Game-changing Life Strategies

Praise for Game-Changing

Life Strategies

“Tony, Dan and Sam could rename this book “Game-Winning Life
Strategies!” Put this book at the top of your reading list and prepare to win!”

- Harvey Mackay, author of the New York Times #1 bestseller,

Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive

“This book is loaded with powerful, practical, proven strategies and ideas
for success that you can apply to every area of your life. If you want to earn
more money, get promoted faster, and achieve all your goals, get and read
this book as fast as you can!”

- Brian Tracy, author of numerous books including, No Excuses!:

The Power of Self-Discipline and also Reinvention:

How to Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life

“Game-Changing Life Strategies provides an in-depth look at the traits and
habits of highly successful people – traits and habits that anyone can adopt.
A must read for people who want to make powerful, positive changes in
their life.”

- Alex Mandossian, CEO of Heritage House Publishing and

Founder of the Electronic Marketing Institute

“Anyone who follows the blueprint for success that is detailed in this book
should reach heights they never thought possible.”

- John Assaraf, featured expert in the hit film and book,

The Secret, and author of The Answer

“If you are serious about achieving your goals, Game-Changing Life
Strategies is the book you need to read—period. It is a practical, powerful,
and timeless manual which outlines the traits and habits ingrained in highly
successful people, and leaves you with no question as to the clear path to
success.”

- Ivan Misner, NY Times Bestselling author and

Founder of BNI and Referral Institute

“One of the most practical “self-help” books I have ever had the pleasure
of reading! Tony, Sam and Dan have removed the mystery of why some
people achieve all their dreams and others always come up short.”

- Jack Canfield, Co-author of The Success Principles and

the Chicken Soup for the Soul series

Game-Changing Life Strategies

by, Samuel M. Johnson, J. Daniel Moody and Dr. Tony Alessandra

manner without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations

embodied in critical reviews or articles about the book or authors.

Published by ALC Performance Enhancement LLC

First edition, first printing

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN# 978-0-9819371-8-2

Behavior Modification

Self Management-Psychology

Peace of Mind

Stress Management

Self Defeating Behavior

Interpersonal Relations

Sales

Performance Enhancement

To order this book please visit any of the following websites:

www.gamechangingstrategists.com

www.alc-performanceenhancement.com

www.tonyalessandra.com

www.facebook.com/samjohnsonalc

Dedication

I dedicate this book to: the memory of Colleen Lamrock (1975-1992)

whom I miss dearly, my parents, Dale and Gail Johnson, for their

unconditional love and support, my sister Jill and her husband Kenny

for teaching me to love every minute of life. To Joan Lohrmann for

keeping me in touch with God, my friends, and finally to Molly Sexton

for making me laugh and bringing joy to my life and supporting my

writing. My meaningful rewarding relationships with all of you is what

provides me purpose in life.

Samuel Johnson

I dedicate this book to the memory of my parents, James (Buddy)

and Kaky Moody, who supported me with love, encouraged me to

be the best I could be and challenged me to do things that I thought

were above and beyond my reach. I miss you both every day.

J. Daniel Moody

I dedicate this book to my mother, Margaret J. Alessandra, who from

my childhood was my moral compass and cheerleader and who

made me the man that I am today. Thanks Mom!

Dr. Tony Alessandra

Acknowledgements

We are grateful for all the Psychologists, sociologists, visionaries,

philosophers, coaches, consultants, trainers, speakers and authors

who directly and indirectly influenced our work, documented their

findings and who built their foundation of evidence upon which

we could build. Many are referenced at the end of the book and

just a sampling of these include: Michael J. O’Connor, Katherine

Briggs, Jim Cathcart, Roger Dawson, John Geier, Paul Green,

Phil Hunsaker, Carl Jung, Florence Littauer, Russ Watson, William

Moulton Marston, David McClelland, David Merrill, Roger Reid, Larry

Wilson, Bill Schwartz, Isabel Briggs Myers, Don Lowry, Janice Van

Dyke, Dr. Peter Minkoff, Dr. Jeff Newman and Don Hutson.

We wish to give special thanks for the friends, family and colleagues

for reading the manuscript with a critical eye and an open mind and

for encouraging and supporting us every step of the way. Very special

thanks goes to Dale Johnson for spending his Thanksgiving Weekend

editing and providing suggestions for change and improvement,

thank you Pop.

Dr. Tony’s section on the willingness to be Flexible and the aptitude

to be Versatile is drawn from the pioneering work of Dr. Michael

O’Connor, his co-author of The Platinum Rule.

We would also like to recognize Tom Costello, Gail Johnson, Eric

Moaratty, Molly Sexton, Jonas Roth, Dr. Christina Versari, Dr. William

Stillwell, Michelle Zelnick MFT, Dale Stein for years of mentoring, Tina

Marie Haley MA NBCC, Dr. Rand Lundmark, Dr. Joel Flick, Dorothy

Taylor, Layne Bryant, Dennis Hobbs, Dr. Robert E. Lee, Richard

Johnson, David Villa, Shawn Bengston, Matt Gibbens, BJ Taylor,

Robert Gaither, Michael Chase, Carlos Smith, Dr. Michael Skopec,

Mrs. Sue Gaskell, Top Gun Pilot- Michael Gaskell, Neil Pieramico,

Joe Yffert, James Eidson, Mike White, Jason Ponchetti, Dave and

Warren Heuman, Larry Stern, Brian Chupp, Alex Rasmussen, Bipin

Thapa, Ric Trapani, Andrew and Anna Courser, A. Michael Cutri,

John Baker, Bill Taylor, Brian Suerth, Bill Hall, Scott Hobbs, Dan

Skopec, Chris Gaskell, special accolades to Chris Skopec, and our

Book Designer Goran Petko.

Foreword

By Dr. Tony Alessandra

esearch shows us that when people are given too much knowledge in too
short a time period, panic sets in. Faced with new information, everyone

needs to practice new skills to see which areas fall into place and which don’t.

Game-Changing Life Strategies presents readers with a lot of new information
that needs to be processed and acted upon, but don’t panic, it is presented
in phases made up of short chapters, many with workbook exercises and
finishes up with interactive exercises from the personal webpage that you will
set up. This personal webpage becomes your “virtual coach” that will help you
through each learning phase.

Research also shows us that new knowledge is much easier to absorb when
a clear picture of a goal is presented.  Dr. John Lee, a leading management
expert, demonstrates this in his workshops by giving groups of participants
a 70-piece puzzle to assemble.  One group views a picture of the completed
puzzle; the other groups put theirs together without knowing what the finished
product will look like.  Consistently, the group with the picture finishes first.
Why?  They already know their goal.  They have the advantage of possessing
a blueprint for success which they tackle one bite-sized piece at a time. Think
of Game-Changing Life Strategies as your blueprint to a better life.

Can you remember when you first learned how to drive a car? Before you
learned how, you were in the “Ignorance Phase.” That is, you did not know how
to drive the car and you didn’t even know why you didn’t know how to drive it.

When you first went out with an instructor to learn how to drive you arrived
at the “Awareness Phase”. You still couldn’t drive, but because of your new
awareness of the automobile and its parts, you were consciously aware of

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why you couldn’t.  At this point, you at least realized what you had to do to
acquire the competency to drive.  You may have felt overwhelmed by the
tasks before you, but when these tasks were broken down one by one,
they weren’t so daunting after all.  They became attainable.  Step by step,
familiarity replaced fear.

In the awareness phase people need to feel the exhilaration of small
successes interspersed with the inevitable mistakes that they must make
while acquiring new concepts and skills.... one step at a time. Game-
Changing Life Strategies is structured to move you from Phase 1 to Phase 2.

With  some  additional  practice  and  guidance,  you  were  able  to  become
competent  in  driving  the  car  through  recognition  of  what  you  had  to  do.
However,  you  had  to  be  consciously  aware  of  what  you  were  doing  with
all of the mechanical aspects of the car as well as with your body. You had
to be consciously aware of turning on your blinker signals well before you
executed a turn. You had to remember to monitor the traffic behind you in
your rearview mirror.  You kept both hands on the wheel and noted your car’s
position relative to the centerline road divider.

You were consciously aware of all of these things as you competently drove.
This third phase is the hardest stage - the one in which your people may
want  to  give  up.     This  is  the  “Practice  Phase.”   You  will  make  mistakes
during this phase.  People tend to feel uncomfortable when they goof, but
this is an integral part of Phase 3.  Human beings experience stress when
they implement new behaviors, especially when they perform imperfectly.
You may be tempted to revert to old, more comfortable behaviors but it is
important that you recognize this temptation and resist it.

You need to realize that it is alright to make mistakes. In fact, it’s NECESSARY
so that you improve through practice, practice and more practice.

- Foreword -

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Returning  to  our  car  analogy,  think  of  the  last  time  that  you  drove.  Were
you consciously aware of all of the actions that we just mentioned above?
Of course not! Most of us, after driving awhile, progress to a level of the
“Habitual Performance Phase.”  This is the level where we can do something
well and don’t have to think about the steps.  They come “naturally” because
they are so well practiced that we have shifted to automatic pilot.  This final
stage, then, is when practice results in assimilation and habit.

Our  example  holds  true  for  your  use  of  professional  training  through  the
first three relatively uncomfortable processes of ignorance, awareness, and
practice  in  order  to  get  to  the  blueprint  for  success  -  the  highest  level  of
“habitual performance.”  However, you must pay a price to get to this level of
competence:  repetition and more repetition.

When  you  were  learning  to  drive  the  car,  you  acquired  your  competency
through  practice.   The  same  holds  true  for  adopting  the  habits  and  traits
of  successful  people.    New  skills  will  require  a  change  of  behavior  from
your present method of working.  If this is the case, expect to see an initial
decrease  in  productivity.    This  is  a  common  occurrence  in  behavioral
change.  However, as you approach the automatic level of working through
persistence and practice, your productivity will increase beyond its previous
level and reach a new and higher plateau.

This  four-phase  model  for  success  can  help  you  and  your  people  break
out of the rut most of us dig for ourselves.  By experiencing success and
encouragement at each level, change can be exciting instead of intimidating.
The bottom line is this: skills and attitudes will both improve by taking one
step at a time as you work through the book.

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- Foreword -

Preface

By J. Daniel Moody

or centuries, man believed he had no control over his future – that his
life was pre-determined or pre-destined. As a consequence, many

a person  surrendered his life to an unwanted fate or destiny.  We have
all  heard  the  famous  Henry  David  Thoreau  quote:  “most  men  live  lives
of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in their heart.”
Their aspirations remain unrealized, their potential unfulfilled, their songs
of success unsung.

Today,  forward  thinking  scholars  believe  we  each  hold  our  future,  our
destiny, in our own hands.  Like them, I’ve refused to lead my life with the
belief that I cannot change its direction and outcome.  William Jennings
Bryan captured my feelings best when he said; “destiny is not matter of
chance. It is a matter of choice.  It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing
to be achieved.”

Today you can begin to design the future you desire; you can begin to
choose what you will achieve. Thoreau warned, “When it is time to die,
let us not discover that we never lived.” But he then counseled: “If one
advances confidently in the direction of one’s dreams, and endeavors to
live the life one has imagined, one will meet with success.”

Game-Changing Life Strategies aspires to capture the spirit of these beliefs
and demonstrate that we can each make changes and make choices that
will lead us to the lives we desire.

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As for me, I have imagined my life all the way to the end.  I have imagined
my friends and family gathered to celebrate, not mourn, my life.  I have
imagined each person as they stand to speak: recalling that I had been a
great friend, a great son, a great spouse a great father and the world’s best
grandfather.  That is how I have established my life goals – by visualizing
how I will be remembered and by setting goals that will help me hear the
accolades  that  I  have  imagined.    I  choose  to  follow  the  advice  of  Jack
Welch: “control you own destiny or someone else will.”

I recall a story I read in the book, “Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar,” by
Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein. The story goes like this: Three friends
are killed in a car accident and meet at an orientation session in Heaven.
The celestial facilitator asks them what they would most like to hear about
themselves as their friends and relatives view them in the casket.

The first man says; “I hope that people will say that I was a wonderful
doctor and good family man.”

The second man says; “I would like to hear people say that as a schoolteacher
I made a big difference in the lives of kids.”

The third man says; “I’d like to hear someone say ‘Look he’s moving’.”

That last aspiration lies beyond the capacity of this book. But Game-
Changing Life Strategies will demonstrate that you can plan and lead your
life in such a manner that you will hear the things you would like to hear at
its end. Game-Changing Life Strategies will help you get started living the
life you want to live.

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Introduction

By Samuel Johnson

o say Dan Moody, Dr. Tony Alessandra and I are excited about helping
individuals change their lives and careers through this book is an

understatement. We are - quite simply - passionate about the possibilities
of helping so many people! It is our belief that the people who read this
book and complete the exercises will begin to find peace in their lives. They
will start on a journey of accomplishment that will lead to fulfillment of their
personal and professional goals.

Psychological research clearly demonstrates that self-improvement, habit
change, and empowerment are within your reach; you may attain them
all. This book will show you how to achieve your life objectives using
techniques based on the latest, proven psychological research in behavior
modification as found in such texts as Applied Sports Psychology.

In Game-Changing Life Strategies, we will teach you to set goals using the
same advanced concepts and strategies used by the world’s elite athletes.
We will help you understand the adoptable traits of successful people—
and how to make them your traits. Together, we will explore the Law of
Attraction and learn how to use it to advance your success. And we will
teach you the power of belief systems and how you can use them to direct
and control your life.

Most importantly we will guide you beyond the book itself-to your exclusive
access to the interactive, password protected Game-Changing Life
Strategies web portal (90 days Free access). If you read the book and
utilize the web portal, you will realize change in your life so beneficial and

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powerful that you will understand why we had to patent this process. You
will understand why self-help books written in the future will all strive to
adopt this incredibly effective process.

Once on the portal you will engage in interactive exercises on goals, beliefs,
associations,  and  the  Law  of Attraction.   As  you  complete  each  exercise
and establish a goal or objective, you will receive  interactive reminders and
reinforcement every day for 21 days.  Research, as noted by Dr. Maxwell
Maltz,  demonstrates that when you see something in writing every day, for 21
days, a physiological change takes place within your mind.  Your conscious
mind awakens and urges you to attain the goal; neural pathways are built
within your mind easing your journey to its accomplishment, and even your
unconscious mind goes to work for you.  Yes, most spectacular about this
process is that your unconscious mind releases its power and goes to work
to help you achieve your goals.

Do you want to lose 10-20-30 pounds?  Do you want to learn how to make a six
figure income?  Do you want the relationships in your life to be more rewarding,
fulfilling, and enriching?  All of your goals will be realized. Game-Changing
Life Strategies combines years of research with proven Psychological Training
Programs as noted in Applied Sports Psychology, to provide you a guaranteed
system to create positive powerful change after 21 days.

Let’s get started on your path to discovery and change.

Please create your online account by clicking below or entering the url below
into your internet browser:

Those with hard copy books please type in:

http://www.alc-performanceenhancement.com/design-your-destiny/create-account.aspx

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 1 - Pareto’s Principle

“Spending more time on the things that have the best chance
of making the biggest difference can go a long way to making
you more successful, with less effort.”- Steve Strauss

n 1906, Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto created a principle to describe
the unequal distribution of wealth in his country. He noted that twenty

percent of the people owned eighty percent of the wealth. He expanded the
notion to many other areas, ultimately concluding that 80% of the effects
typically come from 20% of the causes. Over 100 years later, Pareto’s
Principle can be readily observed in our everyday life.

In your home, does 80% of the wear on the carpet occur on the 20% where
traffic flows? Do you spend 80% of your social time with 20% of your
social circle? In your company, do 80% of the sales come from 20% of the
sales staff? The principle is so prevalent and evident that it has come to be
known by the popular name, The 80/20 Rule.

Not surprisingly, we find that Pareto’s Principle applies when we analyze
the people that are successful in life. Approximately 20% of the  population
in developed nations become financially successful.  The other 80% have
average or below average economic success. The leverage  provided the
20%  group  becomes  even  more  apparent  when  looked  at  in  a  different
way. The people in the 80% group average a 3% annual salary increase.
At the same time the increase in the cost of living over the past 10 years
averaged about 3% per year. The 3% annual raise the 80% group receives
means they only break even  after inflation.  On the other hand, the top
20% increase their income on average 11% per year. And, the top 10%
increase their income on average 21% per year!

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The 80/20 rule, when understood, can be used to your advantage in two
very specific ways:



First, focus 80% of your time and energy on the 20% of your work
that is really important. Don’t just “work smart,” work smart on the
right things.



Second, remember the 80/20 rule when you establish your business
and social networks. Overall, 20% of the people in your network will
provide you with 80% of what you want. You want to associate with
the 20%’ers.

Pareto’s Principle provides you guidance. It does not apply to every situation
in life, nor is every situation always 80/20. Many cause/effect relationships
may be 70/30 or 60/40; but the principle is still the same. Use it to your
advantage: focus the vast majority of your time on the most important
things that need to get done. YOU will have a dramatically greater chance
of success.

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 2 - Law of Attraction

“Byrdes of on kynde and color flok and flye allwayes together.”
William Turner 1545

elieve it or not but your Behavior, Values, and Habits establish the
parameters of your business and social circles. The interplay of these

three elements underpin the saying “birds of a feather flock together,” and
form the basis of the Law of Attraction.

We see this phenomenon clearly in the social circles developed by
adolescents. According to Alfred Adler’s Psychological theory on human
development, we seek our identity during that stage of our lives.

At  a  young  age  we  begin  to  establish  the  parameters  of  our  future
friendships  and  business  relationships.  Kids  that  play  video  games  all
day after school hang out together, talking about their virtual adventures.
High school athletes form a group; those who are musically inclined gather
together; intelligent academics seek each other out, and the cheerleaders
are all friends.  As humans, we all seek comfort and run from pain; when
we find other humans that are similar to us they provide us with comfort.

Understanding  this  psychological  precept  provides  an  important  insight:
successful people have certain attributes in common and also seek each
other  out.    If  your  goal  is  to  be  successful  you  need  to  search  for  and
find  successful  people,  study  and  adopt  their  attributes  and  join  in  their
interaction.

Game-Changing Life Strategies devotes most of Part One of this book to
the attributes of Successful People. You will understand how each of those
attributes can help you pursue your life objectives. And you will participate

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Chapter 3 - Adoptable
Traits of Successful People

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the
most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” -
Charles Darwin

elow is a list of 20 adoptable traits Successful People have in
common and practice in their daily lives. Each will be discussed in a

short chapter that is fun and easy to read. When you finish reading, you
will be directed to log-on to your personal Game-Changing Life Strategies
web page where you will pick 80% of the behaviors you want to embrace
(remember the 80/20 rule).

Once you have selected the traits you want to adopt Game-Changing Life
Strategies will begin its interaction with you over the subsequent 21 days.
Your Reticular Activating System (a part of the brain that filters incoming
information) will place importance on them for you and make them part of
your neurological makeup. Successful People:

1. – Rationalize

2. – Imagine

3. – Have Voracious Appetites! (For Reading)

4. – Are Born to Succeed

5. – Understand Pain versus Pleasure

6. – Want the Best

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7. – Have Goals!

8. – Help Others

9. – Think Positive

10. - Turn off the “Boob Tube”

11. - Aren’t Victims

12. - Train the Brain

13. - Water the F.E.R.N.

14. - Care & Respect

15. - Understand Themselves and Others

16. – Understand Challenges are Blessings

17. – Are Passionate!

18. - Rest, Relax, and Recharge

19. - Invest Money Wisely

20. - Are Resilient

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

In the upcoming chapters we will discuss the psychological impact each
trait can have upon your life. You can then use the concept of Pareto’s
Principle and the Law of Attraction to your advantage, implementing those
most important to you. In your first exercise, you will log-on to the Game-
Changing Life Strategies password protected personalized web portal and
will choose 80% of the traits you want to adopt or enhance.

Utilizing our patented Systems and Methods for Behavior Modification we
will then interact with you over the next 90 days of your free access.  That
interaction  will    stimulate  the  adoption  of  these  traits  and  reinforce  your
learning.  These traits will soon become a part of your neurological makeup,
the way you see yourself, conduct yourself and impact others.  Successful
People will naturally be attracted to you via the Law of Attraction.

Whether you are young, preparing early for a successful future, or mature,
and looking for change, this process will benefit you. You are never too
young or old to enhance your performance or to achieve new levels of
satisfaction. You can be 25 or 65 and not embrace these behavioral habits,
or

YOU can embrace these habits and be empowered. Which person do

you want to be?

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapter 4 - Rationalize

“Respect for another man’s opinion is worthy. It is the
realization that any opinion is valuable, for it is the sign of
a rational being.” - Sargent Shriver

uccessful people know how to rationalize situations. They understand
that what happened isn’t the issue; it is what you think about what

happened that matters. For example, if a Successful Person’s car were
stolen he would quickly come to terms with the situation. First, he would
be thankful no one was injured during the incident. He would appreciate
that the car wasn’t stolen while the family was in the vehicle and he would
remind himself that the car is insured.

The  Successful  Person  recognizes  the  difference  between  possessions
and what is truly valuable.    He understands that a car is just a car, and
that insurance will replace it.   He may begin thinking immediately about
what type of new car he might get.  He may even view the situation as a
“blessing in disguise”: the car that was stolen can now be replaced with a
new eco-friendly vehicle.

Successful people view every situation in its most positive light. They
realize that any situation could be worse; they find a positive outcome in a
negative event.

What would 80% of the population do if their car were stolen?  They would
allow  themselves  to  become  victimized  for  an  extended  period  of  time.
They would have difficulty letting go of the pain.  Why did they steal

car? Who left the door unlocked? Why couldn’t we have left earlier? As
their “victim mentality deepened, they may even think, “Why didn’t anyone buy

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me The Club for my birthday?” Their day would be miserable and, because
emotions are contagious, that misery would spread to all around them.

You can choose to rationalize a situation or not. You can make positive
choices in negative circumstances. Which of the persons above would you
want to be friends with? Which person would YOU want to be?

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 5 - Imagine

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their
dreams.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

n the 1950’s Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote one of the most enduring and
valuable self-help books of our time, Psycho-Cybernetics. Dr. Maltz

was unique. He was not a Psychologist studying human behavior; he was
a practicing plastic surgeon. His studies on self-help resulted from his
observations of changes in his patients’ behavior following surgery.

In the 1950’s plastic surgery did not center on breast augmentation, calf
implants or facial perfection. It focused on improving the appearance of
those born with physical abnormalities or a disfiguring injury. A typical
surgery might be to correct a deformed lip or to pin back or reduce the size
of someone’s ears.

Following surgery, Dr. Maltz noticed certain patient’s lives completely
turned around. When they returned to work they no longer felt like people
were staring at them. They felt more accepted, more confident. In public
settings, with their corrective surgery complete, they engaged with and met
new people. The surgery dramatically changed their lives for the better!

Maltz  was  fascinated,  however,  when  some  who  had  their  ears  pinned
back or another deformity corrected still saw themselves as deformed.  He
would show them a “before surgery” picture when their ears were large,
perpendicular and much different from the rest of the population.  Then he
would show them a mirror and say “look, your ears are no longer abnormal;
they are completely normal again.”  Yet the patient would not agree!  He still
visualized himself with abnormal ears even after corrective surgery.

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Maltz hypothesized that the mind was so powerful that it could override
physical reality.  He determined that the mind visualized a burnt-in self-
image—one that had been a reality for so many years that the mind couldn’t
accept the new reality.  The hypothesis led to Maltz’s groundbreaking work
on  visualization.    He  posed  the  question,  “If  the  mind  could  not  tell  the
difference  between  what  is  real  and  imagined  in  a  historical  sense  (the
repaired ear), could the mind tell the difference between what is real and
imagined in a futuristic sense?”  He believed that it could not; he asked
“What if the mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is
imagined?”

He performed an interesting experiment in visualization with a local high
school  basketball  team.    The  team  divided  into  two  groups:  one  would
shoot  free  throws  for  an  hour  each  day  and  the  other  would    “imagine”
shooting free throws for 15 minutes each day.  At the end of two weeks, the
group that hadn’t physically shot one free throw was shooting just as well
as the team that was shooting free throws for an hour a day.

