On the Rocks • Ari McKay
2
On the Rocks
A
IDAN
Grimm strolled into Ground Zero at twelve fifteen,
unrepentantly late as usual, but he knew Mal would be
waiting, and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee greeted him
as soon as he walked through the door. As he finger-brushed
his tousled dark hair into place, he glanced around and saw
that Mal was indeed waiting for him at a two-seater window
table.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said as he approached, which they
both knew wasn’t true.
Dr. Malcolm Saltzman raised one eyebrow at him, blue
eyes dancing with amusement. “I’m sure you are,” he replied.
“What was it this time? Traffic jam? Stolen wallet? No, wait.
You stopped to help a woman who’d gone into labor in the
middle of the sidewalk, and the grateful parents are naming
their new son after you?”
Aidan fixed him with a wide-eyed gaze, trying to look
innocent. “All of the above. How’d you know?”
Mal chuckled. “You’re incorrigible. That look might fool
some people, but not me. I used to watch you practicing it in
the mirror.”
“The dangers of keeping you around so long,” Aidan
replied, plucking a menu out of its stand. “I should get a
pass on tardiness today anyway. Isn’t there a rule about
that? If there isn’t, there should be.”
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“Oh?” Mal frowned in puzzlement. “Today? What’s so
special about today?”
Aidan gave him an aggrieved look over the top of the
menu. “Oh come on. Don’t try to tell me you haven’t already
arranged for a stupid cupcake with a stupid candle on it to
be brought out later when I ‘least expect it’. Deny it, and I’ll
call bullshit.”
Mal’s jaw dropped. “Your birthday! Geez, Aidan, I’m so
sorry, but I completely forgot!” he said apologetically. “I only
got back from Morocco day before yesterday, and I’m still jet-
lagged. I’m afraid the date slipped my mind.”
Try as he might to maintain his facade of casual
aloofness, Aidan couldn’t keep his expression from
crumbling at that. It wasn’t just the shock of Mal forgetting
his birthday, because Mal was the sentimental type who
always remembered birthdays, or that he cared much about
his birthday in general, because he didn’t. No, what bothered
him most was that it meant he wouldn’t be adding anything
new to his collection this year, and that disappointed him
more than anything else.
When they were roommates at Cal Tech, Aidan had
been fascinated by Mal’s rock collection. Mal, a geology
major, had an amazing assortment of stones. When Aidan
asked, Mal had told him the significance of each one, both
scientifically and personally. Aidan had particularly liked a
small, rough piece of black stone that Mal had called an
Apache Tear. He’d told Aidan the legend of how they had
been formed when a group of Apache warriors, fighting a
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losing battle, had ridden their horses off a cliff, and the tears
of the warriors’ families had hardened into stone when they
hit the ground.
Aidan had been intrigued by the stone, and that
October, Mal had given it to him as a birthday gift. Mal had
seemed surprised when he displayed it prominently on his
desk, but after a lifetime of being given impersonal gifts with
no thought behind them, that simple rock meant more to
him than any gold Rolex.
After that, Mal had given him a rock for every
Christmas and birthday. They’d been from his own collection
at first, but when Mal had started doing field work, he gave
Aidan rocks he found on his trips. Mal explained what the
rock was and sometimes gave him a book as well if there was
a particularly interesting story behind it. But there was
always a rock, each one unique.
Mal never asked what he did with the rocks, and Aidan
had never told him. No one else knew but his housekeeper,
who was the only other person who ever saw the inside of his
bedroom; he rarely took lovers home, and when he did, he
took them to a guest room, not to his private sanctum. So no
one ever saw the case he’d commissioned to display the
rocks Mal had given him over the years; each one was placed
in the order it was received with a note to remind him of
what it was and where it had come from, and he always
looked forward to adding a new one.
“It’s okay,” he said, trying to sound more nonchalant
than he felt. The last thing he wanted was for Mal to realize
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how disappointed he was. “I’m surprised you haven’t run out
of ideas by now anyway. Sometimes I’ve wondered if you’ve
just been wrapping pebbles you found in your shoe.”
“Oh, you expected me to give you a rock?” Mal asked,
his expression suddenly too innocent. “Wouldn’t you prefer
something more special for your thirtieth birthday?”
“Like what?” Aidan asked, eyeing Mal suspiciously.
“Well, a rock is boring, isn’t it?” Mal reached into the
pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small black box tied up
with a silver bow. “I mean, if you can’t tell the difference
between a pebble I picked up on a street and a two-hundred-
million-year-old piece of fossilized wood….”
Aidan could tell the difference between every single
piece in his collection without even looking at the notes
anymore, including the piece of fossilized wood Mal had
given him for his twenty-fifth birthday, but he wasn’t about
to admit that aloud.
“You said you forgot! You probably lied about the
cupcake too,” he exclaimed, barely refraining from reaching
across the table and grabbing the box in his eagerness to see
what was inside.
Mal grinned. “After you kept me waiting for fifteen
minutes, I thought a little payback was in order,” he replied,
sliding the box across the table.
“I knew it,” Aidan grumbled even as he picked up the
box and tugged the ribbon loose.
On a nest of black velvet lay a brownish stone, roughly
the size of a walnut, with odd white patches all over and a
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rough, pitted surface. It wasn’t as pretty as some of the
rocks Mal had given him, but it was definitely unusual;
Aidan had never seen anything like it.
He took a moment to examine it, admiring its unique
appearance, and he glanced up at Mal, waiting for the origin
story he knew was coming. “Are you going to tell me what
the hell it is, or do I have to guess?”
Mal’s smile turned smug. “You hold in your hand, my
dear Mr. Grimm, a piece of the moon.”
“Seriously?” Aidan couldn’t keep the amazement he
felt from permeating his voice as he stared at Mal. “Where
did you get it?”
“It’s the reason I was in Morocco,” Mal said, his eyes
alight. “I went to find out if a meteor strike there was a
lunarite: a meteorite that originated from the impact of an
asteroid on the moon. When that happens, rock is
sometimes ejected from the moon’s orbit, and eventually falls
to earth. I verified its authenticity, and the owner gave me
this piece. Now you can say someone’s given you the moon.”
Aidan removed the piece of moon rock from its box
carefully and examined it closely to cover the surge of
wistfulness he felt at Mal’s words. When Mal gave him one of
those earnest looks, he felt a dangerous surge in his chest—
a much higher location on his body than where he usually
felt surges. It didn’t help that Mal was ridiculously
appealing. Blond hair, blue eyes, and usually sporting two or
three days’ worth of stubble that Aidan would have loved to
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feel rasping against his skin. Mal was far more outdoorsy
than Aidan’s usual type, but no one was perfect.
It wasn’t even incompatible sexuality keeping them
apart since Mal was gay too. No, Aidan had to squelch any
wayward longings because Mal was his best friend. Hell, Mal
was his only friend. Aidan didn’t like or trust most people;
they flocked to him due to his illustrious family name and
even more illustrious family fortune, and he loathed gold
diggers and ass-kissers. Mal was the one person in the world
whom Aidan was sure liked him for himself, not his money
or social status, and he didn’t want to ruin that with sex
because he sure as hell couldn’t sustain a relationship. After
being burned one too many times, he’d limited himself to
hookups that lasted no longer than a weekend.
So the one person from whom he wanted the moon
and stars and everything else was the last person in the
world who could give it to him—and yet he held it in his
hands nonetheless. The closest to the moon and stars as he
would ever get, thanks to Mal.
“Thanks,” he said, offering a small but genuine smile.
“It’s really cool.”
Mal’s smile faded. “Should I have gotten you
something more—” He paused, looking uncertain. “Normal?”
“No!” Aidan shook his head, closing his fingers
possessively around the lunarite. “No, I mean it. It really is
cool. Normal is overrated, and I’d much rather hold a piece of
the moon in my hand.” He smiled wryly and shrugged, trying
to think of something that would explain his bout of
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melancholy without revealing anything about the true
direction of his thoughts. “I guess turning the big three-oh is
hitting me harder than I thought. I’ve been moody all day.”
Mal placed one hand atop Aidan’s. “Hey, thirty is no
big deal. You aren’t going to wake up tomorrow with wrinkles
and gray hair.”
“Just promise that if I start to lose my boyish good
looks, you’ll lie and tell me I haven’t,” Aidan joked as he
valiantly tried to ignore the warmth of Mal’s hand on his.
“You look better every year,” Mal replied. “I wish you’d
tell me how you do it!”
Aidan chuckled, but he was also pleased because he
knew Mal meant it. Unlike most people Aidan was
surrounded by, Mal always told him the truth even if he
didn’t always want to hear it.
“If you want my beauty secrets, it’s going to take more
than a moon rock to pry them out of me,” he replied.
“I tried!” Mal squeezed Aidan’s hand before releasing it.
“At least you’re smiling again, which is how it should be on
your birthday, especially when you’re handsome, rich, and
brilliant.”
“All that, and I have a new rock,” Aidan replied lightly,
holding up the lunarite between his thumb and forefinger. “I
can’t think of anything to top all that.” He paused and then
fixed Mal with a stern look. “But if you had them put an ‘over
the hill’ candle on my cupcake, you’re dead meat, Saltzman.”
Mal held up his hands defensively. “No over-the-hill
jokes, I promise!” he replied, and Aidan suddenly heard the
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sound of clapping. The entire staff of the coffee shop
surrounded their table, one of them holding a plate with a
chocolate cupcake with mocha icing—his favorite—topped
with a single white candle. Mal led them in a rousing
rendition of “Happy Birthday,” his deep baritone louder than
the rest combined.
It was no less than Aidan expected from someone as
sentimental as Mal, who had seemed shocked and dismayed
to learn that Aidan’s childhood birthdays hadn’t been filled
with cake and ice cream, festooned with balloons, and
celebrated with romping clowns. He doubted this was the
kind of glamorous birthday celebration that the socialites of
Seattle would have expected him to have, but it was the kind
he wanted, and as he carefully put his little piece of the
moon back in its box, he considered this to be a happy
birthday indeed.
T
HE
second annual Halloween Masquerade was in full
swing, and Aidan was already bored. The masked ball was
hosted by the University of Washington to raise money for a
charity that promoted the development and support of
science programs in local public schools. Aidan had added
the charity to the list of organizations that Grimm Industries
donated to each year, which had earned him an invitation.
The Masquerade was being held in the ballroom of one
of Seattle’s finest hotels with live music and an extensive
buffet table, where champagne flowed from seemingly
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endless bottles provided by impeccably dressed hotel staff.
There was food, too, but Aidan had been more focused on
the champagne. He’d been feeling out of sorts since his
birthday, and he looked at the ball as an opportunity to get a
little buzzed and relax, which was better than sitting at
home and eating a bucket of candy alone.
He had indulged his inner dork and put together an
outfit reminiscent of Hugh Jackman’s costume in Van
Helsing, complete with a billowy coat of bad-assness and a
dashing hat worn at a rakish angle. It wasn’t an exact
replica, but he’d enjoyed the challenge of creating a close
match. The final touch was a black half-mask, since all the
guests were required to remain anonymous until midnight,
when there would be a formal unmasking.
Snagging his third glass of champagne, Aidan
sauntered around the ballroom, mentally rating the other
guests’ costumes. As he passed a black crepe-paper-wrapped
marble column, he suddenly found himself nose-to-nose
with a man dressed all in black.
