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Table of Contents
1. Buried Alive
2. Welcome to the Family
3. Simple Man
4. Fake It
5. Monster You Made Me
6. Breaking Inside
7. Life Starts Now
8. Let The Flames Begin
9. Fallin' Faster
10. Future in the End
11. Lost In You
12. Break
13. Without You
14. Never Too Late
15. Drunk On You
16. Epi: Your Guardian Angel
- 3 -
Summary
College graduate, Bella Swan, needs a job to pay for the student loans on a
useless degree. Owner of the famous Machine Shop, Edward Cullen, is looking for a
waitress, but there's a lot more to their stories. AH OOC
- 4 -
Buried Alive
SM owns Twilight
STORY AN: the Machine Shop is a real place in Flint, Michigan. I went to
see Evans Blue perform there and a bouncer and a waitress reminded me of
Alice and Jasper, only tatted out and completely rock-style. I had to write
this. Although the place, bands, locations, etc. are real, I, in no way, own
them or know for sure how shit is run in that bar. This is a work of fiction
based off a real life place. If you're ever in Flint, check out TMS, it's a blast!
Thanks to my pre-readers Mary, Teresa, and Robin
To my beta Kas90…love you!
Save me, I'm buried alive this time
Bending, and breaking all I have left inside
Blaming everyone for nothing
I'm hating me for what I've done with my life
It's time to wake up
This time it's all in my head
It's what I'm made of
It's not what you say I am
I have this anxious feeling
Running through these veins inside of me
I can't explain it
I'm running out of patience
So change it
- 5 -
And make me forget
~Evans Blue
BPOV
The bass in the club was electric. Rose pulled me through the doors, the bouncer
slapping a wrist band on me. The Machine Shop was known all over the world, yet
the bar-slash-concert hall was small, one big open room with a stage in front and a
lifted section in back that housed all the merchandise that they sold. The bar,
bathrooms, and front door filled the wall between the two. Everything was lined with
concert posters and neon signs. They even had motorcycles hung from the ceiling,
one with a skeleton sitting as the rider.
"Rose, I don't know about this. I'm not sure this is really my crowd," I yelled over
the music. My best friend was a frequent customer at the bar, loving the live shows
and the people. She felt like she could blend into the crowd, since usually she stood
out. Her dark makeup and tattoos didn't stand out in a place like this.
I had just finished college a few months prior, graduating with a degree in
business management with an emphasis on accounting. I was having a hard time
finding work since the economy was so shitty, in Michigan especially. Rose knew a
bouncer that had told her they were looking to hire a new waitress. I needed money
since my student loans were about to start up and I still hadn't found a job. It would
only be temporary, I kept telling myself, looking around at the chaos in front of me.
"Shut up, Bella! Look at that girl right there. She's been working here for a few
months and you'd never guess it by how she looks." The girl in question had curly
brown hair and was wearing a pair of plaid Keds, like legit Kelly Kapowski Keds. Her
little jean shorts and pink, tight t-shirt were a clear signal that she was very
different than the other waitresses. Not to mention she didn't have a single visible
tattoo. I bet she had a tramp-stamp, though.
The opening act was playing when we showed up. They were painted from head to
belt; the lead singer was white with black stripes that looked almost like bones. The
rest of the band was blacked out, all of them sporting dreadlocks.
"What's this band called?" I asked, shouting over the music as we got closer to the
side of the stage. They were a little harder than I normally listened to, but the lead
singer's voice was amazing.
"Motograter," she responded and started to move to the thump of the rock music.
- 6 -
Rose didn't dance often outside of her job, but when she did, I could tell she was
deliberately trying to look as "unsexy" as possible. Although she had never been
outwardly embarrassed of her job as a stripper, she didn't like to announce that shit
all the time. She worked at Déjà Vu, a fully nude club that was right down the block
from The Machine Shop, both on the main strip in Flint. Her blond hair and honey
brown eyes were money makers. Plus, she had a figure to die for, curvy and thick in
places men loved. I looked like I stick figure standing next to her.
I'd known her since we were babies, even though we grew up in different parts of
Flint. Our parents were childhood friends. I lived on the better side of town in Mount
Morris, but there were a few rough neighborhoods that we liked to party in as
teenagers. Rose was from Beecher, which was known for its poverty and
not-so-great people. We stopped going out to parties after she was attacked by her
abusive ex-boyfriend our senior year of high school. He was obviously on something
stronger than the warm keg beer being served up that night. Take that situation and
add in the loss of both her parents so close together, when she was only nineteen,
and that was how she got to where she was now. My parents tried to help, but Rose
was too proud.
I tried not to think of Patty and Mike Hale often, every time I did it would make
me want to go home and hug my parents. I was much luckier in life than Rose. A
little part of her died the day her dad did, the part of her that trusted anyone with
her heart. I was the only person that she could honestly say she loved, who was still
alive. She couldn't bear to love my parents because it felt like a betrayal to her mom
and dad. Deep down, we all knew that she loved them in her own way.
"Oh, there's Emmett," she said, almost squealing, as she pointed across the bar.
There, in the dim lighting of the bar, was a huge guy. He was wearing a black 'Staff'
t-shirt that was tight around his huge biceps. His arms were completely covered in
tattoos, yet his baby face and page-boy hat made him seem more approachable. He
noticed Rose and smiled, showing off dimples on both side of his mouth. I looked
over to see her smiling back at him with a little wave. She'd never said anything
about being interested in anyone, but it was obvious that her feelings were clearly
not one-sided. They were definitely crushing on each other.
The head-lining band, Evans Blue, took the stage, and I watched in awe as the
lead singer took control of the crowd. The way he moved and sang sent chills down
my spine. The energy in the room was powerful, but I had that feeling of being
watched. I knew the feeling of chills down my spine wasn't just from the way Dan
belted out song after song. I turned my head slightly to notice a set of bright green
eyes on me, sparkling in the multicolored stage lights. The man was standing near
the door, and when I looked, his gaze didn't wander. The angles of his face, the pout
- 7 -
of his lips, the intensity of his eyes, the tattoos covering all the skin on his
arms…everything was perfection.
The waitress, one covered in tattoos, leaned over and whispered in his ear. She
was tiny, her long, dark hair hitting below her chest. The tattoos that covered one of
her temples didn't distract from how beautiful her face truly was.
The man nodded his head after she spoke and broke our eye contact, turning to
walk towards the back. He gestured for one of the bouncers to follow him. The blond
bouncer with a buzz cut and a thick, tattooed neck leaned in and said something to
the waitress before following the man with the intense eyes out. The black hat that
'green eyes' was wearing was turned backwards, slightly cocked to the side. The
brim was flipped up and the word 'suicidal' was written in white across it. It took
every ounce of will power not to follow him out the doors that lead to the smoking
area.
"No," Rose said when I turned back to the stage. I whipped my head around with a
look of innocence.
"What?" I questioned.
"Trust me, Bella, anyone but him."
"I was just looking, what harm could that do?" I asked, batting my eyelashes.
"That one's dangerous, just leave it alone. I've seen that look before, and you
always act before you think," she commented.
I didn't even know the guy, so how could I argue. Physical attraction could only
get a relationship so far, and I wasn't about to try and date someone that worked
here if I was trying to get a job.
I pushed thoughts of that man to back of my mind and enjoyed the rest of the
show. By the time it was over, my makeup was smudged and my hair sweaty. Bodies
pressed close as people made their way to the exit. Some people milled around,
getting another beer, possibly waiting to see if the band was going to come out from
backstage, but it seemed to clear out pretty quickly.
"There's Em, lets go talk to him," Rose said, pulling me behind her. I came face to
face with the big guy, the page boy cap covered up what looked to be a
close-cropped, curly Mohawk, which I didn't notice before.
- 8 -
"Flower," he greeted Rose, a nickname I had never heard before. I lifted my
eyebrow, and she smirked.
"He says my skin's as soft as a petal, and I smell as good as flowers. Plus, my
name and all," she said in a whisper, barely taking her eyes off him. She smiled huge
and hugged Emmett, squealing when he lifted her off her feet and spun her around.
The irony of him calling her flower wasn't lost on me. After all, her stage name was
Daisy. Everything about her life was centered on some sort of flower. Most of her
tattoos included them.
"When are you going to break down and finally go out with me?" he asked. She
laughed and tried to play it off, but I knew why she never dated, and I couldn't
blame her. It would just end badly for everyone involved. She had tried to date,
sometimes up front about her profession, sometimes not. Either way, the guys
always ended up becoming possessive assholes.
"This is my friend, Bella Swan. She's looking for work, and I hear you guys are
looking for a waitress," Rose said, effectively changing the subject.
"Edward's dealing with something at the moment, but as soon as I find him, I'll
send him your way. Just wait at the bar," he replied, kissing Rose on the cheek and
walking away.
We drank a beer and sat for a while, but there was no sign of Emmett or the
Edward guy. I was tired and cranky by one a.m. and ready for bed.
"Lets just come back another day. I'm ready to head out," I whined, not at all
caring about what a baby I sounded like. She looked around one more time before
nodding in agreement.
The parking lot still had quite a few people in it, a huge group of men on
motorcycles blocking the path to our car.
"Hey, baby," one of the guys said as we passed.
"Save it," Rose quipped. Responding only made them try harder.
"Oh, come on, you know you want a ride, and I wouldn't mind at all giving that
fine ass a ride," another guy said, wiggling his eyebrows.
"You look familiar, Blondie. I've seen that tight ass before," one of the guys
slurred.
- 9 -
We were almost to the car when I was spun around by one of the younger guys;
his body pressed mine against the back of the car parked next to mine.
"Stay, have a drink with me," he said in my ear, the smell of whiskey hitting my
face. Just as he pulled back, I slammed the heel of my hand into his nose, causing it
to gush blood. He bent forward and held his nose, opening me up to hit him with a
left hook which dropped him to the ground. My hand hurt, but the rush of adrenaline
dulled the pain.
All the other guys just looked on in shock, no one moved for a second.
"You stupid fucking bitch," the guy said as he got up off the ground. He was
inching forward, and I crouched into a defensive position, ready to take a hit if I had
to. I lifted my arms just as the guys' fist cocked back to swing.
The hit never came, but two strong arms wrapped around me.
"Get off me!" I screamed, pushing at the guy, trying to wiggle out of the arms that
were locked around me. I looked up into those green eyes and stopped the struggle,
letting him lead me inside.
"Get that asshole off my fucking property," he commanded, his voice velvety yet
rough around the edges. Maybe it was just the fact that he spoke in almost a growl.
As we walked back into the building, I could hear shouting behind me and looked
back. Emmett and the blond bouncer were roughly getting the bikers out of the lot.
Rose was standing off to the side watching Emmett as he picked up the injured man
and threw him at his motorcycle. Surprisingly enough, I had never felt safer in my
life; wrap in the tattoo covered arms of a stranger.
EPOV
"What the fuck were you thinking?" I yelled as I shut my office door. Her eyes
were still big and her hands were clenching in and out of fists. She looked so young
up close, and I felt like a pervert for even thinking about her the way I had earlier in
the night.
Emmett had told me that I was needed out front, something about a possible
waitress. But I was dealing with a guy that was trying to deal coke on my patio. I
didn't want to call the cops, so I had to calmly explain to the guy that we didn't do
that kind of shit around my place. He left quickly after I warned him that if I saw his
face again, I would break all ten of his fingers.
- 10 -
It was a good thing that I finished when I did, because I was just in time to catch
the tail end of a fight in my parking lot. I was surprised to see the girl that I had
been eyeing earlier in the middle of it. She was surrounded by men, but her chin
was lifted defiantly. She didn't look even a little frightened by the possibility of what
could happen. I looked over to see Rose behind her and I realized that she must
have been the one looking for the job.
When her fist connected with the guys jaw and she dropped him, I was actually
impressed. It wasn't until he got up and moved towards her that I started to worry.
He towered over her, at least a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier.
I grabbed her quickly, moving her inside while my boys took care of getting the
trash out.
She stared at me for while, most likely taken back by my yelling. I had never had a
girl fight a guy in the four years that I had owned the place.
"What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking the guy needed his ass kicked," she
said, looking me directly in the eyes.
"You could have been really hurt."
She huffed and shifted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her long legs.
"What the fuck ever, my dad's a cop. I can handle myself," she argued.
I jumped up out of my seat and got in her face, my nose almost touching hers. I
was pissed; she had no sense of self preservation at all. I could feel my breath
coming back at me off her face. My hands fisted on the armrests on either side of
her, caging her into the chair. My voice was low, trying to be as menacing as
possible.
"That guy would have laid you out. One hit, that's all it would have taken, and you
would have been a heap on the ground! You're naïve, little girl." I backed up a little,
giving her some room.
"What's your name anyway, Rocky?" I asked. She never flinched, not the whole
time I was in her face, not now. She was a lot stronger than I thought.
"It's Bella, and I am not a fucking little girl. You can't be that much older than me,
so don't act like you are," she answered.
- 11 -
I looked her over. She was gorgeous, no doubt, but her skin was empty, no ink.
She didn't even have any piercings that I could see beside a single stud in each ear.
I ignored her question on age. I wasn't old, but my life was full of a shit ton more
than hers could have ever been. It wasn't about age, it was experience.
"What makes you think I'd hire you after that little stunt tonight?" I asked. Her
eyes widened.
"You're Edward?" she asked. I nodded my head and pulled the hat off, running my
hand through my hair.
"That would be me. Now, answer the question."
"You'll hire me because you know I won't put up with people's shit. You get a
rough crowd in here, you need someone who can hold her own," she said, no
nervousness in her voice, just unwavering confidence.
"But what I don't want is to hire someone that will punch a dude in the face every
time she gets touched. The guys around here can get pushy, that's why I have
bouncers. You would be here to serve beer and leave the security to the people who
are hired to do just that. Keep this shit secure."
She nodded, bouncing her foot a little. I could see the confidence cracking
slightly. I wondered if she was putting up a front, trying to seem more badass than
she really was.
No matter my attraction to her, she was young…too young. I was sure that she
didn't have a lot of life experience; she seemed sheltered. There was really only one
way to know if she could hack it.
"I'll give you a trial run; be here Tuesday. We have a band that night, so it should
be good for an audition." She stood up, a smile on her face, and approached my
desk.
"Thanks for your time, Edward. I'll see you Tuesday," she said with a smirk,
extending her hand. I took her small one in my large, shaking it. Her hand was so
warm and soft.
She pulled it from mine quickly and walked out of the door, leaving me looking at
the open doorway. There was something about that girl that scared the shit out of
me, something that didn't sit right in my chest. I lifted my hand to rub over my
chest, my fingertips catching the slightly raised, round scars that marred my skin
- 12 -
just a few inches from heart.
I walked out of the office to find Alice, Jasper, and Emmett finishing the end of the
night work.
"Alice, I'm going to need you to train a new girl on Tuesday, her name's Bella."
She lit up, loving the idea that she would get to know someone new. Her tough
look was unable to hide her big heart at the end of the day.
"Maybe you hiring Bella will get Rose in here more," Em said, wiping the bar
down. I rolled my eyes at him and started to pull the bags out of the trash cans.
"It's been months, she still hasn't said yes. When are you just going to deal with
the fact that she's not interested?" Jasper said, pulling Alice into his lap. She rubbed
the stubble on his cheeks and kissed him lightly. She was the only reason he was
here; she had saved his life many years ago. I owed her so much for helping my best
friend when I couldn't.
"She's interested, I just have to figure out how to break through the wall she has
up," he said. I shook my head, unsure why he didn't just move on.
"You guys wanna hit up Little Chef? I'm starving," Emmett asked, flipping the last
bar stool onto a table.
We headed down the street to the 24 hour diner. I hated eating late at night, it
always triggered nightmares for some reason. Explosions, blood, and screams filled
my dreams that night, waking me up in a cold sweat. I rubbed my chest and laid
back down. Sleep was always a problem.
- 13 -
Welcome to the Family
SM owns Twilight
Hey kid, do I have your attention?
I know the way you've been livin'
Life's so wreckless, tragedy endless
Welcome to the family
Hey! There's something missing
Only time will alter your vision
Never in question, lethal injection
Welcome to the family
Not long ago you found the answers were so crystal clear
Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear
Can you look at yourself now?
Can you look at yourself?
You can't win this fight!
In a way it seems there's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
- 14 -
But, you can't win this fight!
~Avenged Sevenfold
BPOV
"How do I look?" I asked Rose, doing a little twirl in our living room. I had an hour
to go until I had to be at work. I tried my best to pull something together to wear. I
didn't want to be that girl who showed up looking like she was lost.
"You look…not like you," she replied. She was wearing sweats and a t-shirt since
she had no plans on going out. Tuesday nights were left to the girls with less than
average looks; Rose only worked the big nights and all the feature shows. There had
been many times she'd have to work a few days in a row because the club had a
porn star coming in to promote whatever they had in the works that month. I didn't
know much about it since I rarely went into see Rose at work. They guy who owned
the club freaked me out.
"I don't want to look like me; I want to look like someone made to work in that
place," I replied in a huff. I looked down at myself and didn't think I looked too bad. I
still had my beat-up Doc Martens from high school, which were unlaced and loose on
my feet. Fishnets, a pair of little black shorts, and a Famous Stars and Straps tank
top completed the outfit. My makeup was a little heavier than normal and my hair a
little fuller, but over all I didn't think I looked like a poser. Hopefully.
"I'm just used to you looking more professional. That's all. It looks good, though,
and as long as you feel confident, then I say go with it," she said with a smile.
I just smirked before telling her that I was going to take off early and grab
something to eat. To be honest, I wanted some time to psych myself up. I was
anything but confident and was scared shitless by the idea that I would have to try
and live up to that girl they all met just a few nights before.
That girl who punched a guy and then got in Edward's face…yeah, she was new to
me. I smiled to myself, thinking I could be that girl, even if I was pretending. I was
sick of being the good girl, the reliable one. If anyone needed anything, they knew
they could call me, but I was often made into a doormat. My nature was to try to
help people, which usually ended in me being taken advantage of.
As I walked into the bar, I was mentally telling myself that I wasn't that girl
anymore. I could be the confident girl and never go back to being that person that
allowed those kinds of things to happen. I was going to make things happen now.
- 15 -
The bar looked so different in the light of day. There wasn't an intense light show
or loud, thumping music. The TVs that usually played an array of different rock
videos were black. And honestly...it looked even grungier with the doors propped
open, the afternoon night filtering in.
"Hey," a voice called, and I looked over to see the waitress that was covered in
tattoos walk up to me from behind the stage.
"Hey, I'm Bella. Edward told me to be here at two," I murmured, unsure as to
what I was supposed to be doing. She smiled widely and held her hand out.
"I'm Alice, you're with me tonight," she replied with a wink. Up close, her face was
amazing, the lines of it soft and feminine, despite the somewhat masculine tattoos
that covered her chest and neck. Her eyes were icy blue, which popped because of
her jet black hair. I realized in that moment that I had a slight girl crush on Alice -
that draw one straight girl has to another, even though they'd only act on it after
copious amount of alcohol.
"Great," I yelped, my voice catching in my throat. Edward entered the room and
was looking at me with those damn eyes. I wished that they didn't affect me like
they did, but alas, I was at a complete loss of words while his jade gaze was set on
anything in my direction.
"Just the man I was looking for. What should our fair Bella do to kill the time until
the band gets here for sound check?" she asked. He scowled before answering,
which shouldn't have been sexy, but it was.
"Give her the run of things; make sure she understands the pricing, shit like that.
You know what you're doing, Alice, I shouldn't have to walk you through this. Oh,
and here's your paperwork. Fill everything out and get it back to me so I can add
you to payroll," he bellowed, walking away with a pound in his step, like he was
trying to march through the floor.
I must have given Alice a look because she immediately explained his attitude.
"He's just crabby because he'll officially be an old man tomorrow," she said with a
laugh.
"How old is he going to be?" I inquired as I followed behind her to the bar. She
pulled out a pen, and I sat down to start filling everything out.
"The big three-oh," she teased, making a face of disgust.
- 16 -
I wouldn't be twenty-three until September, three months away still. That was
over seven years of an age difference. Nowonder he kept calling me a little girl, I
thought ruefully.
"How old are you?" Alice asked, catching my off guard.
"Um…I'll be twenty-three in a couple months." She smiled wide.
"I'm only twenty-five; it's only the men around here that are old," she said with a
laughed. Then she proceeded to tell me that Jasper was twenty-nine but almost
thirty. His birthday was in November. Emmett was a year younger, at twenty-eight,
and he and Jasper's birthdays were only a few days apart.
As we worked behind the bar, she gave me a little more information about the
guys. Nothing too heavy, only that Em was Edward's little brother and that the guys
had bought the bar four years ago. I didn't ask a lot of questions, even though I
wanted to know everything about Edward. Instead, I listened to her explain the beer
choices and how to keep tract of the customers. She had a path she said was
perfection when trying to get through the crowd.
"Who's the band that's playing tonight?" I asked, not so much interested in the
band but the man that booked them. I needed to get this crush out of my system.
Maybe it was all the tattoos that attracted me. I was sure to run into a lot of guys
like that tonight.
"My Darkest Days," she said, looking rather excited. "I love their music because I
can dance around to it, but beware, the skanks come out to play with a band like
this. I swear there will be more stripper wannabes in here than you can handle." Her
comment stung a little since my best friend was in that line of work, but she didn't
know, and I wasn't going to think less of her. Strippers were just that to most
people, using sex to make money, in a sense. The stories of the women who worked
at The Vu ranged from child abuse and drug abuse to women who just liked doing it.
Rose fell into a different category all together.
I shook those thoughts and helped with the setup. The band came in and did a
sound check. They were the typical rock stars and even flirted a little bit with Alice
and me, which was flattering. I didn't see Edward after he greeted the band. He
seemed to be avoiding me, which hurt a little. Maybe my little crush was making me
see things that weren't there. He could have been the type of boss that didn't linger
and stayed in his office. I barely knew the guy, so the hurt feelings didn't make a
whole hell of a lot of sense.
- 17 -
About an hour until show time, the crowd was lined up outside. People started to
file in, getting their wrist bands. Fetching beers and drinks for the customers was
easy. It wasn't like serving food, which I did at Big Boy all through high school and
most of college. The people seemed to be a fun mix and in good spirits. I was
worried about the fact that most bars always had at least one fight a night. I was
hoping since this was more about a concert than going out just to get drunk, there
wouldn't be a problem.
The opening act started, and the crowd moved closer to the stage. It was harder
to make it to all the people since I had to duck around flinging arms and dancing
women. Surprisingly, it was fun though. I chatted with people, listened to good
music, and got to know the other girls.
Lauren, Jessica, and Kim all went to Saginaw Valley, all in general education
classes since they had no clue what they wanted to do. They were all cheerleader
looking girls with pretty faces and kick ass bodies. Kim had a few piercings and
unoriginal tattoos littering her skin. They were nice enough, but I spent most of the
night with Alice.
EPOV
The sun was in my eyes, making it hard to see, and the sound of rubble falling was
all I could hear for a second. I could smell the heat of the day time, and the sand
that filled the air was suffocating. The loud 'pop, pop, pop' made me duck my head,
but I never lost sight of my men. With hand signals, we moved forward through the
close buildings and down narrow alleys.
With a still hand and a sure target in my sight, I fired, taking out the sniper that
sat high on a roof top. I gave the all clear, and we moved deeper into the city
square.
Suddenly, there was two loud pops, and I saw his bright blue eyes widen in shock.
His hand went to his throat, holding the side, blood pooling through his fingers.
Without thinking, I ran toward him.
I woke with a start and barely made it to the toilet before I was throwing up. I
fucking hated the dreams. They always left me off for the entire day.
I brushed my teeth and looked at the alarm clock on my night stand. It was only
seven a.m. but I need to get going anyway. I got dressed in loose jeans and a black
t-shirt. Pulling on my hat and Chucks, I left with the bank bag in hand.
- 18 -
I stopped to deposit the money and to grab some food before heading to the Shop
to get some paper work done.
As I sat down at my desk, the note on the calendar stood out.
Bella's Audition
To say that I forgot she was coming in today would have been a lie. For some
reason, the girl had been on my mind on loop since seeing her. It was fucking
ridiculous that I was so attracted to someone that I had just met. Especially since I
hadn't been into a woman in many, many years. Sure, I had found them attractive,
but I hadn't had that pull towards anyone. Tanya fucked that up for me, irreversibly,
really - or so I thought.
I needed to shake her. I didn't need the added stress of a woman. So when Alice
greeted me and I saw her, I retreated. She was wearing something from a fucking
wet dream, and I just couldn't go there.
My motto was to avoid anything that could fuck with the little bit of sanity I still
had. The girl was already driving me crazy.
I camped out in my office and didn't come out until the main band took the stage. I
stood by the door and watched the women in the crowd dance to the beat. My
Darkest Days was strip club music, and I wondered how many people would leave
here and head down the street to The Vu. We never went down there; that scene
was not really for any of us guys. Jasper was too dedicated to Alice to waste the time
or money. Me and Em just were never into it and would rather sit at a little watering
hole than in a loud club.
I scanned the room and spotted Alice. She was serving a group of guys and turned
away after handing out the beers. She passed Bella in the crowd and stopped next to
her to dance. I watched Alice run her hands up Bella's fishnet covered thighs as
Bella rolled her ass into Alice's hips. They were both laughing, not taking it too
seriously, but the men around them took notice. My hands tensed at my sides as I
watched Bella get eye-fucked by a few of them.
As I watched over the next hour, the men started to hand them bigger tips the
more they flirted with one another. I shook my head and laughed to myself. They
were getting played by my waitresses, but I couldn't be mad. They were doing their
jobs. Even though there was a mild ache of jealously sitting in the center of my
chest.
- 19 -
I moved over to the raised merch section in the back of the bar, so I could get a
bird's eye view. I met Bella's eyes as she stood off to the side, watching the show. It
was getting towards the end of the set and the drink orders tended to slow down a
little. I smiled at her and she smiled back slightly, but there was reluctance there. I
looked away quickly. It was fucking stupid to lust after her since I knew from her
paperwork that she was not even twenty-three. I was an old man in comparison.
I took my hat off, catching a look at the word 'suicidal'. I ran my fingers through
my hair and slid it back on, facing the word behind me. It was symbolic if I really
thought about it too hard.
"Hey, everything looks good. It's been a good night. No fights, no bullshit, and a
few hot women in almost nothing," Emmett quipped as he leaned on the stool next
to me. I nodded my head at him in agreement, never taking my eyes off Bella who
was back to walking in the crowd.
"I noticed that you seem to be keeping a close eye on our new girl," he commented
after a short silence.
"I just want to make sure she's doing her job. Nothing more, Em," I said, giving
him a shitty look.
"Whatever you say, Edward. Whatever you say."
He walked away, going to stand next to Jasper by the door. Sam was stationed by
the door of the smoke area, and Alex dealt with the backstage bullshit for the bands.
I had a good crew, and it looked like Bella was falling right into the fold. She seemed
like she was a keeper.
The band played their last song and most of the people left. Some hung around,
drank and got pictures with the guys from My Darkest Days. By two a.m., the band
was gone and the doors were locked.
Alice jumped up to the controls and suddenly Avenged Sevenfold's Welcome to the
Family was playing. She danced around singing, pulling Bella with her. Everyone
watched as she serenaded the new girl.
"Welcome to the family, hot stuff," she yelled at Bella. Bella was laughing and
being flung around by Alice, which had the guys doubled over. Especially when they
both fell on their asses.
"Okay, okay, little one, lets shut this shit down and get going. We have a long day
- 20 -
tomorrow," I said after the song ended. Everything was locked down tight, and the
other bouncers and waitresses were long gone when we all walked out to the
parking lot. I was just about to get into my car when Alice stopped me.
"Actually, Edward, I was thinking since tomorrow is your big day and we have a
kickass trip planned, Miss Bella should tag along."
She said it too loud, loud enough for Bella to hear, which caused me to grimace.
We were going to be around my family, in my home town, in my comfort zone in a
sense. I would be showing a lot of myself to someone really new to my life. Was I
ready for that shit? Did I want to show that much to someone who seemed to make
me want to take a few of my walls down?
"I guess if she wants to drive an hour and a half to hang out," was my response. I
couldn't say no, not wanting to hurt her feelings, but I was also a little fucking
scared to bring her around my family.
Alice turned to Bella. "You really should come with us tomorrow. Emmett and
Edward's parents own a gorgeous house on a lake up north. You could get to know
us all since we see each other more than we do our own families."
Bella looked around and it seemed like she was trying to gauge everyone's
reactions. Since it was just Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and I going, they all were nodding
their heads. While I liked the other people that worked for me, tomorrow was a
family thing, and those three were my true family. Alice was trying to include Bella
into something very few had ever been let into.
Bella nodded her head and smiled when Alice grinned widely.
"You should bring Rose with you. Right, Edward?" she suggested, looking back at
me. I looked over to see my brother's face light up.
"Yeah, that would be great," I said, wishing everyone a good night and heading
home.
I was suddenly looking forward to my thirtieth birthday.
- 21 -
Simple Man
SM owns Twilight
Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?
~Shinedown / Lynyrd Skynyrd
EPOV
Alice and Jasper were trailing behind my car in her yellow Mini Cooper on our way
to pick up Bella and Rose. Emmett was fidgeting in his seat next to me as we pulled
- 22 -
into the apartment complex.
It was on the better side of Flint and wasn't as run down as I was expecting. I
pulled into a spot near Bella's little blue Honda Civic. She must have been watching
out for us because her and Rose came down from the second floor, each with a bag
in hand. They both looked beach ready in shorts and tanks. I could see the strings of
their bikinis coming up over their collarbones. Bella in a bikini would be hard to
avoid looking at.
"Hey," Emmett said as he got out, letting the girls into the back seat. My two door
Chevy Charger wasn't huge but was bigger than Alice's car, which was why Bella
and Rose were riding with us. Well, one of the reasons, if I was being honest.
I watched as my brother ogled Rose's ass as she climbed into the back seat. I
shook my head at him when he got back in. He just gave me a sheepish look, but he
wasn't ashamed; he'd been lusting after that woman for months. I still didn't
understand why they hadn't at least gone out on a date. I wasn't used to seeing
Emmett get turned down, but Rose did it on a weekly basis.
"Happy Birthday, Edward," Bella said softly, clicking her seat belt into place.
I looked back in the rearview mirror and smiled at her with a quiet thank you as
we headed towards the highway. I could see her eyes in the mirror the entire drive
and watched her full lips move as she talked to Emmett and Rose. This is going to be
a long fucking drive, I thought to myself as we made eye contact again. I smirked
slightly and looked back at the road. If it wouldn't have been so obvious, I would
have moved the mirror to obstruct the view.
Halfway there, Alice zoomed up to my side and honked her horn. She was always
trying to outdo me on the road, so I revved my engine and smiled. She took the cue
and sped up. There weren't too many cops or a lot of traffic heading north on
interstate 10, and this was always our thing.
It wasn't anything too crazy or out of hand, but when I looked back, Bella's fingers
were white with how tightly she was holding onto the back of my seat. We met eyes
again, and I slowed down. She slowly pulled her hands away and blushed.
