RAYOF

LOVE

(RaySeries#3)

E.L.TODD

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ChapterOne

ThreeMonthsLater…

Rae

I didn’t realize I was over Ryker until I stopped thinking about him. But I didn’t realize I had

stopped thinking about him because I wasn’t thinking about him. When I thought about him for the first

timeinsevendays,Irealizedhewasn’tonmymindanymore.

Iwasfinallyfree.

Itwasadarkthreemonths.Iputonabravefaceforeveryoneelse,butmynightswerelonely,and

the time I spent alone in the lab was the most difficult. I had flashbacks of our romance, of our nights

togetherandallthegreattimeswehad.OverwhelminglosswouldhitmehardinthechestwhenIleast

expectedit.

ButthenIrememberedIhadnoreasontomisshim.

Hedidn’tdeserveme,andIneededtoforgetaboutRykerandfindsomeonewhodid.

IwalkedintothekitchenandsawRexsittingatthetable.Healwayslookedlikeatrainwreckin

themorningbecausehestayedouttoolatethenightbefore.Hewentoutwithsomegirlanddidn’tcome

backuntilsomeobscenehour.Ididn’taskaboutthedetailsbecauseI’dhaverathernotknown.

Ipouredamugofcoffeeandmadeabowlofcereal.“Stillaliveoverthere?”

Rexrestedhisfaceinhishandsashestareddownintohiscoffee,oneeyeopen.“Uh-huh.”

“Wantsomecereal?”

“Nah…”Heyawnedloudlythenrubbedthesleepfromhiseye.

I took a seat at the table and enjoyed my breakfast before I had to head off to work. I stayed at

COLLECTbecauseIlovedmyjobandrefusedtomovejustbecauseRykerrantheshow.Aslongashe

didn’tcomedownstairsforavisit,therewasnoreasonforustoseeeachother.TheonlyinteractionIhad

withhimwaslookingathissignatureonmychecks.“Ifyouhatewakingupearly,whydoyougotowork

inthemorning?”

“I’vegottotakecareofalltheofficestuff.Youwouldn’tunderstand.”

“That’sright.”Inarrowedmyeyes.“BecauseI’mstupid…”

“Exactly.”

Aknocksoundedonthefrontdoor.

Whowouldbetherethatearlybeforework?“Comein.”

Zeke opened the door and walked inside, wearing his dark blue scrubs before he headed off to

work.Eveninbaggyclothes,themusclesofhisbodywerenoticeable.Hisfacewascleanlyshaven,and

hishairlookednice.“Hey.”Anewspaperwastuckedunderhisarm,andhedidn’tseemascheerfulashe

usuallywas.

“Somethingup?”Rexasked.

“Yeah…” Zeke took a seat at the head of the table and opened the paper until he reached the

obituarysection.“Rae,I’msorrytotellyouthis.Iknowyouwerefondofhim.”Heturnedthepaperand

showedmethearticle.“Ididn’twantyoutowalkintoworkwithoutknowing.”

“Whatisit?”IpulledthepaperclosertomeandrealizedMr.Pricehadpassedaway.“Ohno…”I

setmymugonthetableandreadthearticlefrombeginningtoend.Itsaidhehadashortbattlewithcancer

beforehelostthefight.Hewassurvivedbytwosons.

IguessRykerdidhaveabrother.

Zekewatchedme,studyingmyfaceforsignsofdistress.

“That’s…”TherewerenowordstodescribewhatIwasfeeling.Mr.Pricewasalwayssoniceto

me and to everyone who worked at COLLECT. He had a generous spirit and a heart that could love

everyoneineverysingleroomhesteppedinto.“That’ssoterrible.”Ireadtheremainingparagraphs.“It

saysRykertookoverwhenhewasfirstdiagnosedsohecouldspendthelastfewmonthsofhislifewith

hisfamily…”NowRyker’sattitudemadesense.Hereallywasforcedtotakethejob.

“Sosad,”Zekesaid.“Iknowyouwerefondofhim.”

“Iwas…”Oncetheinitialshockworeoff,Ithoughtofmyex.“IhopeRykerisokay.Thismustbe

hard for him…” I remembered the tense conversations we had about his family. He asked me to never

discusshisfather,andnowitmadesense.Rykerknewhewasdyingofcancer,anditwasjusttoohardto

talkabout.

“Whogivesashit?”Rexsnapped.

“Rex.”Isetdownthepaperandgavehimacoldlook.“There’snoneedtobeviciouslikethat.”

“Like I give a damn.” He drank his coffee and didn’t remove his hateful scowl. “It’s not like I

knewtheoldmananyway.”

“It’sstillnotokay.”DespitewhatRykerdidtome,hedidn’tdeservetogothroughthis.Noone

shouldhavetobearthepainoflosingaparent.

Fortunately,Zekewasonmysideforthisone.“Thefuneralistomorrow.”

“Pleasedon’ttellmeyou’regoingtogo,”Rexsnapped.“Becausethatbitchfacewillbethere.”

“Of course I’m going to pay my respects to Mr. Price. And I don’t care if Ryker is there. If

anything…I’dliketotellhimI’msorryforhisloss.”We’dbeenbrokenuplongenoughthatwecouldbe

civiltooneanother.Intimesoftragedy,pettydifferencesshouldbeputaside.AndwhenIsaidIloved

himthreemonthsago,Imeantit.Ididn’tfeelthatwayanymore,butIcouldneverbesocoldtosomeoneI

everfeltthatwayabout.

“Hedoesn’tdeserveyourpity,”Rexsaid.“I’mnotgoing.”

“Youare,”Isaidfirmly.

“Fuck.No.”Heleanedbackinhischairandgavemethattypicalattitude.

“He’syourfriend,Rex.Yourstoo,Zeke.”Ourbreakupshouldn’ttearthemapart.

“Hestoppedbeingmyfriendthesecondhefuckedyouover,”Rexsaid.

“Metoo,”Zekesaid.“I’msorry,Rae.Butwhathedidwasn’tcool.”

“Well,willyoupleasegotothefuneralforme?”Ilookedthembothintheeye.“BecauseIwould

likeitifyouwerethere.”

Zeke’seyesimmediatelysoftened.“Okay.”

SinceZekegavein,Rexfeltobligatedtoaswell.“Fine.Whatever.”

***

Aftertheceremonyinthechurch,wearrivedatthegravesite.Theyplacedthecoffinnexttothe

newly dug grave. It was rich mahogany, the dark wood designed and made for a king. It was the most

beautifulcoffinI’deverseen,asmorbidathoughtasitwas.

Peoplegatheredaroundtosaytheirgoodbyes.Quietly,guestsleftsotheycouldattendthewake

being held at the Four Seasons in Seattle. The three of us weren’t planning on attending the service

becauseIworriedourextendedpresencemaymakeRykerfeeluncomfortable.AllIreallywantedtodo

wassaygoodbye.

IspottedRykeralongsidehismother.Sheworeallblackwithaveilcoveringherface.Shewas

crying, weeping openly for the man she lost. She was tall, just like her son. Even though her face was

mostlyhidden,Icouldtellshewaspretty.

ShecriedintoRyker’sshoulderashehuggedherwaist,supportinghismomduringthisdifficult

time.Heworethesamecoldexpressionhealwayshad,histhoughtsandemotionsimpossibletoread.

AmanIcouldonlyassumewashisbrothercametotheirmother’ssideandconsoledhernext.He

wrappedhisarmaroundhershoulderandguidedhertospeaktosomeonewhoapproachedthegrave.

Rykerremainedwherehewas,staringatthecoffinwherehisfatherlay.

I stared at him and felt intense pain wash over me. Even though he didn’t wear his heart on his

sleeve,Iknewhewascryingariverinside.Iknewhewassufferingabattlenoonecouldsee.Hewas

devastated,evenifherefusedtoshowit.

“Let’s go pay our respects.” I walked around the grave until I approached Ryker from the side,

ZekeandRextrailingbehindme.

WhenRykerlookedup,heclearlywasn’texpectingtome.HiseyesdilatedlikeIshinedalightin

them.Hisexpressionwasunreadable,butIknewhefeltsomethingwhenhesawme.Itwasthefirsttime

we’dlookedateachothersinceItoldhimoffoutsidethatbar.

IstoppedwhenIwasdirectlyinfrontofhim,butIwasstillanarm’slengthaway.ThelastthingI

wantedhimtothinkwasthatthiswasaconfrontation.“I’msosorry,Ryker…”Iwantedtohughim,even

shake his hand. But I didn’t think affection would be permitted based on where our relationship stood.

“Yourdadwasagreatman.We’llallmisshim.”

Hestaredatmelikehewasn’tsureIwasreal.

Icouldn’ttellifmywordswerewelcomeornot.Isteppedtothesidesotheguyscouldspeakto

him.

ZekeextendedhishandandshookRyker’s.“I’msorryforyourloss.”

Rykernoddedingratitude.

Rexcamenext,buthefalteredindiscomfort.Itchurnedhisinsidestobethebiggermanwhenit

cametoRyker.Hewouldneverforgivehimforwhathedidtome.Rexwasfartooprotectiveofmetolet

itgo.

Butfinally,hefoundthegracetobecivil.Heshookhishead.“I’msorry,Ryker.”Thatwasallhe

couldforcehimselftosay.

Rykernoddedagain.

RexwalkedawayandjoinedZeke.Therewasnothingelsetosay.ItwastimetoleavesoRyker

couldbealonetogrieve.Weturnedawayandheadedbacktoourcar.

“Rae.”ItwasthefirsttimeRykerspoke,andhisvoicewasdeeperthanit’deverbeenbefore.

Weallstoppedandturnedaround.

Rykerturnedawayfromthegraveandstaredatme,waitingformetocomebacktohisside.

RexgavemealookthatsaidIshouldkeepwalking.

Zekedidn’thaveareaction.

I crossed the wet grass until we were face-to-face again. I saw the heartbreak in Ryker’s blue

eyes.Isawthewhirlwindofpain.MybitternesstowardhimfinallydisappearedwhenIrealizedmypain

overourbreakupwasnothingincomparisontowhathefeltrightnow.

“I’msorryforeverythingthathappenedbetweenus.Iwantyoutoknowthat.”

The last thing I expected was an apology—at least on a day like this. “It’s okay, Ryker. I’ve

forgivenyouandmovedonwithmylife.”Itfeltsogoodtosaythat,tosayIwasokayandactuallymean

it. “I hope you find peace.” I reached up and touched his arm, letting my hand rest there for several

heartbeats.Ifeltthewarmthburnfromhisbody.AndIalsofelthimshakeslightly.“Takecare.”

***

“I think you did the right thing, Rae.” Zeke walked beside me down the hallway. Rex was up

ahead,walkingfasterthanbothofusbecausehewasstarving.Hegottheapartmentdoorunlockedand

dartedinside.

“Yeah?”Ipulledmyjacketcloseraroundmybodytofightthechill.

“Imean…Iwasreallyangryaboutthewholething.Thewayhetreatedyou…notcool.ButIthink

thefactthatyou’resomatureandforgivingaboutitprobablymakeshimfeelworse,inaway.”

“How?”

“Itmakeshimrealizethediamondhetrulylost.”Zekenudgedmeinthesideandgavemeasmile.

“Maybe.ButIdoubthe’sthinkingaboutanythinglikethatrightnow.”

“Probablynot.ButIbethewishesyouwerebesidehimduringthisdifficulttime.”

IsnortedbecauseZekewasdeadwrongaboutthat.“Weweredatingwhenhisfatherhadcancer,

andhenevertoldmeaboutit.He’sneverwantedmetobethereforhim.”

“Maybehedoesnow.”

Ihadagreaterprobabilityofwinningthelottery.“Thanksforcomingtoday.”

“Nobigdeal.RykerandIusedtobefriends.IthinkitwasgoodRexandIwerethere.”

“Metoo.”

WewalkedintotheapartmentjustasRexwaswalkingout.

“Whereareyougoing?”

Hewasstillchewingsomethingbecausehestuffedhisfaceinlessthanthirtysecondsbeforehe

tookoffagain.“Guneamucha.”

Icockedmyheadtothesideinconfusion.“What?”

Rextriedagain.“Gineadeeata.”

“Rex!”Ithrewmyarmsdown.“Swallowandthentalk!”

“Igotit,”Zekesaid.“Hesaidhehasadate.”

Rexgavehimathumbs-upbeforehewalkedoff.

IturnedbacktoZeke.“Howthehelldidyoufigurethatout?”

Zeke shrugged. “Being best friends since we were five. That’s how.” He walked into my

apartment and snatched a beer from the fridge. “I got the whole day off from work, so you wanna do

something?”

“Doesthatmeanyourofficeisclosed?”

“No. If I closed it down, people would lose a day of work. Some of my employees might like

havingthedayoff,butIknowothersneedthosehourstopaybillsandwhatnot.”

“So…they’rerunningapracticewithoutadoctor?”

“No.”Hechuckledthensatatthekitchentable.“Ihaveafriendfillinginforme.”

“That’scool.Atleastyouhavesomeonetotakeoverforyouwhenyou’resick.”Itwastooearly

inthedayforbeer,soIgrabbedawaterandsatacrossfromhim.

Zeke sipped his beer and stared at me. His blue eyes narrowed slightly as he took me in, their

brilliancenotasobviousaslesslightenteredthem.Somethingseriouswascoming.Itwasonlyamatter

oftimebeforehespititout.“So…howwasitseeinghimforthefirsttime?”Hisfingersrestedaroundhis

glassasitsatonthetable.

“Um…I don’t know.” I knew I would see Ryker again somewhere down the road. If Zeke had

askedmethatafewmonthsago,Iwouldhavehadamuchdifferentreaction.Iwouldn’thavebeenableto

stopmyselffromdaydreamingaboutRykerwantingmetotakehimback.Butnowitwasdifferent.

“Youdon’tknow?”

“Gettingoverhimwasreallyhardforme.IknowIputonabravefaceforeveryone,butitreally

wasastruggle.”

Hiseyessoftened.

“Andwhenyoulovesomeoneonce,youkindaalwayslovethem,youknow?”Iknewthatdidn’t

makeanysense.“Idon’thavefeelingsforhimanymore,butIdefinitelydon’twanthimtoeverbeinpain.

IguessI’llalwayscareabouthiminsomeway.”

Henodded.“Iunderstandthat.”

“WhenIlookedathim,Ididn’tfeelanyofthethingsIusedtofeel.ButIdefinitelyfelthispain.”

Henoddedagain.

“I’m not sure when I finally got over him. I think it was probably a few weeks ago. I stopped

thinkingabouthimaltogether.Istoppedwonderingwhohewasbringingbacktohisapartment.Ijust…

stoppedcaring.”

“That’s good. It takes a while to get there, but you made it.” He clanked his bottle against my

glass.“Andnowyou’refree.”

“Yeah,Iguessso.”

“Soyou’regoingtojumpbackintothedatingpool?”

Theideawasrepulsive.“Absolutelynot.”

“Really?”Bothofhiseyebrowsrose.“Jumpbackonthehorse.”

“I don’t have any urge to. I guess I’m over the dating scene. The only type of guys I go for are

assholes.”Iwasdrawntothemlikeamothtoaflame.Theirinabilitytocommitwasdesirable,andtheir

coldness just drew me in even more. I considered myself to be a smart woman, but that clearly only

appliedtotextbooks.

“You’vekissedsomefrogs,butyou’llfindyourPrinceCharming,Rae.Don’tworryaboutthat.”

“I’ve never really cared about settling down before, but now I really want it. I want to find my

husband,someonewhotrulylovesmeanddoesn’tplaygames,andIjustwanttobehappy.”Istareddown

intomywaterglassandonlyfeltalittleuncomfortablemakingthatconfessiontoZeke.Butsincehewas

mybestfriend,hewouldunderstand.“Iknowthatmakesmesoundlike—”

“Itdoesn’t.”Hegavemethesamefondlookhealwaysusedtogiveme.“Notatall.You’rejust

finallyatthatplacewhereyou’rereadyfortherealthing.Nowyouunderstandhowmuchyouwantit.”

“Whendidthathappenforyou?”

Henarrowedhiseyeslikehedidn’tknowwhatIwasasking.

“It seems like you’re pretty serious with Rochelle. I just assumed you considered settling down

onceyoumet.”

“Oh…yeah.IguessIgottiredofsleepingaround.RexandIhadsharedafewgirlsawhileago,

andwhileitwasadventurousandexciting,IrealizedjusthowlonelyIreallywas.”

Instead of being disgusted by what he said about my brother, I focused on what he said about

himself.AndIactuallyfeltbadforhim.

“Itmademefeelempty.Ihadnothingmoreimportantinmylifethanfuckingaround.Itmademe

realizeIwantedawomanwhowasmoreexcitingthananythreeorfoursomeIcouldpossiblyhave.Ihave

myhouseandmypractice,andnowIwantabeautifulwifetosharethatwith.Iwanttohavekids.Iguess

I’mreadytomoveforward—likeyou.”

“AndyouseethatwithRochelle?”

Helookeddownathisbeerbeforehetookadrink.“Yeah…Ithinkso.”

“Well, good for you. It looks like your search is over.” And mine was only beginning. “I like

Rochelle because she’s classy, you know? She’s fun to be around, but she also has that elegance that

automaticallymakesyourespecther.Ithinkshe’dbeagreatwomantoshareyourlifewith.”

Hetookalongdrinkofhisbeeruntilitwascompletelyempty.Whenhesetitonthetable,itmade

adistinctivetap.“I’mgladyouguyslikeher…”

“She’sdefinitelymyfavoriteincomparisontotheothersyou’vebroughtaround.”Irealizedhow

rudeIsounded,soIquicklytriedtorectifyit.“Notthattherewasanythingwrongwiththem,Ijust—”

“It’sokay,”hesaidwithachuckle.“Iknowwhatyoumean.”

Anawkwardmomenthungbetweenus,apregnantsilencefilledwithwordsunsaid.Ilookedout

thewindowbecauseIdidn’tknowwhatelsetodo.ItwastheonlytimeIfeltuncomfortablearoundZeke,

eventhoughIcouldn’texplainwhy.

“YouwanttogetlunchatMegaShake?”heasked.

I’dneversaynotoMegaShake.“Thatsoundslikeagreatidea.”

***

I watched him eat a double-double and two orders of fries—all by himself. “Damn, you were

hungry.”

“Iskippedbreakfast,andIhitthegymhardyesterday.Haven’thadanyrecoveryfood.”Heplaced

ahandfuloffriesintohismouthandchewedthemquickerthanRexeverdid.“Iswear,Idon’tnormally

eatlikeapig.”

“Idon’tthinkyou’reapig,”Isaid.“I’mimpressed.”

Helaughed.“Idon’tthinkmostwomenwouldbe.”

“Dude,ifIatethatmuch,mythighswouldexplode.”

Herolledhiseyes.“Rae,youhavebeautifullegs.Shutup.”

“Ididn’tsayanythingaboutmylegs.Justmythighs.Allthefatgoestomythighs—everytime.”

“That’sprettytypicalforwomen.Inmen,itgoestotheirstomachs.”

Ieyedthetoppartofhisstomachoverthetable.“Thenwheredoesyoursgo?”

“Tothegym,”hesaidwithasmile.“Weightliftingboostsyourmetabolismandhelpsyouburnfat

alldaylong.”

“I’mnotmuchofalifter.Iliketorun,butthat’saboutit.AndunlessI’mchasingafteraball,I’m

prettybored.”

Hechuckled.“Thatmakessense.Idon’tdoenoughcardio,somaybeweshouldplayballtogether

everyday.”

“Oneonone?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,ifyouwanttogetyourasskickedeveryday,that’sfinebyme.”

“Herecomestheshittalk…”

“I’mnotshittalking.I’mjustgivingyouaheads-up.”

“Rae,I’mnotworriedaboutit.I’mprettysurewe’dbecompetitiveadversaries.Andwe’dgeta

seriousworkout.”

“Idon’tknow…It’sonethingtolosetoawomanonce,butoverandover?Thatmightgetold.”

Heshovedafewmorefriesintohismouth.“You’recocky,aren’tyou?”

“Hey,you’veseenmeonthecourt.”

“Well,maybeyouneedtogetarealitycheck.Maybeyouaren’tasgoodasyouthinkyouare.”

NowIwasintrigued.“Oh,really?”

“Yes.Really.”

Ilovedachallenge,anditseemedlikeZekewasbringingit.“Ilookforwardtoit.”

ChapterTwo

Rex

EveryonemetatGroovyBowlwhentheygotoffwork.Itwastheperfectplacetohaveameeting

withoutthatnosylittleknow-it-allsnoopingaround.Wesatatahigh-toptableinthebararea.

Kaydenstillworeherglassesbecauseshecamestraightfromworkatthelibrary.Whenshewore

hercontacts,shestrainedhereyestoread.Hereyesdidn’tgetenoughairandmoisturewithcontacts,and

theybegantohurtafterawhile.Personally,Ithoughtshelookedcuteinherblack-framedglasses—very

sexy.

Zekewore his darkblue scrubs becausehe just got offwork too. Hedidn’t shave that morning,

andIcouldseethefacialhaircominginquickly.Jessielookedlikeabeautyqueen,asalways.

“OperationRae’ssecretbirthdaypartyisineffect.”Iclappedmyhandsatthestartofthemeeting.

“IwasthinkingwecouldgetallgettogetheratMcHenry’s.That’sherfavoritebardowntown.Wecould

havesomedrinks,opensomepresents,andhitthedancefloor.”

“That’saprettycoolidea,”Zekesaid.“Iknowtheyhaveaprivatepartyroom.Maybewecould

rentthatoutsowe’llhavesomespace,justincasethebarisfull.Besides,wecouldgetacake.”

“Goodthinking,”Isaid.“Ilikecake.”

“Whodoesn’tlikecake?”Jessiesaid.“Chocolateisherfavorite,soI’lltakecareofthat.Since

theBullsareherfavoriteteam,I’llhavetheirlogoputontop.”

“Yeah,that’sagreatidea.”IturnedtoKayden.“Doyouthinkyoucangetthedecorations?”

“Whatdecorations?”Kaydenasked.“Isthisachildren’sbirthdayparty?”

Iloveditwhenshewasasmartasstome.Gotmehard.“Ithoughtwecouldhavesomeballoonsor

something.”

“Atabar?”Kaydenaskedincredulously.“No.Nodecorations.Thecakeandpresentsareenough.

She’snotfive.”

“WithaChicagoBullscake,sheseemsfive,”Ijabbedatnooneinparticular.

“We’ll invite some of her friends from work and school,” Zeke said. “So I think about twenty

peoplewillbethere.”

“That’s a good number,” Jessie said. “Not too many and not too few. I hope Ash will be there.

Gawd,he’shot.”

“Yeah,whatever,”Isaid.“SoIguessthat’saboutit.Prettyeasytoplan,actually.”

“Raeisreallysimple,”Kaydensaid.“Themosteasygoingpersonintheworld.”

Isnortedbecauseitwasstupid.“Trylivingwithher.Ileftaforkinthesink,andshescreamedat

me.”

“Becauseitwascoveredwithmustard,”Zekeargued.“Thatshitstains.”

“Whatever,”Isaid.“Thehousehastobeintip-topshape.Otherwise,it’stheendoftheworld.”

“Itisherplace,”Jessiesaid.“Imean,whowantstolivelikeapig?”

“Andyoudidleaveadrippingmilkcartononthefloor,”Kaydensaid.

Iturnedmyfuriouseyesonher,feelingbetrayedwhenshetookRae’ssideovermine.

Kaydenshruggedthenlookedaway.“Justsaying…”

“Lookslikeit’ssettled,then,”Zekesaid.“Ithinkshe’sgoingtohaveagoodtime.Sheseemeda

littledownwhenItalkedtoherafewdaysago.Weshouldcheerherup.”

“Ohyeah,”Jessiesaid.“HowdiditgowithRyker?”

“Good,”Zekesaid.“Raewastotallyfinewithit.Icantellhewantsherback.”

“Saywhat?”Iblurted.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

Zeketurnedtome,thatconfidentlookinhiseyes.“Whenhecalledherbackover,Isawitinhis

expression.Thenshetouchedhimontheshoulder,andIsawitagaintoo.Heknowshewasadumbass

andshouldn’thavethrownheraway.Theonlyreasonhehasn’ttriedtomakeitworkisbecauseheknows

she’soverhim.”

JessiestaredatZekelikeitwasthefirsttimeshereallylookedathim.Surprisewasinhereyes,

aswellasawe.“Ididn’trealizeyouweresoobservant.”

WhenitcametoRae,hewasalwaysobservant.

“Yeah,”Kaydensaid.“Yougotallofthatfromalook?”

“Areyousomekindofgenius?”Iasked.“Youcanreadmindsnow?”

“No,”Zekereplied.“ButI’veseenRykerwithherenoughtimestoknowwhathe’sthinking.Butit

doesn’tmatterbecauseshe’llnevertakehimbackanyway,notafterwhathedid.”

“Shebetternot,”Jessiesaid.“BecauseI’dslaphimeverytimeIwasinthesameroomashim.”

“Youwouldn’tneedto,”Isaid.“BecauseI’dkillhimthefirsttimehesetfootintheapartment.”

Rykerfuckedmysisteroveronce,andhewouldnevergettheopportunitytodoitagain.

Jessielookedaroundthebowlingalleyandsawhowmanypeoplewerecomingandgoing.Itwas

busy, especially for a Wednesday. “Business seems to be booming. There’s got to be a few hundred

peopleinhere.”

“Things have been great.” I opened my wallet and pulled out a check. “Speaking of which…I

finallyhaveapaymentforyou.”IsetitonthetablenexttoZeke’sbeer.“That’sthefirsthalf.I’llhavethe

secondinanothermonthorso.”

Zekehelditupandtookacloserlookatit.“Wow.Iwasn’texpectingthisforawhile.”

“I’vebeenfrugalsoIcouldpayyouguysbackquicker.”

“Youdidn’tneedtodothat,”Zekesaid.“Idon’tneedthisrightaway.”

“ButIwanttobedonewithit,”Isaid.“ThesoonerIgetitoutoftheway,thesoonerIcanstop

worryingaboutit.AndIwon’tfeelguiltyaboutspendingmoneyonotherthings.Oncemydebtispaid,I

cangobuyanewPS4andasmanygamesasIwant.”

Zekechuckled.“Well,IthinkRaeandIwouldn’thavecaredifyoudid.”

“Whatever,”Isaid.“Halfwayfinished.”

“You’regivingRaeachecktoo?”heasked.

“IwillwhenIgethome.”Sheprobablywouldn’tevencareaboutthemoney.Allshewantsisfor

metomoveoutasquicklyaspossible.Ididn’tlikebeingthereeither,especiallysinceKaydenandIwere

foolingaroundallthetime.IhadtosneakoffandpretendIwasdoingotherthingsbesidesscrewingmy

sister’sbestfriend.IfIhadmyownplace,itwouldbealotsimpler.“I’mhalfwaytomovingthehellout

ofthere.”

Zeke folded the check and placed it in his wallet. “I can assure you, Rae is even more excited

aboutthatdaythanyouare.”

***

Raewasgoingtobehomeatanyminute,andmyjobwastogetherdressedupandreadytogo

out.Everyonewouldbewaitingforhertoshowupatthebar,andtheywouldjumpoutthesecondshe

walkedinside.

Planning surprise birthday parties wasn’t really my thing, but my sister had a tough year and I

wantedtodosomethingtoliftherspirits.ShehidherpainasmuchaspossibleonceRykerdumpedher,

butIknewshestruggledtheentiretime.Shedeservedthis—andnotjustbecauseitwasherbirthday.

Aknocksoundedonthedoor.

Whothehellwasthat?Theyknewweweresupposedtomeetatthebar.Iopenedthedoorand

expectedtoseeamemberofthegang.Instead,Icameface-to-facewithsomerandomguyholdingavase

offlowers.“Uh…whatthehellisthis?”

“DeliveryforRae.”Hehandedthemoverandhadmesigntheclipboard.“Haveagoodday.”He

walkedofftofulfillhisnextdelivery.

Isettheheavyvaseonthetableandlookedatthetwodozenfreshlytrimmedrosesthatreekedof

springtime. I certainly didn’t get her flowers, and I didn’t know anyone who would. I spotted the card

insidetheenvelopebutknewIshouldn’treadit.

Noneofmybusiness.

Didn’tmatter.

Whocares?

ButwhatifitwasRyker?

Whatifhewastryingtofuckwithheragain?

Icouldjustreadthecardandslipitbackinside.Raewouldn’tknowthedifference.

Right?

Hugebreachofprivacy.

Definitelyadickmove.

ButIhadthebestintentions,soitwasokay.

Wasn’tit?

IstaredatthecardforanotherminutebeforeIcavedandopenedthedamnthing.

Ipulledthecardfromthesleeveandreadthewordsthathadbeentyped.

Rae,

Thankyouforcominglastweek.Itmeantalottome.

Haveaspecialbirthday.

-Ryker-

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

Zekewasrightonthemoney.Rykerwastotallytryingtogetbackwithher.Whythehellwouldhe

sendhertwodozenroseslikethisifhisintentionsweren’tromantic?Whatafuckingdouchebag.Afterthe

shitheputherthrough,hehadtheaudacitytocomecrawlingback?

Couldn’tbelievethis.

I couldn’t let her see this card. It would just ruin her birthday and confuse her. The past three

monthsweredifficultenough.Shedidn’tneedtoberemindedofthemansheconfessedherundyinglove

to,onlytohearhimnotsayitback.

IknewIshouldn’tdowhatIwasabouttodo,butIcouldn’tletherseeanyofthis.Itwouldjust

messwithherhead.

I grabbed the vase and the card and went across the hall to the trash chute. I shoved everything

inside and closed the hatch, hearing it shatter when it finally hit the bottom. The second I walked back

inside,IwashedmyhandslikeIjustdisposedofabody.AndnotamomenttoosoonbecauseRaewalked

inimmediatelyafterward.

“Hey.”Shesetherpurseonthecounterandpulledherhairoutofthebunshewore.

“Happybirthday.”Ihadn’tseenherthatmorningbecauseIwentintoworkearly.

“Thanks.” She gave me a smile, something I hadn’t seen much over the past three months. “I’m

gettingold.”

“SinceI’mfouryearsolderthanyou,rememberwhenyougetold,Igetolder.”

“True,”shesaidwithachuckle.“Well,I’mgoingtoshower.”

“Good.BecauseIwanttotakeyououtforadrink.”

“You?”sheaskedsuspiciously.

“Yes,me.Andthere’ssomethingIwanttogiveyou.”

“Firstofall,I’mshockedthatyouevenrememberedmybirthday.Andnowyougotmeapresent

too?”

“Iknow.”Ishruggedinmodesty.“It’scrazy.”

“Givemethirtyminutes,andI’llbereadytogo.”

“Great.Anddressnice.Idon’twantpeopletothinkI’mhangingoutwithahag.”

Sheflippedmeoffbeforeshewalkedaway.

***

IsentaquicktexttoZeke.Abouttowalkin.Getready.

Raenoticedmyfastfingersonthekeyboard.“Anyoneelsecoming?”

Ishovedmyphoneintomypocket.“IjustaskedZekeifhe’sdoinganythingtonight.Hasn’tsaid

anythingyet.”

“Hetextedmehappybirthdayearliertoday.Thatwasniceofhim.”

“I’msurprisedheremembered.”

“No.Zekealwaysremembersmybirthday.”

Wewalkedintothebar,andIsteeredhertowardthebackroom.

“Wherearewegoing?Thebaristhisway.”

Whywasshesuchapainintheass?“Iwanttoshowyousomething.”

“Ialreadyknowwherethebathroomsare.”

Shutthehellup.“Jessietoldmeshe’swaitingintheback.Comeon.”

Shefinallydroppedherresistance.

Wewalkedtotheback,andIopenedthedoorsoRaecouldwalkinsidefirst.

Immediately,everyonejumpedupandscreamed,“Happybirthday!”

Raenearly jumped outof her skin,covering her mouth asshe screamed. “Ohmy god! You guys

scaredtheshitoutofme.”

“That’swhatbirthdaysarefor,girl.”Jessieheldherdrinkuptothesky.

Raelookedoverhershoulderatme.“Youknewaboutthis?”

“Obviously,”Isaidlikeasmartass.

“Knowaboutit?”Zekesaidwithalaugh.“He’stheonewhoplannedthewholething.”

Rae looked at me again, and this time, her expression was different. She didn’t give me that

hatefullittlesisterexpressionIsaweverysingleday.Thislookwasfullofaffectionandfondness.She

didn’tknowwhattosay,andinsteadofsmiling,herfeaturessoftened.“Thatwassweet…”

Ididn’tliketheseemotionalmomentswesometimeshad.Theywererare,andtheywererarefora

reason. I’d never been the kind of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve or express how he felt about

anything.Emotionalintimacyterrifiedme,actually.

“Thankyou,Rex.”Raewalkeduptomeandextendedherarmstohugme.

I returned the embrace, but I did it quickly, trying to get it over with so we could move on and

havefun.“Ofcourse.Idolikeyou…sometimes.”

“Onlyonmybirthday?”Whenshesmiled,sheknewIwasjustteasingher.

“Only.”

“Well,thankyouforlikingmefortoday.”Shewalkedawaytosayhitoeveryoneelse.First,she

greetedZekeandgavehimahug.

Hedidn’thugherquicklyandthenmoveaway.Hewrappedhisarmstightaroundherwaistand

heldheragainsthischest.Heevenclosedhiseyesandwhisperedsomethinginherear.

PerhapsIwasreadingtoomuchintoit,butthathugdidn’texactlyseemplatonic.

Shemovedawayandgreetedeveryoneelse.Herpresentswerestackedonthetablealongsidethe

cake Jessie picked up for her. “Oh my god!” She covered her mouth as she stared at the cake designed

withthelogoofherfavoriteteam.“Thisisthebestcakeever.”

“Itwasmyidea!”Jessieraisedherhand.

“Dude,it’sperfect.”Raehuggedherforasecondtime.

Zekecametomysideandgentlynudgedme.“Thispartywasasuccess.”

“Ithasn’tevenstartedyet.”

“But look how happy she is.” Zeke watched her say hello to her friends, hugging everyone and

enjoyingbeingthecenterofattention.Hisgazelingeredlongerthannecessarybeforehelookedbackat

me.

“IsRochellecoming?”

“Yeah,”hesaidwithnovisiblereaction.“Shehadtoworklate,soshe’llbehereinanhouror

so.”

“Oh,cool.”

Jessieclimbedononeofthetablesandheldupherdrink.“Let’sgetthispartystarted!”

***

Kayden brushed up against me in the corner where it was dark and secluded. She wore a tight

dress that made her tits look totally fuckable. Her hair was done, her makeup was sexy, and she wore

heelsthatmadeherlegsstretchonfordays.

Sheknewexactlywhatshewasdoing.

Ilookeddownatherwithawarninginmyeyes.“Baby,begood.”

“Nooneiswatching.”Herhandmovedtomycrotchinthedark,andshetracedthedefinitionof

mycockinmyjeans.“Andthere’salwaysthebathroom.”

Iclosedmyeyesandimaginedherfingerswrappedtightlyaroundmylength.“Iwish.”

“Comeon.Let’sbeadventurous.”

“Orlet’swaituntiltheendofthenight.”Igrabbedherwristandpulleditaway.“I’llstayover

tonight.”

“Promise?”Shelookedupatmeandpoutedherlips.

NowIwantedthatsoftmoutharoundmyjunk.“Promise.”

Jessie walked right past us, and thankfully, she didn’t notice anything concerning. “Let’s open

gifts!”

Raewasalittlebuzzedandstaggeredinherheels.“Youguysgotmepresents?Youguys…”She

swayedslightlytotheside.

“Ofcourse.”Jessiegrippedherbythewrist,butsinceshewashammered,thatdidn’treallyhelp.

Zeke came to the rescue and guided Rae into a chair. “Here. Take a seat, and I’ll pass the gifts

along.”

Raeheldupherdrinkandclankeditagainsthisarmlikeshewastoastinghim.“Zeke,you’rethe

best.Youknowthat?”

Hechuckledandturnedtothetablewherethegiftswerewaiting.“Yes.You’vesaidthataboutten

timestonight.”

“Butyouare!”Jessiesaid.“Andsohot!”

Zekesmirkedandpulledachairupforher.“Alright.Youneedtositdowntoo.”

Raeraisedherglass.“Sogoddamnhot!Woo!”

ZekeimmediatelyflinchedwhenheheardRaeshoutthatfortheentireworldtohear.Hewatched

herdownherdrink,hiseyesfocusingonherexpressionfornearlyaminute.Hefinallyshookitoffand

grabbedthefirstpresenthesaw.“Hereyougo.”Hehandeditover.

Raedroppeditontheground.“Whoops…”SheleanedintoJessieandgiggledlikeheraccident

wasparticularlyfunny.

Kaydenleanedtowardme,herhandmovingovermyassinmyjeans.Wewereinthecorner,sono

onecouldseeusfrombehind.“EveryoneissodrunknoonewouldevennoticeifIgaveyouahandjob

rightnow.”

Thiswomanwaskillingme.“Saveitforwhenwegethome,alright?”

“WhywouldIwanttosaveanythingwhenIcanhaveyounow?”Sheleaneddangerouslycloseto

me,almostplacingakissonmylips.

Ismackedherassplayfully.“Behaveyourself.”

Shegiggledintomyear.“HowamIsupposedtobehavemyselfwithyourbighandonmyass?”

Icouldn’tbelievethiswasthesameKaydenwhoalwayshadhernoseinabook.Sheusedtobe

shyandtimid.Now,shewasabehemothofsexualdesperation.“I’mgonnahavetospankyouwhenwe

getbacktoyourplace.”

“Excellent.”

Raeopenedallofhergifts,gettinganassortmentofgiftcards,clothes,andjewelry.Shehanded

theextrabagsandboxestoJessie,whodidahorriblejoborganizingeverythingbecauseshedidn’tknow

herfacefromherass.

“Alright.”Zekehandedherabox.“Thisoneisfromme.”

“Ooh…”Raetookitandheldittoherchest.“IsitOperation?”

“No,”Zekesaidwithalaugh.“AndI’mnotasurgeon.”

“You’rekindalikeasurgeonwhenyoupoppimples,”Raeteased.

Zekemightnormallybeannoyedwithacommentlikethat,butsinceRaesaidit,itwasperfectly

okay.Hisonlyresponsewasasmile.“Openit,andyou’llseeifyou’reright.”

RaerippedoffthewrappingandtosseditatJessie.Shekeptgoinguntilshegottothecardboard

boxunderneath.Shehadtopulltheflapshardbecauseofthetape,andshecouldn’tgetthrough.“Someone

haveapocketknife?”

Zekesnatchedtheboxawayfromherandopenedallthesidessoshewouldn’tstabherselfinthe

eyelikeanidiot.Hehandeditback.“Youshouldbegoodnow.”

Sheopenedthelidoftheboxandlookeddowninside.“Sweet!Anewbasketball!”Shepulledit

outandfeltitinherfingertips.“Minewasgettingsowornoutanddirty.Thisisperfect.”Shestoodup

andstartedtodribble.

“No!”Zekegrabbedtheballafterithitthegroundonce.“It’snottoplaywith.”

“Thenwhat’sitfor?”Raeaskedblankly.

Zeke turned the ball over and showed her something on the surface. Scribbled in black ink was

somekindofwriting,probablyanautograph.

Raesquintedhereyestomakeitout,butittookheramomenttopieceittogether.Thenhereyes

snappedopen,andshegrippedherchestlikeshemighthaveaheartattack.“Ohmyfuckinggod!Michael

fuckingJordan?”

Myjawdropped.

ShetooktheballawayfromZekeandstaredatthewritingwithshakyhands.“Ohmygod…ohmy

god…Ican’tbreathe.”

ZekestaredatherwiththebiggestgrinI’deverseen.

“Howthehelldidyougetthis?”shescreamed.

Jessieleanedover.“Letmesee.Letmesee.”

“That’ssosick.”Tobiaspeeredoverhershoulder.“That’sreallyhissignature.Irecognizeit.”He

read the message out loud. “To Rae, my biggest fan. Michael Jordan.” Tobias gripped his skull and

steppedback.“Greatestbirthdaygiftever.”HebowedtoZeke.“Youaretheking,man.”

RaepulledtheballtoherchestandlookedatZekewithtearsinhereyes.“Howonearthdidyou

getthis?”

“It’salongstory.Butbasically,Iwenttoagamewithafewfriendsfromwork,andhewasthere.

SoIaskedhimtosignit.”Zekehadn’tdroppedhisgrinoncesinceRaeopenedhergift.

“Didyougetonetoo?”sheasked.

“Well…no.”Heshrugged.“ButIknowyou’reamuchbiggerfanthanIam.”

“I don’t know what to say…” She handed the ball off to Jessie before she wrapped her arms

aroundhisneckandhuggedhim.“It’sthebestgiftI’veevergotten,Zeke.Thankyousomuch.”Sherested

herchinonhisshoulderasshestoodwithherchestpressedagainsthis.

Zeke held her by the waist, his face resting near hers. “You deserve it, Rae. You’re my best

friend.”

They held each other for nearly a minute, Rae closing her eyes as she clung to his neck. Zeke

staredatthefloorashekepthisarmsaroundherwaist.Neitheroneofthemsaidanythingastheembrace

continued.

“ThatwassothoughtfulofZeke,”Kaydenwhispered.

“Yeah…really thoughtful.” I knew I shouldn’t be surprised, but I was. Zeke was happy with

RochellebutsomeofhisfeelingsforRaewouldnevergoaway.Hewouldlookatherdifferentlythanthe

restofus.

Forever.

***

Raewashammeredbytheendofthenight,andIknewitwouldbemyresponsibilitytotakeher

home.Because…youknow…Ilivedwithher.

“I’lltakeher,”Zekesaid.“I’vegotmytruck,andIcanputherstuffintheback.”

“Yousure?”IwaslookingforanexcusetotakeoffwithKayden.

“Yeah.”

“WhataboutRochelle?”

“Rochellewon’tmind.”

RochellewastalkingwithJessieandKaydenacrosstheroom,fittinginwiththegirlslikeshe’d

beenaroundsincethebeginning.Shesaidsomethingfunny,andtheothertwogirlsbusteduplaughing.She

wasn’tpayinganyattentiontous.

“AMichaelJordanbasketball?”IturnedmyeyesofaccusationonZeke.“Seriously?”

“What?Iknewshewouldlikethat.”

“Youhavetoadmitthatgiftisridiculous.AndIcanonlyassumewhatthatmeans…”

Zekekeptuphisindifference.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”

“Ithoughtyouwereoverher?WhataboutRochelle?”

“Iamoverher,”hesnapped.“AndI’mhappywithRochelle.She’samazing.”

“Thenwhatthefuck,Zeke?Whydidn’tyoujustgetherabannerthatsaid‘Iloveyou’onit?”

Heeyedthegirlsandmadesuretheyweren’tlisteningbeforeheturnedbacktome.“Igotthatball

eightmonthsago.Obviously,whenIgotit,Iwasstillinthatplace.Itwouldbestupidformenottogiveit

tohernowjustoutofprinciple.Shit,ithashernameonit.”

Whenhegavemethatexplanation,IrealizedIwasoverreacting.“Sorryforjumpingdownyour

throat.”

“It’s okay. I probably would have gotten her a gift card to Mega Shake or something if I didn’t

alreadyhavethat.”

“Yeah,you’reright.”

Heclappedmeontheshoulder.“Areyoucomingwithus?”

ItriednottolookatKayden.“Nah.I’mgonnastayoutforawhile.”

“Alright.I’llseeyoulater.”HewenttoRae’ssideandpulledhertoherfeet.“Canyouwalk?”

“Bitch,Icanrun.”Shesnappedherfingersthenswayedonthestoop.

“That’s a no…” Zeke scooped her into his arms, and the second he did, her head fell on his

shoulderandshewasasleep.“Damn,she’sreallywasted.”

Rochellegrabbedaboxofherthings.“Atleastshehadagoodtime.”

Kaydengrabbedalargebagcontainingtherestofherpresents.“Butshewon’thaveagoodtime

tomorrow…”

RaemumbledagainstZeke’schest.“Basketball…”

“Yes,Rae,”Zekesaid.“Wegotthebasketball.”

“Idon’twanttoloseit,”shewhispered.“It’smyfavorite.”

“Ihaveit,”Rochellesaid.“Don’tworry.”

“Ohgood,”Raewhisperedincoherently.“Rochellewilltakecareofit…”

Zekelaughedthencarriedhertowardthedoor.“We’llgetyouhome,andyoucansnugglewiththat

ball,alright?”

“Okay.”Shehookedherarmsaroundhisneck.“I’llsleepwiththatballeverynight…”

ChapterThree

Rae

“IthinkI’mgonnadie…”Icouldn’tgetoutofbed.Myheadwaspoundinglikeawinterstorm,

andmyinsideswereturnedinsideoutfromthelevelofalcoholtheyhadtoprocessandeliminate.

Ihadn’tfeltthisterribleinalongtime.

“Youaren’tgonnadie.”Rexwasdressedandreadytoleave.Heworejeansandasweaterwith

hisfacecleanlyshavenandhishairstyled.“You’regonnabefine.Justtakesomeaspirinanddrinksome

water.”