“Excuse me,” the man said, his eyes widening slightly
behind his black mask. He stepped back, and Aidan could
see that he was dressed as the Dread Pirate Roberts version
of Westley from The Princess Bride. He wore snug black
pants tucked into high black boots along with black leather
gloves and a billowy black shirt with open laces at his throat.
“No harm done,” Aidan said, offering his most
charming smile. “I didn’t even spill my champagne.”
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“Good, it would be a shame to waste it.” There was the
faintest slur to “Westley’s” words, just enough that Aidan
could tell he’d probably had a couple of glasses himself.
Then Westley smiled. “Van Helsing, right? I loved that movie.
Hugh Jackman is hot.”
Aidan couldn’t help but smirk at little at that. “Yes, he
is,” he agreed, taking a step closer to the sexy pirate. “I hope
I’m doing justice to the original.”
“You’re doing fine,” Westley replied, his blue eyes
darkening behind the mask. “I really like the coat. It makes
you look menacing.”
“Mmm… I’m not sure I want to look menacing,” Aidan
replied, taking a sip of his champagne as he gazed steadily at
Westley. “Well, not unless you’re here with a date who’d try
to beat me up for talking to you.”
Westley shook his head. “I was guilt-tripped into
coming by some of my coworkers. And menacing isn’t bad.
It’s sexy.”
Now that was more like it. Aidan turned up the “come
hither” wattage of his smile and leaned in, closing the
distance between them even more. The more he looked at
Westley, the more he wanted to see what he would unwrap if
he unfastened those lacings. That Westley reminded him a
little of Mal wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on, and he
pushed the thought aside.
“Guilt-tripped, eh?” He took another sip of champagne
and licked his lips under the pretense of capturing a stray
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drop. “Does that mean you aren’t into the whole masked ball
thing?”
Westley’s gaze was drawn to his lips, just as he had
intended. “No, I’m not much into parties,” he said,
chuckling. “Balls are a different matter entirely, though.”
The blatant bawdiness shocked and delighted Aidan,
and he couldn’t hold back startled laughter. Whoever
Westley was, he wasn’t anything like the proper and polite
socialites Aidan usually met at these events.
“A man after my own heart,” he said, his smile turning
wicked. “Or maybe that’s the wrong body part.”
“That’s not the first one that comes to mind, no,”
Westley replied. “Definitely something a bit further south.”
“Then why don’t we do something about it?” Aidan
suggested, throwing caution to the wind. It was Halloween,
and he was safely anonymous behind his mask; Westley
wouldn’t know—and thus wouldn’t be able to tell anyone,
especially not the gossip news—he’d gone to bed with Aidan
Grimm. For once, Aidan could shed his face, his name, his
reputation and all the other baggage he carried around and
just be… Well, just be. “I’ve booked a room here at the hotel.
We could ditch these boring old farts and have our own
private party.”
Westley looked at him and nodded slowly. “I’d like
that. Who better than a monster hunter to cast out demons,
right?”
That was certainly an interesting and unexpected
response, and Aidan wondered if perhaps Westley had his
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own baggage to carry around, but he wasn’t going to ask.
That would be getting far more personal than he cared to be
tonight.
“Two conditions,” he said, holding up his forefinger.
“First, we keep the masks on. For the record, I don’t usually
do anonymous hookups, but tonight is different. Second,” he
continued, holding up another finger, “no real names. You’re
Westley, and if you absolutely must shout a name when
you’re out of your mind with ecstasy, make it ‘Gabriel’.”
“Fine.” Westley stepped closer, pressing against
Aidan’s body. “Take me to your room, Gabriel,” he
murmured, his lips close to Aidan’s ear. “We’ll see who
screams first.”
Aidan shivered pleasurably at the feel of warm breath
against his skin, and he slid his arm around Westley’s waist.
“I’m going to take that as a challenge, Westley,” he replied as
he steered the other man toward the exit.
“Challenge accepted.” Westley’s grin was wicked.
“Game on.”
Oh, yes, this was going to be a much better night than
Aidan had expected, and he mirrored Westley’s grin as they
headed to the elevators. Fortunately, they got one all to
themselves, and as soon as the doors closed and they were
heading up to the top floor where the VIP suites were
located, he pushed Westley against the wall and aligned their
bodies as he pressed close.
“You want to play?” he asked, leaning in to whisper in
Westley’s ear, liking the fact that they were close enough in
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height that he didn’t have to crane up or lean down to do it.
“Then let’s play.”
With that, he nibbled his way along Westley’s jaw until
he could capture Westley’s mouth in a demanding kiss.
Westley parted his lips and pulled Aidan closer, as he
pushed one of his legs between Aidan’s and moved roughly,
brushing against Aidan’s erection with his thigh. It would be
so easy to get them both off right there in the elevator, and
Aidan was more than a little tempted to go for it, but he
didn’t particularly want to rush, either. They had all night,
and he wanted to enjoy his anonymous escapade while it
lasted.
As he deepened the kiss, he grasped Westley’s hips
firmly and set a slow rocking pace, one that would keep their
interest without pushing them too far, and he was surprised
and pleased at how quickly their bodies synced. Westley
moved with him, sliding his tongue along Aidan’s in time
with the slow roll of their hips, his hands squeezing Aidan’s
ass.
Aidan got so caught up in the easy rhythm that the
ding of the elevator startled him, and he pulled back
abruptly, relieved to find that they were on the right floor
and there wasn’t a sweet, elderly couple gaping at them. The
hall was empty, and he clasped Westley’s hand and led him
to the door, fishing for the key card in his coat pocket along
the way.
As soon as they were inside, he couldn’t help grabbing
Westley and kissing him again, savoring the taste of
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champagne lingering on Westley’s tongue. Maybe it wasn’t
the champagne but Westley’s own sweet taste that was
intoxicating him. Whatever it was, he wanted more.
There was no hesitation in Westley’s response, and
Aidan felt the slide of leather-clad fingers into his hair. Then
his hat was knocked away as Westley took control of the
kiss, pressing Aidan back against the door and sweeping his
tongue into Aidan’s mouth. Aidan allowed it briefly, ignoring
the swift pang he felt at the stray thought that there was
only one man he would consider giving up control to
completely because there was only one man he trusted
enough to keep him safe when he was at his most
vulnerable. He knew Mal wouldn’t use him or betray him,
but there was no one else he trusted enough to take any
chances, not even in bed.
For a moment, he sagged heavily against the door and
clung to Westley’s broad shoulders as Westley plundered his
mouth, indulging in a little fantasy of Mal kissing him like
this. But it wasn’t Mal, and he knew he needed to start as he
intended to go on, and so he grabbed Westley’s shoulders
and reversed their positions, taking back control of the kiss
as he claimed Westley’s mouth in return.
Westley didn’t resist, moaning softly as Aidan made it
clear how things were going to go. But Westley didn’t
surrender completely; Aidan felt Westley’s hands between
them, fumbling ineffectually for a moment with the buttons
of Aidan’s shirt with his gloved fingers. Then Westley solved
the problem by grasping the edges of the fabric and pulling
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hard, sending buttons flying. The shirt was ruined, but
Aidan didn’t care; having his lover desperate enough to tear
the clothes off his body was hot as hell, and he obligingly
arched against Westley’s roaming hands, moaning at the
roughness of the gloves against his bare skin.
Breaking away from the kiss, he paused just long
enough to shrug out of his heavy coat and let it fall to the
floor, and then he yanked the hem of Westley’s shirt out of
his pants and pushed it up, slipping his hands beneath the
folds of black fabric to find the warm, silken skin beneath.
“Oh yesss….” Westley’s breath hissed between his lips.
He raised his hands, stripping off the gloves, and splayed his
fingers on Aidan’s chest. “You feel good. So very good.”
“Mmm… so do you,” Aidan purred as he arched
against Westley’s hands, and he slid his arms around
Westley so he could run his nails lightly down the length of
Westley’s back. “You want to move this to the bedroom? I’ve
got everything we need in there. But if you’d rather stay
here—” He smirked as he insinuated his thigh between
Westley’s legs. “That’s doable too.”
“Bedroom,” Westley groaned, grinding against Aidan’s
leg. “While I can still walk.”
Aidan teased him with a few hip rolls before taking a
step back, feeling a little shaky in the legs himself. He
couldn’t remember getting this hot and bothered with
anyone in a long time, but he chalked it up to having gone
almost three months without hooking up, which would have
seemed like an eternity in the past. Now, however, it seemed
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his celibate streaks were getting longer, but he didn’t want to
examine the reasons closely.
“Good idea,” he said, grinning impudently as he held
out his hand. “Let’s get comfortable and naked.”
“Sounds good to me. But first, I see an open
champagne bottle in that cooler over there.” Westley pointed
to the bucket Aidan had left on the coffee table earlier. He
tugged Aidan in that direction and grabbed the bottle. “I
know what I want to do with this, and it won’t require any
glasses.”
“Ooo, sounds kinky!” Aidan followed him to the coffee
table willingly. “I like it already.”
Once in the bedroom, Westley put the bottle on a
bedside table and stripped off his shirt, revealing a tan,
toned chest with a light furring of golden hair. He looked at
Aidan and grinned. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”
“I totally agree,” Aidan replied, stripping off the
remains of his shredded shirt without a trace of self-
consciousness. He might be an engineering geek as Mal
claimed, but he worked out regularly to keep himself fit, and
he’d been told more than once that his thick, wavy dark hair
and big, brown eyes were an alluring combination. He sat
down on the side of the bed and removed his heavy boots
and socks as well, and then he leaned back on his hands,
putting himself on display as he gazed up at Westley. “So
what’s this wet and kinky idea of yours?”
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Westley’s gaze held admiration as he looked at Aidan’s
body. “Lie back and get comfortable,” he said. He stripped
slowly, teasing Aidan as he bared himself to Aidan’s sight.
Aidan let out a low, appreciative whistle, feeling no
shame about ogling the spectacular view he was getting.
Apparently, Westley kept himself fit as well; his body was
lean and toned without being overly muscular. He also had a
small tattoo near his hipbone, and Aidan wondered if the
image of a heart surrounded by flames had any special
significance. He was tempted to make a joke about playing
with fire since “Aidan” meant “little fire,” but he was the one
who had imposed the rule about not divulging any real
names, and he intended to stick to it.
Finally, Westley wore nothing but the headscarf and
mask, and a pleased smile tugged his lips as he watched
Aidan watching him. He picked up the champagne again and
pulled out the already loosened cork.
“Now it’s time for wet and kinky,” Westley said,
kneeling on the mattress between Aidan’s legs. “I think this
champagne will taste even better sipped from your gorgeous
skin.” He tilted the bottle, and Aidan felt a few cold drops hit
his collar bone before Westley leaned down and dragged his
tongue over Aidan’s skin, lapping them away.
This was going to be wet and messy, and Aidan didn’t
give a damn. The hotel could charge him extra for cleaning
fees if they wanted to, because this was going to be totally
worth it. His toes curled at the warring sensations of cold
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liquid and warm tongue, and he couldn’t hold back a moan
of pure pleasure.
“You’re brilliant,” he said huskily. “And sexy as hell.
