NehalemPack11

AWolftoSetHimFree

ForthepastfiveyearsEthanComptonhaslivedalonelylife.AfterthedeathofhisfiancéEthanshuthimselfofffromtherestofthe
world,afraidtoletsomeoneinjusttowatchthemleave.ButatripspentvisitingfriendsleadsEthantothemanwhomightjusthavethe
powertoteardownthewallssurroundinghisfragileheart.

HoldenAndersisalwaysupforachallengebuttheoneintheformofEthanproveshehashisworkcutoutforhim.Holdenisbeyond
happytohavefoundhismatebuthesoondiscoversthereisasadnessinEthan’spasthe’sunsurethemancanrecoverfrom.ButHolden
refusestogiveuponhimbecauseEthanhasstolenhisheart.

DeathisapartoflifeandEthanmustcometotermswiththatbeforeheletsthebestthingtoeverwalkintohislifeslipaway.

Genre:

Alternative(M/MorF/F),Contemporary,Paranormal,Vampires/Werewolves

Length:

42,146words

AWOLFTOSETHIMFREE

NehalemPack11

AJJarrett

EVERLASTINGCLASSIC

MANLOVE

SirenPublishing,Inc.

www.SirenPublishing.com

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Copyright©2014byAJJarrett
E-bookISBN:978-1-62741-619-1

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TableofContents

TitlePage
CopyrightPage
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
AbouttheAuthor

AWOLFTOSETHIMFREE

NehalemPack11

AJJARRETT

Copyright©2014

ChapterOne

Ethansatatthekitchentableandbutteredthetoasthe’dmade.Thecurtainshadbeenpulledback

over the large windows that were in front of him. The sun shined bright and caused Ethan to have to
squintfromthereflectionofftheglass.

Hepickeduphistoastandtookabiteashewatchedtheworldoutsideturneversoslowly,never

stopping.Ethancouldn’tactuallyseeit,butwiththepassingoftheseasonshefeltlikehecouldseeand
feelhowtimeslowlytickedby,notwaitingforanyone.Nomatterhowbadthingsgot,theworldnever
stoppedturning.

Ethandroppedhistoastandgrabbedhisnapkin.Thehotstingoftearsburnedatthebackofhis

eyes. It was almost cruel how life just kept going when everything around Ethan felt like it was
crumblingtotheground.Hewipedthenapkinoverhiseyesthentosseditonhisplate.

“Fiveyears,”hewhisperedtohimself.“Ineedtofindawaytomoveon.”
“Whatdidyousay,sweetheart?”
Ethanjumpedatthesoundofhismother’svoice.He’dneverheardhercomeintothekitchen.
“Oh nothing.” Ethan stood up and put his plate in the sink. “So what are you doing today,

mother?”

Eversincetheepisodethattookplacethreeyearsago,Ethanhadstayedwithhisparents.Inthe

house he grew up in. It might have seemed pathetic to some, but after kidnapping a man and then
attackingthatman’sboyfriend,well,Ethandidn’tfeellikelivingalone.Thevoicesseemedlouderwhen
no one was around. The memories of the past haunted him every fucking day and being around his
overprotectivemotherandlovingfatherhelpedtakethestingoutofliving.

“Well,yourfatherandIweremakingarrangementstoheadouttoLakeTahoetostayatourcabin.

Wewerehopingyouwouldcomewith.”

“InApril?”Ethantookadrinkfromhiscoffeemug.“Thesnowwon’tbegreatforskiingthistime

ofyear.”

“We know, it’s just…” Her voice trailed off as she looked over at the calendar that hung by the

refrigerator. He knew she was well aware of the date. He understood the meaning for the impromptu
trip.

“Mom,Iappreciatetheoffer,butreally,I’mfine.”Ethandrankdowntherestofhiscoffeeandset

theemptycupinthesink.

“Iknow,sweetheart.It’sjust.”Hismotherwrungherweatheredhandstogetherandtearsfilledher

eyes.“IknowhowmuchyoulovedJayandwitheachpassingyear,itdoesn’tlooklikeyou’regetting
betteratacceptinghisdeath.Iworryaboutyou.”

Accepting?Howwashetoacceptthedeathofthemanhelovedmorethanhimself?
Ethantookadeepbreath,tryingtocalmdownthebuildingragecoursingthroughhisveins.His

motherdidn’tmeanwhatshesaidtoberudebutitstillhurt.

“Mom,I’mnotsureI’lleverbeoverit.Ican’tacceptitbecauseIfeellikeifIdothenI’llforget

him.” Ethan turned around and rested his palms on the counter. The cold marble soothed the heat
rushingoverhisbody.

“Baby.” His mother rested a warm, smooth hand over his and he turned to look at her. “Just

becauseyoumoveondoesn’tmeanyouwillforget.”Shegavehimasmallsmile.“Theloveyoutwo
sharedwasspecial,butyouhavetobelievethatit’snottheonlyloveyouwilleverhave.Thingshappen
thataren’twithinourcontrol,butashumanbeings,weneedtogrieveandletgosothatwecanmove

on.Iloved Jay,too,and Iknowfor afactthis isn’twhat he’dwantfor you.”Shegave himawatery
smile.“He’dsayE-Baby,getoffyourassandmakemorememories.”

Ethan laughed. She was right. Jay would beat the shit out of Ethan if he saw him like this. But

sayinganddoingweretwodifferentthingsandhejustwasn’tquitethereyet.LettinggoofJayseemed
likeclosingadooronthelifetheysharedandhewasn’treadytodothatyet.

“I love you, Mom.” Ethan pulled his mother into his arms and hugged her tight. “You and Dad

shouldgoaloneandhaveagoodtime.”Hepulledanarm’slengthbacktomeethismother’sgaze.“You
and Dad deserve a break from babysitting me.” When she started to protest, Ethan held up a hand to
silenther.“Don’ttrytodenyit.Ididmessuproyally,butI’mbetternow.YouandDadshouldgoliveit
upforafewdays.”

“My sweet boy.” She cupped her hands over Ethan’s cheeks. “I can’t believe we are only given

onegreatloveinthislifewelive.Ithinkwejusthavetobeopentothepossibilitythatlovewillfindus
again.”

“Maybeyou’reright,Mom,butsomepeoplealsobelieveinsignsandallsignspointtothatnot

happeningforme.I’maonemankindofguy.”Hegrinnedather.

“Who knows, sweetheart, maybe you’ll get a sign proving you wrong. You’re just being

stubborn.”

“I’mjustbeingrealistic,Mom.”Ethanbentdownandkissedhercheek.“NowI’mofftoworkon

mymanuscript.”Hechuckled.“Whowouldhaveeverthoughtmygoingcrazywouldboostbooksales.
I’m,like,inhighdemand.”Hewinkedathismother.

“Would you please stop with that crazy nonsense?” She pointed a finger at him. “You lost your

wayisall.”

“Nah,Joshagreeswithme.”
“Ohgoodlord!”Sherolledhereyesbutstartedtolaugh.“IcanguaranteeJensendoesn’tfeelthat

wayatall,andwhatJensensaysgoeswhereJoshisconcerned.”

“Soverytrue.”Hewavedtohismotherandheadedtowardhisroom.
Ethansatdownathisdeskandpulleduphise-mail.Herespondedtohisagentinregardstohis

currentworkinprogress.Thesedaysittookhimlongertofindthewordstowritedown.Writingusedto
behispassionandoutletforhiscrazythoughtsbutnowitwasjusttiring.Hestillloveditbutitwasjust
differentnow.

Aftergoingthroughhisinbox,Ethangotbacktohiswriting.Timeseemtoloseallmeaningwhen

heworkedanditwasn’tuntilheheardhisphonegooffdidherealizeitwasclosinginontwointhe
afternoon.

Hegrabbedhisphoneandsawhe’dgottenatextfromJosh.Asmilegrewacrosshisfaceashe

readit.

Hey,asshole,wherehaveyoubeen????
Busy,Ethantypedback.
Bullshit.
Hey,that’sthelifeofanauthor.
Yeah, whatever. Jensen’s been busting balls about you coming for a visit. So my balls would

greatlyappreciateitifyougotyourpastypaleassouttoSilverCreeklikeyesterday.

Ethan stared at his phone, unsure how to respond. He’d promised the last time Josh and Jensen

cametovisithimthathe’dcomeoutthere,butthetimingjustdidn’tfeelright.He’dgrowntolovethese
twomenandconsideredthemhisbestfriends.

Hello???

IpromiseI’llgetouttheresoon.I’mjustextremelybusyrightnow.Ethansentoffthetext,hoping

Joshwouldleaveitatthatanddropit.

DoyouthinkI’mafuckingmoron?IdoknowwhatdayitisandIthinksometimeawaywoulddo

wondersforyouroldass.

Ethanletoutalaugh.Iappreciatetheconcern,man,butreallyI’mfine.
Joshdidn’trespondrightawayandEthansatstaringatthephonescreen.Hedidn’twanttooffend

JoshorevenJensenbuthedidn’tfeellikehe’dbegreatcompanyinhiscurrentstate.

IgetitEthanbutifyouchangeyourminddon’thesitatetocall.Wearealwayshereforyou,you

crazybastard.

Thanks!
Ethan put the phone away and turned back to his laptop. His fingers hovered over the keyboard

buthedidn’ttypeasingleword.AsmilespreadoverhisfaceasherememberedJoshandJensen.His
twoJs.

Josh and Jensen had been the ones who were there when Ethan cracked under the pressure of

losingJay.He’dkidnappedpoorJensenandstuckhiminacageinordertogethisboyfriend,Josh,to
turnhimintoawerewolf.Itwascrazy,butEthanwasn’tinhisrightframeofmind.Luckyforhim,Josh
and Jensen were two very forgiving and understanding men. It probably didn’t hurt that Josh was
actually a wolf and in the beginning feared Ethan would tell his secret. But soon the friendship grew
strongandEthandidn’tknowwhathe’ddowithoutthem.Theycalledortextedatleastafewtimesa
weekandJensenwasbigonsendingjokee-mails.Itwasgoodtohavefriendswhoknewallhisfaults
andlovedhiminspiteofthem.

Ethanworkedforafewmorehoursuntilhismotherknockedonhisdoor,lettinghimknowdinner

wasready.Heheadeddownthestairsandwasgladtoseehisparents’suitcasessittingbythefrontdoor.
TheyneededsometimewithoutEthanaroundandheneededsometimewithoutallthehovering.

Afterdinnerhetoldhismomhe’ddothedishesandusheredherandhisfatheroutthedoorbefore

theycouldchangetheirminds.Hewasluckytohaveparentsthatcaredsomuchabouthim,butitcould
beveryconstrictingattimes.

Once they were gone, he cleared away the dishes and went back to his room to get some work

done. Around one in the morning, Ethan stumbled out of his chair and flopped down on his mattress
facefirst.Hegrabbedtheedgeofthecomforterandpulleditoverhisbody.Hewastootiredtakeoffhis
clothesorclimbunderthecovers.Itdidn’ttakelongbeforetheblissfulnessofsleepcarriedhimoff.

“WillyoustilllovemewhenI’moldandgray?”
“Of course.” Ethan held Jay’s hand as he twirled him around while they danced on the patio

outside their apartment, the gentle breeze causing Ethan’s hair to fall into his face. “But the real
questionis,willyouloveme?”

“I’llloveyouuntiltheendoftime.”JaygiggledasEthanspunhimbackaroundtofacehim.
EthansnakedhisarmsaroundJay’swaist,holdinghimclose.“Ican’twaittomarryyou.”
“ThenIguessit’sluckyforyouthatIsaidyes.”Jay’spiercingblueeyeslockedontoEthan’s.
“Thiswasawonderfulmemory,Ethan.”
Ethanjerkedtotheside,pullingJaycloseatthesoundofanothervoice.HelookedovertoseeJay

leaningagainsttherailingthatranalongthepatio.EthanlookedfromthatJaytotheoneinhisarms.

“Thiswasthenightyouaskedmetomarryyou.”
Ethanshookhishead.“What’sgoingon?”HelookdownattheJayinhisarmswhohadhishead

restingonhischest,swayingfromsidetosideinEthan’sembrace.

“You’redreaming,silly.”

TheJayinhisarmsvanishedandEthanspuninacirclelookingforhim.“Wheredidhego?”He

wasinapanic.Thiswasalltooweird.ThereweretwoJaysoutherewithhimbutthatwasn’tpossible.

“I’mrighthere.”JaypushedofffromtherailingandwalkedovertoEthan.Heheldhisarmsup,

indicatingthetwinklylightsEthanhadhungupandthebottleofchampagnesittingonthesmalltable
offtotheside.“Thiswasthehappiestnightofmylife.”

“Mine,too.”EthanstaredatJay.
Jaystoodtheresmiling.Heworehisfavoritegraysweater,adarkpairofbluejeans,andhisblack

boots.Theoutfitbroughtbackanothermemory.Oneofpainandsorrow.HewantedtheotherJayback.
Theonewiththesweetestsmilespromisingtolovehimforever.

“Ethan, baby, you have to get past this.” Jay reached out and trailed a finger down the side of

Ethan’sface.

“ButIdon’twantto.”Ethan’svoicebrokeashespoke.ThewindblewJay’sblondhair,sending

the honey-colored strains into his eyes. “I miss you so fucking much.” Tears ran from his eyes as if
someonehadturnedonafaucet.Hecouldn’tcontrolit.

“Imissyou,too,butthisisn’tliving,baby.”JaywrappedEthan’shandsinhisownandbrought

them to his lips and kissed each hand. “I’m gone, Ethan, and no amount of praying or wishing will
bringmeback.”

“Don’tsaythat.”Ethanfelltohisknees,hugginghisarmsaroundJay’swaist.
“Baby, look at me.” Jay placed a finger under Ethan’s chin, forcing his face up to look at him.

“Youneedtomoveonbeforeyoumissoutonsomethingwonderful.Justbecauseyoufallinloveagain
doesn’tmeanyou’llforgetme.I’llalwaysberighthere.”HeputahandoverEthan’sheart.

“ButIdon’twanttofindsomeoneelse.”Ethanstoodup,grippedthesidesofJay’shandsomeface,

andtiltedtheman’sheaduptomeethiseyes.“You’retheonlymanIwilleverlove.”Hiswordscame
outgarbledfromemotion.

“Oh,baby,you’reagreatmanwithalotoflovetogive.Don’tlivelikethisbecauseofme.Idon’t

wantthisforyou.”JayreachedupandbrushedasoftfeatherlightkissoverEthan’slips.“You’restill
living,Ethan.Don’tletlifepassyouby.”Andwiththat,Jayvanished.

Ethanspuninacircle,gaspingforbreath,searchingforJay.HescreamedoutJay’snamebuthe

didn’trespond.Ethancollapsedtothegroundandcriedsohardallhismusclesachedandhebeathis
fistontheground.

“Thisisn’treal.”Ethansobbed.“Thisisjustadream.”
SuddenlyEthanfeltthefloordropoutfromunderhimandhefreefellintonothingness.
“No!”Ethanscreamedashecameto,wrestlingagainsttheblanketswrappedaroundhislegs.He

wasalltangledupandhisshirtwassoakedthroughwithsweat.

Ethankickedtheblanketawayandswunghislegsovertheedgeofthebed.Herestedhiselbows

onhiskneesandputhisheadinhishands.Hecouldfeelthewetnessfromhistearsstreakingdownhis
cheeks.

Hismom’swordsabouttherebeingasignhadEthangettingupandheadingtohiscomputer.Once

hehadaflightlinedup,hereachedforhiscellphoneandtextedJosh.

Reservationsmade.I’llbetheretomorrownight.
ItwasafewminutesbeforehegotaresponsebackfromJosh.
Sweet,man.Nowgetthefuckbacktobed,becauseIam.RememberthetimedifferencefromCali

toNewYork???

Sorry.Ethanchuckled.
It’scool.I’mjustgladtohearyou’recomingtovisit.Jensenwillbeexcited.

Ethan got up and dug out his suitcase from the back of his closet. He was too wound up to fall

backtosleep.Thedreamwastooeerieandhewantedtogetoutofhisroom.Suddenlythelargehome
feltlikeatinycrackerjackboxandhecouldn’tbreathe.

If the dream was a sign, it was one Ethan wanted to ignore at least for a little while longer. It

wasn’tasifJaywasreallyinhisdreamtellinghimtomoveon.ThestressoftheanniversaryofJay’s
death and his mother’s suggestion about him needing to move on must have put those thoughts into
Ethan’shead.Becausetherewasnowayhecouldevermoveon.LosingJaybrokesomethinginsidehim
thatEthanwasn’tsurecouldeverbefixed.

ChapterTwo

“Hey,UncleHolden,whendidyourealizeyouweregay?”
“Huh?”Holdendroppedthespatulahewasusingtoflipthehamburgersonthegrilltostareathis

nephew,Carson.

ItwasaMondaynightatthefirestationandCarson’sdadsNoahandSkylerhadbroughthimby

whiletheywentonadinnerdate.HoldenlovedspendingtimewithCarsonandtheguysatthestation
didn’tmindhimhangingout.Thecaptainwasn’tbotheredbyiteither,justsaidifacallcamein,Carson
hadtohangoutwithdispatchdownintheoffice.

HoldenhadreallygrowntoloveworkinginSilverCreek.Hefeltlikethetownopeneditsarms

andacceptedhim.ButNehalemwouldalwaysbehomeforhim.Itwasclosetothepackhe’dbecomea
partofanditwasalsowhereCarsonlived.CarsonremindedhimsomuchofHaley,Holden’sdeceased
sisterandCarson’smother.Hedidn’twanttomissamomentofwatchingthelittleguygrowup.

“Well?”Carsonnudgedhiminthearm.
“Um,whydoyouask?”Holdenbentdownandpickedupthespatulaandwipeditonhispantleg.

Heinspecteditandthoughtitlookedcleanenough.

“I’mjustcuriousisall.”Carsoncrossedhisthinarmsoverhischest.
HoldenlookeddownatCarson.IthadbeenfiveyearssinceHoldencametoliveinNehalem,and

Carsonhadchangedalotsincehemethimattheageoffive.Nowhestoodlookingatatall,lankyten-
year-old boy with big blue eyes and shaggy brown hair with a slight wave to it, like his own. Before
longCarsonwouldbeateenagerandHoldenoftenfoundhimselfwonderingwherethetimewent.

“Didyouaskyourdadsthisquestion?”Holdenturnedhisattentionbacktothegrill.
“Oh yeah, like that wouldn’t be weird or anything.” Carson scoffed at them. “They’d make too

muchofabigdealoutofitifIaskedthemandIwasjustwondering.I’mnotsayingthatIam.”

“Understandable.”Holdenhadtobitehisliptokeepfromlaughing.Hecouldjustimaginewhat

SkylerwoulddoifCarsonaskedhim.Skylerwouldmakesuchabigdealoutofit,causingCarsontogo
straightjusttogetawayfromhisdad’sadviceonmen.

“Sowhendidyouknow?”CarsonlookedathimeagerlyasifhisverylifedependedonHolden’s

answer.

Holdenshruggedashethoughtaboutit.“IguessIreallyrealizedinwhenIwasaboutthirteen.All

myfriendsweretalkingaboutgirlsandwantingtokissthemanditheldnointerestforme.IkeptwhatI
felt to myself because my dad wasn’t accepting of those who were different.” That was the
understatementofthecentury,butCarsondidn’tneedtoknowanymoreabouthisbastardgrandfather.

“Soyouhidit?”Carsonasked.
“Alittle,yeah.”Asmilecametohisfacewhenherememberedthefirstboyhe’dkissed.Ithadfelt

magical, like a light had been switched on in his head, and everything seemed so much clearer. “My
sister, Haley.” Holden ran a hand through Carson’s hair, smiling fondly. “Your mother, was the first
person I told, then Seth. Haley said she had suspected for a while and was happy that I told her and
promisednottotellourfather.”

“Wereyoumadthatyouweregay?Imeanatyourself?”Carsonbroughthisfingeruptohismouth

andstartedtonibbleonhisfingernail.

“Nope,”Holdenansweredhonestly.“ItwaswhoIwasandnothingIdidwasgoingtochangethat.

IgotluckythatIhadaconfidantlikeHaleyandabestfriendwhoalsohappenedtobegaysoIdidn’t
feelalone.I’mhappybeingwhoIam,Carson.”

“Butwhatifthepersonyoufeellikeyou’returninggayfordoesn’tlikeyou?”
Holden snapped his head back around to stare at his nephew. “What kind of question is that?

There’s no such thing as turning someone gay.” He stared in disbelief at Carson. Was this something
thatalltenyearoldswentthrough?Wasn’tCarsontooyoungtobethinkingabouthissexuality?Holden
kneltinfrontofCarsonandtookhishandsinhis.“Buddy,what’sthisallabout?”

“It’snothing,really.”CarsonpulledhishandsfromHolden’s.“Iwasjustthinkingaboutsomestuff

andwaswonderingifwhatIfeltwasrealorjustsomethingeveryonegoesthrough.”

“Carson, you’re ten. You shouldn’t be worrying about this kind of stuff.” Holden pulled at his

collar, suddenly feeling like he was being choked. His young nephew should not be thinking about
thingslikethisorsex.WhatthehellarekidswatchingonTVthesedays?“Youarewaytooyoungtobe
thinkingaboutsex.”

“Sex?”CarsonliftedaneyebrowatHolden.“Whosaidanythingaboutsex?Gross!”Carsongave

avisibleshutter.“No,UncleHolden.Iwasn’taskingbecauseI’mthinkingaboutthat…”Carson’sface
flushed.“Thatkindofstuff.”

“Oh thank god.” Holden dropped down to sit on his ass. He wiped a hand over his forehead.

“Little dude, you almost gave me a heart attack.” After a few deep, calming breaths, he patted the
groundnexttohimandCarsonsatdown.“Talktome,Carson.What’sbotheringyou?”

“LikeIsaid,it’snothing,justafeelingIgetaroundacertainpersonisall.”
“IfIaskwho,willyoutellme?”
“Nope.”Carsonshookhishead.“AndlikeIsaid,I’mnotsureifit’sfeelingslikemydadshave

towardeachotherthatI’mfeeling.IthinkIjustlikebeingaroundthisperson.Hedoesn’tevenhaveto
sayanythingandsometimeshedoesn’tevenknowI’mthere.Ijustlikebeingnearhim.”Carsonlooked
athim.“Isthatweird?”

“No,Carson,it’snot.”Holdenwrappedhisarmaroundhisnephew’sshoulders.“Justbecauseyou

likebeingfriendswithanotherguydoesn’tmeanyou’regayorthatyouwillbecomegay.It’sgoodto
havefriends.Hell,lookatSethandI.Wearethebestoffriendsandwearen’tdatingorhaveeverdated.
It’shumannaturetowanttosurroundyourselfwithpeoplewhomakeyouhappy.”

“SoI’mnotgay?”
“I’lltellyouwhat.”HoldenstoodupandheldahandouttoCarson.“Whenyougetafewyears

olderandyouwanttokissthiskid,thenmaybeyouare,butuntilthenIthinkit’ssafetosayyoujust
haveafriendyouliketobearound.”

“Gross.”CarsonpunchedHoldeninthearm.“Stopwithallthatkissingnonsense.Jeez!I’mnot

goingtokissanyoneuntilI’moldlikeyou.”

“Heynow.”HoldenpointedthespatulaatCarson.“Stopwiththatoldbusiness.Twenty-sixisnot

old.”

“Maybe not to you.” Carson ran to the left as Holden reached out for him. “The burgers are

burning.”Carsonpointedtowardthegrill.

“Shit!”Holdenranovertothegrilltosavedinner.
Anhourlater,NoahandSkylerpickedupCarson.Likehepromised,Holdendidn’tsayanything

to either of them about what he and Carson had talked about. It was personal and something Carson
wantedhimtokeepjustbetweenthem.AndHoldenwasokaywiththat.

Itwasaquietnightatthestation,noemergencycallsoranything,soHoldenwentuptohisbed

andcrawledundertheblankets.Hehadonemoredaytogetthroughonhisshift,thenhecouldrelaxin
thecomfortofhisownhome.

TheSilverCreekfiredepartmentrantheirshiftsthreedaysonfourdaysoff.Holdenwasn’tmated

toanyonenorhadanykids,sohedidn’tmindthehours.Helikedbeinghereandknowingthathewas
helpingothers.Inaway,Holdenfeltlikeithelpedmakeupforallthebadshithisfatherhaddoneover
theyears.Sure,Holdendidn’thaveanycontroloverhisfather’sactions,butHoldenneverstoodupand
didanythingaboutiteither.

Growingupthesonofanalphahadneverbeeneasy.Hisfatherhadbeenahardmanwhodidn’t

give one ounce of forgiveness or lenience, even to his own children. His father had forced Holden’s
sister Haley to seduce Noah and become pregnant with his child, then once the child was born, his
father wanted to kill Carson. It was all madness. Holden could never imagine harming Carson, or
anyoneforthatmatter.Hewasn’takillerandthat’swhatmadehimdifferentfromhisfather.Theonly
reason he stayed around after he learned of his father ordering his sister’s death was to keep his ears
openfornewsonCarsonandNoah.He’ddiebeforeheletanythinghappentothem.Haleydiedtrying
tokeephersonandNoahsafeandHoldenwouldhavedonethesame.

Holdenknewnooneblamedhimforhisfather’sactions,butstillhealwaysfeltalittleoutofplace

at times. Seth moving to Silver Creek and being close by helped. Seth had been his best friend since
they were little kids and they knew everything there was to know about another person. He helped
remindHoldenthathewasn’tthemonsterhisfatherhadbeen.

Thebed creaked asHolden rolled over.A few other guyswandered into thebunk room and got

intobed.Itwasnicetohaveaquietnightwithoutthescreamingblareofthesirensgoingoff.Holden
wasn’tscaredtobattleablazingfire,butaftertheawkwardtalkwithCarsonhejustwantedtogetsome
shuteye.

The questions Carson asked weren’t unusual, but Holden couldn’t imagine why Carson was

worriedaboutitnow.Hewasonlytenandhadhiswholechildhoodtogetthrough.Andevenifoneday
Carson realized, yes, that he’s gay, he was born into a family that would accept him no matter what.
Besideshavingthemostlovingandunderstandingdadsintheworld,Carsonhadthewholepackathis
backreadyandwillingtosupporthim.Thekidwasbeyondluckyandloved.

Holdenthoughtbacktowhenhewasyoungerandthatemptypitofdespairthatateathimwhen

herealizedhelikedotherboys.Hisfathermadeitclearthatgaysweren’twelcomedintheirpackand
hadevenhintedaroundthathe’dendtheirsufferingwithoutasecondthought,andHoldenknewhim
beinghisfather’ssonwouldn’thavemadeadifference.

Asmilepulledathislipsasherememberedthefirstboyhe’deverkissed,EricParker.Holden’s

smilegrewandherolledovertolieonhisstomach,wrappinghisarmsaroundhispillow.Thekisshad
beenrushed,rough,andawkward,butalsoperfect.ItchangedHolden’slife.

Now as he lay in bed, Holden would do anything to have that feeling again. The newness of

fallingforsomeone,thatfirstkiss,handholding,hugs,andthelovemaking.God,Holdenneededtoget
laid.Ithadbeenagessincehehadanothermanunderoroverhim.Whiletryingtogethislifeinorder,
he’dignoredallhisbody’sscreamingdesires.BeingagooduncleforCarsonandbecomingafirefighter
wasallthatHoldenletbecomeimportanttohim.Ithadallhisfocus.Everythingelsetookabackseatto
himcreatingalifetobeproudof.

AcoolbreezeslippedinthroughtheopenwindowandHoldenpulledhiscoversuphigheroverhis

headandletsleepclaimhim.

Thereprieveofnofiresorcaraccidentstodealwithdidn’tlastlong.Ithadjustturnedfivewhen

thesirenwentoff.Holdenrusheddownthestairs,followedbyafewothers,andputhisturnoutgear
on.Theyloadedupthetruckandheadedoutinrecordtime.

ThecallcameinforahousefireinthenewsubdivisionHillsofRiverMeadows.Thehousewas

oneofthebigfancyonesthatprobablywasn’tworthwhatthehomeownerpaidforit.

“Ain’tthatjustashame.”EthanlookedoveratBrian,whonudgedhischintowardthehouse.“To

haveanicebighomelikethatgoingupinflames.”

“Yeah,butthat’swhytheyinventedhomeownersinsurance.”EthanfollowedBrianovertowhere

thecaptainwasgivingorders.

“Thecallcameinfromtheneighbors,soatthispointweareunsureifthehouseisemptyornot.”

Thecaptainspokeashewalkedclosertothehouse.“Anders,Wilcot,Jarrett,andFolsom,doasweepof
thehouse,”thecaptainannounced,andHoldenstartedofftowardthehouse,pullingonhisoxygenmask
ashewent.

Thesunhadstartedtodescendintheskyandtheblacksmokecurledupwardtoputahazeinthe

air. Holden could feel the heat as he got closer to the house. He moved fast and the others followed
closebehindhim.Thefirewasmainlyonthewestsideofthehouse,backtowardthegarage,soHolden
headedforthefrontdoor.Hefeltaroundbutdidn’tfeelanyheatsoheopenedit.

Smokefilledtheentrybutnosignsoffirelickingthewallsorceilingjustyet.
“Let’sfanout,”Holdenannouncedtothethreeothermen.“Wilcot,youcomewithmeupstairsand

JarrettandFolsom,youguystakedownhere.OnceIgetwordfromthecaptainwe’llclearout,okay?”
Theothersnoddedtheirheadsandtheytookoff.

HoldenandBrianworkedtogether,goingdownthehallway,callingoutandbangingonwalls,but

noanswerscameinresponse.

“Itlooksclear,man,”Briansaidashecameoutofanotheremptyroom.
ThesoundofsomethingcrashingtothegroundhadbothHoldenandBrianturningaround.
“Boys,moveonout.”TheCaptain’svoicecameovertheradio.“Thewindspickedupandthenow

theentireroofisupinflames.We’retryingtocontainitwiththehosebutit’sspreadingfastsogetyour
assesoutofthere.”

“You heard the man.” Holden waved Brian to follow him. The sound of a distant cry had him

stopping.Brianranintohisbacknearlyknockinghimover.

