AloneWiththeBestFriend

SummerWynter

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theageofconsentandareatleast21yearsofage.

I'mjustyournormal,everydaywomanwhocan'tgetenoughoutoflife.Whenitcomestowriting,Ienjoy
storiesaboutcoupleswhojustcan'tsayno,evenwhenlifesaysthattheyshould.

Comegetpassionatewithmeandseewheremydirtylittlemindcantakeyou.

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Melody

Ishouldn'twanthim,butwhenhelooksatmethatwayitbringsmetomyknees.

WhenJacksayshe'sbringinghisroommatehomewithhimoverhiscollegesummerbreak,Ididn'tthink
anythingaboutit.Ithoughtitwouldbeniceforhimtohavesomeonetohangoutwithotherthanhistired,
singlemom.

ThenIsawEthan.

Ethan

IknowIcan'ttouchher,buteverytimeshesmilesatmeIwanttobackherupagainstawall.

WhenmyroommateJackasksifIwanttoridehomewithhimforthesummerbreak,Ihadnowhereelseto
go.Myexhadourson,andthere'snofamilyleftforme.Ifiguredit'dpassthetimeandgetmefreefood.

ThenIsawMelody.

Twopeoplewantingwhattheycannot,shouldnot,have.Whatwillhappenaftertheonekissthat
theybothcan'tstop?

ChapterOne

Iputthelastofthebedlinensintothewasherandsetthetemperaturecontrol.Inaweek,mysonJack
wouldbehomeforthesummerandIneededtogetthehousebackinorderfromthechaositcurrentlywas
in.I'dbeenenjoyingmytimealone,andthehouse'susualrigidsystemofcleanlinesshadgonebythe
waysideintheprocess.

LatelyI'dbeenstayingupallhoursofthenightandsleepinguntilnearlylunch.WhileIcouldtellyouthat
IwasenjoyingfineliteratureorwritingthenextGreatAmericanNovel,Iwon'tlie.I'vebeenboundtothe
internetfarmorethanIeverwasasawifeorasasinglemother.NowthatJackwasincollege,timewas
somethingIhadinspades.

I'dmarriedyoung.Jack'sfatherRussellwasmyhighschoolboyfriendwhosworehelovedmewhenhe
proposedshortlyafterfindingoutIwaspregnant.We'dmarriedonthecourthousestepsamonthbeforehe
setoffforcollege,leavingmetoraisetheboyforfouryearsonmyown.Whencollegewasdone,he'd
comehomeforalittlewhileandwe'dfoundashabbyapartmentwecouldafford.

Itwasacycle.He'dcomehomelongenoughtorealizethatraisingachildwasn'tforhim,andthenfindan
excusetoleaveagain.Whenthatexcusecouldn'tbeschool,it'dbeenbusinessmeetingsandweekend
conferences.Attheveryendofthemarriage,afternearly20yearsofthinkingitwouldchange,thefinal
excusehadbeenJessica,hisintern.TodayhemakesaveryhealthylivingastheCEOofapharmaceutical
company,yethardlyevertouchesbasetoseehowhissonis.Thereisnoalimonyandnochildsupport,
leavingmetodowhatIneedtodotoputfoodonthetableandwritethecheckstokeepJackinhisfirst
choicecollege.

SowhileIhadn'tbeendivorcedbutafewyears,ithasalwaysfeltlikeI'veraisedJackalone.

Thehighpitchedshrillofthedryeralarmsignaledmethatitwastimetofinishup.Igrabbedthecream
coloredEgyptiancottonsheetsoutofthedryerwhiletheywerestillwarmtospreadacrosshisoldbed.I
hadn'tchangedathinginhisroom,leavingitwiththesamegamingconsoleseverywhere.Wheneverhe
camehome,he'dretreathereforawhileandgameallnightlong,remindingmeoftheboyhewasbefore
graduation.

Iranmyhandstowardeachcornertosmoothoutthewrinklesasmycellphonebegantheshort
introductionofmyfavoriteRobZombiesong.Whoisthisirresistiblecreaturewhohasaninsatiable
loveforthedead?Hey,justbecauseI'mthemomofacollegeagedson,doesn'tmeanIstillhavetolisten
to80'shairbands.

Idon'tevengetachancetosay'Hello'beforehe'stalking,fastandexcited.

"Hey,Mom,doyoucareifIbringsomeonewithme?"Hisvoiceismeekasifhe'safraidofmyanswer.
Thefactthathewaiteduntiltheverylastminutetoaskdoesn'tescapeme.

"Whoisshe?"Ithadtobeagirl,there'snowayhe'dbeactinglikethisotherwise.

"It'snotagirl,Mother,"hesays,withjustahintofexasperation.

"Thenwhyareyoumakingitsuchabigdeal?"

"It'sjustEthan,myroommate.Hedoesn'treallyhaveafamilytogohometoandhis...,"apause,justfora
momentbeforeheadds,"otherplansfellthrough."

"Dearyoucaninvitewhomeveryou'dlike.I'llgofixuptheguestroomsothatyouguyshaveplentyof
room.I'llseeyouinaweek,Muffin."

Icanliterallyhearhimrollinghiseyesatbeingcalled'Muffin',anoldchildhoodnickname."Bye,Mom."

Igrabanothersetofsheets,afewpillows,andacomforterfromthehallclosetandgettoworkinthe
guestroom.WhileJack'sroomisontheothersideofthehouse,theguestroomisadjacenttothemaster
suite.AsI'mtuckingincornersandputtingpillowcasesonthepillows,IcanonlyhopethatJack's
roommatewillbequiethere.

I'vealwaysbeenalightsleeper,wakingupwiththebaresthintofsoundormovement.Havingsomeone
literallyafewfeetawayfrommybedroomdoorfortheentiresummersoundslikeawholelotof
insomniatome.IcanonlyhopeI'mwrong.

Andthensomethingelsehitsme.Thesamething,butinreverse.I'mnormally--what'sthenicewaytoput
it?--vocalwhenI'mhavingmyownpersonal,privatetime.Havingthehousetomyselfallowsmetoyell
outanythingIfeellikeduringrelease.WithEthanrightnextdoor,I'mgoingtohavetotemperthat.

Damnit.

ItrytorememberanythingJackhassaidtomeabouthisroommate,butforthelifeofmecan'tremembera
thing.Onlythatheandhislongtimegirlfriendhadsplitupatthebeginningofthesemesterandthat
afterward,himandJackhadspentmoretimetogetherhangingout.Afewweekendsduringthattime,
they'dalsogoneoutwithsomeonenamedCole,whoseemedlikeagoodguybecausehealwayshadtoget
backearly.

ItwashimandEthanthatwerebestfriends,sinceorientationthatfirstdayofcollege.Colewasrarely
talkedaboutandonlylately,usuallyasthesourceoftheirplanschanging.

DonewiththeguestroomandnowbotheredIcan'tremembermoreabouttheguymysonisbringinghome
inaweek,Igotothekitchencounterandturnonthemainhousecomputer.Itissafeandsecureforanyone
touseandhasabrowserhistorythatwillmakeapriestproud.Needlesstosay,itisvastlydifferentthan
mybedroomlaptop.

ChapterTwo

Oneweeklater...

I'vejustenoughtimetograbaquickshowernowthatI'mhomefromthemarket.Thehousefinallylooks
likehumanslivethereandI'vebarelyanhourbeforeJackandEthanarrive.Itriedagain,unsuccessfully,
toseeaboutpickingthemupattheairport,buthe'dhavenoneofthat.

"Mother,Iamperfectlycapableofgettingataxitothehouse.There'sreallynosenseinyoupickingus
up."

Icouldn'ttellifhewasactuallyassuminggrownupresponsibilitiesorifhewasashamedofme.Thelast
timehe'dseenmebeforeheheadedofftoUCLAIwastwentypoundsheavierandwhileweSkype
frequentlyhe'donlyseenmefromtheneckup.There'ssomethingaboutyourprideandjoypackinga
suitcaseandheadingofftocollegetwothousandmilesawayfromyou.Forme,whenfacedwiththat,I
decidedtodevotethatfreetimeandextrahousespacetogettingmyselfinshape.Iwasn'tgoingtojust
muddlethroughtherestofmylife,Iwasgoingtoliveittothefullest.

Islidmyhanddowntheskinnyjeansthatwereafulltwosizessmallerthanthelasttimehewashere,
proudofmynewfigure.Thecurveswerestillthere,roundedandfull,buteverythingelsewasfirmer,
tighterthanbefore.

"Okay,fine,youwin,justmakesurethatyoutworemembertotakeoffyourshoesbeforecomingintothe
house.Ijusthadthecarpetsshampooed."

"Noproblem,seeyousoon."Andwiththat,theconnectionhadclickedoff.

****

Ididonelastlookthroughthehousemakingsureeverythingwasinitsplace.Ithadbeenalongroadto
gettothispointintime.Whileitwasn'tsobadraisingJackwhenmyparentswerealivetowatchhim
whileIworkedtwojobstoaffordthishouseandextras,aftertheirdeathitwasabitmoredifficult.Ihad
toleavemyjobsandfindacompanythatneededtelecommuters.Whenthatdidn'tbringinenoughtotake
careofthetuitionforUCLA,Jack'sdreamschool,Ireliedonsidegigs.

"Sidegigs."Ilaughtomyself.JackoncehadaskedaboutthatandItoldhimthatIpickedupsmalljobs
fromdifferentcompaniesfromtimetotimetobringinextramoney.HeknewIwasacopywriterfrom
agesago,soheneverquestionedit.Idon'tknowwhatIwouldhavedonehadhepressedtheissue.

Ifliponmylaptopandscrolltomyschedule,makingsurethatIhadrememberedtoclearmycalendarfor
thenextfewdays.Iwantedthingstofallinplaceforthesummerwithouttheworryofaclientmessaging
me.AnotherperkofallthatweightlosswasthatIwasinprettygooddemandasawebcamoperator.In
fact,Iwasinthetop5camgirlsintheMILFcategoryatthesite.Iseemedespeciallypopularwithone
particularviewer,Battleship8.He'dloggedintoseemeforthepastcoupleofmonths,alwaystipping

wellafterwards.