Maltz’s hypothesis has been tested and proven in years of research. When
a person learns the techniques of Visualization he can finally do what he
imagines  himself  doing  and  do  it  consistently.    He  can  make  basketball
free  throws,  fifteen-foot  putts,  or  stand  before  200  people  and  give  a
fantastic  speech.  Moreover,  subsequent  research,  as  noted  in  Applied
Sports Psychology, shows a great deal of our confidence is built upon three
things:  self  evaluation  of  past  performance,  admired  peer  evaluation  of
past performance, and the ability to visualize future performance.  As one
visualizes oneself making incredible speeches, conducting great meetings,
making beautiful fairway shots, being thin, or being composed in stressful
situations, the imagined behavior becomes actual behavior.  We now know

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the mind cannot distinguish between the real and the vividly imagined. To
maximize this power, you must imagine things as clearly as possible, see
things in great detail, hear what is going on around you, and feel what is
happening. The more vivid and detailed you imagine a situation the better
you will perform.

The incredible powers of visualization, the power of the mind, does not
always produce beneficial results. We all know the debilitating illnesses
called  Anorexia  and  Bulimia.    People  suffering  from  these  illnesses
either don’t eat or, when they do, force themselves to throw up.  To our
eyes they look totally emaciated—so thin they may appear near death.
However, in their mind they are fat. The visualized image that led them to
become bulimic or anorexic remains so strong that whenever they look in
the mirror they see a fat person.

Conversely, some overweight persons can look in the mirror and-if their
confidence is sufficiently high and their power of imagination strong-still
see the 18 year old bodies they once had.

Psychologists,  working  with  persons  with  false  body-image  problems,
sometimes ask them to put a paper bag over their head. They cut holes
for the eyes and have them look in the mirror.  The patients can’t see the
faces hidden by the paper bag.   The process tricks their mind. All they
can see is a person’s body, not “their“ body. They finally see their “true
body,” rather than the one they view through the imbedded, visualized
images in their mind.

You can exercise the power of visualization. You can not only influence,
you can change the perception and the reality of your mind. Remember,
when you visualize, focus on what you can SEE, HEAR, and FEEL. Later,

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- Imagine -

Chapter 6 - Have a Voracious
Appetite! (For Reading)

“Reading engages the mind. Reading materials, by
exercising our memory and imagination, can contribute
to happiness in ways similar to active positive thinking.
Regular readers are about 8% more likely to express daily
satisfaction.” - E. Scope

uccessful people read. There are a number of benefits to reading! It
allows one to live vicariously through the author. Reading, frequently,

allows the reader to gain insight into the mind of someone that has already
accomplished what the reader still seeks to accomplish. That’s why the
best seller lists over the past few years have included biographies of Jack
Welch, Bill Clinton, Mark Zuckerberg and Ted Turner, among others.

I had a very real experience with the power of reading after my girlfriend
died in a terrible car accident. Following her death, I sought the help of a
psychologist and self-help books to recover from the tragedy. With this
guidance I found the strength to recover and move forward in my life. And,
from that moment forward, I wanted to be able to reach out to people like he
and those authors who had reached out to me. I took psychology classes
in college and I began to evaluate career choices that would allow me to
help others the way I had been helped. And, critically, I read every self-help
book I could find. Twenty years later I haven’t stopped.

I began to live vicariously through the talented authors of the self-help books
that I read. I read to see how they thought, how they viewed relationships,
how they dealt with the financial world, how they engaged their spiritual

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world, how they spoke, and how they became successful. Learning through
them ultimately led me to a career helping others.

Reading automatically takes the mind to a creative realm, a realm where the
reader crafts visual pictures and scenery. Contrast this to our experience
when we watch television: our minds go blank; our creativity disappears-
not only the story but the pictures and scenery are created for us. When
we read we create a “movie” in our heads, our mind becomes the movie
screen.

Successful People typically have a Voracious Appetite for reading. They
read about their vocations, their avocations, their pleasures and their
passions.

Dan Moody is one of those people. He reads nearly every night before
sleep, and often has 2-3 books that he is reading simultaneously. Like most
Successful People he is immensely curious!

One night he reads a favorite novelist, often a thriller with international
intrigue or a great courtroom drama. He calls these books his great escape.
The next night he will read the biography of an historical leader. At the time
of this writing, a biography of Winston Churchill slakes his desire for greater
insight into the lives of courageous leaders. He reads a variety of business
books—currently one on corporate strategy aimed at business owners and
senior management.

Studies show that people who read can focus longer, can concentrate
better, and can visualize better than those who don’t. Successful people
Read! And did you notice that you are reading now?

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Chapter 7 - Born to Succeed

“Men never plan to be failures; they simply fail to plan to
be successful.” - William Arthur Ward

strongly believe that human beings were born to succeed. As in YOU
were born to succeed! You have built-in instincts for success. You have

been succeeding throughout your life, maybe not to the degree you prefer,
but you have been succeeding. Your journey is not over. By reading this
book you have determined that it has just begun. You have chosen to
achieve greater success.

Since the dawn of mankind, human beings have succeeded.  When we were
hungry we learned to hunt and farm. When it was cold we learned to build
fires and habitations.   When we wanted to travel we invented the wheel
and domesticated the ox and horse to pull it. When we wanted to cross the
water we built boats and ships. And when we wanted to travel faster and
farther and more comfortably, we built trains, cars, and airplanes.  We’ve
even put men on the moon!  We were born to succeed, we succeed every
day.  We have proven as human beings and as individuals that whatever
we put our mind and energy towards we accomplish!

If you aren’t succeeding right now, don’t worry. By the end of this book you
will know exactly how to succeed. As you go through your day-to-day life,
as you fulfill your responsibilities one at a time, remember:

YOU were born

to Succeed.

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Chapter 8 - Understand Pain
versus Pleasure

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and
pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If
you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life
controls you.” - Anthony Robbins

eople will do anything to get away from pain and everything they can
to find pleasure. Successful people know this essential truth of human

behavior and they utilize it on themselves.

After working with people for years, I understand this: we will all do more
to escape pain than we will to gain pleasure. You must understand this
about your own behaviors. To emphasize its importance, we have included
several Pain versus Pleasure exercises on your Game-Changing Life
Strategies personal web page.

You will learn in these interactive exercises-how to associate either pain or
pleasure to specific situations that you want to change. Successful people
become successful, in part, because they know how to associate pain with
things or situations they want no part of, and how to associate pleasure
with things or situations they want to engage in repetitively.

Think about what I have told you about myself.

Do I associate pain or pleasure with writing this book? How about with
helping people? With watching people grow? I associate pleasure with
each of those things. If I associated pain with them, I wouldn’t do them.

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What if

YOU associated more pleasure with being in shape, looking good,

and feeling stronger? Do you think you would improve your diet and exercise
more? Yes, of course you would. But to truly change your condition, you
would also need to associate pain with being out of shape, over eating,
unhealthy foods, feeling heavier, weaker, and more lethargic. If you made
both these pleasure and pain associations, would you not eat better and
start exercising? Most definitely!

In our upcoming book, Game-Changing Sales Strategies, we will take an
in-depth look at how this principle is used by Sales Superstars to achieve
phenomenal success in their chosen profession.

Successful people understand the Pain Versus Pleasure theory and how it
leads to greater success. Upon completion of the exercises associated with
this chapter YOU will be able transform that understanding into meaningful
change in your life!

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 9 - Want the Best

“We have to do the best we can. This is our sacred human
responsibility.” Albert Einstein

uccessful people want to be the best. Successful People focus on goals
and drive to their attainment. Successful people don’t let excuses or speed

bumps get in their way!

Whenever I speak on this topic, I am reminded of the movie The Natural. Robert
Redford stars as a baseball player of immense talent named Roy Hobbs. Out
of the game for many years, he has a chance to come back late in his life. He
returns to baseball at an age when most baseball players retire. He knows what
keeps his competitive fire alive is his belief in his exceptional talent, and a burning
desire to win. He wants one thing above all else-when he walks down the street
after his career has ended to hear people say, “There goes Roy Hobbs, the best
there ever was in the game.”

Many believe the movie echoed a quote by Hall of Fame baseball player Ted
Williams who once said, “All I want out of life, is that when I walk down the street
folks will say, there goes the greatest hitter that ever lived.”

Few, if any, people have had the success Ted Williams enjoyed as a professional
baseball player. Many have described hitting a baseball that moves at 95 miles
per hour on one pitch, and 75 miles per hour on the next, capable of curving,
sliding and dropping, as the most difficult feat in all of sports. Ted Williams was
a man who excelled at it.

Studies show that when we achieve some level of success we get feelings of
exhilaration and satisfaction that we want to feel again and again. Those feelings
pinpoint our focus on achieving our goals and becoming more successful.

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Imagine this situation:

Two  sales  people  represent  two  different  companies.  Each  salesperson
sells the same brand of Widgets as the other.  Each sales person receives
a lead-ABC Company is looking for new Widgets.  One sales person gets
the lead on his cell phone and is immediately excited. He thinks:  “I know
I can help him, I can ease his pain and fill his aspirations.  I can earn his
business and be the sales person of the month again.”

The other sales person thinks: “oh boy I am busy... I’ll get him a bid later
this week”… in his mind he complains that the potential customer is 40
minutes away from the office and he’ll have to drive through traffic every
time he sees him.

Which  of  the  two  wants  to  be  the  best?    Who  do  you  think  will  get  the
business?  Who do you think makes a six figure income and who is going
to make much, much less?

Imagine two professional pool players  squaring off in a match.  One thinks:
“I need to focus, hit the ball with finesse, use positive self talk, and play to
win.”  The other thinks: “Last time I played this person I scratched and lost,
I hope I don’t scratch and lose again.”   Which of the two wants to be the
best? Who do you think is going to win that game?

Wanting to be the best doesn’t guarantee you are going to win, but you
aren’t going to win if you don’t want to be the best. There are proven
processes to help YOU become your best and achieve your goals. We
have included exercises to help you on your personal Game-Changing Life
Strategies web page.

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Chapter 10 - Have Goals!

“Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming
wishes into wants; cant’s into cans; dreams into plans; and
plans into reality. Don’t just think it - ink it!” - Unknown

ithout goals you are like a boat in the ocean that doesn’t have its
sails up or its rudder in the water. You are adrift with the current.

Set sail from San Diego without sails and rudder bound for Hawaii. You
will  flounder  in  the  harbor,  drifting  without  direction.  Setting  goals  and
writing  them  down  is  like  raising  your  sails,  putting  your  rudder  in  the
water and steering steadily towards Hawaii.  Which boat do you want to
be in, the one with or without sails and a rudder?

The more I travel around the country training executives, athletes, and
CEO’s the more I hear; “Sam I already have goals. Can’t we do a different
training?”   When I ask to see them, I find they’re not written down or if
written, often more than a year old. Ironically, many of these people  have
worked with a personal coach or consultant in the past. That coach or
consultant may have told them the importance of writing down their goals,
but he failed to impress upon them that it is not a one-time exercise.

Occasionally, I find the clients have accomplished all the goals they have
written on their Goals Sheet.  You may think, “Isn’t that fantastic?”  The
answer is yes and no.  Yes, they wrote down their goals and they achieved
them, but they failed to keep setting new goals.  What too many coaches
fail  to  teach  is  the  importance  of  setting  new  goals  when  old  goals  are
achieved or as situations change.  Successful people re-set goals constantly
throughout their life. They constantly strive to achieve more.

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When incorrectly used, Goal Setting can be the most abused technique in
the self-improvement industry. When correctly used, it is the most valuable.
Goal Setting needs to be done correctly. Later in the book we will talk about
goals at length. Then, in our interactive sessions, you will learn how the
world’s elite athletes set their goals and achieve them. Once educated on
the topic you will set and achieve your goals!

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Chapter 11 - Help Others

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who
can do him absolutely no good”

– Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

ne thing I have observed in my career-year after year-is successful
people help other people. And, importantly, they receive immense

joy from doing it.

Early in my career I helped build TAG National, a training and consulting
company  in  the  Voice  and  Data  industry.  Each  year  we  held  a  national
conference  for  our  clients  that  included  an  awards  dinner.    At  these
dinners we awarded beautiful silver plaques to honor the most successful
companies  in  the  industry.    We  honored  companies  who  had  achieved
record breaking sales and profits, but we also honored the companies that
returned  the most  to their communities.  The companies honored had held
fundraisers  for  Multiple  Sclerosis,  participated  for  Make  a  Wish,  led  the
drives for Children’s Hospitals and more.

Does it surprise you to learn that the companies honored for their revenue
and profit performances were the same ones honored for helping others in
the community? Over the years, TAG National has continued to recognize
successful companies at their Annual Convention; without fail, the most
successful companies are also the ones most involved in helping others.
It’s not a coincidence!

Look at the most successful people in the world; what do they do? They
help their family; they help their friends; they help others. If helping others
means making sure that your widowed grandmother still has someone to

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talk with then visit her, call her, spend time with her, take her out to lunch.
Research demonstrates helping others make us happy and grateful.
Volunteer in your community; join a charitable group; join any organization
dedicated to helping others.

The question arises: Do people do acts of kindness to become successful
or do successful people do acts of kindness because they recognize their
good fortune and feel a sense of obligation to give back? Most successful
people do it as a “pay-it-forward” philosophy. The philosophy centers on
the idea that you can’t always pay someone back for the help they have
given you; instead, you pay it forward by helping someone else.

Help Others –you will probably not be surprised by the joy that your efforts
will provide someone else; but you might be surprised by the joy it brings
to YOU.

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Chapter 12 - Think Positive

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible,
and achieves the impossible.” - Unknown

magine this conversation:

“Hey Karen, how’re you?”

“Pretty good, how about you?”

“I’ll  tell  you  Karen—this  morning  wasn’t  so  good;  if  something  could  go
wrong it did. I was at Starbucks and some woman standing in line kept trying
to talk to me about politics…and I hadn’t even had my coffee.  Then, while
I was driving to work, someone cut me off and I almost had an  accident.
The traffic made me late to work and I got written up.  Then my phone rang
all day with customers calling and I couldn’t get my other work done-so at
the end of the day I got lectured again. And when I got home, my husband
was upset because I was in a bad mood.”

Now imagine a different interaction:

“Hey Karen, how’re you?”

“Pretty good; how about you?”

“Fantastic; if I were doing any better I’d be twins.  I was at Starbucks this
morning and met the most interesting woman while standing in line; we
had a fascinating conversation about President Obama. I did get cut off in
traffic, but I avoided the accident and didn’t even spill my coffee!  I knew the
incident combined with traffic would make me late for work so I stopped,
called Jim, and let him know.  He was really appreciative of the call and

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bought me lunch! When I got to work, all of my favorite clients called in. The
whole day went by really fast. I do have some busy work I need to catch up
on this evening...and my husband is going to help me with it tonight. One
thing is for certain: our to-do lists will still be alive and running the day we
die, and they definitely provide job security.”

Which of these two persons enjoys life more? Which has more friends?
Which one is likely to make more money? Which one is mostly likely to be
promoted at work?

In years of training and working with others one thing has been apparent:
everyone has a pile of problems, issues confronting them. I’ve also observed
this: place 10 people in a room; have all share their pile of problems with the
others. Given the choice, almost all would decide to stick with their own pile.

The difference between those that Think Positive and others isn’t the
size of their problem piles; it’s how they deal with them. Those that Think
Positive perceive their problems as lessons they can learn from or use to
help others. Others moan and complain about their personal pile, releasing
negative energy to everyone around them.

Repetitive Positive Thinking literally builds a neurological track consisting of
neurons, dendrites and synapses able to transport positive information more
efficiently each time it is used. The more we focus on the positive things in
life the more positive our outlook on life becomes. The more positive our
outlook becomes, the more positive life experiences we encounter.

When we think about our past we can imagine the good times or the bad
times. Successful people have taught themselves to remember the good
times. YOU get to make the choice to Think Positive or not; ultimately it

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Chapter 13 - Turn off the
“Boob Tube”

“Unless we get off our fat surpluses and recognize that
television in the main is being used to distract, delude,
amuse and insulate us, then television and those who finance
it, those who look at it and those who work at it, may see a
totally different picture too late.” –Edward R. Murrow

he average American spends 4 hours a day watching television. That
adds up to 28 hours a week, 112 hours a month, or 1,334 hours a year

(According to the A.C. Nielsen Co.). Over the next ten years the average
American will spend more than 13,340 hours watching television. The medium
has earned the name “Boob Tube” or “Idiot Box”.

Study after study demonstrates that what goes into our mind becomes part of
our mind. More simply said: “what goes in is what comes out.” Too much time
spent watching mindless reality shows, violent movies and even the news can
easily put the wrong stuff in. If we are going to watch television, shouldn’t we
ask both “how much” and “what”?

According to Rutgers University psychologist and TV-Free America board
member Robert Kubey:

“Millions of Americans are so hooked on television that they fit the criteria for
substance abuse as defined in the official psychiatric manual. Heavy TV viewers
exhibit five dependency symptoms--two more than necessary to arrive at a
clinical diagnosis of substance abuse. These include: 1) using TV as a sedative;
2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry
with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling
miserable when kept from watching.”

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When I encounter people who tell me they are stressed out, or in an emotional
rut, or have hit rock bottom, I immediately inquire: How many hours a day do
you watch television and what programming do you watch?

They usually respond: 4 plus hours each day with reality television, violent
movies, drama series and the news. The programming dampens their
creativity, stifles their conversations and desensitizes them. They may still
react when they see an animal threatened or hurt, “no, not the dog…” but they
are completely inured to the depiction of violent assaults, car accidents, or
even murder.

Successful People Turn off the Boob Tube. To the extent they do watch it, they
focus on educational programming and instructive entertainment offered by
channels like PBS, the National Geographic Channel, The History Channel, the
Disney Channel, or the Family Channel. If the Boob Tube is on, they reason,
they can at least be learning something or enjoying wholesome entertainment.

Have you ever asked: What could I do with an extra 112 hours a month— or
two work weeks each month? Could you learn to play a musical instrument,
a foreign language, learn how to dance, learn to massage your partner? Could
you write a book, learn a new craft, learn to play golf or tennis? Perhaps, within
a couple years, you could accomplish all of these things.

What if you turned off the Boob Tube and took the time to let go of old grudges,
to write letters to friends and relatives, to talk to your family, to find all of the old
clothes, blankets, and towels that you don’t use and take them to Goodwill?

Which person do YOU want to be remembered as, the one who spent their
life glued to the television? Or do you want to be remembered as the one who
spoke multiple languages, had written a book, ran marathons, was financially
successful, and helped your loved ones accomplish their goals?

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Chapter 14 - Aren’t Victims

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an
optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

- Winston Churchill

e all know victims – people who can’t get over some wrong done to
them in the past, people who can’t believe anything good will ever

happen to them, people who just wait for the “other shoe to drop.” They always
see the worst coming, somehow get in its way and then blame someone
else for the consequences. Blaming someone else for their shortcomings,
for the “things” that happen in their lives, hallmarks their behavior.  They do
it to mask their lack of self-esteem and self confidence and to draw attention
to  the  failures,  rather  than  to  themselves.    They  seek  the  sympathy  and
attention of others, to excuse themselves from attaining success.  They tell
you they didn’t get a raise at work because their boss unfairly dislikes them,
that they have problems at home because their spouse doesn’t understand
them, and that they can’t succeed in school because their teacher won’t give
them a fair grade.  They are victims of others actions or inactions; success
doesn’t elude them—someone else prevents them from achieving it.

Many that are victims were programmed for negative thinking early in
their lives. I once read the average child hears more than 400 negative
messages a day and only hears approximately 30 positive messages. No
wonder so many people suffer from this victim mentality, substituting self-
pity for success, substituting self-delusion for self realization.

Noted Psychologist and author John Gardner said: “Self-pity is easily the
most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives
momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

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Successful People Aren’t Victims. Successful People don’t like to think this
way. They take responsibility, put the bad events of their past behind them,
and focus on a positive future.

People can overcome the victim mentality using the techniques of Game-
Changing Life Strategies. Acknowledge the issue if it impedes you; determine
that you want to do something about it; stop blaming others; let the past
settle into the past and focus on the future. Surround yourself with positive
people and practice thinking positive. In the morning make it a practice to be
thankful for what you have; this is a good start to a positive day!

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Chapter 15 - Can Train the
Brain

“The idea of training the brain gives us hope.”

- Rika Kayama

e can choose to enjoy a situation or outcome and associate
pleasure with it or we can choose to dislike a situation or outcome

and associate pain with it.  Whichever we associate most with any situation,
pain or pleasure, will drive our behavior.  Successful people Train the Brain
to  associate  pleasure  with  situations  and  outcomes  they  desire.      They
associate pain with situations and outcomes they don’t desire. For example:

The successful student, pursuing a college degree for four years or more,
associates pleasure with finishing school and pain with bad grades.  She
recognizes that she will need great discipline to finish and the ultimate reward
lies far in the future.  The pleasure associated with its accomplishment won’t
be experienced for quite some time.  So the student trains her brain to make
the school experience itself pleasurable.  She chooses to associate pleasure
with each good grade attained, and each semester completed.  The pleasure
she feels keeps her focused on the end goal.  When she doesn’t get a good
grade, doesn’t complete a course, she elects to get upset and trains the brain
to associate pain with the situation and the outcome.

Attaining your college degree shows the world you worked for 4 years to
obtain a greater opportunity for success in the balance of your life. It
shows the world that you were able to associate more pleasure with the
possibilities your education would provide than the pain you associated
with paying for it.

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During tough financial periods, many find themselves in jobs where they
must work more while making less money. Some complain; they begin to
associate the job with pain and, over time, create an enemy in their career.
Other people associate pleasure with the fact that they still have a career
and that they work for a company that can still provide for them—even if not
as well as before. They look at their situation, contrast it to where others in
the world are less fortunate, and train their brain to take pleasure from the
situation they are in.

Your ability to train the brain is never as important as it is when times are
tough.  Which person is going to do better during tough times-the one who
makes his career his enemy or the one who can find pleasure in it?  Which
will prosper and grow when better times come?  Which person do YOU
want to be?

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Chapter 16 - Water the
F.E.R.N.

“One should eat nutritious food and exercise regularly to
have sound health. Virtuous deeds performed with intelligence
shall naturally bring good wealth. ” - Rig Veda

his simple acronym helps successful people remember the elements
necessary for a more balanced life. Successful people appreciate

that we need to have

Fun, Exercise, be Responsible, and eat Nutritious

foods throughout the week.

My 11

grade art teacher, a wise woman who we all called “Dot”, first provided

me this insight.  Dot not only introduced me to the F.E.R.N. concept; she
taught me the most important facets of watering your F.E.R.N. is that you
are tasked to have FUN first!  How about that?  So, the first thing I want to
make sure you do, sometime during each beautiful day, is have some FUN!

My sister, Jill, went directly from college to work at the Elizabeth Hospice
in Escondido, California. She often sat at the bedside of terminally ill
patients and listened to them talk of their lives. She would share with me
some of the stories she heard. None ever said “I wish that I had worked
more hours and spent more time at the office.” But each of them recalled
the memories of fun times they had with friends and family. At the end of
their lives what was truly meaningful were the good times they experienced
with the relationships they had built. FUN is critically important in our lives
and that’s why it is part of watering our F.E.R.N.

Let’s now look at the importance that exercise and nutrition play in a well-
balanced life. Sadly, a national epidemic of obesity afflicts the United States,

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and especially its children.  Not only do we eat the wrong things and too
much, but we also don’t exercise.   Too many people watch television, surf the
internet, or play video games rather than play actively outside  or exercise or
head for the gym.  And, too many people compound the problem by snacking
on very high calorie foods while engaged in these sedentary activities.

Health professionals consider the physical condition of the U.S. population
so generally unhealthy and out of shape, they have deemed it an epidemic.
We fail to follow the third F.E.R.N. tenet—to be responsible when it comes to
the diets or ourselves and our families.

Many people exercise but can’t lose weight.  It is because they are eating
terrible food!   Many claim to value their health and their physical appearance;
yet so many neglect themselves.  Instead of making a healthy dinner they
choose to eat fast food.  Hamburgers, fries and sodas-vessels of fat and
sugar—more  than  offset  any  benefits  from  exercise  they  strive  to  attain.
Successful  people  water  the  F.E.R.N.  and  eat  nutritious  foods.    They
associate fast food with sugar and fat and a lack of energy. They use the
Pain VS. Pleasure theory to associate sugar and fat with the pain of obesity
rather than the pleasure of convenience. They associate good nutrition with
the pleasures that accompany a meal shared by friends and family.

Successful People use the F.E.R.N acronym, because it reminds them to
have Fun, Exercise, be Responsible and eat Nutritious foods! Wouldn’t YOU
be more likely to achieve success if every day you did things to make you
happy, fit, in charge of your life?

PS. Thank you Dot, and Valley High School, I am still watering my F.E.R.N.