"Sorry, didn't mean to freak you out," I apologized. It was the very first words that
we had exchanged the entire car ride.
"No worries. It's just, my dad's a cop, so…" she said, cutting herself off and
tucking her hands under her thighs. She looked over at Rose who was leaning
- 23 -
forward having a quiet conversation with Emmett. He was leaned back, turned
slightly in his seat as she had her head propped on the headrest. Bella smiled to
herself and looked out the window, watching the trees pass.
It didn't take long to make it into Harrison, the small town that I grew up in. As we
exited the highway and made our way through town, Bella looked around.
"It's hard to believe that you grew up here," she pondered as we passed the guy
that carted his wife around in a trailer behind his lawn mower. It definitely had that
small town feel with a lot of crazy people, but it was home.
"This town ranges from very poor to somewhat wealthy. It's just like everywhere
else, just less people to hide the shitty parts," I replied. She glanced at Rose and
said nothing as we passed the local fruit market and McDonalds.
"Wow, you guys have Amish?" Rose asked liked she'd thought they were mythical
creatures. She studied the parking lot where a buggy was parked. Large quilts and
all different sized baskets were for sale. They were there a lot since the parking lot
was directly across from the Flea Market and at one of the few intersections in
town. There were only two traffic lights and this just happened to be an intersection
that had one.
"They are probably from the next town over. Clare has a big Amish community,
but I've never really stopped to talk to them before," Emmett answered.
We made our way around the lake and pulled into the driveway. My parents'
house was stone and dark wood, facing Budd Lake. The wall of windows facing the
lake made for great views and the four jet skis and speed boat made for a shit ton of
fun.
"My babies," my mother, Esme, said, running out of the house and into my arms. I
hugged her back and passed her on to Emmett who was just as excited to see her.
She greeted Jasper and Alice from Em's arms since he wouldn't let her go.
"Please tell me you took the back way and didn't go through town," she scolded,
pulling back to look Emmett in the eyes.
"Of course we went through town, Mom," Em said, looking at her confused.
"Oh, sweet Jesus, please tell me that Mikey wasn't driving Lisa around town in
that God forsaken trailer. That just makes us all look like a bunch of hicks," she
complained. We all laughed at her outburst.
- 24 -
"Anyway, what's new, mama?" Emmett asked, setting her down on her feet.
"Oh, you know, nothing much. Dad's still working too many hours, Kate is growing
up too quick, my sons don't call enough," she said with a wink. She was always
making us feel guilty. She wouldn't be happy unless we were all living with her
again. The day Katie graduated from high school, she'll probably have a psychotic
break.
"So, what new with you guys? Introduce me to your friends," she ordered, looking
back to Rose and Bella. They were still standing by the car, looking a little shy about
meeting the family.
"Oh, this is the newest waitress, Bella, and her friend, Rose. Guys, this is our
mom, Esme," Emmett introduced.
"It's so nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said, looking shyly at my mother. Not
being one for formality, my mom hugged both of them and offered to show them
around the property and house after putting together some lunch.
"Whose piece of shit is that?" Emmett asked, passing a beat up truck.
"Oh, Garrett's here for the day. That's Kate's boyfriend, and I expect you boys to
be nice. She really likes him," she warned, pointing between Em and I. We looked at
each other, knowing that shit wasn't going to happen. I knew what I was like in high
school, and there was no way my fifteen-year-old sister was having a boyfriend
without me fucking with him.
We all made our way out to the back yard, which had a small private beach. Jasper
and Alice took off on a jet ski as soon as their clothes were off, throwing all their
stuff in a pile near the dock.
"So, is it just us for the day?" Bella asked, walking up behind me.
"I'm sure some people will stop by during the day, but for the most part, yeah.
We're just going to hang out, cook some food on the grill, and maybe start a bonfire
later. Nothing too big, just the way that I like it," I said with a smirk.
She smiled back and peeled off her shorts and tank, leaving her perfect body in
just a small black bikini. I had to struggle to look away. Instead, I focused on getting
out of my t-shirt and getting my shoes off. Rose and Emmett were already in their
bathing suits and headed for the water.
- 25 -
"Ten bucks says they're making out by the end of the night," Bella bet, raising an
eyebrow. My brother had lusted after Rose for so long I didn't think he'd have the
guts to pull a move. I grinned back and tapped my chin.
"Twenty says he fumbles over himself all day and doesn't even get off home plate,"
I retorted. She started to laugh.
"You're on," she replied. Just then, Katie came bounding out of the house
practically naked, hand-in-hand with a big guy. Not a boy like I was expecting, but
an actual man.
"Edward!" she yelled, running up to us.
"Go put some clothes on, Kate," I shouted back, making her stop in her tracks.
"Oh god, shut it, would ya? Don't be 'big brother' today, please. Oh, and happy
birthday, old man," she said, laughing. I glared at Garrett. Just as I was about to say
hi, Emmett walked up.
"Who are you?" he asked, looking the kid up and down.
"Um…Garrett. It's nice to meet you guys," he said with a shaky voice. I was sure
that all the tattoos scared him a little.
"How old are you?" Em questioned.
"Sixteen."
"What do you do?"
"Roofing in the summer."
"What are your intentions with my little sister?" I asked, looming over him. He
looked at me like I grew a second head. He sputtered over his words and started to
look around like someone was going to come save him.
"You know, I've killed people," Emmett said, leaning in close to his face,
whispering the words. He looked menacing, and I had to hold back my laugh and
keep my face straight.
"MOM!" Katie screamed, pulling Garrett back towards the house. I looked over to
see Bella laughing, covering her mouth to hide her smile.
- 26 -
"Edward Anthony!" my mom yelled, and I gave Bella an apologetic smile as I
walked up to the house. My mom was in the kitchen putting together lunch.
"Why do you guys have to do that? I expect it from Emmett but not you," she
scolded. I tried to look ashamed of myself, but she saw right through me.
"No more. I mean it, mister," she said, pointing at me with the knife she was using
to cut fruit. I held my hands up in surrender.
"How are you, baby?" she cooed in her sweet mom voice.
"Fine," I responded. She shook her head.
"How are you really, Edward?"
"It is what it is, Mom. Can we not talk about any of that today, please?" I pleaded.
She nodded her head.
"Okay, sweetie, I just worry is all. It's a mama's job to worry about her babies."
I kissed her on the cheek and walked back outside. Kate was lying on a towel with
Garrett next to her. I pointed to my eyes and then back at him, garnering a look of
fear from the kid. I laughed and headed towards everyone who seemed to be waiting
for me to come back out.
"Now that Edward's done in time out, let's go. Jasper and Alice are having all the
fun," Em said, pulling Rose towards the docks to get on a ski. I punched him in the
arm before he could get away. He laughed, but rubbed his bicep.
"Do you want to go?" I asked Bella. She looked nervously at the other two couples
already on the lake.
"Sure," she said, shrugging her shoulders slightly.
BPOV
His mother and sister were so normal, the house was beautiful, and the small
town was nothing I was expecting. He came from such a sweet place, so it was hard
to imagine him living there since he looked so rough around the edges.
There were moments on the car ride that I would see his eyes in the mirror, and I
couldn't stop looking. His green eyes were penetrating. I would stare into them for
- 27 -
hours if I could.
"So what do I do?" I asked as I hopped onto the back of the Jet Ski. He looked
back at me and smiled.
"Just hang on tight," he said, taking off like a bat out of hell. I wrapped my arms
around his waist as we headed out into the middle of the lake. It was exhilarating,
and I couldn't help but laugh as he hit the wake of the other skis. We all drove in
circles around each other, spraying each other with the water that spit out of the
rear of the ski. We were only able to stay out for about twenty minutes before gas
started to get low and we had to head back to shore to refill.
"It's fun right?" he asked as we pulled up to the dock. I nodded my head with a
permanent grin etched on my face. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time. He
slipped his vest off and sat it on the handlebars of the Jet Ski as we got closer. I
noticed a tattoo on his back for the first time, tracing my fingers over it.
Sgt. Tyler Crowley
1981-2004
The letters were in a beautiful script and there was a picture of an American flag
faded in the background.
"I'm so sorry," I said softly, unsure if he'd even hear me. When he looked back to
see what I was doing he didn't pull away, but I could tell touching him wasn't a good
idea, so I pulled my hand back.
"It was a long time ago," he said sharply. I could see pain in his eyes, but he
brushed it off quickly as he helped me off the ski.
"You kids hungry?" his mother shouted as she came down from the house with
snacks in her hands. She had set out fruit, cookies, chips, and little finger
sandwiches on the patio table near the beach. It felt like high school.
"Thanks, this is great, Esme," Rose said, smiling brightly. She and Emmett were
sitting really close, and at one point she popped a strawberry into his mouth with a
giggle. I looked over at Edward and rubbed my fingers against my thumb, signaling
him to be prepared to pay up. He smiled and looked down at his food.
All throughout lunch I could feel him glancing at me, but when I would look up,
he'd look away. I stopped looking away and instead, started to study the tattoos that
- 28 -
covered his arms. His right had a bunch of Halloween inspired tattoos, including
Jack Skellington. The left was completely different. The filler of the sleeve was what
looked to be digital camouflage, but it was shredded and bloody. Inside the torn
camouflage sleeve was what looked to be a mechanical arm. It was detailed and
beautiful.
I was starring, so I looked away, only to find his mother looking right at me.
"Do you want to see the house, dear?" she asked me. I looked over at Rose, but
she was too wrapped up in talking to Emmett and Alice to notice Esme's question.
"Sure," I said quietly, following her into the house. The décor was all neutral
colors and warm, plush fabrics. It had a country cottage feel, but the materials were
expensive. The kitchen was stainless steel and granite. The bathrooms had marble
floors and huge tubs. The house was amazing, and I was in awe that Edward grew
up like this. My childhood home was modest in comparison. I stopped in the large
family room and noticed that Esme had pictures on the fireplace mantel.
There, directly in between Edward and Emmett's Marine Corps boot camp
pictures, was a gold and purple metal. I sucked in a breath.
"When he gave that to me, I didn't feel right about it. I didn't earn it, he did,"
Esme said, walking up behind me.
"I had no idea," I said, looking at the Purple Heart.
"He doesn't talk about it, and you would never know since the scars are covered
by ink." I stood in the family room for a while looking at the pictures that were
displayed. There were a lot of the guys in their military uniforms, Jasper included.
Some in the desert, some with palm trees in the background. There was also a
picture of Alice and Jasper, dressed in semi-formal clothes, Alice holding a bouquet
of flowers. They were in a tattoo shop showing off the tattoos on their left ring
fingers. I hadn't realized they were married until that moment, since they didn't
wear traditional rings and both had so many tattoos.
There was also many of Kate with everyone. Her sandy blonde hair and bright
blue eyes were definitely from her father, who had very light hair and eyes. Emmett
got his mother's hair and his dad's eyes, but Edward…he looked a lot like his mom.
Her reddish brown hair and green eyes were given to her oldest child.
When I walked back out to the beach, it was hard not to look at him differently. He
was a war hero, someone worth more to this country than anything else. I wanted to
- 29 -
wrap my arms around him and thank him for everything he gave. Hug him for what
he lost.
I was taken out of my thoughts when the man from the picture, Edward's father
Carlisle, came out of the house. He greeted his sons warmly and kissed Kate on the
cheek, but only after giving her boyfriend a hard time. It seemed that his sons got
their playfulness from him.
"It's a pleasure to meet you girls," he said to me and Rose. He eyed how close
Rose and Em were sitting and then looked over at Esme and winked. He was
charming and sweet, and I was instantly in love with Edward's entire family.
We barbequed, ate ice cream cake after singing happy birthday, and played in the
water. After dinner, a few of Emmett and Edward's friends from high school stopped
by. Some of them had young children, and I watched as Edward played with a little
girl that was no older than three or four. She would run down the dock to the slide,
which was anchored at the end, and then waited for Edward to be in position. Then
she'd slide down, right into his arms and made him swim her back to shore, just to
do it all over again.
I wondered why, at thirty-years-old, he wasn't settled down with children. He
seemed to love being around them and was so good with children. It made me a
little sad to think about it for some reason.
As the sun started to set, everyone left, and Carlisle started a bonfire on the
beach. We all sat around and talked, telling stories and making jokes. At one point
Rose and Emmett disappeared.
"Where do you think they went?" Alice asked, looking over at Jasper. He pointed
to the shed that held all the boating stuff. I could see four feet, tangled together,
sticking out from behind it.
"You owe me," I said to Edward.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess rolling around in the grass counts," he replied, pulling a ten
out of his wallet.
"Oh no you don't, mister. You raised the bet to twenty…that means you give me
twenty," I said, holding my hand out. He dug back in his wallet and grabbed another
ten, slapping them down in my open palm.
Rose and Emmett came back a little while later and tried to act as if nothing
- 30 -
happened. I knew she'd tell me what happened when we got home anyway, so I
didn't bug her. Everyone else gave knowing looks but, surprisingly, didn't say
anything to them.
We said our goodbyes around midnight and loaded into the cars. I was sad to see
the day end, but I was exhausted and ready for bed at the same time. I must have
fallen asleep on the ride home because I was startled awake by Edward saying my
name.
"We're almost there," he whispered apologetically, turning the corner. I rubbed
my eyes and tried to wake up, reaching back to wake a sleeping Rose. I took the
front seat when Emmett cut me off to get into that back with her before we left. She
had her head on Emmett's chest, and his arms were wrapped around her.
"Thanks for coming," Edward said when he pulled up to the apartment building.
"Thanks for the invite. I had a good time," I replied, getting out of the car. I waited
on Rose to say goodbye to Emmett; they had both gotten out of the back seat and
were kissing, promising to call each other.
"Lucy, you have some 'splaining to do," I said to Rose in my best Ricky Ricardo
voice as we walked into the apartment. She plopped down on the couch with a big
cheesy grin on her face.
"I'm in love," she sighed.
- 31 -
Fake It
SM owns Twilight
Who's to know if your soul will fade at all?
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way, yeah
Good god, you're comin' up with reasons
Good god, you're draggin' it out
And good god, it's the changin' of the seasons
I feel so right, so follow me down and just
Fake it, if you're out of direction
Fake it, if you don't belong, yeah
Fake it, if you feel like infection
Whoa, you're such a fuckin' hypocrite
~Seether
BPOV
It had been three weeks since Edward's birthday and every day that passed was
torture. He was always so close, moving through the crowds, while I refilled patron's
drinks. He didn't speak to me, let alone really look at me. Alice told me not to take it
personally, that he was just like that, but I couldn't help it.
Rose slammed the door, causing the glass of the coffee table to vibrate. I was
sitting in front of my laptop going over a few emails. I had uploaded a new program
that I wanted to show to Edward. It would help to keep the books for him, breaking
everything down, so that he wouldn't have to bring that geeky accountant guy in so
much. In the end, it might save him money, so I thought it was a good idea to at
- 32 -
least bring it up, but that would involve talking to him. Something that I didn't think
he'd be interested in.
"I fucking hate James! I swear I'm going to cut his dick off, put it through a meat
grinder, and then feed it to that skank, Victoria!" she screamed as she made her way
through the living room and back into her bedroom. I didn't say anything back, but
she was still screaming as she rummaged through her closet. I could see her
throwing things around. She walked back out a few minutes later with her work bag
in hand.
"I thought you had tonight off?" I asked, looking at the bag that held her
'supplies'.
"Me too, but since Tori is fucking James and he runs my fucking life, I have to go
in so she can have the night off. I can't do this shit anymore," she said with an
aggravated sigh.
She'd been back and forth about quitting since Edward's birthday, but the money
was too good and the job search didn't go well. She didn't have a college degree and
didn't have any valuable job skills, so she wasn't offered anything that made even
close to the same amount. She had also started to drink more heavily to make it
through a shift, and I really hoped that she wasn't going to revert back to using
something heavier. I didn't think my heart or my head could go through that again.
"Do you want me to come in tonight? I don't have to work, so I could come up
there and hang out," I offered. While I didn't go to the Vu often, when I did, Rose
seemed to relax a little more.
"You'd do that for me?" she asked as she plopped down on the floor and hugged
me. I hugged her back and nodded my head. Sometimes I felt like her lifeline, the
rock she needed to make it through the day. It was part of the reason I didn't
venture too far from Flint to find work. I couldn't find it in myself to leave her.
"Of course, just let me get changed," I said, pulling myself off the floor. I was in
sweats and a ratty t-shirt, so I threw on a pair of jeans and a cute top. I grabbed
some money off the top of my dresser and shoved it into my pocket. Sometimes I'd
sit up at the stage and throw money at Rose, she'd grind around me, and the men
would eat it up. She would always make twice as much when I was there. Rose used
me as bait, and the guys fell for it…hook, line, and sinker.
"Ready, love," I said, making my way towards the door. Rose raised a shot glass to
her mouth and downed what I was guessing was vodka. She nodded her head and
- 33 -
followed me out.
The parking lot was packed, and I went around back to park. She went into the
back entrance as I went into the front. I didn't like hanging out in the dressing
rooms so I always went through the main entrance.
"Hey there, Bella," Tom, the front desk guy, greeted me. I was past having to pay
a cover charge, even though I thought it was dumb as hell to charge girls to get in.
The strippers always made more money when girls came in, and that meant James
made more from his cut of the night.
I waved and made my way into the club. The lights and music were overwhelming
as I walked in, noticing that everyone was pressed around the stage as Amber, aka
"Bambi," twirled around the pole. I took a seat in the back and ordered a diet pop.
They didn't serve alcohol, since it was a fully nude club, so I sipped the drink,
wishing it had a little bit of something extra in it.
I watched as Amber worked the crowd, her fake boobs pressed on either side of
the two story tall pole. She worked her way all the way up, sliding down as she
flipped and spread eagle around it. I had gotten used to the amount of vag I saw in
this place. At first it was rather jarring - the women not shy about opening their legs
to the strangers that salivated at the sight. I could never do it; there was something
to intimate about a man being that close to my downstairs lady business.
"Miss Bella," James said as he walked up to my table. He was a greasy, slim ball of
a man. In his earlier forties and still he walked around like he was a
twenty-something Casanova. His overly gelled hair was pulled back into a ponytail.
His face was attractive, and I could tell that before he lived a hard life, he was good
looking, but the sneer he wore all the time and the look of lust that he had when he
looked at women was enough to make him disgusting. His blue eyes roamed my
figure for a moment before he locked eyes with me.
"James," I scoffed, not wanting to talk to him but unable to avoid him altogether.
He took that as an invitation to sit down, not that I could stop him, he owned the
place.
"Looking good, really good. I wish you'd take me up on my offer already; you're far
too sexy to hide behind those baggy clothes all the time," he groaned, his eyes going
back to traveling down my modestly dressed body. He'd been trying to get me on the
pole for too long, always dropping hints about the amount of money I could pull in
with my "natural" body. Most of the women were augmented in more than one way.
That was part of the reason he liked Rose so much, she was naturally beautiful.
- 34 -
"You just want to see me naked," I retorted, a look of pure contempt on my face. I
took another sip of my drink, feeling the need to bite my tongue before I went off on
him.
"That's just one of many reasons," he replied in what he probably thought was a
sexy tone. I almost vomited in my mouth. Luckily, he walked away, since he was
working and not just trying to get into my panties.
I watched as Amber left the stage and a few more girls came out. I was starting to
get worried about where Rose was until the DJ finally announced her name.
"Taking center stage is the beautiful, Daisy. Show a little love and she just might
show some back," he announced. I watched as Rose walked out, her legs shapely in
tall, clear shoes. She was wearing what looked to be a corset and panties, but I
knew that both were fitted with Velcro so that they could be taken off very easily. It
was just one of the many outfits she bought to make things go a little more smoothly
on stage.
I could see in her eyes that she was wasted, but her movements were flawless.
She moved like there wasn't anyone in the room. Slowly, she stripped to nothing,
grinding around on the floor, only to work her way back to the pole. She arched her
back while on all fours; her movements were cat like. She smiled at the clients,
winking and acting like they were all her boyfriend.
She was amazing at faking it, putting on her mask of confidence and sexiness,
when I knew full well she wanted to be doing anything but what she was doing in
that moment. I looked over to see James watching her, licking his lips and burning
holes into her with his gaze.
I did what I had planned, making my way towards the stage. Men started to throw
money at us, and Rose smiled as she placed a short kiss on my lips. She was in her
own world, far away from the reality of everything.
I spent most of the night dodging advances and making sure that Rose wasn't in
the lap dance area too long with any one person. By the time the last person was
gone, I was tired as hell and ready to get to bed.
I walked to the back, looking for Rose when I heard James' low voice.
"I don't know why you resist. You look at me like I look at you. It's only a matter of
time."
- 35 -
I walked into the room to find him pressed against Rose, her pant covered butt
against the long vanity. I could see his face in the mirror, but he wasn't looking at
me. His eyes were lower, looking at a topless Rose.
"Get the fuck off her; I'm ready to go," I said, getting his attention. He backed
away, and Rose swayed, too drunk to hold herself up anymore.
"We could make this a three-way," he suggested, looking between us. I huffed and
grabbed Rose, pulling her shirt over her head and snatched her bag from the floor.
He didn't say anything more as I dragged her out of the room and into the parking
lot. We were followed closely by one of the bouncers, but he went back inside after
we were locked in my car.
"You need to quit that fucking place. It's only a matter of time before he doesn't
take no for an answer," I shrilled as I pulled out of the parking lot. She mumbled
something but then went silent. Most of the car ride was filled with the humming of
the engine.
"Emmett probably hates me for not calling him back, but this is why I can't. I can't
be with him; he deserves better. I'm a whore; I sell my body at work. I'm no better
than my mother," she whispered. I pulled into the parking lot of our apartment
complex and cut the engine.
"You listen to me right fucking now! I better not ever hear you say shit like that
again!" I yelled, fuming that she'd compare herself to that woman. A woman that
traded just about anything for her next hit.
I left her in the car and went inside, pissed off and tired. She walked in a few
minutes later, going straight to bed. We didn't talk about it again, pretending the
night never happened. It made me wonder how many times she was assaulted like
that by James.
"What's got you all spacey?" Alice asked the next night at work. Every time I
looked at Emmett, it would make me think of Rose. I could see that he wanted to ask
me about her, but he never did. Something needed to give.
"Nothing, just family drama," I said, not lying but not telling the full truth either.
She left it alone, but that look of knowing on her face was too much. I walked away
quickly before she changed her mind and started to talk again.
Everything seemed to be a mess. Edward was avoiding me for reasons unknown;
Emmett was a big emo man-child, complete with a pouty bottom lip and puppy dog
- 36 -
eyes. Rose was slowly spiraling out of control. And here I was, in the middle of it all,
without one fucking clue on how to fix any of it.
"Bella!"
I heard my name being shouted across the room. Seether was on stage, doing an
acoustic set, but the band had taken a breather so the music wasn't as loud.
I looked over to see that Eric and Mike, two guys that I'd known since elementary
school, had walked in the door. It didn't take long for Eric to pull me into a huge
hug. I adored him and squeezed tightly around his neck, since it had been at least a
couple months since I had seen them around.
Eric's dark hair and eyes were always our common thread, since both Rose and
Mike were blond and blue eyed. We were always together in high school, but after
Rose's parents' deaths, they faded away a little. Not that I could blame them.
"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, kissing them both on the cheek.
"We heard you worked here so we thought we'd check it out. You look good," Eric
said, pulling me into another hug. While we had never been more than friends, he
was definitely that guy I would openly flirty with at parties. His almond shaped eyes
and shaggy straight hair made him cute in a geeky way. Since he went to college for
computers, the geek part was very accurate.
"Well, let me buy you a drink," I said, directing them to the bar.
EPOV
I was getting fucking tired of faking my way through life. I was definitely tired of
faking the fact that I didn't give a shit about Bella. It was like she was one of those
globes, the things that when you touched it, the little flickers of electricity would
follow your fingers. She felt like static cling. Her very aura clung to my skin. It was
fucking silly, since she wasn't in my league at all.
She didn't seem to notice me, going about her work as if I didn't exist. I watched
her, waiting for her to look at me but was always gravely disappointed. There were
many times I wanted to pull her into a dark corner, look her in the eyes and ask if
she felt anything, because I felt too fucking much.
While I wasn't a monk, relationships weren't my thing. I didn't give a fuck about a
girl's life, outside what she was wearing under her clothes when I did give into the
- 37 -
urge to hook up. I didn't care if they had family or if they were planning to run for
fucking president. Most of the time, I didn't even care if they had a name.
When it came to Bella, though, I wanted to know everything. It was hard to get
any information out of Alice, Jasper, and Emmett, because that would just be too
obvious.
The only things I knew for sure was that her parents were still married, she was a
local and had lived in Flint her entire live, Rose was like a sister, and she would
rather sit at home and listen to music than be out at a club or bar. All of these things
were learned from over hearing conversations. I wanted more.
I walked out of the office and turned the corner, passing the side of the stage and
bathrooms. As I made my way through the crowd, I was looking for Bella. I could see
Jessica and Alice waiting on people, Jasper and Emmett near the front door, and
then I heard her name being yelled.
I looked over to see a bright smile cross her lips as she practically jumped into a
little Asian kid's arms. The other guy, who looked like he was straight out of a Gap
ad, hugged her after the other guy finally let her go. As if I wasn't already irate
enough, she leaned in and kissed both those fuckers on the cheek. My fists clenched,
and I tried to look away.
I couldn't help but watch as she led them to the bar, pulled out some money from
her pocket, and bought them both a beer. I passed by Emmett and Jasper, both of
their eyes locking on me, and made my way over. The two guys looked up as I
walked directly behind Bella.
"I don't pay you to chat with your friends; get back to work," I said in her ear. I
tried to whisper it but was obviously unsuccessful since both her friends gave me
shitty looks.
I walked away, going back into the office before she could respond. I sat down in
the chair and pulled at my hair. I was fucking up left and right, and I knew it. This
jealousy inside me was irrational. I didn't own Bella. I wasn't her boyfriend, I wasn't
even her friend. I knew I wasn't ready for anything close to what I wanted. I knew I
couldn't be with her, no matter how much my chest ached at the thought, but I did
want to be her friend. I wasn't going about anything the right way in order for that
to happen though.
"What the fuck was that?" Emmett asked as he walked in, shutting the door
behind him.
- 38 -
"I don't know what you're talking about, bro," I replied, trying to hide the anger.
He just shook his head.
"Since when do you care if we talk to our friends…I'll tell you, you don't! Alice and
Jasper disappear all the time to make-out, Jessica is always talking more than she's
working, Seth has his girl in here all the time, and you don't say shit. So I'll ask you
again, brother, since when do you care?"
I didn't like his tone.
"It's busy, and she needed to get back to work. I'm managing my bar," was my
reply. It was a bullshit reason; we both knew it. He sat down across from me and
just stared into my eyes.
"You like her," he said. It wasn't a question, just him stating what he thought was
a fact. It was a fact, but I wasn't going to confirm that shit.
"You're insane," I replied.
"You need to get out of your head for a second, Edward. Not everyone is Tanya.
Just because that bitch fucked you over doesn't mean everyone will. You think I
haven't noticed how much you avoid Bella? But when she isn't looking, you study
her, like she's some riddle that you can't figure out. Take it from someone being
avoided, it sucks. You think she hasn't noticed that shit? Well, guess what, she has.
She watches you, too. Maybe you should let go of that insecurity and doubt that has
plagued you for seven years and try to live a little.
"Mom would hate to see you like this. You deserve to be happy. You've given up so
much in your life; you deserve to get a little in return. Tyler would hate that you're
still all fucked up. He'd tell you fucking strap that pain down and move on. We all
knew what we were signing up for, him included. We can all hide from it, but it
catches up with us if we try to pretend it didn't happen. Look at Jasper. He's
accepted that the shit that happened changed us and people died that day, but he's
grateful that he wasn't one of them. Just because Tyler died doesn't mean that you
have to follow him there. You live like you're dead right now, and that's just fucking
sad," he said, getting up to leave. He stopped at the door, looking back at me, his
face so fucking sad it about made me cry.
"Someday you'll understand that the more you push people away, the more you're
only hurting yourself. You and Rose should make a club for Avoiders Anonymous or
some shit because it's amazing how much you two have in common," he said, leaving
me with my thoughts.
- 39 -
I hated that I was just lectured by my little brother, but then again, I wasn't acting
like his big brother. I hadn't acted like that in a long fucking time.
I pulled up an Internet browser and looked up the contact information for Nancy
and Kevin Crowley. I hadn't tried to reach out to them after getting home. I was
going to have to treat this like AA and use those twelve fucking steps.
I already knew I had a problem, more than one if you really wanted to get picky
about it. I needed to look for forgiveness, and the Crowley's would be the first step. I
couldn't save their son, and I knew deep down, they had to hate me for it. It was
time to face that shit head on; too bad it took me seven years to get there.
I wrote the numbers down and walked back out into the main area of the bar. I
locked eyes with Bella, who was back hard at work. She didn't look away, just looked
at me as I looked at her. There was something in her eyes that made me want to
hold her in my arms. Reluctance took over when I smiled slightly. She turned away
and didn't look at me again for the rest for the night.
When I got home, I laid the paper on my nightstand that held the number to
Nancy and Kevin. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the last time I really
thought about Tyler. He was our boy, we grew up together, the four of us. Me,
Jasper, and Tyler all went to the recruiting office together and enlisted. Our parents
were so proud. Emmett was the only that had to wait since he was a year younger.
As I drifted asleep, his face was in my thoughts.
There was a quick movement as I looked around for any other people that could
be injured. Everyone was accounted for except for Tyler. The attack was so fast that
we all took cover where we could.
"Crowley!" I shouted, not caring if it blew my cover. I needed to find him.
Suddenly, I was in quick sand as I watched everyone I cared about being shot
execution style in front of me. Kate, my mom, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, my
dad…Bella…everyone, one by one. The more I struggled, the deeper I sank down
into the vile smelling sand. I couldn't breathe, it was filling my nose and throat.
I woke up gasping clinging to my sheets. My entire body was wet with sweat. I
looked at the clock and realized that I had only been asleep a few hours. I rolled
back over and stared at the clock, counting the minutes until the sun would rise.
- 40 -
Monster You Made Me
SM owns Twilight
Erase this monster I've become
Forgive me for all the damage done
It's not over
Say it's not over
I'm begging for mercy
I'm only the monster you made me
I'm better alone now
See I'm torn from my mistakes
And I stop believing that I could ever make things change
How much can I take
When I know that it hurts you
How long can I wait
When I can't go on like this anymore
~Pop Evil
BPOV
"He's so fucking frustrating!" I yelled as soon as I walked into our apartment. I
threw my purse on the couch and flopped down next to it, screaming into my hands.
I was completely embarrassed when Edward scolded me in front Mike and Eric.
