SoGood

GoodIntentionsBook2

By:KaylaCarson

Acknowledgments

Editor:KimberlyReese

CoverImage:Canstockphoto/artofphoto

CoverDesign:KaylaCarson

Copyright©2017byKaylaCarson

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,or

transmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,includingphotocopying,recording,orother

electronicormechanicalmethods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher,

exceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedincriticalreviewsandcertainother

noncommercialusespermittedbycopyrightlaw.

Chapter1Now

IwastrainedtohandleISIS.Throwagrenadeatme,andI’ddodgeit.Aimarifleatme,
andI’dshootfirst.FromthetimeIwastwentyyearsold,Ihadgivenmylifetothearmy.I
couldhandleanythingthattheenemythrewatme,butwhatIwasn’tpreparedfor,was
today.Today,mybabysisterwasmarryingmybestfriend.IhadknownWesfornearlyten
years,andIwouldgointobattlewithhimanyday.Infact,wedidjustthatalittleovera
yearagowhenIfoundouthewasinlovewithZoe.He’dprovenhimselfthough,andas
awkwardasitwastowatchhishandsonmybabysister,Ihadtogivehimthat.Hemade
herhappy,andintheend,thatwasallthatreallymattered.

OurparentspassedawaywhenZoewasonlysixteen,soI’dbegivingherawaytoday.She
hadbeenteasingmeendlessly,callingme“father”ofthebride.Theweddingwasbeing
heldonthebeach,andtheentireweddingpartywasgoingbarefoot.Ihadn’tseenherdress
yet,butIknewwhatevershechosewouldbebeautiful.Mysisterwasoneofthekindest
peopleIknew,andsheandWeshaddonegreatthingstogetherbyopeningupayouth
centerfortroubledkids.Itwasthriving,andIcouldn’thavebeenmoreproud.

Iadjustedmybowtieinthemirroroncemore,beforeheadingdownstairstofindWes.He
stayedwithmelastnight.Zoe,beingworriedaboutbadluckandseeingthebridebefore
thewedding.WhenIfoundhim,hewasleaningagainstthekitchencounter.Heworeatee
shirt,andapairofboxerbriefs,drinkingfromhiscoffeecup.“Morning.”Hesaid,raising
hiscupinmydirection.

“Wherethehell’syoursuit?”Iasked.

“RelaxDad,we’vegottime.”Hejoked,drainingtherestofhiscupandplacingitinthe
sink.

“Youdorealize,ifyou’relatetoyourownweddingZoewillcastrateyouright?”Isaid,
puttinganemphasesonthewordcastrate.

“Icanhandleher.”Hesaid,brushingpastmeandupthestairs.

Iletoutadeepsigh.Ihopeheknewwhathewasgettingintomarryingmysister.Shewas
aspitfire,whodidn’ttakeshitfromanyone.ItwassomethingI’dalwaysadmiredabout
her,notthatI’deveradmittothat.Myphonepingedwithatextmessage,andIpulledit
frommypocketcheckingthescreen.Thinkofthedevil,Ismirkedreadingwhatmysister
hadsent.

“Whyaren’tyouhereyet?AreyouwithWes?”

“We’reonourway.”Ilied,knowinganyotheranswerwouldprobablyturnherinto
bridezilla.

Sherespondedwithasmileyface,andItuckedmyphonebackintomypocketbefore
turningtowardsthestairs.“She’sreadytorun!”Icalledupfromthebottom.“Youbetter
getyourassingear!”

Hewasdownthestairsinmereseconds,withashockedlookonhisface.“Shewhat?”He
asked,doinguphisbeltbuckle.

“I’mjustfuckingwithyouman.”Isaid,slappinghimontheback.“Weneedtogothough,
Ialreadytoldherwewe’reonourway.”

Heflippedmethebird,beforetuckinghisownphoneintohispocket,andsittingdownto
tiehisshoes.Itwasawonderhedidn’tfalldownthestairshe’djustdescended.Whenwe
weresurewehadeverythingweneededwegotintomycar,andheadedtowardsthe
beach.Wedroveinsilence,andIcouldfeelthenervesrollingoffofmybestfriend.
“Relaxman.”Isaid,pointingtowardstheglovebox.Givingmethesideeye,heopened
thecompartment,onlytolaughoutloudwhenhedidso.

“Whatdon’tyouhave?”Heasked,grabbingthebottleofJackandcrackingthetopopen.

BeforeIcouldanswer,hetookanicelongswig,quicklyreturningittoit’splace.

“Nope.That’sopenintoxbrother.Youbetterfinishit.”Igoaded.

“Youwantyoursistertokillme?”

“Itwouldmakeforaninterestingreception.”Ilaughed,buthedidn’tjoinme.

Instead,helockedthegloveboxandturnedhisattentiontotheroadinfrontofus.We
wereonlytenminutesawayfromthevenue,soIpulledacoupleofcigarsfromwheremy
pocketsquareshouldhavebeen.“Foroldtimessake?”Iasked,tossingoneinhis
direction.

Hesmiled,bringingittohisnose.“Shit,Ihaven’tsmelledoneofthesesincewewere
deployed.”

“Youmissit?”Iasked.

“Imissblowingshitup.ButthelifeIhavenow,withZoe,Iwouldn’ttradeitforanything.
It’sgoodbrother,youneedtogetyousomegood.”

“Youknowme.ThearmyisallI’lleverneed.She’samightymistress,keepsmeonmy
toes.”

“IneverthoughtI’dbegettingmarriedeither.Fate’safunnything.”

“YouknowIdon’tbelieveinallthatmumbojumbo.Thingsdon’thavesomegreater
purpose.Theyjust..are.Weallhaveonelife,andwechoosetoliveithowwewish.The
universe,orthecosmos,havenofuckingsayinit.”

“Believewhatyouwant.ButIneverwouldhavefoundZoe,ifIhadn’tcomewithyou.”

Inoddedmyagreement,aswepulledthecarintoanemptyparkingspot.Thesmalllot
wasalreadybeginningtofill,andWesandIwerejustabletoslipinsidewithoutbeing
noticed.Wehadasmallbuildingtogetreadyinbeforethepriestarrived,withtwo
separateentrances.Oneforthebride’sparty,andtheotherforthegroom’s.Itwasn’ta
largeweddingparty.Itconsistedofthebestman,andmaidofhonorofcourse,andthen
therewasme.IwaswalkingZoedowntheaisle,andIknewshewasreallymissingour
fathertoday,soItriedtomakesurethingswentassmoothlyaspossible.

“Youreadytosignyourlifeaway?”Coleasked,slappingWesontheback.

“Absolutely.”Hesaid.

Withonelasthandshake,WesheadedouttothebeachtowaitforZoe.Colewaspaired
withthemaidofhonor,afriendZoeworkedwithnamedMarcie,andasforme,Ihada
bridetowalkdowntheaisle.IfoundZoesittingonabenchinherdressingroom.Herveil
wasflowingdownherback,andwhenshestoodtogreetme,Icouldn’thelpbutsmile.
Shelookedbeautifulinherdress.Itwasstrapless,andfittedinthebodice,withintricate
beadingthroughout.Anditfloweddownaroundheranklesinawaythatwouldmakeit
danceinthewindasshewalked.

“They’replayingoursong.”Isaid,pointingtothespeakerintheceiling.“Youstillhave
timetorun,justsaytheword.”Iteased.

Sheslappedmeplayfullyonmychest,andIpulledheragainstmeforahug.“Teamo,
Hermana.”(Iloveyou,sister.)

“Yotambienteamo.”(Iloveyoutoo.)

WhenZoe’sarmloopedinmine,itwasmewhotookadeepbreath.Iknewshewasn’ta
littlegirlanymore,andIknewWeswouldprotectherwithhislife,butitwasstilla
bittersweetmoment.Herveilhungoverherfacenow,hidingherexpressionfromhis.But
theexpressionhewore,wasallIneededasreassurance.Hehadtearsinhiseyes,and
anyonewhoknewWestonGranger,knewhedidn’tcry.

Ireleasedmysister,placingherhandsinhis,beforetakingmyplacebesideher.Iwatched
asheliftedherveil,mouthingthewords“Iloveyou”asthepreistbegantheceremony.
Whenhegottothepartaboutobjections,Iopenedmysuitjacket.Ialwayscarried,and
theguestslaughed,whenIgesturedtomygun.Zoe,rolledhereyesbeforereturningher
gazebacktothemanshewouldnowcallhusband,andforthefirsttime,Iwonderedif
Weswasright.

Iglancedaroundattheguests,notingmostofthemwerecouples.Theywereholding
hands,whisperingcontently,evensnugglingtogether,justwatchinginbliss.Forthelast
sixyearsI’dgivenmylifetothearmy,andasmuchasIenjoywhatIdo,it’salonelylife
tolive,especiallywhenyoudon’thaveanyonetocomehometo.Forthefirsttime,I
foundmyselfwishingforsomeofthatgood.

Chapter2Then

“Zoe,don’targuewithmetodayalright.Igetit,yoursixteen,notsix,butyoucannotwear
thatdresstoschooltoday.”Isaidforthethirdtimethismorning,andalsoforthethird
timethismorning,Iwasflippedthebird.Ourparentshadbeengoneforsixmonths,and
whileZoeandIhadgottenintoanewsenseofnormalcy,Iwasn’texactlywhatyouwould
callafatherfigure.Iwaseighteen,andhadnoideawhattodowithmylife.I’dgraduated
highschool,andmyonlygoalnowwastomakesurethatZoedidthesame.LettingZoe
gointofostercarewasn’tanoption.Iobtainedlegalguardianshipofher,andtherestwas
history.

Iknewshewasstillmourningourparents,aswasI,buttheattitudefromasixteenyear
oldgirlwasn’tsomethingIwaspreparedtodealwith.Theeighthoursadaythatshewas
inschoolwastheonlytimeIfeltatpeace.AndthentherewasEvangeline.Wehadbeen
friendssincewewerekids,andshewastheonlypersonwhostuckaroundaftermy
parentsdied.Shebroughtoverfood,andeventaughtmetocookafewsimplemeals.I
wasgratefultohaveafriend,andshewasgratefultogetoutofherhouse.Eviewasthe
mainreasonIdidn’twantZoeinfostercare.I’dseenthebruises,andthedarkcircles
underhereyes.Itbrokemyheartseeingherthatway.

“Happynow?”Zoeasked,whenshecameboundingdownthestairsinapairofjean
shorts.

“Openyourbackpack.”Isaid,crossingmyarmsovermychest.

“Seriously!”Shesaid,stompingherfootandrollinghereyes,beforeremovingher
backpackandtossingitatme.

Icaughtitwithanumph,andcheckedinside.Itwouldn’tbethefirsttimeshetriedto
sneakadifferentoutfitinsideonlytochangeonceshegottoschool.SatisfiedthatI’dwon
thisroundItossedthebagbacktoher.“Youbettergetgoing,oryou’regoingtobelate.”I
saidtossingherthekeystoourmother’scar.

“Thanks.”Shesaid,beforelettingmehughergoodbye.

Wewereclose,andevenmoresonowthatwe’dlostourparents.Youneverknewhow
muchtimeyoutrulyhadinlife,andforthatreason,wedecidedtoneverleteachotherfeel
alone.Itwasasillypromise,butonethatIheldonto.Iwasterrified,butIcouldn’tlether
knowthat.Forher,Iwassteel,andkryptonite,allatonce.Iwatchedherpulloutofthe
longdriveway,andletoutaslow,deliberatebreathbeforereachingintomybackpocketto
dialEvie.

Sheansweredonthesecondring,andIsmiled.“Morning.”

“Morningstranger.”

“Youwannameetforbreakfast?”

“CouldIjustcomeoverthere?”

“Yeah,sure.”

“Seeyousoon.”

“Seeyousoon.”

Lookingaroundthekitchen,Iquicklyrealizedwhatamessitwasandbegantossingall
thedirtydishesintothedishwasher.Iranthroughthehousegrabbingdirtylaundryoffthe
floor,andshovingrandomthingsintothehallcloset.Idon’tknowwhyIwasnervous,it
wasonlyEvie.WhenIwassurethehousewassomewhatpresentable,Iranupstairsto
jumpintheshower.

Ihadjustmadeittothebottomofthestairswhenthedoorbellrang,andIhalfjoggedto
answerit,stillpullingmyteeshirtovermyhead.“Sorry.”Ilaughed,takinginEvie’s
expression.“Ineededaquick-what’swrong?”Iasked,studyingherfacemorecarefully
thistime.Beforeshecouldanswer,tearsbegantofallfromhereyes,andIpulledher
inside,andintomyarmsinanattempttocomforther.“Evie..talktome.”Iwhispered.

Pullingaway,sheslidhersweaterfromhershoulders,andletitfalltothefloor.Arms
trembling,sheturnedthemovertorevealsmallroundburnsonherupperforearms.

“Whathappened?Whodidthistoyou?”IaskedwithmoreangerthanIintended.

“Iforgottowashhisworkclothes,so..hepunishedme.AburnforeverypairofpantsI’d
forgotten.Hesaidnexttime,itwillbeworse.Jake,Ididn’tknowwhereelsetogo,IjustI
neededtotalktosomeone.”

“I’llfuckingkillhim.”Isaid,reachingaroundherforthedoor.“Stayhere.”Isaidwith
bite.

“Jakeno!”Sheallbutscreamed,blockingmyway.“ThinkaboutZoe!They’dtakeher
away.”Shesobbed.

“Alright.Alright.”Isaid,pullingherintomyembraceinanattempttocomforther.“What
canIdo?”

“Just..this.”Shewhispered.

Inoddedagainstherhead,kissingthetopofit,beforeleadingusbothtothecouchtosit
down.Iheldhertherewhileshecried,herbodyshakingagainstmine,wantingnothing
morethantobustoutofthatdoor,andovertoherfosterfamily’shouse,butknowingthis
iswheresheneededme.“Onemoremonthright?”Iasked,inasoothingtone.“You’llbe
eighteen,andyou’llbeout.”

“I’msorry.”Shesaideasingawayfromme,andsittingup.“You’remyonlyfriendJake.”

“Andyou’remine.”Isaidwithasmallshrug.“Youwanttoeat?”

Shelaughed,noddingenthusiastically.Evielovedfood,andIlovedwatchingher.Shehad
apassionforcooking,andevenhergrilledcheesesandwichestastedbetterthananythingI
evercouldhavemade.Wesatacrossfromoneanothereatingourimpromptubreakfast
andlaughinglikewealwaysdid.EverythingwassoeasyEvie,andIwishedthattherest
ofmylifecouldbethatway.

“How’sZoe?”Sheasked,aroundabiteofhertoast.

“Pushingeverylimitknowntomankind.I’lltellyouonething,I’mneverhavingkids.”I
joked.

“Never?”Evieasked,archingabrow.“I’msurehavingyourownkidswouldbeentirely
different.Iwantatleastfour.”Shesmiled,laughingatmyfacialexpression.“Ineverhada
momanddadgrowingup,I’dliketothinkthatIcouldgivethattosomeoneelse.”

Inoddedinunderstanding.“Youwill.”Isaid,reachingacrossthetabletogripherhand.
“Haveyouthoughtaboutwhatyouwanttodowhenyoumoveout?”

“IgotacceptedtoUSC,andwithmypoorgirlscholarshipIshouldcoverallexpenses
includingthedormroom.”

“Don’tcallitapoorgirlscholarshipEvie,you’veworkedhardtogetwhereyouare.How
youmangea4.0everyyearwitheverythingthatgoesonathomeisbeyondme.”

“Whataboutyou?”Sheaskedshrugginghershoulders,andchangingthesubject.

“I’mgoingtokeepworkingatthesupermarketuntilZoe’seighteen,andthenI’vebeen
thinkingaboutenlisting.Ijustneedtogetawayyouknow,clearmyhead.Findsomething
tokeepbusy.Ithinkitwillbegoodforme.”

“Thearmy?Wow.”Shesaid,pullingherhandaway.

“Heyitisn’tforanothertwoyears,andbesidesI’llbehomeallthetimetovisit.”Iassured
her.

“It’sabigstep.ButIcanseeyoudoingit.Itsuitsyou.”Shesmiled.

“Whataboutyou?You’llbedoctorEvangelinePerez.”

“Yeainaboutsevenyears.”Shejoked,takingasipfromherPepsi.

“It’llbeworthit.”Isaid,sincerely.“Itwillallbe.Everythingwe’vegonethroughwill
eventuallybeworthit.Right?”

“Ihavetobelievethatitwillbe.”

Chapter3Now

TheDJannouncedthecouple’sfirstdance,andIwatchedasWesspunmybabysister
aroundinthesand.Theentirebeachwasfullofsolarlights,andChristmaslightswere
strungfromthechairs.Itwasabeautifulnight,andabeautifulwedding.AssadasIwasto
beofficiallylosingZoe,Iwasalsograteful.Shehadatoughtimeafterlosingourparents,
andshedeservedtobehappy.

Whenthesongfinished,othercouplesbegantofillthespaceinthesand.Isat,and
watchedastheyallswayedtothemusic.Ismiled,andlaughed,whenanoldercoupledid
adramaticdip.ThatwouldbeZoesomeday,butitwouldn’tbeme.Ineverhadtimefor
anykindofrelationshipotherthanasexualone,andtherewasonlyeveronegirlthatI
trulycaredabout.

EviePerez,mybestfriendasateen,butIhaven’tseenherintwoyears.Shewasonher
lastyearofresidency,andwasprobablylivingherdreambynow.Shewastheonlyperson
Icouldtrulybemyselfaround,Iwasn’texactlyasociablekid,andshepulledmeoutof
myshelljustbybeingher.Night’slikethis,mademerealizehowmuchItrulymissedher.

Ataponmyshoulder,shookmefrommythoughtsasIstarredupintomysister’sbig
browneyes.“Dancewithme?”Sheasked,withasmile.

“Ofcourse.”Ismiledback,standing,andtakingherhandinmine.“Youlookbeautiful.”I
said,whenIwasholdingheronthedancefloor.

“Thankyou.”Shesighed,lookingaroundatherguests.“Youknow,Ihaveafewsingle
friendsheretonight..I’dbehappytohookyouup.”

“Zoe.”Iwarned,makingherrollhereyes.

“Alright.”Shesaid,givingupfornow,andallowingmetoleadheraroundinthesand.

Thesonghadonlybeenoverforamatterofseconds,beforeWeswasstealingheraway
frommeagain.Igladlydodgedtheblinddatebullet,andslippedawaytowardstheopen
bar.Grabbingabeer,Itookaseatonthebarstool,andtookalongpullfrommybottle.

“MindifIjoinyou?”Afamiliarvoiceasked.

“Whynot.”Isaid,pattingthestoolbesideme.

ColetooktheseatIoffered,andgrabbedabeerofhisown.HewasWes’fosterbrother,
andservedasbestmanintheweddingtoday.Hehadbecomelikeabrothertomeaswell,
especiallyafterwhathappenedlastyear.ZoewaskidnappedbyWes’crazyexfostersister
Vanessa,andCole,wasalmostdestroyed.He’dbeenturnedintoadrugkingpin,and
lockedinjail,allbecauseWesleftafosterhometheysharedwithouther.Tobefair,he
didn’tknowshewantedtocomealong,butinhereyes,hedid.Colesavedallofourlives
thatday,andeventhoughIalwaysthoughthewasabitofafuckup,heearnedmy
respect.

“Ican’tbelievehedidit.”Colesaid,slamminghisemptybeerdownonthecounter,and
selectinganother.

“You’llbenextifyouaren’tcarefulbrother.”Isaid,grinning.

“Shit.”Hesnortlaughed,takingaswigfromhisbottle.“HarperandIareonlyfriends.
Besides,shehasalotofskeletonsinhercloset,andI’mdefinitelynotthemantohelpher
getridofthem.”

“Youdon’tthinkwe’venoticedthewayyoutalkabouther?You’vegotitbad.”

“She’sasweetgirl.”

“Woman.She’sasweetwoman,whohasyouwrappedaroundherprettylittlefinger.”

“Itdoesn’tmatter,doesit?She’sstuckinsomeGodforsakeninstitution,whatifshenever
getsout?”

HarperBlue,wasVanessa’syoungersister.Shehadbeenthroughatraumaticordealasa
child,andVanessatriedtoshieldherasbestasshecould,butsomethinginsideofHarper
broke.Shewasinstitutionalizedwhenshejustthirteen,andnowshewastwentythree,
sameasCole.Whenwefoundoutabouther,hebegantovisither,andtheybecamefast
friends.WeallknewColehadathingforher,buthewasright,shewasinthere,andhe
wasouthere.WithVanessabeingheronlylivingrelative,andlockedupinprison,there
wasn’tmuchColecoulddo.

“Shewill.Yousaidityourself,she’sgettingbettereveryday,andthat’sbecauseofyou.”

“Maybe.”Hesaid,polishingoffhissecondbeer,andreachingforathird.

“Youmightwannaslowdown.”Isaid,cockingmyheadinWes’direction.

“Fuckhim.”Hesaidbringinghisbottletohislips,andslammingitonthecounter.“I’ve
gotabridetodancewith.”Hewinked,beforepattingmeontheback,andheading
towardsZoe.

Ilaughed,shakingmyhead.Colewasalwaysthekidtopushthelimits,especiallywith
Wes.Ikindoflikedthatabouthim,someonehadtokeepmybestfriendonhistoesafter
all.NotthatZoewasn’tdoingadamnfinejobofitalready.Intheyearandahalfthatthey
hadbeentogether,Weshadbecomeacompletelydifferentman.Hewasstillthesame
cockybastardI’dservedwith,buthewaslessofahothead.

Zoe’slaughter,caughtmyattentionandIlaughedwithherwhenIwitnessedCole
attemptingtodipherthewaytheelderlycouplehaddoneearlier.Hewasmuchless
graceful,andnearlyfellontopofher.Luckyforhim,mysisterhadasenseofhumor,and
withakissonthecheek,shesenthimonhiswaybeforeglidingbackintoWes’arms.I
finishedmythirdbeer,andreachedaroundthebarforanother.Iwasdefinitelycallingan
Ubertonight.

Iwashomeforthreeweeks.Threesolidweeksofsittingbymyselfinabigemptyhouse,
thatnolongerfeltlikehome.ZoeandWeswouldbegoneontheirhoneymoon,andthe
friendsthatIdidhave,Idon’tanymore.It’sfunnyhowfriendshipsfade.Onedayyou’re
talkingaboutthefuture,andhowyouwanthousesnextdoortoeachother,andthenext
you’releftallalone,withnothingbutthememoriestokeepyoucompany.Atleastthat’s
whathappenedwithEvie.ThemoreIdrank,themoreIthoughtabouther,butforsome
reason,Icouldn’tbringmyselftostop.

Ilostcountafterseven,andthepeoplearoundmewereallbeginningtoblendtogether.I

knewmylimit,butIhadn’tpassedityet.Aquickdipinthewaterwouldsobermeright
up,Ithoughtlooseningmytie,andshruggingmyjacketoff.Iwasalreadybarefoot,so
slippingmypantsoffseemedlikethenextlogicalmove.Imangedtomakeitafewfeet
fromthewater,beforeWesranoutinfrontofme.

“Whatareyoudoingman?”Heasked,withhumorinhiseyes.

“Justneedtosoberupabit.”Isaid,inavoicethatdidn’tsoundlikemyown.

“Soyoucandrinksomemore?Idon’tthinksoman,letmecallyouanUberalright?”

“No!It’searly,andit’syourwedding.”Islurred,leaningheavilyagainsthim.“Youmadea
beautifulbride–groom!”Icorrectedmyself.

“Buddy,you’reatmyweddingreception,inyourunderwear.”Hesaid,quietly.

Ilookeddownatmybarefeetandsmiled.Hewasright.Reachingforthebandofmy
boxersIsaid“Ishouldofthoughtaboutthatsooner.”Andbeforehehadthechancetostop
me,Iwasrunningbareassnakedintothecoolwater.ThelastthingIheardbefore
plunginginwerehoopsandhollersfromthewomenoftheparty,andIsmiledinwardly,
enjoyingeverysecond.

Iswamoutaways,andwhenIspunarounditwastoseeWes.He’djumpedinafterme,
clothesandall,andwhenhereachedme,helookedlikehewasreadytokillme.Icouldn’t
helpit.Istartedlaughinguncontrollably.“Whendidyoubecomesuchastickinthemud
WesGranger?”Iasked,splashingwaterathim.

“Oneofushastomakesureyourdrunkassdoesn’tdrowninthedamnocean!”Hesaid,
splashingmebackwithanger.

Acrowdhadformedattheedgeofthebeach,Zoebeingdeadinthecenter,butitwasn’t
herwhocaughtmyattention.IgnoringWesalltogether,Istartedfortheshore,myeyes
lockedonthewomantomysister’sright.WhenIwascloseenoughtoseeherface,my
eyeswidenedindisbelief.“Evie?”Iasked,thewonderinmyvoiceevident.

“HiJake.”Shesaidquietly.

Chapter4Then

Zoeturnedeighteenthreeweeksago,andtruetomyword,Iwentdowntoourlocal
recruitingoffice,andenlisted.Evie,hadbeenavoidingme.Sheknewhowmuchthearmy
meanttome,andeventhoughshestartedcollege,andhadherownpathaheadofhershe
wasworriedaboutme.Iunderstoodherworry,andifIwasbeinghonest,Iwasabit
worriedmyself.Joiningthearmywasabigdeal,itwasn’tatypicalninetofivejob.Itwas
aliterallifeanddeathkindofjob,andasmuchasIhatedtoadmitit,theremaybeaday
thatIdon’tgettocomehome.That’swhatscaredZoetoo,andsheandEviehadaunited
front.

Ilistenedtotheirconcerns,andtriedtoassurethemineverywaythatIcould.Eventually,
Zoegaveup.Sheknewmymindwasmadeup,andshepromisedtosupportme.Iwas
meetingEvielaterfordinner,andIhopedIcouldconvincehertodothesame.Imade
reservationsatarestaurantneitherofuscouldafford,butIwantedourlastnighttogether
tobeahappymemory.IwantedsomethingtoholdontowhenIleft,andIimagineEvie
wouldtoo.

Iplannedthewholeevening,andsinceitwasmylastnightinCalifornia,Iwantedto
makeitmemorable.Idressed,inasuit,andtie,butdecidedagainstthetielater,andleftit
onthekitchentable.IwaspickingEvieupfromherapartment,andwhenIpulledintothe
complexmynervesstartedtogetthebetterofme.Thiswasn’tevenadate,thiswasjust
dinnerwithmybestfriend,butforwhateverreason,itfeltlikemorethanthat.

Iknockedonherdoor,andwaited,glancingaroundtheparkinglotnervouslyuntilshe
answered.“Wow.”Shesaid,withablushcreepinguponherface.“ShouldIchange?”
Sheasked,smoothingherdressoverherhips.

“Youlookbeautiful.”Isaid,offeringhermyarm.

Shelaughed,beforeacceptingit,andallowingmetowalkhertomycar.Iopenedherdoor
forher,andshuthersecurelyinside,beforeImademywaybacktothedriver’sseat.

“Wherearewegoing?”Sheasked,asIpulledoutontotheroad.

“Bestia.”Isaidwithawidegrin.

“ThattrendyItalianrestaurantownedbythatadorablecouple?It’sbeenalloverthenews
recently!Butit’ssoooexpensive.Jake,wecanjustgosomewhereelse.”Shesaid,the
excitementfadingfromhervoice.

“ReservationshavebeenmadeforamonthEvie,we’regoing.”Isaidwithawink.“I
knowhowmuchyouloveItalian.Thisismytreat,alright.Mywayofsayingthankyou
forbeinginmycorneralltheseyears.”

“Well,whenyouputitlikethat.”Shesaidturningtolookoutthewindow,inanattemptto
hidehergrowingsmile.

Iknewshewouldlovethesurprise,justlikeIknewthisdinnerwasgoingtochangethings
betweenus.Wehadbeenaconstantineachother’slivesforthepastsixyears,andnowI
wasbreakingthatup.IwasEvie’sshoulder,andthemoreIthoughtaboutit,theworseI
feltforleavingher.

“Pennyforyourthoughts?”Sheasked,sensingmysuddenshiftinmood.

“JustthinkingabouthowmuchI’llmissyou.”Isaid,withaslywink.

“I’llmissyoutooJake.”Shesaid,reachingformyhandandgraspingithard.

“Enoughofthat.”Isaid,plasteringasmilebackonmyface.“We’rehere.”

Itookherhandinmine,andtogetherwewalkedintotherestaurant.Theplacewashuge,
andoverlylavish.Itdefinitelywasn’tmyscene,butitseemedfittingforasendoff.

“Istillcan’tbelieveyoubroughtmehere.Thisplacecostsafortune!”Shehalfwhispered,
asshelookedoverhermenu.

“Orderwhateveryouwant.”Ireplied,shruggingmyshoulders.

“Jake.Eventhesaladistwentydollars!”Shesaid,withexasperation.

Whenthewaiterstoppedinfrontofourtable,Igavehimawidesmile.“We’lltaketwo
porterhousesteaksplease.I’lltakeminemediumrare,andshe’llhaveherswelldone.Oh,
andwe’dalsoliketheappetizersamplertray,theonewiththeshrimp.”

“Ofcoursesir.”Thewaiterreplied.“Andtodrink?”

TheonlydownfallofthiseveningwasthefactthatEvieandIwereonlytwenty.IfIhad
myway,Iwouldhaveorderedusabottleofwine.“We’lltakeyourfinestbottleof
sparklingwaterplease.”Thewaitergavemeahalfsmile,beforedisappearingwithhis
ticket,andreturningwithabottleonice.

“Sparklingwater?”Evielaughed.“Youknow,wecouldhavejustatedinneratyourhouse,
andraidedyourparentsliquorcabinet.”

“We’repayingfortheambianceEvie.Whereelseintheworldcouldweexperiencereal
italiandining?”Iteased.

“Idon’tknow..Italymaybe.”Shedeadpanned,causingusbothtoeruptinlaughter.

“Ipromisetotakeyouoneday.ToItaly.”Isaid,whenourlaughterhaddieddown.

“Doyouthinkwe’llstillbefriendswhenthatdaycomes?”Sheasked,soundingabit
sombernow.

“Ihavenodoubtinmymind.”Isaidraisingmyglasstohers.

“Ican’tbelievewewenttothemostextravegantItalianrestaurantinthestate,andwe
didn’tevenorderItalian!”Eviejoked,asIpulledmycarintoherdriveway.

“There’salwaysnexttime.”

“ThanksfortonightJake.”Shesaid,whenwereachedherdoor.“I’mreallygoingtomiss
havingyouaround.”

Atearslidfromhereye,downhercheek,andIcouldfeelmyheartbreakinginmychest.
ReachingupIbrusheditawaywithmythumb,givingherasmallsmile.“Ipromiseto
writeyou.Andyouknow,theyhavethisamazingthingcalledtheinternetnow.”Iteased.

“Youwanttocomeinforonemoredrink?”Sheasked,assheturnedawayfrommeto
unlockherdoor.

“Definitely.Sparklingwaterhadallthefizzbutnoneoftheburn.”

“You’reinluck,I’vegotabottlewithyournameonit.”

IfollowedEvieintohersmallonebedroomapartment.Shehadacouch,andasmall
diningroomtable,butlittleelse,andIhadneverseenherhappier.Herchildhoodwas
anythingbuthappy,sotoseeherfinallyoutofthefosterhomes,andoutonherownmade
mefillwithasenseofpride.EviePerezwasgoingplaces,andIwasalittlesadIwouldn’t
beheretoseewhere.

Shereturnedfromthekitchen,withtwoglassesinherhand.Itookasniffwhenshe
handedmemine,andIsmiled.“JackDaniels.”Isaid,beforetakingasip.

“Onlythefinestformybestfriend.”Shejoked,takingasipofherown.

Afterfinishingtwoglasseseach,wedecidedtositdownonthecouch.Ratherthansideby
side,wesatfacingeachothertalkingaboutoldtimes,andwalkingdownmemorylane.I
madeherpromisetocheckinonZoefromtimetotime,andshemademepromisenotto
die.Ofcourse,mypromisetoherwaseasiersaidthandone,andwebothknewthat.We
laughedsohardthatourstomachshurt,thewhiskeylooseningusup.BeforeIknewit,it
wasalmostteno’clock,andIhadaflighttocatchinthemorning.

WhenIstood,Eviestoodwithme.Thelaughterallofasuddendrainedfromhereyes.
Therealitythatthiswasgoodbye,hadfinallybeguntosinkin.Notjustforher,butforme
aswell.Hertearscamethen,stronger,harder,thanthelonetearI’dwipedawayonher
frontstoop.Ipulledherintome,inanembracethatwasmeanttocomfort,butinstead
turnedintosomethingmore.Ifelttheshiftinthatembracealmostassoonasherbody
meltedintomine.Andwhenshepulledaway,Icouldn’thelpit.Ikissedher,anditwas
boththedumbest,andthebestthingthatIhaddoneinmyentirelife.

Chapter5Now

Idon’tknowwhatshockedmemore.ThefactthatEviePerezwasstandinginfrontofme,
orthatIdrunkdoveintothewateratmysister’swedding.Ididn’treallyhavetimeto
processthough,becauseWeswashaulingmeaway,andintothesmallbuildingwewerein
earlier.Iwentwillingly,butitdidn’tstopmefromlookingovermyshoulder.Iwas
smashed,butI’dknowthatwomananywhere.

WhenWesandIweresafelyshutbehindthedoor,Iwaswaitingforhimtoletmehaveit.
TotellmeI’druinedZoe’sperfectday.AndIdeservedit,Ireallydid.ButIneededtosee
Evie.Ineededanswers.“LookWes-”Istarted,butheheldhishandupstoppingme.

“There’sachangeofclothesinthecloset.Ibroughtthemforme,soIdidn’thavetospend
allnightinthismonkeysuit,butitlookslikeyouneedemmorethanmebrother.”

“I-thankyou.”Istammered,turningtowardsthecloset.

“Oh,andbuddybeforeyougooutthereandmakeanassoutofyourselfwiththegirl,you
mightwanttoswisharoundalittlemouthwash.”