“Where’stheaspirin?”

“Ialreadythrewyouabirthdayparty.I’vegottodothattoo?”Rexmarchedintothekitchenand

grabbedthebottlebeforehereturned.“Alright,I’mheadingout.Don’tcallme.”

All I could do was lie there with my big dog beside me, feeling and looking like shit. “Have

fun…”

“Iwill.”

“Areyougonnabringmebacksomefood?”

“You know where the fridge is.” He walked out of my room and down the hallway. I heard the

frontdooropenandthenvoicesinaconversation.

“Howisshe?”Zeke’sdeepvoicetraveleddownthehallandintomyopenbedroom.

“Sofuckingmessedup,”Rexsaid.“Shelookslikehell.”

“Doessheneedanything?”

“She’sfine,”Rexsaid.“I’monmywayout.”

“Whereareyouheaded?”

Rexfalteredbeforeheanswered.“I’vegotsomeerrands,andthenI’msupposedtomeetupwith

anoldfriendatthebar.”

“Youaren’tgoingtostaywithRae?”

“Hell no. I already threw her a surprise party. I’ve got to wipe her ass too?” Rex must have

walkedawaybecausehedidn’tsayanythingelse.

Thedoorshut,andIassumedIwasalone.

Zeke’sheavyfootstepssoundedinthehallway,andIknewhewascomingmyway.Herounded

the corner and looked at me through the open doorway. “Hey.” After a single look, he knew I was in

terribleshape.“Youlook…tired.”

“Ilooklikehell.Rexwasright.”

“No,youdon’t.”

“Oh,shutup.”Irubbedmytemple.“Yes,Ido.Let’snotsugarcoatit.”

He watched me with his unreadable eyes, refusing to say I looked terrible because he was too

nice.“Needanything?”

“No. Go enjoy the beautiful day.” I grabbed the aspirin but couldn’t get the top off. It had that

stupidpressuremechanismsokidscouldn’tgetintoit.SinceIfeltlikeshit,Ididn’thaveanypatiencefor

it.

“Let me.” Zeke walked into the room and took the bottle of pills. He opened it without any

problemsthendumpedoutafewontothenightstand.“Howmany?”

“Ten.”

Thecornerofhismouthroseinasmile,andheplacedtwoinsidemypalm.Thenhehandedmea

bottleofwater.“Twoshouldbeplenty.”

“Alright,Dr.Zeke.”Isatupandswallowedthemwithagulpofwater.

Zekeimmediatelypressedthebackofhishandagainstmyforeheadtofeelmytemperature.

“Dr.Zekeischeckingonme…”

Hegrabbedmywristnextandpinchedasectionofskin.

“Ouch.What’sthatfor?”

“You’redehydrated.That’swhyyoufeelterribleandhaveamigraine.”

I drank at least twenty cocktails last night. I was pumped with liquids. “Not possible. With the

amountIdranklastnight,I’mplentyhydrated.”

“Youknowbetterthanthat,Rae.Alcoholmakesyourbodyreleasemorewaterinyoururine.In

turn,itmakesyoulosemorewaterthanyoukeep.”

Actually,Ididrememberthatfromphysio.

“Soyouneedtodrinklotsandlotsoffluids.”

“Okay,Dr.Zeke…”

“JustZeke.”HepulledtheblanketsfartherupmybodythenpattedSafarionthehead.“Youneed

anything?”

“I’mokay.Godosomethingproductivewithyourday.”

“Idon’tmindstayingifyouneedme.Rexclearlyhasplans.”

“No…I’llbefine.I’llorderapizzaorsomething.”Itriedtositup,butIfeltdizzysoIcollapsed

backonthebed.“NexttimeIdrinkthatmuch…juststopme.”

“Youwantmetobethedrinkpolice?”

“Please.”

“Yougotit.”Hetappedmythigh.“I’mgonnaputyouonthecouchthengetyousomethingtoeat.”

“Youreallydon’thavetodothat…”

Zekepickedmeupwithoutfurtherargumentandcarriedmeintothelivingroom.Hesatmeonthe

couch, along with the comforter I’d been holding. He propped up a few pillows and made sure I was

comfortable.“I’mgoingtoMegaShake.I’llbebackinabouttwentyminutes.”

“Youdon’tneedtodothat.”

“Istheresomethingelseyoucouldpossiblywant?”Zekeknewmebetterthanalmostanyone,and

anytimeIhadthechoiceofwhereIwantedtoeat,itwasalwaysMegaShake—everysingletime.

Ilookedawayinresponse.

“That’swhatIthought.”

***

Zekereturnedwiththeburgersandfriesandspottedmeonthecouchwithmybasketball.“Ifyou

wantedsomethingtosnugglewith,Icouldhavegottenyouastuffedanimal.”

I squeezed the ball to my chest. “I would much rather snuggle with this rock-hard ball with

MichaelJordan’ssignaturethananygirlystuffedanimal.Thisisarelic.”Iturnedtheballandstaredatthe

signature,unabletobelievemybiggesticonhadeventouchedthisballwithhisbarehands.

Zekesetthefoodonthecoffeetablethensatbesideme.“Whatareyougoingtodowithit?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Putitinacase?Sleepwithiteverynight?”

“Idon’tknow.Ilovetouchingit,soI’mnotsureIcouldputitinsideacase.”

“Butyoudefinitelyaren’tgoingtoplaywithit,right?”

“God,no.”Thistreasurewouldn’ttouchthedirtypavement.“Istillcan’tbelieveyougotthisfor

me.It’s…themostbadassgiftever.Whendidthishappen?”

“RememberwhenIwasinChicagoforthatconvention?”

IjoggedmymemoryandrealizedIdidrecallwhathesaidaboutthatgame.“Irememberyousaid

yousawMichaelJordaninthestands.”

“Yep.Andhewassittingtwoseatsawayfromme.”

“Thatwaslikeayearago.I’msurprisedyoukeptthisballfrommeforsolong.”

Hebitintohisburgerandwipedthesauceawaywiththepadofhisthumb,somehowmakingthe

activityofeatingattractive.“Iknewitwouldbeagreatbirthdaygift,soIdecidedtowait.”

“And it was the best birthday gift. First, Rex throws me a party, and then you get me this…” I

shookmyhead.“Man,I’msolucky.”

“I’mgladyoufeelthatway.”HeputmyfoodonaplatebeforeheturnedontheTV.Agamewas

on,soheleftthestationonwhileheatehisfood.

“WasRochellejealous?”

Hestoppedeatingandforcedhimselftoswalloweventhoughheclearlywasn’treadyto.“Jealous

ofwhat?”

“JealousthatyoumetMichaelJordan.She’sasportsfan,right?”

“Oh.” He downed his soda to clear his throat. “She prefers football. Her family are all big

Seahawksfans,soshewaskindabornintoit.”

“Okay,good.BecauseI’mreallygladyougavetheballtomeandnother.”

“Well,thatwouldbeweirdsinceyournameisonit.”

“Ohyeah…”Ifinallyputitofftothesideanddugintomymeal.Imadesuretheballwastucked

awaysoIwouldn’taccidentallyswipeitwithmygreasyfingertips.Safarieyedtheballbutknewbetter

thantowipehislongtongueacrossit.“Doyouhaveanyplanstonight?”

“RochellewantstotrythisnewThaiplacethatopened.”

“ChopStick?”

“Yeah.”

“IwenttherewithJennytheotherday.It’sbomb.”

“Yousayeverythingisbomb,”heteased.

“Look,Ilikefood.AndIliketodescribethethingsIlikeappropriately.”

“Howwouldyoudescribeitifyoulovedfood?”

“Fuckingbomb.”

Hedrankmoreofhissoda.“ThenIguessit’snotthatgood.”

Istuckmyhandintohistrayoffriesandstoleahandful.“Youknowwhat?That’swhatyouget.”

“You’restealingmyfood?Whodoyouthinkbroughtithere?”

“Seriouscrimesneedseriouspunishments.”

SinceIwasconcentratingonmyfries,hesnatchedmyburgerandtookanenormousbiteoutofit.

“Howdareyou!”

Hespokewithhismouthfull.“Don’tdothecrimeifyoucan’tdothetime.”

“Giveitbacktome.”

Hegavemeanarrogantlookbeforehetookanotherenormousbite.

“Youlittlebitch.”Idoveoffthecouchandcollidedwithhischest.Hefellbacktothefloor,and

theburgerwentflying.Safariimmediatelychasedafteritinthehopehewouldgetitfirst.“Oh,Idon’t

thinkso.”Ireachedrighttograbit,butZekepulledmeaway.

“Nope,”hesaid.“That’swhatyouget.”

Safariatetheburgerinasinglebitethenlickedhislips.

Mylunchwasgone,andnowallIhadwerefries.“No!”

“Toobad,sosad.”Zekesatupandmovedmeeffortlessly.Themusclesofhiscorecontracted,and

hefeltlikeawallofsteel.Hesetmeonthegroundbesidehim.

Iwasstillinshock.“WhatamIsupposedtoeat?”

“Youshouldhavethoughtaboutthatbeforeyoumessedwithme.”

Mystomachgrowled,soIpoutedmylipsinhisdirection.

Zekesighedbeforehegrabbedhisburgerandtoreitinhalf.Hehandedmeonepiecethentooka

biteoftheother.

Igrabbeditwithbothhandssonoonecouldstealitfrommethistime.“Thanks.”

“You’reluckyI’msonice.”Heleanedagainstthecouchasheate,digginghishandsintothefries

inbetweenbites.

“I know.” After he gave me that basketball, I shouldn’t have tackled him at all, no matter how

muchheteasedme.“ButIthinkyou’refuckingbomb.”

Hestoppedhimselffromtakinganotherbiteandsmiled.“Isthatyourwayoftellingmeyoulove

me?”

Istaredintohiseyesandsawoneofthemostimportantpeopleintheworld.Rexwasmyfamily

byblood,butZekewasjustasgoodeventhoughwedidn’tshareastrandofDNA.Hewassomeonewho

hadalwaysbeeninmylife,andhewouldalwaysbethere.Hewasspecial,morethanwordscouldsay.

“Yes.”

***

“Whataretheteams?”Zekedribbledbesidemeaswewalkeddownthesidewalktothecourts.

“Tobiasandmeagainstyoutwo.”RexandTobiaswalkedinfrontofus,talkingabouttheirnight

outatthebars.

“Youneverwanttobeonmyteam,”Iargued.“Eventhoughyoualwaysgetyourasskicked.”

“I’drathergetmyasskickedthanbeyourally.”Rexdidn’tturnaroundashespoke,nearlygiving

methecoldshoulder.

“Butit’snotevencompetitive.”Iworemyleggingsandagraysweater.Oncewestartedplaying,I

wouldgethotandhavetoremoveit,butfornow,itwastoocoldoutside.“ZekeandIaretoogood.”

“Fine,”Rexsaid.“I’llbeonZeke’steam.YouandTobiaspairup.”

IwantedRextobeonmyteamforonce.Whenhecoveredme,hewasparticularlyvicious.He

had no problem throwing elbows around and pushing me off to the side like a rag doll. The other guys

wouldn’teventouchme.Ironically,ifZekeorTobiasevenbumpedmebyaccident,Rexwouldturnintoa

nightmare.“Whatever.”

Wegottothecourtandstartedthegame.Tobiaswasagoodplayer,butwedidn’thavethesame

chemistryZekeandIdid.Somehow,wecouldcommunicatewithoutactuallysayinganything.Zekeknew

exactlywhentogetopenandwhentofakehispasses.AndIalwaysfiguredoutwhathewasdoing.

Tobias and I were in the lead, but not by much. Switching up the teams definitely made things

morecompetitive,butthatwasbecauseZekeandRexwerepracticallyoneperson.IthoughtZekeandI

clicked,buttheywereconnectedonawholenewlevel.

Athalftime,Iwasdrenchedinsweatandmybodyached.Irippedoffmysweaterandtossediton

thegroundoutsideofthecourt,notevencaringIwasgettingmyniceNikesweaterdirty.Myhairlinewas

wetfromperspiring,andIcouldhardlycatchmybreath.

“We’re still in the lead.” Tobias rested his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. We stood

underourhoop andtriedto takeashort breakbeforewe wereback atit.“If wekeepit up,we’llstill

win.”

“Yeah…butit’sonlyhalftime.”Iwipedmyforearmacrossmyforeheadtoremovethesweat.But

ofcourse,myheadproducedmoreasecondlater.

“We’llbefine.Wemakeagoodteam.”

“Yeah.”Ilookedacrossthecourtandsawouropponentstalking.Rexgrabbedhiswaterbottleand

tookalongdrink.Zekepulledoffhislong-sleeveshirtandstoodshirtlessunderneaththehoop.Hisfair

skin was flawless with muscles etched everywhere. His shoulders were rounded and outlined with

strength.Icouldseeeverylittlemuscleconnectdownhisarm,formingaperfectphysiquethatcouldbe

usedinananatomylab.Hehadnofat,soeverydetailwasnoticeable.

Hischestwaswideandpowerful,histwopecswereslabsofmusclethatcouldmoveamountain.

His stomach was the best. An eight-pack that had little rivers running everywhere. His slender waist

narrowedintohishipswhereasmallpatchofhishappytrailcouldbeseen.

Day-yum.

I’dseenhimshirtlessbefore,butitwassolongago,Icouldn’tremember.AndIalreadyknewhe

had a nice body. Even in t-shirts, his arms and shoulders looked great. But now that I was face-to-face

withhispurephysicalbeauty,Icouldn’tstopstaring.

Shit,hewashot.

Hadhealwaysbeenthatsexy?

Iseriouslyneededtostopstaring.Zekewasmyfriend,anditwasweird.

Juststopstaring.

God,Icouldn’tstop.

Ihadtherandomurgetocatcallhim,somethingI’dneverwantedtodoinmylife.

“Youallright?”Tobias’voicepenetratedthroughmyhaze.

“Allright?”Iasked.“Shit,I’mgreat.I’msuperb.I’mtotallycool.Whywouldn’tIbe?”Isounded

defensive,eventomyears.

“Well…I’vebeentryingtogetyourattentionfornearlyaminute.”

“Sorry,Iwasthinkingaboutaplaywecoulddo.”

“Cool.Whatplay?”

“Uh…nevermind.Idon’tthinkit’llwork.Rexalreadyknowsit.”

“Damn.”

Wemetinthecenterofthecourtandbeganthesecondhalfofthegame.NowthatIwasfivefeet

awayfromZeke,Ihadchills.Myspinecouldn’trelax,andtherewasanumbnessinsidemyfingers.

Don’tstare.

Don’t.

Goddammit,Ilooked!

Getaholdofyourself,Rae.

ItwasjustbecauseIhadn’tgottenlaidinthreemonths.Thatwasall.Myhormoneswereoutof

whack,andmybodywaseagerforthisdryspelltoend.Thatwasit.Nothingmore.

Once we started the second half, I focused on the game and not Zeke’s ridiculously perfect

physique.IpaidattentiontoTobiasandgettingthatballthroughthehoopandscoringasmanypointsas

possible.

UntilZekecoveredme.

Withhismassivechest,heblockedmyviewofthehoop.Hishandwasinmyway,soIcouldn’t

tosstheballtoTobiasasheranby.

Shit,thiswasdistracting.

SweatformedonZeke’schestandtrickleddownthedeliciousmusclesofhisbody.Iwantedto

touchhimjusttoseehowhardhewas.AndIwantedtotouchhimsomewhereelsetoseehowhardhe

couldget.

Ohwow.

Thiswasbad.

Reallybad.

Zekeslappedtheballoutofmyhandandsprintedtotheothersideofthecourt,gettingaturnover

andscoringapointagainstme.

Noonehadeverstolentheballfrommebefore.

Iwasn’tthinking.

Rexjoggedby.“Losingyourtouch,loser?”

Ididn’tknowwhatwashappening,butlosingmytouchwastheleastofmyproblems.

***

His face was between my legs, and his mouth did exquisite things to my throbbing pussy. His

tongue gently moved inside me, making sweet love to me with just his mouth. Then he pulled out and

circledmyclit,pushingmetotheedgeofanorgasm.

God,itfeltgood.

My fingers dug into his hair and nearly pierced his scalp. I moaned as I moved my hips and

pressedmypussyfartherintohisface.

Hemovedhislargehandstomythighsandseparatedthemwide,exposingmoreofmetoenjoy.“I

coulddothisallday.”

“Thenpleasedo.”Igrippedhisarmsanddugmynailsintohisskin.

Hesuckedmehardintohismouthbeforehecrawledupmybody.“ButIwanttofuckyoueven

more.”Hepressedmythighsbackandshovedhimselfdeepinsidemewithonesimplethrust.

“Ohgod…”Igrippedhisbicepsandfelthimthrustintomewithhisenormouspackage.“Zeke.”

“Ilovethispussy.AndIloveyou.”

“Yes…Iloveyoutoo.”

Hepoundedintomehard,fuckingmelikeananimalbutsomehowmakingitfeelromantic.

AndthenIcame.“Zeke…Zeke.”

Hekissedmeonthemouthuntilmyhighdiedaway.

Thesensationbroughtmeintoconsciousnessjustastheorgasmfadedaway.Iopenedmyeyesand

realizedIwasinmybedroom,butZekewasn’tthere.Theareabetweenmylegswaswet,butnotfromhis

saliva.

Thedetailsofthedreamdidn’tleavemymind,evenwhenIwokeup.Itseemedlikeithadjust

happened—hishandswereallovermeandhiscockwaspresseddeepinsideme.Thehazeovermyeyes

mademewanttoreturntothatdream,tofeelthatintimacy.

ButIcouldn’tbelieveIhadasexdreamaboutZeke.

Thatwasnew.

ChapterFour

Rex

My alarm went off, and I hit the snooze button three times before I finally got up. “I hate

working…”

Kaydenthrewthecoversoffandgotoutofbed.Sheworeoneofmyt-shirts,lookingsexyashell

inthebaggyclothes.“It’snotthatbad.Justgettingupisthehardpart.”

“Ican’twaituntilImakeenoughmoneytohireamanager.ThenIcanjustpopinonceinawhile.”

“Ithinkyou’dgetbored.”Shecametomysideofthebedthenstraddledmyhips.

I leaned against the headboard and felt her sit on me. When I felt her bare skin, I realized she

wasn’twearinganypanties.Shedidthesluttiestthingssometimes,anddamn,theyweresexy.

Ipulleddownmyboxerssomycockpoppedup,andIwasreadytogo.Islidinsideofher,not

surprisedshewasalreadywet.Igentlysankintoherandclosedmyeyesforamoment,enjoyingher.

Sheslowlyrodeme,hereyeslockedtomine.“Whatwouldyoudoalldayifyoudidn’twork?”

“Fuckyou.”

Shecontinuedtogrindagainstme.“Well,Ihavetowork,soIwon’tbehere.”

“Quityourjob.I’llpayyoutodothisallday.”

“Whilethatsoundstempting,I’mnotsureifthat’sarespectablecareer.”

“Oh,itis.”Igrabbedherhipsandpulledherfartherdownmylength.Ilovedeveryinchofher

pussy.I’dneverfuckedthesamewomanforsolong,andI’dbeendoingthisforfourmonthsnow.Butit

nevergotold.

Sheincreasedherpaceslightly,takingmylengthmoreandmore.Soon,shestartedtopant,making

thosesexylittlenoisesI’dcometolove.

Iwasrightattheedgeandreadytodumpeverythinginsideher.ButIheldonandwaitedforherto

finish.Havingabeautifulwomanridemycockfirstthinginthemorninglikesheneededittogetoutof

bedwassexyashell.

Withinseconds,shereachedherclimax,moaningwithsatisfaction.Shethrewherheadbackand

rode my cock all the way down from her high, her nails digging into my bare shoulders. Her breathing

becamedeepandshallowasthesensationpassed.

After she was finished, I could come without feeling like a jackass. I pressed my length

completelyinsideherbeforeIreleased,wantingtoensureherbeautifulpussygoteverydropIpossessed.

Theclimaxwasamazing,theperfectwaytostartmyday.“NowIwanttogotoworkevenless.”

“Justremember,whenyougetoffwork,I’llbewaiting.Actually,we’llbothbewaiting…”

***

ZekeandImetatourfavoritewingplacefordinner.Weorderedtheatomicwingswithfriesand

twoenormousbeers.Thegamewasoninthecorner,butIhadahardtimeconcentratingbecauseIwas

thinkingaboutthatlittlevixen.

“CanIaskyousomething?”

Zekefinishedhiswingthenwipedhisfingersonanapkin.“What’sup?”

“So…I’vebeensleepingwiththisgirlforawhile.”

“What’sawhile?”heasked.

“Afewmonths…”

Zeke’seyespoppedopenliketheymightrolloutofhishead.“Afewmonths?You?”

“Iknow…prettyweird,huh?”

“Superweird,”hesaid.“That’sarecordforyou.”

“Yep.”Abigone.

“ThelongestrelationshipIrememberyouhavingwasthreeweekswithVanessa.”

“Oh yeah…I forgot about her.” I had been walking down the street when she stepped out of a

tattooparlor.She’djustgottenhertonguepierced,sowedecidedtogiveitatry.Andspoileralert,getting

headwithapiercingwasawesome.

“Threemonths…That’sarelationship.”

“Whoa,backup.”Iplacedmyhandinfrontofhisface.“Iknowit’snotarelationship.Shesaid

shewantedafling,andIwantedafling.”

“Flingsdon’tlastmonths.”

“Butthesexissogood,man.”Justthinkingaboutitgotmehard.“She’sperfect.”

“Haveyousleptwithanyoneelseinthistimeframe?”

“WhywouldI?”Iblurted.“WhenIcanjusttextherandaskforawesomesex?”

Hegavemeaknowinglook,likehewasawareofsomethingIwasn’t.“Rex,thisactuallysounds

kindaserious.Whoisthisgirl?”

Idefinitelycouldn’ttellhimthat.“Justsomewoman.”

“Doesthiswomanhaveaname?”

Itriedtothinkofsomethingonthespot.“Bonnie.”I’dneverevenmetaBonnieandneitherhadhe.

“You’ve been sleeping with Bonnie for a few months,” he said. “You must feel something more

thanjustlust.”

“Idon’t.”Wefuckedandhadagreattime.Thatwasit.

“Well,Icanpromiseyoushedefinitelyfeelssomething.”

“Trustme,man.Shedoesn’t.”IknewKaydeninawayheneverwould.

“Iknowwomen.Andwomenwon’tbeaflingforthatlong.They’llmoveontofindsomeonewho

willcommit.”

“Notthischick.”

“Even if she doesn’t feel something now, which she does, it’s only a matter of time before that

happens.Ifyoureallydon’tfeelanythingforthisgirlandneverwill,youneedtocutherloose.Because

you’regoingtoripherheartout.”

Thosewordshitmehard.TheideaofhurtingKaydenmademesicktomystomach.Iwantedto

keepupourarrangement,butI’dratherdiethanbreakherheart.Shewasn’tjustmyfriend.Shewaslike

family.Ifsomeotherguyhurther,I’dbreakdownhisdoorandmurderhimincoldblood.

Zekewatchedmeashedrankhisbeer.“YouunderstandwhatI’msaying?”

InoddedbecauseIknewhewasright.

“Iwoulddoitsoon.Getoutbeforeitgetsmessy,youknow?”

“Yeah…”Ireleasedasighofdespair.

Zekecaughtontoit.“Butifyoureallylikeher,justdotherelationshipthing.”

“That’snotforme,man.Youknowit.”

“That’snottrue.Ifyoumeetsomeoneyoureallylike,youcandoanything.”

“ButI’veneverbeenthemonogamoustype.Idon’tseemyselfgettingmarried.Ican’tevenfigure

outwhatI’mdoingnextweek.”

“You don’t need to know what you’re doing next week, or even forever. You just need to know

whoyouwantbyyoursidewhenyoudofigureitout.”

ItwasthewisestthingI’veeverheardhimsay,andIwasspeechless.

“Speakingofforever…”Hepushedhisbeerasideanddugintohispocket.“RochelleandIhave

beenhappyforalongtimenow…”

Asin,sixmonths.Butwhatever.

“AndIthinkshe’llbeagreatpartnertosharemylifewith.She’llbeagreatmom,agreatwife…”

Hepulledoutasmallboxandplaceditonthetable.“SoI’mgoingtoaskhertomarryme.”

Holyfuckingshit.

Thiswasreal.

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

Zekewaitedformetoreact,towearabigsmileandcongratulatehim.

ButIdidn’tknowhowtodothat.Iwasinshock.Thisrelationshiphadmovedwaytoofastfrom

thebeginning,anditstilldidn’tfeelright.

“Rex?”Hissmilefadedwhenhesawmyspeechlesslook.

“Ijust…IguessI’msurprised.”

“Why?”

“Itseemsalittlesoon,don’tyouthink?”IknewIwasanassforsayingthat,butIhadtobethe

voiceofreason.Fuckingaroundandplayinghousewasfine,butmarriagewassomeseriousshit.

“Soon?”Zekesaidthewordlikehewasn’tevensurewhatitmeant.

“Zeke,you’veonlybeenwithRochelleforsixmonths…”

“Yeah,butitfeelsright.”

It felt right because he wanted to hurry up and settle down so he wouldn’t be hurt over Rae

anymore.ButcouldIreallysaysomethingthatharshtohim?“Zeke,IreallylikeRochelle.She’savery

nicegirl—”

“Butwhat?”

“Ithink…sometimes…youmightbe…”

“Justspititout,Rex.”

Ihatedmyselfforsayingthis.ButIwouldhatemyselfmoreifIdidn’t.“She’sarebound,man.”

“A rebound?” He stared me down coldly, like the insinuation was unforgivable. “From who? I

wasn’tdatinganyonebeforeRochelle.”

“Don’tmakemesayit,man…”

Zekekepthisgazelockedontomine.

“YouweregoingtogoforRae,butthenRykergotintheway.Rightafterthat,youfoundRochelle.

Ithinkyouweremoredevastatedthanyouleton,andnowyouwanttohurryupandgetmarriedbecause

youdon’tknowwhatelsetodo.”

Hecrossedhisarmsoverhischestandclenchedhisjaw.

“Ihatesayingthat.Ireallydo.Butthat’swhatIthink.”

“IloveRochelle,Rex.Incaseyouhaven’tnoticed,shemakesmehappy.”

“AndI’mgladshedoes.Thishasnothingtodowithherpersonally.”

“IsitreallysounlikelythatIhappenedtofindthewomanI’msupposedtobewith?”

“Because you convinced yourself of that?” People did crazy things to protect themselves from

pain.

“I’moverRae,Rex.I’vebeenoverherforalongtime.She’ssinglenow,andyoudon’tseeme

goingforher.BecauseIloveRochelle.”

“No. It’s because you know she doesn’t feel the same way.” I hated doing this, but could I call

myself his best friend if I wasn’t straight with him? If I didn’t talk to him before he made the biggest

mistakeofhislife?

Heclenchedhisjawtighter.

“Thisrelationshipisgoingwaytoofast.Ifyou’dbeendatingherforatleastayear,itwouldbe

different.Butyouguyspoweredthroughthisrelationshiptowardtheendandskippedthebeginningand

themiddle.Don’tactlikethat’snottrue.”

“Everyrelationshipisdifferent,Rex.”

“Whydoyouneedtomarryherrightnow?”Icountered.“Whydon’tyouwaitafewmoremonths?

Preferablyayear?”

“Whywait?I’mreadytogetmarriedandstartafamily.”

“Butyouneedtowaitfortherightperson.Areyousureit’sRochelle?”

“She’sperfect,”hecountered.“Tellmeonebadthingabouther.”

LikeIwouldbestupidenoughtodothat.“Dude,there’snothingwrongwithRochelle.Ineversaid

therewas.ButIstillthinkyou’redoingthisforthewrongreasons.”

Hetooktheringback.“Whatever.”Heshovedtheboxintohispocketthenleftthetable.

IlethimgobecauseIknewwebothneededsomedistance.WhatIsaidwashurtful,andIcouldn’t

blame him for being upset with me. After he took some time to think about it, he would see that I was

right.

***

Aweekwentby,andIdidn’thearfromhim.

IwassupposedtocallitoffwithKayden,butIwastoodepressedtoendthingswithherwhileI

wasstressedaboutmybestfriend.SoIkepthavingsexwithheraroundtheclock,andfortunately,itmade

mefeelalittlebetter.

Bytheendofthesecondweek,Icouldn’ttakethesilenceanymore.

Iwantedustobefriendsagain.Ievenwantedtoapologizeforhurtinghim.

Iwenttohishouseandknockedonthedoor.

Heanswereditwithagrimlook,notseeminghappytoseemeatall.Butifhereallydidn’twant

totalktome,hewouldn’thaveansweredthedoor.Wordlessly,hewalkedaway.

ThatwastheonlyinvitationIwasgoingtoget.

Ifollowedhimintothehouseandtothecouchinthelivingroom.Thegamewason,buttheTV

wasonmute.

Hesatononecouch.

Isatontheother.

Hedidn’tlookatme,whichtoldmehewantedmetospeakfirst.

“Iwanttoapologizeforlastweek.IhopeyouunderstandIwouldneverhurtyouonpurpose.As

yourbestfriend,it’smyjobtotellyouthingsyoudon’twanttohear.Imeantwell—really.”

He rubbed his palms together and stared at the floor, his jaw clenched like before. “Yeah…I

know.”

Atleasthewasreasonableaboutit.

“IfyouwanttomarryRochelle,youknowyouhavemyfullsupport.I’llbeyourbestman,andI’ll

bedamnhappyforyou.ButIneededtosaythatjustincaseyourealizedthiswasn’trightforyou.”

Hecontinuedtomovehispalmstogetherslowly.

I didn’t say anything else, giving him the floor. Judging by the tightness in his jaw, he did have

somethinghewantedtosay.

“Iadmit,whenRochelleandIgottogether,Iwasgoingthroughahardtime.Itwasn’tthefactthatI

couldn’tbewithRaethatbotheredme.ItwasthefactthatIdidn’tstepupwhenIhadthechance.Ryker

sweptheroffherfeet,madeherfallinlove,andthenbrokeher.Imissedmychanceoutofpurestupidity.

WhenImetRochelle,Iknewshewasreallyintome.Shewassweet,pretty,andkind.Ithrewmyselfinto

therelationshiptofeelbetter.Now,whenIlookbackonit,Iknowyou’reright.”

Atleastheadmittedit.

“But our relationship is different now. We’ve grown from what we were when we first started

dating. I have no doubt in my mind she’ll make me happy for the rest of my life. She’s smart,

accomplished,andincredible.Ireallycouldn’taskforsomeonebetter.”

Istilldidn’tthinktheyshouldgetmarriedsosoon,butitwasobviousZekehadmadeuphismind.

IsaidwhatIneededtosay,andthatwasallIcoulddo.“ThenI’mhappyforyou.Whenareyougoingto

ask?”

“In a few weeks. My friend has a yacht in the harbor, so he said I could use it for a romantic

dinner.ThenI’llgetdownononekneeandaskforherhand.”

“Wow.That’sdamnromantic.”

Hefinallysmiledforthefirsttime.“Itis.”

“Thegirlswillbeexcited.”

“Aboutthat…don’ttellthem.”

“What?Whynot?”

“You know how they are. They couldn’t keep a secret if their lives depended on it. The second

they’rearoundRochelle,they’llactdifferentandgiveitaway.”

“Yeah…true.”

“Keepittoyourself.”

“Yougotit.”

Now that the hard conversation was over, he leaned back into the couch and put his feet on the

coffeetable.“BreakupwithBonnie?”

“Who?”

“Thatgirlyou’vebeenseeing.”

“Oh…no.Ihaven’tgottenaroundtoit.”IwastoostressedaboutZeketoevenconsiderit.Allthe

sexshegavememademefeelbetter.Withoutit,thisweekwouldhavebeenmuchworse.

“Letmeknowhowitgoes.Hopefully,it’snottoolate.”

“Toolateforwhat?”

“Hopefully,shehasn’talreadyfalleninlovewithyou.”

***

“Hey.”Iwalkedinthedoorandsawhersittingonthecouch.

“Hey.”Kaydenimmediatelyjumpedupwithasmileonherface,soexcitedtoseeme.LikeSafari

waitingforRae,shelookedlikeshe’dbeenwaitingformetocomehomeallday.Shewrappedherarms

aroundmeandkissedmehardonthemouth.

Ilovedthatmouth.Sowarmandsoft.Shehadtheplumpestlips,thekindIcoulddevourallday

long.ThethoughtofnolongerkissingthoselipsanymoremademesadderthanIexpected,butIknewit

wastherightthingtodo.Thishadgoneonfortoolong,andifIdidn’tenditsoon,itwouldjustruinour

friendship.

“Imissedyou.”

“Imissedyoutoo.”IkissedheralittlelongerbeforeIfinallypulledaway.

“Whatwereyoudoing?”

“IwentbyZeke’splace.Wekindahadanargument,andIwantedtoworkthingsout.”

“Aboutwhat?”

I’dkeephissecrets.“Juststupidguystuff.Wemadeabet,andIneverpaidhimwhenIlost…”

“Well,I’mgladyouguysworkeditout.So,whatdoyouwanttodo?Gostraighttothebedroom?”

Ifwedidthat,wewouldnevertalk.“Actually,Iwantedtotalkaboutsomething…”

Sheknewitwasseriousbymytone.Herarmsleftmywaist,andshetookastepback,thejoyin

hereyescompletelygone.“Oh?”

“Aboutus…I’vebeenhavingalotoffun.Thesexisincredible,you’reincredible,everythingis

incredible.But…”

“But,what?”

“I think we should put an end to it. We’ve been fooling around for a few months now, and I’m

afraiditwillaffectourfriendshipifwekeepgoing.Soon,itmightbecomemoreseriousthaneitherofus

wants,youknow?”

Shestaredatmeblankly,herfaceaconcretewall.Shedidn’tevenblink.

Whatwasshethinking?“Idon’twantthegroupdynamictobeoff.Peoplemightnoticesomething

ifwecan’tbearoundeachotheranymore.Ijustdon’twanttoruinwhatwehave.Toomuchofagood

thingcanleadtoabadthing.”

Still,nothing.Shecrossedherarmsoverherchestandsteppedback.

Wasshepissedatme?“Kayden?”

Sheclearedherthroatthenranherhandthroughherhair,snappingoutofit.“Sorry,Iwasthinking

aboutsomethingelse…”

Rightnow?

Sheclearedherthroatagain.“Yeah,you’reprobablyright.Maybeweshouldstop…forthesakeof

ourfriendship.”

Iknewshewouldbecoolaboutthis.Therewasnopossibilityshe’dfallenforme.Ifshedid,she

wouldhavesaidsomethingbynow.Wewerejusttwofriendsusingeachothertogetoff.Peopledidthat

sortofthingallthetime.“Youwannagoforonemoreround?Youknow,sealthedeal?”AnytimeIwas

alonewithher,mycockwashardandeagertogetdowntobusiness.Maybeonemorefuckwouldgether

outofmysystem.

“Actually…I have to be somewhere. I forgot I have plans with a friend from the library. We’re

getting rid of the card catalog system and replacing everything with computers, so we’re going to get a

drinkanddiscusshowwe’regoingtodothat.”

OnaFridaynight?

“Ishouldgetintheshower.ButI’llseeyouaround.”Shewalkedawaywithoutevenlettingme

out.Herfeetechoeddownthehallway,andsheclosedthebathroomdoorbehindher.Amomentlater,the

waterstartedtorun.

Herhairandmakeupwerealreadydonesoitdidn’tseemlikesheneededashower.ButIdidn’t

understandwomen,soperhapsIwasmissingsomething.Iturnedtothedoorandletmyselfout.

ChapterFive

Rae

“Kayden’snotcoming?”

Jessiewalkedwithmeinsidethebar,ourarmslinkedtogether.Shelookedlikeabeautyqueen,as

always.“Shesaidshehadplanstonightbutdidn’tsaywhat.That’sallIknow.”

“Well,wedohavefriendsoutsidethefiveofus.Can’tblameherforwantingtotakeabreakonce

inawhile.”

Jessiestoppedwalkinginthemidstofthecrowd.“ZekeandRochelleareoverthere.”

Isawthemstandingclosetogether,bothwearingstupidsmilesontheirfacesfrombeingsodamn

happy.

God,IfeltguiltyforthatdreamIhad.

Andtheothertwoafterthat.

“But…”Jessienoddedintheoppositedirection.“There’sareallyfinehunkoverthere.”

“It’sokay.Youtalkhimup,andI’llsayhitoZekeandRochelle.Youwantmetogetyouadrink?”

Sheslippedoutofmyholdwithamischievouslookonherface.“Ifthingsgoaccordingtoplan,

he’llbebuyingmeone.”

“True.”I watched herwalk to thetall stranger in thecorner before Ijoined Zeke and Rochelle.

“Hey,what’sup?”

“Hey,Rae.”Rochellehuggedmelikesheusuallydid.

I purposely stayed far away from Zeke and hardly said hello to him. I couldn’t bring myself to

lookhimintheeye,notafterallthedirtydreamsI’dhad.Hegaveittomegood,andeverytimeIwas

sleeping, he made me come—hard. If Rochelle knew what I was thinking… Well, she had my full

permissiontoscratchmyeyesout.

Zekeimmediatelynoticedmypeculiarbehavior.“Allright?”

“Justalittlebuzzed,”Ilied.

Zekedidn’tpressmeonit,probablybecauseRochellewasthere.Heglancedtowardthedoorand

sawsomeoneherecognized.“Baby,theguysarehere.I’mexcitedforyoutomeetthem.”

I saw three guys walk in. Judging by their ages and looks, they had to be friends from school

becauseIdidn’trecognizethem.

Zeke walked us over, and he made his introductions. “Guys, this is Rochelle.” They all shook

handswithherbeforetheyshookhandswithme.“Wewenttoundergradtogether.Thoughtwe’dallhang

outtonight.”

Theguyswerequiet,staringatRochelleliketheyknewherbutcouldn’tplaceher.

“Sheworksinpediatrics,”Zekeexplainedlikethatwouldanswertheirunspokenquestions.

Zeke’sphonebegantoring,sohecheckedthescreen.“Goddammit,it’sRex.He’sprobablylost

somewhere…”Hepushedthroughthecrowdandheadedtowardtheentrance.

Rochelleseemeduncomfortablebytheirstares,sosheexcusedherselftothebathroom.“Ihaveto

pee.I’llberightback.Youmindholdingthis?”Sheextendedherdrinktome.

“Yeah,ofcourse.”Itookit,andlikeanalcoholic,Iheldtwoglasses.

Shewalkedaway,andIwasleftwiththeseguysI’dnevermet.

Itriedtomakeconversation.“SoyouguyswenttoWashingtonStatetoo?”

Liketheydidn’thearme,theytalkedaboutsomethingelse.“Didn’trealizeZekewassointoLane

Bryant.”Hechuckledashesaidit,andhistwofriendslaughedalong.

What?

Anotheronesaid,“ButIguessit’smorecushionforthepushin’.”

Theybusteduplaughinglikeitwasthemosthilariousthingintheworld.

“She’sdefinitelynotacheapdate.”Themaninthecenterlaughedathisownjoke,again.“Notif

hetakeshertoarestaurant.”

Ittookmeasecondtorealizewhatreallywasgoingon.Atfirst,IthoughtImisunderstoodwhat

they were saying. After all, I was Zeke’s friend, and they were saying that shit right in front of me.

“Excuseme?”

Theykeptchucklinguntiltheirlaughterdieddown.

“Whothefuckdoyouthinkyouare?”Myragecameoutofnowhere.Ididn’tevenknowIhaditin

metoexplodelikeavolcano.“Andyouthinkyou’reperfect,Mr.BigNoseandMr.ChestHair?”Ithrew

bothofmyglassesintotheirfacesandsplatteredtheliquidacrosstheirclothes.“Growup,dickfaces.You

shouldbeashamedofyourselves.IknowIam.”

I walked around them, about to storm off to tell Zeke exactly what his so-called friends said

behindhisback.ButIranintoRochelleinstead.

Andtearswerepouringoutofhereyes.

Ohno.

She covered her face and dashed away, moving past the crowd and making it through the back

door.Shewalkedoutsideandwasgreetedbythecoldair,herhairflyingaboutinthebreeze.

I went after her and joined her on the sidewalk. Fortunately, no one was back there, so she had

someprivacy.Onecardroveby,butthatwasouronlycompany.“Rochelle…”Isawherbodyshakeas

thetearscontinuedtorockherbody.“Don’tlistentothoseassholes.Theydon’tknowwhatthey’retalking

about.”

“Butthey’reright.”Sheheldhertearsbacklongenoughtosayafewwords.“Zekeisoutofmy

league.He’sperfect,gorgeous,andhisbody…isbeautiful.I’mjustsomefatgirl.”

“Rochelle,don’tsaythat.That’snottrueatall.”

“Yes,itis.”ShecontinuedtocoverhereyessoIcouldn’tseehercry.

“Don’tletthemkickyoudownlikethis.Theiractionssayalotmoreaboutthemthantheydoabout

you.You’rebeautifulandperfectjustthewayyouare.YoureallybelieveZekethinksanydifferent?He

lovesyouforyou.Sowhogivesashitwhatsomeinsecureassholessay?Theiropinionsareirrelevant.”

Shewipedherface,smearinghermakeupintheprocess,andthensatonthecurbofthesidewalk.

Shepulledherkneestoherchestandsniffedafewtimes,hertearsfinallysubsiding.

Isatbesideherandwasrelievedshefinallycalmeddown.Seeinghercrywasheartbreaking,and

Ihadtostopmyselffrommarchingbackintothatclubanddoingsomethingworsethanthrowingdrinksin

theirfaces.“Fromthebeginning,allofushavelovedyouforZeke.Handsdown,you’reourfavorite.”

“Really?”shewhispered.

“Absolutely.YoumakeZekesohappy.AndIcantellyoulovehim.You’reperfectforhim.”

“That’sniceofyoutosay…”

“Itoldthoseguysoffandthrewdrinksintheirfaces,justsoyouknow.AndI’msureZekewill

kicktheirassesoncehefindsout.”

“IwishIcouldhaveseenthat…”

“I’msuresomeonerecordeditontheirphone.MaybewecantrackitdownonYouTube.”

Shechuckledslightly.“Yeah,maybe.”

Irubbedherbackgently.“It’llbealright,Rochelle.Therewillbepeopleinourlivesthathurtus.

Butwehavetolaughitoffandkeepgoing.”

“Iknow,Iknow.Sometimesit’shard.”

“Yeah…Iknow.”

Whenshelookedatme,hereyeswereredandswollen.Theywerepuffyfromthewayherfingers

touchedherskin,andhercheekswerestillblotchyfromsobbing.Buthereyesstillhadtheirnaturalblue

beauty.“WhenIfirstmetyou,Iwassointimidatedbyyou.”

“Me?”Ipointedafingerintomychestbecausehersentencewasridiculous.“Thenerdytomboy?”

“WhenZeketoldmehowheusedtofeelaboutyou…Ifeltthreatened.AndthenwhenImetyou

andrealizedhowprettyyouare,Iwasevenmoreinsecure.Butyou’vealwaysbeensonicetome.And

you’re such a good person. Now I don’t blame Zeke for feeling the way he did. If I were a guy, I’d

probablyfeelthesameway.”

Iheardwhatshesaid,butittookmenearlyaminutetoprocessit.“Feelingwhatway?”

“Howheusedtobeinlovewithyou.”Shemovedherfingertipsaroundhereyes,doingherbestto

fixhermakeup.Hermascarahadruntohercheeks,andhereyelinerwassmearedaroundhereyelids.

Thenighttimeairwascold,butnowitwasfreezing.Myhandstoppedinthecenterofherback

andfeltherdistantbeatingheart.Timeseemedtoslowdownashermeaninghitmerightinthechest.

Zekeusedtohavefeelingsforme?

Ijust…couldn’tbelievethat.

When?

How?

Heusedtobeinlovewithme?

Rochellewatchedmyreaction,andslowly,hereyesnarrowed.“Didyou…notknowthat?”

Iopenedmymouthtospeak,butIcouldn’tbringmyselftosayanything.“I…no.”

“Oh…” Her eyes reddened in embarrassment then she covered her face again. “I’m so sorry. I

thoughtyouknew.Hemadeitsoundlikeeveryoneknewaboutit.”

“It’sokay…”WhatelsewasIsupposedtosay?Iwasintotalshock.

“Anyway…you’reareallygoodperson,Rae.Notverymanypeoplewouldhavehadmybackin

there.”

Herwordsbroughtmebacktotheconversationandthewholereasonwhyweweresittingonthe

sidewalk to begin with. I could process what she said later. But right now, I couldn’t dwell on it. “Of

course, Rochelle. You’re my friend. Anyone else in the gang would have done the same thing. Well,

exceptRex.Rexwouldhaveknockedthemalloutrightthenandthere.”

“Zekehasthegreatestfriends…”

I pulled my hand away from her back and rested it on my lap. I stared at the reflection of the

streetlightsonthedamproad.Thestarscouldn’tbeseenbecauseitwasovercast.ButforSeattle,itwas

stillabeautifulnight.

