It Happened in Buenos Aires,

a Grave Watcher’s Story

By Missouri Dalton

Empanadas are the most glorious form of street food.

These particular empanadas were filled with raisins and
beef, but Bones had gotten them filled with fish and
potatoes. I had purchased a few of a fruit variety for
dessert. It was a bit like pie really, and I did love my pie.

"I love Argentina," Bones sighed around a mouthful of

fish. "It's so much warmer than Scotland." It was also
summer in Argentina, but for Bones, nothing could be too
hot. He was delightfully dressed in a linen shirt which was
open to show his chest and the gold ankh that connected
him to his homeland. The more recent addition to Bones'
golden tan skin was still slightly red around the edges. A
very simple black ankh tattooed over his navel.

Several gold earrings dangled from piercings along both

of his ears, and his long black hair was beaded, some of it
cut to shoulder length and the rest in a long braid down his
back that swung back and forth as he walked, like a
panther's tail.

He wore no kohl around his eyes this day, but his copper

eyes needed nothing to enhance them beyond his dark
lashes.

"I like Argentina as well," I said. It was a rare opportunity

in the cold of my home estate to see so much of Bones'
flesh exposed to the sun. It gave me incredibly un-Godly
ideas about ice cream.

He flashed a smile that was too feline to be human. Of

course, Bones wasn't human. He was a tomb guardian,
servant of Anubis, and traditionally took the form of a
cinnamon and spice colored short-haired cat. He licked a
bit of fish off of his lips.

"We should winter here."
"I would have to acquire a home here to make that

practical."

"Why don't you just use Claude's?" He finished his

empanada. "He's usually in Greece this time of year."

"Because, my darling, that would mean I would owe him

a favor, and Claude

always

collects on favors." I took a

breath and caught the scent of something delicious. "Ooh,
that vendor is selling fish stew."

Bones grimaced. "Your stomach will explode if you keep

eating."

"You cannot prove that." Something in my pocket

vibrated and then started to ring loudly. "What's that?"

"Your phone, Sebastien."
"Phone?" I thought for a moment and then reached into

my pocket. "Right. The mobile phone." I pressed the green
button that Claude had told me would let me talk and put the
device to my ear. "Hello, this is Crowle."

"Sebastien, it's Alejandro. Where are you?"
"Picking up lunch; is it that time already?"
"Yes. I'll meet you at the lake."
"Right-o." I pressed the red button and put the phone

back in my pocket.

"That was almost a functional reaction to the ringing of

your new phone," Bones complimented.

"Claude would be so proud." I handed Bones one of the

fruit empanadas. "Well, it appears Alejandro needs us at
last. Are you ready, love?"

"Dealing with crocodiles is a common enough hazard for

me. I'm sure Sobek's familiar will go home as soon as I
explain to him he isn't in the Nile."

"I do hope you are right."
"Of course I'm right." He gave me a kiss in full view of the

public, and I admit to blushing. "I'll hail a cab. You eat."

At least that was something I was good at.
Bones and I took the cab out to the lake where Alejandro

had spied Sobek's familiar. The crocodile had a name of
its own, but no one had ventured close enough to get it. The
real question was: Why was it here in the first place? The
various guardians of the gods did not tend to stray far from
their gods without cause.

I really ought to have brushed up on my Egyptian

mythology, and I was not about to call Claude. He would
never let me live it down. Owing him a favor was tantamount
to agreeing to some twisted sexual favor from whatever
page of the Kama Sutra he deigned needed revising. The
man needed better hobbies. Perhaps I should arrange
reconciliation between he and Angel. The two had been on
the outs ever since Claude set one of Angel's paintings on
fire. They were ridiculous.

The lake was in the center of a city park, which was

frequented by a lot of passers-by and families. A twenty
foot crocodile was not the best thing to have around small
children. Or teenagers, for that matter.

Bones and I found Alejandro at the eastern edge of the

lake, binoculars pressed against his face as he scanned
the water for signs of the crocodile.