“Whatthehell,man?”
“Didyouhearthat?”Holdenbentoverandlistened.
“Hearwhat?”BrianmovedaroundHolden.“AllIhearisthecracklingofthefirethatisaboutto

sendtheceilingdownaroundourears.”

Thereitwasagain.Holdenhustleddownthehallwayandopenedthedoorontheright.Itlooked

tobeachild’sroomdoneinbluesandwhites,andtoyslinedtheshelves.AsHoldentookintheroom,
hedidn’tseeanykid.ItwasaTuesdaysosaidchildwasprobablyinschool,buthestillheardthesoft
whiningnoise.

ThepoppingsoundofwoodcrackinghadHoldenrunningtotheclosetbuthedidn’tseeanything,

thenthesoundcameagain.

“Fuck,Holden,weneedtogetoutofhere.”Brianurged.
Holdenwenttohiskneesandlookedunderthebed.Twobigbrowneyesstaredbackathim.He

reacheddownandpickedupthelittleguy.

“Isthatafuckingdog?”BrianbentoverHolden’sshoulder.
“Yep.”Holdenpettedthelittleguy’shead.
“Anders,Wilcot!”Thecaptain’svoiceshoutedovertheradio.“Getyourassesoutoftherenow.”
BrianandHoldengotoutoftheroomanddownthestairswithoutanyproblems.Theyweremet

outfrontbythecaptain.

“WhenIsayevacuatethebuilding,that’swhatyoudo.”
“Youcan’tbemadatus,Cap.”HoldenliftedthepuppyupfortheCaptaintosee.“Wesavedalife

inthere.”

Thecaptainshookhisheadandlaughed.“Iguessyoudid.”HetookthepupfromHolden’sarms.

“Butstill,nexttimeIsaymoveit,youbettermoveit.”

“Yes,sir.”Holdensalutedtheman.
“Itwasagoodday,right,Holden?”Briannudgedhiminthearm.“Noonegothurtandwesaved

thepoorlifeofthatdog.Ithinktheyshouldawardusamedalorsomeshit.”Brianlaughed.

Holdenlaughedandshookhishead.Hisattentionwaspulledtothehouseastheothermenstill

worked to put out the fire, but the early spring weather was unpredictable and the wind picked up
further. Holden watched as the roof finally caved under the pressure of the water and from the
weakeningofthefire.Brianwasrightaboutonething,itwasagoodday.Noonegothurt.

“Hey,Holden.”Brianslappedhimontheshoulder.“Meandsomeoftheotherguysaregoingout

forabeerafterourshift.Youwanttocome?”

Holden tore his gaze from the black smoky mess of what used to be a house and looked at his

friend.ThesmileonBrian’sfacepromisedtroubleandmaybeagooddoseoffun.Holdendeservedto
beabletocutlooseeverynowandagain.

“Sure.Whynot?”

ChapterThree

“Ethan!”EthanlookeduptoseeJensenrunningathim.Heopenedhisarmsandcaughtthemanas

he wrapped his arms around Ethan’s waist. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Jensen took a step back and
lookedupatEthan.“I’vemissedyou.”

“Jensen.”Ethanrolledhiseyes.“WetalkallthetimeandyouandJoshwerejustoutforavisit.”
“Butstill,you’venevercomeherebeforeandIcouldn’tbehappier.”Jensengrabbedhisarmand

headed toward the baggage claim. “Josh wanted to be here when you arrived but he got held up at
work.”

“That’scool.Idon’tneedaparadeinmyhonor,”Ethanteasedastheyjoinedtherestofthepeople

bythecarouselwaitingfortheirluggage.

“That’smyEthan.Alwaystoomodest.”Jensennudgedhiminthearm.
Ethandidn’tsayanything.Hesawhisbagandbentovertograbitbeforeitmadeasecondround

onthemachine.WithhislaptopcasestrappedoverhisshoulderandJensenrollinghissuitcaseoutof
the building, they made their way to the parking lot. Once safely in the car, Jensen asked the million
dollarquestion.

“Howareyoureally,Ethan?”
Thesunshineddown,warminghisfacethroughthewindow.Hescrubbedahandoverhisface,

trying to school his expression. “I’m getting by,” he answered honestly. Because that was what he’d
beendoingforthepastfiveyears,takingonedayatatime.Thegoodwiththebad.

“That’snotananswer,Ethan.”Jensenturnedsadeyestowardhim.
Ethanlookedatthesmallermanandcouldn’tbelievetheyhadbecomesuchgoodfriends.After

everything he’d done to Jensen and Josh, and they still wanted to be his friend. Not just a friend, but
Ethan’sbestfriends.

“Iknowit’snot,butit’sallI’vegot.”Ethanrestedhisheadbackagainsttheheadrest.Behindhis

eyelidshecouldstillseeJay’sfaceandhearhiswordstomoveon,buthejustcouldn’t.Notyetanyway.

“Don’tgetmewrong,Ethan.I’msureifsomethingweretohappentoJosh,I’dbeabasketcase,

too.Ohmygosh!Ican’tbelieveIjustsaidthat.”Jensen’sfaceflushedadeepcrimson,causinghisred
hairtolooklikeflamesontopofhishead.“I’msosorry,Ethan.”

“Jensen.”Ethanchuckled.“Man,it’sokay.IdidgoalittlecrazythereforawhileandsomedaysI

stillfeelthatway.GrantedIdon’tfeellikeputtingpeopleincages,buttherearedaysIjustwanttogive
up.”Ethanranahandoverhischest.Hisheartachedasifsomeonestabbedaknifethroughit.Itwasthe
painhelivedwitheverydaysinceJay’sdeath.

ThecarsloweddownandJensenpulledoffontotheshoulderoftheroad.Heturnedinhisseatto

faceEthan.

“I’mnotgoingtolieandsaythewaywemetisnormal,butevenafterallthatcrap,youareoneof

themostimportantpeopletome.Youwerehurtingthenandstillare.Youhadtodealwiththelossof
themanyouwereinlovewithandweregoingtomarry.Noonecanblameyouforlosingyourshitand
checkingoutonreality,butdon’tyoueversayyouwanttogiveup.”TearsfilledJensen’seyesandhe
swipedahandoverhischeeks.“Youcan’tdothattous.”

“Jensen,Ididn’tmeanitlikethat.”EthanleanedoverandgaveJensenahug.“AllI’msayingis

I’msotired.I’mtiredofbeingsad.I’mtiredofbeingmad,andmostofallI’mtiredofbeingalone.Jay
wastheloveofmylifeandalovelikethatcan’tbereplaced.”

“That’sthething,Ethan.”Jensengrabbedhishand.“NooneisaskingyoutoreplaceJay.Wejust

wantyoutobeopentolettingsomeoneelsein.Itwon’tbethesamelove,butitmightbesomethingto
helpeasethepain.Youcan’tkeeppunishingyourselfbecauseyoulivedandJaydidn’t.”

“I’mnotpunishingmyself.”Ethansatbackinhisseatandstaredoutthewindow.Carspassedby

withoutacareintheworld.

“Thenwhatdoyoucallthis?”JensentuggedonEthan’searlobeuntilheturnedtolookathim.“I

didn’tknowJaybutI’dhavetoimaginehewouldn’twantthislifeforyou.”

“Haveyoubeentalkingtomymotheragain?”EthannarrowedhiseyesatJensen.
“Maybejustalittlebit.”Jensenheldhisthumbandpointerfingeraboutahalfinchapart.“She’s

justworriedaboutyou,andsoamI.Imean,hell,Iwasthemanyoudruggedandstuckinacagefora
halfaday.I’veseenyouatyourabsoluteworstandIstillseethegoodandpotentialinyou.Youhaveso
muchtogive,Ethan.Don’tletyourselfjustfadeawayintonothingness.Theworldwouldbealonely
placewithoutyou.”

Ethan’seyesburnedashestaredoveratJensen.He’dstruckthelotterywhenhemethimandJosh.
“Doyoualwayshavetobringupthecagething?”Ethanasked,tryingtolightenthemood.
“Well you did put me in a tiny-ass dog cage.” Jensen smiled as he pulled the car back onto the

road.“Idon’tthinkI’lleverletyoulivethatonedown.”HewinkedatEthan.

“Andyoushouldn’t.”
TherestofthewaytoJensen’shouseinSilverCreektheytalkedaboutsafesubjects,nothingtoo

personal.Jensenhadreadallhisbookssincetheirmeetingandhewaseagertohearaboutwhathewas
workingonnext.Hislatestwork.Ethanwasn’tsureifhe’deverfinishit.Thestoryfellflatandhewas
losinginterestinit.Allthewordshepluggedinyesterdayseemedemotionless.Heneededabreakto
hopefullygetbackhisrhythm.

Jensenturneddownastreetlinedwithnewerhomes.Allaveragesizedbutlookedhomey.Ethan

likedthelookoftheneighborhood.Itlookedlikeaplaceapersoncouldraiseafamilyandnothaveto
worryabouttheboogeymenthatlivedintheworldjustoutsidethesafelittlebubbleeveryonethought
theylivedin.

“Whatdoyathink?”Jensenaskedashepulledintothedriveofacottage-stylehousepaintedgray

with white trim. Two tall white pillars stood beside the front door and a wraparound porch ran the
lengthoftheentirefrontsideofthehouse.

“It’sbeautiful.”Ethanopenedhisdoorandclimbedout.Theairstillhadanipinit,butthegrass

andthetreeshadalreadystartedtoturngreen.

“Heylook,it’sshortyandthecrazyman!”Joshcalledoutashesteppedoutthefrontdoor,ahuge

smileonhisface.

“Suchasensitiveman.”JensenflippedJoshoff.
“You’refortunatehelovesyousomuch.”EthanletJoshpullhimintoahug.
“Nah,it’sbecauseIhaveabigdickheletsmesaywhatIwant.”JoshgrabbedEthan’sbagfroma

stunned-lookingJensen.

“Once again you are oversharing, Josh.” Ethan laughed as he followed the other man into the

house.

JoshcarriedEthan’sbagdownthehalltothebedroomontheleft.Itwasalargeopenspacewitha

queen-sizebedandamatchingdresser.Thewindowsonthefarwallopenedupintothebackyard.Ethan
walkedovertolookoutthewindows.Itwasgorgeoushere.Thesunflickeredoffthebrightbladesof
green grass growing. A concrete patio was off to the side with a fire pit in the center and outdoor
furnituresurroundingit.

“Hey,Ethan,JoshandIhavetogotomysister’sfordinnertonight.It’saworkthing,”Jensensaid

asEthancameoutofhisroomandintothekitchen.“It’llbeingboringasfuckbutyouaremorethan
welcometocomealongifyouwant.”

“Howboring?”EthanaskedJosh.
“Very.”Joshtookadrinkoutofthebeerbottleinhishand.“Ifitweren’tforJensen,Iwouldn’t

evenbegoing.Architecttalkallnightcangetalittleboring.”

“Hey!”JensentossedthehandtowelhewasusingtodryhishandsatJosh.
“Sorry,babe,butit’strue.”HegrabbedJensen’shandandpulledhimcloseuntiltheystoodchest

tochest.JoshbentdowntoplaceahardkissonJensen’slips.

Ethan couldn’t help but watch. He remembered times like that with Jay. The teasing and light

touchingmadehimlongfortimespassed.

“I think I’ll just hang out here if that’s okay.” Ethan walked over to the fridge and pulled out a

bottleofwater.Hetwistedoffthecapandtookadrinkofthecoolliquid,hopingitsquelchedthesob
wantingtotearfromhisthroat.Hedidn’tlikethathewasjealousofwhatJoshandJensenhad.

“That’sfine.I’llleavethekeystomytruckhereincaseyouwanttogetoutforalittlebit,”Josh

said.“Explorethetownandwhatnot.”HewinkedatEthan.

“Ithinkourideasofexploringarealittledifferent,Josh.”
“Youneverknow,man.”Joshlightlypunchedhiminthearm.“Mightfindanirresistiblepieceof

assoutonthetowntonight.”Heheldhisbeerupathim.“Keepthoseoptionsopen,myboy.”

EthanlaughedathowdifferentJensenandJoshwere.Jensenwasallbusinessandneatlypressed,

where Josh was hard around the edges and said whatever the hell came into his mind. In their case,
oppositestrulydidattract.Joshbeingawolfshifterdidn’tevenreallycomeintoplayforJensen.Josh
hadtheabilitytoturnintoawolfandthatdidn’tbotherJensenintheleast.Itwasonemorethingthat
madeJoshspecialinhislover’seyesandEthanfeltthatsmallpangofjealousypeekoutitsuglyhead.
Hewashappyforhisfriends.Hereallywas.

About an hour after Josh and Jensen left, Ethan sat on the couch with his feet up, watching TV.

Thehousewastooquietandhefelthimselfgoingstircrazy.Thewallswereclosinginonhimandhe
neededtogetsomefreshair.HehoppedoffthecouchandgrabbedJosh’skeys.

Hedrovearoundtown,takinginallthesights.UpstateNewYorkwaspretty.Unlikethehustleand

bustleofthecity,SilverCreekwasmorelaidback.Aflourishofwoodedareasurroundedthetownbut
itwasstillratherlarge.Acollegesatatthenorthendoftown,causingalotoftraffictowardtheheartof
thetown.DifferenttypesofshopslinedthestreetsandEthandroveinsilence,takingitallin.

Forreasonshecouldn’texplain,hepulledintotheparkinglotofabarandparkedthetruck.Ethan

wasn’t a big drinker. Really couldn’t be with the medicine he took for his depression, but one drink
wasn’tgoingtokillhim.

Ethanopenedthedoorandgotout.Hispulsedracedfrombeinginanewplaceandnotknowing

anyone,buthecoulddothis.Itwasjustonedrink.Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?

ChapterFour

Aftertheyreturnedtothestationhouse,Holdenshoweredandchanged.Bythetimehewasdone,

hisshiftwasoverandheandtheotherguysheadeddowntoClancy’sbarandgrill.Itwaswherethey
wentallthetimefordrinks.Theownerwasaretiredfirefighterwholetthembeasloudastheywanted,
withinreason,thatwas.

ForaTuesdaynight,theplacewascrowded.Apparentlyitwasbucknightonalldraftbeers.
“Firstroundisonme,”Brianannouncedtotheirtable.“Mygoodfriendmadeanawesomesave

todayanddeservestoberewarded.”

AnoutburstofcheersandcongratulationsrangoutoverthetableandHoldenfelthischeeksflush.
“ToHolden.”Brianheldhisbeermugupintheairtotoasthim.“Ifthereiseveradogneedingto

berescued,weknowyou’llbetheretosavetheday.”Brianshothimawink.

“Asshole,” Holden grumbled, but couldn’t contain his smile. “It was a good day.” He lifted his

mugtoclangagainsthisfellowfirefighters’.

“Truethat.”Brianmovedtositbesidehimatthetable.“Sowhat’stheplantonight?”Helooked

outoverthecrowd.“Anyguysgrabbingyourattention?”

“What?”Holdensputteredasthebeerhejustdrankdownrushedouthisnose.
“Don’tgivemethat.”Brianelbowedhimintheside.“JustbecauseIpreferpussydoesn’tmeanI

can’thelpabrooutwhenheneedstogetlucky.”Hewaggledhiseyebrows.“Sohowdoesthisgaydar
thingwork?”

“Brian.”Holdenshookhishead.“Youareonehotmess,youknowthat?”
Brianstartedtogointoalongwindedspeechonhowhesupportsgayrightswhenasizzlingsmell

driftedunderHolden’snose.Hisearsperkedupandhesatalittlestraighterinhischair.Thescentof
pineandsnowhadabitteredgetoit,butnotenoughtokeepHolden’sdickfromtwitchinginhisjeans.

Where is that coming from? Holden propped up to look over the crowd, trying to pinpoint the

aromacausinghisheadtospin.

“Hey,areyoulisteningtome?”Brianasked.
“Notreally,”Holdensaidashisgazeflickedovertheherdofpeoplemillingarounddrinkingbeer

andeatingburgers.

“Oh,didsomeonesetoffyourradar?”
Holdenignoredhisfriendashegotupfromhisbarstool.Hetossedafewbucksonthetableand

startedmakingtherounds.

Beingawolfshifter,therewereavarietyofsmellsthatcouldsetoffhisnose,butneveronethat

madehisbodycometolife.Hisskinitchedwithawarenessandthedarkhairscoveringhisbodystood
to attention. Whoever this smell belonged to had to be important. So important Holden felt his heart
poundinginhischest,threateningtoplopouttolandonthefloor.

Thebarwasn’toverlylargeandbythetimehereachedthefrontdoor,hecaughtmovementoutof

thecornerofhiseye.Sittingalonebythefrontwindowswasaman.Hesatslouchedoverasmallglass
ofamber-coloredliquid,runninghisfingerovertherim.Holdenwatchedasthemanpickedtheglass
up,tossedbackthecontents,andwavedforthewaitresstobringhimanother.

The guy, even though folded up in his chair, looked to be long and slender. His long-sleeve,

button-down shirt hid his body shape but Holden recognized a sturdy pair of shoulders when he saw
some,andthisguymightbeonthethinside,buthewasbuilt.Holdenshiftedclosertogetabetterlook.
Black hair fell around his face. It looked like the man kept it trimmed in the back but shaggy in the

front.Thesilkystrandslookedsoftastheyfellaroundhisears.Browneyesfannedbylongdarklashes
flickeduptoscanthecrowdbeforedroppingbacktostareathishands.Themanlookedlonelyandlost,
andHoldenwantedtogoandrescuetheguy.

AtotaloffivestepsisallittookbeforeHoldenstoodacrossfromthemanontheothersideofthe

smalltable.Withallthenoiseinthebar,themanhadn’tnoticedhimyet.

“Excuseme.”Holdenreachedoutandtouchedtheman’shandtogethisattention.Theguyjerked

andhiseyeswentwideforaninstantbeforeheschooledhisfeatures.“Isthisseattaken?”

“Um,no.”Themansatbackandrubbedhishandsoverhisthighs.Holdencouldn’thelpbutnotice

howthedenimhuggedthelong,leanmuscles.

“Name’sHolden.”Heheldouthishand.“Andyouare?”Hearchedabrow.
“Ethan.”Ethanreachedoutandshookhishand,thenquicklyletgo.
“Nicetomeetyou,Ethan.”ThewaitresscamearoundandHoldenorderedanotherbeer.“Younew

intown?”

Ethan let out a long exhale of breath and the gentle breeze blew over Holden’s face. His eyes

flutteredshutforamomentashetookinthesweetscent.Hisfingerscurledintohisthighsandhiscock
grewpainfullyhardinhisjeans.Holden’sattractionforEthanwasdrivinghimcrazy.

“Yes,justgotintoday.I’mactuallystayingwithsomefriendshereinSilverCreek.”Ethansmiled

andHoldenfoundhimselfblindedbyEthan’swhite,perfectlyshapedteeth.

“Are you planning on staying long?” Holden had to ask. It seemed important that Ethan never

leave.

“Notsure.”Ethanrestedanelbowonthetable,thenputhisheadinhishand.“Ineededachange

ofpacefromwhereIwaslivingandtheyhadbeenbuggingmetocomeouttovisit,soIthoughtthe
timingwasright.”

“Neededabreak?”Holdenasked,doinghisbesttodigforinformationonthisguywithoutcoming

offallstalkerish.“Fromwhat,ifyoudon’tmindmeasking?”

“Justlife,Iguess.”Ethansatbackinhischair.“I’mawriterandIgetcaughtupinmyownheadat

times.Nothingmajor.”

“Anauthor?”Holdentiltedhisheadtotheside.“What’ssomeofthestuffyou’vewritten?Maybe

I’vereadit.”

“Ihighlydoubtit.”EthanchuckledandHoldenfoundhimselfleaningfurtheroverthetable.The

sound so light and wispy he needed to hear it again. “My target audience is typically women. I write
paranormalromances.Thebadboysourmotherswarnedusaboutsavingthedamselsindistress.Stuff
likethat.”

Badboysourmotherswarnedusabout!Totallygay.Holdenwantedtopumphisfistintheair.
“Hey, man, I’m a sensitive guy. I’m all about letting a hot guy rescue me,” Holden said with a

smilethathadEthanlaughingoutloud.

“I can tell you ooze sensitivity.” Ethan picked up his glass and took another drink, his eyes

searchingoverHolden’s.HoldenkepthissmileeasyandhiseyesfromroamingupanddownEthan’s
bodyinapredatoryway.

“I’mnotsureaboutsensitivity,butIcanoozeotherthings.”Holdenloweredhisvoiceandlicked

histongueoverhislips.Hemightbelayingitonthickbuthecouldn’tcontrolit.Thewolfinsidehim
wanted to come out to play with the hot guy sitting across from him. He sniffed the air and Ethan’s
colognecausedhisnostrilstoflare,takinginmoreoftheenticingaroma.

Ethancockedaneyebrowathim.Hethenliftedhisglassandfinishedhisdrinkinoneswallow.“I

sayweseewhatexactlythatis.Don’tyouthink?”

BeforeHoldencouldrespond,Ethantossedatwentyonthetableandheadedforthedoor.Holden

lookedtowardEthan’sretreatingback,thenovertohisfriends.Theywerehootingandholleringitupin
thefarcornerbythepooltablesandHoldenknewthey’dnevermisshim.Hejumpedoffhischairand
rushedafterEthan.

He pushed open the door and was met by a cool breeze. Holden stepped out and saw Ethan

walkingtothebackoftheparkinglot.TheoverheadlightsweredimbutHoldendidn’tneedmuchto
see. Ethan walked silently toward a large pickup truck that look slightly familiar to Holden, but he
couldn’timaginewhy,andnowwasn’tthetimetocommentonthefamiliarityofaperson’struck.

“So, Holden, do you do this a lot?” Ethan asked as he leaned back against the side panel of the

truck.

“Dowhat?”HewalkeduptoEthanandstoppedwhenonlyafewinchesseparatedthem.
“Followstrangersoutintotheparkinglot,hopingtoseducethem.”
“Oh yeah.” Holden braced a hand on either side of Ethan’s shoulders, caging him in. “Here I

thoughtyouwereseducingme.”

“Maybeit’salittlebitofseducingonbothourparts,”Ethanwhispered,andtippedhisheadup,

lightlybrushinghislipsoverHolden’s.

“Maybe.” Holden eased closer pressing his chest into Ethan’s. “But either way, it doesn’t really

matternow,doesit?”EthanslowlyshookhisheadandHoldenlethiseyesgazeintoEthan’sdarkones
forabriefmomentbeforehedippedhisheadforwardtocapturehislips.

Ethan’sarmswoundaroundHolden’sneck,pullinghimcloserashistonguedemandedentrance

into his mouth. Holden wrapped his arms around Ethan’s waist and brought their hips together. He
gasped for breath at the feel of Ethan’s hard, pulsing rod aligned with his own. As he sucked in air,
Ethantookadvantageoftheopeningandlickedandnippedathismouth.

Aftertheinitialshockworeoff,HoldenpushedhistongueouttoplaywithEthan’s.Handsroamed

freely and Holden let his hands skirt their way under Ethan’s shirt. Warm skin sent a sizzle over his
fingertipsandHoldenmovedhishandsupwardtoplayacrossthelightdustingofhaironEthan’schest.

Ethan yanked Holden closer, grinding his cock into Holden’s. The heat pulsating through the

materialwaselectricandHoldendidn’tthinkhecouldgetcloseenough.HishandsfelltogripEthan’s
ass,tryingtocontrolthehardmovementsoftheotherman’ships.Ifhedidn’tgatherhiswitsabouthim
andquick,he’dcomeinhispantsandthiswouldbeoverbeforeittrulybegan.

“Fuck,” Holden growled. “I want to taste you.” He fell to his knees and made quick work of

Ethan’sbuttonandzipper.

Oncehehadthematerialpeeledback,Holdenreachedinandwrappedhisfingersaroundthesoft

steelyrodandpulleditout.Asingledropofpre-cumbeadedupatthetipandHoldenlookedupinto
Ethan’sdarkeyesashelickeditaway.

“Ohyeah.”Ethanspreadhislegsapartasbestashecouldwiththemaroundhisknees.“Suckit,

Holden.Ineedit.”

Holdenlickedandsuckedhiswayfromthetipbacktothebase.Thestrongmanlyscentfueledhis

hungerevenfurther.HoldensuckedinonethentheotherballhanginglooselybetweenEthan’sthighs.
Hehummedashelickedandmassagedthesmallorbs.Lettingthemslipfromhismouth,Holdenmade
awettrailbackuptoEthan’stip,thenheldhisgazeasheswallowedhimallthewaydownhisthroat.
Ethan’sheadfellbackonhisshouldersasHoldentriedtosuckhisverysoulfromhisbody.

“Youtastesofuckinggood.”Holdenlickedhistonguearoundthecrown,lettinghistongueplayin

theslitattheverytip.“I’llnevergetenoughofyou.”ThesteadybeatofEthan’spulsevibratedoverhis
tongue as Holden teased him toward his orgasm. The thick vein that ran on the underside jerked as

Ethangotclosertorelease.

Holden dropped one hand to undo his jeans and freed his cock. The strong taste of Ethan in his

mouth and the sounds the man made had Holden nearing the end of his own control. He stroked his
cockinhardjerksashebobbedupanddownonEthan’sstrainingcock.

“God damn it, Holden.” Ethan’s fingers tangled in Holden’s hair, pulling so hard Holden’s eyes

watered.“Ican’tholdonanylonger.”

Holdenhollowedouthischeeksandsuckedharder,notgivingEthanachoicebuttocome.
“Yes!”EthanshoutedasthefirstjetofcumpumpedintothebackofHolden’smouth.
The sweet, salty taste sent him in a tailspin and his orgasm exploded out his tip to paint the

pavement below. Holden swallowed each ounce of cream until there was nothing left. Ethan relaxed
backagainstthetruck,pantingandtwitchingasHoldenlickedhimclean.

With one final kiss to Ethan’s hip, Holden stood up. He tucked his cock back into his jeans and

startedtohelparrangeEthan’sclothes.Themanhadalazysmileonhisfaceandhiseyeswereshut.
Holdencouldn’tresist.HeleanedforwardandkissedEthan’sgrinninglips.

Justasthekissstartedtogetheated,Ethan’shandspushedatHolden’sshoulders.Hetookastep

back,surprised.

“Ohshit.”AlookofsadnessflashedoverEthan’sface.“Igottagetoutofhere,”Ethansaidashe

poppedthelockondoortohistruck.

“Ethan!”Holdentookanotherstepbackasthecardoorswungopen.Hegrabbedthedoorbefore

Ethancouldslamitshutinhisface.“What’sthematter?”Hadhereadthesignswrong?WasEthannot
intothisasmuchasHoldenhadthought?“IsitsomethingIdid?”

“No,youwereperfect.”Ethan’seyeshadstartedtowater.“I’msorry,Holden,butIhavetogo.”
HoldenletgoofthedoorandwatchedasEthanpulledoutoftheparkingspotandheadeddown

theroad.Hestoodthereunsureofwhatexactlyjusthappened.HoldencouldsmellEthan’sarousaland
hisattractiontowardhim.TherehadbeennodenyingEthanwasintowhattheyweredoing.Butnow
Holdendidn’tunderstandwhathappenedtochangeallthat.ThetearsinEthan’seyesworriedHolden.
DidhecausethatreactionfromEthan?

Afterafewmomentsofstandingtherelikeafool,Holdenwalkedovertohisjeep.Hegotinside

andmadethejourneyhome.

The drive from Silver Creek to Nehalem was only about twenty minutes, and Holden took that

timetounwind.Sure,hisheartachedfromthewayEthanhadrunoff,buthecouldn’thaveforcedthe
mantostayandtalkaboutwhathadupsethim.Thatwouldhavejustmadethingsworse.

HoldentookadeepbreathandcouldstillsmellEthan’sscentwhereitclungtohisclothes.God

how he wanted to turn around and chase Ethan down. Being a wolf shifter had its benefits and being
abletotrackdownascentwasoneofthem.Ethanwouldn’tbeabletogetfarbeforeHoldenfoundhim,
andhewouldfindhimagain.

ThestrongattractionthatpulledHoldentoEthanwasmorethanjustaboutsexandneedingtoget

off.No,theyhadaconnectionbetweenthemthatHoldencouldn’tignoreandonehewouldn’tletEthan
runfrom.

“He’smymate,”Holdenwhisperedtohimselfashepulledupthelongwindingdrivewaythatled

tothelittlehousehe’dbuilt.

Hedidn’tknowmuchaboutEthanbuthedamnsureplannedtofindout.

ChapterFive

Thesuncameshiningthroughthewindowwaytooearly.Ethanpulledthepillowoutfrombehind

hisheadtocoverhisface,butitwasnouse.Nomatterhowlonghelaythere,hewouldn’tbegetting
anymorerest.Notasifhegotanythepreviousnight.

Ethansatupandkickedhislegsovertheedgeofthebed.Hescrubbedahandoverhisface,trying

to chase away the thoughts of one very sexy blue-eyed man with warm chestnut-brown hair that
plaguedhisverydreams,oratleast,thepartsofhisdreamshecouldremember.Thesoftcaressofhis
handsandthehotflicksofhistongueasthemansuckedhimintooblivion.

Holden.
Ethan couldn’t believe he’d hooked up with some guy last night. It wasn’t like him and he

couldn’t explain how he just let his guard down so completely. It was as if Holden had some sort of
poweroverhimtojustcauseEthantoletgoofeverything.Noworriesorobligationsofdoingtheright
thing.HejustletgoandletHoldengivehimasmallpieceofthehappinesshe’dbeendenyinghimself
eversinceJay’sdeath.

WhathurtEthanthemostisthatforabriefmomentintime,hehadn’tthoughtatallofJayorhow

himbeingintimatewithanothermanwouldbotherJay.ItwasjustEthanandHoldenintheirownlittle
bubble,wherenothingornoonecouldtouchthem.Noteventhememoriesofhisdeadlover.

Whatkindofpersondoesthatmakeme?Ethanthoughttohimself.IvowedtoloveJayuntilthe

endoftimeandthenIgoandletsomerandomguysuckmeoff?I’materribleperson.

No,you’renot.Jay’svoiceechoedinsideEthan’shead.I’mgoneandnevercomingback.It’stime

foryoutoletgo.