Ioftenimaginedhimandhisgenerosityasadistinguishedbusinessman,perhapsasinglefatherwho
workslateandbarelyhastimetodate.Someonewhoappreciatedanolderwomanandhadthemoneyto
spendfreelyonher.Thereweretimeswhenhistipsalonecouldpaythecablebillforthemonth.Inmy
mind,hissilverlockscurledaroundhisear,withstubblepepperinghisfirmjaw.

Sigh.Itdidn'tmatterwhathelookedlikethough,itwashiswaywithwordsthatsentshockwavesthrough
menightafternight.

Ineversawtheviewers,onlytheirchatlogtome.They,inturn,sawallofme,spreadoutonthespecial
comforterIkeepstuffedinthebackoftheclosetthatIonlyusedonline.InthebeginningIhadusedamask
totrytokeepmyselfpartiallyhidden,afraidthatsomeoneIknewwouldseeme.Afterawhile,that
feelingwentawayandIjustdidmything.Asyougetolder,youtendtoletgoabitmore.Besides,ifthey
weretuningintoasexcamshow,theyreallycan'tpointandjudgemeforbeingtheircamgirl,right?

Itwasthissidegigthatbroughtinasmuchasmyentireother,moresociallyaccepted,job.Enoughto
makesurethatJackcouldstayatUCLAandnothavetoworryaboutanythingotherthangettinggood
gradesandnotgettingintotoomuchtrouble.

Igoaheadandwipeanotherweekoffthecalendarforgoodmeasure,makingsurethattheboyshavetime
tosettleinandeverything.IcouldalwaysadditbackinlatershouldIneedtoo.

ChapterThree

JackandEthanarrivejustasIslidethecasseroleandfreshyeastbreadintotheoven.Inaboutanhouror
less,dinnerwillbeonthetableandreadytoeat.I'mwipingmyhandsontheflour-coveredapronIwear
astheycomeinside.

"HeyMom,we'rehere,"Jackyells,notexpectingmetobethereinthekitchen.Ididn'tcookmuchbefore
heleftoutforschool,relyingontakeoutmostnights.Seeingmehereinfull-onMommodeprobably
freakshimout.

"Hey,honey,howwasyourtrip?"Isay,raisingmyheaduptoseenotonlyhislankyframecomingintothe
hall,butthetalldark-hairedmanbehindhim.IwanttobelieveI'mnotlickingmylips,butIwouldn't
placeabetonthat.

Ethanistall,atleastsixfoot,withdarkhairandeyesandasmatteringoffacialhairthatcreatedthe
perfectstubble.Nottoolong,nottoothinorsparse,thekindwherehelookslikehe'dgiveyourthighsa
rugburnjustfromgoingdownonyou.

"....butthankfullywelandedfineattheairport."

Shit,Itotallydidn'thearawordJacksaidtome.Andevenmoreconcerning,Ethanisstaringatmeasif
I'vegrownathirdhead.DidItweezemybrowsasymmetrical?Istheresomethinginmyteeth?God
forbid,istheresomethinginmynose?

Iextendahandouttohim,"It'sgoodtofinallymeetyou,Ethan."

Hestillhasthatdeerinheadlightslooktohimbutnodstomeasheshakesmyhand.

Forsuchagorgeousman,hissocialskillssuck.

***
TheboystaketheirtimeunloadingtheirsuitcasesandIprepalargesaladforusalltoshareassomething
totideusoveruntilthefoodisready.AllthroughslicingthevegetablesandputtingwhatsaladdressingI
haveoutonthetable,EthanispeeringatmewiththemostquizzicallookI'veeverseen.It'slikeacross
betweenachildholdingontoadelicioussecretandyourbestfrienddebatingontellingyousomething
theyknowyouaren'tgoingtolike.

IgetthetablesetandcallthemtocomeeatsomethingastheyboltfromJack'sroom.They'relaughing
aboutsomethingthatclearlyisn'tmeantforme,becauseJackgetsquietassoonashe'sinthehallway,his
faceblushing.Thereisapartofmethatwantstoknowandyetabiggerpartthatjustwantstostayinthe
darkaboutitallandhavehimstaymylittleboyforever.

"Comeon,boys,"Ibegin,"Iknowitisn'tmuch,butitwillkeepyoufromdyingbeforedinnertime."

"Looksgreattome,Mrs.Fisher,"Ethansaystome,"Letmehelpyouwiththesaladbowl."Ashewalks

upbehindme,hisstrongarmswraparoundmetograspthebowl.Whenhismouthgetsrightatmyear,he
whispers'Battleship8'.

Idon'tthinkIactuallyturnedgreen,butIfeltlikeIdid.

"Youokay,Mom?"Jackasksme,concerned.

"Ohyes,fine,fine,"Ilie,"Ijustrememberedsomething,that'sall."

ChapterFour

Istilldon'tknowhowImanagedtomakeitthroughthemeal,thecleanupafterwards,andretreattomy
roomwithouthavingamajornervousbreakdown.EvenafterIlearnedmyhusbandhadhiseyeon
someonehalfhisageandwasleavingme,I'veeverbeenmorerattledthanwhathasjusthappened.

Battleship8.Icanstillhearhisvoice,gravellyandraw,whisperitintomyear.IfIclosemyeyes,Ican
evenfeelthewarmthofhisbreath.Thegnawingsicknessthathitmeinthebeginningkeepsintermingling
withanoverwhelmingsenseofexcitement.

Heisnosilver-hairedoldergentleman,he'smyson'sbestfriendfromcollege.

Mynumberonewebcamfanisgoingtobehereallsummerlong.Theonethatpushedmyboundaries,paid
extraforspecialpantiesI'dwornduringasession,andtheonlyonetosextmetothepointoforgasm.
Battleship8.Ethan.Oneandthesame.

Mymindraceswithallmyoptions.Numberone,comecleantoJackaboutwhatIdoasmysidegigand
whatI'vejustlearned.Honestyisalwaysthebestpolicyright?ButthatwouldoutEthanandpossiblyruin
theirfriendship.Numbertwo,saynothingandspendthesummerinachinglongingforhimandhistouch.
ApainfulchoicethatkeepsJackfrombeingupsetonlytothepointwhenthewholethingcomesout
anyhow.Numberthree,saynothingandspendthesummerinicycoolnesstoEthanandletJackthinkhis
motherisacolossalbitch.

"Goodnight,Mom,"IhearJackyelldownthehallway.

"Goodnight,Jack,"Iyellback,myvoicealittleshakyfrommythoughts.

Iheartwosetsofstepsgodownthehall,adoorclose,thenonesetofstepscomebacktotheentryway
betweenmyroomandtheguestroom.Thestepspause.Foramoment,Iwonderifheisthereatmydoor,
handontheknob,readytocomein.Godhelpme,doesthatmakemewettothinkabout.ButthenIhearthe
otherdoorshut,andIaudiblyexhaleinrelief.Itisrelief,right?

Iwillmyselfnottothinkofsomeofthoseconversationswe'vehad.Inthedarkofnight,afteroneortwo
glassesofwine.Himwillingmerighttotheedgeofecstasyjusttomakemepause,takeastepback,then
bringmerighttothatedgeagain.Hewasamasteroforgasmdenialuntilhewantedmetocome.Hour
afterhour,untilIcouldbarelynapbeforeitwasmorning.

IknowIhavenowebcamappointmentsforanothertwoweeks,butIcan'thelpbutlogon.Forawhile,I'm
readingmessagesthathavebeenleftbyregulars.

Gonnamissyou!
I'llhavetowatchmytapedepisodesuntilyou'reliveagain.

ThestandardonesthatIalwaysgetwheneverItakeashortvacation.It'snicetoknowthatI'mmissed,I
havetograntyouthat.

TherewasatimewhenIdidn'tfeelgoodaboutmyself.Thosemonthafterthedivorce,Iblamedmyselffor
Russellleaving.IfonlyIworebetterclothesorbettermakeup.IfonlyIstayedinthegymlonger.IfonlyI
weremoreexcitinginbed.Ifonly,ifonly.Icarriedalltheweightofthedivorceonmyshoulders.

ThenIstoppedallthatthinking.IwasstillcatchingglanceswhenIwentout.Icouldstillholdmyown.I
heldmyheaduphighandIstartedtopushmyboundariesfarfurtherthanIeverthoughtIwould.Andnow
lookatme,desperatelytryingtofigureoutwhatwasrightandwrongaboutaboymyson'sagecomingon
tome.

I'mjustfixingtopowerdownwhenIhearachimealertingmetoanewmessageinmyinbox.

Fortonight,Mrs.Fisher.<videofileattached>

Ethan.WhileIwasreadingmessages,Ethanwasrecordinghimselfjerkingoffandsentittome.Hishand
wrappedaroundhisengorgedcock,pumpingfuriouslyuntilheeruptedalloverahandtowelIkeepinthe
guestbathroom.ItwasthefirsttimeIhadeverseenhimotherthandeeplyeroticwordsonascreen.

Iquicklyhitthereplay,andthistimewitheachpumpofhisfist,Iplungeone,twofingersintome.Bythe
secondwatching,I'vetimedmyorgasmtobeinsyncwithhis.Ibitemybottomlip,willingmyselftokeep
quiet.WhilehestillhastheabilitytogetmearousedasBattleship8,Ethanintheroomnextdoordoesn't
needtohearthatandknow.Notnow,anyhow.NotuntilI'vefiguredouthowtoprocessallthis
information.

ChapterFive

Twonightslater,thetensionispalpableaswethreesitatthedinnertable.I'vemanagedtoavoidbeing
alonewithhimwhileheandJackhavebusiedthemselveshangingoutintown.Inervouslykeeplookingat
Ethan,wonderingifthetensionIkeepfeelingisallinmyhead.Hesmilesatme,revealingnothing.I've
beentrippingovermyselftotrytokeepawayfromhimasmuchashumanlypossible,tothepointthatJack
askedmethismorningwhyIwasbeingsostandoffish.Ifonlyheknew.