“It’sEvie.”Isaid,inawayofanexplaination.ItoldWesallaboutherwhenheenlisted,
andhewasbymysidewhenshedisappeared.Sohavinghimherenow,helpingmegetmy
shittogether,meantalottome.Ifanyoneunderstoodwhatitwasliketolovesomeone
wholeheartedlyitwasWes.

“Iknowbrother.”Hesaid,pattingmeontheshoulder.“Gogether.”

Andjustlikethat,hewasgone.Itookadeepbreath,andlookedatmyselfinthemirror.
Myeyeswerered,andIcouldbarelystandstraight.Thewaterhadwokenmeup,butit
didn’twashawaythestenchofalcoholthatseemedtopermeatefromme.Ipeeledmywet
clothesofftossingthemtothefloor,andwalkedstarknakedtothecloset.Ifoundapairof
Wes’jeans,andawhiteteeshirt.Idecidedtoleavetheboxersalone,andgoitcommando.
Thereweresomethingsyoujustdon’tsharewithsomeone,evenyourbestfriend.

Aftersplashingwateronmyface,andusingthesmallbarofsoaptocoversomeofthe
ocean’sscentItookadeepbreath.Itwasnow,ornever,andIhopedlikehellthatwhenI
walkedbackoutontothatbeachthatEviewasstillthere.

Ifoundhereasyenough,shewasstandingbesideZoelaughingatsomethingWeshad
said.Icouldn’thelpbutsmileatthesound,ithadbeenyearssinceI’dheardit,andI
missedit.Shelookedbeautifulinapinkflowydress,herdarkcurlshangingdowntothe
middleofherback.Itwasshort,thelasttimeIseenher.Imademywayslowlytowardthe
trio,clearingmythroatquietlywhenIreachedthem.

ZoereachedforWes’hand,andmumbledsomethingaboutneedingtotalktothecaterer,
leavingEvieandIalone,facetoface,forthefirsttimeinalmostthreeyears.“Youlook
goodEvie.”Isaid,awkwardlyrunningmyhandthroughmydampenedhair.“Howare
you,howhaveyoubeen?”

“Doyouwanttogosomewhereandtalk?”Sheasked,tuckingastrandofhairbehindher
ear.Itwasanervoushabit,onethatIhadcometothinkwasadorable,andIcouldn’thelp
butsmile.

“I’dlikethat.”

Thetwoofuswalkedawaysdownthebeach,awayfromanypryingeyes,orears,and
whenEviesatdowninthesand,Isatdownbesideher.“Iimagineyouhavealotof
questions.”Shesaid,nervously.

“Youcouldsaythat.”

“Look.I’msorryaboutthewayIleftthings.Ishouldhaveleftanote,orsomething.I
knowyouwereprobablyworried.IknowIwouldhavebeen.”

“Sowhydidn’tyou?Whydidyoujustrunaway?Whathappened?”Iasked,theanger
risinginmyvoicewitheachunansweredquestion.

“Maybethiswasn’tsuchagoodidea.”Shesaid,standing,andturningawayfromme.

Itriedtokeepalevelhead.ItriedtorememberwhereIwas,andtothinkabouthowlosing
mygriponmysister’sweddingdaywasn’tanoption,butIcouldn’t.Sheranaway.She
leftwithoutsayingoneGoddamnedword,andnowshe’sactinglikeshedoesn’toweme
somekindofexplaination?Icouldn’ttakeitanymore.“Maybeyourunningawayfrom
yourfeelingslikeacowardwasn’tsuchagoodidea!”Isaidwithbite.“Didyoueverthink
aboutthat?”Iregrettedtheharshness,theminutehershouldersslumped,andshebeganto
cry.

Iwantedtoreachforher,toturnheraroundandpullherintomyarmslikeIusedtodoto
comforther,buttoomanyyearshadpassed.Iwasn’tevensureifIknewwhoshewas
anymore.“I’msorry.Ishouldn’thavegoneofflikethat.”Isaidonasigh.

“No.I’msorry.Youhaveeveryrighttobeangry.ImessedeverythingupJake,andI’ve
beenpayingforiteversince.”Shesobbed,stillfacingawayfromme.

Placingmyhandonhershoulder,Islowlyspunheraroundtofaceme.Tearswere
streamingdownherface,andshequicklycoveredhereyeswithherhands.Icouldn’thelp
it,Ireachedforher,pulledherintomychest,andlethercry.Hersobsonlygotlouder
then,andwhenshewrappedherarmsaroundmywaist,squeezingtightly,Ismiled.Ithad
beenovertwoyears,andyetIstillrememberedthewayherbodyfitagainstmine,likewe
weremadetofittogether.

“Letsgetoutofherehuh?Gograbacupofcoffeeatthatallnightdineryouwerealways
sofondof?”Iasked,inanattempttostophertears.

Beforeshehadthechancetoanswer,thesoundofamanclearinghisthroathadher
pullingawayfromme.“Sorrytointerrupt..”Hestarted,lookingabitdisheveled.“It’sjust,
thesittercalled,anduhGabe’snotfeelingwell.”

IlookedfromEvie,tothemannowstandingdirectlyinfrontofus,andwassuddenlyhit
witharealization.NotonlyhadEviemovedon,andfoundlove,butshealsohadachild.I
wantedtosaysomething,anything,butinsteaditfeltlikeI’djustswallowedaglassof
sandfromthebeach.Iopenedmymouth,butthewordsjustwouldn’tform.Instead,I
turnedandbegantowalkaway.IcouldhearEviecallingmynamefaintlyfrom
somewherebehind,butIkeptwalking.IthoughtIwasreadyforsomekindof
explaination,butclearlyIwasn’t.

Imanagedtomakeitallthewaytotheothersideofthebeach,andintomycarwithout
anyonefollowingme,andIwasgrateful.Ihadalotofquestionsrunningthroughmy
head,andIjustranawayfromthewomanwhoheldalltheanswers.ThelongerIsatinmy
car,withmyhandsonmysteeringwheel,theworseIfelt.Ihadjustdonethesamething
toEvie,thatshehaddonetome,onlyIdidn’tknowhowtofindheragain.

Istartedtopanicthen.Whatifsheleftagain?Whatifshenevercameback?WhatifI
neverfoundtheanswersthatIsodesperatelyneeded?Ihadtogoback.Therewasno
otheroption.Unless..maybeshealreadyleft.Gettingoutofmycar,IranasafastasI
couldinthedirectionI’djustcomefrom.IheardthemurmursofguestsasIbrushedpast
themratheruncerimoniously.IhadalmostmadeitbacktothespotonthebeachwhenZoe
stoppedme.

“Sheleftthis.”Shesaid,handingmeasmallscrapofpaper.

“Hernumber.”Isaid,shovingthepaperintomypocket.“IscrewedupZoe.”

“Youwereupset,it’sonlyhumanJake.Listen,Idon’tknowallthedetailsaboutyouand
Evie,butsheshowedupheretonightforareason,anditwasn’tformywedding.Do
yourselfafavor.Gohome,getsomerest,sleepoffthebooze,andcallherinthemorning.
Iloveyou.”Shesaid,pullingmeinforahug.

“IloveyoutoHermana.”Isaid,kissingheronhercheek.“I’msorryIruinedyour
reception.”

“Youdidn’truinanything.Infact,youhelpedmeoutinaway.”

“How’sthat?”

“YoutookWes’onlychangeofclothesforthenight.Makesmyhoneymoonthatmuch
easier.”Shewinked.

“IamsogladyoutwoareofftoHawaiiforaweek.Eventhoughit’sbeenoverayear,it’s
stillhardgettingusedtomysisterandmybestfriend.”Iteased,pretendingtogetchills.

“Getoutofhere.”Shelaughed,givingmealittleshove,beforeturningaway,and
returningtohernewhusband.

Chapter6Then

Itwasasweetkiss,agoodbyekissbetweenfriends,andakissthatInevershouldhavelet
happen.Eviefeltsogoodinmyarms,herpartedlipsbeckoningme,consumingme.Ihad
neverfeltakissliketheoneIhadsharedwithher,andthatshouldhavebeenmyfirst
warning.ButIcouldn’tstop,notevenifIwantedto.Ideepenedourkiss,anglingour
headssoIcouldexploreherwithmytongue.Sheletoutasoftmoan,andIfeltherhands
skimmywaist,reachingforthehemofmyshirt.

Iletherpullitoffofme,breakingourkissjustlongenoughtobefreeofit.Herhandsran
overmyshoulders,anddownmychest,asIcontinuedtodevourhermouth.Whenher
handsbrushedagainstmywaistband,Idippedmyheadtoherneck,nippingherthere.
Shegiggled,andIsmiledagainstherpulse,lickingherthere.Ifeltherskinprickle
beneathmytouch,andthistimeitwasme,pullingtheshirtoverherhead.

Itookamomenttodrinkherin,beforereachingaroundhertounclaspherbra.Sheletit
falltothefloor,bitingherlip,hershynesssuddenlytakingover.“Sutanhermose.”
(You’resobeautiful)Iwhispered,beforecapturingherlipsonceagain.Herarmswrapped
aroundmyneck,andsecondslaterIwasliftingherinmyarms,herlegsaroundmywaist,
andwalkingusbothtoherbedroom.

Whenwereachedthebed,Ilaidherdownbeneathme.Hereyescaughtmine,andIcould
seethehesitationthere.“Areyousure?”Iasked,mybreath,justinchesawayfromhers.
Shenoddedyes,andIsliddownherbody,removingherskirt,andpantiesasIwent.She
wasbreathtaking.Hercurveswereinalltherightplaces,andIfoundmyselfreachingout,
needingtofeeleveryinchofherundermyfingers.

Shemoaned,whenIcaressedhernipples,andlaughedwhenmytonguedartedintoher
bellybutton.Ikissedmywaydowntoherheat,usingmyhandstospreadherlegs.Before
shecouldquestionmyactions,mylipswereonhertendernub.Iwasgentle,licking,and
suckling,hermoansdecidingmypace.WhenIwassureshewasready,Islidtwofingers
insideofher.Shegasped,andIfoundmyselflookingup,intohereyes.

“Isthis?Areyouok?”Iasked,seizingallmovement.

“I,I’mavirgin.”Shesaidquietly.

Myeyesgrewwide.Ihadnoidea.Shewasgorgeous,perfect,Ihadalwaysassumedthat
shejuststayedsinglebecauseshelikeditthatway.Iknewshewasonthepill,andInever
questionedwhethershehadbeenintimatewithanyonebefore.

“Jake?”Sheasked,drawingmyattentionbacktowhereitshouldbe.“Youseem
surprised.”

“IguessIam.”Isaid,onashakylaugh.“Areyousureyouwanttodothis?Because,I
wouldnever-”

“Iknow.”Shesaid,stoppingme.“Andyes.ThisiswhatIwant.”

Thatwasmysecondcue,butinsteadofstopping,Ifoundmyselfwantingherevenmore.I
stoodthen,slippingoffmypants,andboxers.Iwatchedherexpression,ashergazelocked
onmyerection.Shelickedherlips,andIinstantlyimaginedwhattheywouldfeellike

aroundme.Mycocktwitchedatthethought,andIslowlyplacedmybodydirectlyover
hers.Ifoundhermouthagain,givingherasweetkiss.“Iwanttomakethisspecial.”I
said,kissingthetipofhernose.“Canyouletmedothat?”Iasked,peckingherlipsthis
time.

Shenoddedagainstme,andwebothsmiledbeforeIdisappearedbetweenherlegsonce
more.Iwantedhertoknowwhatrealpleasurewas.Itookmytime,deliberatelylicking
andsuckinginjustthewaythatIknewwoulddriveherwild.Hermoansweresoftatfirst,
butasmyspeedincreased,hercriesbecamelouder.Iknewshewasclosewhenherhands
foundmyhair,andhernailsrakedthroughit.Isuckedharder,andfasteruntilIfelther
legsshaking,andwhenshecame,Ilappedupherjuicesliketheyweresomekindof
forbiddenfruit,becauseinaway,theywere.

“Wow.”Shesaidonasigh,whenoureyesconnected.“Thatwas-”

“Onlythebeginning.”Isaid,crawlingupherbodyandcapturingherlipswithmine.

Myerectionwaspressingagainstherthigh,andIfeltherlegswiden,tocradlemethere.I
groanedwhenshearchedherhipstorubagainstme,andIfelthersmile.“Areyouready?”
Iasked,grindingmyerectionagainstherstillswollenclit.

“Yes.”Shewhispered,bitingherliponceagain.

“YoupromisetotellmeifI’mhurtingyou?”

“MakelovetomeJake.”Shewhispered,placingherhandsoneithersideofmyface.

Reachingbetweenus,Islowlyguidedmylengthintoherwaitingsheath.Shewassowet,
anddeliciouslytight,butIhadtotakemytime.ThiswasEvie,shedeservedeverything.I
movedmyhipsslowly,glidingin,andout,gaugingherreaction.She’dclosedhereyes,
wincingwhenI’dgoalittletoodeep.“Evie?”Iasked.

“I’mokay.”Shereassuredme,placingherhandsonmyass,andpullingmeindeeper.I
groaned,assheusedherhandstocontrolthespeed.Ilethertakecontrol,andafterafew
minutes,shewasincreasingthespeedonherown.Herhandsfellfrommyass,andwent
toherbreasts.Shecuppedthem,asIrockedintoher;hermoansdrivingmetomakeher
cum.

“Jake!”Shecriedout,asIslammedintoheragain,andagainuntilwewerebothteetering
ontheedgeofexplosion.“Iloveyou!”Shecriedout,aswecametogether.Thefeelingof
hertighteningaroundmewasenoughtodrivememad,andIwantednothingmorethanto
repeatwhatwehadjustdone.Irolledtomysidetakingherwithme,andtuckingherinto
it.“Yotambienteamo.”(Iloveyoutoo)

IhadnevertoldanyonethatIlovedthemotherthanZoe.And,tobecompletelyhonest,I
wasn’tplanningontellingEvie.Ididn’twanttoleaveher,notlikethis.Takingher
virginity,andshippingofftoGodknowswhereinthemorning.Itseemedlikesucha
douchebagmove,andIwasfeelingprettyshittyaboutthewholething,whensheturned
inmyarmstofaceme.

“Whatareyouthinking?”Sheaskedsweetly.

“WhatdidwedoEvie?”Isighed,brushingmyhandoverhercheek.

“Wemadelove.”Shesaid,placingherhandovermine.

“Andnow?”Iasked.

“Wesaygoodbye.”Shesaid,thesadnessinhervoiceevident.

“Evie,I-”

“Listen.”Shesaid,placingherfingerovermylips.“Iknewyouwereleavinginthe
morningwhenyoubroughtmehome.Iknewwhenyoukissedme,andIknewwhenyou
madelovetome.Idon’thaveanyunrealisticexpectations.You’remybestfriendJake,
andyoualwayswillbe.”

“IfIhadknown,maybethingscouldhavebeendifferent?”

“No.You’vewantedthearmyforthepasttwoyears.Thisisyourfuture,andIhavemine.
Justpromiseme,wheneveryou’rehome,you’llcomeseeme.”

“Ipromise.But,canyoupromisemesomething?”

“Anything.”

“Ifyoumeetsomeone.Imean,Ijustwantyoutobehappy.”

“Youmakemehappy,andthat’sallIneedforrightnow.Besides,Icanpracticemydoctor
signatureonallthelettersI’llbewritingyou.”

“You’reamazing,youknowthat?Idon’tknowwhatIwouldhavedonewithoutyouthese
pastfewyears.”

“SametoyouMr.”Shesaid,pressingherlipstomine.“Onemorefortheroad?”She
teased,raisinghereyebrowsupanddown.

“IthinkIcanbepersuaded.”Isaid,rolling,tocoverherbodywithmine.“Justthisonce.”
Iteasedback,beforegrindingmygrowingerectionagainstherwaitingcore,andmaking
lovetoheralloveragain.

Chapter7Now

IpunchedEvie’snumberintomyphonetime,andtime,againbutIcouldn’tbringmyself
tohitsend.Whowasthemanshewaswithlastnight?Ididn’tseearingonherfinger,but
hemusthavebeenherchild’sfatherright?Gabe,Ithinkthat’sthenameheused.Iwonder
howoldhewas,orifshe’dgottenherPHDlikeshehadplanned.Iknowcallingher
wouldbeeasierthansittingherespeculating,butIwaschickeningthefuckout.Seeingher
againafterallthetimethat’spassedwassurreal.Weweren’tthesamepeopleanymore,
wouldsheevenlikewhoIbecame?

Shakingmyhead,Idialedhernumberonemoretime,andbeforeIcouldpsychmyself
out,Ipushedsend.Sheansweredonthefourthring,andthesoundofhervoicehadmy
stomachdoingadancesomewherebetweenelation,andindigestion.“Hello?”Shesaid
again,whenIcouldn’tbringmyselftoformwords.Clearingmythroat,Isaidashaky
helloback,andwaited.

“Jake?”

“Yea,it’sme.”

“I’mgladyoucalled.Canwemeet?Forcoffeemaybe?”

“Uh,yea.Sure.Youhavesomeplaceinmind?”

“Whataboutthatlittleallnightdinerweusedtogoto.Isitstillaround?”

“Yea.”Ismiled.“Thirtyminutes?”

“Seeyousoon.”

“Bye.”

“ByeJake.”

Iplacedmyphonebackinmypocket,andletoutaslowsteadybreath.Theeasypartwas
over,andinhalfanhour,Iwouldfinallygetsomeanswers.IhadresignedtothefactthatI
wouldneverknowwhathappenedtoEvie,andtheanticipationofthetruthhadme
physicallyshaking.Ihadneverbeensonervousaboutanythinginmylife.Evengoing
intoapotentialwarzonewasfarlessthreateningthanthediscussionoffeelings,andIhad
quiteafewtodiscuss.Anger,beingatthetopofmylist.

Grabbingmykeysfromthehookbythedoor,Iheadedouttothegarage,andmademy
waytothelittlediner.Itwasonlytenminutesuptheroad,whichwaswhyitwasoneof
ourfavoritespots.We’dspendallnightineachother’sarms,wakeupearly,comehere,
andstuffourfaceswithallyoucaneatpancakes.Eviealwaysputwhippedcreamonhers,
andIwonderedifshestilllikethemthatway.

Iwasthefirsttoarrive,soItookaseatinoneofthecornerboothssoIcouldwatchforher
carfromthewindow.Itwasn’tlongbeforeIspottedher.ShewasdrivinganewerSUV,
red,herfavoritecolor,andherhairwasflowingfreelyinthewind.Iwatchedherasshe
exitedhervehicle,andapproachedthebuilding,glancingdownatthemenuwhenshe
walkedin.

Theatmosphereintheroomchangedimmediately,andIwassuddenlyhyperawareof

howcloseshewastome.“Isthisseattaken?”Sheteased,slippingintotheboothdirectly
acrossfromme.

“Itisnow.”Iteasedback,passingheramenu.

“Idoubtthemenuschangedmuchsincewewerehere.”Shesmiled,openingitupand
scanningtheselections.

“You’reprobablyright.”Iagreed,signalingthewaitress.Iorderedusacoupleofcoffees,
butitwasclearneitheroneofuswereinthemoodforfood.

“Howlongareyouhome?”Sheasked,hereyeslockingonmine.

“Threeweeks.I’mdogsittingforZoe,andWes.”

Shelaughed.“Youhatedogs.”

“Rocko’sgrownonme.”Ismiled,thesoundofherlaughtermakingmefeelthatfamiliar
stinginmychest.

“Ibetyouhavealotofquestions.”Shesaid,hermoodchangingfromplayfultoserious.

“DoIcallyoudoctornow?”Iasked,choosingtostartwithsomethingeasy.

Thesmileonherfacereturnedtenfold,andshelittheentireroomwithit.“Dr.EviePerez
atyourservice.”Shesighed.“It’sbetterthanIimagined.Iloveworkingwithkids.”

“Perez?Doesthatmeanyouaren’t…Imeanthemanyouwerewithlastnight..heisn’t..
yourhusband?”Istammered.

“Antonio!?”Shelaughedsohard,shestartedsnorting,andthatstingwasback,hittingme
rightintheheart.

“What’ssofunny?”Iasked,andIcouldn’thelpbutsmile.

“Antonio’sjustafriend,andhe’ssoooogay.”Shesaid,thelaughterstilllingeringinher
voice.“He’smyroomate,andhehelpsoutwithGabe-withmyson,Gabriel.”

“WhyEvie?”Iasked.Icouldn’twaitanylonger,Ineededtoknow.

“Rememberthelasttimeweseeneachother?Youweredeploying,andyouweren’tsure
forhowlong.Wetalkedaboutourfuture,andwhatitheld.Yourplans,wereverydifferent
thanmine.Ihadafewmoreyearsleftofresidency,andyouweremoredeterminedthan
evertogetpromoted.Iknewthatnight,whenwesaidgoodbyethatourlivesweregoing
indifferentdirections.”

“Howcouldyouhaveknownthat?”

“YouneverwantedkidsJake.”Shesaid,pointblank,layinghercardsdownonthetable.

“WehadthatdiscussionwhenwewerekidsEvie.Wewerebarelylegal.OfcourseIdidn’t
wantkids,notthen.”

“Andnow?”

“I’mnotevenseeinganyone,Ihaven’teventhoughtaboutseeinganyone,letalonehaving
achild.Whereisthiscomingfrom?Areyoutellingmethereasonyoujustupandsplitis
becauseIsaidIdidn’twanttohavekidswhenIwaseighteenyearsold!”Isaid,theanger

risinginmyvoice.“That’syourreason,forleavingmehigh,anddry,withnofriends.Do
youknowhowbaditwasoverthere?Ihadnoideawhereyouwere,ifyouweresafe,why
youjustpackedupandleft.Iwasstuckinanotherfuckingcountry,withoutaGoddamned
clue.Isearchedforyou.Doyouknowthat?IcalledthepoliceEvie!Youcouldn’teven
callme,textme,something!”

“Jake,please-”

“NoEvie.IthoughtIcoulddothis,butbeinghere,seeingyou,it’soneofthehardest
thingsI’veeverdoneinmylife.Nothingyoucansaywillmakemeunderstandyour
decision.”Isaid,makingtostand.

“Jakewait!”Sheyelled,reachingformywrist,andstoppingmeinmytracks.“Please,sit
backdown.Ineedtotellyouwhathappened.Please.”Shebeggedme,andhereyesbegan
tofillwithtears.

Sighing,Isatbackdown,andshereleasedhergriponmywrist.“Fiveminutes,andI’m
leaving.”

Shenoddedfrantically,grabbinganapkintoblotathertears.“Youhadbeengonefortwo
weeks,andIhadcomedownwithsomesortoffluorsomething.Icouldbarelygetoutof
bedIwassosick.IthoughtsomethingwasseriouslywrongsoIwenttotheemergency
room.Iwasthereforanhour,andwhenmybloodtestresultscameback,everythingmade
sense.”

“Bloodtests?Youweresick?Wasitcancer?WhatEvie?”Iasked,concern,momentarily
maskingmyanger.

“NoJake.IfoundoutIwaspregnant.”Shesaid,lookingdownatherhands.“Myson
Gabriel,he’syours.You’rehisfather.”

Chapter8Then

Trainingwasbrutal,andeventhoughEvieandIkeptinconstantcontact,Imissedherlike
crazy.Iwascominghomethisweekend,andwealreadyhadplanstospendanentireday
inbed.Ourrelationshipwasn’tacomplicatedone,wehookedup,andoften.Ihadakeyto
herplace,sowhenIgotinItookanUbertoherapartment,andwaited.Ithadn’tchanged
much,otherthanacouplenewvases,andafewmorebooks.

Eviewasalwaysreading.Shediscoveredshehadaphotogenicmemory,whichonlymade
medschoolthatmucheasier.Notthatshereallyneededtouseit,shewasbrilliant.I
enviedherinthataspect.IwasluckytopassmyclasseswithD’s,whileshewasrockinga
4.0gradepointaverage.Howsomeoneasintelligentasherendeduphookingupwith
someonelikemeI’llneverknow,butI’mluckyashellthatithappened.

Ishovedmybagintoherbedroomcloset,andsentaquicktexttoZoelettingherknowI
madeitbacksafeandsound.I’dbeseeinghertomorrow,buttonight,Iwascooking
dinnerforEvie.IopenedthefridgetofindalloftheingredientsIaskedhertopickupfor
me.IwasmakingchickenAlfredo,oneofherfavorites.IhadZoesendmemymother’s
recipeforthehomemadesauce,andIwasattemptingtomakeit.

Therewasasmallradiointhekitchen,soIturneditontomyfavoritelocalstation,and
gottowork.IhadtwohoursbeforeEviewouldmakeithome,andifIfailedepically,I
neededtimetoorderpizza.Imanagedtogetthechickencookedjustfine,aswellasthe
noodles,butthesauce…Iwasn’tassureabout.

WhenIfinishedeverything,andtastetesteditjusttobesure,Ijumpedintheshower,and
dressedinapairofjeansandateeshirt.Ihadjustmademywaybacktothekitchento
switchofftheradio,whenIheardasoftknockonthedoor.Itossedmytowelintothe
hamper,andheadedtowardsthedoor.WhenIpulleditopen,itwastofindaman,around
myagestandingontheothersideofit.

“CanIhelpyou?”Iasked.

“Yeah..uhisEviearound?”Themansaid,glancingaroundthehallway,andcheckingthe
numberonthedoorsaroundhim.

“Sheshouldbehereanyminute,areyouafriendofhers?”

“Wehaveclasstogether.Weweresupposedtobestudyingtonight.”

“Musthavegotyourwirescrossedpal,EvieandIhaveplanstonight.”Isaid,withacocky
edgeinmyvoice,thatIwasn’tusedtousing.

Beforehecouldrespond,Evieappearedbesidehim.Thesmileshewassportinginstantly
grewwiderwhenhereyescaughtmine,andIcouldn’thelpbutdothesame.Shedropped
herbagsinthehallway,andranintomywaitingarmspepperingmyfacewithkisses.I
laughed,squeezinghertightagainstme.“MissmeHermosa.”Iwhisperedinherear.

“Somuch!”Shegushed,kissingmeonemoretimebeforeturningtofaceherguest.“I’m
sorryAntonio.JakejustgotbackfromIraq,likejustnow,today,andwereallyneedto
catchup.Raincheck?”Sheaskedinnocently.

“Ofcourse.”Hesaid,adjustingthestraponhisbag.“You’llcallme?”

“Promise.”Shesmiledsweetly,shuttingthedoor,asheturnedtoleave.“Now.Where
werewe?”Sheteased,raisinghereyebrowsupanddownsuggestively.

“Wewereabouttoeatdinner.”Ijokedback.“Followme.”

Iledherintothesmalleatinkitchen,wherethetablewassetfortwo.Icouldn’tfindany
tallcandles,butIdidcomeacrossafewscentedcandlesscatteredthroughoutthehouse.I
pulledachairoutforher,andmotionedforhertosit.Shesmiled,curtseyingbeforeshe
tookit,andsendingherselfintoafitofgiggles.“Whatisallthis?”Sheaskedbetween
laughter.

“Iwantedtodosomethingniceforyou.”Isaid,pretendingtofeelhurtfromherlaughter.
“Theleastyoucoulddoissaythankyou.”

“Jake,I-”Shestarted,herlaughterquicklydissipating.

“Sitdown,andeatEvie.”Isaid,grabbingabreadstickfromthebasketandtossingitat
her.

“JacobDanielCruz!”Shesquealed,reachingforabreadstickofherown.

BeforeIknewit,wewereinafullonbreadstickwar,andwhenwe’demptiedthebasket,
wereachedforthesalad.Grapetomatoes,shreddedlettuce,andcroutons,flewacrossthe
kitchen,andbouncedoffthecupboards.Evie’scurlyhairwasfullofbaconbits,andI
couldn’tcontrolmylaughter.WhenshereachedforthepotofAlfredo,Iheldmyhandsup
insurrender.“Evie,wait.Let’sbereasonable.”Isaid.

Thegleaminhereye,hadmesmirking,andIknewifIdidn’tthinkfast,I’dbecleaning
herapartmentfortheentireweekend.Ireachedforthepotwithonehand,andherwiththe
other,simultaneouslyplacingthepotbackonthestove,andherinmyarms.Herbreath
caughtinherthroat,whenmylipsbrushedhers.“Imademymother’srecipe.”I
whispered.

“Oh?”Shewhisperedback,herbreathagainstmycheek.“Isupposeweshouldeatthen,
whileit’sstillwarm.”

“ThankyouPercySpencer.”Isaid,scoopingherupintoaprincesshold.

“Who?”Sheaskedwithasmile,loopingherarmsaroundmyneck.

“Thegeniuswhoinventedthemicrowave.”Iwinked,steppingoverthemessthatlittered
thekitchenfloor,andcarryingherintoherbedroom.

“I’mnotevengoingtoaskhowyouknowthat.”Shesighed,layingherheadonmychest.
“I’mjustgladyou’rehome.”

“MetooHermosa.”

Wespentthenextfewhoursinaheapoftangledblankets,andlimbs.Thegrumblingof
ourstomachs,theonlythingcapableoftearingusawayfromeachother.Icleanedupthe
messinthekitchen,whileEvieshowered,andwhenshefinishedshejoinedmeatthe
table,wearingnothingbuttheteeshirtI’dvacated.“I’mstarving.”Shesaid,reachingfor
herfork,andbringingittoherlips.“Mmm.”Shemoaned,savoringthebite.

“Youlikeit?”Iasked,takingabiteofmyown.

“It’sdelicious.”Shesmiled.“Thankyou.”

“Forwhat?”

“Beinghere.IknowyouneedtoseeZoetomorrow,butIreallymissedyou.”

Ireachedforherhandacrossthetable,andranmythumboverhers.“IloveyouEvie,
there’snowhereelseI’dratherberightnow.”

“Exceptforthere.”Shesaidsadly,slowlypullingherhandawayfrommine.

“Evie-”

“No.Igetit.Ido.It’syourpassion.Itmakesyouhappy.Ijustwonderifit’stheonlything
thateverwill.”

“I’mhappywhenI’mwithyou.”Itriedtoreassureher,butIwasn’tsurewhatshewanted
tohear.Wassheaskingforsomekindofcommitment?Ordidshegenuinelythinkthe
armywastheonlythingthatwouldevercompleteme?

“ForgetIsaidanything.”Shesmiled.“Let’senjoytherestofourevening.Ihavetoshare
youwithyoursistertomorrow.”Sheteased.

Ismiledback,andwespenttherestofournightineasyconversation.Sheshowedme
someofhercoursework,andItoldheraboutbasictraining.IeventoldherIwas
interestedinthespecialopsunit.Thelookinhereyestoldmeshewasterrifiedatthe
thought,butshehiditwell.Wemadeloveagainthatnight,andwhenIwokeupthenext
morning,shewasalreadygone.Iknewshehadclass,butnothavingherherewithmehad
mewishingthatshewas.MaybeIwasanidiottothinkthatwecouldhavethiskindof
relationship.Iwasworriedaboutherfeelings,butthemoretimeIspentwithEviePerez,
themoreIstartedtofeelforher.Myheart,andmymindweresuddenlyinbattle,and
eitherwayIlookedatit;itfeltlikethelosingkind.

Chapter9Now

Ifeltlikeoneofthosecartooncharacters.Youknowwhenaprettygirlwalksintheroom,
andtheirjawsliterallydrop,andhitthefloor?Thatwasme.Thatwasmyexpression.Evie
wasstarringatme,tearsstreamingdownherface,andallIcoulddowasstareback,
mouthagape.Ineededair.Istoodslowly,andwhenshemadetojoinme,Iheldupmy
hand,stoppingher.“Ijust.Ineedaminute.”Istammered,excusingmyself,andstepping
outside.

Themorningairdidnothingtosoothme,infactIsuddenlyfeltworse.Thehumid,
Californiaairchokingthelifeoutofme.BeforeIcouldturntogobackinside,Ifelther
handonmyshoulder.Iknewitwasher,Ialwaysknew.“Evie-”Istarted.

“I’msosorryJake.”Shesobbed,interruptingme.“IknowIshouldhavetoldyou.Ishould
havebeenhonestwithyoufromthestart,butIwasscared.”

“Scaredofwhat?”Iasked,someoftheangerreturning.“Me?”

“No.Ofcoursenot.”Shesaidsoftly.“Iknewyou’ddotherightthing,butitwouldhave
beenforallthewrongreasons.”

“Youcouldn’tpossiblyhaveknownthat.”Isnapped.“IlostmyparentsEvie!Whatmade
youthinkI’dwantmysongrowingupwithouthis?!”

“YouneverlovedmelikeIlovedyouJake!”Sheyelledback,tearsstreamingdownher
face.“Iwasjustafriendwhoyouoccasionallyfucked!That’sallIwasevergoingtobeto
you!Mybabydeservedmore,hedeservedafamily!”

“Ifthat’swhatyouthink,ifthat’showyourememberthings,thenyouareseriouslyfucked
up!”Isaidangrily,thenloweringmyvoiceIadded.“YouweretheonlywomanIever
gaveadamnabout,andyourepaidmebykeepingmysonfromme.”

“Youwouldhaveleftthearmy,andyouwouldhavemarriedme.Wewouldhavebeena
family,butitwouldn’thavebeenreal.Itwouldn’thavemadeyouhappy.Thearmyisyour
lifeJake!Icouldn’taskyoutogiveupyourlife,foramediocrelifewithme.”

“Thatwasn’tyourdecisiontomake!Younevergavemeasayinthematter.”

“Iknow,andforthat,Itrulyamsorry.”

“Whynow?Whytellmenow?”

“Youdeservedtoknowthetruth,andIwantedtotellyouinperson.Iwashoping,Idon’t
know,thatmaybewecouldbefriendsagain.AtleastforGabriel’ssake.”

“Gabriel.”Isaidwithastonishment,realizationhittingme.“Younamedhimaftermy
father?”

“Idid.”

Ishookmyheadindisbelief,rubbingmyhandsovermyface.“Doesheknowaboutme?”
Iasked,myeyesmeetinghers.