"Any luck?"
The enigmatic Spaniard shook his head and let the

ocular devices fall to his chest, held around his neck by a
long strap. "He's gone under. The creature has been seen
most frequently in this vicinity; I expect to see him here

again."

I nodded. Alejandro and I had a strange relationship. Our

last encounter had been in the Grave Watchers' asylum, the
Chateau Blanc, and prior to that we'd mostly hunted down
zombies together. This little excursion to Argentina came
right after a trip to Brussels with Henry Fitzroy, another
Watcher whose relationship with me ranged from friendly to
homicidal.

"

El crocodile

has only attacked geese and stray pets at

this point, but who knows how long he will remain sated on
such small fair?" Alejandro looked to Bones. "Do you have
any clear idea why the servant of Sobek is here?"

"I cannot be certain. Sobek and I have never gotten along

-- likely because he keeps trying to eat me. If his servant is
here, there must be a reason." Bones sniffed. "I can smell
him -- smells like salt and rotting fish. It must be Sok."

"Sok?" I raised an eyebrow. "Are you quite serious? You

have a name longer than my arm, and this fellow gets stuck
with Sok?"

Bones shrugged. "Khentimentiu is a very distinguished

name. Appropriate for a cat. Sok is appropriate for this
crocodile." He eyed the water's edge. "He's very ill-
tempered."

Hackles on the rise, Bones smelled like a storm coming

in. He was a part of Egypt; I could always smell that on him.

"What do you want to do, Alejandro?"
"We have to talk to this Sok fellow. Is he rational?"
"He talks," Bones replied. "Rational is a matter of

opinion." He eyed me. "Did you put on sunscreen today?"

"Uh... no." I did feel a touch broiled.
Bones sighed and retrieved a travel sized bottled from

his cargo short's side pocket. He squeezed some into his
hand and started smearing it onto my face.

"Bones--"
"Close your mouth."
I sighed and let him finish putting the lotion on me.
"You should be more careful," Bones chided.
"Sunburn lasts all but a blink on a Watchman," I replied.
He raised his eyebrows.
"Fine, I'll be more careful."
He smiled. If one compared Bones and I side by side, we

were practically opposites. My hair was flax to his black, my
eyes blue, and skin pale. We were on near equal footing as
far as height, though. He was the shorter. It was a rare
thing, my being taller. I'd been tall in my own time, but it
seemed men got taller every year. It was a touch
disconcerting.

I'd worn a thin, blue cotton button down with long trousers

to help keep the sun off but had forgotten the sunscreen. It
wasn't something I normally had to think about, being
generally nocturnal in nature. My Bones never burned. He
wasn't even sweating. My thoughts drifted to ice cream
again, and I had to shake my head to focus myself on the
situation on hand.

"Perhaps we should lure him in with something. Raw

chicken?" Alejandro asked.

"You'd have better luck with beef," Bones replied.
"No shortage of that. Though I hesitate to bring a cow

here." Alejandro sighed.

"Hmm." I spied something in the shallows. "Is that him

there?"

A pair of yellow eyes glinted in the water. I couldn't see

much of the reptile, though, submerged as it was.

"Ah, yes. Hold on. I'll go say hello." Bones slipped down

to the water's edge.

I did not understand Ancient Egyptian well enough to

make out what he said.

After a few clicks and hisses of response, Bones

returned. "It appears Sok is stuck in his reptilian form. He
came here, he says, to find something for Sobek, but when
his power waned from being so far removed from our
homeland, he ended up as a crocodile and found this lake
to hide in."

"Well, that's unfortunate, did he say what Sobek was

looking for?"

"An opponent. Apparently he heard some story about

el

Chupacabra

and thought it might be something worth

fighting."

I sighed. Gods had the strangest pastimes. "So now

what do we do?"

"I'll have to lend him my amulet."
"Are you sure?"
"It will draw far less attention for me to wander around as

a cat than for him to wander around as a crocodile."