“But I’m not ready.” Ethan gripped the sides of his head and bent at the waist. A strangled cry

passedhislips,thenahystericallaugh.

Wasthisit?Washelosinghismindagain?WouldhegohuntHoldendownandputhiminacage

likehe’ddonetopoorJensen?

“No!”Ethan’sbodyshookashestruggledtogaincontrol.
“Ethan.”Helookedupwhenaknockedsoundedathisdoor.“Areyouokay?”
Jensen’s voice beat a path through the panic rising in Ethan’s head. He took a calming breath

beforehecouldanswer.

“Yeah.I’mgreat.”
“Hey!”Jensenopenedthedoorandwalkedinside.HetookaseatnexttoEthanonthebed.“Sorry

wegotinlate.JoshandIreallydidn’twanttobegonethatlongonyourfirstnighthere.”

“No, it was fine.” Ethan patted Jensen on the knee. “I’m an adult and can take care of myself

withouthavingababysitterheretomonitorme,”heteased.

“Ohshutup.”Jensensmackedhiminthearm.“AllI’msayingisIknowthisisatoughtimeofthe

yearforyouandJoshandIbothwantyoutoknowwe’rehereforyou.Always.”Jensenentwinedhis
fingerswithEthan’sandheldhishand.

Aftereverythinghe’ddonetoJensenandJosh,Ethancouldn’tunderstandhowtheywereableto

forgivehim.

“Howcanyoubesoforgiving?”Ahottearfellfromhiseye.
“Ethan, sweetie, don’t cry.” Jensen wrapped his arm around Ethan’s shoulders. “Josh and I

understandwhatyouwereandarestillgoingthrough.You’reagoodpersonwhodeservestobehappy
again.Noonecanblameyouforlosingyourshitthereforawhile.Youlostthemanyouweregoingto

marry.Somepeoplecanneverrecoverfromsuchagreatloss,butyoudid.Everydayisastrugglebut
you’regettingbetter,Ethan.”

“NoI’mnot.”Hisvoicecameoutonasob.“I’materribleperson.”Hebroughthishandsupto

coverhiseyes.

“Whywouldyousaythat?”JensenrubbedhishandinsmallcirclesonEthan’sback.
“Iwentoutlastnight.”EthanshiftedonthebedtolookintoJensen’seyes.
“So.”Jensenliftedhiseyebrowsinconfusion.
“AndIletanotherguyblowme.”JustsayingitmadeEthan’sheartdropoutofhischest.Hefelt

likeapieceofshit.

“Oh.”Jensenpursedhislipsforasecondasiftryingtodigestwhathejustheard.“Oh!”Jensen’s

eyeswentwide.

“Ican’tbelieveIdidthatbut…”Ethandidn’tknowhowtoexplainit.CouldhetellJensenthat

Holden had been so tempting and sweet and there was no way on God’s green earth he could have
refusedtheman?Nomatterwhat,Ethanhadwantedit.HewantedtobewithHoldenandthefactthat
they had just met didn’t mean shit. For the first time in the past five years, Ethan wanted to feel the
touchofanotherperson.

“Butwhat?”Jensenpushed.
“Idon’tthinkIcouldhaveturnedmybackonhimandwalkedaway.”HeglancedoveratJensen.

“Doesthatsoundcrazy?”

“No.”Jensensnorted.“Ithinkit’sagoodthing.Notthatyoushouldbegettingblowjobsinpublic

parking lots, but that you’re putting yourself out there. Meeting people and making new friends is
alwaysagoodthing.You’vebeenalonelongenough,Ethan.”

Ethan nodded his head and bit his bottom lip to keep from saying anything else. There was

somethingaboutHoldenthatmadehimuniquecomparedtotheotherguyswhohadhitonhiminthe
past few years. Ethan actually wanted Holden to come on to him and proposition him. Totally out of
characterforEthan.

“So.”Jensenhoppeduponthebed,tuckinghiskneesunderneathhim.Thewayhesatreminded

Ethanofasmallchildexcitedtoplaywithanewtoy.“What’sthisguy’sname?I’vegottaknow.We
mightknowhim.”

“Uh, no.” Ethan stood from the bed and walked to the closet to grab some clean clothes before

headingtotheshower.“Notgoingtohappen.I’mtakinghisnametomygrave.”

“Why?”
“Why does it matter, Jensen?” Ethan held his arms out to the sides. “I’ll probably never see the

guyagainsoitdoesn’tmatter.”

“Ifthat’sthecasethenwhycan’tyouatleasttellmehisname?”Jensencrossedhisarmsoverhis

chestandglaredupathim.

“Jensen, come on.” Ethan could feel the start of a headache settling in. “Just let me have this,

okay?”

“Fine!” Jensen huffed after a whole minute of staring at him as if he thought that would break

Ethan.“Butifithappensagain,Iwanttoknowhisname,gotit?”

“Gotit.”EthanwavedJensenthroughthedoorwayandhefollowedhimout.Justashewasabout

toenterthebathroom,Jensencalledouttohim.

“Ethan,tonightwearegoingtoNehalemtohavedinnerwiththepack.Wewanttointroduceyou

totheguysandtheyaredyingtomeetyou.”

Ethan’smouththinnedintoastraightline.Hedidn’tfeellikehe’dbeverygoodcompany.“Idon’t

know,Jensen.”

“It’llbefun.It’safullmoonsotherewillbearunafterdinner.Ican’ttellyouhowamazingitisto

watch.Stillalittlecreepy,butdamnit’sexciting.”

Ethan had never had the pleasure of seeing Josh shift from human to wolf and he did want to

witnessitfirsthand.Hecouldendureonedinnerwithbeingthecenterofattentionjusttoseethewolves.
Becausetherewasn’tadoubtinEthan’smindthesemenwerecuriousabouthim.Afterall,Ethandid
lose his mind and attack Jensen and Josh. Their family members probably thought them insane for
forgivingEthan.

“Okay,I’llgo,”hesaidasheturnedtowardthebathroom.
“Don’ttrytohideit,”Jensenshoutedoverhisshoulder.“Iknowyou’reexcited!Seeyouaround

five.”

“Later!”EthanyelledouttoJensen,thengotintheshower.

****

“SoyouletsomeguyblowyouinClancy’sparkinglot?”
“Josh!”Jensensmackedhisloverinthearm.
Ethansatinthebackseat,debatingwhetherornottograbthedoorhandleandmakeajumpforit.
“What?”Joshaskedinashockedtone,eyeswide.
“I’msorry,Ethan.”Jensenturnedaroundtofacehim.“Itoldhim,thinkinghe’dtakeitseriously.”

Jensenglaredoverathisboyfriend.“ApparentlyIwaswrong.”

“Whenisitabadthingtocongratulateaguyongettinghisdicksucked?”Joshturnedtolookat

Ethan.“It’sabeautifulthing.”

“Deargod.”Ethanlethisheadfallbackonhisshoulders.Fromhisposition,hecouldseeoutside

therearwindowatthetwinklingstarsabovehim.Hekeptaneyeoutforafallingstarsohecouldmake
awishthatJoshnotembarrasshimtonight.

“Keepitupandyou’llnevergetanotheroneagain.Youfeelme?”Jensensaidbetweenclenched

teeth.

“Jeez,babe,calmdown.”
“Iwillifyoupromisetobeonyourbestbehaviortonight.”
“Ipromise,Ipromise.Justdon’ttakeawaythosefabulouslipsofyours.Mydickwouldbevery

lonely.”

“Fuck me,” Ethan growled. He was sick of listening to the two love birds. After three years of

livingtogether,JoshandJensenwerestilllikenewlyweds.“Arewealmostthere?”

Notmorethantenminuteslater,Joshpulledthecarupalongdrivewaytoalargehome.Itwas

gorgeous, set back from the road. A wide-open yard surrounded the house, then the forest behind it
circledtheproperty.Asfarastheeyecouldsee,treesgrewinthickclusters.Outthisfarfromthecity,
theskywasclear,withnoilluminatedpollutiontakingawayfromtheprettynightsky.Thestarsseemed
toshinebrighterouthisfar.

When Ethan climbed out of the car he noticed several other vehicles parked along the drive. It

lookedliketherewouldbeafullhousetonight.ThethoughtofbeingaroundalotofpeoplemadeEthan
a little nervous but he swallowed it down and pushed his hands in his pockets to keep them from
shaking.JensenandJoshdidn’tjudgehimandhehadtoimagineneitherwouldtheirfamilyandfriends.

“Comeon,Ethan.”Joshclampedahandonhisshoulder.“Ipromisenoonewillbiteyou.”
“That’sgoodtoknow,”hemutteredunderhisbreath.

Jensenpulledopenthefrontdoorandenteredfirst.EthanstayedbetweenJensenandJoshashe

walkedintotheloudhouse.Laughterandtalkinggreetinghimatthedoor.Acouplekidswentwhizzing
by,screamingouthellosastheypassed.

“That was Carson and Kamden.” Jensen provided the names for him. “Kamden’s got an older

brother around here somewhere but he’s too cool to hang with the younger boys.” Jensen made air
quoteswhenhesaidcool.“Here,let’sgointothekitchen.That’swhereeveryonecongregates.”

EthannoddedhisheadandfollowedJensen.
Thekitchenwasaflourishofactivity.Menofalltypesstoodaroundlaughingandtalking.Some

were standing, some were sitting. They all looked so very happy. This was an unusual concept for
Ethan.Sure,heknewhowhappyJoshandJensenwerebuthedidn’tknowtherewereotherslikethem
justashappy.

“Hey,Josh!”AmanthatlookedidenticaltoJoshstoodup.“IsthisEthan?”
“Yep.”Joshpulledtheothermanintoahug.“He’sourcrazyfriend.”
“Josh,sohelpmegod.”Jensengrowled.
“Nicetomeetyou,Ethan,mynameisJake.”EthanshookJake’soutstretchedhand.“I’mthegood

twin.”

“I’lltakeyourwordforit.”Ethansmiled.He’dseenseveralpicturesofJosh’sbrothers,Jakeand

Cole.JoshwasproudofhisbrothersandwasalwayssendingEthanpicsofthemwithfunnystoriesof
stuffthey’ddonetogether.

“LookwhoIfoundoutside.”Amancameincarryingonelittleboyoverhisshoulderandanother

one clutched in his arm around the waist. It was the little boys that had run past them in the front
hallway.

“UncleHolden,putusdown.”
Ethan’s eyes widened and he moved to get a better look at the man carrying the children. His

handsgrewsweatyandhisheartstartedtobeatoutofcontrol.

Hewatchedasthemansettheboysdownthenstoodbackup.Thebrightestblueeyeshe’dever

seen stared at him across the room. The smile that had been on Holden’s face fell and he took a step
towardEthan.

“Ethan?”Holdensaidinanearwhisper.
“Holden.”Ethancouldn’ttakehiseyesoffofHoldenashemadehiswayacrosstheroom.
Everything around Ethan seemed to go still. All the noise around them had grown quiet and he

didn’tknowifitwasjustinhisheadthatthesilencesurroundedhimorifeveryoneelseinthekitchen
pickeduponthetensionfloatingbetweenhimandHoldenandstoppedtalking.

“IwaswonderingwhenI’dseeyouagain.”ThesmilecamebacktoHolden’slips,lightinguphis

wholeface.

“Oh my god.” Josh looked between Ethan and Holden. “Is the guy you let blow you the other

night?”

“Josh!”
EthancouldhearJensensnappingatJoshandJoshlaughingbuthecouldn’tturnaroundtolookat

his friends. All his attention was for Holden. He had thought the strong attraction he had toward the
manwasjustafluke,butnowasHoldenstoodbeforehim,smilingwiththatwolfishgrinonhislips,
Ethanfoundhimselfspellbound.

Atthatmomenthe’dgiveanythingtokissHolden’slips.

ChapterSix

“Canwetalk?”Holdenglancedoverhisshoulderatallthestaringeyesdirectedtowardhimand

Ethan.“Alone?”

“Sure,I’dlikethat.”EthanfollowedHoldenoutofthekitchen,throughthehousetostandonthe

frontporch.

Holdenbentatthewaisttoresthiselbowsontherailingashestaredoffintothedarkenedyard.

Hewastryingtoarrangehiswordssohedidn’tcomeoutsoundinglikeacompletemoron.Walkinginto
the kitchen to see Ethan standing there had taken him by surprise. A good surprise. He had plans of
trackingthemandown,butfindinghimattheCarstenhousejustmadehisjobeasier.

HehadthoughtaboutEthanallthepreviousnight.Thesmellofhisskin,thesoundsEthanmade

when he came. How he begged for Holden to keep sucking his cock. Holden had loved every single
momentofit.UpuntilEthantookofflikethehoundsofhellwerechasinghimdowntomakeamealout
ofhim.

Holden looked up at Ethan. He stood, resting his hip against the railing, arms crossed over his

chest.Notasinglehairlookedoutofplace.Thewhitebutton-downshirtheworemadehistannedskin
standout.EthanlookedlikeadarkangelsentdownfromheaventoravageHoldenandtempthiminto
sin.Holdenfoundhimselffallinginlovewiththemanthelongerhestaredathim.

“Soyou’reJoshandJensen’sfriend.”Holdenpushedhimselfupfromtherailing.Hehadtostart

talkingorhewasliabletodosomethingstupidlikekissEthan.

“Yes.”Ethannoddedhisheadbutdidn’telaborateanymoreonthesubject.
“The same friend that drugged Jensen and beat the shit out of Josh?” Why did I just ask that?

Holdenwantedtosmackhimselfforaskingthatquestion.Itdidn’tseemrighttobringthatupnow.He
had heard about their friend that lived in San Francisco and that he suffered from some emotional
issues.Holdenwantedtoknowifhestillhadthem.

“Oneinthesame.”Ethanlaughed.
“Ididn’tmeantojustblurtthatoutlikethat.”Holdenshuthiseyestightandsilentlycountedto

ten.

“Noreally,it’sokay,Holden.”Ethanclaspedahandonhisshoulder.“Ihadahardtimetherefora

whileanddidsomethingsI’mnotproudof,butI’mbetternow.”

“Doyoumindtellingmewhathappened?”Holdenasked.
Ethan stared off in front of him. He looked lost in a memory. He was quiet for so long Holden

didn’tthinkhewouldanswer.“IlostsomeoneIcaredaboutanditcausedmetodosomeprettycrazy
things.”

“Howclosewasthisperson?”Holdenwantedtoyankthosewordsbackintohismouthbutitwas

toolate.Itwasn’tanyofhisbusinessbuthecouldn’tdenyhewasalittlejealous.

“Realclose,butI’drathernottalkaboutitifyoudon’tmind.”
“No,that’scool.”Holdenshovedhishandsinhispockets.“Forwhatit’sworth,ithadtobefun

beating the shit out of Josh.” Ethan lifted an eyebrow at him. “No seriously. The guy can be a total
toolboxattimes.Igiveyoumadpropsforsockingittohim,”heteased,wantingtoseeEthan’ssmile
again.Plusitdidn’thurtthatJoshwasanarrogantasswhoattimesdeservedagoodpunchintheface.

“Yeah, he does have that effect on people.” Ethan chuckled. After a moment Ethan sobered and

reachedforHolden’shand.“Holden,Iwanttoapologizeforlastnight.Ishouldn’thaverunoutonyou
likethat.”

“It’sfine,Ethan.”
“No,it’snot.”Ethanpulledhishandbackandtwistedthemtogether.“It’sjustbeenawhilesince

I’ve been with anyone and you did such a fabulous job, you know…” A slight flush colored Ethan’s
cheeks. “You just caught me off guard, but I really enjoyed it.” Ethan looked shyly up at Holden
throughhislong,darklashes.

“That’sgoodtoknow.”Holdensawhisopening.IfEthanlikedbeingwithhimthentherewasa

chanceitwouldhappenagainandsoon.

“Itis?”Ethanmethisgaze.
“Yeah.” Holden made a show of looking over his shoulder then taking a step closer to Ethan.

“Don’ttellanyone,butIkindoflikeyou.”Holdenwinkedathim.

Ethan’sheadfellbackashelaughedoutloud.TherichsoundwaslikemusictoHolden’searsand

hefoundhimselftakinganotherstepcloser,invadingEthan’spersonalspace.Heneededtofeeltheheat
radiatingoffofEthan’shardbody.

“Yoursecretissafewithmebut…”Ethanmadeaclickingsoundwithhistongue.“Asyouheard,

JoshandJensenknowaboutourlittleencountersoIthinkit’ssafetosaytheyknowwelikeeachother.”

“So you do like me?” It seemed important for Holden to clarify that one little fact. He took the

finalstepthatbroughthimchesttochestwithEthanandstaredintohisdeepbrowneyes.

“IguessIdo.”Ethansoundedshortofbreath,hiseyesloweredtoHolden’slips.
HoldenclosedthedistancebetweenthemandbrushedhislipslightlyoverEthan’s.Thesoft,moist

skin pushed against his own and a moan escaped Holden’s mouth. Ethan edged closer and tilted his
head,givingHoldenabetterangletodeepentheirkiss.ThetipofEthan’ssmoothtonguelickedathis
entranceandHoldenopenedwide,suckingEthaninside.Thetasteofmintandcoffeehithistastebuds
andheappliedmorepressuretodrinkdownmoreofEthan’sintoxicatingtaste.

“I hate to interrupt, but dinner’s ready,” Jensen announced from the open door. Holden glanced

overtoseeaknowingsmileontheotherman’sface.

“We’ll be there in a minute.” Holden looked back to Ethan. His eyes were heavy and his lips

glistenedinthemoonlightandheappearedtobeoutofbreath.

Oncetheywereleftalone,HoldenrubbedhishandsupanddownEthan’sarms.“Youhungry?”
“Iamactually.”Ethanseemedgenuinelysurprisedbythat.Heturnedandheadedforthedoor.
HoldenwantedtotellEthantheywerematesbuthedidn’twanttoruinthemoment.Announcing

somethinglikethatcouldgoeitherway,goodorbad.EthanhadapastthatHoldenneededtofindout
moreaboutbeforehewentanddeclaredhisintentionstowardtheotherman.Thelastthinghewantedto
dowassendEthanrunningforthenearestplanebacktoCalifornia.

“Hey,justsoyouknow,”Holdensaidasheheldahandintheair.Ethangavehimafunnylook.

“Therewasnothinglittleabouttheothernight.”HegrinnedatEthan.“Itwasaverynicesize.”

IttookamomentbeforeitdawnedonEthanwhatHoldenwasgettingat.Heshookhisheadashe

laughed.“I’lltakethatcompliment,thankyouverymuch.”

“Andyoushould.”HoldenheldopenthedoorforEthanandwavedhimthrough.
Back in the kitchen, everyone had taken their seats at the large, informal table. Only on nice

occasionsdidtheyeatinthediningroom.Largefamilyaffairssometimesendedwithfoodbeingtossed
at someone. Aiden had passed a rule that unless it was a holiday, all meals were eaten in the kitchen
whereitwouldbeeasytocleanup.

AtthefarendofthetablebetweenJoshandViktorweretwoemptyseats.Holdenplacedhishand

onEthan’sbackandledhimtowardtheopenchairs.

“So,Ethan,”Viktorsaidashehandedthesaladbowltohim.“Youlikingitheresofar?”Viktor

cockedaneyebrowashelookedbetweenEthanandHolden.

“It’s nice,” Ethan answered, missing Viktor’s implications. “Josh and Jensen have been wanting

metovisitforawhilesoIthoughtnowwasasgoodatimeasany.”

“True.”Viktortookabigbiteofhislasagna,cheesedrippingfromhischin.“Youalsogottomeet

thehotandverysingleHolden.Nice!”Hegaveathumbsup.

“I swear I don’t know why I let you out of the bedroom.” Viktor’s mate Shane shook his head

fromsidetoside.“Ethan,pleaseignorehim.He’slikeakidinaman’sbody.”

“Youweren’tsayingthatlastnight.”
“Children!”SkylerandCalebbothshoutedasthekidsinquestiongiggled.
Holden choked on a noodle and started to cough. Skyler was Carson’s father and Caleb and his

mate Seth had adopted two little boys, Kamden and Ryan. Skyler and Caleb were always the ones to
make sure the others watched what they said in front of the kids. Which Holden often found funny,
sinceSkylerhadamouthlikeasailor,buthewasgettingbetter.

After that little outburst, the conversation stayed on safe subjects, the weather and work. It was

nice how everything seemed to fall into place. Ethan joined in and seemed to be enjoying himself.
Holden listened with his ears but kept his eyes on Ethan. He wasn’t worried about him, no, he found
himself captivated with every word Ethan said and the smile he gave. Holden was finding himself
completelylostinthismanandhehadtohopethefeelingwasmutual.

****

Ethanfounddinnerveryinteresting.Hedidn’thaveanysiblings,sofamilymealsweretypically

pretty quiet, but not at the Carsten house. The Carsten brothers and their mates were very kind and
treatedEthanlikehebelongedthere.Theotherswerejustasnice.Noonebroughtuptheincidentthat
broughthimtogetherwithJoshandJensen,whichEthanwasgratefulfor.Thathadbeenabadtimein
hislifeandhewouldrathernothavetoreliveit.

Afterthedisheswerewashedandputaway,everyonewentoutside.Ethanlookedatallthemenas

theymadetheirwayoutsideandwasunsureifhewastofollow.

“Comeon,Ethan.”Holdenheldouthishandforhim.
ThatonesmallkindgesturehadEthan’sheartmelting.Holdenalwaysseemedtobethereifhegot

too nervous or unsure of what to do next. The only reason he was relaxed at dinner was because he
couldfeelHoldennexttohim.Thecomfortingheatfromhisthighkepthimgroundedandhewasable
tofocusonwhattheothersweresaying.

EthanknewthiswasdangerousterritoryhewassteppingintowithHoldenbuthecouldn’tstopit

evenifhetried.HewantedtobeclosetoHoldenandtotouchhim.AsmallpartofEthanfeltguilty.His
heartbelongedtoJayanditdidn’tfeelrightmessingaroundwithHoldenwhenhe’dalreadygivenhis
heartawayalongtimeago.Holdendeservedamanwhowaswholeandcouldgiveonehundredpercent
ofhisheart.

I’mgone,Ethan.It’stimetomoveon.Jay’swordsdriftedthroughhisbrain.
Ethan clenched his eyes tight, trying to hold back the flood of tears that wanted to gush out his

eyes.Thatvoiceinhisheadwasright.Jaywasgoneandnevercomingback,butcouldhereallyjust
moveon?

“Ethan, you okay?” Holden’s rough, warm fingers clasped his own. His thumbs moved in a

circularpattern,soothingEthan’sracingheart.

“Yes.”HeopenedhiseyesandlookeddeeplyintoHolden’seyes.Therewasnothingbuthonesty

andkindnessintheinkybluepools.HoldenwasagoodmanthatEthancouldseehimselffallinginlove

with,buthejustdidn’tknowhow,orifHoldenwantedamanasbadlybrokenashimself.“I’mbetter
now.”Helookeddownattheirlatchedhands.

“Sweet.”Holdenleanedforwardandsmackedakissonhislips.“Nowlet’sgetoutthere.Thelast

onetoshiftgetsleftbehindinthedirtandIhatetolose.”Holdenwinkedathim.

“How come that doesn’t surprise me?” Ethan smiled as he followed the sound of Holden’s evil

laugh.

WhenEthanandHoldensteppedoutside,theotherswereallstandingaroundtalking.Afirehad

beenstartedinthefirepitofftothesideandAidenandhisfatherPhillipweresettingchairsuparound
it.CarsonandKamdenranaroundincircles,chasingoneanotherwhiletheotherboyRyanstoodwith
arms crossed, looking quite bored. Ethan hadn’t been around a lot of kids in his life, but that one he
couldtellhadachiponhisshoulder.

Onceeveryonewasoutsidethemenwhowereabletoshiftstartedremovingtheirclothes.
“Uh,Holden.”Ethan’seyesdartedaroundatthemenindifferentstagesofundressed.
“Here,comewithme.”HoldenpulledEthanfurtherawayfromthecrowdtotheseclusionofthe

trees. “You’ll get used to it after a while. We’re shifters.” He shrugged. “Nudity doesn’t bother us.”
HoldentookoffhisshirtandhandedittoEthan,thentoedoffhisshoes.

Ethan stood there with his mouth hanging open as he watched Holden take off his clothes. The

manwasgorgeous.Alltight,hardmusclesthatranalonghisbody.Holdenpoppedthesnaponhisjeans
and Ethan damn near swallowed his tongue. Holden shoved the material down his legs, taking his
boxerswiththem.EthanlookeddownHolden’sbodyandthesemi-erectcockhangingbetweenhislegs
gavealittletwitchandEthan’shandlongedtoreachoutandtouchhim.

Breathe,Ethan,justbreathe,Ethanrepeatedlikeamantrainhishead.Hisowndesirewashittinga

feverpitchandhedidn’tknowhowmuchlongerhecouldstandthereandnotkissHolden.

“Becareful.”HoldenswipedafingeroverEthan’sbottomlip.“You’redrooling.”
“What?”ThatknockedEthanoutofhistranceandheswipedahandoverhismouth.
“Justkidding.”Holdenspunaroundandheadedtowardthegroupofnakedmenstandingbythe

edgeoftheforest.AllofasuddenHoldenstopped,turnedaround,andranbacktowardEthan.“Almost
forgot.”HegrabbedthesidesofEthan’sfaceandgavehimahardkiss.“Seeyousoon,anddoyoumind
holdingmyclothesforme?Thanks!”Holdenkissedhimagain,thenturnedaroundtoheadoff.

EthansmackedahanddownonHolden’sretreatingass.HelaughedatHolden’sloudyelp.
“Ethan!”HeturnedtoseeAidenwavehiminthedirectionofthefire.“Comesitoverherewith

us.”

EthanlookedinHolden’sdirectiononemoretime,oglinghisthick,muscledass,wishinghecould

massagethefirmglobesuntilHoldenopenedup,givingEthancompletecontroloverhisbody.

Stopit!Ethanchastisedhimself.Heneededtoplayitcoolandkeepallhisthoughtsplatonic.Like

that’s going to happen. I already want him. Ethan shook his head and did his best to knock those
thoughtsoutofhisbrain.

EthanwalkedoverandsatdownnexttoAidenandJensen.AloudhowlrangoutandEthanturned

toward the group of men in the back of the yard. A light shimmered over the men and the sounds of
poppingbonefilledthequietnight.EthanfoundHoldeninthegroupandwatchedashewentfromman
towolf.Skinstretchedtight,thenhairfilledinacrosshisgoldenskin.Holden’snosebegantogrowinto
asnoutandhisfeetandhandsmeldedintopaws.Oncethetransformationwascomplete,Holdenstood
up and shook his head, his jaws flopping open. Ethan sat there in amazement. Through the distance,
Holden’seyesfoundhimandEthancouldhaveswornthewolfsmiledathim.Anotherhowlshotout,
thenalltheshifterstookoff.

“Did I just see a white tiger?” Ethan sat forward in his chair, dropping Holden’s clothes on the

ground.

“Ohyeah,”Aidensaidasifitwerenobigdeal.“Shane’satigerandRyanandKamdenarecougar

shifters.”Aidenheldahandup.“Andpleasedonotmakeacommentonhowcatsanddogsdon’tget
along.I’msosickofthatoneIcouldspitnails.”Aidengrinnedoverathim.

“Notetaken.”Ethanlaughed.HewatchedthegrayandbrownofHolden’sfuruntilhewasoutof

sight.Eveninwolfform,EthanthoughtHoldenwasgorgeous.

Astheshifterswereoutrunning,Ethansatandlistenedastheirhumanmatestalked.Jensenhad

toldhimbeforethatsomeoftheshiftershadhumanmatesthatwerehunters,whichEthanthoughtwasa
conflictofinterest,butmadeforagreatlovestory.Hementallytooknotesonhowsomeofthemmet
andfellinlove.Ofcoursehe’dchangenamesandgendersbeforeheputanythingtopaper,butthese
menhadintriguingstoriestotell.

“DominicandIaregoingtoNewYorktomorrow,”thehunterbythenameofRodericksaid.“The

councilishavingameetingwithafractionoftheshifterscouncilonwhetherornottobuildaprisonfor
shifterswhocommitcrimesagainsthumansandtheirownkind.”

“Makessense.”Phillipshiftedinhisseat.“It’snotrighttokillshiftersaccusedofmurder.Hell,we

don’tdothattohumansandmostofthehumanprisonsarefilledwithcriminalswhoareguilty.”

Ethansatquietlyashelistened.HerememberedbitsandpiecesofwhatJoshandJensenhadtold

himbutitwasn’tstuffhethoughtaboutoften.Aslongashisfriendsweresafe,that’sallthatmatteredto
him.

“MydadhelpsrunstheeastcoastcouncilwithRoderick.”AidenpointedtowardPhillip.“See,my

dadandBrandonhavebeenpartnersforyears.Andoverthepastfewyearsthere’sbeenchangesmade
tothehunter’scouncil.Theynolongerkillindiscriminately.”

“That’sagoodthing.”Ethannoddedhishead.
“Yeah,therewastimewhenthiswouldn’thavebeenpossible,hunters,shifters,andhumansliving

togetherlikethis.”AsmilelitupAiden’sface.

“It’snotperfectthough.”Rodericksatupstraighterinhischair.“Westillhaveattacksonhumans

andshifters.It’sgottenbetterbutwestillhavealongwaytogo.”

The conversation continued and Ethan listened but soon found himself looking out toward the

trees,wishingHoldenwouldcomebacksoon.Hisskinfeltelectric,asifheweregoingtojumpoutof
it.HeenjoyedtalkingwiththeothersbuthismindkeptwanderingbacktotheimageofHolden’snaked
asswalkingawayfromhim,swayingfromsidetoside.AhungerlikeEthanneverfeltbeforeignitedin
thedepthsofhisstomachandallhecouldthinkaboutwasgettingHoldennakedandunderneathhim.

Alonehowlmethisears,pullingEthanoutofhismusings.Heshookhisheadandstoodup.
“Everythingallright,Ethan?”Jensenasked.
“Yeah.”Hethumbedoverhisshoulder.“I’mjustgoingtogoandgetsomethingtodrink.I’llbe

backinaminute.”