“Yes.Heknowsyou’rehisDaddy,I’veshownhimpictures.”Shesmiled,atthethought.

“Whathaveyoutoldhim?”Iasked,atearescapingfrommyowneye.“WhencanIsee
him?”

“Jake.”Eviestarted.“I’mnotsureif.Imean.Maybeit’sbestifwe-”

“IfwewhatEvie?Pretendyounevertoldme?Actlikeyouwalkingoutofmylifeand
hidingababyisperfectlysane?!”Isnapped.

“IneedtoknowthatifIdothis.IfIletyoumeethim.Thatyou’rewillingtobeinhislife.
Thisisaforeverkindofcommitment.OnceIletyouintohislife,youhavetostaythere.”

“IthoughtIknewyousomuchbetterthanthis.Howcouldyouevenaskmethatkindof
question?He’smysonEvie.”

“Tomorrow.I’llmeetyouhereatnoonforlunch.”Shesaid,withherheadcastdown,and
beforeIcouldanswer,shespunonherheelandwalkedaway.

Icouldhavestoppedher.MaybeIshouldhave,butinstead,Iwalkedintheopposite
direction.IwalkeduntilIendeduponthebeach,andIkickedmyshoesoffandheaded
towardsthewater.Isatdowninthesand,lettingthewavescrashovermyfeetandankles.
IwantedtocallWes,totellhimabouteverythingthathadjusthappened,buthewason
hishoneymoon.Iscrolledthroughmycellabsent-mindedly,andwhenmyeyeslockedon
Cole’sname,Ihitsend.

Ahalfhourlater,heshowedupwithasixpack,andploppeddownbesideme.Cracking
oneopen,hepassedittomebeforeopeningoneofhisown.Wesatthereinsilence,
drinkingourbeers,andstarringoutacrosstheocean.WhenI’dfinishedmine,Colepassed
meanother.Iwasn’tthekindofmanwhotalkedabouthisfeelings,butIneededtotell
someone.“Ihaveason.”Isaid,liftingmycantomylips.ItwasthefirsttimeI’dsaidthat
sentenceoutloudanditfeltforeignonmytongue.

“Well,that’sinteresting.”Colereplied,downinghissecondbeer.“Isthatwhyyoucalled?
Totalkaboutyourfeelingsandshit?”Heteased,nudgingmyarmwithhiselbow.

“Somethinglikethat.”Ilaughedback.

“I’mneverhavingkids.They’realwayssmelly,andsticky,andthefactthattheycan’ttake
careofthemselvesfromthegetgoisarealdealbreaker.Idon’tmindbeingcooluncle
Cole,butI’mreturningthelittleshitswhentheday’sover.Sowho’stheluckygirl?”

Ishookmyhead,tryingtohidemygrin.Theonethingthatyoucouldalwayscounton
withCole,washishonesty.Hewasacockylittleshit,buthealwaystolditlikeitwas.
“Evie.”

“Noshit!Thegirlyougaveyourballstowhenyouwereateenager?Whendidthat
happen?”

“Twoyearsagoapparently.Atleast,that’showoldGabrielis.”

“Wait.Sheliedtoyouforyears,andthenhadtheballstonamethekidafteryourdead
Father!”

“Thatprettymuchsumsitup.”

“Damn.”Hesighed,crackingopenhislastbeer.

“Yeah.”Iagreed,mirroringhisaction.

AfterColeleft,Imademyowntriptotheliquorstore.Ineededsomethingstronger.I
boughtabottleofJackDaniels,andheadedforhome.Notthatitfeltlikemuchofahome
anymore.Ihonestlydon’tknowwhyIkeptmyparent’shouse.Zoehadmovedout,andit
satemptymostofthetime.

Ipulledmytruckintothegarage,andheadedinside,pullingdownaglassfromthe
cupboard.Ifilleditalmosttothebrim,andtookaseatatthediningroomtable.Isat,in
thedark,starringoutthefrenchdoorsatthepool.Ifelttheburnoftheliquorasittraveled
downmythroatandwarmedmystomach.Itwasawelcomefeeling,acomfortingfeeling,
andonethatIrealizedI’dcometomisswhileIwasaway.

Ifinishedthefirstglassinrecordtime,andgotuptograbmybottleoffthecounter.Ifilled
thecupagain,andagain,losingcountaftersix.Iwasfinallystartingtofeelbetter,thatorI
wastoonumbfromthealcohol.Whateverthereasonwas,Iwasgrateful.Ihadfinally,for
themoment,stoppedthinkingaboutEvie.Istood,wantingtogoupstairstomybedroom
butIwassodizzy,Inearlyfellover.

Imanagedtocatchmyselfonthestairrailing,anduseittopullmyselfup.Iclumsily
mademywaytomybedroom,practicallycollapsingonmybedwhenIreachedit.I
laughedatmyselfforgettingsodrunk,andcrawledbeneaththecoverswithoutremoving
myclothes.Ineededtosleep.Maybebythetimethemorningsuncamecrashingthrough
mywindow,myheadwouldbeclearer.InevershouldhavespokentoEviethewaythatI
did,butIwashurting,andshehadtoknowthat.Icouldfixitthough.Tomorrow.
Everythingwouldbebettertomorrow.

Chapter10Then

Itwasmyfirsttimecominghomeinayear.Evieandtalked,andsinceshehadalotof
studyingtogetinIdecidedtostayatmyparentsplace,ormyplacerather.Eventhough
theyhadbeengoneforfiveyears,Istillhadahardtimepicturingtheirthingsasmine.I
soldbothoftheircarslastyear,andIreplacedthemwithasimplesedanforZoe.Shekept
thecaramonth,beforeaskypesessionrevealedthecarshereallywanted,a1967
Chevelle.AtfirstIwasfurious,butlikemyfather,IletZoe’sjoyropemein.Itwasn’t
practical,butitwasthefirstthingshehadthatfeltlikeherown,andIunderstoodtheneed
tofeellikeyourownperson.

Zoe’scarwasgone,soIassumedshewasatafriends.Itossedmybagontothedining
roomtable,androundedthecornerinsearchofthetelevisionremote.Iploppeddown
ontothecouch,andturnedonthelocalnews.IalwayslikedtocatchupfirstthingwhenI
gotbackintotown.Zoekeptmeinformedforthemostpart,buttherewassomething
comfortinginknowingthatlifejustkeptgoingwhileyouwereaway.

Iwasonlyhomeforhalfanhourbeforethedoorbellrang.Ithoughtaboutignoringit,but
whentheknockspersisted,Igavein.Icheckedthepeephole,andtheeyesIfound
starringbackatminebelongedtoaveryfamiliarface.Ismiledbriefly,changingmy
expressionasIopenedthedoor.“Evie.”Isaid,inaquestioningtone.“Ithoughtyouwere
busy?”

“Shutup.”Shesaid,wrappingherarmsaroundmyneck,andsqueezingmetight.“I
missedyou.”

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundher,relishinginthescentofherhair,andtheperfumeonher
skin.“ImissedyoutooHermosa.”Iwhispered.

“Ibroughtmovies!”Shesaidexcitedly,afterbreakingourintimatehug.“Everythingthat
you’vemissedwhilebeingaway.”Sheadded,whilesteppingaroundmeandplacinga
stackoftenorsoDVDsonthecoffeetable.“Ihopeyou’reupforamarathon.”

“I’msureIcanbepersuaded.”Isaid,raisingmybrowssuggestively.

“Jake.”Shesighed.“Iwashopingwecouldactuallyspendsometimetogetherthis
weekend.”

“We’llspendlotsoftimetogetherHermosa,Ipromise.”Iwinked,sittingdownonthe
couch,andpattingthespacebesideme.

“Unbelievable.”Shesaid,rollinghereyes,andturningtowardsthedoor.

“Hey,wait!”Icalledoutstandingtostopher,myhandgrippingherlowerarm.“What’s
goingon?”

“WeusedtobefriendsJake,andthen,whateverthisisstarted.”Shesaidbitterly.“Isitso
wrongthatIwanttospendtimewithmyfriendrightnow?Totalktoyouasmybest
friend,andnottheguyI’msleepingwith?”

“Comeon.”Isaidsoftly,tuggingherarm,andleadingherbacktothecouch.Wesat
down,sidebyside,myhandcoveringhers.“Talktome.”Iurged.“Please.”

“MedschoolisrunningmeraggedJake.Idon’tknow,maybeImadethewrongdecision.
Maybe,I’mjustnotcutouttobeadoctor.”

“That’sridiculous.Beingapediatricianhasbeenyourdreamsinceyouweretenyearsold,
andyouhaveneverbeenonetobackdown.What’sreallygoingon?”

“I’mascholarshipkidJake.”Shesaid,soundingdefeated.“Inaclassfulloflegacykids.
Everyoneexpectssomuchfromthem,thatwhenIactuallydobetterthanthem,Idon’t
evengetrecognized.Ijust,Ithoughtcollege,andtherealworld,wouldbedifferent.”

“Howareyourgrades?”Iasked,alreadyknowingtheanswer.

“StraightA’s.”Shesmiledweakly.

“Exactly.ThisiswhatyouwereborntodoEviePerez,notgopoponeofthosemoviesin,
andI’llmakethepopcorn.”

“Ok.”Sheagreed,grabbingthefirstmovieonthestack,andputtingitintheDVDplayer.

Wesattogether,insemisilencewatchingaromanticcomedy.Icouldn’ttellyouthename
ofitbecauseIwastoobusywatchingEvie.Thewayshe’dcrinklehernoseatasceneshe
disliked,orthewayshe’dgigglewhenshefeltembarrassed.I’veseeneveryinchofher,
butshestillblushedduringthesexscenes,whichonlymademesmilemore.Therewasan
innocenceabouther,andthemoretimeIspentwithherinournewfoundrelationship,the
moreIgrewtolookforwardtoit.

Eventhoughshehadseen,andlivedherowndarkness,itwasasifshewasuntouchedby
thedemonsthatlivedthere.Shehadsomehowcomeoutunscathed,herbeauty,and
intelligence,strongerthantheirpull.Ienviedherforthat.

Themoviehadjustaboutfinished,whenZoewalkedthroughthefrontdoor.Iglancedat
theclock,andrealizeditwasnearlymidnight.Shewasanadult,butshewasstillmylittle
sister.Iclearedmythroat,catchingbothgirl’sattention.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Iasked,
withanaccusatorytone.

“Out.”Shesnapped,rollinghereyes.“I’malmosttwentyyearsoldJake,andyouaren’t
myfather.”

“Doesn’tmeanIcan’tworryaboutyou.”Isaid,withconcern.

“I’mfine.”Shesighed,brushingpastus,andintothekitchen.

“LeaveheraloneJake.”Eviesaid,restingherheadonmyshoulder.

Ikissedherforehead,enticingasmile.“Whatarewewatchingnext?”Iasked,onalong
blissfulsigh.

Shestood,stretchingherarmsaboveherhead,beforedisappearingintothekitchen.Isat,
andwaited,forafewminutes,butwhenshedidn’treturn,Igotuptojoinher.Ifound,she
andZoesittingatthediningroomtablesharingabagofTwizzlers.Ilaughed,atthetwoof
themtwirlingtheirlicoricearoundandlaughinglikeyoungteenagers.

Emptyglassessatinfrontofeachofthem,andabottleofbourbonbecamethenew
centerpiece.ItwasclearthatZoewasatleastthreeshotsin,butEviehadonlyjustbegun.
Shedidn’tdrink,sowhateverbroughtthisontonightwasn’tgood.Shepouredherself

anotherdrink,andsodidZoe.Ireachedforthebottle,placingitonthecountertopbehind
me.Bothgirlsgavemethelook,andZoeflippedmethebirdforgoodmeasure.

“YouhaveschoolinthemorningHermosa.”IbenttowhisperinEvie’sear.“ShouldItake
youhome?”

“Youshouldtakemetoyourroom.”Shehalfwhisperedback.

Ilaughed,andZoemadebarfingsoundsunderherbreath,causingEvietofallintoafitof
laughter.“SorryZoe.”Shebreathedout.

“Goodnight,Zoe.”Isaid,reachingforEvie’shand,andleadingherupthestairs.Whenwe
reachedmybedroom,Iletherinfirst,shuttingthedoorbehindus.“Whathappenedto
movienight?”Iteased,asIwatchedherremoveherclothesandgraboneofmyteeshirts
fromthedrawer.

“Ihaven’tseenyouinayearJake.Ijustwanttofeelyou.Isthatalright?”Sheasked
shyly.

Ipulledmyshirtovermyhead,andstrippeddowntomyboxers.Walkingovertothebed,
Ipulledbackthecomforter,andmotionedforhertojoinme.Shesmiledsweetly,and
slippedinbesideme.Herback,tomyfront,Iheldherclosely.Thescentofherhairfilled
mysenses,andIclosedmyeyes,tryingtorememberitforwhenIwasaway.WhenI
openedmyeyesagain,Irealizedthatshewascrying.

“Hermosa?”Iaskedgently,kissingthespacejustbelowherear.

“It’stoohardJake.”Shewhimpered.“It’stoolong.I’tssolonely.”

IturnedherinmyarmssoIcouldlookintohereyes.“WhatareyousayingHermosa?”I
asked,tryingtokeepthepitinmystomachatbay.

“Ithink.Ithinkweneedtoendthis.Idon’twanttoloseyourfriendship..ever,butthis
justisn’tenoughanymore.Notforme.”

“Areyouaskingmetomakeacommitment?Doyouwantarealrelationship?Isthatwas
thisisreallyabout?”Istammered,graspingatstraws,andsecretlyhopingthiswasthe
case.

“No.”Shesaidsoftly.“I’msaying,aftertonight,Ithinkit’sbestifwegobacktotheway
thingswere.”

Theword“no”feltlikeatonofbricksjustcrasheddownontomychest.Itriedtokeepmy
expressionneutral,butbythelookonEvie’sface,IcouldtellthatIwasn’t.Apartofme
wantedtochangehermind.Totellherthetruth,thatIhadfeelingsforher,morethanshe
knew.Butanotherpart,thepartthatknewIwasleavingintwodays,knewthatwhatshe
saidwastrue.Ineverunderstoodwhypeoplesaidthatifyoulovesomething,youshould
letitgo,untilthismoment.Eviemeantmoretomethanshecouldeverimagine,andfor
thatreason,Iwaswillingtobreakmyownheart.

Iwasn’tdonewiththearmy,mycareerhadonlybegun,andaskinghertobetiedtomeat
only21yearsold,tomakethatkindofcommitment,itjustwasn’tfair.Ibrushedastrand
ofhairawayfromherface,andgaveheraweaksmile.“Iunderstand.”Isaidhesitantly.
“AllI’veeverwanted,wasforyoutobehappy.”

“IloveyouJake.”Shewhispered,beforepressingherlipstomine.

Icouldfeelthewetnessonhercheekwhenshepulledaway,andusingmythumb,I
swipedthelonetearfromhereye.“IloveyoutooHermosa.”

Wemadelove,forwhatIthoughtwouldbethelasttimethatnight.Andwhensheleftin
themorning,Iknewwhatwasleftofourrelationshipwouldneverbethesameagain.

Chapter11Now

Twelvefifteen,andEviestillhadn’tarrivedyet.Apartofmewonderedifshechangedher
mind.MaybeshethoughtmymeetingGabrielwasn’tthebestidea.I’dalreadydowned
twolongisland’s,andwasabouttoordermythirdwhenIspottedher.Shegavemea
warmsmile,andheadedtowardstheboothIwassittingin.Shewasalone,andmyheart
instantlyfellintomystomach.

“HiJake.”Shesaid,slippingintotheseatdirectlyacrossfromme.

“Evie.”Isaid,withacurtnod.Iwasstillrawfromyesterday,andIhopedlikehelltoday
wasn’tarepeatperformance.

“GabrielisdownatthebeachwithAntonio.Iwantedtotalktoyou,beforehecamein.”
Shesaid,signalingthewaitress,whoalreadyhadmythirddrinkinherhand.“Alittleearly
foradrink,don’tyouthink?”Evieasked,eyeingmyglasssuspiciously.

“Nothingwrongwithalittleliquidcourage.”Isaid,shruggingmyshoulders.

“Howmanyhaveyouhad?”Sheasked,inanaccusatorytone.

“Whydoesitmatter?”Isnapped,angrythatshewasquestioningme.

“Becauseyou’reabouttomeetyourchild,andI’dratheryounotbedrunkwhenyoudo
it!”Shesnappedbackunderherbreath.

“Whosefaultisthat?”Ispatback.“Iwouldn’tfeeltheneedtocalmmyselfwithliquor,if
youhadn’tkepthimfrommeinthefirstplace.”

Shestoodthen,lookedmedeadintheeye,andsaid“FuckyouJake.”Ascalmasifshe
weretellingmetohaveagoodday,orenjoymybikeride.Andjustlikethatsheturned,
andwalkedaway.

Theshamehitmehard,andfast,andallIwantedtodowasfixit.FixthingslikeIusedto
whenwewereyounger.Itossedafiftyontothetable,andranafterher.Iscannedthe
beach,andwhenIspottedher,shewasholdingGabriel.Hehadamessofcurlyhair,just
likehers,andIfeltthisinstantconnection.Likeshewasholdingmyheart,ontheoutside
ofmybody.Iwasdrawntohim,andbeforeIknewwhatIwasdoing,Iwasonthatbeach,
sandfillingmyshoes,asImademywaytowardshim.

Istopped,afewfeetawayfromthem,andAntonioclearedhisthroattoannouncemy
arrival.WhenEvieturnedtofaceme,Ismiled,andGabrielsmiledback.Helookedjust
likemewhenIwashisage.Wesharedthesamebigbrowneyes,andourjawsmirrored
eachother.Mysmileonlygrewbigger,whenhewavedhissmallhandatme.“Hi.”Isaid,
swipingatearfrommyeye.

“Hi.”Hesaidbackenthusiastically.“I’mthismany!”Headded,holdinguptwofingers.

“Wow.”Isaidonalaugh.“Canyoudriveyet?”

“No!”Helaughedback,squirmingoutofhismother’sarms.

Eviesethimdowninfrontofher,andIlookedtoher,beforesittingdownonthesand.
Gabrielsattoo,andIstartedtomakeapileofsandwithmyhands.Soon,hestartedto

helpme,andwesat,insilence,makingoursandmound,asEviewatchedon.Shewaved
Antonioaway,andsatdownbesideme.“Gabriel?”Sheaskedgently.“ThisisJake.Do
yourememberthepicuturesIshowedyou?Doyouknowwhoheis?”

Gabriellookedupfromthesandpile,andgavehismotheratoothygrin.“Daddy.”He
said,asifsheshouldhavealreadyknowntheanswer.Andthen,heclimbedintomylap,
andaddedmoresandtoourpile.Ibentdown,smellinghishair,andIclosedmyeyes.My
emotionswereallovertheplace.Apartofmewantedtoscoophimintomyarmsand
neverlethimgo,butIdidn’twanttoscarehim.Ididn’twanttopushfortoomuch,too
fast.IcaughtEviewatchingmefromthecornerofmyeye,andIjustlostit.Icried.Forthe
firsttimesincefindingoutaboutGabriel,Iletmyselfcry.

“Jake.”Eviestarted,reachingformyhand,withtearsinherowneyes.“I’msosorry.”She
whispered.“Iknowitdoesn’tmeananythingrightnow,butImeanitallthesame.Inever
imagineditbeingthisway.”

“Nothere.Notnow.OK?”Iaskedsoftly,rufflingGabriel’scurlyhair.“CanIjust,canwe
justsithere,andplayinthesand?”

Evienodded,wipinghertearsaway.“Ofcourse.”Shesmiledweakly.

“YouknowGabriel,IusedtobuildaprettymeansandcastlewhenIwasyounger,whatdo
yousaywegiveitatry?”Isaid,catchinghisattention.Hestoodfrommylap,andclapped
hishands.Ismiledalongwithhim.“Ithinkwecanbuysomebucketsacrossthestreetat
thatlittleshop.Whatdoyouthink?Youwanttogooverandcheckitout?”

“Yes!”Heyelledenthusiastically.

“Evie?”Iasked.“Doyoumind?”

“Idon’tknowJake,maybeweshouldallgo?”Shesaidwithconcern.“Hedoesn’treally
knowyouthatwell,andhecanbehandfulinstores.”

“TenminutesEvie.Please.”Ipleaded.

“OK.”Shereluctantlyagreed.“Tenminutes.”

“Comeonbuddy.”Isaidtakinghishandinmine,andheadingtowardstheshop.Hishand
feltsosmall,wrappedinmine,andIcouldn’thelpbutrunmythumbacrossitagain,and
again,confirmingthathewasreal.ThatIwasreallytakingmysonintothestoretobuy
toys.Itfeltnatural,likeIhadbeendoingitallalong,andthatfeelingbothinvigorated,and
terrifiedme.Whenwereachedthebusystreet,Iscoopedhimupintomyarms,and
crossedcarefully.Iprobablywaitedtoolongforasafecrossing,butIwasholding
preciouscargo.

Isethimbackonhisfeetagainwhenweenteredthestore,keepinghishandtightlyin
mine.“Ithinkthebucketsarethisway.”Isaid,andGabrielpointedtoastuffedlion.
“Rawr.”Hesaid,andIlaughed.“Doyoulikelions?”Iasked.Hisresponsewasanother
Rawr,soIgrabbeditoffthetopshelfandhandedittohim.Hisfacelitup,andhehugged
theliontight.Myownfacematchedhis,whenwefinallyfoundthebuckets.Hechosea
redone,withayellowshovel,andIgrabbedacouplemoreforEvieandI.

EvieandI.ItwasthefirsttimeIthoughtaboutherwithoutanger,andIknewithad

everythingtodowiththelittleboyInowheldinmyarmscrossingthebusystreet.Ifound
herewhereI’dlefther,onlyshewasstandingnow,bitinghernailsinworry.Didshethink
Iwouldn’tcomeback?Didn’tshetrustmewithmyownchild?Icouldn’taskhernow,not
here,butitdidn’tstopmefromthinkingtheworst.

“Who’syournewfriend?”SheaskedGabriel,whenIputhimdownbesideher.

“Rawr!”Hesaid,giggling.

“DidyoutellJa-uhyourdaddythankyou?”

“Thankyoudaddy!”Hesaid,huggingmetightaroundtheleg.

“You’rewelcomebuddy.”Isaid,rufflinghishairlikeIhadearlier.“Youreadytobuild
thatsandcastle?”

“Yes!”Hesquealedwithdelight.

Wespentthenexthourworkingonoursandcastle.ItwastallerthanGabriel,andwhenit
wasfinished,wewalkedalongthebeachinsearchofrockstodecorateitwith.Eviestayed
bythecastleto“protectit”,allowingGabrielandIsometimetogether.Iknewitwasher
wayoftryingtoapologize,andasmuchasIappreciatedit,Istillresentedherforit.

Whenourbucketswerefullofrocks,andseashells,wemadeourwaybacktoEvie,and
thecastle.Gabrielgotrighttowork,ploppingdowninthesand,andplacingseashellson
topofthemounds.Igotdownbesidehim,andputsomerocksaroundthedoor,framingit
in.“Door.”Hesaid,pointingtoit.Icouldn’thelpbutsmile,hewassmartasawhip,andit
wasclearthatEviehaddoneagoodjobraisinghim.IjustwishIcouldhavebeenapartof
it.

“Evie?”Iasked.“Whathappensnext?WhencanIseehimagain?”

Shetookadeepbreath,herhandsvisiblyshaking.“Ihaveaninterviewtomorrow.Maybe
youcouldwatchhim?”

“I’dlikethat.”

Chapter12Then

Forthefirsttimesincemyoriginaldeployment,Iwaslonely.Eviestillwrotemeevery
week,butitwasn’tthesame.Myteamhadnoticedthechange,andtheydidtheirbestto
keepmebusy,especiallyWes.ImetWesmyfirstyearin.Iwasworkingatalocal
recruitingoffice,signinguppotentialcandidates.Westruckupaconversation,andhe
endeduphelpingsignaroundfiftypeople,mostofwhichwerewomen.Webecamefast
friendsafterthat,andinseparableeversince.Iwasjustpromotedtosergeant,andnow
leadingtheplatoonintoaction.Myordersstillcamefromsomeoneelse,butinthefield,I
madethecalls.

WesandIspecializedinspecialOps,andtodaywasmyfirsttimeintheleadershiprole.
Wehadtoinfiltrateaknownsafehouse.OurinteltoldusthatanAmericanwomannamed
NancyO’conell,andherdaughterwerebeingheldforransom.Apparentlyherhusband
wassomekindofweaponsspecialist,andtheenemywereaftertheformulasheusedto
createsomeofourownweapons.Itwasasimplesnatchandgrab,somethingwe’ddonea
milliontimes,onlythistime,ifsomethingwentwrong,itwasmyheadonthepike.

IwentovertheplanwithmyguysmoretimesthanI’dliketoadmit,butIneededtobe
suretheyunderstoodtherisks.Wes,wasmyrighthandman.Icountedonhimtopullme
back,totellmeifI’dgonetoofar,ornotfarenough.Ifyouaskedme,everyoneneeded
someonelikehimintheircorner.

Wewaiteduntilnightfall,andthesixofusgotintothehumvee.Theridetothelocation
wasaquietone.Everyone’sadrenalinewaspumpingthroughtheirveins.Legswere
tappinginanticipation,aswegotcloser,andclosertoourdestination.Usingournight
visiongoggleswecountedthreeguards,andwhatappearedtobeNancy,andherchild,
huddledinoneofthecorners.Adams,Butler,Mendez,andQuinn,wereresponsiblefor
takingouttheguards,andWes,andI,wereresponsibleforgettingthehostagesoutsafely.

Onmygo,wesplitup,successfullysurroundingthesmallhouse.Igavethesignal,and
mymensimultaneouslyfiredtheirweapons.Theguardswerealldown,onthefirstshots,
andthenWes,andIwentin.Themotherheldhercryingdaughterinherarms.Dirt
streakedbothoftheirfaces,andthemother’sfacewasbadlybruised.Icroucheddown
slowly,positioningmyselfinfrontofthem.“Nancy?”Iasked.“We’rewiththeUSarmy,
andwe’reheretotakeyouhome.”

Shebegantosob,kissingherdaughter’shead,over,andoveragain.That’swhenInoticed
alltheblood.KeepingmyfaceascalmasIcould,IsignaledWestojoinme.Whenhedid,
hecouldn’tcontainhisgasp.“Nancy.”Isaidsoftly.“Mrs.O’Conell.”Isaidagain,abit
sternerthistime.“Ineedyoutoletmetakeyourdaughter,alright?Letushelpher.”

“No!”Shescreamed.“Leavemybabyalone!”

Itwasclearshewasundersevereshock.Shehadn’tevennoticedthebloodcomingfrom
herdaughter’sforehead.Icouldn’ttellwhathadcausedthewound,butIwassureit
wasn’tabullet.Weshadpulledhisfirstaidkitfromhispack,andshonetheflashlight
directlyonthewound.Iwasn’tabrainsurgeon,butitdidn’tlookgood.“Nancy,we’re
goingtocleanupthecutonyourdaughter’sheadok?”Iasked,noddingtoWestoget
started.“MynameisJake,andthisisWes.We’rejustgoingtolayheronthegroundhere

togetabetterlookalright?What’shername?”

“Hmm.”Nancysaid,starringnowhereinparticular.

“What’syourdaughter’sname,Nancy?”Ipersisted,asWesandIgentlylaidthechildon
theground.

“Anna.”Shesaid,asmileformingonherlips.

“Good.MyfriendWeshere,isgoingtolookheroveralright,andwhenwe’resureshe’s
oktomove,weneedtogetoutofhere.Canyouwalk?”

“Yes.Ithinkso.”Shesaidsoftly,pattingherlegs,asifshewerecheckingforinjuries.

“Good.WeshereisgoingtocarryAnnaforyou,butIneedyoutostayclosetome,and
movereallyquietly,doyouunderstand?”

“Yes.”Shesaidnodding,butherhandswereshaking.

Ipulledherupintoastandingposition,andplacedherarmaroundmyneck.“I’mgoingto
putmyarmaroundyourforsupportalright?”Iasked,doingasIsaidIwould.Wemadeit
threefeetbeforeweheardshotsringout.Iradioedmymenoutside,whoconfirmedthat
we’dbeenspotted.IpulledNancydown,tellinghertogetbackintothecorner,andWes
carefullymovedAnna,placinghisbodyoverhers.Iaimedmygunoutonebroken
window,afteranother,searchingforthedirectiontheshotshadcomefrom.

Myradiocrackled,andaweakvoicetoldmetogetoutnow.Ididn’thesitate.Iscooped
Nancyupintomyarmsagainstherprotests,andWesdidthesamewithAnna.Onmy
signal,weraninthedirectionoftheHumvees.Wepassedtwoofourmenalongtheway.
Theyweremotionless,layinginthesand.IsetNancydown,tocheckforpulses,butmy
radiocrackledagain,tellingmetoremembermymission.“Shit.”Iyelled,pickingher
backupandrunningasfastasIcould.WhenI’dplacedherinside,andWesclimbed
behindthewheelIinstructedhimtoleave.

“Cruz!Getinthefuckinghumvee!”Wessaid,puttingitintodrive.“Now!”

“Wehavetwomendown,andtwomenMIA!”Iyelled,overtheroaroftheengine.“Get
thehostagestomedical,doyouhearmeGranger?That’sanorder!”

“YesSirSergeant.”Hesaidreluctantly,pressingonthegas,andleavingmetomyown
devices.

Iturnedmynightvisiongogglesbackon,andscannedthearea.FromwhatIcouldsee,I
wasstillalone.Quietly,andquickly,andranbacktomymen.AdamshadaGSWtohis
leftleg,butQuinn,didn’thaveapulse.Icheckedhimover,searchingforwhateverinjury
hadcausedthis.“Whathappened?”IaskedAdams,whowasholdinghisleginpain.

“Twoshooters.”Hemanagedtogritout.“Wetookoneout,andButler,andMendez
chasedaftertheother.”

“You’vegottobefuckingkiddingme!”Iseethed.“Ididn’tgivethatorder.Whogave
themthatfuckingorder!?”

“TheGeneral,heradioedthempersonally.Theshooter’sasuspectedterrorist.Wewant
him.TheythinkhehastiestoISIS.”

Quinn,hadanothergunshotwoundinhisback,andfromthelooksofit,hebledout.
“Fuck.”Isaidagain,crawlingovertoAdams.Irippedthestrapoffmybag,andtiedit
tightabovethewoundonhisleg,makinghimhollaroutinpain.“Sorrybrother.”Isaid,
addinganotherknottosecureit.“Youthinkyoucangetuponthatthing?”

“YesSir.”Hesaid,andtakingmyhand,Ihelpedhimstand.

Heswayedforafewminutes,gettinghisbearings,andthat’swhenmyradiocrackled.
“Cruz,wherethehellareyou?!”Thevoiceshrieked.“WhyisGrangertheonlyman
enroute?”

“ImadeacallGeneral.”Isaidsternly,defendingmydecision.

“Itwasn’tyourcalltomakesergeant.”

“Withalldorespectsir,itwas.Nowifyoudon’tmind,Adamsisinjured,andweneedto
hedback.Quinndidn’tmakeit,andthankstoyouButler,andMendez,areMIA.”

“Watchyourtonesergeant.Onedaywiththelabeldoesn’tnecessarilymakeitso.Youget
yourinjuredmanbacktobase,andyouletmeworryaboutButlerandMendez.
Understood?”

“Yes,Sir.”Isaid,wrappingmyarmaroundAdams’waist,andhelpinghimhobble
towardsthewoodswhereweoriginallyentered.

We’dwalkedforabouttwentyminutes,whenIheardanengine.IdrugAdam’sdeeper
intothewoods,justenoughsothatwecouldseethem,buttheycouldn’tseeus.Whenthe
vehiclegotcloser,Irecognizeditinstantly.“WellI’llbedamned.”Isaid,onalaugh.“It
mustbeourluckydayAdam’s,itlookslikeGranger’sriskinganasswhoopingtocome
backandgetus.”Adam’slaughedwithme,wincingashedidso.“Youalrightsoldier?”I
asked,helpinghimhobbleoutintotheopenonceagain.

“Justabruisedribsergeant.”Hesaid,standingstraighter,andwalkingtaller.

“DidsomebodycallanUber?”Wesjokedwhenhestoppeddirectlyinfrontofus.

“FuckyouGranger.”Adam’ssaid,asIhelpedhimclimbintothebackseat.

“Fuckyourmom,Adams”Wesspatback.

“How’dyougetawayfromGeneralDickHead?”Iasked,finallylettingmyselfrelax.

“Ididn’taskpermission.Bytheway,where’severyoneelse?”

“Quinndidn’tmakeit.”Isaidsomberly.“AsforButler,andMendez?Ihavenoidea.The
Generalsentthemonawildgoosechaseafterashooterwhomay,ormaynotbeaffiliated
withISIS.”

“Hecan’tdothat!Hecan’tjust-”

BOOM!BOOM!Thesoundsweredeafening,flashesoflightexplodingfirstonourleft,
andthenourright.Wespunchedthegas,andanotherloudBOOMechoedthroughtheair,
onlythistimetherewerenoflashesoflight,therewasonlydarkness.

Chapter13Now

Ihadneverbabysatbefore.TheclosestI’devercomewastakingcareofZoe,butshewas
sixteen,andpottytrained.SurehertempertantrumsmatchedGabriel’s,butotherthanthat,
IhadabsolutelynoideawhatIwasdoing.IdecidedtowatchhimatWes,andZoe’splace,
becausetheyhadRocko.Hewastheirgoldenretriever,andIwasdogsittingwhilethey
wereaway.Ithought,ifallelsefailed,GabrielwouldenjoyplayingcatchwithRocko.
Whatkiddidn’tloveanimals?

