The Wrong Way

By: McKenna Kerrick

Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter One: Lila

Chapter Two: Killian

Chapter Three: Lila

Chapter Four: Killian

Chapter Five: Lila

Chapter Six: Killian

Chapter Seven: Lila

Chapter Eight: Killian

Chapter Nine: Lila

Chapter Ten: Killian

Chapter Eleven: Lila

Chapter Twelve: Killian

Chapter Thirteen: Lila

Chapter Fourteen: Killian

Chapter Fifteen: Lila

Chapter Sixteen: Killian

Chapter Seventeen: Lila

Chapter Eighteen: Killian

Chapter Nineteen: Lila

Chapter Twenty: Killian

Chapter Twenty-One: Lila

Chapter Twenty-Two: Killian

Chapter Twenty-Three: Lila

Chapter Twenty-Four: Killian

Chapter Twenty-Five: Lila

Chapter Twenty-Six: Killian

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Lila

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Killian

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Lila

Chapter Thirty: Killian

Chapter Thirty-One: Lila

Introduction to The Wrong Girl

Acknowledgements

About This Book

Copyright © McKenna Kerrick

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be

reproduced in any form by any means without the

prior consent of the Publisher, except for brief

quotes used in reviews.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places

and incidents are the product of the author’s

imagination or are used fictitiously, and any

resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead,

events, business establishments, or locales is

entirely coincidental.

For JD. And for the

girls who fell in love with their

best friend.

Chapter One

Lila

I shouldn’t be here. There are rules. Specific

rules that we had set up for a reason because our

friendship needed them. This is what you get for

being best friends with the All-American tight end

at Hanson University.

No, this is what I get for being a girl.

Goodness.

On the other side of the faded blue front

door, a party was raging on. The football team had

won their game, leading them further into their

journey of staying undefeated for the past six years

in a row. We were like De La Salle, except we

weren’t a high school. And we hadn’t cleared their

record. Yet.

I shift on my feet. Our rules usually

consisted of spending weekends apart. Not because

Killian Blane didn’t want to see me, but because I

tended to be a massive vagina-blocker when I

wanted to be. So weekends we tended to do our

own thing, so my manwhore of a best friend could

get laid, and I wouldn’t interrupt that.

Except it’s Saturday night and I’m standing

on the porch in yoga pants and one of Killian’s old

t-shirts he outgrew freshman year. My flip-flops are

sticking to the beer-covered wood and making this

awful suctioning sound.

Before I can continue to procrastinate any

longer, the door gets flung open and several people

spill around me onto the porch. Some stumble down

the front steps into the parking lot where several

cabs are waiting, and some pause to light their

cigarettes.

“Lila?” a deep voice next to me balks.

I wince. It’s not Killian, but one of his

football buddies. “Hey, Ian.” I give a half-hearted

wave in his direction.

“What are you doing here?” Ian frowns.

Okay, so it’s not like it’s common that I

come to find Killian on the weekend. In fact, it’s

usually highly unlikely that I come within ten yards

of the football house unless absolutely necessary.

And maybe this wasn’t necessary in Ian’s mind, but

it was to me.

“Lila,” Ian huffs.

“Sorry,” I wince again. “Is Killian inside?”

“You know he is.”

“Can you get him for me?”

Ian stops to look at me. I know what he’s

looking at. My eyes are rimmed red and there’s

probably still snot under my nose that I gave up on

trying to clean because it just kept flowing. My red

hair was shoved into the most disastrous messy bun

to date. Yeah, I didn’t look good.

“Please?” I whisper, feeling my bottom lip

start to wobble again.

“Shit,” Ian groans before stubbing out his

cigarette. “Wait here.”

His massive body shoves through the

doorway and I let out a relieved breath. Killian will

be here soon. If he’s not up to his neck in boobs

that is. Five minutes pass before my best friend

comes stumbling through the front door and almost

runs me over in his haste.

“Can we make this quick?” Killian’s

southern drawl comes out. He’s not wearing a shirt,

the full display of his body isn’t anything new to

me, and I don’t stop to look either. But his jeans are

unbuttoned and his underwear is showing which

means Ian had to have interrupted him from getting

his hanky panky on.

“Sorry,” I flinch. Because now I feel

ridiculous all over again.

“Lila,” Killian blows out a deep breath and

then freezes. He’s staring at my face, seeing what

Ian saw moments ago. And it’s like watching his

entire body go from flesh to steel as he steps closer

to me and starts wrenching his head every which

direction. “What the hell happened? Are you

okay?” He curses a few times, still looking around

like a threat it going to pop out of nowhere for him

to attack.

“It’s Jared,” I wheeze out. “He dumped

me.”

Killian’s entire frame stills again before he

sags. “You’re joking.”

I’m not sure if he’s mad at Jared or mad at

me for that being the reason he’s not neck deep in

boobs and alcohol. “No,” I shake my head.

“When did this happen?”

“Tonight, at dinner,” I huff. “He’s such an

asshole!”

Killian blinks his green eyes at me. It’s clear

that I’m starting to get looks from people at the

party, wondering what the hell is going on. “Come

on,” he sighs, offering out his meaty hand. “You’re

going to cry again and you’ll hate me for letting you

cry in public.”

“I don’t hate you, I hate him.”

“I can see that, baby doll.”

Killian leads me through the party. People

part for him like he’s Moses parting the sea and

then we’re climbing up the stairs. Ian’s standing at

the landing, giving me a pitying look because holy

hell, I’m pathetic for showing up here.

The game room is empty except for a girl

texting on her phone, sitting down in her jeans and

bra. She looks pretty, but her movements are jerky

like she’s had one too many shots. Her eyes shoot

up when Killian doesn’t close the door and her coy

smile slips from her face when she sees me.

“I’m going to have to pick this up another

time,” Killian sighs.

“Seriously?” the girl gapes. Her eyes slide

over to mine before she snatches up her shirt.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’ll call you,” is Killian’s response.

I wonder if Blondey-McBoobs knows that

he won’t. He’s not known for repeat performances

around campus. And yet the ladies still come and

try. Except me. I’ve known Killian since we were

kids and just the thought of him claiming to have a

“girlfriend” would probably cause me to die of

laughter.

“Alright,” Killian sighs as he flops down

onto the couch. “Tell me about what happened.”

“Jared dumped me.”

“Why did he dump you?”

“He…” I trail off and look over towards

where the large television screen is in the room. I

clear my throat and start again. “He doesn’t love

me anymore.”

“That’s not a reason.”

“It’s his reason,” I frown. “Apparently I’m

just not good enough.” I toss my hands in the air.

“What does that even mean? I’m not good enough

because I don’t like to do body shots with random

people at a bar because STD’s are a thing? I’m

sorry that I like having a clean health bill.”

“So, he cheated on you?”

“Yes,” I sneer. “Multiple times. He brought

his new girl up to me and told me how extremely

awkward it was that he forgot to dump me before

moving on.”

“Dick.”

“Why are guys such assholes?” I demand,

but keep rambling before Killian can say anything.

“Is it really that hard to be monogamous in a

relationship? If you don’t want to be monogamous

then don’t ask someone to be your girlfriend! Why

is that so fucking hard to understand?”

“I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t know,” I growl.

“You’re just as bad as he is!”

“Lila,” Killian’s voice strains. “I get you’re

angry, you have every right to be. And if you want

to lump every male out there in the world into the

same pot for the moment to make yourself feel

better, go for it. But don’t tell me I’m as bad as he

is. I’m up front. I don’t lie or cheat.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I just hate him.”

“I’d be more concerned if you said you

didn’t hate him.”

“Is there something wrong with me?” I wipe

under my nose again.

“No,” Killian stands up and comes over to

me. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the

crown of my head. Something he’s done since he

shot up six inches and towers over me. “There’s

nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect just the

way you are.”

“I want to murder him.”

Killian chuckles. “As appealing as that may

be, law enforcement tends to frown upon those

such things.”

“I hate feeling like this,” I groan and yank

away from him. “I hate being this girl. The girl that

got too caught up in the guy that she couldn’t even

tell when he didn’t want her anymore. And the girl

that cries and ruins her best friend trying to bone

some airhead to feel better.”

“Thanks,” Killian deadpans. He runs his

hand over his short brown hair. He’s one of the few

people on the football team who keep it cropped

close to their heads. I have no idea why, and I don’t

particularly care. But it looks good on him.

“I want to be like you.”

That just earns me a look of complete and

utter fear. “What do you mean you want to be like

me?” he stresses.

“Sleep around. Don’t get attached.” I wave

my hands at his entire body. “Sex on a stick.”

“You think I’m sex on a stick?”

“I think you’re gross,” I frown and stick out

my tongue. Jesus, he’s my best friend. I don’t like

to entertain thoughts of him being sexy. I know he’s

sexy, I’m not blind. I just choose to avert my eyes

and call it a day.

“You’re on a roll tonight,” he mutters.

Killian walks around and scoops up his shirt, pulling

it on and finally buttoning up his jeans. He snags

the worn cowboy boots from off the floor and

shoves his ginormous feet into them. “Come on,

baby doll. You need a fix.”

“I don’t want to drink,” I wrinkle my nose.

“Not that kind of fix,” Killian frowns.

“God, I’m not letting you near anyone in this

fucking house. Let’s get you a milkshake so you

can calm down.”

It’s almost sad how well he knows me. That

milkshakes are my version of eating an entire

carton of Ben and Jerry’s like it’s going out of style.

“Then we can discuss how you are not

going to go around sleeping with people,” Killian

adds as he takes my hand and starts to lead me out

of the game room. “Because I swear to God, if

anyone comes within four feet of you, I’m going to

sucker punch them.”

I shouldn’t poke fun at him. He’s only being

overprotective because of what Jared did. But I

can’t help try and ease my own mood by jabbing

my finger into Ian’s arm as I pass him. “I poked

Ian,” I state firmly. “He was within four feet.”

Killian jerks to a stop, making me collide

into his massive back.

“Hey! Watch it,” I rub at my nose with my

free hand. “Your back is liable to break my face.”

“Whatever the hell it is you two are doing, I

don’t want to know,” Ian tells us, since Killian’s

staring at him. “And don’t give me your angry eyes,

man. She touched me.”

“I know,” my best friend deflates. “Sorry,

dude.”

“No worries,” Ian shrugs before flicking me

in the arm. “Stop trying to rile him up.”

“I wasn’t trying to rile him up,” I defend.

Okay, I might have been a little, but that’s perfectly

okay in my eyes. It’s not like he’s the one having

the terrible night. His penis isn’t going to just fall

off because I interrupted him before sex.

We make our way outside and into Killian’s

pickup. It’s leftover from the farm and even though

he could easily buy something newer, or at least not

on it’s death bed, he still drives the diesel with

pride. Southern boys and their toys.

“I think I’m done crying,” I finally say after

a few minutes of silence. I run my fingers over my

eyes just to double check, and sure enough, there’s

no more water works. “Sorry I interrupted you on

your way to Bone Town.”

“Bone Town?” Killian echoes.

“Your, you know,” I wave at him with my

hand, “that.”

“My what?”

“Your penis,” I hiss out in disgust.

A lopsided grin flashes across his face so I

know he was messing with me. Talking about his

anatomy is pure horror. A cruel and unusual

punishment that I had to endure back in high school

Sex Ed when we had to memorize the opposite

genders sexual organs. My God, I don’t think I’d

ever blushed around Killian as much as I had in that

class.

“I take it back, I do hate you.”

“No you don’t.” He reaches over and kisses

the back of my hand. “You love me.”

“Sometimes.”

“Conditional love is a terrible thing to put

on your best friend,” he chides. “That’s not how it’s

supposed to work. I’m taking you to get a

milkshake after all.” He pauses. “I gave up having

sex tonight to get you a milkshake. That has to

count for something.”

“Fine,” I sigh dramatically. “I love you,

too.”

“Thought so, baby doll,” he grins cheekily.

A moment later, he pulls into the ice cream shoppe

parking lot and shuts off the engine. “You sure

you’re okay?”

“No,” I answer honestly. I don’t know if

I’m okay. Don’t girls usually go through the stages

of grief after a relationship ends? I don’t know

what part feeling suddenly numb is. Probably the

same part that makes you feel emotionally drained,

because I’m definitely at that stage, whatever it is.

“Come on,” Killian hooks his arm around

me as we make our way to the front of the store,

“you’ll feel better in a minute.”

One could only hope.

Chapter Two

Killian

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t party every

weekend. In fact, I hardly even drink during the

season. It messes with my performance too much to

be able to do things properly. Saturday’s win had

been one of the easier trials and tribulations going

into this year.

Not that I would say that out loud with

consequences of jinxing it. But Saturday night my

best friend had needed me. And it’s not like her to

show up at one of the football houses, crying, and

in full-on freak out mode.

No, that wasn’t my Lila.

Sunday she’d been quiet and disappeared

into her apartment across from mine that she shared

with a good friend of hers. I meant to check in, but

all I could see was Lila’s red-rimmed eyes and I

wanted to annihilate this Jared guy.

I’d never been fond of him, but I’d put up

with him for Lila’s sake. It wasn’t a surprise that he

was a dick. But it was a surprise how much I

wanted to kick his ass. Lila’s boyfriends were

always few and far between, always a super-long

relationship that expired way before the end date

actually came. And Lila held onto hope each time.

Not that I could blame her, it seemed to be a

girl thing.

Ian and I were leaning up against the

outside of the art building, trying to look as calm as

possible. We didn’t belong over here and several

people stopped to gape at us. Just because we were

jocks at a school that breathed football like it was a

religious prayer, didn’t mean being the center of

attention was always wanted.

Our target steps out of the Fine Arts

building, his buddies joking around with him until

Ian and I step in his way. Jared audibly swallows

tightly, and I can see the weasel wheels spinning in

his head as he wants to run quick and far.

“Jared,” I say casually, and step forward

until I’m almost touching him. I glare down my

nose, using my six foot four height to my advantage

as I make him squirm. “Seems you had a rough

Saturday night.”

Not one of them speaks.

“Let’s take a walk,” I grin forcibly, slinging

my arm tightly around Jared’s neck and lead him

towards the parking lot.

“Ah-ah,” I hear Ian behind me. “I think

they can take a walk by themselves. Scram.”

“Listen, man, I don’t know what Lila said

to you,” Jared winces when I tighten my grip at

Lila’s name. “But she’s probably being over-

dramatic about it.”

Lila gets over-dramatic about a few things:

art, for one since it’s her major, the type of toppings

acceptable to put on top of ice cream, and the fact

that Western movies were the greatest thing of all

time.

Beyond that, Lila doesn’t get over-dramatic

like some girls do. She tends to freak out then

realize she needs to rein it in. But there definitely

wasn’t any overly dramatic outbursts from her that

night.

“Right,” I frown. “Try that again.”

“Look,” Jared swallows again, “I didn’t

mean to lead her on.”

“You’re not helping yourself any.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

What I want him to say? I don’t think

there’s anything he can say right now that’s going

to make me feel any better to be able to help Lila

feel better. Oh no, I brought him over here for one

reason only.

“Look,” Jared starts again, but I cut him off.

“You’re going to stay as far away from Lila

as you can get, understand me?” I glare. “You have

a class with her, you leave it. Flunk it, move to a

new class, I don’t care what you do. But if I find

out that you’re within breathing distance of her, I

will end you. Understand me?”

“Yes,” Jared bobs his head and I shove him

away from me.

There. I got that out and turn on my heel to

walk away from him. But can the stupid idiot just

keep his damn mouth closed? No, he had to go and

open it.

“She’s a lousy bitch when she wants to be

anyways,” Jared calls after me.

I stop in my tracks, spin on my heel and

don’t regret the satisfying crunch his face makes

when I punch him.

“You’re bleeding,” Ian tells me for the fifth

time since we entered the locker room after

practice.

“I know that,” I respond.

“You were bleeding before we got here,”

Ian points out and sits next to me on the bench.

“Did you hit him?”

“Why? Are you going to rat me out to

coach?”

“No,” Ian sighs. “I’m not going to rat you

out to coach. Just wanted to make sure your hand

was okay.”

“It’s fine.”

“Let me look at it.”

I sigh and shove my hand into Ian’s chest.

He’s scarred up his knuckles so bad from fights in

high school that he’s the one we all go to when we

get into scraps off the field.

“You’re going to need to wash it out and

wrap it, but it’s not going to kill you.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I joke.

There’s a moment of silence when the

locker room door opens. I crane my neck to see if

coach is going to deliver another speech after he

just got finished giving us one. But it’s not coach’s

head I see come flying around the corner of the

locker room, but Lila’s.

“There’s a chick!” someone hollers, and all

of a sudden it’s a fucking rampage in here. Guys

are quickly covering up or moving to places where

they can’t be seen.

Not that Lila cares for any of that because

her eyes are locked on the bench that I’m sitting

on, an angry frown marring her face as she stomps

towards me. “You!” she points angrily.

“What did I do?” I frown.

“Why did you have to hit him?” Lila

growls. “He’s going around telling people that I had

you beat him up for dumping me!”

“Good,” I answer bluntly.

“That’s not good, Killian!” she yells.

I’m not seeing how it’s not a good thing.

But the fact she felt the need to storm into the

locker room to yell at me tells me that it probably,

actually, is a big thing. “Well, I’m not going to

apologize for it.” Not after the name he called her.

“The whole art department is talking about

protesting the football game,” she continues on, like

she didn’t hear a word I just said. “Do you know

how much shit I’ve had to deal with the past few

hours? Why didn’t you leave him alone?” Now she

just sounds hurt, which doesn’t bode well with me.

“Sorry,” I offer out. “I didn’t mean to make

your life hard.” And it’s true. The football team is a

big deal and those associated with us tend to lean

into the popular crowd. Except Lila, she sticks to

her little mismatched group of friends and doesn’t

stick around long enough when people start

crowding around me. If she could be a hermit, I

think she’d be one.

“I just,” she stops talking and lets out an

angry breath, her whole body deflating with the

move. She starts over saying, “I just want this

nightmare to end.”

“He’s not worth it.”

“You’re not in the same building as him all

day, or get the new girlfriend thrown in your face

all day long,” she huffs. “So no, he may not be

worth it, but it’s not like I can exactly escape him.”

She stands taller, her face less red and angry as her

grey eyes become clear. “I want to be like you.”

“Be a guy?” is Ian’s idiotic segue into our

little conversation.

“No,” Lila rolls her eyes. “I want to do

what he does.”

“Play football?” Ian frowns. “I hate to

break it to you, but we aren’t exactly a co-ed

team.”

“I want to sleep around,” Lila enunciates

each word out to Ian.

“Uh-uh, no way,” I say and stand up.

“That’s not happening.” I glare down at her but she

just glares back. Stubborn woman. “We already

talked about this and there’s no way that I’m going

to let that happen.”

“You don’t get a say,” Lila frowns.

“What the hell is going on in here?” I hear

coach’s voice as he rounds the corner. He pauses

only for a millisecond when he sees Lila before

folding his bulging arms across his chest. “There

are to be no females in the locker room.”

“I know,” Lila bobs her head. She doesn’t

look scared of our head coach, which is new

because almost everyone is scared of the ginormous

retired lineman from the NFL. “I had to yell at

Killian.”

Coach Stephen’s stands there, his bald face

showing no sign of believing her but his shrewd

gaze sweeps my way. “This true?”

“Tore me a new one, Coach,” I wince.

Lila looks awful pleased with my remark

and gives my shoulder an awkward pat. “Okay,

well go hit someone or whatever it is you do.”

“I catch and throw the ball,” I roll my eyes.

“Well then go do that and stop intimidating

people because they pissed you off,” Lila says

flippantly as she pats Coach’s shoulder too as she

walks by and out of the locker room.

No one breathes for a moment. It’s like if

we move an inch that Coach will annihilate us all at

tomorrow's practice in a moment. Not that I can

blame him. How Lila got back here is beyond me,

but the fact that she came out swinging probably

lessened the punishment I would receive for her

being back here.

“Girlfriend?” Coach finally asks me.

“No, sir,” I shake my head. “Best friend.”

He stares at me for a moment before

glancing down at my swollen hand, then back up to

my face. “Sure looked more like a lovers quarrel.

Keep her out of the locker room, y’hear me, boy?”

“Yes, sir,” I nod my head.

Coach bobs his head and turns around to

head back towards his office just outside the locker

room.

As soon as the door shuts behind him,

everyone is in motion again to clean up after

practice just ended. At least no one’s talking about

Lila that I can hear.

“So,” Ian pauses, “that was interesting.”

“I don't get why she's so mad I decked the

guy.”

Ian stares at me for a heartbeat. “Just

because they broke up doesn't mean she's going to

automatically move on in a few days notice. So you

hitting him and him going around spreading some

bullshit just means he's in her life longer.”

Now it's my turn to eye Ian. “And how did

you come to that conclusion?”

“I have a little sister,” he sighs. “And I've

been where you've been. Apparently they don't

want us to fix anything.” At that, he rolls his eyes.

“They just want to complain to someone and then

be done with it.”

“Oh.” I rub the back of my neck and wince.

Every time someone said something I didn't like

about Lila, I tended to hit them first and think

about the consequences later. It never occurred to

me that I wasn't supposed to fix it.

What kind of best friend just lets someone

get away with being an asshole?

“So am I supposed to just let her go have

sex with anyone she meets?” I frown. Because like

hell am I ever going to let that happen.

“I don't want to get involved.”

“You're already involved,” I point a finger

at him. “She's going to drive me insane and I need

you to not let that happen.”

“Bro,” Ian huffs, “she's already driven you

insane.”

“Then help me out here.”

He stares at me for a few long moments.

“Why can't she sleep around?”

“Because she's not like that.”

“Okay, so can she date around?”

My entire body freezes. “What's that

supposed to mean? You want to date her?”

It takes me a moment to clear my head of

anger to realize that Ian's standing in front of me

laughing his ass off.

“Dude,” I glare.

“Sorry,” he chuckles. “No. I don't want to

date her. She's practically my little sister. I was just

meaning, let her get on one of those dating websites

to meet people.” He clears his throat. “Or there's

this once a week dating thing the dining hall does

where they pair you up randomly and you dinner

date with them.”

“So speed dating?” I frown.

“Nah,” Ian shakes his head. “You sign up

and they put your name in a bowl. They draw two

names and then you eat a meal together for thirty

minutes and see if you click or not.”

Now I'm just staring at him like he's lost his

mind. “How do you even know about this?”

“My little sister is a freshman here,” Ian

frowns. “She decided to try it and like hell was I

going to let her go out with some stranger without

keeping an eye on her.”

I'm beginning to think that Ian might be just

as overprotective as I am.

“But anyways, it's safer since it's on campus

in a crowded place versus online. And it's not

picking up some sleazy douchebag from the bar.”

Safer option is always best when it comes to

Lila. “Cool,” I nod my head. “I'll tell her about it.

Maybe then she'll put to rest this whole wanting to

be like me thing.”

“Pretty funny she wants to whore herself

out since it's completely not who she is,” Ian shakes

his head. “I get you like to sleep around, but I'm

suddenly struck by that saying that friends

influence each other.”

“So?”

“So,” Ian laughs. “Her wanting to go out

and bang random guys is really your fault.”

I throw one of my dirty gym socks at him as

he laughs on his way out of the locker room. Could

my whoring around really seem that appealing to

Lila?

Maybe if she thought I wanted to get

serious with someone it would backtrack her

thinking of doing the same.

I mean, after all, I don't even have to go out

with these girls. Just show up with Lila until she

meets someone she clicks with then go back to my

monogamous-free lifestyle.

Easy right? I've got this in the bag.

Chapter Three

Lila

Okay. I can see Killian’s mouth moving, but

nothing he's saying is registering with me.

He wants me to go out and speed date, but

not speed date. So he can speed date? Yeah, I'm not

following any of this.

“Sorry,” I wince as I look around

uncomfortably. “I don't think I'm following you.”

“You said you want to be like me,” Killian

says. “Well I want to try this dining dating thing

they do at the Union.”

“Okay, but that's not what I want to do.”

“Lila,” he growls. “This is already taking a

toll on me as it is. Can't you just try it out so I can

keep some of the sanity I have left?”

“But what about you?”

“I'll try it, too,” he shrugs. “It can't be that

bad.”

“Do you think you'll find anyone you like

enough to date?” I ponder.

Killian hesitates for a few minutes before

replying. “I honestly have no idea. I'm not not

opened to the idea of a girlfriend. I've just never

met someone who brought out the concept of

wanting a girlfriend in me before.”

“You're seriously going to make me do this,

and in return, yourself do this so I don't go out and

sleep with some dude?”

“Yes. You're not a hooking up kind of girl,

Lila.”

“And you're very anti-relationship, Killian.”

He throws a potato chip from the bag sitting

in between us at my head. Which is his common

reflex for when I annoy him during our standard

Wednesday movie nights.

Sometimes we play television shows,

movies or sometimes we just attempt to play a

video game. And by we, I mean Killian. I have

absolutely no idea how to play and have the

reflexes of a sloth.

“You're going to drive me crazy and then,

when I can't play for the NFL and have to work the

farm, my mom is going to be so pissed at you for

squandering my talent,” he points a finger at me.

“Your mom loves me.”

“My mom only loves you because you're

not currently squandering my talent.”

He's so full of horse shit. His mom loves me

to pieces and always has. We've been neighbors for

years and I think I satisfy the need for her to have a

daughter without going through the process of

having a baby. Just like for my family, my parents

love Killian like he's one of their own.

I suppose it's one of the perks of having him

as a best friend, double the parents and fun of

holiday shared meals. Who would argue with that

set up?

“It's tomorrow night,” Killian explains.

“What is?”

“Jesus, woman. The dining hall date night

thing,” he twirls his hand like it's supposed to make

sense that that's what he was referring to. “So I'm

thinking of getting there early to scope it out.”

“Be real with me for a second, are you

going just to keep an eye on me?”

“Of course.”

It really shouldn't surprise me that he

becomes overprotective when I go through a break

up. Not that I expect him to let me wallow. And it

was nice of him to find a way for me to date

without having to go to a bar and find a rebound.

And at the same time, he's doing it so I don't

have to live with the consequences of trying my

first one-night-stand. I can't completely blame him

for being worried about me, now can I?

“I just can't see you dating girls,” I shrug.

Though it ought to be hilarious to see.

“I'm attracted to females.”

It's my turn to flick a chip at him. “That's

not what I meant.”

“I know,” he gives me a cheesy grin. “So

tell me what you're looking for in a guy.”

“Seriously?” I sputter. He's got to be joking.

I don't think in the years I've known him that he's

ever asked me something like that.

“How else am I supposed to deem them

okay to date?” Killian frowns.

“By letting me decide?”

“Okay,” he motions with his hand to go on,

“and also what?”

“Fine,” I sigh dramatically. “Someone who

likes art, you know, because of my major.”

“Obviously,” he deadpans.

“And maybe someone nice.”

Killian snorts but I ignore it.

“Someone who makes me laugh,” I grin.

“He's got to have a good personality and is funny. I

think people overlook humor as a good trait and

then find later on they've found they missed out,

and I don't want to overlook that.”

“Wow, this was a longer list than I thought it

would be,” Killian sighs.

I narrow my eyes at him. “What did you

expect me to say?”

“I don't know. Hot body, super attractive,

insert something or other about that nerd-jock that

girls always go on and on about wanting.”

“Looks shouldn't matter.”

“Just because they shouldn't doesn't mean

they don't play a part in liking someone.”

“I like to think I'm above that.”

Killian blinks at me. “Okay, you probably

are better than that. But it's going to come to

whether you're attracted to them or not and their

looks will definitely play into that. You can like

someone unattractive to you, but it won't go very

far.”

“Unless I was blind,” I say.

“Except you're not.”

Well, he got me there. And while selfish and

judgemental as it might be, it would be good to be

physically attracted to their entire self and not just

their personality.

“Okay,” I answer slowly, “I guess I see

where you're coming from.”

“Thank you,” Killian tips the beer bottle in

his hand at me before taking a drink. “I love being

right.”

“I didn't say that you were right, though.”

“Doesn't matter, you were close enough to

saying I was.”

My God, I want to hit him. “No, I didn't.”

“Take it, Lila.”

“I don't have to take it because I didn't even

say it.”

“Are you going to be this difficult tomorrow

night?” Killian sighs.

“I'm not being difficult.”

“You're being a little difficult.”

Oh. My. God. “This is why you can't have a

girlfriend,” I tell him. “You would drive someone

else insane and then you would have two insane

girls in your life. And I can barely handle the level

of insane you make me.”

Killian gives me an odd look. Maybe my

rambling only solidified how insane I am. I should

probably work on that before tomorrow night

comes.

“What about you?” I demand.

“What about me?”

“What are you looking for in a girl?”

“Uh,” he pauses. “I have no idea.”

“Come on, you have to have some idea.”

“I guess someone who doesn't care,” Killian

shrugs.

That makes me frown. “You mean not care

about you?”

“No, I mean care about my name. Everyone

knows I'm headed towards the NFL after

graduation, so a lot of people want to be associated

with my name. No one would care about me if I

were to break my leg and do limpy farmwork the

rest of my life.”

“Well, for one, I would care,” I shrug and

poke my foot into his thigh since my feet are

propped up on his couch.

“You're different.”

“Because we're best friends?”

“I guess,” Killian grumbles.

I frown at him and lean forward on my side

of the couch. “What's wrong?”

“I just realized that you're probably the only

one who wouldn't care,” he sighs.

“That's not true. You have friends who care

about you. And Ian. He cares about you and

wouldn't care if you didn't get drafted.”

“The majority of guys on the team get

drafted, so it's only a matter of when. And then

we'd be in two completely separate worlds if I get

hurt and could no longer play. Like I said, it's pretty

much just you.”

“Just me?” I squeak. I guess it never

occurred to me that people might only hang out

with him to boost themselves. All the attention our

football team gets, it shouldn't surprise me, and it's

been one of the reasons I try and stay in the

shadows. But I still would have thought he had

better friends than that.

“Just you.”

“Well, maybe you'll find someone else who

won't care who you are.”

Killian gives me a look that pretty much

says he doesn't believe me. Oh, well. Maybe it'll

work out for him in the end.

“So what else about a girl?” I ask.

“Again?” he blows out a breath and tilts his

head back against the couch. “I guess someone

cool who will go do stuff with me. Definitely

someone who won't talk football with me, at least

not every day. I love football, it's why I play, but it's

not me.”

“You're much more than football,” I agree.

“You're a pain in the ass sometimes, but I've come

to just accept that as part of your charm.”

“Thanks,” he deadpans.

“You'll just have to pick better than the

boobs girl.”

“Boobs girl?” he questions.

“You know,” I roll my hand in explanation

but he still doesn't get it. I sigh, “The girl I

interrupted you with last weekend.”

Killian blinks at me and wrinkles his brows.

“What girl?” He stops for another moment to think,

“Oh, that girl.”

Wow, he forgot about her pretty quickly.

“That's just a way to relax.”

“Relax?” I snort. “That's not exactly what I

was going to call it.”

“Well,” he gives me a cheeky grin, “maybe

a bit more than just relaxing. But yeah, definitely

not a good idea to pick girls like her if I want to be

serious. Or at least attempt to be serious.”

“I bet if you really wanted to then you

could find one,” I snicker. “There has to be at least

one girl in this world that doesn't care about who

you are, besides me.”

“I'm suddenly feeling like you think I'm not

going be able to find anyone.”

“I think your manwhoring is going to make

things difficult to find someone to look past that

little aspect of your life.”

“Really?” Killian frowns. “I don't see why it

would matter.”

“Believe it or not, some girls don't like the

thought of so many girls knowing about their

man's,” I gesture toward his nether regions, “bits.”

“So my penis is going to be a turn off?”

Killian laughs. “That's definitely going to be a new

one. I thought girls liked guys with a little

experience.”

“Not that much.”

Killian narrows his eyes at me. “Are you

saying if you met some guy that slept around, and

you really liked him, you'd let how he was

previously living his life impact your view of him?”

“I mean, it would make me question if I was

enough to keep him interested, I guess. Because

he's been with so many people.”

“That's dumb,” Killian scoffs. “No guy is

going to think that, no matter how many people he's

slept with.”

“Doesn't matter, it's something that I would

constantly wonder about.”

Killian grips a hold of my ankles that are

laying by his thigh. “Listen to me right now, Lila.

No guy, for a second, would think that you aren't up

to par. You're so far beyond what he's probably

been with, that he's going to be the one who doesn't

know what hit him. No one else will cross his mind.

It'll just be you and only you.”

“Okay,” I mumble meekly.

“I'm serious. But the probability of you

meeting someone who's slept around at one of these

things is going to be pretty rare, so I wouldn't even

worry about it.”

“If you say so.”

“You're killing my good vibe over here,”

Killian let's out a deep sigh. “Let's talk about

something else.”

“Like what?”

Killian looks back at the television we've

been neglecting and picks up the remote. “Like

what terrible movie I'm going to let you pick to

watch because you've bummed me the hell out with

all your nervousness.”

“Thanks,” I reach over and snatch the

remote from him. “Finally, we can watch a chick

flick without all your moaning and groaning.”

Killian levels me with his best stink eye.

“Whatever.”

Happily, I stick my tongue out at him and

find the first Disney movie I come across. Tangled

is basically a chick flick to guys, right?

Chapter Four

Killian

Maybe I should stop getting advice from

Ian.

There's a fucking line of girls here. Lila is

leaning next to me, hunched down in her seat, so

I'm not even sure if she's noticed how many girls

rushed over to drop their names into the female

bowl at the wait stand when they saw me.

“I think I'm actually going to win,” Lila

chirps happily next to me without looking up.

I have to bend down to see what the hell

she's talking about. Apparently she's taken the

opportunity to play Angry Birds instead of scoping

out a potential guy. Figures, it's exactly something

Lila would do.

“Oh, look!” She looks up and shoves her

phone towards my face. Several girls waiting across

from us are giving her their best evil eye looks, but

Lila’s only focused on me.

“Wow,” I bob my head. “You actually

managed to get a high score.”

“I know,” she grins. Her eyes flicker around

the room and she frowns a little. Dining date nights

attract a lot of people it would seem. Her hand

clenches on my forearm tightly. “Maybe we

shouldn't do this.”

“It's the safest option and I'm not letting you

go to a bar.”

“But there's like,” she cranes her neck to

look on the other side of me, “fifty people here.”

“So one of them has to be interesting

enough for you,” I shrug.

“Is this how it always is?” Lila frowns. “Are

girls always staring at you?”

“Pretty much. I can be pretty oblivious to it

for the most part.”

“Does it bother you?”

Up until this year, it hadn't really bothered

me all that much. People used me and I used

people. Fair trade and all that. But for some reason,

this year the act was getting old. And it was tiring

me out to have to pretend to give two shits about

people who couldn't even tell you my favorite food.

“Sorry, that was a dumb question. Of course

you don't mind it.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “What makes you

think that?”

“Um, you're used to living in the spotlight.”

She gives me her best Duh, you idiot expression.

“I guess it's just not all it's cracked up to be

anymore.”

“Ah, now it makes sense.” She glances at

the girls across from us again. They're wearing the

type of outfits you'd find at a fraternity party on

Greek Row. But Lila is in a t-shirt and shorts, and

although it's a dressy top, she doesn't look

overdone. Definitely nothing like the girls in front

of us.

“What makes sense?”

“Why you said you wanted someone who

didn't care,” she sighs. “I guess if it was getting old

it would be nice to have someone real and not

fake.”

I go to answer her but someone clears their

throat as a faculty member steps forward. He's got

on a bow tie and tweed pants that went out of style

about forty years ago.

“Hello there, welcome new faces and old,”

he begins. A few minutes fly by as he explains the

rules. It'll be a 30 minute dinner. Discuss whatever

you want but be polite, and you're to remain with

your date for 30 minutes as per the rules. If you

don't click, then simply go your separate ways at

the end.

And so on and so forth.

He dips his hand into the male bowl and

pulls out a name before going to the female bowl

and paring two people up. It's the most simplistic,

yet dramatic thing I've ever seen.

“Do you think it's too late to back out?”

Lila whispers to me.

I give her shoulder an affectionate squeeze

and smile softly at her. “You'll do great, you know.

Nothing bad will happen. I'll be right in there to see

you if you need anything. If it comes down that you

can't take it and the guys being an asshole then just

leave. Just because it's polite to sit there doesn't

mean you have to take someone else's shit, okay?”

“Okay,” she lets out a deep breath. “I think

I needed to hear that.”

A second later her name is called following

some guy named Bradley. I hate that name. I don't

even have a reason as to why I hate it, but seeing

his eyes light up when they land on Lila make my

blood begin to boil.

It takes a few more minutes before my

name is pulled out of the bowl. Followed by a girl

named Sasha, who shrieks in the back of the room

before dashing towards me. All I see is a dark head

of hair before her arm hooks around mine and

begins to drag me towards an empty table.

“Oh my God,” she wheezes. “You're the

Killian Blane.”

Damn, I knew there was a high chance that

this could happen but I'd still been holding out hope

that it wouldn't. “Yup.”

“You're, like, the best football player ever.”

I give her a tight-lipped smile because it's

the best I can do right now. So much for finding

someone who doesn't care.

As pizza and salads arrive, I take the

opportunity to glance around towards Lila, but I

can't see her in the sea of people.

“So,” I clear my throat, “what made you try

out the dining date night?”

“I saw you.”

“Excuse me?” I frown. She can't be serious.

“Well, duh. You were over here wanting to

take someone out so I came over.” She looks awful

proud of herself in her tiny dress and chunky heels.

Okay, so she was serious. “Uh, thanks.”

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

“So, why are you here?”

“I thought I'd give it a shot.”

“Who was that girl that you came here

with?”

I stare at this girl for a moment. Her long

black hair has purple streaks in it, and dark brown

eyes. She'd be gorgeous if she dropped the whole

celebrity-struck look and ditzy behavior. But right

now, she's doing nothing to gain my interest.

“I mean it's cool if you don't even know

her,” Sasha shrugs. “She was just hanging on you

like a monkey, but everyone knows you don't date.

Obviously she tried to get a table with you.”

It always surprised me when people had no

idea who Lila was. We didn't hide our friendship

from anyone, but she hardly saw me during the

daytime to eat or talk with. “She's my friend.”

“Oh.”

“My best friend, actually.” I lean back in

my chair and feel the anger surge forward. “She

wasn't clinging to me like a monkey, she was

showing me something on her phone. She's here on

her own date. If Lila and I wanted to grab pizza, we

would have gone there instead. But we came here

to meet people.”

“I'm sorry,” Sasha winces. “I just didn't

know.”

“Yet you made a pretty fast assumption

about someone you don't know.” I feel like an

asshole for defending Lila when this girl didn't

know any better. It's not like these girls are that

invested in my life to realize I might have a female

friend, though. So it lessens the guilt of feeling

shitty.

“This isn't going to go anywhere is it?”

Sasha sighs.

“Probably not.”

She picks at her salad with her fork,

completely ignoring the slice of pizza. I bet Lila

would eat an entire pizza before realizing most girls

didn't do that on a first date. Or she'd talk with her

mouth full before remembering her manners.

“It was nice meeting you,” I halfass say to

Sasha as she collects her purse and leaves.

Guess I won't be seeing her again.

About five minutes pass before a bell is

rung that is supposed to signify the end of date

night. Several people gather up their things and chat

on their way out of the secluded area in the Union.

Lila comes up by me, the guy named

Bradley standing behind her with a hopeful look on

his face. I hope it's for her and not for me.

On second thought, I hope it's not for

neither of those options.

“Hey,” Lila grins and glances around the

table. “Uh, didn't you have a date?”

“Didn't click.”

“That sucks, man,” Bradley frowns slightly.

“Sometimes these things work and sometimes they

don't.”

“This is Brad,” Lila smiles at me. “He's

going to take me out for ice cream.”

Ice cream.

I straighten to my full height and stare at the

guy. I can still feel the raw skin on my knuckles

healing from Monday's encounter with Jared. “That

so?”

“Lila said she better tell you so that you

don't think some serial murderer took her,” Brad

explains, like that makes me think he's not a serial

murderer. “You're welcome to come with if Lila

really needs a chaperone.”

Even I can hear the sarcastic blow from the

solid five inches I have on this guy. “You have

everything you need?” I ask Lila.

“Yes,” she bobs her head and I can tell this

Bradley dude has won her over. Great.

“Sure. Text me when you're there and when

you get home, okay?” I tell her. She nods her head

again but I pull her to me and give her a hug,

plastering a kiss to the top of her forehead and

rubbing her back a little.

“I'll be fine,” she whispers into my chest.

I'm sure she will be, but I'm not so sure that

I’m going to be.

They head off and I resist the urge to follow

them to the ice cream place. Instead, I head for the

gym, changing into my workout clothes I keep

stashed in my locker for such occasions.

Usually when my mind is in a bind like it is

tonight, I run to get rid of excess stress and

adrenaline. And low-and-behold, Ian is sitting with

our teammate Alex, who plays quarterback, on one

of the benches beside the indoor track.

“What the hell are you two doing?” I ask as

I approach. “This is a gym, not a gossip place like

Starbucks.”

“They have good coffee,” Alex shrugs.

“What're you doing here?”

“Came for a run.” I flop down onto the

bench next to them and stretch out my legs.

“Did you do the date night at the Union?”

Ian asks.

“Yup,” I grunt.

“I take it that it didn't go well?” Ian asks.

“I met a girl,” I sigh. “Sasha was very

worried about who Lila was. And I might've been

an asshole defending Lila.”

“Shocker,” Alex snorts while Ian smacks his

arm for him to quit laughing. “You always defend

Lila.”

“So?” I frown.

“Tell me about Lila’s night,” Ian redirects.

“Did she find anyone?”

“Bradley,” I spit out his name. “Some guy

taking her out for ice cream.”

“Ice cream?” Ian echoes. “Wow, but that's

your thing to do with her.”

I want to beat my chest like a caveman and

scream I fucking know that, but I just glare at both

of them instead.

“What's the big deal? At least she's not still

crying about what's-his-face,” Alex shrugs. “And as

long as this Bradley guy makes her happy, what do

you care?”

“I don't,” I snap.

Ian and Alex share a look.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little unreasonable

when it comes to Lila. But I can't stand these guys

she goes for. They're always leading her on and

breaking her heart. And that's unacceptable.

“What if it were your sister?” I ask Ian.

“Big difference,” Ian shrugs.

That causes me to scoff. “How is there a big

difference?”

“Because I actually have a sister,” Ian says

calmly. “And you don't. You can pretend all you

want that Lila’s a sister to you, but she's not. She's

your attractive friend you're overprotective of

because of how her attractiveness drags

douchebags towards her.”

I was really going to need him to quit calling

Lila attractive like it was an obvious thing every

red-blooded male was aware of.

“You're aware she's hot, right?” Ian squints

at me.

“Nah,” Alex says before I can think of

something to say. “He's totally friend-zoned her. I

doubt he's even aware she has boobs.”

