Hard Fall

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Hard Fall

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Hard Fall

HARD FALL

Hard Fall

JAMES BUCHANAN

mlrpress
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the

author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons,
living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright 2009 by James Buchanan
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
Published by MLR Press, LLC 3052 Gaines Waterport Rd. Albion, NY 14411
Visit ManLoveRomance Press, LLC on the Internet: www.mlrpress.com
Cover Art by Deana C. Jamroz Editing by Maura Anderson Printed in the United States of America.
ISBN# 978-1-934531-82-2
First Edition 2009

Hard Fall

DEDICATION

Lots of people helped me with this book. Laura, my publisher, I sincerely am grateful that you didn’t

bust my balls when I turned in a novel instead of a novella. Thanks Shari for helping me dot the I’s and
cross the Ts. Reb, I appreciate you twisting my shorts so I stayed on track with Joe. And Papi, I wouldn’t
have gotten anywhere without you regularly kicking my ass on IM. Maura…you’ll make me actually sound
like a writer.

Most of all, I adore you SG, for your love, understanding, sanity and the insights of a former

missionary into the Church of Latter Day Saints. Thank you for not turning around and decking me when I
asked “would a Mormon say…” for the fiftieth time in an evening. I know, I made you read the whole
damn book and not just skim for the good parts…you’re a doll.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER ONE

Why was I here, sweating through my shorts and staring down that wiry piece of muscle and lean rear

end? I don't know why, 'cause maybe he's more trouble than he's worth. Pretty boys, city boys, they don't
do too well out here. The way he's tossing gear about, well, that's long work on a short task. Got more
stumble than sense. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks he’s fitting in. Expensive shades, cowboy hat and
jeans that had to have cost at least a hundred bucks riding low on a set of hips just a hair on the wrong
side of thin. His skin holds a warm shade of brown down deep. It ain’t the kind you get from too much
sun.

Everything I like all in one spit-start package. Not that I can afford to be all that picky; this is the high

country after all.

My beat covers more territory than some states are wide. All we got up here is cowboys and

Mormons. If your family ain't been around for at least three generations, you're new to the area. Don't even
get me started on the tourists.

My family, they walked outta Nauvoo, Illinois just ahead of the lynching parties and fled into Utah,

pushing handcarts. I'm born and bred local. And since I ain't a cowboy, that would mean I'm one of the
Latter Day Saints…at least in my heart I am. Some members of the Church, they might not see me so eye-
to-eye on that if they knew.

While I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't cuss, the first guy to mistake me for a pacifist got himself

into a world of hurt. My badge, this star…Garfield County Sheriff, one of the “Magnificent Seven.”
There’s only seven deputies for this whole county. Been here since I left the Corrections Department
where I worked the state pen in Cedar City. Got my first .22 when I was eight. Shot my first buck when I
was twelve. I can handle myself along with the best.

Except, maybe, doing what I was doing here now. Just watching.
Heck, the first time I saw him is like right on the top of my mind. I'd stopped by Ruby's Inn to get a

pop, standing along the porch, watching who’s coming in and who’s going out. Outta old man Harding’s
truck swings this kid. Anybody who’s got to ask how I knew it was old man Harding’s truck…they ain’t
never lived in a small town. Ruby’s is officially a township, population 182 or thereabouts. Panguich,
where the station is, hits around 1,600 with Tropic not quite a quarter of that. Both are on my beat. The
biggest city ‘round here is two hours and one county away. Cedar City, that’s big enough for two high
schools, a college campus and the state prison. Not hardly big enough to get lost in even if, like me, you
sometimes wanted to.

Why did he catch my eye? First off, he screamed city, but not in that overfed, treadmill kinda manner.

Naw, punk, in a way that sent all my cop senses running for the shotgun. Then one of those weekend biker
guys—all play bad-ass, with a twenty thousand dollar custom rod, who would dirty his drawers if the
wrong guy said boo—drifted by. The punk’s eyes focused in on the biker’s leather-clad butt. He watched
the guy walk by, and then he licked his lips in that slow I wanna be tasting a bit of that way.

Standing there watching him and swigging a root beer and I damn near spit it out. Man, oh man, I’ve

got my sites on a prime slab of twenty-something pretty-boy in tight jeans. Since it’d been nearly six
months since I’d even managed to score a hand job in Vegas, everything went south real fast. I could have
passed out from rapid blood loss then and there.

I know. I know. Gay and Mormon don’t cohabit very well. The Church has been wrong on other stuff,

seen the light and changed their ways…I’m hoping someday they’ll see the light on this issue. Can’t say
I’m holding my breath, though.

Let’s face it…God made me this way. The same way he made me a blue-eyed blond with a receding

hairline at twenty. Vanity…that convinced me to shave my head and beat my body into submission in the

gym. I don’t have any choice in wanting another guy’s meat.

If I coulda chose different, dear God I would have. I don’t need the load of baggage trying to justify

my faith with my body. A simple life with Molly-Mormon and a passel of kids would have been so much
easier. At least I had the stones to suck it up and not take someone else down into miserable with me. I’ve
kissed a few gals, never even got my pulse above a resting beat. The first guy who stuck his tongue down
my throat, I blew in my shorts.

So I saw him and I wanted him. I don’t think anyone can imagine how bad. And I stuck it in my pocket.

No sense messing with something like that, and likely he was just passing through anyhow. Then Jessie,
she works Ruby’s year-round, walks by and sees him.

Jessie smiled at me…she always does, ‘cause she’s got a kid out of wedlock and I’m past thirty and

ain’t never married so there’s potential there, she thinks. “Hey, Joe.” That big smile held a ton of hope
that made me cringe inside. “So, you keeping an eye on him?”

“What,” I managed to choke out, sneezing the foam back outta my nose, “city boy?” Of course, we

both knew we were talking about the new guy…what else is there to talk about in a small town?

Grabbing a spot of wall right next to me, she starts in with the gossip. “Yeah, I was talking to Page

and her momma, she says that Lena says he’s done time.” Then Jessie leaned real close and whispered,
“Federal time. You know, hard,” she winked, drawing out the word hard like she was anywhere near
sophisticated, “time.” I didn’t rise to the bait, but then I ain’t known around here for my sense of humor.
Apparently the story was too good to let it go. She kept yakking in that same somebody’s died tone. “He’s
Sandy Harding’s family, from the Stewart part. You know her sister just went loopy in the sixties, off in
California. Shacked up with this Indian guy…like, from India.” All three syllables got emphasis, guess so
I’d know she didn’t mean one of the local tribes…all them are cowboys too. “Well, he’s the grandson of
that part of Sandy’s tree. They say he don’t got much family now, so they did God’s work and took him in
when he got out. Goes down to Cedar City once a month to check in with the Parole Board.”

Okay, I’m looking at the hottest thing outside of a GQ model shoot. Everything I know says if he did

hard time, it was on his back, as the girl for some dude with a nick-name like Killer and prison tats on
every inch of skin. But honestly, I’m not getting that vibe. There is a coiled restlessness lurking in that
body. He’s a rattlesnake. All so pretty and calm. But he won’t but give you two second’s warning before
he buries his fangs in your thigh.

I did not need that level of problem. Kept telling myself that, hoping I’d believe it through sheer

repetition.

It took me damn near a month to figure out I was doing it. Driving by, keeping an eye on him, and not

in the cop kinda way. Instead of grabbing a sandwich at the little shop in Panguitch, I’d take the extra half-
hour and drive on in to Tropic. I did a drop by at the Parole Board and talked with his officer…you know,
just to keep tabs on the element on my beat. That’s what I told myself anyhow. I can lie to myself with the
best of them.

Then I got the call. Call from Taylor Harding, the old man. Noreen gave me the message. For fifteen

minutes, my gut went cold. Finally, I steeled myself and rang him back. Sandy’d answered with something
bright and bubbly.

“Heya, Sandy, its Deputy Joseph Peterson. T called me.” People either called Taylor “Old Man

Harding” or “T.” Just depended on who you were talking to and how you knew him. I worked his ranch in
high school. A lot of us are cowboys too. The divide is more of a function of which pew you park your
rear in come Sunday morning and nobody really cares much until you start talking water rights and who’s
been here longer. “He around?”

“Naw, Joe, he’s off at the back end of the ranch right now.”
“Know when he’ll be back?” I spun a pencil in my hand. What I really wanted to ask was how their

new hand was fairing and if he really liked guys or was it just a habit he developed behind bars. None of

that went past my lips. “Do you know why he called?”

“Home past supper, but, yeah, I know what he wanted.”
I waited for a bit, and then a bit more. “You gonna tell me or do I got to guess it?”
“Sorry,” her laugh hit that nervous hiding something cord. “I’m thinking how to put it. You know my

sister’s grandson is here.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make the rounds.”
“Well, look, T and I got to go into Arizona for some business. Looking at maybe picking up a new

bull. And, well, Kabe is gonna be around by himself. The hands are here, but nobody to really watch out
for him.” She pronounced his name like Gabe with a K…I’d only seen his name written and had guessed
wrong based on last name: Varghese. I’d probably bungle that one over my tongue, too. “You mind
swinging by a few times and just keeping an eye on things?”

“Any particular reason you’re concerned? You okay with him there?” That little vision of the

rattlesnake came back, shaking all the warning bells.

“Ah, we’re fine. Kabe’s a good kid. He went to prison for a prank.” Free-climbing a federally-owned

dam with enough E in your pack to fly a football team ranked slightly higher than a prank in my book…
possession with intent to distribute. It also qualified as damn stupid. She minimized, like family tends to,
“It was a mistake. And he’s doing good here. But, there’s a few of the good ol’ boys around who think,
well, that they can get some shine on their buckle…”

“Getting hassled is he?”
“Some. Not big.” More minimizing. My guess, any loser who thought they needed a bit of bank in

taking on an ex-con was pushing his buttons to see if Kabe’d bite. “Most of them won’t press it ‘cause T’s
around. But you know these guys. We were thinking that maybe if they heard Joe Peterson was looking out
after him, they might think twice before starting something.”

I didn’t owe the Hardings anything…and I owed ‘em everything. That’s the way life works up here. “I

could manage it.”

“We owe you.”
“No you don’t.” Please don’t tell me I’m doing something special. All I wanted was an excuse to

drive by the Harding Ranch and take a gander at lean, brown and sexy. “Heck, keeping the peace is what I
do.”

“You’re a good kid, Joe. How come some nice girl hasn’t just snatched you up yet?” She teased. “I

hear Jessie Dane thinks highly of you.”

“She’s a sweet girl.” I tried damn hard not to gag on that statement. “Don’t think she’d really be able

to fit in my kinda life.”

“You keep thinking like that, you’re going to find yourself a lonely old man.”
“Someday. Just haven’t found the right person yet.”
That was a few days back, and it hadn’t been any skin off my teeth to make it ‘round like I promised—

near every day. So that’s why I was leaning against the grill of my patrol car, watching lean and sexy
screw up feeding the stock. Long way ‘round to get back to here, but I got to start it somewhere.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER TWO

Now I’d like to say that I was there because I realized he was the one and only for me, or I’d

overcome my inhibitions and was gonna hit him up for a date at the local Ward’s annual pancake
breakfast, or even just I was hoping for a blow job. Nope, it was day three of my unofficial babysitting
gig.

The call had come in.
A German tourist and his wife went off for a bit of free climbing on private land. One Kabe Varghese,

closest thing to an owner of the Harding place, told them they could camp. Pretty in line with what T
would do. He and Sandy, well, you seem decent and promise to pack your trash, they’d give you a few
days’ privileges.

There’s some pretty impressive walls on the Harding property. Some vertical faces that’d make a

boulderer cream his jeans. ‘Cause T knows me, well, the volunteer canyon rescue squad has access to
some of the hairier spots. Once a month we meet up—a rag-tag group of volunteer firefighters, off-duty
law enforcement, some National Parks staffers, plus a few adrenaline junkies. Breakfast at T’s then we
spend the rest of the day taking controlled nose-dives off cliffs while attached to ropes.

This pair, they’d come to camp and climb. Kabe, who I was beginning to think of as my personal

piece of eye-candy, had ridden up partway with them. From what Jessup, T’s main hand, said, Kabe
wanted some time off by himself without everyone looking over his shoulder, or one big country cop
nosing around. A tent on the back forty… I guess you take what you can get when you need to get away.
The Good Lord knows I often just take what I can get.

The couple showed as Kabe was loading up the ATV for an anticipated two days of roughing it. All

kitted out and with high-tech mountain bikes, they’d followed his four-wheeler along the trail to a parting
point. Nice and quiet, they’d bunked down miles apart from each other for a night on the mountain.
Morning, like it does darn near every day ‘round here, broke fresh and full of God’s smile.

And that’s where everyone’s stories started going to hell.
Little before nine, the call’d come in from the Harding Ranch. Kabe Varghese, according to dispatch,

reported that someone had fallen and Noreen put out the word. I’d had barely enough time running out of
the house to grab my climbing gear and make it to Old Man Harding’s by ten. Fred from the NPS, another
one of the canyon rescue squad, was headed over. He couldn’t climb though…messed up his hand a week
back.

Rodrigo and Jessup had been called in to California on a wildfire detail. Jack’s wife was in Salt Lake

on a retreat, so he had their seven kids. I told him to sit on it. If we needed him, he wasn’t a far piece up
the road and we could call. The rest hadn’t been reached yet. Noreen kept working on it for me. I'd set it
up so Kabe’d meet whoever I could round up at the ranch and lead us back to the scene.

Rickland, who had a chopper and a permit for those aerial tours through Bryce Canyon, took his bird

up and sighted off the scene. In between Noreen’s updates from Kabe, Rickland’s daughter fed me the
details of terrain, weather and layout over the radio as I drove up the mountain. A female victim lay a
good seventy plus feet down from the rim where a ledge jutted along the canyon wall. No movement when
the helicopter did its passes. Head, from what Rickland could see, twisted at an angle, and the flattening
of the chest and skull, wide staring eyes, didn’t look good. The whole bowed back and folded over on
herself added another layer of confirmation.

From what it sounded like, this was a body recovery, not a rescue. With that kinda damage, if she’d

survived the fall, the wait while we were notified probably finished her off. I didn’t want to think it was
hopeless. There’s always a little voice saying maybe in the back of my mind and whispering rush, ‘cause
it’s amazing what the human body can tolerate. Still, I didn’t bust any speed limits getting out there.

So far I was the only sworn officer to show. Everyone else was on their way to our little party, mine

and Kabe’s. Suited me enough to have a little time just to be near him, in another twenty minutes or less
we’d be overrun. I waited, mentally sorted through the things that needed sorting, and watched Kabe fight
with a hay bale, trying to break it for the horses, and I smiled.

On days like this, take your humor where you find it. Any good hand knew that you flaked a sheaf off,

shook out the dust and then tossed it in the feeder. And a little was always better than a lot at one go.
Yeah, you had to feed more often, but a working animal foundering on too much food—not something any
ranch needed to deal with.

“You might want to break that into a couple flakes.” For that I got a dirty look. Carlos, T’s other full-

time hand, just watched like he thought Kabe might shoot all the horses and blame it on him. I shrugged.
“Just saying.” At least Kabe worked. Couldn’t fault him there. Didn’t need to be told, just jumped in when
he saw Carlos dragging over the hay.

“’Cause you know all about horses?” Boy, that tone was snide. “Or you just like hassling me, just

because?”

Attitude rolled off him like the delicious smell of his skin under the sun. I couldn’t blame him much.

“Maybe.” What it had to look like: big, beefy cop coming ‘round every day, checking up. The con in him
likely figured I was fishing for an excuse to bust him back. Not like there weren’t guys who’d do that.

Me, I just wanted to bust him, bareback, tied to a pipe fence with his rear in the air and those

expensive jeans around his ankles. Hey, if I’m going for fantasy, might as well go whole hog.

Carlos copped a gap tooth grin and spit his chaw. Nasty habit, but the man was older than dirt, so you

couldn’t tell him nothing. Worked for T’s pa before he worked for T. Carlos drawled out, “Joe knows a
bit about horses.”

Kabe snorted and tossed another solid quarter bale into the feeder. It landed with a ringing chung of

hollow pipe and lodged in the slot. “Shit!” The curse grated with anger and humiliation. No one wanted
someone else to be right…least of all a cop.

God saved me from a pissing contest with the crunch of rocks on the dirt road. Small miracles are

how He shows us He loves us. I looked over my shoulder and down the way. Two four-wheel drives
headed up the drive. One vehicle, well if you washed it it’d be white with a bright green stripe along the
side…that’d be Fred with the law enforcement ranger he said he'd bring; Smokey the Bear hats and all.
The second vehicle, an old Toyota Land Cruiser, didn’t look like anything special, but I knew it.
Belonged to Ramon Piestewa, the local Bureau of Land Management contact. I had to give myself grief
over the fact that I can pronounce a Hopi surname and not figure out Kabe’s. Guess it’s just a function of
where I grew up.

Lots of agencies for our little party, but the general locale where the fall occurred could have been

anywhere near three jurisdictions. Part of the Harding Ranch was private land, some of it leased from
BLM, and many of the bluffs overlooked the National Park Service territory. No matter who eventually
got the case, I would play nice since my patrol car wouldn’t ever make it back where we need to go. I
needed a ride out…and, more important, one back.

Fred clambered out of the NPS pickup, hand still in a brace, and pushed the broad brim of his hat up.

A wry smile flashed as he raised the black-wrapped wrist in mock salute. “Hey, Joe.” He ambled over,
waving at the other park service employee. “This here’s Nadia Slokum, one of our law enforcement
rangers.”

“Howdy.” Nadia reminded me of a polecat. Small, sleek and ornery as all get out. The kind of woman

who would smile sweetly as she ripped your arm out of your socket and beat ya with it. “Joe Peterson,
Garfield County Sheriff.” I held out my hand, prepared to yank it back if she seemed about to bite it off.
“Don’t reckon we’ve met before.”

“Naw.” The grip that took mine was rock solid and full of work calluses. Up close, enough gray

streaked her hair to put her probably well past forty. Hard to tell though with people who lived their life
outdoors; sun made them older, fresh air kept them younger than most city folk. “Transferred in from
Everglades, worked the Trace, Alcatraz and Andersonville before that.” NPS people always prefaced
who they were by where in the system they’d been. “Certainly, not as flat as I’m used to.” She snorted as
she dropped the shake. It came off efficient, not rushed. “Spent the first few days feeling like I was
walking on a slant. Since I hadn’t tied one on and didn’t run a fever, figured it must have been altitude
sickness. Didn’t realize how high it is up here.”

I always liked people who copped to being human. “Yeah, elevation’ll get to you if you ain’t

prepared.” I smiled and pushed the dust around with my heel. “Doesn’t usually last more than a couple
days.”

The whiny protest of a misused door screeched across the morning. All of us, even the stock, swung

our heads to stare as Ramon clambered out of his truck. Folding the bill of his BLM cap in his hand like a
taco shell, he adjusted the angle to shade his eyes. I swear he’d been wearing the same damn cap since I’d
met him years back. “So who gets to claim it?” Trust ol’ Ramon to bring it up in that halting, rolling take
on English he had.

“Little early to be arguing about jurisdiction,” Fred scratched under the edge of his brace, “don’t you

think?”

“Never too early to establish what protocol governs.” Ramon acted like it meant nothing to him. All of

us, even the new gal, could spot what utter hooey that act was. BLM had the most acreage and the fewest
personnel ‘round these parts. They always wanted to land on top of the pile. Ramon cottoned to the top of
the top, and sometimes didn’t much care how he got there.

Politics…get more than two people together and it becomes a problem.
“Well, I can cut it short.” There’s problems and then there’s problems. I was never much for messing

in ol’ Ramon’s head. “I figure there’s three of you and only one of me…we’ll let the Fed control until we
know for sure. Plus one of y’all has to give me a ride in, so I figure I’m the beggar here.”

That earned me snorts all around. “Okay then.” Nadia’s drawl held a flavor real similar but not at all

like any of those around her. “Well, then you’re riding with BLM.” It took me a hair to realize she didn’t
know Ramon’s name. “I don’t think we could squeeze you in between the two of us.” That once up and
down I got was of someone who appreciates what she sees but didn’t have any compunctions to go play
with it. “How many people you got in those shoulders, boy?” Suited me fine. After all, I worked out to be
noticed. Had to take what came under those circumstances…so long as she didn’t try and get my phone
number.

Ramon sniffed like an old woman. “Guess that means I got to clean out my seats. Who’s this Kabe

character who brought the news out? He coming too?”

“Lest you want to be driving in circles.” I jerked my chin toward where Kabe fought with breaking

that wayward feed out of the chute not a few feet away. He’d crawled up on the back to try and get at it.
“Kabe, you gotta take us back. You figure you can find it?”

His grunt called me stupid, though his words were polite enough. “Pretty sure I can.” Hopping off the

lip of the feeder, he jammed his hands in his pockets and shrugged. Little trickles of sweat, visible through
his open shirt front, etched the line of his collar and ran along his jaw.

“Fine.” I had to steel myself something awful to keep from licking my lips. Lord Almighty, what that

skin would taste like. “You’ll ride out with Ramon and me.”

Another shrug was followed by a disinterested, “Whatever.” How hard did he have to study to

manage that, I wonder?

Nadia clucked the roof of her mouth with her tongue. “Fred, why don’t you check in with your search

and rescue team?” She spoke over her shoulder, heading back to the NPS truck. “See if anyone else is on
their way. I’ll dig out the maps and EMS stuff from the back.” For a second she paused and smiled back at

us. “Haven’t even had a chance to look over the gear I inherited.”

Kabe glared at their backs as they all walked away. Once they were out of earshot, he turned on me.

What I rated was only slightly less poisonous. “You let them walk all over you and just caved.” His face
was tight and sour. It made him look like a pouty kid.

“Who cares?” I mimicked his shrug and jammed my hands in my pockets. “It’s all police procedure.”

Studying the sky gave me a chance to put the thoughts into words. “See, it doesn’t matter if my badge
number is above or below the date on the evidence bag. Or whether we use yellow or red stickers. So
long as everything’s logged, I’m fine. It’s not worth a jurisdictional pissing match.”

“Yeah, but you lost the first battle, they know now that you’re a pushover.” Hmm, now that was

interesting. Somehow I’d made the leap from the guy giving the hassle to the guy getting hassled. Maybe it
was because they were all Feds and I was local law. ‘Bout the only thing I could think of that might span
that divide.

I grinned. Kabe hadn’t been here long. Local politics, well it’s a fine art. “Possession is nine-tenths of

the law. You, of all people, should know that one.”

“Huh?”
Since he seemed to be having fits with the concept, I laid it out for him. Slowly. “Fred can’t climb,” a

jerk of my head toward the Ranger’s truck, “none of the others know how,” and then back indicating the
mountains. “I go down to the body, then it’s my scene. Don’t matter who thinks they’re in charge.” The
sight of his eyes going fish wide gave me chuckles. When it wound out of my system, I asked, “By the
way, you have gear? I mean here?”

“Gear?” This boy was slow on the uptake sometimes.
“Yep.” I hoped it was just ‘cause he was out of his element, not that he suffered stupid. Stupid could

get you killed out on a face. “Climbing gear, I understand you know how. I wouldn’t think that you’d come
up into God’s staircase without it.”

Figured I needed to clarify that we’d do this old school, traditional climbing, not freestyle stunts like

the one that landed Kabe in the pen. “And, I’m talking trad gear, hot shot. This is S&R, not free sport
solo.”

“Yeah.” He stared at me. “I got the medieval crap.”
Like pulling taffy through a sieve. “Get it.” It came out as more of a growled order than I would have

liked. Not much to be done once the words were spoken, though.

“Why?”
Shaking my head, I went back over the not so fine details. “Because Fred can’t climb, the other two

are damn near useless, none of the rest of the Search and Rescue team is available and I ain’t stupid
enough to go down a wall by myself.” With the pressure of my thumb, I pushed my class-b Stetson, the
dirty-white western style, back on my head. While I might go summer weight with short sleeves and straw
cowboy hat, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the kelly green polo and baseball cap we could use as an
alternate. No criminal in their right mind took you seriously if you looked like you were headed out for a
round of golf.

“Actually, I can go down plenty easy, it’s the coming back up, hauling a body, that takes two.”

‘Course I was probably going to have to strip down to my undershirt. I didn’t like exposing it ‘cause it’s
the temple garment with the tiny slashed symbols on my pecs. It’s ugly as all sin, which I guess is its
purpose…promoting modesty and all. But my uniform shirt, besides looking like a renegade from a St.
Patrick’s Day parade, had too many flaps and pins and patches to rest in a harness well. My tan pants
would just have to do.

Kabe glared some more. Boy had enough piss in him for twenty. I kept it neutral, not letting him know

how much the heat in those eyes got me going. I’d like nothing better than to tap into that restless passion,
just to see how deep it went. Instead, I prodded a different direction. “You gonna stand there with your

finger up your butt,” just ‘cause I don’t cuss don’t mean I can’t be crass, “or you gonna make yourself
useful?” Long seconds of silence ticked off the clock and then Kabe turned on his heel and stalked back
towards the main house. Well, please and thank you must’ve been in short supply ‘round him.

A cough let me know Fred stood a pace or so back off my shoulder. “What are you doing, Deputy?”

Sometimes I think Fred guessed at things others might just leave be. Not that I minded much. Fred might
take a jab now and again, but he ain’t never done it ‘round anyone ‘cept me and him.

I rolled my hip a bit so that I could look at him without really moving much. “What you on about?”
“Well, if I didn’t know better, Joe,” his grin cracked his face in a fair imitation of drought-parched

clay as he ambled over. “I’d say the country boy in you was up to something.”

“Well, Fred, I wouldn’t have to be up to something, if you hadn’t mucked up your hand like a moron.”

My snort carried all the grief he’d gotten for weeks on how it happened. No glamorous yanking a kid off
the rim or wrestling a coyote barehanded, …naw, Fred sprained it catching a regulatory manual as it
dropped off a shelf. “Nobody else is in earshot.” Not that I’d radioed Noreen to check recently, but Fred
didn’t jump in and correct me. Sorta hoped that Fred found my dispatcher had struck out, since I didn't
really want anyone else but Kabe to help. “Jack’s got his hands full.”

Crossing his arms, Fred joined me in holding up the front end of my car. “Uh-huh.” Layers of syrup

flowed off his drawl.

Uncomfortable with the predatory silence, I felt compelled to fill it up with excuses. “T asked me to

keep an eye on the kid. I figure he should make himself useful.” Same thing that got most suspects in hot
water. Still, couldn’t stop myself.

“Uh-huh.” Fred scratched his free arm with the back of his brace.
“You know he’s got a record.” Small town, small ranger station…everybody knew everything about

anyone new within days. ‘Cept maybe Ramon. People didn’t much trust BLM. People didn’t much trust
Ramon; had a habit of shooting off his mouth, repeating everything that ever hit his ears. “Kid can climb
though. Real adrenaline junkie stuff. Could put some of

those sport climbers we have to pull off the hoodoos to shame.”
He let me stew in my half-truths for a while. “Uh-huh.”
“You know,” I growled in the same tone I got when I thought people were leading me on, “that not

quite word you keep using is really grating on my nerves.”

“I just have to tuck a few burrs under your saddle now and again.” He bumped my shoulder with his.

“Can’t let Deputy Joe Peterson get all high and mighty.” With a grunt he stood and stretched. “And,” I got
a full dose of Fred’s knowing too much smile, “that ex-con is long past kid. Don’t you be fooling yourself
there and making up justifications for your own mind.” My mouth wasn’t half open to deny it when Fred’s
black glare shot me down. “Never cared one way or another, never had cause to say nothing. There’s a
deep load of angry in there, Joe. I don’t want to see you get hurt when it all comes boiling out.” Reaching
out, popping my shoulder with his fist, he took some of the sting out of his words. “Lot of people respect
Deputy Joe. Hate to see that go down ‘cause you couldn’t resist playing with a silk-coat varmint.”

The slam of the big front door jerked our attention. Kabe dropped down the front steps. A Mana

harness, pretty much as stripped down as you could get and still be considered traditional climbing gear,
dangled from one hand. Ropes, pack and much abused rock shoes were slung on his back. Kabe’d
switched out of his jeans into a set of battered climbing shorts and high-tech sleeveless shirt. Damn
stretch material didn’t hide much. And with light-colored fabric across brown skin, every fine feathering
of muscle stood out under the sun. Lifting weights was one of the few pastimes granted to inmates and
Kabe’d apparently used his time to hone his body to climbing perfection. There wasn’t enough fat to keep
a coyote warm on his frame.

Lord, maybe this was the king of all bad ideas.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER THREE

Ramon’d managed to shove enough junk aside for Kabe to squeeze in the back and me in the front. The

man must carry his entire life around with him. There was hardly room for my feet under the dash. I
shifted and slung my arm over the back of my seat. Kabe, knees slung out wide, elbow pitched on the open
window, stared out at the passing meadows.

I took him in for a moment, indulged myself… tortured myself. From my position, I had a straight shot

right into his package. Those painted on climbing shorts didn’t leave much to the imagination. Finally, I
remembered why my bones were being shook apart in Ramon’s dodgy four-wheel drive. “Why don’t you
tell me what happened?” Deputy Joe slid down onto my mind and told me to ignore how tight my own
pants were.

Kabe rolled his head and gave me a blank-faced stare. I recognized that look from when I worked

state corrections. It didn’t say “I’m cooperating,” but it didn’t say “I ain’t cooperating,” neither. Mostly
what it did say was “Don’t get me beat.”

“Starting when?”
For a second I thought about writing this down. With how the SUV pitched through the ruts, even if I

managed to hit the paper with the pen, I wouldn’t be able to decipher my hen scratch. “Let’s start from
when you first saw the Warners.” I’d get a formal statement later. Right now I wanted a version so I could
compare it to any other versions I might hear.

With a shrug, Kabe returned to staring out the window. “Well, two days ago, in the morning, pretty

early, I ran into these two people on their mountain bikes.” I had to strain a bit to hear him over the
window noise. Ramon’s truck didn’t have air. “Not literally. But I was at the gas station near one of the
campgrounds getting the cans filled for the four-wheeler. They pulled in to use the can and get some food.
The guy, Gunter, spoke pretty good English. His wife, Anya, not so much.”

Kabe shifted again, resting his head on the doorframe, like he didn’t have the energy to hold it up and

look at me at the same time. “Anyway, I noticed they had some gear with them and we started talking
climbing. They asked if I knew any good places to camp and hike. They’re really more boulderers than
actual climbers, you know.” That brief moment he cracked a smug not-quite grin. Oh yeah, I knew that
pride. The pecking order of mountain jockeys. No gear and jumping from rock to rock rated less than no
gear and hanging from your fingers off a 400-foot drop. “The chick was really into photographing stuff,
she had a real nice camera set up. I told them, actually Gunter because Anya was taking photos all over
the place, about some trails at the back end of the property.”

“Okay.”
Messing with the bottom of his shorts, running his fingers between fabric and skin, Kabe retreated

from that one spark of interest into the flat I-don’t-care guise. “So Gunter starts complaining about all the
people at the campground they’re at and that they really just wanted to be away, have a peaceful outdoors
vacation. Seemed real, I don’t know, adamant about it.” He shook his head as if banishing the thought.
“They’re like every German I ever met on a wall; closet naturalists, you know? So, I told them I was
going to go camping and do some soloing on one of the faces on T’s property, to get away myself.”

“Completely by yourself?” I shouldn’t have pushed into the story. Good way to hink up someone’s

recollection. Still, a little part of me snapped up with worry. Guess I’m a little too cautious sometimes.
“That’s dicey.”

“Done it a lot. No biggy.” Didn’t even get a shrug with that response. “And it’s not a terrible pitch.

More for getting back up to speed.” His words minimized, his body didn’t even react.

Maybe Frank was right. Could be Kabe was so broke, so angry he’d lost his reactions. Seen that

happen in cons before. It knocked you flat, how quick institutionalization happened for some. Big words I

learned working the joint: institutionalization, desensitization, poor impulse control. Most just meant
“convict” in fancy language. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“No problem.” Again it was delivered flat. Well, maybe this was for the best. If there weren’t nothing

but eye-candy to Kabe, I’d be off the kick soon enough. “So he asks if maybe I can show him the place or
if they could camp for a night just to be away. I mean, they said they’d paid for their spot, but one night
completely in the wilderness, not a developed campsite. And I know T’s said yes a couple times since
I’ve been up here. So, I told them I thought it would be okay. I gave them directions and told them to meet
me at the ranch yesterday morning.”

While I did the mental filing routine, I mumbled, “I assume then they made it.” A nothin’ statement,

just to break the words into smaller chunks of information.

“Yeah. Rode their mountain bikes in as I was loading up the ATV. Probably hit the place around

tenish. Anya had the camera out the moment she got off her gold bike, taking pictures of everything.” A
fleeting, not much of anything, sidewise grin flashed over his face. “Me, the ranch house, flowers
sprouting out of the gravel and shit. She showed me her set up. Digital SRS, nice professional-quality
camera. Already filled up two SD cards on the trip, said she owned a photo studio, if I heard her right.
We headed out the ranch road for a while, back toward the bluffs. Passed a family fishing and talked with
them a bit. We were stopping every fifteen minutes so Anya could take photos. Irritated Gunter. He kept
getting more and more pissed, like he had someplace to be.”

“Chafing?”
“I guess. I kinda liked it, you know, taking time. If I’d just been by myself, I’d have just blasted

through on the wheels. It made me slow down and take it in a little more, you know?”

“Okay, so you’re heading out, stopping here and there.” I repeated it more for my own recollection

than to prompt Kabe. “Gunter’s chomping at the bit to get himself relaxed. Then what happens?”

“We got to the base of that rise up ahead.” He pointed between two pine-covered hills cut by a pass

of streams and pasture. Just beyond them a craggy, torn section of mountain reared up. “I was gonna head
around to the north end, maybe another two miles, to the face I wanted to climb. I told them to keep on the
road and at about four miles they’d see a pine growing out of the top of a boulder with a path. If they took
that, it’d take them up to a bluff with a nice camp spot that overlooked the park.”

“Y’all parted at the fork then. When was the next time you saw them?”
“Well, that afternoon I did the face twice. It’s like a 5.3.” Now a little flush seeped onto his cheeks

and down his neck. “Not as scenic, at least from day-packer’s perspective.” Climber pride—a face you
could do twice in a day didn’t rate real high and a 5.3 was nothing…the Yosemite scale started at 5.0 and
went through 5.15 on rating how difficult a face was to climb. “It really isn’t much, but there are some
stretches and reaches, you know, to limber up. Chin-ups aren’t the same as pushing your body up a rock
with your toes.”

With those words, life seemed to pump into Kabe. Not a lot. Just enough to tell that this was

something he enjoyed. Not the recounting of his day, but the climb. “Okay, got it.”

“I camped there, then packed up before the sun was up. The whole night was quiet. I was going to go

farther in, to a 5.6 point pitch, you know, easy enough to get my center back. I thought I should swing by
Gunter and Anya’s and check in.” He shrugged and tapped the window frame. “Something just told me to.
So I’m maybe halfway up that trail and I run into Gunter coming down. He was acting all freaked out and
said that Anya fell. I’m thinking, shit there goes my weekend, ‘cause I’m going to have to haul some
German tourist back with a broken leg.”

“Wasn’t a broken leg.” The comment didn’t need saying, but I said it all the same. Reminding myself

we were out for someone who wasn’t coming home.

“No, no broken leg. He jumps on the ATV with me, takes me up and over past their camp. He’s telling

me, actually yelling it into my ear so I can hear, that Anya took off to photograph the sunrise over the park.

When she didn’t come back for breakfast he goes looking and finds her.”

“When do you think this was?” That question I had to ask. Needed times, even if they weren’t solid.

“When you first ran into him on the trail?”

“About eightish.”
“Sunup was around six,” Ramon, for the first time, broke in, “maybe a little after.” I’d plumb well

forgotten he was there. Made no more sense than a rabbit at a wolf convention since he was driving, but
my mind does that sometimes.

“Yeah,” Kabe mumbled, “about then. Why?”
“Nothing, keep going.”
“Well, we had to leave the ATV at one point. He’s telling me to hurry. Maybe with both of us we can

haul her out. Save her. He hustles me over to the rim. One look, and I knew it was over.”

“How so?”
“Most people’s heads don’t face their spine.” A little twitch flicked at the corner of Kabe’s eye. No

more reaction than that, though. “Broken neck, completely twisted around, you know?”

“Bad then?”
“Brutal way to die.” He drifted off for a moment, just staring at nothing. “I tried my cell, but the

reception is crap out here. I told Gunter to come back with me. He wouldn’t leave her.” The tiniest shake
of his head told me he didn’t really understand. “Shit, man, he had to know she was dead. A half-blind
monkey would know she was dead. I think it was starting to sink in. He got real calm looking down there.
So I headed back toward the ranch. Wasn’t until I hit the spot where we met the people fishing that I got
any reception. That would have been close to nine-thirty, maybe ten I think. Called. Got back to the ranch
and waited for you guys.”

“Doing chores?” Whoa Nelly, Ramon’s tone was snide. I never pulled my emotions into an interview.

Didn’t serve no purpose and just got interviewees all defensive.

“Might as well.” Kabe didn’t rise. Prisoners learned that early, too. Don’t let nothing rile you, ‘cause

you can’t do nothing about it. “Kept me from thinking about it, you know?” For the first time during the
ride, Kabe moved more than just an inch or so. He leaned forward against the back of Ramon’s seat and
pointed out the windshield. A house-sized boulder listed across the dirt road a couple miles ahead. Like a
party favor, a lone pine tree jutted from the center of the stone. The mountain we headed towards loomed
not too much farther than that. Distance though, up here, could really spin your head ‘round. “You’ll want
to turn there. Truck’s not going to make it all the way up. Trail gets real narrow about the second bend.”

The rest of the ride I spent chewing on what Kabe’d said…grinding it down to a good set of

assumptions that might be subject to change at any given moment. The facts were only the facts until
something told you different. A few miles up, Ramon parked in the middle of the trail…wasn’t like there
was a side to move off onto. Fact, we’d probably have to back out just to find a turn around. As I swung
out the passenger side, Fred and Nadia came to a halt just in back of us.

Nadia Slokum slid out of the Park Service truck and ambled up toward me. “Meant to ask you, we

going to wait for the coroner?”

“Naw, not really.” I snagged my hat outta Ramon’s seat and snorted. “The coroner ‘round these parts,

he don’t do field work much, runs one of the funeral parlors in Panguitch.” When he did that even. We’d
had good, we’d had bad and right now we had a guy who preferred boating in the Caribbean. I slammed
the door and shrugged. “Pretty much if it looks dead, he calls it dead…and he waits for some doctor to
tell him why. We’ve got to ask him for an inquest when we think there might be cause to.” I smiled as I
settled the Stetson on my head. “Anyhow, Fred’s got a couple disposable body bags in the truck, right?”

“Yeah,” he held up a set of yellow pouches, “and I snagged the collapsible back-country stretcher and

a Reeves Sleeve. If the corpse is in full rigor you’ll probably just have to stuff it in the sleeve and haul it
out as a ball.”

“Depending on time of death… well, Kabe says she looked pretty done for ‘round nine or so. That’s

maybe three to four hours and it’s been pretty cool up here. She might still be pretty loose. I’ll take both.”

Fred nodded. “I’ll get ‘em out of the back.” Leaning into the back of the pickup, he began shifting gear.
“So, you and me,” Nadia stepped closer, “who’s playing good cop?”
I considered her with one eyebrow raised. “Good cop?” If I didn’t think she was half teasing, I’d have

been worried.

“Yep, good cop, bad cop.” She smiled. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to go crossways with this woman.
“Well,” settling into a wide leg stance, I looked up the trail and thought a bit, “if he were local, I’d

say I’d play good cop as the insider, but why don’t we go with your nice southern charm?”

Kabe’d made it out of Ramon’s truck and ambled over. “Why are you talking like he’s a suspect or

something?”

I took my gear from Fred. He’d thrown mine in the back of their truck. Who knew what would happen

if I’d put it in the pit Ramon called a vehicle. Shouldering my pack, I answered, “’Cause he is.”

“But,” Kabe shrugged into his own rack, “his wife fell.”
“That’s what he told you.” As I started up the trail, I kept talking. I could hear Ramon’s grumbles

about not much of anything. Kabe and I had our gear, Fred packed the emergency equipment and Nadia
soldiered on in an altitude she wasn’t used to. “And that very well may have happened. But in situations
like this, you treat it like a crime until you’re sure it’s not. Much easier to go back to a guy and say, ‘sorry
for the inconvenience, y’all understand though, it’s just procedure,’ rather than having to haul your butt
back out to a scene, find

evidence and locate witnesses if it turns out five days from now not to be an accident.”
“Oh.”
“So, Sugar,” Nadia kept a good pace, staying pretty much in step with me. Given how much longer my

legs were than hers, I was suitably impressed. “We treat everyone as a suspect, everything as a crime
until we know better.”

For a while Kabe trudged along in silence. Finally, he mumbled out, “Everyone?”
“Everyone who had any connection.” I nodded, “Yep, that means you.”
“Then why do you want me to help you get the body? Is that a little strange, having a suspect help

you?”

“If there was another way, I’d take it. You’ll have to do ‘cause we ain’t got better.” I grinned. “I ain’t

gonna let you touch anything, anyhow.”

He sped up. “Gee thanks.”
I guess he didn’t like my faint praise. “No problem.” I called to Kabe’s back. If that wounded him,

Kabe could darn sure get over it. ‘Course it was hard to see anything getting under that boy’s skin.

The rest of the hike he stayed a bit ahead. Nadia, Fred and I kept together and, after I’d filled them in

on Kabe’s version, we yawed about other rescues that weren’t so ill-fated as this. Ramon struggled
somewhere behind us. Nadia looked back a couple of times, but since Fred and I didn’t seem concerned, I
guess she let it slide. If I’d actually thought the man was having problems keeping up, I’d have dropped
back. But Ramon liked his drama. He wanted us all to understand just how much he suffered for his job.
When Ramon wasn’t the center of attention he was planning how to get to be.

The center of my attention… that was ten feet ahead and wrapped in faded blue climbing shorts. Every

muscle flexed as he hiked, the etched line standing out like a wind carved escarpment. And man, that butt
was so tight you could have bounced a quarter off it. I wondered what the crack of it would taste like.
Throw him against a tree, yank down his shorts and lick him all over.

Thinking on things like that would do me no good. Still, I tortured myself with images dredged up

from my own mind. Things I’d seen online done with ropes. Well, I don’t think I needed anything all that
fancy, but the idea of it, I could live on that.

My thin fantasies were cut short when we came up over a rise. Not a far piece ahead a neon yellow,

high-priced, high-tech two-man tent squatted in a clearing. A pair of equally high-end mountain bikes
leaned against a tree. One of the bikes caught the sun and blazed bright gold. Had to be the woman’s with
the frame set up…no ball whacker bar.

A man, maybe late thirties or thereabouts, knelt next to a duffle pack. Clothing scattered about was

either in the process of coming out or going into the bag, couldn’t really tell from where I was. Given the
amount of pink mixed in, I doubted they were part of the man’s gear. At the sound of our feet he stood and
I got my first good look at Gunter Warner.

It took me all of a second to decide I didn’t much care for the man. Don’t know if it was the sour

scowl that gripped his thin lips, or that he wiped his hands on his shorts long enough to make me wonder
if he had a complex. Average height, better than average build—wouldn’t have expected less from
someone who could bike the hill we just climbed—brown hair and brown eyes, the man reeked of
normal.

And that set my gut off for some strange reason.
Kabe nodded to Warner in greeting. Not going all the way into the man’s camp, he hadn’t been

invited; Kabe chose a spot where a fallen log might serve as a bench. Then he shook off his pack and
grabbed his water bottle. The three of us, with Ramon huffing behind, moved more slowly toward the site.
If Nadia were any good, and she seemed to be, she’d be doing the same mental inventory of Warner and
his camp that I ran through in my head. The campsite seemed too clean; the normal chaos of living out of
nylon stuff sacks didn’t seem present. ‘Course they’d only been there one night and Gunter Warner had a
good amount of time to just stay busy.

That worried me, too. Put another edge on my distaste. What a suspect could cover up in a matter of

hours: cleaning, tossing, moving things… just like we’d caught ol’ Gunter at.

“Gunter Warner? Howdy.” Nadia stepped up to him with an outstretched hand, but dropped it when

the man didn’t take the shake. “Sorry to meet you under these circumstances. I’m Nadia Slokum, with the
National Parks.” With a tip of her hat brim toward me and Fred, “This here is Deputy Sheriff Joe
Peterson, Fred Noces, also Park Service, and Ramon Piestewa from Land Management. I believe you’ve
already met Mr. Varghese.”

“Yes.” Warner’s response seemed less tense than I’d expect. Could have been just the language

though, or that he was in shock. Or could have been that he’d had from before breakfast ‘till right ‘round
lunch to get his story straight.

Nadia’d given me my role, and I played it. ‘Course my natural suspicions helped me fall into the bad

cop mode. Crossing my arms over my chest, I did one of those slow once overs on Gunter Warner.
Similar to the one I’d done the first time I saw Kabe, but with a lot more glare thrown in for effect. “We
got to ask you a few questions,” I growled out.

Shooting me a mock glower, Nadia added, “We’re sorry to intrude on your tragedy.” If she loaded any

more sugar into her voice, I’d end up with a toothache.

“Yes, very tragic.” His face fell, as though the reminder of it shook him. “Very sad. I will miss her.”

He sniffled and brought his hand to his mouth. I noticed that his eyes weren’t the least bit red. Maybe he
just wasn’t the crying type.