"Fair point."
"Besides, it might turn out. I had the tattoo done in case I

lost the amulet; it will maintain the connection to Egypt for a

lost the amulet; it will maintain the connection to Egypt for a
day or so on this side of the equator." Bones went back to
the shore and spoke to the crocodile for a few moments
more, removing his necklace and throwing it out onto the
water to land on the reptile.

In relatively short order, a broad, long nosed fellow with

swarthy skin and poor dentistry emerged from the water
dressed in a white kilt. That wasn't going to attract attention
at all.

"If we are hunting

El Chupacabra

, you will have to go to

farm country," Alejandro said, ignoring the now human Sok.
The man always took things in stride.

"All right, hail a cab." I wrinkled my nose. Sok still smelled

liked rotting fish. Not a pleasant odor. I was no longer
hungry.

"

Si, si.

" Alejandro waved his hand. "We will have to stop

for weaponry.

El Chupacabra

is a fierce creature."

I looked at Bones. "What could possibly be frightening

about a rabbit-eared bat creature that drinks goat blood?"

Bones shrugged. "Perhaps they've gotten bigger?"
I wrinkled my nose. "I still don't see how one would be of

any interest to a god."

"Gods do get bored. Anubis has been known to frequent

poetry readings. He enjoys the 'slam' sessions especially."

"I don't know what that is."
Bones smiled and kissed me. "I know. Come on then;

Alejandro has the cab." He said something to Sok, and our
merry little band clambered into the cab. The cab driver
gave Sok a look, and Alejandro promptly pressed more

money into his hand.

Bribery made things so much more efficient.
We stopped at Alejandro's villa for weapons and a

change of clothes for everyone -- Sok included. None of us
had the same breadth of shoulder, but Alejandro's height
came close enough for pants to fit, and he dug out an old t-
shirt that was stretched out for the smelly crocodile man.

Sok couldn't be convinced to wear shoes, but given

Bones' aversion, I hardly expected him to.

Alejandro dismissed the cab driver in favor of a vehicle

of his own -- a four-wheel drive SUV more suited for the
terrain outside the city. In my experience with small
bloodsucking creatures, I found the surest weapon was a
blade. I had managed to bring one with me -- my favorite
mortuary blade. Perfect for slicing, dicing, and cutting
through even the toughest of hides. A

chupacabra

's thin

skin would be no match at all, if it came to that.

I wasn't sure where we were going, but Alejandro

seemed confident in our direction.

I took a nap until the car stopped. Alejandro had brought

us to a field. Full of cows. Fantastic.

"This is where

el Chupacabra

likes to hunt," Alejandro

said. "We should be very careful."

Yes. Be afraid of the rabbit sized blood sucker. "Do you

really think something that small could hurt any of us?"

Alejandro looked at me. "The

chupacabra

is one thing.

El Chupacabra

, is something altogether different. It is the

father of the

chupacabra.

The source of them."

Fantastic. The little bloodsuckers had a daddy. "Do you

really think it's going to show?"

Alejandro shrugged. "I have not seen him in years, but

this is where the last story of a feeding places him."

"So this is a wild goose chase then. Fantastic." One of

the cows was staring at me.

"Oh no, there is a way to call the creature out," Alejandro

said. "If you so desire."

"Why not? The sooner we get Sok here what he wants,

the sooner I can go back to relaxing in my hotel." And
possibly fulfilling some of my ice cream-related daydreams
with Bones.

Bones gave me a look; it was entirely possible he had an

inkling of my thoughts.

Alejandro nodded. "I'll get the cow then."
"Cow?"
"We'll need bait. Don't worry, I'll pay the farmer."
I was starting to think this might be a bad idea.

***

Later, watching a dead cow begin to attract flies in the

moonlight, I was certain it was a bad idea. I was also
hungry and uncertain of how that reaction was meant to
compare with seeing a dead cow. I'd had tartar before, and
the cow was starting to look tempting.

I'd eaten worse.
I had not, however, ever sat in a pasture waiting for a

monster to come eat a dead cow. A barn once in Denmark,
but never a pasture.