“I'm aware,” I clear my throat. “I'm not an

idiot.”

“So why haven't you ever made a pass at

her?” Ian asks and leans forward to look at me

better. “I mean, if you're aware of how hot she is.”

“I just don't think of Lila that way, alright?”

I glare at him. “And you shouldn't either.”

“She's not my sister, literally or

figuratively,” Ian snorts. “And everyone with half a

brain knows not to go anywhere near her because

of how overprotective you are.”

“I think you mean jealous,” Alex butts in.

“He notices she's got boobs and she's hot, doesn't

give two shits if he plays football or what he wants

to be when he's old and senile. But wait,” Alex

mocks, “no one can touch Lila without Killian’s

never been given approval. Tell me how that works

if it's not you being jealous?” He folds his arms

across his chest and leans back while staring at me.

Heat on the back of my neck scorches me.

It feels like it's suddenly turned a million degrees in

here and I don't know why.

“You're all being assholes,” I tell them, but

even I can hear the weakness in my voice.

“It's okay if you have a crush on her,” Ian

shrugs. “No one would fault you for it.”

“I don't have a crush on Lila.”

Alex looks like he's not trying to bust a lung

by holding in his laughter as he wheezes out, “Sure

you don't.”

“I'm serious.”

“Okay,” Ian gestures with his hands for me

to calm the hell down. “You don't have a crush on

Lila. So for God’s sake, just let her date someone

without getting your panties in a wad over it.”

“He's not good enough for her,” I growl.

Ian levels me with a cold look. “And you

are?”

“Hell no,” I frown, remembering her

rambles of finding a manwhore. “But at least I

know that I'm not good enough.”

Alex give me a funny look.

“What?” I snap.

“Seems to me,” the quarterback hums, “that

you're the only one good enough.”

Alex and Ian high-five like two middle

school girls while I stand up to start running. I

shouldn't have come over to chit-chat before I

workout. Now I'm even more pumped than when I

came in.

Last time I ever listen to Ian's advice.

Chapter Five

Lila

I stare across the room in a bit of a daze. If

anything, I'm trying to sort out how I felt about last

night's dining date encounter.

My roommate, Nina, is sitting across from

me and waiting for me to offer up details. The only

café on campus makes for a good study place,

except my concentration has been shot to hell it

seems.

“So I ate, we talked about what we do on

campus,” I finally exhale. “He was really nice and

sweet. I made a joke about being hungry for ice

cream and he suggested we go.”

Nina rolls a lock of brown hair around one

of her fingers. “So, what you're saying is, he took

you out for ice cream?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“And it was good,” I frown.

“Then why do you look like someone stole

your puppy?”

“I don't have a puppy.”

“Doesn't matter,” Nina rolls her green eyes.

“You understood what I meant. So spill.”

“I don't know. I stopped to tell Killian we

were leaving because I didn't want him to worry, I

even said we were going for ice cream and he still

looked like he wanted to murder Brad.”

“So Killian doesn't approve?”

“When does he ever approve, Nina?”

She leans back in her seat and shrugs her

shoulders. “You've got me there. I have no idea.

Maybe he's got some, like, guy radar that just lets

him know ahead of time if some guy is going to be

wasted space.”

“That would be nice,” I sigh. “I just don't

know. And then Brad kissed me last night.”

My roommate shimmies her shoulders and

wags her perfect eyebrows. “Was it good? Like Va-

Va-Va-Voom good?”

“Uh,” I wince, “not exactly. Have you ever,

um, had someone concentrating so hard on their

tongue they don't even realize they're licking your

chin?”

Nina stares at me for a heartbeat before

banging her fist on the table as she shakes with

laughter. “Oh my God, tell me you're joking.”

“I wish.”

“So he seriously just had a full-on make out

session with your chin instead of you?”

“Pretty much.” I groan as I shut my eyes

briefly. “I liked him, though. Up until the kissing

started. I really did like him.”

“Maybe no one's ever corrected him on the

proper place to put his tongue,” she wiggles her

eyebrows again. “Maybe you should teach him.”

“Maybe,” I concede. “I just wish Killian

would stop popping up and being so

overprotective.”

“Doubt that's ever going to happen.”

True, but a girl can dream can't she?

“So what happened with Killian anyways?

How was his date?”

“I don't think he liked her. She wasn't even

there when I came over. Guess she got a little

distracted by him being a football player.”

“You don't say?” Nina rolls her eyes.

“Everyone wants a piece of him.”

“You don't.”

“I have a boyfriend,” Nina shrugs. “Besides

I don't even know Killian. I've only met him a

handful of times and yeah, he's polite to me, but he

doesn't go out of his way to be my friend like he

does to you.”

“It's just because we've known each other

so long. I was kind of hoping he'd meet someone

last night.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

Nina taps her fingers on the table. “I don't

know, I guess I was under the impression that he

was perfectly content doing what he's doing. That

the only female he'd forever keep by his side would

be you.”

“That's ridiculous. He'll meet someone

eventually.”

“And then what? Your friendship takes a

backseat to his new relationship?” Nina scoffs. “No

way. No girl will live up to you.”

“But I'm not even his type,” I roll my eyes.

“No one needs to act like I’m competition.”

She stares at me for a long moment. “You're

competition for his focus. He'll always stop what

he's doing for you. Just like you would do for him.”

Well, when she phrases it like that, she's not

wrong.

“It's weird he didn't try and pick her up.”

“Killian says he wants someone who doesn't

care who he is though,” I repeat. “So why would he

pick her up?”

“If you really think he wants someone who

doesn't care who he is then why isn't he trying to

date you?” Nina sighs. “That's all I'm saying. I've

got to get to going, it's fifteen until classes start this

morning. I'll catch up with you later.”

She waves goodbye to me as she disappears

out the door and towards the opposite side of

campus that I'm usually on.

Throwing away my trash, I place my large

sketchbook under my arm and make my way

towards the Fine Arts building.

It's round and on the inside is divided so

that the entire right side consists of nothing but

music while the left side is solely for artists. There's

classrooms on the main and second floor, while the

basement has studios for the upperclassmen.

“Hey,” a voice chirps behind me as I start

for the grand staircase to go down.

“Agh!” I yelp and spin around, dropping my

sketchbook as my heart takes off beating a mile a

minute.

“Sorry,” Brad flushes. “Didn't mean to

startle you.”

“It's alright,” I mumble as I scoop up my

drawing pad. “What are you doing here?”

“I have music theory in an hour,” he gives

me a funny look. “I guess it slipped my mind last

night that we'd be in the same building today.”

Right, because he was a choir major. “That's

fine. Having a good morning?”

“I am now,” he grins and a dimple appears

by the side of his mouth. He falls in step with me

and grins down as we head towards the basement.

“How about your morning?”

“I had coffee with my roommate before

classes started,” I shrug. “So pretty good I guess.”

We come to a little studio that's been

deemed mine for the semester and I drop my stuff

on my little work desk. It's mostly just similar to a

flea market set up, there's three walls and an open

slot for others to walk by and see what you're

working on.

“Well, this is me.”

“You did all of this?” Brad whistles.

“Impressive.” As we walk around to look at my

different pieces of artwork, I take a moment to

study him.

Brad has blond hair, a slightly tan

complexion and baby blue eyes that look almost

like sea water. He's not very tall or built, but he has

a nice smile and is polite.

“It's really cool, Lila.” He turns to look at

me and spots what I'm guessing is my board full of

pictures of family and friends on my desk. He taps

on a picture of Killian and me when he won his first

game here at Hanson University. “Guess you two

go way back then.”

“We've known each other since we were

little,” I nod. “He's my best friend.”

“So you've never been with him?”

I don't know why him asking that causes

knots to form in my stomach like lead. He's not the

first person to ask that. “No, I've never been with

him. Like I said, we're best friends.”

“Sorry, it's just odd, you know? Killian

Blane usually has girls going out of their way to get

to him. I wasn't really sure what his deal was last

night so I assumed. Sorry about that.”

“He's just overprotective is all.”

“Of the only female friend he has? I can see

why.”

Of course he could but I couldn't.

“Your artwork is pretty neat.” He tilts his

head to the side as he looks at me. “So I guess

you're used to hanging around the popular crowd,

huh?”

“Not really. I mean I know a couple of

players, but I don't exactly thrive in their world. I

was force-fed knowledge of football by Killian

when he started playing PeeWee football as a kid.

Once high school hit, it was pretty obvious where

he stood on the scale of popularity. It's just not for

me. I don't need my life scrutinized the way his is.”

“Because he plans on going to the NFL.”

“Exactly. It's just sad seeing all those girls

throw themselves at him for his namesake. Not

even for him. He's a great guy, I just wish people

could see that.”

Brad stares at me silently. “And you're sure

you've never had a thing for him?”

“I'm sure.” Although why people seem to

keep bringing it up makes me wonder if they're

seeing something that I'm not.

But I'm not Killian’s type. I don't have

ginormous boobs or fake hair or wear tiny outfits to

get attention.

Killian was right to keep me out of the game

of playing by what his life brought him. Because it

didn't seem to bring happiness or love. Just girls

with no faces and no heart.

Everything was starting to feel awkward

now. Neither of us making a point to walk away or

say something. Time for big girl britches to be

pulled up.

“So I had a nice time last night,” I smile

softly. “I love ice cream, so thank you for taking

me.”

“No problem. I wasn't sure what I was

expecting to find when I started doing these date

nights, but I'm glad it led me to you.”

“I wasn't really sure myself,” I laugh. “It

seemed awful odd to go to, but I figured it couldn't

hurt to check it out. So last night wasn't your first

time there?”

“I've been going the past three weeks,”

Brad wrinkles his nose. “First two girls were in

sororities and talked about their sisters and pretty

much bashed the Greek system. Not sure why the

chose to stay in. And then last week,” Brad

chuckles and shakes his head. “Last week I get this

girl far more interested in the guy at the next table

over.”

“Oh no,” I frown.

“Yeah, that's what I thought. Turns out his

date was looking at a guy sitting in the non-

cornered off section of the Union, so I guess it all

worked out for them.”

“Poor you.”

“I don't know if this is going to come out

creepy or not since I don't really know you that

well,” Brad swallows nervously. “But I was

wondering if you'd be interested in going on a

proper date with me that wasn't set up by campus?”

“A real date?” I can't even remember when

He Who Shall Not Be Named took me on a date.

“Yeah, that's what I was thinking. We both

dress up, go somewhere fancy where I pretend to

know whatever wine the waiter is talking about and

try and impress you.”

Brad certainly has a way of making it hard

to think of a reason not to go.

Killian won't approve, the little voice inside

my head says. And the little voice is right, of

course. But he'll just learn that I'm trying to move

on from what happened with my ex-boyfriend.

Sometimes it's easier to jump with both feet

than to dangle one foot over the edge.

“I would love to,” I grin.

“Great. Here,” Brad tugs out his phone, “let

me get your number so I can text you to make

plans.”

I rattle off my number before asking him for

his. This is how it's supposed to go. You meet

someone nice, albeit somewhat unconventionally,

and things take off from there.

“Will you need to run it by your best friend

first to make sure it's okay again?”

“I'll probably just tell my roommate Nina

where I am,” I answer sheepishly. “I know Killian

can be a little forward in his approach to the males

in my life.”

“I'm not scared of him,” Brad says.

I look over at him, his face all twisted up on

one side that makes me think he might be lying. A

lot of people are scared of Killian, but it's okay that

Brad wants to save-face.

“I'm more used to girls sticking together. I

don't think I've ever been interested in someone

whose best friend happens to not only be a guy, but

a pretty popular guy who probably bench presses

more than I weigh.”

“Well, you've got nothing to worry about.”

“I know,” Brad grins. “You've basically

friend-zoned him to where he's never getting out. I

don't think I've ever been this happy to meet a girl

completely oblivious to his looks and charm.”

Wow. I'm not sure if there was a

backhanded compliment somewhere in there or not.

But it certainly felt like it was one.

“Thanks,” I deadpan with a forced smile. “I

need to get working on my project, so I'll see you

later?”

“Yeah, I'll find you later.” Brad leans down

and places a quick kiss on my lips. It felt one

hundred percent better than his attempt at a make

out session with my chin.

“Bye,” I say with a little wave as he steps

away from me.

Brad grins and tilts his chin before leaving

me to do my work. God, why did it feel like we

spent way more time discussing Killian than

anything else?

I hope Brad wasn't going to turn into one of

those guys who thinks they'll get ahead in life by

trying to become buddy-buddy with Killian.

Don't think those thoughts, Lila. You don't

know for sure.

And that was the whole problem. I didn't

know.

Chapter Six

Killian

Ian holds the pizza box away from his chest

as we make our way towards the Fine Arts building.

Lila texted she was running haggard due to

getting a late start and if I'd be willing to grab her a

snack on my way back to our apartment complex

after football practice.

Ian casually mentioned he was hungry and

we should just bring pizza to Lila and eat with her

so she could have a break from being stressed.

I take back my earlier assessment of not

wanting to ever listen to Ian's advice again.

We're coming up to the front stairs outside

of the building when a bunch of people in black

shuffle out. They're what Lila refers to as the

wannabe emos that make up the art department and

some of the music kids.

I think they're about ready to shit

themselves when they stop to gawk at us. One of

them in particular catches my eye. It's fucking

Bradley from last night at the Union.

“Hey,” he awkwardly says. His little group

of friends mouths part open in wonder that he dares

talk to me.

I'm not a freaking God, but you'd think I

was like a live version of Thor or Superman

sometimes. “Hey.”

“Lila's busy,” Bradley tilts his chin up.

“Cool. But she asked me to grab her

something. And I don't usually interfere with her

work.” Oh yeah, I have a feeling he's the reason

she's running behind.

Bradley looks awful smug for a moment

before my entire statement must register with him.

“I could have gotten her something.”

“Don't worry about it,” Ian cuts in. “She's

got us.” He claps a hand on my shoulder and

nudges me towards the door. “Now, if I'm starving

then we know she's starving, man. Let's go feed

your girl.”

Pretty sure he threw out the your girl bit

just to piss off Bradley. And from the flare of the

guys nostrils, Ian’s comment hit its mark.

We make our way down into the basement

of the building. Lila has her hair twisted into a

messy bun and she's bouncing in place which

usually indicates how stressed out she is.

“We come bearing pizza,” I announce.

Her gunmetal eyes look up and settle solely

on the pizza in Ian's hands. “Give me!” She

practically pounces forward and grabs the box,

setting it on her desk before opening the lid and

shoving half a slice of pizza into her mouth.

“Very attractive,” I snort.

“I've been dying. I've been down here in

between my classes and I want to get this project

out of the way before the weekend comes.”

“Why?” I frown. “It's Friday night.”

“Planning on partying?” Ian asks her while

taking a slice for himself.

She better not be planning on partying.

“No,” Lila rolls her eyes. “That's Killian's

thing. I might have a date.”

A date? God, I hope it's not with that jerk

outside.

“Brad came by earlier and asked me out on

a real date,” Lila chuckles softly. “I don't even

remember the last time that I was out in public with

a guy.”

I resist the urge to tell her we were in public

together last night. But that probably doesn't count

in her eyes.

“So,” I say and snag a slice of pizza as well,

“guess you like him.”

“He's nice,” Lila smiles.

“He's part of the wannabe emo brigade we

just saw leaving this place.”

“What?” Lila frowns but turns to Ian.

Apparently I'm not being all that polite at the

moment for her to talk to.

“Decked out in all black,” Ian explains.

“With a bunch of other people also in all black. The

I want to be in the fiery depths of Hell worshipping

Satan kind of black. The girls had on dark makeup

that was overly done.”

“Did you notice some were wearing trench

coats?” I add.

Ian gives me a bewildered look as he nods

his head. “It's a heat index of one hundred outside.”

“Brad wasn't wearing a trench coat earlier,”

Lila defends. “What is with you two? He's a nice

guy and you're acting like assholes.”

“I don't think pointing out he's sketchy

makes us assholes,” Ian says. “Especially since we

brought you pizza.”

“Plus, if you date him then you'll be around

his friends. And you always said you didn't like

those fake emo people,” I add.

She glares at me for speaking. “People can

change their minds.”

“You don't even dress like the majority of

the people in this building do for art,” I shrug. “You

aren't a hippie and you aren't gothic. You're just

you.”

Lila’s only proving my point when she

glances down at her own outfit. Skinny jeans and

her cowboy boots, a well-worn tank top and her

cropped leather jacket is tossed in the corner of the

studio.

She kept ahold of her roots of the South as

well as having a bit of edge. Something that always

amused me about her. While we both wore our

cowboy boots still, we were few and far between

on campus.

On occasion I would go home to pick up an

odd shift at the farm for extra pay, which definitely

required the use of my boots. And Lila was usually

around the horses, so to see her out of her boots

would probably make her unrecognizable.

“So when do we get to formally meet this

Bradley?” I ask.

“You never want to meet the guys I like,”

she frowns.

She's also not wrong. I don't usually want to

meet them. They're never good enough for her.

“It's just awful quick,” Ian shrugs like it's no

big deal. “So we're going to be a little over-the-top

about it.”

“You actually want to get to know him?”

Lila questions but she doesn't sound convinced.

“As in be nice to him?”

“I don't know about the whole being nice

thing,” I mumble.

Ian nudges me in the side with his elbow.

“Right,” he ignores me to tell Lila, “just to make

sure he's not the same kind of asshole that Jared

guy was.”

“He doesn't seem like it,” she defends.

“But you don't know,” I insist. “Which is

why we need to meet him.”

“You hit my ex-boyfriend in the face. Why

would I let you anywhere around Brad?”

“Because Jared deserved it.”

“That's not an answer!” Lila snaps.

“Look,” I growl. “He was spouting off shit

about you and calling you names. Like hell am I not

going to hit someone who thinks it's okay to be a

Grade-A douchebag because their tiny brain isn't

getting enough oxygen to know how to be a decent

human being.”

Lila stares at me for a long few minutes.

“You hit Jared because he called me names?”

I scoff, “Of course I did.”

“It was a pretty good punch too,” Ian

throws out there. “Definitely worth it I say.”

“Did you hit him too?” Lila asks.

“Nope,” Ian shakes his head. “I know better

than to speak with my fists anymore. Though, I'll

say this, it was justified.”

“Thanks, man,” I nod my head. We fist

bump with Lila standing there gawking at us.

No one ever said men weren't Neanderthals

when we needed to be.

“You both are crazy,” she sighs and goes for

another piece of pizza. “But I don't even know if

this is going to be a thing, so I'm not sure why you

want to meet him.”

“To put the fear of God into him?” Ian

shrugs.

“Or the fear of me.”

“You're ridiculous,” Lila snorts.

“Hey now, what about Ian?”

“I don't want to be dragged into your

scolding,” Ian says with both hands raised in the air.

“Let her yell at you.”

“But you agreed with me.”

Ian shoots me a look. “So what? Doesn't

mean I need her being mad at me, too.”

“Chicken-shit,” I huff.

“What about you?” Lila flops down into her

chair and raises her eyebrows at me.

I'm not following what she means. “What?”

“The girl from that night. What happened?”

she emphasizes.

“She wanted me,” I shrug.

Ian starts laughing. “So she wanted you and

that meant you had to turn her down?”

“She was obsessed with Killian the football

player,” I flinch. “And that's a turn off.”

“Which is why you need someone who

doesn't care about who you are on campus,” Ian

nods. His eyes flicker back and forth between Lila

and me obviously, but she's staring at the pizza

instead of Ian.

“Exactly,” I agree hesitantly. The

conversation with him and Alex at the gym still

fresh from last night.

Ian looks far too smug for my liking about

my grumbled agreement. “So Lila,” Ian grins

cheekily, “don't you agree?”

She takes a large bite of her third slice of

pizza. “Huh? About what?” There's pizza sauce

stuck to the side of her mouth and I reach over

without thinking first, swiping my thumb over half

her bottom lip to the corner of her mouth until I get

the sauce off.

Her gunmetal eyes widen a fraction but she

looks like she's trying not to start hyperventilating.

Which for some reason makes me feel smug. I'm

causing a reaction in her. Not that Bradley dipshit.

Me.

And then I jerk away from her.

What the hell am I doing?

I've clearly lost my mind. Fucking Ian and

Alex and their you’re jealous bullshit from last

night. It's making me crazy. They're driving me

crazy.

Hell.

“You had, uh,” I can't even finish whatever

I was trying to say. I point at the corner of my own

mouth, in the same spot she had sauce at.

“Right,” Lila clears her throat and shifts

side to side.

Ian's looking up at the ceiling, a slight smirk

on his face. I'm going to officially fire him as one of

my closest friends.

“So, yeah,” I cough awkwardly.

“Yeah,” Lila echoes.

“When do we get to meet Brad then?” Ian

asks. “Officially, at least.”

Lila draws her eyebrows together. “We're

back to this again? I don't think I really need

anyone's permission to go out to dinner with some

guy. Or anyone's approval, either.”

That last bit was to me, no question about it.

“But what if we meet him and we still don't

like him?” Ian frowns. “Don't we get any input.”

“How about we clear this up right now.

Killian,” Lila says to me, “do you approve of

Brad?”

I answer bluntly, “No.”

“See?” Lila waves her hand at me while

staring at Ian. “This is what I'm talking about!”

“Okay, to be fair, us guys have a pretty

good sense of how our fellow dudes can really be.

Just like I'm sure you can tell if a girl’s a bitch or

not,” Ian says.

Lila bites her lower lip and looks at both of

us. “Really?”

“Hell yeah,” I nod my head in agreement.

“Plus, when have I ever been wrong about a guy

you've been interested in?”

Lila pauses to mull that one over and I feel

smug about the fact she actually has to think about

it. Probably because she can't think of a single time

I was wrong. “Do you ever think that if you

stopped scaring the guys away that a nice one

might come through?”

Dammit. I wasn't expecting that as a

response at all.

“I can live my own life, you know,” Lila

keeps rolling with the punches. “I don't want to be

the Killian Blane’s background girl. I don't want

people to just keep assuming that I'm following you

around because I like you. People always ask me if

we were ever a thing, or if we've ever been

together. And it's tiring having to defend our

friendship all of the time.”

“Funny, I've never had a problem defending

our friendship before,” I scowl and cross my arms

over my chest.

“But you shouldn't have to,” Lila

emphasizes. “And neither should I.”

“That's fucking great,” I snap, wondering

why she's trying to sabotage our friendship.

Because it's exactly what this sounds like. “I need

some air.”

“Killian,” Lila says to stop me, but I'm too

mad to stand here and keep this conversation going.

At least I know how to walk away before it

becomes any more damaging.

I hear Ian’s voice but can't make out what

he's saying as I walk faster down the hallway

towards the staircase to get out of this building.

This building that's a perfect fit for Bradley.

Perfect for him and Lila to cozy up and get to know

one another without my presence or name being

thrown around.

“Killian,” Ian comes up on my left as we

ascend the stairs. “That was...intense.”

“Sure,” I huff.

We hit the hot air outside and instead of

fresh air helping to calm me down, it's sticky and

hot and makes me want to punch something even

more.

“I can't believe she said that. Like our

friendship is really that big of a problem.” I jerk to

a halt on the sidewalk and raise my voice in anger.

“Do you know how many times she ate lunch with

me in public last year? Probably five. Five times

she was in public with me and not once did anyone

bat an eyelash.”

“Because most of our friends know,” he

points out. “So why would they question it?”

I make a growling noise in the back of my

throat. “She can't be serious about wanting a break

from our friendship.”

“Well, I didn't exactly hear her say that.”

“That's basically what she was implying.”

“Just give her time. I'm sure your

overbearing ass is just taking a toll after the week

she's had,” Ian shrugs. “Everything will be fine.”

Fine, he says like I'm supposed to believe

that word.

Fine was what someone said when they

weren't actually fine at all. And I was as far from

fine right now as I could possibly be. I hate the

word fine.

“Right,” I jerk my head in a quick nod.

“You don't believe me for a second,” Ian

sighs.

“Nope.”

“You two have fought before, you'll be

alright.”

Sure, we'll be fine eventually. And yeah,

we've fought before. But she's never attacked our

friendship before. Never made me unsure of if she

wanted to be in my life.

And that's the final punch in the face.

What if she doesn't want to be a part of my

life anymore?

Ian and I walk in silence to the gym. I need

to run. I need an escape.

Chapter Seven

Lila

Killian hasn't talked to me in almost two

days.

I know that shouldn't come across as a

surprise considering we had a fight, and it's the

weekend when we tend to avoid one another. But

the nagging feeling deep in my gut tells me he's

avoiding me for a whole different reason.

Nina gave me a sympathetic look right

before Brad came to pick me up for dinner tonight.

I'd spent Friday night and all of Saturday in my lazy

clothes refusing to go out in public. Or across the

hall of the apartment complex to see Killian.

And then Brad texted me this morning to

see if I wanted to go out to dinner tonight. So I said

yes.

He drove us to Hanson, that had a total of

two fancy restaurants to pick from and a handful of

chain fast-food places.

Brad made reservations at one of the two

fancy places, Bella’s. It's Italian and always tastes

delicious. The hostess sat us immediately and I've

been staring off around the room ever since she left

five minutes ago.

“...and I didn't know what was happening,”

Brad chuckles, not the least bit aware I've been

basically ignoring him for the past few minutes.

“Sounds funny,” I give him a tight smile.

Stupid Killian ruining my mood.

“Can I get you two something to drink and

maybe a beginner salad?” a cheery voice asks.

I turn in time to lock eyes with one of the

mean girls I went to high school with. Her eyes

widen as well, and from the tight black dress she's

wearing with overly done makeup, I’m reminded of

the day she went around the girls locker room

bragging about having kissed Killian and how I

would forever be invisible to him.

“Andrea,” I offer her a stale smile. “Nice to

see you again.” Not.

“Same to you,” her brittle voice says. “Here

out with a friend?”

“This is my date tonight, Brad,” I gesture to

him then back to our waitress, “this is Andrea.”

“Hello,” Brad nods to her.

“I didn't realize you were dating,” her lips

pucker. “Still tagging along behind Killian?”

This is what I was referring to on Friday.

How everyone seems to think I just follow Killian

around in the shadows of his life. “If you're asking

if we're friends still, then the answer is yes.”

“Is he seeing anyone?” Andrea grins evilly.

I glare at her. No way in hell am I letting her

get involved with Killian. Since I'm not answering

her question, she sighs dramatically in annoyance.

“What do you want to drink?” she asks.

Both Brad and I give her our drink orders

and watch as she flounces away.

“So,” Brad clears his throat, “I take it you

know her?”

“Unfortunately.”

“And she likes Killian?”

“I think almost every girl likes Killian.”

“But not you,” he points out.

No, I guess not me. Maybe once a very long

time ago, but it didn't last long at all in middle

school. Not with Killian’s rising popularity. And I'd

been more than okay to be the one girl to not have

her heart broken by him. “Nope.”

“It's just weird, you know?” Brad shrugs.

“To not be attracted to him.”

“I guess.” Now I'm starting to regret this

date. “Why are you so interested in the fact that

I'm not interested in my best friend?”

Brad at least has the decency to look a bit

ashamed as he pulls at the collar of his shirt. “My

last girlfriend, we were together almost all of

freshman year,” he sighs and clenches in hands into

fists on top of the table. “When I guess she met

Killian at a party I'd skipped out on to study for a

test on Monday. The whole one thing led to

another excuse got used and she cheated on me.

Because she had the opportunity to be with Killian

fucking Blane,” he finishes in disgust.

“I'm sorry,” I wince. “Killian doesn't usually

sleep with girls that are in relationships.”

“So only sometimes?”

“I didn't mean it like that,” I sigh. “But he's

not going to go stepping on someone else's toes

regardless if he knows them or not. I'm sure if you

told him that he slept with your girlfriend two years

ago, he'd apologize to you.”

Brad looks like I've reached across the table

and slapped him. “I don't want an apology from

that guy.”

“Well,” I open my hands in gesture of Well,

what do you want me to tell you then?

“It's just nice, for once,” Brad sighs. “To

meet probably the one person who Killian only

looks to as a sister and not anything more.”

It's not uncommon for me to hear, but it

hurts all the same for some reason. Like I'm not

pretty enough or good enough for my best friend.

That people like Andrea and Brad’s ex-girlfriend

don't see me as anything other than standing in

Killian’s shadow.

“So thank you,” Brad reaches over and

clasps his hand around my limp one on the table,

“for not being on Killian’s radar.”

Yeah, whoop-dee-do to me, too.

I flop on the couch in our tiny living room.

Nina is standing in her pajamas, holding a water

bottle in one hand as she looks at me from the

center of the kitchen to the right.

“What?” I let out a long sigh.

“I take it your date didn't go well?” she asks

and gingerly sits down next to me.

“However could you tell?” I deadpan.

“You look miserable. Not as miserable as

yesterday, but still definitely miserable.”

“I found out why Brad hates Killian.”

Nina’s dark eyes pop open wider for gossip.

The wheels in her head are starting to spin. “He's

jealous isn't he? Or he wants to be friends with

Killian but he's not cool enough to fit in with the big

boys.”

“None of the above.”

“Then what the hell is it?” Nina demands.

“Don't keep me in the dark!”

“Killian slept with Brad’s girlfriend two

years ago.” I pause and roll my head to look

directly at Nina. “When they were still together.”

She purses her lips and squints her eyes.

“Did Killian know? He might be a manwhore, but I

don't think he's ever slept with someone's girlfriend.

At least not knowingly.”

“I don't know,” I shrug my shoulders.

“Probably not. Either way, Brad doesn't

particularly care if Killian would be sorry about it.”

“That's totally on his girlfriend for being a

bitch and sleeping with someone else, though,”

Nina scoffs. “If he's going to hate Killian that

much, I sure hope he hates her, too. Otherwise the

double standard for that makes me want to punch

him.”

“I don't know if he hates his ex or not.”

“Okay, so you're miserable because he

doesn't like Killian?” Nina asks. “None of the guys

you like tend to like Killian.”

“That's not why.”

“Then what is it? It's like you're purposely

being obtuse just to infuriate me,” she growls.

“Were you aware of the fact that I'm

basically too plain to get Killian’s attention?”

She stops shifting in her seat and stares at

me with her mouth hanging open. “What?”

“Girls find me pathetic because I'm friends

with him and I'm not even on his radar,” I grumble.

“Because I'm seen as his sister.”

“Since when has that been a problem for

you?”

“I don't want to be plain!” I groan and put

my hands over my face.

“Sweetie,” Nina says in a calm voice. “I'm

not sure what's happening right now. Are you upset

that Killian and you got into a fight or are you upset

that he doesn't see you as anything but a sister?”

“I don't know. Both?” I peek out between

my fingers to look at her. “I've known him since

elementary school. He's never made a pass at me.

And he makes a pass at anything with a pulse and a

hoo-ha.”

“So,” she continues talking slowly to me,

“you want him to notice you?”

“I want to not be defined as Killian's little

sister anymore.”

“Is this similar to the fight you had with

him? Because you never actually explained what

happened.”

I bite my lip at drop my hands into my lap.

“I don't know. I got really stressed about having a

real date and not living up to expectations. And

then I started thinking about how I keep all my

friends at arm's length so no one can use me to get

to Killian. And how it's unfair in my life. I've

always been the girl in the background that guys

either date because they hate him or love him and

want to get close to, but all they do is talk about

hating him or loving him. It's never, ever been

about me.”

“Okay, I'm starting to see where this is

going. But I'm not seeing why Killian isn't talking to

you.”

“I kind of told him our friendship was a

problem.”

Nina’s mouth opens and closes several

times before words come out. “What do you mean

you told him your friendship was a problem?” she

asks in a high-pitched voice. “Are you insane?”

“I told him I was tired of defending myself

to people about us being best friends.” I fold my

arms across my chest like a petulant child pouting.

“I shouldn't have to and he shouldn't either.”

“Please tell me, of all the moronic things

that you could have said, you didn't say it like

that.”

I wince.

“My God, Lila. So he defends you, so what?

He doesn't care to defend you because you are the

most important person in his life. He walks away

from people who treat you like crap or say mean

things. Or, you know, goes out and gives them a

black eye or broken nose.” She shakes her head at

me and shame starts to set in.

“I guess I got a little carried away then.”

Her eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.

“You think?”

“I have to apologize, don't I?”

“I would.”

I let out a defeated breath and lay my head

back on the couch. “It really was a crappy date. He

just kept talking about how perfect I was because I

wasn't perfect for Killian.”

“Screw him.”

“It's just a beating to my ego is all.”

“You know what you need?”

I'm not sure I like that glint in her eye.

“No,” I answer warily. “What do I need?”

“To drink,” she announces. “Go put on sexy

clothes.”

“It's Sunday night,” I wrinkle my nose.

“And you're in pajamas already.”

“So I'll change,” Nina shrugs. “There's

always some idiotic fraternity having a party on a

Sunday to go to class hungover on Monday. It's like

some Greek hazing thing, I think.”

“They're not allowed to haze. It's against

school rules.”

Nina gives me a withering look. “They

make them drink beer through a funnel tube and

make bets on who can score the hottest girl. Typical

douchebag frat guy things.”

“And why are we going to a frat party to

drink instead of staying here and opening a bottle

of wine?” I ask and gesture to our kitchen. “We

have wine here, Nina. And we don't even have to

wear pants if we want to.”

“Not going to work. Go, put on cute clothes

that'll make guys drool. You'll dance, maybe kiss a

guy and drink. Then we’ll come home and regret

everything tomorrow morning and call it a wrap on

Brad the Douche.” She points her finger at me. “No

more interpretive dance guys.”

“He was in choir.”

She raises her eyebrows as if to say, So

what? He's still a douche.

Maybe she's right. “Fine,” I concede. “I'll

go dress like a harlot and party.”

“Nobody says harlot!” she calls after me as

I make my way to my room down the hall.

I tug on a pair of shorts and a tank top with

a glitter design on the front and my sandals. I swipe

pink lipstick across my lips. Something I had bought

long ago and didn't wear at all.

Taking a look in the mirror, my hair and

makeup were still done from dinner so I looked

nice. Not overly sexy like some of the girls who

went to frat parties on Greek Row. But I looked

sexier than what I normally felt like.

So there's a plus.

I come back out into the living room to find

Nina in shorts as well, but she's got on a large t-shirt

that hangs off one shoulder. It takes me a moment

to realize she's wearing her boyfriends practice

jersey with his name scrawled on the back.

“Really?” I arch an eyebrow at her, but

she's been typing away on her phone.

“Really what?” she asks without looking up.

“You're wearing Jackson’s jersey?”

“I'm not going to let some idiot hit on me.

Tonight is all for you.” Her eyes flicker up to meet

mine and widen as she looks at me. “Holy hot

mama.”

Well, now I just feel self-conscious as I tug

on the tank top that's a little too small now that I

inspect it closer. A strip of my belly is showing.

“You're going to definitely be noticed

tonight.”

I look longingly to our kitchen. “And you're

absolutely certain you don't want to stay here and

just drink wine and eat ice cream?”

“You look hot,” she rolls her eyes and

shoves her phone in her pocket. “Tonight you're

going to flirt and forget about guys that are idiots.”

“I don't think I want to do one night stands

anymore,” I flinch. “Killian made a good point

about that not being me.”

“So you won't go that far. Making out with

a hot guy who thinks you're hot isn't going to make

you into the equivalent of how Killian goes through

girls.”

“You mean a whore?” I deadpan.

“You're definitely not a whore,” Nina points

her finger at me. “You just need a boyfriend hiatus.

Just be flirty and fun for awhile and see if you like

it.”

“What if I don't?”

“Then no harm, no foul,” Nina shrugs. “It's

just a little flirting and maybe some kissing. Frat

parties never lead to anything serious anyways. It's

time to let a guy boost your ego.”

“You're right,” I paste on my best confident

smile. “Let's do this.”

“Right on!”

Chapter Eight

Killian

“Dude,” I hear Ian slur in my ear. “We've

been drinking for like, all day.” He wrinkles his

blunt nose. “Did that make sense?”

I shake my head from side to side.

“Whatever.” He squints at me. “I am more

drunker than you, aren't I?”

Considering I haven't even finished one

beer, I'd say yes he's more drunker than me.

“Yeah.” I take the cup from his hand and give him

a water bottle. “Drink that instead.”

“Party pooper.”

“Damn straight. I don't need Coach riding

my ass about how shitty we played yesterday.”

“Your mind wasn't in the game,” Ian shrugs.

“You could just call her, you know.”

And say what though? Because I had no

idea past wanting to scream my head off or hug her.

“You need a distraction,” Ian points at me.

He starts to turn to look around the crowded room

of the basement of the fraternity house we’re

partying at. “There! Two hot girls are dancing

together all sexy.”

I turn my head to look, even though I'm not

really interested in anyone tonight. But he's right.

There are two girls on the other side of the

room dancing with each other and laughing. Neither

of their faces are showing but guys keep turning

their heads to look at the redhead swaying her hips

to the beat of “Get Low” before the whole dance

floor drops to the ground on the chorus.

The redhead does a slow rise, her ass rising

in the air and several whistles let out, but she

doesn't turn around to acknowledge anyone. And

now I'm turned on.

“Let's go say hi,” Ian grins, obviously

catching me watching the girl. “She's just your

type.”

I sigh. Ever since I sort’ve admitted to

possibly being a little jealous of Brad and his date

with Lila, Ian’s been throwing out how I have a

thing for redheads. In the case that I usually don't

go anywhere near redheads because, according to

Ian, there's too much resemblance to Lila.

But tonight I'm making an exception.

Maybe it'll get her out of my head for a little bit. I

definitely need a break from the funk I've been in

since our fight. And little Miss Daisy Dukes is going

to be that distraction.

I don't even glance at her friend, just slide

my arm around the girl's slim waist and pull her

back into my chest and start to sway my hips with

hers.

She tightens up for a second before relaxing

into me. That's it pretty girl, just go with it.

I actually have no idea what her face looks

like. She's got her head angled down and the smell

of vanilla wafts up my nose. She could be ugly but I

wouldn't have a clue.

I spread my hand out, catching the feeling

of soft skin from where her tank top has ridden up

her stomach. She's a little sweaty from being over

here dancing, but it's turning me even more on.

Tilting my chin down, I press my lips right

below her ear and feel a small shudder make it's

way through her body.

Is it wrong I'm a little smug about that fact

I'm going to get Lila out of my system once and for

all? Nah.

Sliding my hands from her hips to bring her

arms around my neck, something I learned last year

made for an easy night with a girl, I lean down and

kiss a hot trail from below her ear to her shoulder.

My eyes lift, and they slam right into Lila’s

roommate, Nina’s, wide gaze. Her mouth is hanging

open and she's just openly gaping at me.

What the fuck?

She's seen me like this with plenty of girls so

why the bell is she staring at me like I've shocked

her silly? I pull away from the hot redhead and

frown at Nina.

“What?” I say rather angrily since she's

interrupting my good time.

The redhead in my arms suddenly jerks out

of my reach and barrels straight into Nina. All of

the warmth I was feeling a minute ago is now

replaced with an almost icy feeling in the air.

Hot Redhead Girl still isn't looking at me,

just looking like she's visibly shaking and gripping a

hold of Nina’s shoulders tightly. They must have

come together.

“Killian?” I hear my name asked in a low

whisper and suddenly I know why the icy feeling is

surrounding me.

The shock must register on my face as she

turns around, not only moments ago was she in my

arms, and now she looks like she's ready to go into

a panic state.

“Fuck,” I wipe my hand over my mouth and

look around. Several people are staring at us in

curiosity, probably wondering what the hell is

happening between me and this girl that they don't

recognize.

That I didn't recognize.

“Lila,” I shift on my feet and shake my

head. “You look...different.” Very far from her

usual self. Her hair’s in curls, she has shiny pink

lips that seem fuller and poutier than normal. And

her outfit is a lot tighter than what she normally

wears.

Christ, I had my hands on her. I was

grinding on her. And then the motherload of it all

hits me: I kissed her.

Maybe not on the mouth, but I definitely

had my lips on her skin. In the not-so-best-friendly

way, either.

“Shit,” I swallow hard and step towards her.

Thankfully, she doesn't step back. “I'm so sorry. I

had no idea.”

“Clearly,” Nina deadpans from behind

where Lila’s just staring at me.

“I thought you were someone else,” I

wince.

“Like who?” I strain to hear Lila’s softly

spoken question.

That causes me to wince again. “I don't

know. Anybody but you.”

“So what, I'm not hot enough?” Lila’s voice

comes out shrill.

She's kidding me, right? There's no way that

she's not aware that she's hot. Even without all the

glamour. But why would she think I wouldn't quit

dancing with her, kissing on her, if I knew who she

was? She wasn't into me.

And I have no idea how I'm feeling about

her lately.

“First off,” I scowl, “you are hot. Second of

all, what the hell are you doing here, pretending to

act like me and letting some guy, who only saw the

back of you, touch you like that?”

Her mouth falls open in shock again, but

then she squares her shoulders and I know Nina's

observation of us has fled her mind. “You touch

girls like that all the time!”

“Yeah, because I'm looking to get laid.”

“Maybe I just wanted to dance,” her eyes

turn stormy. “And then you came over here and

started doing what you normally do.”

“So it's my fault you're shaking your ass for

everyone to look at?” I scoff. “No way. That's all

you, baby doll.” I fold my arms across my chest.

“And like I said, I didn't know it was you.”

“Obviously not since you were treating me

like one of those millions of other girls.”

I grit my teeth together. “It's not like you

weren't enjoying it.”

My mind starts to immediately scream at

me, Retreat! Run! Wrong fucking thing to say right

now, moron!

I go to open my mouth to apologize, but

Lila reels back and slaps me, hard, across my face.

The slap itself doesn't sting as much as the hurt look

flashing across Lila’s face and I can tell she's trying

not to cry.

Dammit, I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Lila,” I sigh and reach for her, but she

backs away from me. Lila darts behind Nina who

looks like she's ready to start clawing at me if I

come any closer. “I'm sorry.”

Lila whispers something into Nina’s ear and

Nina quickly turns on her heel and storms off with

Lila right behind her.

And I'm stuck with the crowd staring at me

and feeling like a hole just cracked a mile wide

inside my chest.

Ian lumbers over, slinging his arm around

my shoulder. “What happened to the redhead?”

“It was Lila,” I say, feeling completely

defeated.

Ian's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.

“You're kidding me? When I meant find someone

like her, I didn't mean literally her, dude.”

“I know.”

“So she left?”

“She left,” I echo.

“And things just got shittier, didn't they?”

“Yeah.”

“I think you need another beer.”

This time, I think he's right.

It's Wednesday afternoon. I'm sitting on the

bench in the locker room feeling like hell. My game

is off. My mind’s not in it.

Coach lumbers into the room, mostly

everyone is gone, but I'm still sitting in my practice

pants, my pads laying off to the side of me. I don't

have the will to pretend that I'm okay.