Yeah, my bells were ringing about Gunter Warner. “Can you tell me what happened this morning?”
“My wife, Anya, woke up very early. She wished to take photos of the sun as it came up where the

canyon is.” A hitch in his voice sounded, but it didn’t quite jibe with his expression. I couldn’t help but
think something seemed off as he continued. “I fell back to sleep. Then I woke up and made our breakfast,
our tea, but she did not come back. So, I thought this was strange and I went to find her. I looked many
places, much time before I found her. I thought she was not hurt, but she would not answer when I called. I
saw she was dead. I thought I should tell someone, but my phone will not work here. When I heard Kabe

coming on his motorbike, I ran down to meet him. I brought him to see the body of my wife. Then he went
to call. I stayed here to look after things.”

“You knew she was dead when you found her?” Okay, that didn’t square with what he’d told Kabe.

Nadia and I traded quick glances.

“Yes.” Another sniffle and nod. It felt like he’d scripted when he should show emotion. “I could see.”
“Why did you bring Kabe back to see her?” Bad cop got easier and easier to wing the more I studied

Warner. I darn near growled my next question. “Why didn’t you just head back to the ranch with him?”

“I thought that I should stay with her.”
“In case she got up to go for a stroll?” Add another reason for me to want to smack Ramon. There’s

times and places for a dig…this weren’t one of them. I shot him a glare, which seemed to go right over his
head. Maybe he was ornery, ‘cause so far, the accident, crime or whatever it ended up being was about
two miles from any portion of BLM land. Ramon had no jurisdiction and it likely rankled him.

Pursed lips and narrowed eyes on Warner’s face told me Ramon had poked him a little too hard. “I

thought it would be best.” Warner snapped.

“Of course you did.” Nadia tried to repair a little damage with her southern charm and a light touch to

his arm. “She was your wife. So she went to take photos of the sunrise. When did you realize something
was wrong?”

Warner focused his attention on her. “When she did not come to have breakfast.”
“You didn’t hear anything?” Nadia smiled and Warner echoed it with a thin version of his own.
“No, I did not hear.”
I let her have it for a bit, swing the balance back to our dance. “What did you do then?” Thankfully,

Ramon had wandered over to the tent and was studying it and the doss about the edges. Idiot was also
mucking what scene I had left.

“I have told you,” he sighed, “I went to find her.”
Now I broke in with a hard-edged tone to my question, “How long did you look?”
“Some time.” More sniffles without the accompanying water works. “I do not remember.”
“Of course, you were looking.” Nadia touched his arm again…contact to gain trust. “Now if it’s okay,

Agent Piestewa and Ranger Noces need to look around your campsite and your wife’s things. I’m going to
head over to the cliff with Deputy Peterson and Mr. Varghese and see that they get started okay. Then I’ll
be back to talk with you more. Alright?”

Nadia took the equipment from Fred as Kabe eased back into his rack. I hadn’t taken mine off for that

quick bit. When she signaled ready, I asked Kabe, “You remember where we’re headed?”

He just nodded and started off through the trees following a deer trail. Nadia fell into step beside me.

After we’d cleared a ways beyond the camp, she broke the silence. “Is it just me, or was he acting like a
fox sitting outside a hen house?”

“Could just be the language thing.” Even to my own ears, I didn’t sound convinced at all. “Maybe.”
She gave me a girlish little laugh, like she knew exactly what I was thinking. “Yeah, it don’t feel right

to me neither.”

It took a good fifteen minutes to get to the ridge and a bit more to track back to the site of the fall.

Kabe stopped on a bare strip of rock jutting out into the sky. One brown arm reached out and pointed to
near the end. “There. She fell left into the book,” using the climbing term to indicate a near perpendicular,
inside corner of rock. “Maybe seventy-five feet.”

I took a deep breath and headed over. When I peered down, my mind started cataloging both the

implications of the scene and what I’d need to do to get down to it. We’d be doing this one on my flash. In
a search and rescue situation, you were lucky if there was any fixed protection, bolts, rings and the like,
or traversed routes. ‘Course if it was there, that stuff was all manky anyway and possibly the cause of the
fall. This reeked of a pristine clean wall.

If I’d tried, I couldn’t have missed Anya Warner. A crumpled up doll lay on a ledge below

surrounded by a scattering of rubble. Her head twisted nearly backwards and, like Rickland had said, she
was pretty much folded in two…a squashed bug. The rock beneath her looked like someone smeared it
with black oil. I knew better, knew what that stain was after baking in the sun for a good four hours or
more.

Nadia had wandered to the edge of the cliff. A low whistle echoed in my ear. “Wow, that’s messy.”
“Definitely a victim of R.D.S.” I used the military jargon coopted by climbers long ago for Rapid

Deceleration Syndrome…otherwise known as the jarring impact at the bottom of a free fall. Everyone
knew a drop didn’t kill you. The sudden stop at the end though, that tended to send you off to meet your
maker. “You’ll process the scene up here while we’re dealing with all that?”

“Yep,” she looked back over the open rock face and off into the pines. “As much as I can.”
“Good.” I’d had my fill with looking at Anya. Plus, I knew that soon my view would be up close and

personal. I turned and headed toward Kabe, who’d hung back a ways. “Now,” I jabbed my finger at his
chest, “I don’t want you to do nothing.” I slid my Berghaus Arete Pack off my shoulders. “I don’t want you
to touch nothing.” Lighter versions flooded the market, but I liked this one ‘cause it balanced a damn
decent capacity with a real rugged exterior. Given all the gear I needed for a rescue— my climbing
harness, rope—lots of rope—various carabiners, camming devices and wired stoppers…it wasn’t
someplace I wanted to skimp. “I just want someone with experience and both hands to have my back.” A
derisive grunt was all my instruction seemed to merit. While I, and I’m pretty darn sure Kabe, could have
taken this wall with chalk and finger holes, body recovery ain’t for the grins.

I shucked my shirt, stuffing down the momentary welling of panic as my undershirt became visible.

There’s big sins, small sins and ones that are there only because we need to remind ourselves that we’re
different, have a covenant with the Church to be honored. And I know it don’t rightly make sense, I’m
lusting after a man’s meat and worried about a shirt. But it’s drilled into you from the time you’re taken in
as an adult into the Temple—don’t show it at all. Never, not even the sleeves, not the edge of the neck
under your shirt. Like a horse that gets zapped every time it touches an electric fence. It learns to shy away
and soon you don’t even need the fence no more…it just won’t go near the spot, the habit’s so deep.

If I didn’t make a big to-do out of it, maybe no one else would neither; my under-shirt looked normal

enough until you got up close. God’d likely rate me a pass on this, …and modesty, well if I came back
with the inseam of my pants intact it’d be a miracle.

If I came back with my morals intact after being around Kabe, it’d be a miracle.
So that I didn’t dwell on baring my soul with my shirt problem, I mentally went over the rappel and

climb. Trad climbing with anchors, cams and a sturdy belay set up wasn’t easy work and dead weight,
even if it’s alive, doesn’t move well. A good gust of wind and I’d be the rescuee instead of the rescuer.
Seen a few of those in my time and I had no desire to live through that kind of embarrassment. The other
option being dead…well, I didn’t much cotton to it, neither.

Somehow, I managed to toe out of my boots and shove my feet into my climbing shoes without falling

over. My clothes might not have made the trip—since they were sitting on the top of the dresser after my
last load of wash—but my shoes always stayed at the top of my rack. After that, I stepped into my
climbing harness, yanking it up around my middle and thighs. I got my Rhythm, stupidest name on the
market— sounded like Mormon birth control—but suited me fine. I like the buckle set up, the sling fits my
butt, racking holsters instead of clips. It’s really technical and everyone has their favorite knot, sling, or
anchor.

Climbers are picky to the point of religious about their gear. Come ‘round next Saturday afternoon I’ll

argue the finer points of a half circle grigri ‘till the cows come home with anyone who wanted a go. Right
now I just needed a good belay to keep me from taking a two screamer. ‘Cause that face, looking over the
edge, if a rope cut loose I’d have enough time to draw in a breath for a second bout of terror as I fell.

Threading the rope through my hand, I thought out loud, “Think we got a couple pitches to get down

there.” Yeah, close to seventy-five, eighty feet, maybe not quite that. Each pitch of rope ran about fifty
feet. “We’ll need some good anchors…probably can get by with cams in some places. I doubt anyone’s
ever set bolts in this face.”

“Aren’t you just going to rappel?” That came from Nadia. She knelt at the rim above the body site

looking for anything out of the ordinary. Good place to start, because Kabe and I would trash the edge
when we went over.

“It’s not for the going down.” Kabe muttered into his chest as he tightened his harness belt. “It’s the

coming back up.” Finished with that task, almost absently he walked to the absolute lip and stared down
like it was a step not a plunge. He’d picked a spot where we couldn’t see the woman, or what was left of
her. That sight would come soon enough.

I guessed right now he just wanted to size up the mountain. Take a good deep breath of it and whether

it smelled like chalk, granite or limestone scree. I always did it myself, centered my soul. Rolling back
my shoulders, I took a deep breath and walked to meet my challenge. Opened my eyes, my ears and my
heart, the way God meant us to see. No layering, just accepting what His hand wrought on the rocky face.

As I came up next to him, Kabe looked over and I got my first smile. Dazzling white, full of teeth and

it crinkled up his brown face all around the most striking set of hazel eyes…the kind that are almost an
explosion of gold and green. In that stupid communing with the Lord in the wilderness moment, that smile
burrowed into my guts and kicked my head harder than a mule. Not much more I could do in the face of it,
than swallow and try to breathe.

The smile dimmed back as though he weren’t sure he should hold it, but couldn’t fathom a reason not

to. “You’re stronger, you drag the load,” I noticed he avoided the word body, “and take lead.” Still, now
that he was talking climbing, his voice held all the confidence of a man who knew how to bargain with
death at a hundred feet up and hanging by a thread. “That way I can make sure the belay anchors are
good.” Almost like the thought spooked him some, he added, “And watch so you don’t get tangled.”

“I don’t get it.” Nadia’s soft drawl startled me enough to step back. I’d been way too focused on

Kabe, the new Kabe the thrill of the climb brought out, the bare soul in Kabe. That shook me more than I
ever wanted to admit. “Why are you leading if you’re going to haul the body?” She seemed genuinely
perplexed and I had to remind myself she was a flatlander. “I assume leading means you’re going first.”

Kabe had the courtesy not to laugh, although I could see it took a bit of effort. In that same confident

tone, he explained. “Joe goes first, setting cams and anchors as he climbs. It’s going to be hell on his
shoulders and back, but the pig, the weight of the load, will be below him. I think those shoulders can
manage a downward drag. Especially if we put a Z pulley set up in place.” Nadia wasn’t the only one
who appreciated my efforts.

“See,” I choked on the hope a bit before squashing it down, “I move up, set an anchor. The first are

the trickiest ‘cause I got to set a couple.” Somehow I managed not to look at him. It’d destroy all the well-
varnished barriers I kept up. “I put my second anchor in, Kabe comes up to the first one and ties himself to
the face on the last cam I set.” Instead, I distracted myself with tying a bandana around my head so my
skull wouldn't burn.

“Why?”
“If Joe falls.” Kabe teased in an overly dramatic voice.
Now I glared at him. The dig hit me deep enough in a climber’s pride to overcome the lust simmering

in the back half of my brain. “I ain’t gonna fall.” My officer growl seethed with it. Plus, superstition rode
hard. Climbers didn’t talk about the possibility outside of instructing other climbers. This didn’t quite feel
like that.

“If Joe falls,” the pitch reined back to something more pragmatic, Kabe continued, “as he’s moving up

to set the next anchor, I can belay him. Unless the anchor comes out, we’re good.” He adjusted his harness

and began knotting in. “Zipper falls are fun. Fall, stop on the belay, anchor tears loose, fall some more.”

I could see it not quite working through Nadia’s mind. I could play instructor, I’d done it before.

“Belays are like brakes for ropes. He’s tied to me,” I flicked the rope that would link us. “I’m strung
through his belay. If something happens, Kabe has to slow my fall with the belay and take the force on him
and the anchor. Which means my life depends on me setting them good, ‘cause if I don’t they’ll rip loose
when my weight hits ‘em.” By the way Nadia’s lip twitched up and her eyebrows met above the bridge of
her nose, the logic of that seemed to hit. “Anyway, I don’t intend on using ‘em. So I go up, set the next
anchor, tie myself off. Kabe’ll clear the bolt out of the face and climb up to the next one. And we keep
dancing like that until we reach the top.”

“Normally,” Kabe barely glanced up from inspecting his rigging, “that’s the point where you rappel

back down, but we’re doing this one bass-ackwards.”

Since the tree line wasn’t that far from the rim, I decided to use an old growth pine for the multiple

anchor points. Actually two trees about thirty feet apart…redundancy in the number of anchor lines and
anchor points is key to survival. Darn things I chose were bigger ‘round than both my thighs, straight and
well rooted. It took Kabe and I a bit to set the multicolored webbing and steel rings, yank on it hard a few
dozen times from a few dozen positions, but I’d rather be safe than dead. I double-checked his double-
check. Kabe did a final check ‘round. The boy was as meticulous about the process as I was, we’d have
drove Fred nuts.

Then we tied into the figure eights…mine the typical heavy duty first responder steel model and

Kabe’s the lighter aluminum sport type. I’d go first on the rappel as well as the climb back out. I looked
up from my knotting to where the ranger crab walked along. I smiled at the sight and shouted over, “You
okay there, Nadia?”

“Yeah, not much to see on solid rock.” Slapping her hands on her thighs, she stood. “I’ll see if I can

spot any evidence on a perimeter walk, but you’re good to go here.”

I walked to the edge of the cliff and took a deep breath. A different kind than before, this one got all

mixed up in a prayer. Rappelling was the part of the climb I hated the most. When I’m on my way up, I got
a load of backups to keep me from falling. Rappels were all about the equipment. Best I could manage for
safety was knotting a double figure eight in the rope’s tail end so I wouldn’t slip off and shanking a couple
Prusiks, specially tied short loops of rope, to act as secondary belays.

My right hand held my brake rope, the left the primary rope, and both ran through the rappel device

and clips. Easy, slow, I walked backward over the lip. There’s always that sudden terror as you step off
the cliff and leave your life in the strength of your gear. My torso upright, my toes on the rock, I tried to
keep everything as smooth as possible as I played out and walked down the face, but I still jerked now
and again. Before I knew it, I was darn near at the end of my rope.

Flatlanders just have no real idea what that expression means.
Now I needed to set some anchors so I could continue the rappel. I actually had to jug back up a bit to

find a spot I liked. Then I tied the lock off knots in my rappel rope and began setting gear. We could have
extended the rappel with webbing or such, but I’d rather play it safe. Plus, what I set now would allow us
to set up a Z-pulley system so that I could haul the body easier. Once it all felt set, I hooked myself on to
the anchors I’d placed with a few locking carabiners and called up, “Off rope! Come on down.”

From above me I heard Kabe’s yell of, “Below,” advising me to watch for anything he might knock

loose on his descent. I hung off the gear and studied the scene below. Close as I was, a good twenty feet, I
could smell the blood, although there was a lot less than most people might suspect. Without a puncture
into the body cavity, from something like a limb or rock, people who fell didn’t bleed much. Her clothing
seemed reasonable for someone who’d been out in the mountain morning: fleece pullover, knee-length
mountaineering pants and hiking boots with heavy socks. The strap for a light, day-type pack was tangled
about one arm.

In climber time, it didn’t take Kabe long at all to reach me. We hung side-by-side for a bit as he

clipped in to my anchors. For a guy who normally liked to cheat death in the you-fall-youdie game of free
solo, he was meticulous during a trad climb.

“So.” Kabe looked over as he locked in a crab and smiled. Lord, there it went again, that soul-

shattering grin. There weren’t nowhere to run to this time. I hung there and basked in the glow of it.
Without acknowledging my slack-jawed state, he continued his thought, and eased into my side. “I’ll hang
here, rig the rescue pulley. You rap down, do what you need to.”

Somehow I managed to dredge up a coherent response. “Sounds good.” It took me a bit to realize how

near Kabe was. Actually, I knew without even knowing how close Kabe was…it took a good chunk
longer to realize that it wasn’t an accident. “What in tarnation are you doing?”

Sharing someone’s protection on a face didn’t usually mean sharing their up close and personal space.

Although my definition of personal space took a long walk around the mountain when I climbed and didn’t
relate to nothing I might think when my feet were planted on the ground. Still, he was nearer than he really
needed to be. So near I could taste the salt on his skin as he reached across and clipped into the pro right
above my shoulder.

Growling out, “I think you’re secure enough to set your own protection,” I moved over the only inch I

could get.

“What, bother you?” Likely, Kabe decided it was a good time to razz me, since there weren’t a darn

thing I could do about it. He teased, his leg sliding against mine. If he didn’t

watch it our ropes would get all good and tangled. “I’m good, can hang out here all day.”
The scent of sweat mixed with chalk and flowed down my spine. “I can’t.” I’da moved off even more

if’n there was any place to move off to. Strung like a pig out for slaughter, I had nowhere to run.

“Your arms going to get tired?” Somehow he managed to reach between me and the rock, so that his

shoulder was under my pit. It pitched his crotch against the back of my thigh. Boy had a hard-on to rival
Kilimanjaro. He swayed a bit on the rope, like he was having trouble finding a place for a ‘biner. It
rubbed him in all the right places. “Can’t hold it up?” The bucketfuls of load he put on it let me know it
weren’t my arms he was joshing ‘bout.

What I wanted to do was push back, feel that thick piece of meat against my skin. “I think you need to

stop screwing around.”

“Hey, you know,” that lean brown arm, roped with muscle, brushed against my chest, “where else can

you hang out half-naked and in bondage gear with another guy and nobody says anything?” He bumped my
hip, messing around here ‘cause he thought I couldn’t say nothing. “Slide your hand up a greasy crack and
hang out for a while.”

Dangerous play for him. He likely figured he could get away with it up here, maybe he’d gotten away

with it before. Mess with some guy’s head, one you figured you’d never partner with again, and then when
you hit the ground nobody says nothing. ‘Cause if the guy he’d been diggin’ on said word one, then
everybody knew he noticed. Most guys didn’t have the stones to admit they noticed.

I ain’t most guys. “You need to just stop.”
“Stop what?” Closer, I don’t know how the heck he managed closer, Kabe darn near stretched spread

eagle on the face. It put his knee up under my butt. A suicidal game of Twister hundreds of feet up in the
air. “I’m not doing anything, but hanging ‘round and setting pro.”

“I don’t cotton to taking a free solo rappel down this cliff.”
“Oh, the big, bad sheriff is scared.”
That’s when the bear in me came out—and not like those internet picture types of furry chests needing

to shed the winter pounds….more the grizzly that eats crazy climbers for lunch species. I really, really
didn’t like being hung up on a face with a guy who decided to get all friendly right then and there. “Look,
boy,” I used my finger grip in a crack to draw me hard against the wall, sandwiching Kabe’s arm,

shoulder and part of his chest between my muscle and the mountain, “wrap your darn fool head around
this.” I can move fast when I want to. I dropped the hold with my toes, swung a bit and managed around
and behind him. Now it was my knee in his ass. And all of me pressed him into the unyielding rock. Kabe
barely managed out a grunt. “I’m bigger, I’m stronger and I know as much about being on the mountain as
you do. If’n nothing else penetrates that skull of yours, get this one thing straight. I’m in charge and we do
this my way.” Thank the Lord we were both clipped in…it might just keep us from being killed while we
established who was boss. I intended to come out on top of this pissing match.

He tried to push back. Boy could tease, but seemed to find it hard to take what he dished out. “I can

handle myself fine out here.” A little edge of panic crept under his voice. Damn good, everyone needed to
keep a little fear of God in their heart on a wall. “I don’t need you telling me what to do.”

My mouth right up against his ear, my body pressing him up against the wall, oh Lord, I was hard. I

shouldn’t have been. But my prick seemed to think different. As much as I couldn’t ignore it, sure that
Kabe couldn’t either…seeing as I’d settled right into the crack of his ass. “Don't be stupid,” I hissed, my
breath moving the hair at the nape of his neck, “one person's died today. Don't want another on my hands.
This isn't just about you and the mountain. It’s about you and the mountain and me and doing a job…big
picture.”

“Fuck off!” He writhed. Oh, man, that felt good, his grinding that taut ass against my prick.
I savored it. “My way.” Then I humped a little. Not like there was anyone around to see what we were

up to. “We’re going to finish this pull and you’re not gonna mess no more. I don’t cotton to horsing around
on a climb. Don’t care how hot you think you are, you play it my way, or I’ll pull all the pro you’ve set
and drop your butt.”

Kabe drew in a ragged breath and stilled. It must have penetrated I was serious… and into guys just as

much as he was. As that was settled, I growled out, since the growls seemed to get his attention and keep
it focused on me, “And another rule. You don’t mess with me ‘round nobody else.” If my mouth were any
closer I’d be eating his ear…sounded darn good right then. “You do that and you’ll wish you hadn’t lived
through the consequences.” What the hey? Taking the moment, I licked up his neck. Kabe shuddered. “So
what do you have to say?”

He swallowed and turned his head a bit. I could feel his Adam’s apple bobbing against my cheek.

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?” I whispered it this time. Just enough to be heard over the wind.
“Okay, Joe.” A little fear smelled so good on his skin. “We do it your way.”
“Good boy.” I eased off so he could scuttle out from under me. “You learn up quick.”
Eyes wide, he stared at me. Kabe had a whole ‘nother war of emotions going on in those hazel eyes. I

grinned back. I wondered if he looked that good when he got balled. I almost wished I could find out right
then and there. He had to see that predatory, hungry look in my eyes. Kabe reached out and just touched
my arm, almost like he was asking for permission. I didn’t shrug it off or nothing, just smiled wider and
got a bit of wonder in return.

Then we hit that uneasy moment where a lot of water’s gone under the bridge and you don’t know

exactly how to respond. It only takes a second of letting your mind drift before reality hits and a climber
realizes he’s still on an exposed face. For me it was the gust of wind that snapped a bit of webbing
against my cheek. Everything hit me hard, and I could feel the shame rising in the back of my neck. The
little bit of suspended reality was gone and I had to chew on how I’d just hit on him.

Not willing to look like a complete doofus, I set the rope for the next pitch. “I’ll be back.” I gave the

phrase the over-inflected tone of a camp movie line.

Kabe snorted, seeming far more at ease with what went down than I ever could be. “Okay, honey,” he

drawled out with a tease of his own, “get milk while you’re out.”

As I began my decent, I growled out, “Brat.” The next twenty feet passed pretty quick. After setting my

anchors, I locked myself in, this time leaving enough play I could move around the tiny scene, but in case I
slipped, I’d only suffer a wounding of my pride. I fished my little digital camera out of a pocket on my
pack. Rickland snapped some full scene picks on his fly by. Now I needed up close and personal. Trying
for a few more close ups, I had to hang off the lip of the ledge and edge around. Hopefully, enough would
come out clear and not have my ropes, hands or feet in them obstructing the body so that it would be a
pretty accurate photo reconstruction.

Something wasn’t right about the scene at all and I couldn’t place what. It gnawed at me as I moved

and snapped pictures. Finally, I got to the point where I couldn’t do much more while keeping myself from
becoming a secondary casualty. I needed another set of hands. “Kabe!” I looked up to where he was
putting the finishing touches on the pulley set up: a Z arrangement of four pulleys that would allow me to
haul Anya’s body up without killing my back. “Wanna come down and give me a hand?” I pocketed my
camera as I yelled.

He glanced over his shoulder and grunted, “No, not really, but I will.”
I pulled a set of surgical gloves out of another of the many pockets on my pack, removed my climbing

gloves, and snapped the vinyl onto my hands. I wouldn’t be adjusting my ropes until I took ‘em off.
Modern health precautions and climbing didn’t partner up too well. I took that bit of time to look close at
the body. I’d done the big scene picture, now I need to know the small details her death could tell me.

Rigor hardened Anya’s face and the small muscles of her hands. I reached out and took a hold of one

arm. Not easy by a long shot, but I could move the arm out. Six or so hours maybe since death, I estimated
by the stiffness in her joints. ‘Course I wasn’t a doctor, much less a coroner; I’d just been on enough body
pulls to have an idea.

Her position bugged me. Anya looked like a rag doll, not uncommon in a fall. I guess where she

landed messed with my mind. Wasn’t a straight drop. Looking up over what must have been her path,
scree fell, some, what I guess might be blood here and there, but no rakes down the side of the hill. Then I
turned back to the arm I still held. I studied the hand: pretty pristine…at least for someone who’d been out
camping. Others I’d recovered, they’d ripped their fingers to the bone to stay latched on to the rock trying
not to fall. ‘Less she’d gone off backwards, which could have happened walking backwards and stepping
off, there weren’t any signs I could see of someone trying not to fall.

And that just didn’t seem natural at all.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER FOUR

Somehow Kabe and I managed to slide Anya into the white cocoon of a disposable body bag and not

become casualties ourselves. Then the orange and black bundle of the Reeves Sleeve wrapped her corpse
onto the frame of the backboard. Likely, we’d lost some trace evidence, but that couldn’t be helped much.
Once we tied her off and slid her over the edge where she dangled like a modern day cliff mummy, I
collected the odd bits off the shelf. Anything that might possibly be useful or lead to something useful or
just seemed darn strange, I gathered into little baggies. Those I stuffed in the pocket of the Reeves where
the hoist cables normally went.

Hauling Anya’s body up the wall was a grueling round of climb, set anchors, clip in and pull Anya

with the pulleys. And while the system kept the force of her weight from being as heavy as it really was,
shoving my fingers in a crack to hold two on the face while I crammed a cam didn’t make for easy. My
rest came in short breaks while I waited for Kabe to come up so we could do it again. The sun pounded
my back, even at this elevation. Sweat poured down my skin and pooled in the areas where my harness
held my clothes to my body. Sticky, sweaty and dirty made up my life for a few hours.

Once we brought Anya out, Nadia went off to corral another set of hands while I switched boots and

shouldered back into my uniform shirt. Every second I moved I felt Kabe’s eyes on me. Well, I reasoned,
it was either look at me or Anya…and she weren’t exactly lively. He chose a fallen log, just at the edge of
my sight line, to rest his back against. If I paid attention—how could I not pay attention to Kabe—I could
catch him out of the corner of my eye, sitting there, staring at me. I drew out the dressing, knowing I’m
s’posed to be all Mormon modest, knowing I’m not s’posed to like guys and not really caring about either
right then.

Kabe clambered to his feet, in that stiff-sore manner of somebody who’s pushed their muscles a tad

more than he should have. He grabbed my hat where I’d left it hooked on a branch and made a big show of
dusting it off as he walked over. The way he played with my Stetson, blowing dust off the brim, there was
no question in my mind he used it as a stand in for certain parts of my body. And I knew that slight sway…
not feminine by no count, but enough to say I got it and I know you want it. Without saying nothing, Kabe
held out my hat and kept hold of it when I latched on. His forest-colored eyes, all browns and greens and
golds, drifted slowly from my hand up my arm to lock on my own. He held the look a mite and then a slow
grin, all full of promises, turned up the corners of his full lips. Oh Lord, I was being hunted and I wanted
to be caught. Just the two of us alone on the mountain. It might have been almost ideal, a touch romantic if
I were the sentimental sort, ‘cept for the body lying a few feet away.

And I guess, ‘cause I didn’t let go or do nothing but stare back and chew my bottom lip, that then he

really knew. Maybe not all of it, but enough to figure I could be willing. Off in the tree line I heard the
crashing and cursing of Ramon and then Nadia’s voice answering him. I didn’t look though. I was all
wrapped up in Kabe. He had to know he had me then. His grin spread wider and he slowly took his
fingers off the brim. By the time the others broke into sight of us, we were just two guys standing, maybe
just having finished a jaw. Kabe pulling out his water bottle and me settling my hat on my head. ‘Cept if
you looked close. I’d sprouted enough wood to put a ponderosa pine to shame.

Nobody talked much beyond what we needed to get done what we had to. Even Ramon stopped his

whining. Nadia left Fred to watch Gunter and help him break down his camp and told them to meet us at
the vehicles. A little bit of arranging, Kabe and I with the heavy load at the head, the four of us packed
Anya out to the truck. Body hauls were as somber as funerals. I felt like making conversation somehow
disrespected the dead. Still, life goes on, and every other minute either I or Kabe stole a glance at each
other. Don’t know if anyone else noted, but I felt it on my skin each and every time.

Fred caught sight of us before I did him…could tell by the, “Need a hand?” He yelled out.

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I teased, finding him through a break in the trees, “since you only got the

one to offer.”

He bounded up the trail to meet us. “Payback, Joe, payback,” was all he got out. Then the weight of

what we carried settled onto him and he fell quiet.

Most all the gear and the bikes had already been loaded into the back of the NPS pickup. We shoved

stuff to the side, making room to lay the body down. Gunter sat in the cab of the truck, staring straight
ahead. He kept glancing at his watch and picking at the window frame of the passenger door. Never once
offered to help or nothing. And all of that seemed a mite strange to me.

Nadia and Fred sandwiched Gunter between them for the ride out. I let Kabe take shotgun in Ramon’s

truck so I could more or less stretch out in the back seat. I remembered about the first mile and a half
before exhaustion folded me into a restless blanket of sleep. The last thing I recollect seeing before my
eyes drifted shut was Kabe’s self-satisfied little smile.

A fist pounding my ankle brought me out of my comatose state. I blinked and Nadia, leaning through

the open door of Ramon’s four-wheel drive, came into focus. “Hey, Sugar,” she drawled, “we’re going to
split up now. Fred and I will meet the ambulance at the ranger station in Bryce, they’re going to take the
body to the hospital in Panguitch. Noreen of your office called ‘em up for us. We’ll transfer the body into
the care of the coroner’s office there. Ramon’s going to take Gunter back to their original campsite.
We’ve told him to stick around for a while. He’s camped in NPS territory so I’m going to have my guys
keep an eye on him for y’all. Start passing my favors around early.”

“Okay,” I managed to mumble through a yawn. “I’ll ring you tomorrow and we can compare notes of

what we got.” Dirty and disheveled I clambered out of the back seat. Nadia moved so I could get by, then
slammed the door. “Where’s my gear?”

“I stashed it on the Harding’s porch.” A jerk of her chin indicated the ranch house.
“Good.” I rolled my shoulders to ease out the stiffness as I walked toward the truck. “Let me get the

evidence bags out from where I chucked ‘em. Then y’all can go.”

Nadia fell into step beside me. “Keep me in the loop, if you would?” She grinned. “Well the death

itself ain’t my jurisdiction, but I’m interested. If you need any help with anything let me know. A little
interagency cooperation never hurt anyone.”

“Thanks.” I leaned over the back gate and pulled the baggies of miscellaneous possible evidence from

the pocket of the sleeve. “You ever need anything, just call and ask for Deputy Joe. More than happy to
help. Law enforcement’s thin as hairs on a bald man’s head ‘round here, so I don’t mind helping out with
someone else’s party, neither.”

What I wanted to do with the rest of my day was head for a hot shower and clean pair of socks.

Instead, I knew I needed to sort my rack. If I waited, then I might put it off too long, and before you know
it I’d be out on a call with a sack full of tangled rope and rusted carabiners…or my climbing clothes
sitting on a pile of laundry at the house instead of being in my pack. I was still kicking myself for that one.

Kabe’d already settled himself on the porch. Late afternoon sun filtered almost golden through the thin

mountain air. As I helped everyone get Gunter’s gear transferred to Ramon’s SUV, I kept my eye on Kabe.
Not ‘cause of anything suspicious. Naw, I just wanted to watch him. Meticulous, focused, Kabe sorted
ropes and hardware into two piles…his and mine. Things had gotten a little mixed together with the way
we’d ascended.

Long fingers nimbly worked over the ropes, drawing out tangles and easing kinks as he went, and I

was thankful for that. Less work for me to re-rack everything. The sun warmed his skin to a deep, caramel
hue and the tip of a deep red tongue rested just at the edge of his full bottom lip. Every so often, Kabe’d
absently run his hand over his scalp, mussing the short dark waves of hair. It made me want to drag my
own fingers through the mess.

“Joe,” Fred’s voice caught me and I realized I’d just been standing at the side of the truck staring at

Kabe like an open-mouthed fool. A rock steady and friendly grip caught my arm. “Be careful.”

I snorted to break the tension, “I’m always careful. It’s my middle name, Joseph Careful Peterson.”
“I thought it was Price.” He flicked the back of my Stetson with his other hand. “You know what I

mean though. You watch your step.”

For a minute we locked eyes. He worried about me, I could see it. If he worried, I should too, and I

couldn’t bring myself to. I guess my dick had the reins. “Okay, Fred,” I blew out my breath and pushed my
hat back. “I’ll do that.” It was the only bit of reassurance I could offer. Weren’t quite a lie…just came
darn close.

After I watched them all drive off, I turned back to the porch. Kabe sat there, hands dangling between

his knees and staring hard. When he saw me looking, that I got you look slid across his face. “So, not
heading out with the rest of the gang?”

There’s being hunted and there’s being played; up for one but not the other. Figured I needed to put

that distinction to rest. “My gear needs sorting, too,” I growled out as I ambled over. “And, I need some
time to think over things.”

He used his foot to push my pack over. “Like what?”
“Like why things aren’t sitting right about Gunter’s story for me.”
“Maybe ‘cause you’re a suspicious son-of-a-bitch? I mean, you’re a straight arrow cop,” a lot of

emphasis got thrown on the straight part of that sentence. “Everyone’s got something to hide. All those
hidden, dark spots inside that they don’t talk about. Desires no one wants to admit. Skeletons hiding in
every closet.” If that whole thing didn’t come out of his mouth loaded with twenty types of meaning, I’d
eat my hat.

If I rose to that bait, I’d be dead. Best to play it off and pretend I didn’t know what he meant by it all.

“Always suspicious, that’s why I’m good at what I do.” I dropped down on the stair below his, my butt on
the tread, my boots scuffing the earth.

My own ropes were a tangled mess even after Kabe’s sort. Want to know what evil is, it’s the way

climbing ropes twist in and around themselves while stuffed in a pack. Not much to do but start pulling,
gently, easing the twists out as I went. There’s something soothing in a methodical task, especially one
that’s somewhat mindless. Only a little bit of my mind needed to focus on the feel of the cord in my hands.
The rest of my thoughts could spin out, walk the paths that I’d only caught glimpses of. Twist the puzzle
pieces around, see what fit and what didn’t and where all the holes in the big picture were.

My fingers soothed nearly twenty feet of rope before it hit. “Wait,” my hands dropped into my lap and

I turned to look up at Kabe. “Didn’t her husband say she’d gone off to take pictures of the sunrise?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I think so. She took pictures of everything.”
“Do you remember seeing a camera?”
Kabe stilled. “No, I don’t.” He let his fingers walk the rope a little longer. Then he added, “But, I

might have missed it.”

“Pretty straight shot down to where we found her. Might have bounced and gone further.” Though I

was sure I’d have spotted it had the camera been anywhere near. “And I’m curious.” I was beyond
curious actually. “‘Cause her husband, he was acting like he was all distraught and such…”

“But he was only acting like he was fucked up by it.”
“You know, the English language is perfectly fine without the use of profanity.” I glared at Kabe. I

ain’t prissy, but I don’t need to hear certain words to know someone’s serious. I stewed a might, then let it
go. Some things are worth staying angry for…most ain’t. “So, he just don’t sit right with either of us.” I
kicked the dust around for a while, trying not to seem like I was pushing. “Whatcha got on tap for
tomorrow?”

Ropes wound about Kabe’s feet. “Not much, dude.” Slowly, he pulled the length through his fingers,

eyeballing the strands for obvious wear, feeling the sheath for internal bunching before letting it coil

naturally on the step where he sat. “Sorta feel like a fifth wheel around here on this ranch stuff. It ain’t
chasing the big one off the point.” He snorted like that meant something…I didn’t have a clue, but I figured
it must be important to him. “Most of the stuff that I know how to do, it just doesn’t mean much here.”

My mind shifted into double-time thinking of excuses I could feed him so he’d stay. “Hey, everyone

starts somewhere.” That time on the cliff made me want to get to know him more…in a lot of ways.
Ninety percent of them my church wouldn’t approve of. And I can’t say that he didn’t tear me six ways
over a barrel. Bad news, hot body and a personality that switched from hot to cold quicker than the
weather in the mountains.

“I could start by learning to ride a horse.” He laughed. For the first time I think I heard real laughter

out of him. Not thinly laced sarcasm or spite, but real amusement echoed in warm, deep tones that I could
grow to like…a lot.

If he could hunt me, I could stalk him back, although I tend to be more on the subtle end of the scale.

Years of hiding drilled it into my soul. “You know, search and rescue actually is pretty big here. Tourons
do stupid stuff, get stranded all the time.” Touron…cross a tourist with a moron and wind up with a
search and rescue operation. “T and George’ll teach you how to deal with the stock if you want to stick
around long enough. And if T don’t mind, we do canyon practice here once a month. It’s all volunteer, but
we can use more guys who can get down a wall.” Give him a reason to stick around, something exciting to
get his blood up and hook him on the taste of the mountains. “Brian Head is great skiing come winter.
Snowbound mountain rescue can be more extreme than the sport that got the tourons in a jam. Virgin River
in Zion has white water, pull people out of there a few times a year.” Oh man, I sounded like a Utah
Tourism commercial; visit scenic backcountry, get in a jam and let me pull you out.

“Not like I have much better.” He wrapped the tail end of his rope around the middle of the rest

before giving me a wry smile. “I promised my grams I’d be here through my probation. She’s worried. It
was stupid what I did.”

Pushing my Stetson back off my forehead, I played it straight with him. “Look, I ain’t gonna yank you.”

No use pretending I didn’t do the background check. Lies like that just got all tangled up ‘round your
tongue and tripped you up when you least expected it. “I went over your record, know what you went up
for. Stupid was climbing the dam.” I kicked the dust at my feet then added, “Criminal was possession.”

“That was stupid, too.”
This I didn’t want to probe into; might just ruin the whole fantasy I was building in the back of my

head. But it was up and I needed to deal with it. “Accident huh?” I threw out the excuses I’d heard over
and over while working the prison. “Didn’t know what you had? Somebody else’s backpack?” Managed,
however, to keep my voice from sliding into snide.

He stared at the rope in his hand for a bit, then looked up at me and snapped, “Why do you fucking

care?” He shoved the bundle into his pack like he was shoving his fist down a throat.

I deserved it. I’d pissed on him. “’Cause I’m a deputy sheriff hereabouts and I can make my

assumptions off your record or you can tell me.” And ‘cause I wanted that lean brown body in ways I
shouldn’t have. I wanted him to give me an excuse I could buy. “Then I’ll decide if you’re lying or not.”

“No, it was mine.” Anger suddenly gone, he rolled his eyes and shook his head. I realized I’d caught

more emotions rolling off him in the last few hours than I’d seen displayed in the weeks previous. “Well,
it wasn’t mine, but the crap was in my pack and I knew it. Stupid was why I did it.” With a shrug he went
back to inspecting the next section of rope.

I don’t know how many feet went through those fingers before I prompted, “Waiting.”
“Okay.” Kabe dropped the last bit onto the coiled pile. Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his

thighs, letting his hands dangle between his legs. There was a bucketful of dare in his eyes when he finally
looked up at me. “Not my drugs. I don’t do drugs, clouds you, you don’t think straight.

Not that I’m a fucking angel or anything. I don’t sell either, but you know, what’s good for me,” he

shrugged, “well, I’m not going to be high and mighty about it and force my view on everyone else.”

Then he ran his hand through his hair and leaned back to rest himself against the stair, cocked back on

his elbows and legs stretched out. “I thought the shit was at base camp. My partner picked it up on our
way out. I told Tony that it was stupid, but the guy wasn’t going to be there long. Tony said it needed
picking up for a rave a promoter we know was sponsoring. So we get popped on the dam. Tony takes the
pills out of the other pack, shoves them in mine. ‘Cause Tony’s got a record and there’s a big sentence
hanging over another arrest. Tony begged me to take the fall, ‘cause I’m clean…record wise.” His face
went sour, like the words tasted bad. “Couple years, baby I’ll come see you every day.” He cooed in
someone else’s falsetto. “And I loved Tony’s ass, so I did it.”

“So all for love was stupid?” I didn’t want to believe he felt that way. Guys burned that badly often

couldn’t be fixed. They went through life carrying a backpack full of suspicion and fear of getting taken
again.

Kabe flicked a pebble off the tread and watched it bounce across the dirt. “Yeah, ‘cause the last time I

saw Tony was just before I got arraigned. The only people who ever came on visitor’s day were my
grams and my dad.” He sighed, long and heavy. “I’d call Tony on the few times I’d earned it. The first
two times the charges were refused and then finally Tony’s number just didn’t work anymore. So, I got set
up for someone I loved, who saw me as a fun fuck.”

With the name and lack of pronouns, no way I could tell whether it was Tony with a y or an i. I figured

by what I knew of Kabe, Tony had balls, but I could be dead wrong. “You want to kill them? Hurt them?
This ain’t the officer in me, just me. I’d want to hunt someone like that down after.” Shoot ‘em, run over
‘em a few times, drag ‘em behind the truck. Just about anything that might make a guy wish he was dead.

“First year and a half, shit yeah. The last six months I served, I worked it out for me. Nobody can

goddamn take advantage of you if you don’t let them. So I did it. I own it. I got to live with it and just deal.
Getting back at Tony wouldn’t change what happened. Okay, ‘nuff of my bullshit sob story.” He pushed
my knee with his foot. One of those buddy kinda moves that could have meant anything. “You were asking
about cameras and what I’m doing tomorrow…sounds like some of my past dates.”

“No, I want to go find a camera. Something ain’t sitting right about this whole thing. If she was taking

pictures, it’ll be around and that might prove that he’s not lying through his teeth.” I finished sorting my
rope and shoved it into my pack. “No camera, Gunter’s story falls apart.”

“Well, we can go out in the morning.” Kabe picked up another pebble from the stair and tossed it at

my patrol car. It pinged on the hood. “That thing got four-wheel drive?”

“Yep, but not the kind for serious off-road. My sedan ain’t gonna make it back there.” I looked around.

I knew T had more than one pickup: his own newish one and then one that’d seen more service than a
mule on a canyon tour. “Use T’s old truck?”

Kabe shook his head. “George has it in Cedar City, went down for groceries.”
“Okay, well, you got an ATV.”
“We’re not doing the ATV.” He coughed. “Not going to happen, dude.”
“Hey, the nearest off-road vehicle for the department is in Panguitch. If I go back, find Diamond and

wait for her to bring it ‘round after her shift ends tomorrow, I won’t be back here at the ranch house ‘till
noon. We’ll lose almost all the daylight. I figure if we go back first light it gives me a good lot of time to
search.”

“You don’t need me out there.” Where this sudden shyness came from I didn’t have any idea. “I’d get

in your way.”

Okay, maybe he just didn’t like not being on the offensive. Too bad. “Going into the back country,

where I might need to climb, too stupid to do it alone. So, yeah I do need you. And two can ride the ATV
you know.”

Kabe ran his hands up and down his thighs. “No they can’t.” There’d been suspects I’d busted who

acted less nervous.

I leaned in. “I don’t bite.”
“That’s not it.” He swallowed and a little bit of red crept up his neck, making his skin darker still. I

could almost smell the worry in him. It added a spicy edge to the scent of a guy who’d been climbing most
of the day. “Belt’s busted. I tore back from the site yesterday. Wasn’t paying the greatest attention, I guess,
and thrashed it about a mile down the road. Ran the rest of the way back to the house.”

You don’t know how hard it was not to drool over that image. Sweat running down Kabe’s chest,

back, face, pounding down the trail with all those muscles working overtime. I got to get out more often,
‘cause these fantasies would drive me nuts. ‘Course now I figured where that fear came from. “T ain’t
gonna hold that against you, no how.” I grinned and slapped his thigh. “Okay, well, I guess it’s my day off,
I could take my truck. Probably best anyhow. I’ll pick up the rest of my rack and my gear. You still got
yours packed up? We’ll be up all day, best to be prepared if we get stuck out there.”

“Yeah, camping stuff’s still strapped to the ATV,” a weight seemed to come off his shoulders with my

reassurance. “But I can take Buddy out and haul it back.”

“You know,” I snorted, “there’s some kinda justice that you’re going to use a mule to tow a broken

four-wheeler back to the ranch.” Then I stood and stretched. “I’ll meet you back here at first light. Can
you be up that early?”

“Yeah.” Kabe stood too. “Most of my climbs start before dawn.” There was a little wistful note in his

voice.

Darn, he probably wanted me to stay, give some excuse. And I could, Lord knew I could, but

something told me not to make it easy on him. A guy like him probably hadn’t been turned down much.
And like he’d said that morning, I didn’t want to be seen as a pushover. Heck, if he was here for the
whole length of his parole, it gave me two years to make it hard on him. Not that I’d wait that long. I
smiled to myself and headed toward my car. As I pulled open the door, I shot the grin back at him. “I just
never know with city folk, y’all are a strange breed.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER FIVE

“So, how long we gonna keep at this?”
I looked over to see Kabe plunking his butt on a log and swigging water from his bottle. Sweat

darkened his shirt in a V down the front. His hair hung in damp tangles against his neck and forehead.
We’d been up, down, around and over this part of the mountain all day. So far, we’d found a whole lotta
nothing.

Huffing out a breath, I dropped down on a bare patch of ground opposite him. “Until we find

something.” Easy and slow, I stretched out my legs and hooked my elbows behind my back, not quite lying
down. Sorta like an easy chair, but not as comfortable.

“We may never find anything,” he grumbled and shook his head. Little beads of sweat spun off. “You

know that.”

