TableofContents

Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20

TableofContents

UndertheMistletoe

Description

Introduction

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

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AbouttheAuthor

Copyright

UndertheMistletoe

By

AliParker

Description

SetatUTDallas,Texas—Abigjocktypeisfailingaccounting,andthenerdytype-Acuteblondeinfrontof

himbecomeshistutor,andteacheshimsomuchmorethan2+2.

Introduction

Checkouttheother12DaysofChristmasNovellas

FindthemallHERE

Chapter1

Alex

The morning dew had turned to thin fingers of ice against the glass of my Cost

Accountingclassroomwindows.Theicicles,oncesharp,blurredinmyvisionasmyeyes

startedtoclose.

I sucked in a breath, determined to stay awake. I trapped my inner cheek between

myteethandchompeddownhard.

Getittogether,Alex.

No wonder my grades were tanking. This shit bored me to death, and Professor

Tarrington’svoicewassomonotonethatitcouldbeusedasasleepaid.

I glanced around the room at the others who were dutifully running their fingers

overtheirlaptopkeyboards,happilytypingawaytakingdowneverysinglewordhesaid

asifhiswordwaslaw.

Ididn’tdarebringinmyoldlaptoptoclass.Ihadareputationtoprotect.Itworked

onlywhenpluggedin,andthemomentitwasremovedfromelectricity,itshutdown.That

couldhavebeenthereasonImissedsomuchofProfessorTarrington’slectures.Writing

fortheentirehourwastortureonmyhand.IwishedIhadsomeexcuseaboutneedingmy

handforfootballbutthemostimportantlimbsforatrackstarweremylegs.Eventhough

most of the professors were pretty chill about my grades that were mostly average,

Professor Tarrington didn’t grade on a curve. He said that from day one. And I should

havelistened.

Mychinstartedtodriftlower,almostreachingmychestbeforeIsnappedmyhead

up,blinkingseveraltimes.Thedullsubjectmatterandthemonotonevoiceaside,thereal

reasonformyminddriftingwasthelackofsleepfromthenightbefore.OurThrowback

Thursdaypartythatourfraternity,AlphaKappaAlpha,hostedthenightbeforekeptmeup

late into this morning. I fell into bed with Kara, the sexy blonde, around six, and she

distractedmeenoughthatIbarelyhadanhourofsleepbeforeIhadtowakeupforclass.

Morningclasseswerethepits.Whothehellinventedthose?Thiswascollege!Wewere

supposed to be having fun. If it were up to me, all classes would take place in the

afternoon,givingusplentyoftimetosleepoffpartiesinthemorningandkeepingthem

outofthewayofthepartiesatnight.

AKAwasoneofthehottestfratsoncampus,andourconstantstreamofpartieskept

the girls coming—in more ways than one—so we had to keep up with the demand. As

President,IdelegatedallthetaskstomybrothersandpledgessothatIcouldsitbackand

enjoythefood,drink,andfemales.Itwasthelife.

Atleastitseemedthatwayeverynight.Whenitcametomyclasses,Iwasbarely

keepingmyheadafloat.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned my head back, trying to get

comfortable in the plastic chair. I positioned myself behind the guy in front of me so I

wouldn’tbecaughtrestingmyeyes.Ineededaquickpowernaptogetmethroughtherest

ofmyclassesthismorning.Afterthat,Iwoulddedicatetherestofmydaytosleepingso

I’dbeabletogetthroughtheremainderofthepartiesthisweekend.

The girl I slept with the night before entered my mind. The curve of her breast fit

perfectlyinmyhands.Iinhaled,rememberingherscent…

Someone cleared his throat, breaking through my thoughts. I awoke, sucking in a

sharpgulpofbreath.Someoneinabrownsuitstooddirectlynexttome.Thenapacketof

papersslappedagainstmydesk.

“AnF,Mr.Fuller,”ProfessorTarringtonsaidinasmallvoice.Icouldalmosthear

Mom’sclickingtonguebehindhiswords.

A few of my classmates snickered. I looked at the clock. Only a few minutes had

passedsinceIfellasleep.

Hiswordsrattledinmybrain,andIlookeddownatthepaperstoseethebig,redF

glaringupatme,almostmockingmyexistence.

Shit.

“Iexpecttoseeyouafterclass,”hesaid,flippingoverthetest.

Couldn’thehavedonethattostart?

Iglancedattheotherssittingnexttome,butnoonecaredaboutmytest,theyonly

caredabouttheirown.

Irolledthepacketupandshoveditinmybag.Ifitwasn’tinmysight,thenIdidn’t

havetothinkaboutit.

Iranmyfingersthroughmyhair,grippingithard.Asharppainranacrossmyscalp,

wakingmeupcompletely.IcouldhavedealtwithaC,butanF?Iwantedtoreviewthe

examtoseeifanyanswerwascorrect,buthowwouldthatmakeadifference?Thiswas

mydoing,andIwasgoingtolosemyscholarshipoveronestupidclass.Arequiredclass

formybachelor’sinbusinessdegree.Ionlyhadonemoresemestertogoafterthisone,so

therewasn’tmuchtimetotaketheclassoveragain.

Senioryearwassupposedtobefun,notdepressing.

After our professor passed out the rest of the tests, he stood at the front of the

classroomwithhiscopy.“Let’sgoovertheseanswersinpreparationforthefinalexam.”

What was the point? Even if he gave me the answers, the concepts of this class

eluded me. For any chance at passing, I’d need someone to give me the exact test so I

couldcopyitwordforword.

Iwassoscrewed.

IdroppedmyheadtomydeskandlistenedtoTarringtongoonandon,soundingas

if he were speaking a foreign language. At least it was to me. None of my answers

matchedwhathewastalkingabout.ItwasasifIwereinadifferentclasscompletely.

Taking the exam after our weekend parties hadn’t helped. The words all came

togetherinajumbledmess,andIrecalledwritingdownthefirstthingthatpoppedintomy

mind.Obviously,mymindwasn’tonthesamepageastheprofessor’squestions.

“That’s all for today,” he said from the front of the room. “Even though we’re

nearingtheendofthesemester,Ifullyexpecteveryonetocontinuewithyourstudies.The

finalcanmakeorbreakanyone’sgradeinthisclass.”Heglancedathisphoneandplaced

itonthedesknexttohim.“Youmaygo.”

Everyone grabbed their bags and raced for the door. I pretended to look for

somethinginmybagsoasnottoalertanyoneinclassofmyfailinggradeandmandatory

meetingwiththeprofessor.Mygradesweren’tanyone’sbusiness.

Two girls who I’d seen at the party last night in skimpy outfits went up to the

professor.Bothhadbiggrinsontheirfaces.Ibrieflyrememberedseeingthetallerone’s

ass rubbing up against one of my brothers. Now it rested on the professor’s desk, right

nearhishand.

Hemoveditawayandtookastepback.Itwasasubtlemovebutnecessary.

TherumoraroundProfessorTarringtondatingastudentafewyearsbackseemedto

still followed him. A few of our older brothers knew the girl who seduced the young

professor. The threat of losing his position at the university was the cherry on the shit

Sundae.Heprobablywouldhavechosenthegirloverthejob.Whoknew.

Iwonderedhowcarefullythedeanwatchedhimfromthenon.

Thegirlsweretagteamingtheprofessor,gushingoverhowhardthetestwas,even

thoughtheyclearlyreceivedagoodgrade.

Tarringtonpolitelysuggestedthegirlsgototheirnextclassandafterhimhintingat

itmorethanoncetheyleft.

Once the room cleared, I stood up, shouldering my bag and made my way to the

frontoftheroom,holdingmyrolleduptestinmyhand.Iwasonlygoingtostickaround

forfiveminutestops.IalreadyknewIwasfailing;Ididn’tneedhimtorubitinmyface.

“Mr.Fuller,”Tarringtonsaid.“Youknowyou’reindangeroffailingthiscourse.I’d

hatetomakeyouretakeitnextsemester,butrightnowmyhandsaretied.Youshould—”

“Idon’tneedalecture,”Isaid,knowingIwasgoingtogetonefromMomwhenshe

foundoutaboutmyfailinggrade.Icouldneverlietoher,butshewasalsofootingthebill

formyeducationandmyfraternitydues.Theonlythingsheaskedinreturnwasformeto

graduateontimeandbehonestwithher.ItwastheleastIcoulddo.“WhatcanIdotopass

thisclass?”

“TheonlythingIcansuggestnowisthatyoufindatutor.”

“A tutor?” Like hell was I going to waste my free time with some nerd. Besides,

wherewasIgoingtogetthemoneyforthat?

“Yes,” he said. “If you don’t buckle down right now, then you have no chance of

passing.Youhavelessthanamonthtofindawaytobringupyourgrade.”

Isighed,hopinghecouldunderstandhowridiculoushesounded.

“Well, I have to go,” I said. I wanted to say “thanks for nothing,” but he was the

onlyonecontrollingmyfutureinthisclass.

IlefttheclassroomfeelingworsethanIdidwhenIreceivedthefailinggrade.Ifa

tutorwastheonlywayformetopass,thenIwouldshowProfessorTarringtonthatIcould

doitmyself.

Afterthelastofmyafternoonclasses,IheadedbacktomyhouseofftheUTDallas

campus.OnceIreachedthefrontwalkway,myshouldersrelaxedfromtheday’sstresses.

Beinghomewasthebestwayformetounwind.

Iwenttothekitchen,thepledgesandbrothersgreetingmewiththeAKAsloganon

theway,grabbedoneofthepremadesandwichesthatthepledgespreparedeachmorning

forthebrothers.Turkeyandcheesetoday.EventhoughIalreadyatelunch,Iusuallydined

onasecondlunchonthedaysafterabigparty.IwasravenousbythetimeImadeitupto

my room on the third floor. It was an attic space with two bedrooms. One for the

president,me,andtheotherformyVicePresident,Bret.

I woofed down my sandwich and cracked open my accounting book. My other

homeworkwouldwaituntilSundaywhenwetookourdayofrestfrompartying.

Ibarelymadeitthroughthefirstpartoftheassignmentbeforemydoorburstopen.

IfitwereanyoneotherthanBret,Iwouldhavekickedthemout.

Hesaunteredovertome,hiseyesnarrowed.“Alex,isthatabookinfrontofyou?

OnaFriday?”

Irolledmyeyesathiscondescendingtone.“Yeah.I’mfailingCostAccounting.”

“Idon’tevenknowwhyyoubotheredwithabusinessdegree,bro,”hesaidflipping

mybookclosed.

I stuck my finger on the page before the book closed on it, reserving my spot.

“SometimesIdon’tknowwhyeither,butit’stoolatetochangemymajornow.”

Bretscratchedtheshavedsideofhisheadandadjustedhissignaturebowtie.Today

itwasblackwithredpolkadots.Hecalledit“ironic,”yetIfounditidiotic.EventhoughI

lovedhimasabrother,wewereentirelydifferentotherthanourcommitmenttothefrat.I

supposeitwaseasyforhimtoshirkhisstudieswhenhewasheirtoanoilfortune.That

wasn’tthecasewithme.

“DidyouforgetabouttheFreakyFridayparty?It’sstartinginanhour.”

Ilookedatmyphone.Shit.Ispentoveranhouronmyassignmentandbarelywrote

anythingdown.

“Wehavesomehot‘freshmeat’onthewaytothegrinderrightnow,”hesaidwitha

wink.AsifIdidn’tknowhemeantfreshmengirls.

“I should get this done,” I said to myself with Tarrington’s words about failing

lingeringinthebackofmymind.

“Lame,bro,”Bretsaid.“It’snotanAKApartyunlessthepresidentisthere.”

IlookedatmybookasIslidmyfingeroutfromthepages.Bretwasright.Iworked

toohardtokeepmypositionatthefrattonotgetallthebenefits.

Therewasplentyoftimetostudyovertheweekend.Rightnow,Ideservedtoenjoy

thefruitsofmylabor.

“This president needs to party,” I said. Life was too short to worry about the little

things.

Bretclappedahandonmyback,andwemadeourwaydownstairstooverseeour

kingdom.

Chapter2

Lily

ThegriponmybooksstartedtoloosenasImademywaytothefrontofmydorm.

JustafewmorestepsandIcouldmakeit.IknewIwouldhearitfromAmberwhenshe

sawtheseamonboththestrapsonmybackpackrippedfromthebag.Iwasonlyhalfway

home from the library when it happened. She always told me I carried too many books,

butitwasunavoidable.Withherloudmusicandboy-crazyattitude,ourroomwasfullof

distractions.

TheonlywaynottooffendherwastosayIneededcompletesilencewhenIstudied

which was why I went to the library every day after classes to finish my assignments.

LittledidsheknowIpluggedmyearbudsintomylaptopandworkedtoclassicalmusic

blastingashighasmyearscouldtakeit.

Mygrandmotherwastheonewhointroducedmetothatparticulargenreofmusic,

andithelpedmestudythroughouthighschool.ConsideringIwascomingoutatthetopof

eachofmyclasses,IknewIwasdoingsomethingright.

Two girls, I recognized from a few floors down rushed out of the dorm laughing

aboutsomething.

“Canyou—”Isaidasthedoorslammedinmyface.

I glared at them over my shoulder. “Thanks for nothing,” I mumbled under my

breath.

I balanced my books in one hand while attempting to grab the right key from the

lanyardaroundmyneck.Ifellagainstthedoor,shovingthekeyinsidethelock.Iturnedit,

pulled,andgrabbedontomybooksagainasIopenedthedoortherestofthewaywithmy

foot.

IwassweatingbythetimeImadeittothesecondfloor.Withbarelyenoughenergy

toknockonthedoor,Ikickedithardwiththetoeofmyshoe.

Amber was inside. She sang along with the pop music coming out of her massive

computerspeakers.Theywerebiggerthanhercomputer.

Whenshedidn’tanswer,Ikickedthedooragain.“Amber!”

Thedoorflungopen,andIgawkedatthepersonstandinginfrontofme.

Thesmallpiecesofwhitefabricstretchedoverherchest,givingtheillusionthather

already giant boobs were much bigger. She turned around slowly, showing off what

lookedlikeasluttynurses’suniform,thebottomsofherbuttcheekspeekedoutfromthe

hemoftheskirt.

“Youlike?”sheasked,flutteringhereyelashesoverherdeepbrowneyes.

“Whatareyouwearing?”Iasked,enteringtheroom.Iflungmybooksontomydesk

andshovedthebrokenbackpackbehindthefurniture.Ihadasewingkitsomewhereinthe

room.

Iwenttomydresser,almosttrippingoverapileofAmber’sbooks.

“I’masexynurse,”shesaid.“Duh.”

“Whyareyouasexynurse?”Iasked.

“Well,”shesaidwiththebiggestgrinonherface.Itwasthesameonethatgotherin

trouble all semester. Most of the time, it involved a guy. “I was invited to a super

exclusivefratpartytonight.”

“Congrats,”Isaid,stackingmybooksinalphabeticalorderandslidingthemtothe

edgeofmydesk.

“Iknowright?”shesquealed.

Amber has been angling all semester for an invite to a frat party. At least I’d get

some quiet tonight that was until she came home drunk off her ass. I made a mental

checklist of the assignments I needed to complete before she got home and I had to

performmyofficialdutyashairandhand-holderasshepuked.

“It’stoAKA!!!”shesaidjumpingupanddown.

Igaveheralook.Icouldn’tkeeptrackoftheegotisticalfraternityandsororitykids

atschoolnevermindtheacronymsfortheirgroups.

“Cool,”Isaid,draggingthewordout.

“Youhavetocomewithme,”shesaidgrabbingmyarm.

“No,”Isaid,almostlaughingattherequest.Otherthantheschoolassigningustobe

roommates,AmberandIwereonoppositeendsofthesocialladder.

“Comeon!”Shewhined.“Ineedmywingwoman.”

“WhenhaveIeverbeenyourwingwoman?”

“Okay,never,butnowisthetimetostart.”

“Ineedtogetsomeworkdone,”Isaid.

“Whatyouneedisabreak,”shesaid.

“I have no interest in frat boys and binge drinking,” I said. “I’m not the one who

shouldgowithyou.”

“Prettyplease?”shesaid.

“Amber—”

“Ifyoucome,Ipromisetofinallycleanupmysideoftheroomandthecloset.”

Myeyeshurttolookatoursharedcloset.Isupposedsharedwasthewrongword.

Amber’s clothes exploded out of the space and filled every nook and cranny of the rail,

shelf,andfloor.MyclotheswerealwayswrinkledsinceIstoppedhangingthemupinthe

closet.I’dratherthatthanriskfightingtheclothesthatseemedtomultiplybythedayon

her“side”.

Amberfinallycleaningupbeforethesemesterwasoverwasatemptingoffer.Wasit

worth my soul? I didn’t want to end up a part of a group that I despised so much every

weekend when I was trying to sleep. The annoying drunken people wandering home at

two in the morning were the bane of my existence all semester. Didn’t they have any

courtesyforothers?Ofcoursenot.

“Comeon,Lily,”shesaid,practicallybegging.“Livealittle.”

In the back of my mind, I did wonder what these frat houses looked like on the

inside. It was a curiosity that only a few were selected to see. Would it be right to deny

myselfasneakpeek?Itwasn’tasifIwasgoingtogetblasteddrunkandstumblehome.I

couldbeAmber’sdesignated-walker,andthatwasthat.

“Fine,”Isaid.

Amberclappedherhandsandjumpedupanddownafewtimes.

“YouwillfulfillyourpromisetocleanbySunday.”

Shepursedherlips.“HowaboutWednesday?”

Igaveheralook.

“Okay!Okay!Mondayatthelatest.”

“Deal,”Isaid,andweshookonit.

“Now we need to find you an outfit!” Amber said, turning up the volume of her

music.

Igratedmyteethatthesoundlevelbutmadeanefforttorelax.Iwasabouttogoto

my first college party, I needed to chill out. This was the fun part that everyone was

excitedforwhenleavingforschool.EventhoughIneverhadtheurgetogotoawildfrat

party,Ialreadyagreedtodoso.Onenightcouldn’thurtme,right?

“Youhavenothingtowear!”Ambergroanedfromacrosstheroom.

Iclampedahandovermymouth.Theentirecontentsofmydresserdrawerswereon

thefloor.

Ambersmiledsweetlyatme.“IswearI’llpickeverythingbackup.Wedon’thavea

lotoftime,though.Iwanttogetthereassoonaspossible,sowecanmakethemostofthe

part-ay!”

“Ihaveafewdresses,”Isaid.

“Nothing in your wardrobe will do,” she said. “The theme is Freaky Friday, not

FrumpyFriday,nooffense.”

Iscoffed.“Offensetaken.”

Sheopenedhermouthwideandsuckedinabreath.“I’vegotit!”Sheracedoverto

herdresserandflungablacksatinbrainmydirection.Iallowedthemtolandonthefloor

nexttome.Shecameovertomewithherlabcoatandapairofblackboyshortpanties,

handingthemtome.

“What’sthis?”Iasked.

“Yourcostume,”shesaid,pickingupthebra.

“I’mnotwearingunderweartoaparty,”Isaid.

“Iguaranteeyouthatothergirlswillbewearingless,besides,youhavethelabcoat

towearoverit.”

“Alabcoatisn’tclothes,”Isaid,slightlymortifiedaboutwalkingdownthehallway

inthisget-up,nevermindaparty!

“Ithasbuttons,”shesaid.“Oh!Andwearthis.”

Sheliftedherplasticstethoscopeoverherheadandplaceditaroundmyneck.“I’ll

bethenaughtynursetoyoursexydoctor.”

Istaredatthelackofclothesinmyhands.WasIreallygoingtodothis?Iscanned

theroom.ItwouldbenicetowalkaroundwithouttrippingoverAmber’sstuffallthetime.

I hoped she was right about other girls wearing less than me. A prime example was my

roommatewhodidn’thideanypartofhercurvybody.Atleastthelabcoatwouldcoverup

mostofmybareskin.

“Alright,” I said and tossed the clothes on my bed. “Now turn around so I can

change.”

She preened at me and twirled around, jumping up and down squealing with glee.

“A-K-A!”shechantedoverandoveruntilIstartedtodoittoo.

“Isn’titthemostbeautifulhouseyou’veeverseen?”Amberasked.

That squeal made another appearance, coming from the back of her throat. If that

wasanyindication,shewasn’tgoingtohaveavoiceattheendofthenight.

Isupposedthatwasagoodthing.MaybeIcouldactuallygetsomesleepinmyroom

forachange.

“It’s nice,” I said, downplaying my feelings. I didn’t want Amber to think I was

actually impressed with the Victorian-style house that was in fantastic condition. The

turretreachedintotheskyasifitwerewavingalargehandatme,beckoningmeinside.

The many shades of blue accented different parts of the house, and it even had the

Victorianerafishscaleshinglesatthepeakofthehouse.

Amberhadbeenrightaboutonething,thegirlspassingusonthesidewalktoward

the house were dressed in much skimpier clothing than we were. I secured the buttons

hiding the rest of my “outfit”, making sure they were clasped tightly as we walked up

towardthehouse.

“Ican’tbelieveI’mhere,”Ambersaidforthefifthtimeintwominutes.

