HIS WAYWARD HEART

CR GUILIANO

mlrpress

www.mlrpress.com

Blurb

Lake Daugherty has loved William Cohen since Junior High. They

were the best of friends and occasional lovers. Neither questioned nor
hid their sexuality. But despite how close they were, Lake could never
seem to get Lim to take him seriously. Their on again, off again lovers
status was starting to take its toll on Lake.

They weren’t in high school anymore. They were out of college now

too. As Lake’s feelings deepened over the years, he realized he wanted
more. He wanted all of Lim, for the rest of his life. But was he ever
going to convince William Cohen that Lake Daugherty was who he
wanted and stop his wandering heart?

Copyright Acknowledgement
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents
either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead,
is entirely coincidental.
Copyright 2013 by CR Guiliano
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in
part in any form.
Published by
MLR Press, LLC
3052 Gaines Waterport Rd.
Albion, NY 14411
Visit ManLoveRomance Press, LLC on the Internet:
www.mlrpress.com
Cover Art by Winterheart Designs
Editing by Kris Jacen
ebook format
Issued 2013

This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or

distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International
Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction,
fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given
to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the
express permission of the publisher.

CHAPTER ONE

I pulled a new box of mugs down from the top shelf, getting ready to

open my little tea shop, the Steaming Cup. It was nearly eight o’clock

and I needed to hurry. But, hurrying inevitably led to accidents. So, what

happened? The box slipped from my grip and landed squarely on the top

of my left foot. The pain was excruciating, and I cussed up a storm, not

something I usually do.

“Just what I fucking needed,” I growled into the empty supply room. I

was already out of sorts having had to listen to Lim go on and on about

his newest hook up last night. We’d had plans. Plans that went out the

window when Lim met…Andre. A Frenchman relocating to America for

business. If you believed Lim, this Andre must be a god. I gritted my

teeth, both in frustration and pain. I slowly hopped over to the tiny desk

in the corner of the supply room, then sat down heavily and chewed on

my lip before gasping in pain as I eased my shoe and sock off. Shaking

my head, I picked up my cell off the desk and called Lauren.

“Hey, sis. I need your help. I dropped a box on my foot, and I think it’s

broken. It’s turned the most spectacular color of purple I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh, baby boy! I can’t leave work right now. The boss is on a

rampage.”

I sighed. Lauren’s editor at the paper was notorious for his rampages.

“Call William. I’m sure he’ll take you to the ER,” Lauren added

absently.

I gritted my teeth again. I didn’t want to call Lim. I was sure he’d been

up all night getting fucked by his new manwhore. That was uncharitable

of me, but it always hurt so much to listen to him gush over a new lover.

Had he ever gushed over me? Not likely. Despite our history as friends

since junior high, William Cohen, or Lim, as I called him, wasn’t

interested in me except for an occasional fuck between boyfriends, when

he didn’t have someone more interesting or better looking.

“Never mind, Lauren. I’ll drive myself,” I told her and hung up before

she could answer. My patience was almost nonexistent. And now I

wouldn’t be able to open my shop, which meant losing income I needed.

I sighed again, grabbed my keys, and made my slow and very painful

way out to my car.

The ER had been surprisingly light, not many people there, which I

was grateful for. I had been correct; my left foot was broken in two

places, though I was assured they were clean breaks and would heal

nicely. Four hours later, with cast, crutches, and painkillers, I was

sprawled out on the couch, foot resting on the coffee table, dozing, the

painkillers reducing the pain in my foot to a dull, throbbing ache, and

thankful my sister was tied up at work so she wouldn’t be fussing over

me. Bad enough I lived with her until my business made more money.

Then I’d be able to finish paying her back for all the financial help she’d

given me.

“LAKE!” The bellow through Lauren’s small apartment had me nearly

falling off the couch in surprise. I turned to look at the short hall to the

front door to find Lim rushing in, looking concerned. I would have been

happy to see him if it weren’t for the stunning man following him into my

apartment. This must be the infamous Andre. I had to admit, if I wasn’t so

pathetically in love with Lim, I would have made a play for the

Frenchman myself. Not that I was a player or anything. I’d fallen in love

with Lim at fourteen, never been with anyone else, never wanted to be.

And I paid for that with the pain of unrequited love. It sucked, and not in

a good way.

Lim plopped down on the couch next to me, much too close for my

comfort with his new lover in the room. I moved, putting some space

between us. I never did go for the games of trying to win Lim back from

his other lovers. It just wasn’t in me to be so conniving. Either Lim

wanted me, or he didn’t. With Andre in the picture…he didn’t.

“You okay, babe? What happened? Lauren didn’t really say, just that

you’d been hurt at work.” Lim’s bright green eyes were intent on my

face, his short brown hair disheveled as if he’d been running his fingers

through it in agitation. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. I couldn’t believe

my sister had called Lim. Couldn’t believe how his concern was

affecting me. God... He had a way of undoing me.

“I’m fine.” I mumbled, giving Lim’s new boyfriend a glance. Lim

didn’t even notice. On the other hand, Lim looked like he was ready to

pat me down and make sure I wasn’t hurt anywhere else. I had to get him

out of here. Him and his fuck friend. “I’m fine, Lim. Go home,” I told

him, probably sounding harsher than I meant by the look of hurt on his

face. At the moment, high on drugs, I didn’t really care. Let him hurt.

Maybe then he’d get a tiny taste of what I felt every time he was with

someone else.

CHAPTER TWO

The next morning, I awkwardly made it to my car and got to The

Steaming Cup, with plenty of time to spare to open on time. I wasn’t

going to make the mistake of hurrying again. Besides, on crutches, I

would be moving a lot slower anyway. The shop had been open for only

a half hour when Lim strode in, looking tired. He shook his head in

exasperation at me, and I raised an eyebrow at him. What the hell did he

expect? I had to make a living. I had bills to pay. I wasn’t a trust-fund

baby like he was, didn’t get a free ride through college either, like he

did. Lauren paid for my education, and I was still paying her back two

years later, along with the loan to open my tea shop. Some of us had to

work. I cringed inwardly, guilt making my stomach twist. Lim worked

too. Damn hard. He’d never been arrogant or pompous over his money.

For that matter, I wasn’t so sure Lim had ever touched the fund. It was a

baseball scholarship that got him through college. I wasn’t good enough

to get one, but Lim was a born athlete.

“Why are you here, Lake?” Lim said, coming up to stand in front of

me.

I leaned against the counter and then made a show of looking around

Lim’s bulk. “Where’s your…uh, friend?” I asked in return, looking up

into his face. He frowned at me, and I noted the deep bruising under his

eyes and the pale skin, his freckles standing out more than usual. Lim

looked like he was sick. That overrode my annoyance at him for having

another lover in a long string of lovers, all of which weren’t me.

“Are you okay?” I asked, laying my hand on his chest without thinking

about it. My breath caught when Lim laid his hand over mine, curling his

fingers and squeezing my palm against his chest. I covered it well. I

always did. Lim knew me, but I had gotten good at hiding my true

feelings from him. It was a survival mechanism, I was sure. It didn’t

matter how close our friendship had been years ago, didn’t matter that

we were two peas in a pod, despite me being so stereotypically gay and

Lim able to pass as a straight man. Not that he acted like one. I’d learned

long ago to hold in my feelings, to bury them deep as an instinctual buffer

from Lim’s obvious disinterest in anything more with me.

“I’m fine. Andre and I just got in.”

I pulled my hand away, being careful to act nonchalant. There was no

way I wanted Lim to figure out how jealous I was, or that he broke my

heart over and over every time he opened his mouth. Maybe I should

have told Lim how I felt, but over the years it was clear he would never

feel the same way, so I would salvage what little dignity I had left and

remain silent. I couldn’t protect my heart. It was already his and always

would be. I just needed to move on.

“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep, then.” I slid my way

down the counter and out of Lim’s reach. I grabbed the crutches and

hobbled over to the stool behind the cash register, staying silent. I just

wanted Lim to leave. It was bad enough he only thought of me as an

occasional fuck, but to see me like this? Well, it irked. After all, what

did I have to offer a rich, successful, gorgeous man like Lim anyway?

Sure, I owned a business, but it was still in the red. Wouldn’t be in the

black for another two years. I survived paycheck to paycheck and

sometimes not even then. At twenty-five, I still lived with my sister. I

was a loser, and it didn’t really matter how much history Lim and I had

as friends. Eventually I was going to be shoved to the side permanently,

and I knew it. Better to start pulling away now before I had no heart left

at all.

“Nah, I’m good. Andre’s waiting in the car, though, so I have to go. I

just wanted to see if you were all right. You sure you should be here?”

“I’m fine.” I knew I snapped, but I was hurting, in more ways than one,

and Lim’s presence, and knowing his latest fuck was in the car, was

rubbing me the wrong way and making my exhaustion more noticeable.

Lim frowned at me but nodded and left.

I slumped, resting my elbows on the counter and hiding my face in my

hands. I would not cry. I hadn’t cried over Lim in almost three years.

Ever since that first serious relationship of his that pulled him away from

me. Lim had met Noel just after we graduated from college. Lim had

done some bed hopping through high school and college, and I, stupid as

I was, thought Noel was no different. Until Lim stopped calling so much.

Until any plans I tried to make with him came up against resistance. Until

I got angry and hurt at the rejection and stopped bothering to make any

plans. Lim was with Noel for a year and a half, a major record for him.

And one of the most miserable times of my life. I had probably shed

more tears in that year and a half than I had my entire childhood.

That relationship was the first time I figured out Lim was never going

to be with me. Not permanently. Not as boyfriends or partners. And me,

being totally pathetic and in love with Lim, when he and Noel broke up

and Lim was at my doorstep, I welcomed him back into my life…and my

bed…with open arms. Of course, I got to ride the high of righteous

indignation, because Noel had cheated on Lim. But then again that was

also when I learned Lim didn’t really appreciate me deprecating his

exes. Lim ended up in two more serious relationships after Noel, both

ending less than six months later. Bob, a Dom wannabe wouldn’t commit

enough for Lim. Thank God! And Curtis grew tired of always topping. I

never did see how those two devout bottoms ever got together in the first

place. Curtis was as flamboyant as I was, if not more so. Maybe Lim

thought he would be versatile like me, since that was what Lim was used

to. There was a wakeup call for my muscular friend.

The bell over the door pulled me from my morose thoughts, and I was

soon too busy to think about Lim or his status in my life.

CHAPTER THREE

By the time I got home, I was in agony. I didn’t want to take any pain

medication while at the store. I was so glad the next day was Sunday, my

only day off, and that Lauren had left on assignment that morning. I didn’t

need her fussing over me like a mother hen. Before I even shucked off

any clothes, I dry swallowed two pain pills and plopped down on the

sofa to wait for them to take effect. I woke up to a dark room and a crick

in my neck. I pulled out my cell phone and flipped it open to see it was

just ten o’clock. I’d only dozed off for two hours. Leaning over, I turned

on the light by the couch and nearly jumped out of my skin when there

was a knock on the door.

I knew it wouldn’t be Lim, because he has a key and just comes in,

sometimes to my acute irritation. “Be right there!” I yelled toward the

door then made my slow way off the couch to answer a second knock.

“Jesus, give me a minute!” I growled loudly. When I opened the door

and saw the man standing there, I had to consciously shut my mouth. He

was gorgeous! I could feel the heat of a blush, cursing my pale skin, from

ogling the man. I cleared my suddenly dry throat. “Can I help you?”

“Um, yeah. I’m sorry to bother you so late, but I’ve locked myself out

of my apartment and my cell phone is in there. I was wondering if I could

borrow your phone to call my brother.”

The guy had pointed at an apartment across the balcony and two doors

down, and I wondered how the hell I’d not noticed him before. He was

stunning in that model or actor sort of way. Perfectly smooth golden skin

with a light smattering of dark stubble on a defined jaw. Large pale blue

eyes surrounded by long dark lashes under perfectly arched eyebrows.

His thick, silky dark brown hair made my fingers itch to run through

those tresses.

I’d never been this attracted to another guy since meeting Lim. It made

me wonder if I just might be able to get Lim out of my system, though that

had never happened in the years we’d known each other. Then again, I’d

never tried before either, always waiting for Lim to notice me as more

than his substitute fuck between boyfriends. I honestly didn’t want Lim to

know he was the only guy I’d ever slept with. Even my sister didn’t

know that, and she had a way of getting everything out of me she wanted

to know. She knew about Lim, but kindly never pushed the issue. The

looks full of pity did get a bit old sometimes.