“Rae?”

“Hmm?”

“Could you not tell Zeke about what happened in there? I don’t want him to get upset and do

somethinghe’llregret.And…it’sreallyembarrassing.”

Ifthat’swhatshewanted,Iwouldgiveittoher.“Ofcourse.Butcouldyoudosomethingforme?”

“Yeah.What?”

“Could you not tell Zeke you told me that?” I didn’t know what I was going to do with the

information,butIcertainlydidn’twanthimtoknowthatIknew.Itmightmakethingsawkwardbetween

us.AfterallthesexdreamsI’dbeenhavingabouthim,Ialreadyfeltawkward.

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”Istareddownatmyhandsandsuddenlyfeltuncomfortablesittingnexttoher.Justthe

night before, I’d dreamed that Zeke took me from behind and rocked my world. Then he whispered he

lovedmeinmyear.Iwasaterriblepersonforhavingthosedreams,eveniftheywereoutofmycontrol.

IfshehadthosedreamsaboutRykerwhenIwasseeinghim,I’dgoape-shitcrazyonherass.

***

Iwalkedinthedooraftermidnight.“Rex!”Ithrewmypursedownandimmediatelystormedinto

thelivingroom.

RexandTobiasweresittingonthecouchplayingacarracinggame.Bothoftheirbackswereto

me,andneitheronelookedovertheirshoulder.“What’syourdeal?”Rexhitthebuttonsonthecontroller,

makingittaploudly.“Forgotyourbitchypillstoday?”

“Tobias,pleaseleave.IneedtotalktoRexalone.”

“Ignoreher,”Rexsaid.“She’sjustbeingannoying.”

IgrabbedtheremoteandturnedofftheTV.“I’mtryingnottoberude,Tobias.Butpleaseleave.I

havesomethingveryimportanttodiscusswithRex.”

Tobiasleftwithoutaword,knowingImeantbusiness.

Rexstoodtohisfullheight,hisexpressionmorphingintooneofrage.“Whatthehell—”

“Zekeusedtohavefeelingsforme?”

Hismouthwasstillgapingopen,andslowly,hestartedtocloseit.Theangerthatwasinhiseyes

asecondagodisappearedquickerthanthesnapofafinger.Hiseyesshiftedbackandforthashetriedto

planhisnextmove.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared my

brotherdownwithdetermination.

“Wherewouldyougetthatidea?Zekehasfeelingsforyouasafriend,obviously.Butthat’sit.”

“Well,Rochelletoldmeotherwise.”

Hismouthopenedagain,andhelosthispokerface.“Shetoldyou?”

“ShetoldmeZekeusedtohavefeelingsformebeforetheymet.Andyou’regoingtoexplainthat

tome.”

“Explainwhat?”

“Howlongdidthisgoon?Whydidn’tanyonetellme?Whydidn’theconfrontmeaboutit?How

dideveryoneknowexceptme?”Ifeltlikeafoolwhensomethingthatbigwasgoingonrightundermy

nose.“Didyouknowaboutthis?”

“Uh…”

“Rex.”

Heranhisfingersthroughhishair,clearlyunsurewhatheshoulddo.HewasZeke’sbestfriend,

soheobviouslyknewallthedetails.Buthedidn’twanttobetrayZeke’strust.

“Ialreadyknowthetruth,sojustgivemethespecifics.”

“Alright.”Hedroppedhishandstohissides.“Yeah…it’strue.”

Now that Rex confirmed it, it felt all the more real. The man who I thought was my best friend

wantedsomethingmorethatentiretime.NowIreevaluatedeveryhugandeverytouch.Iwonderedwhat

hewasreallythinkingwhenhelookedatme.“When?”

“Forthepastthreeyears.”

“What?” I covered my mouth as I gasped, unable to believe this lasted much longer than I ever

couldhaveguessed.“Areyouserious?”Idroppedmyhandsbacktomyhips.“Threeyears?”

“Hesaiditwasonandoff.He’dstartseeingsomeoneandwouldn’tthinkaboutyouanymore.But

thesecondhewassingle,hewouldthinkaboutyouagain.Idon’twanttomakeitsoundlikeitwasthree

yearsnonstopbecauseitwasn’t.”

“But…that’sstillalongtime.”

Heshruggedlikehedidn’tknowwhattosay.

“Andyouknewthatwholetime?”

“No.Hetoldmeafewmonthsago.”

“Whydidhetellyou?”

Rextookadeepbreathbeforeheanswered.“Hewasgoingtotellyouhowhefelt,buthewanted

myblessingfirst.”

“Buthenevertoldme.Whathappened?”

Heloweredhiseyeslikehedidn’twanttoanswer.“Ryker.”

Mylungsforgottobreathewheneverhewasmentioned.“Oh…”

“ThenightyouandZekewentouttodinner…hewasgoingtotellyouthen.Butyoutoldhimyou

wereseeingRyker,sohedidn’tsayanything.”

“Ohmygod…”

“AndthenhemopedaroundforalittlewhilebeforehestartedseeingRochelle.That’saboutit.”

I paced around the apartment because I couldn’t stand still. “I just can’t believe this. I can’t

believeInevernoticed.”

“Inyourdefense,Ididn’tnoticeeither.”

“ButIcan’tbelievethegirlsdidn’ttellme.Iunderstandwhyyoudidn’tsayanythingbecausehe’s

yourbestfriend…butwhataboutJess?Kayden?”

“Theydidn’tknow.Iwastheonlyonewhodid.”

“Oh.”Atleastthatmademoresense.

“Yeah…sothecat’souttathebag.”

Isatonthecouchbecausemylegscouldn’tcarrymeanymore.

“I’msurprisedRochellementionedittoyou.”

“ShethoughtIalreadyknew.”

“Butwhybringthatupatall?”

Ididn’twanttotellhimthestorybecauseIknewitwouldembarrassher.Andhemightbringitup

toZeke.“Weweretalking,andshesaidsheusedtobeintimidatedbyme…thensheexplainedwhy.”

“Thatwasstillanawkwardthingtosay.”

Islippedoffmyheelsandleanedagainstthecouch.“Iguess.”

Rextooktheseatbesideme.“Now,what?Areyougoingtoconfronthimaboutit?”

“No.WhywouldI?”

Heshrugged.“Idon’tknow…youseemedbotheredbythenews.”

“I’mnotbothered…justsurprised.”

“Afterhetoldmethetruth,Irealizeditwasn’tthatcrazy.Thetwoofyouhavealotincommon.I

mean, you’re practically the same person. At first, it freaked me out, but once he explained it, I

understood.”

Istaredatourdistortedreflectioninthescreen.

“So…haveyoueverfeltthatwayabouthim?”

IavoidedhisgazebecauseIwasn’tcertainofmyanswer.Mydreamshadbeenprettyexplicitfor

thepastweek.TherewasnodoubtIwasattractedtohim.Thesecondhisshirtcameoff,mymindwasin

thegutter.ButI’dbeenaroundhimmywholelifeandneverfeltthatwaybefore.WhydidIfeeldifferently

now?“No.”

“Oh…”Rexdidn’thidehisdisappointment.

EvenifIdidhavedeepfeelingsforZeke,Iwouldneveradmitit.HewaswithRochellenow,and

thelastthingIwouldeverdowasruinsomethinggoodforhim.AllIfeltwasanattractionandnothing

more.

AtleastIhoped.

ChapterSix

Rae

AllIcouldthinkaboutwasZeke.

Knowinghe had feelingsfor me wasa really big deal.It made mequestion my own perception

aboutourfriendship.MybestfrienddiggingmeshouldhavebeensomethingIpickedupon.Thankfully,

onlyRexandIknewaboutit.IfKaydenandJessiedidtoo,itwouldbereallydifficultformetopretend

everythingwasnormal.

“Zekeiscomingover.Justtogiveyouaheads-up.”

“Why?” It came out defensive and rude, but the damage was done. “I mean, what are you guys

doing?”

“I’mnotsureyet.Wemightgoout.Wemightstayhere.”

“AndRochelle?”Icouldn’ttellifIwantedhertobethereornot.Apartofmewantedherthereso

Iwouldn’tfeelguiltyforspendingtimewithhim.ButIalsodidn’twanthertherebecauseIwouldreally

feelguiltyanytimeIwasaroundher.

“No.Justhim.”Rexgrabbedabeerfromthefridgeandpoppedoffthecap.“Why?”

“Justwanttobeprepared.”

“Youknow,youdon’thavetomakeitweird.”

“I’mnot,”Isnapped.“Everythingisthesame.”

“Thenwhyareyourcheeksred,youcan’tstandstill,andyoureyeslooklikethey’reabouttopop

outofyourhead?”

“Ohgod,Ireallylooklikethat?”Iwalkedtothemirrorhangingneartheentrywayandsawthathe

wasright.ButIdidn’thavetimetocalmdownbecauseZekeknockedonthedoorthensteppedinside.

“Thecoolestpersonintheworldhasarrived,”Zekeannouncedashewalkedin.

“Dude,thecoolestpersonintheworldwasalreadyhere,”Rexsaid.“Heliveshere.”

Zekesetthecaseofbeerhebroughtoverontothecounter.“Wasn’tsureifweweregoingoutor

not,butIthoughtI’dbringthisjustincase.”Hepulledthebottlesoutofthesleevesandsetthemonthe

counter.“What’sup?”

“Nothingmuch,”Rexsaid.“Justbeingcool.”

“BreakupwithBonnie?”

Rexnoticeablytensed.“Yeah…itwentprettywell.”

“Who’s Bonnie?” I blurted. He never mentioned that name to me. And he broke up with her?

Wouldn’tthatmeanhewasinarelationshipwithhertobeginwith?

Zeketurnedaroundbecausehedidn’trealizeIwasthere.Beforehand,Ihadbeenstandingbehind

thedoor.“Hey,Rae.Didn’tseeyou.”Hecrossedtheroomandenvelopedhisarmsaroundmeforahug.

Wehardlyeverhugged,soIdidn’tknowwheretheaffectioncamefrom.Iwantedtodartoutofhis

graspbecausethetouchwasn’twhatitusedtobe.AllIcouldthinkaboutwerethenaughtydreamsIhad

abouthim.Theimageofhimshirtlesswasingrainedinmymindforever.Andnowthathehadagirlfriend,

Ifeltlikeatramp.“Uh…what’sthatfor?”

Heheldmetightlyagainsthischest,hisrock-hardbodyfeelinglikeaslabofconcrete.Whenhe

took a breath, I could feel the expansion right against me. He smelled like cologne and pine needles,

reminding me of his beautiful house near the coast. He was warm, his natural body heat protecting him

fromthecoldoutside.Thefabricofhisshirtwasunbelievablysoftagainstmyskin,andanimageofme

wearingittobedcametomind.

Whatthehellwaswrongwithme?

“Rochelletoldmewhatyoudid.”Hepulledawaysowecouldlookateachother,buthishands

werestilltightaroundmywaist.Hisfingersfeltenormousagainstmyframe,andIrealizeditwasexactly

howIpictureditwouldfeelinmyfantasies.

“WhatdidIdo?”

“Myfriendsfromcollegeweredickstoher…andyouhadherback.Ireallyappreciatethat,Rae.”

His eyes softened as he looked into mine. Those crystal blue eyes held unconditional affection, and I

wanted to dive headfirst into that deep abyss. His hard jaw was covered in a bit of stubble, and the

masculinecurvesofhisfacewerebeautifulinamanlyway.Iunderstoodwhyallthegirlslikedhim,but

nowtherealizationhitmehard.

“Itwasn’tabigdeal…anywomanwouldhavedonethesamething.”Nowomanshouldeverlet

another feel objectified like that. To be mocked for not being a size zero was ridiculous, and those

standardsshouldbeeradicated.

“No, they wouldn’t.” His hands moved around my waist, resting right under my ribs. “You’re a

goodfriend,Rae.I’mreallyluckytohaveyou.”

Iwantedtoswoonrightthenandthere.EverytimeItookabreath,Ifeltmystomachriseandpress

againsthisthumbs.Ifeltpetiteinhisembrace,evensafe.Myheartwasoutofcontrol,andmybreathing

wasjustasbad.Zekedidincrediblethingstome,thingsthatIdidn’tevenfeelwithRyker.

Whatwasgoingon?

Hejustthankedmefordefendinghisgirlfriend.

Hisgirlfriend.

Getaholdofyourself,Rae.“IloveRochelle.I’ddoanythingforher.Ifyouloveher,Iloveher.

AndI’mhappythatyouhaveher.”Thewordstumbledoutlikeanavalanche,pouringoutandspillingall

overthefloor.IspokesoquicklyIwasn’tevensureifImadesense.Iwasamess,outofitandsounding

likealunatic.“Don’tevenworryaboutit.”

“Iknowyoudo.”Hegavemeagentlesqueeze.“Shelovesyoutoo.”

Shewouldn’tifsheknewwhatIwasthinking.

Ihadtogethishandsoffme.Ifeltguiltyforjustlettinghimtouchme.“I’vegottopee…”Idashed

outofhisembraceandheadeddownthehallwayasfastasIcouldwithoutrunning.Ihadtogetaway—

andgetawayfast.

Igotintothebathroomandsatonthelidofthetoilet,finallyfeelingsafe.Icrossedmylegsand

crossed my arms over my chest, feeling my stomach lurch in painful ways. My waist still burned from

whereherestedhisfingers.

Zeke’svoicecamefromthekitchen.“Issheallright?Seemsalittleofftoday.”

Rexresponded.“She’salwaysoff,man.Iwouldn’treadtoomuchintoit.”

AtleastRexcoveredmyass.Imadeanidiotoutofmyself.Heobviouslythoughttheexactsame

thing.

***

RexandZeketookturnsplayingavideogame,andataroundtwointhemorning,Rexfellasleep

onthecouch.Hisheadwasagainstthearmrest,andhismouthwasopen,spreadingdrooleverywhere.

Zekeglancedathimwhenheheardhimsnore.“Lame.”Hefinishedthegameanddrovehiscar

overthefinishline.“Firstagain.”Hehandedthecontrollertome.

“I’mtired.”

“You’relametoo.”HeturnedoffthegameandturnedontheTVinstead.

I sat on the opposite end of the couch, my knees pulled to my chest as I tried to keep my body

awayfromhisasmuchaspossible.“Yep.That’sme,Ms.Lame.So…Rexwasseeingsomeone?”

“SomechicknamedBonnie.”

“I’veneverheardhimmentionher.”

“Theyweren’tserious.Justaflingthatlastedafewmonths.”

“A few months?” I forced myself to keep my voice low so Rex wouldn’t wake up. “Who has a

flingforthreemonths?”

“That’swhatIsaid.Isuggestedhebreakitoffbeforethepoorgirlgetshurt.”

“Didshe?”

“Hemadeitsoundlikeshewasfinewithit.”

Iyankedontheblankethangingoverthebackofthecouchandpulleditacrossmylap.“Ican’t

pictureanygirlgettingupsetoverRex.”

“Becauseyoufindhimdisgusting.Ican’tkeeptrackofhowmanygirlshavecomeuptomeand

askedifhewasavailable.”

“Becausetheyknewyouweren’t.”

Helookedatme,botheyebrowsraised.“What?”

IrealizedwhatIsaidwhenitwasfartoolate.“Becausetheyknewyouwouldknow.”

Zekestillseemedconfused,butheshookitoff.“Yeah,Ithinkmostpeopleknowwe’recloseonce

theymeetus.”

ItwashardtopictureatimewhenhewassinglebecauseitseemedlikeRochellehadbeenaround

for a long time. In reality, it’d only been about six months. She was a cute fit for him. But now I kept

picturing the time when he was available. All those nights he wanted to go home with me, and I could

havemademydreamsarealitywheneverIwanted.

Butthatshiphadsailed.

“So…is Rochelle feeling better?” I’d never forget the sight of her tears under the lamppost

outside.She was devastatedby the horrificthings they said, andI couldn’t blameher. They were cold,

superficial,andmean.

“Sheisnow.Forafewdays,shewasstillupset.Iknewsomethingwaswrong.Shewasskipping

allhermealsandseemeddownallthetime.Eventually,Ipulledthetruthoutofher.”

“I’msorry…”

“Igavethoseassholesapieceofmymind.”

“Whatdidyoudo?”

“Istoppedbytheirapartments,andwhentheyopenedthedoors,Isluggedthemeachhardinthe

face.ThenIleft.Ididn’tevensayaword.”

“Theydeservedit.”

“They deserved worse. I couldn’t believe they actually said that shit the second she turned her

back,especiallywithyoustandingthere.”

Ishrugged.“MusthaveassumedIwasanassholetoo.”

“Ittookmeawhiletotalksomereasonintoher.Shemaynotbesuperskinny,butshe’sperfectthe

waysheis.There’snoneedforhertochange.”

Ilovedthewayhedefendedher.Itevenmademesmile.ButthenIfeltguiltalloveragainbecause

my attraction grew. Zeke was a gorgeous man who could have whoever he wanted, but he never saw

himselfthatway.Hewashumbleabouthisappearance,hisintelligence,andeverythingelse.Helookedat

womenaspeople,notobjects.“There’snot.”

“AndIlikehercurves.IthinkImakeitprettycleareverynightthatIloveherbody.”

AndnowIfeltalittlesick.

Picturinghimhavingsexwithherjustmademefeellight-headed.Eventhinkingabouthimkissing

herwaspainful.Afterthewayhehuggedme,itwasdifficulttoimaginehimhugginganyoneelse.This

sense of entitlement and impropriety came out of nowhere. “I’m sure she’ll forget the whole thing

eventually.”

“Yeah,hopefully.”HeturneddownthevolumeoftheTVthenleanedagainstthebackofthecouch.

“So,seeinganyone?”

“No.”TherewasonlyonemanIwasseeinginmydreams.Ihadn’tevenbeenusingmyvibrator

because I didn’t need it. My subconscious thoughts took care of all my needs. “Not a soul.” I felt my

cheeksburnslightly.

“Whenwewentouttheothernight,alltheguyswerelookingatyou.”

“TheywerelookingatJessie.”

“No.You.”

Ididn’tnotice.“That’sniceofyoutosay,butIdon’tneedanegoboost.That’snottheproblem.”

“Thenwhatistheproblem?”

“IguessIwasn’tready.”

“Wasn’t?”heasked.“Areyoureadynow?”

My sex dreams about Zeke were the first indication that I was ready for a physical relationship

withsomeonenew.Beforethat,Ihadabsolutelynomojo,andwhateverromanticdreamsIdidhavewere

usuallyaboutRyker.“I’mmoreopentotheidea…”

“MaybeIcouldsetyouupwithsomeone.”

“No!”

Bothofhiseyebrowsshotup.

“Imean…that’sokay.”ZekewasthelastpersonIwantedtosetmeup.

“Areyousure?Rochellehasafewgoodguyfriends.Oneofthemisprettyhandsome.He’sapro

golfer.”

“Agolfer?Iwantsomeonemyage.”

“Heisourage,”hesaidwithachuckle.“He’sagoodguy.Gotoutofaseriousrelationshipabout

ayearago.He’stakensometimetogetbackonhisfeet.”

“Ireallydon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea—”

“It’ssettled.I’lltalktohim.”

“Zeke,don’t—”

“Justgoononedate.Itprobablywon’tgoanywhere,butit’sagoodwaytogetyourfeetinthe

water.We’llmakeitadoubledate.Thatwayitwon’tfeeltooserious.”

Adoubledate?Areyoukiddingme?“IthinkI’llpass.”

“Toobad.”HeturnedbacktotheTVliketheconversationwasover.

“Whyareyoupushingmesomuch?”WhydidhecareifIwasseeingsomeoneornot?Whenhe

didhavefeelingsforme,henevertriedtostopmydates,andheneverseemedparticularlyinterestedin

whatIdidromantically.Butnow,hewasbuttinginlikeJessieorKayden.

“Because I remember how happy you were with him.” He didn’t say his name, and it was

obviously intentional. “And I want you to be happy again. Isn’t that all a friend really wants? For their

friendstobehappy?”

***

“Ican’tbelieveI’mdoingthis…”Iworeashortblackdresswithheels,andJessiehelpedwith

my hair and makeup. When the gang realized I was going on my first date since Ryker, they acted like

parentswhoseoldestchildwasgoingtoprom.

“You’llbefine,”Zekesaid.“Justbeyourself.Icanpromiseyou,thisguyisgoingtotakeonelook

atyouandthinkhehitthejackpot.Andwhenyouopenyourmouthandshowhimwhoyoureallyare,he’s

goingtothinkhe’stheluckiestguyintheworld.”

It was such a sweet thing to say, and for a second, I forgot I was on a date with someone else

becauseIwastoobusystaringintoZeke’sbeautifuleyes.“That’sniceofyoutosay.”

“Imeanit.”Heplacedhishandinthecenterofmyback,hiswarmtouchnearlyburningme.“Rae,

you’re the most desirable woman on the planet. You could have any guy you want. Even if this guy is

kindafamous,he’sgoingtothinkyou’reoutofhisleague.”

“Zeke…stop.”

“I’mjusttellingyouhowitis.”Hegavemeagentlepatbeforehedroppedhishand.

Rochelle returned from the bathroom, wearing a champagne pink dress. Her blonde hair was

curledandpulledoveroneshoulder.Thesecondshewalkedaway,Iforgotabouther.ItseemedlikeZeke

andIweretheonlytwopeopleenjoyingtheevening.

Thatwasterrible.

Weenteredtherestaurantandtookourseatsatatableinthecorner.Mydatewasalreadythere,

wearing a collared shirt and a black tie. In my head, I pictured a man in his late thirties that was

ridiculouslytanned.Hiseyespermanentlysquintedfrombeinginthesunalldaylong.

Buthelookednothinglikethat.

Hewasyoung,probablymyage.Whenhesmiled,adimpleformedineachcheek.Hehadshort

brownhairandbrilliantgreeneyes.Heimmediatelyrosetohisfeetwhenwereachedthetable,andthe

glance-overhegavemetoldmehelikedwhathesaw.“Wow…I’moneluckyman.”Heshookmyhand.

“Owen.”

“Rae.”

Hepulledoutthechairforme.“It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”

Wetookourseats,andIfeltmydatestareatmewithpureintensity.Hewasreallyhandsomeand

fit, my type exactly. His skin was kissed by the sun and contained a healthy glow. His shoulders were

broadandpowerful,andhecarriedhimselfwithamasculineposture.

ButallIcoulddowaslookatZeke.

HeleanedtowardRochelleandsharedaquietwhisper.Shesmiledinreturnthentheysharedthe

winelistastheydecidedwhattoget.Theydidn’tmakeconversationwithus,probablygivingustimeto

gettoknowoneanother.

“Rochelletellsmeyou’reananalyticalchemist.That’simpressive.”

“That’sjustafancywordfornerd,”Isaidwithachuckle.

Hechuckledinresponse.“Stillimpressiveallthesame.Whatdoyoudoexactly?”

ItoldhimaboutmyworkatCOLLECT.

“That’sverycool.Andimportant.”

“So you play golf?” I realized how amateur I made it seem. “I mean, you’re a professional

golfer?”

He didn’t seem offended by the way I downplayed it. “Yeah. I’ve been doing it for about two

years now. Started right out of college. I really love it. I get to travel to beautiful places, and I’ve met

someofmyidolsalongtheway.Justafewweeksago,ImetTigerWoods.”

“Seriously?”Iasked.“That’ssocool.”

“Doyouwatchgolf?”

“No…”Ididn’twanttolieandthengetcaughtlater.“Ifollowbasketballandfootball.ButIlike

sportsingeneral.”

“That’scool.Aslongasyouhaveanappreciationforsportsingeneral,Ithinkwe’llbejustfine.”

Hewinked.

I smiled back then looked at Zeke again. He was talking to Rochelle about his day at work. He

didn’tpayanyattentiontous,andhiseyeswereentirelyfocusedonher.Itseemedlikeweweren’teven

there.

Andforsomereason,thatmademefeelemptyinside.

***

Thefourofuswalkedtotheparkinglottogether,inpairs.

“CanItakeyouhome?”Owenwalkedbesideme,hishandinhispocketashetoweredoverme

withhisheight.

I immediately glanced at Zeke and Rochelle. Zeke’s arm was around her waist, and they were

chucklingtogether,havingagoodtimeandnotcaringaboutthetwoofus.IwantedZeketotakemehome,

butIknewtheywouldprobablyheadtohisplacerightaway.Ididn’twanttoslowdowntheirevening.

“Yeah,sure.”

Wereachedtheparkinglotthensaidgoodnight.

“I’mgoingtotakeRaehome,”Owensaid.“Haveagoodnight.”

“Surething.”Zekewalkedtomethenhuggedme,butitwasjustanexcusetogetclosetome.“Are

youokaywiththat?BecauseIdon’tmindtakingyouhome.”

NowthatIwasinhisarmswithhislipsnearmyear,Ineverwantedtoletgo.Icouldstaylikethat

foreverandfeelsafeuntiltheendoftime.“No.That’snotnecessary.”

“Areyousure?”hewhispered.

“Yeah.Haveagoodnight.”Despitehowincrediblehefeltandsmelled,Ihadtogetawayfrom

him.Hisloverwasstandingjustfivefeetaway,andIhadaniceguywaitingforme.Ishouldn’thavebeen

focusingonZekeatall.“Seeyoulater.”

IgotintothecarwithOwen,andhedrovetomyapartmentjustafewblocksaway.Hegotoutof

thecarandwalkedmetomydooronthefourthfloor.Hishandsremainedinhispockets,soitdidn’tseem

likeheintendedtomakeanymovesonme.WhenCameronwalkedmehome,hepushedmeagainstthe

doorandstuckhistongueupmynose.

Notexactlyhot.

“Thisisme.”Istoppedinfrontofthedoorandturnedtohim.

Hiseyescontainedhishope,wantingmetoinvitehiminside.

Notgonnahappen.“Thankyoufordinnerandspendingtheeveningwithme.”

Hequicklyhidhisdisappointmentwhenherealizedhewasn’tgettingwhathewanted.“Ofcourse.

Thepleasurewasentirelymine.”

He had everything I was looking for. He was polite, smart, and easy-going. Under different

circumstances,I’dprobablyinvitehiminside.Buttheactiondidn’tfeelrightatall.AllIcouldthinkabout

wasZeke,eventhoughhewasspendinghiseveningwithRochelle.

Hisgirlfriend.

“Maybewecangooutagainsometime?”Owenaskedhopefully.

I wanted to let this guy down gently because there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. The

problemwasme.“You’reareallyniceguy,Owen.I’veenjoyedspendingtimewithyou.Butthisevening

hasjustmademerealizeI’mnotreadytodateyet.Honestly,ithasnothingtodowithyou.IfIwereina

betterplace,I’msurethiswouldhavegonequitedifferently.”

Hetooktherejectionwell.“Iunderstand.IttookmealmostayearbeforeIwasfinallyinaplace

where I could really be with another woman and feel good about it. Rochelle mentioned you’ve been

singleforafewmonthsnow.Maybeyoujustneedmoretime.”

“Thanksforbeingsounderstanding…”

“Ofcourse.Ijusthopeyou’lldosomethingforme.”

“Sure.”

“Ifyou’reeverinthatplaceagain,givemeacall.I’dlovetogooutagain,evenifit’sinafew

months.”

Therequestactuallymademesmile.“Ofcourse.”

“Great.” He shook my hand then gave me a nod. “I hope we see each other again.” He walked

away and headed down the hallway. Instead of taking the elevator, he took the stairs, probably so he

wouldn’thavetolookatmeashewaitedforthedoorstoclose.

Iopenedmydoorandwalkedinside.

Rexwasstandingatthecounter,andjudgingbyhowguiltyhelooked,hewasjusteavesdropping.

Hestirredaglassofwaterwithaspoon,pretendinghewasdoingsomethingthatjustifiedhimbeinginthe

kitchenandrightnexttothedoor.

“Growingseamonkeys?”

“What?”heaskedwithanervouslaugh.“Justmakingaproteinshake.”

“Really?Becauseitlookslikeyou’rejuststirringaglassofwater.”

“No…”Hestirreditharderbeforehetossedthespooninthesink.“So…how’dyourdatego?”

“Don’tactlikeyouweren’tlistening,Rex.I’mnotstupid.”

Hedroppedtheactonceheknewhe’dbeencaught.“Whatwaswrongwithhim?IGoogledthe

guy,andhe’ssmokinghot.”

Itossedmypurseonthecounterandgavehimalookfullofconcern.“Excuseme?”

“Andhe’sagreatgolfer.He’sactuallyprettywealthy.”

“Youknowme,Rex.Idon’tcareaboutmoney.Icantakecareofmyselfjustfine.”

“That’snothowImeantit,andyouknowit.I’mjustsayingthisguywasacatch.Tellmeonebad

thingabouthim.”

“There’snothingbadabouthim.”Ileanedagainstthecounterandslippedoffmyheels.

“Thenwhyaren’tyouseeinghimagain?”

Itossedmyshoesbythedoorandfinallystoodonthetile,feelingrelievedbythetouchoftheflat

surface.“Ijustdon’tthinkI’mreadytobedating.”

“It’sbeenthreemonths.Ithoughtyouwereoverhim.”

“I am.” Ryker wasn’t the problem. He was finally out of my head and a ghost of the past. Even

whenIsawhimatthefuneral,Ididn’tfeelthewayIusedto.

“Thenhelpmeunderstandthis.”

Zekepoppedintomyhead.Ipicturedhisadorablesmileandthesexywayhesmolderedwithout

evenrealizingit.Iimaginedhimshirtlessonthebasketballcourt.Irememberedthewayhetookcareof

me when I was hung over. And I remembered that thoughtful gift he gave me for my birthday. My heart

sunk with heaviness, and I suddenly felt defeated—like I’d never be happy again. “It just wasn’t right.

That’sall.”

Rexsighedinannoyance.

“YouusedtohateitwhenIdated,andnowyou’reanxiousformetobringaguyhome.”

“I’mnotanxiousforyoutohaveaboyfriend.I’manxiousforyoutobehappy.That’sall.”

Myeyessoftened.“Iamhappy,Rex.”

“Notlikeyouwerebefore.”

“Well,Iwasinloveatthetime.OfcourseIwashappy.”

“Well,beinloveagain.Butwiththerightguy.”

Again,IthoughtofZeke.“Believeme,Iwantthatmorethanyoudo.”

“ThenkeepdatinguntilyoufindMr.Right.”

“MaybeIalreadyfoundMr.Right,buthe’snotavailable…”

“What?”heaskedblankly.

“Nothing.” I wasn’t even sure why I said that. “So, when are you moving out?” It was the first

thingthatcametomind,andIblurteditout.

“Soon.Bytheway…”Hegrabbedhiswalletoffthecounterandpulledacheckout.“I’mhalfway

there.”Hehandedittome.

Ilookedatthecheckandsawthetotalforhalfofmyinvestment.“Wow.Thatwasfast.”

“I’mtellingyou,I’mfrugalaswell.Butlookwhereitgotme.”Hepointedtothecheck.“Youand

Zekearebothalmostpaidup.Ijustneedanothermonthorso,andwe’llbesquare.”

“Andthenyou’llmoveout?”

“Shutup.Youknowyou’llmissmewhenI’mgone.”

“Ireally,reallywon’t.”

“Whatever.Thisapartmentisgoingtobesoquietwithjustthetwoofyou.”

“Twoofus?”Asin,meandsomeoneelse?LikeZeke?

“Yeah.YouandSafari.”

“Oh…yeah.”Seriously,whatwaswrongwithme?

Rextiltedhisheadasheexaminedme,knowingsomethingwasoff.“Forsomereason,Ifeellike

somethingisup.Ican’texplainwhyorhow…butIjustknow.”

“Nothingisup.You’rewrong.”

“No…I can still see it.” He narrowed his gaze on my eyes. “I’m missing something, but I don’t

knowwhat.”

“You’rejustaparanoidweirdo.That’swhat.”Igrabbedmypurseoffthecounterandwalkedto

mybedroom.“Goodnight,Rex.”

“You’regoingtobed?”hecalledafterme.“It’s9:30.”

“No.Ijustwanttogetawayfromyou.”Andfallasleepasquicklyaspossible.MaybeIwould

haveagooddreamtonight…

ChapterSeven

Rex

“Ican’tbelieveRaedidn’twanttoseehimagain.”Idroppedthreeslicesontomyplateandtook

anenormousbiteofthecrustfirst.“Thatguyisatotalchickmagnet.”

Zekeshrugged.“Idon’tgetiteither.Theyseemedtohaveagoodtime,andhewasreallyintoher.

WhenhetoldRochelleaboutit,heseemedprettydown.”

“Notsurewhy…”

“Come on, Rex. You know why.” He dropped the jalapenos on his pizza before he took a bite.

“Whydoyoualwayseatthecrustfirst?Soweird…”

“It’sbetterthatway,”Isaiddefensively.“Whoputsjalapenosontheirpizza?”

“Lotsofpeople…”

“Morelikeweirdos.”IfinishedmyfirstsliceandhadgreaseallovermyhandssinceIheldonto

theedgeofthepizzaratherthanthecrust.

“HaveyoutalkedtoBonnie?”

Imovedontomysecondslice.“Who?”

“Bonnie?Thatgirlyouwereseeing.”

Ohyeah.Idrankmysodatoclearmythroat.“Actually,no.Shehasn’tcalledoranything.AndI

haven’tseenheraround.”

“Soeithershetookitwell,orshe’sreallypissed.”

“No,she’snotpissed.”Kaydenwouldtellmeifshefeltotherwise.“I’msureI’llseeheraround

andeverythingwillbefine.Webothknewourbootycallsituationhadanexpirationdate.”

“Haveyousleptwithanyonesince?”

“No…butit’sonlybeenaweek.Haven’treallyhadthetimetomeetwomen.”

“Yeah,true.”

“Whyareyousoobsessedwithmylovelife,man?”

“Obsessed?”Hefinishedaslicethenwipedhisfingersonanapkin.“Justcurious.It’snotlikeyou

aren’tobsessedwithmine.”

Now that Rae knew how he used to feel about her, it’d definitely become more interesting. But

unfortunately, Rae didn’t take the bait. It made me realize that Zeke never really had a shot with her.

SettlingdownwithRochellewasthebestthingforhim.Iprobablyshouldn’thavesaidanythingtobegin

with.“Gettingnervous?”

“Forwhat?”

“Proposing?Youknow,thescariestshitamancando.”

“Oh,that.Notreally.Ialreadyhaveeverythingplannedout.AllIhavetodoisgoforit.”

“Whenisthishappening?”

“Inaboutthreeweeks.Ithinkshe’llloveit.”

“Shit,Iwouldloveit.”Amoonlightdinneronayacht…can’tbeatthat.

“ThenI’mgoingtoaskhertomoveinwithmerightaway.Idon’tseethepointinwaitinguntilwe

actuallygetmarried.NotmuchpointinmehavingthatbighouseifI’mtheonlyonewholivesinit.”

“Thenwhydidyoubuyit?”Iaskedwithalaugh.

He shrugged. “I knew I would shack up with a hottie someday. Besides, the chicks dig my pad.

It’llbeagoodwaytoconvinceRochelletosayyesifshe’sonthefenceaboutmarryingme.”

“That’sridiculous,Zeke.She’sgoingtoscreamatthetopofherlungsandbegyoutomarryher

rightthenandthere.”

Hesmiled.“Youthinkso?”

“Comeon,youknowyou’rehot.”

Heclappedmeontheshoulder.“Thanks,man.”

Iclearedmythroat.“Eh-hem.”

“Oh,andyou’rehottoo.”

“Thankyou.”

“I’mgladRochelledidn’thearthatconversation.Thenshereallywouldconsidersayingno.”

“Nah,”Isaidwithachuckle.“Shewouldjustthinkyou’rebi.”

***

ThelongerIwentwithouttalkingtoKayden,themoreoutofplaceIfelt.Itwasweirdnottelling

heraboutmydayoragreatjokeIheard,anditwasweirdnotgettinganyactiononaregularbasis.

Mylifestartedtofeelworthless.

I didn’t know what to do with my spare time, and since I had nowhere to go, I stayed at the

apartmentwithRaealotmoreoften—whichsucked.IcaughtmyselftypingamessagetoKaydenonlyto

realizeIprobablyshouldn’tdothatanymore.

Wewerestillfriends,ofcourse.Butweweren’tthatkindoffriendsanymore.Icouldn’ttexther

wheneverIwantedjustbecauseImissedher.

AndIdidmissher.

Idecidedtogobythelibraryonmylunchbreak,anexcusetoseeher.Shehadn’tbeenoutwiththe

group,soIhadn’tbumpedintohersinceourbootycallsituationcametoanend.Ididn’twanttomakeit

obviousIwasjusttryingtoseeher.Butnotseeingheratallseriouslybummedmeout.

Iwalkedinsideandpastthefrontdesk.Afewwomenwereworkingthecomputers,andanother

wasstackingreturnedbooksonacartwithwheels.Afteraquickscan,IrealizedKaydenwasn’tthere.

IwalkedtothefirstworkerIsaw.“Hey,isKaydenaroundtoday?”

“No,”shesaid.“Shecalledinsickthisweek.Iguessshecamedownwiththeflu.”

“Oh…”Ididn’thaveaclueshewassick.“Thanks.”

***

IwentbyPaneraandpickedupacupofsoupbeforeIheadedtoherapartment.Nowonderwhy

shehadn’tbeenaround.Ididn’thaveaclueshewasundertheweather.Itwouldn’thurttobringhersoup,

right?Noharminthat.

Iknockedonthedoorbuttherewasn’tananswer.

Iknockedagain.“Kayden?It’sRex.”Iheldthebrownpaperbaginmyhandsandlistenedtothe

soundoflightfeetastheyheadedtothedoor.Thelocksclickedastheywereundoneandthedoorswung

inward.

Shedefinitelylookedill.Herfacewaspalelikewhitepaint,andhercheekswerehollowlikeshe

hadn’tbeendrinkingenoughfluids.Herhairwasinamessybun,andherpajamaslookedtoomanysizes

toobig.“Rex…whatareyoudoinghere?”

I held up the bag. “The girls at the library said you were sick. So I thought I’d bring you some

soup.”

“Oh…”Insteadofbeinghappytoseeme,shenearlylookedrepulsed.“Whywereyouthere?”

“Ihadtopickupabook.WhenIdidn’tseeyou,Iaskedwhereyouwere.”

“Oh…”

Normally,Iwouldjustwalkin,buttherelationshipwasdifferentnow.“So…canIcomein?”

“Uh…myapartmentisamessrightnow.Andit’sanincubatorforbacteria.”Shetookthebagout

of my hands. “It was nice of you to bring this for me. Thanks.” She kept one hand on the door like she

wouldblockmywayifItriedtogoinside.

“You’rewelcome.I’msorryyou’resick.”

“It’sokay…it’llgoawaysoon.”Hereyeshadbagsunderneath,andeventhoughshedidn’twear

anymakeup,hereyeslookedunusuallydarkandsunkenin.“Well,thankyou.I’llseeyouaround.”Without

waitingformetosaygoodbye,sheshutthedoorinmyface.

Ididn’tappreciatethecoldshoulder,butbeforeIcouldbeoffended,Irememberedshewasthe

onewhowasundertheweather.IfIwerereallysick,Iwouldn’twanttoentertainanyoneeither.

SoIwenthome.

ChapterEight

Rae

“Let’shitthecourt.”Zekespunthebasketballonhisforefingerthenwaggledhiseyebrowsatthe

sametime.“TheMonstarsversusTheToonsquad.”

“Rexisn’thome.”

“Justus—one-on-one.Likewealwaysdo.”

Ididn’twanttodoanythingone-on-onewithhim.Thedreamsweregettingworse,andmywaking

thoughtsweren’timprovingeither.Everydaywasgettingharderthanthelast,andIfeltatransformation

slowly taking place. I could hardly look at Zeke the way I used to. He used to just be my good friend

Zeke.

ButnowhewasZeke.

Hunky.

Dreamy.

Sexy.

Sweet.

Andgoddamnperfect.

Whowastaken.

IhadtokeepremindingmyselfhewascrazyaboutRochelle—notme.

“I’m kinda tired… I think I’m gonna take a nap.” I wanted him out of my apartment—pronto. It

didn’tfeelappropriatehavinghimaroundwhennooneelsewastheretosuperviseus.Weusedtohang

outaloneallthetime,butnowIfeltlikeaconnivinglittleskank.

Becausemythoughtsweren’tpurewhatsoever.

Ifsomewomanwantedmymanandshewashangingoutwithhimallthetime,Iwouldn’texactly

beafanofit.AndallIcouldthinkaboutwasRochelle…thatsweetwomanwhowasperfectforhimin

waysIwouldneverbe.

Suchabetrayal.

“Anap?”heaskedwithalaugh.“It’sfive.Youusuallygotobedatten.”

“WhatcanIsay?I’mlazy.”

Heburstoutwithalaugh.“Yeah…okay.”

“What?Iam.”

“You’retheleastlazypersonIknow.YoumakeTaylorSwiftlookunmotivated.”

“ThankyouforcomparingmetoTaylorSwiftbecauseyouknowIloveher,andI’maSwiftyand

everything…butI’mjustnotfeelingit.”

“Comeon.Safarineedstogooutanyway.”

Wouldhejustgetoffmyass?“Fine,okay.”

“Yes!”

***

Safarilayjustbehindthepoleandwatchedusplayonthecourt.

Icouldn’tgetintothegamebecauseIforcedmyselftostayatleastfivefeetawayfromhimthe

entiretime.Thankfully,itwasacoldday,sohehadtokeephisshirton.

Everytimehemovedaroundme,Ilethimpass.Hescored,andthenIgottheballback.Butwhen

heblockedme,hehadnoproblemtouchingmyarmorshoulder.Andeverytimehedid,Ishudderedwith

guiltbecauseIactuallylikedit.

Sohestoletheballfrommefourtimes.

Whichwasjustembarrassing.

Afterhemadeashot,hetuckedtheballunderhisarmandstaredmedown.“What’sgotteninto

you?”

“Me?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“Youtotallysucktoday.Andyouneversuck,Rae.”

That’snottrue.Isucked,andIsuckedgood.AndIwouldn’tmindprovingittohim.

Goddammit,I’mgoingtohell.WhenIreachedthepearlygates,Godwouldwavehisfingeratme

inshameandsendmestraightdownbelow.

AndIwouldn’targuebecauseIdeservedit.

“Itoldyou,I’mjusttired.”

“Evenwhenyou’retired,you’rebetterthanthis.Let’sstepitup.”Hesettheballdownthenpulled

hisshirtoverhishead.

No.No.No.

Whyareyoudoingthistome?

Stop!Now!

“You’vegottobekiddingme…”

“What?”Heturnedaroundanddribbledtheballashewalkedtowardme,hisperfectbodybulging

withtightandleanmuscle.HispecswereeachthesizeofaFrisbee,andhisshouldersweresosmooth

withsculptedmusclehelookedlikeastatue.Hisslenderwaistwasrippedwithhisabdominals,anda

noticeableVdisappearedintohisshorts.

Ibitmybottomliponaccident,butIquicklyreleaseditwhenIrealizedjusthowridiculousIwas

being.“Itoldyoutohurryupsowecouldfinishthisgame.”

Heacceptedtheexplanationwithoutquestion.

Thankfully.

Westartedupthegameagain,butthenIsuckedevenmore.Ikeptagreaterdistancebetweenus,

notwantinghimanywherenearmewithhishotandsweatybody.IfIcould’veheldmyhandsuplikeI

wasbeingfrisked,Iwould’ve.

Inoneinstance,Ihadhimpinnedinthecornersoitwasdifficultforhimtomakeashot.Hetried

tofindtherightangletolandtheballinthehoop,buthewasstuck.Ieyedtheballasheheldittotheside

ofhischest,bothofhishandsonit.

AndthenIdidsomethingtotallyinappropriate.

Totallywrong.

Unacceptable.

Andskanky.

IpretendedtogofortheballbutIpurposelytouchedhischest,runningmyhandfromhispecsto

hisstomach.

JesusChrist.

Perfection.

Sweaty,muscled,goddamnperfection.

Hemaneuveredaroundmeandshottheball,makingitinandbringinghisscoretoazillionpoints

higherthanmine.

ButIdidn’tcarethatIlost.

Ididn’tcareaboutanythinganymore.

BecauseIhadbiggerproblemsthanlosingastupidbasketballgame.

Muchbiggerproblems.

***

“Youcan’ttellanyonethis.Imeanit.Notagoddamnsoul.”

Jessiesatacrossfrommeatthetablewithherdrinkrestingonacoaster.Shedidn’tcareabouther

largeglassofalcoholbecausemytopicofconversationwasmuchmoreinteresting.“Girl,justtellme!”

“Youhavetopromiseme.”

“Fine.Ipromise.WhenhaveIevertoldyoursecretstoanyone?”

Never.Becausebestfriendsdidn’tdothatshit.

“WhataboutKayden?”sheasked.“Don’tyouwanttotellhertoo?”

“Itextedher,butshesaidshewassick.Iguessshe’sgotaseriousbugorsomething.Haven’tseen

herinoveraweeknow.”