“It’s got to be here.” If it was out here I had to find it. One of those threads I couldn’t let loose until

I’d followed it to the end.

He rolled his head back and stared at the sky. Then he grumbled, “Unless Gunter was completely full

of shit.”

I let the obscenity slide without comment. “You said it yourself. That little gal was all about her

pictures. She wouldn’t have gone anywhere without that camera.”

“What if it’s with Gunter’s stuff?”
I pulled out my own water bottle and thought for a moment before knocking the drink back. How much

should I tell Kabe? Pretty much everything that had been said about the case had been said in front of him.
“It wasn’t.”

With a snort, Kabe’s head came up. He glared at me. The hinges of Hell couldn’t be hotter. “How do

you know?”

“Called Fred.” I tucked the bottle between my knees and fished for a bit of jerky. As I ground it

between my teeth, I

finished up the thought, “Asked him if he found it when he was helping Gunter pack up. Not there.”
“So it’s out here?” Arm swinging wide, Kabe included the world in his question. “Somewhere?”
“Yep.”
Another sigh sounded before Kabe pushed off the log and stumbled toward me. He landed heavy in the

dirt at my side. “And you’re going to keep looking for it until you find it?”

If’n I thought it was more than him playing at exhaustion, I’d have been worried. Instead I just

confirmed, “Yep.” We’d hit the area just before noon. Nothing never got started when I wanted, and we’d
been searching ever since. My bones were work-weary, too.

“Look.” He reached up and snagged the last of the jerky from my fingers. That took a lot of pluck. I’d

arrested men for less. “It’s getting toward dark.” Shading his eyes with one hand, Kabe popped the bit
between his teeth and studied the sky. “We’ve been out here six, seven hours.” A bump on my thigh with
the back of his fist said he wanted my attention. Lord knew he didn’t need to try and get it. “Why don’t we
pack it in?”

I’d done darn near everything ‘cept lasso and hogtie Kabe into the back of my pickup to get him up

here. Then I’d spent the rest of the day doing my best to avoid him, sending him off in different directions
to search. “We got a little more light left.” I hedged. The little ways I tortured myself…one of these days
I’d drive myself nuts.

“Right,” he huffed, shifting until he could prop his back against my shoulder, “and we should use it to

drive out.”

“You got any place better to be?” I certainly couldn’t think of a finer place to be at that moment.

Touching him like that, sharing a huge blue sky. The wind got the trees whispering and the ground
squirrels romanced each other. Near perfect afternoon with just us together. And I loved the mountains,
loved ‘em like my own life. Nothing in the world could compare to a huge sky miles from any hint of
civilization. Reminded me of sex…the openness of it, the forgetting yourself in the moment of it, losing
your soul to something bigger and touching creation for just a second. Closet romantic, me.

A lot of silence passed between us. Not the hard, uncomfortable sort, but the kind that a couple of guys

out doing not much of anything could share. Finally he answered, “No.”

“Then let’s keep looking.” I sat up, pulling my knees up and slinging my arms over them. It meant

Kabe had to move, which meant he wasn’t touching me no more, but my arms were gonna go to sleep if
I’d kept trying to maintain that position. “We brought our gear, we can stay the night and drive back home
tomorrow. But I want to find that camera or show that I did everything in my power to prove there wasn’t
one.” I shook my head as I wrapped one hand around the back of his neck. One of those little more than
friendly, but not quite brotherly, gestures that could wind up anywhere along the buddy spectrum.
“Gunter’s not a US citizen. Which means he’s on a visa that is going to expire sooner or later. And, at this
point, all we got is a pocket full of suspicions. That ain’t enough to hold him here. We need something.”

Kabe didn’t pull away. In fact he leaned into my touch just a hair. A subtle play of touches that could

mean anything to anyone. “You really think if we find her camera, it’s gonna help? I mean we’ve been
looking forever along every path we could find.” His knee fell sideways a skosh, brushing mine. Playing
at touching without really touching.

“It’s gotta be here, somewhere.” I let my hand linger on his skin. Kneading the knots in his neck with

my fingertips, I added, “If it’s not, that’s important, too. But, you know, I always got to think there’s going
to be a hot shot attorney coming on my heels treating me like a dumb hick.” That had happened before and
weren’t pleasant to go through. “‘Deputy, why do you think there’s no camera? Did you look everywhere?
Cover every inch of ground?’ And I want to be able to answer, ‘as much as humanly possible.’”

“I think we’ve walked every bit of this ridge. We’ve been a few miles either way. Split up, together,

circles, grids… my neck is killing me from looking down at my feet.” Kabe rolled his head and then his
shoulders like he enjoyed the not-quitemassage. If he liked that, I could come up with something he’d like
better. Instead I just kept sitting and touching and rubbing his neck. Neither of us acknowledged what I
was doing more than that. Kabe was a big enough boy to ask for what he wanted, if’n that’s what he
wanted. “I don’t know about you when you went off that direction, but I know I was checking everything.
It’s not on the ground up here, not that I can find. And I couldn’t find it looking over the cliff. I don’t know
what has happened to the camera, but it’s not around.”

“Okay look,” I left off the contact and stood. Didn’t much want to, but sooner or later we’d have to

move. “Likely Anya’d stay on a trail when she left camp. I don’t know the gal, but picture taking requires
some concentration.” Smacking the dust off my butt, I looked around and thought on it. “I’m guessing, she
wouldn’t want to be beating a new path. And we know, I should say we’ve been told, she was headed
toward the rim. There’s only a handful of animal trails leading this way from the camp. 'Course one's
kinda mucked up since all of us used it to get out here.” I pointed from the place where we pulled Anya
outta the canyon back toward the woods. This was the spot we’d returned to time and again…the center of
our world for the duration of the search. “We’ll walk them one last time. Let’s not be so focused though.
Maybe she didn’t go out by herself. Maybe she didn’t get to the face on her own power. Let’s just hike
‘em and take in the big picture.”

Kabe snorted, “You just want to be out here until dark. Don’t you?” He clambered to his feet, those

deep green eyes teasing me.

“Pardon?”
Stepping in real close he leered, “You’re trying to keep us out here until it’s too late to drive back.

Tell me I’m crazy.”

“Crazy no. Wrong-headed yep. I am, right now, wanting to solve this puzzle. Even if you weren’t out

here with me, I’d be doing the same thing.” That was true.

Course Kabe also had me dead to rights on the other. But there ain’t nothing in the manual that says I

can’t mix two reasons. Lot of things in my religion said I shouldn’t. But I’d pretty much decided I would
walk the wrong side of my faith when I’d cooked up the idea to drag Kabe along. A lonely, cold bed…
heck, it’s a lonely, cold bed, and I was near to my fill of that. This solution seemed so much more
satisfying then sneaking off to Vegas for a weekend. Hollow cruising Friday and Saturday night and
everyone assuming I’d gone off to the Temple there to do work for the dead—posthumous baptisms,
saving the deceased by proxy and all. Luckily, no one ever reported back to the Bishop whether I’d
actually been or not.

I glared back him and growled, “‘Cept I’d be out here without all the arguing about going home.”

Didn't like having him point out my lying to myself.

“Okay,” he shrugged, like he pretended it didn’t matter to him. “If that’s what you want to believe.”
“It’s the honest truth.” I even kept a straight face as I said it.
And we walked. We walked a lot. Back over places we’d been two and three times in some cases.

The problem with tracking a nature freak is that they really tried to follow the take nothing but pictures,
leave nothing but footprints saying. No trail of candy wrappers and cast-off bottles to make it easy to tell
where Anya’d been. I had to guess as to where she’d gone, and I hated guessing.

Anya could have cut cross-country. Most people don’t do that, preferring the path of least resistance.

So logically, she’d likely followed a cleared path. There were three game traces that lead toward the rim.
One of them was so overgrown and narrow that no matter how hard anyone tried, they’d have been like a
bulldozer plowing through and the trail was too pristine. Figured she hadn’t gone down that one. The
others we went over with a fine toothcomb. Again.

I hated to give up. Finally had to. Kabe kept pointing out that we were running out of daylight. Trying

to pick our way back to the lower clearing where I’d parked the truck got more hazardous as the golden-
red wash of sun faded and blue

shadows took its place. A good, deep twilight settled down over the forest before we made it back to

the pickup.

“Well,” Kabe griped from behind me as we closed the last yards to my truck. “I guess you got your

wish.”

“What wish?” Whoa, Nelly, I sounded grumpy, too. I needed to sit down and swallow some grub.
“A night under the stars.” It came out far less romantically than the words might otherwise. “Truck

bed camping, woohoo.” All the enthusiasm of a guy who’s sore, tired and frustrated carried over in his
tone.

“Quit complaining. I’ll feed you, you’ll feel better.” I even dredged up a smile for that. Doubted he

could see it in the twilight, but maybe. “Why don’t you drop your pack and go get some wood for a fire. A
good campfire always helps.” He didn’t even answer. Kabe’s pack hit the ground with a thump then I
heard his boots crashing back into the duff. I looked back to see him stalking off into the trees. I shrugged
out of my own pack.

Okay, well, I could get camp settled. Wasn’t too hard to brush clear a place for a fire, gather a few

stones to ring it and I called it done. Then I popped the pickup’s shell and dropped the gate so I could
crawl inside the bed. I didn’t have one of those full sized campers, just a low shell to keep rain off my
gear. Still it was big enough that you could sit kinda hunched over in the back. I crawled up in and started
to rummage for what we needed to make life livable again.

A little two-burner propane stove with the disposable propane bottles got hauled out of the stash of

junk. Momentary panic hit me with the first bottle I found. An old one, an empty one that I’d forgotten to
refill a while back. Yeah, they say disposable, but a little coupler and you can refill them from your

bigger tank. The next one was fine so we’d have hot food. Cooking on a campfire…best left to the Boy
Scouts earning a badge.

I always kept a supply of canned and dried food, enough for three days, in my truck and my patrol car:

search and rescue and all, never knew when I might get called out and whether it might take more than a
day. Every few months I’d rotate the stock into my pantry. Tonight I worked camp cooking magic, a can of
tinned beef, tomatoes, corn, kidney beans, chili beans— none of it drained—and a packet of chili
seasonings. Dump it all in and cook it up. Great stuff when you’ve been out climbing all day.

Kabe wandered back into the makeshift camp carting an armful of wood. While we didn’t need it for

cooking, a camp without a fire seemed somehow pretty sorry. Dropping the wood near the cleared fire
pit, he sniffed the air. “Wow, what is that smell?”

“Chili.” I looked up and caught Kabe staring at me like I’d grown two heads or something. “You’re

not a vegetarian or anything weird, right?” You meet some real new-agey health nuts on the walls.
Probably should have asked before I started cooking, but heck, my take on it has always been if someone
else cooks it, I’ll eat it and say it tastes fine by me. Gift horses, mouths and all that hooey.

“Nope,” he laughed. The sound flowed pure and natural around me. “Run it through, cut off a hunk of

beef and I’m good. Body temperature is just about right.” Dropping down to kneel by the soon-to-be-
campfire, Kabe began to wad up the papers I’d set out for the purpose. “So you know how to really cook
outdoors?” Carefully he stacked the paper, kindling and wood. Yep, we’d have a small, but proper fire.
“Not just a handful of dried fruit and a packet of ramen.”

I grinned at the recitation of a backpacker’s diet: easy to make, fairly light to carry and boring as all

get out. Certainly, I was no gourmet, but food ought to do more than just keep you moving. Weren’t all that
hard to go a little extra. “Be real nice I’ll make you powdered milk and instant oatmeal pancakes
tomorrow.” I teased as I stood and wandered over. “Can’t stand survivalist cooking. So I learned how to
do it right on limited means.”

Not looking at me, Kabe asked, “What do I get if I’m better than nice?” The tone was so flat it had to

be teasing. The kind that pretended the words didn’t mean what everyone darn well knew they did.

“Depends on what you like.” We danced around everything like a couple shy gals; teasing, not saying

nothing direct. Somehow that felt okay by me. Never really had the chance to play those kinda games with
words and not quite touches. Kabe courted me as much as I did him and this was all part of the sport to
make it taste real sweet once we finally got the candy.

“Cream.” A quick flick of his eyes dared me to laugh and break the spell. “Lots of it.”
Oh, I could play that. “You might have to work for cream.”
“Working for it always makes it taste so much better.” He waggled his eyebrows before snorting it

back. Yep, Kabe broke first…score one for the deputy. I was downright pleased with myself for that.

Kabe finished setting the fire and got it going. While he managed that, I fixed the truck bed into a fairly

serviceable tent. Three older self-inflating pads set cross-wise through the bed meant I wouldn’t lose any
feeling in my shoulders and hips come morning. Heck, I wasn’t old, but I sure as heck wasn’t no twenty-
year-old that could sleep on the hard ground and wake up raring to go. I set the small portable radios into
the dashboard charger—didn’t use enough power to run the truck’s battery down—fished out the shake-n-
bake flashlight and tossed it onto the bed. By the time I finished that, the fire crackled, chili was ready and
night settled down around us.

The first few minutes after I’d served up dinner were spent shoveling food into our mouths. You never

knew how hungry you were on a hike until someone handed you grub. When the pace settled down to
something that didn’t resemble a couple of starved wolves on a deer, Kabe shifted and stared at the fire.
The gold-red light, the way it danced, did all sorts of interesting things as it worked over his skin. Mostly
it made him more good looking than I imagined humanly possible.

“Hey, Joe,” a whole ‘nother Kabe came out in those two words. A little unsure, kinda respectful and

really pretty serious. Each time I saw something new, it caused me to wonder just how deep that boy
went. Somehow, I figured pretty darn deep, like a cool, dark well, full of secrets and sweet water. “Ah,
can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything,” I mumbled around a mouthful of chili, “I reserve the right not to answer.”
He fell quiet for a bit, and I wondered if I’d shied him off whatever he meant to ask. Then he set his

bowl down and looked straight at me. “Are you Mormon?”

Now there was a mine field if’n I ever saw one. Unfortunately it was one I had to cross. “Yeah,” I

huffed, not liking to talk about it with someone… well someone I kinda figured to do a whole lotta non-
religious type of worshiping to if’n I had my way. “I’m a member of the LDS church.” Talking about it
always reminded me the lie I lived. I did not want to be reminded right then. “Why?”

I didn’t get no answer. When I’d about thought he’d left the subject, I got hit with another question,

“Are you a good Mormon?”

“Depends on your definition of good.” I shrugged and dropped my bowl at my feet. Conversation

killed my appetite.

Slowly he ate another couple mouthfuls, like he was thinking of how to describe it. “Coffee?”
“I ain’t heartless…I carry some for those friends of mine who might need it, want some?”
“I wasn’t asking if you had it. Do you drink it?”
Somehow that always ended up as the benchmark of the religion. Don’t know why, but I guess it came

across as the weirdest normal thing the LDS did. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“Nope. No coffee, no tea, no booze.” I picked up a stick and tossed it to the flames. “I keep pretty strict on
nothing with caffeine.”

“But you, ah,” he looked up and even in the dancing light of the fire I could tell there was some hard

thinking going on behind those eyes, “oh, never mind.”

Yeah, I’d messed with his head the other day out on the wall. Guess he was trying to add two and two

and coming up with five. “Look, Kabe, I don’t take sacrament, haven’t in a while.” I tried to explain it as
best I could. Knew I wouldn’t be too successful, never managed to fully settle it all in my own mind.
“Tell my Bishop it’s ‘cause some of the things I do as a deputy put that into a little conflict…fights and
all. Then, also my schedule, I got to work Sundays, so I ain’t honoring that, plus it makes me miss a lot of
things they say I should be doing, including my conferences with the Bishop.” Since I’d never had to lay it
out before, I don’t know as I did even a passable job at explaining. “So I ain’t a bad Mormon, but I ain’t
necessarily considered a good one neither.” The best I could do was try. “But I believe in it, I got my faith
deep in me and I’m pretty darn sure God loves me, no matter what. Cain’t manage more than that.”

“Oh. Okay.” Man it sounded like I darn near killed him…like a kid who’s just figured out Santa

Clause don’t bring you no toys. He stared at the fire a might, then stood like someone’d yanked his strings.
He held out a hand to me. “Look you cooked, I’ll wash up.”

I handed up my bowl. Before letting it go, I asked. “You alright there, Kabe?”
“I’m fine.” He sure didn’t sound it.
We spent the rest of the evening dancing 'round each other. Every time I’d move near, give Kabe a

hand or something, he’d back off. Perplexed me for a bit because of how he acted when we went down
for Anya, but then I reasoned it through. Up there, out there, we played at top dog. There’s lots of ways to
land on the top of the heap…beat ‘em, or scare ‘em so bad they got the jitters every time they looked at
you. For a lot of guys Kabe’s stunt would have given them a case of heebee-jeebees to beat the band. That
weren’t me, but he wouldn’t have known it. Maybe he figured I’d just done what I did to spook him back.
Like I said before, gay and Mormon just don’t add up in most people’s minds.

I could be patient. Lord knows I’ve been patient most my life. While he edged ‘round the camp,

putting out the fire, making sure no food got left out to attract critters, I went and fixed things up just a bit.
I switched on the little battery lantern I carried and hung it from the latch on the camper gate. Kabe’s

sleeping bag weren’t more than a cocoon of black and yellow that wadded down to about the size of a
softball. I’d seen ‘em before, never could fit my shoulders in one of those extreme mummy bags. ‘Course
mine weren’t much bigger than his. I could stuff it down to basketball size for packing.

What I had, that I used when I could, was a good set of army surplus blankets. Tossed one on the mats,

be enough insulation for the mountain night, although even in summer it tended to get down into the forties.
Then I unzipped both bags and sandwiched them between a couple more blankets. I was just rolling up the
last I carried to serve as kind of a pillow—I like my comfort—when I heard him come up behind me.

“Getting all domestic?” Kabe’s voice caught me up short as I moved to the side. He looked over my

shoulder and into the back of the truck. Pretty obvious I wasn’t planning on us sleeping solo. “What are
you doing?”

There were about a hundred lies I could have passed. None of them would have been half close to the

truth. I went for as close as I could get. “Look, gets chilly up here, but not freezing. No sense in being
wadded up into one of those torture bags when we don’t have to. This way we can spread out a bit.
Although I will warn you I do tend to be a bit of a blanket hog.” ‘Course I left off the part about not having
to unzip two bags to get near his skin.

Kabe sat on the back gate of the truck and started unlacing his boots. Not even looking at me, he asked.

“Are you sure you want to do it that way?”

I laughed a little to put him at ease. “I wouldn’t have set it up if I weren’t.” Then I sat down heavy and

began fighting with my own boots. “Tie your laces together and there’s some hooks along the windows.
Hang your boots from that. It’ll keep the critters out of ‘em.”

After hanging up our boots we crawled into the truck bed and I pulled the top and bottom gate closed.

Our own little metal cabin that smelled vaguely of oil and mildew. A little awkward, and still in our
clothes, we managed to burrow under the blankets. Kabe rolled onto his side, back to me, as I switched
off the lantern. Deep and solid, a night in the mountains settled down. ‘Course it’s never full dark out in
the wild. Your eyes just have to take time to adjust. I shucked my fleece pullover and tossed it over my
head. Without really thinking, I moved in close to his body. Then I caught myself and pulled back. Guess it
felt nine kinds of restless to him ‘cause his body went tense. For the second time that night he asked,
“What are you doing, Joe?”

I shouldn’t have been that close to him, bunked down in the bed of the truck. It wasn’t all that cold, so

I didn’t have the excuse of needing warmth…at least not the physical kind. I tempt myself sometimes. I
shouldn’t, but I do it all the same.

Instead I mumbled, “Don’t rightly know.” Lying’s a sin, but so was what I was contemplating. And

although I’d worked at getting to this point…now that I was here, well, cold feet started. There’s a big
difference between wishing you was doing something and the actual getting it done. And this wasn’t no
back room in a bar or a glory hole where I didn’t even have to look at who I was with. This was Kabe.
Someone I knew and who knew me. Knew who I was, what I was. Good Lord, I’d backed myself into a
box canyon.

“Somehow, I think you know exactly what you’re doing.” He laughed, rolled over a bit, brushing my

thigh with his. Everything started to ache. My pulse pounded down between my legs. “I don’t think you
ever do anything without thinking it through.” As he moved, I scooted back some. Last thing I needed was
for Kabe to discover the pipe in my pants. I wanted him but knew I should just let it be. As I squirreled
away, my leg banged into the toolbox and a pile of rope spilled down across our legs. “You ought to
clean out the back of this truck once in a while.”

“Back of my truck’s like a tent.” I shifted again, feeling that lean, taut frame against my side. “Lots of

room for gear, not a lot of room for people.” And no room for me to run away.

“Well,” Kabe took the few inches of floor I’d given up, “then I’m lucky, huh?”
“Lucky?”

“Means I have to get close to you, and you can’t run away.”
“Yeah,” that swallow stuck hard in my throat, “kinda does.”
“I don’t hear you complaining.”
He had me pegged dead to rights. “No way I’d complain about that.” How sweet it felt. A guy up

against me, hard muscles sliding under my hand when I reached up to run my touch down his arm.

“I sorta figured that might be the case.” Kabe’s soft laugh filled the whole space. “Although you threw

me a bit earlier. You know, with the Mormon act.”

“Ain’t no act,” I whispered as I pulled him near, “but I don’t want to talk about it.” I burrowed my

head into that warm space where his neck met his shoulder. “I like how you smell.” Good, clean, healthy
sweat a few hours old seeped off his skin. It echoed with canyon winds and the smoke from the pine fire
we’d built to keep warm.

“I like your ass.” Punctuating his point, Kabe took a good grab. Solid fingers dug into my butt,

kneading the cheeks and pulling me close. “Are the other parts just as good?” Then his hold slid around,
up under my shirt and undershirt. He worked his fingers along my ribs, pushing the fabric up with his
wrists. Every time his touch hit my skin, I twitched.

This was the do-or-die moment. My last chance to back off and say it’s all been a big

misunderstanding, nothing personal. And I just let it pass on by. Instead I yanked both my shirts off so fast
my fist banged the roof of the camper shell. “You’ll have to tell me.” I hissed and dove back in to taste his
skin.

The hair that no longer populated my scalp carpeted my chest and belly. Not like I boasted a pelt or

anything, but smooth I ain’t. Where I lacked fur, I sported freckles. Thank goodness it was dark enough in
the back of the pickup to blur a detail like that. Damn things are cute on a twelve-year-old, in a few more
years I’d be two times past that stage. I don’t think I’d ever been cute.

I’d heard someone call it a treasure trail before. All I know is that I treasured any man who trailed

their hands through it. Set my skin to jumping as Kabe ran his fingers down my abs. My cock reared up to
meet his touch even through my shorts and climbing pants.

I kept kissing, sucking on that warm flesh as I fumbled getting him out of his own shirt. The slick

material gave me fits. I was almost frustrated enough to just say to heck with it and rip the damn thing to
get at him. Kabe saved me. He chuckled and wriggled out of his clothes like a snake shedding its skin…
only a lot faster. Not quite as graceful, I shoved my remaining clothes off, kicking them somewhere
toward the bottom of the makeshift bed.

Kabe pushed up against me, his hips grinding into my own. When his prick brushed mine, I started

shaking. Far as I could tell, he was longer, I was thicker; six of one, half dozen of another…it was all
good. Especially when I knew I was gonna get it. All night, if I wanted.

I certainly wanted.
Finally, I went in for a real kiss. Tarnation, his mouth tasted so good, like water for a man thirsty near

death. His tongue fought with mine and burnt my senses all to ashes. My touches roamed over his skin,
memorizing the map of his muscles and joints. All warm, tight and strung like fissures lacing a granite
face. I could climb that mountain a thousand times and never get tired of the pitch. When Kabe’s hand
wrapped around my prick, I jerked like he’d yanked cords in my belly. He had. Every nerve in my body
was tied to that handful of hard flesh.

“You know, Kabe, I ain’t got nothing here.”
“S’okay, I do.” Somehow he managed to get it out while sucking on my ear.
I snorted, couldn’t help myself, “You just carry that stuff around?”
“No,” that earned me a bite to the same bit of skin. “I packed it when you said make sure to bring the

camping gear.”

“You knew I was, ah, into guys?” Of course I’d licked his neck. If he’d have been deaf, blind and

dumb he’d still have caught that.

“No.” Kabe pulled back from me. In the dark, I felt lost without his skin against mine. I could just

make out his shadow as he propped up and fished in the gear. “I figured you might be, but you at least
were like all horny fuckers and would take something if somebody offered and you didn’t think you’d get
caught.” I heard the growl of a zipper and some rustling. “But you’re gay, huh?”

“I like guys.” I traced my thumb down the ridge of his spine. Kabe arched his back like a cat. If he

could have purred, I’d have laid good money down that he would have. “I don’t know as I’d say gay, I
mean, that’s like big city folks is gay, decorating and partying and all that.” He rolled back into my body,
little snorts echoing amusement. “Why are you laughing at me?” He was laughing, that boy was having one
on me.

“Is that what you think of me?” Something cold, plastic and about an inch square got pushed into my

hand as Kabe wormed back under the blanket and closer to me. Along with it, he passed over a twisted
little tube of what I figured must be lube.

“You, naw. I mean, yeah, you’re… oh, heck I’m just going to bury myself if I try and explain it. You’re

a city boy, but you ain’t, I don’t know, like those guys on TV or in the club in Vegas where I sometimes
go.” The place filled with pretty boys almost every night of the week. While I didn’t drink, I could usually
find someone to go down or bend over. But, man, I knew girls who were less feminine than the boys at the
club.

“You’re sexy when you’re flustered.” Kabe’s thumb ran along my jaw as he teased. “You get flustered

when you screw?” While Kabe may have been a pretty boy, there weren’t nothing fem about him.

“Not usually, no.” I growled and snapped at his hand. The darn ropes still tangled on top of my legs. I

shoved them back as much as I could without getting up.

“Good. Fuck me.” Kabe hissed, the sound pouring down my spine and lighting fires everywhere.

“Pound my ass, Joe, like a good gay hick.”

I stopped squirming, my fingers caught in the tangle of a prussic loop. It hit me with a germ of an idea

and I fished for a second. Then I rolled over, pinning him under my weight, the prussics in my grip. “You
gonna pay for that.” I had his left arm wedged beneath my body. Kabe’s right was free, but only for so
long.

“Think so?” He thrust his hips against me and his prick dug into my belly.
I was going to Hell for how good this felt. “Know so.” I grabbed his right wrist and looped the

prussic a couple times around his arm, slid the knotted end through the open loop and tugged it down. The
magic climbing knot was good for when you needed a knot to hold when you wanted and slip when you
wanted. And I could do them quick and fast and in my sleep if I had to.

Kabe squirmed and tried to pull away. “What the fuck.”
There is something to be said for not only being bigger and stronger, but in a position of strength.

Really hard to fight someone off when you’re under ‘em. “Stay still, boy.” I laughed and hooked the rope
on a tie-down hook on the camper shell, up by the window into the cab. Then I shifted and his left hand
came free. It shot up to worry at his bound wrist and I caught him.

“Fuck, shit, Joe.” All that anger boiled itself into my balls and made me want him more. I didn’t think

that was humanly possible. I already felt like my prick was about to split its skin. “What the fuck are you
doing?”

Just as quick, I knotted the other cord and strung him up. “Having some fun.” This time weren’t so

easy as Kabe knew what I was up to. He struggled, getting his knees up under him, and twisted, trying to
yank the wrist off the peg. Still, I managed. Darn strange what desire, determination and a little know-how
can do for someone. I wrapped my arms around his middle and pulled him back some.

Oh, Lord, it was beautiful.
Kabe’s arms stretched above him. Whole body bowed: his hands tied behind his head, form straining

in a perfect arc to where his knees kissed the bed of my truck. Thin hard muscle stood out on every inch of
him, visible as light shadows cut across dark. Watching him, I tore into the little packet…amazed I could
find it after that bit of wrestling, and rolled it down on my aching dick. Then I leaned in and licked the
blade of his shoulder, followed it right down to his pit and buried my nose in the scent of him. That’s
about when Kabe stopped struggling, at least so much.

After a day of hiking ‘round these hills, the flavor was all him. A little sweet, real thick and coated

with the metal tinge that outdoor work brought on. I lost myself in licking Kabe, every single inch. Those
hard brown nubs of his nipples rolled in my teeth. The dips in his abs as they flowed down towards his
hot prick almost got me lost in exploring. The only thing I didn’t go for was his dick. It was too much fun
feeling him try and wriggle his way toward my mouth every time I got close.

When I finally reached his hole, me down between his knees and his legs up on my shoulders, it tasted

like sin and salvation all rolled up into one copper-flavored well of musk. That puckered flesh resisted
my tongue for only a bit. Then it gave and I was drilling his hole with my kiss. I don’t even rightly
remember how long I spent eating out that tight ass. But when I finally came up for air, I’d reduced Kabe
to incoherent moans somewhere between cursing and praying.

I scooted up to him, pulling him onto my chest and belly, his back to my front. As I moved, I slid over

the lube and fished it from underneath my butt. In trying to get the top off with my ham-handed fingers, I
ripped it. Same difference, that darn thing was open. The little twisted tube gave out the dregs of gel with
one squeeze. I’d make do. I slicked down my prick some and pushed the rest into his ass with my fingers.
Not the easiest from my position, but I managed. Kabe moaned and I think I did, too.

Kabe’s legs spread wide over my thighs. As I took control of his body, one big hand wrapped over

each sharp bladed hip, I parted his knees from behind with mine. My head bumped his hole and we both
hissed. I rocked us, gentle as I could, slowly working my prick into his ass. The position clenched his butt
into a whole vice of steel. I’d never been with anyone so open and so tight all at once. ‘Course my
experiences didn’t rate as extensive no-how.

Soft, warm skin over a layer of muscle drove me insane. Rough as it was on a little lube and a lot of

desperation, I could die happy this way. Each stroke stoked fires into my joints. The bruises I pounded
into my butt and back on the truck bed would be wonderful reminders of Kabe’s sweet, hot hole.

My hands wandered over the contours of his body. The boy was perfect. He twitched and twisted on

the rope whenever my fingers ran over a sensitive spot. The moves jammed him hard on my dick, making
me insane. His hard cock jerked every time I drove in deep. A silken black rod rearing up in the
moonlight, I could just see the outline of it over the ridge of his bent body. Sweat shimmered on his skin,
catching the light of the stars.

I lost myself in the beauty of it: the heat of his body, the way we moved. I didn’t even realize I was

there until I slid over, pumping wet heat all up inside him. For a while it was all I could do to lay there
and try and breathe. Kabe still trembled on top of me. I pulled out and managed to untangle our legs.
Whoa, the boy’s prick still stood proud, even though I hadn’t touched him none. Not all guys that I’d
known keep a hard-on through a pounding, especially if they weren’t being touched. I got up on my side
some. No way I could go up on my knees in the back of the truck.

Leaning over, I licked just the head of his prick. Kabe moaned…one of those long drawn out

desperate sounds that sent aftershocks rolling through my system. All damp and spicy, he tasted so good. I
pulled the sweat of pre-cum off the tip with my tongue. Savored him. Kabe’s body was meant to be
enjoyed. I reveled in sucking him. Wrapping my mouth over his pick, I sucked down hard. One hand
worked down under his sac and slid into that open ass, still puckering from a pounding, my other fist
pumped him, meeting my lips each time I went down.

The shakes started again. And Kabe babbled, “Fuck, Joe, fuck.” I felt his balls tighten against my

wrist. A long, drawn out hiss of “fuck” clued me in and I pulled off. Two more pumps on that velvet pole

and Kabe shot. His cum boiled through my fingers, all hot and sticky. Musk welled up and over me,
searing through my senses and hitting deep. I just kept sliding my spunk-covered hand over and down his
prick until I couldn’t pull no more out of his body.

I could have untied him then, but I didn’t. I knew his arms had to be screaming. Still, Kabe could take

it for a little longer. I wanted to look at him like this, cum drying into little diamonds caught in the hairs
around his tight, large balls. Sweat coated his dark skin with moonlight. His face turned to the side, lying
on his arm with his eyes closed and mouth open. Exertion plastered his thick hair to his scalp. All of it
coated in blue, blurred shadow of night vision. Someone was going to accuse me of being a romantic
thinking like this…but he was so damn fine, like a darn shot out of one of those fancy, degenerate
magazines I had stashed under my mattress.

Running my hands over his chest and neck, I savored the slick skin trembling with exhaustion. A fine

stallion that’s run his heart for me and ain’t got more to give. As I worked up his arms, I didn’t want to
lose this. Not just yet. Couldn’t be helped though. Easy, trying to keep his back balanced on my knees, I
pulled Kabe’s wrists off the hook. He sagged and I caught him, pulling down onto the blankets with me. `

Oh man, now that it was done, things like circulation registered. I was a thick hick. My fingers

fumbled, trying to loosen the knots around his wrists. Soon as the rope let go, I started rubbing. Search
and rescue training had to be good for something after all. “Lord, Kabe, I’m sorry. Didn’t half think that
through.”

“Ow, shit, s’okay, man.” Kabe hissed as blood pumped back into his palms, warming his hands under

mine. He flexed his fingers and I helped restore flow by kneading the joints in my big hands. “It’s just
from being hung up, you know.”

We worked his wrists and hands until he said it all seemed right. Then Kabe and I both got out of the

truck for a moment, not bothering to find our clothes, and took care of some things. Way closer to the truck
than we should have. Heck we were nekkid and it was getting mighty chilly. After we crawled back in
and buttoned up the back, I settled down next to him, pulling him to me. His back against my chest, that
long, lean form pressed into mine. A sight short of perfect. I nuzzled into his ear and smelled sex on his
skin. “Thanks.” I mumbled. I could hear the sleep in my own voice.

Kabe yawned, “What?” Like he hadn’t quite heard me right.
“I said,” I nipped the skin behind his ear, “thank you. For everything.” When it seemed like he was

about to say something else, ask a question or something, I shushed him, “Sleep now, boy. We done wrung
all the sun outta this day.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER SIX

The morning broke about an hour after I was already up. Mountain rhythm, I fall into it so fast

sometimes. My back ached from sleeping in the bed of my pickup and every muscle protested as I moved.
The only parts that weren’t complaining were wrapped up around Kabe. I lazed in his embrace, as much
as manageable while bundled in a pile of sleeping bags and spare blankets. Somewhere among the
hellacious mess surrounding us, my clothes hid.

I couldn’t recollect the last time I’d slept nekkid.
I don’t think I’d ever slept nekkid an entire night with anyone.
Still, here I was—mostly warm and definitely satisfied and just breathing in his scent with the

morning air. Ain’t nothing like either. The sharp cut of pine mixed with the metallic taste from dew hitting
the ground washed over me with the blue light of dawn. I grew up with that smell, reminded me of being
alive. Now, layered into it, a deep, earthy musk surrounded me. It drifted off Kabe’s skin and burrowed
into my senses. There was a ghost of mint there too, maybe from whatever soap he used.

His muscles teased my fingers as I ran my touch down his arm. All I wanted right then was to touch

him. Not a bit more. The wonder of exploring where his hip joined his groin kept me entertained
something fierce. My other hand played with the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Felt almost like I was in
some cheesy chick flick morning after scene. ‘Cept there wasn’t nothing girly about Kabe. Truthfully, I’d
never managed the chance to be intimate like this. Never met anyone I’d cared to be intimate with. Until
now.

Why him, kept circling my brain. Lord Almighty, but he fascinated me, and not just the pretty boy

outside, although I couldn’t lie and say that didn’t play a part. All of him. Guarded out among folk, a dog
that learned to bite so as to not get kicked. But then I saw that bright light in his soul when he took on a
small piece of the mountains. That got me deep and hard. All my life I’d been looking for someone who
understood, felt and knew what I knew about these hills. And dang it all, if it weren’t delivered in the
form of a two-bit jackdaw with a record. I’d done screwed up, dug myself into a well and forgot the
ladder so I could climb out.

“How long,” Kabe’s voice was all mumbled with sleep, “have you been watching me?” He nuzzled

into my side like a cat cozying up to a fire.

I was perfectly content to let him snuggle close. Nights ‘round here are a might chilly and the creak of

the cold hadn’t left the earth yet. No sense in lying, “A while. Didn’t think I needed to shake you out of
bed.”

Kabe stretched. The movement pushed that hard, lean body all along mine. “How come you didn’t

fool around a little?” He finished the tease with a slow good morning kiss. ‘Nother thing I’d never gotten
much of. I savored the feel of stubble and soft lips. His warm breath on my face sent little chills down the
back of my neck. We’d gone at it like jackrabbits the night before…hard and fast. This felt nine kinds of
different. Relaxed, familiar, comfortable—scared me to my bones. Rolling his head, Kabe pulled away.
Darn, over way too soon.

I swallowed, “Who says I didn’t?”
“My dick.” He reached between us and flicked his cock so that it slapped my thigh. “I got morning

wood, but it’s the kind that says I gotta piss…not piss and fuck.”

“Wouldn’t be my right to, I guess.” My hand still rested on his belly. Springy curls tickled my palm. “I

don’t know, seemed maybe a shame to wake you up. Hard enough to sleep in the truck as it is.”

“Got that right.” He grumbled and pushed away. It was almost painful, losing the contact with his skin.

As he rolled over, Kabe jerked the blanket off both of us. The extra clothes, jackets and all we’d piled on
scattered through the truck bed. Instinctively, I reached to grab at the covers. I missed and mountain-crisp

morning air nipped my skin. “Damn.” He laughed and propped himself up on one elbow. “Why do you
hide that under those stupid briefs of yours?” Reaching back, he walked his fingers down my sternum.
Kabe’s touch felt electric. “You’d look so hot in a jock or low-rise. That’s a body made to show off.”

Now I really wanted the blanket back. Since I couldn’t have it, I turned away and started digging

where I figured my clothes might have come to rest. A moment of scrounging and I found the briefs. While
I fought with the fabric, trying to pull them up while flat on my back, I muttered, “They’re just drawers.”
Once they were on my hips I grabbed the rest of my clothes and scrambled to the back of the pickup.
Trying to drop the gate and yank the T-shirt over my head, especially when you can’t stand or sit or
nothing, weren’t easy but I managed. As I slid out the back and hopped into my climbing pants, I hissed
over my shoulder, “I’m supposed to wear them.” Don’t know if he could hear me over the whine of rip-
stop sliding on my skin. “They’re part of my covenant with my church.”

“Holy shit,” Kabe clambered out behind me. “I thought that sacred underwear was a load of crap.”
Wasn’t like he meant to be mean to me when he said it, but I’d heard the snide comments and

downright nastiness heaped on all my life. Sorta soured the warm glow from earlier. “Look, grab some
gorp outta the pack.” I’m certain my words got all muffled as I jerked on the lightweight climbing shirt,
but I didn’t much care at this point. “I think I threw in jerky or canned sausage or something that’d work
for breakfast.” I looked over at Kabe. He stared back, his face unreadable. Don’t know if it was because
I’d pushed a button or he’d realized he’d pushed mine. “I got to take care of business. If I ain’t back in ten,
I’ve gotten hurt.”

After I’d stalked off into the bushes to relieve myself, I managed to calm down a bit. Of course, my Pa

always teased you couldn’t even warm a flea on me when I got hot. They said Joe Peterson simmered, he
never boiled over, and I’d darn sure keep it that way. Why did I ruin the moment by getting ornery? Not
like I was about to back off though. That warn’t me.

A few degrees cooler, I met Kabe back at camp. Still, we downed the trail food in silence. Didn’t say

nothing since there didn’t seem much of anything to say. Packing up the truck was more a function of
slamming the gate and climbing into the cab. I swung the pickup around and headed down. Both the failure
from the previous day and my shortcomings of the morning stung me hard. “Look,” I broke the tough
silence filling the truck, “what you got going today?”

“Nothing. Why?”
“Wanna try from a different perspective?” It hit me as we bounced down the trail how it looked so

different in the going than it had in the coming up. “See if we might find it that way?”

“Looking up instead of down? Might work.” Kabe’s jaw was set hard and all the con had drifted back

down over his eyes. “I got nothing better to do. Not like the ranch needs me. Get more in the way of
everyone than actually get work done.”

“Well then, I’ll use you. Certainly don’t get in my way.” I offered him a smile to show I meant it,

‘cause I did.

“If it’s like the way you used me last night…I don’t think you’ll find the camera up there.” His tease

shut me up quick.

Down the trail and around the base of the cliffs Kabe searched for landmarks, trying to get us in the

general vicinity of where we’d pulled the body of Anya Warner. A good deal of the trip meant back
tracking and side tracking. You never went straight down and there weren’t many trails. Somewhere along
the way, I was pretty sure we’d cut into NPS territory. I had my annual parks pass and stayed on already
cut roads. Worse-case scenario was I’d get busted for having my rifle in the window. The Feds frowned
on firearms on government property.

I got us as close as I could manage…going until there wasn’t any more track to follow. My little

DeLorne GPS, using the longitude and latitude coordinates I got from my notes on the body pull, would
sight us into the target now that we’d narrowed our focus. The DeLorne was lighter than most, even if it

didn’t carry all the bells and whistles. Some of the hotter models might get us within a foot or two with
full color topographical maps and pinpoint triangulation. My own eyes could manage as far as I needed
once I had a decent bearing.

After I parked the truck, I took another reading. The GPS told us what direction and how far we

needed to go. ‘Course that was all in miles as the crow flies not miles of up, down and detouring around
slot canyons. Kabe and I shouldered our packs, including a fair bit of climbing gear, and started the hike
in. Good thing about being the cautious type, I’d planned for a day’s scouting and packed for three. Heck,
you never knew when you might get caught by a sudden flash flood, rock slide across a road, or busted
axle.

My morning irritation slipped a notch with every foot I set in front of t’other. Moving through the

woods, even a sparse one, brought me a little closer to understanding God’s grand plan. Pine needles
crunched beneath our steps and lacy branches created patchworks of sun and shade to wander through.
The shek-shek of Steller’s Jays scolded us. The occasional chatter of the ground squirrels added their
complaints as well. Mostly it was the sound of the wind and a living, breathing conifer forest that
accompanied us.

I turned back to check on Kabe. Not that I thought he needed checking…habit of many a trail hike and

canyon crawl. Sweat beaded around his hairline, gathering to run in little rivers down his cheek. Exertion
raised up a slight flush on his dark skin. His face, his eyes, they were open and honest and I swear he
seemed younger than I knew he was with all the defensive hiding gone. Stripped bare of pretense, living
in the moment and smiling at the sky…I think in that one instant I lost all reason for him.

Sex felt good. His body sure wasn’t hard on the eyes. But that second showed me someone I could

live beside and understand. I could imagine us walking this way for the rest of our lives. I could show him
the giant Douglas Fir in the middle of Wall Street Canyon and he’d marvel. Kabe wouldn’t laugh if I took
him on a five-mile hike just because the stars were more brilliant when you laid on a certain rock at
midnight.

I died inside.
Terrible thing to admit. I’d hoped I’d never find that one special person, ‘cause then it didn’t matter.

My sin was my own; a rare, sometimes thing. Nothing had to change. I’d just go on day-to-day being
Deputy Joe. Finding the right person meant you were a person—plus one. Heavy load of responsibility
that, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. Sharing my life with someone… I’d never manage it. Couldn’t
live that way with everyone knowing. I was ashamed, of me and what I might feel for him. I’d sinned with
him, liked it, and I’d do it again if he asked.

I couldn’t look at him for the next few miles. Keeping my head low and plodding along, my thoughts

ate at me. When we hit the base of the cliff, I breathed a bit easier. I took a final reading that told me we
were off by a few yards.

“Okay,” I pulled out my water, took a swig and tried to pretend it all was normal, “like yesterday. I’ll

go left, you go right and we search for anything unusual.”

Kabe downed his own water before answering. I tried like anything not to stare and failed miserably.

His brilliant smile caught me hard as he spoke. “Sounds like a plan.” He tucked the water away, pulled
the small walkie-talkie out of his pocket, turned it on and checked the battery. Since I’d kept them
charging on the truck’s power all night, we should have had a good few hours of life. “Check in every
fifteen?”

“Yep.” I smiled back and nodded. Kabe gave me a mock salute then started along the wall off toward

my right. I watched him a bit, until he was almost out of my sight in the bends and turns, before heading
left. Even that little bit of loss hit hard, and I knew it was only a temporary thing. How in the world would
I manage tearing myself away from him? I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have given into my sin and
taken us both down. Lord, forgive me for being a weak-willed man.

Hiking along a cliff base while trying to scan the face isn’t the easiest row to hoe when your mind’s

wrapped up in a good dose of self loathing. I tripped over my own feet a couple of times when I got too
distracted by a bit of brush or outcrop of rock. At least the searching kept me from the thinking…about
him and what a miserable human being I was. Moving slow, making sure to look in every fissure from
every angle I could manage, I searched. Like clockwork, fifteen minutes would drift by and Kabe and I
would compare the whole lot of nothing we’d discovered.

Eventually I lost focus. Not really actually lost it, more of I dropped into a kinda tunnel vision.

Walking, staring up the cliff face, I completely lost track of how far I’d gone. Whatever, ‘cause it was a
good thing. Up, couple hundred feet up, the strap of something hung off a tiny outcrop. For a moment it
stunned me. Hadn’t really thought I’d find it. Hoped, heck yeah. Thought there was a snowball’s chance in
hell of success, I hadn’t really considered it possible. I shook it off and pulled out the binoculars. Took
me a moment to sight it in, but yep, definitely a strap, most likely from a camera. I fished the walkietalkie
off my belt and hit transmit. “Hey, feeling like going up?”

Static broke from the speaker, then, “What?” Even over a background of white noise, I could hear the

tease in Kabe’s voice. “Didn’t get enough of going down last night?”