“Uh, sure, sure. Come in.” I watched as the guy brushed by me and

lost my balance when I swiveled around to catch a look at his ass. I

suddenly found very strong arms around me, catching me as I almost fell,

and holding me up. My breath caught at the hard muscles of his chest

where my face was currently smashed. I jerked away in embarrassment,

and he slowly eased his grip on me.

“You okay?”

I nodded, unable to speak at the moment. To my complete

astonishment, my body had reacted to the embrace, and I just wanted the

guy to make his phone call and leave. I pushed away from him, though

not hard, and he let go. I leaned against the wall, concentrating on getting

my crutches situated. “The phone is right there on the kitchen counter.” I

didn’t even bother looking up, I was so humiliated and trying desperately

to keep the man from seeing what that brief contact had done to me. No

need to piss off the neighbor, and have to move or get police escort.

“Thanks.”

I nodded, still keeping my gaze down. I managed to get the crutches

under my arms and awkwardly made my way back to the couch before

dropping down with a huff. At least this way, I could grab the afghan off

the back of the couch and cover my lap, which I did as soon as my butt

hit the cushion.

“I’m sorry, Kerry, what do you want from me? It was an accident. No,

I do not need a keeper! Just, can you come or not? I’m borrowing a

neighbor’s phone and really need to get out of his hair. Yes…yes…no. I

know, Kerry, it won’t happen again. No, it won’t!”

I finally looked up when I heard the phone being hung up with a little

more force than necessary, not that I was going to tell the guy to take it

easy on the technology. He’d obviously just got the riot act from his

brother. I didn’t want to add to the drama. His shoulders were slumped,

and he looked really weary, almost depressed. I could relate.

“He coming?” I didn’t want to assume but figured the brother was on

his way. The blush that crept up the guy’s neck to his cheeks made my

heart pound, very dirty thoughts suddenly invading my mind. Like, does

that flush happen when he is aroused and how far down that magnificent

body does it go? And do those impossibly light blue eyes darken with

desire? I mentally shook my head. The guy probably wasn’t even gay. I

didn’t know him. Never seen him before. Then it hit me what I said and

my own blush heated my face. I almost groaned out loud, but caught it

just in time. I tried to concentrate on the throbbing my foot was doing,

even if my dick was throbbing in time with it.

Christ almighty!

“Uh, yeah…um, he’s on his way, but he lives in Rainport and that’s

nearly an hour and a half away.”

Oh man, was I going to have to sit here and stare at this gorgeous god

for that long? Well, I couldn’t very well kick him out to wait by his door,

not since the apartment doors faced an exposed balcony surrounding a

courtyard, and it was very cold outside. There was the smell of snow in

the air and no shelter except for in the rental office, and it was closed.

No, I couldn’t do that, couldn’t expect to leave him to such extreme

elements for an hour and a half. At least that was what I told myself. It

had nothing to do with the guy being easy on the eyes. No it really didn’t.

I was such a fool.

“Okay, you can have a seat while you wait I’m Lake, by the way.” I

would have offered my hand to shake, but I was not going to attempt

getting up off the couch again. As it was, I was going to have to make my

way to the bathroom for my pain pills before my foot started hurting

more than I could handle. I would just as soon do that after the guy left

the apartment.

“Oh, uh, sure, I guess. You don’t mind if I wait for him here?”

CHAPTER FOUR

I shook my head, trying not to be irritated at the guy’s hesitation. I

mean, really? When you look like that, you should be confident and in

control and…and…well, not acting like a total dweeb. The irritation

fled the moment the guy started walking toward me. I’d never seen

anyone with such a loose, predatory gait as this guy, not even Lim. Well,

yeah, Lim had that same rolling move to his hips when he walked. Must

be a fetish of mine…or something. What surprised me into a gasp,

though, was he sat down right next to me. I’d thought he’d take one of the

armchairs or the love seat, but no, he sat down just a couple of inches

from me and smiled.

Ah hell!

Dimples popped out, and to my complete humiliation, I gasped again.

What the fuck was wrong with me? He was a neighbor, most likely a

straight neighbor. He just needed my phone and a place to wait. Nothing

was going to happen. Trying desperately not to blush any more than I

already had, I looked down to see he was holding his hand out.

“My name is Brecken Dunn. Most everyone calls me Breck. Nice to

meet you, Lake.”

I took the g—Breck’s hand and gave it a quick shake, since the

electricity that coursed through my palm was too much to take. When I

looked back up at him, Breck’s expression was puzzled, and he was

staring at his own hand as if it were an alien thing that fascinated him. I

wondered what was going on when he looked back up at me and smiled

again.

“I’ve never had that happen before. Your hand has sparks. That felt

really good. Can I shake your hand again?”

What the hell? “Um, maybe later, okay?” Well, it appeared I had a guy

in my apartment who was a few cans short of a six-pack. I almost rolled

my eyes. I finally get attracted to a guy who isn’t Lim, and he turns out

to be crazy. Go me.

“Promise?”

I didn’t even know what to think of that question and just nodded my

head. Breck’s smile ratcheted up to a grin, and my stomach flipped. God,

he was so pretty. The blush I was holding at bay reappeared with a

vengeance when Breck’s gaze did a blatant up-down on me, pausing at

my groin, but then landing squarely on the cast surrounding my foot. The

smile fell, and a crease dented his smooth forehead.

“What happened? How did you get hurt?”

He looked back up at me, waiting for an explanation. “I had a heavy

box fall on my foot and break it.”

“Why’d you do that?”

I felt my eyebrows go up to my hairline at that question. “Um, it was

an accident. I didn’t mean to do it on purpose.” I tried really, really hard

not to let any sarcasm into my voice, but it appeared Breck wouldn’t

have noticed anyway.

“I’m sorry.”

Really? The guy was sorry? He looked devastated too, which made

absolutely no sense to me at all. “Um, it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. I

didn’t even know you when it happened.” Breck’s smile reappeared, and

my stomach flipped again.

“But you know me now. We’re not strangers anymore, and I like you.”

I just stared at him. What was I supposed to say to that?

“Um, Lake? Can I use your bathroom? I was waiting a really long time

outside before I knocked on your door.”

“Yeah, sure. It’s the first door on the left.” I pointed down the hall.

“I know. Just like my apartment.”

Again, I had nothing to say to that. I didn’t know what to make of

Breck. One minute he was talking as if he were a five-year-old, the next,

like an articulate adult. And he was certainly an adult as I watched that

fine ass walk down my hallway. Then I felt like a pervert for some

reason. He came back after a few minutes and started looking around the

apartment.

“Who lives with you? Is it your wife?”

The question startled me, and I glanced around, realizing that Lauren’s

touch was everywhere. It was her apartment, after all. I only lived here

for now and all my stuff was in my bedroom. “No, my sister.”

“Oh good. I didn’t want you to have a wife.”

Now, I’m usually a talker, but Breck had me tongue-tied with

everything that came out of his mouth. He had me so confused with his

blunt comments that I wasn’t sure what to do or say. I was beginning to

hope his brother showed up soon. I didn’t know how to respond to this

beautiful man. I did figure it wouldn’t hurt to ask why he didn’t want me

to have a wife, so I did.

“Because. I like you, and I couldn’t like you if you had a wife. That

would be wrong. Kerry says I can’t like guys that have wives or

girlfriends. That means they are straight and only like women and not

men. I like men even if my mom and dad say it’s wrong. Kerry doesn’t

say it’s wrong, and he’s very smart. He’s a lawyer, so I know what he

says is true even if he treats me like a little kid sometimes.”

Okay, this just got really weird, even if the knowledge that Breck was

gay made my heart beat a little faster and my cock twitch. There was no

way I could pursue anything with someone so simple-minded. He just

reminded me too much of a child.

“You don’t like being treated like a little kid?” What the hell made me

ask that question I have no idea. Maybe to alleviate my guilt at being

attracted to Breck?

“Of course not. I’m a full-grown man. I live in my own apartment. I

have my own job. I even have a driver’s license. I used to have a

boyfriend who I had sex with, but he left two days ago.”

I watched as the expression on Breck’s face turned dark and sad. I

suddenly wanted to comfort the man something fierce and pushed my

hands under my thighs to keep from reaching for him. That would not be

a good move to make. Breck dropped on the couch next to me, and to my

horror, tears were making those blue eyes shiny.

Ah fuck!

“He…Donnie, my boyfriend…he called me names. Names like retard

and stupid and idiot. I’m not. My IQ is higher than his. It’s even higher

than Kerry’s, and he’s the smartest man I know. Kerry doesn’t think I’m

any of those things. He says I just think differently than other people, but

that doesn’t make me stupid. And I’m not a little kid. Little kids aren’t

twenty-seven years old with a college education, right?”

When Breck looked at me, I’m sure my surprise showed on my face,

and the tears that had welled in his eyes fell. Unable to help myself, I

leaned forward and used my thumbs to wipe them away. I almost yelped

when Breck leaned forward and kissed me. And Jesus have mercy, but

that man could kiss! Without even thinking, most likely because my brain

had shorted out, I melted right into that hot mouth and that hard body. I

felt Breck’s arms go around me, drawing me close, but it didn’t register

enough for me to protest or pull back. I’d only ever kissed Lim, a girl

back when I was about thirteen, and a couple of other boys. No one had

ever…owned…my mouth the way Breck did, though he didn’t quite

measure up to Lim’s kisses, but close enough to have my body

responding with enthusiasm.

My heart was beating so hard, I could hear the pounding in my head.

Then, as Breck gentled the kiss and the pounding didn’t go away, I

realized it was someone at my door. I jerked, trying to get loose from

Breck’s embrace, but he squeezed, latched on to the skin between my

neck and shoulder, and sucked up a mark. I groaned low in my throat,

unable to stop it. He then pulled back and let me go, staring at the hickey

he’d left behind with the most self-satisfied smug expression on his face

I’d ever seen. Embarrassed at my reaction, I struggled to get up to

answer the door. The crutches got caught on the coffee table, and I

cursed under my breath.

“I’ll be right there!” I yelled, not even risking a look at Breck.

“I’ll get it for you.”

I started to protest, but he was already in the hall before I could.

“Hey, Kerry. Thanks for coming. Got my key?”

I waited for Breck’s brother to come in but heard the door close, and

only Breck came back. “Where’s your brother?” I watched as Breck

ducked his head, that adorable blush traveling up his face again.

“I wouldn’t let him in.”

That didn’t make any sense to me. “Why not?” Breck lifted one

shoulder but didn’t answer me. I sighed and fiddled with the afghan in

my lap. “Okay, are you going now?”

He nodded quickly, swiveled around, and was gone before I could

even say good-bye. I sat on my couch, wondering what the hell had

happened. I must have sat there for a long time, because when I became

aware again, my foot was throbbing painfully again. I struggled up and

made my slow way to the front door to lock it then to the bathroom to

swallow another pain pill with some water from the bathroom sink.

I managed to make my way to my bed and shucked off my clothes

before lying down to stare at the ceiling. My clock said it was after

midnight, nearly one a.m., and I knew I needed to go to sleep because,

despite not having to open the store tomorrow, I would still be up early.

It was a long time before I fell asleep, the whole time remembering that

kiss from a simple man on my couch. It was the first time in my life that

Lim didn’t dominate my thoughts.

CHAPTER FIVE

Three days later, I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Breck and had been

fielding calls from Lim to my voice mail. I didn’t feel like talking to him,

the hurt too close to the surface. He’d called several times every day and

apparently had called Lauren too, because she gave me the third degree

last night when she got back from her assignment. I ignored her

questions, much to her irritation. For once, I kept my mouth shut,

unwilling to spew all the confusion in my head. With my emotions

running high because of Lim and his new lover and that kiss from Breck,

I wasn’t in the mood to talk, much less socialize, even if it was just my

sister.

I looked up when the doorbell chimed and dropped my head into my

hands with a groan. Of course, he would come by when he didn’t hear

from me.

“What the fuck, Lake?”

Taking a calming breath, I looked back up to see Lim standing there

with his hands on his hips and a dark scowl I’d never seen directed at

me.