As he walked away, he heard the others laugh then someone said “sure he will.” Ethan ignored

themandheadedbacktowardthehouse.Hehadnoideawheretheothersthoughthe’dgoto,because
untilHoldencamebackhewasn’tgoinganywhere.

ChapterSeven

Ethanwalkedintothekitchenandgotaglassoutofthecabinet.Hefilleditwithwaterthentooka

drink.Heshiftedtolookoutthewindows.Thelightfromthefirecouldbeseenfromwherehestood
andhesearchedthedarknessforanysignofHolden.

“Oh shit!” The sound of scratching at the front door startled Ethan and he nearly dropped his

glass.Ethanlookedoutthewindowanddidn’tseeanythingoutoftheordinary,soheheadedtowardthe
frontdoor.Heopenedthedoorandlookedoutside.“Hello?”Ethancalledoutbutnooneanswered.

Ethansteppedoutontheporchandscannedtheyard.Justashewasabouttogiveupandgoback

inside, he caught the flash of two glowing eyes in the distance. Taking one step then another, Ethan
foundhimselfstandinginthedriveway,thenheadingtowardthetrees.

Asmallpartofhisbrainwasscreamingathimtorunbackinside,thatthiswasdangerous.Fear

quaked over Ethan’s skin, but then something inside him recognized the animal before him. It was
Holden.

Hecouldn’tbecertainhowheknewbuthejustknew.Holdenwasouttherewaitingforhiminthe

woodsandEthanwantedtogotohim.Outofthelightofthefrontporch,Ethanscannedthedarkness.
Outofthecornerofhiseyeshesawit,agrayandbrownwolfstaringathim.Thethickfurruffledinthe
eveningbreezeandEthanwantedtorunhisfingersthroughthesilkyhairtofeelitcaresshispalms.

Withonelastglanceoverhisshoulder,Ethanheadedintothethickoftreesatthesideofthefront

yardandfollowedHolden.Everysooften,thewolfwouldlookoverhisshoulderthencontinuetomove
forward. Before too long, Ethan lost sight of Holden and stood in the eerie darkness, looking for any
glimpseofthewolf.

Alow,whistlinghowlcarriedtoEthan’searsandheturnedtoseethewolfstandingfiftyfeetfrom

him.ThewolfslowlystartedtowalktowardEthan.ThecloserHoldengot,themoretheairaroundhim
startedtoshakeandshimmer,untilHoldenwaswalkinginhishumanform.

IttookEthan’sbreathawayeachtimehesawHoldenshift.Holdenneverbrokehisstrideashis

bodypoppedandstretchedbacktothatofahuman.AfiercenessinHolden’seyessentashiverdown
Ethan’s back and his balls began to tingle. The stiffness of his cock tented his jeans, making them
almostunbearabletobewearing.

The moonlight reflected off of Holden’s dark blue eyes and his skin glistened with a sheen of

sweat.Hischestnut-brownhairblewoverhisforeheadashemovedclosertoEthan.Ethanloweredhis
eyesandtookinthehardbodyasitmovedwithpurpose.Holden’smusclesflexedandtightenedwith
each step. Ethan’s mouth began to water as his eyes ate up the ridges and grooves of muscle that cut
down the center of Holden’s chest to the hills and valleys of his abs, then flowed into the indented V
anglingtowardhisheavycockasitswungthickbetweenhislegs.

Ahungerspurredtolifeinhisgut.Hehadtofeel,totastewhatitwasliketohaveHolden’sbody

consuminghim.HewantedHoldenlikeheneverwantedanyonebefore.

MorethanJay?
Thenaggingvoicethatalwaystauntedhimvoiceditsopinion.Onethatwascorrect.Didhewant

HoldenmorethanheeverwantedJay?ThatthoughtgaveHoldenpauseandhetorehiseyesawayfrom
Holden’ssexybody.Heneededamomenttothink,buttherewasnotimebecauseHoldentookthefinal
stepthatbroughtthemchesttochest.

Holden’snostrilsflaredashetookadeepinhaleofbreath.EthanfelthisbodyleantowardHolden

asifthemanwerebreathinginEthan’sverysoulthroughhisnose.

“Mine,”HoldengrowledbeforehelatchedhismouthtoEthan’s.
Ethan wrapped his arms low on Holden’s waist as the man lunged at him. They both fell to the

groundwithEthanlandingonhisback.BitsofrockandharddirtpokedatEthan’sbackbutheignored
itasHoldenlickedandnippedathismouth.

Holden’s smooth, hot tongue plunged deep into his mouth and everything beyond the here and

now with Holden vanished from his mind. He curled his fingers, digging into Holden’s ass cheeks,
pullingandmassagingthefirmglobesapart.

“Ineedyou,”HoldensaidagainstEthan’slips,thendovebackinforabruisingkiss.“Pleasemake

lovetome.”

Holden’spupilswereblownandasoftringglowedaroundthecenter.Ethan’scouldn’tspeak.He

feltasifhewerefallingintoHolden,becomingpartofthisman.

EthannoddedhisheadandHoldenfellbackontohim,capturinghislipsonceagain.AsHolden’s

fingersyankedandpulledathisshirt,EthantookthetimetofeelupanddownHolden’sback.Hetraced
alonghisspine,causingtheskintoprickleathistouch.

Holden gave up the fight and tore open Ethan’s shirt. Buttons flung out into nothingness. Once

their chests met, naked flesh to naked flesh, Ethan couldn’t get enough. He moved one hand up to
Holden’sneck,keepinghimpulledclose,andonehandonhisassholdinghiminplaceasheraisedhis
hips to grind their cocks together. His dick begged to be free as it was pressed into the zipper of his
jeans.

“Theseneedtogo.”HoldenmovedhishandsbetweentheirbodiesandunfastenedEthan’sjeans,

freeinghiscock.

EthansuckedinadeepbreathatthefeelofHolden’shotfingerswrappingaroundhisheatedflesh.

Hepumpedhishipsupward,fuckingHolden’sfist.EthanranhishandsupanddownHolden’sthighs,
needingtofeelasmuchofhisloveraspossible.

“Ineedyou.”HoldenleanedforwardandkissedEthan.
With Holden tilted forward, it put his ass in the air. Ethan reached back and ran his fingertips

alonghiscrackuntilhereachedhisrippledopening.Holdengaspedandpressedhisbottombackinto
Ethan’stouch.Ethanreachedbetweenthemandswipedhisfingeroverhisleakingcock,thenbrushed
the slick moisture back to paint over Holden’s hole. He circled and tested the muscle until he finally
slippedonefingerdeepinsideHolden.Tightheatsurroundedhisfingerandhepulleditoutandshoved
itbackin.

HoldenhowledandfuckedhisassontoEthan’sfingers.Ethanaddedonemore,thananother.He

curled his fingers forward and pegged his prostrate, which left Holden moaning and begging to be
fucked.

“I want you so fucking bad.” Ethan sat up, pulling his stomach muscles tight. “You want me to

fuckyou,Holden?”Ethanthrusthisfingersinhard.

“Yes.”Holdengroaned.
“Hardandfast?”EthantwinedhisotherhandinHolden’shair,yankingtheman’sheaddownto

his,meetinghisheavy-liddedstare.“Youwantmetomakeyouscream?”

“God,yes!”HoldenshookinhisarmsandEthansmiled.
“Get me wet then I’ll give you what you want.” Ethan let go over Holden’s hair and pulled his

fingersfreeofHolden’sbody.Hethenlaidbackdownandfoldedhisarmsbehindhishead.

Holden shimmied down Ethan’s body until his face hovered over Ethan’s cock. Ethan looked

down to see Holden’s dark eyes staring at him. Slowly Holden stuck out his tongue and licked at the
oozingslitatthetipofthehead.HehummedaroundthecrownasheswalloweddownEthan’sentire

length.

EthanbroughthishandsdowntoHolden’sheadandgrabbedhimbytheearsashebegantofuck

hislover’smouth.HoldenmoanedandsuckedonEthan’scocklikehewasworshipingit.Ethancould
feelHoldenrelaxhisthroatashesuckedhiscockallthewaytotheroot.Thewet,hotsensationwastoo
much.IfHoldenkeptthisup,Ethanwasgoingtoblow.

“Holden.”Ethangrabbedafistfullofhishairandpulledhismouthoffhisspit-coveredshaft.“I

wantyoutositonmyhard,fatcockandrideme.”

Holden nodded his head and moved to straddle Ethan’s hips. He reached back and positioned

Ethan’scockathisopening,theneasedhiswaydown.Inchbyslowinch,Holden’sbodytookinEthan’s
lengthuntilHolden’sasswasflushtohisthighs.

ThetightclenchofHolden’svelvetysmoothchannelgrippedEthan’scocksosnugglyhefelthis

ballsdrawup,preparingtounleashamind-explodingorgasm.

“You’resotight.”EthansatupandwrappedhisarmsaroundHolden’swaist.Hepressedhisface

intoHolden’schest,breathinginhiswildscent.“Ilovebeinginsideyou.”Andhedid,andadmitting
thatdidn’tfrightenEthan.Hecoulddierightnowandhe’ddiehappy.Probablythehappiesthe’dever
been.

“Iloveyoubeingthere,”HoldenwhisperedintoEthan’sear,thentracedhistonguealongtheouter

shell.

EthancurledhishandsoverHolden’sshouldersandpulledHoldendownwhilehethrustupinto

Holden’sass.Holden’sheadfellbackonhisshouldersandEthanbitintohisshoulderaspleasurespun
likemoltenlavainhisballs,thenexplodedouthiscock.EthancontinuedtofuckintoHolden’sbodyas
he removed one hand from Holden’s shoulder to jerk Holden’s cock to completion. Holden’s dick
pulsedandcumshotoutthetiptocoverEthan’sfingers.

Astheygaspedforbreath,EthanusedhisotherarmtoholdHoldencloseandHoldenburiedhis

face in Ethan’s neck. Between the sweat covering their bodies and Holden’s cum, they were stuck
together and there was no place Ethan would rather be than right here with Holden, clinging to one
another.

“Mine,” Holden whispered along Ethan’s shoulder. “You’re my mate and I’m never letting you

go.”

EthanranhisfingersupanddownHolden’sback,listeningtothemantalkbutnotreallyhearing

whathewassaying.Hismindwastooblissedouttomakeheadsortailsofanything.Ethanjustwanted
tosoakupthejoycoursingthroughhisveinsplacedtherebyHolden.

HoldenrepeatedhiswordsagainandEthanfinallycouldhearthroughthefuzzinhisears.Mate?

EthanpulledbackfromHoldenandlookedintohiseyes.

“Whatdidyousay?”Aknotformedinhisthroatandhewasafraidhewasgoingtochoke.
“You’remymate,Ethan.”HoldencuppedthesideofEthan’sface.
“Ohmygod!”EthanshovedHoldenoffhislapashestoodtohisfeet.“Thiscan’tbehappening.”

Ethantuckedhissoftcockbackintohispants.“I’mnotreadyforthis,”hewhisperedsoftlytohimself.

Ethan was terrified. He liked Holden, like, really liked him. Liked him more than he probably

should,andknowingthattheyweremateswastoomuchtohandleatthemoment.Ethanhadalready
beeninloveonceandhelostthatperson.WhathappenedifhelostHolden?JoshandJensentoldhim
longagothatbeingawolfshifterdidnotmakethatpersonimmortal.Wolfshifterscoulddiejustlikea
regularoldhuman.Ethandidn’tthinkhecouldsurvivelosinganotherpersonheloved.Thethoughtof
havingtoburyHoldenandputhiminthegroundsentacoldchilloverhisskin.

Ican’tgothroughthatagain.Ijustcan’t.

“Ethan, talk to me.” Holden followed at Ethan’s heels but Ethan didn’t stop. “Ethan, will you

pleasestopwalkingaway.Tellmewhat’sthematter?”HoldengrabbedEthan’sarmandEthanyankedit
back.

EthancouldseethelightspillingfromthefrontporchoftheCarstenhouseandrushedtowardit.

Hecouldn’tdealwiththisrightnow.EthanwantedHoldenandwantedtofeelsomesortofhappiness
knowingtheywerematesbuthejustcouldn’t.Hisheartcouldn’ttakeanotherloss.

“Hey,thereyouguysare,”Joshcalledout,asmilelightinguphisface.“Didyouhavealittlefun

timeoutinthewoods?”Ethanstaredatthegroundashenearedhisfriend,unabletomeethisstare.Josh
must have sensed something was wrong and placed his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. “What’s wrong,
Eth?”Whenhedidn’tanswer,JoshsteppedinfrontofHoldenandshovedhiminthechestasHolden
reachedforEthan.

“Whatthehell,man.”HoldenstumbledbackastepthenrearedbackandpushedJoshsquareinthe

chest.

“Don’t touch him, Holden.” Josh dodged to the left, cutting off Holden’s path to Ethan. “We’re

friends,Holden,butI’llkickyourfuckingassifyougetnearhim.”

“Fuckyou!”HoldenshoutedinJosh’sface.“Ethan,pleasetalktome,”Holdenpleadedwithhim.

“Don’tshutmeoutlikethis.”

All the commotion had the others coming out of the house to stand on the front porch. Ethan

pulled his shirt together but without the buttons, he couldn’t keep it closed. He felt exposed standing
withhisshirtgapingopen,smellinglikesex.

“What’sgoingonouthere?”DevonshoutedaboveJoshandHolden’svoices.Helookedbackat

EthanthantoJoshandHoldenagain.

“Ethan,please.”HoldenreachedforhimbutEthantookastepback.
Ethanbroughthishandsuptocoverhisears.Thewhitenoiseinhisearswassoloudhedrowned

outalltheothers.Hetookadeepbreath,tryingtosettlehisnerves.Hecouldfeelthestaresoftheothers
astheystoodtherewatchinghimhaveapanicattack.

****

Holden didn’t have a clue what was happening. One minute he’s having the best sex of his life,

caughtintheafterglowofdiscoveringhismate,thenthenexthe’schasingafterEthan.

He wasn’t blind. He saw the real fear shrouding Ethan’s face as he told him they were mates.

Ethanfreakedoutandcouldn’tgetawayfromHoldenfastenough,buthedidn’tknowwhy.Hehadn’t
misreadthesigns.Ethanwanteditjustasmuchashedidsowhywasheactinglikethisnow?

Hischestachedandtheairrushinginandoutofhislungsmadehiswholebodyheave.Itwaslike

hangingfromacliffwithnothingtograbontoandnosafetynetunderneath.Holdenwasinafreefall
andhedidn’tlikethelossofcontrol.He’djustgivenhimselftoEthanbodyandsoulandnowtheman
actedliketheverythoughtofHoldentouchinghimrepulsedhim.Andtomakemattersworse,hewas
buttassnakedwithEthan’scumdrippingdownthebackofhislegs.Perfect.

“Holden,justtakeastepback,okay.”DevonmovedtostandbesideJosh,blockingHoldenfrom

gettingtohismate.“GiveEthansomespace.”

“Ican’tdothat.”HoldenheldDevonstare,silentlybeggingthemantoseethathewashangingby

athreadandneededhimtounderstand.

“Fuck,Holden,backoff.”DevonthrewhisarmouttocatchJoshashetookasteptowardHolden.
“Holden,what’sgoingon?”Devonaskedinalowvoice,tiltinghisheaddowntowardHolden.

“He’smymate,Devon.”Onehottearranfromhiseye.“Ican’tjustlethimgo.”
“Fuckme.”Joshgaspedandranahandthroughhisshaggyblondhair.“Holden,man,I’msorry,

but you’ve got to give Ethan some space.” Josh moved closer, whispering for only Holden to hear.
“There’ssomestuffyoudon’tknowabout,man.Giveitsometime.”

Holden’sjawtickedashelookedatJoshthenovertowhereEthanstood,clutchinghisshirttohis

chest. He looked so lost that Holden’s heart broke in two. Ethan told him he lost someone and now
HoldenthoughthehadanideaofwhothatsomeonemighthavebeentoHolden.

“Helooksscared,Holden.”DevonmotionedwithhischinovertoEthan.“I’mnotsayingtogive

uponhim,butmaybejustfortonightyouletthisgo.”DevonheldupahandwhenHoldenstartedto
protest.“Igetit.He’syourmate,butlookathim.He’snotreadytoacceptthis.”

HoldenwatchedasJensenranovertoEthan,hugginghimclose.ApartofHoldenwantedtorun

overandtearJensentoshredsforlayingasinglefingeronhismate,butEthanandJensenwerefriends.
And more than that, Ethan needed someone to comfort him and Ethan didn’t want that person to be
Holden.

Fuckitall.Holdenliftedhishandandrackedhisfingersthroughhishair.Hehadnochose.
“Josh,willyoupleaseaskhimtocallme,”HoldenfinallysaidashewatchedJensenleadEthan

towardtheircar.

“Sure thing, man.” Josh rested a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, don’t take any of this personally.

Ethan’sgonethroughalot.It’sobviousthathelikesyou.LetmeseewhatIcando.Allright?”

Holdennoddedhishead.Hehadtoblinkhiseyesrapidlytokeepthetearsthatwantedtofallfrom

runningdownhischeeks.Hisheartphysicallyhurt.Whatelsecouldhepossiblydo?

DevonstoodnexttohimastheywatchedJosh,Jensen,andEthandriveaway.
“Don’tworry,Holden.”DevonwrappedhisarmaroundHolden’sshoulders.“It’llworkitselfout.

Justgiveittime.”

Holdendidn’tsayanythingashewatchedthetaillightsfadeintothenight.Apieceofhissoulwas

beingtornfromhisbodywitheverymilethatseparatedhimfromEthan,butthatwassomethinghehad
toaccept.HoldenknewonethingandthatwasthatheandEthanweremates.EventuallyEthanwould
seethat Holden wasn’tgoing anywhere andcome to trust him.Or at leastthat’s what Holden wished
for.

ChapterEight

ThedrivebacktoSilverCreekwasdoneinsilence.Ethanwasthankfulforthat.Hedidn’thave

wordsforJoshorJensen.Butworstofall,hedidn’thaveanywordstogiveHolden.

Everythinghadbeengoingsogreat.He’dtouchedandkissedHoldenanditmadehimfeelalive.

Thenwhentheymadelove,itwasbeyondperfect.Itwasasifhissoulhadbeensetfreeandforthefirst
timeinthepastfiveyearshedidn’tfeelsoalone.

WhentheypulleduptoJoshandJensen’shouse,JoshparkedthecarandEthanclimbedout.He

waitedwhileJensenunlockedthedoor.Hedidn’tsayanything,justwalkedtothebathroomandshut
thedoor.Hemadesuretoflipthelockthenturnedtheshowernozzletohot.Ethantookoffhisclothes
thensteppedunderthespray,prayingthescorchingwaterwashedawayallhisfearsandinsecurities.

Ethanhadn’tnoticedwhenthefirsttearfellasitwaswashedaway.Itwasn’tuntilhewasgasping

forbreathandsobbingsohardhisbodyshook.Ethanfellbackagainstthetilewallandsliddownuntil
hesatonhisbutt,thewaterrainingdownontohishead.

Hehadn’twantedtoshutHoldenout,buthewasn’treadytofallinloveagain.Thefearofbeing

leftalonelikeJayhaddonetohimstillstungtoodeep.OfcourseHoldenwouldneverintentionallyhurt
him, but life held no guarantees and Ethan wasn’t sure he could put his heart out there again only to
haveitcrushed.

Thewaterstartedtoturncold,soEthanpulledhimselfupandgotoutoftheshower.Hetoweled

off then wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door. The house was quiet and Ethan
appreciatedJoshandJensenunderstandingthatheneededsometimealone.

Ethan walked in to his room, not bothering to turn on the light. He slipped under the soft

comforterwithoutputtingonanyunderwear.

The moonlight streamed through his window and Ethan stared out it. Exhaustion bore down on

himandhecouldnolongerkeephiseyesopen.HismindracedwithsomanythoughtsaboutHolden,
Jay,andfallinginloveagain.Itmentallydrainedhim.Ethanhadbeenafraidhewouldn’tgetabitof
sleepbuthe’dbeenwrong.Itwasn’tuntilthesunpouredthroughhiswindowtowarmhischeekdidhe
realizedhe’devenfallenasleep.

Ethangotoutofbedandputonapairofloose-fittingjeansandaredT-shirt.Helefthisfeetbare

andheadedoutintothekitchen.Thebittersmellofcoffeefilledtheairandhefollowedhisnosetothe
blessedpot.

He filled the mug that sat next to the coffee maker. The whole time, he could sense Jensen’s

presenceintheroom.Themandidn’tsayanything,justwaiteduntilEthanturnedaround.

“Morning,”Ethansaidashetookaseatatthetable.
“Morning, Ethan.” Jensen looked him over, finally coming to a conclusion about something and

noddinghishead.“Youfeelbettertoday?”

“Iguess.”Ethanshrugged.
“Youwanttotalkaboutit?”
“IfIsayno,willyoudropit?”Ethancountered.
“No.”Jensenshookhishead,notlookingtheleastbitguiltyabouthisanswer.“You’remyfriend

andneedIremindyou,I’myourfriendevenafteryoudruggedmeandlockedmeinafreakingcage.So
pleaseappreciatejusthowunderstandingofapersonIamandtalktome,Ethan.”

Heknewhisfriendsdidn’tbringthatfactuptomakehimfeelbad,buttheydidliketopointouton

occasionjusthowunderstandingtheywere.

“Youwillneverletmelivethatdownwillyou?”Ethanchuckledthentookadrinkofhiscoffee.
“WhywouldIwhenitgivesmesomuchleverageoveryou?”Jensenwinkedathim.
“Soverytrue.
“Butseriously,whathappened?”ConcerncreasedJensen’sbrow.
“Ipanicked,”Ethansimplyansweredbecauseitwasthegod’shonesttruth.“Everythingwasgoing

sogooduntilhesaidweweremates.”Hechokedonthelastwordandhadtocoughtoclearhisthroat.

“Isee.”Jensensatbackinhischairandtookadrinkfromhismug.Helickedhislips.“Doyou

likehim?”

“Excuseme?”Thatquestionseemedtocomeoutoftheblue.
“Isaid,doyoulikehim?”
Ethanthoughtaboutitforamoment.HeclosedhiseyesandallhecouldseewasHolden’ssmiling

face. The way his blue eyes crinkled as the light reflected off them. Holden was beyond nice and so
lovingtowardEthan.ItseemedlikeagessincesomeonehadtouchedhimsogentlyandmadeEthanfeel
wanted. To be desired by someone else made Ethan feel ten feet tall and like he could leap over a
buildinginasinglebound.Granted,hewasn’tasuperhero,butHoldenhadtheabilitytomakehimfeel
likehecoulddoanything.

AsEthansatthereinJensen’skitchensippingcoffee,hecouldn’tdenyhowhisbodyshookwitha

longing to race back to Holden and apologize and beg him to forgive him. He didn’t like being
separatedfromHolden,butabiggerpartofhimwastooscaredtosuccumbtolettinganotherloverinto
hislife.

“I do, but…” There was no way he could explain it to Jensen in any way the other man would

understand. Jensen had Josh and as far as Ethan knew, he was the only man Jensen had ever loved.
Jensendidn’tknowwhattruelosswasandEthanprayedheneverfoundout.

“Ethan,I’mnotgoingtosithereandsayIknowwhatyou’regoingthroughbecauseIdon’t.I’ve

beenluckynottohaveexperiencedwhatyouhave,butIdoknowonething.”Jensenheldupafinger.
“Ifyouwalkawayfromthiswithouteventryingtomakeagoofit,you’llregretitfortherestofyour
life.”EthanglancedupandsawthatJensen’seyeshadbeguntowater.“Notmanypeoplegetasecond
chanceatfindingtheirtruelove,soplease,pleasedon’twalkawayfromthis.Holdencouldhelpheal
yourbrokenheart.”

“Butwhatifhedies,too?”Ethan’svoicehitchedasasearingpainstabbedthroughhischest.Just

mentioningthathadhisworldrockingonitsaxis.Ethancouldn’timagineaworldthatHoldendidn’t
existin.

“Wecan’tpredictwhattomorrowwillhold,Ethan.”
“Exactly.”EthanslammedhishanddownonthetableandJensenjerkedinhischair.“I’mnotsure

I’mstrongenoughtoletmyselffallinloveagain.”AsEthansaidthosewords,heknewhewaslyingto
himself,becausehehadalreadylethimselfslip.HewasfallinghardandfastforHoldenandtherewas
nopullingbackonthereignsorstoppingit.

“It’s not something we can control, Ethan.” Jensen reached out and laid his hand over Ethan’s.

“We’re all living to die.” He shrugged. “That’s the way the world works. There are no promises or
guarantees,butwehavechoices.WecaneitherbemiserablewiththetimeallottedtoushereonEarth
or we can live life to its fullest. Experience every happy, sad, frustrating thing that makes life worth
living.Andmostofall,love.Alifewithoutloveisnotalifeworthliving,Eth,youknowthat.”

Heknewthat.Ethanhadlivedlikethatforthepastfiveyears.Ifanyoneknewwhatitfeltliketo

belivingalovelesslife,itwashim.Itwaslonely,andattimesEthanprayedfordeathbecauseheknew
hecouldn’tandwouldn’tkillhimself.Hecouldn’tdothattohismomanddadortoJoshandJensen.

“Jensen, I just think I need some time to figure it all out.” Ethan ran a hand through his hair,

shovingthethicklocksoffhisforehead.

“Itotallyunderstandthat,butjustdon’twaittoolong.”Jensengotuptoputhismuginthesink.

“I’mgoingtoheadofftoworkunlessyouwanttoborrowmycar,thenIcanworkfromhometoday,”
Jensensaid,almosthopeful.

“When will you ever give up?” Ethan laughed and shook his head. Jensen had a tenacity about

himthathadtodriveJoshinsane.

“NotuntilIknowyou’rehappy.”JensenbentdownandgaveEthanaone-armhug,thenheaded

outthedoor.

Ethanfinishedhiscoffeeandputhismuginthesinkandwalkedbacktohisbedroom.Hepulled

hislaptopfromhisbagandwenttogositoutonthebackpatio.Itwasearlyandthesunhadjustcrested
overthetreesinthebackyard.Hepowereduphiscomputerandtypedinhispassword.

“Damnit!”
Ethan’sheadpoppedupattheangrytoneofthewordandsawabackpackcomesailingoverthe

high wooden fence, followed by a blond-haired boy. Ethan squinted his eyes and decided the young
manlookedmorelikeateenager,andtherewassomethingfamiliaraboutthekid.

“CanIhelpyou?”Ethancalledout.
“Huh?”Thekidswunghisfeetoverthefenceinaverygracefulmannerandlandedonhisfeet.

“Hey,don’tIknowyou?”

“Idoubtit.”Ethanstoodupandwalkedtotheedgeofthepatio.“Isthereareasonyou’reclimbing

overmyfriend’sfence?”

“That’s where I know you.” The kid pointed a finger at Ethan and smiled. “You’re Jensen and

Josh’scrazyfriendfromCali.”ThekidshoulderedhisbackpackandwalkedovertoEthan.“I’mRyan.
Wemetlastnightatdinner.”

Thecrazyfriend?Great.
Ryanshovedhishairoutofhiseyesandhisbrightsmilerangabell.Buthehadn’tseenthekid

smile at all the previous night. The smile Ryan had was exactly like his kid brother Kamden. Ethan
rememberedhimbecausethelittleboyactuallytalkedtohim,unlikehisolderbrother.

“That’sright.”EthanheldouthishandtoshakeRyan’s.“You’reKamden’sbrotherandCarson’s

friend.”

“We’renotfriends,”Ryansnapped,hisjawgoingrigidasifhewereabouttoscream.“He’sjustan

annoyinglittlepestthatwon’tleavemealone.”

“Okay.”EthanlookedatRyanandcouldseethathehadupsetthekid,buthewasn’tsurewhy?He

thoughtthekidmighthavesomeangerissues.“Sowhatareyouupto?”Hemotionedtowardthefence.

“MissedthebusagainandSethsaidifIoversleptanddidn’tmakethebusandhehadtodriveme,

hewasgoingtodockmyallowance,”Ryansaidasifthatexplainedeverything.

“Andwhydoesthishaveyoujumpingthefence?”
“WeliverightbehindyouandI’vefiguredoutifIgooverthefenceIcancatchthebusatthestop

at the corner of your street. This makes everyone happy. I get a few extra minutes to sleep and Seth
doesn’thavetodrivemetoschool,andIgetmyallowance.”

“Oh,Igetit.”Ethanlaughed.“You’reamanofmanytalentsIsee.”Hehadtogiveittothekidto

problemsolvelikethat.Mostkids,includingatwelve-year-oldEthan,wouldhavejustaskedhismom
ordadforaride.

“Hey,aguy’sgottodowhataguy’sgottodo.”Ryanliftedhishandtowave,thenheadedforthe

fenceatthefrontoftheyard.

“Ryan!”Ethansaidloudenoughtograbhisattention.
“Yeah?”
“Whydon’tyoujustgothroughthehouse?”Ethanoffered.
“Sweet!”Ryansmiled,wavedagain,andthendisappearedintothehouse.
Ethan heard the front door shut and sat down at the table. He remembered being that young,

withoutacareintheworld,withhiswholelifeaheadofhim.Whathewouldn’tgivetogobackintime.
Thereweresomanythingshe’dchange.ThemostimportantbeingtosaveJay.Butthatwasafantasy
thatwouldnevercometopass.

Ethantriedtogooverhisnotesandplotoutthenextchapterinhisbookbuthismindkeptfloating

backtoHolden.Thesoundofhisvoice,thesmellofhisskinwhenheborehisfaceintohischestwhile
theyfuckedonthehardcoldground.God,hecouldn’ttakehismindoffHoldenforonesecond.Ifhe
didn’tgetthisissueresolved,he’dnevergetanyworkdoneagain.

****

Fridaymorning,Ethanwokeup,showered,allwithaplansetinplace.Afterspendingthebetter

part of the previous day daydreaming about Holden, Ethan made a decision. He had to confront the
man.Tellhimwhyhereactedthewayhedid.Holdendeservedatleastthatmuch.Maybetheycould
findawaytobefriendswhileEthancametotermswithbeingabletoloveanotherpersonagain.

****

EthanhadbreakfastgoingwhenJoshcamerushingthroughtheentryway.Hewasinarushbutput

somescrambledeggsontoastandthankedEthanasheheadedoutthedoor.Alittlewhilelater,Jensen
cameoutwearingkhakisandalightbluebutton-downshirt.