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 17 - Care and
Respect

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an
opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a
good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct
that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all
men, charity.” - Benjamin Franklin

he unsuccessful people of the world, the 80’s of the world say, “Why
vote, my vote doesn’t count anyway.” They say “why get involved, I

can’t make a difference.” They say “Why should I care, no one else does.”
They see themselves as small and insignificant, unable to have any impact
on their own life or on the lives of others.

Successful people care for themselves, others and the world they live in.
They understand that what they do with their time and energy helps shape
the world: one made up of their family, friends, and community.   Successful
people understand that their presence whether at home, with friends, or in
the community has impact.  They respect that we all need each other’s time
and energy, that each of us does better when we are cared for and when
we care for others.

In the movie Cast Away, Tom Hanks plays Chuck Noland, a shipwrecked
man forced to survive on an island by himself for four years.  Desperate
for companionship, he manipulates a blood stained volleyball to look like
a friendly face, and names his new companion Wilson.  His conversations
with Wilson help keep him sane and balanced.  However, the main thing
that helps him stay alive, sustains him- is the desire to return home, to care

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and be cared for by his beloved Kelly Frears, played by Helen Hunt.

In a similar vein, many returning prisoners of war share with Psychologists
the one thing that gave them hope and kept them alive was wanting to be
back with their families and friends.

Successful  People  care  not  only  about  those  closest  to  them  but  about
others.  When girl scouts are selling cookies they support them, when high
school  athletes  are  raising  money  for  school  they  help,  when  someone
is looking for a new job they direct that person to the right people.  They
appreciate that the actions of each individual count.  Successful People
don’t litter in their community, they join civic and charitable organizations,
they  get  involved  in  their  community  and  they  contribute  their  time  and
energy.

Successful  people  have  pride  in  their  city,  their  community,  their
neighborhood,  their  home,  and  you  guessed  it,  themselves!   They  treat
their community with care and respect.

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 18 - Understand
Themselves and Others

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an
understanding of ourselves.” - Carl Jung

lmost every successful person understands some form of Personality
Theory. Most importantly they understand the main premise that lies

behind Personality theories; each individual is wired differently and each
individual deserves to be treated with respect.

Successful People understand that when someone is introverted and
task oriented-meaning they may be shy and like to stick to things such as
board games and computers - it’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being
introverted!

Conversely, they understand that when someone is outgoing and people
oriented-concerned  with  their  social  life  and  how  others  perceive  them-
that is okay!   Both types of behavior are normal, representing only two
of  the  variety  of  “types”  identified  through  Psychological  Personality
Measurements.

Like it or not, we all live and communicate within systems.  We define a
system  as  a  group  of  people  with  whom  we  must  interact  on  a  regular
basis.  We all go to work; we all go home to our families; we are all involved
in some other “systems” whether at Church, in sports, or in school.

Successful people learn to communicate effectively with the people within
each system they encounter. They learn to appreciate and respect the
different strengths inherent in each personality type within each system.

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Conversely, they recognize and respect the weaknesses of those within
each system. We all have our behavioral strengths and weaknesses;
respecting those differences creates healthy systems.

Each of us interacts with and perceives the world differently based on how
we are mentally wired.

Because  we  are  all  different,  effective  recognition  and  understanding
of  the  unique  emotional  make-up  of  each  of  us,  coupled  with  effective
communication between each of us, becomes critical when we join together
in a system. When the individuals of a system respect one another and
work  off  each  others’  strengths,  that  system  thrives.    When  individuals
don’t understand or appreciate differences in others or can’t communicate
with them, the system becomes unhealthy and begins to fail.  What are
the major differences between personality types? How can we recognize
the behavioral preferences of each type? What do we know about their
strengths? Their weaknesses?

To better understand the concept of Personality Theory, let’s look at four
different “types”, four individuals “wired” very differently. It might take all
four to start a new business and put it on the road to success.

Before  the  business  even  opened,  there  was  someone  that  imagined
its  success,  someone  with  the  innovation  to  envision  how  the  business
might be built and the determination to build it.  This type of person, the
Business Owner for example, would be a dominant, direct, and decisive
leader.      Without  individuals  exhibiting  these  behavioral  characteristics,
new businesses wouldn’t just “pop up”.  In our example, we will call the
business owner a type “D” (Dominant) personality.  Only 10% of the general
population of the world has this behavioral style.

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

After  the  “D”  decided  the  business  could  be  built,  someone  needed  to
help finish designing it.   Someone needed to help create the company
infrastructure,  to  define  its  processes  and  to  develop  its  procedures  to
track and record company information.  The “D” needed someone that was
calculating, creative, and careful. He needed a Controller.  The person with
the greatest strengths to accomplish these tasks would generally be more
reserved and task oriented than the “D”. In our example, we will call the
Controller a type C (Conscientious) personality type. He or she would be
very logical and make a great accountant or technician within the company.
Approximately  25%  of  the  world’s  general  population  has  this  valuable
behavioral preference.

Once the Controller had designed the company with the supervision and
input of the business owner, they needed someone to tell everyone in the
world about the company, to bring its products to market.  They needed
a  sales  person!    This  person  would  generally  be  outgoing  and  people
oriented, would be inspiring, influential, and interactive.   We will call this
person a type “I”(Influential) personality type.  They represent about 30%
of the population.

After  all  had  been  organized  and  the  company’s  products  had  reached
the  market,  the  company  needed  a  customer  service  representative.    It
needed someone who would be supportive, stable, and steady.  This type
of person is generally reserved and people oriented; they represent the
largest portion of the population. Approximately 35% of the world is a Type
“S” (Supportive) personality type.  The “S” is the glue of an organization,
bringing it team work, cooperation and collaboration.

The combination of individuals with these 4 behavioral preferences creates
a formidable team. There is someone in charge, someone who is good with

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- Understand Themselves and Others -

all of the details and planning, someone to sell the product, and someone
to work with current clients. The company would suffer if it lost any part of
the team. If everyone in the company didn’t respect the other behavioral
“types”, there would be problems within its system.

Successful people know that respecting each other’s natural behavioral
differences is critical when we are in a system. YOU, too, can become
very knowledgeable on this fascinating topic: read The Platinum Rule by
Tony Alessandra, or study DISC Personality Theory, published by Inscape.
Successful People Understand Themselves and Others.

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapters 19 - Challenges
are Blessings

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come
when life seems most challenging.” - Joseph Campbell

uccessful People understand that challenges and hardships can
actually be seen as Blessings in Disguise. Successful People keep their

heads up through hard times and utilize discipline, exercise, love, support,
literature, and mentors to break through and overcome their challenges.
They understand we can learn the most when confronted by change,
uncertainty or hardship. They know that they can turn those challenges
into opportunities if they ask “What can I learn from this difficulty?”; “What
different question can I ask, different answer find, to convert this challenge
to a chance for improvement?” “Can I find my way through this maze of
problems to find an amazing new viewpoint?”

Successful People know the majority of challenges and hardships occur
during periods of change—like the challenges faced by many today during
this period of economic turmoil.  They realize the majority may be frozen
by fear or undone by uncertainty.  Successful People choose action over
inaction, decisiveness over indecision, and risk over refuge.

Many years ago a close friend said, “It is what we learn and how we hold
ourselves through periods of transition that is important.” Take the following
situations as an example: two individuals lose their jobs during a corporate
“down-sizing”;  both  are  unemployed  for  what  seems  an  extraordinary
amount of time.  One collects his unemployment, sends out his resumes
and complains about the lack of opportunity.  Each day he becomes more

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embittered. Each day he slips further into depression. Eventually he “accepts”
the fate he believes has befallen him. The other also collects unemployment,
sends out resumes and encounters little or no opportunity. But he also
enrolls in training that provides him new skill sets, volunteers for charitable
organizations supported by non-profits such as Social Venture Partners or
Rotary, reads constantly and works hard on his communication skills.

One day, one of the entrepreneurs from that non-profit determines to start
a new business and seeks a new employee.  Both individuals apply for
the job.  The resume of the first reads the same as the day he lost his
job many months, or even years, before.  The resume of the Successful
Person details his advancing education, his commitment to his community,
his Voracious Appetite for reading and his understanding of the diversity of
personality types with whom he might work.

Which person learned from their hardships? Who recognized the challenge
of his unemployment might be a blessing in disguise? Who will get the new
job? Which person would YOU want to be?

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 20 - Are Passionate!

“Passion is the genesis of genius” - Anthony Robbins

uccessful People are passionate about what they do! When Successful
People perform at their jobs, they frequently “get in the zone.” They love

what they do so much they can do it for hours without knowing the time that
slips away. Their passion to realize their objective drives them more than the
money that often accompanies its realization-the money is merely a side effect.

Have  you  ever  been  doing  something  and  completely  lost  track  of  time?
Perhaps  you  were  playing  basketball,  mahjong,  chess,  working,  writing,
reading, cooking, or talking with a friend. Before you realized, hours slipped
away; you completely lost track of time.  Noted Psychology Professor Mihaly
Csikszentmihalyi, calls this state of passion “being in the zone or experiencing
flow.”      During  this  time,  we  perform  at  our  best.    Our  mind  channels  our
energy,  our  capacity,  our  emotions,  our  motivation  and  our  actions  into
focused, effortless accomplishment.  We become lost in the moment, oblivious
to our immediate surroundings; we feel in complete control and capable of the
extraordinary; we execute easily, flawlessly.

Passion may also spur our innovation. Denis Waitley tells us a story about a
young man who wanted to deliver ice cream to his girlfriend who lived across
the river.  But, he couldn’t purchase the ice cream then row across the river
in time to deliver it before it melted. The man was not a scientist but he was
impassioned.  He abandoned himself to the task: to bring his loved one her
ice cream.  He spent hours, days, weeks, and months trying to find a way to
cross the river quickly.  Lost in time and focused on his goal he finally attached
a motor to his row-boat; his passion led him to invent the first motor boat!

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Chapter 21 - Rest, Relax and
Recharge

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
- Sydney J. Harris

oo often we characterize Successful People as those obsessed
with work, those that don’t take vacations, or those that never stop

to “smell the roses.” It might surprise you to know that most Successful
People do carve out time to get away from work, relax and recharge their
batteries.   My dad, a very successful business man, once told me “the
only thing of real value that money buys is ‘time’.”  When you have enough
money, you can “buy” time to share with others. During those times, we
can make some of life’s best memories.  When we are having fun with our
family and friends, we are truly at our best; this is when we are happiest.

Who  wouldn’t  want  to  take  a  yearly  trip  to  Hawaii,  Costa  Rica,  or  go  on
a European Vacation?  We all want to travel. It allows us to broaden our
perspective, internationalize and realize that our hometown may not be the
center of the universe.   Vacations are an annual reward that the family looks
forward  to,  plans  and  anxiously  awaits.    We  frequently  get  butterflies  the
night before we leave and often wish the vacation might last a little longer.

Imagine two different families, both fathers are high school teachers and
both mothers are accountants. Their financial situations are identical; they
live in similar homes; have similar daily expenses. One family spends their
“extra” money on material items –the best of brand name clothing, luxurious
cars and expensive jewelry. The other family saves conscientiously and
goes on vacation every year for three weeks.

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At the end of many years one family has a treasure trove of material goods-
-some in and some out of fashion; some as good as new; some worn out.
The other family has gone white water rafting in Oregon, fishing in Costa
Rica and Panama, seen lions and elephants in Africa, snorkeled the Great
Barrier Reef of Australia. They may have been to Europe, the Middle East,
the Far East, and South America.

They have traded things for things to remember, possessions owned for
experiences shared, and the accoutrements of life for the encounters of a
life-time.

Or perhaps, these fabled trips were taken only in the tales they told each
other, the books they read together, the memories they shared when they
put time aside on the week-end to enjoy life with those they loved. Might
they still not be more valuable than the clothes, the cars and the gems?

Successful People Rest, Relax and Recharge. While it may be on a grand
vacation, it may be just exercising together, taking a walk or acting like
tourists in your own town. Which family would YOU want to have?

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Chapter 22 - Invest Money
Wisely

” We get used to almost anything we are frequently exposed to.
That’s why the money we spend on big purchases gives us such
a perishable pleasure.” - Jason Sweig

uccessful People are disciplined with their personal finances.
Successful People almost always purchase their home rather than

rent.  They save regularly and contribute heavily to Retirement Accounts
such  as  401K’s.    They  understand  and  use  credit  reasonably,  avoiding
credit card debt with high interest rates.

If they find themselves in debt through misjudgments, they work quickly
to retire it. They maintain a monthly budget and stick to it. They enjoy the
level of entertainment they can afford. Their success often allows them
to go to dinner, attend movies and plays and other social functions, but
they do not spend foolishly. They budget for, and take vacations, valuing
the importance of time taken from everyday stress and devoted instead to
friends and family.

Former British Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain, once said: “thrift is a
habit of character that prompts one to work for what he gets; to earn what
is paid for him; to invest a part of his earnings; to spend wisely and well; to
save, but not to hoard.” Good advice then, good advice now.

Take this very simple example. A family that has $15,000 in credit card debt
can pay as much as $300 a month in interest payments or $3,600 a year.
Conversely, a family with $15,000 in savings making 5% on their money
earns $750 a year.  After 3 years the first family will still have $15,000 in

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debt and paid $10,800 in interest. The other family will have $15,000 in
savings plus $2,250. Enough to pay for one of those little vacations. Which
financial situation do you want to have?

Successful People manage their finances, they appreciate recurring
revenue, and they see their personal finances just like a business man
sees his company: they make themselves profitable.

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Chapter 23 - Are Resilient!

“In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy,
struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable
obstacles and inequities of life.” - Albert Bandura

uccessful People have resilience... they bounce back from adversity.
Successful People don’t give up when times gets tough, they find a

way to navigate through the hard times. They personify the saying “when
the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Victor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who was imprisoned, tortured and
survived the Holocaust wrote a book entitled Mans Search for Meaning.
Recounting his experience he observes:

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked
through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread.
They  may  have  been  few  in  number,  but  they  offer  sufficient  proof  that
everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human
freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to
choose  one’s  own  way. And  there  were  always  choices  to  make.  Every
day,  every  hour,  offered  the  opportunity  to  make  a  decision,  a  decision
which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers
which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which
determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance,
renouncing  freedom  and  dignity  to  become  molded  into  the  form  of  the
typical  inmate.  Fundamentally,  therefore,  a  man  can,  even  under  such
circumstances, decide what shall become of him—mentally and spiritually.
He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp.”

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As Frankl reminds us, “Those who have a why to live, can bear with almost
any how.”

Frankl’s descriptions expand our understanding of the word Resilience. He
used it to find meaning in life. He explains why Successful People adopt and
hone this particular trait.

In the past few years, we have encountered the challenges of the most
significant recession of a lifetime.  80 percent of the population will echo
these  words:  “Business  is  bad  because  of  the  recession.”  “I  can’t  get
new  clients  because  of  the  recession.”    “I’ll  lose  my  house  because  of
the recession.” “I can’t make it economically because of the recession.”
Successful People, the other 20%, take hits like everyone else during these
times. But they hold their heads up and keep pushing through.

They rationalize each situation, finding the best that can be found in it. They
visualize a successful end to the economic turmoil and their place in that
success. The read all they can to help them understand the new realities
they  encounter  and  reaffirm  their  personal  belief  that  they  were  born  to
succeed in any times.  They associate pleasure with all that improves their
situation and pain with all that worsens it.  They want to be the best so they
set  their  goals…never  forgetting  to  help  others  attain  theirs  also.   They
think positive, turn off the TV and refuse to feel victimized.  They train their
brain to recognize improvement as pleasure, advancement as enjoyment.
They  have  fun,  care  for  and  respect  others,  and  understand  how  those
around  them  feel  and  communicate.    They  regard  the  challenge  of  the
times  as  a  blessing,  an  opportunity  to  unleash  their  unbridled  passion.
They opportunistically use these troubled times to rest, relax and recharge
their batteries for the better times to come.

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- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

Introduction by Dan Moody

hen Sam first told me of his plans for this book, he excitedly
explained that he intended to center the theme of the book on The

20 Adoptable Traits of Successful People, an area that he had learned,
observed and developed over his career in coaching elite athletes and
business leaders.

He knew that this topic would interest and excite me because I have been
using much of his earlier research findings on success in my own sales
training and in my business coaching practice. He also knew that it is a
topic that I have also spent a lot of time researching and developing, so
I  was  well  versed  and  could  make  a  number  of  contributions  to  a  book
on  this  topic.  However,  Sam  also  knew  that  my  knowledge  in  this  area
paled  in  comparison  to  the  depth  of  knowledge  of  Dr. Tony Alessandra.
Tony has been studying and writing about the attributes of success for 30
years and is considered an expert on the topic. He speaks on the topic and
consults with major companies all over the country teaching them and their
employees how to gain phenomenal increases in productivity and reach
greater levels of success.

So, we immediately agreed that we had to get Tony to collaborate with us
on this book.

After sitting down with Tony and laying out the idea for the book he was
immediately interested. He told us that he would gladly give us his thoughts
and make contributions to our original list of 20 traits. What also excited us
was when he told us that he had done some work over the past few years
identifying additional traits of highly successful people. He believed we
should include chapters on two additional traits, Flexibility and Versatility.

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Tony said he would be happy to write about these traits and include 20
workbook exercises that he had developed for each positive and negative
behavioral trait surrounding them.

Over the course of writing the book and integrating Tony’s phenomenal
contributions the three of us had numerous conversations about whether it
was best to expand the list of adoptable traits of successful people from 20
to 22, or, to treat them as a separate section.

After careful consideration we elected to make them a separate section
because  Tony  had  assembled  the  information  in  a  different  format  than
we had assembled our information.  Therefore his work deserved its own
section  of  the  book.  They  became  Success  Traits  #21  and  #22  in  the
upcoming chapters. We think the results turned out great. Not only is the
content that Tony contributed a perfect fit, but the workbook exercises are a
perfect complement to Sam’s interactive exercises contained in Part three
of this book.

I am confident that you will find the insights and thoughts by Tony on these
topics fascinating. Enjoy!

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapter 24- Flexibility

“An oak and a reed were arguing about their strength. When
a strong wind came up, the reed avoided being uprooted by
bending and leaning with the gusts of wind. But the oak
stood firm and was torn up by the roots” – Aesop”

“Success Trait #21”

n the next few chapters we’re going to focus on Flexibility, which
means being willing to engage in a range of behaviors not necessarily

characteristic of your usual ways of behaving, in order to be more effective
in a situation or in a relationship. The concept of flexibility, as it’s presented
in this book, was originally developed by Dr. Michael O’Connor and me in
the book People Smart.

Flexibility is your willingness to adapt. It’s having a positive attitude toward
adapting your behavior.

Being flexible, that is, willing to adapt your behavior in a given
situation, involves having these 5 Positive Behaviors:

1. Confidence

2. Tolerance

3. Empathy

4. Positiveness

5. Respect for others

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Because it’s important to be able to recognize negative behaviors in
your-self; and we all know that’s not easy – we’re also going to spend
some time identifying five negative behavioral characteristics that get
in the way of flexibility. They are:

1. Rigidity

2. Competition with others

3. Discontent

4. Being unapproachable

5. Having difficulty in dealing with ambiguity

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Of course, few of us are totally flexible, possessing all five positive traits,
or totally inflexible, possessing all five negative traits. Most of us fall
somewhere in between. Also, no one is consistent in their behavior all the
time. We vary our flexibility depending on the situation or the person we’re
dealing with.

As we learn more about each trait and what to do to strengthen the positive
ones and reduce the negative ones, think about how each one applies to
you. Research shows that people view themselves as more flexible than
they actually are. That’s because we all aspire to those positive behaviors,
and we judge ourselves on how we intend to act as well as on how we do
act. In other words, we tend to see ourselves through rose-colored glasses.
Try to take off those glasses and take a hard, cold look at the reality of how
you do act.

Flexibility involves your personal attitudes toward yourself, others, and the
situations you face. It indicates your degree of willingness to change your
perspective and/or your position, when it’s appropriate. The five negative
traits of flexibility indicate a tendency to be reactive to people, conditions,
or events. You respond out of fear or anxiety. These negative traits are
supported by predetermined views, conclusions, or patterns of behavior
that are non-negotiable. A person with these traits has a tendency to be
negative about what may occur, especially in ambiguous situations.

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Chapter 25 – Confidence

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Positive Flexibility Trait #1

he next 5 chapters focus on the five positive traits for flexibility, the
ones you want to cultivate.

Let’s begin with confidence.

Having  confidence  means  you  believe  in  yourself,  you  trust  your  own
judgment  and  resourcefulness.  In  his  many  books  on  self-esteem,  Dr.
Nathaniel  Branden  defines  self-esteem  as  the  sum  of  self-confidence
and  self-respect.  For  him,  self-confidence  is  knowing  that  you  have  the
wherewithal to function reasonably well in the world. You feel competent to
make choices, to satisfy your needs, to chart the course for your life.

Having confidence in specific situations, such as gaining influence with
someone, would flow from a general self-confidence about your ability to
meet life’s challenges.

Let’s look at two short scenarios – the context is the same for both.
Deborah Wilson is beginning her first day as co-director of marketing with
Harry Stern. Harry’s been the sole director up until now, but the company
likes Deborah’s ideas and wants the two of them to try working together.
Deborah walks into Harry’s office through the open door.

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Scenario One

Harry (gruffly): Didn’t my secretary tell you that I’m in a meeting right
now? If you’ll wait outside I’ll be able to see you in about an hour.

Deborah: Gosh, Harry, I’m sorry. I’ll wait outside until you’re ready to
see me.

Scenario Two

Harry (gruffly): Didn’t my secretary tell you that I’m in a meeting right
now? If you’ll wait outside I’ll be able to see you in about an hour.

Deborah: She didn’t mention it and I don’t want to interrupt your work,
but we need to set some priorities and work out an agenda. Have you
thought about a plan for how you and I can work on this transition to a
co-directorship? If you have anything for me to read, I’ll do that while
I’m waiting.

Which scenario seems to you to be Deborah’s best foot forward with this
guy Harry? Her response in scenario one might be viewed as adaptability
– she agreed to do what he wanted. But she caved in. That’s not what I
mean by adaptability.

In scenario two Deborah adapted to Harry’s gruff behavior by matching his
sense of confidence with her own. She might have been more polite if he’d
been. But her self-confidence, her sense that she could handle a tough first-
day-on-the-job situation, is what allowed her to make a strong response.
I’ll bet that the Deborah in scenario two would get Harry’s attention and
cooperation much faster than the Deborah in scenario one.

Let’s look at another scenario. In this one, the professor is telling the student
he did a good job.

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Scenario One

Professor: I liked your paper, John. It shows you really have a grasp
on Freud’s concept of the superego. You must have read a lot of his
work.

Student: Thanks, Professor Neddleman. I did, in fact, read most of
Freud’s early writings and everything I could get my hands on about
the superego. I’ve got another paper in the works.

Scenario Two

Professor: I liked your paper, John. It shows you really have a grasp
on Freud’s concept of the superego. You must have read a lot of his
work.

Student: I’m glad you liked it. I didn’t know if it was any good but I
tried to do the best I could. I may try to write another paper soon.

Which response do you think reinforced the student’s standing in the eyes
of the professor? The student in scenario two isn’t confident of his ability,
and it shows. A person who exhibits confidence, like the student in scenario
one, appreciates a sincere compliment and doesn’t brush it off. A confident
person is comfortable giving, and receiving, compliments.

He’s also able to handle criticism if it comes his way, because he basically
likes himself and knows that a single negative incident won’t change that.

Again, the point is that even the most confident person is going to get
some negative feedback once in a while. But the confident person doesn’t
let it diminish his or her self-esteem. Confidence in yourself gets built up
over time.

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- Confidence -

You can fake confidence, and you may need to at first, but real self-
confidence comes from a history of small victories and accomplishments
that add up to a sense that you can handle yourself well in most every
situation.

I suggest you take an inventory of the major accomplishments you’ve
achieved over the past few years. Then remind yourself of the minor ones,
too.

What about the computer course you completed? Have you built anything
that’s still standing? What about those kids you’re raising? That’s an
accomplishment! Don’t be modest.

Tell the truth about how hard you worked, what sacrifices you’ve made.
If you can’t think of any, then begin by congratulating yourself for living
as long as you have. Sheer survival is an accomplishment! Seriously, it
pays to take the time to know your strengths and appreciate them. What’s
unique about you? What skills do you bring to an organization or project
that you can count on?

