As It Unfolds by Stavanger

Storyid: 4572812
FanFiction.net
Name: As it Unfolds
Author: stavanger1
Chapter 1 to 22

As it Unfolds by stavanger1
Summary: Do you ever wonder what brought you to this place? You know, where you are today? Edward
and Bella thought about it and decided to share their story of how he found and saved her. He showed
her love and she greedily drank it in. She told him her secrets and he supported her. He showed her how
when true love brings two people together, nothing can break them apart.

into my arms and carried her to a bench under a tree.

As I gazed upon her I couldn't keep the involuntary shivers at bay. She was beautiful. She had
shoulder length brown hair, so soft to the touch. Her face was a little rounder than some, and her
eyes, although closed, seemed to be big and inviting. Thick lashes surrounded them and she wore
only a smidgen of mascara. Her lips were parted slightly and they were full and pink and looked
like the softest satin.

Finally she stirred and opened her eyes. She didn't seem too shocked laying in some strangers
arms. In fact, she smiled a little coyly and the most alluring red blush stained her cheeks. Huh?
That's different.

―I'm so, so sorry,‖ she breathed. ―I can't believe I smacked into you like that. I wasn't really
looking where I was going. I'm late for work and-‖

I didn't let her finish the sentence but gently placed my finger over her lips to shush her.

―It's okay pretty lady. I'm just fine, though the same can't be said for you. Are you ok? And how
are you not freaked out right now, waking up in some strangers‘ arms?‖ I can't believe this girl.
Does she have no sense of self preservation?

She pushed herself out of my arms and moved to sit next to me. I can't even begin to describe the
intense feeling of longing I felt at the loss of her in my arms. What the hell? I've never had
intense feelings like this before, especially over someone I don‘t even know.

―Ummm, yeah...so this actually happens to me frequently if you can believe that,‖ she laughed
while brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Oh, to be the one doing that right now--what?
What am I thinking? Focus on the pretty face, with the full lips and the--STOP! Now, FOCUS!

―I'm super clumsy. I was born and raised clumsy,‖ her adorable blush returning as she explained.
―Most of the time I get knocked out so I'm quite used to this. Except I've never actually ran into
someone like that before. That's a new one for the lists. Emmett is going to love that one,‖ she
trailed of more to herself.

―As for waking up in your arms? I'm not sure but somehow I just felt safe. I knew I was being
protected.‖ Could she get any more attractive? I've never been so infatuated by someone before,
least of all with someone whose name I don't even know.

―So, umm, what's your name then pretty lady? I'm Edward and I just moved here from over
seas,‖ I offered as I pulled my coat a little tighter. The wind really was chilly today.

―Oh, yeah, I'm Bella. I've lived here for the last 4 years. After graduating college I decided to
stick around and look for a job here. So…anyway...that's me!‖ she trailed off with a nervous
laugh.

Bella, now that is a name fitted for a beauty, and she sure was a stunning beauty.

―Where do you work?‖ I asked, while checking my time. I hope Jasper is still around.

―Oh, just right around the corner at the little Inn. I guess it's a bed and breakfast. I'm their
receptionist.‖

She got up from the bench and turned to me.

―It was nice meeting you Edward, and I really am sorry for running into you like that. And I
thank you for keeping me safe.‖ She offered me a genuine smile and I felt my stomach flutter.

She turned to leave and I just knew I couldn't let her leave without at least trying for another
more conventional meeting.

―Hey, Bella, wait up for a minute,‖ I said as I grabbed her wrist. She turned and looked a little
startled, but composed her features fairly quickly.

―So, I'm new to this area and the only other person I know is a guy that I know from back home.
Would you mind getting together and you could maybe show me around? Show me the best
places to visit?‖

She didn't even hesitate when giving me a quick ―yes‖. She scribbled her number on a piece of
paper and told me to meet her at the bench at 10 tomorrow morning and then she was off to the
Inn.

I wonder if she will affect any of the patrons there as greatly as she has affected me.

BPOV

Oh my freaking crap but he was hot. And of course I have a typical Bella moment. I'm beyond
mortified right now.

Never in my 25 years have I ever seen such perfection. He was not as tall as some, but to me he
was just right. His features were stronger than on other guys his age. His angles were a little
sharper than most and his nose a little bigger. His lips were full and when he smiled at me, one
side pulled up slightly higher than the other. His eyes were wide, big and bright. The color
reminded me of a field after rain, sparkly and green. Of course to me his best features were his
amazing hands. Not too big, not too small, just right. They were muscular and strong, and fit
perfect with my own. At least they looked like they would. His shoulders were broad and he
looked like the type to be working out, but I didn't really get a good look seeing as this stupid
weather makes it vital to cover up.

Hopefully in another couple of months it'll be warm enough to ditch the annoying Eskimo
clothes. Ok, so they're not actually Eskimo clothes, just really thick jackets and sweaters, but
still. Too freaking annoying.

I was beyond surprised when he asked me to show him around. What did that mean? Was he
somewhat interested? No, that can't be it. I'm no Heidi Klum but then again I'm no PAT the
gender confused 'it' either. Of course I jumped on that wagon as soon as he suggested it. Heaven
only knows I'm desperate for some male friendship courtesy of myself and not some pity blind
date set up by Alice or Rose.

Oh, yeah, Alice and Rose. They are going to pee their pants when I tell them about what
happened to me today. I can hear the squealing now.

My last thought before I clocked in at the Inn contained only one word:

Edward….

EPOV

I made it to my friend‘s apartment just in time to catch Jasper before he left.

―Hey man, how was the walk? See anything fancy?‖ he asked while tying his shoes.

―Yeah, dude. It was great. I actually met this really ―fancy‖ (I even did air quotation marks) girl.
She ran smack into my chest and knocked herself out cold. She was beautiful, man. She's
meeting with me tomorrow morning to show me around,‖ I finished as I made my way to the
kitchen for a quick drink.

―Well, that's different. Was she hot?‖ Was she hot? She was freaking goddess divine.

―Yes Jasper, she was hot and cute and beautiful and all of the above. I think I'm crushing a little.
Hope she's not an airhead like someone else I used to know,‖ I said as I fell into the couch
cushion.

―If you're talking about Anne from back home, then yeah, I hope so for your sake too. Man she
was a handful. You couldn't even keep an intelligent convo with her. Why were you even with
her? It's not like you had anything in common. You were never overly intimate with her either.
Did she even kiss well?‖

Ah…Anne. One of the worst relationships I have ever had. At least that was last year and as
Jasper said, I never went 'all the way' with her because I was committed to save that for someone
I would love for the rest of time. You can laugh, but I really did value physical intimacy as
something more than a quick fix. It was my choice and I'd stick to it. Besides, she was an
airhead…

―Well, I'm off to get Alice from work and then we're going to get some dinner,‖ Jasper said as he
made his way back into the entryway.

―Emmett and Rose and Alice‘s' room mate will be over later tonight for a movie. I know you just
got in last night and you probably have jet lag and all but I really want you to meet these guys.

They‘re genuine people and tons of fun; a family away from home.‖

He was rambling; probably worried I'd be upset he wanted to have a movie party.

―Hey man, I'm up for whatever. Just don't push me on this room mate, ok? I really want to test
the waters with the girl I met and that is not open for discussion, ok?‖ I did NOT want to be
pushed together with some girl just because we were the only non-couple-y…couple.

―That's fine dude. I'll tell Alice to lay off. Knowing her she'll scheme for you both but I'll try my
best to rein her in. See ya later.‖

Knowing I wasn't going to get a whole lot of sleep tonight seeing as we were having guests over,
I decided to take a nap.

As I drifted off to sleep I was conscious of only one word:

Bella….

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Chapter: 2

Chapter 2

―Hey Bella, sorry I‘m late. You won‘t believe how my teacher just goes on and on about
nothing.‖

―Hi Ange. It‘s all good. I know, Professor Demitri right? He‘s always been like that. I had him
my second and third year and I was always late because he never knew when to shut up,‖ I
answered as I finished the log for my shift.

―I‘ll see you later. I‘m going home to hang with my girl and then we‘re doing movie night with
the boys later,‖ I told her as I clocked out.

―Okay, have fun and don‘t do anything I wouldn‘t do,‖ she said as she winked at me.

―That leaves me pretty open for anything. Thanks chica,‖ I replied going out the door.

Getting home, the first thing I did was grab a bottle of water from the fridge and then I threw
myself on the couch.

―Alice, are you here?‖ I know she was having dinner with Jasper today, but she should be back

by now.

―Yeah! In the bathroom. Give me a sec babe.‖

―Ok, my sprite,‖ I chuckled to myself. Seriously, Alice is the perfect example of a sprite. Not
standing taller than 4 feet 11 inches on a good day, petite as can be, with short and spiky, black
hair. She‘s feisty as hell and mischievous to the T. She's the epitome of all that encompasses the
word sprite. She might be annoying sometimes but I love her like no other. She‘s my own little
fortune telling sprite.

―So Bells,‖ she said while sitting down and putting my head in her lap.

―What has you so chipper this evening?‖

―How do you know I‘m chipper?‖ I asked, narrowing my eyes in a teasing way.

She rolled her eyes at that.

―Please. I‘m Alice. I know everything.‖

I laughed out loud. She had me there. I started panicking, wondering if I should tell her about
Edward, but then I found the words coming out of my mouth before I could stop them.

―Ummm, well….. ImetthehottestguyevertodayandI‘mshowinghimaroundtomorrow.‖

I was so excited, picturing Edward‘s face; it came out as a blubbering mumble. I knew she
caught on when she arched her eyebrow. I could see the wheels turning behind her eyes.

―Seriously Al, I‘m starting to wonder when the smoke‘s gonna come out your ears. What are you
thinking up now? And please, for the love of all that is Holy, let‘s not get me involved. Please?‖
I knew begging was futile but I still couldn‘t help but try. You never know, today might be my
lucky day!

―Bella, Bella, Bella!!!!! Why must you think I‘m always scheming away?‖ she said with a
faraway look in her eyes.

―Well, that look right there tells me all I need to know,‖ I told her pinching her cheek. I sat up
and faced her.

―So, did you want to learn about The Close Encounter of the Third Kind I had today, or what?‖ I
asked her, trying really hard not to seem too giddy.

―Yes, yes, and don‘t leave anything out.‖

I started telling her about how I was late for work again because my stupid computer decided to
freeze up and I had to reboot it. When I got to the part where I ran into Edward, she started

laughing so hard she had tears rolling down her cheek. She had to rush to the bathroom so she
didn‘t pee her pants.

―You….you actually ran right into him and knocked yourself out?‖ she was still chuckling to
herself.

―How she is still alive I will never figure out. The luck that girl has…‖ she finished mostly to
herself. I chose to ignore this quip knowing it was a wasted effort arguing about this.

She mutters this same thing to herself every time something happens. It‘s like she made me a
slogan and all we need now is to mount a flashing neon sign in front of the house so everyone
could see it. Ah, the hilarity I assure you is beyond amusing!

―Anyway…yes, I did because I didn‘t look where I was going. Don‘t. Say. A. Word.‖ I finished
because she was laughing to herself again muttering things like ―oblivious‖, and ―walking
disaster‖, and ―should have been born a blond‖. This last one was a little bit offensive.

―I woke up in his arms on a bench under a tree. Al, I can‘t even explain to you how amazingly
gorgeous he is. There aren‘t words. There‘s just something about him I can‘t pinpoint, but it
makes me feel…I don‘t know. When I looked up and saw his eyes I could have dived in them
and settled down never wanting for anything,‖ I sighed.

―Wow Bells, aren‘t you the dramatic one today.‖ She lightly smacked my forehead.

―I know, I know, but hot dang he‘s a nice piece of eye candy Al,‖ I said ducking my head
embarrassed at how cheesy I sounded yet surprised I didn‘t care.

I finished telling her about my impromptu meeting with Edward and told her I‘d be meeting him
tomorrow at 10 at the same bench under the tree. She shrieked and bounced up and down
clapping her hands. She sounded like a howler monkey.

―Al, I know that sound. If you know what‘s good for you, you‘ll stay out of it. I wanna do this on
my own.‖ I threatened.

She puppy dog eyed me and pouted.

―No, Al, I need to do this on my own. I need to know for myself not everyone is like Alec,‖ I
trailed off. I know it was low, even for me, to bring that up, but I didn‘t care. She needed to stay
out of this.

―Oh, and Alice? Before I forget. I really wanna see if maybe there could be something with this
guy so please, please, triple please, don‘t push me on Jaspers room mate from back home. I‘m
not interested. Got it?‖

―But-‖

―No, I‘m serious or there will be no Bella shopping for a whole month!‖

―You speak blasphemy Bella Swan. I will get you for this,‖ she said and stomped of to her room.

I made my way to my own room getting ready for our weekly movie night. We‘ve been doing it
for the last 4 years only missing a handful of times.

Knowing we‘d be up late I decided to wear my pink fleece pajama bottoms with a tight fitting
long sleeved tiny tee, and my fluffy pink slippers. Throwing my hair in a high ponytail, I threw
my hoodie on and went to stand by the front door waiting for Alice.

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Chapter: 3

Chapter 3

BANG

BANG

BANG

What the crap?

―Edward! The gang'll be here in a few. Get your hinny out here.‖ Jasper yelled from outside my
door.

Ah, well that explains all the plaster from the ceiling now currently residing in my hair.

―Yeah, I'm up, I'm up. But Jazz? Don't ever call my ass a hinny again. What are you? A dandy?‖
I laughed to myself.

Knowing I only had a few minutes to get ready I threw on a pair of green fleece pajama bottoms
and a white, tight fitting tee. My hair was even more unruly than normal because of my nap, but I
decided I didn't care. Brushing the plaster out of it I left, it standing all over the place.

Not like I'm trying to impress anyone, right? Right! Man up Edward! Let‘s get this show on the
road!

I slipped on some slippers and made my way into the front room.

―Hey man.‖ I said to Jasper. ―Don't forget what I said about keeping out of my business. No
pushing towards the roommate, got it?‖

―Got it.‖ He replied, bringing some cokes, chips and gummy bears and sour patch kids to the
coffee table.

―Gummy bears Jazz?‖ I chuckled ―What are we, 5?‖

―Don't diss on the gummy bears. Besides, they're Alice‘s favorites; she can't have a movie
without them.‖

―Looks like a munchies party.‖ I mused eying the junk food.

―Yeah, we've been doing this every Thursday for the last 4 years.‖ He said putting some bowls
and a roll of paper towels down.

―It's a tradition of sorts. We started doing it when we all met the first week of our freshman year.
We somehow just banded together and decided we needed to do something low key to kind of
break the ice and Alice, the little future seeing sprite, informed us all that watching a movie
would be the best way to go. So we did just that, and have been doing it ever since only missing
a handful of days.‖

Come to think of it I remember Jasper mentioning it before but I just never realized how
seriously they took it. But hey, movies are cool, so I'm good.

―That's cool. What are we watching tonight?‖ I asked him sitting down on the couch.

―Umm.... right..... Well, its Alice‘s room mates turn tonight and we never really know what she'll
choose‖ he said sitting in the Love Sack across the couch. ―Last time she chose we watched The
Trekkie Movie, the scariest movie known to man. Scared the crap out of all of us except her, she
thought it was the funniest movie ever‖

Trekkie Movie? …Oh. Oh! I remember that one. Where all the Star Trek people meet at
conventions and stuff. They follow people around to see how being a Star Trek Nazi interferes
with real life. Who knew there were people out there actually dressing up as a Klingon going to
work?

―That's kind of cool actually‖ I told him while shaking of the slight chill I just got. Hmm....
weird! ―I've seen that movie too and I thought it was hilarious that people walk around actually
speaking Klingon to each other and dressing the part while actually doing everyday things.‖

―Yeah, well, maybe you'll just get along perfectly with her then.‖ he glared at me getting up and
moving into the kitchen to grab who knows what.

―Edward, turn on some music will you?‖ He yelled from the kitchen.

I moved over to the stereo and searched through the stacks of CD's but didn't find anything that
actually caught my interest. I made my way to my bedroom knowing exactly what to play for
Jasper. He'd get a kick out of it, I hoped, seeing as how it reminded us both of our senior year at
the American school back home. Reaching into my CD case, I grabbed my 80's compilation. It's
actually one I burned while Jasper and I were still in high school. I believed it then, and still do.
Nothing beats 80's music.

Making my way back to the front room I was twirling the disk on my finger when I heard a voice
ask

―Don't you agree Jazz?‖ Ah, must be Alice I thought to myself.

―No, don't answer that Jazz.‖ a different, yet somewhat familiar voice sneered. ―I'm comfy and
warm and I don't care what you say Al. Just drop it.‖ the voice continued, soft footsteps moving
in my direction. Still keeping my eyes on the twirling disk I didn't notice the owner of the voice
until it was too late.

SMACK

Some one crashed into my chest for the second time today and a sense of déjà vu came over me.
My arms shot out and wrapped around a small petite waist, preventing the person from falling
over.

―Crap! I'm so, so sorry...‖ the voice trailed off, the owner raising their head. What I saw made
my breath leave me in a long, harsh whoosh.

It was Bella from earlier, and from the looks of it she recognized me as well. I did a little happy
dance inside while keeping my cool on the outside.

―Seems like this is a regular occurrence for you pretty lady.‖ I smirked, looking straight into
those deep pools of brown.

―Oh...Edward? I'm so sorry! What are you doing here? In your pajamas? You‘re Jaspers new
room mate?‖ a beautiful blush stained her cheeks, growing in intensity as she spoke.

―Yep. Let me guess? You're Alice‘s room mate, aren't you?‖ I asked while still maintaining my
grip on her waist. She nodded.

―Umm...Edward?‖

―Yes?‖

―You can let go now?‖ It came out almost like a question. She lowered her head looking down at
my arms.

―Of course pretty lady. Just wanted to make sure you weren't going to pass out on me again.‖ I

told her as I slowly brought my arms away from her waist, the disk still miraculously on my
finger.

I couldn't help but marvel at how perfectly she fit in my arms. Like she was molded to fit me.
Like a well tailored glove.

Even dressed in simple pajamas she was stunningly beautiful. She had curves in all the right
places; it was easy to see even with her sweatshirt on. Besides, it was hard not to notice with her
pressed up against me like she had been.

―So, yeah...I'm gonna keep on moving in this direction until I find the whole that opens up into
the pit of despair. Maybe it'll swallow me whole.‖ Bella mumbled to herself, moving in the
direction of the bathroom.

I don't think she knew I heard her so I decided to let it go, although I was chuckling to myself as
I moved in to the front room, wearing the most ridiculous grin.

―So I was thinking we...wow, what happened? What's got you grinning like an idiot?‖ Alice
asked me from the hallway.

I turned to her having already loaded the CD, Europe‘s Final Countdown playing in the back
ground.

―I'm just thinking. I met your room mate.‖

―You did? What did she do?‖ she must have noticed my poorly concealed smile as I mentioned
meeting Bella.

―Well, she crashed in to me...again!‖ I couldn't for the life of me stop the laughter from rolling
out.

―Wait, you're the guy she ran into this morning, knocking herself out? What are the odds.‖ she
finished mostly to herself.

―Jazz, get your cute self in here. You have to hear this.‖ she yelled while laughing.

―What? What's so funny?‖

I told him what happened this morning and then what happened again just now and when I told
him it was the same person he busted out laughing so hard he had to hold onto the back of the
couch to keep from falling.

―She wasn't kidding when she mentioned it happens all the time. Her being clumsy and falling I
mean.‖

I plopped down on the couch, humming along to the chorus.

―No joke!‖ Alice said sitting on the edge of the table. ―I could write a whole saga on Bella and
her clumsiness.‖ she laughed

―What about Bella and her clumsiness?‖ said the beautiful girl I was desperate to get to know
better.

―Just telling Edward here how I could write a whole saga about you and your clumsiness.‖ Alice
said. Then she raised an eye brow, giving an evil little smile in Bella‘s direction.

―So, Edward tells us you met earlier today?‖

―Ummm...so, ehh.... yeah....‖ Bella was stuttering like crazy, getting more and more
uncomfortable under Alice‘s scrutinizing glare.

I took it upon my self to save the damsel in distress once again. Standing up I moved towards
Bella

―So, you're supposed to choose the movie tonight, aren't you?‖ I asked her.

―Nice save Edward‖ Alice said from behind me, ―you‘ve only prolonged the agony, not made it
go away. We'll talk about this later Bella‖ she finished.

Bella visibly flinched and then blushed again before turning her attention to me.

―Yes, I am supposed to chose the movie tonight, however, since you're new to our little tradition,
how about you chose the movie tonight?‖ she said as she took my hand and lead me to the DVD
tower, or should I say wall. There were two book cases next to each other full of movies. I can't
believe I missed this before. Yeah, I could. I was dead on my feet traveling for almost 24 hours
straight. No wonder I hadn't noticed.

I held onto Bella‘s hand as I perused the movie selections at hand. Then I found it, the most
perfect movie of all. Well, not of all, but it was one me and Jasper had watched a lot growing up.

―Jasper! You lead a 15 year old boy into his grave‖ I said

―And the rest of us, straight to Hell.‖ he finished.

―It's been forever since I've seen this movie. Awesome choice man.‖ He said coming over to give
me a high 5. ―And now we wait for Emmett and Rosalie. They tend to run late, but should be
here soon‖

All three of them looked at each other and laughed.

―Don't worry, you'll see for yourself soon‖

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Chapter: 4

Chapter 4

I can't even begin to tell you my mortification over crashing into that hot piece of man flesh
named Edward. I can't believe I did it twice in one day. The universe is not on my side today.
Although to be fair, it never has been.

Like the time I went swimming with my friends at the local pool and my swimsuit
malfunctioned. And when I say malfunctioned It's more like it came apart at the seams, more
specifically the seams providing coverage for my lower half. It's like the seams disintegrated in
the over processed water, and the suit came up in the front and in back. I had to grab the pieces
and hold them together between my legs while Alice went to the lifeguard on duty and they got
me a towel to wrap around myself. Bless my friends for trying to not laugh at me. The word
TRYING being the key word. I awkwardly made it up the ladder in the pool and then ran as fast
as my little prune legs would carry me into the locker room. Needless to say I've never put foot
in THAT pool again, and I never will. Although, that incident did teach me a valuable lesson.
Always wear a one piece. ALWAYS!!

Alice still thinks I overreacted to the whole incident, but I'd like to see her be exposed like that in
front of her friends and gross old speedo men and then see how she felt about me ―overreacting‖.
Seriously, what's wrong with going swimming in a t-shirt and long shorts? I did eventually go
back to swimsuits, but only after I spent a butt load of money on one guaranteed not to come
apart. Although how they can guarantee that I don't know. I mean, it's not like my old one had a
sign saying ―Look out for seam disintegration in water‖. Sure it was old, but still!

But I digress, my thoughts running away with me again.

It was sweet of Edward to try and save me from embarrassment from Alice by asking me about
the movie I was going to choose. It's not like he knew Alice always got her agenda done, come
rain or sleet or hail or snow. She was serious when she said we'd talk about it later, and that is
ONE convo I'd be happy to not have anytime soon.

I could feel myself blushing that cursed red when he took my hand, but it felt pleasantly nice. His
touch was very soothing and calming. I was surprised when he chose ―Young Guns 2‖ as our
movie for the night. It's one of my faves, and I haven't seen it in a very long time. Hearing him
quote Kiefer Sutherland like that was a mayor turn on.

―So you like Young Guns do you?‖ I said turning to face him ―It's one of my faves!‖

―Yes, me and Jasper used to watch it all the time growing up.‖ he replied, his cheeks turning a
slight pink color.

He blushes too? Wow, now that is one of the cutest things I've seen.

―So, I'm guessing your favorite part is when Billy's whore walks out to great Garrett's posse
naked?‖ I laughed as his cheeks turned a little more pink, but his eyes never left mine. ―How
very original of you?‖

―Hey, both me and Edward love that scene, especially when she gets on the horse. Sorry Alice,
but that is one hott to the T moment‖ Jasper interrupted, defending his old friend.

―Yeah, I agree‖ Alice piped up and I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

―The FUN has ARRIVED!‖ Emmet boomed in a singsongy voice, coming through the door with
Rosalie trailing behind.

―Sorry we're late guys‖ she said, smirking.

―Yep, I'm sure. Can't you ever be on time?‖ I replied, raising an eyebrow.

―After 4 years, do we still need to do this every Thursday? We've never been on time, get over
it.‖ Emmet said, slapping my back. ―I'm a man, a man with needs‖ he declared, staring me down.

―Yeah, but those needs don't always have to show themselves on Thursday night, Em‖ I
challenged.

―Actually, they show themselves every night little Bells, and I can't be mean and ignore them
now, can I ?!‖ he smirked.

―TMI, Em, TMI‖ I laughed covering my ears

―Every Thursday, same convo, same arguments. Can't you guys give it a rest already? You're
scaring Edward over here.‖ Alice laughed.

―Nope, wouldn't be Thursday night movie ritual if we did little Sprite‖ Em said turning to her
and ruffling her hair.

Alice screamed, hitting Emmet on the leg. She hated when people touched her hair, so naturally
Emmet would do it as often as possible.

―Welcome to the group Edward, my man. This is our weekly ritual, convo and all. Are you up
for it‖ Jasper asked Edward.

―I hope so‖ Edward chuckled, giving me a handsome, crooked smile. ―But let's not ever mention
Emmet's needs again, OK?‖

―Umm, yeah, about that, THAT is not EVER going to stop. It's the first thing he mentions every
movie night so you're going to have to get used to it‖ Alice laughed, jumping into Jaspers arms
to get away from Emmet and his ruffling hands.

