughyouweren'tbloodkintohim,hewascrazyaboutyoufromthedayyouwere
born."Hesmiled."Yes.Iremember."Hefrownedashelookedathismother.“I’msorry.I'mso
damnedsorry."

“Youhadtofindyourway,"shesaid.“Ittookalongtime,andyouhadplentyofsorrowalongthe
way.Iknewwhatyouweregoingthroughinschool,withtheotherchildrenthrowingthefactsof
yourbirthuptoyou.ButifIhadinterfered,Iwouldhavemadeitworse,don'tyousee?Youhadto
learntocope.Experienceisalwaysthebestteacher."

"Evenifitdoesn'tseemsoatthetime.Yes,Iknowthatnow."

"AboutAnita..."

Hetookherthin,wrinkledhandinhisandheldittightly."Anita'speoplewouldneverhaveletus
marry.Butevennow,Ican'treallybesurethatitwasmeshewanted,orjustsomeoneherparents
didn'tapproveof.Shewasveryyoung,andhigh-strung,andhermotherdiedinanasylum.Evansaid
thatifGodwantssomeonetolive,theywill,despitetheodds.Idon'tknowwhyIneverrealizedthat
untilnow."

Shesmiledgently."IthinkMiranda'sopenedyoureyestoalotofthings."Henodded."Shewon'tever
forgetherhusband,orthechildshelost.That'sagoodthing.Ourexperiencesmakeusthepeoplewe
are.Butthepastisjustthat.SheandIwillmakeourownhappiness.Andthere'llbeotherbabies.Alot
ofthem,Ihope."

"Oh,thatremindsme!JoAnn'spregnant!"

"Maybeit'sthewater,"Hardensaid,andsmiledather.

Shelaughed.Thesmilefadedandhereyeswereeloquent."Iloveyouverymuch."

"I...loveyou,"hesaidstiffly.He'dsaiditmoreintwodaysthanhe'dsaiditinhislife.Probablyit
wouldgeteasierashewentalong.Theodoradidn'tseemtomind,though.Shejustbeamedandaftera
minute,sheturnedthepageintheoldalbumandstartedrelatingotherstoriesaboutHarden'sfather.It
waslateafternoonbeforeMirandacamedownstairs,andEvanwastryingnottosmileasshewalked
gingerlyintothelivingroomwhereheandHardenwerediscussinganewlandpurchase.

"Goahead,laugh,"shedaredEvan."It'sallyourfault!"Evandidlaugh."Ican'tbelievethat'sa
complaint,judgingbythedisgustinglysmuglookonyourhusband'sface,"hemused.

Sheshookherhead,asbrightasanewpennyasshewentintoHarden'sarmsandpressedclose.

"Nocomplaintsatall,"Hardensaid,sighing.Heclosedhiseyesandlaidhischeekagainstherdark

hair."IjusthopeIwon'tdieofhappiness."

“Peoplehave,"Evanmurmured.Buthiseyesweresadasheturnedawayfromthem."Well,I'dbetter
getbusy.Ishouldbebackintimeforsupper,ifthisdoesn'trunlate."

“GiveAnnamylove,"Hardenreplied.

Evangrimaced."Annaisprecocious,"hemuttered."Tooforwardandtoooutspokenbyfarfora
nineteen-year-old."

"Mostofmyfriendsweremarriedbythatage,"Mirandavolunteered.Evanlookeduncomfortableand
almosthauntedforaminute."Shedoesn'tevenneedtobethere,"hesaidshortly."HermotherandI
candiscussalanddealwithouther."

"Ishermotherpretty?"Mirandaasked."Maybeshe'schaperoningyou."

"Hermotherisfiftyandasthinasarail,"hereplied."Hardlymytype."

"WhatdoesAnnalooklike?"Mirandaasked,curiousnow.

"She'svoluptuous,tocoinaphrase,"Hardenansweredforhistaciturnbrother."Blondeandblue-eyed
andtall.She'sbeenswimmingaroundEvanforfouryears,buthewon'tevengiveheralook.He's
thirty-four,youknow.Muchtoooldforamerechildofnineteen."