Confidence is a fundamental trait for flexibility. It’s hard to be flexible when
you’re fearful, or easily intimidated. Confidence is indispensable if you want
to engage someone’s attention.

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CONFIDENCE PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more confident in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Confidence -

Chapter 26 – Tolerance

“What is tolerance? - it is the consequence of humanity. We
are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally
each other’s folly - that is the first law of nature”

- Voltaire

Positive Flexibility Trait #2

ositive flexibility trait number two is tolerance. Tolerance means you’re
open to accepting opinions and practices that are different from your

own. We can easily get images of people who are Intolerant of other people,
because of religious or political beliefs, or who differ in race, gender, or sexual
orientation. Those Intolerant folks may attract like-minded people, but they
don’t get the attention of a diverse audience.

We all grow up with stereotypes of people who are different from us. How
deeply embedded they are depends a lot on our upbringing. An early start
on tolerance for differences is a great gift a parent can give to a child. But
unfortunately we don’t all start out that way. Some of us have to learn tolerance
and get more skillful at it.

When Barbara Walker worked at Digital Equipment Corporation in the eighties,
she was the manager of international diversity. She developed a five-step
training approach for the employees of DEC, which we can look at as one set
of guidelines for developing greater tolerance.

Her program began with a direct look at stereotypes. Every group began with
an examination of their own stereotypes. I’ll try a few of the questions with you.
I’ll start a sentence and you finish it with three or four descriptive adjectives.
Just let the words come. Don’t try to censor them. Ready?

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Native Americans are.....

African Americans are....

White people are....

Hispanics are...

Asian Americans are...

People with a Texas accent are...

People from California are...

People who don’t finish high school are....

People with AIDS are...

People who stutter are...

Men with long ponytails are...

Did  you  discover  that  you’re  holding  some  negative  stereotypes  about
certain groups of people? It’s easy to see how holding negative attitudes
toward  people  prevents  you  from  being  flexible  with  them.  And,  that
intolerance  then  extends  beyond  the  usual  stereotypes  to  closely  held
assumptions about values, and ways of seeing the world.

After working to identify people’s stereotypes, Barbara Walker moves to
step two, which has to do with basic assumptions.

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If Person A sees only one way of putting a new product together and Person
B has an entirely different approach, they may be intolerant of each other.
Or they may find, as Walker teaches, that it’s okay to disagree. People learn
not to automatically rule out another way of looking at something. Learning
to tolerate differences means that each person slows down to listen to the
other. Through the process of not being afraid to disagree, people can open
up a dialogue that leads to greater creativity for everybody.

I know a useful exercise you might try when you’re engaged in a difficult
conversation, called Monk’s Feedback. It goes like this:

Person A states his position. Person B restates A’s position and then states
her own.

Person A has to restate B’s position before he goes on to reply to it, and so on.

I guarantee this exercise lowers the intensity of emotional conversations
and helps each side to see the other’s points.

In the third step of Walker’s work, she has the workshop participants
actively search out people they feel are different from them. They must
build relationships with these people and keep the differences in mind.

The fourth step involves learning how to deepen one’s sense of tolerance
for differences by talking about them within those relationships. People
are especially encouraged to talk about how they feel victimized by those
differences.

And the fifth step in Walker’s program is to come full-circle back to the
stereotypes of groups and talk more freely about them. But this is only after
each person has created a real relationship with someone who they regard
as different.

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- Tolerance -

This whole process is designed to open the participants up to the value
of differences and to empower them to feel comfortable enough to talk
about them.

Remember that flexibility means that you’re willing to adapt your behavior.
You’re less apt to do that with an intolerant attitude toward the other person.
Intolerance is a double-edged sword. It may keep those people you don’t
like at a distance. But it isolates you within a minority group (everybody
belongs to some minority; even white, heterosexual male is a minority).
We’re in a world that’s increasingly recognizing the values of cultural, racial,
and gender diversity.

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TOLERaNCE PLaNNING GUIDE

What do I need to do to become more tolerant in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Tolerance -

Chapter 27 – Empathy

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you
did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”
– Bonnie Jean Wasmund

Positive Flexibility Trait # 3

mpathy is the third positive flexibility trait. The root of the word
empathy is pathos – the Greek word for feeling sympathy means

acknowledging the feelings of someone else, as in “I sympathize with
you.” Empathy is a term for a deeper feeling. It means, “I feel what you
feel. I can put myself in your shoes.” Sympathy results in kindness and
sometimes pity. Empathy results in actually feeling the pain, or the joy,
of the other person.

You can see how the willingness to be flexible comes more easily when
you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy is a key skill
taught in negotiating. William Ury, in his book Getting Past No, makes
the point that every human being has a deep need for his or her feelings
to be recognized. Knowing this can help tremendously in a difficult
negotiation by creating a climate for agreement.

Ury counsels that it’s important to acknowledge both the factual point and
the feelings of the other person. He uses the example of an employee
approaching a boss.

The employee says: “I just found out Dale makes $2,000 more a year
than  I  do  for  the  same  job.”  Trying  to  explain  why  Dale  makes  more
money,  even  if  the  reason  is  a  good  one,  only  makes  the  employee
angrier.  Instead,  you  must  acknowledge  the  fact  and  the  feelings

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first: “You think we’re taking advantage of you and you’re angry. I can
understand that. I’d probably feel the same way.”

That isn’t what an angry person expects. By acknowledging the employee’s
feelings, you’ve helped him calm down. His next statement might be: “Well,
why shouldn’t I make as much as Dale does?” That shows he’s ready to
hear your explanation.

The feeling of empathy is much easier to come by when you care about the
other person and take the time to feel what they’re feeling. In the worlds of
business, politics, or the professions, that feeling of empathy may not come
as easily.

Remember the encounter we heard earlier between Harry Stern and
Deborah Wilson? She had just shown up to take over her assignment as
co-director of marketing with Harry. Harry had seemed less than pleased
to see her. In the next scenario, the two actually sit down in Harry’s office
and his first words are:

Harry: Frankly, Deborah, I don’t think you’re ready for this job.

Now, Deborah could respond a number of ways. We know she has self-
confidence. But does that get translated into confrontation? Let’s look at a
couple of different possibilities:

Scenario One

Harry: Frankly, Deborah, I don’t think you’re ready for this job.

Deborah: Let me remind you, Harry, that headquarters assigned me
to this job because they felt I had something to offer. I expect your
cooperation. If you don’t, I’ll submit a letter for your file.

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Scenario Two

Harry: Frankly, Deborah, I don’t think you’re ready for this job.

Deborah: I understand your concern, Harry, because I know how
committed you are to the success of the department. If I were you,
I might be worried about whether I was turning my baby over to
someone who wasn’t ready to take responsibility for it. But I wouldn’t
be here if I wasn’t ready. And I want to benefit as much as I can from
your experience.

The two scenarios capture two different confident responses from Deborah,
but the second one adds the dimension of empathy for Harry that’s missing
from the first one.

These scenarios, by the way, are adapted from an audio program by Lee
Bolman and Terry Deal called Reframing in Action. Their point is that no
matter how gruff or rude a person may be toward you, you can usually
come up with a way to meet those emotions and flow with them, rather than
attack them head on.

All the great teachers of empathy for others start with the same point: You
cannot truly feel the pain or the joy or the emotion of another until and unless
you’re able to feel the same thing in yourself. Do you acknowledge your own
pain? Can you feel your own joy? Real empathy lies in simply finding the
same thing within your-self that the other person is experiencing. You might
not have had exactly the same experience, but you’ve known the sadness
of loss, or the anger of feeling cheated, or the sense of righteousness at
injustice.

Some of us don’t take the time to feel our own feelings, so when someone
else expresses a feeling, we don’t have much to refer to. Let me give you

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- Emphaty -

another tip. Sometimes we can share a deep feeling vicariously through
reading a great novel or seeing a powerful movie. If you’re on a steady diet
of action movies, they don’t usually dwell on individual feelings. You might
want to take the time to broaden your reading and viewing habits.

Men are being encouraged to express and share their feelings more these
days through the efforts of Robert Bly and others. And, not just their soft
vulnerable feelings, but feelings of anger and frustration as well. You might
be concerned that expressing a caring approach toward another person
will result in the other person manipulating you.

This isn’t about abdicating your own needs or point of view. It simply means
that you’re able to step into the shoes of another and acknowledge their
feelings. Having that ability is an asset.

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EMPaTHY PLaNNNG GUIDE

What do I need to do to become more empathetic to the feelings and situations of others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Emphaty -

Chapter 28 – Positiveness

“You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the
positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your
frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable
determination.” - Ralph Marston

Positive Flexibility Trait #4

he next trait is positiveness. It means maintaining a state of positive
expectations about people and situations, including a positive state

of energy in your thoughts and emotional patterns. Dr. Norman Vincent
Peale’s book, The Power of Positive Thinking, was published over forty
years ago, and it continues to sell well because it contains such a universal
truth: the attitudes we hold help shape the reality we experience.

Having a positive attitude isn’t something you just tack on to your old
personality. That positiveness isn’t external, like a new suit. It comes from
deep within you. It has to, or it would get wiped out with the first sign of
a countervailing negative force. Positiveness is built on having your own
positive life philosophy, on knowing what strengths you have, and on
surrounding yourself with other sources of positiveness.

Many of us haven’t taken the time to consider what our own life philosophy
is. If you haven’t, it doesn’t mean you don’t have one. You’re just operating
from it unconsciously.

By life philosophy, I mean, in simple terms, something like:

“I know I’m here to live up to my potential, make a contribution to society,
and have a good time.” Someone else might say: “I’m here to serve God

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through being of service to my fellow human beings.” Another philosophy
might be: “I’m here to show others that despite physical handicaps, you can
lead a productive life and enjoy what you have.”

Your personal philosophy can contain a vision such as:

“I’m  here  to  save  the  planet  from  environmental  destruction.”  Or,  “I’m  a
valuable member of a company that’s improving the way human beings
communicate with one another.” Your philosophy acknowledges who you
are and what your purpose is for being alive. A truly positive philosophy,
one  that’s  motivating,  encompasses  more  than  just  you.  Again,  if  you
haven’t  formulated  one,  your  unconscious  personal  philosophy  might
sound something like:

“I’m here to make it through the day, day after day, until I die.” Or, “I’m here
to grab as much as I can of material possessions and thrills, because you
only live once.” Having a well-articulated personal philosophy gives you a
sense of purpose, and it can help you get through rough times as well.

The second aspect of positiveness comes from knowing what strengths
you have to build on to achieve that life philosophy. This involves taking a
personal inventory about your talents and skills and also what you like to
do. Ideally, we’d all like to make a living or spend our time doing what we
love. The people who come the closest to that are those who actually take
the time to figure out what they love doing. Then you figure out what skills
you have and which ones you need and take a step closer to matching
your ideal life’s work with the reality of your work life. Having a positive life
philosophy and knowing what strengths you have to build on will only get
you so far.

The third aspect of positiveness is surrounding your-self with other sources

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of the same energy. Occasionally we hear stories of people who struggle
against great odds, prove the naysayers wrong, and achieve the nearly
impossible.

They turn around a defunct company, they stop a highway from going
through virgin land, they bring out a new product line in record time, or they
beat the odds on terminal cancer. By definition, they had to have had a
positive philosophy to get them there and they had to know what they could
do themselves and what they needed to get from others.

Those stories rarely mention the fact that those people always had some
other source of positive energy outside themselves that kept them going.
Most likely it was other people they could rely on for support – other people
who were also positive about their ability to succeed. Perhaps they were
also motivated by the example of some historical figure. Perhaps they drew
strength from a spiritual source.

The point is they didn’t do it alone. They needed to be embedded in some
sort of supportive, positive context that recharged them when their own
batteries were running low.

Ideally, you’ve surrounded yourself with the kinds of people who exhibit the
positive traits we’re talking about. Try to avoid the two-dimensional folks
who tend toward the negative traits we discussed earlier – the ones who
see things as either/or, right or wrong, and don’t care to entertain any other
thoughts. These people don’t help recharge, they drain you.

Ever since Dr. Peale introduced his formulation of positive thinking,
we’ve been hearing the notion of “having a positive attitude” from every
motivational book and speaker you could name. It’s not that we don’t need
to be reminded once in a while to get out of a negativity rut. We do. But the

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- Positiveness -

way “positive attitude” is sometimes presented is like buying a new outfit or
getting a haircut. Just go out and do it.

How? I hope in this brief discussion I’ve given you the beginnings of a
deeper understanding of the How. It begins inside you with a positive life
philosophy, a positive sense of who you are and what you bring to the table
of life. And it requires that you embed yourself in a context of positiveness
– to tap sources beyond yourself. If this trait isn’t already in your repertoire,
then begin here. The trait of positiveness is so attractive that other people
will be drawn to you. That, in turn, will help you to develop the other positive
traits of confidence, tolerance, and empathy that we’ve discussed.

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POSITIVENESS PLaNNING GUIDE

What do I need to do to become more positive in the way I interact with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Positiveness -

Chapter 29 - Respect for
Others

“There is no respect for others without humility in one’s self”
- Henri Frederic Amiel

Positive Flexibility Trait #5

he fifth positive flexibility trait we’ll consider is respect for others. For
me that goes beyond the Golden Rule. You remember the Golden

Rule? “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” It’s been
around for 2,000 years and still has a solid reputation as a rule to live by.
I like to add what I call The Platinum Rule, which says:

“Do unto others

as they want to be done unto.” The Platinum Rule helps us to avoid the
possible conflicts the Golden Rule could unintentionally set up.

Let me explain. When you treat others as you want to be treated, you can
end up offending others who have different needs, wants, and expectations
than you. Following the Golden Rule verbatim means treating others from
your point of view. That means you naturally tend to speak in the way you
are most comfortable listening; or sell the way you like to be sold to; or
manage the way you like others to direct you.

When you treat people as you seek to be treated, it can cause tension.
Why? Because the other person may not like your way. That brings us to
the second reason the Golden Rule can actually damage relationships: it
implies that all people wanted to be treated the same when, in fact, our
preferences are not all alike. So the application of this principle varies from
one individual to the next, based on their personality differences.

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The trait of “respect for others” can be narrowly interpreted as “live and let
live.” That philosophy is giving way to a larger interpretation that breaks
down the old “us and them” mentality and leads us to the conclusion that
there’s only “us.” The fall of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Soviet-
American Cold War have caused a lot of confusion and disorganization in
the world. A world built on “us” and “them” was easier to understand before
those events.

But ever since the space program has been beaming back pictures of one
world, one earth, many of us have come to an inescapable conclusion: there
is only us. Whether or not you’re ready to accept that on a philosophical
or moral level, the fact is inescapable from a political and economic
perspective. The environmental crisis is the best example. No one country
or region can solve it alone. The simple aphorism of “Have respect for
others” is turning out not only to be a moral imperative but a necessity for
survival as well.

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RESPECTFULNESS PLaNNING GUIDE

What do I need to do to become more respectful of the views and perspectives of others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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Conclusions – Positive Traits

he five positive traits of flexibility we’re considering are necessary not
only for your day-to-day dealings with other people, but they’re also

traits that we all need to cultivate as a basis for a new living arrangement in
the 21

century. A living arrangement that recognizes that we’re one people,

living on one planet. It’s clear that the values of competition and individual
achievement can only take us so far. They need to be balanced with the
bedrock values of cooperation and concern for the whole. Many people
have come to see how foolish it is to try to have one set of moral values one
day of the week and then to operate from a totally different set the rest of
the week. We need to be consistently ourselves, seven days a week. How
much better would you feel if you were more consistently confident about
yourself? More tolerant of the differences and diversity among people? If
you had more empathy for the pain of others? If you more often than not
sourced your strength in the positive rather than the negative? And if your
respect for people extended to caring about if they were being treated well
by you? Having these positive traits puts you strongly in the position of
being willing to adapt your behavior to meet the needs of others, as well as
yourself, and that’s what flexibility is all about.

Be Flexible.

In the next chapter we will look at the negative behavioral traits of
Flexibility.

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Chapter 30 – Rigidity

“A system doesn’t necessarily mean rigid structure, but it
means setting up organization that works for you.”
- Sue Shipman

Negative Flexibility Trait #1

n the next 5 chapters we will cover the five negative flexibility traits that
get in the way of any attempt you make towards adaptability. The first of

the five is rigidity.

Rigidity can be described as holding the attitude: My way or the highway.
It can also be disguised in such sayings as: “That’s just the way it is,” or
“Those are the rules” or “That’ll never work.” Do those kinds of sayings ever
come from your mouth? Those statements are indicative of a kind of mental
paralysis in which no new information is being allowed in.

Extremely rigid people are easy to spot – and I assume none of them
would be reading a book with a chapter on adaptability. When I think of an
extremely rigid person, the general played by Jack Nicholson in A Few Good
Men comes to mind.

The kind of rigidity I’d like to focus on comes in more subtle forms. It can be
cloaked in a variety of ways that appear attractive – on the surface. You may
value the fact that you’re a high achiever, a perfectionist, a take-charge or no-
nonsense person. And you should take pride in your accomplishments. But an
inflexible, rigid attitude can get in the way of even greater accomplishments
and a larger sphere of influence. Maybe you pride yourself on being cautious;
you don’t like to leap before you look carefully. That’s fine, except when your
caution turns into an aversion to taking any risks at all.

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Maybe you believe that you know the best way to get from Point A to Point
B, or the best way to make a barbecued steak, or the best way to solve the
recycling problems in your community. Everyone wants you on their committee
- except when it turns out that “the best way” is the only way you know how to
do that particular thing, and you’re not willing to learn anything new about it.

One of the things we can say with certainty about life is that everything
changes. It’s a task for all of us to keep figuring out where we need to hold
the line on what we know and where we need to let go of the rigidity that
keeps us from learning new things.

The fact is that, at least since the beginning of the decade, there’s been
a  greater  emphasis  on  the  value  of  collaboration,  cooperation,  and
interdependent networks of people. Who would have ever thought that arch
rivals  IBM  and Apple  Computer  would  ever  collaborate?  But  they  have!
Remember  the  hi-tech  commercials  during  the  Super  Bowls  in  the  mid-
eighties? Everyone watched to see what new outrageous ad Apple had
come up with to sling at IBM. They weren’t just rivals, they were enemies.
Then they began to see the value of collaboration – at least to the point of
being able to work on joint projects.

More and more companies are seeing the value of breaking up departments
that used to compete against each other. Instead, they’re putting people
into teams with shared leadership and a mandate to cooperate with each
other. As those companies move from a hierarchical structure to one that’s
team-based, you hear the same lament over and over: “Some of the people
who’ve been around here for a while can’t seem to make the transition.
They’re too ‘set in their ways.’ They have too much of the old ‘command
and control’ style in their veins.”

If you suspect that you may have an underlying layer of rigidity in your

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personality that prevents you from being flexible where flexibility would be
an asset, here are some tips:

First and foremost, concentrate on listening to what others have to say –
go beyond passive listening, that is, just hearing the words. Learn what’s
known as active listening, where you do more than simply pay attention.
Active listening means you suspend your judgments about what the other
person is saying while you listen. Active listening means that you are so
clear about what the other person is saying that you could paraphrase it
back to them in a way they would agree that’s what they said.

However, being willing to listen without making judgments takes work. You
can tell you’re not doing it when little thoughts like “That’s crazy,” or “She
doesn’t know what she’s talking about” pop up in your head as you listen.
But if you’re able to achieve the ability to listen first, and then decide how
you feel about something, much more information and new insight will filter
into your brain. That’s because the rigid guard at the door of your mind has
been asked to take a break.

Another way to combat rigidity is to admit a mistake when you’ve made one.
That’s so easy to say, and so hard to do! Start by admitting it to yourself,
“Darn it, I made a mistake!” That’s the first step. Some rigid people can’t
even do that much. The next step is to say it out loud to someone who’s
affected by that mistake, “Sorry, but it looks like I’ve made a mistake here.”

And one more tip: remember that in many things, the process is as important
as the goal. How you arrive at a result in a work project, or on a community
committee or in your family affects everyone involved. And the process has
a direct impact on the success of the next undertaking. Your ability to be
flexible – to let go of rigid expectations, to allow for disagreements – are
measures of your maturity in those situations.

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- Rigidity -

RIGIDITY PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become less rigid in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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Chapter 31 - Competition
with Others

“Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies”
- Gore Vidal

Negative Flexibility Trait #2

he second negative trait we’ll look at is competition with others. You
might be tempted to say: “What’s wrong with a little competition?”

Nothing’s wrong with it. It’s healthy. But, when your need to compete, and
be superior to someone else, it gets in the way of the best possible outcome
for both of you – that’s when competition becomes a liability. I’m talking
about the kind of person who always needs to be “one up” on other people.

A person who lives his life in competition with everyone – and we all know
someone like that – might be admired for his achievements, but he doesn’t
get the freely-given attention and support of others. A person who exudes
the message: “I’m smarter (or prettier, or richer, or more committed) than
you are,” doesn’t garner people’s trust. That’s because the message is
clearly about “Me first.”

Willingness to be flexible means that occasionally you’re not Number One.
You may need to take a backseat to a colleague who’s trying something
innovative. You may need to compromise in a negotiation. Maybe the fact
that you’re the best salesperson of the month every month prevents other
people from even trying.

Does your level of competitiveness get in the way of relationships? If you
play a one-on-one sport such as tennis or racquetball, do you always play

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to win, to beat the other person? If you play board games or video games
with your children, is it more important to win than to have fun?

On the one hand, it seems as though we’re being pushed to be more
competitive. Many of us work for companies that are in fierce marketing
battles with global competition. There are fewer tax dollars to go around,
fewer jobs in many industries.

Yet the paradox is the solutions we’re finding to those problems involve
not more competition, but more collaboration. The Apple-IBM example we
used earlier is but one small example.

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COMPETITION PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become less competitive in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

- Competition with Others -

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Chapter 32 – Discontent

“Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor”
– Benjamin Franklin

Negative Flexibility Trait #3

he next characteristic that prevents flexibility is discontent. I’m talking
about people who are just never positive or completely happy about

anything – the nay-sayers, the fault-finders – who’ve decided that their
mission in life is to tell you the glass is half-empty, in case you missed it. In
more vernacular terms they are called complainers, whiners, wet blankets.

One possible reason for this type of inflexible behavior is that they have
set high standards for themselves and no one, including the people
themselves, measures up. They pride themselves on being able to analyze
things critically, to bring a discerning eye to the table. But someone whose
primary response is fault-finding, who seems discontented with almost
everything, will get little cooperation and respect from others.

Let’s take a look at a scenario where Bill shows his new graphic design for
a book jacket to his colleagues, one by one.

Bill: Hey, George. Can I show you this cover I’ve designed for the
Clancy book?

George: Sure, let’s see it. [BRIEF PAUSE] Hmmm. I basically think it’s
okay. But at first glance, I can’t make out what the image is. I have to
study it for a couple seconds. I think a powerful, clear image for the
cover would work better.

Bill: Thanks, okay. I’ll check with some other folks.

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Bill: Candace, have you got a minute to look at this design for the
Clancy book?

Candace: Sure, Bill. Let me see it. [PAUSE] Well, I like the color
choices, but somehow the picture doesn’t go with the title. I have to
stop and think about why something that looks like a traffic jam goes
with a spy title.

Bill: Uh, that’s about the same as George’s response. It’s helpful.
Thanks.

Bill: Hey, Susan. Can I get your feedback on this jacket design?

Susan: Sure. Let’s see it. [PAUSE] Uh, I don’t think it works at all.
It just doesn’t communicate anything to me. Color’s all wrong. Why
even use an image? I’d start from scratch if I were you.

Which of those three people do you think Bill will go back to next time
for feedback? All three were negative; nobody really liked his design. But
George and Candace gave negative responses with helpful insights –
something to go on, like using a better image, one that goes more with the
title of the book. Susan simply found fault. There was nothing constructive
about her criticism.

If you think that there’s a fault-finder lurking within your personality, ask some
people close to you who’ll give you honest feedback. If your suspicions are
confirmed – “Yes, you can be a wet blanket at times” – “Yes, people are
afraid to share their tentative ideas with you for fear of getting them picked
apart” – then let me give you a couple of tips.

First, develop the habit of saying something positive before you say
anything negative. A friend of mine was in a phase where she loved to say

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negative things about other people. Developing the ability to think critically
is fine, but I thought she was going a bit too far. So I suggested to her that
when she wanted to tell me about someone, she had to start by telling me
one good thing about the person. She picked up the idea right away and
hopefully has learned to see people with a more balanced perspective.