I couldn't help but feel like we were finally complete now that Edward was here, part of our
group. I didn't even know him and I felt so drawn to him. Like I was a planet circling the sun,
and he was the sun.

I haven't felt like this since Alec... Scratch that, even HE didn't make me feel like this.

―So, are we ready for the movie or what?‖ Rosalie said moving over to her standard spot on the
couch which she shares with Emmet. Alice and Jasper took the love seat which left me and
Edward with the LoveSack. I've always been assigned the LoveSack since I've always been on
my own, so normally I wouldn't mind, but knowing I had to share this seat with Edward was
making my heart beat a little faster.

―Rose and Em always have the couch, and trust me when I say you don't want to share with
them. And Al and Jazz always have the love seat which leaves us with the LoveSack. Is that ok?‖
I finished, letting go of his hand.

―Share a comfy seat with a pretty lady? I'm inn‖ he laughed, but I could hear the seriousness in
his voice and see the sincerity in his eyes.

―Ok, great. Grab a bowl and fill it with stuff you want and then take a seat.‖ I gestured to the
table and the LoveSack.

After I filled my bowl with sour patch kids, gummy bears, and ships I grabbed a coke and made
my way to the LoveSack only to see Edward firmly planted in the middle. I cocked an eyebrow,
putting most of my weight on my right leg.

―Hhhm‖ I smirked ―where did you want me to sit? The floor?‖

―No, actually I have this very special place for you right here‖ he said to me patting the spot
between his legs.

Son of a motherless goat but that sounds like fun. I'm not sure where all of my bravery came
from but I was grateful that I had some confidence around Edward. He made me feel almost
normal. Ofcourse not any where near as special or pretty as Alice and Rose, but I also didn't feel
like a hag.

―That sounds like a great plan‖ I said to him as I sat down. As soon as I was situated he grabbed
me around the waist and pulled me flush against him.

―So you can lean on me, it'll be more comfortable for you. Not to mention comfortable for me to
have you in my arms.‖ He whispers in my ear. ―Would you think me pathetic if I told you I've

been wanting you in my arms all day?‖ I trailed of a little embarrassed.

―Not if you don't mind that I've wanted to be in your arms ever since I woke up in them on that
park bench.‖ I said, turning my head to look him in the eyes.

I could tell he was deliberating whether to kiss me or not, and I almost leaned in to acquiesce
when I remembered that we were in a room with our friends. I settled for taking his hand and
lightly kissing his palm before turning back around and getting comfortable. He wrapped his
arms around my waist and we only moved when we ate some junk or had a drink.

I felt so safe and protected in his arms. I felt like we had this insane connection that had always
been there since the existence of time. I know rational thought would try to dissuade me from
feeling like I did, but for once I just wanted to follow my heart and consequence be damned. I
felt sure that this was the beginning of something special and I was not going to pull a normal
Bella. I was going to welcome this with open arms and see where it took me. I had a feeling this
would be life altering for me. Alice always says she has these 'feelings' like she can sense what
will happen in the future. I turned to her and could see her watching us, and when she met my
gaze she winked and gave me thumbs up, mouthing the words ―Trust this one‖, and then she
turned back to the movie.

I turned my head and watched the movie, placing my hands on top of Edwards. When he felt my
hands he pulled one of his out from underneath mine and placed it on top, effectively encasing
my hands in his.

―Bella‖ I heard my name and felt the earth shake.

―B e l l a‖ followed by more gentle shaking.

Rubbing my eyes I stretched only to smack someone in the chest. I opened my eyes and was
meat by Edwards piercing green eyes.

I groaned ―I fell asleep, didn't I?‖ I turned to face him. ―umm, did I say anything while I was
out?‖ I hated asking, but I had to know.

―Actually all you said was my name, which was really sweet by the way. Alice said you always
speak in your sleep, and that you're always restless in your sleep no matter where you are.‖ He
mused ―But you stayed still the whole time. Alice was surprised to say the least‖ he trailed off,
looking intently in my eyes.

If Alice was surprised it's nothing on how I felt. I haven't had a real restful sleep since I was 17. I
was always plagued with nightmares from those days.

―Well, it must be your strong arms. I felt safe and protected‖ I told him, lowering my eyes to
stare at my hands.

―I will always be here to protect me if you'll let me Bella. Always‖ he said while raising my chin

forcing me to look at him. He gently cupped my cheek and I couldn't help but to lean into his
palm.

―Lets get you home, and to bed‖ he said suddenly, shaking his head slightly. I wasn't sure if I
was grateful or not to him not kissing me. I was slightly conflicted on the issue.

―That's alright Edward, I'll take her home. I'm leaving anyways, we still have work in the
morning.‖ Alice said, popping her head in through the door. ―Well, some of us do, you get to
sleep as long as you want. At least until 10 when you're meeting Bella.‖ She chuckled.

I extracted myself from Edward, gave a slight squeeze to his hand and went out the door.
Tonight was going to be a long night, I could tell. I had a lot of things to think over, and I was
really excited for tomorrow.

As I climbed in bed after convincing Alice she could interrogate me tomorrow, I heard my
cellphone signal I had received a text.

Sweet dreams pretty lady.

If you need to feel safe tonight

I'm only a phone call away.

God night

E'

My last conscious thought was of Edward.

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Chapter: 5

AN: I know it's short, but here is the next part. I'm so grateful to you for adding me to
alerts and for reviewing. Let me know what you think. I appreciate it. I know where I'm
going with this story, I'm just having a slightly hard time getting it down. My kids keep my
busy, but I love it!!

Chapter 5

Movie night with Jaspers group of friends was .... an experience. I felt like I meshed with their
group really well, and I liked to think their group was complete now that I was in the picture. At

least Bella wasn't the odd man out anymore and we seamed to really hit it off.

Having her in my arms while watching the movie was nothing short of a dream come true. She
fit so beautifully in my arms. There was no denying how perfect she is for me and I'm not even
scared to admit that. If only I had moved over here with Jasper all those years ago! I truly feel
like she's my missing piece, the glue to hold my seams together.

I admit I was slightly nervous after my admition about wanting her in my arms all day. When she
replied she felt the same way, my heart soared to a new level. I believe it's called cloud 9? And
when she kissed my palm I just about had a heart attack.

Laying in my bed I decided to text her. Might as well let her know I'm thinking of her.

Sweet dreams pretty lady.

If you need to feel safe tonight

I'm only a phone call away.

God night

E'

I really wanted her to need me in some way. I had this insane need to protect her and keep her
safe. I've never been so compelled to assure someones safety before, not even when it comes to
my family.

I remember a few years ago hearing something about a girl going missing and then reappearing 2
days later, drugged and scarred, dropped off in her own bed. Apparently her boyfriend had gone
missing too, along with his father who was a known surgeon. I was 17 at the time and remember
it hitting me pretty hard. It made me very protective of my mother. I had a fear after reading
about that, that someone I loved would be harmed and I would be helpless to help. I vowed to do
everything in my power to protect those I love. Which insistently is the reason why I didn't move
back to the States with Jasper when he left for College. I stayed and did some studying in
Norway and then taught at the American school where I had gone with Jasper.

My mother was my best friends growing up and I trusted her with anything and everything.
Living in a country where you are considered foreign even if it is all you know and remember
made us have to rely on each other fiercely. She knew all my darkest secrets and I knew hers.
Some might think it strange but it was very comforting to me. My dad was a little distant because
his job kept him so busy, but we were all very close and we really didn't have any secrets
between us.

My musing was cut short when I heard the familiar beeping alerting me of a new text

She needs you

Alice

It took me all of 2 seconds to get my shoes on and run out the door. From our discussions earlier
I had learned that we only lived a block apart, so I ran as fast as I could. Alice was already there
waiting in the doorway. She looked like she had been crying.

―What is it? Is she ok? What's wrong?‖ I was feeling slightly panicky.

―She had a nightmare. It happens quite often and all I have to do is lay next to her and hold her
and she calms down.‖ she started crying again.

―This time...nothing...I...d...did...h...helped her.‖ she took a deep breath to calm herself. I was
getting more anxious. ―She was thrashing around in her bed crying and yelling, hurting herself.‖

That's all it took for me to run straight to her room. Alice told me it was the second door on the
left.

What I saw broke my heart. Bella was asleep, crying, clawing at her stomach.

―It hurts. It burns. Why?‖ she was sobbing.

I didn't even think, I just launched myself onto her bed and held onto her.

She kept muttering ―why?‖ over and over.

I rocked her, humming a lullaby my mom used to sing to me when I was little. She finally started
calming down, relaxing into my arms. She seemed so fragile, so breakable.

―Shhh, Bella. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.‖ I cooed. ―Shhh‖

She was finally quiet, relaxed. Her face was tear stained and her hair was a mess but she looked
lovelier than anything I had ever seen before.

I gently let my finger trace her eyes, and they fluttered slightly. She was beautiful and my heart
was silently breaking for her.

Something was causing her to have nightmares and I vowed to myself to get to the bottom of it.

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Chapter: 6

AN: So sorry I'm taking so long between updates. Between my 4 kids and keeping the
house clean I just get too caught up. My youngest cries a lot so writing is hard. But I read a
lot :) lol. Anyway, I'll try and be better but make no promises. Please tell me what I can do
to improve.

Chapter 6

Waking up always left me slightly dazed, and this morning was no different. For a second I
almost felt like someone else was in my bed with me.

Wait......someone IS in bed with me.

I shot straight up, clutching my heart, a small scream escaping my lips.

―Bella? What are--‖

I was already scooting away when I heard his voice. Even heavy with sleep it was laced with
honey, velvety smooth and sweet. I calmed my self and stopped moving.

―I woke up feeling a presence in my bed. It took me by surprise is all. Lets just say it brought
back memories‖ I answered him. Yeah, memories of him, memories of-- NO, don't go there. You
can't go there, I scolded myself.

Edward tentatively reached his hand out, and when I didn't move away he brought me into a hug.

―Alice called last night‖ he said.

My head was reeling.

Why did she call?

What had--

Oh no......

Nightmares.

Dreams.

Memories.

It was coming back. Images bombarding my minds eye. No, no, no, no. Please no, not now. I
can't remember. I can't go back there.

My eyes watered, and tears cascaded down my cheeks.

I've been doing so good. Therapy has been great and my meds have been working like they're
supposed to.

―She....called you? She couldn't.......calm me down‖ I finished in a small whisper. It wasn't a
question.

Edward tightened his grip around me, and I felt.....safe.

Still safe? After that? That's.....new.

I trust Jasper and Emmet, but they had had to earn my trust. Which had not been easy. It took a
long time for me. But then again, I had meet them more recently after.........that. I had been more
broken then.

I shuddered and Edward tightened his hold on me.

It's been 5 years now, maybe that's why I'm responding to Edward this way? I decided I needed
to talk with Dr. Masen about this. He's been with me since then and would hopefully be able to
shed some light on this particular situation.

As for the man currently holding me? Edward exuded some sense of peace and safety. It's like
we are magnetized to each other. For some inexplicable reason I just knew in my heart I could
trust him. In my heart and mind, Edward equaled safety.

―She was crying, telling me you needed me. I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds‖ he said,
rubbing my back.

Did I feel like he overstepped some boundary? Normally I would, but with him it felt different.
With him it felt almost.....natural. Normal.

―No, that's alright. Thank you....for coming. It was just a bad dream. I'm all better now‖ I said,
wrapping my arms around him and giving him a gentle squeeze.

After giving me a squeeze back, he pulled away to look in my eyes. I could see the doubt he had
there, but he seemed resigned to not push me further and it made me fall for him even more.

He gently wiped away my leftover tears and then let go.

I missed his embrace right away.

I felt.....naked...alone....vulnerable.

―How about you get dressed and I take you out for breakfast?‖ he said, standing from my bed.

―Sure, that would be great. Then we can walk around, and I can show you the sights‖

He smiled at me, extending his hand to help me up.

―Thanks‖

―Yep. Now, I'm gonna go get ready and then I'll meet you back here in 45, is that enough time
for you?‖

―Yes. Now shoo, so I can shower‖ I told him, scooting him along, laughing.

He laughed too, and the sound made my heart jump for joy.

Once he was out the door, I went to my bathroom. As I stripped and got in the shower I was
struck with how peaceful I felt. My dreams have been with me for the last 5 years, always the
same, always heartbreaking. But it's been a while since I've been inconsolable. Alice must have
felt really desperate if she felt the need to call on Edward. But I'm glad she did. I'm glad he was
so willing to be there for me when it seems I needed him so much. How much, I'm sure he'll
never know. But I knew my peace was a direct result from his presence.

Alice tried her best to comfort me when I had my nightmares, my memories. She was the first
person I told. Wait, let me rephrase that. She was the first outsider I told. We had been room
mates for almost 3 months. I'd had the same recurring dreams, but that one particular night had
been the worst for me in a long time. The trigger had been easy to recollect.

I'd been running around crazy, trying to get to my class. I was late for me midterm. I hadn't
looked to see where I was going, and had, in true Bella fashion, ran into someone. That someone,
was unknown to me, but the resemblance to Alec was so uncanny that it brought every thing
back. I had had a panic attack, and had passed out. When I woke up I was at the hospital with
Alice by my side.

The Doctor on call had come in, needing to discuss my medical history and any reason I might
have had for the panic attack. Alice had excused herself, but I had needed her so much and I had
begged her to stay with me. She did and had never once turned away from me. Never once
judged me.

She had held me when I cried. She had soothed me when it had seemed impossible. She never let
go, holding me and rocking me. She had been my rock.

We told no one else about it. I just couldn't bear to go through it again.

The other guys; Em, Rose, and Jasper, suspected something was wrong, but they never pushed
me. Eventually pieces stated coming out, but they never got the full story. The full truth. They
knew that and accepted it.

Finished with my shower I grabbed a towel and started drying off. When I was done I couldn't
help but looking down. I gently traced the faint outline of my scar. If only........

My tears were falling again.

No. I can't do this today. I want to be happy.

I finished dressing. I threw on a pair of comfy jeans and a long sleeved sage green shirt and my
brown bubble vest. I stepped into my brown rocket dogs and looked in the mirror.

As good as it's gonna get. I grabbed a hair tie and put my hair in a pony tail, dabbed on some
mascara and I was ready to start this day.

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Chapter: 7

AN: I'm sorry I'm slow with this story. I like it a lot, and I'm trying to make it different
from all the others out there. I'm a little concerned with your reaction to her past. I've been
trying to change it a little but Bella won't hear of it, so I hope you'll still be with me when
her past comes out. Also, if you haven't yet, check out my other story "In the Town of
Grafton". I'm really liking this one and it's become my little baby. Thanks so very much to
all of you who review, and to those of you who read. I'm so grateful to you all.

Chapter 7

To say I was excited to take Bella out for breakfast, would be the biggest understatement of the
year. I felt like I had waited for her my whole life and now I would do anything to make her
happy and feel safe.

When she woke up and started moving away from me this morning my heart broke for her a
little. I had my suspicions on what may have happened with her, but I'm going to let her come to
me when she's ready. I figure if I show her I'm here for her no matter what and that she can trust
me I'm sure she'll feel confident and comfortable with opening up to me. Until then I'm going to
make her have as much fun as I can manage.

After breakfast at Ihop, we spent a lot of time walking around. We lived pretty central in the little
college town so everything was in walking distance. We eventually made it to campus where we
ended up eating lunch at the food court.

―So, now that we've walked all over this place, is there anything else worth seeing?‖ I asked her,
hoping we still had some time to spend with each other.

―Well....we've kind of seen it all, but I was thinking that maybe, you know, if you want, if you'd

maybe want to.. I don't know...‖ She was stuttering and fumbling all over the place and it was
just so darn cute.

―Just spit it out all ready pretty lady.‖

―Ok, here goes. Do you want to hang out tonight?‖ She was blushing that cute blush and nibbling
her lower lip.

―I would really like to hang out tonight. What do you want to do?‖

―Well, I'd like to go see the new movie Twilight. It's supposed to be really good. I've read the
books and want to check it out,‖ she said, looking at everything but me.

Grabbing her chin, forcing her to look at me I told her I'd like to watch that movie with her.
Truth be told, I'd read the books too and wanted to see the movie, but I decided to hold onto my
man card a little longer and didn't confess that little insignificant detail to her. She'd find out
eventually.

As we walked back towards her apartment we decided to meet again in 3 hours so she could have
time to do some household chores, which would give me time to call my mom and see how she's
doing without me.

I left Bella at her doorstep with a hug and a sneaky kiss to the forehead. Then I all but skipped to
my apartment, knowing full well I looked ridiculous, but couldn't find it in me to care.

As I walked in the door, I heard the house phone ringing.

―Hello?‖

―Edward?‖ It was my mom.

―Hi mom. I was just about to call you. What's up?

―Well, I just missed you and wanted to make sure you were settling in OK.‖

I told her all about my first few days here, including my run in with Bella. She was trying, and
failing, to be nonchalant about asking about details but I could see through her and told her all
the info she could possibly want orneed. However I didn't share with her my suspicions about
Bella's past. I didn't want to go there until my suspicions had been confirmed or denied.

After talking to her for almost 2 hours we made plans to talk again next week. Hanging up, I
decided to grab some of my boxes that had arrived by mail and put my stuff away. It wasn't
anything fancy, just some things to remind me of my childhood in Norway, including the flag,
some trolls and some fairytale books and Cd's. Call them childish but I liked them a lot.

I knew my parents time in Norway was coming to an end within the next few years and had

collected as much stuff as I possibly could to remind me of my time there. I even hung up my
graduation hat and jump suit they wear over there. It had been signed by all of my friends and
even some of the teachers. Even though I went to the American School, we still did some of the
local traditions. Graduating high school was a big deal and was cause for celebration for one full
month before we sat for our finals. Me and Jasper had done everything together and had partied
with our native friends. After getting the suit and cap up on the wall it was time to go see Bella.
On my way there I vowed to make my time with her fun and light .I wanted to show her I can be
trusted, and I wanted her to know that I was starting to irrevocably fall in love with her.

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Chapter: 8

AN: A ginormeous thanks to my new beta freakyhazeleyes. She is fantabulous and has helped
me out so much. Show her some love by checking out her stories, you'll find Fallen on my faves
and she's on my fave authors. Thank you!!!!

Chapter 8

As I stepped up to Bella‘s door I kept running little scenarios through my head, trying to come
up with the best way to keep tonight light hearted and fun for her. I decided that after we‘d see
Twilight we could go for some Baskin Robbins and then maybe do some bowling. I know she‘s
not the most coordinated girl in the world, but I had a plan to keep her frown up-side down.

Knocking on her door I steeled myself for what was promising to be a very fun night, but I could
never have been prepared for what I saw when the door opened. I was pretty sure she had never
look more beautiful than at this point in time. Her hair was mussed and knotted, her lips were
swollen, her cheeks were tearstained, and her eyes were the brightest, most hypnotic brown you
could imagine. This was the most real and honest I had ever seen anyone, and it only made her
more beautiful, as broken as she looked.

―What‘s wr-oomph,‖ I was cut of by Bella crashing her body into mine and then encircling her
arms around my waist, holding on for dear life. I wanted to ask her what had happened. Was she
okay? Was she hurt? But I couldn‘t make myself speak. All I could do was hold on to her and
hopefully give her some sense of feeling protected and safe, whatever might be wrong.

After some careful and strategic maneuvering of us both without breaking our hold on each
other, I was able to close the door with my foot and move us to the front room. Once there, I
moved to sit down, but Bella just held on tighter.

―Bella? I‘m just gonna sit down, okay?‖ I asked her while gently running my hands in circles on
her back.

―Mm hmm…,‖ was all I got back, but she did loosen her hold on me.

Turning around I very briefly let go of Bella while sitting down. Then I grabbed her around the
waist and gently lowered her onto my lap where I continued stroking her back while gently
rocking us. She buried her face in my chest and continued to cry silent tears, with the occasional
hiccup here and there.

I can‘t be sure how long we sat there like that, but it must have been for quite some time because
eventually Bella fell asleep on me. She had stopped crying a little while ago and had been sitting
quietly with me, playing with the hem on my collar. I‘d contemplated asking her some questions
about what had her so upset, but thought better of it. She would open up to me once she was
ready to, and in the mean time I‘d just hold her and comfort her as best I knew how.

Once she was asleep I gently slid out from under her and picked her up bridal style. I walked her
into her room and laid her down on her bed so she could be more comfortable. Looking at her
alarm I saw it was almost 11:30 so I decided to call it a night. I wasn‘t quite comfortable leaving
her here alone so I called Jasper.

―Hey….so, I‘m gonna stay here with Bella tonight. Something happened and I can‘t leave her.‖
Running my hand through my hair, I leaned against the kitchen island.

―Is she ok? What happened?‖

―I don‘t know. I went over here to get her for our date, but as soon as she opened the door she
latched on to me and didn‘t let go all night. She finally fell asleep, after crying herself dry.‖

―Sounds like a breakdown.‖

―Breakdown? What do you mean breakdown? Has this happened before?‖ I was getting a little
frustrated and felt bad for taking it out on Jasper.

―Yeah, it‘s happened a few times before. I‘m not sure what causes it. Look Edward. We know
something is wrong, or has been wrong for quite a lot of years but none of us know what it is
except for Alice. Don‘t even think about it man, Alice would rather die than tell on her best
friend.‖

―What do I do?‖ I finally asked, sliding down to the floor. I so desperately wanted to help her.
She seemed so happy the other day when I first met her, and today she was the complete
opposite.

―I don‘t know what to tell you except don‘t push it. I think she really likes you and feels safe with
you. At least Alice tells me as much. Just let her come to you. Be patient. Not your strongest feat,
but you can do it. For her!‖

―For her? Anything for her. I think…. I think I‘m in love with her.‖ It was the truth.

―That…That‘s awesome. I know how you feel. It was the same with me and Alice. The first time I
saw her I knew she was the one.‖

―This is exactly how I feel. Thanks man, for being all girly with me.‖ I hung up with Jasper after
he confirmed what I had thought all along. Alice would be spending the night over there which
meant I would be getting no sleep if I went back home. Staying here with Bella now served two
purposes. Looking out for her and protecting my innocent ears.

After having a drink of water I went into Bella‘s bathroom to see if she had an extra toothbrush.
After searching her cabinets I found one and started my hunt for the toothpaste. I don‘t know
what happened but I lost my footing and bumped into the vanity above the sink. When it popped
open a yellow prescription bottle fell out. My heart rate picked up just slightly as I picked it up. I
knew I shouldn‘t, I just couldn‘t stop myself and before I knew it I had turned it around and was
staring at the label. What I saw I was not prepared for.

Isabella Swan

Dr. Masen

150 mg

Effexor Xr

Take once every day

What could she be taking this for? And why did the name Dr. Masen sound so familiar? Putting
the bottle back in the vanity I closed the door and went into Bella‘s room. I grabbed a blanket off
of her rocking chair and one of her pillows from her bed and lay down on the carpet next to her
bed. So many questions were swirling around in my head and I hoped she would confide in me
sometime soon. I was so worried for her and wanted, no needed, her to trust me. I would protect
her no matter what.

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Chapter: 9

AN: So, first off a huge thank you to my amazing beta freakyhazeleyes. She's a fantastic
beta and a fantastic writer. Make sure you check her out. She's listed in my fave authors
and fave story. So, some story pimpage, I'm putting up a one shot in the next few days.
Check it out and let me know what you think. Also, make sure you check out
Angstgoddess003's Wide Awake. It is one incredible story, so full of emotions and drama. I

love it!

Anyway, so this chapter we get some answers but also a whole slew of others appear.
Patience is a virtue, we're getting into the good stuff and will soon know what is
traumatizing Bella.

Also, just wanted to point out that Effexor XR is an antidepressant. It's taken for
depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTS. It is very efefctive if it works for you. We'll learn later
why she's taking it and how it's working.

Now, let me wish all you fine folk a verry merry christmas. I hope to post again before then
but in case I don't, at least you know I want you to have a good christmas.

Chapter 9

―Hello?‖ The girl said into the receiver.

―Hello my precious,‖ the person on the other end replied. It was a man's voice, so very familiar
to her yet she couldn‘t quite place it.

―Umm, who is this?‖ she asked.

―Don‘t you remember me? Don‘t you remember your first love?‖ the voice chuckled.

Cold dread washed over the girl. How was this possible? How did he find her?

―I see you remember now,‖ the voice stated. ―It‘s just as well. I‘ve come back for you. You see,
what we took from you all those years ago isn‘t enough, we need to do it again.‖

It was a very cold and calculated statement.

―You know we always get what we want, don‘t you?‖

How could she forget? She wanted to forget, but it was impossible. The scar was there, taunting
her memories. Taunting her very sanity.

―I‘ll always get what I want, and I want you,‖ the voice finished before the line went dead.

I shot straight up in my bed. I could feel the sweat that had gathered on my forehead run in
rivulets down my temple and cheek. My heart was beating so fast I was sure it was getting ready
to take flight. My breathing was erratic. I was panting like I‘d just run a marathon. My eyes were
wet and my tears were free-falling and mixing with my sweat.

Wiping my hand across my forehead, I looked around my room. This dream was so very real. It
had felt like the truth. I hadn‘t had this kind of dream before. Well, I had, just not in this way.

I had dreamt of him, Alec, many times before, but never had he threatened me. It was kind of
silly actually, since there was no possible way that he could get what he threatened. Although,
technically, he didn‘t know that part. That had happened after he took what he wanted and
disappeared.

My tears were falling harder now and I couldn‘t keep in the sobs that were wracking my body. I
wrapped my arms around myself and started rocking back and forth.

Why had he done it? Why had he broken me? What was the reason? All these questions swirled
through my head, but it was futile to ask. Alec had been missing since I was 17. There would be
no way of actually getting those answers because I was pretty sure he‘d never resurface.

