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LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATIONDATAGrant,Heidi,1973-Succeed:howwecanreachourgoals/Heidi

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Formyhusband,JonathanHalvorson

andourchildren,AnnikaandMaximilian

andformymother,SigridGrant

Foreword

byCarolS.Dweck,Ph.D.

HEIDIGRANTHALVORSONKNOWSJUSTABOUTEVERYTHINGTHEREIStoknowabout
settinggoalsandreachingthem.Inthisbook,shesharesthisknowledgewithyou.

Shetakesallthelatestresearchinpsychology,distillsittoitsessence,andmakesitpractical.Why

don’tyousticktoyourNewYear’sresolutions?What’sthebestwaytomakesureyougetstartedonthe
reportthat’sdue?Whycanfocusingongradesharmstudents’grades?Howdoyoumatchyourgoalsto
youroutlookonlife?Whyaresomedepressedpeoplehighlyeffective?Sheanswersallofthese
questions(andmanymore)inwaysyoucanuse.

Dr.GrantHalvorsonisnotonlyawonderfulwriter,she’salsoaresearcherwhodidmuchofthe

researchthatappearsinthisbook!Sheunderstoodfromtheverystartofhercareerthatpeople’sgoals
wereatthecenteroftheirwell-beingandsuccess,andinthecourseofherresearch,shehashad
extraordinaryinsightsintowhypeoplesetthegoalstheydoandwhytheydoordon’treachthem.In
fact,herresearchhasansweredeveryquestionIposedinthepreviousparagraph.

Dr.GrantHalvorsonalsohasgreattasteinotherpeople’sresearch.Sheknowswhichresearchis

importantandmeaningful,andsheknowshowtocaptureitsessenceanditspracticalapplications.
Psychologicalresearchcansometimesberigorouswithoutbeingmeaningful,anditcansometimes
addressmeaningfulissueswithoutbeingrigorousortrustworthy.Alloftheworkyouwillreadabout
hereshedslightonthemostbasicprocessesofhumanmotivationandhasbeenheldtothehighest
standardsofresearch.That’swhatmakesthisbooksoexceptional.

Themostimportantmessageofthisbookisthatpeoplecanchange.It’snotnecessarilyeasy,butitis

possiblewiththerightmotivationandtherightinformationabouthowtogoaboutit.Theproblemhas
alwaysbeen,Wheredowegotogettherightinformation?Thesolutionisathand;youneedonlyturn
thepage.

IamproudtohavebeenoneofDr.GrantHalvorson’smentors,butIhavebeenevenmoreexcitedto

learnfromheraccomplishments,herknowledge,andherwisdom.Asyoureadthisbook,youwillsee
exactlywhatImean.

Introduction

WHYDOWEFAILTOREACHOURGOALS?WHETHERIT’SWANTINGTOimpressourbosses,
findalovingrelationship,straightenoutourfinances,ortakebettercareofourselves—weallfeelthat
thereisatleastonepartofourlivesthatisinrealneedofimprovement.(And,inreality,it’susually
morethanjustonepart.)Wewanttodobetter,weeventrytodobetter,butsomehowwefallshortor
missthemark—sometimesoverandoveragain.Sowegolookingforsomethingtoblameforour
failures,andmostofthetimeweblameourselves.Wefeellikewejustdon’thavewhatittakes—
whateverthatis—toreachourgoals.Andwecouldnotbemorewrong.

Asasocialpsychologist,I’vespentyearsstudyingachievement.I’vecarefullyobservedthousandsof

researchparticipantspursuegoalsatwork,intheclassroom,ontheplayingfield,andinmyown
laboratory.I’veaskedpeopletofilloutweeksofdailydiaryreports,tellingmeallaboutthegoalsthey
pursueintheireverydaylives.I’vereviewedhundredsandhundredsofstudiesongoalsandmotivation.
AndI’vecometoafewconclusions,twoofwhichI’llsharewithyounow.

Mostofusblameourfailuresonthewrongthings.Evenverysmart,accomplishedpeopledon’t

understandwhytheysucceedorfail.BeforeIstartedstudyingthisforaliving,myintuitionsabout
achievementwerenobetterthananyoneelse’s.IthoughtthatIwasgoodatschoolanddisastrousat
sportsbecauseIwasbornthatway.Iwasn’t—actually,nooneissimply“bornthatway.”Ihadalotto
learn.

AnotherconclusionI’vereachedafteralltheseyearsofstudyingachievementisthatanyonecanbe

moresuccessfulatreachinghisorhergoals.Anyonecan.Ireallycan’temphasizethatenough.Butthe
firststepistoputasideyourbeliefsaboutwhyyou’vesucceededorfailedinthepast,becausetheyare
probablywrong.Andthesecondstepistoreadthisbook.

Youmaynotbeawarethatthegovernmentkeepstrackofthis,butonitswebsite

www.USA.gov

,you

canfindalistofthemostpopularperennialNewYear’sresolutionsAmericansmake.Onthatlist,you
probablywon’tbesurprisedtofindboth“loseweight”and“quitsmoking.”EveryJanuary,millionsof
people—andlikeme,youmaybeoneofthem—havesetoneofthesetwogoalsforthemselves,vowing
thatthisistheyearthattheywillfinallygethealthy,fitintotheirskinnyjeans,orstopspendingasmall
fortuneoncigarettes.

AccordingtothelatestreportsissuedbytheCentersforDiseaseControlandPrevention(CDC),two

outofthreeAmericansareoverweight,andoneinthreeisobese.Themajorityoftheseindividuals
wouldverymuchprefertoweighless.Overweightindividualsnotonlygrapplewithanincreased
susceptibilitytoheartdiseaseanddiabetes,buttheycontendwiththeself-esteem-crushing
consequencesofbeingheavyinasocietyinwhichthinisin.Andyet,despiteanabundanceofdiet
booksandplans,andaveryrealandpowerfuldesiretobeslim,relativelyfewpeoplewhosetoutto
loseweightactuallymanagetoloseitandkeepitofflong-term.We’renotgettinganythinner,andour
skinnyjeansarestillwaitingforusinourclosets.

TheCDCalsokeepstrackofsmokers—today,roughlyoneinfiveadultAmericanssmoke.Inits

surveys,sevenoutoftensmokersreportedthattheywantedtoquitsmokingcompletely,andnearlyhalf
ofthosewhowantedtoquit(over19million)hadstoppedsmokingforatleastonedayintheprevious
twelvemonthsinanattempttokickthehabit.Onlyabout3millionmanagetomakeitlast—thatmeans
thatabout85percentofthepeoplewhowanttoquit,andhaveactuallysetthemselvesthegoalof

quitting,fail.Inspiteofallthepublicawarenessoftheseriousriskstoone’shealth,nearlyhalfa
millionAmericansdieeveryyearfromsmoking-relatedillnesses.Soifyou’reasmokerandyoufailto
quitsmoking,youmaywelldieasaresultofit.Andthe85percentofpeoplewhotrytoquitandfail
eachyearknowit.

So,whythehighfailurerates?It’sobviouslynotthatthemanywhotrytoloseweightorquit

smokingaren’tmotivated.Therearen’tmanyincentivesmorepowerfulthanknowing“thiscouldkill
you.”Whythendopeoplefail,overandoveragain,toachievegoalsthatarevitaltotheirwell-being?
Themostcommonansweryou’llhear,andprobablytheoneyouwerethinkingwhenIaskedthat
question,isthatit’saboutwillpower.Andby“willpower,”Imeansomeinnatequalityofinnerstrength
thatallowsthosewhohaveittosuccessfullyavoidtemptation.Mostpeoplebelievethatit’s
fundamentallyacharacterissue.Somepeoplehavewillpower(thethin,nonsmokers—andweadmire
themforit).Othersdon’t,andwejudgethemaccordingly.Thosewhodon’taresimplyweaker,less
successfulpeople,withlessadmirablecharactertraits.

Interestingly,that’snotonlyhowwedescribethefailuresofothers—it’salsohowwedescribeour

ownshortcomings.CountlesstimesI’veheardcolleagues,students,andfriendstalkabouthowthey
“justcan’tstop”smoking,“justcan’tresist”thedessertcart,“justcan’tgetgoing”onadifficultproject.
Andonceyou’vedecidedyoujustdon’thavethewillpowertoloseweightorquitsmokingorstop
procrastinating,whybothertrying?Whathopeisthereforyou?

Well,theansweristhatthereisactuallyplentyofhopeforyou,becauseitturnsoutthatwillpoweris

notwhatyouthinkitis.Anditmightbehelpfultousealessloftytermforit,becausewhatwearereally
talkingabouthereisplainoldself-control.Self-controlistheabilitytoguideyouractionsinpursuitofa
goal—topersevereandstayoncourse,despitetemptations,distractions,andthedemandsofcompeting
goals.It’sreally,reallyimportant—oneofthecriticalelementsnecessaryforachievingyourgoalsthat
I’llbetalkingalotaboutinthisbook.Butitdoesn’tworkthewayyouthinkitdoes.

SuccessfulPeopleandtheParadoxofSelf-Control

Firstofall,it’ssimplynotthecasethatsomepeoplehaveitandothersdon’t.Ifthatweretrue,then
you’dexpectallthepeopleintheworldtobreakdownveryclearlyinto“winners”and“losers.”
Becausetheyareinpossessionofthemightypowerofself-control,successfulpeoplewouldbe
successfulallthetime,winningateverythingtheydo.Andunsuccessfulpeople,theonesutterlylacking
inthiscriticalability,wouldprettymuchstinkateverythingtheytried.Why,withoutanyself-control,
thesepeoplewouldfinditnearlyimpossiblejusttogetoutofbedinthemorning!

It’sobviousthatnoneofthatisactuallytrue.Winnersdon’twinateverything,andnooneisso

lackinginself-controlthattheycan’taccomplishanything.It’struethatsomepeoplemayhavemore
self-controlthanothers,buteveryonehassome.Andasitturnsout,evenpeoplewithalotofself-
controlsometimesrunout.Tovividlyillustratethispoint,allyouneedtodoisthinkaboutallthevery
successfulpeople—peoplewhohaverisentotheverytopoftheirgame—whohavestruggledpublicly
withoneofthesetwodifficultNewYear’sresolutions.

Celebritieswhohavetalkedopenlyabouttheirmanyattemptstoloseweightandkeepitoffinclude

Grammy-winningmusicians(JanetJackson,WynonnaJudd)andOscarorEmmy-winningactors
(OprahWinfrey,RoseanneBarr,KirstieAlley,RosieO’Donnell,ElizabethTaylor).Asyou’veprobably
noticedinthecheckoutaisle,popularmagazinesareconstantlysplashingphotosoftheseandother

well-knownfacesontheircovers.Sometimes,thecelebrityproudlydisplaysaslimmed-downbodythat
isthehard-earnedresultofahealthydietandexercise.Atothertimes,thephotorevealsthe
consequencesofareturntobadhabits,alongwithsomeveryunkindcomments.(Ifyou’rewondering
whyIlistedonlywomencelebrities,it’snotbecausesuccessfulmendon’tstrugglewiththeirweight,
too.Womenaresimplymorelikelytotalkpubliclyaboutit.)

Thisisprobablyagoodtimetopointoutthatwhilewedosometimesfailtoreachourgoalsbecause

wedon’tknowwhatweneedtodotoreachthem,it’smoreoftenthecasethatweknowexactlywhat
needstohappen,andstillwefail.Everyoneknowsthateatinglessandexercisingmorewillhelpyou
loseweight.Butknowingisonething,andactuallydoingitisanotherthingentirely.Manyofuscan
lookatourownstruggleswithwhateveritmaybeandseethatveryclearly—whetherit’sweightloss,
quittingsmoking,realizingourpotentialatschoolorwork,repairing(orstayingoutof)dysfunctional
relationships.Weseemtomakethesamemistakesoverandoveragain,eventhoughwefeelweknow
better—evenwhenfailingtoreachourgoalsubjectsustounpleasant,oftencruelpublicscrutiny.

Speakingofpublicscrutiny,thereisperhapsnobetterexampleofhowaverysuccessfulpersoncan

haveatoughtimeconqueringhisNewYear’sresolutionsthanourcurrentpresidentandhison-again,
off-againbattletoquitsmoking.InFebruary2007,thensenatorObamatoldtheChicagoTribunethathe
hadresolvedtoquitsmokingonceandforall.

I’vequitperiodicallyoverthelastseveralyears.I’vegotanironcladdemandfrommywifethat
inthestressesofthecampaignIdon’tsuccumb.

Itdidn’tlast.President-electObamatoldTomBrokawinlate2008thathehadstopped,butthat

“therearetimeswhenI’vefallenoffthewagon.”AstheNewYorkTimesreportedinDecember2008,
“hisgood-humoredwafflinginvariousinterviewsaboutsmokingmadeitplainthatMr.Obama,like
manywhohavevowedtoquitatthistimeofyear,hadnottrulydoneso.”There’sreallynowayof
knowingiforwhenthepresidentkickshishabit—hisstaffdoesn’tdiscussit,andhe’snotlikelytobe
caughtsmokingontheWhiteHouselawn.Icertainlyhopehehasquit;butitwouldhardlybesurprising
ifhehasn’t,giventhatitcantakesmokersasmanyastenormoreattemptsbeforetheyfinallyquitfor
good.

DoesPresidentObamalackself-control?Hardly.BarackObamaworkedhiswayupfromrelatively

modestbeginningstobecomearguablythemostpowerfulmanintheworld.Hismeteoricrisefrom
communityorganizertoHarvardLawReviewpresident,statesenator,U.S.senator,andfinallypresident
oftheUnitedStateswouldbeworthyofadmirationwerehethesonofwell-connected,NewEngland
bluebloods.Butheisn’t—he’sthemixed-racechildofabrokenhomeandafamilyofaveragemeans,
withnoparticularadvantagesotherthanhisclearlyextraordinaryintelligenceanddetermination.Even
ifyou’renotafan,you’vegottoadmitthatthisisaguywhoknowssomethingaboutreachinggoals.

AlltheindividualsI’vementionedhaveknownextraordinarysuccess.Manyhaveovercomenearly

insurmountableobstaclesandadversityinordertoachievewhatthey’veachieved.Countlesschildren
dreamofonedaybecominganaward-winningartistorapowerfulworldleader.Veryfewactuallydoit.
Nooneachievesthatkindofsuccesswithoutpossessingalotofself-control.Achievingevenordinary,
garden-varietysuccessesrequiresplentyofself-control.Thinkbacktotheachievementsinyourown
life—theonesyouaremostproudof.I’llbetyouneededtoworkhard,persistdespitedifficulty,and
stayfocused,whenitwouldhavebeenmucheasierforyoutojustrelaxandnotbother.Youneededto
avoidtemptation,whenitwouldhavebeenmorefuntogivein.Andyouprobablyneededtobecritical
andhonestwithyourself,whenitwouldhavebeenfarmorepleasanttojustletyourselfbelievethatyou
wereawesomeandneedednoimprovements.Eachofthoseaspectsofreachingagoalrequiresself-

control.Undoubtedly,someonelikePresidentObamaisinpossessionofanextraordinarycapacityfor
self-control.Butthepresidenthasrepeatedlyquitsmokingonlytostartupagain.Howcanthatmake
sense?

WhatSelf-ControlIsReallyLike

Actually,itmakesperfectsenseifyouunderstandthetruenatureofself-control.Andrecently,inlight
ofsomeveryinterestingresearchfindings,psychologistshavecometounderstandthatthecapacityfor
self-controlisverymuchlikeamuscle.That’sright—likeabiceportricep.Iknowthatsoundsodd,but
letmeexplain.

Likeamuscle,self-controlcanvaryinitsstrength—notonlyfrompersontoperson,butfrommoment

tomoment.Evenwell-developedbicepssometimesgettired,andsotoodoesyourself-controlmuscle.
Inoneoftheearliesttestsofthistheoryofself-controlstrength(orself-regulatorystrength,asitis
sometimescalled),RoyBaumeisterandhiscolleaguespresentedveryhungrycollegestudentswitha
bowlofchocolatesandabowlofradishes.

Bothbowlswereplacedonatableinfrontofeachstudent,whowasthenleftalonetostareatthe

bowls.Someofthestudentswereaskedtoeattwoorthreeoftheradishesduringtheiralonetime,and
tonoteatanyofthechocolates.Others(theluckyones)wereaskedtoeattwoorthreechocolates,while
avoidingtheradishes.Comparedtothechocolateeaters,theradisheatersshouldhavehadtouseupa
fairamountofself-control.It’shardenoughformostpeopletoeatarawradish,ortonoteatreadily
availablechocolates—justimaginedoingboth.

Next,toseehowmuchself-controlthestudentsineachgrouphadusedup,Baumeistergavethem

eachapuzzletoworkon.Thepuzzlewasdifficult—actually,itwasunsolvable—butwhatinterested
Baumeisterwashowlongthestudentswouldworkonitbeforegivingup.Asthe“muscle”theory
wouldpredict,hefoundthattheradisheatersgaveupmuchfasterthanthechocolateeaters.Theyeven
reportedfeelingmoretiredafterward.

Sohowdoesthisrelatetoyouandme,andtosituationsthatdon’tnecessarilyinvolveradishes?

Thinkofitthisway—ifyou’vejustfinishedworkingout,chancesareyourmuscleswillbetired,and
you’llhavesappedsomeofthestrengthyoustartedwithwhenyouarrivedatthegym.Ifyou’vejust
finisheddoingsomethingthatrequiresalotofself-control(likeproducingatelevisionshoworleading
thefreeworld),you’veprobablyspentalotofyourself-controlstrengthaswell.Recentresearchshows
thateveneverydayactionslikemakingadecisionortryingtomakeagoodimpressioncansapthis
valuableresource.Peoplewhoareverysuccessfulinoneormoreareasoftheirlifearesuccessful
preciselybecausethat’swheretheydevotethebulkoftheircapacityforself-control.Whenyoudeal
withalotofstressallday,nomatterwhoyouare,youmayfindyourselfdepletedandvulnerableto
goalfailure.

InanarticleinOmagazine,Oprahconcludesadiscussionofhermostrecentweightgainby

observing:

WhatI’velearnedthisyearisthatmyweightissueisn’tabouteatinglessorworkingoutharder
...It’saboutmylifebeingoutofbalance,withtoomuchworkandnotenoughplay,notenough
timetocalmdown.Iletthewellrundry.

Ithinkthatlastremarkisparticularlyinsightfulandrightonthemoney.Whenyoutaxittoomuch,

thewellofself-controlwillcertainlyrundry.

WhatYouCanDoaboutIt

Soperhapsnowyou’rethinking,“Okay,myfailuretoloseweightisn’tbecauseIlackwillpowerin
general,butbecauseI’vespentitallonotherimportantgoals,likesucceedingatwork.Great.Howdoes
thathelpme,exactly?”Fairenough.Ithelpsyoubecause,ifyouunderstandthekindofthingself-
controlis,youcanplanaccordingly.Thisbringsustoanotherwayinwhichself-controlislikeamuscle
—namely,thatifyourestitforawhile,yougetyourstrengthback.Depletionisonlytemporary,and
youaremostvulnerableimmediatelyafteryou’veusedupyourself-controlreserves.Didyouever
noticehowdealingwithatemptationseemstogeteasierovertime?Itmayfeelliketorturetoforgothat
dessertorcigarette,ortothinkaboutstartingworkonthatprojectyou’vebeendreading,butitdoesn’t
keeptorturingyouquitesomuchastimepasses.Ifyoucangetpastthatmomentwhenyourself-control
isnearlyspentandgiveittimetobounceback,you’reprobablygoingtobejustfine.

Thereareotherwaysaroundthisproblem,too.Alackofself-controlstrengthcansometimesbe

overcomewithwell-chosenincentivesorrewards.PsychologistsMarkMuravenandElisaveta
SlessarevatoldstudentsparticipatinginastudyatCaseWesternReserveUniversitytowatchafive-
minutevideoclipofRobinWilliamsperformingaparticularlyfunnypieceofstand-up.

Halfofthe

studentsweretoldthattheywouldbeunderobservationandwereinstructednottolaughorsmilewhile
watchingthevideo.Thistookalotofself-control(itwasaveryfunnyclip),anditsappedtheir
willpowerresources.Todemonstratethisdepletion,allofthestudentswerethengivenacupoforange
Kool-Aidtodrink—exceptinsteadofusingsugar,theexperimentersmadeitwithvinegar.Itwas
unpleasant,thoughdrinkableifyouforcedyourself.Ifyou’veeverpsychedyourselfuptoswallowcold
medicine,youknowthatit’sanactthatrequiressignificantself-control,butit’sdoable.

MuravenandSlessarevadidn’tstopthere—theyalsovariedhowmuchthestudentswouldbepaidfor

everyounceofvinegarKool-Aidtheymanagedtogetdown.Whenthestudentswerereceiving
relativelylowpayfordrinkingthevinegarKool-Aid(onecentperounce),thosewhohadbeenallowed
tolaughatRobinWilliamsdranktwiceasmuchasthosewhohadtosuppresstheirlaughter,
demonstratingthatthatlattergrouphadindeeddepletedtheirself-controlstrength.Butamongstudents
whowerepaidwell(twenty-fivecentsperounce)theeffectcompletelydisappeared.Eventhe
suppressorsmanagedtodrinkdownquitealotofthegrossconcoction.

Doesthismeanthatmoneycancreateself-control?Or,toputitdifferently,thatrewardscanreplenish

yourwillpower?Notexactly—it’sprobablymoreaccuratetosaythatincreasingyourmotivation
throughbetterrewardscanhelpyoucompensateforatemporarylossofself-control.Thisisnodoubt
whysomanysuccessfuldietersreportthattheyusednonfoodrewardsasakeypartoftheirdiet
strategies.Increasingyourmotivation,inwhateverwayworksforyou,isanexcellentwaytotipthe
scalesbackinyourfavorwhenyou’rejusttootiredtoresisttemptation.

Anotherwayinwhichwillpower,orself-control,isdifferentthanyoumayhaveimaginedisthatit’s

neitherinnatenorunchangeable.Self-controlislearned,anddevelopedandmadestronger(orweaker)
overtime.Ifyouwantmoreself-control,youcangetmore.Andyougetmoreself-controlthesameway
yougetbiggermuscles—you’vegottogiveitregularworkouts.Recentresearchhasshownthat
engagingindailyactivitiessuchasexercising,keepingtrackofyourfinancesorwhatyouareeating—
orevenjustrememberingtositupstraighteverytimeyouthinkofit—canhelpyoudevelopyour

overallself-controlcapacity.Forexample,inonestudy,studentswhowereassignedto(andstuckto)a
dailyexerciseprogramnotonlygotphysicallyhealthier,buttheyalsobecamemorelikelytowash
dishesinsteadofleavingtheminthesink,andlesslikelytoimpulsivelyspendmoney.

Inanotherdemonstrationofhowself-controlstrengthcanbeincreasedthroughregularuse,Matthew

Gailliotandhiscolleaguesaskedparticipantsinanexperimenttospendtwoweeksusingtheir
nondominanthandtodothingslikebrushtheirteeth,stirdrinks,eat,opendoors,andusethecomputer
mouse.

(Inanotherversionofthisstudy,theyaskedparticipantstorefrainfromcursing,onlyspeakin

completesentences,sayyesandnoinsteadofyeahandnope,andavoidstartingsentenceswithI.)After
twoweeksoftrainingtheirself-controlmuscle,comparedtoano-traininggroup,theyperformed
significantlybetteronataskthatrequiredself-control.Specifically,theywerebetterabletoavoidusing
anystereotypeswhenforminganimpressionofaperson.Sadly,thatturnsouttobeveryhardtodo,
thoughthatisatopicforanotherbook.

TheTopicofThisBook

I’vespentalotoftimeinthisintroductiontalkingaboutself-control,notonlybecauseit’simportant,
butbecauseit’sagreatexampleofhowourintuitionsaboutthingsthatseemobviouscansometimesfail
us.Andconsequently,it’salsoagreatexampleofhowthescienceofpsychologycanbereallyuseful—
helpingustoseenotonlywhatkindofthingwillpowerreallyis,butalsohowwecan,ifwewantto,get
ourhandsonsomemoreofit.

Thisbookisn’tactuallyjustaboutwillpower,however.It’saboutachievinggoals,andself-controlis

justonepieceofthatpuzzle.Specifically,Succeedisaboutunderstandinghowgoalswork,whattends
togowrong,andwhatyoucandotoreachyourgoalsortohelpothersreachtheirs.

Toomuchoftheadviceyou’lltypicallyhearaboutreachingyourgoalsisbothobviousanduseless—

weallknowwe’resupposedtodothingslike“StayPositive!”“MakeaPlan!”and“TakeAction!”But
whydoIneedtostaypositive?Isthatevenalwaystrue?(No.)AndwhatkindofplanshouldImake?
Doesitmatter?(Yes.)AndhowdoItakeaction?IknowthattoloseweightIneedtoeatlessand
exercisemore,butIneverseemtoactuallydoit.CanIfixthat?(Youbet.)

Someoftheadviceinthisbookmaysurpriseyou—infact,I’mcertainitwill.Butthatadviceis

drawnfromexcellentsources—notonlymyownresearchongoalsandmotivation,butseveraldecades
andmanyhundredsofrigorousexperimentalandfieldstudies,conductedbysomeoftheworld’s
leadingscientificpsychologists.

IwishthatIcouldhavecalledthisbookSucceed:TheThreeThingsYouNeedtoDotoReachAll

YourGoals.Attheveryleast,I’dprobablysellmorebooksthatway.Butit’snotthatsimple—thereare
morethanthreethingsyouneedtoknow.Forexample,itturnsoutthattherearemanywaystoframe
thesamegoalinyourmind.Doyouthinkofgettingthatpromotionassomethingyouideallywould
achieve,orassomethingyououghttoachieve?Ismasteringyourclassworkaboutdevelopingskillsor
provingthatyou’resmart?Thosedifferencesmatter—differentlyframedgoalsneedtobepursuedwith
differentstrategiesandaremoreorlessvulnerabletodifferentkindsoferrors.Frameagoaloneway,
andthepersonpursuingitwillworkhardbutneverlovewhatheisdoing.Frameagoalanotherway,
andyou’llcreateinterestandenjoyment—buttobehonest,probablynotspectacularperformance(at
leastnotintheshortrun).Forsomegoals,confidenceisessential,whileforothersitdoesn’tseemto
matterifyou’resureorshaky.

Theimportantthingisthatwhileachievingyourgoalsisabitmorecomplicatedthanjustdoing

“ThreeThings,”it’snotoverlycomplicated,either.InPart1ofthebook,“GetReady,”I’lltalkabout
thekeyprinciplesofgoal-settingthatseemtobeuniversallytrue,whetheryou’repursuinggoalsat
work,inrelationships,orforself-development.InPart2,“GetSet,”you’lllearnaboutthedifferent
kindsofgoalswesetforourselves,focusingonthefewdistinctionsthatseemtomatterthemost.I’ll
showyouhowtochoosethegoalthatwillworkbestforyoupersonallyinyoursituation.Andyou’ll
learnhowtoinstillthemostbeneficialgoalsinyourchildren,students,andemployees.InPart3,“Go,”
I’lltakeyoustepbystepthroughthemostcommonreasonswhywefailtoreachourgoalsoncewe’ve
startedpursuingthem.Andyou’lllearneffective,oftensimpleandeasy-to-implementstrategiesfor
avoidingthesepitfallsinthefuture.

Inthelastdecadeortwo,socialpsychologistshavecometoknowalotabouthowgoalswork.

Succeedismyattempttotakethatknowledgeoutoftheacademicjournalsandhandbooksandspreadit
aroundabitmoresothatitcandosomegood.

PARTONE

GetReady

CHAPTER1

DoYouKnowWhereYouAreGoing?

THEFIRSTSTEPTOGETTINGANYWHEREISTODECIDEWHEREYOUwanttogo.That
seemssoobviousthatyoumaybewonderingwhyIbotheredtosayit.Well,foronething,despiteits
obviousness,you’dbesurprisedtolearnjusthowoftenwecompletelyforgettodoit.Ohsure,youfeel
likeyou’vesetalotofgoalsforyourself,buthaveyoureally?Orhaveyoujustthoughtabouthow
you’dliketobehappier,healthier,ormoresuccessful,withoutactuallydecidingwhatspecificallyyou
weregoingtodoaboutit?Youhavedesires,lotsandlotsofthingsthatyouwanttohappen,buthow
manyofthosewisheshaveyouturnedintorealgoals?Withoutbeingtranslatedintogoals,ourdesires
remainjustthat—thingswewishwouldhappen.Imagineyouwanttotakeanicevacation.Ifyour
planningnevergetsanyfurtherthan“I’dliketogosomeplacewarm,”you’reprobablynotgoing
anywhere,areyou?

Sosettinggoalsisimportant,andinthischapterI’lldescribesomeresearchthatshowsuswhy.But

that’snotthewholestory.Becausehowyousetyourgoals—thewayyouthinkaboutwhateveritisyou
wanttodo,andhowyouwillgetthere—iseverybitasimportant.Successismorelikelywhenyou
focusontherightdetails,intherightway.

Don’tDoYourBest

Tellingsomeoneto“doyourbest”isagreatwaytomotivatethem,right?Mostofushavesaidorheard
thisexpressioncountlesstimes.It’salwaysmeantwell—doyourbestissupposedtoinspireyouwithout
puttingontoomuchpressure.It’ssupposedtobringoutthebestinyou.Onlyitdoesn’t.It’sareally
lousymotivator.

Andthat’sprimarilybecausedoyourbestisvery,veryvague.Whatismybest,exactly?Imagineyou

areamanager,andyou’vegivenyouremployeeanassignmenttoinvestigateapossiblylucrativesales
opportunityforyourcompany.It’ssomethingthatrequiresalotofwork.Andit’sreallyimportant.So
youtellyouremployee,“Bob,doyourbestonthisone.”ButwhatisBob’sbest?Howwouldyouknow
itifyousawit?Andforthatmatter,howwouldBob?DoesBobevenreallyknowwhathisbestlooks
like?Doesanyone?

Therealityisthatnoonehearsdoyourbestandthinks,“IwillworkonthisuntilIcan’tpossibly

makeiteventhetiniestbitbetter.”Thatwouldbesillyandprobablyfartootime-consumingtobeof
benefittoyouortoBob.Instead,weheardoyourbestandthink,“Iwilldoagoodenoughjobsothat
mybosswillbelievethisismybestandbehappywithit.”Notexactlyinspiringstuff.Intheabsenceof
aspecificgoal,doyourbestsomewhatironicallytendstoproduceworkthatisfarfromthebest—it’sa
recipeformediocrity.

Sowhat’sthealternative?Thealternativeistosetspecific,difficultgoals.EdwinLockeandGary

Latham,twoeminentorganizationalpsychologists,havespentseveraldecadesstudyingthe
extraordinaryeffectivenessofsettingspecificanddifficultgoals.

Inmorethanonethousandstudies

conductedbyresearchersacrosstheglobe,they’vefoundthatgoalsthatspelloutexactlywhatneedsto
beaccomplished,andthatsetthebarforachievementhigh,resultinfarsuperiorperformancethangoals
thatarevagueorthatsetthebartoolow.Andthisistrueregardlessofwhetherthegoalissomething
youadoptonyourown,somethingyouareassignedtocomplete,orsomethingthatyoudevelopjointly
withyourparent,teacher,boss,orcoworkers.

Whyarespecific,difficultgoalsmoremotivatingthandoyourbest?Thespecificpartisrelatively

straightforward.Lettingpeopleknowexactlywhatisexpectedofthem(ordecidingforyourselfexactly
whatyouwanttoachieve)removesthepossibilityofsettlingforless—oftellingyourselfthatwhat
you’vedoneis“goodenough.”Whenwhatyou’restrivingforisvague,it’stootemptingtotakethe
easywayoutwhenyou’vegottentired,discouraged,orbored.Butthere’sjustnofoolingyourselfif
you’vesetaspecificgoal.You’veeitherreacheditoryouhaven’t.Andifyouhaven’t,you’vegotlittle
choicebuttokeepontryingifyouwanttosucceed.

Whataboutthedifficultpart?Isn’titdangeroustosetdifficultgoals—aren’tIaskingfortroubleifI

setthebarhigh?Aren’tIinvitingdisappointmentandfailure?Absolutelynot!(Andhaven’tyouever
seenStandandDeliver?IfMr.Escalantecouldteachcalculustoremedialmathstudents,imaginewhat
youcouldachieveifyoudaredtotry!)Ofcourse,youshouldn’tsetgoalsthatarenotrealisticorare
impossibletoreach.Difficultbutpossibleisthekey.That’sbecausemoredifficultgoalscauseyouto,
oftenunconsciously,increaseyoureffort,focus,andcommitmenttothegoal;persistlonger;andmake
betteruseofthemosteffectivestrategies.

LockeandLathamhaveshownthistobetrueingroupsofpeopleasdiverseintheirday-to-daygoals

asscientists,businessmen,truckdrivers,unionizedworkers,andloggers.Inonestudyconductedinthe
early1970s,Lathamfoundthatloghaulerswerecarryingloadstothemillthatwere60percentofthe
legalweightlimit,onaverage—asituationthatwaswastingbothtimeandcompanyresources.Butthe
loghaulersdidnothaveanyspecificgoalsaboutwhattheyshouldbecarryingforeachload.Sohe
assignedthemthegoalofcarryingloadsthatwere94percentofthelegallimitinstead.Hereturned
afterninemonthsandfoundthattheywerenowaveragingabove90percent,savingthecompanywhat
wouldbemanymillionsintoday’sdollars.

Soifyougiveloghaulersthegoalofcarryingalotmoretrees,itturnsouttheycarryalotmoretrees.

Peopleprettymuchdowhatisaskedofthem,andrarelymore.Askforagreatperformancefrom
someone,andaslongasyou’respecificaboutwhatgreatis,youaremuchmorelikelytoactuallygetit.
Setyourselfdifficultgoals,andyourperformancewillrisetothechallenge.Inonestudyofnearlythree
thousandfederalemployees,thosewhoagreedwithstatementslike“myjobischallenging”and“people
inmyworkgroupareexpectedtoworkhard”weretheonesthathadthehighestratingsontheirannual
performancereviews.

Buttheyweremiserable,right?Wrong.Settingandachievingchallenginggoalshasotheradded

benefitsbesidesgreatperformance.Thinkaboutatimeinyourlifewhenyouaccomplishedsomething
reallydifficult,andcomparethattohowyoufeltwhenyoupulledoffsomethingrelativelyeasy.Which
feelsbetter?Succeedingatsomethinghardismorepleasurable,givesgreatersatisfactionandhappiness,
andincreasesyouroverallsenseofwell-being.Succeedingatsomethingeasyisbarelyworth
mentioning.ArecentstudyinGermanyshowedthatonlythoseemployeeswhofelttheirworkwas
difficultreportedincreasesinjobsatisfaction,happiness,andfeelingsofachievementovertime.

Youmightbewonderingifbeingsatisfiedatworkleadstobetterperformance,orifit’sthatbetter

workperformancecreatessatisfaction.Theansweristhatactuallybotharetrue—jobsatisfaction

increasespeople’scommitmenttotheirorganizationandconfidenceinthemselves,whichleadsthemto
challengethemselvesmore,whichleadstobetterperformanceandmoresatisfaction,andsoonandso
on...settingspecific,challenginggoalscreatesacycleofsuccessandhappinessthatcanrepeatitself
overandoveragain,creatingwhatLockeandLathamcallthe“highperformancecycle.”

Youtoocanstartthiscycleinyourownlife—thefirststepistosetyourselfsomeveryspecificand

reasonablydifficultgoals.Andyoucanfurtherenhanceyourchancesforsuccessbythinkingabout
thosegoalsinthemostmotivatingways.

TheBigPictureversustheNitty-Gritty

Anyactionyoutakeorgoalyouadoptcanbedescribedorthoughtaboutinanumberofdifferentways.
Usingavacuumcanbecalled“keepingthingsclean”or“suckingupcrumbsfromthefloor.”Wantingto
getanAonamathtestcanbethoughtofaswantingto“getalmostalloftheanswerscorrect”or
“masteralgebra.”Workingoutregularlycanbeabout“tryingtolose10pounds”or“tryingtobecome
morefit.”

HowDoYouThinkabouttheThingsYouDo?

Beforeyoureadon,answerthequestionsbelowtoseehowyoutypicallythinkaboutthethingsyou

do.Jotdownyouranswersinanotebookoronapieceofpaper.Therearenoright,wrong,oreven
betteranswers.Choosethedescriptionthatbestdescribesthebehaviorforyou—theonethatsounds
righttoyourears.

1.Makingalistis

a.gettingorganized
b.writingthingsdown

2.Cleaningthehouseis

a.showingone’scleanliness
b.vacuumingthefloor

3.Payingtherentis

a.maintainingaplacetolive
b.writingacheck

4.Lockingadooris

a.puttingakeyinthelock
b.securingthehouse

5.Greetingsomeoneis

a.sayinghello
b.showingfriendliness

Toscore,addupyourchoicestocreateatotalscoreusingthefollowingnumericalvalues:

1a=2,1b=1,2a=2,2b=1,3a=2,3b=1,4a=1,4b=2,5a=1,5b=2

Ifyouscored6orhigher,youareprobablysomeonewhotendstothinkabouttheirownbehaviorin

moreabstractterms—whenyouthinkaboutthethingsyoudoeachday,youdescribethembyfocusing

onwhyyouaredoingthem.Sopushingavacuumaroundthehouseisabout“keepingthingsclean”—
wantingthehousetobecleanisthereasonyouarevacuuming,sothat’showyouthinkofit.Ifyou
scoreda5orlower,youareprobablysomeonewhotendstothinkinmoreconcreteterms.Youthink
aboutyourbehaviorintermsofwhatyouaredoing.Sopushingthevacuumisabout“suckingup
crumbs”—it’swhatisactuallyhappening,sothat’showyouthinkofit.

Bothdescriptionsofvacuumingareaccurate,soit’snotasifonekindofdescriptionisrightandthe

otheriswrong.Buttheyaredifferent,andimportantlyso.Becauseitturnsoutthattheabstractwhyand
concretewhatwaysofthinkingaboutyourbehaviorhavemotivationalprosandcons.Eachmodeof
thinking,underdifferentcircumstances,canleadtogreaterachievement.Thetrickistoadjustyour
thinkingaccordingtoyourcircumstances,andthegoodnewsisthatit’snotatallhardtodo.Youjust
needtolearnwhentothinkwhyandwhentothinkwhat.

Let’sstartwiththeabstract,whykindofthinking.Thinkingmoreabstractlyaboutbehaviorcanbe

veryenergizingbecauseyouarelinkingoneparticular,oftensmallactiontoagreatermeaningor
purpose.Somethingthatmaynotseemimportantorvaluableonitsowncanbecastinawholenew
light.Forexample,whenstayingthatextrahouratworkisthoughtofas“helpingmycareer”rather
than“typingforsixtymoreminutes,”I’mmuchmorelikelytowanttostayputandworkhard.Thewhy
ofwhatyoudoisincrediblymotivating,soit’snotsurprisingthatmanyofusoftenprefertothinkof
ourownactionsinthoseterms.

Andifyouwanttomotivatesomeoneelsetodosomething,describingitinwhytermswillalsohelp

persuadethemtogiveitatry.Ifyouwantyoursontostudyforhischemistrytest,tellinghimthathe
shouldtrytodowellinchemistrybecauseitwillhelphimgetintocollegeisprobablymoreinspiring
thantellinghimheshouldopenuphistextbookandstartmemorizingalltheelementsontheperiodic
table.EitherwayhehastolearnthatHstandsforhydrogen,butdescribingwhatheshoulddoprobably
won’tlightafireunderhim,anddescribingwhyheshoulddoitjustmight.

Soisiteverhelpfultothinkaboutthethingswedoinnitty-gritty,what-am-I-literally-doingways?

Yes.Foronething,itturnsoutthatthinkingthiswayisreallyusefulwhenyouneedtodosomething
thatisdifficult,unfamiliar,complex,orjusttakesalotoftimetolearn.Ifyou’veneveroperateda
vacuumcleanerbefore,you’reactuallybetteroffthinking“suckingupcrumbs”(what)than“keeping
thingsclean”(why).

Forexample,psychologistsDanWegnerandRobinVallacheraskedexperiencedcoffeedrinkersto

drinkacupofcoffeeandthenratehowwelleachofthirtydifferentdescriptionsfitwithwhattheyhad
justdone.(I’llbetyoudidn’tthinkthereevenwerethirtywaystodescribedrinkingacupofcoffee.I
knowIdidn’t.)Theirchoicesincludedrelativelyabstract,why-baseddescriptionslike“promotingmy
caffeinehabit”and“gettingenergized,”alongwithmoreconcrete,literal,what-baseddescriptionslike
“drinkingaliquid”and“swallowing.”

Halfofthepeoplewhoparticipatedinthestudygottodrinkoutofanormal,everydaycoffeemug.

Theotherhalfweregivenamuchmoreunwieldymugweighingnearlyhalfapound.(Someofyouare
probablythinkingthat’snotreallyveryheavy.SoIshouldpointoutthatthiswas1983,andnobodywas
drinkingenormousStarbuckscoffeesoutofcontainersthesizeofanoxygentankbackthen.Ahalf-
poundmugwasareallyheavymugin1983.)Whentheywereaskedtochoosethebestdescriptionsfor
whattheyhadjustdone,thepeoplewhogottodrinkoutofatypicalcoffeemugtendedtopreferthe
whydescriptionsoverthewhatdescriptions.Inotherwords,undernormalconditions,peoplewhoare
usedtodrinkingcoffeepreferredthinkingaboutdrinkingcoffeeintermsofthereasonwhytheywere
drinkingit.

Buttheheavy-mugdrinkersstronglypreferredthemoreconcretewhatdescriptions.Theywere

thinkingaboutthespecificactionstheyweretaking,like“raisingacuptomylips.”Yousee,inorderto
actuallymanagetodrinkoutofacupthatwasmuchheavierthananythingtheynormallyusedwithout
spilling,thesepeopleneededtothinkabouttherealmechanicsofcoffeedrinking.Theyneededto
concentrateonthewhatofwhattheyweredoing(i.e.,graspingthehandlefirmly,raisingthecupsto
theirlips,swallowing),ratherthanthewhy.Byfocusingontheconcretewhat,theywereableto
successfullydrinkfromtheoddandunfamiliarcupwithoutmakingamistake.Iftheyhadthoughtonly
inabstractwhyterms,“gettingenergized”mighthaveeasilybecome“gettingscaldedandwet.”

WegnerandVallacherfoundthesameresultsinastudywherestudentswereaskedtoeatCheerios

eitherwiththeirhandsorwithchopsticks.Thosewhohadtousechopstickspreferredtothinkoftheir
actionsas“puttingfoodinmymouth”and“movingmyhands”(what)ratherthanas“reducinghunger”
or“gettingnutrition”(why).Againandagain,wefindthatwhenactionsaredifficulttoaccomplish,itis
easierandmuchmorehelpfultothinkaboutwhatwearedoinginsimple,concretewhattermsrather
thanlofty,moreabstractwhyones.(Atthispoint,youmaybewonderingifsocialpsychologistsgeta
particularpleasureoutofaskingpeopletodoreallyoddthings,likeeatingCheerioswithchopsticks,or
eatingrawradishes,ornotlaughingatRobinWilliams.Theshortanswerisyes,wedo.Itmakesupfor
allthosehoursspentlearningstatistics.)

Aswegainmoreexperiencedoingsomethinganditbecomeseasierforus,weoftenstarttoseeitina

moreabstractwhyway—moreintermsofitsmeaningorpurpose.Forexample,inonestudy,more
inexperienced,underagedrinkerstendedtodescribedrinkinganalcoholicbeverageas“swallowing”or
“liftingaglass,”whileinpatientsinanalcoholismtreatmentprogrampreferredthinkingofitas
“relievingtension”or“overcomingboredom.”Theoneswhowererelativelynewtodrinkingalcohol
were,presumably,lesspersonallyfamiliarwiththereasonswhyyoudrink.Thealcoholics,ontheother
hand,knewthereasonsalltoowell.

Whenpeoplethinkaboutwhattheyaredoinginwhyterms,theyareguidedbythebigpicture—their

smaller,everydayactionsbecomeapartofsomethinglargerandmoreimportant.Theyaremore
connectedtolong-termgoals.Asaresult,whenpeoplethinkwhyratherthanwhat,theyareless
impulsive,lessvulnerabletotemptation,andmorelikelytoplantheiractionsinadvance.(Okay,maybe
notwhenthewhythinkersinquestionarealcoholics,butyougetmypoint.)Thinkingwhy,theyfeel
morecertainofwhotheyareandwhattheywant.Andtheyaremuchlesslikelytofeelthatforces
outsideofthem(likeotherpeople,luck,orfate)arecontrollingwhathappenstothem.

Whenpeoplethinkaboutwhattheyaredoinginwhatterms,theyarefocusedonthenitty-gritty—the

actualmechanicsofgettingfromPointAtoPointB.Andwhiletheyaresometimeslessmotivated,and
moreindangerofnotseeingtheforestforthetrees,theyareparticularlyadeptatnavigatingarocky
road.Whenwhatyouneedtodoisparticularlydifficulttogetdone,itpaystoforgetaboutthebigger
pictureandfocusonthetaskathand.

So,sinceboththe“bigpicture”whyand“nitty-gritty”whatmodesofthinkinghavetheiradvantages

anddisadvantages,thebeststrategyistoshiftyourthinkingstyletomatchthegoalyouwanttoachieve.
Sometimesthishappensautomatically,butnotalways.It’simportanttomakesureyouareusingthe
optimalstyle,andifnot,toshiftaccordingly.Togetmotivatedandenhanceyourself-control(ortohelp
someoneelsedothesame),thinkwhy.Considerthelargermeaningorpurposebehindwhatyouare
doing.Ifyouwanttosticktoyourdietwhenfacedwiththeallureofthedesserttray,rememberwhyyou
aretryingtoloseweight.Whenyouremployeesaredoingalacklusterjob,remindthemofwhytheir
performancematters—forthecompanyandforthemselves.

Totackleaparticularlycomplicated,difficult,orunfamiliargoal,ontheotherhand,it’sbesttothink

what.Whenfacedwithlearninganewroutine,breakitdownintospecificsteps.Skiingforthefirst

time?Focusonkeepingyourkneesbentandyourskitipstogether.Forgetaboutimpressingeveryone
withyourspeedandgrace—that’sagreatwayforanoviceskiertoendupwrappedaroundatree.

Completetheexercisebelowtoseehowyoucandothiswithgoalsyoualreadyhave.(Aquicknote:

Throughoutthebook,I’llbegivingyouwrittenexercisestohelpyoulearnhowtousenewstrategiesto
improveyourachievement.Whenyou’relearningsomethingnew,writingitdownstepbystepisan
excellentwaytohelpmakeitahabit.Considerkeepinganotebookjustforpracticingtheexercisesin
thisbook.Eventually,withpractice,yourbrainwillembracethenewstrategyandbegintouseit
automatically,soyouwon’tneedtogotothetroubleofwrittenexercises.Butforthetimebeing,taking
thetroubletoactuallywriteitalldownisreallyworthyourwhile.)

HowtoThink“Why”

1.Writedownanactionyou’vehadtroubletakingrecentlybecauseyouhaven’tfeltmotivatedor

you’vegivenintoomuchtotemptation.Itcanbeanythingfromnotorderingdessertto
answeringallyourimportante-mailseachday.

2.Now,writedownwhyyouwanttotakethataction.Whatisthepurposeoftheactionforyou?

Whatgoaldoesithelpyoutoachieve?Howwillyoubenefitfromit?

Thenexttimeyouattemptthisaction,stopandthinkaboutthewhyyoujustidentified.Repeatthis

overandoveragain,untilitbecomesahabit(anditwill—withrepetition,anyrelativelysimpleactwill
becomeautomaticandeffortless.Youjusthavetokeepatit.)

HowtoThink“What”

1.Writedownsomethingyouwanttoaccomplishthatisreallycomplicated,highlydifficult,or

veryunfamiliarornewtoyou.Maybeyouwanttocreateyourownwebsitebutaren’t
experiencedwithcomputers,orperhapsyouarethinkingaboutstartinganewcareer.

2.Now,writedownwhatyourfirststepshouldbe.Whatisthespecificactionthatyouneedtotake

inordertobegintoaccomplishthisgoal?

Thenexttimeyouthinkaboutthisgoal,stopandthinkabouttheverynextspecificactionyouneed

totakeandfocusonthat.Thistoowillquicklybecomeahabit.

NowversusLater

Ifyou’regoingtostriketherightbalancewhenitcomestothinkingwhyversuswhatinpursuitofyour
owngoals,itwillbehelpfultoknowwhenyoumightunconsciouslybebiasedtowardonekindof
thinkingortheother.Thatway,youcancatchyourselffavoringthewhyorwhatandcompensateforit.
Acoupleofpagesago,Itoldyouthatonceataskbecomeseasyorfamiliar,mostofusstartfavoring
whythinking.Anotherpowerfulinfluenceonwhetheryouthinkofanactionoragoalinabstractwhyor
concretewhattermsistime—specifically,howlongitwillbebeforeyouactuallydowhateveritisyou
areplanningtodo.Areyougoingtostartyournewdiettomorrow,ornextmonth?Areyouconsidering

takingavacationnextweek,ornextyear?Recentresearchhasshownthatmostofusarebiasedtothink
aboutmoredistantfutureplansinhigherlevel,moreabstractterms—onesthatemphasizethewhy.Near
futureplans,ontheotherhand,tendtobemoreconcrete—morefocusedonwhatyouwillneedtodoto
getitdone.

PsychologistsYaacovTropeandNiraLibermanmadethisdiscoverywhentheyaskedagroupof

undergraduatestochoosethebestdescriptionsforasetofeverydayactivities.Onegroupwasaskedto
imaginedoingeachactivityinthenearfuture(“tomorrow”),whileanothergroupwasaskedtoimagine
eachactivityinthemoredistantfuture(“nextmonth”).TropeandLibermanfoundthatthestudents
preferredtodescribeanactivitysuchas“movingintoanewapartment”as“packingandcarrying
boxes”(awhatdescription)whenimaginingdoingittomorrow,butpreferredthemoreabstract,why-
based“startinganewlife”whenimaginingthesameactivityamonthfromnow.

Itturnsoutthatthesedifferenceshaveimportantimplicationsforhowwemakechoicesand

decisions.Andtheycanleadusintodifferentsortsoftrouble.Whythinkingleadsyoutopaymore
attentiontowhatpsychologistscalldesirabilityinformation.Inotherwords,whetherornottakingthat
actionorachievingthatgoalwillresultingoodthingsforyou.Howfun,pleasant,orrewardingwillit
be?Whenweconsiderdoingsomethinginthemoredistantfuture,thisisprimarilywhatwe’retryingto
evaluate.Willgoingtomedicalschoolafewyearsfromnowmakemesuccessfulandrich?Will
speakingatthatconferencesixmonthsfromnowbegoodformycareerandenablemetoseeold
friends?Willhavingmyin-lawsovernextChristmasbewonderfulformykids?Iftheanswersare
“yes,”thenyouarelikelytoadoptthatgoal(likegettingintomedicalschool)ortakethataction(like
invitingyourin-lawsfortheholidays).

Moreconcrete,whatthinkingleadsyoutoplacemoreweightonfeasibilityinformation—whetheror

notyoucanactuallydowhateverneedstobedone.Howlikelyareyoutosucceed?Whatobstacles
standinthewayofyoursuccess?Whenweconsiderdoingsomethinginthenearfuture,thisiswhatwe
spendthemosttimethinkingabout.Whatarethechanceslcangetintomedicalschoolnextyeargiven
mygrades?WhowillwatchmykidsifIattendthatconferencenextweek?Wheretheheckareallthose
relativesgoingtosleepwhentheyarrivetomorrow?

Didyoueverwonderwhyyoucommityourselfsooftentosomethinginthefuturethatseemslikea

goodideaatthetimebutbecomesmoreandmoreawfulasthedayapproaches?“WhydidIeveragree
tothis?”welament.“HowdidIthinkIcouldgetintomedschoolwithaCinbiology?”“WhydidI
thinkIhadroominmyhouseforadozenmorepeople?”Andnowthepanicsetsin—becausewhenyou
decidedyourgoalwastobecomeadoctor,whenyoudecidedtofillyourhousewithyourhusband’s
family,youdidn’treallyspendallthatmuchtimethinkingaboutwhetherornotyoucouldmakeit
work.Youwerethinkingwhy,notwhat,andifit’sanyconsolation,it’sasituationmostofusfallin
againandagain.Becausewearebiasedtothinkaboutfutureeventsmoreintermsofwhywewanttodo
themandlessintermsofhowwe’llactuallygetitdone,weadoptgoalsandplanswithpotentiallyrich
rewardsthatarealsologisticalnightmares.

Formorenearevents,wemaketheoppositemistake.Howmanyspur-of-the-momentchancestodo

somethingfun,interesting,orrewardinghaveyouturneddownbecausetheyjustseemedliketoomuch
hassle?IonceturneddownafreetriptoIndiabecauseIthoughtitwouldbetoostressfultotryto
prepareforitadequatelyinjustafewweeks’time(DidIneedvaccinations?CouldIgetmypassport
renewed?Whataboutavisa?Whowouldwatchmydog?).Ididn’tgoeventhoughIknewthatifIhad
reallyexertedmyself,Iprobablycouldhavepulleditoff.ItwasadecisionIcametoregretsomuchthat
eventuallyIdidtakeatriptoIndia,exceptinsteadofbeingfreeitcostmemanythousandsofdollars.
(Somuchforwhatthinking.)Manyofushaveahardtimebeingtrulyspontaneousorseizing

unforeseenopportunitiesinthenearfuture.Wefocustoomuchonthewhat,notenoughonthewhy—
gettingsoboggeddownbythedetailsthatweforgoopportunitiesthatmighthavebeenreallyrewarding
(or,inmycase,significantlycheaper).

LibermanandTropehaveillustratedthewhy-whattrade-offinaseriesofcleverstudies.Inone,Tel

AvivUniversitystudentsweregivenachoiceofcourseassignments.Theyvariedwhetherthe
assignmentwasboringbuteasy(“historyofpsychology”readingsinHebrew,thestudents’native
language)orinterestingbuthard(“romanticlove”readingsinEnglish,whichstudentscouldreadbut
withmuchmoredifficulty).Theresearchersalsovariedwhentheassignmentwouldbedue—the
studentswouldbegivenoneweektoworkonit,anditwouldbedueeitherthefollowingweek(inthe
nearfuture)ornineweekslater(inthemoredistantfuture).Studentswhohadtocompletethe
assignmentthenextweekoverwhelminglypreferredtheeasybutboringoption—theywerewillingto
sacrificeinteresttokeepfromhavingtoworktoohard.Studentswhocouldputofftheassignmentfor
nineweeks,ontheotherhand,chosetheharderbutmoreinterestingreadingshandsdown.Andthough
insomewaysthemorenoble,andcertainlymoredesirable,choice,thereisnodoubtthatsomeofthese
studentsregrettedtheirdecisionwhengrapplingwiththeirEnglish-to-Hebrewdictionariestwomonths
later.Sowhenwethinkaboutwhatwewanttodointhedistantfuture,wesacrificepractical
considerationsforthepotentialforreward.Andwhenwethinkaboutwhatwe’lldointhenearfuture,
wetendtobeallbusiness,nopleasure.Putdifferently,aboutthefuture,wethinklikeexplorers—but
whenitcomestothehereandnow,we’remorelikeaccountants.

Andspeakingofaccounting,thesebiaseshaveevenbeenfoundtoapplytodecisionsinvolving

money.Foranygamble,youneedtoconsidertwothings:thepayoffandtheodds.Thepayoffisthe
desirabilityinformation—it’swhyyouaregambling,therewardyou’ll(potentially)getfromit.The
oddsareaboutfeasibility—it’swhatcouldactuallyhappen,theprobabilitythatthiswillworkoutfor
you.Whenstudentsweregivenachoicebetweenalotterywithahighprobabilityofwinning$4orlow
probabilityofwinning$10,thosewhoweretoplaythatdaystronglypreferredthesurethingwiththe
lowpayoff,whilethosewhoweretoplaytwomonthslaterusuallypickedthelongshotwiththebigger
payoff.Asimilarresultwasfoundinastudyofrafflepreferences—forarafflebeingdrawnthatday,
peoplepreferredtheraffleticketforachancetowinaBritafilterpitcher(anunpopularitem,and
thereforeoneyouhaveagoodchanceofwinning),butwhentherafflewastwomonthsfromnow,most
peoplepreferredthechancetowinanewstereo(theveryvaluableitemwiththemuchlessfavorable
odds).Inanyscenariothatinvolvesrisksandrewards(andreally,whenyouthinkaboutit,thatapplies
tojustaboutanything),it’simportanttoweighbothkindsofinformationasclearlyandobjectivelyas
possible.Knowinghowyourthinkingmaybeaffectedbytime—bywhetheryouaredecidingaboutthe
nearordistantfuture—iscrucialifyouwanttocompensateforyournaturalbiasandmakethebest
possibledecision.

Thedifferencescausedbywhythinkingandwhatthinkinggobeyondjustthechoiceswemake.In

anotherstudy,LibermanandTropeaskedpeopletoplanhowmuchtimetheywouldspendonasetof
work-relatedandleisureactivitieseither“nextweek”or“aweekayearfromnow.”Whentheplans
wereforthemoredistantfuture,anaverageofeighty-twohourswereallotted,comparedwithan
averageofsixty-eighthoursforthenearfuture.Sopeopletendedtothinkthatonaveragetheywould
haveaboutfourteenmorehoursavailableeachweeknextyearthantheydonow.Itgoeswithoutsaying
thatthat’sprobablynotrealistic,thoughitdoesexplainwhysomanyofusfindourselvesstrugglingto
juggleallthegoalsandplanswethoughtwe’dhaveenoughtimefor.

Also,whenplanningfornextweek,theamountoftimestudyparticipantsplannedforworkactivities

wasnegativelyrelatedtothetimespentforleisureactivities—inotherwords,peoplequiterationally

recognizedthattimespentdoingonethingmeanstimenotspentdoinganother.Interestingly,this
wasn’tthecasewhenitcametofutureplanning.Inthedistantfuture,participantsseemedtoconsider
eachactivityinisolation,andhowmuchtimetheywouldliketospendonit,ratherthanrecognizingthe
trade-offstheywouldnecessarilyhavetomake.

Thinkingwhatwhenitcomestoyourgoalsisanexcellentwaytonotonlybemorerealisticabout

yourtime,butalsotopreventprocrastination.Inonestudy,Liberman,Trope,SeanMcCrea,andSteven
Shermanaskedundergraduatestocompleteashortsurveyandreturnittothemviae-mailwithinthree
weeksinordertoearnacashprize.

Beforereceivingthesurvey,eachparticipantcompletedatask

designedtoputthemineitherawhy-thinkingorwhat-thinkingmind-set.Toencouragewhythinking,
thestudentswereaskedtotakealistoftenactivitieslike“openingabankaccount”or“writingina
diary”andcomeupwithreasonswhysomeonemightdothesethings.Tocreateawhatmind-set,
studentsweregiventhesamelistandaskedtodescribehowyouwouldactuallygoaboutdoingeach
activity.Theresearchersthenrecordedhowlongittookforthestudentstoachievetheirgoal(by
completingthesurveyandsendingitback).Remarkably,theoneswhohadbeenencouragedtothink
whatsentintheirsurveysnearlytendaysearlieronaveragethanthosewhothoughtwhy(inanother
versionofthisstudy,thedifferencewasclosertofourteendays).Sothinkingaboutyourgoalwitha
whatmind-setleadsyoutofocusonthespecificactionyouneedtotake,whichhelpsyoutoactmore
quicklyinachievingyourgoal.Focusingtoomuchonwhyyouwanttodosomething,ontheother
hand,mayleadyoutoberathersluggishwhenitcomestoactuallydoingit.