For a bit, my breath caught. I didn’t talk like that with anyone. Never…ever. For all of two minutes I

froze in absolute terror. I knew a thousand eyes stripped me bare and found me wanting. Then the weight
shifted and I could breathe again…heck, what was the harm. Nobody around for miles in the backcountry.
Certainly there couldn’t be anyone within range on my cheap climbing set of walkie-talkies. Relaxed,
alone with Kabe, I could play some. “Not with what you got.” And that was the truth. That pretty boy’s
dick sent me reeling. Tied up to a tie-down, legs spread wide so I could suck those furry balls and long,
fine cock, I could take another round of that. I’d fall and fall again anytime he offered.

“Me neither.” Lust is a terrible powerful thing and I could hear it in his voice. I couldn’t fathom that I

inspired it in him. “You have that whole desperate for a fuck vibe, makes it real fun.”

Knocked me a bit there. I ain’t used to hard language. I plunked my butt on a boulder and fished out my

water bottle. Took me a moment to compose myself before I answered. “You don’t have to be crude about
it, you know.” I took a hefty swallow then wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my arm.

“Suck my balls, rim me like a pro, then stick your prick up my ass, and you got a problem with the

word ‘fuck?’ Man, you got issues.” He kept the mike open so I could hear him laughing at me. Thank the
Good Lord Kabe wasn’t nowhere near or he’d have caught me blushing like a virgin on her wedding
night. Okay, pretty boy, laugh at me, I’d figure a way to make him pay later. “Heading your way. How far
are you?”

I looked up the face of the cliff and tried to sight off where I might be. “Maybe a good mile and a half

from where she fell.”

“Really?” The sound of a small rain of rocks came across the connection with his words. “What’d you

find?”

That black strip of fabric taunted me. I’d feel like a damn fool if that was just some scrap carried in

by a scavenger. Somehow my gut told me I was right. “I think I found her camera.”

Silence answered me for a while. Left me some time with my thoughts, damn near all of them

revolved around Kabe and what the heck I was going to do about us. I did not want there to be an ‘us.’ I
couldn’t let there be an ‘us.’ Somehow, I’d put an end to it, shut it down quick and nurse the shame of my
desire in private…like I always had. There couldn’t never be more. I wouldn’t take my life down like that
and no way, no how, did I have the right to ask anyone else to live with my secret guilt.

The hiss of the speaker snapped me out of my thoughts. Kabe broke in and asked, “More than a mile

from where she fell?” He must have been thinking on the issue of the gal and the camera. Probably a much
better way to occupy his mind than mine.

After another swallow of water, I answered him. “Could be less, but it’s a fair piece.”

“That’s weird.”
“It’s downright suspicious.” I agreed.
Didn’t need much more conversation after that. First I took a reading off the GPS to confirm what I

thought, then I pulled out my ropes, minus one short bit still tied in the bed of my truck, and checked them
over. One of those things about being a climber, I never went near a mountain without a full set of gear.
What if the mood struck me to try a face? I’d feel like a darn fool humping back to my truck or base camp
to get it all. Not like I carried enough gear to tackle Spearhead or the Iron Messiah, but I packed enough
for a few pitches. Plus, I’d known what I was coming for. Didn’t know if I’d find it. If I did though, I
knew I’d likely need to go either up or down to get it.

Maybe forty minutes after we last talked, Kabe trudged into view. If my estimate was right, and he’d

managed the same distance in the other direction as I’d come this way, Kabe’d done a good three miles at
double time. Sweat plastered his shirt to his chest like a second skin. “Hey!” I called out and earned a
wave. “Get over here and set your gear down for a bit.”

“I need to double check my rig.” He may have been sweating, but his voice sounded like he’d been out

on a short stroll ‘round the block…not even winded. The last few feet gave me ample time to just drink in
the sight of him. And hate myself every moment for my weakness. All the promises I made to let him go
swam right out of my mind. “Won’t take long.” He swung the pack off his shoulders and dropped down
next to me. Warm skin under hot sun filled my senses with him; I was overwhelmed by his scent. I didn’t
think I’d ever manage to get it out of my mind.

I nodded, trying to come off like a buddy, not someone who wanted to jump his bones right then and

there. “No problem. You wanna lead this time?”

His confident, “Sure,” came with another bright, open smile. Each and every one of those ripped my

heart to shreds. I wanted him to stay that way forever, look at me like that every day for the next hundred
years. Just weren’t gonna happen. Once we got off this mountain, everything needed to end.

He dug through his pack, arranging, rearranging things for the climb. We talked about nothing that

much mattered: temperature, wind and the condition of the rock. Well, all that mattered something fierce
to coming off the face in one piece, it just didn’t make a darn sight of difference to me and the knowledge
that I’d lose him. I had to. It wasn’t fair to Kabe. An energy bar and a bit more water served for a snack as
we fastened into our rigs. Then the business of climbing took over.

Kabe sized up the rock and stepped back. He took two quick steps forward and made a Largo Start…

the initial jump onto the face for the high up finger holds. With a grunt, he latched in and started to climb. I
watched that graceful, sexy man tackle the rock like he’d been born to it. Inch by scrabbling inch, he
worked up the face. Hand stretched for a crevice, a finger hold here, a toe hold there, Kabe deliberately
worked his way up. The boy used about half the anchor gear I was used to. This climb would push me…
although I sensed it was an intentional push. A you-can-do-better-if-you-try, like your pa taking the
training wheels off your bike about month before you thought you were ready. I watched the ropes, made
sure they didn’t tangle. Not much more I could do during the first part of a climb. A good piece up, Kabe
tied off and yelled down at me. “Off belay!”

After I clipped in, I answered, “On belay!” letting him know of my start. I put my hand to the rock and

felt the pulse of the earth in the held-in heat. Man against mountain. To my way of thinking, no truer test
existed. A good clean fight against your own muscles and gravity. The strain felt freeing, powerful. I
reached the first true anchor, tied in and yelled, “Off Belay!” We did the dance for an hour. Kabe would
take a span, tie in and call me up. Normally, I monitor everything. Nothing major, just a back of my head
ticking it all off. How’s my belay, where’s the rope and what’s the path look like? I’m here, you’re there
and there’s a pocket hold two feet up. Not that I didn’t do that with Kabe in the lead, but I didn’t fret like I
otherwise might…even with guys I knew.

That’s when I realized the second part of my issue. I trusted him. I had faith that Kabe wouldn’t let me

fall. I mean, I always had that in someone I climbed with. But I knew them, Fred and Jessup and all.
Lived, breathed and practiced with them. The only other time I’d climbed with Kabe, I’d been in the lead
position, dragging the pig. If an anchor failed it would have been my fault. Without even thinking, I’d
offered him the position I always took, putting my life at the mercy of his skills. I was all pumpy and not
from the climb.

As I untied, I yelled up, “On belay!” Then I compressed a cam about half way, yanked it out of the

crack and let it spring open. It was my job to clear gear as we went. The only way to get down was to
rappel. Leaving expensive equipment buried in the face of the rock, well, first off it weren’t pretty or
ecologically sound, and second, the key, was being expensive.

Kabe answered with the standard acknowledgement then added, “Ready for a break?”
“Yeah,” I looked up the wall and got a great shot of his tight butt a ways above me. “I got to piss like

mad, and don’t want to do it and have you slide while I got myself out of my pants.”

“Thanks for the consideration, dude,” echoed from somewhere above me. I let the rope out a bit so I

could lean back and sight up the face better. Kabe dangled from his fingers ten feet or so above. He
looked down and a smile broke when he caught me watching. “There’s a party ledge up here. Good place
as any for a time out.” Oh Lord, that smile after last night, it just burrowed right into my chest and made
itself a home. The way his muscles strained pulling himself up reminded me of him nekkid and a lot of
other straining muscles. I could taste the sweat on his skin. It filled my senses with a rush as heady as I’d
ever got from a rappel.

Kabe’d hit the ledge, tied himself in, and signaled me to come up. I shook it off and started to climb. I

made the span in record time. Amazing what a little motivation will do…motivation like standing next to
him real close. Kabe reached down and took my hand, gave me that last bit of leg up. Not that I needed it,
but I got to touch him and that I could live with. Habit, I quickly set a couple cams, fixed my ropes
between them and then clipped on. A little bit of weight distribution across the anchors in case I went
over.

Safety taken care of, I shifted over to the very edge, which wasn’t far. The widest part of the ledge

maybe measured two feet and narrowed out on either side…little bit more than an overhung shelf, Kabe’d
found a wedge of space. It took a little tugging, pushing my briefs down under the belt of my harness and
twisting my pants some, to free myself. One hand on the rock and one hand on me, I let it loose.
Sometimes the littlest things, like taking a whiz, can equal the best things in life.

Kabe chuckled in my ear. “Whip it out there.” We stood jammed up against each other. It was either

that or not be on the ledge. “Don’t mind me. I’ll just watch.”

“How am I going to take a leak with you teasing like that?”
“Well, I could help like this.” Kabe reached over and wrapped his grip around my cock.
Luckily, I wasn’t one to start easy. “Oh, man.” My bladder wasn’t anywhere near shy, otherwise that

grab would have had me dancing for certain. Still had me dancing. Just not in the ‘got to piss like a
racehorse’ kinda way. “What are you doing?”

Another laugh, his body darn near melded into mine. My shoulders against his chest, his breath teasing

the back of my neck, and his hips pressed up to my butt. “Like you can’t tell.” He teased.

‘Course I couldn’t tell if he sported wood or not, with all that rig in the way. “Why?” The last little bit

trickled out and I shook myself off. Not the easiest maneuver since Kabe still held me.

“Don’t you like me holding your dick?” This time the taunt was eased by him kissing behind my ear.
“Not opposed to it.” I managed to stammer out. “Never had anyone offer to hold it while I whizzed off

the side of a mountain.”

Kabe licked the sweat along my hairline. “New experiences, what my Grams says, keeps us from

going bat-shit in old age.”

Lord it felt good. “I’m finished, you know? You could let go.”

“No, I can’t.”
I swallowed, “Why?”
“’Cause then I couldn’t do this.” Slowly he eased away and to the side. “Come here.”
“Why, what are you going to do?”
“I’m gonna suck your dick.”
There’s times and places for everything. Ten stories above the canyon, I don’t know if it really

qualified as either. “No you’re not.” I protested. But I stood next to Kabe on a sliver of rock no wider
than we were with all my soul focused completely on us.

I have to be that focused when I climb with a partner. Down to Kabe’s breathing, anticipating if he’d

go right or left, looking for the barest shred of exhaustion in how he moved. And, damn it all if he’s not
poetry in motion. I don’t think I’d really ever understood that tired old phrase before. And I knew I
couldn’t resist him.

“Why not?”
I stammered out a half-hearted protest, “Sixty feet down.” All the way up, I’d been watching bands of

muscle straining in his arms and legs. Pulled that brown skin so tight and those shorts even tighter every
time he did a span. Hell summed up my last two hours, trying to climb with a stiff dick. Splits don’t work
so good in that condition. It kept just the barest bit of my thoughts focused on someplace they shouldn’t
have been. And now my cock dribbled out all that want in a few sparkling drops of pre-cum. Every inch
under the harness throbbed, that webbing compacted my desire and doubled it.

Like he knew my torment, his hand still gripping my prick, Kabe maneuvered me a few inches into the

wedge. With a rockjockey’s practiced ease he managed to keep our ropes untangled, move around me and
drop to his knees without letting go. One leg behind mine, the other between my feet, Kabe leaned in.
“Where’s your sense of adventure.”

“I got a great sense of adventure.” I tangled my hand, the one not holding on to the cliff, in his sweat

damp hair. Maybe I should have shoved him away. The only way to manage that would send him right off
into a screamer. “You have a lousy sense of timing.”

He rolled his head into my touch. The movement brought him even closer to me. “Oh, come on, Joe.”

Cheek against my thigh, his dark eyes stared up into mine. “Haven’t you ever thought of it? Up here,
nobody around for miles.” I must have looked a sight, ‘cause Kabe laughed and snaked his tongue out to
tease the slit of my prick. He pulled back a bit and a shiny, thin bridge of pre-cum spanned from the tip of
his tongue to the head of my cock. Lord, what a sight.

I started shaking. Yeah, I’d fantasized about something like this near a hundred times. There’s fantasy,

and what you think’s ever really gonna happen. I’d never thought it’d ever happen. The rock, where I dug
my fingers in hard, scraped my skin. My carabineers jingled against each other, rocked by the breeze
playing on the face of the mountain.

When he slid his lips over my head, I hissed out, “Kabe!” Little tickles with his tongue, feather light,

teased between his lips and my skin. Letting go of my prick, his mouth the only thing to touch it, Kabe
reached over and grabbed onto my harness. He sucked me down hard using his grip to pull my hips close.
Cheeks hollowed, Kabe took me deep. Those lips sparked every nerve in my body. His mouth was warm
and wet. That darn tongue of his seemed to be on every inch of my prick at the same time.

I couldn’t keep from moaning out loud. Then it hit me, not like I couldn’t be loud. Kabe was right.

Who would ever know? Hundreds of feet above the earth, miles from anyone, surrounded by nothing but
endless vistas of red rock, hoodoos and pine trees. Just that thought shot shivers all over my body.

Kabe sucked so hard, working my prick in his mouth. All the time staring up at me with his eyes half-

closed and drifting. The breeze caught his hair and tossed it about. It licked the sweat off my skin. The
voice of the wind thrummed in my ears all but drowned out by my pulse. Kabe swallowed my prick again
and again. Each time he pulled back I neared a little closer to gone. Just beyond Kabe’s shoulders the

world fell away to blue sky. There weren’t a prettier sight in the world than what I saw right then.

Damn how he made me feel all jumbled up inside. I couldn’t remember what was up, down or

sideways. All I knew was I was falling hard, everything tumbling out of control. I shuddered under the
strain of it. My hips bucked into that mouth of his.

Fire balled up in my belly. “It’s coming.” I managed to hiss out through clenched teeth.
Kabe pulled off and grabbed my prick in his palm. That hard, honed grip with fingers used to hanging

on thin spurs of rock jacked me. He pumped so fast his hand was a blur moving over my cock. The heat
roiled through me and, shaking, all my senses collapsed. In time with his laughter, thick spunk shot off
over the rim.

“See,” Kabe used my harness and ropes to pull himself to standing, “dreams do come true…”
I rolled my head back against the rock. “You’re something worse than awful.” If I hadn’t had been tied

in, I knew I’d have gone over. Death wobbles ate my joints.

“I think with your reaction,” Kabe pressed against me, “I’m something close to wonderful.” Nips at

my throat and my chin told me he just played with me. “Hey, Joe, why don’t you tuck yourself back in and
then see if you can manage to belay me.”

Not that I wanted to move, but Kabe was right. I shifted so that I could pack my prick away. “Why do

you want me to belay you?” Well, I knew the why of it, just not the why now of it.

“Thought you might need some time to recover.” He jerked his chin up toward the rocks. “There’s

maybe half a pitch left. If I free climb it, it’ll take me no time at all. Give you a bit to recover.” He
snorted. The sound traveled through his chest into mine. “I’d free solo it. But I think you’d freak if I
dropped the gear at this point.”

“Yeah, I would.” I hooked my thumb into his harness and tugged. “Not big on the whole, ‘you fall, you

die’ aspect of soloing.”

Kabe brushed my lips with a quick kiss. “Keep the light on for me, mom, I won’t be gone long.”
I teased back, “Don’t be staying out past your bed time.” I added another tug to his harness to stress

what I really meant— come back in one piece.

With a smile playing across his mouth, Kabe stepped to the side. Quickly he scanned the face width,

reached up and took a hold. A grunt of, “On belay,” and he was on his way.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER SEVEN

Took us a while to rap back down the face. Kabe’d done like I’d asked—shouted up to him actually—

and not touched the camera with his hands. Bagged it in plastic, what he used for picking it up, so he
didn’t mark it. Soon as he handed me the package, I closed it up, scribbled my name, date, time and badge
number on it, then dumped it into a stuff sack for carrying. After getting down we still had to hike out and
drive out. My tires didn’t hit pavement until well into the afternoon.

Kabe left a message at the ranch, letting them know he still lived. We’d stopped off just long enough

to use the facilities and for him to grab a pair of jeans. Then I checked in with the department by phone. I
might have been on my day off, but that didn’t mean that things didn’t happen. Nothing urgent, Nadia
Slokum’d called and given my boss, Sheriff Myron Simple, a rundown on Gunter’s whereabouts. The
Sheriff’d actually read the report I’d left on his desk about it. Not that he’d ignore one of his deputies, but
my priorities about my beat weren’t always his priorities for the whole county. A death rated pretty big
all around.

Didn’t talk to the Sheriff direct, but instead to Diamond, one of the other deputies who’d just come on

shift herself. Got to hear an earful about her kid and the hospital. Little fella was real sick, been that way
for about a year. Told Diamond about the camera and she promised to tack a note on the file for me.

From there I figured we’d drive into Ruby’s, see if I could pull a favor outta Jessie Dane. As I

recollected, she worked the photo lab for them this season. Ruby’s got it all: grocery, gas, food,
hunting/fishing licenses. As we walked into the lobby of the main lodge, Kabe thumped my shoulder with
his knuckle. “Hey, Joe, I’m thirsty. Want anything?”

“Yeah, root beer’d be good.” I fished some bills out of my pocket. “Get what you want.”
He waved me off. “I’ve got it. Where will I find you?”
“Down that hall.” I pointed through the lobby and past the high-end gift shop. “You’ll see the signs.”

Kabe and I split, him going left off into the general store and me along where I’d pointed. Passed the hair
salon and business center—like I said, Ruby’s got it all—and stepped through the door into the little
photo outfit they had. All along the walls, vistas of the canyon were framed and for sale. Jessie Dane
stood behind the counter, dressed like most of Ruby’s folks in western gear, with her back to me. Wasn’t
so much a uniform as an atmosphere they tried for. “Hey miss, can I get some service here?” I teased.

She turned, the service smile bright across her too red lips. The moment she caught it was me, the

smile faltered. “Joe!” For the first time in a long time, Jessie looked shocked to see me. “What are you
doing here?”

“Came looking for you.” It was my day off. I didn’t usually swing by Ruby’s out of uniform. Likely the

person and the place didn’t line up quite right for her. I leaned on the counter. “How’s everything?”

“Okay, I guess.” She swallowed and tried to keep the smile going. That smacked of odd. Normally, if

I told Jessie I was looking for her, she’d have sashayed to the counter before fishing for a date. Instead
she leaned against the big photo machine and rubbed her hands on her thighs. “I was talking to Ramon
earlier, he called me.”

Maybe someone’d gotten on her about work and personal time. She never could tell the difference

between the two. Setting the camera in the stuff sack on the counter, I kept up my end of the conversation.
“He’s still on after you, huh?”

“Sorta.” She shrugged. “What are you doing here?”
“I need your help.” I pulled the drawstrings open and tugged it off the plastic bag. “Need some

pictures off the SIM card in this camera.” The baggy and its contents, with my ID and badge number
scrawled in permanent marker, must have caught her attention. Jessie stepped about two steps nearer the
counter. Still not like leaning all over it, her normal attitude, but not buck shy either. “It’s evidence, so I

need to stand here and watch it happen. Can you do that for me?”

I heard the movement behind me, and kinda half-checked over my shoulder. Kabe wandered in

chugging one of those over-priced, over-hyped energy drinks. Plunking my soda on the counter, he cocked
his hip against it and said, “Hi,” to Jessie. Then to me, “One root beer, just like the gentleman ordered.”

As I picked it up and popped the top, Jessie asked, “Who are you?” I ain’t never heard the tone outta

her mouth like I did then. Made me look up right quick. Checked to see if there was anyone but the three of
us.

Jumping in, before she let that snide tone loose again, I made the introduction, “This is Kabe, a

relative of T and Sandy. Staying up there with them.”

“Kabe?” She repeated his name real slow, studying him like he might bite her if she came too close.
Well, I had no idea what burr’d gotten under that filly’s saddle and didn’t have the time to work it

through neither. “Yeah,” I huffed out. Then I picked up the camera, in the plastic and kinda shook it in
front of her face. “Can you do it for me?”

Instead of answering, she snapped, “Where’d you get the camera?”
Somebody needed to give that girl an attitude adjustment, but I figured it wouldn’t be me. I took a

moment to push it down so I wouldn’t throw any sour back. Kabe just rolled his eyes like he thought she’d
done lost her mind and kept his mouth shut. “Up on one of the cliffs around T’s property.” I explained it
all reasonable like. “Kabe and I been out all yesterday and most of today looking for it. It’s part of an
investigation.”

“You and him?” All three words got separate emphasis.
What? Now she not only thought I was the one for her, she was going to throw her issues around on

my choice of friends? “No, me and the Easter Bunny.” I sassed back, “Yeah, Kabe and I.”

“You spent the night out there?”
“Camping, people do it all the time I hear.” I was done sick of playing twenty questions. “Look, can

you do it or not?”

“Ahh,” She chewed her bottom lip a bit before stuttering out, “processor’s broke.”
“The processor’s broke?” Darn thing seemed to be working fine to me, at least from the sound of it.

“Don’t look broke to me.”

Jessie pulled herself up. Crossing her arms over her chest, she repeated, “It’s broke. I can do regular

film, but the thing for hooking up digital ain’t working.” Then she seemed to sag a bit, like she weren’t
quite sure of herself. “I… I can’t help you.”

“Sure about that?”
“Yeah.” She dropped her eyes, not looking at me. Why, I didn’t know. “Nothing I can do for you.” She

mumbled out the last of it. “You have to go somewhere else.”

Kabe snorted and walked out into the hall, where he stood fingering some of the prints they had in a

bin. “Well, alright.” I shrugged and bagged up the camera. Before I walked out, I added, “You take care,
okay.” No sense in everyone being ornery.

“Joe…”
I paused at the door. “Yep?” Kabe’d already walked down a ways, looking in at some of the displays

and such.

“You camped out last night with that guy?” There was a world of loss in her voice.
“Yeah, me and the coyotes and Kabe.” I didn’t snap at her this time. I didn’t know what was going on,

but something was up with her right then. I wished I could figure it out. “Is there something wrong,
Jessie?”

“No, I’m fine.” She smiled. “I’ll be fine.”
“Okay then, see you ‘round.” Well, if’n Jessie didn’t want to tell me about it, not much I could do to

force it. I finished bagging the camera in the tote as I walked to where Kabe waited. Much as to myself as

him, I said, “Something’s up with her.”

“Why do you say that?” He fell into step beside me.
Dodging around tourists at the reservation desk, I headed toward the front door. “Normally, that little

gal is like a cat on fish when I’m about. Got to pry her hands out of my pockets.”

“Couldn’t have told that by this time.”
“I know.” Not expecting to see nothing, I looked back from where we’d come. “Wonder what

happened?” Then we were outside on the porch, watching the cars come in and out of the parking lot.
“Maybe she got another righteous talking to.”

Kabe tossed his can into one of the trash bins nearby. “A what?”
Darn it, I realized I’d left my soda on the counter back in the photo lab. Didn’t much feel it was worth

the buck or so to go retrieve it. “Counseling by the Ward’s Bishop, telling her that throwing herself at men
ain’t the best way to be thought of as a proper lady. She always goes a little strange right after.” That was
likely it. Had to be, didn’t seem any other reason Jessie’d turn cold so quick. “Give it a week and she’ll
be back to Jessie.”

“Are you telling me,” a little teasing light crept into Kabe’s eyes, “that she likes you?”
“Look, up here, people get married early.” I ran my hand over my scalp and shrugged. “So, you ain’t

spoken for by twenty-three, twenty-four, well, the pickings get slim.”

“I cannot imagine you hooked up with someone like that.”
“Tell you the truth, neither can I.” A big rig pulled into the lot, engines going like gangbusters.

Watched it pass the little fast food place over across the way and that started my stomach rumbling.
Hadn’t had much beyond some trail bars, jerky and water for most of the day. “Look, you hungry?”

“Fuck yeah.” Kabe sounded like he’d just found Jesus.
“Could you just,” I started walking, assuming he’d follow, “for my benefit, lay off the profanity for a

bit? Come on, we’ll grab an expensive burger while I think of where else I might get this chip run.”

He jogged to catch up and asked, “Don’t you have a crime lab?”
“I can send it out. Couple different ones in big cities.” I yanked open the door. The smell of fry grease

and burgers hit me, making my stomach rumble. “And it’ll get right in the line up behind more political
cases, people with more pull.” Late afternoon, not quite dinner, no line yet to speak of; Kabe and I headed
straight to the counter. “Maybe, sometime next month, I’ll get my evidence processed.”

“Wow, that sucks.”
His profanity, such as it was, caused two boys in white shirts and black pants to turn a bit. Even if you

weren’t raised LDS, Mormon missionaries stood out. Especially up here where everyone was all about
jeans and flannel shirts. Didn’t recognize either of them. ‘Course I wasn’t all that up on who’d been
called into our Ward. “So,” I smiled just to break the tiny bit of tension, “where you boys from?”

The slightly bigger boy, with dark hair and dark eyes, spoke first. “Elder Wake from Bosie.” He used

his title instead of his first name. Then he nudged his missionary companion, who seemed the younger of
the two.

“California.” The boy added, a little red creeping into his freckled face. “Elder Jackson.” He held out

his hand.

I shook it and then that of Wake. “What’cha up to? I mean here.” I added the last, ‘cause it was pretty

obvious they were out doing their proselytizing, dressed like they were.

“Just getting a drink.” Wake spoke again.
“You hungry?” Then I hit my forehead with my fingertips like I was trying to fire up my brain. “What

am I saying, you’re teenagers, ‘course you’re hungry.” I leaned in toward the gal at the counter. Pointing at
the missionaries, I told her. “Whatever these boys want, put it on our ticket.”

Wake again. “Thank you, brother.” Maybe Jackson was the shy type.
As Kabe ordered, I minimized. “No problem.” I slapped Jackson’s shoulder, easy like, just friendly.

“I remember, it’s hard.” Then I and both boys told the counter gal what we wanted. Sodas, sandwiches
and chips…nothing requiring cooking really, we rounded it all up and found a table.

While we were sliding in, Jackson finally spoke up. “Where did you do your mission?” That question

was meant for me.

“Uruguay.” Two years spent sharing an apartment without running water and biking some of the

hardest miles I’d ever slogged. At least my Spanish was beyond functional.

“Wow.” Jackson’s green eyes went big. Then he turned toward Kabe, “And you.”
Kabe stared at him in wide-eyed horror. “Huh?”
Lordy, Kabe doing a mission, even my brain couldn’t quite process that. “Oh, that’s funny!” I tried not

to choke up my pop. When I managed to breathe again, I corrected him, “No, boys, he’s one of the
cowboys up here, Taylor Harding’s family.” Wasn’t sure they’d been up here long enough to get beads on
people, but you always introduced folks ‘round here by who else they knew or were related to. “He and I,
we’re friends.”

More red came on as Jackson studied his cup, real intensely. “Oh.” The table fell quiet for a bit while

we all wolfed down some food.

Kabe sucked on his soda, playing with the straw like he was trying to come up with something to say.

Finally, he looked up and asked, “So what do you guys do on your days off?”

“Off?” Wake laughed. “Laundry, write home on our free day.”
“That’s it?”
“Well,” Jackson bit off half a sandwich in one go and mumbled around the food, “we went for a hike

the other day.”

Wake swallowed most of his without chewing. “Nice, until we ran into the domestic thing.”
“Domestic thing?” That perked my ears up.
“Yeah,” eating and talking at the same time, Wake fleshed out the story. “We’re hiking along the edge

of a bike trail. Came ‘round the bend and there’s this couple screaming at each other. Weirdest thing, the
guy’d scream at the woman and she’d put her camera in his face and snap his picture. Massively pissed
him off.”

“Screaming at each other?”
“In German.” Jackson added that.
“How do you know it was German?”
“My Grandpa, he speaks German.” Shoving a chip in his mouth he thought for a moment, “I don’t

speak a lot, but enough to know he’s telling her she’s stupid and ugly and she’s saying stuff about how
he’s not, you know, not quite a man?”

“I don’t quite follow you there.”
“You know, like that he’s like real little, down there.” He scrunched up his eyes and scratched his

head like he had to think on it. “At least I think.”

A snort from Kabe…yeah that would rightly amuse him. I kicked him under the table. Not hard, but

enough to tell him not to be ornery. “She said he had a tiny pecker?”

“Something like that.” Jackson blushed again.
I prodded their memories a little more. “Hear any names?”
Wake nodded. “I think he called her Anna or Anni or something. I don’t think she ever said his name.”
“No,” Jackson confirmed, “she didn’t.” Then he mumbled, “We shouldn’t be gossiping.”
They shouldn’t have been, but everybody did. Ask a bunch of Mormons if they’re their brother’s

keeper and the answer’s gonna be yes. Usually didn’t drop to the level of searching someone’s trash, not
without a strong suspicion. Still, what you’re supposed to say and what you do…not always the same
thing. I reassured them a bit, “No actually, it’s a help.” I pulled out my wallet with my badge and flipped
it open. With a couple middle-class white boys, they’d want to help—not that anyone else wouldn’t, but

these boys had likely been raised on the police are our friends white bread diet. “I’m actually a deputy up
here.

We’re looking into the death of a German tourist who fell. Can you remember anything else about

them, this couple?”

Wake thought for a bit, then shook his head no, “Not really.”
“Their bikes were real nice.” Jackson added that as an afterthought. “You know, real expensive

mountain bikes. One was normal mountain bike color, I guess, I mean something you wouldn’t notice. The
other was gold. I remember that.”

Anya’s bike—bright, bright gold—I could see it in my head, leaning against that tree and blazing

under the sun. I’d bet my teeth it’d been Anya and Gunter the boys saw. “That helps some, boys.” With
one of my chips I indicated their food. “’Nuf of this depressing talk, eat up.”

Wiping his mouth and tossing the napkin on the table, Wake leaned on his elbow and studied Kabe,

long and hard. Long and hard enough that Kabe started to stare back. Finally, Wake blurted out, “So have
you found God?” I thought Kabe was going to swallow his straw.

Kabe licked his lips. “Joe’s been talking to me about religion.” I had no idea what was about to come

out of his mouth. “Out alone, having some real deep, personal conversations. I think Joe has figured out
how to get right inside me and know what I need.”

“We all need to hear it.”
“Touched me real far inside,” My chest tightened up. I twisted my ankle and dropped my boot heel

onto the arch of his foot. He yanked it back and leaned over the table a little. “All burning with it.”

My chair scraped the floor as I stood. “Know what, we need to be heading out.” Flashing a tight

smile, I added, “Things to do. Thanks for the company.” Didn’t even bother to see if Kabe’d follow, just
made a straight line out the door to my truck. I waited beside the pickup. Toyed with leaving him there.
That wouldn’t be a good idea, though. T’d be pissed and Lord knows what’d come out of Kabe’s mouth if
he were shined on like that.

Wasn’t long before Kabe sauntered up. “You enjoyed that way too much.”
I blew out a deep breath. “What?” The word cracked like a shot.
“The whole innocent boys trying to shove God down my throat.”
“No, I’m just nice to them.” Managed to keep my voice pretty even. “Missionary work is not fun. Get

up at five, stump their beat all day, then pray and crash. It’s a grind. I hated it. And imagine trying to
convert people to Mormonism in the middle of Mormon country. Can you think of a worse fate for a
nineteen-year-old boy?” My face felt so hard I thought it might break. I shoved one hand deep in my
pocket, glared at him as I hissed out low so no one else could hear, “And you. I touched you down deep?
What are you trying to do to me?” Jerking my chin back to the diner, I added. “Thank goodness those boys
are wrapped up in their work right now, could you have been more obvious?”

“Shit.” Kabe actually laughed. I’d have slugged Kabe if his laugh didn’t sound all embarrassed. “I

was just kidding around.”

“Well don’t.” I’d have said more but a battered jeep pulled into the space next to us.
An old man, eyes and skin all beaten up by the sun, eased out of the vehicle. “Heya, Joe.” He smiled.

It pushed the wrinkles up enough so that you could barely see his eyes under the bushy white brows.

Recognized him of course: Samuel Jennings. He’d lived ‘round here longer than anybody I knew. Old

as dirt, tough as nails. “Hey, Mr. Jennings.” It wasn’t easy pushing the edge of the panic created by Kabe
and those boys back, but somehow I did. Must have been how used to pretending I was. Faking calm, cool
and collected got easier every year. “How’s things?”

“Fine. Just came in to get some gas for the generator.” He hauled one of those old metal army surplus

gas cans out of the back of the jeep. “And then I’m back out.” He peered up from under those heavy
brows. “Ain’t hardly talked to anyone all week. We’re putting in a new well. What you got in your hand

there?”

Heck, I’d forgotten about it. “Camera.” Must have grabbed it without even thinking when I fled the

table. That could fry my butt with the department, if’n I’d left it behind or dinged it up worse. “From a
fatal fall out at T’s place.” About that time my manners slapped me upside the head. I kinda jerked my
head in Kabe’s general direction. “This is Sandy’s sister’s grandson, Kabe.”

“Nice to meet you, boy.” They shook, Old Man Jennings patting the back of Kabe’s hand like he’d

known him all along. Well he knew T and he knew Sandy…so ‘round here, meant he knew Kabe because
he knew his family. Then he sniffed, like he might have a cold. More likely years of chaw and snuff
caused it. “Fall, huh?”

“Yeah,” I willed myself to relax. Leaning back against the door of my truck, I hoped it came off

casual. “A little German tourist gal fell while she and her husband were out camping.”

“Oh,” Jennings nodded like old men do when something new links up to memories, “like the other

one.”

That pushed a button in the back of my brain. “Other one?” Couldn’t quite put it together though. The

moment he’d said it, however, a tiny memory sparked for me.

“Years back, mind you, my memory ain’t so good now.” He set the can at his feet and screwed up his

face like it helped him think. “Can’t remember where I put my hat this morning, but I can tell you what
color shoes my wife wore to the dance I met her at.” Looking up to the right at nothing in particular, he
spun it out, “I think you were still working the prison then, when that other girl fell, maybe you weren’t
even there yet.” He grinned and winked at Kabe. “Known Joe’s family for a long time.”

Kabe leaned in a bit, he’d been hooked with the idea, too. “There’s got to be a lot of falls out here.”
“We get our share,” Jennings conceded, “locals mostly, some climbers and tourists, remember a

highway patrolman who ran off the road. Naw, but what Joe said, it just stuck something in my mind.” He
shrugged. “German gal falling I guess. Although I think she was over in Zions.” Holding up his hands near
his face, Jennings shook ‘em like he was pulling the thoughts out of his head. “Wait, I remember why I
know it. My friend Carl, died four years ago maybe, he helped bring that little gal’s body out. Name was
Warren, Wartner or something.”

“Warner?” I prompted.
“Could have been. Look, got to go.” He picked up the can, and grinned. “Nice meeting you, boy, say hi

to T for me when you see him.”

Kabe and I both, as Jennings walked away, said, “We need to find out about that fall.” He snorted. I

laughed. Well, okay, I could forgive him the little lapse in judgment while with the missionaries. Hard not
to tease kids like that. And I kinda liked that Kabe and I were thinking along the same lines. Made it real
comfortable to be with him.

Now, ’course, I still had to deal with the camera. Well, the park wasn’t too far off. I might be able to

pull a little help from Fred. That’d work. If not I was up a creek without a paddle on pulling out the
pictures before hell froze over.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER EIGHT

As we drove into the park, I tried Fred’s line. Fred’s phone dropped into voice mail right off, so I

figured he was somewhere out of range…or he forgot to charge it. Since the Ranger Station and Admin
area weren’t all that far down from Ruby’s, I decided just to drive on in. In summer the park stayed open
‘till eightish and the gate guard waved me in without much pause. After a whole summer, most of the
seasonals knew me well enough, recognized Deputy Joe, if not my personal truck. I usually checked in
with Fred or the others I knew well enough when I cruised my beat.

Somebody around should be able to give me a hand with the camera. Once we parked behind the New

Admin building, it took me a while to track down help. It was late, almost closing time, so most staff were
off-shift. Kabe and I saw a good part of the New Admin, Visitors’ Center and the Old Admin offices
before I found Nadia Slokum in her office.

Well, she’d said if I ever needed anything to ask. Guess it was time to see if she meant it. I knocked on

the frame of the door, not quite leaning into her space. “So, Ranger Slokum, can we annoy you for a bit?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Kabe dropping onto an old chair someone’d left in the hall. Boy
looked as beat as I felt. I’d be good to climb in a bed and sleep good, long and hard.

Nadia looked up from the pile of reports scattered over her desk. Boxes sat in disarray around the

margins of the tiny office. “Well, hello there, Sugar.” I got a broad smile. “Depends on what you want to
annoy me about.” Bare bookshelves, no personal items cluttered the desk or photos hung on the wall yet.
A battered, government issue computer hulked off to Nadia’s right, keyboard propped up under the
monitor. Definitely looked like someone moving in.

I figured that to be an invitation, so I stepped on in and found the excuse for a guest chair hidden

behind a stack of books. Pulling it out, I huffed a little, then got to it. “I hate to ask when we’ve only just
met.” I flipped the chair around and sat with my arms crossed over the back. The camera, in the stuff sack,
dangled from my hands.

“But you’re going to anyway.” She laughed and pushed her hair behind her ear with a delicate, dark

hand. “That’s okay.” Resting her chin on the other fist, Nadia continued, “Told you if you need something
to let me know.”

I heard Kabe move into the spot I’d vacated—glanced up to see him leaning on the door. Lord, even

filthy, tired and camp-sore, that boy looked fine. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of looking at him. Kabe
raised his eyebrows and smirked when he caught me looking and I couldn’t help but grin back. About a
second later I remembered myself and where I was.

“The photo processor up at Ruby’s is down.” I sputtered out, trying to cover by tugging open the

drawstring bag and fishing out the camera. Hopefully, Nadia didn’t know me well enough to pin me. “I’ve
got a SIM card from a digital camera I need to process. I don’t have anything at the station or home that’ll
do it, have to send it out to the crime lab in Salt Lake and I don’t think we can wait that long.” It took a bit,
but I managed to pull it free. Then I set the camera, still in the plastic evidence bag, on the lip of the desk.
“From what Fred’d done for us in the past—some search and rescue displays and stuff— somewhere
around here the station’s got a pretty good set up. Think you might be able to download and print up some
pictures for me?”

“Where the hell did you find this camera?” Reaching out, Nadia took hold of the ziplock and pulled it

closer. “Looks like it’s fallen off…” She jerked her eyes up from the camera to lock on mine. “My God,
did this belong to who I think it belonged to?”

“Haven’t got confirmation on that.” I’m sure my smile told Nadia I thought we were on the right track

even if I fudged a bit on the words. “But I’d put it darn likely. One of the reasons I don’t want to wait.”

“Well, can you wait till tomorrow?” She swung her arm over the general chaos of her office. “My

personal computer set up is still in boxes. This thing,” she thumped the monitor with the back of her hand,
“has been around since creation by the look of it, haven’t even tried to fire it up.” Then Nadia picked up
the camera, bag and all. Turning it over in her hands, she studied it. “The head ranger, his office computer
could do it,” her voice dropped down, almost like she was talking to herself, “but since it’s not an
emergency I don’t want to pull a chit and wake him up.” She shook it off and snorted. “I may have a high
enough number behind the G on my paycheck giving me enough seniority that I don’t have to worry about
being fired. Take an act of Congress to get me out before I retire. Still, not a good idea to piss your new
manager off too early.” Another snort wrinkled up her nose. “I’ll log it into my custody so we keep chain
of evidence and look at it first thing. Satisfactory?”

“Faster than the two month turn around otherwise.” I shrugged. Not what I’d hoped for, but I’d suffer

not knowing a few more hours. That settled one problem but not another. “Y’all still know where Gunter
is, right?”

“Yep.” She set the camera back down. “I have a ranger posted near the exit to his campground. I don’t

like Gunter Warner, couldn’t finger exactly why, but he crawled up my butt and died. So he ain’t going
nowhere, lest I know about it.”

“Fine by me then.” I liked being in step with another officer. Meant we’d work good together, that I

could trust her if I needed something. And around here, that was worth more than gold.

“Hold on for a bit, I got to get some forms from next door.” Nadia stood, eased around the desk and

then between the desk and me. I tried to give her space enough. ‘Course I realized as she edged by that
even sitting down my eyes were level with Nadia’s shoulder. Woman was a petite powerhouse. “Let you
sign it out and me sign it in…badge numbers and all to make it official.” That powerhouse paused,
reached back over her desk and grabbed a mug. I hadn’t seen it earlier. A squirrel gripped a branch,
trying not to fall. Its little feet brushed the words just hanging on till my next cup. She held it out toward
Kabe. “Hey, Sugar… Kabe,” she added to let us know which of us she meant. “I would love you to death
if you’d get me a refill of coffee—black with lots of sugar.” Holding out the cup and smiling big, she
waggled it at him. “Take my mug, tell them you’re on an official go-fer assignment for Ranger Slokum,
and they’ll be nice to you. Want anything Deputy? Coffee, tea…”

Shook my head, “I’m fine.” Most everyone around here already knew all about me. At least the not

drinking caffeine part of me.

“Got instant cocoa,” Nadia wheedled, “kind with the little marshmallows.”
I rolled my eyes. Woman could talk a dog out of its spots. “Twist my arm for marshmallows.” I

conceded.

Nadia pushed the mug into Kabe’s less than enthusiastic hands. Taking him by the shoulders, she

walked them both out of the office. “There’s cups back there, too.” I twisted in my seat and watched her
shove him down the hall. “Mix the cocoa two packets to one cup hot water. They’re weaker than a
Baptist’s resolve on Saturday night. Get yourself whatever you want. We’ll be in my office.” Then Nadia
walked into another office.

While I waited, I studied the camera. I knew, just knew, somewhere in there was my answer. Nothing

could convince me that Gunter didn’t have something to do with Anya’s fall. My gut told me. Something
had called me back to that cliff, drew me like a moth to a flame, something besides just lusting after Kabe.
I needed to be out there, it was meant to be. ‘Course the only reason I’d been out all night, stayed to look
the next day, was Kabe. I’d wanted to be with him.

I guess that meant Kabe and I were meant to be as well. That scared me. Boy did it scare me.
“You know,” Nadia’s voice startled me, “he’s a nice kid.”
“Yeah,” I managed a weak smile and hoped I hadn’t jumped much as I probably did. “He’s nice.

Don’t know as I’d call him a kid though.”

Nadia slid past me and sat down at her desk. “True. He’s all grown up in all the right places.” Pulling

out a form from the stack she carried, Nadia took a moment to scribble a few boxes in. Then she kinda
looked up at me, sorta sideways, and tried not to smile. “‘Course, figuring you know all about that,
probably about things I don’t.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Somehow, I managed to get that out without choking. What

I really wanted to do was get up and run. The only people who ran were those who had something to hide.
I didn’t want to seem like I had anything to hide.

“Right.” Now Nadia looked at me head-on. She wasn’t smiling. “And I’m the President of the United

States.” If her southern drawl got any thicker, even I wouldn’t be able to fathom it.

I blinked. “Nice to meet you, Madam President.” One of the most difficult things I’d done, keep my

face that blank.

Nadia rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, you two are cute together.” Bile rose in my throat at her words

and I shoved it back down, quick. “He is so looking for his daddy bear, it hurts.”

I reminded myself I needed to breathe. As evenly as I could manage, I denied it. “Look, I don’t know

what you think is going on, but it ain’t like that.”

Eyes narrowed, lips tight, she called me on my lie. “Ain’t like what, Sugar?” Somehow her voice was

more gentle than I expected.

Not wanting to come at it straight on, I hedged. “What you’re thinking.”
Slowly, she set the pen down on her desk. “And just what am I thinking?”
“You’re thinking, like, we’re all about each other,” I swallowed, “and it just ain’t that way.” Like it

was some joke, a misunderstanding, I pulled a smile onto my face. “Not out here.”

“It’s not that way.” Resting her chin in her hand and tapping her nose with her index finger, she smiled

at me. My mom used to smile at me like that, every time I done something wrong and she already knew it
and just waited for me to tell her. “Or it’s not that way ‘cause you’re out here.”

“Y’all just need to go talk to Fred, he’ll tell you all ‘bout me. I’m as stand up as they come.”
“I don’t doubt that at all, Sugar.” I don’t know why there seemed to be so much pain in her face. “And

I did talk to Fred. ‘Course I was more interested in what he wasn’t saying than what he was. Why I’m so
good at my job, I read between the lines. I watch people. And between you and that boy, there’s
something.” Nadia reached out across that small metal desk of hers, had to lean forward some, so that her
fingers just brushed the back of my hand. “Something kinda nice.”

“Nice?”
“Yeah,” she sighed, “nice like I haven’t seen since I lived in Frisco.” She had to draw back, couldn’t

maintain that position too long. For a bit she went back to writing. When the form was finished she signed
off and slid it and the pen my way. As I started to sign off on my line, Nadia rested her hand on mine.
“Miss my partner, you know.”

That came out of left field. I searched for a moment and the only thing that came up in my memory was

her past service. “NPS at Alcatraz?”

“No,” she laughed with kinda low, sad tone under it, “school teacher in Oakland. She died of breast

cancer a few years back.” With that my hand got a little squeeze. “That’s when I asked to be transferred
back to the South where I grew up. Got all the southern charm back.” She drew back and folded her hands
on the desktop. “Now I’m here and I’d really like to think I wasn’t all alone in the Land of Bubba.
‘Course I’m old enough to be your mama, specially as early as these gals start. Thinking you might need
mama’s shoulder once now and again: couple biscuits, cup of coffee with a shot of whiskey, and an ear. I
got ‘em.”