Coach Stephen is a good man, but he's a no-

nonsense kind of coach. You either come to play

ball or you don't come at all.

“Alright, Blane,” Coach sighs and sits down

next to me. “What's wrong.”

“Nothing, sir.”

“Is this about the non-girlfriend from last

week?”

I shrug my shoulders.

“What's going on, kid? I can't help you if

you don't tell me what needs to be helped with.”

I give him a strange look. “I thought we

were supposed to keep our personal life out of

football?”

“You are,” he answers bluntly. “But

apparently that's not working for you. So get to it, I

don't want to be here all night.”

I stare down at my hands. “I think I made

her hate me.”

“The redhead?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“Everything wrong apparently.”

Coach gives me a funny look so I decide to

hell with it, and start from the beginning. How long

I've known Lila, how overprotective I am, how she

thinks our friendship is ruining her life somehow,

and then how I tried to get her out of my head on

Sunday and what a clusterfuck that night became.

“So she probably hates me,” I finish.

Coach doesn't answer right away. In fact,

we sit in uncomfortable silence for five minutes

before he opens his mouth. “That's rough, Blane.”

His statement makes me bristle. “That's all

you've got to say about it?”

“Sounds like you both messed up. You both

need to apologize and move on from it.”

“I did apologize!”

Coach gives me one of his famous menacing

glares. “Just saying ‘I'm sorry’ doesn't actually

count as an apology sometimes. You actually have

to do something about it.”

“Like what?”

“I don't know, kid. Something that'll make

her change her mind about you. Life isn't easy.”

“That's for damn sure,” I sigh.

“We all make mistakes sometimes to the

people we care about. It's inevitable, it's going to

happen eventually, but you have to learn to accept

that and roll with it when it comes. Learn from it

and don't make the mistake again. Do you

understand?”

Not really. “Yeah.”

I think Coach knows I'm lying to him, but

he just nods his head, claps me on the shoulder,

then leaves the locker room.

It takes me longer than it usually does to

shower and change into my normal clothes before

leaving the locker room. I'm starving now and

check my phone for what feels like the millionth

time today.

I guess tonight is going to be the first night

in a few years that Lila and I don't have Wednesday

best friend night together. Maybe she got stuck on a

project, but even I'm not convincing enough to lie

to myself.

So instead, I head to the Union and swipe

my card to go into the all-you-can-eat smorgasbord

of food.

Almost like having Lila-radar, I swivel my

head when the hairs in the back of my neck stand

up. Sure enough, she's standing by the exit. And

she's talking to fucking Bradley, of course.

I turn away and flop down at the football

table. After a few moments of silence, I look up to

see that everyone has pretty much stopped talking

and is staring at me.

“What?” I grunt. I'm not in the mood for

anybody's shit today.

“It's Wednesday,” Alex supplies.

“I know what day it is. I passed

kindergarten.”

“But you're here,” he continues.

“So what?”

“Why aren't you with Lila?” Gage, who's

one of our running backs, says.

“They're in a fight,” comes Ian's smooth

reply as he drops into the seat next to me. “I

wouldn't ask him about it either. He's liable to deck

someone.”

“Oh, everyone already knows,” Alex

answers smugly. “Apparently that's the talk of

campus.”

“What's the talk of campus?” I frown.

“Nope!” Ian says loudly. “We're not

discussing it. I already fucking told you, he's liable

to hit any one of you idiots.”

“What's going on?” I demand.

The smug smile slips off Alex’s face. He

looks more sad now before he answers with, “You

and Lila. You're the talk of campus.”

“So what? People are always talking about

me.”

“You're not getting it,” Alex sighs. “You and

Lila.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I

demand angrily.

“This is why I said don't say anything,” Ian

grumbles next to me.

Alex ignores him and turns to face me head-

on. “There's some gossip that Lila and you got into

some lovers quarrel over the weekend. Something

about her wanting to be with you and you not

wanting to settle into a relationship. I guess a lot of

people saw you fighting at Delta Phi.”

Of course they did.

“But Lila and I were never together,” I

point out.

Alex pulls out his phone and Ian grumbles

some more before Alex hands me the device.

Shock is the first thing to spread through

me. I can't believe what I'm looking at on the

screen. Sure, I've seen pictures floating around of

me smiling with some girl, but these are of me with

Lila.

It's of us dancing, but it's from her side so

you can see her face. Her arms are around my neck

and my mouth is pressing against the column of her

throat.

She looks happy and hot.

Except she didn't know it was me.

I swallow audibly and set the phone on the

table like it might bite me. It's been reshared one

hundred and seven times.

“People know who she is now,” Alex says

softly before sliding his hand to another picture.

“There's one more after.”

Now she's standing across from me. We're

clearly arguing and both of us look hurt and angry. I

swipe my shaking hand for the final picture to

appear.

Her hand is away from my face by mere

inches and it's hard to tell if it's before or after that

slap happened. That moment when I felt everything

inside of me crumble to dust.

“What are they saying about her?” I ask

stiffly.

“Just that you two must've broken up or

your fling ended. Nothing all that mean from

anyone. Just that it didn't work out because you're

so different,” Alex says calmly.

“But?” I prompt since I know there has to

be something else.

“But people recognize who she is, Killian.

Your face dragged her into the spotlight. The one

place she never wanted to be. I don't know how

she's going to deal with that,” Alex shrugs.

“Not going to go caveman and flip the table

are you?” Ian asks.

“No,” I slump down in my seat.

I should be more worried, more upset, but

all I keep picturing is that look on Lila’s face as I

kissed her neck.

Shit.

Chapter Nine

Lila

“It's barely noticeable now,” Nina says for

the fourth time in the past ten minutes.

I've been standing in the bathroom that's

placed in between our bedrooms, staring at myself

in the mirror.

Nothing has changed. It's Thursday morning

and I look normal. I don't feel normal, but I look it.

The only abnormal thing currently staring back at

me is the little reddish and brown patch of skin

below my ear from where Killian kissed me.

Where he gave me a hickey.

“Just put some makeup over it,” Nina

suggests.

I should do that. So people quit staring at

me. But I've been moving in a daze the last four

days and I thought the weirdness of the whole thing

would have worn off by now.

It hasn't.

“Let's just go,” I grumble, moving my hair

to the front of my chest and flipping off the light.

We make our way to campus, separating at

the halfway point to head in opposite directions. It's

hot again today, so I'm in shorts and a t-shirt. And

while I would kill for my hair to be up, that's just

not going to be an option today. At least the wind

has a nice breeze going.

I'm about to pass the gym that's to the right

of the sidewalk. Unfortunately, it's right next to the

art building, so there's no escaping several of the

football players that stop to stare at me.

If the sidewalk could open up now and

swallow me, that would be fantastic.

“Lila!” I hear my name being hollered, but I

pick up the pace and duck my head down. “Lila,

stop!”

I jerk to a halt but keep my head down.

“God, you're fast for a little thing,” Alex

huffs next to me. His golden hair is flying every

which direction in the wind.

“What do you want?”

He ignores the tone in my voice and says,

“No hi? Well that's just rude.”

“Hi.”

“You're a little feisty when you're mad,

aren't you?”

“Alex,” I snap and he raises his big hands in

surrender.

“Just wanted to see how you're doing. If

you're okay and all that stuff.”

“I'm fine.”

He snorts. “Yeah, you look completely fine

keeping your head down so you don't run into

Killian on accident.” He pauses. “Or on purpose.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“That little love bite on your neck says

otherwise.”

I slap my hand over my neck, realizing the

wind has shifted and is blowing my hair away from

my neck. My entire face flames red in

embarrassment.

“You two just need to talk,” Alex shrugs

and starts walking in the direct of Fine Arts.

“What are you doing now?”

“Walking you to class,” he answers like I'm

an idiot for not knowing what he was doing.

“But why?”

“Lila,” Alex breathes in through his nose

roughly. “Can you honestly not figure it out on your

own or do I actually have to spell it out for you?”

“Killian sent you.” I should have known.

“He saw the pictures last night,” Alex

explains and my face goes even more red. I'd seen

them Monday morning and noticed how everyone

kept following me with their eyes in every room I

entered.

“So he feels bad?”

“Why wouldn't he feel bad, Lila? Your

friendship, what's left of it, is resting on eggshells.”

His comment about how my friendship with

Killian is dwindling makes my stomach hurt and my

eyes sting with unshed tears. “Our friendship will

be okay.”

“You're aware that you pushed him away,

right? That this whole thing pretty much started

because you're insecure about your friendship with

him.”

I stop walking with him and fuming, say,

“You don't know a damn thing about that. I'm not

insecure about it.”

Alex says in a level voice, “Then why aren't

you talking to him?”

“He's not talking to me!”

Alex rolls his eyes. “So? He knows you

don't want anything to do with him. After your

outburst on Friday and then on Sunday, you both

haven't had an actual conversation. It's almost been

a week. You two don't ever not talk to one

another.”

Well, he's got me there. This might be the

longest Killian and I have ever gone without talking

or seeing one another.

“So just say something. Because he feels

like shit, he's been playing like shit, and I don't

want coach to bench him this weekend when you

two can just make up and go back to normal.”

“He kissed me, Alex.”

“And? Unless you're telling me that you

liked it or that it repulsed you to no end, then it

should be easy to move on from.”

It feels like the entire world freezes at that.

It's been four days since it happened and I've been

so busy keeping myself distracted from thoughts of

Killian that I never stopped to think about how that

kiss felt.

Did I like it?

A warm feeling settles low in my belly and

goosebumps break out across my skin. The side of

my neck tingles with the faint memory of his mouth

pressing tightly against it, his teeth moving gently

and the faint scratch of his stubble gliding against

my skin.

“I don't know,” I finally say.

Alex stares at me silently, like he's trying to

read my mind on the fact that I possibly could have

liked it but aren't saying it. And I'm definitely not

admitting anything out loud to him.

If I did like it, then it would change

everything. And then I would lose everything as

well.

“You both are idiots,” Alex sighs.

“Complete idiots. Just talk to one another.”

“Why do you care so much? So football

doesn't get ruined?” I practically sneer.

He gives me a placating smile. “That's me,”

he says sarcastically. “Only looking out for my

friends career so he can get to the NFL like he's

always dreamed about. Has absolutely nothing to

do with caring about him and his happiness.”

I wince.

“You're really on a role with this whole self-

destruction thing you've got going on.”

“I'm sorry.”

“See?” Alex visibly relaxes. “Was that so

hard to say?”

“No,” I grumble.

“Just talk to him. Get him to get his head

out of his ass and stop acting like a mopey girl.”

“He's acting like a mopey girl?” I snort.

“Yes, and you're acting like a jerk. Guess

you've flipped roles.”

“That's harsh,” I scowl at him as we stop in

front of the main doors to the building.

Alex doesn't look too concerned about my

angry look. “Just stating the truth for you. So will

you talk to him?”

“Yeah,” I sigh and tug my hair forward as

people pass us. “I'll talk to him.”

“And you'll be nice?”

“Yes,” I frown. “I'll be nice to him.”

“Thank God. I can't keep dealing with a

mopey Killian,” Alex sighs heavily. “See you

around, Lila.”

We wave to one another as he jogs back

towards the gym, where his football buddies are

still milling around talking to each other.

I make my way upstairs, only to come face

to face with Jared and his new girlfriend. His eye

his still black and swollen, and even though Killian

and I are on the outs right now, I can't help but feel

a little smug about Jared’s now imperfect face.

“Lila,” Jared looks around and stands a

little behind his girlfriend.

“Hey,” I say awkwardly.

The girl looks me over. I've only seen her

maybe a handful of times here on campus since

freshman year. She looks vaguely familiar but I

know I've never talked to her before.

“So you're Lila,” the girl practically sneers.

“Yup. I'd say it was nice meeting you,” I

give her a fake smile, “but it wasn't. Then or now.”

I'm far too proud of myself as I climb up the

stairs to get around them, leaving them behind and

speechless.

After getting into class, I shift my easel and

get all of things together before the professor walks

in. One of my friends, Jane, takes the easel next to

mine.

“Get some action lately?” she teases.

“What?” I ask.

She points towards my neck and I wince.

“Looks kind of old. Was is Brad?”

“No,” I answer slowly. Not a lot of people

in this building follow the great Killian Blane

around or gossip about him. So it's not surprising

that she has no idea what happened on Sunday.

“You're seeing multiple guys!” Jane gapes.

“I wish I had the confidence to do that.”

“I'm not seeing multiple guys.”

“So you got attacked by the vacuum

cleaner?” she asks jokingly.

“I...was at a party and this guy and I were

dancing and it just,” I pause trying to think of a way

to explain it but just go with, “happened.”

“Was he hot?”

I swallow deeply. “I guess so.”

“Did he make your heart flutter?” Jane asks

whimsically. “I just imagine two people meeting at

a party and falling in love and being that couple

that everyone is envious of because they're so

perfect together.”

“Ah.”

“So did you get, you know, a flutter or

something?”

Remembering the heat in my belly, I blush

and look at my sketchbook, “I guess I felt

something.”

“Just not with Brad,” she clarifies.

“Nope. Brad just likes me because I don't

like Killian.” Or I didn't at least. Now I have no

idea. And after last night, running into Brad, and

him demanding where the hickey came from, I told

him I just wasn't interested in seeing him anymore.

“Killian's pretty hot,” Jane grins. “I don't

know how you can think straight around him all the

time.”

Clearly with how I've been acting the past

week, thinking straight isn't exactly what I was

doing. “I don't know.”

Jane gives me a funny look. “Is everything

alright? Was the hot guy just a fling or something

and you want it to be more?” Her gaze turns

whimsical again.

“I don't know.” I drop down into the floor to

sit and prop my chin on my knees. “Things are

complicated.”

“So uncomplicate then.”

“It's not that easy.”

“Why? Is it one of Killian’s friends?” Jane

asks. “I know how overprotective he can be. Does

he not know?”

“It was a football player,” I finally manage

to force out. “But the majority of the football team

are manwhores so it probably didn't mean

anything.”

Wasn't that was Killian was trying to tell

me? He didn't know it was me and was just doing

his normal weekend partying when I came along?

How he called me hot like it was extremely

obvious to everyone but me.

“Well that makes sense why you'd be so

conflicted over it,” Jane muses. “Do you think he

was interested in you?”

“Um,” I swallow my suddenly dry throat

and think back to the feel of him pressed up against

me. “Maybe?”

“Well it seems like he was probably really

into you with the way he gave you a hickey. I didn't

think people outside of high school gave hickies

anymore,” she laughs.

“I didn't realize my neck was so sensitive,” I

blush. “I didn't even know who he was until the

very last moment.”

“Aw,” Jane sighs dreamily. “This is like the

beginning of a beautiful romance.”

Or an epic disaster.

“So you realized he was close to Killian and

now it's turning into some forbidden love ordeal.”

“No one is in love. I don't even know how I

feel right now about it.”

“I mean do you think it's worth it?” Jane

asks. “If you feel something that is.”

“I have no idea. I just feel really confused

and out of sorts.”

“Sounds about normal. So what are you

going to do about it?”

I sigh. “Guess I'm going to go see him after

classes and hopefully not screw up my apology.”

“Your apology?”

“I was kind of mean,” I wince.

“It's never good to be mean to someone you

like,” Jane chastises. “Especially if he made you

feel something.”

“I guess,” I answer vaguely.

I'm saved from having to go on with this

conversation when the professor walks in with our

model that we draw. And from there, at least for an

hour, I don't have to think about how the last seven

days have wrecked havoc on my life and made me

ultimately confused.

What if I actually started to have feelings

beyond just friendship for Killian?

Chapter Ten

Killian

The door to the locker room opens again,

and even though it's been almost two weeks since it

happened last, it's like witnessing a moment repeat

itself in time.

“There's a girl in the locker room!”

someone bellows.

Coach Stephen raises his eyebrows at me

from where he's standing talking to the assistant

coach. And it's then that it clicks and I know it's

Lila who just barged her way into the guys locker

room. How she's able to do that without getting

caught is still a mystery to me.

Her red hair swings around her shoulders as

she rounds the corner and halts about eight feet

away. The storm clouds in her eyes turn hazy and I

realize that she's staring at my chest with that glassy

look.

I'm only in basketball shorts and my shoes.

Haven't had time to throw my shirt on yet since

practice let out over five minutes ago. But the fact

that my bare chest stops her in her tracks, makes

me a little proud and a whole lot confused.

“Lila?” I question as I take a step towards

her.

Her whole body shifts one step away in a

jerky movement. The hair that had been hiding her

face, now falling away to reveal a little mark on her

neck. This time it's me to goes stone still.

Did I do that?

“I'm sorry,” she suddenly blurts out.

She looks so uncomfortable that it snaps me

out of my own daze. “What?”

“I'm sorry,” she repeats slowly.

“Sorry about what?” My heart's beating a

rhythm far too quick for my liking.

“For saying that our friendship was a

problem. It's not. I was worried about Brad wanting

to be with me to get to you, and how it's happened

before, that I just took it out on you.”

I don't say anything. I'm not sure what to

say.

“But it wasn't like that. He actually hates

you. Apparently you slept with his girlfriend

freshman year and so he just doesn't want to be

with a girl who's actually into you. But then he

spent the whole night pretty much belittling me that

I'm not your type because I'm not hot enough.”

At least her comment about demanding to

know if she was hot at the party suddenly made

sense.

“So I'm sorry.”

“I don't sleep with taken girls.” It's the first

thing that pops out of my mouth before I can think

more about what she said.

“I know you don't,” she sighs. “I told him

that, too. Didn't seem to care too much if you knew

or not.”

We both grow quiet as the others in the

locker room start to clear out to give us privacy.

How two weeks managed to flip my world upside

down, I have no idea. But I hate this feeling of not

being close to her anymore.

“Everything is weird now.”

“Yeah,” I sigh and walk towards her until

we're only two feet apart. I cross my arms over my

chest so I don't reach out and yank her to me in a

hug. “It is. I'm sorry about what happened on

Sunday night.”

Lila’s face turns red and she glances

around, but we're pretty much alone except for the

few guys at the far end of the room. Even Coach is

gone.

“It was a mistake.”

“Right,” she clears her throat. “It was.”

She goes to say something else but makes a

squeaky noise when I cup my hand around the back

of her head and tilt it to the side to get a better view

of the mark on her neck.

“Killian?” she breathes out and her eyes

have gone glassy again.

“This mark,” I brush a fingertip across it

and watch her shiver, “did I do this to you?”

“Um.”

“Did Bradley do this?” I frown. I'm

suddenly feeling very irrational about the thought

of Bradley touching her in the same spot I did.

Which is ridiculous, I remind myself. But I

don't care.

“Lila?”

“I can't think straight when you're touching

me,” she admits softly.

Yup. That proud feeling is starting to

overtake the confusion. “Why not?”

“I just can't.” She swallows.

“So who did this?” I run my finger back

over the mark and she must be able to feel it,

because her eyes drift to half-mast.

“You.”

Me.

“At the party.” Her voice has gone back to

being squeaky. “When you, uh, kissed me.”

I really want to kiss you properly right now.

Okay, I feel my body go still again. Am I

really having these thoughts about my best friend?

About Lila, who's always been there?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Her gunmetal eyes look up at me and I'm

suddenly a lot closer to her than I thought I was.

We're almost touching, but not quite there yet.

I clear my throat and take a small step

backwards. Apparently having her in close

proximity makes it hard to think straight, too.

“So now what?” she asks softly.

“Do you want to grab some food?” I ask

her. “A bunch of us were headed to the Union.”

“The only place in town that can feed the

whole football team,” she jokes.

I relax and smile at her. “You got it, baby

doll.”

It should be noted that I am trying, really

trying, to not look at the mark I left on her neck as

we sit at the table.

Alex gave his nod of approval when we

showed up, but Ian's been quiet while sitting on the

other side of me.

I don't know what's going on with Ian.

Sometimes it feels like he's waiting for me to

explode or something; but over what, I don't know.

Lila is sitting on my right, her chin propped

up on her fist as she listens to some of the football

tales. She looks good today in her t-shirt and shorts.

And now that we're at least talking again, it's nice

to see that little smile curving the corners of her

lips.

“But Killian has the best stories,” one of my

teammates says.

“You do?” Lila lifts an eyebrow st me in

question.

“None you want to hear about,” I shrug.

“Did you haze someone and feel bad about

it?” she asks.

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“Mostly about how fast he can sneak a girl

into his room at away games,” Ian deadpans.

“Oh,” she squeaks.

I glare at Ian but he's too busy looking at his

phone to notice my annoyance.

“I guess that's not really surprising since

that's your M.O.”

“Lila,” I sigh and drape my arm around her

shoulders to give her a gentle squeeze.

“What?” she looks at me warily.

“I haven't done that in a while.” About two

months to be exact. Which, for me, should feel like

a lifetime. But I was serious about wanting

someone who didn't want the football player

version of me.

Even with my little slip up on Sunday night.

“Eh, he's right,” Alex chimes in. “I guess

Killian hasn't done that in a while at away games.

Still looking on weekends, though.”

Lila shifts uncomfortably and tries to shrug

off my arm that's still around her. I hold firmly

instead of giving her what she wants.

“Yeah, but it's getting a little old,” I say.

“Maybe I've just partied too much that I've

basically gotten it all out of my system.”

Everyone stops to stare at me.

“What?” I scowl. “I'm not allowed to think

partying is a waste of time when it's not what I

want anymore?”

“And what do you want?” Alex asks,

propping his chin on his fist like Lila had done and

batting his eyes at me.

God, I want to hit him. Maybe a few times

in the face to make a point. “Just someone who I

can chill with. There's no pressure to put on a front

or talk about football all the time.”

“Hey,” Gage scowls from across the table.

“Football is a great topic to talk about.”

“Sure, with all of you assholes,” I smirk.

“Lila, do you like talking about football?”

Alex asks her.

She hesitates before answering. “Well,” she

winces at me, “not so much. Killian used to make

me sit on the practice feel and pretend call the

plays he made up when he was a kid out to him. I

learned way too much about football.”

Everyone starts snickering at that.

“You made her call plays out to you?” Alex

snorts. “Gee, no wonder you have such a big head

on the field. Thinking you know everything.”

“I do know everything,” I point at him.

“Enough to get the ball at least.”

“He has a point,” Ian shrugs. “He does get

the ball. That's why the NFL is looking at him.”

“So what else did Killian make you do as

kids?” Gage asks Lila. “We need dirt.”

“No, you don't,” I frown.

Lila ignores me though and leans forward.

“In middle school, he was starting to get really

popular and all the girls wanted his attention. He

hated it.”

“Why would you hate it?” Gage scoffs.

“I wanted to focus on sports,” I roll my

eyes. “Forgive me for not wanting a harem of

girls.”

“Anyways,” Lila cuts in, “he used to tell

people that we were dating so they'd leave him

alone.”

“And you went along with it?” Ian quirks an

eyebrow.

“He bought me dessert for the whole

charade,” Lila shrugs. “I'm not crazy. Who in their

right mind is going to turn down an extra cookie or

a slice of chocolate cake?”

“She was probably the envy of everyone at

lunch,” I chuckle.

She'd only faked being my girlfriend all of

seventh grade. Eighth grade I'd figured out that girls

were cool and flirting took practice. I don't think I'd

ever flirted with Lila, just brought her food and ate

with her.

Man, those were simpler times.

“Did you like being his girlfriend?” Alex

asks.

Damn, he's not even trying to be subtle at

all. His eyes are twinkling in mischief and I know

for a fact if he was within arms distance, I would

have whacked him upside the head for that

comment.

“I don't think it really counts,” Lila shrugs.

“I mean, we didn't do anything. All he ever said

was that we were together. We hung out all the time

so everyone just bought into it. But nothing special

ever happened.”

“Aw,” Gage fake pouts. “So he wasn't your

first kiss?”

“Hell no,” she starts to laugh. “My first kiss

was with Archie on the swings in fifth grade. After

that,” she pauses and bites her lip as she thinks, “I

think it was Sam who played on the baseball team

in eighth grade.” She pauses again before adding,

“Yeah, it was definitely Sam.”

“I take it Killian scared him off?” Ian asks.

“No,” I answer immediately. “Alex had the

pleasure of doing that.”

“Because you dared me, you fuckwit,” Alex

points at me. He'd grown up in Hanson too, joining

our little group later on in life when girls weren't

normal to have around as often without people

thinking you were into them.

“Either way,” Lila raises her voice to talk

over us, “Sam didn't last long. Alex threatened to

beat him up or something.”

“That is not what happened,” Alex

immediately jumps in. “He kissed you and was

going around telling everyone about it and

bragging.”

“I'm not hearing the bad part in this,” Gage

shrugs.

“There wasn't a bad part,” Lila rolls her

eyes.

“Anyways,” Alex continues, “I come up to

him and tell him that he's running his mouth about

Killian's best friend. And of course, Killian is

standing there with me all pissed off from Sam

kissing Lila.”

“Why did you care?” Gage turns to me.

I don't answer.

“So Sam tells me to shove off, and Killian

dares me to hit him,” Alex finishes.

“You dared Alex to hit Sam because Sam

was going around telling people he kissed me?” Lila

gapes.

“You shouldn't brag about kissing someone.

It's rude,” I frown. “Haven't you ever heard don't

kiss and tell?”

“We were twelve!” Lila grunts in frustration

and stares around the table. “Do you see how much

of a caveman he's always been? It's ridiculous.”

No one tries to refute her on that. They're

all very well aware of how overprotective and

ridiculous I am. Although I'm starting to wonder if

maybe overprotective is just another word I like to

use instead of jealous.

Because I can admit to being jealous back

then. Irrationally so. I didn't want Lila kissing

anybody or having anyone else take her attention

off of me. I've always been selfish with her, and it's

something to this day that I've not grown out of.

Lila flips her hair over her shoulder and

rolls her eyes at me. I'm too busy staring at the

mark that's now on full display for everyone in the

Union to see.

So yeah, I might actually be jealous.

And yeah, I might have a thing for my best

friend.

This is going to be a disaster.

Chapter Eleven

Lila

“...but what you're really going to love is

that it's a dance,” Nina keeps going.

“Why would I love that it's a dance?” I ask

before rolling onto my stomach to look at her right-

side instead of upside down. “I'm not even invited,”

I point out.

“You will be.”

That makes me snort. “By who?”

“I thought Killian asked you last year?”

Nina frowns at me.

“He did,” I answer bluntly. “Up until twenty

minutes before he was supposed to come get me

and then texted to tell me he was taking another

girl.”

“He did what?” Her mouth falls open.

“It was last year,” I tell her. “Put your

murdery face away.”

“Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I know

about this?”

“Because it wasn't a big deal?” I shrug.

“Just like this year it isn't a big deal.”

“It's the sports banquet for after the

playoffs, win or lose! Of course it's a big deal.”

Maybe to her, but not to me.

“I'll ask him to take you. I need someone to

talk to while they drone on and on about sports.”

“You do realize, like you just pointed out,

that it's a sports banquet?”

“So?” Nina stomps her foot in irritation. “I

still want you to come.”

“I don't get to make that decision. And

besides, it's two months away. Killian could meet

someone by then and be happy.”

“He won't,” she answers matter-of-factly.

“Pray tell, how do you know that?” I raise

my eyebrows at her.

“Lila, you're obtuse.”

“No, I'm not.”

“You're the exact kind of girl he's looking

for. You fit his description to a T of what he wants

in a girl. Doesn't care about his popularity? You.

Doesn't care if he goes to the NFL? You. Doesn't

want someone to fawn all over him? Definitely you.

Are you noticing a pattern here?”

“Me.”

Nina smiles, pleased with my answer.

“Exactly.”

“Doesn't matter. Just because I fit the

criteria doesn't mean he thinks of me that way.”

“So it's just one major coincidence that he

describes you but doesn't want you? That's really

what you're going with here?”

“It's all I've got.”

“Why?” She rolls her eyes. “Because you

think he couldn't possibly be into you?”

“I don't have to think, I know he isn't. He's

never made any moves on me.”

“Oh,” Nina deadpans, “you mean like when

he got all up in your grill and started making sexy

moves on you? Or when he gave you a hickey?

Yeah,” she snorts, “that definitely sounds like

someone who isn't into you.”

“He didn't know it was me! And he called it

a mistake.”

“Potato, po-tah-toe.”

“It is not!”

Nina squints at me. “Do you like him,

Lila?”

“What?” I reel back as much as I can from

my position on the bed.

Nina answers slowly, enunciating each word

as she speaks, “Do you like Killian Blane?”

“I don't know. Maybe.”

“That's not a no.”

“It's not a yes.”

Nina glares at me. “I can't tell if you're

being a moron on purpose or you actually have no

idea. But I'm pretty sure you do. And there's

nothing wrong with it. It was bound to happen

eventually.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” I gape.

“Oh, come on, Lila. He's freaking gorgeous.

You're not blind.”

“I can admit he's gorgeous.”

“The kind of gorgeous you want to tackle

and make out with.”

“Oh, so now I'm tackling him?” I snort.

“You should.”

“Nina!” I stare at her. She's insane if she

thinks that's something I really want to do. Well, it

might be now that I think about it some more.

“What?” she asks, looking taken aback.

“I can't just, you know, go around tackling

people.”

“You wouldn't be tackling people, just

Killian.” Her eyes light up. “Get it? You'd be

tackling him, since he plays football? I'm so

hilarious.”

“Real Comedy Central material here,” I

deadpan.

“Besides, you should've seen the way you

two looked together at that party.” She wiggles her

eyebrows. “Definitely into one another.”

“We didn't even know who the other one

was!”

“So? That's just chemistry speaking for

itself.”

“I don't want to have chemistry with

Killian.”

Nina blinks at me. “I think you do. I think

you've been around long enough to realize that

you're perfect for each other and you just don't

want to get hurt. Think about it, Lila. I've been your

friend for three years now. How many

conversations have we had about Killian?” She

gentles her tone to add, “It's okay to have a crush

on someone that literally everyone on campus has a

crush on.”

“If I just agree can we stop talking about

this?”

“Probably not, but I'll take your agreement

that you like him.”

I roll over so I can sit upright and sigh

heavily. “Okay, so I might have a crush on Killian.

Maybe.”

“Why is this so confusing for you?”

“Because I don't think about him that way.

And then, you know, that night happened. And I

just keep thinking about how I liked it, before I

realized it was Killian. It put butterflies in my

stomach. But maybe it's just from the alcohol and

not knowing who it was.”

“We didn't drink but two beers each that

night. And you're not a lightweight, so I don't think

you can blame it on the alcohol.”

Which means the butterflies were real.

Great. Just great.

“So I guess I like Killian.” The words feel

funny coming out of my mouth. New and a little

scary. “This is going to be a disaster, you realize

that don't you?”

“Why would it be a disaster?”

“Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe because he's

my best friend?”

“Best friends fall in love all the time.”

“We're not in love! I don't even know if he

likes me.”

Nina stares at me. Her eyes flicker towards

the door then back to me. I can already see where

her mind is going, but she says it anyways. “Go tell

him.”

“Are you insane?” I screech. “Why would I

do that?”

She gives me her best Duh face. “Because

you like him.”

Yeah, definitely going to be a disaster.

I take it back. What I thought would be a

disaster before wasn't anywhere close to how I'm

feeling right now. The football team is throwing a

backyard barbeque. Or maybe backyard-of-the-

apartment-complex barbeque would be more

accurate.

Either way there's a massive amount of

people here and Nina finally found an outfit to

wear after searching all morning. Why anyone felt

the need to dress up just to eat a hamburger was

beyond me.

Killian's standing next to Alex and Ian,

looking deep in conversation. So I take this time to

look at Killian, really look at him from my new

perspective of liking him.

He's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The

material of each molding to his body like they were

made specifically for him. Whoever said guys with

flat butts are nice, lied. Because his ass looks

amazing and it's definitely not flat.

Normally I'd be shoving these thoughts

away, and it takes me a moment to remember that

it's okay if I like him. Just because, like Nina

pointed out earlier, I have a small crush on

someone that everyone on campus has a crush on,

it doesn't mean I have to act on it.

At that moment, as if Killian can sense me

behind him, he turns and locks eyes with me

immediately. Almost like a magnet.

“You're here,” Killian says.

“Why wouldn't I be here?”

“Usually you're early.” He points up to

where the window of my apartment is. “Since you

live right there.”

“It look Nina longer than I thought to pick

out an outfit.” I turn to gesture towards Nina on the

opposite side of the lawn. She's got on a skirt and a

fancy tank top.

“That explains it,” Killian smiles.

“Hey, Lila,” Alex says from over Killian's

shoulder. “It's so nice of you to ask me and Ian how

we are. We're doing great, thanks for asking.”

Ian snorts.

“Hi guys,” I wave to them and step into

their little circle.

“So what's up?” Ian asks.

“Not much.”

“Anything new?” Alex ponders

Jesus. Do I have I like Killian Blane

tattooed on my forehead and no one told me? I

didn't think so. “Not really.”

“So where's Brad?” Ian asks and looks

around the yard. “Did you invite him?”

“Ah,” I scratch the back of my neck, “no.

No, I didn't.”

“What happened to your date? Did it not go

well?” Ian frowns.

“Look,” I sigh. “I just told him I wasn't

interested in him anymore and we went our

separate ways.”

“You did?” Killian looks like he's not sure if

he believes me or not.

“Well, he hates you,” I remind Killian.

“And I just don't like the fact that everyone thinks

I'm some either weirdo or goddess for not having

knocked boots with you.”

“So his dislike of me meant you didn't want

to be with him?” Killian looks far too pleased by

that.

“Not exactly,” I roll my eyes.

Before either of us can say anything else, a

few girls slip between Killian and me. One keeps

going until she's standing next to Alex, while the

two others are practically pawing at Killian’s shirt.

“Ladies,” Ian smirks. He slips from between

Killian and Alex to stand next to me. He lowers his

voice and says, “You'd think these groupies would

give them one minute of peace, but no.”

“Why don't you have any groupies?” I ask

him in a hushed tone.

“I do,” Ian shrugs. “But I've never actually

gotten involved with any of them, so they don't

come up to me like they do with these two idiots.”

He pauses. “Well, they do sometimes but very

rarely.”

“Jeez,” I wince. Looking back over at

Killian, it takes every bone in my body to not react

to the fact he's got both arms flung over those two

girls. He's not paying a lick of attention to them

while he carries on a conversation with Alex.

“Killian,” one of them whines and tugs on

his shirt that she's got fisted in her hand.

He glances down at her and frowns a little.

“What?”

“We wanted to know if you'd come dance

with us,” she complains.

Killian glances over to the makeshift dance

floor where there's mostly girls moving around.

“No, I'm good for right now, but thanks for asking.”

The other girl, who hasn't spoken yet, is

staring at me rather obviously and is starting to

make me uncomfortable. I shift towards Ian to tell

him that she's freaking me the hell out, but before I

can say anything, the girl finally speaks up.

“Aren't you the girl who got dumped by

Killian last weekend?” she asks. “Why are you

over here?”

Our entire little group goes eerily silent.

“I didn't get dumped by Killian,” I roll my

eyes in frustration that that seems to be what

everyone thought happened. “We got in a fight.

We're good now.”

“Oh,” the girl frowns tightly. She looks up at

Killian. “So you have a girlfriend now?”

Killian and I lock eyes. Neither of us is

saying anything. And now that's freaking me out.

He's never hesitated in correcting someone about us

being friends, and neither have I. But the fact that

neither of us is saying anything at all makes me

wonder if he's feeling this pull, too?

“We're just friends,” Killian finally grunts.

Yeah, okay. Or maybe it's just me feeling

this way.

Chapter Twelve

Killian

I can't read Lila’s expression as she stands

across from me with Ian. And while I may not be

able to know what she's thinking, Ian's shaking his

head adamantly back and forth at me.

What did I do wrong?

“Best friends,” I add on, in case Ian thinks

I'm selling Lila short. Which I definitely don't want

to do.

“Oh,” Brittney sighs since she asked the

question to Lila. “Everyone's saying you dumped

her.”

Why would I dump Lila? I can't even get

Lila to see me, let alone date me. It's like the

universe thinks it's hilarious to finally make it

apparent that the things I want in a girl, are the

things that solely make up Lila.

“He didn't dump me,” Lila repeats bluntly.

“I didn't dump her,” I agree.

“No one would believe you were even

dating her anyways,” Brittney shrugs.

“Why not? Lila’s great,” I frown.

“I'd date her,” Ian smirks.

Lila rolls her eyes at his remark, but I

suddenly have the very strong urge to deck Ian for

saying that. If his goal was to get a rise out of me,

he succeeded.

“I think Lila needs to go on a hiatus from

guys for a while,” I huff. Maybe I'll scrape together

enough money to send her to a lone island where

she won't keep finding all these assholes. And then

I could think straight for once.

“Only if you'll go on a hiatus from girls,”

Lila responds sweetly.

Did she think I was joking? I drop my arms

from around the two girls and step towards her,

holding out my hand for her to shake. “Deal.”

Her eyes widen and flicker around the lawn.

“Killian, I was messing around.”

“I wasn't.”

Her grey eyes narrow at me. “I'm not going

to take a hiatus. If someone comes along, then I

shouldn't have to avoid finding happiness just

because you want me to steer clear of anyone with

a Y chromosome.”

“Why? I think my reasoning is extremely

valid.”

“Well, it's not.” Lila folds her arms across

her chest and it's distracting.

She's wearing another pair of shorts that are

far too short for my liking, but are probably

considered pretty decent compared to what some of

the other girls here are wearing. And she's got on

one of my old t-shirts, the wide collar showing off a

purple bra strap against her creamy skin. We're

both wearing our cowboy boots, but she doesn't

look like she's from a small town with that attitude

she's tossing around.

“You're being ridiculous again,” she adds.

I take a step towards her, until personal

space no longer feels like a real concept that exists.

She throws her head back, angling her chin in

defiance as she glares back at me.

It's hot when she does that. She's more

covered up than probably every girl here, and she's

the most beautiful and stunning woman in her

simplicity.

“I don't think wanting to protect you from

every asshole walking by makes me ridiculous.”

“It doesn't. It's how you go about that,” Ian

snickers.

I look around, remembering that we have an

audience, but it looks like all the other girls left. So

it's back to just me, Alex, Ian, and Lila.

“I go about it just fine.”

“Uh-huh,” Alex snorts. “Sure you do.”

“See?” Lila waves her arms around.

“Everyone else agrees with me.”

“Oh no, you should definitely avoid guys,”

Ian shakes his head. “I'm with Killian on that one. I

just think he needs a new approach.”

“Yeah,” Alex gives me an evil grin. “Like

maybe Killian should be the one to find you a guy.”

“What!” Lila gapes.

“What?” I growl. Like hell am I going to do

that and he damn well knows it.

“You're kidding me,” Lila scoffs. “I would

never meet anyone that way.”

“Maybe that's the point,” Alex smirks.

I hate him. I really do.

Of course Alex’s implication that it's

because I want her goes completely over her head.

“You can't just keep me away from everyone.”

“Not everyone,” I grunt. “Just the entire

male population.”

“That would include you,” she defends.

I shrug. It's not like I have a shot anyways.

“Yeah, and?”

“Seriously?” her voice rises. “This is insane.

All of you are insane.” She stomps away from us to

head towards Nina.

Alex clears his throat. “I think that went

well.”

“I don't think you're going to be able to

keep her away from guys, though,” Ian adds. “But

she seems to have forgiven you for trying to plant

your ownership with that little hickey incident.”

I sigh. “I wasn't trying to do that.”

“But you seemed awful proud of it,” Alex

smirks.

So what if I did? It let others know to stay

away from her.

“Uh-oh,” Ian says. “I don't like the look on

his face.”

Alex squints. “What look?”

“Do you think Lila would agree to go out

with me if I asked?” I question out loud.

“That look,” Ian gestures to my face. “That

I've gone completely off the deep end look.”

“Woah, hold up a minute. You want to ask

Lila out?” Alex gapes at me. “Like on a date?”

“Do you even know how to date?” Ian

throws out there.

I scowl at both of them. “Of course I know

how to date a girl. I've had girlfriends before.”

“Not since high school,” Alex shakes his

head. “You've had one night ‘dates’ all throughout

college, sure. But never taken anyone on a date

with the possibility of becoming your girlfriend.”

“What about when I take Lila out for

milkshakes?” I frown.

Ian shakes his head. “Doesn't count unless

she knows it's a date.”

“So I should ask her out.”

“Dude,” Alex scowls at me. “She literally

just got dumped and then turned around and shot

down another guy. I think she needs some time to

recuperate.”

“How long am I supposed to give her?” I

demand. Where Lila is concerned, patience is not

something that I deal with easily.

“Is this, like, some sort of fling idea?” Alex

asks. “Or are you serious? Because you're putting

your whole friendship on the line here if you go

after her.”

Was I ready to put my friendship on the line

with Lila to risk something more?

“Two months,” Ian suggests. “If you still

feel this way in two months, ask her out. That's

enough time, I think, to get over someone. And it's

enough time for you to decide if it's worth it or

not.”

“Two months?” I wince. God, that sounded

like forever.

“Until the banquet,” Ian shrugs. “There.

You have a goal to work towards.”

“So what am I supposed to do in the

meantime?”

“Act normal,” Alex rolls his eyes. “Duh.”

Act normal? How was I supposed to act

normal for two whole fucking months when all I

could think about was getting her by herself so that

I could kiss her again. But to taste her mouth this

time.

That's what I want.

And I doubt acting normal was going to get

me it.

“From the way he looks like he wants to hit

something, I don't think he agrees with you,” Alex

tells Ian.

“He’ll be fine,” Ian says while eyeballing

me. “Won't you, Killian?”

“That feels like forever,” I groan.

“Dude has it bad,” Alex smirks. “Totally

called it.”

“How can you call something like that?” Ian

snorts.

“Uh, hello, because I've known him and

Lila since high school. I called it in my head a long

time ago that this would happen,” Alex explains.

“Therefore, I called it.”

“It doesn't count if you're the only one who

knows you called it,” Ian laughs.

Alex scowls at him.

Jesus, this is driving me over the edge.

“Both of you really aren't helping the situation right

now,” I inform them. “At all.”

“What situation? You don't even technically

have a situation,” Alex jokes.

My answering glare seems to snap them out

of it.

“Okay, okay,” Alex relents with his hands

raised in surrender. “You have a situation.”

“So what to do for two months?” Ian

ponders. “That's the question.”

“Be normal,” Alex immediately responds.

“Don't be a creeper.”

Ian snaps his fingers and points at me in

silent agreement to what Alex just said.

“I'm never creepy,” I defend.

“Okay, maybe creepy was the wrong word,”

Alex clears his throat. “Maybe homicidal would be

better.”

“You're definitely homicidal when guys

come up to Lila,” Ian nods his head. “Or when one

breathes in the same room as her.”

“I hate you both,” I sigh.

“We can't help it if you're crazy when it

comes to her,” Alex shrugs.

“So two months?” I try and steer the topic

off of guys hanging around Lila. “I wait two

months? That's the entire game plan?”