Psychologistsareoftenaskedsomeformofthequestion“IsitbetterifIdoAorB?”Isitbetterto

ventyouremotionsortodistractyourselffromwhat’sbotheringyou?Isitbettertofocusonyour
mistakesortoleavethepastbehind?Moreoftenthannot,theanswerwefindourselvesforcedtogive
is,“Well,itdepends.”Soifyouaskmeifit’sbettertothinkintermsofthebigpictureorthenitty-
gritty,youleavemenochoicebuttosaythatitdepends—inthiscase,itdependsonwhatkindofgoal
youaretryingtoachieve.Big-picture,whythinkingaboutyourgoalismosthelpfulforgettingyou
motivatedandenergized,focusingyouontherewardsyoucangain,andencouragingself-controland
persistence.Nitty-gritty,whatthinkingwillbenefityoumostwhenyourgoalinvolvesdoingsomething
difficultorunfamiliar,focusingyouonthepracticaldetailsofgettingthejobdone,andhelpingyouto
avoidprocrastination.Greaterachievementcomesnotfromchoosingonestyleovertheother,butfrom
decidinghowtothinkaboutyourgoaltobestovercomethespecificchallengesyouarefacing(orhow
totalkaboutagoaltobestmeetsomeoneelse’schallenges).

ThePower(andPeril)ofPositiveThinking

Youareprobablyalreadywellawareoftheimportanceof“thinkingpositive”whenyouaresettinga
goalforyourself,orworkingtoreachthatgoal.Believeinyourself,believeyouwillachieveyourgoals,
andyouwillsucceed.Itwouldbeeasytofillagenerouslysizedbookcasewithalltheself-helpbooks
whosecentralthesisisthisrelativelysimpleidea.Andit’sapopularideaamongresearchpsychologists,
too.

Sotheworldlovesanoptimist,andthegoodnewsisthatoptimismcomesprettynaturallytomostof

us.Instudiesofoptimisticbeliefs,psychologistsroutinelyfindthatmostofusbelievewearemuch
morelikelythanourpeerstohavegoodthingshappentous—tohavesuccessfulcareers,ownourown

homes,makealotofmoney,andlivepastninety.Webelievewearemuchlesslikelythaneveryoneelse
togetdivorced,haveaheartattack,haveadrinkingproblem,orbuyacarthatturnsouttobealemon.
Andbyandlarge,thisisagoodthing.It’s“byandlarge”becausethereareimportantlimits.Youneed
tobecarefulwithpositivethinkingandmakesureit’sdirectedintherightway.

Yousee,thereismorethanonewaytothinkpositivelyaboutthefuture.Pretendforamomentthat

youhavethegoaloflosingweight.Thereareatleasttwowaysinwhichyoucould“thinkpositively”
aboutthisgoal:

1.Youcouldsaytoyourself:“Ihavetheabilitytoloseweight,andIamconfidentIcanreachmy

goal.”Inotherwords,youcouldthinkpositivelyaboutyourchancesforsuccess.

2.Youcouldsaytoyourself:“Iwilleasilybeabletoavoidtemptationslikedoughnutsandpotato

chips,andhavenoproblemsstickingtomynewexerciseregimen.”Inotherwords,youcould
thinkpositivelyabouteasilyovercomingobstaclestosuccess.

Whenmostself-helpbookstalkabouttheimportanceofbeingpositivewhenitcomestoreaching

yourgoals,theylumpbothofthesekindsofpositivethinkingtogether.Theytellyoutobelievethatyou
willwin,andbelievethatyouwillwineasily.Unfortunately,lumpingbothkindsofthinkingtogetheris
aBIGmistake.Becauseoneformofpositivethinkingisagreatthingtodo,andtheotherisatotalno-
noandarecipeforfailure.

Let’sstartwith#1—thinkingpositivelyaboutyourchancesforsuccess.Probablythemostwidely

knownanduniversallyacceptedtheoryinthestudyofmotivationissomethingcalledExpectancyValue
Theory.Itstates,inanutshell,thatpeoplearemotivatedtodoanythingasafunctionof(1)howlikely
theyaretobesuccessful(that’stheexpectancypart)and(2)howmuchtheythinktheywillbenefitfrom
it(that’sthevaluepart).Andofcoursethemoremotivatedyouare,themorelikelyyouaretoreach
yourgoal.Soit’snotjustpop-psychologyfeel-goodnonsense.Believingyouwillsucceedreallydoes
makeyoumorelikelytosucceed.(Thereisanimportantexceptiontothisrule,foraparticularkindof
goalthatI’mgoingtotalkaboutalotinChapter4.Butformostgoalsthisistrue,solet’skeepitsimple
fornow.)

Whiletherearenearlycountlessexamplesinpsychologystudiesonthissubject,oneofmyfavorite

illustrationsofthiseffectisfromarecentstudyofexercisehabits.TaraParker-Pope,aNewYorkTimes
columnistwhowritesabouthealthandwellness,recentlyreportedonresearchintheAnnalsof
BehavioralMedicinethatlookedattheuseofhome-gymequipment.

It’sprettyhardtofindadultswho

haven’t,atsomepointintheirlives,fooledthemselvesintothinkingthatiftheyjusthadthe
convenienceofowningtheirowntreadmillorstationarybike,theywoulduseitallthetime.(Forme,it
wasoneofthosestairsteppermachines.Myhusbandisstillchidingmeaboutthatone.Butuntilhegets
ridofthebarbellsetIkeeptrippingover,Ireallydon’tthinkIshouldhavetolisten.)Sowhodoes
actuallyusetheirhomegym,ratherthanjustletitcollectdust?Itturnsoutthatthepeopleinthestudy
whotrulybelievedtheycoulddoitwerenearlythreetimesaslikelyasthosewhodoubtedthemselvesto
stillbeusingtheirequipmentayearlater.(Inmycase,IreallyhavetoadmitthatevenwhenIboughtit,
IknewdeepdownIprobablywouldn’tstickwithit.Ididn’thonestlybelieveIhadahighlikelihoodof
success.Iactuallyhatestairsteppers.)

Soifit’sagoodthingtobelieveyouwillsucceed,thensurelyitmustbegoodtoimagineyourself

succeedingeasily,andavoidingtemptationsandovercomingobstacleswiththeslightestofeffort(that’s
positivethinkingtype#2).Intuitively,thatmakessense.Butactually,it’sreally,reallywrong.
PsychologistGabrieleOettingenhasextensivelystudiedthemotivationalimpactofbelievingyouwill
succeedversusbelievingyouwilleasilysucceed,andhasfoundtimeandagainthatthesebeliefshave
verydifferenteffectsonachievement.

Forexample,inonestudy,obesewomenwhowantedtolose

weightwereenrolledinacomprehensiveweight-reductionprogram.Atthestartoftheprogram,
Oettingenaskedthewomentotellherabouttheirexpectationsforsuccessfullylosingweight.Andafter
readingeverythingIjustwroteaboutpositiveexpectations,itshouldn’tsurpriseyoutolearnthatthe
womenwhobelievedtheywouldsucceedinlosingweightlostanaverageoftwenty-sixpoundsmore
thanthosewhobelievedtheywouldfail.

ButOettingenalsoaskedthewomenabouttheirfantasieswithrespecttotheweight-lossprocess—

howtheyimagineditwouldhappen.Forinstance,theywereaskedwhetherornottheyimagined
themselveseasilyresistingtemptationsliketheboxofleftoverdoughnutsinthelunchroomatwork.
Womenwhoimaginedthatthepathtoweightlosswouldbeeasylostanaverageoftwenty-fourpounds
lessthanthosewhoimaginedthemselveshavingahardtimeresistingtemptation.Oettingenandher
colleagueshavefoundthesamepatternwhenlookingatstudentsinsearchofhigh-payingjobsafter
college,atsingleindividualslookingtoformlastingromanticrelationships,andatseniorsrecovering
fromhipreplacementsurgery.Nomatterwhotheyareandwhattheyaretryingtodo,wefindthat
successfulpeoplenotonlyhaveconfidencethattheywilleventuallysucceed,butareequallyconfident
thattheywillhaveatoughtimegettingthere.

Whyisbelievingtheroadwillberockysoimportantforachievingyourgoal?Forstarters,despite

beingsounpleasant,negativeemotionslikeanxietyandworryareuseful.Andthat’sprimarilybecause
theycanbeverymotivating.Theycanmotivateustotakeextraeffortortoplanhowwewilldealwith
problemsbeforetheyarise.PsychologistDanGilbert,inhisbookStumblingonHappiness,observed
that“wesometimesimaginedarkfuturesjusttoscareourownpantsoff.”

Andwedothisbecauseit

pays.

Oettingen’sstudiesshowthatpeoplewhobelievegoalpursuitwillbedifficultplanmore,putinmore

effort,andtakemoreactioninpursuitoftheirgoals.Theyexpecttohavetoworkhard,sothat’sexactly
whattheydo.Incontrast,peoplewhobelievedthatgettingagoodjobaftercollegewouldbeeasysent
outfewerapplications.Thosewhoimaginedthemselvesfallingquickly,hopelessly,andmutuallyin
lovewithasecretcrushwerelesslikelytoactuallytalktothatpersonabouttheirfeelings.Studentswho
thoughtthatdoingwellonanupcomingexamwouldbeapieceofcakestudiedforfarfewerhours.
Patientswhoimaginedthemselvesgettingaroundeffortlesslyontheirbrand-newhipdidn’tworkas
hardattheirrehabilitationexercises.Ultimately,peoplewhothinkthatreachingtheirgoalwillbea
breezesimplyaren’tpreparedforwhatliesaheadofthem,andtheycanbedevastatedwhenthedreams
thatthey’veenjoyeddreamingaboutsomuchdon’tactuallycometrue.

Thenwhatisthebestwaytosetgoalssothatyouwillreachthem,withoutgettingstuck

daydreaming?Theoptimalstrategytousewhensettingagoalseemstobetothinkpositivelyabouthow
itwillbewhenyouachieveyourgoal,whilethinkingrealisticallyaboutwhatitwilltaketogetthere.
Oettingenreferstothisasmentalcontrasting—firstyouimagineattainingyourgoal,andthenyou
reflectontheobstaclesthatstandintheway.Ifyouwanttogetahigh-payingjobaftercollege,startby
imaginingyourselfacceptinganofferatatopfirm,andthenthinkaboutwhatstandsbetweenyouand
thatoffer—namely,alltheotherreallyoutstandingcandidatesthatwillbeapplyingforjobs.Kindof
makesyouwanttosendoutalotofapplications,doesn’tit?That’scalledfeelingthenecessitytoact—
it’sapsychologicalstatethatiscrucialforachievingagoal.Daydreamingabouthowgreatitwillbeto
landthatjoborfallinlovewiththatspecialsomeoneyou’vehadyoureyeoncanbealotoffun,butit
won’tgetyouanywhere.Mentalcontrastingturnswishesandday-dreamsintoreality,bybringinginto
focuswhatyouwillneedtodotomakeithappen.

It’sworthpointingoutthatmentalcontrastingonlyhelpsyoucommittoachievingagoalifthegoal

issomethingyoureallybelieveyoucanachieve.(Here,again,weseetheimportanceofbelievingyou

canreachyourgoal.)Ifyoudon’tbelieveyou’llsucceed,mentalcontrastingwillleadyoutodisengage
fromthegoal.Inessence,itwillhelpyoutoabandonanunattainablefantasy.Andthisisactually
anothergreatthingaboutusingthisstrategy.Consideringbothwhatyouwantandwhatstandsinyour
waywillgiveyoutheclaritytomakegooddecisions—whenyourchancesforsuccessarehigh,itwill
increaseyourcommitmenttoyourgoal,makingyoumorelikelytosuccessfullyachieveit.Whenyour
chancesarenotsogood,itwillhelpyoutorecognizethatandmoveon.

Andwhileabandoningyourfantasymaybepainfulanddisappointing,it’salsoaveryimportantand

necessarythingtodoforyourownwell-being.Onlywhenwehavecometorecognizethatagoalwe
havecannotbeattaineddowemakeroominourlivesforsomethingwecanachieve.Forinstance,it’s
onlywhenweadmittoourselvesthatourdysfunctionalandhurtfulrelationshipcan’tbesavedandwe
finallyenditthatweopenourselvesuptothepossibilityofahealthierandhappierrelationshipwith
someoneelse.Givingupyourdreamsofmedicalschoolwhenyourealizetheycan’tcometrueallows
youtostepbackandthinkaboutwhatothercareeryoumightbebestsuitedfor.

Returningtothetopicofgoalsyouthinkyoucanachieve,Oettingenandhercolleagues(inthis

instanceIwasoneofthem)haveshowninnumerousstudiesthatwhenpeoplewhobelievetheycan
succeedareinstructedtousethestrategyofmentalcontrastingwhensettingtheirgoals,theyroutinely
outperformthosewhoareequallyconfidentbutwhosethoughtsareallaboutimaginingthehappy
ending.Instudiesoftwelve-year-oldslearningaforeignlanguage,fifteen-year-oldsdoingtestprepover
asummerbreak,adultstryingtoattractamate,andnursestryingtoimprovecommunicationwith
parents,mentalcontrastingledtogreatereffort,energy,planning,andoverallhigherratesofachieving
goals.

Inastudyoftheeffectivenessofmentalcontrastingwithhospitalhumanresourcepersonnel,the

managerstrainedtousethisstrategyreportedtwoweekslaterthattheyhadimprovedtimemanagement
andfounditeasiertomakedecisions.Theyevenreportedthattheyhadmorecompletedprojects.
Interestingly,theyalsoreportedthattheyhadreassignedmoreprojectstoothermanagerscomparedto
theno-traininggroup.Inotherwords,theywerebetterabletoseewhichprojectstheycouldhandle
successfullyandwhichwouldbebetterhandledbysomeoneelse.Theybehavedmorerationally,more
efficiently,andweremuchhappieratworkbecauseofit.Andthepriceofallthisefficiencyand
happiness?Takingafewmomentstolearnaverysimpletechniquethatcanbeappliedtoeverygoalyou
arepursuing,oraremerelythinkingofpursuing.Here’show:

SettingGoalsthroughMentalContrasting

1.Grabyournotebookorjustapieceofpaper,andwritedownawishorconcernyouhave

currently.Thiscanbesomethingyouarethinkingofdoingorsomethingyouarealready
involvedwithdoing(liketakingavacationtotheCaribbean,ormovingtoLAtobecomea
screenwriter,orlosingtenpounds).

2.Now,thinkaboutwhatahappyendingwouldlooklikeforthiswishorconcern.Writedownone

positiveaspectofthishappyending(forexample,howgreatitwouldbetorelaxonthebeach
withoutcheckingyoure-mail).

3.Next,thinkabouttheobstaclesthatstandinthewaybetweenyouandyourhappyending(for

example,myoverfondnessforcheesetendstostandinthewaybetweenmeandthethinnerme
wholivesinmyweight-losshappyending).

4.Nowlistanotherpositiveaspect.

5.Andanotherobstacle.
6.Andanotherpositiveaspect.
7.Andanotherobstacle.

Now,whatdoyouthinkyourchancesforsuccessare?Shouldyoupursuethisgoal?Bycontrasting

thethingsyouhavetogainwiththeobstaclesstandinginyourway,youshouldnowhaveabettersense
ofhowlikelyyouaretosucceed,andhowcommittedyouaretothatsuccess.

Inthischapter,we’vetalkedabouttheimportanceofsettingspecific,difficultgoalsforincreasing

motivation.We’velookedathowthewaysinwhichwedescribethosegoals,toourselvesortoothers,
caninfluenceourchancesforsuccess.Andwe’velearnedhowtodirectandharnessthebenefitsof
positivethinking(andrealisticthinking)aboutthegoalswe’resetting.Forsomeofyou,ifyoustopped
readingthisbooknow,you’dalreadybemoresuccessfulinreachingyourgoalsthanyouwerewhen
youstarted.

Butdon’tstopreadingnow.Instead,moveontothenextchapter,andwe’lltalkaboutthegoalsyou

arealreadypursuinginyourownlife.Wheredidtheycomefrom?Howdidyouendupchoosingthem
overother,equallyattractivegoals?Theanswersmaysurpriseyou.Andifyouwanttochoosegoals
wisely,inwaysthatwillmakeyouhappierandmoresuccessful,thenyouneedtostartbygettinga
handleonwhatyou’vebeendoingrightandwhatyoumaywanttododifferently.

WhatYouCanDo

I’mgoingtoendeachofthechaptersinthisbookwithashortsummaryofthemainpointsI’vetriedto
getacross.Thatway,youcanseeataglancethestepsyoucantakeinyourownlifetoimproveyour
abilitytoreachyourgoals.I’mgivingyoualottoprocesshere,soIhopethishelps.

•Bespecific.Whenyousetyourselfagoal,trytobeasspecificaspossible.“Losefivepounds”is

abettergoalthan“losesomeweight,”becauseitgivesyouaclearideaofwhatsuccesslooks
like.Knowingexactlywhatyouwanttoachievekeepsyoumotivateduntilyougetthere.Avoid
“doyourbest”goals—theyaretoovaguetobereallymotivating.

•Makeithard.It’salsoimportantwhenyousetgoalstomakethemdifficult,whilestillbeing

realistic.Youwanttochallengeyourselfandsetthebarhigh,becausechallengesreallygetthe
motivationaljuicesflowing,whileavoidinggoalsthataremoreorlessimpossible.Remember
thatifyousetthebartoolow,youmayachieveyourgoalbutareunlikelytosurpassit—most
peopletendtoslackoffoncethey’vereachedtheiroriginaltarget.Nobodysetsoutwiththegoal
oflosingfivepoundsandendsupsomehowlosingtwenty.

•Thinkwhyorwhat.Goalscanbethoughtofinrelativelyabstract,why-am-I-doing-thistermsor

inmoreconcrete,what-am-I-actually-doingterms.Forexample,dealingwiththemessinyour
closetscanbethoughtofas“gettingorganized”(why)or“throwingoutclothesIneverwear”
(what).Thinkaboutyourgoalsinwhytermswhenyouwanttogetenergized,staymotivated,or
avoidtemptations.Thinkaboutyourgoalsinwhattermswhenyouaredealingwithsomething
particularlydifficult,unfamiliar,oranythingthattakesalongtimetolearn.

•Considervalueandfeasibility.Rememberthatwealltendtothinkmoreinwhytermswhen

contemplatingourgoalsinthedistantfuture.Thisleadsustogivemoreweighttowhat’s
desirableorvaluableaboutthegoal(likehowmuchfunatriptoDisneylandwouldbe)andtoo

littleweighttohowfeasibleitis(asin,“HowtheheckamIgoingtoaffordthistripto
Disneyland?”).Inthenearfuture,wenaturallythinkinwhatterms,whichcanleadtotoomuch
emphasisonbeingpracticalandnotenoughemphasisonenjoyingwhatlifehastooffer.The
bestgoalswillusuallybetheonesyou’veadoptedafterweighingbothdesirabilityand
feasibilityinanunbiasedway.

•Thinkpositivebutdon’tunderestimate.Whenyou’resettingagoal,byallmeansengagein

lotsofpositivethinkingabouthowlikelyyouaretoachieveit.Believinginyourabilityto
succeedisenormouslyhelpfulforcreatingandsustainingyourmotivation.Butwhateveryoudo,
don’tunderestimatehowdifficultitwillbetoreachyourgoal.Mostgoalsworthachieving
requiretime,planning,effort,andpersistence.Thinkingthingswillcometoyoueasilyand
effortlesslywillleaveyouillpreparedforthejourneyahead,andasaresultcanbearecipefor
failure.

•Usementalcontrastingtosetyourgoals.Whenyouarethinkingabouttakingonanewgoal,

makesureyouthinkaboutboththewonderfulthingsthatwillhappenifyousucceedandthe
obstaclesthatstandinyourway.Thisprocessofmentalcontrastingwillnotonlyhelpyouto
makeagooddecisionaboutwhetherornottoadoptthegoal,butitwillnaturallyengageyour
motivationalsystemsandmaximizeyourcommitmenttothegoalsthatyoudodecidetoachieve.

CHAPTER2

DoYouKnowWhereYourGoalsComeFrom?

NOTALLGOALSARECREATEDEQUAL.ANDEVENTWOPEOPLEWHOseemtobeworking
towardthesamegoal,likehavingasuccessfulcareer,oftenhaveverydifferentgoalsinmind.That’s
becausesuccessatworkcanbeaboutmanythings,dependingontheperson—itcanbeaboutgaining
security,orvalidation,orglory,orperhapsevenpersonalgrowth,justtonameafewofthepossibilities.
Somekindsofgoalsseemtoleadtolastingimprovementsinhappinessandwell-being,whileforothers
thechangesarefleeting,iftheyhappenatall.Whenyouarecopingwithgreatdifficultyorsomething
reallychallenging,therearegoalsthatwillnaturallyleadtohardworkandpersistence,andothersthat
areoftenarecipeforhelplessnessanddepression.

Achievingisn’tjustaboutknowinghowtoreachyourgoals—it’satleastasmuchaboutpursuingthe

kindsofgoalsthatwillhelpyoutodevelopyourfullpotentialandactuallyenjoytheprocessofgetting
there.ButbeforeItellyouinthecomingchaptersabouthowandwhygoalsdiffer,whichoneswill
workbestforyou,andhowyoucanchangeyourgoals(orchangeotherpeople’sgoals),it’shelpfulto
startbyunderstandingwherethegoalsyoualreadyhavecamefrom.Knowingwhyyou’vemadethe
choicesyou’vemadeinthepastmakesyoubetterabletoreevaluatethemhonestlyandobjectively,and
freesyoutomakedifferentchoicesfromnowon.

Itwon’tsurpriseyoutolearnthatyourbeliefsareimportantinfluencesonthegoalsyouadopt.For

instance,youwouldprobablyonlycommittothegoalofimprovingyourmathskillsifyoubelievethat
mathskillscanbeimprovedinthefirstplace—otherwiseitjustwouldn’tmakesensetotry.Ourbeliefs
determinewhetherweseeagoalaswithinourreachorasawasteoftimeandenergy.SoI’llbe
focusingonafewofthecommonbeliefspeopleholdthathavealotofinfluenceonourgoals.You’ll
seehowthesebeliefsmayhaveshapedyourownchoicesinthepast.Andyou’llfindoutthatsomeof
thosebeliefs—onesyouyourselfmayhold—are,toputitbluntly,justplainwrong.

Itprobablywillsurpriseyoutolearnthattheothermajorinfluenceonthegoalsyouadoptisyour

environment,andthatitsinfluenceisalmostalwaysunconscious.Inotherwords,throughoutyourday
youareactivelypursuinggoalsyoumaynotevenknowyouhave—goalsthathavebeentriggeredby
signalsandcuesaroundyou,includingtheactionsofotherpeople.Byunderstandinghowthesesignals
andcuesaffectyou,youcanlearntorecognizeandcontroltheirinfluence.Andjustasimportant,you
canlearntousethosesignalsandcuestoshapethegoalsofyouremployees,students,andchildren.

HowBelievingShapesAchieving

BeliefsaboutIntelligence

Yourbeliefsaboutyourstrengthsandyourweaknessesplayalargeroleindeterminingthegoalsyouset
foryourself.IfIbelievethatI’mgoodatmathandscience,thensettingmyselfthegoalofbecomingan
engineermakessenseforme.IfIbelievethatIamuncoordinatedandslow,thentryingtomakethe
varsitybasketballteamprobablydoesn’tmakesomuchsense.Ourbeliefsaboutourabilitiesinfluence
whatwethinkispossible—andwhatwemightrealisticallybeabletoachieve.

Interestingly,it’snotjustwhetherornotyouthinkyouhaveabilitythatmatters.Infact,whatseems

tobemostimportantiswhetherornotyouthinkyoucangetability.Inotherwords,doyouthinkthat
intelligence(orpersonality,orathleticprowess)issomethingthatisfixed,orsomethingthatis
malleable?Isapersonstuckatacertainlevelofsmartness,orcantheygetsmarter?Psychologistscall
thesebeliefsimplicittheories—theyarepersonalbeliefsaboutthekindofthingintelligenceis(or
personality,ormorality,oranyotherkindofcharacteristicorquality.)Theyarecalledimplicitbecause
theyaren’tnecessarilysomethingyou’vethoughtconsciouslyordeliberatelyabout.Butdespitethefact
thatwemaynotevenrealizethatweholdthem,thesetheoriesarepowerfulshapersofthechoiceswe
makeforourselveseveryday.

Let’sstartwithimplicittheoriesofintelligence.Takeamomenttocompletethefollowingexercisein

yournotebook.

WhatIsIntelligence,Anyway?

Takeamomenttoanswerthequestionsbelow.Trytobecompletelyhonest.(Iknowtheyarealittle

repetitive,butbearwithme.)

1.Youhaveacertainamountofintelligence,andyoureallycan’tdomuchtochangeit.

2.Yourintelligenceissomethingaboutyouthatyoucan’tchangeverymuch.

3.Tobehonest,youcan’treallychangehowintelligentyouare.

Now,addupyourscore.

Whatmakessomeonesmart?Ifyoubelievethatsmartnessissomethingyouaremoreorlessborn

with,somethingthatislargelygenetic,orsomethingthatdevelopsinchildhoodbutthenisprettymuch
constantthroughadulthood,thenyouareanentitytheoristwhenitcomestoyourintelligence.(Andif

youscored10orhigher,thenthisisthetheoryforyou.)The“entity”theoryofintelligenceis,ina
nutshell,thebeliefthatapersonhasacertainamountofintelligenceandthatthereisn’tanything
anyonecandoaboutit(inotherwords,intelligenceisanunchangingentity).Youareeithersmartor
you’renot.

Ontheotherhand,ifyoubelievethatsmartnessisaqualitythatisdevelopedovertimethrough

experienceandlearning,andthatpeoplecangetmoreofitiftheyapplythemselves,thenyouarean
incrementaltheorist.(Andifyouscored9orlower,thisisthetheoryyoubelievein.)The“incremental”
theoryofintelligenceisthebeliefthatsmartnessisamalleablequality—peoplecangetsmarteratany
pointintheirlives.

Implicittheoriescansometimesbemorespecific,too—focusingonasingletraitorattribute.For

example,mostAmericansbelievethatmathematicalaptitudeismoreofafixedentity—thatyou’re
eithergoodatmathoryou’renot.Butwhenitcomestooverallintelligence,itseemstobesplitdown
themiddle,withjustabouteverybodyfallingintoeithertheentityorincrementalcamp.Andlikemost
people,youmaynothaveeverthoughtaboutwhichcampyou’reinuntilyouansweredthosequestions
above.Butwhichevertheorysoundsrighttoyou,evenifyouneverstoppedtoconsciouslythinkabout
itbefore,ithasalmostcertainlyshapedyourlifeandthegoalsyouhavechosenforyourselfin
profoundlyimportantways.

Muchoftheworkthathasbeendonetoidentifyandunderstandimplicittheoriescomesfromthe

laboratoryofStanfordpsychologistCarolDweck.InherbookMindset,sheelaboratesonthemany
waysinwhichourbeliefsaboutourownabilitytogrowanddevelop(orinabilitytodoso)shapeevery
aspectofourlives.Acrossdozensofstudies,Dweckandherstudentshaveshownthatpeoplewho
believetheirpersonaltraits,likesmartness,arefixedbecomeoverlyconcernedwithreceiving
validation.Theywant,wheneverpossible,toreceiveconfirmationthattheyaresmart(or,atthevery
least,thattheyarenotstupid).

Theywanttofeelsmart.Theywanttolooksmart.Andifyouthink

aboutit,thismakesagooddealofsense.

IfIonlyhaveafixedamountofsmartness,thenit’sreallyimportantformetohavealotofit,sinceI

can’tactuallygetanymore.Andrememberthatbeingsmartisn’tjustamatterofprideorflatteringyour
ego—youwanttohavehighabilitysothatyoucanbeasuccessfulpersonandgetthethingsinlifeyou
want.Soifyouareanentitytheoristwhenitcomestointelligence,yourprimarygoalbecomesproving
toyourselfandtoeveryoneelsethatyouarequitesmart,everychanceyouget.

Notsurprisingly,entitytheoristsmakechoicesandsetgoalsdesignedspecificallytovalidatetheir

intelligence.Asarule,theyavoidgoalsthataretoochallenging,preferringthesaferbets.AboutthisI
canspeakfrompersonalexperience,sinceIwas,untilgraduateschool,verymuchadie-hardentity
theorist.Likealotofpeople,Ithoughtthatapersonwassmartwhenitcametoparticularsubjects
becausehergenesmadeherthatway.Also,likeamajorityofAmericans,Ibelievedinsomethingthat
psychologistscalltheinverseeffortrule—ifyouhavetoworkhardatsomething,youaren’tgoodatit.
Effortcompensatesforalackofability.Sowheneverpossible,Ichosesubjectsthatcameeasilytome
—onesthatmademelookandfeelsmart.

WhenIwastwelve,Ibeggedmyparentstobuyapiano,andItookaboutayearofpianolessons.

ThenIrealizedthatIwouldhavetoworkreally,reallyhardtobecomeevenahalfwaydecentpianist,
andIquit.It’sadecisionthatIhavealwaysregretted.Yousee,becauseIquit,Irobbedmyselfofallthe
enjoymentandsatisfactionIcouldhavegottenfromplayingthepiano,evenifIneverplayed
particularlywell.Entitytheoristsshortchangethemselvesinthiswayallthetimebyconcentratingtoo
muchonprovingthemselvesattheexpenseofexperiencesthatcouldpotentiallyenrichtheirlives.

Incrementaltheoriststendnottomakethatmistake.Whenyoubelievethatyourability—anyability

—canbegrownanddevelopedovertime,youfocusnotsomuchonprovingyouaresmart,buton
cultivatingyoursmartness.Challengesaren’tthreatening—theyareopportunitiestoacquirenewskills.
Mistakesdon’tmeanyouarestupid—theyarefullofinformationthatcanhelpyoutolearn.Ioften
marvelatthenumberofskillsmymotherhasacquiredinheradultlife—thingsthatshehadlittle
experiencewithgrowingupandnoformaltrainingin.Mymotherhastaughtherselftodrawcharcoal
sketches,quiltelaborateandintricatepatterns,designandcreateherownclothing,andispracticallya
mastergardener.Sherefinishesfurniture.Shebuiltarockwallaroundherproperty,withrocksshedug
outofthatproperty,byherself.AndwhenIwasgrowingup,Idon’trememberherdoinganyofthese
things.It’snotasifshenevermakesmistakes.Shedoes—particularlywhenshe’slearningsomething
totallynew.Herearlyquiltswereoverlyambitiousandthestitchingwasn’tperfect.Someofherplants
didn’tthrive.Sometimes,partoftherockwallwouldfalldown.Buteventhoughshefoundthese
experiencesfrustrating,shelearnedfromthem,andsheneverdoubtedthatshewould“getthehangofit
eventually.”Andthat’sbecausewhenitcomestodrawing,sewing,gardening,painting,andbuilding
rockwalls,mymomisanincrementaltheorist.

Lookingforevidencethatimplicittheoriesdoindeedshapeourchoices,Dweckaskedjuniorhigh

andcollegestudentstodescribethegoalstheypursuedintheclassroom.Thosewhobelievedtheir
intelligencewasfixedagreedwithstatementslike“AlthoughIhatetoadmitit,Iwouldratherdowellin
aclassthanlearnalot”and“IfIknewIwasn’tgoingtodowellatatask,Iprobablywouldn’tdoiteven
ifImightlearnalotfromit.”Thosestudentswhobelievedtheirintelligencecouldbeincreased
preferredstatementslike“It’smuchmoreimportantformetolearnthingsinmyclassesthanitistoget
thebestgrades.”

Inanotherstudyofcollegestudents,thistimeattheUniversityofHongKong,Dweckandher

colleaguesshowedhowthesebeliefscaninfluenceimportantreal-lifedecisions.AttheUniversityof
HongKong,allclassesareconductedentirelyinEnglish,despitethefactthatsomeofthestudentsare
notyetproficientinEnglishwhentheyarriveoncampus.SoDweckaskedthosestudentswhose
EnglishcouldusesomeimprovementiftheywouldbeinterestedinenrollinginaremedialEnglish
proficiencycourse.Onlythestudentswhobelievedthattheycouldgetsmarter(theincremental
theorists)showedanyinterestinthecourse—73percentofthesestudentswerewillingtoenroll.Those
whobelievedtheirsmartnesswasfixed(theentitytheorists)wantednothingtodowithit—only13
percentofthesestudentsexpressedawillingnesstotakethecourse.Mostofthemdidnotthinka
remedialcoursecouldactuallyhelpthemimprove.Andjustasimportant,theybelievedthattakinga
remedialcoursewouldpubliclyexposetheirlackofability.

CanaLeopardChangeItsSpots?

Implicittheoriesaren’tjustaboutintelligence—theycanbeaboutpracticallyanything.Youcanbelieve
thatyourpersonalityisfixed—thatyouarewhoyouareandyoucan’tteachanolddognewtricks.Or
youcanbelieveitismalleable—thatyoucanchangeandimproveyourpersonalityandturnoveranew
leaf.Andevenyoungchildrenareguidedbythesebeliefs,particularlywhenitcomestopersonalityand
character.Forinstance,Dweckandhercolleaguesstudiedalargegroupoften-totwelve-year-oldboys
andgirlsandaskedthemabouttheirfriendshipgoals.Thosechildrenwhobelievedthattheirown
personalityandcharactercouldn’tbechangedweremorefocusedthantheirpeersonbeingpopularand

avoidingrejection.OnValentine’sDay,thesechildrenwouldmakevalentinesforthemostpopular
children,hopingtowintheirfavor.Thosemorefocusedonavoidingrejectionwouldmakevalentines
onlyforthechildrenwhotheyknewwouldgiveoneinreturn.Ontheotherhand,thechildrenwho
believedtheycouldimproveandgrowasapersontendedtochoosegoalsthatweremoreabout
developingrelationships.Theirvalentineswenttochildrentheysaidtheywouldliketoknowbetter,
openingthedoortofriendship.

Wefindthesamepatternsoutsidetheclassroomaswell—evenwhenitcomestochoosingamate.

Peoplewhobelievethattheirpersonalitiesareprettymuchfixedtellusthattheyarelookingforamate
whowillseethemas“perfect”andmakethemfeelgoodaboutthemselves.Theychoosepartnerswho
theythinkwillfeel“luckytobewithme.”Andtheyarequicktoexitarelationshipthatbecomestoo
argumentativeorcritical.Thosewhobelievetheirpersonalitiescanchangeseemtopreferpartnerswho
willchallengethemtodevelopandgrow,andaremorelikelytoseea“roughpatch”intherelationship
asanopportunitytolearnabouttheirpartnerandthemselves.

PsychologistJenniferBeerhasshownthatshypeopleevenhavedifferenttheoriesabouttheirown

shyness—theoriesthatinfluencehowtheyinteractwiththeirsocialworld.

Inonestudy,Beeroffered

shyindividualsachoicebetweentwoencountersinvolvinganotherperson,whichshetoldthemwould
bevideotaped.Onewasasituationinwhichtheywouldbepairedwithaverysocialandcharming
person,fromwhomtheycouldlearnsomevaluablesocialskills.Thedownsideofthischoice,theywere
told,wasthefactthattheywouldprobablyappearawkwardonthevideocomparedtotheexpert
charmer.Theyalsohadtheoptionofchoosingtotalktosomeoneevenmoreshy,withevenworsesocial
skills.Theywouldn’tlearnanythingfromthisexperience,butatleasttheywouldlookgoodonthe
videobycomparison.

Thosepeoplewhobelievedthat“IcanchangeaspectsofmyshynessifIwantto”(theoneswho

thoughtshynesswasmalleable)stronglypreferredtheopportunitytolearn,evenifitmadethemlook
foolish.Thosewhofeltthattheir“shynessissomethingaboutmethatIcan’tchangeverymuch”(the
oneswhobelieveditwasfixed),ontheotherhand,muchpreferredthechancetolookgoodby
comparison.Whenwebelievethatthereissomethingaboutourselveswecannotchange,wepursue
goalsthatfocusexclusivelyonpresentingourselvestoothersinthebestpossiblelight.Ironically,these
aregoalsthatoftenactivelypreventchange—goalsthatmakeitimpossibleforustolearnandgrow.

HowWeGetUnstuck

Howoftenhaveyoufoundyourselfavoidingchallengesandplayingitsafe,stickingtogoalsyouknew
wouldbeeasytoreach?Aretherethingsyoudecidedlongagothatyoucouldneverbegoodat?Skills
youbelievedyouwouldneverpossess?Ifthelistisalongone,youareundoubtedlyanentitytheorist—
andyourbeliefthatyouare“stuck”beingexactlyasyouarehasdonemoretodeterminethecourseof
yourlifethanyouprobablyeverimagined.Whichwouldbefine,iftheentitytheoryweretrue.Onlyit
isn’t—it’sdeadwrong.

Let’sfocusontheexampleofintelligence(thoughyoucanmakethesameargumentsabout

personalitycharacteristicsaswell).I’mnottryingtosuggestthatourgenesdon’tplayarolein
determininghowsmartweare.Andyes,smartparentsoftenhavesmartkids.Butaspsychologist
RichardNisbettpointsoutinhisexcellentbookIntelligenceandHowtoGetIt,smartparentsgivetheir

childrenalotmorethanjustabunchofchromosomes.Theycreatehomeenvironmentsthatarericherin
learningopportunities.Theytalkmoretotheirchildren.Often,theymakemoremoneyandsoarebetter
abletoprovideeducationalopportunitiesandsendtheirchildrentobetterschooldistricts.Smartparents
seemtogivetheirchildrenmany,manymorechancestodeveloptheirintelligence.

Andifyoudon’tbelieveme,justlookatwhathappenswhenlessprivilegedchildren,from

educationallyimpoverishedbackgrounds,aregiventhesamekindsofchances.Theygetsmarter.To
takejustoneexample,lookattheextraordinarysuccessoftheKIPP(KnowledgeIsPowerProgram)
charterschools.LikemostKIPPschools,theKIPPacademyintheSouthBronxservesprimarilypoor,
minoritystudents,manyofwhomreceivelittleguidance,support,oreducationalencouragementinthe
home.KIPPprovidesaricheducationalenvironmentaswellasexplicitinstructionintheimportanceof
disciplineandhardwork.Thesestudentsgotoschoolfrom7:30a.m.to5:00p.m.,withadditionaltime
onSaturdaysandoverthesummer.Teachersvisitstudents’homes,insistonrespectfulandcourteous
behavioratalltimes,andmakethemselvesavailableviaphoneatanytimeofthedayornight.Students
putextratimeintolearning,andteachersprovidethecareandsupportthatistragicallysooftenmissing
inthehomesofpoorerchildren.

Andwhatdoesallthisextratimeandcareandsupportaccomplish?Agreatdeal.Morethan80

percentofKIPPstudentsperformatorabovetheirgradelevelinbothmathematicsandreading—about
twiceasmanyasatypicalNewYorkCityschool.AccordingtoKIPP,theirgraduatingeighth-graders
outperform74percentofstudentsnationwideonreadingandmathtests—aremarkablefeatconsidering
thefactthataKIPPstudentusuallystartsoutperformingataroundthe28percentlevel.Giventhe
opportunity,thereisnodoubtthatKIPPstudentsareinfactgettingsmarter.

CarolDweckprovidesyetanotherexampleofhowstudentscangetsmarterintherightenvironment

—inthiscase,anenvironmentinwhichtheyareexplicitlytaughttheincrementaltheoryofintelligence.
Shedividedseventh-gradestudentsatseveralNewYorkpublicschoolsintotwogroups:acontrolgroup
andayou-can-get-smartertheoryinterventiongroup.Studentsmetforhalfanhouraweek,foreight
weeks,withamemberoftheresearchteam.Theresearcherspentthosesessionsteachingthechildren
aboutthephysiologyofthebrainandhowitlearnsandgrows,throughscience-basedreadings,
activities,anddiscussions.Theresearcheralsoemphasizedhowintelligenceismalleableandcanbe
developedthroughexperienceandhardwork.Forcomparison,thecontrolgroupofstudentsspentthe
sameamountoftimelearningaboutotheraspectsofthebrain,likehowmemoryworks.Buttheir
lessonsdidnotinvolveanydiscussionofthenatureofintelligence.Andwhilethecontrolgroup’smath
scoresworsenedoverthecourseoftheseventhgrade(anunfortunatelycommonfindingamong
studentstransitioningfromgradeschooltojuniorhigh),studentsintheinterventiongroupshowed
improvementinmathscoresafterreceivingthespecialtheory-basedtraining.Thissuggeststhatthekey
togettingsmarterisfirstcomingtobelievethatitispossibletogetsmarter—ourbeliefscanopen(or
close)thatdoor.

Nisbettwritesthat“thedegreeofheritabilityofIQplacesnoconstraintonthedegreeofmodifiability

thatispossible.”

Inotherwords,evenifyourgenesareplayingaroleindetermininghowmuch

intelligenceyoustartwith(orwhatkindofpersonalityyoustartwith),thatdoesn’tnecessarilymean
thattheypredictwhatyouendupwith.Instudyafterstudy,wefindthatpeoplewhoaregiven
opportunitiestodeveloptheirskillsandknowledge,andwhoaremotivatedtodoso,doindeedget
smarter.Nomatterhowyoumeasureit,whetherwithIQscores,standardizedtests,orGPAs,it’sclear
thatintelligenceisprofoundlymalleable—experiencemattersalot.Andifyou’vebelievedupuntilnow
thatyoucouldn’tgetsmarter—thatyoujustweren’tgoodatmath,orwriting,orcomputers,ormusic,or
socializing—thenmaybeit’stimetotossoutyourentitytheory.It’sbeendoingyouwrong.

You,onAutopilot

Whenmostofusthinkaboutsettinggoals,wetendtothinkofitasaveryconscious,deliberateaffair.

Weweightheprosandcons,weassessourchancesofsuccess,andifwedecidetoadoptthegoal,we
commitourselvesfullytoit.It’sallveryintentional—nothingaccidentalorthoughtlessaboutit.And
it’scertainlytruethatsomeofthegoalswepursueareverymuchtheproductofpurposeful,conscious
intention.Butnotallofthem.Ifthetruthbetold,notevenmostofthem.Becausethevastmajorityof
goalsyouarepursuing,everydayofyourlife,operateentirelywithoutyourawareness.

Ascreepyasthatsounds,therearegoodreasonswhyhumanbeingsworkthisway.Foronething,the

consciousmind—thepartofyourmindthathandlesthestuffyouareawareofatanymoment—is
surprisinglylimited.Itcanhandleonlysomuchatoncebeforeitgetsconfusedandstartsdropping
things.Theunconsciousmindisanothermatter.Itsprocessingpowerisenormous.Metaphorically
speaking,ifyourunconsciousmindcanholdinformationequivalenttoaNASAsupercomputer,your
consciousmindcanholdroughlythecontentsofaPost-itnote.

Consequently,weworkbestwhenasmuchofwhatwearedoingcanbedelegatedtotheunconscious

mindaspossible.Andtypically,themorewedosomething,themoreautomaticitbecomes—themoreit
iscontrolledbyourunconsciousthought.Mostadultshavehadtheexperienceofdrivingfromworkto
homeattheendofalongdayandsuddenlyrealizingtheyhavenomemoryofhowtheygotthere.The
entirewayhome,yourconsciousmindispreoccupiedbysomethingelse...andthen,presto,you’re
homeagain.Fortunatelyforyou,yourunconsciousmindisaprettydecentdriver.Itevenstopsatred
lights.Andeventhoughyouweren’tconsciouslythinkingtoyourself“Iwanttogohome,”your
unconsciousmindknewthatwasyourgoal,soittookyouthere.

Buthowdiditknowyouwantedtogohomeifyouweren’tactuallythinking“Iwanttogohome”?

Theansweristhatthegoalistriggeredinyourmindbycuesinyourenvironment.Thesettingsun,
finishingworkfortheday,sittinginyourcar—allthesecuestellyourunconsciousmindthatit’stimeto
gohome.Cuesthatgetpairedwithaparticulargoalagainandagaincancometoactivatethatgoal
withoutyouevenrealizingit,untilit’salloverandyou’resittinginyourdriveway—sometimes,without
youeverrealizingyouwerepursuingthatgoalatall.

TheWonderfulThingaboutTriggers

Whataspectsofyourenvironmentcantriggertheunconsciouspursuitofagoal?Weareonlybeginning
toidentifyandunderstandallthepotentialsources,butagoodshortanswerwouldbethatjustabout
anythingcantriggergoalpursuit.

Forexample,wordsorimagesthatarerelatedtothegoalcandoit.Inonestudy,psychologistsJohn

BarghandPeterGollwitzerobservedpeopleplayingwhat’sknownasa“resource-dilemma”game.

thiscase,theywerefishingfromacomputerizedversionofthevillagefishingpond.Eachplayer
wantedtocatchasmanyfishaspossibleinordertomaximizetheirownprofitandwinthegame.But,
justlikeinreallife,youcantakeonlysomanyfishwithoutoverdepletingthepond,atwhichpointyou
andeveryoneelseinthevillagegohungry.Sosomecooperationisnecessary,andeverytimeaplayer
catchesafishtheyhavethechoicebetweenkeepingthefish(togetthehighestpossiblepersonalprofit)
orthrowingitback(tobenefitthecommunity,andyourownlonger-terminterests).

Beforebeginningthegame,BarghandGollwitzeraskedsomeoftheparticipantstoconstruct

sentencesoutofajumbleofwordsthatincludedhelpful,support,cooperative,fair,andshare.
Remarkably,simplyreadingthesewordsseemedtounconsciouslytriggerthegoaltocooperate.Those
participantsreturned25percentmorefishthanthepeoplewhohadn’tbeenexposedtothecooperation-
triggeringwords.Infact,theyreturnedthesamenumberoffishasthepeoplewhoweregiventhe
explicit,consciousgoalofbeingcooperative!Andthat’sworthtakingamomenttothinkabout—a
consciously,intentionallychosengoalcangiveyouthesameresultsasacompletelyunconsciously
triggeredgoal.Thisisarelativelynewdiscoveryinthescienceofmotivation,butit’sonewe’reseeing
againandagain.Havingthegoaliswhatmatters—howitgotthereappearstobemuchlessimportant.

Inanotherstudy,BarghandGollwitzeraskedstudentstoworkonaScrabble-likepuzzle,making

wordsoutoflettersrandomlyplacedtogether.Eachstudentworkedonthepuzzlealoneinaroomwith
anintercom(and,unbeknownsttothem,avideocamera).Aftertwominutesavoicecameoverthe
intercom,commandingthestudenttostopworkingonthepuzzle.Butbeforebeginningthepuzzle,half
ofthestudentshadbeenaskedtoworkonanotherpuzzle—thisoneawordsearch,containingwords
relatedtothegoalofachievement,suchaswin,succeed,strive,master,and,ofcourse,achieve.Bargh
andGollwitzerfoundthat57percentofthestudentswhohadanachievementgoalunconsciously
triggeredcontinuedworkingontheirScrabblepuzzleevenafterthevoicehadtoldthemquiteclearlyto
stop(comparedtoonly22percentamongstudentswhohadn’tbeentriggered).

Maybenowthose“motivational”postersyouseeplasteredeverywherewithpicturesofmountains

andriversandwordslike“TEAM-WORK”and“DETERMINATION”inbig,boldlettersarestartingto
seemalittlelesssilly,right?Mostpeoplelookatthoseandthink,“Yeah,right...likeI’mgoingtobe
moremotivatedbecauseI’mforcedtostareataposterthatsays‘SUCCEED’allday.Whocaresabouta
stupidposter?”Well,itturnsoutyourunconsciousminddoes.Andit’salreadygonetowork.

Butyoudon’tnecessarilyneedtoreadgoalwordstounconsciouslytriggergoals.Otherstudieshave

shownthatthemerepresenceofmeansthatcouldbeusedtoachievethegoalcantriggerit.Walking
pastthegymcantriggerthegoalofwantingtoworkout.Aplateoffruitsandvegetablescantriggerthe
goalofeatinghealthy.(Strategicallywalkingmyhusbandpastthejewelrystorejustbeforeabirthdayor
anniversaryhaspaidoffformeonmorethanoneoccasion.)

Evenotherpeoplecantriggergoals—especiallypeopleyouarecloseto,whoyouknowwantyouto

pursueaparticulargoal.PsychologistJamesShahinterviewedcollegestudentstodeterminehowmuch
eachstudent’sfathervaluedhighachievement.

Hefoundthatwhenthestudentsweresubliminally

(unconsciously)exposedtotheirownfather’snamebeforecompletingasetofdifficultproblems,those
studentswhoassociatedDadwiththegoalofhighachievementworkedharderandperformedbetter.
Also,theclosertherelationshipwithDad,thestrongertheeffects.

Butwhenitwasover,theyhadnoideathattheyhadbeentryingparticularlyhard.Thegoalof

achievingwastriggeredbyunconsciousthoughtsoftheirfathersandwaspursuedcompletelywithout
awareness.Interestingly,unconsciouslythinkingaboutalovedonewhodoesnotapproveofagoalcan
alsoinhibititspursuit—youarelesslikelytowanttogetdrunkorleaveallthedishesinthesinkifyour
unconsciousmindisenvisioningyourmother’swaggingfingerordisappointedsigh.Undercertain
circumstances,though,thiscanbackfire—recentresearchhasshownthatamongmore“rebellious”
individuals,unconsciouslytriggeredthoughtsofanachievement-lovingdadcanleadtolesseffortand
worseperformance.Evidently,whenitcomestorebels,eventheirunconsciousmindsdon’tlikebeing
toldwhattodo.

Remarkably,thegoalsofpeopleyoudon’tevenknowcanbegoaltriggers.Psychologistsrefertothis

asgoalcontagion—becauseatanunconsciouslevel,goalsdoappeartobequitecontagious.

Just

seeingsomeoneelsepursueaparticulargoalmakesyoumorelikelytostartpursuingityourself.Inone
ofthefirststudiesofgoalcontagion,forexample,agroupofDutchmenandwomenreadashortstory
aboutJohan,acollegestudentwhowasplanningavacationwithfriends.Inoneversionofthestory,
Johanwasgoingtoafarminhisvillagetoworkforamonthbeforetakingthetrip.Thoughnot
explicitlystated,thisinformationimpliedthatJohanhadthegoalofearningmoneyinordertogoonhis
trip.Intheotherversion,Johanwasgoingtospendthemonthvolunteeringatacommunitycenter.After
readingoneofthetwoJohanstories,everyonehadtheopportunitytoearnmoneybycompletinga
computertaskasquicklyaspossible—thefastertheirperformance,themoremoneytheycouldearn.
ThosewhohadreadabouttheJohanwhohadthegoalofearningmoneywere10percentfasterthan
thosewhoreadaboutJohanthevolunteer!Andonceagain,thefasterparticipantswerecompletely
unawarethatanythingaboutJohanhadinfluencedtheirownbehavior.ButJohan’smoneymakinggoal
hadbecomecontagious,andthepeopleexposedtoitworkedhardertoearnmoneywithoutever
realizingwhy.

Inanotherstudy,agroupofmaleparticipantsreadthestoryofBas,whowasmeetinghisformer

collegefriendNatashainthelocalpub.Theyspendthenightcatchingup,drinking,anddancing.Inone
versionofthestory,BasandNatashapartwaysattheendoftheevening.Inanother,BaswalksNatasha
homeand,uponarrival,asks,“MayIcomein?”Thegoalofseekingcasualsexisimplied(quite
strongly)butneveractuallystated.Afterreadingabouteitherthesex-seekingBasortheheading-home-
aloneBas,eachofthemaleparticipantsinthestudyfoundthemselvesinapositiontoofferhelptoan
attractivefemaleundergraduatenamedEllen.Youprobablywon’tbesurprisedtolearnthatthemen
whohadreadaboutsex-seekingBasspentsignificantlymoretimeandenergyhelpingthebeautifuland
vulnerableEllen.

So,atthispoint,youmaybegettingworried.DoesthismeanthatanytimeIseesomeonewitha

particulargoal,I’mgoingtoadoptit?No—therearelimitsonhow“contagious”agoalwillbeforyou.
Forexample,Johan’smoneymakinggoalturnedouttoonlybecontagiousformenandwomenwho
themselveswereshortoncash—theparticipantswhofeltthattheyhadplentyofmoneydidnotshow
anyeffectatall.Agoalmustseemdesirablebeforeyourunconsciousmindwilladoptit.

Okay,butwhatifthegoalissomethingIshouldn’thave?Canbadgoalsbecontagious,too?Will

watchingtoomuchSopranosturnmeintoacriminal?Ifmyfriendcheatsonherhusband,willI
unconsciouslyadoptthatgoal,too?Absolutelynot.Nothingcantriggeragoalthatyoufeeliswrongto
pursue,nomatterhowdesirableitmayseem.InanotherversionoftheBasstudy,whencasualsex-
seekingBaswasalsodescribedasexcitedabout“theupcomingbirthofhischild,”theresultschanged
dramatically.Becausetheyviewedthegoalofseekingcausalsexwhenyouarealreadyinarelationship
asreprehensible,themeninthatversiondidn’tfindBassocontagiousand,asaresult,werenot
particularlyhelpfultopoorEllen.

Thereareimportantlimitstowhattheenvironmentcando.Thegoodnewsisthatnothinginyour

environmentisgoingtotriggerinyouthegoalofbeingamassmurderer,orrobbingabank,orcheating
onyourspouse,unlessthoseweregoalsyoualreadyhadtobeginwith.Ingeneral,unconsciously
operatinggoalsareonesthatweeitherhavealreadyconsciouslyadopted(butarejustcontinuingto
workinanunconsciousway)oraregoalsweseeinaverypositivelight.

MakeYourUnconsciousWorkforYou

Nowthatyouknowhowcuesinyourenvironmentcantriggertheunconsciouspursuitofgoals,it’stime
totakeagoodlookaroundandseewhatyourenvironmentmaybetriggering.Andevenmore
important,takethetimetofigureoutwhatismissing.Iftherearegoalsyouwanttopursue(losing
weight,stoppingsmoking,rememberingtocallyourmother,fixingupthehouse),aretheretriggersin
yourenvironmentthatwillhelpyourunconsciousmindactivatethosegoals?Rememberthatthe
triggerscanbeanything,solongastheirmeaningiscleartoyou.Leavehealthysnacksoutwhereyou
canseethem.Leaveafitnessmagazinelyingonthecounterinyourkitchen.Keepato-dolist,inbig
letters,someplacewhereyouseeiteveryday.Putanice,framedphotoofyourmomnexttothephone.
Itdoesn’tmatterwhatkindofcuesyouuse—aslongasyoufillyourenvironmentwiththem,youcan
countonyourunconsciousmindtostartgivingyouahandinreachingthegoalsyouwanttoachieve.

Ofcoursethesameadviceappliestotimeswhenyouwantsomeoneelsetobemoresuccessfulin

pursuingagoal.Aretherecuesinyourteenagers’roomsthatwillhelpthemremembertodotheir
homework?(MyparentsgavemeEinsteinandBeethovenpostersinhighschool.Verycleverofthem.)
Aretherecuesinyouremployees’workspacethatwillinspirethemtoworkwithenthusiasmand
efficiency?Aretherecuesinyourhomethatwillencourageyourspousetobemorecooperativeand
supportive?Whenyouthinkaboutthekindsoftriggersyoumightaddtotheseenvironments,remember
thatthesametriggermayleadtoverydifferentgoals,dependingontheperson.Forexample,beingina
situationofholdingpoweroverothersseemstounconsciouslytriggersocial-responsibilitygoals(like
helpingothersorgivingtocharity)inpeoplewhostronglyvaluecommunity.Thesamesituation
triggersmoreself-interestedgoals(likegettingaheadatworkorobtainingfinancialrewards)inpeople
whoaremoreindividualistic.

Sotailorthecuesyoucreatetothepersontheyaremeantfor—thismaytakesomecreativityonyour

part,butitwillbewellworththeeffort.Delegatinggoalpursuittotheunconsciouspartsofthemindis
agreatwaytofreeupmentalspaceandenergyforallthethingsthatconstantlyrequireyourattention.
It’sagreatwaytokeepyourselfontrackwhentemptationsanddistractionsarise.Andjustlikewhen
youfindyourselfpullingintoyourdrivewayattheendofalongday,youmayfindyourselfachieving
goalswithoutreallyknowingquitehowyougotthere.

WhatYouCanDo

•Knowwhatisinfluencingyou.Ifyouwanttomakebetterchoiceswhenitcomestosetting

goals,it’shelpfultounderstandsomeofthehiddeninfluencesonthosechoices.Bybringing
themtolight,wecanevaluatewhethertheyarerightorwrong,andifwewantto,lessentheir
influence.

•Knowwhatyoubelieveaboutyourabilities.Thegoalswesetforourselvesareshapedinlarge

partbyourbeliefsaboutourabilities.Iftherearegoalsthatappealtoyou,butyouhaveavoided
settingtheminyourlife,it’stimetoaskyourselfwhy.Howsureareyouthatyourbeliefsare
correct?Isthereanotherwaytolookatthings?

•Embracethepotentialforchange.Believingyouhavetheabilitytoreachyourgoalsis

important,butsoisbelievingyoucangettheability.Manyofusbelievethatourintelligence,
ourpersonality,andourphysicalaptitudesarefixed—thatnomatterwhatwedo,wewon’t
improve.These“entity”beliefsfocususongoalsthatareallaboutvalidatingourselves,rather

thanaboutdevelopingandgrowing.Fortunately,decadesofresearchsuggestthatthisbeliefis
completelywrong—“incremental”beliefsthatourcharacteristicscanchangeovertimeturnout
tobesupportedbyscientificevidence.Soifyoubelievethereissomethingaboutyouthatyou
cannotchange,andthatbeliefhasshapedthegoalsyou’vechoseninyourlife,it’stimetotoss
it.Embracingthe(accurate)beliefthatyoucanchangewillallowyoutomakebetterchoices
andreachyourfullestpotential.

•Setuptherightenvironment.Anotherpowerfulinfluenceonthegoalsyoupursueisyour

environment,andthatinfluenceisalmostalwaysunconscious.Thewordsweread,theobjects
wesee,thepeopleweinteractwith—justaboutanythingweencountercantriggerunconscious
goalpursuit.Rolemodelsmotivateus,inlargepart,throughgoalcontagion.Inotherwords,we
adoptthegoalsweseeotherpeoplepursuing,providedweseethosepeopleinapositivelight.

•Usetriggerstotapyourunconscious.Tokeepyourselfmotivated,fillyourenvironmentwith

remindersandtriggersthatwillkeepyourunconsciousmindworkingtowardyourgoal,even
whenyourconsciousmindisdistractedbyotherthings.