"Greatdinner,Mrs.Fisher,"Ethansays,scoopingthepotatoesontohisplate.

Ididn'tnormallycookdinnerswithJackoutofthehouse.Ijustdidn'tseethepointinit.Hell,ithadbeen
awhilesinceIateatthetableanddidn'tjustbringabowlofwhateverwithmetothecouchtositandeat
whileIwatchedN.C.I.S.

"Thankyou,Ethan,butpleasecallmeMelody."Ihadn'tbeenMrs.Fisherinyearsandtheremindermade
mestiffenabitinmyseat.

"Right,right,sorry....Melody."Thenamerollsoffhistonguelikebutterhittingalobsterfreshfromthe
boilingpot.Meltedandhot.Shouldavoiceaffectyoulikethat?Ican'teventhinkstraightsoItryto
switchtoatopicabitsaferwithmysonatthetable.

"So,Jack,how'sschoolbeen?"Isay,asmysidevisionshowsEthanlickingthelastremnantsofthesauce
offhisfork.Itrynottothinkofhowthattonguecouldlickotherjuices.

"Sameasalways;wake,class,study,sleep."

"Exceptforwhenyouskipclassbecauseyou'rehungoverfromthekeggerthenightbefore."Ethansaysit
withoutlookingathim,ashereachesforasliceofbread.

Jacklooksatmeinhorror,hisfacestruckinaclassicOform.

"Chillout,Jack,"Itellhim,"believeitornotIwasonceyourage."

"Yeabutwhenyouweremyage,youhadalreadyhadmesoyouweren'tlikethat."

ItiswiththatstatementthatIlaughsohardIchoke,myforkslammingdownonmyplatewithaceramic
thud.TherearetearsstreamingdownmyfaceasIlookathim,"Ohchild,youcontinuetobelievethat."

Afterthat,weateinrelativesilenceforthemostpart.AtleastupuntilthetimethatIbroughtthedessertto
thetable.EthanhadstoodwhenIgotup,agesturethattookmeoffguard.Young,sexy,andchivalrous?

WhenIsatbackdownaftergivingeveryoneaplateforthelemonchesspie,myson'sfavorite,Inodded
brieflyinEthan'sdirectionashesatbackdown.Whilewemayhavepreviouslyknowneachotherwithout
realizingit,Idefinitelydidn'twantJacktoknowhow.Therearesomethingsthatamotherjustdoesn't
wantherchildtoknowabout.

"So,Mrs.Fisher,"hebegan,heapingaforkfulofpieintohismouth,"that'swhyyouseemtooyoungto
havehadasonJack'sage."

I'mmomentarilystartledbeforeregainingmycomposure."IwasrightouthighschoolwhenIhadhim.His
fatherleftforcollegeandIstayedhometoraisehim."

"Wellhisfathersoundslikeafool,"hetellsme,beforeaslightsmilebrushesacrosshisface.

"Dadisafuckingidiot,"Jackinterruptsussaying,"DidyouknowthatJessicaisknockedupagain?Bitch
isadiggingherselfquitethealimonysettlement."

"Jack!"Iexclaim.NomatterwhatImayormaynotthinkofhisfatherandthewaythatheleft,Iwouldn't
havehimdisrespectinghiminsuchcolorfullanguage.

Hesighs,picksathisfood,andthenlooksupatme.Thosebigblueeyeslikehisfather's.Itwasoneofthe
veryfirstthingsInoticedwhenIheldhimforthefirsttimeinthehospitalanditwasoneofthethingsthat
gutpunchedmeeverytimeIsawhimnow.

"Russellmadeadecision.Youknowhe'dneverbeenfullycommittedtomeortobeingaparent.Maybe
thistimearound,hecanbeaproperfather."Jessicawasn'tmyfavoriteperson,butItriednottowish
anyonebad.

Igetupandrefilleveryone'scoffee.EthanstandsagainasIrisefromthetableandsitsdownonlywhenI
return.Damn,wherearemannerslikethattoday?ItakemynapkinandplaceitinmylapasIscootthe
chairclosertothetable.Asuncouthasitmaybe,IwantedtopropmyelbowsdownandrelaxasIatethe
lasthalfofthepieslice.

"It'sbeenagreatmeal,"Ethansays,dabbingthecornersofhismouth.HehandsgotohislapandIsaw
himslidealittleclosertothetablehimself.Heclearshisthroatandsays,"So,Jack,areyouthinking
aboutmovinguptoAdvancedPlacementChemistry?"attheprecisemomenthishandfallstomythigh.

Iturntocastaglanceathimasiftosay,whatdoyouthinkyou'redoing?,butthere'snochange.His
fingertipsglideunderthefabricwitheaseandhe'susingthemtodanceacrossmytenderflesh,working
closerandclosertothewarmththatbeginstobuildinme.

Itrytostayintheconversationinhopesoftakingmymindofftheslow,methodicalteaseofhisfinger
work.

"APChemistry?That'dbequitetheaccomplishment,Jack."

"It'sreallynothing.Ijusthaveaknackforequations.I'mthesamewayinMath.Ijustdon'tknowifIwant
togofrombeingtheEasyAtohavingtoworkmyassoffforaB."

"Butareyou..."Ibegin,buthisfingersareteasingthecreaseofmycrossedlegs.It'salmostasifhis
fingersareknocking,askingforentry,"...areyoureallywantingnottobechallenged?"

"Iloveagoodchallenge.It'smoreexcitingwhenit'shard.Themoredifficultitistoget,thesweeterit
tasteswhenyou'vegotit."EthanistalkingtoJack,butIswearit'saimedatme.Hisfingerstapthecrease
ofmycrossedlegsagain,andthistimeIclosemyeyesandexhale,openingthem.

"Imean,Iwantto,Ijustdon'twanttoletyoudown,Mom."Jackhasalwaysbeentheonetobetherock,
thestabilityofthehousehold.

"You'dneverletmedown."Ilookdirectlyathim,hopingthathecanhearmysincerity,attheprecise
momentthatEthan'sfingerslidesmysilkpantiesasideandflicksmyclit.It'sallIcandonottogasp.It
takesonlysecondsuntilhisfingerfindsitswayinsideme.

"Isanythingwrong?"There'sconcerninhisvoice.Canhetellwhatishappening?AmIsostarvedfora
man'stouchthatI'mactuallyallowingmyson'sbestfriendtofingermeunderthedinnertable?

IsitupasstraightasIcan,whichisjustoutofthereachofEthanandhisdevilishhands.Ethansmilesas
hedrawshishandsback.

"Notatall,son,"Isay,risingfromthetable,"now,youtwoheadoffsomewherewhileIgetstartedonthis
mountainofdishes."

"CanIhelp,Mrs.Fisher?"Ethanoffers,hisfaceshowingnothingbutinnocence,"I'dlovetohelpyouin
anywayIcould."

Hishandgoestohismouthashelickshisfingertips.ThesmileonhisfacemakesmeevenwetterthanI
wasatthetable.Hewillbethedeathofme.

"I'mgood.Y'allgo."

"Ok,ifyou'resureMom.MeandEthanwillgohangoutforalittlewhilebeforecallingitanight."He
grabstwobeersfromthefridgebeforereconsideringandgrabbingtwomore."Night!"

Iwavehaphazardlytowardhim,onlycrumblingagainstthekitchensinkafterIknowthetwoofthemare
outofsight.

ChapterSix

Afterwashingupthemorning'sbreakfastdishes,Iturntoseethetwoofthemonthesofa.Whilemyson
wasinasetofpajamasthatshouldhavebeenthrownoutagesago,EthanwasinawhiteV-neckteeshirt
andsomeblacksweatpants.Thewaytheshirtaccentedhismuscleswasnotunnoticed.

JackhaddughisoldXboxoutoftheclosetandthetwoofthemwereplayingsomefirst-personshooter
gameIrememberhimplayingintoallhoursofthenightbeforeheleftforcollege.Istoodtherefora
momentwithmyhotcoffee,justenjoyinghavinghimhomeandtryingtoquietmymindwithalltheturmoil
thathavingEthaninthehouse-orratherhavingBattleship8inthehouse-presented.

"Dude,you'resodead."

"Quitthrowinggrenadesatme!"

Thereisthecacophonyofgunfireandexplosionsastheyrockbackandforthonthesofaasiftheir
motionscouldtelekineticallymovetheirbulletsbettertotheirintendedtargets.Idon'tevenremember
beingsocarefree.Iwentfrombeingahighschoolteenagerjusttryingtofitintoamomtryingtoholdher
familytogether.Thesepastcoupleofyearshavebeenthemostliberatingofmylife.

"God,yousucksohard."

"Biteme,asswipe."

Inthismoment,Ethanislikeanyothercollegeguytome.Laughablyyoungandfunnytowatch.Iwatchhis
boisterousmovementsinhopesthathewon'thittheglassofwaterthatissittingclosebyhim.Itrynotto
thinkaboutthatenergybeingusedelsewhere.

Heisradicallydifferentwithagamecontrollerinhishandthanwhenhehadslidhisfingersupmythigh
atthedinnertable,sendingsmallshockwavesthroughoutmybody.Heisnotthemanthatcarriedona
completeconversationwithmysonashetoyedwithme,asecretI'msureneitherofuswasabouttolet
outintotheopen.

Therestofthedaymuttersoninanarrayofnormalcy.TheboysgooutforawhilesothatJackcanshow
Ethansomeofhisfavoritespots.Itrytoclearmyheadwithsomeyoga,butitdoesn'twork.There'stoo
muchgoingonupthere.IknowthatIshouldn'twantmyson'scollegeroommateasmuchasIdo.Thatit's
afool'slessontobehad.Who'stosaythatEthanisn'tthebiggestplayeroncampus?Thenagain,whydoI
care?

Hoursafterthetwoofthemleave,theyarebackagaintofindmestillsittingontheyogamatinarelative
daze.

"Mom,Imeanttotellyoubefore,butseeingyouexercisingremindsme...Youlookreallygood.I'mproud
ofyoufordoingsomethingtotallyforyourself."Hewipesaloosestrandofhairawayfromhiseyesas
he'sspeaking,andI'mtouchedbyhiswords.