“Whyyouupsoearly?”Jensenpouredacupofcoffee.
“Couldn’tsleep.”EthandishedoutsomeeggsforJensen,thensnatchedthetoastfromthetoaster

andlaiditontheplate.HesetitdowninfrontofJensen.

“Icantell.”JensenlookedfromtheplateoffoodtoEthanthenbackagain.
EthanstartedtowashthedishesthatwereinthesinkwhileJensenate.HewantedtoaskJensenif

heknewwhereEthancouldfindHoldenbuthereallywantedtobypasshearingJensensayhewasright.

“Spillit,mister.”JensenspokeupandEthanglancedoverhisshoulder.Hiseyebrowsweredrawn.

“Don’tgivemethatlook.Icantellsomethingisbotheringyou,sojusttellme.”

“Okay.” Ethan shut off the water and pulled out the chair next to Jensen. “You see, I’ve been

thinking…”Ethantwistedhishandstogether,searchingfortherightwordstoexplainhimself.

“YouwanttoknowwhereHoldenlives,don’tyou?”Jensenputaforkfulofeggsintohismouth.
“Deargod!Areyoupsychicnow?”Ethanteased.
“No,butIcantellyou’renervousandthereisonlyonethingthatwouldcauseyoutoactlikethis.

Holden.”

Damnitall.EthanhatedwhenJensenwasright.Itwashardtobelievehe’donlyknownthemfor

fouryears.

“Okay,yougotme.”Ethanheldhishandsupinashowofdefense.“I’vebeenthinkingandIat

leastoweHoldenanexplanation.ThismatethingisaprettybigdealtoshiftersandIdon’twanthimto
thinkI’vejusthunghimtodry.”

“Ethan,youdorealizethismatething,”hemadequoteswithhisfingersintheair,“isaprettybig

dealtoushumancounterparts?Igetthatyou’renotreadytobeinarelationship,butnomatterhowfar
awayyourunfromit,thatfeelinginyourheartwhenyouthinkofHoldenwillalwaysbringyoubackto
him.ItstruelovewithoutallthatbullshitHollywoodhappyendingcrapthatwelieandtellourselvesis
loveor,inyourcase,writer’sbullshit.”

“Jeez,Jensen,tellmehowyoureallyfeel.”Ethanrolledhiseyes.Yes,hewroteromancenovels

foraliving,andtheironyofthatwasn’tlostonhim,seeingashedidn’twanttofindlovebuthehadno
troublewritingstoriesaboutpeoplefindingtheironeandonly.

“Do you want his address or not?” Jensen narrowed an eye at him and Ethan nodded his head.

“AndIbetyouwanttoborrowmycaraswell?”

“Yes,please.”
“It’sluckyforyouIbroughttheplansIwasworkingonhomewithmelastnight.Ihadasuspicion

thatyoumightpullyourheadoutofyourass.”

“Gosh,Jensen.”Ethanchuckled.“WhoneedsenemieswhenIhavefriendslikeyou?”
“Exactly,anddon’tyouforgetit.”JensensmiledatEthan.
BythetimeJensenfinishedhisbreakfast,Ethanwasurgingthemantohurryup.Hehadtogetin

that car before he lost his nerve. Fear and excitement were waging a war inside his head and Ethan
didn’tknowwhichonewasgoingtowinthebattle.

“Holden’saddressisprogrammedintomyGPS.Justclickthisandyou’reset.”
“Okay, thanks, Jensen.” Ethan got into the car, his hands shaking as he turned the key in the

ignition.

“Hey,Ethan.”JensengrabbedthedoorasEthanmovedtocloseit.“Promisemeonething.”Ethan

looked Jensen in the eye and nodded his head. “Please keep an open mind about all this. I can see
you’rehopingyoucanresolvethiswithoutgettingemotionallyinvolved,butsometimeswhenweleast
expectit,wefindsomethingreallygreat.”

“Iknow,Jensen.”Ethanblewoutabreath,suddenlyverytired.“Ineedtofigurethisoutonmy

own,okay?”

Jensen gave him a stiff nod and shut the door. Ethan pulled out of the drive and headed toward

Nehalem. As he got closer, all the things he planned to say to Holden vanished as if erased from his
brain.EthantookadeepbreathandprayedhefiguredoutwhattosaybeforehegottoHolden’shouse.

ChapterNine

It had been two days since Holden had seen Ethan. He ran a hand over his chest, knowing no

matterhowhardherubbedthemuscles,itwouldn’ttakeawaythesting.Itwashisheartthatachedand
no matter what he did, there was no cure. The only thing or person that would make him not feel so
sluggishanddepressedwasEthan,buthewasn’tgoingtoholdhisbreaththatthemanwouldseekhim
out.

HesawtheterrifiedlookinEthan’sfacetheothernight.Holdenwouldgivehisleftnuttoknow

whathadhappenedinhismate’spast.Theyhadbeensohappyandhavingsuchagoodtimeandthen
Ethanranofflikeascaredlittlepuppy.Holdenwantedtounderstandwhatcausedthereaction.No,he
neededtoknoworhe’dneverbeabletogoonwithhislife.

With nothing else to do, Holden peeled himself out of bed and took a long, hot shower. As he

soapeduphisbody,hetookhistimecleaninghiscock.Hefondledhisballsbutnothinghappened.It
wasasifhisdickwasbrokeandtheonlyfixwasEthan’stouch.

“Fuck!”Holdenbangedhisfistintothetilewall.Ifthatwerethecase,hemightaswellgetusedto

neverhavinganotherorgasmagain.Heshudderedatthethought.

Holdenfinishedhisshowerthengotdressed.Hethrewonapairofcargoshirtsandadarkgray

polo. He had promised to pick Carson up from school and take him to dinner later that night, so he
wantedtolookpresentable,andpajamabottomsweren’tgoingtocutit.

The last thing he needed was for Carson to worry about him. He loved his nephew more than

anythingintheworldandhedidn’twantCarsontothinkhisunclewasdepressedorcomingdownsick.
Carsonwasstilltooyoungtoknowhowlifecouldjustfuckapersonsometimes.Itsucked.

Holdenhadjustgatheredthekitchentrashandwastakingitoutthebackdooraroundthesideof

thehousewherehekeptthegarbagecanwhenhesawasmallblackcardrivingdowntheroad.Itlooked
familiarbutHoldenjustshruggeditoff.Therewereatonofcarslikethatintheworld.Holdenturned
around to head back into his house when he heard the car turn down his driveway. He stopped and
staredforamoment.Heputhishanduptoshieldhiseyesfromthesun.

“Ethan,”Holdenwhisperedashemadeouthismate’sfaceintheshadeofthecar.
Holden’sheartstartedtoraceandhiswholebodytrembledwithexcitement.Ithadtobeagood

thingifEthanhaddrivenallthisway.MaybeEthanhadcometosortthingsoutwithhim.Holdencould
alwayshope.

Ethan parked the car in Holden’s driveway, blocking his truck in. It took a moment, but Ethan

slowlygotoutofthecar.

“Hey.”Ethanwavedasheshutthedoor.
“Hey,”Holdensaidback.Heshovedhishandsinthispockets,unsurewhattodonext.
Ethan leaned his ass back against his car and crossed his arms over his broad chest. He looked

uncertain and also a little nervous. Holden could have done the mature thing and said something to
breakthetensionstretchedbetweenthem,buthedidn’t.Ethanwastheonewhoranaway,nothim,soif
Ethanhadsomethingtosayheneededtodoitonhisown.

“IsitokaythatI’mhere?”Ethanasked.“IknowIshouldhavecalledfirst.Youmighthaveplans

thatI’minterrupting.”

“No, no plans.” Holden took a small step forward. His eyes roamed up and over Ethan’s body.

EthanworeawhiteT-shirtwithalightV-neckandfadedbluejeans.Thematerialforbothlookedsoft,
andthedenimandcottonhuggedEthan’sleanfitbodytoaT.ThewhiteoftheshirtmadeEthan’sskin

glowadarkshade,likehoneythatHoldenwantedtolickoffofEthan’sbody.

Holden’scocktwitchedwiththewayhisthoughtswereheading.Hecouldn’thelpit.Eversincehe

kissedEthan,hecouldn’tgetthemanoutofhismindorhissystem.Holdenwassoclosetocavingand
beggingEthantomakelovetohimagain,tolovehimwitheveryounceofhissoul,butHoldenwasn’ta
glutton for punishment either. And he didn’t want to pressure Ethan into something he either wasn’t
readyforordidn’twant.Holdenwasagoodmanandhedeservedtobeloved,andhewouldn’tsettle
forsecondbest,notevenforEthan.

“Wait.Itakethatback.”Holdenrockedbackandforthontheballsofhisfeet.“Iampickingmy

nephewupfromschoolthisafternoonandtakinghimforanearlydinner.”

“Oh,Isee.”Ethanstoodupstraightandopenedhiscardoasiftoleave.“Thenmaybewecantalk

anothertime.”

“Ethan,wait!”Holdenreachedoutandgrabbedaholdofthedoor.“It’sliketeninthemorning.

Carsondoesn’tgetoutofschooluntil3:30.I’vegotplentyoftimeifyouwanttotalk.”

EthanlookedfromhiscarthenbacktoHolden.Hegavehimastiffnodandshutthedoor.Holden

turnedaroundandledthewayuptohishouse.

“Thisisaniceplace,”Ethansaidfrombehindhim.
“Thanks.” Holden glanced over his home. It was a single-story two-bedroom house with a

wraparoundporch.Itwasn’tmuch,buthedidn’tneedmuch.Helikedthingstobesimpleandhehad
Jensendesignhishomeforhiscomfort.Holdenlikedalotofnaturallight,soJensenhaddrawnupthe
planstohavewindowsoneveryouterwall.He’dhadthehousepaintedwhitewithdarkgreenaccents
forthetrim.Theinsideofhishousewasmoreofthesame.Thewoodenfloorsthatranthroughoutthe
housewerealightgoldencolor,thewallswerepaintedasoftwhite,andtherewasplushbeigefurniture.
ItwashisdreamhomeandnowhewasdyingtoknowwhatEthanthoughtofit.Wasitaplacehecould
seehimselfliving?

“Here, have a seat.” Holden pulled out a chair for Ethan. “Would you like something to drink?

Coffee,water,tea?”

“Waterwouldbegreat.”
Holden grabbed a bottle from the fridge and handed to Ethan. Ethan opened the lid and took a

drink and Holden sat quietly, watching his mate. When Ethan still made no attempt to say anything,
Holdencracked.

“Whyareyouhere,Ethan?”
“I came to apologize for my behavior the other night.” Holden figured as much. “You didn’t do

anythingwrongandIfeelawfulforrunningawaylikeIdid.”Ethansnorted.“I’mstartingtosoundlike
abrokenrecord,alwayshavingtoapologizeformybehavior.”

“Yeah, you are.” Holden leaned back in his chair. “Would you care to explain to me what

happened?WasitsomethingIdid?”

Ethan traced a pattern on the table with his finger, not looking up at Holden when he spoke. “It

waswhatyousaid.”EthanlookedupatHolden,hiseyesturningredfromunshedtears.“Youcalledme
yourmateandIpanicked.”

“Why?”HoldenhadtofisthishandstokeepfromreachingouttotouchEthan.Hewantedtotake

his mate’s pain away but he needed to know what exactly his pain was. If he touched Ethan and he
wasn’treadyforit,hemightboltforthedoor.

“RememberwhenyouaskedmewhyIdidthosethingstoJensenandJoshwhenIfirstmetthem?”

Holden nodded. “And I said it was because I lost someone.” Holden nodded again, clinging to every
wordEthansaid.

“Who did you lose?” Holden’s voice cracked as he asked. He had a bad feeling about what the

nextwordsweregoingtobecomingoutofEthan’smouth.

“The man I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with.” Ethan’s voice had grown

hoarseandthedamonhistearsbroke.“HisnamewasJay.Hewasmyeverything.”

Holden couldn’t move. A part of him was riddled with jealousy over a faceless man he’d never

met,butanotherpieceofhimwantedtowrapEthaninhisarmsandpromisetofindthisJayandbring
himbackjustsoEthanwouldbehappyagain.Thepaintohisownheartbedamned.Hecouldn’tstand
towatchEthansuffer.

“Can you tell me what happened to him?” Holden reached out his hand and rested it on top of

Ethan’s.

“Hewasmurdered.”AloudlaugheruptedfromEthan’smouthandshockedHolden.Itwasn’ta

joyoussound,butonelacedwithpainandsorrow.“Thefuckerwhorobbedhimthoughtroughinghim
upwasn’tgoodenough,soheshotJayinthehead.Helefthimaloneandbleedingonthedirtyconcrete
likeJaywasnothingmorethanapieceofgarbage.”Ethan’svoicecrackedandtearsfellfreelyfromhis
eyesandhisnosebegantorun.“Istillcan’tunderstandhowonehumanbeingcoulddothattoanother.
Itdoesn’tmakeanysense.”EthanpulledhishandawayfromHolden’sandbroughtthemuptocradle
hisface.

TheothernightEthanhadtoldHoldenhelostsomeonebuthehadn’tsaiditwasduetodeathor,in

Jay’scase,murder.

WhatthefuckamIgoingtodo?Holdenranahanddownhisface.ItwasobviousthatEthanhad

beenmadlyinlovewithJay.HowcouldHoldenevercompetewiththat?Notthathehadto,butlosinga
lovedonetoaviolentdeathwassomethingHoldenhadfirsthandknowledgeof.Hisfatherhadhissister
murderedandHoldenknewnoonecouldeverreplaceherinhisheart.Hemissedhereverydayandshe
wasonlyhissister.HoldencouldonlyimagineifitwereEthanthathehadlost.Thatwasathoughthe
didn’twanttodwellon.

“Thenwhenyousaidweweremates.”Ethanwipedahandoverhiseyes,smearinghistearsacross

hischeek.“Icouldn’thelpbutthink,whatifIlostyou,too?Justthemerethoughtnearlybroughtmeto
myknees.Iwantedtoripmyheartoutofmychest.”Ethanslammedhisfistagainsthisheart.“Theway
I feel about you, and if something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to survive that. Do you
understandthat,Holden?I’dratherdiethanlivewithoutyou,”EthanwhisperedsolowHoldencould
barelyhearitoverthesoundofhispulsepoundinginhisears.“I’mfallinginlovewithyou.Nomatter
howhardItrytodenyit,andtrustme,Ihave.IneverthoughtIcouldfeelthiswayaboutanotherperson
again,buthereIam.”Ethanheldhisarmsouttotheside.“Fallingheadoverassinlessthanthreedays.
MaybeIamjustplumcrazy.”Heswipedahandunderhislefteyesohardheslappedtheskin.“Then
there’sthisguiltIfeelinside.”Heclutchedathischest.“AsifI’mbetrayingJaybylovingyou.”

He’s in love with me. Holden’s eyes began to water. Ethan admitting he loved him was half the

battle.Hewasn’tsurehowtohelphismateovercomehisfearoflosinghim,butHoldenwouldfinda
way.Hehadto.

“Ifyou’recrazythensoamI.”HoldengotupfromhisseatandwenttokneelinfrontofEthan.“I

knewthemomentImetyouthatyouweremine.”Holdensmiled.“Icouldseemyforeverinyoureyes.
Don’t let what happened in your past spoil what could be our future together.” Holden took a deep
breath,tryingtosteadyhistremblinghands.“IknowIcanneverreplaceJayandyoushouldn’tfeelbad
about moving on. I’m not asking you to forget your life you shared with him, but do you think there
mightberoominyourheartforme?”HoldenheldhisbreathwhilehewaitedforEthantoanswer.He
couldseehismatestrugglingwithhisanswer.

“Holden.” Ethan shook his head from side to side. “I want to let you in but I’m so terrified of

losing someone else I love. I’m not lying when I say my heart can’t go through that again. I’m not
strongenough.”

“Baby.”HoldencuppedhishandsoneithersideofEthan’sface.“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”
“Jaythoughtthesamethingbutlookwhathappenedtohim.”
“Ethan,Ican’tpromisenothingbadwilleverhappen,justlikeyoucan’tpromisemethatnothing

willeverhappentoyou.”HoldenstrokedhisthumbunderEthan’seye,wipingawaytherunawaytear.
“Life’s a gamble. Every day is a new adventure to be had. If we’re afraid to live then we’ll never
experience all the good things that are right in front of us, just waiting for us to grab onto.” Holden
cameuponhiskneesandbrushedagentlekissoverEthan’slips.“Baby,youcan’tlockyourselfaway
in a self-imposed prison because you’ll be taking away my chance of happiness. Please don’t punish
me.”

Ethan leaned forward and rested his forehead against Holden’s, his eyes clenched tight. “I’m so

afraid,Holden.”

“Don’tbe.”HoldenpulledbacktoplaceakissoneachofEthan’sclosedeyelids.“I’mrighthere

andI’mnotgoinganywhere.”

A renewed set of tears dripped from Ethan’s swollen eyes. Ethan fell to his knees, sending his

chairslidingacrossthefloor,andwrappedhisarmsaroundHolden’swaist,squeezinghimtight.“Iwant
sodesperatelytobelievethat.”EthansobbedintoHolden’sshoulder.

“Then do. Believe in me. Believe in us.” Holden ran his hands up and down Ethan’s back. He

couldfeelhismate’sbodyshakeashecried.

Ethan pulled back from Holden’s hold. He stared into Holden’s eyes and nodded his head, then

rushed forward and covered Holden’s mouth with his own, kissing the very breath from his lungs.
HoldenwoundhisarmsaroundEthan’sneckandlethismatetakecontrol.Ethanreachedunderthehem
ofHolden’sshirt,curledhisfingers,andscrapedthemdownHolden’sback,nodoubtleavingthinred
lines in their wake, but Holden didn’t care. Ethan was running on pure emotion and Holden wanted
Ethantoclaimhimbodyandsoul.Tomakelovetohimandknowitwasforreal.

Holden opened his mouth wider to accommodate Ethan’s probing tongue. He ran his fingers

throughEthan’shair,holdinghimclose.HecouldfeeltheheatcomingoffofEthanandhewantedto
sinkintohisbody.

EthansatbackandyankedHolden’sshirtoverhisheadandthrewittotheside.Holdenputahand

toEthan’schestashestartedtoleanbacktowardhim.HoldenreachedforthebottomofEthan’sshirt
and lifted it up his body and over his head. He then leaned forward and kissed along Ethan’s neck,
workinghiswaydowntothecenterofEthan’schest,andrubbedhischeekalongtheheatedfleshover
Ethan’sheart.

“I love you so much, Ethan.” Holden knew without a doubt he was a goner where Ethan was

concerned.He’dlovethismanuntilthedayhediedandnevercraveanother’stouch.Holdensatupand
metEthan’seyes.

Ethan’s breath came out in heavy gasps. His eyes dropped to Holden’s lips and Holden moved

forward,closingthedistancebetweenthem.Thekissstartedoutslowandgentlebutquicklymovedto
hardandrough,andtheybothpawedateachother’sbarechest.

Holden went for the button on Ethan’s jeans and popped it free, then lowered the zipper. He

shovedhishandsinthebackofEthan’spants,pushingthemandhisbriefsdownashegraspedontothe
hardmusclesofEthan’sass.Ethan’scockwasfreedandhepresseditagainstHolden’scoveredlength,
grindingthemtogether.

It wasn’t long before Ethan had Holden’s shorts unfastened and pulled off his body. They lay

naked on his kitchen floor impatiently kissing each other. With each nip and scrap of Ethan’s teeth
against the sensitive tissue of his lips, Holden moaned louder and louder. He lifted his legs to wrap
aroundEthan’ships.TheheadofEthan’scockgrazedtheskinrightunderneathhisballs,smearingthe
stickypre-cumthatleakedoutthetipofEthan’scock.

Ethan thrust his hips forward, applying light pressure to Holden’s back entrance. Holden arched

intoEthan’stouchandfelttheslightquiveringofhispuckeredentrance.

Holdenknewheshouldsuggesttheygotohisbedroom,buthedidn’twanttobreakthemomentto

tell Ethan to stop. As if reading his mind, Ethan shimmed down Holden’s body and pushed Holden’s
legsuptohischest.Holdenbenthiskneesandheldthemtighttowardhisbody.

Ethan kissed his way down the back of Holden’s left thigh until Holden could feel his breath

caresshisskin.Ethandidn’twasteanytime.HelickedouthistongueandranitupanddownHolden’s
crack, paying special attention to his tight hole. Holden moaned and tightened his hold on his legs.
SparksshotfromhisballsallthewayupanddownhisbodyuntilHoldenthoughthewasgoingtocome
withoutevenbeingpenetrated.

Ethansuckedandslurpedathisholeafewmoreminutes,pressinghistonguedeepinsideHolden.

Nothinghadeverfeltsogoodbefore.Holdenhadexperiencedrimjobsbefore,butnothinglikewhat
Ethanwasdoingtohim.Hissmoothtonguecaressedandteasedhisrippledopening,leavingHoldena
crying,beggingmess.

“Ethan,please,”Holdenpanted,hiseyessqueezedtightashedidhisbesttoholdoffhisorgasm.
As Ethan moved up his body, Holden let his thighs fall open, making room for Ethan. Ethan

hovered over Holden, resting his weight on his elbows on either side of Holden’s head. He held
Holden’sstareasheworkedhishipsforwarduntilhiscockbrokethroughHolden’swethole,slidingto
thehiltinoneslowthrust.Holden’sbodyopenedforEthan,welcominghimhome.

Theymovedasoneinanice,slowrhythm,kissingeachotherpassionately.Holdenranhishands

downEthan’sbackandgrippedhisasscheeksineachhand,urginghimforward.Thefirebrewinginhis
ballsroaredoutofcontrol.HeneededEthanhardandfastandnow.

“Harder,”Holdenpleaded.
Ethan pumped his hips faster. Their sweat-covered bodies smacked together so hard, the sound

echoinginthekitchen.

Holden’scockgrewharder.ItrubbedagainstthehardmusclesofEthan’sstomach.Thewashboard

abswerelikeacaressoffingerslightlyoverhislength,beckoninghimclosertohisrelease.Thebroad
tipofEthan’spenisbrushedagainstHolden’ssweetspot,makinghimseestarsasheclenchedhiseyes
tightlytogether.ItonlytookthreemorehardstabsofEthan’scockpummelingintoHoldenforhimto
comeinaloudshout.Hotcumrushedouthisswollentip,splashingbetweentheirbodies.Hischannel
outofreflexgrabbedontoEthan’sretreatingcock,tryingtokeephimdeepinsideHolden’sbody.

Ethanrearedback,thencameforwardsohardHoldenfeltlikehewasgoingtoripinhalf.Ethan

buried his face into Holden’s neck and screamed out his release. Hot spurts of cum filled Holden’s
stretchedhole,causinganothersmallorgasmtobewrungfromhisballs.Hisbodyjerkedandhegasped
tocatchhisbreath.

“Iloveyou,too,”EthanwhisperedintoHolden’sneck.“Iwanttobewithyou.”
Holdensmiledsowidehethoughthisfacewouldcrack.Itwasn’tproofthatallofEthan’sfears

hadbeenchasedaway,butitwasastart.TheycouldbuildfromthispointonandhecouldshowEthan
thatwhattheysharedwasworthalltherisksinvolved.

ChapterTen

Aftertheymadeloveinthekitchen,theypeeledthemselvesupoffthefloorandwenttoHolden’s

bedroom. They lounged around holding each other and kissing until they fell asleep. Around 12:30,
Holden’sgrowlingstomachwokehimupandhewentintothekitchentomakesandwiches,thencarried
thembackintohisroom.

Whiletheyate,EthantoldhimmoreaboutJay,howtheymet,howheproposed.Jaysoundedlike

a good man who was deserving of Ethan’s love and affection. They had four happy years together
beforeJayhadbeenmurdered.ThesubjectwasstillhardforEthantotalkabout,butitseemedlikeit
wasgettingeasierforhimtoopenuptoHolden.

“DoyoureallythinkJaywouldbehappyforme?”Ethanaskedashestareddownathishalf-eaten

sandwich.

HoldencouldseethesadnessinEthan’seyes,andthatwastobesuspected.Itwassurvivor’sguilt.

He had felt the same after his sister’s death and that was the main reason he sought out Carson and
Noah.Beingaroundlovedoneshelpedeasethepainofbeinghappythathehadsurvived.

“Granted, I didn’t know Jay.” Holden scooted closer to Ethan and wrapped his arm around his

lover’swaist.“Buthesoundedlikeareallygreatguy.Ithinkhe’dwantyoutobehappyandfindlove
again.”

“That’swhatIkeeptryingtoconvincemyselfofbutit’sjustreallyhard.”Asoftsobcamefrom

EthanjustbeforeheturnedintoHolden’sembrace.“Ithoughtwe’dbetogetherforever,thenhedied.”
EthanlookedupintoHolden’seyes.“ThenImeetyouandIfeelguiltforfallinginlovewithyouand
guiltforfeelingbadaboutit.YoudeservetobelovedwithallmyheartandIfeellikeI’monlygiving
youhalfofit.”

“Ah,baby.”HoldenbrushedhislipsoverEthan’s.“Here’sthethingabouttheheart.Itallowsusto

feel great joy and gut-wrenching sadness.” Holden held up a finger. “But it also allows us to love as
much and as often as possible.” Holden rested his palm on Ethan’s chest. “Love is what makes us
human.NeverfeelbadaboutcaringforJay.IcountmyselfluckytobelovedbyyouandIthinkJayfelt
thesameway.Don’ttrytoforgetyourpast.It’swhatmakesyou,you,andIloveyou.”

“Youmakeitsoundsoeasy.”Ethanchuckled.
“Itis.Lovingisneverabademotion.AndIthinkthemorepeoplewecareforandlove,thebetter

individualswebecome.”

Holden wouldn’t begrudge Jay for the love Ethan still had for him. Jay was his first love and

Holden would never wish that away from Ethan. Holden understood that if Jay had never died, he
wouldn’t have met Ethan, but no matter what he wouldn’t have wished another person’s death. If
Holden never met Ethan then he never would have known what he was missing. But life was full of
twistandturnsandHoldenwasgratefulforthepowersthatbethatbroughtEthanintohislife.Holden
wouldspendtherestofhistryingtohelphealhismate.HealhimfromthelossofJayandhisfearof
lovingothers.

“Wegood?”HoldenaskedEthan.
EthangnawedonhislowerlipasifthinkingaboutwhatHoldenhadsaid.Thenwithaswiftnod

hesmiledatHolden.“NotcompletelybutIthinkI’mgettingthere.”

“Awesome.”Holdenrolledoffthebed.“Weneedtogetreadytogo.”
“Rightnow?”Ethanwhined.
Holdenlaughedashismatecoveredhisfacewithapillow.

“Yes, we do.” Holden tossed the blankets off his legs and stood up. “We need at least thirty

minutestogettoSilverCreektopickCarsonup.”HoldenbentoverandkissedEthan’supturnedlips.

“Butit’sonly2:15,”Ethanpointedout.
“Yeah, I know.” Holden walked toward the door that led to his bathroom. “But I thought you

mightliketoshowerbeforeweleft.”Hewiggledhiseyebrowsupanddownsuggestively.

That had Ethan throwing the covers off his legs and jumping from the bed. Holden laughed as

Ethanchasedhimintothebathroom.EthanwrappedhisarmslowonHolden’swaist,lettinghishands
restonthetopcurveofHolden’sass.

“Ican’tbelieveIalmostwalkedawayfromyou.”Ethan’ssmilefellfromhisface.
“Well,” Holden said in a teasing tone, trying to get Ethan to smile again. A dressed Ethan was

goodfornoone.“IneversaidyouwerethesmartestmanIevermet.Yes,Iloveyou,butyou’rejusta
littleslowsometimes.”

“Ohyeah?”Ethangrinned.
“Totally.”Holdensighedloudlyandrolledhiseyesupward.“ButIthinkyou’reworthit.”
“Iknowyou’reworthit.”Ethantiltedhisheadtothesideandcameinforakiss.
Holdengroanedintohismouthashiscockstartedtofill.Iftheykeptthisup,they’dnevergetto

SilverCreekintimetopickupCarson.

TheymadeittoSilverCreekineighteenminutes.Ethandroveandpromisedhe’dgetthemthere

ontime.TheirshowerranlongerthanHoldenhadanticipated.Onekissleadtofondlingandthatledto
himdownonhiskneessuckingEthanoffwhilejerkinghisowncocktocompletion.

“Justpullaroundtothiscircledrive.”HoldenpointedtowhereEthanneededtogetinlinebehind

theothercarswaitingtopickupkids.

“It’slikeanassemblyline,”Ethansaidasheparkedbehindaminivan.“Youpullupandtheygive

youakid.”

“Well,onlyyourkid,notjustsomerandomstudent.”
“Really?” Ethan looked shocked. “You mean I can’t just pull up and order the perfect kid I’ve

alwayswantedlikeatadrivethrough?”Ethanstartedtolaugh.

“Uh,no.”Holdenpushedhissunglassesuponhisforehead.“Doyoueverthinkabouthavingkids

oneday,Ethan?”

“Notreally.”Ethanshrugged.
“Oh.” Holden nibbled on his lower lips, uncertain how to say the words chomping at the bit to

spurtfromhismouth.

“What?”Ethanasked.
“Nothing, it’s just that I always thought someday I’d have kids of my own.” He pulled his

sunglassesdownbackoverhiseyes,tryingtohidethedisappointmentheknewwasthere.

“Holden,lookatme.”HoldenturnedtowardEthanbutlefthisglasseson.Ethanrolledhiseyes

and pushed the sunglasses up onto Holden’s forehead. “Holden, yes I never thought kids were in my
future and up until a few hours ago I also thought falling in love wasn’t a possibility, but look at me
now.I’mnotsayingnotokids,butlet’sgiveitsometime.Gettoknowoneanotherbetter,thanwecan
explorethedecisiontohavechildren.Okay?”

“Okay.”Itwasn’tanoandthatwasallHoldencouldhopeforrightnow.HeunderstoodEthanhad

somemorehealingtodo,buthealsoknewEthanhadalotoflovetogiveandonedaywouldmakea
greatdad.