You’ll have to make a conscious effort at first if your tendency is to just point
out flaws. But if you really do think to yourself “say something positive”
before you open your mouth, eventually it’ll become a habit. Sometimes
you may have to really stretch to find something good to say.

But again, I’m stressing that the way you engage, and the way you
communicate, is every bit as important as the gist of what you say. Starting
with the negative often stops the flow of a process. If you’re willing to be
flexible about how you present your feedback, other people will be much
more open to sharing your high standards.

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- Discontent -

DISCONTENT PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I eliminate my tendency to express discontent in my interpersonal transactions

with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapter 33 - Being
Unapproachable

“We depend on each other and as a result, we need to make
ourselves accessible and approachable to people. We’re not
islands and can’t expect to succeed on any level without
connecting to people.” – unknown

Negative Flexibility Trait #4

he fourth negative flexibility trait is being unapproachable. No one who
wants to improve their relationships or gain influence with others would

want to be described as “unapproachable.” Yet sometimes we hear:

“Don’t come to me with a problem if you don’t have a solution.” Or, “I’m only
interested in what works.” The attitude behind those kinds of statements is: Don’t
bother me unless it’s worth my time and corresponds to what I already believe.
Not exactly conducive to collaboration!

Being outright unapproachable is one thing. If you make it known you really don’t
want people coming around, you’ll get what you ask for. But you may think that
doesn’t apply to you, yet you could be putting out “unapproachable” messages
in more subtle ways. You could always be so busy that anyone who comes to
you feels they’re not getting your full attention. Co-workers and employees may
then perceive you as being swamped with too much work, so that they’ll bring
only the most important items to your attention. This may result in your knowing
less about what’s happening than if you had made yourself more approachable.

Another subtle “unapproachable” style comes from people who seem to live from
crisis to crisis. If you know that every time you engage Mary in a conversation,

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you’ll hear about the latest problem or tragedy in her life, you’ll probably avoid her.

How about people who don’t take the time to have an acceptable level of personal
appearance? They might have dirty hair or clothes that don’t fit them well. These
folks often find themselves cut off from social discourse.

Another way to make people want to avoid you is if you talk too much. I’ll steer
clear of you if I know that every time I say “Hi” I’ll be subjected to at least a five-
minute monologue.

So there are various ways to establish your-self as unapproachable. The most
common way is to set up a lot of conditions about what kinds of things you’re
willing to entertain and how they should be presented to you.

Another way to do it is to be so preoccupied with your own needs that anyone
approaching you either gets short shrift or gets a full dose of your problems. A
third way is just to make yourself so physically unappealing that no one wants to
be around you. And another sure-fire turnoff is to talk too much, especially about
your-self.

The antidotes to these problems should be clear. You need to cultivate a style
that says “open,” not “closed.” You need to give your full attention to the other
person when they’re approaching you with their needs. All of this behavior
adaptation takes conscious effort. You can’t change old patterns in a day. But
you can change. You just might have to do something uncharacteristic, like
reaching out and asking someone how she’s doing, or what’s on her mind.

Each of the negative traits we discussed so far has to do with lowering barriers
to communication and setting up an environment where relationships can grow
and thrive. Besides making life easier, all of this will serve to increase your
effectiveness with the people around you.

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LaCK OF aPPROaCHaBILITY

PLaNNING GUIDE

How could I be more approachable in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Being Unapproachable -

Chapter 34 - Difficulty
Dealing with Ambiguity

“The creative person is willing to live with ambiguity. He
doesn’t need problems solved immediately and can afford to
wait for the right ideas” - Abe Tannenbaum

Negative Flexibility Trait #5

he last negative flexibility trait is having difficulty in dealing with
ambiguity. “Ambiguous” means having several possible meanings,

interpretations, or outcomes. Some people don’t like ambiguous situations
where new variables can pop up any time, or where novel outcomes emerge
rather than being designed from the beginning. It has to be either/or - One
way or the other. They get nervous in the face of the unknown. They’ll say:
“Let’s nail this down” or “Let’s choose one and go for it,” before an idea has
been fully developed. Sometimes that approach may be necessary. But
rigid people like to get closure – on one meaning, one interpretation, and
one outcome – as early as possible. And often that approach leaves out
the contributions of other people. It certainly leaves out the possibility of
novelty and serendipity.

Let’s look at another scenario, where Suzanne is in charge of an important
corporate meeting.

Leonard: Suzanne, how are the plans going for the meeting?

Suzanne: Horrible. I don’t have an exact number of attendees – there
could be as few as 18 people or as many as 30. The keynote speaker
isn’t arriving until two hours before the meeting because he’s coming

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from another engagement, and I don’t know if the chairman of the
board is going to speak at the beginning or end of the day.

Leonard: What about the basic agenda and the handouts and all that?

Suzanne: Oh, those things are all taken care of.

Leonard: So, the rest of it sounds like details. Plan lunch for 30, have
someone meet the speaker at the airport, and let the chairman play it
by ear.

Suzanne: Easy for you to say. I’d like to have the whole thing set, cut
‘n dried, scheduled from minute one.

Leonard: It sounds to me like you’ve done your job well. Why don’t you
just relax and let a little ambiguity into the picture? Something novel
could happen. Those meetings are usually pretty boring, you know.

Suzanne: I guess I have to let go of what I can’t control, but it’s not
by choice.

We can all appreciate Suzanne’s feeling of responsibility in this story. She
has to make sure the event will go smoothly. But having everything “cut ‘n
dried” as she said would probably take any feeling of ease and spontaneity
out of the meeting. In this case, “cut ‘n dried” means over-controlled,
everything’s “nailed down.” As her co-worker remarked, it’s a formula for
boring.

We’re all being asked to tolerate more ambiguity these days. Technology
is changing the nature of the work we do, or in some cases, whether we
have any work to do. For the past twenty years, we’ve been experiencing
tremendous ambiguity in gender roles – what it means to be a man, what
it means to be a woman.

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If you’re in a role of leadership or responsibility, there’s no doubt you must
make room for surprises and uncertain outcomes. Imagine being told in
1962 that the Soviets had nuclear missiles positioned on Cuba aimed at
the United States, and that they might fire them, or they might not.

John F. Kennedy faced that ambiguity. Imagine yourself on March 9, 1965,
leading several thousand demonstrators in a march for civil rights in Selma,
Alabama, where only two days earlier, hundreds of people had been beaten
and attacked by police dogs for doing the same thing. Martin Luther King,
Jr. faced a very ambiguous situation.

Fortunately, most of us don’t have to deal with that level of uncertainty.
If you’re a person who has trouble dealing with ambiguity, you like to do
routine things with familiar people who behave in traditional ways. Changes
and surprises make you uncomfortable because they alter the routine.

If you recognize yourself in this discussion and feel that developing a
greater tolerance for ambiguity would allow you the flexibility you’d like to
have, here are some tips:

Begin to stretch yourself a bit by taking on different duties and activities
beyond your comfort level. In other words, consciously introduce some
novelty and ambiguity into your life. Avoid doing things the same way every
time.

Realize that there’s almost always more than one way to accomplish a
task. When you encounter a situation that has several possible outcomes,
don’t try to avoid it. Take the time to consider each possible outcome, from
the most optimistic to the most pessimistic.

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- Difficulty Dealing with Ambiguity -

aMBIGUITY PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more tolerant in ambiguity in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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Conclusions – Negative Flexibility Traits

Rigidity, competition with others, discontent, being unapproachable, having
difficulty dealing with ambiguity. Each of these negative traits supports a
basic unwillingness to be flexible.

Oftentimes, when a process is allowed to follow its own course, it turns out
better than any one individual, controlling the situation, would have been
able to force it to do. That doesn’t mean, of course, that you can just sit
back, let go of control, and passively watch things go by.

- Difficulty Dealing with Ambiguity -

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Chapter 35 – Versatility

“Does it not appear to you versatility is the true and rare
characteristic of that rare thing called genius”

- Mary Russell Mitford

“Success Trait #22”

n the next few chapters we’re going to focus on versatility, which
means being able to engage in a range of behaviors not necessarily

characteristic of your usual ways of behaving, in order to be more effective
in a situation or in a relationship.

The concept of versatility, as it’s presented in this book, was developed by
Dr. Michael O’Connor and me in our earlier book titled People Smart.

Versatility is your ability to adapt. “Ability” means you’re able to do it.
Versatility is an “aptitude” for adapting your behavior.

Versatility – the ability to adapt your behavior involves the following
Positive Characteristics:

1. Resiliency

2. Vision

3. Attentiveness

4. Competency

5. Self-correction

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The downside of versatility – the characteristics of the folks who can’t
adapt their behavior involves the following Negative Characteristics:

1. Subjectiveness

2. Bluntness

3. Resistance

4. Single-mindedness

5. Taking unreasonable risks

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Few of us are totally versatile; that is, possessing all five positive
traits, or totally not versatile; that is, possessing all five negative traits.
Most of us fall somewhere in between. Also, no one is consistent in
their behavior all the time. We vary our versatility depending on the
situation or the person we’re dealing with. As we learn more about
each trait and what to do to strengthen the positive ones and reduce
the negative ones, think about how each one applies to you.

Research shows that people view themselves as more versatile than
they actually are. That’s because we all aspire to portray those positive
behaviors and we judge ourselves on how we intend to act as well as
on how we do act. In other words, we tend to see ourselves through
rose-colored glasses. Try to take off those glasses and take a hard,
cold look at the reality of how you do act.

Versatility  involves  a  set  of  personal  aptitudes  that  are  distinctly
different  from  simply  being  willing  to  adapt.  Many  people  are  willing
to  modify  their  behaviors,  but  they  lack  the  required  set  of  abilities.
People  with  low  versatility  opt  for  maintaining  routine  ways  of  doing
things  –  and  then  they’re  stuck  with  the  consequences  as  change
passes them by.

Versatility is something we acquire over time, through a variety of
resources. These include formal education, daily life experiences, and
observations of others who demonstrate versatile behaviors. It means
approaching interpersonal situations as a new opportunity for learning
and growing. And it means making a conscious effort to change some
of our habitual behaviors and knee-jerk reactions.

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- Versatility -

Attitudes such as “It’s my way or the highway” or “It’ll never work” can
become deeply ingrained as a part of our basic personalities without
us being conscious of it.

The five positive versatility traits are resilience, vision, attentiveness,
competence, and self-correction. Let’s look at them one by one and as
we do, try to assess – honestly assess – how much of each ability you
possess. We’ll start with resilience in the next chapter.

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Chapter 36 – Resilience

“In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy,
to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable
obstacles and inequities of life” - Albert Bandura

Positive Versatility Trait #1

n terms of versatility, resilience means knowing how to cope in spite of
setbacks, barriers, or limited resources. Resilience is a measure of how

much you want something and how much you’re willing, and able, to overcome
obstacles to get it. It has to do with your emotional strength. For instance, how
many cold calls can you make in a row that all turn out to be “no thank you?”

Remember Abraham Lincoln? You wouldn’t, if he had given up. In 1832 he was
defeated for the state legislature. Then he was elected to it in 1834. In 1838
he was defeated for speaker of the state house. In 1840 he was defeated for
elector. Lincoln ran for Congress in 1843 and guess what – he was defeated.
He was elected to Congress in 1846 and then lost for re-election in 1849. He
ran for U.S. Senate in 1855 and was defeated. In 1856 he was defeated for
Vice-President.

He ran again for the U.S. Senate in 1858 and lost. And in 1860, Abraham
Lincoln was elected President of the United States – one of the best ones
we’ve ever had – but only after eight major setbacks. That’s resilience!

Your challenge to stay resilient may not be quite the size of Abe Lincoln’s. You
might be working on making a sales quota when 90% of your prospects say
“no.”

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You might be pushing for a change in a local zoning ordinance and you
have to fight city hall. You might be trying to get your coworkers to recycle
paper in order to save money and trees.

When you’re up against obstacles, you can either maintain your resilience –
or cave in to defeat. We’re all pretty resilient when we’re little. We fall down
and pick ourselves up again. The tent we make with sheets and cardboard
gets blown apart by the wind and we put it back together again. Someone
says we can’t go to the park because it’s raining, and we find something
else to do. But somewhere along the way, we start to develop a rigidity
toward the unexpected, and then toward change in general. We lose our
ability to shift course or to try something else. We lose our resilience.

In his book, A Whack on the Side of the Head, Roger von Oech tells the
story of when he was a sophomore in high school; his English teacher put a
small chalk circle on the blackboard and asked the class what it was. After
a few seconds, someone answered: “A chalk circle on a blackboard.”

No one else had anything else to say, since the drawing had obviously
been named.

The teacher told the class: “I’m surprised at you. I did the same exercise
with a group of kindergartners yesterday and they thought of 50 things the
chalk mark could be: an owl’s eye, a cigarette butt, the top of a telephone
pole, a pebble, a squashed bug, and so on.”

The lesson the teacher was giving was clear. As we grow older, we lose
the ability to imagine alternatives. And the ability to imagine alternatives is
crucial when you’ve received a setback, or something doesn’t work and
you need to find another approach.

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Another reason we lose resilience is because we stop playing games. We
stop playing board games, unless it’s to entertain our kids. We stop playing
basketball or baseball with our friends. Whether it’s checkers or volleyball,
games teach us to stay open to new situations. One-on-one sports like
tennis and racquetball can teach us resilience because we constantly have
to react to the unexpected – to our partner’s next move. And that’s good
training for life in general. But too often, when we play games as adults, it’s
a win-lose proposition, not an occasion to test our resilience.

Let me give you a couple of tips on improving your resilience. Here’s an
exercise that’s fun and can tell you something about yourself. Finish this
sentence with five different endings: When I’m faced with a problem I....
(Only take 30 seconds to come up with any five answers. Be creative.
Remember the kindergartners.)

When I’m faced with a problem I...

Is there a pattern to your answers? Here are some answers I came up with
for myself: When I’m faced with a problem I…

• generate several different options to deal with it.

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- Resilience -

• ask my wife, Sue, what she thinks.

• listen to music in the dark.

• Say to my-self: OK, “this too shall pass.”

• call one of my friends to get their input.

• decide it’s time to read the sports page.

Now some of those answers are useful and some are silly. But what that
exercise revealed to me was that my attitude is basically one of engaging
the problem rather than running away from it. I hope you have some silly
answers among the serious ones. But I hope that your answers indicate
that your basic approach to problems is a hands-on, can-do attitude.

That’s the stuff resilience is made of.

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RESILIENCE PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more resilient in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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Chapter 37 – Vision

“Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is
simply passing the time. Action with Vision is making a
positive difference” – Joel Barker

Positive Versatility Trait #2

he next positive versatility trait is vision. I think it’s easy to see why
someone who has the power to imagine, to be creative, to posit

alternatives in a coherent way that others can understand, is going to be
more influential than someone who can’t. There’s been a lot of discussion
and refinement of the notion of “vision” in the past ten years or so.

A vision is your picture of a desired state of affairs at some point in the future.
A vision provides a way for people to agree on goals and how they’ll be met.
With so much change going on, it’s become more and more necessary to
envision the way we’d like things to be. Without a vision, we get lost in the
trivia of daily life, or swamped by the feeling of being out of control.

Let’s imagine there are three people looking at an open field just outside the
city limits. One person sees a baseball diamond for kids to play on. Another
sees a mini-mall with convenient little shops to stop at on the way home
to the suburbs. The third person sees the perfect place for low income
housing. Those three are very different visions. Yet, assuming that this plot
of land is waiting to be developed, someone’s vision will win out.

My point is nothing happens without a vision to guide the way. We all have
visions. They’re usually born from some need. You have books and papers
lying all over the floor, and you envision a nice new bookcase against the

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wall. You can see that your mailroom personnel are very busy at certain
times of the day, and at other times they’re all sitting around telling jokes.
So you envision a system where their work is scheduled in a much more
productive way.

When the senior management at the Steelcase Furniture Company in
Grand Rapids, Michigan, decided to reorganize their company, they began
with a vision of a company where everyone’s talents and energies were
fully engaged. They decided that the traditional corporate building they
were currently located in wouldn’t allow for that, so they envisioned a flat,
spacious headquarters.

Construction on the new Corporate Development Center began and today
has seven levels with large areas where multi-discipline teams can meet.
There are no separate departments for different functions. Executives
are clustered around the center of the building where everyone has easy
access to them. And there’s even an escalator so people can talk to each
other while changing floors.

What’s important to note is that the Steelcase’s Corporate Development
Center began with a vision of how they wanted things to be.

How would you go about developing a vision that would be attractive to other
people? Here’s the starting point: “What-if” questions. “What-if” questions
get your imagination and thinking going. One thing that all creative thinkers
know is that you don’t limit yourself at this first stage – don’t assume any
rules or limitations.

Don’t say: “What if we could pull off this project with only four people,”
and then immediately stop your-self by saying, “No, that’s stupid. It’ll never

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work.” In A Whack on the Side of the Head, Roger von Oech suggests you
start the juices flowing by asking yourself: “What if gravity stopped for one
second every day?” What would happen to oceans and rivers? How would
houses be designed? What would happen if you were eating an ice cream
cone during that one second?

That’s a great example of suspending the rules and allowing your-self to
play in the realm of the possible. Von Oech calls it “getting into a germinal
frame of mind.” That’s like a garden bed with rich, black dirt where seeds
get a good start on germination. “What-if” questions allow you to free
yourself from deeply ingrained assumptions you have about how things
are usually done.

Von Oech also addresses the issue of the impractical. Sure, a lot of
your early “What-if” speculations are going to be utterly impractical. But
embedded within the impractical is often a seed of practicality. He cites one
example where an engineer at a large chemical company did a “What-if” by
suggesting that they mix gunpowder into their paint products. Then when
the surface needed repainting, they could blow the old paint off of it.

Now that’s not very practical. But it did open up the idea of having something
within the paint that allowed for it to be removed easily. The engineer’s
what-if question opened up everyone’s thinking about putting additives in
the paint. One additive would be in the paint when you bought it. It would
be inert until another substance was spread on the surface. When the
two chemicals interacted – bingo (!) the paint would come off easily. The
company went to work on making that vision a reality.

Again, the point is stopping your critical judge from coming in too early
on the process. The part of each that says: “That’ll never work,” is always

- Vision -

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present, ready to speak up. Let the creative, innovative visionary in you
come out and play.

Visions are born for all sorts of reasons: to make money, to end a problem, to
improve a situation, to create an alternative, to have more fun. Some people
have visions where other people see only problems or nothing at all.

What would you build on that empty field outside of town?

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VISION PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I develop more vision in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

- Vision -

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Chapter 38 – Attentiveness

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the
gift of your attention” - Jim Rohn

Positive Versatility Trait #3

he next trait we’ll consider is actually a very important prerequisite to
the ability to create visions. It’s called attentiveness – being aware

of what’s going on in your environment. It can be as simple as noticing
when someone is getting bored, or sensing that now’s not the right time
to put your ideas across. It’s knowing when to act and when not to act.
Attentiveness is also the ability to tune into a problem and come up with its
essential components.

“What’s really going wrong here?” That insight provides the basis for
envisioning something that will truly work better. To use an earlier example,
attentiveness to the problem of the mailroom people sitting around and
telling jokes will reveal that the problem is not that people are lazy, or that
they like to goof off. It’s that the scheduling is poorly orchestrated.

The fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, who was created by Arthur Conan
Doyle, had legendary powers of attention to detail. Sherlock would notice
a dropping of cigarette ash on the carpet or a faint smudge of billiard chalk
on a finger, or recognize that a person’s accent didn’t go with his Middle
Eastern garb, and he’d have the clue he needed to solve the case.

Attentiveness means you’re open to outside stimuli entering your field of
perception or, if the stimuli are more subtle, entering your intuition. It means
you’re open to more information coming in through your eyes and ears,

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through your sense of touch, and through what’s known as your kinesthetic
sense – how your muscles and the organs of your body react. Our bodies
can tell us loads about how other people are feeling if we’re attentive
enough. The ability to be attentive to others allows you the access to the
other person’s feelings, and sometimes those feelings are mirrored in your
own body – feelings such as fear, sadness, and discomfort.

There’s an old parable about a very educated English gentleman visiting a
well-known Buddhist master to see what he could learn from the spiritual
teacher. The holy man poured a cup of tea for the Englishman and kept
pouring and pouring until there was tea all over the floor.

Finally, the Englishman could not sit silently any longer and asked, “Why
are you overfilling the cup?” The Buddhist master replied, “This cup is like
your head. It is so full that nothing else will go into it. You must empty
yourself first in order to learn anything new for me.”

The trait we’re discussing – attentiveness – works a lot like that. In order to
be attentive, we need to empty ourselves of other thoughts and set ways of
seeing things. When we use our senses to take in all we can about other
people, we can much more accurately adjust our behavior to the needs of
others. When we’re attentive to situations, we can exercise that power of
vision we spoke of earlier to make positive changes for ourselves and others.

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aTTENTIVENESS PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more attentive in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Attentiveness -

Chapter 39 – Competence

“Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the
eye of the beholder” - Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Positive Versatility Trait #4

he fourth key to versatility is being competent.

Competence goes beyond having a specific expertise. It certainly

means being knowledgeable and skillful in your field. But it also means
possessing a problem-solving ability that goes beyond your own specialty.
If you don’t know the answer, or how to fix the problem, with competence as
ability, you know how to go about getting someone who does. Competence
means having a can-do attitude and following through on it.

We all know incompetence when we see it. I speak a lot in public and once in
a while I run into a situation where the person handling the technical aspects
of the event – the “A/V” as it’s called, for audio-visual – doesn’t know what
to do when something goes wrong. There’s feedback in the microphone, or
the laptop loaded with the slide presentation is not working correctly, and
the person, who obviously hasn’t had the right training for the job, looks
hopeless. Sometimes they look at me to see if I know how to fix it.

I’m happy to say the great majority of the time I work with people who are
truly competent at what they do. When something goes wrong, like a buzz
in the PA system, for instance, they may not know exactly where it’s coming
from, but they know how to troubleshoot to find it. They check one piece of
equipment, and then another, and then another, until they find the problem.

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Exhibiting competence in knowing what you’re doing, or knowing how to get
something done, is communicated to others in a variety of ways. There’s
the obvious level of actually being able to do what you say you can do.
But competence gets communicated subtly, too. Let’s look at two different
phone conversations:

Conversation One

Female: Hello, Branson and Lamont. Can I help you?

Male: Yes, I’d like to speak with Bill Lamont, please. Is he in?

Female: (hesitant and distracted) Well, he was around here a minute
ago. I saw him walk by. He doesn’t always let me know when he’s
leaving. I’ll take a message for him if you’d like.

Male: (a bit sarcastically) Thanks.

Conversation Two

Female 2: Hello, Branson and Lamont. Can I help you?

Male: Yes, I’d like to speak with Bill Lamont, please. Is he in?

Female 2: (focused and professional) I don’t believe he’s in at the
moment. Let me take a message and I’ll have him get back to you.

Male: Thanks.

Now both of those receptionists knew how to answer the phone and take a
message. But which one would you call more “competent?” The second one,
right? Because she sounded more competent, more focused, more in charge.

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Your “non-verbal’s” – how you look, the sound of your voice – go a long way
toward conveying competence. So does the style of behavior you choose
– whether you come across as a very casual person, or as someone
who’s a professional and takes herself seriously. Notice I said “the style of
behavior you choose,” because you do have a choice. And that’s my tip on
competence: you can choose to behave in a way that exudes competence,
or you can choose to undercut what skills you do have by looking and
acting as if you’re not sure of yourself.

Your ability to gain influence with other people is dependent on how they
see you – whether they judge you to be trustworthy, and whether they think
you really know what you’re talking about and can manage the tasks you
claim you can. You’ll go a long way toward gaining that trust when you’re
able to impress them with your competence.

- Competence -

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COMPETENCE PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more competent in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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Chapter 40 - Self-Correction

“Man is still responsible. ... His success lies not with the
stars, but with himself. He must carry on the fight of self-
correction and discipline”- Frank Curtis Williams

Positive Versatility Trait #5

he fifth and final versatility trait we’ll discuss is self-correction. That
means the ability to initiate change and evaluate the results. It means

you ask for feedback, and have a mindset that’s about problem-solving,
not about the need to be right. It means being able to see when you’ve
developed a non-productive pattern in your behavior. Or being able to say:
“I think this approach isn’t working, I’d better try something different.”

Self-correction is based on negative feedback. When things are going well,
we generally don’t think about changing anything. It’s only when something
goes wrong, or we recognize the potential for it going wrong, that we
decide to make corrections. This is the phenomenon of negative feedback
– feedback that’s based on receiving negative information.