“What do you want, Lim?” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my

voice no matter how hard I tried. I’d just grown tired of being pushed to

the side and needed to protect what was left of my heart as much as I

could. It was going to hurt more than I wanted to admit when Lim finally

cast me aside for good.

“What’s with the avoidance? And the attitude?”

He was clueless as always, and I was in no mood to deal with it. “I

don’t know what you’re talking about, Lim.” It didn’t matter that we’d

been friends for years. It was a friendship based on hope I no longer had.

Hope that, someday, Lim would open his eyes and see what was right in

front of him. Oh, it was still there, but I denied it, believing it would hurt

less if I did.

“Really? You send my calls to voice mail. You don’t call me back, so

I’m worried. I come here to see if you’re okay, and you get all snippy

with me. What’s your damage?”

Anger surged, but I suppressed it. It was useless anyway. Lim was

never going to get that I had to back away, that his constant lovers were

going to be the death of me. The doorbell chimed again, and I looked to

see one very hot neighbor coming toward me.

“Lake!”

I didn’t even have a chance to say anything before Breck was leaning

across the counter, grabbing my shirt gently, pulling me forward, and

planting a kiss on my lips. Oh God, I started melting in seconds just as he

pulled away and gave a tender caress to my cheek.

“I’ve missed you.”

The low, intimate comment went straight to my cock, and I closed my

eyes, trying to get myself under control. That Breck would show up, with

Lim right there, and kiss me in front of him… Well, I was floored and at

a loss on what to do. I chanced a peek at Lim’s face and almost laughed

out loud to see honest jealousy in his expression. Really? That took

balls! I smirked at him and then turned to Breck when he took my hand.

“Lake, I wanted to know if you would like to go out to dinner with me

tonight.”

Wow, I hadn’t been asked out on a date since…never. “That would be

nice, Breck, but with this cast, it might make things a bit difficult.”

I actually found myself wanting to go out with the man. I thought about

my motives, wondering if it was just revenge against Lim, but found that

wasn’t why. I honestly liked Breck and was certainly attracted to him.

There was no doubt about that as I felt my cock pushing against my

zipper.

“Hmm, you know…how about you come to my place and I’ll cook

dinner for you instead? Would that be easier?”

God… Breck knew just what to say. I chanced another glance at Lim

to see his reaction and nearly doubled over with the giggles. He looked

like steam was going to come out of his ears. I’d never seen his face that

shade of red before. For that matter, I don’t recall ever seeing Lim as

angry as he was right then.

“What the hell, Lake?”

I turned to face him and raised an eyebrow. “What, Lim? Am I not

allowed to be asked out?” I was curious as hell about what he’d say to

that. I mean, he had lovers, boyfriends. He went out. Was I not allowed

to have a life too? I felt Breck running a hand up and down my arm, but

didn’t risk looking at him. Lim was the love of my life, for years. I didn’t

want to look at Breck and have him see my feelings, didn’t want to look

at him and wonder if I would forget Lim was even there by drowning in

Breck’s big blue eyes.

“Well, sure. I mean, of course…” He stuttered to a stop, and I had to

turn away because the anger in his face suddenly morphed into an infinite

sadness. Something I couldn’t fathom until it hit me. He was letting me

go. He might have thought I was his all these years. His backup, his rock,

his steady fuck whenever he wasn’t dating someone else, and he just

figured out it wasn’t true anymore.

“Okay, Lake. I’ll come collect you at seven. Will that work for you?”

It amazed me that Breck ignored Lim like he wasn’t even there. I

didn’t know how to feel about that, but let it go for now. “Sure, Breck,

that would be fine. I’ll close up shop here a bit early so I can meet you.”

When I looked over again, Lim was gone. A sharp pain bloomed in my

chest. By accepting Breck’s invitation in front of Lim, I had probably

lost him for good. I tried to tell myself that was a good thing. I needed to

move on, because Lim was never going to love me like I loved him. And

Breck didn’t deserve part of my attention; he deserved all of it. Whether

I was going to be able to follow through on that, I wasn’t sure.

CHAPTER SIX

Three weeks. Three weeks of dating Breck with no sign of Lim. I

didn’t call him. He didn’t call me. Lauren hadn’t heard from him either.

It hurt. As much as I liked Breck, cared for him, there just wasn’t the

connection I’d hoped for. Lust? Absolutely, though we’d yet to have sex.

Seems Breck wanted to “go slow” with me. I wasn’t sure why he did, he

never actually gave me a reason, but I didn’t push for anything more

intimate. I wasn’t sure I could sleep with the man. My dick certainly

thought otherwise, but I wasn’t ruled by my little head, but by my heart.

Always had been. I was an emotional guy and wasn’t a bit ashamed of

that, despite the negativity I’d been subjected to when I was younger. I

would not apologize for who I was. And who I was, was a man in love

with someone who didn’t want me back, no matter how much it hurt.

Tonight, it was my turn to cook, and Breck was bringing dessert. Just

as I put the casserole in the oven, there was a knock on my door. I had

been transferred to one of those walking casts, so I made my slow way to

the door. When I opened it, expecting to see Breck, though he was early,

I was surprised to see a stranger standing there. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Lake? Lake Daugherty?”

“Yes. Who are you?”

“My name’s Kerry Dunn. I’m Breck’s brother.”

“Oh, come in.” I wasn’t sure why Breck’s brother would show up on

my doorstep without invitation, but was curious why he was here. I

waved him to the living room. “I’ll be right back. Just let me turn the heat

down on the vegetables.”

I returned to see Kerry still standing, looking around nervously. “Go

ahead and have a seat. What can I do for you?”

“Um, I’ll just get right to the point. I’m sure you’ve noticed my brother

is a bit…different.”

He paused, and I just nodded. What was I going to say? Yes, I knew

Breck was different. Slow in some areas, wicked fast in others. He was

extremely bright, there was no denying that after the talks we’d had…

sometimes until the wee hours of the morning. But emotionally, he was

deep and philosophical and very…naïve. Yes, almost childlike, though

there was nothing juvenile about him. He was all man. I’d experienced

the kisses and felt the erections. I mean, biologically, he was two years

older than me.

I watched as Kerry’s lips thinned in a determined line.

“I need you to stop seeing him.”

Okay, that was blunt. “Why is that? And what business is it of yours

anyway?” I remember Breck’s side of the conversation the night I met

him and the comments he said afterward. He hated his brother treating

him like a kid. I could understand that, though Lauren had never treated

me that way. My sister adored me, even if I enjoyed riling her up on

occasion. She never treated me as if I was unable to take care of myself,

or couldn’t make my own decisions.

“It’s my business because I have legal custody of him.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. He’s twenty-seven years old. He

doesn’t need a keeper.” I let that slip out, raising an eyebrow at this man.

Kerry Dunn had the grace to blush, obviously embarrassed, but he lifted

his head higher, his chin jutting out.

“You don’t know my brother. Except for Donnie, every boyfriend he’s

had has left him for one reason or another, and every time Breck has

tried to kill himself. Have you not noticed the scars on his wrists? He

may not seem like it now, but my big brother is fragile. When he gets

attached to someone, he puts everything into it, and if it ends, or

especially ends badly, he can’t handle the pain. I think the only reason he

didn’t try anything after Donnie was because he met you so quickly after

Donnie left.”

I was reeling and trying to wrap my head around what Kerry was

saying. I sat heavily on the couch. I was surprised that Kerry was

Breck’s younger brother. Breck always talked like Kerry was the older

one. And I had no clue about any suicide attempts. No, I hadn’t noticed

any scars, because we weren’t that involved yet. And it was winter, so

I’d only ever seen Breck in long-sleeved shirts and sweaters. My

stomach churned at the revelations. I did not want to ever be the reason

Breck might actually succeed in such an attempt, especially since I didn’t

see this relationship as long-term. I loved another, unattainable as he

might be. I cared about Breck, without a doubt, maybe even loved him,

but I was not in love with him.

“Look, I know you have a date with him tonight. Act normal, don’t let

on that I’ve talked to you. Breck’s coming home with me this weekend so

he can go with us to take my son to see Santa Claus. He never misses

that. I plan on talking to him and convincing him to move back into my

home, where Sheila and I can keep an eye on him. If we keep him

occupied, he will get over you. Maybe that sounds harsh, but it’s best for

my brother.”

I nodded. What else could I do? I didn’t want anything happening to

Breck. “Yeah, okay. I understand.” This hurt too. Seemed I was just not

destined to find anyone who actually wanted me—that didn’t have

baggage anyway. “You might want to get going, Breck should be here

any minute.” I sighed as I walked Kerry out and shut the door behind

him. What a nightmare.

Ten minutes later, another knock on my door, this one in the rat-a-tat-

tat that had become so familiar in the last few weeks. I answered

quickly, plastering a smile on my face and hoping to God that Breck’s

sharp perception didn’t notice how fake it looked.

“Hey, babe.”

His greeting was always the same, a “Hey, babe” and a very thorough

kiss, up against the wall, with a little grinding and a lot of caressing.

Honestly, the man was killing me. I’d wanted to have sex with him for

the last week, having convinced myself that, just maybe, sleeping with

Breck might help me get over Lim. But Breck always gently declined,

telling me the wait would make it worth it. Therefore, I was a bit

shocked when his hands got a little busier than usual and I found my

pants undone and his warm palm wrapped around my cock, which was

filling very fast at the direct stimulation. I groaned into Breck’s mouth,

clutching his shirt as he stroked me.

The next thing I knew, the back of my knees hit the side of my bed and

I bounced down onto the mattress, Breck’s bigger body covering mine,

the kiss never breaking. I didn’t even remember moving. Before I could

protest, Breck had my shirt off and my pants and briefs around my

ankles, his own pants open and was rubbing his considerable erection

against mine, even as he flicked my nipple ring with his tongue, making

me groan and arch up. The friction was superb and my mind went blank,

focusing only on the sensations coursing through my body at Breck’s

manhandling. Breck leaned up, continuing to rock forcefully into my

groin and lipping around the stud in my earlobe. He whispered in a low,

sensual voice, just before licking along the shell of my ear and making

me shiver uncontrollably.

“Let me in, Lake. I want in, want to make you feel so good. Want to

feel your hot body surrounding mine. Want to fill you up, make you

mine.”

Oh holy fuck, dirty talk was always my downfall. Nothing made me

hotter. I’d lost my breath at the first words out of that sweet mouth and

just nodded, groaning and thrusting up hard into Breck’s groin. He didn’t

even bother asking about lube and condoms, pulling both out of his pants

pocket before standing up long enough to get rid of the rest of his clothes

and jacket. My mind probably would have cleared some once he wasn’t

right on top of me, but the sight of Breck without clothes was…God. I

didn’t even know how to describe all that beauty. Long lean body, with

golden skin from top to bottom, muscles that flexed but weren’t bulky,

and a cock that was also long and lean and hard enough to bump against

Breck’s flat stomach, the purple flushed head leaking and leaving a trail

of wetness behind. My mouth watered, and I sat up, intending to take that

lovely shaft into my mouth.

I didn’t get a chance, because Breck had grabbed my legs, flipped me

onto my back, and pulled my ass to the edge of the bed. He struggled a

bit getting my pants the rest of the way off over the bulky boot cast, but

managed, tossing my pants and briefs over his shoulder behind him.

Within moments he had lube on his fingers and was gently circling my

hole, making me tremble and groan. Lim didn’t top, so this was new to

me. I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on Breck, and didn’t really

have the capacity to talk anyway, so I was thankful that Breck obviously

knew what he was doing.

“God, you are so tight. When was the last time, Lake?”

Christ, he would have to ask, damn it! I didn’t want to lie, but didn’t

want to admit to a virgin ass either.

“How long, babe?”

Anxiety started to creep in, my heart beginning to pound from panic,

and I felt my arousal waning. I shook my head, trying to clear the lust.

We shouldn’t be doing this. I’d always wanted Lim to take me. I’d just

never been able to talk him into it. I sat up and pushed Breck away,

grabbing my briefs and jeans, and headed for the bathroom. I needed

some space, time to get my head and my heart on the same page—if that

were even possible. Breck tried to follow me, but I closed the bathroom

door and locked it.

“What’s going on, Lake? What did I do wrong?”