Keep it up, and you may win the screaming challenge after
all.”
“That’s the plan.” Westley grinned evilly at Aidan as he
poured champagne directly onto one of Aidan’s nipples. “Oh
my. I’d better clean that up.” Westley didn’t hesitate to lick
the liquid away.
Aidan let out a strangled cry and clamped his hand on
the back of Westley’s head, encouraging rather than
controlling him. The slow-burning need that had kindled
downstairs was now threatening to erupt into a full-blown
conflagration, and Aidan was starting to suspect his
uninhibited lover was going to end up fanning the flames
into an out of control wildfire before they were done—not
that he was complaining!
Westley raised his head. “So tell me, my angel Gabriel,
do you like it rough too?”
Aidan laughed, amused by anyone referring to him as
remotely angelic, but his amusement was short-lived when
the implications of Westley’s words sank in, and his toes
curled again at the thought of all the possibilities. “Oh yeah,”
he said, his voice low and husky. “I can dish it out, and I can
take it too.”
“Mmmm… perfect.” A little more champagne splashed
on Aidan’s nipple, and then Aidan felt the sharp nip of
Westley’s teeth on his sensitive flesh.
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If Aidan thought there was the slightest possibility of
him being able to sustain a viable relationship, he would
have put Westley on the short list. As it was, he was giving
serious consideration to seeing if Westley might be interested
in a friends-with-benefits arrangement—or at least he was,
until the feel of teeth teasing and tormenting his sensitive
nipple drove all coherent thought out of his head. Moaning,
he arched his back in a silent plea for more.
Westley gave him more; in fact, he seemed determined
to drive Aidan into complete insanity. He moved lower, using
his mouth and tongue and teeth—as well as the
champagne—to trace a blazing trail over Aidan’s skin. He
stopped at Aidan’s belly button to lap up yet more
champagne, and then he lifted his head. “More?” Westley
asked, his voice ragged. “Do you want me to suck your
cock?”
Somehow, Aidan managed to pull a few working brain
cells together long enough to form words. “That depends on
whether you want me to fuck you or not,” he replied. “Sorry,
babe, but I don’t bottom for anyone. If you don’t either, I’m
sure we can put our heads together and come up with a
creative solution,” he added with a mischievous grin.
“It’s been a while, but I like being fucked.” Westley
answered Aidan’s grin with one of his own. “And I can take
rough. In fact, I like it.”
“Well, then you’d better not go anywhere near my cock
with that talented mouth of yours, or our good times are
going to be over too soon,” Aidan said, chuckling, and then
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21
he reached out and stroked his forefinger along Westley’s
cheek. “So what would you like most?”
Westley sat up, taking a deep drink from the
champagne bottle before offering it to Aidan. “Rough and
desperate,” he said huskily. “Pin me down and fuck me like
you have to do it or you’ll die.”
Aidan accepted the bottle and took a long drink,
hoping to cool some of the raging flames Westley had kindled
with his request. Somehow, Westley managed to push all his
buttons in the best possible ways, and it seemed like their
desires and needs synced almost perfectly.
“I can do that,” he said raggedly, putting the bottle on
the nightstand and rummaging in the top drawer for the lube
and condoms he’d stashed in there earlier on the off-chance
something just like this might happen.
Westley stretched out on the bed, back arched
enticingly, his cock hard and glistening. “Fuck me so hard I
can’t remember my own name.”
“You want it, you got it, babe,” Aidan replied, hurrying
to strip off his pants and boxers. He had no idea why he
wanted this so much, but he was beginning to think he
would die if he couldn’t have this gorgeous man as soon as
possible. He couldn’t remember anyone who had turned him
on so much so easily, but the chemistry between them was
off the charts.
He unscrewed the cap off the tube and moved to kneel
between Westley’s legs, reaching out to prepare him carefully
despite how difficult it was not to take him up on the pinning
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
22
and fucking right now. Westley wriggled, giving a frustrated
growl.
“Too slow,” he said, reaching back above himself to
grasp the headboard. “Please! Now!”
“Oh God….” There was no way Aidan could resist, not
when Westley was practically begging, and he wiped off his
hands quickly with a tissue before reaching for a condom
and tearing open the packet with shaky fingers. It was a
miracle he got it on correctly the first time, because his brain
had left the building, and his entire body was nothing but a
giant nerve ending vibrating with pure need, but finally—
finally!—he braced himself over Westley, positioned his cock
against Westley’s tight pucker, and thrust deep, the
exquisite pleasure of being surrounded by tight heat
wrenching a cry from his throat.
Westley gasped and arched beneath him, rocking his
hips as though trying to send Aidan deeper. “Yes! More! Give
me more, I can take it. I want it.”
With a low growl, Aidan grabbed Westley’s wrists and
pinned them on the pillow over his head as he began to
move, holding back none of his need as he pushed hard
against Westley as if he could send himself deeper. He’d
never wanted to claim someone before, but he did now, and
he swooped down and fastened his mouth on Westley’s
shoulder, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.
“Yes, God, yes!” Westley moaned, throwing his head
back as though to give Aidan better access. He caught
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
23
Aidan’s rhythm, moving with him almost instinctively, as
though they had been lovers for years.
Only when he was satisfied that Westley would have
something to remember him by for a few days did Aidan lift
his head, and he released Westley’s wrist so he could curl
his fingers around Westley’s cock, stroking it with casual
expertise to match the rhythm of their bodies. He watched
Westley’s flushed face avidly, wanting to see the pleasure
building for himself.
Westley held nothing back, giving himself over to
Aidan’s caresses with complete abandonment. He gave a low
moan, which swiftly escalated to a keening cry, and he
opened his eyes, locking his gaze with Aidan’s and crying out
incoherently as he came.
Filled with fierce satisfaction, Aidan stroked him a
moment longer, bent on wringing out every bit of pleasure for
him; only when Westley collapsed limply against the
mattress did he pin Westley again and give himself over to
his own pleasure, claiming Westley with hard, demanding
thrusts. He wanted Westley to see his mark in the mirror,
wanted Westley to feel the aftermath of their night together
the whole next day. For the first time, he wanted to stake his
claim on this gorgeous, pliant, welcoming body beneath him
for more than just a night or two, and the mere thought of
Westley being his was enough to send him over the edge with
a sharp yelp.
Panting, he eased out and rolled away long enough to
dispose of the condom, and then he collapsed heavily beside
Westley, flinging one arm across his waist.
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
24
“How was that?” he asked, although he suspected he
already knew the answer.
Westley rolled his head so that he could look at Aidan,
smiling warmly. “Fantastic,” he said lazily, stretching out as
bonelessly and unselfconsciously as a cat. “I don’t know who
won the challenge, but I really don’t care.”
Aidan laughed softly and trailed his fingers lazily up
and down the length of Westley’s torso. “I think we both won
that round.”
“A draw sounds good to me.” Westley caught Aidan’s
hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing a warm kiss
against his palm. “I must have forgotten how good it was, or
I wouldn’t have waited two years.”
Aidan boggled at him, scarcely able to wrap his mind
around the thought of going without sex for two years, but
aside from that, he was worried he’d been too rough for
someone who wasn’t used to such strenuous activity.
“Seriously? Are you okay? If I’d known, I would’ve prepared
you better.”
“I’m fine,” Westley assured him. “I told you I like it
rough, and I meant it. If I’m a little sore tomorrow, maybe it’ll
remind me not to wait so long the next time.”
“At least you won’t forget me any time soon,” Aidan
replied with a cheeky grin, relieved that he hadn’t pushed
Westley too far.
Westley chuckled. “No fear of that. I doubt I’ll ever
forget tonight. That was… wow. I don’t know if I have words.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
25
“Fabulous? Unforgettable? The pinnacle of your sex life
against which all others will pale in comparison?” Aidan
teased, propping himself up on one elbow as he continued
idly stroking Westley’s chest.
“Yeah,” Westley said, his smile fading. “That’s about
right.”
Aidan frowned slightly, wondering what had happened
to change Westley’s mood; he didn’t want to break his own
rules by asking questions that were too personal, but he
found himself in the unusual position of wanting to help.
“Well, we could go for a round two and see if it was
just a fluke,” he said lightly. “I’ve got all night if you do.”
Westley’s smile returned. “I don’t have anywhere I have
to be. If you want me, I’m yours.”
Even though he knew Westley didn’t mean them in the
permanent sense, the words inexplicably warmed Aidan
nonetheless, and he regarded Westley in thoughtful silence
for a moment, debating whether he wanted to take a risk and
change the rules of the game since it looked like they would
be spending the night together.
“With or without the masks?” he asked at last,
deciding to lob the ball into Westley’s court to avoid making
the decision himself.
“Either way. That was your stipulation, not mine,”
Westley replied. “The anonymous thing is kind of hot, but I
admit I’d like to see your face without the mask. I can tell
you’re gorgeous, but how gorgeous remains a mystery.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
26
That appealed to Aidan’s vanity, and he sat up and
reached for his mask. “Brace yourself for the full extent of
my gorgeousness!” he exclaimed as he pulled off the mask
and tossed it aside.
Suddenly Westley’s smile disappeared as if it had
never existed. He stared at Aidan, his eyes wide behind his
own mask. “Aidan?” he whispered. “Oh God.”
Aidan froze, stunned to hear his real name on his
anonymous lover’s lips, and his mind raced frantically as he
tried to scrape together some memory of the man’s voice and
body.
“Do I know you?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t about to
find himself in the middle of a dramatic scene with a
disgruntled ex-lover.
For a moment, it looked like Westley was about to bolt
from the bed in an attempt to escape, but then he shook his
head. He pulled off the headscarf and mask, leaving Aidan
looking into the familiar, if now deathly pale, face of his best
friend.
“Oh God.” Aidan felt the blood drain from his face as
well while he stared at Mal, scarcely able to believe what he
was seeing. “Mal… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean….” He cut himself
off and shook his head. He didn’t know what he meant; all
he knew was that he was terrified of losing his best friend
because of this.
Mal’s demeanor changed at once, and he reached out
toward Aidan in obvious concern. “Hey, you didn’t do
anything wrong. It was a shock, that’s all. I must have been
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
27
more buzzed than I thought not to recognize you, but no
harm done. I mean, we both enjoyed it, right?”
“Yeah.” Aidan raked his fingers through his hair and
drew back from Mal, trying to put a safe distance between
them. That he’d enjoyed it as much as he had was the
problem, and he had no idea what to do about it.
Mal licked his lips, looking more uncertain, but then
he straightened his shoulders. “Look, Aidan, it’s okay. I have
to admit I’ve wondered sometimes what it would be like, and
it was pretty damned hot, right? You’re still my best friend.
That doesn’t have to change, but maybe this means we could
be something more.”
Panic welled up at the mere thought, and Aidan shook
his head wildly. There was absolutely no way he could be
with Mal, no matter how good they were together, because he
was a failure at loving and being loved. He’d never gotten it
right once in his life, not even with his parents.
But he knew he’d never be able to look at Mal the
same way again. He’d never be able to forget the scent of
Mal’s skin or the feel of his body, and he’d have to forget
because this simply would not work. Sooner or later, he’d do
something wrong, or Mal would leave him like everyone else,
and that would be that. One way or another, he was going to
lose Mal because of this, and it was better if he made the
break now and got it over with.