A very simple example is the big toe on your right foot. You probably weren’t
thinking about it until I mentioned it. If you had stubbed your toe just now,
and it was throbbing, you’d be thinking about it and how to take care of it.
That’s the principle of negative feedback.

It’s unfortunate but true that we learn mainly by making mistakes.
Buckminster Fuller was an architect, inventor, and philosopher – his most
well-known contribution is the geodesic dome. In the many books he wrote
in his later life, one theme was constant. Fuller emphasized over and over

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that human beings learn only through mistakes. The billions of human
beings in history have made quadrillions of mistakes – that’s the only way
we’ve arrived at the knowledge that we have.

Fuller pointed out that humans might have been so mortified by the number
of mistakes we’ve made that we would have become too discouraged to
continue with the experiment of life. But fortunately, we have a built-in sense
of pride in the fact that we can learn, and we have the gift of memory, which
allows us to keep somewhat of an inventory on our mistakes. That prevents
us from repeating all of them over and over again.

When you possess the trait of self-correction, or sometimes it’s called “course-
correction,” you’re able to learn from your mistakes. You also get better and
better at spotting the need for change before disaster strikes. It’s similar to
being able to monitor symptoms of disease in your body before they turn into
serious problems. Let’s look at an example of self-correction in action:

Tom has decided to give his employees an all-expense paid cruise at the
end of the year as a bonus. He’s telling one of them about it now:

Tom: Jim, you know we’ve had a great year, and it’s because you
people have worked so hard. So I’ve arranged for all of us to take a
four-day cruise around the Caribbean as a gift.

Jim: Wow, that sounds great. I’ll talk to my wife about it.

Tom:  It’s all set. Four days between Christmas and New Year’s. I’ve
planned  the  whole  itinerary  –  there’ll  be  shopping  and  sightseeing
stops,  and  I’ve  planned  a  couple  of  seminars  by  leading  business
speakers on the boat itself. Whadya’ think?

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Jim: I think you’re being very generous, Tom, but I also think it’d be
good to check with everyone on when they’re free and what they’d
like to do on the cruise.

Now at this point, our boss, Tom, can either course correct on the plan, or
not. Let’s say he doesn’t.

Tom: (very angry) I’m giving you guys a free cruise in the Caribbean
and you’re telling me you need some time to think about how you’d
like it to be!? Who’s footing the bill? You don’t have to go if you don’t
want to, Jim.

Now let’s suppose that Tom saw the mistake he was making as Jim
suggested checking with other people before making final plans. Tom could
have responded like this:

Tom: Boy, I’m really getting carried away, aren’t I? I got so excited
about giving everybody this gift, I didn’t think about how it fit with
their holiday plans. You’re right, Jim, let’s pull a brief meeting together
at the end of the day tomorrow and I’ll present my ideas and we’ll try
to come up with some consensus on the trip.

That’s an example of self-correction in action. Tom recognized that he’d
made a mistake – probably because he was so excited about his idea – but
he made a mistake by expecting everyone to embrace his wall-to-wall plan
for the trip. So he adapted his behavior. At tomorrow’s meeting he has a
chance to influence people with his ideas for the trip. He can use many
of the traits we’ve discussed so far in presenting his ideas – things like
confidence, positiveness, and respect for others. And he’ll probably have
to stay open to more course-correction of his own ideas.

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“I made a mistake.” Or, “I went off on a tangent.” Or, “I got off on the wrong
foot.” Those are each ways of acknowledging that we tried something that
didn’t work out as we’d planned. If you find that you’re not saying those
kinds of things very often or at all, it might mean your versatility is low, or it
might mean you’re not trying anything new. As Bucky Fuller says, “it’s the
reason we were given two feet - to make a mistake first to the left and then
to the right and over and over again. It’s only by self-correcting at every
step we take that we’re able to walk in a somewhat straight direction.”

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SELF-CORRECTION PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I improve my self-correction skills?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

- Self-Correction -

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Chapter 41 – Subjectiveness

“We can escape the commonplace only by manipulating it,
controlling it, thrusting it into our dreams or surrendering it
to the free play of our subjectivity” - Raoul Vaneigem

Negative Versatility Trait #1

ubjectiveness means seeing everything from strictly your own
perspective. “This is the way it looks to me.” And that’s the only way

you can look at it. The versatility aspect here is the ability to see things from
other peoples’ perspectives. A classic situation of differing perspectives
exists in companies that are organized into rigid departments. They often
don’t communicate well with one another.

Let’s imagine a scenario where the research and development division has
come up with a new industrial strength cleaning product that will remove
grease and cosmetics stains from white sheets and towels and make them
look like new. This would be a great boon to hotels, for instance, that have a
premium on keeping the sheets and towels looking fresh without having to
buy new ones all the time. This product will sell! The company has brought
together the heads of the departments. Mack from marketing speaks first:

Mack: This sounds great. We can have ad copy ready by next week.
We need to get the jump on our competitors.

John: Wait a minute. R&D tells me that in order to manufacture this
stuff; we need to import an ingredient from Malaysia. That’s the only
place to get it and we can’t get enough of it to begin production for at
least four months.

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Helen: I’ve got another consideration. R&D says that although this
stuff doesn’t have phosphates in it, they’re not exactly sure of the
consequences of putting this product into the waste stream. What if
it produces problems for the environment? Then we’re in big trouble.

Marge: We’re in trouble now. Our bottom line is turning red and there’s
a shareholder’s meeting next month. If we can say that we have a new
product coming out that’s a sure hit, we’ll squeak through. But I’ve
got to have sales projections soon.

Will these people ever be able to see each other’s points of view? Each
one is coming from his or her own subjective perspective. What each
person is saying may feel “objective” to that person. It’s “objectively” true
that marketing needs ad copy, that manufacturing needs the ingredients for
the product, that the company needs to make money, and that someone
needs to pay attention to environmental impact. But unless each person is
able to get beyond their own needs in the situation, there’ll never be any
satisfactory resolution. It’ll probably come down to: do we come out with
it, or don’t we? And then each person will have to solve their problems
individually.

That is why some companies are turning to team-based decision-making
– that’s where each person has to take the other’s viewpoint into account
when they offer suggestions for action.

In our soap example, shifting the decision-making from individual
departments to a product launch team means each person has to go beyond
the technical concerns of marketing, manufacturing, and so on. The whole
team has to engage each of the considerations together. In other words,
each person has to give up his or her subjective perspective, and instead

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focus on what’s necessary to make the whole project a success, not just
their part of it.

Subjectiveness doesn’t just come up in planning meetings. It’s reflected
every day in statements such as: “Anyone who can’t see that we need to do
it this way is an idiot!” Or, “I won’t accept anything less than a ten percent
decrease in this budget.” And similar statements that make the point of
view expressed the only possible point of view.

This negative trait of subjectiveness is also related to the trait of rigidity. In rigidity,
the person is unwilling to consider any other point of view. In subjectiveness,
the person is unable to do that because he’s stuck in his own.

There’s a famous old Eastern parable that you might have heard about five
blind men and an elephant. They were each asked to describe this beast
and one said, “It’s like a tree,” as he held on to the elephant’s leg. “No, no,
an elephant is much like a piece of cord,” said another, as he held on to its
tail. The third said, “I think the elephant is most like a python,” as he held
on to the trunk. And so on.

Of course, each one had only a piece of the picture. It’s easy to see that
if they could share each other’s perspective, they’d come up with a whole
picture. And that’s the advantage of getting past your own subjectiveness.
We tend to get stuck in limited and partial views of people or issues. We
don’t make the effort to “get another camera angle” on the subject and so
we make decisions, or have relationships, that create problems. Having
only one way of seeing things automatically means having problems with
someone who has a different perspective. Those kinds of problems could
be avoided when we accept that there’s more than one viewpoint on almost
every topic under the sun.

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- Subjectiveness -

But we’re back to how does one let go of being solely subjective? First of
all, it’s fine to have your own viewpoint. The task is to make the distinction
between viewpoint and reality.

The reality is that the baby spilled the milk on the floor. Your viewpoint may
be that this is a mess that you have to clean up. Someone else at the table
may think it’s quite funny, or quite cute. And the cat thinks it’s a wonderful
turn of events. You can help your versatility in situations a lot by realizing
whenever you have an opinion or reaction; it’s only one possibility of many.
Don’t confuse your viewpoint with the reality of the facts. It’s a liberating
feeling to realize that what you thought was reality was simply your point of
view – and that can be changed.

You may say you’re willing to see things from other people’s perspectives,
but can you do it is the question. You might try practicing on an issue
that you feel strongly about – Abortion, Gun Control, Capital Punishment,
Universal Health Care. Can you really articulate the argument of someone
on the opposite side?

In more mundane matters, when you find yourself in a verbal tug-of-war,
try this line: “Now, let me see if I understand your perspective. What you’re
saying is...” and finish it with an honest attempt at capturing their viewpoint.
The more often you’re able to change camera angles, to separate facts
from strongly held emotions, to articulate the opposite of what you believe,
the more you’re exercising your versatility muscles.

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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SUBJECTIVENESS PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more objective in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Subjectiveness -

Chapter 42 – Bluntness

“Don’t confuse being blunt with being stimulating”

- unknown

Negative Versatility Trait #2

he second negative versatility trait is bluntness. If you can’t
understand this one, you’re pretty stupid. See what I mean? Most of

us know better than to call other people names and insult their intelligence.
Being assertive about our opinions and beliefs is fine, but at some point,
assertiveness crosses over into bluntness. And that means you haven’t
taken the other person’s feelings into account.

Let’s look at two short scenarios – Remember Harry and Deborah from the
chapters on flexibility – let’s observe them again in the same context but
this time we will observe a different conversation in which they are both
extremely blunt. As you will recall Deborah Wilson is beginning her first day
as co-director of marketing with Harry Stern. Harry’s been the sole director
up until now, but the company likes Deborah’s ideas and wants the two of
them to try working together. Deborah walks into Harry’s office through the
open door.

Harry: Didn’t my secretary tell you I’m busy? If you’ll wait outside I’ll
be able to see you in about an hour.

Deborah: Harry, I can’t waste time sitting around in hallways. Everyone
knows why I’m here. You’ve got a choice. You can cooperate with me
or you can lose any credibility you have in this company.

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Harry: If I had as little experience as you do, I’d be careful about
throwing my weight around. But if you think you know it all already, I
guess you won’t need any help from me.

That was pretty blunt, on both sides. This relationship is obviously going
nowhere.

Let’s go to scenario two, where Deborah has shot from the hip in responding
to Harry’s rude greeting. But, Harry decides to adapt his behavior...

Deborah: You can cooperate with me or you may lose any credibility
you have in this company.

Harry: Deborah, how about if we skip the games and go to work? I
want this department to be a winner, and I assume you do too. Let’s
figure out how to manage this transition in a way that’s good for your
career and good for mine, too.

Notice what Harry did to change his style of behavior.

He called attention to the bluntness by indicating they were both “playing
games.” His next two statements included references to both of them in
positive ways. In other words, rather than set them up as adversaries,
which the blunt opening had done, he changed the tone of the conversation
by pointing out where they met on common ground. That’s a skill.

Find out if bluntness is a problem for you. To do that, simply ask several of
the people closest to you at home and at work something like: “Do I come
across as too blunt sometimes?”

Or, “Do I say things that hurt other people’s feelings without realizing it?”

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If  you  get  back  some  “yes”  answers,  then  you  need  to  pay  attention  to
the  ways  you  communicate.  Any  one  of  several  things  can  make  your
communication  hurtful  when  you  don’t  intend  it.  One  is  obviously  your
choice of words.

Another is the tone of your voice – the words can be fine, but the tone might
convey hostility. How would you feel if someone said to you: “That’s a great
piece of work.” [said flatly with a slight edge of sarcasm – could be taken
as positive or negative]?

Many people don’t realize that their tone is gruff or negative- sounding. One
way to tell is to record yourself having a phone conversation. Tape your end
of it and play it back.

Make sure it’s a substantive conversation where you can really hear yourself
speaking at length, preferably to someone you’re not trying to impress.
Listen to the tape carefully, pretending it’s someone else. How does this
person sound to you? Friendly? Matter-of-fact? Or is there an edge in the
voice that’s unfriendly?

Hearing what we sound like to other people can sometimes be a revelation.
If there’s a hostile edge to your voice, then you’ll need to consciously modify
your tone. That’ll take time – weeks, maybe even months. But nationally-
recognized speech consultant Carol Fleming, in her audio program, The
Sound of Your Voice, says it can be done, if you’re willing to put in the
conscious effort. Modifying the sound of your voice may be the single most
important thing you can do to improve the first impression you make on
people, after your appearance.

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- Bluntness -

One woman I know was told by Dr. Fleming that she pushed the pitch
of her voice down [Say next part in lower pitch] in order to sound more
authoritative. The woman had to consciously work at allowing her voice
to find its natural pitch. It took several months of effort, but it made her
speaking voice sound more alive and musical.

In general, overcoming bluntness in your communication style means
becoming more aware of other people’s feelings.

The more you can do that, the more successful you’ll be in developing
satisfying relationships. If you have a tendency toward being authoritarian,
you can work on recognizing when it’s appropriate to back off. If you listen
more to other people’s opinions, ideas, and concerns, you’re less apt to
express your own in a blunt way.

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BLUNTNESS PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become less blunt in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Bluntness -

Chapter 43 – Resistance

“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling. Change
the thought that creates the resistance, and there is no more
resistance.” – Robert Conklin

Negative Versatility Trait #3

hen I talk about the next negative versatility trait, the image of a mule
comes to mind. Mules are not very versatile creatures. They may be

good for some things, but they’re not good at adapting their behavior to fit
the circumstances. The mule has come to symbolize stubborn resistance. It
seems they can’t help it. Any suggestion that doesn’t meet with their approval
is strongly resisted.

Do you find yourself resisting most suggestions that come from others? One
of my favorite jokes – you might have heard a version of it because it’s been
around for a while – has a great moral about resistance to it.

One day there were flood warnings out in this small town and the sheriff went
around telling everyone to get to higher ground before the river overflowed
its banks. One man heard the sheriff riding by his house with the warning
coming over a loudspeaker and said to him: “I’m going to be okay here. I put
my faith in the Lord.”

The next day the town was flooded and the water had reached the second
floor of the man’s house. A rescuer came by in a boat and said to him: “Come
on. Get in the boat. The water’s going to go higher.” The man refused saying:
I’m staying here. I’ll be all right. I put my faith in the Lord. He’ll save me.”

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The third day the water was still rising and the man was on his roof. A rescue
helicopter came by and saw the man and the pilot shouted down, “I’ll drop
a rope so you can pull yourself up.” “Don’t bother,” said the man, “I’ll be
fine. The Lord will take care of me.” A little while later the man drowned. He
walked up to the pearly gates of heaven and he was angry. When he saw
St. Peter he said, “What happened? I put my trust in the Lord to save me,
and I drowned!” St. Peter said to him, “We sent you the sheriff, a boat, and
a helicopter. How come you refused all three?”

This man would have fared better if he had made one shift in his mindset
– he needed to shift from thinking either/or to both/and. In his mind, he
either took the advice of the rescuers, or he trusted in the Lord, to use his
terms. He resisted because he saw no way to connect the two. What if he
had thought both/and? Both the rescuer arrived and his faith was being
vindicated.

One of the most constructive and challenging activities our human minds
are capable of is reconciling two seemingly opposite ideas. Rather than
seeing things as either this or that, great minds are often capable of figuring
out both/and. Someone once thought: I want a dessert that’s both hot and
cold – and the hot fudge sundae was born, or maybe it was Baked Alaska.
I want to send you a letter, and I don’t want to have to go to the mailbox
– voila (!) the fax machine. I like to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, and I
don’t want to ingest a lot of pesticides – most towns now have an organic
produce store.

You may say, “Well, it’s relatively easy to figure out solutions to those kinds
of problems – ones that don’t involve people and their feelings.” I think it’s
very possible to take the both/and mindset into any difficult interpersonal
situation.

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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When you disagree with someone, she can be right in terms of her
experience, and you can be right in terms of yours. You can say to her, “I
can see why you feel the way you do. It’s entirely reasonable in terms of
the experiences you’ve had. But my experience has been different.” You
can acknowledge another person’s suggestion, or point of view, without
agreeing to it or accepting it. That creates an atmosphere in which both
your view and the other person can peacefully co-exist.

Letting  go  of  resistance  as  an  automatic  response  to  other  people’s
suggestions  or  viewpoints  doesn’t  mean  you  automatically  agree  with
everyone. No one expects you to do that. What makes resistance such
an  unattractive  and  non-versatile  trait  is  that  it’s  a  knee-jerk,  unthinking
reaction. We call it the mule reaction.

You can still say “no” or disagree. But you do it by acknowledging that the
other person’s thought or feeling can exist alongside yours. Then you can
proceed to discuss the two and you might decide to use a phrase like:
“Let me tell you how it looks from my angle” Or, “What you may not have
considered is...” That’s not knee-jerk resistance; it’s a considered difference
of opinion. Having the ability to think “both/ and” gives you great versatility
in your relations with others.

And remember the man on his roof and the helicopter. Things don’t always
come to us in the ways we expect them to.

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- Resistance -

BLUNTNESS PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become less resistant in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapter 44 – Single
Mindedness

“Not only do we as individuals get locked into single-minded
views, but we also reinforce these views for each other until
the culture itself suffers the same mindlessness”

– Ellen J. Langer

Negative Versatility Trait #4

he fourth negative trait that indicates a lack of versatility is single-
mindedness. It might also be called narrow-mindedness or tunnel vision.

It’s typical of the kind of person who has one goal, one topic, one cause, or
only one way of doing things. It’s a little like a musical instrument that can only
play one note. It may be a lovely note, but it’s only one note. And that makes
for a pretty dull tune.

Letting go of single-mindedness doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t totally commit
yourself to something you’re passionate about – it means being able to see
that other people have other goals, passions, causes, and ways of doing things
that are also perfectly valid. Not only valid, but necessary to take into account
as you pursue your own direction.

I saw a graphic example of this trait in a story I read about a woman who loved
birds very much and was committed to helping them in any way. That included
setting out poison for neighborhood cats and squirrels. It seems rather narrow-
minded to try to preserve one species at the expense of others. Her neighbors
who loved cats and squirrels might have shared her love for birds as well.
What could have been a neighborhood effort turned into hostile confrontations.

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People who are single-minded have firmly decided what’s of importance to
them and tend to look for a course of action that allows them to get there.
What they miss are all the allies they could have; they miss alternative ways
of reaching their goals or furthering their causes. They often don’t take into
account that they could accomplish their objective and the objectives of
others at the same time.

Let’s look at a true story, adapted from the book Changing Problem Behavior
in Schools, by Alex Molnar and Barbara Lindquist, where a seventh-grade
English teacher is trying to get her student, Charlene, to stop talking to her
friends during class. The first several months of the term, the teacher used
the usual techniques – asking Charlene to be quiet, threatening Charlene
with extra work, and reprimanding her in front of the whole class. This
teacher found that disciplining Charlene was becoming a regular part of
the class agenda. So she decided to try some other approaches. Let’s take
a look.

Teacher: Charlene, I see that you’re talking with your friend Rosanne
again today.

Charlene: Yes, Mr. Howard. I have something very important to tell her.

Teacher: You know, Charlene, in the past I’ve gotten quite angry
about you disrupting the class with your talking. But I’ve realized that
I just didn’t appreciate how important your friendships are to you.
The fact is that you risk getting poor grades in order to preserve your
relationship with Rosanne. Maybe for some people, good friends are
more important than good grades.

Charlene: (a little taken aback) Well, I just needed to tell her something
right then.

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Teacher: I understand. I’ll try to be more tolerant of your need to do that.

Charlene stayed mostly quiet for the rest of that class period. But the next day
she was just as talkative as usual. The teacher tried to ignore the situation,
but some of the other students were getting annoyed. One said sarcastically:
“Charlene’s working on her friendship again.”

The teacher realized she was losing the patience of the rest of the class so she
tried a second strategy:

Teacher: Class, I know that Charlene is talking again and distracting
some of you from your work. But she’s offering us a good lesson in
life. She’s teaching us how to survive in a world filled with distractions.
If you’re finding the distraction to be too much, feel free to move away
from her.

Charlene liked the idea of being compared to a force of nature. But as students
began to move their desks away from hers, she quieted down for the rest of
the class period. However, the next day, Charlene was acting like a full-blown
distraction again. This time the teacher tried a third strategy:

Teacher: Charlene, I have to keep your interests and the interests of the
other students in mind. I know you need to communicate with Rosanne
and some of your other friends. Since this is an English class, I’d like
you to write down what you have to say in note form and carry it over to
Rosanne.

Charlene liked that idea a lot. The only problem was that her friends didn’t
want to take the time to write her answers back. So the communication was
one-sided. After a few days, Charlene’s talking was reduced considerably, and
there was only an occasional note to a friend.

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- Single Mindedness -

The lesson we can learn from this story is that the teacher had had a single-
minded approach to the problem of the talkative child: that is, stop the talking.
When he reframed her talking as a positive event, at least for Charlene, he
was able to creatively approach the situation in which his need to have order
and her need to communicate were both met.

If becoming single-minded to the point of ignoring the needs of others is a
problem for you, then your challenge is to find creative ways of allowing for
more possibilities.

Again, I’m not suggesting that you give up on your own goals and dreams.
But if you intend to influence people and build support for your projects, you
need to learn how to incorporate the ideas or goals of others into the picture.
The key is always to look for things that connect two different ideas or goals.
People often disagree over means – the way to accomplish something. But
sometimes there can be real agreement on the positive intent of the goals.
Even in the very antagonistic battle over pro-choice versus pro-life in the
abortion debate, people from both sides who are willing to talk to each other
find common ground in wanting to preserve family values.

When you find your mental focus becoming narrower and narrower on one
issue or one approach, remember the one-note instrument. It may be attention-
getting, but all by itself, it gets boring.

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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SINGLE-MINDEDNESS PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become less single-minded in my interpersonal transactions with others?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Single Mindedness -

Chapter 45 - Unreasonable
Risk Taking

“I don’t believe in taking foolish chances but nothing can
be accomplished without taking any chance at all”

– Charles A. Lindbergh

Negative Versatility Trait #5

he fifth and final trait that inhibits versatility is called “unreasonable risk-
taking.” This is when people tend to over-emphasize the resources

they have available or can acquire to accomplish their objectives. Or when
people under-emphasize the barriers that are likely to get in their way.

There’s been a lot of emphasis in the past decade or so on risk-taking as
a positive trait of high-achieving individuals. Most corporate environments
don’t encourage risk-taking. Neither do government bureaucracies. So
“unreasonable risk-taking” might not seem like much of a problem, except
that we’re talking about increasing power and influence with others. That
demands that you take risks, provide leadership, and create visions for
others. So risk-taking comes with the territory of adaptability.

This is just a note of caution to take reasonable risks. Psychologist David
McClelland and others who have researched high achievers say the most
successful individuals take moderate risks that have a 30 to 70 percent
chance of being accomplished. Taking a risk on something that has less
than a 30 percent chance of success is considered reckless behavior
rather than reasonable risk taking. This is especially true if you’re risking
the resources of other people in the process.

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Accomplishing something that has over 70 percent chance of success is
essentially not taking a risk in the first place. Assessing risk involves looking
at both positive factors of in the plan and the negative factors that stand to
get in the way. There’s usually no way to do an ironclad assessment of a
plan.

Oftentimes the factor that weights the balance in one direction or the other
is the person taking the risk. How much follow-through do you have? How
much energy are you going to bring to the enterprise? If the going gets
tough, can you count on yourself to keep going?

A great majority of businesses begun by individuals in this country fail within
the first five years. Starting a new business is always a risk, but a good
business plan upfront will help assess the chances for success. According
to Michael Gerber, who runs a nationwide training company for fledgling
entrepreneurs, the number one reason for the failure of startup businesses
is under-estimation of the resources it takes to keep a business going.
Under-estimate of the capital required, under-estimate of the time it takes,
and under-estimate of the expertise it takes to run your own business. Yet
every year, hundreds of thousands of people hang out their sign, print their
business cards, and wait for their first customer or client.

And the good news is that tens of thousands of those businesses do
succeed because they’ve taken a reasonable risk. And, undoubtedly
because they’ve learned how to be flexible and versatile in meeting the
challenges of the marketplace.

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RISK TaKING PLaNNING GUIDE

How do I become more responsible in my risk taking?

__________________________________________________________

What are the potential obstacles that stand in my way?