Well, maybe that’s how she figured things. I’d always heard jokes about ‘gaydar’ and such…never

believed ‘em. Kabe didn’t hide it much, though, even if I did. Maybe living in a big city, San Francisco of
all places, that kinda sense wore off on her. “I don’t drink coffee and I don’t drink whiskey.” I signed my
name and dropped the pen. After I licked my lips, I dredged up a smile. “Company I probably wouldn’t

turn down, though.”

“Boy,” Nadia rocked back in her chair and crossed her thin arms over her chest, “you done picked

yourself one hell of a hard row to hoe, you know that?”

“There’s harder.” I gave her one of my biggest smiles. It faltered about half way through.
“Not by much, Sugar, not by much.” About that time Kabe came back, balancing two Styrofoam cups

and Nadia’s mug. Our conversation switched to how we found the camera. I could feel Kabe standing
behind me, right up against my back. A few times I caught Nadia in an I knew it smirk, which I ignored
and Kabe seemed oblivious too. Could be he was watching me too much to catch what Nadia was doing.

Finally coffee, cocoa and conversation were done. Kabe, Nadia and I wandered back out to the

parking lot and found that night had fallen while we talked. Nadia said her goodbyes at that point, waving
as she swaggered away. I watched her walking from light pool to light pool, waiting until she made it to
employee housing. Made sure she made it. Not that I didn’t think Nadia could handle herself…heck, I’d
be afraid to take that sleek little polecat in a dark alley. Still, never hurt to have someone watch your
back. When the front door to the apartment block had open and closed, I turned back to find Kabe resting
his arm on the hood of my truck.

“It’s late, let’s get.” I clambered into the cab and fired her up as Kabe got in. As I swung out of the lot,

I glanced over at him. Couldn’t see much with just the dashboard light, mostly just outline and shadows on
his face. I sighed to myself, time to stop playing around and get back to real life. There was stuff I had to
do tomorrow before I went back on shift. Had one of those weird schedules where they played with days
so everyone got a Saturday/Sunday off once in a while. “I’ll take you home

now.” Heck of a round trip; out to T’s and back to mine. Maybe I could sleep in some tomorrow.
“Cool,” a little mischief hid in his voice, “wanted to see your place.”
“What?” I choked it out.
Like it was all settled he shrugged. “We’re going to your place.”
I had to focus on the road and keep driving. As we passed the exit to the Park I finally managed to put

some words to it. “You just decided that? All on your own there?”

“Yeah, I kinda did.” Kabe laughed. I liked his laugh. All amusement and no scorn…those were the

best. “Look, you’re beat, I’m beat. Your options are to come back to T’s place and stay there with me. Go
back to T’s place, drop me off, drive an hour and forty minutes back home and risk falling asleep behind
the wheel. Or you can drive me back to your house, which is only forty minutes that way. I’ll crash while
you drive. I’ll cook while you crash.” A little wheedle crept into his voice, “I’m pretty good at what-
luck.”

That plan sounded so reasonable. “What-luck?” I asked, more to just give me time to think it all

through.

“Yeah, as in what luck, there’s food in the fridge. Takes a special type of cook to look at half a cup of

Bisquick, two eggs, bacon bits, wilted spinach and powdered milk to come up with dinner.”

I took the turn toward Panguitch, a few miles down and I’d be at ground zero. We either turned or

went straight. One option headed us to the ranch… the other my bed. “What the heck do you make with
that?” Filling the space with words just so I didn’t have to really consider what I was about to do. I
already knew, somewhere down deep, that I’d cave in to him. Wasn’t ready to admit it, but I knew it.

“Quiche.”
“Real men don’t eat quiche.” I kept my fingers on the wheel, my eyes on the road. I couldn’t handle

more.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Or call it cheesy eggs with veggies and biscuits, if you’ve got

issues.” Kabe’s hand stretched across the spine of the bench to brush the nape of my neck. “But like my
Grams always said, if you didn’t cook it, say ‘thanks,’ eat it and offer to wash dishes after.”

A normal, teasing conversation...I could handle that. “My chili was that awful?” Kept me away from

dangerous subjects, like how bad I was falling.

“No, it was good.” Kabe sounded like he meant it. “Really, I wouldn’t lie to a guy with a gun.”
“I’m not armed.” Well, my rifle was racked behind us, didn’t really consider that armed though.
“No, but you got one hell of a gun and you handle it good.” Kabe leaned across the cab and whispered

just loud enough for me to hear it over the whine of the engine and the road. “Like to play with your pistol
a bit more.”

Step off the cliff from friendly teasing to sexual innuendo. The boy switched gears faster than anyone I

knew. “That’s way corny.”

“Okay, I’ll be direct.” He scooted closer, right up against my side, his leg against mine and his arm on

my shoulder. “I like you.” Those soft words tickled down my spine and set everything jangling. “I like
how you fuck. I want more with you… round three.”

I lied. “I don’t know.” I wanted him as bad, if not more. Couldn’t handle saying it yet.
“Didn’t like it?”
“Liked it just fine.” I could barely work up enough spit to talk. “But, ah, never done anything this close

to home. You really need to understand that, okay.” The turnoff flashed by in the dark. I was going to take
him home with me. And I was shaking in my boots at the prospect. “Wasn’t just screwing with you out on
the face when I told you not to mess with me in front of no one. Out, away from everyone, we can tease.
But, this is me, I’m Mormon in my heart and a deputy in a tiny little county.”

“You’re afraid.”
“That’s putting it lightly.”
“I won’t say anything, Joe.” Kabe’s hand settled on my knee and darn near stole my breath away. “Not

to anyone.”

His words eased me a little bit. “It’s not much of nothing, my place.” Still, I was as nervous as a horse

at the gate, talking to hear words come out. “Prefab cabin thing, you know, vacation home I bought off a
woman whose husband died. Not much for real living…”

His hand along my thigh, tracking the seam on my jeans— the inside, not outside one, right near my

prick—and sitting right next to me, Kabe’s voice was gentle. “Joe, keep driving, you don’t have to sell
me. I’m already here.”

He was there. All close and all for me. “Okay.” I kinda turned as I said it, just enough to look some

without losing sight of the road. He smiled and rested his head on the seat back near my shoulder. Enough
to be close, but not enough to get popped by my elbow if I had to shift. Ten, twenty miles went under the
tires before I realized he’d fallen asleep. Good to his word.

I’d just bet my whole life on his staying true to that.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER NINE

Kabe climbed out of the truck and whistled as he caught sight of my house. “I assumed you were

talking about a shack of some sort. You know, one of those square boxes with cheap siding.” Even in the
dark, you could see it right well. Especially up here, with the moon so big and the stars. “That looks like a
fancy ski lodge.”

I guess it did. I knew it was panel construction; real wood, mind you… half cut logs and rough timber

gave it the feel of a log cabin. Like model kits, builders could throw one up in a couple months. “It’s the
A-frame.” I headed up onto the porch. “You either build a pitch into the roof or you shovel snow off your
roof come winter.” Flipped on the light as I walked in. I could hear Kabe’s steps behind me. “Five cent
tour of my cabin.” I turned and smiled as he shut the door behind him. Thrift store couch, my old recliner
and a coffee table I’d made from deer antlers didn’t actually say much for my taste. “You’re in the living
room. That there’s the kitchen,” I pointed into the open space with range and all. “Stairs on the left take
you to the loft. Only bath’s down here, under the stairs. Little mud room off the back with a washer-dryer.
Hard as heck to heat in the winter with the high ceiling and metal roof.”

“It’s nice though.” Kabe wandered back past the stair and into the kitchen.
“I’m going to grab a shower.” I followed him the few steps in and pushed open the door to the can. “If

you want to grab some grub, well, there’s the fridge. TV’s on that wall,” I pointed to the corner up front,
“can’t miss it. I got satellite, none of the fancy channels though.”

Kabe turned. He rested his butt against my rickety old table and managed to not fall when it shifted.

“Not all that hungry.” He leered. “Could use a shower.”

I move away from the door a bit. “Okay, go ahead.” Jerking my head to give him the go ahead, I

added, “I’ll wait.”

“Why wait?” I didn’t even see him move it was so quick. One second he’s trying to destroy my

furniture, the next his body’s right up against mine. “Looks big enough if we get close.” Boy wasn’t even
looking in the bathroom.

“Together?” I swallowed.
“Yeah, together.” Kabe tugged on my belt loops, dragging me in. “Come on.”
I was having a lot of firsts with this boy. “Okay.” It was amazing sometimes how much I knew and

how little I really had experienced.

“You know,” Kabe tugged his shirt off and tossed it on the floor. “The whole innocent thing is kinda

cute.”

Shirt halfway up my middle, I stopped. “I’m nothing like cute.” My glare told him I’d hurt him if he

kept it up. “Me and cute don’t add up.”

Kabe’s shoes hit the pile, one after another. “That whole shy thing…at least until you get your clothes

off.” Grinning, he shimmied out of his pants and drawers. Lord Almighty. Dark skin, dark hair, tight, tight
muscles; it all set my mind spinning and my blood raging. His prick stood at attention, swinging slightly
left. The head was all red and swollen.

He leaned over the edge of the tub and turned on the water. The tankless heater kicked in and steam

rose almost as soon as the spray started. Kabe stepped in, ducked his head under the water and ran his
hands through his hair. It beaded up on his skin and ran like rivers along the lines of his hard body. I
hadn’t seen anything that hot in years.

“Well,” he blew out a bit of water, “you going to just watch or planning on getting in?”
That did it. “Be right there.” I shucked my clothes, trying not to get tangled in shirts, undershirts, pants

and shorts then hustled in next to him. The water hit my skin and raised goosebumps, or maybe that was
from being so near to someone like him. He found the sliver of soap in the dish and started lathering up

my chest. I never knew something so simple could feel so good. His hands wandered all over my body.

I memorized the lines of his body though my palms. Every ridge of bone, every cut of muscle burned

itself into my memory through the tips of my fingers. I knew I’d never, ever forget Kabe. The Saints could
all fall, burn out like fireballs, and I’d feel his touch over a thousand miles.

Kabe came close, kissed me. He stole my breath. Soap slicked our skin. My prick rubbed his and

worked sparks into my balls. I humped him like some horny teenager trying to get as much skin as
possible before someone said no. Guess that was close.

“Fucking damn, Joe.” Kabe rolled his head back and bared his throat. I licked the water off his skin.

“You always this desperate?”

“Live out here,” I managed to pant between kisses, “for a few years, then ask me that.”
He pushed me away and licked his lips. “I want it.”
“Turn around.” I couldn’t stop touching him. “You can have it.”
Slow and sexy, he ran his hand through his wet hair and arched his spine. Lord, if I wasn’t done for

already, that killed me. With a smile that was part lust, part desperation and all mine, Kabe turned around
and set his hands on the wall. Warm water plastered Kabe’s hair to his skull. I pushed him up against the
molded plastic confines of the shower, my mouth hard and hungry along the back of his neck. His cock felt
so good in my grip as I wrapped my fingers around it. Soap and water was the best I had right then. I
sipped my prick between his thighs. Hard and soft all mixed together and burned my senses through. I
pumped his dick like mad through my fist, my own prick sliding between his legs, feeling his sac conform
around me.

I had him panting, “Fuck me, Joe,” and trying to angle so I’d bump his hole. I’d have liked to be all

inside him, but didn’t want to stop what I had neither. Even as gone as I was, couldn’t do that. And I was
too gone to stop and go find something I wasn’t sure I had around.

So I just rolled with it, that wonderful burn in my balls and my dick. Us rocking together, the water

running over our bodies. I explored the plane of his back by feel. Every part of Kabe held some secret. A
feather of muscle earned while spanning crevices. A scar of maybe a rope burning fast across skin. All of
it, Kabe’s past etched in his body. I wanted to know it. Understand it.

I hit first, spewing spunk between his legs, over his balls and across my hand. The shudders wouldn’t

quite let me be as I turned Kabe around to drop down on my knees. He tasted like soap instead of guy for
all of about a minute. I sucked hard, feeling him in my mouth, exploring the flare of his head with my
tongue. Then there he was: musky, sweet and bitter all at once.

Kabe shuddered, his fingers digging into my shoulders as I swallowed. Weren’t real smart of me and I

didn’t right care. I pulled myself up using his body, then kissed him deep. We shared that taste, passing his
spunk back and forth with our tongues until the heater started to falter. Toweling off just gave me another
excuse to feel him up. Not that I think Kabe minded much. His hands were on me as much as mine were on
him.

“Come on upstairs.” I used the towel, corners in my fists and the rest slung behind Kabe’s ass to pull

him along. “I got some PJs or something you can wear.”

“How about we just stay naked under the covers?” He smirked, letting me lead him.
I walked us around and up the stairs. “It’s gonna get chilly.” I reminded him as we hit the loft. My bed

weren’t nothing special, a wood frame and some quilts my mom gave me. Bought most of the furniture off
the same gal who sold me the house. So it was old, but big enough for two to be comfortable.

“Then throw an extra blanket on.” Kabe jumped away from me and threw himself, backwards, onto

the mattress, arms flopped and all spread eagled with everything out on display. If I hadn’t just got off, his
butt would have been mine.

Instead I flipped back the covers. “Get your butt under there before you freeze it off.” I scolded. He

shifted and I crawled in next to him. I fumbled above my head, found the main switch and flipped off the

lights. Dark settled over us. Kabe settled into my body. I’d never been between my own sheets in my own
house with anyone else. I never imagined it could feel quite that right. Like it’d been this way forever.
Right scared the sin outta me.

Think I drifted for a while, in bed, plumb forgot about food. Still, after a bit, my body got me up. I

shrugged into my jeans and headed downstairs, tugging on my old sweatshirt, to take care of business.
Didn’t much feel like sleeping right then anyway. Too much restlessness in my body and mind. I needed to
think. So after I shook the weasel out, I headed to where I usually went to do profound thinking.

Stamping into a pair of old boots I kept near the back door, I grabbed my old denim coat and then

stepped out as quiet as I could manage. The vacant glass eye of the bedroom window was up and to my
left. I didn’t want to wake Kabe so I moved quiet. Part of being a mountain jockey, I can find a hold just
about anywhere. This pitch I knew like my own skin. Hand on the door beam, foot on the windowsill, haul
up and grab the eaves. A good swing and I was sitting on the low-pitched roof of the mud room, below my
bedroom window. I looked up at the heavens and tried to think. Best place for it. Slept up there
sometimes, when it got real warm. I’m a creature of strange habits—my mom’ll tell you that.

I lay back on the porch roof, staring at the stars, and pillowed my head on my arms. All those bright

white bits, so near I could almost touch ‘em. Corny, I know, but I do it sometimes just to think. Lotta
thinking can get done up there. It ain’t nothing but you and the heavens and they’re so big and so bright that
you realize just how little some things matter. And then sometimes, you realize how much little things
matter.

That’s what I was kinda thinking on. What kept my mind so wrapped up it wouldn’t let me sleep.
‘Cause in my bed, wrapped up in my sheets, was a guy. A guy I could still smell on me. Musk and

wind and mountains clung to his skin. Lock him in a closet for six months, I’d bet Kabe’d still smell like a
wild free-solo climb. And I was thinking that I should go roust that guy and bring him out to see the stars.
Before I put that plan into motion, I had to get over the big hump of there’s a guy in my bed. There ain’t
never been a guy in my bed—at least not one under my roof, in my house. And yet, it just felt so darned
right. Like things had always been this way. The little things, that’s what did it.

Not five minutes ago, I’d said, “I need to take a walk, get some air,” in a mumble as I pulled away, not

really wanting to get out of that bed and added, “I need to go shake it out.”

Kabe’s hand rested on my belly, near my dick, his head tucked into my shoulder, and he didn’t say

nothing but, “Okay.” As I got up, he grabbed my hand. Not to make me stay or nothing. Naw, he just gave
me a kiss on the inside of my forearm and yawned. “I’ll be here.”

Now what was I supposed to do about that? I was taking a screamer down life’s wall and admiring

the scenery along the way. Oh Lord, why did you put this boy in my path?

As I was trying to wrap my head around the problem, I heard him moving in my room. The window,

the creaky old mechanism, protested as he must have forced the sash shade up. Wondered if I should say
anything to let him know I was up here? Then I wondered what I could say. Hanging out on the rooftop, it
just smacked of strange. How would I explain it? In the end, I held my tongue, hoping he wanted air and
would crawl back under the covers in a moment.

Kabe fumbled with something, couldn’t make out exact by just sound. When he spoke, I figured he

must have been messing with his phone. “Hey, Grams.” Either that or he done gone plumb loco.
Somehow, I think the call was more likely. “Doing okay. Yeah, keeping my nose clean.” Now I regretted
not speaking up immediately. I didn’t want to be sneaky, listen in on something I wasn’t meant to hear.

“No,” Kabe gave a quiet chuckle, “I’m not at the ranch, I’m staying at a friend’s place.” There was a

long pause there… a real long, to the point of uncomfortable, pause. Wondered what his Grams grilled
him on. “Well, he’s a nice guy, little bit of a control freak.” Me, a control freak, naw…well, not big time,
just liked to get my way most times. “No, not that way, he’s a deputy out here.” Now Kabe laughed good
and hard. Through it I heard him keep talking, “Yeah, finally some good friends.” More silence after the

laughter died. His voice went all soft. “Ahh, yeah, it’s that kind of friendship too, but look, you can’t tell
T or Aunt Sandy or anything, okay…” Heck, yeah, it was that kinda friendship and then some.

“I really like him. He’s nice to me. Not like trying to get in my pants nice, either. I mean, he treats me

like a real person, not some stupid piece of meat.” I rolled my head back, just a bit, and caught his
shadow at the window. One lean, strong arm dangled out, his head kinda resting on it. And, by the angle,
he was staring up and out…looking at the stars like me. My heart hit my chest so hard it hurt. “Joe just
takes charge, tells you what you should do, and expects you’ll get it done. And he doesn’t put up with any
of my shit, I can’t get away with anything around him. It’s kinda nice being around someone who gives a
crap enough to say ‘sit down and shut up.’ Everyone else was just, ‘let’s watch Kabe be a jerk.’ Joe’s not
like that.”

My momma always said bossy was good for a deputy and bad for everything else. But Kabe talked

like he liked it. I’d been rough with him. Messed with his head on the wall and then tied him up in my
truck. Here he was though, telling his grandma I was something special.

“Oh, damn, is he good looking.” I guessed that was in response to some question. “You’d drool over

him. Hell, Dad would drool over him…he’s that good looking.” Boy must have been eating something
strange, ‘cause I wasn’t all that. But, Lord, it was nice hearing that he thought so, even if it meant he was
crazy. “Blond hair, what he doesn’t shave off—extreme buzz-cut—grey-blue eyes and this big ass country
boy grin.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said it. “I just feel kinda safe around him.
And even when he doesn’t need you around, you feel like he wants you around…you know. I like how he
tells me to do things.” He groaned and rolled his head a bit. I tried to disappear into the shadow on the
roof. Maybe if I didn’t breathe, he wouldn’t see me. “Well, yeah, I mean, it’s like checking gear. One of
the reasons I do free solo…no one to keep harping ‘did you do this, did you check that.’ Joe and I did
some pitches, and he checked my gear, but it wasn’t like ‘you’re stupid.’ It was I check you, you check
me, ‘cause another set of eyes is good.” He laughed all quiet. “Look, time to run, just wanted to let you
know I’m okay. If you talk to Sandy or T, tell ‘em I’m fine. I’ll call ‘em later and check in. I love you, tell
Dad I miss him, okay.” A heavy sigh punctuated the soft beep of the disconnect.

I waited for a while, waited for him to shut the window and go back in. Boy made no sign of moving.

Great, now he was going to sit there mooning in the window and I couldn’t stay out here all night. Oh,
heck, time to come clean. I whispered. “Hey, Kabe.”

“Joe?” I could see him sit up and look back. Probably thought I’d gone and snuck up on him.
“Down here,” I sat up and hooked my arms over my knees, “outside on the roof.”
He leaned out the window. The moon's light went all warm where it touched him, and turned his skin

into melted chocolate. “What the fuck are you doing up on the roof?”

I shrugged. “Eavesdropping, I guess.” Clambering to my feet, I steadied myself on the rough-hewn

wall. The few steps up the pitch got me to where I could lean on the windowsill. Kabe moved a bit so that
I had one corner and he the other. “Didn’t mean to.” I apologized. “Was going to tell you I was up here,
but you’d already started jawing.”

Kabe just stared at me a bit. Then he snorted and asked, “So you heard everything?”
“Yeah.”
Running his hand through that mop of black hair, he snorted again. “Fuck.” Then he barked out a laugh.

“Good.”

“Good?”
“Yeah, then I don’t have to make any stupid confessions to your face.” Kabe dropped his head on the

arm still canted out the window. “Me, the closet romantic.” His words got kinda muffled.

I leaned in, trying not to slip, and put my mouth near his ear. “I’m falling too, it’s likely to kill me.”
As he rolled his head to look at me, the stars shone in his eyes. For a moment my heart stopped

beating. “It’s not the fall you know.” His breath was all warm on my cheek. “It’s that sudden stop at the

end that does it.”

Just before I kissed him, I whispered, “I hope it doesn’t hurt much.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER TEN

Panguitch Library smelled like new paint and musty carpets. Mrs. Massey led us through the dark

building toward periodicals. Every so often she’d flip a light switch, long enough for us to pass through a
section. Then she’d turn it off on the other side. Normally, the library didn’t open until afternoon, but
she’d come in first thing because I’d asked.

Looked like we’d reached the right place when Mrs. Massey didn’t switch off the light. Instead she

settled onto an office chair that’d seen better days and smoothed out her floral print skirt over her lap.
“Old newspapers are over there,” she pointed toward a shelf where large blond books hid under several
blue-spined volumes along the bottom row. Above, stacks of papers occupied the rest of the case. “Oldest
are in the bound books. Careful with those, they’re brittle.”

“Aren’t they on microfiche?” Kabe flipped through back issues of Boy’s Life, Highlights and Mormon

Life on the magazine display. Heck, I ain’t sure if they’d got anything more hard-core than Newsweek
shelved in Panguitch.

“Honey, we ain’t got the budget to manage that.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Least not for

anything local. We get the big names already done for us.” A little more primping and she asked. “What
are you boys looking for?”

When she smiled, it made me think of my grandma, Lord rest her soul, and I smiled back. Problem

was I didn’t quite know what we were looking for. “Not rightly sure.” I really did not want to spend the
rest of my day flipping through piles of newsprint. “We were talking with Old Man Jennings over at
Ruby’s.” Funny how every guy over fifty becomes an Old Man and anyone under thirty gets called Boy.
“He reminded me of a guy, maybe ten years back, whose wife fell off the trail in Zions.”

“Oh, I remember… my granddaughter, Jamie, the one who died in that car accident. It happened right

about the time she went over to Salt Lake for her Temple Endowment.” She stood and fussed with her
skirt again. “Here, let me look it up.”

“The newspaper account?” Kabe sounded confused. ‘Course I was too, a bit. Mrs. Massey had started

off back the way we’d come.

“No son,” she laughed one of those librarian laughs, all quiet, restrained and a little like she was

embarrassed by the noise. “The temple records. I’ve been called the past six years as the church
secretary. I’ve set it up so I can access the computer, births, deaths, endowments and marriages from here.
Not a lot happens at the library here. I have it all at my fingertips.” She disappeared into the stacks. I
guessed she was headed for the library office up front.

Kabe snorted and wandered to one of the reading tables. “Okay, the newspapers are rotting away in

books, but all those records are on her computer.” Then he plunked himself down in a molded plastic
chair, the same type that just about every school I’d ever been in used, and shook his head.
“Endowments…they keep track of the money huh?”

“No, that’s tithing.” I settled in across from him. Yep, chairs were just as uncomfortable as I

remembered. “Ten percent. Endowment is when you become a full member of the church, for guys it’s just
before your mission.” I could tell by the look on his face, Kabe didn’t really get it. “Look, you go to one
of the big temples. You get undressed in front of all these old men and bathed and then you put on this
robe and they bless parts of your body. Then you put on all white clothes and an apron and watch a really
badly done movie. And if I tell you more I’d have to kill you.”

His eyes went wide. “Seriously?”
“No,” I started to laugh, but choked it back. Don’t know why, the library was empty. “Not the killing

part, the rest of it, yep, serious. You now know, though, more than I did going into my Endowment.” Lord,
I’d been scared then, knees knocking like saplings in a breeze. I think I’d done thrown up near a dozen

times on that morning from the fear of just not knowing what came next. I rested my chin on my fist as I
leaned over the table. We ain’t supposed to talk about it to people outside the church. I figured, maybe,
Kabe would get a kick out of what happened. “Here I am…nineteen…naked with all these old farts
touching me,” still kept my voice low so Mrs. Massey wouldn’t hear up front, “and I’m thinking the first
one that lays a hand on my pecker, I’m kicking someone in the nuts, running and I don’t care if God strikes
me down in the parking lot.”

Didn’t quite have the effect I’d planned. Instead of a smile or laughter or even just a chuckle, Kabe

looked at me slack jawed and slightly horrified. He hissed out, “Dude, that’s freaky, weird. Seriously
fucked up shit.”

That reaction, that’s why we don’t talk about things outside the church. I rocked back in my chair,

crossed my arms over my chest, and stared at the clock on the wall. It was darn uncomfortable for the five
minutes it took before Mrs. Massey came back. All the time, Kabe stared at me. Felt like the Kodiak Bear
in his concrete pen over at the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake. All those people ogling him like he’s all strange
and them feeling real sad for him and real glad for themselves that they ain’t in there with him.

“Alright boys,” she beamed as she rounded the stacks with a piece of scrap paper in her hand. “Jamie

had her Endowment a month before she got married. So that would have put it in June ten years ago.”
Breezing past us she headed for the shelf of blue binders and yellow books. “Let’s look a few months to
either side of that.”

It took digging, but not a lot. The Garfield County rag was a weekly, not a daily, and we figured to

start there. Tended to keep to local news: who’d been called to what mission, things happening in Bryce
Valley and flyers for the big chain market. A fall in Zion would likely make the local news.

The searching through brought back a lot of memories. Ten years ago, I’d have been twenty-two or

twenty-three and living in St. George with my older sister. Every day spent trying to get jobs that weren’t
there. Tried my hand at college and just couldn’t get the swing of it. I’d spent late nights up on her
computer on this one bulletin board, wishing and talking about things I’d never told anyone up to then.

Three things happened that year for me. I met Vern, one of the guys with a gay Mormon support group,

online, and we’d talked a lot about what I was feeling. Realized I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t crazy, and I
hadn’t somehow sold my soul to the Devil. I’d met another guy, Mike, online and then later, in Vegas, and
he showed me the ropes, so to speak. And I’d applied for the Utah Department of Corrections, never
thinking I’d have a chance. All of it turned out to be some of the best things that I ever could have done for
myself.

Kabe’s, “Found it!” yanked me from my memories. The three of us clustered around a dusty blue

binder open to May ten years back. There it was. A tiny blurb about one Frieda Warner who fell to her
death while hiking in Zion, and how the Ward had prayed for her. Now we knew the when of it. The
library didn’t carry the big papers that far back and even a lot of those, according to Mrs. Massey, didn’t
keep online archives more than a few years.

Still, sweet and patient, she fired up the computer. I stood over one shoulder and Kabe the other. Mrs.

Massey didn’t complain about being hemmed in like that or us doing the backseat driver routine with a
computer search. The Moab papers didn’t help. The Zypher went back to ’98 but only abstracts that far,
and the Spectrum had larger articles but nothing prior to ’04. Our best bet was one of the Salt Lake rags.

Hit it with the Tribune. Way back, one little three hundred word article in the archives. That gave us

the details though. Enough that when Mrs. Massey expanded the search to the rest of the web, we found it.
A picture, only one blurry scanned copy of a news article lodged in some climbing magazine archive.
There was my man, Gunter Warner. Only he’d gone by Alban…Alban G. Warner. Bit heftier then, not the
rail-thin man we’d met, and wearing a beard. You could tell it was him though. Enough facial features
matched. He and his then-wife Frieda stood on some canyon outcrop hugging.

Nothing said Frieda’s death had been anything but an accident—somehow I figured different. They

always claim murderers returned to the scenes of their crimes. Lot of police buy into that…mostly ‘cause
it’s human nature to want to relive the bad and the good. Man had to be pretty darn smug to come back out
here and do it again. ‘Course, maybe he’d gotten away with it once before. Good many folk see
backcountry law as a bunch of uneducated hicks. From what I’d seen of Gunter, he fit the profile.

As Mrs. Massey printed out the article, my cell phone rang. I dug it off my hip and flipped it open,

“Joe’s Pizza.” Kabe raised an eyebrow and shook his head. The only jokes I know are lame ones.

“’Scuse me?” Nadia sounded a wee bit confused. I suspected it was Nadia since I didn’t have many

women with southern drawls phoning me. “I’m looking for Joe Peterson.”

“That’s me.” I chuckled. “Is this one lady Ranger of my acquaintance?”
“Sure ‘nuf.” Kabe snagged the paper off the printer as Nadia talked. “What you doin’ for lunch?”
I jammed the phone between my ear and my shoulder as Kabe walked over and handed me the paper.

“If’n you’re asking then I suspect I’m having lunch with you.”

“I’ve got some pictures for you. You’ll want to see ‘em as soon as possible.” God loved me today and

I loved Ranger Slokum. “So I thought it might be easier to meet me at that diner halfway between here and
there.”

“At Bryce Junction, sure.” The junction was a little seasonal place where Highway 89 met Route 12.

Didn’t want to put her out though, not after she’d come through with my pictures. “I could come up to
you.”

“No, Sugar,” I could hear the smile over the connection, “they’re hooking up my computer today. Got

to eat and might as well get out for a bit. Half an hour sound good?”

“See you then.” I looked over to where Kabe’d wandered. He’d picked up one of the magazines from

earlier and thumbed

through it. Mrs. Massey was busy shutting down the computer. “Kabe’s tagging along with me, so get

a table for three.”

After a pause, Nadia groaned, “And they said it couldn’t be love.”
“Teasing is not appreciated.”
“Don’t worry, Sugar.” Now she sounded motherly. “Ain’t nobody around me ‘cept ground squirrels.”

Somehow I got the sense she’d mother like a cougar. Pretty hands off unless somebody got her sideways.
Then it’d take all hell to back her down. “I take it you boys had a little teddy bear snuggle?”

Ignoring the tease wrapped in a question, I growled out, “I’ll see you in thirty.”
“See,” her voice went all girly, “you ain’t denying it.”
“Later, Ranger Slokum.” I didn’t say goodbye, just clicked the phone shut. I figured she’d see it as

another excuse to claim she’d hit my button. She had. Strangely, I was okay with that, at least with her. I
thumped Kabe’s shoulder as I walked past. “Thank you for the help, Mrs. Massey. I got a meeting with a
park ranger.” I smiled as she started to stand. “We can find our own way out.”

“Alright then boys,” she grinned back, “take care of yourselves.”
I had a good hunch what Nadia likely had for me. Probably pushed the speed limits a little too much

on my drive. We made better time than I’d planned on.

Bryce Junction wasn’t much more than a couple hotels, a gas station and a few tourist shops hawking

Hopi pots and Navajo silver. I pulled the truck into a dirt parking area next to an NPS car. The lot fronted
a log cabin style building overhung with a green metal roof. Big red letters proclaimed Restaurant. Just to
the side of the door a small white sign said cabins available. We walked in and found Nadia already at a
table with a plate of ham and eggs. “Hey, sugars.” She waved us and the waitress over. Off to the side,
where it was safe from coffee and food spills, Anya’s battered camera in the plastic evidence bag sat on
top of a manila folder. “What you boys want to eat?”

Kabe slid onto a chair. “Just a Diet Coke.”
She clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “No wonder y’all’s so thin.” Reaching over,

Nadia prodded his forearm with one finger. Then she sat back and scowled at me. “He don’t ever eat
nothing, does he?”

Like it was my job to make sure Kabe got fed? Boy was old enough to take care of himself. “Seen him

eat.” Been to the place enough times I didn’t need the menu. “I’ll take a lemonade and club sandwich.”
When the waitress left, Nadia moved the camera. “That for me?”

“Sure is.” She slid the folder over. Kabe moved in close. Real close. His thigh met mine at the hip

and ran all along to the knee, our shoulders bumped and our elbows brushed. A shiver shot down my
spine. Made my jeans go all too tight. Wanted to pull him into my lap and grind my prick into his butt.
That’s what I got for going from almost no sex to three times in less than a week. My hormones were all in
overdrive. Distracting myself, I flipped open the folder.

Another tremble, completely different, followed the first. The orange date and timestamp put it the

morning of the fall, right around sunup. Typical landscape shot: lots of trees and red rocks and hoodoos in
the background. ‘Cept off in one corner, a tiny figure could be seen in the trees. “I printed out the ones I
thought you’d need most.” The next shot, same general angle only I could make out Gunter. Still a ways off
in the shot, he headed out of the deer trail Kabe and I’d followed, small in the frame but recognizable.
“Good 200 pictures on that SD. Didn’t delete any of them, you’ll be able to retrieve ‘em again.” In rapid
succession the photos showed him approaching the camera. He looked grim. He looked determined. A
couple of shots were taken almost right up against Gunter’s nose. One you could barely see the sun
through what looked like his fingers wrapped over the lens. Nadia tapped that photo. “That’s the last shot
on the SD. Nothing so nice as her photographing him looking over the rim as she falls.”

“Nope,” I slid the photos back in the folder, “but it pokes a hole in his story big enough to drive a

dozen head of cattle through.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“Joe, get in here.” Myron Simple, Sheriff elect, yelled from his office. “I need to talk to you.”
“Be there in just a minute, sir.” Just ‘cause he’s an elected official don’t mean I don’t treat him with

respect. Retired from a large metropolitan force in the South. Moved out to hunt and fish in his golden
years, then ended up running for the seat. Even not local, well, people ‘round here are smart enough to
know the difference a little experience can make. “I’m working on an affidavit for a search warrant.”

Time to nail ol’ Alban Gunter Warner to the wall. Had the statements I heard all typed out. Stacked

next to me were copies of the photos from Anya’s camera and the article we’d printed. I logged the
originals and the camera into our evidence locker the moment Kabe and I hit the station. Everything I’d
learned was noted neat and tidy. Now it was just a matter of filling in the right boxes for the judge.

Kabe went tense next to me. I coulda been fifty feet away and sensed it. Tap him with a finger and

he’d shatter. I looked up to see Sheriff Simple filling the doorframe. “Let Diamond handle it. Get in here.”
The man’s growl could scare a bull off his feed.

“Yessir.” You did not mess with that tone. Learned it early, learned it good. I jerked my chin at

Diamond, slapped Kabe on the back and hustled into his office. “What can I do for you, sir?”

Simple eased himself behind his desk and into his chair. “Sit down, shut the door.” I did both,

although not in the order he said it. Rocking back so hard the springs complained, he crossed his arms
over his chest and just looked at me. I don’t know what the heck I’d done, but when the man acted like that
someone was about to get their hide tanned. “Were you back out at the Harding place?”

I guessed that someone was likely me.
“Yessir, yesterday and the day before that.” Maybe I was about to get whooped for overtime these last

couple of days. I hadn’t clocked it, wasn’t really thinking of doing so, but Simple wouldn’t have known
that. “Working on the woman that supposedly fell—I called in a couple times. Things came up and I got
real suspicious. Since I was at loose ends these last couple a days, figured I’d just keep myself occupied.
Found the camera that seemed to disappear. It’s got photos of her husband in it, time stamped at a time he
says he wasn’t there. He’s wearing the same gear he had on when we went up to recover the body. That’s
the affidavit we’re working on so I can take it over to the judge.”

Simple didn’t uncross his arms, bad sign, and he sucked on his teeth like he needed help with thinking.

“Was that boy out there with you?”

“Yessir, Mr. Varghese was with me.” Felt so awkward calling Kabe mister anything, but I didn’t want

to sound too familiar. “He’s a good climber.”

“Isn’t he also a person of interest?”
Yep, I’d walked into that pile of manure. I thought up a ton of excuses about Fred and Jack and just

about everyone else. Finally I chucked ‘em all and shot straight. Lying would just write itself across my
face. “As much as anyone nearby was, yessir.”

With a nod, Simple untangled that death grip he had on his own chest. Instead he started drumming his

fingers against the arms of his old leather desk chair. I couldn’t reckon whether I was better or worse off
than before. “Where did you spend the night?”

“I don’t figure how…”
Every inch of his body stilled. “Just answer me, Joe.”
It was camping. Done it a million times and never meant nothing before. “Back of my truck, sir.”

Shouldn’t mean nothing now.

Simple’s eyes flicked up to the scarred door behind me. Through the grimy glass he could see

everything that mattered in the squad room, or at least he always seemed to. “With him?”

There wasn’t enough stupid in the world for me to try and pretend I didn’t know which him Simple

meant. “Well, I could have left him outside to freeze, but I thought that might seem rather un-neighborly of
me.” I winced at the snot tone in my own voice. But Simple was leading me toward a river I didn’t want
to cross.

Simple let me stew for a bit longer than I really liked. Finally, he took a right deep breath. “Ramon

apparently thought some of the same things you did about Warner’s story.” The man sounded tired. Deep
down soul-tired. “Don’t even open your mouth, Joe, hear me out.” I really hadn’t been thinking to speak.
Didn’t seem there was much I needed to say right at that point. “You know Ramon, there’s old biddies
who gossip less.” Another heavy sigh, and I realized Simple didn’t want to be saying what he was about
to be saying. “From what I hear tell, he overheard you and that Mr. Varghese on one of the channels. You
got any idea of what he says came through? Tell me it’s just Ramon, being nasty and throwing things up
outta proportion. Tell me he’s lying, Joe.”

I ran my hands up over my scalp and laced the fingers over the top of my head. Maybe it might keep

my brains from exploding out my ears. “Depends some on what he said.” Oh man, I sounded guiltier than
a dog caught in the hen house with feathers on his nose.

Simple nodded and leaned forward so his elbows rested on the old wood desk. Like his own thoughts

might pain him as well, Simple rubbed his forehead with his fingers and stared at his palms. Without
looking me in the eye, not that I coulda taken that, he laid it out. “Something along the lines of you and that
Kabe seeming to have gotten real familiar with each other real quick. And in a way most men don’t get
with other men. ‘Cept Ramon wasn’t so nice with how he said it.”

It knocked the wind outta me as bad as if I’d been kicked. Had to drop my head between my knees and

try and find where my breath ran off to. Shakes hit so hard and fast, they nearly sent me off the chair. All I
wanted to do was run, but I was penned in by a few hundred miles of fence. There was nowhere to go.
The front edge of the storm had just tore through and all hell was about to break loose behind it. I tried to
say something, anything, that might put that horse back in the barn and nothin’ would come out.

“Holy shit, Joe.” Myron hissed it out like he’d been burned. “Holy mother loving shit! Okay, let’s start

from the ground up on the hornets’ nest you’ve stuck your hand in. The boy’s a con on active parole.
Narcotics charges. You’re the one who told me about it. He’s a person of interest in an investigation into
what you seem to think is not an accidental death. And from what you told me, it probably ain’t. You’re
gonna mess that up for a jump in the sack. With a dick, no less. And you were caught at it by Ramon-
fucking-Piestewa, the one mouth who will make sure everyone in three counties knows. And it’s gonna
swell with the telling. Do you not see the twenty levels of wrong this is?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” My spine leaked jelly, I couldn’t hardly raise up from bent over. It took every bit of

strength in my arms to lift my chest enough I could even look at the man. “I was weak and I fell…”

“Save that whiny shit for your Bishop, Joe.” Simple snapped. The whipcrack in his voice yanked me

upright like a bit-chain yanked short. “I can’t say that it don’t knock some of my notions of you right down
to the core. But that’s between you and whatever God y’all are talking to.” He pounded the desk with his
fist a couple times, punctuating his next words. “Me, I got to deal with the here and now and the laws of
the great state of Utah, not to mention those of Garfield county.” Blowing out the frustration in one big
huff, Simple shook his head. “I will tell you, since taking office, you’re one of the few men I rely on all
the time. I always knew, until this moment, that Joseph Peterson would never put anything in front of his
job. Diamond, damn good deputy, but half the time she’s out ‘cause her kid’s sick these days. Nick, Mike,
Spencer…hell, most of the time I wonder how they made it through the academy and then I know why I’m
stuck with them in the middle of nowhere…there ain’t nothing they can really mess up out here. Pretty
much it’s you, Donna and Jess that carry this department right now.” Things got real quiet for a bit. One of
those heavy silences of the sort that linger ‘round funeral parlors. “And I hate to do this. You’re
suspended, Joe, while I figure out what I got to do. Gimme your badge and your sidearm.”

Lord, oh Lord, I shoulda listened to that voice in my head saying don’t. Rolled over, taken a walk in

the woods to drain the lizard and stroked off. Instead, I’d caved to seduction… who was I lying to? I’d
seduced him. Sin had walked over and I’d embraced it whole hog. Now here my indiscretions came home
to roost in spades. Messing up my career, messing up my life, yeah, them’s bad enough, but I might have
messed up a case. Bring in some hot shot lawyer mouthpiece from Salt Lake and they’d hand me my butt
in bite-size pieces. There’s people you let down…and then there’s people you let down.

“Sir, I ah…”
“Joe, don’t.” His hands went up like he tried to push away the bad thoughts. “Just stop, gimme your

badge and your piece.” Something like an attempt at a smile blew across his face and died. “You’re going
to sit on your ass for a while.” As he talked I un-holstered my piece, removed the clip and cleared the live
round before sliding them across the desk. That didn’t go down half as hard as taking the badge outta my
wallet. It felt like I was tearing my soul out with it and I barely heard Simple. “Go hunting, fishing, I don’t
care. I got to think. I can’t do it while you’re sitting there. So you need to just walk out and go home.”
Feeling half nekkid I stood and started to walk toward the door. “Joe.” Simple’s voice caught me mid
stride. “I’ll need the rifle, keys to your patrol car, too.”

My Lord, just rip out my gut and hand it to me. I had plenty of rifles and guns at home, but the weapons

I carry for service, they feel like a part of my body. “Yessir.” Nothing more than a mumble came out. I
had to force more volume into my voice to be heard. With my chest knotted up like it was, I barely
managed to get it out. “I gotta take Kabe back to T’s place. I’ll bring the car when I come back ‘round. I
was off duty, just scouting on my two days off, so I took my own truck, left the car at the house.”

“You can drive me out to your place, Joe.” I watched as Simple took my sidearm and badge, pulled

open the desk drawer and dropped them in. It was likely the longest seconds of my life. With the finality
of a closing casket, he slid the drawer shut then stood. “I’ll take this guy out to T’s and come on back to
the station. See what I’m going to do about the paperwork, how I’m going to work this out.”

“You don’t need to do that, sir.” Why I couldn’t dredge up the stones to tell him to shove it, I don’t

know. Maybe all those years of Sunday school wedged in my head, kept me polite when I wanted to be
putting the hurt on anyone I could get my hands on.

“Yes I do.” The funeral dirge sounded again. “I really do. I can’t have you in uniform right now.”
I did not want to know it, but I had to. “’Cause of what I am?” The question reeked of bitter. And for

just this once, I didn’t much care.

“’Cause of what you did. It was damn stupid, Joe. Damn stupid. And when I get past the damn stupid

part of it I’ll deal with all the other shit it brings up.” Simple settled into the wide-legged, hands on his
middle cop stance. “You have dropped a load of manure in my lap the size of Red Rock Canyon.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”
“So am I.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER TWELVE

When I pulled up to my house, I realized Hell had come home to roost. Pete Sampris’ car took up the

left end of my drive. Pete Sampris lurked on the second step on my porch. Grim-faced, he looked up and
tracked my truck with his beady, dark eyes as I pulled to the right and parked. I didn’t have so much a
front yard as a cleared area. I generally tended to just pull in where the mood struck me.

Kabe’s shoulder brushed mine as he craned his neck ‘round to take in Pete. Probably wondered who

the guy who looked like a fencepost with an attitude was. Myron, wedged at the other end of the bench,
made one of those sympathetic, disgusted sounds in the back of his throat. Myron didn’t much cotton to
Pete. Can’t say that I did, neither. Pete wrangled, cajoled and prodded people to get his way. When that
didn’t work, he’d flat out resort to bullying. Effective, but not a particularly pleasant way to deal with
things.

For the last six years, Pete served as Bishop for my Ward. Spiritual leader, counselor, accountant…

Pete pretty much did it all. He had the time. Retired from teaching school a ways back and all his kids
were grown; being the Bishop was a full time job without pay. I did not want to deal with this or Pete.
Nothing to do about it but just wade on through. Like trying to hold back the tide, a man was helpless
against the wheels of the Church in these parts.

I swung out of my truck and tried to be polite. “Evening Pete. Guessing word’s gotten ‘round to you,

huh?” I managed to dredge up half a smile as I walked toward my own home like a man on his way to the
gallows. “Ain’t much of a time for a social call.” About half way between the truck and the house, I
stopped. Figured I’d make Pete come at least a little down to me.

Behind me, I heard both doors on the truck slam. I wished the timing had been better or the gossip

grapevine less efficient.

I knew it would come to this eventually. Didn’t want it to. But I knew it would just as sure as I knew

the sun’d rise tomorrow. Still, I could have done without an audience right about now.

Pete stood, jammed his hands in his pockets and didn’t smile back. “Why don’t we go inside, Joe?”
“I don’t know, Pete.” My chest felt heavy, like I had Pete sitting on it or something. “I’m thinking on

that.”

I felt more than heard Sheriff Simple come up next to me. His rock steady grip found my shoulder.