"Yea,Mrs.Fisher,you'resmokinghot."Ethanadds,incitingaplayfulpunchfromJack.

"Dude,that'smyMom."

IjustlaughatthemeventhoughseeingthefullbodyshudderfromJackwasentertaining."Boys,I'mgoing
togoshowerandchange,y'alltrynottokilloneanotherwhileI'mgone,okay?"

****

"I'mgoingtogotothegymandthengrabacoupleofpizzastobringbackhome.Wanttorentamovie
whenIgetback?"Jack'sbeeninagoodmoodalldaytoday,whichIlovetosee.Aftermyshoweranda
changeofclothesheeventoldmetositdownwhilehefinisheduptherestofthehousework.Heseem
oblivioustoeverything,andforthatI'mrelieved.I'mstuckhere,inthissuffocatingspaceofnotwantingto
succumbtoEthan,andnotbeingabletosay'no'.

"Soundsgreat,Muffin."IcatchhislookasEthanlaughsathim.

"Muffin?"EthanslapsJack'sback,"Dude,I'msousingthat."

"Thanks,Mom,"heglaresatmeagain,"Ethan,youwanttocomealongwithme.Feelagoodburnbefore
weallrelaxtonight?"

Ethanstartstoanswer,butnotbeforelookingpointedlyatmewhilehedoesso,"NoJack,IthinkI'llstay
hereandhelpcleanup.TrytomakeagoodimpressiononyourMomandallthat."

We'venotdiscussedit,butassureasI'mstandingthereIknowthatwhenJackleavesout,Ethanisgoing
tohavehiswaywithme.

Ijustcan'ttellifI'mterrifiedorifI'mincrediblyturnedonbythat.

ChapterSeven

Hebacksmeupslowlytothewall,hisonehandslidingupbesidemewhilehisotherwrapsaroundmy
waist.Thereisn'tbutabreathbetweenusbeforehismouthisonmine.Warm,inviting,anddefinitely
againstallbetterjudgment.

Itrynottothinkthatheisthesameageasmyson.Youngerbyafewmonths,Iremindmyself.

Hishandmovesfrommywaistupthebackofme,effortlesslygoingbetweenshirtandskin.Inseconds
he'sunhookedmybra,clearlywellpracticed.

Mybodyreactsinstinctivelyeventhoughitshouldn't.Ishouldn'twantthisasmuchasIdoandIfeel
betrayedbymyownwantonlustforEthan.

"We'vetwohoursbeforeJackgetsback,oneandahalfifhe'squick,"hewhispers,"AndIwanttouse
everysecondofittoexplorethatbodyofyours."

Idon'tspeak,nottrustingmyselftosaytherightthing.

Hemovesquickly,slidingtheshirtovermyheadandtossingitinthecorneroftheroom.Hismouthgoes
straighttomybreast,lickingandteasingthenippleuntilit'srockhard.Imoansoftlyashistongueflicksat
it,nippingatitwithhisteeth.

I'mwearingahighwaistskirt,sothemajorityofmeisstillcovered,onlymybreastsandarmsare
exposed.Hisfacegoestothesideofmyneck,teasingmeinawaythatleavesmethirstyformore.Ican't
seemtocatchmybreathorthinkaboutwhatishappening.It'sallsensation.

Heholdsmethere,onthewall,ashismouthslidestheskirtaround.Thezipperisinhisteethashelooks
upatmeforameremomentbeforeheworksitdownward.ThereisnothingIcandotostophim.
Correction,thereisnothingthatIwanttodotostophim.

There'sonlythebriefestmomentofsilenceasmyskirthitsthefloor,butit'sallthetimeIneedforthe
doubtstostartfloodingmymind.I'mnotastonedaswomenhisage.There'sthefadedstretchmarks.The
cellulite.The...

"OhfuckingChrist,Mrs.Fisher,Iwanttolickeveryinchofyou,"hesaystome,grabbingmyfaceand
bringingituptohiseyes."Every.Inch."

Thistime,Idon'tcorrecthim.Thistime,hecanchant'Mrs.Fisher'asifitwereamantraandI'mnotgoing
togiveadamn.AllIwantistofeelhiminsideme.Feelhimbreakthisstiflingamountofsexualtension
thathashungoverussincehefirstarrived.

"Fuckme,Ethan,righthere,rightnow,"Ipurr,mytonguegrazinguphisearlobe.

"Oh,don'tworryaboutthat,Melody.Anarmycouldn'tstopmenow."

Hepicksmeupandcarriesmetomybedroom,usinghisboottoopenthedoor.I'mfranticallyunbuttoning
theshirtbuthaveonlytwoundonebeforehetakesthethinfabricinhisstronghandsandripsitapart.
ButtonsflyandImovetohisjeans.

Hekickshisbootsofftothesideofthebedashetossmebackontothemattress.

I'mlayingthere,lookingupattheceiling,notwantingtolookdirectlyathimforfearthatthelegitimacyof
thesituationwillhitmefullforce.InsteadIclosemyeyes,andfeelhishandwraparoundmythroatashis
tonguefindsmywetness.Itflicksandsucksaroundmyclit,divingintomeonlyeverysooftenwhenthe
intensitygetstoomuch.

It'sbeensolongsinceanyonehastouchedmeotherthanmyselfthatIfeelasifI'mgoingtoburstbefore
weevengetstarted.

WhenIopenmyeyes,he'scompletelyundressedandmovesfromtheedgeofthebedtotheside.

"Melody,Ihavetoask,areyousure?"Hisvoiceisamerewhisper.AmIsure?Hellno.I'venoideawhat
willhappenifweactuallydothis.AllIknowisthatIcan'tstop.Notnow.Notevenbefore.

"Yes,"Imanagetosqueakout.

"Good,becauseIreallydidn'twanttostop."

Heflipsmeoverandpullsmetowardhim,raisingmyhipsuphigh.Onearmwrapsaroundmywaistto
supportmeasthefreehandgoesbacktomyclit.Heteasesmeinthesamewayhedidunderthetableand
Ican'thelpbutthinkofthenaughtinessofitall.Hisfingeringmeatthedinnertable.Thesubtlenipple
grazesthathashappened.Histongueflickingagainstmyclit.Andnowthis;hiscockfixingtopushinside
me.

"Areyousafe?"Hiscockisthere,attheentrance.Big.Thick.Andwaitingtogivemetheorgasmofmy
life.Safe?Icantakethatsomanyways,butthere'sonlytwowaysI'msurecountatthemoment.
PregnancyandSTD.

"Yestoeverything,"ismyanswer.Idon'tevengettheentireword'everything'outbeforeheentersme
withadeepplunge.

Hisfingersgotoarhythmthatisintoxicating.Apinchashiscockgoesinandathumbcirclearoundasit
retreats.Inandout.Overandover.Pinchingandcirclingmeuntilmybreathisunsteadyandmychest
flushesred.

Hishandgoestomyhair,spinningitaroundhisfistanddrawingitback.AnactthatIalwaysthought
wouldbedemeaningactuallysentashiverthroughme.Iwantedhimtouseme,ineveryway,inevery
partofme.

He'sgoingfasternowandIcantellthatitwon'tbelongforhim.I'msurprisedI'velastedthislong.His
warmbodyleansovermybacktowhisperinmyear,"I'mgoingtocumallinthathotpussyofyours,Mrs.

Fisher,andthenI'mgoingtowanttodoitallagain."

That'sallittookforme,Iyelloutandcryasthewavesgothroughme,clenchingdownoverhiscockto
claimit.Milkingthatthickrodforeveryounceofstickywhitenessthatoozesoutofme.

Heslidesoutofmeandspanksmeonmyasscheekashesays,"turnover,Melody,I'vestillgottwenty
minutesleft."

****
Webarelymakeitoutoftheshoweranddressagainbeforehearingthefrontdooropen.

"Mom,I'mhome,"Jackcallstome.IgestureforEthantocomeoutinafewminutes,asifhewere
emergingfromtheguestroomandnotthemasterbathroomwherehefingeredmetoyetanotherorgasmin
theshower.

"Coming,honey,"Iyellbacktohim.Igrinatthehorribletruththatsimple,innocentremarkhasloaded
intoit.

Itrytoactlikeit'sthemostnaturalthingintheworld.ThatI'mjustsittinginthelivingroomwithmyson
andhisfriend,munchingonsomecheeseandcrackersandwatchingamovietogether.Imakesuretositin
thefarchair,theoneIhateandIonlyhaveforguests,sothatnoonesitsbesideme.

Idamnsuredon'tstealglancesatEthan,butIcan'thelpbutwonderwhathe'sthinking.

ChapterEight

ThesunhasbarelycomeupwhenIpullonadressinggownandrunabrushthroughmyhair.Iwrapupthe
waywardstrandsandpullitallbackintoaponytailuntilIcanatleastgetsomecoffeeinme.Onelast
lookatthemirrortomakesureIlookpresentableandI'mspinningtowardthedoor.ItiptoeasquietasI
canbetothekitchen,hittingtheauto-brewoptiononthecoffeepot.

Caffeine.Allthecaffeineintheworldwasn'tgoingtoeraseyesterday.HowIsatthereonthesofa
watchingamovieIcan'tevenrememberasIached,soreandwarmfromEthan'scock.

Whatthehelliswrongwithme?

SureIcanlistalltheprostowhathappened;Ethan'shot,we'veapastwedidn'tevenrealizewehad,
and....welldidImentionhewashot?Butthereisonehugecon,he'smyson'sbestfriend.Howthehellam
Isupposedtodealwiththat?Oh,andtheconisn'ttheonlythingthatishuge,ifyou'recatchingmydrift.

Ithadbeenyears,practicallyadecade,sinceIhadfeltthepassionIfeltinthatlustfulencounter.While
meandRussellhadstartedoutplayfulandpassionateasteenagerssneakingourtrysts,thelateritgotin
themarriagethemoresexwasjustanobligation.I'dbeengoingthroughthemotionsforsolongIhad
almostforgotwhatreallustfeltlike.