“Me neither,” I said for an entirely different reason. My hands were damp and

clammy,andItriedtoswallowaroundthelumplodgedinmythroat.

We walked up the couple steps onto the porch where several shirtless guys were

checkingoutthepeopleentering.Theyhadtheletters,“AKA”writtenacrosstheirchests

in paint. Two of them were in a few of my classes so they must have been pledges this

year.IheardrumorsaboutthehazingprocessincollegeGreeksocieties,andIwonderedif

theyhadbeensubjecttoanyofthat.Thoughtheyseemedhappyenoughtonight,getting

thefirstglimpsesofthegirlscomingtotheirparty.

I let out a shaky breath. If I felt out of place already, I wasn’t prepared for going

inside.

Thelightswereoff,yetthemainroomwasaglowwithtinytwinklelightsallover

the place. There were random strips of black lights that made the people standing

underneathappearoutofanightmare,theirgreenglowingteethmenacinginthedark.As

“FreakyFriday”wasthetheme,theynailedthe“freaky”partonthehead.

“Come on,” Amber said, tugging me along. If she weren’t there with me, I would

haveturnedaroundandrunbacktomydorm.Butwithherbymyside,Iallowedherto

bringmearounddeeperintothehouse.

Wewalkedthroughthekitchenintothebackyard.Westeppedoutontoapatio,the

heelsIborrowedfromAmberscrapedalongthestone.

IstumbledovermyfeetwhenIcaughtsightofhim.

“Ohmygod,”Isaid.

“What?”Amberasked,leadingthewaytothekeg.

Itookasecondlookandmadesureitwashim.

“AlexFuller,”Isaid,mycheeksburning.

“WhoisAlexFuller?”sheasked.

“ThePresidentofAKA!”someguyyelled.

I ducked out of the way so that Alex wouldn’t look in my direction after being

calledout.

“YouknowthePresidentofthefrat?”Amberasked,hereyessparkling.

“I don’t know him,” I said, gnawing on my lower lip. I peeked out from behind

severalbiggerguystoseeAlexstandingwithagroupofhisfriends.Hehadthatcharming

smileonhisface,theonethatsaidhewasbetterthaneveryoneelse.EventhoughIusually

didn’tgoforguyslikehim,hewashardnottodroolover.“He’sinmyaccountingclass.”

“Thesenioraccountingclass?”Amberasked.“Youreallygoallindon’tyou?”

“I’mnotin,”Isaid,unabletohidethesmilefrommyface.

“Youshouldgotalktohim,”shesaid,nudgingmewithherelbow.

“Noway!”Isaid.“HehasnoideawhoIam.”

“Maybeyoushouldintroduceyourself.”

“I’donlyembarrassmyself,”Isaid.Iwastooshytotalktohim.Besides,Iwasway

outofhisleague.

Chapter3

Alex

ThebeerwascoldagainstmythroatasItookanotherswig.Isurveyedmypartyand

nodded my head. Another success. With the music pumping and the unlimited booze

flowing,thiswasboundtobeanotherfantasticnight.Everygirlthatwalkedbydrewmy

attention.FreakyFridayalwaysbroughtoutthebestincampuscreativity.Thegirlsalways

wenttheextramilewhichmadetheircostumesshortonfabricandlongonbareskin.

Everysingleoneofthemlookedmywayastheypassed.Whetherornottheyknew

my status in the frat, my costume matched theirs in many ways. I needed a distraction

from failing out of business school, so I attached a lion’s tail to a pair of bright yellow

briefsandworeapairoffurryears.Theladieslovedcheckingoutmytonedbodyasmuch

asIenjoyedcheckingouttheirs.Ihadmypickofthecrowd;Ijusthadtofindthelucky

girl.

“Anotherbeer?”oneofmypledgesasked.

“Sure,Greg,”Isaidwithoutlookingathim.

Tonight they didn’t fall in with the theme of Freaky Friday. They were here to

advertise our fraternity by wearing our letters on their bodies. When anyone took

photographs,ournamewouldbealloverthisepicparty.

Hehandedmetheredsolocupandscootedaway,offtofindanotherbrotherfora

refill.

The two girls from my Cost Accounting class just came out of the house. I had

invited them after class that morning. I quickly texted two of my brothers and let them

know the girls were here. Their costumes left little to the imagination, and I knew I’d

neverbeabletolookatthemthesameagain.Theywereonthehunttonight,andIknew

twoguyswhoweregoingtohavetheirhandsfullwiththem.

Typically, I’d picked a girl by now, but tonight something was off. That asshole

Tarringtongotintomyheadaboutfailingclass.

I finished off my beer and tossed the cup into the garbage can nearby. I needed

somethinghardertonight.Somethingtotakemymindoffofthatdumbclassandgetmein

the partying mood. I didn’t see any pledges nearby, but that was okay. Maybe another

strollaroundthepartywouldgivemeanotherlookatthegirls.Oneofthemwouldhaveto

catchmyeye,orI’dpicksomeonerandom.Ineededtogetschooloutofmyhead.

Iwashalfwayacrosstheyardwhenapledgecamerunninguptome.Brianwashis

name.“Doyouneedarefill?”

“It’sabouttime,”Isaid,pretendingtobeannoyed.Ihadtokeepupmyreputation

forthenewbies.Deepdown,Iwasasoftie.

“Yes,”Isaid.“Vodkasoda.”

Hebobbedhishead.“Rightaway.”

Therewereseveralemptychairsnearthedancefloor,soImademywayoverand

sat.Withmyvantagepoint,Iwassuretofindagirlforthenightinthemassofgyrating

bodies.

Iwasmomentarilydistractedbyacurvybrunettewhensomethinglandedinmylap.

No,notsomething,someone.

Ileanedforward,protectingmyselfasaheadofblondehairwrithedaround.

“Whoa,there,”Isaid,helpinghersitup.Shewaslightinmyarms.

Shesatupandlookedatme,herblueeyeswideandfrightened.Icouldseedown

thefrontofherlabcoat.Underneathsheworeonlyapairofblackpantiesandabra.

Suddenly,mybriefsweretoorestricting.

“Sorry,”shesaid,fumblingtomoveawayfromme.Shewasclearlytooyoungand

inexperiencedtobehere.Definitelyafreshman.

“Here,”Freddy,oneofmysophomorebrothers,saidtoher.Hetriedtohelpherup

withonehandwhilehethrustasolocupintoherfreehand,beerspillingovertheside.He

drenchedthefrontofherlabcoat.

“Shoot,”shesaid,settlingonmylap,attemptingtowipeofftheliquid.

Ilickedmylips,watchingFreddytrytoputthemovesonthisfreshmangirl.They

wereprimepickingsformybrothers,butforsomereason,Ididn’twanthimtohavethis

one.TherewassomethingaboutherthatIwantedformyself.

Iwrappedmyarmaroundherwaist,drawingherclosetome.Herskinwassmooth

undermyhand,andIstrokedthetopofherlegasItoldFreddytogetlost.

Wiping the boozy smile from his face, he walked away, his shoulders drooping. I

feltnoremorse.He’dhavenoproblemfindingsomeoneelse.

“Thanks,” she said, trying to sit up straighter. I held her against me still and

reluctantlyloosenedmygripalittle.

“Areyouokay?”Iasked.

Sheshovedherblondehairawayfromherface,tuckingitbehindherears.Thetips

curled up brushing against the bottom of her ears. “His dancing was a little too

enthusiasticformytaste,”shesaidwithalittlelaugh.“I’msorryItrippedoveryourfeet.

HopeIdidn’tbreakanythingwiththesespikes.”

Even though I wore flip flops, she barely grazed my feet earlier. I wondered how

drunk she was. Though, she didn’t have the same squinted eyes and slurred speech that

mostofthedrunkgirlsgotafterseveraldrinks.Wasshejustclumsy?

“It’sfine,”Isaid.

“Good,”shesaid,hereyesavoidingmine.

Ireleasedherfrommygripcompletely,tiltingherheaduptominewithonefinger.

“DoIknowyou?Youlookveryfamiliar.Wereyouatanotherpartythisyear?”

“I’veneverbeenherebefore,”shesaidevasively.

I shook my head. Not from here, then. “On campus?” I couldn’t imagine that she

wasinanyofmyclasses,shewasclearlyafirstyear.

Shelickedherlips,trappingtheloweroneunderherteeth.

HowIwantedtodragmyteethoverthoselipstoo.

“We’reinthesameCostAccountingclass,Ithink,”shesaid.

She didn’t think, she knew. And so did I. Realization flooded my mind. The little

blonde that sat in the front of the classroom. That’s where I recalled seeing her twice a

weekfortheentiresemester.Inhersexyoutfit,shelookedmuchdifferentthanshedidin

class.Myneedforhergrewasaplanformedinmymind.

Chapter4

Lily

Alex’sblueeyesdrewmeinashequestionedhowheknewme.Icouldn’tbelieve

thathedidn’trecognizeme,butwhywouldafirst-yearstudentevenappearonhisradar?I

triedtoleadhimintohowheknewme,butIcouldn’thidethefactthatIdidknowhim.

DidIappeartooeageranddesperateforhim?Itriedtomoveawayfromhim,butIcould

barelybreathewithhisarmsoclosetomybody.Theheatradiatingoffofhiminwaves

warmedmyinsides.

Hischestwastoned,andnotaninchoffatmarredhisperfectbody.Thoselittlecat

earsmixedwithhisphysiquemadehimlooklikealionreadyforthekill.WasIhisprey?

Admittedly,Ididn’tmind.

A sharp pain cut through my hand and I looked down, not realizing I’d dug my

fingernailsintomypalms.CouldhetellhownervousIwas?HeprobablythoughtIlooked

ridiculousinthisoutfit,thoughInoticedhiseyeswanderingdownmylabcoat.Asmuch

as my brain wanted me to cover up and run away, traitorous tingles danced across my

skin.NeverinamillionyearsdidIthinkthatI’dspeaktoAlexnevermindsitonhislap

withhimlookingasifIwashisnextmeal.Thesensationwasstrangeyetamazingatthe

sametime.

“You’rethegirlwhositsinthefrontoftheclass?”heasked.“Theonewhogetsall

thehighgradesonthetests?”

Mycheeksburned.Therewentmyattemptatbeinglikablebythishunk.NowIwas

backtobeingthenerdeveryonethoughtIwas.

“Idookay,”Isaid.“I’mLily.”

“Alex,”hesaidasifanyonedidn’tknowhim.“You’reafreshman?Howdidyouget

intoaseniorlevelclass?”

Iswallowed.Ididn’twanttoliebuttellinghimthetruthwoulddefinitelymakehim

think I was a bigger nerd. But I wasn’t one to lie. His blue eyes pierced through me,

forcing me to open my mouth and reveal everything about myself. “Technically I’m a

sophomore.”

Hisheadcockedtotheside.“Really?”

Idroppedmygazetomyhandsclaspedinmylap.“Ihadenoughcreditstojumpa

class.Sothisismyfirstyear,butI’llgraduateinthreeinsteadoffour.”

Icringedontheinside,fullyexpectinghimtomakeanexcusetoleave.Thiswasa

party, not an interview. Studying all the time, I was really out of practice on how to

communicatewithpeople.

“That’s interesting,” he said. “I know you do well. Professor Tarrington always

seemspleasedwhenhehandsbackyourwork.”

“Well,mathcomeseasilytome,”Isaid,diggingmynerdholedeeper.

“What’syouraverageintheclass?”heasked,raisinghiseyebrows.

Mytoescurledinmytoo-tightheels.“I’maveraginganA.”

“That’sawesome,”hesaid.

“Isit?”

“Sure,”hesaid.

“Thanks,”Isaid,stillwaitingfortheballtodrop.

“CanIaskyousomething?”hesaid,takingmyhandinhis.

Itriedtokeepmyeyesonhisandnotourintertwinedhands.“Sure.”

“Wouldyoubewillingtotutorme?”

A weight settled in my stomach before exploding into an uncontrollable fluttering

sensation.“YouwantmetohelpyouinCostAccounting?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’m failing, and I need your help. You obviously

understandthecurriculum.”

Myjawdropped.Didthesexiestguyontheplanetreallyjustaskmetotutorhimin

accounting?MeaningIwouldseehimoutsideofclassonaregularbasis?

Achokedsoundescapedmylips,mymouthunabletoformwords.

Theydidn’thaveto.

Alexleanedforwardandcoveredmymouthwithhis.Hishandreachedout,cupping

mycheekashiswetlipsmovedovermine.Hetastedlikebeer.Normally,Iwasn’tafanof

thedrink,buttonightIabsolutelywas.Histonguesnakedintomymouth,andmyinsides

bloomedwithpleasure.

Whenhepulledawayfromourtoo-shortkiss,myeyesflutteredopen.

He stroked a chunk of my hair, eliciting another wave of pleasure that cascaded

frommyheadallthewaydowntothetipsofmytoes.“Please?Ireallyneedtopassthis

class.”

“Okay,” I whispered, feeling as if we were the only two people in the world. Did

everyonehavethisfeelingaftertheirfirstofficialkiss?HowcouldIsaynotohimafter

that?

Themomentpassedquickly,andbeforeIknewit,thesoundsofthepartyaroundus

camebackinfullforce.Thedeafeningsoundofthemusichurtmyears,andtheflickering

lightsfromtheDJboothmademyeyeswater.

“Awesome,”hesaid,grinning.Histeethweresowhiteandperfectlystraight.

Mygazetraveledbacktohis,andbeforeIcouldtakeanotherbreath,hislipswere

on mine again. That kiss was shorter, a peck almost, but definitely still as sweet as the

first.

Myentireworldshifted,andIrealizedhestoodup,holdingmeagainsthim.Hewas

muscular,butIdidn’tknowhowstronghewas.HeheldmyweightasifIwerenothing.

He held my waist and placed me on my wobbly legs. My knees were weak,

practicallyjellyatthatpoint.Icouldhaveblamedmesittingforsolong,butIknewitwas

becauseofthatmind-blowingkiss.NowonderIalwayssaweveryonemakingoutinthe

quad and other random places on campus, it felt amazing and opened up a part of me I

neverknewwashidden.Ilickedmylips,needingtotastemoreofhim.

Wordlessly, he took my hand and tugged me alongside him. Was he going to take

me up to his room to kiss me in a more private place? Was I ready for that? He was an

experiencedpresidentofafraternity,wasIreadytotakeittothenextlevel?Mynerves

gotthebestofmeandasIwasabouttotellhimthatwhenhespoke.

“Youshouldgohome,”hesaid.“Youdon’tbelonghere.”

Mymouthdriedup,thelingeringtasteofhimturnedsouronmytongue.“What?”

“Iwantyoutogo,”hesaid.

A painful tightness wrapped around my throat like someone was choking me. “I

needtostaywithmyfriend.”

What was going on here? First, he was kissing me and asking me to be his tutor,

nowhewantedmetoleave?WasIthatbadofakisser?

“Whoisyourfriend?”heasked,haltinginhisplace.

“She’sthenurse,”Isaid,scanningthearea.Amberwasonthedancefloor,grinding

herbuttagainstsomeguy’scrotch.

A sharp whistle caught my attention, and I whirled around as Alex flagged down

two of the shirtless guys with ‘AKA’ written on their chests. They scurried over like

servants.

“Get that girl over here,” Alex said to them, pointing in Amber’s direction. “The

nurse.”

TheysprintedovertoAmber.

Heat whipped through my body, emanating from Alex’s hand still clasped with

mine.

Amber’ssurprisedexpressionmademychesthurt.Ididsomethingwrongandnow

the both of us were getting kicked out of the party. Amber would never forgive me for

this.

Thetwofratguysbroughtherovertome.Hereyessearchedmineforananswerthat

Icouldn’twrapmywordsaround.

Alexletgoofmyhandandgrabbedmyarminstead.Hisgripwasn’ttightenoughto

hurt,buthemeantbusiness.Heatflashedbehindmyeyesasheandtheothertwoledus

throughthehouseandoutthefrontdoor.

Whenwewereinthefrontyard,hefinallyletgoofmeandstaredmedown.“Go

backtothedorm.Now.”

Andwiththat,heturnedandheadedbackinside.

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmysuddenlychilledbody.

“Whatwasthatallabout?”Amberasked.“Weren’tyoujustmakingoutwithhim?”

My stomach rolled as I watched Alex’s body disappear in the throng of people

insidethefrathouse.WhereIhadbeenwarmbefore,Ifeltasifadark,snowycloudhad

appearedovermyhead,chillingmetothebone.

Iturnedonmyheel,notwantingAlextoseehowupsetIwasifhechangedhismind

andracedafterme.WhowasIkidding?Hewouldn’tcomeafterme.Thiswasn’tamovie

wheretheseniorguyfellforalowlyfirst-year.

All the way home, Amber questioned me about what happened. There were no

wordstoexplain.

Eventually, she stopped asking. I was sure the frown shaping my lips helped her

understand that I had no idea either. I knew she probably thought that I said something

wrongandletitgo.Thoughshewasn’tasupsetasIthoughtshe’dbe.Fortheremainder

ofthetime,shetoldmethatshegotafewnumbersfromthefratbrothersandhopedthat

therewouldbeanotherinvitetotheirparties.

Deepdown,Iknewshewastryingtomakemefeelbetter,butIcouldn’thelpfeeling

hurtaboutwhathadhappened.HowwasIgoingtofacehiminclassnextweek?

Chapter5

Alex

The next morning, I rolled over, feeling the after-effects of the three vodka sodas

thatIdownedthenightbeforeafterseveralcupsofbeer.Ireachedintothesidetableand

openedthedrawer,myeyelidsbarelyopen.Thiswasn’tmyfirstrodeo.Igrabbedasmall

pillbottleandpoppeditopen,pouringtwoofthecapsulesintomypalm.

I fisted them in my hand and sat up, keeping my eyes closed so that the room

wouldn’tspin.OnceIgotupfromthebed,Icrossedtheroomtothesmallrefrigeratorand

grabbedacoldbottleofwater.Iswiggedtheentirethingdownalongwiththepills.

Next,proteinshake.

Hangovers were a thing of the past for me. After joining AKA, I learned quickly

howtogetridofthemsoIcouldbeafunctioningmemberofsociety.

I opened my door and stepped over one of my pledges who was passed out in the

hallway.Helaidonhissideandthesteadyriseandfallofhisbackeasedmymindthathe

wasgoingtobeokay.

IglancedatBret’scloseddoorwithasockontheknob.Igrinned.Atleastoneofus

hadagoodtime.AftermeetingandkissingLily,shewasallIcouldthinkabout.Noone

would have guessed from the way I cut across the dance floor the rest of the night, but

with her in my pocket, I knew I had to buckle down. Dealing with some chick this

morningwasonlygoingtogetinmyway.

It wasn’t just Bret who had a good time last night. On the way to the kitchen, I

walkedoverseveralpassedoutmembersofthefratandotherpartygoers.Atleastnoone

wasdrinkinganddriving.Thehousewascloseenoughtothecampustoallowforpeople

to walk over while not having to deal with campus security when our parties were too

loud.

Thankfullynoonepassedoutinthekitchen,soIwasgivenamomentofpeaceto

walkaroundthespace.Thankfully,Iworeflipflopssincethefloorwasincrediblysticky

from spilled drinks and other unmentionables. The pledges had a long weekend of

cleaningaheadofthem.

I never went anywhere in the house on the weekends without shoes on. It was a

mistakeyouonlymadeonce.

Imeasuredthepowderofmyproteinmixandaddedthatandafewotheritemsto

the blender before turning it on. After taking aspirin, the next step to hangover freedom

was hydrating with extra protein. Adding lost nutrients to my body would clear it up

withinanhour.Then,Iwouldgettoworkonmyassignmentsfortheweekend.

I walked back to my room as a million thoughts raced through my head. There

weren’tanyplansforapartytonightatourhouse,butIwassureBretwouldinformmeof

atleastonegoingon.Ihopedtogetmyassignmentsdonefornextweek,soIcouldenjoy

myself.

Speaking of Bret, the door burst open just as I finished mixing the shake. Bret

stumbled into the room, his eyes were like slits, and his hands were in front of him,

blockingthesunpeekingthroughthesidewindow.

“Bro,gettheshades,”hesaid.

Ichuckledandcrossedtheroom,loweringtheshades.“Roughnight?”

“Howareyouevenfunctioningrightnow?”Bretasked,leaningagainstthecounter.

Hisskinwasgray,andhelookedasifheweregoingtothrowup.

“Practice,myfriend,”Isaidclappingahandonhisshoulder.

He groaned, and I laughed. “By next year when you’re in my spot, you’ll have it

down.”

“Ihaveitdown,”hesaid,attemptingtostandupstraighter.“Ievensleptwithahot

chicklastnight.”

“Whatwashername?”Iasked,pouringtwoglassesoftheshake.

“Ihavenoidea,”Bretsaid.“Ican’tbebotheredwithdetailslikethat.”

“Oryoucan’tremember,”Isaid,gulpingdowntheshake.

“There’sthattoo,”hesaid,sippingfromtheglass.Hecringed.

“Drinkitall,”Isaid,tippingtheglassbackforhim.“You’llfeelfitasafiddlesoon

enough.”