Myron held on probably a hair longer than just a friendly touch. I took the bare bit of sympathy it offered.
He sighed, understanding without knowing what I was in for. “Look, Joe,” he squeezed his fingers once
before letting go. “I got to take the car on back, get Mr. Varghese home. You gonna be okay?”

“As okay as I can be, I guess.” I fished my ring out of my pocket and passed it over. “Here’s the

keys.” Hurt like hell, almost as bad as when Myron took my piece and badge. The last little bits of who I
was being passed into the man’s hand. “Rifle’s in the trunk.”

“Okay. I’ll be in touch, Joe. You got my home phone. Use it if you need an ear to bend, I mean that.”

Myron shot a glare at Pete then returned his attention to me. “I didn’t want to do what I had to. You’re a
damn decent deputy and a damn fine human being. I’m proud to know you.” Somehow I knew Myron was
telling me things so that Pete would hear ‘em. The sheriff wanted me to know, but I think, maybe, he also
wanted Pete to understand that I was still part of his team. “Department wise it’ll take a little time to sort
out, but don’t think you’re getting away from me so easy.” Leaning in, he added in a much softer voice,
one that wouldn’t carry far. “Think you could live with a drop in grade?”

I kept my response pretty low, too. Myron and I both knew that eventually it would get around. The

longer we could stall the less impact it’d have. “Not like I have a whole lot of choice.” I shrugged and
glanced over at Kabe, who’d come up on my other side. From the look in his eyes, he’d caught that there
was no love lost between the Sheriff and Pete. Probably wondered why and who the hell Pete was. No

time to bring the boy up to speed right then.

“There’s always choices, Joe.” Myron bumped my arm with his fist, like a coach egging a player on.

Stepping back, he spoke up loud enough for Pete to hear. “Sometimes, Joe, you just got to decide where to
draw the line.” For the first time he directly acknowledged that Pete was there, turning, nodding and
touching the brim of his hat in a simple greeting. He didn’t say a darn thing to the Bishop though. Myron
jerked his head toward my patrol car. “Mr. Varghese, you come on with me. Take you back up to the
Harding place.”

Kabe’s eyes narrowed and his gaze jumped between me, the sheriff and Pete, then back again. I could

almost see the wheels turning. After a moment, he screwed up his mouth into a tight grimace and crossed
his arms over his chest. “No,” Kabe shook his head to emphasize. “I think I’ll stay here.”

“No, Kabe,” stepping up real close, I dropped my voice to a whisper, I certainly didn’t want Pete to

hear our exchange. “You go on. You don’t want to stick around and see this.” I’d told him a little of what
happened in the Sheriff’s office. Don’t know as he understood all of the problems though.

Kabe’s glare jerked toward the man standing on the steps. “Who is he?”
“My Bishop.” I sighed and tried to play it down for Kabe, “I think I’m about to get a righteous talking

to.”

“No way am I leaving then.”
I reached up and laid my hand, real gentle, on his shoulder. “Your ears don’t need to hear what he’s

gonna say.” I used the touch to start him walking with me toward the Sheriff and his ride off my property.

“Yeah,” Kabe snorted. “Well, I’m pretty sure I’ll have some choice words back for him, too.”
I stopped and turned so that we were face to face. Pete’d already had the worst of it. Pretty soon he’d

figure out who Kabe was. My other hand wrapped around Kabe’s bicep. “And that’s why I don’t want
you here.” How we stood, how I touched him, well it said something about us and I didn’t right care then.
“Let him say his piece and let him go home.”

“I’m not leaving.” That same focused determination that I’d seen take hold of him on the wall

swarmed up over his features. “What are you going to do, Joe? Handcuff me and throw me in the back of
the patrol car? I’m not going to leave you to face that alone. Fuck knows you didn’t get into it by yourself.
I shouldn’t have teased you on the mike.”

I pulled him in as close as I dared, damn near hissing in his face, “And I shouldn’t have gotten nekkid

with you in the back of my truck. But it’s done now. There ain’t no rolling back time.”

A tiny bit of uncertainty flashed in those green eyes. I wasn’t certain what Kabe was afraid of and I

was a little too wrapped up in my own problems to try and track down why. Softer, without all the
bullheaded posturing, he asked, “You’d want to rewind to before it all happened?”

“Naw,” I couldn’t help but smile, even if it was a brief thing that blew past quick. “I’d like to move it

back to before Ramon heard anything, or shoot him in the head or something. I don’t think you know how
much poison’s here,” I tapped the center of my chest, “right now. I wouldn’t be held responsible if he
came along any time soon.”

“You and me both.” Kabe snorted loud enough that Pete’s glare went from annoyed to downright

hateful.

“But I’m a big boy.” I squeezed his arm, letting Kabe know I didn’t hold none of this against him. “I

chose what to do and did it. And, frankly,” what little bit of smile I could find, I gave to Kabe, “I’d do it
again. Sooner or later something like this was bound to happen, anyway. Just happened in the sooner
rather than later. There’s a lot of lying and hiding that’s about to catch up with me.” Letting go, I stepped
back and kinda brushed him off toward where Myron stood—acting like he didn’t see nor hear nothing. “I
got T’s number, here’s mine.” I yanked the pen off where I’d clipped it to my collar, grabbed his hand and
scribbled the number in ballpoint down his forearm. “You know where I live now. I ain’t saying I don’t
want you around.

There’re some things, though, that don’t need to be witnessed. This is one of them. So buck it up and

take it on home.”

“Joe…” I could almost see the protests building on his tongue.
“Look, Kabe,” I growled, cutting him off. “Do you have any respect for me at all?”
“More than you probably know.”
“Then you respect me on this. Please, give me that little bit of pride, ‘cause I ain’t gonna have a whole

lot left when this all blows down.”

Kabe glanced at Pete and then swung back on me. “I think it’s a really bad idea to leave you alone.”
“But it’s what I need you to do.” I pushed him toward the car. “Go on.” I smiled then, as best I could

when I felt like screaming. “Get yourself on home. I’ll call T’s place in the morning, promise.” He shook
his head and started to open his mouth. I cut him off again. “I said now. Get! We’ll talk later.” Something
dark and hard closed down over him, locking all his emotions down like when I first met him. Even his
eyes went flat. He jerked his shoulders like nothing much mattered, then wandered to the car and climbed
in without even looking back at me. Fine enough, I’d talk it out with him later.

Myron shot one last nasty look at Pete before getting in as well. The car started with a rumble and

gravel crunched as Myron put it in gear. Time to get the party going. I didn’t wait to watch ‘em go, just
turned on my heel, pushed past Pete on the stairs and let myself in. Didn’t bother to invite Pete to follow, I
figured he just would whether I wanted him to or not.

Light was fading outside so I flicked on the lights as I went in. Everything seemed a heck of a lot more

barren than it had this morning. The dishes from breakfast, a double set of them, still sat on the counter.
Probably should clean up, but I didn’t much want to bother right then. I turned just quick enough to catch
Pete staring at the sink with the bowls, spoons and mugs. Yeah, he likely figured out what it meant. Not
that it was any worse than what he’d already heard.

Tearing his gaze from them, like a simple set of cereal bowls held some evil power to stain his soul,

Pete minced into my living room and shuddered…man walked like a cat across Velcro. “Let’s talk, Joe.”
Pete settled onto the worn cushions of my couch and folded his hands across his knees. A sad smile
worked across his mouth, drawing down the lines on his face. “I’ve known you since you were a kid.
What happened?” Just jump in and swim—that was Pete all over. “Did something taint you while you
worked at the prison?”

I dropped down heavy into my recliner. Thing had seen more years than the couch. I rubbed my

temples before growling out, “Even you can’t be that stupid, Pete.”

He laughed, but didn’t sound amused at all. “You know what I mean.”
“Actually, cain’t say as I do.”
“Seeing how those men act in prison.” Shaking his head like he couldn’t fathom the minds of such

fallen men, how they’d choose to be that way, Pete blew out a long-suffering sigh then clucked his tongue
on the roof of his mouth. “Maybe it made you think that this was acceptable.” He leaned forward,
pretending at sympathy. “Or was it him? They told me he’s a convict. It turned your head thinking that
nobody’s going to know, just this once.” Pete rolled his hands so they rested palm up, like Christ’s did in
the print I could just see over his shoulder. “We all have urges and I know it’s hard not to give in
sometimes. I know you’re lonely. You don’t have a woman in your life. At your age, that’s got to be
frustrating.”

I had to count to ten under my breath before I could answer. “I don’t have a woman in my life, Pete,

because it ain’t a woman I want in my life.”

“This is the Devil talking in you, Joe.” His voice was deep and even. Definitely a minister’s voice…

or a used car salesman’s, didn’t right know which at that point. “You don’t mean that. I know you.”

“You don’t know nothing of me.” I actually laughed as I said it. “You hate what I am.”
“No, Joe, God loves everyone.”

“God may love me, you don’t.”
“I love with God’s love.” If my sin was lust, his was lying. I’d heard enough hate spill out of that

mouth over the years to know how he felt. The churches public position on homosexuality didn’t come
nowhere close to Pete’s opinion about fags. “Joe, he loves you too much to leave you like you are. You
know the Bible, Joe.” Lord, I was about to get scripture thrown at me. Done that for two years during my
service as an Elder on my mission. I could toss the Bible ‘round with most anyone. “Leviticus,” He
intoned, going straight for the gut shot, “‘it is an abomination for a man to lie with a man as with a woman,
and those that do so shall surely be put to death.’”

“‘For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He who has cursed his

father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.’” I shot back. “That’s Leviticus too, you gonna have me
shoot every kid who sasses back his ma?”

Pete shook his head like he expected the comeback and it was beneath him to respond in words. The

church teaches you that, avoid and redirect the conversation to where you want it to go. Be reasonable and
don’t put your own views into it unless you’re testifying about your faith. Keep your tone friendly and
you’ll get converts or bring wayward members back into the fold. He smiled without warmth. “There’s
places that can help, Joe. They’ll work with you, make you understand what’s wrong…”

“No!” I darn near shot out of my chair with that word, hitting the edge of my seat and stopping myself

before I stood. “I know what you’re talking about, Pete, and there’s no way.” It took almost all the will I
had to keep from getting into his face. “I’ve heard from people who’ve been to those places. They don’t
fix nothing. They just make you hate yourself.” I swallowed my anger and fear at the thought of what went
on in sessions like that. “I may not be all easy with me, but it’s me and I don’t hate Joe Peterson. I’m not
about to let you take me down that road. I’ve seen that damage.”

He smiled again. Each one of Pete’s smiles was like a gut blow, cutting and hard. “But, Joe, if there

was a chance to cure you…”

“Nothing anyone can say or do will ‘cure me’ of this.” I grabbed my head with both hands, lacing my

fingers over the top of my skull. If’n I hadn’t done that, I might have used Pete’s neck for outlet to all the
pent up frustration, anger and worry that’d been building since my talk with Myron in his office. I
promised myself that I would not lose control. At least not while anyone was nearby to witness. I sucked
in a huge breath and then blew it out. “Okay, I ain’t supposed to be having sex outside of marriage…I get
that. Masturbation is a sin.” I challenged him with my stare. “Don’t mean that both those don’t happen all
the time. Our sinful nature says we do what feels good. Our righteous minds say we act on it or not. But
that assumes a woman would ever get me hot. I could have shacked up with some gal. And then you’d be
all over me and she’d be all over me, heck the whole Ward’d be all over me for not giving her kids.
Doing my husbandly duties.”

“Let’s pray about this.” The man slid to his knees and held out his hand. “I’ll help you pray until we

understand it.”

“Pete, I done prayed myself blue. Years of it. It ain’t changed nothing about me. And I did come to

understand. I understand this is what I am. And I’ve always been this way. Since I can remember.” I’d
held it bottled for so long. Now the cork had been popped and everything came spilling out. Couldn’t
have stopped it if I tried. Don’t know why, since I sure didn’t want absolution from him. “And there was a
time, Lord, where I hated myself and what I wanted. But, know what, God put me on this earth like this.”

Pete looked like he watched me die. “That’s the Devil talking in you, Joe.” To his way of thinking,

that’s likely what was happening.

“No,” I let go my grip. No need to crush my own hard head when it was someone else’s that deserved

it. “It’s Joe talking.” For a moment I thought I might cry. The feeling rushed up and overwhelmed me. Only
the sheer mule streak in my blood kept me from it. I did not want to go down crying in front of Pete
Sampris. I stamped it down, buried it. I knew it would come back later, hopefully I’d be alone by then.

When I got myself back under control, I glared at him, daring him to comment on my moment of weakness.
Even Pete didn’t have the stones for that.

“You know how we always talk about an epiphany.” My words came out all rushed. “How if God

wants something to be, and you follow what he says then it all goes right, everything in your life, the Holy
Ghost confirms what you knew in your heart. Your paths just open up. Guess what, when I fought it, my
whole life was upside down. I couldn’t stand myself and nothing went right. I was sick all the time. I had
no job. I accepted me, who I am, and the world went right. All the cards fell into place and I knew, I
understood, this is what I am.”

“That’s the Devil misleading you.”
“Well if exactly what’s ‘sposed to be happening when God’s working is happening when the Devil’s

working, how the heck does anyone tell?” My laugh was all filled with bitter. “And what ever happened
to ‘judge not lest ye be judged?’”

With a grunt, Pete hauled himself off his knees. He stood, staring down at me, his hands clasped in

front of him. “God doesn’t hate homosexuals, Joe, we all know that. But it’s the giving in to it, the sex
outside of marriage that’s an abomination, a sin against nature.”

“I cain’t believe that God would condemn anyone like that, Pete. I just don’t think God would do

that.” Even standing above me in a position of power, Pete seemed weak and shallow. “Everything I ever
been taught says he wouldn’t. We don’t love a God who puts people in a position where they never can
love.”

“Corinthians Six, ‘know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not

deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with
mankind…’” More scripture, the last resort of the faithful. “Joe, don’t delude yourself. It’s okay as long
as you don’t act on it.”

Yeah, that’s what they claim…we’ll accept you so long as you don’t go out and get laid. Sucker you

into a good ol’ feeling of acceptance and then kick you harder and harder in the balls as they try and wean
you off of your desires. I believed that as much as I believed I could convince a dog to turn into a cat. “I
cain’t not act on it. Not now.” I closed my eyes. Kabe floated there his dark hair all mussed by the wind,
with a smile that washed away all my fear and his green eyes brighter than the sky behind him. Without
opening my eyes, I whispered, “Naomi cleaved to Ruth and like David from the Old Testament, I’ve
found grace in someone’s eyes. And like David, those eyes happen to be on a guy.” I don’t know that it
was love, don’t think I was ready to call it anywhere near that, but Kabe’s eyes held salvation in their
acceptance of me.

Then I looked at Pete, what I saw was a tired and hateful man. “You come to me three, four months

ago, knowing it, and I might have said you’re right. God meant me to not love anyone. Be a rock. Don’t be
touched by no one. But now I’ve been touched, in here.” I tapped my chest. “‘There is no fear in love, but
love casteth out fear.’”

“So you’re not afraid?” He sneered. “It’s the Devil’s bravado, Joe.”
“Naw,” I snorted, “I’m terrified.” Lord knows I was.
“Then it can’t be love that you feel.” His voice cajoled. It was scary how Pete could turn it on and off

in a heartbeat. “Lust is overwhelming you. We’ll get you help. You’ll see.”

“Know what, I’m terrified of people like you. People who judge me, who think I’m a monster or I’m

sick. People who hate what I am. ‘Cause I’m hearing the words, Pete, I just don’t think you believe in
them.” I stood and stuck my hands in my back pockets. Offering up a bit of a shrug, I knew he wouldn’t
understand, but I told him anyway. “Places like you’re talking about, they drive people to suicide. The one
thing I’m not terrified of is holding him.”

“Joe, you can’t turn your back on the church. Jesus sacrificed himself for you. Abstinence is such a

small sacrifice for someone who gave everything for you.”

“Pete, I’m done talking.” I jerked my head toward the door. The man could find his own way out.

“You’ve said your piece. Go home.”

He didn’t budge. “I can’t leave you like this, Joe.”
“I’m telling you to get.” Pushing my point with my body, I stepped in.
“Joe, you keep on this path and it’ll be the end, a bad one.” A thousand threats wove under that simple

statement.

One of those I knew what it was. Excommunication—try me, strike my name off the rolls and tell all

other members to shun me, even my folks. “I ain’t gonna appear.”

“What?”
“You hold a Bishops’ Court, I ain’t gonna appear. I’ll save you the trouble, just excommunicate me by

proxy. I don’t want my family to go through that, having to listen to all the charges against me.” That’d
likely kill my mom. Not that this wouldn’t anyway. If the church threw me out, they’d expect my family to
cut me off. That was a hell of a position to put them in. Still, the whys and the hows and the spin they’d
put on what I did, none of my family needed to be put through that. And at this point, the church wouldn’t
accept my resignation from the rolls. Not after tonight. “I ain’t going to suffer being called to testify and
you ain’t got no power ‘cept the scorn of the church to make me. You can’t be fool enough not to realize I
already got that in spades. I ain’t done nothing wrong except that I’m involved with someone of my own
sex.”

“Joe, it’s sex outside of marriage, you know that’s wrong.”
“Well, if you’d ever let me marry a guy, I might not be so pig-headed. And you’d just disfellowship a

gal or guy messing with each other when they weren’t married. Let them earn their way back. I hear you
reinstated Jessie Dane’s Temple Recommend ‘cause she prayed real hard about having kids outside of
marriage. Somehow, I don’t think anyone’ll ever give me that option.” Whoa, I didn’t think I could ever
sound so snide as I did right about then.

“If you do that, there won’t be a place for you at Jesus’ table.”
“You know they served wine at the last supper, right?” I snapped. Pete was wearing on my nerves. I

had a shotgun in my bedroom. It might be time to get the damn thing and escort him out.

“That’s uncalled for.” As if he still couldn’t fathom my resistance, Pete sighed. “You’ve been through

Temple Endowment. I don’t believe you could do this!”

“Hey, that’s when the trouble started.” I laughed at him. “Actually it was my mission. You know what

it was like being stuck in a foreign country, living day to day with a cute missionary partner—living,
sleeping, eating with him—for two years? God couldn’t have created a better hell for a nineteenyear-old
gay boy than the church managed.”

“If that’s what you really think,” he spat, “you’re going to rot in this little shack of yours. We’re all

going to watch and say ‘look, that’s what happens when you fall.’”

“Gee, Pete, how Christian of you.” I stalked past him and yanked the front door open. I just stood

there, couldn’t look at him so I studied the clock on the far side of my kitchen. “Get out!” About as much
force as I could put behind it without yelling had me shaking.

Pete turned toward the door and stopped dead. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. His mouth started

working, but nothing was coming out. It took me a moment to figure that he was staring at something. I
craned my head ‘round the door and looked out onto the porch. Kabe stood there, his hands balled into
fists at his side.

God must have been testing me right then. ‘Cause I wanted to murder someone I knew I couldn’t.
“How dare you!” Kabe sputtered. I don’t think I’d ever realized what saying someone was black with

anger meant. I saw it for the first time in Kabe’s face. “How dare you say that shit to him? Joe’s fucking
better than you’ll ever be.”

I guessed he’d heard at least some of it. Darn fool little pissant boy, not doing like I’d asked. Now I

shouted. “Kabe, get in here!” I grabbed his shirt and hauled him through the door. Two shoves moved him
into the room enough that the Bishop could get by. I swung on Pete, “Get gone!” Like the bottle’d been
shaken, everything I’d smashed down in the past day came boiling back up, ready to explode. Pete
must’ve seen the murder in my heart seething up in my eyes. I don’t recall that I’d ever seen that man move
so fast. If’n I weren’t so pissed at that point I might have suffered a laugh at his prissy little run. I’d have
thunk the Devil was nipping his balls by the way he moved.

I stepped to the door and slammed it on Pete’s heels. The whole cabin shook to its foundation. Before

I turned I took two deep breaths, it was enough to back me down that I wouldn’t kill Kabe…least not yet.
Then I spun and bellowed, “What the Sam-hill are you doing here?”

“Oh my fucking God!” Kabe yelled back. “Is that what it means to be a Mormon, an intolerant bigot!”
“No, I’m what it means to be Mormon!” I laced my hands above my head and leaned against the door.

“No matter what he says, anybody says, I have my faith. It runs all through me.” After a second I couldn’t
stand that position. Too much of everything roiled inside me and I couldn’t stay still. I paced to the kitchen
and back again. “You say things like that and it hurts me. It’s my faith, it’s my God, it’s what I am.”

With a glare, Kabe flopped into the middle of my couch…pretty much the same spot Pete’d been in.

“How can you believe in such intolerant shit?”

Two men on my couch in one night and both judging me. “You crossed the line.” Pete I’d take it from,

‘cause I just didn’t care about him. It hit me hard that I cared about what Kabe thought.

“I crossed the line?” He seemed to choke on the words. “What line?”
“Don’t you dare disrespect my belief like that!” I stalked over and stood above him. There he was all

lean and dark and pissed off staring up at me with those big hazel eyes. “There are maybe people who
don’t understand what love thy neighbor is all about and not casting stones, but just ‘cause some apples
are bad, you don’t uproot the whole tree.”

“But he’s telling you you’re sick and perverted.” Kabe rolled his ankle, shifted a bit, so that his legs

were splayed on either side of mine. Rubbing his knee against my calf…that little bit of contact shot frost
up the back of my legs. I barely heard him say, “How can you swallow that bullshit?”

“I don’t have to. I know it ain’t true, in here.” I sat down on my coffee table, my knees between his

and leaned in. My voice got all low, like a snake’s warning rattle. “I told you to go home. Somehow, I
don’t think this is your home.” Elbows resting on my knees, I dropped my face into my hands. My whole
body still jangled. All this adrenaline pumped me and I didn’t have nowhere for it to go.

Kabe tapped my knee with his. “What are you doing?”
I didn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at him, ‘cause I wasn’t sure what I’d end up doing if I did. “Trying

to decide what to do ‘bout you.”

“Do about me?”
“Yeah, I’m guessing you ditched your ride back to T’s.”
“Well, yeah, told the sheriff to drop me at the end of your drive.” He sounded smug, like he’d won

some contest nobody told me we were having. “Told him Carlos was already in Panguitch, pretended to
call him on my cell phone. Your boss let me off and I walked back up just in time.”

Now I looked up, straight at him. “Why didn’t you do what I asked you to?” Lord, I was mad. I don’t

think I’d ever been that angered by someone. My righteous rage should have been directed at Pete. Came
all out at Kabe instead. Maybe ‘cause I really didn’t care if Pete rotted in hell.

“Leave you to suffer that shit all by yourself?” Kabe said it like he thought I was nuts. “I could see

where it was heading…I’d have to be blind not to.”

I said it real slow so he’d understand. “But I asked you to go.”
Slumping into the couch, Kabe crossed his arms over his chest and scoffed, “You didn’t fucking mean

that.”

“Maybe I did.” First I got him disrespecting me by sticking ‘round and now he’s telling me I don’t

know what my own mind is. The bottled up anger, shame, hate, all of it, came hissing out in my tone. “You
ever think that maybe I didn’t want anybody to see me like this! That I might want to keep that little bit of
my pride?” Challenging his little pat assumptions with my glare, I growled, “Did it even cross your mind
to respect my wishes or are you just dead set on ignoring everyone? That’s how you got into your
problem. Just doing what you darn well please, never mind the consequences or what your family might
feel!” I slammed my fist on the table top. I wanted to hit something…not necessarily him. “Why did you
disrespect me like that!”

The blow, even if it hadn’t touched him, rocked Kabe back. “Disrespect you?” His eyes went wide.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I told you to leave.”
“It’s not disrespecting you.” Kabe swallowed and stuttered out, “I wanted to be there with you to help

you.”

I latched onto his knees and leaned in close to his face. “You think that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t

want anyone else to see it?”

“Joe…”
I wasn’t in no mood to hear excuses or nothing. “Don’t.” I snapped. “Tell me what you heard.”
Shaking his head, like there was nothing to hide, he minimized, “It’s not important.”
“It is.” I talked with the voice of the cop inside me. That voice was low and hard and didn’t take no

guff. “Tell me what you heard.”

“He’s wrong, Joe.”
“You cain’t answer a simple question? I want to know. You need to tell me.” My face got all tight. I

didn’t like playing games, not with Kabe or no one else. “Do I need to whoop your hide?” Whooping his
hide seemed like a darn fine plan right about then.

He sneered. “You wouldn’t.” Just under the tone lurked a little fear and it tasted nice.
“Watch me.” I don’t know why, but I wanted to push him. “I don’t take guff from nobody.”
Kabe pointed beyond my shoulder off to where Pete’d run off. “You took it from him, that guy.”
“That’s different.”
“Why is it different?” With his foot Kabe pushed my calf, back and away. He struggled to climb off

the couch. Made him crawl over my leg to do it, ‘cause I wasn’t about to budge. He hit his feet vibrating
enough so that I could see the shake in his hand. “Because I’m just some city idiot?” He spat the words
with enough nails to frame a barn. “A kid who gives good head? I guess it doesn’t matter what I do.”

I got my own feet under me and stood. “No. That ain’t it.”
“That is it.” All righteous and pissed off…something about that side of Kabe worked heat in my

joints. “That’s one hundred percent it!” He kept on, his voice getting louder with each word. “I just don’t
fucking matter to you. You’ll just fucking ignore me no matter what!”

“He don’t matter.” Stepping in, I hissed, “He ain’t worth it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Kabe pushed me back with the flat of his hands and there

weren’t no give there. “He ain’t fucking worth what?”

“Think with that damn fool head of yours?” My voice boomed through my little cabin. “Pete ain’t

worth it to me!”

Kabe’s yell matched mine. “Worth what?”
“Getting riled up over!”
“Well you’re riled up now!” He laughed in my face. Boy was done for. “Save it all up to take it out on

me?” Never heard no one quite that snide, ‘cepting maybe me. “I’m just an easy target, huh? Don’t live
around here. I’m just a stupid con, an idiot who let you fuck me…”

“Shut up!”
He kept at it. “A convenient hole to stick your dick in. Throw me on my stomach, fuck my ass, and

we’re done. I’m fucking nothing after all.”

“Shut up!”
“Little Kabe.” Wiggling his ass, throwing his shoulders ‘round like one of those pretty sissy boys in

Vegas. “Around for the pretty face and nice dick. Nobody gives a shit about me anyway. Why should you
be any different? A convenient fast fuck, no strings attached.”

“I said, shut up!”
“What the fuck is your deal? I came back here to support you and you fucking come down on me? I

don’t fucking believe you.”

I’d had it up to my chin with his attitude and his cursing. Something snapped, deep down inside.

“That’s it!” I growled. Reaching out, I grabbed the front of his T-shirt, twisted my fist all in it and used it
to haul him ‘round.

Kabe latched onto my arm with both his hands, tried to pry me off. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m sick of your trash mouth.” I headed toward the kitchen…more rightly the little room next to the

kitchen. What I planned, heck I didn’t right know, but it had a lot to do with soap and his mouth. “I don’t
need to hear none of that.” The more he struggled, the tighter my grip got. We was in a battle of wills and I
sure as shooting wasn’t about to lose. “I heard enough to fill my ears plenty today. I don’t need you going
on with that filthy language on top of it all.”

“Fucking stop it!” He tried to dig in his heels. All it did was scrape his boots across the floor.

“Fucking let go, Joe!” He kicked my leg and I stumbled. With the grip and his weight shifted against mine
and all the twisting, we went down. He done landed on top of me.

Kabe tried to crawl off. I sat up and latched hold of his jeans. There weren’t much holding that

expensive denim on his hips. As Kabe scrambled, they came right on down. That flat back melted into
real firm packed cheeks, the little V crease where the crack of his ass started.

My hand ached with a powerful feeling I ain’t never had before. I didn’t even know right what I was

doing. I hauled back my arm, brought it down and whacked him solid across his butt. Stung my palm,
that’s how hard, the shock traveling right up to my shoulder.

Kabe jerked like I’d shot him. “Fuck!”
That bare, brown ass right across my knees and bright red where I’d smacked him; all the fight in me

took one look at his butt and raced right down into my prick. Lust had never burnt in me that strong. I
didn’t quite understand it. I sure didn’t know why, but I wanted to see that again…something fierce.

Trying to wriggle off and out of my grip, Kabe almost got away. Nope. No-how. Not happening, not

now. I struggled up on one knee, my butt resting on the heel of my left boot. Managed to drag Kabe over
my right leg, wrapped my left arm up under his pits and held him tight. His hands clawed my back, butt
and where he could get to on my leg. I hauled off and swatted him again, a little south of where I’d landed
the first blow. If it stung my hand that bad, I could imagine what it did to his ass. I managed to get even
harder off that thought.

The more he fought me the harder I smacked his ass, till it wasn’t nothing but a cherry red expanse of

heat. Somewhere in all of it, Kabe’s curses faded into hungry moans. Fuck stopped being a curse and
turned into a plea. My eyes locked on his backside. Shirt pulled up, all nekkid and his jeans wadded about
his knees. I don’t think I’d ever witnessed a sight so perfect. He still moved. But instead of trying to get
away he humped into my thigh. That boy was harder than a freeze in January. My leg was all wet from his
dripping dick. ‘Course my crotch didn’t fare much better. I leaked like a sprung hose.

I had to do him.
I had to fuck him and how.
Letting him go, shoving him off my knee onto the floor, I grabbed one ankle and yanked off his boot.

The other gave me a bit of fit, but then it popped off. I heard a bang and a crash behind me. Heck with it,
I’d figure what broke later. Then I tugged at his jeans. Kabe writhed on the floor, his prick red and

weeping, pushing his pants down as much as I pulled ‘em off. As they slipped off his legs, a bunch of little
plastic pouches rattled to the floor.

Something just ain’t right about thanking the Lord for sending you an opportunistic pretty boy who

carried a string of condoms and single use packets of lube in his pocket. Still, I did it. I unbuckled my belt
and unbuttoned my jeans. The urge on me was stronger than I’d ever felt before. My dick felt like it was
on fire. Like he hardly dared move, Kabe watched me with big needy eyes. Took me all of a couple
seconds to get out, sheathed and lubed up.

I grabbed Kabe’s ankles, brought ‘em up and spread him wide open. His prick had darn near gone

purple at the head. It throbbed all hard against his belly, leaking shine all over. And those dark, furry balls
sucked up as tight as walnuts. The trail of dark fur swept down his ‘taint, leading my eyes right to his
puckered hole. A little bit of red, where my hands had caught the inside of his thighs, looked so pretty.

Slow, savoring every inch, I pushed inside his tight ass. Kabe groaned, trying to find some purchase to

push back. The way I had him strung up—legs in the air, ass lifted off the ground— weren’t no place for
him to get a grip. He reached back above him and latched onto one of the table legs. He tried to arch his
back and didn’t do more than twist himself harder on my dick.

When I made it all the way in, I stopped for a bit. There ain’t nothing in the world like being

surrounded by all that tight heat. It swept over me, filling me up to my soul with fire. I breathed it, like I
breathed his smell. Sweat dampened his pits and beaded on his face. It mixed with the musty cologne from
his balls and his prick. Somewhere over it laced the smell of girls at the pool in summer… Holy hell, the
lube smelled like coconut. I’d have to give him grief later.

“Stroke yourself, boy.” I ordered in a voice I ain’t never heard out of my mouth before. I’d have

quaked in my boots from it. Kabe just got all trembley, like a horse dancing for the start of a race. I pulled
back, the loss of him overwhelming me. As I shoved back in, Kabe reached down and wrapped his fist
around his prick. He turned his face to the side. His mouth fell open and his eyes kinda fluttered like they
couldn’t decide whether to stay open or closed. Few things I’d ever seen looked so pretty.

Hard, insistent, but slow as molasses in winter, I plowed his ass. I don’t know how long I kept us like

that. I’d tell him to speed up or slow down, just ‘cause I could and he’d do it. His hole grabbed me so
tight. The sound of his panting, both of us moaning and my balls slapping his ass rang in my ears. Lord I
could taste Kabe on my tongue, his scent was so powerful. My whole body froze over, my senses unable
to cope with all the sensations. Finally, I reduced myself to a jumbled mass of nerves.

I leaned over, sliding his ankles up on my shoulders and planted my hands on either side of his chest.

“If you done anything right in your life, you cum now.” I ordered.

Kabe started breathing out, “Fuck!” His hand flew over his dick, pumping like he’d die if he slowed.

Then everything jerked. His ass got so tight, the squeeze was almost painful. I kept plowing through it.
Smelled his spunk as it shot out of his prick. Spattered me on my belly…caught him right up on his chin.
Two more thrusts and I groaned long and hard. Every inch of my soul collapsed into him. Rolling waves
took me under and I lost my sense of self for a bit.

For a time I couldn’t trust myself to move. I just held myself up with locked elbows and shook. When

he reached up to brush the sweat outta my eyes, I panted out his name. “I never. Oh, Lord, Kabe. You gotta
stay. Not go.” Heck, my thoughts were so mixed up I didn’t even know what I was thinking or asking or
what.

“Okay,” Kabe still trembled some. I guess I did, too. Slowly I eased myself onto the floor. Lord, but

the wood was cold. I hissed when my bare thigh touched it.

There I was, lying on my back and staring at the ceiling. My jeans gaped open and bunched under my

thighs. Still wrapped in the condom, cum leaking from the base, my dick wouldn’t come down from half
hard. Nekkid Kabe, wearing nothing but his socks and rucked up shirt, pressed all against me, worshiped
every muscle he could get to with his hands and his hot tongue. I couldn’t move. Never been hit by

anything that powerful.

Overwhelmed.
Lost.
Falling.
My chest heaved. I shook. I pulled Kabe hard against me, turned my face into his chest. My eyes

burned, my chest seized and I bawled like a baby.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“Come on, Joe.” Something, someone, plucked at my arm. I groaned and pulled the pillow over my

head. Maybe if I ignored them, whoever it was would go away. With all that happened just yesterday—
getting suspended, taking on Pete Sampris and last night’s lay down with Kabe—there weren’t nothing to
get up to. I didn’t think there’d ever be again. Out of the Church. Out of a job. People I thought were my
friends would avoid me. If it all didn’t just kill my mom and dad, it’d be a miracle. Figured those were in
fair short supply. My life rested at the bottom of a slot canyon in a thousand little broken bits.

Instead of letting me be, that worrisome set of fingers yanked the blanket from around my shoulders.

Cold air hit my skin. Couldn’t really be bothered to yank ‘em back up though.

“Get up.” Kabe, the fact that it was his voice finally registered. “Come on.”
Since it was Kabe, I just ordered it. “Go away.”
“You need milk.” He pulled the pillow off and tossed it off somewhere. Getting right up into my face,

he whined, “I need coffee.” Okay, maybe he didn’t whine, but given I didn’t want to haul my ass outta
bed, that’s how I called it. He poked my chest as I rolled over. “That instant shit outta your truck is okay
for up in the hills, and I’ll suffer today. But if I’m going to hang around here, I need my coffee.” Lord
almighty, that boy’d done got one of my shirts outta the closet. “You got to get up.”

He looked mighty fine. And that scared me. “I don’t have a coffee maker.” I growled. No sense in me

having one. I didn’t drink it and never knew anyone I’d have over who did.

“I know.” Kabe smiled. His hair was wet and he smelled like soap. “We got to go buy one.”
Rolling my head, I checked the bedside clock. Darn near eight in morning. I never slept in like that…

early to bed, early to rise, unless I’d been out on shift all night. I palmed my face and grumbled, “That’s
an hour to the super store over in Cedar City. Shops ‘round here, well they might carry it at the general
store, but it’ll cost five times what it should. And I’d just rather stay in bed.” Sitting up with a yawn I
added, “‘Sides, I could just send you over to the gas station. Buy some coffee there.”

“Okay,” Kabe grinned and leaned in. I could live with that look for a month of Sundays. “If you want

everyone to know every time I stay over. I’ll just tell them all, Joe sent me over ‘cause he can’t have a
coffee maker at his place. Fine with me.”

That did it. I might not have cared about much, but I didn’t have the stomach to hear about my sex life

in the town paper. Kabe’s mouth could get me in more trouble than I really wanted to mess with. “I’m
getting up.” I tossed the rest of the covers off. Good Lord, I’d slept nekkid again. That boy was leading me
down the path of sloth and lust. ‘Course you really can’t lead no one who don’t want to follow. My own
damn fault I was here. Nobody to blame but myself. After another yawn, I pushed him off the bed. “Go
down into the kitchen and make a list.”

“A list?”
I did not want to go out. I did not want to get out of bed. I also didn’t want to starve and I hadn’t been

shopping in too long. Swinging my feet off the edge of the bed, I glared. “Shopping list…gas ain’t all that
cheap and I don’t got a paycheck for a while.” I didn’t really even want to think on that. “I need staples.
Rice, dried beans, stuff that may not be fancy but’ll keep me from starving for a bit.” I could buy most
staples in the local shops…and they’d cost six times as much and come with a load of emotional baggage
I weren’t quite ready to deal with. At least at a mega store, two football fields wide, I could avoid
people.

Kabe smiled. “Okay, Joe.” He hissed a bit as he stood up.
It hit me hard: what I’d done and how I’d done it. Not the falling. That’d happened so many times. The

only difference now is I’d done been caught at it. The other stuff…losing control and taking it out on his
butt. He’d done nothing to deserve a whooping like that. Probably done gonna drive him away when he

sat down and thought on in. If’n he could sit down. “Kabe,” I reached up and grabbed his wrist before he
could walk off, “‘bout last night.” Maybe we just needed to put everything off a bit.

“Last night, Joe,” Kabe’s smile went all dreamy and kinda needful. He breathed out, “Fuck, Joe.

Wow.”

I had no idea where that look came from. “Wow?”
“Yeah.”
“I… ah,” I figured I needed to say something, I just wasn’t sure what, “went all, I don’t know…” All I

knew was I’d lost control. There wasn’t no excuse for that. My whole life was about being in control.

Somehow he must have read in my face that I was struggling. Kabe bent down near, “Did you like

what you did?”

Sure wasn’t prepared for that question. I couldn’t right answer for a bit. Finally, I stuttered out, “Other

than the falling apart afterwards. I guess. Don’t think that’s how I am though.” The thoughts formed into
something resembling an apology. “Okay, I don’t normally…”

“Any time you want.”
His words hit me like a two-by-four between the eyes. “What?”
“I liked it.” Kabe licked his lips and half closed his eyes like he remembered something good. “In the

truck, when you tied me up.” A shudder ran all through his body. “Last night, fuck man, it’s never been
that intense. So we’re good, anytime.” Then he got softer, those green eyes staring deep into mine. “And,
you know, the losing it. I think you had kinda a lot of reasons to. But that, too. Need me to just hold you
while it comes out? I’m there.”

I’d never been with no one like him before. “I don’t know what to say, Kabe.” I really didn’t.
He bent down and kissed me, his hand drifting along my arm. “Tell me,” Kabe pulled back and teased

my ear with the fingers from his other hand, “that condoms and lube are staples to go on the list.”

There weren’t nothing much to say to that, so I just swallowed and nodded. All my protests died

‘cause I just couldn’t resist that look. Kabe took off down the stairs and left me to get kitted up. A few
minutes of digging in my drawers and I realized I only had two types of underwear. My Temple type and a
pair of silk jocks I used when I went on into Vegas. One weren’t all that practical. The other I couldn’t
wear no more.

What was all fired stupid is I just stood there, my hand not even quite touching ‘em. I couldn’t pull

‘em out. Couldn’t shut the drawer and walk away. Couldn’t do nothing but stand there and stare at a few
cheap bits of cotton. It almost broke over me then, like it almost had when Pete went off on me, like it got
hold when Kabe and I were done last night. My breath came up all ragged and my face burned. I grabbed
the edge of the dresser and fought with my insides being ripped out.

“Joe?” Kabe’s voice came up from below me. When I didn’t answer right quick, he called again.

“Hey, Joe?”

The geyser passed for the moment. Don’t know if I could keep it locked down forever, but I could

manage for the time being. “Yeah, boy?” Only a little crack in my voice seeped through.

“You know you’ve got like a year’s worth of supplies down here?”
My hands still shaking, I pushed the drawer closed. Have to deal later with that little solid bit of my

faith…or what I wasn’t allowed to call my faith no more. Right now, I just had to keep going. One foot in
front of the other. “Yeah, that’s in case the end times hit.” Or war, floods, any of it, wasn’t right ready to
let the survivalist mentality go. “Don’t count that in what I got. That’s for real emergencies, okay?”

It got real quiet down there, then I heard, “Whatever,” drift from the kitchen.
I opted for nothing under my jeans and figured to put briefs on the list. I wandered down the stairs

shoving my arms into a flannel shirt. Felt odd not putting on the uniform and going to work. Felt real odd
not having two T-shirts under my shirt and leaving my balls to swing in the breeze.

Kabe sorted through my cabinets while I took care of morning business. Then we packed it into my

truck…us, a couple empty propane tanks, and my big cooler for stuff that needed to be iced down. Before
we hit the main road, I swung by the gas station so Kabe could get coffee for the trip. Then we headed
down the mountain toward Cedar City. I tried to pretend that this was just a day off for me. Couldn’t quite
get past the fact that I’d been suspended. No amount of pretending would do it.

Cain’t say I was the best company that morning.
We made town while it was still kinda early. My plan was to get in and out as fast as possible. I

dropped over at the big propane place first and filled up my tanks. Didn’t know how long my suspension
would last. Best to stock up while I had money in the bank. Then we headed over to the big super store.

It just felt all weird and domestic shopping with Kabe. I mean, there we were in a sea of Moms toting

babies and Daddies with their sons and he and I are standing in the small appliance isle choosing a coffee
maker. Almost ran out screaming about that point. As we shopped, we ran into a few people I knew.
Some, some wouldn’t look me in the eye. Few others just said, “hello,” and moved on like the world was
normal. Guess for most people, they didn’t much pay attention to the rumors…truth in this case. Either that
or they didn’t much care one way or t’other. I’d like to think that was the majority.

Kabe shook his head as we walked out with supplies. “I can’t believe I can buy a shotgun at the

sporting goods counter,” he waved back at the entrance, “but the safe sex shit is like hidden in this little
corner.”

“Welcome to Utah.” I dropped the first bag in the bed of my truck. “Go ye forth and multiply. Not

supposed to have anything stand in the way of that.”

Kabe handed over the coffee maker. “I don’t think we’re using it to keep from multiplying.” That got

me snorting.

Perishables—milk, eggs, butter and cheese—I loaded those into the cooler and dumped the bag of ice

on top. Even in summer it’d keep it fresh enough on the drive home. Dried and canned goods didn’t need
any special treatment, I just wanted to make sure nothing too light sat where it’d get blown out. We’d
almost finished the sorting and packing when I heard someone step up. Something about it, the way the
walk sounded or just maybe the hate rolling in waves. I could tell it was Ramon before he opened his
mouth.

“Well, lookit who decided to show his face ‘round here.”
“Ramon,” I took a deep breath and turned. There he was in BLM brown. Bent-billed ball cap perched

on his head. “I don’t need no grief from you.” I sure didn’t need his attitude right then. Lord must’ve been
testing me. The only thing worse could have been a confrontation with the sisters from the Relief Society.
“Just leave me be.”

“Big, bad Deputy Joe.” Ramon rocked back on his heels and smirked. “Oh wait, you’re on suspension.

I think I heard that somewhere about. So I guess it’s just plain ol’ Joe.” He paused, stuck his hands in his
pockets then leered. “Joe who likes to suck other men’s privates.”

I stepped toward him and snapped. “You keep a civil tongue in your head.” I may not have been a

deputy right then, but I still had an obligation to maintain the peace. “There’s women and children here
and they don’t need to listen to your filthy tongue.”

“Ain’t my tongue that’s filthy from what I hear.” Ramon hissed.
A few people had stopped and were staring. I didn’t want them to have no cause to. “We just came to

buy some things and get on our way.” Kabe started to move and I wasn’t sure where or why. I put my hand
on his chest, kinda pushed him back against the truck. Knew full well that I could handle myself with
Ramon, but I didn’t want anyone else in the middle of it.

“I don’t think they carry that safe sex shit,” he sneered it out, his face looking like he’d sucked on a

bushel of lemons, “that’s homosexual shit after all.” Ramon’s voice went all high pitched and he waggled
his hips. “Or is it a bra and panties for that little ex-con you’re treating like a woman?”

Kabe jerked against me. I shot him a glare and mouthed the word parole. That got it through to Kabe

and he backed up some. Didn’t look too happy about it though.

Ramon just kept going. “They got some pretty colors of lip gloss back by the counter. He’d probably

look real sweet in it.” Ramon thought he was right funny by the way he was laughing. “You could share it
with him while you’re being all unnatural.”

“You back off. You already caused me a world of hurt.” Why Ramon was all up and hateful, I didn’t

know. I know why he’d said something, spread the gossip…’cause he’d had it first. Ramon wanted to be
first out the gate and damn the consequences. “I’d think that’d be enough to put in your bank.” But this, this
getting in my face wasn’t his style. Ramon sowed poison behind people’s backs then stood off where he
wouldn’t get hurt to watch.

“My how the mighty have fallen.” He chortled. “Not so big when they take away your badge.”
“What did I ever do to you, Ramon? I always treated you fair. What have you got against me?”
“Besides you’re a filthy homo? Everyone saying how all wonderful you are.” Ramon glared and it

weren’t pretty. “Jessie Dane all over you. Joe Peterson this and Joe Peterson that. Now it’s Joe Peterson
sucks dicks.”

I’d never thought I was in a race for Jessie with Ramon. “If that’s your deal. Guess what. Now you

know, competition’s gone.” I knew he liked her, but as I didn’t, not in that way, I’d never put the two
together, really. Maybe I should have. “I ain’t got no designs on her, she’s a nice gal. Y’all have fun.” I
made to go around him so’s I could get to the driver’s side of the truck.