They had both asked what it was about after he walked away, but I brushed them
off. I didn't really have an answer for the question anyway. What made it worse,
- 41 -
though, was that he smiled at me not even an hour later. How can someone go from
being an asshole to a nice guy in that short of a time? I was getting sick of dealing
with his mood swings. Maybe I should look for a new job, I thought to myself as I
watched Rose walk out of her room. I must have woken her up based on the way she
was stumbling down the short hallway, her hair mussed and her lips a little swollen.
"What's all the yelling about?" she asked, sitting next to me on the couch.
"Edward's a dick," I said with a huff. This caused her to laugh.
"Yeah, I think I told you that when you first saw him. What did he do?" she asked,
turning so she could lay her head on the back of the sofa, hugging her legs to her
chest.
I recounted the night's events. She was bummed that she wasn't there to see Eric
and Mike, but she was in full 'avoid Emmett' mode. After I told her what Edward
said to me, she clicked her tongue, obviously not pleased with the remark that he'd
made to me.
"Okay, I'm going to give my opinion on it all, and if you don't want to listen, then
don't, but I'm going to say it anyway. There's a lot to Edward you don't know, and
most of what I know is just hearsay. But if you like him, be cautious. I know how you
are, Bella; you want to fix people. I'm not sure that man is fixable. Just guard your
heart."
I nodded my head, wondering what she knew. I wasn't going to ask because I
knew she wouldn't tell me. She liked people to tell their own stories, which was why
I hadn't told Emmett the reasons behind her not calling him.
I was actually surprised that he hadn't come to our apartment. He knew where we
lived, but I guessed he didn't want to come off as a stalker.
"I honestly don't know what I feel, about any of this. I mean, obviously, he's
beautiful, but there's just something about him, something more than just his face.
I'm drawn to him, which is just stupid since I don't know anything about him. It's
really confusing," I sighed, leaning my forehead against hers. It was something that
we'd been doing since we were little kids. She was more than my best friend, she
was my sister.
We closed our eyes and sat like that for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.
"Do you think Emmett will understand? If I told him about my job, do you think
- 42 -
he'd look at me differently? I just don't want him to think I'm something I'm not."
I opened my eyes to see that she had tears running down her cheeks. Her mascara
running under her eyes, making her look just as tired as I was sure she felt. I wiped
them away with my thumbs and smiled at her.
"If he lumps you into something because of your job, then he's an idiot, Rose."
We ended up falling asleep together on the couch. For many years we slept in the
same bed, curled into each other. Rose needed the physical contact after the death
of her parents.
"Bella, can I speak with you for a moment?" Edward asked as soon as I walked in
the door for work a few days later. I hadn't seen him since he made the comment to
me at work in front of my friends. Alice said that he was taking some time off, going
to his parents for a few days.
"Yeah," I replied and followed him to the office. He left the door open, and I closed
it behind me before taking a seat across from him.
"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. I didn't mean to come
off like that, and I feel bad that I made you feel as if I don't like you or that you
aren't a good employee," he said in a rush of words. I looked at him in confusion, not
knowing where this apology was coming from.
"Umm…yeah, it's not a big deal. I mean, you're the boss, right? It's fine, really.
Apology accepted," I replied, getting up to leave. As I passed by the desk, his big
hand wrapped around my wrist, halting my movements.
I looked down to see that he was intently watching the way his skin was pressing
into mine. The heat from his palm radiated up my forearm. I shifted my stance so
that we were facing each other. His hand slowly slid down until his fingertips were
touching mine. My fingers twitched at the contact, making him pull back.
"I just…I want to be friends with you, Bella. I don't want to push you away, but I
don't know how to do this," he said, pointing between us.
"You don't know how to be friends with someone? That's a little crazy since you do
have friends," I replied, taking a step away from him. I was finding it hard to
concentrate being so close to him. The husky, manly smell of his cologne combined
with the earthiness that was just his smell was too much.
- 43 -
He laughed and shook his head.
"I know how to be friends with my friends because they've been around my entire
life, besides Alice, but she could befriend a tiger while wearing a meat suit," he said,
smiling slightly at his own joke.
"I just don't know how to let new people in. All I'm asking is to…just…give me
some time, don't take things too personally, okay? I really do want to try and be
friends," he said, looking up at me with his intense green eyes. His long, dark lashes
curving over his eyelids so perfectly.
"Yeah, that sounds good to me," I replied in a whisper. I left the room quickly and
tried to keep myself busy through my shift. We locked eyes a few times, each time
smiling at each other, but other than that, I went home without any answers and
even more questions. Did he really want to be my friend, or was he saying that out
of guilt for how he had treated me?
I ate a late snack and watched a movie, waiting for Rose to get off her shift. At
about four-thirty in the morning, she walked in, smelling like cheap vodka and heavy
perfume.
"Did you drive?" I asked, knowing she was wasted. She tripped over the shoes
she'd just kicked off, cussing as she held her toes and tried to jump on one foot.
"No, Kim dropped me off," she said, flopping down across the couch so that she
was lying with her head in my lap. She looked up at me and smiled. Her eyes were
heavily lidded because of the alcohol, and her mouth was turned up into a dopey
looking grin.
"So did you talk with Edward? Is he back from his little vacation?" she asked with
slight sarcasm.
"Yeah, he called me into his office. He apologized and said that he wants us to be
friends," I said, huffing a little. She rolled so that she was on her side, her face
buried in my stomach. She was feeling needy; she obviously had a rough night, so I
ran my fingers through her hair.
"Is that what you want, to be just friends?" she asked, the words muffled by the
fabric of my shirt. I didn't answer right away, thinking about what I really wanted.
"No," I whispered to a snoring Rose.
- 44 -
EPOV
"What time are you going over the Crowley's house, sweetie?" my mom asked as
she poured me a glass of orange juice. No matter my age, she treated me like I was
still eight-years-old.
"When I called Nancy, I said that I would be there for dinner, so around five," I
answered.
The morning I had woken up from yet another dream about Tyler, I had called his
parents. They seemed happy to hear from me, inviting me up for dinner. I knew that
I needed to talk to them in person, so I accepted the invitation. I decided to take a
couple days, spend some time with my family. It was going to be an emotional
rollercoaster.
"Do you plan to visit Tyler? You haven't been back there since the funeral," she
asked, flipping pancakes. I shook my head, which made her frown. It was too hard; I
had to do one thing at a time.
The silence was broken by Kate coming down the stairs, talking loudly into her
cell phone.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, hanging up with whomever she was talking
to.
"I got in late last night; you were already sleeping," I replied. She sat down next to
me at the bar and took a piece of bacon off my plate.
"What do we owe the pleasure?" she asked with a full mouth.
"I'm here to see Tyler's parents," I answered, watching her mouth drop slightly.
"Oh," she said, swallowing the food in her mouth.
"Umm…I'm sorry, Edward," she said, not knowing what to say. I hated that people
tip-toed around the subject like I was going to have a nervous breakdown at the
thought of Tyler. It used to happen, but I was better than I was seven years ago.
"It's okay, sis," I said, pulling her into my side and kissing her cheek. She smacked
my arm and yelled at me for kissing her, but she smirked slightly.
"So you're going to come up next month for my show, right?" she asked, flipping
- 45 -
through an Equestrian magazine that was on the counter. Kate had been riding
horses since she could walk and always showed her horse, Lightening, at the County
Fair.
"I wouldn't miss it," I replied.
"You should tell everyone to come up for a few days; your birthday was so much
fun. Plus, we'll be staying at the camper down by the fairgrounds, so there will be
plenty of room. And I like that Bella girl," my mother said, taking a bite of her
pancake.
I filled my plate and thought about Bella coming back to my home town. While I
didn't object to it, the way I treated her would probably garner me a 'no' in response
to the invitation.
Kate said goodbye, heading to town to hang out with her boyfriend. I still didn't
trust that kid.
"So how's life, sweetie?" my mom asked as she filled the dishwasher after I helped
clear the food away.
"Good, I guess. Bar's doing well."
"Yeah, but how are you?"
"Mom," I whined, not wanting to talk about me.
"Well, it's just, you bring this girl with you for your birthday. I watch all day as you
two make eyes at each other, and then I don't hear a word about her. What's up?"
I huffed and sat down at the table. My mom saw everything.
"I just…I was a dick to her, and I'm pretty sure I ruined everything. I'm not even
sure she wants to be friends with me. It's…Tanya fucked me up, and I don't trust
anyone anymore. Plus, I've been having more nightmares lately. I'm just not sane
enough to have her in my life," I ranted. My mother sat down across from me and
took my hands in hers.
"I think you need to stop thinking. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's her choice if she wants
to be in your life. Don't take her choice away from her," she said, leaning over to
kiss my cheek. She and Emmett must have taken a seminar on pep talks together.
- 46 -
I rang the doorbell of the quaint house with a large wraparound porch. They still
had the yellow ribbons tied around the trees in the front yard. After all these years,
they had started to fade, but they were still there.
The door opened and Nancy stepped out, pulling me into her arms immediately.
When she pulled back, she took my face in her hands, really looking at me.
"Edward," she sighed, "it's been too long. Come in, please."
I followed her into the house and noticed that nothing had changed. They still had
all of Tyler's pictures hung on the wall going up the staircase. From kindergarten to
his boot camp picture.
Tyler's mom looked the same, too. She had a few more laugh lines around her
eyes, but she still looked too young to have a child that could serve in the military.
Her deep mocha skin was always flawless. She had light brown eyes that always had
happiness in them, even during the bad times.
"Would you like anything to drink?" she asked, heading towards the kitchen. I
nodded and watched as she pulled out a beer from the fridge. It was a Bud Light,
Mr. Crowley's favorite beer. Tyler and I used to get into a lot of trouble for stealing a
few back in high school.
"Thanks."
She leaned against the counter and watched me as I pulled the twist top off.
"I see you added a few more tattoos. You kids always did love it," she commented,
pointing to my fully sleeved arm. It was made up of torn digital camouflage and
where there was gaps looked like I had a mechanical arm. The sleeve went all the
way to my collarbone, and then dipped down into the Purple Heart that was over my
left peck.
"Yeah, well, you know me…I'm a masochist."
She laughed and turned to pull something out of the oven. It was her famous
lasagna and my mouth watered at the smell.
"I see your eyes glazing over. I used to think you were only friends with Tyler for
my cooking," she said with a laugh. It seemed so easy for her to talk about him.
"Naw, it was just a bonus," I replied, trying to keep it light. The front door opened
- 47 -
and Kevin walked in. His deep blue coveralls were stained with grease, and he
looked like he had a long day at the shop. He worked for the local trash company,
fixing their trucks and equipment.
"Get your ass over here," he said, slipping out of his boots. He gripped me into a
tight hug as soon as I was within reach.
"It's good to see you," he said in my ear, his voice wavering slightly. I pulled back
and smiled at him. It was amazing how much Tyler looked like his dad. Same dark
skin, cropped hair, deep brown eyes.
"You too, sir," I said.
"There you go with that 'sir' stuff. You've been doing that since you were
five-years-old." He shook his head, walking towards the kitchen. I followed behind
and watched as he kissed his wife softly before heading up the stairs.
Fifteen minutes later, he came back down, showered and in oil-free clothes.
We sat down to dinner and ate, talking about work and our lives. They wanted to
know what I had been doing but treated me like they had just seen me yesterday.
Their eyes didn't hold any of the hate that I was expecting, instead they looked at
me just like they used to, with love. I wasn't sure how to broach the subject of Tyler,
but after Nancy cleared away the desert plates, I just blurted what I was feeling out.
"I'm sorry that I didn't do enough to save Tyler," I said, looking down at the table.
I couldn't meet their eyes; I didn't want to see their expressions. "That why I came
here, to apologize. I carry the guilt with me all the time."
"Why would you think you didn't do enough?" she asked, coming back from the
sink to sit at the table with me and Kevin.
"He died. I should have known where he was. He should have never left my sight.
I should have done more; I could have if I wasn't so rattled."
She took my hands in hers and looked me in the eyes.
"Edward, we would never think ill of you. We love you like a son. You, Jasper, and
Emmett, you guys keep Tyler's memories alive for us. You boys were always
together growing up, and we love you all. You got Jasper out of there; you saved
him. If you're concerned that we blame you or that we have some sort of hate for
you, then you are very wrong. We could never, never hate you, dear," she said,
- 48 -
pulling me into a hug.
Kevin walked around and put his hand on my shoulder while I held onto Nancy for
dear life. They both whispered I love you to me, and I started to cry, unable to stop
the tears.
"I just miss him so much," I whispered into her shoulder.
"The only way that people truly die is if their memories are gone, too. We won't let
him be forgotten, so he'll never really die. He'll live forever inside your heart and in
your thoughts, Edward," she said, pulling back and kissing my cheek lightly.
When I crawled into bed that night, I thought about everything that both my mom
and Nancy had said. Tyler would kick my ass if he was here; he'd say I was being an
emo bitch and to get over it. That you can't change the past and the future depends
on how you handle the present.
So when I went to work the next day, I pulled Bella into the office to apologize.
And when I touched her, I knew there was no way that I wanted to be just friends,
despite the words I said to her. But what I wanted and what I was ready for were
worlds apart. I knew that I needed to do something to get closer to Bella, something
to get to know her. But I was worried that I would say or do something to fuck it up.
My moods were all over the place most of the time.
"Hey, Bella," I said, as we were walking out to our cars after closing a few nights
later. Things seemed to be getting less tense between us. She was actually talking to
me at work, and on occasion I would notice her looking at me when she thought I
wasn't paying attention.
She stopped and started to nervously play with her keys. She looked at me
expectantly, waiting for me to say something.
"Umm…so we're all going to my parent's house the week of the County Fair to
watch my sister ride her horse. I was wondering if you wanted to come up with us.
We're going for a few days so we can support Kate, but we'll also go to the fair,
maybe see one of the demolition derbies. What do ya say?" I asked, shoving my
hands in my pockets so that I wouldn't pull at my hair.
"Yeah, that sounds like fun. Do you think that I should call and reserve a motel
room? Do they fill up fast during Fair week?"
"My mom would kill me if you stayed in a motel. There's room at the house; you're
- 49 -
more than welcome," I said, smiling at her slightly.
"Okay, well…maybe I can see if Rose wants to come," she replied, looking back at
her car like she was ready to leave.
"Yeah, sounds good. I'll let you get home. Goodnight, Bella," I said, leaning in and
kissing her cheek. Her breath hitched and her eyes closed as my lips pressed to her
soft skin. I turned and walked away quickly, hearing her mutter a goodnight to my
back.
I had a few weeks until I would be with Bella for three straight days. I had three
weeks to figure out what I could and couldn't handle when it came to that woman.
- 50 -
Breaking Inside
SM owns Twilight
I caught a chill and it's still frozen on my skin
I think about why I'm alone by myself no one else to explain
How far do I go no one knows
If the end is so much better why don't we just live forever?
Don't tell me I'm the last one in line
Don't tell me I'm too late this time
I don't wanna live to waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I've made
'cuz I feel like I'm breaking inside
~Shinedown
BPOV
"So, why are we doing this again?" Rose asked as we made our way onto the
highway.
"Because it's going to be fun," I replied, but for some reason it came out like a
question. It took me two weeks to get her to agree to come with me to Harrison for
the fair. She still hadn't spoken to Emmett, and the thought of hanging out with him
and his family would have most likely freaked her out, so I lied a little bit. I told her
that we were just going for the day, just the two of us, to have some fatty food and
ride some rides. I knew immediately she wouldn't look at it as a little white lie, but
rather, a big, huge lie wrapped in a dishonest bun, covered in a condiment of deceit.
I didn't tell her of their plans to be at the fair, even when she asked, so I just
pretended that I didn't hear her when she would bring up her concerns. I was a
really bad friend, but I didn't want to face Edward alone, and I knew deep down she
- 51 -
really wanted to see Emmett again.
As we got off the exit, passing the Burger King on our way into town, I decided
that I had to tell her before we got to the Cullen's house, so I took a deep breath and
braced for impact.
"We're staying at Edward and Emmett's for the next three days. I packed you a
bag, and I didn't tell you because I knew you would freak out. Don't hate me,
please," I said in a rush of words, gripping the steering wheel.
Her face said it all. She turned bright red and her nostrils flared.
"What the fuck do you mean we're staying with them?!" she yelled. I pulled the car
over into the parking lot of a closed used car lot. The little office looked more like a
tiny trailer. There were things about the tiny town that made me laugh, even in a
serious situation.
"Look, I know you're freaked out about getting involved with Emmett, but this will
be good. You need to talk to him, and I think it will be better to do it in person. You
won't be a surprise to him…he knows that I'm bringing you, in case you're worried
about that. Just please, do this for me. I can't be there alone," I said, giving her my
best puppy dog eyes. She knew that after Edward kissed my cheek, I was a fumbling
mess around him. I could barely be near him without thinking about how his soft lips
felt against my skin. I spilled more beer in the last three weeks than I could probably
pay for with my paycheck.
She huffed a little, looking at her nails and rolling her eyes. I waited patiently until
she finally said fine and we got back on the road. I had a feeling deep down she
wanted to see Emmett because she didn't put up much of a fight, and that just
proved my theory right.
When we pulled up to the house, Alice came outside, smiling brightly.
"Hey," she greeted as she took the bag out of my hand. Rose seemed weary of
talking to her, staying on the passenger side of the car.
"Don't worry. He's been talking all morning about you coming, even though he
won't act like it, he's excited. I think you'll be surprised how much that guy can
forgive," she said to Rose. I had a feeling Alice knew a lot more about the situation
than she let on, but I never asked her.
Rose just smiled grimly and followed us into the house. Esme immediately pulled
- 52 -
me into a hug, kissing my cheek.
"I'm so happy to see you again," she said, pulling me further into the house, with a
slight hello to Rose. She didn't say anything more to her, and I was guessing that
she had some hard feelings about the situation. But Rose followed anyway,
shrugging off the non-greeting that Esme gave her.
Edward walked around the corner, greeting us warmly also. He even hugged me,
which I ate up. I could see Rose looking around, waiting for Emmett to appear. She
didn't have to wait long, because as soon as we stepped out the backdoor, Emmett
was in full view. He had his shirt off and was wading into the water, while Kate and
Garrett swam further out.
Rose sucked in a breath and stopped dead in her tracks. Emmett turned slowly
and locked eyes with her, never wavering in his gaze. It wasn't a look of anger, but
rather, a look filled with hurt feelings. I could see Rose, from the corner of my eye;
lift her hand slightly at him, wiggling her fingers. He just smirked and dove into the
water, not resurfacing for a while.
After chatting with Esme and getting another tour of the house, for Rose's benefit,
we settled into our room. Mine was a guest room across from Edward's, which I
would be sharing with Rose. She, of course, was pouting about the fact that Emmett
barely acknowledged her as we put our bags away. As we made our way back
downstairs, I asked her how she could be mad since she'd been ignoring him for
weeks. That shut her up quickly.
We ate dinner and made idle chit-chat as I stared at Edward, and Emmett stared
at Rose. Alice and Jasper kept leaning into each other, obviously whispering about
the tension.
Carlisle came in halfway through dinner and had to hurry to shower and change. I
didn't see him again until he was quickly eating a plate of food that Esme put in the
oven for him.
After dinner, Esme, Carlisle, and Kate made their way to the camper at the
fairgrounds, where they were staying for the duration of Kate's competitions. Kate
would be riding early the next morning and then all throughout the day. Then she'd
be showing her horse for the next two days for all the fair-goers.
Emmett went outside and started a bonfire on the beach while we all changed into
comfy clothes. As I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, Rose walked into the
room.
- 53 -
"I hate you," she sneered as she changed her clothes. I didn't comment back, not
wanting to argue with her. Instead, I smiled and walked out of the room, making my
way to the fire.
Alice and Jasper were huddled together in a big chair. Emmett and Edward were
in chairs that just so happened to have seats open next to them. I was tempted to
take the one next to Emmett, but thought better of it as he practically growled at
me. So instead, I sank down in the seat next to Edward. Rose walked out a few
minutes later and rolled her eyes, plopping down in the only empty seat.
Edward had been throwing off signals that he was interested in me, just by looks
or the way that he'd sometimes move his body in my direction, over the last few
weeks. But he was always so standoffish, so I wasn't sure how to take some of the
things I was sensing. To say being around him was frustrating was an
understatement.
The guys talked a little bit while the girls roasted marshmallows. Emmett watched
intently as Rose licked gooey marshmallow from her fingers. I looked over to see
that Edward was doing the same thing, except he had the decency to look away
when caught. Emmett just kept looking at Rose.
"What?" she finally asked, rolling her eyes. I knew she was eating up the attention,
but it was her game to act annoyed.
"Nothing," he said back, looking over at me for some guidance. I just shook my
head, not sure what to do or say.
Of course, Alice was never one to mince words.
"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Will you two just grow up? I'm not spending the next
three days like this, so let's just get all the bullshit out now, okay? Rose, Emmett has
been a little emo bitch because you won't call him or answer your phone. Emmett,
Rose doesn't call or answer because she hates her job and doesn't want you to know
what she does for a living. Now that the lines of communication are open, please
proceed with the discussion that is long overdue."
She slid further into Jasper's lap and kissed his cheek. He didn't know whether to
high five her or get far away from her by the look on his face.
Rose and Emmett were both gaping at her like she'd grown an extra boob.
"What are you…some kind of nosey little troll?!" Rose screamed at Alice. Jasper
- 54 -
snorted a laugh, garnering him a punch in the chest by Alice.
"What do you do?" Emmett asked, looking at Rose now. Rose looked around the
group, all five of us looking at her. Then she glanced at me. I nodded my head,
knowing that she needed to say something.
"I work at The Vu," she whispered. The crackling of the fire almost drowned out
her voice.
"As like a server or something?" Emmett asked. His voice was filled with the
hopefulness that she'd say yes. Instead, she shook her head. His face was a little
crestfallen, but he just looked into her eyes and sighed.
"So that's why you didn't call me? Because you thought I would judge you," he
said. She just nodded her head again. After a few moments she got up, tears in her
eyes, and walked away. I could hear her foot steps on the concrete that led to the
house. Then the door shut quietly behind her. Without question, Emmett got up and
followed her into the house, taking over my job of comforting her.
"Alice, why would you do that?" I asked, anger filling my voice. It wasn't her place
to out Rose, yet she took it upon herself to do just that.
"I know how Emmett is; he wouldn't have asked her about it. He hates
confrontation, no matter how out of character that seems to you. He may be loud
and boisterous, but he can be very shy when it comes to women that he's interested
in. He wanted to ask Rose out for a month before I practically forced him to talk to
her. Plus, Rose was doing her fair share of avoiding, so they needed a boost from
someone, and I just happened to be that person. Hate me if you want, but they will
thank me in the end, trust me," she replied. Jasper was sitting behind her nodding
his head the whole time.
Alice and Jasper went into the house not long after, saying that they were tired. I
didn't hear any yelling, so I assumed they didn't run into Rose.
"Well, that was interesting," Edward said quietly.
"Yeah, to say the least."
The fire started to die down and the air grew a little chilly, so I wrapped my arms
around my legs.
"What's the plan for tomorrow?" I asked, not knowing what we would be doing
- 55 -
over the next couple days.
"We'll go see Kate ride and then hang out at the fair for a little while. I have
something I need to do in the morning, so we'll go after I get home."
I didn't ask about his plans, feeling like it was private from the tone of his voice.
When I went to bed that night, I thought about all the possibilities that the next few
days could hold. I really hoped by the end of them, Edward and I would somehow
find a common ground. That we would find a place to start this new friendship that
we had fallen into.
As I fell asleep, it dawned on me that I was alone and I had yet to see Rose. I
wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
EPOV
I could hear the low rumble of Emmett's voice as I was falling asleep. His room
was directly next to mine, and I always used to complain about how loud he was
growing up. Every once in a while, I could hear Rose's voice say something. I didn't
try to eavesdrop and fell asleep quickly, thanks to a sleeping pill.
I woke up before the sun came out, making some coffee while trying not to wake
anyone. Once dressed, I left the house, coffee mug in hand. The drive to the
cemetery didn't take long. It was just on the other side of the lake, near town, right
next to the fairgrounds. The only barrier between the two was a tall line of dense
bushes and trees.
As I pulled into the gate, I could see his headstone. His grave was close to the
main road, so I avoided driving down Townline Lake Road as often as possible
because he was so visible. I sat in the car for a while, looking at the back of his
headstone. There was a round emblem on the back, marking him as a Marine. The
lettering around the outside that spelled out 'The United States Marine Corps', and
the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor were shining in the dim morning light.
I stepped out and walked around, seeing his name and the date that changed my
life. I sunk down onto my knees in front of his headstone and cradled my head in my
hands, tears running down my cheeks. The sun had barely come up, but I was sure
that if anyone in the houses across the street looked out the window, they'd see me
crying. I couldn't find it in myself to care.
"I saw your mom not that long ago, she looked good…seemed to be holding up
well," I said in a whisper. I paused like he was going to talk back to me. He'd most
- 56 -
likely say that he knew I always had a thing for his mom, and then he would talk
about how hot he thought my mom was. The thought made me smile through the
tears.
"I wish I could go back to that day and go left instead of right. If we would have
moved one street over, they wouldn't have been able to ambush us; we would have
seen them coming. I hate myself for making that call. I'm so fucking sorry," I said,
tears running down my face.
I placed my hand on the top of his headstone and sat for a while. A few cars
passed as I sat and listened to the sounds of the fair opening up. I could hear the
announcers for the horse show, knowing that Kate would be riding soon. It took a
little time, but I finally pulled myself off the ground and headed back to the car. The
sun was high in the sky, and the temperature had raised a lot since dawn, so I had to
roll down the windows to let the heat out.
I made my way back to the house and found the downstairs completely empty of
people. I sat down and propped my elbows on the table, resting my forehead in my
hands. I should have gone to see Tyler yesterday morning, but I chickened out, and
now the day that I was supposed to be happy would most likely be shit.
"Hey," I heard from the kitchen. I looked up to see Bella standing in front of the
coffee pot. I must have looked like a mess because she quickly came around and
pulled a chair in front of me. I tried to hide my face from her again.
"Are you okay?" she asked, pulling my hands from my face. I just wanted to crawl
into a hole.
"Please, Edward. Talk to me," she whispered, pulling me closer. So I let it all out. I
talked about going to see Tyler's parents, his grave, all the regret and blame I had.
She just listened, looking me in the eyes the entire time.
"I really hope that one day you'll trust me enough to tell me about that day. The
day that you lost Tyler," she said. I swallowed a big lump in the back of my throat.
"Me too," I replied. I pulled her towards me and hugged her. She wrapped her
arms around me and squeezed tightly. "Today's not the right time, though. We need
to go see Kate and have some fun." She smiled as she pulled away, but then drew
me closer, yet again. Surprisingly, she rested her forehead to mine, looking into my
eyes with her deep brown gaze.
"I'm here for you, anytime you need me," she said in a breathy voice. Just then, I
- 57 -
could hear Emmett parading down the stairs. We pulled away quickly and watched
as the rest of the clan filed into the kitchen. I was surprised to Rose and Emmett
coming in hand-in-hand.
"Did I miss something?" I asked.
BPOV
I was worried when I woke up and didn't find Rose in the bed with me. I figured
she probably slept on the couch or in Emmett's room, depending on how their
conversation went.
I took a shower and, as I was getting dressed, I heard the bedroom door click
shut. I looked out of the bathroom to see Rose sitting at the end of the bed in the
same clothes as the night before.
"You didn't, did you?" I asked, worried she jumped right into sex with Emmett.
She shook her head, but still blushed slightly.
"No, we just talked…a lot. Maybe a few stolen kisses, but nothing heavy or
anything. I told him everything, Bella. About my mom's drug problem, my parent's
deaths…everything. It was so freeing to tell someone. You're the only person I'd ever
had that with, and now I have Emmett, too," she said, smiling widely and throwing
herself back onto the bed, sighing loudly.
"What did he say about your job?" I asked.
"He wants me to quit, but not for him. I told him how much I hated it, and he
thinks I need to quit in order to break the cycle. All the drugs and alcohol around me
isn't a good thing, especially after growing up with an addict for a parent. And I
know these are all things you've said, but when I look at him, I just want to be
better...if that makes sense."
I smiled and walked over to lie next to her. "I'm happy, if you're happy. I can't wait
until you don't have to walk back into that place again," I said, kissing her nose. She
giggled and headed into the bathroom to get ready for the day.
When I got to the kitchen, I looked over to see Edward sitting at the table, head in
his hands. As soon as I realized he'd been crying, I went into panic mode. I wasn't
expecting for him to open up so much, but he did. I knew the story about how Tyler
died would be heart wrenching, but I was looking forward to Edward opening up
even more. I wanted to know everything that made him who he was today.
- 58 -
He seemed to be in a better mood by the time we made it to the fairgrounds, and I
was hoping my talk with him had something to do with that.
We watched Kate ride, which was amazing. Her horse, Lightening, was so fast and
agile. She worked the jumps like she'd never done anything else in her life. Kate
finished her jumps with a huge smile on her face, knowing that she nailed each one
with perfection.
Her horse was a beautiful thoroughbred, with a sandy color coat and a black tail
and mane. As she was jumping, Edward would lean in and explain the types of
obstacles she would come upon. The two bars that were stacked were called a
vertical or an upright, and the two bars that were offset to create a longer jump
were called oxers. He also told me that Kate rode English, but I had no idea what
that meant. However, I didn't say anything, not wanting to sound stupid. It was an
entirely new world to me.
"Do you watch her ride often?" I asked as we made our way to the stables to see
Kate and his parents.
"Yep, if I wasn't deployed, I was here, and I haven't missed a single year since I've
been home. I love watching her ride. She used to ride a pony named Thunder when
she first started. So in homage to him, she named her new baby Lightening. Most
people assume she's a boy horse by the name, but she's all female. She even gets a
little attitude just like Kate. I think they're destined to be together or something,"
Edward said as we walked into the stable. There were people crowding around Kate
and Lightening, petting the gorgeous animal and complimenting her riding.
"You did great," I said, hugging Kate tightly. I could see Garrett waiting off to the
side to hug his girlfriend. Edward got to her first, but soon after, Kate was picked up
off the ground by Garrett, who kissed her square on the mouth. Edward flinched,
but his mom sent him a glare. He was ridiculously over protective of his little sister,
which I thought was adorable.
"Well, we're going to meet up with the rest of the gang. We'll be back for the
ribbon ceremony later today," Edward said. We said our goodbyes and made our
way down a little hill, towards the middle of the fair.
Edward insisted on buying me a bracelet for unlimited rides, which I tried to
decline, but he wrestled it onto my wrist.
"Don't fight me, Bella; I always win," he said as he pulled the sticky end into place,
securing the bright orange band to my wrist. His thumb smoothed over my wrist,
- 59 -
and it sent the best sensation straight to my heart, causing it to thump wildly in my
chest.
He turned and started to walk away, the strut of a man that had just gotten his
way. I looked back and smiled at the girl in the ticket booth who was looking at me
with jealousy.
It was crowded; children were coming and going from all the rides in almost a
run, bumping into people on their way. I grabbed onto the back of Edward's t-shirt
so I wouldn't get lost in the crowd as we made our way towards the opposite end of
the fair where all the food trailers were located. We were trying to locate our
friends, and the first place Edward wanted to look for Emmett was the food stands.