__________________________________________________________

Why do I want to achieve this goal? What’s in it for me?

__________________________________________________________

What is my action plan? How will I specifically achieve my goal?

__________________________________________________________

What is my target date/deadline for achieving my goal?

__________________________________________________________

How and when will I measure my success?

__________________________________________________________

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- Unreasonable Risk Taking -

Conclusions – Positive -

Negative Versatility Traits

n closing our discussion on the traits that get in the way of versatility, I’d
like to tell you a parable that conveys an ancient wisdom about being

willing, or being unwilling to adapt your behavior.

Two Buddhist monks were walking through the woods one day when they
came upon a mountain stream that was rushing over large boulders. A
peasant woman was standing at the edge wanting to cross, but she was
afraid of getting swept up in the current. The monks had taken a vow of
celibacy, which included the rule that they could never physically touch
a woman. One of the two monks offered to carry the woman across the
stream and she accepted. The two monks crossed the stream, one carrying
the woman. At the other side the monk set the woman on the bank and said
goodbye and the two monks continued their journey. Neither one said a
word about the incident.

Finally after a couple of hours the one monk could no longer hold back his
discomfort and said to the other, “Why did you pick up that woman and
carry her across the stream? Did you not remember that we’ve have taken
a vow never to touch a woman? “ The other monk looked at him for a while
and then said, “I put her down several hours ago. Why haven’t you?”

Versatility means being able to adapt your behavior when it makes sense. It
means staying open to alternatives and breaking the rules once in a while.

We’ve covered a lot of ground in these last few chapters. We looked at five
negative and five positive versatility traits.

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Changing behavior patterns that are years, and even decades old takes
time. If you really want to engage the ideas I’ve presented and increase
your personal influence with people, I’d choose one negative versatility trait
to eliminate and one positive versatility trait to gain or improve.

When you feel you’ve made some real progress in lessening that negative
trait, choose another negative trait to eliminate. Then find another positive
trait to fill the space that’s created when you let go of an old behavior pattern.
If you’re brave enough, ask a close friend to help you monitor changes in
your behavior. Tell him or her that you’re working on changing a behavior
characteristic and you’d like their help in watching for it. It’s good to keep
in mind that you’ll occasionally slip back into the old behavior pattern. After
all, you’ve done it thousands of times more than the newer positive trait
you’ve committed to.

Just remind yourself that you’re on the road to versatility, even when you
fall back into your old habits. That’s why you have two feet – one to pull you
toward the right, one to pull you back toward the left, then back toward the
right, just course-correcting as you go.

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- Unreasonable Risk Taking -

Introduction by Samuel Johnson

Congratulations! You have now adopted or enhanced 16 or more Traits of
Successful People. You have completed 20 Workbook exercises designed
by Dr. Tony Alessandra on additional traits and characteristics of Successful
People.

You can now begin to implement the Game-Changing Life Strategies that
will lead to more personal and professional success. In the next chapters
we will utilize your Game-Changing Life Strategies password protected
web portal for Advanced Goal Setting (90 days free access).

Behavior  change  and  performance  enhancement  can  best  be  realized
by  utilizing  the  techniques  and  exercises  presented  to  you  in  this
groundbreaking book. Remember, your goals must be realistic and their
attainment  will  take  time.    But  if  you  adopt  these  Game-Changing  Life
Strategies and complete the exercises on your personal web page you will
accomplish what you want, you will be what you want to be, and you will
have what you want to have. I guarantee it.

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapter 46 - Advanced Goal
Setting Techniques

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable
ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.”
-Henry David Thoreau

hen speaking of goals no one said it better than Lou Holtz, one of
the greatest football coaches of all time.

Famed Football Coach Lou Holtz on Goal Setting:

“I’ve always felt it was extremely important to set goals for
your-self. After the 1967 season, our entire staff was fired at
South Carolina where I was an assistant. My wife bought me
a book entitled The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz.
So I sat down and made a list of all the things I still wanted
to accomplish in life, and there were 107 of them. Some of
them involved traveling, some of them were a little crazy,
some I’ll never reach - I don’t know if I’m ever going to learn a
foreign language. I’m not going to be a scratch golfer. Some
of them have happened, like appearing on The Tonight Show
and being invited for dinner at the White House. But my life
changed after I made that list. I think I’ve accomplished 95 of
them. My wife disagreed about the list, though. She thought I
should have added something about getting a job. I’ve been
amazed at how many people have wanted to talk about my
list over the years. I can’t believe more people don’t have a
similar list of goals. Some of them are personal things-like
ones pertaining to being a father or those of a financial nature.

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They’re just something to shoot for-to experience. That’s why
I say to our athletes and my children - be a participant, don’t
be a spectator. Do things. Just decide what you want to do
and then ask the question, ‘What’s important now?’ Now what
do I have to do to accomplish such and such? And that will tell
you the action you have to take. It’s not a wish list, it’s a set
of things I wanted to accomplish and it really hasn’t changed
that much.”

My passion concerning the power of goal setting as a tool to attain success
cannot  be  shaken.  However,  I  am  often  skeptical  when  people  tell  me
they have learned to set goals. Too many managers, consultants, and Life
Coaches  lack  an  understanding  of  the  science  and  psychology  behind
proper  goal  setting.  Too  often  those  who  have  worked  with  a  coach  or
manager  to  set  goals  cannot  produce  a  goals  sheet  where  those  goals
have been reduced to writing.

If your goals exist only in your head-and not on paper-you are denying
yourself one of the most fundamentally sound and proven techniques in the
field of self-help and performance enhancement.

Research, as noted in Applied Sports Psychology, shows that establishing
written  goals  does  one  thing:  it  increases  the  performance  level  of  the
goal  setter.    So  why  do  most  of  us  fail  to  write  down  our  goals?    Most
underestimate  the  power  of  goal  setting  and  few  coaches  know  the
intricacies  of  the  goal  setting  process  sufficiently  to  teach  it  effectively.
Very few persons actually have their goals written down; even fewer have
them written down correctly.  Almost none look at them daily and engage in
repetitive exercises to review, reinforce and realize them.  And only a select
few have a system that allows them to set goals and see them every day.

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By purchasing this book you are now one of those select few!

Top performers share a common denominator: proper goal setting, daily
goal reminders and quarterly goal assessment.

Why  does  proper  goal  setting  enhance  performance,  elevate  success?
Above our spine, we each have a large bundle of nerves called our Reticular
Activating System, or RAS.  The RAS filters information before it crosses
the  threshold  of  our  mind.    If  we  hear  a  baby  cry,  our  RAS  encounters
the particular sound, recognizes its connection to the child and conveys
this message to the nervous system: “this sound is important; act upon it.”
When we see a red light in front of us, our RAS again conveys the message:
“this is important-stop the car.”  On the other hand, while traveling in traffic,
surrounded by the din of the hundreds of cars and semi-trucks around us,
our RAS conveys this message: “pay little attention to the sound—it’s not
important.”  The RAS is in charge of filtering out what is IMPORTANT from
what is NOT IMPORTANT to the information we take in through our senses.

What does this have to do with goals—and how goals that are written down
differ from those we have only in our thoughts?  When you look at something
every day your RAS begins to place importance on it.  Do you have a desire
to lose 30 pounds in three months?  Do you think about it sporadically?  You
may or may not advance toward its accomplishment.  But, if you have the
same goal- written down- and you look at that written goal every day, your
RAS elevates its importance and when it allows the information to cross
the threshold of your mind, it announces: “this is important, act on it, watch
what you eat today.” Your RAS puts your unconscious mind to work for you
to help you accomplish the goal. Yes, this is the truth!  You have an ally on
the unconscious level that helps you accomplish your goals as long as you
look at them every day.  And yet, with all of this available power, most of the

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- Advanced Goal Setting Techniques -

world, perhaps 80%, jot down little more than a grocery list once a week.

Game-Changing  Life Strategies virtual  interaction  provides  this constant
recognition to your RAS reinforcing the power of your written down goals.
For  90  days  our  web  based  interactive  coaching  will  assure  that  your
goals, your new beliefs, your new associations, and your RAS will help you
achieve success.

Before we actually set any goals, we need to know how to do so correctly.
We must think about what we want to accomplish and why before we write
them down. The Game-Changing Life Strategies are so powerful that what
you wish for will be what you get. So let’s make sure it is what you want.

When younger I set the written goal to own three companies by the time I
was 30 years old. I used the techniques presented here—and accomplished
the  goal!    However,  despite  the  financial  rewards,  the  sacrifices  that
success required in my personal life soured its attainment.  My family and
friends were all put to the side because of rash goal setting.  Achieving the
goal was not worth the cost of achieving it. Think about what you want to
accomplish and why before you write down your goals.

You will, of course, always have the option of re-evaluating and rewriting
your  goals.  Re-evaluating  and  reviewing  your  goals  periodically  only
reinforces the likelihood of your accomplishment and raises the probability
that your goals will be realized.   It gives you the opportunity to determine
if  you  have  accomplished  prior  goals  and  whether  it  is  time  to  improve
something else in your life.  As you write down your goals make certain you
do the following:

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

Set Specific Goals In Measurable and Behavioral Terms



Set Moderately Difficult But Realistic Goals



Set Short-Range as Well as Long-Range Goals.



Set Process and Performance Goals as Well as Outcome
Goals



Set Positive Goals as Opposed To Negative Goals



Identify Target Dates For attaining Goals



Identify Goal achievement Strategies



Record Goals Once They Have Been Identified



Provide For Goal Evaluation



Provide Support for Goals

Gould, Daniel (2006) (5th Ed) Applied Sports Psychology



To Set Specific Goals in Measurable and Behavioral Terms

means the goal must be well defined, must include a “measurement”
or quantity within it, and must describe the behavior that will attain it.
It does not mean a “do your best” to accomplish goal.  For example,
specific and measurable  means “I will sell $800k in products and
services  by  November  1st”,  versus  a  “do  your  best”  goal  like  “I
would like to increase my sales” or “I will lose 10 pounds by March
27th

”

, versus “I want to lose weight.”

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- Advanced Goal Setting Techniques -

Behavioral terms means the goal contains a statement of the behavior
that will lead to its accomplishment: “I will weigh 10 pounds less by March
27th

because I will eat only 1,600 calories each day and exercise for thirty

minutes each day.”



Set Moderately Difficult But Realistic Goals

The goal must be moderately difficult but realistic; if it is too easy to attain
its achievement will provide little motivation for further improvement. The
difficulty of the goal cannot exceed the ability of the performer, yet research
tells us as long as accomplishing the goal is possible, the more difficult the
goal the better the performance will be.

The realization of goals that are too difficult: “I will sell $2,000,000 in
products this year,” for someone who averages $350,000 per year, will be
unlikely. However, difficult but obtainable goals “I will sell $1,500,000 in
products” for someone who sold $1,000,000 last year can be realized.

Set short-range as well as long-range goals. Short-term goals help you
keep the long-range goals in sight. “I will lose a pound this week” allows
you to re-focus each week on the long-range goal of losing 10 pounds in
3 months. Short term goals provide the immediate gratification that spurs
rededication.



Set Process and Performance Goals as Well as Outcome Goals

Process  and  Performance  Goals  lead  to  the  achievement  of  Outcome
goals.   You  set  a  realistic  Outcome  Goal  to  sell  $1,000,000  in  products
and services in the year. You need processes in place to help you attain
that goal.

Here are Process and Performance goals you might set to

achieve this sales goal:

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1. I will make 25 cold calls a day this year. This is a Performance

goal likely to enhance the realization of the Outcome Goal.

2. I will call 5 of my current customers a day this year to see if

there is anything I can do for them. This is another Performance
Goal designed to aid the realization of the Outcome Goal.

3. I will join The Rotary Club, attend each meeting, contribute

to the organization, become part of the community and pro-
actively  network  with  my  Rotary  peers.  This  is  a  Process
Goal:  by  engaging  in  these  practices,  you  will  meet  new
contacts, help others and create long term relationships that
will ultimately lead to referrals or introductions.  It’s a Process
you engage in to help reach your Outcome Goal.

4. I will read books and articles about sales and my industry for

an hour a day each day this year. This is another Process
Goal-you will learn from those that have accomplished the
same goals you are trying to achieve and become a resource
for industry information.

5. I will create a networking group within the next month that

will  include  salespersons  in  similar  industries  to  mine  who
work  with  buyers  similar  to  those  with  whom  I  work.  Our
objective will be to exchange leads throughout this year. This
is a combination Process/Performance Goal.  It requires you
perform  actions  not  currently  being  done  and  engage  in  a
process that should enhance mutual sales.

6. I will hold a lunch at my company each quarter to educate

the public on my company’s products and services. This is a

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- Advanced Goal Setting Techniques -

combination Process/Performance Goal because it requires
performance of the act of hosting and the process of prospect
education.

7. I will sell $80,500 a month in products and services starting

this month. This is a short term Outcome Goal. Remember
we need to have short-term and long-term goals.

If you pursued all seven of these Goals would your sales increase? Might
you realize the overall Outcome Goal? Use this technique for all of your
goals. It is incredibly effective and doesn’t take much time.

If you like to cross your T’s and dot your I’s, the Sample Stair Case model
below may help you map your path to goal achievement. It will allow you
to visually capture how you reach your outcome goals through process and
performance goals.



Set Positive Goals as Opposed to Negative Goals

Goals should be stated in the positive.  They should, for example, identify
behaviors  that  should  be  exhibited  rather  than  those  that  should  not  be
exhibited.  When  we  set  our  goals  in  a  negative  format,  our  Reticular
Activating  System  begins  to  hound  us  all  day.    For  example,  a  poorly,
written Negative Goal might be: “I don’t want to be fat anymore.”   Each day
when you see that written goal, your Reticular Activating System will allow
the goal to access your mind, on the conscious and unconscious level, with
this message:  “This is important, you are already fat.”  Your goal of losing
weight will be lost in your negative feelings; the message from the RAS will
just make you feel bad.  Write the goal this way:  “I will lose 10 pounds by
April 9th by eating the appropriate amount of calories and exercising 45

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minutes a day.” This positive Outcome Goal can be supported by Process
and Performance goals beneath it that will assure you attain it.



Identify Target Dates for attaining Goals

Not only should goals describe the behavior of focus in specific measurable
terms, but they should identify target dates for goal accomplishment. Time
lines provide a sense of urgency to help us accomplish our goals. A goal
without a date is merely a daydream!



Identify Goal achievement Strategies

An important ingredient for any effective goal-setting program is identification
of the strategies necessary to achieving its goals.

For example, if you want to gain employment develop strategies that will

Present ability. Have a bad

relationship with my brother.

Performance Goal 3: Visualize feeling loving,

forgiving and relaxed when calling my brother;

visualize telling him I want to be family again, once a

day for five minutes, 7 days before bed.

Process Goal 1: Talk to my family

Saturday about what they think I can do

to improve this relationship.

Process Goal 2: Talk to my mentor about

the relationship this Monday.

Outcome Goal: Three weeks

from today I will call my brother

and explain that I want to be a

brother to him again.

Performance Goal 4: Read about the

importance of family and how to mend

relationships, half an hour a day until book is

complete.

Series of Goals for Brothers trying to Make Up

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- Advanced Goal Setting Techniques -

maximize opportunities to meet new people.  Join social clubs, Toastmasters,
The Rotary Club, or Kiwanis. Give your time—volunteer with organizations
that need your donated help but that also allow your skill sets, talents and
dedication to be witnessed by others. Gather with others as frequently as
possible; meet as many like-minded, positive people as you can.  Engage
with peers who have recently found employment, or with friends who are
good networkers.  Build your resume and send it to everyone you know.
Make your outcome goal to find a job associated with your passions.  Make
your process and performance goals (i.e. 3 interviews a week starting next
Monday ending when I find a job) ones that help you reach your outcome
goal.



Provide and Obtain Support for Goals

A goal setting program will not work unless the loved ones in our lives
support it. Therefore, efforts must be made to help educate those around
about your goals and to seek their encouragement.

are you ready? Click below to go access your password protected Game-
Changing Life Strategies Web Page and Enter Your Goals!

Those with hard copy books please type in:

http://www.alc-performanceenhancement.com/design-your-destiny/goals.aspx

- Game-Changing Life Strategies -

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Chapter 47 – Beliefs or
Knowledge?

“Most people think beliefs are objective, information comes
in from our senses, the information is processed, and the
belief is created. It is like we didn’t have the ability to
create a belief, it was just made. If this was true it would
be terrible to ever judge someone on their beliefs, because,
after all, they never had a choice in the matter.”
-Editor of www.PicktheBrain.com

ur ingrained beliefs can sometimes be more powerful than the
strength of our goals. Our brains have a natural tendency to

convert beliefs into what we might consider knowledge.  If you believe in
something strongly, that belief will soon become your reality.  Beliefs are
a taproot of human behavior and understanding their power is critical to
self-improvement.  If we learn how to change negative beliefs into positive
beliefs we will be endowed with one of the most powerful psychological
tools available for our success.

For  example,  I  used  to  believe  I  was  fat,  and  if  you  believe  you  are
overweight  you  will  allow  yourself  indulgences  because  that’s  what  an
overweight person would do.  If I believe I am an overweight person then
I  am  going  to  do  what  I  believe  overweight  people  do,  overeat!    If  you
believe someone is better than you, will it not be difficult to beat them in
a  contest?    If  you  believe  that  you  have  a  dysfunctional  family,  will  you
behave like you have a dysfunctional family?  The power of beliefs is so
strong it is difficult to overestimate the power it has in shaping our behavior.
To  achieve  success,  we  need  to  identify  which  beliefs  empower  us  and

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which beliefs limit our capacity. Then we need to eliminate the negative
beliefs and make the positive beliefs part of our daily success strategy.

Game-Changing Life Strategies password protected web portal will allow
you to navigate through life with positive beliefs versus negative beliefs.

Many  people  confuse  beliefs  with  knowledge.  Every  day  we  process
objective  information  and  place  opinions  and  thoughts  upon  it  creating
beliefs, moments later those beliefs become knowledge.  Most create their
own  personal  knowledge  from  their  beliefs.    Few  understand  that  their
beliefs direct their behavior, define their personal realities and affect how
they are viewed by others.  Beliefs can either ease the achievement of your
goals or make them much more difficult to attain.

Unfortunately, most are burdened by beliefs that limit rather than expand
their capacity for success.

Assume you have set this Outcome Goal: I will weigh 130 pounds by February
18th because of proper eating habits and exercising 45 minutes a day.

However you have these Negative Beliefs:

I am fat.

I am big boned.

I like to eat larger portions.

I don’t like to exercise.

I love to snack at night.

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They make it incredibly more difficult to accomplish your goal. Within a few
days, without a coach or a personal self-help portal, your Negative Beliefs
might override your desire to achieve your goal. Despite the supporting
messages from your RAS, you risk reverting to those behaviors that led
you to become overweight: you might order fast food, pizzas, curly fries,
milkshakes, sodas and ice cream.

But not with the power of Game-Changing Life Strategies.  It provides you
the tools to change what you believe, through your interactive password
protected  web  portal,    where  you  will  write  down  Positive  Beliefs  and
eliminate  Negative  Beliefs.    With  this  capacity  you  will  combine  your
Goals with your Positive Beliefs.  The patented web portal will reinforce
your  positive  Beliefs  for  21  days  making  them  part  of  your  conscious,
unconscious and physiological make up.

If you choose to believe you can lose weight, you create a compelling list
of Positive Beliefs replacing the Negative Beliefs above:

I can lose weight; it is my choice.

I am healthier; I’ve started eating breakfast and snacking on fruits.

I enjoy the exercise; I’ve extended my work outs from 30 minutes to
an hour.

I’ve lost 2 pounds in the first week and I believe I can continue this trend.

I like feeling thinner; I look better when I am thinner; I feel happier.

I can lose weight; I’ve made it my choice.

Each “reality” on both lists is true, but our beliefs determine which reality we

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- Beliefs or Knowledge? -

focus on, which knowledge we give credence to. When we lose confidence
or  dwell  on  failure,  even  more  facts  can  be  added  to  the  failure  list,
strengthening the Negative Beliefs. When we choose to believe in success,
positive  results  emerge.  The  Positive  Beliefs  you  choose  will  become
stronger  over  21  days,  or  longer  if  you  choose,  through  the  pattern  of
reinforcement created and maintained by Game-Changing Life Strategies.

The Importance in Believing You Will Succeed

Positive  beliefs  don’t  assure  success,  but  you  will  not  achieve  success
without positive beliefs.  When you believe you can succeed, your mind
overcomes challenges; your belief becomes true.  Your mind goes to work
to make it true. Your new beliefs create new action.

We have the choice to believe what we want to believe and to focus on
those that empower us. Why would we choose to believe in anything other
than our own success? We all have Negative Beliefs and the power to
replace them with Positive Beliefs.

Click below to go to your Game-Changing Life Strategies password protected
web page. In the exercise type in the Negative Beliefs you have for each of
your selected goals.

http://www.alc-performanceenhancement.com/design-your-destiny/beliefs.aspx

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Chapter 48 - Pain Versus
Pleasure

“The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds,
bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we
choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we
will instantly change our behaviors.”- Anthony Robbins

ou have written down your Negative Beliefs and recognized them.
Let’s take a look into the future with your Negative Beliefs and

remember none of this has happened yet, this is just an imaginary glimpse
into the future.

This  visualization  exercise  will  reinforce  your  commitment  to  banish
Negative Beliefs from your psychological make-up forever.  Look at your
Negative Beliefs one more time and read them aloud.  Take a deep breath
and focus on each Negative Belief; recall the pain you have experienced
throughout your life due to these beliefs. Go back in time, as far as you can
remember. Think about how living with those beliefs impacted your life and
the pain they caused you.

Bring that pain with you to the present, don’t shy away from it. Feel it
affecting your family, your friends, your relationships, your home, your job,
and your health. Recognize the cause of the pain-the Negative Beliefs you
have carried around for too long.

Take the pain with you to the future-ten years from now.  What do your
family  and  friends  look  like  in  ten  years?    Does  conflict  define  those
relationships?    Picture  your  home,  where  do  you  live?    Where  do  you
work?  Does disappointment define your reaction?  Look at the state of

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your mental and physical health.  Have you neglected both?  See yourself
in the mirror, and try to picture what you look like.  Imagine your friends and
family are in the room, what are they thinking about you, what are they saying?
How do you feel?

Go forward again, twenty years from now; then as far as you can see in the
future.  How much pain are you experiencing because you didn’t change?
What do your family and friends look like now?  Does conflict define those
relationships?  Picture your home, where do you live?  Where do you work?
Does disappointment define your reaction?  Look at the state of your mental
and physical health.  Have you neglected both? See yourself in the mirror, and
try to picture what you look like now.  Imagine your friends and family are in the
room, what are they thinking about you, what are they saying?  How do you
feel having carried these Negative beliefs for all these years?  Do your goals
remain unrealized because of your Negative Beliefs? How many opportunities
passed by without realization?  Focus on the pain; feel the pain; experience
the sense of loss, the futility.

Take a deep breath and realize that it hasn’t happened.  Recognize you can
change right now.  Understand that you can replace the grim reality of your
Negative  Beliefs  with  the  incredibly  fulfilled  lives  that  Positive  Beliefs  can
bring.  Now let’s return to your Game-Changing Life Strategies Web Portal
and replace those Negative Beliefs with Positive Beliefs!

Notice that we have crossed out in BOLD Your Negative Beliefs. They are GONE!

E Books click below, those with hard copy books please type in:

http://www.alc-performanceenhancement.com/design-your-destiny/beliefs.aspx

It is time to create new beliefs! Beliefs that are empowering, beliefs that will
allow you to do what you want in life, beliefs that will provide you with the

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bountiful successful life all human beings deserve.

We are going to make your old beliefs Positive. We provide you with a few
examples:



If your Negative Beliefs asserted you were destined to be
overweight you can write:

I believe I can be thin.

I believe I can eat healthy portions and feel satiated.

I believe I can look good and feel good about myself.

I believe I can lose weight and feel good about it.

I believe that I can exercise and feel good.



If your Negative Beliefs insisted you didn’t deserve a good
relationship with someone, you can write:

I believe I deserve a loving relationship with others and myself.

I believe I am one of natures’ beautiful souls and can live in harmony with
others.

I believe I love my family and myself.

I believe I deserve a life full of bountiful relationships.



If your Negative Beliefs argued you didn’t deserve to make
money, you can write:

I believe I deserve a financially successful life.

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- Pain Versus Pleasure -

I believe I can work harder than others.

I believe I can provide great value to my colleagues, customers and company.