“No way,” he said at last, his voice hoarse as he forced
the words out. “This was the biggest mistake of my life, and
I’m sure as hell not going to repeat it.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
28
“What?” Mal reared back as though Aidan had slapped
him, eyes wide with shock and hurt. “It wasn’t that bad,
Aidan! If you don’t want to have sex with me again, that’s
fine, but you don’t have to be so melodramatic about it!”
Scowling, Aidan climbed out of bed and started
gathering up his clothes; he’d feel a lot better if he wasn’t
having
this
conversation
naked.
“I’m
not
being
melodramatic,” he insisted. “I’m being realistic. This isn’t
going to work.”
Mal got out of bed as well, snatching up his pants and
pulling them on quickly. “Okay, fine. You don’t want to sleep
with me again, I get it.” He picked up his boots and
straightened, looking at Aidan with mute appeal. “Like I said,
you’re still my friend, Aidan. We’ll just go back to the way
things were before, all right?”
Aidan made a scoffing noise and shook his head. “You
know as well as I do that we can’t go back,” he said, hating
what he had to do, hating that he had to hurt Mal like this,
but at least this way, he was still in control. “It’s not going to
work, period.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to be friends
anymore?” Mal asked, his tone full of disbelief.
Aidan turned away, feeling numb inside, and he forced
the words past his frozen lips. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“What?” Mal stared at him in shock. “You’re going to
throw away twelve years of friendship because of this? You’re
going to throw me away because we had sex one time?”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
29
Aidan shrugged, feigning insouciance. “One time is
enough to change everything. There’s no going back.”
“So that’s it. You’re tossing me aside like one of your
hookups.” Mal’s voice was flat and toneless. “You don’t like
messy complications, and you always get rid of anything you
don’t like.”
“Something like that.” Aidan’s tone was flat as well,
and he didn’t even have to force it this time, not after
hearing what Mal really thought of him. “At least you can’t
say it’s a surprise.”
“Actually, it is.” Mal shrugged. “I accepted that you
only wanted my friendship, even though I’ve been in love
with you almost since the day we met. I never asked for more
than you were willing to give, so yeah, I’m surprised to be
treated like a casual fuck. I thought I meant enough for you
to at least try, but I guess not. Goodbye, Aidan. Have a nice
life.” With that, he headed toward the bedroom door.
Mal loved him? Aidan covered his face with his hands,
unable to believe it, and yet deep down, he knew Mal wasn’t
lying to him about this. Mal never lied to him, even when the
truth hurt, and it hurt like hell this time. He had a sudden,
wild urge to call Mal back and say he hadn’t meant any of it,
but that would be stupid, and he knew it, and so he let Mal
go.
He heard the door of the suite open and close, and in
the silence left behind, he realized that for the first time in
twelve years, he was utterly alone.
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
30
T
HE
first week of his Mal-less life wasn’t so bad. Aidan threw
himself into his work and tried to shut out everything else
until the pain dwindled to a more manageable level. It
worked for a while, but he couldn’t keep himself in a safe
bubble of oblivion forever; eventually, the world started to
trickle in, and that was when he realized exactly how much
he’d lost.
He’d never realized that he contacted Mal a dozen or
more times a day over trivial stuff until he couldn’t do it
anymore. He couldn’t take a photo of some weird thing he
saw on his way to lunch and text it; he couldn’t send an
email venting about something at work; he couldn’t call to
babble excitedly about some new breakthrough on whatever
he was working on.
And there would be no more rocks.
That was what hit him the hardest. Looking at his
collection and realizing it would end with the lunarite. The
only gifts he would receive now would be from acquaintances
who sent fruit baskets to everyone on their contact list.
That was when he stopped being able to fool himself
about how much he missed Mal and how much he regretted
giving up their friendship. Maybe, he thought, they could get
past the awkwardness and weirdness and be friends again.
Mal was an understanding, forgiving guy. Maybe they could
patch up the damage and move forward.
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
31
Even still, it took him until almost Thanksgiving to
call. Reaching out wasn’t his forte, not since he’d learned the
dangers of making himself vulnerable to others, but he
finally worked up the nerve to call, hitting the speed dial
button and hoping his phone didn’t fall out of his cold,
shaky hand. The phone rang a couple of times, and he
thought he might be able to weasel out by leaving a message,
but then he heard Mal’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Yes?”
“Um. Hi.” He paused and then added awkwardly, “It’s
me. Aidan.”
“I know. I have caller ID.”
“Oh. Right.” Aidan felt stupid for not thinking of that,
but maybe the fact that Mal had seen it was him and
answered anyway was a good sign. “I…” He took a deep
breath and released it slowly, deciding to get straight to the
point. “I was wondering if we could get together and talk.”
There was a long pause. “About what? You made it
perfectly clear that our friendship is over.”
“Yeah….” Aidan felt heat rising in his face as he
remembered their disastrous last conversation. “I just… I’ve
been thinking. Maybe that was a mistake. Ending everything
like that, I mean.”
“Maybe?” Mal’s tone held disbelief. “You think that
maybe tossing me out of your life was a mistake.”
“Bad word choice,” Aidan admitted. “There’s no maybe
about it. That’s why I wanted to see you.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
32
“I’m not sure I want to see you. But I will.”
Aidan winced, but at least Mal had said yes. Surely
that was a good sign? “When and where?” he asked. “I’ll
meet you wherever you’re comfortable.”
“Fifteen minutes, at the park across from my
apartment building,” Mal replied.
“I’ll be there,” Aidan promised. “See you in fifteen
minutes!”
As soon as he was off the phone, he dashed to the
nearest mirror, but he didn’t have enough time to do much
more than brush his hair. He grabbed an all-weather coat
and a scarf to protect him from the damp November chill,
and then he was out the door and headed to the park. For
once, he was punctual, and he was relieved to see Mal sitting
on a bench at the edge of the park’s small pond when he
arrived. The cold, damp wind ruffled Mal’s hair, but he sat
hunched down in his coat and stared at the water.
Aidan approached slowly and sat down on the bench,
keeping a bit of distance between them so it wouldn’t seem
like he was encroaching on Mal’s space too soon. “Hi,” he
said, offering a small, tentative smile.
Mal turned his head. His blue eyes were dull, and his
usual slight scruff had blossomed into a scraggly beard. He’d
lost weight, too, if the hollow appearance of his cheeks was
any indication.
“What did you want to say?” Mal asked. His expression
was wary, as though he thought Aidan might say or do
something hurtful again.
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
33
Now that the moment was here, Aidan was at a loss,
especially in the face of Mal’s haggard appearance, but he
braced himself and tried to figure out how to say what he
wanted to say.
“I’ve missed you,” he blurted out at last. “Everything’s
been so weird and—” He swallowed hard and forced himself
to admit the truth. “Lonely.”
“Weird and lonely,” Mal repeated, and then he looked
away. “You’re really suffering.”
Aidan felt a lead weight forming in the pit of his
stomach. This wasn’t going at all like he’d hoped, and he was
at a loss for how to turn things around. He was starting to
wonder if perhaps he’d screwed things up beyond repair, but
he wouldn’t give up hope yet.
“Believe it or not, I have been,” he replied. “I was
hoping maybe we could rewind a bit. I’d like us to be friends
again.”
“You said that was impossible.” Mal shrugged. “I
offered you the chance, and you threw it back in my face.”
His tone wasn’t accusatory, but almost robotic, as though
Mal had played the conversation over and over in his head.
“I was wrong,” Aidan admitted. “I mean, everything has
changed, but maybe we can move past it.”
“You mean, maybe you can move past it.” Mal looked
at him again. “Maybe you can accept me being there for you
again. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
Somehow, it didn’t sound so good when Mal put it like
that, and Aidan could practically see his chances
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
34
disappearing before his eyes. “Well… yeah… but you’re
making it sound like our friendship has been totally one-
sided,” he replied in a small voice.
“Hasn’t it been?” Mal grimaced. “I watched as you went
from lover to lover, always picking the wrong men, almost
like you wanted to fail. I knew you needed me more as a
friend than a lover because you needed someone you could
trust. Then you treated me exactly the same way that had
always hurt you most. I accepted you despite your faults. I
was there for you all along, but even that wasn’t enough.
Now you’re back, and it’s still all about you. You’re lonely,
and you want me back, but you can’t even apologize for
ripping my heart out and stomping on it. You can’t see past
your own feelings enough to care about mine.”
Aidan’s dark eyes grew wider as he listened to Mal,
and he found himself hunching up, much like he had as a
boy to escape his father’s disapproving gaze.
“Oh.” It was the lamest response he could have
possibly made, but he couldn’t think of anything to say in
his own defense. He rose to his feet, despair washing over
him at the realization that he had screwed things up beyond
repair. “I didn’t realize it was so bad.”
Mal rose as well. “I still love you, Aidan. But you were
right: we can’t go back. I can’t live every day wondering if
you’re going to toss me away again the minute things get
rough. I deserve better.”
Aidan nodded and tucked his hands in his coat
pockets, turning his gaze toward the ground. “You deserve a
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
35
lot better than me,” he said quietly, despair fading into
resignation. “I hope you find him.”
“Be happy, Aidan,” Mal replied, and then he turned
and walked toward his apartment building, not looking back.
Aidan stood where he was, unable to motivate himself
to move. He’d just lost the one person who meant most to
him in the world, and now he knew it would be a mistake to
inflict his baggage on anyone else. He was alone, and he
would remain that way, which was for the best.
But happy? No. Happiness had just walked away for
good.
A
IDAN
pressed the channel button on the remote he held,
searching for something that might capture his attention
long enough to take himself out of his own head for a while.
He’d been in bed for three days or maybe it was four by now;
he didn’t really remember.
After the disastrous meeting with Mal, he’d tried to
immerse himself in his work again, but he’d gone through
the motions like a zombie until his assistant had gently
suggested that maybe he should take some time off. He’d
gone straight home and hadn’t left the house since. He
hadn’t showered, shaved, or gotten dressed either.
He’d given his entire staff a long weekend off for
Thanksgiving so they could celebrate with their families. His
cook had offered to leave a traditional Thanksgiving dinner
for him, but he’d told her not to bother. He couldn’t
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
36
remember if he’d eaten yet that day, but the thought of
dragging himself down to the kitchen exhausted him, and
the thought of food made him feel nauseated, and so he
remained in bed and channel surfed.
He caught a glimpse of Jimmy Stewart and stopped,
but he almost kept going again when he realized he’d
stumbled across an early scene from It’s a Wonderful Life. He
wasn’t in the mood for maudlin sentimentality, but it was
Jimmy Stewart, who was one of his favorite actors of all
time.
He was able to watch more or less dispassionately
until the scene with George Bailey standing on the bridge,
ready to jump; the sight hit him like a punch in the gut
when he realized he understood George’s hopelessness and
despair. The difference was that George wasn’t a selfish
asshole who deserved everything bad that happened to him.
“Oh fuck you, Clarence,” he muttered when the angel
appeared. Things were about to start getting better for good
ol’ George, but Aidan didn’t have a guardian angel, and he
certainly didn’t have loving friends, neighbors, and
colleagues willing to help him out of his dark place. No, he
was all alone, and he had no one to blame for it but himself.