“Doubtthat,”hesaidafterchokingdownthefinalsip.“Whatareyoudoingtoday?”

“Ihavetocatchuponsomehomework,”Isaid.

He stood up, already looking a little better, at least the correct color of his skin

reappeared in his cheeks. “I’m going to go Round Three with what’s-her-face. See you

later,bro.”

Ipressedmylipstogether,suppressingasmile.Mustbenice…

Evenwithaclearerhead,Iwasstillunabletomakesenseofmynotesfromclass.

MyhandwritingwasillegibleandwhatIcouldreadmadenosenseatallwhichwaspar

for the course with that class. I raked my hands through my greasy hair with frustration

andshovedtheworkawayfromme.

Ashowerwouldclearmyhead.IknewIwasprocrastinatingagain,butI’dneverbe

abletogetthroughthehomeworkwithoutfeelingclean.

Iwasabouttoheadacrossthehalltothebathroomwhenmyphonerang.

Iwhirledaround.Itwastheringtonesetforhome.IknewifIdidn’tpickupright

awayMomwouldthinktheworst.Shealreadyhadenoughtoworryaboutfromherfailing

sonotherthanifIwasaliveornot.

Isighedandpickedupmycell.“Hey,Mom.”IhopedIsoundedconvincingenough

forhertonotaskaboutmystudies.

“Hi,Alex,”shesaid.“Howareyou?”

“Fine,”Isaid.“Justabouttogetintotheshower.CanIcallyou—”

“Iwantedtocheckinwithyoutoseehowschoolwasgoing?”

“Oh,”Isaid.“Everythingisfine.”

“Yousaidthatalready,”shesaid,hervoicegoingflat.

Irubbedmyforehead.“Becauseeverythingisfine,Mom.”

“What’swrong?”sheasked.“Icantellwhensomethingisoff.”

Shemightaswellhavestoodinfrontofmetoaskthat.Herpowersofperception

borderedonpsychic.

“I’mnotdoingsowellinCostAccounting,”Isaid,finallyopeningup.She’dfind

out soon enough when my grades came in. At least if I got some money from her for a

tutor, she might not be as disappointed at the end of the semester. I hated to ask her for

moremoneythanshealreadyshelledoutformeonamonthlybasis.

“Howbad?”sheasked.

“ProfessorTarringtonsuggestedIgetaprivatetutor,”Isaid.

Therewasalongsighfromtheotherend.Itwasn’tasifIwantedtobehorribleat

theclass,Ijustdidn’tunderstandtheconcepts.Iwasnevergreatatacademics.Itwasmy

athletic ability that got me into school. She didn’t need to work to make me feel worse

thanIalreadydid.

“Wheredoyouexpecttogetthemoneytopayforthat?”sheasked.

“You know I don’t have time to work,” I said. Between classes, practice, and my

AKAduties,therewasbarelyenoughtimetosleep.

“Ithinkyouneedtostartprioritizingwhat’simportanttoyou,Alex,”shesaid.AndI

knewthelecturewasstarting.Isatonmybed,waitingforhertodivein.“Yourfatherand

I can barely afford the costs of your fraternity life. Is your scholarship in jeopardy with

this class? You know we can’t afford to make up that cost. And with only one semester

remaining,I’dhateforyoutohavetodropoutbecauseofthat.”

“Mom,”Isaidsharply.Ineededhertostopfreakingout.Iwastwenty-twoyearsold.

Icouldhandlethis.Andsheneededtostarttrustingme.Lily’sfacepoppedintomyhead.I

wouldmakeitworkwithher.Therehadtobeacompromiseforhertohelpmewithout

costing Mom more than her means. “I have this under control. My scholarship isn’t in

danger.Iwillbuckledownfortherestoftheyearandmakeyouproud.”

“Youalwaysmakemeproud,”shesaidafteramoment.“Ican’thelpbutworry.Iam

yourmother.”

“Iknow,”Isaid.“AndIloveyou.ButIreallyhavetogonow.”

“Okay,callmewhenyoucan.”

“Iwill.”

Itossedmyphoneontothebed,mynervesabundleinmystomach.Iglancedatmy

shoes.Screwtheshower.Ineededtoletoutthenegativeenergyandtheonlywaytodo

thatwastorunitoff.MaybeafterIclearedmyhead,mynoteswouldmakemoresense.

I changed into running shorts and slipped on my sneakers. Even though the sun

wasn’tasblazingasitwasinthesummerinDallas,Ithrewonatanktoptoprotectmost

ofmychestfromapotentialburn.Sofar,itwasamildDecember,butIwasn’twillingto

takethatchancewithmybody.

Even though there were plenty of side streets to jog down, I liked to make an

appearanceoncampuswhenIcould.Livingoff-campuscreatedaseparationandIhadto

keep in touch with other students outside of class so our parties would remain as well

attendedaspossible.

Several girls looked my way, and I made a point to check them out as well. My

reputationwasparamount,andIhadtoadmitthatIwaslookingforonegirlinparticular.

Outside the library, I found her. I wasn’t sure who was surprised more, her or me.

Shewasn’tdressedassexyaslastnight,butIwashappythatIhadalookathersmoking

bodywhenIdid.Fromhereonout,ithadtobestrictlyprofessionalbetweenus.Icouldn’t

disappointmyfamilybecauseIcouldn’tcontrolmyselfaroundafirstyearstudent.Even

thoughshewasconsideredasophomore,shewastechnicallyafreshmantotheschool.I

grew out of that phase two years ago, and I couldn’t slip back to my old ways with my

gradesontheline.

As I approached her, she slowed, and her eyes widened. Even with no makeup on

and her hair tied back into a tight bun, she had something special about her. I typically

wentforthegirlsthattookthetimetolookprettybutthenaturallooksuitedLilybetter

thanthat.

“Hi,”Isaid,slowingdown.Ipacedaroundher,keepingmyheartrateup.

“Hi,”shesaid,tighteningherhandsaroundherbooks.

“Iwashopingtorunintoyou.”

“Youwere?”

“Of course,” I said. “I wanted to hammer down the logistics for the tutoring

sessions.”

Sheletoutachokingsound.

“Whatisit?”Iasked.“Didyouchangeyourmind?”

Her eyebrows knitted together and my heart dropped. I hoped that she hadn’t

changed her mind. This delicate girl was my only hope of passing Cost Accounting and

graduatingontime.

Chapter6

Lily

ItwashardtobelievethatAlexcouldgetanyhotter.WhenIsawhimjoggingfrom

across the small courtyard between buildings, I was sure he’d keep going, ignoring me

completely. But when he started in my direction with that gorgeous grin of his, I nearly

droppedmybooksinsurprise.

Hejoggedaroundmeinalittlecircle.Itwashardtokeepmyeyesonhisinsteadof

hissweatybody.

AllnightIthoughtabouthimandhisstrangebehavior.First,hewantedmetotutor

him.Theideawastoounbelievabletobetrue,whichheprovedwhenhekickedAmber

andmeoutoftheparty.Shebarelyspoketomeallmorningaboutit,andIdidn’tbotherto

breach the subject with her since I still had no idea what happened. While I wanted to

study in my room, her cleaning up her mess was far more distracting than her music.

WhichwaswhyIhidinthelibraryformostofthemorning.

Nowherehewas,askingwhenwe’dbeabletostart.

“Ididn’tchangemymind,”Isaid.“Ijustdidn’tthinkyouwereserious.”

“Whywouldn’tIbeseriousaboutgettinghelpfromthesmartestandmostbeautiful

girlinclass?”

Mycheeksburned,andIpressedmyhandagainstonetocalmmybodydown.The

temperaturefeltmorelikeFallthanitdidallsemester,helpingcoolmedownabit.“I’m

wonderingwhyyouforcedthemostbeautifulgirlinclasstoleavethepartylastnight.”

Heshruggedandstartedtostretchhislegsasifitwasn’tabigdeal.“Ourpartiesget

alittlewild,andIwasconcernedforyou.Youwereclearlyoutofyourelement.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as my spine stiffened. I adjusted the

books in my hands again, wishing I would have borrowed Amber’s backpack that

morning.“Icanhandlemyselfwithoutababysitter,thankyouverymuch.”

“Iwasn’timplying—”

“Ishouldgo,”Isaid,turningawayfromhimandbacktowardmydorm.

“Wait,”hesaid.Heranovertomeandstoodinfrontofme,blockingmyway.

Iliftedmychin,daringhimtosaysomethingthatwouldexplainhisactions.“What,

Alex?”

“Youdon’twanttotutormenow?”heasked.

Ofcourse,Iwantedtotutorhim.Spendingtimewithhimoutsideofclasswouldbe

adreamcometrue,especiallyifitinvolvedmorekissing.Buthisactionsfromthenight

beforeweren’tcool.Washegoingtotreatmelikeachildwhenhisfriendswerearound?I

wasn’tsureanyamountofkissingcouldmakeupforfeelinglikethisallthetime.

“I have a lot on my plate this semester,” I said, glancing over his shoulder. I was

neveragoodliar.SureIhadalotonmyplate,butIknewhowtobalancemyschedule.

“I’msorry,butIdon’tthinkI’llhaveenoughtime.”

I tried to move past him, but he placed his hand on my shoulder, stopping me in

place.

Mybookssuddenlyliftedfrommyarms.Alexcarriedthemasifhewerecarryinga

pillowunderhisarm.Idroppedmyhandstomysides,suddenlyunawareofwhattodo

withthem.

“Please,”hesaid.

Iglancedupathim,craningmyneck.Thedesperationinhisvoicewaspalpable.I

wantedtomakesurehewasasseriousashesounded.Withthesunbehindme,thelight

fromthestaraccentedallofhisfeatures.Hewasnotunlikethesunhimself,outrageously

hotandoutofreach.

“Let’smakeadeal,”hesaid.

Iplacedmyhandonmyhip.“Whatkindofdeal?”

“Ifyou’reconcernedwithattendingsomefratpartiesthenI’lltakeyoutoourthree

hottest parties of the season: The Reindeer Riot, Santa’s Slay, and the Mistletoe

Meltdown.”

“Nicenames,”Isaid,unabletosuppressasmile.

His smile returned. “They might sound corny, but if you want to make an

impression,thosearethepartiestoattend.”

“AndallIhavetodoistutoryou?”Iasked.

“Yes,”hesaid.Hiseyebrowsliftedalittle,expectantly.

Ididn’tcaremuchforparties,butIdidn’tcarethatImadethatimpressiononhim.

This was a way to make last night up to Amber. If Alex guaranteed that we could both

attendthepartiesshe’dbeoverthemoontobeinvitedtonotjustonepartybutthree.

Icouldn’thelpbutimaginebeingonAlex’sarmforthosepartieseither.Goingwith

thehottestguyinschooltothethreebiggesteventsoftheseason,itcouldn’tbesobad,

couldit?

“I’llagreeononeterm,”Isaid.

“Anything,”hesaid,steppingclosertome.

IrecalledhowhisbodyfeltlastnightandItriedhardtoclearthefoginmyheadas

hecameclosertome.IfIweregoingtohelphim,I’dhavetogetovermynervousnessin

hispresence.

Iclearedmythroatandlockedeyeswithhim.“I’lltutoryouinCostAccountingifI

canbringmyroommatetoallthreeparties.”

Heshrugged.“Sure,whatever.”

Ismiled.“Thenit’sadeal.”

Hereachedouthishand,andIshookit.Thenhisheaddippedlowtomineandmy

breathcaughtinmythroat.“Nicedoingbusinesswithyou,Lily.”

I wasn’t ready to let him out of my sight just yet. “How about we meet this

afternoontogetstarted?”

“Canyougivemeanhourtoshowerandchange?”heasked.

Iglancedatmyphone.“I’llseeyouatthestudentunioninanhour.”

Hisheaddippedclosertomine,andforasplitsecond,Isworehewasgoingtokiss

me again. It wasn’t until something pressed against my stomach that I snapped back to

realityandnoticedhewashandingmybooksbacktome.Theyfeltheavierinmyarmsas

IwatchedAlexjogawayfrommeasquicklyashehadappeared.

Chapter7

Alex

WithBretinoursharedshowerwhenIarrivedhome,Ibarelymadeitbacktothe

student union in time to meet with Lily. He always took the longest showers, which

annoyedmetonoend.IhopedLilydidn’tthinkIwasaslackerbecauseIwasaminute

later than our arranged time. Bret was almost as bad as a chick when it came to taking

longshowers.

Butshedidn’tsayanythingasIslidintotheseatacrossfromher.Shechoseatable

farawayfromthemainentrance.IwantedtothinkitwassothatIwouldn’tbedistracted

sincetherewereplentyofemptytablesclosertothesmallcafeacrosstheroom,thehubof

thebuilding.

Shecoveredthesurfaceofthetablewithbooksandpapers.

I grinned at her, hoping she’d forgive me for last night—since she seemed rather

upsetaboutmeforcinghertoleave—andforgivemytardiness.

Her cheeks turned a shade of pink, and I knew keeping this girl on my good side

wouldbeeasy.Iknewthatlookfromherwasthesamethatothergirlsgavemewhenthey

were around me. She was dazzled by my good looks, and it was evident I had quite an

effectonher,onethatIcouldusetomyadvantage.Sheseemedalittlehesitanttocometo

myparties,butaslongasIplayedmycardsright,I’dpassCostAccountingatalowcost

tomyself.

I wondered if that concept was one discussed in class. Did my profitability grow

alongwithherpopularity?Itwasawinforbothofus.

“What particular aspects of the class are you having the most trouble with?” she

asked. “That way we don’t need to waste a lot of time on subjects that you’re already

familiarwith.”

“Umm,”Isaid,scratchingmychin.Ineededtoshave.Theskinwaspricklyaround

myface,andIwasonlyhalfsurethatitwasfromembarrassment.“Ihaven’tdonewellon

anyexamthissemester.”

“Okay,” she said without any judgment. It was a much different experience than

whenItoldMomaboutmygrades.

Lilyflippedtothefrontofourtextbookandmovedtheotherreferencebooksasides.

Withthatsubtlemovement,myshouldersrelaxed.Beingaroundsomanybooksmademy

musclestense,notsomethingIwantedtohappenaroundabeautifulgirl.Ihadareputation

toprotect.

“I’mgoingtostartwithourquizzesandexams,goingthroughthemwillstreamline

theprocessforwhatProfessorTarringtonislookingforwiththefinalexam.”

AsLilybeganwiththefirstexam,Ifoundithardtokeepmyeyesonthetextshe

showed me. There was a stack of them next to her, all of them with A’s at the top. She

hadn’treceivedonebadmarkonanyofthem.

She was much smarter than I gave her credit for. I knew she was intelligent, but

fromthewaysheswoonedoverme,Ihadalittlereservationabouthertutoringmejustto

getonmygoodside.

My initial impression was proven wrong in a matter of minutes when she started

goingovertheconcepts.Nowondersheskippedanentirecollegegrade.Numberscame

naturaltoher,justassportscameeasilytome.

Lilywasinherelement.ItwasfascinatingtohearhowCostAccountingseemedto

makealittlemoresensethewaysheexplainedit.Whywasn’tsheateacher’saide?Ifshe

stood in front of the class each day, I’d definitely pay more attention. Especially if she

worethatsexydoctor’soutfit.

“Alex,”shesaid,herlipsformingaroundmyname.

“Yeah?”

“Ithinkyoushouldtakesomenotes,”shesaid.

Ifinallymethereyesandblinked.Shelookedslightlyannoyed,andIrealizedIhad

focusedmoreonherbodypartsthanherwords.

Iclearedmythroatandgrabbedmynotebook,flippingafewpagesin.Iflippedover

thefewpagesthatIwroteinallsemester.Hernotebookwasalmostfullwithherperfect

handwriting.Ifshedidn’talreadythinkIwasaslacker,shewouldnow.

Afterreviewingtheconceptsfromthepreviousunitsinclassforalmosttwohours,I

sawthelightattheendofthetunnel.Shehonedinonmyissueswithoutspeakingtome

as if I were dumb which was the opposite of Tarrington’s methods. If you didn’t

understand him, then too bad. He wasn’t even willing to help me. But I was happy to

followhisadviceandgetatutor.SpendingtimewithLilywasmuchmorefunthanhim.

Heseemedtolosethe“funprofessor”reputationafterhisindiscretion.

“I should get going,” Lily said, closing our primary textbook. The others she used

were a great help as well. Why hadn’t I ever thought to use reference books? Oh, yeah,

because I didn’t care much before today. “You should work on this week’s assignment

tonight.Ithinkyouworkingthroughtheseconceptsonyourownwillhelpsolidifythem

inyourmind.NexttimewemeetIcangooverthemwithyouandmakesuggestions.”

“Canwemeettomorrow?”Iasked.Iwasn’tdesperatetoseeheragain,butIreally

wantedto.Wehadagoodthinggoing,andIdidn’twantallourtimetogotowasteifI

didn’tfullygraspeverythingtonight.

“No,”shesaid.

Ifrowned.“Whynot?”

“I’mheadinghometonight,andIwon’tbebackuntillatetomorrow.”

Iworkedmyjaw.Iwouldn’tseeherfortwodays.Thatwasn’tgoingtoworkforme.

AsmuchasIwantedtocontinueourstreakofmeunderstandingaccounting,Iwantedto

seehermore.Ienjoyedspendingtimewithher,whichsurprisedmemorethanhoweasy

thisclasssoundedaftersheexplainedit.

“So,Mondaythen?”Iasked.

Shedippedherheadoncebutdidn’tverbalizeheragreement.Ihadtoworkonthat.

“IguessI’llseeyoulater,”shesaidonceherbagwaspacked.

I lifted it from the table and slung it over my shoulder. This girl always carried a

back-breakingamountofbooks,andnowIknewwhy.Irecalledthatshecarriedanavy

blue bag with her on a daily basis, but now she had a bright pink one. Had meeting me

changedherpersonalitythatmuchovernight?

“Iwanttowalkyoutoyourdorm,”Isaid.

“Oh,youdon’thaveto.”

“Iknow,Iwantto.”

“Iwasgoingtogetacoffee,”shesaid,indicatingthecafeacrosstheway.

I reached for my wallet. “Let me get it for you. It’s the least I can do for all your

help.”

“Thankyou,”shesaid,crossingherarms.

I grinned. She probably didn’t have anyone doing much for her. She seemed so

independentandsureofherself,atleastinanacademicenvironment.Ihopedtobringher

out of her shell in the time we spent together. Getting to know her was much more fun

thanithadbeenwithanyothergirlinmypast.

Thewalktoherdormwastooshortforme.Iwantedtodragoutourtimeasmuchas

Icould.Theideaofworkingontheassignmentwithouthermademypalmssweat.Being

aroundhermademeunderstandtheclass,butIknewthemomentshewasgonethenI’d

probablyforgeteverythingagain.Bringingahalf-blankassignmenttohermightshowthat

Iwasn’ttakingthisseriously.AndIwas.

Noonewasmoresurprisedaboutthatfactthanme.

“CanIhaveyourcellphone?”Iasked.

“Um,sure?”shesaid,handingitover.

Iquicklyprogrammedmynumberinherphone.Acoupleofgirlswalkedoutofthe

dorm,andtheireyeslingeredonus.Lilychewedonherlip.ShewasgnawingsohardI

wondered if I should have bought her a pastry with her coffee. I smiled to myself

wonderingifIshouldsaythattoher,butIdidn’twanttoruinthegoodthingwehadgoing

foruswithabadjoke.

Isentaquickmessagetomyphonefromhers,andmytexttonesoundedfrommy

pocket.

“Good,”Isaid.“I’lltextyouifIhaveanyquestions.”

“I-Iguess,”shestammered.

Westoodthereawkwardlyforamoment.Iwasunabletoendourtimetogether,and

it didn’t look like she wanted to either. She seemed unsure of me contacting her, but I

wasn’tabouttoletheroutofmylifefordayswithouthavingherinmypocketifIhadany

issues.Withouther,Imightslipbackandwe’dhavetostartalloveragain,whichmight

annoyherenoughtobreakourdeal.

IntypicalAlexfashion,Itookadvantageofthesituationandsteppedclosertoher.

Weweren’tonadateexactly,butIhadtheurgetobeclosertoher.Itookherinmyarms,

thefloralscentofherhairfloodedmynose.Iheldherinmyarmsforamomentbefore

kissinghercheek.IwantedtokissheronthelipsasIdidlastnight,butwehadtokeep

thingsprofessionaluntilIgotwhatIneededfromher.Afterthefinalexam,wecoulddo

whateverourbodiestoldus,butfornow,achastekisswasallIcouldoffer.

Ihopedthatwouldpersuadehertoallowmetocontactherwhileshewasathome,

butIwasn’treadyforhowthejumbleoffeelingsinsidemeaddedtohowgoodshefeltin

myarms.

Chapter8

Lily

Theridehomethatafternoonwasbrutal.Ishouldhaveleftearlierbuttheprospect

ofspendingtimewithAlexwastoogoodtopassup.Thepleadinginhiseyesdidmein.