As I moved, Ramon did too, planted himself right in my path. “You should see how she’s been crying

lately.” He hissed it out. “You know what you did to her?”

I couldn’t be responsible for her fantasies. I’d never tried to lead her on, unless me being the same guy

I was to everybody was leading her on. “Not a darn thing.” I spit it back. Stepped away, toward the other
side this time. “I ain’t never touched her. Never even made like I wanted to.”

“’Course not.” He jumped ‘round again, got in my face. “You’re all after that thing there.”
“Get off it, Ramon.” I barked it out. “I don’t got the hankering to deal with idiots like you.”
Ramon threw the first punch, caught me in the jaw. I staggered back, bumping into Kabe. Then I

stepped in, got him back with a strong right to his nose. Thought I’d just show him I wouldn’t lie down
and take it. Stepped back and grabbed at his wrists as Ramon swung more. I managed to get my hand
around the back of his neck. Pulled Ramon in so his head got stuck under my armpit. He kept going at my
ribs, biting, kicking, punching.

I cocked back and slammed in three, maybe four times. Rapid rabbit punches. Made him jerk each

time. Then he twisted, broke free. Kicked me good and solid as he dropped back.

Ramon charged. I jumped in to meet him, arms open. Catching him across the chest, I took us down to

the pavement. The air slammed out of Ramon with a grunt. I reared up, pulled him sitting by his hair,
smacked his face with my fist. Crack his chin with my knee.

Bout that time it hit me, I was beating the stuffing out of Ramon Peistiwa in a store parking lot. Felt

Kabe’s hands yanking on the back of my shirt before I heard him begging, “Joe, stop, come on.” I pushed
Ramon back. Got up. I wanted to spit on him. Even I, as mad as I was, couldn’t do that. Instead I walked
away.

Heard the wail of sirens as I got into the truck. I might be able to beat it if I ran. Lord knew though,

enough people seen it and a few of them probably knew me. I hugged my chest and shook with the ghosts
of the fight.

“What are you doing?” Kabe hung on the open door and leaned in.
I looked up into the rearview mirror. A few people milled around. “Waiting.” Didn’t see Ramon

nowhere.

“Waiting for what?”
I didn’t right know. Well I knew the simple answer, “The cops.” What the rest of it, what’d happened

once they got here, that I didn’t want to think on.

“Fuck,” Kabe looked worried, like deep soul worried. “Joe, this’ll blow my parole.”
“You didn’t have nothing to do with it, Kabe.” I reached out, bumped his jaw with my fist and tried to

smile. “You were trying to pull me off Ramon. I’ll make sure they know that. I’ll call Sheriff Simple for
you. I won’t let my problems wreck you. I promise.”

“You could just leave.”
“No, Kabe.” I saw them coming up the street a ways. A black and white with the low profile light bar

and Police, Cedar City painted on the side. “They’ll figure it out.” I was a cop and I’d done wrong. Had
to stay and take my lumps. “Can’t outrun shit like this. Sooner or later it catches up with you, so might as
well deal with it head on.”

“Well,” he snorted, “Ramon already left.”
“That’s his problem, not mine.” The unit swung into the lot and headed toward us. “Here they are.” I

slid out of the cab and shut the door. Didn’t want to be near my rifle when they pulled up, there was stupid
like I’d done and just right crazy. “Time to take my lumps.”

Kabe stood right next to me. I could feel him shaking or maybe that was me. “How far do you think

Ramon’ll get?” He asked as the officer in his dark uniform pushed up his aviator glasses and sauntered
over.

I shrugged and stepped away from the truck a bit. “In an SUV with BLM plates, ‘bout a mile, maybe

two.” Sparing a brief smile to offer Kabe a reassurance I didn’t feel, I added, “And everyone around here
knows him, same as they know me. If they don’t get him now, they’ll just go to his house or his office and
catch him there. You can run a long ways and not get any farther away from your problems ‘round here.”
Lordy, wasn’t that the truth.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Kabe caught the door on the third knock. Good thing, ‘cause I didn’t much wanna get out of bed. I’d

crawled in, barely botherin’ to kick off my boots, right after we’d got back to my place. Least the boys in
Cedar City had been nice enough to me. Sped up the booking, citied me and released me on my own
recognizance. Took all of maybe half an hour, but I had to go back in a few days and stand before the
local Justice Court. Maybe I’d up and die before that came ‘round.

Sheriff Simple’s voice drifted up to haunt me. “Joe around?” Guess the day weren’t gonna get much

better.

I rolled over and glared at the ceiling listening to Kabe mumble out, “Yeah.”
Somebody else was down there too…three sets of boots shuffled about on my plank floors. “Hey,

Sugar.” Had to be Nadia and she must’ve been talking to Kabe, since I didn’t figure she’d call Myron
Simple, Sugar. “How y’all doing?” Regular old party I was having and I’d didn’t invite none of ‘em.

“Okay.” He answered. I was already out of bed and hunting for where I shoved my boots when Kabe

called up the stairs, “Joe, the Sheriff and Ranger Slokum are here.”

Stamping into my boots on the way down the stairs, I saw ‘em all. Kabe, well, he was my Kabe, still

in my flannel and his painted on jeans. Ranger Slokum wore full uniform. Sheriff Simple was an elected
official, he didn’t have a real uniform, but he had dressed for hunting, as we said it: sidearm, badge and
black cowboy hat.

“Heard about this morning.” Myron called up to me as I thundered down the steps. “Don’t look like

you came out of it clean.”

“The black eye,” I shrugged, “or the citation for disturbing the peace?”
That got me a snort from Nadia. “Both.” Nobody’d taken a seat yet, I didn’t extend the offer. Figured it

wasn’t much of a social call, what with everyone in their finest. Although why the Sheriff had drug Nadia
along to chew my butt, I couldn’t fathom.

When I hit the ground floor, Myron took off his hat and spun it through his hands. He looked at me,

then Kabe, then back to me. “Why, Joe, did you go and pick a fight with Ramon-Fucking-Piestewa?”

“Joe didn’t pick a fight with him.” Kabe sputtered it out.
My glare shushed the boy. He muttered something none of the rest of us was privy to and stalked over

into the kitchen, flipped a chair around and dropped into it. Guess I wasn’t the only one ‘round here
sulking. I propped my butt on the back of the couch. Not all that contrite, I offered, “Sorta stumbled up on
it I guess.” I was too darn busy feeling sorry for myself to actually be sorry about anything.

“Yeah, well, I got an earful from the chief over in Cedar City a couple hours ago.” Sheriff Simple

settled the hat back on his head. He was being official after all, gave him the right to keep it on indoors.
“Says you were cooperative with them. Ramon pretty much blamed it all on you,” a nasty smile tried to
twist up his mouth, “once they caught him.” Somehow I figured Ramon was in a lot more hot water than
me. “Most of the witnesses though, they say you were trying to walk away when he threw the first punch.
Can’t say, Joe, that this’ll make things much easier for you.” As he shoved his hands in his pockets, he
shook his head. It all seemed like he was sorta sad. “On top of everything else right now, I’ll do what I
can do. Well,” he huffed out, “I didn’t come over here to bust your chops. We’ll save that for later.”

If it weren’t that, what else could it be? I wasn’t so down that it’d killed my curiosity. “So why did

you come?”

“Ranger Slokum and I are on our way over to the canyon.” Nadia, hearing her name, turned from

where she studied the prints on my wall. Other than Jesus on the Mount, the rest were landscapes painted
by my uncle and none of ‘em qualified as high art. “Got our arrest warrant last night. Called the guy on
Circuit and he signed off. But since Gunter’s on the park’s property we had to do a bit of faxing back and

forth to Salt Lake, dot the i’s and cross the t’s and get the Feds’ okay to take him on NPS land.” Now he
smiled. Sheriff Simple’s smile was known to make grown men piss themselves. “You’re on suspension.”
He stated the obvious. “Can’t be there, least not officially.”

“I know.” I appreciated though, him coming by and letting me know that they were gonna pick Gunter

up.

“Thought maybe,” he sniffed and cast a sideways glance at Ranger Slokum, “since it was all your

doing, you might want to just ride along with me.”

“Just to observe.” Nadia smiled. Hers was open and honest and all the scarier for it, ‘cause I sensed

the bobcat tasting blood underneath. “Huh, Sugar?”

First thing in a bit that pricked my interest. I ran my hand across my head and nodded. “I’d like to see

him go down.”

“Okay.” Clapping his hands together, Myron added, “You ride with me.”
Nadia looked over at Kabe. “Coming too, Sugar?”
“If its okay,” he shifted in his chair, “and if Joe wants me to.”
“Might as well.” Kabe ought to have the chance to see what he’d put in motion. “You can keep me out

of trouble.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Myron headed to the door. “Why don’t the boy ride with Ranger Slokum, if

that’s acceptable? I want to talk with Joe a bit.”

“Fine by me.” She fished her keys from off her belt. “Come on, Sugar, you can tell me your life’s story

on the way.”

Kabe looked at me like he needed permission or something. Could be he just didn’t want me to have

to suffer the sheriff on my own. Still, I was big enough I didn’t need protecting from my own boss, “Get.”
I ordered him off. “I’ll be fine. See you in like thirty.” Watched him sulk over to the Ranger’s pickup;
Kabe acted like a puppy who’d been scolded.

I clambered into Sheriff Simple’s car. We pulled out, hit the road right behind the NPS truck. Didn’t

say nothing for a while, as nothing seemed right to say. Finally, I asked it. “So, sir, what’d you need to
talk to me about?”

Simple stared out at the road. Late sun and summer weather, Lord it was beautiful up here. He kinda

glanced at me and offered another one of his scary as all get out smiles. “You done good work on this
one.”

Not much more to do than take the complement. “Thank you, sir.”
“Should be able to use this to keep you on,” his finger tapped the wheel with a lot more agitation than

his voice held. “But you know it ain’t gonna be easy, Joe.”

Easy and I didn’t really have much to say to each other these days. I shrugged and watched the world

go by past the window. “Figured it wouldn’t.”

“Up until this morning, I thought I had it figured out.” He pushed his hat back a bit. “Week off, without

pay, reprimand in your file and drop you a grade in pay.” A good few minutes passed before he blew out
his breath long and hard. “Now I got a whole ‘nother hornets’ nest to sort through. Don’t want you to lose
your POST, but you got to know you might with that fight.”

Lord, if they pulled my Peace Officer Standards and Training certification I couldn’t even work

corrections no more. I swallowed, “I know.”

“It goes good for you that you tried to walk away.” It hit me that this might be the corrective

counseling session that the Sheriff had to put me through. Sounded like it. If that was so, then maybe we
weren’t talking me losing more time. “And you took it just far enough to back Ramon down. And thank
Sweet Jesus neither of you boys was stupid enough to rack a shell…although I hear tell that a few people
thought that’s what Ramon was heading for when they heard the police coming and he ran off.” To be shot
in the back by Ramon Piestewa, that would have been low. I sure didn’t have that much hate for him.

Simple growled out the next question, “What did you do to piss him off like that?”

“He had a thing for a gal. That gal had a thing for me.” Not that I’d known it before Ramon’d come

after me. Still, that’s what he’d said.

“You two was fighting over a girl?” The Sheriff sounded like the White House was about to be

painted chartreuse.

“Didn’t say that, sir.” Stamping down the laugh I didn’t think would be appreciated, I explained to the

best I could figure. “I guess he thought he was defending her honor or something by coming after me, since
I pretty much turned her down.” I stared out the widow some more. The rocks started turning the bright
red giving Red Rock its name. “Just not in so many words.”

“’Cause of that boy?”
“Yep.”
“Well all right then.” He snorted a couple times as he thought it through. We pushed on closer to

Bryce. I wasn’t certain which campground Gunter was at, but the Ranger would know. A few more miles
passed under the wheels before the Sheriff spoke again. “Diamond’s got the cruiser.” I guess we were
finished, at least for now, with my talking to. “She and Jess’ll take him with a couple of the Rangers.”

“Lot of people for one skinny, German guy.”
“Got to transfer him.” Simple spared me a glare and then returned his attention to the road. “Park

Rangers will serve the warrant and then we’ll transfer custody at the edge of NPS territory.”

We pulled through the park gates just behind Nadia’s truck and turned south past the Visitors’ Center,

heading for Sunset Campground. Knew that was it, as there were only two real campgrounds at Bryce…
for North Campground we would have headed the other direction. First to pull in behind us was Diamond
and Jess in the cruiser. They’d been stationed in the big visitor’s parking. We met up with the other
Ranger a little after we turned onto the loop road. Nadia Slokum pulled up next to the NPS patrol car
idling near the campground host station.

I’m sure we made a sight for the tourists to write home about. Four law enforcement vehicles cruising

through, heading for loop C. Ponderosa pine and a little bit of scrub was broken by cleared areas. Tents
peeked through here and there. Not a whole lot of privacy from your neighbor. About halfway ‘round the
loop, Nadia pulled over and so did we. The other cars moved a little farther along. No way for any
vehicle to get by any of us.

Gunter’s tent sat at the back of the space. Both bikes leaned against the metal picnic table. Unless he

was off hiking, he’d be around. All of us, ‘cept for Kabe, got out. I could hear Nadia scolding him to sit
tight. Diamond and Jess got out and stood alongside their car. This was the Rangers’ scene so they would
hang back unless needed. I might have been on suspension, but I wasn’t a civilian, so I just ambled along
after Sheriff Simple, who had the arrest warrant, like I had every right to be there. It didn’t take long to
spot Gunter lounging in one of those foldout camp chairs and reading a book.

As Nadia walked around the little rental car parked in the space, she called out, “Alban Gunter

Warner?”

Seemingly unconcerned, Gunter looked up. “Ja.” His eyes got just a little bigger when he counted the

number of cops heading his way. He scrambled to his feet and dropped the book into the chair. “What is
this?”

Charisma and command presence—Nadia radiated both as she walked up the campsite. “I’m Ranger

Slokum, National Parks Service Law Enforcement. We met up at the Harding Ranch when your wife fell.”
With a jerk of her head, she introduced the other NPS Officer. “This here is Ranger Carbright.” Pointing
to the battered metal table the government installed years back, Nadia instructed, “Please turn around and
put your hands on the picnic table there.” Nadia stood off to the side and back, directing him with her
voice. Ranger Carbright, wary, ready and focused, moved off to the other side a bit, his hand on his
sidearm.

Gunter did not move. “Why?”
“Sir, please do as you’re instructed.” Both Nadia and Carbright advanced. “Alban Gunter Warner,”

her tone was measured, even and commanding, “I have here a warrant to arrest you for the murder of one
Anya Warner in Garfield County, Utah.” Yet again I realized I wouldn’t want to get crossways with
Ranger Slokum.

Gunter bolted.
It didn’t quite kick in that I was on suspension. My feet just moved and I went. Long as I kept him in

sight I didn’t put all that much effort out. Gunter’d likely wind himself on the initial sprint. Pacing myself
well, when he started to fade I’d still have a little gas in the tank. Nadia pounded along near me. Didn’t
say nothing about me not supposed to be there.

I never quite understood people who ran. Maybe in some big city where there’s lots of places to go.

But we were in the back country, the land of hoodoos, thousand foot drops and rattlesnakes. Where the
heck did Gunter think he was going to get off to?

Up and over a berm, then skittering around another camper’s tent, Gunter stayed just a step ahead. I

tore through a thorn bush behind him. My legs in jeans took it a lot better than his in shorts. I could see the
little dots of blood along his calf. I ducked under branches and jumped logs trying to keep him in view.
People scattered as we careened through their campsites.

Nadia and Carbright kept calling after him to surrender. What did I care? We now had a charge of

resisting arrest tacked on to murder. Saved my breath for just keeping him in sight. When Gunter hit the
brush at the very edge of the campground, he lost almost all of his head start. Good shape or no, he wasn’t
used to running over scree and duff.

The land pitched and he stumbled. I poured on a burst and caught him around the middle. Can’t say I

looked like a hot shot, since my own feet went out from under me and we rolled down the hill in a pile of
knees and elbows. I don’t know what the heck Gunter was screaming at me in German. Probably
something about police brutality and he didn’t do nothing.

Wasn’t more than a moment and Nadia was there yanking him off. Woman was a damn sight stronger

than she looked. She, Carbright and I all wrestled the man down. I reached for my cuffs and didn’t find
‘em. That’s about when I remember I shouldn’t really have been in that chase. Carbright didn’t suffer my
problem. He whipped out the cuffs and ricked them down.

Nadia stood. She jerked Gunter to his feet by grabbing his arms and pulling. Carbright took him in

hand, leading him off. Nadia turned to me as we walked back. “Thank you, Deputy.” Smirking, she drew
out my title. “We can take it from here.”

“Glad to be of help.” I half-walked half-climbed back up the rise. Sheriff Simple stood there as I got

to the top, his hat pushed back and his arms crossed over his chest. He shook his head while I walked
toward him. “Didn’t think, sir.” I apologized.

He barked a laugh and waited for Carbright to pass him with Gunter. “Three years under me and

now…now you’re going to be a pain in my side.”

I shrugged. “Didn’t ever figure to be.” Kabe came jogging up about then. His eyes were all big.

“What’s wrong, Kabe?”

“Are you okay?”
The sheriff answered for me. “He’s fine. He’s gonna be a little busy in a bit with some paperwork on

this citizens’ arrest he just pulled.” Simple adjusted his hat. “Come on, boys. Joe’s gonna come on back to
Panguitch with me. We’ll see if Ranger Slokum can arrange a ride back to T’s for you.” When Kabe
opened his mouth to protest, Sheriff Simple shut him down. “Police business. Just got to happen that way.
If you’re going to be around Joe for a while,” I got a sideways glance then he smiled, “you’re just going to
have to learn to live with that.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I pulled into the courthouse lot wishing I’d eaten. ‘Course then that’d just gimme something to throw

up. Since I got there early, I sat in my truck and waited a bit. Doors didn’t open ‘till eight, had five or so
minutes to go. Wasn’t quite the historic two-story red-brick building I was used to over in Panguitch. Lots
of red brick, but all done a square modern way with smoked glass windows and big multicolored rock
wall that told me I was at the Hall of Justice. Not that I was there for the sights, anyhow.

I jumped when someone thumped the side of my truck. Looked over and caught sight of Ranger Slokum

all gussied up in her best uniform. When I popped the door and slid out, I got a low whistle. Since I
couldn’t be in my uniform I’d opted for Sunday-go-to-meeting wear: blue shirt, yellow tie and dark suit
off the rack.

“You clean up nice.” She grinned then looked back at Kabe who yawned and stumbled up next to us.

“Don’t you think, Sugar?”

I’d never seen Kabe in anything but jeans or climbing clothes. Don’t know as I’d call what he wore

dressed up…dark chinos, loafers with no socks, and an unbuttoned red shirt overtop a buttoned up white
one. Both had their sleeves rucked up and showed off a set of forearms so cut with muscle I could have
mapped ‘em. I don’t think I’d ever seen him scream city so big…nor look so darn fine.

“Yeah,” he finished off another massive yawn with the word.
Somehow I managed to mumble out a coherent piece of the conversation, “Whatcha’ll doing here?”
“Didn’t figure you needed to do this all by your lonesome.” Nadia reached over and pulled a bit of

fluff off my lapel. “So I drug lazy-bones here outta bed.”

“I didn’t ask you to come.”
“Hey,” Kabe shrugged, “what are friends for? If I can’t get up early for you…” He let the tease trail

off.

I couldn’t tear my eyes off Kabe. He just smiled, like he knew he’d got me. Lord, what was I in for

if’n a two-bit, citified, pretty boy could gill me on a trotline with just a look?

Nadia bumped my shoulder, “Yes, he’s cute. He knows it. You know it…quit gawking and let’s go.”

She started to walk off. I couldn’t quite look away and Kabe smirked. “Both y’all stop the mutual
admiration society and get your asses in the courthouse.” That whip-crack voice stung my pride. I
slammed my truck door shut as Kabe sauntered on past me. Least it gave me an excuse to watch his butt
move in those chinos.

We made our way past security and found the right courtroom. Pretty much courtrooms looked like

courtrooms once you were inside. Two tables for defense and prosecution, witness box and prosecutors’
table on the same side as the jury sat, and all of it covered in cheap wood paneling. They never ever
seemed to have enough light in these places. A bunch of people with the same arraignment date as me sat
behind the bar, the wooden rail that separated the legal minds from the Hoi-Polloi. Felt real odd sitting
where I was instead of up in the jury box where law enforcement usually hung out.

They swore us in—witnesses, defendants, anyone who wanted to speak—all together. Got to watch

the little video on all my rights and how I could plead. Seen it all before, although this was the first time
I’d ever been on this side of the action. Nadia shot me one of those stern looks when I signed off on the
constitutional waiver form without even reading it. Not like I didn’t know what the darn thing said.

Noticed Ramon over on one side confabing with some hack attorney he’d come up with. Couldn’t

remember the guy’s name, but I’d seen him before on some of my cases. Always looked like he’d slept in
his suit; that stuck with me. Beyond that I really didn’t remember him at all.

Up front, the City Attorney sat with her case files. Flipping though them, likely her first time seeing

any of the matters was this morning, she made a few notes here and there. Judge came in and we all rose

when told to. Then he sat up at the bench all in his black robes and introduced himself as the Honorable
Caleb Creek. The clerk had her computer right down below him. She pushed the TV off to the side, told
us to sit as she sidled in to her space and began calling cases. The general round of folks disputing all
manner of petty crimes cycled ‘round. The judge took pleas and set trials with bemused efficiency. Every
so often he’d haul off on a defendant who needed some stern words or pause to joke with an attorney
who’d come up.

He got to my and Ramon’s cases, guess they’d been designated as related, about midway through and

took a quick glance at the files. “If you have no objection,” Judge Creek included us and the City’s
Attorney in his glance around, “I’ll push this matter to the end of the calendar.” Since nobody did, that
meant we got to wait a bit more. I tried not to fall asleep listening to people’s excuses on why they
shouldn’t be treated the same as everyone else. Finished everyone up ‘cept us, and then had the clerk call
a recess. Kabe groaned and shifted and I kicked him in the shin to mind himself. Since I was wearing my
good cowboy boots, probably actually hurt equal to his reaction. Luckily, the judge was off the bench by
then.

By the time the judge came back, I’d kinda reasoned out his thinking. The only souls left in the

courtroom were us— Ramon’s people and mine—the city attorney and the courtroom staff. If I had to, I’d
guess they’d marked us as law enforcement in his files. A little bit of courtesy; this way no one who didn’t
already know got to hear our problems in public.

The clerk called the cases and told us all to come up. Justice courts ran pretty informal. ‘Course that

was their purpose— resolution without all the pomp and circumstance you’d get higher up. Still, it was a
court and I knew to take it serious. The lady City Attorney announced that she was Anna Prestwell for the
record, although we’d heard her name twenty times that morning. Ramon’s attorney, Gerald Higgens,
introduced himself and Ramon. I had to tell them who I was all on my own. Then Prestwell began to read
the charges into the record: day, date, time. She started in on that we’d, “willfully and maliciously
disturbed the peace by challenging to fight and fighting…”

Ramon busted in on her, “Wouldn’t have been no fight if I wasn’t provoked into it by how Joe

Peterson acted!”

Not even thinking where he was, Kabe sputtered, “That’s bullshit!” as Higgens shut Ramon down.
“Kabe,” I barked so hard I heard seven necks cracking as everyone whipped their attention ‘round to

me, “watch your mouth!”

“First you, young man,” The judge pulled his specs down a bit and glared over the rims, “you will

keep a civil tongue while you’re in my courtroom. Do I make myself clear?” Kabe swallowed and
nodded. If I couldn’t penetrate that thick space between his ears, hopefully the judge’s words did. “And
you,” he glared at Ramon, “will not incite things in my courtroom. I agree with the sentiment, if not the
vehemence and word choice, of that young man. Everyone,” he glared ‘round, “is on notice to behave in a
civil manner.” After taking a deep breath and settling back his glasses, Judge Creek started again, “Well,
since we all seem to be acquainted here, why don’t we go around the room and y’all can tell me who’s
come to my party? I’ll start with you,” he pointed one long finger at Kabe, “what’s your name, son?”

“Yes, sir.” Kabe seemed to remember where he was. He took his hands out of his pockets and

everything. “Kabe Varghese.”

“So what do you have to do with all this?”
“I was with Joe, when that guy there,” he kinda leaned back and indicated Ramon with a jerk of his

head, “threw a punch at him.”

“Okay Mr. Varghese, you are a witness then?” Judge Creek made a note. “And, by how you two

interact, I take it you are a friend of Deputy Peterson?”

Ramon sneered, “That’s one way to put it.” There was enough twist in his voice to kink up a

rattlesnake.

Before his attorney could shush him again, Judge Creek spoke up. “By your tone, Agent Piestiewa, I

take it you have an opinion on the matter. Well, this is my courtroom and I am, aside from this sweet
young lady sitting at that computer there, the only one allowed to have opinions within this room. So I will
ask Mr. Varghese again, you are Deputy Peterson’s friend and you were a witness at the time of the
altercation.”

“Yeah.”
Irritation flashed across the Judge’s stern face. “Yeah and Uh-uh don’t do it for these tired old ears. Is

that a yes?”

“Yes.”
“So we have a friend who is also a witness, a Garfield County Deputy and a Bureau of Land

Management Enforcement Agent who were involved in an altercation, so they get to wear the hat of
defendants as well.” He tapped his file a few times then looked to Ranger Slokum. “And then we have
this lovely young woman in the uniform of the National Parks Service and I’m waiting to find out why.”

“Nadia Slokum, Senior Law Enforcement Ranger assigned to Bryce Canyon,” she gave the best

southern smile I’d ever seen as she drawled out, “friend and character witness, I guess.”

Judge Creek thought on that a moment. He sucked in his lips like he tasted something sour then asked,

“Mr. Varghese, you don’t have anything to do with law enforcement do you?”

With a snort, Ramon blurted. “Only from the behind the bars part of it.” I could hear his attorney huff

like all the air’d been kicked out of him.

The court went real silent for a while. “I told you already once about keeping your opinions to

yourself.” When the judge swung his full bore attention to Higgens, you could tell Ramon’s attorney
wished he were someplace that was not where he was. “Counselor, you might want to inform your client
that another outburst like that and he’s probably gonna need someone to bring him a toothbrush.” That
glare coulda wilted me. Higgens didn’t say nothing, ‘cause obviously Judge Creek explained it well
enough. “Now, since he brought it up.”

That dower scowl got turned on my Kabe. “Felony or misdemeanor record?”
Kabe shifted and hemmed until I added my frown as well, “Federal, felony.” He blurted it out and

dropped his gaze to his feet.

“What for?”
“The charges?” Staring at the ceiling, now, like the answer was up in the light fixtures, Kabe all but

mumbled, “Possession of a controlled substance on Federal property. Defacing government property.”

“Selling drugs and what’d you do, put panties on a statue of Brigham Young?”
“I wasn’t selling,” a little color crept up through his neck and lodged behind his ears, “they didn’t go

for intent to distribute, I just got caught holding for someone else, although I knew I was holding and we
were doing a free solo on a federally owned dam at the time.”

Judge Creek chewed on that a bit then looked straight at me. “Does he always talk in circles like

that?”

“Pretty much.” I shrugged.
“Deputy Peterson, do you know what that means in English?” He sounded perplexed and somewhat

amused. “I got the drugs part but free what?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Mountains and ropes ain’t good enough for him, sir.” My Kabe, the

adrenaline junkie. “He had to go trespass and climb a man-made structure with just his fingers and toes to
hold on with. In search and rescue, we call it ‘you fall, you die’ style climbing.”

“Impressive and stupid.” The judge shook his head. “I was going to say that hopefully being friends

with one of Garfield County’s finest might rub off on him. But you’re here as a defendant, not Mr.
Varghese.” Drawing in a large lungful of air, Judge Creek picked up his files and then dropped ‘em back
on the bench. They hit with a smack…as good as a gavel for calling attention. “So back to where we

were, would the esteemed prosecutor want to explain to me why I have arraignment slips for two law
enforcement personnel for disturbing the peace? I’m assuming we expedited it all as a professional
courtesy?”

“Yes, your honor, that would be correct.” She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and flipped open

the files. “As per citation in the record, defendant Joseph Price Peterson and defendant Ramon Piestiewa
were witnessed having an altercation in a parking lot off Province Center Drive. Officers were called and
when they arrive they found Defendant Peterson still at the scene.” Her fingers danced back and forth
between the two files to get all the information. “Defendant Piestiewa had fled. Defendant Peterson bore
evidence of the fight and admitted to officers that there had been an altercation. Defendant Piestiewa was
located subsequently. Both defendants declined to press assault charges against the other. Both were cited
for disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.”

“Those are the charges, gentlemen.” Judge Creek leaned back in his chair and looked over at Higgens.

“Counselor, how does your client plead?”

“Not guilty, your honor.” The man sounded as bored as he looked.
“So noted. Clerk’ll get you a date in just a moment.” Now the judge’s attention came to me. “Joseph

Peterson, do you wish to enter a plea?”

“Yes, sir.”
Leaning forward, Judge Creek rested his elbows on the bench and his chin on his fists. “Are you sure

you don’t want me to put this off until you can get a lawyer?”

“No, sir.” I didn’t think I needed a lawyer much. What could they do? I’d done it. “I seen enough of it

to know how it goes. I just need to get it over and done.” Time to get my sentence and move on to
whatever might happen next.

“Well, you know the pleas.” He nodded at me as Ramon’s attorney started packing up his file. Their

part was done. “What are you opting for?”

Ramon bumped me as he moved by. I knew he meant to do it, but I wasn’t about to rise to his fight

again. He got me once

and that was all he’d get. I stepped to the side and said strong and clear, “No contest.”
“Not pleading guilty but declining to dispute the charges,” Judge Creek stared hard at me, “is that

what you’re doing?”

“Yes, sir.”
“Yeah, ‘cause he knows he’s guilty as sin.” Ramon sneered from somewhere behind me. “He and that

little convict of his.” I didn’t let on that I heard it and I hooked my finger in Kabe’s pocket and yanked,
adding a little growl to let him know he shouldn’t neither. Kabe swallowed the spite I could see trying to
break free of his mouth. When I knew Kabe wouldn’t open his yaw I let him go.

Real slow, the Judge wrote down my plea and said, “I’m going to ignore that for the moment.” When

he looked up, it was straight at me, like if we all pretended Ramon wasn’t there we might get through it.
“You want sentencing now? I take it this has a lot to do with your POST certification?”

“Yes, sir,” I nodded, “I’d like to get it resolved, so my department can make their decision.”
Judge Creek used his pen to point at Kabe and Nadia. “And that is why you have witnesses?”
“Well, sir,” I sorta half-smiled, “didn’t ask ‘em to be here, but here they are.”
“You go somewhere with that little girly boy not tied to your hip? I thought you’d all but done moved

in together.” Ramon’s voice crawled up my spine and clouded my vision with blood…his.

Before I’d thought it through, I spun and growled out, “You shut your yap and go home Ramon. You

got us into it in the first place and I don’t need to hear none of your nastiness no more.”

“My nastiness.” He leaned in over the wooden rail and darn near spit, “I ain’t the one having an

unnatural relationship with him. You’re just sick. Jessie’s a damn sight better off without you and thinking
like she loves you.”

Kabe was right up behind me. “Yeah, well Joe’s better than you’ll ever be!”
“Well and you would know.” Ramon ignored his attorney trying pull him back and away. Slapped the

guys arm away and gave out more spite, “Down on your knees for him. Does he make you dress up like a
girl when you do it?”

“Ramon you back off!” One hand went up as though to push him back, although he weren’t nowhere

near me. The other I set into Kabe’s chest and tried to move him away. “Kabe, shut up.” I turned away
from Ramon. Didn’t want to give him my back, but I had to. I just stared into Kabe’s eyes. “Don’t you say
nothing more or they’ll have good reason to lock me up, you understand?” I figured we had about two
more seconds before the room filled with bailiffs.

“There are days when I miss not seeing daytime drama.” Judge Creek drawled from the bench, his

hand poised over the phone. Okay, maybe we had one second before he pushed the panic button. As
everyone relaxed, just a hair, he moved his hand away. “And then I get cases like this. Let me ask you
something, Deputy. Are you,” the judge waggled his finger back and forth between Kabe and I, “and he…
well, I don’t know even how to call it.”

This was a court and beyond just the oath I’d taken that morning I had a sworn duty not to ever lie to a

judge. A lump the size of the Rockies tried to go down my throat. “Yes, sir.”

Judge Creek kept his voice real low. “And were you dating some gal named Jessie that he,” now he

pointed at Ramon, “was also dating.”

“I ain’t never dated Jessie.” It came out so soft, I’m not sure I heard it.
Judge must’ve since his next question hit me hard, “’Cause of him?”
I looked at Kabe. I ain’t never seen that boy look so sorry. I felt Nadia’s hand light on my arm. “Not

quite right,” Lord, I did not want to be discussing this, not here, not ever, “but good enough for
government work.” At least I had two people to prop me up so I wouldn’t fall down.

“Okay.” Judge Creek blew the word out like it sorta settled something with him. “And I’m not going to

ask you,” he glared at Ramon, “‘cause you’re lawyered up.” The judge asked it of me instead, “Did he
like this Jessie?”

“From what I understand.”
Dropping his fist on the bench and making us all jump back a little, he barked at Ramon. “And why

aren’t you just happy as hell that he’s run off with some guy and left her to you?” He threw his hands up.
“Never mind, your lawyer’s gonna tell you not to answer that. You can go on and take your client outta
here, Higgens.” Rubbing his temples with his fingers, the Judge waited for them to leave. Then he asked,
“So that’s what this is about. He don’t like you because of what you are?”

“As far as I can tell, sir.”
“You, son,” He swung his glare to Kabe, “who threw the first punch? You lie, you’re on parole and

you’re gonna go right back…you understand that, right?”

“Your honor, they were having an argument. Joe tried to walk away and Ramon wouldn’t let him by

and then Ramon punched Joe.” Wide-eyed Kabe, like the Judge might not believe him, rushed the next out,
“I swear that’s the truth.”

“Did Deputy Peterson give it back?”
“Yeah, but...”
“No yeahs, no buts.” Judge Creek cut him off. “You can sit down now. And I guess you’re going to tell

me he’s a good guy.”

Nadia patted my arm, she hadn’t let go since this part started. “Your honor, I’ve been working with

him on an investigation. Joe pulled all the pieces together, he caught the guy: Murderer.” She glared over
her shoulder at the door like she was killing the spot Ramon last was in. Knowing what I did about Nadia,
I knew where some of that paint peeling stare came from. “I think Ramon was jealous of that. Couldn’t
stand that somebody like Joe beat him to the punch. I’m surprised at Joe’s restraint.” Turning back to the

judge, she told it real simple, “Ramon has been mouthing off to everyone who’ll let him have an ear. And
I think he’s pissed that Joe won’t give it back.” She snorted, “I don’t know if he’s just got something
really tiny that he’s trying to make up for. But Joe’s been pushed hard. And he’s just taken it.”

For a while the Judge thought on things, leaning back, staring at the calendar off to his left. Then he

turned to me, “You’re LDS, aren’t you, Deputy? Seen you ‘round at some things.”

That’s it, I was done for. “I was, until recently, sir.” My voice faltered about three times in that short

sentence.

“’Cause of this?”
“Yes, sir.” I couldn’t quite look at him.
“You’re worried that I’m going to hold it against you, aren’t you?”
“Sir,” I tried keep my tone as respectful as possible, “cain’t say it didn’t cross my mind.”
“Well, the reports and witness statements I got tell me a story. You were fighting. I’d expect better of

you.” I earned a long, hard stare at that. “This is a quiet, God-fearing town.” Then he looked to me, and to
Kabe and back to me. “I can’t say that the whole you and him thing sits easy with me and my faith. But I
am not you.” He steepled his fingers in front of his nose. “And I am a judge. And as a judge I follow the
law.” He sat up straight. “The plea of No Lo Contendre is accepted by the court. The court after
considering the evidence and the witness statements is issuing a finding and sentence.” Turning his
attention to the papers in front of him, Judge Creek wrote as he spoke, “Statutory fine for fighting is nine-
hundred and fifty-seven dollars. However, the court does also find, and is putting into the record, that
Defendant was defending himself after trying to avoid the fight. Although he allowed himself to be
provoked, he did back off before it went too far. Defendant also was cooperative and remained on the
scene, unlike the other participant who left.” He dropped the pen, looked up and smiled at me, “Thus, the
court sentences you, Joseph Price Peterson, as follows: I hereby reduce the charge down from a class C
misdemeanor to an Infraction. You are to pay the fine of one hundred dollars for disturbance of the peace.
Any excess paid in bail is to be returned to you. Good luck, Deputy. I hope things work out for you. You
obviously have a good deal of people who care about you.” He started to stand, then sat back down and
studied me. “How’s your job?”

Kabe had gone all grins and I had to tear myself away from that sight to respond, “Excuse me sir?”
“Do you want me to let your Sheriff know that it’s all done?” His voice was gentle. “And that I think

you shouldn’t have any repercussions off this?”

“You don’t have to, sir.”
“I know I don’t have to.” The judge barked it out like I was hard of hearing. “Do you want me to?”
“I don’t know what to say, sir.”
“You say, ‘yes, thank you.’”
I could feel my own smile tearing cross my face, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
Now Judge Creek stood. “You’re welcome.” As he walked off the bench he added, over his shoulder,

“Court is adjourned. And Muriel, call Higgens’ office and arrange a date for that other yahoo’s trial. I
think he plumb forgot to get it in all the excitement.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Ketchup dripped from the end of the fries I used as a pointer. “Oh man, I thought I was dead.” I wasn’t

dead, I wasn’t in jail and I could probably afford the fine I just paid off. An infraction wouldn’t affect my
POST certificate, least not the same as a misdemeanor conviction. The Periodic Review Committee might
still take issue, but the last officer that lost his certification for fighting actually racked a shell in his
shotgun and threatened a guy. I didn’t go nowhere near that far.

Life wasn’t looking awful at this point.
We’d stopped off in the oldest diner in Panguitch for a Joe’s not in jail party. All of us, sitting at the

counter dressed in our Sunday best and eating stuff that just wasn’t healthy. Heck of a shin-dig.

Nadia skipped actual lunch and went for a malt and a slice of pie. For a celebration meal, couldn’t

fault her. “Why would you think that, Sugar?” She purred as she sucked on her straw. I swear, if it weren’t
for the NPS khaki shirt and green trousers, she’d been a poster girl for a fifties diner. I’d always thought
of her type of gal as bikers and truck drivers. She was tough. She had a core of steel that would make any
man sweat, but I could see her holding her own at some ladies auxiliary.

I shook it off and crammed the fries in my mouth. “When the Judge said he’d seen me through the

church,” I never ate like this. Fries, lemonade, hamburger with cheese and everything—my stomach was
gonna hate me tonight. “I figured he’d take it out on me.”

“Well,” Kabe talked around a mouthful of Monte Cristo sandwich a little bit of strawberry jam

leaking out the side of his mouth, “you know the Morons…” he snickered, “uh, I mean Mormons are
known for that.”

I reached across over and popped him on the side of his head with my fingers. “You talk like that

again and I’ll slap you back to last week.”

He took another big bite of the ham and turkey mess fried up like French toast and drenched with sugar

and jam. “Promise?” The damn thing looked sweet enough to rot my teeth out. Thank goodness I wasn’t
eating it. Kabe, still in those high-end clothes, looked sweet enough to rot my teeth as well. Him, I’d take
a bite of.

Nadia rolled her eyes and bumped my hip with hers, “So when is the Teddy Bear Picnic?”
“You stop.” I turned and glared at her good. “I get enough from him.” Chawing down another mouthful

of fries, I took a big old gulp of lemonade to wash it down. “I don’t need you on top of it all.”

“Aww, Sugar,” she pouted, “you don’t love me no more?” The lemonade I’d just swallowed started

to come back up as I laughed.

That got her Kabe teasing back. “You don’t come with fringe benefits.” It came out so camp that I

choked on it.

Nadia flicked the wrapper from her straw at him. “I certainly should hope not, Sugar, that would

require an entire rearranging of my anatomy.” She stretched and flexed, mocking the pose of the gal in the
vintage Coke sign on the wall. “I kinda like it where it is.” Between her age and uniform and the over the
top batting of eyelashes and all, I busted up. It weren’t all that silly, but somehow it was; I guess when
you’re happy things just seem funnier. Kabe rolled his eyes and, pretending disgust, went back to his food.
He held it for about three seconds before the laughs got him, too. It’d been a long time since I just let it go
like that, laughing so hard that tears hit my eyes.

In the middle of it all, a real cold touch, like water outta the creek in winter, rolled down my spine. I

looked up. Next to us, glaring down, was my soon to be former Bishop. “Well,” the sight of Pete Sampris
with his pinched face and thready soul shut it all down right quick, “it is a den of iniquity here.” Our
laughter died in our mouths. Nadia didn’t even know the man and just stilled.

There was some air about him that just sucked the fun outta people.

I set my glass down and thought a moment. Real slowly, ‘cause I wanted him to know he didn’t mean

nothing to me no more, I said, “No, Pete,” I picked up a few fries and shoved then in my maw, “it’s a
lunch café counter.” Talking while eating, ain’t much I knew ruder. Well, I knew ruder things…they’d just
earn me another citation to appear.

“Yeah, dens of iniquity,” Kabe crammed half his sandwich in his mouth while talking, “tend to have

crappy lighting, booming sound systems and condoms in the bathroom.”

I damn near choked on my fries. Nadia snorted and I swear her malt came out her nose. The three

ladies who’d come up behind Pete, sisters from the Relief Society I figured, looked like they might just
have coronaries right then and there. “Excuse me?” Pete sputtered it out.

If’n I hadn’t been trying to breathe and swallow at the same time, maybe I could have stopped him.

Kabe licked a bit of jelly off his lip and smiled. “Yeah, you know.” I’d never seen him so wicked. “Evil
gay bars where they serve booze and I can suck some guy’s dick while he’s playing pool.”

Finally I sputtered out, “Kabe!” and shot him a glare that would peel paint.
All innocence looked back at me. “What?” Then he rolled his eyes and huffed, like he knew what I

was on him for. “Ladies, I’m…”

Pete cut him off. “You are the Devil incarnate. Destroying a good, God-fearing man, leading him

down that sinful path.” His voice rose to a preacher’s wail. “An unrepentant Sodomite like you, you’ll rot
in hell, boy. All the faithful will be there to watch it.” A few of the people in the place stared at us. Most
seemed to just pretend we didn’t exist.

“I was going to apologize for being rude to the ladies,” Kabe set the mess down then real slow like,

licked his fingers.

His shoulders and neck tensed. He wasn’t big, but he was roped with pure muscle…every single

tendon popped into relief as he turned. “Now, though,” he hissed it out, “you can kiss my ass.”

“That there,” Pete sneered and pointed at Kabe, “that’s perversion.” He was loud enough to hush the

whole diner. He trembled in what might look like righteous rage, but I could smell it, fear. The man was
terrified of what he’d awoke in Kabe, that that pretty boy was gonna come off that stool and snap his neck
clean off. “You’re gonna have that around your family, Joe Peterson. I’m sure they’ll love you for it.”

The only thing I ever did wrong was what I did right…loving someone like Kabe.
Sure’nuff, I’d thought that. Couldn’t believe I had. Nothing like loving someone ever crossed my mind

until just that moment. I never saw myself with no one, not permanent like. I don’t know as I saw myself
permanent with Kabe. What I saw was an it might happen. That was farther than I’d thunk through before.
And I figured just the possibility was something worth fighting for.

I was done with Pete Sampris and his attitude. I was done with his prissy ways. Turning half on my

stool, I stared Pete down. “You know, Pete, with my parents on their retirement mission in Russia…when
they get back in another year you can tell ‘em all about it.” My voice could have cracked stone it was so
hard. “And heck, I ain’t seen my oldest sister, Tina, in three years, not since they moved out to Billings.
She’s the only one I talk to regular.”

It hit me that none of my family, outside my parents, would really care what I did with the church…

nothing deep down. “Samuel’s somewhere out in Alaska with his work. Tucker, Lacy, James…naw we
don’t talk but once a year. Christmas cards maybe.” Not that my family didn’t love each other, we just
weren’t all that interested in the day-to-day. I guess it was ‘cause there was so much gap in all our ages.
“So you get them all together they’re probably going to be so busy catching up, what with the kids and the
grandkids, they’ll plumb forget what their baby brother is up to.” Not like I’d ever asked ‘em about
anything else I’d done with my life, they’d all just have to figure out how to roll with this.

I drew in a breath and hit Pete with the worst thing for him…an attitude that said I don’t care. “You

can just take your prejudice and shove it where the sun don’t shine.” One of the hardest things I’d ever
said. Took every ounce of will in my body to get it passed my teeth. Yet, once it was spoke, I felt so much

lighter. This big, iron ball just rolled off my chest.

“I ain’t even going to pray for you no more.” He sputtered and his eyes bugged out. “You’ll rot in

Hell,” was his parting shot. I turned away, like I was gonna eat more, just sat there with my hands to
either side of my plate. Kabe’s knee brushed mine, and I figured it was on purpose.

Kabe leaned back against the counter, trying to catch my eye, by ducking down and looking up.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Naw.” I smiled a little. Felt like I’d been gut-kicked, but good all the same. I reached out, like I ain’t

never done in front of no one, and slid my hand along his jaw. Then I pulled him in, so our foreheads
touched. “Ain’t worth it.” I whispered. “Won’t do no good and would just drop me down to his level.”