Oh God, he thought this was his fault! I couldn’t let that happen, even

if I had to lie. His brother’s words echoed in my head. Fuck! I hurried

into my clothes and burst from the bathroom. Breck was standing there, a

very hurt and confused expression on his face. I stepped forward and

circled him with my arms, hugging him tightly to me.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Breck. I’m just not ready to bottom,

okay? I’m just not ready.” I wasn’t sure what else to say but held in a

sigh of relief when his arms came around me.

“It’s okay, Lake. I wouldn’t have hurt you, but if you’re not ready,

that’s fine. We don’t have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with, all

right?”

I nodded into his shoulder, thankful that my ruse had worked and he

hadn’t suggested I top him. I just couldn’t do it—for my own selfish

reasons and for Breck. If his brother was going to convince him to stay in

Rainport, then having sex with me was the last thing Breck needed. It

was a whole lot harder to get over someone you’d been intimate with. I

should know. I hadn’t managed it yet.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Breck was gone. Kerry had come to pick him up about an hour ago. Of

course, he’d come to say bye to me, had tried to talk me into coming with

him, which I declined, using my store as a reason, which was actually

true. He’d hugged me, kissed me, and told me he’d see me in a couple of

days. I just nodded, staying silent, not sure what would come out of my

mouth. He’d taken it as me being sad he was leaving. That was okay.

A couple of weeks later, it seemed Kerry was able to talk Breck into

staying, because I saw the movers yesterday emptying his apartment. I’d

felt a pang of hurt, and loneliness. Breck was gone, Lim was gone, and

Lauren was so busy, I hardly ever saw her. My life consisted of work

and nothing else. The cast had come off finally. I was back to walking

normally and the shop was doing well. I guess I should have been happy,

but I wasn’t. I was lonely.

“Sweetie, you should just get out there. It looks as if he’s not going to

see you anymore. You need to move on, get over this crush you’ve had

on him for so long.”

I growled and threw a dish towel at Lauren. “You know damn well

it’s not a crush. I’ve been in love with that man since I was fourteen.”

She knew that, and it irked me that she would so casually say such things.

No telling what she would have thought of Breck. I’d never introduced

them, not wanting any kind of opinion from Lauren. Breck and I had spent

our time together at his apartment when she was home.

“I know Lake, but he doesn’t love you. He never has, at least not in the

way you need. You should find someone who is going to love you back,

not pine for a man who won’t.”

God, that hurt. A sharp pain that sliced right through the middle of my

chest and made my stomach cramp. I’d never gone this long without

seeing Lim. He was always coming around, even when he was with Noel

he’d stop by the shop, or come by the apartment just to say hi. Even when

I was being a prick to him because of the hurt, he still came around. But

he’d never witnessed another man want me. Never saw me date anyone

else or want anyone else. Maybe that was what finally ended our

friendship. I got abandoned by my best friend because someone else

wanted me when he didn’t.

“I’m going to bed.” I sighed and draped the towel Lauren had thrown

back at me over the oven handle, turned out the stove light, and headed

for my room.

“Oh no the fuck you don’t!”

I got grabbed and swung around, Lauren glaring at me. I was shocked

enough by her display of anger to gape. She’d never been assertive like

this with me, always just going with whatever I said, more distracted

than really paying attention. She also didn’t usually cuss. Both of us had

that hammered into us by our parents, and it was more a habit than

anything since I’d lost all respect for them when they threw me out. In my

head? Yeah, plenty of cussing, just not out loud.

“Lauren!”

“You listen up. I’m not having my baby brother wallowing in misery

in his room while the rest of the world passes him by. It’s not happening,

do you hear me? You will learn to live without William Cohen if it kills

me.”

I didn’t bother to tell her it would be me it killed, not her. She glanced

at her watch, never taking her other hand from my arm. I knew it was still

early, but I was tired and just wanted to go to bed.

“This is what we’re going to do. You, dearest brother, are going to go

put on some sexy clubbing clothes, then you and I are going to hit a few

of the gay bars. And I don’t want an argument from you.”

My chin dropped at her suggestion. Lauren? In a gay bar? Surrounded

by a bunch of half-naked, gyrating gay men? Hell, I wanted to go just to

see that! Forget finding anyone, especially since I never did do one-night

stands, but to see my big sister in that situation, it would be so worth it.

“Okay.”

Lauren blinked at me, and then blinked again before letting go of my

arm.

“Yeah, okay…okay. Go get dressed.”

I almost laughed, because I think I shocked her with my easy

acceptance. Turning, I went to my room and did exactly what she said. I

put on my sexiest clothes, which consisted of skin-tight black leather

pants that left nothing to the imagination, a teal-blue mesh shirt that let

my nipple ring show and black boots I hadn’t worn since Lim and I used

to go clubbing. I then went and styled my hair, put some electric-blue guy

liner on and some pale, pale pink lip gloss. I donned my bracelets I

hadn’t worn in forever, jangling them around my thin wrists. I already

had my studs in my ears and a few rings on my fingers, jewelry I wasn’t

willing to give up even though I had matured since my clubbing days and

only wore them occasionally when going out.

I studied myself in the full-length mirror on the back of my closet door

and had to concede I looked hot. The guy liner made my brown eyes

luminescent, bringing out the lighter amber in the middle of them, and the

gel in my short hair kept the blond locks where they needed to be. Oh

yeah, if I’d wanted to be cruising, I’d have no trouble finding plenty of

meat. I so still knew how to flame and was just young enough to still be

considered a hot twink. Too bad I was in love with someone who didn’t

want me.

CHAPTER EIGHT

I was sweaty and shirtless but terribly amused at watching my sister

grind with a couple of leather daddies on the dance floor. I’d had hands

and groins and asses all over me tonight and had to admit I was having

fun. It had been forever since I’d gone out and just let loose, not caring

about money, my shop, or my love life. The music was blasting, and my

throat was sore from yelling and singing.

Caught up in the pounding bass, I closed my eyes, letting the music

take me away again. I felt hands on my hips and, without looking, arched

my back, shoving my ass into the hot groin behind me. Lifting my arms, I

wrapped them around the neck of the unknown man behind me and

swayed and rocked and danced. As the music switched to another song, I

cracked my eyes open to see Lauren dancing nearby, her eyes wide as

she stared at me. Puzzled, I tried to turn to see who had a hold of me, but

he circled his arms around my torso and kept me facing forward even as

he plastered his hard body to my back.

Giving a mental shrug, I kept dancing, reveling in the sweat that

poured down my back, neck, face, and chest. I loved dancing. Lim and I

had gone many, many times in years past, until he started dating

seriously. My chest constricted for a moment, but I determinedly forced

the thoughts away. I would not allow Lim’s absence to ruin my fun

tonight. Eventually, the song changed again, and I felt a slight coolness as

the man behind me disappeared, but not before placing a very intimate

and sensual kiss on the nape of my neck. I swiveled quickly but only

caught a couple of men walking away from me. Not knowing which one

had danced with me, I stopped thinking about it and made my way to the

bar. I was parched.

One song later, Lauren came up to me, her grin wide, her face flushed,

and her dark brown hair dripping. She was having a good time too, and I

was glad. It was hilarious watching her with the gay men and surprising

too as she touched without inhibitions. It never occurred to me to think

about my older sister’s love life. Had she dated? Did she have someone

special? Always caught up in my own life and drama, I’d been neglectful

of her. She was shaking her head at me and I wondered why so I scooted

up close so she could hear me over the music.

“What’s going on?” I yelled.

“Oh, nothing. I’m surprised is all.”

“Surprised about what?”

Lauren was rock solid; nothing much fazing her. I was curious what

could have her surprised.

“Nothing, Lake. Are you having a good time?”

I nodded, my voice even more hoarse. This was the fourth club we’d

been to, but I wasn’t tired, adrenaline coursing through me. I still wanted

to dance and drink. “Come on, dance with me!” I grabbed her hand and

dragged her out to the dance floor. It didn’t take long for her to be

whisked away from me, the men having a grand time including my sister

in their sexually charged antics. I laughed and kept on dancing.

A couple of hours later, Lauren told me she was going home. She had

work tomorrow and needed to get some sleep. We’d taken a cab, so she

wouldn’t be driving. I nodded, gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug,

and let her go. The speculative look on her face and quick glance past me

didn’t even register to my alcohol-fogged brain.

I was mildly surprised when the club seemed to have emptied

somewhat. There was more room on the dance floor, less in the darkened

corners. Guys were hooking up left and right as it got late, and I was

starting to think it was time for me to go. Just as the song changed to a

slow one, I turned to go back to the bar. I couldn’t even remember how

many drinks I’d gone through, and the buzz I had going made me a bit

wobbly. I’d not gotten this drunk in ages. A fleeting thought occurred to

me that being here alone and drunk might not be a very good idea, but

then a hand grabbed me and twisted me around, strong arms pulling me

close to a hard chest. Fingers delved into my sweat-soaked hair, holding

my head against a neck, and we started swaying to the low beat.

Tired and comfortable, I leaned against the bigger man, wrapping my

arms around his trim waist and resting my hands on his ass. I was content

to just swing slowly to his rhythm. I was half asleep when the song

ended, and tried to lift my head. The stranger used both hands to hold my

face still and kissed me. My heart started pounding—I knew that kiss!

There was no one who kissed like him. I slowly opened my eyes to see

Lim’s emerald-green, troubled eyes watching me, even as he deepened

the kiss, one arm dropping to pull me close.

Rage threatened to choke me, and I tried to push him away, but he only

tightened his hold. I bit down on his lower lip, and he jerked back, a

bead of blood welling onto the swollen flesh. He licked it away, his

expression never changing. I started struggling, trying to get out of his

embrace, but he always had been a lot stronger than me.

“Let go of me!” That my words were slurred didn’t bother me one bit.

I wanted him to leave me alone. He’d abandoned me, didn’t want me,

didn’t love me. He could go to hell as far as I was concerned. Even

being near him sliced agony through my chest, my heart shredding once

again.

I was obviously creating a scene, and the bouncer came up to us. I

opened my mouth to let the man know Lim was bothering me, but was too

slow.

“Sorry, Bud. He’s had a little too much to drink. I’ll take him home.”

I watched in horror as the bouncer nodded, clapped Lim on the

shoulder, and walked away. I started struggling again; trying to get my

arms between us so I could shove him away. What ended up happening

was me being lifted and slung over Lim’s hard shoulder and a pretty

hefty slap on the ass. Damn, that stung! It also gave me an instant hard-

on.

“Stop wiggling. I’ll get you home.”

“The fuck you will. I can get myself home. Don’t need you. Never…

don’t…put me down!”

My intoxicated brain was scattered as my love for the man tried to

assert itself over the anger and hurt that he didn’t care about me anymore,

or at least the way I wanted him to. Even as I kicked out and pummeled

his back with my fists, my confusion was growing. What was he doing

here? Where was his latest whore? Why wouldn’t he put me down? By

the time we reached the sidewalk outside, I’d run out of energy and

slumped against his shoulder, the bone digging into my middle. I

shivered in the cold, the cooling sweat creating goose bumps all over my

skin. Lim slowly let me down, never letting go; making my body drag the

length of his before my feet hit the ground. I could feel every muscle,

every hard plane and dip as I slid down his body.

God.

“I’ll get you home safe.”

He whispered that, his stubble-covered cheek rasping against mine as

he nuzzled into my neck. I was confused. I didn’t understand where the

affection was coming from. He had—Andre—he didn’t need me, didn’t

want me. He was never going to love me back. “Why are you here?” It

was all I could come up with to ask. He started pulling my shirt on over

my head before answering.

“I was out. Saw you at Cords and followed you here.”

“But why?” My shirt didn’t do a thing for the chill, and I started

shivering, not even Lim’s arms around me keeping me warm.

“Because…ah hell, Lake, I can’t explain it. Not right now. Not when

you can barely hold yourself up.”

Indignant, I pushed against him again, and this time he let go. I

stumbled and would have fallen right on my ass if Lim hadn’t grabbed

me again and kept me upright.

“See? Let me get you home.”

CHAPTER NINE

Oh dear God, my head was going to fall off, I just knew it. My eyes

were going to burn out of their sockets, my throat was going to close up,

and I was going to suffocate and die. Hurry the fuck up already! That

was about the time my stomach decided to revolt, and I lurched from the

bed. I ran in what I thought was the direction of my bathroom and hit

solid wall. The pain in my head increased and my stomach was now past

revolting and about ready for full on mutiny. Slapping the wall, unwilling

to open my crusty eyes, I finally found the door to the bathroom, which

ended up much farther down than it should have been. No time to think

about that as I lunged for the toilet.