Mine.That’sright,onelookatRocko,andGabrielscreamedbloodymurder.Afterten
minutes,ofnonstopcrying,Idecidedtoputthedoginthegarage.IfeltbadforRocko,I
reallydid,butEviedidn’tleavemewithacarseat,sowewerestuckhere.Luckily,hehad
enoughtoysinhisbagtokeephimoccupiedfordays,andoncethedogwasremovedour
daywentabitsmoother.

Imanagedbreakfasteasilyenough,andwesailedthroughsnacktimelikepros.Lunch,
wasahorseofadifferentcolor.EverythingIshowedhimhewantednothingtodowith.I
wasstartingtowonderif“no”washisfirstword,whenmycellrang.ItwasEvie,
probablycallingtocheckin.“Hello.”Isaid,handingGabrielhissippycup.

“How’sitgoingoverthere?”Sheasked,andIcouldheartheworryinhervoice.

“OtherthanGabrieldespisingRocko,nottoobad.”Ijoked.“But,whileIhaveyouonthe
phone..whatexactlywillheeatforlunch.He’sturneddowneverythingI’veoffered.”I
admitted,baffled.

Evielaughed.“He’sapickyeater,buthe’lleatchickennuggetsanytimeoftheday.Why
don’tIpicksomeuponthewayover?”

“You’redonealready?”Iaskedsadly.

“Don’tsoundsosadJake.”Sheteased.“Wecanhangaroundforawhile.”

“Alright.”Ismiled,eventhoughIknewshecouldn’tseeme.Icouldn’thelpit.The
thoughtofspendingmoretimewithGabrielmademefeelsomethingI’dneverfeltbefore.
Ineverknewyoucouldlovesomeonethatyoujustmet,itwasanoverwhelmingfeeling,
butinthebestkindofway.

IchangedGabriel’sdiaper,andlaiddownonthelargerugbesidehim.Helaughed,when
heturnedtofaceme,andIcouldn’thelpbutjoinhim.“Doyouwanttoplayairplane?”I
asked,rememberingagamemyfatherusedtoplaywithme.“Yes!”Hesaid,soImotioned
himtowardsme.Grabbingaholdofhissmallhands,Iputmyfeetonhisbelly,andlifted
himhighintothesky.Helaughedwithdelight,andtogetherwemadeenginesounds,asI
swayedhimbackandforth.

Thedoorbellrang,catchingbothofourattentions.“Ibetthat’syourMama.”Isaid,witha
bigsmile.“Shouldwegosee?”

“Mama!”Hesmiledback,ashestruggledtogetdown.

“Holdonbuddy,easydoesit.”Ilaughed,gentlysettinghimtohisfeet.Hebeelinedtothe
door,bangingonitfromtheinside.“Mama!”Hecalledout,andIcouldhearEvie
laughingontheotherside.

Scoopinghimupinmyarms,Ipulledthedooropentoseehersmilingface.Gabriel
reachedhisarmsoutforher,andshegladlytookhimfrommine.“Comeonin.”Isaid,
steppingaside,andclosingthedoorbehindthem.

“Wow.”Shesaid,whensheenteredthelargelivingroom.“Wes,andZoereallyhavea
beautifulhome.Istillcan’tbelievethey’remarried.Howinthehelldidyouletthat
happen?”Sheteased,settingGabrieldownontherugwithhistoys.

“It’salongstory.”Isaid,takingaseatonthecouch,andpattingthecushionbesideme.
“How’dyourinterviewgo?Younevertoldmewhatthejobwasfor,youknow.”

“Ididn’twanttosayanythinguntilIwassure.”Shesaid,turningtofaceme.“The
interviewwasn’tforajobforme.Iwasinterviewingotherpeople.”

“Okay…”Isaid,withquestion.

“ThereasonIcameback,therealreason,isbecauseI’mopeningmyownpractice.”

“You’removingbacktoSanFrancisco?”Iasked,withdisbelief.“Whendidyoudecide
this?”

“Sixmonthsago.IknewthatonceItoldyouthetruthaboutGabriel,thingswouldbe
differentforhim,andI.Asmuchasyou’reaway,Iknewyou’dwanttoseehimwhenyou
werehome.”

“Soyouplannedonmovingback,beforetellingme?”

“Thetruthis.WhenIgotbackintotown,IreachedouttoZoe.Sheinvitedmetothe
reception,andIhadonlyplannedonstayinglongenoughtocongratulateher,butthenI
sawyou.Granted,youwereprettydrunk,butyouwerejustlikeIremembered.Iknew
then,thatIwasdoingtherightthing.Evenifithurt.”

Gabrielcamerushingoverthen,holdingtwohotwheelcarsinhishands.“VROOM
daddy!”Hesaid,rollingthecarsovermylegs.“VROOM,VROOM!”

“Weshouldprobablygivehimthosechickennuggetsyoubrought.”Isaid,rufflinghis
curlyhair.“Youreadyforlunchbuddy?”

“Yes!”

Standing,IgrabbedthebagthatEviestillheldinherhands,andtookitintothekitchen.
Zoedidn’thavemuchforkidseatery,consideringshedidn’thaveany,butIfounda
plasticplate,andthatwasgoodenough.Iaddedmoremilktohissippycup,andplaced
hisnuggets,andfriesontheplatebeforereturningtothelivingroom.Thecoffeetablewas
justtherightheight,soIsethisplateandcupdownthere.“Hereyagobuddy.”Isaid,and
hisresponsewasatoothygrin.

WhenIwassurehewasmoreinterestedinhisfood,thaninEvieorI;Idecidedtofinish
ourearlierconversation.“Wherewereyou?Thesepasttwoyears.Wheredidyougo?”I
askedhercalmly,andquietly,butmyvoicestillcrackedwithpain.

“Iwantedasmaller,quietersetting.Iwas23,single,pregnant,andtryingtogetmyMD,it
justseemedeasier.Ihadtwomoreyearsofmedicalrecidancy,soIfoundatinyhospitalin
Ely,Nevada.Thepopulationwassomethinglikefourthousand,andthepeople..were
amazing.Mypatients,becamemyfriends,andIjustfeltalive,likewhatIwasdoingthere

actuallymattered.Igottoseethereultseveryday,anditwasrewarding.”

“Thenwhycomeback?”Iasked.“Ifyouweresohappythere,whynotopenyourpractice
there?”

“IwatchedanewsclipaboutWes,andZoe’sfoundation,Harper’sHouse.Youremember
whatmyhomelifewaslikewhenIwasachild.”Shesaidwithoutquestion.“Theircause,
reallyresignatedwithme,andIthought..Icanhelp.Isentyoursisteranemail,andthe
restwashistory.Shewantedtotellyoubytheway,butItoldherIwantedtodoit
myself.”

“Did..didmysisterknowaboutGabriel?”Ihalfwhispered,feelingtheangerinsideofme
begintorisebacktothesurface.

“No!”Sherushedout,reachingformyhand.“Ofcoursenot.Nooneknew,otherthan
Antonio.HeletusstaywithhimwhileIfiguredthingsout,andthenonceIdid,he
continuedtohelpwithGabrielwhenIneeded.”

“Whatdoesthatmeanforme?ImeanwithGabriel.”

“Whatdoyouwantittomean?”Sheasked,rubbingherthumbovermyhand.

Theactionremindedmeofbetterdays.Whensheactuallytrustedmeenoughtoletmein.
Foraminute,Imournedthosedays,butGabriel’svoicequicklybroughtmebacktothe
present,andIknewexactlywhatIwanted.“Iwantjointcustody.”Isaid,andbeforeshe
couldobject,Istoppedher.“Please,letmefinish.IknowI’mdeployedalot,butallI’m
asking,isthatwhenIdocomehome,hegetstostaywithme.Iwanttobeputonhisbirth
certificatetoo,andI’llcoverhisinsurance,andpaychildsupport,whateveryouneed.I’m
stillmadashellthatyou’vekepthimawayfromme,butnowthatIknowabouthim,I
won’tlosehim.”

Tearsbegantofallfromhereyes,andIinstinctivelyreachedforface,intendingtowipe
themaway.Istoppedmyselfthough,placingmyhandsinmylapinstead,lookingather
withhopefuleyes.

“Ithinkwecanfiguresomethingout.”Shesaid,withasmile.

Chapter14Then

Iwokeupstaringatabrightwhiteceiling.Ithurttoblink,andthelightsshiningaboveme
stungmyeyes.Mythroatfeltdry,andscratchy,likeI’dswallowedsandpaper.Itriedto
clearit,butthepainwastoointense,andIfoundmyselfgaspingforbreath.Iheard
beepingallaroundme,andthen,arushoffootsteps,andafewfamiliarvoices.Itriedto
speak,toaskthevoiceswhereIwas,butmymouthdidn’tseemtounderstandmybrain’s
request.

“CheckhisIVline.”Awoman’svoicesaid.“He’smaxedoutonmorphine.”Anothersaid.
Itriedtoliftmyhand,togetsomeone’sattention,butmyarmsfeltliketheywere
restrained.Itriedtoseeiftheywere,butmyvisionwasblurry.Itriedtomovemyfeet
next,andmyrightfootmadecontactwiththeendofthebed.Thenoisewasenoughfor
someonetonoticeme.“He’sawake.”Oneofthevoicessaid.“Mr.Cruz,canyouhear
me?”Sheasked,shiningasmalllightinmyeyes.

Inoddedyes,andshesmiledbrightly.“Doyouknowwhereyouare?”Sheasked,andI
shookmyheadagain.“Don’ttrytospeakjustyetalright.Youwereinanaccident.The
reasonyourthroatissoreisbecauseyouhadabreathingtubein.I’mgoingtogograbyou
somewater,andthedoctorwillbeinmomentarilytoupdateyou.Yourfamilyisjust
outside,I’llsendthemin.”Shefinished,andInoddedthatIunderstood.

Afewmomentslater,Zoeenteredtheroom.Shewasmovingsoslowly,Ithoughtshe’d
forgottenhowtowalk.ThelookonherfacewassomethingIhadn’tseensinceourparents
funeral.Shewasterrified,anditwasmyfault.Igaveheraweaksmile,andtriedto
motionherover.Tearsbegantofalldownherface,andsherushedtowardsme.“Wedidn’t
knowifyouweregoingtowakeup.”Shecried,grabbingmyhand,andsqueezingit
tightly.“It’sbeenaweek.Youwereinsomehospitaloverseas,theymovedyouherewhen
youwerestableenough.You’rehomenow,inCalifornia.”

Itriedtospeak,toaskheraboutWes,andAdams,butmyvoicewouldn’tletme.Imadea
writingmotionwithmyhand,andshequicklyhoppedtoherfeetinsearchofsomethingto
writeon.Pullingapenfromherpurse,shegrabbedthewhitepaperbaghangingfrommy
mealtrayandrippeditoff,handingbothtome.“Wes?”Iwrote,andhelditouttoher.

“Wesisfine.Hewasthrownfromthehumvee,hehadacoupleofbrokenribs,buthe’son
themend.”Shesaidcheerfully,knowingitwaswhatIneededtohear,butherfacegrew
somberoncemore,andIknewbeforeshesaidthewordsthatAdamsdidn’tmakeit.
“Adamsismissing.”Shesaidquietly.

“HeyZoe,Ibroughtussomecof-Jake!You’reawake!”Eviesaid,droppingthetwocups
sheheld.Coffeesplashedontothewhitefloor,andsplatteredherlegs,andthewallbehind
her.“Shit!”Shesquealed,steppingoverthemess,andhurryingontothebedbesideme.“I
thoughtIlostyou.”Shesaid,abitcalmernow,asatearescapedfromhereye.“Don’tyou
everpullthiskindofshitagaindoyouhearme!?”Shesaid,onlyhalfteasing.

Icrookedmyfingerforhertocomecloser,andwhisperedinherear.“Iloveyou
Hermosa.”Beforethedrugspulledmeunder,andIwasasleeponceagain.

Thedoc’smademestayforaweek,andwhentheyweresurethecognitivepartofmy

brainwasalright,theygavemeacleanbillofhealth.Ihadacrackedrib,andalotof
bumpsandbruises.Turnsoutmyhardheadtookthebruntwhenthehumveeflippedover.
Myhelmetcouldonlyprotectsomuch,andI’dundoneitwhenIgotin.Amistake,I
wouldn’tbemakingagain.

MyhomecomingconsistedofZoe,andEviemakingmyfavoritedinner.Lasagna.Ithad
tobeoverninetydegreesoutside,butherethesetwowerebakinglasagnainshortsand
tanks.Iwasgettingaroundalright,butI’dbeenhavingtheseintensemigrainessincethe
accident.Thedocssaidthey’dworkthemselvesoutintime,andtotakethingsslow.My
brainhadtohealfromit’sinjuries,andtheydidn’thaveadefinitivetimelineforwhenI’d
beabletogobackoutintothefield.

InthefouryearsthatI’dbeenenlisted,thiswasmyfirstrealaccident.Itwasenoughto
scareZoeintobeggingmetoleave,butEviedidn’teventry.SheknewmebetterthanI
knewmyself.AssoonasIwasable,I’dbeenjoiningWes,andmyteambackatthebase.I
missedmyapartmentthere,eventhoughIwasgratefulforthistimewithmyfavoritegirls.

Ijustflippedthetelevisionontoafootballgame,whenEviecameandsatdownbeside
me.“Howyafeeling?”Sheasked,carefullyrunningherhandovermymostlybaldhead.
Thedocshadtoshaveittorepairthebrainbleedthatputmeinmytimeoutchair.

“Tired.”Isaidhonestly.

“Youwantmetohelpyouupstairs?”Sheasked,genuinely.

“Onlyifyou’llstay.”Isaid,raisingmyeyebrowsupanddown.

“Jake.”Shewarned.“Wetalkedaboutthis,remember?”

Isighed,takingherhandinmine.“Iknow.I’msorry,Ishouldn’thaveasked.Ijust,I
missedyouHermosa.”Isaidsoftly.

“ImissedyoutooJake.”Shesighedback,herdefensesdropping.“Youreallyscaredme.”
Sheadded,asshestood.Reachingformyhand,shehelpedmestandslowly,andthetwo
ofusmadeourwayupstairstothebedroom.“I’llberightbackZoe.”Shecalleddownthe
stairs,whenwemadeittothetop.

Isatdownontheendofthebed,andEviesatbesideme.“Whatareyourplans?”She
asked.“Afterthis.Whenyourbetter?”

“Youalreadyknowtheanswertothat.”Isaid,turningtofaceher.“I’vegotajobtodo.”

“Willyoualways?Imeanwhatdoyouwantfromthearmy?TomakeGeneral,Colonel?
Whendoesitstop?”

“Ithink,whenitfeelsright.ThenI’llknow.Doesthatmakesense?”

“Onlyforyou.”Shesmiled.“IwishIcouldbemorelikeyou.”

“Howso?”

“IwishIcouldjust…live.Nooverthinking,nooverplanning,justlivinginthemoment.
That’swhatyoudotomeJake,youbreathelifeintome.”

“Comehere.”Iwhispered,reachingforherwaist,andpullingherontomylap.

Shesat,straddlingmythighs,hercorerubbingagainstmyevergrowingerection.“One
moretimeHermosa?”Iallbutbegged.Herreplywasawhimper,asshecrushedherlips
tomine,andIreachedmyhandsunderthebackofhershirt.Iunclaspedherbra,andlifted
hershirtoverherhead,ourkissonlybrokenbyit’sremoval.Shereachedforthehemof
myshirt,andtugged,makingmeliftmyarmsinassistance.

Ilaidbackonthebed,takingherwithme.Itookasharpbreath,forgettingaboutmy
bruisedribs.Herweightwasawelcomeonethough,soIfoughtthroughit.Myhandsran
downherback,reachingforthebandofhershorts.Igavethemalittletug,asIarchedmy
hips,aglimpseofwhatwastocome.Shepulledherselfaway,andstoodthen,leavingher
pantiesinapoolonthefloor,beforeunbuttoningmyjeans.Inaninstant,wewereflesh,
onflesh,mycockfillinghercompletely.

Shemoanedmyname,assheridmeslowly,everymoveintentional.Itwaslikewehad
neverstopped.Thechemistrybetweenusenoughtostartafire.Igrippedherass,pulling
heragainstme.Icouldfeelhershudderaroundme,asshebecamecloser,andcloser,to
lettinggo.Mydepth,matchedherspeed,andwecametogetherinaseriesofloudmoans,
andwhispers.Eachofusholdingon,butatthesametimelettinggo.Knowingthatthis
wasreallythelasttimewe’dbetogether.

Shedidn’thavetosayit,butIknew.Iknewthatshecouldn’tlivethelifethatIlived.She
deservedastablelife,wheretherewerenosurprises.NotwelveAMknocksonthedoor,
nophonecallsinthemiddleofthenight.Justsafe,andnormal.Aninetofivelife.And
thatwasfine..forher,butitwasn’tforme.Iwantedmore.Icravedit.Andmaybethat
wasabadthing?MaybeIwasacompleteidiotforlettingEvieoutofmylife.OnlyGod
knew,andIhopeditwouldbeagoodlongtimebeforeIhadtospeaktohim.

IheldEvieinmyarmsthatnight,andinthemorning,sheleft.Weagreedtostayfriends,
andpromisedtomeetupwhenIwashomeagain.ItooksolaceinthefactthatI’dstill
haveherinmylife.Evenifitwasn’tintheaspectIreallywanted.Zoehadreturnedtoher
ownroutine,andresumedherclasses.AndI,washeadingbacktoFortHunterLiggett.It
wastimetofindoutwhatexactlyitwasthatIwantedfromthearmy,andittookafive
footfivebrunettewithbigbrowneyestoshowmethat.

Chapter15Now

FindingoutthatEviewasstayinginSanFransciscohadreallythrownmeforaloop.On
onehand,Iwasgrateful.ItmeantthatI’dbeabletoseeGabrielwheneverIwashome.
Theproblemwas,Iwasn’tstayinginSanFranscisco.WhenIfirstgotbackintotown,it
wasn’tjustforWes,andZoe’swedding.Itwasalsototalktoarealtor,aboutputtingmy
parentshomeonthemarket.Itjustdidn’tfeellikehomeanymore.Zoe,andIhadourown
livesnow.

ThesepastfewdayswentsowellwithEvieandGabriel,Iwasafraidtotellheranyofit.I
knowitwascowardly,butIdidn’twanttogiveheranyreasonstopullaway.Ihadthree
moredaysbeforeWes,andZoewouldreturnfromtheirhoneymoon.WhichmeantIhad
five,beforeIwasreturningtoFortHunterLiggett.FivedaystotellEviethatIplanon
stayingthere,andfivedaystoconvincehertocomewithme.

Isoundedcrazy.Iknewthat,andthefactthatIdidmademerealizeI’mnotcrazyatall.I
knowwearen’tteenagersanymore,wearen’tinlove,andthere’snopotentialfora
happilyeverafter.But,thereisthehereandnow.There’sachanceatareallygreat
friendship,andtheprivilegeofraisingourlittleboytogether,andmaybethatcouldbe
enough?IplannedonpickingsheandGabrielupinahour.Weweregoingtothezooto
seethenewpenguinexhibit,andIthoughtitwouldbeagoodtimetobroachthesubject.
Atleastshecouldn’trunawayfromtheconversation,especiallyifIwasherridehome.

Istoppedatthegrocerystore,andmadeupasmallcooler.Drinksmostly,butIgrabbeda
fewsnacksforGabrieltoo.Ifoundmyselfdoingthatalotlately,pickingthingsupfor
him.Itwaslikebringingyourwifehomeherfavoritecandybar,ororderingthesandwich
becauseyouknewitcamewithyourhusband’sfavoritecoleslaw.Smallactsoflove,that
whenthoughtaboutbythemselveswerenormal.Butwhenyouputallthosesmallacts
together,that’swhatIfeelforGabriel.It’swhatIoncefeltforEvie,andifIwaslucky,I
mightbeabletofeelagain.

IpulleduptoEvie’sapartmentbuildingafewminutesearly.IcaughtaglimpseofGabriel
runningpastthefrontwindow,andIsmiled.Eviewasn’tfarbehindhim,andIlaughed
whenshescoopedhimupintoherarmsandspunhimaround.Icouldwatchthemlikethat
allday.IwishIcouldhave.Iwonderedwhathewaslikewhenhewasababy?Didhecry
alot?Didhesleepthroughthenight?Myjoyquicklyturnedtosadness,asIthoughtabout
allthethingsthatIhadmissed.

Shakingthefeeling,Iclimbedoutofmytruckandmademywaytothefrontdoor.Evie
answeredrightaway,sayingsheseenmewhenIpulledin.Gabrielrantome,holdinghis
lioninhisarms.“Lionszoo!”Hesaidexcitedly“Rawr!”

“That’srightbuddy,we’regoingtoseereallionsatthezoo!”Isaid,mirroringhis
excitement.“Areyouallreadytogo?”

“Yes!”Hesquealed,jumpingup,anddown.“Zoo,zoo!”

“AlrightGabriel.”Eviesaid,inasoothing,butdemandingtone.“Calmdown,wehavea
longridetothezoo.Wedon’twanttoscaretheanimalswhenwegettheredowe?”

“NoMama.”Hesaid,shakinghistinyhead,hisbottomlipprotrudingfromhismouth.

Itriednottolaugh,Ireallydid,butIwasnewatthisparentingthing,andGabrielwas
adorable.ThelookEviegavemewasoneofannoyance,butafterafewsecondsshebroke
too.Beforelong,wewerealllaughing,andGabrielwasbacktorunningaroundtheliving
roomroaringloudly.Itwasn’tuntilwe’dfinishedloadingthecar,andweresafelyonour
waytothezoo,thatIapologized.

“I’msorryaboutearlier.”Ioffered.“Idon’tknowhowyoudoit.Howdoyouknowwhen
tofistbumphim,orpunishhim?”Ijoked.

“Itisn’talwayseasy.”Sheadmitted.“Especiallywhenheremindsmeofyou.”Shesmiled,
rememberingthethought.“Inoticeditthefirsttimewhenhereallywantedasnack.He
gavemethesebigpuppydogeyes,andthen..thedimple.Yourdimple.Icriedthatday.I
knowitprobablydoesn’tmeanmuchtoyou,butseeingsomuchofyouinhim,itwas
hard.Itmadememissyou.Ialmosttoldyousomanytimes.IwishIhadsomeprofound
reasonforwhyIdidn’t,butthetruthis,Iwasacoward.”

Ilookedintherearviewmirror,andGabriel’sheadwasstartingtobob.Afewmore
minutes,andhewouldbeasleep.“Ican’tsaythatIagreewithyourdecision,butI’m
startingtounderstandit.Iknowaftermyaccident,thingschanged.Iknewthatyou
deservedasaferlife.Istillwantedtoaskyouthough.”

“Askmewhat?”

“Tobewithme.”Isaidfinallylayingthecardsoutonthetable,thewayIshouldhave
doneonourlastnighttogether.“Whenyoutoldmewehadtogobacktobeingfriends,I
onlyagreed,becauseIthoughtitwaswhatyouwanted.IhadfeelingsforyouEvie.Real,
forever,kindsoffeelings,butIwastoomuchofacowardtotellyou.WhenIaskedifyou
wantedacommitment,Iwasdyinginside,hopingyou’dsayyes.But,youdidn’t.”

“Ithought-”

“Iknow.YouthoughtIneverlovedyou,likeyoulovedme.Iguesswewereboth
hypocrites.Tryingtodothethingswethoughtwouldmaketheotherhappy.Crazything
is,ifIhadbeenhonest,maybethingswouldhaveendedupdifferently.”

“Youmean,maybeIwouldn’thavekeptGabrielfromyou?”Sheasked,defensively.

“Ididn’ttellyouallofthistostartanargument,ortoplaceblameonanyone.Ijust,I
thoughtwedeservedafreshstart,whichiswhythere’ssomethingIneedtotellyou.”

“Okay.”Shesaidwarily.“Whatisit?”

“I’vedecidedtoputmyparentshomeonthemarket.Zoesaidshedoesn’twantit,and
honestlyithasn’tfeltlikehomeinaverylongtimeforme.Ihaveahouseonbase,andI
planonlivingtherefulltime.It’saboutathreehourdrivefromhere,tothere,andIwas
hopingyouandGabrielwouldliketocomewithme.”

“Areyouaskingme..ustomoveinwithyou?”Shestammered.

“Yes.”Ilaughed.“I’mnotdelusional.IknowyouandIarestrictlyfriends.Butyouhave
toadmit,wemakeagreatteam.”

“Jake.Ican’tjustmoveinwithyou.I’mopeningmyownpracticeinsixmonths!I’ve
alreadyhiredmynurses,andreceptionists,nottomentionmyweeklygigatHarper’s

House.Threehoursisn’tahugedistance,I’msurewecanworksomethingout.MaybeI
candrivehimtoyoueveryotherweekend,orwecouldmeethalfway?”

“Igobackinfivedays.”Isaid,thesadnessevidentinmyvoice.“I’vemissedoutonthe
lasttwoyearsEvie,Idon’twanttomissanotherminute.”

“Iknow.AndIknowthatwasmyfault,butIcan’tjustdropeverythingthatI’veworked
sohardfor.YouknowhowbadI’vewantedthis,andforhowlong.Canwejustenjoy
today?We’llfigureouttherestaswego.Wehaveallthetimeintheworldnow.”

“Let’sgoseesomepenguins.”Ismiledweakly.Ialreadyknewshe’dsayno,butitdidn’t
meanIwasgoingtostoptrying.

Wefoundaparkingspotonthesecondlevel,andaftergettingGabrielsettledinhis
wagon,webeganourwalkacrossthebridgeoverlookingthezoo.Irememberedthen,that
Eviewasafraidofheights,soIreachedforherhand.Welookedlikeanyotherfamilyat
thezoothatday.Me,pullingGabriel’swagonwithonehand,andholdinghismom’swith
theother.Icouldhaveletitgowhenwereachedthebottom,butIdidn’t.Shedidn’tpull
awayeither,soItookitasagoodsign.

Thefirstanimalsweseenweretheotters.TheywereEvie’sfavorite.Everytimeherface
litup,whenonewouldswimpastherwasadorable.IliftedGabrielfromhiswagonsohe
couldgetabetterlook.Hesquealedwithdelight,astheottersjumpedoutofthewaterand
slidontheirbellies.Wesawthebearsnext,andthentherhinos,butitwaswhenwe
reachedthelionexhibitthatGabriel’seyesgrewwidewithfascination.Heheldhisstuffed
liontight,ashewalkedslowlytowardstheexhibit.

Allthatwasseparatingusfromthelionwasathinkpaneofglass.Heyawned,showingus
hismassiveteeth,andGabrielopenedhismouthwide.“Rawr.”Hewhispered,tooafraid
toscarehim,likeEviesaidhemightearlier.

“Whatdoyouthinkbuddy?”Iasked,rufflinghiscurlyhead.

“LionbigDaddy!”Hesaid,inaloudwhisper.

Westood,watchingthelionexhibitforagoodthirtyminutes.Everytimewetriedto
leave,Gabrielcried.Helovedjustwatchinghimmove,andwhenheletoutasoftgrowl,
Gabrielgiggled.Hewasabsolutelyenthralledwiththecreature,andIwasenthralledwith
him.Ineverthoughtseeingthehappinessofanotherpersoncouldmakemesohappy.It
wasbetterthanbeinghappyyourself.Itwasadifferentkindoffeeling,knowingthatI’d
madehisdayspecial.

Bythetimewemadeitbacktothetruck,Gabrielwasrubbinghiseyes.Ibuckledhiminto
hisseat,andputallofhislionsouvenirsontheseatbesidehim.Imayhavegonealittle
overboard,butitwasourfirstrealoutingtogether,andIwantedtocommemorateit.I
evenpaidtwentydollarsforapictureofthethreeofusinazooframe.Iprobablywould
havespentmoreifEviehadn’tconvincedmenottoo.Evenafteralltheseyears,shewas
stillthelevelheadedone.

We’dbeenontheroadforabouttenminutesbeforeshekickedhershoesoff,andputher
feetuponthedash.“Iseeyou’restillfondofhotpinknailpolish.”Ijoked,remembering
thewayshedidtheexactsamething,whenevershewasinmycar.Theonlydifference

now,wasthatIwasn’tholdingherhand.Feelingbold,Ireachedover,andplacedmyhand
onhers.Shedidn’tpullaway,andwhenIcurledmyfingersbetweenhers,shegaveminea
littlesqueeze.“I’vemissedyouEvie.”Isaidsoquietly,Iwasn’tsureifsheheardme.

“I’vemissedyoutooJake.”Shewhisperedback.

Chapter16Then

Ihadbeenbacktoworkforthreeweeksnow,andIwasmoreboredthanever.Iwason
deskdutysotospeak.Igottohelpcoordinatespecialops,butIcouldn’tactively
participateuntilIhadacleanbillofhealthfrommydoctors.Ispentmostofmytime
workingout.Thephysicalactivityhelpedtokeepmymindoffofmylackofdeployment,
aswellasmylackofEvie.Ourlastnighttogetherwasamazing,andIhadonlytalkedto
hertwicesince.

Thefirsttimewespokeaboutherclasses,andhowshewaslookingforwardtoher
residency.Sheseemedreallyexcited,butwhenItriedtoSkypeherafewdayslater,she
neverresponded.Iwaitedaweek,andtriedagain,butwhensheanswered,shewasn’t
herself.Shesaidshewascomingdownwithsomething,andthatwe’dtalksoon.Thatwas
lastweek,andIhadsomedowntime,soIopenedmylaptop,andsentheravideochat
request.

Ihitsend,andanerrormessagepoppeduponmyscreen.“Thisuserprofilenolonger
exists.”Whatthehell?Ithought,typingherscreennameintothesearchbar.“Noresults.”
Pickingupmycell,Idialedhernumber.“Thisnumberisnolongerinservice.”Checking
myphone,Idialedagain,onlytobemetbythesamerecording.Baffled,Idialedmy
sister’snumber,hopingthatmaybeshe’dheardfromEvie.

WhenZoedidn’tanswer,Ileftheramessage.Therewasn’tmuchmoreIcoulddo,soI
wenttofindWes.Hewasshippingoutintwodays,andIwantedtotalktohimbeforehe
left.Ifoundhimsittingonhisfrontporch,abeerinonehand,andabookintheother.
You’dneverknowitbylookingathim,butthemanwasanavidreader.“Hey,man.”I
said.“I’mnotinterruptinganythingamI?”

“Nah,comeonup.”Hesaid,gesturingtowardstheemptychairbesidehim.“Youwanta
beer?”

“Can’t.”Isaid,pointingtomyhead.“Docshavetogivemetheallclear,plusI’mworking
onreconforyourupcomingOP.”

“Howdoyoulikethereconsideofthings?”

“Honestly?It’snothinglikebeingwaistdeepinthethickofit.Imissitalready.The
smells,thesounds,theadrenalinerushingthroughyourveins.Hardtofeelallthatsitting
behindacomputer,andpunchingincoordinates.”

“You’veonlygotanotherwhat?Threeweeks?”Heasked,eventhoughhealreadyknew
theanswer.Hewashumoringme,andIwasokaywiththat.

“Twenty–onedays.”Isaid,withacurtnod.“IvebeentryingtoreachEvie.”

“Youneedtoborrowmywi-fi?”Hejoked.

“Iwishitwerethatsimplebrother.”Isaid.“Ithinksomethingmightbewrong.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“I’vetriedSkype,videochatting,andcallinghercell,buteverything’sdisconnected.”

“HaveyoutriedZoe?”Heaskedraisinghiseyebrowinquestion.

“Noanswer,butIleftheramessage.”

“Iwouldn’tworrytoomuchintoit.Shemayhavejustchangedhercellnumber.New
phone,newnumber,she’dhavetomanuallyaddherappsback.Giveitadayortwo,and
tryagain.”

“Yeah,maybeyou’reright.”Ireasoned.“It’sjustsooutofcharacterforher,youknow?”

“Ithoughtyouguysagreedtoslowthingsdown?Maybeit’sjusteasierforherifshekeeps
somedistancebetweenyou?”

“Whenthehelldidyougetsointunewithwomen’sinnerfeelings?”Ijoked.

“Whyjustlastnight,IgotprettyfuckingintunewithJessica’sinnerfeelings.”Heshot
back,draininghisbeer.“Thesinglelifereallyisthewaytogobrother.”

“Youtryingtoconvinceme,oryourself?”

“Noconvincingneeded.Iwouldn’tbeabletoconcentrateonthemission.I’dbethinking
aboutthelittleladybackhome,andworryingaboutgettinghometoher.Toomuchstress.
ThiswayIjustgettoblowshitup.”

“Hoorah!”Icalledout,makinghimlaugh,andrepeatthesentiment.Hehadapoint,
blowingshitupwasprettyfuckingcool,butitwasn’tthereasonIcametoseehim.The
truthwas,Iowedhim.Ifitweren’tforhim,myinjurieswouldhavebeenalotworsein
thefield.HenevergavemeanyshitforthewholesituationwithEvie,andhealwayshad
myback.HewasoneofthebestmenIknew,andhewasquicklybecomingmybest
friend.“Look,beforeyouheadout,Iwantedtothankyou.”Istarted,butheheldhishand
upstoppingme.

“Youwouldhavedonethesameforme.”Hesaid.“You’llmakeituptomeoneday.”He
winked.“Whoknows,maybeyou’llletmetakeyoursisterout.”

“Zoe?!”IlaughedsohardIthoughtIwasgoingtofallover.“Shecan’tstandyou!”

“Wehaveamutualunderstanding.”Hesaid,knowingly.

“Yeah?Andwhat’sthat?”

“Idon’tletsomedickheadblowyoutosmitherines,andshedoesn’tkillmeforlettingit
happen.”

Ishookmyhead.Leaveittomysistertomakeadealformylife.Shewastheonlyfamily
Ihadleftinthisworld,soIgotit,butitstillsurprisedme.Thefactthatshe’devenbother
reachingouttoWestosecuremysafetymademesmile.Ofallthethingsshe’sdoneto
drivemycompletelyinsane,thiswasoneofthesanerthings.

LeavingWestohisowndevices,IheadedbackhometotryEvieagain.Iwasn’tsurprised
whenallthesamerecordingsplayedbackinmyear.IsendZoeatextthistime,askingher
tocallmeasap.Ievenincludeda911,itwasacodewesentwhenthingswereurgent,and
important.Afewsecondslater,myphonerang.“Hello?”Ianswered.