He reached up behind him and took my hand, linking our fingers together. The
warmth of his palm against mine was causing moisture to build up, since it was
close to eighty degrees outside, but it didn't bother me.
Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and thoughts of pulling him closer and kissing
him in the middle of the fair were floating in my mind when I heard his name being
called. I turned to see a woman with a baby-belly and another child holding her hand
looking at us.
"Edward," she said again. I dropped his hand, not knowing why, uncomfortable by
the way that she was glaring at me.
He looked over at me, grimacing slightly, flexing his hand like it hurt that mine
wasn't in it anymore.
"Tanya," he replied curtly. I moved from the foot to foot, completely
uncomfortable with his tone as he greeted her.
"You look good, Edward. Who's this?" she asked, pointing in my direction. I was
sure she didn't miss the fact that I had been holding Edward's hand just moments
before.
"Tanya, this is Bella. Bella, this is my ex-wife, Tanya," Edward said. My heart
dropped into my stomach when I looked to see that the little girl holding her hand
was about seven-years-old and had brown hair, very different than her mother's
strawberry blond locks.
- 60 -
Life Starts Now
SM owns Twilight
You say you feel so down,
Every time I turn around
You say you should've
Been gone by now,
You think that everything's wrong,
Ask me how to carry on,
We'll make it through
Another day
Just hold on
Cause life starts now,
You've done all the things
That could kill you somehow
And you're so far down
But you will survive this
Somehow because
Life starts now
~Three Days Grace
EPOV
- 61 -
The feeling of her little hand wrapped in mine was too perfect. Her fingers curled
around my hand, and the tips brushed over my knuckles as we walked. Just as I ran
my thumb over the back of her hand, wanting more than anything to pull her closer,
she pulled away. The loss of contacted both pissed me off and hit my gut like a
sledgehammer. I barely noticed that someone had said my name seconds before she
pulled away because of it. I turned and met the blue eyes of my ex-wife, the last
person I wanted to see in that moment and the first person that would have been on
the list to ruin any good times that I was having.
"Tanya," I said, wishing she would disappear, since she was so fucking good at it.
It was kind of her specialty.
"You look good, Edward. Who's this?" she asked, pointing her overly manicured
finger at Bella. Her face showed everything; even after all the bullshit, she was
jealous to see me with someone else.
"Tanya, this is Bella. Bella, this is my ex-wife, Tanya," I said. I could see Bella's
face drop. I wished I would have told her before now that Tanya existed, but I
thought that she would stay in the past. I tried my hardest to never see her, and I
damn sure didn't talk about her if I didn't have to.
"How's Marcus? I see you two are still together," I said, pointing at her rather
larger stomach. She placed her hands over the baby she was carrying.
"Good, I guess. He's not home right now. He works the pipeline for Mears, so he's
in California for another month," she replied. Their daughter, Maddy, started to
head for one of the rides, pulling at her mothers hand, so she said a quick goodbye
and followed after her little girl.
"Sorry about that," I said to Bella, wanting to take her hand again but thinking
better of it. She seemed lost in thought as we made our way to the concessions area.
We grabbed a caramel apple, cotton candy, and an eclair topped elephant ear
before making our way to the picnic tables where everyone else was.
"Hey," Rose said to Bella, pulling her towards that side of the table. I sat the food
down and noticed that Emmett dug right into the elephant ear, not even asking if he
could have some. He had nachos and a Italian sub in front of him already. That was
typical of him at the fair, and he always ended up complaining about his gut aching
by the end of the day. Alice tried to stop him from eating everything laid out, but he
didn't listen. Jasper just laughed as he shoveled the custard and chocolate covered
fried dough into his mouth.
- 62 -
The conversation centered on what rides everyone wanted to get on, but I didn't
pay much attention to it. Bella had been whispering into Rose's ear the entire time,
and the look on her face broke my heart.
We spent the rest of the day riding rides, catching more of the horse show, and
watching as Kate pulled in more blue ribbons than I thought was possible. Bella
hadn't said much to me all day, so when we were making our way back to the cars, I
wasn't surprised that she wanted to ride home with Rose. Emmett hopped in the car
with me, which was surprising since he and Rose had been inseparable.
"I saw Tanya earlier," he said as soon as the car door was shut. I just groaned and
rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, me too. So did Bella, for that matter. I think she's a little pissed off about it,
actually," I said, putting the car in drive and heading towards the main road.
"Why would she be mad? You guys aren't dating; you haven't had the whole
'roster' talk yet. I mean, yeah, you have an ex-wife that you didn't mention, but it
could be worse, and it's not like she should be considered baggage since she isn't in
your life at all," he finished, not saying anything else.
I started to think more about the run in with Tanya. Bella didn't seem to be the
type to get mad over something like that, especially since it had been seven years
since we'd been together. I tried to think of what could have triggered such strong
feelings from her, but I was at a total fucking loss.
Everyone started to get ready for bed since we had an early morning. Kate would
be having her final competition, which started at eight a.m., and my mom was
insistent that Em and I were there on time.
As I passed by the guest room, I noticed that Bella was alone. Rose must have
been in Emmett's room again.
"Hey," I said, leaning on the door frame. She looked up from the book she was
reading, her glasses, ones I didn't know she wore, resting on the tip of her nose. She
quickly pulled them off her face.
"Hey," she sighed, sitting the book down next to her. To my surprise, she patted
the bed next to her, inviting me in.
"We should talk about today," I said as I took my place next to her on the bed. She
reached over and took my hand. It felt like she was trying to anchor herself in that
- 63 -
moment.
"Before we talk about anything, I have to know something. Was that little girl your
daughter?" I should have known that she'd think that, but the thought never dawned
on me. She must have been thinking I was some kind of dead-beat-dad all afternoon.
I leaned my head back and looked into her eyes, knowing that I would have to tell
the full story. A story that I wasn't completely prepared to share, but I took a deep
breath and started anyway.
I stepped off the plane to find Alice waiting for me. Jasper was still in Washington,
receiving rehab, going through the steps to come back home. I knew that Alice had
flown back the day before just to see me come home and make sure I was okay
before she was going to head back to be at her husband's side. I wanted to go with
her, but there was too much shit to take care of.
"Hey, big guy," she said, pulling me into a huge hug. She started to cry, which
wasn't like her at all. She was always the tough one, tougher than most guys I knew.
"Hey, short stuff," I replied, squeezing her a little harder with my one good arm.
The other was in a sling.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," she said as she pulled away. I just shook my head. I had
the couple of months I spent in the hospital to get used to the idea that my life
wasn't the same anymore.
"What can I do? People change, things change…I'm better off," I said. She nodded
her head and started to head towards the car. It didn't take long to cross the gates
into Camp Pendleton. I had always loved living in California, but I was ready to head
home. I was ready to try and regain a little bit of normalcy.
"So where's all my shit?" I asked, wondering if Tanya took everything when she
moved back to Michigan.
"She put it all into storage. All you have to do is let the movers know where to go
and they'll move you from there. I watched her like a hawk when she packed it all
up, so that she wouldn't take anything that she wasn't supposed to. I was actually
surprised that she came back after spending so many months at home living with
her parents."
Tanya had told me, about two months into my deployment, that she hated being
alone. She wanted to go home for a while and spend some time with her parents,
which was understandable. The two weeks that it had been planned to be turned
- 64 -
into a few months. At the end of those months, she called to ask for a divorce and
moved home for good. Not too long after that was the ambush in Al Kut that
changed everything.
"I should just burn it all. Fuck her; I don't want anything that she touched," I
replied, slumping into my seat.
I slept like shit over the few days that Alice stayed with me. I was too scared to
have dreams with her anywhere near me.
I did the paperwork required for my Medical Discharge, set up for the movers to
go get my stuff out of storage, and scheduled the flight home.
My parents flew out to see my Purple Heart pinned to my Dress Blues. Emmett
was still deployed and missed the ceremony. It was all pretty bitter sweet since I
didn't have my wife, my brother, or my two best friends since one was laid up in the
hospital and the other was gone forever.
The process of the entire transition was too much most of the time. I would wake
up most nights in a cold sweat, the dreams more memories that anything else. My
mom made me seek help for PTSD, even though I was in denial that I had that
problem. It helped to know that I wasn't alone, but it did make me feel a little crazy
sometimes.
A few months after my move, I found myself sitting in the Clare County Court
House, waiting on my soon-to-be ex-wife so that we could sign the final paper work
and make the divorce official. I hadn't laid eyes on her since I'd been home, only
communicating through our attorneys. It amazed me that the woman I had loved
since I was sixteen actually left me at the worst time of my life. After eight years,
she'd given up on me. There was part of me that thought she would have come back
after I was hurt, but that didn't happen.
I heard the door open and Tanya walked in, her lawyer in tow. What I wasn't
expecting was the belly that she was sporting. She looked to be at least six months
pregnant, if not more. I was sure that my mouth was wide open, and my lawyer
looked just as surprised.
"Did you know?" he whispered, leaning into me. I shook my head and looked down
at my hands. I could still see the faint tan line of my wedding band.
"You've seemed to have left a little bit out of your statement, Mrs. Cullen," Alec
said, looking between the two women.
- 65 -
"We didn't think that it was necessary since they were separated at the time of the
conception," her attorney answered for her.
I just shook my head again and pulled the paperwork in my direction. She didn't
want anything…no alimony, none of the property that was currently in my parents'
basement; all she wanted was out. I could give her that.
I scribbled my signature and pushed the paperwork across the table. She looked
at me with a sad expression before she signed.
"I never wanted it to be like this," she whispered. I snapped.
"Don't give me that shit! You left me while I was deployed for one of my friends.
Marcus was my boy, and what did you do? You leave after eight years to get
knocked up. How far along are you, anyway? Did you get pregnant before or after
you called me while I was in Iraq to ask for a divorce?"
I took a deep breath. "You know what? I don't want to know. I hope you're happy, I
really do. Thanks for saving me from a life that I now know I would have regretted."
I got up and left, leaving her with the end of our marriage sitting in front of her.
She had Marcus' baby a few months later.
BPOV
I didn't know what to say after he finished his story. I had heard stories about
women doing that, but to hear a real life story made my stomach turn.
"So to answer your question, no, Maddy isn't my daughter," he whispered as he
finished. It was the middle of the night; the entire house was quiet. I didn't know
how to reply. I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling in the moment, to see
him open up to me so much.
Somehow, we had ended up lying next to each other, our foreheads almost
touching.
"She made a huge mistake," I whispered back, pulling his hands up so that could
link my fingers with his. He closed his eyes and sighed. I could see the exhaustion in
his face, the torture that he'd been putting himself through all those years.
"Sometimes I think that the only mistake made was her falling for me," he said,
opening his eyes. I could see the glossiness of tears there, but none ever fell.
- 66 -
"I'm pretty sure no woman could regret falling for you, Edward," I replied quickly.
His eyes met mine, and my breath stopped. There was something in his eyes that
made me lean forward. Something in them that gave me permission to press my lips
to his.
He rolled on top of me in seconds, his hands pulling at my hair as the kiss
deepened. His soft tongue stroked mine so perfectly that I knew no one would ever
be able to top that kiss. His little whimpers as I lifted my hips into his set my core on
fire. The way he rolled his hips back into mine, moving over me with such careful
force, made my toes tingle.
I was left panting and writhing on the bed as he jumped up and pressed his back
to the door.
"We can't do this," he said, as he ran out of the room, without sparing me another
look. I was stunned and hurt by his sudden actions, so I cried myself to sleep that
night, only to wake up completely emotionally drained.
I didn't see him the next day, plans of watching Kate ride again ruined by the kiss
that I couldn't regret.
"I'm sorry, sweetie," Rose said as we drove home. I told her that she could stay
with Emmett, ride home with him when he left, but she insisted on coming with me.
"It's okay; it was a dumb thing to do, anyway. Obviously, I was reading way too far
into what was happening between us. I just wish I knew what he was thinking, if
he's okay," I replied.
We drove in silence the rest of the way. I could see Rose texting out of the corner
of my eye, the smile on her face made it clear that it was Emmett on the other end. I
was so happy that she was happy. It made me forget about my own misery for a
second.
"Done," she said after about an hour. I looked over to see her slide her phone back
into her purse.
"What's done?" I asked.
She smiled bigger. "I quit. I texted James and told him that I would be sending
someone for my belongings later today and to have a shitty, miserable life. It's not
like I'll put that place on my resume so why put in a two weeks' notice," she said
with a laugh.
- 67 -
"I'm really proud of you," I said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. She just laughed
again, looking more carefree than I had ever seen her before.
I didn't work that weekend since it was my weekend off, so there was no contact
with Edward at all. I had to be in at two o'clock on Tuesday afternoon, since Tool
was playing that night. As I drove into the parking lot, I noticed Edward was
standing against his car, looking off into the distance. When he saw my car, a small
smile graced his beautiful face. It took a little bit of the fear from my stomach.
"I want to talk to you," he said as I pulled my purse from the back seat. He looked
me up and down, licking his lips before walking towards the building. I knew that
my shirt was tighter than normal, my skirt shorter, but I wanted to feel good. I
wanted confidence to walk in and act as if I wasn't rejected so hard that I woke up
with puffy eyes and a sore throat from crying.
I followed him into the office and sat down across from him. He'd left the door
open, so I knew there wasn't going to be some silly declaration of feelings on his
part.
"I wanted to apologize for running out the other night. I hope that you'll accept it
and we can still be friends," he said, his eyes filled with the sadness that was
radiating in my heart.
"Look, Edward, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I get it, trust me, its
okay. I thought that we were in the same place. I was wrong, and I get that now. I'd
rather us just move on and forget that it happened, for my egos sake," I said with a
little laugh, trying to make the heavy conversation a little lighter.
He didn't say anything for a few minutes before he leaned forward and pulled his
hands through his messy hair.
"What I'm about to say isn't fair to you, but I want to ask you something."
I nodded my head for him to continue, even though I was scared out of my mind as
to what he was going to say.
"I have absolutely no faith in relationships, no faith in someone being trustworthy,
but with you…I want that back. All I can offer now is friendship. And I know that I
sound like a broken record, but it's the truth. That night, I kissed you back because I
wanted to kiss you. It's mutual, but I can't right now. I can't tell you to wait around
for me to be ready, but I hope that when I am, you'll be there," he said.
- 68 -
"I guess we'll see what happens then," I said, getting up and walking out. I was
trying to play aloof, but inside all I could focus on was the fact that he wanted to kiss
me. I wasn't in this completely alone.
We did the typical setup, and the crowd started to fill the bar. The band played,
people drank, and the night was going well until it wasn't anymore.
I heard Emmett yelling and saw people moving closer to the noise. As I pushed
through the crowd, I could see Edward and Jasper holding him back. On the
receiving end of the yelling was James, standing there with that sadistic smile on his
face. As soon as I was in his sights, he smiled bigger.
"Bella baby, I just wanted to stop by and give Rose's boyfriend her stuff so that
she wouldn't have to send someone to come get it." I rolled my eyes and moved
forward.
"Just leave, James. She doesn't work for you anymore, no one wants you here, and
I sure as hell never want to see you again," I said.
"Oh, don't you worry about that, I'm taking an extended vacation starting tonight.
So I guess I'll see you later, Bella," he said, dropping the bag and moving through
the crowd, heading out the front door.
"God, he's such a fucking shit starter! I swear to God I will beat his ass the next
time I see him outside of this place!" Emmett screamed, tugging out of the arms of
his brother and friend, barreling down the hall and into the office to cool down.
"You okay?" Edward asked me after everything calmed. I nodded my head and
looked around at the crowd. The music was still playing, but there was a shift in the
air. There was something about James' statements, his reason for stopping by, that
bothered me.
"When we close, make sure you come get me to walk you to your car. I'll follow
you home just to make sure," he said before walking away.
The rest of the night I had tension all throughout my back and shoulders. It was
almost closing time when my cell phone started to vibrate in my pocket. 'Dad' was lit
up in the screen. I ducked into the bathroom to take the call.
"Hello," I answered, finding it weird that he would call so late.
"Bella, honey. Where are you?"
- 69 -
"At work, what's going on, Dad?"
"I need you to come to Hurley Medical Center as soon as you can."
My heart was in my throat when I asked the next question, already knowing the
answer. "Why?"
"Bella, it's Rose. Just hurry, baby girl."
I dropped the phone and took off running out of the bathroom. I didn't say
anything to anyone as I slammed through the doors and took off running into the
parking lot.
"Bella!" Edward screamed as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I hadn't even
realized that he'd been chasing me. "Where are you going?"
"Hurley Medical, it's Rose," I said before I was sobbing.
He pulled me into his car and gunned the engine.
- 70 -
Let The Flames Begin
SM owns Twilight
What a shame we all became such fragile, broken things.
A memory remains just a tiny spark.
I give it all my oxygen,
to let the flames begin.
to let the flames begin.
Oh, glory.
Oh, glory.
This is how we'll dance when,
When they try to take us down.
This is what we'll be.
Oh, glory.
Somewhere weakness is our strength,
And I'll die searching for it.
I can't let myself regret such selfishness.
My pain and all the trouble caused,
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope
Buried beneath it all and
- 71 -
Hiding beneath it all, and
Growing beneath it all, and...
This is how we'll dance when,
When they try to take us down
This is how we'll sing it.
This is how we'll stand when
When they burn our houses down.
This is what will be.
Oh, glory.
~Paramore
BPOV
It was a blur of moments, people passing and cars pulling in and out of the
parking lot, as I walked up to the ER of the hospital. My dad was standing off to the
side of the doors in full uniform, his cell phone pressed to his ear. As soon as he saw
me, he said something to the person on the other end, slid the phone into his pocket,
pulling me into a huge hug. That just made me cry even harder, my father holding
me like a child.
"Where is she?" I asked into his shoulder once I could find my voice. I could feel
Edward behind me, but I didn't care to do the introductions that he and my father
should have had the first time that they met.
"She's in surgery, the ambulance got here about forty minutes ago, and they
started to prep her right away. She's wasn't conscious when I saw her being
loaded." His voice started to crack, making the ache in my gut worse. He pulled
back, his hands resting on my upper arms.
"I heard the address over the radio and raced to the scene. I thought it was you…I
thought you were hurt, and when I was informed that it was Rosalie and what had
happened to her, I just lost it. They had to pull me away from the scene. I don't know
all of the details, but she was attacked in the apartment. They have her in surgery to
- 72 -
check for internal bleeding. I didn't get to see her before she was taken in, but you,
me, and your mom are all listed in her emergency contacts so we should be able to
go back as soon as she's out of surgery," he said, his eyes shooting to Edward.
"Charlie Swan," he said, extending his hand out to Edward, "thanks for driving
Bella here."
He took it and gave a firm shake, nodding his head at my father.
"Edward Cullen, Sir. I was just happy she was still at work when she got the call,"
he said, explaining our connection in the simplest of terms. My father must have not
thought too much about the fact that my boss had brought me to the hospital since
he just nodded slightly.
"How long do we have to wait?" I asked, worried that she'd be in surgery for a
long time. It seemed like the longer people were in, the worse things were. I just
wanted my best friend to be okay.
"They're probably still getting ready. It's going to be a while, I think. Are you
going to be okay here? I need to swing by the department and see how things are
going. I need to see what they found at the scene," he said, checking his phone
again.
"They need to find James Cameron, Dad. He was her boss and she quit; that gave
him motivation. Plus, after she wakes up, she can tell you more, and I'm sure she got
a good look at him. I don't have any evidence that I can give you now, but he's the
only option in my mind," I told my father. He didn't have a clue what Rose had been
doing for work; she never wanted to disappoint him. I was sure this ordeal would out
her former career to everyone involved.
"Okay, I can do that. We'll get some cars out looking for him. You going to be
okay?" he asked again, his gaze flickering to Edward for a moment.
"Yeah, Edward is here with me, I'll be fine. I'm sure we'll need to call a few other
people, who will be here soon, so please, go see what's going on. Tell them about
James. We saw him earlier tonight at Edward's bar and he was talking about leaving
town, like he was in a hurry to leave. He was starting stuff with Emmett; I could tell
he was just there to ruffle feathers. Dad, I'm positive that it was him," I replied,
pulling my dad into another hug.
"Don't worry, we'll find who did this, Bella. Your mom will be here soon, and I'll
try to get back before Rosalie goes into recovery. I'll need you guys to come down
- 73 -
and give statements about this James guys at some point, too, but I'll stall that as
long as I can so you can be here for Rose," he said, pulling away after I nodded an
agreement.
He shook Edward's hand again before leaving the hospital, his phone lifted to his
ear as soon as the doors slid open.
Edward walked out into the courtyard to call everyone. I walked around the room,
unsure as to what to do with myself, content in pacing a hole into the floor. Edward
walked back in a few moments later, taking my hand to lead me to the chairs. We sat
down next to each other in silence. The only thing he'd said to me was that Emmett
would be on his way once they closed the bar. The TV was droning on with
infomercials, which just grated at my already raw nerves.
"I need a distraction," I whispered after about an hour. There hadn't been any
news from the doctors or nurses. At some point, Edward had pulled me into his side
so that my cheek rested on his bicep.
"You want me to tell you a story? Sing you a song?" he offered. In any other
situation, I might have thought he was being sarcastic, but I knew he wasn't.
"Tell me about your tattoos," I said, running my fingertips over the ink on his arm.
I looked down at his arms and took a deep breath.
"Well…I got the Jack Skellington on the inside of my bicep right after I turned
eighteen. My mother hated it, but I fell in love with the movie, and I knew that I
wanted him on my body somewhere. I think the draw to him was that he was a
dreamer, always looking for the bigger and better. But the truth is that most people
find real joy in the things that are right in front of them. It's better to live the life
you have than wish to live someone else's, you know? At least that was my optimistic
view on things when I was a kid. But after that, I had to add to it, so that's where the
sleeve came from. Zero, Stock, Lock, and Barrel, Sally, Oogie Boogie, even Santa
Clause. I just loved the theme and ran with it," he said.
I studied the art, completely integrated without any unnecessary filler like some
people's sleeves had. Every inch of his right arm was flawless. Little twinkling
Christmas lights surrounding and weaving in and out of carved pumpkins.
"What about this one?" I asked, pointing to the arm that was around my shoulders.
He shook his head slightly, opening his mouth, but then pausing. I didn't push him to
talk. I knew that was his Marine based arm, a tattoo that would be hard to talk
- 74 -
about. I waited patiently, and after a few minutes he started to talk.
"When I was shot, I was hit three times. The first to the back of my shoulder; that
bullet lodged into the muscle behind my collarbone. The second hit my humerus
bone, splitting it completely in half, and then another one to my back, which exited
just a few centimeters to the left of my heart. I had to have my arm and shoulder
pinned back together. So after I was healed, I wanted to make the outside match the
inside."
I pulled back and took his hand in mine so that I could examine his left arm. The
military print of the Marine Corps camouflage and the mechanical arm inside was so
detailed it looked like a painting, instead of tattooed ink. I wanted to see the Purple
Heart and Tyler's tattoo again, but I knew those would have to wait.
"It's like you're being pulled in two, straight down the middle. One half is all about
the optimism that you had as a young man, and the other half is about the horror
that you carry with you now. Who are you, Edward? Are you going to let the horror
override all the good things?" I asked in a whisper.
"I wish I had a good answer to that. I know who I want to be; it's the getting there
part that I struggle with," he replied.
Just then, the room filled with Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and my mother, all of whom
had looks of panic on their faces. My mother was looking at the crowd of tattooed
men like their heads were going to start spinning.
"Bella, baby, have you heard anything?" she asked in a panic.
"Where is she?" Emmett bellowed almost immediately after. He looked as if he'd
been crying, his eyes red and his face flush.
It was too much. My mom looking panicked, Emmett almost yelling at me for
answers, and on top of it all, I didn't have a clue how my best friend was or if she
would even come out of this alive. My calm demeanor disappeared in the blink of an
eye.
"Everyone needs to calm before I freak the fuck out, okay?!" I said, looking around
the group. "She's in surgery, we don't know anything yet. They found her beaten
almost to death in our apartment. My dad is at the station. I told them about James,
so let's just hope that they catch that bastard."
"Who's James?" my mother asked innocently, probably trying to avoid another
- 75 -
freak out on my part. I didn't really think it was the place or time to be discussing
Rose's bad judgment and skeletons, so I really just wanted to avoid the topic.
"I'll tell you the whole story after she wakes up, Mom. Right now I just want her to
be okay, I don't want anything else," I said, breaking into tears again. Edward pulled
me into his chest as I sobbed and sat me back down.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because I felt a big hand shake me awake.
"Bella," Emmett whispered. "We're going to go get something to eat, the cafeteria
just opened. Do you want anything?" he asked. I shook my head and realized that I
was lying on Edward's chest. We'd been sitting in a two person chair that was more
like a bench, and at some point we'd moved to an almost laying position.
"We should wake Edward and ask him," I said, my voice sounding hoarse and
feeling scratchy.
"No!" Emmett whisper yelled. I was a little taken back by his sudden
defensiveness.
"I mean, just…he's a really hard sleeper. I wouldn't mess with him too much,
okay?" he hinted. I nodded my head and wondered what the big deal was.
They all left for the cafeteria, and I settled back into my place against Edward. I
had a hard time sleeping after that. I listened to his heart beat, his breaths, and the
way he mumbled slightly every once in a while. I hadn't even noticed that my mother
was still in the room.
"He's not just your boss, is he?" she said, and even though it sounded like a
question, I knew it wasn't. I just rolled my eyes. She smirked at me and went back to
flipping through her magazine.
I made a mental note that I would need to have a sit down with my mother
sometime soon.
"Bella Swan," a man said, walking from behind the double doors. He was in light
blue scrubs and had one of those hat things on that all surgeons wore.
I jumped up, startling Edward from his sleep. His hands came out and grabbed at
my leg, squeezing hard enough to leave a bruise. He mumbled something, and I
turned to see that he wasn't fully awake. Once the sleep cleared from his eyes, he
pulled his hands back like they had caught fire.
- 76 -
"Sorry," he whispered, pushing his hands into the pockets of the hoodie he had
pulled on.
"Miss Swan?" the doctors asked again.
"Yeah, that's me," I replied, stepping forward.
"If you'll come with me, I can explain some things to you," he said, leading me into
a little room near the waiting area.
"Mom, can you come with me," I said before I rounded the corner. She jumped up
and followed us in, sitting next to me and taking my hand.
"First off, Rose came out of surgery just fine and is resting in recovery right now.
She had some pretty severe bruising across her abdomen, chest, back, and face. I
had to repair a laceration to her liver, which was the cause of the internal bleeding.
She should be able to leave in a few days as long as all her tests come back good
and she is feeling well enough to move around. It's going to be a day-to-day
situation, and we'll all know more as soon as she's awake and alert, since she'll be
on pain medication through a pump for at least the first day or so. Do you have any
questions for me?" he asked.
My mother shook her head.
"When can I see her?" I asked.
"Soon. I'll go back and check that she's recovering well, and as soon as we get her
into her room, you and her family can come up. She'll be sleepy and her throat will
hurt from being intubated during the surgery so don't be surprised if she tires out
fast," he said. I smiled that he called us her family. We were all she had in the world,
and she'd need us when it was time to wake and remember what had happened.
After losing her parents, and for many years before that, my mother and father were
hers, too. As messy as life had been, we were a family.
We both thanked the doctor and walked back into the recovery room to see that
everyone was waiting impatiently for us to come back out.
EPOV
I struggled, watching Bella walk away with the doctor. I wanted to be with her in
case there was bad news, be there if there was great news. I just wanted to be with
her. It was hard to believe that it was just hours ago that I was telling her that I
- 77 -
wasn't ready for anything more than friends. It was a joke now that I thought back
at it.
All I could think about was the fact that it could have easily been Bella. If Rose
hadn't been home, if Bella would have taken the night off, I didn't think that James
would have cared who it was either way. The thought that I could have been sitting
in that same room waiting on Bella to get out of surgery made my insides turn.
Instead, I had to sit next to my brother and watch him panic.
"Where's Bella?" Emmett asked as they walked back into the room.
"Where were you?" I asked.
"We went to get something to eat," he replied, sitting next to me.
"Bella is talking with the doctor right now," I said. They all perked up and looked
to the door that at some point Bella and her mother would be walking out of.
"I think I fucked up," I said to Emmett, just loud enough for him to hear me. He
raised an eyebrow.
"I fell asleep and woke up feeling someone on top of me. I had a little episode, not
too bad, but I grabbed onto the person near me and realized it was Bella after a
second. I'm pretty sure I bruised her," I said. Emmett just shook his head.
"I thought that you had that under control? You've been getting better, right?" he
asked.
"It's always worse when I'm stressed about something. I just don't want to hurt
her," I whispered.
"Well, I bet if you talked to her, let her know what's going on, she'd understand.
She'd probably be able to help a little. We both know that when you're getting laid
it's not as bad," he joked, punching my thigh playfully. It was just like Emmett to try
and make things better, even if he was dealing with his own pain. He was the exact
same way after Tyler's death, always worried about everyone else over himself.
After a little while, Bella and her mother walked out, followed by the doctor. She
had a smile on her face, which was a good sign.
"We'll be able to go see her soon, everything went well," she said, letting out a
huge breath. Everyone else seemed to all let out big sighs of relief.
- 78 -
"Well, Jasper and I should head home. I'm sure that they'll limit visitors, and we
don't need to be in the way. But keep us updated, and we'll be back tomorrow to
check on her," Alice said.
"Thanks," I whispered, hugging her before they left. I wasn't sure if I should have
gone or not so I waited to see if anyone needed anything first. I started to move foot
to foot, looking towards the door, unsure if I should excuse myself politely. Bella had
her parents and Emmett wouldn't want to leave until he saw Rose.
"Umm, I don't want to be in the way. I'm not actually family or anything," I said.
Bella lifted her hand to stop me from talking.
"I want you here," she said, looking down at her hands. It was like she'd said too
much. I lifted her face with my fingertips just under her chin.
"I'll stay then," I replied. She smiled slightly.
We all quietly made our way up to the ICU floor after a nurse came to tell us that
we could go up to visit. As we walked into Rose's room, I could hear the monitors
going and saw that her eyes were closed, but her chest was rising and falling.
Her face was battered, bruises covering both eyes, her nose, one of her cheeks,
and her bottom lip was split open. James had worked her over hard, and I was sure
this would just motivate Emmett even more to find him.
"Rosalie," Bella said. Rose's eyes fluttered open, and she smiled when she looked
at the group of us. Her eyes could barely open because of the swelling.
"Hey," she said, but her voice was hoarse, so it was very faint. Bella sat down at a
chair near the bed and leaned forward, kissing her hand just below her IV.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, brushing Rose's hair from her face.
"Sleepy, but okay," she replied. She looked around the room to see who else was
there.
"Mom…Emmett," she whispered. Bella's mother, Renee, walked over and kissed
Rose's forehead, whispering something in her ear that made her smile.
"Dad will be here soon," Bella said, rubbing her arm.