After emptying what little was in my stomach, and dry heaving for

what felt like eternity, I thought about yelling for Lauren. But even the

tiny whimper that escaped me from the pain in my head had sounded like

a sonic boom. When the water in the sink turned on, I whimpered again

and then sighed silently as a cool, wet washcloth was laid across the

back of my neck. I slumped down to the tile floor, adding the coolness I

found there to my burning cheek.

I must have lain there for a while, because I suddenly realized I was

cold—and naked. Oh hell, Lauren saw all my bits? I attempted to push

myself into a sitting position and managed after the third try. I opened my

eyes in a squint against the brightness and pulled a towel down from the

rack. It was soft and big, and I laid it across my naked lap. Taking a

breath and holding it, I opened my eyes farther and then let the breath I

was holding out in surprise when I realized I wasn’t in my own

bathroom. Oh no! I tried to think back. I remembered going out with

Lauren. Dancing…lots of dancing…and drinking…too much drinking. I

remember her leaving, and except for the nice, comfortable dance with a

stranger, everything else was a complete blur. Did I go home with that

stranger? Was I even now slumped on his bathroom floor, naked and

hung over? In a sudden panic, I did a mental inventory of my body.

Regular aches and pains, but no soreness in my ass, no fluids drying

on my skin, no swollen lips or bruises that I could feel. And no rawness

to my flaccid cock. Christ, what the hell happened? I managed to pick

myself up off the floor and awkwardly made my way back into the

strange bedroom. I found my clothes neatly folded on a dresser, and

hurriedly put them on. My boots were sitting next to the messed-up bed,

and it was easy to see two people had slept in it, not one.

Oh God, I hoped, in my inebriated state, I’d not led some poor guy on

and then not only didn’t put out but passed out on him too. Put together as

best I could, I made my way cautiously down a short hall. I stopped in

shock when I heard a very familiar voice.

“I told you, it’s over. How many times do I have to say that? I’m in

love with someone else. I’m sorry, Andre, but it’s not going to work. I

need to put all my energy into him. He’s not going to believe me at first

anyway. He may never believe me, but that does not mean you and I are

going to get back together.”

Oh, just great. He dumped his latest fuck and already had someone

new. But what had my heart squeezing so hard I could barely breathe

was the revelation that whoever this guy was, Lim loved him. Lim had

never, ever said he loved any of his boyfriends, not even Noel.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I leaned against the hallway wall, gasping silently as I tried to get air

into my lungs. I closed my eyes as the pain of loss washed over me.

There was no hope now. Lim had finally found a man he could love. I

straightened suddenly, intent on getting out of there. This must be the new

apartment Lim said he’d moved to. The one I’d never been in because

he’d gotten it just before—Andre. It seemed Lim’s restless heart had

finally found its match. I’d always, always wished he could be happy

with me, love me like I loved him, but it never happened, and now it

never would.

I quietly tiptoed the rest of the way down the hall and peeked around

the corner. Lim was standing in his kitchen, wearing only a pair of thin

sleep-pajama bottoms and looking better than… Stop! I had no right to

think that way anymore. He belonged to someone else now. He was

never going to be mine no matter how much I’d wished. As quietly as I

could, I made my way over to the front door, keeping an eye on Lim. He

was still arguing with Andre, which gave me the opportunity to slip out

without him noticing.

Once on the sidewalk and hurrying toward the street, I pulled out my

cell phone, thankful it wasn’t dead, and called for a cab. I only let out a

relieved breath once I was in the taxi and headed home. I would have

almost laughed at the “walk of shame” I was doing, except nothing had

happened, and it was Lim anyway. I avoided my sister’s raised eyebrow

and hurried to my room. Shucking clothes, I ducked into my bathroom

and turned on the shower. I stared at my reflection as I waited for the

water to heat up. I looked bad. Dark circles under my eyes, creases

where there hadn’t been any before. Skin pale and washed out. And one

very spectacular hickey just above my collarbone that I didn’t remember

getting.

CHAPTER TEN

I managed to avoid Lim for another three days by not opening my

shop. Not that I thought he’d come see me now that he had a man to love,

but I was still surprised, and hurt all over again that he didn’t even come

by the apartment to check on me. He was probably well on his way to

building a new life with the man he’d fallen for, and I was nothing but a

distant memory. Though I was still wondering about the affection he’d

shown at the club, which I had finally remembered after my third cup of

coffee later that morning. It was driving me crazy thinking about it and I

sternly told myself it was way past time to move on. I needed to find my

own man to build a life with. Or maybe just be lonely from now on. I had

my shop. I had my sister. Maybe I should just be happy with that.

On the fourth morning, I managed to drag myself out of bed and into

the shower. I was determined to get on with my life and go open my

store. It wasn’t as if I could afford to waste day after day hiding under

my covers and wishing things were different. I honestly should be glad

I’d had the time I did with Lim. But, as I thought before when I’d been

seeing Breck, it was much harder to get over someone you’d been

intimate with than someone you’d only dated. And seemingly impossible

when you loved them.

Lauren was gone on another assignment and had been

uncharacteristically quiet lately. We’d only bumped into each other for

short moments in the evening or morning, never enough time to talk, and

now she was out of town. Sometimes I missed the way we would hang

around the dining room table and gossip, or cuddle up on the sofa and

have some random, girly movie marathon. Things were changing, and I

wasn’t happy with any of it. But there was nothing I could do about it.

The shop was busy, many of my regulars inquiring about the closure

and asking if I was okay. I assured them it was a fluke, that I hadn’t been

feeling well and that they needn’t worry about me. I did get a warm fuzzy

feeling in my stomach at their concern. There was a lull in customers,

and I was stacking boxes of inventory in the back when I heard the

doorbell chime. Wiping my hands, I headed out to the main floor to see

none other than Breck and Kerry walking toward the register. I was

shocked to see them.

“Hey,” I said quietly. Kerry had a neutral expression on his face, and

Breck walked right up to me, put his arms around me, and hugged me

tight, giving me a quick peck on the lips.

“Hi, Lake. I told Kerry I needed to see you.”

I glanced over at Kerry and was given a barely perceptible nod.

Turning back to Breck, I asked how he’d been.

“Oh, Lake. It’s okay. I know you miss me, but you will be okay. I have

a new job and a new responsibility to be an awesome uncle, but I don’t

want you to be upset and pining for me. I told Kerry it was only right to

come tell you so you wouldn’t wait for me.”

I managed to contain both a smile of amusement that Breck thought it

important to inform me of his new life status and a pang of regret that

things couldn’t have worked out for us. Breck still had his arms around

me when the doorbell chimed again. Looking over his shoulder, I

groaned in dismay. Without thinking, I dropped my forehead on Breck’s

shoulder. What were the fucking odds?

Breck started petting my hair, making cooing noises at me, and I

almost giggled, except it was soothing in a weird sort of way. I vaguely

heard Kerry and Lim introduce themselves to each other and could just

hear Kerry’s low voice speaking, though I couldn’t hear the words.

“It’s okay, Lake, it’s okay. That man, when he was here before, he

didn’t look happy that I kissed you. I told Kerry about how mad the man

looked and he said, sometimes I can’t like guys either, because they may

have boyfriends. So it’s not just the men that have wives and girlfriends.

I’m glad I don’t have a boyfriend so I don’t have to worry.”

I lifted my head and interrupted Breck, pulling back from his embrace.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Breck. He never was.” Oh wow, there was

some major bitterness in that tone. Breck smiled at me and took my

hands.

“You’re very smart, Lake. But you are very dumb when it comes to

boyfriends.” He lifted my hands to his lips and kissed them gently, his

eyes never leaving mine.

“Try to be smarter with boyfriends. I want you to be as happy as me.”

I gaped as Breck grinned, dropped my hands, and left with Kerry. I

was stunned into immobility and just stared at the door where Breck and

Kerry had exited. When I finally came back to my senses, I glanced at

Lim to see him staring at me, an indecipherable expression on his face.

Frowning, I turned around and made my way back to the store room to

finish the stacking I was doing before being interrupted. I didn’t figure

Lim was here to buy anything, and other than the two of us, the shop was

empty. Should have known he’d follow me.

“Are you okay, Lake?”

I jerked around to glare at him. “What kind of stupid question is that?”

I felt the hot flush of anger rising again, along with a healthy dose of

guilt and shame. How dare he ask me that after what he’d put me

through? Then I remembered, Lim never really knew or cared what he

did to me. And here I’d put my whole life on hold for him, had felt like I

was cheating on him being attracted to Breck. God, I was pathetic.

“Yeah, Lim, I’m fine. What do you want?”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I continued to glare as I waited for Lim to answer, the boxes left

unattended behind me. The longer the silence drew out, the more irritated

I was becoming. “You know what? Just leave, Lim. I have a business to

run here.”

I turned my back on him, picking up a box to stack it. I tried to ignore

the way it wobbled, and I lifted a knee to steady it. That turned out to be

a mistake, because I lost my balance and started falling backward, the

heavy box still in my arms. I never made it to the floor, caught up in

strong arms that kept me from getting hurt…again. I set the box down on

the shelf in front of me and jerked out of Lim’s hold. I could not handle

the man touching me. Not now that he belonged to someone else and any

sliver of hope I ever had for us was gone for good.

I turned to glare up at him. “Why are you still here? Don’t you have

someone waiting for you?”

The anger I felt made my voice low and gravelly and surprised me

with its intensity. I knew I was beyond upset, but I loved the man

standing before me. Only, it was a lost cause. Someone once told me that

unrequited love could be considered the one type of love that was not

worth having. I sooooo believed that! I was living proof of how painful

it was. The silence grew, making the situation even more awkward and I

finally huffed and pushed past Lim to go back out front. I was nearly to

the counter with the cash register when I heard him—barely.

“No.”

I turned around to stare at Lim as he walked out of the back room. I

made myself ignore that loose-hipped stroll he had and tried to decide if

I had heard him right. “No?” I had to ask, to clarify. I tried desperately to

squash the hope that sprouted in my chest. I’d had hope before, only to

have my heart broken over and over. He was everything to me. But I had

enough pride that I would never grovel and wish that I meant something

to him when he was in love with someone else, or so I thought as I

narrowed my eyes at him.

“No.”

By the second time he’d said it he was standing in front of me,

invading my personal space and looking too good for it to be legal.

Damn him! I stepped back, heart racing, palms getting sweaty and my

mouth dry. He always had that effect when his attention was centered

solely on me. It didn’t happen often, certainly not as often as I would

like, but then, it shouldn’t be happening now. My heart tripped when he

kept pace with me, never letting me widen the space between us.

“What are you doing?” Now my voice had a squeaky sound to it, and I

could feel my face burning. I stared. Lim’s brown hair was disheveled,

as if he’d been running his fingers through it too many times. His deep

green eyes sparked like there was fire in them, which only made my

heartbeat go uneven for a second. The closer he got, the more his

muscular frame overwhelmed me, the more his unique scent filled me.

Eventually, he’d backed me into the wall between the counter and the

door to the back room. He placed a hand on either side of my head,

effectively pinning me between muscled arms that I knew intimately. I

couldn’t look him in the eyes. I knew the pain I was feeling would be

written all over my face if I lost control of my emotions. It was too much,

he was too close. I couldn’t hold on to them, couldn’t keep the tears

inside where they belonged. This was so wrong. I’m sure I should be

happy he found a man to love, who probably loved him back, but I

couldn’t stop how I felt, and honestly, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel

the same way. You can’t force someone to love you. Can’t force them to

see you as more than a substitute fuck and friend that was always there

for you. I couldn’t think with him surrounding me like that, couldn’t

reconcile his “no, he had no one waiting for him” to the fact that he was

in love with someone. Oh God! Was Lim in love with someone who

didn’t love him back? Never would I want that for him! Never would I

want Lim to feel that kind of pain. Pain I dealt with every day for years.

I’d known from the beginning that Lim was not the settling-down type,

though he did seem to be searching for something. He just never confided

in me, at least not where his feelings were concerned. I knew everything

else there was to know about him, but not how he felt about love. Not

how he felt about his boyfriends. Even after breaking up with them, Lim

was tightlipped about their relationships. I never pushed, not wanting to

know anyway. What good would it do me? I only knew about the reason

Lim no longer saw them and not the specifics. One sentence: “He

cheated on me;” “He doesn’t want to commit;” “He’s tired of topping all

the time;” and that was all. No further explanations.