PARTTWO

GetSet

CHAPTER3

TheGoalsThatKeepYouMovingForward

ATTHESTARTOFEVERYSEMESTER,ISTANDATTHEFRONTOFALARGElecturehall
lookingatanewgroupofabout100to150fresh-facedyoungundergraduates.Theysit,withpensand
notebooksinhand,justwaitingformetostartspeakingsothattheycanfeverishlywritedown
everythingIsay.WhenIwasagraduatestudent,Ihadeagerlylookedforwardtomyfuturecareerasa
professor,imagininghowIwouldinspireandengagemystudents.Inmylectures,Iwouldopenthe
doorforthemintothefascinatingandinsightfulworldofscientificpsychology.Iwouldhelpthemto
betterunderstandthemselvesand,insodoing,helpthemtoreachtheirfullestpotential.Inmyheadit
wassomethinglikeDeadPoetsSociety,onlywithalittlelessstandingontablesandalotlesspoetry.So
youcanimaginemydisappointmentwhenIcametounderstandthatintherealityofthecollege
classroom,thequestionIamaskedmostoftenbymystudentsis,“Professor,willthisbeontheexam?”

Youreallycan’tblamethestudents—Ihavebeenfortunateenoughtoteachatsomeofthiscountry’s

finestuniversities,andtheseareyoungpeoplewithfirst-rateminds.Buttheyarealsoyoungpeoplewho
arefocused,forthemostpart,ongettinggoodgradesandprovingthattheyaresmart.It’snotthatthey
areallentitytheorists,believingthattheirintelligenceisfixed—thoughmanyundoubtedlyare.It’s
mostlythatmoderncollegeundergraduatesdon’tfeelthattheyhavethetime(orinclination)tojoinme
onajourneyofscientificandself-discovery.Theyneedtogetintolawschool.Ormedicalschool.Oran
M.B.A.program.Tellstudentsthattheyshouldfocusalittlelessontheirgradesandalotmoreon
thinkingdeeplyandmeaningfullyaboutwhatyouaretryingtoteachthem,andtheywilllookatyouas
ifyouhavesevenheads.Orworse,you’llgetthepatronizingeyerollandsigh.“Isn’tProfessorGrant
Halvorsonnaïve?Focuslessongrades?ShemustthinkthisisDeadPoetsSociety.”

Butwhatdifferencedoesitmake,really?Doesitmatterifyourgoalistoprovethatyouaregoodat

whatyoudo,orifinsteadit’stogrowandimprove?Aren’tbothkindsofgoalsmotivating?Sure,they
canbe.Butthatmotivationwilllookandfeelverydifferent.Inthelastchapter,Italkedabouthowyour
beliefscanshapeyourtendencytofocusongoalsthatareaboutperformance,orgoalsthatareabout
progress.Inthischapter,I’mgoingtotellyoumoreabouthowthesetwokindsofgoalsdifferfromone
another,inwaysthatreallymatter.

Forexample,thekindofgoalyouendupchoosingwillaffecthowinterestingandenjoyableyour

journeytoachievementwillbe.Itwillinfluencehowproneyouaretoanxietyanddepression,andhow
youhandleitwhenyougethitwithabadcaseoftheblues.Mostimportant,itwilldeterminenotonly
howstrongyourmotivationis,buthowlongyou’llpersistwhenthegoinggetstough.Yousee,some
kindsofgoalsmakeyoumuchmorelikelytokeeptryingandnotgiveup,nomatterhowdiscouraged
youmayget.Othersseemtobeaperfectsetupforfailure.It’stimewealllearnedtotellthemapart.

Sothinkbacktowhenyouwereahighschoolorcollegestudent—inyourclasses,didyoucaremore

aboutdevelopingyourabilityandlearningasmuchasyoucould,orwereyoutryingtoshowyour
teacher(oryourparents,oryourself)thatyoualreadyhadalotofability?Inyourcurrentjob,doyou
tendtoseeanewprojectorassignmentasanopportunitytolearnandexpandyourexpertise,orasa

chancetoproveyourselforimpressyourboss?Whenproblemsariseinyourromanticrelationships,do
youfocusongrowingasacoupleandlearningfromyourmistakes,oronevaluatingandjudgingyour
partner(andyourself)?Inotherwords,isyourgoaltobegoodortogetbetter?

Beforecontinuing,takeamomenttojotdownyouranswerstothefollowingstatementsinyour

notebookoronapieceofpaper.Remembertobehonest—therearenorightorwronganswers.

WhatMotivatesYou—BeingGoodorGettingBetter?

Usingthescalebelow,ratehowmuchyouagreewitheachstatement.Inotherwords,ratehowtrue

thisisofyouingeneral.

1.Itisveryimportanttometodowellatschoolorworkcomparedtomyclassmatesorcoworkers.
2.Ilikehavingfriendswhocanteachmesomethingaboutmyself,evenifitisn’talwayspositive.
3.Iamalwaysseekingopportunitiestodevelopnewskillsandacquirenewknowledge.
4.Ireallycareaboutmakingagoodimpressiononotherpeople.
5.It’simportanttometoshowthatIamsmartandcapable.
6.Istrivetohaveopenandhonestrelationshipswithmyfriendsandacquaintances.
7.Istrivetoconstantlylearnandimproveinschooloratwork.
8.WhenIamwithotherpeople,IthinkalotabouthowIam“comingacross”tothem.
9.IfeelgoodaboutmyselfwhenIknowthatotherpeoplelikeme.
10.Itrytodobetterthanmycoworkersorclassmates.
11.Iliketobeinrelationshipsthatchallengemetochangeforthebetter.
12.InschooloratworkIamfocusedondemonstratingmyability.

Addupyourscoresfromnumbers1,4,5,8,9,10,and12.Dividethistotalby7.

Thisisyourbe-goodscore.

Addupyourscoresfromnumbers2,3,6,7,and11.Dividethistotalby5.

Thisisyourget-betterscore.

Whichscoreishigher?Ifyouarelikemostpeople,youpursuebothkindsofgoalstosomeextent.

Butwhichdoyoupursuemore?

Understandingwhosucceedsandwhogivesuporfailsinanyachievementsituation—beitinthe

classroom,ontheplayingfield,orintheworkplace—hasbeenamajorconcernofscientific
psychologistsfordecades.Mostpeopleassumeithasalottodowithintelligence,butthat’ssurprisingly
wrong.Howsmartyouarewillinfluencetheextenttowhichyouexperiencesomethingasdifficult(for
example,howhardamathproblemhastobebeforeitstumpsyou),butitsaysnothingabouthowyou
willdealwithdifficultywhenithappens.Itsaysnothingaboutwhetheryouwillbepersistentand
determinedorfeeloverwhelmedandhelpless.

Thegoalsyoupursueintheclassroom,playingfield,andworkplace,ontheotherhand,cantellus

quitealotabouthowyouwillcopewithdifficulty,andwhetherornotyouarelikelytoultimately

succeed.Psychologistswhostudyachievementhavebeenparticularlyinterestedinthedifferencesthat
arisewhenpeoplefocusonperformingwelltodemonstrateability(beinggood)versusfocusingon
progress,growth,andgainingmastery(gettingbetter).

WhenYourGoalIstoBeGood

Psychologistsrefertothedesiretobegood—toshowthatyouaresmartortalentedorcapable,orto
outperformotherpeople—ashavingaperformancegoal.Whenyoupursueperformancegoals,your
energyisdirectedatachievingaparticularoutcome—likegettinganAonatest,reachingasalestarget,
gettingyourattractivenewneighbortogooutwithyou,orgettingintolawschool.Thoughtheydon’t
necessarilyneedtobe,theperformancegoalsmostofuspursueinoureverydaylivesareoftentied
closelytooursenseofself-worth.Wechoosethesegoalsinthefirstplacebecausewethinkreaching
themwillgiveusasenseofvalidation—makinguslookandfeelsmart,talented,anddesirable.And
thenwejudgeourselvesaccordingtowhetherornotwearesuccessful.SonotgettinganAisn’tjust
disappointinginitsownright,butitalsomeansI’mnotsmartenough,notgoodenough.Comingup
shortofmysalesgoalmeansI’mnotgoodatmyjob.Whenmyneighbordoesn’tseeminterestedinme,
I’munattractiveandunworthy.WhenIdon’tgetintolawschool,I’matotalfailure.Performancegoals
arecharacterizedbyanall-or-nothingquality—youeitherreachthegoaloryoudon’t.Youwinoryou
lose.Asthesayinggoes,“closeonlycountsinhorseshoesandhandgrenades”—definitelynotwhenit
comestoperformancegoals.Whenallyoucareaboutisbeinggood,beingalmostgoodormostlygood
isreallynotmuchconsolation.

Performancegoalsareverymotivating,notsurprisingly,becausethereisoftensomuchridingon

success.Instudyafterstudy,wefindthatpeoplepursuingbe-goodgoalsworkhardtodowelland,
undertherightcircumstances,arethehighestachievers.Studentswithstrongperformancegoalsoften
getthehighestcoursegrades;employeeswithstrongperformancegoalsoftenarethemostproductive.
IfItoldyouthatIwasjudgingyoubasedonhowwellyoudidsomething—thatIwasevaluatingyour
intelligence,oryourcompetence,oryourathleticability,orhowlikableyouare,you’dprobablybevery
motivatedtodoitaswellasyoupossiblycould.Butperformancegoalshaveadouble-edged-sword
quality—thosetiestoself-worththatmakethemsomotivatingarealsowhatmakethemlessadaptive
whenthegoinggetstougher.

Ifyouthinkaboutit,thismakessense.WhenmygoalistogetanAinaclassandprovethatI’m

smart,andItakethefirstexamandIdon’tgetanA...well,thenIreallycan’thelpbutthinkthatmaybe
I’mnotsosmart,right?Concluding“maybeI’mnotsmart”hasseveralconsequences,andnoneofthem
aregood.First,I’mgoingtofeelterrible—probablyanxiousanddepressed,possiblyembarrassedor
ashamed.Mysenseofself-worthandself-esteemaregoingtosuffer.Myconfidencewillbeshaken,if
notcompletelyshattered.AndifI’mnotsmartenough,there’sreallynopointincontinuingtotrytodo
well,soI’llprobablyjustgiveupandnotbotherworkingsohardontheremainingexams.

Whenyoupursuethegoalofbeinggood,youcanquiteeasilybecomeavictimofatragicself-

fulfillingprophecy—believingthatyoudon’thavewhatittakes,youstoptrying,whichdoomsyouto
fail.Whichofcoursejustreinforcesthe(mistaken)beliefthatyoudidn’thavewhatittakesinthefirst
place.(AsThomasEdisononcenoted,“Manyoflife’sfailuresarepeoplewhodidnotrealizehowclose
theyweretosuccesswhentheygaveup.”)Soit’snotsurprisingthatperformancegoalscanalsoleadto

thelowestachievement,alongwithaheavydoseofdisappointmentandself-doubt.

WhenYourGoalIstoGetBetter

NoteverystudentisobsessedwithgettingA’s.IneachoftheclassesI’vetaughtovertheyears,there
hasalwaysbeenanothergroupofstudents—admittedly,aminority—whoseemedtocaremoreabout
whattheycouldlearnthanwhattheyhadtoprove.Theyareeasytospotbecausetheirbehaviorisso
verydifferentfromthebe-gooders.Theyaskquestions—questionsthattheyknowwon’tbeonmy
exam.TheyaskabouthowthetopicI’mcurrentlylecturingonisrelatedtowhatwetalkedaboutin
classweeksago,orhowit’srelatedtosomethingtheylearnedinadifferentcourse,ortosomethingthey
sawonthenews.Theychallengemyinterpretationofastudy—askingifthereisn’tanotherwaytolook
attheresults.Thesearethestudentsthathangaroundafterclasstoaskmorequestions.They’retheones
whocometomyofficehours,midtermexaminhand,wantingtoknowwhytheygotaparticular
questionwrong—nottoarguewithme,buttounderstand.TotrulymasterthematerialIamtryingto
teachthem.Togetbetter.

Psychologistsrefertothedesiretogetbetter—todeveloporenhanceyourskillsandabilities—asa

masterygoal.Whenpeoplepursuemasterygoals,theydon’tjudgethemselvesasmuchbywhetherthey
achieveaparticularoutcome—likegettinganAorsurpassingasalesgoal.Instead,theyjudge
themselvesintermsoftheprogresstheyaremaking.AmIimproving?AmIlearning?AmImoving
forwardatagoodpace?It’slessaboutanyoneperformanceandmoreaboutperformanceovertime.
Thesegoalsaretiedtoself-worthinatotallydifferentway,becausetheyareaboutself-improvement
ratherthanself-validation—aboutbecomingthebest,mostcapablepersonyoucanbe,ratherthan
provingthatyoualreadyare.

Whenwepursuemastery(get-better)goals,wearelesslikelytoblameourdifficultiesandpoor

performancesonalackofability,becausethatwouldn’tmakesense.OfcourseIlackability—Ihaven’t
masteredthisyet!Instead,welooktoother,morecontrollablecauses.AmIputtinginenougheffortto
learnthismaterial?ShouldIbeusingadifferentstrategy?ShouldIaskanexpertforhelp?Whenpeople
runintotroubleinpursuitofget-bettergoals,theydon’tgetdepressedandhelplesslikethebe-gooders
—theytakeaction.Theyaskthemselveswhattheyaredoingwrong,andtheyfixit.IfIgetaConmy
firstexam,Idoublemystudytimeandtryadifferentstudytechnique,likeusingflashcardsoroutlining.
IfIfallshortofmysalesgoal,Isitdownwiththemoreexperiencedsalespeopleinmycompanyand
askthemforguidance.Ifmyneighbordoesn’tseeminterestedinme,IthinkabouthowImightgethim
tonoticemeandhowwecangettoknoweachotherbetter.IfIdon’tgetintolawschoolonthefirsttry,
IseekoutadvicefromlawschoolprofessorsoradmissionsofficerstoseewhatIcandotomakemyself
amoreattractivecandidatebeforeapplyingagain.Get-bettergoalscansometimesleadtothegreatest
achievement,becausepeoplewhofocusongettingbetterrarelymakethemistakeofgivinguptoosoon.

Instudyafterstudy,psychologistshavefoundthatthepursuitofbe-goodperformancegoalsandget-

bettermasterygoalsleadspeopletolook,feel,andbehaveverydifferently.Intheremainingpagesof
thischapter,I’llhighlightsomeofthemostinterestingandimportantdifferenceswe’vefound.

WhichGoalIsBestforMe?

Iwishtherewereasimpleanswertothatquestion.ThisisanotheroneofthosetimeswhereI’mforced
toadmitthat“itdepends.”AsImentionedearlier,therearetimeswhenbe-goodperformancegoals
seemtobemoremotivatingthanget-bettermasterygoals.Peoplewhoaretryingtoprovethattheyare
smartorworthyoftenapproachataskwithenormousenergyandintensity.Thisturnsouttobe
particularlytruewhentangiblerewardsareatstake.Inonestudy,psychologistAndrewElliotandhis
colleagues

askedstudyparticipantstoworkonagameverysimilartoScrabble,wheretheywouldtry

tomakeasmanywordsaspossibleafterrollingasetofdicemarkedwithletters,forwhichtheywould
scorepoints.Thoseinthebe-goodgoalconditionweretoldthat“thepurposeofthisstudyistocompare
collegestudentswithoneanotherintheirabilitytosolvethesepuzzles.”Thoseintheget-bettergoal
conditionwereinsteadtoldthatthepurposeofthesessionwas“tolearnhowtoplaythisgamewell.”
Halfofthestudentsineachgroupwerealsotoldthatiftheydidwellenough,theywouldgetachance
toearnextracreditpointsinthecoursetheywerecurrentlytaking.Collegestudentsloveextracredit
points,sothiswasaverydesirablereward.

Whenmakingwordsdidn’tearnthemanyextracredit,studentsinthebe-goodandget-bettergoal

conditionsscoredaboutthesame—rightaround120points.Butwhentheextracreditrewardwas
introduced,thoseinthebe-goodgoalgroupscored180points—50percenthigherthanthestill120-
pointget-bettergoalgroup.Itturnsoutpeoplewhoarefocusedontryingtodevelopaskillarenotthat
impressedbyrewards.Butwhenyouaretryingtodemonstratewhatyoucando,it’sthatmuchmore
motivatingwhenhighabilityearnsyousomethingyoureallywant.

Otherstudieshaveshownthatthepursuitofbe-goodgoalscanleadtohigherscoresonawide

varietyoftasks,likesolvingmathproblemsorplayingpinball,andinsomecasestheycanevenleadto
highercoursegrades.Butinmanyofthesestudies,it’sclearthattheparticipantsweren’treallyallthat
challengedbywhattheyweredoing—theproblemsorgameswererelativelyeasy,andthecourseswere
onesinwhichmoststudentsdidprettywell.Sowhenyoufindsomethingrelativelyeasytodo,it’svery
motivatingtofocusongivingthebestpossibleperformanceandvalidatingyourgoodness,anditwill
probablypayoffforyou.

Averydifferentpictureemerges,however,whentheroadgetsrockier—whenpeoplearedealingwith

unfamiliar,complex,ordifficulttasks,withobstacles,orwithsetbacks.That’swheretheadvantagesof
focusingongrowthoverglorybecomeclear.

DealingwithDifficulty

LauraGeletyandIranaseriesofstudiesspecificallylookingathowpeoplehandledifficultyinpursuit
ofbothbe-goodandget-bettergoals.

Wetoldparticipantsinourstudiesthatwewereinterestedin

problemsolving.Halfofthemwerethentoldthattheirscoreontheproblemstheywereabouttowork
onreflectedtheir“conceptualandanalyticalabilities,”andthattheirgoalshouldbetotrytogetahigh
score.Inotherwords,wegavethemthegoaloftryingtobegood,todemonstratetheirsmartness.The
otherhalfweretoldinsteadthatthetaskwasa“trainingtool”thatwouldhelpthemtodeveloptheir
abilities,andthattheirgoalshouldbeto“takeadvantageofthisvaluablelearningopportunity.”We
gavethesestudentsthegoaloftryingtogetbetter,byimprovingtheirproblem-solvingskill.

Wealsovariedthedifficultyoftheproblemsbyintroducingchallengesforsomeoftheparticipants.

Wethrewinunsolvableproblems,withoutactuallymentioningthattheywereunsolvable.We

interruptedparticipantswhiletheywereworking,usinguptheirtimeeventhoughtheyknewtime
wouldsoonbeup.Acrossthestudies,wefoundthatthepursuitofget-bettermasterygoalswas
unaffectedwhenwerampedupthedifficultyfactor.Nomatterwhatwedidtothem,participantsinthe
easierandmorechallengingconditionsdidequallywell.Averydifferentpictureemergedwhenitcame
tobe-goodperformancegoalpursuit.Introducingdifficultyorobstaclestobe-goodersresultedin
significantlyfewerproblemssolved.

RememberafewchaptersagowhenIsaidthatexpectationsforsuccessareveryimportantfor

motivation?Thatpeopletendtodowellwhentheybelievetheyaregoingtodowell?That’sperfectly
true.Butoneofthemostinterestingfindingstoemergefromourstudiesisthatitismoretrueforbe-
goodgoalsthanget-bettergoals.Whenweintroducedchallengesandrampedupthedifficultyforour
participants,theirexpectationsforsuccessveryunderstandablywentdown.Theyfelt,givenhowhard
thetaskseemed,thattheywerelesslikelytodowell.Butthosepeoplewhowerepursuingbe-good
goalsseemedtobemostaffected—theirexpectationsdippedwaydown.Andperhapsmoreimportant,
evenwhentheirexpectationsdiddip,thoseparticipantspursuingget-bettergoalswereunaffectedbyit.
Inotherwords,nomatterhowpoorlytheythoughttheywoulddoontheproblems,theyremained
motivatedtotryandtolearn.

That’sworthtakingamomenttothinkabout.Whenyouarefocusedongettingbetter,ratherthanon

beinggood,youbenefitintwoveryimportantways.First,whenthingsgettough—whenyouarefaced
withcomplexity,timepressure,obstacles,orunexpectedchallenges—youdon’tgetsodiscouraged.
You’remorelikelytobelieveyoucanstilldowellifyoujustkeeptrying.Second,whenyoudostartto
havedoubtsabouthowwellyouaredoing,youaremorelikelytostaymotivatedanyway.Becauseeven
ifyouthinksucceedingwillbedifficultforyou,youcanstilllearn.Improvementisstillpossible.You
canstillgetbetter.Sowhenataskisdifficult,andpersistenceisthekeytohigherachievement,get-
bettermasterygoalshavetheclearadvantage.Andthereisnobetterplacetoseethatadvantagethanin
thegruelinganddream-crushingordealthatisthecollegepre-medexperience.

PersistenceandthePre-med

Everyonewhowantstogotomedicalschoolisrequiredtotakeasetofcoresciencecoursesincollege,
includingseveralcoursesinchemistryandbiology.Pre-medstudentsapproachthesecourseswith,at
best,trepidationand,atworst,abjectterror.That’sbecausegoodgrades(preferablyA’s)inpre-med
coursesareprettymuchessentialforgettingintomedicalschool.Andgeneralchemistry,takenduring
thefirstsemesterofastudent’sfreshmanyear,isthefirsthurdletobeovercome.

Formanystudents—particularlythoseattop-tiercollegesanduniversities—thisisthefirsttruly

difficultcoursetheyhaveevertakenintheirlives.Studentswhohavebeenatthetopofthehonorroll
throughoutmiddleandhighschoolfindthemselvessuddenlyinacoursewheretypicallyhalfofthem
willgetaCorlower.Theoneswhosucceedwillhavetofightforit—theywillhavetohandlethe
difficultywithgraceanddetermination,keepinguptheireffortandmotivationinthefaceofthat
disappointingfirstmidterm.Butwhofightsforit?Whosucceeds,andwhogivesupandbecomesa
psychologymajor?(I’monlyhalfkidding.Psychologyisoneofthemostpopularmajorsonmost
collegecampuses,andI’dwagerthatwhileit’smostlybecausepsychologyisfascinating,it’satleast
partlybecausepsychologyseemstobeasafehavenformanyformerpre-medrefugees.)

CarolDweckandIbelievedthatthegoalsstudentswerepursuingintheirchemistrycoursesmight

havealottodowithwhofoughtforsuccessandwhogaveuptoosoon.Soweaskedthefreshman
chemistrystudentsatColumbiaUniversitytotellusaboutwhattheirmainfocusandobjectiveswere
withrespecttochemistry.Justtobeclear,everyoneinthatcoursewantedtogetanA.It’snotasifsome
ofthemdidn’tcarewhatgradetheyendedupwith—Columbiaisaprettycompetitiveplace.Butfor
someofthestudents,gradesseemedtobealltheycaredabout.Andmoreimportant,theybelievedthat
theirgradesreflectedhowsmarttheywere—goodgradesmeanyou’vegotit,poorgradesmeanyou
don’t.Theyagreedwithstatementssuchas“InschoolIamfocusedondemonstratingmyintellectual
ability.”Otherstudentstoldusthattheyalsocaredalotaboutlearninganddeveloping,endorsinga
statementsuchas“Istrivetoconstantlylearnandimproveinmycourses”and“InmyclassesIfocuson
developingmyabilitiesandacquiringnewones.”

Armedwithasenseofthegoalsthesestudentswherepursuing,welookedcarefullyattheircourse

gradesthroughoutthesemester.Wefoundthatthestudentswhoactivelypursuedget-bettergoalsnot
onlyreceivedhigheroverallcoursegrades,butthattheydidsopreciselybecausetheyimprovedwith
eachexam.Infact,get-bettergoalsdidn’tactuallyleadtohighergradesontheveryfirstexam—their
benefitwasfeltinsubsequentexams,whenthestudentswhoheldthemweremorelikelytokeepupor
evenincreasetheireffortsandstaymotivated.Wesawtheoppositepatternwhenitcametostudents
whowerefocusedonprovingthemselvesthroughtheirgrades—theirperformanceactuallydeteriorated
overtime,particularlywhentheirfirstexamgradeswerelessthanstellar.Sowhenpersistenceiswhatis
neededtosucceed—whenyouneedtobeinitforthelonghaulandnotgiveuptoosoon—get-better
goalsarejustwhatthedoctorordered.

Lestyouthinkthatthesegoalsonlymatterintheclassroom,Icanassureyouthatwefindthese

effectseverywhere.Forexample,inonestudy,psychologistDonVandeWalleandhiscolleagues
observedsalesperformanceamong153employeesofamedicalsuppliesdistributor,whowere
responsibleforthesalesofovertwothousandlinesofmedicalsuppliesandequipment.Theirswasa
challengingjob—onethatrequiredeffortandpersistence(ofteninthefaceoffrequentrejection).Atthe
beginningoftheobservationperiod,thesalespersonswereaskedtofilloutsurveysindicatingwhether
theywereprimarilyperformance-goal(be-good)focused(“Iverymuchwantmycoworkerstoconsider
megoodatselling”)ormastery-goal(get-better)focused(“Learninghowtobeabettersalespersonisof
fundamentalimportancetome”)withrespecttotheirjobs.VandeWallefoundthatfocusingonbe-good
performancegoalsdidnotleadtosuperiorsales.Ontheotherhand,thosesalespeoplewithstrongerget-
bettergoalssetthemselveshighersalestargets,putmoretimeandeffortintotheirsales,andengagedin
betterplanning.Asaresult,thestrongertheirfocusongettingbetter,themoreunitstheysold.Soeven
inthe“realworld”outsidethecollegeclassroom,peoplewhopursuegetting-bettergoalsareinfact
betteratgettingthedifficultjobsdone.

HavingaGoodTime

Manypeoplehavenodoubttoldyouthatwhenitcomestoyourgoals,it’simportanttoenjoy“getting
there.”Thatyouneedtolovenotjusttheresult,butthe“process”—themeansaswellastheend.
They’vetoldyouthatthisisthekeytohappiness.Goodadvice,exceptforthepartwheretheyforgetto
mentionhowexactlyyougoaboutdoingthat.It’snotalwayseasytoenjoygettingthere,tosavorthe

experiencesalongtheway.Formanyofus,itjustdoesn’tcomenaturallytofocusonwhatisinteresting
andenjoyableaboutwhatwe’redoingwhenwe’reingoal-pursuitmode.Manyofmystudentsseemso
focusedonmemorizingthematerialtheyneedtorememberformyexamsthattheybarelystoptothink
aboutwhattheyareactuallylearning.Andthat’sbecausethey,likemanyofus,aretryingtoachievebe-
good,performancegoals.Be-goodgoalsareallabouttheoutcome,andsothat’swhatholdsallofour
attention.

Get-bettergoals,ontheotherhand,areallaboutthejourney.Indozensofstudies,psychologistshave

foundthatwhenpeoplepursueget-bettergoals,theyfindgreaterinterestandenjoymentinwhatthey
do.Theyhaveaheightenedattentiontotheprocess,experienceagreatersenseofinvolvementand
immersion,andpersonallyvaluewhattheyarelearningmore.Thiswastrueevenamongourpre-meds
—theonesfocusedongettingbettertoldusthattheyfoundtheexperienceoflearningchemistry
interesting,enjoyable,andengaging.Whenpursuingtherightgoals,eventheperiodictableofelements
hasacertaincharm.

Havingmorefunpursuingyourgoalsisagoodthinginandofitself,butthat’snotall.Interested

studentsarealsomorelikelytobeactive,ratherthanpassive,participantsintheirownlearning.Studies
showthatstudentswhofindthematerialinterestingaremorelikelytogeneratetheirownquestionsand
seektheanswerstosatisfytheircuriosity.

Theyuse“deeper”processingstrategies,likelookingfor

themes,connections,andunderlyingprinciplesinthematerialtheyarelearning,insteadofthemore
“surface”processingstrategieslikerotememorizationandcrammingsofavoredbybe-gooders.They
arelesslikelytoprocrastinate.

Andallthatactivelearningandquestionaskingandnotprocrastinating

leads,notsurprisingly,tohigherachievement.Ifyouchooseget-bettergoals,youhavegreatersuccess
becauseyouenjoytheprocessofgettingbetter.Sosometimesyoureallycanhaveyourcakeandeatit,
too.

AskingforHelp

Oneofthemostimportantthingsyoucandotoreachanydifficultgoalisknowwhentoaskforand
accepthelp.Seekinghelpcanbeaveryeffectivewaytocopewithobstacles,facechallenges,orjust
navigateunfamiliarterrain.Butsometimes—infactalltoooften—peopleavoidaskingforhelpbecause
theydon’twanttolookorfeelincompetent.Askingforhelpmeansadmittingyouneedit.Soifyour
goalistobegood,toshowhowsmartorcapableyouare,thenneedinghelpmayfeellikeanadmission
offailure.Ontheotherhand,seekinghelpisagreatwaytogetbetter,andthepeoplewhopursue
masterygoalsinsteadofperformancegoalsclearlyknowit.

PsychologistRuthButlerfoundthistobethecasewhenshelookedathowschoolteachers’own

goalswithrespecttotheirteachingpredictedtheirtendenciestoseekhelp.Butlerdistinguishedbetween
twokindsofhelpthatpeoplecanseek.“Autonomous”helppromotesunderstandingandlearning,so
thateventuallyyoucandowhateveritisonyourown.“Expedient”helpreferstothosetimeswhenyou
reallyjustwantsomeonetodotheworkorhandletheproblemforyou.Putdifferently,expedienthelpis
givingahungrymanafish,andautonomoushelpisteachinghimhowtofish.

Amonghergroupof320elementary,middle,andhighschoolteachers,Butlerfoundthatsome

pursuedmostlyget-bettergoalsintheclassroom.Theysaidthattheyfeltmostsuccessfulwhenthey
“learnedsomethingnewaboutteachingormyselfasateacher”andwhenthey“sawthatIwas

developingprofessionallyandteachingmoreeffectivelythaninthepast.”Othersfocusedmainlyonbe-
goodgoalsandfeltmostsuccessfulwhen“myclassesdidbetterthanthoseofotherteachersonan
exam”orwhen“theprincipalcommendedmeforhavinghigherteachingabilitythanmostofmy
colleagues.”Itshouldn’tsurpriseyouatthispointtohearthatthoseteacherswhopursuedget-better
goalsweremorelikelytoseekhelp.Specifically,theysoughtautonomouslearn-to-fishhelp(“I’dprefer
someonetorefermetobooksthatcanhelpmeimprovemyknowledge”and“I’dprefertobeoffereda
workshoponmethodsofclassroommanagement”)butdidnotseekexpedientgive-me-the-fishhelp
(“I’dpreferthattheprincipalorsomeoneelsedealwiththedisruptivestudents”and“I’dprefer
someonetorefermetowork-booksthatthestudentscandobythemselves”).

Sofar,I’vetoldyouthatpeoplewhofocusonimprovinganddevelopingtheirabilitieshavequitea

fewadvantagesoverpeoplewhofocusondemonstratingtheirabilities.Get-bettergoalsleadyouto
handledifficultygracefully,persistinthefaceofchallenge,findinterestandenjoymentinwhatyoudo,
usebetterstrategies,andseektherightkindofhelpwhenyouneedit.Butevenalifechock-fullofget-
bettergoalsisnoguaranteethatthingswillnevergowrong.Thingswillgowrong.Sometimesvery
wrong.And,asitturnsout,get-bettergoalsarehandywhenthathappens,too.

WhenFeelingDownCanFireYouUp

Everybodygetstheblues.Nomatterwhatyourgoalsare,therewillbetimeswhenthingsdon’twork
outforyou—whencircumstanceschange,whenproblemsariseunexpectedly,whengettingwhatyou
wantedwasharderthanyouthoughtitwouldbe.Badthingshappen,andtheycanbevery,very
depressing.Ofcourse,forpeoplewhofocusongrowthandprogress,asopposedtoconstantlytryingto
provethemselves,thedepressionsthatdooccurtendtobebothlesssevereandlessfrequent.When
you’restrivingtogetbetter,youarelesslikelytoblamebadthingsthathappenonsomethingaboutyou
thatcan’tbechanged,soyoudon’tgetquitesodepressed.Andthat’sgoodnewsbecauseitmeansthat
byemphasizinggettingbetteroverbeinggood,wecanhelpbothourselvesandotherstolivelivesless
burdenedbyemotionalpainanditsterribleconsequences.

ButasIsaidearlier,everybodygetstheblues—evenifyoufillyourlifewithget-bettergoals,bad

thingswillsometimeshappen,andyou’llbedepressedbythem.Thereallyremarkablenewsisthatit
turnsoutdepressiondoesn’tworkquitethesamewayforeveryone,andhowitaffectsyoudependson
thegoalsyoupursue.MycolleaguesCarolDweck,AllisonBaer,andIfirstnoticedthisthroughour
interactionswithanundergraduateresearchassistantinourlabatColumbiaUniversitywhoI’llcall
Robyn.EventhoughIhaveworkedwithhundredsofundergradsinmylabovertheyears,Istill
rememberRobynasoneofthemostrelentlesslyenergetic,motivated,andcapablestudentsI’veever
known.IfyouaskedheronMondaytohavesomethingdonebyFriday,itwasfinishedonTuesday.She
wasalwaysontime,alwayseagertohelpandtolearn,always100percentengaged.Soyoucanimagine
oursurprisewhenshetoldus,severalmonthsintoherassistantship,thatshehadbeensufferingonand
offfromapainfuldepressiontheentiretimewehadknownher.Youcouldhaveknockedmeoverwitha
feather.“Nobodywho’sdepressedlookslikethat,dothey?”wethought.“Isthatpossible?Canyourun
aroundlikethat,bethateffective,andactuallybedepressed?”

UnderstandingRobynbecameournewchallenge,andsinceshewassoclearlyamastery-seeking,

getting-betterkindofperson,wewonderedifperhapsdepressionlooksverydifferentwhenit’snot

coupledwiththegoaloftryingtoproveyourselfandvalidateyourworth.Tofindout,weaskedagroup
ofjustunderahundredundergraduatestofilloutadiaryeverydayforthreeweeks.Init,weaskedthem
totellusabouttheworstthingthathappenedtothemeachday,howtheywerefeelingaboutit,and
what,ifanything,theydidinresponse.Wealsoaskedthemtocheckofffromalistofdailyactivities
anythingtheyhaddonethatday,includingstudying,hangingoutwithfriends,anddoinghousehold
chores,suchaswashingdishesorlaundry.

Beforebeginningthestudy,thestudentsfilledoutaquestionnairethatmeasuredwhethertheywere

focusedmostlyonachievingbe-goodperformancegoals(“Ifeelasthoughmybasicworth,
competence,andlikabilityare‘ontheline’inmanysituationsIfindmyselfin”)orget-bettermastery
goals(“AsIseeit,therewardsofpersonalgrowthandlearningsomethingnewoutweighthe
disappointmentoffailureorrejection”).

Weweren’tatallsurprisedtofindthatthosestudentswhospentmostoftheirtimetryingtobegood

weremorelikelytoexperiencedepressionthanthosewhoweremorefocusedongettingbetter.Norwas
itsurprisingthattheworsethebe-goodersfelt,thelesslikelytheyweretodosomethingusefulaboutit.
Feelingbadmadethemlesslikelytotrytotakeanyactiontotrytosolvetheproblem.Feelingbadalso
madethemlesslikelytofunctionwellinotheraspectsoftheirlives—theirdisheslingeredinthesink,
theirdirtylaundrypiledup,andtheirtextbooksgathereddust.

Butweweresurprisedtofindthatwhentheydidexperiencedepression,thegetting-bettergroup

respondedverydifferentlytoit.Theworsetheyfelt,themorelikelytheyweretogetupanddo
somethingaboutit.Iftheproblemwassomethingtheycouldfix,theytookaction.Ifthesourceoftheir
depressionwassomethingoutoftheirowncontrol,theytriedtoseethesilverliningandgrowfromthe
experience.Andhere’swhat’sreallyremarkable:themoredepressedgetting-betterpeopleget,themore
likelytheyaretokeepupwiththeirothergoals—thesaddertheyfelt,thequickertheyweretotackle
thelaundrypileandcrackthosebooks.Sowhenyouarepursuingget-bettergoals,takingapoor
performance“toheart”isactuallygoodforyou.Feelingbadseemstofuelthefire,makingyouthat
muchmoremotivatedtoachievesuccess.

Ifyoufocusongrowthinsteadofvalidation,onmakingprogressinsteadofprovingyourself,youare

lesslikelytogetdepressedbecauseyouwon’tseesetbacksandfailuresasreflectingyourownself-
worth.Andyouarelesslikelytostaydepressed,becausefeelingbadmakesyouwanttoworkharder
andkeepstriving.Yougetupoffthecouch,dustoffthepotatochipcrumbs,andgetbusygetting
better.

Itmayseemincredibletoyouthatshiftingthefocusofyourgoalsfrombeinggoodtogettingbetter

cansodramaticallyaffectyourlife.Thinkofitthisway:goalsarelikelensesinapairofglasses.The
goalsyoupursuedeterminenotonlywhatyouseebuthowyouseeit—thethingsyounoticeandhow
youinterpretwhathappenstoyou.Failuresbecomefeedbackonhowtoimprove.Obstaclesbecome
surmountable.Feelingbadpropelsyouoffthecouch.Changeyourgoalandyouchangeyourglasses—
yourworldbecomesaverydifferentplace.

WhatYouCanDo

•Begoodorgetbetter?Inthischapter,wefocusedonthedifferencebetweengoalsthatareabout

provingyourself(beinggood)andgoalsthatareaboutimprovingyourself(gettingbetter).At

work,inschool,inyourrelationships—doyouseewhatyouaredoingastryingtobecomethe
best,orshowingeveryone(includingyourself)thatyoualreadyare?

•Begoodtoperformwell.Wantingtobegoodisverymotivatingandcanleadtoexcellent

performance,providedthatthingsdon’tgettoodifficult.Unfortunately,whentheroadgets
rocky,peoplewhoarefocusedonprovingthemselvestendtoconcludethattheydon’thavewhat
ittakes—andgiveupwaytoosoon.

•Getbettertoimproveperformance.Whenwefocusongettingbetter,wetakedifficultyin

stride—usingourexperiencestofuelourimprovement.Peoplewhopursuegrowthoftenturnin
thebestperformancesbecausetheyarefarmoreresilientinthefaceofchallenges.

•Getbettertoenjoytheride.Whenyourgoalistogetbetterratherthantobegood,youtendto

enjoywhatyou’redoingmoreandfinditmoreinteresting.Inotherwords,youappreciatethe
journeyasmuchasthedestination.Youalsoengageindeeper,moremeaningfulprocessingof
informationandbetterplanningforthefuture.Youareevenmorelikelytoaskforhelpwhen
youneedit,andmorelikelytotrulybenefitfromit.

•Getbettertofightdepression.Peoplewhosegoalsaremoreaboutself-growththantheyare

aboutself-validationdealwithdepressionandanxietyinmoreproductiveways.Feelingbad
makesthemgetupandtakeactiontosolvetheirproblems,ratherthanjustliearoundandfeel
sorryforthemselves.Notsurprisingly,theirdepressionstendtobebothmilderandshorterthan
thoseofpeoplewhoareconstantlytryingtoprovetheyarecapableandworthy.

•Getbettertoachievemore.Thebottomlineis,wheneverpossible,trytoturnyourgoalsfrom

beinggoodtogettingbetter.Ratherthanlamentallthewaysinwhichyourrelationshipsaren’t
perfect,focusonallthewaysinwhichtheycanbeimproved.Atwork,focusonexpandingyour
skillsandtakingonnewchallengesratherthanimpressingeveryonewithhowsmartand
knowledgeableyouare.Whenyouremphasisisonwhatthereistolearnratherthanwhatthere
istoprove,youwillbealothappierandwillachievealotmore.

CHAPTER4

GoalsforOptimistsandGoalsforPessimists

ATTHETIMEIAMWRITINGTHISCHAPTER,MYSONMAXISJUSTOVERayearold.Right
aroundhisfirstbirthday,Maxtookhisveryfirststeps.Nowheistoddlingnonstop(andfallingnonstop)
alloverthehouse.EventhoughheismysecondchildandI’vebeenthroughthisprocessbefore,Inever
quitegetusedtowatchingthebabycrashintothingsorfallonhisface.Watchinghimzigzagacrossa
roomathighspeeds,armsflailingwildly,fillsmewithanxiety.Iwanthimtolearntowalk—infact,it’s
mygoalashisparenttohelphimtodothat.SoIhavetakenprecautions.Iboughtnewplushcarpetsto
coverourhardtilefloors.Isetupsafetygatestoblockstairsandentrancestoroomswithsharp-edged
furniture.IntheroomswhereMaxisfreetotoddle,I’vegottenridofeverythingpointy.Imakehim
wearlittleshoeswithrubberslip-resistantsolestogivehimbettertraction.IfIcouldfindahelmetin
hissize,he’dbewearingit.

MyhusbandalsohasthegoalofhelpingMaxlearntowalk,buthisapproachcouldn’tbemore

differentfrommine.HeencouragesMaxtoclimbthestairs—andjustaboutanythingelse.Heleaves
thefloorstrewnwithobstaclesandwatchestoseeifMaxcannavigatearoundandoverthem.WhileI
amconstantlyofferingMaxmyhandtosteadyhim,myhusbandkeepshishandstohimselfandwaitsto
seeifMaxcandoitonhisown.Heisn’tparticularlyconcernedwhenMaxfalls,andheisthrilledtosee
himmasternewchallenges.Helaughs,loudly,atmyzealouschildproofing.(ThoughwhenIbring
homeoneofmymoreexpensivesafetygadgets,hestopslaughing.)

Webothhavethesamegoal—helpingoursontolearntowalk—butwethinkaboutthatgoalvery

differently,andsoweapproachitincompletelydifferentways.Formyhusband,helpingMaxtowalkis
abouthelpinghimtoachievesomething.Learningtowalkisanaccomplishment.It’sanopportunityto
moveforwardinhisdevelopment—togainanewandexcitingability.MyhusbandapproachesMax’s
toddlingstepswithasenseofeagerness—hecan’twaittoseewhatMaxwilldonext,andhefeelshis
jobistofacilitatethatprogresshoweverhecan.

Forme,helpingMaxtowalkisaboutkeepinghimsafewhilehelearns.Learningtowalkisfraught

withdanger.It’sanopportunityforyourchildtoreallyhurthimself.IapproachMax’stoddlingsteps
withastrongdesiretobevigilant—Ifeellikemyjobistokeephimsafewhilehelearns,andIcan’t
waituntilhemasterswalkingsohecanstopfallingdownsomuch.Iwanthimoutofjeopardy.

AccordingtopsychologistToryHiggins,myhusbandandIhavethesamegoalbutweeachhavea

differentfocus.

MyhusbandhaswhatHigginscallsapromotionfocuswithrespecttothegoalof

helpingMaxtowalk.Promotion-focusedgoalsarethoughtaboutintermsofachievementand
accomplishment.Theyareaboutdoingsomethingyouwouldideallyliketodo.Inthelanguageof
economics,theyareaboutmaximizinggains(andavoidingmissedopportunities).Whenhisfatherlets
Maxtacklethestairs,heistryingtogivehimanopportunitytogainsomething—anewskill.

I,ontheotherhand,haveapreventionfocuswhenitcomestoMax’swalking.Prevention-focused

goalsarethoughtaboutintermsofsafetyanddanger.Theyareaboutfulfillingresponsibilities,doing
thethingsyoufeelyououghttodo.Ineconomicterms,theyareaboutminimizinglosses,tryingtohang

ontowhatyou’vegot.WhenIputupthegatethatkeepsMaxoffthestairs,I’mtryingtoavoidaloss—
inthiscase,aseriousinjury.

Likebeinggoodandgettingbetter,promotionandpreventiongoalscanbetheverysamegoals,just

thoughtaboutinverydifferentways.AsaprofessorI’veseenthesedifferencescountlesstimesamong
mypre-medstudents.It’seasytospottheoneswhoaretryingtogetintomedicalschoolbecause
they’vealwaysdreamedofbeingadoctor(apromotionfocus),andtheoneswhoaremoreworriedthat
iftheydon’tgetin,they’lllettheirparentsandthemselvesdown(apreventionfocus).Bothkindsof
studentswillworkhardtogetin—bothwillbedevastatediftheyfail.Buttheywillworkdifferently.
Theywillusedifferentstrategies,bepronetodifferentkindsofmistakes.Onegroupwillbemotivated
byapplause,theotherbycriticism.Onegroupmaygiveuptoosoon—theothermaynotknowwhento
quit.

Thinkbacktoyourhighschoolorcollegeclassesonceagain,andtrytorememberwhatitwaslike

whenyouweretryinghardtogetagoodgrade.DidyouthinkofgettinganAasanachievement,
somethingyouideallyhopedtoattain?OrdidyouthinkofgettinganAasanobligation,somethingyou
oughttobeabletoearn?Doyouspendyourlifepursuingaccomplishmentsandaccolades,reachingfor
thestars?Orareyoubusyfulfillingyourdutiesandresponsibilities,beingthepersoneveryonecan
counton?Inmostsituations,doyouthinkyouarefocusedmoreonwhatyouhavetogainoronwhat
youhavetolose?

Inthischapter,you’lllearnwhetherornotyouseetheworld,andyourgoals,intermsofgainsor

losses.Andyou’llseehowithasshapedyourchoices,yourfeelings,andthewayyou’vepursuedyour
goalsinthepast.Unlikebeinggoodandgettingbetter,I’mnotgoingtobetellingyouthatonegoalis
betterforyouthantheother.Everyonepursuesbothkindsofgoalstosomeextent,andeachgoalhasits
prosandcons.Sincemostpeoplehaveadominantfocus—awaytheytendtolookatthegoalsintheir
ownlives—thetrickistobeabletoidentifyyourfocusandthendothethingsthatwillworkbestfor
you.Whetheryou’repursuingpromotiongoalsorpreventiongoals,inthischapteryou’lllearnwhatyou
candotoimproveyourchancesofreachingthem.

Beforecontinuing,takeamomenttojotdownyouranswerstothefollowingstatementsinyour

notebookoronapieceofpaper.Remembertobehonest—therearenorightorwronganswers.

WhatMotivatesYou?

Completethisexerciseasquicklyaspossible.Useonlyawordortwoforeachanswer.

1.WritedownaqualityorcharacteristicyouIDEALLYwouldliketopossess(orpossessmoreof).
2.WritedownaqualityorcharacteristicyoufeelyouOUGHTtopossess(orpossessmoreof).
3.NameanotherIDEALquality.
4.NameanotherOUGHTquality.
5.NameanotherOUGHTquality.
6.NameanotherIDEALquality.
7.OnemoreOUGHTquality.
8.OnemoreIDEALquality.

Mostpeoplehaveaprettyeasytimecomingupwiththefirstfewanswersbutfindthatcomingupwith
thethirdorfourth“ideal”orthethirdorfourth“ought”ismuchmoredifficult.Howdoyoutellifyou

arepromotion-orprevention-minded?Whichcamemoreeasilytoyou—idealsoroughts?Ifideals
camemorequicklytoyou,thenyouareusedtothinkingintermsofideals,soyouaremorepromotion-
minded.Ifoughtscamemorequicklyandeasily,youaremoreprevention-minded.

BeingLovedandStayingSafe

Humanbeings,andmammalsmoregenerally,appeartobebornwiththeinnatedesiretosatisfytwo
essentialneeds:theneedsfornurturanceandsecurity.Putalittlemoresimply,wewanttobelovedand
keptsafe.Higginsarguesthatthepursuitofpromotionandpreventiongoalsarisesinresponsetothese
universalneeds.Inotherwords,wepursuepromotiongoals—seekingachievementsand
accomplishments—inordertogetlove.IfIcanbecomethepersonIideallywanttobe,thenother
peoplewilladmiremeforit,andIwillhavealifefilledwithloveandasenseofbelonging.Similarly,
wepursuepreventiongoals—fulfillingresponsibilitiesandavoidingmistakes—inordertostaysafe.IfI
canbethepersonIshouldbe,thennoonewillgetangrywithmeordisappointedinme.IfIdon’tmake
anymistakes,Icankeepoutoftroubleandhavealifefilledwithpeaceandsecurity.

Astheoldsonggoes,thekeytohappinessistoboth“accentuatethepositive”and“eliminatethe

negative.”That’spromotionandpreventioninanutshell.Whenyou’reinpromotionmode,you’re
tryingtofillyourlifewithpositives—likelove,admiration,rewards,andotherpleasures.Whenyou’re
inpreventionmode,you’retryingtokeepyourlifefreeofnegatives—likedanger,guilt,punishment,
andotherpains.Becauseweallwantbothloveandsafety,tomaximizeourpositivesandminimizeour
negatives,weallpursuebothkindsofgoalsthroughoutourlives.Sometimes,thesituationswefind
ourselvesinwilldictatewhichfocuswehaveatthatparticularmoment.Forexample,anintimate
eveningspentwithyourromanticpartneristypicallyaboutseekinglove(apromotiongoal),whilean
afternoonspenttestingyoursmokealarmsistypicallyaboutseekingsafety(apreventiongoal).Atripto
aLasVegascasinoisusuallypromotion-focusedbecauseit’saboutgamblingtowinmoney—ifallyou
wantedwastoavoidlosingmoney,you’dprobablyjuststayhome.Atriptothedentist’schair,onthe
otherhand,isoftenprevention-focusedbecauseit’sabouttryingnottolosesomething—namely,your
teeth.It’sveryrare(thoughtechnicallypossible)towalkoutofthatofficewithmoreteeththanyouhad
whenyouwentin,butquitecommontowalkoutwithfewer.

Eventhoughweallsometimespursuebothtypesofgoals,it’salsotruethatmostofuscometohave

adominantfocus—wetendtothinkmoreaboutbeinglovedthanaboutstayingsafe,orcaremoreabout
beingsafethanaboutbeingloved.Whymightthatbe?Recentevidencesuggeststhatitmay,atleastin
part,beduetothewaysinwhichwewererewardedandpunishedbyourparents.Youmightthinkthat
peoplewhoenduppromotion-mindedwererewardedmore,andthatthosewhoareprevention-minded
werepunishedmore,butthat’snotthecase.It’sactuallythattheyarerewardedandpunisheddifferently.

Promotionparentingrewardschildrenbyshoweringthemwithpraiseandaffectionwhentheydo

somethingright,andwithholdinglovewhentheydosomethingwrong.WhenSusiecomeshomewith
anAonherpaper,MomandDadtellhersheiswonderfulandbeamwithpride.Whenshecomeshome
withaC,MomandDadshaketheirheadsandbecomedistant,offeringnoreassurance.Susielearns
quicklythatlivinguptoherparents’idealsforhergetshertheloveshewants,anddisappointingthem
leavesherfeelingsadandalone.Shecomestothinkabouthergoalsasopportunitiestogainsomething
—herparents’loveandapproval.Overtime,thisextendsbeyondherparentstobecomeherviewofthe

world—aplacewherewinnerstakeall.

Preventionparentinginvolvespunishingchildrenfordoingsomethingwrong,andrewardingthemfor

doingsomethingrightbynotpunishingthem.Inotherwords,whenyoudosomethingright,youstay
safe.WhenBillycomeshomewithaConhispaper,MomandDadhittheroof.Theyyellathim,
tellinghimthisgradeisunacceptable,andsendhimtohisroomwithoutdinner.Perhapsheisgrounded
aswell.WhenhecomeshomewithanA,nooneyells,Billygetsdinner,andhegetstokeephis
freedom.Billylearnsquicklythatifhedoesthethingshisparentsthinkheshoulddo,lifeispeaceful
andhestaysoutoftrouble.Whenhemakesmistakes,heanxiouslyawaitsthepunishmentheknows
he’llreceive.Hecomestothinkabouthisgoalsasopportunitiestoavoidlosses—tokeepbadthings
fromhappening.Overtime,thisextendsbeyondhisparentstobecomehisviewoftheworld—aplace
whereit’sbettertobesafethansorry.

Parentsaren’ttheonlyinfluencesonourpursuitofpromotionandpreventiongoals.BecauseWestern

culturestendtovalueindependenceandemphasizetheimportanceoftheindividual,theytypically
fosterpromotiongoals.TheAmericanDreamisaperfectillustrationofpromotion—it’saboutreaching
forthestars,takingrisks,goingfortheglory.Easterncultures,incontrast,tendtovalue
interdependenceandplacethegreatestimportanceonthegroupstowhichwebelong,likeourfamilies.
Whenpeoplethinkofthemselvesandtheirgoalsintermsofwhatisbestfortheirgroup,itfostersa
preventionfocus.Justplayingateamsportcangiveyouasenseofthis—whenotherpeople’shappiness
andwell-beingareatstake,youfeelresponsible.Youdon’twanttomakeanymistakes.Youwanttobe
someoneeveryonecancounton,andthatiswhatpreventionfocusisallabout.

ButasImentionedearlier,regardlessofthefactthatmostofushaveadominantfocus,it’salsotrue

thatourfocuscanchangeasaresultoftheparticularsituationwefindourselvesineachday.Some
goalsseemtoinherentlyhaveapromotionorpreventionfocus.Tryingtowinthelottery,ortakinga
vacationtotheCaribbean,issomethingthatmostofuswouldideallyliketodo.It’shardtoimagine
thinkingofeithergoalasadutyormatterofsafetyanddanger.Ifyoudon’twinthelotteryortakethe
vacation,it’snotsomethingyou’relikelytoworryabout.Ontheotherhand,takingyourchildtoget
vaccinatedispureprevention—it’sallaboutsafetyandcouldhardlybeconstruedasanachievement.
Gettingyourchildaflushotisnotsomethingyou’regoingtobragtoanyoneabout,andnoone’sgoing
toloveyouforit.

Atthispoint,youmightbethinkingthatthisisreallyinteresting(andIcertainlyhopeyouare),butat

thesametimeyoumaybewonderinghowusefulitis.Whydoesitmatterifwehaveonefocusorthe
other,ifweseeourgoalsasachievementsorasobligations?Toreallydojusticetothatquestion,I
probablyneedawholebook.Thedifferencebetweenpromotion-mindednessandprevention-
mindednesshasbeenshowntobeenormouslyimportantinalmosteveryaspectofourlives—itimpacts
thedecisionswemake,thestrategiesweuse,ourresponsestosetbacks,andourverysenseofwell-
being.ButI’vegottodothisinjustachapter,soI’lltrytotouchonwhatIthinkmightbethemost
usefulbitstoknow.

ThinkPositive!(Or,ThenAgain,MaybeNot)

Acoupleofchaptersago,ItoldyouabouttheExpectancyValueTheoryofmotivation.Thegistofitis
thatwhenwedecidewhetherornottopursueagoal,wearemotivatedbothbyhowlikelyweareto

succeed(theexpectancypart)andbyhowdesirabletheoutcomewillbe(thevaluepart).WhatIdidn’t
mentionisthatthesetwofactorsgetweightedalittledifferentlydependingonyourgoal’sfocus.When
youarepursuingapromotiongoal—somethingyouseeasanachievement—youaretryingtogain
something.Whenit’saboutgain,youaregoingtobemotivatedbothbyhighvalueandahigh
likelihoodofsuccess.Infact,themorevaluablethegoal,themoreyoucareaboutyourchancesof
success.That’sbecausemorevaluablegoalsusuallymeanabiggerinvestmentofyourtimeandeffort.
Ifyou’regoingtoexpendallthatenergytoreachit,yourchancesforsuccesshadbetterbegood.

Butwhenyouarepursuingapreventiongoal,youaretryingtoavoidaloss.It’saboutbeingsafe,

avoidingdanger.Ahigh-valuepreventiongoalisonewheresafetyreallymattersandwherefailureis
particularlydangerous.Sothemorevaluablethegoal,themoreyouwillseereachingitasanecessity.
Andconsequently,thelessyoucareaboutyourchancesofsuccess.Thinkaboutitthisway:ifit’sa
matteroflifeordeath(theultimatekindofpreventiongoal),doyoucareiftheoddsareagainstyou?If
therewereaone-in-a-millionchancethatatreatmentwouldcureyourterminalillness,wouldn’tyoudo
whateveryouhadtotogetyourhandsonitanyway?

Eveninmoremundane,everydaycircumstances,wefindevidencefordifferencesinhowpromotion-

andprevention-mindedpeoplethinkaboutexpectationsforsuccess.Forexample,inonestudy,college
studentswereaskedtoratehowlikelytheywouldbetoenrollinaparticularcourse.Someofthe
studentsweretoldthatahighgradeinthecoursewouldearnthementranceintoanhonorsociety,
makingthecoursemuchmorevaluableacademically.Forpromotion-mindedstudents,theirdecisionto
enrollwasbasedalmostentirelyonthegradetheythoughttheywouldget—thosewhothoughtthey
woulddowellenrolled,andthosewhothoughtthey’ddopoorlydidn’t.Amongprevention-minded
studentsthemorevaluablethecoursewas,thelesslikelytheyweretobasetheirdecisiontoenrollon
thegradetheythoughtthey’dget.Inotherwords,theywereviewingthecourseasanecessity,sothe
oddsofdoingwellinitmatteredless.Theyfelttheyhadtotry.

StayingMotivated

Youmightthinkthatonceyou’vecommittedtoagoalandstartedpursuingit,havinghighexpectations
forsuccessisthemostmotivatingforeveryone.Soencouragementshouldalwaysbewelcome.But
actually,itisn’t.Whenyou’retryingtoreachthegoalyou’vesetforyourself,promotionandprevention
focusescontinuetocreateverydifferentreactionstothepositive(ornegative)feedbackyoumight
receivealongtheway.

Thekindofmotivationyouhavewhenyouaretryingtoreachapromotiongoal—anachievementor

accomplishment—feelslikeeagerness,anenthusiasticdesiretoreallygoforit.Notsurprisinglythis
eagernessisheightenedbypositivefeedback—inotherwords,themoreyouseemtobesucceeding,the
moremotivatedyoubecome.Increasingconfidenceheightensyourenergyandintensity.Negative
feedback,ontheotherhand,dampensyoureagerness.Feelinglikeyoumightfailsapsyourmotivation.
Doubtingyourselftakesthewindrightoutofyoursails.

Inpursuitofpreventiongoals—seekingsafetyandsecurity—themotivationyouhavefeelslike

vigilance,adesiretostayclearofdanger.Vigilanceactuallyincreasesinresponsetonegativefeedback
ordoubtingyourself.There’snothingliketheloomingpossibilityoffailure,theveryreallikelihoodof
danger,togetyourpreventionjuicesflowing.

IsawthisdifferencefirsthandinastudyIconductedwithJensFörster,LorraineChenIdson,and

ToryHiggins.

Wegaveparticipantsasetofdifficultmultiple-solutionanagramstoworkon(e.g.,

NELMO,which,providedyoudon’thavetouseallfiveletters,canbeelm,one,mole,omen,lemon,
melon,etc.).Alltheparticipantsweretoldthatiftheyperformedwell,theycouldearnmoremoney.But
wealsomanipulatedtheirgoal’sfocus—thoseinthepromotionconditionweretoldthattheywouldbe
paid$4andcouldearnanextradollariftheyperformedabovethe70percentlevel,whilethoseinthe
preventionconditionweretoldthattheywouldbepaid$5butcouldloseadollariftheyperformed
below70percent.It’simportanttonotethatinbothcases,theparticipantswerepaid$4forscoring
below70percent,and$5forscoringabove70percent.Inbothcases,participantshadthesamegoal—
toearn$5ratherthan$4.Butthefocuswasdifferent—inonecase,itwasongaining$1,andinthe
other,itwasonnotlosing$1.Inonecase,it’sgettingthedollaryouwant,andintheother,it’skeeping
thedollaryououghtnottolose.