"Hey, Flower," Emmett said, stepping closer to the bed. Bella's mother moved
- 79 -
back so that Emmett could stand next to Rose.
"Get those lips down here," she whispered to him. He didn't hesitate to lean down
and press his lips to hers gently.
"Edward thanks for coming," she said, looking over at me. I just smiled,
uncomfortable in seeing the strong woman I knew so vulnerable.
She seemed to be in good spirits until Bella's dad walked in, followed by another
officer.
"Glad to see you awake, little girl," Charlie said to Rose as he walked in. "This is
Detective Daniels. She needs to ask you a few questions, if you're up to it?"
"Yeah, my throat is a little sore, though. Can someone get me some water or ice,
please?" she asked. Emmett practically ran from the room to get it for her.
"If everyone could give us a moment," Detective Daniels said, gesturing to the
door.
"No," Rose whisper-yelled. "I want them here. I would rather only have to explain
this once, if that's okay?"
The detective nodded and started to set up for the interview.
"Just start from the beginning. What you were doing before the attack, what
happened during, and after. Everything you can remember, okay, Rosalie?"
She nodded her head and watched as Emmett walked in with some water, and
after taking a drink she took a deep breath.
"I was watching TV in the living room, kinda half asleep. There was a little noise in
the hallway, but I thought that it was a neighbor, so I didn't think much of it. Then
there was a knock on the door. The peephole is broken so I couldn't look out it to see
who was there. I should have asked who it was, but I was half asleep, I just didn't
think about it.
"I opened the door with the chain still on, but he kicked it in, knocking me to the
floor," she said, tears starting to fall down her cheeks.
"Who kicked the door in?" the detective asked.
- 80 -
"James…James Cameron. I quit my job and he was my boss."
"Where did you work?"
She looked over at both of Bella's parents.
"Déjà Vu on Dort Highway," she whispered. I could hear Bella's mother gasp
slightly, but when I looked over, her face was stone…no expression.
"Go on," the detective directed.
"After the door was kicked in, it was kind of a jumble of stuff. He was yelling,
telling me that I was dumb for leaving him, that I was messing with his business,
with his money. He just kept kicking me, and then he was on top of me, his hands
around my throat," she said, sobbing slightly at the memory.
"I thought he was going to kill me. I must have passed out because the next thing I
remember was being woken up after the surgery."
She must have been tired because her eyes closed and she stopped talking.
"I'm going to let you rest, if you remember anything, let me know. I think we have
enough to get a warrant, and I hope to have this guy in custody by the morning," she
said, grabbing her paperwork and saying goodbye.
"You guys should go get some rest," Rose said, looking at everyone that was
standing around her.
When no one moved, she rolled her eyes. "I'm going to sleep; you should all do the
same."
Bella's parents were the first to say goodbye, promising to be back. Emmett
refused to leave, saying that a hospital cot would be fine. Rose didn't argue too
much so I was sure she didn't mind that he didn't want to leave.
"I love you," Bella whispered to Rose when she hugged her.
She was reluctant to leave, but I had finally gotten her out of the room.
"Do you want me to drop you off, or do you want to go back to the bar for your
car?" I asked as we got into my car. I had no intention of just leaving her there alone
for the night, but I wanted to give her a choice. Whether it was following her home
- 81 -
or bringing her there, I'd be staying with her.
"Umm…actually, I was thinking that maybe I could crash on your couch or
something. I don't want to go back to the apartment yet. I'm not even sure I can,
since it's a crime scene. It's just too much, and I would be too scared there alone,
anyway. If it's an issue, I can go to my parents' house," she said, playing with her
fingernails.
"No, that's fine. I have a guest bedroom, so you'll have a bed. Do you want to go
see if you can get some stuff? I have an extra toothbrush and some big t-shirts that
you could sleep in," I offered.
"That sounds good, I just want to sleep," she whispered.
We headed into the Flint suburb of Burton. I bought a home in Meadowcroft
Estates, which was a middle-class family neighborhood. Emmett had laughed about
it, but I didn't have to worry as much about theft or vandals, like he did living closer
to the city.
"You live here?" she asked as we pulling into my driveway. I nodded my head as I
looked up at my house. It was a three bedroom, two bathroom, two-story home with
a big backyard and two-car garage. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was far too big
for just me.
"It's really nice," she said as we got out of the car. I thanked her and ushered her
inside.
I gave her a little tour of the house and showed her to the guest bedroom, across
the hall from my own. I left for a moment to grab her some things, and when I went
back into the room, she was asleep on top the bed.
"Bella," I whispered, shaking her shoulder. "Here's some clothes and stuff. After
we get up I'll cook something for dinner," I said. She nodded and started to get up to
change her clothes.
I walked out of the room quickly, unsure if she'd strip down with me there in a
sleep induced slip of modesty.
It didn't take long to fall asleep, exhaustion setting in fast. There was a moment
when I felt the bed shift slightly, my skin felt warmer, but I brushed it off and fell
into a deeper sleep.
- 82 -
Fallin' Faster
SM owns Twilight
I've never said these words before
You're the one that I adore
My angel in disguise
Heaven sent you here to me
I know that baby we could be something perfect
Believe me
This could be our chance
Believe me
Cause it's you I want and it's you I've gotta have
Please let me keep on falling
I'm falling faster everyday for you
Please let me keep on falling
Cause I know you'll catch me when I do
I need someone
Someone to hold on to
And if I'm gonna fall in love
I wanna fall in love with you
~Burn Halo
- 83 -
BPOV
I couldn't sleep. The images of all the things that James had done to Rose were
filling my thoughts. My imagination started to get the best of me and I opened my
eyes, only to picture James standing over me. A gasp ripped through my throat, and
I backed up until my skull slammed into the headboard. I blinked my eyes a few
times, and when the fogginess of sleep cleared, I was alone.
I knew that there was no way I would be able to sleep alone, and the idea of not
sleeping wasn't at all possible, so I snuck into Edward's bedroom. I figured I could
blame it on an exhaustion induced stupor, made worse by a bad dream and the
shadows from the trees outside the guest room window.
Even in the dark, I could see that everything in his room was earthy tones. The
bed was huge and in the middle of the room, taking up most of the moderately sized
bedroom. Under the deep mocha comforter, I could see Edward's body. The slow
rise and fall of his chest called to me…lured me to him. As I climbed into the bed, I
wrapped my arm across his side, placing my hand directly over his heart. His broad
back warmed the front of my body; the movement of his breaths lulled me to sleep.
I didn't wake until hours later. Edward's chest was rapidly moving and his muscles
were so tense I was sure he would be sore when he woke up. I tried to move away,
but his arm was overtop mine, holding it in place.
He started to turn towards me, so I tried to roll away. It didn't work because as
soon as he felt the movement, he pressed all his body weight on top of me. My face
was pressed into his chest and I couldn't breathe. I could feel the vibrations of his
voice, but I could hardly make out what he was saying. The only words I could
decipher were, "no" and, "down."
I thought he would roll back over, but he wasn't budging. My chest started to burn
when I couldn't get a full breath. I was suffocating, and I couldn't do anything about
it. I tried to press on his chest, tried to wiggle out from beneath him, even tried to
kick my legs out from under him, but nothing worked. I could feel the tears soak into
his shirt, and I took the final bit of air I had in my lungs to scream. It hurt my throat
and took everything out of me. I started to get dizzy, but then the weight lifted.
"Oh my God," Edward yelled, jumping back so that he was sitting on his knees at
the foot of the bed. He covered his face with his hands.
"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" he asked as he moved forward again.
- 84 -
"I'm okay. Are you?" I asked. His eyes were glossy and red, his chest was still
moving too quickly, and I was worried that he'd hyperventilate.
"No. No, I'm not fucking okay. See, this is why I didn't want to start anything with
you. This is why I live alone and why I've been alone all this time. I could have really
fucking hurt you," he screamed.
I pressed my back into the headboard, suddenly afraid for him. It was a side of
him I'd never seen before.
Without a word, he got off the bed and walked out of the room. I waited for a
while, but when he didn't come back, I followed after him. I found him sitting at the
breakfast bar in the kitchen drinking dark liquor from a short tumbler glass.
He didn't notice me in the doorway, so I stood for a while, watching him. He drank
the liquor fast, refilling it many times. Between gulps, he'd run his fingers through
his hair and cussed under his breath. There was such sadness and anger in his
demeanor. It was heartbreaking to see.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, startling him. He whipped his head around, causing him
to spill the drink all over the countertop.
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked as he pulled out some paper towels. I
watched as he cleaned up, his body swaying slightly. It made me wonder how much
he had drank before I decided to find him.
"I just feel bad. I shouldn't have climbed into bed like that. I should have woke you
up, let you know I was there," I replied.
He shook his head, throwing the drenched towels into the trash can. "Why did you
come in, anyway?" he asked, sounding slightly worried. He was full of questions, just
as I was, only he was actually voicing them.
"I had a bad dream and didn't want to be alone. I should have known better,
though."
"Yeah, well…I know a lot about bad dreams," was his reply. We stood in silence.
Neither of us moved; we didn't make eye contact…I barely breathed.
"What was your dream about?" he asked, breaking me from the staring contest I
was having with the kitchen floor.
- 85 -
"Rose," I whispered. He nodded his head knowingly.
"What about you?" I countered, finally making eye contact with him again. His
green eyes were glossy and red. I wanted to pull him into a hug, hold him, and make
it all go away. I just didn't know how.
"Tyler," he finally replied.
"Tell me more…please. Are they always the same?"
I knew he still struggled with his PTSD. I knew that no matter what he said about
getting help for it after he'd returned home, it was there, slowly killing him inside.
"It's always the same…" he said, trailing off. I waited patiently, hoping that he'd
continue. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long.
"I pulled Jasper out. After he got shot, I was the one to get to him. I pulled him
behind a building and made sure he was okay before I went looking for everyone
else. He begged me not to go back out, but I knew that there were more of my men
out in the open for the snipers to attempt to pick off.
"When I rounded the corner a few buildings down, I saw Tyler lying out in the
street. He wasn't moving, but I didn't think about it, I just acted. As soon as I was
next to him, I felt the bullet rip through me. Even though I was in pain and almost
delirious, I could see that he was already dead. His eyes were closed and his chest
didn't move. I told Tyler that I would be right behind him, but then Jasper got hit
and I didn't follow. I should have been his cover. I should have been protecting him.
"After the third hit, I blacked out. The sniper was using armor piercing rounds so
we didn't have a chance. We had to fight playing by the rules of war, the enemy
didn't. I woke up two days later in Germany. Jasper was there, in the next bed. Tyler
wasn't anywhere to be seen."
I sat down next to where he'd been, taking in everything he'd said. I was trying to
make sense of it all.
"If Tyler had seen you or Jasper shot, would he have done the same thing?" I
asked.
Edward's expression was one of confusion and realization. He sat down next to
me, running his hands over his face.
- 86 -
"He would have done the same thing," Edward whispered. I started to rub his
back and the tears started to fall. It was so jarring to see such a big guy, someone
covered in tattoos, crying, but I was happy that he was opening up.
He turned and pulled me towards him, hugging me close to his chest. I relaxed
into the hug, loving the closeness. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed
back. We stayed like that for a while, hugging in silence.
He pulled back, resting his forehead to mine. "Thanks," he whispered.
I just smiled at him and closed my eyes. The next moment I felt the ghost of his
lips against mine. It was so soft, so light, that I wasn't sure if I had made it up in my
head. So I didn't open my eyes, wanting to keep it as real as possible. Edward's
voice broke through the moment, solidifying that he was real and in front of me.
"I just don't want to hurt you."
A smile pulled across my face because it felt like a start.
"You won't. I trust you."
We went back to sleep after a while, in his bed, me in his arms. I had turned to go
into the guest bedroom, but his hand shot out to stop me. I was surprised, but after
everything that was said, maybe he didn't want to be alone either. I was happy to
follow and fell asleep quickly wrapped in his arms, the thumping of his heart under
my ear.
There wasn't another episode that night, and when the light from the window
woke me, I was alone in bed. I rolled over and could smell Edward all over the
sheets. In the light of day, I noticed that there were a lot of pictures on top of a tall
dresser. Most of them of his family, but a few were of him and people I didn't know,
all in uniform.
I crawled out of bed and walked over, picking up the closest one. Jasper and
Edward were smiling widely with another guy I didn't know. It had to be Tyler,
based off the last name across the chest of the uniform. His brown eyes twinkled
with happiness, and I wondered how long the picture was taken before he died.
"You would have liked him better than me," Edward said from the doorway,
causing me to jump and fumble with the picture as I sat it back down.
"I wasn't trying to snoop," I said, feeling bad that I was caught looking around his
- 87 -
room. "And I don't believe that for a second."
"It's okay, they're on display so I can't really blame you," he replied, taking a sip of
his coffee. I knew I needed to get to the hospital so I couldn't ask more about Tyler,
knowing that was a conversation that I didn't want to have to cut short.
"I'm going to head to my parents' house. I have clothes there and I want to be at
the hospital. Can you give me a ride?" I asked. He nodded his head and walked away
so that I could pull back on the clothes I was wearing the day before. It was then I
realized that I was in nothing but his t-shirt and my underwear. It didn't dawn on me
that I was wearing the same thing during our middle of the night conversation until
then either.
I hurried to get dressed and followed Edward out to his car, eating the muffin that
he insisted I eat before we left. Food was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to
get to Rose.
Right before we pulled out of the driveway, the police station called to notify me
that I needed to be at the station at eight o'clock the next morning to give my
statement. Edward asked me to find out if he could go with me at the same time,
since he had to give a statement also. The officer agreed to it, which made me feel
relieved that I wouldn't have to go alone.
When Edward pulled into the parking lot of The Machine Shop, where my car had
stayed overnight, I was nervous to part ways. I felt like we had made so much
progress in just a single night that it would all vanish when he wasn't in my sight.
"Thanks…for everything, Edward," I said before stepping out of the car.
"Anytime, Bella."
He walked around the car and followed me to mine, opening the driver's side door
after I unlocked it.
"Tell Rose I said hi and that I'll stop up to see her soon," he said, leaning into the
door when I sat down. There was a look on his face that said he wanted to do or say
more than he was.
"I will. Thanks again, Edward," I said, grabbing the door to close it. He pulled the
door back toward him, stopping my actions. He crouched down so that we were face
to face.
- 88 -
"There's something about you that makes me want to be better, and that scares
the shit out of me," he whispered, leaning in a little.
"I would be lying if I said that you didn't scare me a little, too," I replied, leaning
towards him.
He licked his lips and my eyes darted between them and his deep green eyes.
"What are you waiting for?" I asked in a hushed voice.
He smirked a little and leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. It wasn't
something hot and heavy. But it was soft, sweet, and filled with promise. I drove
away with a huge grin on my face, one that didn't go away while I was showering or
getting dressed. It didn't even disappear after my mother asked about my mood,
surprised to see me smiling at all. It wasn't until I was pulling into the hospital
parking lot that the smile turned into a grimace.
As the elevator ascended to the ICU, my stomach was in knots. By the time I
walked into her room, I felt like I could have easily vomited.
"Rose," I whispered, not sure if she was sleeping or not. Her eyes opened and she
smiled, but it faded quickly. She burst into tears, and I ran to her side.
"What's wrong?" I asked, holding her hand and running my fingers of the other
through her hair. She just shook her head and continued to cry.
"Talk to me," I pleaded.
"This morning the doctor came in, and he said that they did a rape kit before my
surgery," she whispered. She didn't need to say anything more, I knew what that
meant. Her reaction was confirmation enough.
"Oh, honey," I sighed, pulling her closer. She cried a little longer and I just held
her. I had a terrible feeling that James wouldn't have stopped at just beating her, he
needed to humiliate her, too.
"I'm just happy I don't remember," she said after pulling back to look in my eyes.
Her beautiful face was so bruised that I wanted to cry even harder. I just nodded in
agreement.
"Where's Emmett?" I asked, unsure if he stayed last night or decided to go home.
- 89 -
"He's getting something to eat downstairs," she replied, a slight smile graced her
cut lips.
"I'm glad that he's been here for you," I said, resting my head against the bedrail.
"Me, too. He wasn't in here when they told me about everything. He saw how
upset I was after, and I talked with him about it. He isn't handling it very well."
I started to worry about where Emmett was and if he'd called Edward yet. I knew
that eventually Emmett would confide in Edward about any fears involving this
situation, I just wasn't sure how much Rose would want him to tell.
"You're okay with Emmett knowing?" I asked.
"Of course I am. I just want the cops to find James. I want to get him locked up
and be done with this. My mindset is that if I'm not aware of it happening, it
didn't…end of story. That's the only way that I'll stay sane."
I could see the frustration on her face. It was just like Rose to look at a situation
like this as fixable. It was how she got through her parents' deaths. I was just
worried at her level of denial.
"Have you told Emmett everything?" I asked, referring to her mom and dad.
Before she could answer the man himself walked into the room, a giant bouquet of
flowers in his hand.
"Hey, baby," he greeted Rose, leaning down to kiss her forehead. She smiled up at
him and pulled the flowers to her nose to smell them. I wasn't sure if she could or
not since her nose was rather swollen.
"They're beautiful, thanks," she replied. It was a very sweet, intimate moment that
I was glad I could see. Rose was going to need someone like Emmett in her corner.
"I should let you get some sleep and I'm like the walking dead right now. Edward
said he'll stop to see you later," I said, getting up to leave.
"Emmett, can you give us a second?" Rose asked, stopping me. He nodded his
head and left the room without a word.
"What's up with you and Edward?" she asked right away.
"I don't know. Something is happening; I just don't know what yet," I replied. She
- 90 -
smiled and patted my hand.
"Sounds promising," she said.
"Yeah, well, it's up to him at this point," I groaned.
"Maybe a little birdie should be chirping in his ear," she said with a wicked smile.
I knew no matter what I said to her, she wouldn't stay out of it. Instead, I kissed
her forehead and promised to come back the next day, desperately needing to catch
up on some sleep. Plus, no matter how sleep deprived I was, I had to work the next
night and go give a statement in the morning about James.
As I curled up in my childhood bed, I thought about Edward's dreams, Rose's
attack, and her parents' deaths. I needed to start counting my blessings.
EPOV
As I drove away, I wished that I could have gone with Bella, but I knew she'd need
some time alone with Rose. When I was almost home, I pulled my phone out,
wanting to check on Emmett. I would have thought that he would have stayed with
Rose, but I wasn't sure.
"Hey, bro," Emmett answered. He sounded tired, and I could hear the hospital
noises in the background.
"Hey, I just wanted to check on you," I replied, pulling into my driveway.
"Everything's okay. I'm just getting something to eat and giving Rose a little time
to sleep. I still can't believe how fucking strong she is. After everything she's been
through, she's not letting it eat her alive. Either that or she's hiding the pain from
me," he said. I could hear him munching on something in the background, so I would
have been surprised if he raided a vending machine.
"She's probably still in a little bit of shock." I was worried slightly that Rose might
internalize too much and end up as fucked up as me. "Has the police station called
you yet?" I asked, plopping down on the couch, completely exhausted.
"Yeah, they told me to come in at eight tomorrow with you and Bella. They didn't
need Jasper and Alice since they weren't really that involved with the situation, so it
will be just the three of us."
- 91 -
"Well, I'm going to stop by later and Bella is on her way now. Is there anything
that you need before I come?" I asked.
"No, I think we're fine. I know I'm going to need a shower at some point, but I
think that Bella will be around for a while so I'll go then," he said.
We hung up and I fell asleep before I even realized my eyes were closed. When I
woke up later that night, the sun was almost set, so I hurried into shower and
headed to the hospital. When I walked into the room, I found Emmett sitting in the
chair near the head of Rose's bed and she was sleeping.
"Hey," I whispered. He got up and we walked out of the room together.
"Do you mind if I run home real quick? Bella was here earlier, but I didn't get a
chance to go because Bella was tired and didn't stay long," he said as we walked
down the sterile white halls.
"Yeah, I'll stay with her," I replied, looking around to see if Bella might magically
appear. I didn't mind staying with Rose, but I was worried she'd wake up and freak
out to be alone with me, or any man for that matter.
"Thanks, I just don't want to leave her alone," he said, patting my back and
heading to the elevator.
I walked back into the room to find a still sleeping Rose. I sat down where Emmett
was and watched the infomercial that was playing on the TV.
"Where's Emmett?" Rose asked, pulling my attention from an Ahh Bra commercial.
"He went home to shower. Should be back soon," I said, sitting up a little
straighter.
We sat in uncomfortable silence for a little while. I cleared my throat a few times,
but I wasn't sure what to say. I was pretty sure that my brother loved the girl, so I
felt an unexplained need to protect her.
"Look, I just wanted to say that I know how something like this can affect a
person. Make sure that you don't let this eat you from the inside out," I whispered.
She laughed slightly. "You should listen to yourself sometimes, Edward. If I have
to be more than this, so do you. You can't live in the past anymore. And I know for
damn sure I'm not going to sit around and watch you hurt my best friend. Take a
- 92 -
lesson from yourself, buddy."
I shook my head and smiled.
"You know, you're kind of amazing. Handling this like you are and still able to
threaten me with a smile on your face," I replied.
"Well, if I let every bad thing in my life break me, I would have been dead a long
time ago. I let my life get out of control after my parents died. That's how I got here.
Never again will I let this happen to me. I don't want to be a victim or a statistic
anymore." Her eyes were still heavy from the pain medication, but there was some
underlying strength that broke through the haze. I could see why Bella loved her so
much, even through all her horrible life choices.
"How did your parents die, if you don't mind telling me, of course?" I asked. I
knew I could have been stepping over some boundaries, but it was something I was
always curious about.
She took a deep breath and looked at me with tears in her eyes. "They were so
great together when it when it was good, but that didn't last very long. Mine and
Bella's parents were friends since childhood, but that all changed when we were in
middle school. My mother developed a drug habit and with Charlie in law
enforcement, there was a strain on the friendship. Charlie and my dad talked all the
time, but Renee and my mother didn't see each other at all. My mom was back and
forth, in and out of rehab, and that wasn't something they wanted in their lives when
they realized how deep she was. My dad spent every dime he had on her treatment,
only to have her relapse again.
"I came home from work one night, after waiting tables for eight hours straight, to
find my dad, Charlie, Renee, and Bella all crying in the living room. My mom OD'd
and my father had to go ID the body. She was found in her car down by the Flint
River." She paused and dried the tears that had fallen from her eyes.
"A few months later I found a note from my dad, saying that he was going to my
mom. I called Charlie and they found my dad at the cemetery with a few empty pill
bottles on the seat next to him," she finished.
I sat there in awe of the woman in front of me. Not only did she lose her mom to
addiction, but then her father to suicide. I leaned forward and hugged her, hoping
that a little of her strength would rub off on me.
"Thank you for sharing that with me," I whispered into her hair.
- 93 -
"You're welcome. Now you need to open up to someone new, too," she replied. I
could feel her smile.
"Get your hands off my woman, you have your own," Emmett said walking into the
room. Rose and I separated quickly and laughed.
I didn't linger around them for long.
Sleep evaded me that night because I was thinking about what Rose had said.
Bella scared me, the idea of hurting her or letting her close was terrifying. But if I
didn't take a chance, I would always be in a stand still. So when I pulled up to the
police station the next morning, the first person I looked for was Bella, and when I
saw her I knew that I had to try.
"Hey," I said, walking up to her. She was standing at the entrance, obviously
waiting to go in with either me or Emmett.
"Ready for this?" she asked, turning towards the door. I nodded my head and
followed her inside. Not long after, Emmett came in and we were taken one by one
into an interrogation room. We all gave statements about that night, and the police
officer told us that they were actively searching for James.
As we walked out of the building, Bella started to walk towards her car at the
other end of the lot. I followed her, and as she neared the car I pressed into her,
turning her to face me.
"If there's ever a moment where you think it's too much, you have to tell me," I
whispered, my lips ghosting over hers as I talked. She smiled brightly, the smile of a
victor.
"I promise, but I'm not worried," she replied, pressing her lips to mine. The kiss
was cut short by a blaring horn. I saw Emmett laughing as he pulled out of the
parking lot. I noticed that there were people milling around the area, and I didn't
think it was the right place to really kiss Bella.
"So, I'll see you tonight at work," Bella said, her eyes still on my lips.
"Yeah, I'll see you later," I said, pulling away.
It was one of those moments where I didn't want to say goodbye, but I knew that it
wouldn't be permanent. The idea of tomorrow didn't seem so shitty all of a sudden.
- 94 -
Future in the End
SM owns Twilight
You're falling asleep
I can feel you dreaming
Are you thinking of me
Are you feeling the love?
I'm caught in between
The way it is, how it could be
I'll never believe
You wanted me to go
So sleep love
Just dream love
And don't let it go
Just promise you won't
And I'll be home
~Evans Blue
BPOV
There was a slow, aching burn in my gut every time I was around Edward.
Between work and Rose, we didn't have much time to spend together, but the stolen
moments were perfection. Pressed against the door of the office, in one of the
closets of the hospital, and a few high school-style make out moments in his car
were all we had. For some reason we never went to each other's homes, despite the
fact that I had tried to invite myself over many times. I didn't know if it was to keep
- 95 -
us from going too far, too fast, or the simple fact that it was just never really an
option. My lack of sleep was already almost crippling and he was trying to be helpful
in not pushing to come over to my place. I wasn't there very often anyway, but I
really did want to be pushed.
I pulled up in front of the hospital and grabbed the reusable shopping bags that
were in the back seat. Rose was being released and I was the lucky one to bring her
home, finally getting a few moments with her without anyone else around. As I
walked into the room, I was met with a smiling, happy Rose.
"I'm so excited to get out of here," she said with a sigh as she pulled me into a
hug. She'd been in the hospital for over two weeks, since her liver had to be
repaired, but she took longer to heal than they expected. They were worried that it
wasn't repaired completely or that they missed bleeding in another area, but when it
was all said and done, she just wasn't ready to leave after the first week. The stress
of having her attacker still out there didn't help her recovery, to say the least. There
were many nights she'd cry in her sleep when she didn't think anyone could hear
her.
"I'm excited to get you home," I replied, squeezing her tighter. I hated having to
leave her at the hospital, even though most nights I slept on the reclining chair next
to her bed. It may have seemed dependent for a friend to stay the way that I did, but
our relationship was anything but normal. She was like the other half of me and I
didn't know where I would be without her.
We got all of her flowers, cards, and balloons together. There were a lot from
some of the women she worked with. I only hoped that her situation and the fact
that the club was closed down would be a push in the right direction for all of them.
When the owner was a felon, running from the police, it was hard to keep the
business going.
The nurses on shift all hugged Rose goodbye after giving her the discharge papers
and instructions. They'd started to fall in love with my free-spirited friend. It was
amazing how just a couple weeks with Rose could change a person; her personality
and fight were so infectious.
Rose was still tender, so I took turns a little slower but the speed bumps in our
apartment's parking lot were almost torture for her. As we opened the front door,
Rose's smile beamed at the people waiting.
"Rosie," my dad greeted, scooping her into a light hug, as if he was afraid to break
her. My parents had insisted on grabbing some groceries and cooking a welcome
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home dinner for Rose. Plus, my father added an extra bolt lock on the door and
reinforced locks on all the windows. I wasn't sure if the complex owner would allow
it, but my father waved his badge and got his way. Until James was caught, my dad
didn't want to take any chances.
"Hey," Rose said into his shoulder. My mom walked over and wrapped them both
in a hug.
"Okay, well, why don't you go lay down for a little while. I know you have to be
tired since they never let you sleep for more than a few hours at a time in hospitals.
You're bedding is all freshly washed and turned down for you," my mom said to
Rose, pointing her in the direction of her room.
I watched has my mom tucked Rose in, just like when we were kids, and shut the
door to only a crack. It would be hard for them to leave us here alone, I was sure of
it.
"I'm making pot roast and vegetables. It will be done in an hour or so. It should
give her some time to readjust." My mom sat down on the couch and patted the
space next to her. I cuddled into her side as she ran her fingers through my hair. My
dad was sitting at the kitchen table flipping through the newspaper, sitting on the
sidelines but never missing what was happening.
"How is she really doing?" she asked.
"I think she's scared of everything right now. With James out there, no job, and a
new relationship, I'm worried that she'll get overwhelmed and go back to drinking or
drugs. I really don't want her to feel like I'm babysitting, but there's just no way that
I'll let her be alone for a while," I replied, curling further into my mother's side.
"I don't think that will be a problem. Emmett called here about fifteen times while
you were gone. I'm surprised that he's not here now."
As if on cue there was a loud, booming knock on the front door. My dad palmed
the .45 on his hip and slowly opened the door, chain still connected from the frame
to the door.
"Hey, Charlie," I heard Emmett say. My dad dropped his hand from his hip and
pulled the lock, letting the big guy in. He was followed closely by Alice, Jasper, and
Edward. I could feel my face flush when he looked at me, his eyes sparkling in the
dim light of the couch side lamp. I paid no attention to anyone else as I jumped up
from the space next to my mom.
- 97 -
"Hey, baby," he said, wrapping me in his arms. I didn't realize until that moment
how much I needed him to just hold me…comfort me.
"Hey." I sighed, tucking my face into his neck. His smell was heady and rustic, like
pine and wild flowers, but completely manly despite the floral scent. It was just
simply Edward, almost a contradiction. Much like the tough tattoos and soft eyes of
the man himself.
I pulled his face to mine and placed the lightest of kisses there, the presence of
my father keeping things very chaste.
"I missed you," he whispered against my lips.
"You just saw me yesterday," I said with a laugh, placing my hand over his heart,
loving the rhythm against my palm.
"Yeah, but you've been far away for awhile," he said. I knew that I'd been
distracted, but with Rose home now it was time to get back to life.
"I'm here now," I replied, pulling away when my father cleared his throat. I spun
around and blushed slightly as he shook his head and walked away, sitting back
down and hiding his face in the paper. Rose was in bed still and Emmett had found
his way into the room, curled around her, holding on for dear life as she spoke to
him softly.
After an hour or so, Rose and Emmett ventured out of the bedroom and we all sat
down for dinner. The atmosphere was amazing…warm, happy…something our
apartment hadn't been in a long time. There was so much laughter and smiles,
despite the sad situation we were all trying to heal from.
My parents seemed to really like the new family of friends that Rose and I had
made. My father had even made plans to go to the firing range with all the guys. I
was a little nervous about my dad and Edward in the same room with loaded guns,
but he didn't seem to be, squeezing my hand under the table.
It didn't take long for everyone to filter out. My parents were tired from the long
day and ready for bed. It took ten minutes to convince my father that sleeping on the
couch wasn't necessary since Emmett had no intentions of leaving. Alice and Jasper
left shortly after, since Alice wasn't feeling well.
Rose took a shower with Emmett lingering closely outside the door. It seemed like
he didn't want to be but a few steps away from her at all times. I was actually
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surprised when he agreed to let me pick her up from the hospital. He knew we'd
both need a second together, even if it was just a car ride.
The door opened, steam rising out of the room and across the hallway ceiling.