“I think there need to be rules if you're

going to seriously try and be with her,” Ian says

calmly.

“Definitely gotta quit whoring around,”

Alex agrees. “Girls don't like that.” He pauses

before correcting himself, “Girls like Lila don't like

that.”

“I doubt the football groupies like it either,

but they're not to be taken seriously,” Ian adds on.

“Okay,” I answer slowly. “So I don't party

so much. Or at all. Seems like an easy fix.”

“And don't flirt with anyone else,” Ian says.

“That way she'll know you're serious.”

“I don't flirt with anyone now,” I frown.

“Dude,” Alex scowls. “You just had your

arm around two girls that both weren't Lila. That

constitutes as flirting.”

Huh. Well okay then.

“Try and ignore the groupies,” Ian

continues on with his advice. “Eventually they'll

get the hint without you having to be rude. But

some won't and just be prepared to out your

feelings for Lila if it comes down to it.”

“If both of you have all of this wonderful

advice I'm supposed to be taking, why do neither of

you have girlfriends?” I ask.

Alex frowns angrily. “Not after the last one

I had.”

“Haven't found anyone who interests me,”

Ian answers.

Great. So I'm alone in this.

I can't imagine this ending well.

“So I just roll with it, don't do anything I

usually do so that way when I ask her out she'll

know I'm serious?” I clarify.

“Basically do everything opposite that you

do with everyone else,” Alex nods his head.

“Exactly.”

I look around, spotting Lila easily dancing

with Nina on the makeshift dance floor. The song is

different, but they're dancing pretty much the same

as the night of the frat party. What I wouldn't give

to be able to walk over there and drag her against

me to dance with.

“He's back to staring again,” Alex sighs

loudly, dragging my attention off of Lila. When I'm

looking at him, he's grinning widely like the

smartass he is.

“You can't look at her longingly or she'll

know,” Ian smacks the back of my head.

I rub at the stinging area. “What the hell,

man? I'm just looking at her.”

“This is looking at her,” Alex glances over

at Lila for a few seconds before looking back at

me. “That's not what you were doing. This is what

you were doing.” He glances back towards Lila and

makes puppy-dog eyes at her.

“See the difference?” Ian gestures towards

Alex’s face.

“I feel like this suddenly got way more

fucking complicated than it needs to be,” I say and

scrub my hands over my face in irritation.

“Probably,” Ian agrees. “But it'll be worth

it.”

“Maybe you should go home after the game

this weekend,” Alex suggests. “Get away from

football parties and temptations. See if maybe it'll

get your head on straight so you stop freaking

yourself the hell out.”

I sigh and glance back towards Lila. The

setting sun is making her red hair shine like a rosey

halo. “Yeah,” I clear my throat as I turn back

towards my two best guy friends. “Maybe dad has

some farm work that I can do.”

“That'll definitely keep you busy,” Ian nods.

“And maybe make you able to think

straight,” Alex says.

“And to come up with a plan on how you're

going to win her over,” Ian tacks on.

A plan to win her over?

Suddenly the thought of having a girlfriend

sounds like a lot more work than I imagined it

would be.

Chapter Thirteen

Lila

Nina whistles, drawing her sunglasses down

the bridge of her nose as she stares at the football

players running around at practice in front of us.

“Gee-zus,” she breathes. “They look so

good out there. All sweaty and stuff.” She tugs on

the front of her shirt. “I feel sweaty just watching

them.”

“Mm,” I make a noncommittal noise.

“Oh my God,” Nina breathes out. “Look!

That guy is flipping over a tractor tire. A tire, Lila!

Why do you not look the least bit surprised?”

Because I'm not. “It's a normal workout

routine for them,” I shrug.

It's Monday afternoon, three days since the

cookout that had my stomach jumbled in knots.

Which had been a week since we fought and made

up.

Three stinking weeks that made my life feel

like it was slipping out of my grasp and fumbling

around in the wind all willy-nilly.

“Where's Killian?” Nina asks, leaning

forward in the bleachers seat next to me.

“Over there.” I point off down the field a

ways where Killian's wearing a practice jersey, like

everyone else, with his number on it. He takes off

into a sprint, twisting around other players until he

breaks off into a clearing and catches the ball,

comes to a stop and then repeats the process over

and over.

“Why can't my boyfriend look that good

doing that?” she sighs.

“Because he's over there,” I point towards

the other end of the field where all the linemen are

slamming into one another.

“Right,” Nina says dreamily.

Good Lord. She's hopelessly in love when it

comes to her boyfriend. Which I guess is a good

thing, I suppose.

“I can't wait until Jackson and I move in

together next year,” she says happily. “We'll get to

see each other every day and night. I'll get to cook

for him and he'll give me foot massages. It'll be

great.”

“If you say so.”

“What's the matter with you, Debby

Downer?”

“Do you think I go through guys pretty

fast?” I ask her. It's been something that's been

bothering me since the quick turn-around from

Jared to Brad.

“Where is this coming from?” She puckers

her lips and frowns.

“Well,” I answer nervously. “ I was just

thinking about how fast I went from Jared to Brad.

It was barely a week.”

“Big difference,” Nina shakes her head.

“Jared was a jackhole who forgot to dump you

while he went and got himself a new girlfriend. And

then Killian took Ian's advice to pimp you out to get

you over the whole jackhole issue.”

“He wasn't trying to pimp me out.”

“Close enough,” she waves one hand

dismissively. “And in that process of being pimped

out, you realized that you like Killian. So, no.”

“But what about before Jared?”

“Babe,” Nina sighs heavily and lays her

hands on my shoulders so I'm forced to look

directly at her. “You like relationships. Clear,

precisely drawn-out relationships. And that's

perfectly fine. You're not cut out of the whole one

night wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am type ordeal.

And that's something to be proud of.”

“Is it, though?” I question. “I feel like I'm

missing out.”

“On what? Getting an STD? Feeling guilt

and shame? There's a reason it's called the walk of

shame, and it doesn't involve feeling like kittens

and rainbows.”

“I don't know if I want another relationship.

Killian doesn't even do relationships.”

“Maybe he'll change his mind.”

I raise my eyebrows at her.

“Okay, point taken,” she relents. “Not likely

to happen, but it still could.”

“But it won't.”

“Jesus, your mom should've named you

Negative Nancy with that kind of attitude,” Nina

grumbles in irritation.

“Sorry.”

“So, what's so wrong if you don't want a

relationship and he doesn't do relationships? That's

almost like fate slapping you in the face and

handing this opportunity to you on a silver plate.

Take it.”

“But my friendship with him means

something.”

“Honey,” Lila laughs, “your friendship is

already in tatters when you look like you want to

get jiggy with him.”

“Get jiggy?” I stare at her in horror. “Who

the hell says that?”

“Me.”

“You need to have a different approach to

that.” I start listing off things on my fingers one at a

time. “Sex. Boink. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Fuck.

Hell, I would even accept poke as an answer.”

“Seriously?” Nina rolls her eyes. “Poke is

okay but jiggy isn't?”

“You sound like a toddler when you say

jiggy.”

Nina glares back at me. “I do not.” Her eyes

flicker back towards the field. “Oh look, they're

wrapping up.” She waves her arms obnoxiously in

the air with a big smile, attracting a few of the

players attention as they head towards one of their

coaches.

“What are you doing?” I ask, dreading the

answer.

“I'm trying to get Killian’s attention,” she

huffs. “My God, he can track a football in the

damn sun and can't even notice me? What the hell,

Lila, is he blind?”

“Maybe he doesn't like you,” I tease.

“Killian!” she screams next to me and starts

flapping her arms again.

I wince as she continues to holler his name

and resembles an injured bird trying to take flight.

“What the hell?” a voice booms back and

Nina immediately quits moving her arms. “What is

going on?”

I lean forward and shield my eyes from the

sun so I can get a better view at who's talking to us.

Coach Stephen is standing across from us at the

bottom of the bleachers, his arms folded tightly

across his chest.

“You are aware you're not a damn

hummingbird ready to take flight, aren't ya?” Coach

Stephen demands.

“Uh, yeah,” Nina mumbles.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?

Practice isn't finished. If you want to go flirt with

someone, do it at a time that isn't going to make

them have to run an extra two miles,” Coach

Stephen scowls.

“Sorry,” Nina says and flops back down

next to me.

Coach Stephen looks at me and shakes his

head. “What are you doing flirting with him when

Killian’s girl is sitting right next to you anyways?”

“I'm not his girl,” I say at the same time that

Nina says, “I'm trying to make her his girl.”

Coach Stephen just stares at us for a long

moment before he stalks off grumbling, “I don't

understand the female population on this campus. I

shouldn't have even bothered.”

“That was interesting,” Nina blows out a

breath.

“It could've been worse,” I agree.

“We just got chewed out in front of the

entire football team by their head coach, how could

it possibly get any worse?”

“Your boyfriend could have heard you.”

She waves that comment off. “He would

have understood.”

“Uh, no,” I laugh, “he wouldn't have.”

“Well, he would after I explained why I was

doing it.”

“Maybe.”

“This is really all your fault. You could have

flagged down Killian.”

“They're not done with practice,” I try and

mock Coach Stephen’s voice.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don't.”

“You're right,” she sighs dramatically. “So

how do you think working on the farm went back

home for Killian?”

I shrug my shoulders in response.

“Don't give me that; I know your mother

called you to talk about it. I heard you.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“Because I want details!”

Of course she does. Nina practically lives

for the details of everyone else's business. Maybe

even her own. She was a special kind of person,

that's for damn sure.

“Lila!” she says and shoves my shoulder

impatiently.

“It went fine. He went home, he fed cows,

helped one calve, and then he spent the night, fed

the cows the next morning, then came back here.”

“That's it? Because that doesn't seem like all

of it.”

I sigh. “What do you want me to say?”

“Whatever your mom told you.”

“She wanted to know if I knew Killian was

home for the night.”

“And?”

“And he only comes home when he's upset.

That working the cattle helps him think.”

“Oh my God, this is like pulling teeth,” Nina

groans. “Just spit it out already, will you?”

“She wanted to know if there was a girl,” I

deadpan. “Killian's mom called my mom wanting to

call me to see if I knew if he was having girl

problems. And I said no.” I hold my hands open to

silently add a, There.

“Did you tell her you were having boy

problems?”

“Didn't you already admit to eavesdropping

on my phone call?”

“I was trying to eavesdrop,” Nina clarifies.

“But our walls are thick so it was hard.”

“Then yes, mom knows Jared and I aren't

together.” I add in a brittle voice, “But she was

very quick to tell me how Killian told her that Jared

wasn't good enough for me.”

“I think even your mom knows that Killian

and you need to be together.”

I scowl at her. Killian's mother and my

mother have been trying to plan our wedding since

we were little and became friends. They would be

overly joyed to know that I had a thing for him.

“Stop giving me murdery eyes, I didn't do

anything to you!”

A loud garble of words comes from across

the field where the team is now dispersing from. I

point over towards where a group of guys are

staring at us and one of them is tapping on Killian's

shoulder to get his attention.

“Okay, I might have instigated that,” Nina

agrees without a trace of an apology.

“He's going to come over here,” I hiss at

her.

“What are you, nine? You know how to talk

to him,” Nina huffs and rolls her eyes. “Oh goodie,

my boyfriend’s joining your soon-to-be boyfriends

group. Oh, and now they're coming over here.” She

pokes me in the side. “Good call.”

The boys, now all four of them, hop over

the bottom railing of the bleachers and start to

climb towards us.

Jeez, only Ian is wearing a shirt as they all

flop down in the shade around us. Jackson kisses

Nina’s head and tugs her into an awkward hug

before he lays flat on the bench behind us.

“What did Coach come over here and say?”

Alex asks.

“Oh, you know, how Nina shouldn't flap her

arms like a bird,” I snort.

“I wasn't doing that. I was trying to get

Killian’s attention,” Nina rolls her eyes.

“What?” Jackson frowns from behind her.

“I'm your boyfriend, not him.”

“I know,” Nina blows him a kiss. “But I

wanted to know about Killian's weekend.”

“Jesus, does everyone know I went home

this weekend?” Killian scowls. “I've had, like, nine

girls stop to ask me if I milked my cows and if I did

it shirtless.”

I snort.

“Well, do you?” Alex teases.

“Screw you,” Killian relaxes on the bench

below me. “I work beef. I tried telling those girls

that and, I don't know, I think they took it wrong.”

“That you work with beef?” Jackson grins.

“Gee, I wonder why some city schmucks would've

taken that the wrong way.”

“That's never been a thing before college,”

my best friend grumbles.

“You never answered how going home was,

though,” Nina points out.

“It went fine,” Killian deadpans. “I kept

myself busy.”

“Lila's mom said your mom called her

wanting to know if you were having girl trouble,”

Nina smirks.

Killian rolls his eyes. “My mom gossips with

Lila’s mom every chance she gets. She always

thinks when I come home it's because of a girl.”

“Didn't you?” Ian throws out there with a

grin. “I mean, you've been going on and on about

trying to find someone.”

“Shut the hell up,” Killian scowls over at

him.

“I thought you didn't do relationships?” I

nudge him with my foot as I ask Killian.

His eyes bore into mine for one second

before he shrugs. “I don't.”

Well, that settles my curiosity then.

Chapter Fourteen

Killian

Lila moves a French fry from one side of

her plate to the other. Everyone else has been

actively engaging in conversation since we left the

practice field to come to the Union.

Except her.

She's moody and I don't know why.

And it's bothering me a lot more than I'd

willingly admit out loud.

I'm supposed to be playing it cool, acting

normal and everything while I think of a way to

implement my plan into making her want me. This

past weekend was supposed to help with that, but

all I came up with was kissing her senseless and

telling her she was mine, with or without her

approval.

But that's frowned upon, and therefore

unusable.

“Hey,” I nudge Lila with my knee bumping

into hers. “What's up?”

“Nothing.” She leans away from her plate

and drops her French fry she's been fiddling with. I

reach over and pluck it off her plate, popping it into

my mouth. She scowls at me. “I was going to eat

that.”

“We both know if you were going to eat it,

you would've done so twenty minutes ago when

you apparently decided you hate Union food,” I tell

her and point at her mostly full plate.

She puckers her lips at me and the urge to

kiss her now, in front of everyone, becomes a hard

idea to will away. “I'm just not hungry.”

“You're always hungry.”

“Not today, Killian.”

I frown at her. What did I do wrong? “Now

I know there's something wrong if you aren't

hungry. Just tell me what's wrong.”

“Do you really have girls come up to you

wanting to know all about your business?” Lila

asks. Her grey eyes watch me warily, but I have no

clue why.

“I don't know why that shocks you,” I say

and turn to face her more directly. “You know

better than most people how crazy my life has been

since college started. How everyone knowing

everyone's business in a small town was one thing,

compared to strangers wanting to know me because

I have scouts watching me.”

“This is why I don't fit into your world,” she

mumbles, but I hear her loud and clear.

“Lila,” I reach out and grab her hand,

“you're one of maybe three people that get to know

the real me. I'm not exactly a fan of all the attention

anymore. It's getting old and it's wearing me down.

You fit into my world because you've always been a

part of it. You don't have to fit, you're already

there.”

Lila stares at me, her mouth parted slightly

open in shock or awe, I'm not sure. But she looks

like she's seeing me for the first time and I wonder

if she knows how I feel. If she can tell I'm

struggling with trying to step over that line in the

sand that's been there for so long.

“You're always going to be there,” I give her

a soft smile. “So don't worry about what other

people say or do.”

She's still staring at me without anything

crossing her face.

“Lila?” I ask.

“I hear you,” she nods her head stiffly.

I don't think she does, but I let it go. My

mind can't decipher why she would be upset unless

she was jealous. But this new Killian, the one who

likes his best friend, might just be a masochist in

hoping she's jealous.

No wonder girls get so confused when

they're not sure if a guy likes them back or not. This

shit is confusing as hell.

“What are you two gossiping about over

there?” Alex’s voice breaks our little spell that had

blocked out the rest of the world.

“Wouldn't you like to know,” I smirk and

lean back in my seat to face the table once again.

“If it's good gossip, then we all want to

know,” Nina chimes in.

“There's no gossip,” Lila rolls her eyes and

starts moving another fry around her plate

absentmindedly.

I snatch the fry and eat it. Lila glares at me

then drops her hands down into her lap so I'll stop

taking the food she's playing with.

Like that'll actually stop me. My plates been

cleared of any food for as long as it took Lila to

stand in line to get a chicken sandwich and French

fries. She may be able to fool everybody else at the

table, but I know she only doesn't eat when she's

upset or something is bothering her.

“Then why do you two look so cozy

together?” Nina asks.

Did we look cozy? I glance at Lila and she's

sitting a lot closer than Ian on my right. So maybe it

just came off as being cozy.

“Because we were having a private

conversation that you weren't a part of?” Lila

laughs. “How is that my fault that we were cozy?”

“Ian, did you hear what it was about?” Nina

demands.

Jackson quickly butts in before Ian can

answer, “Babe, what the hell? What is your sudden

obsession with them? Leave it alone.”

Nina opens her mouth, glances at Lila

before back to her boyfriend, then closes her

mouth.

If only I had Jackson around twenty-four-

seven to keep his girlfriend from prying into my

life. She didn't need to make Lila uncomfortable by

insinuating something. Especially since she's not

aware of how I feel.

“This has been real fun,” Lila says blandly

while shoving away from the table before collecting

her plate. “But I'm going to head home.”

“You're no fun,” Nina huffs, but leans into

Jackson’s side. “I'll probably be at Jackson’s

tonight.”

Lila waves her off. “That's fine. Have a

good time.”

The table descends into silence as we watch

her walk away and out the door. Ian nudges my

shoulder and lifts his chin in her direction.

“What?” I frown.

“Dude,” Ian rolls his eyes at me. “Go after

her.”

“Yeah,” Alex adds from across the table.

“Put your plan into action.”

“I don't have a plan,” I shrug.

“Bullshit,” Ian points at me. “There's no

way that you didn't at least think of something

when you went home this weekend.”

I glance over at Nina, who's staring at us

curiously and I want to curse Ian for starting this

conversation where Lila’s best friend can hear.

Shoving away from the table, I snatch up

my plate with a little more force than necessary.

“Fine,” I grunt. “I'm headed out, too.”

I turn my back and make it roughly four

steps before I hear Nina say, “What the hell is

going on?” But no one answers her.

My shoulders relax as I dump my plate and

slide easily out of the Union. Shoving my hands

down into the pockets of my workout pants, I pull

in a deep breath of the salty air.

The people who come to Hanson University

from further inside North Carolina don't quite catch

the air difference at first, until they leave to go

home. When they get back, it's a refreshing scent of

ocean air that blows in the wind.

Lila and I used to go down to the beach on

weekends all the time, even though she mostly hid

under a giant umbrella and rarely risked dashing

into the sun for chance of turning into a lobster.

It seems so obvious now, as I make my way

towards the apartment complex right off campus.

How didn't I see her until now? All of my favorite

memories, and even some of my not-so-favorite

memories, all have Lila wrapped around them at

some point.

I wasn't ready for her then, but I'm ready for

her now. And the only obstacle in my way is

probably sitting on her couch twenty yards in front

of me on the other side of the peeled outside

paneling that makes up the wall.

My fist hesitates to knock. Which is a first.

What am I supposed to say to her when she comes

to the door? But I decide to wing it and knock

anyways.

And wait.

And then wait a little more.

Shit. What if she's not home? She said she

was going home.

Finally, right before I'm ready to knock

again, the door swings open to reveal Lila in a

changed pair of clothes. She has on cotton shorts

and a tank top. Looking like she's about to head to

bed at seven o’clock at night. On a Monday.

“What are you doing here?” Lila asks, her

eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

“I wanted to check on you.” There. I knew

I would come up with something to say.

“Why?”

Okay, now I'm not sure how to approach

this conversation. “Well, you weren't eating.” Wow.

That was lame, Killian.

Lila sighs and shoves open the door to let

me into the apartment that's an exact mirror image

of my own, but with different furniture.

“Thanks,” I grumble and then drop down

onto their red couch.

She tentatively sits at the other end of the

couch, eyeing me strangely. “I feel like I should be

asking you what's wrong.”

“I don't know.” Honest to God’s truth.

“Why did you come here?”

Sighing, I say, “Because you seemed like

you needed someone to be here.”

“Killian.” That's it. She doesn't say anything

else but my name.

Screw it. I can't help help myself when it

comes to her anymore. Reaching out, I drag her

towards me until she's sitting with her side jammed

into mine.

She lays her head down on my shoulder,

staring out blankly at the television that's not turned

on.

“I don't know what to say,” I grunt.

“Neither do I.”

“Why aren't you eating dinner?”

“It's not that big of a deal, Killian. I just

wasn't hungry.”

“You're never not hungry. You could outeat

Ian and Alex if you wanted to. But you barely

touched your food tonight.”

“I've had a lot on my mind.”

“You've been acting weird since I went

home,” I point out. “Did my mom say something to

your mom? Is that why your mom called you?”

“No,” Lila answers slowly. “Like I said,

they just wanted to know if you were having girl

troubles.” She peeks over at me before looking

away quickly, but I haven't stopped looking at her.

“I told them no.”

“Okay? And why is that making you act

weird?”

“Is there a girl problem?” Lila suddenly

blurts out rather loudly.

My eyebrows pull in together. “What?”

“You're not partying,” she tells me like it's

obvious. “You haven't hooked up with a girl. And

you know how I know that? Because a girl came up

to me again asking if we were a thing because you

haven't been around.”

“I told you I want something more out of a

girl now.”

“But you don't want a relationship.”

That's what this is about? That I told her I

didn't want to do relationships? Does she even

know how badly I wanted to tack on because I only

want you at the end? Of course she doesn't.

“And that's fine. I don't want a relationship

either.”

“What?” my voice comes out way higher

than I'd like to admit to. I clear my throat, “This

isn't about wanting to sleep around is it? Because I

told you that's not happening. Ever.”

“No.”

“Baby doll,” I groan in frustration and rub

my hand over my face, “what are you talking

about?”

Lila licks her lips. “Do you remember when

you started calling me baby doll?”

“Yeah,” I frown. She's totally gone off her

rocker now. I have no idea where she's heading

with this. “You used to carry around that Godawful

baby doll that only blinked one eye because the

other one fell out. It was frightening and you

refused to throw it away.”

“And do you remember in high school all

the girls that used to get really mad that you would

call me that?”

No. I feel almost ashamed to say I didn't

know any better to know if that hurt a girl’s

feelings. It's just something I've always called Lila,

never thought twice about not calling her it just to

satisfy someone else. I shake my head.

“Well, it happened.”

“I'm lost. You're angry that I call you baby

doll? It's been fourteen years, you could've said

something a little sooner if you didn't like it.”

“That's not the point.”

“Lila,” I groan in exasperation. “What the

hell is the point?”

“I'm confused,” she answers slowly, but that

still doesn't make any fucking sense to me.

“About what? You've known for over half

your life why I call you that.”

“Killian, I'm trying to tell you something

important.”

I pull in a long breath and look at her. She's

worrying her lip with her teeth and I soften a bit.

She looks like she's ready to bolt out of the room or

throw up. Neither are exactly something I'd be okay

with.

“I'm confused,” she repeats almost in a

whisper, “about you.”

“About me?” I repeat and frown.

“Yeah.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“It's not something you did, it just sort of

happened.”

“Okay,” I answer slowly, not following her

at all. “Because I don't want a relationship and

neither do you? So I made you confused about

what you want?”

“No. Yes. I don't know,” Lila tosses her

head back on the couch. “I'm just going to say it

and I don't want you to say anything, okay?”

“Okay,” I frown.

“I think I like you.”

Did Hell just freeze over? Am I dead or did

she really just say that? And she told me not to say

anything.

God, she caught me so off guard that she

pretty much rendered me speechless. I thought I

was the only one feeling this way.

I'm moving before I even realize it. Cupping

the back of her neck and dragging her face towards

mine. There's no time to register the shock and

make her aware of what I'm doing, although I'm

pretty damn sure it's obvious.

There's absolutely nothing in the world that

could have prepared me for Lila's kiss. She smells

like warm vanilla cupcakes and it's an addicting

scent that makes the kiss feel heady and drugging.

I don't let it last long, maybe a few long,

drawn-out seconds before I pull away and stand up.

My hands are shaking, my heart beating too hard in

my chest.

You're supposed to give her two months,

Killian.

Right. And with that thought, I turn and

walk calmly out of Lila’s apartment to the four feet

it takes for me to enter my own.

That line in the sand?

It's gone.

Chapter Fifteen

Lila

The air feels stale, if that's even possible.

It's like the moment he took over my senses,

I could no longer think straight. To be fair, I had

already quit thinking straight when I decided to tell

Killian what was bothering me.

It was too much pressure, like a balloon

filled with too much air that it was bound to pop.

And I popped.

And he kissed me.

And then he walked out and took all the air

with him, leaving me with stale air and a whole lot

of confusion.

Did that really just happen?

I pinch my arm, then rub at the angry red

mark. Okay, so it was real. He really kissed me.

Holy shit, Killian Blane kissed me.

My best friend. My partner in crime I've

had since I was kid. Someone who drives me insane

and makes me happy all in one swift go around.

And now I'm angry. He fucking left.

Before I can rationalize what I'm doing, I'm

moving to my front door and start slapping my palm

against his door in anger.

It opens a fraction of an inch, but I shove

my way inside. Too hyped up on adrenaline to

know any better.

“What did you do that for?” I demand

loudly. My quiet, shy filter is long gone.

“What did I do what for?”

I poke him in the chest with my finger and

say, “You kissed me! Again.”

“If you want to be technical about it, I

kissed you when we were ten.”

“Killian!”

He looks like a stone has settled over his

face. Something that makes it impossible for me to

read what is happening here.

“What just happened?” I feel like the floor

has been ripped out from under my feet.

“You said you thought you liked me. And to

not say anything afterwards.”

“So the logical conclusion to all of that was

to kiss me?”

“Lila,” Killian sighs, “you think you like

me. Why do you think that?”

“I don't know.” I shift on my feet.

“I want an answer.”

“Well, so do I.”

“You first.”

What are we, twelve? I resist the urge to

kick him in the shin and fold my arms across my

chest. This is already embarrassing enough, and it's

not ever going to be not embarrassing so I might as

well keep digging my hole.

“You can tell me,” Killian gentles his voice,

but the stoney look on his face remains.

“I don't know. You were just there one day.”

I press my back into the wall in the hallway. “I

don't know how.”

Killian gives me a crooked smile. “Yeah, I

guess so.”

“Now it's your turn,” I point my finger at

him again because he's too far to poke in the chest

now. “Why did you kiss me?”

“I wanted to see if you were serious or not.”

Really? So he kissed me so he could figure

out if I was serious? Goodness, that hurts a little.

“You should probably go back to your place

now, Lila.”

“Oh.”

Killian shifts until he's got his arms braced

above my head, staring down at me with hooded

eyes. “You need to go, Lila, before I kiss you again.

I'm barely hanging on to my resolve as it is, baby

doll. So you need to go.”

Part of my wants to be brazen, take the

initiative and kiss him. Do a little happy dance that

at least I'm not alone in this messed up way of

feeling things for each other. But the other part, the

one that's warning me very loudly that if this goes

too far that there's no going back, has me ducking

under Killian's arm so I'm closer to the front door.

“I'll see you later, Lila,” Killian says while

facing the wall. He drops his forehead down to rest

against the drywall and shuts his eyes.

I can't seem to get words out from around

the ball now stuck in my throat. So I nod my head,

even though he can't see me, and step out the door.

Once outside, I press my back up against his

door and close my eyes.

There's a chance that our friendship is

already going up in smoke, and I don't even care.

My attention is shot to hell.

It's Wednesday, and except for catching

fleeting glances of Killian on campus, I haven't

really seen him in two days.

I feel like my whole world has been tipped

on its axis, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Or who to talk to. I've been avoiding Nina. Because

while she means good, she tends to play into the

fairy tale aspect more than the realistic one.

Unfortunately for me, today just seems to

not be my day as Brad steps into the classroom and

spots me.

There's no way he can play it off like he

wasn't looking for me, considering he's not even in

any art classes. And I'm only proving myself right

as he steps into my studio space.

“Hey,” he says and shoves his hands into his

black jeans.

Wow, he really is wearing all black. How

had I not noticed that before? Because you wanted

to move on from Jared. Right, because of that.

“So,” Brad clears his throat. “How are

you?”

Confused. “Fine.”

“I feel terrible the way we left things.” He

shifts on his feet. “So, I'm sorry.”

“Okay.” I'm not in the mood to deal with

him, but I'm too polite to just outright tell him to go

away.

“About the Killian thing,” Brad adds, like I

didn't catch what he was apologizing for. “I

shouldn't have said those things to you. He's your

best friend.”

“Thanks.” Go away.

“But, I mean, I wasn't too far off the mark,

was I?” Brad shrugs. “So now it's your turn.”

“My turn to what?” I frown.

“To apologize to me.”

He's got to be joking, but his face says he's

serious. “Why would I apologize to you?”

“I saw the pictures of the party, Lila. Who

knew Killian couldn't even manage to get every girl

on campus so he throws himself at you.” Brad

shakes his head. “That's where the mark on your

neck came from. I can understand why you'd be

embarrassed to tell me Killian attacked you.”

Now that makes me bristle. “Killian didn't

attack me, we were both drunk. Neither of us knew

who the other one was because I didn't turn around.

So no, I don't owe you an apology. I'm not your

girlfriend and never was.”

Brad frowns. “But I thought we had a good

time together.”

Maybe that first night when we met, but not

since then. “No. We didn't. And that's why I ended

things. I don't like being talked down to and Killian

and I aren't anybody else's business.” I fold my

arms across my chest.

“I don't know why I even bothered. You're

just going to turn into one of the thousands of girls

he's slept with,” Brad huffs in disgust.

“Hey!” I yell rather loudly, knowing people

are going to start eavesdropping but I don't care.

“First off, I don't care if you hate Killian because

he slept with your loser ex-girlfriend who obviously

didn't give two shits about you, but don't ever talk

to me like that.”

“Or what? You're going to get Killian to

come beat me up like he did your ex? I heard all

about that little stunt,” Brad wrinkles his nose. “I've

been wanting to pound that shit-stains face in since

I knew who he was.”

I don't think, I just react.

I pull my fist back before whirling it into

Brad’s smug face. That, albeit, doesn't look so smug

anymore as blood starts dripping down his nose.

His face jerks back, eyes wide, as he makes

this high-pitched whine noise before darting out of

my studio and running for the staircase.

“Shit,” I breathe out and grip my wrist

tightly in my hand. “Holy shit, this hurts.”

Jane pokes her head around my studio,

eyebrows raised as she looks over at me. Her

mouth falls open. “Oh my God, Lila, did you just

punch him?”

“Yeah,” I wince and start hopping side to

side. “No wonder guys do that, it felt good. But

dear God, I think I broke my hand.”

“Shit,” Jane winces and comes over to me.

“Let me see it.”

I hold it out and she takes my wrist, not

touching my knuckles that are starting to swell and

are bleeding. It looks gross.

“Well, you're definitely going to need to get

it bandaged. Come on, let's go to the clinic.”

“I'm going to be in so much trouble. I just

hit a student,” I say in horror. “They're going to

kick me out of school.”

“No, they aren't. We could all hear you, and

he totally deserved it.” Jane reaches down, her

hippie skirt swaying around her knees as she picks

up my backpack. “Let's go.”

We walk out of the building, several pairs of

eyes straining to get a look at us. There's little

splatters of blood on the ground from where it's

running down my hand.

“I think you split it open pretty good,” Jane

winces as we walk along the pathway.

“I think I need to amputate my hand off,” I

sniffle, the pain settling in tenfold.

“This is why girls don't go around punching

guys. Their faces are made of concrete.”

I sputter out a laugh. “Yeah, I'll gladly agree

to that.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I broke my

hand once punching someone. I was learning

boxing, I wasn't listening to my coaches properly so

I broke my hand.” Jane gives me a sympathetic

look. “You'll be okay once it gets looked at.”

“Yeah,” I grunt.

When we make it to the clinic, they give me

a rag and a clipboard to fill out. Jane takes the

clipboard while I lay my hand on the rag, it hurts

too much to try and wipe off any blood.

“Lila Summers, born May 11th, 1994.”

Jane scribbles down my answers on the

clipboard for all my information, including in the

description box that wants me to explain why I'm

here.

“Just write ‘I think I broke my hand’.”

“Defending yourself,” Jane tacks on to the

end, but I roll my eyes.

“I doubt Brad was going to hit me.”

“Doesn't matter. He was getting all up in

your face and screaming.”

“That's not an excuse.”

“Trust me, it's going to be fine. You might

get written up to the Dean, but they're not going to

kick you out of school. They let underage kids go

out and party on the weekends and wind up with

alcohol poisoning and don't kick them out.”

“That seems like a completely separate

thing,” I point out.

“Well, it's close enough.”

Some perky young nurse calls me back, and

Jane goes with me to hand her the clipboard. The

nurse gives me a funny look, and I have a feeling

she's wondering how someone so small decided it

would be a bright idea to hit someone.

It wasn't.

And an hour and twenty minutes later, after

having my hand x-rayed and put into a splint, the

campus police dismissing the case and moving

along, I'm finally free to leave the clinic with a

lighter feeling in my chest.

But that also might be the painkillers they

gave me.

I bet I'll sleep really well tonight with these

things.

“Oh God,” I groan and smack my forehead

with my uninjured hand.

“What is it?” Jane asks as she shifts so I can

slide my backpack on my back.

“It's Wednesday.”

“And?”

“It's the day I hangout with Killian.”

“Oh,” Jane looks a around campus. People

are spilling out of buildings and moving along with

their day. “I take it this is going to be a bad thing?”

“He might murder Brad.”

“And that's a bad thing?”

“I mean murder him literally.”

“He is overprotective,” Jane agrees. “So it's

possible.”

I give her a look.

“Okay, it'll probably happen,” she shrugs.

“But you'll be okay.”

I blow out a breath.

Nothing about this week has been anything

close to okay.

Chapter Sixteen

Killian

I'm nervous as hell. My palms are sweating

and I'm pretty sure I just broke out into a full body

sweat at the thought of Lila coming over tonight.

I'd just sent a text message to her, telling her

I was going to pick up some chicken and wedge

fries for tonight, but she hasn't answered me.

Alex leans against Ian’s side from beside me

and jerks his chin in my direction. “Ian,” Alex says,

“do you think Killian's been acting weird since the

beginning of this week?”

“Why, Alex,” Ian adapts a stuffy accent, “I

was beginning to think I was the only one who

noticed.” He drops the accent and glances at me.

“Dude, are you alright?”

“I'm fine,” I deadpan.

“You look like a preteen girl trying not to

pass out when a hot guy says hi to her,” Alex

smirks.

I flip him off in response.

“Seriously, man, what happened with Lila?”

Ian asks, stepping in front of me.

I clench my jaw and move around him.

“Nothing.”

My two idiot friends share a look that

makes me want to caveman yell at the sky.

“Would you two quit trying to interfere with

my life?” I demand.

“Uh, no. Your life is fun to interfere in,” Ian

shrugs nonchalantly.

“Plus, we’re your wingmen,” Alex adds.

“So, therefore, we need to know what's going on to

help you out.”

“I kissed her.”

“Woah,” Ian steps in front of me again.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I kissed her,” I sigh and stop

walking.

“Like, you actually kissed her?” Alex asks,

looking dumbfounded.

“Jesus, yes. I fucking kissed Lila,” I glare.

“But, I thought you were going to wait?”

Ian frowns.

“I do. I am. That's why I walked away

afterwards. It was barely even a kiss,” I shrug.

“You walked away?” Alex gapes. “Are you

out of your mind?”

“Yeah, I am,” I snap at both of them. “I was

trying to be the nice guy and give her space to

figure herself out and what she wanted. And she

decided to drop a fucking bomb on me and tell me

she likes me. What was I supposed to do?”

Alex immediately responds with, “Kiss

her.”

I deflate a little bit at that. “I didn't mess it

up, did I?”

“Your friendship?” Ian asks. “That's up shit

creek without a paddle. You can't just go back after

kissing your best friend. But you've finally gotten

out of the friend zone,” he smirks and claps a hand

on my shoulder. “Congratulations, man.”

“Shut up,” I grunt.

“Killian and Lila sitting in a tree,” Alex

starts singing in a girly voice.

“I hate you,” I point at the quarterback.

“Oh, you do not,” Alex laughs. “So how

was it?”

“How was what?”

“The kiss, asshole,” Alex rolls his eyes.

“Was it everything you were hoping it would be?”

I pause. Was it? I didn't really go into it

thinking of how it would be, or thinking at all for

that matter. Just this overwhelming need to kiss her.

“Look at his face,” Ian snorts. “Of course it

was everything he wanted.”

“Really need to get you two girlfriends,” I

point to both of them and shake my head. “You're

way too invested in my life.”

“It's cool, we don't mind,” Alex answers

cheekily.

Dear God. We're all walking towards my

apartment, ready to hang out and shoot the shit

until Lila comes over tonight. If she decides to

come over.

“Hey look,” Ian shoves my shoulder. “It's

your lovebird now.”

I squint across the street, and sure enough,

Lila is standing at her front door trying to jam a key

into her lock with her left hand.

What the hell?

“Oh, shit,” Alex breathes. “Is that a cast?”

I'm moving, dodging cars without a care in

the world as I run towards Lila. I hear Alex and Ian

curse behind me and several cars honk, which

means they're following me.

“Lila!” I call out as I jerk to a stop in front

of her.

She yelps and the keys fall out of her hand

and onto the floor. She smacks her left hand across

her chest and breathes in deeply. “You scared me

half to death, Killian!”

“What's that?” I hear Alex wheeze behind

me.

“I got hurt,” Lila winces and moves so her

right arm is further away from us.

“Really? I couldn't tell,” I snap and grab her

shoulders so I can turn her to face me. From her

fingers down over her wrist is a chunky black cast.

It's not wrapped like a normal cast, instead more

like a piece of plastic with Velcro straps to hold it

together.

“It's not a big deal,” Lila says quickly. “It's

okay.”

“Is it broken?” I ask.

“More like severely sprained,” she

mumbles.

“What happened?” Ian asks.

“So,” Lila coughs and glances around, but

we're all crowding her so she has to look at one of

us, “you remember Brad?”

“Yeah,” I stress the word.

“The wannabe emo kid,” Ian nods his head.

“What about him?”

“Why didn't I get to meet him?” Alex

frowns. “It's not fair when you two get to dislike

someone and I'm left out.”

“Anyways,” I cut in and look down at Lila.

“What about him?”

“I, ah, punched him.”

No one talks as we all stare at Lila. I can't

tell if she's serious or messing with me, but she

looks serious. I scratch the back of my neck. “You

punched Bradley?”

“He was being mean and getting into my

face,” Lila defends. “And while I don't think hitting

people is an answer, it felt really good after dealing

with him.”

“Did you give him a black eye?” Alex asks

her.

“I think I broke his nose.”

“Yes!” Ian says and high-fives Alex.

“Guys!” I scowl at them. “That's not the

point. Be proud of her after we figure out if her

hand is okay.”

“I already told you about my hand,” Lila

says.

“So we can high-five?” Alex asks hopefully.

“Oh my God,” I groan. “Are you sure your

hand is okay?”

“Yes,” Lila nods. “I already got it checked

out at the clinic. How do you think I got this

thing?” She raises her hurt hand in the air and

waves it in a small circle. “Two to four weeks,” she

frowns, “then I can take it off.”

“Here,” I bend down to swipe her keys off

her front mat and stick them in my pocket.

“You can't say here and then not give them

to me,” Lila stomps her foot.

“I didn't say here, I'm getting these for you

to have,” I shrug. “Come on, you're hanging out

with us before you go off and break your leg over

something.”

“Maybe I'll break my foot kicking you in

the shin,” she glares.

“Then I'd have to carry you everywhere like

a petulant child,” I grin and stick out my leg in front

of her. “Go on, do it. Make my day.”

Lila gives me a scowl as she moves around

my leg and over to my door. I grin triumphantly

even though she can't see me.

Turning the lock, I let everyone shuffle in

before they all flop down onto the couch and

reclining chairs that make up my simple living

room. My dad let me take a bunch of the old game

room’s furniture when I moved out.

Lila’s dad sent her cash when we first got

our apartments at the same time. Her dad’s usually

off somewhere working for the government as a

contractor, so he's rarely home now that she's older.

Not that her mom seems to mind since my

mother and her’s like to hang out all the time. They

were probably separated at birth, at least that's the

running joke between everyone.

Lila shimmies off her backpack and sits

down on the couch. She props her feet on the

coffee table and leans back into the large cushions.

Ian and Alex have taken over the reclining

chairs, probably on purpose, which leaves the only

open seat next to Lila on the couch.

Flopping down next to her, I pick up the

remote to turn the television onto a recap of last

weekends football game that I had missed and

recorded.

“More football?” Lila groans. “Don't you

guys ever get tired of talking about football all the

time?”

“Who talks football with us?” Alex frowns.

“Besides Coach?”

“Don't your bimbos talk football with you?”

Lila asks. “Why do I have to be subjected to this? I

want to watch a movie.”

Alex looks appalled while Ian looks like he's

fighting back laughter.

“Uh, no girls talk football with us,” I answer

her calmly. “They don't know anything about

football usually.”

“Yeah,” Alex coughs uncomfortably, “and

they're not usually big talkers in general.”

Lila wrinkles her nose. “That's so gross.”

“You asked,” Ian snorts.

“It's just a few hours,” I say and pat her leg

closest to me. “You'll survive until later and you

can pick a movie then.”

“Aw, look how nice he is,” Alex teases.

“How come we don't get to pick out movies

when we come over?” Ian gapes.

“Yeah,” Alex fakes an outraged look. “Why

don't we get to watch movies?”

“Because that's mine and Lila’s thing,” I roll

my eyes. “Go watch movies with each other.”

“Not as fun, no offense Ian,” Alex grunts.

“We're way too manly for that shit,” Ian

adds.

Lila starts laughing at their conversation and

smiles at all of us. “You're all nuts. Every one of

you. You want to watch a movie, but not with each

other. So what's the difference being here?”

“You're here,” Alex grins. “And you're so

pretty to look at.”

Lila rolls her eyes.

I toss a couch pillow at Alex. “Stop trying

to hit on Lila.”

“Yeah, if you're going to try then at least

make it better than whatever sad attempt that was,”

Lila says.

“That is not what I meant,” I scowl at her.

“What? It's nice to be appreciated,” she

shrugs her shoulders and tries to look all innocent.

I'm tempted to make a comment, but I

refrain. She has no idea that Alex and Ian know

about how I feel. Or that I kissed her.

“So how's this year going for football?” Lila

asks. “I haven't been able to make it to a game.”

All of us turn to stare at Lila. I've worn her

out of football making her come to all my games

since we were little, so it's not a surprise that she

doesn't know that we're undefeated.