“Okay, I guess I’m the only one who gets this delicious piece of news.” She rubbed her palms

togetherexcitedly.“Comeon,spillitalready.Iknowthisisgoingtobebig.Younevermakemepromise

tobequiet.”

Thiswasbig.Ididn’tevenknowwheretostart.

Sheleanedforward.“Comeon…youcandoit.”

“Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.I’mnotsurewhenithappenedorhowithappened…”

“Justtellme!”Sheslammedherfistsonthetableandshookherdrink.

“You’regoingtothinkI’maslut.”

“Girl,Iwishyouweremoreofaslut.”

“Okay…you’reright.”

“Sojustsaywhateverpopsintoyourmind.”Shesnappedherfingers.“Go.”

“Okay…soafewweeksago,Istartedto…”

Sheleanedforwardmore.

“LookatZekedifferently.I’mnotsurewhenithappenedorhow,butI—”

“Shutyourface!”Shecoveredhermouthwithherhandsandscreamed.“Thisishuge!”

“Willyouletmefinish?”

“I’lltry.”Shefannedherfacelikeshewasabouttomelt.

“Istartedhavingthesedreamsabouthim.Like…sexualdreams.”

Shecoveredhermouthagain,butthistimeshehidherscream.

“We were playing basketball together one day and he took off his shirt and…I guess it got my

enginerevving.”

Shescreamedintoherhand.

“Andthenhegotmethatnicegift,andhe’salwaysaroundallthetime.Andthen…youreallyhave

tokeepthistoyourself,okay?”

“Youhaveevenbiggernews?”

“Yeah.RochelletoldmeZekeusedtohavefeelingsformebeforetheydated.”

Shethrewherhandsonthetableagain.“Oh.My.Fucking.God.”

“And I haven’t been able to look at him as a friend ever since. Anytime I’m near him, I’m

picturing him naked or how his kiss would feel. And these damn dreams just won’t go away. And

Rochelle…I feel so bad. He has a girlfriend, and I can’t stop thinking about him like this. Jessie, help

me.”

“Helpyouwhat?”

“Tellmethisisjustareallyweirdcrushandit’llgoaway.It’llgoaway,right?”Ineededtohear

thatrightnow.Otherwise,Iwasdoomed.

“Well…arethedreamspurelysexual?”

“Ithinkso.”

“Aretheyromantic?Areyougoingondates?Ishetellingyouhelovesyou?”

Aguiltylookstretchedacrossmyface.

“Ohshit…”

Iknewwhatmyanswerwas.

“Itdoesn’tsoundpurelyphysical,Rae.I’msorry…”

Icoveredmyface.“No…thisisanightmare.”

“Ican’tbelievethis.”Sheranherhandthroughherhairanxiously.“Youguyswouldbethecutest

coupleever.”

“Jess,hehasagirlfriend.”

“Butshewon’tbearoundforever.”

“Areyoukiddingme?ThisisthelongestI’veeverseenhimstaywiththesamewoman.Andwe

allloveher.”

“Well, of course,” Jessie said. “Rochelle is great. Don’t get me wrong. But come on, you guys

makewaymoresense.”

“How do you figure? She’s a doctor just like Zeke. They have everything in common. I can’t

competewiththat,andIdon’twantto.”

“Howlongdidhisfeelingsforyoulast?”

IrememberedeverythingRexsaidfromourconversationbecauseitwassuchbignews.“Onand

offforaboutthreeyears.”

Jessie’sjawdropped.“Threeyears…three?”

Inodded.“That’swhathesaid.”

“Noonehasfeelingsforsomeoneforthreeyears,”sheshrieked.“Hedidn’tjusthaveacrushon

you.Hewasstraightupinlovewithyou.”

“Wedon’tknowthat…”

“It’ssoobvious.Whendidhegetoveryou?”

“Apparently,hewasgoingtoaskmeoutrightbeforeIstartedseeingRyker.”

“Andthatwasn’teventhatlongago.Ibethestillfeelsthesameway.”

I knew that wasn’t possible. “He’s head over heels for Rochelle. It’s obvious he doesn’t think

aboutmethatway.”

“No.” She held up her hand. “If you love someone for three years, those feelings don’t just go

away.Heprobablyonlymovedonbecauseheknewhecouldn’tgetyou.”

“AndIwouldagreewithyouifhehadn’tbeenseeingRochelleforsolong.Whenhaveyouseen

Zekewithagirlformorethanthreeweeks?”

Jessie’sfacefellslack.

“Never.Theytelleachothertheyloveeachother.Andthey’vemeteachother’sparents.Ifthat’s

notserious,Idon’tknowwhatis.”

Jessiedidn’thaveanargumentagainstthat.

“IthinkImissedmychance.”

“Ifthesefeelingsareserious,Ithinkyoushouldtellhim.”

“God,no.Never.”

“Whythehellnot?Heshouldknow.”

“I’mnotmessingthingsupwithRochelle.HecouldhavetoldmehowhefeltwhenIwasseeing

Rykerbuthedidn’t.LikeIwouldn’tgivehimthesamerespect.”

Shesighedindefeat.“Butthisisdifferent…”

“Doesn’tmatter.AndIwouldn’tdothattoRochelle.She’sagreatperson.”

“Iknowsheis…”

“AndevenifIdidtellhim,heprobablywouldn’tfeelthesameway,andIwouldjustmakeour

friendshipawkward.Wewouldneverbethesameafterthat.AndifRochelleknewIwasintohim,she

wouldn’twanthimtoseemeanymore.Noonewouldblameher.AndthenIwouldloseZekealtogether.”

Sheshruggedinagreement.“Thenwhatareyougoingtodo?”

“Idon’tknow.Getoverhim,Iguess.”

“Well,youdumpedthatgolfersoyou’reofftoagoodstart…”

“Idon’thavetodatesomeonetogetoverhim.I’lljustavoidhim.”

“IfRexwasn’tlivingwithyou,Iwouldsaythat’spossible.Butsinceheis,you’rescrewed.”

Iknewshewasright.“IguessIneedtogetridofhim.”

“Pronto.”

“Youwon’tbelievewhatIdidwhenwewereplayingballtheotherday…somethingslutty.”

“I’llbethejudgeofthat.”Shebeckonedmewithherfingers.“Layitonme.”

“Hehadtheball,andIwasblockinghim.SoIpretendedtogofortheballandpurposelydragged

myhanddownhischestandoverhisabs.Andday-yumitwasnice.”Icoveredoneeyeinshame.

Jessieshookherhead.“Ihateittosayit,but…thatwasreallyslutty.”

“Iknow.”

“Youdefinitelyneedsomespace.”

“Yeah…”

“Andifyoucan’tgetit,youshouldlieandsayyouhaveaconferenceorsomething.Giveyourself

aweekortwotoclearyourhead.”

“That’snotabadidea.”

“Anduseyourvibratoruntilhe’soutofyoursystemforgood.”

Itwasallchargedupandreadytogo.

***

“Ineedyoutomoveout.”IgrabbedtheremoteandturnedofftheTV.

Hewasinthemiddleofwatchingagame,andhewasn’thappyabouttheprivilegebeingrevoked.

“What?”

“You’vebeenherelongenough.Ithinkit’stimewebothhadourownspace.Iknowyou’remaking

goodmoneynow,soyoucanaffordit.”

“But—”

“I don’t even care if you pay me back at this point.” I tossed the list of vacant apartments and

housesonthetable.“I’vedonealltheresearchforyou.Thebestonesareatthetop,andtheworstones

areatthebottom.They’reallinyourpricerangeandclosetowork.Sogetonitandfigureitout.”

Hegrabbedthepapersandbrowsedthroughthem.“Ifyoujustgivemetwomonths,I’llbedebt

free.”

“Howmuchdoyouthinkrentis?You’reonlysavinglikefourthousandbucks,Rex.Justgoforit.”

“ButIhavetofurnishtheapartment.Incaseyouforgot,Ihadtosellallmythingsjusttomakerent

forthebowlingalley.Idon’thaveabed,acouch,orevenplates.Iliterallydon’thaveanything.It’sgoing

tocostalotmorethanfourthousanddollars.Ididn’trealizeIwasannoyingyousobadthatyoufeltthe

needtodothis.”Heheldupthepapersthentossedthembackonthetable.

NowIfeltbad.“Youaren’tannoyingme…”

‘’Thenwhat’stheproblem?”

“Ijust…”Forasecond,Iactuallyconsideredtellinghimthetruth.HeknewhowZekefeltabout

meinthepast.ButthenIdecidedagainstit.“Nevermind.”

“Rae, what’s up?” he pressed. “Because you’re being weird, and when you’re being weird, it

usuallymeanssomethingisup.”

“Nothing…justthattimeofthemonth.”

Thatshuthimuprealquick.HegrabbedtheremoteandturnedtheTVbackon,doinghisbestto

pretendthatawkwardsentencedidn’tenterhisdelicateears.

“Anyway,I’mactuallyleavingforaconferencetomorrow.Iwon’tbebackforafewweeks.”

“Aconference?”heasked.“Where?”

Imadeupaplaceonthespot.“NewYork.WhileI’mthere,I’mgoingtodosomesightseeingsoI

won’tbebackforatleasttendays.”

“That’sfar.IsRykergoing?”

“No.It’sjustforJennyandme.”

“That’sprettycool.Freetrip.AndgreatformebecauseI’llfinallyhavesomepeaceandquiet.”

“Yep.” And I’ll have time to forget about Zeke. “I’m leaving tomorrow. You’re in charge of

Safari.”

“First,youtellmetomoveout,andnowyou’releaving?”

“Iwashopingyou’dbegonebythetimeIgotback.”

Heboughtit.“Oh.”

“So,I’llseeyouintendays.”

“Youneedhelpwithanything?Packing?Lifttotheairport?”

“Youdon’townacar,Rex.”

“Ohyeah…butIcanUberwithyou.”

“Nah.Myflightleavesinthemorning.You’llstillbeasleep.”

“True.”

***

I checked in to the cheapest room I could find at the hotel right beside my work. It was a little

expensive,butIdidn’tspendmymoneyonmuchanyway.AndIreallyneededabreakfrommylife.

AndZeke.

IfIspentsometimebymyselfandtriedtobeobjective,IwassureIcouldsquashthislittlecrush.

WhatevermyfeelingswereforZeke,theywereonlysuperficialandtemporary.MaybeIonlywantedhim

becauseIwassurprisedheeverwantedme.

Therewasalogicalexplanation.

Andthesefeelingswouldgoaway.

I went to work in the morning and then returned to my hotel like clockwork. At first, it was

exciting because I finally had some space to myself. I didn’t have to see Rex sitting on my couch the

secondIwalkedthroughthedoor.IcouldwalkaroundinmyunderwearandwatchwhateverIwantedon

TV.

Buttheexcitementworeoffafterafewdays.

Quickly,Istartedtofeellonelyandisolated.

Andworstofall,myfeelingsforZekewereonlygettingworse.Notbeingaroundhimmademe

misshim.Whensomethingremotelyinterestinghappenedinmylife,Iwantedtotellhimaboutit.Iwanted

togoplaybasketball,butthenIrealizedIdidn’thavehimtoplaywith.Andmydreamswerejustasvivid

asever.

IwaseatingtherestofmysandwichfromlunchwhenZekecalledme.

Isawhisnameonthescreenandnearlypanicked.

Whywashecallingme?

Didheknow?

Ah!

I quickly swallowed my food then answered. “Heeey.” I covered my eyes when I realized how

stupid I sounded. Zeke turned my world upside down, and he made me so nervous that I acted like a

completedork.

“Hey.How’sNewYork?”Hisdeepvoicecameovertheline,innatelysexyandcharming.

Icouldlistentothatvoiceallday.“It’sgood.Conferenceiskindaboringbutwhatever.”

“What’sitabout?”

“Recycling…biodegradableresources…newstrainsofbacteria…”Iwaspullingallofthisoutof

myass.Itwashardtolietoafellowscientist.

ButZekedidn’tquestionit.“Cool.Doneanysightseeing?”

“JennyandIwenttotheMETyesterday.Thatwasprettycool.”

“Awesome.Clubbing?”

“Notsomuch.I’vebeentootiredintheevenings.”

“Icanonlyimagine.Yourbrainmustwanttoexplode.”

Iclosedmyeyesandpicturedhisface,realizinghowmuchImissedhim—andit’donlybeenfour

days.“Whathaveyoubeenupto?”

“Workingalot.Wehadaschedulingmishap,soI’mseeingtwiceasmanypatientswithhalfthe

timeIusuallyhave.”

“How’dthathappen?”

“My secretary made a mistake with the software…but it’s only for this week. Then I’ll get my

lunchbreaksagain.”

“Workingonanemptystomach…yikes.”

“Iknow,right?”heaskedwithachuckle.

Thesexiestchuckleever.

“RochelleandIwenttothemovieslastnight,andthenRexandIwentbowlingtoday.Thatwas

cool.”

WhenhementionedRochelle,Iactuallyfeltatwingeofjealousy.

Whichwasabsolutelyridiculous.

“Soundslikeyou’vebeenhavingjustasmuchfunwhileI’vebeenaway.”

“Not really.” His voice became quiet, and he paused for so long I didn’t think I’d get an

elaboration.“Imissyou.”

Iclosedmyeyesandheldmybreath,myentirebodyachingfromtheinnocentthinghejustsaid.

Hemeantitplatonically,beingaffectionatewithsomeonehesawasafriend.Butitmeantsomuchmore

tome,mademereadbetweenthelinesandhopetherewasmoretothosethreesimplewords.“Imissyou

too…”Ipulledmykneestomychestandopenedmyeyes,stillfeelingthedistantache.

“Ihavenoonetoplaybasketballwith.IhavenoonetotalkshitaboutRexwith.Ihavenooneto

getlunchwith.Mylifeisprettyemptywithoutyou,Rae.”

Hewastorturingme.“I’mprettylonelywithoutyouguystoo.”

“Whenareyoucomingback?”

“Notforanothersixdays.”Maybeevenlesssincethisdistanceplanwasn’tworkingwhatsoever.

“Awholeotherweek?”Hewhistled.“Damn,that’salongtime.IwonderifNewYorkwillstill

bestandingbythetimeyouleave.”

“ItwasherelongbeforeIwas.Andit’llbeherelongafter.”

“Whateveryousay,Rae.I’llletyougo.Iknowit’slatethere.”

Ohyeah.NewYorkwasthreehoursahead.“Yeah,Ishouldgettobed.”

“Goodnight,Rae.”

Iloveditwhenhesaidmyname.Itsoundedexactlythesameasitdidinmydreams.“Goodnight,

Zeke.”

***

Afewdayslater,Iwalkedtomyhotelfromwork,travelingonfootbecauseIwassoclose.My

hotelroomwasnolongerasafehavenbecauseitwasjustanemptyroomvoidofpeopleandfriends.

Icouldn’twaittogohome.

AndthoughIneverthoughtIwouldsaythis,ImissedRexlikecrazy.

Iwasn’toverZekeatall.Infact,Iwasevenmorehunguponhim.

Whydidhehavetocallme?

“Rae.”

IwasjustabouttoopenthedoortothehotelwhenIrecognizedthatunmistakablevoice.Itwas

deepandpowerful,containingtheauthorityofamanIknewintimatelywell.Ihadn’tseenhiminmonths,

andIhopedIwouldn’tseehimagain.

IturnedaroundandsawRykerstandinginfrontofthewindow,wearingablacksuitwithalong

overcoat. He looked the same as always, his eyes sparkling blue with rage embedded deep inside.

“Ryker.”

He eyed the hotel before he returned his look to me. “I’ve seen you walk here every day after

work.Mycuriosityhasgottenthebestofme.”

Myeyebrowimmediatelypoppedupwithsuspicion.“Whyhaveyoubeenwatchingme?”

He nodded toward the COLLECT building. “My office window faces this hotel. Don’t worry, I

haven’tbeenspying.ButIstillwanttoknowwhatyou’redoing,soIdecidedtoask.”

“Notreallyanyofyourbusinesstoask.”

Hedidn’treacttotheinsult.“Hookingupwithamarriedman?”

Ialmostslappedhim.“Excuseme?”

“Notyourstyle,Iknow.Butwhyareyousneakingofftoahoteleveryday?”

“Wow,you’renosy.AndI’mnotsneaking.”Irefusedtoanswerhisquestion,especiallyafterthe

insulthejustgaveme.

“I’msorry.”Heranhishandthroughhishair,theremorsecomingintohiseyes.“Wegotoffonthe

wrongfoot.Ididn’tmeantocomeoverhereandinsultyou.Honestly,I’veseenyoueveryday,andI’ve

beenlookingforanexcusetotalktoyou.Yourlifeisobviouslyalotmoreinterestingthanmine,andI’m

curious.Didyoubuyahouseandyou’regettingreadytomovein?”

IknewwhenRykerwassincere,andIcouldtellhedidn’tmeantoangermeonpurpose.“No.Rex

isstilllivingwithme,andI…justneededsomespace.”

“Thatguymakesmoney.Tellhimtomoveout.”

“Hewantstowaitafewmoremonthstosavemoney.”

“Whoknewhecouldbesofrugal?”

“HewantstopayZekeandmebackfirst.Atleasthehasgoodintentions.”

“Alwayshas.”Heputhishandsinthepocketsofhiscoat.“So…howhaveyoubeen?”

“Good.Justworkandlivinglife.”Andtryingtogetovermybestfriend,whohasagirlfriend.

“Haveagoodbirthday?”

IwassurprisedheknewwhenIhadabirthday.Inevertoldhimaboutit.“Itwasalotoffun.How

didyouknow?”

“JennymentionedsomethingonedaywhenIsawherinthecopyroom.”

Istilldidn’tknowhowIcouldhavecomeup.“Gettingolderisn’tanyfun.Butgettingdrunkis.”

Hechuckled.“Wordsweshouldallliveby.”

Ichuckledathischarmingsarcasm.“Howareyou?”

He knew exactly what I was asking because his eyes darkened in sadness. “You know…I’m…”

Heshruggedwhenhedidn’thaveafullresponse.

Ifeltterribleforhim.

Heclearedhisthroatandchangedthesubject.“Youwanttogetadrink?There’sapubjustablock

away.”

Ididn’tthinkhewasmakingamoveonme.Itwouldn’tmakeanysenseifhedid.Hewastheone

whodumpedme,andhenevershowedanyinterestingettingbacktogether.Itmusthavebeenafriendly

invitation. And that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. We’d had enough time to get over our old

relationship,andhewasmyboss.Therewasnoreasonwecouldn’tbeciviltooneanother—andmaybe

evenbefriends.“Yeah,I’vegotsometime.”AndIhadcabinfeverfromspendingeveryafternoonalone.

Lately,I’dbeenchattingJenny’searoffinthelab.Iwasprettysureshewasannoyedwithme.

“Great.”

***

Wemadesmalltalkaboutwork,sports,andtheabnormallyrainyseasonwe’dbeenhaving.Ryker

didn’tmentionourromanceortalkaboutanyonehewasseeing.Ididn’twanttoknowsoIwasgladthe

subject didn’t come up. If I weren’t over him and into Zeke, this meeting would have been much more

difficult.

“What’sthegangbeenupto?”HedrankanOldFashioned,likeusual.Somethingsneverchanged.

“Jessieisstillatthehairsalon.Ireallythinksheneedstoopenupherownstudio.Shehasatalent

forthatsortofthing.AndKaydenisstillatthelibrary.She’sbeensickfornearlytwoweeks—poorgirl.

Rex is…well, Rex.” When I mentioned the last member of the group, I couldn’t stop my tone from

changing.“AndZekeandRochellearestilltwopeasinapod.”

Heexaminedmyfacewithhistypicaldarkgaze,hisshoulderslookingpowerfulinhiscollared

shirt.Hewasjustasstrongasheusedtobe.Experiencinggriefhadn’tphysicallychangedhimatall.His

fiveo’clockshadowwasthicklikeheskippedhisshavethatmorning.“Idetectsomeresentmentthere.

Youdon’tlikeRochelleanymore?”

Ididn’teventalktoRyker,andhepickeduponmymisery.Ihadtodoabetterjobofhidingmy

feelings.“No,she’sgreat.They’rereallycutetogether.He’ssohappy,andit’snicetoseehimlikethat.”

Rykerstilldidn’tbuyit.“Areyousure?”

“Yeah…”

Rykerwatchedmelikehedidn’tbelieveme,buthedidn’tpressmeonit.“So,there’ssomethingI

want to ask, but I don’t want to ask it.” He stared at me like he’d given me enough information that I

shouldbeabletofigureoutwhathewanted.

Sadly, I knew exactly what that question was. “No.” I didn’t want him to answer in return so I

neverasked.Itdidn’tmattertome.Evenifhewasmarried,itwouldn’tmattertome.Hecutmedeeper

than a butcher’s knife. I bled out and took months to put myself back together. That kind of heartache

nearlykilledme.Igotbackonmyfeetandmovedon—thankfully.Butthatdidn’tmeanIwantedtotalk

aboutit.

“I’msurprised.”

“Idon’tknowwhatthat’ssupposedtomean.”

“Ifiguredsomeonewouldhaveswoopedyouupthesecondyouwereavailable.”Hegavemethat

knowinglook,fullofaccusation.Hebroughthisglasstohislipsandtookadeepdrink.

“ZekeishappywithRochelle.”

“Notthathappy.Isawthewayhelookedatyou…heneverlooksatherlikethat.”

Thehopegrewinmyheart,inflatinglikeaballoon.“Well,I’mprettysurehe’soverme.”

RykerimmediatelytensedatwhatIsaid.“Soyoufinallybelieveme?”

“Yes.”I’drathernotadmitRykerwasrightaboutanything,butIwasn’tgoingtoliejusttokeepmy

pride.

“Hegotthecouragetotellyou?”Hegavemethatdarksmile,afakeandinsincereone.

“No.Rochelletoldme.Iwassurprised.”

“Whydidshetellyouthat?”

Ididn’twanttogointothedetails.“Youknow,girltalk.”

“And?”

“Andwhat?”

“Thatwasit?Nothinghappened?”

“Whywouldanythinghappen?LikeIsaid,he’sseeingRochelle,andhe’soverme.”

“Iguessyoumustberight.Probablywouldhavedonesomethingbynow.”

Thehopedisappearedlikemyballoonhadbeenpopped.IanalyzedthewordsZekesaidtomeon

thephonetheotherday.Whenhesaidhemissedme,Ipretendeditwasinacompletelydifferentcontext.

“Zekeislikefamilytome.Andthisway,he’llalwaysbefamily.AndRochellewilljustbeapartofthat.”

“True.”

Ifinishedmywinebutdidn’torderanother.Ididn’tmindtalkingtoRyker,butIdidn’twantthisto

lastlongerthananhour.Maybeonedaywecouldbearoundeachotherlongerthanthat,butfornow,we

weren’tquitethere.“How’syourmom?”Inevermether.Actually,I’donlyseenheronce—atthefuneral.

Hestareddownintohisglass.“She’s…havingahardtime.”

“I’msosorry.”IfIlostmyhusband,Iwouldbedevastatedtoo.

“ConandIspendalotoftimewithher,keepinghercompany.Butwe’llneverbeabletoreplace

whatshelost.”

Itwasthefirsttimehetalkedabouthisbrother.“That’sniceofyou.I’msuresheappreciatesit.”

“She’sprettyquiet.WemainlywatchTVwithher.Sheusedtonevershutup,andnowIcan’teven

gethertoansweradamnquestion.”Hechuckledslightly,butitwaspurelyinasarcasticway.

“Yourdadwasagoodman.Istillthinkabouthim.”

“Iknowhewas…andthankyou.”

Ironically,itwasthedeepestconversationweeverhad—andweweren’teventogetheranymore.

Heopenedhismouthlikehewasgoingtosaysomething,butthenhecloseditagain.

Iremainedpatient,hopingforsomethingmore.

“Iwantyoutoknowthat…Ireallycaredaboutyou.IknowIdidn’tshowitverywellandIhurt

you,butIhopeyoucanbelieveme.”

I didn’t want to talk about our relationship. I was hoping he’d say something about his father

instead,gethisgriefoffhischest.SoIsteeredtheconversationbackintherightdirection.“Iknowyou

did,Ryker.Andit’sokaywedidn’tworkout.There’snoneedtoapologize.I’minareallygoodplacein

mylife.I’mnotsadwebrokeup.I’mgladithappened.”

Hewatchedmewithhisexpressionlesseyes,tryingtoreadintomine.

“Whenmymotherdied,itwasreallyhardformetoaccept.Ididalotofstupidthings.Igotdrunk

at school and got suspended. I fooled around with boys when I was way too young for those kind of

relationships.AndIlostmyself…”

Hiseyessoftened.

“It’snotjusttheacheoflosingaparent.It’sthefactthatyoufeelalone.There’sonelessperson

youcanrelyon.Andyouthinkaboutthemsuffering…soyousuffertoo.ButwhenRexfinallymademe

talktohim…reallytalktohim…ittrulyhelped.I’mnotsuggestingthatyoutalktomeabouteverything,but

havingthatconversationwithsomeonewouldbehelpful.”

Henoddedwithhiseyesdowncast.

Iopenedmywalletandleftcashformydrink.

Hedidn’toffertopay,whichIwasgratefulfor.

“Ishouldgetgoing.Itwasnicetoseeyou,Ryker.”Igotoffthechairandpusheditunderthetable.

Hedidn’tgetup.“Didyoulikemyflowers?”

Ishoulderedmypurseandstaredathimblankly,unsurewhathemeant.“I’msorry.”

“TheflowersIsentyouonyourbirthday.Justwantedtoknowifyoulikedthem.”

I still didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “Sorry…I never got them.” Maybe the

deliveryguydidn’tmakeitdowntothelab.Heprobablyleftitonsomeone’sdeskanditjustnevermade

itswaydowntome.

Hecrossedhisarmsoverhischestanddidn’tsayanything.Withhisemptyglasssittinginfrontof

him,helookedcompletelylost.Hehadnowheretogo,noonetogohometo.Hiseyesweren’tasbright

andvibrantastheyoncewere.Likeacloudpermanentlyobscuringthesun,hisvisionwasmasked.

Defeatanddepressionhungfromhislimbs,andhewasnolongerthecharismaticandcockyman

who could make my knees grow weak. Now he was tired, exhausted from the loss of his father. The

burden of the dead still weighed heavily on his shoulders. He didn’t look at me for nearly a minute,

refusingtomakeeyecontactwithme,whichwasn’tlikehimatall.“Youwereright,Rae.”

“Rightaboutwhat?”

He clenched his jaw then looked out the window, seeing the spots of rain on the glass. “Right

abouteverything.”

ChapterNine

Rex

IenteredthebarwithTobiasandshookofftherainfrommyjacket.“I’veneverbeenherebefore.”

“Meneither.ButIheartheyhavethebesthappyhour.Buyoneapp,getonefree.”

“Nowthat’sadealIcangetonboardwith.”Ihigh-fivedhimfornorealreason.

Wewalkedtoatableandtookourseats.Themenuswereinfrontofus,sowetookaquickglance

overthem.

“You’re awfully cheap for a man who owns a successful bowling alley.” With broad shoulders

andhairasdarkasmine,TobiasfitinrightalongsideZekeandme.

“Well,I’vegottopincheverypennysoIcanpaybackZekeandRae.”

“Aretheyactinglikeabank?”

“No.Theyjust—”IstoppedtalkingwhenIspottedsomeonestrangelyfamiliaracrosstheroom.

With dark brown hair, a slender physique, and wearing jeans and a pink sweater with the hole at the

bottom,wasRae.Atleast,Ithoughtitwas.

“What?”Tobiaslookedoverhisshoulderandfollowedmygaze.“Beautifulbabe?”

“No…butI’mdefinitelylookingatapig.”

“Hey.Isn’tthat…?”

IstaredatRae’sprofilebutcouldn’ttakeitin.Itreallywashersittingacrosstheroom.Shehada

glass of wine in her hand, and the man who sat across from her was someone I absolutely despised.

“WhatthefuckisshedoingwithRyker?”

“Isn’tshesupposedtobeinNewYork?”

Whatthehellwasgoingon?

JustwhenIwasabouttoconfronther,shestoodupandgrabbedherpurse.Sheleftatenonthe

tableandpreparedtoleave.

“Keepyourheaddown,”Iordered.“Idon’twanthertoseeus.”

Tobiasburiedhisnoseinthemenu.

Rae exchanged a few more words with Ryker, but it was obvious they weren’t pleasant ones.

Rykerlookedoutthewindowandavoidedhergaze.Hewasn’thistypicalplayfulself.Helookedpale

and devastated, like there wasn’t anything left for him to live for. Rae didn’t give him a hug or even a

handshake.Shewalkedoutwithoutlookingback.

Rykerremainedbehind,hiseyeswatchingherwalkawayuntilshewascompletelyoutofsight.

Istillcouldn’tfigureoutwhatIwaslookingat.

“Whatthehellisgoingon?”Tobiaswhispered.“Areyousureshedidn’treturnfromNewYork

today?”

“No.She’ssupposedtobethereforthreemoredays.”

“Iwonderifsheeverwentatall…”

NowIwonderedthesamething.

***

IcalledKaydenforanswers.Iwantedtogettothebottomofthis,butIalsowantedanexcuseto

talktoher.WhenIbroughthersoup,wedidn’tsaymuch.Thephonerangafewtimesbeforeitwentto

voicemail.

“Hey, it’s Rex. Just calling to check in and see how you’re doing. Haven’t seen in you in a

while…”Myvoiceechoedovertheline,andIsuddenlyfeltincrediblylonely.Ididn’tbothermentioning

whatIsawwithRae.Itdidn’tseemimportantanymorenowthatIwastalkingtoheransweringmachine.

IcalledJessienext.

Sheanswered.“Hey,Rex.What’sup?”

“Ihaveabonetopickwithyou.”

“I’mnotgivingyoufreehaircutsanymore.Look,youmakemoneynow,andIshouldbepaidfor

mywork.”

“No,notaboutthat.But,we’llgetbacktothatbecauseIactuallydoneedahaircut.”

“Notafreeone,”shecountered.

“Whatever.I’mpissedrightnow,andyou’regoingtogivemesomeanswers.”

“Pissed?”sheasked.“Aboutwhat?”

“WhatthehellisgoingonwithRae?”

Silence. Long silence. Her tone changed from confrontational to bewildered. “What are you

talkingabout?”

“Rae’snotinNewYork.IjustsawherhavingadrinkwithRykerinsomebar.”

“What?”NowshesoundedasshockedasIwas.“WithRyker?Areyousure?”

“Yes.Istaredatthemforfifteenminutes.”

“Ohgod…”

“Jess,whydidshelie?”

“Idon’tknowwhyyouthinkIknowanything—”

“Becauseyoudo,”Isnapped.“Icantell.WhywouldshelieaboutgoingtoNewYorkbutstayin

Seattle?Iknowmysisterdoesstupidshit,butIreallycan’tfigurethisoneout.”

Jessieremainedquiet,unsurewhattosay.“Look…Idon’tknow.”

“Bullshit.Tellme.”

“Rex,Ican’t.”

“Youcan’t?”Iaskedincredulously.“No,you’regonnatellme.”

“IpromisedherIwouldn’t.”

Imetadeadend,andIdidn’tlikeit.“Whywouldshemakeyoupromisesomethinglikethat?”

“Rex…I swore I wouldn’t say anything. And I can’t. I know you must feel really confused right

now,andIfeelbadaboutthat.ButIpromisethiswholethinghasnothingtodowithyou.”

“She’snottryingtogetawayfromme?”

“No.”

“IsshebacktogetherwithRyker?”Thatwastheworstscenario.

“No.”

“Areyoujustsayingthat?”

“No,”shesaid.“IhavenoideawhyshewaswithRyker,butherhiatushasnothingtodowithhim

either.”

“Thenwhodoesithavetodowith?”

Shesighedintothephone,andthatwastheonlyanswerIwasgoingtoget.

“Don’ttellherI’monhertrail.”

“Rex,thesecondwegetoffthephone,I’mgivingheraheads-up.”

“No.Shepromisedshewouldn’tlietomeagain.”Icouldn’tstopthehurtfromescapingmyvoice.

“I’mgoingtogivehersomespacetocomecleantomewhenshesupposedlycomesback.”

“Rex…ifyouknewwhyshelied,youwouldn’tbeangrywithher.”

Mythoughtsturnedbleak.“Pleasedon’ttellmeshe’ssick…notanythinglikethat.”

“No.Ipromise.Nothinglikethat.”

Ifeltbetter,butnowIcouldn’tthinkofanyjustifiablereasonforherbehavior.

“Iunderstandwhyyou’remad,Rex.Butifyouknewwhatwasgoingon,Ipromiseyouwouldn’t

bemad.”

“Yeah…butIdon’tknowwhat’sgoingon.”

“I’msuretheshitwillhitthefansoon.”

“So,areyounotgoingtotellherIknow?”JessiewasverydevotedtoRae,sotheoddsofgetting

whatIwantedweren’tgood.

“Idon’tknow…”

“Don’ttellher,Jess.”

Shesighedintothephoneagain.

“IthoughtIwasyourfriendtoo.”

“Ofcourse.”

“Okay,youkeptapromisetoheraboutthislittlehiatusshemade.Andnowyou’regoingtomakea

promisetomethatyouwon’ttellherIspottedher.”

AftercontemplatingwhatIsaid,shefinallyagreed.“Fine.”

“Thankyou.”

“Justremember…she’sgoingthroughahardtime.Don’tbeajerk.”

Rather than being angrier, I was hurt Rae didn’t tell me whatever was going on in her life. We

wereroommates,andwewerefamily.ButIdidn’ttellhereverythingeither.Obviously,Inevertoldher

aboutKayden.ButIneversnuckofffortwoweeksandliedaboutit.“We’llsee.”

***

Rae walked inside with her fake luggage and smothered Safari with kisses. “I missed you so

much,boy.”Safarilickedherentireface,swipinghistonguealongthesideofhernoseandeveninher

ear.“Wow,whatagreatkiss.”Shehuggedhimbeforeshestoodupagain.

Istaredherdownandforcedmyselfnottoexploderightthenandthere.“HowwasNewYork?”

“Itwasgreat.Hadalotoffun.”

Howcouldsheliesoeasily?Wassheapsychopath?“Good…”

“ButI’mgladtobehome.Livinginahotelgotold.”

“Yeah…I’msure.”Especiallyahoteljustafewblocksaway.

“Howwasyourvacationfromme?”

“Itwasokay.IspentalldaycleaningthehouseyesterdaytohidethehorrorIcaused.”

“Well,atleastIdon’thavetolookatit.”Shepulledherluggageintothebedroom.“I’mgoingto

showeranddosomelaundry.Canyouorderapizza?”

I watched her walk away, feeling my face turn bright red in anger. Like nothing happened, she

pretended everything was perfectly normal. How did she do that? The only thing stopping me from

screamingwasthefactJessietoldmeRaedidthisforaspecificreasonandthatshewasgoingthrougha

hardtime.Andmoreimportantly,Iwouldfeelbadforgivingherahardtime.

Thatwastheonlythingthatheldmeback.

***

Jessie came over while Rae was still getting dressed. She looked at me and saw the anger still

burninginmyeyes.It’dbeentheresinceRaecamehomeyesterday.“Youlook…pissed.”

“BecauseIam.”

“I’mguessingyouhaven’tsaidanythingtoher.”

“No.”Butitwasgettingmoredifficultwitheverypassinghour.

“I’mproudofyou.ButIalsothinkyoushouldletitgo.”

LikeI’deverletthisgo.Itwasaninsultshecouldn’tbehonestwithme—herfamily.

“I think—” She stopped talking when Rae came back into the room. She quickly changed the

subjectsoitwasn’tobviouswewerejusttalkingabouther.“IthinkweneedtopullKaydenoutofher

cave.She’sbeensickforever.There’snowayshe’sstillsick.”

“Iagree,”Raesaid.“We’llstopbyherplaceanddragherwithus.”

Mymoodpickedupslightly.ThethoughtofseeingKaydenagainbroughtaslightjoytomystep.I

hadn’t seen her at all since I ended our arrangement. I found myself thinking about her all the time,

wonderingifsheneededanythingwhileshewasill.IbroughthersoupsoIcouldspendtimewithher,but

shewouldn’tevenletmeinside.

“Soundslikeaplan,”Jessiesaid.“Andyoulookhot,bytheway.”

“Youlookhotter,”Raereplied.

Iclearedmythroat.“Eh-hem.”Ibrushedtheinvisibledustfrommyshoulder.

“What?”Raestaredatmeblankly.

“Ilookhottoo,right?”Igavethemmysignaturesmolder.

“Youwantyoursistertocallyouhot?”Raeaskedincredulously.

“No,idiot,”Isnapped.“Jessie.”

“Justtellhimhe’shotsowecangetgoing,”Raesaid.“Otherwise,he’llbitchandcomplainthe

wholetime.”

“Idon’tbitchandcomplain,”Isaid.“That’sallyou.”

Jessielookedmeupanddown.“Ithinkyoulookhot,Rex.”

MyegohungontoherwordseventhoughIknewshedidn’tmeanawordshesaid.“Why,thank

youverymuch.”

“Canwegonow?”RaewalkedoutthedoorwithJessie,notbotheringtowaitforme.

“Shutup.I’mcoming.”

***

“Open this damn door!” Jessie nearly broke it down with her fists. “We know you’re in there,

brat!”

“She’sreallygoingtowanttocomeoutnow…”Rae’svoicewasfullofsarcasm.

“I don’t care,” Jessie said. “She doesn’t even know you were in New York for ten days. That

meansweseriouslyneedtotalk.”

Myangerstartedtobubbleagain.

Raegaveitatry.“Kay,it’sus.Howsickcanyoubetonotopenthedoor?”

Finally, Kayden snapped the door open. She was in baggy sweats and a t-shirt. Her hair was

thrownintoabun,andherfacewasfreeofmakeup.ShelookedmuchskinnierthanthelasttimeIsawher

—dangerously skinny. She opened her to mouth to say something, and then her eyes landed on mine. A

shortburstofpanicovertookherface.Thenshequicklyhidit.“Youalmostbrokedownmydoor.”

“IwouldhaveifRaehadn’tstoppedme,”Jessiesaid.“Areyoustillsickorwhat?”

“Youdon’tlooksick,”Raesaid.“Justtired.”

Kaydenclosedthedoormoresowecouldseelessofher.“Ifeelalotbetternow.Itwasreally

nastyforawhilethere.I’vejustbeentakingthelastfewdayseasysoIcanfullyrecover.”

“Whatdidyouhave?”Jessieasked.

“Theflu,”Kaydenanswered.“AndthenIgotbronchitis.”

“Damn,”Raesaid.“Nowonderyouwereoffthemap.”

“Yeah…”Kaydencontinuedtoeyeusonherdoorstep.“Iwouldletyouin,butIhaven’tscrubbed

downtheplacesinceI’vegottenbetter.Idon’twantyouguystogetsick.”

“That’sokay,”Raesaid.“Weactuallywantedtopickyouup.We’regoingtothebarsandyou’re

comingalong.”

“Yep,”Jessiesaid.“Getdressed.”

Ihadn’tsaidaword.WhenIlookedather,Ifroze.

“Uh…”Kaydenturnedaroundtolookatsomethingbehindher.

“You’recomingwithus,”Jessiedemanded.“Sodon’tfightit.”

“Well,doyouguysmindifIchangerealquick?”Kaydenturnedbacktous.

“Notatall,”Raesaid.

“That’sthespirit,”Jessiesaid.“We’llwaitouthere.”

“Alright,”Kaydensaid.“I’llbebackinfifteenminutes.”

***

Likeshejuststeppedoutofthesalon,Kaydenlookedlikeabeautyqueen.Withbeautifulandshiny

hairandatightlittledressthatshowedoffherincrediblelegs,shelookedlikeMissUniverse.

Icouldn’tstopstaring.

Afterwearrivedatthebar,wegotourdrinksandenteredaboothinthecorner.Isatrightacross

fromKaydenandhadtoforcemyselftogazearoundtheroomsoIwouldn’tstareather.

“Where’sZeke?”Jessieasked.

“He’llbeheresoon,”Isaid.“Rochellegotoffworklate.”

JessieimmediatelyturnedhergazetoRae.

Raemetthelookthenquicklyturnedaway.

Whatwasthatabout?

Kaydensippedherdrinkanddidn’tmakeeyecontactwithmeonce.Shewassilentatthetable,

searchingthecrowdandnotparticipatingintheconversationatall.

“You’velostalotofweight,”Jessiesaid.“Youneedtoeatitbackpronto.”

“Orit’sthebestdietever,”Raesaidwithalaugh.

“Yeah, I know,” Kayden said with a weak voice. “Every time I would eat something, I’d just

throwup.”

Jessiecringed.“Thatsucks.Sorry,girl.”

“It’sokay,”Kaydensaid.“It’sovernow.”

Jessie’sfocusturnedtoaguyatthebar.“Ooh…he’shunky.”

Kaydenfollowedhergaze.“Yeah,heis.”

“I’mthinkingaboutgoingforit,”Jessiesaid.“ButI’mkindaboxedin.”

“Well,I’mgonnagetup.”Kaydenpushedherdrinkaway.“ButonlybecauseI’mgoingtohiton

him.”Withoutanotherword,shelefttheboothandwalkedtothemansittingatthebar.Shegavehima

friendlysmile,openedwithsomekindofjoke,andthenshewassittingbesidehiminthechairandmaking

smalltalk.

Ouch.

Fuck,thathurt.

“Damn,”Jessiesaid.“Didyouseethat?”

“Iknow,”Raesaid.“Beinglockedupfornearlythreeweeksprobablymadehergoalittlecrazy.

Theultimatedryspell.”

“Iwouldbejealous,”Jessiesaid.“ButI’mtooimpressedtofeelanythinglessthanadmiration.”

“Cometothinkofit,Idon’tthinkI’veeverseenKaydenhitonaguylikethat.”Raestirredher

cocktailbeforeshetookadrink.

“IguessshereallywantsthatD,”Jessiesaid.“Goodforher.”

IkeptstaringatKaydenassheflirtedwiththehandsomestranger.Shesaidsomethingtomakehim

laugh,andthenheorderedaroundofdrinksforbothofthem.

Mystomachbubbledwithacid.

Ifeltsick.

Like,worsethanthefluandbronchitissick.

“Youalright,Rex?”Jessieasked.

Iturnedbacktothemandtriedtomaskmydepression.“Yeah,thisbeerisn’tforme.Toosweet.”I

madeafaceandpusheditaway.Truthfully,itwasperfectlyfine.

“Ihateitwhenthathappens,”Raesaid.“Awasteofeightbucks.”

“Yeah…”IrefusedtoletmyselflookatKaydenagain.Itjustbummedmeout.

“Zekeishere.”Jessiespottedhimenterthebar.“Andshe’swithhim…”

Raepurposelylookeddownatherdrinkanddownednearlyhalfofit.

ZekeandRochellegotadrinkfromthebarthenjoinedusinthebooth.“Hey,what’scrackin’?”

Zekeslidinfirst,andthenRochellesatdownrightafterhim.Raehadtoscootnexttome,followedby

Jessie.

“Nothingmuch,”Isaid.“Justhanging…”

Rochellesaidhitoeveryone.“Hey,guys.”ThenshefocusedherattentiononRae.“HowwasNew

York?”

Raewasquietforsolongitseemedlikeshedidn’thearthequestion.Shegrippedherglasstightly

andopenedhermouthtospeak,butnothingcameout.

Ieyedherwithinterest,unabletorecallatimewhenmysisterwasspeechless.

“It was good,” Rae finally said. “But I’m glad to be home.” She never made eye contact with

Rochelle.Shedidn’tlookatZekeeither.

Jessie stared at her with a look full of pure sadness. Then she cleared her throat. “Kayden is

here.”Shepointedacrossthebar.“Pickingupsomemancandy.”

“Oh,sheis?”Zekeaskedwithgenuineexcitement.“Ihaven’tseenherinweeks.”

“Meneither,”Rochellesaid.

“Good for her,” Zeke said. “That must have been a really nasty cold.” He turned back to Rae.

“Whendidyougetback?”

Raeseemedrevoltedbytheattentionhewasgivingher.IfIdidn’tknowhowclosetheywere,I

wouldthinkshehatedhim.They’dbeeninthesameroomtogethersinceItoldherhowheusedtofeeland

shedidn’tbehavedifferentlythen,soIknewthathadnothingtodowiththis.“Yesterday.”

“Wasthehouseindisarray?”Zeketeased.

Raedidn’tgetthejokeatall.“Uh,no.”

Zeke’seyebrowsrose.“Everythingokay,Rae?”

“Yeah.” Her voice cracked when she spoke. “I think I’m coming down with whatever Kayden

had…”Shetouchedherthroatlikeshewaslookingforswelling.

“Icancheckyourlymphnodes…”Zekereachedacrossthetable.

Raepracticallyslappedhishandaway.“Don’ttouchme.”

Everyoneatthetablestilledattheharshnessinhervoice.

Jessiewastheonlyonewhodidn’tseemsurprised.“SoIcutthiskid’shairyesterdayandnearly

cutoffhisear.”