Bones yawned. "Are you sure this thing will come?"

Alejandro shrugged. "How should I know? I am not an

expert on

el Chupacabra

."

Sok growled something which Bones translated. "He

says he's bored."

"Join the club," I replied.
"Hush, did you hear that?" Alejandro said.
Rustling in the trees.
We all perked up and drew swords. Sok gnashed his

teeth.

I was very thankful for the night vision that came with

being one of Death's Watchmen -- that and supernatural
healing. When coming up against a ravenous beast, it was
always nice to have your priorities straight.

Out of the brush, the monster emerged. I found myself

disappointed.

The

creature

was

a

rabbit-eared

chupacabra

. Huge reptile eyes stared out from its

triangular head, mouth full of pointed fangs. It was like a
lizard, a toad, a rabbit, and a piranha all somehow had a
baby. The only difference between it and the

chupacabra

I

had seen before was its eyes. They were red, rather than
the usual yellow green.

"I thought it would be bigger," I said.
"Don't let its size fool you,

amigo

," Alejandro said.

"Remember what happened in San Paolo?"

"Please don't talk about that."

Zombie mice…

I

shuddered. "So, what do we do now?"

Sok snarled something. I really should brush up on my

Ancient Egyptian, but there was so little call for it anymore.

Most of the gods spoke Latin at the least, occasionally
Greek, so I just didn't have a reason to keep sharp.

Bones translated. "He says it looks delicious."
"I question his taste."
Alejandro nodded in agreement. "They do not taste as

good as they look." All right, so Alejandro still had a few...
oddities. At least he didn't think he was Zorro anymore.

"Okay, now what?"
Sok hissed and headed straight for the

chupacabra

without another word. I expected it would not take all that
long. Sok would eat the thing, go home, and I would go
back to my hotel room, content with room service ice
cream. I was thinking about a sundae actually.

Sok took on his tertiary form, that of a man with the head

of a crocodile. I must say, it was more attractive than his
human head.

The crocodile man lunged at the small monster. I turned

away, somewhat unwilling to watch the poor thing go.

There was a terrible shrieking noise. Not what I was

expecting.

"That did not go in his favor," Bones remarked.
"Eh?" I turned back to look. Sok was gone. The monster

licked its chops.

"I told you it eats cows," Alejandro remarked.
"Sobek will not be pleased," Bones said.
"I think we should run away now," I said. The monster

approached us with a menacing aura I had not before
noticed. "Right now."

Alejandro nodded. "Better part of valor and all that,

vamanos

!"

And like true Grave Watchers, we turned tail and ran.

Because while we might have to deal with zombie
outbreaks, vampires, necromancers, and perverts, we are
not required to tackle cow-eating lizard bunny monsters.
That is not in my contract.

"It is closing!" Alejandro shouted. "Start the car!"
"You want

me

to drive?"

"I would prefer it to being eaten, yes."
"You might change your mind about that!" Luckily the

keys were still in the ignition. I clambered into the driver's
seat and started it up while Bones got into the passenger's
side and Alejandro at last climbed into the back. No sooner
was he in than I tore off down the road away from the
miniscule menace running remarkably rapidly in our
direction.

"Take the left turn off; it's a short cut," Alejandro said.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
"I think we lost it," Bones said.
"I won't be happy until we are safely back in our hotel

room." I took the left turn and sped up. "Remind me

never

to go hunting with you, Alejandro. You leave out details."

"I said it hunted cows."
"You never said it ate them whole!"
This was not the night I had planned. Not at all.

***

"We're lost, you know that right?" Bones stared out at the

jungle. "I don't think this is Argentina."

"It might be Brazil," Alejandro said.
"Brazil? I did not sign up for Brazil, Alejandro."
"What about Paraguay?"
"You owe me, Spaniard."
"

Si, si

. I promise I will make this up to you." He peered

around at our surroundings and then puttered about with the
map some more.