Throughoutoursession,IknewhestartedtounderstandwhatProfessorTarrington

taught us in class. Our professor was a bit dry which was why I had to work hard with

otherreferencebookstofullyunderstandeverything.IhopedwiththetoolsIhandedover

toAlexthathewouldbeabletofigureitoutonhisown.Ididn’twanthimtocompletely

relyonmetohelphimallthetimesinceIwouldn’tbeabletotakethefinalexamforhim.

Ididwanthimtopasssohewouldn’tthinkIwastedhistimeandtookadvantageeither.

Thetwo-hourtrekturnedintoalmostthree,andbythetimeIpulledupthedriveway,

mytenseshoulderswerenearlytomyears.

I looked forward to sitting down with Grandma’s famous tea and cookies. Since I

toldherIwascominghometoday,Iknewshe’dhaveafreshbatchwaitingforme.Forthe

entiresemester,shekepttellingmeIwastoothinandinsistedIatemyweightsworthof

sweetswhenIwashometofattenmeup.Ididn’targuewithheratall.

Attempting to push the front door open, I was met with resistance from the other

side.

“Grandma?” I called through the crack in the doorway. I pressed my shoulder

against it as I pushed again. My mind immediately went to the worst case scenario as I

imaginedGrandmaonthefloorbehindthedoor.

Mytemperaturespiked.“Grandma!”

“Holdon!”shecalledfrominsidethehouse.

Iletoutasighasmyheartfellbackintoitsnormalrhythm.Somethingslidacross

thefloor,andthedooropenedquickly.

Isteppedoverthethresholdtotakeinthesightinfrontofme.Labeledboxeswere

piledallovertheplace.

“Grandma?”Iasked,turningtoher.

Herblueeyesmetmineasifshewerewaitingformetoputeverythingtogether.She

fluffedthetopofherwhitehairbutsaidnothing.

“What’sgoingon?”Iasked.

“It’squiteobvious,isn’tit?”shesaid.

Her insistence on answering most of my questions with more questions was an

annoyance when I was a kid. It became endearing as a teen because she was the only

familyIhadleftaftermyparentsdied.SheonlydiditwhenIalreadyknewtheanswer,

butIcouldn’twrapmymindarounditatall.

“You’removing?”Iasked.

“Yes,”shesaidwithabroadsmile.“Toanassistedlivingfacility.”

“Why?”Iasked.“Issomethingwrong?Areyousick?”

“Notexactly,”shesaid.

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Ipressed.

“I’m old, Lily,” she said matter-of-factly. “I can’t properly care for a house by

myselfanymore.”

Iwinced.SheneverhadtheseissueswhenIwasathome.WeretheresignsIshould

have seen when I came home last? I was just home for Thanksgiving, and everything

seemedokay.Washerhealthworsethansheledon?

“Icantakeayearofffromschool,”Isaid.“I’llcomehomeandhelpyou.I’msureI

canfindsomecommunitycollegecoursestotake.”

“You’ve sacrificed enough in your life to take care of me,” Grandma said. “I’m

actuallylookingforwardtoleaving.”

“You are? But my dad and me were raised here. You want to let go of those

memories?”

“Ihavephotoalbums,andI’msureyoucanmakeanonlineoneformetolookatifI

everlearnhowtousethatblastedthing.WhereI’mgoing,Idon’thavetocookanymore,

andtheapartmentismuchsmaller.Moremanageableforsomeonelikeme.”

WhenIthoughtofthosehomes,Ialwaysimaginedpeopleinwheelchairsandthose

whowereveryill.Grandmastillhadherwitsabouther.Wouldthatchangeonceshewent

there?

“They also have an athletic facility with a walkers club,” she said as if she knew

whatIwasthinking.WhowasIkidding?Shewaspracticallyamind-readeronherworst

day.Thatdidn’teasemymindaboutherleaving.

“ButwherewillIgoonschoolbreaks?”Iasked.

Shetookmyhandsinhers.Theywerecoolasalways,butrightnowtheyfeltcold

andsodidmyheart.“I’msureyoucanstayoncampus.Socializemore.Itwillbegoodfor

you.Iwon’tbeleavinguntilaftertheNewYearwhenthenewownerscomeinsowecan

haveonemoreChristmashereifyou’dlike.”

“Iwouldlikethat,”Isaid,blinkinghard.Iknewshedidn’ttellmeherplanbecause

Iwouldhavefoughthereachstepoftheway.Shealreadyhadsomeoneelsemovinginto

my home, so this was a long time coming. Even though I hated surprises, she knew me

wellenoughthatithadtobebehindmyback.

“WhatcanIdotohelp?”Iaskedher.Therewasnothingleftformetodoexceptroll

withherdecision.

Laterthatnight,Ilaidawakeinbedstaringatmyceiling.Therewereafewsmall

starstickersthatglowedfromtheceilingwhereIplacedthemwhenIwasten.Therewere

somanymemoriesinthishouse,howwasIevergoingtosaygoodbyeinamonth?

Iturnedover,tryingtogetcomfortablewhenmyphonerang.Isatup.Itwasalmost

nine-thirty,whowouldcallmenow?Grandmahadalreadybeeninbedforanhour,soI

scrambledacrosstheroomtograbmyphonefrommypurse.

“Hello?”Isaidintothephonewithoutlookingatthescreen.WhatdidAmberneed

thislate?Sherarelycalledmeatall,shealwaystexted.Ihopedshedidn’t’needme.Itold

herIwasleaving—

“Lily,”Alex’svoicesaidfromtheotherendoftheline.

“Alex?”

“Yeah,Ineedhelpwiththelastpartoftheassignment.Ittookmesometime,butI

thinkI’mstartingtogetit—”

“This isn’t a good time,” I said, unable to concentrate on school right now after

findingoutaboutGrandmamoving.“CanIcallyoutomorrow?”

“Sure,Iguess,”hesaid.

Ipulledthephonefrommyear,buthesaidsomethingelse.“Whatwasthat?”

“Areyouokay?”Heasked,hisvoicefilledwithconcern.

“I’mfine.”Hewassweettoask,butIwasnotinthemoodtotalktoanyoneabout

anythingrightthen.“Ihavetogo.”

Ihungupthephoneandturneditoff,shovingitbackintomypurse.

I flopped onto the bed and squeezed my eyes closed, willing myself to clear my

mindandgetsomerest.

Thenextmorning,Ifeltalittlebetteraboutthemove.Iwasn’thappyaboutitatall,

butGrandmashowedmethewebsitefortheplace,anditlookedmorelikeacommunity

thanafacility.Thateasedmymindalittle.

“Theyhaveactivitiesscheduledallthetime,soIwon’tbebored,”shesaid,fluffing

a pan of scrambled eggs with a spatula. “I think I’m going to start knitting again and

finallyfinishthatscarfIstartedlastyear.”

Itwasmorelikethreeyearsago,butIdidn’tcorrecther.Foreighty-seven,shewas

sharpasawhip.Shewasgettingolderthoughandhavingpeoplelookafterhereasedmy

mind.I’dhavetomakemoretripsbackhomeeventhoughthatwouldcutintomystudy

time.IwantedhertoknowthatIwouldstillbeinherlifenomatterwhereshelived.

Two slices of toast popped up from the toaster and I buttered them. The kitchen

smelled amazing. The eggs were fluffy and yellow, definitely different from the tray of

themfromthecafeteriathatwasservedeachmorning.

Heatprickedmyeyes.Thingswerechangingallovertheplace,andIwasn’tsureif

IcouldtakeitallaroundChristmas.WouldeveryyearbeareminderofwhatIlost?Ina

way,itwasasifIwerelosingmyparentsalloveragain.

Iplatedourfoodandbroughtitovertothetable.

Iglancedup,hearingabangingoutfront.

“Wasthatthedoor?”Grandmaasked.

“Areyouexpectinganyone?”Iasked.Ifearedthatthemovingcompanygotthedate

wrongandweweregoingtohavetopackupourlivestoday.

“No,”shesaid,settlingdowninherchair.

“I’llgetit,”Isaidandlefttheroom.Ipeekedthroughthewindownexttothedoor

andcamefacetofacewithAlex.

Istoodupstraight,jumpingbackfromtheglass.

Islowlyopenedthedoor.Wasthisreallyhappening?How?

“Alex?”Iasked,afraidIwashallucinatingfromlackofsleep.

He wore a pair of khaki shorts and a tight pale blue t-shirt that showed off his

amazingbody.

“Igotyouraddressfromthestudentdirectory,”hesaid.

“But,why?”Iblurtedout.

Heshovedhishandsinhispockets.“LastnightIcouldtellsomethingwaswrong,

soIwantedtoseeyou.”

Iwasn’tsurehowtofeelaboutthat.Iwaselatedtoseehim,asIwaseverytimehe

wasnearby,andithelpedthathewasconcernedforme,butwhy?Weonlystartedtalking

twodaysago,whatwashismotivationfortravelingtwohourstocheckinonme?

“Youmustbeworriedaboutfailingclasstocomeouthere,”Isaid,tryingtomake

lightofthestrangesituation.

Hechuckled.“Iwouldlikemytutor’smentalstatetobeintactinordertohelpme.”

My chest deflated. I wasn’t sure why I thought there might be something more

betweenus.Heclearlyneededmeformybrainandnothingelse.

Ifthatwasthecase,hemightaswellgohome.ItoldhimthatIwasn’tabletohelp

untillaterintheweek.Itwouldservehimrightforshowingupunannounced.

Grandmacameinfromtheotherroomstrugglingtocarryabox.

“Stop,” I said, rushing toward her. I didn’t need her in the hospital with broken

bones.“I’llget—”

AlexappearedatmysideandgrabbedtheboxbeforeIcould.

“Whatagentleman,”shesaid,preening.

Inarrowedmyeyes.Wewerejustabouttositdownforbreakfast.Shecouldn’twait

afewminutesformetocomeback?

“Whereareyougoingwiththis?”Heasked.

“Thegarage,justthroughthekitchen,”shesaid.“I’mJoanbytheway.”

“Alex,”hesaidwiththatsexygrinofhis.

Whenhewasoutoftheroom,Iturnedtoher.“Whatwasthatabout?”

“Ahandsome,strongboycomesintomyhousehe’sgoingtogettowork.”

Iclampedahandovermymouth,stiflingalaugh.“Iwantedhimtoleave.”

“Don’t be rude, Lily. Now make him a plate of food. He’s going to need his

strength.”

AlexandGrandmatalkedoverbreakfast,barelyallowingmeoneword.Iwatched

thetwoofthem.Hereyeswerebright,andtheycrinkledatthecornersassheprobedhim

forinformationabouthislife.ItookinasmuchasIcould.Hewassopolitetohereven

though she wanted him to help with moving all the boxes out of the house and into the

garage.Hesaidhedidn’tmind,butIknewthat’snotwhyhecamehere.

Whilehedidn’thavetodoanythingforus,hispleasantattitudewarmedmyheart,

andIcouldn’thelpthatmycrushonhimturnedintosomuchmoreinsuchlittletime.I

wasintrouble.

Chapter9

Alex

LilyandImadeplanstostudyagainonTuesday.ItwashardtoagreetothatsinceI

wantedtoseehersooner,butafterbarginginonherlifeonSunday,Ididn’twanttoseem

too desperate. I almost didn’t drive two hours to see her, but after hanging up with her

Saturday night, something was pushing me to make the trip. The strain in her voice

niggledatthebackofmymindbeforeImadethedecision.

IkepttellingmyselfthatIneededhertobeintherightframeofmindtohelpme

passourclass.Ifshewasn’tabletoconcentrateonourworktogether,thenshewouldbe

ofnousetome.Butthatwasn’tthewholetruth.Ihadanurgetowanttoseeherallthe

time,evenwhenweweren’tstudying.MeetingherGrandmothergavememoreinsightto

this amazing girl. I never liked a girl in such a short amount of time before so I knew

withoutadoubtshewasspecialandIwantedtokeepherclosetomeasmuchaspossible.

Shewantedtostudyatthelibrarythistimeasshedidn’twantanydistractions.She

reserved a small study room so we could talk without disturbing the other students. The

roomwasallglass,sowedidn’thavemuchprivacy,butbeinginherpresencewasgood

enoughforme.

First,wewentovertheassignmentthatwasdueattheendoftheweek.

Asshereviewedittoherself,Istaredattheadorablecrinkleofskinatthebridgeof

hernose.

“ThisisbetterthanIexpected,”shesaid.

“Youweren’texpectingmuch,wereyou?”Iasked.

Herjawdropped.“Nothat’snotwhatImeant.”

Isatbackandcrossedmyarms.Shewasevencuterwhenshewasflustered.Itookit

upanotch.

“Youknow,”Isaid.“WhenIpickedyou,Ididn’tthinkyouhatedmesomuch.”

“Idon’thateyou!”Shesaidquickly.

“Sure,sure,”Isaid.“Irecallyourollingyoureyesatmeinclass.You’retoogood

for me, I know it and you know it. I thought you’d be willing to share your knowledge

withadummylikeme.”

Sheopenedhermouthandthencloseditquickly.Theshockinhereyeslessenedto

confusion.“You’remessingwithme,”shesaid,hercheeksreddeningagain.

Igrinned,unabletohideitanymore.

“Ididn’tthinkafratboylikeyouwouldallowyouregotobebruisedsoeasily.”

“Ouch,”Isaid,pressingmyhandtomyheart.“You’reharsh.”

Shegiggledandleanedherheadback.

My eyes dropped to the smooth skin of her neck. I rubbed my fingers together,

rememberinghowherskinfeltundermine.Jumpingbacktothatnightinmymind,those

feelingsrushed back tome. How Iwanted to find amore private partof the library and

continuewithourlittleconversation.

“Anyway,”shesaid,shakingherhead.“Weshouldgetbacktothis.”

“Yes,howdidIdo,teach?”

Shesmiledatme.“I’mnowherenearassmartasourteachersbutthanks.Youdid

really well with the first one here, just a suggestion. Professor Tarrington had an easier

waytogoaboutthisformulathatwilldefinitelyearnyousomepoints.”

“Really?”Iasked.

“Sure,”shesaid.“Helikeswhenpeoplepayattentioninclass.”

“He does?” I slapped my palm on my forehead. “Wow, I had no idea professors

likedwhenwepaidattention.Ifeelliketheselastthreeyearshavebeenawaste.”

Shetappedmeonthearmwiththeeraserendofherpencil.“Ifyoukeepthisupthen

Imightneedtogiveyouamarkwithmyredpen.”

Ileanedcloser.“Wouldyou?”

Shetrappedherlipunderherteethagain.Apulsingheatsnakeddownmybody.

“Ithinkyou’dlikeittoomuch,”shesaidafteramoment.

Ileanedback.“Iwould.”

Sheclearedherthroatandmovedontothenextpieceoftheassignment.Ididn’tdo

sowellonthenextpart,butLilywasconfidentthatIunderstoodalotmorethanIshould

haveforonlyafewhoursofwork.

AsmuchasIneededtoconcentrateontheworkinfrontofme,Ifounditharderthe

more I was around her. Little movements drove me wild; the way she brushed her hair

behindherearsandthewaysheflutteredhereyelasheswhenshewastryingtothinkofan

example to help me understand better. I jotted all of those small tidbits about her in my

memory.

Our time together passed too quickly, and before I knew it, we were finished

working.

“ProfessorTarringtonwillbeimpressedwiththisworktomorrow,”shesaid,closing

herbook.

“Ihopehedoesn’tthinkIcheated.”

Sheshookherhead.“Ididn’tgiveyoutheanswers.Youcametothemyourself.If

youneedmetotalktohimforyou?”

“No,”Isaid.“I’mgood.”Forsomereason,Ididn’twanthimtolikeheranymore

thanhedidashisprizedstudent.

“Soaboutthisweekend,”shesaidasshefinishedpackingherthings.“Whattimeis

theReindeerRiotonFriday?”

I turned away from her, pretending to look through my notes. I ground my teeth

together. I completely forgot about that part of the deal. Now that I knew her better, I

didn’twantheranywherenearmybrothersortheotherfratguysthatattendedourparties.

“I’mnotsureifyougoingtothatisagoodidea.”

Sheplacedahandonherhip.“Whynot?”

“It just isn’t,” I said firmly. How could I tell her that over the span of less than a

weekIwantedherformyself?She’dneverbelieveme,andIcouldn’tmessupthegood

thingwehadgoingbetweenus.

“What’sgoingon,Alex?”sheasked,crossingherarms.Shestoodbetweenmeand

thedoor,andIdoubtedshe’dletmeoutwithoutanexplanation.Overthelastfewdays,

herconfidencearoundmegrew.WhileshewasabletoflirtwithmeasmuchasIflirted

withher,shewasn’tasshyasshehadbeen.“Wasn’tthatthedealbetweenus?”

“Yeah—”

“Three parties and you get a passing grade in Cost Accounting,” she interrupted.

“I’ve done my part of the deal, and I plan on continuing until the end of the semester.

Unlessyouwanttorenegeontheentirething?”

“No,” I said quickly. I had to pass this class. For myself and my parents. Failing

wasn’tanoption.

“So?”sheasked,draggingthewordout.

Isighed.“So,I’llseeyouFridaynightatthehouse.”

“Good,” she said and shouldered her new forest green backpack. “I’ll see you

tomorrowinclass.”

“Seeyou,”Isaid,watchingherwalkaway.Irakedmyhandthroughmyhair,trying

tostirupanyanswersonhowtokeepherawayfrommybrotherswithoutstakingapublic

claimonher.Ihadtokeepusprofessional,buteachtimeIsawher,thatwasgettingharder

andhardertodo.

Chapter10

Lily

“AllIwantforChristmasisYOU!”Ambersangandbouncedaroundtheroom.

Now that the room was clean, I didn’t need to worry about tripping and hurting

herself. I sat on the bed and buckled my heels. Since they were my own, I felt more

comfortablewiththeheightthistime.

Ambergrabbedmyhandsandtwistedmearound.Iskitteredacrossthefloortrying

tomatchhersteps.

“Comeon!”shesaid.“Whyareyounotmoreexcited?”

Herexcitementwasenoughforthetwoofus.

IstillwasmullingoverthesituationwithAlex.Therewasnoreasonformetobe

nervousaboutattendingtheReindeerRiot.ThiswaswhatIsignedupfor.Buteventhough

Alexwasadorableandflirtytherestoftheweekduringourstudysessionsandinclass,

somethingbotheredmeabouthisattitudeonTuesdayaboutmenotgoing.Heseemedlike

helikedmebutdidn’twantmetocometohishouseforthepartyafteragreeingthathe

wouldtakeme.

Was he embarrassed by me? Or was my social awkwardness transparent to him?

CouldheseedeepdownthatIonlydidthisforAmber?ShewouldneverforgivemeifI

backed out of these parties after getting us kicked out of the Freaky Friday one. I’d be

guaranteed a new roommate next semester if I did. It was hard enough getting to know

someonesooppositefromme.Iwasn’treadytodothatagaininafewweeks.

Whenthesongended,Ambersluggedfromherwaterbottleandploppeddownon

herdeskchair.Tonightweworematchingshortbrownskirtsandtanktops.Shepositioned

alittleredplasticnoseonherownandturnedtomewithabiggrinonherface.

Icouldn’thelplaughingathowridiculousshelooked.IwasgladIoptedforjustthe

reindeerearheadbandandgaveherthehonorofbeingRudolphforthenight.

“Ican’tbelieveyoumanagedtogetusinvitedtothreepartiesthisseason!”Amber

squealed. “It was hard enough for me to get invited to Freaky Friday. I wish I were as

smartasyousothatIcouldtutorhunkyseniors.”

“It’snotlikethat,”Isaid,unsureofthatfactmyself.Alextraveledtwohourstosee

inpersonifIwasokayandthenhedidn’twantmetocometohisparty.Icouldn’twrap

myheadaroundwhathewantedotherthantogetagoodgradeintheclass.Maybehewas

alwaysaflirt,andIwasreadingthesignalswrong.Though,ifhewasthetypetokissall

girlswhodidhimfavors,thenImighthavetolookoutforhimmorethanIthought.

By the time we left the dorm, my mind was a jumbled mess. I wished I could be

easygoinglikeAmberandnotthinksomuch.ButIwashard-wiredtoanalyzeeverything

whichmademyrelationshipwithAlexmuchmorecomplicatedthanitneededtobe.

We followed a trail of fake Santa’s and other Christmas characters toward the frat

house. I tried to feed off of Amber’s excitement, but the thought of seeing Alex and

possibly dealing with the guy who didn’t want to be seen with me made my stomach

churn.

Maybe I would stay for a little bit, check out the scene then leave on my own

volition. I could tell Amber I had a stomach ache. That way she could stay and have a

goodtimewhileAlexdidn’thavetoworryaboutmeembarrassinghim.

Ugh. The whole situation was awful, and I wished I never agreed to it. Spending

timewithhimwasamazing,andIlookedforwardtoit,butifthiswerethecost,thenI’d

ratheronlyseehiminclass.

Ontheotherhand,hehadn’tmentioneditagainsinceearlierthisweek.Maybehe

gotusedtotheideaofmebeingaroundhimthathewouldn’tbackdownonhissideofthe

bargain. Grandma wanted me to make the most of my time in college, and this was the

firststep.