Not a muscle on that boy moved. “Okay, Joe.” He breathed it out, kinda scared, maybe by the touch.
“Hell,” Pete hissed as he walked away, “rot in Hell.” I held on to Kabe, like my life depended on it,

didn’t breathe again until the jangle of the bell above the door said Pete’d left. Kept Kabe there for a
while, so he’d know I hadn’t done it just for show.

Nadia finally broke it, “If you’re gonna start kissing, let me know and I’ll sell tickets.”
With a snort, I let him go and shot her a glare. “Well, I think, on that note, it’s time to head on home.” I

stood up, my hand trailing cross Kabe’s shoulder. “Packed in enough fun for three days into one, I think.”
Nadia and I fought over the check for a bit…least until she reminded me I still was on suspension and had
no pay. Kabe, well, he didn’t have a job, so neither of us expected him to offer, although he did throw
down the tip while we weren’t looking.

I shaded my eyes as I walked outside. Bright afternoon sun cut down Main Street, throwing shadows

on all the frontier-style buildings. Could have been a dead ringer for the old west, ‘cept for the asphalt
road and concrete sidewalks. Looking east my eyes went straight to the Panorama Mountains. ‘Course,
pretty much anywhere I looked I was surrounded by rock reaching to the sky. It hit my heart and hit it hard.
I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t be cradled by the hills.

Nadia sidled up next to me. She followed my gaze out past the town and the valley to where the big

black rocks called to me. “When are you going to go?”

“Huh?” I looked down at her.
“Your staring at those hills like a drowning man stares at land.” With a laugh she jerked her head

toward Kabe. He stood, hands jammed into his pockets, staring at the other vista. “Both of you. Take a
day, go crawl up a cliff or something.”

“I don’t know…”
She scuffed her boot for a moment and then turned her face up to give me one of those polecat scowls.

“Don’t mean to remind you, but Joe, you’re on suspension, what else you got to do?” Settling her hat on
her head, the scowl seeped into a grin. “You didn’t, however, die. Don’t sit around your cabin and
mope.” She poked me in the ribs, prodding more my mind than my body. “Take him out and really
celebrate. You, he, the mountains and nobody out there to watch.”

The burn hit my face and I knew she could see it flushing my cheeks. “Nadia.” I couldn’t do more than

stutter out her name as a rebuke.

“What? Oh come on, Joe.” Nadia smacked my shoulder. “I wouldn’t be teasing you if I didn’t think

y’all could handle it. And in a weird twisted way, I think that boy is good for you.”

Sometimes I felt so small out here. This was one of them times, I guess. All that big open expanse and

little me standing there with my hands in my pockets and my throat all choked up. “I don’t know.” I’d
kinda figured to not get all touched by him. That meant staying back aways. But I couldn’t do it. Every
time I turned around, I ran into Kabe. Each time he wrapped himself around my heart a little more.

“’Course you don’t.” Nadia chided me. Sounded a lot like my mom when she did. “Nobody does. Let

go. Give in. Take a chance. I think you’ll find it’s worth it.”

About that time, Kabe sauntered on by. When he popped the trunk on Nadia’s patrol car, my curiosity

got me by the balls. I ambled up next to him and growled. “What are you doing?”

He looked up from rooting in a pile of gear. “Getting my things.” The boy had a wily streak as big as

the Sevier River.

I was gonna have to watch him good from here on out. “What you mean, your things?” First coming on

down to the courthouse when I hadn’t asked, now presuming by hauling over his stuff. I wonder how much
was his own doing and how much came outta Nadia’s brain.

“I packed it: climbing gear, extra set of clothes.” He tossed a small duffel at me, hard. I caught it

against my chest. “Figured I might need it all.” Then he hauled his climbing pack out. “Either you’d be in
a good enough mood that I’d get some or I’d be talking you out of a voluntary screamer off your roof.”

I glared at Nadia. “Y’all planned it didn’t ya.”
“Nope, all his idea. I’m innocent as pure driven snow.” Like a little girl, she stuck her tongue out at

me and made me laugh. “Oh go on,” she pushed at my back, “celebrate a little,” and walked on around to
the driver’s side of the cruiser. Looking back over her shoulder, she popped the door but paused before
climbing in. “Bring him back ‘round in a couple days, when you come help me.”

She may not have planned Kabe’s deal, but something was up with her as well. “Help you?”
“Yeah, stuck a bunch of stuff in storage.” She leaned with one arm over the door and the other canted

on over top the car. “You can come help me get it all out and unpack. Come on, it’ll keep you busy,”
dropping her voice to a wavering mockery of her normal strong southern drawl, she played up the joke,
“help this poor decrepit old lady out.”

“If you’re old and decrepit,” I snorted, “I’d hate to see what you were like when you were young and

spry.”

That got me a laugh back. “I’d have run you into the ground.” She slid into the seat and shut the door.

Through the open window she added, “Come by around lunch time day after tomorrow, Sugar.” I couldn’t
do more than shake my head as she drove off. Might have lost myself one social circle, but somehow I’d
picked up another without really even thinking on it.

Kabe stepped close and frowned. “You are whipped and you’re not even getting any of that.”
“What are you on about?”
“Nadia, she’s wrapped you around her finger.” He shook his head like he couldn’t fathom why. “She

says ‘jump,’ you say ‘how high?’”

I smacked the back of his head and headed for my truck. “You just don’t know how to be neighborly.”
“Love thy neighbor.” As he fell into step next to me, Kabe’s face went all sour. “Unless, of course,

he’s gay?”

I tossed his gear in the bed of my pickup. “I ought to whip your butt for that one.” I ought to beat his

butt for near a thousand things he’d done just today alone. Then it hit me I ought to just whip that pretty
boy ass just to see it go all red and him all hard and wanting. Thank the Lord I stood right up near my
truck. Nobody’d get an eyeful of the hard-on that done sprouted up in my shorts.

Kabe smirked. I guess he’d caught sight of my wood. He slid by me, rubbing his hip into my crotch

and I did a quick glance ‘round to make sure there weren’t anyone around to see it. As he clambered up
into the cab, he purred out, “Any time you want.” If that weren’t an invitation, I didn’t know what was.

Hard Fall

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Wind whipped over me, tugging at my clothes, licking the hair on my arm and the back of my neck. It

thrummed the ropes, making the gear clipped to my harness jangle. Warm, red stone caressed my hands.
All of yesterday’s hate, courtesy of Pete, worked itself out of my joints as I climbed. I’d taken Nadia’s
motherly advice, or command depending on how I looked crosswise at it, and headed out with Kabe in
tow. Behind, below and around us the world spread out. Folding rolls of pine covered mountain and bare
swept plains of rock marched off beyond where my eyes could even follow.

God’s country.
One of my secret spots, know a few, the kind I never tell other climbers about ‘cept for a few I got to

climb with. They ain’t all that dangerous or high up on the Yosemite Scale, but they usually have decent
enough pitches to get my heart rate up and put me through a workout. Mostly they’re pretty and out where
no one else is gonna mess with you. On a known wall, you might have to wait while someone finishes the
last leg, rappels down or share their protection going up. I don’t like climbing in rush hour traffic.

This place I called Flattop. Not the most poetic of names— no Angel’s Backbone or Candy Mountain

—but it fit. All the way up I got to listen to Kabe bad-mouth the face. “It’s shit rock.” He grumbled. “The
holds are manky.” He’d moan. “I could do this pitch in my sleep.”

“Wait for it.” I kept telling him. “Gotta be patient.” I knew he wanted a challenge and here I was

forcing him through kindergarten for rock junkies. Sometimes you just gotta wade through the manure to
find the pony.

The up the wall, set a cam or two, watch Kabe’s hang above me and listen to him bellyache dance

went on for a bit. This was supposed to be my party, my getting back to my center little hoe-down. I did
not get put in jail and then I get a call from my boss that I’m back in uniform. ‘Course, I’d been throwing
up like crazy since before my court hearing from just nothing but nerves. Since then, I’d be fine for several
hours and then the shakes’d hit. At least I didn’t lose my lunch. Last night Kabe just held me till I calmed
down some. But I was fine up here.

So, I guess even Kabe’s moaning couldn’t put me in too bad a mood. At least that gave me plenty of

time to watch his butt and think about how I was going to have to smack some of the whine straight out of
it; drawn out foreplay at a hundred feet up.

Kabe hauled himself over the lip first, stood to reason as I let him have lead. “Holy fucking shit,”

drifted down to me and I had to smile even with the cursing ‘cause I knew what he’d just caught sight of.
Not too long after, I hauled myself above the rim. And there it was, what I’d meant to show him, a
playground for Kabe. It sounded damn wrong to my own ears, but what else could I call it.

“Holy Motherfucking shit.” Kabe breathed again. He rested on his haunches and stared across a flat

plateau ‘bout twenty feet across…not quite big enough to be called a mesa but a heck of a lot more than a
party ledge. I knew what caught his eye. That’s why I brought him up here. It didn’t go far up, but where
the rise took off again looked like some giant had upended a tub of building blocks and then melted them
all into a lumpy, crevassed jumble. Boulderers' heaven. You could be not more than five feet off the dirt
and pulling stunts that people paid good money to watch in Vegas shows.

I walked over to Kabe and slapped his back. “There you go.” Then I started the process of unknotting

the belay. I loosed my prussic and hung it off one clip so I could get to the rest of the rope.

Kabe looked up at me, shading his eyes with his hand. “Bouldering?” He said it all snide. His face,

though, didn’t show nothing of the same spite. “You brought me all the way up here to boulder?” The
attitude he gave off was that of a kid who just got the toy they really wanted, but maybe thought they
should be too old to be excited about.

“You said you wanted a workout, there it is.” Shrugging as I started untangling him from the pro I’d

set in the ridge ages ago. My one concession to practicality, two permanently anchored bolts and a chain;
too much flat surface to hunt bolting spots each time I came up. “It ain’t fancy. It ain’t high.” Kinda swept
my arm absently off in the direction of the rock pile. “But you monkey around on that enough you’ll be
ready to tackle Spiderfingers over in Kolob Canyon in no time flat.”

Oh yeah, he grinned like a kid on Christmas morning. “Okay.” He stood and started pulling, tidying

ropes. “You doing it with me?”

“Sure.” Why not, I needed the practice of getting in and out of tight little spots. People who fell, who

by rights I had to bring out, tended to go down in inaccessible slot canyons and crevasses. “I’ll do a bit
with you.”

I played for a while, letting Kabe know I could. There were places where it was all I could do to

shove my hands in slotwise. My toes were above my head and I got nothing but two fingers of each hand
in a crack and reaching back behind my own butt. And that was me and my chunky form of too big for this
kind of climbing. I knew the drill, that my legs counted far more than my biceps for keeping me on a wall,
but I wasn’t no half-starved teenage gal to wrap myself ‘round some of those moves. After a bit of the
pretzel routine, I just moved off and watched him.

I don’t like spiders, just my thing, but there ain’t no other way to describe how he moved across some

of those spans. I swear there weren’t no finger or toe holds to be had and he’s taking the bottom side of an
overhang and making it look easy. Kabe, who was all lithe and limber, played around like gravity didn’t
apply to him. One hand on the side of a boulder, the other latched into the bottom face and he’s curling
and uncurling between rocks like a length of ribbon wound through a belay.

All through it there’s that pained snarl on his face. I call it a climber’s grin, ‘cause it says I’ve got my

soul invested here, I’m sweating half my weight in water out and I got blister-flaps coming off my
hands…and I’d still rather be here than anywhere else I can think of.

I chugged down some water and licked my lips. There’s foreplay and then there’s waiting too long for

what you want. Screwing down the cap before I shoved the bottle back in my belt, I called out. “Hey!” It
took a couple repeats to get Kabe’s attention. When I did, he’s squatting like a kid playing at being a frog,
knees bent, hands touching the ground between his feet…’cept Kabe’s upside down, latched into a rock
about twenty feet up. “Get over here!”

He uncurled, locked into whatever space his fingers could find, moving his feet to get a different

purchase. “Why?” That took balls. Most times climbers wanted to keep three points on a wall. Gave you
balance and stamina.

I just shook my head. Kabe wasn’t most climbers. “Just get your butt over ‘side me.”
He scuttled down that wall and let himself swing out from the face and drop down the last five feet.

Jumping from boulder to boulder, he headed toward me. “What?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I glowered at him. “I ain’t heard it yet.” Hard to keep the grin from

taking over though. Lean brown and toned body covered in sweat… boy’d dropped his shirt about half an
hour back.

“Heard what?” He ran his hand through his hair and grinned. Took his sweet time ambling over. I

could tell by the way he moved he was watching me watching him. And liked it.

When he got close, I reached out and hooked a finger into his harness, that big thick belt around his

middle, and reeled him in. “Thank you.” Lord he smelled good, all that exertion busting across his skin
and daring me to taste it.

“Right,” he snorted, pushing me away like it wasn’t nothing, my bringing him here. “Whatever, dude.”

I got a roll of his eyes on top of it all. “You go ahead and think you’re gonna get one. I ain’t fucking
impressed.”

I spun him, ‘cause he was off balance, leaning back, and I had a good twist point with my fingers in

his harness. Took me all of a second and I turned him over a rock and swatted him hard with my other

hand. “I told you about using that word!” I laughed it out. Even through those fancy shorts of his, I felt the
burn. I’d meant to just tease him a bit, but hearing the sound as my palm smacked down and Kabe’s yelp
woke up that same feeling, the one I’d gotten in my cabin that night. I’d thought then it was maybe anger or
fear or both. There weren’t none of that going on here.

I just liked it…liked it more than I’d imagined.
He twisted and tried to scramble away. Didn’t even think, just latched my hand hard into his harness

and drug him back into my reach. Kabe weren’t getting away from me.

There was that muscled back, all sweaty and streaked with dust, and it fueled my fancy something

awful. Those expensive, tight climbing shorts clung to his butt like a second skin. Kabe glared over his
shoulder, sweat damp hair clinging to his face and fight blowing up the green and gold in his eyes. It
burned through me in a flash, dropped all my blood south. His legs strained as he pushed against the rock
to get away from me. That’s where all the body’s power lay, but even Kabe couldn’t move past my mule
streak. ‘Specially not when I wanted something.

Yanking my prussic off my rack, I dropped the cord down until the knot sat tight in my hand—that

knot’d hurt too much if it caught him. Then I hauled off and whacked him with the open loop. The blow
caught him half on his belt and half on his back, kinda high up. A red half circle bloomed on his skin.
Nothing ever looked quite so pretty to my eyes. I leaned into his body then, pressing him right between me
and the rock, “Whatever don’t cut it, boy.”

“Fuck you!” He spit out. Couldn’t take it too serious with that wicked grin on his face. Plus, Kabe

never used that word against me. He knew I didn’t like the cussing. Boy did it on purpose, egging me on. I
don’t know how to explain the difference, but I knew. He fought against me, but he didn’t fight me. The
point of all the writhing and squirming wasn’t to get away. Naw, he just didn’t want to make it easy on
me.

I kept my grip tight, brought that piece of rope up and laid it back down across his back. The sound of

rope striking flesh thundered in my pulse. A red half moon appeared right between his shoulder blades
and Kabe gasped. I ain’t never been gripped by anything like it. Just took over, my blood replaced by this
need that I didn’t quite understand. Reached out with that hand, rope tight in my fingers, and used my
thumb to trace it. Kabe’s shudder ran straight up my arm and down into my balls. It hit me so intense I
didn’t even think. I hauled off and belted him again down around his butt and his thighs. Maybe ten times I
struck him, each and every one of them amped my senses to breaking. Kabe bucked, twisted and moaned
like he was getting balled, pleading my name in a way that begged for the whooping not to end…ever.

Shaking, all overcome, I pulled back. Staggered off a might, leaned against an outcrop of rock and

stared at what I’d wrought on Kabe’s skin. A golden flush swept his cheeks and neck. Those half moons
where the rope bit into him went deep cherry and over marked each other. The picture of him—lying
trembling on the boulder, sweating, with his fingers dug hard into the rock and his butt thrust up in the air
—seared into my mind. My fantasies could live off that for a lifetime. I swallowed a couple of times
before I managed to croak out, “Kabe?”

“Fuck, Joe,” He hissed, his eyes coming open maybe half way, “please.” Kabe hauled himself up on

his hands and knees, licked his lips and breathed out, “Now.”

I laughed a little, him like that. “Come get it.” Honest, I should have gone to him. Helped him.

Somehow I knew that Kabe’d like it better this way. Me ordering him around touched him…touched me in
a way I weren’t right ready to acknowledge. Least right then I didn’t have to think, just do. “Get your butt
over to me.”

Instead of getting up like I expected, Kabe crawled. Maybe he couldn’t stand ‘cause he was shaking

so hard, but I liked to think that he moved that way for me; somewhere between a skittish colt and a
mountain lion stalking. It was as pretty as the canyons behind him. He got to my feet, leaned in and licked
my ankle. Shudders shot up me so hard my gear jangled. I had so much wood in my pants that it pulled the

legs of my shorts up into my harness.

Kabe looked up at me. Lord, that boy’s eyes were wicked. I swallowed and hissed out, “Yeah, you

can keep that going.” He grinned and then ran his tongue along my shin. The wet trail cooled on my skin
and mixed with the heat of Kabe’s breath. I didn’t think anything could feel so intense. Both of us shook
while he licked every inch of my skin, working his way up my body. When he made it to my mouth and
kissed me, I groaned hard. Both of us felt like rocks pressed into each other.

I kissed him for a long, long while. My hands wrapped on either side of his face pinned him and

wouldn’t let him pull away. I didn’t want Kabe to ever pull away from me. Let the mountains fall and the
stars burn out, I’d never let him go. Our tongues tangled all in each other’s mouths. What I couldn’t just
yet say to him in words—how much he meant to me, how my heart felt like bursting every time he smiled
—I tried to put through in that kiss. And I felt it right back. He needed me. Kabe wanted me. Maybe he
even loved me a little. About that point I could have exploded with it all.

Course, both of us needed something fierce right then. One of Kabe’s arms stretched out behind my

neck, latching him in to the rock good. The other he got looped behind my head, allowing me to kiss and
lick that tight chest that tasted all of dried sweat and dust. Then he walked his legs up the boulder on
either side of me. Lord, Kabe was made of rubber he was so flexible. Kabe rubbed his prick just under
my sternum. Didn’t hold on to him none, instead I unhooked my harness while he hung around me.
Anybody who could hold himself on sheer wall with his fingers and toes could manage this. A little
shifting, a little twisting and my gear dropped around my ankles. Shorts didn’t follow it long after.

“What are you doing, Joe?” He managed to pant it out between kisses.
The two little bits I’d rescued from my pocket crinkled in my hand. “I thought you said anytime.” I

reached around him, tucked a little packet of lube that definitely smelled nothing like coconut into the
waistband of Kabe’s harness

“Here?” That laugh was near perfect.
“Yep.” I licked his neck as I tore into the wrapper of the less metallic bit of protection I needed.

“Game?”

“Fuck, yeah.” Kabe breathed it out as he humped my belly.
I managed to tug his shorts off his butt and around his thighs. “Save that thought.” Got them all hung up

in his Mana harness. If I pushed him up enough the shorts bared his hole and tangled his balls all up in rip
stop nylon. Kabe laughed, figuring what I was going for. He hooked his ankles on my shoulder. I think I
ain’t seen nothing prettier in a long time.

A little shifting and I retrieved the lube from where it’d got stuck under his harness. Pinched him a

little I bet, but Kabe humped harder and kissed deeper when I did. Then I slicked myself, had to do it that
way, and angled as best I could. I pushed up and in, all slow. Kabe relaxed and kinda slid down. Both of
us moaned long and hard. Had to spread my legs out wide to hold us up.

Kabe’s ankles and hands both wrapped around the back of my neck. My fingers, coated in chalk, dug

into his butt cheeks. Then I got my back braced on the rock and I thrust up in him like mad. His hole
opened up and took me in. Although that angle… I ain’t never been inside someone so tight.

My shirt rucked up between us and his balls rolled under his shorts against my belly. His prick, hard

enough to burst, was wedged between his body and mine and trapped in nylon. He writhed against me…
felt his arms shake with the strain of getting pounded, holding himself on my shoulders and being on the
verge. I moved one arm up to cradle his back so he wouldn’t fall.

His little sharp gasps of, “Joe!” boiled through my blood. My nerves had been flayed to breaking.

After all of it, my body couldn’t hold back. I rocked us hard and fast, just pounded his ass. Fire lit me up,
swept clean through my soul and out my prick. I hauled him hard against me as I rode it out. Waves of heat
and cold stripping me bare for him. When I kinda could get back focus, I moved to kiss him. Kabe laughed
and I knew why. His shorts were all slick. Heck, I ain’t never plowed anyone and made them cum from

just that. ‘Course, could be the rubbing himself off in his shorts had something to do with it.

He unwrapped himself, wobbly as a newborn calf, and slid. I still held him, wouldn’t ever let him fall

whether it was two or two-hundred feet. Not that I was in much better shape. We kinda staggered over to
the whipping rock—I’d remember that name from here ‘till forever—where he collapsed down on his
belly. Kabe fumbled a bit and found his water. Seemed all he could do just to chug it down.

“You okay?” I tugged my shirt down and worked the condom off my prick.
He turned his face. A lazy smile broke as he chuckled, “Better than.” I guess we was all good then.
I crawled back a bit just to watch him there and get my shorts. Couldn’t stop looking as I pulled them

on. His legs all spread out, bare brown and cut with sinew. Black straps on his thighs, blue fabric
bunched up against it, then nekkid tan ass and another thick back strap ‘round his middle. My handprints,
white from the chalk, covered his legs and back and butt. Here and there I could see the red welts from the
rope where I’d marked his skin. I ain’t never seen nothing quite like it.

Something deeper worked in me too. I wanted to take care of him, keep him safe. It rushed over me,

drowned me down in feelings I just weren’t used to. Like my mama said, you find the right person and you
know it…in your gut, your head and your heart. That boy had done worked himself so fast in there. I
couldn’t have outrun it if I wanted to.

I sure didn’t want to.
Kabe’s exhausted voice cut into my thoughts. “Hey, Joe.”
“Yeah?” I sounded just as worn through.
He laughed again. “Thank you.”

Hard Fall

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

First afternoon home after my first day back to work in a week and it’d been hard. Sheriff Simple had

me riding a desk and going over some cold cases we had. Admin work, but at least it was work and
carried a paycheck…a grade below what I was used to. Took a walk over to the courthouse and watched
Gunter Warner’s arraignment. Nothing special or particularly exciting happened. The wheels of justice
rolled along, slow and cranky like usual.

They took his plea of not guilty, denied him bail until a better hearing could be had—flight risk and all

—and set a trial date. I got that there were all sorts of behind the scenes negotiations about the when and
the where and what punishment the DA would go for since Utah has the death penalty and Germany don’t.
So far none of us had figured why Gunter’d done it. There were rumors, though, of a mighty big insurance
policy and a family photography business, of all the darn things, he stood to become sole owner of if his
wife had an unfortunate accident. ‘Bout as good a motive as you could pin on most domestic things. Heck,
I knew a gal who shot her husband ‘cause he couldn’t find the hamper with his socks.

Now home and worn thin a bit, I stretched out on the couch and tipped my Stetson down over my eyes.

Sooner or later, I’d have to see about dinner. Thought a nap might do me better right about then. Most of
the people at the department had been okay with my return. I’d proved myself to them enough and with
Myron Simple behind me, they weren’t about to say nothing to my face. Couldn’t say as much for some of
the townsfolk. Ramon and Pete still spouted hate and some of ‘em listened. I couldn’t do nothing about
them, so I just took care of myself.

The rumble of an engine carried up long before I heard the wheels crunch in the drive. Guess a nap

was out of the question. Pushed the hat up, but didn’t sit up. I waited and soon the porch steps creaked and
somebody knocked. “S’open.” Whoever it was could take me as is. Door swung open, showing me my
pretty boy. My heart went all warm and a good deal of the rest of me, too. Yep, I’d fallen hard. “Hey,
Kabe.” I barely looked up and waved him on in. “What, you get lost, puppy,” I teased, “and end up on my
doorstep?”

“Funny. No, I was down this way and thought I’d drop by.” After shutting the door he just kinda stood

there, not doing much but staring at me. Finally, he spoke, “T and I were over across from the station,
couple hours ago.” That would have been about the time I got off shift. “Met this guy to see about an old
truck I wanted to buy.” Kabe shifted and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Anyway, I saw the counter girl
from over at Ruby’s, saw you run into her over there. She just walked away from you, wouldn’t even talk
to you. I’ve seen some snubs before, but man, that was literally ‘flip up her nose and cross to the other
side of the street.’”

“Well there you go.” I mumbled. I didn’t want to remember that. It’d been like a gut blow when

Jessie’d done that. I’d said ‘hi,’ just to be polite. Likely what T and Kabe hadn’t caught was the choice bit
of words that’d gone along with Jessie’s snub. “It don’t matter much what Jessie did.” Gonna have to live
with a lot of that in the coming days, months, years. “You come all the way over here to tell me that?”

“No, sort of.” Kabe shrugged, “Bought the truck, thought I’d bring it over and show it off.”
The backcountry was wearing on him. “Truck huh?” Soon I’d be on him about chaw and dressing in

flannel shirts. Right now, least I still had tight T-shirts and dark denim to ogle.

“Yeah, cheap. Something to drive.” Boy was like a kid talking to his dad. Lord, that thought was nine

ways of wrong. Still, somehow, kinda fitting I guess. Maybe that shirt-tail uncle everyone’s always got…
not really related like, but always around. He shuffled his feet and bobbed a bit. “You know, so I can get
to my job.”

“You got a job? You didn’t tell me nothing about that!” ‘Course I hadn’t seen Kabe since the day

before yesterday.

Talked to him on the phone though, he could have said something then. He’d been hiding it from me.

We’d have to talk about that.

“Surprise.” He grinned. “Actually, Ranger Slokum helped me. Hear something, know somebody kinda

thing, happened real quick.”

“So you gonna tell me what it is? Working at the Park?” Figured it might be a seasonal opening, if

Ranger Slokum had a bead on it. I’d done cottoned to that gal faster than just about anyone I’d met, ‘cept
maybe Kabe. While I was off, she’d twisted my arm to help her unpack then we’d spent the afternoon with
her showing me photos. Her and her gal who’d died, all normal like at bar-b-que’s and such. Never much
thought of someone like me, or like her, being normal.

“No,” Kabe’s cough dragged my attention back to him, “a canyoneering outfit. Runs guided tours and

such, Bryce, Red Rock and Zions. I get to teach tourons how to climb.”

Well now, my Kabe had a job and a car. Productive member of society and all that. Still, he looked

like a pretty boy with his shaggy black hair and hard-laced muscle. Dressed like it, too. Kabe leaned near
the door in hiking boots, low slung but tight jeans, and a red shirt that set off his dark skin. I smiled,
beckoned him with one finger, “How long you gonna hold up my wall and not come over here?”

Kabe grinned and sauntered over. Then he sat down heavy on the edge of the couch, butt pressing

against my shins. “So what happened to love thy neighbor and all that bullshit?” Guess he was back on
Jessie and what he’d seen. Not like my thoughts weren’t all wrapped up there, too. Not with just her, but a
lot of little things lately that screamed just as loud. Lightly, like he was afraid I might break, Kabe set his
hand on my knee. That little touch felt better than just about anything I could think of. “They’re just going
to turn their backs on you?”

I shifted a little so I could see him better. I must’ve looked like hell warmed over with the way he

stared at me all wide eyed and worried. Couldn’t say I’d been taking the best care of myself recently.
‘Bout all I could manage some days was to drag my carcass outta bed. Heck, I hadn’t shaved in a week.
Diamond teased me about going for the mountain man style. “Look, under their way of looking at things, I
shot first.” Running my hand up the middle of his back, I savored how his muscle felt under my touch.
Right good and just about perfect. “I walked away. Turned my back on everything they know to be good
and holy.”

“That sucks and it’s bullshit.” Leaning forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, Kabe’s whole body

slumped. “Sandy got on me, you know?”

Guessed the hurt was spreading all ‘round. “Uh-huh.”
“Shit, she actually accused me of making you gay. Told me that I had to make it right.” He leaned into

my body a little more. Seemed like we’d been like this forever. “After I stopped laughing, I kinda laid it
all out for her. Probably more information than she really wanted to know.” He rolled his eyes and
grimaced. “Sorry.”

“About what?” I snorted and pushed at his butt with my leg. “Making me gay?”
“Yeah, right. No, I don’t know, but you’re not a person who is real open with any part of their

personal life, I just get that feeling.” After running his hands through his hair, Kabe kinda turned toward
me. A real sheepish smile crept over his face. “Although it was kinda funny seeing her face after I
explained what rimming was…that it had nothing to do with being on the lip of a canyon.”

Oh Lord, save me from that boy’s mouth. “If you’re going to kill me, let me give you my piece.” I

reached up, grabbed him behind the neck and pulled him down. He struggled for all of a minute. “Lot
quicker with a bullet.” Then Kabe settled. His body melded into mine. The line of his leg, lying between
my own, just matched me. We breathed together. Gold-red light from the windows danced dust around us.
It felt good having him near me like that. Lazy… two dogs in a pile on the porch. Think I even dozed a
little bit.

Kinda dreamy, he asked, “Know what I hated most about what happened between me and Tony?”

“You got locked up.” I mumbled it, running my hand down his spine.
“Yeah, for a while.” His hair tickled my cheek. I rolled my head so I could smell him. Dust, sun, a

little motor oil and his sweat all mixed together and made about the most perfect combination I could
imagine. “But, shit, I knew who he was and what he did when I was with him.” Kabe’s fingers traced the
inside of my arm. “You hang with people like that, sooner or later you’re going to get in trouble. No, it
was while I was locked up. He abandoned me.”

“And you thought it was true love…”
“No, I thought it was really hot sex and kinda love.” He pinched the inside of my elbow to mess with

me. “But I didn’t have any delusions that we’d be growing old together. I thought of him as a really good
friend with benefits. Still, there’re things you do for friends.” His body settled into a real heavy quiet.
“For two years I was in a scary as shit place and didn’t have anybody I could count on to be there.”
Kabe’s voice crept low through my ears. “He never once visited. I mean, my grams came like clockwork,
my dad came when he was in town. But they’re family and you know, they have to stick with you. At least
I thought that’s what family did.”

I saw what he was getting at. I wouldn’t be an obligation to nobody. “I don’t want you sticking around

because you feel sorry for me. That turns sick real fast.”

“Look. I had a light at the end of the tunnel.” Kabe pushed himself up and stared down into my eyes. “I

knew when the end of my sentence was and that I’d probably get out earlier. You’re looking at fuck knows
how long. I don’t know how long I’m going to be around. I’m not going to promise forever.” The same
look he got up on the wall, when he climbed, stole over Kabe. There weren’t word for it ‘cept
determination. “But, you know, I like Joe Peterson. You’re one of the few people I’ve met that wasn’t
trying to sell me something, sell me them.”

What was I to say to that? It was true though. I didn’t think on people…they were who they were.

Kabe, beyond the good looking, I’d known he could climb. I’d needed him for that.

And knowing what I did about taking a face…well, dumb people didn’t live long. So, I guessed I’d

made some assumptions, just not the ones guys normally made with a lean piece of ass.

“And you nailed it,” like he knew what drifted through my mind, he stroked the growth on my jaw, “up

there, that’s the one place I don’t have to pretend I’m hipper, flashier or got more than other people.” All
earnest, “You deserve better, you got me, and I’m not going to let you down. I’ll promise you a friendship.
I may not know what you’re going through, but I’ll listen to it, and be there, ‘cause that’s what friends do.
If things go beyond that, it’d be sweet.”

“Best buds, huh?” I teased him. What he was saying, I didn’t know if I could handle it, much less him.

Go from having it all, losing it all and then gaining some back…heck of a zipper fall I’d been on lately.
“You scratch my back, I scratch yours.”

The smile faded into a leer. “No, you suck my dick, I’ll suck yours.” Then it went back to being all

Kabe…the Kabe I liked, the Kabe from up on the wall, serious, sincere. “And I’ll haul your ass up the
mountain enough to remind you that none of this shit matters in the big scheme of things. I may not believe
in God, but I believe in the Wow! That day you kissed me on the ledge, that was it.” A light, like I’d seen
in the eyes of those testifying on their faith, it lit him up. “We’re tiny out there. In a million years what we
do ain’t going to matter worth shit and that’s still going to be there. I think the Wow will make it better.”

“I think getting my dick sucked right now could make me feel better.” I teased him, ‘cause I really

couldn’t handle thinking on deep things right then. It was going to take me a long time to sort things out.
Right then I was living on the some days are better than others plan.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about.” His smile got all bright. “Dump these hicks, man. This shit ain’t

worth it.”

“What do you want from me, Kabe?” I pushed that mop of hair back off his face. “What?”
“I don’t know.”

“You know, I ain’t the next high or the next thrill until you can find something with more rush to

conquer. I’m just Joe Peterson. Sheriff or no, I’m a country boy with maybe some big city urges…but what
you see is what you get.” He needed to understand that. “I like my evenings long, I like my lemonade
sweet and I don’t go ‘round pretending that I’m something more than that.” Thumping his forehead with my
finger, trying to pop a little sense in there, I added, “So when you’re bored off your lazy can, ‘cause there
ain’t no swank nekkid parties I hear about on those internet message lists, you got to remember that. This
here is God’s country and I respect it, and I’m part of it. So deep I hurt when I’m not here. You’re stuck
out here for a while, keeping your nose clean for your PO and your family. But you know, get a bit of time
under you and you can pull up stakes here. Fed parole, they can monitor you anywhere. I ain’t about to be
used up like that.”

He sighed and shook his head like it wasn’t quite penetrating. “But you don’t need these fucking

hicks.”

“I’m a fucking hick!” I ain’t ever swore much. Seemed like that might get it through to him. “Don’t you

get it? This is where I belong! I don’t fit nowhere else. Not like I fit here now, neither. The Bishop, oh
man, I’m done in the church. They’re gonna pull my Temple Recommend, kick me out of the Ward. I
already got the letter.”

“Great,” Kabe’s hand snaked down between us and he grabbed my package. “You can ditch that

stupid underwear of yours.” The squeeze he added kinda said he wanted me to ditch all my clothes.

I grabbed his face with my hand, like you would play-fighting with a puppy. Shaking him a little, I

growled, “This is my life and you’re joking about the shorts I wear?”

“It’s just a church.” Kabe jerked away and nipped at my fingers. I got the feeling he liked playing the

puppy. That thought was all interesting in strange ways. “There’s a ton of churches out there if you really
feel the need. Just tell that stupid official to go fuck himself, get the hell out of your life.”

“That stupid official is my neighbor.” Kabe just didn’t know how wove together people were out

here. “He taught me high school math and science. My cousin married his daughter. I’ve been called as a
Sunday school teacher for the fourth and fifth grade boys under him. My dad served as the Bishop two
terms before him. The only paid position in the Mormon Church is the janitor, everybody else is someone
you live, work and breathe with.” In the space of a week, my whole social circle had collapsed. “These
are the people I go hunting with, ice-cream socials and the Fourth of July picnic. I have just lost every
friend I have and probably most of my family, and you’re making cracks about my drawers.”

“Family wouldn’t do that to you.” He dropped back down on my chest, wrapped his arms around me

and clung tight. “Would they?”

“If I… what if…” Thinking on the inevitability of the next few steps, I wound my fingers into his hair.

“When I get excommunicated and they strike my name off the rolls, my family is gonna have to choose.”
Probably the hardest part of it; not what it’d do to me. I could take care of myself. But my mom, dad,
brothers, sisters, all of them, this was gonna put them in some real hard places. “They won’t be forced to
leave, but they’ll always be suspect. ‘Why aren’t you doing enough to bring him back? Can’t you make
him straight?’”

Kabe’s breath warmed my neck right where my shirt gaped open. “I’m sorry, man.”
“’Bout what?”
“The situation…”
“Yeah, ‘cause you held me down and made me ball your brains out.” I slid my arms ‘round him. Felt

so right lying there like that with him. “In some ways I’m more miserable than a cat caught in the rain, but
I ain’t stupid. I coulda just not done nothing.”

“It’s okay as long as you don’t act on it?”
“Being tempted is human. Acting on those temptations, I’d be in trouble if you were a gal. Not as

much, a stern talking to, a few lectures and a lot of praying. I ain’t gonna put my family through it.”

When he jerked I held him tight. Didn’t want that contact to end. How I held him caused Kabe to

mumble into my chest, “You’re going to give up being gay?”

“Your hat’s on too tight.” I laughed. First time really I’d laughed all week. “No, I can’t lie to myself

that way either. If I’d wanted that I’d have shacked up with the clerk over at Ruby’s. Lord knows Jessie’s
tried hard enough.” I eased down as he looked up, sliding under him and getting comfortable. “I’ll take it
one day at a time from here on out. You can walk a million miles if you just keep putting one foot in front
of the other. I just, I gave up. It hurts, damn does it hurt, but I told the Bishop they can do whatever they
want. I ain’t gonna fight. It ain’t worth it to no one, least of all me. I’ve been living a lie, Kabe. Not the
faith that’s in me, but the version I’ve been buying. And I think there’s good things there. Honestly there is.
But it ain’t about hate. When they say I got a choice, and you say I’m spitting in your eye because you
won’t let me be with who God intended me to be with, that’s hate. I just want to be with someone I care
about.”

“Like who?”
I squeezed him till he grunted. “You, idiot.”
“You care about me?” He didn’t sound all that convinced. Hard to tell, of course, when he’s trying to

catch a lungful of air.

“As much as I can about someone I’ve known about two weeks. I care enough to want to know you

more. My momma always said, when you find the right gal, you’ll feel it. And, I don’t want to scare you
off, thinking I’m going psycho or somethin’, but I know I like being with you. I never even got to this stage
with another guy, heck anybody. You think I’m nuts, huh?”

“Weirdly, no.” Kabe quit fighting and snuggled in. “Look, everyone I’ve ever met saw me like, you

know, this totally not serious dude. Guys my own age treated me like a stupid surfer kid. Okay, I’m a rock
hound, I live to climb, don’t mean I’m not a person.”

“Of course you’re a person,” I gave him another squeeze, not as hard as the other, “what are you going

on about?”

“A lot of guys look at someone like me and they think twink, which means, to many of them, stupid.

You, you didn’t like me, I could tell.” Kabe’s legs wrapped up all in mine. It was like having a warm
Kabe blanket, better than one of my mom’s quilts. “But you didn’t not take me seriously.”

“I didn’t not take you seriously?” Shifting some, I got our hips lined up, more importantly his hip bone

didn’t grind into my cock. The pressure there was getting a might uncomfortable. “Now that’s a mouthful.”

“You saw me as useful, first.”
“Rightly, I saw you first as a lot of trouble.” I reached down and grabbed a handful of his butt. Then I

used it to push his crotch into mine. “A hot bit of trouble, but definitely trouble.”

Kabe helped by squirming some. “Well, I definitely ended up being a whole lot of trouble for you.”
“Naw, you weren’t no trouble. Least none that I didn’t want.” I was done with talking for awhile.

We’d said a good bit of everything we needed to. With my free hand I pulled his chin up and locked my
mouth on his. Those hard kisses of his tasted so fine. I could drown in them. Fall forever and not care.

Kabe pulled back and drew down some air. “You know the other night,” his hazel eyes seemed to get

brighter, like a deep forest bursting with browns and golds and mostly green, when lust got on him, “that
was hot.” He rocked his hips against mine.

From what I could tell, that kiss warmed us both. “Hot?” Kinda liked being trapped this way, though I

was still gonna have to get used to the briefs Kabe’d thrown in my cart those few days back.

“I like how you just took charge.” With as hard as he was, the boy’d liked it just fine. “I had guys who

played that game before. But none of them really, you know, lived it.”

“Lived it?” I had no idea what he was on about. “I don’t get what you mean there.”
“You know, the Dom thing.”
Smacking his ass, not too hard, but enough it stung, I chided him, “Your hat’s on too tight. I’m just

me.”

“That’s what I mean.” If Kabe kept moving like he was, we’d end up without our clothes pretty quick.

Not that it was a bad idea. “It’s not ‘let’s dress up in leather and play around.’ Although you’d, wow,
you’d be hot in it. But you take control and make me feel things. I could get off on that. A lot. You’re
doing it ‘cause you want to enjoy it and you want me to enjoy it, not because you wanna push me around.”

“I never wanted to push you around.” Although I did push him ‘round right then; pushed his butt down

so our hips ground together again. “Slap you upside the head maybe…” I licked my lips. I need more of
that taste. “Now you done talked us blue. Why don’t you put your mouth where your attitude is and bring it
on here.”

Kabe laughed, kissed me like I’d asked. There was a powerful need behind that kiss. Both his and

mine. It worked up and overwhelmed me each time I touched him.

And I knew right then, knew the moment his lips touch mine, that this screamer I’d been on, down into

a bottomless abyss, well, I’d be okay. My rope was playing out at fifty miles a minute, but there was this
hard slip of nothing boy anchored solid to the face and he had me on belay. So I figured it was about time
to let myself fall, fall real hard, so long as I landed in his arms.

Hard Fall

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

JAMES BUCHANAN, author of over ten novels and single author anthologies, lives in a 100 year old

Craftsman in Pasadena with her SexyGuy, two demon spawn and a herd of adopted pet dogs, cats, rats
and fish. Between managing a law practice with SG, raising kids and writing books, James volunteers
with the Erotic Author's Association and Liminal Ink as well as coordinates the newsletter for the
ManLoveAuthor's co-op. James has spoken and read at conferences such as Saints & Sinners and the
Popular Culture Association. In the midst of midlife crises, James bought and learned to ride a Harley – it
went with the big, extended-cab pickup. James has been a member of CorpGoth since 1993 and been
known to wear leather frock coats to court. If you don't find James at the computer working on her next
book, you're liable to find her out on the bike.

Visit James on the web at:
http://www.james-buchanan.com/
http://eroticjames.livejournal.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eroticjames/

Hard Fall

THE TREVOR PROJECT

The Trevor Project operates the only nationwide, around-theclock crisis and suicide prevention

helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. Every day, The Trevor Project
saves lives though its free and confidential helpline, its website and its educational services. If you or a
friend are feeling lost or alone call The Trevor Helpline. If you or a friend are feeling lost, alone,
confused or in crisis, please call The Trevor Helpline. You’ll be able to speak confidentially with a
trained counselor 24/7.

The Trevor Helpline: 866-488-7386 On the Web: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Hard Fall

THE GAY MEN’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROJECT

Founded in 1994, The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project is a grassroots, non-profit organization

founded by a gay male survivor of domestic violence and developed through the strength, contributions
and participation of the community. The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project supports victims and
survivors through education, advocacy and direct services. Understanding that the serious public health
issue of domestic violence is not gender specific, we serve men in relationships with men, regardless of
how they identify, and stand ready to assist them in navigating through abusive relationships. GMDVP
Helpline: 800.832.1901 On the Web: http://gmdvp.org/

Hard Fall

THE GAY & LESBIAN ALLIANCE AGAINST

DEFAMATION/GLAAD EN...

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring

fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating
homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation. On the Web:
http://www.glaad.org/ GLAAD en español:

http://www.glaad.org/espanol/bienvenido.php

Hard Fall

SERVICEMEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network is a nonpartisan, nonprofit, legal services, watchdog and

policy organization dedicated to ending discrimination against and harassment of military personnel
affected by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).The SLDN provides free, confidential legal services to all
those impacted by DADT and related discrimination. Since 1993, its inhouse legal team has responded to
more than 9,000 requests for assistance. In Congress, it leads the fight to repeal DADT and replace it with
a law that ensures equal treatment for every servicemember, regardless of sexual orientation. In the
courts, it works to challenge the constitutionality of DADT. SLDN Call: [phone] PO Box 65301
or (202) 328-FAIR Washington DC 20035-5301 e-mail: [e-mail] On the Web: http://sldn.org/

Hard Fall

THE GLBT NATIONAL HELP CENTER

The GLBT National Help Center is a nonprofit, tax-exempt organization that is dedicated to meeting

the needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and those questioning their sexual
orientation and gender identity. It is an outgrowth of the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, which began in
1996 and now is a primary program of The GLBT National Help Center. It offers several different
programs including two national hotlines that help members of the GLBT community talk about the
important issues that they are facing in their lives. It helps end the isolation that many people feel, by
providing a safe environment on the phone or via the internet to discuss issues that people can’t talk about
anywhere else. The GLBT National Help Center also helps other organizations build the infrastructure
they need to provide strong support to our community at the local level. National Hotline: 1-888-THE-
GLNH (1-888-843-4564) National Youth Talkline 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743) On the Web:
http://www.glnh.org/ e-mail: [e-mail]

If you’re a GLBT and questioning student heading off to university, should know that there are

resources on campus for you. Here’s just a sample:

US Local GLBT college campus organizations http://dv-8.com/resources/us/local/campus.html GLBT

Scholarship Resources http://tinyurl.com/6fx9v6 Syracuse University http://lgbt.syr.edu/ Texas A&M
http://glbt.tamu.edu/ Tulane University http://www.oma.tulane.edu/LGBT/Default.htm University of
Alaska http://www.uaf.edu/agla/ University of California, Davis http://lgbtrc.ucdavis.edu/ University of
California, San Francisco http://lgbt.ucsf.edu/ University of Colorado http://www.colorado.edu/glbtrc/
University of Florida http://www.dso.ufl.edu/multicultural/lgbt/ University of Hawaiÿi, Mānoa
http://manoa.hawaii.edu/lgbt/ University of Utah http://www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt/ University of Virginia
http://www.virginia.edu/deanofstudents/lgbt/ Vanderbilt University http://www.vanderbilt.edu/lgbtqi/