“We’re doing really well,” Ian says.

“As in, we haven't lost a game,” Alex

chimes in.

“So, I'd say we're doing pretty good,” I

finish.

“You haven't lost a game?” Lila looks over

at me with blond eyebrows raised. “That's pretty

good.”

“Thanks,” I shift uncomfortably. “But it

was a team effort.”

“Aw, did you hear that Alex, we get some

credit,” Ian smirks.

“I feel so flattered,” Alex grins.

“Don't you two have somewhere else to

be?” I ask. “I feel like I'm babysitting the two of

you.”

“Rude,” Alex points at me.

“Sometimes I wonder what'll happen to you

guys when you go pro,” Lila laughs.

“Shit talk each other on the field, then grill

out in the offseason,” Alex immediately replies.

“Already got that part figured out, Lila.”

“Well, that's good,” she chuckles. “It's hard

to imagine all of you playing on different teams.

But I doubt that would make a difference to your

friendship.”

“Nah,” Ian shakes his head. “Bros for life.”

“Bros before hoes!” Alex says then winces.

“Excluding you, Lila.”

“Gee, thanks,” she snorts. “Glad to not be a

hoe.”

“So what movie are you going to watch

tonight?” Ian asks. Thank God someone changed

the subject.

“Wasn't it my turn to pick?” I ask her.

“Uh, no. You said I could pick earlier,” Lila

shakes her head. “I'm holding you to that.”

I grunt.

“So maybe a girly chick flick with lots of

romance and crying,” Lila grins evilly.

“Veto,” I shake my head.

“You can't veto me, I have a hurt hand!”

“So?”

“So, that gives me veto power to veto your

veto,” she tells me.

God save me from confusing women.

Chapter Seventeen

Lila

It takes me a moment to wake up.

I'm not lying in my own bed, but in

Killian’s. He's stretched out on the bed beside me,

his back in the air for the early morning sunshine to

reflect off of.

I raise my throbbing hand in the air, the

reason I woke up, and slide as gently as I can out

from the side of the bed I claimed.

It's not the first time Killian and I have

decided to crash in here. In fact, all I remember

from last night was falling asleep on the couch to

Die Hard somehow, Killian lifting me up gently,

then depositing me in his bed.

Screw a four foot walk to my own place.

Going over to my bookbag, I crouch down

and dig out the painkillers the doctor prescribed

me. After that, I go into the small kitchen to fill a

cup with water and take the medicine before the

throbbing starts to ache more than it already does.

“Lila?” Killian's sleepy voice says, followed

by a yawn as he appears in the doorway of his

bedroom.

The jeans he had on last night are

unbuttoned and he's not wearing a shirt. I'm

suddenly having a flashback to the night that Jared

dumped me a few weeks ago.

My goodness, how time changed things so

quickly.

“Hey,” I lift the cup of water to take

another sip. “Morning.”

Killian rubs his hands over his face, comes

into the kitchen and punches a button on the coffee

machine.

I barely have a chance to sit my cup down

before I'm hauled into Killian's arms, his body

molding around me so that there's no escape.

“Mm,” he rumbles into my hair.

“What are you doing?” I squeak.

“Giving you a hug,” he says in a tired voice.

“Oh.” Well, okay then. I reach up and wrap

my arms around his waist. But this just seems to be

one long, drawn-out hug to me. Not that I'm going

to complain, he's awful cuddly and warm standing

here in the kitchen.

I'm pretty sure that Killian has fallen asleep

with his head resting on top of mine, but when I go

to slip away from him, he tightens his hold on me.

“Not yet, baby doll.”

“Since when are you a cuddler in the

morning?” I ask. “Or in general?”

“I've cuddled you,” Killian snorts softly and

pulls me even tighter.

“I'm not going to be able to breathe much

longer if you keep doing that,” I wheeze.

“You'll be fine,” he says as he relaxes his

hold.

“We should probably talk,” I announce,

knowing I'm about to blow this nice moment to

smithereens.

“About what?”

“About what happened between us.”

“Yeah,” Killian shakes his head, “I'd rather

come back to that later on.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means we’ll talk about it later. I need to

get some caffeine into me before I head off to

workout this morning.”

“Oh, okay.”

“So after classes today we’ll talk about it.”

It could be worse. He could be blowing me

off, but he isn't. Killian looks towards the timer on

the oven and sighs.

“I'm going to get dressed and head out,” he

says as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

“Sure.” Now I feel all awkward, being in his

space first thing in the morning.

“See ya, Lila.”

And then he does the unthinkable, bending

down to brush his lips across mine. Similar to the

way he did it the first time. Firm enough to be felt,

but over all too soon.

I'm left stuck in the kitchen as he disappears

into his room. My feet don't want to move and all

of me is at war with wanting to follow him and

wanting to leave.

I snag my backpack and sneak out the door.

Though, I guess I didn't have to tiptoe since he

knew I was leaving.

Once I get back to my own apartment, I

shower and change clothes. I had to put my hand

into a plastic baggie just to get into the damn

shower. Punching Brad was starting to not be worth

it.

And this is why assault is illegal.

Usually, at least, since the cops let it go. Not

that I'm going to be ungrateful to them about it.

Nina comes strolling out of her room about

forty-five minutes later. She looks like she's already

ready for it to be the weekend.

“Did you come back last night?” she squints

at me. “I don't remember hearing you come in.”

“This morning,” I shrug.

“Hmm.”

“What?”

Nina sighs. “I wasn't going to say anything,

because I wasn't sure if they were being serious, but

I guess I should let you know. I heard the guys

talking about you.”

“What?” I frown.

“Back after we watched football practice

on Monday. At the Union, after you left, the guys

were teasing Killian about you. I think he might like

you.”

My mouth goes to open but no words come

out.

“As in like you, like you,” Nina adds.

“Oh.” Wow, for someone who wanted to

talk to Killian about this not even two hours ago,

I'm certainly terrible at doing it now.

“Maybe he does want to date you,” Nina

says thoughtfully. “It would be perfect, since you're

into him, too.”

“About that,” I wince. “I think I already

knew.”

“What?” Nina’s jaw drops as she looks at

me. “What do you mean by you think you knew?”

“Killian came here afterwards,” I sigh,

knowing there's going to be hell to pay for not

telling her sooner. “And, I don't know, one thing led

to another and I just snapped and told him I liked

him.”

Nina's jaw might be permanently unhinged

from her face now.

“And he kissed me.”

“He did what to you?” she asks in a

squeaky voice.

“Kissed me.”

“Like on the head? Or the cheek? Or the

neck again?”

“No, no, and no.”

She stares at me a little more in shock. “On

your mouth?”

“Yes.”

“So he actually came over here and kissed

you?”

My whole face flushes red. “I mean, we

talked a little first. And then I busted my hand.”

“Your hand?” Nina gapes at me before

realizing the monstrosity covering my right hand.

“Oh my God, I don't see you for one day and you're

already getting kissed and breaking things.”

“It's not broken, just sprained.”

“What did you do?”

“I punched Brad in the nose.”

Nina starts to laugh before she quickly stops

and starts to collect herself. “We're tabling that

conversation so I can hear more about the fact that

you were kissing Killian the other night.”

“And this morning,” I mumble.

It's like I've lit a rocket under her butt as she

starts hopping up and down in the living room.

“What happened this morning?”

“I just told you,” I sigh. “He kissed me

again.”

“So are you two a thing now?”

“No.”

She stops hopping up and down. “What do

you mean no?”

“I tried to talk to him about it this morning,

but he had to get to the gym. He said we would talk

about it after classes let out for the day.”

“You do realize that by tomorrow you could

be Killian Blane’s girlfriend, don't you?” Nina asks

in all seriousness.

“Maybe. I told you that I didn't want to

have a boyfriend again.”

“Babe, you wouldn't know how to do single

if it bit you on the ass and left a note with detailed

instructions.”

“I want a break.”

“Okay. So take a break and enjoy Killian.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don't have to have a boyfriend to have

fun. And Killian, while he may like you, may want

exactly what you want. To get whatever this is out

of your systems. Or maybe take it slow. You don't

have to have a boyfriend to date, you know.”

“So you're saying I should date Killian

without dating him?” I ask.

“Yes.”

Sometimes I hate the way people phrase

things. It's like when she says jiggy instead of sex.

Or how going on a date isn't the same as dating.

There's too many variations of one word nowadays.

“We aren't living in 1919, you can approach

a guy about the idea of having fun without all the

seriousness.”

I arch an eyebrow at her. “Where did you

come up with 1919?”

“We're going over basic rights in history and

that's when we got the right to vote as women.”

“You got that backwards, we won the right

to vote in 1920, and it's the 19th amendment.”

“Dammit,” Nina groans. “I'll probably have

to do an extra credit assignment now to make up

for failing the test.”

“You got that many answers wrong?” I ask.

“It was an essay on when women got the

right to vote,” she says and slaps her forehead with

her palm. “Now I'll have to go to one of the

tutoring sessions for extra points.”

“That sucks.”

“Enough about my failing grade in history.

So, you punched Brad?”

“It felt good at the time. Not so much

anymore.”

“Did you break his nose?”

“With how bad my hand hurts, I hope so.”

Nina starts laughing. “I can't believe you hit

him. Not that he didn't deserve it, I'm sure he did.

But that's usually the guys’ M.O. to hurt people, not

yours.”

“I was mad.”

“Then throw your cowboy boot like a sane

person. You won't get hurt that way. And aim

accordingly.”

I should've thought of that. Cowboy boots

are excellent projectiles. And definitely wouldn't

have resulted in a clinic visit. Well, not for me at

least.

“Today is going to be great,” Nina hums.

“I'm living vicariously through you.”

“But you already have a boyfriend.”

“Exactly. I'm used to him. I need someone

else to fuss over.”

I scoff at her. “And you decided it needs to

be me?”

“You're the one going around making out

with the university's manwhore, I can't help it if

your life is more interesting than mine.”

Dear Lord. I'm kissing a guy that probably

over half the campus has kissed. Something that

brings me back to that conversation right before the

whole date night at the Union thing Ian set up, on if

I met a manwhore and liked him. Would it bother

me? Yeah, it still does.

“Uh-oh. I see the wheels turning and the

look of terror. Sit down,” Nina points to the couch.

“What's going on in that head of yours?”

“I don't think I could be with Killian.”

“Why not?”

“Do you know how many people he's

kissed?” I tell her in a high, panicky voice. “There's

no way I could measure up to all of them.”

“Woah, okay. You need to put a lid on this

freak out you've got going on because you're being

insane. You don't have to measure up to anyone,

Lila. That was the whole point. You are the highest

measure he's been looking for.”

I narrow my eyes at her.

“It's true,” she insists. “How many of those

girls do you think actually could amount to

something in his life? The answer’s none, because if

any of them had, then everyone would know about

it.”

She makes a valid point, but I’m still having

trouble accepting it. Falling for your best friend

wasn’t in my game plan. Hell, I don’t even know

what was in my game plan, but this was so far from

what I would expect.

And it was driving me insane.

“He’s driving me crazy,” I mumble my

previous thought aloud.

“Yeah, well, he wouldn’t be Killian if he

wasn’t.”

Isn’t that the truth.

Chapter Eighteen

Killian

It should not be this difficult to talk to a girl.

I have never in my life had a problem

talking to a girl. Except that one time I popped

Lila’s favorite Barbie’s head off and buried it in the

backyard and mom made me dig it up and

apologize.

Beyond that day, I can't recall any other

time I've had trouble speaking to a girl.

Except right now.

Lila pulls on the straw that's buried in her

milkshake as she takes a long pull. She looks just as

nervous as I do. I thought going to the ice cream

parlor would somehow keep me relaxed, boy was I

wrong.

How the hell does one go about asking their

best friend to be their girlfriend? Because I haven't

got a damn clue.

You'd think it'd be easy, having known her

almost all my life. But right now, I'm sweating

bullets and tapping my boot under the table since I

can't seem to sit still.

Lila pops the straw out of her mouth and

leans back in her seat across from me. She looks so

beautiful in her jeans and plain t-shirt. Much more

real than all the other girls who come up to me.

“So,” Lila says slowly, “you got me a

milkshake.”

I nod my head like a dumbass since my

voice decided to quit working on me.

“Look, Killian,” she shifts in her seat

looking uncomfortable.

Shit, she's going to tell me she doesn't want

to do this.

“I don't know if I can date you,” she sighs.

Yup. I feel my heart split in two, half

choking off air in my throat and the other piece

churning my stomach.

“I just need a boyfriend-break.”

Which is exactly what Ian and Alex told me

to give her before I shot that plan to hell by kissing

her.

“So maybe, if you're being serious, we

could just go slow? I don't know.” Lila puckers her

brow. “Date without dating.”

I stare at her. That was...not what I was

expecting in the slightest to come out of her mouth.

And now I'm really pissed that I can't seem to come

up with a response.

“If not, that's fine, too,” Lila rushes on.

“We can pretend this never happened if you

prefer.”

“No!” I cringe at the loudness of my voice.

A voice that finally wants to fucking work. “You

want to date without dating? Like a booty call?” I

frown at Lila. “I'm not okay with treating you like

that.”

“I think I need to just go in slowly is all.”

Slow? Okay, I can do slow with Lila.

“Alright.” I lean back in my own seat and fold my

arms across my chest. “That's fine with me.”

Lila raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Seriously?”

“What? Did you think I was going to pass

up the opportunity to date the perfect girl?” I

frown.

Lila shakes her head. “No. I was more

expecting you to tell me you just wanted a hook

up.”

Uh, that would be a hell no. She really

hasn't been paying attention at all. Clearly, I'm far

more ahead of her in realizing just how much I

want her. Maybe she needs to go slow to catch up,

and that's fine by me.

This is happening.

“I don't want to hook up with anyone

anymore,” I shrug.

“Okay, so,” Lila shifts in her seat again.

“We’re doing this.”

It's not a question and suddenly everything

inside of me rights itself. “Yes.”

“Just to be clear, while we're doing

whatever it is we're doing, don't,” she winces, “do it

with anyone else.”

“Gee, that sounds like a hardship,” I tease.

Leaning across the table, I snag Lila’s petite hand

in mine and fiddle with her fingers. “I'm not going

to mess around with anyone else. I haven't done the

exclusive thing in awhile, and I'll probably drive

you nuts, but I want this.”

“It just seems so out of the blue,” Lila says

while tightening her fingers around mine. “You

know, one moment we're joking around and the

next, I don't know, I wasn't expecting you.”

“Why not? I'm a catch,” I grin. “But I get

what you mean. The guys have been giving me hell

about it.”

Lila raises her eyebrows again.

I let go of her hand to shift in my seat. Shit,

might as well tell her. “The guys kind of know.

When I said I wanted someone who didn't give a

damn about my name, they started telling me I had

you. And I finally caught on that they were right.”

“This is so weird.”

“Your mother’s going to flip,” I snort, then

frown. “Hell, my mom is going to flip.”

“We have to tell our parents?” Lila’s eyes

go comically wide. “I don't know about that.”

“Why not?”

“What if something goes wrong and we

aren't friends anymore? That's going to make their

life difficult, and ours.”

“First off, if this doesn't work, we’ll still be

friends regardless. Never doubt that. It might be

awkward at first, but we’ll get through it. And

second of all, our moms will deal with it if it comes

to that. Otherwise, we’ll be in more trouble keeping

it from them.”

Lila laughs softly. “Yeah, they’d definitely

be mad that we kept it from them.”

Then something occurs to me that twists my

insides. “So what do I call you? Because you don’t

want to be boyfriend-girlfriend.”

“Oh,” she frowns a little, too. “I didn’t

think of that.”

“We’ll just say we’re seeing each other,” I

suggest. “That seems like a good starting place. I

mean, it’s nobody else’s business but ours

anyways.”

“Okay,” she agrees, and everything inside

of me stops tensing up. “Nina is going to flip out.”

“Probably.”

“And drive me insane.”

“That’s a given,” I snort. “She’s got your

back, though. Can’t fault her for being happy for

you.”

“Oh yeah,” Lila rolls her eyes. “So happy

that I get to date the Killian Blane. You realize I

will probably never talk to you about football,

right?”

“I know,” I sigh dramatically and look up at

the popcorn ceiling. “I ruined football for you when

we were kids. To be fair, I didn’t know how long

football would go on for. So it’s not all my fault.”

“You kept playing.”

“Okay, so it’s partially my fault.” I grin over

at her, but she’s staring down at her injured arm.

“Everything okay?”

“It just hurts.”

“That’ll happen when you hit people.”

“Really?” she grumbles sarcastically. “I had

no idea.”

“Let’s get out of here,” I say and slide out

of the booth. Her milkshake only has a tiny glob

left in the bottom, and I finished mine almost the

second we sat down.

Lila stands up next to me and I slip her hand

in mine, tugging until she’s following me out into

the parking lot. We get settled in my old truck,

before I turn on the radio and pull out. Neither of

us says anything, but it’s not awkward. Almost a

peaceful kind of quiet. Something that makes me

feel like whatever this is, wherever it’s going, we’ll

be just fine.

Once we’re back to the apartment complex,

I unlock my door for her to step in before me. How

many times have I done this before with faceless

women? Far too many to count.

“Is this the part where you attack me?” Lila

asks.

I’m too caught up in my own thoughts of

treating her right, that she catches me off guard.

“What?”

“You know, shove me against a wall, kiss

me. That sort of thing. Isn’t that what you normally

do?”

What I normally do, yeah. “Uh, no.”

Lila raises her sun-kissed eyebrows at me.

“I’m not shoving you against my door to

kiss you.”

She looks from me, to the door, and back

again. “I can’t decide if you’re being admirable or

messing with me.”

I point at the closed door behind me. “I am

not trying to hook up with you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Jesus,” I run my hands through my hair.

“Is that what you think this is?”

“I thought that was going to part of the

game plan.” She looks awful uncomfortable

standing there having this conversation, but I’m too

shocked to move this further inside. “You know, the

whole Killian Blane experience.”

“Lila,” I warn.

“I know, I don’t want to be like them,” she

quickly adds. “And I don’t want you to think of me

like them. But I guess I was sort’ve anticipating on

you kissing me when we got here.” She waves her

good hand at me. “And you’re just over

there...not.”

“You want me to kiss you?” I must be

reverting back to when I was in middle school,

trying to figure out how girls’ brains worked.

“If you want to.”

My God, I must be losing my game if she

was wondering this. She’s got me all tied up in

knots and doesn’t even know it.

“You don't have to,” Lila continues when I

don't respond.

Yes, yes I do. I walk towards her, watching

her eyes get bigger as I get closer, before I'm able to

wrap one arm around her waist and haul her

towards me. I'm careful of the arm still wrapped in

the ugly black plastic and bend my head down until

I'm eye-level with her.

She doesn't make a sound, just staring at me

like I'm taking over her whole world. And damn if

that doesn't make me feel like I could hang the

moon for her.

“I do want to kiss you,” I tell her. “But

attacking you first thing didn't seem like a good

plan. I'm trying to go slow, remember? Trying to be

a gentleman.”

“You've never been a gentleman,” Lila

smirks. “You once purposely shut a door in my face

so I couldn't hang out with you.”

“You were cramping my style.”

That causes Lila to roll her eyes.

“Actually, I shut the door in your face

because I heard you had a thing for Matthew Verch

and it pissed me off,” I clarify.

“What?”

“He was an asshole,” I say defensively.

“And I needed to have a talk with him about his

asshole ways.”

“You're ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but it worked,” I grin. “You never

went out with him.”

Lila snorts. “No thanks to you.”

“Please, like you would've made it with

him. He doesn't know the word faithful at all. I'm

not even sure he's aware that monogamy is a real

thing.”

“Killian,” she says, pulling me from my

little rant.

“What?” I ask.

“I thought you were going to kiss me, not

talk to me about how terrible a person Matthew is.”

“But he is a terrible person,” I insist with a

smile. “And I got you, which makes me the luckiest

person.”

Killian,” she groans, but I'm already moving

closer.

If someone would have told me a month ago

that I would be standing in my front hallway,

having Lila wrapped in my arms, and that I would

be kissing her, there's no way that I would've

believed them.

But I pull her bottom lip in, and that forever

smell of vanilla is assaulting my nose in the best

way. She tastes like a mixture of vanilla milkshake

and the most heavenly cupcake.

I might be getting high from this.

Goosebumps break out across my arms, sending my

nerve endings into overdrive. Every part of me

feels like it's vibrating all at once.

There's no comparison to be made. Kissing

Lila is the only thing that I remember, the only

feeling that matters right now. Everything else

doesn't exist.

I'm not ready to pull away, not ready for this

spell I'm under to suddenly shatter, but if this keeps

going then I don't know if I can stop.

She looks dazed as I pull away slightly. Her

cheeks pink, lips swollen, and eyes still shut. When

suddenly, she blinks and I'm met with the soulful

color of gunmetal eyes staring back at me.

“There,” I murmur and frame her face with

my hands, “you got your kiss.”

“Wow,” she sounds so far away, like she's

riding down on cloud nine.

And that makes me smirk. I put that look of

desire on her face. Not Jared the douche or Bradley

the wannabe emo, but me. “Well?”

Lila blinks slowly, coming out of a haze.

“Well, what?”

“Was it better than you imagined?” I ask.

“You had to go and ruin it,” Lila rolls her

eyes. “We couldn't be normal.”

“Nothing about this is normal. And what do

you mean we couldn't be normal? We are.”

“You just ruined it by talking.” She pokes

her finger in my chest to drive her point home.

“Gee, sorry,” I snort. “What else was I

supposed to do? Stare at you awkwardly like in one

of your Disney movies?”

“No,” she laughs.

See? This isn't a disaster at all.

Chapter Nineteen

Lila

“I don't know,” I repeat.

Killian smirks next to me, leaning back on

his hands in the middle of the only grassy lot on

campus. The football team decided to have a picnic

today after their game.

Which was supposed to be a small

gathering. But then Alex had to go grab the

microphone from one of the student announcers

and tell the whole damn stadium there was a party

happening.

“No, I want to know!” Ian frowns. “You

can't keep something like this a secret. It's not

nice.”

“It's not not nice, it's just none of your

business,” I shrug.

“Is she refusing to tell you they're dating,

too?” Nina flops down on the blanket next to Ian.

“She wouldn't tell me either.”

“Liar,” I laugh. “I did too tell you.”

“Well, then I didn't like your answer,” Nina

sticks out her tongue. “So you need to change it.”

“Wait a minute, what was the answer she

gave you?” Ian demands. “She won't tell me

anything.”

Nina lifts her fingers to do air quotes.

“They're ‘going slow’ apparently. Whatever that

means.”

“It means we're going slow,” Killian rolls his

eyes. “I don't get how that's so hard to

comprehend.”

“Because I was hoping you'd do better,”

Nina scowls at Killian.

“You told me to go slow!” I point at her.

“Like you ever listen to me,” Nina gapes.

“And your boy toy was supposed to ask you out

like a proper gentleman.”

I glance at Killian and he winks at me.

“What was that?” Nina shoves Ian's

shoulder. “Did you just see him wink at her?”

“So you're not dating?” Ian asks, ignoring

Nina.

“We’re not not dating,” I say.

Ian scrubs one hand over his face. “I

fucking hate whatever word game you're playing

with me. It's not fun.”

I stick my tongue out at the poor wide

receiver. “You'll survive.”

“Your girl sucks, man,” Ian shakes his head

at Killian.

“Yeah, but she's mine. So she only sucks to

you,” Killian laughs.

“Where's Alex at?” Nina looks around the

massive crowd.

There was no way this party wouldn't be ten

times this big if Alex hadn't opened his mouth. And

now it's starting to turn into what I would imagine

Times Square looks like on New Year's Eve.

“Not sure,” Ian says and ducks his head

down to look off towards the pond. “I wonder if

they'd stop playing water chicken out there if they

knew the zoology department lost a baby alligator.”

“There's a baby alligator on the loose?” I

gape.

“Yeah,” Ian waves it off. “I mean, he's just

a baby. They lost the boa constrictor last month and

no one even knew until they caught it.”

“They lost a snake?” Nina gulps, looking far

too pale. “Maybe they should just get rid of the

zoology department until they learn to not lose their

animals.”

“Reptiles,” I correct her. “But yeah, fully

agree.”

“Am I the only one who kind of wishes the

baby alligator would appear and sneak up on

them?” Killian asks, gesturing to the two girls in

very little clothing shoving one another in the pond.

“Already so anti your harem of women?”

Nina asks.

“What can I say? I'm good with what I've

got,” Killian shrugs.

Suddenly, Alex pops through an opening

from around us and falls down into his chest on our

picnic blanket.

“Hey, douchebag,” Ian nudges Alex’s

shoulder with his foot. “Next time we say we're

having a relaxing day, don't invite the entire

campus.”

“I was in a great mood,” Alex groans, not

looking up at anybody. “I feel like a nap.”

“You can't nap in the middle of a party you

decided to throw,” Killian snorts.

“Why did I decide this was a smart idea?”

Alex asks.

“I don't know, we tried asking you that

when you invited everyone,” Ian shakes his head.

“You didn't have an answer then either.”

“Next time someone just take the

microphone from me,” Alex grunts.

“Dually noted,” Killian says.

Alex tilts his head, still on his chest as he

moves to eye me and Killian. He shoves himself up

on his elbows and points at both of us. “What's

this?”

“What's what?” I ask.

“Oh God, here they go again,” Ian grunts.

“They're together.”

“Finally!” Alex yells loud enough that

several people turn in our direction. “God knows

we've been waiting long enough for you two to get

your heads out of your asses.”

“We’re taking it one step at a time,” I tell

Alex.

“Oh jeez, that's the line you're going with?”

Alex scowls. “Just date like normal people. Why

are you making this so much harder than it needs to

be?”

“Hey!” Nina jumps in. “That was my

advice.”

“You basically said what Alex did not even

twenty minutes ago,” Ian chuckles at Nina.

“Our friends are weird,” Killian leans into

my shoulder. He drops a quick kiss on my arm like

it's the most natural thing to do.

“Very,” I agree.

“Wow,” a girl sits down next to Alex on our

blanket.

All of us turn to stare at her for invading our

little circle amongst the mayhem currently going

on. She's got blond and pink hair, way too tight of

clothes, and I can only imagine she's part of the

football bimbo brigade.

“Uh, who are you?” Nina leans forward to

ask her. Sometimes it was nice that her filter didn't

always work around people, because then I didn't

have to be the one to ask.

“Who are you?” the girl replies with a flip

of her hair over her shoulder.

No, really. She seriously just did the most

iconic stereotypical girl move ever.

“Shoo,” Nina waves her hands. “This is a

private blanket.”

Ian laughs at that.

“Oh boy,” Killian grumbles when the girl

turns to stare at him.

“Do you know her?” I whisper.

“Nope,” Killian says at normal volume.

I yelp when he reaches over, looping an arm

around me and hauling me onto his lap for

everyone to see. Making sure my injured hand

doesn't hit him, I lay it in my lap and settle back

into his massive frame.

“You're with her?” the girl asks.

Oh sweet Jesus, football bimbos are actually

brainless sometimes. “Yup,” I answer before Killian

or anyone else can.

“What happened to your hand?” she squints

at me.

“I punched someone who was annoying the

daylights out of me,” I smile sweetly at her.

Killian laughs behind me and Nina rolls her

eyes. Yes, I know how to be catty when need be.

“What are you doing over here?” Ian asks

the girl.

“I figured since Alex invited me, I'd come

hang out with him and his friends,” she explains.

“Alex invited everyone,” Ian clarifies.

“But he told me I should come as he was

leaving the stadium,” she says haughtily.

“I did?” Alex frowns.

Killian’s chest shakes me a little as he

laughs behind me. Dear God, Alex is completely

hopeless. And it seems like the football bimbo is

catching on to that as she glares daggers at him.

“You did!” she exclaims. “I thought we

were going to meet up.” The poor girl stands up in a

huff and marches into the crowd.

“Wait!” Alex hollers after her. “We can

totally hook up!”

“She said meet up, doofus,” Nina laughs.

Alex gives her a confused look. “What's the

difference?”

“Oh sweet baby Jesus, I can't deal with

him,” Nina says to Ian. “It's your turn. I might kill

him.”

“I'm too handsome to kill,” Alex shakes his

head.

“Not,” my roommate points her finger at

him.

“You're not going to win, Alex,” I tell him.

“Just give up now.”

“This sucks,” the quarterback grumbles.

“Why do I have to be the one to deal with

him?” Ian scowls. “He got himself into this mess.”

“Dude, I just lost a girl, don't be an ass,”

Alex grunts. “My heart is broken.”

“You're so full of shit,” Killian laughs.

“I like how she got all snooty about Lila,”

Nina waves her hand in my direction.

“Everyone gets snooty at Lila, she's way

prettier than they are,” Killian says and wraps his

arms around my front, giving me a hug.

“Plus, there's you,” Nina smirks. “You're

very affectionate now.”

“Hey,” Killian huffs, “I'm a very

affectionate person.”

“To Lila,” Nina says.

“Who else am I supposed to be affectionate

for?” Killian chuckles behind me. “Definitely not

Ian or Alex.”

“Hey, fuck you,” Alex says and lifts his

middle finger in a salute.

“No thanks. I don't swing that way,” Killian

states firmly.

“You're so mean,” Alex says in a fake girly

voice. “I'm definitely attractive.” He pauses. “And

way hotter than you are.”

“Sure you are,” Killian deadpans.

“Ian!” Alex exclaims in horror. “Tell him

he's wrong.”

“When did I become everyone's parent?”

Ian asks to no one in particular. “How is this fair?”

“It just is,” Alex shrugs.

“God, I can't wait for you to get a girlfriend

and see how much of your,” Ian waves a hand at

Alex, “whatever, goes away.”

“Charisma?” Nina supplies.

“That,” Ian nods.

“Hey,” Alex scowls. “I don't date.”

“Neither did I,” Killian smirks. “Now look

at me.”

“You dated in high school,” I tell Alex and

then turn my head to look at Killian before adding,

“and so did you.”

An angry look settles across Alex's face.

“Let's not talk about high school.”

“What happened in high school?” Nina

asks.

“None of your damn business,” Alex huffs.

“Leave it alone.”

“Touchy,” my roommate grumbles.

A giant splash comes from the pond where

one of the girls finally fell over into the water. A

huge cheer goes up from passerbys.

“I think there's more people here than in

this entire town,” I shake my head. “Football

parties are crazy.”

“This is why you usually don't come,”

Killian points out.

Well, this was partially why I didn't come.

Too many drunk people, plus too many people in

general just seemed to be a disaster waiting to

happen. Especially when they all meet up with the

obnoxious football crowd. Far too many bad

choices in one area.

“Plus, this way Killian gets to show you

off,” Ian says. “So there's that.”

“Everyone who knows you, knows who

Lila is,” Alex frowns.

“Right,” Nina says. “But not everyone is

close to Killian. So most have no idea who she is.

It'll probably just take a few days for word to

spread that they're seeing each other.”

“Hello,” I wave my arms in the air. “The

person you're speaking about is right here. She can

hear you.”

“Yeah, but we're just pointing out what will

happen now that you're in public with Killian,”

Alex explains. “Don't get your panties in a bind.”

“They're not,” I roll my eyes.

“Think you're ready to deal with having a

girlfriend?” Ian asks.

“Funny,” Killian scoffs, “I thought Lila and

I decided to go slow.”

“We did,” I agree. “Apparently they missed

that memo that it was just us. Not all of us.”

“Topic change,” Killian announces.

“Does anyone have any idea how mad

Coach is going to be when he finds out how large

this party got?” Ian asks.

“Shit,” Alex winces. “He's going to string

me up by my balls and torture me.”

Killian chuckles behind me. “You're not

going to be tortured.”

“Have you met Coach?” Alex scoffs. “I'll

be lucky if I don't ride the bench the rest of the

season. I mean it, next time someone stop me

before I do something stupid.”

“You know who would do a great job at

making sure that happens?” Ian asks with an evil

smirk.

Alex doesn't hesitate before asking, “Who?”

“A girlfriend,” Ian grins.

Alex lets out several expletives and the rest

of us fall into a fit of laughter.

Chapter Twenty

Killian

The muscles in my arms are burning, which

always gives way to the fact it's a good workout. It

might not be conventional, but it definitely works.

Ian tosses another straw bale over into the

bed of the truck, while Alex lifts from the bed to

stack it against the others.

It's Sunday, the last one of the month and

Lila's mom and my mom decided to have a

cookout. Ian and Alex came to help me finish farm

chores inside while Lila helps prepare food in the

kitchen.

She'd probably rather be out here, but our

moms can be a little scary when getting their way.

So being trapped in the kitchen might be a more

accurate statement.

Finally, the last straw bale is loaded onto the

pickup. It wasn't that they were heavy, but

constantly being in movement of up and down and

side to side, it definitely took a strain on your

muscles.

“Are we done?” Ian pants, bracing his

hands on his legs. “I think I'm going to die.”

“Suck it up, buttercup,” Alex snorts and

slaps him on the back. Of the two of us townies,

Alex is back home on the farm far more often than

I am. He doesn't even look like he's broken into a

sweat.

“Is this the part where some hot girl walks

over here and offers us sweet tea?” Ian asks and

glances longingly towards the back of the house

where all the women are at.

“No,” I roll my shoulders to stretch out the

kink building up. “No one is going to waltz out here

and offer you anything other than a tongue lashing

if you expect someone to cater to you in this town.”

“So I don't get a drink?” Ian asks.

I slap him upside the head and sigh heavily.

We've been out here for about four hours moving

things around, so it probably was time for a break.

“Sure,” I say. “Let's head inside for a bit.”

Ian breathes a sigh of relief as we make our

way towards the house. On the back deck, we take

off our muddy boots before walking inside. My

mother would skin me alive if I tracked dirt in her

house. Usually, it wouldn't be a big deal to just

vacuum it up, but three dirty boys who are tired

aren't that motivated to clean up after themselves.

Therefore: boots off.

“Hello!” I holler out.

“We’re in the kitchen!” my mother yells

back. Like there's anywhere else in the house

they'd be at.

My mom and Mrs. Summers are cooking at

the stove while Lila is sitting on a stool at the

breakfast bar. She flickers her eyes towards our

parents before looking at me again.

Right. We haven't told them anything.

“Maybe Killian and his friends will know,”

Mrs. Summers says to my mom.

“They're boys, I doubt they pay attention to

things like that,” my mom shakes her head.

“What don't we pay attention to?” Alex

says and sits next to Lila at the counter.

“We’re trying to find out if Lila has a nice

young man in her life,” my mother explains. “But

she isn't saying anything.”

“Which always means it's something,” Mrs.

Summers adds.

“It's just not a big deal right now,” Lila

sighs. “Honestly, it's a bit too soon to meet the

parents.”

Ha. That's the biggest load of horse shit

I've ever smelled.

“Killian, have you met him?” Mrs. Summers

asks.

“Oh yeah,” I play along, “he's pretty cool.

A great catch.”

Both of our mothers turn to stare at me.

“Honey,” my mom says, “are you feeling alright?

You never like Lila’s boyfriends.”

“He plays football,” Alex smirks at me.

“Must be why.”

“You're dating a football player?” Lila’s

mother gasps. “I didn't realize you were into guys

who played sports.”

“Totally,” Lila deadpans.

I snort in response.

“Ian,” my mother points a finger at him.

“You're being awfully quiet. What do you know?”

“Ah, nothing, Mrs. Blane,” Ian shrugs.

“Ian.” Goodness, she's using her I’m a

mother, don't mess with me voice.

Ian, the weakest of us it seems, looks at me

while pleading for help with his eyes. Glancing

away from him, I arch my eyebrows at Lila.

I can tell she doesn't want to start this

merry-go-round of questions, but it's going to

happen one way or another. Besides, just because

Lila decided she wants to go slow doesn't mean I

agree with that.

I cross the room over towards her, placing

my hand on the back of her neck when she looks

up at me. Leaning down, I brush my mouth quickly

against hers. Long enough our parents will notice,

but not long enough that they're going to beat me

with a wooden spoon.

“Oh my God!” my mother screams,

grabbing Mrs. Summers by the shoulders and

shaking her. “He kissed her!”

“He kissed her!” Lila’s mom yells at almost

the same level of craziness as my mother.

“You started this,” Lila sighs and leans her

head back against me.

“When did this happen?” my mother rapidly

fires questions. “Why didn't I know about this? Is it

new? Is Lila the girl you were conflicted over when

you came back the other weekend?”

“Mom,” I wince.

“Alex, Ian, did you know?” Mrs. Summers

demands.

The two men have the decency to look

ashamed while keeping their mouths shut.

“Why does everyone know but me?” Mrs.

Summer stomps her foot.

“Me too!” my mother echoes angrily.

“We're hip parents, we can be cool. Why wouldn't

we approve of this?”

“I don't know, maybe because you've been

planning on this since we were babies?” Lila says

sarcastically. “No one thought you wouldn't

approve, just that you two would flip out.”

“Who's flipping out?” Mrs. Summers flings

her arm around my mother's shoulders. “We’re as

cool as cucumbers.”

“Yeah,” my mother lifts her chin in

agreement.

I imagine if Lila and Nina were twenty-five

years older that they would mimic how our parents

act almost perfectly.

“Okay,” Lila laughs. “Sure you are. Either

way, Killian and I are going slow. I want to go slow.

We're not official or anything. I want time to enjoy

something weird and new in my life, okay?”

“So you two,” my mother points from Lila

to me, “aren't dating?”

“They're being complicated for no reason,”

Alex says rather unhelpfully.

“Yeah,” Ian agrees with him. “But they're

going to do whatever they want with or without our

input.”

“Exactly,” Lila nods her head.

My mom has a skeptical look on her face as

she eyeballs me. “And you're okay with this? I

would assume, and thank the Lord, that when you

would settle down out of your flings with those girls

that you would do it the right way.”

That causes me to roll my eyes. “What

makes you think I haven't tried?”

“Lila,” Mrs. Summers looks at her daughter,

“are you not letting Killian be an honest man?”

Alex snorts next to me and Ian coughs a

few times to hide his laughter. God I hate them.

And can only imagine where they'll run with that

comment Lila's mother just made.

“Mom,” Lila groans and gives me her stink

eye.

“What?” I raise my hands in surrender. “I

didn't say it.”

“You started this,” Lila repeats. “This is all

on you.”

“So make an honest man out of him,” Alex

laughs next to us. I pop him upside the head and

shake my head. “What the hell, man?”

“Language!” Mrs. Summers hollers at us.

“Stop it,” I tell Alex.

“I didn't start it, Lila’s mom said it first,” the

quarterback pouts.

“Not a good enough excuse,” I sigh.

Sometimes bringing the guys home with me felt

more like tacking on siblings in a sense. No wonder

my parents stopped after me. More than one and

we'd be too much of a handful.

“This is going wonderful and all, but can we

change the subject?” Lila asks. “When's the food

going to be ready?”

“You can't just drop a bomb on us that

you're seeing Killian and then just toodle right along

like it's not a big deal,” her mother replies.

“But it's not a big deal,” Lila emphasizes.

“If kind of is,” Ian clears his throat and

steps away so he's on the other side of the counter

where I can't reach him. “It's a new dynamic in our

group.”

“How does this change the group

dynamic?” I roll my eyes.

“Our group is pretty dysfunctional as it is,”

Alex shrugs.

“What if you two break up?” Ian asks.

“We're not even dating!” Lila growls.

Yeah, I'm definitely going to need to have a

talk with her about that. Just because she's anti-

label in this desire to be careful doesn't mean I'm all

hunky-dory for it.

“I did not hear this!” Mrs. Summers says. “I

didn't hear my daughter just tell me she's knocking

boots with her lifelong best friend just for funsies.”

“I didn't say that, mom,” Lila groans. “Just

that we weren't dating.”

“Same thing! What the hell do you think

you're doing?” her mother demands. “Just because

you want to go slow doesn't mean you don't put a

label on it. Otherwise everyone is going to get

confused and someone's feelings are going to get

hurt.”

“Killian,” Lila sighs and looks up at me,

“are your feelings hurt?”

Are they? Not by much. Would I like to be

able to beat my chest and warn off every guy that

so much as breathes in her direction with an actual

excuse for doing it? Hell yeah. “Now probably isn't

the best time for this conversation,” I say instead.

Lila's eyebrows pull together as she frowns.

“I thought you were okay with this?”

“And I am,” I assure her. “But like I said,

we should probably have this conversation later.”

“Well, we're having it now,” she turns in her

seat to face me directly.

“Is it so bad if I want to say ‘hey, she's

mine’ to someone instead of ‘no, we have no

fucking idea what we're doing’? Because I'd like to

at least be able to explain to someone what's

happening.”

“We're going slow,” she repeats. And I'm

hearing her, I really am, but I don't think she's

hearing me.

“So what happens if someone asks me if

you're my girlfriend?” I frown, ignoring everyone

else witnessing this debate. “And I have to say no,

because you don't want to be called that. So then

they want to hook up with me or something. And

play the but you don't have a girlfriend so it's not

cheating card.”

Lila’s back stiffens. “So you want to see

someone else to get your rocks off?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “No, that's

not what I'm saying. But what comeback do I have

beyond ‘no’ when someone asks me?”

“Why do you need a comeback?”

“Why shouldn't I use one?” I counter. “But

shouldn't I be allowed to say that the girl I care

about, the girl who I want to be my girlfriend

wouldn't take too kindly to girls hitting me up for a

one night stand? And that I'm off the market.

Because this,” I wag my finger back and forth

between us, “doesn't make us exclusive in my

mind. And I want to be fucking exclusive.”

“I'm just not there,” Lila sighs angrily.

“Why is this suddenly so important? It wasn't

important yesterday.”

But it was. And deep down in my gut, it's

been important for awhile. And just because I seem

to be way more into her than she is into me, doesn't

mean I can force the same level of feelings on to

her. That's not fair.

To either of us.

“You're right,” I say calmly. “It's not

important to you. But it is to me. And it has been to

me. I tried doing it your way, for your sake,

because it's what you wanted. But that's not how I

want to do this.”

“So what are you saying?” Lila asks. She

looks so nervous, and I hate that I put that look on

her face.

“That if you want to go slow, that's fine. But

that means that if something better comes along, if

someone wants to actually be with me then I have

the right to take it. That's the ultimatum. Either

you're with me and we're exclusive, or you're just

going slow and I walk when it's something I can no

longer put up with.”

“Killian,” Lila frowns.

“It's not important to you, Lila,” I

emphasize. “And I'm trying. Can you honestly say

the same?”

She opens and closes her mouth a few

times, but it's eerily quiet in the compact kitchen. I

shake my head, unwilling to let this blow up even

more than it already has. Taking a step back, I

shove my hands in the pockets of my Wranglers

and move towards the back of the house for my

boots.

“I'm going for a drive to clear my head,” I

announce to the room at large. “I'll be back before

supper.”