Thebellrangandkidsfiledoutthedoubledoors,theteachersusheringthemintolinestowaitfor

their parents to pull up. Holden rolled his window down so Carson could see him, since he wasn’t

drivinghistruck.IfCarsondidn’tseehimheknewthathisnephewwouldbeabletoscenthim.Another
plustobeingawolfshifter.

“UncleHolden!”Carsonwalkedtowardthecar,ahugesmileonhisyoungface.
“Hey, buddy.” Holden hopped out of the car and opened the back door for Carson. One of the

teacherscalledoutahellotohimandHoldenwavedinreturn.NoahandSkylermadesuretheschool
knew who Holden was and that he was always welcome to visit Carson whenever he wanted. It also
helpedthathewasafirefighteranddidyearlyassembliesattheschool.

“Carson,youremembermeetingEthantheothernight?”HoldenturnedaroundinhisseatasEthan

pulledoutofthecircledriveoftheschool.

“Yeah.Hey,Ethan.”CarsonsmiledupatEthan.
“Helloagain,youngsir.”Ethanbroughthishandtohisforeheadasifheweretippingahat.
“Ilikehim.”Carsonlaughed.“Sowherewegoingtoeat?I’mstarving.”

****

After leaving the school, Holden gave Ethan directions to the Early Bean Café. It was still too

earlyfordinnerbutHoldenpromisedCarsonthey’dgethimasnack.

Ethan hadn’t talked much with Carson the other night but he thought he kid seemed pretty

intelligent.Hehadneverbeenaroundkidsalotbeforeandhadtoimaginenotmanyofthemwereas
well-spoken as Carson. He didn’t whine or complain. Carson talked about his day and was very
enthusiasticaboutabookhewasreading.Thekidwasonlyinthefifthgradebutreadataneighth-grade
level.WithEthanbeingawriterandhisloveofbooks,hefoundthatquiteimpressive.

Ethan pulled into a parking spot right in front of the building and they all got out. The building

nexttoitappearedtobeunderconstructionandhesawawhitetruckwiththeCarstenandSonslogoon
it.HoldenexplainedthatDamon,oneofthemembersoftheNehalempack,wasrenovatingthatsideof
thebuildingtoexpandthecafé.

“Margie is the owner of the Early Bean. She’s wanting to retire so she sold the shop and the

buildingnextdoortoShaneandDamon.They’regoingtorunittogether.”

Carsonwalkedaheadofthemandthebellrangoverheadastheysteppedthroughthedoor.Itwasa

quaintlittlecaféandEthanthoughtthecoffeewasdelicious.Carsonsatatthecounterandateacookie
anddrankastrawberrysmoothie.EthanandHoldensatoneithersideofhimandchattedwithShane.

“Iswear,youarealwayshungry.”Holdenshookhisheadathisnephew.
“I can’t help it.” Carson took another bite of his cookie and smiled as Shane put another one in

frontofhim.

“Heisagrowingboy,”Ethanoffered.CarsonsmiledupathimandEthancouldn’thelpreaching

outtorufflethekid’shair.HelookedsomuchlikeHolden.Thebigblueeyesanddarkbrownhairwere
a carbon copy of Holden’s. Ethan wouldn’t mind having a little boy or girl that looked like Holden
runningaround.Maybetheideaofchildrenwasn’tasscaryashehadoriginallythought.

“Sowhereareyouallgoingtoeatattonight?”Shaneaskedashewipeddownthecountertop.
“IwasthinkingthesteakhouseoveroffofCrescentStreet,”Holdenanswered.“Thisgrowingboy

needssomeredmeat.”Holdenpattedhisstomach.

“Wait!”EthanreachedoverCarson’sheadtograbHolden’sshoulder.“I’mavegetarian.”
“Youcan’tbeserious?”Holdensputtered.Hehadjusttakenadrinkofhiscoffeeandhestartedto

chokeonit.

CarsonstaredwideeyedupathimandEthanwinkedinresponse.

“Yep, only veggies and tofu for this guy.” Ethan found it hard to keep a straight face. Holden

staredathim,hisAdam’sapplebobbingasheswalloweddeeply.“Ihopethatwon’tbeaproblem?”he
asked innocently. It had been ages since he’d been able to joke around with a lover and Ethan was
havingfunmessingwithHolden.

“Well…Uh…” Holden motioned with his hands as if trying to find a way around the revelation

Ethanjustdropped.Hisbrowwaspinchedandhislipswerepressedtightlytogether.

“I’mmessingwithyou.Jeez.”Ethantookadrinkofhiscoffee,smilingovertherimatHolden.
Holdenblewoutabreath.Hisshouldersrelaxedandhesathunchedoverinhisseat.
“Thatwasagoodone,Ethan.”CarsonlaughedasheheldouthishandforEthantosmackit.“You

totallyhadhimgoingthere.Didyouseehisface?”

“Veryfunny.”HoldenlookedoutthecornerofhiseyeatEthanthentookadrinkfromhismug.“I

wasstartingtoworryusbeingmateswasn’tgoingtoworkoutifyoudidn’teatmeat.”

“Waitaminute!”Carsonslammedhishandsdownonthecounter.“You’remates?Howcomeyou

didn’ttellmetheothernight?”

“Congratulations,boys.”ShaneputhishandouttoshakeEthan’s,thenHolden’s.“That’sawesome

news.Doeseveryoneelseknowyet?”

HoldenansweredShanewhileEthansatquietlyandlistened,smilingthewholetime.Itfeltgood

tobetheotherpartofacoupleagain.ThefearstillclungintheshadowsbutHoldenandJensenwere
bothright.Thewayhe’dbeinggoingabouthislifewasn’tliving.He’dbeengiventhisopportunitytobe
happyagainandneededtograbontoitwithbothhandsandnotletgo.

“Soyou’relikemyunclenow,too,huh,Ethan?”Carsonspunthehighbarstoolhewassittingon

aroundtofacehim.

EthansatbackandlookedoutoverCarson’shead.Hehadn’tthoughtofthat.Heguessedhewas.

EthancouldfeelHolden’sandShane’seyesonhim,holdingtheirbreath,waitingforhimtoanswerthe
littleboy.

“Youknowwhat,Carson?”Ethanleaneddownuntilhewaseyelevelwithhim.“Iguessitkindof

does.Isthatokaywithyou?”

Carsonmadeashowofchewingonthesideofhischeekasifhewerereallycontemplatingitthen

finally smiled. “Yeah, I think it is. It looks like you make my uncle happy and that’s all that really
matters.”Caronshrugged.“Andapersoncanneverhavetoomanyfamilymembers,soI’dbehonored
tohaveyouforanuncle.”

Ethandidn’tknowwhattosay.OnceagainhethoughtCarsonseemedwiserbeyondhistenyears.

AshelookedintoCarson’sbigblueeyes,Ethanfeltalumpdevelopinginhisthroat.He’donlyeverhad
hismotherandfatherandnowhehadawholeslewoffriendsandfamilymembers.Itallseemedtoo
goodtobetrue.

HoldensavedhimfromhavingtosayanythingbysuggestingtheytakeCarsontothebookstore.

Theysaidgood-byetoShaneandheadedoutthedoor.

Theweatherwasstillniceandtheydecidedtowalk.ThesunbeamingdownonEthan’sheadkept

him warm against the slight chill in the spring breeze. As they walked, Carson was going on about a
bookhe wanted toread. Something abouta maze and arunner. It soundedinteresting and he thought
theyjustmighthavetobuytwo.

“Hey,Carson,didyouknowthatEthan’sawriter?”Holdenpulledopenthedoortothebookstore.
“Nofreakingway!”Carsongapedupathim.“HaveyouwrittenanythingImighthaveread?”The

eagerlookinhiseyesalmosthadEthanwishinghewrotesomesortofyoungadultnovels,butheliked
toaddtoomuchromanceandpassionbetweenhischaracters.

“No.Iwriteadultromancenovels.”CarsonopenedhismouthtosaysomethingandEthanhelda

hand up. “And don’t even ask if you can read one. Too much adult content for young minds to be
reading.”HetappedhisfingeronthetipofCaron’snose.

“Fine,butwhenIgetoldenoughI’mreadingthem,”Carsonpromised,thentookoffrunningoff

towardthesectionforteens.

“Youknow.”HoldenputhisarmoverEthan’sshoulders.“IthinkIshouldgetoneofyourbooks.

Maybeevenhaveyousignitforme.”Holdensmackedhimonthebuttashewalkedpasthim.

“Anythingyouwant,mylove,anythingyouwant.”EthanshookhisheadashefollowedHolden

downtheaisle.

Holden walked slowly. His hips had a little sway to them as he moved. His tan-colored cargo

shorts were a little baggy and hung low on his hips, but Ethan could make out the shape of his hard,
tightassunderthematerial.Ethantookadeepbreath,tryingtogethiscockundercontrolasitstartedto
stir in his jeans. He reached down to arrange his thick shaft and took a few calming breaths. Holden
glanced over his shoulder, giving Ethan a knowing look as his eyes drifted down his body. He then
winked at Ethan and mouthed later to him. Ethan smiled and he couldn’t wait to get his lover alone
again.

As they looked at books and picked a few out, Ethan couldn’t help but think he was one of the

luckiestpeopleonthefaceoftheplanet.Afterallthebadshithehadsufferedthrough,hewasfinally
catchingabreak.

ChapterEleven

Afterleavingthebookstore,theywentbacktopickupEthan’scar,thenheadedtotherestaurant.

Thehostesssatthematatableinthebackandlaidtheirmenusoutinfrontofthem.

“Hey, I’m going to step outside and give Noah a call.” Holden stood up. “If the waitress comes

around,canyouordermeanicedtea?”

“Youbet.”EthansmiledatHolden,thenmadeashooingmotionandthemantookoff.“Sowhat’s

goodhere,Carson?”

“Ilovetheirfiletmignon,rare.It’sthebest.”Carsonmadeashowofsmackinghislipstogether.

“Butreallyalltheirsteaksaregood.”

Ethanlookedoverthemenutryingtodecidejusthowhungryhewas.Didhewantabigsteakora

smallone?

“Ohno,”Carsonmuttered.
EthanputhismenudowntoseeCarsonslouchinginhischair.HelookedinthedirectionCarson

wasstaringtoseethekidfromtheothermorningthathadjumpedthefence,Ryan.

“What’sthematter,Carson?”EthanrememberedRyansayingthatheandCarsonweren’tfriends

and he said it with a scowl on his face. For the life of him he couldn’t imagine someone not liking
Carson.Thekidwassweetandkindandhelovedtoread.AperfecttrifectainEthan’sopinion.

“Haveyoueverlikedsomeonewhodidn’tlikeyouback?”Carsonlookedupathim,stillsliding

furtherdowninhischair.

Ethannoddedhishead.Itseemedalittleclearernow.RyanwasolderthanCarsonandprobably

didn’tliketohavetheyoungerboyhangingaround.Itmadesense.Kidswerelikethat.

“Sure,that’sjustpartoflife,kiddo.”Ethanpattedhisshoulder.“Butkeepinmindifthatperson

youlikeandwanttobefriendswithisn’tnicetoyouthendon’twasteyourtimeonthem.”

“That’swhatmydadsanduncleHoldensaybut…”Carsonrubbedhishandoverhisforehead.
“Butwhat?”Ethanputhismenudownandloweredhishead,givingCarsontheoptiontowhisper

hisresponse.

“Let’ssaythere’sthisguyandhe’striedandtriedtobefriendswiththisotherguy,butthatguyis

alwaysrudetohim.Heignoreshimandgoesoutofhiswaytonotbearoundhim.Butthisotherguy,he
justcan’tseemtostayaway.Thehardertheotherguypushes,theharderhetriestobefriendswiththe
jerk.”CarsonmetEthan’sstare.“Thenwhatisapersontodo?”

EthanthoughtaboutwhatCarsonhadsaid.Haditcomefromsomeonealittleolder,he’dthinkthe

oneguyhadacrushontheother,butthatcouldn’tbethecasehere.Carsonwastooyoungand,Ethan
hadtoimagine,didn’tthinkofthosesortsofthingsyet.Inhisopinion,Carsonseemedlikeoneofthose
raresoulsthatfelttheneedtobefriendswitheveryonenomatterwhat.Hehadagoodheartandwanted
everyonetofeelincluded.ThathadtobethecasewithRyan.Caronprobablywasn’tusedtosomeone
not liking him and it baffled him to the point of obsession. It pissed Ethan off that Ryan would put
Carsonthroughthat.Teenagerscouldberealassholesattimes,orsohethought.Herememberedbeing
akidandhewasn’talwaysthenicestoneontheplayground.

“Yousayscrewitandmoveon.”Ethanmadeawavinggesturewithhishand.“Somepeopleare

worthyourtimeandsomearen’t.Rememberthat,Carson.Iknowit’seasiersaidthandone,butdon’tlet
someoneelsedragyoudownandmakeyoufeellikeyou’relessthanwhatyoutrulyare.”

Carsonsatthereforamomentthennoddedhishead.“You’reright.Screwit.”
“Excuseme?”HoldenhadjustcomebacktothetableandlookedbetweenCarsonandEthan.

“Oh,it’snothing.”EthanlookeddownatCarsonandwinked.
“Okay.”Holdensatdown.
“Holden,Ithoughtthatwasyou.”Amanwithshortbrownhaircamewalkingover.Alittleblond-

hairedboyfollowedbehindhim.

IttookEthanamomenttoremembertheirnames.
“Hey,Caleb.”Holdenstooduptogreettheman.“How’sitgoing,Kamden?Youguysjustsitting

downtoeat?Youshouldjoinus.”

“No,wejustfinishedup.SethandRyanareusingtherestroom,thenwe’reheadingout.”Caleb

turnedhisattentiontoEthan.“Ethan,right?”Calebleanedacrossthetabletoshakehishand.

“Yes,niceseeingyouagain.”HestoodandtookCaleb’shand.
Justthen,Caleb’sboyfriend,Seth,andRyancametostandbesideCaleb.Ethansaidhello.
“Thespecialtonightwasoutstanding.”Sethrubbedahandoverhisstomach.“Aporterhousewith

thelargestbakedpotatoI’veeverseen.”

Holden and Ethan talked to Seth and Caleb for a few minutes. Ryan stood leaning against the

chair,aboredlookonhisface.Outofthecornerofhiseye,hecouldseeCarsonandKamdentalking.
HenoticedthatCarsonkeptshootingglancestowardRyanbutRyanneversaidanything.Theonlytime
RyanlookedinCarson’sdirectionwastoshoothimadirtylook.Ethanwasstartingtowishhehadn’t
helpedthelittlepunkouttheotherdaywhenhemissedthebus.

“Wellwebettergetgoing.”CalebwavedforKamdentocomeovertothem.“Hey,Ryan,didyou

sayhitoCarson,Holden,andEthan?”

“Nope.”Ryanstoodupandstartedtowalkaway.
“Iswearyouneedtowriteachild’sbookaboutakidwhogetshisasshandedtohimforbeinga

bully,”CalebsaidtoSeth.

“Yeah, babe, I can’t write about violence against kids. My agent would drop me and I’d have a

whole lot of angry parents after my butt.” Seth placed one of his large hands on the back of Caleb’s
neck.

“You’reawriter?”Ethanasked.“SoamI.”
“Yeah,Jensentoldusthat.”Sethsmiled.“Iwritechildren’sbooks,sonotthesamegenreasyou.”
EthanstoodtheretalkingtoSethforafewminutesmore.He’dheardoftheseriesSethwrote,The

WondrousWolf,andthoughtitwasextremelyfunnythatawolfshifteractuallywrotethosebooks.Ifthe
worldonlyknew.

“Canwego?”Ryanstormedoverandinterrupted.“I’vegothomeworktodo.”
“Hey, watch the attitude, mister.” Seth pointed a finger at Ryan. Ryan huffed and walked back

towardthefrontentrance.“Hormones,Itellya.Idon’trememberbeingthatbad.”

“Ofcourseyoudon’t.”Holdenchuckled.“Becauseyou’resoperfect.”Sethgrowledathim.“He’s

gettingintothoseteensyears.Everythingischangingforhim.Justgiveitsometime.Imean,youcould
alwaysbeatitoutofhim,”Holdenteased.

“AtemptingoptionbutIdon’tthinkit’dwork.”SethbentdowntopickupKamden.“Thatoneis

beyondstubborn.Well,we’llgetoutofyourhair.Enjoyyourdinner.”

Theywavedgood-byeandthewaitresscameovertotaketheirorder.Oncesheleft,Ethancaught

Holden’seye.

“You know what I said about kids?” Holden nodded. “I don’t want one like that.” He pointed

towardthedoorRyanhadjustwalkedout.“He’saterror.”

“Nokidding,butwewerealllikethatatonetimeinourlife.”Holdenshruggeditoff,completely

unawareofhowRyan’sattitudeaffectedCarson.

Theirdinnercameoutandtheyate.Carsoncheeredupandhissmilecamebacktohisface,which

made Ethan happy. He decided to talk to Holden about Carson and the way Ryan treats him. Maybe
HoldencouldhaveatalkwithCalebandSethandatleastgetRyantobepolitetoCarson.

“DoIgettostaythenighttonight?”CarsonaskedoncetheywerebackatEthan’scar.
“Nottonight,littleman.Ihavetoworktomorrow.”
“ThencanIcomebythestation?”Caronleanedforwardbetweenthetwofrontseats.“Icanhelp

washthetruckagain.”

IntheshorttimeEthanhadknownHolden,hehadneverthoughttoaskwhathedidforaliving.
“Station?”Ethanasked.
“Yeah,”Carsonsaidinacheerfulvoice.“UncleHoldenisafirefighter.”
Ohno.Ethan’sstomachrecoiledandhethoughthemightbesick.Afirefighter?Thatwasavery

dangerousjob.HowcouldHoldennothavetoldhim?Thischangedeverything.

“Ethan,youokay?”Holdenreachedoverandtouchedhisforearm.
Ethanjerkedawayandturnedtostareoutthedriver’ssidewindow.“Yeah,dinnerjustisn’tsitting

well.”Hestartedthecarandpulledoutoftheparkinglot.

HoldenkeptshootinghimquestioninglooksbutEthanignoredhim.
OntheentiredrivebacktoNehalem,allEthancouldthinkaboutwerefiresandaroofcollapsing

onHoldenorworse,Holdenbeingtrappedinabuildingandunabletogetout.Beingafirefighterwasa
selfless job. A job to be admired. But Ethan couldn’t handle the constant worry every time Holden
walkedoutthedoor.

EthandroveCarsonbackhomewheretheyweregreetedbyNoahandSkyler.Holdenthenshared

thenewsthatEthanwasgoingtogivehimachanceandallEthancoulddowasgiveanervoussmile.
He knew after learning what Holden’s profession was that he wasn’t going to be able to keep his
promise.

“Goodnight,UncleEthan.”CarsonwrappedhisarmsaroundEthan’swaistandgavehimatight

hug.

“Night,Carson.”Ethanwasbarelyabletogetoutwithhisvoicecracking.Hewasgoingtomiss

beingsomebody’suncle.

Holden said his good-byes and followed Ethan back to the car. Once again Ethan didn’t say

anything over the course of the ten minute drive from Carson’s house back to Holden’s. Ethan could
feelthetensionlaidoutbetweenthem.Itwassothickhewasfindingithardtobreath.Hepulledupin
frontofHolden’shousebutdidn’tturnoffthecar.Ifhewentinside,Holdenwouldfindawaytoget
him to change his mind and he just couldn’t do it. To sit around and watch Holden roll the dice on
whether or not he lived or died was something Ethan just couldn’t do. He knew just because Holden
wasafirefighter,itdidn’tnecessarilymeanadeathsentence,butitalsodidn’tguaranteeHoldenwould
comehomeunharmedeverytimeheleftwork.

“You’renotcomingin?”Holdenhadhishandonthedoorhandle,pushingitopen.“Ithoughtyou

weregoingtostaythenight.”

“Ineedtogethome,”EthansaidwithoutlookingupatHolden.
“Okay.”Holdenslammedthedoorsoharditrockedthecarfromsidetoside.“You’vebeenacting

weirdeversincewelefttherestaurant.Whathappened?”

Ethanshookhisheadandturnedaway.Hecouldfeelthepressureofhistearsbuildingupbehind

hiseyesanddidn’twanttocryinfrontofHolden.Hehadtobestrong.“Nothing,”hewhispered.

“Bullshit!” Holden snapped. “Remember the whole conversation we had about talking to one

another about things. This would be a good time to talk to me.” Holden reached out and grabbed

Ethan’schin,turninghimtofacehim.

EthanjerkedoutofHolden’sgripandglaredathim.Angerfilledhischest,replacingthesadness

hehadoriginallyfelt.HoldenshouldhavetoldhimimmediatelyafterlearningofEthan’sfearoflosing
thepeopleheloved.

“Whydidn’tyoutellmewhatyoudidforaliving?”
“Youdidn’taskme.”
“You’retryingtotellmethatyoudidn’tthinkmentioningthatyouareafirefighterwouldbean

importantpieceofinformationtobringup?”Ethanasked,hisvoicesteadilyrising.

“What are you saying?” Holden leaned closer to Ethan. “If you knew I was a firefighter you

wouldn’thaveagreedtobewithme?”Ethandidn’tsayanythingandHoldensaid,“Answerme!”

“No!”Ethanshouted,hischestrisingandfallingashetookonedeepbreathafteranother.“After

everythingItoldyoutoday,howcouldyouexpectmetobeokaywithyoubeingafirefighter?Yourisk
yourlifeeverydayyougotowork.”

“Ican’tbelievethis.”Holdensnorted.“IswearEthan,hereIthinkwearetakingastepforward

andyoutaketwostepsback.”Heshookhishead.“Unfuckingbelievable.”

AlongstretchofsilencedrewoutbetweenthemandEthanwassickoffighting.Hedidn’tfeellike

arguingwithHoldenanymore.HejustwantedtogetbacktoJensenandJosh’splaceandcrawlunder
thecovers.

“IthinkIshouldgo,”Ethansaidsoftly.
“That’sit?You’rejustgoingtorunawayfromthiswithouttalkingitout?”
“There’snothingtosay.”EthanlookedoveratHolden.Hishandsomefacewaspinchedinanger,

smalllinescreasedaroundhismouthfromfrowning.

“Whatdoyouwantmetosay?ThatI’dgiveupmyjobforyou?”Holdenasked.
“Wouldyou?”Ethanshouted.“KnowingthatIhavethisfearofopeningupmyheartjusttowatch

thepeopleIlovedie.Wouldyougiveupyourjobforme?”Holden’sfacewaslikeasheetofstone.He
showednosignofemotionandEthanhadhisanswer.“That’swhatIthought.Goodnight,Holden.”

“Ican’tbelievethis.”Holdengotoutofthecarandslammedthedoor.
Ethan pulled out, not bothering to watch to make sure Holden got into his house all right. His

mind was racing and his heart was breaking. For a few hours he thought he and Holden had a future
together,butnowthosedreamshadbeendashed.

ChapterTwelve

For the past three days, Ethan had avoided every call and text Holden sent him. After day two,

theystoppedalltogether.Ethanstillcaughthimselfcheckinghisphone.Itwasharderthanheexpected
to stay away from Holden. He told himself that he was better off being by himself because then he
didn’thavetobeaburdenonanotherperson.Hisfearswereprobablyconceivedaspointlesstosome,
butforEthan,theyconsumedhim.ThethoughtofhavingtoputHoldeninthecold,hardgroundhad
himwakingupatnightincoldsweats.

“Soareyoujustgoingtositaroundandmopeeverydayorwhat?”Joshfloppeddowninthechair

besidehim.

It was early afternoon on Sunday and Ethan had been sitting outside since after breakfast. He

dodgedJenseneverytimehewantedtotalkaboutwhathadhappened.Ethandidn’tfeellikerehashing
it.Hewastheselfishparty,buthecouldn’tchangethewayhefelt.

“Notnow,Josh.”
“Ohcomeon.”Joshflickedhimonthearm.“Youwon’ttalktoHolden,youwon’ttalktoJensen.

I’mnotaseasilyasdeterredastheyare.Sotalktome,bro.”

“Josh, just go away, please.” Ethan could feel the beginnings of a headache throbbing at his

temples.

“Nope,notgoingtohappen.”Joshputhisarmsbehindhisheadandloungedfurtherinhischair.

“Soyoumightaswelltellmewhat’sgoingon.YouknowhowpersistentIcanbe.”

Ethanscowledoverathisfriend.Yes,helovedJoshlikeabrotherandrightnowhewantedtobeat

theshitoutofhim,buthealsoknewthemanwouldn’tgoawayunlesshesaidsomething.

“HoldenandIbrokeup.There,youhappynow?”Ethancrossedhisarmsoverhischest,tucking

hishandsunderhisarmpits.Justsayingthosewordshadtearsfillinghiseyes.

“Why?Ithoughtyoutwohadworkedshitout.”
“Ithoughtwedid.”Ethanswipedahandunderhiseye.“Butthereissomethingabouthislifethat

Ican’tdealwith.”

“Likewhat?”
“Hisjob.”Ethanfeltlikethescumoftheearthadmittingthat.
“Oh.”Joshsmiled.“Sobecausehe’safirefighteryouaregivinguponhim.Sparingyourselfthe

heartacheifsomethingweretohappentoHolden.”Joshsatup.“Dude,Itotallygetit.You’rewaybetter
off.Goodcall.”Joshpattedhimontheback.

EthanslowlyturnedtofaceJosh.Hadheheardhimcorrectly?Joshagreedwithhim.Thatnever

happened.EthannarrowedhiseyesatJosh.

“What?”Joshaskedinnocently.
“Youagreewithme.Whynow?”
“Man,aftereverythingyouwentthroughwithJay,Icompletelyunderstandwhereyou’recoming

from. Holden’s job offers no guarantees that he will come home after every shift. You’re better off
sparingyourselfthatstressandworry.”EthannoddedalongwithJosh.Themanunderstoodwherehe
wascomingfrom.“But,thereisonelittlethingyouareforgettinghere.”

EthancockedhisheadtothesideandwaitedforJoshtofinishhisthought.“What’sthat?”
“You’reinlovewithHoldenjustlikeyouwerewithJay.AndIknowyouwouldn’thavechanged

athingifitmeantnevermeetingJay.Sothatleadsmetothis,justbecauseyouaren’twithHoldenit
doesn’tmeanitwillhurtanylessifsomethingweretohappentohim.Youtwocouldspendyourwhole

lives together without anything ever happening to him, and who’s to say something won’t happen to
you?Walkingoutthegoddamndoorisagamblethesedays.Youcouldbestruckbylightningorgethit
byacar,dieinaplanecrash.TrytoputyourselfinHolden’sshoes.Heprobablyhasthesamefearsand
concernsyoudo,buthe’swillingtolookpastthattobewithyou.Shit,Ethan.”Joshranahandthrough
his hair. “I worry about Jensen every day he steps out the door because that’s just human nature. But
evenso,Iwouldn’tchangeathing.Iwanttobewiththatmaneverydayfortherestofmylifenomatter
howthingsmightendup.He’smylifeandIwouldn’ttradethatforanything.”

ForthefirsttimesincemeetingJosh,Ethanrealizedthemanfinallysaidsomethingmeaningful.It

madethefeelingofdespairandlonelinessjustthatmuchgreater.

The emotions warring inside his head and heart couldn’t find any common ground. To accept

Holden’schoiceofcareerwasonlyonehurdletoovercome.WhatJoshjustvoicedaboutthedangers
thatsurroundpeopleeverydaywasastruggleinofitself.

Ethanknewhewasbeingaselfishprick,buthishearthadalreadysufferedsomuch.Becominga

monkonafarawayislandhadstartedtosoundlikearealpossibilityheneededtoexplore.

ThefewdayshespentwithoutHoldenhadbeenbeyonddreadful.Hewokeeachmorningreaching

outforHoldenonlytofindemptyspace.Lifeseemedtolacklusterandnojoycouldbefoundinany
partofhisbody.Hewasallalonebyhisownmaking.

AndnowJoshhadtogoandmakecompletefuckingsensewithhiswordswheninthefewyears

he’d known the man he hadn’t said shit of anything of meaning or value. Ethan wanted to laugh out
louduntilhecriedathoweloquentlyJoshlaiditalloutonthelineforhim.Justbecausehechosenotto
bewithHoldendidn’tmeanlosinghimwouldbeanylesspainful.Itwouldprobablybeworse.

Thewallsofprotectionhebuiltaroundhisheartstartedtocrumbletodust.Holdenhadagreater

holdonhimthanhehadthought.Ethanwantedtobestrongandnotneedanyonebutitwasn’tpossible.
HeneededHoldenlikeheneededair.Andwhatwasworsewasthathedidn’tknowifHoldenwould
eventakehimbackifheaskedhim.Ethanhadn’tgivenHoldenachoicewhenhedroveoffthatnight,
hehadn’tevengivenhimthechancetodiscussthematter.

Holdenwasafirefighter.ItwasagoodandrespectablejobthatHoldenshouldbeproudof.And

Ethan should be a good partner and feel the same pride in his lover for sacrificing himself to help
others. But Ethan couldn’t help being selfish. He didn’t care about everyone else. He only cared for
Holdenandthatmadehimtwiceasselfish.

Holdenwouldneverintentionallyleaveyou,thevoiceinsidehisheadspokeup.
AfterJay’sdeathhismotherquotedfromapoembyAlfredLordTennyson,“it’sfarbettertohave

lovedandlostthennevertohavelovedatall,”totryandmakehimfeelbetter.She’dsaytolivealife
without love wasn’t really living. If she knew what he’d done she’d smack him upside the head for
actingthiswaytowardHolden.Holdenwashissecondchanceandhecouldn’tjustletitslipawayinto
theether.

TearsfellfreelyfromEthan’seyes.“SowhatdoIdo?”EthanaskedJosh,hopingthemancould

helphim.

“Fuck,Idon’tknow.”Joshstoodup.“Maybegoingandbeggingforforgivenessmightbeastart.

Guyslovethatshit.”

EthanstayedsittingasJoshwalkedaway.HeneverwouldhavethoughtJoshwouldhavenotonly

givenadvicethatmadesense,butthathewasalsoright.Evenifheweren’twithHolden,he’dstillbe
affectedifsomethingweretohappentohim.Sowhatwasthepointofsufferingwithoutatleasthaving
someofthehappinessthatwentalongwithbeinginlove?