“What’swrong?Areyouokay?”Zoeasked,fullofconcern.

“I’mfine.”Isaid,brushingheroff.“HaveyouheardfromEvie?”

“Evie!?”Sheyelled,withexasperation.“Youdon’ttextme911,whenyou’reona
freakingarmybase,recoveringfromaheadinjuryJake!”

“You’reright.I’msorry.”Isaid,instantlyregrettingtheuseofthenumber.“But,thisis
urgent.Evie’snumberhasbeendisconnected,andallofheronlineaccountshavebeen
deactivated.Doyouknowwhat’sgoingon?”

“Italkedtoherafewdaysago.Shementionedstartingherresidency,butshedidn’tsay
where.”

“I’vegotajobhere,butwhenit’sfinished,andWesleavesforoverseas,I’mcoming
home.IhaveabadfeelingZoe.”

“It’sprobablynothing.Youguyshaveaweirdrelationshipanyway.Iwouldn’tworry
aboutit.Butsinceyou’llbehome,youthinkyoucanhelpmeputsomenewpartsonmy
car?Themechanicwantstochargemeanarmandaleg,andIknowyoucandoitso
muchbetter.”

“I’llbehomeinthreedaysatthelatest.”Isaid,ignoringherquestion.Shealreadyknew
I’ddothedamnjob,itwasjustamatterofmebeingthere.

“Ok.Seeyousoon.”Shesaid,hangingupwithoutanotherword.

Irolledmyeyes,tuckingmycellbackintomypocket.Wes,andZoeseemedtobeonthe
samepageaboutEvie,andI,butsomethingjustwasn’tsittingrightwithme.Eventhough
weagreedtoendthebenefitsportionofourfriendship,wedidn’tagreetoendtheactual
friendship.Whatreasonwouldshehavetojustdropoffthefaceoftheearth.No
Facebook,Instagram,notevenGoodreads,andthewomanhadloadsofbooksonhertobe
readlist.

Allofmyquestionswouldhaveanswers,andIonlyhadtowaitafewmoredaystoget
them.ThiswasthefirsttimesinceIenlisted,thatIwishedIcouldjustleavethebase.I
alwaysfollowedmygut,anditwastellingmethatsomethingbiggerwasgoingon.Maybe
Ishouldn’thavereturnedtoworksosoon.MaybeIshouldhavestayedinSanFranscisco
untilIwasclearforactiveduty.Thereweretoomanymaybes,andnotenoughsurethings
inmyscenario,andunfortunatelyallIcoulddowaswait.

Chapter17Now

Evie,andIweremeetingatHarper’sHousetoday.Shehadn’tbeeninsideyet,andsince
ColehadbeenrunningtheplaceinWes,andZoe’sabsence,itwasn’thardtogetinside.I
decidedtobringRockoalongtogethimoutofthehouse,andhehadhisownspaceinthe
building.AssoonasIarrived,Colecameoutofthebuildingsportingasmile.Thereason
behindit,kindofscaredme.Hewasn’texactlythewarmestperson,andusually,asmile
meanthewasuptonogood.

“Morning!”Hesaid,shuttingthedoorsecurelybehindhim.

“Cole.”Isaidwarily.“What’sbehindthedoor?”

“Youarmyguys.”Hesaid,baffled.“Doyouallhavetrustissues,orisitjustyouand
Wes?”

“Didyoueveraskyourselfifyou’rethereasonwehavethoseissues?”Iasked,raisinga
brow.

“Ha.Ha.”Hesaidsarcastically,motioningtowardsthedoor.“Goahead,goonin.”

Warily,Itookafewstepsforward.Islowlypulledthedooropen,andwentinside.Aquick
lookaroundtoldmethattheplacewasstillstanding,sotherewasthat.Butasecond
glance,foundexactlywhathewashiding.There,sittingbehindthereceptionistsdeskwas
HarperBlue.Theverywomantheplacewasnamedfor.I’donlyeverseenherinpictures,
andtheydidn’tdoherjustice.Shewasabeautifulwoman,withlongblondehair,and
piercingblueeyes.Shesatquietly,staringatme,assessingme,beforeclearingherthroat
slightly.

“Hello.”Shesaid,quietly.“YoumustbeJake.”

“Andyou’reHarper.”Istatedwithoutquestion.“It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”

“Thankyou.Imean.Youtoo.”Shestammered.“Sorry.I’malittlenewatthissocializing
thing.”

“It’salright,butI’msorry,Coledidn’tmentionthatyouwouldbehere.Whyareyouhere
exactly?”

“Oh.I’vebeengranteddayleave.”Shesaidexcitedly.“It’sonlyforafewhours,andI
havetostaywithCole,buthereallywantedmetoseemynamesake,andshowmeallthe
kidsthathe,andWeshavebeenhelping.Ihopethat’sokay.Idon’twanttointrude.”

“It’sfine,really.”Ismiledwarmly.“Myson,andhismotherwillbehereshortly.She’sa
pediatrician.She’sofferedhertimeforthekidswhocan’tmakeittoadoctoronaregular
basis.”

“That’samazing.EverythingWes,andhiswifehavedonehereisamazing.Istillcan’t
believeit.Thathewouldnamethisplaceafterme.Itseemssosurreal.”

“Ihatetoask,butdoesthatmeanyoudon’tagreewithyoursister?”

“Jake!”Coleinterupptedratherloudly.“Yourbabymama’shere.”

“Don’tcallherthat.”Isaid,turningawayfromHarper,andheadingbackoutsidetohelp

withGabriel.

“WhatshouldIcallherthen?”Heasked,seeminglyinnocent.

Iflippedhimthebird,andkeptwalking.Ididn’tlowermyhanduntilIheardthedoorshut
behindme.MaybeIwasabitoutoflineaskingHarperabouthersister.Butthatbitch
terrorizedmysisterlastyear,andIwantedtoknowwhereshestood.Whatifshereally
haditoutforWes,andwasusingColetogettohim?Or,maybeallmyyearsinthearmy
hadmesearchingforconspiracieswheretheirweren’tany.

“HolaHermosa.”Isaid,greetingEviewithahugthatfeltalltoofamiliar.“Sorry.”Isaid,
pullingaway.“Ishouldn’thavecalledyouthat.Itjust,rolledoffmytongueIguess.”

“It’sok.”Shesmiled.“Gabriel’ssleeping,butIcanwakehimifyou’dlike.”

“No.Lethimsleep.”Isaid,checkingtomakesurehiswindowwasdown,beforetakinga
seatononeofthebenchesbythebasketballcourt.“Sitwithme?”Iasked,pattingthe
spacebesideme.Sheobliged,andIletoutabreathIwasn’tawareIwasholding.“Wes,
andZoewillbehometomorrow,andIwashopingwecouldallgettogetherfordinner.
CallmeselfishbutIreallywantthemtomeetGabriel.”

“Hereallylovesyou;youknow.Iwasworried.Ithoughtcomingbackhere,uprooting
himfromtheonlyhomeheknewwasgoingtobedifficult,butit’sbeenjusttheopposite.
Iwantedtothankyouforthat.”Shesaid,reachingformyhand.“Thankyouforbeing
you,andnothatingme.Alessermanwouldhave.”

“LikeIsaid,IonlywanttomoveforwardEvie.Evenifthatmeansdoingitonourown.”

“Mama!”Gabriel’slittlevoiceyelledfromthecar,interruptingourconversation.Evie
stoodthen,goingtohim,andunbucklinghimfromhisseat.Shetriedtocarryhimover,
buthemanagedtowigglefree,andruntomeinstead.“Daddy!”Hesaid,withasmile.

“Heybuddy.Readytogoinsideandplay?”Iasked,withasmuchexcitementasIcould
muster.

“Yes!Play!”Hesaid,jumpingupanddown.

Itookhishandinmine,andtogetherweenteredHarper’sHousewithEvieonourheels.
WeonlymadeitafewstepsinsidebeforeIwasspinningGabrielaroundtofacethe
oppositedirection.“I’mgoingtogiveyoufivesecondstofixyourclothesCole,afterthat
I’mcomingintohelp.”Isaid,withfury.Evieblushed,scoopingGabrielup,andside
steppingpastmeintotheadjacentroom.Itjustsohappenedtobeheroffice/examroom.

“Sorryman!”Colecalledout.“We’regoodnow!”

“Areyou?I’msurethereasonWesgaveyouakey,andleftyouinchargeofthingswasso
youcouldusetheplaceasasexpad.”Isaid,withasmuchsarcasmasIcouldmuster.

“Oh,comeon.Justbecauseyouaren’tgettingany,itdoesn’tmeanyouhavetorainonmy
parade.Yougonnatellonme?”Hegoaded.

“KeeppushingmeCole.”Iwarned.

Puttinghishandsup,hegrabbedHarper’shand,andledheroutside.Iranmyhands
throughmyhair,lettingoutadeepbreath,beforejoiningEvie,andGabriel.Ifoundher

sittingbehindherdesk,hernameplaquealreadyadorningit.Zoehadthoughtof
everything,butthatdidn’tsurpriseme.Runningthisplacewasherpassion,anditwas
somethingshereallyhadaknackfor.Shewined,anddinedinvestorslikeshewasbornto
doso,andWesjustfollowedherlead.Heevenletherauctionhimoffafewmonthsagoto
raisemoneyforajobskillsteachertocomeout.

“Youlooklikeyoubelonghere.”Isaid,leaningonthedoorframe,andtakingherin.

“It’sperfect.”Shesaid,wipingatearfromhereye.

“Hey.”Isaid,steppingtowardsher.“WhythetearsHermosa?”Iaskedsoftly,wiping
anotheraway.

“Ijust,IneverthoughtI’dbeonthissideofthings.ThekidsthatI’llbehelpinghere,I
wasoneofthem.DoyourememberwhenIshowedyoutheburnsonmyarms?”

“Ofcourse.”

“Therewasnowheretogo.Theywouldhavecalledthepolice,andIwouldhavebeenin
moretrouble.Thisplace,whatZoe,andWeshavedone.Thisplaceisgoingtosavekids
likeme.Literally,savethem,andthefactthatIgettobeapartofthatisbeyondanythingI
evercouldhavehopedfor,andIoweittoyou.”Shesniffed,tearsstillfallingfromher
eyes.

“Me?”Iasked,framingherfacewithmyhands.“NoHermosa,thisisallyou.Youputin
thework,andyoumadeyourdreamcometrue.Notme.”

“Youpushedme.”Shesaid,placingherhandsovermine.“Doyouknowhowmanytimes
Ialmostgaveup?Andthenyou’dcallmeattwoAMfromsomeGodforsakenplace,and
you’dpickmeup.Nomatterwhereyouwere,orwhatyouweregoingthroughoverseas,
youwerealwaysthereforme,andIwassuchafool.”

“You’rebrilliant.”

“Abrilliantfool,whoshouldhaverealizedhowyoureallyfelt.IreallymessedupJake.”

Idon’tknowwhyIdid,whatIdidnext.Myhandswereonherface,andshewassaying
shelovedmebackthen,wasn’tshe?Igotcaughtupinthemomentthatweweresharing,
andIkissedher.Itwasaquickkiss,asoftkiss,akissthatIshouldn’thavelethappen.It
waslikehistorywasrepeatingitselfalloveragain.IfinallyhadEviebackinmylife.We
werebecomingfriendsagain,andIhadtopushtheenvelope..again.

Chapter18Then

TurnsoutIwasprettyawesomeatrunningrecon,soawesomethatthegeneralaskedme
todoitagain.Ipolitelyturnedhimdown.AssoonasIcamebackfromcheckingupon
Evie,andZoe,Iwasgettingbackinthesaddle.Nomoresittingbehindacomputer.I
neededtofeelthesandinmyboots,likeIneededairtobreathe.Luckily,thegeneral
understoodthat,andpromisedI’dgettoleadtheplatoonagainassoonasIwascleared.

Ileftthebaseateightinthemorning,hopingtobeinSanfranciscobeforenoon.I
promisedZoeIwouldcheckinfirst,butIalreadyknewIwasbreakingthatpromise.Iwas
drivingdirectlytoEvie’sapartment.IdidwhatWessaid,andgaveitacoupleofdays,but
whenIcalled,theresultswerethesame.Linesweredisconnected,andsocialmedia
accountsweredeleted.Ihadnootherchoicebuttotrackherdown,andconfronther.

IdrovefasterthanIshouldhave,andonlystoppedoncetogrababitetoeat.TheminuteI
sawthesignwelcomingmetoSanFranscisco,IpulledoutmycellanddialedZoe.No
senseinmakingherwonder,orworry.Besides,Icouldtellbythetoneofhervoicethat
shedidn’texpectanydifferent.IhadaboutahalfhoursdrivetoEvie’splace,soIblasted
theradio,putthewindowsdown,andtriedtothinkaboutwhatIwasgoingtosay.

Shewasgoingtobepissed,thatIjustcamebywithoutaskingherfirst.Buthell,Iwas
pissedthatshecutherselfofffromtheworldwithoutanyrhymeorreason.Ifyouasked
me,wewereeven.I’dmakeherunderstand,we’dfightforalittlewhile,andwithany
luckwe’dbewatchingacornymovieanhourlater.Evienevercouldstaymadme,andI
smiledthinkingaboutthat.

IpulledupinfrontofEvie’sapartmentbuilding,andputmytruckintopark.Iwas
nervous,andIhadnoideawhy.Mypalmsweresweating,whichneverhappened,not
evenwhenIwasinastickysituation.Shakingthenerves,Ilockedmydoorsuponexiting,
andmademywaytothelobby.Herapartmentwasonthesecondfloor,andItookthe
stairsup.WhenIfinallyreachedherdoor,Igaveitafewstrongknocks,andwaited.

Whenshedidn’tanswer,Itriedagain,alittlelouderthistime.Andwhenshestilldidn’t
answer,Ibangedonthedoorwithenoughforcetoscaretheneighbor.Themanpokedhis
headoutfromhisdoorglaringatme.“Youtryintowakethewholedamnneighborhood
son!”Heyelledout.

“I’msorry.”Isaid,withanapologeticsmile.“I’mjustworriedaboutmyfriend.Her
name’sEvangelinePerez,doyouknowher?”

“Yea.Prettygirl.Keepstoherself.Shemovedoutaweekorsoago.”Hesaid.

“Movedout?”Iasked,tonooneinparticular.“Didsheleaveaforwardingaddress?”

“WhatdoIlooklikethedamnlandlord?!”Heasked,hisangerrising.“AllIknow,isshe
andsomegoodlookinboyloadedupauhaul,andtookoff.”

“DoyouknowwhereIcanfindthelandlord?”Iasked,stillclingingtosomekindofhope.

“He’sonvacationtilTuesday.Icangiveyouthenumberifyouwant.”

“Yea.Thanks.”Isaid,feelingthatlastbitofhopedwindlingaway.Whywouldshejustup,
andmovewithoutsomuchasatextmessage?ItookthescrapofpaperEvie’sold

neighborhadgivenme,andtuckeditintomypocket.WhenIgotbackinsidemycar,I
dialedthenumber.Itwenttostraighttovoicemail,soIleftamessage.Feelingdefeated,I
drovehometofindZoe.

Shewassittingatthekitchentable,doingsomeprepworkforhernewclassroom.Itwas
herfirstyearteaching,andshewasdeterminedtodoagreatjob.“HeyZo.”Isaid,tossing
mybagonthefloor.Herresponsewasawidesmile,followedbyahug.“Youlookgood.”
Shesaid.“Onthemend.DidyoutalktoEvie?”

“She’sgone.”Isaidwithwonder.

“Whatdoyoumeangone?”

“Idon’tknow.Herneighborsaidshemovedoutaboutaweekagowithsomegood
lookingguy.Hiswordsnotmine.It’sjustnotlikehertoleavewithoutsayinganythingto
anyone.ImeanIknowshedidn’thaveanyfamily,butshehadme,shehadus.Areyou
sureshedidn’tmentionanythingtoyou?”Iasked,graspingatstraws.

“Jake.IfEviehadreachedout,Iwouldn’tkeepitfromyou.Iknowhowcloseyoutwo
are.”

“Yea.IguessIalreadyknewthat.I’msorryZoe.”

“Youknoweveryone.I’msurethere’ssomeonewhocantrackherdown?”

“MaybeshemetsomeoneZo.AllIeverwantedwasforhertobehappy,andwemade
peacewiththefactthatwejustweren’tmeanttobetogether.Thereweretoomanyoutside
forces.Shedeservestobehappy.”

“YoumadeherhappyJake.Shetoldmethat.”

“Yeahwell,itwasn’tenough,andmetrackingherdownlikesomekindofpsychostalker,
isn’tgoingtobringherhome.”

“I’llreachout.Emailher?Atleastthenwe’llknowshe’ssafe.Alright?”

“Yeah,thanksZo.”Isaid,grabbingmybag,andclimbingupthestairstomybedroom.I
lockedthedoorbehindme,andpulledmysafeoutfromundermybed.Therewasn’t
muchinit,afewofmymother’sfavoriteknick-knacks,mybirthcertificate,cartitles,the
usual.Except,italsoheldaring.

ThenightthatEvieandItalkedaboutwhatourrelationshipmeant,andIaskedifshe
wantedacommitment,IalreadyknewthatIwantedone.Mymotherleftmeherwedding
ring,andIknewwithoutashadowofdoubtthatonedayitwouldbelongtoEvie.Iwanted
toexperiencearmylife,toseewhatit,andtheworldhadtooffer.Ineverimaginedfalling
formybestfriend.IalsoneverimaginedthatI’dbewillingtowalkawayfromthearmy
forher,butthatwasexactlywhatIwasplanningtodo.

Iwantedtofinishoutmytime,andwhenitwastimetoreup,Iwasgoingtowalk.Ididn’t
tellanyone,notWes,notZoe,andespeciallynotEvie.Ididn’twanthertofeelpressured.
Ifshesaidno,Ididn’twantherfeelinglikeshe’dforcedmeoutofmycareer.IthoughtI
hadtime.IwantedhertofinishherMD,andgiveustimetogrow,todowhatweloved,so
thatwhenweweredone,wecouldstartournewlivestogether.

MaybeIwasdelusionaltothinkthatshemightwantthesamethings.Or,maybeIwasjust

adumbasswhoshouldhaveadmittedhisfeelingssooner.Itwasclearthatshe’dmoved
on,andallIcoulddonowwasbehappyforher.Ispuntheringaroundinmyhand,
watchingitsparkleinthelight,andIthoughtwhatthefuckdidyoudoCruz?

Slammingthesafeshut,Ishoveditundermybedviolently.Thesoundofithittingthe
drywall,momentarilysatisfyingmyanger.Itfeltgood,soIstartedgrabbingthingsoffmy
dresser,andchuckingthematthesamewall.Everycrash,feltlikeakickinthechest,butI
couldn’tstop.Ipulledthedrawersout,clothingstrewnonthefloorallaroundme.Next
camethedresseritself,crashingdownontothewoodenfloor.

IheardZoe’svoicethen,callingmyname,asshebangedonthedoor.Iignoredher,
makingmywaytowardsthecloset.Ipulledthedooropen,andbeganrippingclothesfrom
theirhangers,steppingoverthemessuntilIwasdeepinsidethewalkin.Itwasthere,
coveredwithadarksheet,thatIfoundmyparentsweddingpicture.Idroppeddowntomy
knees,andcried.Icriedformyparents,andIcriedforEvie.ItwassomethingIhadnever
letmyselfdo,andtherewassomethingaboutitthatwas..freeing.

Theclickofmybedroomdoor,mademyheadsnapup,andwhenZoeclimbedoverthe
debristhatwasoncemyroom,Iwinced.Ihadn’tmeanttodestroyeverything,butitwas
fittinginaway.Myroomlooked,howIfelt,andforthatreasonalone,Istartedtolaugh.

“Jake?”Zoeasked,warily.“Idon’tseehowanyofthisisfunny.”

“Itisn’t.”Isaid,onablissfulsigh.“It’sjustincrediblyironic.”

“Howso?”

“Ibroughtthisallonmyself.IfIwereWes,thiswouldn’thavehappened.I’dbewitha
differentgirleveryweekend,andneverhavetoworryaboutheartbreak.Idon’tknowthe
firstthingabouthaving,andkeepingarealationship.SowhydidItry?”

“You’rerightaboutonethingJake.Youdidbringthisallonyourself,butitisn’tbecause
youtried.It’sbecauseyoudidn’t.”

Chapter19Now

IofferedtopickEvie,andGabrielupfordinner,butafterIkissedher,thingshavekindof
revertedbacktobeingawkwardagain.Iknewitwastoosoon,andIknewitwasabad
idea,butholdingherfaceinmyhands,lookingintohereyes,itwaslikethefeelingshad
neverleft.Shewasstillmybestfriend.Thegirlwhocametomecrying,andletmewipe
awayhertears.Thegirlwhounbeknownsttoher,hadalwaysheldmyheart.

Andnow,wewereabouttositdownfordinnerwiththeonlyotherpeoplewhoknewthe
wholetruth.Wes,andZoe,knewexactlywhatEviemeanttome,rightdowntomy
wantingtoleavethearmytostartalifewithher.Ihadmyreasonsfornottellingherthen,
andIhadevenmorereasonnottotellhernow.Ididn’twantherthinkingitwassomekind
ofploytomakeherstay.I’dalreadyaskedheronce,andIdidn’twanthertofeel
manipulated.

Myplanwastogetthereearlytogivemysister,andWes,aheadsup.Alittlelistofthings
nottosay,ifyouwill,butthatplanquicklybackfired.Evie’scarwasalreadyparkedin
thedriveway,anditwasempty.Whoknowshowlongshe,andGabrielhavealreadybeen
inside.IonlyhopedmysisterwouldbedistractedbyGabrielenough,nottodiveinto
mine,andEvie’srelationship.

Zoemeantwell,butsometimes,thingswerejustbetterleftalone,andunsaid.Butif
you’vemetmysister,you’dknowkeepingthingsunsaidwasn’texactlyherforte.Itwas
oneofthereasonssheandIclashedsomuch,butitwasalsothereasonthatWes,theking
ofhookingup,andforgettingnames,wasabletofallforher.Theybalancedeachother
out,muchlikeEvieandIusedto.IonlyhopedthatIcouldbaskintheirposthoneymoon
bliss,insteadofbeingenviousofif.

Takingadeepbreath,Iknockedonthedoor,beforelettingmyselfinside.“Hello!”Icalled
out,notseeinganyoneinthelivingroom.

“We’reinthekitchen!”Zoecalledback.

Iplasteredonasmile,asIroundedthecorner.SeeingZoe,andEvieworkingtogetherin
thekitchen,whileGabrielranaroundbetweenthemwithhiscarskeptitthere.Ididn’t
needtofakemyhappiness,totryandpushthroughthisseeminglyawkwarddinner.Just
seeingmysonmademerealizeeverythingwasgoingtobealright,nomattertheoutcome.

“HowwasHawaii?”Iasked,pullingmysisterintomyarmsforhug.

“Wonderful!”Shegushed,pullingaway.“Andyou?You’reafather!Whataboutthat?”

“He’sperfectisn’the.”Isaid,myeyesbeginningtowater.

“OhJake.”Zoecrooned,pullingmebackforanotherhug.“Fatherhoodlooksgoodon
you.”

Ilaughed,brushingheroff,andcatchingEvie’seyeasIdidso.Inoticedthetearsinher
eyesaswell,butshequicklyswipedthemawaybeforeanyonenoticed.Theawkward
feelingthatIfearedfromEviewasevident,soinsteadofapproachingher,Isquatted
down,openingmyarmstoGabriel.Herantomeinstantly,givingmeatightsqueeze.
“Heybuddy,youwannagooutsideandcheckonUncleWes?”Iasked.Whenhe

respondedwithanenthusiasticnod,Iscoopedhimup,silentlycheckingforEvie’s
approvalbeforetakinghimoutthebackdoor.

“Heybrother!”Wessaidingreeting,beforepassingmeabeer.“Andlittlebrother.”He
teased,rufflingmyboy’shead.

IsetGabrieldown,andhewentstraightfortheswingafewfeetawayfromthegrill.
“Swingdaddy!”Hecalledout,soIfollowedhimover,sittingdownbesidehim,and
crackingopenmybeer.UsingmyfeetIrockedusslowly,andGabrielsquealedwith
delight.

“How’sitfeeltobehome?”Iasked.

“IknowZoelovedHawaii,butbrother,itfeelsdamngoodtobehome.Mybedneverfelt
sodamngood.Whataboutyou?Zoesaidyouwereputtingthehouseonthemarket?”

“Idon’tknow.SinceIfoundoutaboutGabrielhere,Ijust,myheadhasn’tbeenonthe
job.”

“That’sbecauseyouhavesomethingelsetolivefor.Somethingelsetodriveyou.”

“Whensheleft,Ipouredeverythingintomycareer.Igotpromotedfasterthananyone,I
tookthejobsthatnoonewanted,Ipurposelyriskedmylife,lookingforthatdrive.And
now..whenIthinkaboutdeployingonsomespecialopinthemiddleofnowhere,it
terrifiesme.Me.”Ilaughed.“Whatdoesthatmakeme?”

“Afather.”Hesaidsimply,asheopenedthegrilltofliptheburgers.“Thearmywasyour
lifeJake.Nowit’shim.”

“Youmakeitsoundsosimple.”

“Isn’tit?”

“ThingswithEvie,andI,theyaren’tthatsimple.YouknowI’mterriblewhenitcomesto
sayingtherightthings.Ifuckedthingsup.Again.”

“Thekiss?”

“ShetoldZoe!?”Iasked,semishocked.“Wait,didZoetellyouanything?”

“Whatareweacoupleofgossipingschoolgirls?ComeonJake.Whatdoyouthink?”

“Heyboys,we’rereadyonourend,where’stheburgers!?”Zoeasked,poppingherhead
outtheslidingdoor.

“Woman,I’llbringtheburgersinwhenI’mready.”Wessaid,playfullyshakingthe
spatulaather.

“Woman?”Sheshotback,steppingoutside,andcrossingherarmsoverherchest.

Westookthreepurposefulstepstowardsher,backingherupagainstthedoor,stillholding
thespatulainhishand.“Woman.”Hewhispered,hisbreathagainstherear.“Don’tmake
mespankyouinfrontofyourbrother.”Shegiggled,openingtheslidingdoor,andslipping
awaybeforehecouldmakegoodonhispromise,andItriednottocringe.“Readytoeat
boys?”Heasked,quicklyturningtofaceus,andplatetheburgers.

Irolledmyeyes,pickingmyboyup,andheadinginsidetogethimcleanedupfordinner.

Afterwashinghishands,IhelpedhimintohisboosterseatEviebrought,andsatdown
besidehim.Gabrielwasontheend,andZoetomyright.Eviewasdirectlyacrossfrom
me,andWesfromZoe.Gabrielwasthefirsttodigin,announcingthathisfoodwas
yummy.Wealllaughed,ashebroughthiscuptohislips,washingdownhisbite.Itwasan
amazingfeeling,havingdinnerwithmyfamily.Butitalsohurt,knowingthatEviewasn’t
apartofit.

WhatexactlydidshetellZoeanyway?Didshestillhavefeelingsforme,orwasthekiss
justareactiontooldfeelings?Wassheangrywithmeforcrossingthatlineagain?Before
Icouldcontemplateanyfurther,Zoeclearedherthroat.

“Jake,IwantyoutoknowthatIinvitedEviehereearly.Ihadafewchoicewordsforher,
andtheyweren’tpretty.Don’tworry,WestookGabrieloutbackwithRocko.Iunderstand
whyshedidthingsthewaythatshedid,butwhatIdon’tunderstand,isafterallthese
yearswhyyoutwocouldn’tworkthingsout.”

“Zoe-”Iwarned,butsheheldherhanduptointerruptme.

“Thetwoofyouhavebeenfightingtheinevitableforthebetterpartoftenyears.”

“Zoe,please.”Ibegged,butshewouldn’tbestopped.

“Evie,allyoueverwantedwasforJaketoloveyoumorethanthearmy.Andhedid!He
wasreadytowalkaway,andstartalifewithyou,andyoujust..disappeared.Idon’tcare
ifitisn’tmybusiness.Ineedtoknowwhy?Whatchanged?”

Eviestoodthen,hereyeslockedonmine.“Jake?”Sheasked,herbreathshaky.“Whatis
shetalkingabout?”

Zoe’seyeswidenedinshock.“Youmean..younevertoldher?”

Chapter20Then

Igaveup.Itriedcallingthepolice,buttheysaidtherewasnothingtheycoulddo.If
someonedidn’twanttobefound,theydidn’twanttobefound.Ithoughtabouthiringa
privateinvestigator,butWesquicklyputthenixinthatplan,pointingoutthatsheleftthe
waythatshedidforareason.Soinsteadoftrashingmyapartmentonbase,likeIhadmy
bedroomathome,Idecidedtothrowmyselfintowork.

WesandItookwhateverjobswerethrownatus,eventheonesthatwerelessthan
desirable.Thetwoofuswerelikeawreckingcrew.Neitherofushadasignificantotherto
comehometo,andwebothlovedthethrill.OurGeneralusedthatknowledgetohis
advantagesendingusintoallkindsofshitstorms.Afteracoupleofmonths,itgoteasier.I
wasnolongerinconstantpain,physically,oremotionally,andIhadtoadmit,itfeltgood.

Wewerebothfinishingupourfirsttermenlistments,andwhileIdecidedtostayandmove
ontotheIRR(IndividualReadyReserve),Wes’decisionwasdifferent.Hewantedtofind
ahouse,startacareer,andmakeanameforhimselfsomewhere.Ienviedhimforthat,
becauseallIhadwasthearmy.Zoedidn’tneedmeanymore,buttheydid.Inthreemore
months,we’dbothbegoinghome,soIinvitedhimtostaywithme.

ItwasaspurofthemomentdecisionthatIdidn’tbothertorunbyZoe.Iknewshe
wouldn’tmind,anditwasonlyforafewweeksatthemost.Thetruthis,we’dbedoing
eachotherfavors.Heneededaplacetostay,andIhadsomeoneItrustedtokeeponeye
onherwhileIwasaway.Hewasn’tsomeonetotakehandouts,soconvincinghimwasn’t
aneasytask,butintheenditbecameamutualdecision.

Ofcourse,cuttinghisstringsfromthearmywouldn’tbethatsimple.Wehadonemore
missiontowrapupbeforeheadinghome,anditwasonethatneitherofuswerelooking
forwardtoo.Generaldickhead’sdecisiontosendmymenaftertheISISthreatmonths
ago,hadcomebacktobitehimintheass.Wes,andI,werenowchargedwithrescuing
Mendez,andButler.Andbecausenooneelseknewwhathehaddone,wehadabsolutely
nosupport.

Itwasn’tourfirsttimeflyingsolo,andIsureashellknewitwouldn’tbeourlast,wellnot
mineanyway.Wehadbeenpreppingfortherescueforweeks,butsomethingstillwasn’t
sittingrightwithme.Ithadbeenmonthswithnowordfromeitherman,andthen
suddenly,outofnowhere,oneofthemmanagesto“find”aradio.Ibroughtmyconcerns
uptoGeneralWyatt,buthedidn’tseemtheleastbitinterested.Wes,ontheotherhand,
sharedmyconcerns,soweweremeetinguptodaytostrategize,justincaseshitgothairy.

Iknockedonhisdoor,withthreeloudraps,ourusualsequence,andheansweredright
away.Icouldsmellthecharcoalonhimfromthebarbequegrill,andmystomach
grumbledloudly.Weslaughed,motioningmeinside,andIfollowedhimthroughhis
apartment,andoutthebackdoor.Thegrillwasloadedwithchickendrumsticks,andthe
patiotablewascoveredinfilefolders.

Itookaseatatthetable,andopenedoneofthemupcheckingoutit’scontents.“Where
didyougetfilesonMendez,andButler?”Iasked.

“GeneralWyatt.He’ssurprisinglyaccomodatingwhenhe’stryingtocoverhisownass.”

Ilaughed,acceptingthebeerthatheofferedme,andpoppingitopen.“Whyaretheyeven
alive?”Iaskedaloud,butnotexpectingananswer.“Threemonths,andnotonedamn
word.Wherehavetheybeen?WhodidtheGeneralreallysendthemafter?”

“Allgoodquestionsbrother.Butwedon’tgetpaidtoknowtheanswers.Wegetpaidto
getshotatsoassholesliketheGeneraldon’thaveto.”

“I’lldrinktothat.”Isaid,takingalongpullfrommybottle.“Whenyou’redoneplaying
withyourdrumsticks,sitdownsowecanfigurethisshitout.”

“Fuckyou.”Hesaid,turningthegrilloff,andtakingtheseatacrossfromme.

Wespentthenexttwohourspouringoverbothmensfiles,aswellasschematicsforthe
buildingtheywerebeing“held”in.Eventhoughweknewthemissionwasbogus,it
wasn’tlikewecouldjustdeclineit.Wewereinuptoournecks,andwithoneword
Generaldickheadcouldhaveusbothslappedwithadishonorabledischarge.WithWes
beingsoclosetotheend,Icouldn’tletthathappentohim.Soevenwithourreservations,
wewereallin.

IleftWes’housethatnightfullofchicken,beer,andalittlefear.Fearwasgoodthough,it
fedtheadrenaline,andIknewI’dbeneedingawholehellofalotofthattomorrow
morning.Forthefirsttimeinmonths,Iactuallysleptpeacefully.Missionsdidthatforme.
Whereothermenstayedupallnight,lettingthefeareatatthem,Ifounditcalming.Ilived
forthedanger,themomentswhenyourheartwouldbeatsofast,youthoughtitmight
comeoutofyourchest.ThosewerethemomentsthatIcouldn’tlivewithout,andmymain
reasonforstickingaroundforfourmoreyears.