Emmett immediately wrapped a towel clad Rose in his arms, careful of how he held
her, and carried her into her bedroom, kissing every inch of her face along the way.
He was whispering I love you; I could see his lips and read the words. I didn't realize
that they'd moved into that level, but a near death experience could do that to
people - make them see what's in front of them, make them desperate to never lose
it.
The door swiftly closed behind them and I could hear Rose laugh, a sound I hadn't
heard often. I worried for a moment that she'd fall into bed with him too soon after
everything happened, but I pushed that fear far away. Emmett knew how
emotionally fragile she was, and he was too good of a guy to make things worse. I
couldn't have picked a better guy for her.
"What's going on in there?" Edward asked, running a finger down the center of my
forehead. Lines had formed there from thinking too hard, about too much.
"Just worried is all," I replied and started to tug on his hand, leading him into my
bedroom. A sly smile appeared on his face as he followed me in, kicking the door
closed with his foot. In just a few strides, he had my back against the bed and his
hands in my hair.
Kissing him, feeling his body pressed into mine, was something words couldn't
adequately describe. The broad span of his shoulders made me feel tiny beneath
him. His large hands gripping at me, running the length of my side, making me feel
cherished and fragile. His mouth moved slowly, his tongue searching and soft, but
so fucking passionate it took my breath away.
"Yes," I hissed as his mouth moved over my cheek, down my jaw, and across my
neck. He moved so slowly, taking his time kissing, licking, and sucking. I was lost
him, unwilling to let it end, to let him go…so I gripped onto him harder.
"Stay with me," I whispered, pulling him closer, wrapping my legs around his
waist, tilting my hips up into his. His movement stilled immediately.
EPOV
"I don't know, Bella," I said, whispering against the space between her shoulder
and neck. Her skin smelled like a field of flowers; it was so fucking soft. I just
- 99 -
wanted to keep kissing her, touching her, without worrying about the staying part.
The sleeping part, which I was sure she was hinting at.
"Edward," she said softly with a sigh, pulling my face up to hers. Our noses
touched as her lips pressed to mine slightly. "Don't be scared, I'm not. Please, just
try."
Her unwavering confidence in me stopped all thoughts and instead, I just kissed
to shit out of her. I moved my hands down her body, pulling clothes away as I went,
and kissed every inch I could see. She pulled my shirt off at some point, digging her
nails down my back when I pressed my hard dick into her barely covered center.
By the time I reached the satin that covered her I couldn't take the wait, so I slid
them down her legs. She was panting and shaking, so fucking close to release. I
didn't plan to go that far, have her completely naked under me while I was still half
dressed, but it was happening and I wasn't going to stop it.
"Shh," I whispered, throwing my hand over her mouth. Emmett and Rose were
next door, barely twenty feet away and Bella was starting to get loud. She took the
opportunity to moan loudly into my palm as I sank two fingers into her.
As I worked her over, she dug her teeth into my skin which caused me to thrust
faster. Ever so slowly, I pulled my hand away and bent forward, placing a light kiss
just above her clit. She had the lightest dusting of hair framing the perfection of her
pussy.
"Mmmm," Bella hummed, her voice quivering as I licked her, replacing my fingers
with my mouth. She pulled me closer, twisting her fingers into my hair, controlling
my movement. It didn't take long for her to come, shaking and moaning into her own
hands.
I crawled up her body, kissing everything on my way. The dip of her hip, the small
indent of her bellybutton, her pebbled, dark pink nipples. Her tits filled my hands,
soft yet firm, just enough without being too much. And as much as most men were
boob men or leg men, when I reached her face and looked into her deep brown eyes,
I knew my weakness.
"Wow," she said, laughing at herself immediately. "That was just…mmm. I can't
even find words."
I kissed her so that she wouldn't have to think too hard. I pulled her into my side
after ridding myself of my jeans. She curled into the curve of my chest and started to
- 100 -
run her hand down my stomach, heading for the waistline of my boxer-briefs.
"No, I'm fine, really. I just want to lay here with you," I said. I knew that if she
touched me in any way or if my clothes came completely off, I'd be inside her in
seconds. That couldn't happen tonight, it wasn't time for that step. There were a few
more things that needed to be said, that needed to be done first before we took it
that far.
She slept in my arms that night, content and sated. As the pull of sleep finally took
a hold of me, I prayed that I wouldn't dream, wouldn't even realize that I was
sleeping.
~~TMS~~
A few days and one more sleep over later, I found myself holding a gun and
standing next to Bella's father. It wasn't a situation that most boyfriends liked, but I
needed to bond with her father and this was his way of doing that. It was still weird
to think of myself as someone's boyfriend, but that was what I was. And she was
mine, my girl, my life, my everything. All that I needed to do was find the courage to
tell her everything, open myself up completely.
Our last sleepover was PG compared to the one before it, since we had to spend
the night with Rose. She woke up from a nap covered in a cold sweat, freaking out
that James was in the apartment. Emmett had run to the store to get a few things
and beat himself up for not being with her when she woke up. He blamed himself for
almost everything, just adding that to the list. So, most of the night was spent trying
to calm her down and reassure her that everything was okay. I knew the only way
she'd feel better was if the fucking sicko was behind bars or dead. The latter being
the option I was more in favor of.
"You ever shoot a hand gun before?" Charlie asked as he aimed at the sheet of
paper about a hundred yards away. Every shot hit in the smallest circles, kill shots
for sure.
"Yeah, the Navy Corpsman carried them so when it was convenient I would shot
one of those, but I preferred my M16, to be honest," I answered when he finished
emptying his clip into the paper man.
Jasper and Emmett were looking on in fear, both their expressions clear as day.
Good thing I'm not dating his daughter. I was half tempted to remind Emmett just
how much of a daughter Rose was to Charlie and to get the fucking look off his face,
but I held my tongue. He must have realized it at the same time because he wiped
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the grin off his face pretty quick.
We all took turns shooting, Jasper bowing out of participating, and the owner of
the range brought me out a Smith and Weston M&P 15, which was as close to my
M16 as I could legally get. It was like having my girl back. I loved the feel of the
metal in my hands, the click of the trigger, the slight kickback of the butt of the gun.
I was in my own little world and barely noticed that Jasper was hardly holding it
together, sitting on a bench, away from the action.
"We should go grab a bite to eat," I said, pulling the ear plugs out and dropping
the empty clip from the gun. Jasper was the first out the door, the fresh air and quiet
calming him noticeably.
"I have a question for you," Emmett said to Charlie after our burgers and wings
came. We decided to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings since I needed a drink and Jasper
needed the distraction.
"Okay," Charlie said, taking a huge bite of his burger.
"I want to ask Rose to marry me," he replied, causing Charlie to start chocking on
the giant bite he just took. I thought he's clear it out by coughing but when no noise
left him Jasper jumped up. He wrapped his arms around Charlie, dislodging the
chunk of beef from his windpipe.
"Fuck!" Charlie yelled, causing more people to look. The whole restaurant was
watching that that point. He sat back down and slammed his beer. Emmett just
watched, not saying a word. I sat in shock, not hearing about this ahead of time.
"Sorry, I didn't mean…" he finally said, cutting himself off.
Charlie started to shake his head and gained back his breath, shaking off the
choking incident rather quickly.
"No, no, I mean…I'm happy she found someone, a nice guy, you know. But I think
she'll say no and I'm not saying that to be mean, but it's too soon. It's too soon,
right?" he turned and asked me. He rambled nervously, much like Bella did, and I
could tell that he had no fucking clue what to say or how to say it. I was thankful
that I wasn't ready to be in that situation because I could just imagine what Charlie
would be like when it came to his biological daughter.
They were both looking at me and Jasper smirked and looked down at his hands,
trying to stay as far from the conversation as possible. I was stuck between wanting
- 102 -
to be positive for my brother and the reality of the situation.
"I don't know, Em. You should hold off for a little while," I said to him, watching
his face fall. He was quiet for a while and then without warning shot up off his chair.
"I just want your permission, Charlie, that's all. Everything else I can handle. I
love her, more than anything. I've loved her longer than she's known and I just want
this. I want her, and I swear I will do everything in my power to protect her, she
knows that, you have to know that. She'll say yes, I know she will. I just need you to
say yes first," he practically begged. His blue eyes filled with tears and I worried my
big, little brother was going to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of a
crowded restaurant.
"Nothing would make me happier," Charlie replied. They hugged, Charlie
whispering something to Em and then he left quickly, not saying much to Jasper and
I. I hoped that he wasn't going to do it now. I just had a feeling it would end
horribly.
"So… I guess no time is better than now," Jasper said, running his index finger
over the rim of his glass. I braced myself for something awful.
"Alice is pregnant, almost three months," he said, holding back a huge smile.
Between the news of the baby and the possible marriage, I knew I would have to
suck it up and tell Bella everything. Tell her about the person that I was, the person
I became, and the person I hoped to be. I just prayed that she'd take me, all of me,
no questions asked.
- 103 -
Lost In You
SM owns Twilight
Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost
If you want me to
Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you
The pain of it all
The rise and the fall
I see it all in you
Now everyday
I find myself sayin'
I want to get lost in you
I'm nothing without you
~Three Days Grace
BPOV
- 104 -
I was getting nervous since Edward invited me to his house, saying that we
needed to talk. It seemed like it had been years since we'd had a second alone.
There wasn't an excuse for our time apart like there was when Rose was in the
hospital; I knew that he was avoiding me. What I didn't know was the reason behind
it.
As I pulled into the driveway, I could see his silhouette in the front window. There
weren't many lights on, and when I walked into the door, Edward's face looked
anything but excited.
"Hey," I whispered and walked up to him to kiss his lips slightly.
He kissed me back, but barely. I could tell that his mind was somewhere else,
somewhere far away from the fact that I was standing in front of him, desperately
needing him to be okay. My stomach sank and my heart started to hurt - it was
beating so fast, as thoughts rushed through my mind.
"Oh my God, you're going to break up with me," I whispered, mostly to myself. I
tried to go back to all the times I'd seen him at work over the last week or so. He
would still smile at me, still kiss me hello and goodbye, still call me baby and glance
in my direction when he wasn't busy, but other than that there wasn't much contact.
My hands started to shake and I could feel the tears building. Panic was settling in
my chest, making it hard to breathe. But before I could drop to the floor and sob like
the giant girl that I was feeling like, Edward ran his thumbs under my eyes, catching
the tears I didn't know were there.
"Stop, no…I just want to talk to you, Bella. I'm not going to break up with you. It's
kind of the opposite, really. Just come with me, okay?" he said, pulling me behind
him as we made our way over to the couch. The room was lit so dimly, it made me
wonder why he was sitting in the dark all alone.
He sat down across from me and took both my hands in his. He looked so tired, his
green eyes dulled by the lack of sleepy and the glossiness of them making me
wonder when the last time he slept was. Deep, dark grooves were formed under
them, creating a look of pure exhaustion. I started to get the panicked feeling again
about what could be so awful to tell me that he'd lose sleep of it.
"You look awful," I said, running my fingertip under one of his eyes, blushing
when I realized what a shitty thing it was to actually say out loud.
"Well, you look beautiful," he said, leaning forward to kiss me. If it wasn't creepy, I
- 105 -
would keep my eyes open and watch the way he kissed me. The smoothness of his
lips and the strength of the flicks of his tongue made my knees weak. I could only
imagine what it looked like from the outside, his large body dwarfing mine. His big
hands and long fingers always found something to hold; my hair, my hips, my
jaw…running his fingertips over my neck and cheek.
"You're stalling," I said against his mouth, making him smile slightly. I was getting
anxious to find out the real reason that I was at his house.
"You're right," he said with a sigh.
He pulled away and clicked the TV on. The blue screen of the DVD player lit the
room.
"Before I show you these, I need to say a couple of things," he paused to gauge my
reaction. When I nodded, he continued, "The first is kind of graphic, so if it's too
much let me know. After we watch that, we'll talk about it, and if you want to see the
other one, we can watch that."
I took a deep breath and nodded again. He clicked play on the remote and the
scene in front of me took my breath away.
There were men in uniform moving around quickly as a guy on a gurney lay there,
bleeding all over the place. You'd expect him to be freaking out, but he was so calm,
like he had no clue what had happened to him. I gasped when I realized that the guy
on the gurney was Edward. The camera man zoomed into his face and he looked up
at the camera.
His eyes were so wide. I could see the fear there, no pain, just undiluted fear.
"I'm going to come home, baby, don't worry. I love you," he said into the camera
and then people started to move around more, blocking the view of him. Not once
did he shout or act like he was in pain, he just looked concerned, scared of the
unknown as they carried him away.
When the scene played out, he turned it off. I sat in stunned silence, trying to
figure out why he would show that to me.
"It didn't feel like I thought it would," he said after a minute. "I thought it would
burn, like everyone says, but it doesn't. I didn't even feel the first shot; it just
knocked me back a little bit. But the second one, that one felt like someone hit me as
hard as they could with a metal baseball bat. And all I kept thinking was that if I fell
- 106 -
down, I wouldn't be able to save Tyler, I wouldn't be able to help him. And then as
they carried me away from his body, my thoughts changed.
"When it was all happening, when I was on the stretcher, I just kept thinking that
she wouldn't leave me now, she couldn't leave me. I needed to get home so that I
could fix things. So when I saw the camera that was the first thing I said. I didn't tell
my mom and dad how much loved them, or even Emmett. My first fucking thought
was Tanya. Even after what she did, I held out hope. So when I got home and she
didn't come back, and the divorce happened, I lost it. The mixture of everything was
too much, and I just went crazy."
He started to choke up, and I could tell he was forcing the tears away. I wrapped
my hand around his and moved closer. He rested his forehead against my temple.
His breaths hit my face and I breathed him in, like a drug. I tried to push all of my
love and strength into him, willing him to be able to see that everything was okay
now.
"The next thing I want to show you is the reason why you scare me so much, why
being with you scares me so much," he whispered against my cheek.
"I'll do anything to make this work, Edward," I said, fully committed to the words.
He got up and changed DVDs, sitting back down next to me.
It was filled with home movies of his family, and I noticed that while everyone was
having a good time, he always looked on the verge of tears. His arm was in a sling so
I knew it wasn't too long after the attack. Emmett wasn't there so I assumed that he
wasn't home yet. He looked so young; his face was thinner and his body leaner.
I watched clip after clip of him becoming more distant. I wanted to pull that
younger Edward into a hug and never let him go. Instead, I pulled the Edward I had
closer and wrapped my arms around his waist.
Suddenly, the video changed to Edward in a living room I didn't recognize. He was
screaming at no one in particular and flipping furniture. The person behind the
camera moved around him, keep distance. His arms were more covered in tattoos
than the previous clip and the muscles in his neck bulged as he screamed.
After everything was broken or destroyed in the room, Edward looked over at the
camera. His eyes didn't look normal, he didn't look like himself. There was a
blankness to his expression, like someone else was controlling his movements.
Suddenly, he lunged at the camera and it fell to the ground, tilting on its side and
- 107 -
filming towards the ceiling. It was then that I saw Emmett fighting Edward off.
Trying to block the punches without landing any himself.
Edward just kept swinging, ranting in sentences that didn't make any sense.
The blue screen came back on, and I realized that Edward had turned it off. My
hands were shaking and tears covered my face and neck.
"That's what scares me," he said, pulling my arms from around him so that I would
sit up.
"What was that?" I asked, looking into his sad eyes. There were tears there,
threatening to fall.
"That's what I would do when I was wasted or asleep. Emmett was sick of dealing
with it, since I never believed it was as bad as it was. They all tried to tell me what I
was doing but I blew them off, I ignored all that proof. The destroyed house, broken
furniture, shattered mirrors, I just ignored everything. So he made the video as
proof.
"In that particular video I was asleep after drinking all night, which was always
the worst combination, it was when I did the most damage. I would do things in my
drunken sleep state that I never thought I'd do. That night, I finally woke up when
the neighbor came over to break us up. I broke Emmett's nose and three of my
fingers before someone finally stopped me."
I sat and thought about it for a while, trying to let it sink in. Edward never invited
me over to his house if he'd been drinking, and I never seen him drink too often
anyway. If I was around him and he was drinking, he only had a couple beers and
then switched to water. I just always thought that as the owner of a bar it had lost
its appeal.
"How long has it been since you've had an episode like that?" I asked, looking
back up at him.
"About four years now."
I nodded my head and looked back down at my hands, which were pulling at the
hem of my jeans.
"Thank you for sharing all that with me." I leaned closer and kissed him lightly. "It
means a lot that you care about me enough to open up so much, and about such
- 108 -
traumatic stuff."
"I'm definitely falling in love with you," he whispered against my lips.
I smiled and deepened the kiss, wanting nothing more than to scream that I loved
him too, but I wasn't sure that was the appropriate response for something like that.
Did he actually love me? He didn't quite say 'I love you'. Was falling some middle
place between like and love? I knew I was over thinking it, so instead I kissed him
with all the love I felt in that moment, hoping like hell that he could feel it.
When we finally came up for air, he smiled like he'd just won the Olympic gold.
"Are you excited for tomorrow night?" he asked, definitely wanting to change the
subject to something lighter.
"You have no idea, Three Days Grace is one of my favorite bands," I replied.
Edward had been trying to get the band into The Shop for years and they finally
booked them.
I folded myself into him and rested my head against his chest, loving the rhythm
his heart made against my ear.
"As much as I would love to keep you here all night, I think you should probably
head home," he said after a while. We'd been cuddling on the couch in silence for a
long time. His hands never stopped rubbing up and down my arms and my hand
absently ran over the ripples of his stomach.
"Okay," I said, trying to hide the disappointment. I thought that we'd made
progress, but that feeling immediately disappeared with his dismissal.
"I just don't trust myself tonight, after watching all that," he said as explanation,
running his hand through his hair.
"I understand, I promise," I replied, kissing him good night.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, his eyes crinkling in the corners with his grin.
As I drove away, I was hopeful that everything would start to change for the better
now that I knew what he was capable of. And now, he knew I was capable of
handling anything he threw at me.
- 109 -
EPOV
She didn't say I love you back to me, but I knew I had left that a little open for
interpretation. When the words left my mouth, I knew what I really wanted to say
was 'I'm in love with you'. There was no more falling, I'd hit bottom, and there was
no coming back.
She saw me at my worst and didn't run. She saw all my flaws, saw the monster
that lived deep within me and lifted her chin in defiance against him.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I knew I needed a game changer, I wanted her…all
of her. The night before, the nightmares stayed away, despite the fact that I could
feel them lurking. Most of my sleep was broken and I would wake up searching the
bed for a woman that wasn't there.
I was the first there, so I did some paperwork until everyone started to show up.
Adam and the guys from Three Days Grace showed for sound check while I was in
the office, so Alice poked her head in to let me know.
I wiped my palms on my jeans and headed out to the main room. What I found was
nothing short of amazing. Bella was flat out giddy as she hugged each member and
introduced herself. She started to ramble a little and I had to hold back a laugh
since she looked over and spotted me.
"Hey, I'm Edward," I said, extending my hand out to Adam, the lead singer. He
wasn't as tall as I had thought, but other than that he exuded rock star. Neil, Brad,
and Barry all stood behind him, talking to the girls.
"It's a pleasure. We can't wait to play here. We've heard a lot about it, so I was
happy that our tour manger was able to get us to the area," he said, glancing over at
Bella, who was gushing over Brad, asking about what guitar he was going to use for
the show. My jealousy took over a little as I watched the bassist pull her towards the
equipment to check stuff out.
I helped them get set and watched as they started the sound check. I could tell I
looked pissy and brushed everyone off, saying I was just tired.
"He's married," Alice whispered in my ear. I turned and looked at her, my
eyebrows pinched together.
"Brad…he's married. I saw that look you gave them earlier. She loves that band,
loves the music…but she loves you, Edward. I swear your eyes are greener than ever
- 110 -
right now," she joked, walking away to go finish helping with setup.
She used to wear tiny shorts and barely there tops, but since her stomach had
what she thought was a little pooch, even though I didn't see it, she was dressed to
cover her midsection. At first I was scared about bringing a baby into our little
family, but then I thought about what Alice would look like as a mother, the image of
her holding her child, and I knew that it was going to be amazing.
The afternoon was spent listening to sound check, doing final alcohol stocking,
and making sure the merchandise area was set to go. Throughout the afternoon,
Bella and I stole little moments, which just made me want to declare my love and go
home with her and forget the fact that I had a job to do. But then I would see a look
of worry in her eyes when she thought I wasn't looking, and I wondered if it really
was too much for her. If what I showed her the night before was too scary to handle.
I didn't have a lot of time to dwell since the doors opened and the crowd started to
pile in, which was perfect. Usually we had opening acts, but the show was
something pretty fucking special - Three Days Grace, fully acoustic. Because of the
mellow tone of the show, we filled the area with more tables and chairs than usual
and charged a little more per ticket so that we could decrease the amount of bodies
in the room.
As the show started, I watched my girl walked through the crowd. She looked up
at the stage and sang along more than she had with any other band. Occasionally,
she'd stop and twirl her hips while singing along, completely forgetting her job in
that moment. During Never Too Late, she closed her eyes and sang along, pressing
her fist to her chest.
The song changed into the opening cords of one of my favorite songs and I knew,
without a doubt, that I needed her tonight. I spotted her heading back towards the
bar so I swung around and pulled her by the waist into the alcove of the front doors.
"Edward, I'm working," she said, batting at my hands and laughing.
I pulled her closer and moved the hair off her shoulder so I could rest my face
against her neck.
"Scared your boss will fire you?" I teased.
"Oh, yeah, terrified," she said with sarcasm and tried to walk away again. I pulled
harder and pressed her back to my chest, my arms wrapped around her waist. I
tucked my hands into her front pockets and kissed her bare shoulder.
- 111 -
She didn't say anything more as I hummed the song, the vibration of my voice
against her neck. I placed a light kiss below her ear and she visibly sighed and
turned her head to look at me for just a second before focusing back on the stage.
Slowly, she started to sway to the music and I brushed my lips over the exposed skin
of her shoulder before singing words that reminded me of her so much, it was as if
they were written with us in mind.
The pain of it all
The rise and the fall
I see it all in you
Now everyday
I find myself sayin'
I want to get lost in you
I'm nothing without you
She smiled, turning her head to look at me again. I kissed her, pulling her further
back into the shadows of the front doors.
"Come home with me tonight," I said, not asking, but telling. I couldn't see her
saying no, but I also wasn't going to take it for an answer anyway.
"Really?" she asked, turning so her chest was against mine. I nodded and she
pulled me down to her by the back of my hair, her fingers scratching at my scalp.
"Can we leave now?" she asked, her forehead pressed against mine. I could see
the excitement in her eyes.
"I wish we could," I said, pressing my fingertips a little deeper into her hips. She
kissed my nose and turned around, looking back at me over her shoulder.
"I'm scared of what will happen when I finally get you alone," she said, winking at
me and walking away.
The minutes ticked by so slowly. When the band played their encore and the
crowd started to thin out, I knew that we had to make our escape.
- 112 -
"Em, me and Bella are heading out, you got things from here?" I rushed out as
soon as I found him. He'd been in a weird mood ever since he said he wanted to
marry Rose, but he'd yet to pop the question, so I figured that he finally came to his
senses.
"Yep, I got it," he replied, giving me a knowing smile.
It took everything in my entire fucking body to stop myself from throwing her over
my shoulder and heading out. We said goodbye to the band and made our way to the
parking lot.
Leaving her car behind, the ride to my house was quiet. Every once in a while,
Bella would look over and smile, squeezing my hand. By the time we walked into my
front door, the tension was thick, palpable.
The door clicked closed and I had Bella pinned between it and my body. I slid my
tongue into her mouth and my hands reached for her ass. I lifted her so that I could
press into her so hard I was worried I wouldn't be able to get my jeans off safely.
Her hands moved to pull my shirt off, taking hers off right after. Her hand pressed
over my scars and she leaned forward, running her tongue and lips over the still
slightly numb skin. Her fingertips traced the scar that ran down my shoulder blade.
As she kissed all the skin she could find, I continued to pump against her and suck
on her neck, wishing we were naked.
"Bedroom," I panted, dropping her feet back to the floor. She smirked and stalked
forward, tearing clothes off. I walked backwards doing the same, somehow staying
upright the entire time.
When she walked into my bedroom, she was completely naked and crawled into
my bed on her hands and knees. She stayed like that, bent over and looked back at
me, inviting me to take her, just like that.
I settled myself against her ass and back, pulling her long hair away from her
neck. I didn't want to have her bent over, I didn't want to fuck her, but then she
leaned back and pulled herself onto her knees. Her back was still to my chest, but
with her face turned she kissed me and lifted slightly, running her hands over my
hard dick. My hands touched her body, feeling the weight of her breasts, the
hardness of her nipples, the smoothness of her stomach, and the wetness between
her legs.
I stroked her, running my fingers over her clit, back and forth, until finally sinking
- 113 -
two fingers inside her. She started to lift herself up and down, riding my hand as we
kissed. I moved my lips down her neck and across her shoulders, biting and nipping
on the top of her back.
She started to pant my name and I moved to grab a condom from the nightstand,
only to have her take it from me and roll it on. She took over, pulling my fingers
away and settling back down so that I pressed inside her.
"Bella," I sighed, as she started to ride me. I roamed her thighs and stomach with
my hands, pressing her as close to me as I could get her. I kissed, licked, bit,
everything in my sight and chanted how good she felt. As she got closer her moans
became pleads for more, for it to be harder, so I pressed her down onto the bed and
flipped her so that she was on her back. The moment I was back inside her, my
mouth was on hers.
I pressed into her with long, hard thrusts, wishing I could make it last forever, but
knowing I was so close. I felt her tighten around me and I stopped trying to hold
back, releasing and frantically thrusting through my orgasm.
I didn't want to suffocate her so I rolled onto my back, taking her with me. We lay
like that for a while, my now soft dick still inside her.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't supposed to be like that," I said, still slightly breathless. She
looked up at me and moved so that I was no longer inside her and she was on her
side. I pulled the condom off and grabbed a tissue to wrap it in.
"How was it supposed to be? I thought that was pretty damn amazing," she said,
running her finger over my nipple.
"I just pictured it different, you know, our first time. Less like fucking and more
intimate, I don't know," I said with a huff. I sounded like a girl.
"Well I liked it, and everyone needs to be fucked every once in a while. Plus, we
have all night for you to make it up to me," she replied with a wicked glint in her
eyes. I rolled on top of her and pressed my semi hard dick against her thigh.
"I plan to have you in every position I can think of, but we're not just limited to
tonight, love."
We covered all bases, going from fucking to love making, until finally exhaustion
took over. With her warm skin pressed against mine, I sighed in complete happiness.
- 114 -
"I love you," I whispered against her hair, listening to her sleepy breaths.
"Love you, too," she replied with a smile, kissing the skin just above my
collarbone.
I fell asleep quickly, dreaming of brown eyes, bombs, and the smell of gun
powder.
- 115 -
Break
SM owns Twilight
Break away from everybody
Break away from everything
If you can't stand the way
This place is
Take yourself to higher place
At night I feel like a vampire
It's not right
I just can't give it up
I'll try to get myself higher
Let's go
We're going to light it up
Tonight we start the fire
Tonight we break away
~Three Days Grace
BPOV
I was so warm as I rolled over and linked my legs with Edward's. I loved waking
up with him, looking at him while he was sound asleep. Seeing that calm look on his
face made me smile.
I watched as his chest rose and fell with deep, even breaths, and the way his long,
dark lashes brushed over the skin below his eyes. The movements of his eyes under
- 116 -
the lids, indicating that he was dreaming and the upturned corners of his mouth
made me think it might have been about something good. I could watch him sleep,
as creepy as it was, forever.
I ran my fingertip over his full bottom lip, down his chin, and placed my hand over
his heart. It was thumping against my palm at a steady rate. I traced the lines of his
purple heart, feeling the rippled skin of the scar covered by the ink.
His heart beat and the feeling of the scar only reminded me of how close he came
to never having this moment, never have another moment again. How close he was
to never being a part of my life and changing everything.
He was so calm compared to my pounding heart. I had to stop thinking about what
could have been and more about what was. The calm within him was something I
had yet to see while he was sleeping. He was so peaceful.
There were moments that he had stirred a little during the night, and I braced
myself for the backlash, for the thing that would prevent our closeness from
happening again. But it never came. His breathing regulated on its own, and he
drifted back into normal, nightmare free sleep, from what I could tell.
His eyes cracked open slightly, and he smiled down at me, pulling me closer. We
lay there silently, running our hands over bare skin. I sighed in relief that I was
actually waking up with him, in his arms.
"I love you," I whispered, smiling at the freeing feeling of being able to say it.
"I love you, too," he whispered back, the stubble of his cheek brushing my
forehead as his lips pressed into my skin.
I didn't want to move when my phone started ringing from wherever I left my
purse. And when I didn't answer, I heard Edward's phone shrill. He had the most
annoying ringtone: a series of nonsensical notes that made you desperate to answer
it just to shut the damn thing up. It was his way of guaranteeing that he didn't avoid
people when he got into a mood. Emmett would call over and over again until he
answered and somehow rigged it so that it wouldn't go to vibrate or silent. I was
surprised that he hadn't bought a new phone.
He pulled away when his phone started to ring again, leaving the warm cocoon
that we'd created in his big bed. I rolled into his spot and buried myself into his
pillow, trying to soak up the warmth and boy smell.
- 117 -
"Emmett, calm the fuck down. What happened?" Edward asked into the phone as
he walked back into the room.
I sat up in bed, forgetting completely that I was naked, the cool air of the room
hitting my chest, causing my nipples to harden. I pulled the comforter up over my
shoulders and watched as Edward paced and listened to whatever Emmett was
saying. The fact that he was naked was distracting, and I was about to comment, a
smirk pulling at the corners of my mouth, when he started to speak.
"We have to go," he said, slamming his phone down onto the dresser.
"What's going on?" I asked, watching him shove his legs into a pair of jeans,
forgetting completely that he wasn't wearing underwear.
He looked up, as if I was exacerbating the situation since I wasn't following suit
and getting dressed. Annoyance and agitation showed clearly in his wide eyes.
"What the hell is going on, Edward?" I yelled, starting to get freaked out.
"Emmett called, he was with Rose last night at your apartment and they woke up
this morning to find that your front door was vandalized. They called the cops
already, but Rose was asking for you."
I jumped up and grabbed the closest thing to throw on. I hopped into my shoes as
I pulled the button of my jean shorts closed. I was barely dressed as I walked out to
the driveway in broad daylight.
It didn't take long to get to the apartment complex, and we pulled in just as the
police cruiser was parking. I didn't say anything to the police officer as I took off
toward the building. My throat was constricted as I got closer to the front door.
"Oh my God," I whispered into my palms as I looked over the jagged, harsh words.
Written across the door in bold, blood red spray paint were the words "whore" and
"tease," along with a note hung just below the peephole.
Soon, babygirl, very soon
I didn't touch anything, worried I would mess with fingerprints, and waited for the
police officer. Edward was following behind him and as they approached, the officer
radioed in the situation, asking for back up to dust for prints and take pictures of the
crime scene.