He and the man he called father had been on the run for the last 8 years. They were on the FBI‘s
Most Wanted List and had been featured on ―Americas Most Wanted‖ with John Walsh. My
story had been put on there, although details had not been presented. I was still a minor and my
dad had told them he didn‘t want me to have to go through life answering questions. He wanted
me to be able to talk about it when I was ready to, not because I was forced to.

I loved him all the more for protecting me like that.

As I was sitting there lost in thought, crying my eyes out, I saw Edward sit up next to my bed.

―Bella? Bella love, are you okay?‖ He didn‘t hesitate to sit up on my bed next to me and pull me
in close to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and just held me close.

What was it about him that made me feel so safe? Shouldn‘t I be heading for the hills right about
now? I‘ve never let anyone get this close to me before, not even Jasper and Emmett, and they‘d
known me for the past 4 years.

Edward was so sweet. Not once did he press me for any information on my behavior. He just sat
there and held me, comforting me.

I thought back to my conversation I‘d had with Dr. Masen earlier today while I had waited for
Edward to arrive for our date.

Flashback

―Hi, Dr. Masen? It‘s Bella,‖ I said to my doctor, who had also become a very close friend to me
these past 8 years.

―Hello Bella dear. Haven‘t I told you this before? It‘s Elizabeth. None of this doctor stuff,
okay?‖ she chuckled and I laughed. It was true; she‘d been telling me for years to call her by her
first name. It was just hard to remember sometimes.

―What can I do for you? I‘m assuming this is not so much a social call as it is a medically
related call?‖ She always seemed to know why I was calling her. She called it her Bella Swan

intuition.

I smiled into the receiver.

―You always seem to know why I‘m calling,‖ I laughed.

―Like I said before. The Bella Swan intuition is in full force.‖ Then she sobered up. ―Is
everything okay? Are you okay?‖ She had taken on a very motherly tone with me now.

―Well, I‘m confused about something,‖ I started.

One of the things I loved about Dr. Masen was her ability to always just let me talk without
interrupting. At first it was weird; I‘d thought she wasn‘t listening. But after I learned that that
was just how she was, I was very grateful.

―I meat this guy yesterday,‖ I hedged, and then continued telling her about everything that had
happened with Edward from me crashing into him yesterday, to today and our walking around
campus.

―- and I just don‘t understand why I‘m so affected by him and why I feel so safe and drawn to
him. I should be avoiding him at all costs,‖ I finished.

Dr. Masen had been quiet for a while, seemingly contemplating my words before she spoke up.

―You know dear.‖ I loved when she called me that. Since I lacked a loving mother figure in my
life I appreciated so much that she loved me as one of her own. She had told me so on several
occasions and had proven it more often than I could count.

―I‘ve told you before that time heals all wounds. Now, yours are going to be with you forever,
but the pain and loss will dull as you get older. You feeling this way with Edward is monumental
to your health and well being-―

―What if he‘s like Alec?‖ I cut her off. It was a genuine fear of mine.

―I can‘t guarantee that he‘s not. But Bella, you know he can‘t hurt you like that. No one ever
can. I can‘t even tell you how sad it makes me feel that they took that gift away from you, but
they did and you need to remember that it can‘t happen again. I‘m sorry.‖

I was crying. Hard.

―I know. And my instinct tells me I‘m safe with Edward. He actually told me he feels drawn to me
the same way I am to him,‖ I chocked out through my tears.

―Then trust that. You know I believe in soul mates. Have you considered that maybe he‘s yours?‖
she very sweetly said.

I had thought about that and was fairly certain he was. I was just so scared to be hurt again.

―I know you‘re too far away to come see me, but can you call me tomorrow and we‘ll have a
session over the phone? Then we‘ll have you fly home in a week‘s time and come see me in my
office.‖

After agreeing to that, I hung up. I was still crying. I hadn‘t noticed just how long I‘d been on the
phone until I heard the knock on the door. And this was the state Edward found me in. Seeing
him on the other side of the door, all beautiful and perfect, ready for me, made me cry even
more.

End Flashback

Eventually I must have fallen asleep because when I awoke again, it was starting to get light out.
I hadn‘t had any more dreams and was fairly certain I could attribute that to Edward holding me.

―Hi beautiful,‖ he said. ―I see you‘re awake. I‘d thought you‘d be sleeping longer after your
rather…umm….long night.‖ He looked at me so lovingly and gently. I burrowed further into his
chest and took a deep breath.

―I‘m so sorry ab-―

―Bella,‖ He scolded. I tensed up, waiting for him to tell me off for ruining our night last night.

―Don‘t ever apologize for having an emotional outburst. I loved that I could be there for you, but
hate the fact that you had one in the first place.‖ He hugged me tighter and I swear I felt him kiss
my head. I relaxed again.

―I have to admit something to you though,‖ he continued, sounding a little bit….apprehensive.

―Last night after you fell asleep, I called Jasper. He told me you‘ve had these breakdowns
before.‖ He inhaled, and then exhaled sharply.

―You don‘t have to tell me anything,‖ he said, giving me a gentle squeeze, ―but I‘d really like to
know so I can help you.‖ He took another deep breath.

―Bella, I think I‘m falling in love with you.‖ He sounded so vulnerable, like I could make or
break him right now after this admission.

I stayed silent for a few moments, letting that sink in. Once I fully realized what it meant, I could
hardly contain my girly squeal of happiness.

―Edward, I think I‘m falling in love with you too.‖

He gave a joyous laugh and then kissed my temple. It was then I decided I wanted to tell him
about my past. Maybe not all of it, but some of it. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I

was about to divulge.

―Edward…Did you know I was…pregnant?‖

AN 2: *runs and ducks for cover. peaks out, "is it safe yet?"*

So I have a question for you. Some of the stuff Bella experienced can be very touchy for
some. Now I've pleaded and begged with Bella to see if she'd agree to me changing her past.
She's being very difficult about it, demanding her story be told her way. Sooo... if I have a
chapter or two that deal with some more mature stuff will you still read? It doesn't deal
with sex and there is no rape but that doesn't make it any less traumatic to read about. I'm
just not sure what to do. Do I keep it rated "T" or change it to "M" ? I need input from my
readers.

Also, I'm not begging, BUT, if I get 10 reviews from this chapter, I'll update again by
monday. *winks*

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Chapter: 10

AN: So, I’ve decided to move the rating to “M”. We are going to delve into some ethical
issues, and some things I’m just not ok with writing knowing that some young ones read
these things too. Sooo, I hope I don’t loose you here, I just can’t in good conscience keep it
at the same rating. And if you didn’t review and tell me what your opinion was on the
matter you can’t complain, kay? J

Ok, so a shout-out to the most awesomely dedicated reviewer ever. She’s reviewed every
chapter and I’m so thankful. So this is for you uandmeisuandi.

Second shout-out goes to sendmeonmyway for letting me bounce ideas off of her .She’s
incredible and you really need to check out her stories, especially My Favorite Accident,
it’s good as gold. It’s in my profile under faves and also under authors faves.

Third shout-out to my amazing beta freakyhazeleyes. I didn’t have this chapter betaed
because I want her to have a great Christmas without having to work on my story. But just
know she is amazing and sent her love by checking out her stories. Fallen is on my profile
under favorites, and she’s also under authors.

Lastly, MERRY HOLIDAYS to you all. Hope it’s grand.

p.s. so I know this is short, but it’s important. Anyway, I’ll update again sometime before

the new year. Love to you all!

Chapter 10

―Bella, I think I‘m falling in love with you.‖ I hated how vulnerable I sounded right now. But the
truth was, she could make or break me right now. Although, in all fairness, she needed to know
how I felt. I was hoping it would help her open up to me so I in turn could help her..

―Edward, I think I‘m falling in love with you too,‖ she replied. I could hear the smile in her
voice.

I could hardly believe my ears.

She loves me?

She loves me.

She loves me!

ME!

I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but settled for a loud laugh of joy and then pressed my lips
to her temple.

She shivered.

I was happy. Beyond happy. Ecstatic! Buoyant! Nothing could break me from this good mood. I
don‘t think—

―Edward…Did you know I was…pregnant?‖

Huh? Did she just say—?

―Edward?‖

Oh, she was talking.

―Did you just say—―

―Yes.‖ She sounded broken.

I was trying to rationalize what I was hearing. It was hard. Really hard. I had saved myself for
that one perfect person, and she had already found him?

But she didn‘t have a child, did she?

―Say something,‖ she whispered, making to pull out of my embrace.

I let her.

I was struck dumb.

And then I remembered the way she said it.

Edward…Did you know I was…pregnant?

Was.

Her voice had been trembling.

So I looked into her face. She had turned around and was facing me, sitting Indian style with her
legs crossed. She was staring at her comforter, fingering the sleeve on her shirt.

―What do you mean, love?‖ I asked her gently, lifting her chin with my index finger, forcing her
to meat my eyes. I would be lying if I said I wasn‘t terrified by what her answer could be.

Her eyes were closed and I could see the trail of tears running down her cheek. I moved my free
hand up and cupped her cheek, using my thumb to wipe away the moisture as it came down. She
hesitantly leaned into my touch.

Her lip quivered and her breathing was strained, controlled. She took one large, deep breath,
exhaled, took another breath and opened her eyes. They were so deep and shiny and…sad.

She was beautiful, the most magnificent creature to ever lay claim on my heart. And claim my
heart she had. In one fell swoop.

―When I was sixteen I meat this guy…Alec. He was…sweet.‖ Gag!

―He was the first boy to show interest in me.‖ Me!

―He was my first boyfriend.‖ Now!

Thinking about her with some other dude, a pansy by the name of Alec, Ugh, even the name
made me want to barf, was sickening.

―Did he…‖ I couldn‘t even say it. If he had forced himself on her? I might just go crazy. Quite
literally.

―NO!‖ she all but yelled.

―Edward, he was my…first…everything.‖ She said, looking ashamed. Of what, I wasn‘t quite
sure.

And then it hit. Everything… Sex. At least it was consensual.

My stomach lurched. I suppressed a groan.

She inhaled again, balling her fists in the process and then wrapped them around herself.

―I…Edward I thought….I thought I loved him,‖ she said, fresh tears leaking down her exquisite
cheeks.

She was far too beautiful to feel such pain.

Pulling her balled-up fist away from her body, I leaned in closer to her and wrapped my arms
around her. She just sat there with her hands in her lap. She was crying, staining my shirt again,
but I didn‘t care.

I had wanted her to open up to me. To trust me. Now that she did, I couldn‘t turn away. I
wouldn‘t turn away. It was in the past physically. Emotionally? Still present, clear as day.

―What happened?‖ I whispered in her hair while running my hands soothingly up and down her
back. Her physical response was very welcoming. She wrapped her arms around me and held on
to me tight.

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Chapter: 11

AN: Thank you so much to my beta freakyhazeleyes for all your help and encouragement!

Happy New Years to you all, may it bring you what you wish for!

Voting is going on at the Twilight Awards. Make sure you go vote for your faves, I know I
will! The link is on my profile.

.

Happy voting!

Chapter 11

Flashback

‗This can‘t be true,‘ I whispered to myself. It just can‘t! How was it even possible? I was on the
pill, had been since I was 15. I didn‘t start taking them because I was sexually active. No, I had
to take them because of these awfully painful cysts I kept developing. But after dating Alec for a
little bit shy of a year, it had been very convenient.

And not only that, but I had been adamant about using condoms too. And we never slipped up,
and I never missed a pill.

―Seriously,‖ I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air. I wanted to yell, and kick, and scream, but
had decided against that since that would alert my lovely non-compassionate mother.

This was not supposed to happen to me. To someone else sure, in fact, anyone else would be fine.
But to me? Nope, I had plans, great plans. Plans that would take me away from this house, from
this place, from this family.

I slapped my thigh, suppressing the urge to punch something.

How could one tiny stick with two lines cause so much trouble? Okay, one? Nope, try five. The
first three were from The Dollar Store, and when they had all come back positive, I‘d conceded
defeat and gone to Wal-Mart and bought two First Response tests.

They were positive also. Quite seriously positive. As soon as the pee moved up the stick the lines
turned a bright purplish blue.

They were taunting me, gloating at me, mocking me.

I picked them up and wrapped them in toilet paper. Didn‘t want mother sweetness to find them
before I was ready to tell her. Which was never! I needed to have a plan first, and that plan
would have to involve telling Alec.

I pinched my arm, wiped the tear that came before it rolled down my cheek and went to my room
where I tucked the uselessly life altering sticks in the bottom of my underwear drawer.

End Flashback

Sitting here wrapped up in Edwards arms, knowing I‘d just told him my deepest, most sacred
secret after only knowing him a relatively short amount of time was strangely comforting.

He was shocked to be sure, but he‘d controlled himself enough to comfort me and hold me and
just let me be.

He continued rubbing circles on my back while smoothing down my hair every so often. I didn‘t
even know how long we sat there without me saying anything. But, even though words weren‘t
said didn‘t mean our souls weren‘t conversing. So many things passed between us in those
moments that were impossible to recreate with words. But one thing I knew, and I would not
doubt it; he loved me. And because he loved me I would be able to tell him my story.

It was more than that though, because I knew I loved him and that was something that I had
never thought would be possible for me again. Alec had broken my body and soul beyond repair.
That is, until Edward came into my life…on a cold and blustery morning.

How cliché!

Flashback

―Hi Dr. Cai. Is Alec home?‖

I hated when Alec‘s dad would answer the door. There was just something really creepy about
him. The way he seemed to study me, stare at me, ask about me. One time I asked Alec about it,
he became very defensive of his dad and explained to me that he was a very loving and caring
man who was trying his best to get to know his sons girlfriend. He had been very upset so I
dropped it, but it didn‘t ease this feeling of dread I had whenever I was around him.

―Sweet Bella,‖ he always addressed me. It was almost possessive the way he spoke to me. It
always made me cringe inwardly and chills would run down my spine.

―Alec is in his room. He‘s expecting you.‖ He then, not so subtly, turned his piercing gaze to my
stomach for a split second.

Did he know? Suspect?

No, he couldn‘t. I‘d only known for a few weeks at most. I hadn‘t even told Alec yet.

―Thanks.‖ I didn‘t look at him as I passed by him in the door. I went as fast as I could down the
stairs to Alec‘s room, where I felt somewhat protected from this man.

End Flashback

It had taken many therapy sessions with Dr. Masen for me to know and understand that it was
not my fault I hadn‘t realized at the time what was going on. She would always say it‘s easy to
spot when looking back, but in the present it‘s very hard to spot what might be staring you in the
face.

It had only been the last eighteen or so months where I had truly been able to go about my day
without blaming myself for missing the signs that to me were so obvious now.

Flashback

―Alec,‖ my voice trembled. I‘d been putting this off for a few weeks now, but I knew I needed to
tell him. We were lying on the floor in his room doing last minute homework. I pushed myself up
into a sitting position, bent my knees and wrapped my arms around them, resting my chin on top
of them.

―Alec, I need to tell you something.‖ He looked up at me from his position on the floor. When he
saw me tensed up, I could have sworn his eyes glinted with some emotion I had a hard time
placing. Was it…hope?

―What is it Bella? You know you can tell me anything, right?‖ he said while sitting up Indian
style in front of me, placing his hands on my arms.

―Yeah,‖ I whispered. ―I know, it‘s just…this is really…hard…for me too…say.‖

He looked at me expectantly, and his eyes grew softer, and more of that unknown emotion shone
through.

I took a deep breath before deciding to just plunge in there.

―I‘m pregnant,‖ I whispered, not meeting his stare.

―Come again?‖ he said, but there was a smile on his face, and he was already moving to hug me.

End Flashback

That had been the most confusing time for me. His reaction was not what I expected. I had
thought he‘d be angry with me, yell, swear, and throw stuff. You know…the normal teenage boy
drama stuff when you tell them their life is being altered. And not necessarily in a good way
either.

He had been ecstatic, exultant, overjoyed….until I dashed it all by suggesting an abortion. I
didn‘t really think it was an option, but it needed to be covered. He had been so angry when I
first suggested it; we didn‘t speak for almost two weeks. It didn‘t stop his dad from keeping an
eye out for me. Everywhere I went I saw him. At first I just thought it was a coincidence, but
after running into him several times in one day, I‘d had enough and called Alec. He confirmed
my suspicions when he informed me that his dad was watching me for him to see if I went
through with the killing of the unborn child.

I cried for hours until Alec came to my room, whispered his apology and tried to make me forget
about the awful two weeks we‘d had. Only, him trying to help me forget set in motion some
terrible morning sickness and that idea was quickly squashed when my dinner came up all over
his pants and shirt. I was mortified, he had grimaced before laughing. Then he‘d carried me to
the bathroom and helped me take a calming and soothing shower.

Flashback

―Bella, I need to talk to you about something. It‘s not bad,‖ he rushed to reassure me upon
seeing my terrified look. I was sure he was leaving me now.

―I‘ve been talking to my dad, and we both thought of a solution to our… predicament.‖

―What did daddy dearest have to say,‖ I replied, rolling my eyes at the term of endearment.
Sarcasm at its finest.

―Well, since you are so sure you‘re not ready to be this child‘s parent, how about we find a good
couple to adopt the baby?‖ Was it strange that he was almost beaming as he said this?

End Flashback

I took some time to think about his suggestion, and after doing some research found that it was a
very good alternative to abortion. The only obstacle? Telling my ―loving‖ mother. And I use the
term loving very loosely. I was about 10 weeks, or so I believed, when I told her. She was very
angry and called me names I would never utter to another human being. Then she called my dad
and told him. Only, he already knew, which ticked mother-of-the-year off even more and she
kicked me out claiming she never wanted me anyway and ―when it‘s too late to change your
mind, don‘t come crying to me. I‘m done with you…‖ She had said some other words too, but I
would never force myself to remember them.

My dad. The greatest man ever. He took me in, living only 20 minutes or so from the hag.
Nothing changed except my dad never yelled at me and never put me down. All he ever did was
love me and encourage me and support me. His wife was so sweet too and took me under her
wing. She became the mom I never had and to this day I love her like she was my biological
mother. And for all intents and purposes she was. My real mother had abandoned me and even at
my worst never tried to contact me.

Flashback

―Ca-dunk.‖

―Ca-dunk.‖

―Ca-dunk.‖

―That is a very strong heartbeat you‘ve got there little baby,‖ I said to my tummy, running a
hand ever so softly on the growing bump.

Mr. Cai had bought us our own Doppler so we could listen to the baby as often as we wanted to
too. And I did it frequently.

We had found the perfect couple to adopt the little baby, and I wanted everything to be prefect. I
was actually excited for them, the parents-to-be. I somehow just knew this baby belonged with
them and not with me. It was meant to be that way.

End Flashback

If I had known then what I know now; I still would never change my mind about giving the baby

up for adoption. It had just felt so right. What I would do, however, is not taking for granted the
miracle that is life. Especially when that life is inside of you, growing and living because of you.
Something I can never have again.

Flashback

I could hear a steady beeping sound somewhere in the distance. There were voices speaking.
Why was everything so muffled? Why did I feel so heavy? Where was I? Wha—

The pain… the excruciating pain... Blackness…

*

*

*

Beeping…

*

*

Voices…

*

*

Darkness…

*

*

Empty...

*
*

*

I couldn‘t quite make out what I was experiencing until I heard my dad‘s voice,

―Bella? Oh thank heavens Bella.‖ And then he cried. Sobbed. And it was terrible to listen to. I
tried raising my hand to find him; my eyes were still adjusting to the light. My hand barely

twitched.

―Honey. My baby.‖ He sobbed harder still.

And I knew. I knew what was wrong. Why I was empty.

The baby, she was gone.

End Flashback

Sitting here in Edward‘s arms, remembering everything, yet not remembering enough, was so
hard yet so therapeutic in so many ways. He never asked me questions, never pressured me into
speaking, all he did was hold me and listen. Listen while I told a tale too surreal to be anything
but my reality.

After I told him my story and cried, and cried and told him my story, I fell asleep in his arms.
And his embrace and love and compassion kept my dreams at bay and gave me the most restful
sleep I had had in the last 8 years. Sleep that was not caused by sedation only love and comfort
and a sense of safety.

AN 2: I know not everything was revealed this chapter, but it will be soon. As to the
question of why she can’t have more? It will be explained in the next chapter. I didn’t
really plan for this chapter to go where it did, but as I wrote it just came out. Review and
tell me what you think. Any theories?

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Chapter: 12

AN: I just really need to warn you guys. This chapter is fluffy in the beginning, but this is
where we start entering the m-rating for Bella's past. It starts at the bottom. I just want to
give you fair warning that her tale is not a pleasant one, it's quite in-humane in my opinion,
and also very ethically charged. So now that you've been warned, proceed at your own risk.

Also, please let me know what you think in a review. Did any of you expect her past? Let
me know please ;)

And this chapter is dedicated to my amazing beta freakyhazeleyes whom I owe this chapter
to. I was really strugling with this chapter, and she helped me see the light. Thank you
babe!

Chapter 12

All I wanted to do was hold her, support her, comfort her, and love her. So I did. As she told me
her grizzly tale about being pregnant, about fighting with her ‗boyfriend‘, about her despicable
and horrendous excuse for a mother, and lastly about feeling empty as she woke up to having lost
the baby. I rubbed her back when she trailed off in sadness; I stroked her hair as she
contemplated what to say next. I tried to show her through my actions that I would support her
and that I would listen with an open heart and an open mind without being judgmental.

I was in awe of this beautiful woman who was walking around with half a heart. What astounded
me the most was not the fact that she‘d had to go through all of this and was still functioning in
society. No, what I found most astonishing was the fact that she was hurting for the adoptive
parents-to-be for not getting their little baby. She was genuinely aching for them; it seemed she
was hurting for them almost more than she was for herself.

I got the impression she blamed herself for the loss of the baby, and I hoped she would realize
that it was not her fault. I felt strongly that in order for her to overcome what had happened with
the baby girl, she needed to forgive herself and admit that it was not her doing. Hopefully she
would let me help her come to that realization. I desperately wanted to be the one she turned to
for help and comfort and strength. She was such an incredible person, and I wanted to be a part
of her life in any capacity she would have me.

It was amazing to hear her speak so lovingly about a being she was willing to give up—give up
to a better life with someone else no less. She was giving the baby up not because she didn‘t love
her, but because she loved her enough to give her what she knew she was not capable of at the
time. Her true character was shining through as she told me her story and I could not begin to
imagine what I‘d done to get such a strong and mature-beyond-her-years and beautiful woman to
love me.

It was clear that the part of her heart that was still intact was mine and I would give her all of my
heart to supplement her own missing one. Already it seemed as if she had gained some strength
from our connection seeing as how she was able to open up to me like that after only a few days.

There were still so many questions left unanswered as she fell asleep in my arms, but I couldn‘t
pressure her into telling me something she wasn‘t ready to yet. I just hoped and prayed she
would find the courage to open up to me fully and share with me everything from her past so I
could help her heal and move on.

I must have fallen asleep too as I lay there contemplating, because next thing I knew, I was
feeling gentle caresses around my eyelids. My lips involuntarily lifted at the corners, and my
arms tightened around the soft body now poised half-way on top of mine.

―Hello beautiful,‖ I said as I opened my eyes to take in the stunning woman in my arms. She
blushed, a beautiful red color staining her cheeks, before lowering her eyes from mine. Was she
embarrassed at being caught staring? Did she not know when I spent most of my time in her
presence, I was watching at her?

―What‘s wrong?‖ I asked her as I used my index finger to coax her chin up so I could look into
her eyes.

―Ummm... I guess I‘m a little…worried,‖ she said, her eyes looking away from mine again. She
tried to push off of me, but I wouldn‘t have that and pulled her closer to me so she was laying
flush against my body. She burrowed her face into my chest and wrapped her arms around my
torso.

―Are you worried about what you…told me earlier?‖ I asked her while gently running my hands
through her silken soft hair.

She didn‘t verbally answer me, but her body language confirmed my question. Her body went
rigid above me as she burrowed further into my chest. She gave an infinitesimal nod.

―Bella... do you really think I would think less of you after what you told me?‖

She tightened her hold on me, nodding again. I guess I could kind of understand her worry, but
did she not understand I was in love with her and all I wanted was to help heal her? Love her?
Protect her?

―Bella…I can‘t even begin to describe to you how much my heart hurts for what you‘ve had to
go through. And I have a feeling what you told me so far is only the tip of the iceberg. But Bella?
You have to know that no matter what you tell me? No matter what has happened to you in the
past? I would never, ever judge you nor hold it against you. . In particular, I could never hold
something against you when it was so undoubtedly out of your control!‖ I stopped to take a deep
breath, and felt Bella relax as my words sunk in.

―I will always support you. I want to help heal you, help your heart become whole again. I want
you to be able to tell me everything because you trust me, just as I will tell you everything
because I trust you. Because I do Bella, I trust you with all that I am. And I am so amazed by you
and your strength and you—―

I was caught off guard as her lips attached themselves to mine. At first I was unresponsive as I
was trying to process what she was doing. I must have taken longer than I thought; because I felt
her lips pull down and she was starting to pull away.

Hell no! I mentally scolded myself for letting her think I was uninterested in kissing her.

She was not getting away from me that easily. I took one hand and wound it in her hair, pushing
her face closer to mine as my lips hungrily sought out hers. At first she seemed confused as to
what I was doing. But she must have overcome that confusion really fast because next thing I
knew our lips were meeting more frantically and the pressure between us was growing.

I hesitantly parted my lips, not wanting to overwhelm her, yet really just needing to be closer to
her. She responded in kind by opening her mouth and poking her tongue out to lick at my lower
lip. I pushed my tongue out to meet with hers and we started a coordinated dance of the tongues.