“Need a friend?” Alex asks quietly.

“No, man,” I shake my head with a rueful

smile. “But thanks for offering.”

And no one makes a peep even after the

back door slams shut.

Chapter Twenty-One

Lila

I'm not even sure what to say about the

shitstorm that just happened.

How had we gone from defending our

somewhat relationship to having a meltdown? And

it wasn't even a meltdown, it wasn't even a fight.

I'm not sure what to call it exactly.

Unfair.

Yeah, that's it. It was an unfair encounter on

both sides.

I got it. I'm sure Killian thinks I don't, but I

do. He wants to be able to say I'm his in public, out

loud. And that makes it real.

But for me, that's just too fast. One

relationship after another after another. I don't want

to be that girl who can't make up her own mind. I

don't want to be that person who winds up

desperately in love with her best friend who

decides she's nothing like what he's used to and

walks away.

It's scary and unsure. But most of all it's

unfair, but I'm not those girls and I don't want my

past to be that I bounced around guys like they

have.

Why can't Killian just see that?

The truck out back has long since left the

driveway, leaving all of us quiet and lost in our own

heads.

It's funny how someplace can be completely

void of noise and still be deafening.

“Is no one going to go after him?” Ian

finally asks, breaking the silence.

Mrs. Blane just shakes her head. “It’s best

to let him clear his own head before anyone tries to

intervene.”

“That was kind of brutal,” Alex sighs and

glances at me. “You okay?”

Not in the least bit. “Yep.”

“Yeah, you look real peachy-keen right

now,” Alex deadpans. “Seriously though, Lila. I'm

your friend too, if you need anything.”

“Why don't you boys go sit in the living

room and watch some television?” Mrs. Blane

points out of the room. “Let the girls talk.”

“Sure thing,” Ian nods. Both him and Alex

get up and scurry from the room like their asses

were lit on fire.

“Lila,” my mother finally speaks after the

quiet settles back in. “I'm disappointed in you.”

That sends me reeling back in my chair. “At

me? For what?”

“For treating Killian that way,” she shakes

her head.

“Mom,” I start but she raises her hand for

me to be quiet and I quickly snap my jaw shut.

“We’re parents. We've been there, done

that, sold the stock and lit the money on fire. We

already can see where this is going. And where it's

going is hell in a handbasket.”

“I'm not oblivious to how my son behaves

at school, much to his dismay,” Mrs. Blane shakes

her head sadly. “And to watch him be so sure of

something and have it dangled out of his reach is

heartbreaking as a mother. If you're not sure Lila,

then I'd rather you cut it off now than further on.”

“It's not that,” I interrupt before either of

them can say something else. “I was with Jared,

then Brad, and now I'm seeing Killian. It just seems

too fast to flip-flop from one guy to the next.”

My mom's face softens. “I get that, I do.

But you went on a few dates with this Brad fellow,

you weren't dating him in a serious capacity. You

dated Jared for a long while and he was just

horrible. You have the right to move on however

fast you want. I can't imagine you took liking

Killian with a grain of salt.”

“Of course not. He's been my best friend for

over half my life,” I frown.

“That's my point, you know him. It's serious

again and it's okay to feel rushed. But don't you

think he's feeling the same way?”

“No, he isn't.” I wave my hand towards the

back of the house. “Clearly, since he left.”

“I think you need to have a talk with him,”

my mom says softly. “And I think you need to try

and listen more because you're not hearing all of

it.”

“Okay,” I nod, because there's not much

else to do be agree with her. I turn towards Mrs.

Blane and say, “I'll speak with Killian. I don't like

arguing with him or making him feel that way at all.

I'm sorry.”

“I know,” Mrs. Blane smiles politely at me.

“But he's my baby boy, and you're his best friend.

It's not going to be an easy ride, but it'll be easier in

lot ways you wouldn't have thought about it.”

“Like what?” I ask.

“You already know each other,” Killian's

mother shrugs. “That's usually the hard part.

Finding out about someone and then deciding if

that's a person you want to be with for a long time.

You two already have that figured out.”

“And you figured it out when you were

toddlers,” my mom chuckles.

Yeah, I smile softly at that thought, I guess

we did.

It's a few hours before Killian comes back.

He drops a cooler off by the back door along with

his fishing pole. Instead of coming into the kitchen

though, he heads into the living room to join Ian

and Alex.

My mom must see the sad look crossing

over my face because she pats my shoulder as she

walks by the sink.

“Just give him some space for now,” she

says. “It couldn't have been easy saying all he did

in front of everyone like that. Let him cool his

roots.”

I half-smile at that. Cool your roots was a

saying she used to tell us because our temper came

from her side of the family and we needed to keep

it in check.

No one's ever lied who said that redheads

tend to have tempers. We do. And they aren't

always pretty.

“Supper almost done?” I ask, peeking over

the counter at the stovetop.

“Yes,” my mom nods. “Go set the table.”

“I swear feeding all of you is going to be the

death of my wallet,” Mrs. Blane chuckles.

I collect dinner plates and napkins, setting

them down along the long dining table. There are

two benches that run along either side. It helps that

our families cook together so often or else this table

would be highly unnecessary.

“Boys!” Mrs. Blane hollers out as soon as

the final plate is set on the table. There’s movement

from the living room right before the guy's shuffle

into the kitchen. Killian sandwiches himself

between Ian and Alex on one bench.

No one says a word as we all slip into our

seats and start to load our plates up with food. It’s

quiet but tense. Both mothers are sitting at

opposing heads of the table, leaving me alone on

the bench across from all the guys.

“So,” Mrs. Blane clears her throat, “how

was driving around?”

“It was fine,” Killian grunts before lifting a

fork of mashed potatoes into his mouth.

“I see,” his mother mumbles and glances

from me to my mother.

“Football is going great this year,” my mom

comments. “Seems like another winning season is

going to happen.”

“Yeah,” Alex nods his head.

Mom looks at me, but doesn’t say anything.

And that’s how the rest of the night goes.

Someone asks a question and gets a curt answer.

Everyone talks like they’re walking around on pine

needles. I’d say eggshells, but this is by far worse

than that.

My mother hugs me goodbye as we step

into the driveway to head across town towards

campus. Ian and Alex dart for Ian’s car, leaving

Killian and I alone by his truck.

Well. That wasn't subtle at all.

It's quiet as we climb inside and Killian

starts the engine. He doesn't look at me before he

pulls onto the road.

I tap my feet to the low thrum of music

playing, trying to think of something to say that's

not going to make this situation worse.

“Maybe this isn't such a good idea,” Killian

says softly.

My heart jumps in my throat at his words.

“We’re at two different stages. I don't want

to pressure you when you've made it abundantly

clear that being my girlfriend isn't what you want.”

“It's not not what I want,” I shift

uncomfortably in my seat. “It just feels fast.”

“You've been single for almost a month,”

Killian says calmly. “I don't count Bradley because

he's an asswipe who didn't deserve your attention.

And I'm going to be frank with you, Lila. Because I

don't want any confusion on what I want.”

“Okay,” I whisper, but I doubt he hears me.

“I like you. I've liked you since that stupid

Union dining date night event that Ian told me to

take you to. I thought it would get you out of my

head,” he says while tightening his hands on the

steering wheel. He still doesn't look at me. “So

maybe I'm just invested more into this. I don't

know.”

“It hasn't even been one full day,” I wince.

“For you, no it hasn't. For me, it's been

weeks. So I can back off and we can pick this up

when you decide you're ready if that makes things

better for you.”

Did it though? It surprises me that he's liked

me that long. It actually more so surprises me that

he likes me in general. Maybe that's part of my

problem. It's hard to believe that the manwhore of

campus, the guy I've seen flaunt around many girls

for one night only, actually wants a relationship

with me.

“But I'm still standing by my ultimatum. We

can do that if you want, but I'll walk if it gets to be

too much. I hate waiting around, being unsure of

what will happen,” Killian adds.

“I'm not purposely trying to be difficult,” I

say.

“I know you aren't. But you're being

difficult regardless.”

Story of my life.

“But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten

irritated with you in front of our parents and

friends. That wasn't fair at all.”

I stare at him as he pulls up to a stoplight.

Even upset with me over my inability to just be

with him like a normal person would be, he's still so

kind to me.

Killian glances towards me, lifting one of his

eyebrows in question.

I probably look like a goof just sitting beside

him and staring. So instead I decide to act. Leaning

forward, I press a quick kiss to Killian’s mouth

before backing away a few inches.

“What was that for?” he asks.

“For being everything you're not,” I smile.

Now he's looking at me like I've lost my

mind. “What does that mean?”

“You're practically a celebrity on campus.

You have no shortage of girls wanting to hang off

you in inappropriate ways. And you don't ever have

girlfriends.”

“I'm not following what this has to do with

you.”

“That's just it,” I shrug, “it doesn't. You're

not that Killian with me. You're,” I pause for a

moment to try and gather the right words, “my best

friend who just happens to kiss me.”

Killian frowns and pulls through the green

light, going back to staring at the road. “And that's

a bad thing?”

“It's confusing.”

“We already went over this part,” Killian

says in frustration. “I like you.”

“And I like you, too.”

“But I want you to be my girlfriend. And

you don't want that.”

“I do.”

“No, Lila, you don't. You've been saying it

for a week now.”

“Why did you agree to it then, if it wasn't

what you wanted?”

“The whole dating without dating aspect?”

Killian asks. “I've been trying to come up with a

plan since the backyard bash to get you to see me

so I could ask you out. Doing it your way meant

you'd be more comfortable when I finally got the

nerve to do it.”

“And now?”

“Now it just blew up in our faces. I thought

I could wait without a label, but the truth is that I

just can't. It's something I want us to do. It's not a

fling or a game to me, and that makes me want to

make this real.”

“And it's not real the other way?”

Killian shakes his head and sighs heavily.

“It's a sham, pretending to want what you do to

make you happy while giving up my happiness.

There's a compromise, yes. But something has to

give.” He sighs again. “I can't lose a part of what I

believe for you, Lila. It shouldn't work that way.”

“I understand,” I say.

Neither of us say anything as the arch that

declares you're entering campus comes into view.

There's other people out driving around looking far

more happier than we do.

The apartment complex parking lot is sparse

when we pull in. And even when Killian kills the

engine, we don't move to exit the truck. It's as if the

truck is holding us hostage until we come to an

agreement on what to do.

Killian’s still staring out the windshield not

looking at me. So I decide to take a leap of faith.

“Can we date a little first?” I ask quietly.

“You can tell people that we're together, that I'm

off the market or whatever. I just want to date you

for a little while.”

“Is that a commitment?” he finally asks.

“I guess so.”

“We're doing this backwards you know,”

Killian finally turns to me. “I'm the campuses

playboy. I should be the one with commitment

issues.”

“I don't have commitment issues.”

That causes him to snort. “You're kidding,

right? It took you this long to commit to me.”

“Just give me some time to catch up,” I say

softly. “That's all I want.”

“Okay,” Killian agrees. “Time I can give

you. But I can't give you unlimited time, Lila.”

Killian shoves open his door to step out of the

truck, “I don't want my heart broken.”

Yeah, I think to myself, me neither.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Killian

Part of me wonders if this is a dream.

If I'm trapped in this feeling of going around

and around with no end in sight. There's a

hollowness now that wasn't there before, and I

don't know what to do with that.

“You missed,” Ian repeats in astonishment

for the fourth time.

I've yet to say anything back. Mostly

because I fucking know that isn't going to make

what he's saying untrue.

I missed.

We should have been tied, taking the game

into overtime. I should have caught the ball Alex

tossed my way. It was right there. And yet, I

grabbed a hold of nothing but air.

Because I missed.

“Dude,” Alex scowls, shoving his pads

angrily into his locker. “What the hell was that?

You've caught longer yards than that without

missing a beat. What happened?”

“I don't know.” It's the only answer I have.

“We're not undefeated anymore,” Alex

continues on, shoving more things into his locker

angrily. I'm sure if he could yank the locker off it's

hinges and smash it on the floor he'd do it in a

heartbeat. Or maybe hit me with it.

Since I just cost us the game.

“I don't know what happened,” I repeat.

Ian blinks at me. “You missed.”

I bristle and stand up to glare at Ian. “I

fucking heard you the first four times, Ian.”

“Will someone just tell me what the hell

happened?” Alex shoves my shoulder. “Is this how

it's going to be? You get sidetracked by a girl and

suddenly you can't play worth a damn?”

Balling my hands into fists, I step towards

Alex. “Watch your fucking mouth. Lila doesn't

have anything to do with this.”

“Then what does?” the quarterback glares.

“Because you could have caught that in your sleep

and you didn't.”

“I don't know.” It's a shitty answer, but it's

still the only one I have. And nothing that I can

think of is going to change the outcome.

Coach Stephen’s comes waltzing into the

locker room, leaving us all in a state of

disappointment and frustration. We know we

should have won, and now it’s all been shot to shit

because of me.

Coach clears his throat. “I’m sure we’re all

still reeling,” he says in a tired voice. “As much as I

would like to think that this team is invincible,

we’re not. We’re not infallible, just like everyone

else.”

“Yes, Coach,” a few people respond in

unity.

“This failure is on me,” Coach continues.

“Not one person in here should take it upon

themselves to shoulder that blame that’s solely

mine. How is it mine, you might ask? I’ll tell you.”

He folds his arms across his massive chest and

shakes his head slightly. “I treat you like you’re

golden, being shaped to be what the NFL wants you

to be, a basic analogy of a college farm team ripe

for the picking. But that’s not why you’re here at

college, is it?”

“No, Coach,” I mumble along with several

others.

“You’re here, paying money or riding the

gravy train, I don’t care. But you’re here for school

first. And I treat you like football comes first. Finals

are coming up, you’re all ready to get to this

championship and get the hell out of here. But

you’re straining and I should have seen this

coming.”

“What about the championship?” Alex

demands while shooting me a dirty look.

“The championship will still be there,”

Coach deadpans. “It’s one game. It’s not your life. I

know better than anybody how fast football can be

taken away and that’s not something that any of

you should have to deal with. It’s an honor to play,

it’s not an honor to be entitled to play.”

“Yes, Coach,” Alex nods his head, but he

still looks pissed off. Not that I can blame him for

being angry.

Another few minutes go past as Coach

discusses the ins and outs for our workout

tomorrow to be better than we were today. A few

of the players disappear to the shower area and

before I can collect myself enough to hunker down

and hide, Coach steps up next to me, effectively

making everyone else in the vicinity scram.

“What’s up?” I ask lamely.

“You didn’t catch the ball,” Coach answers

calmly.

Dear God, is that all anyone wants to

fucking tell me right now? I think I’m pretty well

aware of the fact that I didn’t catch the damn ball.

But I don’t say any of that out loud. Not if I want

to not be drilled into the ground by Coach, that is.

“No, sir, I didn’t.”

“Feeling off?”

“No.”

“Got your head out of the game?”

“No, sir.”

Coach Stephen sighs. “Honest to God miss

then?”

I jerk my head in a stiff nod. “Yes, sir.”

“Killian,” Coach lays a hand on my

shoulder. “It’s okay to miss. It’s bound to happen in

life. It’ll probably happen again. The best thing you

can do is not let it phase you to the point you think

it’ll always happen, got it?”

“Don’t let it get to me,” I repeat.

“And don’t let Alex give you too much hell

over it, either,” Coach adds. “The boy isn’t made of

gold himself, don’t let anyone here fool you into

thinking that.”

“Yes, sir,” I nod my head again.

“I’ll see you at next practice then,” Coach

says before turning around to walk out of the locker

room. Even after he’s gone, no one makes a peep.

A piece of hay could hit this ugly cement floor and

you’d hear the whisper of it touching down.

I don’t bother to shower, I feel too beat up

and raw to deal with standing in the locker room

any longer than I need to. So I grab my bag and

duck out, hoping for at least a reprieve from the

usual journalists and groupies that hang around

outside the door.

But no such luck.

And on a day like today, it shouldn’t

surprise me that my luck seems to have run out.

A few journalists from the Hanson Pawrint

Shop, and yeah, that’s the actual name of the

newspaper on campus, scrounge up enough courage

to fire questions at me that I simply ignore.

Does is look like I’m in the mood to talk

right now after that shit hole of a game?

No, I don’t think so.

The journalists at least have the decency to

lay off when I don’t respond, but the girls push

forward like it’s their God-given mission to make

me feel better. Which it’s not. But the girls do make

me pause, not for them, but to see if Lila is waiting

somewhere in their depths just waiting for me.

It shouldn’t surprise me that she’s not here.

She doesn’t usually come to games. Except for my

freshman year, right before the whole campus knew

my name, she used to sit in the stands and cheer me

on.

After jostling around people to get out of

the harem of girls, I’m finally able to break free and

make my way towards my apartment. Lila’s door is

shut, not a peep coming from the other side as I

lean against the door to hear like some creeper.

Guess she’s not home.

My key doesn’t even make it fully out of

my pocket before my own door is wrenched open.

Lila gives me an apologetic look while holding up

two different cups of milkshakes and suddenly all

the tension deflates from my body.

This girl, right here, is the reason that I

know I’ll be okay.

“Sorry to break in,” Lila says as I move into

the foyer. “Well, it’s not really breaking in because

I’ve had the key since we first got here. But still.”

She waves the drinks around. “I got you ice

cream.”

“I didn’t win the game,” I say quietly.

She shrugs her shoulders, keeping an

indifferent look on her face. “Then it’s just your

luck that ice cream happens to be a great

celebratory and angry form of food.”

“Angry?” I arch an eyebrow at her and

pluck one out of her hand.

“You buy me milkshakes when I get

dumped. And I’m certainly not happy when that

happens,” she shrugs again. “Same difference.”

“Uh-huh,” I snort and flop down onto the

couch. “Thanks for this.”

“What else would I be good for?” she

teases.

I look at her, actually look at her, now that

she’s sitting besides me. Her skin in a little red and

she has on my old practice jersey from high school.

My mouth falls open as I continue to stare at her.

“What?” she asks after releasing her straw.

“Did I get milkshake on my face somewhere?”

“You were at the game.”

Lila rolls her eyes. “Okay, and?”

“You never go to my games.”

“Not true. I went up until middle school.

High school was iffy because no one likes going on

dates to football games unless you have a crush on

a player. And here, well, you’ve got such a big fan

base you really don’t need me.”

“I do not have that big of a fan base,” I

scoff.

Lila rolls her gunmetal eyes again. “Sure

you don’t.” She pats my thigh next to her on the

couch. “You just keep on telling yourself that,

sweetie.”

“I’m just kind of shocked you were there,” I

admit.

“I wanted to cheer you on,” she says. “And

then I decided to cheer you up, you grumpy

grump.”

“Grumpy grump seems a little redundant.”

She flicks me in the arm. “Not if you’re

going to act like one, it doesn’t.”

“Goodness,” I rub the spot on my arm

where she flicked me at. “For someone so tiny, you

sure can be vicious.”

“Like you didn’t know that already,” Lila

laughs. “Now drink your milkshake before I get

done with mine and demand to have yours.”

“Demand?” I scoff.

“If you didn’t eat like such a girl then you

wouldn’t have to share,” Lila says before sticking

out her tongue at me.

“Have you ever thought that maybe it’s

because you eat like a dude that forces me to have

to share my food with you?” I ask her. She’s

making me feel better by bickering with me; who

knew that would work?

Lila pauses in sipping and stares at me with

her brows pulled together. “I eat like a guy?”

“Sometimes.”

“Is it unattractive?” she winces.

She’s kidding me right? I’ve seen her try

and eat a worm before on a dare when we were

eight. She didn’t do it, but she sure as shit acted like

she was going to. “No, it’s not unattractive to me,”

I answer her slowly. “I rather like the fact that you

don’t try and act like an airhead who only knows

what salad tastes like.”

She tilts her milkshake in my direction and

wrinkles her nose. “Salads are disgusting.”

“Damn straight,” I agree. We clink our

plastic milkshake cups together in solidarity.

“We’re probably the most unhealthy couple

to ever walk the planet,” Lila snorts as she looks at

her milkshake cup that’s half gone. “Next thing you

know, we’ll be ordering tacos and binge watching

television until an ungodly hour.”

Tacos did sound amazing, actually. But I’m

stuck on the fact she admitted that we were a

couple. Couples called each other boyfriend and

girlfriend. Couples were seen in public together

being obnoxiously attentive to solely one person.

Their favorite person.

“What?” Lila looks at me and reels

backwards. “You’re staring at me again. I swear to

God, if there’s ice cream in my hair or on my face

in an embarrassing place like below my nose, I’m

going to murder you and shave your legs.”

Laughter spills out of me from the horrified

look on her face and the words she’s spewing. “You

can’t humiliate me if you murder me.”

“Oh yes, I can.” Lila sits up straighter and

points her finger at me as she balances the cast to

hold up the milkshake. “Because I’ll take pictures

and post them on flyers everywhere around

campus.”

“Baby doll,” I play along in an exasperated

voice, “everyone can see my shins when I’m on the

field. So that’s not going to work.”

“Watch me.”

I eyeball her, but the corner of her mouth is

twitching, giving away the fact that she’s not being

serious at all. Thank God for that, too. She’d drive

me insane if she could. “Thank you,” I say and sit

my cup down on the coffee table.

“For what? What did I do?”

“Everything,” I smile and tug her towards

me. I kiss the side of her head and breathe in that

addicting vanilla scent. “You did everything.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Lila

Killian comes back out of his room after

showering. He’s changed from basketball shorts

and a sweaty t-shirt into grey sweatpants and a

thermal long-sleeve with the sleeves rolled up.

Looking at him now, my brain tends to short circuit

like it’s being rewired to remember thoughts of

liking him can stay.

“You doing good over here?” he asks,

flopping back down onto the couch next to me. Our

milkshakes have been emptied now for twenty

minutes.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “How about you?”

“Can’t complain.” He bends over the side

of the couch and picks up a textbook. “I take it

back, I can complain. I have a stupid test on

Monday that I need to study for.”

Indecision wars within me. “Do I need to

go?”

Killian glances up from the textbook to my

face. “Hell no. You’re perfectly fine right where

you are.” He pauses and clears his throat. “Unless

you have somewhere else you need to be, that is.”

“No,” I answer slowly. “I don’t have

anywhere else to be. You just seemed like you were

going to study.” Then it’s my turn to pause. “I can

run to my place and change into pajamas and grab

my book bag with my textbooks in them.”

“Study date on a Saturday night,” Killian

smirks. “We’re officially old people.”

I stick out my tongue as I stand up. “I’ve

always been old, you’re just catching up.”

He whacks at the back of my legs with his

textbook as I shuffle by him to get out the door.

Once I cross the four feet into my own apartment, I

come face to face with Nina laying on the couch

sleeping.

Clearly, it’s been a rough day for everybody.

“Psst,” I whisper and poke her in the side.

“Are you alright?”

“Hmm?” Nina asks and looks up at me.

“I’m fine,” she yawns. “Jackson’s going to be so

pissed tonight so I decided to skip out on watching

him drink himself into being an asshole and came

home to nap.” She twirls a finger in the air. “Oh, to

be a football player’s girlfriend and designated

driver.”

“But you love him,” I point out.

Nina blows out a breath and unsticks her

face from the couch. “Yeah, but not when he’s an

asshole.”

Well, alrighty then.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“I’m going to change and grab my books to

study.”

Nina wrinkles her nose. “God, that’s so

lame to do on a Saturday night.”

“Uh, you’re napping on the couch. You

don’t have much room to talk.”

“I’m waiting on my shit-faced boyfriend to

crawl out of the bottle I’m sure your boyfriend-not-

boyfriend is going to hand him.”

“My boyfriend-not-boyfriend is studying in

his apartment because he has a test on Monday and

I’m going to keep him company,” I stick out my

tongue at her. “So your boyfriend is getting shit-

faced all by himself.”

She makes a noncommittal noise at me and

lays her head back down on the couch.

I slip off into my room and change into a

pair of yoga pants while keeping the jersey on and

ditching my tennis shoes for a pair of flip-flops

even those it’s starting to get cold. Four feet really

wasn’t going to make a difference. After grabbing

my book bag off the floor, I slip back inside

Killian’s apartment.

He’s still sitting on the couch with his

textbook in his lap. But instead of looking at the

textbook, his head is resting on the back cushion of

the couch with his eyes closed. I poke him in the

stomach as I move to sit next to him.

“Unf,” he grunts. “You have sharp, little

pointy fingers.”

“Purposely made by God to annoy the hell

out of you,” I chime in retort.

“Whatever you say, baby doll.”

“So, we’re going to study?” I ask. “Because

Nina says that Jackson is out drinking.”

“Okay. What does your question have to do

with what Nina told you Jackson is doing?”

“Maybe I should just rephrase my whole

question,” I clarify. “How come you want to study

and not go out and drink?”

“Drinking while in a shitty mood just leads

to a shittier mood,” Killian shrugs. “A lot of people

tend to forget alcohol is a depressant. Whatever

mood you go into drinking with, is the mood that’s

going to stick around. Not saying enough alcohol

won’t change that, but it’s not going to help me

any.”

“So you’re not drinking because then you’d

be in a crappy mood?”

“That and I need to study. And you’re a lot

nicer to look at than an empty library room.”

“Charmer,” I snort.

“And damn proud of it.”

Of course he is.

“So how was your day?” Killian asks and

flips open his textbook to a seemingly random page.

I squint at him. “Did you just flip your book

open with no idea where to start reading?”

“You didn’t answer my question and I have

a sticky note at the bottom.” He lifts up the

textbook so I can see the tiny sticky note sticking

out of the bottom of his book.

“Your question,” I repeat, drawing a blank

for a moment. “Right, on how my day was. It was

fine. I hung out and did a few art pieces from my

desk so I didn’t have to go to Fine Arts. Then, I

heated up some macaroni and dumped way too

much red pepper flakes in it. Pretty sure I had a

three-alarm fire going on in my mouth. Drank some

milk to stop the burning, brushed my teeth, then

went to your game.”

Killian blinks at me in silence. I’m not

entirely sure he heard everything that I just said. All

of a sudden he starts to laugh, loud and long.

“It’s not that funny,” I grunt and cross my

arms over my chest. “It was super hot.”

“I get that,” he chuckles. “Do you just

realize you told me about your whole day?”

I make a face at him. “Uh, wasn’t that the

point of your question?”

“Yes, it was. It’s just that no one I’ve ever

asked that to, besides you, would sum up their

whole day like that. Usually it’s just fine and that’s

the end of it.” He grins over at me. “But you

actually tell me.”

“That’s because you asked, you goof,” I roll

my eyes. “How would answering with fine tell you

anything about my day?”

Killian continues to grin at me. “That was

my whole point.”

“Wait, do people seriously just give you a

one worded response?” I gape. “Why?”

“Because everyone wants to ask me

questions. Which is fine, but it’s usually about

football or wondering if I’ll be at some party that

night. But you don’t care about any of that, so you

have an actual conversation with me.”

I clear my throat. “Well, first of all, I do

care about football for you because you worked

hard to get where you are. That’s something to be

proud of. I don’t do parties, so you’ve got me there.

Your life is just one strange world to people who

don’t know you, I guess.”

“People who don’t try to get to know me,”

he shrugs. “They see the surface and that’s about as

far as they’re willing to go.”

“Which is dumb,” I shake my head. “You’re

a great person.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I wouldn’t be with you if I thought you

weren’t a great person,” I say.

Killian stops to stare at me for a moment.

He did that earlier too, but I don’t know

why. He leans forward, propelling the textbook

onto the floor until he’s reached over to cup my

cheek in his hand. My breath stalls in the back of

my throat.

“Do you have any idea how much torture it

is to be with you and not be with you at the same

time?” he murmurs.

“You mean, like, romantically?” I gulp.

“Uh, that wasn’t where I was headed with

this,” Killian blushes, something I hardly ever see

happen to him. “I meant the whole dating but not

dating thing we’re doing.”

“Ah, the thing you don’t like,” I nod my

head in understanding.

“The thing I would like to be doing,” he

says. “You called us a couple earlier.”

I did? Oh. “Well, we kind of are.”

“I would really appreciate it, if you took the

‘kind of’ out of that statement.”

That makes me gulp. “Okay, so we're a

couple.”

Killian blinks. “Can you say that again? I

don't think my brain fully processed that.”

I roll my eyes. “I said we're a couple,” I

enunciate. “There, did you process that?”

“Hang on,” Killian leans towards me. His

eyes squint and search my face, but for what I don't

know. “You're serious.”

“Uh, was I supposed to be joking?” I frown.

“Because you're the one who wanted me to say it

again.”

“No, I wanted you to be serious. And you

were.”

“And that's surprising?”

“That you agreed? Hell yeah it is.”

“Killian,” I snort and push him back a little

with my hand to his chest. “You're being crazy.”

“Can't a guy be glad that he's part of a

couple now?” Killian grins.

“Sure,” I roll my eyes. “But you don't need

to be glad four inches from my face.”

“What if I was going to kiss you? Then

could I be glad being four inches from your face?”

I laugh. “I don't think scrunching up your

face like I'm a bug under a microscope makes it

seem like you want to kiss me.”

“So does this mean what I hope it means?”

“That you want to kiss me?” I question with

a soft chuckle.

“Well, yes. But that's not what I was talking

about.”

“Killian,” I snort. “I hate to be the one to

tell you this. But the world does not live inside your

head, so no one out here has any idea what's going

on in there,” I say and point from the room to his

forehead.

“Smartass. I meant as a couple, we're

exclusive.”

“I thought we were exclusive from the

beginning?”

“Hang on, I'm not finished,” Killian says

and holds his hand over my mouth like that'll stop

me from talking. “So, as I was saying before you

rudely interrupted, is that we're exclusive because

we're seeing each other. Like boyfriend-girlfriend.”

“Mmmf ugh drff.”

“What?” Killian says while removing his

hand. “I don't think that was English.”

“I said okay boyfriend-girlfriend it is.” I roll

my eyes. “Goodness, you didn't have to manhandle

me.”

All of a sudden, my book bag falls over

from where it was sitting between us as Killian

drags me over until I'm practically falling off his

lap.

“What are you doing?” I screech and grab a

hold of his shoulders as I about topple over on to

the floor. “Are you insane?”

“If by insane you mean insanely happy,

then oh yeah, I'm completely insane right now.”

“Killian, put me down!”

“You're not going to fall,” he grins and starts

placing little kisses all over my face. “I've got you.”

I grip a hold of his shoulders tighter. “I

swear to God, if you drop me right now I'm calling

your mother.”

Killian starts to shake with laughter. “Is this

how our relationship is going to go? I'm going to

annoy you and you're just going to threaten to call

my mom on me?”

“Yes,” I answer defiantly with a lift of my

chin.

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” he snorts. “That's a

two-way road you know, because I can call your

mother, too.”

“My mom would talk your ear off.”

“And mine wouldn't?” he challenges.

I go to open my mouth to say something but

Killian’s front door gets thrown open and I tilt my

head back to see an upside-down version of Ian and

Alex come walking into the apartment holding

cases of beer and takeout food.

“I'm extremely pissed still,” Alex says, “but

I'm sure you are too.” Both of the guys pause.

“What the hell are you two doing?”

“Did we interrupt you?” Ian asks and

glances back towards Alex.

“Screw if we interrupted them,” Alex

scowls and marches into the living room. He pauses

and stares down at us. “Uh, hi Lila.”

I wiggle my fingers at him that are still

gripping on to Killian’s shoulders since he's still

leaning over me causing me to dangle off the

couch.

“Up you go,” Killian sighs and hauls me

until I'm sitting upwards in his lap with my feet on

the seat next to us.

“We came to cheer you up,” Ian says while

eyeballing me. “But I think Lila covered that

already.”

“Well I didn't come here to cheer him up, I

came here to drink,” Alex shrugs and flops into one

of the reclining chairs.

“We were going to study, actually,” Killian

says.

“So study and eat at the same time,” Ian

shrugs. He glances down at the textbooks all over

the floor in front of the couch. “I guess you're

taking what Coach Stephen’s said to heart.”

That makes me wonder what he's talking

about. “What did your coach tell you?”

“That school is just as important as

football,” Killian says absently as he stares at Alex.

“I'm sorry, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Alex blows out a breath. “I

suck at losing, okay? You should know that from

high school.”

Boy, did we ever.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Killian

I shove open the door to exit Fine Arts after

walking Lila to class. It was my free period now, so

I head towards the Union for an early lunch.

There's bound to be at least a couple of people

there from the team.

Like Lila loves to point out, it's the only

place in town that can feed the lot of us.

It’s not surprising in the least to see Alex

sitting at a lone table. He’s been isolating himself

from the team since Saturday’s game. Not that I

want to tell him to get over it because that won’t

fix anything. But good grief, it’s not the end of the

world.

“Hey,” I say and drop into the lone chair

across from him.

“You didn’t get any food,” is all Alex says

as he picks at his plate with a fork.

“Are we cool?” I ask him.

He finally looks up at me. “We’re fine.”

“Right, because you sound so convincing

right now.”

“It’s not you,” Alex shakes his head and

drops his fork. “Honestly, we’re fine. You missed

and shit happens. I get that, I really do. And I know

you could give a rats ass if you couldn’t play

anymore.”

I cut off Alex before he can say anything

else. “I could too give a rats ass. The way I look at

it, I shouldn’t think I’m above somebody else just

because I’m good at football. If I make it to the

NFL, that’s great. If I don’t, it’s not the end of my

world. But I give a damn, because I can still play.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Alex sighs in

frustration. “It’s just that you would be okay

staying in this town. But it’s just not my home.”

Ah, now I think I get it. “You want to play

big so you can move on from this place.”

“That’s a shitty thing to think, isn’t it?” he

frowns. “My parents moved out here to take over

the farm. And don’t get me wrong, working on the

farm is great and I love to pitch in and help, but it’s

not the life I grew up with. I don’t love it the way

others do. It’s a proud thing to be a farmer, but I’m

not a farmer.”

“You’re a football player first,” I nod my

head. “I get that.”

Alex opens his mouth to say something but

the loud screeching noise of chairs being dragged

against the hardwood floors stops us. A few girls

slip down into them, surrounding us. Never mind

that it’s only a two person table now being seated

by six.

“Ladies,” I say tightly.

Alex just shakes his head again. “We were

having a private conversation.”

“You can still have it,” one of them

answers.

The girl closest to me sets her hand on my

thigh and I jerk my leg away from her touch.

“Look, I have a girlfriend,” I huff out.

“You didn’t a few weeks ago,” she smirks.

The girl leans into my side so far that she's

practically trying to climb into my lap, and no

amount of moving away seems to be deterring her.

Is this some type of game? Do girls really

think guys just throw out I have a girlfriend like

it’s some sort of challenge? I glance at her for a

moment and realize she’s vaguely familiar. It’s

something I’m used to feeling towards the girls on

campus.

“You don’t remember me,” the girl sighs

and settles against me even when I try and dislodge

her, she's stuck like glue. “We were in the game

room at the frat house.” She rolls her eyes. “Your

little friend came and interrupted us. You were

supposed to call me and never did.”

Right. The girl that I couldn’t remember

when Lila asked me. The same girl, now that I look

at her, that got in a tizzy when Lila had been

dumped by that assface of a boyfriend.

“Well considering that friend is now his

girlfriend, I’d say she’s doing far better than you,”

Alex says tightly. “And she’s a good person, so

show some respect.”

“And I’m not a good person?” the girl

scoffs.

“Considering I don’t even know your name,

you’re just not that high of a priority,” I say evenly.

“Yeah, well, you’ll be crawling back to the

fold when you’re little girlfriend realizes what an

asshole you are and that you aren’t capable of

being the relationship guy,” she huffs while finally

leaning off of me and then proceeds to storm off.

The rest of the girls pause and look around at each

other before silently following, who I’m assuming,

is their leader.

I lift my hand in a sarcastic wave goodbye

and lean back in my seat. Some people are just

completely crazy. And apparently, I have been too

drunk to accurately assess how crazy some of these

girls probably are.

“That was brutal,” Alex blows out a deep

breath.

“Thanks for sticking up for Lila with me,” I

say before pressing my lips together.

“It took you a while to finally come around

that you like her enough to want to be with her, like

hell am I going to let you throw that away,” Alex

shrugs. “But thanks, for also coming over here to

check on me.”

“Well if I didn’t, then who would?” I smirk.

“I don’t see Ian around or anything.”

“True,” he laughs. “But we’re good, man. I

promise.”

“We’ll beat the next team on Saturday.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say,

butterfingers.”

“You really want me to hit you, don’t you?”

I sigh loudly. “Coach would be so pissed if that

happened.”

“I’m the face of the team, that’s why.”

“Screw you, you are not.”

“You’re just jealous,” Alex grins. “But it’s

okay. I don’t think Lila’s into me that way, so

you’re safe.”

“Oh, gee. How lovely of you to leave my

girlfriend alone because she’s not interested in

you,” I laugh.

“Did you just say girlfriend?”

“I did.”

“When the hell did that happen?”

“When you and Ian decided to break into

my apartment and interrupt me. I’ll be needing that

key back by the way.” I smirk and hold open my

palm. He stares at my hand with a scowl before I

shrug my shoulders and fold my arms over my

chest. “Fine, keep the key. I don’t want to hear

about your eyeballs falling out when you see

something you didn’t want to see.”

“Dude,” Alex scowls. “Keep it in the

bedroom.”

I roll my eyes at him. “We aren’t moving

that fast, jeez. Learn to have a sense of humor.”

“You?” Alex points a finger at me. “You’re

not moving that fast? Since when? You’re the one

who usually hooks up on the weekends.”

“Hello,” I raise my hands in the air like it’s

an obvious answer, “I got the girl.”

“Finally,” he smirks. “Took you damn near

long enough.”

“I guess she’s been it for a long time,” I

sigh. “You know? Lila was always there, just never

thought we’d end up here. Together. It’s almost

surreal.”

“But it’s not. Want to know a little secret?”

Alex says, but doesn’t wait for me to respond

before he continues talking. “We all knew. Anyone

who’s been within two feet of you can tell. It’s

painfully obvious, and you’ve lived in that bubble

for so long that it was bound to pop. I’m just glad

you were both on the same page when it did burst.”

“It couldn’t have been that obvious. It’s

been over a decade since I met her.”

Alex stares at me. “I’ve known you since

we were in eighth grade when my family moved

here. It was obvious then, too.”

“No one told me that.”

“Are you insane? Why would we tell you

that? You would’ve done something stupid like ask

her out.”

“Hey,” I scowl. “I asked her out now.”

“You’re ready for a real girlfriend now.

Back in high school, hell even last year, all you

wanted to do was see how much attention you

could get from females. And I’m not judging you,”

Alex says calmly. “You know as well as I do that

when my girlfriend split in high school, I started

doing the same exact thing you’re doing.”

“Except you’re still doing it,” I point out.

“Haven’t found a reason to stop.”

Well, he’s got me there. I found my reason.

Someday he’ll find his, too.

“Listen, I’ve got to head to class,” Alex

says and offers me his hand to fist bump. “I’ll catch

you at practice later.”

“Yeah, I’ll see ya,” I nod. “And don’t

worry, I’ll bring my A-game tonight and make sure

I don’t miss.”

“Finally,” Alex smirks and snags his plate

before leaving the small table behind. Leaving me

to sit for lunch alone, which seems to actually be a

nice idea versus the rowdy table on the other side

of the room.

It’s been four hours since lunch. So it’s been

five hours since I’ve seen Lila. I’d like to say I’m

one of those guys who cares enough to let his

girlfriend be her own person. I thought that I was

one of those guys, actually.

I’m not.

She hasn’t been responding to my messages

since I walked her to class this morning. All of

these terrible thoughts start to swarm in my head

without pausing to let me catch my breath or talk

myself down off the cliff I’m suddenly,

metaphorically, standing on.

What if her wrist was hurting her and she

went to the doctors by herself and her phone died?

What if she needs me?

What if she found some sketchy guy selling

milkshakes out of the back of a white van and tried

to buy one?

What if something happened to her?

Usually, I like to think I’m a pretty rational

person. Unfortunately, my overprotectiveness

doesn’t just go away when you’re dating your best

friend. It actually seems to just get worse.

I’m pretty certain that she didn’t meet some

stranger selling milkshakes, but I wouldn’t put it

past her. Even if it’s something that would be highly

unlikely in this town.

There’s a lot of what if ’s floating around in

my head right now. I’m trying to pay attention to

Coach’s parting speech. Something about how well

we’re doing without actually having played a game

since my epic disaster on the field.

Something he conveniently leaves out of his

motivational speech.

As soon as we’re dismissed, I make a break

for the locker room to check my cell phone. This

sudden paranoia makes me think of all the times

Lila would ask me if being ignored by her then-

boyfriend meant something was the matter or if she

was overreacting.

I’d like to say that I told her that something

was the matter, because it was pretty apparent that

it was. But no, I was the schmuck who didn’t want

to let her hopes get crushed and instead was the

jackass who told her she was overreacting.

Definitely not an overreaction.

“Woah, Killian,” Ian says besides me as I

wait impatiently for my phone to boot up. “What’s

the rush?”

“Have you heard from Lila?” I ask.

“Why would I have heard from Lila?” Ian

retorts.

I pause and look up at him, feeling the panic

bleed into my voice when I say, “She’s not

answering me.”

“Calm the hell down. She’s probably just

focused on her art project or something.”

“It got turned in. Her class is peer grading it

for finals. They’re collecting all their pieces for the

year now and redoing one’s they think need to be

improved.”

“Maybe she’s redoing something, then.”

“No,” I shake my head adamantly. “She

swears all of her stuff is perfect by the time she

turns it in.”

“What’s going on?” Alex steps over to us.

“Romeo here is freaking out that Lila isn’t

answering her phone,” Ian says calmly. “And he’s

about to fall off the fucking wagon worrying.”

“She’s probably hanging out with Nina.

Maybe Jackson and her got into it and Lila’s trying

to comfort her. You’re freaking yourself out over

nothing.”

“Jackson!” I holler over toward the large

lineman.

His head pops up and a tight line forms

around his mouth. We’re not exactly best buds, but

if Nina and him got into it, then at least my nerves

would ease knowing that Lila was dealing with her

roommate.

“Are you and Nina okay?” I ask once he

gets closer to my locker.

“We’re fine,” Jackson frowns. “Why?”

“Lila’s not picking up,” I tell him and wave

my phone around. Why isn’t she picking up?

“I wouldn’t either if I were her,” Jackson

answers bluntly.

What the fuck? “Excuse me?” I scowl.

“Nina saw you,” Jackson shrugs. “Seems

like your own bed that you made and have to lie

in.”

“What do you mean Nina saw me? Saw me

what?” I demand.

“At lunch. She saw a group of girls get cozy

with you at lunch,” Jackson states flatly. “Then I

guess one of them came up to Lila or something.

Nina said they saw you.”

“Hold on a minute,” Alex frowns. “He had

lunch with me.”

Jackson just shrugs his massive shoulders.