“Lake?”

I was so centered on my own thoughts and trying desperately to get

myself under control, it took Lim touching my face to get my attention.

Not that I wasn’t aware of exactly where he was, just that I was trying so

hard to block that out. My body was already betraying me, responding to

his closeness. I was mortified that I had no control, not over my reaction

to him, not over my emotions. God, how pathetic could I get?

“Lake.”

I had jerked away from his touch, slamming my head against the wall

and seeing stars for a second. “What?” I could barely hear myself. Lim

didn’t answer but moved away from me, striding quickly across the

store, flipping the sign to CLOSED and locking the door. “What are you

doing?” I was indignant that he thought he could just close up my shop

like he owned it.

“Lake, you and I are going to talk. I have something to say to you, and I

don’t want any interruptions.”

“I don’t give a fuck if you don’t want any interruptions, and I have no

interest in what you have to say!” My voice was rising, anger surging

through me again. I needed to hold on to that rage to help me through this

moment. Like I wanted to stand there and listen to him tell me he’d found

the love of his life. I already knew, and having the words said out loud to

me would break me. I knew it. I was at a loss on what to do even as Lim

started back toward me. I glared, but he kept coming. He took my hand,

and I tried to yank it from his hold, but he only tightened his grip.

CHAPTER TWELVE

“Come sit.”

I didn’t appreciate being ordered around by him and said so.

“I’m not ordering you, Lake. I just…I just need to talk to you. Please.”

Huffing in annoyance, I allowed him to lead me to the back room. In

the corner was a small, ratty love seat that I’d slept on occasionally

when I worked late during my inventory or delivery days. He gently

pushed me down and then sat next to me, never letting go of my hand. I

couldn’t look him in the eyes and stared at the wall to the side, staying

silent. I didn’t know what he wanted, but could guess this was his

official good-bye. My chest was aching, my stomach in knots. I really,

really didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

“Lake, I need to tell you something, and I’m pretty sure you’re not

going to believe me.”

I just shrugged one shoulder. I had no intention of making this easy for

him. Not when my world was crashing down around me, not when I

knew once he was finished, I was going to fall apart.

“I broke up with Andre.”

I risked a glance at him but didn’t linger since he was staring at me so

intently that it made me uncomfortable. I remained silent. What did he

want from me? Acknowledgment? So he broke up with Andre, like I

cared. It was only so he could be with whomever he’d fallen in love

with. I remained stiff and cold, as much as I could with him so close and

holding my hand. He was gently running his thumb over my knuckles, and

it was irritating me. I tried to pull my hand away, but he wouldn’t let go.

I sighed loudly.

“Just get it over with, Lim.” My voice was low and as controlled as I

could make it.

“I finally realized something. Finally saw what was in front of me all

along. It hit me by surprise, but then I should have known.”

He wasn’t making any sense. Despite my agony, I tried to think what

he could be talking about. Had he met someone new? Had he realized he

was in love with one of his old boyfriends and was just now realizing it?

Oh God, had he come to the conclusion he was bi or something and

found a woman to love? I knew Lim always wanted kids. Maybe that

was what this was about. My stomach made a sickening flip, and I

dropped my head, breathing in and out through my mouth and

concentrating on not vomiting.

“Lake, I love you.”

My entire body jerked in shock. What? He couldn’t have said what I

thought he’d said, could he? Oh my God, please let him have said what

I thought I heard.

“You…what?” I had to know, had to! I lifted my head and stared

incongruously at him. No way. I was imagining things. A fantasy, hearing

what I’d wanted to hear from him for years. I had to be hallucinating,

projecting my feelings—or something. There was no way Lim was in

love with me. I could not be so lucky. His face softened, his green eyes

shiny. Was he going to cry? I already felt the burning of tears in my own

eyes and was determined not to shed even one in front of him.

“I said, I love you. I have for years and just didn’t know it, didn’t

realize my feelings for you ran so deep. I was stupid and…and

inconsiderate. Blind.”

I watched shame cross his features but was so shocked I was having

trouble processing his words. Too many emotions were assaulting me at

once. Anger that he thought he could just blurt something like that out.

Hope, which I tried to squash relentlessly again. Confusion as to why he

would say something like that to me, flipping to anger again that he was

lying, playing me for a fool, though the Lim I knew in my heart wouldn’t

do such a thing. But I wasn’t thinking coherently at all. And heartache

that I could be dreaming this whole conversation. And, above all of it,

complete, overwhelming shock that Lim, my Lim, had just said he loved

me.

“Lake? Say something.”

“I don’t believe you.” I wanted to slap myself upside the head and

couldn’t believe that came out of my mouth. But it was true. I didn’t.

He’d never, not once; ever shown any indication that he loved me. Sure,

he was a great in bed. That had never been in question. Always intense

and in the moment. Always making me feel like the center of his world

when we slept together, but it had always been about fucking, not making

love. And then he’d wander off, finding someone better, someone he had

more interest in, someone he obviously thought would give him what he

needed.

“I know. I didn’t expect you to. I know I’m just dumping this on you

and you have no reason to think I’m telling the truth, but I am. Lake,

you’ve always been there for me. Taking care of me, making me feel

worthy and not such a loser—”

I interrupted him, anger boiling over again. “You are describing me

like I’m some kind of loyal dog or something. I didn’t do all that because

you were my friend. I did it because I l—” I snapped my mouth shut. I

was not going to make myself that vulnerable, not here, not now. I pulled

at my hand again, and this time he let me go. I stood and paced in the tiny

room, my feelings chaotic. I needed to think, which was difficult like

always with him around. I whirled around and glared at him.

“You need to leave.” The sadness I saw on his face nearly broke me,

but he’d just confessed to what I wanted to hear for too long, and I

needed time. Time to believe it, if I could. Time to figure out if he was

telling the truth. Just—time.

He nodded and stood, and my heart tripped. Was I really sending him

away? He took a step toward me, and I put up a hand, stopping him. I just

couldn’t handle him touching me right now, or I’d break down and sob.

“Just go.” My voice was husky with emotion and I cleared my throat,

keeping my gaze from him. I listened as his steps moved away. The

moment I heard the front doorbell chime, I collapsed to the floor. He

loved me?

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

It had been almost a week since Lim’s confession, and I’d not

contacted him. He hadn’t called me either. I was hoping it was because

he was giving me time and not because he thought I’d rejected him,

though I hadn’t made that very clear when I’d asked him to leave my

shop. I know Lauren was aware something was wrong, but she didn’t

ask, which I was grateful for. That was, until the weekend after Lim told

me he loved me.

“Lake, what is up with you? You’ve been walking around like a

zombie for days.”

I shrugged, not sure what to say. I really needed someone to talk to, to

confide in, but Lauren had always taken my feelings for Lim lightly. As if

they weren’t real, nothing but a crush, puppy love. They were real all

right, and apparently, now, they were reciprocated. Not that I’d actually

ever told Lim I loved him. I’d never said the words to him, too proud to

see him push me away like I knew he would. But now? Now I wasn’t so

sure. If he was telling the truth, then it would be okay to tell him. Tell

him I loved him back. I was so confused. I looked up from the kitchen

table to see Lauren staring at me.

“Don’t just shrug your shoulders at me, Lake. I can tell something is up

with you. Did you hear from Mom or Dad? Did you and William have a

fight? Come on, little brother, tell me what’s wrong.”

I stared at her, weighing whether I should say something. Finally, with

no other alternative, I blurted it out. “Lim told me he loves me.” I

watched her face carefully, curious as to her reaction. What I got was a

blinding grin.

“About damn time he pulled his head out of his ass and realized you

were the man for him.” I gaped at her. “What? I knew you two were

meant for each other, only you were the only one who seemed to realize

that. William has been searching for years, not even smart enough to see

what was right in front of him all along.”

A warm, cozy feeling seeped into my chest at her words. But then I

frowned. “But you’ve always told me to just move on.” And she had, at

every turn. I watched her blush and drop her head for a moment. When

she looked back up at me, her eyes were a mixture of shame and anger.

I’d never seen that look before from my big sister.

“I’m sorry about that. It just bothered me so much to see the pain you

were going through over him. You have no idea how many times I

wanted to kick his ass for hurting you so much. I just wanted to see you

happy, and William wasn’t making you happy.”

I jumped from the chair and hugged her, full of wonder at how

protective Lauren was of me, though I knew she loved me

unconditionally. “Thank you.” She hugged me back, laughing. As I pulled

back, she grabbed my hands and stared up into my eyes.

“Now, you need to go get your man. I know you’ve never told him you

love him. It’s time to be honest. Time to show each other what you feel.

Can you do that?”

I stood there, holding my big sister’s hands, and thought about it. If I

told him, let him know I loved him too, would we be able to build a life

together? Suddenly, my heart felt lighter than it ever had, even when Lim

and I were younger and inseparable. I looked down at her, seeing

happiness for me sparkling in her eyes.

“Yes, yes, I think I can.” She squeezed my hands, let go, turned me

around, and pushed, giving me a slap on the ass.

“Then go call him.”

I grinned, suddenly feeling as if maybe my life wouldn’t be lonely

anymore. That I just might get the one dream I’d always wanted to come

true. I rushed to my room for my phone. Once it was in my hand and I

was halfway through dialing his number, I paused. I really didn’t want to

act too eager. After all, I’d lived with overwhelming pain for years over

this man. A small part of me wanted him to suffer—just a little. I finished

dialing and waited.

“Lake?”

He’d answered after the first ring, as if he was waiting for me call.

That settled my stomach somewhat, the butterflies making me giddy. I

cleared my throat, not wanting to sound too excited. “Can you meet me at

Café Clove in about an hour?” No way could I wait any longer than that.

“Of course, Lake.”

I could hear relief in his voice that I was willing to talk to him. “Fine,

then I will see you later.” I hung up before he could answer. I didn’t

want to give anything away. Let him squirm just a bit. I thought I should

feel guilty for treating him that way, but I didn’t. I’d hurt for so long, that

I didn’t think it unreasonable for him to be worried for an hour.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I was nervous and couldn’t fathom why. This was Lim. But then I was

going to tell him I loved him for the first time. Something I’d never

imagined I’d be doing. I’d thought long and hard in the hour before

coming here. I wanted to believe him with everything in me. So, I was

going to do exactly that and only hoped he didn’t break my heart, because

it would be the last time. As I entered the café and looked around, I saw

him toward the back. He was sitting with his head down, staring at his

hands clenched together tightly on the tabletop. Guess I wasn’t the only

one nervous. I took a deep breath and made my way back toward him.

He was so engrossed in his own thoughts, he didn’t notice me standing

there.

“Lim.” I almost laughed when he jumped, his face jerking up to stare

at me. He didn’t smile, but in his eyes, I could see he was happy to see

me.

I sat and scooted into the booth across from him. The waitress came

up, and I ordered a coffee and toast. I wouldn’t be able to handle more

than that with my stomach in knots. The silence was oppressive, neither

of us apparently willing to start the conversation. I’d never been so

awkward around Lim before. He kept staring at me, making me squirm in

my seat. This wasn’t how I envisioned this meeting going. After the

waitress delivered my order, I bit the bullet and looked up at him. “So,

how long have you known?” Stupid question, but I wasn’t sure how else

to start.

“Only a short time. I mean…well, it hit me that I do recently, and that I

must have for years. I just didn’t know…just wasn’t smart enough to

realize it.”

Lim’s stilted answer gave me the courage to continue. “So, what made

you realize it now?” I was really curious what had happened for Lim to

suddenly have such an epiphany. I mean, I’d never once felt as if he

cared for me as more than a friend and occasional friend-with-benefits.

I’d fallen in love with him from nearly our first meeting, but Lim was

always so distracted, always looking, searching for something. I never

did figure out what it was. I watched a flush travel over his neck and up

his face and I almost smiled. He was embarrassed. Not something I

usually saw with Lim.

“I…I realized how jealous I was when that guy came into your store

and kissed you in front of me. Then I spoke to his brother that second

time at your shop, who told me you had been dating the guy for a while,

though it was over. I didn’t know. I didn’t like how it made me feel.