Welaunchedintoaconversationaboutthat,takingtheattentionoffRae.ButIcertainlydidn’tstop

thinkingaboutit.Jessietoldusaboutherrestlessclientandthentalkedaboutthishotguyshehadright

afterhim.RochellecozieduptoZekeandpressedherfacerightagainsthisneck,cuddlingwithhimlike

theywereathome.Zeketurnedtoher,smiled,andthengaveherasmallkissonthelips.

That’swhenRaenearlypushedme.“Getup,Rex.Ineedtogotothebathroom.”Shebossedme

aroundalot,butthetoneinhervoicewasdifferentthistime.Iimmediatelyobeyedbecauseitfeltlikelife

ordeath.

Raestormedofflikeshecouldn’tgetawayfastenough.

Jessiewatchedherwalkoffthencontinuedsharingheradventuresatworkeventhoughherstory

wasn’treallythatinteresting.Itseemedlikeshewastellingitjustforthesakeoftalking.

IsatdownandtriedtothinkofwhatcouldbebotheringRae—becausesomethingclearlywas.

“Rex,what’supwithRae?”Zekeaskedmepointblank.“Seemslikesomethingisreallybothering

her.DidsomethinghappeninNewYork?”

“NotthatIknowof.Butthenagain,shedoesn’ttellmejackshit.”Myangerseepedoutlikehot

wax.

Zekeclearlypickeduponthetensionbutdidn’taskaboutit.

Rochellespokenext.“Maybesomeoneshouldcheckonher—”

“I’lldoit.”Jessieimmediatelyslidtomysideoftheboothsoshecouldgetout.

Mypatiencewaswaning,andnowIreallywantedtogettothebottomofthis.Mysisterliedtome

aboutwhereshewasfortendays,andnowshewasactingstrangealloveragain.Whatwasthebigdeal?

Wasshepregnant?DidDadcontacther?Whatcoulditpossiblybethatshewouldn’ttellme?“No.I’m

gonnacheckonher.”

“Igotit,”Jessiesaidquickly.“I’mherbestfriend—”

“And I’m her brother.” I slid out of the booth and marched to the bathroom, doing my best to

ignoreKaydenflirtingwiththeguyatthebar.Shewasbackonherfeetandreadytomingle,andIhadn’t

evenaskedawomanoutyet.

Iwalkedtothehallwaywherethebathroomswere,andfortunately,therewasn’taline.Iopened

the door to the girl’s bathroom because I knew that’s where she would be. As I expected, Rae was

standinginfrontofthemirror.Shegrippedeithersideofthesinkandstaredatthedrain.

Andshewascrying.

Shewasn’tsobbing.Onlyafewtearsleakedfromthecornerofhereyesanddrippeddownher

face.Sheconcentratedonherbreathingandkeptherselfcalm.Shewasabombabouttoexplode,andshe

was doing everything she could to remain steady. When she heard the door shut, she looked at my

reflectioninthemirror.

Andherlookchangedtopanic.“Whatthehellareyoudoinginhere?”

WhateverrageIhadwasgonewhenIsawRaecry.I’dhardlyeverseenhershedatear.Insteadof

givingintoherpain,sheheldherheadhighandremainedstrong.Whatevermadeherbreakdownlikethis

washuge.Ithadtobe.“Iwantedtoseeifyouwereokay…”

“I’m fine.” She snatched a paper towel from the dispenser and quickly dabbed the water that

seepedunderhereyes.“Ihavereallybadallergiesthistimeofyear.”

ItwasbullshitandIknewit.Sheknewittoo.

Icameclosertoherthenleanedagainstthewall.Icrossedmyarmsovermychestandstaredat

her, not caring we were standing in the middle of the women’s restroom. Thankfully, no one else was

inside.“Rae,whatthehellisgoingon?First,youlietomeaboutbeinginNewYorkfortendays,and

nowyou’reanemotionalwreck.”

Hereyessnappedopen,andthelookshegavemewasfullofutterfear.“What?”

“Yes,Iknowyouweren’treallyinNewYork.Youliedtome—again.ButI’mpreparedtoletthat

goifyougivemeadamngoodreasonwhy.”

ItwasclearIknewthetruthsoshedidn’ttrytolieherwayoutofit.“Howdidyouknow?”

“IwentoutwithTobiasandsawyouwithRyker.”

Herfaceturnedpale.

“Pleasetellmeyouaren’twithhimagain.”

Shestaredatthedrainagain.“No.”

“Thenwhatwasthatabout?”

Shesighedandclosedhereyesforamoment,gatheringheranswer.“HerealizedIwasstayingat

thehotelacrossthestreetfromCOLLECT.SohefollowedmeandaskedmewhyIwaslivingoutofa

suitcase.Wegotadrinkandtalkedaboutit.Thatwasit.”

At least she wasn’t seeing him again. That was something to be grateful for. “Why were you

stayingatahoteltobeginwith?”

Sheclosedhereyeslikeshedidn’twanttoanswerme.

“Rae,you’regoingtogivemeasufficientanswer.Otherwise,I’mgoingtomakeyourlifealiving

hell.”

Shestillwouldn’tanswerme.“Rex,Iunderstandyou’remad.ButI’mnotreadytotalkaboutwhy

IliedaboutNewYork.Please…justbepatientwithme.”

“No.”I’dneverbeenapatientman.“Andwhyareyoucryingrightnow?Whydidyoustormoff

intothebathroom?Whatdidanyonesaythatwouldbotheryousomuch—”Istoppedinmidsentencewhen

the answer dawned on me. Right before Rae got up, Zeke kissed Rochelle. And before that, Rae and

JessiewerebeingweirdaboutRochelle.DidIjustfigureitout?“Zeke.”

Shestraightenedandletgoofthesink.

“Holyfuckingshit!YoulikeZeke!”IgrippedmyscalpbecauseIcouldn’tbelievethetruthI’djust

uncovered.Itwastheonlythingthatmadesense,ascrazyasitsounded.

Andshedidn’tdenyit.“Keepyourvoicedown.”

“How?”Idemanded.“Whendidthisstart?”

“Idon’tknow…afewweeksago.”

My heart was beating harder than horse hooves against the earth. “I can’t believe this…but it

doesn’texplainwhyyouliedaboutNewYork.”

Shedabbedhereyesagainuntiltheyweredry.Thenshetossedthetowelinthetrash.“Look,Ijust

needed some space. Since you live with me, he always comes by. I needed some time to stop thinking

abouthim.Iwasn’tgoingtoachievethatifhewasalwayssittingonmycouch.So…Itriedtogetaway.”

“Whyareyoutryingtogetoverhim?”

“BecauseofRochelle,youidiot.”

Iignoredtheunfairinsultbecauseshewasjustupset.

“She’sareallyniceperson,andZekeiscrazyabouther.YouthinkIdon’tfeellikeshitforlooking

athimlikethis?Hehasagirlfriend.Ishouldn’tbefeelingthisway.It’swrongonsomanylevels.Irefuse

to be that kind of person. He belongs to Rochelle, and I’m a bitch for dreaming about him, for thinking

abouthimallthetime…”

“Youdreamabouthim?”

Shedidn’telaborateonthatpart.

AndIsuspectedwhy.Amomentofawkwardnesspassedbetweenus.

“Ithoughtitwasjustaphysicalcrush,andifIdidn’tseehimforawhile,Iwouldstopthinking

abouthim.”

“AndIguessthatdidn’twork?”

“No.SeeinghimkissRochellerightnowjustmademe…feelterrible.”

IneverthoughtRaewouldhavefeelingsforZeke,buthereshewasconfessingherbrokenheart

overamanshecouldn’thave.“Thisisunbelievable.DidyoufeelthiswayafterItoldyouhowheusedto

feel?”

“No.Ifeltthiswaybefore.I’mnotexactlysurewhyorwhen…butwhenyoutoldmehowheused

tofeel,itjustmadeeverythingworse.”

Thiswasjuicyenoughtobeasoapopera.“So…areyouinlovewithhim?”

“Idon’tknow…That’sastrongthingtosay.Butthesefeelingsareundeniable.Andthey’rekilling

me.”

IfZekeknewthis,hewouldpassout.“Youshouldtellhim.”

Sheimmediatelyturnedvicious.“Don’tberidiculous.”

“I’mserious,Rae.Afterthewayhefeltaboutyou,he’dbeoverthemoonaboutthis.”Hetoldme

word-for-word he could see himself settling down with Rae. That wasn’t something you just said to

anybody.

“Aren’tyouforgettingsomeone?”Sheturnedherhatefullookonme.“Rochelle?Thewomanhe

loves?”

“Yeah,but—”

“Butnothing.He’smovedonwithsomeoneelse.AndRochelleisgreat.Imissedmychancewhen

IdatedRyker.That’stheendofthestory.”

“Rochellehasnothingonyou,Rae.”

“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”

“Iknowhefeltdifferentlywithyouthanhedoeswithher.”

Raeshookherhead.“Youcan’tmakeanassumptionlikethat.Andevenifyou’reright,itdoesn’t

matter.Thatwasinthepast.Nowwe’reinthepresent,andinthepresent,he’sbeendatingRochellefor

sixmonths.”

“Hecoulddateherforalifetimeandstillnotfeelwhathedidwithyou.”

Hereyessoftenedforjustaninstantbeforetheyhardenedagain.“Rex,itdoesn’tmatter.I’mnot

tellinghim.”

“But—”

“I love him and would never do that to him. Do you have any idea what kind of position that

would put him in? It would just confuse him. And if it didn’t confuse him because he’s in love with

Rochelle,whichheis,itwouldjuststrainourrelationship.Rochellewouldn’tlikemeanymore,notthatI

couldblameher,andshewouldn’twantZeketobearoundmeatall.It’sgotdisasterwrittenalloverit.”

Shemadeuphermindandclearlywasn’tgoingtochangeit.AndIwasn’tgoingtotellherabout

Zeke’supcomingproposal.Thatwouldjustmakeherfeelworse.“Thenwhat’sthealternative?”

“I’llgetoverhim.”Shelookedinthemirrorlikeshewastryingtoconvinceherselfofwhatshe

justsaid.“I’llstartdatingagainandtrytofindagoodguy.MaybeI’llfindsomeonesogreatI’llforget

aboutZekealtogether.”

Ialreadyknewthatplanwouldn’twork.“Ireallythinkyoushouldtellhim.”

“Well,Idon’tagree.”

“Letmeaskyouthis.”Ileanedagainstthewallagainandwatchedher.“Whenyouwerestartingto

see Ryker, would you rather have known Zeke had feelings for you? Do you wish he would have told

you?”

Shelookedintomyeyes,thelookexpressionless.

“Doyou?”Ipressed.

“Idon’tknow…”

“Rykerendedupbeingabig,fatmistake.MaybeZekewouldhavesavedyoutime.”

“Rochelleisn’tanassholelikeRykeris.AndIhadnoideawhatwasgoingtohappenwithRyker.

There’snowaytopredictwhatIwouldhavedone.”

“Butyoumighthavedonesomethingdifferentlyifyouhadallthefactsupfront.”

“Maybe…butIdidn’thavefeelingsforhimbackthen.”

“Butifyou’dknownhowhefelt,youmighthave.”

Sheleanedagainsttheoppositewallandcrossedherarmsoverherchest.“Wecanplaywhat-if

all day long, but that’s not going to change anything. I’m not telling him, Rex. Rochelle is wonderful. I

couldn’tcallmyselfafriendifIdidanythingtojeopardizetheirrelationship.”

Ifthiswereanyothersituation,I’dprobablyagreewithher.Butitwasn’t.ZekeandRaeweretwo

peoplewhoweresomuchalike,itwasfreaky.EvenIcouldpicturethemspendingtherestoftheirlives

together,beinghappyandnerdyeverysingleday.AndIdefinitelywasn’ttheromantictype.

“YoubetternottellZekeanyofthis.”

Iheldhergaze.

“Imeanit,Rex.It’snotyourplace.”

All I could think about was how quickly Zeke rushed into this thing with Rochelle. He even

admittedhedidn’tstartdatingherfortherightreasons.AndIsuspectedhedidn’twanttomarryherfor

therightreasonseither.Somethingfeltoffwithherfromthebeginning.“Okay.”

“Thankyou.”Raeleanedherheadagainstthewallandlookedupatthefluorescentlights.“Idon’t

wanttogobackoutthere.Idon’twanttositthereandpretendI’mhavingagoodtimewhilehestickshis

tonguedownherthroat.”

Ididn’twanttogooutthereeither.Kaydenwouldstillbehittingonthatguy,andthey’dhavea

fewlaughs as theydowned their drinks.Or maybe they wouldn’teven be outthere anymore. Maybe he

alreadytookherhome.

Whatashittynight.

***

Icouldn’tdecidewhattodo.

ApartofmewantedtospillthebeanstoZeke.HeshouldknowthathehadachancewithRaeif

hestillwantedit.Anditdidn’tseemlikeRaejustlikedhim.Itwasalotmorethanthat.Strongenoughto

makeherliveinahotelfortendayssoshewouldn’tthinkabouthim.

ButIalsofeltlikeadickforsayinganything.Raeaskedmetokeepittomyself,andRochellewas

theoneabouttogetscrewedover.Shewasanicepersonwhodidn’tdeservetogetherheartbroken.But

atthesametime,thatwasjusthowlifewas.Sometimesyougothurt.

And then I might ruin something great for Zeke. His relationship with Rochelle would probably

workout.Healreadyboughtthering,askedherfatherforpermission,andplannedhisproposal.IfItold

himthetruth,itwouldjustscreweverythingup.

And he and Rae might not last forever. It could be a short-term thing before they realized they

werebetteroffasfriends.

Zekemightlosesomeonehewasperfectlyhappywith.

Icouldn’tdecide.

EverytimeImadeonedecision,Iswitchedbackover.AndjustwhenIfinalizedmyplans,anew

thoughtpoppedintomymindtomakemechangedirection.

Iwishedsomeonewouldjusttellmewhattodo.

Rae parked her rear on the couch for the next week. She went to work, came home, and did

absolutelynothing.Shedidn’tjogthroughtheparkwithSafarioreventakecareoftheapartment.Sheleft

herdirtydishesinthesinkandonlydidlaundrywhensheranoutofclothestowear.

Itwasweird.

Ididn’tlikethissideofRae.Thisdirtyandmessyone.NowIunderstoodwhylivingwithmewas

soinsufferable.

“Youdoingokay?”IfinallygottothepointwhereIneededtoaskher.Sheprobablywantedthe

space,butsinceIlivedthere,itwasimpossibletogiveittoher.

“I’mfine.”ShepulledablanketoverherlapandreadonherKindle.

“Youdon’tseemfine.”

“I’vejustbeentiredlately…”

“Well, there’re no groceries in the fridge, no clean dishes in the cabinets, and this place hasn’t

beenvacuumedinoveraweek.”

Shedidn’thavetheenergytobeasmartass.“Whatever.”

Damn,thiswasworsethanIthought.“WhatwasitliketalkingtoRyker?”

Sheshrugged.“He’sprettydepressedoverhisfather.Hisplayfulpersonalityiscompletelygone.I

feelterribleforhim…”

“Yeah,Idotoo.”IwouldalwayshatehimforwhathedidtoRae,butIdidpityhimforlosinga

parent.WhenRaeandIlostourmom,weweredevastated.Andthenourfatherleftalongtimeago,sohis

absencefeltevenmorereal.

“Butintime,he’llgetbetter.Weallfalldown.Ittakessometimetogetbackup.”

“Yeah…”

Her hair was in a messy bun, and she wore the same pajamas she’d been wearing all week.

WheneverZekewantedtohangout,Imadesurewedidstuffoutsidetheapartmentsoshewouldn’thave

toseehim.Butinthebackofmymind,Icouldn’tstoppicturingarealitywheretheyweredating.Zeke

wouldbehereallthetime,andtheywouldbothbewithpeoplewhoweregoodenoughforeachother.

Theywouldbehappy,andIwouldn’thavetoseeRaedepressedonthecoucheverysingleday.

ButifItoldZekethetruth,wouldhepickRochelle?

OrwouldhepickRae?

***

“Everythingalright?”Zekesatacrossfrommeanddugintohishotwings.Wejustfinishedagame

ofbasketball,whichIlosthorribly.

Mymindwasn’tinthegame.IkeptthinkingaboutthecriticalinformationthatIheld.WouldIbea

badfriendifIdidn’ttellhim?OrwouldIbeabadfriendifIdidtellhim?Eitherway,Ilost.“Justgota

lotonmymind.”

“Likewhat?”

“Justworkandstuff…”

“IsRaedoingbetter?Shewasreallyweirdatthebarlastweek.”

“Yeah…it’sthattimeofthemonth.”

Zeketookmywordforitandreturnedtoeatinghishotwings.HiseyesmovedtotheTVscreenin

thecorner.

“So…plansarestillunderwaytopropose?”

“Yeah.Ican’tbelieveI’llbeengagedinaweek.Prettycrazy,huh?”

“Yeah…”ZekeseemedhappywhenIaskedhimsoitwasprobablybestifIdidn’ttellhim.Butif

Ichangedmymindlater,itwouldbeworse.IfItoldhimwhilehewasengagedtoRochelle,thenIreally

would be a bad friend. “It is crazy.” Especially since he’d only been seeing this woman for like six

months.

Zeke detected my tone again. “I hate asking more than once, but it seems like something is up.

You’vebeenagrouchallweek.”

“I’m not a grouch,” I snapped. I’d just had a lot on my mind. I kept wondering if Kayden went

homewiththatguy.Ontopofthat,Ihadthisstupidromancesituationwithmysistertoworryabout.IfI

didn’tdosomethingaboutit,nothingwouldeverhappen.

“You’re definitely a grouch. You’ve been weird, Rae has been weird, Jessie has been weird…

evenKaydenhasbeenweird.IgettheimpressionyouallknowsomethingIdon’t.”

MaybehewasmoreobservantthanIgavehimcreditfor.

“Areyougoingtoleavemehangingorwhat?”

Ithoughtitwasironicthatweweregoingtohavethisconversationnow,atthesamejointwhere

hetoldmehewasgoingtoaskRaeout.Actually,wewereatthesametabletoo,totopitoff.“Alright,

somethingisup…”

Zekewipedthesauceoffhisfingersandgavemehisfullattention.

“It’s a big deal, and I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve debated telling you this all week.

Eitherway,I’mabadfriend.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“I’majackassfortellingyouthis.ButI’malsoajackassifIdon’t.”

“Wow…thisshouldbeinteresting.”Herestedhiselbowsonthetable.“Layitonme.”

“Okay…”Heregoesnothing.“WhenRaestormedofflastweek,Ifollowedherintothebathroom

tocheckonher.Andthat’swhenshetoldmewhat’sbeenupwithherlately.”

Zekedidn’tblinkashestaredmedown.

“Basically,shetoldmeshehasfeelingsforyou.Shedidn’tactuallygotoNewYork.Shestayedat

ahotelnearworkjustsoshecouldhaveabreakfromyou,toseeifshecouldgetoveryou.Andwhenyou

andRochellewerebeinglovey-doveyatthebar,shewentintothebathroomandshedafewtears…”

Zekedidn’treactatall.Stillasastatue,hetookinthewordswithoutreallyprocessingthem.He

seemed to be in shock. After nearly a minute of silence, his lips finally moved. “I… What… I don’t

understand.”Hisfacefinallyslackenedasalltheemotionshithimatonce.“Raehasfeelingsforme?”

Inodded.

“Me?”Hepointedathischest.

Inoddedagain.

Hiseyeswidenedincredulously.“Shesaidthosewords?”

“Yes.Shesaidshe’sbeendreamingaboutyouandcan’tstopthinkingaboutyou.”

“I…”Hefellspeechlessalloveragainandleanedbackinthechair.Heranhisfingersthroughhis

hair,shocked.“When?”

I knew what he was really asking. “A few weeks ago. She says she doesn’t remember exactly

whenherfeelingsstarted.Andthen…Rochelletoldheryouusedtohavefeelingsforher.”

“Shedidwhat?”hesnapped.

“And when Rae heard that…her feelings intensified. Now it’s hard for her to be around you

guys…forobviousreasons.Shefeelsguiltybecauseyou’reseeingRochelleandshehasnorighttofeel

thisway.ShereallylikesRochelleandwantsthingstoworkoutbetweenyou.”

“SheknowshowIfeelabouther?”

Icouldn’tignorethetenseheused.“Yeah.Shecametomeaskingquestions,andIbasicallytold

hereverything.”Iknewhewouldn’tgetmadatme.IonlydiditbecauseRochellespilledthebeansfirst.

“Ican’tbelievethis…”Heranhisfingersthroughhishairagain,unabletositstillforevenafew

seconds.

“Ican’tbelieveiteither.”

“Whydidn’tshetellmeherself?Raeisn’tshy.”

“Because you’re seeing Rochelle. She never wants to come between you two. She respects

Rochelle.”

“Soshehasnoideayou’retellingmethis?”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t going to tell you because you’re proposing to Rochelle next week.

But…IalsothoughtitwouldbeamistakeifIdidn’ttellyou.IknowhowyouusedtofeelaboutRae,andI

thoughtyoushouldhavealltheinformationupfrontbeforeyoudoanything.I’msorryifI’veconfusedyou

ormessedthingsup…I’mnotgoodatthissortofthing.”

“No.I’mgladyoutoldme.”Herestedhiselbowsonthetableagain.

Iwaitedforhimtosaysomethingelse,totellmehe’dmadeadecisionaboutwhattodo.

Butheremainedquiet.

SoIsatthereawkwardly.

Zekelookedacrosstherestaurantandranhisfingersthroughhishairagain.

“Whatareyouthinking?”

“Idon’tknow…”

Isippedmybeerandwaitedforhimtoformcoherentthoughts.

“I’vealwayswantedRae.She’sexactlywhatIwantinapartner.Ican’tcountthenumberoftimes

I’vebeenwithherandIjustwantedtograbherandkissher.”

Istoppedmyselffrommakingadisgustedface.

“I’ve been into her for three years, on and off. When I pictured myself getting married, it was

alwaystoher.She’sthemostincrediblewomanI’veevermet.She’sgorgeous,smart,outgoing,humble

and…goddamnperfect.”

IdrankmybeeragainjustsoIhadsomethingtodo.

“ButIhaveRochellenow.Andshe’spretty,smart,outgoing,andhasalotofothergreatqualities.

Wehavealotincommonbecauseshe’sadoctor,andshecomesfromafamilyofdoctors.She’ssweet

andneverhasabadthingtosayaboutanyone.Idon’thaveasinglecomplaint.”

“That’srough…”

Hesighedthencoveredhisface.“Butshe’snotRae…”

DidthatmeanwhatIthoughtitmeant?

“But I already bought the ring, planned the dinner, and talked to her parents…” He dragged his

handdownhisfaceandsighedagain.“Iprettymuchalreadycommittedtoher.Iwasplanningonasking

hertomoveinwithmerightaway.Everythingisplannedandreadytogo…”

I held my tongue and didn’t say anything. I couldn’t make this decision for him even though the

answerwasobvious.“Whatareyougoingtodothen?”

“Idon’tfuckingknow,Rex.”

MaybeIshouldn’thavesaidanything.“Icanonlyimaginehowdifficultthisisforyou.Butatleast

youhavetwobeautifulwomenwholoveyou.”Iforcedachucklebutitdiedinmythroat.

“Nothingisfunnyaboutthis.Eitherway,Ihurtsomeone.”

“Rae doesn’t count. She was the one who chose to have feelings for you while you had a

girlfriend.SoifyoudostaywithRochelle,don’tfeelbadforRae.”

“I’llalwaysfeelbadanytimeRaeisinpain.”

Nowthechoicewasevenmoreobvious.

Herosefromhischair.“I’vegottogo…Ineedsometimetothink.”

“Okay.Goodluck.”

Hethrewsomecashonthetablewithadefeatedlookinhiseyes.“Thanks.I’mgonnaneedit.”

ChapterTen

Rae

Iwasn’teatingenoughandmyjeansstartedtofeelloose.I’dalwayswantedtolosealittleextra

weight, but I knew my current approach wasn’t healthy because I simply wasn’t eating. Every time I

thoughtaboutZekekissingRochelle,Iwantedtothrowup.

Iwasahorrible,horribleperson.

Onmylunchbreak,Idecidedtowalkdownthestreetandheadtothecafé.Today,Iwasgoingto

forcemyselftohaveareasonablelunch.Thelackoffoodslowedmymetabolismwaydown,andIfelt

sluggishallthetime.Ididn’thaveenoughstaminatocarryoutprojectswithoutfeelingexhausted.

I stood in line and stared at the menu, trying to find something appetizing. My stomach didn’t

rumble like it usually did by ten in the morning, but I’d have to pick something—anything. The Kickin’

BlueChickensoundedprettygood.MaybeI’dgetthat.

“Hey.”Thatbeautifulandmasculinevoicecameintomyear,soundingsoothinglikeawaterfall.

Butitalsobroughtmecompletemisery.Mypulsepickedup,andIsuddenlyfeltweak.

Iturned to faceZeke. He waswearing his blue scrubs,looking muscular andtoned in the loose

fabric.Hisblueeyesstoodoutagainsthisclothing,andhiscleanlyshavenjawlookednice.Hismouth

waskissable—likealways.“Oh,hey…”Iforcedmyselftosoundenthusedbutitstillonlycameouthalf-

assed.ThelastthingIneededwastocomeface-to-facewiththemanIcouldn’thave.

Helookedintomyeyeswithouthisusualfriendliness.Infact,heseemeddown.Therewasn’ta

springinhissteporeventhehintofanupcomingsmile.“Hey.”Herepeatedhimselflikehedidn’tgreet

meinthefirstplace.

ThelinemovedupsoItookastepforward.“Gettinglunch?”Ourconversationdidn’tflowwell

likeitusedto.Now,itwasjusttenseandawkward.Butthathadtojustbemyperceptionofwhatwas

happening.Youknow,becauseIwasstupidlyhunguponhim.

“Yeah. The schedule cleared up so I get to eat again.” He chuckled but it wasn’t sincere

whatsoever.

“Oh,yeah.Gladthatworkedout.”Itookanotherstepforwardwhenthelinemoved.

Hestoodbesideme,keepingafewfeetbetweenus.“Whatareyougetting?”

“Numbertwelve.”

“IguessI’llgetthattoo.”

When we reached the register, we both ordered together. Zeke tried to pay, like always, but I

threw my cash at the employee. Normally, Zeke would pull some stunt so I wouldn’t have to pay for

anything,butthistime,hedidn’tfightitatall.Itwasalmostlikehewantedmetopayformyself.

Wegrabbedourfoodandsattogetheratatable.

“Youknow,ifyouneedtogetbacktowork,youdon’tneedtoeatwithme…”Iwaslookingfor

anyexcusetogetridofhim.HowcouldIsitacrossfromthemanofmydreamsandnotstareathimwith

desperation?WhenIwasthisclosetohim,Ipicturedthosearmswrappedtightlyaroundme.Andhislips

werepressedagainstmine,softandaggressive.Ifantasizedaboutthosestronghandsrunningthroughmy

hairandgrippingmebythebackoftheneck.Iimaginedhowhispowerfulchestwouldfeelagainstmine

whenhewasontopofmeandthrustingintome,sweatdrippingdownhisfrontjustlikeitdidwhenwe

played ball together. I pictured him making love to me and telling me he loved me—just like in my

dreams.

“Iwanttoeatwithyou.”

Hiswordssnappedmeoutofmydaydream.“Oh…cool.”

The awkward silence descended again. Zeke kept looking at me during our meal, staring at me

moreoftenthanhenormallydid.Heatehisfoodatamuchslowerratethanusual.Heseemedtobeas

uncomfortablearoundmeasIwasaroundhim.

IatehalfofmysandwichbecausethatwasallIcouldmanage.IstillhadfifteenminutesbeforeI

had to head back to the lab, but I wanted to call it early. Being this close to him was torture, not

pleasurable.“Ishouldheadback.I’llseeyouaround.”

“Yeah,Ishouldgetgoingtoo.”Hedidn’tgetupfromhisseat.

Imovedfirstandgrabbedmytray.“Uh…seeyoulater.”

“Yeah.Haveagoodday.”Hestaredatmehard,notblinkingashelookedatme.

Whenthegazebecametoomuch,Iturnedaway.Itossedmygarbagethenpiledthetrayontopof

thecabinet.Icouldfeelhisstareburnintomybacktheentiretime.EvenwhenIlefttherestaurant,Icould

stillfeelit.Itwasn’tuntilIwasbackinthelabthatIfinallyfeltfreeofhispresence.

Buteventhen,myheartwouldneverfeelfree.

ChapterEleven

Rex

Ineedtotalktoyou.

IsawZeke’smessageandimmediatelyknewwhatitwasabout.I’mhomerightnow.

MeetmeatMegaShakeinfifteenminutes.

Okay.Itwouldn’tbeagreatideatohavethisconversationwhileRaewasinherbedroom.

I left the apartment without saying goodbye to her and headed down to the burger joint. When I

arrived,hewasalreadythere.Hehadourfoodplacedinfrontofhimontwotrayssinceheknewexactly

whatIliked.

Isatacrossfromhimbutdidn’ttakeasinglefry.“What’sup?”

Zekelookedemptyanddepressed,likehelosteverythingthatmatteredtohim.Ihadn’tseenhim

thislowsincehisnanadied.“IbrokeupwithRochelle.”

Itensedinmychair,feelingchillsentermybody.“Youdid?”

Henodded.“Itsucked,man.Itwastorture.Shecried…”

IknewhowmuchshelovedZekejustbywatchingthemtogether.Itdidn’tsurprisemethatwasher

reaction.

“Shewasdevastated.”Heshookhisheadwithself-loathing.

“Whatdidyoutellher?”

“I told her we had a great time together, but I just didn’t feel the same way anymore…which is

true.SinceyoutoldmeaboutRae,Ihaven’tevenbeenabletokissRochelle.Ifelttooguilty.”

“Guiltyinwhatway?”

“Guilty that I’m seriously debating between two different women,” he said coldly, in regards to

himself.“Rochelledoesn’tdeservethat.She’sanamazingperson.”

I knew Rochelle was going to get hurt eventually. I’d foreseen it when Zeke moved their

relationshipatlightningspeed.Hewasinahurrytogettothefinishline,andRochellewentalongwithit.

“Icouldbarelytouchherhand.Icouldn’tevengethard.”

“Stressdoesalottothebody…”

“All I could think about was what it would be like to be with Rae. But then I realized I was

wrong.IwaswithRochellefirst,andIwasevenhappywithher.Icouldbehappywithherfortherestof

my life. So I decided to just forget Rae and stick with Rochelle. But then…I ran into Rae on my lunch

break.”

“Oh…”

“Andwedidn’tsaymuchtoeachotherbut…Icouldfeelit.”

“What?”

“I could feel the chemistry, the desperation. I could feel the need to be together. I could see the

sadnessinhereyesthatshecouldn’thaveme.And…IrealizedIneededtobewithRae.Evenifitdoesn’t

workout,I’llregretnotknowingifIdon’tatleasttry.WhateverRaehas…it’sspecial.Rochelleisgreat

andperfectbut…shedoesn’thavewhateveritisRaehas.”

That’ssomedeepshit.

“IfeellikeanassholeforwhatI’vedonetoRochelle.EvenwhenIbrokeupwithher,IknewI

shouldn’t do it. But I couldn’t stop myself. The second you told me about Rae, my body came to life. I

don’tjustwanther.ButIneedher.It’salwaysbeenher…”

“So…whenareyougoingtotalktoher?”

“Notforawhile,”hesaidquickly.“IjustbrokeupwithRochelle,andIstillloveher.Ineedsome

timetogetoverourrelationshipbeforeIcanmoveon.Ican’tjustjumpintobedwithRae.AsmuchasI

wantto,itwouldn’tfeelright.Besides,Raedeservestobetheonlywomaninmyheart.AndRochelle

deservessomerespect.IfsheknewIsleptwithRaethenextday….itwouldkillher.”

Inoddedinagreement.“Iseewhatyoumean.”

“So…I’mjustgonnachillforawhile.”

Whenthedustsettledandthetwoofthemfinallystartedtheirrelationship,Iknewthingswould

get better. Right now, the two people closest to me were absolutely miserable. But in time, that would

pass.

Theyjusthadtobepatient.

ChapterTwelve

Rae

“LookatallthephonenumbersIgot.”Kaydensatdownintheboothandcountedoutfifteenphone

numberswrittenonnapkins.

Myeyesnearlypoppedout.

Jessiepressedherhandagainstherchestandgasped.“Shit,girl.”

“Yougotallofthose?”Iheldupthepileinmyhandthensortedthroughthem.

“Yep,”Kaydensaidproudly.

“Tonight?”Iaskedincredulously.

“Yep,”Kaydensaidagain.“Ihavesomesweetmoves…”

“Idon’tknowifIthinkyou’reawesomeorjustaslut,”Jessiesaid.

“Oh,I’mtotallyaslut,”Kaydensaid.“Butanawesomeone.IthinkI’mgoingtocallupthisguy

first.”Shepointedatthenapkinontop.“He’sreallyfine.”

I’dneverseenKaydenhitonaguy,letalonelandfifteennumbers.Jessiewasthemostoutgoingof

thethreeofus,andsheneverscoredthatmanyguysinasinglenight.“Well…goodforyou.Lookslike

you’rerecoveringfromthatcoldprettywell.”

“I’m totally over that cold,” she said with venom. “That cold is in the past, and I’m a new

woman.”Shescannedtheroomandsethereyesonanewtarget.“Excuseme,Ihaveabulltoride.”She

flippedherhairoveroneshoulderandstruttedtotheguyshelaideyeson.

Jessie looked at me, still in shock. “Congrats to her but…” She couldn’t finish her sentence

becauseshedidn’tknowwhattosay.

“It’snotlikeher,huh?”

“Notatall.Shewentfromseeingaguymaybeonceeveryfewmonthstoseeinganewoneevery

night.”

“Iknow…”

“I don’t know if we should be worried or not. I mean, she’s a big girl who can take care of

herself.”

“You’re right, she is. I just hope she’s not jumping the gun and taking on more than she can

handle.” Maybe she had a sudden boost of self-confidence after she recovered from her illness. She

probablyhadcabinfeverfrombeingcoopedupforsolong,andnowshewasreadytospringtolife.“I’m

sureit’sfineandwe’rejustoverthinkingit.”

Jessiedownedherdrinkthenchangedthesubject.“So…RexknowsaboutZeke?”

“Itoldhim.”

“Andhetookitwell?”

“Hewassurprisedbutdidn’tsaymuchelse.”

“Hewouldn’ttellZeke,right?”

“No.”Iwasn’tworriedaboutthat.Hewouldn’tbeagoodfriendtoZekeifhedid.“Thatwouldn’t

helpanyone.”

“WashemadyouliedaboutNewYork?”

“Notreally.OnceIexplainedwhy,Ithinkheunderstood.”

“He’dhavetobeheartlessnotto.”

“Yeah.IsawZeketheotherdaywhenIwasonmylunchbreak…Thatwasawkward.”

“Why?”sheasked.

“I just felt…different. It’s probably just me but he wasn’t very talkative either. It didn’t feel the

wayitusedto.Iguessmehavingfeelingsforhimhastotallyscrewedmeupinthehead.”

Shenoddedinagreement.“Itmakesyouseethingsthataren’treallythere.”

“Yeah,true.”

“Well,I’msureyou’llgetoverhimeventually.Youjustneedtogetundersomeonenew.”

***

“Heads-up.Zekeiscomingover.”RexsatinfrontoftheTVwhileheplayedhisracinggameon

hisPS4.

“Whydon’tyouguysgoout?”

Heshrugged.

“Orgotohisplace?”

“Whydon’tyoujustgrowupandstopavoidinghim?”Hemadeasharpturnbutspunout.“He’s

yourfriendandshouldn’tbetreatedlikeacriminal.”

“I’mnottreatinghimlikeacriminal—”

“Thenbehisfriendagain,notthisweirdandawkwardchick.”

“Ugh.” I grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at his head. “You’re a pain in the ass

sometimes.”

“Allthetime,”hesaid.“Don’tsugarcoatit.”

TherewasaknockonthedoorbeforeZekewalkedinside.“It’sme.”

Myhairwasinabun,andIworeleggingswithabaggysweater.IfI’dknownhewascoming,I

wouldn’thavedressedlikeamess.“Hey.Rexisbeingapainintheass,likealways.”

Zekesetacaseofbeeronthecounterbeforehewalkedintothelivingroom.“IguessIcan’tsay

I’m surprised.” He stood on the opposite side of the couch and looked at me, his blue eyes full of

somethingthatcouldn’tbedescribed.

Istaredbackandsuddenlyfeltweightless,likehewassuckingmedeepintohiseyes.

Rexmusthavepickeduponitbecausehesuddenlyclearedhisthroat.“Itriedtobreakmyrecord

butRaemademecrash.Shescrewedthewholethingup.”

Zeke’seyesneverleftmyface.“Thatsucks,man.I’mgladIdon’tlivewithmysister.”

“Iwouldn’tmindlivingwithyoursister.”Hewaggledhiseyebrows.

Zekefinallybrokeeyecontactwithme.“Youwanttodie,man?”

“Comeon,”Rexsaid.“We’dhavebeautifulbabiestogether.”

Zekesmackedhimupsidetheheadbeforehesatonthecouch.“Whatdoyouwanttodotonight?”

Rexrubbedtheareawherehe’dbeenhit.“Hangoutattheemergencyroom,maybe?”

“Ifyouneedtoseeadoctorforthat,thenyoureallyareapussy,”Zekejabbed.

Isatontheothercouchandtriedtotuneouttheirbickering.

“MaybeI’llputyouintheemergencyroom,then,”Rexthreatened.

“Ohno,”Isaid.“IthinkIfeelapillowfightcomingon…”

Theybothturnedtome,theireyebrowsarchedinannoyance.

IshruggedthenturnedbacktotheTV.

“YouwannapickupMegaShakeandplaythatnewStarWarsgame?”Zekeasked.

“Notabadideaatall,”Rexsaid.“Letmetakeapissandgrabmysweater.”Rexwalkeddownthe

hallandshutthebathroomdoorbehindhim.

Nowthatitwasjustthetwoofus,Ifeltthatawkwardnessagain.SometimesIsworehefeltittoo,

but that had to be my imagination. He rested his hands on his thighs and his gaze looked into mine, the

jokingatmosphereevaporatinglikewateronahotpan.TheTVwasn’ton,soitwassilentintheroom.

EvenifZekeandIwerelockedinaroomtogether,wewouldusuallybeabletoentertainourselvesand

evenhavefun.Butnow,wedidn’tknowhowtotalktoeachother.

“How’sRochelle?”Ithoughtofthefirstthingthatcametomind,thewomaninhislife.Theywere

lovey-doveytogetherlastweek,andIwassurprisedhewasn’twithhernow,oratleastbroughtheralong.

“SheandIbrokeup,actually.”

IheardwhathesaidandknewIdidn’tgetitwrong.Itwasn’tjustwishfulthinkingandIimagined

hesaidallofthat.Itreallyhappened,andIalmostcouldn’tbelieveit.“Oh.Why?”LasttimeIchecked,

theywereperfectlyhappy.

Heshruggedwithasigh.“Itjustdidn’tworkout.Ididn’tthinkshewasrightforme.”Hegaveme

thatintensegazeagain,sayingmorewithhiseyesthanhismouth.

“Youbrokeupwithher?”

Henodded.

“Oh…I’msosorry.”

“Thanks.ButI’mokay.”

I continued to stare at him because I was still in shock. How did they go from being in love to

going their separate ways? “Did she do something?” Rochelle was always so thoughtful and nice. I

couldn’tpicturehermakingasinglewrongmove.

“No.” He shook his head. “I just realized we were going too fast, and I didn’t see it going

anywhere.Ithoughtitwasbesttoenditnowratherthanhurtinghermorelater.”

Hisvagueresponsestilldidn’tanswermyquestion.Therewassomethingmissing,butherefused

toconfideittome.Ileftmycouchandsatbesidehimontheothersideoftheroom,forgettingproximity.

MythightouchedhisbeforeIwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck.“I’msosorry.Iknowthismustbehard

foryou.”

Hepausedbeforehemovedhisarmsaroundmywaist.Hismusculararmsdugintomysidesashe

grippedmetightly.Hemovedhisfaceintomyneckandbreathednormally,hiscolognefloodingmynose

andmakingmethinkofpineneedles.“Thanks.”

Thehugfeltamazing,likeIwasrightathome.Icouldstaythereforeverandbaskinhisnatural

warmth. I wanted to run my hands down his back and feel the rippling muscle underneath his shirt. I

wantedtogetcompletelynakedandsnuggleunderthesheetsinmybed.Iwantedtowrapmylegsaround

hishipsandfeelhisstrengthpushmedownintothemattress.

Allthatwishfulthinkingmademefeelguilty.HejustbrokeupwithRochelle,andallIcouldthink

aboutwasgettinghiminmybedsoIcouldmakemydreamscometrue.Iforcedmyhandstounclaspfrom

aroundhisnecksoIcouldpullaway.

WhileIwantedhimforselfishreasons,Iwasmorecommittedtobeingagoodfriend.SoIsaid

somethingIdidn’treallywanttosay.“Areyousurethisistherightthingtodo?”WhenIlookedintohis

eyes,Isawhisblueirisesgluedtomyface.Hishandswerestillaroundmywaistandhisfingersslowly

loosened.“Rochellewasamazing,Zeke.She’sdefinitelythebestgirlyou’vebroughthome.Wealllove

her.Maybeyoushouldtakesometimetothinkaboutit.”

Hisvoicebarelycameoutaudible.“No.Idon’tneedtothinkaboutit.”

WhydidIfeellikehewasimplyingmorethanwhathewasreallysaying?

“Imadetherightdecision.Ihavenodoubts.”Hepulledhishandsawaysoweweren’ttouchingat

allanymore.“IadmitI’minpain,andI’llneedsometimetogetoverourrelationship.Rochellereallyis

agreatperson.ButIknowwhereIbelong—andit’snotwithher.”

HeseemedcertaininhisdecisionsoIdidn’tdoubthimanymore.“I’mhereifyouneedanything.

Evenifit’sjustsomeonetotalkto.”

Hiseyesnarrowedwithfondness.“Iknow.”

Itfinallyfeltthewayitusedto,whenwewerefriendswhowoulddoanythingforeachother.The

conversationflowednaturally,andIfeltlikeIwasspendingtimewithmybestfriend.“WhenRykerandI

brokeup,Ididn’treallytalktoanyoneaboutit.Ijusttriednottothinkabouthim.Andoneday,Ifinally

stoppedthinkingabouthim.”

Henodded.“I’lltrythat.ButIdon’tthinkRochelleandIhadtheintenserelationshipthetwoof

youhad.”

“Iguess…”

Henoticedmyhesitation.“Doyoustillthinkabouthim?”

“No.” The answer flew from my mouth like a bullet. Ever since I had these feelings for Zeke, I

hadn’tthoughtaboutanyoneelse.Ihadn’tevencheckedoutanotherguy.WhenIsawRykerafewweeks

ago,allIfeltwaspityforhim.Ididn’twanthimtoholdmeorkissme.Mythighsdidn’tpresstogetherin

longing. He was just a man I used to love. “I saw him the other day, and I didn’t feel anything. It’s

strange.”

“Whendidyouseehim?”

Imadeupaquicklie.“Afterwork.Weleftthebuildingatthesametime.”Itwaspartiallytrue.

“Wetalkedforalittlebit,andheseemedreallyupsetabouthisfather.Hesaidafewthingsabouthim,but

thenhedidn’tsayanythingelse.ButIcouldtellbyhissilencehewasreallystruggling.I’dneverseenhim

down like that. He’s usually making jokes and sexual innuendos around the clock. I felt bad for him…

wantedtomakehimfeelbetter.Butthatwasit.Nothingmore.”

ZekestaredatmeintentlyashelistenedtoeverywordIsaid,hangingontoeverysentence.

“It’s hard to believe I was ever in love with him. It’s hard to believe I’m over him. It’s just…

strange.”

“Iunderstandwhatyoumean.”

“Whilethingsendedsobadly,Idon’tregretwhatwehad.AndIstillrememberourrelationship

withfondnessdespitethewayhebrokemyheart.I’mjustgratefulI’mnotbitteraboutit,thatIcanlookat

himandseeagoodperson.”

“Becausethat’swhoyouare,Rae.Youalwaysseethegoodinpeople.”

Mylipsautomaticallysmiledatthecompliment.“Thanks…”

“That’swhatIloveaboutyou.”

Thewordheusedmademeshiverfrommyheadtomytoes.Iunderstoodthecontextoftheword,

butIcouldn’thelpwishingitwasusedinadifferentway.ItwaspainfullyobviousthatIwasheadover

heelsforZeke,notjustcrushingonhim.Iwasn’tsurehowitgotthisbad.Slowly,itgotworseandworse

untilIrealizedhowdeepIwas.“AndIloveeverythingaboutyou.”

***

“HebrokeupwithRochelle?”Jessienearlyknockedoverherglassonthetablewhenshethrew

herarmsintotheair.“Areyouserious?”