“That’s all I was told. Something about Lila not

being good enough and Killian stepping out when

he got the girlfriend title settled.”

“Lila thinks I cheated on her the minute

that I got her to finally admit to dating me?” I

scowl. “What kind of logic is that?”

“Apparently one your girlfriend believed

coming from some football groupie,” the lineman

sighs. “Look, it’s not my fight or anything. But

those girls can be vicious. So if it looked bad and

then someone came up to her, it’s not a far stretch

that her mind would jump to that conclusion that

was handed to her.”

“But it’s not true,” I growl.

“So what do you want me to do about it? I

wasn’t there. I was just the one Nina swore your

name up and down the Atlantic ocean to,” Jackson

says.

“I don’t know,” I lean my back against my

locker and shut my eyes. “I don’t know how to

erase my past.”

“Well, I’d start by talking to her. See if

she’ll hear you out,” Ian offers.

“Hell, I’ll go and talk to her if you want,”

Alex says. “I was there.”

“No,” I frown and shake my head. “I’ll

figure this one out on my own. I can’t lose her.”

Not when I just got her. Not when I jumped both

feet over the line in the sand to be with my best

friend.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lila

“You’re lying.” It’s the only thing I can

think of to say.

Nina stares at me, her arms folded in front

of her tightly. “You were there, too.”

“But he’s not a cheater,” I insist.

“Look, I don’t want to think that Killian

would cheat either. But you heard what the tramp

said at the Union.”

“And I’m supposed to believe the word of

some tramp over Killian’s?” I frown.

“Then call him.”

Ah, and herein lies the dilemma. I would

love nothing more than to pick up the phone and

call him like a reasonable person. But whoever

made the assumption that hormonal females can be

reasonable is a bold-faced liar.

“Just call him,” Nina repeats.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I blocked him.”

Nina goes back to staring at me silently for

a few seconds. “You blocked your own boyfriend

on your phone?”

“I needed time to think!”

“And you think blocking him is going to

make him not be able to talk to you?” Nina scoffs

and starts angrily pointing towards our front door.

“He lives four feet from us!”

Yeah, well, like I said, being hormonal

doesn’t make me reasonable.

“Not that I’m a big Killian Blane fan right

now,” Nina adds on in a huff. “But you know damn

well he’s going to come banging on that door in a

heartbeat because you’re not answering him.” She

pauses. “On second thought, let him come. I have a

bone to pick with him.”

“I can’t talk to him right now,” I rub my

hands over my face. “I don’t know what to think.”

“You were literally just telling me that I was

a liar, even though you were standing right next to

me the whole time and saw everything that I saw,”

Nina glares. “So you know exactly what to think

but you don’t want to say it out loud because then

that makes it real.”

“He’s not a cheater.”

“Okay, so maybe whatever fake bitch that

came up to you and told you he was a good lay is

actually lying.”

“It wasn’t just her,” I sigh and flop down

onto the couch. “It was every one of those girls

agreeing with her because they all know Killian.”

“Correction, they only know Killian’s

anatomy.”

“That is not helping.”

“I don’t know whether I want to help or

want to murder him,” Nina sits down next to me.

“I’m all over the place too and I’m not even dating

him.”

“I just knew this was going to happen,” I

groan and stand up again to pace between the

kitchen and living room. “I mean, come on, Nina.

I’m nothing like the girls he hooks up with. And

you remember the barbeque when he just stood

there in front of me with two girls under his arms?

It’s just natural to him at this point.”

“Okay, but you weren’t dating then.”

To someone being logical, that would

probably put them at ease, but not me. “He

admitted that he liked me then. Since before then,

so why would he change who he’s become for me?

I’m the one who barely agreed to be his girlfriend.”

“I don’t think you can barely be someone’s

girlfriend.”

“He doesn’t take me on dates.”

“Since when does Killian know how to

properly date?” Nina points out.

“That’s still not helping his cause.”

“You need to realize that this fantasy guy

you’ve got in your head is never going to live up to

anybody in your life. Do I agree with what that

skank told you? I don’t know. I don’t know Killian

well enough to defend him or not. Because all I

know is what the campus knows about him. And

that doesn’t bode well for him.”

“Should I hear him out?” I ask her quietly.

“Are you ready to hear him out is the real

question,” Nina says while standing up so I'll quit

pacing.

Am I? Part of me feels like if I do it’ll only

confirm the fears that I had about him. Fears that so

many of his sex buddies thought to tell me earlier

today.

You’re not his type. I don’t know why he’d

date you. You aren’t even that pretty.

He’s only dating her to see how far she’ll

go. Must be a challenge from the team.

That’s the only way he’d be with someone

like you.

Over half of the female population has

slept with him, why do you think you’re so special?

You’re not.

It’s like a bad rerun stuck on repeat in my

head. Going over and over again all the things they

said to me.

This was the reason that I didn’t want to

date anyone. This was the reason that I told Killian

I could never go out with a manwhore. A practical

manwhore celebrity on campus is who I ended up

with, too. I can practically taste the irony now.

“I don't think I'm ready to hear him out,” I

frown. “Not until I can think straight that is.”

“Okay, that's fine. Because I'm pissed at

him too for letting that gaggle of girls rush you

when we got there to eat. But just so you know,”

Nina goes back to jamming her finger in the

direction of the front door, “four feet.”

“I know he lives four feet from us!”

“Well don't be surprised if he bangs on that

door demanding to talk to you.”

“He doesn't even know I'm upset right

now.”

Nina bites her lip and glances away from

me.

“What did you do?” I demand.

“Uh, I kind of told Jackson.”

“You told your boyfriend?” I gape.

“Hey! We don't keep secrets from each

other! Well, you know, unless I don't tell him

something, then otherwise we don't keep secrets

from each other.”

I stare at her. “He probably told Killian.”

“I wouldn't say that would be unlikely,” she

winces. “But in my defense, you blocked him on

your phone. That ought to be enough for him to

panic all on his own.”

“But he doesn't know I blocked him! He

just knows what Jackson told him!” I groan. I

unblock Killian’s number and wait a few seconds

before my phone starts to buzz like crazy from

missed calls and texts.

“Jeez,” Nina says.

All of a sudden my phone starts to ring with

Killian’s picture flashing across the screen. “Ah!” I

yelp and toss my phone to Nina like we're playing

hot-potato.

“I don't want it!” she says and tosses it back

to me.

“Neither do I!”

“It's your phone!” Nina says after I toss it

back to her. Instead of tossing it back to me,

however, she opens the fridge and closes the door

on it. “There,” she says calmly.

“What did that do?” I huff.

“We can't hear it. Out of sight, out of mind,

right?”

We both turn to stare at the closed fridge

door with a slight buzzing noise coming from inside.

Nina looks back at me. “So, that went

well.”

“Maybe I should talk to him.”

“You just said you didn't want to.”

I wince. “I don't. I mean I do, but what if he

tells me that everything that girl said was true? Or

what if he tells me he's not sure about this whole

dating thing. Or what if I'm wrong and he's not

cheated or wanting to and then he doesn't want to

be with me because I'm overreacting.”

Nina blinks at me for several long minutes.

“You're head is just too full of nonsense right now.

You need a chill pill to calm the hell down and

think for yourself.”

“Okay.” I shift from side to side. “Maybe I

should go to the library. It's a quiet place. I can take

my sketchbook and draw something.”

“See? That'll probably do you good,” she

agrees.

I glance back towards where my phone is

at. “Should I take it out?”

“I wouldn't if I were you. You're liable to go

off or cry if you talk to him right now. Possibly

murder as well. So, no.”

Neither of us say anything as the phone

quiets from within the refrigerator. After several

seconds of silence, I sigh. “I think he gave up.”

“Lila Summers!” I hear from the other side

of the front door, right before the banging of a fist

happens. “Open up!”

“Four feet,” Nina hisses in a whisper.

“I can't leave now!” I whisper back. “What

do I do?”

“Nobody's home!” Nina yells to our door.

“How is that supposed to make him think

nobody is home?” I demand quietly.

“Open the fucking door right now!” Killian

yells.

“Not if you're going to sound all angry!”

Nina yells back to him. “Quick, go out the window

while he's distracted,” she hisses to me.

“The window?” I stare in disbelief at her.

“You're kidding me, right?”

The banging on the door continues in the

background.

“You hear that?” Nina points towards where

the very angry man is on the other side of our front

door. “That is not kidding. So either talk to him, or

out the window you go.”

“You can't be serious.”

“Lila!” Killian yells again for the third time.

Okay, so maybe she's serious. I huff as I

make my way towards my bedroom. Am I seriously

about to open my window and climb out? I live on

the ground floor, but still.

I'm probably going to regret this.

I unlatch my window and shove it open.

Since the apartment complex is housed to mostly

students, it's not uncommon that over half the

windows in the building are missing screens for one

reason or another.

In fact, I happen to know that two doors

down they purposely knocked out the screen to

puke their booze infused guts up at night so they

didn't have to clean themselves up in the morning.

Something should really be said about all

the alcoholics that tend to come out of college. But

nothing that can really be done about it, either.

After I grab my sketchbook, I duck my way

through the three-foot drop into the grass, I shove

my window back down and glance towards where I

know just around the corner, Killian is beating on

the door like a madman.

Unfortunately for me, Alex is standing far

back on the sidewalk, staring at me then glancing at

Killian. I press my finger to my lips in hopes that

Alex doesn't out me for climbing out the window.

There's definitely no way I'm going to be

able to outrun a football player, especially if he's on

a mission. And the target is me.

I take off on the fastest tiptoeing sprint that

I can manage until I'm safely across the street and

power walking similar to old ladies who do this in

track suits after church on Sunday’s.

Yep. That's currently me as I rush through

the doors of the library and up onto the third floor,

also known as the silent floor.

Maybe I'll get some peace and quiet and

sketch the nerves and anxiety out of my system. I

drop down into an empty desk in the far corner of

the room, hidden by a multitude of large

bookshelves.

Flipping open to a clean page, I poise my

pencil and then sit and stare at the paper.

Dammit.

I've got no idea what to draw. Nothing at all

comes to mind as I tap the pencil on the paper. I dig

the end of the pencil into my splint and scratch an

itch that's formed on the center of my palm.

“You're not supposed to do that, that's bad

for you,” a voice behind me says.

I jump nearly four feet in the air.

Okay, maybe it was like two inches, but

still.

“You scared me,” I whisper-hiss.

Ian flops down into the seat across from me

and drops his textbook with a notebook shoved in

the middle of it onto my sketchbook.

“What are you doing here? Does Killian

know I'm here?”

“Does your boyfriend know you're hiding in

a library wasting time doing nothing instead of

talking to him? No, no he does not.” Ian settles

back in his seat and folds his arms over his chest.

“Shouldn't you be talking to him?”

“Does everyone know I'm not talking to

him?” I frown.

“When you don't pick up your phone all

day, then yeah, everyone knows.” Ian arches an

eyebrow at me. “So text him you're here.”

“I can't.”

He blows out an aggravated breath. “Why

not? He's been going crazy all day.”

“I don't have my phone on me.”

Ian blinks at me. “Where's your phone?”

I mumble, “In the fridge.”

“What?” he asks as he continues to stare.

“It's in the fridge,” I repeat. “Next to Nina’s

leftover burrito, I think.”

He continues to stare at me. “You're

joking.”

I decide to tell him the truth by adding, “I

also climbed out of my window to get here because

he was banging on the front door.”

“You're kidding.” Ian squints his eyes at me

before they widen in horror. “Shit, you're not

kidding. What the hell, Lila?”

“I don't know what's going on!” I defend.

“Those girls,” I shake my head, “and then he had

this girl all over him and he didn't do anything.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw him,” I say in frustration. “Nina and

I went to the Union to grab lunch together and

Killian was there, with this girl practically crawling

into his lap and all her little friends. Then the girls

get up and that girl comes up to me to tell me how

great of a lay Killian is and all her little friends start

making these smartass remarks about how I'm not

his type or serious or anything to him.”

Ian sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

“I'm not like you guys,” I say sadly. “I don't

know how to be in the spotlight of his life. I don't

know how to deal with all these girls saying these

things to me. It's why I didn't want to date him date

him until I was sure.”

“And now you're not sure?”

“Now, I don't know. I can hear all their

voices in my head and it's making me doubt

everything.”

“And you thought climbing out a window

was the logical response to all of it? Instead of

talking to Killian?”

I'm quiet for a while before I sum up the

nerve to say, “What if he thinks that, too?”

“He doesn't.”

“But what if he does?”

“Lila,” Ian says irritably, “he wouldn't be at

your door worried about you.”

He's right, I know he probably is, but there's

still that little piece of fear that I just can't shake.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Killian

“Where the hell is she?” I demand again.

Nina blinks her wide green eyes at me in

innocence. “I don't know.”

I rub my hands over my face again and look

around the sparse living room. Lila is nowhere to be

seen. And it's too quiet to think she might be hiding.

She's was the absolute worst at playing hide-and-

seek when we were kids.

“She's not here,” Nina repeats. And even

though I've been standing here for the past ten

minutes wanting to know where the hell Lila is,

Nina is probably telling the truth since Lila would

have given in by now to talk to me.

“Uh,” Alex knocks on the open door behind

me. He followed me from the locker room, refusing

to let me go alone to see Lila so that way she would

get the whole story from both points of view.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“I'm not sure if I'm seeing things or if Lila

literally just climbed out of her bedroom window,”

Alex says calmly.

I turn to glare at Nina in accusation.

She lifts her chin in the air. “I have no idea

what he's talking about.”

“What do you mean you saw her climb out

her bedroom window?” I ask.

“Like, out she came with some big

notebook in her hand and then she ran like her ass

was on fire,” Alex explains. He points towards the

direction of campus.

“Nina!” I turn around and glare at her

again. “Where did she go?”

“Why would I tell you that?” Nina scowls.

“She needs to clear her head. She was boiling down

to a panic attack and you banging on the door like a

caveman wasn't helping matters.”

“I need to explain,” I insist.

“Explain what? You had some girl draped

all over you? Yeah, we were there, we saw. And

then the nerve of that bitch to say what she did to

Lila,” Nina rants and starts walking towards the

kitchen in a huff to open and slam cabinets at

random.

“It wasn't like that,” I say in frustration.

“She came over to our table. Where I sat down to

talk to Alex. Her and her little group just dragged

chairs and joined us.”

“At our two person table,” Alex

emphasizes. “Killian just came to talk to me. That's

it, I swear.”

“Then why was she crawling all over you?”

Nina demands. “She was just pawing and groping

you in public.”

“I wasn't being groped,” I roll my eyes.

“You're exaggerating.”

“Oh, yeah,” Nina huffs in a sarcastic voice,

“I'm exaggerating so much that your girlfriend

didn't actually believe what those girls said and had

a freak out. Yeah, completely exaggerating the

whole situation.”

“This whole thing is being blown way out of

proportion,” I say. “Where is Lila?”

Nina glares at me defiantly.

God save me from stubborn women.

Before I can say anything, Alex speaks.

“Lila is at the library with Ian. He just texted

wanting to know if I was with you and if you knew

your girl is going crazy.”

“She's at the library with Ian?” I repeat like

I'm not sure if I heard him correctly.

Alex nods his head. “That's what I just

said.”

“That's good,” I sigh in relief. “You,” I point

at Nina, “are no help at all.”

“Because I want to protect my friend who

has shitty taste in guys? Because she goes from

elementary school playboy's to dating campus's

number one manwhore? Which is pretty much what

those girls strongly implied at the Union. So why

wouldn't I help her and not you?” Nina growls.

“Because I haven't slept with anyone in two

months, contrary to popular belief. Maybe because

I actually care about Lila on some deeper level than

a one night stand? Does nobody think that I'm

boyfriend material? Because that's what this is

starting to sound like!” I huff loudly. Trying not to

raise my voice in a yell is becoming harder and

harder the more time that passes that Lila’s not

next to me.

“It's hard when I've known you one way for

so long and then suddenly there's this thing between

you two and it's not defined or talked about,” she

shrugs.

“But I tried to talk to her about this,” I

frown.

“About all the girls and what to do when

one approaches her? About how you care about her

and only her and she's different and why?” Nina

folds her arms across her chest. “Or did you wear

her down into dating you so you felt better and

forgot to make sure she knew where you stood with

all those other girls of your not-so-very-far-off

past?”

Okay, so I might have not completely

thought everything out like I had assumed.

“I'm guessing option two is what's making

you look like you're choking on a lemon right now,”

Nina sighs. “You're overprotective of her. You

defend her. You make sure all those asshat exes of

hers know they messed up and are going to miss out

on how amazing she is. But they always have her

paying the price for their own stupidity. You were

supposed to be better than them.”

“I am,” I defend.

“And how is that going for you right now?”

she scoffs.

It’s going pretty shitty, actually. The fact my

girlfriend climbed out a fucking window to get

away from me pretty much sums up how disastrous

this whole thing has become.

“Do you want to be with her? Like in the

long run, because she’s going to need some heavy

convincing if you want to go that route,” Nina says.

“So you might want to give her time to think and

then come up with a way to keep her before you

wind up breaking her heart like you were so

worried she would do to you.”

I nod my head because I don’t have

anything that I can say to that. She’s right. Girls are

always right; you’d think I would have learned that

being around them so often, but I hadn’t. I messed

up. And I messed up with my best friend, of all

people.

“Alright, let’s go,” I say to Alex as I make

my way towards the front door.

“Where are we going?” Alex asks. “Ian’s

still with Lila.”

“That’s better than her being by herself,” I

scrub a hand over my mouth. “I need a drink.”

“Is that really the smart move right now?”

Alex asks me sternly.

“Probably not, but it’s the only thing I want

to do right now. I don’t have any focus to do

anything else as a distraction.”

“Just don’t get sloppy drunk.”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Yes, you are,” Alex points at me. “Which

is why if you want to drink, you’re going to do it

away from any females that could sniff out how

your relationship is going and try and make it

worse.”

“Thanks.”

“Your life, man. I’m just here to keep you

upright from the blows currently happening.”

Thank God for friends like him.

“This is lame,” Gage says from across the

room from me. “I’m not even sure if lame is the

right word to describe how lame this is.” He blinks

at me. “What’s another word for lame?”

“I don’t know,” I sigh.

We’re both sitting in the living room of the

football fraternity house. There are beer bottles

scattered around the coffee table that’s separating

us. Alex is in the kitchen making burgers since

Gage agreed to drink with me and keep me

company.

“How come you’re the only one here?” I

ask Gage.

“Because homeboy,” Gage grunts and

thrusts his middle finger towards Alex, “over there,

told everyone to get out and that no girls were

allowed over today until you settled this thing with

Lila.”

“Captain makes the rules,” Alex says

smugly and flips Gage off as well.

“You don’t even live here!” Gage huffs.

That makes me laugh. We basically used the

football house as a meeting ground, and even

though the upperclassman tended to move out, we

still pulled rank on all the people who actually do

live here.

“So what? Everyone left didn’t they?

Obviously I’m far more powerful than you think,”

Alex continues. “Either shut up and get fed or

leave.”

“But I live here,” Gage grumbles.

“Still don’t care,” Alex responds in a sing-

song voice.

“Do you think Lila will answer her phone if

I text her now?” I ask both of them.

Gage screws up his face. “That’s awfully a

chick move isn’t it? To text them and be all

clingy?”

“You go find a girl you’re head over ass for

and then tell me if I’m being clingy,” I frown.

“You can’t text her,” Alex says as he comes

into the living room with plates full of food. “And

before you get pissed off at me for saying that, it’s

not that you shouldn’t. It’s that Ian said she left her

phone in the apartment.”

Gage quickly shoves half a burger into his

mouth and hums appreciatively.

“She left her phone behind?” I frown.

But what happens if she needs me and

doesn’t have her phone to call me?

Another image of a sketchy white van

selling milkshakes to strangers flashes through my

mind. Dear God, I’m going crazy.

“Yeah,” Alex chuckles and sits down next

to me. “Ian said she says it's in the fridge. I thought

his phone autocorrected on him, but he said she

literally put her phone inside the refrigerator.”

Now that sounds like something completely

out of the ordinary that Lila would do if she was

stressed.

“He's got the look again,” Alex sighs

heavily while eyeballing Gage.

“What look?” Gage asks, staring at me.

I shrug my shoulders.

“Not you,” Alex says before pointing to me.

“You.”

I frown. “What look so I have on my face?”

“You're I'm going completely off the deep

end face that Ian likes to point out,” Alex shakes

his head. “Go on, what crazy thing is going on

inside your head now?”

“What happened the last time he got that

look?” Gage asks.

“He wanted to ask Lila out,” Alex answers

bluntly.

“But,” Gage pauses and scratches his head,

“they're going out now.”

“Now being the operative word,” Alex says.

“You realize I'm sitting right here, don't

you? I can explain my own situation,” I scowl.

“How's that situation going for you?” Alex

asks flatly.

I shift in my seat and take a long pull of my

beer before answering. “Okay, my situation sucks

right now. But I'm going to fix it.”

“Have you come up with another plan?”

Alex wonders.

“You're going to just tell her what's what,

aren't you?” Gage guesses. “Girls don't really like

that, though. You have to be direct, but keep it

simple and to the point or else all these other

insecurities start popping up and then you're just

going ‘round and ‘round on trying to fix what's

wrong.”

Alex scratches his head while staring at

Gage. “I can't believe I'm going to say this, but he's

right. You better have a plan beyond just telling Lila

that it was a misunderstanding. She's not been

around the groupies, so she's not exactly fluent in

girl bullshit.”

What girl wanted to be fluent in girl

bullshit? None that I could think of. “Okay, so I

explain what she saw wasn't really what was going

down. Then tell her how hostile football groupies

are?”

“That could work,” Gage shrugs his

shoulders. “Starting place, at least.”

“But let her know it will probably happen

again so you've got to add in something to reassure

her that you're serious,” Alex adds.

Gage snaps his fingers with an ah-ha look

on his face. “Tell her you love her.”

“Do not do that!” Alex yells. “Seriously,

bro. Don't do that. Anything but that.”

“Hey,” Gage scowls. “Girls love all that

feelings crap.”

“But you don't just tell a girl that you love

her if you're not in love with her or not sure,” Alex

frowns. “Easiest way to blow up a good thing is to

be an idiot and say I love you like it's a cheap thing

to say.”

“Lila and I haven't even been dating a

month,” I remind them both.

Alex shakes his head with a look that all but

verbally says you poor, dumb schmuck. “Pre-

relationship, did you love Lila?”

“Of course I do, she's my best friend,” I say

immediately.

“Okay, but loving her post-friendship is

completely different,” Alex explains. “Like you

would physically fall apart if you could at the

thought of losing her. Like she's everything to you.”

“More important than football,” Gage

chimes in.

“You can't add to what I'm saying when I'm

trying to explain why what you said in the

beginning was a dumb idea,” Alex growls.

“So, I love Lila, then,” I say and pause with

the beer bottle almost to my lips. “Because she's

always been more important than football.”

“And football is life,” Gage adds cheekily.

“You can't just say you love Lila. Did you

even hear a word that I just said?” Alex demands.

“I did,” I nod my head. A calm settles

against me for the first time since this morning.

“But what you're saying I should feel post-

friendship is exactly how I feel. Do I want to be

sitting on this couch, eating a burger, and shooting

the shit on a Thursday night for the hell of it

because my girl needs space? No. I want to be

where she is. I always want to be where she is.”

“So it's settled,” Gage smugly replies.

“Killian loves Lila.”

“If that's how you feel, man, then that's

great. Congratulations. Just don't go up to her and

blurt it out like some asswipe using it as an excuse,

because you can't take it back once you say it to

her,” Alex sighs.

“I know that,” I state firmly.

“Have you ever told a girl you were dating

that you were in love with them?” Alex asks.

“Honest answer? No. Lila’s the only girl I'm

not related to that I've ever said it to,” I shrug.

“It'll change everything,” Alex presses his

lips together. “It's not the easy way out to say it.

And it hurts like hell if it ever stops being true.”

I couldn't imagine a time that it would never

not be true to tell her. But I can see from the look

of pain on Alex’s face it's not really me he's saying

this for, but himself.

“You okay, dude?” I ask and set the bottle

and plate down on the coffee table.

Alex stares blankly out towards the kitchen

before physically shaking himself out of whatever

memory took a hold of him. “Yeah, I'm fine.”

“So,” Gage coughs to drag out attention

over to him. “What's the plan?”

The plan. On that note, I needed to

seriously think on how to go about this.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Lila

I blow out a breath and watch the cool air

transform the heat from my mouth into something

like smoke.

Opening up the door to Fine Arts, I make

my way inside to get to my medieval art history

lecture. It's easy to keep up with if you know your

history. Lots of Christianity thrown around in

different forms of art to help differentiate between

the time periods.

Here's a hint: the halos are different on the

angels.

I snag an empty seat for the eight o’clock

class. I'm off to the side near the doors, sitting back

in the third row. Far enough away that if my mind

begins to drift that it still looks as though I'm

studying the slideshow on the giant screen.

A class of almost ninety students seems a bit

overkill, but with finals just a few weeks away,

everyone who didn't come to class in the beginning

of the semester is now packing the seats.

My professor walks in, all one hundred

pounds of her, with her slacks tucked into her

UGGs and a trench coat wrapped firmly around her

slim body.

Yep, the bitter fall air finally caught up to

us. One week it's so hot you think you're melting

and within two weeks you're breaking out all the

thermal underwear you can to keep warm.

“Good morning, class,” she begins.

“Good morning, Donna,” a chorus of us

echo back in mumbles.

The door to the room opens and shuts

another handful of times as the rest of the students

trickle in at the last minute.

Nothing like upcoming finals week, or as we

as a collective student body refer to it as Hell

Week, to bring the entire class together once again

since midterms.

People shuffle to pull out their laptops to

take notes or the old fashion pen and paper method.

Personally, I like to use my notebook. I've learned

that I get distracted by solitaire far too often if I try

and take notes on my laptop.

“Excuse me,” a deep voice says.

Several desks screech as they part and I

look up to see why people are frantically moving

their belongings.

Killian’s tall frame only increases as he

towers over those sitting down. He's holding a

brown paper bag in one hand and a to-go cup from

the campus coffee shop in the other.

My breath stalls in the back of my throat as

he stops by the side of my desk.

What is he doing here?

I haven't seen or talked to him since

yesterday morning. Ian told me it was probably best

if I cooled down before trying to talk to Killian.

Something about having my head on straight to

hear him out or something along that line.

“Figured you'd be hungry this morning,”

Killian says like there's absolutely nothing spiraling

out of control between us. “So there's a blueberry

muffin in the bag and then I got you a hot chocolate

with no whip cream because I know you don't like

it.” He pauses for a moment. “Maybe if they had

marshmallow fluff then you would get that. I didn't

think to ask if they have that.” He wrinkles his

brow. “Does the café even carry marshmallow

fluff?”

“Uh, no,” I finally manage to squeak out. “I

don't think so.”

“Maybe I'll get you a jar after class,” he

says thoughtfully.

“Um, Killian,” I lower my voice. “We need

to have a talk.”

“Can't right now. You've got class and I've

got to run,” he shrugs before bending down and

giving me a quick kiss that only results in leaving

me speechless. “See you later, baby doll.”

And with that, he's out the door before I can

even fully comprehend what just happened. But

there's a bag with a muffin inside sitting on my

notebook and a cup of hot chocolate in the corner

of my desk.

“That's so cute that your boyfriend brings

you breakfast,” a girl behind me coos. “I wish

someone would bring me breakfast.”

I don't turn around or acknowledge her

comment, but several people hum in agreement

with her.

“Wait,” another voice raises, “Killian Blane

is your boyfriend? Holy shit.”

I slink down in my seat.

“No way!” someone else gasps. “Damn, I

didn't know he was taken.”

“But did you see the way he just walked in

here and brought her a muffin?” a third girl sighs

dreamily. “That's so awesome. She's so lucky.”

“And he knew how she likes her drink, my

boyfriend can't even remember the name of my

favorite drink,” another huffs.

“Can we switch boyfriends?” someone

throws out there.

Goodness grief. At least no one is being

snarky, but this is by far the most people have seen

us in public together. And he wasn’t even in here

but for maybe two minutes tops and now there’s all

this hoopla.

My phone goes off in my pocket so I pull it

out to read the text message. It’s from Nina and not

Killian, though.

Nina: OMG Killian brought you breakfast??

Attached is a picture of the back of my

head and Killian placing the breakfast he brought

me down on my desk.

You’ve got to be kidding me, I think. People

really need to get a life.

And the fact that now Nina knows, it’s

probably a good bet that the majority of campus

knows. There goes my nice little safety net of not

being in the spotlight next to Killian. I tuck my

phone away without replying to her. I’m not even

sure what I could say to that.

“Psst,” the girl sitting in the seat next to me

leans over. “Hi.”

“Uh,” I hesitate, “hello.”

“Do you know how that was?”

I stare at her. She’s kidding me, right? I

blink a few times to see if the amazement on her

face will go away. It doesn’t.

“That was Killian Blane from the Hanson

Hurricanes,” she keeps going. “He’s one of the best

players on the football team. I can’t believe you’re

dating him. He’s so larger than life. I mean,

seriously, the guy is huge in person.”

“Mm-hmm,” I nod my head.

“How long have you known him?”

“Since we were little,” I sigh since clearly

this isn’t going to stop anytime soon. Forget the fact

that the professor has started class and that

practically no one is paying attention anymore.

“We grew up together.”

“So you knew about his reputation,” she

bobs her head and lowers her voice. “I’ve heard

he’s really good in bed.”

I’m tempted to say his cuddle skills are top

level, but that’s not what she’s referring to. And I

know it’s not, because Killian’s known for two

things: football and sex.

“So is it serious?”

“I guess so.”

“You’re so lucky,” she sighs dreamily and

leans back in her seat. “I wish I was that lucky.”

Well, that lucky feeling she’s going on and

on about is turning my stomach into knots. I have

no idea what to do with all the whispering going on

around me. So I slide down even further in my seat

and try my best to focus on the professor and her

lecture for the final.

“You’re being weird,” Nina says as she

meets me on the sidewalk to go to the Union for

lunch together.

“How am I being weird?” I ask.

“Well, for one, you didn’t even look at me.

You still haven’t. You just keep staring straight

ahead.”

I sigh and turn to glance at her. “People are

watching me.”

She balks. “What are you talking about?”

“Look around,” I whisper and go back to

facing forward. “There’s tons of people looking at

us.” At first, I thought it was all going to my head.

But then a few girls would wave and I realized that

I was the only thing in their sights. Goodness.

Nina does an obnoxiously slow perusal of

our surroundings. “Okay,” she relents after a

moment, “people are being creepy and staring at

you.”

“I told you!”

“Just hold your head high and pretend you

have absolutely no idea what’s going on.”

“That’s what I’m doing,” I deadpan. “What

else am I supposed to do? Run around flipping

everyone off that’s freaking me the hell out with all

the staring? That would just cause more of a

scene.”

Nina bends over at the waist as she shakes

with laughter. “That’s a good one, Lila. I bet some

of them would turn away if you flipped them off,

though.”

“Not enough of them.”

“So,” she says in a cheerful voice, “beyond

the creepers. How was your breakfast.”

I roll my eyes at her. “It was fine.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“I told him we needed to talk.”

Nina gapes at me. “Those are the words of

death! Please tell me you didn’t say it like that.”

I stare at her in bewilderment. “Of course I

did, because we need to talk. How does that make

it sound like words of death? No one is dying.”

“It makes it sound like your relationship is

dying.”

“You’re being dramatic,” I roll my eyes. “It

does not sound like that.”

“It does, too.”

“No, it really doesn’t.” I yank on the door

handle to the Union and hold it open for her to go

through first.

“Thanks.” She leans her head around the

wall to where the seating for the Union is at. “Fine,

then go ask him.”

“Ask who what?” I sigh and lean around the

corner to see that there’s practically no tables to sit

down and have lunch at.

“Your boyfriend.”

Looking around again, it takes me a

moment to spot the table in the thick crowd of

people. They’re sitting in the far back corner of the

room, two giant circular tables shoved next to each

other to accommodate as many of them as they can

fit.

“Come on, let’s grab food and join them,”

Nina says.

“What if he doesn’t want us to join him?” I

ask.

Nina glares at me. “You left the apartment

this morning feeling better about this whole thing.

What happened? Did something else happen after

he brought you breakfast? Did more skanky girls

come up to you?”

“No,” I sigh. “But after everything that’s

happened over the past twenty-four hours, do you

really think Killian would want to eat lunch with

me?”

“Um, hello Debbie Downer, he brought you

breakfast this morning. Clearly he thinks you two

can patch up this unnecessary, but kind of

necessary, fight that stemmed from those bitches,”

Nina says strongly. “So, we can do this the easy

way or the hard way.”

I’m almost afraid to ask, but I’m curious

about what she’s talking about. “Do what exactly

the easy way or the hard way?”

Nina huffs, “Fine, we’ll do this the hard

way.”

I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking

about. She’s basically speaking a foreign language

to me right now. Nina grips my wrist in her hand

tightly, and then starts to drag me across the seating

area at a quick pace.

I clutch my hurt hand to my chest and glare

at her as we come to a stop next to the football

table. A few of the players nudge each other and

two empty chairs magically appear for us to sit

down in.

“You do realize that my splint doesn’t come

off until next week, right?” I continue to glare at

her.

“But did you hurt it on the way over here?”

Nina smiles sweetly.

“No,” I frown. “Because I pulled it close.”

“So then you can’t be upset with me,

because your hand is okay.”

“That is not how that works,” I huff. “And

we didn’t grab any food.”

“Here,” someone shoves a plate of chicken

nuggets and French fries in front of me.

“Up,” a familiar voice says and the guy who

offered me his food is suddenly hurrying out of his

seat.

I’m about to say something when Killian

drops down next to me and I realize the football

player he dislodged is now taking a seat between

Alex and Ian, who bother tower over the poor guy.

“How was class?” Killian asks, dropping his

arm behind my chair.

“Oh, you’ve gone viral all over campus,”

Nina interjects into our conversation. “Everyone’s

been talking about how you brought Lila breakfast

this morning.”

“They are?” Killian looks shameless as he

smiles. “Good.”

Good, he says like he’s some overprotective

caveman. He’s definitely still got that whole

excessive protectiveness thing down to a T. I should

have known that him becoming my boyfriend

would only make it worse.

“You're apparently ‘Boyfriend of the Year’

now,” Nina adds.

I give her a look that she completely

ignores.

“What?” she says defensively. “There was a

poll about it on Facebook earlier and he won.”

I shove a French fry in my mouth and pray

for this conversation to be over.

“I have a poll on Facebook?” Killian

chuckles.

“Yeah!” Alex hollers from down the table.

“I voted for you.”

“Me too!” Ian nods his head.

“You are all ridiculous,” I tell them.

“But you know you agree,” Killian teases.

“I'm the best boyfriend ever, in the history of ever.”

I don't know if it's from how this whole day

began, or if it's his use of a trying to make me

laugh, but he succeeds and I forget the dulling ache

that had come about from yesterday's Union

scandal.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Killian

I have a plan.

Albeit, a pretty shitty plan. The whole goal

is to show Lila that she means something to me in a

public, but semi-subtle way, so that she knew what

happened at the Union yesterday wasn't true.

She also said we needed to talk.

Which is a huge red flag if I ever saw one.

Normally it would be me saying that to some chick

who read too much into what we were doing. I can

definitely say that I feel like a prick now, because

being on the other side of those words is gutting

me.

I unlock the apartment door and let her

enter first. She drops her stuff at the end of the

couch and flops down, careful of her sprained

hand. As cautiously as I can, I sit down next to her.

She gives me a funny look before saying,

“You're acting like I'm a feral cat about to tear your

apartment to shreds. What gives?”

Okay, maybe I am giving off that vibe. “You

said this morning we needed to talk. I guess I'm just

steeling myself for whatever happens.”

Lila, once again, gives me a funny look.

“Wow, okay, Nina was right.”

Nothing is ever good if the phrase Nina was

right comes out of anybody's mouth. “She's not,” I

say quickly. “I mean, I know you were with her

when you saw those girls, but I swear nothing

happened. Alex and I were trying to have a heart-

to-heart after my fuck up last weekend when those

girls came over. I have no idea what they said to

you, but I guarantee you that it's false. And Alex

will tell you the same thing if you don't believe me

and want to ask him.”

“I meant that Nina was right when people

take the whole we need to talk phrase and think the

worst,” she explains. “The other stuff, it was just

blindsiding. No one's ever approached me like that

before. Or said anything like that to me. It hurt.”

“I know,” I blow out an aggravated breath.

“And honestly? I probably would have flipped out

and jumped to conclusions and climbed out my

bedroom window if the roles were reversed.” I

pause. “Actually, I don't think I'd fit my shoulders

out the window, so I probably wouldn't climb out

it.”

“Okay, that was a little ridiculous,” Lila

agrees. “A little too much, but in my defense, it was

Nina’s idea.”

Of course it was. Lila probably would have

tried to hide under the covers on her bed until I

stopped beating on the door.

“And then Ian found me. And made me

think about it some more without freaking myself

out about it.”

Thank God for Ian. Always, always take his

advice.

“And I wanted to apologize for climbing out

the window and leaving my phone in the fridge, but

I can’t be sorry about thinking what I did. It’s

something that I’ve always questioned about this.”

“That's fine,” I sigh. “I probably shouldn't

have pushed it on you so much. Or at least should

have told you how I feel.”

Lila eyeballs me. “How you feel?”

I run my hand through my hair. “Obviously,

I like you. I wouldn't want to be with you if I didn't

like you. But you're also the only girl that could

make me think that a relationship is for me. I've

never had that gut feeling about anyone else. And I

doubt I ever will. And it sucks that you can't see

that to know that whatever those girls told you is a

lie.”

Lila chomps down on her bottom lip and

rolls it between her teeth before letting it pop back

out. “I just freaked out.”

“Which is fine, but the least you could have

done was let me explain myself.”

“So you could tell me it's true? Or talk me

down off the ledge of fear? What if it was true? I

didn't want to know that.”

“Lila,” I try and interrupt her, but she keeps

barreling full-steam ahead.

“And then if it wasn't, I was the crazy girl

who climbed out of her window to escape her non-

crazy boyfriend. So it's a lose-lose situation on my

end. Well, it's not, but it seemed that way at the

time.”

“Are you finished?” I ask her calmly.

“Not yet.”

I bite back a grin at her stern words. Here I

am trying to put her at ease and reassure her she's

the only one I want, and she's trying to do some

form of an apology it seems.

“Anyways, I calmed down. And I believe

you that those girls were just trying to start drama

and that you didn't want that one girl all over you.

So no, I don't need to talk to Alex.”

I wait a beat, but she doesn't say anything

else. “Okay, now can I talk?”

“Sure.”

I pull in a deep breath, trying to figure out a

way to best phrase this. Somehow all the words I

thought about saying last night just slip from my

mind as I look at her.

She's so kind to others, even without

knowing them. She gives them the benefit of the

doubt, even if it tends to backfire on her more often

than not. It's just her way of viewing the world that

seems to pull me in. That happiness and yet the fear

that keeps her rooted in place, that fear that

someone like me, someone she's seen flit from one

girl to the next in no time, could somehow take a

second glance to someone that's been there all

along.

And that's solely my fault. She should have

known it from the beginning that this wasn't just

some idea of a fling. That I wasn't just trying to gain

her as a girlfriend just to shove it in her face. I've

always been upfront with all the girls beforehand.

And there's never been a problem until I realized

just how much I want Lila.

“You can't ask to speak and then not speak,

Killian!” Lila huffs.

I crack a grin. “I got distracted.”

“By what? You're just staring at me.”

“Exactly.”

Lila’s whole face goes red and then she

looks away from me. Why she's embarrassed I'll

never understand.

“You're amazing,” I tell her finally, “for

putting up with my bullshit.”

“What bullshit?”

“The girls,” I explain. “I've never been

serious with them. Always made it a point that it

wouldn't be serious when we hooked up. I mean,

that's exactly what I wanted. And then everything

changed.”

Lila frowns a little at me. “I changed you?”

“Not really. Well, okay, kind of. But not

how you're thinking. I guess I got my wake up call

after Jared forgot to dump you. And it pissed me

off how the guy's you date treat you. And then

when you wanted to be like me, that's when it hit

home. That I liked you. That I didn't think anyone

would be good enough for you.”

“Even you.”

I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah, even

me.” I remember telling her almost exactly that the

day we had the backyard cook out. That she

needed to be sent to her own little island so I could

keep a piece of my sanity in check.

Turns out that wasn't going to work. She

could drive me insane being on the opposite side of

the world. And I doubt she'd even be sorry if she

heard she'd drove me crazy.

“But I want to change that. I'm pretty sure

I'm the only one good enough for you. Duh.” I lean

back and give her an ornery grin. “I mean, after all,

who else do you know that stops pre-sex to go

make sure his favorite girl is okay and then takes

her out to buy her a milkshake?”

“Oh my God,” Lila laughs. “I'm never going

to live that down. You're the greatest best friend

anyone could ask for.”

“And boyfriend wise?” I ask. I steel my

shoulders, ready for one of two things to happen:

she tells me that it's too much being with Mr.

Popularity or that I'm actually a fantastic boyfriend.

“You have your moments.”

“Way to kill my ego, baby doll.”

“So, we're good?” Lila asks and runs her

non-injured hand down her leg. She must have

sweaty palms. Not that I blame her, this

conversation could have easily turned brutal had it

been with anyone else but her.

“I don't know,” I tease and tilt my head

from side to side. “There's just one more thing.”

“I'm not going to run out the door and hop

on top of a table to declare that you're my

boyfriend,” Lila immediately replies. “I can deal

with people staring, or try to at least. But I am not

going to make a fool of myself just to make you

feel better about my insecurity in this.”

I laugh at her serious tone. “Babe, that's

great.” I rub at my eyes in case I start to cry from

how hard my body is shaking in laughter. “But

that's not what I was going to say.”

She gives me her signature get on with it

then look. Something she accomplished back in

sixth grade, if I remember correctly.

“Come to the sportsmanship dinner with

me. It's in a few weeks.”

“Okay,” Lila says slowly.

Crap. She's probably thinking of last year

when I ditched her to bring some random football

groupie. “As a date. My date. So I can show you

off, but to people you basically already know.”

“You want to show me off...to our friends?”

If I'm not mistaken, it's her now that's trying to hold

in laughter.

“Is that so bad?”

“It's an interesting approach seeing as how

they already know me,” she points out.

“So? That's the whole point. They're our

friends. If you're going to care about what anybody

else thinks, then it should be them. Not some

strangers who you should give a rats ass about.”

Lila smirks. “I can see your point, I just

think you’re a dork because of it.”

“A cute dork, right?”

She pats my leg that’s close to her’s and

chuckles. “Sure.”

Well, that was reassuring. “That’s the best

response you can come up with?” I ask.