He felt a knot tightening in his chest as the movie
continued, and when George pulled Zuzu’s petals out of his
pocket, Aidan felt the hot, hard knot constrict until he could
scarcely breathe. He climbed out of bed, the movie forgotten,
and went to his display case. He lifted the clear glass lid and
carefully removed the piece of lunarite, cradling it in his
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
37
palm. These rocks and fossils had been his own version of
Zuzu’s petals: a reminder of love. He just hadn’t realized it in
time.
He closed his fingers around the moon rock as he sank
to his knees, a dry sob wrenched from his throat. He’d
carried so much baggage for so long, and now he was being
dragged down by the weight of it. Mal was right. It had
started with his parents, who had been too caught up in
their own lives to pay much attention to their little heir. He’d
been so desperate for love and approval that he’d sought it
from the wrong men, who had picked up where his parents
left off, convincing him that he was worth using, but not
worth loving. Worst of all, he’d become just like them.
He uncurled his fingers and gazed down at the
lunarite. His relationship with Mal was over, and he had to
accept that, but he didn’t have to spend the rest of his life in
a prison of fear and doubt. He’d need help, though, because
the wounds were too old and deep for him to heal alone.
He stood up slowly and returned the lunarite to the
case, and then he went to shower, shave, and put on clothes
that weren’t pajamas. Tomorrow, he would get some
recommendations for a good therapist, and then maybe he
could drop all the baggage he’d been carrying around all
these years and leave it behind for good.
W
ITH
Christmas just over a week away, Seattle seemed to be
thoroughly infused with the holiday spirit. Store windows
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
38
were filled with lavish displays, and garland was draped
everywhere, accented by lights and bows. It seemed like
every door had a festive wreath, and every sound system was
playing Christmas carols. Aidan admired the aesthetics of all
the holiday decorations, but he wasn’t feeling much of the
cheer. He hadn’t decorated the house this year, and he
hadn’t bothered wishing for the only gift he wanted Santa to
bring him. Christmas might be a time of miracles, but it
would be miraculous indeed for him to get Mal back even as
a friend.
He’d been in intense therapy for just over three weeks,
and it had helped even more than he’d thought it would.
He’d taken a painful but necessary journey to the kind of
self-awareness he’d lacked for most of his life, and he was
learning to use the tools he needed to break down the walls
he’d hidden behind for so long. It was difficult and at times
terrifying, but he was determined to succeed, no matter how
long it took. He had made good progress already, but he still
had a long way to go.
Mal had come up on a regular basis, of course. Aidan
had been reluctant to mention him at first because the pain
was too raw, but he’d taken to carrying around the lunarite
like a talisman, holding it tight when he needed a reminder
of the mistakes he wanted to avoid repeating. His therapist
had noticed and asked him about the bit of rock, and he’d
laughed and said, “It’s Zuzu’s petals.” She’d gotten the
reference, but he’d opened himself up to a line of questioning
that had led to him spilling the whole sordid story of the
masquerade ball. After that, he’d begun talking about Mal
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
39
more and more until his therapist had suggested that maybe
he needed some closure.
The thought of contacting Mal again unnerved him,
but she was right, and he knew it. He didn’t hold out any
hope that Mal would forgive him and consider being friends
again, but he needed to apologize, and he wanted to try to
heal the wounds he had inflicted on Mal’s generous heart.
The problem was, he had no idea how to go about it. If
he could convince Mal to talk to him—and he realized that
was a pretty damned big “if”—he wasn’t sure words alone
would be enough. He needed to do something that would
show Mal that he really did understand how badly he’d
fucked up and that his apology was sincere. Unsurprisingly,
it was his collection that provided inspiration, and after a
little bit of googling, he found what he wanted.
It took several days of hiking around in the cold at
Crater of Diamonds State Park to find what would be his last
gift to Mal. The brown diamond was too small to be cut, and
it was far from perfect, but it was exactly what Aidan
wanted. Once he was home, he dawdled for a while, focusing
on getting the diamond cleaned up, boxed, and wrapped
instead of calling Mal.
He managed to find reasons to put off calling, but
when he woke up on Christmas Eve, he knew he couldn’t
avoid it any longer. Now or never, he thought as he drew in a
deep breath and braced himself as he hit the speed dial
button, hoping Mal hadn’t changed his number.
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
40
“Merry Christmas, Saltzman residence!” a cheerful,
young male voice answered. “Can I help you?”
Aidan froze, a lead weight forming in the pit of his
stomach. Had Mal moved on that quickly? It stung to think
he’d been replaced so easily, but then again, he supposed it
wouldn’t have been difficult to find someone better.
“Is Mal available?” he asked.
“Sure. Hey, Mal! Telephone!”
The phone was passed over, and then Mal answered.
“Hello?”
Hearing Mal’s voice again after so long made Aidan’s
heart ache as a flood of memories washed over him.
“It’s me,” he said quietly, and then he hurried to get
his request out before Mal could hang up. “I don’t want
anything, I swear. Well, I do, but it’s not what you might
think. I owe you an apology. Several apologies, actually, and
they’re all long overdue. All I want is the chance to offer
them. No angle, no strings. Just me being genuinely sorry for
being a selfish dick.”
There was silence for a moment. “Okay,” Mal replied,
his tone slightly strained. “If there are apologies involved, I’ll
give you a chance to offer them. When and where?”
“Today, if you don’t have any other plans,” Aidan
replied, breathing a sigh of relief that Mal was willing to
listen to him. “Do you mind coming here? For obvious
reasons, this isn’t a conversation I’m eager to have with
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41
anyone else around. My staff is off through the twenty-sixth,
so I’m literally the only person in the house right now.”
“Sure, if that’s what you want.”
Aidan hesitated, remembering what Mal had said
about him wanting everything his way, and he hoped Mal
didn’t think he was exhibiting the same old behavior. “I
wouldn’t ask, but I can’t say this in public,” he said, a
pleading note in his voice as he silently willed Mal to
understand. “It’s too personal for anyone other than you to
hear.”
“All right,” Mal replied quietly. Apparently he wasn’t
going to make Aidan grovel. “When would you like me to be
there?”
“Whenever you’re ready,” Aidan said, closing his eyes
briefly in silent gratitude that he wouldn’t have to spill his
guts within earshot of Mal’s new boyfriend. “I’m going to be
here all day, so you pick the time. I don’t want to impose
more than I already am by asking you to come over on
Christmas Eve.”
He heard Mal draw in a breath. “Then give me half an
hour.”
“Okay,” Aidan replied, smiling with relief even though
Mal couldn’t see it. The biggest hurdle of getting Mal to listen
to him had been overcome, and while it would be difficult to
crack himself open and expose his soft, vulnerable underside
to Mal, he could and would do it. “Thanks, Mal. I really do
appreciate it.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
42
“Sure,” Mal said, and thankfully, there wasn’t any
sarcasm in his voice. “Bye.”
Aidan tossed his phone on the nightstand and glanced
down at the jeans, Cal Tech sweatshirt, and thick wool socks
he was wearing. If he’d been trying to win Mal back, he
might have changed clothes, but he decided to wear what he
had on.
He got Mal’s gift, and he got his lunarite necklace as
well. He’d had his special rock turned into a pendant with a
wrapped wire mounting that held the rock securely without
obscuring its unique look. He tucked the pendant under his
sweatshirt, not wanting Mal to think he was trying to suck
up. The rock had become a form of security blanket for him,
and he felt in dire need of it now to help keep him grounded.
Fortunately for Aidan’s nerves, Mal was as punctual as
always. He looked better than he had the last time Aidan had
seen him; he was clean shaven, and the hollows in his
cheeks weren’t as prominent.
“Hi.” Aidan offered a small, uncertain smile as he
stood aside to let Mal in, trying not to dwell on how good Mal
looked or that obviously the new boyfriend had helped him
move on. “Come on in. I’ve got a fire going in the living
room.”
“All right.” Mal gave him a searching look, and then he
headed across the foyer.
Once they were in the living room, Aidan moved to
stand by the fireplace, tucking his hands in his front pockets
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
43
as he regarded Mal with uncharacteristic awkwardness.
“Have a seat,” he said. “Can I get you anything?”
“Thanks, I’m fine.” Mal sat down on the edge of the
sofa, looking almost as uncomfortable as Aidan felt.
“Okay. Well.” Aidan hesitated, unsure how to begin
now that Mal was actually here in front of him. “I’ll just get
right to it.” He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly
as he chose his opening words carefully. “I’ve been seeing a
therapist several times a week for the last month or so, and
you’ve come up a lot. Unsurprisingly,” he added with a wry
smile. “Anyway, she suggested we needed closure, and I
think she was right. Not for me, but for you because I was a
dick, and I owe you an apology.”
Mal’s eyes widened in surprise. “Therapy?” he
repeated, and then he fell silent, gazing at his hands. When
he looked up again, there was a hint of the old warmth in his
eyes. “I’m surprised you went for help, but I’m glad. I know
you’ve been through a lot.” Then he nodded. “Yeah, you were
a dick to me. It hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt in my
life.”
“I know, and I really am sorry,” Aidan said earnestly,
knowing it was time for him to start putting it all on the line.
“You were right. I treated you just like I’d been treated by my
parents and those assholes I dated, and you were the last
person in the world who deserved it. All I did was take from
you, and it was unfair and one-sided, and I regret it more
than anything.”
“Thank you,” Mal said softly. “Apology accepted.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
44
“Thanks.” Aidan felt a weight lifted off his shoulders at
Mal’s words. “I know I’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of me,
but I’m trying. Thanks to Jimmy Stewart, I realized I couldn’t
keep living like that.”
Mal looked confused. “What does Jimmy Stewart have
to do with anything?”
“Oh… um.” Aidan shook his head, not wanting to
explain the whole story of his Thanksgiving meltdown. “It’s
not important.” He moved to the coffee table and picked up
the gift, offering it to Mal instead. “Here, this is for you.”
For a moment, he thought Mal was going to refuse it.
Mal searched his face intently before reaching out to accept
the small box. “Thank you,” Mal said huskily. “Do you want
me to open it now?”
Aidan nodded. “Go ahead. It won’t make much sense if
I don’t tell you the story behind it.”
Mal unwrapped the gift carefully and lifted the lid of
the plain white box. He stared down at the small, rough gem
in its nest of velvet, his eyes growing wide. “It’s a diamond,
isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.” Aidan took a tentative step closer, eager
to explain, but he was careful not to encroach on Mal’s
personal space. “There’s this state park in Arkansas where
you can look for diamonds. It took me a few days, but I
finally found that one,” he said, pointing to the little brown
diamond.
“See, I remembered what you told me about
diamonds,” he explained, hoping what he was about to say
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
45
would make sense outside of his own head. “They start off as
coal, but instead of breaking or crumbling under intense
pressure, they turn hard and tough, and they hide in the
ground until someone comes along to dig them up and clean
them and say, ‘I’m going to keep you because you’re worth
it.’ You were the one who did that for me. I just didn’t realize
it.”
He paused and smiled wryly. “I’m not trying to bribe
you into giving me a second chance. I just wanted to give you
something that would show you how much you’ve done for
me. I want to be like that diamond. Flawed, but shining. And
I’m on my way, thanks to you. I can’t make up for all the
hurt I’ve caused you, and no amount of thanks are enough,
so”—he shrugged slightly—“I found a diamond for you.”