ItookapagefromAmberandstartedoffwithasmile.Myinsideswarmed,andno

matterwhatAlexdidtonight,Iwantedtotryandhavefunwithmyroommate.SomedayI

wouldlookbackonthesememories,andIdidn’twanttofeelanyregret.

Mymusclesrelaxed,andIletoutadeepbreathI’dbeenholding.

AmberandIjoinedinwithagroupofguysdressedasreindeeraswell.Wesangthe

Rudolphsong,andIwasalreadyinabettermoodwhenwearrivedatthehouse.

TheguyswentaroundbackofthehousewhileAmberandIstayedinthefront.

“IshouldfindAlex,”Isaid.

“Goodidea,”shesaid.“Thenyoucanintroducemetohisotherbrothers.Officially

thistime.”

Inoddedandsuckedinabreaththroughmyteeth.

Heregoesnothing.

The fraternity had transformed the interior of the house into a winter wonderland.

Fake snow cascaded down from the ceiling, and white fabric covered all the surfaces

alongwithmoretwinklywhitelights.PopvariationsofChristmasmusicpumpedfromthe

speakers.

Icouldn’thelpadmiringthecostumesoftherestoftheguests.IfIdidn’tknowany

better,I’dthinkChristmasalreadyarrivedintheAKAhouse.Ahugetreefilledthecorner

of the room reaching the top of the high ceiling. Big colorful bulbs wrapped around the

treeandtheyseemedtoblinkwiththesoundofthebeat,matchingthemusic.

“Thisissocool,”Ambersaidaswemadeourwaythroughthecrowd.

I kept my eyes peeled for Alex, my gaze landing on each of the guys around us.

Manyofthemhadfakewhitebeards,soIhadtolookcloselytomakesureIdidn’tmiss

Alexinthemix.

Loudshoutingcamefromthekitchen,andIhadafeelingthatAlexwasnearby.

“Inhere,”IcalledtoAmber,takingherhand.Iwasn’treadytofacehimalonejust

yet.

“ONE!TWO!THREE!”theloudcountingcontinuedasweroundedthelongisland

inthemiddleofthekitchentoseewhatthecommotionwasabout.

Twofratguysweredoingpushupsontheground,eachofthemhadagirlsittingon

theirbacks,addingmoreweighttotheirchallenge.

Alex’s face was scrunched up with concentration as one of the girls smoothed her

hands over his bare back, gripping onto him so she wouldn’t fall off. Both of the girls

were leggy and blonde, dressed in much smaller outfits than Amber and I were. They

lookedtobeseniorsaswell,havingtheconfidencethatmostoftheseniorclassdid.

My heart dropped into my stomach, and I turned away from the push-up

competition.Icouldn’tbelieveIwasdumbenoughtothinkhewasseriousaboutthedeal.

He said I was supposed to be his date to these parties. It looked like I was wrong about

everythingwhenitcametoAlexandhisword.

IrolledmyeyesatAmbertobrushoffhowIfeltontheinside.Butshesawright

throughme.

“Doyouneedtofreshenup?”sheasked.

Icouldhavehuggedherrightthen.“Yes.”

On the way to the bathroom, I stopped at the front door. I glanced behind me and

didn’tseeAmberanywhere.IcouldgohomeandtextheronthewaytellingherIdidn’t

feelwell.ThatwayIwouldn’truinhergoodtime.

Aftermakingmydecision,Iheadedfortheopenfrontdoor.

Someonesteppedinfrontofme,andIskiddedtoastop.

“Heythere,”theguysaid.Hehaddirtyblondehairwithonesideshaved.Heworea

white button-down shirt with a bright red vest and red bow tie. His shorts didn’t quite

match,butIhadanideahewasamemberofAKA,atleastitseemedthatwayfromhis

generalcockystance.“Whereareyouoffto,Vixen?”

Iraisedaneyebrow.

Helaughed.“Thatwascorny.ButIactuallycan’trememberanyotherreindeerother

thanRudolphandVixen.”

Icoughedoutalaugh.“Iwasjustabouttoleave.”

“Ican’thavethat,”hesaid,handingmeasolocup.“Youjustgothere.”

“Howdidyouknowthat?”

“Isawyoucomeinwithyourotherreindeerfriend.You’rehardtomiss.”

Mycheeksburned.Hewascomingonstrong,buthissmilewassincere.

Amber’s reindeer ears popped up behind him, and I gave her a double look. She

indicatedformetotakethedrink.

Iglancedovermyshoulder,stillhearingthecountdowninthekitchen.Iwantedto

haveagoodtime,right?Andherewasaguywantingthesamethingforme.

Iturnedbacktohimandofferedasweetsmile,takingthedrinkfromhim.

“What’syourname?”heasked.

“Lily,”Isaid.

Something flashed in his eyes, almost like recognition. I narrowed my eyes,

wonderingifIhadmetthisguybefore.ButIdidn’tthinkso.

“Lily,it’ssonicetomeetyou,”hesaid,slippinghishandinmine.“Isthisyourfirst

partyatAKA?”

“No,”Isaid.“IwasattheFreakyFridaypartyforalittlewhile.”

Hecockedhisheadtotheside.“I’mbummedthatImissedyou.I’msureyouhada

stunningcostume.”

Hiseyesdraggeddownmybody,elicitingashivertomovedownmyspine.

Iwasn’tsurewhatcameoverme,whetheritwasmyangeratAlexormyneedtofit

in here without him. I moved my hand down the side of my body. “You don’t like this

one?”

Hispupilsdilated.“Ido.Alot.”

Aslowsmilespreadacrossmylips.Iopenedmymouthtosaysomethingelsewhen

someone’shandsmovedovermywaist.Iturnedmyheadtoseewhoitwaswhenawarm

mouthpressedagainstmyear.

“Iwaslookingforyou,”Alexsaidagainstmyear.

Iclosedmyeyesandallowedmyselftofallagainsthim.

“Sorry,Bret,”Alexsaid.“Thisismydate.”

Alexturnedmearoundtofacehim.“Let’sgouptomyroom.”

Hetookmyhands,givingmenochoicebuttofollowhim.

Chapter11

Alex

As I escorted Lily to my room, the jealousy inside of me lingered. I squeezed her

hand to make sure she was still with me on our trek up to my room. Seeing her flirting

withBretfueledsomethinginsideofme.IknewhowBrettreatedgirlsandIwasn’tabout

tolethimdoanythinglikethattoLily.IwishedIwouldhaveknownshewasatthepartyI

couldhavesavedherfromhimsooner.Itriedtoforgetthesmilesandflirtyeyesthatshe

gavehim,butshedidn’tknowanybetter.Bretcouldbesmooth,butoncehehadhisclaws

inher,shewasnomatchforhim.Iimaginedshe’dneverwanttocomehereagainifhe

hadhiswaywithher.Andthatwouldn’tworkforme.

Ineededheraround.Ilikedhertoomuch.Admittingthatonlytomyselfdidn’tscare

me, but I wasn’t ready to tell her that just yet. We had a deal to complete before I

complicatedthesituationwithmyfeelings.Ineverjumpedintosomethinglikethisunless

Iwereone-hundredpercentsureI’dhavesuccess.

Once we reached my room, I invited her inside and closed the door behind us,

shutting out most of the sounds from the party below. There was no way anyone would

disturbusuphere.

Lily stood in the middle of my room, her hands clasped around her cup as if she

didn’tknowwhattodowiththem.ShetookalonggulpfromwhateverBrethadgivenher.

Shemadealittleface.Bretwasn’tthetypetodruggirls,soIwasn’tworriedaboutthat.

Hedidmakestrongdrinksthough.Ihopedthiswasherfirstandnothersecondorthird.

Afterthepartystarted,Iloopedaroundthehousetwicetofindher,butshewasn’t

thereyet.MaybeIshouldhavedoneitathirdtime.

I shivered at the thought of Bret bringing her up here to sit in his room. It was a

goodthingoneofthepledgesrecognizedherandtoldmethatshewaswithBret.

“Whyarewehereinsteadoftheparty?”sheasked.Hereyesnarrowedslightly.

Iclearedmythroat.“Youdon’tlikemyroom?”

Thecornerofhermouthtwitched.“Theroomisfine,”shesaidflatly.“I’mstarting

tothinkyoudon’twantmearound.”

“What?”Iasked.“Youthinkthat?”

Sheshrugged.“WhatamIsupposedtothink,Alex?”

IranmyfingersthroughmyhairasItookherin.Thatdamnreindeercostumewas

incredibly cute on her. I didn’t want to share her at all. If I could lock her in my room

foreverandnotgetintrouble,Iwould.“You’remuchtoobeautifultobearoundallthose

otherguys.Thetemptation’stoobig.”

Hercheeksturnedpink,andsheavoidedmyeyesasshelookedaroundmyroom.

“Mustbenicenottohavetosharearoom,”shesaid.

“Itis,”Isaid.Myheartbangedaroundinmychest,watchingherinspectthemost

privateplaceinmylife.Icouldhavecleanedupalittlebetter.Whensheturnedtolookat

mybed,Ishovedapileofclothesundermydeskbeforewalkingovertoher.“Ishareda

roomwithothersupuntillastyear,soIgetit.”

“Amberisfine,”shesaid.“Alittlemessy.Okay,alotmessy.Whenshewantedme

tocometotheFreakyFridayparty,shehadtocoaxmebyofferingtocleanupherspace.”

Ismiled.“I’mgladitworked.”

“Areyou?”sheasked,whirlingonme.Shetookastepbackasifshewassurprised

thatIwassoclosetoher.

“Ofcourse,”Isaid.“Ineverwouldhaveofficiallymetyou.”

“Andgotyourselfatutor,”sheadded.

Inodded.“Thattoo.”

My gaze fell to her mouth. The drink that Bret made her lips shiny and very

kissable.ItwasallIcoulddonottojumpheratthatmoment.

Shetookthattemptationawayfrommeasshewalkedacrossmyroomandsaton

mybed.Shewinced.“I’mnotusedtowearingheels.IthinkI’veworntheseonceinmy

life.”

Lilyonmybeddidallkindsofthingstomylibido.Iwasn’tsureifIshouldsitnext

toheroracrosstheroomwhereIcouldkeepholdofmyneedtobenearher.

Sheplacedhercuponmysidetable,kickedoffhershoesandleanedback,pressing

herhandsintomybed.Manygirlshadlaidonmybed,butI’dneverwantedthemasmuch

asIwantedLily.

Iwentagainstthewarningbellsinmyheadandsatnexttoher.Myweightonthe

bedmovedherclosertome.Thescentofhershampooinvadedmynose,andIbreathed

herin.

Iwantedtotouchhersobadly.Overthelastweek,Ihadtocurbmyselffromhaving

my way with her. Now that we were finally alone and in my bedroom, the hold on my

reserve started to crumble. I reached up and wrapped my arm around her shoulders,

pulling her close. I wanted just to touch her, but an overwhelming sensation came over

me,andIwantedmuchmorethanthat.

As much as she wanted to keep things professional, she wanted this too. Her eyes

crinkledatthecornersandhergazefelltomymouth.

That was all the invitation I needed. I brought her close and pressed my mouth to

hers.Herwarmlipstastedlikevodkaandcranberry,addingtothesweetnessofher.My

tongue darted out, wanting to feel more of her, but her closed mouth didn’t give me a

chance.Ipulledaway,wonderingifIcameontoostrong.

“Isthisokay?”Iasked.

Sheshookherheadbutsaid,“Yes.”Shedidn’tdenyme.Shewasinexperienced,and

I’dcomeontoostrong.

Ireineditinabitandtriedagain,gentlycuppinghercheeksinmyhands.Ikissed

heragain.Shesmiledagainstmylips.Asmallmoanbubbledupfrominsideofher,andI

started to harden. I tried to think of boring track meets and ugly old ladies, but the vibe

thatLilygaveoffonlymademybodyrespondtheoppositeofwhatIwanted.

Her tongue moved against my lips, and I opened up for her. Her tense shoulders

relaxedaswemadeout.Iwasusedtoseniorgirlscomingintomyroomtakingadvantage

ofbeingwithafraternitypresident.WithLily,itwassomuchdifferent.Andatthesame

time,itwasexactlywhatIwaslookingfor,andIneverrealizedit.Shewantedmetolead

butatherownpace.

Her small hands touched my waist. The condensation from her drink made her

handscold,coolingmyheatedskin.

Iwrappedmyarmaroundherwaistandscootedherontothemiddleofmybed.Her

legs lifted up, allowing me to move her. She was so light and fragile under me. I was

carefultopropmyarmsupsoIwouldn’tcrushher.

Ikissedheragain.OurheavybreathingintermingledandIknewshewasasturned

onasme.Withinseconds,shewasonmylevel.Herpupilswerewidewithlust,mirroring

myfeelings.Herfingerspressedintomybareback,pullingmeclosertoher.

Istareddownatherasmyhandsmoothedoverherleg.Touchingeachinchofher

skin, I waited for her reaction. At first, she was a little hesitant, but when I kissed her

again,sherelaxedintothebedandallowedmetomoveupherskirt.Myfingersbrushed

overherpanties,andsheletoutasmallsound.

Ituckedastrandofherhairbehindherearandkissedher,slowlythistime.Wanting

tosavorthismomenttogether,Iseareditinmymemory.Ifitwaspossible,myfeelingsfor

her deepened as my lust for her grew. Another first for me. Sure, I had feelings for the

girls I took to bed, but not like this. At that moment, my feelings for Lily bordered on

love,whichseemedsocrazyandsoright.

Istoppedtouchingherforamoment,andhereyesflutteredopen.

“Comehere,”shesaidinabreathyvoice,andherarmsreachedup,pullingmeclose

foranotherkiss.

I would do anything for this girl. I succumbed to the spell she cast over me and

kissedherharder.Irubbedmyfingersoverhermound,andshesuckedinabreath,lifting

herhipstomeetme.Ismiledagainstherlips,readytotakeherformyself.

Chapter12

Lily

The touch of Alex’s hands and mouth on me sent electricity through my body. He

kissed like a pro, or at least I imagined he was a pro. This is what a fraternity president

did. He took girls to his bedroom and had his way with them. I wanted the full college

experience. Or any experience in general. Alex didn’t have to know I was a virgin. You

didn’tgethighmarksinhighschoolandskipfreshmanclassesincollegebygoingoutand

datingallthetime.IfAlexknew,thenheprobablywouldescortmeoutofhishouseagain

andbreakourdeal.Hehadenoughtoolsfromourstudysessiontogetdecentgradesinthe

class.

ButIwantedthis.OhboydidIwantthis.Definitelymorethanhedid.

Grandmaalwayswantedmetoexperiencelife,remindingmeaboutmyparentsand

howlifewastooshorttoworkallthetime.Ilistenedtoheradvice,butIneverappliedit.

Nowwasthetimetodoso.

Losingmyvirginitytothehottestguyatschoolwastheperfectopportunity.Sure,he

didn’tloveme,butrightnow,thatdidn’tmatter.ExperimentingwithAlexwouldbethe

start of a new Lily. Going into this without any expectations would work in both of our

favors. We were both attracted to each other, wasn’t that all we needed for this sort of

thingtohappen?Itmightbreaktheawkwardtensionbetweenustoo.

Iplacedmyhandonhisandmovedhishandfurtherupmyskirt.HisAdam’sapple

bobbedasheswallowed.

My entire body tensed up until his fingers brushed over the front of my panties. I

suckedinabreathashesmoothedhisfingersoverthehem.Iwasn’tsurewhattoexpect.

Washegoingtodiverightinandthiswouldbeoverquickly?Iwasn’tsureifIshouldtell

himupfrontthatIwasavirgin.Wouldthatstophim?Guysseemedtobeweirdaboutthat.

ButIwasn’tgoingtostopbeingavirginuntilIhadsex,soIdecidedtokeepittomyself.

Hishandmovedoutfromundermyskirtandtuggeditoff.ForamomentIthought

hewasamind-reader.CouldhesomehowtellIwasinexperienced?

My lips parted as his hands moved to my waist. He dragged them up my sides,

tuggingmyshirtwiththem.Myshirtscrunchedabovemychest,exposingmybreaststo

him.Hetrailedafingerovermybra,andmybreathingquickenedagain.

“You’re so beautiful, Lily,” he said. His eyes were dark and lidded as if he were

about to fall asleep. But when his eyes met mine, his blue irises were almost black. He

wasasturnedonasme.Thatthoughtcausedaneruptionoftinglestocoursethroughmy

middle.

Icuppedhischeekinmyhandandgentlypulledhimdowntokissmeagain.

His mouth and hand moved in sync, massaging multiple parts of my body. His

kisses were urgent, enough that I could barely keep up. My mind whirred as his hands

massaged my breasts. No one other than me had touched my chest before, and it was

mind-numbing.Imoanedintohismouth,thesoundcompletelyinvoluntary.Myeyesshot

open,andheatmovedthroughme.

Alex didn’t seem phased. I supposed it was a good thing that this felt good and I

expressedit.Ifitdidn’tfeelgoodthenwhywouldwebedoingitatall?

“Situp,”hesaid.

Igrabbedontohisarm,andheslowlypulledmeup.Sittingdown,wewerefaceto

face.

Heburrowedhisfaceintomyneck,andIleanedmyheadback,feelingthewarmth

ofhiskissonthesensitiveskin.Hishandreachedaroundandunclaspedmybra.BeforeI

knewit,mybreastswereexposed.Ihadtoquelltheurgetocoverup.WheneverIchanged

inmydormroom,IalwaysmaneuveredawaytochangewithoutevenAmberseeingme.

Now,Iwasinabrightly-litroomwhilethehottestguyI’deverkissedcuppedmybreastin

hishand.Histhumbrolledoverthepeak,andthatlittlemoangavemeawayagain.

“Thatfeelssogood,”Isaidbreathlessly.

“Youwanttoknowwhatelsefeelsgood?”heasked,andthenheshowedme.

Hismouthreplacedhishand.Histongueswirledoverthepeak,andmylegsdrewin

closertomybody.Hisfreehandmovedacrossmybellyanddowntomypantiesagain.

Iwrappedmyarmaroundhiswaist,holdingontohimasmybodynumbedunderhis

touch.Hemoveddown,lower,untilhereachedthenow-damppartofmybody.

Icouldbarelyholdmyselfupright.AsifAlexsensedthat,hetuggedapillowover

to me and gently laid me down. My legs opened for him, and he swirled the tip of his

fingeraroundthemostsensitivepartofmybody.

“Ohmygod,”Ibreathed.

Alex chuckled and knelt beside me. The air clung to the wet parts of my body,

makingthemevenmoresensitive.

Hepulledmypantiesdown,andImovedmylegstohelphim.Theneedtocoverup

wentoutofmymindcompletelyasAlexquicklyshovedoffhispants.Ourclotheslanded

onthefloorwithagentlewhump.

ThebulgeinAlex’sboxerswasunmistakable.IknewthatifItriedtodoanything

abouthim,he’dhavetoknowthatIwasavirgin.Instead,Ibroughthimbackdowntome

to kiss me. Grounding myself in the idea of what we were about to do, helped ease my

nerves.

We kissed for some time. Alex took his sweet time exploring my body while I

couldn’t help but trace the lines of his toned muscles. His body was amazing and even

moresoupclose.

It wasn’t until I heard a crinkling sound that I snapped out of our little make out

bubble.

Iglanceddownatthecondomwrapper.Wherehadthatcomefrom?

Helookedintomyeyes,hiseyebrowsslightlyraisedinquestion.Hewaswaitingfor

metomakethedecision.We’dalreadygonethisfar,andIwantedtolosemyvirginityto

him.Thereweresomanyfirstsbetweenus,whynotgoalltheway?Ihadn’teventhought

ofacondom,whichwastotallyirresponsibleofme.Iwasgladhecameprepared.

Inoddedslightly,andhegrinned.

Hestoodupfromthebedandpulleddownhisboxers.Hesprungfree,andItried

nottostareatittoolong.God,Iwassuchanamateur.

Herolledthecondomonandcamebacktothebed.

Ipulledmyshirtoff,completelyexposingmybodytohim.Ilaiddownagain,and

hecrawledoverme,proppinghishandsaboveme.Hereacheddownandslowlyguided

himselftomyopening.

I couldn’t help the tension in my body. I tried to keep calm but this was a

momentous occasion in my life. I knew it was going to hurt, but how badly? Would I

bleed? I read that girls bleed sometimes. I didn’t even think of that! Would he think I

trickedhim?

“Relax,”hesaid,findingmymouthagain.Histonguedartedinside,massagingmy

own.Withhimkissingmelikethat,itwasenoughtodistractme.

Hegentlypushedhimselfinsideofme.

IlightlygaspedasIstretchedtofithiminsideofme.Thepressurewasn’tanythingI

coulddescribe,butoncehewasin,Ididn’tknowwhatthebigfusswasabout.Thatwas,

untilhestartedtomove.

“You’resowetforme,”hesaid,hiseyesclosing.

WasIturninghimon?Theideaofthatmademerelaxunderhim.Ireachedupand

pulledhismouthtomine.

Hiskissescrashedagainstmineaswemadelove.

Thestrangefeelingturnedonadimetosomethingamazing.Hewasslowandgentle

buthitmeintherightspot.BeforeIknewit,mybodybecameassensitiveasmylower

parts, and as his movements quickened, the pleasure increased until I couldn’t bear it

anymore.