You’re mine, and I didn’t… I mean, I know I shouldn’t be like that,

possessive and shit, but you’ve been in my life for a long time, and I just

assumed you always would be. It was stupid of me to think you wouldn’t

find someone to love you. That’s when I realized—I love you.”

My heart tripped at Lim admitting he was jealous of Breck. That gave

me even more hope, but I wasn’t going to make this easy. I’d been

suffering for so long through all his relationships, and he only had to see

one kiss from one guy with me. “So, you saw Breck kiss me and

suddenly, you’re all ‘I love him, he belongs to me’?” I was beyond

curious about what Lim’s answer would be. He’d made it clear he didn’t

like feeling jealous, made me wonder what he would think when he

found out I’ve loved him all these years and he’d been dating—and

sleeping—with others all along.

“Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, seeing that guy kiss you kind of brought

how I feel about you into focus. I’m sorry, Lake. I’ve taken such

advantage of you, thinking you were always going to be around, always

going to be there for me, never giving you credit for being a man with

feelings. I should have realized I was happiest when we were together. It

just never clicked until now. You don’t have to say anything. I mean, I

know I’ve lost you, but I wanted you to know how I feel. Being selfish

again, I guess.”

He hung his head after saying that last, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I

really didn’t want Lim to think he’d lost me. It wasn’t giving me the

satisfaction I thought it would. He was suffering now, as I had for so

long. I hated how I felt, and because I did love him, didn’t want him

feeling the same.

“I love you too.” I kept my voice low, even if I knew neither of us was

in the closet. It was more emotion than caution that had me whispering.

And maybe a little bit of fear at my own confession. Just because he said

he loved me didn’t mean he wanted a life with me, and I’d just laid my

heart bare for him.

I watched his head snap up, his beautiful green eyes boring into mine.

He looked shocked and disbelieving. I could relate. I slid my hands

across the table and took his, squeezing. “You heard me right. I have for

years, almost since we first met.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrugged. That was a very difficult question to answer. Why didn’t I?

As I thought about it, and remembered Lim always seemed to be

searching for something, I had my answer. “Maybe because I wanted you

to find me without prompting. Lim, I’ve watched you year after year,

boyfriend after boyfriend, lover after lover. trying to find something you

needed but never found. I wanted to be what you needed, but I wanted

you to find that desire on your own. I had given up hope when I

overheard you speaking to Andre, saying you had found someone you

loved. I didn’t know it was me.” I held my breath, watching his face

carefully. When he broke out into a smile, his eyes sparkling at me, I

relaxed some.

“Lake, you have always been all I needed. I just didn’t know it. Now I

do, and I did figure it out on my own.”

A wicked grin replaced his smile, and suddenly I was squirming in my

seat. I knew that grin. It always appeared when Lim was feeling

particularly—playful. “Lim…” I growled a warning. We were in the

middle of a café!

“We need to leave…now.”

The low, gravelly way he said that had me standing within seconds.

Lim threw some money on the table, and I was ushered quickly out the

door, Lim’s big hand warm upon my lower back. He grabbed my hand

once we reached the parking lot and headed straight for his vehicle.

“What about my car?”

“We can come back for it. Later. Much later.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

He didn’t even look at me when he said that, but I could feel the strain

through his hand. He was barely holding it together. I’d seen him this

way before; it always ended up with us in compromising and interesting

positions, and usually didn’t include a bed. Lim was not known for his

patience. My heart was pounding, for if we followed through with what

he obviously wanted to do, it would be the first time after our

confessions. It wouldn’t be fucking anymore…not for us, or at least not

for me. It would be making love, but as I thought about it, every time Lim

and I had sex, it felt that way. It always had. I wonder if he realized that.

I was rushed into the passenger seat of his truck and watched him

hurry around to the other side. He sat heavily and slammed the door shut,

starting the truck and heading out of the parking lot. He, at least, wasn’t

speeding as we hit the street. He’d not spoken a word after saying we

would get my car later. I remained silent as well, my heart stuttering and

my skin tingling. I knew what was coming. Knew it well, but suddenly, I

was afraid. Afraid that it wouldn’t be what I dreamed it would be. I’d

never been afraid of Lim, of our intimacy. For that matter, I’d craved it

always. But now, with the urgency he was showing, I was starting to

doubt we should be doing this. And I hated myself for it. Am I not as in

love with Lim as I thought? Am I over him and hadn’t realized it? Oh

my God, I couldn’t be! I searched my feelings, dug deep, and thought

about all the years I’d longed for him, yearned to be his one and only.

As memories cascaded through me, I realized, no, I was still very

much in love with William Cohen. I was just feeling nervous, not

knowing how he was going to react to our lovemaking after declaring he

was in love with me and me returning the sentiment. I turned when I felt

his hand circle mine, and he gave a squeeze.

“You’re thinking too hard, Lake. Relax. We know each other. This is

nothing new. Well, not the sex anyway, just the feelings.”

I glanced over at him as he watched me out of the corner of his eye.

He was smiling, a gentle smile I’d never seen before. Was that for me?

Finally? I tried to relax, but my nerves were getting the better of me. I

was surprised when we stopped and realized we were at Lim’s

apartment. He turned off his truck engine and sat for a moment, staring

out the windshield.

“Lake…”

I watched him turn toward me, that soft smile still on his face.

Carefully and slowly he lifted his hand and cupped my neck, pulling me

forward and touching our lips together. It felt like the first time I’d kissed

him, so different than all the times before, I melted right then and there,

this kiss rivaling the one at the bar. I suddenly realized this was Lim

kissing someone he loved. If I had any doubts that my love for Lim had

waned, I was reassured as he ran his tongue over my lips, asking for

entry. I opened for him, the butterflies in my stomach going wild over the

soft, slick feeling of his tongue invading my mouth. God, he tasted so

good. I could kiss Lim forever. He eventually pulled back, both of us

breathing heavily.

“I want you, Lake.”

The raspy way his voice sounded just amped up my desire. I wanted

him too, always had. “Let’s go.” I didn’t want to waste a moment, in

case I was dreaming this. But if I was, I didn’t want to ever wake up.

Lim touched his lips to my nose and then let go to exit the truck. I took a

few deep breaths to calm down and then met him at the front of his

vehicle. He grabbed my hand and led me to his apartment door. Within

minutes, we were inside, hands all over each other. I needed skin to skin,

and it seemed Lim needed it as well. I wasn’t sure how much time

passed, but soon we were naked, our bodies plastered together, our

mouths fused. I gave a small squeak when Lim picked me up and headed

to his bedroom. I wrapped my legs around his waist, thrilled as always

that he had such strength.

I expected to be tossed on the bed like always, but Lim gently laid me

down, following with his bigger body. He stared into my eyes, his

fingers caressing my face. He’d never been so gentle with me before.

His green eyes had darkened with desire, and I could feel his heart

beating fast against my chest. I wasn’t sure what to do. This was so out

of my element of experience with Lim. I might be the top, but he always

made the moves. Some would call him a power bottom, I suppose, or say

he topped from the bottom. I honestly didn’t care, I just wanted him.

Wanted to be connected—body, mind, heart and soul.

“Lake…I want to make love to you.”

The slight hesitation in his voice clued me in that he was as nervous as

me, but it was what he said that had my breath catching in my throat, my

heart racing and my dick swelling even further.

“Lim? You want to be inside me?”

Lim had never topped that I knew of, though he’d never talked about

his other relationships and I sure as hell didn’t want to talk about or even

think about those right now. Not when I was finally in the arms of the

man I loved and who loved me back. He nodded slowly, as if waiting to

see how I’d react. I leaned up and kissed him, taking his hand and

moving it between my legs. My ready acceptance caused a passion in

Lim I’d never experienced. He was all over me, touching everywhere,

kissing everywhere; it was enough just to keep up. I was so turned on; I

was having trouble not coming.

“Lim, I’m gonna come if we don’t…”

“No, not yet. I want to be inside you when you come.”

His breathless voice made my heart feel as if it was going to burst

with the love I felt for him. I held my breath as he leaned sideways and

rummaged around in the drawer of his nightstand, producing lube and a

strip of condoms. The breath I was holding whooshed out of me, and I

groaned when I heard the pop of a bottle and felt a slick finger caress my

entrance, and then dip in before withdrawing.

“Lim, come on. I won’t last much longer.”

“Patience, my love. I’ve got you.”

Never had Lim called me that, and I almost lost it just from his words.

He took his time, one finger changing to two, then three, and I was

rocking against his hand, trying to pull the digits farther inside me. He

avoided my prostate, knowing I was so close to orgasm, too close. If

he’d rubbed across it, I was a goner. I whimpered when he pulled his

fingers from me, but he only kissed me before staring into my eyes.

“Lake, I don’t want anything between us. I want to be bare with you.”

My heart stuttered, and my stomach flipped. I’d never gone

bareback…ever. Of course, I’d only ever slept with Lim, so it wasn’t as

if I had experience anywhere else. But I’d always used a condom with

him, because Lim had slept around. I was still staring at him when he

rolled over and pulled something from his nightstand drawer. I knew

what it was the moment he showed it to me. His test, showing he was

100% clean. That he would be so considerate so we could have the most

intimate connection made tears burn my eyes. I nodded, letting him know

it was okay. The condoms were unceremoniously shoved to the floor.

He quickly slicked up his shaft, and I took a breath, trying to make

myself relax. Lim wasn’t huge, but I had a virgin ass and knew it was

going to hurt. But my dream of Lim being the only man to penetrate me

had the tears gathering even more. I didn’t want to cry, but the emotions

were overwhelming.

“Lake?”

I smiled, kissed him, and wrapped my hand around his cock, guiding

him to my entrance. I wanted this…God, more than he could ever know.

Widening my legs, I made room for my lover and sucked in a breath

when the head of his cock nudged me. He went slowly, which I

appreciated as the burn made me tremble. I could see the concentration it

was taking for Lim not to just slam into me. He was staring at my face so

hard, I had to close my eyes and just breathe. It seemed like forever, but

then I felt his hips against my ass, his balls pressed tightly between us.

The sensations of Lim inside my body were overwhelming, and my lungs

felt as if they were going to seize.

“So full.” I could barely moan that out.

Lim worked his hands and arms under me, holding me close, his face

buried in my neck, his lips nuzzling against my damp skin. We stayed

like that, completely connected, and I could feel our hearts beating as

one. This was what I’d wanted. This was what my love for Lim was all

about. I gasped as Lim pulled slowly out, moving only his lower body

and then just as slowly filled me again. The burn of his intrusion finally

subsided, and I gasped again as a streak of pure pleasure coursed

through my body. Lim had dragged his cock across my prostate, and

damn if I didn’t want him to do that again!

“Again! There, just there!” Okay, it seemed I wasn’t above letting him

know and almost giggled.

Lim’s rhythm was speeding up, and he was doing this sexy little roll

of his hips whenever he was fully in me, drawing me closer and closer

to the edge. I’d never felt anything so loving and erotic. Damn! If I’d

known Lim was this kind of lover, I would have somehow convinced

him to top me a long time ago. I could feel my climax closing in, Lim’s

loving intense and so sensual, his lower belly rubbing along my shaft in

such a delicious way; I didn’t even need to stroke myself. I threw my

head back and cried out when my orgasm hit, washing over me,

drowning me in sensations that went on and on, my seed slicking the

movements between our bodies.

Lim’s arms tightened around me, a low groan erupting from him as he

froze, his whole body pulsating, his cock swelling inside me as he filled

me with his seed. He’d latched on to my neck, sucking hard as his

orgasm rocked him, teeth scraping as he trembled in my arms, in my

body. I’d grabbed hold of him, my fingers digging into his muscular

back, my legs clamped onto his hips, ankles crossed tightly over the

small of his back, trying to keep myself from shattering apart. Even as

our breathing and heartbeats eventually slowed, I couldn’t let go.

Seemed he couldn’t either as he held me close. Minutes ticked by, and

finally I became aware of the stickiness between us starting to itch. I still

didn’t want to let go, Lim’s weight feeling comforting and protective and

loving. But we needed to clean up. The image of Lim in the shower,

water cascading down his nude body, motivated me like nothing else.