Mal picked up the diamond and cradled it in his palm,
gently brushing his forefinger over the stone. “Thank you,”
he said raggedly. “This means more to me than you can
imagine. That you would go and find it for me yourself….” He
shook his head, and Aidan saw a suspicious glimmer in his
eyes, as though Mal might actually be about to cry. “Thank
you. It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me.”
“I’m glad you like it,” Aidan replied, relieved that Mal
seemed to understand what he’d meant by the gift, and then
he paused, regarding Mal wistfully. “I hope you’ll look at it
and think of me with something other than anger and hurt
and remember me as something other than a selfish dick.”
“I’d rather look at you,” Mal said. He closed his hand
around the diamond. “I do forgive you, Aidan, and now that
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46
you realize why you hurt me so badly, I’m not worried you’ll
do it again. But does closure mean you don’t want to see me
again?”
Aidan stared at Mal wide-eyed, and tried to make
sense of what he was hearing. But no, Mal had to mean he
wanted to be friends again, nothing more. It would be
difficult, but Aidan thought having Mal back in his life as a
friend would be better than not having Mal in his life at all.
“Not necessarily,” he said, shaking his head. “But you
were pretty clear about everything the last time we talked, so
I didn’t think you’d be interested in seeing me again just
because I said I was sorry. All I really wanted was to try to
heal some of the damage I caused. After all you’ve done for
me, I owed you that much.”
“Last time we talked, you were a different man. You’ve
obviously grown a lot in these last few weeks, and it makes a
difference,” Mal said. “The simple fact that you did say you
were sorry—and that you obviously mean it—makes me
think that you’ve learned.”
“I’m trying,” Aidan replied, chuckling wryly. “It’s been
really humbling, that’s for sure.”
“Being humbled isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you
take the lesson.” Mal stood and stepped closer to Aidan.
“And it’s not as though I’m perfect, either. Maybe if I’d been a
little harder on you and suggested that you get counseling,
we might not have had to go through all this. I guess I was
afraid if you changed, you wouldn’t need me anymore.”
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47
“Sure I would. I know I was a terrible friend, but under
all the selfishness and taking you for granted, I really did
care about you. It wasn’t all bad, was it?” Aidan asked
hesitantly, hoping his memories weren’t so rose-tinted that
he had a totally different recollection of their friendship than
Mal did.
“It wasn’t bad, period,” Mal replied. He looked
uncertainly at Aidan, still clutching the diamond in his
hand. “I just don’t know if you still want me as a friend. I
don’t know if knowing I’m in love with you would make it too
awkward. But I’ve learned to live with it over the years, and
it doesn’t have to get in the way.”
Aidan stared at him, confused by the seeming mixed
messages in what Mal was saying. “But I thought you had a
boyfriend.”
Mal shook his head. “Why would you think that?” he
asked. “I haven’t had a boyfriend since right after college.”
“Yeah, but when I called this morning, a guy answered
the phone,” Aidan said, his confusion growing by the second.
“I thought you’d found someone else and moved on.”
“That was Steve, my cousin Jim’s son,” Mal said. “He’s
staying with me for a couple of days while he checks out the
University of Washington.”
“Oh.” Aidan watched him cautiously, wondering if he
could afford to let a tiny kernel of hope bloom. “So you aren’t
seeing anyone.” He drew in a deep breath, deciding he might
as well take another chance, and he could feel his heart
pounding harder from sheer nerves. “I haven’t stopped
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
48
missing you, and I’d like to have you back in my life again in
whatever way you’ll have me. I guess the question is whether
you still think I’m worth loving.”
“I’m not seeing anyone.” Mal stepped closer. “And
you’re even more worth loving now than before. If you want
my love, you’ve always had it. All you ever had to do was
reach out and take it.”
Inexplicably, Aidan felt like this was a far more
dangerous and terrifying conversation to have than the one
that involved abject apologies and admissions of stupidity. At
least he’d been able to practice those! But none of his
imagined scenarios had ever taken this turn; he hadn’t even
dared hope it was possible.
“I’m not sure I deserve it,” he admitted quietly. “I hurt
you for years without even meaning to. Without even
realizing it! That’s been the worst part of all this. Finding out
what a terrible friend I was to the person I cared about most.
I don’t ever want to be like that again, and I’m going to try
not to be, but I don’t know how I can ever make up for the
past, and I don’t know how you can look at me without
wondering if I’m going to be a selfish asshole, and the thing
is, I probably will be sometimes, because there’s no magic
wand to make all this baggage go away. It’s a daily battle,
and I’m fighting it right now, because you have no idea how
terrifying it is to say all this stuff aloud, but I want to be
honest with you.”
He realized he was babbling, and he made himself
shut up. Instead, he reached out to take Mal’s hand and
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49
uncurl his fingers, revealing the diamond Mal still held. “This
diamond isn’t perfect, but it’s all yours. Just like me.”
“The wonderful thing about diamonds is that no
matter how imperfect they are, they’re still diamonds. You
can cut away the flaws to reveal the perfect beauty within.”
Mal reached out with his free hand and rested it against
Aidan’s cheek. “I’ve loved you, flaws and all, for so long that
it’s part of me, and I don’t want to stop. You haven’t been a
terrible friend to me, either; it was what happened at
Halloween and afterward that hurt me. I appreciate your
honesty, and I’m going to be honest too. If you’re willing to
give us a try, I want to be more than your friend. I want to be
your lover and prove to you that we’re better together than
either of us would be alone.”
“I want to be more than just friends,” Aidan replied,
leaning against Mal’s warm hand. The last time he’d said “I
love you” to anyone, his lover had ridiculed him for it, and
he’d sworn off love altogether because of that “relationship.”
But this was different, and one of the main reasons he’d
begun therapy was to tear down the walls, which meant it
was time to practice what he’d learned and smash this one
to pieces. “Because I love you too.”
The rising sun couldn’t have been more brilliant than
Mal’s eyes at that moment. “You don’t know how long I’ve
dreamed of hearing you say that,” he murmured. He slid his
fingers into Aidan’s hair and claimed his lips in a sweet kiss.
Aidan wrapped his arms around Mal’s shoulders and
closed the last bit of distance between their bodies. He
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50
needed to feel Mal’s solid warmth to reassure himself that
this was real, and he parted his lips, offering a silent
invitation. Mal didn’t hesitate to take it, deepening the kiss
tenderly. There was less fire in this kiss than there had been
on Halloween, but it held a wealth of emotion that
threatened to undo Aidan, simply because he’d never
experienced it before. Fiery passion was easy, and he’d been
on the receiving end of that plenty of times, but this
tenderness was new, and he had to cling tightly to Mal to
keep from falling apart.
After a while, Mal pulled back and leaned his forehead
against Aidan’s. “Let me put my diamond away, because I
want to give my real treasure my entire attention,” he
murmured. “In any way he desires.”
“Okay.” Aidan mustered a slightly shaky smile, feeling
as if all the work he had done—and would continue to do—in
therapy had been worth the effort, because it had brought
him to this moment. “Want to go to my bedroom? I think it’d
be more comfortable than the couch.”
“I’d like that,” Mal said. He pulled away long enough to
put the diamond back in its box and put the box into the
pocket of his jacket. “There, safe and sound.” He wrapped
his arms around Aidan’s waist, smiling wickedly. “You know,
in all these years, I’ve never seen your bedroom, and now I’m
wildly curious. Are there mirrors on the ceiling? Whips?
Chains?”
“No one has ever seen my bedroom except for my
housekeeper,” Aidan replied, sliding his arms around Mal’s
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
51
waist in return. “But if you’re expecting something out of a
sultan’s seraglio, you’re out of luck.”
“Really?” Mal raised one eyebrow, obviously surprised.
“Well, well, imagine that. So I’m being given a singular
honor.”
“It’s my private sanctum,” Aidan said simply, giving a
little shrug as he disengaged from the embrace and headed
for the main staircase, beckoning for Mal to follow. “There
hasn’t been anyone I wanted to let in that much.”
Mal was quick to answer the summons, and when he
caught up, he took Aidan’s hand. “I’m very flattered that
you’re letting me in,” he said softly. “It means a lot to me.”
Abruptly, it occurred to Aidan that taking Mal to his
bedroom meant Mal would see his collection, and he felt a
dull heat rise in his face. “Well, it just means you’ll get to see
just how much of a dork I really am,” he muttered. “There is
something I keep in there. Hopefully, you won’t think it’s
stupid.”
“That sounds intriguing,” Mal replied. “Well, let’s get
the embarrassing part over, then, so I can concentrate on
showing you that you don’t ever have to hide anything from
me.”
Aidan led the way to his master suite on the third
floor, and he opened the door and ushered Mal inside. “Go
ahead, have a look around. You’ll see the woeful lack of
fetish toys for yourself.”
The bedroom and its adjoining bathroom and small
living room were where Aidan retreated from the rest of the
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52
world, and they were the rooms that best reflected him. The
solid wood furniture was all mahogany, and the fabrics
tended to be darker greens, blues, and browns. He’d turned
the little living area into an extension of his office, but the
bedroom was where he relaxed. His bed was the biggest he
could find, and he had a huge TV hooked up to various
gaming consoles. The only art on the walls were framed
original movie posters. And of course, there was the display
case by the window. He debated pointing it out and getting it
over with, but in the end, he decided to stay quiet. With any
luck, Mal wouldn’t realize what was in there just yet.
But Mal homed in on the display case with the
instincts of a true rock hound. He stood in front of it and
stared into the case with an odd, unreadable expression.
“You kept them,” he said finally. “You kept all of
them.”
“Um. Yeah.” Aidan watched him hesitantly. “I got the
case made about seven years ago, and I’ve been adding the
new ones every year ever since.”
Mal turned to look at him. “I was never sure what you
did with them,” he said at last. “I mean, I wasn’t certain if
you were just humoring me and making a big deal about
getting your rock every year just to spare my feelings.”
Aidan moved slowly to stand beside him at the case,
gazing down at its contents as he tried to find a way to
explain without sounding utterly pathetic. But he’d said he
wanted to be honest with Mal, and besides, this was another
wall that needed to go down.
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53
“These are the only gifts I’ve ever gotten from anybody,
including my parents, that had any kind of thought behind
them,” he said at last. “My parents had no idea how to shop
for a kid, so they got their assistants to do it. The entire
house could go up in flames, and this case is the only thing
I’d try to save.” He glanced at Mal, smiling wryly. “And now
you know how secretly pathetic I am.”
“You’re not pathetic at all,” Mal said, his expression
soft. “I’m glad they mean something to you, because every
one of them was given with love. Especially the lunarite.” He
tilted his head to one side. “You do still have it, don’t you? I
nearly gave myself away with that one. I wanted to tell you
how I felt, and the moon is the least of what I’d offer you, if I
could.”
“Yeah, I still have it.” Aidan reached into his sweatshirt
and pulled out the pendant, holding it up so Mal could see
it. “Eventually, I’ll explain why I’ve been carrying it around,
but I’ve reached my limit of embarrassing confessions for
now.”
“Well, we don’t want you to go over your limit,” Mal
said, smiling tenderly at him. “Now then, you’ve made me
incredibly happy. What can I do to make you happy, love?”