Abouthalfwaythroughthetask,wegaveeveryonefeedback.Wetoldthemthatsofartheywere

performingeitheraboveorbelowtheirtargetlevelof70percent.Sotheywereledtobelievethatthey
wereeitherwellontheirwaytosucceedingorpossiblyindangeroffailing.Followingfeedback,we
askedthemtotellushowlikelyitwasthattheywouldreachtheirgoalandalsomeasuredtheir
motivation.Twosetsofremarkablydifferentreactionsoccurred.Afterpositivefeedback,expectations
forsuccessinthepromotiongroupsoared,andsodidtheirmotivation.Butwhenthepreventiongroup
wastoldtheyweredoingwell,theirexpectationsdidn’tchangeatall,andtheirmotivationactually
decreased.

Afternegativefeedback,expectationsforsuccessinthepromotiongroupwentdownabitasyou

mightexpect,andsodidmotivation.Butinthepreventiongroup,expectationsdroppeddramatically.
Theseparticipantswerequitesuretheyweregoingtofail.Despitethatdrop,ormoreaccurately
becauseofit,motivationsurged!Sothenexttimeyouaretemptedtogiveyourprevention-minded
friendorcolleagueafewwordsofencouragement,youactuallymightwanttoreconsider.Youmaybe
doingmoreharmthangood.

Beforecontinuing,takeamomenttojotdownyouranswerstothefollowingquestionsinyour

notebookoronapieceofpaper.Remembertobehonest—therearenorightorwronganswers.

WhichGoalsAreYouGoodatReaching?

Answerthefollowingquestionsusingthisscale:

1.Howoftenhaveyouaccomplishedthingsthatgotyou“psyched”toworkevenharder?
2.Howoftendidyouobeytherulesandregulationsthatwereestablishedbyyourparents?
3.Doyouoftendowellatdifferentthingsyoutry?
4.IfeellikeIhavemadeprogresstowardbeingsuccessfulinmylife.

5.Growingup,didyouavoid“crossingtheline,”avoiddoingthingsyourparentswouldnot

tolerate?

6.Notbeingcarefulenoughhasgottenmeintotroubleattimes.

Tocalculateyourpromotionsuccessscore:Q1+Q3+Q4=?
Tocalculateyourpreventionsuccessscore:Q2+Q5+(6-Q6)=?

HowOptimistsandPessimistsAreMade

Whyaresomepeopleoptimistic?Oneratherobviousansweristhatsomeofthemhavegoodreasonto
be.Theyhavebeensuccessfulinachievingtheirgoalsinthepast,andtheirpastsuccessesgivethem
confidencewhenitcomestothefuture.It’salsotruethatsomepeoplearereallygoodatreaching
promotion-focusedgoalsinparticular,whileothersexcelatprevention.Thequestionsyoujust
answeredweretakenfromameasureHigginsandhiscolleagueshavedesignedtocapturethose
differences.Itidentifiespeoplewithahistoryofsuccessinpromotionorprevention—whatHiggins
callspromotionandpreventionpride.Bothkindsofpeoplehavegoodreasontobeoptimistic,and
thereforeyoumightexpectbothkindsofpridetopredicthigherlevelsofoptimism.Butyouwouldbe
wrong.

Successfulpreventiongoalpursuitrequiresustodampenorsuppressouroptimismintheserviceof

ourmotivation.Whenyouneedtobevigilant,youcan’taffordtobeconfident—nomatterhow
successfulyou’vebeeninthepast.Peoplewithahistoryofreachingtheirpreventiongoalsseemto
knowthisintuitively.InastudyIconductedwithToryHiggins,weaskedparticipantswhowerehighin
eitherpromotionorpreventionpridetocompletemeasuresofoptimismandwell-being.Wefoundthat
onlyahistoryofreachingpromotiongoalspredictedoptimism—peoplewhoweregoodatprevention
werehappytotellusabouttheirpastsuccesses,butwhenitcametopredictingsuccessinthefuture,
theywantednothingtodowithit.

Aninterestingdifferenceemergedwithrespecttowell-being,too.Ourmeasurestappedintotwo

sensesofpersonalwell-being—positiveviewsofyourself(“I’mgreat”)andfeelingsofmasteryand
competence(“I’vegottenthingsdone”).Peoplewhoaregoodatpromotiontoldusthattheywerehigh
inbothkindsofwell-being.Peoplewhoaregoodatpreventiononlyclaimedthelatter—theyadmitted
thattheyhadgottenthingsdoneinthepast,buttheywereuncomfortablebeingtoopositiveabout
themselves.Toomuchself-admiration,itseems,feelsdangeroustothem.Itisaluxurytheybelievethey
cannotafford.Andtheyareperfectlyright—ifyouarepursuingapreventiongoal,thestrategyof
“defensivepessimism”canbeenormouslyuseful.InherbookThePositivePowerofNegativeThinking,
psychologistJulieNorempointsoutthat:

Defensivepessimismismorethanjustpessimism.Settinglowexpectations—thinkingthat
thingsmightturnoutbadly—kicksoffareflectiveprocessofmentallyplayingthroughthe
possibleoutcomes.

Bythinkingabouteverythingthatcouldgowrong,defensivepessimistsarebetterpreparedtohandle

theobstaclesthatgetthrownintheirpath.Inpursuitofpreventiongoals,itisalsoarecipeforthe
greatestvigilance,andthereforethestrongestmotivation.

Sothenexttimeyouaretryingtolightafireundersomeonewithapreventionfocusandreallyget

themmotivated,thinkcarefullyabouttherolemodelsyouholdupforthemtoemulate.Typically,when
wewanttoinspiresomeone,wepointtotheachievementsoffamousindividuals,risktakerswho
“believedinthemselves,”suchasMichaelJordan,BillGates,andBarackObama.Foraprevention-
mindedperson,beingregaledwithstoriesofsuccessfulpeoplewithcan-doattitudesmayhavethe
oppositeeffectyouarelookingfor.Forexample,inonestudy,collegestudentswerepresentedwithone
oftwodifferentrolemodels.Thepositiverolemodelwasarecentgraduateintheirownmajorwhowon
ascholarshiptograduateschool,wasofferedseveralattractivejobpositions,andreportedthathewas
“extremelyhappywithlifeandwhereitisgoing.”Thenegativerolemodelwasalsoarecentgradin
theirmajorbutwithaverydifferentstory.Hewasn’tabletofindajobaftergraduationandhadbeen
workinginfast-foodplacesinordertoearnaliving.“Rightnow,”hesaid,“I’mdownaboutthings,not
surewheretogofromhere.”

Theresearchersfoundthatwhilethepromotion-mindedstudentsweremoremotivatedbythe

traditionalpositiverolemodel,thosestudentswhoviewedtheirgoalsintermsofpreventionweremore
inspiredbythenegativerolemodel.Intheweeksafterreadingabouttheunfortunategraduate,they
studiedharderforquizzesandexams,keptupmorewithreadingassignments,andprocrastinatedless.

Sowhilesomepeoplemaybemotivatedbytheaccomplishmentsoftheirheroes,othersappearmore
influencedbyacompellingcautionarytale.

InherexcellentbookBright-Sided:HowtheRelentlessPromotionofPositiveThinkingHas

UnderminedAmerica,authorBarbaraEhrenreichoffersavigorouscritiqueoftheAmericancultureof
illusoryoptimism.“Positivity,”shewrites,“isnotsomuchourconditionorourmoodasitispartofour
ideology—thewayweexplaintheworldandthinkweoughttofunctionwithinit.”Thebanishmentof
negativethinking,orevenrealisticthinking,Ehrenreichargues,hasplayedaninfluentialrolein
bringingaboutmanyofourcurrenttroubles—fromthepervasiveneedforprescriptionantidepressants
tothesubprimemortgage-inducedfinancialcrisis.“Avigilantrealism,”sheconcludes,“doesnot
foreclosethepursuitofhappiness;infact,itmakesitpossible.Howcanweexpecttoimproveour
situationwithoutaddressingtheactualcircumstancewefindourselvesin?”

AshearteningasEhrenreich’smessageistothoseofuswhoareuncomfortablewithtoomuch

positivethinking,it’seasytoendupfeelingabitconfused.Areallthosebooksthattoutoptimismand
theimportanceofself-confidencereallywrong?Istherereallynobenefittopositivethinking?Itseems
likesometimesoptimismisagoodthing,whileatothertimesitisrecklessandcounterproductive.Well,
nowthatyouunderstandthedifferencebetweenpromotionandpreventiongoals,youcanbetter
navigatetheconfusingseaofself-helpadvice.Optimismisindeedagoodthing,particularlyinpursuit
ofachievements,accolades,andbiggains.Amorepessimisticrealism,ontheotherhand,isinvaluable
inpursuitofsecurityoravoidingdisastrouslosses.Thegreatestmotivation,andconsequentlythebest
performance,istheresultofmatchingyouroutlooktothenatureofthetaskathand.

Promotion,Prevention,andPriorities

Whenyouseetheworldintermsofachievementorsafety,differentthingsmattertoyou.Youevenfind
differentkindsofproductsappealing.Youliterallyshopdifferently.Forexample,psychologistsLioba
WerthandJensFörsterfoundthatpromotion-mindedpeopletendtopreferproductsthatareadvertised
asluxuriousorcomfortable.Inonestudy,whenchoosingamongsunglassesandwristwatches,

promotion-mindedparticipantswereexcitedbyfeatureslike“fashionableearpieces”and“time-zone
settings”—attributesthatarehardlynecessarybutconveyasenseofcoolnessorsophistication.
Prevention-mindedpeople,onotherhand,aredrawntoproductsadvertisedassafeandreliable.They
preferredsunglasseswitha“longguaranteeperiod”andwristwatcheswith“securebuckles.”Inanother
study,prevention-mindedparticipantspreferredwashingmachinesadvertisedwiththeslogans
“establishedformanyyears”and“consumertestsprove:safeandreliable.”Thosewithapromotion
mind-setpreferredinsteadtohave“thenewesttechnologyavailable”and“lotsofnewfunctions.”

It’simportanttorememberthatyourfocuscanchangefrommomenttomoment,dependingonthe

situationyou’rein,andsotoowillyourpreferences.Forexample,whatyouarebuyingcantriggera
particularfocus—ifyouwantaproductthatwillkeepyourchildrenfromgettingintopoisonous
cleaningproducts,youwillhaveapreventionfocuswhilemakingyourchoice,becausethatisa
decisionthatisinherentlyaboutsafetyanddanger.Youwillwanttheestablishedandreliablecabinet
lockandwon’tcaremuchabouthowhipandtrendyitmaybe.Similarly,promotion-mindedpersons
maybuythemselvesaflashyredsportscarwithlotsofhigh-techtoys,butwhenitcomestobuying
theirteenagerherfirstcar,chancesaretheywillbethinkingaboutantilockbrakesandairbags.

YourFocusandYourFeelings

Whenyousetagoalforyourselfandreachit,youfeelgood.Thatmuchisobvious.Butwhatdoes
“good”feellike?Theanswerisinlargepartdeterminedbyyourgoal’sfocus.

Whenyourgoalisan

achievement,again,youfeelhappy—joyful,cheerful,excited,or,inthevernacularofatypical
teenager,totallystoked.It’sahigh-energykindofgoodfeelingtoreachapromotiongoal.It’savery
differentkindofgoodtoreachapreventiongoal.Whenyouaretryingtobesafeandsecure,toavoid
losingsomething,andyousucceed,youfeelrelaxed—calm,atease,peaceful.Youbreathethesweet
sighofrelief.Thisisamuchmorelow-energykindofgoodfeeling,butnotanylessrewarding.

Thefocusofyourgoalalsodeterminestheparticularkindofbadyoufeelwhenthingsgowrong.In

fact,Higginsfirstdiscoveredthedifferencebetweenpromotionandpreventionwhenhewastryingto
explainwhysomepeoplereactedtotheirfailureswithanxiety,whileothersreactedbysinkinginto
depression.Whenyouaregoingforgain,tryingtoaccomplishsomethingimportanttoyou,andyou
fail,youtendtofeelsadness—dejected,depressed,despondent.Asateenmightputit,totallybummed.
It’sthelow-energykindofbadfeeling—thekindthatmakesyouwanttolayonthecouchalldaywitha
bagofchips.Butfailingtoreachapreventiongoalmeansdanger,soinresponseyoufeelthehigh-
energykindsofbadfeeling—anxiety,panic,nervousness,andfear.Youfreakout.Bothkindsof
feelingsareawful,butverydifferentlyso.Andthestrategiesyouusetogetridofthosefeelings(orto
helpsomeoneelsegetridofthem)willbeverydifferent,too.

TheStrategiesThatFitYourFocus

Imagineforamomentthatyouareahunter,concealedinthebushesdeepintheforest,awaitingthe
appearanceofanunsuspectingdeer.Youheararustlingandseeaflashofbrowninthebrushsome

distanceaway—toofartoknowforcertainifitisadeer,someotherlessedibleortrophy-worthy
animal,orsimplythewindandyoureyesplayingtricksonyou.Youhaveachoice—shootordon’t
shoot.Consequently,therearefourpossibleoutcomes,dependingonthechoiceyoumake.Youcould
shootandberightthatitwasadeer,orshootandbewrong,wastingyourammunitionandscaringoff
anyactualdeerinthevicinity.Youcouldnotshootandjudgecorrectlythattherewasnodeer,ornot
shootandbewrong,missinganopportunitytobringhomeatrophybuck.

Psychologistsrefertothesekindsofscenariosasexamplesofsignaldetection,wheretheobjectisto

successfullydistinguishthe“signal”fromthe“noise.”Inotherwords,didyouseethedeerordidn’t
you?Wasitreallythere(thesignal),orwasitjustthewindinthebushes(thenoise)?Ifyousay“yes”
andyouarecorrect,that’scalled(appropriately,givenmyhuntingstory)ahit.Ifyousay“yes”andyou
arewrong,that’safalsealarm.Ifyousay“no,”andifyou’reright,that’sacorrectrejection,butif
you’rewrong,it’samiss.

Whenwepursuepromotiongoals,weareparticularlysensitivetothepotentialforhits—wewantto

reallygoforit.“Nothingventured,nothinggained”isaverypromotion-focusedphilosophy.Thereis
nothingworse,intheeyesofsomeonepursuingapromotiongoal,thanamiss(notshootingwhenthe
deerreallywasthere)becauseitrepresentsanopportunityforahitthatwassquandered.Sopeoplewho
arepromotion-mindedhaveahabitofsaying“yes”inthesesortsofsituations.Theyshoot.Theyhave
whatpsychologistscallariskybias—andasaresulttheywillendupwithnotonlyalotmorehits,but
alsoalotmorefalsealarms.Theymaybeabitmorelikelytotakedownadeer,buttheyarealsomore
likelytoscarethemallawaybyshootingatunsuspectingbushes.

Prevention-mindedpeople,ontheotherhand,arecautious.Theywanttobesuretheysawthedeer

beforetheyshoot,ratherthanriskmakingamistake.Theyreallyhatefalsealarms,ortakingachance
andhavingitturnouttobewrong.Soinpursuitofpreventiongoals,theytendtosay“no”more,or
havewhatpsychologistscallaconservativebias.Theydon’tshoot—theykeepwaiting.Theywon’t
scareawaythedeerorwasteanyammunition,buttheymaycomehomeempty-handedalittlemore
often.

Theseriskyandconservativebiasesmanifestthemselvesinallkindsofways.Forexample,people

withpreventiongoalsaremorereluctanttodisengagefromoneactivitytotryanother,vastlypreferring
thedeviltheyknowtotheonetheydon’t.

Buttheirconservativenaturealsomakesthemlesslikely

thantheirrisk-lovingpeerstoprocrastinate,forfearthattheywon’thavetimetogetthejobdone.

Whenpeoplehavepromotiongoals,theyfeelfreetobemoreexploratoryandabstractintheir

thinking.Theybrainstorm.Theygeneratelotsofoptionsandpossibilitiestoreachtheirideals.Theyare
muchmorecreative.Theyarealsoparticularlygoodatpickinguponconnectingthemesorsynthesizing
information.Inpursuitofpreventiongoals,suchabstractionandcreativityarerecklessandtime-
consuming.Ifyouwanttostayoutofdanger,youneedtotakeaction.Prevention-focusedthinkingis
concrete.Youpickaplanandsticktoit.Youattendtothespecifics.Consequently,peoplewhoare
prevention-mindedaregreatwithdetailsandhavebettermemoryforwhatthey’veseenandwhatstill
needstobedone.

Peoplewhoarepromotion-orprevention-mindedevenusedifferentstrategiesintheirsocial

relationships.Promotionfocusleadsustoseeourfriendshipsintermsofgain,soweuseeager
strategiesforfriendshipthatkeepthingspositive—likebeingsupportivetoyourfriendsormakingplans
tohavefuntogether.Prevention,ontheotherhand,leadsustoseerelationshipsintermsofpotential
losses,soweusevigilantstrategiestomaintainthem—likestayingintouchandnotlosingcontact.
Thesedifferencescanalsoemergewhenthingsinoursocialworldgowrong.

Unfortunately,everyonehashadtheexperienceatonetimeoranotherofbeingrejectedorfeelingleft

out.Interestingly,thewayyouareexcludedcandeterminewhetheryourespondwithpromotionor
preventionstrategies.PsychologistDanMoldenandhiscolleaguesconductedastudyinwhichpeople
weretoldtheywouldbeformingfriendsovertheInternet.

Eachparticipantbelievedthatheorshe

wascommunicatingviacomputerwithtwootherpeoplewhowerehiddenfromviewinneighboring
cubicles.Moldenthenvariedtheforminwhichtheparticipantwassociallyexcludedintheon-line
interaction—participantswereeitherexplicitlyrejectedbytheirnewcomputerfriendsorjustsimply
ignored.Intherejectioncondition,othermembersofthediscussionrespondedtotheparticipant’s
opinionswithstatementslike“Areyouforreal?”“Really,you’rekidding,right?”and“Idon’t
understandpeoplelikeyou.”Intheignoringcondition,theothertwostruckupaconversationafter
discoveringthattheyliveinadjacentlivingcomplexes,leavingtheparticipantcompletelyout.

Moldenfoundthatwhenpeoplearerejected(socialexclusionthatisexplicit,active,anddirect)they

feelasenseoflossthatleadstoprevention-focusedresponses.Thesepeoplefeelanxious,withdraw
fromthesituation,andfeelregretaboutthingstheysaidoractionstheytook.Whenpeoplearesimply
ignored(socialexclusionthatisimplicit,passive,andindirect)theyfeelafailuretoachieveasocial
gain,amissedopportunity,whichleadsthemtomorepromotion-focusedresponses.Theyfeelsadand
dejectedbutaremorelikelytoattemptreengagementandtoregretthingstheydidn’tsayandactions
theydidn’ttake.

UsetheStrategiesThatFit

Sopromotionandpreventionfocusespredisposeustousedifferentkindsofstrategiestopursueour
goals.Ifyouseeyourgoalintermsofpromotion,youaremorelikelytoseekwaystoadvanceanduse
riskierstrategies,onesthatreallygofor“hits”andinvolveactionsthatgetyouclosertoyourgoal.If
youseeintermsofprevention,youaremorelikelytobecarefulanduseconservativestrategies,ones
thatavoid“falsealarms”andinvolveactionsthathelpyoutoavoidmakingdangerousmistakes.But
that’snotthewholestory.Becauseitturnsoutthatmakingsureyouusethestrategythatfitsyourfocus
isreallyimportant.

Usingpreventionstrategiestoreachpreventiongoals,andpromotionstrategiestoreachpromotion

goals,givesyourmotivationanaddedboost.ToryHigginsarguesthat,ingeneral,usingtheappropriate,
best-fittingmeanstoreachagoaladdsextravaluetothegoal.Itjustfeelsright.Asthesayinggoes,it’s
notwhetheryouwinorlosebuthowyouplaythegame.“Playingthegame”wellmeansdoingitthe
waythatfeelsgoodandrighttoyou.DozensofstudiesbyHigginsandhiscolleagueshaveshownthat
whenwematchourstrategiestoourgoals,usingtheonesthat“feelright,”wearemoreengaged,
involved,andpersistmore.

Wearemorelikelytosucceedinreachingthem,andmorelikelytoenjoy

theprocessalongtheway.

OneexampleoftheimportanceofmatchingcanbeseeninastudyToryHigginsandIconducted,

alongwithAllisonBaerandNilesBolger,lookingathowpromotionandprevention-mindedpeople
copewiththechallengesintheirdailylives.Weaskedparticipantsinourstudytofilloutdailydiaries
forthreeweeks,tellingusabouthowtheycopedwiththeirmostdifficultproblemeachday.Wegave
themalistofpromotion-focusedcopingstrategies,suchas“Ilookedforadditionalmeanstoadvance
mygoals,”“IfocusedondoingthingsIknewIwouldlike,”and“Imadethedaybetterinotherwaysin
ordertomakeupfortheincident.”Prevention-focusedstrategiesincluded“Iwascarefulnottomake

anymoremistakes”and“Iavoidedanyothernegativeeventsthatday.”

Eventhoughbothwaysofdealingwithproblemscanbesuccessful,wefoundthatondayswhen

participantsusedcopingstrategiesthatmatchedtheirtypicalgoalfocus,theyweresignificantlyhappier
andlessdistressed.Mismatchedcopingstrategies,ontheotherhand,ledtolesshappinessandgreater
distress.Soit’snotenoughtotakeactionwhenyouencounteraproblemorsetagoal.Noteverykindof
copingwillworkforeveryperson.Youneedtotaketheactionthatfitsyourgoal,andunderstanding
howpromotionandpreventionworkcanhelpyoumakethebestchoice—theonethatfeelsright.

WhenOneGoal’sStrengthIsAnother’sWeakness

Becausepromotionandpreventiongoalsleadustousedifferentstrategies,therecanbetimeswhenone
kindofgoalismoreeffectivethantheother.Inotherwords,therearethingsthatwearereallygoodat
(orreallylousyat)whenwearefocusedoneitherpromotionorprevention.

Executinganymodestlycomplicatedtask,likereadingabookorpaintingaroom,involveswhat

psychologistscallaspeed-accuracytrade-off.Thefasteryougo,themoremistakesyoumake.But
goingslowhascoststoo—particularlyiftimeisvaluableandyouareinahurrytogetthejobdone.It
shouldn’tsurpriseyoutolearnthatpromotion-andprevention-mindedpeopleenduponoppositesides
ofthisparticulartrade-off.Inpursuitofpromotiongoals,wetendtofavorspeedoveraccuracy.It’s
bettertogetthewholehousepaintedevenifit’salittlepatchyandthere’squiteabitofpaintonthe
floor.IfIdon’tunderstandwhatI’vejustread,I’lljustkeepreadingandprobablycatchoneventually,
becauseIreallywanttofinishthisbook.

Whenourgoalsareaboutprevention,however,wemuchprefertogoslowlyandgetthejobdone

flawlessly.Ofcourse,it’sgoingtotakeforever,butthat’sapricetheprevention-mindedwillwillingly
pay.Andwhentheycomeacrossawrittenpassagetheycan’tunderstand,studiesshowthatprevention-
mindedpeoplefrequentlyengageinrereading,goingoverandoverthematerialuntilthey’vegraspedit.
Theyareslowerreaders,buttheydon’tmissathing.

(Interestingly,researchhasuncoveredone

instanceinwhichpreventionleadspeopletobereliablyfasterthanpromotion.Prevention-minded
driversjudgehigh-trafficsituationsasmoredangerousandarequickertohitthebrakes.

)

Thereisalsoevidencethatthetwokindsoffocusleadtodifferentratesofsuccessovertime.

Promotion-focusedgoalsleadtoenergeticandenthusiasticmotivationintheshortertermbutcanbe
lessadaptivewheninlong-termmaintenance.Prevention-focusedgoals,ontheotherhand,remindus
thatslowandsteadycansometimeswintherace.Forexample,intwostudiesthatlookedatsuccess
ratesinprogramsforsmokingcessationandweightloss,promotion-mindedpeoplehadhigherquitrates
andmoreweightlossinthefirstsixmonths,butprevention-mindedpeoplewerebetterabletonotlight
upandkeepofftheweightoverthefollowingyear.Thebeststrategymightbetoapproachadifficult
goalwithapromotionfocus,concentratingonwhatyouhavetogainbyquittingsmoking(orlosing
weight,orlandinganewjob),andthenonceyouhaveachievedit,tacklemaintenancewithaprevention
focussothatyourhard-earnedgaindoesn’tslipaway.

Whenyouhaveapreventionfocus,youareonthelookoutfortrouble.Becausepreventionfocus

leadsustobeparticularlysensitivetoobstaclesthatmightderailusfromourgoals,wearebetterat
resistingtemptationsanddistractionswhenwethinkaboutourgoalsintermsofwhatwehavetolose.
Surprisingly,researchshowsthatweactuallyenjoythepursuitofpreventiongoalsmorewhenthereare

distractionstoberesisted!

Inonestudy,whenamathtaskwasdisruptedbyvideoclipsofpreviewsof

upcomingfilmsandhumorousanimatedcommercials,participantswithapreventionfocusnotonly
performedbetterthanthosewithapromotionfocus,buttheyevenperformedbetterthanprevention-
focusedparticipantswhohadnodistractions.Inpursuitofpreventiongoals,thepresenceoftemptations
orobstaclesincreasesthemotivationtobevigilant,leadingtoevengreaterachievement.

Foronefinalexample,let’slookattheeffectofpromotionandpreventionontheartofnegotiation.

Whentwopartieshaggleoverprice,thebuyerneedstobalancehisdesiretonegotiatethelowest
possiblepricewiththeknowledgethatifhebidstoolow,thenegotiationmayfailandthesellerwill
walkaway.Inonestudy,psychologistAdamGalinskyandhiscolleaguesdividedfifty-fourM.B.A.
studentsintopairsandaskedthemtotakepartinamocknegotiationinvolvingthesaleofa
pharmaceuticalplant.

Onestudentwasassignedtheroleof“seller”andtheother“buyer,”andboth

weregivendetailedinformationaboutthecircumstancesofthesale,includingthefactthatthe
“bargainingzone”wouldrangefrom$17millionto$25million.Galinskythenmanipulatedthegoal
focusofthebuyers.Beforethenegotiationbegan,halfweretoldtotakeacoupleofminutesandwrite
down“thenegotiationbehaviorsandoutcomesyouhopetoachieve...thinkabouthowyoucould
promotethesebehaviorsandoutcomes,”givingthemapromotionfocus.Theotherhalfweretoldto
writedownthebehaviorsandoutcomes“youseektoavoid”andhowthey“couldprevent”them,giving
themapreventionfocus.

Eachpairbegantheirnegotiationwithanopeningbidfromthebuyer.Promotion-mindedbuyers

openedwithabidanaverageofnearly$4millionlessthanprevention-mindedbuyers.Theywere
willingtotakethegreaterriskandbidaggressivelylow,anditpaidoff.Intheend,promotionbuyers
purchasedtheplantforanaverageof$21.24million,whilepreventionbuyerspaid$24.07million.
Why?Galinskyarguesthatapromotiongoalleadsthenegotiatortostayfocusedontheir(ideal)price
target.Preventiongoals,however,seemtoleadtotoomuchworryingaboutanegotiationfailureor
impasse,leavingthebuyermoresusceptibletolessadvantageousagreements.Thisisanotheroneof
thosethingsthat’sworthtakingamomenttothinkabout—twonegotiators,eacharmedwithidentical
information,facingsimilaropponents,andyetoneoverpaysbynearly$4million.Theonlydifference
wasthatonewasthinkingaboutwhathehadtogain,whiletheotherwasthinkingaboutwhathehadto
lose.

Armedwithanunderstandingofpromotionandprevention,somuchofwhatwedo(andwhatour

friendsandfamilymembersdo)makesmuchmoresense.Perhapsnowyouseewhyyou’vealways
beenarisktaker,orwhyyou’vealwaysavoidedrisksliketheplague.It’sclearwhyyouare
uncomfortablewithbeingtoooptimistic,orwhyyouareknownforyourunshakeableconfidence.You
getwhysomethingshavealwaysbeenhardforyou,whileotherscameeasily.

Alongwiththisunderstandingofyourpast,younowknowhowtomakethemostofyourfuture—

howtoembraceyourpromotion-orprevention-mindednessanddothethingsthatwillincreaseyour
motivationandhelpyouachieveyourgoals.You’llfeelbetterignoringthewell-meaningadviceand
inputfromotherswhenitconflictswithyourgoal’sfocus.You’llknowhowimportantitistotrustwhen
something“feelsright,”andtousethatfeelingtoguideyoufromnowon.

WhatYouCanDo

•Promotionisforgain,preventionisforavoidingloss.Inthischapter,Itoldyouaboutthe

differencebetweengoalsthatarepromotion-focusedandthosethatarepreventionfocused.When
yourgoalhasapromotionfocus,youarethinkingofitasanachievementoranaccomplishment
—somethingyouwouldideallyliketoreach.Whenyourgoalhasapreventionfocus,youare
thinkingmoreintermsofsafetyanddanger—it’ssomethingyoufeelyououghttodo.More
generally,promotiongoalsareaboutmaximizinggains,andpreventiongoalsareaboutavoiding
losses.

•Optimismworksifyouarepromotion-minded.Ifyouareapromotion-mindedperson(orif

youhappentobepursuingapromotion-focusedgoal),havingconfidenceinyourselfand
thinkingpositivelywillhelpyoutoachieveyourgoals.Optimismisverymotivatinginpursuit
ofpromotiongoals—itenhancestheeagernessandintensitywithwhichwetackletheobstacles
inourpath.

•Optimismfailsifyouareprevention-minded.Ifyouareprevention-minded,ortryingtoavoid

aloss,toomuchoptimismisabadidea.Confidencereducesyourmotivationanddampensyour
vigilance.Infact,atouchofpessimismisprobablywhatwillserveyoubest—thereisnothing
liketheveryrealpossibilityofdangertogetyourpreventionjuicesflowing.

•Promotiongoalsgiveusarush,preventiongoalsgiveusrelief.Inpursuitofpromotiongoals,

wefeelhappyorjoyfulwhenwesucceed(“Woohoo!Iamawesome!”),andsadanddepressed
whenwefail(“Ugh,I’msuchaloser.”).Whengoalsareaboutprevention,wetendtofeelmore
calmandrelaxedwhenwesucceed(“Phew,Idodgedabulletthere.”),andmoreanxiousor
nervouswhenwefail(“Ohno!NowI’mreallyintrouble!”).

•Promotionlovesrisk.Promotiongoalscreateariskybias.Theymakeussay“yes!”to

everything,makeushatemissinganopportunity.Theyleadtogreatercreativityandexploratory
thinking.Promotion-mindedpeoplelovetogeneratenewideas,comeupwithnewoptions.They
preferspeedoveraccuracy.Theynegotiatewellbecausetheyaren’tafraidtomakeabold
openingmove.Theyseethebigpictureandseizethemoment.

•Preventionlovescaution.Preventiongoalsleadtoaconservativebias—makingusmorelikely

tosay“no”infearofmakingamistake.Theymakeuslesslikelytotrynewthingsorusenew
methodstoreachourgoals,butalsohelpusavoidprocrastinationthroughbetterplanning.
Prevention-mindedpeoplearedetail-oriented.Theyvalueaccuracyoverspeed.Theyperform
betterinthefaceofdistractionsandtemptations.Theydon’tletthingsslipthroughthecracks.

•Usetherightstrategy.Bothpromotionandpreventioncanleadtosuccess—theimportantthing

istoidentifyyourfocusandusethestrategiesthatfitwithyourfocus.Strategiesthatfityour
goalwillnotonlyleadtogreaterachievement,buttheyalsofeelright—makingyourjourneyto
successahappierandmoresatisfyingone.

•Examinethesituation.Remember,eventhoughmostofushaveatendencytoseeourgoalsin

termsofeitherpromotionorprevention,sometimesthesituationyoufindyourselfinwill
determineyourfocus.Soyou’llneedtostayawareofthatandchangeyourstrategiesfromtime
totimetofityourgoal.

CHAPTER5

GoalsCanMakeYouHappy

IGOTUPTHISMORNINGAROUNDFIVE.MYSONISANEARLYRISER,soIdraggedmyself
outofbed,madesomecoffee,andsettleddownonthecouchwithMaxandhisbottletowatchthelocal
NewYorknews.TodayawomannamedDeborahKoenigsbergerwasbeinghonoredas“NewYorkerof
theWeek”forherworkasfounderofHeartsofGold,acharitythatraisesmillionsofdollarseachyear
inprivatedonationstofeed,clothe,shelter,andcareforhomelessmothersandtheirchildren.They
providejobtrainingandeducationforboththemomsandthekids.Theythrowmonthlyparties,sponsor
artclasses,andorganizeoutings.Momswithjobinterviewsgetnewprofessionalwardrobes.Evenafter
theyhavefoundnewhomes,theycontinuetobesupportedandnurtured,remaininganactivepartofthe
HeartsofGoldfamily.

Here’sthething—DeborahKoenigsbergerisquiteclearlyaveryhappywoman.Shesimplyglows.

WhenthereporterforNY1askedheraboutherworkwithHeartsofGold,itwasobviousthatdespite
allthehardworkanddedicationittakestopullitalloff,shewouldn’thaveitanyotherway.Hereyes
sparkled.Shesmiledfromeartoear.Hearingherstorysnappedmerightoutofmymorningstupor.It
inspiredme—andnotonlybecausethemissionofHeartsofGoldissocritical,andtheplightofthe
womenandchildrenitservessomoving.IlookedatDeborahKoenigsberger’sfaceandthoughtto
myself,“Iwanttobehappylikethat.”

Achievinganygoalwillgenerallygiveyouatleastamomentofhappiness.Butthereishappiness—

thatpleasantbutoftenfleetingsensationofgoodness,andthenthereishappiness—thehead-to-toe
feelingoflastingwarmthandwell-beingthatcomesfrompursuingcertainkindsofgoals.Ihavethat
kindofhappinessinmylifefromtimetotime,andyoualmostcertainlydo,too.Whenwefallinlove,
whenwespendspecialtimeswithclosefriendsandfamily,whenweaccomplishanactofpersonal
growth,whenwegiveselflesslyofourtimeorresourcestopeoplewhoneedourhelp—whetherit’sa
co-worker,aneighbor,orastrangeratthesoupkitchen,wefeelreallyandtrulyhappy.AsI’vegotten
olderandlearnedmoreaboutmyself,bothasapsychologistandaperson,Ihavemadechoicesthat
havebroughtmoreofthatkindofhappinessintomylife.ButIcertainlycoulduseevenmoreofit,and
I’mguessingyoucould,too.

Formingmeaningfulrelationships,growinganddevelopingasaperson,givingbacktoyour

community—theseallseemlikeveryadmirablegoalstopursue.Buttheirvalueliesinmorethanjust
theirnobility.Seekingfame,wealth,andadoration,ontheotherhand,isdecidedlylessnoble.It’s
perfectlyunderstandable,andalltoocommon(particularly,itseems,intheageof“reality”television),
butnotreallyveryadmirable.Asitturnsout,it’salsonotverygoodforyou.Peoplewhosegoalsareall
aboutimagemaintenanceandfinancialgaintendtohavefarlesshappinessintheirlives,evenifthey
succeedinbecomingrichandfamous.Butwhyisthat?Shouldn’treachingyourgoals,nomatterwhat
theyare,makeyounotjusthappy,buthappy?

Actually,no.Itturnsoutthatsomegoalsaremuchbetterforusthanothers,becausetheynourishour

essentialneedsashumanbeings.Theymakeourinnerlivesricher,enhancingourownsenseofself-

worthinsteadofleavingustoseekworthandvalidationintheeyesofothers.Andtobetrulyhappy
(andoptimallymotivated),it’snotonlythecontentofyourgoalthatmatters—it’salsothesource.Are
youenduringthepressuresandstressesofmedicalschoolbecauseyouwantto,orbecauseyourparents
wantyouto?Areyouworkinghardonthatprojectbecauseyouwantittosucceed,orbecauseyourboss
toldyouto?Peoplewhopursuegoalsbecauseofexternalpressures,evennobleandworthwhilegoals,
notonlydon’tworkashard,buttheydon’tworkaswell—theyusestrategiesthataresuperficial,ones
thatwilljust“getthemby.”Thesearethemanystudentsinmyclasseswhoneveropenthebookall
semesterandthencramthenightbeforetheexam.Theymightpassmycourse,butafewmonthslater
theywon’trememberathingtheylearnedinit.

Achievingagoalisn’teverything—whatyouwantandwhyyouwantitmatterjustasmuchinthe

longrun.Inthischapter,you’lllearnwhetherthegoalsyou’vebeenpursuinginyourlifearereally
goodforyou.Andyou’llseehowexternalpressures—includingrewards—cansometimesundermine
yourhappinessandthehappinessofthoseyoucareabout.

WhatWeReallyNeed

Throughoutthehistoryofourscience,psychologistshaveenjoyedarguingaboutthenatureandnumber
offundamentalhumanneeds—themotivationsthatallhumanbeingshaveandmustsatisfyinorderto
havepsychologicalwell-being.Thisissomethingweareapttodoeveninbarsoratparties.(Bewareof
invitingpsychologiststoyourparties.)

Somehaveproposedamerehandfulofneeds,whileothershavecomeupwithasmanyasforty.But

whilethereareareasoflivelydebate,mostpsychologistsagreeontheimportanceofthethreeinnate
needsproposedbyEdwardDeciandRichardRyanintheirSelf-DeterminationTheory.

Accordingto

DeciandRyan,allhumanbeingsseekrelatedness,competence,andautonomy.

Relatednessisthedesiretofeelconnectedtoandcareforothers—toloveandbeloved.It’sthe

reasonweformfriendshipsandintimaterelationshipsthroughoutourlives.It’swhywefeelpainand
sadnesswhenthoserelationshipsend,andlonelywhenweseekbutcan’tfindthem.It’swhywejoin
clubs,postourprofileson

Match.com

,andspendwaytoomuchtimeonFacebook.Goalsthathaveto

dowithmakingconnections—gettingtoknownewpeople,nurturingandstrengtheningthebondsyou
alreadyhavewiththepeopleinyourlife,contributingtoyourcommunity—thesegoalsfeedyourneed
forrelatednessinmuchthesamewaythatwaterquenchesyourthirstorfooddiminishesyourhunger.
Butwhileyoucanclearlyeatordrinktoomuch,theredoesn’tseemtobesuchathingas“toomuch
relatedness”—wecanalwaysbenefitfromnewordeeperconnections,fromagreatersenseof
belonging.

Thedesireforcompetenceisaboutbeingabletohaveaneffectonyourenvironmentandbeingable

togetthethingsyouwantoutofit.Intelligenceisakindofcompetence,butbynomeanstheonlyone.
Beinggoodatjustaboutanythingcangiveyouasenseofcompetence.Social,physical,emotional,
artistic,organizational,andcreativeskillscanbejustasimportantassmartnesswhenitcomesto
makingthingsinlifegoyourway.Theneedforcompetencedrivesourcuriosity,ourinnatemotivation
tolearn,thepridewefeelwhenweaccomplishsomethingdifficult.It’swhyweoftenthinkofourselves
intermsofthethingswearegoodat(asin“I’mclever,”“I’mfunny,”or“I’magoodlistener”).Goals
thatareaboutincreasingyourabilitytomakethingshappeninyourlife—developingaskill,learning

somethingnew,growingasaperson—thesearethegoalsthatfeedyourneedforcompetence.Andlike
relatedness,theredoesn’tseemtobeadownsidetocompetence.Youreallycanneverbetoogoodat
anything.

Thelastbasicneed,autonomy,isaboutfreedom.Specifically,it’saboutchoosingandorganizing

yourownexperiences.It’saboutbeingabletodothingsbecauseyoufindtheminterestingorappealing,
becausetheyspeaktosomethingaboutyourownnature.Autonomyisfeelinglikeyouare,to
paraphraseourformerpresident,thedecider.It’sknowingyouarethechessplayer,notthepawn.When
wearemotivatedbyourowndesires,freelyengaginginsomeactivityoutofinterestratherthanfeeling
pressuredbyanythingoranyone,psychologistscallthatintrinsicmotivation.Itis,byfar,theverybest
kindofmotivationtohave(andI’llhavemoretosayonthatlater).Andwhileyoumaynothavebeen
surprisedtolearnthatpeopleneedotherpeople,orthatpeopleneedtobegoodatthings,you’ve
probablyneverfullyappreciatedjusthowmuchpeopleneedfreedom,orhowalackoffreedommaybe
robbingyouofyourhappiness.

WhatWeReallyDon’tNeed

AsImentionedearlier,notallgoalsleadtolastingfeelingsoftruesatisfactionandwell-being,and
that’sbecausenotallgoalssatisfyourneedsforrelatedness,competence,andautonomy.Whichones
do?Ingeneral,goalsthatareaboutmaking,supporting,orstrengtheningrelationshipsdo.Sodogoals
thatfocusonpersonalgrowth,physicalhealth,orself-acceptance—addressingyourshortcomingsor,if
theycan’tbehelped,simplycomingtotermswiththem.Goalsthathavetodowithcontributingtoyour
communityorhelpingothersalsofulfilltheseneeds.

Herearethegoalsthataren’tgoingtohelpyouachievelastingwell-being:becomingfamous,seeking

poweroverothers,orpolishingyourpublicimage.Anygoalthatisrelatedtoobtainingotherpeople’s
validationandapprovalorexternalsignsofself-worthisn’tgoingtodoitforyou,either.Accumulating
wealthforitsownsakealsowon’tleadtorealhappiness(thisisnottosayyoushouldn’tcareabout
moneyatall,justthatbeingrichisn’tasuretickettoahappylife).Butwhydowepursuethesegoalsso
frequentlyiftheywon’treallymakeushappy?

Well,onereasonisthatwetendtobelievetheywillmakeushappy.Manyofuslaborunderthe

delusionthatrichandfamouspeopledon’thaverealproblems,despitethefactthatgivingthisevena
momentofseriousthoughtwouldforceustoadmitthatifanything,theoppositeistrue.Richand
famouspeoplehavetonsofproblems.Foreveryhappy,well-adjusted,andsuccessfulcelebrityyoucan
thinkof,Ibetyoucannamefivemorewhosufferfromvariousaddictions,astringoffailed
relationships,andwhatappearstobeanabundanceofinsecurityandself-loathing.

PsychologistsDeciandRyanarguethatweturntothesesuperficialgoals,theseexternalsourcesof

self-worth,whenourneedsforautonomy,relatedness,andcompetencearethwartedagainandagain.
Thiscanhappenwhenwefindourselvestrappedinsituationsthataretoocontrolling(robbingusofour
senseofpersonalfreedom),overchallenging(robbingusofoursenseofcompetence),orrejecting
(robbingusofoursenseofrelatedness).Inotherwords,whenweareundertoomuchpressureordenied
choices,whenwefeelwecan’tdoanythingright,andwhenwearelonelyandlackmeaningful
relationshipswithothers,weturntogoalsthataren’tverygoodforusasakindofdefensivestrategy.
“IfIcan’tgettheloveIneedinmylife,thenI’llbecomerichandfamousandpeoplewilllovemefor

that.”Theirony,andtragedy,ofthisstrategyisthatthepursuitoffame,wealth,andpopularitypretty
muchguaranteesthatyourbasicneedsaren’tgoingtobemet.Thesegoalsarelousysubstitutesforthe
goalswereallyshouldbepursuing.They’llkeepyoubusybutnevermakeyoutrulyhappy.

WhoseGoalIsThis,Anyway?

Untilquiterecently,mynephewHarrisonlovedtoread.Hismotherwouldoftenfindhimcurledupwith
oneofthebooksfromhisbookshelf,happilythumbingthroughthepagesofastoryaboutpiratesor
wizards.ForthelastfewChristmases,hisgiftwishfrommehasbeenagiftcardtoBordersorBarnes&
Noble,sohecouldspendanafternooncarefullyselectingnewvolumestoaddtohiscollection.Butin
thelastyear,Harrisonhasrarelypickedupabookunlesshehadto.Ironically,heoftendoeshaveto—
thisyear,oneofhisfifth-gradeteachersassignedallhisstudentstoreadforaminimumofthirty
minuteseveryschoolnight.Eachstudentneedsaparenttosignapapereverynight,testifyingthatthe
requiredreadingwascompleted.Mysister-in-law,Paula,noticedthatsoonafterthemandatoryreadings
began,Harrisonstartedlookingupfromhisbookandimpatientlywatchingtheclock,eagerforthe
thirtyminutestobeover.Thesameboywhowouldreadonhisownforhourswithoutrewardsor
proddingisnowanxioustodoanythingbutread.Inhismind,readinghasbecomesomethingyoudo
becauseyouhaveto.

WhenPaulatoldmeaboutthismandatoryreadingassignment,Ihittheceiling.I’msurehisteacher

meanswell—obviouslyIunderstandhowimportant(anddifficult)itistogetkidstoread,andassigning
awholelotofreadingisonewaytodothat.Butatwhatcost?Inthisinstance,thecostwasmy
nephew’snaturalandinnatemotivationtoread—amotivationthatwouldservehimwellthroughouthis
lifetimeifithadbeenprotectedandallowedtoflourish.

Yousee,inadditiontochoosingthekindsofgoalsthatcanleadtolastingwell-being,orwhat

psychologistMartinSeligmancalls“authentic”happiness,

wefindthegreatestmotivationandmost

personalsatisfactionfromthosegoalsthatwechooseforourselves.Infact,asImentionedearlier,self-
chosengoalscreateaspecialkindofmotivationcalledintrinsicmotivation—thedesiretodosomething
foritsownsake.Whenpeopleareintrinsicallymotivated,theyenjoywhattheyaredoingmore.They
finditmoreinteresting.Theyfindthattheyaremorecreative,andtheyprocessinformationmore
deeply.Theypersistmoreinthefaceofdifficulty.Theyperformbetter.Intrinsicmotivationisawesome
initspowertogetandkeepusgoing.

Intrinsicmotivationisenhancedwheneverweareallowedtomakeourownchoicesanddetermine

ourowncourseofaction.Infact,justfeelinglikeyouaremakingyourownchoices,regardlessof
whetherornotyouareactuallymakingthem,willusuallydothetrick.DeciandRyanrefertosituations
wherepeoplehavechoices,orjusttheillusionofchoices,as“autonomy-supportive.”Thisisavery
helpfulpieceofinformationforparents,teachers,coaches,employers,andprettymuchanyoneelse
whohastomotivatesomeone,regardlessofageorcircumstances.Forexample,inonestudyofnearly
threehundredeighth-totenth-gradeboysandgirls,thosewhoratedtheirgymteacherasmore
autonomy-supportive(agreeingwithstatementssuchas“Ifeelmyphysicaleducationteacherprovides
mewithchoicesandoptions”and“IfeelthatmyP.E.teacheracceptsme”)reportedgreaterenjoyment
ofexercise.Theywereevenmorelikelytodophysicalactivityoutsideofschoolintheirownfreetime.

Believingthatyouareexercisingingymbecauseyouwantto,becauseofchoicesyouhavemade,

createspositivefeelingsaboutexercise,aswellasasenseofpersonalcontrol.Andifyoufeelgood
aboutexercising,thenitmakessensethatyouwouldchoosetodoitoutsideofgymclass,too.

Againandagain,researchhasshownthatwhenpeoplefeeltheyhavechoices,andthattheyarean

integralpartofcreatingtheirowndestiny,theyaremoremotivatedandsuccessful.Obeseparticipantsin
aweight-lossstudywhofeltthatthestaffwasautonomy-supportivelostmoreweight,exercisedmore
regularly,andmaintainedbetterweightlossatatwenty-three-monthfollow-upthanthosewhofelt
controlledbythestaff’sdecisions.

Similarresultshavebeenshownforparticipantsindiabetes-

managementandsmokingcessationprograms,

aswellasforpatientsinalcoholtreatmentand

methadonemaintenance.

PeopleareevenbetteratkeepingtheirNewYear’sresolutionswhentheyfeel

thattheresolutionsreflecttheirownpersonaldesiresandvalues.

Autonomyisparticularlycriticalwhenitcomestocreatingandmaintainingstudentmotivation.

Studentsperceivetheirteacherstobeautonomy-supportivewhenthoseteachersfocusonthestudents’
needs,askaboutandfosterstudents’interestsbyprovidingresources,andareflexibleandaccessible.
Autonomy-supportiveteachersgivestudentschoicesandcreateopportunitiesforshareddecision
making.Theyhelpstudentstounderstandandpersonallyembracetheschool’svaluesandagenda.In
contrast,“controlling”teachersuseincentivesthathavenothingtodowithwhatisbeinglearned—like
rewardsandpunishments—tomotivatestudents.Theymakeallthedecisionsandrarelyoffer
explanations.Theyexpectstudentstobepassivelearnersofwhateveritisthey’vedecidedtoteach.In
dozensofstudies,psychologistshaveshownthatstudentswithautonomy-supportiveteachersaremore
likelytostayinschool,getbettergrades,demonstrateenhancedcreativityandapreferencefor
challenges,andexperiencegreaterinterestandenjoymentintheclassroom.

Whenstudents’basicneed

forautonomyissatisfied,theylikelearning,andtheylearnalotmore.

Ontheotherhand,whentheneedforautonomyisthwarted,theoppositepatternemerges.Students

whooncelovedlearningforitsownsake,whowereintrinsicallymotivatedlikemynephewHarrison,
willabandonthesepursuitswhentheyfeeltoocontrolled.Intrinsicmotivationis,unfortunately,a
somewhatfragilecreature.Thiswasnicelyillustratedbyoneoftheearlieststudiesontheeffectsof
rewardsonchildren’sspontaneousmotivationtoplay.PsychologistsMarkLepper,DavidGreen,and
RichardNisbettobservedhowoftenandforhowlongagroupofthree-tofive-year-oldpreschoolers
chosetoplaywithsetsofspecialmarkersduringtheirfreeplaytime,whenmanyothertoyswerealso
available.Next,theytoldsomeofthechildrenthattheycouldearnafancy“GoodPlayerAward”for
drawingpictureswiththemarkers(theotherchildrenwerenotofferedthereward).Notsurprisingly,
thoseofferedtheawardplayedwiththemarkersforevenlongerthantheydidwhennorewardhadbeen
given.Soyoumightthinkthattherewardsweremotivating,andinasenseyouwouldberight.The
reallyinterestingpartcameseveralweekslater,though,whenthepsychologistsreturnedwiththe
specialmarkersandfoundthatthosewhohadbeengivenarewardtoplaywithmarkerswerenowno
longerinterestedinthematallwhennoprizewasinvolved.Theirintrinsicmotivationtoplaywiththe
markerswasdestroyedbythereward—markersbecamesomethingyouplaywithonlywhenyouget
somethinginreturn.Theirbehaviorbecame,inasense,controlledbythereward.Thechildrenwhohad
neverbeenrewarded,ontheotherhand,continuedtoplaywithmarkersfortheirownsake,justasthey
hadbefore.Theirintrinsicmotivationhadbeenleftintact—markersremainedsomethingyouplaywith
becauseyouchooseto.

Lestyouthinkthatrewardsarealwaysbadandwillalwaysdestroymotivation,letmetakeamoment

toreassureyou.Somerewardsseemtobeokay.Rewardsthatareunexpectedarefine,asarethosethat
aren’tcontingentonperformance.Sowhenthepreschoolersweresurprisedbyarewardattheendof

play,orwhentheywererewardednomatterwhattheychosetoplaywith,theirinnateloveofmarkers
remainedunharmed.Verbalrewards,likesayinggoodjobornicework,alsodon’tappeartobeto
undermining.Andofcourse,rewardsremainanexcellentwaytomotivatesomeonewhenintrinsic
motivationisn’tanissue—when,forexample,thetaskisboringortediousandthereisnoinnate
interestandenjoymenttodestroy.

Rewardsaren’ttheonlythingsthatcanundermineintrinsicmotivation,either.Threats,surveillance,

deadlines,andotherpressuresalsodothetrick,becauseweexperiencethemascontrollingandno
longerfeelwearecompletelyincharge.Unfortunately,mostworkenvironmentsarefilledwiththese
undermininginfluences—eatingawaylittlebylittleatpeople’ssenseofpersonalinvestmentinwhat
theydo.Providingafeelingofchoiceandacknowledgingpeople’sinnerexperienceshiftstheirsenseof
controlback—itmakesthemfeelliketheyaretheoriginoftheirownactions,andreturnstothemtheir
senseofautonomy.So,sincerewards,threats,deadlines,andotherconsequencesofouractionsarea
factoflife,it’sessentialthatwelearnhowtocreateautonomy-supportiveenvironmentsandprotectour
intrinsicmotivation.Here’show.

HowtoCreatetheFeelingofChoice

Intrinsicmotivationthriveswhenpeopleareallowedtomaketheirownchoicesanddecidefor
themselveswhatactionstheywilltakeandwhichgoalstheywillpursue.Unfortunately,letting
everyonemakealltheirownchoicesallthetimejustisn’tpossible.Sometimesyouneedpeopletodo
whatyoutellthemtodo.Studentsandemployeesneedtobegivenassignments.Childrenlackbothlife
experienceandfullydevelopedbrains,sotheyoftenneedtheirparents’guidancetomakethebest
decisions.Howcanwedoleoutassignmentsandencouragetheadoptionofparticulargoalswithout
destroyingwhateverintrinsicmotivationmayalreadyexist?Itturnsoutthatitisn’tsomuchactual
freedomofchoicethatmattersbutthefeelingofchoice.Choiceprovidesasenseofself-determination,
evenwhenchoiceistrivialorillusory.Fortunately,thefeelingofchoicecanbecreatedfairlyeasily.

TakeforexampleonestudyinwhichpsychologistsDianaCordovaandMarkLeppergaveyoung

childrenthefeelingofchoiceinalearninggame.

Thisparticularinterventionwasspecificallyaimedat

childrenbecauseresearchshowsthatintrinsicmotivationgoesdownsteadilyinschoolfromthirdgrade
tohighschool.Youngchildrenlovetolearn,butthisinnateloveoflearningdisappearsslowly
throughoutadolescence.Figuringouthowthistrendcanbehalted,orevenreversed,iscritically
important.Tothatend,CordovaandLeppergavestudentsacomputermathlearningprogramwitha
science-fictiontheme.Theprogramwasdesignedtoteachthemaboutmathematicalorderofoperations
(e.g.,whensomeonegivesyouaproblemlike6+4x5-3=?youaresupposedtodothe
multiplicationbeforetheadditionandsubtraction).Sointhisinstance,asisusuallythecasewithmost
classroomactivities,whatwaslearnedwasdeterminedforthechild,withoutanyfreedomofchoice.
However,somestudentswereofferedchoicesover“instructionallyirrelevant”aspectsofthelearning
activity.Inthefeeling-of-choicecondition,studentsgottochoosetheiconthatrepresentedtheminthe
computergamefromasetoffouroptions.Theygottonametheirspaceship.Theywerealsoableto
choosetheiconrepresentingtheiralienenemyandtonamethealien’sspaceship.Thestudentsinthe
no-choiceconditionplayedthesamegame,excepttheiconsandnameswerechosenforthembythe
computer.

CordovaandLepperfoundthatinthefeeling-of-choicecondition,studentslikedthegamemuch

moreandwerefarmorelikelytobewillingtostayafterclasstocontinueplaying,eventhoughitmeant
givingupvaluablerecesstime.Thechildrenwhoexperiencedchoice,eventhoughthechoicewas
completelyirrelevanttowhattheywerelearning,alsousedmorestrategicmovesandscored
significantlyhigheronasubsequentmathtestmeasuringwhattheyhadlearned.Theyreportedgreater
confidenceintheirownabilityandsaidthattheywouldenjoyamorechallengingversionofthegame
inthefuture.Creatingafeelingofchoice,evenwhenthechoicesaren’tparticularlymeaningful,
satisfiesourneedforautonomyandnurturesourintrinsicmotivation,creatingbothafarbetter
experienceandafarsuperiorperformance.

Creatingafeelingofchoiceisn’tsimplyawaytoincreasemotivation.Infact,evidencesuggeststhat

satisfyingourneedforautonomyisvitaltoourpsychologicalwell-being.Perhapsthebestillustration
ofthiscomesfromthelandmarkstudyconductedintheearly1970sbypsychologistsEllenLangerand
JudyRodin.

LangerandRodinbelievedthattherapidlydeterioratingmentalandphysicalhealthof

manyoftheelderlyresidinginnursinghomeswasatleastinpartaconsequenceoflivinginatotally
“decision-free”environment.Atthetime,mostnursinghomeresidentsexperiencedverylittlechoiceon
aday-to-daybasis.Everythingfromtheirmealstotheirleisureactivitiesandevenpersonalgrooming
androomcleaningwasscheduledandcarriedoutwithalmostnoinputoreffortfromtheresident.Even
inhomeswheretheelderlywerelovinglycaredforandattendedto,thelackofautonomywasstriking.

TheinterventiondesignedbyLangerandRodinwassimple.Someoftheresidentsweregathered

togetherbythechiefadministratorandtoldthattheyshouldfeelfreetodecidehowtheywantedtheir
roomsarranged,choosehowtospendtheirtimefromawidevarietyofactivitiesavailable,andmake
theircomplaintsknowntothestaffsothatanythingtheydidn’tlikecouldbechanged.Theywerealso
giventheoptionofcaringforaplant,entirelyontheirownandwithoutassistancefromstaff.The
administratoremphasizedthatthechoices,andtheresponsibilities,werethoseofeachindividual
resident’s.

Thecomparisongrouptechnicallyhadthesameoptions,buttheyweredescribedintermsof

“permissions,”ratherthanfreechoices(asin,“Youarepermittedtovisitpeopleonotherfloors”rather
than“Youcanchoosetovisitpeopleonotherfloorsifyouwantto”).Residentsinthisgroupwere
remindedhowthestaffhadworkedhardtomakethingsniceforthem,andhowthestafffeltitwastheir
responsibilitytomaketheresidentshappy.Insteadof“letusknowwhatyouwanttochange”itwas“let
usknowhowwecanhelpyou.”Plantsgiventoresidentswerewateredandcaredforbythenurses,
ratherthantheirowners.

Theresultsoftheinterventionweredramatic.Thoseinthefeeling-of-choicegroupreportedthatthey

werehappierandfeltmoreactivethanthosewhohadtheirchoicesobviouslymadeforthem.Theywere
ratedbythenursesasmorealertandashavingmentalandphysicalimprovement,whilethehealthofthe
no-choicegroupdeteriorated.Thechoicegroupspentmoretimevisitingotherpatients,visiting
nonresidents,andtalkingtostaff.Atafollow-upeighteenmonthslater,nursesratedthisgroupas
happier,moreactivelyinterested,moresociable,self-initiating,andvigorous.Perhapsthemost
remarkableresult—intheinterveningeighteenmonths,15percentofthechoicegroupdied,compared
to30percentoftheno-choicegroup.Themortalityratewaseffectivelycutinhalf,simplybyletting
peoplewatertheirownplantsanddecideforthemselveshowtheywantedtheirfurniturearranged,and
iftheywantedtoplaybingoorwatchamovie.AsIsaidbefore,mostofusunderestimatetherolethat
freedomofchoiceplaysinourwell-beingandhappiness,butwefeelitsconsequencesregardless.