****
"Yes,don'tworryLila,IwillbebackoncampusontimeandwillgetCole."Thesewordsechofromhis
opendoorintomine.Ethanisclearlyonthephonewithsomeone.I'venoideawhoLilaisbuthaveat
leastheardCole'snamementionedseveraltimesinconversationswithJack.

WewerehavingabangingtimethenneededtoleavetopickupCole.
There'snowaywearegoingtohave'toomuchfun'Mom,we'rewithCole.

No,Coleisheresowe'rebeingquiet.

I'dalwaysthoughtthatColewasanothermanoncampusthatwasverystrictinhisupbringing.Someone
thatkepttheboysinline.Butnow....

"Look,he'smysonasmuchasheisyours.IsaidIwouldbethereandIwill."Loudernow,andleaving
nothingtotheimagination.

Colewashisson.

Shit,shit,shit.

****
Ipullonapairofblackyogapantsandawhiteteeshirt,makingsurethatmyphoneisloadedwithmusic
andIhavemyearphones.Assoonasbreakfastismadeandonthetable,I'mgoingtoheadoutforajog.
Clearmyhead.Figureoutsomethings.

Ithasn'tbeenlongsincethetwoofthemarrivedandalreadythingsareahugemess.I'mnotwinningany
MotheroftheYearawardsthisyear,that'splaintosee.Andnowinadditiontomefuckingmyson'sbest
friend,Ilearnhe'sanewdad.

Ineedtoprocesseverythingthatishappening.That'sallIcanthinkofasIgetdownthestairsandputona
panofeggsandbaconforthem.Ihurrythroughinadaze,yelltothemtocomegetsomethingtoeatand
thatI'llbebacksoon,andthensprintoutthefrontdoorleavingthemtotheirown.

****
Asmyfeetmakecontactwiththecoolasphaltbelowthem,Icouldn'tbelieveIdidn'tknowaboutCole.
AllthosenightsIcalledtohearJackwhisperintothephonethathecan'ttalkbecauseColeissleeping.
ThedaysEthanstayedoutofclasstotakecareofhim.Colewasn'tsomemanthatkepttheboysfrom
havingtheirfun,no,ColewasEthan'sson.

Ethanissomeone'sfather.Myson'sbestfriendisadad.

Ipickupthepace,turningdownthecornernearthepark,Irunfurther,fasterthanIhavebefore.There'sa
burninmycalvesandmybreathiscomingquicker.Heartpounding,I'mnearlythroughthehalfwaypoint
asIturntoheadbacktothehousewhenIhearmyphonealertme.

Melody,haveIdonesomething?Youleftsoabruptly.

Donesomething?Thememoriesofeverythinghe'sdonefloodoverme.Ievenaddafewchoicefantasies
I'vehadthathehadn'tactuallydoneinrealityforgoodmeasure.

Istop,handsonmykneesasIbreathehard.Oncemyheartbeathasstartedtoregainnormalcy,Ibeginto
texthimback.

I'mfine,justclearingmyhead.

Itwastrue,andallheneededtoknow.

So,isitwhatwe'vebeendoingorisitfindingoutIhaveason?

Cardsonthetable.Ilikethat.HowIwishhecouldbeabouttwentyyearsolderwiththatmind.Andthat
body,Iadded.

Both.

Nosenseinlyingtohim.Theyarebothhittingmehard,althoughIsimplydon'tknowwhyColeis
botheringme.PerhapsitisassimpleasthefirmslapofknowingthatIreallydon'tknowanythingatall
aboutEthan.

Ihonestlythoughtyouknew,fromJack.WewereintheprocessofbreakingupwhenLilafound

outshewaspregnant.Weshareasmuchoftheparentingaswecan,butwe'venotbeentogetherina
verylongtime.

BlesshimthinkingthatI'mjealousofLila,ofapastrelationship.Ismiledandranmyfingerdownthe
edgeofthephonealmostasifIwerestrokingthestubble-linedjawlineofhisface.

It'snotthat.Ijustreallyknowsoverylittleaboutyou.ThattruthhitmewhenIrealizedtheCole

youguysspeakofisyourboyandnotanotherclassmate.

Wespenthourstexting.Fromwhatitislikebeingasingleparenttolife'sunexpectedness,wecovereda
lotofground.Bothofusnestledinourownrooms,lateatnight,textingourwhisperstoeachother.
FinallyItoldhimthatIhadappointmentsalldaytomorrowandreallyneededtogettosleep.Ididn'twant
to,butknewIneededatleastalittleshuteyebeforethemorning.

Goodnight,Melody.Idowanttogettoknowyoubetter,notjustphysically.Infact,wecantake

thatoffthetablefornowifit'seasier.

Iponderedthisbeforereplying.Woulditmakeiteasier?Orwouldsayingthatwewerenotgoingto
engageinourbasiclustofoneanothermakeitevenhardertodeny?Itwasworthatry;good,bad,or
indifferent.

Ok,Ethan.Goodnightfornow.

ChapterNine

Itseemedunfairtomethattheweatherwassocalm.Nowind,notorrentialdownpour,notevenasolid
moodydrizzle.InsteadIgotbrilliantsunshine,punctuatedbytheoccasionalpuffycloud.Thedirect
oppositeoftheclimateinmyhead,whichthrobbedwiththeangrythunderstormofregretandconfusion.
ThisgardenpathintheparkwassofamiliartomethatIcouldoperateonautopilot,traversingtheparking
lot,thegrassyhills,andbythetimeIreachedthepondmyheadhadcalmeddown,influencedasalways
bythepeacefulsetting.

“Ifyoudon’tslowdownsoonIgoingtoembarrassmyselfbyrunningafteryou.”Thefamiliarvoice
nearlycausedmetotrip.Nothere,notinmypeacefulplace.Whatwashedoing?Ethanmusthave
gatheredfrommyfacethathispresencewasn’taltogetherwelcome,buthedidn’tletitdeterhim.

“Beautifulspot,isn’tit?”

“Itis.Oneofmyfavorites.”Myvoice,whilenotwelcoming,wasn’tcoldeither.Itwasn’tEthan’sfaultI
wassoconflicted.Although,stealingaquickglanceathowhisshirtfittedoverhismuscularbody,maybe
itwas.

“Icanseewhy.”

Westarttowalktogether;surprisinglyourpacessyncedupeffortlessly.Thesilencewaseasyand
comfortable,whichiswhyperhapsIfeltabletospeakaboutthetopiconbothourminds.

“ItookthejobwhenJackgotinschool.Itseemedliketheonlywaytomakethingswork.”Ethanwalked
along,thesilencestillcomfortableandlackinginjudgment.“IthoughI’dhateit.Thatitwouldbemymost
shamefulsecret.Thethingisafterbeingamom,andonlyamomforsolong,beingwantedasawoman,
formyself,itwasaddictive.Icouldn’tgetenough.”NolongerabletolookathimIstudiouslystaredat
theducksinthepond.

“Iwonderifyoucanfishinthatpond?”

IstaredatEthan’ssuddennonsequitur.“Ithinkso.I’veseenlittleboyswithrodssometimes.”

“Iusedtolovetofish.MymomtaughtmehowwhenIwasabout8.”IfEthanwasshockedbymywork
reflectionshedidn’tshowit.FromtheexpressiononhisfaceIcouldhavebeenchattingaboutthe
weather.

“YouusuallypictureaDadfishingwithhisson.”Iwastryingtokeepupwiththeconversation,butIhad
noideawhereitwasgoing.

“Yeah,myDadwasn’tinterested.Bythetimehegothomeforfromworkhewastootiredtodomuch.It
wasmyMomwhotookmeeveryWednesdayafterschool.Irememberbeingproudyouknow,thatshe
madesomethingIwantedapriorityinherlife.”Ethandroppedontothebenchoverlookingthepond,and
pattedbesidehimsothatIwoulddothesame.“It’sfunnythough,onlynowlookingbackonitthatIcan

seethatsheenjoyeditasmuchasIdid.Shewashavingsomuchfun,whichmadeitimpossibleformenot
too.IhopeI’maparentlikethattomykids.”Ababystartedcryingbythewatercausingalltheducksto
flyoffatonce,“AparentlikeyouaretoJack."

“Idon’tknowhowgoodofaparentI’vebeenlately.Ithinksleepingwithyourson’sbestfriendis
frownedon.”Thesheeroutlandishnessofthatsentencemademelaugh.

Hereachedoverandgrabbedmyhands,clenchedtightlyinmylap,takingoneinhis.“Idon’tthinkit
reallymattersatall.”Thecomfortablesilencereturned,thenthetwoofusjustsat,sittinginthesun,
enjoyingthepark.

ChapterTen

Areyouasleep?

Thetexthitsmyphonewithamuteddingalert.Foramoment,Ialmostdon'tknowwhosentit,asI'venot
programmedhisnumberinasacontact.TherealizationbringsasmiletomylipsbeforeIcaneventell
myselftostop.

Notreally,Ethan,what'sup?

Iexpectaquick'ding'ofthephone,butwaitoneggshellsfornearlytwominutesbeforethereplycomes.

Couldn'tsleep.Knowwesaidweshouldslowthingsdown,butIcan'tstopthinkingaboutyou.

Andwhatareyouthinking?

ThefirsttimeIloggedinandchoseyourwebcam.Howsexyyoulooked,andnervous.Know

what?

What?

Afterthatnight,Ineverlookedatanotherwebcamgirl.Onlyyou,Melody.Hell,I'venoteven

datedanyonesinceLila.You'vebeenenoughforme,evenbeforeyouwerenexttomeintheflesh.

ThisrevelationI'mnotquitepreparedfor.I'vebeentryingmybesttothinkofwhatwearedoingasbeing
justhormonal.Twopeoplewhojustneedtoburnthroughtheenergy.Nothingmore,nothingless.

Melody?

Thistimethechimestartlesmefrommythoughts.

Yes,Ethan?

Wecouldcam.Inourownrooms.It'dbelikeitwasbefore,exceptmaybeIcouldturnonmineon

thistime?