We were both breathing erratically, almost panting in our need for both air and each other.

As our mouth‘s moved with the others, I used my free hand to run my fingers feather light up
and down her spine. I could feel her shiver before a low moan escaped into my mouth. And that
moan was almost my undoing, causing me to tighten my hold on her hair and pushing her more
firmly against my lips.

Bella moved one hand from around my torso, trailing it up my sides, just gently brushing my
body as it made its way to tangle in my hair. Once it reached its destination, she tangled her
delicate fingers into my hair and gently tugged in time with the movements of our lips. Her other
hand was firmly planted on my lower back and she was holding me to her as tight as she could.

I knew we were entering dangerous waters, and I didn‘t want to get too carried away. It was
damned hard trying to remember why this was such a bad good idea. I didn‘t want to stop, but
when I felt myself wanting to take it farther than I was ready to, I knew I needed to pull away.

In order for Bella to not feel rejected, I decided to pull away slowly by gentling our kisses. After
a few minutes she seemed to catch on to what I was doing and we gave each other one last brief,
but sweet kiss before she rolled off of me to lie on her back and threw an arm over her eyes.

Lying there, in her bed, with her warm body next to mine, I tried to still my heart and focus my
attention on regulating my breathing. After laying there for some time, I moved my hand over to
Bella‘s and entwined our fingers. Rolling onto my side, I perched my head in my palm, and
gazed down at her. Her face was loosing its flush, and her chest was rising and falling in a
hypnotically steady pace.

I used my hand entwined with hers; I uncovered her eyes from her behind arm.

―Hey,‖ I told her with a smile.

Her answering smile was blinding as she replied a breathy, ―Hi.‖

―Are you okay?‖

―Ummm…yeah! Right now I‘m a lot more than okay,‖ she trailed of, giving a short peal of a
laugh.

―Was that okay? I mean… ummm…did you—―

―Edward that was the best kiss I‘ve ever had. Ever!‖ she said as she stared me straight in the
eyes, almost willing me to challenge her declaration. As if I would. My ego had been stroked to a
massive size right now, and I was not about to deflate it by being humble.

―Me too, Bella. Me too,‖ I told her, bringing our entwined hands up to my lips for a chaste kiss.

―I should probably get up and make us some lunch, since its way past breakfast,‖ she started to

get up, but I brought her back down next to me.

―Let me! I want to make you some Norwegian pancakes for lunch, is that okay?‖

―Sure, but…what exactly does that entail?‖ she asked, biting her lower lip. Focus on the lunch,
Edward. Focus!

―They‘re like crepes, only better,‖ I told her as I winked.

―Oh, that sounds wonderful. In fact, you go right ahead and make me some of those while I call
my…ummm…while I call Doctor Masen.‖

I left her sitting on her bed with the phone in hand, as I made my way into her kitchen. Alice was
still out with Jasper, and I assumed she‘d be with him for a while, giving me an opportunity to
figure out what had happened with Bella last night. But just to make sure they didn‘t barge in on
my time with Bella, I sent Jasper a quick text explaining what was going on and asking him to
keep Alice away until I called.

I cracked a few eggs in a bowl I found in the dishwasher, and then whisked them together with
some milk. After adding just the right amount of flour, I added a tiny pinch of salt and a small
scoop of sugar. Getting some butter out of the fridge, I turned on the stove, put the pan on the
flame and melted the butter to a nice, golden brown color before putting some of the runny batter
in the bottom of the pan. The smell filling the small kitchen was mouthwateringly tantalizing.

As I made the pancakes, I was brought back to a memory of me and my mom making these when
I was just a little boy. It was the first thing I learned to make, seeing as how easy it was to mix
and cook. My mom had insisted that I learn how to cook so I could take care of any woman I
would one day share a house with. She had taught me many things since then, and I found myself
practically giddy at the prospect of sharing my cooking talent with Bella.

Just as I was finishing up the last of the batter, the table already set and orange juice made, Bella
came into the kitchen wearing her pajamas and fluffy slippers.

―Hey there, handsome, how‘s it comin‘?‖

―Perfect timing beautiful, it‘s all ready. Come here,‖ I beckoned to her.

As she came over to me, I placed an open-mouthed kiss on her forehead while gently squeezing
her shoulders before pulling out a chair for her.

―Why, thank you kind sir,‖ she mocked me.

I just threw back my head and laughed at her poor imitation of a southern drawl before taking a
seat next to her.

―So, how do you eat these?‖ she asked me after putting a pancake on her plate.

―Well, I like it with just a little bit of sugar and some lemon juice. My mom prefers blueberry
preserve, but seeing as how you don‘t have that I‘d probably suggest the raspberry jam.‖

I then proceeded to show her what to do by sprinkling some sugar over the surface of my
pancake, shaking some lemon juice on top of the sugar before rolling it up into a tube looking
thing. Then I picked up in my hands and proceeded to eat it. She laughed at me as I made
annoying little moaning sounds, but how could I not? These things were just so incredibly good.

After eating my share, meaning about eight of them, and after some mindless chatter about the
weather and movies and things, we finished off our meal by doing the dishes together while
standing next to each other in complete silence, just letting the magnitude of the morning roll
over us. I felt certain that this was the first of many shared mornings and I was looking forward
to it like a child on Christmas Eve.

After we were done cleaning up, Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me back into her room
where she sat at the foot of the bed, scooting back until she met the wall. Patting the empty spot
beside her, she motioned for me to join her. It seemed we were going to talk some more and for
some reason she was more comfortable talking while sitting on her bed.

―Sorry about coming back in here. It‘s just…this is my space, my sanctuary if you will, and I‘d
like to talk some more about my past with you if you don‘t mind. I think doing it in here will be
better for me…‖ She was so cute when she was rambling, but I didn‘t care where we sat as long
as she was willing to trust me enough to divulge her secrets to me. And I told her as much.

―Okay, well… I just spoke with Doctor Masen, she‘s my psychologist from back home. She‘s
been with me since the beginning of this hell. I guess I should explain first why I was so out of it
last night. I called her and talked to her about…my…feelings for you,‖ she hesitated, looking at
me, gauging my reaction.

―Did you tell her about this handsome man you‘re falling in love with?‖ I teased.

She blushed and nodded her head. I entwined our fingers again, putting our hands in my lap.

―Well, I told her about you and all that happened between us. I also… told her how I was
worried that maybe you would turn out to be like…‖ She didn‘t finish her sentence, but it was
clear who she was talking about. I automatically tensed as I thought about being compared to her
boyfriend, although why it was bad, I‘m not quite sure.

―She told me to trust you, to go with my gut instinct and to remember what she always says
about—― she cut herself off by placing her hand over her mouth.

―About what Bella? What does she say about what?‖

―Soul mates,‖ she whispered and I grinned like the idiot I am.

―Soul mates? Is that what we are?‖ I asked her, nudging her shoulder playfully.

―I-I-I kind of think so,‖ she replied in a somewhat stronger tone, although that ever present blush
was returning.

I touched our entwined fingers to her cheek as I gazed into her eyes, willing her to fully
understand the impact of my words.

―I think so too,‖ I told her softly, never looking away from her eyes. Her answering smile was
breathtaking, and left me burning for more.

―That‘s what I told her, and then she told me it was time for me to open up to someone who
would be able to help heal my heart and help me see the good in myself and others.‖

She fiddled with her shirt sleeve as she contemplated what to say next. I promised myself I
would stay quiet and just listen to her for as long as she needed to speak. I would comfort her
like I did last night, and I would show her that my heart was hers, hers to do with as she pleased.

―Edward? In order for you to fully know what I‘m dealing with I need to tell you everything.
And it‘s not a pleasant story. Not a bedtime story for little children or even grown men or
women. Will you be able to just listen without interrupting? I don‘t know if I will be able to
answer questions, and I know I‘m going to need to take my time on this without any pressure.
I‘ve never told anyone everything that has happened to me, and once I tell you, you‘ll be one of
just a handful of people who know. Can you handle it?‖

―Yes,‖ I answered without hesitation. ―I‘m here for you in whatever way you need me. Take
your time and please, please don‘t feel pressured. I‘m not going anywhere,‖ I told her with
conviction while looking straight into her eyes, rubbing circles on the back of her hand as I did
so.

―Thank you,‖ she said softly before pressing her lips gently to mine.

―Well, you know how I told you I woke up in the hospital. I‘d been unconscious for several days
prior to that, and before that I‘d been…missing for almost 4 days.‖ She took a deep breath, trying
to conjure up courage to continue reliving her nightmare. . I squeezed her hand in
encouragement, willing her to borrow some of my strength to get through her tale.

―When I woke up, and my dad told me the baby was gone, I thought I‘d miscarried. I was
wrong,‖ she whispered as a small tear escaped from here closed eyes. Looking at her beautiful
face, I could see the pain etched into her very skin; the crease between her eyes, the tight set of
her trembling lips, the narrowness of her closed eyes.

―I didn‘t miscarry, Edward. The baby was stolen from me, from her adoptive parents. She was
taken…harvested by Alec and his dad.‖

So, a little bit of pimpage again:

Good and Evil by bella c'ella luna, it is fabulous.

Guarding the pool by sendmeonmyway, it is very well written, and very fun!

You're not alone by The Romantically Inept, it is very good.

Make sure you go vote at twilightawards, and nominate your faves. link is in my profile. Also
keep you eyes open for a one-shot I'm submitting to the SMC contest.

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Chapter: 13

AN: Thanks so much to my beta freakyhazeleyes, you truly are amazing and help me so
much. Thank you! Link to her profile under faves on my fave. Check out her stories, they
are simply amazingly well done and an excellent read!

This chapter is dedicated to Sendmeonmyway for being such an encouraging ff friend and
for encouraging me to write my oneshots. Thank you babe. Check out her stories, they are
both in my faves and so well worth the read.

Last time: ―I didn‘t miscarry, Edward. The baby was stolen from me, from her adoptive parents.
She was taken…harvested by Alec and his dad.‖

Chapter 13

As I sat here, holding this amazing woman in my arms, I was overcome with grief for her. But
grief was not the only prevalent emotion in me, because the searing hot anger and unadulterated
hate I felt for those… those… monsters, was threatening to crush my very soul. It was pulsing
through my veins, branding my arteries with a fury I had never felt before.

How could one person go through something like that and survive? It was beyond me. But even
more than that, how someone could subject another being to something as cruel as what Bella
had gone through was incredibly hard for me to understand. I‘ve always known there was evil in
the world, but I had never come across it like this. How could they do that? Steal something as
precious as a baby‘s life before it was ready? It was barbaric, ruthless, and coldblooded.

I didn‘t know what to say to Bella, but felt like she didn‘t really want the interruption so that was
actually okay at this point. And sometimes there‘s nothing you can say. So I just continued to
hold her, brush her hair and squeeze her shoulders or hand as she spoke in a small whisper.

―I was about 24 weeks along and just the week before, the parents-to-be and I had gone shopping
together for some very cute baby stuff. It‘s strange, I know, but I became good friends with the
couple I chose. Their names were Garrett and Kate, and they were so excited to be parents. At
least I thought so…

―My dad said they‘d found traces of chloroform on my pillow and sheets, so they knew I had
been drugged and taken against my will. They also found some hairs on my pillow and by the
window. It took some time, but since my dad was the Chief of Police at the time he got it speed
up, and when the forensics results came back the next day the results were unbelievable to my
dad. It was a match to Alec, which wasn‘t that strange since he frequented my room a lot, but
they also found Doctor Cai‘s hair, and that was very surprising since he had never sat foot in our
house. But probably the most crushing piece of evidence was the match from Garrett.‖

She stopped talking, seemingly lost in thought, which was good at this point because I was
overcome with emotions. The adoptive parents-to-be were involved? Someone that Bella had
chosen to care for the baby she had been carrying, had completely betrayed her trust and helped
break both physically and mentally. But the question was why? Why had they done it?

―After they got the forensic results, they got court orders to search Alec‘s house, as well as Kate
and Garrets. Only, when they got to both of the houses, nothing was there. They couldn‘t find
anything at all. It was completely empty. All the furniture, all the pictures, all everything was
gone. My dad said it seemed they had just vanished into thin air.

―At Doctor Cai‘s office they said he had quit and was moving across the country to another
practice, but when they located that practice they had no idea what my dad was talking about.
Apparently he just gave them a name of some clinic when in reality he was fleeing everything
and everyone.

―At this point I had been missing for two whole days and a night, not counting the night they
took me. There were no traces of me, no clues as to where they could have taken me. My dad
called in to the show ―Americas Most Wanted‖ and told them my story. He made sure they knew
we didn‘t want my name mentioned because he wanted privacy for me in case they did find me.
There were alerts all over the state and since my dad had some really good friends in
Washington, they even got the FBI involved. It was a huge circus. The whole town was out
looking for me, scouring the woods, the lakes, the rivers, the beaches. They went through the
area with a fine tooth comb.

―No traces anywhere. My dad had almost given up hope and most of the town‘s people had
resigned themselves with the fact that I was dead. So they gave my dad all the support he needed
and more, but he didn‘t give up hope. He kept saying he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach
that told him I was alive, even if just barely.

―They put the search and rescue on hold that second night because of the darkness and the cold,
but the next day they were all out there going over everything again.

―Throughout all of this my mom was absent. My dad later told me that when he had first called

her and told her I was missing all she replied with was ‗Serves her right for holding onto a child
she doesn‘t even want. This is her own damned fault.‘ My mom and I haven‘t spoken since I was
in the hospital… anyway…

―The night of the third full day I‘d been missing, my dad was home with his best friend and his
son when he thought he heard something coming from upstairs. Being a cop, he took his gun at
the ready and went up there only to find it empty. So he searched the rooms, and had to mentally
talk himself into going into my room. And when he opened the door, there I was, laying in my
bed as if nothing had happened, except I was drugged, in a hospital gown and the baby bump
was gone.‖

And as Bella took a breath, breaking down in tears in my arms, big tears staining my shirt, I felt
empty inside. I felt my heart break over and over again for this beautiful girl in my arms. For her
dad and what he went through, for the loss of the baby, for the awful people whom had gained
Bella‘s trust and were going to become parents to her baby, for the horrible excuse of a mother
who didn‘t love her daughter enough. But mostly I felt my heart break for Bella, for all the things
she had lost at the tail-end of her childhood.

And I found myself clinging to her, big, wet tears rolling down my cheek and settling in her hair.
I felt like I couldn‘t hold her tight enough, close enough. I felt like I couldn‘t love her enough.
And I wanted to, no needed to do all those things.

Bella was holding onto me to, but her crying had lessened. She was running a hand through my
hair while the other was rubbing my arm. She was comforting me! I was so undeserving of her
love and affection, but I would never send her away because I felt undeserving. I would become
deserving. I would be whatever she needed, and I would love it because I loved her. I placed a
kiss on the top of her head before giving her a gentle squeeze, telling her silently to go on.

―Are you okay? Is this too much?‖ Was she really asking me this? If her pain was too much? If I
didn‘t want to hear more because I was hurting too much? She truly was something else,
worrying so much for someone else‘s pain when she was obviously suffering more than me.
Selfless to the core, and it made me fall for her a little more. And I knew that I would never be
able to come back from this fall. She was my everything and I would spend the rest of my life
proving it to her, as long as she would have me.

―Bella,‖ I said, sounding somewhat shaky. ―My heart is breaking for you. I can‘t even— I don‘t
know how you‘ve lived through this. But I want to hear everything you want to tell me. It‘ll help
us grow closer, and it‘ll help you so much to finally get it off of your chest. I want to hear it, but
it is hard too.‖

I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

―Please, don‘t stop. It hurts to hear what you had to go through, but—―

―I know it hurts. It hurts me too. So very, very much. But at the same time it‘s helping me to tell
you all of this. I feel like a weight is coming off of my shoulders, like I can breathe a little freer. I

realize now how much more I‘ve hurt because I‘ve kept it to myself for so long. And I trust you,
more than I‘ve ever trusted another person before and I know this is important. Are you okay if I
go on?‖

―Yes.‖ It was all I could say, and all that was really needed to be said. So she settled back into
my arms, drawing them close around her torso before continuing.

―As soon as my dad saw me, he called for his friends and they called 911. I was rushed to the
hospital where I was immediately taken into a intensive care room so I could be checked out.
They had no idea what to expect, but what they found was heartbreaking on so many levels.‖

She stopped talking, while a hand started tracing her lower abdomen. Her free hand found one of
mine, and she interlaced our fingers, squeezing them tighter to each other. I pulled her in close
with my free arm, putting my chin on her shoulder. And we sat like that for a long time, lost in
thought. I felt I knew where she was going with this but I wasn‘t sure if I really wanted to have it
confirmed. I was scared to admit it to myself, so I just waited for her to continue her story when
ever she was ready.

One thing I had decided, while listening to her ordeal, was that I would make her enjoy her life.
Give her something to live for. Something to love. Something to make her enjoy her life. It
would be hard, but not impossible. It would be my mission in life, and she would be my life from
now on.

―My dad was not allowed in the room with me. He put up a big fight at first, even going as far as
punching a hole in the wall before finally agreeing with the doctors. Although, in all fairness, he
shared with me later that the only reason why he agreed to wait outside is because he didn‘t want
to see me undressed,‖ she chuckled a little bit before sobering up again.

―I was still unconscious at that point, and was kept that way medically for another few days. I
had some severe bodily trauma, and the doctors felt it was best if I was asleep, so to speak, until
my body had had a chance to regulate.

―The first thing the doctors noticed when they removed the hospital gown was that the baby had
been surgically removed by c-section. The gauze that normally protects the stitches or staples
had been removed and they determined that it had been done at least two days before. It had been
crudely done, and upon closer inspection they found that I had developed an infection at the
incision mark. I had a very high fever, border-lining dangerous, and after a pelvic exam they
found that I had an internal infection also. Basically, my…uterus had been damaged too badly
and the infection had had enough time to set in, leading me to have to…have a Hysterectomy.
Alec‘s and his dad‘s actions caused me to never be able to have children again.‖

And this is where she broke down, sobbing uncontrollably, shaking and trembling in my arms.
And I felt defeated. I wanted so much to take her pain away, to give her everything she wanted.
And now I had just been told I would never be able to give her the one thing that would forever
bind us together. Not that having a child was the only way to do that, but to be told that someone
had stolen that gift from her, robbed her of natural motherhood. It was devastating on so many

levels.

And so I cried with her, rocking us both back and forth as my hand joined hers in tracing where I
now suspected the scar was hiding.

So, I'm wondering how many of you are actually reading this. I'm having fun writing it,
but the lack of reviews is making me less motivated to keep writing it. Is it worth
continuing on with this?

On a lighter note, check out my other stories if you haven't yet. And keep your eyes open
for my oneshot I'm doing for the SMC contest. I'm excited for it :)

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Chapter: 14

AN: As always, a huge thank you to my amazing beta freakyhazeleyes, go read Fallen, it's
amazing.

Second, a huge thank you to my friend sendmeonmyway for being my go-to person and for
being such an awesome plot helper. You are amazing my dear!

Come play on the thread over on twilighted, it's a fun place to be :)

Oh! And don't forget, we're dealing with ethically challenged and sensitive stuff, and it
shows this chapter!

Chapter 14

So here I sit having just divulged my deepest, darkest secret to someone I‘d known only a
handful of days, and yet I didn‘t regret it. It had been incredibly hard to open up about the loss of
the baby and the loss of my ability to carry any more children on my own, but at the same time it
had been very freeing, almost liberating in a way to not be the only one knowing this burden.

Not that I had ever really seen myself as the mom type growing up, but after I got pregnant I had
fully expected to one day have my own children. After I was married and settled of course. But
now, that could never happen…

And that was partly the reason of why it had been so hard to get over. I had felt so broken. Not
just for the obvious reasons, but because I knew I would never be able to give any potential
boyfriend or husband their own flesh-and-blood child. And that made me feel like I was a failure.
Like in some way I was not a real, complete woman since I couldn‘t complete the most basic

female ritual; a ritual that has been carried on for thousands upon thousands of years.

All because that boy I thought I‘d loved, and his vile and utterly repulsive dad, had decided to
end my pregnancy much too soon. And for what? Why in the name of all that is good did they do
it? In all the years since it had happened, this was the one question I kept asking myself over and
over.

The truth was I had never really expected to receive an answer, because the only people who
knew had been missing since I was kidnapped. They could have asked Kate and Garrett, I guess,
but the dead don‘t speak. Not out loud anyway. And certainly not to semi-sane, intelligent
people, that‘s for sure.

Just a couple of days after I‘d been released from the hospital, Kate had been found with her
neck broken, stuffed in a bag tied to a rock at the bottom of the local lake. Some local diving
group had gone on an expedition and apparently come upon the bag. An autopsy later showed
that she had been victim to something similarly to me, only she had never actually been
pregnant. Apparently all of her eggs had been harvested in a grizzly kind of way. I didn‘t know
any more details than that; my dad didn‘t think it would be good for my sanity and my healing
process to know more. But what I had been told was that she was considered a victim as well and
not an accomplice and that I should not blame her. She was innocent as far as the police and the
FBI were concerned. And I believed so too, now.

It had been hard at first to come to terms with this new information, but after thinking and
pondering on it for several days I realized she had not been a willing participant in my fate. I
suspected she hadn‘t even known what had been planned for me, and I‘d like to think she was
killed because she hadn‘t liked my outcome once she‘d found out about it. I imagine she had
tried to protect me, or in the very least protect the baby. I wanted to believe in her innocence
because she had been too caring and too loving and excited for the baby to be born, to have
wanted the pregnancy ended pre-term. Why else would she have wanted to go shopping for baby
stuff if the baby wasn‘t even going to be able to use it? No, I was confident she was not a part of
it.

Garrett, on the other hand, was a whole other subject matter entirely. He had still never been
found, and I firmly believed he was a full participant and planner. After doing some major
digging around in several files and doing some photo comparisons to mug shots, my dad had
found that Garret had had a record under a different name. As James Connor he had been
convicted and jailed for everything from murder and rape, to drug dealing and petty theft,
starting as early as 10 years old. His rap sheet was longer than most and showed him as a callous
man without any thought of decency and respect for his fellow man.

While in juvie, he‘d worked his way through school and actually had been able to proceed to
high school. But when he was jailed again he gave up on school and got a GED instead. After
that, he took a break before starting college classes, and believe it or not, actually got a Masters
Degree in Molecular Cell Biology with a Minor in Anatomy.

Upon being released his last time, he had disappeared off of the grid, apparently assuming the

name of Garrett. It was assumed that he had somehow met Dr. Cai while working on his Masters'
degree in prison. Records showed that Dr. Cai had been one of his online instructors, and had
even come into the prison in person to check on James‘ progress. No one had thought anything
of it at the time, but now, years later, I couldn‘t shake the feeling that they had been planning
together even back then. Although, what they‘d been planning was a mystery to me, a mystery I
desperately wanted to know.

I had a suspicion that whatever had brought them together in the first place was somehow related
to my delivery. It was strange too, but at times I couldn‘t shake the thought that something
bigger was going on, and that Kate and I were not the only victims in this whatever-it-was. I also
doubted that whatever had been going on back then was over now. Wherever those evil men
were, they were sure to be doing something morally wrong and damaging to other women.

Settling further into Edward‘s embrace and pulling his arms tighter around me, I let out a sad
sigh.

―You know… one of the hardest things about all of this—‖ I had to stop and take a deep breath,
trying desperately to still the tears I knew were threatening to fall. Edward moved my hair from
the right side to the left before placing a very sweet and tender kiss on my cheek. The loving
gesture pushed my tears to the top, and they started trickling down.

―I never…never knew…wh-what happened…with the…b-b-baby,‖ I managed to get out
between deep sobs. This was a subject I didn‘t ever talk about, not even with Dr. Masen. It was
just too hard. We had tried a few times, I just couldn‘t do it. I had only ever been able to talk
about it once, right after I met Dr. Masen. It had been so heart wrenching that I just couldn‘t do it
again. Maybe I could though now that Edward was here. Was I strong enough to? Was I strong
enough not to?

Edward squeezed me tighter and started rocking us back and forth. He started singing me a song,
and I didn‘t understand the words because he was singing it in Norwegian, but the tone and the
feel of it was so soothing it calmed me almost instantly. It brought visions of hope for the future
to my minds eye and I was captivated by the melody of the sweet song Edward was sharing with
me.

En liten pike på en fem-seks år.

Så jeg I parken hvor jeg turer går.

Da hun fikk se en svale,

Jublet hun så glad.

Jeg ble så rørt av det den lille sa.

Fly lille fugl med små vinger som du har.

Fly Lille fugl ta en hilsen med til far.

Han er der borte der hvor engler bor,

Han er der borte,

Det forteller mor.

Jeg skal nok skrive bare jeg blir stor.

Jeg skal på skole,

Det forteller mor.

Fugl, vil du gi ham denne blomsten ifra meg?

Rekker så frem en blå forglem meg ei.

Fly lille fugl med små vinger som du har.

Fly Lille fugl ta en hilsen med til far.

Han er der borte der hvor engler bor,

Han er der borte,

Det forteller mor.

When Edward‘s voice carrying the last note died, my tears were dried and my face felt stiff while
my head was pounding. My eyes were heavy, dry, and achy. But I felt peaceful and I felt hope,
but most of all I felt love. Edward had just given me a very sweet and important part of himself
and it made me feel like I could handle just about anything. Maybe, just maybe I could pull off
talking more about the baby? Did I dare?

―Bella…‖ Edward‘s voice was like a sweet caress on my skin. ―Are you okay?‖

―I will be,‖ I sighed.‖ The truth is, I haven‘t actually ever talked about…you know…what
happened to,‖ I took a deep cleansing breath before continuing. ―To the baby after it
was…taken.‖

―Do you want to?‖ Edward murmured in my ear, one arm freeing itself to draw circles on my
abdomen, right above the scar.