HowtheGoalsYouAreGivenBecomeYourOwn

Theothergreatthingaboutgivingpeopleasenseofchoiceandautonomywhenyouassignthema

goalisthatitisbyfarthebestwaytogetthemtoeventuallyfreelyadoptthegoalastheirown.
Psychologistsrefertothisprocessasinternalization.Itiswhathappenswhenpeopletakeexternally
basedrulesandrequestsandcometopersonallyendorsethemasvalues.It’swhathappenswhen
childrenembracetheidealsandadviceoftheirparentsastheirown.It’swhathappenedtome,whenI
wentfrombeingsomeonewhosemotherhadtoyellatherabouttrackingmudinthehousetosomeone
whoyellsatherowndaughterfortrackingmudinthehouse.Alongtheway,Iinternalizedmymother’s
reverenceforcleanlinessandhergoalofkeepingacleanhouse.(Well,notcompletely.Istilldon’tlive
uptomymother’sstandards.Butshe’sGerman,andinmyexperienceGermanstakecleanlinesstoa
wholeotherlevel.Therewasnosurfaceinourhouseyoucouldn’teatoffof—notthatyouwereactually
allowedtoeatanywhereotherthanthetable.Idon’tthinkIevenknewwhatdustlookedlikeuntilI
wenttocollege.ButIdigress.)

Internalizationisfacilitatedwhenourbasicneedsaresupported.Itoccurswhenweareexperiencing

feelingsofrelatednesstoothers—betheyourparents,ourfriends,orouremployers.Italsorequiresthat
youfeelcompetentwithrespecttothevaluebeinginternalized—thatitissomethingyoucanliveupto.
Themainreasonthatmycleanlinessstandardsaren’tquiteashighasmymother’sisprobablythatI
can’tactuallypullitoff.(Isuspectthereismagicinvolved.)Feelingsofrelatednessandcompetenceare
greatlyenhancedwhenweareabletounderstandtherationalebehindthevalue—inotherwords,when
someoneexplainswhythegoalissoimportant.Understandingisabsolutelycriticalforinternalization.
Excessivecontrolsorpressurescandisruptthisprocess,robbingindividualsoftheirsenseofautonomy
andensuringthatthegoalremainssomethingtheypursueonlyiftheyhaveto.Inmycase,mymother
notonlywenttogreatlengthstoexplaintomethevalueandimportanceofcleanliness(includingmany
referencesto“whatpeoplewillthink”),butshealsomademeresponsibleforcleaningmyroomentirely
onmyown.KeepingmyroomlookingnicewassomethingIcametobeproudofbecauseIhaddoneit
allbymyself,untileventuallyithadnothingtodowithMom,andeverythingtodowithme.

Doesthatmatter?Youbetitdoes.Obviously,ifagoalisinternalized,yougetallthebenefitsthatgo

alongwithincreasedintrinsicmotivation(i.e.,creativity,deeperprocessing,betterperformance,
enjoyment,increaseddesiretowork).Youalsoavoidthehassleofhavingtoproviderewards,
punishments,orconstantmonitoringtobringaboutthebehavioryouareafter.Butinternalizationhas
anotherimportantbenefit—weachievegreaterwell-being,greaterhappiness,fromthegoalswe
embraceasourown.OneinterestingexampleofthiscomesfromastudybyRichardRyanandhis
colleaguesinwhichheaskedpeoplefromavarietyofChristiandenominationshowoftentheyengaged
inreligiousbehaviors,suchasgoingtochurchorprayingregularly.

Healsoaskedtheparticipantsin

thestudywhytheydidthesethings.Ryanfoundthatthosepeoplewhoengagedinreligiousbehaviors
forinternalizedreasonsenjoyedgreaterpsychologicalwell-being,butthosewhodidthemfor
externalizedreasonsdidnot.Sothereligiousbehaviorsthemselvesaren’tgoingtoincreaseyour
happiness,unlessyoudothembecauseyougenuinelywantto.

IwanttosayonemorethingaboutautonomybecauseIthinkit’sveryeasytoconfuseautonomywith

independenceor,worse,selfishness,andsoIwanttobeveryclearaboutit.Fulfillingourbasichuman
needforautonomyisnotthesamethingaswantingtodoeverythingonyourown,ordisregardingthe
welfareorfeelingsofothers.Ifbeingautonomousmeantbeingentirelyindependentofeveryoneelse,
andnotgivingadamnaboutanyonebutyourself,itwouldcompletelyundermineyourother,just-as-

importantbasicneedforrelatedness.Autonomyisaboutexperiencingafeelingofvolition,of
authenticity,ofchoice.It’sbelievingthatyouaretheoriginofyourownactions—thattheyreflectyour
beliefsandvalues.Butthatisnotatallinconflictwithinterdependence—feelingconnectedto,caring
for,andworkingincollaborationwithothers.Agoalthatissharedwithmembersofyourfamilyoryour
team,oragoalthatispursuedforthebenefitofothersratherthanforyourself,isnotanyless
authenticallyyours.Infact,thosegoalswillprobablybringyoumorehappinessthananyothergoalyou
choosetopursue.

WhatYouCanDo

•Therearethreebasichumanneeds.Notallgoalswillbringyoulastinghappinessandwell-

being,evenifyouaresuccessfulinreachingthem.Theonesthatwillarethosethatsatisfyyour
basichumanneedsforrelatedness,competence,andautonomy.

•Relatednessstrengthensyourrelationships.Yousatisfyyourneedforrelatednessbypursuing

goalsthatareaboutcreatingandstrengtheningrelationships,orgivingtoyourcommunity.Do
youhavegoalslikethisinyourlife?

•Competencedevelopsnewskills.Yousatisfyyourneedforcompetencebypursuinggoalsthat

areaboutpersonalgrowth,learningfromyourexperience,anddevelopingnewskills.Areyou
pursuinggoalsthatwouldsatisfythisneed?

•Autonomyreflectsyourpassions.Yousatisfyyourneedforautonomybypursuinggoalsthat

youchoosetopursue,becauseyoufindtheminterestingandenjoyable,orbecausetheyreflect
yourownnatureandcorevalues.Doesthisdescribethegoalsyouspendmostofyourtime
pursuing?Areyoudoingwhatyouwanttodo?

•Allthatglittersisn’tgold.Goalsthatareallaboutobtainingexternalvalidationofself-worth—

likebeingpopular,famous,orrich—notonlywon’tmakeyoutrulyhappy,butwillactively
diminishyoursenseofwell-being,byinterferingwiththepursuitofgoalsthatwillreallybenefit
you.Ifyouhavegoalsliketheseinyourlife,it’stimetoridyourselfofthem.

•Intrinsicmotivationlightsthebiggestfire.Goalsthatarefreelychosencreateintrinsic

motivation,aspecialkindofmotivationthatleadstogreaterenjoyment,longerpersistence,
enhancedcreativity,andbetterperformance.Thismotivationisdestroyedbyanythingwe
experienceascontrolling—includingrewards,punishments,deadlines,andexcessive
monitoring.Whenyouaretryingtomotivateothers,beverycarefulwhenitcomestousing
incentives.

•Autonomyfuelsmotivation.Intrinsicmotivationcanbeprotectedorevenrestoredwhenwe

perceiveourenvironmentasautonomy-supportive.Whenwefeelourinnerexperienceis
acknowledgedandweareofferedchoices,eventrivialorillusorychoices,ourneedfor
autonomyissatisfiedandourmotivationandwell-beingareenhanced.Tryintroducingthese
elementswhenyouassignagoaltoyourchild,yourstudent,oryouremployee.Thisisalsothe
bestwaytohelpfacilitatetheinternalizationofgoals,becausethegreatestachievementcomes
fromthegoalsweultimatelyfeeltobeourown.

CHAPTER6

TheRightGoalforYou

INTHELASTFEWCHAPTERS,YOU’VELEARNEDABOUTTHEKINDSOFgoalspeople
pursue.Nowyouwillbeabletousewhatyouknowaboutdifferentgoalstodecidewhichgoalsyou
shouldadoptforyourselfandwhichgoalstoassignto(ormaybesimplyencouragein)youremployees,
students,orchildren.Butwithsomanykindsofgoalstochoosefrom,youmaybefindingyouroptions
alittleoverwhelming.Shouldyoupursuepromotionorpreventiongoals?Beinggoodorgettingbetter?
Thinkingwhyorthinkingwhat?

Beforeyoudecide,itreallyhelpstoconsiderwhat,specifically,youaretryingtoaccomplish.Are

youfacingaparticularlydifficultchallenge?Willitrequirepersistence?Willsucceedingmeanresisting
temptationormakingsacrifices?Isitimportanttoyoutonotonlyreachyourgoal,butalsoenjoydoing
it?Doyouneedtobecreative?Workquickly?Workflawlessly?Unfortunately,thereisnosingle
perfectgoalforallsituations.Eachkindofgoalhasitsstrengthsandalsoitsweaknesses.Choosingthe
rightgoalmeansfindingtheonethatworksbestinyourparticularsituation,andthischoiceisan
importantonebecauseitisoneofthekeystosuccess.

Inthischapter,I’veidentifiedsomeofthemostcommonsituationswefindourselvesinwhenit

comestoachievingourgoals.Foreveryproblemorchallenge,you’llfindthegoalsthatarebestsuited
tohelpyoutackleit.

WhenIt’sGoingtoBeaPieceofCake

Someofthegoalswesetforourselvesare,frankly,notallthathardtoattain.Maybethetaskyouneed
toperformtoreachthegoalisrelativelysimpleandeasy,oratleastsimpleandeasyforyou.Perhaps
youareveryfamiliarwithit—you’vebeendownthisroadbeforeandknowexactlywhatyouhaveto
do.Ormaybeyoualreadyhavetheabilityneededtosucceed.Whenachievingyourgoalmeansdoing
somethingeasy,straightforward,orfamiliar,youareprobablybetterofffocusingonabegood,
performancegoal.AsImentionedinChapter3,thereissomethinghighlymotivatingaboutan
opportunitytoshowoffhowsmart,talented,orcapableyouare,particularlywhentherearerewards
involved.Feelinglikethereissomethingimportantontheline,thatalotridesonhowwellyouperform,
generatesfeelingsofenergyandintensity—exactlywhatyouneedtodoyourbestwhenyouareinyour
element.

Anotherwaytoachieveyourrelativelyeasygoalsistothinkoftheminpromotion-focusedterms.

Justknowingthatataskiseasygivesusafeelingofconfidenceandoptimism,andpromotiongoalsare
mostmotivatingwhenweareconfidentthatwewillsucceed.(Preventiongoals,ontheotherhand,
shouldbeavoided.Toomuchconfidencecanleadtoapathywhenyouareprevention-minded.)Togive
yourgoalapromotionfocus,askyourselfwhatyouhavetogainbyreachingthisgoal.Howisitrelated

toyourhopes,dreams,andaspirations?

WhenYouNeedaKickinthePants

Didyoueverfeelliketherewasagoalyoureallywantedtoreachbutsomehowyoujustcouldn’tget
yourselfmotivatedtostartworkingonit?Timegoesby,daysturnintoweeksturnintomonths,butyou
don’tseemtobeanyclosertoyourgoal?Thisisaverycommonexperience.Forexample,itperfectly
describesmyattemptstoexerciseregularlyformostofmyadultlife.Ireallywantedtodoit—itjust
neverhappened.(Well,untilmorerecently,thatis.I’vechangedmyapproach—butI’llcomebackto
thatlater.)Progresscan“justnothappen”foravarietyofreasons.Someofthewayswethinkaboutour
goalscanmakelowmotivationandprocrastinationmorelikely,andsomecanmakeitlessso.

Onewaytolightafireunderyourselfistoengageinawholelotofwhythinking.BackinChapter1,

youlearnedabouthowwecanthinkofourgoalseitherintermsofthereasonswhywearepursuing
themorintermsofwhatweareliterallydoinginordertopursuethem.Thegoaltoexercisemorecan
bethoughtofas“wantingtobehealthierandmoreattractive”(why)oritcanbethoughtofas“goingto
thegymtojogonthetreadmillthreetimesaweek”(what).Researchshowsthatwhythinkingaboutour
goalsisfarmoremotivatingandenergizing,andit’snothardtoseewhythat’sthecase.Whenwethink
aboutourgoalsinbig-pictureterms,werememberwhyreachingthemmatterssomuch.

Anotherwaytoavoidprocrastinationistobeprevention-focusedwhenitcomestothegoal.Iknow

thiswon’tsoundlikealotoffun,butthereisprobablynobetterwaytostopdawdlingthantogivesome
seriousthoughttoallthedireconsequencesofpotentialfailure.Prevention-mindedpeoplealmostnever
procrastinate—itdrivesthemcrazy.Theirthinkingisthattheonlywaytogetoutofdangeristotake
immediateaction.Soifprocrastinationisyourproblem,trythinkingabouteverythingyouwillloseif
youfail.Irealizethat’sanunpleasantthingtodo,butgreatachievementdoescomewithaprice.

WhentheRoadLooksVeryRocky

Goalscanbedifficulttoachieveforanynumberofreasons.Sometimesyoucanbeworkinginanarea
thatiscompletelynewandunfamiliartoyou,doingsomethingyou’veneverdonebefore,likebeinga
first-timeparent,orstartingabrand-newcareer.Ormaybethetaskathandisreallychallengingor
complicated,likerunningyourownbusinessorhandlingtoughnegotiations.Perhapstherearemany
obstaclesstandinginyourway,onesthatcanbedifficulttototallyanticipateandavoid.Forexample,
dietersmustdealwiththeconstantavailabilityandtemptationofcalorie-richfoods.Theyseemtopop
upeverywhere.(Doesn’teveryworkplacehavethatonepersonwhoinsistsonleavinghome-baked
cookiesorbrowniesintheconferenceroom?Ithinkthisqualifiesasaformoftorture.)

Therearetimeswhenthekeytoultimatelyreachingyourgoalisresilienceinthefaceoffailure.This

isparticularlytruewhenfailureistheruleratherthantheexception.Justthinkofwhatanactormustgo
throughinthecourseofhisorhercareer.Evenwell-knownactorshaveexperiencedmorethantheirfair
shareofrejectionsandbadreviews.Yetsomehow,thesuccessfulonesfigureouthowtopick
themselvesup,dustthemselvesoff,andkeepontrying.Politiciansloseelections,inventorsmake

gadgetsthatdon’twork,lawyerslosecases,anddoctorslosepatientsdespitetheirbestefforts.There
aren’tmanyhighlysuccessfulpeopleouttherewhocouldn’ttellyouastoryortwoabouttheirdarker
days.Thegoodnewsis,whenitcomestoachievingdifficultgoals(nomatterwhytheyaredifficult),
andlearningtopersistinthefaceoffailure,thereareafewthingsyoucandothatshouldhelpyoualot.

First,youshouldbespecificaboutwhatitisyouwanttoachieve.BackinChapter1,Itoldyouabout

howthemostmotivatinggoalsarethosethatarechallenging(butpossible)andasclearlyarticulatedas
youcanmakethem.“Losetenpounds”isabettergoalthan“losesomeweight”becauseyouwillhavea
clearerideaofwhetherornotthegoalhasbeenachieved,orifyouhavetokeeponworkingatit.When
wearetoovague,it’seasytoletourselvesoffthehooktoosoon,particularlywhenthegoalisdifficult
toreachandtheworkishard.

Youwouldprobablyalsobenefitfromchangingyourthinkingfromwhytowhat.Literalwhat-do-I-

need-to-do-to-reach-this-goalthinkingisenormouslyhelpfulwhenwearepursuingchallenginggoals.
Stayingfocusedontheactionsyouneedtotakemakesyoumoreefficientandbetterabletohandlethe
curveballsthatgetthrownatyou.

Justaseasygoalsleaveuswithasenseofoptimismandconfidence,difficultgoalsoftenmakeus

begintodoubtourselvesandourchancesforsuccess.Whenindoubt(literally),yourbestbetistogive
yourgoalapreventionfocus.Whenwepursuepreventiongoals,weactuallythriveonpessimism.
Feelinglikethingsmightnotworkoutfuelsoursenseofvigilance,increasingourmotivationtoreach
thegoalnomatterwhatittakes.Wearefarlesslikelytogiveuponagoal,evenareallydifficultone,
whenwe’rethinkingaboutwhatwemayloseratherthanwhatwecouldgain.

Myfavoritepieceofadvicebyfarfordealingwithdifficultyistomakesureyouthinkaboutyour

goalintermsofgettingbetter,ratherthanbeinggood.Asyou’llrecallfromChapter3,whenweare
focusedonpersonalgrowthanddevelopment,onmakingprogressratherthanonprovingourselves,we
dealwithdifficultyfarmoregracefully.Wetendtoseesetbacksasinformative,ratherthanassignsof
personalfailure.Wedon’tworryasmuchaboutthelikelihoodofsuccessbecauseweknowthatevenif
weneverdoitperfectly,wewillcertainlyimprove.(Andgettingbetteris,afterall,thegoal.)

Whenmyfirstchild,mydaughterAnnika,wasborn,mygoalsasafirst-timeparentweredefinitely

ofthebe-goodvariety.OfcourseIreadalltheparentingbooksandwatchedmanyparentingshows.As
apsychologist,Iknewtonsaboutforming“secureattachments”andengagingin“responsive
parenting.”IwasgoingtobetheWorld’sGreatestMomtomylittlegirlandflawlesslyhandleallthe
upsanddowns.Right.

Whatashockrealityturnedouttobe.Fromthebeginning,Annikawaswhatourfamilycalleda

“fussy”baby(thoughI’vebeentoldthemorepoliticallycorrecttermforitnowis“highneed”).She
screamedfromthedayshewasbornuntilshewasabouteighteenmonthsold,stoppingonlytoeatand
(infrequently)sleep.BecauseIhadbeensosetonbeingtheWorld’sGreatestMom,Itookherendless
demandsandirritabilityassignsofmyincompetenceandfailureasamother.Iblamedmyselfforallof
it.Ifluctuatedbetweenanxiousnessanddepressioneveryday.Idreamedofgettinginacarandjust
drivingoffintothesunset,toescapeboththeracketandmyseriousdoubtsaboutmycapabilities.

Then,somethingreallygreathappened.Attheedgeofdespair,andcurleduponthefloorinacorner

ofmybathroom,ItookanhonestlookatmyselfandIrealizedthatmythinkingaboutthishadbeenall
wrongbecausemygoalhadbeenallwrongfromtheverystart.(Wepsychologists,itturnsout,canbe
prettydensewhenitcomestoourownproblems—whichismorethanalittleembarrassing.)Nooneisa
perfectparent,anditisfoolishtobelievethatanyonecantackleataskascomplexandchallengingas
parenthoodanddoeverysinglethingrightfromtheget-go.Everychildisdifferent,andyoucan’t
anticipatewhatyou’regoingtohavetodealwithwhenyouwelcomeyourbabyintotheworld.

SoIlightenedup.IdecidedtoacceptthefactthatIdidn’tknoweverythingandthatIcouldn’t

possiblydoeverythingright.Imademygoalasaparenttogetbetter,ratherthantobegood.Insteadof
provingthatIwastheWorld’sGreatestMom,mygoalbecametobeabettermothertomydaughter,to
trytolearntheskillsandpatienceIwouldneedtohandleherparticularneeds.Thedepressionand
anxietylessenedasIlearned.

Iam,Ithink,amuchbettermothernowthanIwasthen.Iamcertainlymorepatient,andeverycrisis

isnolongerofepicproportions.Accordingtomyhusband,Iamalotmorefuntobearound.Ispenda
lotlesstimehidinginthebathroom.Inthemeantime,mydaughterhasblossomedfromanincredibly
difficultbaby(hernicknamewas“Crabcake,”withemphasisonthefirstsyllable)intoasweet,sociable,
andrelativelyeasygoinglittlegirl.Idon’tknowhowmuchofthatisduetothefactthatIchangedmy
parentinggoals,orifit’ssimplyduetonormalchildhooddevelopment.Butwhetherithelpedherornot,
itmadeaworldofdifferencetome.

WhenYouJustCan’tResist

Reachinganyworthwhilegoalusuallymeanshavingtoresisttheallureoftemptation.Doingwellonan
exammeanskeepingyournoseinthebooks,resistingthetemptationtowatchTVorjoinyourfriendsat
theparty.Movinguptheladderatworkmeansmakingagoodimpressionandresistingthetemptation
totellyourbossthathe’sanidiot.Somegoals,likelosingweightorquittingsmoking,areprettymuch
allaboutresistingsomething—thelureofthedoughnutortheMarlboroLight.

Overcomingtemptationishard.Itusuallyrequiresalotofself-control(somethingI’lltalkmore

aboutagainlaterinthebook),andmostofusneedallthehelpwecanget.Soit’sagoodideatochoose
goals,wheneveryoucan,thatdoabetterjobofhandlingtemptationanddistraction.

First,thisisanotheroneofthoseinstanceswhereitpaystothinkofyourgoalsintermsofwhyrather

thanwhat.AsImentionedinChapter1,thinkingaboutwhyyouarepursuingaparticulargoal—
rememberingthebigpicture—isenormouslyhelpfulwhenitcomestoresistingtemptations.The
benefitsofconsumingastrawberrymilk-shake(mainly,afleetingsensationofyumminess)palein
comparisontothebenefitsofbeinghealthyandmoreattractive.Themoreyoukeepthereasonsforyour
dietinmind,themorelikelyyouaretobeabletosticktoit.

Givingyourgoalapreventionfocusisalsoanexcellentwaytobeefupyourresistance.AsI

mentionedinChapter4,it’snotjustthatweperformbetterinthefaceoftemptationanddistraction
whenwearefocusedonavoidinglossesratherthanonmakinggains.Weactuallyseemtothriveonit—
prevention-mindedpeopleperformbetterwithtemptationthanwithoutit!Iknowthatsounds
impossiblyodd,butit’strue.Ifyouarethinkingintermsofprevention,temptationsanddistractionswill
makeyoufeeltheneedtobeevenmorevigilant.Whenaprevention-focuseddietereyesthatdessert
cartpiledhighwithtemptinggoodies,whatshetendstoseeisagreatbigpileofdanger—likelittle
grenadescoveredinpowderedsugarandchocolatesauce.Theyarepotentremindersofthepossibility
offailure,and,asaresult,thesightofthatdessertcartactuallyheightensyourmotivationtostickto
yourdiet.

Youmayhavenoticedhowpeopleseemtogetmoreseriousabouttheirhealthaftertheirfirstheart

attack?FormerpresidentClintonhasrarelybeenspottednearaMcDonald’ssincehisbypasssurgery,
andhehasneverlookedmorephysicallyfit.Thoughhedidn’tsufferaheartattack,myfatherrecently

decidedtotakehishealthalotmoreseriouslywhenhequitsmoking—immediatelyafterhetriedtogo
forarunandfoundhimselfwindedwithinafewblocks.PresidentClinton’sweaknessforfrenchfries
andmyfather’sfondnessforsmokinghavebothbeensignificantlydiminished.Fastfoodsand
cigaretteslostmuchoftheirallureoncebothmenwereforcedtocomeface-to-facewiththedire
consequencesofgivingintotemptation.Generally,inthewakeofahealthscareorsomeother
frighteningexperience,ourgoalsbecomeprevention-focused.Solongaswesustainthatfocus,
temptationsareeasilydefeated.

WhenYouNeedItDoneYesterday

Sometimes,youreallyneedtogetsomethingdonequickly.Sometimes,quantitymattersmorethan
quality.Maybeyourhouseisamessandyou’vegotcompanycomingintenminutes.Maybeit’s
ChristmasEveandyoustillhavetobuypresentsforeveryoneonyourlist.Perhapsyouhaveabook
reportduetomorrowonafour-hundred-pagebookyouhaven’tevenopenedyet.Yourecognizetheneed
forspeed—whichgoaldoyouchoose?

Heretheanswerisasimpleone(thoughthetaskmaynotbe)—giveyourgoalapromotionfocus.

Manystudieshaveshownthatwhenpeoplefocusonmaximizinggainsratherthanonavoidinglosses,
theyrespondbypickingupthepace.Theyworkfaster,theytakebiggerrisks,theyskim,glossingover
thedetailstojustgetasenseoftheimportantpoints.Theymaymakeamistakehereandthere,butthey
getresults,andtheygetthemquickly.

WhenYouNeedItDonePerfectly

Ontheotherhand,sometimesyoureallyneedsomethingdoneright.Youdon’tcaresomuchhowlong
ittakes,aslongasit’sdonecorrectly.Whenthat’sthecase,youwanttogiveyourgoalsaprevention
focusinstead.Whenpeoplethinkabouttheirgoalsintermsofwhattheyhavetolose,theyrespondby
slowingdowntoavoidmistakes.Theyworkdeliberately,theyavoidrisks,andtaketheconservative
approach.Theyreadeverysingleword,oftenrereadingsentencesagainandagain,tomakesurethey
don’tmissathing.Theymaykeepyouwaitingabitlonger,buttheirworkwillbeflawless.
(Aquickaside:WhenIgavethischaptertomymother,whoisperhapstheplanet’smostthoroughly
prevention-mindedindividual,shealmosthadapanicattackjustreadingaboutpeoplewaitinguntilthe
lastminutetocleanthehouseforcompanyorshopforChristmaspresents.SheevensuggestedIchange
theexamples,because“noonewouldactuallydothosethings.”)

WhenYouNeedThoseCreativeJuicesFlowing

Whichkindsofgoalsworkbestwhenyouwanttobeinspired?Whenyouwanttobrainstorm,comeup

withnewandboldideas,andthinkoutsidethebox?Itwon’tsurpriseyoutolearnthatgivingyourgoal
apromotionfocuscanheightenyourcreativepowers.Thinkingaboutpotentialgainsratherthanlosses
evokesoptimism,moreabstractthinking,deeperprocessingofinformation,andawillingnessto
embracerisks.Eachofthesecanfuelthecreativeprocessandfosterinnovativethinking.

So,too,cangoalsthatareofourownmaking—goalsthatfulfillourbasicneedforautonomy.The

intrinsicmotivationassociatedwithautonomouslychosengoals,thedesiretodosomethingforitsown
sake,isassociatedwithgreatercreativityandspontaneity.Whenwefeeltoocontrolled,ontheother
hand,ittendstodampenourabilitytothinkabstractlyorinnovatively.Timepressures,punishments,
surveillance—evenbecomingpreoccupiedwithpotentialrewards—canseriouslyinterferewiththe
creativeprocess.

Somepeopleseemtopickuponthisintuitivelyandmakeeffortstotrytoprotecttheirmotivationto

create.Oneofmyclassmatesingraduateschoolhadbeenadoublemajorasanundergraduate,inboth
psychologyandcreativewriting.Hedevotedmostofhisfreetimeingradschooltopoetryandwriting
courses,andseemedtometobemuchmoreinterestedinpoetrythanpsychology.OnedayIfinally
askedhimwhyhechosetobecomeapsychologistinsteadofapoet.Herepliedthathewantedto
alwayslovepoetry,andheknewthatifhehadtowriteforaliving,itwoulddestroyhisinterestand
stiflehistalent.Toprotecthiswritingfromthecontrollinginfluencesofdeadlinesandpublicscrutiny,
hebecameapsychologistinstead.Poetryremainedhisown,authenticallyself-chosenpursuit.

WhenYouWanttoEnjoytheRide

Isitreallyenoughtobesuccessful,ifgettingthereisatotaldrag?Sometimesreachingourgoalsmeans
doingthingswefindstressful,unpleasant,ordull.Nearlyeveryonewhodoeswellintheclassroom,by
necessity,readsquitealot—butnoteveryoneactuallyenjoysreading.Manyofthemostsuccessful
peopleinyourcompanymayinfacthatecomingtoworkeachday.Almosteveryparentlovestheir
children,butmanyfindthatbeingaparentisalottougherthantheyhadimagined.Butitdoesn’thave
tobethatway...notifyouchoosegoalsthatwillmakethejourneymoreinteresting,moreenjoyable,
andmoreengaging.

Ifyouwanttohavefunalongtheway,tryfocusingongettingbetter,ratherthanonbeinggood.In

dozensofstudies,peoplewhopursuegoalsthatareaboutlearning,growing,anddevelopingskills
reporttheyliketheirclassesmore,theyliketheirjobsmore,and,ingeneral,theyenjoytheirlivesmore.
InthestudyoffreshmanchemistrystudentsImentionedbackinChapter3,thosestudentswhose
primaryfocuswasacquiringknowledge(ratherthenshowingofftheirability)foundchemistrymore
interestingandfoundtheirlecturesmorestimulatingandenjoyable.Wewereamazedtofindthatthis
effectofget-bettergoalswastotallyindependentoftheircoursegrade—inotherwords,regardlessof
howwelltheyweredoingintheclass,theylikedchemistrymore.Getting-bettergoalshelpustogetthe
mostoutofanexperience,nomatterhowwellweperform.

Ingeneral,goalsthatareautonomouslychosenaremuchmoreinterestingandenjoyabletopursue

thanthosethatarechosenforus.Controllinginfluenceslikerewardsandpunishmentscanalsotakeour
focusoffofwhatwearedoing,makingusfarlessengaged.It’shardtoenjoyyourjobwhenyouare
obsessingoveryourannualreview.You’renotlikelytoappreciatethebeautyofthemusicyou’re
creatingwhenyourmusiclessonsareforcedonyoubyyourwellintentionedparents.Competitionisan

integralpartofplayingalmostanysport,butwhenthepressuresofcompetitionbecometoo
burdensome,whenthecoachonlycaresaboutwinning,theexperiencemaybecomeverystressful,
ratherthanasourceofpleasureandpride.Tomaximizethejoyofgettingthere,wheneverpossible,
makethechoicetopursueagoalthatisauthenticallyyourown.

WhenYouWanttoBeReally,TrulyHappy

Whenitcomestomotivation,allroadsdon’tactuallyleadtoRome.Notallgoalsgiveyouthelifefilled
withsatisfactionandwell-beingthatwe’realllookingfor,evenifyouachievethem.Mostpeople
assumethat,whenitcomestohappiness,beingsuccessfulisallthatmatters.Intruth,thereare
boatloadsofverysuccessful,veryunhappypeopleallaroundus.That’sbecausetheyhavesuccessfully
pursuedgoalsthatdon’tactuallyfulfilltheirbasicneedsashumanbeings—theneedsforrelatedness,
competence,andautonomy.

Rememberthatwesatisfyourneedforrelatednessbychoosinggoalsthatareaboutcreatingand

nurturingrelationshipswithothers,whilewesatisfyourneedforcompetencebypursuinggoalsthat
focusonpersonalgrowth(get-bettergoals,incidentally,areidealforfulfillingthisneed).Yoursenseof
autonomywillbeenhancedeverytimeyoupursueagoalthatyouchoose,becauseitspeaksto
somethingaboutyou—yourinterests,yourabilities,orthevaluesyoucherish.

Goalstoavoidarethosethatwepursuetoreceivevalidationfromothers,likeseekingfame,prestige,

orgreatwealth.Anytimeyou’reallowingsomeoneorsomethingelsetodetermineyourownsenseof
self-worth,that’sabadidea.Evenifyouachievethesegoals,yourhappinesswillbefleetingbecause
yourtrueneedswillremainunmet.Infact,theytendtomakeusevenmoremiserablebecausetheykeep
ustoopreoccupiedtopursuethegoalswereallyoughttobepursuing.

Spendanytimewithpreschoolers,andyou’llnoticethattheycouldn’tcarelessaboutbeingfamous

orpopular,andthattheironlyinterestinmoneyliesintryingoccasionallytoswallowsome.Whatdo
theycareabout?Theycareaboutbeingnurturedbyandplayingwiththeircaregivers(relatedness).
Theycareaboutlearningtodothings,likewalkandclimbandputtheroundpegintheroundhole
(competence).Andtheycare,alot,aboutdoingwhattheywanttodo.Tryingtoexertacontrolling
influenceonatoddlerisnotoriouslydifficult—theyarefiercedefendersoftheirownautonomy.I’ve
oftenfounditannoyingwhenpeopletalkaboutthe“wisdomofchildren,”because,really,wegrown-
upsareusuallyalotsmarter.Idon’teatloosechange,forexample.ButI’vegottoadmitthat,
motivationally,youngchildrengetitright.Theypursuegoalsthatfulfilltheirgenuineneeds,anddon’t
botherwiththeonesthatwon’t.Whichmay,atleastinpart,explainwhytheyareusuallysomuch
happierthanweare.

WhatYouCanDo

Remember,wheneverpossible,tochoosegoalsthatarebettersuitedtothekindoftaskyouaretackling.

•Whenit’seasy,choosebe-goodgoals.Focusondemonstratingyourability,andpromotion

goals,focusingonwhatyouhavetogain.

•Whenyoucan’tseemtogetgoing,choosetothinkinbig-pictureterms.Rememberwhythe

goalisimportanttoyou.Also,choosepreventiongoals,focusingonwhatyoucouldloseifyou
fail.

•Whenit’shard(orunfamiliar),bespecificaboutwhatyouwanttoachieve.Thinkinnitty-

gritty,whattermsaboutexactlywhatneedstobedone.Choosepreventiongoals,aswellas
getting-bettergoals,focusingonimprovementratherthanongivingaperfectperformance.

•Whenyouaretempted,thinkaboutyourgoalinwhyterms.Chooseloss-focusedprevention

goals.Bothofthesestrategieswillhelpyoutoresisteventhemostpowerfultemptations.

•Whenyouneedspeed,choosegain-focusedpromotiongoals.
•Whenyouneedaccuracy,chooseloss-focusedpreventiongoals.
•Whenyouwanttobecreative,choosepromotiongoals.Youshouldalsomakesurethatyour

goalsareauthenticallyself-chosen.Feelingsofautonomyfuelcreativity.

•Whenyouwanttohavefun,choosegetting-bettergoals,alongwithautonomous,self-chosen

goals.Weenjoyourselvesmorewhenwefocusontheprocessandwhenweareintrinsically
motivated.

•Whenyouwantreal,lastinghappiness,choosegoalsthatsatisfyyourbasicneedfor

relatedness,competence,andautonomy.Avoidfocusingtoomuchonfame,prestige,and
wealth—evenifyougetwhatyouwant,itwon’tmakeyouhappyforlong.

CHAPTER7

TheRightGoalsforThem

SOFAR,THEADVICEYOU’VEBEENGIVENINTHISBOOKHASBEENABOUTchoosingthe
bestpossiblegoalsforyourself,tomaximizebothyoursuccessandyourhappiness.Therearetimes,
however,whenit’snotyourowngoalsthatyou’reconcernedaboutchanging,butsomeoneelse’s.Ifyou
areamanager,acoach,ateacher,oraparent,partofyourjobistomotivateotherpeople.Youare
responsibleforsomeoneelse’swelfareor,attheveryleast,theirproductivity.Youwanttohelpthemset
goalsinawaythatwillleadthemtotheirowngreatestsuccess(possiblywhilealsobenefitingtheteam
orthecompany).Thisofcourseismucheasiersaidthandone.

Mostofusresistbeingtoldoutrightwhatourgoalsshouldbe.Tellastudentthatsheshouldfocus

moreonlearningthanonprovingthatsheissmart(somethingIhaveactuallytried,bytheway),and
shewillrightlypointoutthatsheisbeinggradedforherwork,soshehastocareabouthowwellshe
performs.Tellanemployeethatheshouldseehisjobasanopportunityforpersonalgrowthratherthan
forfinancialgain,andonceyouareoutofearshothewillprobablytellyouexactlywhereyoucanstick
your“personalgrowth.”

Gettinganotherpersontochangehisgoalishard,butluckily,it’ssomethingsocialpsychologists

havegottenprettygoodat.Wehadto—inordertoreallystudywhatdifferentgoalsdo,youneedtobe
abletomanipulatetheminthelaboratoryandseewhathappens.Andthegoodnewsisthatthe
techniquesthatworkinthelabalsoseemtoworkintheclassroom,attheoffice,ontheplayingfield,
andaroundyourdinnertable.Inthischapter,you’lllearnhowtotalktoyouremployees,students,and
childreninwaysthatencouragetheadoptionofparticulargoals.Youwillprovidethesignalsandcues
thatallowthemto,oftenunconsciously,homeinontherightmotivation.I’lltellyouaboutsomeofmy
ownresearchongoalinterventionsintheclassroom,andyou’llseehowsimple,easy-to-use,and
powerfulthesetechniquescanbe.

TheDirectApproach

Mostmanagersandleadershave,onaregularbasis,theunenviabletaskoftryingtogetotherpeopleto
adoptthegoalsassignedtothem.Companieshaveagendas,andemployeesneedtosupportthose
agendasifthecompanyistosucceed.Teachers,too,struggletomotivatestudentstowanttolearn
everythingthattheschoolboard,stateofficials,andfederalgovernmentrequirethemtolearn(andif
possible,evenmore).Whilethedirectapproach—simplytellingsomeonewhathisgoalshouldbe—is
problematic,there’sjustnoavoidingitentirely.Sowhenyouaredolingoutgoalstoyouremployees
andyourstudents,howcanyoudoitinawaythatactuallypromotesacceptance?Howcanweget
peopletoadoptforthemselvesthegoalswetellthemtoadopt,andstaymotivatedtoactuallyachieve
them?Afterall,justbecauseagoallooksgoodtoyoudoesn’tmeanitwilllookgoodtothem.

Thereareseveralstrategiesthatyoucanusetoincreasegoalacceptance.Foronething,trygiving

youremployeeorstudentasenseofpersonalcontrol,becausedoingsorestoresthefeelingsof
autonomythatbeingassignedagoaldiminishes.Thiscanbeaccomplishedinanumberofways.First,
ithelpswhenpeoplecanchoosefromseveraloptions—evenachoicebetweentwogoalsisstilla
choice.Or,ifthegoalhastobepredetermined,allowingotherstodecidehowtheywillreachthegoal
forthemselvescanalsocreatethefeelingofchoice.Forexample,inmysocialpsychologycourse,the
studentshavenochoicebuttodowellonmyexamstogetagoodgrade.Sothegoalispredetermined
byme,butIallowthemtochoosethekindofexamtheywilltake—eithermultiplechoiceoressay.This
givesthestudentscontroloverhowtheywillreachtheirgoal,allowingthemtotailortheirapproachto
theirpreferencesandabilities.Whenpeoplecanmakechoicesforthemselvesintheworkplaceor
classroom,theyarenotonlymoremotivatedbutalsolessstressedandanxious,becausetheyhavea
heightenedsenseofcontroloverthesituationtheyfindthemselvesin.

Participatingindecisionmaking,whetherit’saboutwhichgoaltoadoptorhowtogetthere,doesn’t

justgivepeopleafeelingofchoice.Italsohelpsthemtounderstandtherationalebehindthegoal.Why
isthisgoalworthpursuing?Whyisitimportant?HowwillIbenefitfromit?Rememberthatpeopleare
motivatedtoachieveagoalonlywhentheyfeelithasvalue.Whenthevalueisclear,you’llhavefar
fewerproblemsgettingpeopleonboardandfullycommittedtosucceed.

Sometimes,unfortunately,jointdecisionmakingjustisn’tpossible,andyouneedtofindanotherway

toincreasecommitmenttoanassignedgoal.Whenthat’sthecase,creatingcontractscanbeavery
usefulalternativestrategy.Contractsareexplicit,oftenwrittencommitmentstoengageinparticular
goal-directedbehaviors.Theyarepromisesmadepublicly,andsometimesyouactuallysignyourname
tothem.Evenwheninitialmotivationislow,theactofmakingthecommitmentpubliclyincreasesthe
valueofthegoal.Afterall,noonewantstofailatsomethingthey’vepromisedotherpeopletheywould
do.It’sembarrassing,anditmakesyoufeellikeyou’reapersonwhocan’tbecountedon.Contracts
havebeenshowntoincreasemotivationtoreachassignedgoalsinstudiesofdrugaddiction,weight
control,smokingcessation,andevenmaritaldiscord.That’sright—evenwarringspousescanlearnto
behavethemselvesabitbetterwhenthey’veputitinwriting.

RecentlyIcaughtafewepisodesofthetelevisionshowTheBiggestLoser,andit’sagreatexample

ofthemotivationalpowerofpubliccommitment.Ifyouhaven’tseenit,it’sacompetitioninwhich
obeseindividualsareprovidedwithexercisetrainersandgivenastrictdiet.Eachweek,apersonfrom
theteamthathaslosttheleastamountofweightisbootedofftheranch.Thephysicalworkthese
contestantsdoeachweekisgrueling,toputitmildly.Oncetheshowbegins,theyaretoldhowmuch
theycaneat,whichexercisestodo,andhowmanycaloriestheyneedtoburndoingit.Howisit
possibletomotivatepeople,whoforyearscouldn’tpsychthemselvesuptodosomuchasasit-up,to
workoutforuptosixhoursaday?Theanswer,innosmallpart,isthatonceyou’rechosenasa
contestantonTheBiggestLoser,youmakeacommitmenttodowhateverittakestolosetheweightand
tofighttokeepyourplaceinthecontest.Youdoallthiswiththecamerasrolling,knowingthatmillions
ofpeoplewillbejudgingyoubasedonhowwellyouaccomplishthegoalyou’vepubliclycommitted
yourselfto.Butpubliccommitmentisanenormouslyeffectivemotivator,asanyonewho’sseenthe
showcanattestto.

Giventhenatureofcontracts,however,it’snotsurprisingtohearthatsomeformercontestantsgain

backtheirweightoncetheshowisover.Thecontractisbrokenoncethecamerasandtrainersdisappear,
sounlessthegoaltobehealthyhasbeentrulyinternalizedsothatitbecomesself-chosen,the
commitmenttostayinghealthyevaporatesovertime.

UsingCues

BackinChapter2,Itoldyouthatmostofthegoalswepursueinthecourseofadayarepursued
unconsciously.Inotherwords,wedon’tstoptothink,“I’mtryingtoreachmygoalrightnow.”Wejust
doit.Ifagoalistriggeredinourunconsciousmind,wegoforit—oftenneverrealizingthatiteverwas
triggeredinthefirstplace.

Goalsaretriggeredbycuesinyourenvironment,andthosecuescanbejustaboutanythingthat

remindsyouofthegoal.Afterall,theunconsciousmindcanbeaterrifically:it’sconstantlyworking,it
noticeseverything,anditcankeeptrackofalotmorethingsatoncethanyourconsciousmindcan.The
goaltoperformwellonanexamcanbetriggeredbyreadingachievement-relatedwords(likewin,
achieve,succeed,orcompete),bymeetingahighachiever,orbyjustthinkingabouttheparentwho
alwayspushesyoutodoyourbest.EvensomethingassimpleasholdingaNo.2pencil,thewriting
implementofchoiceforallstandardizedtests,canbethetriggerthatkicksyourgoalintogear.

Inonestudythatdemonstratedthepowerofobjectstotriggergoals,participantsgottogiveelectric

shockstosomeonewhohadjustinsultedthem.Theygavelongershocksandusedhighervoltagewhen
therehappenedtobeagunlyingonanearbytablethantheydidwhenthegunwasreplacedwitha
badmintonracket.Theyhadnoidea,however,thattheirbehaviorhadbeeninanywayinfluencedby
thegun.(Incidentally,theyweren’treallygivingshocks—buttheythoughttheywere,andthat’swhat
matters.)Sojustbeingintheroomwithaweaponcantriggerthegoaltobemoreaggressive,andyou
almostcertainlywouldn’trealizeitifithappenedtoyou.Iknowit’soddtothinkthatthesightofsome
objectmightaffectyouthisway,butreally,it’shappeningallthetime.

InChapter2,Ialsogaveyoutheadvicetosurroundyourselfasmuchaspossiblewithcuesthat

wouldhelpyoutoachievethegoalsyouwanttoreach.Nowyoucantakethatsamepieceofadviceand
applyittotriggeringgoalsinotherpeople.Yousupplythecues,andthemotivationyou’relookingfor
inyourchild,student,oremployeewillprobablyfollow.

Whatkindsofcues?Usingtherightwordsisagreatplacetostart.PsychologistTanyaChartrandand

hercolleagues

wereabletotriggereitherthegoalofbeingfrugalandthriftyorthegoalofenjoying

luxuryandprestigebyexposingpeopletowordsassociatedwitheitherprestigeorfrugalityinaword
game.Next,theyweregivenachoicebetweensocks,bothworthroughly$6:onepairofTommy
HilfigersocksorthreepairsofHanessocks.Thosewhohadseenprestigewordschosetoreceivethe
singlepairofTommyHilfigersocksratherthanthreepairsofHanessocksmorethan60percentofthe
time,comparedtoonly20percentofthosewhohadseenfrugalwords.Thesamepatternofpreferences
emergedwhenpeopleweresubliminallyexposedtoeitherprestigebrandnames(Tiffany&Co.,
NeimanMarcus,Nordstrom)orthriftbrandnames(Wal-Mart,Kmart,DollarStore).Soifyourspouse,
likemine,tendstoclingtightlytohiswallet,andyou’dliketosoftenhimupforabigpurchase,try
strollinghimpastafewhigh-endshopstotriggeragoalmorecompatiblewithspending.Tip:Youmay
notwanttooverusethisstrategy—afteryourfifthtripdownMadisonAvenuefornoobviousreason,
yourspousemaybegintogetsuspicious.

Wordsandbrandsarejustsomeofthecuesavailabletoyou.Goalscanbetriggeredbythemeansyou

usetoreachthemorbyanopportunitytoactonthem.Gymscantriggerthegoaltoexercise,farmer’s
marketscantriggerthegoaltoeathealthywithlocallygrownfood,computerscantriggerthegoalto
startworking(orplaygames,orpostonFacebook—italldependsonhowyounormallyuseit).Really,
anythingcanbeagoaltrigger.Justremembertwoimportantcaveatsifyouwantyourcuetowork.First,
makesurethecuehasthesamemeaningtotheotherpersonthatitdoestoyou.Ihaveoftenheard

parentsjustifythepurchaseofafancynewcomputerfortheirchildbysaying,“Wefigureitwillmake
himwanttodohishomework.”Theoddsaregoodhe’llwanttouseitforanythingbut.

Second,rememberthatyoucanonlytriggeragoalthatisalreadyseenbytheotherpersonina

positivelight.Inotherwords,youcan’ttricksomeoneintoapursuingagoalhethinksispointless,
harmful,orimmoral,justbecauseyouthrowafewcuesathim.Achievementcueswillonlyworkon
someonewhoalreadythinksachievementisagoodthing.You’llnevergetyourspousetoreininhis
spendingifhedoesn’tvaluefrugality,nomatterhowmanytimesyoudrivehimpastthedollarstore.

Here’sthePicture,YouChoosetheFrame

Oneofthemostcommonwaysthatexperimentalpsychologistsmanipulategoalsisthroughframing.
Everytimepeoplearegiventhechancetodosomething,theyaskthemselves(oftenunconsciously),
“Whatkindofopportunityisthis?Whatisthisallabout?”Justlikeanactor,wewanttoknow:“What’s
mymotivation?”Inreallife,youusuallyneedtofigurethisoutonyourown,butinapsychology
experiment,weprovidetheanswerforyou,bycreatingtheframe.Basically,allwearedoingis
presentingparticipantswithataskandthentalkingaboutitinawaythatelicitsaparticulargoal.

Forexample,ToryHigginsandhiscolleaguesoftencreateapromotionorpreventiongoalsimplyby

givingsubjectssomethingtodoandthentellingthemwhattheycouldgainiftheydowell(promotion)
orloseiftheydopoorly(prevention).Youcancreatethesameframesbyassigningataskandthen
havingpeopleliststrategiestomakesureeverythinggoesright(promotion)orstrategiesthatmakesure
nothinggoeswrong(prevention).

Inmyownwork,Ihaveusuallycreatedafocusongettingbetterbytellingmyparticipantsthat

whateverthey’dbeworkingon(anagrams,puzzles,mathproblems,etc.)wasan“opportunitytolearna
valuableskill”andthatitwassomethingonwhichtheywould“improveovertime.”Be-goodgoalsare
remarkablyeasytocreate—justtellindividualsthatyou’regoingtocomparetheirperformancetoother
people,orthattheirperformancewillbeindicativeofavaluedability(likecreativity,intelligence,or
athleticism),andyou’llbeallset.Mostofusarequicktosnapintobe-goodgoalswheneverwefeelwe
arebeingjudged.

Itturnsoutthathowwearejudgedcanalsoimpactthegoalsweadopt.PsychologistRuthButler

foundthatwhenweareevaluatedcomparedtoothers,werespondbyadoptingbe-goodgoals,butwhen
insteadweareevaluatedrelativetotaskrequirementsorourownprogress,weseeitasachanceto
pursueget-bettergoals.Inherstudy,middleschoolboysandgirlsweregivenasetoftenreasoning
problemsandtoldthateithertheywouldbegivenascorerelativetotheirpeers’performance(e.g.,
scoringatthe90percentlevelmeansscoringhigherthan90percentofotherstudentsintheirgrade)or
theywouldreceivescoresindicatingthattheirownperformancewasimproving,stayingthesame,or
gettingworseovertime.Beforebeginning,Butleraskedthestudentstodescribetheirowngoalswith
respecttothetask.Thosestudentswhobelievedthattheywouldreceivescoresrelativetotheirpeers
agreedmostwithstatementssuchas“IwanttoshowIhavehighability”and“Iwanttoavoidfailingon
theseproblems,”whilethosewhoexpectedprogressscorespreferredstatementssuchas“Iwantto
exercisemybrain”and“Iwanttoimprovemyproblemsolving.”(Infact,onlytheget-bettergroup
significantlyimprovedtheirperformanceovertime.Theyalsoreportedthattheyenjoyedtheexperience
morethanthepeer-comparisonbe-goodgroup.)Sojustknowingthatyouwillbeevaluatedinacertain

wayprovidesaframe.Ittellsyouwhatthistaskis“about”—competingwithothersormakingprogress.
Thecorrespondinggoalsjustnaturallyfollow.

Noticethatwhenpsychologistsusethesetechniques,we’renoteversaying,“Yourgoalshouldbeto

_______.”Framingismuchmoresubtlethanthat—itcreatesconditionsripeforpeopletoadoptthe
goalontheirown,withoutfeelingpressuredorcontrolled,andasaresulttheyavoidalltheproblems
weassociatewithgoalsthataresimplyassigned.

CatchingaContagiousGoal

Likethecommoncold,goalsareremarkablycontagious.Thesightofsomeonepursuingaparticular
goalisoneofthemorepotenttriggersofunconsciousgoalpursuitpsychologistshavediscovered.You
don’tevenhavetoknowtheguydoingthepursuing.Allthatmattersisthatheandhisgoalareseen
positively.Unappealingpeople,andunappealinggoals,makelousytriggers.

Ihaveusedgoalcontagioninseveralstudies,aspartofaresearchprogramdesignedtohelpcollege

studentsfocusmoreonpersonalgrowthanddevelopmentandlessonprovingtheirabilities.It’sa
getting-betterintervention,anditissorelyneeded.Studiessuggestthatonanygivendayduringthe
academicyear,asmuchas50percentofthecollegestudentpopulationisdepressedtothepointof
warrantingprofessionaltreatment.AtnopointinthehistoryoftheAmericanhighereducationalsystem
havestudentsbeenmorefocusedonmakingthegradeandbeingthebest,andlessfocusedonacquiring
knowledgeanddevelopingasscholarsandasindividuals.Itisimpossibletonotfeeldesperatelysorry
forthem—they’rekillingthemselvestogetahead.Theoneswhoaren’thaveoftengivenupaltogether.
Collegedropoutratesareatanalarminghigh.Youngpeopleneedtofocusalotmoreongettingbetter
andalotlessonbeinggood.

Unfortunately,simplytellingstudentsthattheyshouldviewtheircollegeexperienceasan

opportunitytolearnisalmostpointless—itmeetswithastaggeringamountofresistance.Studentsare,
afterall,verymuchawarethattheyaregoingtobegradedandthatthosegradeshaveimportant
consequences.Tochastisesomeoneforcaringtoomuchaboutbeingevaluatedwhenyouaredolingout
theevaluationslooks,andfeels,hypocritical.Sowhatcanwedo?Well,foronething,wecantry
exposingthemtosomeonewithaget-bettergoal,thenwaitfortheinfectiontospread.

Thegoodnewsisthatitdoesspread—quickly.ThefirsttimeItriedthisapproachwasinan

introductorypsychologyclasstaughtbyoneofmycolleaguesatLehighUniversity.Thirtystudentsin
myinterventionweregivenapacketofsurveystofillout,andinthemiddleofthepacketwerethree
briefbiographicalstoriesoffamouspsychologists.Eachstoryemphasizedthecrucialrolethathard
work,persistence,andthirstforknowledgeplayedinbringingaboutthepsychologist’ssuccess
(emphasizingaget-betterorientationtowardpsychology).Here’sanexampleofoneofthestoriesI
created:

AlfredAdlerwasborninVienna,Austria,onFebruary7,1870.Heisresponsibleinmanyways
formuchofthepresent-dayphilosophybehindpsychotherapypracticeandtheunderstandingof
mentalillness.Hefocusedonlookingatthepersonasawhole,ratherthanasacollectionof
drivesandinstincts,thuschangingthenatureofpsychologicaltheory.Interestingly,Adler’s
academiccareerdidnotinitiallyseempromising.Achildhoodrecollectionthatstoodoutinhis
memory,whichhelikedtotellchildrenhavingdifficultywiththeirschoolwork,wasanoccasion

whenateachertoldhisfathertotakeAlfredoutofschoolandapprenticehimasacobbler,since
hewouldnevergraduateanyway.Havinglostinterestinschool,Adlerhadfailedmathematics.
Henowdecidedtoshowtheteacherwhathecoulddo:inashorttimehebecamethefirstinhis
classinmathematicsandneveragainwaveredinhisdedicationtohisstudies.

Inthisbiographicalsketch,Adlerisdescribedassomeonewhomadeprogressovertime.Hisearly

academicworkwasfarfromimpressive—sobad,infact,thathewasconsideredalostcause.Thathe
could,withdeterminationandhardwork,becomeoneofthemostimportantfiguresinthehistoryof
psychologyisanexcellentillustrationofgettingbetter.HadAdlerinsteadfocusedonbeinggood,he
mighthaveagreedwithhisteacherthathelackedtheabilitytosucceed,andspenthislifemending
shoesratherthantroubledminds.

Nowlet’sgetbacktothestudy.Anothergroupofthirtystudentsreceivedthesamepacket,but

withoutthefamouspsychologistsstories,toserveasacomparison.Attheendofthesemester,Ifound
thatthestudentsintheinterventiongroupnotonlyhaddevelopedmoreget-bettergoalsinpsychology,
butactuallygothighercoursegrades—morethanathirdofagradehigher(that’sthedifferencebetween
aB+andanA-).

Next,ItriedthesametechniqueinLehigh’sgeneralchemistrycourse(substitutingfamouschemists

forfamouspsychologists).Here’sanexampleofabiographyIused:

ErnestRutherfordwasborninNewZealandasoneoftwelvesiblingsinarelativelypoor
farmingfamily.Despitehishumblebeginnings,heiswidelyregardedasoneoftheworld’smost
remarkablethinkers—hiscontributionstochemistryincludethefundamentalresearchthatledto
ourunderstandingofradioactivity,aswellastothediscoveryofthestructureoftheatom(a
solidnucleusandorbitingelectronshells,asopposedtotheprevailing“PlumPudding”modelof
J.J.Thomson).Inaddition,manyofhisstudents(NielsBohr,HansGeiger,Robert
Oppenheimer)wentontobeNobelPrize-winningchemiststhemselves.Ironically,Rutherford
hadfailedinhisfirstattemptatacareer—hewasturneddownthreetimeswhenheappliedtobe
aschoolteacherinNewZealand.Successinchemistrydidnotcomequicklyoreasily—he
receivedseveralscholarshipsonlybecausethefirst-placewinnerswereunabletoacceptthem,
havingcomeinsecond(orlower)eachtime.PerhapsRutherford’sgreatestassetwasnothis
intellectbuthishardworkanddetermination,whichallowedhimtoovercomethemany
obstaclesanddifficultiesheexperiencedthroughouthislongcareerasachemist.

Again,Ifoundamazingchangesamongthestudentsintheget-bettergoalinterventiongroup.They

reportedfindingchemistrymoreinteresting.Theyweremoremotivatedtostudyandmoreconfidentin
theirchemistryskills.Theyweremorelikelytoseekhelpandlesslikelytothinkthatdoingwellin
chemistrywasduetoaninnate,fixedability.Theyweremorefocusedongettingbetterthanonbeing
good,andsomewhatironically,thisledtohighercoursegrades.Myget-bettergroupshowedimproved
performancewitheachexam,whilethecontrolgroup’sperformancegotworseeachtime.Intheend,
studentsintheget-bettergroupscoredonaverage10percenthigheronthefinalexamthanthoseinthe
controlgroup—adifferenceofmorethanafulllettergrade.

Recently,Ihavetakenthecontagious-goalapproachandtriedtoapplyitmorebroadly,notjusttoone

coursebuttoastudent’sentirecollegeexperience.Recentresearchineducationalpsychologysuggests
thatadjustmenttocollege—bothacademicallyandsocially—isthekeytoretention.Whenstudentsfeel
theyaregettingthehangofthings,theydon’tdropout.Inmystudy,Iwantedtoseeifalittleget-better
contagionmightaffectastudent’sabilitytoadjusttothedifficultiesencountered.AgainIused
biographies,onlythistimetheywereaboutfellowstudentswhohadfocusedongettingbetterandhad

successfullynavigatedtheupsanddownsatLehigh.Hereisanexample:

EllenisajuniorfromasmalltowninIndiana.Eventhoughshewasexcitedtomovehalfway
acrossthecountryandgotocollege,uponarrivingEllenquicklybegantofeeloverwhelmed.
Likemostfirst-yearstudents,shewasnotusedtocookingallherownmeals,payingherown
bills,anddoingherownlaundry.Backathomeshefeltlikeshekneweveryone,buthereat
collegeeveryonewasastranger.Andacademically,therewasjustsomuchmorework.
Professorsassignedwholebookstoreadinamatterofdays.Shehadmultipletestsandpapers
duewithinthefirstmonthofclasses.Morethanonceinthosefirstfewweeks,shewastempted
topackupandheadhome.Butsheneverdidgiveup.Overtime,shelearnedtoplanaheadand
budgettimeforhercourseworkandfortakingcareofherself.Shefoundthatthisbecameeasier
andeasierwithpractice—withinayearshewasnolongerconstantlyfallingbehindinher
classes,andshewasabletokeepherlifeinorder.Ofcourse,therearestilloccasionallytimes
whenthingsgetoverwhelming,butEllenhasrealizedthatthat’ssomethingthathappensto
everyone,andthatthereisn’tanythingshecan’tmanageifshejustkeepstrying.

Igavethesestoriestoincomingfirst-yearstudentsatLehighandcheckedinwiththeminthespring

semestertoseehowtheyweredoingandiftheyhadbeenaffectedbyexposuretothestudentswithget-
bettergoals.IdancedaroundmylabforagoodtenminuteswhenIlookedatthedataandrealizedthat
theinterventiongroupnotonlyreportedhavingmoreget-bettergoals,butalsosaidthattheywerebetter
academicallyandsociallyadjustedtocollegecomparedtoacontrolgroup.Theywerelesslikelyto
believetheirperformanceincollegewasbasedoninnateability.Theybelievedmoreinthevalueof
effort,weremoreconfident,andevenhadhigherGPAs.

Howcanyouusegoalcontagiontogiveyourchildren,students,oremployeesthekindsofgoals

you’dlikethemtopursue?Youcanstartbyfindingrolemodels—storiesofpeoplewhopursuedthe
goalyou’dlikethemtoadopt.Wheneverpossible,usepeopletheyactuallyknowandadmire.It’snot
essential(IdoubtanyofmychemistrystudentshadpostersofErnestRutherfordintheirdormrooms),
butitdoesincreasethelikelihoodofcontagion.Ofcourse,youcanprovidetherolemodelbypursuing
thegoalsyourself.Asaparent,teacher,coach,ormanager,youareinanidealpositiontoinspirethe
peoplearoundyouandshapetheirgoals,eveniftheyneverquiterealizeexactlyhowyoudoit.