Itwouldn’tbeeasy,butEthanhadtotry.Becausegoingonlikehehadbeenwasn’tworking.He

thoughtaboutHoldeneveryminuteofeveryday.Howcouldheeverthinkhecouldbeseparatedfrom
him?

“Jensen!”Ethancalledoutashejumpedupfromhischair.
“Yeah.”JensensteppedoutofhisofficeasEthancamerunningthroughthehouse.
“CanIborrowyourcar?”
“Ofcourse.”AknowingsmilecurvedhisupperlipandhetossedEthanthekeys.“Thefirestation

isonParkerStreet,”JensensaidasEthanrushedoutthefrontdoor.

Fifteenminuteslater,hefoundhimselfsittingintheparkinglotofthefirehouse.Sweatbrokeout

onthesidesofhisheadandhetappedhisfingersonthesteeringwheel.

“Icandothis.Icandothis,”Ethanwhisperedoverandovertohimself.
Finally,afterfivemoreminutesoftryingtocollecthisnerves,Ethangotoutofthecar.Hewalked

slowlyupthesidewalkthatledtothefrontdoor,butitwaslocked.Hesteppedaroundtothesideofthe
buildingtoseethatthebaydoorswereopening.Thesoundsoftalkingandlaughercouldbeheardfrom
whereEthanstood.

“Hello!”hecalledoutashewalkedfurtherintothegarage.Thebrightredfireenginesshinedin

theoverheadlighting.Aglossycherryred.TherehadbeenatimewhenEthanwasasmallchildthathe
hadwantedtobeafiremen.Heassumedeverychildwentthroughthatphase.

“CanIhelpyou?”Anoldermanwithgrayinghairsteppedoutofanopenofficedoor.
“Hi,I’mEthanandI’mlookingforHoldenAnders.Isheavailabletospeakwith?”
“Hellothere.I’mCaptainHardin.”Themanheldouthishand.“Andyes,he’savailable.”Theman

walkedovertothestairsandshouted.“Holden,yougotavisitordownhere.”HeturnedbacktoEthan.
“He’llbedowninaminute.”

“IhopeI’mnotinterruptinganything.”Ethansuddenlythoughtheshouldhavewaitedtospeakto

Holden.Hedidn’twantthemantogetintotroubleoverthis.

“Nah, it’s been quiet the last few days. Those knuckleheads aren’t doing anything but sitting on

their asses playing those damn video games.” Captain Hardin made a sound of disgust and shook his
head.“IfIhadn’talreadyhadthemcleanthestationfromtoptobottom,I’dmakethemdoitagain.”
Hardinchuckled.“ButI’mnotatotalhardass.”

“Youcalledforme,Captain?”Holdencamearoundthecornerandstoppedinhistracks.“Ethan.”
“Well,I’llgetoutofyourhair.”HardinshookEthan’shandonemoretime.“Itwasnicemeeting

you,Ethan.”

“Likewise.” Ethan waited until the other man had left before turning his attention to Holden.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”Holdenshovedhishandsintohispockets.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Ethangnawedonthecornerofhisbottomlip.Everythinghehadwantedtosayescapedhisbrain

as he stood in front of Holden. Ethan’s pulsed raced. Holden’s lips were pressed tightly together and
Ethancouldn’tblamehimforbeingangry.

“I came to talk to you.” Ethan’s eyes traveled down Holden’s body. He couldn’t help it. Holden

woredarknavyslackswithanavyT-shirtwiththefirestation’sinsigniaandhousenumber.Theshirtfit
snug and clung to Holden’s muscular chest. Holden’s nipples were hard and pressed out against the
shirt.

Ethanfelthiscockshiftinhisjeansandhereacheddowntoadjusthimself.Thiswasnotthetime

togetahard-on.

“Really.”Holdencrossedhisarmsoverhischestandrockedbackonhisheels.“Aboutwhat?”
Holden’s tone sounded a little hostile and Ethan grew more nervous. Maybe he’d blown it and

Holdendidn’twanttobewithhimanymore.

“Maybethiswasabadidea.”EthanstartedtowalkpastHolden.“Sorrytohavebotheredyou.”
“Thereyougoagain.”HoldengrabbedEthan’swristashemovedpasthim.“Alwayssoeasyto

tucktailandrunaway.”

“Wellyoudon’tseemoverlyhappytoseeme,”Ethansnapped.
“WhyshouldIbe?Huh?Everychanceyouget,youbreakmyheart,sopleaseexplaintomewhyI

shouldbehappytoseeyou?”

“Because I love you!” Ethan shouted. He looked toward Hardin’s office to see if the man had

heardthemfightingbutthemandidn’tstepouttolookatthem.

“Yousuredohaveafunnywayofshowingyourlove,Ethan.”Holdensmirked.Heleanedbackto

restagainstthewallbehindhim.“I’mstartingtowonderifyouknowwhatloveisatall.”

“IguessIdeservethat.”Ethanrammedhishandsintohispocketstokeepfromreachingoutfor

Holden. Something told him the man wouldn’t be very accepting of his touch at the moment and he
couldn’tblamehimeither.

“You do deserve that and so much more.” Holden pushed off the wall and pointed a finger in

Ethan’s face. “Do you have any idea what kind of pain you’ve put me through these past few days?”
Ethan shook his head. “I’ll tell you. Absolute agony. It was like having my fucking arm ripped off. I
wasalonewithnoonetotalktobecause,hell,howwouldIexplainthistoanyone?Mymateisafraidof
whatmighthappenoneday.”Holdenstartedtolaugh.Itwasacrazedsoundcomingfromhissoftand
gentlemouth.“Iworry,too,yaknow.Whatifyougethurt?Whatifonedayyoujustupandleaveme,
becauseyou’veprovenyoucandothatquiteeasily.I’mjustasscaredasyoubuttheonlydifferenceis
thatI’llstayandfightforyou.”

“Holden—”EthanhadsomanythingstosaybutHoldendidn’tgivehimthechance.
“No,youneedtolistentomeforachange.”Holdentookadeepbreath.“You’resoeagertorun

offandburyyourheadinthesandthantostayandfightforwhatyouwant.”Holdenbarkedoutalaugh.
“Igottasayitmakesamanfeelprettyshittywhenthemanhelovesissoquicktorunoutonhimwhen
thingsgetalittletough.It’scalledlife,Ethan.Noteverythingissupposedtobesocutanddryorpicture
perfect.Wearerealpeoplewithrealissues.Lifeisn’tlikeamoviewherenothingbadeverhappens.If
you keep looking forward to the bad stuff you’ll miss all the good. And let me tell you the good far
outweighthebad.”

Ethanstoodthere,noddinghishead.Itwasallhecouldgethisbodytodo.Hismouthhadgoneas

dry as the desert and his arms and legs felt numb, as if all the blood flowing to them had ceased
movement.IfHoldenpunchedhimrightnowhe’dacceptitwithoutfightingbackbecauseHoldenwas
right.Ethandiddwellonthewhat-ifstoomuch.Somuchsothathe’dranfromthislovingandcaring
mannotonce,nottwice,butthreefuckingtimes.Holdenshouldjusttellhimtogetlostandnevercome
nearhimagain.He’dprobablybebetteroff.

“You’reright,”Ethanwhispered.“Iamapersonwithalotoffucked-upproblems.”
“I’mnotdisagreeingwithyouthere.”
“Youhaveeveryrighttojusttellmetogoawaybut…”Ethandidhisbesttoswallowaroundthe

lumpinhisthroat.Hehatedfeelingsomuch.Alltheseemotionsweredrainingtheverylifefromhim
butforHoldenhe’dtrudgethroughthefeelingsofsadness,heartache,anddespair.Holdenwasworthit
andsomuchmore.

“Butwhat?”Holdenasked,hiseyeswide,asifaskingthequestionswiththem.
“Butyou’dmissmejustasmuchasI’vebeenmissingyouthesepastfewdaysbutonlymore.”

EthanreachedouthishandandgrippedHoldenbytheelbow.“I’maselfishasshole.Iwantthingsmy

waysothatmylifeiseasier.Inevertookinaccountyourfeelingsinallthis.”

“No,youdidn’t.”Holdendidn’tpullhisarmawaywhenhespoke.Ethantookthatasagoodsign.
“Iloveyousofuckingmuchithurts.”EthancuppedhishandsoverHolden’scheeksandkissed

hislipssoftly,doinghisbesttotakeinthewarmfleshbeneathhisandthefreshscentofHolden’sbody
justincasethiswasthelasttimeheevergottokissthisman.“AndIwaswrongtohaveleftyoulike
that.”HerestedhisforeheadagainstHolden’sandHoldenbroughthishandsuptowraparoundEthan’s
forearms.“I’mascaredandweakassholewhodoesn’tdeserveyou.”

“Keepgoing.”EthancouldfeelHoldensmilingagainsthislips.
“Iwantanotherchance.”HebrushedhislipsoverHolden’s.“I’llevenmoveheretobewithyou

andsupportyourcareerchoice,nomatterhowmuchitterrifiesme.”Ethanhadnocluewherethatcame
from. They had never discussed where they would live, but he knew being in Nehalem was the right
choice.CarsonwashereandallofHolden’sfriendsandfamilywerehere.Ethanwouldmissseeinghis
parentseveryday,butitwastimehemovedonwithhislifeandwithhimbeingawriter,hecouldlive
anywherehewanted,andhewantedtobewhereverHoldenwas.

“Sojustlikethat,huh?”HoldenwoundhisarmsaroundEthan’swaist,pullinghimclose.
“Just like that.” Ethan buried his face in Holden’s neck and breathed in the soap and aftershave

Holdenwore.IteasedhisnervesandherelaxedintoHolden’sembrace.He’dfinallyfoundahomeand
hisbruisedandbatteredheartletoutasighofrelief.

ChapterThirteen

“You have way too much shit, Eth.” Holden hauled another box into his house and set it in the

livingroom.“Wearegoingtohavetoaddontothehousetomakeroomforallthis.”

“It’sagoodthingwe’refriendswiththeownersofaconstructioncompany,isn’tit?”Ethanleaned

overandkissedHoldenonthecheek.

IthadbeenthreeweekssinceEthanhadshownuptoHolden’sworkandapologized.Itfeltlikea

lifetime ago. Everything had moved so fast after that. Holden took two weeks off of work to drive
across the country to Ethan’s parents’ house in San Francisco. They stayed and visited with Ethan’s
parents, who Holden had grown to adore. They loved their son so much and were so happy for him.
TheytreatedHoldenasifhehadbeenapartofthefamilyforyears.Ethan’smothergavehugsfreely
and wanted to feed Holden until he passed out. She was saddened to hear about Holden’s parents
passing. He left out the part about his father being a sadistic madman. Even Ethan’s father was
affectionateandeagertohelpoutwithanythinghecould.

AftertheygotallofEthan’saffairsinorder,theyloadedallhisbelongingsintoamovingtruckand

beganthetrekbacktoNehalem.

“Yeahyou’relucky,mister.”HoldenballedhisfistinthefrontofEthan’sT-shirt,thesoftcotton

bunchinginhisgrip.OncehestoodchesttochestwithEthan,hecapturedhislipsinakissthatcurled
hisowntoes.

Holden licked across the seam of Ethan’s mouth until his lover opened wide for him to enter.

HoldenmanagedtokickthedoorshutandpulledEthanintothelivingroom.HepushedEthandown
ontothecouchandhestraddledhismate’slap.EthanyankedHolden’sshirtupandoverhisheadand
threwittotheground.Holdendidn’tevenbother,hejustgrabbedthecollarofEthan’sshirtandripped
itapart.

“Godthat’ssofuckinghot.”Ethangasped,hischestrisingandfallingrapidly.“Ilovehowstrong

youare.”

“Yeah.”HoldennippedatEthan’sswollenlips.HegroundhisassdownonthestiffrodinEthan’s

shorts.Thethin-knitgymshortsdidnothingtocontainEthan’sboner.ItjabbedatHolden’sassasEthan
thrusthishipsupharder.

“Yeah.” Ethan shoved his hands down the back of Holden’s shorts and grabbed his firm, round

globesandmassagedhischeeksapartuntilhecouldslipahandbetweenthemandranhisfingernails
downHolden’scrack.“You’vegotmesoturnedon.”Ethanjerkedhishipsuppullingalowmoanfrom
Holden.“I’mgoingtofuckyousoharduntilyoucomeallovermychest.AndthenI’mgoingtocome
righthere.”EthantappedafingeroverHolden’stinyopening.

“Ohgodyes.”Holdenshimmiedoutofhispantsandlethisnailslengthenintoclawsandsliced

downthesideofEthan’sshorts,freeinghismate’scock.

“Hey,now,babe.”EthancurledhisfingersaroundHolden’sdick,slowingpullingonhislength.

“Watchthosenails.”

“I’d never hurt you.” Holden’s words were muffled by his teeth. His wolf was wanting to come

outandplaybutHoldenclosedhiseyesandtriedtocalmhisracingpulse.

“Iknowthat.”EthancaressedhishanddownthesideofHolden’sface.“Lookatme.”
Holdenslowlyopenedhiseyes,knowinghemustlookfrighteningwithhiseyesglowingandhis

teeth extended with his claws out. He could feel his fur tingling right under the surface. “Maybe we
shouldstopuntilIcalmdown.Idon’twanttoscareyou.”Holdentriedtopullaway.

“Holden,stopit.”EthancurledhisfingersintothesidesofHolden’ships.“Iloveyou.Iloveyour

wolf. There is nothing about you that scares me.” He laughed. “If anything, this turns me on more,
knowingI’vegotyousorevvedupyou’relosingcontrol.Provesjusthowmuchyouwantme.”

“Fuck yeah I want you.” Holden trailed his sharp nails up Ethan’s neck to settle into his thick

blackhair,thenleaneddowntokissEthan.

ThekissturnedurgentandHoldencouldn’ttouchEthanenough.Thanhereacheddownbetween

their bodies and wrapped his large hand around both their cocks and jacked them together. Sparks
jumped over Holden’s skin and he needed more. Pre-cum oozed from both their tips, lubricating the
sensitiveskin.

“Ineedyouinsideme.”Holdenthrewhisheadbackandgroanedashisballsdrewupclosetohis

body. He was so close to falling over the edge but he wanted Ethan inside him first. “Please, Ethan,
makelovetome.”

EthangrippedthebaseofhiscockandangleditupwardandHoldenslowlydescendeddownthe

thick length. He gasped at the initial stretch and the slight burn quickly morphed into pleasure as
Ethan’sshaftgentlyspreadhisinnerchannelapart.God,howhelovedthefeelingofEthanfillinghim
socompletely.Almosttothepointofbursting.

“Ilovethewayyoufeelaroundmycock.”Ethangruntedasheretreatedthenthrustupwardhard

intoHolden.“Sohotandtight.”

Holden wrapped his arms around Ethan’s neck and held on. His mate lost control and became

moreanimalthanhumanwhentheyfucked.ForahumanHoldenfoundthatquiteimpressive.Hehad
theabilitytopushEthantotheedgeofhissanity.HelovedwhenEthanlostcontrolandpoundedhis
ass.

“Oh fuck, Eth, harder,” Holden shouted as the flared crown of Ethan’s dick brushed over his

prostate.Fireworksexplodedbehindhiseyelidsandhebegantotremble.

EthanletoutaloudgrowlandgrabbedHolden’sassandpickedhimupuntilhehadHoldenonhis

back and Ethan was drilling his hole hard and fast. Their bodies slapped together as Ethan rode him.
Holden’sbackarchedashiscockshotoutthefirstspurtofcum.DroolfilledHolden’smouthandhesat
upandsunkhisteethintoEthan’sshoulderasthreemoreropesofhisseedsqueezedbetweenthem.

“Ohgod!”EthanpantedashisorgasmfilledHolden’stwitchinghole.
Ethan fell forward, collapsing on top of Holden. Holden wrapped his arms around Holden and

heldhimclose.EthanwasgettingbettereverydayandHoldenkneweverythingfromhereonoutwould
fine,no,betterthanfine.Great.

****

EthanhadbeeninNehalemfortwomonthsnow.ItwasJuneandthesunshonebrighteveryday,it

seemed.EthanlovedithereandevenmoresohelovedbeingwithHolden.

Holden’sjobstillcausedEthantoworry,buthewasgettingbetter.Holdenwouldtexthimatleast

onceanhourwhilehewasatworkandiftheyhadtogoouttoacallhe’dphoneEthanrightafterward.
SureitfreakedEthanout,butthealternativeofnotbeingwithHoldenoutweighedthefearofHolden
gettinghurtonthejob.

Sinceschoolwasout,Carsonspentalotoftimeattheirhouse.Mostnightshisdadslethimstay

thenightwhenHoldenwasworking.TheyknewithelpedkeepEthan’smindoffofHoldenanditgave
Carsonsomethingtodo.

Ethangrewmoreimpressedwiththelittleguyeverydayhespentwithhim.Carsonhadtakenup

writingcomicstrips.Theywereveryentertaining.Thecurrentcomichewasworkingonwasabouta
youngboywhowasawerewolfandhadsuperpowers.Theyoungcharacterprotectedtheworldwith
his two dads as his sidekicks. When Ethan told Noah and Skyler about it, they were beyond flattered
andSkylerevenbegantocry.

Theirhousewasalsocurrentlyunderconstruction.LikeHoldenhadthought,theydidhavetoadd

ontotheirhouse.Sincetheyhadtalkedaboutmaybehavingkidsoneday,theywereextendingontothe
back of the house to add in two more bedrooms and another hall bathroom, with a bathroom also
connectingtherooms.ThesparebedroomalreadyinthehousehadbecomeEthan’soffice.Hehadjust
turnedinthefinishedmanuscripttohisagentwhohadmadethecommentthatithadbeenEthan’sbest
workyet.Ethanhadtothankbeinghappyandinloveforfeedinghisimagination.

EthanwassittingathisdeskandCarsonwasatthesmalldeskhehadputtogetherforhisnephew.

Theywouldworkforhoursonendwriting,thenhe’dsitandlistentoCarsongooverhiscurrentcomic.
EthancouldseethatCarsonhadrealtalentandheencouragedtheyoungmanateveryopportunity.

“Theysureareloudtoday,”Ethansaidasheturnedhischairaround.
“Tell me about it.” Carson rubbed his hands over his eyes. “I think we should go take their

hammersaway.”Hiseyeslitup.“Whatdoyousay,UncleEth?”

“As much fun as that sounds, my young man, we need them to finish the addition before fall

comesanditstartstogetcold.”

Carsonwincedthendroppedhisheadforwardtothumponthedesk.“ThenIneedabreak.Allthat

bangingisdrivingmeinsane.”Carsonsatup,hiseyeswide.“Nooffense,UncleEthan.”

“Nonetaken,littleman.”Ethanstoodupandstretched.Carsonwasalwaysverycautiouswiththe

termscrazy,insane,orlooney.Hedidn’twanttohurtEthan’sfeelingssinceheknewthattherehadbeen
a time that Ethan hadn’t been completely together in the head. His depression had caused him to do
terrible things, but he was better now and getting better every day. “Let’s go see what they’re doing,
thenlet’ssayweheadintoSilverCreekandgoforasmoothieattheEarlyBean.”

“Soundsgoodtome.”CarsonstoodupandfollowedEthanoutoftheiroffice.
Ethanwalkedthroughthekitchenthenoutthebackdoor.Holdenwasonhisfour-daybreakfrom

workandhadbeenhelpingVictor,Cole,andJosephwiththeconstruction.Thewallswereupandthe
electricianhadcomeouttoinstallallthewiring.Itwascomingalongreallygreat.

“Hey, babe.” Holden wiped the back of his hand over his forehead. He was shirtless and sweat

drippeddownhischest.Thesunhadbeguntoturnhisskinanevendarkershadeofbrown.

Ethan’s eyes roamed over the sweat-slicked body and he wanted to throw Holden to the ground

andhavehiswickedwaywithhim.

“Doyoumind?”VictormovedtostandnexttoHolden.“Wearetryingtoworkandwedon’tneed

yououtheremakinggooglyeyesatHolden.”

“Hesaidgooglyeyes,”Carsonrepeatedashebrokeoutinafitofgiggles.
“Well I just came to let you know Carson and I are heading into town.” Ethan waved his hand

towardthetoolstheywereusing.“There’sjusttoomuchnoiseforustogettinganyworkdone.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” Holden walked over to Ethan and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “We’re

goingtoworkforafewmorehoursthencallitaday.”Holdenleanedcloseruntilhecouldwhisperinto
Ethan’s ear. “Then maybe you and I can have a little alone time together.” Holden took a step back.
“How’sthatsound?”

Ethan’seyeswereclosedandhecouldfeelhiscockstirringinhisshorts.Hetookacoupledeep

breathsandtriedtothinkofsomethingunappealingsohisdickwoulddeflate.“Thatwasmean.”Ethan
pointedafingerathim.

“Who,me?”Holdencurledbothhishandsinwardtowardhischest.
“Yesyou.”EthanshotagrinatHolden,thenturnedandledthewaytohiscar.“Comeon,Carson,

let’sgetoutofhere.”

“Hey,Carson,”ViktorshoutedandEthanandCarsonbothturnedbackaround.“Iwanttoreadthe

comicwhenyou’redone.ThelastonewasawesomebutIthinkyouneedasuperherofriend.”Viktor
shrugged.“YoucouldnamehimVikorBigV.”

“I’llkeepthatinmind.”Carsonlaughed.
EthanpoppedthekeypodtohisLexusandgotbehindthewheel.Carsongotintothebacksince

hewasstillalittleonthethinsidetorideinthefront.EthanfoundthestationCarsonlikedtolistento
andtheysangalongtothemusic.

Whentheygottothecoffeeshop,Ethanparkedhiscarandtheywentinside.ShaneandDominic

wereworkingtoday.Theremodelonthecaféhadbeencompletedandtheygainedquitethecrowd.A
lotofcollegestudents.Withschoolbeingoutforsummer,therewerestillquiteabitofstudentsinthe
summer session. Young men and women lounged around in the plush chairs and couches with their
laptopspulledout.

“Lookwhocametovisitme.”ShaneheldhishandupforCarsontogivehimahighfive.“The

usual,masterCarson?”

“Youknowit.”Carsonhoppeduponthehighbarstool.
“Regular for you, too, Ethan?” Shane asked as he started on Carson’s strawberry pineapple

smoothie.

“Youknowwhat?IthinkI’llhavewhatCarsonishaving.”Hesmileddownathisnephew.
“Allrighty.Comingrightup.”
OnceShanewasdonewiththeirdrinkshehandedthemoveralongwithaplateofcookies.Carson

immediately dug in while Ethan paced himself. If he wasn’t careful, he’d gain twenty pounds from
eatingShane’sbakedgoods.

“Carson!” Kamden shouted as he barreled into the café. “I thought that was you. Come on.”

KamdenwavedhishandforCarsontofollowhim.“Let’splaycatchatthepark.Ryansaidyoucould
usehisglove.”

“Really?”Carson’seyeslitup.
“Yeah.”KamdentossedthespareglovetoCarson.“Comeon.Let’sgo.”
CarsonlookedupatEthan.“CanI,Eth?”
Ethanleanedtothesidetolookoutthefrontwindow.HecouldseeSethsittingonabenchinthe

shade.Hehadabinderinhishands.ToEthan,itlookedlikehewasworkingoneditsforhischildren’s
book.KnowingthatSethwasthere,hewascomfortablelettingCarsongoplayattheplayground.

“Sure,I’llbeoverinaminute,okay?”
“Thanks,Eth.”Carsonranoutofthecafé,followingKamden.
“You know if I didn’t know any better, I’d say our young Carson has a crush on Ryan.” Shane

restedhiselbowsontheglass-topcounterandstaredoutthewindow.

“No.”EthandrewthewordoutandglancedoverhisshoulderatShane.“Youdon’tthink?”
“I’m only speculating.” Shane shrugged. “But damn, no matter what Ryan says or does, Carson

keepsgoingbackforseconds.AndthewayhelooksatRyanlikehehungthefreakingmoon.”Shane
straightened and wiped down the counter top. “It’s sickening at times. I think that Ryan kid needs a
swiftkickinthebuttifyouaskme.”

“Iagree.”Ethannodded.“Ryandoeshaveanunpleasantattitude,butI’mnotsureifCarsonhasa

crushonthekid.”EthanlookedoutthewindowtoseeCarsonwatchingRyanasRyanhelpedKamden

holdthebaseballthecorrectway.AndCarsondidhaveadopeygrinonhisfaceandhiseyeswerewide.
Ohhell!“Nope.He’stooyoung.”Ethansaiditasifthecasewasclosed.

“Yeahstickyourheadinthesandlikeeveryoneelse,butIknowwhatIsee.”Shanetossedtherag

on the counter. “Carson is more mature then most kids his age. I mean, hell, he spends his free time
writingcomics.That’snotthenormalbehaviorofatenyearold.He’slikeanadultandI’msurehefeels
andthinkslikeone,too.”

“But isn’t he too young to, ya know, have a mate?” Ethan understood the basics of the mating

gamebutrealisticallyCarsonwasstilljustakid.Howthehelldidatenyearknowwhattheywantedfor
theirfuture?Tomakealife-changingdecisionatsuchanearlyageseemedimpossible.

“IwouldthinksobutlookatEric.”EricwasDevonandViktor’syoungerbrother.Ethanhadheard

thestoriesfromShaneonhowmuchofapainintheasstheguyhadbeenwhenhewasyounger.“Most
shiftersdon’thavethecapabilityofrecognizingtheirmatesuntiltheyarematureenoughtohandleit.
Ericwassixteenandthatwasahardage,butithappens.”Shaneshrugged.“There’snorhymeorreason
toallthis.”

Ethan pursed his lips and kept his attention on Carson and the other boys. Of all the kids for

Carsontolike,ithadtobethatone.“I’mnotgoingtolookforwardtohisteenageyears.”Ethanpulled
outatwentyandhandedittoShane.

“You’retellingme.”ShanerangupEthan’stab,thenhandedhimthechange.“Ilovethoseboys

liketheyweremyown,butI’mnotsureIcanhandlethehormonalteenageyears.Goingthroughallthat
withEricwasbadenough.”

“It’s a good thing Carson has two very caring and loving parents because if you’re right and he

likes Ryan, he’s going to need more than one shoulder to cry on.” Ethan waved to Shane and headed
acrossthestreet.

“No,Carson,youneedtothrowitlikethis.”Ryanpulledhisarmbackandlaunchedthebaseball

intotheair.ItwhizzedpastCarson’sheadandrolledintotheroad.“Nowlookwhatyoudid!”

Ethanwasheadedacrossthestreet,bitinghistonguetokeepfromyellingatRyan.
“I’msorry,Ryan.”Carsonturnedandtookoffaftertheball.“I’llgetit.”
Ethan just made it to the park in time to see Carson run out in to the street. The sound of

screechingtireshadEthanrunningbeforeheknewwhathewasdoing.Heleaptoverabenchandcould
seeoutofthecornerofhiseyeSethhaulingasstowardCarsonaswell.ButSethwouldn’tmakeitin
time.EthansawastreakofredandCarsonbentatthewaistpickinguptheballwhereithadrolledtoa
stop,stuckonamanholecover.

“Carson, get out the street!” Ethan shouted. He could see the driver of the car wasn’t paying

attention,lookingdownathisphone,musicblaring.

Carson stood up and turned to see the car rushing toward him. Ethan could see the fear on his

youngfaceandherushedintotheroadandshovedCarsonoutoftheway.Hisfirstthoughtwasrelief,
thenthelightswentoutandEthanhadthesensationoffalling,thennothing.

ChapterFourteen

“Sohowmuchlongerdoyouthink?”Holdenasked.
“I’dsayaweek,maybetwo.”Viktorpickedupawaterbottleandtookabigdrink.
TheystoppedforthedayandHoldenwashelpingputthetoolsawaywhenhiscellphonerang.
“Hello,”Holdensaidashetookoffthetoolbelthewaswearing.
“Yes,isthisHoldenAnders?”thefemalevoiceontheotherendofthelineasked.
“Yes. Who’s this?” The hair on the back of Holden’s neck stood on end. Something didn’t feel

right.

TheladygavehernamethenproceededtotellhimthatEthanhadbeeninanaccidentandthathe

shouldgettoSilverCreekMemorialassoonaspossible.Ethanhadbrokenhisleftarmandseveralribs.
Shesaidtheywerepreppinghimforsurgerytorepairthecompoundfracturetohistibia.Shealsostated
they were closely monitoring the swelling in his brain just in case he needed surgery to relieve the
pressure.

Hisheartfrozeinhischestandhenoddedhishead,unabletospeak.
“Mr.Anders,didyouhearwhatIsaid?”
Holden’slegswobbledandhefelltohisknees.
“Holden, what’s wrong?” Viktor took the phone from his hand. “Who is this and what’s going

on?”Viktorsnappedintothephone.

ThelastfewmonthswithEthanflashedthroughhismind.Ethan’ssmile,thewayhekissed,his

touchasheheldHoldencloseatnightwhiletheyslept.Everysinglemomentinfastforward.

He’snotgoingtodie.Hecan’tleaveme.Iwon’tlethim.
SuddenlyHoldengotasecondwindandstoodup.Viktorreachedforhisarmbuthepulledoutof

hisgrasp.Hewentintothehouseandgrabbedashirtandhiskeysoffthecounter.

“Holden,waitup.”Viktorranafterhim.
Holdendidn’tstop.Heletthefrontdoorslamashewalkedoutontotheporchthentookthestairs

ataruntohistruck.

“Fuck, man, stop!” Viktor grabbed the driver’s side door as Holden when to shut it. “You can’t

drivelikethis.Scootover.”Whenhedidn’tmove,Viktorsoftenedhistone.“Youdon’thavetodothis
alone,man.Letmecomewithyou.We’llcalltheothersontheway.Okay?”

Holden’sbreathstartedtocomeouttoofastandhisthroattightened.Tearsspilledfromhiseyes.

He’d never felt so lost before. When his sister had been murdered, he had the revenge of killing his
fathertokeephimgoing,butwiththis?Therewasnothingtohelphimgetthroughthis.IfEthandied
Holdendidn’tknowwhathe’ddo.