WesandIboardedtheplaneat0500thenextmorning.Becauseofthelocationofour
brotherswehadtoparachutein,andmeettenmilesfromthedroppointbeforewecould
beextracted.Ifeverythingwentwell,we’dbeonaplanebynightfall.Welandedsafely,
andbegantheslowtrektothebuildingwherethemenwere.Wehadthecoverofnighton
oursides,sosneakingaroundtheperimeterturnedouttobeprettysimple.

Therewereonlytwoentrances,andourinteltoldusthattherewerefourmeninside
besidesourguys.Oneguardateachdoor,andtwowiththehostages.Weswentaround
back,whileItookthefront.Whenwereachedourdesignatedposts,wesignaledeach
otheronourtwoways,andsilently,andsimultaneouslytookouttheguards.Ournext
movewastoenterthebuildingthroughourrespectivedoors,andmeetwhereourmen
werebeingheld.

Thebuildingwassmall,butthereweremorehallwaysthanIrememberedseeingonthe
schematics.IradioedWes,butallthatcamebackwasstatic.Theremusthavebeensome
kindofsignaljammerbeingused.Itriedagain,butmyluckwasthesame.Givingupon
radiocontact,Icreptaroundthefirstcorner,myweaponaimedandready.Thefirstthree
roomswereclear,butIcouldhearvoicesbehindthefourth.Ihadtwochoices,waitfor
Wes,orgoin.BeforeEvie,Iwouldhavewaited.Iwouldhaveweighedtherisks,but
now..Ijustdidn’tcareenough.

Ikickedthedooropen,mygundrawn.Iquicklyassessedthesituation,andimmediately
tookoutthetwothreats.Whentheydroppedtothefloor,IracedtountieMendez,turning
backtowardsthedoor,myguntrainedonit’sentrance.IgaveMendeztimetountie

Butler,andonmycuethetwofollowedmeoutoftheroom,andtowardstheback
entrance.IradioedWesagain,butonlygotmorestatic.Isearchedforhimonmywayout,
butsawnosignofhim.Ihadnochoice.IhadtogetMendez,andButlertosafety,and
thenIwouldgoback.

Igavemymenthecoordinatestothepickupsite,anddirectedthemtogo,butofcourse
theydidn’tlisten.Instead,Ihandedthemeachagun,andtheywaited,watchingmysixas
Ire-enteredthebuilding.Ifollowedthesameroute,butstillsawnosignofWessoI
backtracked,headingdowntheoppositehall.Theonethatwasn’tontheschematics.
Therewereonlytwodoorsdownthishall,andtheywerebothshut.Istopped,and
listened,atthefirstbutheardnothing.Igavetheknobaslowturn,andpressedthedoor
openquietly.

Ifoundthreewomenasleeponasmallcot,allhuddledtogether,barelyclothed.They
lookedtobeAmerican,buttheyweredirty,anditwashardtotell.Ishutthedoorbehind
me,andmademywaytowardsthem.Iplacedmyhandoverthefirstwoman’smouth,as
shebegantostir.“I’mnotgoingtohurtyou.”Iwhispered.“I’maUSsoldier.Areyou
beingheldhere?”Shenoddedrapidly,causingtheother’stowake.Iremovedmyhand
fromhermouth,andheldmyfingertomylips,silencingallthree,justasthedoorswung
open.

Iaimedmygun,andgotofftwoshotsbeforethewomenbegantoscramblebehindmein
fear.Mygunjammed,asIwasabouttofireoffathird,butmoregunshotsrangoutfrom
behindtheassailants,andItriedmybesttokeepthewomensafelybehindme.Ifeltthe
familiarstingofabulletbrushpastmyshoulder,andcursedoutloud,finallygettingmy
guntowork,andfiringbackafewshotsofmyown.Itwasafterthelastmanfelltothe
groundthatIheardWes’voicesaytheallclear,andIwasfloodedwithinstantrelief.

“AlwayslayingdownonthejobaySergeant?”Wesasked,withashiteatinggrin.

“FuckyouGranger.”Ispatback,beforelettinghimhelpmetomyfeet.“Everyone
alright?”Iasked,turningtofacethewomen.Theyallseemedtobeinonepiece,so
togetherWesandIhelpedthemoutside,andmadeourwaybacktoMendez,andButler.
Whenourlittlegroupwassafe,weradioedahead,andlettheGeneralknowwewereon
ourwaytothepickuppoint.Thesevenofuswalkedinsilenceforquitesometime.Wes,
andIinfront,followedbythewomen,andMendez,andButlertakinguptherear.After
aboutfortyfiveminutes,Wesfinallybrokethesilence.

“Whatthehellhappenedbackthere?”Heasked,hisquestiondirectedsolelyatme.“Last
timeIchecked,thiswasn’taroguemission.”

“Ididn’thavetimetowait.Iheardvoicescomingfrominsidetheroom,wewereboth
headingtothesamelocation,justcameindifferentdoors.”

“Howlongdidyouwait?”Hepressed.

“Idon’tknowaminute,maybetwo,theradiosweredown.”

“Youcould’vegottenusallkilledJake.”Hesaid,withanger.“Whatthehellhasgotten
intoyou?”

“NothereWes.”Iwarned,myownangerthreateningtoboilover.

“Thenwhen?WhenwegobacktoSanFranscisco?WhenIhavetotellyoursisteryou
doveheadfirstintoahostilesituationwithnobackupoverafuckinggirl!”

“ShutthefuckupWes!”Iyelled,givinghimahardshove,andofcourseheshovedback.
Therewewereinthemiddleoffuckingnowhere,andwewerethrowingdownlikeapair
offuckingteenagers.Mendez,andButlerquicklybrokeusup,andthewomeninour
chargestartedcrying,stillfearfulfromtheirexperiences.

“Youtwodone?”Mendezasked,holdingmyhandsbehindmyback.“Withalldorespect
Seargeant,IwanttogetthefuckbackonUSsoil,andI’dappreciateitifyousavedyour
littlelover’sspatuntilwedoso.”

“FuckyouMendez!”Wes,andIrepliedatthesametime,beforeshakingfreefromour
captors,andfinishingtherestofourwalkinsilence.Weswasright,Ifuckedup.Imay
havegivenuplookingforEvie,butIsureashellwasn’tforgettingheranytimesoon.It’s
hardtowaitforsomethingyouknowmightneverhappen,butit’sevenhardertogiveup
whenyouknowit’severythingyouwant.

Chapter21Now

AfterZoe’sspoutofwordvomitlastnight,Iwasn’tsurethatEviewouldwanttoseeme,
buttomysurprisesheagreedtomeetmeatmyparent’shouse.Thelookonherfacewhen
sheheardIwasreadytoleavethearmyfeltlikeapunchinthegut.Icouldseethehope,
andhurtinhereyesallatthesametime.Andthentheshame.Icouldfeelitcomingoffof
herinwaves.Themorethatmyfeelingsbegantosurface,themoreshebegantorealize
howwrongshehadbeenaboutus.Aboutme.

Eventhoughshehurtme,Iowedheranapologyaswell.Ishouldhavebeenhonest.I
nevershouldhaveletherthinkthatIdidn’tlovehermorethanthearmy.Ithoughtitwas
whatsheneededtohear,whatshewantedtohear,sothatshecouldmoveon,andbe
happy.Webothfoughtsohardtodowhatwethoughttheotherneeded,thatweforgotto
evenask.Weleteachothergo,becausewethoughttheotherdeservedmore,andinthe
end,webothendedupalone.

Isatonthefrontporch,mullingoverwhatIwasgoingtosay,whenIwatchedhercarpull
intothedriveway.Itookadeepbreath,andstood,assheexited,andmadeherway
towardsme.“Where’sGabriel?”Iasked,asawaytobreaktheice.

“Antonio’swatchinghim.Ithoughtwecouldusethetimealone.”Shesaid,lookingdown
atherfeet.

“Pleasedon’tdothat.”Isaidsoftly,usingmyfingertoliftherchin.“I’mnotoneofyour
fosterfathers,I’mnotgoingtohurtyouforhavinganopinon.

“Iknow.”Shesmiled,lookingintomyeyes.“IguessI’mjustnervous.It’ssillyisn’tit.
You’reprobablythepersonwhoknowsmebestinthisworld,andmystomachisliterally
doingcartwheels.”

“Itisn’tsilly.Ifeelthesame.”Irepliedwithashakylaugh.“Youwanttocomeinside?”

“I’dlikethat.”

Iopenedthedoorforher,allowinghertoenterfirst.Itbroughtbackmemoriesfrom
before,whenshe’dcomeoverforlunch,ordinner.Thishousewaswherewespentallof
ourtimeasteens,especiallyaftermyparentsdied.Itseemedsurrealtobesellingitnow.
“Iseentheforsalesignoutfront.”Eviesaid,asifshewerereadingmymind.

“Yea,therealtorcamebyyesterday.It’sstartingtofeelrealnowIguess.”

“Wespentalotoftimeinthishouse.”Shesmiledfondly.

“Evie,Idon’tevenknowwheretostart.IfeellikeIhavefuckedupalotofthingsinmy
life,butlettingyouwalkaway,feelslikethebiggest.”

“Let’ssitdown.”Shesaid,lettingoutabreath,andtakingaseatonthecouch.

Ifollowedherlead,sittingdownontheoppositeend.Wantingtogiveherspace,but
needingtobenearher.“TheweekendIcamehometofindyou.Iwasgoingtotellyou
everything.”Istarted.“Yourphonewasoff,yourapartmentwasempty,andIlostit.I
camehere,tothishouse,upstairs,andIdestroyedit.Thatlastnightthatweweretogether,
shouldn’thavebeenourlast.IshouldhavetoldyouthenhowIwasfeeling,andwhatmy

planswere.”Isighed,runningmyhandthroughmyhair.

“Ididn’treallygiveyouachoice.Itoldyouhowthingsweregoingtobe,andthenwhenI
foundoutIwaspregnantIfreaked.Iran.IthoughtIwasdoingtherightthingfor
everyoneinvolved.IknownowthatIdidn’t,butitdoesn’tchangethefactthatweboth
mademistakesJake.Webothhandledthingsbadly,immaturly.Maybeweweren’tready?”

“Iwasgoingtoproposetoyou.”Isaidstanding,andpacingthefloor.“Icamehomethat
weekend,togetmymother’sringfrommysafe.Ijust..Ijustwantedtogiveustimeyou
know?Iwantedyoutofinishmedschool,andmylastfewmonthsoffirstterm
enlistment.”

Eviestoodthen,comingtowardsme.“Youweregoingto..purpose?”Shestammered
softly.“Jake,ohmyGod!Idon’tevenknowwhattosaytothat.Ithoughtwewereonthe
samepage.Ithoughtthearmywaseverything.IfIhadknownforjustonesecond,justone.
God,thatisn’tsomethingyoujustkeeptoyourselfJake!”Shesaidwithexasperation.

“Neitheristhefactthatyouwerepregnantwithmyson!”Isaid,myownangergettingthe
bestofme.

“No.Don’t!Don’tbringGabrielintothis.IknowIfuckedup,ok?!Ifuckedup,andsodid
you,andherewearenowinthisfuckedupsituation!Wehavenoonetoblamebut
ourselves!WeliedtoeachothertomakeeachotherhappyJake,whodoesthat?!”She
yelled,hervoiceontheedgeofhysterics.

Itookthreepurposefulstepstowardher,andgrabbedherhandswithmine.“Doyoustill
loveme?”Iasked.Icouldtellthequestiontookheroffguard,butIhadtoknow.Ihadto
knowifwehadsomethingworthfightingfor,andthistimeIwasn’tgoingtostayquiet.

“Idon’tevenknowyouanymoreJake.”Shesaid,asatearslippeddownhercheek.“I
thoughtIdid.IthoughtIunderstoodyou,thewayyouworked,butIjust,Idon’tknow
anymore.”

“WellIdo.Iknow.IknowthatIhavelovedyousinceIwasseventeenyearsold.Iknow
thatIwasreadytowalkawayfrommycareertospendeverysingleimportantmomentin
lifewithyou.Ihavebeensleepingwithyourghostforthepasttwoyears,andIdon’twant
tosleepwithitanymore.Iwantyou.Inmyhouse,inmybed,inmyheart,inmylife
Evie.”Isaidwithconviction.“Iwouldmarryyoutodayifyou’dletme.Ididn’ttellyou
thetruthbackthen,butI’mtellingyounow,andwhateveryouwanttodowiththat,I’ll
respectit.”

Shejuststoodthere,stunned,herhandsstillinmine.Iwasholdingmybreathwaitingfor
somekindofanswer,anyindicationthatIwasn’tcompletelyinsane.Instead,shetookher
handsfrommineandtookasteptowardsme,placingthemonmychest.Myeyeslocked
onhers,andIcouldseetheanticipationthere.Reachingup,Ibrushedhercheekwiththe
palmofmyhand,andsheclosedhereyes.Icouldn’twaitanylonger,Ihadtofeelherlips
onmine,soIkissedher.Myhandscuppingherface,andhernailsdiggingintomychest.

Thesexualtensionintheairwassothickyoucould’vecutitwithaknife,andwithin
seconds,Iwasscoopingherupintomyarmsandheadingforthestairs.Shelaughed,
whenIbumpedusintothewall,andnearlystumbledupthelasttwostairs,butwhenwe
reachedthebedroom,itallfellaway.Isethertoherfeet,andsheslowlyliftedhershirt

overherhead.Icouldn’tstopwatchingher,assheletherjeansfallnext,leavingheronly
inawhitelacybraandpanties.

Ilickedmylips,beforelosingmyownclothing,andpullingherintomyarms.Itwasasif
ourbodieshadneverbeenapart.Hereverycurvefittingperfectlyagainstme.Hersoft
skinlikeadrugthatIcouldn’tgetenoughof.Myhandswerealloverher,needingtofeel
everyinch.Whenmyhandscoveredherass,Iliftedher,allowinghertowrapherlegs
aroundmywaist.Myerectionbrushedagainstherneedycore,andshemoanedintomy
mouth.Thatsoundwasmyundoing,andinfoursteps,Ihadherlaidoutbeneathmeon
thebed.

Imovedmykiss,fromherlipstoherjaw,andthenherneck,kissingmywaydowntoher
stomach,onlystoppingtoslipherpantiesoff.WhenIcrawledbackupherbody,she
reachedformywaistband,andIlostmyboxers.Iplannedontakingmytime,butithad
beensolongsinceIfeltthewomanIlovedinmyarms,andIcouldn’twaitanylonger.I
gotuponmyknees,pullingherintoasittingpositionjustlongenoughtounclaspherbra,
andgiveitafling.Shelaughedwrappingherarmsaroundmyneck,pullingmebackdown
ontopofher,cradlingmebetweenherlegsaswewent.

Inonefluidmotion,Iwasslippinginsideofher,andourlipswerebackwherethey
belonged.Oneachother.Icouldfeelhernailsonmyback,asIgroundagainsther.Her
moans,andwhimpersdrivingme,makingmehungrywithpassion.Shewhisperedmy
name,andIthoughtIwasgoingtolosemydamnmind.IthadbeensolongsinceI’dfelt
herbodywrithingbeneathmine,andnowthatIhadherhereagainitfeltlikeheaven.

Hermoansbecamelouder,andherfingersdugdeeperintomyflesh,encouragingme.I
groundmyhipsfaster,deeper,asIbegantofeelherwallstighteningaroundme.The
clench,andunclenchofhercoredrivingmetothepointofnearexplosion.Herlegs
tightenedaroundmywaist,andwithinsecondsIfeltherclimaxallaroundme.Finally
abletoletgo,Icamewithher,theactionmakinghermoanslouder.Ithadbeensolong
sincesomethinghadfeltsoright,socomplete,thatIfoundmyselfnotwantingtomove.I
didthough,move,butwhenIdid,Itookherwithme.Herback,tomyfront,thescentof
herhairenvelopingme.

“Thebestme,hashisarmsaroundyouHermosa.”Iwhisperedinherear,beforekissing
herthere.“AndI’mnotlettingyougoagain.”

“Whataboutthearmy?Whatabouttheclinic,andmypractice?What-”

Iturnedherinmyarmsthen,effectivelyinterruptingher.“Noneofthatmattersnow.This.
Us.Gabriel.That’swhatmatters.Therestwillfallintoplace.Doyoubelieveme?”

“IthinkIdo.”Shesmiled,reachinguptorunherhandthroughmyhair.“Imissedthis.”
Sheteased,givingitalittletug.

Igaveheramischievoussmile,raisingmyeyebrows,beforedisappearingbeneaththe
sheets.

“Whatareyoudoing?!”Shesquealedwithlaughter,asIusedmyhandstoopenherlegs.

“Yousaidyoumissedyourhandsinmyhair.I’mjustgivingyoureasontohavethem
there.”Isaid,beforedippingmyheaddownintohersweetness.

Chapter22Then

Ifuckedup,andsomehowWesforgaveme,andGeneralWyattstilllethimleave.Itook
theblame,andgotstuckwiththescutworkforthepastfewmonths,butitwasworthit.
Wes,andIwereheadinghometoday.Himforgood,andmeforafewdays.Wesatsideby
sideontheairplanetalkingaboutnothinginparticular,whentheattendantmadeher
announcementthatwe’dbelandingsoon.Iwatchedaseveryonecheckedtheirseatbelts,
andwaited.Ihadn’tbeenhomesincemytempertantrum,andIhopedthatZoewouldn’t
mentionittoWes.Wewerebrothersinarms,andheknewIwasmessedupoverEvie,but
hedidn’tneedtoknowhowmuch.

Iclosedmyeyesastheplanedescended,andsmiledtomyselfknowingthatWeswas
probablypissinghispants.Hehatedtakingoff,andlanding,onethinghewould’ntbe
missingonthegroundinSanFranscisco.WhenwegotofftheplaneandintotheairportI
couldseethereliefonhisface.Iontheotherhand,alreadyfeltlost.Hesaidsomething
aboutfindingourbags,andIwenttofindmysister.Zoewaspickingusup,muchtoher
dismayImightadd.Shehadherfirstsummerofffromhernewjob,andpickingupher
bigbrotherwasn’thighonherlistofpriorities.Still,Iknewshe’dcomejustthesame.

Ifoundhereasilyenough,rufflingthetopofherhead,knowingItwouldannoyher.Ithad
beenafewyearssinceWeshadseenZoe,andforasecondIthoughthewascheckingher
out.Ofcourseshewaswearingaridiculouslyshortdress,butwhensherolledhereyesat
hisattemptsIwassatisfied.Forthemoment.Wefollowedherouttohercar,andonce
againIcaughtmybestfriend’seyesonmybabysister.Itdidn’thelpthatshedrovea1969
stickshift,Chevelle,IcouldalmostseeWesdrooling,whenheaskedtositupfront.

Iletitslide,mostlybecauseIcouldkeepabettereyeonhim.Whenwearrivedatmy
houseahalfhourlater,ZoewentinsidefirstleavingWesandIinthegarage.Itossedhim
hisbag,hittinghimsquareinthechest.“She’sofflimits.Understand?”Isaid.

“Iknow.”Hesaidputtinghishandsupinmocksurrender.“I’llbeherefortwoweeks
tops,andthenI’moutofhere.Youwon’tevenknowI’maround.”

“Yea,let’skeepitthatway.”Isaid,openingthedoorthatledintothekitchen,and
allowinghiminside.

Wewerebothtired,soafterIshowedhimhisroom,Iwenttomine.Itwasn’tuntilthe
nextmorningthatwespokeagain,andthistimeitwasoverCoffee.Zoewasswimming,
andIfoundhimleaningagainstthecounter,inthedark,sippinghisbrew.Ijoinedhim,
andthenZoecameinannouncingweweregoingtobreakfast,andthatIwaspaying.Wes
laughed,andIshookmyhead,butwhenshecamedownfromchangingIreiteratedwhat
I’dtoldhimlastnight.Imusthavehitanerve,becausehejumpeddownmythroat.

Wehadonlybeeninthehouseforanight,beforeZoeandIstartedarguing,andabout
Wesnoless.ButbeforeIcouldtryandfixthings,shegrabbedherkeysandheadedforthe
garage.Throwingmyhandsupindefeat,Istompedupstairs,brushingpastWesonmy
maytomyroom.AfewminuteslaterIheardthegaragedooropen,andwhenIfinally
mademywaybackdownstairsIrealizedthathemusthavegonewithher.

IknewIwasbeingchildish,butthishouseseemedtobringthatoutinme.EverywhereI

lookedtherewerememories.Mymomcookingdinner,mydadpouringascotchfromhis
minibar.Evie,andIsittingonthecouchwatchingmovies.Itwasalljusttoomuch.I
thoughtafterroyallyfuckingupmylastmissionIneededtogetaway,butmaybeIhadit
wrong.MaybeInevershouldhavecomebackwithWes.Mymindmadeup,Iplaceda
calltomyGeneral,andtomyreliefhesaidaticketwouldbewaitingformetomorrow
morningattheairport.Iwouldn’tbegoingbacktobase,I’dbebackinthethickofit.

Ineverevenbotheredtounpackmybag,justshoveditundermybed,thankingGodthat
tomorrowmorningI’dbewheelsup,andanywherebuthere.IwroteaquicknotetoZoe,
notwantingtheconfrontation.Itoldhertheyneededme,itwasahalftruth,butonethatI
knewshewouldbelieve.AsforWes,Ihopedhewouldn’tbetheonetoratmeout.The
twoofthemweretheonlypeopleIhadinmylifewhogaveadamnanymore,andyet,I
wasburningbridges.

IusedtowatchthoseromancemovieswithEvie.Theoneswherethemanleavesthe
womaninaheapofamess,andshehastopickherselfupbyherbootstrapsandstartover.
Theyalwaysshowhowempoweringitisforher.Whatiftherollswerereversed?We
aren’twiredthesameaswomen.Wemaymoveonfaster,byjumpingintoabedortwo,
butifI’mbeinghonestwedon’thavetheselfpreservationthattheydo.WhereeverEvie
is,Ibetsheisn’teventhinkingaboutme.Sowhycan’tIforgetabouther?

Ispentthenextcoupleofhoursinmybedroomwatchingmindlesstelevision,sippingon
mydad’slastgoodbottleofscotch.Itwasn’tlikeIhadanythingbettertodo.Itwasn’t
untilIheardthedoor,thatIrealizedWesandZoemustbehome.Ibrushedmyteeth,
shovingthebottlebackundermybed,andheadeddownstairstogreetthem.Theywere
laughing,Zoe’ssmilewide,andbright.IthadbeenalongtimesinceI’dheardherlaugh,
andIsmiled.

“Heybigbrother.”Shesaid.“Gotyasomecocoapuffs.”Sheteased,tossingmethebox.

Wessmirked,rilingmeuponceagain.“Thisisn’tgoingtowork.”Isaid,gesturing
betweenthetwoofthem.

“Shouldyoutellhim,orshouldI?”Zoeasked,reachingforWes’hand.

“Tellmewhat?”Iasked,withanger.

“Weranintoherexatthegrocerystore.”Wessaid,removinghishandfromhers.“I
inadvertantlyagreedtogotoacharitygalawithher.”

“David?”Iasked.“Iwarnedthatasshole.”Isaid,seething.

“Jake.Itwasthegrocerystore!Itisn’tlikehewasstalkingme.”Shetriedtoreasonwith
me.

ImumbledsomethingabouttakingcareofhimasIwentbackupstairs,andIheardher
apologizetoWesforme.SomethingaboutIwasgoingthroughahardtimerightnow,and
thatshe’dtalktome.Iinstantlyfeltlikethebiggestjackassontheplanet.Blowingupat
mysister,stompingofflikeatoddler,Iwasjustbeingashittyperson,anditonly
cementedmydecisiontogoback.

Iheardasoftknockonmydoor,andIknewitwasZoe.“Comein.”Isaid,watchingthe
knobturnslowly.

“What’sgoingonJake?”Sheasked,whenshesatdownonthebedbesideme.“Isthis
reallyaboutWesflirtingwithme,oristhisaboutEvie?”

“Haveyouheardfromher?”Iasked,withmorehopethanI’dintended.

“No.”Shesaidsadly.“SheleftJake.She’sgone,andthatwasreallyshitty,butyoucan’t
putyourlifeonholdbecauseofher.Youhavetwoyearsleft,andthenwhoknowswhere
thearmywilltakeyou.General?Colonel?Thesky’sthelimit.I’mnotsayingthatyou
shouldforgether,butyouneedtoforgiveher.”

“HowcanIdothat?It’snotlikeIcancallher.Sheprobablyhasn’thadasecondthought
aboutleavingmebehind.”

“Youdothat.”Shesaid,turningmyfacesothatIwaslookingdirectlyather.“Byliving
yourlife.Byshowingherthatwhatshedidtoyou,won’tholdyouback.Youmoveon,
justlikeshehas,andyoumakesomethingofyourlife.ImissyouJake.Theoldyou.”

“I’mleavingZo.”Iwhispered,lookingbackdownatmyfeet.“Iwasn’tgoingtotellyou.I
wrotethisnote,andI’mstillleavingitinthemorning.Pleasedon’tsayanythingtoWes,
andI’msorryforjustdroppinghimonyou,butIneedtowork.”

“Iknowaboutwhathappenedonyourlastmission.Pleasedon’tbemadatWes,he’sjust
worriedaboutyou.AndasmuchasIdon’tlikehiswomanizingways,he’sbeenagood
friendtoyou.SoIneedtoknow.Areyougoingbacktoletyourselfgetkilled?Oristhis
whatyouneedtomoveforward?”

“I’vealwayslovedthatyoudon’tsugarcoatthingsZoe.YougetthatfromMom.”I
smiled.“Ipromiseyou,I’mleavingfortherightreasons.Evieaskedmethesamequestion
youknow?SheaskedwhatIwantedfromthearmy.Myanswerbackthen,shouldhave
beennothing.ButIwasacoward,andnow,thearmyistheonlyanswer.I’mdoingthisfor
me.”

“ThenI’llsupportyou.”Shesaid,withouthesitationbeforepullingintoahug.“Butyou
arecookingdinnertonight.I’vebeendyingforyourenchiladas,andIalreadyboughtall
theingredients.

Ilaughed,pullingherupwithmewhenIstood.“Deal.”

Chapter23Now

ItwasmylastdaybeforeIhadtogobacktobase.Neverinmyentiremilitarycareer,didI
thinkIwouldn’twantthat.ThingswithEvieandIwerestillsocomplicated.Weagreed
thatwewouldmakethiswork,thatweowedittoourselves,andtoGabriel,tohavethis
secondchance.Wespenttheentiredayineachother’sarmsyesterday,andthenwepicked
Gabrielup,andspenttherestoftheeveningasafamily.Wewatchedpawpatrol,andate
Spongebobshapedmacaroni,anditwasthebestmealI’devereaten.

IgottoputGabrieltobedlastnight.Ireadhimastory,andtuckedhimin,andthenIsat
andwatchedhimsleep.Icouldhavewatchedhimallnight,andIwouldhave,ifEvie
hadn’tinsistedIcomebacktobed.Ismiledtomyself,thinkingofthememoryasIsnuck
outofbedandtiptoeddownthestairs.Iwasn’tusedtohavinghouseguests,butforthe
firsttimesinceIstartedcominghome,IactuallythoughtImightmissthisplace.

AfterEviefellasleeplastnight,Idugmymother’sringoutfromthesafe,andhidit
downstairs.Iknewfouryearsagothatitbelongedonherfinger,andnothinghadchanged
since.ShewasstilltheonlywomanIeverloved,andImeantwhatIsaidaboutwanting
hertobemywife.Itdidn’tmeanwehadtogetmarriedtomorrow,butIneededherhave
it,towearit,toknowthatIwasn’tgoinganywhere,andthatIwasjustascommittedto
her,asIwastoourson.

She,andGabrielwerestillsoundasleepupstairs,soIslippedcarefullyoutofbed,and
mademywaydownstairs.Ipulledtheringfrommyfather’sliquorcabinet,andplacedit
intomypocketbeforecheckingthefridgeforsupplies.Myfatherusedtocookus
breakfasteverySundaymorning,anditseemedfittingthatIdothesameformyfamily.It
wasoneofmyfavoritechildhoodmemories,andoneoftheonlytimeswe’dallsitatthe
tabletogetherwitheveryone’sschedulesbeingsodifferent.

Idecidedonfrenchtoast,andbacon,rememberingitwasoneofEvie’sfavorites.Ihad
justaboutfinishedthebacon,andtossedmyfirstpieceoffrenchtoastintothepanwhenI
heardatinysetoffootsteps.IturnedslowlytoseeasleepyheadedGabrielrubbinghis
eyeswithonehand,andholdinghislionintheother.

“Goodmorningbuddy.”Isaid,withasmile.“Youreadyforsomebreakfast?”

Henoddedenthusiastically,climbingupontooneofthekitchenchairs.Justlikehis
mommaIthought,shetoowasafoodenthusiast,andIwassurprisedthesmellhadn’t
alreadywokenher.Ifinishedupthefrenchtoast,andmadeGabrielhisplate,cuttingthe
piecesinsmallcubes,likeI’ddonethisamilliontimesbefore,buttherealitywas,I
hadn’t.Imissedoutonallofhisfirsts,butIcouldn’tdwellonthatnow,notwhenthings
werefinallystartingtofallintoplace.

IsetaplaceforEvie,andthenmyself,beforerunningupstairstowakeher.Ifoundher
standinginthebedroom’sadjoiningbathroominoneofmyteeshirts,fussingwithher
curlyhair.“Iwokeuplikethis?”Shesaidshrugginghershoulders,andlookingabsolutely
adorable.Ilaughedwithher,whenIhuggedherfrombehind,kissingthehollowofher
neck.

“Youlookbeautiful.”Isaidhonestly,turningherinmyarms,andkissingherproperly.

“Breakfastisready,andGabe’salreadydiggingin.”

“IthoughtIsmelledsomethingyummy.”Shesaidtakingmyhand,andleadingmedown
thestairs.

“Momma!Bacon!”Gabrielyelled,whenhesawthetwoofusroundthecorner.

Welaughed,andIpulledEvie’schairoutforher,takingtheseatdirectlyacrossfromher.
Therewesat,allcladinourpajamas,enjoyingbreakfastonaSundaymorning.Itfeltso
right,andIwisheditneverhadtoend.IglancedaroundthetablenoticingthatI’d
forgottentoputthesyrupout.Imadetostand,whenIfeltsomethinghitmyfoot.I
glanceddown,toseewhatitwas,butGabrielbeatmetooit,jumpingfromhisseatand
openingtheringbox.

“Pretty!”Hesaid,pullingtheringfromit’sboxandwatchingitsparkle.

Myheartsankintomystomach,thiswasn’texactlyhowI’dplannedonpurposing.
Improvising,IgentlytooktheringfromGabriel’ssmallhand.“Thanksforpickingthatup
formebuddy.”Isaid,beforewalkingaroundthetabletowhereEviesat.Herhands
instantlywenttohermouthinashockedexpression,andIsilentlyhopedthatitwasa
goodsign.

“EvangelinePerez.”Istarted,takingadeepbreathforgoodmeasure.“Thisringhasbeen
inmyfamilyformoreyearsthanIcanremember.Mymotherleftittomeonone
condition.Thewomanwhoworeithadtochallenge,andacceptme,butaboveall,shehad
toloveme.Iknewatseventeenyearsoldthatthisringwouldonlyeverbelongtoyou.IfI
wereasmarterman,Iwouldhaveproposedthen,tohellwithwhatanyonehadtosay,but
youandIbothknowI’mnotthatman.I’mamanwhohasmademistakes,andI’ll
probablymakemore.ButtheonethingthatI’msureofinthislife,isthatIloveyou,and
askingyoutobemywifetodayisn’toneofthosemistakes.WillyoumarrymeHermosa?”

“Ihavesomanyquestions.Wherewillwelive?Howwillthiswork?What-”

“You’reoverthinkingagainHermosa.Whatdoesyourhearttellyou?”Iaskedsoftly,
placingmyhandoverit.“Inhere?”

“Yes.”Shewhispered,hereyeslockedonmine.“Yes.”Shesaidagain,aloudthistime
beforeflingingherselfdownontopofme.Webothfellintoafitoflaughter,asshe
pepperedmyfacewithkisses.Gabrieljoinedinonthefuntoo,jumpingonthebothofus
andattemptingtotickleus.Intheend,hewastheonebeingtickled,andwhenwe’d
finallycalmedhimdown,Iplacedmymother’sringonEvie’sfinger.Itfitherperfectly,
andlookedlikeithadalwaysbeenthere.

Shesmiled,lookingdownatthesparklingrock.Itwasasplitshankvintageopalringwith
adiamondhalo.Thebandwastwentyfourcaratgold,andtheopalwasoneandahalf
carats,andagainstthecomplexionofherskin,itshonebrilliantly.Myfatherhaditcustom
madeformymotheraftertheirseconddate.Itseemsfallinghard,andfastwasinmy
DNA.Ihadneverbeensohappytositdownandeatcoldfrenchtoastandbacon.
EspeciallywhenIwassittingdirectlyacrossfrommynewfiance.Fromtheonewoman,
whohasneverleftmyheart.Iwasfinallystartingtoenjoylifeagain,anditwasall
becauseofher.

Afterfinishingourbreakfast,andgettingGabrielallcleanedup,wedecidedtoheadover
toWes,andZoe’splacetotellthemourgoodnews.Wepulledintotheirdrivewayaround
noon,andGabrielwantedtobetheonetoknockonthedoor.Iliftedhiminmyarmsand
lethimringthedoorbellinstead,knowingthatitwoulddrivetheirdogRockocrazy.

IcouldhearZoeyellingatthepoordogontheothersideofthedoorbeforesheanswered
it,makingmelaugh.“Jake!”Shesaid,withastartasifsheweresurprisedtoseeme.
“AndEvie,andGabriel.”Sheaddedwithasmile.“Whatbringsyouguysby?”

“Canwecomein?”Iasked,archingabrow.“Or,wouldyoulikeustocomebackanother
time..”Ihalfjoked.Shewasactingodd.

“Sorry.”Shelaughed,“Comeinguys.Wewerejustuh,cleaningthebathroom.Letmetell
Wesyou’rehere.”Shesaid,runningupthestairs.