Iponderthis.I'mtryingtosplithairsonwhetherthisgoesagainsteverythingIsaidorifitisaperfect
loopholetostillgetwhatweeachwant.

Ok,Ethan.Givemefiveminutes.

TenminutespassandI'vechangedfromtherattyteeshirtItypicallysleepintosomethingmorecam-
appropriate.Thelacehugsmetightinalltherightplacesandpushesupmyamplechest.Igivemyselfa
quickonceoverinthemirror,adjusteverythingoncemore,andmakesuremylipstickisperfectlylined.I

inhale,tryingtotellmyselfthatthisisjustlikeeveryothernight.ThelightcomesonandIletwhoeverhas
enoughsparedollarswatchmeatmymostvulnerable;whenI'minthemiddleoftouchingmyselftheway
Ineedtobetouched.

Butit'sdifferentthistimeandmybodyknowsit.Thistimethereisnocrowdoffacelessmenandwomen
viewing.Thistimethereisonlyoneperson,andhehasaface,agorgeousdeliciousface.Everythingis
changed.

Showtime.

Iloginandsettheroomimmediatelyforinvite-only,sendingthatsoleinvitetoBattleship8.Idon'tneeda
flurryofregularstotryandpopin.InthemomentsthatIwaitforhimtologin,Iknowthatthisisskirting
thatfineline.Itisaslipperyslopebackdowntherabbitholewherewebothwerebeforeourheartto
hearttalk.

Forasecond,I'mtemptedtoshutitalldownandsticktomyguns,butthereisawantonneedtobewith
him.Anyway,shape,orform.IfIcan'thavehimwrithingunderneathmyfingertips,Iwanttoatleastsee
him.

Thecomputerdingsitsalertlettingmeknowheisintheroom.Islowlyturnonthecam.Forthefirsttime
sinceIstarteddoingthis,anothercamscreenisinmyview.He'sstillinthesameattireashewasinthis
eveningwhenhewenttohisroomafterdinner.Thesameskinhuggingjeansthatlookedmeltedontohis
buffbody.

Irememberhishandsonmynakedfleshandthewaychillsrockedmetomycore.Iremembereveryline
oftexthesentmeoverthemonthsthatwecammedwithoutknowingeachother.Asurgeofheatrushes
rightthroughmeandforamomentIthinkI'mmoaninginanticipationwhenIthenrememberJackandall
theawkwardyearswhenhehadsomuchtroublemakingfriends.HowitwouldcrushhimtoloseEthan.

Iinhalesharplyandclickthecomputeroff.ItfeelslikeI'mwalkingthroughdeepmudasImakemyway
tomyprivatebathtoscrubthemakeupfrommyfaceandtoslipoutofthelingerieandintomysleeptee
andpanties.

ImayhaveneverbeforefeltwhatIfeelwhenI'mwithEthan,butI'mnotabouttoputmyneedsabovemy
son'shappiness.Notnow,notever.Notevenforthebestsexofmylife.

ChapterEleven

“Comeon–it’salmoston.”WednesdaynightrealityTVhadbecomeaguiltyritualforJackandIduring
thepastsummer.Betweenschoolandworkcommitmentsitwastheonlynightwewerebothreliably
homeandwehaddevelopedafascinationforwatchingtherealityTVstarsairtheirdirtylaundry.

“Justgettingthepopcorn.”Jack,comfortablycladinatracksuithandedthebowltomeandproceededto
layontheruginfrontofme.ItstillsometimesbaffledmethatthebabyIhadbroughthomefromthe
hospitalhadturnedintothislankyman.

“Sowhodoyouthinkisgoingtothrowthefirstglassofwinetonight?”Heasked,stealingapillowfrom
thecouch.

“Lindaforsure.She’sapowderkegafterlastweek’sbigreveal.”Dressedforcomfortaswellinmyyoga
pantsandtanktop,Ireachedformyglassofwineonthecoffeetable.

“Imayhavetwoglassestonight.Mywildnight.”Isaidlaughingatmyself.

“Whenisthelasttimeyouwentout,Mom?”Jackaskedme,suddenlyserious.

“Oh,Idon’tknow.Whenwereacidwashedjeansfashionable?”Ijoked.“Idon’tneedtogotoutJack.I
lovethesesummernightsin.”Iwasnervousalittlenow,tryingnottoshowit.Wherewasthiscoming
from?SurelyEthanwouldn’thavesaidanything.Wouldhe?

“Iknowit’shardtoliveuptowatchingspoiledrichpeoplewithyourson,butsometimeIworrythatyou
don’thavemanyfriendsofyourown.AfterDadleftyoudevotedallyourtimetomakingsureIwasokay
anditdidn’tleavemuchtimefordoingthingsforyou.”Watchingmenow,insteadoftheweepingaging
starletonthescreen,Jacklookedolderthanhisyears.

“TakingcareofyouwaswhatIwantedtodoJack.Youarethemostimportantthinginmylife.”Icouldn’t
wrapmyheadaroundthefactthatitlookedlikemylittleboywasworriedaboutme.“Whereisthis
comingfrom?AreyounervousabouttheAdvancedPlacementclasses?YouknowhowproudIamofyou
forgettingintothatschool,don’tyou?”

“Alittlenervousmaybe.It’sgoingtobesodifferentfromanythingI’vedonebefore.You’vesacrificedso
muchMom,I’dhatetoletyoudown.”Suddenlyhelookedhisageagain,aboyafraidofdisappointinghis
mother.

“Kidofmine,listentomeclosely.Youcouldneverletmedown.Youarekindandsmartandlovingare
justthebestpresentthatIevergot.NomatterwhathappensIwillalwaysbesoproudofyou.”Growinga
littlemistyIgotuptogetthetissuebox,subtlyleavingitnexttoJack,whowaslookingalittleemotional
himself.

“Thanks,Mom.IguessIalsohatethethoughtofyoubeingalone.”Hequicklywipedathisfacewitha
tissueandreturnedhisattentiontotheTV.

“IhavetolivemyownlifeJack,andthat’snotsomethingthatshouldworryyou.YouknowIworry
sometimesaboutlettingyoudowntoo.”Shocked,JackshiftedhisattentiontobacktohisMom.

“Youcouldneverletmedown.You’remymom!”Theinsanityofthestatementmadehimlaugh.Asifthe
womenwhohadbeenhisrockallhislifecouldlethimdown.Hepulledmedownforahug,makingme
screamandlaughwhenthepopcornwentflyingacrosstheroom.

Ethanpassedusatthismoment,havingjustfinishedhisshowerandlookingforsomecleansweats.The
playfulnessofthetwoofusandtheobviousenjoymentwesharedmadehisstomachflip.Jackwashis
bestfriend;helovedhimlikeabrotherandneverwantedtodoanythingtohurthim.Thatwasgoingtobe
hardthoughbecausehelovedmetoo,andmostcertainlynotinabrotherlyway.Hewasgoingtohavethe
dealwiththefactthathewasinlovewithhisbestfriend'smom.

ChapterTwelve

ThreeweeksbeforeSummerbreakends...

"Heyyoutwo,I'mgoingtopopouttothestorerealquick.Youguyswantanything?"

"No,honey,I'mgood.Thankyou,though,"Iansweredhim,momentsbeforehearingthedoorshutbehind
him.

ThesilencethatfelluponuswhenJackleftwassuddenanduncomfortable.Sincetryingtostayapart,it
hadonlysucceededindrawingusclosertogether.Perhapsnotphysically,butdefinitelyemotionally.We'd
sharedmanyconversationsgettingtoknoweachotherforwhowewere.Iuneasilyfoundsomelaundryto
fold,desperatetohavesomethingtooccupymyhandsandtriedtobreakthemoodwithchatter.

“I’mguessingyou’vedonenothingtogetreadyforthenewcollegeyear?I’vebeenonJackfordaysto
startgettingorganized,maybestartpackingsomeclothes,buteverytimeIlookinhisroom,everyarticle
ofclothingthatboyownsiseitheronthechairoronthefloor.Iimagineheplansonscoopingitintoa
garbagebaglastminute.”

“ThatsoundslikeJack.Thattimewewentcampingfortwoweeks?Heshowedupwithfivepairsof
socks,fivepairsofunderwear,sometrackpantsandhisfootballjersey.Heliterallyjustdumpedwhat
wasonhischairinaduffleandshowedup.Dudewaswearingmyclothestheentiretrip.”Ethansounded
likeabemusedunclemorethanhisbestfriend.“I’mmoreofalistkindofguy.”Heleanedovertoshow
mehissmartphone.SureenoughthescreenshowedanorganizationalsystemthatwouldrivaltheArmy’s.
Itemsweresortedintocategories,andprioritizedaccordingtoimportanceandidealpackingtimes.
AccordingtothetallyEthanwason77%packedandontracktobecompletelydoneintwodays’time.

“Iguessyou’realittlebitdifferentthanJack.”Ireachedovertoreturnhisphone,laughing.“It’sonlythe
factthathecanthinkonhisfeetthat’skepthimalivethislong.OutsideofschoolIswearthatboydoesn’t
planmorethanfiveminutesintothefuture.Iwasalwaysalittlesurprisedhecouldkeephisfocuson
gettingintoaschool.”

“Jackcanbeabitofanairheadaboutsomethings,butheknowshowimportantgettinghiseducationis;
especiallytoyou.Hedoesn’tmessupimportantthings.”

“Sowhatareyoulookingforwardtothisyear.Classes?Lacrosse?Theparties?”Itriedtosteerthe
conversationintolessloadedwaters.

“ActuallyIhaven’tthoughtaboutitmuch.It’llbenicetogetonthefieldagainIguess.”Hesatbesideme
andstaredintently,makingmefumblewithmyfolding.

“MainlyI’vebeenwishingthatsummerwouldneverend.”Whilethewordssoundedlikeeverykid’send
ofsummerlament,thetoneinhisvoiceandthewayhewaslookingatmewasanythingbutchildish.
SuddenlyIfeltveryselfconsciousabouttheflimsytanktopIwaswearing.Myfingersturnedclumsyand
IdroppedthejeansIwasinthemiddleoffolding.