Myentirebodyexplodedwithpleasure,andIcriedout.

Alexkeptgoingforseveralmoremomentsbeforehisbodytensedaswell.

Igrabbedontohimfordearlifeashesloweddowneversoslightly.

IcameoutofmesoquicklythatIjumpedalittle.Iquicklysatupandlookedatthe

sheets.

Phew.Noblood.

Hegrabbedmyarm.“Don’tgo,”hesaid.Hischestheavedwitheffort.

Ilaiddownnexttohim.“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”

He smiled and pulled me closer to him. He kissed my shoulder and pulled the

blanketsoverus.EventhoughIwasnolongerexposed,thefeelingofhisskinonmineleft

animprintonmybody.

FeelingasifI’djustrunamarathon,Iallowedmyselftodriftinthecomfortofhis

arms.Icouldn’tbelieveI’djusthadsexwithAlex.Oratall!

A sharp knocking on the door woke me from my delirium. My eyes shot open as

Alexsatup.Hisfacetwistedwithanger.

“What?”hegrowled.

Thedoorflungopen,andBretstoodinthedoorway.HiseyesdartedbetweenAlex

andme.Mystomachknottedupasacockygrinformedonhislips.

“Way to go, prez,” he said, clapping his hands. “I see you just needed the right

freshmantogetyoubackinthegame.”

“Getoutofhere,”Alexsaid.

Myentirebodyfeltasifsomeonelitmeonfire.

Bret backed out of the room, and the second the door closed, I jumped out of bed

andfoundmyclothes,throwingthemon.Icouldn’tbelieveIwassostupidtothinkthat

Alexmighthavelikedme.Thiswasjustagametoallthesefratguys.

“Whereareyougoing?”Alexasked.

“I’mleaving.”

“Why?”

“Thiswasamistake.”

Hetriedtotouchme,butIjumpedawayfromhim.

EventhoughIwasfullyclothed,Ifeltnakedandexposednexttohim.

“BecauseBretcameinhere?Don’tdothis.”

IshookmyheadandranoutthedoorwithAlexcallingafterme.

ItriedtokeepmytearsatbayasIrandownthestairs.Iracedthroughthecrowdand

foundAmber.“Weneedtogo.”

Shelookedatme.“What’swrong?”

IglancedatthestairswhereAlexwassearchingforme.

IdraggedAmbertothefrontdoor.

“Lily,wait!”Alexshoutedoverthemusic.“I’msorry.”

HisapologiesfellflatagainsttherestofthesoundsofthepartyasImademyquick

exit.

I barely made it across the street toward campus before I broke down in Amber’s

arms.

Chapter13

Alex

Foroncethatentiresemester,Icouldn’twaittogettoCostAccountingonMonday.

I arrived early, expecting to see Lily there on time as usual. I needed to talk to her. She

avoidedmytextsallweekend,apologizingforBret’sassholebehavioronFriday.Ithought

aboutgoingtoherdormandmakinghertalktome,butIwantedtogivehersometimeto

cooloff.Bretembarrassedher,andtherewasn’tmuchIcoulddoatthatpointotherthan

apologize.Wehadagreattimeupuntilmybrothercameintotheroom.Webothdid.That

wouldhappenagain,onlyifshe’dtalktomeaboutit.

“Everyonetakeyourseats,”Tarringtonsaidtotheclass.

Iglancedatthedoor.Lilywasalwaysontimeforclass.Wasshegoingtoskiptoday,

so she didn’t have to see me? That seemed unlike her. And it worried me that she was

moreupsetthansheledon.

“Thatmeansyou,Mr.Fuller,”Tarringtonsaid.

IshovedoffLily’sdeskandheadedovertomyown.

“Excuseme,”Lily’svoicesaidfromthedoorway.

Isatdowninmychair,whirlingaroundtoseeherrushingintotheroom.

Tarringtonmovedoutofherway.Herheadwasdownasshemadeherwaytoher

seat. Tarrington gave her a questioning look but didn’t mention her tardiness. Since she

wassuchagoodstudent,Iwassurehe’dletitslidethistime.

Itriedtocatchhereye,butshedidn’tevenglanceinmydirection.

Yup.Shewasstillpissed.

I crossed my arms over my chest, watching her. She couldn’t ignore me forever. I

knew she was curious about me just as much as I was about her. She’d slip up at some

pointandlookatme.

“Yourassignmentsfromtheotherdayhavebeengraded,”Tarringtonsaid,returning

tothefrontoftheclassroom.“I’llhandthembackattheendofclass.Thereareseveralof

youwhoshouldlookoverthelastunitbeforecontinuing.Wehavethreemoreunitstogo

overbeforethefinalandalloftheseconceptsbuildoneachother.Now,let’sstartwiththis

weekslesson.”

Ipulledoutmynotebookandpen.LilyandIalreadydidalotofworktogethersoI

didn’twanttodisappointherbynottakingnotesinclass.Ihadafeelingshe’dtrytobreak

ourdeal,andIneededtoshowherthatIwastakingallofthisseriously,includingher.

Afterclass,Ipackedupmythingsandheadedtothefrontoftheclassroomwhere

Tarrington already had last week’s assignments in his hands. Of course Lily was first in

line.Iwouldn’tlethergothateasily.

I shoved passed a few of my classmates while keeping an eye on Lily exiting the

room.Tarringtonflippedthroughtheassignments,takinghissweettime.Ipushedtothe

frontandtriedtokeepacalmexpressiononmyface.KnowingLily,sheprobablysprinted

outoftheretoavoidme.I’dhavenoproblemcatchingupwithher,butIdidn’twantitto

cometothat.Chasinggirlswasn’tmything.Usually,itwastheotherwayaround.

“Very good, Mr. Fuller,” Tarrington said, handing over my assignment. “I see you

followedmyadvice.”

IglancedatthepaperwithabigredAonit.Mybreathcaughtinmythroat.Iwas

expectingapassinggrade,butnotonethishigh.“Idid.”

“Keepupthegoodwork,”hesaidandthenmovedontothenextperson.

Ishoulderedmybagandjoggedoutoftheroom.Lilywasalreadyheadingoutthe

frontdoorswhenIfoundher.

Irandownthehallandreachedher,justasshetookastepoutside.

“Lily,”Isaid,panting.

Sheletoutasmallyelpandclampedahandoverhermouth.“Alex,”shesaidwhen

sheregainedhercomposure.

“Look,”Isaid,showinghermyassignment.

A smile crossed her lips and then immediately disappeared. “Looks like you don’t

needmyhelpanymore.”

Sheturnedtoleave,andIgrabbedherarm.“Wait.”

“Whatdoyouwant?”sheasked,pullingoutofmygrip.

“Thisisjustoneassignment,”Isaid.“Istillneedyou.”

Sheshookherhead.“That’snotagoodidea.”

Myinsidestwisted.Icouldn’tletherseehowsheaffectedme,notwhenbeingwith

herhelpedmygradesimprove.“Wehadadeal.Wemakeagoodteam.”

Shefrowned.“Igaveyoualltheskillsyouneedtopass.Idon’t—”

“Please,”Isaid.Ihatedthewaymyvoicesounded.Beggingwasn’tmything.“I’ll

doanything.”

“Fine,”shesaid,lookingawayfromme.“Butwehavetokeepthingsprofessional.”

Ifistedmyhandsatmysides.“Okay.”Ifshewasoveritthatquickly,Iwouldshow

herthatIcoulddothesame.IhadtopassCostAccountingtograduateontime.Maybe

shehadapoint.IfIwasgoingtocontinuewithher,Icouldn’tgiveintomyimpulseslike

that.Iregrettedlosingcontrolandmovingtooquicklyattheparty.Ididn’ttakeadvantage

ofher,butIwasmoreinvolvedthanshewas.Itwasbesttokeepourrelationshipinthe

friend’szoneforthetimebeing.

“Meetmeatthelibrarytomorrowafternoon,”shesaidandthenwalkedawayfrom

me.

I stood there, looking after her until she turned the corner of the student center. It

wasonlythenthatIcouldbreatheagain.WhathadIgottenmyselfinto?

Forthenexttwodays,westudiedtogetheratthelibrary.Iattemptedtoturnonmy

charmagaintoloosenthetensionbetweenus.Shedidn’tfallforit.Iremindedmyselfof

ourdealandbecametheperfectgentlemanfortherestofourtimetogether.Itwashard.

Everymomentweweretogether,Ithoughtaboutthenightwespentinmyroom.Nogirl

everclungtomymemorythewayshedid.ItwasallIcoulddonottokissortouchher

whenshesatsoclosetome.

The day before an exam, Lily and I studied hard at the student union. The library

waspackedintheafternoon’sasweweresoclosetothefinals.WhenIaskedherifshe

wantedtostudyatmyplace,sheflat-outrefusedme.JustwhenIthoughtweweredoing

okay together, the other night came back to haunt me. I hoped she was still willing to

upholdmypartofthedealandattendthelasteventoftheseasonatAKA.Iwantedher

theremorethansheknew.

Friday was the first day that I left Cost Accounting after an exam feeling good

insteadofterrible.Iknewalltheanswersontheexam,andIhadagoodfeelingIpassed.

Afterclass,Lilylingeredbythedoor,waitingforme.Wewalkedtogetherdownthe

hallwaytowardournextclasses.

“Howdoyouthinkyoudid?”Iasked.

Shesnorted.“Thebetterquestionishowdoyouthinkyoudid.”

“IthinkIdidwell.Betterthananyotherexam.”

“Well,youdeserveit,”shesaid.

Iheldthefrontdoorsforherasshethankedmebeforewalkingout.“Whatarelief.

Foraminutethere,Iwasworriedaboutnotpassingthisclass.”

“Youdon’thavetoworryanymore,”shesaid.“Ifyounailtheconceptsonthistest

thenthefinalshouldbeeasyenoughtopass.”

“That’spromising,”Isaid.

“Ishouldbegoing,”shesaidandstartedtowalkawayfromme.

“Wait,”Isaid.“Let’shavedinnertogetherbeforethepartytomorrow.”

“Likeadate?”sheasked,raisinganeyebrow.

“Likeathankyoudinner,”Isaid,carefulnottopushherawaytoosoon.Ofcourse,

itwasadate,butshewasasskittishasareindeersincethepreviousweekend.“Onme.”

“Thatwouldbeallright,”shesaid,chewingonherlipagain.

“Great,”Isaid.“I’lltextyouthedetailslater.”

“Soundsgood,”shesaidalittlemoreupbeatnowthattheawkwardnesshadpassed.

“Seeyoulater,Lily,”Isaid,squeezingherhand.

“Bye,”shesaid,staringatourhands.

I released her first, not wanting to make it weird again and she waved at me and

headedofftohernextclass.

Igrinned.Icouldn’twaittobewithheralonewhenweweren’tstudying.Imissed

thatsmileofhers,andIwasdeterminedtobringitoutagain.

Chapter14

Lily

SinceAmberandIweregoingtothepartyrightafterdinnerwithAlex,Idoubled

my costume and dinner attire. Thankfully the theme of ‘Santa’s Slay’ didn’t require

another outlandish costume. I imagined showing up to dinner in an elf costume or

somethingequallycrazy.Theuniformforthenightonlyrequiredthatouroutfitswerered.

Thatwaseasyenough.Amberletmeborrowareddressthatshesaidwastoosmallfor

her. When I put it on, I realized that it was snug on me as well, but in a good way. It

huggedallofmycurves,andIsmiled,knowinghowAlexwouldrespondtoit.Itwasa

littleunfairofme,buttherewasnoreasonIhadtodresssloppilyaroundhimifwewere

just to be friends. Maybe it would show him what he was missing out on while he

attemptedtobedeverygirloncampus.

Thinkingofthatnightstillstung.MystomachswoopedeverytimeIthoughtabout

Bret’sremarkwhenhesawustogether.Ishouldhaveknownbetter,butIwouldn’thave

tradedournightforanything.Iwasn’tavirginanymore.Ididn’tfeelmuchdifferent,butI

wasgladthatmyfirsttimewaswithsomeoneasgentleasAlex,evenifhewasaplayer.

ItookanUberovertotherestaurant,whichwasn’ttoofaroffcampus.Alexwanted

tomeetmethere.Iwonderedifitwasanotherattemptnottoseemeinpublic,butIshook

awaythethought.Weweregoingtoarestaurantwheretherewouldbeplentyofpeopleto

witnessustogether.IhadtostopcaringwhetherornotAlexlikedme.Iwastheonewho

wantedtoremainprofessionalwithhim.Thinkingotherwisewouldprovetobeanawful

disappointment.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I was surprised at the formality of the place.

Inside, the restaurant was lavishly decorated with thick velvet curtains and real

tablecloths.PicturesonthewallsdepictedlandscapesinItalyandononewallwasamural

oftheItaliancountrysideasifyouwerelookingatitonyouropenporch.

“Hey,”Alexsaid,comingovertome.

I smiled at him. Even though he wore a bright red button-down shirt that was a

shadetoobright,butitfithimwellenoughtoshowoffhisamazingbody.“Hi.”

“We’reoverhere,”hesaid,takingmyhandandloopingitwithhisarm.

Thetablewasinthebackofthediningroom,awayfromthedoorandotherprying

eyes.Itwasabiggertablewithsixchairssurroundingit.Thetwoplacesettingswereon

oppositesidesofthetable,farenoughformenottoconfusethisdinnerforadate.

ItriedtokeepthesmileonmyfaceasIsatdown.

Youwantedthis,Lily,remember?

Alex helped me with my chair, pushing it in under me as I sat. I stared at the

flickeringflamethatdancedonthetopofthelargewhitecandleinthemiddleofthetable.

“Thisisaniceplace,”Isaid.

“It’smyfavorite,”Alexsaid.“Ahiddengem.Almostmakesmefeellikeanadult.”

“Youareanadult,”Isaid,smiling.

Hepressedhishandagainsthischestandwinced.“Don’tmakemefeelold.”

Ilaughed.“What’sgoingtohappenwhenyou’rethirty?”

“I’llbehalfwaytothegravebythen.”

I giggled into my napkin before placing it on my lap. I’d never been to a fancier

place before. Grandma loved to cook and thought going out to eat was an unnecessary

expense.Sheleftthattospecialoccasionssuchasbirthdaysandgraduations.Thinkingof

hermadememisshercooking.

Awaitercameover,andweordereddrinks.AglassofwineforAlexandwaterfor

me.IneededtohydrateincaseIdrankalottonight.Ididn’tplanonit,butmygoalwasto

letlooseasmuchasIcould.Thatdidn’tmeanIhadtocompromisemysafety,butIfound

drinkinghelpedlessenthetensioninmybody.WithusgettingkickedoutatFreakyFriday

and me sleeping with Alex at the last party, I wanted to enjoy myself at a party with

Amberandnotmuckitup.

“Younevertoldmehowyoudidonthetest,”hesaid.

“IgotanA,”Isaid.

“Ofcourseyoudid,”hesaidwithasmile.

“I’mthetutorremember?Itwasalotofpressuretogetahighgrade.Youmightfire

meotherwise.”

“I’dneverfireyou.”

Hisgazelockedwithmine.Therewasanunmistakablehintoffirebehindhiseyes

astheymovedacrossmybody,wellasmuchashecouldseefromabovethetable.Ilicked

my lips, feeling a weight pressing against my chest. With him looking at me like that, I

wasgladIworethisdress.Therewasnoharminalittleflirtingamongstfriends.

Alex already ordered fried calamari and eggplant rollatini for appetizers, so those

dishescamewithourdrinks.

“Ifeellikesuchaloser,butI’veneverhadfoodlikethisbefore,”Isaid.

“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’remissing,”hesaid.“Aretheregoodrestaurantswhere

youcomefrom?”

“Theyaredecent,”Isaid.“Grandmapreferstocook.”

“Icanseewhy,”hesaid,dippingoneoftheleggycalamaripiecesintothemarinara

sauce. I wasn’t comfortable eating that part of the squid yet. I stuck with the circular

pieces.“She’sanamazingchef.”

Ilaughed.“Youonlyhadbreakfastandlunchwithus.”

Heshrugged.“Itmadeanimpression.”

He held my eyes, and for a moment, the hidden meaning behind his words caught

myattention.Hook.Line.Andsinker.

Suddenly,Iwishedthathewouldhavepickedasmallertable.WasIwrongabouthis

feelingsforme?Overtheweekend,hisoverwhelmingamountofapologytextsaboutBret

made me angry. But were they meant well? Why didn’t he come over and apologize

himself? I wished he would have. Though his insistence on continuing our little

arrangement made me second guess everything. I wondered if he’d drop our friendship

completelyonceCostAccountingwasover.Otherthanhispartiesandstudying,Alexand

Ineversaweachother.

“Maywejoinyou?”Bret’svoicecutintomythoughts.

IblinkedandstaredupatAlex’sfriend.Twogirlswereonhisarms,bothdressedin

inappropriatereddresses,revealingenoughskinthattheyshouldhavebeenatacluband

notadecentrestaurant.

IglancedatAlex.Afrowntuggedathislips.“Iguess.”HelookedatmeandItook

anothersipofmywater.

Isatbackinmychair,myshouldersrisingtomyears.Somuchforrelaxingtonight.

I eyed Bret. His cocky grin and squinty eyes made me think he and these girls

alreadystartedtheirownprivateparty.Hesnappedhisfingersatthewaiteranddemanded

threemoreplacesettingsforthetable.

Isentanapologeticlookatthewaiter,butIwasalreadyropedintothisgroup.Isunk

intomychair,wantingtoleave.I’dalreadyfilledupenoughonappetizersIwonderedifI

couldgetmydinnertogo.

“Eeww,whatisthat?”oneofthegirlsasked,pointingattheremainsofthecalamari.

“Gross!”theotheroneshouted.

Iglancedattheotherdiners,andafewofthemlookedourway.Mycheeksburned.

“Arethoselegs?”thefirstoneasked.Herpinklipscurledwithdisgust.

“Mybrother,Alex,lovesseafood,”Bretsaid,glancingatAlex.

Alex’snostrilsflaredbeforehiseyesmetmine.

Iimmediatelydroppedmygazetomyplate,wishingthisdinnertobeover.

ThegirlspickeduptheirmenusandstartedgigglingabouttheItalianwords.They

wereanembarrassmenttothefreshmanclass.Itwasasifthiswasthefirsttimethey’ve

evergonetoarestaurantintheirlives.Didn’ttheirparentsteachthemmanners?

WhenAlexandmyentreescameovertothetable,thegirlscranedtheirneckstosee

whatweordered.

“Whatisthat?”pink-lippedgirlasked.

“Risotto,” I said quietly. If I ignored them, maybe they would forget I was at the

table.

I shoveled the pasta into my mouth and savored the taste, distracting myself from

myembarrassment.

When the girls finally, and loudly, announced they were going to the bathroom

together,Iwasabletotakeabreath.

“Wheredidyoufindthem?”AlexaskedBret.

Bretlockedhisfingerstogetherandclaspedthembehindhishead,leaningbackasif

hedidn’thaveacareintheworld.“Oh,hereandthere.”

Alexopenedhismouthtosaysomethingbutstoppedwhenhisphoneblastedfrom

hispocket.Inearlydroppedmyfork.Helookedatthescreenandpushedhischairaway

fromthetable.

Isatup.HewasleavingmealonewithBret?

“I’msorry,Ihavetotakethis,”hesaidandleftthetable.

I focused on my meal, for once, hoping those girls would come back and distract

Bret.Iwasn’tinthemoodtotalktohimabouttheothernight.

“How are you, Lily?” Bret asked me. He leaned back in his chair as if it were a

throne.

“I’mfine,”Isaid.

“YouknowIknowaboutthislittlearrangementyouandAlexhave.”

“It’snotasecretthatI’mtutoringhim,”Isaid.

“Andthat’sall,”hesaid.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“Ihatetobethebearerofbadnews,butIthinkyouhavethewrongimpressionof

mybrother.He’sonlyinterestedinpassingthisclasswhenitcomestoyou.”

Heatlickedbehindmyeyes.“Iknow.”

“Doyou?”

“Of course,” I said, trying to hold my voice steady. I wondered what Alex said to

Bretaboutmebehindmyback.LettingBretknowthatIcaredforAlexmorethanIshould

wouldn’tdomeanygood.

“Thenyou’resingle?”

“Yes.”

“Great,”hesaid.

Mymouthdroppedopen.“Whyisthatgreat?”

“I’d love to take you out sometime,” he said, leaning toward me. “There is a very

expensiveplacebythewaterthatIthinkyou’denjoy.”

Therisottofeltlikeananchorinmystomach.

“Whataboutyourgirlfriends?”Iasked.

Hesnorted.“Notmygirlfriends.It’srudetoshowuptoapartywithoutadate.”

“Twoofthem?”

Heslappedthetable,rattlingthesilverware.“You’refunny.NowIknowwhyAlex

likesusingyou.”

Mythroattightened.Usingme?

“You’reserious?”Iasked.

“Yes,” he said. “You’re different. Smart, beautiful, the complete package. Alex

doesn’tknowwhathe’smissingouton.”

Speaking of Alex. He appeared at the table again, interrupting the strange

conversation.Iwasalmostgrateful.