―Yes,‖ I whispered. ―But I‘m scared,‖ I admitted.

―What are you scared of beautiful? Will you tell me?‖ he continued, his circles still being drawn,

the pressure just slightly harder.

―Ummm…mostly I‘m afraid of…feeling…too much… of being broken…all over again... and of
having the pain being opened like a fresh wound.‖

―Bella,‖ he sighed. ―I can‘t pretend to know what you‘re going through, and what you‘re feeling.
But I promise you that I‘m here for you, and I will be as long as you‘ll let me,‖ he finished with a
kiss to the back of my head.

―Always,‖ I whispered. He didn‘t respond, but I felt him relax a little behind me.

―I‘ve not been able to talk about…that part of everything since I first met Dr. Masen. It…it
didn‘t go too well. I ended up having to be sedated. After then, we tried, but it was too much, and
I eventually just refused to talk about it. Dr. Masen never pushed me about it either, she said I‘d
be able to open up and talk about it when the time was right. Looks like that time might be now,‖
I mused, only half-serious.

―After I was found my dad convinced the FBI to search Alec‘s house once more to see if
anything had been over looked by chance. As it was, chance is what opened some new leads in
the case. And it also posed a hell of a lot more questions.

―While they were going through the basement, one of the Agents tripped on something and when
he reached out to steady himself he accidently grabbed onto a frame. As his weight pulled one of
the corners, it seemed to trigger some kind of pulley system, because on the opposite wall of this
frame, a hidden doorway appeared.

―The agents went inside, and were floored by what they found. There was a huge room, set up
like a medical lab with a small hospital-like room to the side. In this lab-room there were blood
spinners and coagulators and x-rays and all kinds of intricate research stuff. It had not been
cleaned very well, and it looked like it had been left in haste, because vials of blood and other
things had been left behind still in the equipment.

―In the hospital-like room on the side there was a bed with bloodstained sheets, which they found
belonged to me upon a forensic analysis. And in the trash there were gloves and pads and
…ummm…other…things still coated in my blood, but also…the blood of someone
else…sharing my…DNA.‖

I had to take another deep breath to calm myself. This was harder than I had anticipated. I could
feel my heart being broken, a tiny fissure cracking the scarred surface. I could still feel the tears
making their way to the surface and my throat felt dry and scratchy: A sure sign I was going to
cry. But I pushed through it, I needed to continue. I needed to get part of this off my chest, to
lighten the burden I‘d carried for the last eight years.

The whole time, Edward sat silently behind me, lending strength and just keeping me together in
one piece with his mere presence.

―In the lab-room there were several hospital grade freezers, and when the FBI Agent‘s and the
backup police force opened one of them they found it held medical containers with…human
tissue, human eggs, and…semen. There were a couple of Isolettes‘ in both rooms, and one had
been knocked over and some—I can‘t. Sorry.‖

I started crying again and Edward just held me like he had all day. I was so emotionally worn out
I didn‘t know left from right anymore.

―Bella?‖

―Mhmm?‖ was all I could respond with. My throat was really sore from all the crying and
talking. I felt like my eyes were going to be glued shut from being so swollen and red. I placed
the butt of my palm in my eye socket and pressed down, trying to relieve the pressure.

―I think you‘ve done enough talking, okay?‖ Edward murmured quietly in my ear. I could only
nod as a response. ―Let‘s order some pizza and maybe watch a movie. A comedy?‖ he suggested.

―That would be great. It would help a lot right now actually,‖ I whispered in a still shaky voice,
my palms still pressed to my eyes.

―That‘s what I thought. Here, I‘ll go order the pizza while you go get some Tylenol or Advil for
your head.‖ I let my hands fall to the bed and hesitantly opened my eyes, turning my head to
look at him questioningly and he just chuckled.

―I‘ll meet you in the front room, okay?‖ he said as he pushed me forwards slightly so he could
scoot out from behind me. Giving me a kiss on the cheek, he stood up and walked into the front
room, leaving me behind with my thoughts.

I had most definitively just had some kind of breakthrough. Dr. Masen would be so proud of me.
That thought caused me to blush. I hated when she praised me, but at the same time, I felt really
proud of myself too.

The fissure in my heart was still there, but it was not bleeding as much as I would have initially
anticipated. It hurt of course, but there was also some relief in knowing I‘d been able to actually
voice some of…those…thoughts out loud.

As I got up from the bed I looked at the time. Five thirty in the evening. We had sat on my bed
all day talking and crying and being emotional. No wonder my head was pounding. I needed
some Tylenol stat before my head split in half.

As I stood up straight I noticed that the room was spinning, like I was standing on waves.
Turning my head from side to side I felt like my brain was rattling loose inside.

―Damnit,‖ I muttered as I recognized the signs of having forgotten to take my Effexor last night.
I hated this feeling, like I was in a vacuum container that was being shaken. But it also explained
why I‘d been so overly emotional all day. It really affected me easily if I forgot a dose, and it

didn‘t happen very often. But last night Edward hadn‘t known I had pills I needed to take
everyday.

Sighing, I made my way to the bathroom, filled the glass I always kept in there, and opened my
medicine cabinet and got some Tylenol and my Effexor out. Throwing all the pills into my
mouth, I swallowed then down with the water.

Afterwards I used the potty, and after washing my hands I took a washcloth and soaked it in cold
water before laying it on my face. I took the time to put pressure on my eyes again and I could
finally feel some of the tension behind my lids evaporating. After I was done, I took one look at
my reflection and then made my way out to Edward, feeling more drawn to him than ever and
hoping against all hope that he really, truly meant it when he said he‘d stay as long as I wanted
him to. Because I would never want him to leave. Ever.

It seems I lost some of you the last couple of chapters with the development. I'd love to hear
your thoughts. So, review?

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Chapter: 15

AN; Hi my lovelies. I'm so glad to be back! Yep, it's been alittle while, life happened, ER
happened...ninapolitan's contest happened...

I need to take time to Thank the wonderful beta I have for this story. Freakyhazeleyes, you
are amazing and I would not be writing this if it wasn't for your continued support. I owe
you the inspiration I get for this fic. Thank you!

Chapter 15

While Bella was in the bathroom getting her meds, I made my way into the front room. I had a
plan for a movie, but I wasn‘t sure if she had even seen it, never mind actually owned it.

I made my way over to the entertainment center. There were shelves upon shelves with movies.
They were in alphabetical order, set in accordance to genre. So I looked for the Comedy
section… Hot Shots one and part Deux, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Stewardess School …
Aha…here it is, Top Secret. Bella truly is a girl after my own heart.

Now, to set the stage for some lightheartedness. Bella was in sore need of some. My heart and
mind were still reeling from everything she had told me. And I was angry, so very, very angry!
Who the Hell did they think they were to steal what wasn‘t theirs? And then, due to carelessness,
have her never be able to experience it again…

I almost punched the wall, I was so furious. Bella, sweet innocent Bella. She deserved better than
some lowlife who kills and wounds children. Bella was a child at the time, and they hurt her
almost beyond repair… To think I might never have gotten the chance to meet her…

If I ever happen upon those people…well…let‘s just say I better never have to ever get near
those people.

I shook my head to free myself from the depressing, angry thoughts, and focused on getting
everything ready. I wasn‘t sure how long Bella would be in the bathroom for so I had to work
fast.

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the chairs and a couple of stools from the island. I carried them
into the front room and set them up in a half-circle. Starting on the sides of the TV, I left just
enough room for the TV to peek through the opening. Next, I ran into Bella‘s bedroom and
grabbed the quilt and pillows from her bed. I picked up the throw she had over the rocking chair
in her room and when I got back to the front room I searched for some more blankets.

I found one smaller one and two huge ones over the backs of the couches and threw them onto
the pile. Now to decide what goes where…

I eventually decided to double-up the quilt on the floor, placing the pillows in the middle for us
to lounge on, with a smaller blanket to cover us with.

I found some paperclips on the kitchen counter and used them to secure the blankets to the
chairs. And voila; a fort fit for a princess.

I pulled out my phone and called the local pizza place Jasper had so kindly plugged into my
phone the second I got to his, now our, place.

―The Pie Pizza Place, this is Heidi, how can I help you?‖ droned a voice on the other end.

After I ordered, I decided to text Jasper really quick.

B is better. Watching movie and eating. Don‘t come back yet.

While I waited for his reply, I made my way back into the kitchen and got some plates and some
diet cokes from the fridge.

I‘d just made it to the fort and put the plates and drinks down on the quilt when my phone
beeped, signaling a new message.

Good! Will keep Ali here til tomorrow. Call later!

I typed a quick reply before silencing the phone, and put it on the table. I wanted tonight to be as
stress free and low-key as possible for Bella and myself, so I would not be answering the phone.

When I looked back up, scanning the area for the eyes I felt on me, I was stunned, yet again, by
the simple beauty Bella exuded. She was standing in the doorway, just watching me. She was
leaning against the frame, her arms crossed in front of her chest, all her weight on one leg, the
other crossed in front of her.

She was the picture of ease. That was, until I saw her face. There was tension there, and some
lingering pain. I wanted, no needed, for Bella to be relaxed and have some down time without
carrying around the weight of the world on her delicate shoulders.

―Hi beautiful,‖ I called to her softly, my lips instantly pulling up at the corners. I couldn‘t help
but smile when looking at her beauty.

―Hi there handsome,‖ she replied, her tell-tale blush creeping up. ―What‘s all this? Did you build
a fort?‖ she chuckled.

―Why, yes, my lady. I did in fact build you a fort. Do you like?‖ I asked in a silly voice, just
trying to lighten the mood. It must have worked because she let out a beautiful sounding peel of
laughter before running over to me and wrapping her arms around my waist. She gave me a tight
squeeze before resting her cheek on my chest. I wrapped my own arms around her, securing her
to me, and placed my chin on top of her head. I never wanted to let her go and I prayed she
would never want me to go either.

―I love it. Thank you, Edward,‖ she replied in quiet tones. ―I haven‘t built a fort in years,‖ she
said as an after thought.

―Yeah… well, you didn‘t exactly build this one either missy,‖ I pretend-scolded her, causing her
to laugh out loud.

―I suppose you‘re right,‖ she replied.

She pulled out of my embrace, my arms immediately feeling empty without her in them, and
looked up at me from under her lashes.

This girl was doing things to me, making me feel things no one else had ever come close to
achieving.

―So, what kind of pizza did you get?‖ she asked, still looking up at me, dazzling me in my tracks.

―Ummm… sorry…what?‖

―What kind of pizza did you get?‖ she repeated, her smile growing. Did she know what she was
doing to me? And why was I reacting this way to her?

―Oh! Yeah, I called The Pie Pizza Place and ordered a large Hawaiian with bacon and extra
cheese.‖

―Oh... mmmm…That sounds fantastic right about now,‖ she replied, licking her lips. Would it be
wrong of me to kiss her? Would she be…I don‘t know…scared of me if I did?

―Yeah,‖ I replied in a shaky voice. ―It‘s my favorite kind. You have to have bacon on the
Hawaiian, it compliments the pineapple perfectly,‖ I stated, trying to rein the overabundant
hormonal attack I was feeling. I was this close to attacking her… this close…

And when she made that ‗mmmm‘ sound? Heaven help me, but I was losing my mind. Fast.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head in an effort to clear my thoughts. But my eyes shot open
when I felt her palm on my cheek, her thumb rubbing softly, gently across my lower lip.

Looking down at her, I saw that her focus was completely on my lips, on her thumb moving back
and forth. Something inside me was heating up, warming me in the most delicious of ways.

―Edward…‖ Bella breathed my name, like a flutter of an angel‘s wings. ―Would it be okay…? I
mean… can I kiss you? I know we already…but—―

I cut her off with my finger to her lips.

―Bella… you never have to ask to kiss me,‖ I responded before removing my finger and touching
my lips to hers.

I tried to be gentle, I really did, but I couldn‘t control the sudden urge I had to just be close to
her. I fisted one hand in her hair, the other wrapped firmly around her waist, pulling her as close
to my body as she could go.

She responded in kind by putting one of her petite hands in my hair and tugging on it, while her
other hand wrapped around my neck, pulling my face closer together with hers.

It was the most intense kiss I had ever had, far overshadowing our first kiss the night before. And
I thought that was amazing… I could barely contain myself, and the sudden urge my body was
experiencing was making it harder to not completely ravage her right there.

My hand wrapped around her waist, snaked its way towards her back where it trailed up towards
her hair. Once I could feel the soft locks, I grabbed onto it, and pulled as gently as I could.

―Bella.‖ It sounded somewhere between a moan and a plea, I just didn‘t know what I was
pleading for…

―Bella, we need to…stop.‖ I hoped she didn‘t take this as rejection.

I released her hair and placed both hands on her waist, placing my forehead against hers.

―I know,‖ she replied in a shaky voice. ―It‘s hard to not get caught up, though. I‘m sorry,‖ she

closed her eyes, and bit down on her lower lip, chewing on it.

―Don‘t. Please…don‘t be sorry. I like it. A little more than I should,‖ I replied, feeling my cheeks
heat at the admission. I took a deep breath, deciding to be upfront with her.

―I can‘t believe I‘m actually telling you this, right here, right now. But here goes…‖ I exhaled
before pulling in a new, deep breath. Closing my eyes, I opened my mouth.

―I‘ve… I‘m… okay… I‘m not exactly experienced in...this kind of thing.‖ I felt utterly
humiliated. Not because of my conviction of abstaining until marriage. No, I felt humiliated
because I was coming across as some stupid, weird—

―Edward,‖ Bella‘s voice reached my ears, her tone light. ―I don‘t care about that.‖ Opening my
eyes, I saw the honesty shining through hers.

Then, in a more serious tone, she added, ―I‘ve not been this close to someone in almost 8 years
Edward. You… you‘re the only one I‘ve wanted to be close to… Just kissing you is better than
anything from…‖ her tone turned markedly darker, ―…my past,‖ she finished.

I smiled tenderly at her and cupped her face in my hands, leaning down to place a kiss on her
forehead.

―Let‘s have some fun and get rid of this melancholy feeling, okay? There is a fort fit for a
princess, and the movie is awaiting you beautiful.‖

Just as I finished speaking, the doorbell rang.

―I‘ll get it. It‘s the pizza,‖ I said, making my way towards the front door. ―You climb into the
fort and get comfy, okay?‖ I yelled as I reached the front door.

I heard her reply, but I couldn‘t make out what she said. I did, however, hear the laughter, and
my heart instantly warmed.

Opening the door, I gave the delivery guy some cash after grabbing the pizza. Then I closed and
locked the door securely, and to make sure we wouldn‘t be bothered, I locked the deadbolt.

Making my way back into the front room, I decided we needed to have a rule for the night.

I placed the pizza on the quilt, just inside the fort, and then grabbed the plates and the drinks
before crawling in and sitting next to Bella.

―Okay, beautiful. First things first. There will be no melancholy, no depressed thoughts, and no
sadness inside this fort. It‘s a happy zone. All other feelings need to be left at the door, or in our
case… flap, okay?‖

―All other feelings?‖ she asked coyly, and I couldn‘t stop the chuckle.

―Yes, no lusty feelings from you miss Bella, okay?‖ She rolled her eyes at me.

―I agree to the terms, kind sir. But if I feel so inclined to kiss you, may I?‖

―I already told you, you don‘t ever have to ask. So that‘s a given,‖ I responded, and leaned down
to capture her lips with mine in a sweet and gentle kiss.

―Now… I believe you‘ve seen this movie before, seeing as how you own it and all.‖ I rolled my
eyes at myself, causing Bella to chuckle. ―But I just have to say… If they find out you've seen
this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory.‖

Bella busted out laughing, shaking hard, tears streaming down her face. It was glorious to watch,
and I couldn‘t contain my mirth. It was simply too beautiful to see her so carefree and happy. So
I joined in the laughter, barely able to catch my breath.

―That… that was… t-too…funny, Edward,‖ she finally managed to get out after her chuckles
started dying down.

―So…do you approve of the movie then?‖ I asked her, knowing she would.

―Yes! I love this movie. What‘s not to love? You have hunky American heartthrob going into
occupied West Germany to sing his famous songs. You have ridiculous banter, and laughs a
million… Yes, I absolutely approve of this movie.‖

―Good. Only one last thing,‖ I said before gently pressing my lips to hers again. ―Okay, I lied,
two more things; People change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate…‖

Bella broke out in laughter again, and I knew tonight would be a taste of the semblance of
normalcy she so desperately needed, craved even. And she was willing to put herself out there
for me. We had broached the seriousness of her past and come out on top, still close, still
trusting. I knew we were nowhere near done with it all, but I had hope that as long as she would
stay with me and let me in, she would be okay. We would be okay together…

So we sat together inside the fort, everything but happy thoughts and laughter banned from the
inside, as we cuddled together eating pizza and watching ‗Top Secret.‘

So... by show of hands; how many of you came and read after freakyhazeletes suggested
you do so in her AN in Fallen? I'm just curious, because that was the most hits I'd had to
this story so far and it was amazing. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me
when you read what I write, so thank you!

My pimpin for this time is easy, they're all stories I beta. And they are fantastic, all of
them. They are all vastly different but so very well written I feel priviliged to be able to
beta for these amazing authors. So go check them out and send them some love. Tell them I
sent you :)

Lost in the Past, Found in the Future by Nothingtolose15

Matter of Convenience by amgglekim

Sin City by Namariel (also known as SilverSeaGull over on Twilighted, and Gaviota on the
forums)

Show Me by booboo (dot) kitty (FF is being weird, so there should be a 2.0 behind it but it
won't let me... just pretend for me?!?)

Testing the Waters by booboo (dot) kitty

Lucid Dreams by Verlore

They can all be found on my fave authors and fave stories!!!

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Chapter: 16

AN: Thank you to freakyhazeleyes for being the most awesome beta for this story. I owe
you big! And I owe you a public apology for a bad judgment call. Thanks for calling me out
on it. I appreciate all the work you put into this story and without you I would not be even
half as good as I am with this story!!!

This chapter is dedicated to SilverSeaGull for being an awesome friend, and for writing me
an amazing story for my birthday. Go read it, it’s amazing. It’s called “Behind Enemy
Lines One Shot; Dragonfly”

Chapter 16

To say our short time together in the fort was a hit, would be an understatement. A very gross
understatement, really! The free, lighthearted feel of those few hours spent together there helped
bring Bella and me closer together. It bonded us in a way I had not thought possible. We had
been able to just sit together, wrapped around each other in a tight but comfortable embrace, just
being. No pressure for talking, touching, anything. Just being together like that, with respect and
love and safety emanating from every surface — it was more than I had ever thought possible for
anyone.

We had spent a lot of our time, previously, talking about her past, a past not even a horror movie
would be able to portray without going too over board, making it beyond unbelievable. I was still

in such awe of this woman whose life had been altered beyond recognition by the carelessness
and evil of others. Yet she had come out on top.

True, she still had a long ways to go, but I knew she would make it and I suspect she was starting
to see that as well. If not, I don‘t think she would still be hanging around me, encouraging my
affection. And she had been encouraging my affection, as I had hers.

It had now been almost a week since the night of our ―Sacred Fort‖ experience, and things had
been progressing nicely. We had only been able to spend a couple of hours together here and
there over the course of the last week due to her schedule though. She had picked up a bunch of
extra shifts since she‘d missed out on two days of work, and because she was also going to miss
out on a few days next week.

I had started looking for work as well, even looking into maybe taking some classes at the local
college. Yes, I had a degree, but it didn‘t do much over here. I couldn‘t teach with my specific
degree from Norway. I‘d looked into it and found I needed to take some added classes to bring
me up to date. Also, I had to take the required classes I needed to be able to get my teaching
license over here. But I was still undecided…there were some other things I had wanted to try.

I was considering two other possibilities as a career move. One of them was working as a travel
agent. The one strong bonus about this option was that it didn‘t require a degree past a
bachelor‘s, which I already had. And I had an advantage over others wanting to work in the field.
Having lived outside the United States for the majority of my life had provided me the
opportunity to visit all over Europe and even some places in Asia. I held a good amount of
knowledge when it came to traveling and what places to visit, and I knew I would enjoy helping
people find their perfect destinations.

The other option I was considering was maybe doing some more schooling to become a nurse.
The local College had an excellent Nursing Program, and I only had to take a few more pre-
requisites to be able to put my name on the waiting list. The thought of helping people was very
appealing to me. Especially now that Bella was such a big part of my life, I could truly see
myself happy working as a nurse at a rehabilitation center or in a Neuropsychiatric Hospital.
Knowing that I would be able to help people that had been through similar things as Bella, was
something I would be proud of doing, and something I knew would make my hours I had to put
in at work worth it.

Given that Bella and I hadn‘t had the opportunity to spend a whole lot of time together, when we
did, we made sure it was just the two of us. So far, all of our time together had been spent in her
apartment, either watching a movie in the front room or playing board games in her bedroom.
Alice had monopolized some of Bella‘s time as well, claiming she missed her best friend and
needed her for some good old girl time. Or as Bella so lovingly referred to it as: Torture Time
Alice Style, also commonly known as TTAS. So, Jasper and I found ourselves sitting at home on
several nights, just hanging out and talking and reminiscing about the crazy old days back in
Norway. He apparently hadn‘t shared a lot of the stuff we got up to, with the others, and I had
devised a plan to make Bella laugh again like she did on our Fort night.

Every night before she went to sleep I would send her a text with a funny movie quote followed
by one new thing I loved about her. It would be things like:

―I love how generous you are,‖

Or,

―Hearing your laughter makes me want to do stupid stuff just to hear it over and over,‖

Or,

―When I close my eyes, I see your face, and I can‘t decide if I want to run to you as fast as I can
or keep my eyes closed to continually see your beautiful face.‖

And my personal favorite, only because of how true it really was,

―I love the feel of your hand in mine.‖

So far, no more nightmares had been reported and Bella had been doing good sleeping at night.
Alice confided in me that she suspected the reason why Bella was sleeping better now and over
all just doing better was because I spent so much time showing her that I cared for her as person,
as a woman. She told me Bella didn‘t think she‘d ever find someone who would want her broken
body. The thought that Bella considered herself to be too broken for love made me angry, and I
vowed to Alice, and myself, that I would always show her that I wanted her and that I loved her.
She was not broken, only damaged. And that damage we would fix together, her and me. So far
we were doing a pretty good job of it too.

I knew Bella didn‘t like me not being there with her at night, but she hadn‘t asked me to come to
her either, so I didn‘t ask. I had to admit I was missing being close to her at night, but I was not
going to push her. I just hoped she‘d call me if she needed me there.

We had not broached the subject of her past again; both of us having an understanding that it
would come in time. And it seemed that time was fast approaching.

Bella called me last night asking if I would be willing to go home with her this coming weekend.
She had an appointment with her therapist, and the therapist suggested I come with her. She had
sounded so unsure about it all, like I was going to reject her and tell her no. I had to admit I was
a little surprised at first. I didn‘t think this was regular procedure. But after I thought about it, I
realized that nothing about Bella was regular procedure, and if she wanted me there, then Hell, I
would be there. There was nothing I wouldn‘t do for my Bella. My Bella…it had a nice ring to
it…

So I agreed. It would give me a chance to meet her father; I had a few things I wanted to discuss
with him, without Bella knowing of course. And I really was curious to meet this Doctor Masen.
Bella spoke so highly of her; I couldn‘t help but admire the woman. And Doctor Masen held a
special place in Bella‘s heart, subbing as her mother-figure, and I had to respect her for that. I

had a feeling she had gone above and beyond for more than she had ever been recommended for.
It was obvious to me, through Bella‘s passionate talks about her, that Doctor Masen was the
reason Bella was still alive. And for that I owed her my deepest gratitude and admiration.

―Hey, babe…what‘cha thinking about?‖ Bella‘s quiet voice brought me out of my reverie with a
gentle kiss to my palm. We were currently sitting on the couch in my apartment, waiting for
Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Rose, so we could start the weekly movie night.

―Nothing,‖ I answered her, pressing a kiss to her temple. ―Just running things through my head,
you know? I‘m really looking forward to meeting your dad, but mostly I‘m just excited to finally
meet the woman whom I owe my happiness to,‖ I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her
tighter, putting my chin on her shoulder, and nuzzling her neck.

―Bella… I don‘t know what I‘d do if I‘d never met you. At the risk of sounding very cliché and
cheesy— having you in my arms makes me feel complete. It makes me feel like a man. And I
like this feeling. I like feeling like my arms were made to hold you. And I like feeling like my
lips were meant to kiss yours, and I love feeling like my eyes were made to see you and only
you.‖

―Edward,‖ she sighed as she placed her hands on top of mine, pressing my arms tight to her
chest. ―I-I feel…I feel the same way baby,‖ she said, and I could hear the tremble in her voice. I
knew she was close to crying.

―Bella, don‘t cry, please?‖ I told her kissing the top of her head.

―Sorry,‖ she laughed weakly. ―I‘m happy. These are the good kind of tears, I promise,‖ she
finished, taking a deep breath.

―Hey, since we‘re waiting…can I show you something? Something from Norway?‖ I asked her,
suddenly remembering the Russedrakt, the jumpsuit I wore the month before sitting for exams. I
had it hanging in my room, and had a feeling she‘d find it totally hilarious that I wore it everyday
for a full month, never washing it because you just can‘t. I wanted to share some of the
ridiculous stories from Graduation with her, what I did and what some of my native friends got
up to.

―Yeah?‖ she answered hesitantly.

―It‘s in my room,‖ I told her. But then I thought about it and was struck with how seedy it
sounded. ―Umm…sorry, that sounded…yeah. Anyway, I want to show you something I‘ve got
on my wall,‖ I finished somewhat lamely.