“Igotit.”Ethansaid,ashereachedovertopickthemupforme.Insteadofhandingthembacktome,he
satonthefloorinfrontofthecouchandproceededtofoldthemhimself.“Melody,amImakingyou
nervous?”Thestraightforwardquestionleftmelittleroomforevasion.

“WhywouldIbenervous?Iamsittingherewithmychild’sbestfriendandI’mthinkingaboutthewayhis
breathcatcheswhenheorgasms.I’mlivinginaworldsofarfromanythingIknoworunderstand;why
wouldthatstressmeout?”Nolongabletosit,Ipushedthelaundryasideandstartedtopace.“I’ma
middleagedwomenlustingafteracollegekid.I’mtheworstkindofcliché,amonster...”Suddenlyoutof
breath,andwords,Istaredoutthewindow,tryingtomakesenseoutoftheconflictingemotionscoursing
throughme.

“You’rebeautiful.”Ethansaiditsosimply,morelikeastatementoffactthanacompliment.“Andsosexy.
Doyouknowwhatyoudowhenyoucum?”Hestartedtomovetowardsmestillonthefloor,his6-foot
frameneedingtodolittlemorethanreachtograbmywaistandpullmeontohislap.“Youreyes,thosebig
blueeyesgoallcloudyandyoubiteyourbottomlip,andthenyou,”hishandsstartedtoslipunderher
yogapants,“shiverallover.Itdrivesmewild.Eventhinkingaboutitgetmeworkedup.”Hisfingers,
longandskilledstartedtostrokemythighs,myhips,beforefocusingonmypussy,sendingquivering
sensationsvibratingthroughmywholebody.

“Ethan,wecan’t!”Iknewtherewasareasonwhytheycouldn’t,agoodreason,butrightnowmybrain
wasunabletooverridemybodywhichwascompletelyatthemercyofthosefingers.“Ohgod,whydowe
alwaysenduphere.”

“BecauseIcan’thelpmyself.Notwhenyougetallflushedandworkedup.”Shiftinghisweight,he
scoopedmeupandplacedmeonthecouchinonefluidmotion.“Andreallyyoustartedit,talkingabout
mybreath.MakesmewanttomakesureIproperlyrememberthatshiverofyours.”

Myyogapantshadnotmadethetriptothecouchwithmeitseemed.SlowlyEthanpeeledoffmyblack
panties,watchingallofmewiththeexpressionofamangivenaporterhousesteakafteraweekoffasting.
Methodicallytakinghistime,hebegantolicktheallsensitivepartsofme,makingsurenothingwent
unnoticed.Iwasnowcompletelyhelpless,mybonesmeltedbytheheatbetweenmylegs.Whenhelightly
bitmyclitIcriedout,unabletohandlethetotaltsunamiofsensation.

“Andtheregoyoureyes,allcloudyandliquid.MeansI’mgettingclose.”Usingthetipsofhisfingersto
strokewhilehistonguedancedoverme,inme,hepushedmeclosertotheedge.AndthenIfelloverit,
intoaworldofnamelesspleasureandlight.Controladistantmemory,Icoulddonothingbutridethe
wavesofpleasuresoextremethatIwassureIforgottobreath.

Whenmyeyescleared,andmybrainreengaged,IlookedatEthan,thisboywhowasmoreofamanthan
mostmyage,whomademybodysinginawayIhadneverfeltbefore.IwonderedhowIwasgoingtosay
goodbye.AndthenIwatchedasallthecolordrainedfromhisface.Hestaredupandstaredatthe
doorwaybehindus.Thedoorwayfromwheremyson,faceashenandeyeslivid,waswatchingus.

“Icanexplain,Jack.”EthanstartedtospeakasIfranticallysearchedformypants,andmycomposure.

“Youcanexplain?How?Howcanyouexplainwhatyouandmymother,”Jackstoppedunabletomakehis

mouthsaythewords,“whatyoujustdid.Havebeendoing?Allsummerhaveyoubeenlivinghereand
fuckingmymother?”Jack’scolorhadgonefromashentoredhot,allthebloodrushingtohisheadmaking
himdizzywithangerandbetrayal.“Isaidhelpyourselftoanythingyouwant,man.Ididn’tmeanmy
mother!”

Hewasyellingnow,lookingatmeasIwaspullingonmypantsandtryingtoregainaniotaofdignity.
“Mom,howcouldyou?Haveyoubeenwhoringaroundwithallmyfriends?”Stillyelling,Jackstaredat
me,hurtbeyondbelief,“Idon’tevenknowwhoyouare.”

“That’senough,Jack.Youdonottalktoherlikethat.”Ethanhadfoundhisvoiceandincontrasttohis
scream,itwaslowandmeasured.“Itjusthappenedbetweenus.Wetriedtofightit,man.Youknowwe
wouldneverwanttohurtyou.”Hereachedanarmoverme,asIhadstartedtosob.“Thisthingbetween
us,isn’taboutyouatall.”

“Neverwanttohurtme?Notaboutme?WhatplanetareyoulivingonEthan?You’reacollegekid
screwingaroundwithyourfriend’smom?Nextthingyourgoingtotellmeyou’reinlove.”

“That’saboutright.”Ethanstoodhisground,unbowedtothetorrentofhisfriend'sanger.“Thatactuallyis
exactlyright.”

“Gotohell.Andfindyourowngoddamnridethere.”Ethanstormedoutandminuteslaterweheardthe
growlofhisbeatupsedangunoutofthedriveway.
Forminutes,EthanandIjuststoodthere,stunnedandunsureofhowtoproceed.Iwasnolongercrying,
nowholloweyedandcolorless,automaticallymovedtostartpickingupthelaundrythatwasspilled
acrossthefloor.

“Hewasmad.Hedidn’tmeanit.He’llcalmdownandwecantalktohim.”Ethanstoodtryingtoforgea
pathforwardforus.“Youdidn’tdeservewhathesaid.”

“OhEthan,ofcoursehemeantit.AndIdiddeserveit,allofit.Webrokehisheart.”Igaveuptryingtodo
something,anythingreally,andsatonthecouch,pullingablanketaroundme.Iwassocoldnow.“Iknow
myson,he’llcomebackwhenhecalmsdownandhemightevenforgiveus,buthewillneverforget.”I
lookedatEthan,stillstanding,stilltryingtofigureouthowtomakethisright.

“Ethanthiscanneverhappenagain.Wecanneverhappenagain.Iwillnotlosemyson,notforanything.”
AndwiththatIstoodandslowlywalkedtomyroom,leavingEthanalone,stillstanding.

ChapterThirteen

Jackhadbeenlayinginhisdormroom,headphoneson,whenEthancamestormingintotheroom.Without
asound,Jackshiftedhisposition,creatingabarrierthatspokelouderthanhiswordswouldbeableto.

InthetimethatittookEthantocomebacktocampus,Jackhadmuchtoprocess.Hestillcouldseehis
Momandbestfriendwrappedupinoneanother.Somanyquestionsfloodedhismind.Howlonghadthis
beengoingon?Wasitthefirstencounter,oroneofmany?Whomadethefirstmove?Howwasheever
goingtolookhismotherintheeyeagain?

Hewasn'tpreparedyettotalktoEthan.Infact,hewonderedifhe'deverbecomfortabletalkingtohim
again.He'dopeneduphishometohisbestfriendandapparentlyEthanusedthattohisadvantage.His
motherhadtohavebeenlonely.Vulnerable.

"Jack,Iknowyoudon'twanttotalktome,andIrespectthatman,Ido."Ethanbegan,clearinghisthroat,
"Ican'timaginewhatyouthinkofme,butIjustwantyoutoknow,I'dneverdoanythingtohurtyour
Mother.I'msorryIhurtyou,though."

Jacksatthereinstonysilence,pretendingtoreadabookthathehadgrabbedfromnearby.Hethought
aboutthewordshisfriendhadsaidandwhilehismindkeptrepeatingallthequestionshehadinhishead,
onlyonecameout,"Doyouloveher?"

Hedidn'tknowwhyhechosethatonewhentherewassomuchvitriolintherestofthem.Perhapsitwas
becausenoneoftheotherquestionsmatteredasmuchastheonehespoke.

"Ididn'tthinkI'dloveanyone.ItriedsohardtoloveLila,andyettheonlytimeIwasevenclosewas
whenColewasborn.Yourmother,"Ethanpaused,gatheringthecouragetofacehisfriend,"isspecialto
me.Idoloveher,morethanIeverthoughtpossible.I'msorrywehurtyou,youmustbelievethat."

"Whatwilldoyoudonow?"

ItwasEthan'sturntolookaway,thepaininhisheartthreateningtobetrayhisvoice."Shebrokeitoffwith
meafteryoustormedout.Whateveritwasgoingtobe,isn't."

Jackturnedbackaroundandfacedthewall.

Neitherofthemspoketoeachotheragainfortherestofthenight.

****

LightbrokethroughthewindowandJackwoketofindEthanalreadygonefortheday.Therewasnothing
butabedtightlymadeupwithfreshlinensandanotefoldedcrisplyonthepillowforhim.

Jack,

Iknowithadtobehardtoseewhatyousaw,andifIcouldtakeitbackIwould.Youseeingit,thatis.I
wouldnottakebacklovingMelody.ForalongtimeItriedtomakeitworkwithLila.Shewasmyfirst
realgirlfriend,buttherewasneverthatconnection,thatfeelingthatyoubelong.EversinceIfirst
spokewithMelody,Icouldn'tresisther.It'snotjustphysical,there'sarealconnectionthere.

I'mtryingtodorightforeveryoneinvolved.She'saskedmenottocontacthersothatshecanrepair
thedamagedonetoyourrelationshipwithher.That'skeytoher,nothingelsemattersmorethanyou.I
respectthatasafathermyself.

I'mstillhere,hopefullystillyourfriendeventhoughIwillunderstandifthatisn'tpossible.Ican
transfertoanotherdormroomatthestartofthenextsemesterifyou'dprefer.

Everythingisinyourhandsnow,Jack.