WhatYouCanDo

•Helpmakethechoicepersonal.Whenyoureallycan’tavoidassigningagoal,trytogiveyour

employee,student,orchildasmuchchoiceaspossibleabouthowtoaccomplishthegoal.
Feelingsofpersonalchoicearehighlymotivating.Inaddition,beingapartofthedecision
makingwillhelpthepersontoseewhythegoalisworthpursuing—agreatwaytoenhance
commitment.

•Commitinapublicway.Whenpersonalchoiceisn’tanoption,tryusingcontracts.Asking

someonetocommitpubliclytoreachingagoalwillincreasetheirmotivation—noonefeels
goodaboutbreakingapromise.Butrememberthistechniqueisonlymotivatingwhilethe
contractstillholds—onceit’sover,motivationwilldiminishunlessthepersonhasinternalized
thegoalforhimself.

•Usetherighttriggers.Manyofthegoalswepursuearetriggeredunconsciously—wearen’t

evenawarethatwe’reworkingtoreachthem.Youcanusejustaboutanythingtotrigger
someoneelse’sgoalunconsciously(evenwordsorphysicalobjects),solongasyouuse
somethingthattheyassociatewiththegoal.

•Framethepicture.Carefulframingofasituationwillshapewhatpeoplethinkitisaboutand

influencethegoalstheyadopt.Whenfacedwithanopportunitytoimprove,weadoptget-better
goals.Whenwearebeingevaluatedcomparedtoothers,wechoosebe-goodgoals.Achanceto
gaincreatesapromotiongoal,whiletheriskoflosscreatesapreventiongoal.Byframingwhat
ataskisallabout,youcancreatecircumstancesripeforadoptingtherightgoal.

•Makeitcontagious.Goalsarehighlycontagious.Wheneverweseesomeonepursuingagoal,it

canserveasapowerfultrigger,activatingthesamegoalinourunconsciousminds.Byusingthe
rightrolemodels(includingyourself!),youcantakeadvantageofthisprocessanduseitto
spreadanygoalaround,solongastherolemodelandthegoalareseeninapositivelight.

PARTTHREE

CHAPTER8

ConquertheGoalSaboteurs

LET’SSAYYOU’VECAREFULLYCHOSENTHEGOALTHATWILLWORKBESTforyou,and
you’vedoneeverythingIrecommendedearlierinthebookwhensettingyourgoaltomaximizeyour
motivationandcommitment.Nowyououghttobetotallyconfidentthatyouwillsucceed,right?Well,
notexactly.Thepossibilitystillexiststhatyoumightnotreachyourgoal.That’sbecausetherearestill
plentyofmistakesyoucanmakethatcouldsabotageyourchancesforsuccess.

Manypeoplethinkthatthemostcommonmistakewemakeisnotknowingthecorrectactionstotake

inordertoreachourgoals,butthatturnsouttobewrong.CEOs’strategicplansdon’tusuallyfail
becausenooneknewwhatneededtobedonetoimplementthem.Studentsdon’tusuallyfailbecause
theyneverrealizedthattheyshouldstudyanddotheirhomework.Yourteenager’sroomisn’tamess
becausehedoesn’tknowhowtocleanit.

Theproblemismuchmoreoftenintheexecutionoftheactionneededforthetask.Wemiss

opportunitiestoseizemomentsbecausewe’retoobusytonoticethem.Weusestrategiesthatdon’tfit
wellwiththekindofgoalwe’repursuing.Weallowothercompetinggoalsandtemptationstointerfere.
Weprocrastinate.Weloseconfidence.Wegiveupwaytoosoon.

Inthischapter,I’lldescribeindetailthepitfallsthatwemostoftenencounterwhilepursuingour

goals,andI’lltellyouwhytheyoccur.Youwillnodoubtrecognizeafewfromyourownpast
experienceandhopefullyunderstandthechallengesyou’llfaceinthefuturemuchmoreclearly.Butit’s
notenoughjusttoknowwhatourproblemsare—weneedtoknowwhattodoaboutthem.That’swhy,
inthechaptersthatfollow,I’lltakeyoustepbystepthroughsolutionsfordealingwiththesecommon
saboteurs.

SeizingtheMoment

Idoubtthatanyonereadingthisbookactuallyneedstobetoldthatreachingyourgoalsrequires
commitment.Weallknowthatifyouaren’tmotivatedtoachievesomething,thatifyoudon’thave
seriousintentions,it’sprobablynotgoingtohappen.Whatmaysurpriseyou,however,islearningthata
strongcommitmentdoesn’tbuyyounearlyasmuchasyoumaythinkitdoes.It’struethattheintention
iscriticalandthatyouneedtoreallywantitifyou’regoingtosucceed,butit’snotnearlyenough.
Acrossstudies,intentionsaccountforabout20to30percentofthevariabilityingoalachievement—
that’safancywayofsayingthatabout70to80percentofthetimewehaveplentyofcommitment,but
wescrewitupalongtheway.Idon’tknowiftheroadtohellispavedwithgoodintentions,buttheroad
tofailuresurelyis.

Thereareplentyofdifferentmistakeswecanmake,buttheonemostfrequentlyresponsibleforour

troublesisthatwemissopportunitiestoactinatimelymanner.Imagineyourselfgettingupinthe

morning,eatingyourbreakfast,andsendingthekidsofftoschool.Youlookattheclockandrealizethat
youhaveabouttwentyminutesbeforeyouhavetoleaveforwork.Whatdoyoudowiththetime?There
arelotsofwaysyoucoulduseit—manydifferentgoalsyoucouldworkonduringthosetwentyminutes.
Youcouldusethetimetoexercise,payyourbills,organizeyourcloset,orreturnaphonecall.You
couldcheckyoure-mail,cleanyourhouse,orfoldsomelaundry.Whichgoalshouldyouworkon?
Probablynotaneasychoice,sincetheyallmaybeimportanttoyou.Soyouthinkitoverforawhile,
andonceyoudecidewhichgoaltoworkon,youmoveontofiguringouthowtoworkonit.Shouldyou
exercisebytakingashortwalk,doingafewsit-ups,orthrowingyouryogavideointheDVDplayer?
Shouldyoucleanyourhousebytakingonthedishesinthekitchensink,theringaroundthebathroom
tub,ormaybeallthetoysscatteredaroundthefamilyroom?Bythetimeyou’vedecidedwhattodoand
howtodoit,halfofyourtimeisgone.Atthispoint,youprobablysaytoyourself“nevermind,there
isn’tenoughtime”andflopdownonthecouchtocatchafewminutesofGoodMorningAmerica.

Throughouttheday,youaregiven,whetheryourealizeitornot,opportunitiestoactonyourgoals.

Youareconstantlymakingchoicesaboutwhattodointhesemoments(again,whetheryourealizeitor
not).Butgivenhowmanygoalswearealljuggling,andhowdistractedweoftenare,it’snotsurprising
thatopportunitiesslipawayfromus.WhichgoalshouldIworkoninthissituation?Isthisagood
situationforthatgoal?WhichactionshouldItake?WhatdoIfeellikedoing?Havingtodecidewhen,
where,andhowtoactonyourgoalishardtodoswiftly,andopportunitiesmaypasswhileyou’retrying
tofigureitallout.(Don’tworry—aneffectivesolutionforthisdilemmaiscominginthenextchapter.)

Anotherproblemisthatnoteverygoalisfuntoworkon,andit’sprettytemptingtoletthe

opportunitypassyoubywhenwhatyouneedtodoissomethingunpleasant.Thishasbeenaclear
patterninmyownlifewhenitcomestohittingthegym.EventhoughIhavealwayswantedtobethe
typeofpersonwhoworksoutregularly,IhavetoadmitthatIabsolutelyloatheexercising.Myolder
brotherDanwasthekindofathletethatpeopleinourhighschoolstilltalkabouttwenty-fiveyearslater
—thatgenemissedmecompletely.ImighthavebeenahalfwaydecentathleteifI’dtried,butInever
didtry,becauseIhaveneverenjoyedrunningaround,jumping,sweating,orliftinganythingheavy.

Regardless,IknowthatIshouldworkout.Iknowthatit’simportantformyhealthand,frankly,for

myappearance.ExercisingmorehasbeenagoalofmineforaslongasIcanremember,butformostof
mylife,Ineveractuallymanagedtodoit.Mypastislitteredwithunusedgymmemberships,dust-
gatheringexerciseequipment,andcoolworkoutclotheswiththepricetagsstillon.Likemanyofyou,I
madeexcusesformyfailure,andmyfavoriteonetotrotoutwas,“I’mtoobusy.Ididn’thavetime
today.”Itfeltlikeitwashonest,butlookingback,itclearlywasn’t.Itwasn’tliterallytruethatIdidn’t
haveanyopportunitiestoexercise.Whatistrueisthateverytimeonearose,Ichosetodosomething
else,likesleepin,takealonglunch,staylateatwork,orunwindwithadrinkintheeveningwith
friends.EverytimeIcouldhaveactedonmygoal,Idecidedtoactonanothergoal.Thesedecisions
weren’tusuallyconscious—Ijust(conveniently)forgotaboutexercisinguntilitwastoolate.Theother,
lessimportantbutfarmorepleasurablegoalpursuitsgotallmyenergyandattention.(Yes,Iwould
muchratherworklatethanexercise.That’showmuchIhateexercise.)

It’salsoeasytomisschancestomakeprogressongoalswedon’tevenmindpursuing.Spendtoo

muchtimeononeprojectoractivity,andsuddenlyyoufindyoudon’thaveenoughtimeforeverything
elseyou’dhopedtodothatday.Whateveryourcircumstances,thechallengeistoseizethese
opportunitiesbeforetheyslipthroughyourfingers,andtonotletpreoccupation,distraction,or
indecisionkeepyoufromrealizingyourgoal.

ShieldsUp

Goalpursuit,evenwhenmotivationisstrong,requiresprotection.Distractionsandtemptationscan
interruptanotherwisesuccessfulendeavorandthrowitoffcourse.Thisiswhereself-controlcomesin,
wardingoffthesetroublemakerslikeabrawnybounceratanup-scalebarwhosejobistokeepthe
riffraffout.Unfortunately,aseveryoneknows,yourself-controlcansometimesfailyou.Youmaynot
haveenoughofitatthecriticalmoment.Whenthathappens,yourbrainhassomeotherbuilt-in
mechanismsforprovidingtheprotectionweneed,andpsychologistsrefertotheseasgoalshielding.
Butshieldsfailtoo,asanyfanofStarTrekcantellyou.Theystrain,theyweaken,andyouwindup
withagapingholebigenoughfortheriffrafftowaltzin.

Thegoodnewsisthattherearethingsyoucandotobuildupyourself-controlandstrengthenyour

goalshields(moreonthatinthecomingchapters).Thetougherchallengecomeswhenyoufind
yourselfinasituationwheretheshieldsareworkingfinebutendupprotectingthewrongthing.This
tendstohappenmostoftenwhentwocompetinggoalsaredukingitoutforcontrol.

Almostallourgoalsareincompetitionwitheachotheratonetimeoranotherbecausetimespent

workingononegoalisusuallytimenotspentworkingonyourothergoals.Forinstance,timespent
writingthisbookistimeIcouldbespendingwithmychildrenor(gasp!)workingout.However,thisis
notaninsurmountableproblem.Thegoalsofbeinganauthor,amother,andahealthypersonarenotin
anysensemutuallyexclusive.Ittakessomejuggling,butitispossibletofindtimeforallthreepursuits,
andevenmore.Therealchallengeiswhenyouholdtwogoalsthatdofundamentallyconflictwithone
another—whenreachingonegoalbydefinitionmeanssacrificingtheotherone.Youcan’tliveinthelap
ofluxuryandbefrugal,youcan’ttraveltheworldwhilestickingclosetothecomfortsofhome,andyou
can’tenjoylotsofrichandtastyfoodswhiletryingtoloseweight.Thatlastconflictconstitutesoneof
thefundamentalproblemsdietersencounter,andexplainsinpartwhysomanydietsfail.

Accordingtothegoalconflictmodelofeating,alldietershave,bynecessity,twoincompatiblegoals

—toenjoyfood(somethingallhumansareessentiallywiredtodo)andtocontroltheirweight.
Encounteringasliceofchocolatecakeoralargeplateoffriesisacuethattriggersbothgoals—toeat
andtonoteat.Whencompetinggoalsgetactivatedinyourbrain,itrespondsbyinhibitingoneofthem,
thusprovidingagoalshield.Inotherwords,thelosinggoaldoesn’tjustgetignored—itgetscompletely
deactivated.(Thisisnotthesamethingasthoughtsuppression—likebeingtold“nottothinkabout
whitebears,”whichironicallyleadsyoutoconstantlythinkaboutwhitebears.Suppressionisa
consciousattempttoignoreanideathatisactiveinyourmind,anditusuallydoesn’twork—inhibition
isanunconsciousattempttorendertheideainactive,anditworksverywell.)Tosuccessfullycontrol
yourweight,youneedtoinhibitthegoalofwantingtoeattoomanydeliciousfoods.Unfortunately,our
environmentisrichwithremindersthatthesefoodsarealltooeasilyavailable—inTVcommercials,
magazineads,andonthedessertcartrollingpastyourtable—andthey’rejustwaitingforyoutotakea
bite.Thesecuesaredesignedtoactivateyourfoodenjoymentgoal,whichinturninhibits(and
deactivates)yourweightcontrolgoal.Theshieldprotectsyourdesiretoeatinsteadofyourdesireto
loseweight,andtemptationwins.(Helpforthisisontheway—justkeepreading.)

OnestudybypsychologistWolfgangStroebeandcolleaguesdemonstratedthepowerofthis

inhibitionwithoutusinganyactualfood.Intheirexperiment,dietingandnondietingparticipantswere
subliminallyexposedtowordsrelatedtoeatingenjoyment,liketastyandappetizing.Later,theywere
askedtolookatstringsoflettersflashedonacomputerscreenanddecidewhetherornottheletters
formedaword(likepaper)orwerejustgibberish(likepsper).Afterexposuretothefoodenjoyment

words,dieterswereslowertorecognizerealwordsthathadtodowithdieting,likeslim,weightloss,
and,ofcourse,diet.Thisslownessisaclassiceffectofinhibition—yourbrainnotonlyshutsoffyour
weight-lossgoal,buteverythinginyourmindrelatedtoweightloss,includingthewordsthemselves.
It’saperfectshield,butunfortunatelyit’sshieldingthewrongthing.(Interestingly,nondietersdon’t
showthiseffect.Theirbrainsdon’tseetheconflictbecausetheyhaven’tpersonallyexperiencedthe
goalofweightcontrolandthetensionbetweensimultaneouslywantingtoeatandnoteat.)

Conflictbetweentwoopposinggoalsisoneofthemoreintractableproblemsinmotivation,

particularlywhenyoucan’tresolvethedilemmabyjustgivingoneofthemup.Thesolutioniscareful
planning—ingivingeachgoalitstimeandplaceinthedriver’sseat(moreonthisinthenextchapter).

HowAmIDoin’?

Itispracticallyimpossibletoreachagoalwhenyoudon’thaveanysenseofhowwellyouaredoing.
Shouldyouspeedup?Slowdown?Stepupyoureffortsortryanewapproach?Youhavenoidea,
becauseyou’reflyingblind.Isupposeyoumightreachyourgoalbyaccident,butthatisveryunlikely,
sincewithoutfeedbackyourmotivationalsystembasicallyshutsdown.Whenitcomestogoals,your
brainworksonaverysimpleprinciple:reducediscrepancies.That’showpsychologistsrefertothe
differencebetweenwhereyouwanttobe(atyourgoal)andwhereyouactuallyare.Whenyourbrain
detectsadiscrepancybetweenthem,itwantstotakeactiontoclosethegap.Butifthereisnofeedback
—noinformationabouthowwellyouarecurrentlydoing—thenthereisnodiscrepancytodetect.So
nothinghappens.

Sometimesthefeedbackyouneedcomesfromtheoutsideworld—likethegradesfromyourteacher,

theevaluationsfromyourboss,orthenumberofpeoplevisitingyourwebsite.Often,however,that
feedbackissomethingthathastobeself-generated.Inotherwords,youhavetofigureouthowwellyou
aredoing.Psychologistscallthisself-monitoring,anditisanabsolutelyessentialpartofreachingany
difficultgoal.It’salsosomethingthatwealltoooftenneglecttodo,forseveralreasons.

Foronething,someeffortisrequired.Onceyouaremovingalonginpursuitofagoal,itcanbehard

toapplythebrakesinordertogettheinformationyouneedtoevaluateyourperformance.It’slikethe
motivationalequivalentofpullingovertoaskfordirectionswhenyou’relostandinahurry—even
thoughit’sthesmartthingtodo,itfeelssomehowcounterproductivetostopthecar.Sotooverridethat
impulsetojustkeepthingsmovingtakesarealactofwill.Itwouldcertainlybeeasiertogoondriving,
eventhoughthatliterallywon’tgetyouanywhere.

Anotherchallengetoself-monitoringisdealingwiththepossibilityofnegativefeedback.Maybeyou

aren’tdoingsowell,andhavingtofacethatfactispsychologicallypainful.It’sablowtoyourself-
esteem.Ontheotherhand,itisessentialinformationyou’llneedifyouaretoactuallyachieveyour
goal.Iftheonlywayyoucansucceedrequiresachangeofcourse,that’snotgoingtohappenifyou
don’tknowyou’reperformingpoorly.

Likemostpeoplewhostruggletomaintaintheiridealweight,IgetalittleanxiouseverytimeIstep

onthescale.Inthepast,mymethodofdealingwiththisanxietywastojustnotbothersteppingonthe
scale.ThiswasparticularlytruewhenIknewIhadbeeneatingratherrecklessly.ThemoreIgaveinto
temptation,thelessIwantedtosteponthescale.Ofcourse,steppingonthescaledoesn’tcauseweight
gain,butIcouldfoolmyselfmuchmoreeasilyifIdidn’tactuallyknowhowmuchIweighed.(Sound

familiar?Forsomeofyoureadingthis,justsubstitutethewordscholesterolorcreditcarddebtfor
weightandyou’llknowimmediatelywhatI’mtalkingabout.)

Ihavelearnedthehardwaytodoalotmoreself-monitoringwhenitcomestomyweight.NowIget

onthescaleeverysingleday,sothatanygainscanbeimmediatelycounteredwithbettereatingand
some(gasp!)exercisebeforetheygettoooutofhandandIneedtochangeclothessizesagain.Thisis
whatissobrilliantandeffectiveaboutWeightWatchers—mandatoryweeklyweigh-insandadetailed
accountingofeverythingyoueateachday,thoughsomewhattime-consuming,keepyoufullyawareat
alltimesofhowwellyouaredoingeachweekasyouworktowardyourgoal.WeightWatchersand
programslikeitareessentiallylessonsinthepowerofself-monitoring.

TooLittleofWhatYouNeed,TooMuchofWhatYouDon’t

Mostofthemistakesyoucanmakeonthewaytoachievingyourgoalfallintotwobroadcategoriesof
wrongs.Thefirstiswhatpsychologistscallunderregulation,

notdoingenoughofsomethingyouneed

todoforsuccess.SofarthemistakesI’vetalkedaboutinthischapter,missingopportunitiesandnot
self-monitoring,areexamplesofthiskindoferror.Lackingtheself-controltoavoidtemptationand
controlyourimpulsesisanotherkindofunderregulation.ManyofthestrategiesI’llbesharingwithyou
intheremainingchaptersareeffectivefordealingwiththiskindofsaboteur,becauseunderregulationis
byfarthemostcommonproblem.

Thesecondkindofwrongiscalledmisregulation,andjustlikethenamesuggests,itischoosingan

ineffectivestrategytoreachyourgoal.Youcanbeworkingashardasyoucan,practicallykilling
yourselftosucceed,yetsuccesswilleludeyoubecauseyou’regoingaboutitthewrongway.Maybe
you’reworkingtooquicklywhenit’svitaltobecarefulandaccurate.Perhapsyouaretryingtofight
temptationbysuppressingthoughtsaboutfood,andit’sbackfiring.(Incidentally,thoughtsuppression
almostneverworks.Whateveryou’resuppressingusuallyjustpopsuplaterwithanevengreaterforce.)
Maybeyou’reoverthinkingsomethingyouusuallydonaturallyandexpertly,andit’scausingyouto
chokeunderpressure.

It’shardtogivegoodadvicewhenitcomestomisregulationbecauseastrategythatworkswithone

goalmaynotbegoodforanother,somakinggeneralizationsthatwillbetrueacrossgoalsisdifficult.
ProbablythebestadviceIcangivehereistomakesureyouareself-monitoring,becauseevaluating
yourperformanceisthebestwaytodiscoverthatyouneedanewstrategy,longbeforeit’stoolateto
makeachange.

Toooften,peopleblametheirgoalfailuresonthewrongthings.Ihopethatafterreadingthischapter

youwilltakesometimetoreconsidersomeofyourownpastdisappointments.Perhapsyouthoughtyou
lackedability,whenreallyyoujustusedthewrongstrategy.Oryouthoughtyoudidn’thavethetimeto
workonagoal,whenreallyyoujustlettheopportunitiesyouhadslipthroughyourfingers.Maybeyou
wereoperatinginthedark,withoutthefeedbackyouneededtokeepyourselfmotivatedandontheright
track.NowthatI’vetoldyouwhereyourproblemsmayreallylie,it’stimetostartfocusingon
solutions.

WhatYouCanDo

Manyofthesolutionsforconqueringthegoalsaboteurswillbecominginthefollowingchapters,but
hereareafewthingsfromthischaptertokeepinmind.

•It’saboutexecution.Mostofthetime,weknowwhatneedstobedonetoreachagoal—wejust

don’tmanagetoactuallydoit.Focusingonexecutionisessentialforsuccess.

•Seizethemoment.Givenhowbusymostofusare,andhowmanygoalswearepursuingatonce,

it’snotsurprisingthatweroutinelymissopportunitiestoactonagoalbecausewesimplyfailto
noticethem.Achievingyourgoalmeansgrabbingholdoftheseopportunitiesbeforetheyslip
throughyourfingers.

•Knowwhattodo.Onceyou’veseizedthemoment,you’vegottofigureoutexactlywhatyou’re

goingtodowithit.Whenyoucan’tactswiftly,youriskwastingtheopportunity.

•Putyourshieldsup.Goalsrequireprotection—distractions,temptations,andcompetinggoals

canstealyourattentionandyourenergy,andsapyourmotivation.

•Knowhowyouaredoing.Achievingagoalalsorequirescarefulmonitoring.Ifyoudon’tknow

howwellyouaredoing,youcan’tadjustyourbehaviororyourstrategiesaccordingly.Check
yourprogressfrequently.

CHAPTER9

MakeaSimplePlan

Byfailingtoprepare,youarepreparingtofail.

—BenjaminFranklin

PLANNINGISGENERALLYREGARDEDASAUSEFULTHINGTODO.DOAquickGoogle
searchof“planningquotes”andyouwillbeuptoyourearsinexamplesoffamouspoliticians,writers,
businessleaders,andFoundingFatherswhohavesungthepraisesofmakingagoodplan.Management
consultantDavidAllen,inhishighlyacclaimedbookGettingThingsDone,writesthatoneofthekey
objectivesoftheorganizationaltechniquesheteachesis“discipliningyourselftomakefront-end
decisionsaboutallthe‘inputs’youletintoyourlifesothatyouwillalwayshaveaplanfor‘next
actions’.”Infact,you’dbehard-pressedtofindapublicfigureadvisinganyoneinearnestthattheroad
tosuccessliesin“justwingingit.”

Thescientificevidencefromstudiesofmotivationsuggeststhattheseenthusiasticplanningadvocates

areperfectlycorrect.Thereisnostrategymoreeffectiveforfightingoffthosepeskygoalsaboteursthan
doingalittleadvanceplanning.Ifyoutookjustonepieceofadvicefromme,ifyoucouldremember
onlyonethingyoureadinthisentirebook,Iwouldwantittobethisone:makeaplanforhowyouwill
achieveyourgoal.

Thereisoneimportantthingtokeepinmind:somekindsofplansdon’tworkverywell.This,

incidentally,iswhyplanningissometimesthesubjectofsomehumor.(ThatsameGooglesearchwill
giveyouaquoteattributedtoWoodyAllen:“IfyouwanttomakeGodlaugh,tellhimaboutyour
plans.”Andthenthere’sthefamousJohnLennonline,“Lifeisjustwhathappenstoyouwhileyou’re
busymakingotherplans.”)Thereisagoodreasonwhysomeplansdon’twork,whichIthinkIcanbest
illustratewithanexample.Atypicalpersonwiththegoaloflosingweightwillcreateaplanforherself
thatlookssomethinglikethis:

Step1:Eatless
Step2:Workoutmore

Itlookslikeaplanatanyrate.Ithassteps,doesn’tit?Isupposetechnicallyitisaplan,butitisa

terribleplan.Studiesshowthatthissortofplanningisbasicallypointless—itdoesnothingwhatsoever
tohelppeoplereachtheirgoals.Peoplewhoplanthisway(andasithappens,mostpeopleplanthis
way)feelliketheyaremakingaplan.Butalltheyarereallydoingislistingtheactionsthatneedtobe
takeninaverygeneralway.Theyhaveleftalltheimportantdetailscompletelyoutoftheplan.When
willyouworkoutmore,andwhere,andhow?Whatspecificallyareyougoingtoeatlessof,andhow
muchless?

Justlikegoals,notallplansarecreatedequal.Aneffectiveplanisonethatspellsoutexactlywhat

willbedone,andwhere,andhow.InthischapterI’llshowyouhowtocreatethesesimpleplansand
sharewithyousometrulyamazingstudiesthatshowhowpowerfulthisparticularformofplanningcan

be.

TheChristmasEssay

In1997,IsatintheaudienceduringasymposiumonmotivationpresentedattheAssociationfor
PsychologicalScience’sannualconferenceinWashington,D.C.Iwasasecond-yeargraduatestudent,
andtomethepsychologistssittingonthedaiswerelikerockstars.OneofthemwasPeterGollwitzer,a
well-knownsocialpsychologistfromtheUniversityofKonstanz,Germany.Atthispointinmy
graduatecareer,Iwasn’texactlysurewhatareaIwantedtospecializein.Icansaywithoutexaggeration
thatthetalkPetergavethatdaychangedmylife.

HedescribedanexperimentheandhisstudentshadconductedontheKonstanzcampus.Shortly

beforeChristmasbreak,theyapproachedstudentsontheirwaytotheirfinalexamsandaskedifthey
wouldparticipateinastudyofhowpeoplespendtheirholidaysinmoderntimes.Thosewhoagreed
weretoldthattheyhadtowriteanessaywhilehomeonvacation,describingindetailhowtheyspent
theirChristmas.Thisessayhadtobewrittenandmailedinwithinforty-eighthoursofChristmasDay.
Halfofthestudentsweregivenoneadditionalinstruction:todecideexactlywhenandwheretheywould
writetheessay.Theywrotedownthisinformationonapieceofpaper,handedittotheresearcher,and
wentofftotaketheirfinalexams.

AfewdaysafterChristmas,theessaysstartedarrivinginthemail.Gollwitzerfoundthat32percent

ofthestudentswhomadenoparticularplanforwhenandwheretowriteithadsenttheiressayin.
Astoundingly,71percentoftheoneswhodidmakeaplancompletedtheiressays—morethantwicethe
numberofnonplanners.Uponhearingthis,Ithinkmymouthpracticallydroppedtothefloor.Goal
completiondoubledastheresultofthesimplestinterventionIhadeverheardof.Thestudyofhuman
behaviorissuchacomplicated,messyenterprisethat,tobeperfectlyhonest,socialpsychologistsare
thrilledwhentheirinterventionshaveanykindofeffectonpeople’sactions,evenverysmalleffects.
TheeffectofthiskindofplanningwasHUGEincomparisontomostofthestudiesI’dseen,anditwas
somethingyoucouldteachanyonetodo.(ItwasinthismomentthatIdecidedthatstudyinggoalsand
motivationwasdefinitelythewayIwouldgo.)

ThePowerofIf-Then

Thebeautyoftheseplansliesintheirsimplicity.Youtakeagoalyouwanttoachieve,andyouspellout
exactlywhen,where,andhowyouwillachieveit.Forexample,taketheweight-lossgoalImentioned
earlier.Step1,“Eatless,”becomes“Iwilleatnomorethan1,500caloriesaday.”Step2,“Workout
more,”turnsinto“IwillworkoutforanhouratthegymonMondays,Wednesdays,andFridaysbefore
work.”Gollwitzerreferstothiskindofplanningasformingimplementationintentions,whichiskindof
amouthful.Reallyit’sjustaformofif-thenplanning:ifIaminthissituation,thenIwilltakethis
action.IfIhaveeaten1,500caloriestoday,thenIwillstopeating.Ifit’sMondaymorning,thenIwill
hitthegymbeforework.

YearsafterfirsthearingthestoryoftheChristmasessay,IhadtheopportunitytoworkwithPeterand

hiswife,GabrieleOettingen,asapostdoctoralresearcheratNYU.WithourcolleagueAngela
DuckworthfromtheUniversityofPennsylvania,wedecidedtoreallyputimplementationintentionsto
thetest,byusingthemonagroupofpeoplenotoriousforthelackofdisciplineandself-control:tenth-
gradersonsummerbreak.ThesewerestudentswhoweregoingtobetakingthePSATtestinthefall,
andtheyallhadthegoalofstudyingforitovertheirsummermonths.InMay,wegavethestudentsa
bookoftenPSATpracticetestsandtoldthemthatwewouldcollectthebookbackwhentheyreturned
toschoolinSeptember.Halfofthestudentswerealsoaskedtodecidewhenandwheretheywouldwork
onthepracticeproblemsoverthesummer(e.g.,“Afterbreakfastonweekdaysinmyroom.”)The
studentsdidnotgetanyremindersofanykindfromusoverthesummer—theydidn’tevengettokeep
thepieceofpapertheyhadwrittentheirplanon.AftercollectingthebooksfromtheminSeptember,we
foundthatnonplannerscompletedanaverageof100practiceproblems.Planners,ontheotherhand,
completedastaggering250problems!Onceagainperformancemorethandoubled,eventhoughthat
performancewasstretchedoutoverthecourseofanentiresummer.Allthisfromaninterventionthat
tooklittlemorethanamomentofthestudent’stime.

That’sNotAll...

Planslikethesehaveenormousvaluewhenitcomestoreachingourhealthgoalsaswell.Let’sfaceit—
beinghealthyusuallyeithermeansdoingsomethingunpleasant(likegettingscreenedforadisease)or
forgoingsomethingyoureallywant(likeadoughnutoracigarette).Sowhenitcomestoreachingour
healthgoals,mostofusneedallthehelpwecanget.If-thenplansareperhapsjustwhatthedoctor
ordered.

Inonestudy,overtwohundredmenandwomeninnorthernEnglandwereinvitedtoadoptthegoalof

reducingtheirfatintakeoverthecourseofamonth.Halfoftheparticipantswerealsoinstructedto
makeif-thenplansforhowtheywouldeatlessfat,andinwhatsituationstheywouldtaketheseactions.
Onlythegroupthathadmadeplanswassuccessfulinreducingboththeiroverallfatintakeand
saturatedfatintake—thosewithoutplansactuallyslightlyincreasedthefatintheirdiet.

Asimilarstudy

usedif-thenplanningtohelppeoplequitsmoking.Overthecourseoftwomonths,plannersnotonly
smokedsignificantlyfewercigarettesthannonplanners,but12percentofplannershadquitcompletely,
comparedtoonly2percentofnonplanners.

Yetanotherstudylookedatbreastself-examination,animportanthealthcheckthatmostwomen

intendtoperformbutfarfeweractuallyremembertodowithanyregularity.Researchersfoundthat100
percentofthewomenwhoweretoldtoplanwhereandwhentheywouldperformself-examsactually
didsointhefollowingmonth,comparedtoonly53percentofthenonplanninggroup(eventhoughthe
commitmenttoperformself-examswasequallystronginbothgroups).Similarresultshavebeenshown
forcervicalcancerscreenings(92percentofplanners,60percentofnonplanners)andadherencetoan
exerciseprogram(91percentofplanners,39percentofnonplanners).

GollwitzerandhiscolleaguePaschalSheeranrecentlyreviewedtheresultsfromninety-fourstudies

thatmeasuredtheeffectsofif-thenplanningandfoundsignificantlyhigherratesofgoalattainmentfor
justabouteverygoalyoucanthinkof:usingpublictransportationmorefrequently,buyingorganic
foods,helpingothers,drivingmorecarefully,notdrinking,notstartingsmoking,rememberingto
recycle,followingthroughonNewYear’sresolutions,negotiatingfairly,avoidingstereotypicaland

prejudicialthoughts,doingmathproblems...younamethegoal,andthesesimpleplanswillhelpyou
reachit.

Infact,if-thenplanningworksineventhemostunlikelyofcircumstances.Inonestudy,agroupof

patientsinanin-hospitaltreatmentprogramforheroinaddicts—patientswhowerestillinthepainful
stageofwithdrawal—wereaskedtowriteupashortrésuméby5p.m.thatday.Thisrésuméwouldhelp
hospitalcounselorslocateemploymentforeachpatientwhentheywerereadytoleavethehospital.
Afterreceivingtheirassignmentthatmorning,halfofthepatientswerealsoaskedtodecidewhenand
wheretheywouldwritetherésumé.At5p.m.,theresearchersfoundthatnoneofthenonplannershad
rememberedtocompletetherésumé—notasingleperson.Remarkably,80percentoftheplanners
successfullyhandedtheirsin!Subsequentstudiesofif-thenplanningwithschizophrenicindividualsand
frontallobebraininjurypatients,twogroupsthathavewell-documenteddifficultypursuingtheirgoals,
showsimilarresults.Ifpeoplewithproblemsofthisseveritycanbesuccessfulusingtheseplans,just
imaginewhattheycandoforyou.

Itreallydoesn’tseemtomatterintheleastwhatthegoalisorwhoisdoingthepursuing.Planning

when,where,andhowyouwilltaketheactionsneededtoreachyourgoalisprobablythesinglemost
effectivethingyoucandotoincreaseyourchancesofsuccess.Theonlyquestionlefttoaskis,why?
Howcansuchasimplestrategybesopowerful?

ButWhyDoesItWork?

Inthelastchapter,Itoldyouthatthemostcommonproblemwerunintowhentryingtoachieveagoal
ismissingopportunitiestotakeaction.Thiscanhappenbecausewearepreoccupiedbyothergoalsor
simplysodistractedthatweeitherforgetaboutourgoalentirelyordon’tnoticetheopportunitywhenit
arises.Itcanalsohappenbecausewearereluctanttodowhateverisrequiredtoreachourgoal,because
itisdifficultorjustnofunatall.Whateverthereason,weareconstantlylettingopportunitiestoachieve
ourgoalsslipthroughourfingers.Ifwewanttosucceed,weliterallyneedtolearnhowtoseizethe
moment.Thisispreciselywhatif-thenplansaredesignedtodo.

Anamazingthinghappensinyourbrainwhenyoudecidewhenandwhereyouwillactonyourgoal.

Theactofplanningcreatesalinkbetweenthesituationorcue(theif)andthebehaviorthatshould
follow(thethen).Let’ssayyourmotherhasbeengivingyouahardtimeaboutnotkeepingintouch,so
yousetyourselfthegoaltocallyourmomonceaweek.Afterawhile,youfindthatdespiteyour
genuinedesiretobebetteraboutcalling,youjustkeepforgettingtodoit.Momisgettingmadderbythe
minute.Soyoumakeanif-thenplan:IfitisSundayafterdinner,thenIwillphoneMom.Nowthe
situation“Sundayafterdinner”iswiredinyourbraindirectlytotheaction“phoneMom.”

Thesecondthingthathappensisthatthesituationorcue(Sundayafterdinner)becomeshighly

activatedinyourbrain.It’slikewhenateacherasksifanyoneknowsthecapitalofVermont,andthere’s
thatonekidwhoimmediatelystartsjumpingaroundinhisseatandfranticallywavinghisraisedhand,
saying,“Ooh,ooh,Iknow,Iknow,pickme!”Whenasituationishighlyactivatedinyourmind,itis
justdyingtogetnoticed.Completelybelowyourawareness,yourbrainstartsscanningtheenvironment,
searchingforthesituationinthe“if”partofyourplan.Asaresult,thesituationiseasilydetected,even
whenyouarebusydoingotherthings.

Thethirdthingthathappensiswhatreallyclinchesit.Oncethe“if”partofyourplanactuallyoccurs,

the“then”partfollowsautomatically,withoutanyconsciousintent.Inotherwords,yourbrainalready
knowswhattodobecauseyoualreadydecidedwhattodowhenyoumadeyourplan.Now,yourbrain
canjustexecutetheplanwithoutanyfurtherdeliberation.Whenyou’vefinishedcleaningyourdishes
afterSundaynight’spotroast,yourunconsciousmindwalksyouovertothephoneandyoustartdialing
becauseyoualreadytolditthatthisisthetimetocallMom.(Sometimesthisisconscious,andyoudo
actuallyrealizeyouarefollowingthroughonyourplan.Thepointisitdoesn’thavetobeconscious,
whichmeansyourplanscangetcarriedoutwhenyouarepreoccupiedwithotherthings,andthatis
incrediblyuseful.)

Whenwethinkofbehaviorsthatweengageinunconsciously,weusuallythinkofthingslikehabits

(chewingyourfingernails,singingintheshower)orwell-practicedskillsdevelopedoverhundredsof
hours(howapianistmoveshisfingersoverthepiano,orhowanexpertpoolplayerlinesupashot).
PeterGollwitzerhasdescribedif-thenplansascreating“instanthabits”—makingaplanisthedeliberate
creationofan“automatic”routine.

However,unlikemostofourhabits,theseinstanthabitshelpus

reachourgoals,ratherthangetinthewayofthem.

Anotherbenefitofif-thenplanningisthatitconservesourmostpreciousmotivationalresource:our

self-controlstrength.Anytimeourunconsciousmindcantakeover,detectingsituationsanddirecting
ourbehaviorwithoutconsciouseffort,itisfarlesstaxingandrequireslesswillpower.Theseplans
enableustoconserveourself-controlstrengthincaseit’sneededlater(anditoftenis).Asaresult,
studiesshowthatif-thenplannersaremorelikelytobetenaciousinthefaceofevenunexpected
obstacles.Ifatfirstitisblocked,theywilltryandtryagainuntiltheiractioncanbetaken.Also,
becausetheyhaveconservedself-controlstrength,theyhavemoreofittousetoovercomethose
obstacles.

If-thenplansaren’tjustgoodforseizingopportunities.Theyarealsogreatforsuppressingunwanted

behaviors(likegivingintotemptation)orfordealingwiththedisruptivethoughtsandfeelingsthatcan
throwourgoalpursuitofftrack.Inastudythatusedif-thenplanningtotrytoconquerfoodcravings,
dietingwomenwereaskedabouttheirfavoritehigh-fatsnackfood.Theywerethentoldthattheirgoal
wouldbetocuttheirconsumptionofthesnackby50percentduringthefollowingweek.Halfofthe
dieterswerealsotoldtocreateaplan:“AndwhenIthinkaboutthissnackfood,Iwillnoteatit!”(They
repeatedthistothemselvesthreetimes.)Aweeklater,thenonplannershadeatenlessoftheirfavorite
snack(goingfromfourportionsperweektothree)butdidn’tsucceedincuttingtheirconsumptionby
half.Theplanners,ontheotherhand,wentfromfourportionsperweektotwo!Theynotonlyreached
theirgoal,butweretwiceaseffectiveonaverageasnonplanners.

Inanotherstudy,competitivetennisplayersweretoldtomakeplansforhowtodealwithfeelingsof

anxietyandexhaustionthatcouldinterferewiththeirperformanceduringthenextmatch(e.g.,“IfIam
feelinganxious,thenIwillcalmmyselfandpretendit’sjustapractice,”or“IfIamfeelingnervous,I
willbreathedeeply”).Thosewhomadeplansplayedsignificantlybetterinasubsequentmatch,
accordingtoevaluationsfromtheircoachesandteammates,thanplayerswhodidn’tplanhowtodeal
withtheirdisruptivefeelings.

Fortacklingtheproblemsofmissedopportunitiesandgoalshielding,you’dbehard-pressedtofinda

simpler,moreeffectivestrategythanforminganif-thenplan.I’veoftenthoughtthatI’dliketocreatea
littlepamphletexplaininghowandwhyyoushouldmaketheseplans,andthenstickitinsideeverydiet,
motivational,andself-helpbookandDVDonthemarket.I’dalsoliketoleavethemlyingaroundin
doctors’officesandteachers’lounges.ImightsendafewtomyCongressman.Nomatterwhatyouare
tryingtoaccomplish,whateverweight-lossplanyou’retryingtostickto,whateverprogramofself-
improvementyou’veembarkedon,whateverchallenginggoalyou’vesetforyourself,youarefarmore

likelytosucceedifyoustartoutwithasimpleplan.

WhatYouCanDo

•Makeaplan.Manyoftheproblemswefacewhentryingtoreachagoalcanbesolvedby

creatingsimpleif-thenplans.Whetheryou’retryingtoseizeanopportunity,resisttemptation,
copewithanxietyandself-doubt,orpersistwhenthegoinggetstough,theseplanscanhelpyou
doit.

•Decidewhatyouwilldo.Startbydecidingwhatspecificactionsneedtobetakentoreachyour

goal.Avoidvaguestatementslike“eatless”and“studymore”—beclearandprecise.“Studyfor
atleastfourhourseachnight”leavesnoroomfordoubtaboutwhatyouneedtodoandwhether
ornotyou’veactuallydoneit.

•Decidewhenandwheretodoit.Next,decidewhenandwhereyouwilltakeeachaction.Again,

beasspecificaspossible.Thiswillhelpyourbraintodetectandseizetheopportunitywhenit
arises,evenifyourconsciousmindistoobusytonotice.

•Formulateyourif-thenplan.Putitalltogetherinanif-thenstatement.“Ifitisaweeknight,I

willgotomyroomandstudyforatleastfourhours.”Youcanwritetheseplansdownina
notebook,ifyouprefer,orsimplyrepeatthemtoyourselfafewtimestoletthemreallysinkin.

•Targettheobstacles.Thinkabouttheobstaclesandtemptationsthatarelikelytoarisewhileyou

arepursuingyourgoal.Howwillyoudealwiththem?Makeanif-thenplanforeach.(“Ifmy
friendscalltoaskmetogooutonaweeknight,I’llsay‘nothanks’andseethemonthe
weekend.”)Thiswillallowyoutomakethebestpossibledecisionswellinadvance,keeping
youontracktosucceednomatterwhatcomesyourway.

CHAPTER10

BuildtheSelf-ControlMuscle

THEYEAR2003WASNOTAGOODYEARFORME.ITWASTHEYEARTHATIturnedthirty,
separatedfrommyfirsthusband,andlivedinnear-constantdreadofnotfindingajobbeforemy
postdoctoralfundingranout.Icopedbadlywiththeendofmymarriageandtheuncertaintyofmy
career.IatewhateverIwanted,gaveupcompletelyonexercising,andrapidlypackedonthepounds.I
wentoutmostnightstobarswithfriendsanddrankabittoomuch.SomedaysIsleptuntilnoon.My
apartmentwasamess.Myworksuffered.Ispentmoneyimpulsively,thinkingnewclothesanddinner
atfancyrestaurantswouldmakemefeelbetter,andblewrightthroughmysavings.Itwasthelowest
pointinmylife,andIwasmiserable.

Eventually,havinghitbottom,Ibegantheslowcrawlbackupagain.Oddlyenough,thatchange

beganwhenIbroughthomeaten-week-oldpuppy.Lucyisaminiatureschnauzer,andanyonefamiliar
withthebreed,orwithterriersingeneral,knowsthatthelittlebuggersareverydemandingdogs.If
WoodyAllenhadsaid,“IfyouwanttomakeGodlaugh,tellhimyouplantotrainaschnauzer,”he
wouldhavebeenrightonthenose.Lucyrequiredalotofme—regularwalks,housebreaking,grooming,
feeding,playing,andeternalvigilancetopreventthedestructionofyetanotherofmyprized
possessionswhenIwasn’tlooking(Lucyisachewer—myshoes,books,andcoffeetablewereher
favorites).SinceIwaslivinginanapartmentinNewYorkCity,shehadtobewalkedseveraltimesa
dayinordertodoherdoggiebusiness.Thistypicallystartedataround5a.m.—quiteachangefrommy
usualhabitofsleepinguntillunchtime.

Thelongandshortofitis,Iwasexercisingalotofself-controlinordertocareforthisdog.Ittook

effort,ittookplanning,andittookawholelotofpatience.Thefirstfewweekswereincrediblydifficult,
mostlybecauseIhadgrownsounaccustomedtobeingresponsibleforanything.Butastimepassed,it
startedgettingeasier.Igotusedtomynewroutines,andafterawhilegettingupat5a.m.didn’tseem
nearlysohard.Thefunnythingis,otheraspectsofmylifestartedimprovingaswell.Istoppedgoing
outsomuch,startedeatingbetter,andrejoinedthegym.Myapartmentwaslookingcleaner(despite
Lucy’sbesteffortstoredecorate),mylaundrypilewasshrinking,andmybankstatementsgrewless
terrifying.Iclippedcoupons;Ilookedforsales.Myworkimproved—Iwaspublishingpapersagain,
generatingnewideas,speakingatconferences.Iinterviewedforandwasofferedaprofessorshipat
LehighUniversity.Andshortlyaftermythirty-firstbirthday,Imetmyfuturehusband(okay,thatoneI
can’treallytakecreditfor,otherthanforrecognizingagoodthingwhenIseeit).

I’mtellingyouallthisbecauseIthinkthatyearinmylifenicelyillustratessomethingaboutthe

natureofself-control.Inthebeginningofthisbook,Iintroducedyoutotheideaoftheself-control
muscle.Justlikethemusclesinyourbody,yourcapacityforself-controldwindleswhenyoudon’t
exerciseit.WhenIturnedthirtyandmyfirstmarriagefellapart,Ibasicallyputmyself-controlonbed
rest,anditatrophied.WhenthetimecameandIneededtorelyonmyself-controlagaintocarefora
newpuppy,itwasmuchlikereturningtothegymafterayears-longabsence—ithurtlikehellandIwas
easilywinded.Then,asIexercisedmyself-controleachday,bystickingtomynewroutines,itstarted

gettingstronger.Withthatnewstrength,IfoundIcouldstarttacklingmyotherchallengesandgetmy
lifebackontrack.

Iamnot,fortherecord,recommendingthatifyou’rehavingtroublereachingyourgoals,yourunout

andbuyadog.Therearelotsofwaystostrengthenyourself-controlmuscle,andI’llsharewithyou
someoftheonespsychologistshavetestedinthischapter.It’salsoimportanttorememberthat,like
yourbiceportricep,yourself-controlmusclecangettiredfromexercise,leavingyouvulnerable
immediatelyafteryou’vegivenitaworkout.Soyou’llneedtoknowhowyoucanhelpyourself-control
tobouncebackafteryou’vedonesomethingreallytaxing.Youmayalsobenefitfromlearningafew
otherstrategiesyoucanusetocompensateinthosemomentswhenyou’veusedupallyourstrengthand
can’taffordtowaitforyoursecondwind.

PumpingUp

Self-controlisenormouslyimportantwhenitcomestoachievingourgoals—somuchsothatitis
actuallybetteratpredictingschoolgrades,attendance,andevenstandardizedtestscoresthanthatHoly
Grailofabilitymeasures,theIQtest.

Werelyonourcapacityforself-controlconstantly.Whenmost

peoplehear“self-control,”theythinkofresistingtemptationordelayinggratification,butself-controlis
alsoneededwhenwetrytomakeagoodimpression,andevenwhenwemakedecisions.

(Haveyou

everfeltexhaustedafteradayofshopping?Thisiswhy.)Thegoodnews,infactthegreatnews,isthat
itiswithinyourpowertohavemoreself-controlthanyoudorightnow,andthatyoucanaccomplish
thisinavarietyofways.

Doyouhaveasweettooth?Trygivingupcandy,evenifweightlossandcavitypreventionarenot

yourgoals.Hateexertingyourselfphysically?Gooutandbuyoneofthosehandgripsyouseethe
musclemenwithatthegym—evenifyourgoalistopayyourbillsontime.PsychologistMark
Muravenaskedagroupofadultmenandwomeninonestudytoeitheravoidsweetsoruseahandgrip
overtwoweeks.The“avoidsweets”groupwastoldtoeataslittlecake,cookies,candy,andother
dessertfoodsaspossible.Inthehandgripcondition,peopleweregivenhandgripstotakehomeand
askedtoholdthemtwiceadayforaslongaspossible.Bothtasksrequireself-control—eithertoresist
temptationortoovercomephysicaldiscomfort—sobothfunctionasakindofself-controlworkout.At
theendoftwoweeksofsweetsabstinenceandhandgripping,Muravenfoundthatparticipantshad
significantlyimprovedonadifficultcomputerizedconcentrationtask—havingnothingtodowitheither
givingupsweetsorusingahandgrip—thatrequiredlotsofself-control.

Justbyworkingtheir

willpowermuscleregularly,theirself-controlstrengthhadincreasedmeasurablyinamatterofweeks!

Inanother,evenmorecompellingself-controltrainingstudy,participantsweregivenafreegym

membershipandindividuallytailoredexerciseprograms(designedbytrainers)thatincludedaerobics,
freeweights,andresistancetraining.Afterexercisingregularlyoverthecourseoftwomonths,these
menandwomenhadnotonlyincreasedtheirabilitytodoavarietyoflaboratoryself-controltasks,but
alsoreportedthatmanyotherareasoftheirlifehadimprovedaswell.Theysmokedfewercigarettes,
drankfeweralcoholicbeverages,andatelessjunkfood.Theysaidtheywerebetterabletocontroltheir
tempersandlessapttospendmoneyimpulsively.Theydidn’tleavetheirdishesinthesink,didn’tput
thingsoffuntillater,missedfewerappointments,anddevelopedbetterstudyhabits.

Infact,every

aspectoftheirlivesthatinvolvedusingsomeself-controlseemedtohaveimproveddramatically.When

youexercise,itturnsoutthatit’snotjustyourphysicalmusclesyou’rebuilding.

AsImentionedbackintheintroduction,self-controltrainingstudieshaveusedmanydifferent

approaches—directingpeopletorefrainfromcursing,ortousetheirnondominanthandtoopendoors
andbrushtheirteeth.Justsittingupstraighteverytimeitoccurstoyoucanhelpyoubuildupself-
controlstrength.Whatallthesedifferentmethodshaveincommonisthateachoneforcesyoutodo
somethingyou’drathernotdo—tofighttheurgetogivein,giveup,orjustnotbother.Pickanactivity
thatfitswithyourlifeandyourgoals—anythingthatrequiresyoutooverrideanimpulseordesireagain
andagain,andmakeaplan(seeChapter8)toaddthisactivitytoyourdailyroutine.Itwillbehardin
thebeginning,particularlyifyouaren’tusedtoworkingyourself-controlmusclethatmuch.Ican
promiseyouwithcompleteconfidencethatitwillgeteasierovertimeifyouhanginthere,becauseyour
capacityforself-controlwillgrow.Whenitdoes,itcanimpacteveryaspectofyourlifeforthebetter.

BouncingBack

EvenArnoldSchwarzenegger’smusclesgettired,andIdon’tmeanbecausehe’snowamiddle-aged
governorinsteadofayoungactionhero.BackinthedaysofConantheBarbarian,hestillfoundhimself
onoccasiontobetoopoopedto“pump.”Whatevertheirsize,musclesneedtheirrestafterthey’vebeen
taxedtoomuch,inordertobouncebacktotheiroriginalstrength.(Evenweight-trainingprograms
requireresttoallowmusclestogrowbigger.)Thesameistrueofyourself-controlmuscle—nomatter
howstrongitbecomes,therewillstillbetimeswhenitsenergyisspentandyouneedtoletitrecover
beforeyouasktoomuchofit.Ideally,youwouldrefrainfromdoinganythingthatrequiresself-control,
andgiveittherestitneeds.Butlifeisfarfromideal,andwecan’talwaysdecidewhenwe’llneedto
relyonourself-controlagaintokeepusontracktoachievingourgoals.

Howcanwespeedupourself-controlrecovery,orgiveitaboostwhenreservesarelow?Thereare

severalstrategiesyoucanusewhenrestisnotanoption.Oneapproachwouldbetotakeadvantageonce
againofcontagion.Justaswecan“catch”agoalsimplyfromobservingsomeoneelsepursuingit,it
turnsoutthatwecan“catch”self-controlbythinkingaboutpeopleweknowwhoseemtohave
boatloadsofit.Peoplewhowereaskedtothinkaboutafriendwithgoodself-control,forexample,held
ontoahandgripmuchlongerthanpeoplewhothoughtaboutafriendwithpoorself-control.
Researchersfoundthesameresultswhenpeopleobservedsomeonewhowassuccessfullyexercising
self-control(inthiscase,eatingcarrotswhilestaringataplateofwarmandaromaticchocolatechip
cookies).

Sothenexttimeyouneedalittleextrastrength,youcantrythinkingaboutsomeoneyou

knowwhoexcelswhenitcomestoresistingtemptation.Italsodoesn’thurttobefriendotherhigh
achievers,sincetheirself-controlskillscan(almostliterally)ruboffonyou.

Becarefulusingthisstrategy,however,becauseinparticularcircumstancesitcanbackfire.Did

anyoneeverwatchyouworkinghardatsomethingandsay,“I’mgettingtiredjustlookingatyou”?If
so,theyprobablyweren’tkidding.Watchingotherpeopleexertalotofself-controlcaneitherboostor
depleteyourownself-controlreserves,dependingonhowyouwatchthem.Whenwesimplyobserve
someonepursuingthegoalofresistingtemptation,it’scontagious.However,whenwementally
simulatewhattheyaredoing,imaginingtheirthoughts,feelings,andactionsvividlyinourmindsasifit
werehappeningtous,itcansapourownself-controlstrengthjustasifwewereactuallydoingthework
ourselves!

Inastudythatillustratedtheseoppositeeffects,participantswereaskedtoreadaboutawaiterwho

hadarrivedatworkhungrybutwhowasunabletoeatonthejobwithouttheriskofgettingfired.The
storydescribedindetailallthedeliciousfoodsbeingservedandhowharditwasforthewaitertoresist
sneakingabite.Halfoftheparticipantswereaskedtosimplyreadthestory,whiletheotherhalfwere
askedtoimaginewhatitwasliketobethewaiterandtotrytoexperiencehisthoughtsandfeelings.
Next,allparticipantsweregivenatestofself-control:theyweregivenalistoftwelvemid-tohigh-
pricedproducts(likecarsanddesignerwatches)andwereaskedtolisthowmuchtheywouldbewilling
topayforeach.(Whenself-controlislow,wetendtogetabitmorerecklesswithourdollars.)The
researchersaveragedthepricesforthetwelveitemsandfoundthatthepeoplewhotookthewaiter’s
perspectivepaidanaverageofover$6,000moreforeachitemthanthepassivereaders!Empathyis
obviouslyavaluableandnecessaryemotion—lotsofgoodthingscancomefromwalkingamilein
anotherperson’sshoes—butitcanmeanasignificantdrainonyourself-controlreserves.Whenyouare
tacklingaparticularlydifficultgoal,maintainingalittlepsychologicaldistancecanbeaveryeffective
strategy.

Inadditiontousingcontagion,youcanalsotrytogiveyourself-controlaboostbygivingyourselfa

pick-me-up.Idon’tmeanacocktail—Imeansomethingthatputsyouinagoodmood.(Again,nota
cocktail—Irealizetheycanbemood-enhancing,butalcoholisdefinitelynotself-controlenhancing.)
Goodmoodscanbecreatedinanynumberofways,butgiftsdefinitelyseemtodothetrick.

Inonestudy,peoplewhohadusedupsomeoftheirself-controlstrengthweregivenathank-yougift

—abagofcandytiedupwithaniceribbon.Thentheirself-controlwastestedbyaskingthemtodrink
asmuchastheycouldofanunpleasantbeverage(onceagain,vinegarKool-Aid—experimental
psychologistshaveanoddsenseofhumor).Theparticipantswhohadbeengiventhemood-enhancing
giftdranktwiceasmuchasthosewhowerenotgivenagift(5.5ouncesascomparedto2.7ounces).
Theyevendrankasmuchasthoseparticipantswhohadn’tusedupanyself-controlstrengthinthefirst
place.Inotherwords,thegoodmoodcreatedbythegiftcausedself-controlreservestobounceback
veryrapidlytotheirnormallevel.Thesamepatternofresultsemergedwhenagoodmoodwascreated
bywatchingacomedyvideo.Thinkingorwritingaboutyourmostimportantvaluesandwhythey
mattertoyoualsodoesthetrick.Really,anythingthatliftsyourspiritsshouldalsorestoreyourself-
controlstrengthwhenyou’relookingforaquickfix.

ThereisonemorewaytoboostyourreservesthatIwanttomention,anditwillprobablystrikeyou

asveryodd.Ithastodowiththe(recentlydiscovered)wayinwhichself-controlstrengthmanifests
itselfinthebody,physicallyspeaking.Itturnsoutthatself-controloperates,atleastinpart,through
bloodglucose.

That’sright—yourwillpowerisinfluencedbytheamountofsugarthatisinyour

bloodstreamfrommomenttomoment.Multiplestudieshavenowshownthataperson’sbloodglucose
issignificantlylowerafterself-control-depletingtaskslikethoughtsuppression,controllingattention,
helpingothers,copingwiththoughtsofdeath,orsuppressingprejudicialresponsestowardothers.More
important,it’snotjustanydifficultactivitythatusesupglucose,butspecificallythoseactivitiesthat
requiresignificantself-control.

Itgetsevenmorestrange:consumingglucosethrougheatingordrinkingactuallyrestoresyourself-

regulatorystrength,atleasttemporarily.Glucoseisabsorbedintoyourbloodstreamatanaverageof
aboutthirtycaloriesperminute,andafterroughlytenminutesitcanbemetabolizedtothebrain.

thismethodneedsalittletimetowork,butinlaboratorystudiesithasbeenshowntobeaseffectiveas
contagionorpick-me-upsinboostingwillpower.Forexample,psychologistsfoundthatdrinkingKool-
Aidlemonademadewithsugar(butnotwithSplenda,asugarsubstitutethatdoesn’tcontainglucose)
helpedpeoplewhoseself-controlhadbeendepletedperformaswellontasksthatrequiredaccuracyand

persistenceasthosewhohadn’tbeendepletedatall.Inanotherstudy,glucosedrinkerswhohadtakena
difficultexamsubsequentlygavemoretocharityandofferedmorehelptoaclassmatethanSplenda
drinkers(thoughwemayliketothinkitcomesnaturally,generosityoftenrequiresawholelotofself-
controltofightoffourmoreselfishimpulses).