I believe I am deserving of a career that can provide me a substantial
income.

Once you have written down your Positive Beliefs let’s see how
bountiful your life becomes:

Take a deep breath and relax.  When you are ready, read your Positive
Beliefs aloud and repetitively; make certain you remember them.   Think
about the new beliefs you have; life is abundant and full of joy.  Reflect on
the passion for life you have with these Positive beliefs driving you daily.

Go back in time, as far as you can remember and reflect on the impact
those  new  beliefs  could  have  had  on  your  life;  reflect  on  how  much
better-how  much  more  pleasurable  life  would  have  been  had  you
embraced them years ago.

With these Positive Beliefs, what has changed?  What do your family and
friends look like in ten years, are they healthier, do they look younger?
Picture your home, where do you live, is it the beautiful home you have
always  wanted?    With  these  Positive  Beliefs  now  in  place  where  do
you work, is it rewarding?  Does pride define your reaction?  Feel how
mentally  and  physically  healthy  you  are.    See  yourself  in  the  mirror,
and picture what you look like, do you look younger and happier with
these Positive Beliefs?  Imagine your friends and family are in the room,
what are they thinking about you, what are they saying?  Can you feel
their admiration?  How do you feel now having accomplished your goals
empowered by your Positive beliefs?

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Do harmony, appreciation and love define your relationships?  Do passion,
contentment and pride hallmark your feelings?  Have you grown, improved…
thrived?  See yourself in the mirror, many old goals realized, many current
goals about to become reality, new goals beckoning you, challenging you.

You’ve changed your beliefs; you know it can be, will be.

Go forward again, twenty years from now; then as far as you can see in
the  future.  How  much  pleasure  surrounds  you  because  you  did  change
your  beliefs?  How  many  goals  have  you  conquered  because  of  your
Positive  Beliefs?  How  many  opportunities  seized;  how  many  dreams
realized?  Focus on the pleasure; feel the pleasure; experience the sense
of accomplishment, the success.

Now see yourself at your 75th Birthday party.  Your family and friends have
gathered at your favorite hotel to drink champagne and celebrate your life!
What  are  you  wearing?    Look  at  the  joy  in  everyone’s  eyes.    Hear  the
laughter of your family; then hear a fork clink on a glass:  you must pause;
you must listen.  Your son, daughter, and loved ones make a toast to honor
you.  They congratulate you for achieving all that you wanted to achieve;
they smile at you and their eyes are moist.  They love you so much.  You
are  an  inspiration  to  them.    Look  across  the  room.    See  yourself  in  the
mirror, one of those beautiful old mirrors with a silver and gold frame, see
your reflection.  Do you look younger than your age?  Do you feel happier
because you accomplished everything you set out to accomplish?   Are you
amazed how good you still feel because you accomplished everything you
wanted to accomplish? Because you believed in yourself?

Congratulations the future filled with Pleasure is yours!

Game-Changing Life Strategies will now reinforce your

Positive beliefs

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- Pain Versus Pleasure -

for 21 days with interactive emails. Look at them every day for 21 days;
your new beliefs will become part of your physiological make up. They
will become more than a part of what you believe; they will embed in your
brain. They will create a neural pathway within your mind that will grow and
strengthen over time. They will be part of your conscious, unconscious and
physiological self.

Congratulations, you reflect success!

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Chapter 49 - Associations

“All thought is a feat of association; having what’s in front
of you bring up something in your mind that you almost
didn’t know you knew.”-Robert Frost

ow do you spell relief? R O L A I D S. What does a Snickers candy
bar do? It satisfies... When you see the Nike Logo what do think?

Just do it or maybe Tiger Woods. We can’t help it; these associations are
rooted in our cognizance.

All of the best marketing professionals know how to use Associations. Nike
established the association between Tiger Woods and their brand for a
singular reason- they believed that he would be an extremely successful
professional golfer and they wanted Nike’s name associated with his. They
wanted the world to associate their products with success. Their association
with Tiger transferred his success in the mind of the world, to the company
with whom he was associated and its products. Tiger’s success echoed
whenever the Nike name was mentioned. Nike golf products, clubs and
balls gained a prominent place in the market almost overnight.

Before  Tiger  Woods,  Nike  associated  its  name  and  products  with
Michael Jordan, arguably the best basketball player ever.  They were a
shoe company; Air Jordan redefined an industry.  Jordan’s success was
inextricably linked to Nike—the brand leveraged that association to greater
and greater success.

Leonard Nimoy, the actor who portrayed Spock in the Star Trek TV series
and movies, was hired by companies such as Aleve, Celestron Telescopes,
and Oldsmobile to promote their products. Why? Because these companies
wanted the association with the success attributes of the character Spock.

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If “Spock” thinks something is good, it must be good thinks the world; Spock
is extremely smart! When Spock associates himself with products tied to
mechanics or the sciences, such as Olds or Celestron we associate that
product with intelligence.

Consciously  and  unconsciously,  we  associate  outcomes  or  viewpoints
with  situations,  and  those  associations  determine  our  behavior  in  those
situations.

You have a minor psychological association with fast food that tells you it
isn’t that good for you.  You have a stronger association with fast food that
tells you it tastes great, it’s inexpensive, it satisfies you and that eating it
lets you escape the stress of the moment and relax.  You will choose to eat
fast food.

Conversely if your associations with fast food make you recall how
overweight you’ve been before, make you recall unflattering pictures of
yourself, make you think of low energy, an unhealthy life, and not feeling
good long-term the opposite will occur. You will not end up in the fast food
drive-thru.

You can associate work with all of its potential negatives:  cramped seating
behind  a  desk  all  day,  unpleasant  phone  calls  you  don’t  want  to  make,
responsibility for tasks you don’t want to do and accountability to someone
you don’t respect or care for.  If you foster these associations, you won’t
like your work- won’t like the thing you do one third of your life-time.

Or you can associate work with all its positives: the money that provides
for yourself and your family, the opportunity to grow, advance and mature
in a system, the chance to contribute your time, your intelligence, and your
efforts to advance your colleagues, your company, and the community. If

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you foster these associations, the desk will seem less cramped, the phone
calls potentially pleasurable, the responsibility for tasks an opportunity for
recognition and reward and accountability to anyone else easy- for you
embrace accountability for personal excellence to someone you do respect
and care for: yourself. If you can associate more pleasure to what you are
doing than pain, you will like what you are doing.

Successful People choose to find a positive association with every potential
situation- knowing that all situations have both positive and negative
associations potentially attached.

Throughout history, those in power, those seeking power and those seeking
to resist the power of others have understood the power of Associations
and how they can be used to direct and drive behavior of individuals and
even societies.  Hitler used his fascist propaganda machine to associate
people  of  Jewish  heritage  with  the  financial  and  social  ills  of  Germany
following  World  War  I. That  propaganda  campaign  created  associations
with the Jewish People that were so debasing and dehumanizing that it
spurred a nation to look the other way during the Holocaust.

During the same period, during World War II, Japanese Kamikaze pilots
were reminded over and over of the teaching of their ancestral worship,
that their death meant ultimate honor to their family and there was more
pleasure associated to their death than was pain. The power of these
associations made their personal sacrifice the natural outcome.

Associations become anchors in our psyche either through repetition-seeing
or hearing the association over and over again-or when emotional levels
are intense. On a practical level this means we must be cautious when we
are in situations where heightened emotional involvement exists. When

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- Associations -

we fight or argue with those with whom we have intimate relationships, our
spouses, our families, our dearest friends, our closest business associates,
we need to remember that strong associations are likely to be created. We
will create positive associations if we remember the love, care and respect
we have for the person and disagree fairly.  When we utilize empathy as
Dr. Tony Alessandra emphasized earlier in the book, relationships improve
dramatically.  When we do it properly, the disagreements might be painful,
but the repetitive association of love, care and respect can be curative and
positive.  When we fight and argue with intense emotion, when we forget
the repetitive love, care and respect, we can create a negative association
with our loved ones that will resurface at every encounter thereafter.

Whatever dominant associations we have with a situation determines our
behavior in that situation. We can choose to associate different feelings
with any situation if we want to AND, if we have enough leverage, we can
change those that will dominate. We need to be able to associate either
more pleasure or less pain with a situation if we want to change.

The habit of smoking illustrates the complexity of challenges we face with
the embedded associations in our lives. Many express a desire to quit
smoking. However, if they actually find more pleasure in smoking than they
find pain in the potential of dying early, getting lung cancer, or showing their
children their lack of concern for the impact on the children, they won’t be
able to stop.

However, if they were to make a list, evaluate it and truly began to associate
more pain with smoking than pleasure, their ability to change, to quit, would
improve.  They would still fight many other associations that made them
start smoking in the first place.   Advertisers made them associate smoking
with  a  sophisticated,  sexy,  rebellious  and  relaxing  lifestyle.  Their  peers

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in  adolescence  helped  them  associate  smoking  with  “growing  up”,  with
“doing  the  cool  thing”,  with  being  “in.”   Their  peers  in  adulthood  helped
them associate smoking with “relaxation”, “kicking back” and “being off the
clock.”  Coupled with the physical addiction of nicotine, those trying to quit
smoking need face a challenge-one that requires they understand all the
underlying associations with smoking that must be changed for success to
occur.

If our associations with work provide us more pleasure and less pain when
we barely get the job done, when we survive but don’t thrive financially, when
we do just enough to keep the boss happy, we will not change.  However, we
can choose to associate more pleasure than pain with working that extra hour,
with reading about our profession and engaging more with our colleagues.
We can choose to associate more pleasure than pain with heightened focus
on  the  greater  financial  rewards  possible,  the  respect  we  might  get  from
our peers, the opportunities we might create for our family and others, the
home we might live in. If we can associate the greatest pleasure with working
harder and smarter, then we will work harder and smarter.

Knowledge is power. Knowing that we have the choice to associate more
pleasure and less pain to a situation-or vice versa- and that if we do our
behavior in that situation can change, puts us in control of our destiny.  How
much  in  control?  What  if  when  we  started  feeling  frustrated  we  actually
smiled because we knew we could overcome the situation?  What if when
we start feeling frustrated we thought, “I recognize this feeling; frustration
means I have an opportunity to change, to improve.  I’ve successfully dealt
with this before, and I will successfully do it again.” How would that feel?

That is the power of Associations.

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- Associations -

For example:

Work frustrates you. Take the opportunity to appreciate your career again
by replacing the negative associations you have with your work situation
with positive ones. Game-Changing Life Strategies will begin its interactive
process reminding you of these positive associations and reinforcing them
for 21 days- until they become part of your conscious, unconscious and
physiological makeup.

Situation: You are Frustrated at Work and Have These Negative
associations With Your Career:

I hate going to work every day and barely making ends meet.

I hate getting so bored every day I have to drink coffee at 2 PM to make it
through the day.

I hate it when my boss doesn’t appreciate my work.

I hate sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day.

I can’t stand the stress created by company management.

Change: I Will Create These Positive associations with My Career:

My career provides me the opportunity to provide for my family.

My career provides me opportunities for growth—I need only pursue them.

My career provides me opportunity to learn if I take it.

My career can give me the respect of my colleagues and managers, if I
choose to earn it.

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My career provides me with the ability to own a car and a home, or rent an
apartment.

My career provides me the opportunity to help others grow.

My career provides me the opportunity to demonstrate my dedication and
talent.

My career gives me the chance to hold myself accountable for excellence.

Now we are going to click on the link below link to go back to your password
protected Game-Changing Life Strategies web page. There you will recount
in writing a situation or person that frustrates you. Rather than writing down
all of the negative associations you have with that situation or person, you
are going to write down all of the positive associations.

Those with hard copy books please type in:

http://www.alc-performanceenhancement.com/design-your-destiny/associations.
aspx

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- Associations -

Chapter 50 – Conclusions

ongratulations, you have embarked on your chosen path to success.

You now understand how to establish yourself in the most successful

circles surrounding you using the Laws of Attraction and Pareto’s Principle.
You  understand and have engaged in Advanced Goal Setting Techniques
utilized by the most successful Professional Athletes and Business Leaders.
You understand the power of flexibility, versatility, and how to expand your
vision.  You understand the power of beliefs and how to examine and adjust
your beliefs-making them congruent with your goals and your life objectives,
empowering you to achieve them.  You understand Associations and how
to use them to change your behaviors in the situations you encounter in
life, and the interplay of Pleasure and Pain with those Associations.

Now you need only to choose to continue your unending journey to greater
and greater success. You have a  virtual Coach in your Game-Changing
Life  Strategies  personalized  self-help  portal  that  will  accompany  you  on
the way.  You can utilize these strategies to help you achieve your goals in
the most effective manner possible.  Life is bountiful.   Financial rewards,
personal growth, love, respect and pleasure are available to all those that
pursue them.  Choose to achieve; you now have all the tools you need to
define your goals and your desired accomplishments and to successfully
attain them.

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References

Alessandra, Tony, Ph.D., and Michael J. O’Connor, Ph.D. 2009. People
Smart in Business. San Diego, CA: Platinum Rule Press.

Alessandra, Tony, Ph.D., and Michael J. O’Connor, Ph.D. 2009. People
Smart With Family and Friends. San Diego, CA: Platinum Rule Press.

Alessandra, Tony, Ph.D., and Michael J. O’Connor, Ph.D. 1996. The
Platinum Rule

. New York, NY: Warner Books.

Alessandra, Tony, Ph.D., and Michael J. O’Connor, Ph.D. 1994. People
Smarts. San Diego, CA: Pfeiffer & Company.

Chopra, Deepak, (1994),

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Amber-

Allen Publishing, San Rafael, CA.

Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, (1997), Finding Flow, The Psychology of
Engagement with Everyday Life. Basic Books, New York, NY.

Covey, Stephen, (2004), 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press,
New York, NY

Daas, Ram & Gorman Paul (1985), How Can I Help?, Alfred A Knopff, New
York, NY.

Duda,  Joan,  L  ,&  Treasure  C.  Darren  (2006)  (5th  ed.).    Applied  Sports
Psychology   pp.  58-82 Chapters: Motivational Process and the Facilitation
of  Performance  Persistence,  and  Well  Being  in  Sport.    McGraw  Hill
Publishing, New York, NY

Egan, G., ( 2002) The Skilled Helper, Brooks Cole, Pacific Grove, USA.

Giges,Burt (2000). Doing Sports Psychology pp 17-33 Chapters: Removing

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Psychological Barriers: Clearing the Way. Human Kinetics, Champaign, IL.

Gould, Daniel (2006) (5th ed.). Applied Sports Psychology pp. 240-260
Chapters: Goal Setting for Peak Performance. McGraw Hill Publishing,
New York, NY

Hale, Bruce & Seiser, Lynn, & McGuire, E.J. & Weinrich, Eric (2005).
Applying Sports Psychology pp. 117-132 Chapters: Mental Imagery.
Human Kinetics, Champaign, IL.

Gladwell, Malcolm, (2008), Outliers, The Story of Success. Little Brown
and Company. New York, NY

Kabat-Zinn, Jon (1994), Wherever You Go There You Are. Hyperion, New
York, NY

Krane, Vicki & Williams, Jean (2006) (5th ed.). Applied Sports Psychology
pp. 207-228 Chapters: Psychological Characteristics of Peak Performance.
McGraw Hill Publishing, New York, NY

Marchant, Daryl (2000). Doing Sports Psychology pp 93-105 Chapters:
Targeting Futures: Goal Setting for Professional Athletes. Human Kinetics,
Champaign, IL.

Maxwell, Maltz, (1960), Psycho-Cybernetics. Pocket Books, New York, NY.

Robbins, Tony (1986), Unlimited Power. Free Press, New York, NY

Robbins, Tony (2000), The Ultimate Edge Compact Disc Collection.

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Robbins Research International, San Diego, CA.

Ruiz, Don Miguel, (1997), The Four Agreements, A Practical Guide to
Personal Freedom a Toltec Wisdom Book. Amber Allan Publishing, San
Rafael, CA.

Simons, Jeff (2000). Doing Sports Psychology pp 77-93 Chapters: Doing
Imagery in the Field. Human Kinetics, Champaign, IL.

Smith, Ronald, E., (2006) (5th ed.). Applied Sports Psychology )pp.
40-57 Chapters: Positive Reinforcement, Performance Feedback, and
Performance Enhancement. McGraw Hill Publishing, New York, NY.

Tracy, Brian (2009). Reinvention: How to Make the Rest of Your Life the
Best of Your Life. Amacom, New York, NY .

Vealey, S. Robin & Greanleaf, Christy (2006) (5th ed.). Applied Sports
Psychology pp. 285-306 Chapters: Seeing is Believing Understanding
and Using Imagery in Sport. McGraw Hill Publishing, New York, NY.

Waitley, Denis (1979) The Psychology of Winning. Berkley Publishing, New
York, NY.

Waitley, Denis (2002) The Platinum Collection, Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.
International Learning Technologies.

Walker, Brent & Foster, Sandra & Daubert, Scott, & Nathan, DeeDee
(2005). Applying Sports Psychology pp. 3-15 Chapters: Motivation. Human
Kinetics, Champaign, IL.

Weinberg, Robert, & Harmison, Robert & Rosekranz, Ric & Stacia Hookom
(2005). Applying Sports Psychology pp. 3-15 Chapters: Goal Setting.
Human Kinetics, Champaign, IL.

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- References -

Williams, M, Jean & Harris, Dorothy (2006) (5th ed.). Applied Sports
Psychology pp. 285-306 Chapters: Relaxation and Energizing Techniques
for Regulation of Arousal. McGraw Hill Publishing, New York, NY

Williams, Patrick & Davis, Deborah. (2002) Therapist as Life Coach. Norton
Publishing, New York, NY.

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About the Authors

About Sam Johnson

Sam  Johnson  is  a  noted  author,  savvy
entrepeneur  and  business  consultant  with  a
history of successful ventures. Sam has a unique
ability  to  help  others  because  his  kind  nature
stimulates  innovation,  while  his  result  oriented
determination keeps clients accountable. Sam’s
charisma derives from his “team player attitude”

and his ability to keep clients moving forward despite obstacles. He is
currently a Partner at

Game-Changing Strategists, LLC., a multifaceted

Business Consulting Firm in San Diego, CA. Additionally; he is the
Founder and serves as the President of ALC. ALC is an innovative training
organization that provides dynamic performance enhancement training to
sales professionals, corporate managers, students, athletes and individuals
from all walks of life to give them the mental tools needed to unlock their
full potential. He developed and teaches the

Four Post Foundations for

Success

training program; an incredibly powerful set of tools that will

unleash the highest levels of performance capabilities of every individual.
His latest work was the development of a Patented Behavior Modification
System that is generating interest from Sports Teams to Private Firms to
individuals seeking help.

Sam also founded Competitor Consulting, the sister company of ALC that
works specifically with individual athletes, teams and coaches. Competitive
sports training starts with the body and ends with the mind. Elite athletes,
by nature, have an unequaled dedication to the physical side of their sport

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but often need better tools to help them work on the mental side of their
game. Competitor Consulting fills the gap and provides the athlete with the
mental training and assistance they need.

Prior  to  founding  ALC  and  Competitor  Consulting,  Sam  was  a  Partner
in  Technology  Assurance  Group  (TAG),  a  national  training  and
consulting  organization  that  works  with  leading  independently  owned
telecommunications  companies.  Sam  successfully  added  more  than
100  new  member  companies  to  the  organization  and  provided  dynamic
business training sessions to help them increase sales, profit margins and
their economic buying power.

Johnson holds a Bachelor’s Degree from the University California San
Diego, holds a Certificate in DISC Personality Theory, is professionally
trained in Meyers Briggs Type Indicator, and holds a Certificate in Sports
Psychology from SDUIS. He is completed all courseware for his Masters in
Psychology and in the process of finishing his thesis.

Sam can be reached at:

samj@alc-performanceenhancement.com

sam@gcstrategists.com

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- Biographies -

About Dan Moody

Dan is the Founder and President of

Game-

Changing  Strategists,  LLC,  a  multifaceted
Business  Consulting  Firm  in  San  Diego,  CA..
He is a noted author, and for the last 12 years
a  highly  sought  after  consultant  after  leaving  a
successful 25 year career in the corporate world.

Over the course of his career he has been a very

successful  Salesperson,  Sales  Manager,  Sales  Trainer,  Executive  Vice
President of Sales, Vice President of Business Development and a leading
Sales Consultant & Strategist. He has successfully led large geographically
dispersed  sales  forces  of  Fortune  500  Companies  as  well  as  the  sales
teams of numerous privately owned firms. It is in the area of Sales Training
and Performance Enhancement that he has gained the most notoriety with
the development of his

7-Step Collaborative Selling Solution

training

program.

Prior to starting his consulting career, Dan was part of the founding group
and served as Vice President of Sales & Marketing for The National
Dispatch Center; a leading provider of Communications Gateway Services
to wireless communications carriers. During his career he has also
held sales management and executive management positions with FSV
Payment Systems, Fujitsu Business Communications, GTE, Sprint/North
Supply and Honeywell.

Dan has a wealth of experience in the start-up world having co-founded
several technology and professional services companies. In addition to the
National Dispatch Center, he also co-founded NavSearch Technologies, an

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early provider of location based information services for automobiles and
Recreational Vehicles.

After becoming a business consultant he has successfully helped launch
several high tech start-ups across the country. He has provided guidance
in the development of business plans, sales & marketing strategies, fund
raising and strategic planning. He has often taken an active day-to-day role
in these ventures serving in such roles as Interim President, COO and VP
of Sales & Marketing. He has also served in the capacity of Advisory Board
Member to several San Diego firms. Dan is known for his ability stimulate
organizations when they need it the most.

As  a  result  of  his  depth  of  experience  managing  the  overall  operations
of  small  and  mid-size  companies  Dan  expanded  his  consulting  practice
several  years  ago  to  include  Management  and  Leadership  Coaching.
He  works  with  business  owners,  executives,  senior  managers  and
management teams to help them look beyond their day-to-day challenges
and to focus more strategically. His coaching programs can help get any
business running at peak performance; improve the operational efficiency
and the bottom line results. He helps create and implement strategic plans
that take companies to the next level.

Dan can be contacted at dan@gcstrategists.com

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- Biographies -

About Dr. Tony Alessandra

Dr.  Tony Alessandra  has  a  street-wise,  college
smart  perspective  on  business,  having  been
raised in the housing projects of NYC to eventually
realizing  success  as  a  graduate  professor  of
marketing,  entrepreneur,  business  author  and
hall-of-fame keynote speaker. He earned a BBA
from the University Of Notre Dame, an MBA from

the University of Connecticut and his Ph.D. in marketing from Georgia
State University.

In  addition  to  being  president  of  AssessmentBusinessCenter.com,  a
company that offers on-line 360 degree assessment, Tony is also a founding
partner  in  the  Cyrano  Group  and  Platinum  Rule  Group  –  companies
which  have  successfully  combined  cutting  edge  technology  and  proven
psychology to give salespeople the ability to build and maintain positive
relationships with hundreds of clients and prospects.

Dr. Alessandra is a prolific author with 20 books translated into over 50
foreign language editions, including the best-selling

Switched-On Selling,

the newly revised best-seller

The NEW art of Managing People (Free

Press/Simon and Shuster, 2008); Charisma (Warner Books, 1998);

The

Platinum Rule (Warner Books, 1996); Collaborative Selling (John Wiley
& Sons, 1993); and

Communicating at Work (Fireside/Simon and Shuster,

1993).

He is featured in over 100 audio/video programs and films, including
Relationship Strategies (American Media); The Dynamics of Effective

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Listening (Nightingale-Conant); Non-Manipulative Selling (Walt Disney).
He is also the originator of the internationally recognized behavioral style
assessment tool, The Platinum Rule

Recognized by Meetings & Conventions Magazine as “one of America’s
most electrifying speakers,” Dr. Alessandra was inducted into the Speakers
Hall of Fame in 1985. Tony’s polished style, powerful message, and proven
ability as a consummate business strategist consistently earn reviews and
loyal clients.

Contact information for Dr. Tony alessandra:

Dr. Tony’s Products: www.alessandra.com/products/index.asp

On-line assessments: Brandon Parker: 1-760-872-1500;
BParker@ParkerWebSolutions.com

Keynote Speeches: Holli Catchpole: 1-760-603-8110
Holli@SpeakersOffice.com

Corporate Training: Scoot Zimmerman 1-330-848-0444, X2
Scott@platinumrule.com

Cyrano CRM Marketing System: Scott Zimmerman 1-33-848-0444, X2
e-mail Scott@platinumrule.com

Document Outline