Aidan wasn’t sure if it was possible for him to be any
happier than he already was about the unexpected turn the
day had taken, but the one thing he was sure of was that he
didn’t want to be selfish anymore. He framed Mal’s face
between his hands and stroked Mal’s cheeks gently.
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54
“I’ve taken so much from you for so long,” he said,
gazing at Mal earnestly. “I want to give for a change. I’ll do
whatever you want, fulfill any fantasy you’ve ever had. I’d
even bottom for you.”
Mal’s eyes widened. “You’d do that for me?” he asked,
his voice husky with emotion. He pulled Aidan close and
captured his mouth for another kiss, this one both fiery and
tender.
The fire kindled a spark within Aidan as well, and he
parted his lips eagerly. He could feel his urge to take control
rising up, but he held it in check; it was Mal’s turn. For the
first time, he felt completely safe in relinquishing his control
freak tendencies, and he followed Mal’s lead willingly.
“I don’t want this to be one-sided anymore,” he said
when they broke apart at last.
“In that case, let’s see how good that big bed of yours
is.” Mal pushed his hands under Aidan’s sweatshirt and
brushed his thumbs over Aidan’s nipples. “I want to show
you just how much I love you.”
A soft gasp escaped Aidan at the teasing touches, and
he swiftly pulled his sweatshirt over his head and tossed it
aside. “I bought the best,” he said, sliding his arms around
Mal so he could grope his ass playfully. “So it ought to be
sturdy enough to hold up no matter how… uh… vigorous we
might get.”
Mal wriggled back against Aidan’s hands and pushed
forward so that Aidan could feel his erection. “I plan to be
very, very vigorous,” he said. “If that’s all right with you.”
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55
Aidan nodded, tightening his arms around Mal.
“Whatever you want, it’s yours,” he said softly. “I’m all
yours.”
“All mine.” Mal repeated the words, his tone
possessive. He looked deep into Aidan’s eyes, as if to confirm
that Aidan really meant what he said. “What I want is you.
Right now. I’m going to make sure you have no doubts about
how I feel about you. So start getting naked before I rip the
rest of those clothes off you.”
Aidan’s breath caught, and his heart hammered with
anticipation at Mal’s words. He couldn’t remember the last
time he’d been with someone who’d spoken to him so
forcefully; ever since he’d put the idea of love behind him,
he’d gravitated toward more submissive partners who would
do what he wanted and didn’t argue when he left them
behind. But this time, he was willing to turn over control to
Mal, to give rather than take, and so he didn’t hesitate to
obey, stripping off his jeans, boxers, and socks swiftly.
“Like this?” he asked, holding out his arms to the
sides. Mal had seen him naked before, but neither of them
had realized who they were with at the time, and he hoped
Mal still liked what he saw.
Aidan was reassured at once; Mal’s blue eyes darkened
with desire, and there was a flush visible even beneath his
tan. “Just like that,” he said, his voice rough. Mal touched
his fingertips to Aidan’s chest and walked around him,
trailing his fingers over Aidan’s skin as he took his time
admiring the view. He stopped in front of Aidan and cupped
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56
his cheek again. “You’re gorgeous. I’ve relived that one night
again and again, and you’ve spoiled me for anyone else.”
Aidan leaned into the touch, relieved that Mal
approved. “I don’t want anyone else either,” he admitted.
“I’ve been working on breaking down the walls because I
wanted to learn how to trust people and make friends, but I
wasn’t thinking about love. I knew it wouldn’t be fair
because I’d be comparing other men to you and finding them
lacking.”
“I have a lot to live up to, don’t I?” Mal asked, but his
smile seemed to hold a tiny bit of smugness. He smacked
Aidan lightly on the ass. “So get in that nice big bed. I’m
going to fuck you until you can’t remember your own name.”
Aidan paused just long enough to grab some necessary
supplies from the top drawer of his nightstand, and then he
scrambled onto the bed and settled right in the middle,
leaning back against his nest of pillows. “I’m waiting,” he
said breathlessly, holding out his arms.
Mal shed his clothing with swift efficiency and
sauntered toward the bed, hips rolling in a predatory gait.
His eyes were locked on Aidan, and he licked his lips as he
climbed onto the bed and knelt between Aidan’s legs,
lowering himself so that he pressed Aidan down into the
mattress.
“Mmmm… feels so good,” he said, sliding against
Aidan and creating a delicious, teasing friction.
As Mal moved toward him, Aidan caught sight of the
tattoo he’d noticed on their first night together, and he was
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57
more curious about it now than he had been then. “It does
feel good,” he said, reaching between their bodies to stroke
the image on Mal’s skin gently. “But I have to ask about this.
I never guessed you’d have a tattoo, and if you did, I’d
assume it would be of a rock,” he teased.
Mal propped himself up so Aidan could see the tattoo
more clearly. “Rocks are my job,” he said, resting his hand
atop Aidan’s and squeezing it. “But my heart has always
yearned to be possessed by a little fire. I wanted a symbol of
that, even if it had to be somewhere secret.”
Aidan glanced at him hesitantly. “Is it just a
coincidence that my name means ‘little fire’?” he asked, not
wanting to make any arrogant assumptions.
Laughing, Mal leaned down to kiss him soundly. “Of
course it’s not a coincidence,” he replied, and then he grew
more serious. “I told you that I’ve loved you almost since the
moment we met, and I meant it. Even when I thought I’d
never be more than just your friend, my love for you never
wavered. I’ve had a couple of lovers over the years, but no
one ever came close to making me feel the way you do just
by smiling at me.”
Aidan had thought he’d been as humbled as he
possibly could be during his toughest therapy sessions, but
nothing had humbled him as much as Mal’s words. “I want
to be worthy of that,” he whispered, reaching up to touch
Mal’s cheek gently. “I’m going to try to be. You deserve it.”
Mal’s expression was tender, and his eyes were bright
with joy. “You’re worthy, and as long as you love me,
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58
everything is going to be all right,” he said softly. “Sounds
like we have a few years of catching up to do, doesn’t it? But
we have the rest of our lives to do it.”
Aidan nodded, sifting his fingers gently through Mal’s
hair. “Yeah, we do, and I’m looking forward to it.”
“Me too.” Mal rocked his hips forward, his eyes glinting
with heat. “Were you trying to distract me so I’d forget what
you said I could do?” he asked. “I rather like the thought of
being the first to take you. It appeals to the caveman in me.”
“No, the offer still stands,” Aidan replied, bending his
knees and lifting his hips slightly. He felt a flutter of
apprehension in his belly at the thought of what they were
about to do, but he wasn’t about to change his mind.
Something of his anxiety must have shown through,
because Mal nuzzled his cheek. “I’ll make it good, I promise,”
he murmured. “Just relax, love. If I do anything you don’t
like, tell me to stop. I want you to enjoy this too.”
“I know,” Aidan replied, and he meant it. “I trust you.
If I didn’t, this offer wouldn’t have even been on the table.”
Mal nodded as he picked up the bottle of lube.
Smiling, he opened it and coated the fingers of both hands
with a generous amount. He grasped Aidan’s cock with one
hand, stroking him, and then Aidan felt a very gentle
pressure as Mal lightly fingered his opening.
Aidan gasped, feeling the prickly heat of a flush
washing over his fair skin as Mal stroked him, and he tried
to resist the urge to thrust against Mal’s hand in a bid for
more friction.
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59
“Easy there, love, there’s lots more to come,” Mal said,
a hint of amusement in his deep voice. He circled his finger
around Aidan’s tight pucker, and as he stroked Aidan’s cock,
he slowly eased his finger inside. He watched Aidan intently,
as though he was prepared to pull back at once if Aidan
protested or looked uncomfortable.
“I know, but I’ve had a really long dry spell,” Aidan
said, smiling sheepishly. “And I’ve thought about Halloween
a lot.” He wrapped his arms around Mal’s shoulders and
gave him a little squeeze. “So far, so good. Keep going.”
“Mmmm… I’ve thought about it, too,” Mal admitted. He
continued with his slow preparation of Aidan’s body, as he
circled his thumb teasingly around the tip of Aidan’s cock.
“That was pretty hot, wasn’t it? I’ve never had more fun with
a bottle of champagne.”
“Me either, and I had no idea you were that… uh…
creative in bed.” Aidan let his knees fall open wider,
beginning to relax beneath Mal’s hands.
“To be honest, I had no idea I was, either.” Mal
chuckled. “I went to that party thinking maybe I’d hook up
with someone to take my mind off of you. You have no idea
how much I wanted to put a bow on my head and offer
myself to you naked for your birthday this year. I was really
surprised to feel so attracted to someone else, and I just
went with it.”
“Yeah, me too,” Aidan admitted. “I’d come prepared in
case I did meet someone interesting, but I was mostly there
because I didn’t have anything else to do for Halloween.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
60
“Fate works in mysterious ways,” Mal replied. He
stroked Aidan, a teasing smile on his lips. “Despite a few
missteps along the way, I’m glad. Otherwise we’d never be at
this point, and I wouldn’t be looking forward to giving you
naked birthday gifts for the rest of our lives.”
“But don’t forget my rocks!” Aidan gazed up at him
with wide-eyed somberness. “I mean, naked birthday gifts
are great, too, but the rocks are special.”
“I won’t forget the rocks!” Mal laughed, leaning down
to kiss Aidan soundly. “The rocks are special to me too.” He
paused. “Are you uncomfortable at all? I have two fingers in.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had your prostate played with, but
I didn’t want to startle you.”
“I’m fine,” Aidan assured him, giving him another little
squeeze. “I’m not afraid or worried. Not with you.”
“Good,” Mal said as he curled his fingers upward.
“How do you like that?”
The jolt of pleasure was so intense that Aidan couldn’t
help gasping loudly, his eyes flying open wide. “I like it!” he
exclaimed breathlessly.
“I thought you might.” There was no mistaking the
smugness in Mal’s expression, and he brushed his fingers
over the same spot again. “If you like it that much, we’ll have
to experiment in the future. I have all kinds of wicked ideas
for playing with you.”
Aidan groaned an acknowledgement, uncertain about
his ability to make sense verbally while Mal was stroking
that sweet spot. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised that Mal was
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
61
already making plans, and he was determined to put aside
his need to remain in control so he could compromise and be
the kind of giving lover Mal deserved instead of having
everything his way.
Between stroking his cock and playing with his
prostate, Mal kept Aidan aroused and distracted enough that
he barely noticed that Mal had continued to stretch him,
until Mal stopped and leaned down to kiss him.
“I think that’ll do, if you’re ready,” Mal murmured
against his lips.
Drawing in a deep breath, Aidan nodded and clamped
his hands on Mal’s shoulders. “I’m ready.”
Mal nodded and reached for a tissue. After a quick
clean up, he picked up the condom from the mattress, and
he quickly opened it and rolled it on.
“You say stop, and I stop,” he said, looking into
Aidan’s eyes. Then he guided himself into position and
slowly eased into Aidan’s body.
Aidan’s breath caught at the feel of his body stretching
to accommodate Mal’s thick cock; he lifted his hips and
pushed out, helping to ease Mal’s passage, and he felt the
bump of Mal’s hips against his ass, a signal that Mal was
buried deep.