―Edward,‖ she said, turning her head to look into my eyes. She was smiling, and she was
breathtaking. I almost forgot to breathe as I looked at her happy, peaceful, serene face.

―I trust you. And you know…I‘m not opposed to going into your room,‖ she replied coyly,
winking at me. I almost chocked on air as she said those last few words. If she only knew how

far she was pushing my resolve.

―Okay beautiful. Let‘s go then.‖

We walked hand-in-hand into my room. Even through the narrow hallway, where she was
leading the way while I guided her from the back, we never let go of each others hands. It was
something we did while we were together; always touching in one way or another. I felt antsy
and lonely if she was near and we weren‘t touching. It seemed she felt the same, and that made
me incredibly happy.

I guided her to my room, leaning over her to open the door. Once my hand was on the knob, I
stopped her.

―Okay, one thing you should know is…I like having things on my wall. Pictures, art, mementos,
pretty much anything that makes me happy goes on my wall. So be prepared for that. Also…‖ I
can‘t believe I didn‘t think about this before. Not that this would be the first time we‘d been
together on a bed, not by a long shot. But it was the first time in my bed. And that had the
potential for heart fail for me. Or, in the very least, it had potential for a massive lust fail…

―I‘m a dork, and I forgot…there‘s no place to sit but the bed…or the floor,‖ I threw in as my
cheeks started heating up. Bella looked up at me and I could see she was trying to hide her
amusement. She placed a gentle hand on my cheek and I couldn‘t help but lean into her soft
palm.

―Edward,‖ she said softly. ―Stop worrying. I told you, I trust you. I‘ll go anywhere with you.
And sitting on your bed with you as we talk isn‘t any worse than laying on my bed sleeping or
sitting on my bed talking.‖

She pressed a tender kiss on my lips and my worries melted away. She had effectively calmed
me by trusting me, by loving me. She was amazing and she was mine.

I hugged her to me, kissing the top of her head before opening the door, spinning her around in
my arms, and walking her into the room, closing the door behind us. I was shutting the rest of the
world out by closing the door. I wanted it to be just Bella and me.

―Okay babe. Sit right there on those pillows.‖ She sat where I directed her, while I walked over
and, after some struggling and a few choice words, while Bella laughed at the general messiness
of the walls of my room; I finally was able to get the Russedrakt and the hat down.

―What in the world is that Edward?‖ she chuckled, a hand cupped in front of her mouth, trying to
hide her laughter.

―This, my cute little girlfriend, is not to be mocked,‖ I told her as solemnly as I could manage.
But her beautiful, happy laughter did me in and I plopped down on the bed next to her,
Russedrakt in hand, shaking with my own laughter. Man, she was beautiful…and she was mine.

She eventually calmed down, although the smile continued lighting up her beautiful face,
warming me on the inside. I would never get enough of her.

―So…youngling,‖ she mused, causing me to snort. ―How ‗bout you tell me what this is?‖ She
fingered the sleeve of the jumpsuit, pulling gently on a loose thread.

―Well, Master,‖ I replied. ―This here red jumpsuit is what I wore every single day for one full
month; the month before I graduated high school.‖ Bella immediately dropped the sleeve and
wiped her hand on the duvet of my dyne. She looked at me with an arched eyebrow, eyes slightly
filled with disgust.

―What? It‘s true. And no, it can‘t be washed. If I washed it all the signatures and stuff on it
would be washed off,‖ I told her as her eyes grew. I was enjoying her reactions immensely.

―See all the writings and stuff? My friends and even my parents signed it. It‘s tradition to have
your classmates and friends sign your suit when you put it on. It‘s kind of like a yearbook of
sorts. The jumpsuit I mean.‖ I was kind of surprised Jasper hadn‘t told her about this.

Everyone wore one their senior year the month before sitting for Exams. During that month
before exams, the seniors in High School are called Russ, and they are recognized by wearing
these suits and hats.

Being a Russ was considered a symbol of breaking free from the necessary shackles handed
down by parents intended well-being and protection of the young generation. It marks
accomplishing high school even as the festivities take place prior to the final exams, and it is also
a rite of passage, an abrupt way of ending childhood and entering into adulthood.

―Jasper never told you about this?‖ She shook her head no. ―Hmmm…he‘s been holding out on
you. I‘m going to have to gentleman slap him across the cheek with a glove. You don‘t happen to
have a white Michael Jackson glove, do you?‖

―Sure, I carry one with me in my back pocket everywhere I go,‖ she replied before doubling over
from laughing so hard. Her disgust with my red jumpsuit was momentarily forgotten. I just
shook my head at her, enjoying how easily we could banter with each other.

―So, Jasper had one of these too?‖ she questioned after she caught her breath.

―Yeah, he did. And I can‘t believe he never showed you. That‘s blasphemy!‖

―Yeah, well…Jasper will have to deal with Alice once she finds out that he wore one single piece
of clothing day in and day out for one month straight. Can you imagine?‖ She shook her head,
bewilderment filling her eyes, but then they went comically wide and she smiled as she turned
her head toward me. ―Oh, wait. You can,‖ she poked me in the side, giggling again, a teasing
glint replacing the bewilderment. I poked her back, smiling.

―Okay, first…I have to defend myself and say…we do wear something underneath, besides

boxers I mean. I always wore jeans under mine. If not, that‘d be just plain gross!‖

I thought I heard her mutter something along the lines of ―yeah, wearing jeans under it makes it
so much better,‖ but I couldn‘t be sure.

―Okay, well little lady, if you‘re too grossed out I‘ll just have to put it back on the wall and not
tell you my –―

―No! No, please, I‘ll control myself, I promise,‖ she laughed. ―I want to know what shenanigans
you got up to. Spare no details please?‖ She was just too cute. I never planned on not telling her
anyway, but to have her asking me to hear it was nice.

―Okay, so…everyone in Norway wears a jumpsuit like this the month before they graduate. It‘s
like a month full of parties, dares and plain old fun— hey, you promised!‖

―Okay, okay, I‘m done!‖ She made the motion of zipping shut her lips and locking it with a key
before throwing said key over her shoulder. I chuckled at her silliness, completely and utterly
mesmerized by her.

―So…oh yeah! They cost about twenty dollars and the hat is about five dollars. The color of your
suit depends on the high school you attend. Did Jasper explain to you how the high schools work
over there?‖ She wouldn‘t understand half this stuff if she didn‘t know how the school system
worked.

―Umm…he mentioned something about applying to the high school of your choice? Kind of like
how we apply for College over here? And that your grades from junior high decide what high
school would admit you?‖

―Yep. That‘s it in a nutshell. There are four main different types of high schools in Norway, and
each type has schools in different places. So you don‘t necessarily go to the one closest to you,
but rather you go to the one that offers what you want to study. There are schools for general
studies, general studies coupled with economics, vocational schools, and schools focusing on
agriculture. With me so far?‖

She only nodded, trying to open her lips but acting like it didn‘t work because they were sealed
shut. I laughed. Hard! And her eyes were shining with amusement. We were having fun and she
was happy. It was such an amazing feeling to know I was helping make her day a little lighter.

―You are too much,‖ I told her, leaning over and pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek.
Straightening, I continued my little rant on high schools and being Russ.

―Okay, so…with those four choices come four different colored jumpsuits. The American School
back in Norway wore red because it‘s considered a general studies school and that‘s the color
those schools use. It‘s also, by far, the most common color. The schools that offer general studies
with economics wear the color blue. The vocational schools wear black, and the agriculture
schools wear green. The green and black are very rare and hardly ever seen in the cities. Mostly,

they‘re out in the Podunk country side,‖ I laughed at myself. It was true that they were more
common in the hickish parts, it just sounded so pompous of me to say it out loud.

―The whole month is like one long party full of insane things. See this hat?‖ I held it up for her to
see, the hat part in my hand while the string in the back was hanging down between us.

―This string right here…see the chicken bone and caps and knots and stuff tied into it?‖ She
nodded, her eyes wider than saucers.

―When you‘re a Russ you have a list of things you can do to earn knots and other things in your
hat. You have to do it in front of the Russe-presidency of your specific school, or someone they
choose to oversee it. There are specific things on a list that every

Senior in Norway gets, and everyone gets the same prize for accomplishing it. Like this, for
instance,‖ I said, fingering the chicken bone.

―I got this when I tackled a freshman in my school to the ground and bit his leg for everyone to
see.‖ I heard her snort, trying to not make a sound.

I remembered this stunt perfectly. I had watched the poor kid all day, deciding he would be the
perfect victim. It was right after lunch and we were heading outside when I saw him walking
across the lot with his friends. I knew I just had to do it so I ran at him, lunged and caught his
legs, pulling him to the ground. I pulled up his pant leg and bit down, and then got up and
walked away like nothing had gone down. I actually got a lot of praise from the student body for
that one. Even some of the teachers loved it.

The memory made me chuckle. In fact, all of my Russe memories made me smile and chuckle.
There were just too many funny things to do during those few weeks that normally would be
frowned upon. But they were expected and almost encouraged during that time.

―You think that‘s funny? Just wait…there so many more things to share with you, young
Padowan. Okay, see this first double knot? I got it for staying up forty-eight hours in a row. The
knot below it was for twenty-four hours in a row. I did all three nights in one and I was so tired
by the end that I slept for almost twenty hours straight, when I finished all my hours.

―This lid? I got it for chugging a half gallon of milk in 3 minutes. This stick I got for spending a
night in a tree. It was painful actually…‖ I had come down from that tree with leaves everywhere
and sap in my hair. In fact, you could still see traces of the sap on one of the sleeves… Not
something I‘d want to do again. Bella was shaking, trying to contain the laughter from escaping.
She was clearly enjoying this

―This wine cork? I got it for chugging a wine bottle in less than twenty minutes. It
was…entertaining to say the least. I did it at the end of my seventy-two hour stint, and I crashed
as soon as my time was up. It was…funny! Not quite as funny when I woke up with a banging
headache in a hammock tied between two trees in Jaspers back yard… wearing a Speedo.‖ At
this she busted out laughing, snorting in air. And I joined her. It was very liberating.

―This is epic win Edward. Please tell me you were alone in this hammock?‖ she chocked out
between gasps of laughter.

―I wish I could tell you that, but alas, it would be a lie,‖ I sighed, trying not to chuckle. ―Jasper
was there too, next to me, his feet in my face…‖ I blushed at the memory. That really was
something we had no recollection of— how we got in that situation.

―Why are you blushing? What are you not telling me? Come on Edward, tell me! Don‘t you trust
me?‖ she finished while pinning me with her deep eyes.

―You. Do. Not. Fight. Fair.‖ I told her, poking her ribs.

―Never said I would,‖ she responded cheekily.

―Fine…he was wearing his moms one piece swims—― I got cut off by her loud laughter. She was
actually pounding her fist on her thigh, shaking her head back and forth.

―W-what t-the hell d-did you g-g-guys do?‖

―To this date, we can‘t remember how we got there. Needless to say, we burned his mom‘s suit
and then heated up some fire stokers and poked out our minds eyes,‖ I chuckled while she
snorted again.

I continued telling her about some of the other knots I got, like the ones I got from spending a
lunch hour eating in the round about by the school, and for eating one pound of chocolate in five
minutes— my jaw was so sore afterward I couldn‘t eat anything for the rest of the day. We
laughed a lot and had a great time, just enjoying each others company and laughing at my
expense.

―Last thing I want to tell you is not my proudest moment, but it‘s so funny I can‘t not share it.

―So… every Russ gets these Russecards to hand out to friends and family. And little kids collect
them and will stop you on the street for them. It‘s a fun tradition…anyway…these cards are like
calling cards, or business cards if you will, and it has your name, school, year and a personalized
slogan on it, along with a picture of yourself.‖ I reached into the breast pocket of the suit and
pulled out one of my cards.

―Here‘s mine. Read the slogan.‖

―How ironic. Another day and I would have completed my tunnel.‖ Bella looked up at me, eyes
bright.

―Yeah, I‘ve always liked that movie. And it‘s hilarious how he used a broken spoon to make that
hugely perfect tunnel complete with lights and pavement and paint stripes…it‘s just way too
funny,‖ I finished. Bella just shook her head, looking back down at the card.

―Okay, so… during the time you‘re a Russ, they have these two days where every school is
trying to get the most points by collecting the most cards from the opposing colors. Usually it‘s
just a battle between the red and the blue. So, on these two days they have what they call
Russenapping. Basically, if you‘re wearing your jumpsuit on either of those two days, you can
and most likely will get kidnapped by the other colored Russ. If you give up one of your cards
they‘ll let you go, but if you refuse they‘ll do something to you.‖

Bella‘s eyes grew wide. ―Are you serious?‖ she asked, awestruck.

―Yep, completely,‖ I laughed. ―It‘s all in good fun, and most of the time everyone gets a chuckle
or five out of it. So…I was downtown on the first of these days. And I‘d forgotten what day it
actually was until I got to the school. I was safe there but as soon as I was downtown after
school, waiting for my bus to take me home, I was not safe anymore.

―So there I was, waiting for my bus when I heard this voice yelling louder than loud, ‗There‘s a
red one, let‘s get him!‘ I looked up and it was a Russevan filled with blue Russ. And they‘d
spotted me. I started laughing, and could hear them laughing hard behind me as well. I ran, as
fast as I could, to the nearest bus. And I‘d just made it up the first step when and arm grabbed my
waist and another grabbed my leg. I latched onto the door, suspended in air, held up by these
blue jumpsuit guys that wanted my card. The bus driver was pissed and basically kicked us all
out, swearing up a storm about stupid high schoolers.

―So the blue guys sat me on my legs, holding onto my arms, telling me I needed to give them a
card each since I got caught. I told them no, of course, and they were not happy. They tried to get
me to walk with them, but I didn‘t want to, causing them to have to pick me up and carry me.
They brought me to the nearest light pole smack dab in the middle of the downtown area where
all the busses meet, and they duct taped my arms and legs to the light pole. And left…‖

And Bella was rolling again, laughing super hard. I could honestly say I had never seen her look
so happy and carefree since I‘d met her, and I was exceedingly happy about that. And I laughed
too, because I remembered all the looks I got while stuck there. Everyone walking past me
laughed and just shook their heads.

―How the hell did you get out of that mess?‖ she managed to ask after calming down a little bit.

―I actually was stuck there for almost thirty minutes before a red Russ from another school came
and ripped the tape off and I ran to my bus and went home and changed. They never did get one
of my cards and I was proud of my accomplishments. Fat luck that was, the blue still won.
They‘d collected almost twenty more cards than us red Russ. Oh well, it‘s a good story,‖ I
laughed. It really was funny to me. How many people could say they got taped to a light pole
during their senior year? Not many! It was epic win.

―Why do they do those kinds of things? Is there a reason for it,‖ she asked after our laughter had
died down and a comfortable silence had enveloped us.

―Not really. It‘s like a last hurrah before leaving your childhood and entering real life.
Adulthood. It‘s the last time you can do something stupid and not have it count against you. At
least, that‘s the reasoning we‘re all given,‖ I laughed. I‘d never actually thought about it. It was
just something we did. But my explanation helped me see it for what it was. A last ditch effort at
being carefree before everything you did was supposed to have merit…

―Thank you Edward,‖ Bella said after a while, leaning closer to me, placing her hand on my
thigh. ―I desperately needed to laugh like this. It was… liberating… and I haven‘t laughed like
this in many, many years. Thank you!‖ Her hand on my thigh was causing the room to get hotter,
and I was wondering exactly what she was thinking about.

―You never have to—― was all I got out before her lips were on mine. So I guess I knew what
she was thinking then. And I was quickly put on the same path.

I fisted my hand in her hair, bringing her face closer to mine. I was just about to deepen the kiss
when I heard a very annoyingly chipper voice.

―Bella, Edward, are you here?‖ Alice was not going to be on my happy list right now.

Bella gave me a quick peck on the lips before disentangling herself from me and skipping out my
door and into the lions den. I sat there thinking about this night and all I‘d been able to share
with Bella and all the light heartedness. And I was grateful we had this time because I knew
going home to see the therapist this weekend would not be a happy time for Bella. Hopefully I
would be able to find something to help her see the light again.

With that thought I joined Bella on the Love Sac, her placed between my legs, leaning on me. It
was bliss and it was right, and I hoped it lasted a life time.

AN: I’ll post some pics of the Russe stuff and also a website you can check out for more
info, on the thread. Come play with us there…

Now, go read “The how to guide.” It’s a collab between myself and kinolaughs and it’s
hilarious and I love writing snarky Edward.

Also, make sure you read kinolaughs “Before the Wedding.” It’s made of win.

And I want to pimp amgglekim’s “Matter of Convenience.” It’s also made of pure awesome
and you’ll love it.

Now, I’m asking for reviews as a b-day gift because today (march 2nd) is my b-day, and I
think reviews will make me happy. The best gift I could ever get ?

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Chapter: 17

AN: Hi my lovelies. I am excited to bring you this chapter. It is short, yes, but Bella makes
some self discoveries here.

I also would like to bring to your attention that I’ve entered the Support Stacie Author
Auction. You can come bid on me and I will write you your very own story. Whatever you
want. Bidding will start Friday, April Third, and end Monday, April Sixth. Come bid on
your fave authors and help support a very important cause. The link is in my profile, and
also here, just remember to take out the spacing

http : // www . majiksfanfic . com /phpbb/ viewforum . php?f = 101

Oh, and as always, this chapter gives a huge shoutout to my amazing beta freakyhazeleyes
who is the best beta I could have ever asked for, for this story. Thank you!

And this chapter is dedicated to my friend Lady_QE for reading and reviewing each and
every chapter. You don’t know how much that means to me.

Chapter 17

I was anxious.

I was nervous.

I was scared.

I was overwhelmed.

I was grateful.

I was hopeful.

I was… happy.

I was so many things at the present time; it was hard to pinpoint the exact emotion from one
second to the next.

Sitting in the waiting room was always an experience in and of itself. I didn‘t like feeling like
everyone knew why I was there. Not that anyone ever really paid attention to me. Even more so,
no one was ever actually in the room waiting. It was more just the fact that when the previous
patient was done, they‘d walk out the door and spot me sitting there.

Yes, I knew they were there because they, themselves, were there because they had their own

issues. I just kind of felt like I had a sign on my forehead that said, ―Look at me. I‘m crazy!‖

I would take those feelings over this, though. Sitting in the office waiting room was nothing
compared to sitting in Dr. Masen‘s private office in her home.

I couldn‘t even tell you what it was about it that was so hard either, because the rest of her house
felt like home. I had been here often enough to know where everything was and what I could
expect in every room… except this one.

Maybe that‘s why I was feeling so many multitudes and facets of emotions. This time was
different. This time I wasn‘t alone for my ―appointment.‖

If someone had told me last year, or even last month, that I would find someone to trust and fall
in love with, I would have laughed at them. Never, in the last eight years, had I ever felt I would
want someone else or need someone else.

But here I sat, on the couch, next to the one person who had ever really made me feel alive. Who
had ever really made me feel… safe.

I grabbed onto Edward‘s hand, lacing our fingers together. Looking at him, I saw the same
emotion I saw every time — love.

I smiled at him and he smiled his crooked smile back, giving my hand a firm squeeze. My heart
stuttered in its beats before it picked up speed. My eyes closed of its own accord, my smile
getting bigger by the second. The small gestures Edward showed me always made me happy.

―Bella, I‘m so glad you‘re here,‖ Dr. Masen said, causing me eyes to fly open and my smile to
falter.

―Edward, I‘m really, really glad you decided to come today.‖

―She asked, and I‘m glad I came too,‖ Edward replied, sincerity strong in his words, as he started
rubbing little circles with his thumb.

I looked at Edward again, taking in his features much like I did almost every time we were
together.

His jaw was strong and had a light dusting of stubble on it. Not too much, just enough to make
me want to run my thumb over it. I loved the feel of it under my skin. It was prickly and kind of
poky… it almost tickled.

From his jaw my eyes always travelled up to his lips. Beautifully, full, soft, warm and inviting
lips made for me to kiss. I had never thought I would feel a desire to kiss someone again… I
hadn‘t kissed a boy on the lips since… before I was taken.

I was surprised to feel such a strong emotion related to kissing Edward. It awakened parts in me

I‘d thought dead - destroyed when my body was broken. I‘d be lying if I said I‘d never felt some
kind of want for physical pleasure in the last eight years. But with Edward it was different. It was
desire. Almost a need.

For the first time since my body had experienced the invasive destruction and theft of life, it
wanted to feel intrusion. It wanted to feel… full. An ache and loss I had never experienced
before was flowing through my veins whenever Edward was near.

And these thoughts scared me. I trusted Edward… I just didn‘t trust myself. What if I got scared
of him? Not because of anything he‘d do but because of my mind. Alec was my first and my last
and the associations I had with things that reminded me of him still left me shaky.

True, I was getting better. Edward had given me more than I could ever explain to him. More
than I could ever possibly give in return. He had given me hope for the future. Hope that I might
be able to experience physical and emotional intimacy again.

―— done. If you want?‖

―Bella? Are you in there?‖ Edward nudged my shoulder.

―Huh?‖

―Pretty lady, are you here?‖ Edward asked, a mix of amusement and worry present in his voice,
as he ran the back of his hand down my cheek

Huh? Oh… they were talking. To me!

―Sorry,‖ I said, blushing like mad. ―I got caught up in some thoughts.‖

Edward quirked a brow, causing my blush to deepen and making me look away.

―It‘s okay Bella. I was just suggesting you show Edward here some of the local sights after we‘re
done. Show him some of the places you frequented growing up?‖

―Right… ummm… yeah. I guess… if you want to see?‖ I wasn‘t sure how I felt about taking
him around everywhere. There were still some places I was not ready to go yet. Places I hadn‘t
been to in the last eight years. Places I doubted I could ever visit again.

―Baby? What‘s wrong?‖

―Ummm… honestly?

―Bella, always honest. I only ever want honest from you. No matter what.‖

―I‘m…‖ I blew out a breath, biting my lip. Closing my eyes, I inhaled and took my hand from
Edward, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I pulled my legs onto the couch, feet planted on

the cushion, the knees pointing up, and placed my arms on top of them. I was kind of folding in
on myself but I couldn‘t help it. It made me feel better. Less exposed.

―There are places I‘m not ready to go yet. I‘m afraid. I don‘t know if I‘ll ever be able to go there
again.‖

I could feel the tears forming, threatening to fall, and I was getting frustrated. I hated showing
how weak I actually was. Not that my weakness was a secret, just… it would have been nice not
wearing it on my sleeve constantly.

―Baby,‖ Edward whispered, wrapping his arm around me and tucking me into his side. He used
the thumbs on his free hand to wipe a stray tear from my cheek.

―Please don‘t cry,‖ he murmured. ―You don‘t have to show me anything you‘re not ready for.
I‘m happy knowing whatever you want to share with me.‖

I straightened my legs, folding them at my side so I could more comfortably lean against
Edward. I unfolded my arms and lay my hands in my lap, playing with my fingernails.

I contemplated what Edward just told me. He was always so encouraging and caring, putting my
needs first. He had never given me reason to doubt him. Not once.

And I knew I wanted to share everything with him. At least everything I was able to remember…
willing to remember. Maybe, with time, I would come to terms with all of my past so I could
fully move forwards… move forwards with Edward at my side.

I gave a short nod before placing one of my hands on his thigh. Holding onto Edward, I was
steeling myself to talk.

―Bella? Why don‘t we start with what you‘ve shared with Edward so far?‖ Doctor Masen
suggested.

AN: This might seem like an insignificant chapter, but it’s important to Bella, important to
her recovery and also for her relationship with Edward. She had a couple of epiphanies of
sorts that will aid her in the coming chapters.

These stories are excellent and in need of some more love and are therefore pimped by
yours truly. I love them ALL!!!

Work in Progress by araeo

The Arrangement by LustraLex

Lucid Dreams by Verlore

Reluctance by irebportie

The Pink Chandelier Escorting Service by LadyQE

Sin City by Nemariel (on FF) SilverSeaGull (on twi)

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Chapter: 18

AN: Hi peeps. I know, it’s been a while. And to be honest, it’ll probably be a little while
before the next update. RL has been, for lack of a better word, insanely crappy.

I have to admit I’ve lost some steam for this story… on Twilighted anyway. My FF readers
are amazing and make me want to keep writing with all their amazing reviews. My
Twilighted readers don’t review as much so sadly I don’t know what they’re thinking.

This chapter is dedicated to three very amazing people.

~First is for Twinie/Ady for not only reading and reviewing, but for visiting the thread and
for PM’ing me and just overall making me extremely happy.

~Second is for Araeo, you are too amazing for words!!

~Third is for amgglekim, my girl, who has been sick and dealing with stressful RL and still
found the time to read and review every single one of AIU’s chapters, and also beta the
monster that is THTG. Mwah!

~And, last but not least, a super humongous shout-out and massive hugs to
latuacantante4him who bid and won a story for the Support Stacy Auction. Yay! She owns
me and when the story is done, she’s been so kind as to let me share with the rest of you.
And share I will…

As always, a super ginormous thank you to freakyhazeleyes who helps me make this story
the best it can be and I could never do it without you, nor would I want to! A huge thanks
to all the amazing people who stepped up to the plate and helped her deal with the
Plagiarized and stolen story that is Healing. If you haven’t yet, go read it!

Chapter 18

Meeting Dr. Masen, or Elizabeth as she insisted on being called, had been everything I‘d thought
it would be, and more. She truly was an extraordinary woman, and the love, concern and
compassion she had for the sweet woman currently resting in my arms was obvious.