“He’ssingle?”Kayden’shairwasdoneinbeautifulcurlsandsheworeadressthatwasalmost

too short. She flaunted everything she had, and every guy in the bar was staring at her. In comparison,

JessieandIlookedliketrolls.

“Asin,totallyavailable?”Jessiepressed.“Asin,sleepingalonetonight?”

“Yeah.” I felt the joy in my heart that Rochelle was gone, but then the guilt came flooding back

even more intensely. “He said he realized she wasn’t the right person for him. He didn’t give me more

informationthanthat,unfortunately.”

“That’s so sudden,” Kayden said. “Maybe she did something but he’s covering for her. Like

cheatedonhimorsomething.”

“No,”Jessiesaid.“Zekewouldtellusthat.”

“Idoubtit,”Kaydenargued.“Heknowswewouldjumpher.”

“Ican’tpictureRochelledoingthat,”Isaid.“Shelovedhim.Iknowshedid.”AfterIsaidthat,I

feltbadforher.Shewasprobablyhomealoneandcryinghereyesout,justthewayIusedtowhenRyker

dumpedme.

“True,”Jessieadmitted.“Ireallythinkshedid.”

“You’reright,”Kaydensaidinagreement.

“So…”Jessiesmiledinthatmischievousway,likeshehadaplanuphersleeve.“Areyougonna

makeamove?”

Iwashorrifiedatthethought.“Absolutelynot.”

“What?” Jessie said in shock. “After all those dreams and pretending to go to New York, you

aren’tgoingtoaskhimout?You’rejoking,right?”

Ileanedtowardheranddeepenedmytone.“HejustbrokeupwithRochelle.”

Sheleanedforwardandmadethesamevoice,mockingme.“So?”

“He’sbeensinglefor,like,twodays,”Iargued.“That’ssuchadickmove.”

“How so?” Jessie crossed her arms over her chest, pushing her cleavage line together. “If you

askedhimoutwhenhewasseeingRochelle,thenthatwouldbebitchy.He’sfairgameifyouaskme.”

“Totallyfairgame,”Kaydensaid.“I’dmakeamoverightnow.”

“Even though he broke up with her, I doubt he’s over her,” I argued. “I need to give him some

spacebeforeIgoforit.Besides,thisisZekewe’retalkingabouthere.We’rebestfriends.IfIjustasked

himout,hewouldprobablybefreakedout.”

“Doubtful,”Jessiesaid.“Guyslovetobehiton.Trustme.”

“I’m not doing it.” When Ryker dumped me, I was in no shape to start dating again, let alone

datingsomeoneIknewreallywell.

“Zekeishot,”Jessieremindedme.“LikeGreekgodhot.Someonewillsnatchhimupifyouwait

toolong.”

“That’sthechanceI’mgoingtohavetotake.”JustseeinghimwithRochellemademejealous.If

hestartedseeingothergirlsagain,I’dbeheartbroken.IjustwantedthechancetotellhimhowIfelt.Ifhe

could see something happening between us, then great. But if he were looking for something else, I’d

nurse my broken heart in solitude and get over him. “I’m going to give him a month. I’ll see how he’s

doingafterthat.Andifhelooksbetter,I’llgoforit.”

“A month?” Jessie asked incredulously. “Thirty days? I’ve gotten over breakups quicker than

that.”

Kaydenshruggedthensippedherdrink.

“He was with Rochelle for over six months.” They even said the L word to each other. This

relationshipwasdifferentthanalltheothers.“Besides,Idon’twanttobeareboundandhaveafriends-

with-benefitsrelationship.I’dgetcreamedjustlikeIdidwithRyker.”

“Creamedisdefinitelytherightword,”Jessiesaidwithachuckle.

I cringed. “That has to be the dirtiest joke I’ve ever heard you say. Dirtier than any joke I’ve

heard,actually.”

“Itfitthebill,”shesaidwithashrug.

“So, thirty days from now…” Kayden sipped her drink. “When those thirty days are up, we’re

gonnabeonyourass.”

“Yeah,Iknow.”Imightneedalittlepushanyway.

Kaydenspottedaguyontheothersideoftheroom.Hewasmakingeyesather,soshewasdoing

thesamethingback.“Ifyou’llexcuseme,I’mgonnagetcreamedmyself.”

“Damn,”Jessiesaid.“ThatwaswaydirtierthanthewayIsaidit.”

“Didn’tyoujusthaveaguystayoverlastnight?”Kaydenmentioneditinpassingwhenwewere

waitingforJessie.

“Yeah.”Kaydengotoutoftheboothandplacedonehandonherhip.“So?”

“It’sjust…”Ididn’twanttostraightupcallheraslutbut…she’dkindabeenactinglikeone.

Jessie said it in a nicer way. “It just seems like you’re dating a lot more guys than you usually

do…alotmore.”

“I’msingle,”sheargued.“IcandowhatIwant.”

“Yeah,butdon’tyouthinkyou’regettingcarriedaway?”Ididn’twanttohurtherfeelings,butit

seemedlikeshewasthrowingherselfateveryguywhocameinherdirection.Likeshewasinacontest

neitherofusknewabout.

“I’m perfectly fine, thank you very much.” She grabbed her clutch before she stormed off. “See

you guys later. I’m gonna get some.” Then she walked off, rocking her heels like sandals as she

approachedthenextguyonherlist.

Jessiewatchedherforamomentbeforesheturnedtome.“I’malittleworried…”

“Metoo.”

“Whatdoyouthinkhasgottenintoher?”

Ishrugged.“Iknowasmuchasyoudo.”

ChapterThirteen

Rae

Ididn’tseeZekeforaweek.

Nowthathewassingle,Iwasterrifiedhewouldbringsomeotherwomanaround,andIwould

missmychance—forthesecondtime.Sincehewasunencumbered,mysexdreamsturnedinsanelyerotic.

Weweredoingitallovertheplace—mybed,theshower,eventhehallwayoutsidemyapartment.

HewasmakingmecomesooftenIdidn’tneedaman—oravibrator.

ButnowIdidn’tfeelguiltyforhavingmyfantasies.Hewasn’tcommittedtoRochelleanymore,so

technically,Iwasn’tdoinganythingwrong.Inthemiddleoftheday,whenRexwasn’thomefromwork,I

whippedoutmyvibratorandpicturedthewayZekelookedshirtlessonthebasketballcourt.

Thatsightwouldholdmeoverforweeks.

Insteadoffeelingdirtyformyactions,Ifeltmoreattachedtohim.ItseemedlikeIwasalreadyin

astrangeandtwistedrelationshipwithhimeventhoughhewasn’tawareofit.IknewIsoundedlikea

crazynutcase,butwhenitcametoZeke,Iwasokaywithbeingalittlecrazy.

OnFridayafterwork,hetextedme.Wanttoplaysomeball?

InearlyfelloffmybedwhenIsawthatmessage.Insteadofplayingitcool,Iimmediatelytexted

himback.Sure.When?

Twentyminutes.

I’llmeetyouthere.

My heart accelerated with a spike of adrenaline. The nerves burned in my gut, and the anxiety

reminded me how I felt anytime I went on a first date. It wasn’t a date at all, just two friends playing

basketball.

Buttome,itwassomuchmore.

Ihopedhe’dtakeoffhisshirt.

Theweatherwasnice—clearandsunny.

Myoddsweregood.

***

ItookSafariwithmebecauseIknewhewaseagertogetoutside.Myapartmentwasn’tthebest

placeforhim.Oneday,Iwouldgetahouse,andhewouldrunaroundthebackyard,poopingonthegrass

andclaimingitashisown.

WhenIreachedthecourt,Zekewasalreadytherepracticinghisshots.

Andhewasshirtless.

Thisdayjustgotsodamngood.

He made the shot then grabbed the ball before it rolled away. He flashed me his perfect smile,

nothingbutstraightteethinaridiculouslyhandsomeface,andthentuckedtheballintohisside.“Hey.It’s

myfavoritepersonintheworld.”

“I’myourfavoriteperson?”NowIcouldn’tstopmyselffromsmiling.

“IwastalkingaboutSafari.”Whenhechuckled,eventhatsoundedsexy.“Butyoucomeinaclose

second.”Hewinked.

Andthatwinkmadememelt.

Seriously,howdidInotnoticehimbefore?

He was sexy. Like, obviously sexy. He was sweet and charming. He was smart and

compassionate. And his body…wow. Everything about him was just perfect. Why did I date all those

loserswhenIcouldhavejustdatedZekeinstead?

Biggestmistake.

Irecoveredfromthewarmththatfloodedmycheeks.“AtleastImadethelist.”

“You’re always on the list, Rae.” He kneeled and gave Safari a good rub-down, scratching him

behindtheearsthenrunninghishandsdownhisback.“How’smyman?”

Safaripantedwithsleepyeyes,enjoyingthemassagehewasgetting.

“Heneededsomefreshair.Thoughthecouldrefthegame.”

“That’snotfair,”Zekesaid.“He’llbetotallybiased.”

“Againstyou?”

“Actually,againstyou.”Zekerosetohisfullheight,hisbodyglisteningwithsweatfromthemini

workout he just completed on the court. That smile was back, the corner of his lips rising in a

mischievousway.

“You’recockytoday.”Withoutthinking,Idugmyhandsintohissideandtickledhim.

He laughed from deep in his throat and stepped back, protecting his physique from my prying

fingers.“I’malwayscocky.”

My fingers could barely tickle him because I felt like I was touching steel. “We’ll see just how

cockyyouareafterIkickyourass.”

“Idistinctlyrememberyougettingyourasshandedtoyouafewweeksago.”

“Well,thatwasbecause—”IshutmymouthbeforeIsaidsomethingstupid.“Iwasalittlesick.”

“Whateveryousay…”

Westartedthegameandbothputinourbesteffort.Zekewasfast,havingthemomentumfromhis

speedandsize,andwhenhezoomedpastme,therewasn’tmuchIcoulddotostophim.Hescoredonme

thenhandedtheballover.“Notagoodstart.”

“Shutupandlet’splay.”

Hegrinned.“You’veneverlikedlosing.”

I dribbled the ball past him and sprinted to the opposite hoop. Zeke was on me instantly, his

perfectbodycoveringallmyopenshots.HethrewhisarmsintheairbeforeIcouldthrowtheball.His

chestwaslikethewalltoabuilding—therewasnowaythrough.

But I didn’t really want to get around it. I wanted to go through it, feel my nails drag down his

chestandhisstomach.Iwantedtotouchthoserippedarmsastheypumpedwithblood.Ididn’tevenwant

toplaybasketball.Iwantedtopushhimtohisbackandridehimrightthenandthere.

Hisbodydistractedme,andbeforeIknewit,hestoletheballfromme.“No!”

Zekesprintedtotheoppositesideandmadetheshot.“Lookslikeyoujustgotscoredon—again.”

Iwishthatwerealsotrueoutsidethegame.“Yougotlucky.”

“Beingabetterballplayerisn’tluck.It’sfact.”

Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“Handmetheball,andwe’llseewhothebetterplayeris.”

***

Zekebeatme—fairandsquare.

Butinmydefense,itwashardtoconcentratewhenhewasshirtlessandsexy.Nowonderwhyall

theplayersintheNBAworeshirts.Itwouldbetoodamndistractingforeveryoneinvolved.

Likethegentlemanhewas,Zekedidn’tgloat.“YouwannagetsomefoodatMegaShake?”

“Icoulduseagreasyburgerandevengreasierfries…”

Hegrabbedhisshirtfromthegroundandstartedtopulliton.

“No!”

He stopped just before he pulled it over his head. He gave me a blank stare, unsure what my

outburstmeant.

Shit,Isaidthatoutloud?“Thoughttherewasaspider…”

Hepulleditontherestoftheway,hidinghisperfectchestandrippedstomach.

IsighedlikeI’dneverbehappyagain.

Zekewhistled.“Comeon,boy.Let’sgetsomefood.”

Safariimmediatelyjumpedupandcametohisside.

Together, we walked a few blocks before we entered the restaurant. Safari sat outside with his

leashtiedtoapole.Hewasinashadyspotnearthedoor,andcustomerspattedhimontheheadasthey

cameandwent.

Wewashedourhands,ordered,andthentookaseatwithourtraysoffood.

Iremindedmyselfhecouldn’teatshirtlessinsidetherestaurant,sothatendingwasunlikely.Butif

hewerespendingthenightinmyroom,hewould’vebeenshirtlessallthetime…Thatwasanicethought.

“Whatareyousmilingabout?”

“Huh?”Iflinchedathisobservation,notevenknowingIwassmiling.

Hefinishedchewinghisbiteoffoodbeforeherepeatedthequestion.“Youweregrinningoutof

nowhere.Justcuriousastowhy.”

“Oh…IrememberedajokeIheardatworktoday.”

“Ididn’tknowJennywasthejoke-makingtype.”

“Shehashermoments…”Ilookeddownatmyfoodandthrewafewfriesintomymouth.

Zeke fell into silence as he ate, taking big bites and devouring his food like most men I knew.

Somehow,hemadetheactionsexy.Heopenedhiswidejawandchewedquickly,hiseyesonhismeal.

Whenhegotalittlesauceinthecorner,hewipeditawaywithhisthumbbeforehesuckeditoff.

God,Icouldn’tlastthirtydays.

Iwantedtoaskhimoutrightthenandthere.

Andifhesaidno,I’dprobablystillaskhimifhewantedtohookup.Aftermonthswithmydreams

andmyvibrator,Ineededtherealthing.“How’swork?”Iblurteditoutjustsowehadsomethingboring

andunsexualtotalkabout.

“It was good. I have a patient diagnosed with skin cancer. But we were able to remove the

affectedtissue,andhe’sdoingwell.Ithinkwestoppeditbeforeitspread.”

“That’s good to hear.” I loved hearing how involved Zeke was with his work. He really cared

abouthispatientsanddoingtherightthingforthem.Hispaycheckseemedtobethelastthingonhismind.

Hewasbookedmonthsinadvancebecauseeveryoneknewhewasthebestdermatologistinthestate.He

wasn’tjustknowledgeable,buthehadthekindofcompassionyoudidn’tseetoooften.

Whythehelldidn’tInoticehimbefore?

Icouldhaveaskedhimoutwhenhehadfeelingsforme.

We’dbefuckingrightnow.

ButIwentoutwithRykerinstead…theguywhobrokemyheart.

Zekewouldneverdothattome.

Thesadnesshitmehard,andIwassodepressedIthoughtIwouldneverbehappyagain.

Zekepickeduponmymood,havingasixthsense.“Everythingalright?”

“Yeah,ofcourse.Ijustfeelbadforyourpatient.Musthavebeenscary.”

“Yeah,itcanbetraumatic.Butatleasthe’llbealright.How’sworkforyou?”

“It’sprettygood.Aboutthesame.”

Hedunkedhisfriesintohisketchupbeforeheshovedthemintohismouth.“So…haveyoubeen

seeinganyone?”

“Of course not.” The words flew out of my mouth like word vomit. I regretted it the moment it

happenedandwishedIcouldtakeitback.Butnowitwasoutthere…intheair.“Ijust…No.Ihaven’t

beenseeinganyone.”TherewasonlyoneguyIwantedinmybed.Hejustbecameavailableaweekago,

butIhadtokeepmyhandstomyself.“You?”

Pleasesayno.

“No,”heanswered.“I’vebeenspendingalotoftimeatthehouse,mainlyplayingvideogames.”

Oh, thank god. If he hooked up with a former lover for a rebound, I’d be sick to my stomach.

“Whatgame?”

“ThatracecargameRexandIplay.”

“Cool.”

Hepausedbeforehespoke.“Rochellecameovertopickupherthingsyesterday…”

Iimmediatelyfeltguiltyforlustingafterhimwhenshewasgoingthroughsuchahardtime.She

justlostthegreatestguyintheworld.Noonecouldswallowthatwell.“Howisshe?”

“Thesame.Sheaskedifwecouldgivetherelationshipanothertry.”

Myheartstoppedbeating.“Oh…”Didhesayyes?

“I said no. And that made her cry all over again.” He sighed before he kept eating. “I feel so

fuckingterribleforhurtingher.Shedoesn’tdeserveit.Iwish…IwishIcouldmakeherforgetme.”

“No…shewouldneverwanttodothat.”DespitewhatRykerdidtome,Ididn’tregretwhatwe

had.Ireallylovedhim,andevenwhenhewalkedawayfromme,Istillfeltthatway.Itwasashameit

didn’t lead to forever, but even a few months with him was better than no time at all. “She may feel

terriblenow,butitwillpass.Oneday,she’llrememberyouwithjoy.Shejustneedstimetogetthere.”

“IsthathowyouthinkofRyker?”

Inodded.“Yeah.Seeinghiminagonyoverhisfather’spassingbreaksmyheart.AndIknowIfeel

that way because I loved him. Once you love someone once, you kinda always feel differently toward

themthanyoudoeveryoneelse.I’llalwayscareabouthimandwantthebestforhim.Idon’tthinkabout

thewayhehurtmeanymore.Ijust…seehimforwhoheis.”

“Iunderstandwhatyoumean.”

“She’llgetthroughit,Zeke.Don’tfeeltoobad.”

“Iguess…”Hetookanotherbiteofhisburger.

“Unlessyoudowanttobewithher…”

“Idon’t.”Hesaiditbeforeheevenfinishedchewing.Onceheswallowed,hecontinuedon.“The

past week and a half has only convinced me I made the right decision.” He held my gaze for a long

momentbeforehefinallyblinkedandlookedaway.“Ijustwishshehadn’ttakenitsohard.I’llalways

careaboutherandwantthebestforhertoo.ButIcan’tbewithheranymore.”

Henevertoldmethereasonwhyhebrokeupwithher.Ijusthopedhegaveheragoodenough

explanation.“Didyoujustwakeuponemorningandthinkofherdifferently?”

“Iguess.”Hedidn’telaborate.

“Maybethat’swhyshe’stakingitsohard…becauseit’snotaconcretereason.”

“Maybe,”hesaid.“ButImadeitclearmyheartisn’tinitanymore.IthinkIgotherhopesupwhen

I told her she was my longest and most serious relationship. I shouldn’t have moved so fast… I should

havesloweddown.”

“Youdidwhatfeltrightatthetime.Shouldn’tregretthat.”

“Isuppose.”Hefinishedhisfoodthenwipedhisfingerswithanapkin.

“Rochellewillfindsomeoneelse.She’sagreatwoman.”

“Iknowshewill,”hesaidwithasigh.“Ijusthopeithappenssoonerratherthanlater.”

Iatethelastofmyfriesandfoughttheurgetomakeupanexcusetogotohisplace.Withthetrees

surroundingthehouseandhisdarkfurnitureandartlightsonthewalls,itwasaromanticplace.Maybehe

couldseemeassomethingotherthanafriendagain.Iwasn’tsurehowtomakethathappen.Iwasn’teven

surewhatattractedhimtomeinthefirstplace.“Doyouhaveanyplansfortherestoftheday?”

“JustplayingavideogamewhenIgethome.”

“Well, the Mariners game is on. You wanna watch that?” I didn’t want to invite him to my

apartmentbecausemypieceofshitbrotherdidn’tunderstandthemeaningofgetout.

“Soundslikeanexcellentidea.Wanttocometomyplace?”

Like we had the same mind, he did exactly what I wanted. “Sure. I’ll swing by my place and

change.”

“Okay.ButthenRexisgoingtowanttojoinus.”

Didhewanttobealonewithme?“Andwhat’stheproblemwiththat?”

“Nothing.Ijustfiguredyou’dwantsomespacefromhim.”

“Ido,”Iblurted.“Ireallywantsomespacefromhim.”

“Thenyoucanshoweratmyplaceandwearsomeofmystuff.”

A fantasy come true—wearing his t-shirt around his house. “Okay…” I couldn’t keep the

excitementfromescapingmyvoice.MaybeIcouldevengetapeekofhimintheshowerifIweresneaky

enough.

“Besides,Safarilovesmybackyard.”Heglancedathimthroughthewindow.

“Hedoes.”

Hepiledourtrashtogether.“Readytogo?”

“Absolutely.”

***

ZekegotintotheshowerfirstwhileIsatonthecouchandwatchedthegame.

ItextedJessie.ZekeandIplayedbasketballtoday,andnowI’mathisplace…justthetwoofus.

Thethreedotspoppedupimmediately.Jump.His.Bones.

Ican’t.That’swhyI’mtextingyou.Myhormonesareallovertheplacerightnow.Ineedyouto

talksomesenseintome.

Thenyoutextedthewrongperson,amiga.

Jessie!

GetthatD,girl.

You’resonothelpingrightnow.

I’mhelpingyougetlaid.

I locked my screen so I couldn’t see her messages anymore. That pep talk was completely

counterproductive.NowIwantedtoretiremyvibratoranduseZekefulltime.Ilookedoutthewindow

andsawSafarisittinginthegrass,lovingtheoutdoors.Iknewwewouldbothliketolivethereifwehad

theopportunity.

NowIwasgettingaheadofmyself.

Zekecameoutinhisrunningshortsandat-shirt.Hishairwasstilldampfromtheshower,andhe

wascleanandmasculine.Hesetatowelandastackofclothesonthecouch.“Hereyougo.Needanything

else?”

Iwashopinghe’dcomedownthehallwithatowelaroundhiswaist.That’showithappenedin

books,sowhydidn’tthathappentomerightnow?Notfairatall.“No,I’mgood.Thankyou.”

“Alright.I’llbewaiting.”Hesatonthecouchandpickeduphisbeer.

Iwentintothebathroomandshutthedoorbehindme.I’dnevershoweredinhishousebefore.In

fact,I’dneverbeenthereovernight.Eventhoughmyapartmentwassmallandcramped,everyonecameto

hangoutthere.

Iturnedonthewaterandgotunderneaththefaucet.Thewarmwaterblanketedmelikeacocoon.I

spottedhisbodywashontherack,alongwithhisshampoo.Theplacewastouchedbyhispresence,andI

picturedhimintheshower,thewaterfallingagainsthishardchest.

I’d been hard up all day and nothing was chasing away my desperation. Maybe I could think

clearlyifIreleasedthetensionbetweenmylegs.Feelingdirtybutalsoexcited,Itouchedmyselfinhis

showerandpicturedhimintherewithme.

Afterafewminutes,Ireleased,thinkingabouthimtheentiretime.Imanagedtostayquiet,andthe

watermuffledthesoundsImade.I’dnevermasturbatedinsomeoneelse’shouse,buttheurgeovertookme

andIcouldn’tfightit.

AndIfeltalotbetteronceIwasfinished.

AfterIdriedoff,Iwentbackintothelivingroom.

“Feelbetter?”

“What?”Fuck,didheknow?

“Youknow,nowthatyou’reclean.WhatdidyouthinkImeant?”

“Ijust…”Mycheekshadturnedbeetred,andtheywereslowlyfadingbacktotheiroriginalcolor.

“Ireallylikeyourshampoo.”

“Head&Shoulders?”

“Yeah…IguessIhavedandruff.”Isatontheoppositesideofthecouchandpulledmykneestomy

chest.“So,theMarinersarewinning,huh?”Ihadtochangethesubjectofthatconversation—pronto.

“Yeah.Justscoredanotherrun.”HeturnedbacktotheTVanddrankhisbeer.

Nowthathisattentionwasoffme,Icouldfinallybreatheagain.

ChapterFourteen

Rex

IthoughtIwouldgetbetterastimewentby,butIseemedtobegettingworse.

All I could think about was Kayden and who she was spending the night with. I ended our

arrangementbecauseZeketoldmeIshouldsoshewouldn’tgetattached.ButnowIwaswonderingifI

wastheonewhogotattached.

DidI?

Ihadn’tbeenwithanyoneelsesinceKayden,andamonthhadcomeandgonewithoutanyaction.

ItwasthelongestdryspellI’deverexperienced,andthefactthatitwasvoluntarymadeitmoreunusual.

SoIdecidedtohitthebarsceneandscoopupadate.MaybeIjustneededtogetbackinthegame,

andIwouldstopthinkingaboutKayden.Sheclearlyhadalreadymovedon,andIneededtodothesame.

Isatatthebarandlookedaround,butIdidn’tseeanyoneworthmyinterest.Therewasjustasea

oflegsandbighair.Istareddownintomybeermostofthetime.Afternearlyhalfanhourofnothing,I

paidmytabandpreparedtoleave.

Andthat’swhenIsawher.

Kayden walked inside wearing a tight black dress. Her blonde hair was straight, and black

diamondearrings were inher lobes. Likea vision, she madeeverything in thebackground look like an

indistinctblur.

Icouldn’tstoplookingather.

She scanned the bar like she was looking for someone. Then her eyes settled on me, full of

surprise.

Istaredbackanddidn’tknowwhatelsetodo.Isuddenlyfeltnervousanduneasy.Wehadn’thada

real conversation since we broke up a month ago. My attempt to bring her soup backfired. I ended up

talkingtoherthroughatinycrackinthedoorwaybeforeshedismissedme.

Sheregainedherconfidenceandclosedthegapbetweenus.“Hi.”

“Hi.”ShelookedsoprettythatIwantedtogripherbytheshouldersandkissher.ButIchickened

outandchosetostareatherinstead.“Youlookbeautifultonight.”

Hercheeksimmediatelytinted.“Thankyou…”

CouldIaskhertofoolaroundagain?OrhadIsaidgoodbyetothatpossibilitythesecondIended

thingswithher?“It’snicetoseeyou.Ifeellikewenevertalkanymore.”

“Iknowwhatyoumean.I’vejustbeenbusy.”

Datingeveryguyintheworld.“Yeah…”

“Whathaveyoubeenupto?”

“Youknow,justworkandstuff.”AndplayingalotofvideogamesandhangingoutwithZeke.

“Cool.”

“How’sthelibrary?”

“Good.”

Awkwardsilencefell.

Icameouttonighttopickupsomeoneandbringthembacktomyplace.ButnowthatIwaslooking

ather,IrealizedIdidn’twanttofindanyoneelse.Iwantedheronmybedwithherlegswrappedaround

mywaist.IwantedhertobetheonetosaymynamewhenImadehercome.“Iknowthisiscrazybut—”

“Hey, babe.” A good-looking guy in a collared shirt appeared out of nowhere and wrapped his

armaroundherwaist.“Youlookfantastictonight.”

“Oh,thanks.”Shetuckedherhairbehindherear.“Youlooknicetoo.”

Vomitformedinmystomach.

“Can I get you a drink?” Judging the way he pretended I didn’t exist, he considered me to be a

threat.Heprobablysawmecheckingheroutbeforehewasabletoclaimherashis.

“Yeah,sure,”shesaid.“Bytheway,thisismyfriendRex.”

HerfriendRex.

Justherfriend.

Someguywhoshedidn’tthinkaboutanymore.

Iforcedmyselftobepolite.“Nicetomeetyou…”

HeglaredatmelikeIwasscum.“Yeah,youtoo.”

“Seeyoulater,Rex.”Kaydendriftedawaywithherdate,hittingthebarforsomeboozeandfun.

Istoodthereandwatchedthemdisappear,feelingoutofplaceintheworld.ThelastthingIshould

feelwasjealousyorregret.Iwastheonewhocalleditoffbeforethingscouldgetserious.Kaydenhad

everyrighttodowhatshewasdoing—livingherlife.

ButIfeltlikeshitanyway.

***

WhenIwalkedthroughthedoor,Itossedmykeysonthecounter.ButIwassodisturbedbythe

sight of Kayden with that guy that I missed the surface and tossed them on the floor. They fell with a

distinctclankwhentheyhitthetile.

Raewassittingatthekitchentableonhercomputer,probablydoingsomeworkafterhours.Once

in a while, she brought her work home with her when she didn’t finish in the lab. It was usually

calculations.“What’supwithyou?”

I snatched the keys from the ground and tossed them on the counter. This time, I didn’t miss.

“Nothing.”

“You’re home by nine.” She gave me that annoying know-it-all sister look. “Something must be

up.”

“Nothinggoodouttonight.”

“Yeah, okay,” she said with a chuckle. “When I was out with Jessie the other night, I saw this

womanwhowassobeautifulshemadeJessielooklikeatroll.There’salotoftalentoutonthetown.Did

someoneshootyoudown?”

Prettymuch.“Notreally.Isatatthebarbymyselfforafewhoursthencamehome.”

“Wow…that’sdepressing.”

Shedidn’tknowthehalfofit.“IsawKayden…withsomeguy.”Ithurttosaythewordsoutloud.I

couldhavebeenspendingthenightwithher.Butinstead,Iwasgoingtobedaloneandsufferingthrough

mynightmares.

Raesighedlikeaspeechwasapproaching.“I’mworriedabouther.Outwithadifferentguyevery

night…it’sjustnotlikeher.”

Adifferentguyeverynight?NowIreallyfeltsick.

“I’veneverseenherdatemorethantwoguysayear.Andnowshe’sprobablyseentwentyinthe

lastmonth.Shesayseverythingisfinebutit’shardtobelieve.Rightaftershewasdonebeingsick,she

wentonthissexyrampage—”

“I’mgoingtobed.”Icouldn’thearanymoreofthat.Myheartwasrippingintwo,andIwantedto

jumpoffacliff.Justseeingherwithsomeotherguywasdisgusting,butknowingtherehadbeendozens

aftermewasjustcruel.“Goodnight.”

ChapterFifteen

Rae

MyphonelitupwithatextmessagewhenIwasatwork.Iwassittingatthedeskagainstthewall,

jottingdownnotessoIwouldn’tforgetthisinformationlater.Zeke’snamepoppeduponthescreen,andI

almostjumpedonthetableandstarteddancing.Hungry?

Hewasaskingmetolunch!Really?Doyouevenneedtoask?

ForgotIwastalkingtoabottomlesspit.

Isentanemojiofmegivinghimthebird.

Hesentanemojiofagrinningface.Pizza?

I’malwaysdownforpizza.

I finished up my project in the lab before I walked a few blocks over and met him at the pizza

parlorwealwayswentto.Hewasalreadysittingintheboothwiththepizzainfrontofhim—knowing

whatIwouldwantwithoutevenasking.

“Thislooksbomb.”Isatacrossfromhimandimmediatelypulledasliceontomyplate.

“IalmostgotstartedwithoutyoubutI’mtoomuchofagentleman.”

“YouknowIwouldn’tcare.Iwouldn’twaitforyou.”

Hechuckled,lookingundeniablyhandsomewiththatsmile.“You’reright.”

“So, how’s work?” I ate and looked at him across the table, feeling my thighs press together

becausehelookedsosexywhenheworedarkblue.Helookedsexyineverycolor,buthisscrubshada

sharpV-neckinthefront,andIcouldseethelinethatseparatedthetwopecmuscles.

“Good.I’mconsideringhiringanotherdermatologistandexpandingthebusinessalittle.”

“Oh,that’scool.Maybeopenanotherofficetoo?”

“No,I’mnotthatambitious.IactuallywantedtosplittheloadwithsomeonesoIcouldhavemore

time off. Right now, I’m so swamped that I can’t take a vacation. I can’t even remember the last time I

tookadayoffbesidestheweekends.”

“True.Don’toverworkyourself.”

“Yeah,that’swhyIthinkI’mgoingtohiresomeone.We’llhavetotakeonmoreclients,butthat

shouldn’tbeaproblem.Wehavepeoplebookedninemonthsoutrightnow.”

“That’scrazy.”

“Iknow.Peopleshouldn’twaitthatlongtobeseen.”

“Whydon’ttheyjustgosomewhereelse?”

Heshrugged.“Idon’tknow.Itmightbeaninsuranceissue.”

I’dneverunderstoodinsuranceandIneverwould.

“Itakeallkindsofinsurance,eventheonesthatdon’tpaymuch.Thatprobablyhassomethingto

dowithit.”

IthinkIjustfellalittleharderforhim.“That’ssweetofyou…”

“ThewayIseeitis,Igrewupwithfood,shelter,andhealthinsurance.AndnowIhaveagreatjob

that provides all the things I need. Some people don’t have that kind of luxury. It’s not their fault.

Sometimes,theyjustgotdealtabadhand.SotheleastIcandoishelppeoplewhocan’thelpthemselves.

Imean,I’madoctor.That’sthedefinitionofmyoccupation.”

Iwantedtojumphisbonesrightthenandthere.Hewassohumbleandsocompassionate.Inever

metamanwhocaredsomuchforpeoplelessfortunate.Hewassoswoon-worthy,andIwasdefinitely

beingswooned.“We’reluckytohaveyou,Dr.Collins.”

Hesmiledbeforehetookabiteofhispizza.“Well,thanks.”

Iwantedtoreachacrossthetableandhughim,butIknewnothinggoodwouldcomeofthat.He

wouldfeelthehardnessofmytits.AndwhenIstraddledhiships,thatwouldbeadeadgiveawayofwhat

Ireallywanted.

“Anythingnewatthelab?”Hisquestioncooledtheheatbetweenmylegs.

“I’mworkingonafewthings.Biodegradableproductsforconsumers.Findingtherightexpiration

timeisthemostdifficultpart.Can’tseemtogetthatright.”

“Ican’tevenimaginehowcomplicatedthatis.”

“AndIcan’timaginehowcomplicatedmedicalschoolis.”

“It’snotthatbad,actually.Youcoulddoit.Amonkeycoulddoit.”

“Okay,Icouldprobablydoit,”Isaid.“Butamonkey?”

“Yeah.”Hesaiditwithastraightface.“It’slikeplayingdetective.Someonehasaproblemand

you solve it. There are different tools you use to figure it out. Once you have that data, you make a

decisiononhowtofixtheproblem.It’sstraightforward.”

Inmyeyes,hewasdefinitelydownplayingit.Butforsomeonesointelligent,itwasn’tsurprising

thatheconsideredthechallengeeasy.“Doyouhaveplanstonight?”

“No.Justplayingvideogames.”

“Youmusthavebeatenthatracingonebynow.”

Heshrugged.“Youcan’treallybeatit.That’sjustforfun.ButIdidfinishthefirstshootergame.

Prettycool.Doyouhaveplanstonight?”

“Sorta.” I’d been concerned about Kayden for a while, and it was time for me to seriously

confronther.“I’mworriedaboutKayden.”

“Because?”

“She’sbeensleepingaroundalot,andI’mjustconcerned.”

Zeke’s expression didn’t change. “I don’t see what the problem is. She’s single and can do

whatevershewants.”

“Butit’sjustnotlikehertodothatsortofthing.”

He shrugged. “I feel like if she were a man, no one would raise an eyebrow. But since she’s a

woman,theremustbesomethingwrong.”

IlovedZekeforbeingafeminist.Hewasalwaysagentlemanandtreatedwomenright,buthealso

sawthemasequals.Thatmightbethesexiestthingofallabouthim.“That’snotwhatI’mimplyingatall.”

“Thenistheresomethingyouaren’ttellingme?”

“No…buthersuddenchangeinbehaviorstartedaftershewasdonebeingsick.Itwasjustnight

andday,suchasuddenshiftthatJessieandIcouldhardlybelieveit.Iwonderifthere’ssomethingshe’s

nottellingme.”

“Iguessitdoesn’thurttoask.”

“Imean,ifshe’sreallyfineandisjustchangingherlifestyle,goodforher.ButI’veknownhermy

wholelife,andIjustfeellikesomethingiswrong.”

Zekenodded.“Youknowherbetterthananyone,soyourhunchisprobablyright.”

“Afterwork,I’mgoingtoconfronther.Ijusthopeshetakesitwell.LasttimeIsaidsomething,she

gotalittledefensive.”

“That’sanaturalreaction,”hesaid.“Youknow,whensomeonequestionsyourbehavior.”

“Yeah…”ImovedontomythirdsliceuntilIwasstuffed.Icouldn’teatanotherbiteifsomeone

paidme.

Zekewatchedmefromacrossthetable,hisbeautifulblueeyesbrilliantandseductive.Ilovedit

whenhestaredatmebecauseIgottostareback.Isawthewisdomandthesexinessinhisexpression.

With his hard jaw and soft lips, he looked like a fantasy. He was single and totally available, but I

couldn’tdoadamnthingtomakehimmine.Ihadtowaitalittlelongeroutofrespectforourfriendship.

Butwhoknewbeingagoodfriendcouldbesodamnhard.

***

Kaydenopenedthedoor,herhairandmakeupdonelikeshewasabouttogoout.

EventhoughitwasMonday.

Who went out on a Monday night? I was usually parked in front of my TV with sweats and a

beanie,hatingthefactIhadtogetthroughtherestoftheweekbeforetheweekendarrivedagain.

“Oh,hey.What’sup?”Sheinvitedmeinside,herfeetbarebecauseherheelsweretheonlything

missingfromheroutfit.“What’sup?AnythinghappenwithZekeyet?”

“No.Butmythirtydaysaren’tupyet.”

“Whatever.”Sherolledhereyes.“Thethirty-dayruleisstupidandyouknowit.”

Isatonthecouch.“Goingout?”

“Yeah,youwannacome?”Aglassofwinewassittingonthetable,nexttoafullbottle.

“No.Actually,Iwashopingwecouldtalk.”

Kaydendetectedmytoneimmediately.Shelookedatmewithsuspicion,knowingsomethingbad

wascoming.“Talkaboutwhat?”

She was going to hate me for saying this—I knew it. “With all the guys you’ve been seeing and

howmuchyougoout…I’mstillalittleworried.Ifeellikethere’ssomethingelsegoingonbutyouaren’t

tellingmewhatitis.”

She laughed it off. “You’re reading way too much into it, Rae. I’m not a science experiment to

analyze.”

“I’m not analyzing you. But I’ve known you since we were five. You’ve been exactly the same

personsincethattime.Andallofasudden…youjustchanged.I’mjustconcernedsomethingmoreserious

isgoingon.”

“Ihaven’tchanged,”sheargued.“Ijustgotsomeconfidence,andIliketogoout.That’sall.”

Sinceshewasdefensive,Iknewshewashidingsomething.Butitwasamysterywhyshekeptita

secret.“Idon’tcareaboutyougoingoutandhavingagoodtime.I’mmoreconcernedaboutallthemen

you’vebeensleepingwith.”

“You’reonetotalk,”shescoffed.“You’vepickeduptonsofguysfrombars.”

“IknowIhave.”Iwasn’tashamedofit.“Butitwasn’tadifferentguyeverynight.BeforeRyker

came into the picture, I slept with five guys in one year. That’s reasonable. But what you’re doing…is

concerning.”

“You’recallingmeaslut?”shehissed.

“No.Ineversaidthatword.”

“It’sprettyclearyou’reimplyingit.”

Iloweredmytonesoshewouldremaincalm.“Listentome.Ifyou’redoingthisbecauseyouwant

to do it, that’s fine. I won’t say another word about it. But if you’re doing this because something

happenedtoyou,somethingbad,thenIthinkweshouldtalkaboutit.That’sall.So,Kayden,hasanything

happenedinthepastmonth?”

She stared me down, and slowly, her anger started to fade away. Her eyebrows began to soften

andthelookinhereyeswasnolongerfierce.ShemorphedbackintothewomanIknew,myfriend.

Ihitanerve.

Kaydenremainedquiet.Hereyesdrifteddowntoheruntouchedwineglass.

“Kayden,youknowyoucantellmeanything.You’vealwaysbeenthereforme.Letmebethere

foryou.”

Sheinterlockedherfingersandsighed.“You’regoingtobemad…”

“WhywouldIbemad?”

“BecauseIdidsomethingthatkindofbreaksthegirlcode.”

Ididn’thaveacluewhatshewastalkingabout.“IpromiseIwon’tbemad.”

“Youcan’tmakeapromiselikethat.”

“Honestly, I couldn’t care less about what you did. Right now, all I care about is you. There’s

nothing you could say to make me turn on you. Even if you slept with Ryker, while it would hurt, I

wouldn’tbemadbecausethatdoesn’tmatterrightnow.Onlyyoumatter.”

Hereyessoftenedwithsadness.“Rae,Iwouldneverdothat.”

Myheartrelaxedinrelief.IwasoverRyker,butifoneofmyfriendssleptwithhim,Iwouldbe

devastated.“Iknow.Butanythingyouactuallydiddowouldpaleincomparisontothat.Sojusttellme.”

“Alright…”

IstaredherdownasIanxiouslywaited.

“Thisishardtotalkabout…soI’mjustgoingtocomeoutandsayit.”

“Okay.”

“I’vebeeninlovewithRexforyearsnow.”

I heard what she said, but I couldn’t process it. Her confession was huge—enormous. I didn’t

evensuspectshehadathingformybrother.Notoncehaditcrossedmymind.Sinceshewasstaringat

me,IknewIneededtosaysomething.“Oh…”

“I kept hoping he would notice me the way I noticed him. But of course, he only saw me as a

friend. So I did something really stupid and…I asked him to teach me some moves in the bedroom. I

thoughtifwefooledaroundlongenough,hewouldwanttobewithme.”Sheloweredhergazeandstared

atherhands,notwantingtolookmeintheeye.“Butthenhebrokeupwithmeamonthago.Didn’tsay

why. He just said our arrangement was over. And…it hurt so much.” She closed her eyes, and tears

immediatelybegantoleakout.

TheshockofwhathappenedbetweenherandRexpassedinlightofherpain.Iwenttohersideon

thecouchandwrappedmyarmsaroundher,pullingherintomesoIcouldcomfortmybestfriendinthe

world.“Kayden…”

Sherestedherheadonmyshoulder.“IknowIshouldn’tbecrying.IknowIshouldhaveseenwhat

wascoming.But…Ireallylovehim,Rae.”

Irubbedherback,feelingheartbrokenforher.“Iknowyoudo,Kay.”Ididn’tneedtoquestionher

feelingstoknowitwastrue.Seeingherbreakdowninfrontofmelikethis,hittingrockbottom,wasproof

enough.Ididn’thavetimetofeeltheconfusionofeverythingshejustsaid.ApartofmewassurprisedI

hadn’tfigureditoutonmyownsinceshe’dfeltthiswayforsolong.Jessiedidn’thaveaclueeither.

“I’msorryIsleptwithRex.Iknowhe’syourbrotherandeverything…”

“Don’t worry about it.” I continued to rub her back, not feeling any resentment toward her

whatsoever. She didn’t just mess with my brother’s feelings. She was the one who loved him, and he

didn’tfeelthesameway.“Didheknowyoufeltthisway?”

“Idon’tthinkso,”shewhispered.“IguessIdidagoodjobofhidingit.”

“So,whenyouweresick…?”

“Iwasjustdepressed.”

“Oh,sweetie…”Irubbedhershoulder.

“I’vebeengoingoutalotlatelytomakemyselffeelbetter…toforgetabouthim.Idon’twanthim

toknowhowmuchhehurtmebecausehewouldn’tcareanyway.AndIwashopingIcouldgetoverhimif

Imetenoughguys.Butnothingseemstowork…”

“Iknowhowharditis.Believeme,Kay.Ido.”GettingoverRykerwasthehardestthingI’dever

hadtodo.Hewastheloveofmylife,themanIpicturedmyselfspendingtherestofmylifewith.WhenI

picturedmyhusband’sface,itwasRyker.ButwhenItoldhimIlovedhim,hebrokemyheart.Hethrew

me aside like trash and moved on with his life, leaving me in the dust. Those three months were

unbearable.

“Iknowyoudo,Rae.I’mjustsorrythatyoudounderstand.”

I lowered my hand from her back. “I know you’re in pain, but I don’t think sleeping around is

goingtomakeyoufeelbetter,Kayden.Ithinkyouneedtoconfrontthesefeelingsheadon,aspainfulasit

is,andslowlymoveon.”

Shesniffedthenwipedhereyes.“Iknow…”

“Andwhenyoufeelbetter,you’llfindsomeonereallyspecialandfallinlove.Rexwillmissthe

greatestthingthateverhappenedtohim,andyou’llbehappywithsomeonewhoactuallydeservesyou.”

Shenodded.“Ihopeyou’repsychic,Rae.”

“I don’t need to be psychic to know that’s going to happen. You deserve the best. And one day,

you’llgetit.”

She finally stopped crying, her eyes becoming dry. She sat up and looked at me, the plea in her

gaze.“Don’tsayanythingtoRex,okay?”

Ididn’tsayanything.

“Rae,”shepressed.

“Ithinkyoushouldtellhimhowyoufeel.Ipromise,hehasnocluethatyoufeelthisway.”

“Howdoyouknow?”

“Believeme,Ijustdo.Rexisdullwhenitcomestostufflikethis.He’sasmartguy,butwhenit

comestoreadingpeople’semotionsandattitudes,he’stotallyblind.Hebelievedwhateveryoutoldhim,

andasfarashe’sconcerned,youcouldn’tcarelessabouthim.”

“Idon’tknow…”

“Ifyouwantachancetobewithhim,Ithinkyoushouldtellhim.You’llneverknowuntilyoutry.”

Sheshookherhead.“Iwanthimtowantmeonhisown.Iwanthimtochasemeandtrytowinme

over.Idon’twanttobejustsomegirlhefoolsaroundwith.IwanthimtolovemethewayIlovehim.

AndifIhavetotellhimhowIfeeltomakethathappen…thenit’snotreal.”

“Iunderstandthat…butRexdoesn’tknowanyofthat.”

“AndIdon’twanttocomeoutandsayit.Iknowhedoesn’tfeelthesamewayandthingswilljust

beawkward.Atleastwecanbefriendsnow.That’sneverbeenanissue,thankfully.”