“Okay.”Holdengaveashakynod,thenmovedovertothepassengerseat.
Viktordroveasfastaspossibletothehospital.HecalledSkylerandSkylerinreturncalledNoah.

Noahwasatthecollegeteachingaclassoverthesummerbreak.ThenViktorcalledAiden,thenShane.
Viktor explained that Shane had seen it happen and was at the hospital. He was dealing with Carson,
whowasacompletemess.FromwhatViktorexplainedEthanjumpedinfrontofaspeedingcartosave
Carson.HoldensmiledatthatbecausethatwasthekindofmanEthanwas.Sacrificinghimselftosave
another.

“Shane overheard the cops talking to the driver. Apparently he was texting and never even saw

CarsonorknewwhatwasgoingonuntilhehitEthan.”

Holden didn’t say anything. How many times had he himself been texting while driving?

Somethingsopointlessandthatcouldhavewaited.Butnooneeverthinksthiswouldhappentothem.

Viktor pulled into the ER parking lot and threw the car into park and Holden jumped out of the

truck.Heranthroughthedoubledoorsandthesmellofdisinfectantandthecoldairhadhimstumbling
toastop.Hehatedhospitals.Itwasaplacepeoplecametodie.

“CanIhelpyou,sir?”Thereceptionistbehindthedeskasked.
“I’m Holden Anders. My partner Ethan Compton was brought in here. Car accident.” He was

breathless and his head started to hurt. Why wasn’t she moving faster to find him the answers he
needed?

“He’sonthefourthfloor.He’sinsurgeryrightnow.Oncehe’sdone,theywillbeputtinghimin

theICU.”Shepointedtothebankofelevatorsatthefarendofthehall.

Holden rushed to the elevator and pushed the up arrow. As the doors opened and he got on, he

noticedViktorwasnexttohim.Viktorputareassuringhandonhisshoulder,butitdidnothingtohelp
theanxietyrunningthroughhisveins.

ThedoorsslidopenandHoldensprintedoutoftheelevator.Helookedleftthenright,feelingso

lostonwheretogo.

“UncleHolden!”
HoldenturnedtohisleftatthesoundofCarson’shighpitchedscream.Hebentintimetocatch

Carsoninhisarms.ThelittleboyburiedhisheadinHolden’sneckandwrappedhisarmstightlyaround
hisneck.

“Hesavedme.”Carsonsobbed.“He’shurtallbecauseofme.Thisisallmyfault.”
HoldenheldontoCarson,feelinglikehisnephewwastheonlythingkeepinghimfromspinning

out of control. He needed to stay calm. If he didn’t calm down, his wolf would push forward and
overtakehim.“No,buddy,it’snot.Itwasanaccident.”HoldentriedtosootheCarson.

“Carson!”Noahrushedoutoftheelevatorandreachedoutforhisson.
“Dad,”Carsoncried.
HoldenhandedCarsonoverandfellintoachair.Shanecametositbesidehimandtookhishand.
“Theyrushedhimintosurgeryimmediately.Hislegwasprettybad.Theyaredoingalltheycan,

Holden,”Shanetriedtoreassurehim.

“Yeah,butwillitbeenough?”Holdenmuttered.Thelightsinthewaitingareawerebrightandthe

whitewallsmadethelightreflectasifoffofsnow,blindinghim.Holdenshuthiseyes,leanedforward,
andcoveredhisfacewithhands.Astormoftearsfellfromhiseyesandhegaspedforbreath.Hisbody
shook from the sheer force. Viktor and Shane sat on either side of him with their arms around him,
doingtheirbesttokeephimfromfallingapart.

Holdendidn’tknowhowmuchtimehadpassedbeforeadoctorinbluescrubscameouttospeak

tohim.HesaidthatEthanhadacompoundfracturetohislefttibiaandtheyhadtoputarodinhisleg
torepairit.Ethan’swristandclaviclealsowerefractured.Therewereseveralcontusionsandscrapeson
Ethan’sskin.Theleftsideofhisbodysufferedtheimpactofthehitandthemajorityofthedamagewas
to that side. All those things were minor compared to the head trauma. The doctor said they were
keeping Ethan heavily sedated. He used the term induced coma. Ethan was on a ventilator to help
monitorhisbreathing.ThepurposeofallthiswastogiveEthan’sbodytimetohealandtheswellingon
hisbraintogodown.Thedoctorsaidifitgotmuchworse,theywouldhavetooperatetodrainsomeof
thefluid.

ItallsoundedlikeaforeignlanguagetoHolden.AllhewantedtohearwasthatEthanwouldwake

upandbeokaybutthedoctorsaiditwasawaitinggamenow.ItwasuptoEthanandhisbody.

HoldenwasfinallyallowedtogobackandseeEthan.Hismouthfellopenatthesightofhismate.

A large tube was coming out of his mouth and led to a machine that made a loud nose as it pumped
Ethan’schestupanddown.HisrightarmhadIVscomingoutofthetopofhishand.BothofEthan’s
eyeswereswollen,scratchesandwhatlookedlikeroadburncoveredtheleftsideofhisface.Theyhad
strappedEthan’sleftarmtohischest.Hisleftlegwassetinaplastercaststretchedoutinfrontofhim.
Itdidn’tlooklikehisEthanlayinginthatbed.

Holdenmovedachairclosertothebedandsatdown.HesatonEthan’srightsidesohecouldhold

hishand.Itwascoldanddry.

“Why?”Holden’svoicecracked.Heleanedforwardtoresthisheadonthesideofthebedandlet

histearsfallagain.Ethanhadtowakeupfromthis.Hejusthadto.

ChapterFifteen

AwarmbreezeblewoverhisfaceandEthanopenedhiseyes.Thesmellofexhaustandrainlay

heavyintheair.HerealizedhewasstandingattheFrenchdoorsthatledtothebalconyoftheapartment
hehadoncesharedwithJay.

“Whatthehell.”Ethansteppedoutonthestonebalconyandlookedoutontothecity.Lightslitup

theskyandthesoundsofcarsrushingdowntheroadfilledhisears.

EthanmovedinacircleandsawthetwinklinglightshehadhungupthenightheproposedtoJay.

The champagne sat in the ice bucket on the patio table. Music played in the background. He did a
doubletakebacktowardthestereo.“I’mYours”byJasonMrazplayedoverthespeakers.Thatwashis
andJay’ssong.

Hecouldn’tbelieveit.EverythingwasexactlythesamefromthatnightwithJay.Hetobelosing

hismind.

Ethanbroughthishandsuptogripeithersideofhisface.Heclenchedhiseyestightandwanted

nothingmorethantowakeupfromthisnightmare.Theendingwasalwaysthesame.Jaywouldsayyes
andlessthanaweeklaterhe’dbedead.

“It’snotadream,Ethan.”EthanslowlyturnedaroundtoseeJayleaningagainsttherailingalong

thebalcony.“Wellit’ssortoflikeadream,butnotreally.”Jaypushedawayfromtherailingandcame
tostandinfrontofhim.“Youwereinanaccidentandrightnowyou’relyinginyourhospitalbedina
coma.”

EthansearchedJay’seyes,tryingtoremember.“Idon’tunderstand.”Heshookhishead.
“Some things in life are not meant to be understood, just accepted.” Jay smiled up at him. The

glowinglightsmadeJay’sgoldenhairshineasifhehadahaloaroundhishead.Hispaleblueeyeshad
the same obnoxious glint in them. He missed that about Jay, but as he gazed upon his first love he
couldn’thelpbutmissHolden.

“WhyamIhere?”HelookedoverJay’sshoulderatthepatio.“AmIdead?”
“Notdead,butinanin-betweenstate.”Jaywenttostandbackbytherailinglookingoverthecity.

“Thiswasthehappiestnightofmylife.”HeglancedoveratEthan.“Iknewafteryouproposedthatlife
couldn’t get any better. I found the man of my dreams. I had a great job. Everything was absolutely
perfectinmylife.”

TearsburnedatthebackofEthan’seyes.Thatnighthadbeenperfect,buthecouldn’thelpbutfeel

guiltybecauserecentlyhehadhadsomanyperfectnightswithHolden.Notbetter,butdifferent.

“Me,too,”EthanwhisperedashemovedtostandnexttoJay.“Iloveyousomuch.”
“No, Ethan.” Jay turned around to face him. “You loved me. It’s past tense now, sweetie. I’m

dead.”AsoftsmilelitupJay’sface.“There’snocomingbackfromthatandIdon’twanttocomeback.
I’matpeacewithwhathappened.”

“Howcanyousaythat?”EthangrabbedaholdofJay’sbicepsandgavehimasmallshake.“Your

lifewascutshort,allfornothing.Asenselesscrimethatdidn’thavetohappen.”

“Butitdid,andnomatterhowhardyoutrytoreasonwithit,nothingyoudoorsaywillchange

that.” Jay laid his hand on Ethan’s chest. He could feel the heat seep through his shirt. “I had finally
thoughtyouwerereadytomoveonbutthenonceyouwerehitbythatcar,yourmindinstantlybrought
you back here. To this time and place.” Tears dripped from Jay’s eyes. “It breaks my heart that even
yourunconsciousmindwantstobehere.There’snothingforyouhereanymore,Ethan.Holdenisyour
future,notme.”

“You know about him?” Ethan felt his face flush with heat. He didn’t want Jay to be hurt by

seeinghimmoveonwithanotherman.

“Yes, and I couldn’t be happier.” He snorted. “So imagine my surprise when I saw this was the

placeyouwantedtocomebacktowhenyouwerestuckinthatin-betweenspaceofthelivingandthe
dead.Whywouldyouwanttobehere,Ethan?”Whenhedidn’trespond,Jayshouted,“Why?”

“Idon’tknow.”Ethan’shandsshook.“Ilovedyousomuch,butIalsoloveHolden.Iwouldnever

choosetoleavehim.I’minlovewithhim.”

“Sowhy,whenyouareatyourlowest,doyouwanttocomebacktotimeslikethis?Areyouready

tojustgiveup?Followmeintotheafterlife?Forwhat?SoIcanfeeltheeternalguiltofyouthrowing
yourlifeaway.”

“Whywouldyousaythat,Jay?”NowEthanfelthurtbyJay’swords.Didn’thestilllovehim?“If

I’mgoingtodie,whycan’tIbewithsomeoneIknowandloveontheotherside?”

“Because,sweetie,it’snotyourtime.Youneedtofightthroughthisandgetbetter.”Jaycuppedhis

handonEthan’scheek.“Somanypeopleloveyouandareprayingthatyouwakeup.Youhavetoget
better.Youhavetoomuchlivingstilltodo.”

“But how do I get back to them?” Ethan looked around the patio and into their apartment, but

wasn’tcertainhowtogetbacktoHolden.

“Youneedtoletgo.IcanseehowmuchHoldenmakesyouhappyanditwarmsmyheart,Ethan.”

Jaychuckledandwipedastraytearfromhischeek.“Iknowyouwereatoddswithyourselfwhenyou
developed feelings for Holden. You were so worried that it meant you didn’t love me anymore, but
that’swhereyouarewrong.TheloveyouhadformeisdifferentthantheloveyouhaveforHolden.Not
betterormorespecial,justdifferent.”

“Butifallthat’strue,thenwhydoIkeepcomingbackhere?EveninmydreamsIalwayswind

backuphere.EvenatnightwhenI’mlyinginbed,holdingHoldeninmyarms,Istillcomebacktothis
timeandplace.Whyisthat?”Itfrustratedandconfusedhim.HowcouldhebehappywithHoldenifhis
subconsciouskeptbringinghimbackhere?

“Ithinkit’sbecauseyouwanttosaygood-bye.”
“I don’t want to say good-bye.” Ethan tugged on Jay’s hand and pulled him into his chest and

wrappedhisarmsaroundhim.

“Sweetie,it’snotagood-byeinthatyouwillforgetme,butit’sagood-byemeaningthatyou’re

readytomoveonandbuildalifewithHolden.You’restillpartofthelandofthelivingandyoudeserve
to be happy. I can see that Holden does that for you. Don’t let your chance at happiness slip through
yourfingers.”

“Isthiswhatyouwant,Jay?”
“Yes,”heyelled.HehadhisheadtiltedupatEthan,meetinghisstare.“WatchingyouandHolden

buildalifetogetherhasmademesohappy.Myheartdoesn’thurtlikeitdid.”

Ethan smiled through the tears. Hearing that he had Jay’s blessing seemed to make everything

better.HehadclosureontheguilthehadbeenfeelingbyfallinginlovewithHolden.

Suddenlythemusicchanged.Anothersongdriftedfromtheapartment.“I’llFollowYouIntothe

Dark”playedsoftlyonthestereo.

“What’shappening?”EthanturnedbacktofaceJay.
“I think there is someone out there waiting for you. Someone that loves you so much they are

willingtofollowyoufromonelifetothenext.”

“Holden?”Ethantookasteptowardtheapartment.Hestumbledtoastop.“ButhowdoIgetback

tohim?”Hisheartbeatpoundedloudlyinhisearsandstartedtopanic.

“It’sassimpleasopeningyoureyes.”Jaysmiledathim.
Ethan hesitated before walking into the apartment. “I will always love you, Jay. You were a big

partofmylife.”

“Andyoumine.”Anothertearfellfromhiseye.“Nowgetbacktoyourlife,Ethan.We’llseeeach

otheragainsomeday.Justnottoosoon.You’vegotalotoflivinglefttodo.”

EthanwalkedbacktoJayandgavehimatighthug,thenturnedtogointohisapartment.Helay

downonthecouchandclosedhiseyes.HebroughtupHolden’simageinhismindandasmilecurled
hisupperlip.ItwasthefirsttimehemetHoldenandhehadthatcockygrinonhisface,hiswavybrown
hairfallingintohiseyes.ItwasthenthatEthanknewhehadfalleninlove.Jaywashispast,butHolden
washisfuture,anditwastimetogetbacktohislife.

ChapterSixteen

Ethanslowlyopenedhiseyes.Thebrightlightstungandhequicklydroppedhiseyelidstohalf-

mast.Hismouthhungopenandsomethinglargewasshoveddownhisthroat.Heclosedhiseyesand
tookadeepbreathfromhisnose.

“Theguysjustfinishedtheconstructiononthehouse.”Ethanlookeddownward.Holdenhadhis

headrestingonhisthigh,rubbinghisfingersbackandforthoverthetopofEthan’shand.“Soyouneed
towakeupandtellthemwhatcoloryouwantthewallstobebecauseI’mnotgoodwithstufflikethat.”
HisvoicecrackedandEthancouldfeelwetnessonhislegwhereHolden’sheadwasat.“Please,baby,
justwakeup.Ican’tdothiswithoutyou.Pleasewakeup.”

Ethan tried to make his mouth work but the tube prevent him from doing that. He then tried to

movehishandbuthewastooweak.ThemachinestotherightofhimstartedtobeeploudlyandHolden
satup,joltingthebed.

“Ohmygod,Ethan,you’reawake.”Holdenpressedthecallbuttonforthenurse’sstationbutthe

nursehadalreadycomerushingintohisroom.“He’sawake!”heshoutedhappilyather.

“I can see.” She smiled and moved over to Ethan’s side. “Mr. Compton, can you hear me?” He

noddedhishead,thenusedhiseyestomotiondownattheannoyingtubeinhisthroatandshenodded
herheadinunderstanding.“I’llcallthedoctorrightnowtocomeandremovethat.”Shelefttogetthe
doctor.

“Ican’tbelieveyouarereallyawake.”TearsstreakedHolden’sface.
Holden’s hair stood out at odd angles on his head and his clothes were all rumpled. Dark bags

shadedtheskinunderhiseyesanditlookedlikeHoldenhadlostsomeweight.

Thedooropenedupandamanhe’dneverseenbeforewalkedintohisroom.Ethanreadhisname

tag,Dr.Watterson.

“Hello,Ethan.”Thedoctorlightlypattedhisshoulder.“Gladtoseeyou’reawake.”
“You’renottheonlyone,”Holdenchimedin.“IfeellikeIcanfinallybreathe.”
Dr.WattersonexplainedwhathewasabouttodotoremovethetubefromhisthroatbutEthanwas

only half paying attention. He couldn’t take his eyes off Holden. It felt like a lifetime ago since he’d
seenhismate.

Oncethetubewasremoved,Holdenheldastrawtohislipsforhimtogetadrink.Histhroatwas

dryandscratchy,asifsomeonehadtakensandpaperandrubbeditagainsttheinsidesofhismouth.

“Thankyou.”Hisvoicecameoutsoundinghoarse.
“Don’tmentionit.”Holdensmileddownathim.
“Now that that’s out, I want you to take it easy,” Dr. Watterson said. “I wouldn’t recommend

auditioningforAmericanIdolanytimesoon.”ThedoctorquicklywentoverEthan’sinjuriesandEthan
wasgladhehadbeenoutofitforthepastthreeweeks.

“Youdon’thavetoworryaboutthat,doctor.”Holdenlaughed.“Ethan’saterriblesinger.”
“Hey!”Ethancroaked.
Dr.Wattersonlaughed.“Ethan,youtakeiteasyandgetsomerest.I’llcomebyagaintomorrowto

check your vitals. Your injuries have been healing remarkably well. We were just waiting for you to
regainconsciousness.”Thedoctorheadedforthedoor.“I’llgetoutofyourhairsoyoucanhavesome
time alone. This guy over here has been worried sick about you. Wouldn’t leave your side to even
shower.”Wattersonwavedahandinfrontofhisnose.“Andboydoesheneedone.”

“That’s about enough out of you.” Holden made a shooing motion with his hand. “Now go and

bugsomeotherpoordefenselesspatientandtheirfamily.”

“Later,boys!”Wattersonwavedashewalkedoutthedoor.
Ethancouldn’thelpbutadmiretheview.Dr.Wattersondidn’tlookthatold.Hewastallwithshort

blondhairandblueeyes.AcutiethatsuddenlyEthandidn’tlikeknowinghadbeenspendingtimewith
hisloverwhilehewasinacoma.

“Stopcheckingouthisass,”Holdenteased.
“NowwhywouldIdothatwhenIhaveyourasstoogle?There’snobodymoreperfectthanyou.”

Bythetimehefinishedsayingallthat,hehadtohaveanotherdrink.

“You’resuchasweettalker.”HoldenleanedforwardandkissedEthan’sdrylips.“AsmuchasI

wanttokeepyoualltomyselfIneedtocalltheothers.Plusyourfolksarehere.”Holdenwentquietfor
a few moments. “There are a lot of people who love you, Ethan Compton, and they will be over the
moontoseeyoursmilingface.”

“I’llbehappytoseethem,too.”EthanusedhisgoodhandtoreachforHolden’s.“Butrightnow

I’mjusthappytoseeyou,Holden.I’vemissedyousomuch.”

“Me,too,babe,me,too.”HoldensatdownonthebedandwrappedbothhishandsaroundEthan’s.
AshestaredintoHolden’seyes,hisconversationwithJayplayedthroughhismind.Lifewasall

aboutchancesandgoingforwhatyouwanted.AndEthanwantedHoldenforkeeps.

“I love you so fucking much.” Holden sobbed. He moved to rest his head on Ethan’s shoulder.

“AllthistimeyouweresoworriedaboutlosingmeandIspentsomuchtimetryingtotakethatstress
fromyou.IneverimaginedwhatwouldhappenifIlostyou.Iwassoscared,Ethan.”

EthantriedhisbesttowraphisgoodarmaroundHolden,buthismusclesprotestedandhewinced.

“I’mnotgoinganywhereifIcanhelpit.I’vegottoomuchtolivefor.”

Holdensatupandwipedawayhistears.“Yes,youdo.”HegaveEthanawaterysmile.“You’ve

stolenmyheart,EthanCompton,soyoucanneverleaveme.”

Ethan brushed his lips over Holden’s and his heart expanded and warmth filled his chest. If he

couldhelpit,he’dneverbeapartfromHoldenever.Thissecondchanceatlovewasagifthecouldn’t
takeadvantageof.He’dspendtherestofhislifeshowingHoldenjusthowspecialandimportanthewas
tohim.

****

Ithadbeenthreemonthssincehisaccidentandlifehadgottenbacktonormal.Theremodelson

theirhousehadbeencompletedandHoldenhadfinallygonebacktowork.He’dtakenoffamonthof
worktocareforEthan.Afterhe’dbeenreleasedfromthehospital,hewasstillconfinedtoawheelchair
andneededhelpwitheverydaypersonalcare.EthantriedtoconvinceHoldentohireanursetocome
andhelpout,butherefused.HoldenwantedtotakecareofhimandEthanhadlethim.

Whenhegothome,Ethanhadalsohadanendlessstreamofvisitors.Hisownparentshadstayed

fortwoweeks,afraidtoleavehimagain.ButaftertheysawhowwellHoldentookcareofhim,they
knewEthanwasingoodhands.

Carsoncamebyeveryday.ThelittleguyblamedhimselfforwhathadhappenedtoEthanandno

matterhowmanytimesEthantoldhimitwasn’thisfault,Carsonstillcarriedthatburden.Eversince
the cast had been removed from Ethan’s leg and he was able to walk on his own, Carson had gotten
better.CarsonhavingtohavewitnessedupclosewhathadhappenedtoEthanwashardontheboyand
nodoubtthatimagineofhimlyingonthegroundwasburnedintohismind,butEthanhadhopethatin
timeCarsonwouldgetpastthis.Ethandidn’tblamehimforanything.Ifanything,hethankedCarson.It

tookbeingrenderedunconscioustocometotermswiththelossofJay.

Hestillwasn’tsureifhehadactuallytalkedtoJaywhilehewasinhiscoma,orifitwasjusthis

subconsciousmindplayingtricksonhim.EitherwayEthanlikedtothinkthathereallydidspeakwith
Jay.ItwarmedhishearttoknowthatJaywasokayandhappyforhim.

TheonevisitorthatstoppedbytoseehimthatsurprisedhimthemostwasRyan.Theyoungman

showedupathisdooronemorning.Heapologizedforwhathadhappened.Thekidhaditinhismind
thatitwashisfault,too.Ryanhadstatedifhehadn’tthrownthatballashardashehad,Carsoncould
havecaughtitanditwouldn’thavegoneinthestreet.LikewithCarson,EthanexplainedtoRyanthatit
wasn’thisfault.Thatnoonecouldhavepredictedwhatwouldhavehappenedandthathedidn’tblame
him.ButhedidaskRyantobenicertoCarson.HisnephewneededabreakfromRyan’ssurlyattitude.

Ethan stepped out of the shower and got dressed. Tonight was a full moon and everyone had

plannedtomeettohavedinnerattheCarstenhouse,thengoofffortheirrun.

HeputonapairofsilkyblackboxersHoldenhadboughtforhim,thenpulledonapairofdark

bluejeans.HedecidedonadarkgraypoloshirtthatbelongedtoHolden.Ethanliftedthefabrictohis
nose and took a deep breath. The smell of Holden’s cologne was permanently implanted into the
material.He’dgottenusedtowearingHolden’sclotheswhenhewashome.Theywereclosetothesame
size so they had started to share everything except shoes. Ethan’s feet were two sizes larger than
Holden’s.

Oncehewasdressed,hewenttothebathroomanddriedhishair,thenstyledit.Hewasinneedof

ahaircut.Aftertheaccidenthedidn’thavetimeortheuseofbothhishandstodohishaireverydayso
hehadHoldentakehimtothebarbertogetamilitarybuzzcut.Holdenhadwincedasthefirstthick
blacklockfelltothegroundandEthanhadtopromisetoletitgrowoutagain.

“Hey,babe,youreadytogo?”Holdenaskedashecameintothebedroom.
Ethanlookeddownathiswatchandsawthatitwastwentypastseven.Theplanwastoarrivejust

as the sun was going down and the sky was lit with orange and reds. “Yeah, just give me one more
minute.”Holdennoddedhisheadandsteppedoutoftheroom.

Ethanwalkedovertohisdresserandfoundthelittleblueboxhehadhiddeninthere.Heopened

thelidandsawthesparkingplatinumbandshiningbackathim.Holdenwouldbesosurprised.Ethan,
withthehelpofAidenandSkyler,hadthewholethingplannedandhecouldn’twait.Holdenwouldbe
sosurprised.

“Let’s go, baby.” Ethan bent at the waist to kiss the top of Holden’s head. His mate sat on the

couchsettingtheDVRontheTV.“Don’twanttobelate.”

“Whyarewehavingdinnersolate?”HoldenstoodupandopenedthefrontdoorforEthan.“We

nevereatthislate.”

“I’mnotsure.”Ethanshruggedthenclimbedintothecar.HeturnedawayfromHoldentohidethe

smileonhisface.

“Youlooktobeinagoodmood.”HoldenreachedovertoresthishandonEthan’sthigh.
“Iam.”Ethanletthesmiletakeoverhisface.“It’sagooddaytobealive.”
“Everydaywithyouisgoodtobealive.”Holdensqueezedhisthigh.Holdenpulledupinfrontof

the Carsten house and parked. “The house is all dark.” Holden sat forward looking out the front
window.Hethenturnedtolookatthecarsparkedinfrontofthehouse.“Huh,that’sweird.”

“Comeon.”Ethangotoutofthetruckandwalkedaroundthefronttomeetandwalktogetherup

the front steps. “I’m sure they’re here somewhere. Probably out back.” Ethan’s hands began to shake
andhewasgladhisvoicedidn’tcomeoutallgarbled.Hewassonervous.

Thehousewasdarkandquiet.Ethanledthewayoutthebackdoor,ignoringHolden’squestions

as to where everyone was at. The sun sat right at the far end of the sky just over the trees. It gave a
goldenhuetothescenelaidoutbeforethem.JustlikeEthanhadplanned.

“Okay,what’sgoingonhere?”EthangrabbedHolden’shandwhenhestoppedwalking.Hepulled

himtowardthemiddleoftheyard.

Rightoncue,themusicstartedtoplay.Ithadtakensomeworkinstallingthesoundsystem,and

Viktorhadbitchedandmoanedtheentiretime,butfinallyhegotitworkingjustright.

“MarryMe”driftedsoftlyoverthespeakers.
“Whatthehell?”HoldenlookedbackatthehousethenspunbackaroundtoEthan.
Ethanwentdownononeknee.Ittakenweeksoftherapytofinallybeabletodojustthat.Itstill

stungbutthepainwasworthitjusttoseetheshockedlookonHolden’sface.HereachedforHolden’s
hand.

“ThefirsttimeIsawyouinthatbarwiththatcockygrinanddeterminationinyoureyes,IknewI

wasagoner.IknewI’dfoundthemanwhoI’dspendtherestofmylifewith.”

“Ethan.”Holden’svoicecrackedandEthancouldseethesheenoftearsglintinginhiseyes.
“Ittookmesometimetogetmyasswiththeprogram.”EthanchuckledandHoldenlaughedashe

noddedhishead.“ButIdid,andlookatustoday.Whowouldeverhavethoughtitwaspossibletofall
inloveinsuchashortamountoftime?Tofindyoursoulmateinabar,butIdid.NomatterhowhardI
ranfromyou,youalwayschasedmedown,andI’llspendtherestofmylifebeinggratefultoyoufor
notgivinguponme.”Ethanreachedintohispocket,thenheldupthebox.“HoldenAnders,wouldyou
domethehonorofmakingmethehappiestmanintheworldandmarryme?”Ethanheldhisbreathas
hewaitedforHoldentoanswer.

It felt like ages before Holden said, “Yes.” Holden fell to his knees in front of Ethan. “Yes, I’ll

marryyou.”

EthanslippedtheringonHolden’sfinger,thencuppedhishandsaroundHolden’sfaceandkissed

him.TheloveandpassionhefelttowardHoldenwoveitswayintoEthan’ssoul.

“Hesaidyes!”Ethanshoutedandalltheirfriendsandfamily,includingEthan’sparents,stepped

out of the woods. They had stayed hidden and watched him propose. Ethan and Holden loved all of
themsomuchhethoughtitwasonlyfittingtheywitnessthisspecialoccasion.

Everyonerushedforwardtocongratulatethem.TearsdrippedfromEthan’seyesandforthefirst

timeinalongtime,probablysincelosingJay,Ethankneweverythingwasgoingtobeokay.Hehadto
letgoofallhisworryofwhattomorrowwouldbringbecauseheneededtoliveinthehereandnow.He
hadtoliveeachdaytothefullestandshowlovetothosehecaredforbecausenooneknewhowmuch
timetheyhadhereontheearth.

“Comeon,everyone.”Skylerwavedeveryonetowardthehouse.“Let’scelebrate!”
When Ethan started toward the house, Holden’s grip on his hand stopped him. He arched his

brows at his fiancé. Boy he loved the sound of that, but would love calling Holden his husband even
better.

“Ethan Compton, you never cease to amaze me.” Holden wound his arms around Ethan’s neck.

“Thankyouforthis.”

“No,thankyouforlovingme.”EthancapturedHolden’slipsinagentlekissofsoftnipsandlicks.
“HowcouldInotloveyou?”Holdensmiled.“YoustolemyheartthefirstmomentIsawyou.I

didn’tstandachance.”

“Feeling’s mutual.” Ethan kissed Holden one more time. “Come on. Let’s go celebrate with our

family.” Holden nodded and they walked together hand in hand toward the house and toward their
future.

GettingoverthelossofJaywasanuphillbattle,butHoldenhelpedeasedtheburdenandgavehim

areasontolive.Ethanhadneverbeenhappier.Hewasengagedtoamanhelovedmorethanlifeitself
andwhocouldalsoturnintoawolf.Howmuchmoreexcitingcouldlifeget?Ethanwasn’tsure,buthe
couldn’twaittofindout.

THEEND

WWW.AJJARRETT29.BLOGSPOT.COM

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

AJ Jarrett currently lives in the Midwest with her husband and four children. A lover of M/M

romances, she has started writing her own stories for others to enjoy. She loves her characters to be
antagonistic toward one another but ultimately find their happy ever after. She believes love can be
found in the craziest of places, and a little humor along the way never hurt. To her, there’s nothing
sexierthantwomenfindingtheirsoulmateineachotherandfallinginlove.Whensheisn’tchasing
aroundherkids,shecanbefoundsittingonthecouchwithhertrustedlaptop,givinglifetothevoices
inherhead.

ForalltitlesbyAJJarrett,pleasevisit

www.bookstrand.com/aj-jarrett

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