“Sorry,”hesaid,slidingintohischair.“Myparentsalwayscallattheworsttimes.”

Iwasnolongerhungry.Iplacedmynapkinonthetablenexttomyhalfeatendish.

“IshouldheadbacktopickupAmberfortheparty.”

AlexfrownedandglancedatBret.“Areyousure?”

“Yes,”Isaid.

“Let’sgetthatwrappedup,”hesaid,indicatingmymeal.“AndI’lldriveyoubackto

thedorm.”

Thegirlsreturnedbythetimethewaitercamebackwithourcheck.

“Don’tworry,”Bretsaid,takingthecheckfromthewaiter.“I’llgetthis.”

“Ihavethemoney,”Alexsaid.

“Ihavemore,”Bretsaidwithagrin.

Alexclenchedhisjawashestaredathisfriend.Awartookplaceonhisface,andI

wasn’tsureiftherewasgoingtobeafightornot.

Bret’shandremainedfirmlyonthecheck.Alexwouldhavetopryitouttogetit.

Instead,hesaid,“Thanks,”andthencameovertomeandtookmyhand.

BretwinkedatmeasAlexandIwalkedaway.Anuncomfortableweightsettledin

my stomach. Neither of us expected Bret to show up with those annoying girls. His

presence dragged the elephant back into the room. When we got outside, I was able to

breatheagain.

“Sorry about all that,” Alex said, holding the passenger side door open for me. “I

didn’tknowhewascoming.”

“It’sfine,”Isaid,gettingintothecar.

Ontheridetothedorm,Icouldn’thelpbutthinkaboutBret’swords.Goingintothe

dealwithAlex,ItoldmyselfthatI’dkeepmyeyeswideopen,knowingthatahotguylike

Alexwouldneverbeinterestedinmeforreal.Butitstillstung.

When we arrived at the dorm, I already decided about that night, and it broke my

heartenoughthatIwouldn’ttellAlex.

Like a gentleman, he got out of the car with me and walked me to the front door.

Whydidallofthishavetobesoconfusing?

“I’llseeyouinalittlewhile?”heasked.

“We’llwalkoverwhenwe’reready,”Isaid,staringatmyhands.

Heleanedoverandkissedmycheek.“Ican’twait.”

Heleftmetogobacktotheparkinglot.Iwatchedhimgowithmyheartbreakingin

mychest.

Chapter15

Alex

Two hours passed before I left the party. Lily hadn’t texted me to say she wasn’t

coming.Witheachpassingminutewithouther,mychestachedevenmore.Icouldn’thelp

imagining that she was hurt or in an accident. What other reason did she have for not

showingup?ShetoldmeshewascomingwhensheandAmberwereready.Sendingatext

wouldhavebeenthepolitethingtodo.SheseemedasannoyedasIwaswhenBretcame

into the restaurant. He seemed adamant earlier to know exactly where Lily and I were

goingtobeforetheparty.IregrettedtellinghimthemomentIsawhimshowup.

What was his deal anyhow? Lily seemed less than impressed, and she barely

finishedherfoodbeforeweleft.Thenightwasn’tturningouthowIexpected.Andnow

withhernotshowingup,Iknewsomethingwaswrong.

Ibarelydrankanything,asmystomachtwistedinknotswhilewaitingforher.No

onenoticedastheyweretoobusyenjoyingthedrinksthemselves.

Themusicblaringfromthespeakerswassuddenlytooloud,andthegyratinggirls

onthedancefloorweren’twhatIwantedinfrontofme.Ijumpedupfromthecouchand

headedoutthroughthekitchen,grabbingmycarkeys.

I drove over to Lily’s dorm, checking out everyone who was walking around

campus.Herreddresswasnowheretobefound.

Idoubleparkedbehindherdormandjoggedaroundthebuildingtothefrontdoor.I

knewwhereherroomwasfromoutsidethebuilding.Theroomwasdarkwithnolightsto

indicatetherewaslifeinside.Ihopedshewasn’thidingfromme.

Two guys were coming out from the building, and I sneaked in behind them. The

residentassistantsatatthefrontdesk.Shelookedatmeexpectantly.

“CanIhelpyou?”sheasked,flippingherblack,springycurlsoverhershoulder.

“I’mlookingforLilyDavis,”Isaid,glancingattheelevator.ThatwaswhyIliked

livinginmyownhouse,nopeopletogetthroughifIwantedtogouptoLily’sroom.

“Isawherleaveawhileagowithherroommate.”

“Doyouknowwheretheywent?”

Sheeyedme.“Noidea.”

“CanIgoupthereandcheck?”

“She’snothere,”thegirlsaid.

Itookasteadyingbreath.“Thankyou,”Isaidthroughmyteeth.

I went back outside and texted Lily again. My string of unanswered texts mocked

mefromthescreen.Whatwasherproblem?Shehadnoideawhatshewasdoingtome.I

thoughtshewasallaboutouragreement.Partieswereapartofthatdeal.

Itriedcallinghertwice,andIwassenttovoicemailbothtimes.Ifistedmyphonein

myhandandsqueezedit.WhatelsecouldIdo?Itwasobviousthatshewasavoidingme.

At least I was happy she was healthy enough to do so. But I couldn’t wrap my mind

aroundwhy.

HadBretruinedanothergoodtimebetweenLilyandme?

Dejected,IheadedbacktotheAKAhouse.ThemomentIarrived,Iwentstraightup

to my room. The party seemed lame without Lily there. I imagined this night going so

muchdifferently.

I flopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling for some time, listening to the

thumpingmusicthroughthefloorbelowme.

Sometime later, my bedroom door opened. I sat up, expecting to ream whatever

pledgeorbrotherdareddisturbme.

Bretstoodinthedoorway,hismouthopeninawidegrin.“Alex.Whatthehellare

youdoinguphere?”

Istoodup,straighteningmyshirt.“I’mnotinthemoodtonight.”Iwentovertomy

desk.My Cost Accountingbook stared upat me. Maybe Icould get ajump on the next

assignment.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”heasked.“Thosegirlsyoumettonightwereasking

aboutyou.Ihavenopreferenceforeither,sowhicheveroneyoudon’twantI’lltake.”

“I’mnotinterested,”Isaid,wishinghe’dgoaway.Hedidenoughdamagetoday.

Bretwalkedovertomeandclappedahandonmyback.

Iwinced.

“Youcan’tbehunguponsomeridiculousfreshmannerd,”hesaid.

Iturnedtohim,myeyesnarrowing.“She’snotridiculous.”

“Youcandosomuchbetter!”Bretsaidwithalaugh.“Youalreadyhadsexwithher.

Youhititnowyouneedtoquitit.”

“That’s not what she means to me,” I said. His true nature shone through tonight,

andIwasn’tsureifitwastheboozeorhispersonality.

“Justcomedowntotheparty,”hesaid.“Distractyourselfwithhottergirls.”

“Noway,”Isaid.“I’mdoneforthenight.I’dratherstudyformyaccountingfinal.”

Bret let out a whooping laugh. He stood there, doubled over for a few moments

beforehiseyesmetmine.“You’reserious?”

“Yeah,”Isaid.Whywasn’thegettingthehint?

He stood straighter and cocked his head to the side. “Going to our parties is your

duty as president of this fraternity. Ever since you met that little nerd, you’ve been

blowingoffyourduties.Weusedtohaveagoodtimetogether.Nowallyouwanttodois

digyournoseinabook.”

ThereweresomanythingsIwantedtosaytohim,butIwasn’tabouttoargueovera

girl.Hehadthemoneytobuyhisdegree.Heknewmyfamilystruggledyethecontinued

toberateme.

“Youusedtobecool,man,”Bretsaid.“Nowyou’reanythingbut.”

“Idon’tneedthisfromyourightnow,”Isaid,tryingtostopthisconversationfrom

gettingworseforeitherofus.Arguingwithmybestfriendwasn’tgoingtohelpmefind

Lily.Andtellinghimoffwasn’tgoingtomakethissituationanyeasier.Idecidedtoleave

italone.He’dneverunderstandthefearoflosingascholarshipandtheonegirlwhostood

outfromalltherest.

Chapter16

Lily

Alex affected my life more than I wanted. I loved my college classes, but when

Monday came around, I dreaded Cost Accounting so much that I wanted to skip it. If it

wereearlierinthesemester,Imighthave,butIcouldn’triskmissingoutonanythingso

close to the final. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let trivial things like boys

andpartiesovershadowmydreams.AndhereIwas,hidingoutundermycovers,snoozing

myalarmclockthreetimes!

“O-M-G,”Ambercroaked.“Turnitofforgetup.”

“Sorry,” I said, flipping the alarm off. I rolled out of bed and checked the time. I

alwaysgotupearly,soIstillhadtimetoshower.IwasquietasamouseandAmberwas

backasleepwhenIcamebacktotheroomtochange.

I went to the student union for breakfast, checking over my shoulder every few

seconds.AvoidingAlexwaseasyenoughwhenhelivedoffcampus,butIcouldn’tbetoo

careful.HealwaysseemedtofindmewhenIdidn’twanthimto.

Ihidinthecorner,mychairblockedbyasmallwallwhileIsippedmycoffeeand

munchedonablueberrymuffin.Ihadagoodviewofanyonewhocameintothebuilding

andAlexwasn’toneofthem.

ItimeditperfectlysothatIarrivedinclassrightbeforeProfessorTarringtonclosed

thedoor.IperfectedthetechniquelasttimeAlexandIwereontheouts.Iwonderedifthat

wasmynewschedulefortherestoftheyear.Wedidn’thavethatmanyclassesleft,soI

didn’tmindsomuch.

IavoidedlookinginhisdirectionwhenIenteredtheroom.

For the duration of the class, I leaned my head against my open left hand so I

wouldn’tbetempted.

Thelastfiveminutesweretorturous.Asquietlyaspossible,Isneakedmynotebook

andtextbookintomybagsobythetimeclassendedIwasthefirstoutthedoor.

Ididn’tlookbackuntilIheardhimcallingmynameoutsidemydorm.Iglancedup

andsawhimalreadystandingatthedoor.

Ifroze.“Howdidyougetheresoquickly?”

“YouknowI’matrackstar,right?”hesaidwithasmirk.

“Whatdoyouwant?”Iasked,grabbingmykeys.Ibrushedpasthimandshovedthe

keyintothelock.

“Whyhaveyoubeenavoidingme?”

“I’mnot,”Isaid,pullingopenthedoor.

Hemovedhisbodytoblockmefromgettingthroughthedoorway.“That’sbullshit.

Whathappenedtoyoutheothernight?Yousaidyouwerecomingtotheparty.Iknowyou

gotmytextsandphonecalls.Iwasworried.”

“Idon’tfeellikegoingtofratpartiesanymore,”Isaid.“They’reboringandstupid.”

Wow,Isoundedchildish,butIwasn’tabletothinkclearlywithhimsoclosetome.

A frown shaped his lips, and then he shrugged. “That’s your opinion, even though

it’sintheminority.”

Iscoffed.“Isthatall?”

Hishandgrippedthedoorharder.“No,that’snotall.Screwtheparties,canwestill

spendtimetogether?”

Bret’s words about Alex using me flew to the front of my mind. All weekend I

thoughtaboutthem,turningthemoverinmyhead,wonderingifIcouldbemistakenabout

Alex.Iwasn’t.ItwasstupidtothinkthatIcouldfoolaroundwithAlexandnotgethurt.

NowIknewbetter.

Itriedtodenymyfeelingsforhim,butIcouldn’tanymore.Hewasincrediblysweet

but surrounded himself with girls and partying, showing off the fact that he didn’t care

aboutme.Heonlyusedmetogetagoodgradeinclass.

Ifwespentanymoretimetogether,thenIwassuretofallforhimevenmore,andI

couldn’t do that. Not when I knew I’d be setting myself up for disappointment. If I fell

headoverheelsforhim,thenhewouldsurelybreakmyheartintwo.AndIwastoosmart

todothat.

“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Ican’tseeyouanymore.”

Heshookhisheadandhislipspartedslightly“Lily,Idon’t—”

I took his momentary distraction and pushed into the building. “Goodbye Alex.” I

closed the second door behind me so he couldn’t follow. I had to end the conversation

beforeIsaidsomethingIregretted.Forthesakeofmyheart,Ihadtolethimgo.

Alexdidn’ttextorcallmeoverthenextcoupledays.HefinallygotthehintthatI

didn’twanttoseeorhearfromhim.Asmuchasthathurt,itwasnecessary.Heprobably

hadanothergirlonthelinethemomentweendedourconversation.

I knew he would do fine on the final in Cost Accounting. He didn’t need me as

muchashethought.

Amberwaskindtomethroughoutthewholeordeal.IopeneduptohermorethanI

everdidandwebecamecloserbecauseofit.Sheofferedsomestoriesabouthighschool

andboyswhobrokeherheartandviceversa.

WewereheadedtothecafeteriafordinnerwhenIheardsomeonecallingmyname.

Myheartleaped.IwishedAlexwouldtakethehint!Didn’theknowwhathewas

doingtome?

Iwhirledaround,expectingtotellhimthatwhenIcamefacetofacewithBret.

“Bret!”Isaid.“Hi.”Hewasalone,myheartsank.

Ambernudgedmyarmandhereyebrowsliftedinsurprise.Icouldpracticallyhear

the words in her head about me snagging two frat guys. President and Vice President

nonetheless.

Whatshedidn’tknowisthatIwantedneitherofthem.

“Ihaven’tseenyouinforever,”Bretchirped.

“IsawyouSaturday,”Isaid.

Hechuckled.“That’showmuchImissedyou.”

Missedme?Whatwashegettingat?

“WillIseeyouattheMistletoeMeltdownonSaturday?”heasked.

Ambergavemealook,knowingthatdecisionwasuptome.Ifthishappenedweeks

ago,shewouldhaveforcedme.Butsheunderstoodhowuncomfortableitwouldbeforme

toshowupatAlex’shouse.

Ishookmyhead.“Idon’tthinkso.”AsmuchasBretruinedtheintimatemoments

betweenAlexandme,hewasstillhotandadmittedlymademealittlenervous.Ihopedhe

wouldn’tpushmeaboutthis.

“Noway.”Bretstuckhislowerlipoutinapout.“You’retheguestofhonor.”

Ishotalookathim.“Guestofhonor?”

Hebobbedhisheadandsteppedclosertome.

Tinglesshotthroughmybody,butnotthegoodkind.

“Theserviceyouprovidedtoourpresidentearnedyouthathonor.”

“Services?”Amberasked.

Irolledmyeyes.Shealwaysdefaultedtothedirtysideofanyphrasing.“Tutoring.

Hisgradeshaveimproved.”

“Yes, they have,” Bret said, affirming my statement. “So, you see, you need to be

there.Ifyouaren’t,thenthewholepartywillberuined.”

Isnorted.“Idoubtthat.Yourthanksisgoodenoughforme.”

Something flashed in Bret’s eyes. Disappointment or anger. I couldn’t tell. He’d

havenoreasontobeangrywithme.Heseemedlikethetypeofguywhoalwaysgothis

way.

“There’salsoaspecialsurpriseforyou,”hesaid.

“Asurprise?”Amberasked,grinningatme.“Thenyouhavetogo.”

Bretnodded.“Listentoyourfriend.Ipromiseyouwillloveit.”

I sighed, debating my options. Was Alex a part of this surprise? Was this my last

chance to remain friends with him? It would make the last few weeks of classes a little

lessawkward.

“Okay,”Isaid.“I’llbethere.”

Bret’sfacesplitintoawidegrin.“Perfect.”

Chapter17

Alex

The final touch of my Mistletoe Meltdown outfit sat on top of my desk. The

mistletoelacedcrownthatthefraternitypresidentworeformanyyearsmockedme.The

party already started downstairs, but I was unable to get up from my bed. Tonight’s

uniform was more casual than the rest. The central part of the party was the girls. The

pledges passed out little mistletoe pins, and as long as a girl wore one, she was up to

participate in the meltdown. It was entirely voluntary, but it was rare that any girl who

attendedwasn’tawareoftherules.

NexttothecrownsatmyCostAccountingbook.IsmiledatthefactthatIdidwell

on the exam yesterday and unless I completely tanked the final, I was going to pass the

class. That was all because of one girl. The one girl who hated me because I couldn’t

admitmyfeelingsforher.WithmytimeawayfromLily,Ihadalotoffreetimetothink

aboutwhatwentdownbetweenus.

Thevictorywasn’tassweetbecauseIdidn’thavehertocelebratewithme.Imissed

her,morethanIeverhadbefore.Hermissingfrommylifewasagreatloss,andIstarted

tosecondguesseverythinginmylife.Theotherbrothers,especiallyBret,alwaystalked

abouthowgirlsflittedinandoutoftheirlivesandthatwasokayforthem.Theywantedto

exploreallthatcollegehadtooffer.ButafterfindingagirlwhoIconnectedwithmentally

andphysically,Iwasdonewithallthat.Iwantedjusther.Whyhadn’tItoldherthatwhen

Ihadthechance?Didittakelosinghertofinallyrealizemydeeperfeelings?

Glancingaroundmyroom,Iwassomewhatdisgustedbymysurroundings.Ididn’t

wantthisanymore.Iwantedsomethingmore,andIwantedLily.Theideaofresigningas

AKApresidentfloatedthroughmymindoverthelastfewdays.Icouldn’tfullycommitto

her when I had the fraternity looming over my head. Without the frat as a distraction, I

couldcompletelyfocusonmyclassesandmaybeevengraduatewithhonors.Thatwould

alsomeanI’dhavetopayforon-campushousing,whichmyparentscouldn’tafford.Iwas

inadilemma,andLilywasatthecenterofit.

I wanted to talk to her about all of it, but by the way she avoided me, I knew she

wasn’tonthesamepage.Wasthislove?WasIwillingtoriskitallforher?

Ishookmyhead.Theideawassoforeigntome.Besides,shehadatleasttwomore

yearsofcollegeafterIgraduated.IhadtothinkofmylifeoutsideofAKAandUTDallas

andgettingajobtopaybackeverycentofwhatmyparentsgaveuptosendmetoschool.

Almostfailingandlosingmyscholarshipopenedmyeyes.Figuringoutmynextstepshad

totakeprecedenceovereverythingelse.

Myphonewentoff,andIglancedoveratit.

Bret.

Irolledmyeyes.Allweekheactedevenmorearrograntthannormal,almostasifhe

werelaughingataninsidejokeatmyexpense.Itriedtoputhimoutofmymind,butIhad

a feeling that something wasn’t right. I steered clear of him for most of the week, not

returninghomeuntillaterintheday.Spendingtimeatthelibrary,IhopedtorunintoLily

studying,butIneverdid.Iwonderedifshesomehowknewthatwasmyplan.

“Comedown,”Bret’stextsaid.“Theceremonyisabout2start.Uneedtobehereas

prez.”

Igrittedmyteeth.IconsideredignoringthetextuntilIheardthedeafeningcheers

fromtwofloorsdown.

Bret was right. I lifted the crown from the desk. At least after I started off the

meltdown, I could come back up here for the rest of the night. This was Bret’s favorite

partyoftheseasonIdoubtedhe’dnoticemyabsence.

I placed the crown atop my head and plastered a smile on my face. Keeping up

appearances was key until I made a decision. If Bret got even a whiff of me wanting to

resign, he would jump on the opportunity and never let it go. Dealing with that for a

semesterwasn’twhatIneededrightnow.

Heading down the main stairwell, I expected everyone’s eyes to be on me. My

speechwouldbeshortandsweet,moreofasend-off.Noonewantedtohearalongspeech

orpoemaspreviouspresidentsdid.Theguyswantedtogetonwiththemainevent.

Instead,everyonefocusedonsomethingelseinthelivingroom.

Itdidn’ttakelongformetounderstandtheirdistraction.

All of the furniture was removed from the room, making it appear bigger. A

makeshiftstagewasagainstthebackwall.Itwaswherethemaineventwouldtakeplace.

Didtheystartwithoutme?Thatwasn’tpartoftheplan.Iwouldn’thavemindedbut

whydidhecallmedownhere?Ihopedhedidn’tplanonpushinganothergirlatme.

Therewasagirl.ButnotwhoIexpected.WhenIsawher,Iimmediatelyknewwhat

Bretwasupto.Aweightsettledinmystomach,andmyhandsgrippedthebanisterasif

thethinpieceofwoodwasmylifeline.

Bretwasonthestagewithagirl.Notjustanygirl.Mygirl.

He had his arm around Lily. And for the briefest moment, his eyes met mine. A

wickedsmilecrossedhisface.

“Welcomeeveryone,”Bretsaid.“Forthosewhodon’tknowher,Iwanttointroduce

our guest of honor. She helped our president in so many ways this semester and tonight

she’sheresowecanallshowourappreciationtoher.”

My throat tightened as Freddy stepped onto the stage holding a long metal pole.

Strungontheendwasalargebunchoffakemistletoe.

Whoopsandcheersclamoredupfromthecrowd.

Lilysearchedthecrowd,hereyebrowsknittingtogether.Shehadnoideawhatshe

wasinfor.SomehowBretmadehercometherewithouttellingherwhatreallyhappened

attheMistletoeMeltdown.Ifhedid,shewouldhavenevercome.