Seeingmyfriendinpainhurtmyheart.Iwantedtofixit,butIdidn’tknowhow.

“Solet’sjustkeepthisbetweenus,okay?”

“Alright.”Iagreedwithherjustforthesakeofit.WhileIunderstoodwhereshewascomingfrom,

Ididn’tthinkshewasgoingaboutitintherightway.IfRexthoughttheywereonlyfoolingaround,that’s

allhewouldeverfeel.Youneededtobedirectwithhimifyouwantedanykindofresponse.

“Thankyou.Andagain,I’msorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Kayden. I’m just glad you finally let me in. I want to help you get better, and

nowIcanfinallydothat.”

Shesmiledforthefirsttime.“Thanks,Rae.You’resuchagoodfriend.”

“Bestfriend,”Icorrected.“Andyoudon’tneedtothankme.”

ChapterSixteen

Rae

Icouldn’tlookatRexthesameway.

IwalkedintotheapartmentafterstayingatKayden’splaceforafewhours.Insteadofgoingout,

we watched a few movies on the couch. She put on her pajamas and returned to her normal self, a

homebodywhopreferredthecompanyofclosefriendsratherthanhandsomestrangers.

Rexwassittingonthecouchwatchingabasketballgame.Acollectionofbeerbottlessatonthe

tablebeforehim.Likeaslug,hesatthereandhardlymoved.

Icouldn’tbelievehefooledaroundwithmybestfriendforsolong—andhiditsowell.

AndIcouldn’tbelievehewouldmesswithmyfriendlikethat.

Iwalkedintothelivingroomandcrossedmyarmsovermychest.

Rex glanced at me. “What’s your problem?” His eyes turned back to the TV, and that’s when I

noticedjusthowdownhewas.Whenhecamehometheothernight,hewasinaterriblemood.Andthat

moodhadn’tgoneawaysince.

“Ishouldaskyouthesamething.”

“Justtired.What’syourexcuse?”

Sickofyourbullshit,that’swhat.“You’vebeenweirdsincetheotherday.Somethingup?”

“No.”Hetookalongdrinkofhisbeerandcontinuedtoignoreme.

Therewasnopointinfeelinghimout.Hewouldn’ttellmeadamnthing.“Goodnight,then.”

“Wherewereyou?”

“Kayden’s.”IwasjustabouttoturnawaywhenIdecidedtostayput.

Hismovementswereslight,buthechangedthetensioninhisshouldersandshiftedhisweighton

thecouch.Andthebiggestclueofall,helookedatme.“Whatdidyouguysdo?Didyougoout?Didshe

pickupanotherguy?”

Alotofquestionsfromsomeonewhowasn’tsupposedtocare.“No.Westayedatherplaceand

watchedTV.Why?”

Hismoodpickedupslightly.Hiseyesdilatedlikeheheardsomethingheliked.Heturnedbackto

theTVandtookanotherdrinkofhisbeer.“Justaskingtobepolite.”

“Butyou’reneverpolite.”

“ThenIwasjustasking.”

“Orareyouactuallycurious?”Ipressed.

“Idon’tknow,”hesaidwithashrug.

Now that I looked back on our past conversations, he did show particular interest whenever

Kayden was involved. He always asked if she was coming to events, and when I mentioned she was

sleeping around, he marched off to bed. Maybe there was more to this story than Kayden and I both

realized.

Maybe.

***

Ileftthebuildingandstartedthewalkbacktomyplace.IpulledoutmyphoneandcalledZeke.I

wasn’tjustreachingouttohimforanexcusetotalktohim.Hewasoneofmybestfriends,andIneeded

totellsomeoneaboutthishugepieceofnews.

Heansweredimmediately.“Longtime,nosee.”

“Areyouoffwork?”

“Justgothomeandoutoftheshower.”

Damn,Imissedtheshow.“Ineedtotalktoyou.Ihavesomeridiculouslybignews.CanIcome

over?”AndpleasestillbeinatowelwhenIgetthere.

“Absolutely.Thefrontdoorisopen.”

“Alright.Seeyousoon.”

“I’llorderapizza.You’reprobablystarving.”Theteasingtonewasinhisvoice.

I smiled automatically, turned on by that simple joke. The banter between us felt so much more

flirtatiousnowthatIwantedtohithissheets.Ofcourse,itmademeblush.“Goodcall.”

***

When I walked in, the pizza was already there. Zeke wasn’t in a towel, unfortunately. He was

dressedinjeansandat-shirt,thekindwithaV-neckdownthefront.Itwasn’tasprominentastheonein

hisscrubs,butIcouldstillseethedefinitionofmusclearoundhiscollarbone.

“So,what’sthebignews?”Hegrabbedabeerfromthefridge,openeditforme,andleftitonthe

tablesoIcouldgrabitwheneverIwanted.

Ialwaysopenedmyownbeer,andIthoughtitwasstrangehediditforme.Isatdownandpulled

thebeertowardmebutdidn’ttakeadrink.Withmynews,therewouldn’tbetimefordrinkingoreating.

“RexwasneverseeingawomannamedBonnie.”

Zekepulledasliceontohisplatebutdidn’ttakeabite.Hisattentionturnedbacktome.“Whatare

yougettingat?”

“Lastnight,KaydentoldmesheandRexwerefoolingaroundforawhile.Basically,theywere

fuckbuddies.”

JudgingbythewayZeke’seyesexpandedtotwicetheirsize,hehadnoclue.“Areyouserious?”

“Deadserious.”

“Areyousure?”

“Kaydenwouldn’tmakethatup.”

Flustered, he ran his fingers through his hair like a sexy model who just got out of the pool.

“Wow…that’sinsane.”

“Iguessitlastedalongtime,afewmonths.”

“Ican’tbelieveRexwouldbesostupidastogetinvolvedwithafriendlikethat.”

ThehopediedinmychestwhenIheardwhathesaid.Didthatmeanhewouldneverwanttodate

mebecauseweweregoodfriends?Thattherisktoourfriendshipoutweighedourattraction?

“Ican’tbelieveInevernoticed.Theyseemedsonormalaroundeachother.”

“I couldn’t believe it either. Kayden explained that’s why she’s sleeping around with every guy

shesees.”

“Because?”

DidIneedtospellitoutforhim?“She’sinlovewithhim.Shetoldmeshe’sbeeninlovewith

him for years. She thought if they started a physical relationship, he would see her as more than just a

friend.Butheendeditonedayandthatwasit.”

“Shehadfeelingsforhimallthistime?”

Inodded.

“Andnoneofusknew?”

“Iguessso.She’sheartbrokenoverthewholething.Itoldhersheneedstofocusongettingbetter,

notsleepingwitheverymaninSeattle.”

“AllthemeninSeattlewillbedisappointed,”hesaidwithachuckle.

Inarrowedmyeyes.

“Otherthanme,”hesaidquickly.“Idon’tseeKaydenlikethatandneverhave.”Hisvoicecame

outdefensive,evenalittleparanoid.“SodoesRexknow?”

Hedidn’tneedtoaskthattogetmyanswer.“No.He’sclueless.”

“Iguessthatdoesn’tsurpriseme.”

“She asked me not to say anything, and I guess I won’t…but I’ve noticed how down he’s been

lately.He’sbeenwithdrawnandsad,andsometimesIwonderifit’sbecauseofher.Maybehe’sjustas

miserablewiththisbreakupassheis.”

“Maybe.IremembertalkingtohimaboutitwhenIthoughtthewomanwasnamedBonnie.Isaid

heshouldenditbeforethingsbecameserious.Hewouldjusthurtherintheend.Butitdidn’tseemlikehe

reallywantedtoshakeher.”

“Maybehedidn’t.”

“But he seemed adamant about her not getting attached…which makes me think he’s not serious

abouther.”

Unfortunately.“IthinkI’mgoingtotellhimanyway.”

“Yousureyouwanttodothat?”

“Yeah.Iwanthimtounderstandhowmuchhehurtmyfriendwithhisstupiddecisiontouseher.

Andifhedoeshavedeeperfeelingsforher,Iwanthimtounderstandshefeelsthesamewaysohecando

somethingaboutit.”

Zekewasquiet,tellingmehedisagreed.

“Shedoesn’twanthimtoknowbecauseifhedoeschaseafterher,it’sonlybecauseItalkedhim

intoit.Ifhecomestoheronhisownterms,thenshe’llknowit’sreal.Butwhatshedoesn’tgetis,Rexis

totallydenseaboutthesesortsofthings.He’snotgoodatreadingpeopleandunderstandingemotions.You

reallyhavetospellstuffoutforhim.Andeventhen,hedoesn’ttotallygetiteither.”

“True.”Zekegrabbedhissliceandtookabite.“SoIhavetoactlikeIdon’tknowanything?”

“UntilItalktohim.”

“Letmeknowwhenyoudo.BecauseIwanttogivehimanearful.”

Iactuallyfeltbadformybrother.

Heansweredmyunspokenquestion.“I’mhisbestfriend.Heshouldhavetoldmeaboutthis.”

“Kaydenismybestfriend,butshedidn’ttellmeeither.Soyou’reingoodcompany.”

“AnytimeI’mwithyou,I’mingoodcompany.”Hetookanotherbiteandchewedlikehedidn’tjust

saysomethingthatcouldmakememelt.Hehadmoveswithouteventrying.OrmaybeitwasjustbecauseI

wassoheadoverheelsthateverythinghesaidmademyheartburnwithhope.

***

“Ineedtotalktoyou.”IgrabbedtheremoteandturnedofftheTV.

“Youknowwhat?”Rexsatupandglaredatme.“I’mreallytiredofthewayyoubargeinallthe

time.”

“Intomyownlivingroom?”

“Well,youdon’tneedtoturnofftheTV,”hesaiddefensively.“I’mwatchingthegame.”

“There’salwaysagameon,Rex.Youcan’twatchthemall.”Isatontheothercouchandtossedmy

purseaside.

“ThenhurryupandspititoutsoIcangetbacktoit.”

“I know about you and Kayden.” I just came out and said it, being blunt about it. There was no

goodwaytostartthisconversation,andtherealsowasn’tabadwaytostartiteither.Nomatterwhat,it

wouldbeawkward.

Rex kept his expression exactly the same, giving nothing away. “That we’re friends and nothing

more?”

“Thatyouwerefuckbuddiesforalongtimeuntilyoudumpedher.”

Rex’sfacecontortedintooneoffear.Hiseyeswidenedandhestoppedbreathingfornearlyfive

seconds. “Uh…” He couldn’t think of a clever lie to get him out of this rut so he continued to sit there

awkwardly,mumblingrandomwords.“Hmm…”

Ilethimsitonthehotseatalittlelongeraspunishment.“I’mgoingtobestraightwithyoueven

thoughKaydendoesn’twantmeto.BecauseIthinkthere’sachancethatshemeansmoretoyouthanjust

somehookup.Thereasonwhyshe’sbeensleepingaroundisbecauseshe’sheartbrokenoveryou.Before

youhookedup,shewasinlovewithyou.She’sbeeninlovewithyouforyears.Shethoughtifyouguys

startedfoolingaround,somethingmoreseriouswouldhappen.Whenyoudumpedher,shewasdevastated.

Shestillisdevastated.”

AllthetensionlefthisbodyonceheheardexactlywhatIsaid.Hiseyesfoundmine,andtherewas

nothingbutpuresadnessthere—alongwithsomeself-loathing.“Shetoldyouthis?Shetoldyoushewas

inlovewithme?”

“Yes.UndertheassumptionIwouldn’ttellyouanyofthis.”

HeleanedbackintothecushionandstaredattheblankTVscreen.Hisfeaturesslackenedandhis

eyeswerefullofnothingbuttheabyss.Hedidn’treactbecausehewastooshockedbywhatIjustsaid.

“Thenwhydidyoutellme?”

“Fortworeasons.Yougettodecidewhichone.”

Nowhejustlookedconfused.

“If you don’t feel anything toward her, then I’m telling you to make you feel like shit. That was

reallystupidofyou,Rex.Youshouldn’thavefuckedaroundwithmybestfriendandusedherlikethat.

Shedeservesbetterthanthatandyouknowit.”

Guiltstretchedacrosshisface.

“Orbecauseyoumightseeherasmorethanjustafuckbuddyandyoucanaskheroutonareal

dateandseewhereitgoes.Now,youdecidewhichreasonit’sgoingtobe.”

Rex didn’t say anything for a long time. Seven minutes of pure silence passed while he hardly

lookedatme.Hewasstoiclikeastatue,histhoughtshiddendeepbehindhiseyes.Hewasnormallyeasy

toread,butnowhewasjustanenigma.

“Rex?”Ipressed.

“I’mthinking.”

“Sorry,I’veneverseenyouthinkbefore.Notsurewhatitlookedlike.”Ishouldn’tbesovicious

rightnow,butIcouldn’thelpit.IwaspissedathimforfoolingaroundwithKayden.Itwasamiraclethey

werestillfriends.

Hedidn’tshootmeacomeback,probablybecausehewasdeepinthought.“Doessheknowabout

thisconversation?”

“No.”

“Thenwhyareyoutellingme?”

“I’mgivingyouachancetochangethings.”

“Changethings?”

“I’veseenyoumopearoundthehouseforthepastmonth.Youhaven’tbeenyourselfinalongtime.

Ihaven’tseenyoubringagirloverhereinthatamountoftimeeither,andyouseemmiserable.Itmakes

mewonderifyou’reupsetoverKaydenandyoudon’tevenrealizeit.”

Heleanedforwardandrestedhiselbowsonhisknees.

“So?”

“Sowhat?”

“Isthathowyoufeel?”

Hepinchedthebridgeofhisnose.“Idon’tknow…”

“Howdoyounotknow?”Idemanded.

“Ijustdon’t,okay?Ihaven’tfeltcomplexemotionslikethis…ever.”

Thatwasdead-on.“Ifyoudodecidetopickthingsupagain,don’ttellherItoldyouanything.She

madeitclearshewantedyoutocometoheronyourownterms,becauseyouwanttobewithherandno

otherreason.IfsheknowsItalkedtoyou,she’llthinkyourfeelingsaren’tassincere.”

“Okay.”

“Yougotit?”Iasked.“I’mstickingmyneckoutforyourightnow,sorememberthat.”

“Whyareyoudoingthat?”

“BecauseIknowyou,Rex.Iknowyoudon’treadpeopleverywell.Ithoughtgivingyouaheads

upwouldhelpyoudecidewhattodo.Iknowyouaren’tajerkandwouldneverhurtheronpurpose,so

you’regoingtowanttomakeitright—onewayoranother.”

“Well…thanks.”

Iknewhewouldn’tdiscussanythingelsewithmesoIleftthecouch.

“So,areyougoingtomakeamoveonZeke?”Thequestioncameoutofnowhere.“I’msureyou

knowhe’ssingle.”

Iturnedbacktohim.“I’mnotgonnapressurehimrightafterhebrokeupwithRochelle.Itwould

be terrible timing, and I’m sure he’s still emotional about the whole thing. When I think he’s ready, I’ll

mentionit.”

Henodded.“Goodcall.”

ChapterSeventeen

Rex

Rae just dropped a bomb on me, and even days later, I was feeling the aftershocks. Kayden not

onlyfeltsomethingmorethanfriendshiptowardme—butshe’dbeeninlovewithmeforyears.

NowwhenIlookedbackontheobvioustensionbetweenus,Iunderstoodwhatwasreallygoing

on. She was nervous around me, feeling an attraction that I was totally unaware of. She saw me as

somethingmoreseriousthanafriend,andwhenIpickedupgirlsrightinfrontofher,shewasdevastated.

NowIknewwhyshecriedthatnightwhenwehaddinner.

BecauseIpickeduptwogirlsrightinfrontofher.

Damn,Ifeltlikeanass.

How did I not notice how she felt all this time? Every time we had sex, I just thought she was

goodinbed.Ihadnoclueherfeelingsextendedbeyondthemutualpleasureourbodiesmadewhenwe

movedtogether.

Notadamnclue.

Lately,I’dbeenbummedaboutseeingKaydenmoveoninthedatingscene.EverytimeIsawher,

shewaswithadifferentguy.AndRaetoldmeshewasgoingthroughthemquickerthananyoneelseshe’d

everknown.

ButnowthatIknewtherealreason,IunderstoodallthedamageIcaused.

Shewassleepingaroundsoshewouldstopthinkingaboutme.Soherheartwouldberepairedand

shecouldmoveonwithherlife.

Thiswasentirelymyfault.

IknewIwasjealouswhenIsawherwithothermen.WhenIsawheratthebarwithsomeguy

droolingalloverher,IwassodepressedIwenthomeandstraighttobed—atnine.Ididn’ttrypicking

someoneuporcallingaregular.AllIwantedtodowasbealoneandsufferinmyownmisery.

DidthatmeanIlovedher?

Lovewasacomplicatedfeeling,andIdidn’treallyunderstandit.IknewIlovedRaebecauseshe

wasmysisterandwewerefamily.IknewIlovedZekebecausehewasmybestfriend,andhewasas

goodasfamily.Butromanticlove…Ihadnoexperienceinthatrealm.AllIeverfeltwasmydickgethard

—that’sit.

IfIlovedher,IfiguredIwouldknow.AndsinceIdidn’tknow,Iassumedtheanswerwasno.

ButIfeltsomething.

Iwouldn’tbedepressedrightnowifIonlysawherasafriend.Iwouldn’tbejealousoftheguys

whohithersheetsifshedidn’tmattertome.Iwouldn’thatemyselfforhurtingherifIreallydidn’tgivea

damn.

Therewassomethingthere.

ShouldItellher?

ShouldItalktoher?

WhatwouldIsay?

WhatwouldIdo?

Iwouldn’tknowuntilImannedupanddidsomething.

***

WhenIknockedonherdoor,Iwasterrifiedtoseeheropenit.

Whatifaguywasinthere?

WhatifIhadtowatchhimwalkout,asatisfiedsmileonhisface?

WouldIpunchhimrightonthespot?

Kaydencrackedthedooropen.Shewasinjeansandat-shirt,probablytheclothessheworeto

workthatday.Herblondehairwasinabraidoveroneshoulder,andthesunkenlookinhereyestoldme

shehadn’tsleptwellinalongtime.

NowthatIknewhowshereallyfelt,Icouldseethedespairburninginhereyes.Shewasamess,

heartbrokenanddamagedlikeawreckingballshatteredherentireapartment.Shewastenpoundslighter

thanwhenwestarteddating,anditwasthekindofweightshecouldn’taffordtolose.Shewasalreadyso

thinasitwas.

Sheclearedherthroatbeforeshespoke.“Hey,everythingalright?”

No.Nothingwasalright.“Yeah…areyoubusyrightnow?”Ifadudewasinthere,I’dflipout.I

knew it. I couldn’t handle it anymore. The jealousy was getting the best of me and turning me into the

worstkindofasshole.

“No.What’sup?”

“CanIcomein?”Istillwasn’tsurewhatIwouldsaywhenIfinallyhadherfullattention.Itwould

besomucheasierifshecouldjustreadmymindanddeterminewhatIreallywanted.

“Uh,sure.”Shesteppedasideandallowedmeintoherapartment.

That’swhenInoticedhowbaggyherjeanswere.Theywereloosearoundherhipsandwaist.I

triednottostareasIwalkedintoherlivingroomandsatdown.Rightinthatspot,she’driddenmelikea

cowgirl.Justafewfeetoverwastheplacewhereshesuckedmeoffforthefirsttime.Iwonderedifany

otherguyhaderasedthosememories.Iftheydid,Iwouldfeelsick.

She sat on the other couch and watched me, clearly awkward with my unexpected visit. “So…

what’sup?”

Irubbedmypalmstogetherandtriedtothinkofsomethingtosay.Isortedthroughdifferentoptions

inmymindbutcouldn’tthinkofanythinggood.Idecidedtogowiththetruth,thepartsthatIwascertain

of.“Ihateseeingyouwithotherguys.Theothernight,whenthatjackasshadhisarmaroundyou,Ididn’t

likeit.”

Kayden’s expression finally held some life. She looked astonished, like that was the last thing I

couldpossiblysaytoher.Shewasfrozenstiffinherseat,completelyshocked.

“Iknowyou’vebeenseeingalotofguyslatelybecauseRaementioneditand…itbothersme.I

haven’tbeenabletosleepwellbecauseit’sallIcanthinkabout.WhenIpictureyouwithothermen,it…

hurts.” I stared at the floor because I couldn’t believe I was saying any of this. “I know I ended our

arrangement.Atthetime,IthoughtIwasfinewithit.ButImissyou.Imisstalkingtoyou.Iwalkedaway

becauseIthoughtIwasdoingtherightthing.Ididn’twantyoutogetattachedtome.But…IthinkIgot

attachedtoyou.”

Shetookadeepbreathlikeshewaswinded.

Istilldidn’tlookatherbecauseIfeltawkwardsayinganyofthistoheratall.“I’mnotsurewhatI

want,Kayden.AllIknowis,Idon’twantyoutoseeanyoneelse.Ihaven’tbeenwithanyonesinceyou,so

youdon’tneedtoworryaboutme.”

Ifeltherpiercinggazedrillintomyface.

Ilookedup.

The expression she gave me was one I’d never seen before. She was equally stunned and

mesmerizedattheexactsametime.“Youhaven’tbeenwithanyoneelse?”

Ishookmyhead.

Shepointedherfingeratherchest.“Justme?”

Inodded.“Ihaven’thadtheurgetobewithanyoneelse.WhenIbroughtyousoupthatoneday,it

wasjustanexcusetoseeyou.Butyouthrewmeoutlikeyoudidn’twantanythingtodowithme.Then

when I saw you with the rest of the gang, you were always hooking up with different guys…and I still

didn’twanttobewithanyoneelse.IhavenoideawhatIwant,butI’mcertainofwhatIdon’twant.”

Shewrappedherarmsaroundhertinytorsolikeshewascold.

“MaybeI’mtoolate.Maybeyoupreferdoingwhatyou’redoing.Butifyou’reinterested…maybe

we could go out or something?” I couldn’t believe I was asking her out on a date. I’d never done that

before,notromantically.MyheartwasracinginmychestbecauseIwasterrifiedheranswerwouldbe

no.Maybeshelovedmebefore,butafterthewayIhurther,shemightnotwantanythingtodowithme.

“I’dlovethat.”Theemotioncaughtinherthroatandhervoicenearlycracked.

“So…nootherguys?”Iwasn’tusuallythemonogamoustype,butIwantedtoknowIwouldbethe

onlymaninherliferightnow.

“Nootherguys,”shewhispered.

I immediately felt better. All the weight I’d been carrying on my shoulders finally disappeared.

Thestressonmychestwasgone,andIfinallyfoundsomepeace.Istaredatherontheothercouchand

feltmylonginggrow.Ihadn’thadanyalonetimewithherinoveramonth.Andnowshewasjustafew

feetaway.

I moved to the couch beside her and wrapped my arm around her waist. Just like before, it felt

right. It seemed like her waist was made just for my arm. I pulled her close to me and rested my face

againsthers.“Idon’tcareifanyoneknowsaboutus.”IhadtopretendIdidn’tknowRaeknew,andIfelt

deceitfulforsayingit.ButZekedidn’tknow,andIneededtotellhimbeforeRaebeatmetothepunch.“If

theygiveusshitforit,thenwhatever.”

Shefinallysmiled,abeautifulone.Thedepressedfeaturesofherfacesuddenlysoftened,fading

awayasherhappinessshonethrough.ThelookshegavemewasoneI’dseenahundredtimesbutnever

reallynoticed.Butthistime,Inoticed.

AndIwouldalwaysnotice.

ChapterEighteen

Rae

“That guy is totally checking you out.” I noticed him glance at Jessie a few times before his

glancesturnedintofull-blownstaring.Hecouldbarelykeephiseyesoffherformorethanafewminutes.

Hewashertypewithdarkskin,darkhair,andmocha-coloredeyes.

Jessieplayeditcoolasshestoodbesidemeatthebar.“Where?”

“Threeo’clock.”

“Tellmewhenhe’snotlooking.”Shesippedherthirddrink.

Iwasalreadyonmyfourth.“Okay,now.”

She quickly glanced, looked him up and down, and then faced forward again. She did it all in

strideandwithperfectgrace.“IlikewhatIsee.”

Mybuzzwasquicklyturningintoadrunkenhaze.Icouldfeelthefogcovermyeyesandlowermy

inhibitions.“Yougonnagoforit?”

“No.I’mgonnaplayitcoolforalittlebit.”

Ididn’tquestionhergame.Sheknewwhatshewasdoing.

“Seeanyoneyoulike?”

Ididn’tbotherlookingaround.“Zekeisn’there.Sono,Idon’tseeanyoneIlike.”

“Girl,pickupaguyforthenight.WhoknowshowlongitwillbebeforeZekeisreadytomove

forward.Youshouldgetsomewhileyouwait.You’vewaitedlongenoughasitis.”

Ihadn’tgottenlaidinfourmonths,andthedryspellwaskillingme.“Itdoesn’tmatterhowhornyI

am.TheonlypersonIwantisZeke.ThisroomcouldbefullofChippendales,andIstillwouldn’tfeel

anything.”

“Damn,you’vegotitbad.”

“Iknow.”Isighedandslouchedatthecounter.“He’ssohot,Jessie.Like,youdon’tunderstand.”

“Ihaveeyes,”shesnapped.“Yes,Iunderstand.”

“Ijustwanttograbhisfaceandkisshim.Iwanttoridehimallnightlong.HowdidInotnotice

justhowdamnperfecthewas?”

Sheshrugged.“Beatsme.”Shedownedtherestofherdrinkbeforesheturnedtome.“I’mgoingto

makemymove.IhaveafeelingI’mnotgonnacomeback.You’llmakeithomeonyourownokay?”

Irolledmyeyes.“I’mabiggirl.Don’tworryaboutme.”

“You’resure?You’reontheroadtoHammerville.”

“Iknowhowtouseaphone.Seriously,go.Haveanorgasmforme.”

“Onit.”Shekissedmeonthecheekbeforeshewalkedaway.Shestrutteduptoherprey,flasheda

smile,andhewashers.

Isatatthebarandorderedanotherdrink.Istuckoutlikeasorethumbsittingalone,butIdidn’t

care.IwashappythatJessielandedastudfortheevening.TheonlystudIwantedwasprobablyathome

playingvideogames.

“Hey,I’mPaul.”Someguyappearedoutofnowhereandextendedhishand.

Ishookit.“Hi,Paul.I’mRae.”

“Prettynameforaprettygirl.”

Whataline.

“CanIgetyouanotherdrink?”

“No.”Iraisedmyhand.“I’vealreadyhadonetoomany.”

“ThencanIsithereandwatchyoudrinkit?”

Heseemedlikeaniceguy,andIfeltbadforblowinghimoff.“I’llbehonestwithyou.I’mhungup

onsomeotherguyrightnow.Notlookingforanything.”

“Thenwhyaren’tyouwithhim?”

“Hedoesn’tknowIexist…”

“Well,howaboutIhelpyougetoverhim?Youcangetunderme,andbymorning,he’llbeoutof

yourhead.”

Andanotherline.“Iappreciatetheoffer,butI’mnotinterested.Butthanksfortalkingtome.”

“Well,I’llseeyouaround,Rae.”

“Youtoo,Paul.”

Hewalkedaway,andIstaredatmydrinkinmisery.Ifeltthealcoholseepfurtherintomybody

and confuse me even more. I couldn’t differentiate time and my lids were falling. When I looked for

Jessie,Icouldn’tfindher.Butthenagain,Icouldn’trememberwhatshelookedlike.

IknewIneededtogetoutoftherebeforeIdidsomethingreallystupid.SoIwalkedoutsideand

didsomethingstupidanyway.IcalledZeke.

Heansweredafterafewrings.“Hey,pizzagirl.”

Ididn’tcareaboutthenickname.“Here’sthedeal…”Icouldbarelyputmywordstogether.“I’m

totallydrunkrightnowatthisplace…andIdon’tknowwhereIam.So—”

“I’monmyway.Whatbarareyouat?”

Iturnedaroundandsquintedatthesign.“Voodoodoodoo…”

“Voodoo?”heaskedwithachuckle.

“Idon’tknow…there’salotofO’s.”

“I’llbethereassoonaspossible.Areyoustandingoutside?”

“Yep.I’mwearingatinylittledresslikeahooker.”

Hechuckledagain.“Iloveitwhenyou’redrunk.”

“Soyoucantakeadvantageofme?”Iaskedhopefully.I’dgiveanythingtofeelhislipsallover

mybody.

“Iwish.ButI’mtoomuchofagoodguy.”

Icouldn’ttellifhewaskiddingornot.

“Holdtight.I’llbetheresoon.”

***

ZekepulledupinhisJeepandopenedhisdriverdoor.

“Igotit.”Iopenedthepassengerdoorbutnearlyfellintothegutter.

Zeke showed mercy by not laughing. He gripped me by the hips and hoisted me inside like I

weighednothing.Heprotectedmyheadthenscootedmylegsacrosstheseat.Heevenwenttheextramile

andbuckledmysafetybelt.

“I’mnotachild.”

“ButyouwalklikeBambi.Soyou’reworsethanachild.”Hesmiledbeforeheshutthedoor.

He got on the road and pushed through the traffic of the night. He didn’t ask me any questions

aboutmynight.

Iknewhewastakingmehome,butIdidn’twanttogothere.“Couldwegotoyourplace?”

“Why?”Hekepthiseyesontheroad.

“Ijustdon’twanttodealwithRex.HeusuallypullsprankswhenI’mdrunk.”

“Likethetimehepouredmeltedbutteralloveryouwhileyouweresleeping?”

I’dneverforgethowstickymyhairwaswhenIwokeupinthemorning.“Yes…”

Helaughed.“Thatwasprettygood,youhavetoadmitthat.”

Ishothimaglare.

“Alright.”Heturnedonhisblinker.“We’llgotomyplaceuntilyousoberup.”

He drove to his place near the coast and on a secluded road. His front yard was covered with

treesandgrass,andtheporchlightwason.Hepulledintothegarageandshutthedoorbehindhimbefore

hehelpedmeintothehouse.

“Wantsometea?”heasked.“ItusuallyhelpsmewhenI’mwasted.Alittlehoneyhelpsitgodown

easiertoo.”

“No, it’s okay.” I leaned against the wall and pulled off my heels. All the little straps made it

nearlyimpossible.AllIdidwastugandnearlysnappedmyankle.

Zekespottedmydiscomfortthenkneeleddowntohelpme.Heheldmylegandbalancedmeashe

pulled one heel off. Then he undid the other before he slipped it off my foot. He touched my body

delicatelydespitethestrongmusclesthatcoveredhisbody.Thenherosetohisfullheightandlookedat

me,hisblueeyessuddenlyintense.

IknewIwasn’tmyself,andIneededtobeaslogicalaspossible.But,Ididn’twanttobelogical.

I’dspentallnightatabar,butallIcoulddowasthinkabouthim.Ididn’twanttosleepinmyownbed

withamassivedog.Iwantedtosharemybedwithhim.

Myeyesmovedtohislipsandtheurgetookover.Iwantedmyhandsalloverhim,andIwanted

thosestronghandsalloverme.Myinhibitionsweresolowtheywerepracticallynon-existent,andright

now,itdidn’tseemlikeabadideatokisshim.

SoIdid.

IwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandpressedmymouthtohislikeI’ddoneitahundredtimes.

Mylipsbrushedagainsthisbeforetheyfullycametogether.TheyweresoftandfulllikeIexpected,and

thesecondweconnected,IfeltthechemistryI’dbeendreamingabout.Realitywasdifficulttounderstand

whenIwasfloatinglikethis.LikeIwasonacloud,Ifelthigherthanthesky.

Myhandscuppedhisneck,andIfelthispowerfulpulseunderneathmytouch.Evenhisneckwas

cordedandmuscular.Icouldfeelthestrengthineveryinchofhisphysique.Myhandssliddowntohis

shoulders,andIfelttheirsolidstrength.

Butnothingcomparedtohowgoodhismouthfeltonmine.

Zeke kissed me back slowly, like he’d been expecting the embrace to happen. The kiss was

restrained, like he was holding himself back from doing what he really wanted. But then his resistance

snapped, and he cupped my face with his warm hand and pressed me against the wall. He kissed me

harder once he had me pinned, his muscled chest pressed right against mine. He breathed hard into my

mouththengavemesomeofhistongue,takingthekisstoalevelI’dwantedforweeks.

Iwantedhimbetweenmylegsthenandthere.Iwantedtoundohisjeanssohecouldtakemeright

intheentryway.I’dbeenwaitingsolongtohavethisgorgeousman,andIdidn’twanttowaitanylonger.

Itdidn’tmatterhowstupidofanideathiswas.Myimpatiencegotthebestofme.

ButZekeendedit.

Hepulledawaythenclearedhisthroat,theregretanddesirebattlinginhiseyes.Hesteppedback

andclearedhisthroat.

Ifeltthecoldrejectionsweepacrossme.Thatkisswasfantastic,evenifIwasdrunk,andIdidn’t

wantittoend.Ididn’twantZeketopushmeawayjustbecausehesawmeasafriend.Ifheevergaveme

anotherchance,Icouldmakehimseemeinadifferentway.

“I’mgonnamakethattea…”Hewalkedintothekitchen.

Iwantedtoslidetothefloorandnevergetupagain.Butthetilewascold,andIwasinashort

dress.Iwentintothelivingroomandlayonthecouch,wantingtofallasleepandforgetthisnightever

happened.Ishouldn’thavecalledZekeinthefirstplace.

TheonegoodthingaboutthissituationwasIprobablywouldn’trememberitinthemorning.

Thankgod.

Iclosedmyeyesforamoment,andmusthavedriftedoff,becauseZeke’sappearancestartledme.

Hesettheteaonthetable,steambillowingfromthesurface.Heeyedmewithconcernbeforehe

satontheedgeofthetableandwatchedme.

Itriedtositup,butIwastooweak.“I’msorry…”

“It’sokay,Rae.”

“I’mjustreallydrunkrightnow…”

“Youdon’tneedtoexplain.It’snotabigdeal.”

“Itisabigdeal.”Thatkisswasn’tjustsexuallymotivated.Therewasalotmoretoit.

“Icanforgetaboutifitifyoucan.”

Hewasgivingmeawayoutbecausehewasagoodguy.ButIdidn’twantagoodguy.“Idon’t

wanttoforgetaboutit…”

Hiseyessoftened.

Iscootedagainstthebackofthecouchthenpattedthecushionbesideme.“Liewithme.”

Heconsideredthesuggestionbeforeheslippedoffhisshoesandgotcomfortablebesideme.

MyarmimmediatelywentaroundhisneckandIhookedmylegaroundhiswaist,doingexactly

whatIwanteddespitethewayhestoppedourkiss.

Hedidn’tpushmeoffhim.Instead,hegrabbedtheblankethangingoverthebackofthecouchand

covereduswithit,hidingthebottomhalfofourbodiesfromview.Thenhewrappedhisarmaroundmy

waistandpulledmeclosertohim,hisfacejustinchesfrommine.

Itwasheaven.

Andmaybeevenbetterthanthatkiss.

I’dfantasizedaboutamomentlikethisatwork.Ipictureduslyingtogetheronthecouchwiththe

TV on in the background, rain hitting the patio door as it sprinkled. I pictured Safari lying on the floor

withhiseyesclosed.ThiswaswhatIwantedeverysingleday.

Whenheshiftedhisposition,Icouldfeelthedefinitionofhiscockthroughhisjeansrightagainst

myhips.Itwasthick,long,andlarge.ExactlywhatIhopedwashidinginsidethosejeans.Hemusthave

knownitwastherebecauseitwastoobigtoignore.

Whichmeanthewantedme.

Hewasstillattractedtome.

Therewashope.

“Zeke,you’resohot.”Ineverwouldhaveblurtedthatoutinamillionyearswithoutdrinkingthree

LongIslandIcedTeaandtwolemonsdrops.

Hisdeepvoicecameoutquietly.“Ithinkyou’rehottoo,Rae.”

“ButIthinkyou’rereallyhot.Like,damn.”

Hesmiledwithhiseyesandnothislips.“Ithoughtaboutyouintheshowerthismorning.Canyou

topthat?”

Mypussyimmediatelyclenched.“Yes,Ican.BecauseIthinkaboutyoueverynight.”

Theheatcameintohisgazeandhesqueezedmealittletighter.Hepressedhisfaceagainstmine

butdidn’tkissme.“Whatareyoudoingtome?”

“Notnearlyenough.”

Hebrushed his lipsacross my cheekbefore he placed akiss on myforehead. “Close your eyes

andgetsomesleep.”

ThelastthingIwantedtodowasgetsomesleep.“I’mnotnormallylikethis…”

Hestaredatme,notunderstandingmymeaning.

“Idon’tthrowmyselfatguyslikethis.WhenIwenttothebarwithJessie,allIcouldthinkabout

wasyou.I’veneverwantedsomeoneIcouldn’thavesobadly.”

Hishandmovedthroughmyhairslowly,anditlookedlikehemightkissmeagain.“Youcanhave

me,Rae.Justnottonight.”

“Why?”

“Becauseyouaren’tgoingtorememberthisinthemorning.”

***

Iwokeupwiththeworstmigraineever.

Luckily,twopillsweresittingonthetablewithaglassofwater.Itossedthemdownmythroatand

practicallychuggedthewater.Isatuprightandfeltthepaininmyheadincreasewitheverymovement.

Damn,whathappenedlastnight?

Zekewalkedoverwithaplateinhishand.Hesetitonthetable,andthat’swhenIsawtheveggie

omelet.“Youhadaroughnight.”

“Yeah…I kinda figured.” I pulled the plate toward me. “Thanks for breakfast. That was nice of

you.”

“Ofcourse.”Hesatbesidemeandkeptstaringatme.

“What?”Iaskedwithouttakingmyeyesoffmyfood.

“Howdoyoufeel?”

“I’vebeenbetter.”

Hekeptstaringatme.“Doyourememberanythingaboutlastnight?”

“Why?DidIdosomethingstupid?”IatehalfoftheomeletbeforeIlookedathim.

Heheldmygaze.“No.Youcalledmeandaskedforaride.Wasn’tsureifyourememberedthat.”

“Actually,no.ButIfiguredthat’swhathappenedwhenIwokeuponyourcouch.”

Heleanedbackintothecouchandwaitedformetofinishmybreakfast.

“Sorry,Icrashedonyourcouchlastnight.”

“It’snobigdeal.Youknowmycouchalwayshasyournamewrittenonit.”

“Thanks,”Isaidwithasmile.Ifinishedmybreakfastandwipedtheplateclean.“I’llgetoutof

yourhairandtakeanUberhome.”Iplacedmydishinthesinkthengrabbedmyshoesfromthecorner.

“Idon’tmindtakingyouhome.”Zekefollowedme,wearinghissweatpantsandaMarinerst-shirt.

“It’sokay.You’vedoneenough.”IwantedtohughimgoodbyebutIsuddenlyfeltawkwarddoing

that.Ialreadycalledhimtopickmeuplastnight.MyfeelingsforZekewereobviouslydirectingmostof

mybehavior.

“Areyousure?Ireallydon’tmind.”

“It’sokay.I’llprobablygotoJessie’ssoIcanhearabouthernight.I’llseeyoulater.”

Thistime,hedidn’tfightme.“Alright.Lunchtomorrow?”

MyworkdaywassomuchbetterwhenImethimforlunch.“Yeah,sure.”

“I’lltextyouwhere.”

“Alright.Bye.”

“Bye.”Hewatchedmegobeforeheshutthedoor.

ChapterNineteen

Rex

Zeke slid into the booth across from me and ordered a beer from the bartender. Wings were

alreadyonthetablesohegrabbedafewandmunchedonthemlikeeverythingwasperfectlynormal.

“So…Rae slept over last night?” I kept the accusation out of my tone, but only by sheer

determination.WhenRaesaidshecrashedathisplace,Iwasn’tallowedtoaskanyquestions,basedon

myagreementwithher.ButIwassureashellgonnaaskZekeaboutit.

“Yeah.”Hegrabbedafewmorewingsandkepteating.

“That’sit?Youaren’tgoingtoelaborateonthat?”

Withastraightface,hestoppedeatingandsaid,“IwillwhenyoutellmeaboutKayden.”

Ishutmymouthimmediately.

Nowhislookwasfullofaccusation.“Yeah,Raetoldme.Notyou,Rae.”

“Letmeexplain—”

“Yeah,youbettergetonthat.”

Itoldhimeverythingfromthebeginninguntilthepresentpointintime.

Hegavemethesamelifelessexpression.“Andyouthoughtthatwasagoodidea?”

“Sheofferedherselftome.WasIsupposedtosayno?”

“Yes,idiot.”

“LikeyouwouldsaynoifRaeofferedherselftoyou.”

“Ididlastnight,”hesnapped.

NowallmythoughtsofKaydenweregone.“Whoa,let’sbackup…Whathappened?”

“She came on to me a few times last night. She was pretty drunk, and she’s usually aggressive

whenshe’sdrunk.ShekissedmeandIstoppedit.That’sreallyaboutit.”

Islammedmyhandsdownonthetable.“That’sit?YoujusthadyourfirstkisswithRae.”

“No,Ididn’t.”

“Soyou’vekissedherbefore?”Mynostrilsflared.

“No.”Hespokeinaboredvoice.“Itdoesn’tcount.”

“Itsureashelldoescount.”

“Notwhenshedoesn’trememberit.”

“Oh…shewokeupthismorningandforgot?”

He nodded. “She was totally hammered, man. I wasn’t going to start anything up when she was

like that. Don’t get me wrong, I was flattered. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect Rae to—” He

stoppedtalkingwhenhesawthepissedlookonmyface.“Ijustdidn’tthinkweshouldstartofflikethat.

Since she wouldn’t remember any of it, that made it easier. We can keep doing what we’re doing, and

whenI’mready,I’llgoforit.”

“Andwhenisthatgoingtobe?”

“Soon.”Thatwasallhesaid.

“Rochellehasbeengoneforalmostamonthnow.Ithinkyou’vewaitedlongenough.”

“Yeah,IthinkIhavetoo.ButIwantthemomenttoberight,youknow?”

“I’msureRaeiswaitingforthesamemoment.”

“Yeah,you’reprobablyright,”hesaid.

“Sofunny,”Isaid.“Youbothhavefeelingsforeachother,butyouguysdon’tknowit.”

“Iknowshehasfeelingsforme,”hecorrected.

“Yeah,butshe’scluelessaboutyourfeelingsforher.”

“Andlet’skeepitthatway,”hesaid.“Youdidn’ttellher,right?”

“Nope.”Izippedmylips.“WhichiswhyyoushouldforgivemeforthewholeKaydenthing.”

Heglaredatme.“Youliedtomeforsixmonths.You’regoingtohavetostepitupifyouwant

forgiveness.”

“Oh,comeon.Itwasacomplicatedsituation.”

“Youstillcouldhavetoldmenomatterhowcomplicateditwas.Andwhat’sgoingonnow?Are

you dating?” He grabbed a handful of fries and shoved them onto his plate. He grabbed the bottle of

ketchupandsquirteditacross.

“Iaskedherifshewantedtohavedinner.Iwouldn’tsaywe’redating.We’rejustnotseeingother

people.”

ZekegavemealookI’dbeengettingfromhimmywholelife.“Thatmeansyou’redating.”

“No,notreally.We’rejusthangingoutexclusively.”

“Dating.”

“Hellno.Wearen’tfoolingaround.”

“Youaren’t?”heaskedinsurprise.

“No.Iwanttotakeadifferentapproachthistime.”

Nowhesmirked.“So,dating.”

“Shutthehellup,man.”

“I’mjusttellingyouhowitis.Notmyfaultifyoudon’twanttoseeitthatway.”

WhenIthoughtabouthisdefinitionofdating,IrealizedIcoulduseitagainsthim.“Thenyouand

Raearedating.”

“Howso?”

“You’re not seeing anyone but each other. You have feelings for each other but you don’t fool

around.Boom!You’redating.”

Heconsideredmywordsashemunchedonahandfuloffries.“Iguessyouaren’tdatingKayden.”

“Takethat,asshole.”

“Butdoesitreallycountifshedoesn’tknow?”hequestioned.“Becauseshedoesn’tknowhowI

feelaboutheryet.So…Ithinkyou’rewrong.”

HehadmeandIknewit.“Damn…”

“Sorry,man.Betterlucknexttime.”

***

I arrived at Kayden’s door with a handful of flowers. I saw them in the store window when I

walkedtoherapartment,soIthoughtIwouldgrabafewtomakeagoodimpression.Ipissedallovermy

otherfirstimpression.

Whensheopenedthedoor,hermouthformedthebiggestsmileI’deverseen.“Oh,wow.They’re

beautiful.”Shetookthemfrommyhandsandimmediatelysmelledthem.“Thankssomuch…”

Seeing how happy the simple gesture made her somehow made me feel like shit. I could have

treatedherbettertobeginwithifIjustputinalittleeffort.Instead,Iwasanassholeandstompedallover

herheart.“You’rewelcome.Areyoureadyfordinner?”