“Iknowshe’smysister.”IwhisperedtoEvie,“butiftheywerehavingsexit’snotlikeit
wouldbeasurprise.”

Eviesmackedmyarmplayfully,justasWes,andZoecamedownthestairs.IwatchedZoe
stopdeadinhertracks,ashereyecaughtEvie’shandasshedidso.“Jake?”Sheasked
nonchalantly.“IsEviewearingmom’sring?”

“That’swhywe’rehereZo.”Isaid,theexcitementevidentinmyvoice.“EvieandIare
engaged.”

“Engaged?”Sheasked,likeshehadn’theardmecorrectly.“Jake..couldItalktoyoufora
minute?Alone.”

“Whateveryouhavetosay,youcansayinfrontofEvie.”Isaid,standingmyground.

“Maybeso,butI’drathernotsayanythinginfrontofGabriel.”Shesmiledsweetlyathim.
“DoyouwanttogohelpUncleWesfeedRocko?”

“Yes!”Hesquealed,ashetriedtowriggleoutofEvie’sarms.Shesethimdown,andWes
immediatelytookhishand,leadinghimtowardsthekitchen,andawayfromour
conversation.

WhenshewassurethatGabrielwasoutofearshot,Zoefocusedherattentionbackon
Evie,andI.“Whattheactualfuck?”Sheasked,withexasperation.

Chapter24Then

KnowingthatIhadZoe’ssupportmeanttheworldtome.Itmadeleavingheralonewith
Wes,alittlemorebearable.But,onlyalittlebit.Icouldtellbythewaythathelookedat
her,hewasinterested.Ijusthopedmyleavingwouldn’tpushthemtogether.Ihadalready
lostEvie,andifsomethinghappenedbetweenWes,andZoe,I’dlosehimtoo.Iwould
havetochoosesides,andobviouslyI’dchoosemysister.

Normally,I’dbebackonbase,butthankstoGeneralWyattIwasafewhoursawayfrom
landinginGeorgia.Therewasatrainingfacilitythere,andhethoughtIwasthemanfor
thejob.Honestly,afterfuckingupsobadonmylastmission,Iwasfeelingalittle
relieved.I’dbeinchargeofaplatoon,butonlyinatrainingaspect.IfIdidagoodjob,
therewasachanceforapromotion,andthatwaswhatIdecidedIwasreallyafter.

IfIhadtolivemylifewithoutEvie,andmoveon,thenthiswastheonlywayIknewhow.
Onlythistime,Iwasgoingtodoitright.Nomorehotshotmoves,justbythebook
militarytraining.Itwastimetothebethekindofmanwhodeservedrespect,andI
realizedthatthesepastfewmonthsI’dlostallsightofhim.Ifmyfatherwerestillherehis
disappointmentwouldbestaggering.

WhenIenteredthearmytwoandhalfyearsago,itwasbecauseIwantedtofindmyself,
tofindwhatIwasgoodat.Now,IwasstayingbecauseitbecameallthatIknew.Ifeltlike
myselfamongmymen.Iwasn’tjudged,orlookeddownupon,evenwhenImessedup.
Therewasakindofbrotherhoodthatonlythey,andIunderstood,andI’dbelyingifIsaid
itdidn’tmakemeloveitevenmore.

Iwasfinallyontherightpath,andIowedittomysister.Sheletmeloseit,andthenshe
wastheretohelpmepickupthepieces.Imayhavebeentheonewhowaslookingafter
her,butshewasalwaysthegluethatheldustogether.Evenwhenourparentswerealive,it
wasZoewhokeptusallsane.Shehadthiswayabouther,anhonestythatnooneever
questioned.I’dneveradmitit,butIwishedIhadsomeofthat.Myfearwasalmostnon
existentwhenIwasoutonamission,butwhenitcametomyfeelings,Iwasacoward.
Anditwasmycowardice,thatlostEvie.

Theflightattendantannouncedthatwe’dbelandingsoon,andeveryonefastenedtheir
seatbelts.Iclosedmyeyes,astheplanemadeit’sdecent,secretlyhopingforalittle
turbulence.Lifewasn’tanythingbutconsistent,anditonlyseemedfittingthatmylanding
wouldn’tbeasmoothone.Whychangethingsnow?

Iwalkedintotheairportwithmybagslungovermyshoulder.Iwasheadingtowardsthe
baggageclaim,whenawomanholdingasigncaughtmyeye.Itsaid“JakeCruz.”With
confusion,Imademywaytowardsherabandoningmybagsforthemoment.WhenI
stoppedinfrontofher,Ipointedtothesign.“I’mJakeCruz.”Isaid.

“Yesyouare.”Shewinked.“Grabyourbagssoldier,you’recomingwithme.”

“Andyouare?”Iasked,skeptically.

“Afriendsentme.”Shesmiledsweetly.“Nowgograbyourbags.”

“Yes,maa’m.”Ismiledback,beforedoingassheinstructed.WhenIreturned,she’d

abandonedthesign,andstoodwaiting,herarmscrossedoverherchest,andherhip
cockedtotheside.Shewascute,butIstillhadnoideawhothehellshewas.“Yougonna
tellmeyournameSweetheart?”Iasked,asIfollowedheroutoftheairport,andintoa
waitinglimousine.

“Candace,buteveryoneusuallyjustcallsmeCandy.”

“OkCandy.What’swiththelimo?”

“Doyoualwaysasksomanyquestions?”Sheasked,placingherhandonthedoorhandle.

“OnlywhenI’mbeingpickedupbyabeautifulwomanfromtheairportinalimo.”Isaid.

“IlikeyouCruz.”Shesmiled.“Ithinkwe’regoingtobegoodfriends.Now,areyou
gettinginfirst,orshouldI?”

“Ladiesfirst.”Isaid,placingmyhandoverherssoIcouldbetheonetoopenthedoor.
Friendofafriendornot,Iwasagentleman.

Weslippedintothelimo,andthepartitionscreenwasalreadyup,soIhadnoideawhothe
driverwas.IwatchedasCandypouredherselfaglassofwine,andthensheofferedme
one.Ideclined,Iwasonmywaytothetrainingfacilityafterall.Showinguphammered
probablywouldn’tmakethebestfirstimpression.“Suiteyourself.”Shesaid,bringingher
glasstoherlips.“Wehaveanhoursdrive,whatdoyouwanttodo?”Sheasked,crossing
herlegsstrategically,allowingherdresstorisehigherupherthighs.

“Whichoneofmyfriendsarrangedthis?”Iasked,suddenlygettingthefeelingthatCandy
wasmoreofastagenamethananactualname.

“LukeMendez.”Shesaid,takinganothersipofherwine.“Hiswayofsayingthankyou.”

Iletoutabreaththatsoundedlikeaquiethowl.“Idon’twanttooffendyouhere
Sweetheart,butwhatexactlydidhehireyoutodo?”

Shelaughed,polishingoffherglass,andplacingitbackinthecupholder.“I’manescort.”
Shesaid,asifitwerethemostnaturalthingintheworld,beforeslidingovertositbeside
me.Sheplacedherhandonmythigh,andgaveitalittlesqueeze.“Lukesaidyouhadalot
oftension,andI’mheretohelpyouironitallout.”Herhandrosehigher,brushingagainst
thesideofmycock.“Justtellmewhatyouneed.”Shewhispered,leaningtowardsme,her
intentionsmorethanclear.

“Listen.”Isaid,placingmyhandoverhers,andremovingitfrommythigh.“You’rea
beautifulwoman,really,butthisisn’tmykindofthing.Doyouunderstand?”

“Whatareyousaying?”Sheasked,stickingherbottomlipoutinapoutthatwasprobably
supposedtobealluring,butinsteadmadeherseemspoiled,andchildish.

“I’msaying,thelimowilldropyouoffwhereveryouneedtogo,butthat’sallthatwe’re
doingtogether.Justenjoyingacarride.”

“But,I’malreadypaidfor.”Shepoutedagain,crossingherarms.

“Considerthisaneasydaysworkthen.”Ismiled.Thisseemedtoinfuriateher,andshe
quicklywenttotheothersideofthelimoandtappedontheglass.Thepartitionwent
down,andshegavethedrivertheaddresstoahotel.Sheremainedquietuntilthecar

finallystoppedtenminuteslater.WhenIofferedtogetthedoorforher,sheflippedme
off,andclimbedovermeinstead.IhadafewchoicewordsforMendezwhenIseenhim
again.

“HowmuchlongeruntilwearriveatFortBenning?”Iaskedthedriver,beforehehadthe
chancetoputthepartitionupagain.

“Tenminutessir.”Thedriverreplied.

“Thankyou.”Isaid,closingmyeyes,andrubbingmytempleswithmyhands.Iwas
suddenlystruckwiththebiggestheadache,anditwascalledLukeMendez.

Whenwepulleduptothebasethemenatthefrontgate,lookedlessthanimpressed.
Insteadofarguingwiththedriver,andtheothersoldiersIjustgrabbedmybags,and
walkedaroundtothefrontofthelimo.“SergeantJakeCruz.”Isaid,“GeneralWyattsent
mefromFortHunterLiggett.”

Themenlookedfromme,thentothelimo,thequestionintheireyesevident.“Itwasmy
platoonsideaofajoke.”Isaid,shruggingmyshoulders.“Iassureyou,Inormallydrivea
beatupchevypickup.”Ijoked,tryingtocleartheair.ThelastthingIwantedwasformy
train-eestothinkIwassomespoiledrichkidwhogotthejobbecauseofhisconnections.

Afterradioingtheirsupervisor,Iwasfinallyallowedin,andIwalked.Ididn’tcareifIhad
towalkamile,thatlimowasstayingontheothersideoftheFort.Luckilyitwasmorelike
thelengthofacountrydriveway,andwhenImadeittothefrontoffice,Iseenafew
familiarfaces.Butler,andMendez,weresittinginthewaitingroomtypeareawithshit
eatinggrinsontheirfaces.

“HaveagoodrideSarge?”Mendezasked,raisinghiseyebrowsupanddown,causing
Butlertofallintoafitoflaughter.

“Realslickguys.Youforgettingwho’sinchargehere?”Iasked.

“Iam.”GeneralWyattsaidloud,andstern,seeminglyappearingoutofnowhere.“Ifyou
boysaredoneplayingwitheachothernow,I’lltellyouwhyyou’reallhere.”

Chapter25Now

Evie,andIfollowedZoebackupstairssothatGabrielwouldn’toverhearanythinghe
shouldn’thave.IknewmysisterwouldhavereservationsaboutEvie,andI,butIthought
shewouldatleastrespectourdecision.Whenweresafelyshutintheguestbedroom,Evie
andIsatdownonthebed,leavingZoetopacetheroom.

“Haveyoucompletelylostyourmind?”Sheasked,aimingthequestiondirectlyatme.

“YouknowhowmuchIloveherZoe.It’stherightmove.”

“Ohit’stherightmoveisit?”Shesaid,shakingherheadindisbelief.“I’msorry,butdoes
sheknowwhatshedidtoyou?Whatsheputyouthrough?!”

Eviestoodthen,gettingrightinmysister’sface.“ListenZoe,Irespectyou,butyou’re
wayoutofline.Youaren’thisprotector,andyoudon’tgettomakedecisionsforhim.”

“No,that’syourjob!”Zoespatback.“Likedecidingthathedidn’tneedtoknowabouthis
son!”

“Thisdoesn’tevenconcernyou!”Eviesaid,raisingherhandsindisbelief.“Wedon’thave
toexplainanythingtoyou.”

“YoualmostkilledhimEvie!”Zoeyelled,tearsbeginningtoformbehindhereyes.“He
threwhimselfintoeverysingledangerousmission.Theonesthatnoonewanted.He
almostgothisentireplatoonkilledbecausehejustdidn’tgiveashitanymore.Youdid
that!Younearlydestroyedhim,andittookyearstogethimbacktoagoodplace!”Zoe’s
tearswerefallingfreelynow.“I’vealwaysrootedforyoutwo,butthis?Thisisinsane.”
Shesaidsoftly.

Evieturnedtofaceme,herowneyesbrimmingwithtears.“IsthattrueJake?”Sheasked,
sittingbackdownbesideme.

“I’llleaveyoutwoalone.”Zoesaid,reachingforthedoorhandle.

“Wait.”Isaidstanding,andreachingforherhand.Iledherbacktowardsthebed,sitting
herdownbesideEvie.“Youtwoarethemostimportantwomeninmylife,andthere’sa
lotthatbothofyoudon’tknow.Yes,whenEvieleftIlostmydamnmind.Icalledthe
police,Ijumpedintoridiculouslydangeroussituations,andItrashedmyroom.Ididallof
thatbecauseIblamedmyself.Iwaslivingalifethatdidn’tfeellikemine.Iletmyfearof
sayingthewrongthing,controlme,soIjustdidn’tsayanythingatall.Toeitherofyou.
Zoe,you’rethereasonIwasabletomoveonwithoutEvie.IknowyouthinkthatI’m
makingamistake,andthatI’mjumpinginheadfirst,butI’mtakingacuefromyou.”

“Fromme?”Sheaskedpuzzled.

“Yes.You.You’vealwaystoldmethetruth,andsaidwhateverwasonyourmind,justlike
today.Evie,andIaremeanttobe.It’sascomplicated,andassimpleasthat.Wearegoing
forwardwithoureyeswideopen.Shestillintendstoopenherpractice,andworkat
Harper’sHouse.IstillhaveeighteenmonthsleftofIRR.Nothingischanging,exceptfor
thefactthatwe’renolongergoingthroughthesethingsalone.Wehaven’tgotallthe
detailsironedoutyet,butwewill.We’llmakeitwork,becausenothinginmylifemakes
sensewithoutEvie.”

“You’reright.”Zoesaid,turningtofaceEvie.“I’msorryIjumpeddownyourthroat.It’s
justseeingmymother’sringonyourfingeraftereverythingthatJake’sgonethrough,it
reallythrewmeforaloop.”

BeforeEviecouldrespond,asoftknockcameonthedoor.“Zoe?”Wescalledout.“Iuh,I
needyouinthebathroom.”

Zoestoodquickly,wipinghertearsfromherfacebeforepullingthedooropen.Gabriel
squirmedoutofWes’handsandranovertoEviegivingherabighug.“Iuh,I’llleaveyou
guystotalk.”Zoesaid,slippingoutofthebedroom,andtakingWes’waitinghand.

Iclosedthedoorbehindher,takingthenowvacantseatbesideEvie.“Iwonderwhatthat
wasallabout?”Iasked.“Firsttheywerecleaningthebathroomwhenwearrived,andnow
Wesneedshelp?”Eviejustshrugged,quietlykissingthetopofGabriel’shead.“Hey.”I
said,usingmyfingertoliftherchintowardsme.“We’reok.”Isaidreassuringher.
“Everything’sgoingtobeok.”

“Ididn’tknow.”Shesobbedsoftly.“Ididn’tknowleavingthewaythatIdidwouldhurt
yousomuch.Ithoughtyou’dfindsomeonetofallinlovewith,andyou’dmoveon.How
couldIhavebeensoselfish.”

“Hermosa,youarenotselfish.Alittlemessymaybe,butnotselfish.”Iteased.

“Aren’tI?You’releavingtomorrowJake,andIknowyoucan’tstay,butIstillsaidyes.I
stillagreedtomarryyou.”

“Thatisn’tselfishHermosa,that’ssmart.”Iwinked.“Yousaidyesbecauseyouloveme,
andsayingyesisn’tselfishwhenitmakesmethehappiestmanintheuniverse.”

“Seriously?HasWesgivenyoupointers,becauseyourgamehasreallyimproved.”She
giggled,andIpulledher,andGabeontomylap.

“Wesisn’ttheonlyonewhocanspewsomeprettywords.”Isaid,kissinghersoftlyonthe
crookofherneck.“YoubringoutthepoetinmeHermosa.”

“Andapparentlythecheesetoo.”Sheteased.

“That’sit.I’vehadenoughofbeingmadefunof.”Iteasedback,beforeticklingherrib
cage.Inaninstantshewasonherback,Gabriellaughinguncontrollablyontopofher,asI
switchedmyticklinghandsfromhertohim.Iwasrelentless,anddidn’tstopuntilshewas
screaminguncle.“Yougiveup?”Iasked,raisingmyeyebrowsplayfully.

“Never.”Shesaidwithconviction,butIknewitwasnolongerinthecontextoftickling.It
wasinthecontextoflife.Ourlivestogether,andwhatwecouldfinallybe.Afamily.

Thethreeofuswentdownstairstogether,Evie’shandinmine,andGabrielonherhip.We
foundWes,andZoesittingonthecouch,andtookourownseatsdirectlyacrossfromthem
ontheloveseat.“I’vedecidednottosellthehouse.”Isaid,gaugingZoe’sreaction.

“Whatchangedyourmind?”Sheasked,sittingupstraighter.

“Wehadsometimetotalkupstairs,andwe’vefiguredsomethingsout.Evie’spractice
won’tbeopenforatleastanothersixmonths,andGabriel’stooyoungtostartschooljust
yetsothey’recomingwithme.Whenthepracticeisupandrunning,sheandGabewill
needaplacetostay,anditmakessensethattheystaythere.Thatthethreeofus,live

there.”

“You’resaying,afteryou’vefinishedwithIRR,you’removingbackforgood?You’re
donewiththearmy?”Sheasked,abitskeptically.

“That’swhatI’msaying.”Isaid,withasmile.“Thelasttimethathousefeltlikehomewas
whenEviewasthere.Ithinkthat’swhyIwantedtosellit.Toomanymemories,notjust
forEvie,andI,butmemoriesofmomanddad.Whatdoyouthink?”

“Ithinkitsoundslikeyou’vegoteverythingfiguredout.”Shesmiled.“I’mhappyforyou
Jake,Ireallyam.”

“ThanksZo.Now,youwanttotellmewhatthehellisgoingonwithyoutwo?”Iasked.
“UnlessWessuddenlyhasabowelissue,I’mnotsurewhyhe’dneedhelpinthe
bathroom.”

Wesflippedmethebird,atraithe’dapparentlyadoptedfromhisnewwife.Buthedidn’t
respond,justtookherhandinhisandrubbedhisthumboverherpalm.“Babydoll?”He
asked.

“Ihaven’tbeenfeelingwell,atfirstIthoughtitwasthejetlag,orthetimechange,from
beinginHawaii,butthen,Idon’tknow.Whenyouallshowedup,weweren’tcleaningthe
bathroom.”Shestammered.“Weweretakingapregnancytest.”

“And?”Iasked,theanticipationeatingatme.

“Wesneededhelpinthebathroombecausehewenttocheckonthetest.Weleftitonthe
counterwhenyouguyscamein.Itsatlongerthanthethreeminutes,sowearen’treally
sure,Imeanitcouldbeafalsepositive.Ithinkweshould-”

“Positive!”Isaidexcitedly,practicallyjumpingoverthecoffeetabletopullherintoahug.
“Thisdaycouldn’tgetanybetter.”Afterreleasingmysister,Ireachedmyhandouttomy
bestfriend.“Congratulationsman.”Isaidgenuinely.“Ifyoutoldmetwoyearsagothat
youtwowouldbemarriedandhavingababy,Iprobablywould’vekilledyou.Lifesureis
crazy.”

Chapter26Then

GeorgiawasbetterthanIexpected.Iactuallyenjoyedteaching,andtheyseemedto
receivemewell.Itwasn’tthecombatactionthatIwasusedto,butitwasstillintherealm
thatIloved.IwasalittlesurprisedtofineMendez,andButlerhere,butGeneralWyatt
soonexplainedwhy.Thethreeofushadbeenonoveradozenmissionstogether,andhe
thoughtwe’dbeabletohelptrainotherpotentialspecialopsteams.Theschoolwas
strictlyforsnipers,soourlessonswereonthedownlow.

Mendezreallyhadaknackfortheschematics,andButler,wellhewasthemuscle.After
chewingthembothoutfortheirinvolvementinthewholeCandysituation,wegotrightto
work.GeneralWyattevenpraisedus,whichwasamiracleinitself.Thatmanwashardas
helltoplease,hisnicknamebehindhisbackwasn’tGeneralDickHeadjustbecause.He
wastherealdeal,fourthgenerationGeneral,andeventhoughhemadesomedumbass
decisions,heknewhowtodohisjob.

Ifinallyhadsomedowntimetoday,andithadbeenawhilesinceI’dheardfromZoe.I
decidedI’dtryandSkypewithherrealquick,soIpulledoutmylaptop,andsatdownat
thesmalldiningtable.Ihitsend,andwaited,butafteraminute,itsaidcallerunavailable.
Maybeshewasn’thomeIthought,soItriedWesinstead.Lasttimewespoke,hewas
stayingatahotel,andwaitingtomoveintohisnewhouse.Hesaidthingsgotawkward
withhim,andZoewhenIwasn’taround.Ididn’tbothertoask,honestly,Iwasgladit
didn’thavetheoppositeeffectandpushthemtogether.

Wesansweredafewsecondslater,shirtless,andsmiling.“Heybrother!”Hegreeted.

Itookinthescenearoundhim.“Isthatthenewplace?”Iasked.

“Partofit.Youcaughtmegettingreadytohopintheshower.”Hesaid,movinghisphone
aroundthebathroom.“I’llgiveyouthegrandtourwhenyoucomevisit.”

Iheardthedoorsqueakopen,andWes’eyeswiden.Hecockedhisheadtotheside,and
thedoorsqueakedonceagain.“Yougotagirltherealready?”Iasked,onalaugh.“Didn’t
takeyoulongtofindabedbuddy.What’shername?”

“Longstoryman.I’vegottogetback.”Hesaid,beforepressingend.

Thatwasweird.Sincewhendidn’tWesGrangerwanttobragabouthislatestconquest?
Maybeheactuallycaredaboutthisone?Ilaughed,shakingthethoughtfrommymind.
Thedaythathecommits,wouldbethedaythatIjoinedthedamncircus.Closingmy
laptop,Isatdowntoputmysneakerson.Iraneverymorningsincebeinghere.Thebase
washuge,andIcouldeasilygetthreemilesinbyloopingit.

IevenrecruitedMendez,andButlertojoinme.Theyweren’tasenthusiasticatfirst,but
nowtheymetmeatmydooreverymorning.TobehonestIenjoyedthecompany.The
traineeswereniceenough,buttheseguys,withalltheirflaws,weremybrothers.Iwas
justabouttostepoutside,whenIheardtheassholesbangingonmydoor.“Keepyour
pantiesonladies,I’mcomingout!”Icalled,beforeopeningthedoor.Iwasgreetedby
fourmiddlefingers,whichIquicklyreturnedwithtwoofmyownbeforelockingup.

Thethreeofusjoggedinsilenceforthefirstfewminutes,settingourpace.Andlike

always,Butlerwasthefirstonetobreakthatsilence.“YouheardfromGranger?”He
asked.

“Justtalkedtohimthismorning.Hehadcompanythough,soitwasshort.You?”

“Nah.He’sstillpissedaboutwhat’sherface.”

“Youmeanhisexfiance?Theoneyousleptwith?”Iasked,knowingdamnwellwhathe
wastalkingabout.Iwouldn’thavebeenarealfriendthoughifIdidn’tgivehimshitforit.

“Forthelastfuckingtime.Ididn’tknowshewashisfuckingfiance!”Butlersaid,tossing
hishandsupintheairdramatically.

Mendez,andIfellintoafitoflaughter,andsoonButlerjoinedin.Itwasjusttheway
thingswerewithus.Ifeitheroftheseassholeswereevernicetome,Itwouldprobablybe
becauseIwasdying.Everyoneneededafewfriendslikethat.Itkeptusreal,grounded.
Noneofusneededbigheads,especiallywithourprofession.Wecountedoneachother,
andthatwasagreatfeeling.Knowingthatnomatterwhatyoudidthesemenwould
alwayshaveyourback.EvenwhenButlerscrewedWesover,hestillsavedhisass,time,
andtimeagain.Thatwasjustthewaythearmyworked.

“Youhearfromyoursister?”Mendezasked,whenthelaughterdieddown.

“Triedherfirst,butitjustkeptringing.”

“She’sprobablytheoneinWes’bedroom.”Hesaid,wrigglinghiseyebrows.“Yoursister
gothotCruz,that’sallI’msayin’.”

“FuckyouMendez!”Isaidpickingupmypace,andencouragingthethembothtodothe
same.Theywerebothtoocompetitivenotto.

Weendedupcompletingourruninrecordtime,andwhenwemadeitbacktomyplace,
weallploppeddownonthefrontporch.Ihadbottledwaterattheready,andwedrainedit.
Sweatdrippingdownourfaces,ouradrenalineslowlyslippingaway,thiswaswhatmade
mefeelalive.“Butler’sbuyingbeertonight.”Isaid,pointingoutthathewasthelastto
makeittotheporch.

“Iboughtlastweek!”Hewhined.

“Pickupthepacenexttimemuscles.”Iteased,tossinganotherbottleofwaterathim.
“We’regoingouttonightfellas.We’veallbeenworkingourassesoff,it’stimetoblowoff
alittlesteam.”

“I’min.”Mendezsaid,tossinghisemptybottleintothetrashcanbesidetheporch.

“See.EvenmoodyassMendezisin,youcan’tbackoutbecauseyou’reasoreloser
Butler.”

“Fuckyou!”Thebothsaidsimultaneously,makingmelaugh.

“Seeyoutonightboys.”IsaidasIstood,andsteppedinside,leavingthemoutonthe
porch,andshuttingthedoorbehindme.

Ithadtakentime,butIwasfinallyabletolookatotherwomenagain.Actuallylookat
them,andIneededtonight.I’dbeenwoundupsotightlately,thatalittlefunwoulddome
good.Ihoppedintheshower,rinsingoffthismorningsrun,relishinginthesteaminghot

water.Mymuscleswereconstantlyachinganymore,nomatterhowmuchIusedthem.I
hadahandfulof“streetclothes”asIcalledthem,andtherestwerebackhomeinSan
Franscisco.Pickingoutanoutfitwasn’ttoohard,apairofjeans,andaworninteefitthe
bill,soIdressed,andIwaited.

Ididn’thavemuchofasociallife,Ineverdid.OtherthanEviedraggingmeplacesthatI
didn’tnecessarilywanttogo.So,Iwastedthedayaway.Iwatchedmindlesstelevision,
atesaltysnacks,andloungedaround.Itwasn’tuntilIheardtheknockonmydooraround
sixthatIevenrealizedhowlateitwas.Icheckedmyhaironelasttimeinthemirror,
anothergoodthingaboutworkinghere,nocrewcuts.

WhenIpulledthedooropen,IthoughtIwasgoingtodiefromlaughter.Butler,and
Mendezwerebothdressedinkahki’s,buttondownshirts,andblazers.Itlookedlikethey
felloffthepagesfromapolomagazine.“Whatthefuckareyoutwowearing?”Iasked.
“AndwhereinthehelldidyoufindablazertofityourmeatyassarmsButler?”

“Theladieslikethepreppylook.You’llsee.”Mendezsaid,straighteningthecollaronhis
jacket.

“Somechicklefthermagazineathisplace,andhe’sbeenreadingallthearticles.”Butler
said.“Allthepicturesinthatdamnthing,thisiswhatthemenarewearing.He’safucking
idiot,butI’mwithhimonthisone.”

Puttingmyhandsupinmocksurrender,Ituckedmykeys,andcellphoneintomypocket.
“Leadthewayfellas.”Isaid.

ButlerwastheDD,sincehedidn’tdrink,whichworkedoutgreatforMendez,andI
becausewedid.Wepulledintothebartwentyminuteslater,anditwasalreadypacked.A
lotoftheguysfrequentedthisplace,andwomencamethereknowingtheycouldhookup
withasoldier.Itwasawellknownwateringhole,andI’donlybeenhereoneothertime.A
petiteblondewithcurvesfordays,walkedinaheadofus,andmyeyesweren’ttheonly
onesonherassets.“Dibs.”Isaid,lockingitdownbeforethingone,andthingtwohadthe
chance.

“Ablonde?”Mendezasked.

“Timetonutup,orshutupboys.”Isaid,pattingMendezontheshoulder,andfollowing
theblondeintothecrowd.

Chapter27Now

Headingbacktobasewasusuallyasimpletask.I’dgrabacouplebags,tosstheminmy
truck,andheadout.Onlythistime,itwasn’tsimple.Thistime,IhadEvie,andGabriel
withme.Itwasfinallystartingtofeelreal.Eviebrokeherlease,andwehiredamoving
companytomoveallofherlargeritemsintomy–ourhouseinSanFranscisco.Allwe
werebringingwereourclothes,andGabriel’sfavoritetoys.Anythingelse,wecouldpick
uponbase.

Wes,andZoemetusatEvie’splacetosaytheirgoodbyes,eventhoughitwasonlyfora
shorttime.Wesalsoagreedtooverseethemovers,andmakesurethateverythinggotto
thehouseinonepiece.Iwasgratefulforbothofthem,andIknewI’donlybemoresoin
themonthstocome.I’dbecountingonthemtolookafterEvie,andGabrielwhenI
couldn’t.EventhoughIknewIhadatleastthenextsixmonthswiththem,Iknewhow
fasttimeflew,andbeforeIknewitthey’dbeleaving.

Ihuggedmysisteronelasttime,beforeclimbingintothedriversseat,reachingforEvie’s
handwhenIdidso.Ifelttheringonherfinger,anditbroughtasmiletolips.“Ready?”I
askedher.Whenshenoddedyeswithasmileofherown,Iputthetruckintodrive,and
pulledawayfromtheplacethatshehadbeencallinghomeforthepastfewmonths.She
didn’tevenlookback,andneitherdidI.

“Youreadyforalongcarridebuddy?”IaskedGabriel,lockingeyeswithhimintherear
viewmirror.

“Ready!”Hesaid,clutchinghislion,andhisfavoriteblanketinhistinyarms.

Ismiledbackathim,beforereleasingEvie’shandlongenoughtoplaywiththeradio.Iset
itonarockstation,andwithinseconds,shewaschangingittocountry.“Rulesofevery
roadtrip.”Shesaid,placingherhandbackinmine.“Thepassenger,isalwaystheDJ.”

Ilaughed,bringingherhandtomylipstokissit.“YoujustmakethatupHermosa?”

“HaveItoldyouhowmuchImissyoucallingmethat?”Sheasked,avoidingmyquestion.

“Once,ortwice.”Iwinked,beforereturningmyfocusbacktotheroad.“HaveI
mentionedhowmuchIloveyou?”

“Nottoday.”Sheteased.

“IloveyouHermosa.”Isaid,withthecheesiestgrinI’deversported.Ifinallyknewwhat
itfeltliketotrulybehappy.

“IloveyouMama.”Gabrielsaidfromthebackseat,asherubbedhistiredeyes.“Ilove
youDaddy.”

“Oh!Ihavesomethingforyou.”Eviesaid,releasingmyhandtoriflethroughherpurse.“I
filedthepaperworkthedayyoumentionedit.Iwantedtosurpriseyou.Allyouneedtodo
issignthis,andyou’llbeonGabriel’sbirthcertificate.Ialsobeganthepaperworkto
changehislastname.Iwantusalltoshareit,ifthat’sokay?”Sheaskedtimidly.

“It’smorethanokayHermosa.”Isaid,placingmyhandonherthigh.“IfIdidn’thaveto
driverightnow,I’dpullyouoverhere,andshowyoujusthowokayitis.”Iwhispered,

givingheralittlesqueeze.

“IneverthoughtI’denduplivingonanarmybase.”Shesighed,placingherhandover
mine.

“Areyounervous?”

“Very.”Shelaughed.“Thisisn’tthelifethatIimaginedformyself,orforGabriel.Itjust
seemslikeawaste,youknow?Thesepasttwoyears,wecouldhavebeenwithyou.
Instead,Ikepthimaway.IthoughtIwaskeepinghimsafe.That,Iwouldn’thaveto
explainhisfather’sdeathtohim.But,therealityisyoucouldbehitbyabustoday.Weall
could.Ispentsomuchtime“protecting”him,Ilostsightofwhatreallymatters.Family.I
neverhadone,andwhatdoIdo?Keepmysonfromhis.ImahypocriteJake.”

“NoEvie,you’rehuman.Weallmakemistakes,theimportantthingisthatwe’retogether
now,andthatwe’rehappy.Areyouhappy?”

“MorethanIeverthoughtpossible.”

“Thenthat’sallthatmatters.That,andthefactthatthedriverisindeedtheDJ.”Isaid,
switchingthestationbacktorock.

Sheswattedmeplayfullyontheshoulder,andGabrielyelled“nohit!”fromthebackseat,
makingusalllaugh.IwaswrongtothinkthatIneverwantedtohavekids,andthat
thoughtmademerememberEvietellingmethatshewantedfour.“Doyoustillwantfour
kids?”Iasked,needingtoknowtheanswer.

“Idon’tknow.Ithoughtso.”Shepaused,laughing.“WoulditbeadealbreakerifIstill
saidyes?”

“Hermosa,Iwouldhavedozenkidswithyouifthat’swhatyouwanted.”Isaid,grinning
wide.

“Doesthatmeanyou’regoingtobeastayathomedad,becauseIhavemyownpractice
openinguprealsoon.”Sheteased.

“JustcallmeMr.Mom.”

“You’rekidding?”Sheasked,withdisbelief.

“ImissedoutonalotwithGabriel,soifIhavethechancetoexperienceallthefirsts,I’m
goingtotakeit.Haven’tyourealizedthatI’ddoanythingtomakeyouhappy?”

“Butatwhatcost,Jake?Youdon’thavetojumpthroughhoopstoimpressme.I’mnot
goinganywhere,neveragain.Ipromise.”

“Ibelieveyou.”Isaidwithconviction,needinghertoknowthataftereverythingwe’d
beenthrough,weweregoingtobeokay.Weweregoingtomakeit.

“IwillneverforgivemyselfforwhatIdidtoyou,butIwillspendeveryday,fortherest
ofmylifemakingituptoyou.”

“WebothhavealottoprovetoeachotherHermosa.Timedoesn’thealallwounds,love
does,andwealreadyhavethat.Thatwastheeasypart.”