“Lim, we need to shower.” He nodded silently and carefully pulled

from my body, his semen following him and trickling down the inside of

my thighs and my crack. Jesus, how fucking sexy was that? So sexy, in

fact, I didn’t even notice the twinge of discomfort his withdrawal

produced.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I had to lie there for a moment, the memory of what Lim and I had

done repeating over and over in my head. Would it continue? Would we

love each other this way forever? That was what I wanted, to be with

Lim for the rest of my life. But did he want the same? Or was this just

him loving me until something—or someone—better came along? That

was what always happened before, even though Lim had never told me

he loved me then. I watched him as he scooted off the bed and stood, his

body something to behold. He was so perfect, from his tousled brown

hair to his sexy feet. Despite being a desk jockey and not frequenting a

gym, Lim was built, showing the natural athleticism he carried since high

school.

He turned and looked down at me, that smile I’d never seen before

today on his lips. I watched as his gaze started at my face and traveled

slowly down my body, pausing briefly at my torso and seeing the results

of my orgasm smeared on my stomach and chest, then moving to my

groin, the green darkening when he saw the evidence of his own orgasm

between my legs. It was easy to see he thought the residual come leaking

from me was sexy as well. It made me feel…owned. And I liked it. I

always wanted Lim to claim me as his own. Without a word, he reached

out his hand and pulled me from the bed, encircling his strong arms

around me and kissing me silly. I could soooo get used to this. But

doubts still plagued me. It was just too good to be true. Lim telling me he

loved me, our intimacy so perfect. The fact that he’d taken my virginity,

both back in high school orally and now my ass. I was so afraid it was

going to end. He must have felt me stiffen somewhat because he

squeezed me tight.

“Lake, you’re thinking too hard again. I love you. That’s not going to

change. You are the only man I’ve ever said that to, and I think you know

it.”

I did know it, but that didn’t mean I believed it completely. Lim kissed

me again and led me to his bathroom. I watched silently as he started the

shower and stayed silent as he pushed me under the spray. I did groan at

the wonderful hot water as it pounded against my tense muscles, even

though there was a small twinge of regret as it washed away the

evidence of our sex. I smiled up at him as Lim began to soap my body,

his big hands caressing me from neck to feet. I’d never had a fast

recovery time, much to my disappointment, but my dick certainly thought

about elongating at Lim’s touch. It valiantly twitched a few times, but I

was exhausted. Between the overwhelming emotions and Lim’s thorough

loving, I just wanted to take a nap. And I needed time to think, to believe

in this, to let it settle into reality.

I tried to stifle a yawn as we dried off, but it was hopeless, and I felt

my jaw crack. I could barely keep my eyes open. I wondered briefly

about my store but was just too tired to worry about opening it. Then I

remembered tomorrow was Sunday, my day off. I stood stupidly in the

middle of his bathroom, it hitting me I had no clean clothes to put on. I

supposed I needed to go home, but was loath to leave Lim. I just wanted

to curl up in his bed, attach myself to his big, hard body, and sleep. He

must have read my mind, because he guided me to the bed. He stripped

the comforter we’d messed up and pulled the blanket and sheet down,

pushing me to climb in. Lim joined me the moment I lay down, pulling

me close to him and nuzzling my hair. I curled my body around him,

throwing a leg and arm over him and holding on tight. I tucked my head

under his chin and inhaled deeply, the scent of him filling me and

bringing on a contentment I’d never felt before.

Lim pulled me as close as he could get, his strong arms around me and

one leg pinning mine over him. I sighed. I could stay here forever. I was

nearly asleep when Lim murmured in my hair, “I love you Lake, so

much.”

“I love you too,” I mumbled against his smooth chest, a full-body

shiver of pleasure at his words running through me. I would never forget

this, even if my Lim wandered again.

EPILOGUE

Six months later…

“Lim! What the hell?” I’d just closed and locked the door to my shop

when I was grabbed and tossed over a hard shoulder. Secretly, I loved

Lim manhandling me, getting all caveman, and honestly, he didn’t do it

that often, so it was a novelty when he did. But I still pretended to

protest, though I suspected he knew I wasn’t serious.

“Come on, babe, we have to hurry if we’re going to get to Lauren’s

place in time for dinner. I want to meet this new beau so I can vet him

and make sure he’s good enough for her.”

I giggled against Lim’s back as he stalked to his truck. Ever since we

had declared our love to each other, Lim had inserted himself into every

aspect of my life. He started doing the books for my shop, which was

now in the black, despite my timeline of taking two years to get there.

Without his knowledge, I made him a silent partner to my business,

planning on surprising him on his birthday next year. For the first few

months, he hung out at Lauren’s place with me, only occasionally staying

at his own place without me, and I sometimes spent a night or two there.

Lauren had a better idea. She announced we fucked too loudly and I

needed to move the hell out and into Lim’s place permanently.

I moved the very next day.

Lim had gone out of his way to alleviate every doubt I had at his

sincerity. The man truly loved me and showed me every day—and

especially the nights. It seemed Lim had decided he liked topping as

much as bottoming, and it was a wonder either of us could walk each

morning. And it never got old, no matter how many times we made love

with each other. I could never get enough of his big, strong body, and, by

the way he worshiped my body, he couldn’t get enough of me either.

We both heard about a new guy in Lauren’s life, having to dig it out of

her when we noticed the way she was floating around all the time with

this goofy smile on her face. Lim, his charm in full swing, managed to get

her to confess a couple of days ago and basically invited us to her place

to meet this man. I wasn’t concerned. My big sister was a rock, logical,

smart, strong, and very good at judging people. She was a journalist,

after all. Any man she picked to give her heart to would be a good one.

Lim wasn’t so sure, but then he didn’t know Lauren like I did. Well, he’d

known her for years, but being an only child, he didn’t have that sibling

connection to reassure him as Lauren and I had.

As Lim gently swung me back upright, he slid my body down his until

we were face-to-face and then kissed me deeply. I clung to him like I

always did, and thanked the heavens that the man I loved finally loved

me back and his wayward heart found its match—in me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

CR Guiliano is an avid reader which logically morphed into the love of
writing. CR writes in many genres, but is most happy writing the love
between two men (or more!) She makes them work for their HEA and
considers herself an expert in Angst.

You will usually find CR cuddled up to her laptop, grumbling about her
day job wasting her writing time and creating stories to entertain, inspire
and bring your emotions to the surface. CR has a huge warren of plot
bunnies that is growing every day and can’t wait to fill out the story
ideas and share them.

CR is a committed advocate for the GLBT community and does her best
to change society’s attitudes, one mind at a time. You can learn more
about CR Guiliano and her stories at the following locations:

Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/CR-Guiliano-
Author/243814592322136?ref=hl

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/crguiliano

Author blog: http://crguiliano-author.blogspot.com/

Works-in-progress blog: http://guilianowip.blogspot.com/

Email: [e-mail]

MLR PRESS AUTHORS

Featuring a roll call of some of the best writers of gay erotica and

mysteries today!

Derek Adams
Z. Allora
Maura Anderson
Simone Anderson
Victor J. Banis
Laura Baumbach
Helen Beattie
Ally Blue
J.P. Bowie
Barry Brennessel
Nowell Briscoe
Jade Buchanan
James Buchanan
TA Chase
Charlie Cochrane
Karenna Colcroft
Michael G. Cornelius
Jamie Craig
Ethan Day
Diana DeRicci
Vivien Dean
Taylor V. Donovan
S.J. Frost
Kimberly Gardner
Kaje Harper
Alex Ironrod
Jambrea Jo Jones
DC Juris
AC Katt
Thomas Kearnes
Sasha Keegan

Kiernan Kelly
K-lee Klein
Geoffrey Knight
Christopher Koehler
Matthew Lang
J.L. Langley
Vincent Lardo
Cameron Lawton
Anna Lee
Elizabeth Lister
Clare London
William Maltese
Z.A. Maxfield
Timothy McGivney
Tere Michaels
AKM Miles
Robert Moore
Reiko Morgan
Jet Mykles
William Neale
N.J. Nielsen
Cherie Noel
Gregory L. Norris
Willa Okati
Erica Pike
Neil S. Plakcy
Rick R. Reed
A.M. Riley
AJ Rose
Rob Rosen
George Seaton
Riley Shane
Jardonn Smith
DH Starr
Richard Stevenson

Christopher Stone
Liz Strange
Marshall Thornton
Lex Valentine
Haley Walsh
Mia Watts
Lynley Wayne
Missy Welsh
Ryal Woods
Stevie Woods
Lance Zarimba
Mark Zubro

Check out titles, both available and forthcoming, at

www.mlrpress.com

GLBT RESOURCES

RAINBOW ROMANCE WRITERS

Raising the Bar for LGBT Romance

RRW offers support and advocacy to career-focused authors,

expanding the horizons of romance. Changing minds, one heart at a time.
www.rainbowromancewriters.com

THE TREVOR PROJECT

The Trevor Project operates the only nationwide, around-the-clock

crisis and suicide prevention helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender and questioning youth. Every day, The Trevor Project saves
lives though its free and confidential helpline, its website and its
educational services. If you or a friend are feeling lost, alone, confused
or in crisis, please call The Trevor Helpline. You’ll be able to speak
confidentially with a trained counselor 24/7.

The Trevor Helpline: 866-488-7386

On the Web: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

THE GAY MEN’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROJECT

Founded in 1994, The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project is a

grassroots, non-profit organization founded by a gay male survivor of
domestic violence and developed through the strength, contributions and
participation of the community. The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence
Project supports victims and survivors through education, advocacy and
direct services. Understanding that the serious public health issue of
domestic violence is not gender specific, we serve men in relationships
with men, regardless of how they identify, and stand ready to assist them
in navigating through abusive relationships.

GMDVP Helpline: 800.832.1901

On the Web: http://gmdvp.org/

THE

GAY

&

LESBIAN

ALLIANCE

AGAINST

DEFAMATION/GLAAD EN ESPAÑOL

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is

dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive
representation of people and events in the media as a means of
eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and
sexual orientation.

On the Web: http://www.glaad.org/

GLAAD en español: http://www.glaad.org/espanol/bienvenido.php

SERVICEMEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network is a nonpartisan, nonprofit,

legal services, watchdog and policy organization dedicated to ending
discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).The SLDN provides free, confidential
legal services to all those impacted by DADT and related
discrimination. Since 1993, its inhouse legal team has responded to more
than 9,000 requests for assistance. In Congress, it leads the fight to
repeal DADT and replace it with a law that ensures equal treatment for
every servicemember, regardless of sexual orientation. In the courts, it
works to challenge the constitutionality of DADT.

SLDN Call: 800-538-7418

PO Box 65301 or (202) 328-FAIR

Washington DC 20035-5301 e-mail: [e-mail]

On the Web: http://sldn.org/

THE GLBT NATIONAL HELP CENTER

The GLBT National Help Center is a nonprofit, tax-exempt

organization that is dedicated to meeting the needs of the gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender community and those questioning their sexual
orientation and gender identity. It is an outgrowth of the Gay & Lesbian
National Hotline, which began in 1996 and now is a primary program of
The GLBT National Help Center. It offers several different programs
including two national hotlines that help members of the GLBT
community talk about the important issues that they are facing in their
lives. It helps end the isolation that many people feel, by providing a
safe environment on the phone or via the internet to discuss issues that
people can’t talk about anywhere else. The GLBT National Help Center
also helps other organizations build the infrastructure they need to
provide strong support to our community at the local level.

National Hotline: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

National Youth Talkline 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743)

On the Web: http://www.glnh.org/

e-mail: [e-mail]

If you’re a GLBT and questioning student heading off to university,

you should know that there are resources on campus for you. Here’s just
a sample:

GLBT SCHOLARSHIP RESOURCES

http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/tell-us-about-an-lgbt-scholarship

Syracuse University

http://lgbt.syr.edu/

Texas A&M

http://glbt.tamu.edu/

Tulane University

http://tulane.edu/studentaffairs/oma/lgbt/index.cfm

University

of

Alaska

http://www.uaf.edu/woodcenter/leadership/organizations/active/index.xml?
id=61

University of California, Davis

http://lgbtrc.ucdavis.edu/

University of California, San Francisco

http://lgbt.ucsf.edu/

University of Colorado

http://www.colorado.edu/GLBTQRC/

University of Florida

http://www.multicultural.ufl.edu/lgbt/

University of Hawaii, Mānoa

http://manoa.hawaii.edu/lgbt/

University of Utah

http://www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt/

University of Virginia

http://www.virginia.edu/deanofstudents/lgbt/

Vanderbilt University

http://www.vanderbilt.edu/lgbtqi/