I was more than comforted by the knowledge that Bella had this woman in her life, and it was
reassuring to see the connection they both shared. She was Bella‘s mother-figure, a sorely
needed mother-figure at that. Of course, I had hopes that my own mom would able to have part
in this role as well, some day.

Being in Elizabeth‘s home office, talking about Bella‘s past, was hard. I knew most of the things
already, but some things were new, and not something I had enjoyed hearing. But I knew it was a
necessary part. I wanted nothing more than for Bella to be healed. For her to be happy, to enjoy
life.

I‘d seen some brief moments of it when we first met, how she had taken to me so quickly. It was
something we discussed with Dr. Masen at great length. How our connection had been
established so strongly, so quickly.

Flashback

―Bella... Tell me about how you felt when you first met Edward?‖ Dr Masen asked. ―Or should I
say when you tried to take him out with your body?‖ At this, we all laughed. It was pretty funny,
when you thought about it.

―Well,‖ she answered after sobering a little. ―I can‘t tell you how it was to crash into him,‖ she
smiled. ―But I can tell you what it was like to wake up in his arms.‖ And here she blushed. I
loved her blush. It was always such an honest reaction. My grip on her hand tightened a little, to
show her I understood.

―You know, as well as me, that trust has been hard the last few years. I have Alice, whom I trust
with my life. Then there‘s Rose, Emmett and Jasper. We‘ve all been close now for years, but it
took me a really long time to let down my guard with the guys. To trust that they would… not
hurt me. They had to earn my trust. And they did.‖ She took a deep breath.

―Well… when I woke up after knocking myself out on Edwards‘s chest,‖ we laughed at this
again, ―I remember feeling safe. Safer than I ever have in my life. Remember what I told you?‖
she asked me, turning to look at me.

―Yes, I remember. You said you‘re super clumsy, which is really no lie at all,‖ I joked, ―and then
you said you were used to it because it happens to you a lot. But you also said that you felt safe
in my arms, protected,‖ I finished, bringing our entwined hands up to my lips, giving her a soft
kiss. This woman was so amazing, and she was all mine.

―Yes. And that is the truth. The only way I can really describe it is that I felt like your soul
latched onto mine, almost like we just found each other again. Like we were old lovers,‖ she
blushed again at this part and looked down to her lap, ―meeting up after years of being apart.‖

―Bella? Remember what I told you on the phone that day? About soul mates?‖ Bella nodded,
though I was slightly confused. I knew about soul mates of course, but not—

―Edward, you look confused. Let me tell you what I‘ve told Bella before, because I really, truly
feel like this pertains to you.‖ I nodded to her as Bella unlaced our fingers and placed her warm
hand on my thigh. I placed my hand atop hers.

―I believe very strongly that people come into our lives for a purpose. For a certain experience.
Now, don‘t get me wrong here. In no way do I believe that Bella needed for Alec and his dad to
break her. Not at all. But it can‘t be denied that you learned something while being with him.
You learned something about yourself, about your environment, about others around you.‖ Both
Bella and I nodded. I agreed with this, even if it was hard to hear.

―Could you have learned this some other way? Possibly. But since it happened the way it did, we
take away from it anything remotely positive. That way we don‘t linger on the negative.‖

At this I wanted to freaking kiss Dr. Masen. I mean, sure, Bella must have heard this before, but
it didn‘t make the point any less valid. I fitted my fingers more closely around Bella‘s hand and
squeezed. This was important, what Dr. Masen was saying, and I really hoped Bella got it this
time. Maybe with my help she would…

―And meeting Edward the way you did? Bella, I‘m certain it had to be that way for the two of
you. Why? I‘m not so sure… maybe it was to amuse the rest of us?‖ She smiled at her own little
joke… that would never get old.

―I think it was something you needed… to literally be knocked on your ass. To see that not all
men are like Alec and Dr. Cai. That Edward is it. Because Bella? Looking at the two of you,
there is no doubt in my mind that he is.‖

Bella sighed and seemed to be struggling for words. I wasn‘t unaffected by what had just been
said, but I was more worried about Bella at this point. My own freak-out moment could come
later. Alone.

―Bella,‖ Dr. Masen sighed and moved out of her seat to come kneel next to Bella. Grasping her
free hand she looked into Bella‘s lowered eyes, her free hand running soothingly across Bella‘s
hair.

―Bella, you don‘t have to say anything right now. But you need to think about it. Think about
how much sense it makes for you to have found your soul mate. I think it means you are finally
ready.‖ Bella looked up startled, meeting Dr. Masen‘s look wide-eyed and… shocked.

―It means you can move on more freely; make a future for yourself and for Edward. One where,
eventually, the two of you will be one. And—―

―One?‖ she whispered in a squeak. ―What do you—―

I knew I needed to say something here before she freaked out too much, and in turn freaked me
out.

―I think, what she‘s saying, Bella, is that if we grow together, move on together, we can
eventually end up much like she has with her own husband. One day, in the future, when we‘re
both ready.‖

Dr. Masen looked up at me with a mixture of gratitude, wonder and astonishment flickering in
her eyes. I was both pleased and putt off by her reaction. Did she not think I understood what she
was trying to explain? But then I dispelled those thoughts fairly quickly; this was about Bella,
not me.

―Yes, that is what I was getting at. Bella, maybe at some other point we can talk about that.
Alone. But right now, I think we‘ve had a pretty exhausting session. For all of us. But mostly for
you. You have a lot of things to think about. Let me just finish what I had originally meant to say.

―When I first met Ian I knew as soon as I laid eyes on him that he was the one. We clicked, just
like that, and we were pulled towards each other and never looked back. It was like we had been
away from each other for an immeasurable amount of time and had finally found our way back
to each other. Just like you described with Edward.

―But Bella. Don‘t let these feelings scare you. Just let them happen. Don‘t fight them; just
embrace them for what they are. Give yourself this happiness. You need it. You deserve it.‖

End Flashback

We were currently lying in Bella‘s bed after a long day of walking, talking, thinking, sharing and
crying.

Bella had taken me to her high school… or rather, the school she had gone to up until she had
been hospitalized. After the whole ordeal with the baby she had had a tutor the rest of the year,
being home schooled in a sense. She‘d had the chance to graduate with her friends, but had opted
not to. In fact, she told me she had not ventured back to any of her friends, excluding them all
and withdrawing from the community as a whole. She‘s only gone out to see Dr. Masen and
even that didn‘t happen for several months after she‘d been home.

Being back at the school did not sit very well with her so we moved on rather quickly. In fact,
being back at the school had shaken her more than she had been willing to openly admit so I had
feigned tired and we‘d gone to her home. I was ―napping‖ only she was the one asleep while I
was still thinking.

I heard Charlie‘s cruiser pull up and decided this was as good a time as any to talk with him,
since Bella was asleep anyway.

So I carefully pulled my arm free from under her, making her roll over towards me as I did so.
She was so beautiful in her sleep… Sighing, I placed a quick kiss on her forehead before quietly
making my way out of the room and closing the door. Charlie had just stepped into the hallway
when I came down the stairs.

―Hi, Sir,‖ I greeted him. We‘d met earlier, when he picked us up from the airport on his way to
work, but not much had been said between the two of us.

―Hello, Edward. Where‘s Bella?‖ he asked, looking around me to see if she was coming down
the stairs behind me.

―She‘s asleep. After the day she had with Dr. Masen and trying to show me some of the town,
which ended before we got started, we came back here and she fell asleep.‖

―I see. So therapy was hard?‖

―Not so much hard, just… a lot to think through. And she really wasn‘t in the right frame of
mind to show me the school. Too many emotions already on the loose.‖ I sighed; this was
starting to seem a little weird, us having this conversation standing in the hallway.

―Actually, Sir—―

―It‘s Charlie. Sir makes me sound too old,‖ he laughed. I smiled, glad that he was taking to me
so fast.

―Ok, then… Charlie, would you mind if I had a few words?‖

―No, not at all. Let‘s move into the front room.‖

So I followed him, taking a seat on the couch as he sat in the recliner and turned to face me.

―Charlie, I just really wanted to talk about my relationship with Bella. I know we‘ve only been
together for a short little while in terms of physically knowing each other, but that does not
lessen my strong feelings for her.

―She‘s everything I would want in a companion, and so much more. Especially as I‘m learning
more and more about her and her past. She is, simply put, one of the strongest women I have
ever known. And I feel very… lucky that she sees something in me.‖

I was getting worked up over this little speech, and I hadn‘t said everything I‘d wanted to yet. I
took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Which is when Charlie decided to speak, causing my
calming heart to start up furiously again.

―Edward,‖ he started before he sighed. ―I appreciate what you are saying. Really, I do. And I
agree… Bella is a very strong woman. She‘s a hell of a lot stronger than me, that‘s for sure. But
she‘s also still very broken. Healing has taken place, but not enough. I want to see her be happy
and carefree and just… loving life.‖ He paused here, seeming to think about something far away
and out of reach.

―I know Sir, Charlie. And I agree. I—―

―Not to be rude but I need to finish what I was going to say. For some reason you and Bella have
found each other, and my little girl is re-emerging again. I could see her today. And it was…
Edward it was like a dream come true.

―And it‘s because of you. I know it. I see it. I feel it. You‘re good for her, and that makes me like
you. A lot. But don‘t mess it up, or you‘ll not like the outcome, that I can guarantee.‖

―I won‘t. I promise. Bella is it for me. And I will do all I can to help her. I wanna heal her. Make
her feel happy. I want to be everything she could possibly need from me. And I will always put
her needs first.‖

―Then we agree.‖

―That we do.‖

And just like that, I‘d declared myself to her father and ended up with a mutual agreement that I
was good for her. I was almost reeling from the success, and then I felt like an idiot for
considering it success to not be shot and buried by my girlfriend‘s cop father.

I made my way back up to Bella‘s room knowing that now that I‘d spoken with Charlie I wanted
to talk with Bella about our session with Dr. Masen. More specifically, I wanted to talk about our
discussion about soul mates.

Opening the door, I saw that Bella was still asleep so I quietly closed the door again after
stepping into the room, moving over to the bed and laying down beside her again. Draping my
arm across her waist I pulled myself as close to her as I could, trying to be gentle and not wake
her up.

―Hey,‖ I heard her breathy voice.

―I‘m sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep.‖

―No, I was awake. I‘ve just been laying here thinking.‖

―Yeah? About what?‖ I asked her as I kissed her shoulder before laying my head on the pillow.

Bella turned round and faced me our noses almost close enough to touch. She had one hand
under her head and the other in front of her, between us. I moved to mirror her, only I placed my
free hand on top of hers, establishing a physical connection between us.

―I was thinking about my session today. About what Dr. Masen said… about soul mates.‖ She
closed her eyes, took a deep breath, expelled the air and then opened her eyes to look straight
into mine.

―Yeah, I decided that I agree with everything she said, it‘s just gonna take some time for me to

get used to the idea. And I do want to get used to it. I do. Just—‖

―Sshhh… Bella, I know. I know and I agree completely. Connections like ours aren‘t common,
but that doesn‘t make it any less real.‖ At this she nodded.

―I think we just need to know that it is here, discuss it when we feel the need to, but never forget
that we are lucky enough to have such a strong connection to each other.‖

―I agree. And then we‘ll see what happens. Time is something we have a lot of, and I‘m not
going anywhere.‖

―Neither am I pretty lady. Neither am I.‖

So, some of the things I’ve been reading. If you haven’t, make sure you check these
amazing stories.

Aro’s Heir by SubtlePen on Twilighted

Shadowboxer by Nobloodnofoul

Slip by Segolily now only found on Twilighted

Sin City by Nemariel on FF and SilerSeaGulls on Twilighted.

All four of these stories are amazing and are very special to me. The writing is fantastic and
the stories themselves are just incredibly well thought out, and the authors are incredibly
talented and have all helped me at one point. Thank you girls. Really!

And lastly, I just wanted to mention that we are starting to wind down. I finally have an
outline and it looks like there will be about 8 more chapters. Thanks for joining me on this
ride.

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Chapter: 19

AN: Another chapter. Yay! Hopefully you're all still with me here.

Thanks to freakyhazeleyes for being the best beta ever and getting this back to me so fast. I
know you know this already, but you make this story what it is, and I'm thankful you took
me on and helped me see the light of fiction writing.

I have some things to say, see ya at the end.

Chapter 19

The last few months had gone by amazingly well. I had grown closer and closer to Edward and
progress was being made in every aspect of our lives.

I was still hurting of course. I don‘t think anything could ever take the pain away completely, but
with Edward at my side it had dulled significantly. The empty ache in my heart was not as
gaping as it had been.

Edward had been an amazing rock to me, an unmoving mountain of strength. I knew he loved
me; it was something I would never doubt because he showed me constantly. Everyday he‘d
share something with me that might be insignificant to some but to me meant the world.

The last few weeks we had been working on being closer physically with each other. Edward had
very strong feelings of not having sex before he was married, and to tell the truth, I was uncertain
if I would ever feel comfortable enough to be that close to another person again.

It was something I had spoken with Dr. Masen about at length several times over the last few
months. She would listen to my fears and then give suggestion to how I could go about getting
my trust and level of confidence back.

―Bella, have you discussed this with Edward yet?‖ she asked after I finished my tirade.

―Ummm… no,‖ I admitted, hanging my head though I knew she couldn‘t see it through the
phone. I sighed.

―Bella,‖ she sighed, not angry or upset, just sounding sad. ―You can‘t expect to get past any of
these issues if you won‘t open up to him. Talking with me is good, and I‘m so glad you are, but
you need to be open with Edward. He‘s in this relationship with you. Trust him. He deserves it.
And you deserve to feel like you can.‖

I nodded at her as I closed my eyes, feeling the prickling of tears behind the lids.

―Bella,‖ she continued, her voice laced with love and compassion. ―You deserve to be intimate
with the person you love. You deserve to feel the bond between the two of you grow as you
become physically closer. It will strengthen you as a woman, and it will strengthen you as a
partner.‖

―Thank you,‖ I stammered in a low voice. ―I‘ll think about it.‖

―Call me again next week and tell me how it went. If you made any progress. And Bella, I know
you know this but I need to tell you. I love you like you were my own.‖

―I know,‖ I replied, letting the tears fall freely. ―I… I love you as well.‖

―I know. Have a good week.‖

After that conversation with Dr Masen I had continued crying. Not so much because I felt sad,
but more as a sense of cleansing. It was in that state that Edward found me when he came over,
and became almost frantic when he saw me crying.

He‘d held me for a little while, rocking me back and forth and singing that same Norwegian
lullaby to me as I calmed down.

―Bella, baby, what‘s wrong?‖ he implored, begging me to tell him why I was so upset.

―I… I… I spoke with Dr. Masen today,‖ I answered him. I was finally calmed down enough to
speak without being interrupted by my heaving breaths between the sobs.

―I don‘t understand…‖ he murmured, clutching me tighter to him and kissing my head.

―We spoke about something… that I struggle with. And she made me see something. I deserve
it.‖

―Deserve what?‖

So I told him about my issues with intimacy, how our occasional passionate kisses made me
panic but I was afraid of how to tell him. I told him how laying next to him at night was the only
way I could sleep, yet the thought of lying on top of him scared me. I told him about how scared I
was to eventually be naked with another person again, how scared I was to actually have sex
again. Embarrassed, I even confessed how much I wanted him, physically. How my body
responded to him and how terrified I was of my own reactions.

―Isabella,‖ he interrupted. ―I don‘t ever want you to feel pressured into anything. Not ever. If I
ever do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, please, please, please, I beg you to tell me.‖

I nodded, pulling him closer to me and kissing his chest right above his heart.

―You know my stand on sex before marriage, it‘s just not something I‘m willing to change, but
you know I don‘t hold that against you. Not ever. This is simply my choice, my decision, but I
respect yours just as much as I would hope you respect mine,‖ he smiled.

It was true. At first I had felt guilty about not being a virgin, though considering I had not had
sex since before I had lost the baby, I didn‘t exactly think of myself as a sexually active person.

―I do respect your choice, Edward. And I love you more for it. Just forget—―

―I really hope you‘re not going to tell me to forget what we‘re talking about. Cause I can‘t. This
is important to you, and in turn important to me.‖ He kissed my head again before pulling away
and looking into my eyes. ―Besides, there are other things we can… work up to,‖ he said, a

small blush staining his cheeks.

I couldn‘t help myself so I reached my hands up to his cheeks, cupping them as I leaned in and
placed a small kiss on his lips. He responded in kind, moving his hands to my waist as he pulled
me closer.

The kiss quickly grew heated, my body reacting to the intensity while my mind screamed for me
to pull away. I was torn as to what to do. Edward must have sensed my indecision because he
soon slowed the kiss until he was leaving small pecks on my lips. He rubbed my nose with his
before pulling away and smiling a dazzling smile.

―Why don‘t you tell me what you were thinking just now?‖ he said.

That was the first day we discussed my fears, my desires, my hopes and dreams for my level of
comfort when it came to our physical intimacy. I laid everything on the table and Edward did as
well.

It was a huge turning point for us as we grew closer emotionally, knowing we could trust each
other enough to speak of our fears and desires without worrying about what the other would
think of us.

We continued to explore what made me comfortable and what pushed my limits, and what
brought us past those limits.

I continued talking with Dr. Masen regularly, sometimes on my own and sometimes with
Edward. Dr. Masen even spoke with Edward alone, and that warmed my heart and made me fall
in love with him just a little bit more.

He did so much for me and I felt I was giving him nothing in return. Then again, I didn‘t have
much to give, only my broken self. Even though I didn‘t feel like it was much, Edward reassured
me everyday that the greatest gift I could ever give him was my heart, and as he already owned it
he would thank me profusely and just ask me to let him be what he felt I deserved.

When I asked to do the same he always replied with, ―You are what I deserve simply by being,
and for that I thank you.‖

Edward also told me that one day, when I least expected it, he would ask for my hand and make
me his wife. He was so cheesy and corny at times, but I loved that about him.

And I loved the thought and the knowledge that Edward was thinking about our future together,
that there was no him and I, only us. It made working towards being fully comfortable in his
presence a little bit easier. Whenever we were getting close to pushing my limit I would draw on
the knowledge that our futures were entwined, and I would be able to let go just a little bit longer
each time.

I knew I could not do this without Edward, and I knew I would never want to do it with anyone

else but him, and that knowledge carried me through from day to day.

As the weeks passed and we grew bolder and more comfortable with each other, we were able to
progress further than I had ever thought possible.

There was never sex, nor even the hint of us going there, nor was I ready for a step that drastic
again. But there were hands on bare skin, mouths on exposed skin, rocking and touching above
clothes.

I‘m proud to say I brought Edward to orgasm while making out one day, rubbing myself against
him as he rocked against me. The sound of his strangled cry as he whispered my name through
his high was enough to set off my own, the first I had had in a long time.

Afterwards, we talked about what we felt, what we experienced and how it affected our
relationship. Edward was embarrassed at first, until I told him how powerful it made me feel,
how grateful I felt that I could do that for him, and how happy I was that he had done it for me
and I wasn‘t scared.

It was a major turning point in our relationship, one that brought us immeasurably closer. We
never went past that, rubbing against each other while clothed, but there did appear to be less
clothing in the way as we got closer.

But I was never scared, I was never worried, and most of all; I felt comfortable like this with
Edward and it was something I could never thank him enough for.

Dr. Masen was beyond ecstatic every time I called her and we spoke of my progress. She said it
was a strong testament to my love for Edward and his love for me. She confided in me that she
had thought it would take a long time for me to reach the level I was at presently, and she
couldn‘t stop gushing over how proud she was of me.

I felt like life was finally giving me the break I had always wanted, the love I had always needed,
and the comfort I had so desperately longed for these last seven years.

I felt like nothing could go wrong.

That should have been the bad omen of things to come.

AN:

First, kino and myself started a blog for little known stories and authors. The link is in my
profile. Check them out, there are some really awesome hidden gems out there.

Second, AIU has been nominated for the indies!!!! Squee!!! The link is in my profile, make
sure you go check out the other amazing enstries.

Third, we're getting down to the wire, about 6 more chapters. Thank you all who have

joined me on this ride. I can't convey to you enough just how grateful I am that you tried it
out.

Ummm... what else? Oh, yeah... I have a story entry for the Age of Edward Contest that I
will be posting shortly called The Warriors Capture ~ Vikingward :)

And lastly, A couple of rec's cause that's just how I roll...

~My Sacrifice by jennmc75 ~ it is completed and the sequel is up. I love this story, it's so
very touching. Link in profile.

~Sandwaich Dreams by heelstominivan ~ it's only a few chapters in and I already love it.
Bella is hilarious and Edward... well, Edward is just that... Edward :) At first glance it's
really funny and Bella is carefree and outspoken but as you get more into it you get the
feeling that something is not as it should be in Bella's world. Link in profile.

~The very thought of you by Babette12 ~ Civilward era. A continuation of her oneshot
entry for AoE contest. I love it. Link is in my profile.

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Chapter: 20

AN: Huge thanks to freakyhazeleyes for making this the best it can be. I owe you more
than I can say.

This chapter is dedicated to amgglekim. I miss you, and hope all is good. Big hugs and a
huge kiss on the cheek. Can't wait for Vegas, baby!!!

Chapter 20

To say the last half year had gone by exceptionally well would be an understatement… a gross
understatement of epic proportions.

Bella and I had grown incredibly close during this time, our lives more intertwined than I had
ever thought possible.

When I first met Bella she was fun, beautiful, and amazing, but horribly broken. Now, it seems
that with my help and my strength, she had begun the healing process that she had been longing
for all those years. At least she told me so.

Our instant connection early on was very special to both Bella and I. Bella had been spiraling

downwards for a long time, yet putting on a proud and somewhat safe façade. It had started
cracking slightly, what with all the blind dates and such that Alice, and sometimes Rose, had
tried to get her on. In truth she‘s only ever been on two, skipping out on the others last minute.

Although Alice knew why it was hard for Bella, I don‘t think she had really understood how hard
until I came into the picture. She had often asked herself why she felt the need to text me that
first night when Bella was having nightmares. She didn‘t really have a solid answer beyond
―knowing it was the right thing to do.‖

No matter why she had chosen to do it, I was very grateful to her for listening to that little voice
nudging her in my direction. Having Bella‘s best friend‘s approval was very important to me,
especially given Bella‘s past.

I had also grown closer to Charlie over the last few months Bella and I had been together. He had
taken on a somewhat protective role over me as well, claiming it had to do with my family still
being overseas. He felt I needed a father figure closer to home, one I could go to.

At first it had been slightly awkward, but that feeling soon passed as I saw just how much he
loved his daughter and how grateful he was to me for taking care of her. He went out of his way
to talk to me, email me, keep me in the loop, and I did the same with him. He had become a great
friend to me and I was very grateful for that.

Along with my growing relationship with Charlie, Dr. Masen had also fast become an important
confidant and friend. We talked at least once a week about Bella, her progress, as well as the
growing relationship between Bella and I.

I felt I had gained so much more than just a girlfriend since I moved here. I had truly gained an
entirely new family, even if it was slightly unconventional.

My mom was very grateful to Charlie and Dr. Masen, and had even spoken with them on
occasion. They had developed a friendship that was important for my mom, one that helped her
cope with the knowledge that I was halfway across the world, embarking on a leg of my life that
was changing my story faster than I had thought possible.

―Edward,‖ my mother sighed, though I could hear her happy undertones. ―I am so happy for
you. Even though I miss you, I‘m nothing short of ecstatic that you have found Bella, and in
Bella have found someone you can love like I love your father.‖

I had told my mom how I sometimes felt guilty for having other parental figures while being so
far away from her.

―I just don‘t want you to feel like you‘ve been replaced or –―

―Edward. I know. And I also know this is what happens when a child grows older, especially a
son. And even though I miss you very, very much, I know this is the right thing for you. You‘re
happy, you‘re loved and you‘re cared for by some wonderful people; even though I haven‘t met

them face to face, I can tell.‖

―Mom…‖

―Edward, be happy. You deserve it. You need it. I will always be your mother so allow yourself
the luxury of having so many people loving you.‖

Having my mother‘s approval was not only comforting, but truly something I needed. And now
that I had it, I felt like I could relax more and enjoy my time not only with Bella, but also with
everyone else.

I was currently laying in Bella‘s bed, her small body curled in around me as I held her. She was
sleeping soundly, barely fidgeting as was her norm, and I think it had something to do with our
―activities‖ not even an hour ago.

When Bella had first addressed the intimacy issue, I had been reluctant. I mean, she knew my
thoughts on it, how I felt, and she respected it. But that wasn‘t why I was reluctant, nervous,
scared as hell… It had more to do with the fact that I was terrified Bella would associate any bed
feelings about sex with me, seeing as how her last relationship had ended.

I had been so scared at first, unbelievably so. Until I spoke with Dr. Masen, and she put it all into
the right perspective for me.

―Edward, tell me what‘s bothering you?‖ Dr. Masen said.

I was once again talking with her. We‘d been talking a lot over the last few weeks, but even more
so since Bella and I had decided to try and be more intimate with each other.

―I… it‘s just… I‘m just…‖

―Edward, take a deep breath. Relax. Now, tell me what has you so troubled.‖

I did what Dr. Masen instructed, and then told her what I‘d been feeling lately.

―I‘m just so worried that I‘m going to… I‘m scared I‘ll remind Bella of Alec. That she‘ll
associate our time with their time. That she‘ll resent me. That she‘ll doubt me. I‘m terrified that
this will push her away from me. And I can‘t… I just don‘t think I can stand losing her,‖ I
sighed, feeling ridiculously emotional at the moment.