“Yeah.”Sheputtheflowersinavasefilledwithwaterthengrabbedherclutch.Sheworeleggings

withalongblouseontop.Itflatteredherbeautifulcurves,andthecolorcomplementedherniceskintone

aswell.Shelookedperfect,likealways.

I knew I should tell her that. “You look…really… yeah.” That was the best I could do. I was

nervousbecauseI’dneverdonethisbefore,andIwasalreadyinthedoghouseforscrewingeverything

uptobeginwith.

SheunderstooditwasthebestIcoulddo.“Thanks.Youlookhandsome,likealways.”

Shesaiditsowhycouldn’tI?“Thanks.”

WewenttoanItaliancaféafewblocksfromherapartment.Itwasnicebutnottoofancy.Ididn’t

wantourfirstdatetobetoointensesinceIwasalreadyuncomfortableasitwas.Thepressurewasonmy

shoulders,andsheprobablyfeltthestrainaswell.

Shelookedathermenu,hergazedownandhereyesscanningasshereadtheselections.

Ididn’thaveanappetitesoIjustpickedthefirstthingonthelist.

Afterthewaitercameandtookourorders,hedisappearedandleftusalonetogether.

Sheusedtobetheawkwardonewhenwewerealonetogether,butnowIwastheawkwardone.

“Howwaswork?”

“Good.ButIthinkI’mgoingtobeleavingsoon.”

“Why?”

“Thedirectorsaidthey’reclosingdownthelibrarylaterthisyear.Notenoughincometokeepthe

lightson.Peoplejustdon’tgotothelibraryanymore.Everythingisdigitalnow.”

“Wow,I’msosorry.”

Sheshrugged.“It’sokay.I’llfindanotherjob.Ihavealotoftimetogeteverythingtogether.”

“Istillfeelbad.Iknowyoulovethatplace.”

“Well,Ilovebeingsurroundedbybooksallday.But,IcanalwaysdothatwhenIgethome.”

Iwantedtosaysomethingtomakeherfeelbetter,butIcouldn’tthinkofanything.

“How’sGroovyBowl?”

“Good,”Ianswered.“Thingshavebeengoingwellsincewereopenedafewmonthsago.Iusedto

thinkitwasjustagrandopeningrush,butnowIthinkit’sthenorm.”

“That’sgreat,Rex.”Shegavemethatsmilethatsaidshewasproudofme.

Ilikedthatsmile.

“Thanks.I’mreallygladZekeandRaehelpedmeout.Iwouldn’tbeherewithoutthem.”

“They’regreatfriends.Nodoubtaboutthat.”

WhenIconsideredhersituationatthelibrary,anideacametome.“Whydon’tyouopenyourown

bookstore? You know, a bookstore and a coffee shop. There are a lot of college kids around here that

couldusetheWi-Fiandacoffee.”

“Oh,Idon’tknowaboutthat.I’mnotreallyabusinesswoman.”

“I’mnotabusinessmaneither,”Isaid.“It’snotashardasitsounds.”

She shrugged. “I don’t really want to work with customers and make coffee. I really only care

aboutthebooks.”

“Youcouldhirepeopletodothoseotherthings.Youwouldjustoverseethestore,organizebook

signings, decorate, decide what books will get on the shelves, stuff like that. It doesn’t have to be

enormous,justasmallshop.”

“Nomatterhowsmallitis,itstillsoundsambitioustome.”

“Giveyourselfmorecredit,Kayden.”Whensheputhermindtosomething,shealwayssucceeded.

Shewasn’t the mostconfident person, butthat didn’t mean shewasn’t competent. “Ihave no doubt you

coulddoitanddoanawesomejob.”

Sheshruggedmodestly.“I’llthinkaboutit.I’llhavetofiguresomethingoutsoon…”

Anideapoppedintomymind,anditwaskindofacrazyone.“Whatifyouworkforme?”

“AtGroovyBowl?”sheaskedwithasmalllaugh.

“Whynot?”Iasked.“Youcouldbeamanagerandoverseethings.Plus,youandIcouldmakeout

intheoffice…”Iwaggledmyeyebrows.

Shelaughedharder.“Idon’tknowthefirstthingaboutbowling.”

“LikeIdo.Anditcouldbetemporaryuntilyoufigureoutwhatyoureallywanttodo.”

“True.Well,thanksfortheoffer.”

“Ofcourse.ButIdoexpectyoutogoaboveandbeyond…ifyouknowwhatImean.”

Sherolledhereyes.“OfcourseIdo,Rex.Wouldn’texpectanythingless.”

***

Afterdinner,wegoticecreamthenIwalkedherhome.Thebeginningofthenightwasawkward

becauseofeverythingwe’dbeenthrough.Ikeptpicturingalltheguysshebroughtbacktoherplace,even

thoughIdidn’twantto.NoneofthatwouldhavehappenedifI’dpulledmyheadoutofmyasssooner.

Iwassurprisedhowmuchfunwehadconsideringwe’dknowneachotherforsolong.IfeltlikeI

gottoknowheralloveragain,butinadifferentway.Shewasstilltensearoundme,butbytheendofthe

night,shewasrelaxedandherself.

Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeIhadthatmuchfun.

Iwalkedhertoherdoorandfeltmycockhardeninsidemyjeans.Spendingtheeveningwithher

mademewanttofinishoffthenightwithsomethingunforgettable.Butadifferentversionofmyselfheld

meback.IaskedheroutbecauseIwantedsomethingmorethanaphysicalrelationship.IfIwantedtodo

thingstherightway,wehadtoslowdown.“Thanksforgoingoutwithme.”

“Thanksfortakingme…”Shestaredatmelikesheexpectedmetokissher.

IwantedtoholdherbutIthoughteventhatwastoosexual.“I’dliketogooutagain.”Ididn’twant

hertothinkIwasn’tgoingtocall.Iwasthereforthelonghaul.ButIwasalsodoingeverythingasslowly

aspossible.

“Metoo.”

“I’llcallyoutomorrow.”

Shecouldn’thidehersurpriseattheodddismissalofourdate.“Doyouwanttocomeinside?”

Morethananythinginthegoddamnworld.“Iwantthingstobedifferentthistime.”

Shenoddedlikesheunderstood.

“Idon’tjustwanttojusthookup.Iwantmore.”

“Idotoo.”

“So…let’stakeitslow.”

“Okay.”

Akissshouldn’tbetoointense,right?Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaistandimmediatelyfelt

thecomfortofthefamiliarintimacy.Shehadwomanlyhipsandabeautifullynarrowwaist.Shefeltalittle

differentinmyembracebecauseoftheweightshelost,butshewasstillperfect.

Ipressedmyforeheadagainsthersandjustheldher,forgettingthekissbecausetheembracewas

just as good. I closed my eyes as I felt her heartbeat pound against my chest. It was wild and out of

control,heremotionsallovertheplace.

Ipulledhercloserintome,feelingmybreathingincreaseasthelongingovertookme.Itookour

relationshipforgrantedoncebefore,butIwouldneverdothatagain.Itwasn’tuntilIlostKaydenthatI

realizedIhadtheloveofaremarkablewoman.Iwastoostupidtorealizeitthen,butIdefinitelyrealized

itnow.

“Imissedthis…”Herwordsdisappearedintothefabricofmyshirt.

Myarmstightenedaroundherwaist,andIrestedmychinonherhead.Together,westoodalonein

the hallway with our arms wrapped around one another. It felt good just to stand there and hold her,

ignoringthepassingoftime.“Imissedthistoo.”

ChapterTwenty

Rae

I put on the dress Jessie let me borrow, the black heels that went with it, and I went a little

extreme on my hair. I’d never spent much time getting ready for anything, but tonight, I went all out. I

curledmyhairandsprayedtheshitoutofthemsotheywouldstayinallnight—andhopefullylastuntilthe

morning.

IwassickofwaitingtomakemymoveonZeke.

Absolutelysickofit.

Iseriouslyhadthehotsforhim,andthisobsessionwasonlygettingworse.WhenIhadlunchwith

himyesterday,IwantedtojumpacrossthetableandstraddlehishipslikeIownedhim.WhenIsleptat

hisplace,Iwantedtowakeupnakedinhisenormousbed.

Icouldn’tkeepthesefeelingsinanylonger.

Ifherejectedme,ouch.Butifhedidn’t…Imightgohomewithhimtonight.

“Damn, you look hot.” Jessie walked into my bedroom and looked me up and down with

approval.“Iknewthatwouldfityouperfectly.Yourtitslookawesomeandyourlegsgoonfordays.”

AcommentlikethatwouldbestrangeifitcamefromanyonebesidesJessieorKayden.Butsince

theyweremybestfriends,theycouldsayanythingtheywantedandgetawaywithit.“Thanks.”

“I’m guessing you’re going for it tonight?” She sat on my bed and watched me get ready in the

mirroronmyvanity.

“Yep.”Iappliedalayeroflipglossandfixedmyhair.“Forbetterorworse.”

“Well,he’sgonnahaveahardtimeturningyoudown,that’sforsure.”

Kayden knocked before she walked in. “Hey—” Her mouth stretched into an enormous smile.

“Damn,Rae’sgothergrooveback.”

“Youlike?”Iturnedandposedforher.

“Yeah.Butyouknowwho’sreallygoingtolikeit?”Kaydensaid.“Thathunk,Zeke.”

“God,Ihopeso.”Afteronemorelookinthemirror,Iturnedaway.“Alright,anychanges?”

Jessielookedmeupanddownthenshookherhead.“Youlookperfect.”

“Morethanperfect,”Kaydensaid.“TheonlywayZekeisn’tgoingtowantyouisifhe’sgay.”

“I’mprettysurehe’snot,”Isaid.“Somyoddsaregood.”

“Thenlet’sgetgoing.”Jessiegrabbedmyperfumethensprayeditupmydress.

“Uh,excuseme?”Iswattedherhandaway.

“Yougottamakesureyousmellgoodeverywhere,”Jessieremindedme.“Imean,it’sbeenfour

monthsofneglectdownthere.Whoknowswhat’shappenedinthattimeofisolation.”

“She’sfine,”Isaid.“Butthanksforchecking.”

“Didyoushave?”Kaydenasked.

“Evenbetter,”Isaid.“Igotwaxedthismorning—fromheadtotoe.”

Jessie gave me a thumbs-up. “Let’s go get you some action. Because if Zeke turns you down,

we’regonnamakesureyougetlaidanyway.”

***

Whenwearrivedatthebar,ZekeandRexwerealreadythere.Theystoodatoneofthehigh-top

tableswiththeirbeersoncoasters.ThegamewasontheTVssotheireyesweregluedtothescreensmost

ofthetime.

“Rae,yougofirstsoZekecanseeyouthebest.”Jessiegavemeagentlenudge.

“Strutit,”Kaydensaid.“Andhard.”

“Iknowhowtowalk,guys,”Ihissed.

“Well,walksexy,”Jessiesaid.

“Okay, I don’t quite know how to do that,” I said. “But I can try.” I walked to the front and

approachedthetablewithmyclutchtuckedundermyarm.

WhenZekesawmeapproachinhisperiphery,heturnedtostareatmeheadon.Insteadofflashing

me his typical smile, his eyes darkened with considerable heat. Freely, his eyes roamed over my body,

movingfrommydarkeyelinerandpaintedlips,allthewaydownmyshortdresstomyblackstilettos.

Speechless,hejuststared.

IthinkInailedit.

Rexstaredatmewithindifference,likeusual.ThenhiseyesmovedtoKayden,andhegavehera

lookidenticaltotheoneZekejustgaveme.Hewhistledunderhisbreath.“Damn,woman.Areyoutrying

togivemeaheartattack?”

“Aheartattack?”Kaydenasked.

“Yeah,”Rexsaid.“Youknow,becausemostofmybloodhasdrainedelsewhere.”

IwastoobusystaringatZeketocareaboutwhatmybrotherjustsaid.ZekelikedthewayIlooked

inthedress,butIlikedthewayhelookedevenmore.Heworeadarkgreent-shirtthatfittightlyoverhis

pectoral muscles. I could see the definition of his arms through the fabric. His corded forearms led to

strong hands, the kind I wanted all over my body. His black jeans hung low on his hips, and I couldn’t

helpbutpicturethoseVlinesthatextendedabovehiswaistband.

Thefactthathedidn’teventrytolooksexyjustmadehimsexier.Hedidn’tdohishair.Whenhe

walkedoutoftheshower,hedrieditwithatowelandthatwastheendofit.Hewassexyenoughtobeon

afiremencalendar,buthedidn’tpossessthearroganceofsomeonethatgood-looking.

Damn,hewasperfect.

Zekecontinuedtostareatme,notsayinghilikehenormallywould.

Ididn’tsayanythingeither.Wordsleftme.

Therestofthegangtalkedlikenormal.

RexwrappedhisarmaroundKayden’swaist.“Iknowthisisweirdforallofus.Butyes,Kayden

andIareseeingeachother.Weunderstandtherisksitcouldposetoourfriendshipandthegroup.Butwe

bothwantthis,andwehopeyouguyscanacceptit.”

MyeyesneverleftZeke’s.

Hedidn’tturnawayeither.“Whateveryouwant,man.”

“Areyougoingtoevenlookatus?”Rexdemanded.

IsighedbeforeIturnedtomybrother.“Congrats.Youhaveagirlfriend.Goodforyou.”

“Whoa,Ididn’tsayanythingaboutagirlfriend.”Rexdroppedhishand.“We’rejustseeingeach

other.”

“Exclusively,”Zekejabbed.“She’syourgirlfriend.Justadmitit.”

“He’sright,”Kaydensaid.“I’myourgirlfriend,andIbetterbeaddressedassuch.”

Rexdidn’thavearebuttalwhenthosewordsleftherlips.“Alright,cool.”

Jessielaughed.“Pussy-whippedalready.”

“I’msonotpussy-whipped,”Rexsnapped.

“Youare,man,”Zekesaid.“Butyouknowwhat?That’sokay.Guysarethehappiestwhentheyare

pussy-whipped.”

“Really?”Rexaskedinsurprise.

“Ohyeah.”Zekenoddedbeforehelookedatme.“CanIgetyouadrink?”

Butterfliesflewacrossmystomach.“Sure.Alemondrop.”

“Berightback.”Helefthisbeeronthetablebeforeheheadedtothebarontheothersideofthe

room.

Jessiesmirkedatmeoncehewasoutofearshot.“Droolingalloveryou,dude.”

“Yeah?”WhenIsmiled,Ifelttheblushentermycheeks.

“Hewasspeechlesswhenyouwalkeduptohim,”Jessiesaid.“Didn’thaveacluewhattosay.”

KaydenandRexwereabsorbedintheirownconversation,quietlywhisperingtogether.

“Hewasquiet,wasn’the?”Isaid.

“Because all the blood left his body and went into that huge dick of his,” Jessie said. “He

probablycouldn’teventhink.”

Ispottedhimcomingbackwithmydrinkinhand.“Shh…becool.”

“Oh,comeon,”Jessiesaid.“LikeZekedoesn’tknowhehasabigdick.”

“Howdoyouknow?”Iasked.

Sheshrugged.“Lookattheguy.Sometimesyoucanjusttell.”

“You’llhavetoteachmethatlittlegiftofyourswhenwehavesomedowntime.”

“Ha,”shesaid.“I’lltakemysecretstothegrave.”

Zekereturnedtothetableandplacedthelemondropbesideme.“Hereyougo.Igotyouonetoo,

Jess.”Heslidthedrinktohersideofthetable.

“Awe,thanks.”Jessiegrabbedtheglassbythestemandtookabigdrink.“Alwayssonice.”

“WhataboutKayden?”Rexdemanded.“Youdidn’tbringheranything?”

Zekegavehimahardstare.“Ithinkherboyfriendshouldbetheonetofetchheradrink.”

“Ohshit,”Rexsaidunderhisbreath.“Ididn’teventhinkofthat.”

Zekenoddedtothebarlikehewasgivingsomekindofcode.

Rexunderstoodhismeaning.“Ohyeah.Whatwouldyoulike?”

“I’lltakealemondroptoo,”Kaydensaid.“Andthankyou.”

“Berightback.”Rexgaveherathumbs-upbeforehewalkedtothebar.

Zeke’seyesneverleftmyfacenowthattherewerenomoredistractions.Thelookhegavemewas

differentthantheothers.Itwasfullofintensity—evendesperation.

Orperhapsitwasjustwishfulthinkingonmypart.

“Youlookamazing.”Hiseyesmoveddowntomythighs,justwherethedressendedinchesabove

myknee.

“Thanks.Youdotoo.”

“Idon’tthinkwe’reonthesamelevel,butthanks.”

IsippedmydrinkjustsoIhadsomethingtodo.Hesuddenlymademenervous,hotandcoldall

over.AllIcoulddowaspicturemymouthdevouringhis,suckingthatbottomlipintomymouthbeforeI

grazed his tongue with my own. I wanted that handsome body on top of mine in the darkness of his

bedroom,theheadboardtappingagainstthewallashenailedmelikeasailorhomeonleave.

NowIreallyneededtomakeamove.TherewasnowayIwasgoinghomewithouthim.

Ijusthadtodecidehowtodothat.

***

The guys walked to the corner to watch the end of the game. The score was tied and it was the

final inning of overtime. Most of the guys in the bar were crowded around the TVs, needing to see the

finaloutcomeofthecutthroatgame.

“Areyougoingtodoit?”Kaydenasked.

“Ohyeah,”Isaid.“JustnotsurehowIshouldgoforit.”

“Justtellhimyouwanttogobacktohisplace,”Jessiesaid.“Andta-da.Youwin.”

“Since Zeke is my friend, it’s more complicated than that.” I couldn’t just hook up with him

without some kind of explanation. “I was thinking I could tell him I’ve been into him for a few months

nowandI’dliketomakeamove.Andifhe’sintothat…I’lldoit.”

“Toomuchtalking,”Kaydensaid.

“Iagree,”Jessiesaid.“Romanceissomuchbetterwhenpeopleshutup.”

“Well, it would be really awkward if I just kissed him and he wasn’t into me at all.” Doing

somethingstupidcouldaffectourfriendship,somethingIheldveryclosetomyheart.

“Shutup,”Jessiesaid.“Hewasdroolingalloveryou.”

“Hesowas,”Kaydensaid.“Didn’teventrytohideit.”

“Still…I shouldn’t make an assumption.” Now I was just looking for an excuse because I was

nervoustoactuallydoit.I’dhitonguysbeforeandhadnoproblemmakingthefirstmove,butthiswasthe

first guy who really mattered. He wasn’t just some hot dude. He was the hottest, sweetest, and most

amazingdudeontheplanet.

“Sowhenhecomesbackoverhere,goforit,”Jessiesaid.“KaydenandIwillgotothebaror

somethingtogiveyousomeprivacy.”

Idownedtherestofmyglass.“Alright.Let’sdothis.”IturnedbacktothecornerwhereZekeand

Rexwerestanding.SomebrunettewasstandingclosetoZekeandchattinghisearoff.Sheworeaskin-

tightbluedress,andshewasdefinitelyalooker.

“Doesn’tmeananything.”Jessiecouldreadmelikeabook.

Buttheykepttalking.AndZekeevenlaughedatsomethingshesaid.Thegamewasover,buthe

stillstayedtotalktoher.

Iwasgettingnervous.DidIjustmissmychance?

“Stilldoesn’tmeananything,”Kaydensaid.“He’sjustbeingnice.”

“Youguys,let’snotpretendshe’snotgorgeous,”Isnapped.“He’snotjustbeingnicetoher.”

SheandZekesteppedawayfromthecrowdandkepttalking.Hisbodyfacedmydirectionbuthe

didn’tlookuptoseeme.Heheldhisbeerinhishandandcontinuedtolistentohertalk.Itdidn’tseem

likehewascomingback.

“Fuck, why does this always happen to me?” I gripped the table for support. “I don’t want him

whenIcanhavehim,butnowthatIcanactuallyhavehim,hedoesn’twantme.”

“We still don’t know—” Jessie stopped talking when she saw the woman grip Zeke’s bicep.

“Okay…maybeyou’reright.”

Iwasn’tjustupsetbecauseIwasjealous.IwasupsetIdidn’tdosomethingsoonerwhenIhadthe

chance.InsteadofwaitingtomakesureZekehadenoughtimetomoveonfromRochelle,Ishouldhave

justgoneforit.

NowIwasfullofregret.

“Excuseme.”JustasIleftthetable,Zekelookedupatme.Hiseyesboredstraightintomineasthe

womancontinuedtopressherlusciousbodyupagainsthim.IpretendedIdidn’tgiveadamnandheaded

intothehallwaywherethebathroomswerelocated.

To my misfortune, there was a line of women against the wall waiting to use the bathroom. I

couldn’t go back out there, so I leaned against the wall near the men’s room, attempting some privacy

awayfromeveryoneelse.AndthenItriedtotalkmyselfdownfromthesheerterrorinmyheart.

Youhavenorighttobejealous.

It’llbealright.

Thereareotherfishinthesea.

No,there’renootherfishinthesea.He’sit.

God,didIjustlosethegreatestthingthatcouldhaveeverhappenedtome?

Iwantedhimsomuch.

Ifelttearspricklemyeyes.Theywerewarm,andthebubblingsensationinthecornersofmyeyes

justmademefeelworse.IcriedwhenRykerdumpedmebecauseIwasheartbroken.ButI’dnevercried

overamanIdidn’thave.ThatonlyconvincedmemyfeelingsforZekewerestrongerthananythingI’d

everfeltinmylife.

Andthatjustmademefeelworse.

Andfuckinghopeless.

Itookadeepbreathandstilledmytears.Ihadtogobackoutthereandpretendeverythingwas

fine.IfIletthesetearsfall,myeyeswouldturnbloodshotredandpuffy.Itwouldbeadeadgiveawaythat

somethingwaswrong.

JustwhenIwipedmyfingersundermyeyestofixmymakeup,Zekewalkedintothehallway.He

scannedthearealikehewaslookingforsomeone.Thenhiseyessettledonme,histarget.

Abreathoftimepassedbetweenus.Iprayedhedidn’tnoticethepuffinesssurroundingmyeyes.I

hoped he didn’t see just how heartbroken I was when some woman touched him. It was obvious I was

headoverheelsforhim.Ijusthopeditwasn’tobvioustohim.

He slowly walked toward me, taking his time despite the determination in his eyes. He moved

rightuptome,pressingmeharderagainstthesolidsurfaceofthewall.Hischestmovedagainstmineand

ourmouthswerejustinchesapart.

Ididn’tknowwhatwashappening.ButIthinkIlikedit.

He grabbed both of my hands, interlocked our fingers, and pinned them against the wall as he

movedclosertome.

NowIcouldn’tbreathe.

He brushed his lips against mine, practically teasing me. It was the calm before the storm, the

pausebeforethefall.Hebrushedhislipspastmineagainbeforehefinallydoveinandkissedmehardon

themouth.

Ohgod.

Hesuckedmybottomlipbeforehemovedhisentiremouthwithmine.Everykisswaspurposeful,

magical.Hebreathedhardintomymouthwithanintensitythatmatchedmyown.Hischestroseandfell

witheverydeepbreath,andaquietmoanescapedhislipswhenhefeltmymouthwithhis.

I fought against his hold because I wanted to touch him, to run my hands all over that muscled

physique. But he wouldn’t let me move. He pinned me harder into the wall, keeping me in place as he

deepenedhiskiss.

Iwashisprisoner.Hisproperty.Hisgirl.

AndIknewit.

His fingers tightened around mine and he kissed me in that dark hallway, not caring about the

peopleinlineorthemenwhowalkedoutofthebathroomandheadedtothebar.Hishipspressedagainst

mineandhisenormousdefinitionrubbedagainstmethroughhisjeans.

Wasthisadream?

Hekissedmeforever,neverslowingdownorstoppinghisintensity.Hewasroughwithmylips,

makingmefeellikeI’dneverkissedanyonebefore.Everythingaboutourembracewasunique—perfect.

He finally broke apart and pressed his face to mine. “Rae, I’m yours. And you’ve always been

mine.”

***

Assoonasheshutthefrontdoor,hislipswereonmineagain.Hekissedmejustashardashedid

before,andthistime,hescoopedmeupbytheassandpulledmeagainsthiswaist.Hecarriedmedown

thehallandintohisbedroom.

I’dneverbeeninsideitbeforebutIdidn’tcareaboutlookingaround.Allthelightswereoff,and

mybackhithissoftbeddingwhenhelaidmedown.

Heimmediatelypulledhisshirtoverhischestandtosseditonthefloor.

Ohmylord.

Soperfect.

Mine.Allmine.

Perfectlychiseledandbeautiful,everytimehemoved,hismusclesrippledinresponse.Hewas

leanandtoned—practicallyripped.Hegrabbedoneankleandremovedmyheelinonefluidmotion.Then

he did the same to the other. When my feet were bare, he placed one foot against his chest then leaned

downandkissedmeontheankle.

“Ooh…”Ididn’tconsidermyankletobeanerogenouszone,buthesuremadeitintoone.

He did the same with the other and pressed both feet against his massive chest. His heart beat

againstmyheel,strongandpowerful.

Idugmytoesintohisskin,feelingthesearingheatthatkeptmewarm.Hewassogoddamnhotthat

I couldn’t even wrap my mind around it. My pussy was already drenched, and I wanted that enormous

packageinsideme—assoonaspossible.

With my feet still pressed to his chest, he undid his jeans and dropped them to his ankles. He

kicked his shoes and socks away, and then kicked off his black pants. He was just in his boxers, solid

blackanddarkincomparisontohisfairandflawlessskin.Hegrabbedthewaistbandofhisboxersand

feltthefabricwithhisfingertips,hisblueeyeswatchingmyfacetheentiretime.

Dropem’.

Comeon,dropem’.

Hepulledthemdownhismuscularthighs,hisenormouscockpoppingoutproudly.

Ibitmybottomlip.“Ohwow…”

Hepulledthemoffandstoodinhisgloriousnakedness.Hisnaturallubricationwasoozingfrom

thetip,glisteningashestaredatmeonhisbed.

I’dneverfeltsohappytobealive.

Hishandsglidedupmythighsuntilhereachedmyhips.Hebunchedupthefabricofmydressthen

pulledituptomywaist,exposingmybellybutton.Myfeetwerestillplantedfirmlyagainsthischest.

Hisfingersfoundthefabricofmythong.Hefistedeachstraptightlybeforeheyankeditdownmy

thighs and to my knees. He let it hang there because my feet were still braced against him. His hand

movedbackdowntomyassandgrippeditharshly,draggingmetowardtheedgeofthebed.“Mine.”He

kneeledtothefloorandmovedmylegsoverhisshoulders,mypantiesstillstretchedbetweenmyknees.

Hisfacemovedbetweenmylegsandhegreetedmyclitoriswithhistongue.

“God…”Iarchedmybackandgrippedthesheetsbesideme,knowingthisrealitywasbetterthan

anyfantasyI’deverhad.Hehadthesmoothestmoves,andhewassosexy.Icouldhavebeendoingthis

everynightforyearsifI’djustopenedmydamneyes.

Hesuckedmyclitintohismouththenmovedhistongueaggressivelyacrossthesurface.Thenhe

lickedmyopeningbeforehistonguedartedinside,greetingmywetnesswithhisown.Hedidn’tneedto

focusontheforeplaybecauseIwasalreadysettogo.I’dbeenreadysinceIlaideyesonhiminthebar.

Istaredathimashekepthisfacebetweenmylegs.Mypantieswerehookedaroundmyknees,and

seeinghimtakemesoaggressivelyalmostmademecomethenandthere.IwantedtoreleasebutIwanted

towaituntilhewasinsideme.TherewasnowayIwouldlastlong,notafterfourmonthsofnoaction.

AfterZekedevouredme,herosetohisfeet,hiscockredandthrobbing.Hegrabbedmydressand

pulleditovermyhead,revealingmytitsthatwerehardandpointed.Heleanedovermeandsuckedeach

nippleintohismouth,hiscockpressedagainstmysoakedfolds.

Thishadtobeadream.Itwasjusttoogood.

IranmyhandsthroughhishairjustthewayIwantedbeforeIdraggedmynailsdownhisback,

feelingeverysinglelineandgrooveofmuscle.Hewasperfect,somasculineandstrong.Iclosedmyeyes

andenjoyedallthesensationshecreatedinme.Beforehepulledaway,hegavemeaseductivekisson

thelips.Hestraightened,standingattheedgeofthebedwithhiscockrightagainstmyfolds.

I was on birth control and clean, and I knew Zeke was clean too. So I didn’t need to have that

conversationIhadwithRykerwhenwebecameserious.ItwasdifferentwithZeke,andIdidn’twanthim

towearanything.

It was different with me too because he didn’t open his nightstand and pull out a condom. He

grabbedthebaseofhiscockandpointedhisthickheadatmyentrance.

“Wait…Doyouthinkweshouldslowthingsdown?”Wejustgottogetherandwewerejumpingin

bedtogether.

Hestaredatmewiththesameheatedexpression,likeslowingdownwasthedumbestideahe’d

everheard.“Ifyouwantto.”

“Idon’t.Ijustdon’twantyoutothinkI’maslut.”

Thecornerofhismouthroseinasmile.“Idon’tthinkthat,Rae.ButI’mdefinitelygoingtoturn

you into a slut—for me.” He pressed his head inside me, stretching me wide as he entered my narrow

channel.

Myheadrolledbacktothebed,andIgrippedthesheetsagain.EverythingIsaidcameoutinan

incoherentblur.“Ohmygod,thatfeelssofuckinggood.”

Hemovedfartherinside,histhickshaftpressingagainstmywallsasheincheddeeper.Heglided

throughmyslickness,feelingmyarousalsoakhisskin.Hekeptgoinguntileveryinchofhislengthwas

burieddeepinsideme.

“Zeke…”Myhandsmovedtohiswrists.Iwrappedmyfingersaroundhiscordedskin,feelinghis

powerfulpulsethroughhisweatheredflesh.Ihadn’tfeltthispleasureinsolongIforgothowgooditwas.

Hewassobigthatitwasalittlepainful,butthatdiscomfortwasnothingcomparedtohowamazinghe

felt.

Hiseyesburnedintomineashelistenedtomesayhisname.“Youdon’tknowhowmanytimes

I’vebeatofftojusttheideaofyousayingmynamelikethat.”Hepulledmeclosertotheedge,hiscock

movingjustalittlemore.Hishandsmovedtothebackofmykneesandhekeptmythighspinnedapart.

“Iwanttowatchyoubeatoffsometime.”Ididn’thaveacluewhatIwassaying.Myheadwasin

thecloudsandallIcouldthinkaboutwasthissexygodinsideme.

Hestartedtomoveinsideme,slidingthroughmyslickness.Hiscockmadenoiseseverytimeit

glidedinandout,thefrictionaudible.

Iwasalreadygoingtocome.Iknewit.

Itwassopatheticthatitwasembarrassing.

I tried to fight it as he thrust into me gently. We hadn’t even really started, and I was already

fightingthefirebetweenmylegs.Itstarteddeepinmybellythenmigratedsouth.Likeacrescendo,itrose

untilitwasnolongerunbreakable.

IcamesohardIscreamed.

“Ohgod…”

Zeke’s heated expression intensified as he stared at the pleasure on my face. He thrust into me

harder,givingmeeveryinchofhislengthataquickpacetomaketheclimaxevenmoreintense.

Idugmynailsintohisforearmsandrockedmylowerbodyagainsthim,lovingeverysingleinch

of that unbelievable cock. “Zeke…wow.” I rode the high until it slowly disappeared from my body

altogether,butIcouldstillfeelthetendernessfromourmovingbodies.

“Youhaven’tseenanythingyet,baby.”Hepulledhislengthoutofme,makingmefeelemptythe

secondhewasgone.Thenhescootedmeupthebedandturnedmeonmystomach.Hemovedontopof

me and shoved himself inside me harshly, not at all gently like he was before. He had me pinned

underneathhim,hischestagainstmyback.Hismouthmovedtomyearandhefuckedmeaggressively,his

hips smacking against my ass every time he pounded into me. My clit rubbed against the bunched-up

sheetseverytimehemovedintome,heighteningthepleasuretoanewlevel.

Hebreathedintomyearandgruntedquietly,movinghisentirebodyashefuckedmeaggressively.

Hewascoveredinsweat,andwhenIrockedmyassbackintohim,Igotdrenchedaswell.Itdidn’tmatter

how tired and hot we were. We were so lost in each other we didn’t care about the heat. “Your pussy

feelsasgoodasIimagined.”

Ireachedbehindmeandgrippedhimbythethigh,pullinghimintomeasIrockedintohim.Icould

feel another orgasm approaching over the horizon, but I wasn’t surprised because I was so hard up. “I

can’twaituntilIfeelyourcomeinsideme.”

He paused for a second, a heavy breath filling my ear. “Fuck, Rae.” He thrust into me harder,

burrowingmeintothemattress.

Hearingthedesperationinhisvoiceandfeelingtheincreasedhardnessofhisdickpushedmeto

theveryedge.Icameagain,constrictingaroundhimlikeasnakearounditsprey.Isqueezedhimhardas

mypussysang,feelingsuchahighofpleasureIdidn’tthinkIwouldevercomedownagain.

Itfeltsodamngood.

Thebest.

“Giveittome,Zeke.”

Hegruntedagainstmyearandhisstrokesevenedout,slowinginpace.Thenheinsertedhimself

completelyinsideme,ballsdeep.“Hereitcomes.”Hiscocktwitchedinsidemeandhetensednoticeably,

holding his breath as his tip exploded. “Fuck…” He continued to moan through the orgasm, depositing

everydropofcomedeepinsideme.“Fuckyeah.”Heburiedhisfaceinmyneckashecaughthisbreath,

oursweatmixingtogether.Hekepthiscockinsidemeasitslowlysoftened.Thenhestayedtherefora

longtime,recoveringfromwhatjusthappened.

“I’msorryIcamesoquickly…”Iwasembarrassedbyhoweasyitwastogetmeoff.“Ihaven’t

been—”

“You’llalwayscomequicklywithme—andmorethanonce.”

***

WhenIopenedmyeyesthenextmorning,myheadrestedonZeke’spowerfulchest.Myarmwas

tuckedaroundhishardwaist,andhisbareskinwaswarmtothetouch.Ittookmeamomenttorealizethis

realitywastrue.IwastrulynakedinZeke’sbed,cuddlingwithhimafteragreatnightofsexandsleep.

Ishiftedinbedthenlookedupathim,seeinghisheavyeyeslookbackatme.Hisarmwasaround

myshoulder,andhislargefingersmovedupanddownmyside.Hewassexywhenhefirstwokeupinthe

morning.

“Is this real?” I dreamed about this moment so many times I couldn’t tell if it was just my

imaginationgettingthebestofme.

“Yeah.”Hisfingersmovedthroughmyhair.“Andifit’snot,it’sthebestdreamI’veeverhad.”He

turnedonhissideandcuddledwithme,hisfacerestingagainstmyshoulder.Thelargewindowsinhis

bedroomledtohisbigbackyard.Aheavyfoghadsettledonthegroundandblockedoutvisibility.The

backfencecouldn’tevenbeseen.Iwasn’tsurewhattimeitwas,probablystillearlyinthemorning.

“You’reareallygoodkisser,”Iblurted.

Thecornerofhismouthroseinasmile.“IhopeyouthinkI’mgoodatotherthingsaswell.”

“Oh,Ido,”Isaidquickly.“Iwasjustrememberingourfirstkiss…”

“It’sfuntothinkabout,huh?”Hekissedmyshoulder,hissoftlipssowarm.

Ididn’twanttohavethisconversation,butIknewithadtohappen.I’dbeenhurttoomanytimes

tomakestupidassumptions.“So…waslastnightaone-nightstand?”Icouldn’tkeepthedreadoutofmy

voice.“Itwasn’t,right?Because—”

“I’myourman,Rae.”Hekissedmyshoulder.“Andyou’remywoman.”

Reliefenteredmyveins.“Well,there’ssomethingIshouldtellyou.Idon’twantyoutothinkthis

wasjustsomecompulsive,physicalthing.Afewmonthsago,Istartedtohavefeelingsforyouandthey

neverwentaway…”

Hestaredatmelikethisinformationwasredundant.

Hewasn’tsurprisedatthat?Atall?“Rochelletoldmeyouusedtohavefeelingsforme.WhenI

found that out, my feelings only became worse. The only reason why I didn’t tell you was because you

wereseeingRochelleatthetime.”

Still,nothing.“Rae,Rextoldmeeverythingaboutamonthago.”

My heart plummeted into my stomach. My own brother betrayed me? He blabbed everything to

Zeke?“What?”

“Whenhetoldme,itchangedeverything.Rochellewasgreat,andIwashappywithher.Butonce

youwereinmymind,Icouldn’tgetyouout.I’vewantedyouforsolong,andIcouldn’tmissthechanceto

haveyou.IneverlookedatRochellethesame,andourrelationshipdiedinthatinstant.ThatwaswhyI

brokeupwithher.”

“Becauseofme?”NowIreallyfeltlikeshit.“Ididn’twantthattohappen.That’swhyInevertold

you—”

“I know. But I’m glad I found out. This past month only assured me I made the right decision.

Beingwithyouisdifferent.It’s…”Hetriedtosearchfortherightwords.“It’slikehangingoutwithyour

bestfriendandthehottestchickyou’veeverseenattheexactsametime.SometimesIwantedtokissyou,

andothertimes,Icouldn’tstoplaughingatsomethingyousaid.ThisiswhereIbelong.”

His decision was in the past, and nothing we said now would change what happened. Rochelle

was gone and their relationship was over for good. I could keep feeling bad about it, but it wouldn’t

changeanything.“Whydidn’tyoutellme?”

“IwantedtowaitawhiletogetRochelleoutofmysystem.IknowImadetherightdecisionfor

leavingher,butIstillcaredaboutherandshewasonmymind.IwantedtobealoneforawhilebeforeI

wentforyou—outofrespectforbothofyou.”

“Oh…”

“But when I saw the heartbroken look on your face when Theresa was talking to me, I knew I

neededtocomecleanandstopdraggingmyfeet.”

“Whoisshe?”

“Apatient.”

Istilldidn’tlikeher.Shedidn’tneedtogropeherdoctor’sarmlikethat.

“Soinsteadoftellingyoueverything,Ijustkissedyouinstead.Andthatworkedoutprettywell.”

Hellyeah,itdid.

“Sonowwe’rehere.”Heslowlyrolledmetomybackashisbodycoveredmine.Hismuscular

thighsseparatedmineandheleanedfartheroverme,hislipsjustinchesfrommine.

“Hereweare…”

Hepressedhisheadagainstmyentrance,hislargecockthickandthrobbing.

Ihookedmyarmsaroundhisneckandstareddeepintohiseyes,feelinghislengthstretchmeasit

sliddeeperinside.Sexhadneverfeltsogood,andmymindwasinahazeofsatisfaction.

Once he was completely inside me, he remained still, enjoying the feel of my wet pussy. He

moanedquietlyashefeltmestretchslowly,acclimatingtohislargesize.Zekewasinnatelysexy,andhe

knew how to make all the right moves in bed. He was aggressive and authoritative, not always the

gentlemanheseemedtobe—andIlikedthat.

Ididn’tseehimasmyfriendanymore,andIhadn’tinalongtime.Isawhimasthedreamiesthunk

in the world, the man who owned my heart and every other part of my body. I felt safe with him like I

didn’twithanyoneelse.“You’resomuchbetterthanmydreams.”

Hekissedthecornerofmymouthashemoveddeepinsideme.“Andyou’resomuchbetterthan

myhand.”

***

IwalkedthroughthedoorwithZekebehindme.ItwasSundaynight,andIhadtogobacktowork

thenextday.

Unfortunately.

Rex was in the kitchen. He pulled a pizza pocket out of the microwave then gave us an

uncomfortablelook.“You’rehome…”

“Don’t worry, I’m not staying.” I was wearing the same dress and heels I’d been wearing on

Fridaynight.Iwasn’twearinganyunderwearbecausethoseweretoooldandtoowettowearnow.

Sayingthismomentwasawkwardwasanunderstatement.

“I’m just going to get some clothes and grab Safari.” I walked down the hall, feeling guilty for

leavingZekealonewithRex.Itwasundoubtedlyawkwardbetweenthem.Buttheyhadtogetthroughit

sincetheywerebestfriends.

“Howwasyourweekend?”Zekeasked.

Igrabbedabagandthrewmyclothesinside.

“Itwasalright,”Rexsaid.“Howwasyours?”

“Good.”ThatwasallZekesaid.

Shit,itwastense.

“HangoutwithKayden?”Zekeasked.

“Wewenttothebeachyesterday,”Rexsaid.“Hadalittlepicnic.”

“Thatsoundsnice,”Zekesaid.

“Yeah,”Rexsaid.“Itwascool.”

I put a leash on Safari and then walked back into the entryway, saving Zeke from the tensest

conversationontheplanet.“I’mready.”

“Whenareyoucomingback?”Rexasked.

“WhenIrunoutofclothes,”Isaidbluntly.Iwasn’tleavingZeke’splaceuntilIabsolutelyhadto.I

didn’twanttoleavehisside,orhisbed,forevenamoment.Iwantedtowearhist-shirtaroundthehouse

alldaylongwithhisboxersunderneath.IwantedtoseeSafarirunaroundinthebackyard.

Zekegrabbedmybagandhungitoverhisshoulder.“Alright.We’llseeyoulater.”

Rexlookedalittlesick.“Okay…”

Thisawkwardnessshouldn’tevenhavebeenthere.Itwasstrangethatitexistedatall.“Rex,stop

beingweird.ZekeandIaresleepingtogether.It’snotthatridiculous.”

Rextookabiteoutofhispizzapocket.“It’lljusttakesometimetogetusedto.Ithoughtthisday

wouldhappen,butnowthatithas…it’sjustawkward.”

“Well,getoverit,”Isaid.“Becausethisarrangementisgoingtolastareallylongtime.”

ZekeautomaticallysmiledwhenheheardwhatIsaid.“Youheardher.I’mgonnabearoundfora

longtime.”

Rexrolledhiseyes.“Justshutupandgo.”

Zeketookmyhandandwalkedmeoutside.Safariwasconnectedtotheleashheldinmyhand,and

sinceZekewasthere,heseemedtoknowwherewewereheaded.Zekeeyedmewiththesamesmilestill

onhisface.

“What?”

“Ilikewhatyousaidbackthere.”

“Thatthisthingwilllastalongtime?”

“Yeah.”

“Iwouldn’triskourfriendshipifIdidn’tthinkitcouldlastforever.”

Hestoppedwalkingandhissmiledisappeared.Hestaredmedownlikehedidn’tknowwhatto

say.“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Henodded.“Ithinkit’sgoingtolastforevertoo.”

My heart stopped beating in my chest once those words were exchanged. We didn’t make a

commitmentorevensaywelovedeachother,butsomehow,thosewordsfeltheavy.Ididn’tknowwhere

ourrelationshipwouldgobecausewe’donlybeenseeingeachotherforafewdays,butdeepinmygut,I

knewitwasspecial.IknewitwasdifferentfromanyotherrelationshipI’dhadbefore.

Wedidn’tknowwhatwouldbeattheendofthisroaduntilwewalkedthepath.ButIwasexcited

to find out where we would end up. Although there was one concern I had. “No matter what happens,

we’llalwaysbefriends.”Iextendedmyhandsowecouldshakeonit.“BecauseIcouldn’tlivewithout

youinmylife.”

Heeyedmyhandbeforehetookit.“Ofcourse.”

“Promise?”

Henodded.“Promise.”

Asmileformedonmylips.

Andhesmiledback.

ThestorycontinuesinBook4,RayofTime.

DearReader,

ThankyouforreadingRayofLove.IhopeyouenjoyedreadingitasmuchasIenjoyedwritingit.If

youcouldleaveashortreview,itwouldhelpmesomuch!Thosereviewsarethebestkindofsupportyou

cangiveanauthor.Thankyou!

Wishingyoulove,

E.L.Todd

WantToStalkMe?

Subscribetomynewsletterforupdatesonnewreleases,giveaways,andformycomicalmonthly

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Nowyouhavenoreasonnottostalkme.Youbettergetonthat.

EL’sElites

IknowI’mluckyenoughtohavesuperfans,youknow,thekindthatwoulddiveoffacliffforyou.

They have my back through and through. They love my books, and they love spreading the word. Their

biggest goal is to see me on the New York Times bestsellers list, and they’ll stop at nothing to make it

happen.Whileit’salotofwork,it’salsoalotoffun.Whatbetterwaytomakefriendshipsthantoconnect

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Document Outline

This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or us...
Chapter OneThree Months Later…Rae
Chapter TwoRex
Chapter ThreeRae
Chapter FourRex
Chapter FiveRae
Chapter SixRae
Chapter SevenRex
Chapter EightRae
Chapter NineRex
Chapter TenRae
Chapter ElevenRex
Chapter TwelveRae
Chapter ThirteenRae
Chapter FourteenRex
Chapter FifteenRae
Chapter SixteenRae
Chapter SeventeenRex
Chapter EighteenRae
Chapter NineteenRex
Chapter TwentyRae
The story continues in Book 4 of the Ray Series. Dear Reader,
Want To Stalk Me?
EL’s Elites

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