“You’re in,” he whispered, because he suddenly
realized Mal had been on his side of all the walls for years
without him knowing it. He loved Mal and trusted him
enough not to hide anything or play a role; he could be
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
62
himself with the security of knowing he’d be accepted as he
was, warts and all, and of knowing Mal would never
deliberately hurt him or use him or push him aside like so
many others had done.
He was safe. He could feel Mal inside him, could feel
the physical connection that was almost like a symbol of the
emotional, because Mal was buried deeply and inextricably
in his heart as well.
“You’re all the way in,” he said, clinging tightly to Mal,
and he squeezed his eyes shut against the prickle of tears at
the realization that he’d found the haven he’d been looking
for at last.
“Are you all right?” There was concern in Mal’s voice,
and he held perfectly still, so still that Aidan could feel the
tremble of his muscles. “Aidan, love, do you want me to
stop?”
“No, no, I’m okay. Don’t stop!” Aidan shook his head
and sniffled, trying to figure out how to explain without
killing the mood. “I just…” He breathed in deeply and opened
his eyes, meeting Mal’s gaze steadily. “I realized I felt totally
safe for the first time ever.”
“You’ll always be safe with me,” Mal said, and Aidan
could see tenderness and understanding in his eyes. “I
promise.”
“I know.” Aidan smoothed his palms up and down the
length of Mal’s back, offering reassurance. “That’s why I had
my little greeting card moment there. Now would you please
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
63
get on with fucking me?” he exclaimed with mock
exasperation, wanting to lighten the mood a little.
“Yes, sir!” Mal replied. “I’d like nothing better than to
get on with it.” He pulled out almost all the way and thrust
quick and hard. “Like that?”
Aidan’s toes curled, and he sucked in a sharp gasp.
“Yeah, like that! Just like that,” he said, wrapping his legs
around Mal’s hips.
Mal nodded and set a smooth, quick rhythm. Then he
reached between their bodies and curled his fingers around
Aidan’s cock, stroking him in counterpoint. Aidan moved
with him, matching the rhythm and letting it propel him to
greater heights of pleasure; he could feel his body growing
taut with need, and he clung to Mal, his solid anchor in the
growing maelstrom of passion.
“Yes!” Mal’s blue eyes were ablaze as he watched
Aidan, his face flushed with his own mounting need. “That’s
it, Aidan. Let yourself go. I want to see you come for me.”
It had been so long, and the pleasure of being with Mal
again was so great that Aidan didn’t think he could have
held out even if he’d wanted to. His entire body ached with
its need for a release that only Mal could provide, and Aidan
let go willingly, crying out as he shattered beneath Mal.
Mal moaned in satisfaction, and he continued to
stroke Aidan, apparently determined to wring every bit of
pleasure from his body. “So beautiful, love. So perfect.”
Shuddering, Aidan rode out the last waves before
collapsing limply on the mattress; mustering what little
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
64
energy remained in his sated body, he slid his hands down
Mal’s back and clamped them on Mal’s ass, rocking his hips
up to offer the best possible angle.
“Your turn,” he murmured, gazing up at Mal with half-
lidded eyes.
“Mmmhmmm.” Mal give him a small smirk and
grasped his hips. “Hang on, love.”
He began to claim Aidan with deep, hard thrusts,
seeming to lose himself in the pleasure of Aidan’s body, and
Aidan rocked his hips, wanting to drive Mal crazy with need.
He watched with satisfaction as Mal threw his head back
and cried out Aidan’s name roughly as he buried himself a
final time and found his own release. Aidan reached up to
capture Mal’s face between his hands, drawing him down
into a lingering kiss. Mal kissed him back breathlessly before
rolling away to dispose of the condom. He returned to Aidan,
using a few tissues to clean him up, and then he collapsed
with a sigh of contentment.
“Are you all right?” Mal asked, tilting his head so that
he could see Aidan’s face. “I didn’t hurt you?”
“No, I’m fine.” Aidan wrapped his arms around Mal
and nestled close, feeling far more relaxed than he had in
weeks. “Well, I’ll probably be sore, but that’s okay. I don’t
mind that at all.”
“I’m glad.” Mal smoothed his hand over Aidan’s chest
slowly, as though he couldn’t get enough of touching him. “It
felt so wonderful for me. I wanted it to be just as good for
you.”
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
65
“It was good,” Aidan replied, although he felt like that
was something of an understatement. “It was different. A lot
better than it’s ever been before. Not because I’ve discovered
a deep-seated need to be a bottom,” he added quickly.
“Just… the connection.”
Mal chuckled. “I understand,” he said, nuzzling
Aidan’s cheek affectionately. “I felt it too. It makes a
difference when you’re in love.”
“Yeah, I guess it does.” Aidan smiled and returned the
nuzzling—something he hadn’t indulged in for longer than
he could remember. “I like it better this way.”
“So do I,” Mal replied with a contented sigh. “I’m
looking forward to doing it again. And again. And again.”
“It’s the gift that keeps on giving.” Aidan grinned, and
then he leaned close and kissed Mal, lingering affectionately.
“Merry Christmas, Mal.”
“Merry Christmas,” Mal said, giving Aidan a squeeze.
“You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get your rock, I’m
afraid. But Santa thinks you’ve been a very good boy this
year.”
Aidan propped himself up, surprised by that news;
given they hadn’t been on speaking terms since Halloween,
he hadn’t expected Mal would have a Christmas present for
him this year. “You have a rock for me? Really?”
Laughing, Mal rolled, pulling Aidan down on top of
him. “Of course I have a rock for you. Don’t I always? This
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
66
one is special. I’ve had it for a long time, and I promised
myself I would give it to you if a miracle occurred and we got
together.”
Aidan’s smile was wide and bright, reflecting the
happiness he felt over their special tradition continuing. “I’m
glad,” he said, settling comfortably on top of Mal. “Do I get a
hint, at least?” He gave Mal a wide-eyed look of appeal. “I
gave you a diamond today and let you top.”
“Well….” Mal considered the request, but Aidan could
tell it was only pretense, because Mal was smiling as well.
“It’s a very special stone from India called a Black Shiva
Lingam. It’s sort of a phallic symbol, but what I found most
intriguing was the belief that it’s supposed to make people
feel unity, even when they are apart.” He flushed slightly. “To
be honest, I’ve been looking at that one a lot lately,
wondering if there was any way it could bring us back
together.”
“Maybe it did,” Aidan said softly. He was intrigued by
the stone already, and he couldn’t wait to see what it looked
like. He already knew he would keep it with him when Mal
was away; even without mystical properties, it would help
him feel close to Mal while they were apart. However, it
wouldn’t ever take the place of his special talisman, the
lunarite. He glanced at the pendant on the nightstand and
decided perhaps it was time to confess after all.
“Even if it didn’t, I won’t make fun of you for thinking
about it,” he said. “The reason I had the lunarite you gave
me made into a pendant is because it’s been…well, I’ve been
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
67
calling it my Zuzu’s petals,” he admitted. “I’ve kept it with me
to help get me through the tough times lately and remind me
of the changes I wanted to make.”
“So that was the Jimmy Stewart reference when I
arrived,” Mal said, raising a brow inquiringly. “A talisman.”
Aidan sighed and shrugged to himself, deciding he
might as well divulge the whole story; Mal would hear about
it sooner or later anyway. “Partly, yes,” he said, nodding.
“But it began when I watched It’s a Wonderful Life on
Thanksgiving Day. I identified a little too much with George
at first, and I felt sorry for myself because I didn’t have the
kind of support system he did. Then I realized I was going to
end up like Mr. Potter, alone and unloved, if I didn’t drop
some baggage I’d been carrying around all these years.
That’s when I decided I needed to find a good therapist.”
Mal wrapped his arms around Aidan and held him
tightly. “I knew you had issues, of course, but I also knew
you had to be the one to figure out if you needed help with
them. I just wanted you to be happy.”
“Well, I am happy now.” Aidan smiled and kissed the
tip of Mal’s nose. “I was feeling pretty good about the
progress I was making before today, and now things are even
better than I thought they would be!”
“Good.” Mal chuckled. “This is definitely the best
Christmas ever for me too. I couldn’t ask for more.” He
paused to trail his hand down Aidan’s chest, a wicked gleam
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
68
in his eyes. “Well, maybe I could. I wouldn’t mind you
stuffing my stocking when you’re up for it.”
“I could probably jingle your bells while I’m at it,”
Aidan replied with a playful leer. “Shower first and then
stocking stuffing? Or maybe stuffing in the shower? We have
the whole house to ourselves, so we can jingle and stuff
wherever we want.” He paused, thinking about the lack of
holiday cheer. “If you want, we could get one of the small
trees and some ornaments out of the attic. I didn’t really feel
like decorating this year, but I think my Christmas cheer is
coming back. Unless you need to get back home to be with
Steve,” he added, belatedly remembering that Mal had
company.
“Steve is on his way home to his own family for the
holiday by now,” Mal said. “And I think decorating would be
fantastic. I didn’t put up anything, either. But let’s start with
that shower and see where it goes from there, all right? We
might generate enough holiday cheer between the two of us
that we won’t even miss the tree.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Aidan rolled away and
climbed out of bed, giving Mal an inviting smile. “You scrub
my back, and I’ll scrub yours until you shout ‘ho ho ho’!”
Mal stood, his answering smile one of pure joy as he
headed to the bathroom. “With you, naughty is nice.”
Aidan paused and touched the lunarite pendant
lightly, thinking about how much help that little bit of rock
from the heavens had given him. Maybe he hadn’t been as
On the Rocks • Ari McKay
69
alone as he’d thought, and maybe miracles were for people
who’d made mistakes like him too.
“If you’re listening… thanks, Clarence,” he murmured,
and then he hurried to join Mal in the shower, ready to enjoy
the best present of his life all over again.
Come home for holiday romance.
Get the whole package of stories at
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
About the Author
A
RI
M
C
K
AY
is the professional pseudonym for Arionrhod
and McKay, who collaborate on original m/m fiction. They
began writing together in 2004 and finished their first
original full-length novel in 2011. Recently, they've begun
collaborating on designing and creating costumes to wear
and compete in at sci fi conventions, and they share a love of
yarn and cake.
Arionrhod is an avid costumer, knitter, and all-around craft
fiend, as well as a professional systems engineer. Mother of
two human children and two dachshunds who think they
are human, she is a voracious reader with wildly eclectic
tastes, devouring romance novels, military science fiction,
horror stories and Shakespeare with equal glee. She is
currently preparing for the zombie apocalypse
McKay is an English teacher who has been writing for one
reason or another most of her life. She also enjoys knitting,
reading, cooking, and playing video games. She has been
known to knit in public. Given she has the survival skills of
a gnat, she's relying on Arionrhod to help her survive the
zombie apocalypse.
Visit their blog at http://arimckay.wordpress.com/.
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and Advent Calendar packages
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Copyright
On the Rocks ©Copyright Ari McKay, 2012
Published by
Dreamspinner Press
5032 Capital Circle SW
Ste 2, PMB# 279
Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the
authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover Art by Catt Ford
This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is
illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon
conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No
part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the Publisher. To
request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 5032 Capital Circle SW,
Ste 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA.
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/
Released in the United States of America
December 2012
eBook Edition
eBook ISBN: 978-1-62380-206-6