Soifyouneedalittleboostofwillpower,considertakingstepstoraiseyourbloodglucose.It’s

importanttokeepinmind,though,thatconsumingproteinandcomplexcarbohydratesisabetterwayto
maintainbloodglucoselevelsoveralongerperiod.Sugarydrinksandcandiesmaygiveyouaburstof
self-controlstrength,butitwillburnoutquickly.Plus,youdon’twanttoincreaseyourwillpowerifit
meansriskingdiabetesandunhealthyweightgain.Nottomentionhowitwillirritateyourdentist.

WhenThere’sNoGasLeftintheTank

Therewillbetimeswhen,afteralong,busy,orunusuallytryingday,youareprettymuchcompletely
burnedout.There’sjustnothingleftinyourself-controlreserves,andthefixesI’vejustdescribedaren’t
enoughtohelpyoubattlewhatevertemptationyoumaybefacing.There’sareasonwhymostpeople
breaktheirdiets,drinktoomuch,orgiveintotheurgetosmokeintheevening,ratherthanfirstthingin
themorning.RecoveringaddictsusetheacronymH.A.L.T.—Hungry,Angry,Lonely,Tired—toremind
themselvesofthecircumstancesunderwhichtheyaremostlikelytorelapse.Eachoftheseconditionsis
characterizedbyhavingloweredself-control.Thisiswhenwearemostvulnerableandalsowhenitis
mostimportanttotakestepstoprotectyourgoalpursuitfrombadinfluences.

Thereare,fortunately,strategiesyoucanusetolimityourneedforself-controlwhenyoufinditis

lacking.First,rememberthataccordingtothelawsofphysics,bodiesinmotiontendtostayinmotion,
unlesssomethingactstostopthem.Well,thesamethingcanbesaidabouthumanbehavior,too.Your
actionshaveakindofinertia—onceyoustartdoingsomethingitoftentakesanactofself-controlto
stop.Thisgetshardertodothelongerthebehaviorgoeson.Forinstance,it’seasiertobeabstinentif
youstopatthefirstkiss,ratherthanlettingthingsgethotandheavy.It’seasiertopassonthepotato
chipsentirely,ratherthaneatjustoneortwo.Stoppingbeforeyoustartisanexcellentstrategytokeep
yourneedforself-controltoaminimum.

Second,rememberthatwhythinking(focusingonourlong-termgoals,values,andideals)andself-

monitoring(comparinghowyouaredoingwithhowyouwanttobedoing)arealsoexcellentmethods
forfightingtemptation.I’malotlesslikelytogiveintothesweetsirensongofthepieinmy
refrigeratorwhenIfocusonwantingtohaveahealthyweightandlookgoodinmyjeans,orwhenIhop
onthescalebeforeIpickupafork.

Third,whateveryoudo,don’ttrytopursuetwogoalsatoncethatbothrequirealotofself-control.At

least,notifyoucanhelpit.Thisisreallyjustaskingfortrouble.Youneedtorespectthat,nomatterwho
youare,yourself-controlcapacityhasitslimits.Forexample,studiesshowthatpeoplewhotrytoquit
smokingwhiledieting,inordertoavoidthetemporaryweightgainthatoftenaccompaniessmoking
cessation,aremorelikelytofailatbothenterprisesthanpeoplewhotacklethemoneatatime.

Finally,here’sonelaststrategyforovercomingatotallossofwillpower:payyourselfforbeinggood.

Studiesshowthatwell-chosenincentives,onesthatappealtothespecificpersoninquestion,can
compensateforalackofself-controlstrengthbyincreasingoverallmotivationtosucceed.Cashisone
kindofincentive,butitisbynomeanstheonlykind.Whenpeoplebelievethattheycanlearnfrom

whattheyaredoing,orwhentheyaretoldthatotherpeoplewillbenefitfromtheirpersistence,itcanbe
atleastaseffectiveasmorematerialrewards.

AFinalWordofCaution:Don’tTemptFate

Afterreadingthischapter,Ihopethatyouareconfidentthatyoucanbuildyourownself-control
muscle,boostyourstrengthwhenitislow,andcompensateforalossofstrengthusingthetechniquesI
havedescribed.I,forone,amcompletelyconfidentthatyoucan.Butthereisonesenseinwhichtoo
muchconfidencecanbedangerous,anditinvolvesamistakethatyoucaneasilyavoidsolongasyou
areawareofit.Recentresearchshowsthatmostpeopleoverestimatetheirabilitytocontroltheir
impulses—inotherwords,theythinktheyhavemoreself-controlthantheyactuallydo.Themore
inflatedourbeliefsare,themoreweexposeourselvestotemptation,believingthatwewillbeableto
handleiteasily.Whenwearenolongertired,hungry,orinwithdrawal,wetendtolosetheabilityto
imaginewhatthosestatesarereallylikeandhowvulnerableweareinthem.Soweoverestimateour
controlandputourselvesrightinharm’sway.

Forexample,onestudylookedatsmokerswhowereintheprocessofquitting.Thosewhohadn’t

smokedinthreeweeks,andwerethereforewelloutofthephysicalwithdrawalphase,wereaskedhow
confidenttheywereintheirabilitytoresisttheurgetosmokeinthefuture.Theywerealsoaskedabout
whetherornottheyactivelyavoidedtemptation—shunningthosesituationsandplaces(likebarsor
beingoutwithfriendswhosmoke)thatmightincreasetheirurgetosmoke.Themoreconfidentthe
formersmokerswereabouttheirabilitytoresisttemptation,thelesslikelytheyweretoactuallyavoid
it.Severalmonthslater,theresearchersfoundthatsmokerswhoavoidedtemptationwerelesslikelyto
relapse,whilethosewhohadbeensoconfidentwerefarmorelikelytohavereturnedtotheirbad
habits.

Intheend,youaremuchmorelikelytosuccessfullyreachyourgoalsifyoudowhatyoucanto

developyourself-controlstrength,whileremainingrespectfulofitsinherentlylimitednature.
Understandingwhenitmightfailyou,andmakingplanswheneverpossible(seethelastchapter)for
howyouwilldealwiththatvulnerabilitywhenitoccurs,willleaveyoufarbetterpreparedtoriseto
whateverchallengesdailylifethrowsyouway.

WhatYouCanDo

•Useitorloseit.Yourself-controlmuscleisjustliketheothermusclesinyourbody.Whenit

doesn’tgetmuchexercise,itbecomesweakerovertime.Butwhenyougiveitregularworkouts
byputtingittogooduse,itwillgrowstrongerandstrongerandbetterabletohelpyou
successfullyreachyourgoals.

•Pumpitup.Tobuildupyourself-control,takeonachallengethatrequiresyoutodosomething

you’dhonestlyrathernotdo.Giveuphigh-fatsnacks,doahundredsit-upsaday,standup
straight,trytolearnanewskill.Whenyoufindyourselfwantingtogivein,giveup,orjustnot
bother—don’t.Startwithjustoneactivity,andmakeaplanforhowyouwilldealwithtroubles

whentheyoccur(“IfIhaveacravingforasnack,Iwilleatonepieceoffreshorthreepiecesof
driedfruit”).Itwillbehardinthebeginning,butitwillgeteasier.Asyourstrengthgrows,you
cantakeonmorechallengesandstepupyourself-controlworkout.

•Giveitarest.Musclesgettired.Rememberthatyourself-controlstrengthdoesgetdepleted

whenyou’reusingupalotofit.Immediatelyafteryou’veputittothetest,youwillbemore
vulnerablethanyouusuallyaretotemptations,distractions,andotherpitfallsthatcanthrowyou
offtrack.Ifyoucan,don’tasktoomuchofyourselfuntilyourstrengthhashadachanceto
bounceback.

•Catchsomecontrol.Whenyouneedaboost,tryusingcontagion.Justobservingsomeone

exertingself-control,orthinkingaboutapersonyouknowwho’sloadedwithit,willgiveyoua
surgeofself-controlstrength.(Butbecarefultoavoidtoomuchempathy—imaginingwhatitis
liketobeinthatotherperson’sshoesastheytaxtheirself-controlmusclecanendupweakening
yoursevenmore!)Goodmoodsalsoenhanceself-control,sotrygivingyourselfa
(nonalcoholic)pick-me-uptoreplenishyourreserves.

•Tryalittlesomethingsweet.Self-controlrelies,atleastinpart,ontheamountofglucosein

yourbloodstream.Thebestwaytomaintainaconstantsupplyoverthelonghaulisbyeating
proteinandcomplexcarbs,butwhenyouneedaquickerfix,tryasnackordrinkmadewith
sugar(butnotwithartificialsweetenerslikeSplenda).Ittakesabouttenminutesforthesugarto
bemetabolizedtothebrain,sogiveitalittletimetowork.Andrememberthatsugarfrom
simplecarbsburnsoutquickly,sodon’tcountonitlastingtoolong.

•Stopbeforeyoustart.Whenself-controlreservesarelow,it’simportanttousestrategiesthat

keepyourneedforself-controltoaminimum.Rememberthatitisharder(andrequiresmore
willpower)tostopanyactiononceyou’vegottenstartedthanitistojustnotstartinthefirst
place.(It’seasiertopassonthepotatochipbagaltogetherthanitistostopatoneortwochips.)
Otherstrategiesthatcanhelpyouincludewhythinkingaboutyourgoal,strongerself-
monitoringtomakesureyouarestayingontrack,andusingotherincentives(likepaymentsor
rewards)toboostyourmotivationtosucceed.

•Don’ttemptfate.Nomatterhowstrongyourself-controlmusclebecomes,it’simportantto

alwaysrespectthefactthatitislimited,andifyouovertaxityouwilltemporarilyrunout.Don’t
trytotakeontwochallengingtasksatonce,ifyoucanhelpit(likequittingsmokinganddieting
atthesametime).Anddon’tputyourselfinharm’sway—manypeopleareoverlyconfidentin
theirabilitytoresisttemptation,andasaresulttheyputthemselvesinsituationswhere
temptationsabound.Whymakeitharderonyourselfifyoudon’thaveto?

CHAPTER11

KeepItReal

IFTHERE’SONEPEARLOFWISDOMYOUWILLFINDINJUSTABOUTeveryself-helpbook,
it’sthatitisreally,reallyimportanttobeconfidentandoptimisticwhentryingtoreachallyourgoals.
Youareconstantlybeingtoldto“BelieveinYourself!”“VisualizeSuccess!”and“StayPositive!”They
practicallyshoutitatyou.AndI’mnotsayingthatthey’rewrong,exactly.

Itistruethat,forsomegoals,believingyouwillsucceedreallygetsyourmotivationaljuicesflowing.

ButnoticethatIsaid“some”goals.Younowknowthattherearemanykindsofgoals,andwhile
optimismisjustwhatthedoctororderedforsomeofthem,it’snotallthatnecessaryorhelpfulfor
others.Inthischapter,I’lltellyoumoreaboutwhenoptimismisagoodstrategyandwhenit’savery
badone.I’llshowyouwhenitpaystothinkpositive,andwhenyoushouldtampdownyour
expectationstoavoidthepitfallsoftoomuchbravado.You’lllearnthedifferencebetweenrealistic
optimism(oftenanessentialingredientforsuccess)andunrealisticoptimism(anillusionthatfeelsgood
butcancausetrouble).You’llalsogetsometipstohelpyoupsychyourselfuptosucceedwhenasunny
outlookiswhat’scalledfor,andallyou’reseeingisrain.

AlwaysLookontheBrightSideofLife...

Foryears,itseemedtosocialpsychologiststhatwhenitcametooptimism,youreallycouldn’tgettoo
muchofagoodthing.Generallyspeaking,optimismisthebeliefthatthingsaregoingtoworkoutwell
foryou—perhapsbecauseyouhaveconfidenceinyourselfandyourabilities,ormaybebecauseyou
believethatGodordestinyisonyourside.Somepeoplecallthis“positivethinking,”andwithouta
doubtithasaveryclearupside.Justtogiveyouafeelforhowgoodoptimismseemstobe,hereisa
sampleofsomeoftheamazingbenefitsresearchhasshownittopredict:greaterphysicalhealth,lower
riskofmortalityamongcancerpatients,fasterrecoveryfrombypasssurgery,greaterlikelihoodof
obtainingprenatalcare,lesspostpartumdepression,lessseveredepressionafterastressfullifeevent,
betteradjustmenttocollegeamongfirst-yearstudents,andbettercopingwithinfertilityandconception
difficulty.It’shardtofindalifechallengethatdoesn’tseemtoimproveinthepresenceofapositive
outlook.

Asifthatweren’tenough,optimistsevenhavebetterromanticrelationships!Studiesofcommitted

couplesshowthatoptimistsaremuchmorelikelytoworkthroughproblemswiththeirpartnerwithout
resortingtoattackingandblaming.Thesemoreeffective(andlessabrasive)problem-solvingtechniques
leadthemtoexperiencefargreaterhappinessandfulfillmentintheirrelationshipsovertime.

Inevery

areaoftheirlives,optimistsaremorelikelytoconfrontobstaclesthatstandinthewayofachieving
theirgoalsinanactive,directmanner,ratherthanbecomingpassiveoravoidingtheissue.Believing
thattheywillultimatelysucceed,theypersistlongerandcanbemorelikelytoreachtheirgoalsasa

result.

Another,lesswell-knownbenefitofoptimismhastodowiththewaysinwhichweprioritizeour

goals.Somegoalsaremuchmoreimportanttoeachofusthantoothers.Thesearetypicallytheones
thathavethegreatestabilitytoimpactourlives.Often,theyarethegoalswiththebiggest“payoff”—
theonesofferingthemostvaluablerewardsforyoupersonally.Othergoalswemaysetforourselvesare
ofrelativelyminorimportanceincomparison.Forexample,thepayoffIreceivefromachievingmy
goaltobeagoodmotherorasuccessfulpsychologistisfargreaterthanwhatIgetfromachievingsome
ofmylessergoals,likecleaningoutmyrefrigeratororfiguringouthowtoprogrammyTiVo.

Itmakessensethattomaximizeyourhappiness,youshoulddevotemoretime,energy,and

enthusiasmtothemoreimportantgoals,sacrificingthelesseroneswhennecessary.Thisisexactlywhat
optimistsdo.Inessence,theyarenotonlybetteratachievingmanygoals,buttheyarealsobetterat
jugglingmultiplegoals.Forexample,astudyofaerobicexercisersrevealedthatthemorethe
participantsvaluedthegoalofdoingaerobicexercise,themoretheoptimisticparticipantsworkedout.
Forthosewithamorepessimisticoutlook,theamountoftimespentexercisingwasn’tatallrelatedto
itspersonalvalue.Otherstudieshaveproducedsimilarresults,withgoalsasdiverseasmakingfriends
andgettinggoodgrades.Againandagain,wefindthatoptimistsdevotemoretimeandenergytothe
goalsthatreallymatter,andlesstotheonesthatdon’t.

Optimistsarealsomoresensitivetopositiveinformationintheirenvironment.

Theyaremorelikely

toseethesilverlining,toturnevenaterribleexperienceintoanot-so-badone.Becausetheyareableto
seethegoodinalmostanysituation,theyareparticularlygiftedwhenitcomestocopingwithlife’s
hiccups.

ButBewaretheDarkSide...

Morerecently,it’sbecomeclearthatbeinganoptimistisn’treallyallwineandroses.Itturnsoutthat
alwaysexpectingthebestleavesyouvulnerabletocertaintypesofmistakes—mistakesapessimist
wouldnevermake.

Forinstance,becausetheybelievethatsuccessisinevitable,optimistsarelesslikelytothinkthrough

allthepossibleoutcomesoftheiractions.Theyarelesslikelytoadequatelyprepareandmorelikelyto
engageinriskybehavior.(InsertanyoneofcountlesspossiblereferencestooverlyconfidentAmerican
governmentofficials,andthetroublethey’vegottenusinto,righthere.)Forexample,whenoptimists
gamble,theyarequitelikelytoincreasetheirwagersafterastringoflosses,believingthatsuccessis
awaitingthemonthenextshuffleorrollofthedice.

Giventhatalmosteverygameinacasinois

designedsothattheoddsheavilyfavorthehouse,thisisastrategythatdelightsthemanagementwhile
leavingtheoptimistwithafarlighterwallet.

Pessimists,ontheotherhand,expecttheworse,sotheyarefarmorelikelytoprepareformany

possibilities,includingthepossibilitythatthingsmaygobadly.Afterafewroundsoflosses,gambling
pessimistsbegintolosefaiththattheywillwinandthereforestopplaying.Infact,it’sveryunusualto
seeatruepessimistenteracasinooftheirownfreewillinthefirstplace.

Optimistsandpessimistsalsodifferinthekindofthinkingtheydoafterapoorperformance.When

youhavefailedtoreachagoalinthepast,didyoueverwonderafterwardwhatwouldhavehappenedif
youhaddonethingsdifferently?These“what-ifs”and“ifonlys”arewhatpsychologistscall

counterfactualthinking,andthat’ssomethingbothoptimistsandpessimistsareverylikelytodowhen
thingsdon’tgotheirway.The“what-ifs”theyconsider,however,areverydifferent.Pessimiststhink
abouthowtheycouldhavesucceedediftheyhaddonethingsdifferently(“Itwouldhaveworkedifonly
Ihad...”),andthisturnsouttobeveryusefulforfutureperformance,becauseitallowsyoutobebetter
preparedforwhatwillhappennexttime.Optimists,ontheotherhand,tendtothinkabouthowthey
couldhavescrewedthingsupevenmore(“ItwouldhavebeenevenworseifIhadn’t...”).Thiskindof
counterfactualthinkingservesonlyonepurpose—tomakeyoufeelbetteraboutfailing.Whilelifting
yourspiritsisanunderstandablegoal,particularlywhentherearenofutureperformancesorwhen
circumstancesareoutofyourcontrol,it’sdefinitelynotgoingtohelpyoutoimproveandtoultimately
reachyourgoal.

Themosttroublingformofoptimismiswhatpsychologistscallunrealisticoptimism.Thisismore

thanjustpsychingyourselfuptobelieveyoucansucceed—it’satotalunwillingnesstolookthe
objectivefactsofrealityintheface.Itisalsoremarkablycommon.Alandmarkstudybypsychologist
NeilWeinstein,publishedthirtyyearsago,showedthatmostcollege-agedAmericansbelieved
themselvestobesignificantlymorelikelythantheirpeerstoonedayowntheirownhome,makealarge
startingsalary,travelaroundEurope,andlivepasteighty.Theyalsobelievedthattheywerelesslikely
thantheirclassmatestodevelopadrinkingproblem,getdivorced,contractavenerealdisease,getfired
fromtheirjob,orhaveaheartattack.

It’sakindofvariationontheLakeWobegoneffect—notonlydoweallthinkthatweareabove

averageinourabilities,butwealsothinkgoodfortunewillsmileonusmorethanitwillsmileon
everyoneelse.Thiskindofunrealisticoptimismismostlikelyseenincasesofcontrollableevents(e.g.,
becomingseriouslyoverweight),rareevents(e.g.,goingbankrupt),orrelativelybenignoccurrences
(e.g.,doinglesswellonanexamthatyouexpected).Butnoticethatwhenitcomestocontrollingyour
weight,managingyourfinances,orpreparingforyourexams,thereareeffectivestepsthatcanbetaken
topreventfailure.Ofcourse,youaren’tparticularlylikelytotakethesestepsifyouthinkyou’llnever
havetheseproblemsinthefirstplace.

Yearsago,IdatedanaspiringNewYorkactorwhowaitedtablesataTimesSquaretouristtrapin

ordertopaytherentwhilewaitingforhis“bigbreak.”Ionlyeversawhiminoneproduction,soonafter
westarteddating—anoff-off-off(howmanytimescanyousay“off”?)BroadwayproductionofRomeo
&Juliet.Hewasquitegood,andatthetimeIthoughthemightjusthaveafutureinacting.Hecertainly
believedhissuccesswasinevitable—hehad,hetoldme,“starquality.”Theonlyproblemwas,henever
auditionedforanything.(ItturnedoutthatafriendhadgottenhimtheRomeojob.)Monthswentby,
whilehisstackofglossyblack-and-whiteheadshotslaytotallyundisturbed,gatheringdust.(Healso
spentmostofthattimegatheringdustonmysofa.)Hewas“waitingfortherightparttocomealong”—
somethingworthynodoubtofhisyetunknownawesometalent.WhileIrealizethatsometimesayoung
actoris“discovered”byarovingdirectororproducer,mostsuccessfulactorswilltellyouthatittakes
yearsofhardworkandamountainofglossyheadshotstomakeitinthatgruelingbusiness.ThelastI
heardofhim,myformerboyfriendwasstilldistributingpastadishesandhousesalads,waitingfor
StevenSpielbergtowanderinandofferhimastarringrole.Hisoddsarenotgood.

Thedifferencebetweenunrealisticoptimism,whichisusuallyunproductiveandsometimes

dangerous,andrealisticoptimism,whichiscriticalforachievingmanyofourgoals,liesinwhyyouare
optimistic.Whenyouareoptimisticbecauseyoubelieveyoucanexertsomecontroloverwhetheryou
succeedorfail,byputtinginthenecessaryeffort,makingplans,andfindingtherightstrategies,that’s
realistic.It’salsoempoweringandhighlymotivating.If,ontheotherhand,youareoptimisticfor
reasonsthatarebeyondyourcontrol,likerelyingonsomefixedability(“I’llsucceedbecauseI’m

smarterthanotherpeople”)orluck(“I’llsucceedbecausethingsalwaysworkoutforme”),itcanbe
harmful.Oddsare,youwon’tprepareforthetaskthewayyoushould,andyouwillbetooquicktogive
upwhenthingsstartgoingbadlyforyou.

Thedifferencebetweenrealisticandunrealisticoptimismwasnicelydemonstratedinastudyof

incomingcollegefreshmen.Theresearchersmeasuredthestudents’optimismwhentheyarrivedon
campus,andfoundthatmanywerestronglyoptimisticbutnotparticularlyrealistic.Halfofthosehigh
inoptimismweregivenaspecialintervention,calledattributionalretraining.“Attributions”arethe
explanationswecomeupwithforoursuccessesandfailures—whatwebelievetobetheunderlying
causes.Intheretraining,thestudentsweretaughtthatit’sbettertoattributeyourperformancetohow
mucheffortyouputinandwhichstrategiesyouuse,ratherthantohowsmartortalentedyouare.The
researchersalsoexplainedthatevenability-relatedperformance(likemathskill)ischangeableandwill
improveovertimewithlearning.Thisinterventionturnedtheunrealisticoptimistsintorealistic
optimists,whobecameconfidentintheirabilitytomakesuccesshappen,ratherthansimplyassuming
thatitwould.

Theresultsoftheretrainingwereremarkable.Thosehighlyoptimisticstudentswhoreceived

attributionalretrainingcompletedtheirfirstyearwithaGPAaverageequivalenttoaB,comparedtoaC
averageamonghighlyoptimisticstudentswhoreceivednotraining!Theseresults,andotherslikeit,
showthatit’saverygoodideatobeoptimisticaboutyourfuture,solongasyouunderstandthatyour
actionsaredirectlyresponsibleformakingsuccessareality.

Ifyouareconcernedthattheconfidenceyoufeelaboutreachingyourgoalmightnotberealistic,

thereareafewquestionsyoucanaskyourselftofindout.Goingthroughthisprocesscanhelpyouturn
thatunrealisticoptimismintoamorerealisticoptimismthatwillactuallyworkinyourfavor.

1.Askyourselfwhyyouthinkyouwilldowell.Forexample,ifyouareheadingintoajob

interviewandyoufeelyouhaveanadvantageoverothercandidates,thinkaboutwhyyouhave
thatadvantage.Itmayhelptowriteitdownsothatyoucanfullyarticulatethereasons.

2.Howlikelyareotherpeopletohavethatadvantageaswell?Forexample,ifyouthinkyouare

likelytolandthejobbecauseyouaresosmart,orbecauseyougraduatedfromagoodschool
withagoodGPA,considerthefactthattheremaybeotherapplicantswhoarealsoverysmart,
withgoodGPAsfromgoodschools.Willyoureallystandout?Isthatrealistic?

3.Now,thinkabouthowyoucantakecontroloverwhetheryousucceedorfail.Whatactionscan

youtaketoincreaseyourchancesoflandingthejob?Howcanyoupreparefortheinterviewso
thatyouwilldoyourbest?Howcanyoumakesuccesshappen?Takingstepstoensurethatyou
willreachyourgoalwillgiveyoutheauthentic,realistic,andwell-deservedoptimismyouneed
todoyourbest.

TherearetwomorepointsthatIwanttomakeaboutthedangersofoptimism.Ihavealready

discussedthembothinpreviouschapters,butIthinktheyareworthreiterating.First,rememberthat
optimismisabadideawhenyouarepursuingpreventiongoals.Anytimeyouseeagoalintermsof
safetyanddanger,anytimeyouarefocusedonwhatyouhavetolose,youarebetteroffmotivating
yourselfwiththoughtsofwhatcouldgowrongratherthanwithconfidencethateverythingwillgoright.

Second,rememberthatthereisabigdifferencebetweenbelievingyouwillsucceedandbelieving

successwillcomeeasily(Chapter1).Infact,believingsuccesswillcomeeasilyisanothercaseof
unrealisticoptimism—itjustisn’trealistictothinkthatyouwillachieveanymeaningfulandworthwhile
goalwithoutliftingafinger.Reachingyoursgoalstakescarefulthinking,preparation,andeffort.The
goodnewsisthateachoneofushaswhatittakestomakethathappen,whichiscauseforoptimism
indeed.

IncreasingOptimism

Sometimes,believingthatyouwillsucceedisessentialifyouwanttoachieveyourgoal.Thisis

particularlytrueforpromotion-focusedgoals—thosethatweseeintermsofwhatwehavetogain.How
canyouincreaseyouroptimism,andgrowmoreconfidentthatyouwillreachyourgoal,whenyouare
feelingalittleunsureofyourself?

Foronething,youcantakeadvantageofthestrategiesusedbypsychologistsintheirstudiesof

attributionalretraining.Mostpeoplefeelunsureabouttheirchancesforsuccessbecausetheyfeelthat
theylacktheabilitytosucceed.Moreoftenthannot,theyaredeadwrong.Questionyourassumptions.
Considerotherpossibilities.Forexample,isreachingthisgoalreallyaboutability,orisitmoreabout
puttingintheeffort,persistingthroughthedifficulty,andusinggoodstrategieslikeplanning?Ifit’sthe
latter(anditalmostalwaysis),thenitisabsolutelywithinyourpowertoachievethatgoal.Itcanbe
helpfultothinkaboutsomerolemodels—peoplewhohavesucceededinachievingthesamegoal.
You’llfindthathighachievers,withoutexception,needtoworkhardandplanwelltoaccomplishtheir
goals,andthatissomethinganyonecando.

Foranother,youcanalsoboostyourconfidencebytakingapageoutofyourownpast.Reflecton

someofyourpastsuccesses—thechallengesyoufacedandthestrategiesyouusedtoovercomethem.It
canbeveryhelpfultotakeabouttenminutesandwriteaboutanaccomplishmentyouareparticularly
proudof,andhowyoupulleditalloff.Sometimes,whenyouarefeelinginsecure,allittakesisalittle
reminderofhowcapableyoureallyaretochangeyourpointofview.

AthirdstrategyIstronglyrecommendisusingthestrategyofif-thenplanningtoidentifyand

challengeanynegativethoughtsastheyoccur.Asapartofyourplan,decidewhichspecificoptimistic
thoughtsyouwillusetoreplacethepessimisticones.Forexample,“IfIstarttodoubtmyself,thenI
willtellmyselfthatIhavewhatittakestosucceed!”AsImentionedinChapter8,thistechniquehas
beenshowntobeveryeffectiveindealingwithdisruptivethoughts,anditwillstrengthenyour
optimisticoutlookovertimeifyoucontinuetouseit.

Asafourthstrategy,whatabout“visualizingsuccess”?Iwon’tnamenames,butitseemslikethere

areanawfullotofself-helpbooksouttheretellingpeoplethatiftheyjustpicturewhattheywantin
theirminds,itwillsomehowhappen.Thatwouldbegreatifitweretrue,butscientificallyspeaking,
therereallyisn’tmuchevidenceforit.Ontheotherhand,visualizationcanbeveryhelpful,ifyou
imaginethestepsyouwilltakeinordertosucceed,ratherthanthesuccessitself.Mentallysimulating
theprocessofachievingthegoal,ratherthanthehoped-foroutcome,notonlyresultsinamore
optimisticoutlook,butingreaterplanningandpreparation.Pictureyourselfdoingwhatittakesto
succeed,andyouwillsoonfindyourselfbelievingthatyoucan.

Thebestpartis,you’llbeabsolutely

right.

WhatYouCanDo

•Someoptimismisgood.Optimismhasloadsofbenefits.Itincreasesmotivation,helpsyou

prioritize,andbetterequipsyoutohandlethecurveballsthatgetthrownyourway.

•Someoptimismisdangerous.Optimismcanalsoleadtosomecostlymistakes—notthinking

throughallthepossibleconsequencesofyouractions,failingtoadequatelyprepare,taking
unnecessaryrisks.Afterasetback,optimistsaremorelikelytotrytomakethemselvesfeel
better,ratherthanfigureouthowtheycoulddobetternexttimearound.

•Knowthedifference.Thekeyistounderstandthedifferencebetweenunrealisticoptimismand

realisticoptimism.Unrealisticoptimismisaconfidenceinthingsyoucan’tactuallycontrol—
likeafixedability,fate,orluck.Ifyoubelieveyouwillsucceedbecauseyouarenaturallysmart,
orlucky,orthatyouhave“starquality,”youarejustaskingfortrouble.Unrealisticoptimists
don’ttakethestepstheyneedtosucceed,andtheydon’thavethefirstcluewhattodowhen
thingsstarttogowrong.

•Keepitreal.Realisticoptimismisconfidenceinthingsyoucanactuallycontrol.It’sbelieving

thatyouwillsucceedbecauseyouwillmakesuccesshappen,byputtingineffort,staying
motivated,andusingtherightstrategies.Realisticoptimistsarelesslikelytomakethosecostly
mistakesandfarmorelikelytoultimatelyachievetheirgoals.

•Ifitisn’treal,thenmakeitreal.Whentacklingagoal,makesuretheoptimismyouarefeeling

isrealistic.Whenindoubt,usethemethodIoutlinedinthischapter(identifyingwhyyou
believeyouwilldowell,challenginganyunrealisticassumptions,replacingthemwithplansfor
stepsyoucantaketobringaboutyourownsuccess).

•Takethefocusoffability.Toincreaseyouroptimism,thetrickisoftentoreplaceanydoubts

aboutyourabilitytosucceedwiththerealizationthat,muchmoreoftenthannot,reachingagoal
isactuallyabouteffort,persistence,andplanning.Itcanbehelpfultoconsiderrolemodelswho
achievedthesamegoal—highachieverssucceedbecausetheyworkhardandworksmart,and
thatissomethinganyonecanlearntodo.

•Takeapagefromyourpast.Anotherstrategytoboostyouroptimismistothinkaboutyourown

pastachievements.Areminderofhowcapableyoureallyarecandowondersforyour
confidence.

•Don’tvisualizesuccess.Instead,visualizethestepsyouwilltakeinordertosucceed.Just

picturingyourselfcrossingthefinishlinedoesn’tactuallyhelpyougetthere—butvisualizing
howyouruntherace(thestrategiesyouwilluse,thechoicesyouwillmake,theobstaclesyou
willface)notonlywillgiveyougreaterconfidence,butalsoleaveyoubetterpreparedforthe
taskahead.Andthatisdefinitelyrealisticoptimism.

CHAPTER12

KnowWhentoHangOn

INMYCAREERASARESEARCHERANDATEACHER,I’VESEENVERYsmartpeoplegiveup
onanewtaskorsubjectthemomentitbecamedifficult,andI’veseenpeopleofseeminglymodest
abilityfighttheirwaythroughtotheendandsucceed.Whenyoustudyachievement,oneofthefirst
thingsyoulearnisthatinnateability(totheextentthatthereissuchathing)hassurprisinglylittletodo
withsuccess.Persistence,ontheotherhand,hasalottodowithit.Oneofthemostcommonreasons
wefailtoreachourgoalsisthatwegiveuponthemwaytoosoonandforallthewrongreasons.

Howcanyouincreaseyourpersistence?Inthischapter,I’llsharewithyouseveralstrategiesyoucan

usetobetterequipyourselfforthelonghauls.First,I’llhighlightthekindsofgoals(onesImentioned
inpreviouschapters)thatcreateamind-settohelpyoudealmoreeffectivelywithasteadystreamof
challengesandobstacles.Startwiththerightgoal,andyouwillhavealreadyincreasedthechancesthat
you’llstickitoutforaslongasittakes.

It’salsotruethatpeopleexplaintheirsuccessesorfailuresinsignificantlydifferentways,andthat

thesedifferencesinfluenceyourpersistence.Forinstance,doyouthinkthatgettinganAonatestor
gettingapromotionatworkismostlyaboutbeingsmart,workinghard,orbeinglucky?Theanswer
mattersbecauseitdetermineswhatitwillmeantoyouwhensuccessdoesn’tcomequicklyoreasily.It
won’tsurpriseyoutolearnthatpeoplewhocopewithachallengebythinking“Ineedtoworkharder”
persistmuchlongerthantheoneswhothink“I’munlucky”or“I’mstupid.”

We’lltakealookathowthebeliefsyouholdaboutwhatittakestosucceed,andthekindsofgoals

you’vechosentopursue,haveimpactedyourpersistenceinthepast.We’llalsoconsidertheimpactof
cultureonpersistenceandseehowthesesameideascangoalongwaytowardexplainingthemuch
talked-aboutgapinachievementbetweenAsianandWesternstudents.

However,asimportantaspersistenceisforsuccessinjustabouteveryaspectoflife,Ireallydon’t

thinkIcould,ingoodconscience,writeabookabouthowtoachieveyourgoalswithoutacknowledging
thatsometimesyoureallydoneedtothrowinthetowel.Youhonestlycan’twinthemall.Andjustasit
canbedifficulttohanginthere,itcanalsobevery,verydifficulttoknowwhentoquit.

Asitturnsout,learningwhentogiveuponagoalisalsoaverynecessarypartoflivingahappy,

healthylife.Sointhischapter,Iwillalsotellyouhowandwhenyoushoulddisengagefromgoalsthat
aretoodifficultortoocostlytoattain.You’lllearnhowtomakegooddecisionsaboutwhethertopursue
agoalorletitgo—decisionsbasedonevidence,notfearandfaultylogic.Justasimportant,you’lllearn
howtofeelgoodabout,andbenefitmostfrom,decidingtomoveonwithyourlife.

HowtoKeepOnKeepin’On

Justastherearepeoplewhohavemoreself-controlthanothers,therearealsopeoplewhoaremuch

betterathangingintherewhenthegoinggetsverytough.PsychologistAngelaDuckworthcallsthis
quality“grit,”andwritesthat“thegrittyindividualapproachesachievementasamarathon:hisorher
advantageliesinstamina.”Gritisacombinationofbothlong-termcommitmentandpersistence,andis
measuredbyyouragreementwithstatementslike“Ihaveachievedagoalthattookyearsofwork”and
“IfinishwhateverIbegin.”

Whenhearingawordlikegrit,youprobablythinkofsomeoftheextraordinaryindividualswhohave

overcomenearlyinsurmountableobstaclesagainstallodds—peoplelikeLanceArmstrongorNelson
Mandela(and,ifyouareamoviebuff,JohnWayne).Butordinarypeoplecanbegrittytoo,andstudies
showthatgrittinessisstronglyassociatedwithhigherachievement.Forexample,differencesingrit
predictthelevelofeducationindividualsobtainintheirlifetime.Studentswithmoregritearnhigher
collegeGPAs.GritpredictswhichcadetswillstickouttheirfirstgruelingyearatWestPoint.Griteven
predictswhichroundcontestantswillmakeittoattheScrippsNationalSpellingBee!(Thatlastfinding
turnsouttobemostlyduetothefactthatgrittyspellersdomorestudyingbeforethecompetitionthan
nongrittyones.)

Inanutshell,it’sgreattohavegrit.Thegoodnewsisthat,justasyoucanbuildupself-control

strength,youcanalsoincreaseyourabilitytopersistinthefaceofchallengeifyouwantto.Ifyou
aren’tallthatgrittynow,youcanlearntobe.

First,youcanstartbychoosinggoalsthatwillnaturallyincreaseyourgrit.Getting-bettergoalsput

theemphasisonprogressandimprovement,ratherthanonbe-goodperfectionandvalidation(see
Chapter3).Thesegoalsallowyoutostillgetasenseofaccomplishmentandoptimismoutofhowfar
you’vecome,evenwhenyoustillhavealongwaytogo,andthat’saterrificwaytoenhancegrit.
Similarly,goalsthatareautonomouslychosen,andpursuedfortheirownsake,alsoheightenyourgrit.
Whenagoalauthenticallyreflectsyourownpreferences,values,anddesires,youwantitmore,andyou
canenjoythepursuit(nomatterhowlongitmaytake)nearlyasmuchasyouenjoyfinallyachieving
thegoal.

Justthinkofalltheacademicswhotoilawayformostoftheirlivesinobscurity,hunchedoverdesks

piledhighwithbooksandpapers.Manyspendyears,evendecades,insearchofamathematical
solution,achemicalreaction,ordefinitiveproofthatShakespeare’splayswerewrittenbysomeother
guy.Youwouldthinkthey’dbemiserable,butmostofthetimetheyarefarfromit.Theirgritty
perseveranceinpursuitofsomeparticularlyelusivepieceofknowledgecomesnaturallybecause
academicsgettochoosetheproblemtheyspendtheirlifetimetryingtosolve.

Anotherwaytoincreaseyourgritistomakesureyouareattributingyoursuccessesandfailuresto

therightcauses.Believingthatyourlessthanperfectperformanceistheresultoflowability,
particularlywhenyouaresomeonewhofeelsthatabilitycan’tbechanged,makesyoumuchmore
likelytothinkbadlyofyourself,feelanxiousanddepressed,andloseconfidencethatyouwillreach
yourgoal.

Imagineyougetyourfirstperformancereviewatyournewjob,andyourmanagertellsyou

thatyourcommunicationskills“needimprovement.”Now,ifyoubelievethatyourshynessor
awkwardnessisunchangeable,thatyouarestuckexactlyasyouare,howmotivatedwillyoubetowork
onimprovingthoseskillsandgettingabetterreviewnexttime?Noonefeelsgrittywhentheyhavelost
allhopeforsuccess.

If,however,youbelievethatyouperformedpoorlybecauseyoudidn’ttryhardenoughtogetyour

ideasacross,orthatyoudidn’tapproachcommunicatingwithyourcoworkersintherightway,thenyou
arefarlesslikelytofeelbadandfarmorelikelytoworkontheproblemandkeepontrying.Andthat’s
verygritty,indeed.

Itturnsoutthatthisgrittierwayofthinkingisnotonlybetterforyou,butitisusuallyobjectively

morecorrect.Failuresthatarecausedsolelybyatotallyunchangeableabilityarequiterare.I’mnot
sayingtheydon’thappen—forinstance,Ihavetoadmitthatbecauseofmyheight(I’mfivefootfive),I
canneverdunkabasketballinaregulationhoopwithouttheuseofaladderorspecialshoeswith
springsortinyrockets.SoifImakedunkingmygoal,I’mgoingtoendupdisappointed.ButevenifI
can’tdunk,Icanlearntobeabetterbasketballplayer,becauseplayinganysportwellhasalottodo
withdeterminationandpropertraining.Naturalabilitiesandgiftednessexist,butanycoachwilltellyou
theyarenotnearlyasimportantaseffortandpractice.Improvementisalwayspossible.

Sowhy,then,doweblameourfailuresonlow,unchangeableabilitiesiftheyarereallynotonly

changeable,butrarelytoblameinthefirstplace?Whyarewesoquicktothinkthatwearen’tsmart,
strong,ortalentedenoughtoreachourgoals?Ifourlackofeffort,planning,persistence,andpoor
choiceofstrategiesaretherealculprits,whydon’twerealizeit?Theanswerseems,atleastinpart,to
becultural.Everyculturehasitsownparticularsetofvaluesandbeliefs,andaschildrenweabsorb
thesevaluesandbeliefswithoutevenrealizingit.Westernsocieties,forexample,tendtoplaceagreat
dealofemphasisonmeasuring,andcelebrating,ability—andnowhereisthatmoretruethaninthe
UnitedStates.Americansarefascinatedbystoriesofgeniuses,prodigies,andthe“naturallygifted.”We
celebratepeoplewhowebelievehavespecialabilitiesandtendtoseethosewhoworkhardtosucceed
aslessinnatelycapable.(Thisiswhynoonelikesbeingcalled“booksmart”—theimplicationbeing
thatstudentswhoarereallydiligentabouttheirschoolworkdosobecausetheyaren’tverybright.This
isoneofthemoreidioticmisconceptionsI’veevercomeacross.)It’snotsurprising,really,thatpeople
whogrowupinaculturethatseessuccessasasignofabilitywouldthenproceedtoblametheirown
failuresonalackofit.Butitdoesn’thavetobethatway—andinsomepartsoftheworld,itisn’t.

WhatAsiansDoDifferently

TheTrendsinInternationalMathematicsandScienceStudy(TIMSS)isaninternationalsurveyof
studentachievementinforty-eightcountries,conductedeveryfouryears.TheU.S.Departmentof
EducationusesthisinformationtokeeptrackofhowAmericanstudentsaredoingrelativetostudents
aroundtheworld.In2007,thelasttimethatthestudywasconducted,U.S.eighth-graderswereonce
againsignificantlyoutperformedbytheirpeersinChina,Korea,Singapore,andJapan(astheyhave
beensincethesurveywasfirstconductedin1995).Thisleaveseducatorsandgovernmentofficials
scratchingtheirheads.DoAsianstudentsconsistentlyoutperformAmericanstudentsinmathematics
andsciencebecausetheyarebornwithcapabilitiesthatAmericanstudentslack?Itmaybetemptingto
thinkso,butifyoudidyou’dbe100percentwrong.Thedifferencesarecultural,notgenetic.Andif
youwantedtonarrowitdowntothesinglemostinfluentialculturaldifferencebetweenEastAsianand
Americanstudents,itwouldbethis:Americansbelieveinability,andEastAsiansbelieveineffort.

MostEastAsianeducationalsystemsarefoundedonabedrockofConfuciandoctrine,whichheavily

emphasizestheimportanceofeffort.

Somewell-knowneducationalproverbsinclude:

Talentandwillcomefirstinstudy;willistheteacherofstudyand

talentisthefollowerofstudy.Ifapersonhasnotalent,it
[achievement]ispossible.Butifhehasnowill,itisnotworthtalking
aboutstudy.

—XuGan,ZhongLun

Beingdiligentinstudymeansdevotingone’sefforttoitforalong

time.

—Confucius,ZiZhangchapter

OneofmyfellowgraduatestudentsatColumbia,whohadbeenbornandeducatedinKorea,once

toldmethatKoreanshaveanexpression,sugohaseyo,thatisusedtocongratulatesomeoneonajob
welldone.Itliterallymeans“workhard.”Themessageitconveysisthatnomatterhowwellyouhave
done,youcanalwaystrytodobetter.(TowhichatypicalAmericanresponsewouldbe,“Gee,thanksa
lot.”)

Notsurprisingly,Asianstudentsaremuchmorelikelytoblametheirpoorperformances(aswellas

theirsuccesses)ontheefforttheyputintothem.Forexample,Japanesecollegestudentswhowereled
tobelievethattheyhadfailedonananagramtaskweremostlikelytochoose“lackofeffort”ratherthan
“lackofability,”“taskdifficulty,”or“luck”asthemostimportantcause.

Inanotherstudy,researchers

foundthatChinesemotherscited“lackofeffort”asthepredominantcauseoftheirchild’sfailurein
mathematics,whileAmericanmotherstendedtoblamefailureonability,training,luck,andeffort
equally.

Asianchildrenareexplicitlytaughtthathardworkandpersistencearethekeystosuccess.Itmakes

sense,therefore,thattheywouldexcelinsubjectslikemathandscience,whichrequiredetermination
andlonghourstomaster.Toooften,Americanstudentslaborunderthe(mistaken)beliefthatdoingwell
inmathandscienceisamatterofpossessingsomeinnateability—asifsomepeoplearejustborn
capableoflongdivision.Whentheyfirstencounteradifficultconceptoraproblemthattheydon’t
knowhowtosolve,theyjumptothe(mistaken)conclusionthattheydon’thavewhatittakestodowell.
Teachingourchildrenhowtohanginthere,andhelpingthemtounderstandwhatitreallytakesto
succeed,wouldgoalongwaytowardclosingthatachievementgap.

NowthatI’vehammeredhometheimportanceofpersistence,it’stimetotakealookattheflipside

ofthecoin.

KnowWhentoFold’Em

Thereareofcoursetimeswhenyouactuallydoneedtoseriouslyconsidergivinguponagoal.The
trick,itturnsout,istomakesureyouaredoingitfortherightreasons.Mostpeoplegiveupontheir
goalsbecausetheydon’tbelievetheyhavewhatittakestosucceed,andIhopebynowyourealizethat
theyarealmostalwayswrong.Youdohavewhatittakestosucceed—orifyoudon’thaveitrightnow,
youcangetit.Sowhy,then,isitstillinyourbestinterestsometimestoabandonagoalyouaretruly
capableofachieving?

Therearetwoverygoodreasonstodisengagefromagoal(andneitherofthemhaveanythingtodo

withability).Thefirstisthat,likeitornot,thereareonlysomanyhoursinaday.Youcanhaveallthe
abilityintheworld,youcanbeageniusineverypossiblesense,andyouwouldstillhavelimited
resourcestousetoachieveallyourgoals.Youonlyhavesomuchenergy.Youonlyhavesomuchtime.
Everyoneneedstomakechoices,becausedoingitallisjustnotphysicallypossible.Readingthisbook

willhelpyoumakebetteruseofyourtime,butitwon’tactuallychangethefactthatyou’vegot
somewherebetweensixteentoeighteenhoursadayatyourdisposal.(Iamahugeproponentofsleep,
solet’smakeitsixteen.)

Thisisadilemmathatmostworkingparentsknowonlytoowell.Ifyouhaveajobthatrequiresyou

toworksixtyhoursaweek,youaregoingtolosetimewithyourkids.Thatissimplyafact.Andif,asI
havetried,youattempttogetawaywithoutdaycareorafull-timenanny,yourworkisabsolutelygoing
tosufferforit.Sometimes,ratherthanpursuingseveralgoalsatatimebutnotbeingparticularly
successfulatanyofthem,it’sbesttogiveyourselfabreakandrecognizethatyourtimeandenergyare
limited.Whenthathappens,focusonwhat’smostimportanttoyou,andlettherestofitgo(atleast
untilamoreopportunetimecomesalong).

Thesecondgoodreasontoabandonagoalisthatyoufinditisjustcostingyoutoomuch.

Circumstanceschange,andgoalscanbecomeunexpectedlydifficultorunpleasanttopursue.Many
times,youfindthatyoudidn’tfullyunderstandwhatyouweregettingyourselfinto.Whenthat
happens,thesmartandhealthythingtodoistoreevaluateyourchoices.

Backin2003,mysoon-to-behusbandwasteachingphilosophytoundergraduatesatWashington

UniversityinSt.Louis.IthadbeentwoyearssincehehadgraduatedwithhisPh.D.inphilosophyfrom
Columbia.Byallaccounts,heshouldhavebeenveryhappy.Hehadneverseriouslyconsidered
pursuinganyotherprofessionsincechildhood.(Thisisaguywhoread,andliked,BertrandRussell
whenhewasfourteen.)Butbythesecondyearintohiscareerasayoungacademicphilosopher,hehad
madeatroublingdiscovery:hehatedit.Notthephilosophy,buttheteachingofit.Andwhilemany
academics“putupwith”teachingaspartandparcelofacademia,theproblemforJonathanwasthat
philosophyprofessorstypicallyhavetoteachalot.Scienceprofessorscangetawaywithonlyoneor
twocoursespersemester,butinphilosophythreeorfourismorethenorm.Allthatteachinglefthim
drained,andwithtoolittletimeforactualphilosophizing—notenough,Jonathanfelt,tomakehis
teachingdutiesmorepalpable.

Hisfinaldecisiontogiveuphiscareerinphilosophycameafteralong,painful,andbrutallyhonest

self-evaluationofhisstrengthsandhisshortcomings.(MyhusbandisMinnesotan,sobeingdishonest
wouldhaveprobablybeenmuchharder.)Itmeantrethinkingwhathewoulddowithhislife—
rethinkingwhohewasasaperson.Painful,too,wasthethoughtofdisappointingallthepeoplewho
hadsupportedhimandbelievedinhisclearpotential.Itwas,withoutquestion,abravedecision—andit
wasalsotherightoneforhim.Sometimes,theverybestthingwecandoforourselvesistoabandonthe
goalwethoughtwealwayswanted,whenthecostsofachievingitrevealthemselvestobetoogreatto
pay.

Inthepresenceofconstantdoubtanddistress,itreallyshouldbeprettyeasytogiveuponagoal

that’sgivingyoutrouble.Butofcourse,itisn’teasyatall.Abandoningagoalcanbeveryhardto
actuallydo.Perhapsyouhavealreadysunkalotoftimeandenergyintoitanddon’twanttofeelthatit
wasallwasted.Maybeyouaren’tyetconvincedthatthegoalistrulyunreachable.Ormaybeyoujust
don’twanttofeellikeafailure.Justaswesometimesgiveuptoosoon,it’salsotruethatweoftendon’t
knowwhen,orhow,toquit.

Youmayalsohaveanevenhardertimegivingupagoalthatisrelatedtosomeimportantaspectof

yourself-image.Therolesthatweplayinourday-to-daylivesmakeupabigpartofhowweseeour
veryidentity.Ifyouareadoctor,oramother,orateacher,youprobablyoftenthinkofyourselfinthose
terms.Sowhenyouarepursuingagoalasadoctor(e.g.,healingapatient),oramother(e.g.,getting
yourtoddlertosleepthroughthenight),orateacher(e.g.,reachingadifficultstudent),andyoufail,it’s
notonlydisappointing—it’salsoathreattoyoursenseofwhoandwhatyouare.

Theabilitytodisengageisreallycriticalforyourhappinessandwell-being,andfortunatelyittoois

somethingyoucanlearntodo.Togiveupagoalsuccessfully,youneedtotaketwosteps.First,you
needtodecideifgivingupisreallywhat’sbestforyou.Tryaskingyourselfthefollowingquestions(it
canbeveryhelpfultowriteouttheanswers):

1.WhyamIhavingahardtimereachingthisgoal?Figureoutwhatitwouldtaketobemore

successful.Itis:

a.moretime
b.moreeffort
c.anewapproach
d.helpfromanexpert
e.greaterself-control
f.abetterplan

Iftheansweris“Idon’thavewhatittakes,”youarewrong.Youdohavewhatittakes.Startagain.

2.AmIabletodowhatittakes?CanIfindthetime,ortheenergy,orthehelpIneed?Ifthe

answeris“no,”youshouldseriouslyconsidergivingupthegoal.

3.Willdoingwhatittakescostmetoomuch?Willitmakemeunhappy?WillIneedtosacrificetoo

manyothergoalsthatareimportanttome?Iftheansweris“yes,”youshouldseriouslyconsider
givingupthegoal.

Onceyou’vegonethroughthisprocessandmadethedecisiontogiveupthegoal,tryyourbestnotto

dwellonit.Ruminatingaboutagoalthatyoucouldn’treachkeepsthegoalactiveinyourunconscious
mind.Understandably,yourunconsciousgetsveryconfused(“Arewedonewiththisgoal,oraren’t
we?”)andneverfullydisengagesfromit.

Thesecondstepyouneedtotakeisveryimportant,andit’stheonewemostoftenneglect.Buttaking

thisstepisthekeytoincreasingyourhappinessandovercomingregret.Youneedtofindagoaltotake
itsplace,assumingyoudon’talreadyhaveone.Ifyourcareerisn’tworkingforyou,whatkindofjob
willyoustartlookingfor?Ifyouarehatingyourstepaerobicsclasses,whatotheroptionsdoesyour
gymofferthatyoumightenjoymore?Thinkingofleavingyour(un)romanticpartner?Howwillyoufill
thehoursthatyouusedtospendtogether?Studiesshowthatdisengagingfromourgoalsseemstobefar
moreadaptivewhenitleadsto,oristiedto,thetakingupofothergoals.Replacingagoalthatdoesn’t
workforyouwithonethatactuallywillhelpyoutostayengagedandtomaintainyoursenseofpurpose
andidentity.Itwillkeepyoumovingforward,ratherthanlookingback.

WhatYouCanDo

•Gotgrit?Peoplewhoarewillingtomakecommitmentstolong-termgoals,andbepersistentin

thefaceofdifficulty,arefarmorelikelytobesuccessfulthanthosewhoarelessgritty.

•Getgrit!Youcanincreaseyourgrittinessbychoosingtherightgoals:get-bettergoalsand

autonomouslyself-chosengoalscreateamind-setthatmakeshanginginthereforthelonghaul
mucheasier.

•Blameyoureffort,notyourability.Ifyoubelievethatyouarehavingahardtimereachingyour

goalbecauseyoulackthenecessaryability,andthatyoucan’tdomuchtochangethat...well,

there’snowaytoputthisnicely:youarewrong.Effort,planning,persistence,andgood
strategiesarewhatitreallytakestosucceed.Embracingthisknowledgewillnotonlyhelpyou
seeyourselfandyourgoalsmoreaccurately,butalsodowondersforyourgrit.

•Youcan’thaveitall.Whileit’salmostneveragoodideatoabandonagoalbecauseyouthink

youlacktheabilitytoachieveit,thatdoesn’tmeanthatit’sneverinyourbestinteresttogiveup
onagoal.It’simportanttorecognizethatyouonlyhavesomuchtimeandenergyatyour
disposaltoachieveyourgoals,andsometimesthatmeanssomething’sgottogive.Don’tbe
afraidtoabandonagoalwhenachievingitbecomespracticallyimpossible.

•Sometimesthepriceisn’tworthpaying.It’salsoperfectlyokaytowalkawayfromagoal,even

whenit’ssomethingyou’vereallywantedandcouldinfactreach,whenthecostsofachievingit
revealthemselvestobetoogreat.Somesacrificesaren’tworthmaking—theyaretoopainful,or
theyrequireyoutogiveuptoomuch.

•Outwiththeold,inwiththenew.Knowingwhentogiveupagoalthatisjusttoodifficult,or

toocostly,toattainisanessentialpartofbeingahealthy,satisfiedperson.Tomaketheprocess
notonlyeasier,butevenmorerewarding,besuretoreplaceyouroldgoalwithanewone.This
willenableyoutomaintainyoursenseofengagementandpurpose,andtokeepmovingforward
withyourlife.

CHAPTER13

GivetheRightFeedback

FEEDBACKISVERYIMPORTANTANDNECESSARYTOREACHOURgoals—withoutit,we
wouldbegropinginthedark,notknowingwhetherwewereontherightpath.Ifyouareaparent,a
teacher,acoach,oramanager,thenpartofyourjobisprovidingthatfeedbackforothers.Youneedto
reinforcewhatthey’redoingright,aswellaspointoutwheretheyaregoingwrong,andhelpthemstay
motivatedtokeeponcourse.Unfortunately,asyouhavenodoubtdiscoveredinyourownexperience,
notallfeedbackisparticularlyhelpful.Someofitismoreorlessuseless.Worseyet,somefeedbackis
actuallycounterproductive,andyoumightwellhavebeenbetteroffsayingnothingatall.Evenwiththe
bestintentions,givingsomeonepraiseorcriticismcanreallybackfire,andmostpeoplehaveahardtime
figuringoutwhy.

Thereisasciencetogivingfeedback,areasonwhysomethingsworkandothersdon’t.Itisneither

mysteriousnorrandom.Knowingwhattosayandwhatnottosayisn’tamatterofpossessingsome
innategiftortalent.Ifyou’vescreweditupinthepast(andwhohasn’t?),thenyoucanlearntodoa
betterjobgivingfeedbackfromnowon.Inthischapter,we’llfocusonhowyoucanusewhatyou’ve
learnedaboutthecommonpitfallsofgoalpursuittogivetherightkindsoffeedbacktoyouremployees,
students,children(andanyoneelseyoucareabout)—helpingthemtostaymotivatedandontheright
track.

Askyourself:Beforereadingthisbook,didyouthinkthatitwasnicertotellsomeonethathe

performedpoorlybecausehedidn’tputinenougheffort,becauseheapproachedthetaskthewrong
way,orbecausethetypeofworkreallywasn’thisstrongsuit?Isitalwaysagoodideatoofferyour
help,evenwhenitisn’taskedfor?Ifyouwanttopraiseastudentoranemployee,shouldyoutellher
thatsheissmart,orthatsheworkedhard,orthatyouadmireherpersistence?Shouldyoudoleoutlots
ofcompliments,orreservethemonlyforpraisingmajoraccomplishments?Ifyouasktenexperienced
managersortenseasonedteacherstoanswerthesequestions,theywillprobablygiveyoutendifferent
setsofanswers.

Idon’tdenythatgivinggoodfeedbackcanbeabitcomplicated.Praisepeopleforhavinghighability,

andtheywillfeellikeasuperstar—onlytoplummetbacktoearthifthegoinggetstougher.Praisefor
effortcansometimesmakestudentsfeelstupid,butitcanalsomakethembetterabletofaceachallenge
downtheroad.Praiseforminoraccomplishmentscanactuallyundermineperformance.Butdon’tworry
—asIsaidbefore,feedbackisascience,andthereareprinciplesatworkhere.Inthepagesthatfollow,
I’lloutlinesomesimplerulesyoucanusetohelpyoudecidewhattosayandhowtosayit.

WhenThingsGoWrong

It’snevereasytotellpeoplethattheyaren’tdoingaswellastheycouldbe.Noonelikestobethe

bearerofbadnews,andgivingconstructivecriticismisaparticularlydifficultskilltomaster.Most
peoplemaketheall-too-understandablemistakeofthinkingthatprotectingtherecipient’sfeelingsis
paramount.Wesay“it’snotyourfault”or“youtriedyourbest”or“you’rejustnotwellsuitedforthis
kindofthing,”regardlessofwhetherornotanyofthosestatementsareaccurate,becausewedon’twant
thepersontoblamehimselfandfeelterribleforit.

Fromamotivationalstandpoint,that’sshortsighted.Feelingbadisnotjustanunfortunate

consequenceofhearinghonestfeedback,itisanecessaryconsequence.Anxietyandsadnessservea
keymotivationalfunction—theymakeyourbrainwanttotakeactiontogetridofthem.Negative
feelingsfocusattentionandresourcesonthetaskathand.Theyarelikefuelforyourfire.Andtaking
awayaperson’ssenseofresponsibilityforapoorperformancealsorobsthemoftheirsenseofcontrol
—ifyouaren’tresponsibleforwhatyou’vedoneinthepast,howcanyoupossiblyimproveyour
performanceinthefuture?Now,I’mnotsayingyoushouldgooutofyourwaytomakeemployeesor
students(oryourself)feelawfulwhentheyarestruggling—farfromit.Thepointisthatmotivationally
effectivefeedbackisoftennotallthatfuntohear,andthatisokay.Youshouldn’tshyawayfromsaying
whatpeopleneedtohear,fortheirownsake,becauseyou’retooworriedaboutthefallout.