Through the cheers, I couldn’t hear what Lily was saying to Bret. He pointed his

fingertowardtheceiling.

ShelookedupatthemistletoeandthenbacktoBret.Withoutwarninghewrapped

hisarmaroundherandpulledheragainsthim,crushinghermouthagainsthis.

Heatcoursedthroughmybody.Ibarreleddownthestairstostophislittlegame.I

sawredasIpushedthroughthecrowdtowardLily.

BretletLilygoandtwistedheraroundtofacethelineofbrotherswhoimpatiently

waitedfortheirturn.Theyweresorelymistaken.

Brianwasupnext,andheflexedhismusclesatthecrowd,makingthemcheermore.

Idrovemyelbowsintoeveryonethatwasinmyway,focusingonLily.Shelookedeven

morefragilethanshedidwhenIfirstmetheratFreakyFriday.Shehadnoideawhatwas

coming to her when Freddy moved the pole to position the mistletoe between her and

Brian.

OnceIreachedthestage,IleapedupjustasBriangrabbedLily’sarm.

Brianleanedtowardher,hiseyesclosingasIshovedhimashardasIcould.Ibarely

noticedhimfallingtothegroundasIgrabbedLilyandpulledheragainstme.

“Alex,”shesaidbreathlessly.Hereyeswerewild.

Thebrotherswhoopedandcheeredagain,thinkingIwastakingmyturnwithher.

My stomach churned as I ignored them and said to Lily, “What the fuck are you

doing?”

Chapter18

Lily

Alex’sfingersdugintomyskin.Bret’skissstillsearedmylips.Goosebumpsrippled

acrossmyskinasIrealizedwhyBretinvitedmethere.Iwassuchafooltobelievethat

ass.ItseemedlikeeverytimeIcametothisplace,nothinggoodresultedfromit.

“Kissher!”someoneshoutedfromthecrowd.

AsmuchasIenjoyedkissingAlex,thiswasn’twhatIsignedupfor.Bretviolated

mesobadthatmyteethstartedtochatter.Icouldn’timaginewhatwouldhavehappenedif

Alexdidn’tintervene.

He had no intention of kissing me in front of his brothers. With that thought, I

leanedtowardhim,silentlyacceptinghisprotection.

“Wewerenext!”afewoftheotherbrotherscalledfromthesideofthestage.

That’swhenthecheeringturnedtoboos.

IgrippedAlex’sshirtasthecrowdturnedonhim.

BretwalkeduptoAlexandgotinhisface.TheywerenosetonoseasifBretcould

somehow convince Alex that he was going to let this happen to me. If he thought that,

thenhehadanotherthingcoming.

BretgrabbedAlex’sshoulderandsteeredhimawayfromme.

Themistletoemovedinmydirectionagain,andIgrabbedthepole,shovingitback

towardFreddy.IrememberedhimfromthefirstnightIcametoAKA.Noonewasgoing

toforcethemselvesonmeagain.

Bret’s words carried over the ruckus, and I heard him plain as day. “She’s just a

dumbfreshmanpieceofass.Itwassoeasytogethertocomehere.She’saslut,plainand

simple.YouneedtogetyourheadinthegameAlex,andgetoverher.”

Abreathcaughtinmythroat.MyinstinctsaboutBretwereright.HowcouldIhave

beensostupidtocomehereandthinkthathehadarealsurpriseformeforhelpingAlex?

Heat moved behind my eyes and the need to flee overwhelmed me. I doubted I’d get

anywherewithoutAlexsoIstoodstill,hopingthathewouldhelpmeoutofthere.

Alex’sfacetwisted.I’dneverseenhimsoangrybefore.

As if I was living the moment in slow motion, Alex’s fist drew back and shot

forward, landing directly on Bret’s face. Blood exploded from Bret’s nose. Crimson

poureddownhisfaceasAlexgrabbedmyhandandhelpedmeoffthestage.

Thereweren’tanymorecheersorboos.Thecrowdwentcompletelysilentasnoone

knewwhattodo.

MyheelsshuffledoverthehardwoodasItriedtokeepupwithAlex.Thebrothers

andguestsmovedasideforusasweheadedforthefrontdoor.

Bret’spainedmoansfilledmyears,andIcouldn’thelpbutfeelasenseofpridefor

whatAlexdidforme.

Alex was silent all the way back to the quad, which was all right with me. There

werenowordstodescribewhathappenedatAKA.Thoughashissilencegrew,sodidmy

embarrassmentaboutthesituation.Ifhehadn’tshownupwhenhedid,whatwouldhave

happenedtome?Wouldtheguyshaveforcedthemselvesonme?Itseemedlikely,andthe

thoughtmademyentirebodytremble.

My legs started to go numb, and I couldn’t keep walking without fear of them

fallingoutfromunderme.

IpulledmyhandawayfromAlex’sandstoppedatoneofthebenches.Isatdown

andhuggedmyarmsacrossmychest.

“Areyouokay?”heasked.

“No,” I said sharply. “I’m not okay. Thanks for helping, but I can manage. I just

needtositforaminute.”

“You’renotgoinganywherealone.I’mmakingsureyougettoyourroom.”

Iglancedupathim.“Why?AreyouafraidI’llgorunningbacktothepartylikethe

slutIam?”

Alex winced and shook his head. “No. I know you’re not a slut, Lily. You were a

virginwhenwehadsex.”

Idroppedmyheadintomyhands.Heknew?

Hesatnexttomeandtookmyhandsawayfrommyface,forcingmetolookathim.

Iusedeveryounceofstrengthtoholdbackmytears.

“You’re a sweet and beautiful girl,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ears. I

leanedintohistouch.“I’msureBrettoldyouwhateverhehadtotogetyoutocometothe

party.”

“He said they wanted to thank me for helping you.” Some thanks that was. “I’m

suchanidiot.”

“Youaren’t,”hesaid.“Bretisadick.”

Icouldn’tbelievewhatIwashearing.Alexthrewapunchathisbestfriendforme.

AndhestillthoughtIwasbeautiful,evenafterallthishappened.

I drew in a shaky breath and squeezed his hand. He risked everything for me, his

reputationandhispositioninthefrat.Whatbettertimetolayallthecardsonthetable?

“Willyouwalkmeinside?”Iasked.

“Of course,” he said, helping me up from the bench. My legs were stronger, but

insteadofaching,theywerelikejelly.WasIreallygoingtodothis?

Amberwasoutwithagroupofherfriendsthatnight.Iwassohappythatshehadn’t

beggedmetocometotheparty.Afterwhathappenedatthepreviousparties,shetoldme

thatshewas“overthem”.Aftertellingherwhathappenedearlier,Ihopedshe’dbeover

themforgood.

IinvitedAlexintomyroomandbroughthimovertomybed.Mystomachswooped,

andmyinsideswarmed.Itwasstrangehavinghiminmyprivatespace.

We sat down, and I took his strong hands in mine. “Alex, I have to tell you

something.”

“Whatisit?”heasked,hisgazedartingacrossmyface.“DidBrethurtyou?”

Ishookmyhead.“Ilikeyou.WhichiswhyIthoughtthatitwasbesttoavoidyou.”

Hescootedclosertome.“Wouldn’tyouwanttobenearsomeonewhoyouliked?”

“I know your reputation as a fraternity president. You’re popular, and all the girls

wantyou.Ididn’twantmyheartbroken.”

Helickedhislipsandslowlyshookhishead.“Soyoubrokemyheartinstead?”

“What?”

“Ifeelthesamewayaboutyou,Lily.WhichiswhyI’vebeensopersistentthatwe

spendtimetogether.I’venevermetanyonelikeyou.AndIthinkI’vefallenforyou.”

Ichokedonmywords,unsureofwhattosay.Takinghimuptomyroom,Iintended

ontellinghimhowIfeltandhimturningmedown.He’dtellmehewasbeingpolitein

takingmehomeandthatwasit.Ineverexpectedhimtofallformetoo.

There wasn’t much left to say. So instead, I leaned closer and pressed my mouth

againsthis.

Chapter19

Alex

Telling Lily everything I felt for her lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders. I’d

mistookitforthepressurefrommyparentsandpassingCostAccounting,butitwasLily

who I was nervous about. Putting my feelings out there wasn’t like me, and for some

reason,itfeltgreat.

When she kissed me, I knew she felt the same. I wasn’t sure why the both of us

denied it for so long. I knew our feelings were more the moment I stepped into her

grandmother’s house. Why had I waited so long to confirm our feelings? It would have

madethepastfewweekseasier,butitalsogaveusbothinsightintothebestandworstof

us.AndIwouldn’thavetradedthatfortheworld.

Igrabbedontoherwaistandslungheroverontomylap.Scootingclosertothewall,

Ibalancedheroverme.Idrewherdown,hopingtoconveymyfeelingsforherwithmy

feverish kisses. Every night before I went to bed, I thought of Lily naked on my sheets.

Now,Iwasn’tabouttolethergoforanything.

Irippedoffmyshirtandliftedhersoverherhead.Herhairfelloverherface,andI

brusheditasidebeforekissingheragain.

Herhipsgroundintominemakingmemadwithlust.Ipulleddownthestrapsofher

braandcuppedtheminmyhands.Theyweretheperfectfit.

The first time we had sex, I got a little carried away too quickly. I was unable to

containmyselfaroundherwiththatcuteoutfit,andmyfeelingshadtakenovermybody.

Now,Iwantedtotakeitslowandmakethismomentsomethingmemorableforthebothof

us. I wasn’t screwing around anymore. That was a part of my past. Lily was my future,

whethersheknewitornot,I’dmakeherfeelit.

Islowlyundressedher,takingmytime,kissingeveryinchofherskin.Shereacted

tomytouch,andImemorizedeverylittlesoundshemadewhenItouchedher.Iwantedto

pleaseherasmuchasshepleasedme.Hereagernesswasadefiniteturnon,andIknew

eventhoughshewasinexperienced,shewasn’tatallafraidtoexpresshowshefeltwhenI

touchedher.

WhenIcouldn’tbearitanylonger,Istoodupandtookoffmyclothes.Igrabbedthe

condom from my pocket and pulled it over myself before laying back down with her. It

wasn’tsomethingIalwayshadwithme,butsinceourfirstencounter,Inevermetupwith

Lilywithoutone.Isupposeditwasforwardtoexpectherandmetocometogetheragain,

butImadeitmymissiontogetwithhermentallyandphysically.Iwantedtoprotecther

too,sothatinvolvedalittlefoilprotectionaswell.

Iscoopedherupinmyarms.Herarmsdrapedovermyshoulders,balancingherself

on my lap. I buried myself inside of her, and she dropped her head back. I captured the

napeofherneckundermykissesandheldheragainstme.

Sherockedherhips,slowlyatfirstbutsoonenoughshebuiltupspeed.Iknewthe

positionwouldgiveheranamazingorgasmandIwantedtoshowherhowgreatsexcould

be.Shehadalottolearn,andIwantedtobehertutorforachange.Herreactionsmade

me build to the climax quicker than I anticipated. And since she was so eager, we both

came together this time, the waves of pleasure crashing over us, rippling through our

bodies.

“I never knew it could feel like that,” she said, pressing her forehead against my

shoulder.

Iheldherclosetome,notwantingtolethergojustyet.We’dneverbeensoclose

before,andIneededtogathersomestrengthfromhertoaskthequestionthatweighedon

mymindforsometime.

Whenwefinallybrokeapart,wesnuggledfacetofaceonherbedourlimbstangled

together.Ididn’tbotherwithblanketssinceacrazyamountofheatradiatedoffourbodies.

Itookherhandsinmineanddrewthemuptomylips,kissingeachoneofthem.

Hereyescrinkledinthecornersasshesmiled.

Icouldn’tforeseeherreaction,butIdidn’twanttodelayitmuchfurther.Mynerves

gotthebestofmearoundher,solidifyingmyfeelings.Shemademewanttobesomeone

better,someonethatcoulddeserveher.

Shetwistedaroundandpressedherbodyagainstmine.Sherubbedherassagainst

mycrotch,andIstartedtobecomearousedoncemore.

Iinhaledthescentofherhair,feelingmorecontentthanIeverdidinmyentirelife.

Istrokedherhairandpressedmylipsagainstherhead.ThisiswhereIwantedtobe.My

decisionwasmade,andIdidn’tknowwhyIhadn’tmadeitsooner.

“Lily?”

“Hm?”

“Iwanttoaskyousomething.”

Shetwistedherneck,soshefacedmeagain.

Itracedthelineofherjawwithmyfinger.“Willyoubemygirlfriend?”

A slow smile spread across her lips. She turned around completely and kissed me.

“Yes.”

Iletoutabreath,wantingtobecompletelyhonestandopenwithherfromhereon

out.“I’mgoingtoquitthefraternityandconcentrateongraduatingwithhighmarks.”

“Soundslikeaplan.”ShesoundedmorerelievedthanIfelt.Itwouldn’thavebeen

fairtoherformetocontinue.Bretwouldbethestereotypicalpresidentthatthefraternity

wanted.TherewasnoreasonformetopartyallthetimeandseekoutgirlswhenIhadthe

oneIwantedatarm’slength.

“I want you in my life more than as a tutor,” I said, wanting to be clear on my

intention.“Iwantustobuildalifetogether.”

“Alex,”shesaid.“That’sexactlywhatIwantaswell.”

Ipulledhercloseandkissedher,feelingtheweightofmydecisionliftawayfrom

theperfectunionwecreatedtogether.

Chapter20

Lily

FrankSinatra’s“HaveYourselfaMerryLittleChristmas”playedoverthespeakers

inthelobbyofGrandma’snewhome.AlexandIwalkedhandinhandtothefrontdeskto

requestentrytoseeher.

Wewentuptoherroom,aplaceweknewquitewell.Eventhoughitwasn’tcloseto

the campus, Alex and I helped her move into her new apartment and had visited every

weekend since. She said she’d wait until after the New Year, to save me from having

Christmas elsewhere, but I realized that this was her life now and I made my own with

Alex.IfshewantedtomovethenIwouldn’tputupanymoreofafight.

AlexkissedmeonthenosebeforeIknockedonherdoor.Asliverofpleasurecoiled

aroundmystomachasIleanedintohim.

The door opened, and Alex and I said, “Merry Christmas!” I displayed her gift in

myhands.Ibroughtherasnowglobefromalocalshopnearcampustoremindherofme.

“It’snotChristmasyet,”Grandmasaidwithasmile.Shewassoliteralsometimes.

“I’llsayittoyouagaintomorrowifyou’dlike,”Isaid.

Shepulledmeintoahug.“Howwerefinals?”

AlexandIenteredtheapartmentwhichhadchangedsomuchsincewevisitedlast.

There was a small tree on the coffee table. My heart sunk but I tried to keep my

appearance as positive as I could. Of course, I missed the giant tree that she decorated

each year, but as I tried to convince myself, things were different now. We were both

movingonwithourlives,andthroughthat,changewasinorder.

Wetalkedforalittlewhileaboutfinalswhileweexchangedgifts.Sheknittedahat

forAlexandascarfforme.Ialreadyreceivedallmygrades,andtheywerestraightA’sas

normal.IboastedAlexabitsayingthathefinishedhissemesterwithhighB’sandsome

A’s.Iwassoproudofhimandhisaccomplishments.Him,evenmoreso.Buthemadea

goaltogetallA’snextsemester.

“Shouldweheaddownstairs?”Grandmaasked.

Thehallwayswerebustlingwiththeresidentsandtheirfamilieswhocametovisit

fortheChristmasEveparty.Grandmahadalottosayaboutwhatwentonthatweek.She

was on the decoration committee and donated her boxes of decorations to the home. I

squeezedherhandasInoticedalotofmemoriesdisplayedonthewalls.Ihadafeeling

she did most of this for me to ease the transition and there were no words to thank her

enough.

Inthemaindiningroom,familiessatattables,catchingupwhileeatingcookiesand

drinkingeggnogandcocoa.

“Stayhere,”Grandmasaid,leavingAlexandmeatanemptyfour-persontable.

“What’ssheupto?”Iasked.

Alexshrugged.“Ihavenoclue.ButI’mdyingforacookie.”

I laughed, watching him brave the line to get a cookie from the serving station

acrosstheroom.

Grandmaapproachedanoldergentlemanwhoexpertlyplayedthepianoontheother

sideoftheroom.Fromthewaysherestedherhandonhisshoulder,Iknewtherewasa

budding romance already in the works. I supposed at that age, you gave into your

impulses,neverknowinghowmuchtimeyouhadleft.

IglancedatAlexwhowasonhiswaybackwithastackofcookiesonasmallred

paperplate.

“Issheasinger?”Alexaskedme,indicatingthepiano.

“Notaprofessional,butshe’sgood.”

Asifoncue,shestartedsingingwiththeolderman.Therestoftheroombegunto

takenotice,andafterafewmoments,theirvoicesweretheonlyonesheard.

Halfway through the song, Grandma broke out of her trance and invited others to

sing.

Alex handed me the cookies and went over to the piano, volunteering himself.

Severalotherswentaswell.

I watched them, not wanting to subject anyone in that room to my singing voice.

AlexputhisarmaroundGrandmawhiletheysangtogether.Thesightwasbeautiful,andit

broughttearstomyeyes.IneverexpectedanyonetomeldintomylifeaseasilyasAlex

did.WitheverythinghedidforGrandmaandme,itwashardnottofallinlovewithhim.

Whenthepartystartedtowinddown,Ivolunteeredtohelpcleanupthediningroom

while the families dispersed to exchange gifts with each other. I would have loved to

spend Christmas with Grandma, but she insisted that I spend the day with Alex and his

family.Iwantedtosavoreachmomentwithherandtrytomakenewholidaymemoriesat

thehome.

“Lily,”Alexsaidfrombehindme.

Ihandedoverthegarbagebagtooneofthestafftothrowaway.“What’sup?”

“Iwanttogiveyousomething,”hesaid,pullingmebackintothediningroom.

Grandma and her male friend were still at the piano, giggling with each other like

little kids. I couldn’t help but smile. How could I have ever thought that she wouldn’t

make it on her own? She was the strongest woman I knew. I hoped to have half her

courageandstrengthwhenIwasherage.

“Ithoughtweweren’texchanginggiftsuntiltomorrow?”Iaskedhim.

HepositionedmeinfrontofhimasifIwereadecorationtobeplaced.Iraisedan

eyebrowwhatwasheupto?

Hepulledoutasmallboxfrombehindhisback.

Iopeneditandinsidewasalarge,shinydiamondattachedtoasilverband.

“Ohmygosh,”Isaid.“Thisisn’t…isthis—?”

Answering me, Alex knelt down beside me. I peered up at Grandma, my mouth

openedwide.Shesmiledbroadlyatme.Didsheknowaboutthis?

IlookeddownatAlexasheheldmyhandinhis.“Iknowwe’veonlyknowneach

otherforoneterm,butIwantedtotellyouthatI’minlovewithyou.Andifyouwoulddo

methehonorofspendingtherestofourlivestogether.”

“Alex,”Isaid,breathless.“Idon’tknowwhattosay.”

“Sayyes!”Grandmacheered.Herfriendshushedher.

Iletoutasoundbetweenalaughandasob.

“We can wait to get married until after you graduate,” he said. “But you should

knowthatI’mseriousaboutus,LilyDavis.”

Isniffed,tryingtocomposemyselfformyanswer.Alexmirroredmyfeelingsabout

him. He was everything I ever dreamed about in a man; smart, sexy, talented, and got

along with my only living family member. He was perfect. And even though I was still

youngandhadalotoflifetolive,Icouldn’timaginebeinghappierwithanyoneelse.

“Yes,”Isaid,reachingdowntohelphimup.

Heslidtheringonmyfingerandkissedme.Igiggledagainsthislipsandtiltedmy

head back, allowing him to lift me up from the ground. He twirled me around, and I

noticed the tuft of mistletoe that hung from the ceiling above us. This was the mistletoe

kissthatIwouldneverforget.

TheEnd

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AbouttheAuthor

Ali Parker is a full-time contemporary and new adult romance writer with more than a
hundred and twenty books behind her. She loves coffee, watching a great movie and
hanging out with her hubs. By hanging out, she means making out. Hanging out is for
thoselittlecreepyelvesatChristmas.Notightgreenstockingsforher.

She’sanentrepreneuratheartandlovescomingupwithmoreideasthananyoneperson
shouldbeallowedtoaccess.ShelivesinTexaswithherhubsandthreekiddosandlooks
forwardtotravelingtheworldinafewyears.Writingunderelevenpennameskeepsher
busyandallowshertoexploreallgenresandtypesofwriting.

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UndertheMisletoe

Copyright©2017byAliParker

Allrightsreserved.Thisbookoranyportionthereofmaynotbereproducedorusedinany

mannerwhatsoeverwithouttheexpresswrittenpermissionofthepublisherexceptforthe

useofbriefquotationsinabookreview.

Thenovelisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandplotarealleitherproductsof

theauthor’simaginationorusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualevents,locales,or

persons–livingordead–ispurelycoincidental.

FirstEdition.

Editor:MaryWolney

Designer:KellieDennis,

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