"That'sdamnedright,"hetoldHardenforcibly."Amandoesn'trobcradles.MyGod,I'veknownher
sinceshewasachild."Hefrowned."Whichshestillis,ofcourse,"headdedquickly.

"Goahead,convinceyourself,"Hardennodded.

"Idon'thavetodoanyconvincing!"

"Haveagoodtime."

"I'mgoingtobediscussinglandprices,"hesaid,glaringatHarden.

"Iusedtoenjoythat,"Hardensaid,shrugging."Youmight,too."

"Thatwillbetheday.I..."

"Harden,wantachocolatecakeforsupper?"Theodoracalledfromthedoorway,smiling.Harden
drewMirandacloserandsmiledback."Loveone,ifit'snottoomuchtrouble."

"Notroubleatall,"shesaidgently.

"Mother!"hecalledwhensheturned,andEvan'seyespopped.

"What?"Theodoraaskedpleasantly.

"Buttericing?"

Shelaughed."That'sjustwhatIhadinmind!"

Evan'sjawwasevenwithhiscollar."MyGod!"heexclaimed.

Hardenlookedathim."Somethingwrong?"

"YoucalledherMother!"

"OfcourseIdid,Evan,she'smymother,"hereplied.

"You'venevercalledheranythingexceptTheodora,"Evanexplained."Andyousmiledather.You
evenmadesureshewouldn'tbeputtoanyextraworkmakingyouacake."HelookedatMiranda.

"Maybehe'ssick."

Mirandalookedupathimshylyandblushed."No,Idon'tthinkso."

"I'dhavetobeweakifIweresick,"heexplainedtoEvan,andMirandamadeanembarrassedsound
andhidherfaceagainsthisshoulder.

Evanshookhishead."Miracles,"hesaidabsently.Heshrugged,smiling,andturnedtowardthedoor,
reachingforhishatashewalkedthroughthehall."I'llbebackbysupper."

"Anna'sagreatcook,"Hardenremindedhim."Youmightgetinvitedforsupper."

"Iwon'taccept.Itoldyou,damnit,she'stooyoungforme!"Hewentout,slammingthedoorbehind
him.

HardenledMirandaoutthefrontdoorandontotheporch,tosharetheswingwithhim."Annawants
tolovehim,buthewon'tlether,"heexplained.

"Why?"

"I'lltellyouonedarknight,"hepromised."Butfornow,we'vegototherthingstothinkabout.Haven't
we?"headdedsoftly.

"Oh,yes."Shecaughtherbreathjustbeforehetookitaway,andshesmiledunderhishungrykiss.

TheharshmemoriesofthewreckthathadalmostdestroyedMiranda'slifefadeddaybywonderful
day,asMirandaandHardengrewcloser.Theodorawasdrawnintothecircleoftheirhappinessand
thenewrelationshipsheenjoyedwithHardenlastedevenwhenthenewlywedsmovedintotheirown
house.

ButMiranda'sjoywascompleteweekslater,whenshefaintedatafamilygatheringandawhitefaced
Hardencarriedherhotfoottothedoctor.

"Nothingtoworryabout,"Dr.Barnesassuredthemwithagrin,afteracursoryexaminationandafew
pointedquestions."Nothingatall.Asmallgrowththatwillcomeoutallbyitself—injustaboutseven
months."

Theydidn'tunderstandatfirst.Andwhentheydid,MirandacouldhaveswornthatHarden'seyeswere
wateryashehuggedherhalftodeathinthedoctor'soffice.ForMiranda,thecirclewascomplete.The
oldlifewasasadmemory,andnowtherewasafutureofbrightnessandwarmthtolookforwardto
inafamilycirclethatclosedaroundherlikegentlearms.Shehad,sheconsideredasshelookedupat
herhandsomehusband,thewholeworldrightherebesideher.