“Ithinkwejustwroteourvows.”Shesaidsoftly,wipingatearfromhereye.

“Ithinksomeone’sasleep.”Isaid,cockingmyheadinGabriel’sdirection.

Wespenttherestofourdrivelisteningtosongsfromourteenageyears.Apparently
Pandorahadastationforeverything,includinggirlypopsongs.Eviesangalongtosong,
aftersong,herpaintedpinktoesuponthedash.Itbroughtmebacktothoseyears.When
we’djustgetinthecaranddrive.Onlythistimewe’dbepackingadiaperbag.Ithought
aboutthattoo.Tripstothebeach,andcampgrounds.Thingsthatmyparentsdidwithme.I
lookedforwardtoallofthethingsI’dbeabletoteachGabriel,andEvie.

AlotofmyfirstswithGabe,wouldbeherfirstsingeneral.She’dneverbeenfishing,or
iceskating.Inawaywe’dbediscoveringnewthingstogether,andIcouldn’tbehappier.I
onlywishedsheandGabewouldn’thavetogobacktoSanFransciscowithoutme.Itried
toshakethatthoughtfrommymindthough,andfocusonthegoodthings.Iglancedover
atEvie,whenIrealizedshe’dstoppedsinging.Herheadwasrestingagainstthewindow,
andshewasfastasleep.Anotherblastfromthepast.Carridesalwaysdidthattoher.

Wehadanhoursdrivebeforewearrivedonbase,soIchangedthestation,andletmynew
familysleep.ThecloserwecametoFortHunterLiggett,themorenervousIbecame.Evie
hadalwaysbeenapartofmylifeinsomeway,shape,orform,butthistimeshewas
actuallypresent.I’dbesharingmysmallhouse,introducinghertoallofmyfriends,and
livingthelifethatwewerealwaysmeanttolive.Ialreadyknewthateveryonewouldlove
her,evenmyguyswhoknewourhistory.Alltheyeverwantedwasformetobehappy,
andshe’swhatmademethatway.

Whenwereachedtheentrancegate,IgaveEviealittleshake,effectivelywakingher.
“We’rehereHermosa.”Isaidquietly,notwantingtowakeGabrieljustyet.

“SorryIfellasleeponyou.”Shesighed,stretchingherarmsoverherhead.

“Youcanmakeituptomelater.”Iwinked,justaswereachedthegate.

“WelcomehomeCruz.”Thesoldieratthegatesaid,lookingpastmetoEvie.Hisname
wasDempsy,andhe’dbeenrunningthegateforaslongasI’vebeenhere.“Thisher?”He
asked,raisinghisbrowsinapproval.

“Itis.”Isaid,takingherhandinmine.“Don’tworry,I’llshowheroffoncewegetsettled.
YoujustremembertokeepyourhandstoyourselfDempsy.”

Heputhishandsupplayfully.“Scoutshonor.”

Chapter28Then

OverthelastfewmonthstheboysandIwentouteverychancewegot.Ihadofficially
turnedintoWes.Hoppingintobedwitheveryblondewhowasinterested.Ididn’teven
likeblondes,buteverybrunettewhocaughtmyeyejustremindedmeofEvie,andIwas
stilltryingtoforget.IwasheadinghometovisitZoetoday,beforebeingreassignedto
FortHunterLiggett.Itwasclosertohome,onlyathreehourdrive,whichmeantI’dbe
abletocheckuponhermoreoften.Shewasn’texpectingmeuntiltomorrow,butIwanted
tosurpriseher.

Myplanelandedaroundtwo,whichmeantI’dmakeitbacktothehousebeforeZoegot
homefromwork.Icheckedthefridge,findingmyfavoritebeer,andIsmiled.Leaveitto
mysistertomakesuremyfavoriteswereallonhand.She’devenpickedupthesaltand
vinegarpotatochipsthatIliked.AfterIshowered,Isatdownatthetabletoenjoymy
spoils.Afewminuteslater,Iheardthegaragedooropen,andthesoundofZoe’scarasit
entered.

Imademywaytothegaragetogreether,butwhenIgotthereIwassurprisedtoseethat
Weswasdriving.Theybothlookedequallysurprised,butwhenthecarwasoff,Zoe
jumpedouttogivemeahug.Shegavemetheonceover,makingsureIwasinonepiece.
“I’mgladyou’rehomeJake.”Shesaid,pullingawayandsmilingwide.Wesstoodbehind
her,puttinghishandouttoshakemine.Hepulledmeintoahugaswell.“Goodtoseeyou
brother.”Hesaid.

“Okay,I’mgoingintomakelasagna!”Zoeannounced,brushingpastusbothandleaving
usalone.

Somethingwasgoingonhere,andIhadaprettygoodideawhatitwas.“I’mheadingout
backtoenjoymybeer,youin?”Iasked,asIre-enteredthehouse.Henoddedyes,and
followedmeinside.Hestoppedshortofthepatiodoor,sayingheneededtousethe
restroom.Ishruggedmyshoulders,andwentoutonmyown,poppingthetopoffmybeer.
Afewminuteslater,Wesfinallyjoinedme,andIaboutlostmydamnmind.

“Youhavelipstickon.”Isaid,beforebringingmybeertomylipsandtakinganicelong
pull.

“Shit.”Wesmutteredunderhisbreath,beforemirroringmyaction,anddraininghisbottle.
“IloveherJake.”Hesaidsimply,settinghisemptybottledownonthetableinfrontof
me.

“Youloveher?!”Iexploded.“DoyouevenknowwhatloveisWes?”Iasked.“What
happenswhensomethingelsecomesalong?”Somethingbetter?”

“Thereisnobetterthanher.”Hereplied,justasmysistersteppedoutontothepatio.

Ididn’tknowwhoIwasmorefuriouswith.IhadwarnedWesamilliontimestostay
awayfromZoe,butIalsofeltlikeIpushedthemtogetherbyleaving.Istormedmyway
backintothehouse,needingtobeawayfromthem.Igrabbedafewbeersfromthefridge
intendingontakingthemupstairs.Istoppedatthepatiodoorsonmyway,andsawher
sittinginhislap.Iwantedtobreakthebeerbottleoverhishead,insteadIgrabbedas
manyasIcouldcarryandstompedupstairslikeachild.

Iblastedmystereo,anddrankmyselfintooblivion.Ilostcountaftereight,andendedup
crashingsometimeaftertwoAM.WhenIfinally“wokeup”itwasjustafternoon,andit
wasduetomyphonesincessantringing.IglancedatthecallerID,andseenitwasWes.
Fuckhim,Ithought,hittingtheendbutton,onlytohearthedamnthingringingagain.We
wentbackandforth,himcalling,andmerejecting,untilI’dfinallyhadenoughand
answered.

“WhateveritisWes,I’mnotinthemoodrightnow!”Isnapped.

“IsZoewithyou?”Heasked,soundingconcerned.

“She’satwork.”Isaidannoyed.

Westoldmehehaddroppedheroffatwork,butthatthewomanintheofficesaidsheleft
withme.Iwasn’tsurewhatwasgoingon,orwhatI’dmissed,butItoldhimtogethisass
overhere.Iwassurprisedthathe’dgottenheresofast,butIwasstillsoupsetfrom
yesterday,thattheminuteheenteredthehouse,Ipulledbackandpunchedhimdirectlyin
hislefteye.“Whatthehelldidyoudo?”Iasked,steppingtowardshim,andgrabbinghim
bythecollar.

HestartedtellingmesomeconvolutedstoryaboutsomewomannamedVanessa.
Apparentlyshewashisoldfostersister,andsheblamedhimforsomeprettynastythings
thatsheandhersisterwereputthrough.She’dalreadygoneafterhisbrotherCole,and
nowhewasworriedshe’dtakenZoe.Hepromisedmethatoncewefoundher,hewould
endit.Hewouldtellherthathecouldn’tbewithheranymore.Ilostit.Ihithimonce,
twice,threetimes.Ionlystoppedbecausehewasn’tfightingmeback.“Iaskedyoutodo
onefuckingthingWes!”Iyelled.

HetoldmeaboutafilefoldercontaininginformationaboutVanessa,andhersister.Itwas
athisnewshop,sowegotinZoe’scarandwenttheretoretrieveit.Wefoundanaddress
forVanessa’ssister,andtogether,decidedweweregoingtogetZoeback.Westoppedby
Wes’placetograbacoupleofguns,andIdecidedtoinformthepolice,butbecauseshe
wasn’tmissingfortwentyfourhours,wewereonourown.

Wepulleduptotheaddressinaswankypartoftown.Itwasequippedwithgates,that
neededcodestoenter.Wesdecidedhe’dgofirst,sinceVanessawasafterhim,andI
waited,givinghimthecoverheneeded.Iduckedinthebusheswhenthefrontdoorswung
open,whoeverwasinsidehadbeenexpectingWes,andallowedhimrightin.AllIcould
dowassit,andwait.Itookmychance,usingtheotherbushesforcover,andgotasclose
tothehouseasIcould,justincaseIneededtorushin.

Iheardasinglegunshot,butbeforeIcouldjumpup,someoneelsedid.ItwasCole,Wes’
brother,andtenorsoothermen.Theywerealldressedinblack,andtheyrushedintothe
frontdoor,gunsblazing,ItriedtocountthenumberofshotsIheard,butIwastoo
concernedaboutwhatwashappeninginside.Wasmysisterinthere?WasWesokay?
WhenIsawCole,andthesametenmenexit,Irushedinsidetakinginthescene.

Sixmen,ontheground,alltakendownwithasingleshot,directlytothehead.Zoewas
standingbesideWes,herhandsziptied,andbloodwasdrippingdownhisarm,falling
fromhisfingertips.IrushedpasttheminstructingZoetoputpressureonthewoundwhile
Ifoundsometoolsinthekitchen.Icamebackwithknives,andabowlofice.FirstIcut

Zoe’shandsfree,andsenthertograbsometowels.

“ThisisgoingtohurtlikeamotherfuckerWes,Iwon’tlie.Butifwedon’tgetthisbullet
out,you’relosingthatarm.”Isaidtakingalightertoheatthetipofoneoftheknives.
Luckily,hepassedoutbeforeIstarteddigging,andbythetimetheambulancearrived,the
bleedingwasundercontrol,andsomeofthecolorhadreturnedtohisfingers.

Weswasoutforthreedays.Hisgunshotwoundhadshiftedsomeshrapnelthatwasleft
fromapreviousinjury,andnickedanartery.Zoehadbeenathisbedsidetheentiretime,
refusingtoleave,evenwhenItoldherhe’dplannedonleavingher.Shewouldn’thearit.
He’dthrownhimselfontopofhertosaveherlife,andthatwasallthatmatteredtoher.To
behonest,itmeantalottometoo,sowhenIwalkedintohisroomtofindherlyingbeside
himonthebed,Iwasmad,butIwasn’tfurious.

“CanyougiveusaminuteZoe?”Iasked,andthankfullysheobliged.Sayingsomething
aboutgoingtofindsomecoffee.“Gladtoseeyou’refeelingbetter.”Isaid,takingthe
emptyseatbesideWes’bed.

“Thankstoyoubrother.Ifyouhadn’tbeenthere-”

“Ifyouhadn’tbeenthere,mysisterwouldbedeadrightnow.”Iinterupptedhim.“You
threwyourownGoddamnedbodydownontopofhers,andtookthebulletmeantforher
head.Notalotofpeoplewoulddothat.”

“Iloveher.”Hesaidsimply.

“Iknow.Iseethewayshelooksatyou,andyouher.I’mnotsayingI’monehundred
percentokaywiththis,butI’msayingI’lltrytobe.Just..nomushybullshitinfrontof
me,alright?”

“Deal.”

Therewereworsethings.Mysistercouldhavefalleninlovewithaserialkiller,atleastI
knewforsurenowthatmybestfriendlovedhermorethanhisownlife.Ialsoknew
somethingelse.Iwasanidiot.Ihadmissedtoomuchtimewithmysister,andafterwhat
happenedoverthispastweek,Idecidedtoputmyfamilyfirstfromnowon.Nomore
runningaway,evenifthatmeantwatchingmybestfriendkissingmybabysister.

Chapter29Now

Evie,andGabrielhadbeenonthebasewithmeforalittleoversixweeksnow,andwe
quicklyfellintoanewnormal.Shemadefastfriendswithourneighbors,andeveryone
seemedtoloveher.Gabrielhadevenmadeanewfriendwhowasaroundthesameageas
him.Mybachelorpad,wassuddenlyturnedintoaplayhouse,andIabsolutelylovedit.I
washomefromtrainingbysixeverynight,andwhileEviecookeddinner,IgaveGabehis
bath.Hebegantolookforwardtoittoo,rushingtomewhenIwalkedinthefrontdoor.

Weplayedwithboats,andsquirtguns,alwaysleavingamessonthebathroomfloor,butit
waswellworththecleanup.Hearinghislaughter,andwatchinghiseyeslightuplikehis
mother’salwayshitmerightsquareinthechest.I’djustfinishedgettinghispajamason,
andbrushinghisunrulyhair,whenEvieroundedthecornertohisbedroom.

“Who’sreadyfordinner?”Sheasked,smiling.

“Pizza!”Gabrielyelled,rushingpastme,andintothekitchen.

“I’mreadyfordessert.”Isaid,scoopingEvieupintoaprincessholdandpressingmylips
againsthers.Shelaughed,swattingatmeplayfully,untilIputherdown.“Areyouhappy
Hermosa?”Iasked,brushingmyhandagainsthercheeklightly.

“YouaskmethesamequestioneverydayJake,andmyanswerisalwaysthesame.More
thanIeverthoughtpossible.”Sheresponded,kissingmypalm,beforetakingithersand
leadingmeintothekitchen.Gabewasalreadysittinginhisboosterseat,holdinghismilk
cupinhishands.Ilaughed,rufflinghishead,beforeputtingasliceofhomemadepizzaon
aplate,andcuttingitintosmallsquaresforhim.

“Youknowyoudon’thavetodothatright?”Eviesaid,placingherhandonmyback.
“You’vebeenatworkallday,Idon’tmindbathinghim,andmakinghisdinnerplate.”

“AndI’vetoldyou.”Isaid,turningtofaceher.Reachingup,Iframedherfacewithmy
hands,andgaveheraquickpeckonthelips.“Ienjoyit.”

“You’reanamazingdaddyJake.I’msosorry,Ieverkepthimfromyou.”

“Enoughofthat.”Isaid,makingusplatesofourown,andplacingthemdownonthe
table.“Let’seat.”

Wesattogether,forthenexthalfhour,enjoyingourmealtogether.Whenwe’dfinished,
weallsatdownonthecouchtowatchalittlepawpatrol,andwhentheclockstruckeight,
EvietookGabeintohisbedroom.Shereadhimastory,andbeforehedriftedofftosleep,I
snuckintogivehimaquickkissgoodnight.

Hewasfastasleepwithinseconds,andIjoinedEvieonthecouch,pullingherintomy
side.“Howwasyourday?”Iasked.

“I’mgettingboredJake.”Shesighed,snugglingintome.“Imisswork.”

“YouwanttogobacktoSanFrancisco?”Iaskedthoughtfully,pressingakissontopofher
head.

“Luke’sgirlfriendwastellingmethattheycouldusesomehelpwithmedicaltraining.I
knowI’mnottrainedbythearmy,butmaybeIcouldvolunteermytime?Justtogetoutof

thehouseabit.SheofferedtowatchGabeafewdaysaweek.Whatdoyouthink?”

“I’llsupportwhateveryouwanttodoHermosa.Iknowbeinghere,hasn’tbeenaneasy
adjustmentforyou.”

“Ithasn’tbeenallbad.”Shesaid,rubbingherhandovermychest.“Just..different.Ihave
fourmoremonths,ifnotmorebeforemypracticewillbeready,I’djustliketocontribute
something.”

“Isthatwhatthisisabout?Youdon’tlikemetakingcareofyou?”Iasked,onlyhalf
joking.

“Youknowme.I’vealwaystakencareofmyself.It’sweird,usingyourdebitcardtobuy
shampooformyself.”Shelaughed.“Iprobablysoundcrazy.”

“I’lltalktoGeneralWyatt,andseeifthere’saplaceforyou.Inthemeantime,ifyoufeel
theneedtopaymeback..Ihaveafewideas.”Isaid,withasmirk.

“I’llbetyoudo.”Shesaid,movingfromthecrookofmyarm,tostraddlemylap.“Let’s
see,that’ssixweeksoffood,shelter,and-”

Isilencedherwithakiss,myhandsrestingonherass,givinghercheeksahardsqueeze.
Shelaughedintomymouth.“Feelfreetousekissesasamethodtoshutmeupanytime.”
Shesaid,beforereachinguptotangleherhandsinmyhair.Ourkissdeepened,andshe
begantoslowlyrockherhipsagainstmygrowingerection.Iopenedmylegswider,to
relievesomeoftherestraintmyfatigueshadcaused.“Bedroom?”Shebreathedout,
betweenkisses.

“Bedroom.”Iagreedstanding,andtakingherwithme.Herlegswrappedaroundmy
waist,andherarmsaroundmyneck,asIcarriedhertothebed.Isetherdowngently
whenIreachedit,andbeganremovingmyfatigues.Shepulledhersweateroverherhead,
andshimmiedoutofherjeans,leavingherinonlyherbraandpanties.Catchingmyeye,
shereachedbehindherbackandunclaspedherbra,tossingituncerimoniouslyatmyface.
Shequicklyfellintoafitoflaughter,andintwostrides,Iwaspressingherdownontothe
mattress.“Youthinkyourfunnyhuh?”Iteased,nippingherneckwithmyteeth,knowing
itdroveherwild.

“Hilarious.”Shesaid,onasoftmoan,pullingmyfacebackuptohers.“Nowtakeyour
boxersoff.”

Irolledtomyside,doingasIwastold,andIwatched,assheremovedherownpanties.
Thereshelay,gloriouslynaked,andentirelymine.“I’malwaysinthemoodtomakeyou
cum,Hermosa.”Igrowled,beforepullingherontopofme.Shesmiledwide,herhands
flatonmychest.“Good,becauseI’minthemood.”Shesaidbitingherlip,andguiding
meinsideofher.

Sheworkedherhips,grindingagainstme,usingmychestforleverage.Igrippedherhips,
urginghertotakemeinharder,anddeeper.Sherespondedwithamoanthatsounded
almostcarnal,soIdoubledmyefforts.Myeyeslockedonhers,asshereachedonehand
uptocupherfullbreast.Herhairwasawildtangleofcurlsaroundherface,andher
cheekswereflushwithpassion.Sherodemycocklikesheownedit,hercoreclenchingas
shecamecloser,andclosertothebrink.

“CumparamiHermosa.”(Cumforme,beautiful)Isaid,grippingherhipseventighter,
andwithinseconds,that’sexactlywhatshewasdoing,bringingmerightalongwithher.It
hadalwaysbeenthiswaywithus.Passionate,andcompletelyunbridled,andIhopedlike
hellthatitwouldalwaysbethatway.

Evielayontopofme,spent.Herlegstangledinmine,andherarmonmychest.Iheldher
close,rubbingmyhandacrossherback,occasionallygrazingherass,andgivingitalight
tap.Thiswaswhatheavenwas,layinginbedwiththewomanyouloved,knowingthatno
onecouldtakeitawayfromyou.Idon’tknowhowIsurvivedthesepastfewyears
withouther.HavingherbackinmylifeagainwasallthatIevercouldhavehopedfor.
Andthatwasmylastthoughtbeforefallingasleepthatnight.

WhenIwokethenextmorningtothesoundofmyalarm,Iquicklysilencedit,asnotto
wakeEvie.Shewaslayingonherstomach,herhairsplayedacrossherpillow.Icouldn’t
helpbutstareatherforamoment,beforesneakingoutofbedtogetintotheshower.I’d
beentryingtolethersleepinsincethedayshemovedin,butshesaidthebedfeltcold,
andemptywithoutmeinit.Iknewthefeelingalltoowell,andeventhoughIknewshe
lovedme,andweweremovingforward,Istillhadthatfear.

Ihadjustrinsedtheshampoofrommyhair,whenIheardthebathroomdoorclickopen.A
fewsecondslater,Eviewasslippingintotheshowerbehindme.Shepressedherhandson
myback,andranthemdownuntilshefoundmyhips.Shereachedaroundmethen,her
slickhandsgrippingmyerection.“Goodmorning.”Isaid,attemptingtoturn,andfaceher.

“Mmmmmm.”Shesaid,usingonehandtokeepmeinplace,andtheothertobegin
strokingme.“I’mmakingupforlosttime.”

“Metoo.”Isaidoverpoweringher,andturningtofaceher.Inoneswiftmotion,Ipicked
herup,andpressedherbackagainstthecooltile,slippinginsideofhereffortlessly.“Ilove
youHermosa.”Iwhisperedagainstherlips,asIpusheddeepinsideofher.

“Iloveyoutoo.”Shesaid,hervoicehitchingasIslidin,andoutofher.Everythrustof
myhipsbroughtmedeeper,anddeeperintoherfolds.Icouldfeelherwallsbeginto
tightenaroundme,andIworkedmyhipsharder.Grindingagainstherharder,andfaster
searchingforthereleasethatwebothsodesperatelyneeded.Herhandstuggedatmyhair,
andIbentmyheadtonipherneck.Thatwasallsheneededtolosecontrol,andasshe
spasmedaroundme,myownreleasewasinevitable.Sheletoutalongblissfulsigh,a
smilespreadingwideacrossherface.“Haveagooddayatwork.”Shesaidlaughing
softly,andonlystoppingwhenmylipscapturedhers.

Ididhaveagooddayatwork.Ofcourse,alotofthatwasthankstoEvie.But,itwasalso
thankstoGeneralWyatt.WhenIapproachedhimaboutsomekindoftrainingpositionfor
Evie,hewasapprehensiveatfirst.But,whenIexplainedoursituation,andinformedhim
thatIwasn’tplanningonreenlistingattheendofmyIRR,heofferedmesomething
different.IwantedtocallEvietheminutethatheaskedme,butIalsowantedtotellher
thenewsinperson.

Iwalkedintothefrontdoor,whereGabrielrantogreetme.“Hidaddy,chickennoodle
soup!”Heyelled,informingmeoftonight’sdinner.

“Heybuddy.Where’syourmama?”Iasked,glancingaroundthesmallspace,andnot

seeingher.ScoopingGabeup,Iputhiminhisboosterchair,andmadehimabowlof
soup.Itwasprettyhot,soIsetitonthecountertocool,andgavehimasliceofcornbread
tokeephimbusy.“Evie?”Icalledout,asIwalkedintoourbedroom.

Ifoundherkneedeepinapileofclothesinthecloset.Icoveredmymouth,tryingnotto
laugh,asIwatchedhersteppingoverpiles,andattemptingtoclimbout.“What
happened?”Iasked,stillstiflingmylaughter.

“Iwasputtingclothesaway,andthewholedamnshelffelloffthewall!”Shesaid,witha
mixtureofanger,anddisbelief.

“Well,youdohavealotofclothes.”Iteased.

Shestarredmedownwithhermostevil;evileye,andIputmyhandsup.“I’msorry
Hermosa.”Igrinned.“WoulditmakeyoufeelanybetterifItoldyouIhadsomegood
news?”

“Maybe.”Shesaid,allowingmetohelpheroutofthecloset.

“WhatifItoldyouwecouldmovebacktoSanFranciscoinsixweeks?Forgood.”

“What?How?”Sheasked,theexcitementevidentinhervoice.

“IwenttoGeneralWyatttoaskaboutfindingyouaposition,andIexplainedtohimthat
afterIRRIwouldn’tbereturning.Hewasupsetatfirst,butafteralongtalkheofferedme
apositioninstead.”

“Whatkindofposition?”

“Hewantsmetoruntherecruitingoffice.Gotothelocalhighschools,giveafew
speeches,andfindhimmoresoldiers.HesaysIhavegoodinsticts,andIcouldreally
makeanimpactonkidslives,especiallytheonesinterestedinspecialops.IfIaccept,we
canbebackhome,inourhomebyChristmas.”

“Isthatwhatyouwant?Toworkinarecruitingoffice?”Sheasked,theexcitementfrom
hereyes,fadingalittle.

“Let’sgohomeHermosa.”Isaid,reachingforherhand.Iranmythumboverherring.
“Let’sgohome,andlet’sgetmarried.”

Chapter30TwomonthsLater

“Gabe!Comeonhoney,AuntZoe,andUncleWesarewaitingforus!Don’tyouwantto
seeyourChristmaspresents?”Evieasked,inanattempttoconvinceGabrieltowearhis
suspendersshe’dboughthim.Ididn’tblamethekid,suspenderswerenotcomfortable,
andtobeholdingpantsupthatdon’tneeditjustsoundedlikeapainintheasstome.

“Hermosa,let’sjusttakethesuspenderswithusalright?Wecanputthemonwhenweget
there.”

“NoJake,ittakesawayfromthewholeoutfitifhedoesn’thavethemon.”Shewined.

“It’sjustWes,andZoe.Theywon’tcareifhe’sinhisbirthdaysuit,theyjustwanttoeat.”

“It’sourfirstholidayasafamily,andIwanttomakeagoodimpression.”

“Gabriel.Ineedyoutoletmommyputtherestofyourclothesonok?”

“Why?”Heasked,stickingouthisbottomlip,andmakingitquiver.

“BecauseI’myourdaddy,andIsaidso.”

“You’remean!”Hesaid,stompingovertoEvie,andallowinghertoclipthesuspenders
on.

Shemouthedthewords“thankyou”overhisshoulder,andgavemeasmile.Ishothera
wink,andtossedtherestofGabe’sthingsintohisbag.Wewerepottytraining.Ithought
thebagswouldgetlighterashegotolder,turnsoutIwaswrong.Sixteenoutfits,and
enoughunderweartoclotheanelementaryschoollater,andwewerereadytoroll.

ThedrivetoWes,andZoe’splacewasonlyabouttwentyminutes,whichmeantGabriel
shouldstayawake,ensuringhe’dactuallysleeptonight.Ittookhimawhiletogetusedto
havingabedroomupstairs.ThefirstfewweekswewerebackinSanFransciscohe’donly
sleepdownstairsonthecouch.Hethoughttheupstairswassomeoneelse’shouse.Oncehe
realizedhehadhisowntoyroomthough,hebegantowanderaroundmoreoften.

Whenwepulledintothedriveway,IrecognizedCole’scarimmediately.Wehadn’treally
spokensincetheincidentatHarper’sHouse,soIhopeditwouldn’tbeawkward.Evie
carriedGabe,andhisbaginwhileIgrabbedthepresentsfromthetrunk.Ialsohada
bottleofscotchtuckedintomymywaistband,justincase.

EviesetGabedowntolethimringthedoorbell.Inafewsecondsthedooropenedwide.
“Baby!”Heyelled,wrappinghisarmsaroundmysister’sgrowingbelly.Shewasjust
aboutfourmonthsalongnow,andwithherpetiteframeshewasreallystartingtoshow.

“Heysweetboy!”Shecooed,pickinghimupinherarms,andsteppingasidesoEvie,and
Icouldenter.

“Zoe!”Wesyelledfromacrosstheroom.“Becarefulliftinghim.”Headded,with
concern.

“HeweighsalloftwelvepoundsWes,I’mfine.”Sheassuredhim.“Besides,hehassome
presentstoopen.”SheaddedinanoverexaggeratedvoicetoexciteGabriel.“Waituntil
youseewhatUncleWes,andIgotforyou.”

“AndUncleCole!”Colechimedinfromthekitchen,beforestuffingadeviledeggintohis
mouth.

“FuckyouCole!”Wes,andIsaidatthesametime,directlyfollowedbyEvie,andZoe’s
simultaneous“Language!”

ZoesetGabedown,andgotdownonherkneestopullboxesfromunderthetree.I
watchedasshepulledoutone,afteranother,countingasshewent.Ifinallystoppedat
fourteen.“Ihopethosearen’tallGabriel’s.”Isaid.

“Notallofthem.”Shesmiled.“One’sforyou,andEvie.”

“Tedijequenopasarasabordo”(Itoldyounottogooverboard)Isaid.

“Elesmisobrino.Loconsentiresiquiero!.”(He’smynephew.I’llspoilhimifIwantto)
Sheshotback.

“WelcometotheCruzfamilyChristmas.”Wessaid.“WheretheyargueinSpanish,and
youjustsitbackanddrinkeverytimeyouhearacussword.”

“Wedon’tspeakSpanish.”Colesaid,wrappinghisarmaroundHarper’swaist.“Howdo
weknowwhentodrink?”

“That’sthebestpart.Ifyoudon’tknow,justguess.”Hesaid,tippingbackhisbeerbottle
anddrainingit.

“Iliketheserules.”Colesaid,tossingbackhisowndrink.

“Canwegetbacktotheimportantpartnow?”Zoeasked,helpingGabrieltearopen
anotherpresent.“Uncle’sanddaddyneedtofindsometoolssoyoucanplaywithyour
newtoys,rightbuddy?”

“Newtoys!”Hesaid,clappinghishands.“Daddy,newtoys!”

IgaveZoethestinkeye,knowingtherewasnowayinhellIwasgettingoutofputtingall
thesetoystogethernow.Evie,hadfoundherwayintothekitchen,andwashavingwhat
appearedtobeaverydeepconversationwithHarper.Coleseemedtoreallylikeher,Ijust
hopedshewouldn’tendupcausinganyproblemsforanyonethatIloved.Wehadallbeen
throughenough,andwewerejuststartingtofeelnormalagain.Thelastthingweneeded
todealwithwasHarper’scrazyasssister.ThankGodshewaslockedawayinprison
whereshebelonged.

Wes,Cole,andIspentthenexthourputtingtoystogether,whilethegirlsfinishedupthe
cooking.Itsmelledamazing,andImystomachwastellingmethatifIhadtowaitmuch
longer,I’dbeorderingapizza.Weallsataroundthelargetable,withourplatesstacked
high,ready,andwaitingtodigin,whenHarperclearedherthroat.

“DoyoumindifIsaygrace?”Sheaskedshyly.Whenweallencouragedher,shecleared
herthroatonceagain.“Heavenlyfather,pleaseblessthefoodbeforeus,thefamilybeside
us,andthelovebetweenus.”

Afterouramenseveryonedugin,fallingintoeasyconversation.Thewine,andfood
flowedfreely,andwhenwe’dfinallyfinishedwecouldbarelymove.Wes,andIofferedto
dothedishes,allowingZoetoputherfeetup.IcouldtellalreadythatWeswasgoingto
beoneofthosehusbands.Constantlyfussingoverhispregnantwife,makingsurethatshe

didn’tdotoomuch.Iwasgladthough,Zoedeservedtobetakencareof.

IpassedWestheplatethatI’djustrinsed,sothathecoulddryit.“What’sitlikehaving
Harperhere?”Iasked.

Heshrugged,placingtheplatebackintothecupboard.“Shebarelyremembersme.Infact,
shedoesn’tremembermuchatallfromthattime.It’sprobablybetterthatwaythough.I
knowit’sweird,aftereverythinghersisterdidtoCole,andZoe,butIhavetoremind
myselfthatsheisn’tVanessa.Ican’tblameherforsister’ssins.”

Inoddedinunderstanding,passinghimthefinalplatetodry.Whenwe’dfinishedourpart,
wejoinedtheother’sinthelivingroom.Evie,andZoeweresittingonthefloorplaying
withGabriel,andCole,andHarpersatinfrontofthefireplacewhisperingintently.We
wereanoddbunch,buttogetherwehadformedafamily.Afamilywehadchosen,and
sometimesthatwasbetterthanblood.

IreachedforEvie’shand,pullingheruptostandbesideme.“Youready?”Iaskedher,
givingherhandatightsqueeze.Shenodded,soIclearedmythroat,catchingeveryone’s
attention.“Guys,Ijustwanttosaysomethingrealquick.Thepastfouryears,havebeen
roughforme.IthoughtthatIhadforgottenwhathappinesswas,butthenthisamazing
woman,camebackintomylifewhenIdidn’tevenknowthatIneededher.IknewwhenI
wasseventeen,andIknownow.EvieCruzwasmeanttobemywife.”

“Wait?Cruz?”Zoeasked,noticingmyslipup.

“We’remarried!”Eviesaidexcitedly.

“Congratsman!”Wessaid,pullingmeinforahug,andslappingmeonmyback.“Howin
thehelldidyoukeepthisfromZoe?”Helaughed,whenhepulledaway.

“Lies.Lots,andlots,oflies.”Ijoked,catchingmysister’seye,andnotingthatshewas
crying.“Venaquihermana.”(Comeheresister.)Isaidsoftly,asIpulledheragainstme.
“YanotienesquepreocupartemasEstoyfeliz.Estoybien.”(Youdon’thavetoworry
anymore.I’mhappy.I’mok.)

“Noestoypreocupado.Estoyfeliz.”(I’mnotworried.I’mhappy.)Shesaid,kissingmeon
thecheek.“Felicidadeshermano.”(Congratulationsbrother.)

IheldEvie’shandonthedrivehomethatnight,gratefulformyfamily,andforournew
livestogether.Gabrielwasfastasleepinhiscarseat,whenwepulledintothedriveway,so
Icarefullycarriedhissleepingformupthestairsandtuckedhimintohisbed.WhenI
returneddownstairs,IfoundEviestandinginthekitchenstarringoutthepatiodoors.

“AreyouhappyHermosa?”IaskedjustlikeIalwaysdid,andshereplied,justlikeshe
alwaysdid.“More,thanIeverthoughtpossible.”

Smiling,Itookherhand,andledherupthestairs.Whenwereachedthebedroom,Ipulled
myphonefrommypockettoplugitinforthenight.Inoticedthreemissedcalls,anda
text,andtheywereallfromWes.Thetextsaiditwasurgent,soIdialedhimback,worried
itmayhavehadsomethingtodowithZoe.Heansweredonthefirstring.“What’sgoing
onWes?IsisZoe?Iseverythingok?”Iasked,worried.

“Zoe’sfine.”Hesaid,takingadeepbreath.“It’sVanessaBlue.She’sescaped.”