- 118 -
He introduced himself as Officer Collins to Edward, but the introduction wasn't
needed for me. He was one of the officers that had been working Rose's case.
"Were you here at all last night?" he asked, jotting down notes as he looked from
me to the door. The police knew the details of Rose's attack and the fact that James
was still out there, so no one doubted that this was his doing.
"I wasn't, but Rose's boyfriend called this morning after finding this. I didn't touch
anything, but I'm not sure about them."
Very carefully, the officer knocked on the door frame, over towards the corner
where there wasn't paint. Rose opened the door seconds later, her face flushed and
her cheeks covered in tears. She threw herself into my arms and started to sob.
"He was here, Bella. He could have hurt me. Oh my God, what if he would have
come inside?" she said through her tears, her face buried in my neck.
"He didn't, and that's all that matters. You'll be safe, I promise," I whispered into
her ear.
Anger radiated through my entire body. That was all I could feel, angry that she
was so scared and angry that James gotten away with it.
I could see Emmett inside, talking with the officer, his arms moving frantically as
he replayed the morning. I moved Rose inside and sat with her on the couch.
Emmett and Rose didn't hear anything and had no clue that anything was amiss
until he opened the door to go get breakfast this morning. So most of the questions
the officer asked, there were no answers to.
I held Rose as the officer knocked on doors, questioning neighbors, asking about
any suspicious people, and handing out his card to call if they see anyone. No one
saw anything, heard anything, nor would they be calling. It was a rule of thumb in
Flint to mind your own business, no matter how much you could help. Most people
didn't want to involve themselves in something that could get them hurt.
Another officer from the precinct came and dusted the door for prints, took
pictures, and took samples of the still wet spray paint. He even bagged the note in
plastic labeled 'evidence'.
After a couple hours, they were gone and the guys were at the hardware store
buying paint to cover James's words, unwilling to wait for the maintenance guy to
- 119 -
get it done.
"They need to catch him, Bella. I can't live in fear all the time like this," she said
as she sobbed into my chest. We curled into each other on the couch and I held her
as she shook. It didn't take long for her to drift off to sleep.
As I looked down at her, I noticed the changes in her features. Her cheeks a little
more sunken in, her eyes framed by dark circles. When she wasn't with me, she was
with Emmett. She rarely left the house; she was becoming withdrawn from
everything outside our little circle. I wanted to kill that fucker for doing this to my
friend.
I rested my cheek on her head and squeezed her tight, thinking about what could
have happened if James had tried to get inside. I knew this was just the beginning.
He would try again; this was just his way of telling Rose he was still around.
Taunting her, trying to instill fear that he seemed to crave.
I could hear the jingle of keys in the door as the guys came home. Edward kissed
my forehead, lingering there for a second, before he and Emmett got to work.
Because of the deep red paint, the guys decided to paint the door black.
The fumy smell wafted through the apartment, and I moved from under Rose to
open windows. The late August breeze floated into the room, making the smell more
manageable.
I couldn't believe that it had only been a few meager months and so much had
happened. My twenty-third birthday was closing in on me, but I was in no mood to
celebrate. Honestly, I was hoping that Rose and Alice would forget, but that was
unlikely.
My thoughts were broken by my ringing phone. My father was on the other end
when I answered, screaming about catching James and freaking out about the fact
that Rose and I could have been hurt. While I loved the concern, I was over the day,
over talking about the douche bag that didn't seem to want to go away. I hurried off
the phone, promising that we'd be okay and that I wasn't going to run and hide at
my dad's because of some loser. He didn't like that so much and started yelling
more. It took my mother taking the phone from him for me to finally end the call.
"Okay, you guys pack up and we'll get out of here," Emmett said, closing the door
after they finished. I clicked the TV off and stood up to face them, my head pounding
from the mix of fumes and anxiety.
- 120 -
"What do you mean 'pack up'?" I asked, annoyed that all the men were starting to
go into freak out mode. I had three locks on my door and reinforced locks on the
windows. I wasn't worried about James getting in, and I doubted that he'd be back
tonight, seeing that the police were going to be watching the complex. I wasn't
going to run away. I expressed that to the two tattooed meatheads standing across
from me, only to get nasty looks in return.
"Well, you can do what you want, but Rose is coming with me," Emmett said,
walking over to wake her up. She stirred and looked up at him smiling widely when
he kissed her forehead.
I rolled my eyes, knowing that she wouldn't put up a fight. They practically lived
together as it was. So instead, I turned to Edward and put my hands on my hips, a
sure sign that I wasn't going to run away with my tail between my legs.
"Fine, stay here," he said, raising his hands in defeat. "But I'm staying with you."
The wind was taken out of my sails, and I stomped off into my bedroom. I listened
as Rose packed and left with Emmett.
I didn't know what I was even fighting for. I knew I was being pigheaded, but I
didn't want to admit that I was wrong. The look on Edward's face changed that
quickly, the words sputtering out before I could stop them.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as I heard the bedroom door click closed, trying to avoid
meeting his understanding eyes. He wrapped his arms around me as he sunk down
onto the bed next to where I was.
"We really should leave," he whispered into my hair.
"I just don't want to run, you know? This is my house. We've lived here for so long,
and I have memories here. I hate that he's changing so much just because he's a
psycho. I told Rose she shouldn't work there, but she wouldn't listen. Now
everything is falling apart."
"We can make new memories," he promised, kissing my bare shoulder as he
pushed the strap of my tank top back into place.
As I fell asleep in his bed that night, caving into his pleas to stay with him, I
thought about his use of the word we and how scared I was to admit that it sounded
really nice.
- 121 -
The next morning, I woke up and decided to snoop around the house, never really
seeing all the rooms. I wanted to let Edward sleep, since he'd been rather restless
through the night. As I open and shut doors, I realized that the house was made for
a family, not just a single man. I opened the door closest to the top of the staircase,
my breath hitched.
Inside was a memorial. There were pictures upon pictures of men in uniform, fully
protected in helmets and vests, their guns slung over their shoulders. They all
smiled largely at the camera, dirty and dusty from the terrain covering their faces.
The bookcases were covered in awards, plaques, metals, and military type stuff.
As I looked at everything, I noticed one thing that every picture had in common:
the genuine smile on Edward's face was breathtaking. Some had his arm wrapped
around Jasper or Tyler, sometimes both. They all looked so happy, like there was
nothing to fear, little did they know.
"Hey," a voice came from behind me. I jumped and yelped as I spun to see Edward
standing in the doorway, his hair messy and his chest bare. Just a pair of low slung
sleep pants covered his perfect body.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling bad for snooping and dumb for getting caught so
blatantly.
"Don't apologize. You can go anywhere you want in this house, Bella. It's not like
the things in this room are a dirty secret. You didn't find a dead body or my stash of
porn," he replied with a smirk.
"You have a stash of porn?" I asked, smiling widely.
"I guess you won't know until you find it," he joked, walking further into the room.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. He
sighed loudly as he took in the picture I had been looking at.
"You guys looked so happy," I said, running my finger tip down the center of the
picture, over Edward's face.
"That was a few days before the ambush. We were having what Tyler liked to call
a 'mental health day'. Somehow, he'd gotten nonalcoholic beer, and we sat around
drinking it and cracking jokes. Then he started to act like he was drunk and hitting
on one of the female Marines that happened to be walking by. She smacked him,
which is why one of his cheeks looked redder than the other," he said was a laugh.
- 122 -
He was right, Tyler's cheek was red, but his smile didn't show any other emotion
but pure joy.
"I wish I could have known him…known you then," I whispered, turning my head
to kiss his cheek.
"You wouldn't have wanted to know me then. I was a mess after I got back."
I closed my eyes and pressed my temple into his neck. No matter how desperately
I wanted to change his past, I couldn't.
"The big difference would have been that I would never have pulled the shit Tanya
did, never."
He spun me around a kissed me, backing me up until my butt hit the desk. We
stayed there for a while, kissing and whispering little things to each other.
"I want to show you something," he said after pulling away.
He walked over and pulled down a box from the top shelf of the closet, opening it
like it was made of glass.
He sat down on the floor, and I watched as he pulled out an orange flag and a flat
black box. As he unfolded the flag, I noticed the writing all around the English
bulldog that was in the middle: United States Marine Corps surrounding the devil
dog.
All the things written were about how tough Edward was, how much they missed
him, how much him and Tyler made a difference in their lives. None of the messages
were written in a way that seemed mushy, littered with curse words and perverted
comments.
"They sent this after I was out of the hospital and back home. None of them made
it home for Tyler's funeral. They were all still deployed. I think getting this flag was
the starting point of my downward spiral. The fact that they were all still there and I
couldn't be there with them sucked. I started drinking heavily. It was a slippery
slope after that," he said, pulling me to sit between his legs on the floor.
We spent the day in that room, going through pictures and telling stories about
our childhood. Edward talked about Iraq a little more and about Tyler, but mostly he
talked about growing up with his two best friends and little brother.
- 123 -
EPOV
"What are you doing?" I asked, walking into the kitchen way too early for my
liking. Bella was perched on a stool at the counter looking through newspapers with
her laptop right next to her.
She'd been staying at my house for a couple weeks, since Rose decided that she
didn't want to go back to their apartment. She and Emmett had officially moved in
together, unlike my current undecided status with Bella.
"Looking for a new place. Rose is staying with Emmett and our lease is month to
month, so I'm just going to try and find a one bedroom in a different complex since
they don't have a single open at mine. My dad doesn't want me living alone in that
apartment complex anyway, so…" she trailed off.
I had been trying to find a way to ask her to stay permanently. But every time I
started to speak, I'd chicken out. In the two weeks she'd been with me, there hadn't
been a single nightmare, no sudden mood issues. I was finally happy…really fucking
happy, and I wanted her to be a part of my life for good.
I leaned over the counter across from her and pushed her laptop closed, causing
her to look up at me.
"Stay here," I whispered, not looking up into her eyes. Silence filled the room.
"Don't say that, just don't," she replied and I finally looked up. There were tears in
her eyes that she tried to wipe away before I saw.
"Just because Em and Rose are doing it and all of this has happened doesn't mean
you have to ask me to stay. I don't want you to feel obligated because of the
situation. It's only been a few months, Edward. Don't rush into something because
there's some kind of pressure to do so," she said, opening her laptop again, trying to
end the conversation.
I slammed it closed again with a little more force than I'd meant to. "That's not
why I'm asking. The past few months have been the fucking scariest and most
exhilarating of my entire life. Taking a bullet was easier that the emotional shit I've
been through since I met you."
I scrubbed my hands over my face and looked back up to see her watching me.
She didn't even try to hide her tears.
- 124 -
"I love you, Bella. I want you with me all the time. I want you to use that degree
that you think is useless to help me run my business. I want a life with you," I said in
mostly a whisper.
She started to cry harder and I pulled her into a hug. She gripped onto my hair
and pressed her lips against mine, sliding her hips so that her body rubbed against
me. The look in her eyes was all I needed to know that she was my forever, that she
wanted that forever just the same.
Clothes started to fall against the tiles in the kitchen, until there was nothing left
between us, all the barriers gone. Slowly, I lifted her, sitting her on the counter in
front of me. I took my time, feeling her curves, caressing her skin, before sinking
inside of her.
Her breath stopped short and a tiny sigh escaped her full lips a second later as I
started to move inside her.
"I love you," I whispered against her neck, sucking on the space just below her
ear.
"Mmmm," she said, nodding her head in agreement. I loved leaving my girl
breathless, speechless, when I was inside her.
"So Bella agreed to move in?" Emmett asked as he hung the Happy Birthday sign
over the bar.
"She didn't say the words, but she stopped looking for places, so I'm just going to
assume that she's there for good. I think she's scared that I'm going to have a dream
and freak out or something. I just have to prove that I'm in this for the long haul," I
said, grabbing the few balloons that were left on the bar top.
The plan was to close down the bar for the private party and surprise Bella. I had
Rose invite the people that I didn't know since Bella and I had yet to combine our
two worlds. There were quite a few guys there, most I didn't know. The two that I
did know I wasn't too sure about. I'd met Mike and Eric before and they seemed to
be interested in more than a friendship with Bella.
My parents were driving down and Bella's parents were with her, using the plan
of taking her out to dinner as a cover to get her to the bar.
- 125 -
"About ten minutes," Alice said, hopping down off the bar. She wasn't showing
really, and if you didn't know she was pregnant, you'd never guess it. Jasper still
took every opportunity to touch her stomach.
My stomach was in knots as everyone turned the lights down and hid. The silence
of the room was interrupted by the door opening and Bella's mom saying something
about picking up something for Rose that she left. I could hear Bella complaining
that her key wasn't supposed to be used to get in whenever she wanted.
Just as she was about to tell her dad to go back to the car, the lights flicked on and
everyone yelled. It was a very sitcom moment. Bella screamed, her mom started to
cry, Alice and Rose tackled her into a hug, all while I sat back and watched as she
choked up.
When her eye met mine, she moved quickly, throwing her arms around my neck.
"You sneak," she whispered, kissing me lightly, very aware of her father standing
only twenty feet away.
"Happy Birthday, baby," I said, kissing her again before letting her greet
everyone.
The night progressed much like any night at the bar. Music blared, everyone
drank, and Bella was the life of the party. The smile never left her face as she
chatted, danced, and drank jungle juice that Em mixed up.
Her parents and mine decided to leave at about ten o'clock, the music a little too
loud and the people getting a little too rowdy for their liking. I kissed both our
moms, hugged my dad, and gave a very firm handshake to Mr. Swan. Bella cried
again, thanking them all for coming. I could tell that she was getting close to her
limit of alcohol intake.
After our parents left, the party picked up, alcohol flowing like water.
I watched as she talked with guys I barely knew, watched the way that they
looked at her. She laughed and smacked their arms, threw her head back as she
laughed. I kept reminding myself that I was just being a jealous asshole, that I was
being irrational. I downed shots and chased them with beer trying to ignore the
feeling eating away at my insides.
"Having fun?" I asked into her hair, coming up behind her. I could smell the
whiskey on my breath, having drunk too much but never knowing when to slow
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down.
"Yeah, are you?" she asked, turning into me.
Before I could answer, a hand came down and smacked Bella on the ass. She
turned and laughed at Mike, who started doing some weird hand shake thing with
her.
"What the fuck!" I yelled, pushing him away from my girl.
"Dude, chill," he replied, pushing back at me.
I didn't think, I didn't even think about trying to stop myself; I just swung, hitting
Mike in the face before I felt arms around me, pulling me away. I swung my arms
out trying to get free, causing the people near me to step back. Bella didn't move
soon enough, her cheek coming into contact with my elbow.
"Calm the fuck down, Edward," Jasper, yelled into my ear. I could see Rose run up
from the crowd and she grabbed my shirt, pulling me towards her.
"Mike didn't mean shit by that, Edward. We've known them since we were kids.
You took it too far, you hurt Bella," she yelled.
I looked over to see that Bella was holding the side of her face, tears streaming
down her fingers.
"Bella, baby," I said, moving towards her.
"Don't!" she screamed, throwing her hands up and moving back. I could see that a
bruise was forming just under her eye. "Don't touch me."
I stood and watched as Rose escorted her out, Bella crying in her arms. They were
followed by most of the people at the party.
"Call a cab, go home, and sleep this off, Edward," Emmett said, leaving without
another word.
Within ten minutes, I was standing alone in the middle of my bar, drunk and
wondering what the fuck just happened.
- 127 -
Without You
SM owns Twilight
Search for the answers I knew all along
I lost myself, we all fall down
Never the wiser of what I've become
Alone I stand, a broken man
All I have is one last chance
I won't turn my back on you
Take my hand, drag me down
If you fall then I will too
And I can't save what's left of you
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you
There's nothing left to lose
The fighting never ends
I can't face the dark without you
~Breaking Benjamin
BPOV
Rolling over in bed, I realized I wasn't at home. The pillow was too hard, the
sheets too scratchy, and they smelled faintly like Axe body spray…and not the good
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smelling kind. I was definitely in Emmett's house. I could faintly remember the car
ride home, crying to the point of exhaustion, Rose trying to comfort me to no avail. I
missed Edward. I wanted him with me so I could tell him how much all the bullshit
of last night didn't matter.
As my eyes opened, they burned; the sun was way too bright, causing me to slam
them closed. The movement radiated through my head. There was a faint feeling of
nausea in the back of my throat, and my head was pounding. I could taste the
alcohol from the night before, and my teeth felt fuzzy.
When I rolled over onto my side, a shooting pain flashed up my cheek. I lifted my
hand to feel that below my eye was swollen, something that would probably be more
noticeable if my eyes were open.
"Knock, knock," Rose said as she came into the room with a glass of water and
some pills. She also had a bag of ice, which I wasn't sure was really necessary
anymore; what was done was done. I didn't even want to know what I looked like. It
was an accident, that was what I kept telling myself, because I knew it was. My
alcohol muddled mind from the night before just wouldn't allow me to see it that
way. Things were a little clearer, even with a giant headache.
"Morning, sweetie," she said, trying to sound cheery, but it just came off as fake.
It must have been the sound of her on the stairs that stirred me from my sleep. I
really just wanted to go back to bed and wake up yesterday morning, before
everything fell apart.
Without her even having to ask, I took the pain killers and drank down the water.
Taking the ice out of her hand, I threw it on the nightstand. I didn't want to be
babied.
"Everything is so fucked up," I said, rolling onto my stomach and putting the
pillow over my head, groaning like a spoiled teenager.
"It will all work out," she said, patting my back as I started to cry again.
I was amazed there were any tears left to shed.
"Where's Edward? Did Emmett go to his house last night?" I asked, worried about
how I left him the night before.
Alone.
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I tried to leave to go to him, but Rose stopped me, sending Emmett instead. She
tried to explain that trying to fix things while intoxicated wouldn't fix anything. Now,
the morning after, I understood what she'd meant. Nothing good would have come
from going there.
"Edward's at home, he's fine. Emmett should actually be back soon, since their
dad came back down late last night. But let's worry about all that later, please, how
are you feeling?"
"I feel like I made a huge mistake, like I should have stayed with him last night,
but-" I started to say but was cut off by Emmett coming in the door. He looked
exhausted, under his eyes almost black. But there wasn't a mark on him, making me
sigh in relief that Edward didn't seem to have gotten violent.
"Hey," he greeted grimly, plopping down on the bed next to me. He was
completely dead on his feet.
"He's fine, didn't say much. Actually he didn't say anything for the last five hours,
just moped around the house until he couldn't carry himself on his legs anymore.
Kicked me and Dad out right before heading to his room. He fell asleep before I
even had the chance to check on him and let him know to call when he woke up.
Damn, I hate when he gets like that, but it's better than the alternative," he said,
looking me dead in the eyes.
I was unsure what he was trying to express to me, but there was a sudden feeling
of guilt, like I should have walked away from Mike and Eric when I realized how
drunk they were getting. It was known how grabby they got after a little too much to
drink. I should have been a better girlfriend and none of this would have happened.
"Don't even try to blame yourself," Rose said, pulling me from my thoughts. "You
know that no matter what, with him drinking like that, something was going to
happen. This is the breaking point in your relationship, the place where you guys
have to decide what to do. But it's really up to him now how to move forward
because it's his baggage that is hindering things. You just have to wait and see
where you fit into his plan. But I'm sure you fit in there, Bella. He loves you too
much."
Emmett moved to pull me into a hug. "Yeah, he's going to have to stop drinking for
good, though, that's for damn fucking sure. I thought he was cool, that he could
control himself. He stopped drinking for a while years ago but then he'd have a beer
at a party, and that turned into two. He hasn't been like that in a long time. Don't
worry Bella, my brother always figures it out, it's just what he does."
- 130 -
We ate breakfast in silence, no one saying anything more about the situation. All I
wanted was to go back to bed and pretend this didn't happen. I wanted to avoid
everything until it was magically better.
My head started to pound even harder, so I quickly exited the living room where
we'd been watching reruns and got into the shower. As I thought about Edward, the
warm water mixed with my hot tears. I was having a full-blown melt down, and my
chest ached knowing that I was hurting him with my absence.
I knew if I had seen some girl I barely knew all over him, I would have reacted,
but not as extremely. It was human nature to have some jealousy. If he didn't get
jealous, even slightly, it would feel as if he didn't care. But the fact was, if he hadn't
been drinking, it would have never happened. Honestly, if I hadn't been drinking, I
would have been less likely to allow things to progress like they had.
I hurried through my shower, throwing on my dirty clothes since I had nothing
else. I couldn't find it in myself to give a shit, I just needed to get home to Edward.
"I need your car," I yelled to Rose, grabbing the keys off the counter without an
answer. I couldn't wait to see what happened to Edward last night after I left. I
couldn't allow one more second of being without him. Whatever was waiting for me
at home, I could handle it, and I had to if I wanted to keep Edward.
EPOV
The quiet was getting to me as I sat at the empty bar. All the lights were off
except for a few of the neon's alerting to the types of beers that were carried. They
gave everything an eerie glow.
Downing another shot of whiskey, I called a cab, ready to get home. I needed to
get away from the scene of the crime desperately. All I could do was replay the
events and try to figure out how I could have changed something, anything, to make
Bella stay. The thing that needed to change the most was me and what was in my
hand, the bottle cool against my skin. I knew I needed to stop drinking, but my
hands kept pouring and my mouth kept taking it. It was a reflex at that point, my
way of coping. Between losing Tyler and then Tanya the way I did, I wondered if I
was too damaged to be any good to anyone. If I'd ever be able to pack away my
demons and move on with my life.
The honking noise of the cab pulled me from my thoughts and I locked up, walking
out to see my usual guy, Tim, behind the wheel. His bald head, rough expression,
and skinny frame made him look like he could be a part of some racist group, out
- 131 -
terrorizing the minorities of Flint. But in reality, he was married to a beautiful
woman and the father of two little girls who were his world. He was also one of the
nicest guys I'd had the chance to meet, even briefly, since moving to Flint. There
were a bunch of pictures littering his dash to prove it.
It was amazing what you could find out about a person when they drove you home
drunk on several occasions, since I frequented the Machine Shop before I bought it.
"Long night, Edward?" he asked, pulling away from the bar. I just grunted in
response and took another swig of the whiskey in my hand. As much as I liked the
guy, I wasn't in the mood to chat.
"You know you can't drink that shit in here, this isn't a party bus. Put a fucking
cap on it and hide that shit till you get home," he scolded. It wasn't the first time he
had to tell one of us not to drink in his cab. But illegal or not, Tim wouldn't throw too
much of a fit since I paid him more than triple the fare.
It felt like it took hours to get home, but when I finally closed the door to my
empty house, the realization of everything hit me. The silence only extenuated the
buzzing sound of the kitchen light as I rummaged for something to eat, needing to
soak up some of the alcohol in my stomach. It was a mistake to drink so much,
something I would surly pay for in the morning. I shoved a cold bagel into my mouth
and flipped the light switch, greeted by the utter silence that had become my life. A
silence that I was worry would be too common. I missed Bella's humming as she
made breakfast, the little noises she made when she didn't realize I was listening.
Stumbling up the stairs, I tried to find my room but ended up in the wrong one.
The military flags, memorabilia, and pictures surrounded me. My shrine to Tyler and
the five other guys that we'd lost that day. It could have been a mistake that I ended
up there, but that was where I usually went when I was feeling the way I was.
I pulled a picture of Tyler down off the wall, the only one that was of just him. It
wasn't from the Marine Corps; it was from our senior year of high school. When life
was simple, uncomplicated, less damaged. When our smiles were easy and our eyes
weren't hardened by the things we had seen.
Tyler wanted to plan a senior skip day and it ended up as a huge barbecue at his
parents' house. The Crowley's were known for being the 'cool' parents, the ones to
let the rules slide if it meant good, clean fun. Plus, Mr. Crowley said that a skip day
was just a part of the soon-to-be graduate status we had at the point in our lives.
But instead of the water balloons that everyone thought he'd brought out that day,
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he had spent all night filling them with more than just water. He didn't even tell
Jasper and I, his best friends. So when the first balloon exploded all over the
cheerleading captain, Megan, it was an all out war. No one was safe.
The picture was how I wanted to remember him, laughing so hard his eyes were
practically closed, his face covered in multiple colors of paint. That was Tyler,
always laughing, trying to make things as fun as he could, as often as he could.
My head hung has I sunk to the floor and buried my face into my knees, holding
the frame tight to my chest. The hot tears ran over my cheeks, over my hands, and
soaked into my pants.
"I would do fucking anything to bring you back, but I know it doesn't matter,
you're gone," I cried. I could feel myself rocking, chanting over and over how sorry I
was. Sorry I couldn't save him, sorry that I was a shitty friend sometimes, sorry that
I didn't tell him I loved him enough, sorry that I fucked everything up by not
protecting my men that day.
The door to the room opened and I started to cry harder, not caring that I was a
grown man curled into a ball, sobbing into a picture frame filled with my best
friend's face.
"Bella," I whispered, praying that it was really her, needing for it to be her.
"Sorry, dude," Emmett said, sitting down next to me. I wanted him away from me;
I didn't need him provoking something that could easily be avoidable if he would
have just stayed home.
"Bella sent me," he whispered as an argument, trying to explain why he was there
in the first place. He tried to pull the picture from my hands. I gripped it tighter but
he managed to get it from me, throwing onto the small couch near the only window.
"You can't keep doing this shit, Edward. It's not healthy. He'd hate to see you like
this, ruining everything you've built because the past consumes you. Would you
want him to mourn you this long if it was reversed?"
No reply was given, there was no answer I could give that would be genuine. I
didn't want to deal with Emmett or his pep-talks, to be honest. Apparently, he felt
like he needed reinforcements because at some point my father showed up, trying to
talk me out of leaving the room.
"Come on, Edward, just go to bed," he pleaded. I looked up into his blue eyes and
- 133 -
felt my chest ache. He looked so much older than he did just hours ago. I knew that
worry I constantly was putting my parents through wasn't good for them.
I didn't reply again; I'd become a mute. If I opened my mouth all hell would break
loose, things would be said that weren't meant. Feelings would be hurt and that
usually ended in physical altercations. Especially between Emmett and me.
Hours passed and I still didn't say a word, wandering aimlessly through the house,
being followed by my dad and Emmett. There were pictures on the shelves of Bella
and I, touches she added when she moved in. It felt more like a home with her stuff
there. Her clothes in the closet, her toothbrush next to mine. I didn't want those
things to change.
"Will you just fucking say something?" Em finally yelled as the sun started to come
up, ending the silence that I was relishing in. I didn't want to hear anyone but Bella.
I looked between him and Dad, both of who looked like shit.
"Yeah… I fucked up, I might have lost my girl, and I want my best friend back. My
head aches, I feel like I could throw up, and I'm ready to get some fucking sleep.
Thanks for the concern, but I'm sober now, so the babysitting is over. No suicide
watch needed for the broken man you both love. I'm far too selfish to leave this
world without Bella." With that, I walked to my room, took everything off except my
underwear and passed out.
"Wake up," I heard being whispered, a hand moving over my bare back.
I opened my eyes to see Bella's beautiful face, marred only by the angry mark that
I left on her. The area around her eye was purple, swollen to the point that her
lower eye lid covered most of her eye. There was a small cut over the apple of her
cheek. Her eyes looked so drained of life; I could tell she was tired. I reached up and
ran my thumb over her face.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, my throat feeling tight. Sitting up, I kissed her cheek
softly. The tears started again, guilt showing through in the action. She turned her
face into mine and sighed.
"Don't apologize, please. I'm sorry I left, I overreacted," she replied.
I wanted to fight with her, tell her I overreacted about everything, but I didn't
- 134 -
have the energy.
"You're wrong, but, please, let's talk about this later, just lay with me," I said,
pulling her down into the bed with me. She didn't argue at all, just followed me
down. She pulled her jeans off, taking her top off next, never leaving my side. As she
curled onto my chest, I could feel her warm skin, the thumping of her heart, her
fingers gripping at my arm tightly.
"I love you, Edward. I always will, no matter what," she whispered. They were
words I had heard before, words promised before I entered a war zone. This time I
hoped that they were genuine. This time I hoped that they were the truth.
"I love you, too. I promise it will be better," I replied as I drifted back to sleep.
- 135 -
Never Too Late
SM owns Twilight
The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
- 136 -
~Three Days Grace
EPOV
I could smell her, feel her skin under my fingertips when I curled them slightly,
pulling her closer. Her arm was wrapped around my waist, her legs tangled with
mine, and warm breath washed over the back of my neck.
I could feel her chest rise and fall against my back, a slight snore coming from
her.
Home.
She was with me, she came back. Tears stung my eyes as I thought about the fact
that I had come so close to losing her.
My head ached immensely, and a wave of nausea hit me fast. I had no idea why
people drank, hangovers were awful. I swallowed deeply, trying to push the feeling
back down, and as carefully as I could, I rolled over. It was a mistake.
The side of her face was black and blue. Under her eye, down her cheek. I was
surprised that she wasn't in pain; she didn't seem to be in pain, but she had to be.
I'd seen it earlier, when she came back to me, but now I could really study it.
There was a slight area of broken skin that looked raw around the edges. The mark
ruined the perfection of her skin.
I leaned forward and kissed the apple of her cheek, over the mess that I had
made. She hissed slightly in her sleep, grimacing, but quickly fell back into a deep,
restfulness.
It pulled at something inside me. My gut retched, it hurt to breathe.
I hurried off the bed and ran into the bathroom, losing every little bit of what was
left inside my stomach. Resting my head against the coolness of the tiled floor, I
started to cry. Sobs ripped though me, harder than they had in years, causing my
back to ache.
I could taste the liquor in my mouth, taste the poison that affected me so much
that my girl was hurting. I was so angry. Angry to the point that I wanted to hit
something, scream, do anything that I could to get the frustration out. I needed to
vent.
- 137 -
As I fumbled my way down the dark staircase, I knew that only one thing could
really help.
BPOV
I reached for warmth but found nothing but cool sheets and an empty bed. I
hadn't expected to sleep as long as I did-looking at the clock to see that it was three
o'clock in the morning. I had slept most of the afternoon and well into the night.
"Edward," I semi-yelled, but didn't get a response.
Pulling Edward's discarded t-shirt over my head, I made my way through the dark
hall and the even darker staircase. I could hear noise coming from the kitchen but
couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. As the overhead lighting briefly blinded me, I
ran into a barstool, alerting Edward to my presence. It didn't seem to make a
difference, because when my eyes finally adjusted, I gasped, my hands flying up to
cover my mouth.
"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked while watching him, knowing it was a
stupid question as soon as the words left my mouth.
He was sobbing, heavy tears falling down his face, as he poured liquor bottle after
liquor bottle down the drain. The clanking of glass as they fell into the trash can was
the only thing louder than his weeping. Aluminum beer cans littered the countertop.
"Baby, stop, please! You don't have to do that right now. Just come back to bed." I
walked forward, but he backed away, hitting his hip against the granite countertop.