Again,I'msorry.
Ethan

Jackreadittwice,knowingthatintheend,hewouldendupforgivingthemboth.Butfornow,hejust
neededtobebyhimselftodealwithit.

ChapterFourteen

Twoweekslater...

ThetensionbetweenEthanandJackhadstartedtoerodeoverthepasttwoweeks.Slowly,thetwowere
gettingbacktohowitusedtobe.TheonlythingthatreallyseemeddifferentwasthewaythatEthandidn't
reallywanttodoanythingbutgotoclassandstudy.

ToJack,itseemedthatthefirehadgoneoutofhim.EthansawColeontheweekends,andplayedwith
him,readingtohimeverynight.Onenight,JackoverheardhimtellafishingstorytoColewhilehewas
tryingtogethimtofallasleep,andhecouldhavesworeheheardhimcryduringit.

He'dneverheardEthancry.

****

Ethanhadbeenoutofthedormallday,whichwasn'tlikehimonaweekend.Finally,justbeforenightfall,
therewasatentativeknockonthedoor.Itwasclosetotheholidays,andJackknewthereweremany
goingdoortodoortocollectfoodtodistributetothehomelessduringThanksgiving.

Jackscroungedtograbafewcansthatweresittingbythemakeshiftdormkitchen;atoasteroven,a
hotplate,andawell-wornmicrowave.Aftergrabbingenoughtomakeadonation,heopenedthedoorto
seeEthanthere,red-eyedfromcrying,carryingColeinonearmandaduffleintheother.

"Sheleft,Ethan."

"Wholeft?Anddon'tstandoutthere,bringthebabyinandgetcomfortable.Whyhaveyoubeengoneall
day?"Hehadsomanyquestionshebarelysloweddownlongenoughtogivehimachancetoeven
answer.

Ethansighed,droppedhisduffle,andgotColesituatedonhiscot.Assoonashewassettled,heturnedto
begin.

"IgotatextfromLilalatelastnightrightbeforeIwasfixingtocomehome.Well,nothome,buthere,you
knowwhatImean.Anyway,I'dbeentryingtoavoidyou,obviously,sothatyouwouldn'thavetodeal
withseeingme.IknowyouarestillupsetandIwasgivingyouspace."

Jacknodsandrollshishandasiftosay,"yeayeahurryupandgettothepoint."

"Shetextedmetosaythatshe'sfellinlovewithsomeone,someonenamedGrady,andthatshejusthadto
seeifitwouldwork.ApparentlythereissomeissuethereandshetextedmetocomegetCole,saidshe
couldn'tcareforhimrightnowandthatsheneededmetowatchhimforawhile.Idrovethereandgothim
andhavespenttherestofthetimejusttakingcareofhimandthinking."

"Whydidn'tyoucomebackhere?"

"Idid."Ethanstillhasn'tlookedJackintheeye.Heknowsthatatanymoment,Ethanmaycomeundone.

"NoImeantbeforethen.Wecouldhavefiguredthisoutsooner,whenitwasn'tsolate."

Colecriesandisgettingfussy.Otherthanabagofclothes,thereisn'tanythingthere.

"Idon'tknow.Idon'tknowwhatI'mgoingtodo.IguessIcouldgetsomeofmytrustfundandhirea
nanny."

"We'llgetthissorted,Iswearit."

ThesoftshudderingasEthanbreaksdownistoomuchforJack.Hewalksoverandsitsbesidehim,
wrappinganarmaroundhim.Thereisalongexhaleashestartstospeak.

"Iknowsomeonethatwouldbegreattohelp."

"Yea?Who?"Ethanlooksathimforthefirsttimesincecomingthroughthedoor,wipingawaythewetness
underneathhislefteye.

"Mymother."

Ethanshakeshisheadandlooksdownatthefloor."No,no.Ican't,Ijust...no."

"Listen,I'vebeenthinking.Bothofyouhaveseemedsodownlately.Youcanclearlytellthatitisripping
youbothapartthatyoutwoaren'ttogether.Irememberhowmymomwaswhenwewerethere,happyand
alive.Sowereyou.Nowyouboth....There'salightineachofyouthathasdied."

"Sheis?"

"EverySkypecallsheislessherself.Oractually,she'smorelikeshewasafterthedivorceandnotthe
new,betterversionofherself."

"Ididn'tknow.Ihaven'ttalkedtoher."

"Youworryaboutfindinganannytohelparoundhere,andIwillgocallMother.Then,youbothshould
talk."

"Allright,whateveryouthink.I'llcallaserviceandgetsomeoneinthenextfewdays."

"AndEthan?"

HelooksupfromthebedashecradlesCole,"Yes?"

"You'recomingtoThanksgivingdinner.We'regoingtoallbetogetherasafamily."

Andwiththatfinalstatement,Jackturnstoleavethedorm,clutchinghiscellinhishand.

ChapterFifteen

Theservicewasrightinthattheyhadsomeoneperfectthatwasavailabletous.Thankstoasizabletrust
fundthatEthanhadbeenhoardingforgraduateschool,thenannycametothemreadytohelpouton
weekendsandduringclasshours.

Jackwasnotabovetakinginherbeauty.Alexandriastoodabout5'5,withsoftflowingbrownhairand
jadegreeneyes.Herbodywasn'trailthinnorwasitoverweight,theperfectcollageoffitandcurvy.
Fromfirstglance,shetookJack'sbreathaway.

Butmorethanthat,henoticedthatEthandidn'ttakenoteatallofherfeatures,insteadfocusingonherjob
skillsandhisrequirements.

Hehopedthatitwasn'ttoolateforEthanandhismomtohavearealstartatalifetogether,oratleasta
relationshipnomatterhowlongtermitwas.Heknewhehadbeenselfish,butnowthatheunderstood,he
couldn'tkeepthemapart.He'dregretittherestofhislife.

****

WhileIwasshockedatfirsttogetthecallfromJackinthemiddleoftheafternoon,Iwasthrilledaswell.
Thingshadbeenso....stiffbetweenussincetheincident,andtherewasn'tanythingtodotoswayhis
mind.Ikepttellinghimhowmuchhemeanstomeandassuringhimthatitwouldneverhappenagain.

Hell,Ihaven'theardawordfromEthansincehepromisedtoleavemebewhenheleftherethatnight.I
wasbothappreciativeofhimkeepinghisword,andsaddenedthathecouldkeepthepromise.

ButherewasJack,tellingmeaboutLila,aboutsomegirlnamedAlexandria,andabouthowhewanted
nothingmorethantomakethingsright.Heapologized.Ican'tevenwrapmyheadaroundthat.He
apologizedtomeforstormingoutandnothavingarationaldiscussionthenandthere.Andthenheaskedif
theycouldallcometodinner.

Icouldn'tsayyesfastenough.

****

TheholidayswerealwaysaspecialtimeintheFisherhousehold,evenwhenitwasjustJackandI.There
wasalwaysplentytoeat,andthisThanksgivingwasnotgoingtobeanydifferent.Imadesurethatallhis
favoriteswerethere;roastedturkeyandgravy,mashedpotatoes,yeastrolls,greenbeans,candiedcarrots,
andfordessert,achocolatecake.IevenmadesurethatColehadplentytomushupandhave.

Soyes,itwasatraditionalholidaymeal,otherthanthefactthatJack'sbestfriendwouldbeattheheadof
thetablecarvingtheturkeywhileJackfussedwithColeinhisplaypen.ForonlyamomentIthoughtback
tothelasttimeitwasevenclosetothis;backwhenRussellwascarvingthebirdwhilecheckinghiscell
phone.ItwasonlyaweekorsolaterthatIrealizedthathewashavinganaffair.

Iwasstillhesitantandcareful,showingnoPDAaroundJackwithEthan.Isatatthetableaftereveryone
wasthereandmadesureeveryone'sglasswasfullandplatewasoverflowingwiththeirfavorites.Itried
tolookrelaxedandhappy,notlettingmynervousnesstakethebestofme.

WhenColegotfussy,Iwenttosoothehim.Itriednottoletitseemoddthatthingshadworkedoutso
well.

Ididn'taskJackthatweekendwhathadchangedhismind,butIknowIwill.It'llbeascabthatIwon'tbe
abletostoppickinguntilIknowwhatchangedforhimtobeokaywithitall.

Untilthen,EthanandIaregoingtotakeitslow.Whilewemayhavehadanincrediblypassionate
beginning,we'relearningabouteachothermorenow.Wedate,asweirdasthatseemsforme.Thereis
moreinteractingwitheachotherthangropingeachotherunderthetable.

AndI'veneverbeenhappierinmylife.

NowLive:AceintheHolebySummerWynter

http://www.amazon.com/dp/

B01N0WOZ8M

She’dledashelteredlifeupuntilthatpoint.

Freshoutofcollege,thelastthingRachelMcMasterexpectedforherreturnhomecelebrationwastofind
herfatherdownonhisknees,beggingaloansharknottocollectonhismassivegamblingdebts.Inone
desperateact,Rachelsacrificesherselftosaveherfather.Sheagreestoabargain,twoweeksofher
freedomowedtothedark,handsomeloansharkinexchangeforpaymentofherfather’sdebt.Shenever
thoughtthatshewouldberiskingherheartinthebargain.

Hethoughthewouldbetheonegivingorders.

WhenAndre"Ace"DiAntoniocametocollectonadebtheneverfactoredRachelintothebargain.As
soonashesawherheknewthathehadtohaveher.Jadedbypastrelationships,Andrevowstokeep
himselfatadistance.Forhimthecontractmeanspleasureonly,anincrediblysexywomanandsteamy
nights.Andrethinkshe’sgoingtobetheonegivingordersbuthesoonfindshimselfbuttingheadsand
fallingforthespiritedbeauty.

Willtheultimategamblepayoff?

Whatstartedoutasacontractsoonchangesintosomuchmore.NeitherAndrenorRachelwouldhave
bankedonthechargedattractionandtheincrediblepassionthatflaresbetweenthem.CanAndreand
Rachelkeepeachotheratadistanceorwillthedesiresbetraythem?