Thekeytogivinggoodfeedbackwhensomeoneishavingdifficultyistokeepherbelievingthat

successisstillwithinherreach.Nothingsapsmotivationquitelikeself-doubt.(Thisisparticularlytrue
whenyouaredealingwithapromotion-mindedperson.Peoplewhoseetheirgoalsintermsofgainare
verysensitivetopessimisticcriticism.)Sowhenyouaregivingnegativefeedback,thereareafew
importantpointstokeepinmind,inordertomakesurethattherecipientwilltrulybenefit.

First,youwanttobeasspecificaspossibleaboutwhatwentwrong,sothatbothyouandthereceiver

avoidovergeneralizingtheproblem.Whenweattributeourpoorperformancestobroadabilities(“I’m
notgoodatmath”)ratherthanspecificskills(“Ineedtobrushuponstatistics”),wearemorelikelyto
loseconfidenceandnotbothereventryingtoimprove.Don’ttellothersthattheyhavelousy
communicationskills—tellthemwhat,specifically,theyneedtoworkon.Whatexactlydotheyneedto
say(ornotsay)?Howdotheyneedtosayit?

Insteadofsaying:Bob,youareapoorcommunicator.
Say:Bob,I’dliketohaveabettersenseoftheprogressyouaremakingonyourprojectsand
howyouaremanagingyourtime.Let’ssetupabriefweeklymeetingsoyoucankeepme
informed.

(Bobprobablyalreadyknowshe’sapoorcommunicator,sojustremindinghimofthatwilldonothing
butreinforcehisshortcomings.Instead,pointingoutexactlywhathecandotoimprovehisperformance
willleavehimfeelingempowered—thisisaspecificchangehecanmake.)

It’salsogoodtokeepinthebackofyourmindthatwhenitcomestonegativefeedback,peoplewith

lowself-esteemareevenmorelikelytoovergeneralizewhattheyhearthanthosewithhighself-esteem.
WeoncehadaguestspeakercometogiveatalkinmydepartmentatLehigh,who,despitebeingvery
wellknownforhiswork,wasmorethanalittleinsecureaboutit.Attheendofthetalk,oneofmy
colleaguesaskedforclarificationofsomethingthespeakerhadsaid,andherespondedbystormingout
oftheroom.Whenaskedaboutitlater,herepliedintotalseriousnessandwithcompletecertaintythat
mycolleaguehadliterallycalledhimamoron.Somehow,hisbrainhadturned“Howdidyoumeasure
self-esteeminthatstudy?”into“Youareanidiot.”Now,thisisnotaproblemyoucanavoidentirely.
Butyou’llwanttobeparticularlycarefultobespecificwhengivingnegativefeedbacktosomeone
who’salreadyshowingsignsofbeingdownonhimself.

Whenwefeeloutofcontrol,itleadstopessimismandeventuallytodepression.Feelingincontrol,

ontheotherhand,leadstoself-confidenceandoptimism.Sowhenyouareofferingcriticism,makesure
youtakepainsnottounderminethereceiver’ssenseofcontroloverhisownperformance.It’sbestnot
totrytotakehimoffthehookforapoorperformance,nomatterhowtemptingthatmaybe.Weneedto
feelresponsibleforourfailures,inordertofeelthatitisalsowithinourpowertodothingsdifferently.
Don’tshyawayfromtellingsomeonethathedidn’tworkhardenough,orneedstotryadifferent
approach,ifyouhonestlyfeelthat’sthecase.Butkeepconfidencehighbypointingoutthechangesthat
arewithinyourstudent’soremployee’spowertomake.

Insteadofsaying:Don’tworryaboutfailingyourchemistryexam,Jane.You’rejustnota
“science”person—butlookathowgreatyouareatwriting!
Say:Jane,Idon’tthinkyoustudiedforyourchemistryexamthewayyouneededto.Youarenot
applyingyourselfthewayyoudowithyourwriting.Let’stalkabouthowmuchtimeyou’re
devotingtochemistry,andthemethodsyou’reusingtostudy,toseehowyoucanimproveyour
performancenexttime.

Sadly,therearetimeswhenastudentoremployeedoesworkhardandstillfailstoreachhergoals.In

theseinstances,it’sparticularlytemptingtotrytomaketheindividualfeelbetterbypraisingallthe
effortsheputin.“Don’tfeelbad—youtriedyourbest!”wesay.Aswell-meaningasthiskindof
feedbackis,youshouldgooutofyourwaytoavoidit.First,studiesshowthatpraisinghardworkwhen
itdoesn’tpayoffcaneasilymaketherecipientfeelevenmorestupid—exactlytheopposite,really,of
whatyouaretryingtodo.Whenseriouseffortleadstofailure,avoidpraiseandstickwithpurely
informationalfeedback.Whatcanbedonedifferently?Ifeffortisn’ttheproblem,thenineffective
strategiesaremostlikelytoblame.Wouldbetterplanninghelp?Whenitisyourresponsibilitytodole
outfeedback,youneedtorememberthathelpingyourstudentsoremployeesfigureouthowtodoit
rightisjustasimportantaslettingthemknowwhattheyaredoingwrong.

WhenThingsGoRight

Istherereallysuchathingasbadpraise?Mostpeoplewillreadilyadmitthatcriticismcanbe
constructiveorharmfulbuttendtobalkattheideathatthereisarightwayandawrongwaytosay
“goodjob!”Infact,praisecanbemotivatingorundermining,dependingonwhatyousayandhowyou
sayit.Insomestudies,praisehasbeenshowntoincreaseconfidenceanddetermination,asyoumight
expectitto.Whenpraised,weoftenenjoywhatwearedoingmore,andweengageinataskmore
willingly.Ontheotherhand,praisealsocancreateexcessivepressuretocontinueperformingwell,
discouragerisk-taking,anddecreasefeelingsofautonomy.Sohowdowesay“goodjob!”inawaythat
fuelsthefire,ratherthanaccidentallyputtingitout?

Ina2002reviewofthemanydozensofstudiesontheeffectsofpraise,psychologistsJennifer

HenderlongandMarkLepperfoundthatinordertohaveapositiveinfluence,feedbackforajobwell
doneshouldbeguidedbyfiverules.

Rule#1:Praiseshouldbesincere—or,attheveryleast,itshouldseemsincere.Theclearest
indicatorofinsincerityisanobviousulteriormotive.Ifpeoplefeelthatyouaretryingto
manipulatethemintodoingsomething,orprotectthemfromfeelingbadaboutthemselves,your
praisewillbeseenasinsincere.Praiseisalsomorelikelytoseemdisingenuousifitishighly

effusive(“ThisisthegreatestquarterlyreportI’veeverseen!”),sobecarefulnottogushtoo
much.

Also,trytoavoidbeingoverlygeneral(“Youarealwayssogenerous!”)—itmakesittooeasyforthe

recipienttocomeupwithcounterexamples(“WhataboutallthetimeswhenItippedlessthan15
percent?”).Wheneverpossible,bespecificaboutwhatexactlyisbeingpraised.

Insteadofsaying:Amazingjobthisyear,Phil!Youareanidealemployee.
Say:Phil,IwasreallyimpressedbythewayyouhandledtheStevensaccount.Thatwasa
difficultsituation,andyourosetothechallenge.Iappreciateallthehardworkyouputinthis
year—youexceededmyexpectations.

Don’tpraisehardworkwhentherewasn’tany,anddon’tpraisehighabilitywhensomeoneisjust

learning—youaren’tfoolinganyone,anditwillbeexperiencedasmoreembarrassingthanmotivating.
Praiseforminorachievements(“Wow,Joe—yourhandwritingissoeasytoread!”)alsotendstomake
youlookphonyor,worse,maketherecipientfeelstupid(“Whywouldshecomplimentmy
handwriting?Shefeelssorryforme—shethinksI’manidiot.”).Noonewantstobepraisedfor
somethinghedidn’tactuallydo,forsomethinghedidbadly,orforsomethingthatdoesn’tevendeserve
praise.

Also,ifyouwanttoappearsincere,besurethatyoudon’tcontradictyourpraisewithother,

nonverbalbehavior.Ifyouavoidmakingeyecontact,orifyoupausetoolongbeforeyoubegintospeak
(asifyouaresearchingforwhatyoushouldsay),thereceiverwillwonderwhyyouractionsdon’tmesh
withyourwords.Finally,praiseshouldbeusedsomewhatsparingly,sothatitseemsgenuinely
contingentongoodperformance—thoughyoushouldabsolutelyfeelfreetopraisesomeonewhenit’s
welldeserved.

Rule#2:Thepraisethatyougiveshouldemphasize,wheneverpossible,behaviorsthatare
undertherecipient’scontrol.Praisingapersonforabilitiesorqualitiesthatseeminnateor
unchangingcanleadtoproblemswhenthingsgetdifficult.Justthinkaboutit:saytoachildwho
doeswellonanexam,“Nicejob,Tommy!Youaresosmart!”andwhatwillTommythinkthe
nexttimehedoesn’tdosowell?Praiseforhardwork,persistence,useofgoodstrategies,and
determination,ontheotherhand,reinforcestheideathatthesearethekeyingredientsfor
successandmakestherecipientmoreresilientinthefaceofdifficulty.

TheimportanceofRule#2wasvividlyshowninaseriesofstudiesconductedbyCarolDweckand

ClaudiaMueller.Fifth-gradersweregivenasetofrelativelyeasyproblemstoworkonandthenpraised
fortheirgoodperformance.

Halfofthestudentsweregivenpraisethatemphasizedability(“Wow,you

didreallywell.Youmustbereallysmartatthis!”),whiletheothersweregiveneffort-focusedpraise
(“Wow,youdidreallywell.Youmusthaveworkedreallyhard!”).Next,allthestudentsweregivena
verydifficultsetofproblems,andnooneinthestudygotmorethanoneoutoftenofthosecorrect.
Finally,theresearchersgavethestudentsonelastsetofproblems,similarindifficultytothefirstset.

DweckandMuellerfoundthatthechildrenwhohadbeenpraisedforsmartnessdidfarworseonthe

thirdsetofproblemswhencomparedtothefirst.Havingbeentoldthattheirgoodperformanceonthe
firstsetmadethem“smart,”theywerequicktoconcludethattheirpoorperformanceonthesecondset
madethemnotsmart.Thesestudentslostconfidenceandmotivation,andtheirfinalperformance
sufferedforit.

Averydifferentpatternemergedforthechildrenwhohadbeenpraisedforeffort—theyperformed

betteronthethirdsetthantheyhadonthefirstset.Havingbeentoldthatdoingwellwasabouteffort,

theirexperiencewithdifficultyonthesecondsetpromptedthemtorampuptheireffortsandworkeven
harder.Thesestudentsgainedconfidenceandmotivation,andtheyachievedevenmore.

Iwillreadilyadmitthatitfeelsalotbettertogetabilitypraisethanitdoestobepraisedforeffort.

Whowouldn’tratherbecomplimentedfortheirbrilliancethanfortheirhardwork?Weallinstinctively
knowthis,whichhasalottodowithwhywearesoquicktodoleoutabilitypraise.Butyouhavetoask
yourself,whatisreallymoreimportant—feelinggoodorbeingwellequippedtoachieveyourgoals?If
theansweristhelatter,thenyouneedtoadjustyourpraiseaccordingly.

Iamnot,fortherecord,sayingthatyoucannevercomplimentsomeone’sability—myparentstold

meIwassmartwhenIdidsomethingwell,andIhavesaidthesamethingtomyownchildren.The
importantthingtorememberistoavoidgivingabilitypraiseinisolation—it’sokaytotellsomeonethat
theyaretalented,solongasyoualsopraisethehardworkandstrategyusethatisrequiredinorderto
makeuseofthattalent.Youwanttoavoidtheimpressionthatsuccessisallaboutability,becauseit
reallyneveris.Successisalmostalwaysabouttakingtherightsteps,persisting,andstayingmotivated,
andyouneedtobesuretogivecreditwherecreditisreallydue.

Insteadofsaying:Nicejob,Tommy!Youaresosmart!
Say:Nicejob,Tommy!I’msoproudofhowhardyoustudiedforthisexam.Youhavelearnedso
much!

Rule#3:Whenyoupraise,avoidcomparingtherecipienttoothers.Thisruleiscloselyrelated
toRule#2,becausecomparisonalmostalwaysmakepeoplethinkintermsofability,ignoring
thecontributionsofmorecontrollablefactorslikeeffortandstrategy.Studiesshowthatwhen
studentsandemployeesaremadeexplicitlyawarethattheirperformanceisbeingcomparedto
others’,itmakesthemmorelikelytofocusonbeinggood—onvalidatingtheirskillsand
abilities,ratherthanondevelopingthem.Whenpraiseemphasizescomparisons,webecome
self-consciousandworriedaboutcontinuingtoproveourselves,andthatcanactuallyinterfere
withourfutureachievement.

Instead,whenyoupraisesomeone,tryemphasizingpersonalmasteryovercompetition.Ratherthan

comparingyourstudentsoremployeestoothers,trycomparingtheircurrentperformancetotheirown
pastperformance.Praiseforimprovementreinforcestheideathatthefocusshouldalwaysbeongetting
better.

Insteadofsaying:Dan,youarethebestgraduatestudentinthisdepartment!
Say:Dan,youhavecomealongwaysinceyoubeganthisprogram.Youhavereallydeveloped
intoafirst-ratescholar!

Rule#4:Praiseshouldbegiveninawaythatdoesn’tunderminetherecipient’ssenseof
autonomy.Rememberthatrewardsandpressuresareoftenexperiencedascontrolling—they
takethefocusoffofdoingsomethingforitsownsake.Tellingsomeone“Ifyoukeepthisup,
youwillgetthisprize”or“Continuetodowell,andIwillthinkyouaregreat”putstheemphasis
onexternalvalidation,likegettingmoneyorearninglove.Thelastthingyouwantisforan
intrinsicallymotivatedstudentoremployee,someonewhoactuallyenjoysandisinterestedin
whatsheisdoing,tostartworkingjusttogetthepraise(andtheothergoodthingsthatmaygo
withit).Keepyourpraisefocusedonthetaskitself,andtrytobe“autonomy-supportive”by
acknowledgingtherecipient’sfeelingsandchoices.
Insteadofsaying:Annie,ifyoucontinuetogetgradeslikethisinmath,Iwillbesoproud.

Say:Annie,Iamsoproudofyou.AndI’mgladtoseehowmuchyouareenjoyingmath!

Rule#5:Praiseshouldalwaysconveyattainablestandardsandexpectations.Recognizing
people’saccomplishmentsisagreatwaytomotivatethemtokeepupthegoodwork—but
sometimes,inourenthusiasm,wegetabitcarriedaway.Wewantourstudents,ouremployees,
andourlovedonestoknowthatwethinktheycandoanythingiftheyputtheirmindstoit.We
aretryingtobuilduptheirconfidencewithourpraise,butinsteadwemaybeinadvertently
signalingthatweexpectmorefromthemthantheycanactuallyachieve.

Referringtoapromisingstudentas“boundtogotoHarvard”ortoatalentedyoungathleteas“a

futureOlympian”mightsoundlikeharmlesscompliments,butifyouhearthemtoooften,it’seasyto
startfeelingthatpeopleexpectnothinglessofyou.I’mnotsayingyoushouldn’tsetthebarhigh,but
youwanttomakesureyourpraiseisrealistic.Thousandsofbrilliantandaccomplishedhighschool
seniorsarerejectedfromHarvardeveryyear,andonlythetiniestfractionofextraordinaryathletescan
earntheprivilegeofrepresentingtheircountryattheOlympics(justimagine—ifyouarethefourth-
fastestguyinAmericathatyear,youareprobablytooslow).

Rememberthatit’sfarbettertoencourageyourstudentsandemployeestosetdifficultbutpossible

goals.InsteadofHarvardortheOlympics,apromisingstudentcanbetoldthatheis“boundtogotoa
goodcollegeoruniversity,”andatalentedathletemaybetoldthatshemightbe“abletoplayatthe
collegelevel.”Assumingthattheycontinuetoworkhard,ofcourse...whichisalsosomethingyou
mightwanttomention.

Insteadofsaying:Ifyoucancontinueplayingthiswell,thenIexpecttoseeyouintheMajor
League!
Say:Greatjob—youhavesomuchpotential!Now,let’stalkabouthowyoucanreallychallenge
yourselfandimproveyourgame.

Whenitcomestogivinggoodfeedback,youoweittoyourstudents,employees,andalltheother

peopleyoucareabouttothinkverycarefullyaboutwhatyouwanttosay.Ourwordshaveafargreater
motivationalimpactthanmostofusrealize,andthat’saresponsibilitythatshouldbetakenseriously.If
therearepeoplewholooktoyouforanswers,besureyouaresendingthemtherightmessage—onethat
empowersandinspires,whileofferingthemthepracticalguidancetheyneedtokeepmovingforward.

WhatYouCanDo

•Speakthetruth.Becarefulnottoletconcernsaboutbruisedfeelingskeepyoufromtelling

peoplewhattheyneedtohear.Tellingindividualsthat“it’snottheirfault”orthat“theydidtheir
best”maysparetheirfeelings,butitwillalsoleavethemfeelingpowerlessandunmotivated.
Takingresponsibilityforfailure,whenyoureffortorstrategiesaretoblame,alsoleavesyou
empoweredtodothingsdifferentlyinthefuture.

•Staypositiveandpractical.Whengivingcriticism,it’simportanttoconveythatyoubelievethe

recipientcansucceedifhetakesnecessaryaction.Beasspecificaspossibleaboutthenatureof
theproblemandwhatstepsthepersoncantaketosolveit.

•Praiseshouldseemsincere.Inorderforpraisetoenhance,ratherthanundermine,motivation,it

hastobeseenassincere.Praisethatistooeffusive,toogeneral,ortoofrequentlygivenislikely
toseemdisingenuous.Reserveyourcomplimentsforachievementsthatareauthentic,well
executed,anddeservingofyouradmiration.

•Praisewhattheydo,notwhattheyare.Praiseshouldemphasizebehaviorsthatareunderthe

recipient’scontrol.Highlighthardwork,goodstrategyuse,determination,andpersistencerather
thanpraisingabilitiesthatareseenasfixedorinnate.

•Avoidcomparingtoothers.Avoidpraisethatexplicitlycomparesyourstudentsoremployeesto

theirpeers.Instead,comparetheircurrentperformancetotheirownpastperformance,inorder
toemphasizethevalueofimprovementandkeepthefocusongettingbetter.

•Theyshouldn’tbedoingitforthepraise.Don’tallowpraiseandrewardstoundermine

autonomy—acknowledgingtherecipients’ownchoicesandfeelingswillkeepthemfocusedon
thetaskforitsownsake,protectingtheirpowerfulintrinsicmotivationtosucceed.

•Onceagain,keepitreal.Praise(andcriticism,forthatmatter)shouldalwaysconveyrealistic,

attainablestandardsandexpectations.Becarefulnottoletexuberantlanguage(“Youcanbethe
bestever!”)createanatmospherewhereyourstudent,child,oremployeefeelstoomuch
pressuretobeperfect.

Epilogue

IHAVEASTRONGAVERSIONTOMAKINGPREDICTIONSABOUTPRETTYmuchanything
withabsolutecertainty.Perhapsthisisduetoyearsofscientifictraining,whenitwasimprintedonmy
braintomakenostatementsthatthedatadidn’tactuallysupport.OrmaybeIjustdon’tlikegoingouton
alimb.IthasfrequentlybeenpointedouttomehowmuchIhatebeingwrong.(TowhichIrespond,
“Whodoesn’t?”)

Thatbeingsaid,Ifeelperfectlycomfortablewiththefollowingpredictionaboutyou,eventhoughI

don’tknowyoupersonally,andImakeitwith100percentcertainty:youcanbemoresuccessfulin
reachingyourgoalsthanyouhavebeeninthepast.

EveryprincipleofmotivationIdescribedinthisbook,everypieceofadviceIhaveoffered,is

entirelywithinyourpowertousetoyouradvantage.Itismyhopethat,afterreadingthesechapters,you
havegainedsomeinsightintoallthethingsyouhavebeendoingrightallalong.Evenmoreimportant,I
hopeyouhavebeenabletoidentifythemistakesyouhavemadethathavederailedyouaswellaswhat
youcandodifferentlyfromnowon.

Thereisnopitfallingoalpursuitthatdoesn’thaveasolution:youcanincreaseyourself-controland

compensateforitwhenitislow,youcanmakemoreeffectiveplans,youcanlearnhowtobe
realisticallyoptimistic,youcanincreaseyourgrit.Youcanrethinkthegoalsthemselves—reframing
theminwaysthatwillmakethemeasierandmoreenjoyabletopursue.Youcanembracethestrategies
thatworkforyou,andabandontheonesthatdon’t.Ifyouhaveto,youcanwalkawayfromagoalfor
therightreasons,anddoitinawaythatwillmakeyouahappierandhealthierperson.

Iknowthatyoucandothesethings,becauseanyonecan.Itdoesn’ttakeanyspecialqualitiesorgifts.

Andyoudon’tneedtobecomeadifferentpersontobecomeamoresuccessfulone.Whatitdoestakeis
knowledgeofwhatreallyworks,thewillingnesstodowhatittakes,andalittlepractice.Ifyoureadthis
book,youhavetheknowledge.Justpickingupthisbookinthefirstplaceshowsthatyouhavethe
willingness.Nowit’stimetoputitallintoaction.

Youareready.Youareset.Nowgo.

Acknowledgments

THISBOOKWOULDNEVERHAVEBEENWRITTEN,ANDCERTAINLYNEVERpublished,
withouttheunwaveringsupportandexcellentguidanceIreceivedfrommygoodfriendandagent(in
thatorder)GilesAnderson.Giles,youarethesecond-greatestguyIevermetinabar.

Academicwritersare,byandlarge,awful.Wemakeupwordsforthingswhenthereareperfectly

goodEnglishwordsalreadyavailable.Wemakeideassoundcomplicatedwhentheyareinfactsimple
andstraightforward.Wearetrainedforyearsintheartofmakinginterestingideassoundreally,really
boring.So,forsavingmeeverytimeIsuccumbedtooldhabits,Imustthankmyamazingandpatient
editor,CarolineSutton.

Iamenormouslygratefultothemanyfriendsandfellowpsychologistswhohavehelpedmeto

exploreandunderstandtheprinciplesofmotivationfoundthroughoutthisbook.Ineedtoparticularly
thankmycolleaguesatColumbia,NYU,andLehigh—especiallyShawnGuffey,GordonMoskowitz,
PeterGollwitzer,GabrieleOettingen,JasonPlaks,DanMolden,andJoeCesario.

Asagraduatestudent,Ihadtherareprivilegeoftrainingundertwoextraordinaryandgenerous

mentors.IthankToryHigginsfortakingmylamehalf-bakedideasandmoldingthemintosomething
thatmightactuallywork(whileconvincingmethatthecreditwassomehowmine.)KurtLewinmay
havesaidthatthereisnothingsopracticalasagoodtheory,butTorymademebelieveit.

FromCarolDweckIlearnedsomanythings,butmostrelevanttothisbook,shetaughtmethe

importanceoftwoskillsoverlookedbymostacademics—howtotellagoodstory,andhowtotellitin
plainlanguage,usingactualEnglishwords.Thatturnedouttobereallyuseful.

Iamgratefultomyhusband,JonathanHalvorson,whoovercamehisnaturalpropensityforbeing,at

best,cautiouslyoptimistic,aswellashisaversiontoeffusivepraise,inordertobecomethemostardent
andvocalsupporterofthisbookandmydecisiontowriteit.Italsoturnsouttobehandytohave
marriedaphilosopherwhenyou’retryingtofigureoutifwhatyou’vewrittenactuallymakessense.The
mancanspotaholeinanargumentamileaway.

Myfather,GeorgeGrant,taughtmetoreadwhenIwasfivebysittingmedownnexttohimonthe

couchandreadingmeTheLittleEngineThatCouldapproximatelyseventhousandtimes.Idon’tthink
it’sacoincidencethatIendedupwritingabookaboutmotivationandpersistencethirtyyearslater.So
thankyou,Pop,fortheinspiration(andalsoforthewholelearning-to-readthing,whichIdon’tthinkI
appreciatedatthetime.)

IfyouenjoyedSucceed,thenyoureallyshouldprobablybethankingmymother,SigridGrant.She

hasbeenmysoundingboard,cheer-leader,andtoughestcriticforthirty-sixyears,andsheplayedeach
oneofthoseroleswithsomefrequencywhileIwaswritingthisbook.Shewentovereveryword,
changingmanyofthemforthebetter.Sothankyou,Mom,foryourenthusiasm,yourpatience,andyour
willingnesstotellmethatearlierdraftsofsomechapters“soundedlikeahighschoolbookreport.”I
don’tknowwhatIwoulddowithoutyou.

Notes

Introduction

R.F.Baumeister,E.Bratslavsky,M.Muraven,andD.M.Tice,“Ego-Depletion:IstheActiveSelfa

LimitedResource?”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology74(1998):1252-65.

FromtheJanuary2009issueofO,TheOprahMagazine.

M.MuravenandE.Slessareva,“MechanismsofSelf-ControlFailure:MotivationandLimited

Resources,”PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin29(2003):894-906.

M.T.Gailliot,E.A.Plant,D.A.Butz,andR.F.Baumeister,“IncreasingSelf-RegulatoryStrength

CanReducetheDepletingEffectofSuppressingStereotypes,”PersonalityandSocialPsychology
Bulletin33(2007):281-94.

Chapter1

E.LockeandG.Latham,“BuildingaPracticallyUsefulTheoryofGoalSettingandTask

Motivation,”AmericanPsychologist57(2002):705-17.

G.LathamandE.Locke,“NewDevelopmentsinandDirectionsforGoal-SettingResearch,”

EuropeanPsychologist12(2007):290-300.

ItemsadaptedfromR.VallacherandD.Wegner,“LevelsofPersonalAgency:IndividualVariationin

ActionIdentification,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology57(1989):660-71.

R.VallacherandD.Wegner,“WhatDoPeopleThinkThey’reDoing?ActionIdentificationand

HumanBehavior,”PsychologicalReview94(1987):3-15.

Y.TropeandN.Liberman,“TemporalConstrual,”PsychologicalReview110(2003):403-21.

S.McCrea,N.Liberman,Y.Trope,andS.Sherman,“ConstrualLevelandProcrastination,”

PsychologicalScience19(2008):1308-14.

T.Parker-Pope,“WiththeRightMotivation,ThatHomeGymMakesSense,”NewYorkTimes,

January6,2009.

G.Oettingen,“ExpectancyEffectsonBehaviorDependonSelf-RegulatoryThought,”Social

Cognition18(2000):101-29.

D.Gilbert,StumblingonHappiness(NewYork:Knopf,2006),p.27.

G.OettingenandE.Stephens,“MentalContrastingFutureandReality:AMotivationallyIntelligent

Self-RegulatoryStrategy,”inThePsychologyofGoals,G.MoskowitzandH.Grant,eds.(NewYork:
Guilford,2009).

Chapter2

ItemsadaptedfromC.S.Dweck,C.Chiu,andY.Hong,“ImplicitTheories:Elaborationand

ExtensionoftheModel,”PsychologicalInquiry6(1995):322-33.

C.S.Dweck,Mindset(NewYork:RandomHouse,2006).

Y.Hong,C.Chiu,C.Dweck,D.Lin,andW.Wan,“ImplicitTheories,Attributions,andCoping:A

MeaningSystemsApproach,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology77(1999):588-99.

C.Erdley,K.Cain,C.Loomis,F.Dumas-Hines,andC.Dweck,“RelationsamongChildren’sSocial

Goals,ImplicitPersonalityTheories,andResponsestoSocialFailure,”DevelopmentalPsychology33
(1997):263-72.

J.Beer,“ImplicitSelf-TheoriesofShyness,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology83(2002):

1009-24.

R.Nisbett,IntelligenceandHowtoGetIt(NewYork:W.W.Norton,2009).

L.Blackwell,K.Trzesniewski,andC.Dweck,“ImplicitTheoriesofIntelligencePredictAchievement

acrossanAdolescentTransition:ALongitudinalStudyandanIntervention,”ChildDevelopment78,no.
1(2007):246-63.

R.Nisbett,IntelligenceandHowtoGetIt(NewYork:W.W.Norton,2009).

J.Bargh,P.Gollwitzer,A.Lee-Chai,K.Barndollar,andR.Troetschel,“TheAutomatedWill:

NonconsciousActivationandPursuitofBehavioralGoals,”JournalofPersonalityandSocial
Psychology81(2001):1014-27.

J.Shah,“AutomaticforthePeople:HowRepresentationsofSignificantOthersImplicitlyAffect

GoalPursuit,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology84(2003):661-81.

H.Aarts,P.M.Gollwitzer,andR.R.Hassin,“GoalContagion:PerceivingIsforPursuing,”Journal

ofPersonalityandSocialPsychology87(2004):23-37.

Chapter3

ItemsadaptedfromH.GrantandC.Dweck,“ClarifyingAchievementGoalsandTheirImpact,”

JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology85(2003):541-53.

A.J.Elliot,M.M.Shell,K.Henry,andM.Maier,“AchievementGoals,PerformanceContingencies,

andPerformanceAttainment:AnExperimentalTest,”JournalofEducationalPsychology97(2005):
630-40.

L.S.GeletyandH.Grant,“TheImpactofAchievementGoalsandDifficultyonMood,Motivation,

andPerformance,”unpublishedmanuscript,2009.

H.GrantandC.S.Dweck,“ClarifyingAchievementGoalsandTheirImpact,”JournalofPersonality

andSocialPsychology85,no.3(2003):541-53.

D.VandeWalle,S.Brown,W.Cron,andJ.Slocum,“TheInfluenceofGoalOrientationandSelf-

RegulationTacticsonSalesPerformance:ALongitudinalFieldTest,”JournalofAppliedPsychology84
(1999):249-59.

K.A.Renninger,“HowMighttheDevelopmentofIndividualInterestContributetothe

ConceptualizationofIntrinsicMotivation?”inIntrinsicandExtrinsicMotivation:TheSearchfor
OptimalMotivationandPerformance,C.SansoneandJ.M.Harackiewicz,eds.(NewYork:Academic
Press,2000),pp.375-407.

A.HowellandD.Watson,“Procrastination:AssociationswithAchievementGoalOrientationand

LearningStrategies,”PersonalityandIndividualDifferences43(2007):167-78.

R.ButlerandO.Neuman,“EffectsofTaskandEgoAchievementGoalsonHelp-SeekingBehaviors

andAttitudes,”JournalofEducationalPsychology87(1995):261-71.

H.Grant,A.Baer,andC.Dweck,“PersonalGoalsPredicttheLevelandImpactofDysphoria,”

unpublishedmanuscript,2009.

Chapter4

E.T.Higgins,“BeyondPleasureandPain,”AmericanPsychologist52(1997):1280-1300.

J.Keller,“OntheDevelopmentofRegulatoryFocus:TheRoleofParentingStyles,”European

JournalofSocialPsychology28(2008):354-64.

A.Y.Lee,J.L.Aaker,andW.L.Gardner,“ThePleasuresandPainsofDistinctSelfConstruals:The

RoleofInterdependenceinRegulatoryFocus,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology78
(2000):1122-34.

J.ShahandE.T.Higgins,“ExpectancyXValueEffects:RegulatoryFocusasDeterminantof

MagnitudeandDirection,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology73(1997):447-58.

J.Förster,H.Grant,L.C.Idson,andE.T.Higgins,“Success/FailureFeedback,Expectancies,and

Approach/AvoidanceMotivation:HowRegulatoryFocusModeratesClassicRelations,”Journalof
ExperimentalSocialPsychology37(2001):253-60.

E.T.Higgins,R.S.Friedman,R.E.Harlow,L.C.Idson,O.N.Ayduk,andA.Taylor,“Achievement

OrientationsfromSubjectiveHistoriesofSuccess:PromotionPrideversusPreventionPride,”European
JournalofSocialPsychology31(2001):3-23.

J.Norem,ThePositivePowerofNegativeThinking(NewYork:BasicBooks,2001).

P.Lockwood,C.H.Jordan,andZ.Kunda,“MotivationbyPositiveorNegativeRoleModels:

RegulatoryFocusDeterminesWhoWillBestInspireUs,”JournalofPersonalityandSocial
Psychology83(2002):854-64.

L.WerthandJ.Förster,“HowRegulatoryFocusInfluencesConsumerBehavior,”EuropeanJournal

ofSocialPsychology36(2006):1-19.

E.T.Higgins,H.Grant,andJ.Shah,“Self-RegulationandQualityofLife:EmotionalandNon-

emotionalLifeExperiences,”inWell-being:TheFoundationsofHedonicPsychology,D.Kahnemann,
E.Diener,andN.Schwarz,eds.(NewYork:RussellSageFoundation,1999),pp.244-66.

E.CroweandE.T.Higgins,“RegulatoryFocusandStrategicInclinations:PromotionandPrevention

inDecisionMaking,”OrganizationalBehaviorandHumanDecisionProcesses69(1997):117-32.

N.Liberman,L.C.Idson,C.J.Camacho,andE.T.Higgins,“PromotionandPreventionChoices

betweenStabilityandChange,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology77(1999):1135-45.

A.L.Freitas,N.Liberman,P.Salovey,andE.T.Higgins,“WhentoBegin?RegulatoryFocusand

InitiatingGoalPursuit,”PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin28(2002):121-30.

R.ZhuandJ.Meyers-Levy,“ExploringtheCognitiveMechanismThatUnderliesRegulatoryFocus

Effects,”JournalofConsumerResearch34(2007).

D.Molden,G.Lucas,W.Gardner,K.Dean,andM.Knowles,“MotivationsforPreventionor

PromotionfollowingSocialExclusion:BeingRejectedversusBeingIgnored,”JournalofPersonality
andSocialPsychology96(2009):415-31.

E.T.Higgins,“RegulatoryFitintheGoal-PursuitProcess,”inThePsychologyofGoals,G.

MoskowitzandH.Grant,eds.(NewYork:Guilford,2009).

H.Grant,A.Baer,E.T.Higgins,andN.Bolger,“CopingStyleandRegulatoryFit:EmotionalUps

andDownsinDailyLife,”unpublishedmanuscript,2010.

J.Förster,E.T.Higgins,andA.TaylorBianco,“Speed/AccuracyinPerformance:Tradeoffin

DecisionMakingorSeparateStrategicConcerns?”OrganizationalBehaviorandHumanDecision
Processes90(2003):148-64.

D.Miele,D.Molden,andW.Gardner,“MotivatedComprehensionRegulation:Vigilantversus

EagerMetacognitiveControl,”Memory&Cognition37(2009):779-95.

L.WerthandJ.Förster,“TheEffectsofRegulatoryFocusonBrakingSpeed,”JournalofApplied

SocialPsychology(2007).

P.Fuglestad,A.Rothman,andR.Jeffery,“GettingThereandHangingOn:TheEffectofRegulatory

FocusonPerformanceinSmokingandWeightLossInterventions,”HealthPsychology27(2008):
S260-70.

A.L.Freitas,N.Liberman,andE.T.Higgins,“RegulatoryFitandResistingTemptationduringGoal

Pursuit,”JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology38(2002):291-98.

A.D.GalinskyandT.Mussweiler,“FirstOffersAsAnchors:TheRoleofPerspective-Takingand

NegotiatorFocus,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology81(2001):657-69.

Chapter5

R.RyanandE.Deci,“Self-DeterminationTheoryandtheFacilitationofIntrinsicMotivation,Social

Development,andWell-being,”AmericanPsychologist55(2000):68-78.

M.E.P.Seligman,AuthenticHappiness(NewYork:FreePress,2004).

M.Hagger,N.Chatzisarantis,T.Culverhouse,andS.Biddle,“TheProcessesbyWhichPerceived

AutonomySupportinPhysicalEducationPromotesLeisure-TimePhysicalActivityIntentionsand
Behavior:ATrans-ContextualModel,”JournalofEducationalPsychology95(2003):784-95.

G.C.Williams,V.M.Grow,Z.R.Freedman,R.M.Ryan,andE.L.Deci,“MotivationalPredictorsof

WeightLossandWeight-LossMaintenance,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology70(1996):
115-26.

G.C.Williams,Z.R.Freedman,andE.L.Deci,“SupportingAutonomytoMotivatePatientswith

DiabetesforGlucoseControl,”DiabetesCare21(1998):1644-51.

R.M.Ryan,R.W.Plant,andS.O’Malley,“InitialMotivationsforAlcoholTreatment:Relationswith

PatientCharacteristics,TreatmentInvolvementandDropout,”AddictiveBehaviors20(1995):279-97.

A.GreensteinandR.Koestner,“Autonomy,Self-Efficacy,ReadinessandSuccessatNewYear’s

Resolutions,”paperpresentedatthemeetingoftheCanadianPsychologyAssociation,Ottawa,Ontario,
Canada,1994.

E.L.Deci,J.Nezlek,andL.Sheinman,“CharacteristicsoftheRe-warderandIntrinsicMotivationof

theRewardee,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology40(1981):1-10.

D.I.CordovaandM.R.Lepper,“IntrinsicMotivationandtheProcessofLearning:BeneficialEffects

ofContextualization,Personalization,andChoice,”JournalofEducationalPsychology88(1996):715-
30.

E.J.LangerandJ.Rodin,“TheEffectsofChoiceandEnhancedPersonalResponsibilityforthe

Aged:AFieldExperimentinanInstitutionalSetting,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology34
(1976):191-98.

R.M.Ryan,S.Rigby,andK.King,“TwoTypesofReligiousInternalizationandTheirRelationsto

ReligiousOrientationsandMentalHealth,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology65(1993):
586-96.

Chapter7

T.Chartrand,J.Huber,B.Shiv,andR.Tanner,“NonconsciousGoalsandConsumerChoice,”Journal

ofConsumerResearch35(2008):189-201.

Chapter8

CharlesS.CarverandMichaelF.Scheier,AttentionandSelf-Regulation:AControl-TheoryApproach

toHumanBehavior(NewYork:Springer,1981).

Chapter9

C.J.Armitage,“ImplementationIntentionsandEatingaLow-FatDiet:ARandomizedControlled

Trial,”HealthPsychology23(2004):319-23.

C.Armitage,“EfficacyofaBriefWorksiteInterventiontoReduceSmoking:TheRolesofBehavioral

andImplementationIntentions,”JournalofOccupationalHealthPsychology12(2007):376-90.

P.M.GollwitzerandP.Sheeran,“ImplementationIntentionsandGoalAchievement:AMeta-analysis

ofEffectsandProcesses,”AdvancesinExperimentalSocialPsychology38(2006):69-119.

C.Martijn,H.Alberts,P.Sheeran,G.Peters,J.Mikolajczak,andN.deVries,“BlockedGoals,

PersistentAction:ImplementationIntentionsEngenderTenaciousGoalStriving,”Journalof
ExperimentalSocialPsychology44(2008):1137-43.

A.Achtziger,P.Gollwitzer,andP.Sheeran,“ImplementationIntentionsandShieldingGoalStriving

fromUnwantedThoughtsandFeelings,”PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin34(2008):381-93.

Chapter10

A.L.DuckworthandM.E.P.Seligman,“Self-DisciplineOutdoesIQPredictingAcademic

PerformanceinAdolescents,”PsychologicalScience16(2005):939-44.

K.Vohs,R.Baumeister,B.Schmeichel,J.Twenge,N.Nelson,andD.Tice,“MakingChoicesImpairs

SubsequentSelf-Control:ALimited-ResourceAccountofDecisionMaking,Self-Regulation,and
ActiveInitiative,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology94(2008):883-98.

M.Muraven,“BuildingSelf-ControlStrength:PracticingSelf-ControlLeadstoImprovedSelf-

ControlPerformance,”JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology46(2010):465-68.

M.OatenandK.Cheng,“LongitudinalGainsinSelf-RegulationfromRegularPhysicalExercise,”

BritishJournalofHealthPsychology11(2006):717-33.

M.vanDellenandR.Hoyle,“RegulatoryAccessibilityandSocialInfluencesonStateSelf-Control,”

PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin36(2010):251-63.

J.M.Ackerman,N.J.Goldstein,J.R.Shapiro,andJ.A.Bargh,“YouWearMeOut:TheVicarious

DepletionofSelf-Control,”PsychologicalScience20(2009):326-32.

D.M.Tice,R.F.Baumeister,D.Shmueli,andM.Muraven,“RestoringtheSelf:PositiveAffectHelps

ImproveSelf-RegulationfollowingEgoDepletion,”JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology43
(2007):379-84.

M.T.Gailliot,R.F.Baumeister,C.N.DeWall,etal.,“Self-ControlReliesonGlucoseAsaLimited

EnergySource:WillpowerIsMoreThanaMetaphor,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology92
(2007):325-36.

R.T.DonohoeandD.Benton,“BloodGlucoseControlandAggressivenessinFemales,”Personality

andIndividualDifferences26(1999):905-11.

R.F.Baumeister,T.F.Heatherton,andD.M.Tice,LosingControl:HowandWhyPeopleFailat

Self-Regulation(SanDiego,Calif.:AcademicPress,1994).

M.MuravenandE.Slessareva,“MechanismsofSelf-ControlFailure:MotivationandLimited

Resources,”PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin29(2003):894-906.

L.Nordgren,F.vanHarreveld,andJ.vanderPligt,“TheRestraintBias:HowtheIllusionofSelf-

RestraintPromotesImpulsiveBehavior,”PsychologicalScience20,no.12(2009):1523-28.

Chapter11

K.Assad,M.Donnellan,andR.Conger,“Optimism:AnEnduringResourceforRomantic

Relationships,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology93(2007):285-97.

A.Geers,J.Wellman,andG.Lassiter,“DispositionalOptimismandEngagement:TheModerating

InfluenceofGoalPrioritization,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology96(2009):913-32.

S.C.Segerstrom,“OptimismandAttentionalBiasforNegativeandPositiveStimuli,”Personality

andSocialPsychologyBulletin27(2001):1334-43.

B.GibsonandD.Sanbonmatsu,“Optimism,Pessimism,andGambling:TheDownsideof

Optimism,”PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin30(2004):149-59.

L.Sanna,“DefensivePessimism,Optimism,andSimulatingAlternatives:SomeUpsandDownsof

PrefactualandCounterfactualThinking,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology71(1996):
1020-36.

N.D.Weinstein,“UnrealisticOptimismaboutFutureLifeEvents,”JournalofPersonalityandSocial

Psychology39(1980):806-20.

P.Harris,D.Griffin,andS.Murray,“TestingtheLimitsofOptimisticBias:EventandPerson

ModeratorsinaMultilevelFramework,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology95(2008):
1225-37.

J.Ruthig,R.Perry,N.Hall,andS.Hladkyj,“OptimismandAttributionalRetraining:Longitudinal

EffectsonAcademicAchievement,TestAnxiety,andVoluntaryCourseWithdrawalinCollege
Students,”JournalofAppliedSocialPsychology34(2004):709-30.

I.D.RivkinandS.E.Taylor,“TheEffectsofMentalSimulationonCopingwithControllable

StressfulEvents,”PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin25,no.12(1999):1451-62.

Chapter12

A.L.Duckworth,C.Peterson,M.D.Matthews,andD.R.Kelly,“Grit:PerseveranceandPassionfor

Long-TermGoals,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology92,no.6(2007):1087-1101.

B.Weiner,AnAttributionalTheoryofMotivationandEmotion(NewYork:Springer-Verlag,1986).

R.D.Hess,C.Chih-Mei,andT.M.McDevitt,“CulturalVariationsinFamilyBeliefsaboutChildren’s

PerformanceinMathematics:ComparisonsamongPeople’sRepublicofChina,Chinese-American,and
Caucasian-AmericanFamilies,”JournalofEducationalPsychology79,no.2(1982):179-88.

K.Shikanai,“EffectsofSelf-EsteemonAttributionofSuccess-Failure,”JapaneseJournalof

ExperimentalSocialPsychology18(1978):47-55.

R.D.Hess,C.Chih-Mei,andT.M.McDevitt,“CulturalVariationsinFamilyBeliefsaboutChildren’s

PerformanceinMathematics:ComparisonsamongPeople’sRepublicofChina,Chinese-American,and
Caucasian-AmericanFamilies,”JournalofEducationalPsychology79,no.2(1982):179-88.

N.JostmannandS.Koole,“WhenPersistenceIsFutile:AFunctionalAnalysisofActionOrientation

andGoalDisengagement,”inThePsychologyofGoals,G.MoskowitzandH.Grant,eds.(NewYork:
Guilford,2009).

C.Wrosch,M.F.Scheier,G.E.Miller,R.Schulz,andC.S.Carver,“AdaptiveSelf-Regulationof

UnattainableGoals:GoalDisengagement,GoalRe-engagement,andSubjectiveWell-being,”
PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin29(2003):1494-1508.

Chapter13

M.H.Kemis,J.Brockner,andB.S.Frankel,“Self-EsteemandReactionstoFailure:TheMediating

RoleofOvergeneralization,”JournalofPersonality57(1989):707-14.

J.HenderlongandM.R.Lepper,“TheEffectsofPraiseonChildren’sIntrinsicMotivation:AReview

andSynthesis,”PsychologicalBulletin128(2002):774-95.

C.M.MuellerandC.S.Dweck,“PraiseforIntelligenceCanUndermineChildren’sMotivationand

Performance,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology75(1998):33-52.

Index

abandoninggoals
abilities

effortvs.ability
andentitybeliefs
andfeedback
andgrittiness
andincrementalbeliefs
malleablenatureof

abstractthinking
accuracy
achievement

anddifficultgoals
emotionalresponsesto
andfeedback
andgrittiness
andoptimism
andpromotion-focusedgoals
triggersfor

activelearning
aggression
Allen,David
AmericanDream
anger
anxiety

andif-thenplanning
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andmotivation
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andrelationships

apathy
approval
Asians
assistance
athletes
attention
attributionalretraining
autonomy

autonomoushelp

autonomy-supportive
creatingthefeelingofchoice
andcreativetasks
defined
andenjoyment
andfeedback
andgoalacceptance
andgrittiness
andhappiness
humanneedfor
andinternalization
andmotivation
andrewards
satisfyingtheneedfor
ofstudents
andsuperficialgoals
andwhyvs.whatmind-sets

Baer,Allison
Bargh,John
Baumeister,Roy
Beer,Jennifer
beinggood.Seeperformancegoalsandmind-set(beinggood)
beliefs
TheBiggestLoser
bloodglucose
Bolger,Niles
brandnames
breastself-examination
Bright-Sided:HowtheRelentlessPromotionofPositiveThinkingHasUnderminedAmerica
(Ehrenreich)
Butler,Ruth

caution
CentersforDiseaseControlandPrevention(CDC)
cervicalcancerscreenings
Chartrand,Tanya
children

andbeliefsaboutpersonality
andcreatingthefeelingofchoice
andeffortvs.ability

andfeedback
andgoalcontagion
andhappiness
implicittheoriesof
andintelligence
andinternalization
andmotivation
andpromotionvs.preventionparenting
andrewards
androlemodels
Seealsostudents

choice

creatingthefeelingofchoice
andgoalacceptance
Seealsoautonomy

choosinggoals.Seegoalassignment
Clinton,Bill
commitmenttogoals
competence

andhappiness
humanneedfor
andinternalization
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
satisfyingtheneedfor
andsuperficialgoals

competinggoals
competition
concretethinkers
confidence

andcreatingthefeelingofchoice
andexpectationsofdifficulties
andfeedback
andmentalcontrasting
andpersonalcontrol
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andself-control
andvigilance
Seealsooptimism

Confucianism
conservativebias
consumerism
contracts
control

andfeedback
andincentives
andinternalization
andmotivation
andoptimismvs.pessimism
andpersonalchoices
andsuperficialgoals

Cordova,Diana
counterfactualthinking
creativity
criticism.Seealsofeedback
cues.Seetriggers
culture
deadlines
death,thoughtsof
Deci,Edward
decisionmaking
defensivepessimism
depression

amongcollegestudents
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andpersonalcontrol
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets

desirabilityinformation
detailorientation
difficulttasksandgoals

andchoosinggoals
anddepression
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andpositivethinking
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andspecificgoals
andspeed-accuracytrade-offs
andthevalueofchallenginggoals
andwhyvs.whatmodesofthinking

discrepancyreduction
disruptivethoughts
distractions
“do-your-best”goals
Duckworth,Angela
Dweck,Carol

onbeliefsaboutability
onbeliefsaboutpersonality

onfeedback
onintelligence
onmasteryvs.performancegoals

eagerness
Easterncultures
easygoals
Edison,Thomas
education.Seealsostudents
effortvs.ability

challengingassumptionsabout
andfeedback
andgrittiness
andoptimism
andpersistence

Ehrenreich,Barbara
Elliot,Andrew
emotionalresponsestosuccessandfailure
empathy
encouragement
enjoyment

andautonomy
choosingagoalfor
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andrewards

entitybeliefs
environment

importanceof
andintelligence
limitsof
triggersin
evaluation

exercise

andif-thenplanning
andintrinsicmotivation
andmissedopportunities
andself-control
triggersfor

ExpectancyValueTheory
expectationsforsuccess

anddefensivepessimism
andexpectationsofdifficulty

andfeedback
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets

expedienthelp

failure

emotionalresponsesto
expectationsof
explanationsfor
andfeedback
andgrittiness
andintentions
andperformancemind-sets(beinggood)
andpersistence
andpositivethinking
andresilience
andself-control
andwillpower

falsealarms
fame
feasibilityinformation
feedback

anddiscrepancyreduction
negativefeedback
positivefeedback
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andself-esteem
self-monitoring
specificityin

financialgain
foodandself-control.Seealsoweightloss
Förster,Jens
framing
future,influenceondecisionmakingof

Gailliot,Matthew
gains

andcreativetasks
emotionalresponsesto
andframing
andparentingstyles

andpromotion-focusedgoals
andrelationships
andspeed-accuracytrade-offs

Galinsky,Adam
gambling
Gelety,Laura
generosity
gettingbetter.Seemasterygoalsandmind-set(gettingbetter)
GettingThingsDone(Allen)
gifts
Gilbert,Dan
glucose
goalassignment

foraccuracy
forcreativity
fordifficulttasks
foreasytasks
forenjoyment
forhappiness
forprocrastination
forspeed
fortemptation

goalcontagion

described
effectivenessof
andmastery(gettingbetter)interventions
androlemodels
andself-control

goals,prioritizationof
goalsforothers

andthedirectapproach
andframing
andgoalcontagion
andtriggers

goalshielding
Gollwitzer,Peter
goodperformance.Seeperformancegoalsandmind-set(beinggood)
Green,David
grittiness

habits
H.A.L.T.—Hungry,Angry,Lonely,Tired

happiness

andabandoninggoals
choosingagoalfor
andcreatingthefeelingofchoice
anddifficultgoals
andhumanneeds
andinternalization
andintrinsicmotivation
andmatchingstrategiestogoals
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andsuperficialgoals

health
HeartsofGold
helpingothers
Henderlong,Jennifer
Higgins,Tory

andmatchingstrategiestogoals
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andreactionstofailure

high-performancecycle
home-gymequipment
humanneeds

described
andhappiness
andinternalization
andsuperficialgoals
Seealsoautonomy;competence;relatedness

hunger
Idson,LorraineChen
if-thenplanning
implementationintentions
implicittheories
importanceofgoalsetting

anddistant-vs.near-futureplans
andpositivethinking
andspecificanddifficultgoals
andwhyvs.whatmind-sets

impulsivity
incentives.Seerewardsandincentives
incrementalbeliefs
independence.Seealsoautonomy
inhibition
intelligence

andcompetence
entitytheoryof
incrementaltheoryof
malleablenatureof
andperformancemind-sets(beinggood)
andrateofsuccess

IntelligenceandHowtoGetIt(Nisbett)
intentions
interdependence
internalization
intrinsicmotivation

andautonomy
andcreativetasks
defined
effectivenessof
andenjoyment
andfeedback
inhibitionof
andrewards

inverse-effortrule

judgment

KIPP(KnowledgeIsPowerProgram)charterschools
Koenigsberger,Deborah
LakeWobegoneffect
Langer,Ellen
Latham,Gary
Lepper,Mark
Liberman,Nira
Locke,Edwin
loneliness
long-termgoals
losses

andframing
andparentingstyles
andprevention-focusedgoals
andrelationships
andspeed-accuracytrade-offs
andvalueofthegoal

love,pursuitof

masterygoalsandmind-set(gettingbetter)

about
advantagesof
andassistance
anddepression
anddifficulttasksandgoals
andenjoyment
andevaluation
andfeedback
andframing
andgoalcontagion
andgrittiness
andhappiness
andpersistence
andstudents

McCrea,Sean
mentalcontrasting
Mindset(Dweck)
misregulation
missedopportunities
Molden,Dan
monitoring
moodboosters
motivation

andautonomy
andchildren
andcreatingthefeelingofchoice
anddefensivepessimism
andfeedback
andinternalization
andmentalcontrasting
andperformancevs.masterymind-sets
andplanning
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andrewards
studentmotivation
undermining
andwhyvs.whatmind-sets
Seealsointrinsicmotivation

Mueller,Claudia
multiplegoals
Muraven,Mark
necessitytoact(state)

negotiation
NewYear’sresolutions
Nisbett,Richard
Norem,Julie
nursinghomeresidents

Obama,Barack
obstaclestogoals

anddefensivepessimism
andif-thenplanning
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andmentalcontrasting
andoptimism
andpositivethinking
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andwhyvs.whatmodesofthinking

Oettingen,Gabriele
opportunitiestoactongoals
optimism

andattributionalretraining
benefitsof
andcounterfactualthinking
dangersof
andgains-orientedthinking
increasingoptimism
andpersonalcontrol
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
realisticoptimism
unrealisticoptimism
andvalueofthegoal
Seealsoconfidence

others,choosinggoalsfor.Seegoalsforothers

parenting
Parker-Pope,Tara
passivity
performancegoalsandmind-set(beinggood)

about
advantagesof
andassistance
anddepression

anddifficulttasksandgoals
andeasytasks
andenjoyment
andevaluation
andfeedback
andframing
andpersistence
andstudents

persistence

andabandoningagoal
anddifficultgoals
andeffortvs.ability
andexplanationsforsuccesses/failures
andgrittiness
importanceof
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andpre-medstudents
andwhyvs.whatmind-sets

personality,beliefsabout
pessimism

andcounterfactualthinking
defensivepessimism
andgambling
andpersonalcontrol
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andvalueofthegoal
Seealsoprevention-focusedgoalsandmind-set

physicalaptitudes
planning

effectivenessof
if-thenplanning
andmissedopportunities

popularity
ThePositivePowerofNegativeThinking(Norem)
positivethinking.Seealsooptimism
power
praise.Seefeedback
prejudice
pre-medstudies
pressure
prestige
prevention-focusedgoalsandmindset

about

andbeingloved/stayingsafe
andconservativebias
andculturalcontext
anddifficultgoals
andeasytasks
andemotionalresponses
andfeedback
andframing
loss-orientationof
andmotivation
andoptimismvs.pessimism
andparentingstyles
andprocrastination
andrelationships
andrisktaking
androlemodels
andshopping
andspeed-accuracytrade-offs
strategiesthatmatch
strengths/weaknessesof
andtemptation
andvalueofthegoal

prioritizationofgoals
procrastination

choosingagoalfor
andperformancevs.masterymind-sets
andprevention-focusedgoals
andwhyvs.whatmind-sets
promotion-focusedgoalsandmind-set

about
andtheAmericanDream
andbeingloved/stayingsafe
andcreativetasks
andculturalcontext
anddifficultgoals
andeasytasks
andemotionalresponses
andfeedback
andframing
gains-orientationof
andlikelihoodofsuccess
andmotivation
andnegotiation

andoptimismvs.pessimism
andparentingstyles
andrelationships
andrisktaking
androlemodels
andself-doubt
andshopping
andspeed-accuracytrade-offs
strategiesthatmatch
strengths/weaknessesof
andvalueofthegoal

publiccommitment
publicimage
punishments

realisticthinkingandgoals
rebelliousness
rejection
relatedness

andautonomy
andhappiness
humanneedfor
andinternalization
satisfyingtheneedfor

relationships

andbeliefsaboutpersonality
goalsrelatedto
andhappiness
humanneedfor
andinterdependence
andloneliness
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andoptimism
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andsuperficialgoals

relaxation
religiousbehaviors
resilience
rewardsandincentives

andautonomy
andcreativetasks
andenjoymentoftasks

andfeedback
andhappiness
andintrinsicmotivation
andperformancemind-sets(beinggood)
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andself-control

risktaking
Rodin,Judy
rolemodels

andgoalcontagion
positiveandnegativerolemodels
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andself-control

Ryan,Richard

saboteursofgoals

andfeedback
andgoalshielding
andmisregulation
andmissedopportunities
andunderregulation

sadness
safety,pursuitof
self-control

andbloodglucose
capacitylimitsof
contagiousnessof
depletionof
andempathy
fatigueof
andgoalcontagion
andif-thenplanning
andmultiplegoals
natureof
overestimationof
andrecovery
andrewardsorincentives
androlemodels
strengthening
struggleswith
andtemptation
andunderregulation

self-determination
self-fulfillingprophecies
self-monitoring
self-worth

externalevidenceof
andhappiness
andmasterymind-sets(gettingbetter)
andperformancemind-sets(beinggood)

Seligman,Martin
Shah,James
Sheeran,Paschal
Sherman,Steven
shopping
signaldetection
Slessareva,Elisaveta
smokingandsmokingcessation

andfailurerates
andintrinsicmotivation
andplanning
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andself-control
andtriggers

specificityingoals
speed-accuracytrade-offs
sports
stress
Stroebe,Wolfgang
students

andattributionalretraining
andcreatingthefeelingofchoice
effortvs.abilityin
andevaluation
andfeedback
andgoalcontagion
andintrinsicmotivation
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andpersistence
Seealsochildren

StumblingonHappiness(Gilbert)
sugar
superficialgoals
surveillance

talent.Seeabilities
teamsports
temptation

choosingagoalfor
andcompetinggoals
andgoalinhibition
andgoalshielding
andif-thenplanning
andprevention-focusedgoals
andself-control
andwhyvs.whatmind-sets

threats
time,influenceondecisionmakingof
triggers

effectivenessof
andencouraginggoalsinothers
incorporationof
andweightmanagement

Trope,Yaacov

unconsciousgoalpursuit

advantagesof
andenvironmentalcues(seealsotriggers)
andif-thenplanning
incorporationof
andmotivatingothers

underregulation
unrealisticgoals

vaguegoals
validation

anddepression
andentitybeliefs
andhappiness
andmasteryvs.performancemind-sets
andtypesofgoals

Vallacher,Robin
VandeWalle,Don
vigilance

andconfidence
anddefensivepessimism

andmotivation
andrelationships
andtemptation

visualization

wealth
Wegner,Dan
weightloss

andcompetinggoals
andfailurerates
andfeedback
andintrinsicmotivation
andplanning
andpromotionvs.preventionmind-sets
andself-control
andspecificityingoals
andtriggers

WeightWatchers
Weinstein,Neil
well-being
Werth,Lioba
Westerncultures
whyvs.whatmind-sets

andautonomy
anddifficultgoals
anddistant-vs.near-futureplans
andmotivation
andprocrastination
andself-control
andtemptation

willpower.Seealsoself-control
Winfrey,Oprah
worry

Document Outline

Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Foreword
Introduction
PART ONE - Get Ready
- CHAPTER 1 - Do You Know Where You Are Going?
- CHAPTER 2 - Do You Know Where Your Goals Come From?
PART TWO - Get Set
PART THREE - Go
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Notes
Index

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