"Look at your face, Bella. I have to do this now. I have to get rid of all this shit; it
makes me a fucking monster! I can't ever do that to you again, ever. I'm sick inside
knowing that I hurt you. So fucking sick!
"I woke up and rolled over to kiss you and that was all I could see. All I could see
were the marks that I left on your face. I never thought that I could do anything like
that, no matter how much I had to drink. But I did that to you!" He dropped to the
floor with his face in his hands.
I did the only thing I could do. I wrapped myself around him and chanted over and
over that it would be okay. It would all work out. I wasn't leaving, no matter what. It
wasn't his fault. All the while I was sobbing right along with him. My heart was
breaking for the man I loved.
- 138 -
We sat on the floor, rocking back and forth together for a long time. Both of our
tears had dried up and my back was starting to ache, but I wanted to hold him until
he didn't need it anymore. I wanted to be everything for him, heal him, and make
him better again.
"Lets go back to bed," he finally suggested. His face was blotchy, his eyes rimmed
with red.
I didn't say anything, just took his hand and pulled him off the floor.
We made our way back upstairs, crawling into bed. For a long time we lay
together, Edward's fingers tracing my spine.
"I think I need to take a break from being at the bar. I want you to help me run
things, but I'm going to do it from the house. Just for a little while, until I can get my
head together."
I didn't say anything, just nodded my head against his chest. I would support
anything he wanted to do.
"I think it would be a good idea to see someone, talk about everything. You know,
the stuff inside you that makes you so angry," I suggested quietly.
He remained silent for a while before speaking.
"I was already thinking that. Start seeing my therapist again, maybe attend some
AA meetings, the whole nine yards. I just want to feel whole."
It was a plan, a good plan, and the first step was actually moving forward with it.
The fall turned cold quickly. Edward was into his sixth week of therapy and his
first month of AA by the time Halloween rolled around. Instead of getting dressed up
and going out, we stayed home and passed out candy to the kids in the
neighborhood. Alice and Jasper joined us, since it wouldn't be much fun going out
almost five months pregnant.
Alice was having major morning sickness, which in turn made her express feelings
of hate towards Jasper for getting her pregnant. Their banter was cute and made me
crave what they had…marriage, a family.
- 139 -
And of course, Rose was Rose, so she dragged Emmett out. Any excuse to dress in
anything that wasn't deemed normal was something she couldn't resist. I was okay
with it, since she seemed happier than I'd ever seen her. Her smile was real, a smile
that I hadn't seen since we were kids.
Emmett's twenty-ninth and Jasper's thirtieth birthdays were celebrated together
at the Cullen's house, in their hometown. It was the first time I had met Jasper's
mom and dad. But they seemed detached from the entire party, iffy about being in
such a large crowd. There were so many friends from town that had showed up for
the festivities.
Later, Alice had told me that his mother suffered from anxiety and had a hard time
with gatherings that large. It just showed the love she had for her son to come,
despite her issues with the whole thing.
I was also proud of Edward, being around the party, everyone with drinks in their
hands. And yet, he didn't touch a single drop, spending most of the night cuddled
with me on the couch. We watched Emmett make an ass of himself playing Dance,
Dance Revolution on the Play Station 3 he'd gotten from his mom for his birthday.
By Thanksgiving, everything had started to settle down. Edward and I were
starting to work into a nice groove, making a little routine that we lived by.
Alice was complaining less about being pregnant, moving into that glowing stage.
She said that it was the fine sheen of sweat that made her glow, but I knew that
deep down it was the fact that her dreams were coming true.
Mr. and Mrs. Cullen had invited all of us to Harrison for the holiday, including my
parents.
As we pulled into the driveway, I started to get slightly nervous, since this would
be the first time our parents had been in the same room since my birthday. Over the
months, the truth of what had happened came out, causing a slight rift between my
father and Edward. This, in turn, caused a little tension when it came to Edward's
parents.
His involvement in AA and the fact that he had rarely been in the bar during
business hours seemed to help. He hadn't had a drink since that night and only went
to the bar when absolutely needed.
I didn't think that Edward had a drinking problem; it was more a potential
problem than anything. But he felt better about not drinking while he was working
- 140 -
through his issues in therapy. It was obvious that the years he'd spent after Tyler's
death working with the grief counselors and therapists hadn't fully worked.
The major issue in the whole things was that my father was a cop and hearing that
his daughter was injured in any way only solidified the fact that a confrontation
couldn't be avoided. Edward assured me, after they talked, that my father just
wanted to have a sit down to make sure nothing like that would happen again. I
didn't need the reassurance. I could look into Edward's eyes and see that he was
truly sorry all the way down into his soul.
Emmett and Jasper were amazingly supportive of everything Edward was doing
and they did everything in their power to make sure that Edward felt like a part of
the team, even though he wasn't there much. We were all looking forward to him
stepping back into bar and being a part of the fold again.
I was running their books, helping with the booking of the talent and everything
else that could be done from our home office. It had been decided that Edward and I
would keep the business side going, and Em and Jasper handled the day-to-day stuff.
So far, it was working out really well.
Edward lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the inside of my wrist, pulling me
from my thoughts. I had almost forgotten that we were sitting in his parents'
driveway.
"I'm most thankful for you-today, tomorrow, for the rest of my life," he said,
leaning in to kiss my mouth, making my heart thump a little too hard in my chest
and my stomach do a little flip. When he said things like that I was excited for the
thought of forever and terrified that it was all so fast.
I kissed him back chastely with a huge smile on my face, knowing full well that my
father wasn't too far behind. As if on cue, my parents pulled into the driveway,
popping our little bubble.
We got out of the car, and I grabbed the pies that I had made for dessert. Mrs.
Cullen insisted that she didn't need anyone to bring anything, but I couldn't show up
empty handed. My mother must have thought the same way, since she had a
casserole dish in her hands as she got out of the car.
Just then the rest of the gang pulled in, getting out with their hands full of food.
Esme wasn't going to be happy. I could just see her forehead wrinkle at us and the
little huffed she'd give when she saw all the food.
- 141 -
"Hi, Mrs. Swan," Edward greeted with a kiss to her cheek. She was smitten with
him, insisting that he call her Renee, even though he never listened.
Edward shook hands with my father and did the man hug, pat the back thing with
Emmett and Jasper as they walked up.
I met up with the girls, kissing their cheeks and we all headed inside.
Esme didn't disappoint and she even smacked my hand when I finished putting the
food down. But she quickly followed it by a hug that seemed a little too long for a
"thank you for bring pies."
Thanksgiving was amazing. We spent all day eating and laughing. It was nice for
everything to feel so natural, to have things progress so normally. It wasn't until
after dinner that I had even realized there wasn't any alcohol anywhere. It had been
such commonplace for there to be a bottle of wine on the table for these types of
dinners in my family. I had assumed that it was the same in Edward's also.
I smiled at my family, wrapped in my man's arms, completely content in the new
normal. I didn't think that Edward would abstain from alcohol forever, but I was
completely content with the fact that it could be possible-depending on what he
thought was best for him.
In the days following, we fell back into our routine. Edward had work, therapy,
meetings and music. It was his newest outlet.
He would strum on a guitar for hours, trying to learn the notes, perfect the way
his fingers moved over the strings and frets. I could sit for hours and watch him,
even if it didn't sound all that great at first.
I was starting to get into a nice swing, in regards to the paperwork involved with
such a multifaceted business. I spent a lot of time in the office, on the phone with
tour managers and suppliers.
We had been lucky enough to book Bullet For My Valentine for shortly after the
New Year, which was a huge boost in my confidence. It was a huge score for our
little bar. It was also the first band to come in that Edward would be at the bar for
since everything happened.
He'd spoke at great lengths with his therapist and it was decided that he'd have a
trial run, see how things played out.
- 142 -
It was only a few days before Christmas when Edward found me typing away in an
Excel spreadsheet, trying to figure out how on earth I was going to get everything
ready in time for tax season.
"I just got a call from the Flint police department. They spotted James downtown,
but he got away. They just called to let us know that he's in the area, but that they're
doing everything they can to catch him."
My stomach dropped into my toes, and my first thought was Rose.
"I need to call-" I started but he cut me off.
"Already done. Emmett said that they got the same call we did. Rose is fine; she
said that he could try that shit again if he wanted but that he'd have the shock of his
life. Apparently, Emmett bought her a Taser. I'm not all that sure I would trust Rose
with a Taser, but whatever makes him feel better I guess," Edward said with a
laugh.
I knew he could see the worry on my face because he moved closer pulling me into
his arms.
"I will never allow anything to happen to you. The same goes for Emmett. He'd kill
that fucker before he'd let him get a breath on Rose."
His reassurance helped, but it didn't take away all of the nervousness.
- 143 -
Drunk On You
Girl, you make my speakers go boom boom
Dancin' on the tailgate in a full moon
That kinda thing makes a man go mmm hmmm
You're lookin' so good in what's left of those blue jeans
Drip of honey on the money make her gotta be
The best buzz I'm ever gonna find
Hey, I'm a little drunk on you
And high on summertime
~Luke Bryan
EPOV
It barely fit onto my pinky finger, the little, shiny band stopping at my knuckle. I
twirled the diamond around with my thumb as I signed paychecks for the next day,
going back and forth between signing and imputing numbers into the computer
system Bella had set up. It was the first time she trusted me to do anything with it,
the control freak she was.
The bass was rumbling through the walls from sound check, throwing my
concentration off even more. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I
wanted to avoid a bunch of pissed off employees, tomorrow when they didn't have
money for the weekend there would be chaos.
"What's that?" Alice said, scaring the shit out of me.
I flung my hands up off the computer keys and the ring flew into the air, coming
back down to land next to the screen. The clinking of the metal against the wood
could be heard despite the loud music.
"Fuck, Alice, don't you know how to knock?" My chair slammed into the wall as I
- 144 -
stood up, snatching the ring back into my hand quickly, trying in vain to hide the
evidence of my epic fucking failure to pull the trigger.
"I do, but as you know, I don't always follow the rules. You're just lucky I wasn't
Bella. You plan on giving that to her soon?" She sat down across from me, rubbing
her belly. She looked like she was in costume all covered up in maternity clothes,
but with the baby due soon, she was bigger than her little shorts would allow for.
"Yeah, should have done it a long time ago..."I trailed off. I'd been holding onto
the damned thing for months, but it never felt right. Christmas was too busy, New
Year's too expected, Valentine's Day too cheesy. It had been so long, and I was still
trying to find the right time, the right place, and the right words to get her to say
yes. I wanted her to have a memory worth having.
Plus, my mom and Bella's dad were the only ones who knew I even had the ring.
My mom was on top of me to ask her, coming up with all her own ideas. Charlie
hadn't brought it up again since after the day I had asked him, being much more
patient. It had to be a guy thing.
"She's going to say yes," Alice said, picking the ring up out of my hand. It was
simple, the band thin and twisted to hold the single round diamond, with little
diamonds encrusted into the twisting white gold. It would look perfect on Bella's
hand.
"I love how you think you know everything, Alice. Is that the reason you decided
you aren't going to find out the sex of the baby? Do you already know, oh wise one?"
I asked with a small laugh, even though I was annoyed, mostly with myself, for being
such a chicken shit.
"There aren't enough moments in life where you are truly surprised, with no
forewarning at all. This is one of those times, and I'm going to take it, smartass."
She walked out of the office with that know-it-all smile, wiggling her fingers at me as
she closed the door.
I thought about what Alice had said and realized that there wasn't a perfect
moment; it would happen without any thought, I just had to give it some time. So in
the mean time, the ring would stay in my pocket, just in case.
I finished the paperwork and went out to check on the bands. Since it was Country
Night, we had a much different crowd expected to walk through the doors. Instead
of Doc Martens and tattoos, there would be cowboy boots and button downs neatly
tucked into denim. And huge belt buckles...there would definitely be a few huge belt
- 145 -
buckles.
The guys from Florida Georgia Line and the headliner, Luke Bryan, were all out
with the crew going over lighting and checking the sound. Various guitar riffs filled
the small space. Because the building was so small, the sound quality was
important.
"All set, doors open in thirty," Jasper said, running his hand through his much
shorter hair. He'd cut it all off for a charity fundraiser we'd hosted a few months
back, getting a lot of money to chop the ponytail off. Alice decided that night she
loved it short, so he had been rocking a close cut buzz cut ever since.
"Hey," I whispered against Bella's neck, my arms looping around her bared waist.
We had lost a couple waitresses over the last couple months, so Bella was picking up
shifts when needed. The Shop crew was ever changing since most people didn't go
into waitressing or bartending as a lifelong career goal.
"I can't wait to get you home tonight," I said, running my hands over her exposed
thighs. She was in the typical country night attire. Tiny jean shorts, cropped flannel
shirt and boots.
"How did payroll go? Was the software easy to use?" she asked, effectively
changing the subject. She flushed with embarrassment every time I would grope her
in front of the staff. She had started to take the whole finical manager position thing
pretty seriously, worried people would treat her poorly if they saw her "all up" on
the boss. Her words, not mine.
"It was pretty easy, but I like when you do payroll better. It gives me a headache,"
I said, rubbing my temples.
"Awe, poor baby," she cooed, kissing my cheek as she walked behind the bar.
Soon the room was filled with good ol' boys, beers in hand and shitkickers on their
feet. Florida Georgia Line filled the room with a rocker/rap country style that was
unlike anything I'd ever heard. We'd definitely have to get them back on our stage
soon. Even their guitarist would blend in any night of the week, covered in tattoos
and rocking a blond Mohawk.
The crowd was easy going, people dancing with their women, hoots and hollers
filling the air as the band moved into a different song. I was always amazed at how
great the Country Night crowd could be.
- 146 -
As the band left the stage, the women in crowd moved in closer, getting ready for
Luke Bryan. Most likely wanting to get close enough to grab at him. They could get
vicious and I wouldn't be surprised if I heard some of these guys wore a cup on
stage.
As he took the stage, everyone roared at a deafening level. He played upbeat
country that caused people to sway with the beat and clap their hands. I swear I
even saw someone doing a jig of sorts. But then suddenly he slowed things down to
a song that reminded me so much of Bella that I searched the crowd so that I could
get my hands on her.
Spotting near the merchandise area, I made my way over, pulling her back to my
chest and burying my face into her hair.
We started to sway to the music, dancing together slowly. Her hips moving
against mine started thoughts I shouldn't have in a room full of people. Her hands
ran up and down my forearms before linking her fingers with mine, turning her head
to kiss my lips softly.
"Well if you ain't a ten, you're a 9.9," I sang against her mouth with smirk, making
her laugh a little. She turned back towards the stage, and I sang the lyrics into her
ear. As the song ended, she turned in my arms, locking her hands around my neck.
"I knew under all those tattoos there was a country boy just dying to get out," she
joked.
"You wanna see country, I'll show you country," I said, pulling her impossibly
closer.
"Oh, really? And how are you going to do that?" she asked, smiling up at me.
"I think another trip to Harrison is called for. You can see what we do up there in
the country, how real country boys have a good time."
Her smile was mega watt, and the twinkle in her eyes told me that she couldn't be
happier to be invited back to my hometown. Now I just had to make the plans.
BPOV
"So, what is the plan exactly?" I asked as I slid into the car.
"You'll see when we get there," he replied with a smirk, placing a bag in my lap.
- 147 -
"Open it and tell me what you think."
I pulled a shoebox out of the bag and opened it to find boots, like, really ugly
boots. Boots a person would wear to go to work or something but uglier.
"Umm, thanks, I guess," I said, finding it impossible to sound grateful for the gift.
Of course, he just laughed, throwing his head back.
"You don't have to like them, trust me, where we're going they won't need to be
cute. Actually, I think you'd be even sadder if you liked them."
I hated surprises, hated the idea that I was going into a weekend where I could
end up camping in the middle of nowhere, shitting in a hole in the ground and trying
to pee in the woods. I had never been good at that; somehow I always ended up with
piss on me. I was a city girl, through and through.
"Bella baby," Esme said as she pulled me into a hug. I loved visiting Edward's
parents, feeling like they were family already, even if I'd only known Edward a little
less than a year.
"What are the plans for Edward's birthday in a few weeks?" I asked in a whisper
since he was distracted, talking with his dad.
"Oh, I hadn't really thought about it too much. He doesn't like to make a big deal,
and thirty-one isn't really anything to fuss about, right? I'm sure we'll just do a small
dinner here at the house. I'll make him a cake. Plus, Alice is due so soon, so who
knows, we might just have to spend it at the hospital with her."
Just the mere thought of Alice having the baby out shadowed Edward's birthday.
And I couldn't even find it in myself to feel bad about that.
"So Rose and Emmett will be here later. We should try to get some sleep tonight
because tomorrow will be an early start," Edward announced, pulling me into the
house.
We had a quiet dinner with his parents and then called it a night, cuddling
together in his childhood bed. I'd fallen asleep fast, only to be woken up with a
heavy weight on top of me.
"Edward, come on, get off, I'm not in the mood. I need a few more minutes of
sleep," I whined.
- 148 -
"Come on, Bella, you're ruining all my fun," Emmett said with a laugh, thrusting
his hips, causing the whole bed to shake.
"Fuck, Em, get off me," I yelled, pushing at his chest and laughing, which
completely defeated the purpose because that just made him do it faster.
Both Rose and Edward were standing near the bed laughing.
"Fine, I'm getting up," I moaned, looking over to see the clock. It was barely seven
in the morning.
Emmett jumped up off of me, running from to room in fear of retaliation, I was
sure of it.
I hurried through a shower and pulled my hair up. Rose had laid clothes on the
bed, since she knew what we were doing. I seemed to be the only one out of the
loop.
Cutoff jean shorts and an old t-shirt of Edward's were laying on the bed, so I
pulled everything on, tying the tee in the back. I pulled thick socks on and the ugly
boots. I looked like a trucker and I wasn't sure I wanted to be seen in public looking
like I did.
Luckily, Rose was dressed the same.
"Let's go!" Emmett yelled, practically running towards the door.
When I stepped outside, I noticed two Jeeps, both with huge tires and mud all over
them.
"What the hell?" I asked, spinning around to see all of them with huge smiles.
"We're going to Rocks and Valleys. It's an off-roading park. Pretty much the best
fucking adrenaline rush you can get around here," Emmett said, hopping into the
red Jeep.
Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the blue Jeep, helping me buckle
in, which was completely unnecessary.
The drive over was short, since the town wasn't that big, despite the fact that the
park was on the other side.
- 149 -
As we pulled in, I could see woods, hills, and a ton of mud since it had just been
raining for days on end. Edward insisted that May was the best time to go since
getting muddy was one of the best parts. I rolled my eyes, thinking it was such a
man thing to say something like that.
After the guys talked to the management and got the Jeeps ready to go, Edward
helped me get into the five-point harness that was attached to the seats. There
weren't any actual doors on the Jeep, so I was happy to have the added security.
"So you guys had these specially made for this?" I asked as he clicked the buckles.
"Yeah, ever since they put this in a few years back people have been flocking to it.
It's a good time, and some of the hills are a challenge to figure out how to get up. I
promise you'll have fun. You trust me, right?" he asked, looking up through his
lashes.
"Irrevocably," I replied, kissing him lightly.
He pulled some stuff out of his pockets, his wallet and phone from what I could
see, and put them in the oversized glove box, along with my purse. Then we followed
Emmett and Rose into the trails. Rose was screaming out at all the other guys on the
trails, and I was glad that we didn't bring anything to drink. All we needed was for
her to get arrested for indecent exposure or something equally fitting.
At first it was just a bumpy ride, causing me to laugh uncontrollably as I bounced
around in my seat, trying not to bite my tongue. Then we started to climb bigger
hills, kicking mud all over the place.
"Edward, I swear to God we're going to flip!" I squealed, gripping onto the handle
near my head, clenching my eyes closed. He just laughed and continued to climb.
After we tackled some pretty massive rocks and hills, I became more comfortable
with it. But, of course, just as I started to let my guard down, Emmett gunned his
engine and kicked a shit ton of mud at us, covering me from head to toe.
"I'm going to kill you!" I screamed as he took off down a hill. Edward and I were in
hot pursuit and cornered them at a trailhead. I unstrapped myself as quickly as I
could, jumped out and started tossing mud, hitting Rose in the back of the head as
she tried to run. She turned with an evil look in her eyes and picked up a huge
handful of mud. I screamed and ran, but not fast enough.
Before I knew it, we were in a full-fledged mud fight. I even got Emmett on the
- 150 -
ground, tackling him from behind. When I had him pinned down on his stomach, I
knew I didn't have much time before he got out from under me, so I started to dry
hump him like he'd done to me that morning, telling him to call me mommy. He was
laughing so hard he could barely breathe, not even trying to move.
"Pervert, you liked it," I yelled, slapping him in the back of the head.
"Hey, you're the one humping me, you perv. Eddie, you better keep this one," he
said as he pushed me off of him. I landed with a splat on my butt. Edward helped me
up and pulled me into his arms, kissing me, even though both of our mouths were
covered in dirt.
"I love you," I said against his lips, almost brought to tears by the love I felt inside
my chest.
"I love you, too, more than anything," he replied, running his fingers down from
my temple to my jaw, taking a huge breath like he was having a hard time filling his
lungs properly.
"I don't ever want this to end, Bella," he said, so much emotion suddenly in his
voice.
"It won't," I promised, knowing I would do anything to keep it. Anything to keep
him.
"Marry me," he whispered, gripping my hips tighter, pulling me closer.
"What?" I asked, unsure if I'd heard him correctly.
"I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, Bella, will
you marry me?" he asked, unshed tears filling both our eyes.
"Oh my God," I whispered in shock. "Of course, oh my God...YES!" I screamed,
wrapping my legs around his waist and crying into his muddy neck. He held me,
whispering thank you over and over, like he was worried I'd say no, which was just
silly.
Suddenly, he was pulling away from me and he took off running towards the Jeep.
Seconds later he was back in front of me sliding the most beautiful diamond onto my
dirty hand. The glimmer from it even brighter against the muddy background of my
skin.
- 151 -
"Did you plan this?" I asked, surprised that he had a ring with him, here in this
dirty place.
"I've been carrying this around for six months waiting for the perfect moment. I
found it, finally, and now I can get that ring out of my pocket and on your hand
where it's supposed to be," he said, kissing the ring and my finger.
Rose and Emmett were both watching with huge smiles, the energy radiating off
of them. I screamed, Rose squealed, and we ran into each other's arms crying about
the fact that I was getting married. Jumping around and yelling like high-schoolers
as Emmet and Edward did the man hug thing, making us look like crazy people.
"Okay guys, smile," Rose said, pulling me back towards Edward.
So standing in Edward's hometown, covered in mud, with a diamond on my filthy
hand, I smiled at the camera with my arms wrapped around the man that I was
going to marry.
The smell of fuel was in my nose as I looked down at the sparkly ring on my hand.
After spending more time on the hills, we had a celebratory dinner at the Cullen's
house where I found my parents had driven up last minute to attend, along with
Jasper and Alice.
Edward and I had called our parents from the off-roading park to fill them in on
the news. In the matter of hours, Esme had a full out engagement dinner prepared.
Now, it was back to normal life in Flint, except for the wedding planning. Even
though the date that we'd chosen was still over a year away, that didn't stop all the
women in my life from thinking that planning couldn't start soon enough.
The click of the gas nozzle turning off pulled me from my diamond admiration. I
needed to hurry home since the ice cream sitting in the passenger seat was quickly
softening. Alice would have my head if I didn't get it dropped off as soon as possible.
As I put the fuel nozzle back in its place I noticed a head of blond hair. The person
was walking out from behind the gas station and started towards a dark alley across
the street. I knew that face anywhere.
James.
I was surprised he was still in town, since he hadn't been picked up yet. And even
more surprised to find him so close to the place that he'd once owned, a place where
- 152 -
people knew his face.
I pulled my phone from my back pocket and dialed Edward's number as I followed
him across the street. The call went to voicemail and I hung up, not leaving a
message.
I weaved in and out of the shadows as he turned into a large, abandoned
warehouse. Because of the Michigan economy, it wasn't an uncommon thing to find
empty buildings and houses filled with homeless people.
I typed 911 into my phone and waited to be prompted by the operator.
"911, where is your emergency?"
"The Speedway gas station on Dort Highway near East Second Street," I told the
dispatcher.
"And what's the emergency, ma'am?" she asked.
"I just spotted James Cameron. He's wanted for assault. I don't know if he's armed
or anything, but he's in a warehouse across the street. Hurry," I replied, cowering
down next to a dumpster.
"We have officers on the way, please stay on the line until they get there, can I
have your name and number in case we get disconnected," she said, clicking of
keyboard keys could be heard in that background. I gave her what she asked for and
stood up to see if I could spot him inside the building.
There was no movement so I started to walk back towards the gas station, worried
about being alone in an alley so far away from the traffic and people. It wasn't an
unfounded fear because suddenly my face was pressed against the rough brick and
my phone was pulled from my hand.
"Hey, Bella, so nice to see you again," James said against my throat as one hand
wrapped tightly around it, the other covering my mouth. I could feel the brick
cutting into my skin and smell the alcohol on his breath.
I didn't say a word against his palm, trying not to move too much so I wouldn't use
too much energy. He started talking about crazy things. Things he'd done to other
women, what he would do to me, how Rose was going to die. Tears fell down my
face as he moved his hand from my throat to my arm, spinning me to face him,
moving to put a hand over my mouth again.
- 153 -
That was his first mistake, because the moment I was out of his grasp, I flung my
head forward, hitting my forehead against his nose as hard as I could. Blood gushed
down his face as I hit the ground, completely dizzy from the impact.
I tried to get up and run, knowing I needed to get away, but my legs wouldn't
work, and then he was on top of me. His hands wrapped around my throat again,
this time with the intention of strangulation.
The sound of sirens was my only saving grace. Hurry was my last thought as I lost
consciousness.
- 154 -
Epi: Your Guardian Angel
Kas90 betas
Mary prereads
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
~The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
BPOV
My palms were sweating and the little moon shaped indents from my jagged,
bitten nails were starting to hurt. But, completely out of my control, I couldn't get
my fingers to relax. The tension in my shoulders caused a quiver to run down my
back. I hurt all over, wracked with nerves that seemed to be multiplying like cancer
through my body.
That sudden quiver was what finally got Edward's attention; he was busy focusing
on what the prosecutor was telling us. He slid his hands into mine, separating my
fingers in an almost painful way, since they had been so tight for so long.
"You got this, it's going to be okay," he whispered into my hair, kissing my temple.
- 155 -
There were so many people milling around the courthouse halls, so many of them
unaware of the face-off that was about to happen. It had been months since I'd seen
James' face, months since he had his hands around my neck, and here I was, sitting
on a hard wooden bench waiting to retell the story of what happened.
"Miss Swan, all you need to do is answer the questions honestly. You have nothing
to hide and the defense knows this. They'll try to trip you up, but just stay strong. I'll
see you in there," Mr. Nahuel said with a faint accent. He sounded kind of like Matt
Damon did in that soccer movie and I think he'd said something about being from
South America originally. Whatever the accent was, it was soothing.
After giving me a look of confidence and a pat on the shoulder, he started to walk
towards the double doors that I'd have to make my way through soon.
And then it began...
We were lead into the court room, sitting behind the prosecutor's desk, standing
when the judge entered. James was hauled in, covered in a dark blue jump suit,
shackles holding his hands and feet together. He sneered at me, knowing that I
would be the nail in his coffin. The judge stated the date and case for the lady typing
off to the side of the room, then started the process.
Rose had taken the stand days earlier, retelling her brutal beating, her fear of
dying, and the fact that she was now physically healed but would forever be
mentally scared. The defense couldn't find a character witness because at the end of
the day, James didn't have a single characteristic that was redeemable. There were
other women that testified, each one sinking his ship even more.
With a deep breath and a small kiss from Edward, I took the stand, pointed James
out as my attacker looking him dead in the eyes. I wasn't going to fear a man who
lived his life the way he did. I retold the things he said to me. The gloating about
rape and cruelty against the girls that worked for him. How I woke in the hospital
barely able to speak because of the severity of how bruised and swollen my neck
was. After it was all said and done, I took Edward's hand and walked out, putting
James behind me. The defense decided against asking me any questions, since
Rose's testimony could have ended the entire trial.
"What now?" Edward asked as we got into the car.
"I wanna go see baby Drew."
He turned out of the parking lot and head towards Alice and Jasper's. Alice ended
- 156 -
up going over her due date by over a week and had Andrew Michael Whitlock a
week before Edward's birthday. We spent his birthday having a low key dinner,
holding the baby until he was so spoiled he would scream if we put him down.
Edward and I decided that August would be the last month I took birth control,
just in time for our September wedding. We wanted a family, even more now after
watching Alice and Jasper with Drew. So I had ten months left. I couldn't wait.
October was busy at The Shop, but full of laughs, since Alice and Jasper
trick-or-treated with four month old Drew in red and white footie pajamas. Jasper
pulled the Goblin King off almost as well as Bowie.
November comprised of a ton of family time with Thanksgiving and the Marine
Corps birthday. We visited the Crowley's and Tyler, which is always bitter sweet.
Mrs. Crowley was so excited to hear about our plans for kids and she picked my
brain about every wedding detail I had, which wasn't much since it was being
planned mostly by Rose and Esme.
December was the best month of the year aside from June and Drew's birth,
because James was sentenced with multiple charges that totaled a minimum of
twelve years in prison. Rose and I held hands during the sentencing and cried
together when it was all over. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present.
And when I kissed Edward at midnight on New Year Eve, I smiled against his mouth.
"We're getting married this year, hopefully starting a family...I couldn't ask for
more than I have now," I whispered, pulling him closer and tuning out the sounds of
the celebrating crowd that filled our bar.
"We should head home soon. Practice makes perfect, you know, and I want to
make sure we perfect our technique for September," he replied with a grin,
"because what better way to consummate out marriage than having a honeymoon
baby."
Hand in hand we walked out of our bar, got into our car, and head to our
home...so ready to truly start our lives together.
Holy crap...I have finished my last fanfiction. I CANNOT tell you how much
I loved writing everything I have written and how much I have loved getting
to know the great people I have been lucky enough to know. I don't think
that I can think of everyone, but everyone knows who they are and why I love
them. It's bitter sweet, but I'm so excited to close the chapter on this part of
my life. This was my outlet during nursing school and I'm finally winding
- 157 -
down and taking boards in August for my RN...maybe now I'll have time to
research and write something I can truly call mine.
Mary, I love you and you know it...Kate...my dear Kate, thanks for taking
so many of my words and making them something even better...I adore you!
THANK YOU FOR READING...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
- 158 -
Document Outline
- Title Page
- Copyright Page
- Table of Contents
- Summary
- 1. Buried Alive
- 2. Welcome to the Family
- 3. Simple Man
- 4. Fake It
- 5. Monster You Made Me
- 6. Breaking Inside
- 7. Life Starts Now
- 8. Let The Flames Begin
- 9. Fallin' Faster
- 10. Future in the End
- 11. Lost In You
- 12. Break
- 13. Without You
- 14. Never Too Late
- 15. Drunk On You
- 16. Epi: Your Guardian Angel
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