I rested my head against the steering wheel and sighed.
"Come now, Bastien, it'll be all right." Bones rubbed my

back. "Just think about food."

"I

am

hungry. That doesn't make this better."

He sighed. "Very well. I'll see if I can't get bearings."
"Have you ever been to Brazil, Bones?"
"No, but my sense of direction is better than yours." He

winked and slipped out of the vehicle and then out of his
human shape. He forwent the delicate house cat and went
straight for leonine predator as he leapt into the trees.

I heard Alejandro choke. "

Mio Dios.

"

"You saw a crocodile headed man get eaten by a rabbit-

sized lizard monster, and

that

didn't bother you."

"No, no, not the cat man. We

are

in Brazil."

I slammed my head into the steering wheel again. I

should have stayed in Scotland.

Bones returned some ten minutes later with confirmation

of this news. "Definitely Brazil. I ran into a jaguar, and she
said we were

way

off course and then offered me a monkey

for a snack. I refused out of solidarity for your hunger." He

smiled at me. "We just need to turn around and head south
until we reach a tree that looks like a claw and then turn
west."

"Are those road directions?"
"She was a jaguar, not a tour guide."
I sighed. "Alejandro?"
"There are roads."
That was not reassuring. "You drive then. I'm going to

nap. Wake me when we reach civilization."

Alejandro and I switched places, and I settled onto the

bench of the back seat. There weren't many things I hadn't
slept on over the years; this was by no means the most
uncomfortable.

"You sure you want to sleep?" Bones asked.
"I'm sure. If we end up in mortal danger wake me up."
"All right." He sounded skeptical but let me be.
Taking a nap was the smartest decision I'd made today I

think.

***

"Bastien, wake up."
"Is someone dying?"
"No, we're in Argentina."
I opened my eyes and sat up to get my bearings. "Where

in Argentina?"

"Buenos Aires, I promise," Alejandro said. The sun was

already up. Fantastic. I was starving.

"Could you drop us at the hotel? If you don't mind."
"Of course,

amigo

."

Arrival at the hotel was met with much joy, by me. Bones

and I bid Alejandro good day and headed up to our room. I
ordered half the menu at the desk beforehand. They had
very good fried squid here. To sate other appetites, I
ordered a sundae for dessert.

"That was mad," Bones said. He chewed on a piece of

fish.

"Remind me to stop taking Alejandro's phone calls."
"It wasn't that bad."
"I suppose we could have been eaten. That would have

made it worse." I devoured my share of the squid. "At least
neither of us was injured, but Sok took your amulet with him
when

el Chupacabra

ate him."

"I will get another one from Anubis. The tattoo is doing its

work in the meantime."

"Good, because there are things you and I can't do when

you're a cat."

He raised his eyebrows and smiled. "All sorts of things."
"I ordered ice cream."
"I noticed." He licked his lips. "You are a very bad man

Sebastien Crowle."

"I know." I leaned over the table to kiss him, when a

sudden, loud sound startled me. Like thunder, but the skies
were clear. "What was that?"

"Me."
The person in question was a tall, tan man of Egyptian

heritage wearing a white loin cloth and painted with gold
symbols.

"My lord Sobek," Bones stood and bowed. "What can we

do for you?"

"You can explain, Khentimentiu, what has happened to

my servant." The god loomed. He was a very large man.
Larger than Sok even. His teeth were less crocodilian,
though.

"He was... overtaken by his own confidence," Bones

replied. "I'm afraid he underestimated his opponent."

"So the

chupacabra

is dangerous then…" Sobek smiled.

"Very good. Where might I find it?"

"North-east of here there is a farm that raises cattle;

el

chupacabra

hunts the region," I replied.

"I will require a guide," he demanded.
I sighed. While I could refuse the god, he was likely to

take punitive action. "Very well."

I was never going to get my ice cream, was I?

End.

It Happened in Bueno Aires
Copyright © 2012 by Missouri Dalton
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Printed in the United States of America.
Torquere Press, Inc.: Sips electronic edition / August

2012

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