“Is this where you want me to proclaim my

undying devotion to you? I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware

we were staring in a Rom-Com,” Lila teases and

stretches out on the couch beside me. “Do you

want me to braid your hair next?”

“You’ve been hanging out with Alex and

Ian too much,” I snort. “They’re making your

sarcasm more prominent.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Absolutely not. My friends are your

friends.” I narrow my eyes at her. “When do I get

to meet the hippie art people?”

She rolls her gunmetal eyes. “I don’t hang

out with a lot of people, you know that. I’m a

hermit.”

“That’s true. We’ll have to break you of

that. My girl shouldn’t have to hide in her

apartment so she’s not seen with me.”

“I’m not scared to be seen with you.”

“You’re not?” I ask in surprise. I definitely

thought that those girls would have shut down

Lila’s resolve enough that it would take some

coaxing to get her to go out in public with me.

“I’ll go to your dance. I’ve eaten lunch with

you how many times in these past two months?”

Fair point. She has been tending to come

out more to eat with me. Or to see me at practice. A

bit of pride swells up inside of me. Lila has been

trying in more ways than I actually thought. “You

like me,” I grin broadly.

Another roll of her eyes makes my lips

twitch. “Of course I like you,” she says like it’s the

most obvious thing in the world.

“Enough to still be my girlfriend?”

“Okay.”

“You’re really busting up my ego, baby

doll.”

Lila laughs and says, “I’m sorry. It’s just

today went not how I envisioned. And I know that

it’s my fault, because I’m the one who didn’t talk to

you. So it just feels weird to be okay now.”

“Do you not want to be okay? I can cause a

fight if you want.” I sit up straight and narrow my

eyes at her. “I do not like the way you eat pizza like

a dude.” It’s a total lie, but she pauses long enough

to laugh at me.

“I don’t eat pizza like a guy!”

“You do,” I nod my head. “But it’s actually

pretty cute. You just kind of shove whatever you

can fit into your mouth.”

Lila slaps both hands over her mouth and

speaks behind them, “Are you serious? Why didn’t

you ever tell me that?”

“I just told you. It was cute to me.”

“That’s so terrible, though! Do I do it a

lot?”

“You mean on previous dates? Probably.

But that’s not an excuse for the way those assholes

treated you,” I state firmly. “So don’t even go

there. And no one else has ever said anything

because like I said a minute ago, it’s cute.”

“You’re being awful mushy right now.”

Hell, if she thought this was mushy, she had

absolutely no idea how mushy I could really be.

Just wait until my I love Lila plan goes into effect. I

ignore that thought for the moment, though, and

place my arm around her shoulders and haul her

towards me on the couch. “I’m your boyfriend,

mushy comes with the territory. Now, let’s watch a

movie and I’m picking it. I’ve seen way too many

Disney films for a while.”

Lila laughs against my chest as I pick up the

remote.

Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t lose this.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Lila

I wave my newly freed hand around in the

air and make a few fists. The splint came off a few

hours ago, but it felt so good to be able to wiggle

my fingers without a contraption keeping them

close together.

“Look!” I repeat for probably around the

sixth time since we began our walk to the Union.

“Oh my God, quit doing that!” Nina huffs

back at me. “I swear, someone is going to see you

swinging your fist and think you’re trying to beat

me up for my money.”

“No one is going to think that.”

“Well, they could. But they wouldn’t think

that if you would just stop waving your arm around

all willy-nilly.”

“Oh, you mean like this?” I ask innocently

before proceeding to wave my arm even more

obnoxiously in front of us.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t,” I grin widely.

“Oh look,” Nina rolls her eyes and gestures

before us, “there’s your boyfriend. So go

accidentally punch him instead of me.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not going to

accidentally hit anyone.”

“Slow down, slugger,” Killian smirks.

“You’re liable to knock out someone.”

Nina points to Killian and stomps her foot

on the ground. “I told you!”

“You two are ridiculous,” I sigh heavily and

enter the Union before both of them. “Come on,

feed me. I get to use my hand now!”

I hear Killian snicker behind me. We all

swipe our cards and enter the massive cafeteria.

There’s a few tables that are empty, but since we

came during rush, it’s like overlooking a sea of

people.

The weather fluctuated again, so now

instead of it being freezing cold outside, it’s a nice

fifty-something outside. Gotta love North Carolina

weather. Although, if there’s even a chance of frost

forming on the grass, they tend to cancel school. So

Carolina has that going for them at least.

“Finally,” Alex says loudly as we approach

the table to drop off our bags before going to wait

in line. “We need to go over plays for this

weekends game.”

A chorus of groans goes around the table.

“I’m blaming you for this,” Ian frowns at

Killian. “He was being his usual asshole self and

then you got into his head.”

“You’re welcome,” Killian grins and snags

my hand. “C’mon, let’s feed you before you attack

some unsuspecting freshman for their food.”

I roll my eyes again. “I'm not going to beat

anybody up!”

Of course my life can't be that easy, though.

Because the second we round the corner to where

all the food stations are, we come face to face with

Brad who has tape over his nose and a black eye

that doesn't look to be healing up any quicker than

molasses.

“Hi,” I say and blink. Hi? That's the best

thing I could up with to the asshole guy that I

sucker punched in the face?

“Huh,” Killian steps in front of me and

bends down until he's eye level with Brad. “Guess

my girl really does know how to throw down.”

“She should be expelled,” Brad huffs.

“She's a better person than you are, so that's

doubtful,” Killian shrugs.

“She hit me!” Brad yells.

I really do have the worst luck imaginable,

considering over half the Union just heard him yell

like a banshee. And now everyone is staring.

“Yeah, and you deserved it,” Killian

answers bluntly. “Next time you decide to play a

girl, I suggest you go for someone who didn't grow

up with me.”

Brad huffs angrily.

Killian smirks and wiggles the fingers on the

hand that's not holding mine in the poor schmucks

face. “See you around, Bradley.”

We make our way over the the taco station

to stand in line behind a group of people. I arch an

eyebrow at Killian in question.

“What?” he asks while studying the menu

display behind the counter.

“Why did you say his name like that?”

“Say whose name like what?”

“Brad’s.”

Killian still doesn't look at me as his eyes

travel lazily over the menu I'm pretty sure he's read

over four times now. “I don't like his name.”

“It's just a name.”

“A name in which was associated with you,

who was an asshole to you, so therefore I get to not

like his name.”

That makes me crack up for some reason.

“I'm sorry, were you jealous of Brad or

something?”

To that I get no response, which is a

response in itself.

“Oh my God!” I laugh harder at that. “You

were!”

“I really don't see how that's funny. You

went and had a milkshake with him.”

I wheeze out between spurts of giggles,

“You're jealous because someone else took me out

for milkshakes?”

“I can't believe we're having this

conversation.”

“I can't believe we haven't had it before,” I

grin. I don't know why this makes me so happy.

Maybe because it shows just how much he's into

me. That I'm not the only one that can get a little

topsy-turvy because of someone else.

“You're ridiculous,” Killian huffs ands grabs

a freshly made burrito.

“Not as ridiculous as why you were

jealous.”

“I didn't even realize I was jealous, okay?”

Killian says. His cheeks heat up and it makes my

stomach do little flips to know it embarrasses him

how overprotective he can sometimes be.

“You like me,” I smirk.

“Damn right I do.”

We grab our food and head back towards

the table of guys. Nina is now sitting on the

opposite side of the table next to Jackson. She

looks completely at peace in her relationship and it

makes me feel giddy that I now have that same

feeling every time I’m around Killian.

After sliding into our seats, Ian leans

forward and snatches a French fry off of Killian’s

plate while continuing to glare at him. I pull my

plate in tighter so that way no one can steal

anything off of it.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,”

my boyfriend shrugs towards Ian. “He’s focused on

the game.”

“On making us work harder than we already

do,” Ian says sternly. “I don’t have time for the

added workouts he wants to implement.”

“It will help us get towards the

championship,” Alex answers nonchalantly.

“We lost one game, it’s not going to make

or break us for the championship slot,” Ian rolls his

eyes. “Coach has us on a good workout plan and

we’re all getting things done smoothly.”

“But we could be better,” Alex shrugs.

“We could always be better,” Ian throws

back at him. “But overworking ourselves isn’t the

answer.”

“Guys,” Killian interjects. “How about a

compromise? We’ll add another day onto our

workout regimen. That way we’ll get to discuss

plays and which areas need work without having a

mutiny on the team, sound good to everyone?”

It takes me a minute to look around the

table as all the guys on the football team nod their

heads in agreement. Most people would say that the

quarterback is the team leader, and while that’s

probably true, Killian seems to be the one they all

go to when they’re unsure of something. Alex

might be the leader, but Killian is by far the

mediator between everyone.

“What?” Killian looks at me.

“What do you mean ‘what’?” I ask.

“You’re staring at everyone,” he points out.

“I’m just looking at all of our friends,” I

smirk at him before sticking out my tongue. “You

know, all those people you want to show me off in

front of, who already know me?”

“Well if that’s the way you want to be about

it, fine,” Killian grins back. But it doesn’t look near

as teasing as my smile had been. Oh no, his was a

pure get ready to eat your words type of grin.

“Hey!” he hollers at the table. “This is Lila, my

girlfriend.”

Everyone proceeds to let out a few catcalls

and whistles.

“I’m showing her off, okay?” Killian adds

on.

“You’re such a dork,” I snort.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” my

boyfriend smiles broadly.

“You two are a walking disaster of the best

kind,” Nina laughs from across the table. “You’re

perfect for each other.”

That gives me a slight pause. Not because I

think she’s wrong, but it’s like being hit caught out

in left field with a baseball coming straight towards

you, and then that moment of clarity when you

think I got this.

Which is exactly how my mind responds to

her words. I got this. It’s always been oblivious to

Killian and I, that much is true. We circled each

other for far too long before things were bound to

wind up this way. Not that it’s that big of a surprise

looking back.

If anyone had told me two months ago that I

would be dating my best friend, my partner in

crime, the only guy who’s successfully driven me to

the brink of insanity, I probably would have

laughed in their faces.

Because my response would have been: I’m

not Killian Blane’s type.

And that was true. I wasn’t his type at all. I

didn’t match what those girls wanted from him: a

one night stand. Instead, I was something so far

different than them that is worked in my favor. I

wasn’t after Killian Blane the football player who

was going pro after college, or the manwhore who

practically owned the campus, or a groupie who

was only after his name.

I was Lila Summers, his best friend.

“You have that look on your face again,”

Killian says softly to me, all the teasing gone out of

his features.

“What look?”

“That you like me look.”

“But I do like you.”

“Thank God for that,” Killian smiles and

brushes his lips across mine briefly.

“Get a room!” someone yells from down

the table.

“Get a life!” Killian yells back with

laughter.

The whole table chuckles along with him

and I settle into his side to continue eating my

lunch.

“I don’t see what the point of this is,” I tell

Nina as we sip our water bottles to watch football

practice continue.

“It’s for the banquet and you know it’s

necessary,” my roommate says and shoves her

phone in my face once again. “What about this

one?”

“I don’t think online shopping for a dress is

going to be the same as actually going to a store

and trying it on to make sure it fits,” I tell her.

“But we can look online to know where

we’d like to go. Or would you rather spend several

days going to different stores to be disappointed in

finding nothing when we could have checked

online first?”

Well, when she puts it like that, online

shopping doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Except for

the fact that I don’t like shopping in the least bit.

“It’s this or we gossip,” Nina points a finger

at me.

I roll my eyes. “You know everything about

my relationship, what could there possibly be to

gossip about?”

“Alex.”

My eyes nearly bulge out of my head.

“Why do you want to gossip about Alex?”

“Why does nobody talk about why he’s a

manwhore?” Nina points towards the field. “Every

time someone brings up having a girlfriend, he

freaks out. What gives?”

“That’s not my business to tell,” I say

firmly.

Now it’s Nina’s eyes that go wide. “So you

know!”

“Of course I know,” I laugh. “I was there

for all the drama that happened.”

She reaches over and wraps her hands

around my bicep before shaking me like her

personal rag doll. “Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

Jeez, she’s like a dog with a bone. One

whiff of it and she’s on the hunt. I’m amazed it

took her this long to hold it in before exploding and

wanting to know about it. “Why don’t you just ask

Alex what happened?” I suggest.

“I tried that once. He gave me his super

angry face and walked off.”

That’s not surprising in the least.

“And I want to know what happened.

Maybe I can set him up with one of my friends for

the banquet. He’d be cool with that, wouldn’t he?”

“I doubt it,” I shrug my shoulders. “He had

one serious girlfriend and after that, well, you know

how he is now. Strongly disagree that he’d like to

be set up with someone.”

“Even if she liked him?” Nina asks.

I pause. “One of your friends likes Alex?”

“Yeah, Chloe. She’s in one of my study

groups and talks about him nonstop,” Nina rolls her

eyes. “I don’t even think I’ve talked about Jackson

that much in my life, and I’m dating him.”

“It’s probably not a wise choice if she’s

serious about liking him,” I shake my head.

“But why is it not a good idea?”

“Show me more dresses,” I say

immediately, trying to change her mind on wanting

to know more about Alex’s love life, or lack

thereof.

“Nuh-uh,” Nina holds her phone away from

me. “Tell me about the girl that’s the reason Alex

won’t date or get set up on dates.”

I sigh, knowing she’s not going to let this go

unless I give her something, and say, “Her name is

Grace. And she broke his heart.”

Chapter Thirty

Killian

There’s an energy floating through the air as

an air horn goes off. Several thousand people are

screaming and stomping their feet in the stands.

The sound so loud in the air that the field actually

seems to be vibrating.

Alex taps me on the shoulder as he rounds

back towards the huddle where Coach is at. I take

up a spot next to him as Coach continues on with

his wisdom and threats all rolled up into one big

shebang.

“...So keep your heads out of your asses and

let’s keep this up!” Coach hollers above the yells of

the crowd. “I don’t get paid to stand here and

watch you make a fools of yourselves. Stick to the

script and let’s get this game over with!”

“One, two, three,” Alex says from beyond

his helmet.

“Break!” everyone echos as we trot back

onto the field to our places.

I’m eyeballing the line from the back of the

field. The opposing team is shifting every few

seconds it feels like, even though they really aren’t.

Everyone is antsy to see how this game goes. To

see if we can come back from the epic fail that I

caused last Saturday. We’re not in Hanson, but a

few hours south near the South Carolina border.

It feels like the majority of the school came

out to cheer us on. And I know somewhere in the

stands, Lila is sitting next to Nina waving a foam

finger and wearing one of my old t-shirts. That

knowledge alone makes me feel invincible on the

field.

The whistle blows, the ball gets hiked and

the linemen surge forward with the brutality of

Viking warriors, or in this case, the force of a

hurricane. Since that’s our team name and all. I run

left, twist until I’m midway between Ian and Alex,

making sure to hit the guy currently barreling for

Ian with all the force I can drive behind my body.

We go down in a tangle of limbs just as I see

Ian hop in the hair and take off into the open field

towards the end zone. In less than twenty seconds,

we’re awarded a touchdown. Ian does his little

bunny hop, since we’re not supposed to outright

dance in the end zone. As soon as he’s done, we

line back up for our kicker to come onto the field.

Not that we use him, considering we go for

a two-point conversion and get it. But he’s there all

the same to join the crowd and the team in

celebrating the victory as the crowd goes wild and

the buzzer signals the end of the fourth quarter.

We won.

And I’ve never been so happy or relieved.

We’re sitting in the visitor locker room

while waiting for all the gear to be rounded up

before we’re released to the bus to head back

towards campus. If you’re lucky, and I mean really

fucking lucky, then you get to drive your own car

back. Or catch a ride back.

It’s the one rule Coach doesn’t mind if we

break as long as he okays it beforehand. And that’s

why I’m impatiently waiting around so that way I

can head out to the parking lot and find Lila.

“Shit!” someone yells and we all turn and

crane our necks to see what’s happening.

Lila’s fiery hair is bouncing in her ponytail

as she rounds the corner and scans the room until

her annoyed eyes settle on me. Nina is holding on

to the back of Lila’s shirt, her other hand plastered

over her eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” Alex snorts from

beside me.

“Babe!” Jackson yells in confusion. “What

the hell are you doing back here?”

“Lila was impatient to get going before

traffic got bad,” Nina says, turning her head while

still keeping her eyes shielded. “Please tell me no

one is naked in here.”

“No one’s naked,” Jackson huffs.

“Oh thank goodness,” Nina sighs and drops

her hand to look around the room for her boyfriend.

“We would have been out in like ten

minutes,” I smile at Lila.

Her gunmetal eyes roll in her head. “I was

impatient.”

Obviously she was if she’s standing in the

locker room right now.

“How do you get back here?” Alex asks

from beside me, sounding a little bit in awe.

“Why? Is it supposed to be hard?” Lila

frowns. “I just told your little guard guy that I was

tired of waiting around and that if he didn’t move

that I was going to move him.”

“That’s not fully true,” Nina chimes in.

“She used a lot of ugly words and raised her voice.

I’m thinking she might be a little hangry.”

“Hungry, baby doll?” I grin at her.

“This place only has nachos,” Lila shrugs

her shoulders. “How is that a proper meal? I want a

burger. And I want to go to a place that’s not

crowded and I don’t want this to turn into a five

hour drive.” She claps her hands together. “Come

on, move it, Killian.”

“She’s a little feisty when she’s hungry,”

Alex snorts.

He didn’t even know the half of it. When

we were little, Lila used to stop and glare at me or

yell my full name while stomping her foot if she

was hungry and I wasn’t paying attention to her.

That thought makes my lips twitch in amusement.

Not much has changed since then, either.

“I'm feisty all the time,” Lila lifts her chin in

the air. “Now,” she turns back to face me, “are you

going to hurry up or what?”

“Blane!” I hear my last name resonate out

of Coach’s mouth. He looks from me to Lila, then

back to me in a silent gesture of what the hell is

your girlfriend doing back here now?

“Oh good,” Lila eyeballs Coach as he

comes over to us. “Are we done here? I'm starving

and Killian is moving slower than a snail moving on

super glue.”

This time it's Coach’s lips that twitch in

amusement. “Killian,” the old man sighs heavily,

“for God's sake, would you keep her out of the

locker room?” He waves his clipboard toward the

neon exit sign. “Go ahead and get gone.”

Lila tilts her head back and lets out a long

sigh. “Finally.”

“Okay,” I wrap one of my arms around

Lila’s shoulders as I step beside her and fling my

bag over my own shoulder. “Let's go feed you.”

“Oh yay,” Nina snorts. “She comes

barreling in here and gets what she wants.”

“Coach looks a little afraid of her,” Jackson

shrugs then eyeballs Lila. “Not that he's wrong not

to. Your girlfriend is a little hellion, Blane.”

“She's a cute hellion, though,” I say.

“Why do I have to be a hellion?” Lila raises

her hands in frustration. “Why can't I just be a girl

who wants some food?”

“It's all about your approach,” Nina tells

her.

“Hello, I got my boyfriend and your

boyfriend to leave early so I could get some food,”

Lila states proudly. “Clearly, I'm doing something

right.”

“Yeah, by scaring the poor guard at the door

to get back here,” Alex snorts.

“Well it worked, didn't it?”

She's got a valid point there that causes

everyone to laugh. Of course it was going to work.

Lila Summers didn't understand the word no. And

thank goodness for that.

“Let's go!” She claps her hands again before

walking out from under my arm and marching back

towards the exit door like a girl on a mission. A

mission for food, but an important mission

nonetheless.

It takes a few minutes and holding Lila’s

hand like a leash to keep her from running through

the crowd of people and getting lost like a small

child, before we're able to get outside and into the

massive parking lot. I'm not sure where she parked,

but I'm praying that it's close. My muscles are

starting to feel the burn and anger of being

overworked, as usual to feel after an intense game.

“Babe,” I hear Jackson wheeze from behind

me, “can we take a minute to breathe?”

“We’re almost to the car!” I hear Nina

respond. “Plus, if we don't keep up, Lila’s bound to

leave without us.”

“It's true!” my spunky, hangry, hellion

girlfriend hollers back towards them.

Jackson lets out a heavy sigh. “Fine.”

After fighting the crowd in the parking lot

where everyone wanted to congratulate Jackson

and me, we made it to Lila’s car. Cramming myself

into her car was bad enough, but two football

players into a car? It's a bit of a squish.

“Babe,” I huff as I bring my knees closer to

my chest in the front passenger seat, “you need to

invest in a bigger car.”

“I like my car,” Lila says as she turns the

car on and pulls out of the parking spot.

“Nope, I'm on Killian’s side on this one.

Your car is fucking tiny,” Jackson said.

“You're both ridiculous,” Nina says before

leaning forward so her face is hovering between

Lila and me. “Do you know if Jackson stays

squished like this for too long he tends to fart in a

deadly silence that will suffocate us all. I barely

made it last time this happened.”

I can't stop that laughter that escapes my

mouth in bursts. She looks so serious and that just

makes her whole spiel worse. “Man,” I rub my

hand over my face, “what the hell?”

“Get back here,” Jackson huffs and pulls

Nina back into the backseat. “Look, long car rides

make me squeamish and instead of puking like a

normal person, I fart, okay? Now, shut the hell up.”

I'm still laughing though as Lila pulls out of

the parking lot and immediately onto the highway

heading north.

“Does Killian do anything weird since he

can't stop laughing his ass off at me?” Jackson

demands to Lila.

“Oh, no,” I immediately perk up. “Don't tell

him anything.”

“Why not?” Lila smirks. “All’s fair in love

and war, right?”

I arch an eyebrow at her. “Are we at war

with each other? Because if we are, I wasn't aware

of that.”

“Sorry, Jackson,” Lila sighs dramatically, “I

guess I'm not supposed to tell you about the time

that Killian peed his pants while in the car in fourth

grade.”

I hear Jackson let out a booming sound of

laughter from behind me.

“Okay, first of all,” I point my finger at her,

“I did not piss myself and you damn well know it.

Especially since you're the reason it happened.”

Lila gives a little shrug like that major detail

doesn't actually mean anything in the grand scheme

of things.

I turn around in my seat to look at Nina and

Jackson who are still snickering. “Seriously,

someone wasn't supposed to have any soda in the

car. We were doing a photoshoot with her mom for

my birthday and I had on white shorts because we

were going on the boat. And Lila here decided to

sneak lemonade into the car then take off the lid.”

“Oh my God,” Nina wheezes.

“So her mom pulls over, and of course I'm

pissed the fuck off, and Lila is pissed that her

lemonade spilled. Not that she just ruined a pair of

my shorts.”

“He looked like he pissed himself,” Lila

snorts.

“Yeah,” I say as my face goes red. “We had

to pull over into a McDonald’s so I could wipe off

what I could, but kids in there still laughed at me.”

“I'm still mad my lemonade fell out of the

cup holder,” Lila grins. She doesn't look mad at all.

“And then she starts trying to say I must've

peed myself so she wouldn't get in trouble,” I roll

my eyes. “And then, because she got in trouble and

got grounded, she told everyone at school I peed

my pants to get back at me when I didn't do

anything to her.”

“If you had just agreed that you'd peed your

pants, then I wouldn't have gotten grounded,” Lila

says like that makes complete sense.

For the record, it doesn't.

“You two are so cute,” Nina laughs. “I take

back every bad thing I said about you, Killian.”

“Wait a second,” I turn around to look at

her again and frown. “What do you mean? You've

said bad things about me?”

“Well, with the whole cafeteria incident,

yes. And then in the beginning, I was a little unsure

of how this would all go,” Nina shrugs. “You're a

lot different than the guy from the beginning of the

year.”

“I think he's the same,” Lila interjects

softly. “This is the Killian that I've always known.

The one that's always been my best friend. It might

have just taken it getting here for the rest of the

world to see who he is, too.”

Lila’s words stir something inside of me and

a proud feeling settles over me. This girl saw me

the whole time. She was there for every good and

bad moment in my life. The one person I never shut

out if I could help it.

And, man, if that's not that soul-gripping,

deep-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach type of love, then

I don't know what this is.

Every day that passes it gets a little bit

harder to keep it to myself. That urge to caveman

beat my chest and tell her she's mine and that she's

the only girl I've truly loved outside of my family.

That it's a deeper love than just a best friend kind.

I need this banquet to hurry the hell up so I

can announce it to the world.

A light bulb goes off inside of my head.

That's it. That's my plan to tell her.

Lila pulls off the interstate a few seconds

later and steers the car towards a Pizza Hut. She

looks longingly at one of the posters plastered to

the window before parking the car.

“I thought you wanted a burger?” I ask my

beautiful girlfriend.

“I did,” Lila nods before looking back

towards the poster. “And then I changed my mind.”

Yeah, I think to myself, like how we both

changed our minds about each other.

But that's too mushy to say in front of

friends, so I hold it in.

Chapter Thirty-One

Lila

Two weeks later…

I don't know what changed.

Whatever it was, it definitely isn't a bad

change. But there's a difference in the way Killian

looks at me now, like how his eyes go softer and his

smile has more charm. If that's even possible.

Who knows, maybe I'm going crazy and

seeing things that aren't really there.

But it would definitely be nice if they were

there.

“Okay,” Nina claps her hands together as

she comes out of our bathroom. She has on a glitzy,

dark blue gown and her hair in some kind of funky

updo that I have never seen before. “Are you

ready?”

“Sure,” I say and lean down to adjust the

strap on my high heel. Whoever thought letting me

walk around outside of cowboy boots was a smart

idea, is clearly an idiot in not realizing I would be

like a baby gazelle trying to maneuver on stilts.

“Stand up straight and let me get a good

look at you to make sure you're perfect,” Nina says

and plants her hands on her hips.

I wobble into an upright position and hold

my hands out in a well gesture.

“You look so pretty,” Nina smiles. “I wish I

had your legs. I swear they're a mile long.”

They definitely felt like a mile long in these

shoes.

“Your hair turned out really nicely too.

Especially since you let it down.”

I finger one of the curls and watch it bounce

a little before looking off towards my bedroom.

“And you're sure that cowboy boots are off limits?”

I ask. “Just to be clear, my dress would cover them.

And they're way more comfortable to wear.”

“You are not wearing cowboy boots to an

athletic sportsmanship banquet,” Nina jabs her

finger in my direction. “So help me God, I finally

made a preppy looking girl out of you, and you are

not going to ruin my work with sun-dried leather

with horse shit stains.”

The corners of my mouth twitch so I don't

laugh at her. She's not wrong in the least bit, and I

did agree to let her doll me up for the occasion.

And cowboy boots were off the table the minute I

got the dress code for this shindig, unfortunately.

A knock at the door tells us that our dates

are here. At least, hopefully, both of them are

standing there since they decided to get ready at

Killian’s so we could all carpool in Killian’s truck

together.

“Well, open it,” I say impatiently.

There are few times in my life, in fact

probably only two, that I can recall seeing Killian

Blane in a suit. And now I get to add a third time to

that list.

It's a perfectly tailored suit. One that is a

deep black with a white button-up beneath. His hair

is still just as short as ever, and the tie is loose

around his neck as he walks in to see me.

Except he stumbles.

Killian Blane just saw me and stumbled with

his mouth hanging open in awe or shock, I'm not

sure.

“I know,” Nina smiles proudly. “She looks

good, doesn't she?”

“Yes, babe,” Jackson tells her. “She does

and so do you.”

I wasn't even aware that Jackson had come

in since all I saw was Killian. “Hi,” I give him a

half-wave.

Killian still just continues to blink at me.

“Uh, hello in there?” I sigh and snap my

fingers in front of his face. “I thought I looked

pretty good for someone who doesn't know how to

walk in heels, and you can't even say anything.

Rude much?”

Nina laughs from behind me. “I don't think

he's being rude, Lila. I think he's in shock.”

“Wow,” Killian finally manages to get out of

his mouth. “Lila, you look,” he pauses to blink at

me a few times, “amazing.”

“You don't look so bad yourself, hot stuff,”

I tease.

“Damn, baby doll.” Killian rocks back on

his heels and I notice something that makes me spin

and almost topple over to point at Nina accusingly.

“You said cowboy boots were not allowed

in the dress code!”

Nina leans around me to spot Killian’s

nicely polished Tony Llamas. “Huh, well, would

you look at that, I guess guys can wear them.”

I feel my right cheek twitch and ball my

hands up to rage some more about how unfair it

was that my boyfriend gets to wear comfortable

shoes and that I'm stuck in stilts and have to wobble

around.

“Woah there, slugger,” Killian steps up and

locks both of his arms around me to stop me from

going after Nina. “You look breathtaking, Lila,” he

murmurs in my ear and kisses the side of my head.

“Absolutely beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I blush, forgetting my slight

annoyance with Nina for a moment.

“Let's get going before it starts to get

crowded,” Killian says.

“Hey!” a voice says from the doorway and I

turn just in time to see Ian and Alex standing there.

“What are you two doing here?” Nina asks

before I can.

“Wasn't Killian driving us?” Alex asks. “I

thought that's what we agreed on in the locker room

the other day.”

“We,” Jackson says while pointing first to

himself and then to Killian, “decided that we were

carpooling so the girls could stay together while

everyone talks about sports tonight.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Alex stared blankly.

“But Ian and I were right there.”

“That doesn't mean you get an invite,”

Jackson rolls his eyes.

“But we're already here,” Ian shrugs. “So, it

would be a waste to not carpool.”

“You drove here,” Nina shakes her head.

“Of course I did,” Ian scoffs. “It's too far of

a walk to get here.”

“Oh my God,” Nina throws her hands in the

air. “How did this happen? How are we all going to

fit? Why can't you just follow us in your car, Ian?”

Ian simply blinks a few times at her. “Then

how am I going to talk to everyone?”

“We're going to the same building,” my

roommate stresses.

“Just give up,” Jackson sighs heavily.

“They're being obtuse on purpose to make you

mad.”

“Well, it worked,” Nina grunts.

“And we got a free car ride out of the deal,”

Alex grins before turning to high-five Ian.

“It's a good thing my console lifts up to seat

six,” Killian chuckles. “Come on, let's go. I have a

surprise that I want to get to tonight.”

“A surprise?” I ask.

Killian merely winks at me before tugging

me by my hand out the door.

It takes a few minutes to get everyone

situated in the truck. I'm sitting beside Killian

because Alex deemed the console seat too small for

his large frame, and he wasn't wrong. However, that

left me smushed between him and Killian up front.

While Nina sat squished behind me between

Jackson and Ian.

Our little mismatched group.

The banquet hall wasn't nearly what I

thought it would be. “Banquet hall” just sounded a

lot better than the third floor of the Union’s student

ballroom where Stress Less Fest was usually held,

or the blood drive every few months.

But, I had to admit, they did a pretty good

job of setting up the tables and making the place

look eloquent. To be honest, we all probably could

have walked across campus to get here, but high

heels and long distance didn't go hand-in-hand. At

least not with my limited experience.

Killian wrapped his arm around my waist as

he guided me through the room. Several guys

stopped us to congratulate Killian on going to the

playoffs, while the dates of said guys ogled him.

No matter how much I had been used to it

before we started this whole liking each other and

then dating thing, now the girls just tended to piss

me off.

He was mine, dammit. How was that so

hard to see?

“Come on, let's find our seats,” Killian

murmurs in my ear after steering me away from

someone else who wanted to congratulate him.

“A lot of people sure do know you,” I say

quietly.

Killian wrinkles his nose as he sits down at a

table with our name cards placed on it. “Honestly, I

probably know maybe two people who stopped me.

The rest just kind of muddle together on faces.

Which is a mean thing to point out, but there's just

too many people who keep tabs on me.”

“Won't this just get worse if you go pro?” I

ask.

My boyfriend scratches his jaw and shrugs

his shoulders that look a little stiff now. “Probably,

and I can handle it.” He eyeballs me. “Could you

handle it?”

I know the right question I should be asking

myself is: could I? But the the only thing circulating

through my brain at the moment is: does that mean

he wants me around when he goes pro?

“Did I just render you speechless?” Killian

grins slyly. “Huh. I never knew I could do that to

you before.”

The witty part of me is long gone, still

spinning my previous thought in my head over and

over. My mouth opens and closes without actually

spewing any words out. So yeah, I guess he has

rendered me speechless.

“You’re so cute when you don’t know what

to say to me,” he adds on.

“You boggle my mind,” I roll my eyes. “But

I could definitely handle it. I just have to remember

that I want you for you, and not for whatever

everyone else wants.”

“Which is the most beautiful thing anyone

has ever said to me.” Killian glances around as the

place begins to fill with more and more people. He

tugs on the tie he managed to tie while driving,

something that should never be attempted by

anyone sane. Especially when he started to drift

lanes and I felt everything I ate today curdle in my

stomach in anticipation for a crash. Thank God

Nina had the gall to yell at him before I could get

my wits about me.

“So what’s this surprise?” I ask again.

“You’re awful impatient. It might not even

be for you,” Killian teases. “It could be for Alex or

Ian.”

“Bullshit, ‘cause I’m your favorite and

everyone knows it.”

The corner of Killian’s mouth twitches into

a half-smile. “Okay, you got me there. You’re

definitely my favorite person here.”

“That’s such a relief,” I smile widely. “Now,

is the surprise a present?”

“Nope.”

I pause to think of what else it could be. “Is

it a puppy?”

“Why do girls always assume they’re

getting a puppy?” Killian asks in mock-wonder.

“Because puppies make everything better.

And it’s known to be probably the best surprise

ever to happen to someone,” I point out then make

a show of looking around the room. “So where is

my puppy? Who do I need to tackle to get to it?”

“There’s no puppy,” Killian laughs. “Glad

to know you’d willingly tackle someone for a dog,

though.”

“Any sane person would.” Unless they were

allergic, but then they wouldn’t get surprised with a

puppy in the first place, which makes that whole

thing null and void to them.

Before Killian or I could talk about

something else, or for me to guess whatever else

my surprise could be, someone in a makeshift

waiter’s uniform comes over and Killian gets up to

follow him somewhere.

“Sorry, baby doll,” Killian leans down to

kiss my cheek. “I’m giving the opening speech.

Coach decided it was better to let me do it than

Alex.”

We both turn to look down the table where

Alex is sword fighting with Ian using forks. A laugh

escapes out of me at that. “Okay, probably a good

call to not have Alex do it.”

“Or Ian,” Killian chuckles. “I’ll see you

afterwards.”

“And then do I get to know what my

surprise is?” I ask impatiently.

“Killian,” the waiter guy huffs.

“Right,” Killian nods to him. “We’ll see.”

And with that he winks at me before

following the impatient guy. I lean forward and

wave my hand to get Nina’s attention from two

seats down. She leans back to see me and then

scooches out of her chair to come take over

Killian’s seat while he’s away.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Nina asks.

“He’s supposed to give some speech,” I

shrug.

Jackson leans around Nina to peer over at

me. “Who said he was giving a speech tonight?”

“Your coach,” I roll my eyes. “Apparently

they didn’t think Alex could handle it.”

“There’s no speech given my students

tonight,” Jackson frowns. “Are you sure that’s what

he said?”

Well, I was pretty sure until now. The

tumbling in my stomach started to take over as my

nerves started in. Why would Killian say he was

delivering a speech if he wasn't? What kind of logic

was that?

A microphone being tapped had us all

turning towards the stage on the far side of the

room. Killian’s tall frame stood above everyone,

making him even taller due to the platform beneath

him.

“Ha,” I say smugly. So he was giving a

speech. In your face Jackson.

“So,” Killian clears his throat as his voice

booms through the strategically placed speakers

around the room. “I kind of lied to someone, so I’m

sorry in advance for that.” He looks apologetically

towards our table.

Oh no.

“Anyways, I’m not actually giving a speech

about football. Although I’m sure Coach would

have been a lot easier on me when I told him I

wanted to stand in front of a room full of people

and speak,” Killian continues. “As many of you are

aware, I used to be a bit of a player. Like, balls-to-

the-wall kind of player with no regard to anyone.

And then this year I decided that I didn’t want that

anymore. Mostly because my best friend wanted to

be just like me. Hell no was I letting that happen.”

“What is he doing?” Nina asks me.

“How am I supposed to know?” I frown at

her. “He didn’t tell me this! He told me it was about

football.”

“Hey,” Alex leans down the table to glare at

us, “shut up and listen to your boyfriend.”

I stick out my tongue at him, but go back to

listening to Killian.

“I don’t really know how to do this whole

boyfriend thing,” Killian says sheepishly. “And

that’s okay because she’s letting me make mistakes

and fix them along the way. Which is one of the

many reasons why I love Lila Summers. She’s my

best friend, the person who tells me like it is

without holding back, and who makes me smile and

laugh even when I’m in a bad mood.”

He looks up towards the ceiling before

looking directly at me.

“You see, I didn’t come up here to talk

about football because that’s only a piece of who I

am. Something that I wasn’t sure about for a long

time, thinking that the football player was all

anyone was going to see. And it shouldn’t be a

shock that Lila easily saw past it all. She’s known

me almost our entire lives and could care less if I

played or not.”

A few people clap and holler out.

“I didn’t do this the right way before. At

least, that’s what everyone keeps telling me. Take it

slow, and I didn’t. And it cost me something that I

didn’t even realize. It cost me that faith I thought

you had in me. That I was the one who made you

question it, so this is me making it perfectly clear

for once.” Killian spreads his arms open wide to the

crowd that’s eating out of the palm of his hand. “I,

Killian Blane, am in love in my best friend, Lila

Summers, and she’s the most amazing girlfriend to

ever grace this planet and my life.”

“Holy shit,” Nina wraps her hand around

my arm and shakes me. “Did you hear him?”

I’m pretty sure people in California could

hear what he just said with how loudly he spoke

into the microphone. He loves me. Holy shit is

right.

Killian hops off the stage and makes a

beeline for our table. Nina practically flings herself

into Jackson’s lap to get out of Killian’s seat quick

enough for him to drop into it, his large shoulders

effectively blocking out everyone and everything

else.

“So?” Killian gives me a crooked grin.

I can’t get my heart to talk to my brain to be

able to form all the words that I want to. So instead,

I just sit here with my mouth hanging open while

staring at him.

“Boy, tonight must really be my night to

render you speechless,” he teases and grabs one of

my hands to fiddle with my fingers. “Had that

whole thing planned for two solid weeks,” he adds

proudly.

I blink a few times at him before wetting my

lips. “You love me?”

Killian outright laughs at that. “Did you not

hear a word I said up there?”

Truth? I quit hearing him after he said I love

you the first time. And yes, I know he said it twice

because it’s the only thing swirling around in my

brain at the moment.

“I do,” he continues in that proud voice. “I

love you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh my God,” Nina leans over Killian’s

shoulder to snap her fingers in front of my face.

“Are you broken, what the hell, Lila? Did you not

hear him for the third time admit his undying love

for you? Jesus, woman. Tell him you love him back

before you give him a complex.”

“Thanks,” Killian snorts.

“Okay,” I bite my lip nervously. Why I’m

nervous I don’t know. He just told me he loves me

in front of an entire ballroom full of people and I’m

having trouble just saying it to him. “I love you,

too.”

“Sounds pretty damn perfect to me,” Killian

grins. “You were about to actually give me a

complex there, baby doll.”

“I don’t think oxygen is getting to my brain

quick enough to respond,” I flush.

“It’s okay,” Killian says and runs the back

of his fingers across my face gently. “I have a

feeling I’ll wait to hear you tell me anything.”

I smile at his words and lean forward to give

him a soft kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Oh boy, now they’re going to be even

more obnoxious,” Alex fake gags from down the

table.

“Oh shut up, they’re cute!” Nina rolls her

eyes at the quarterback.

“You only say that because you’re just as

obnoxious with Jackson,” Alex rebuts.

“God, I can’t wait for you to get a girlfriend

so I can cram as much obnoxiousness down your

throat,” Nina sighs loudly. “Someone on this planet

has to be able to put up with you.”

Alex shrugs his shoulders in response.

“We’ll just have to wait and see,” I tell

Nina.

“I’m glad we got here,” Killian tells me

quietly, drawing my attention away from our

friends. “To the place where that line in the sand is

officially gone.”

“It was bound to happen,” I grin at him and

lean my head on his shoulder. “One way or another,

I’m sure something was bound to happen to get us

here.”

“To fate,” Killian murmurs before kissing

the top of my head.

I lace our fingers together and set them on

his leg. “To fate.”

The End

Introduction to The

Wrong Girl

Grace Hart gave up her love story for a

chance at something more. The more wasn’t

another guy, it wasn’t even another person. It was a

chance to fulfill her dream to be a dancer.

See, the thing they don’t tell you about

dance when you’re little, is that it’s extremely

competitive. Now, take into account that you

happen to be dating the high school’s starting

quarterback, and competitive doesn’t even begin to

describe my life. So I gave up Alex Hunter midway

through senior year to leave for college four months

earlier than planned.

And now with my grandfather, who

happened to raise me, health concerns, I decided

after three and a half years away, it was time to

come home and finish my degree.

Now, if only I can manage to avoid Alex

Hunter for the rest of the year, my life will be

golden.

Because that love story I gave up?

It didn’t quite give up on me.

Acknowledgements

So, I wanted to try something new. It’s set in

a town that doesn’t exist, because it’s actually a

few places that fill up my heart combined into one.

As someone who knows that we all fall in and out

of love in life, countless times. Some we wish we

could take back, or wish had lasted longer, or

prayed for a second chance. I wanted to dedicate

this book to everyone who ever fell in love with

their best friend.

Because who else is better to fall in love

with beyond them?

My parents were friends when they were

little. They grew up together and eventually fell in

love. They drifted apart as teenagers, like most do,

but found their way back together. They gave me

the definition of fate. The idea that falling in love

with someone that’s meant to be will always

happen. Even at the strangest of times.

This is the first book that I’ve edited

completely by myself, so pray to God for me that I

eventually get the hang of grammar and how it

actually works. But my underuse of commas has

officially disappeared! Danielle, previous editor, did

teach me something!

I hope you all fall in love with Killian and

Lila the way I did. The Wrong Way is going to be

one of those books that enter me into a different

category than Western Romance, and I’m so glad I

decided to take that plunge. Hopefully, you all

agree!

My readers are by far the kindest people

that I have the pleasure of entertaining with my

fictional world. Stay in love!

About The Wrong Way

This is a little different. I wanted to write

something to explain why this book means a lot to

me and why it took so much longer to put out than

anticipated. It started out titled Rules of Love

because it had a completely different concept than

what is actually written. Something that I felt

strongly about, but in the end, I felt more strongly

about this.

Rules of Love had 81 pages written in a

matter of five days. That’s pretty impressive to me.

I don’t like to do drafts of my books, I feel like

things are better the first time around and then to

tweak it when necessary. Which is why absolutely

none of those 81 pages got used.

This story was for a different situation, in a

different town, in a different form of love.

The Wrong Way possessed the ability to let

me tell a story of love that first came about of

friendship. That the foundation for something more

was already in place. As will be the whole directive

for this series placed at Hanson University.

I hope you enjoy this series as much as I

know I will!