There was a long pause on the other end, a pause that both gave me comfort and unsettled me.
What was she thinking? Was I right? What the hell would I do if—

―Edward,‖ Dr. Masen‘s voice interrupted. ―You have to trust in Bella. And you have to know
that this is necessary for the both of you. You won‘t ever have to do anything you‘re not ready
for, and neither will she. But Edward, if you plan on being with Bella for the long haul, if this is
it… then you can‘t skirt around these issues. This is bound to come up sooner or later. What

about when you get engaged? What about when you get married? You can‘t go around for the
rest of your lives sexless because you‘re too scared to try to overcome her nightmare.

―She loves you, she needs you, and she wants you. She and I have talked about this at length, and
it‘s something she has thought about for a while now. She always hoped she would find that one
person she could get close to like this again. And she has. In you. Trust her, trust in you, and let
the healing bonds that your love can bring, erase the pain from the past.‖

―Wow…‖ not very articulate, but it was all I could manage. What she said really just… it put it
into perspective.

―Edward?‖ she questioned.

―Yeah. I‘m here, and you‘re right. I need to think about this. Can I call you later?‖

―You can call me whenever you need to, you know that. And don‘t pressure yourself, just… allow
yourself the joy and the comfort of loving each other and getting to know each other better.‖

―Thank you, Elizabeth. I‘m not quite sure what else to say right now.‖

―Thank you is all that‘s needed.‖

I sighed and tightened my hold on Bella, leaning down and kissing the top of her head.

That was the turning point for me. That was when I truly started focusing on Bella and her needs,
and helping her overcoming her demons. And we grew so much closer from then on.

To say it had been an easy road so far would be a gross understatement. It had been anything but,
but we had enjoyed ourselves, we had grown, and we had earned a trust not easily earned after a
devastating event like Bella‘s.

I was glad I had made my own vow to stay celibate until I got married, but I also knew I would
marry Bella so getting so physically intimate with her was also something I saw as the right thing
to do. I wasn‘t just giving myself up for easy ecstasy and gratification. It was something both her
and I discussed daily, something we both worked for, and something we both agreed upon would
be best if postponed until the day, in the not too far off future (I hoped), where she would
become my wife. I had told her that in no uncertain terms, I would make her my wife one day,
and she had replied that she would take me as her husband one day, and welcomed the thought…
when we were ready.

We weren‘t ready yet, but we were getting there. And when we did, it would be the second most
amazing event in my life, second only to my very first time of meeting her; when she crashed
into me and knocked herself out cold.

I must have fallen asleep as I reminisced about these things because next thing I knew I was
woken by an incredibly frightening sound. Bella was screaming and crying hysterically. And she

was asleep still.

―Bella!‖ I yelled to her, shaking her. She was still sleeping with her head on my chest, her little
hands clawing at my skin as her toes were digging into my shins.

―Bella,‖ I bellowed, but she only whimpered and clawed me more fiercely.

―What the hell‘s going on in here!?‖ came Jasper‘s voice, followed by his body crashing through
the now-opened door, Alice hot on his heels. They both looked scared, and angry.

―She‘s sleeping. Dreaming and I can‘t… I can‘t wake her!‖ I called to them over Bella‘s
increasing screams.

―Get off me, get off me, get off me!‖ she continued yelling over and over again while still
clawing at my skin. I knew I‘d be bruised and bloodied, but I didn‘t care about myself. My heart
was aching, breaking and shattering at hearing her anguished sobs and cries.

―Help me, for the love of everything good, help me help her!‖ I could feel tears rolling down
onto my naked chest and it caused my own to start falling as well.

I loved this woman so much, she meant more to me than my own life, and hearing her crying like
this was tearing me apart.

Jasper rushed to the bed and bent down, shaking Bella. She only screamed louder. He started
shaking her so hard he was shaking the entire frame of the bed, causing it to bang into the wall.

―Jasper, stop. This is hurting her. Stop!‖ I cried. This was torture. Absolute, and utter torture, and
I was dying a little inside.

―I don‘t know…‖ Alice said as she slid down against the wall, tears streaming down her own
face.

―Bella!‖ Jasper yelled in her ear, but nothing was working. It was like she was trapped inside her
terrible dream and nothing could bring her out. ―Think of something. Do something, anything,
man. Anything,‖ Jasper wispered as he fell defeated to the floor, a hand still clutching at Bella‘s
shoulder.

I was at a loss. Never before had I felt so hopeless. Never before had I felt like such a failure. I
just didn‘t know what the hell to do to make this better. And why wasn‘t she waking up? How
could she sleep through this? We would for sure be calling Dr. Masen in the morning and having
this out with her, because whatever… whatever this was, it wasn‘t normal.

I didn‘t realize it, but as my tears were falling, the silent sobs of all in the room mingling with
Bella‘s loud screams; I‘d started humming a tune from my childhood. One that I had both loved
and hated. One that—

―Whatever you‘re doing, keep doing it,‖ Jasper whispered to me, relief and wonder coloring his
tone.

Bella was not screaming anymore, only whimpering and dry sobbing as tears continued falling
from her closed eyes. She had stopped clawing at me, her feet not digging into my shins
anymore.

I tightened my hold on her, my tears falling harder at knowing she was calming down, knowing
she was coming out of whatever terrible dream she had been having.

No one moved from their spots as Bella calmed down, her harsh breathing finally evening out to
a steady rhythm, relaxing as she melted into my arms once again.

―Oh my… Edward!‖ was the next thing I heard, followed by a jostle on the bed. ―‖What in the
hell happened to you!?‖

―Shhh… pretty lady. Shhh…" I whispered as I scooted back against the headrest, leaning on it so
I could gather Bella in my arms. She tried to pull away, but I grabbed her and forced her against
me, wincing when I felt the sharp stings on my chest.

―Edward, don‘t. What hap— did I do— No!‖ she cried, throwing a hand over her mouth as her
eyes grew impossibly large.

―Bella, shhh… you need to—―

―What— oh, Bella,‖ Alice cried and launched herself at my love, making me exhale sharply as I
felt more stinging pain on my chest.

―Edward?‖ Jasper said, looking at me as he raised his head, shaking it from side to side. He must
have been very—

―Ouch!‖

―Baby… what happened?‖ It was Bella again, and she had been tracing some of the scratches on
my chest when she accidently applied too much pressure on one of the worse ones.

―Bella,‖ Jasper cut in, ―we‘ll leave Alice to explain what she can while I clean him up. He…
umm… he needs some… yeah… Edward?‖

I disentangled myself from Bella and the sheets and the bed as carefully as I could. Once I was
out of the bed I leaned down, wincing as I went, and placed a kiss on Bella‘s cheek.

―I love you Bella. Always.‖ Then I followed Jasper into the bathroom.

―Edward, dude… you look like…‖

―I know, I know. But don‘t make a big deal of it. Bella… she doesn‘t need that right now. Kay?‖

He nodded his agreement as he gestured for me to sit on the toilet. We sat in silence as he
cleaned the worst of the scratches with some water, placing Neosporin on them to keep them
clean.

As we sat there we heard the phone ring a few times before it was picked up. I could just barely
make out Bella answering. What happened next was a whirl of insanity, making last night‘s
nightmare seem like the fluffiest dream in comparison.

―Aaaaaaaah… Jazz, Edward…‖ Alice screamed as a crash came from the living room.

Jasper looked at me for only a fraction of a second before he tore out of the bathroom, me hot on
his heels. As we rounded the corner to the front room I skidded to a halt.

There, on the floor, with Alice frantically pressing her shirt to Bella‘s head, she lay in a heap,
blood on the floor around her and in her hair.

―What happened?‖ Jasper called to her as he leapt to them, checking Bella‘s wrists for her pulse.

―The phone,‖ Alice whispered, ghostly white and sounding very monotone.

―Edward, call 911,‖ Jasper yelled at me. ―Now!‖ he cried as he tossed me his cell. Where he got
it from I had no clue.

As I called the 911 dispatch I sank to the floor, me knees buckling as I relayed to the operator
what I saw in front of my eyes.

Things were a blur as the ambulance arrived after only a few minutes and helped the still
unconscious Bella into the back as I climbed in beside her.

How could things go from so perfect to so horrific in such a short amount of time? And who the
hell had been on the phone?

We are so close to the end I can taste it. I'm Sad, relieved, and just... gah... overwhelmed at
you guys for staying with me threw this journey.

We have 2 more chapters and an epilogue to go, and then I will be able to devote more time
to my new project. It is an AU of BD called Guarding my Life, and I'm super excited about
it. It will be different than anything else I've done so far...

I have a few rec's this time, and hope you take the time to check them out. Also, don't
forget to check out the TLKF this monday, as we have a very special guest rec'er. Link is in
my profile.

~Make Me Believe » by bellasunderstudy1 ~~~ A marriage that was a mistake, a broken

heart and a carefully constructed Edward comes back into Bella's life can he make her
believe that he never stopped loving her? Canon couples, E/B.

~Aro's Heir » by SubtlePen ~~~ Edward, Bella and Alice are drawn into a no-win scenario
in Volterra after Edward's attempted suicide-by-Volturi in the Palazzo dei Priori. Aro
forces Edward to make a choice that may leave him unable to salvage any relationship with
Bella.

~Once Upon a Time in a Bowling Alley by suspenders ~~~ Summer,1974. Edward meets
Bella at the park and they bond over a sweaty game of handball. After trials and tragedies
things come to a climax when they admit their love in a bowling alley. An Entry into the
Age of Edward Contest. AH, OOC.

~Antithesis » by gkkstitch ~~~ What if you lost your heart's perfect match? Edward knows
someone who is living his worst nightmare, who has vowed that Edward and Bella will
never suffer that heartache, even if the Volturi may be the source of that threat.

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Chapter: 21

AN! Thank you as always to my amazing beta freakyhazeleyes, you deserve so much more
than I can give. Promise me you will all check out her stories, especially Healing... so, so
GOOD!!!

A big shout-out to all the ladies who have been WC'ing with me lately. Without you the
motivation would fizzle.

Chapter 21

―Bella, I can‘t take this anymore. It‘s too much, and yet it‘s just not enough for me. Whatever
you have to offer is just not going to cut it so I‘m cutting my losses now.

―It was fun, and you helped me where it was needed, but that was it. Now I‘m ready to move on
to bigger and better things.

―You‘ll find it one day, with someone who‘s as broken as you are. But it won‘t be me. Bye.‖

And then he walked away. None of my crying and screaming and pleading was working. No
matter how hard I yelled nothing came out but a barely-there murmur. No matter how fast I ran I
never moved a step.

I was rooted to the spot, nothing but empty, black space around me, the only luminescent thing in
the area dimming as Edward walked from me.

―No!‖ I cried, but air was the only thing fizzing out. ―Don‘t go! No!‖

I fell to the ground as Edward disappeared into the darkness, only vast blackness now
surrounding me. My head was down, my arms were extended. I was empty both physically and
emotionally; I could not even feel the beating of my heart.

―Ahhh, my sweet Bella. Look at you.‖ That voice! I knew that voice… It was so hauntingly
familiar. So painful as it wound its way through my mind before settling in the pit of my stomach.

―What –― but whatever it was I was going to say died in my throat as something heavy was
placed in my still-extended arms.

And then I heard it. A cry. The cry of a child, followed by squirming.

I opened my eyes to look down at what was placed in my arms, to bring it closer to my body to
keep it from falling. But as I went to bring it in closer my arms would not budge. They were
frozen.

The baby kept squirming, its cry becoming fiercer and its movements more than I could safely
hold onto in my position.

―Please….‖ I trailed off, begging for anything, everything.

―No,‖ rang that same voice, and the bundle in my arms squirmed its way out of my grasp, its
cries turning to wails as it started falling, falling, falling, down, down ,down, so far below me it
suddenly disappeared from my vision.

―No,‖ I cried as I lunged for the baby only to be held back.

―No, Sweet Bella. This time we‘ll do it right. This will be the time for you,‖ continued the voice
and suddenly I was lying on an operating table as Dr. Cai approached me.

―This time, it will be mine, and it will be perfect,‖ he said as he dropped the blood red robe he
was wearing, revealing nothing but blackness. But I knew what was there. ―This time it will be
my pleasure, my seed, my child,‖ he continued as he climbed onto the table, getting situated
right above me.

―Get off me, get off me, get off me!‖ I yelled at him, trying to claw at him with anything and
everything I had. But my hands and feet were tied, my neck locked into a neck brace seemingly
attached to the table.

―Get off me, no, get off, get off me!‖ I kept yelling as he started lowering himself to me, his body
stretching over mine though I could not feel his weight.

―Don‘t fight, child, this will be perfect,‖ he said, trying to sooth as his arms were running over
mine. I could not feel his touch but I could sense it. Everywhere his body was touching mine I
could sense the connection, causing me to cry even more.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, came a low, sorrowful sound, a voice I knew so well. But how
could I hear it now? He left me. He didn‘t want me.

―But I do, I want your child Bella. I want it, I need it,‖ said the man above me, though his voice
was slowly dissipating.

Then the hum turned into music and the music turned into words and, though I couldn‘t
understand what they meant, I could feel myself respond to them, relaxing as the terrifying words
of before left me as Dr. Cai and his table and everything else left me, until all I could feel around
me was the sweet caress of Edward‘s voice as he sang a beautiful song to me.

Den fyrste song eg høyra fekk,

var mor sin song ved vogga,

dei mjuke ord til mitt hjarta gjekk,

dei kunne gråten stogga.

Dei sulla meg så underleg,

så stilt og mjukt te sova,

dei synte meg ein fager veg

opp frå vår vesle stova.

Den vegen ser eg no enno tidt

når eg fær auga kvila;

der stend ein engel, smiler blidt,

som berre ei kan smila.

Og når eg sliten trøytnar av

i strid mot alt som veilar,

eg høyrer stilt frå mor si grav

den song som allting heilar

I woke with a start, Edward holding me tighter than normal. He usually held me while we slept,
but not like this. This was… almost painful.

I lifted my face from his chest, grateful that whatever might have dribbled out while I was
unconscious was now dried up. As my eyes went about their normal travel from his beautifully
sculpted chest to his face, I noticed a red mark.

Moving onto my elbows, exposing more of his chest to me, I noticed several more red marks.
Only, they weren‘t really marks, they were… they were scratches. Long, and deep and angry,
and there was dried blood smeared in a thin layer across his chest and torso.

What happened – no…

―Oh my… Edward!‖ I cried as I jumped away from him slightly so I could see more of him.
―‖What in the hell happened to you!?‖

―Shhh… pretty lady. Shhh…‖ he whispered to me while scooting back. Once he hit the headrest
he leaned back and gathered me in his arms. I tried to move away from him but when he winced
I couldn‘t help but stop.

―Edward, don‘t. What hap— did I do— No!‖ I threw a hand over my mouth to stifle the scream
that surely wanted to make its way out. How could I… what did I… And then a little bit of red
caught my periphery and I looked at my hands.

Oh my hell. What did I do to him?

A whirl of things started happening around me and I felt like everyone and everything was
closing in on me. What had happened to him last night? Why was he so covered in scratches?
Why had I – I couldn‘t even bring myself to finish that thought. I kept staring at his scratches,
transfixed by the damage I had caused.

―Ouch!‖ I heard from Edward, bringing me back to the present.

―Baby… what happened?‖ As I spoke those words I realized I had started tracing one of his
scratches while lost in thought and I must have put too much pressure on him.

I was ready to move away again, tears filling my eyes and spilling over onto my cheeks as I
thought of causing Edward pain.

―Bella,‖ Jasper suddenly cut in, ―we‘ll leave Alice to explain what she can while I clean him up.
He… umm… he needs some… yeah… Edward?‖

Edward slowly got untangled from me and the sheets as carefully as he could, but not without
causing some pain. I could see it in his face, even though he tried as hard as he could to not show

it.

Once he was fully out of the bed he turned to me, lowered himself down, and kissed my cheek
before whispering in my ear.

―I love you Bella. Always.‖ Then he followed Jasper out into the bathroom as I collapsed onto
the bed crying.

Alice came to me quickly, jumping on my bed and holding me tight as I cried. We didn‘t speak
for a while, not until I had gotten all the tears out that I could possibly manage.

―Alice,‖ I hiccupped, ―please, what happened?‖ I asked, pleading her to tell me.

―I need to get something first. Wait for me?‖ Then she disappeared, returning a few minutes later
with a wet rag that she used to clean my hands with. The color of Edward‘s blood washed away
from my hands and settled on the cloth, and it was making me sick.

After Alice cleaned my hands she left the room again, taking the rag with her, before returning
empty handed.

―I put it in my laundry, I thought you wouldn‘t want to… well, see it, anymore.‖ I nodded,
appreciative of her consideration and caring.

―Now please, Alice, tell me what I did to Edward. Tell me what happened. Please,‖ I begged of
her as she sat down across from me on the bed, holding my now clean hands in hers.

So she told me what she‘d seen, heard, felt, and the more she said the sadder I became.

I could not believe I had hurt Edward like that. I claimed to love him yet I do this to him? No, no
I…

―Bella, it‘s ok –―

―Don‘t you dare say it‘s okay. Don‘t you dare. That is not okay, it will never be okay Alice,‖ I
cried as I angrily wiped off the tears that once again had started falling.

―Bella…‖ she sighed before taking a big breath. ―You‘re right, it‘s not okay. But there‘s nothing
you can do about it. Nothing can change it. And it was not your fault. No, Bella, it wasn‘t! You
were asleep, you were dreaming, and he was terrified for you.‖

―My dream…‖ I didn‘t want to think about that, I couldn‘t stand thinking about…

―It was a dream, and it will only ever be a dream. Bella, look at me,‖ Alice plead.

I took a deep breath before turning to her, and what I saw there was truth, the absolute truth, and
I just had to give her a hug.

―Thank you Alice,‖ I whispered. ―Thank you.‖

She said nothing back, just held me and rocked me and loved me like the sister I had always felt
she was to me.

Our moment was interrupted by the phone. It was a shrill sound, breaking us from our thoughts,
breaking me from my comfort. I ran to the front room to answer it, thinking it was probably my
dad or, at this point, hoping it would be Dr. Masen.

―Hello?‖

―Sweet Bella. It‘s been so long, how are you?‖ That voice, I knew that voice… it was the voice
from my dream. I could barely breathe as I focused on where I was, who I was, trying to hold
onto my sanity.

This is too much… It‘s going to become truth…

―Bella, I need you again,‖ he said and that was the last straw. I thought I heard a girl scream, but
I couldn‘t be sure. I thought I heard a man laugh, but I couldn‘t be sure. As my mind registered a
sharp and throbbing pain in my head everything closed in on me until finally nothing was left but
blackness, just like my dream.

―— no swelling in the brain. Now we just wait,‖ I registered a voice say. An unknown voice.

―Bella,‖ I heard a soothing voice say. ―Please, please come back to me. I need you,‖ it finished, a
slight trembling underlining the words. ―I love you,‖ it whispered.

Where am I? What happened?

―Ugh,‖ I heard someone groan, realizing moments after that it was my own voice I‘d heard.

―Bella? Bella, say something. She‘s waking up!‖ the soothing voice called, the pitch of his voice
growing through the sentence, causing me to wince as the throbbing in my head grew worse with
the loud sound.

―Please, head, pain,‖ was all I could muster out, in barely a whisper. I had wanted to say more
but nothing else connected between my brain and my mouth.

―Sshhh, pretty lady. Just rest, just rest,‖ the voice said, the pitch lowered to a small whisper. I
sighed. Pretty Lady… Edward is here.

Everything around me happened so fast. The doctor came up to me, pushing Edward out of the
way and I panicked.

―Edward!‖ I cried.

―Shhh… I‘m here, I‘m here. I‘m not leaving,‖ he soothed. ―Move.‖

―With all due resp –―

―Move!‖

And then he was holding my hand again, sitting on the side of my bed, and my panic subsided.

The doctor probed my head, looked into my eyes, looked into my ear, felt under my jaw, felt my
neck, listened to my heart, listened to my lungs, took my blood pressure…

―So tired,‖ I told Edward as I tried to tighten my hold on his hand. I needed to know he was here
with me still. Needed to know I was safe with him, that we were safe.

―I know, baby, I know,‖ he said as he leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

The doctor had finished his examination with Edward still at my side, much to the doctor‘s
annoyance, and had finally moved out of the room after giving me some more pain meds through
the IV I was currently connected to. I could feel the medicine taking effect, making me sleepy as
the throbbing in my skull went away.

―Sleep my Bella. They‘ll keep you here overnight and tomorrow Dr. Masen will be here.‖

―You called her?‖

―Actually, Alice did. I was too worried, too scared. Bella, don‘t ever scare me like that again. I
thought –‖ He couldn‘t finish that sentence, so he cut it off, shaking his head as a tear fell from
his eyes.

―I‘m sorry. I‘m so s –‖

―Don‘t, Bella. This was not your fault. Sleep and we‘ll talk more about it later,‖ he said, voice
cracking as he placed a kiss to my temple.

―Lay with me?‖

―Of course,‖ he said as he lay down on his side as close to me as he could, one arm propped
under his head as the other was above my head, his finger running down the bridge of my nose
over and over again, causing my eyes to fall shut.

Sleep took me quickly as I lay on my bed with Edward next to me, protecting me. I had no
dreams as I slept, the combination of Edward and the pain meds keeping them at bay, and when I
woke I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time.

I wasn‘t ready to open my eyes yet, but the feel of Edward‘s body pressed close to me, his arm

over my waist, anchoring him to me, made me feel safe.

―I love you,‖ I whispered to him, moving to place my hand on top of his arm.

―Mmm… I love you too,‖ he responded and pulled me a little closer to him.

We stayed like that for a while, just lying on the bed, me nestled to his side as I told him of the
dream I had the night I had hurt him so much.

―That will never happen,‖ he said fiercely, his eyes probing into mine. ―I mean that. It will never
happen. I can‘t live without you, I refuse to. It was only a dream.‖

―But what if –‖

―No, Bella. Nothing will ever make me want to leave you. Nothing!‖

I took a few minutes to look at him, really look into his eyes. There was so much love and
devotion there, so much pain from what he had seen me go through, what he himself had gone
through. I brought my hand to his face, placing it lightly on his cheek, and rubbed my thumb
across his jaw.

―I believe you,‖ I simply said, and it was the truth. His face broke into a radiant smile, his eyes a
lighter shade as the happiness seeped in. He turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand.

―Hi guys… oh, sorry. Erm… I didn‘t… I mean… I‘ll just…‖ The voice of Dr. Masen drifted to
us as the door was pushed open.

I couldn‘t help but chuckle at how uncomfortable she sounded, and when I turned to look at her
all flustered and red I couldn‘t hold it back. I burst out laughing, shaking and even snorting. My
head was throbbing but I just couldn‘t stop and it felt fantastic, like a huge weight was lifted
from my shoulders at the lightness the laugh gave my heart.

I managed to wave her in while Edward told her it was okay, that we were just talking.

After my laughing had settled and I had been given some ibuprofen for my headache, I finally
turned my full attention to Dr. Masen. She and Edward had become very close friends, they both
seemed to trust the other inexplicably, and for that I was incredibly grateful.

Edward was still sitting by my side, holding my hands, Dr. Masen sitting in a chair right next to
my bed.

―So, Bella, I want to talk about what has happened in the last couple of days. And I know
Edward was told that you could go home today, but given some recent revelations I‘d like to
keep you here one more day.‖

I turned to look at Edward as she finished, his confused expression matching my own. Looking

back to Dr. Masen I saw her eyes were a little glassy, almost as if…

―Are you… what‘s going on?‖ I was starting to feel scared, dread settling in my chest, my heart
beating faster than it should. Edward removed my hands from his and placed his arm around me,
bringing me closer to his body.

―Bella, there‘s been a… discovery. I… I really just don‘t know how to say this. I‘m your doctor,
yes, but more than that I feel I am… more,‖ she smiled as a tear fell from her eyes.

―You are more,‖ was all I could think to say.

―Bella… you know the FBI has kept tabs on you since we met, right?‖ I nodded, confused at
what she was trying to say.

―They learned something, something that they needed to talk to me about before they contacted
you.‖ She took my hand between hers, putting a slight pressure on it.

―They wanted to talk to you, but I told them this needed to come from me. They‘re right outside,
they have some questions for you,‖ she said, trying to stall for time or nerves or something. I just
needed her to tell me already. What had happened? Was something wrong with Charlie? No! Dr.
Cai, he called me!

―Calm down Bella, Dr. Cai has not been seen yet.‖ Oh, I must have spoken out loud. ―But he
called you? That‘s troubling given the new discovery.‖

I hardly noticed what she was saying anymore, thoughts and words and visions coming together
into one big giant messy soup of overload. Edward had tightened his hold on me when I
apparently had whispered about Dr. Cai and him calling me, cursing under his breath and
clutching me to him. His actions were very protective but at the moment I didn‘t feel very safe.

―Bella, the FBI, in coordination with the Bahamas Police, located Dr. Cai‘s abandoned house.
They found labs in the basement, along with tissue samples and…‖ she shook her head,
seemingly trying to clear her head. ―Bella, they found crude graves in his backyard, dozens for
human bones. Baby bones… and… well… Bella, they found DNA that matches yours.‖

I know, I know... evil cliffy again, but in my defence it's the best place to stop, and this way
you get one extra chapter before we do the epi, that's good, right?

And, quesiotn for you my lovelies, who thought this would happen? Who held out hope for
the baby to be alive? And why?

Check out this link to listen to the song that brings Bella out of her nightmare. It's
beautiful, my mom used to sing it to me whan I was a little girl, and now I sing it to my
boys... http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=9x7nPVtacjY&feature=related (remember to
replace the (dot) with actual dots :) I'll try and translate the words if anyone is interested?

This week I want to remind you all of our blog; we rec some amazing stories and they
shouldn't be missed. Link is in my profile.

And please, if you haven't yet, check out these stories, they can be found in my faves and are
just down right amazing.

Always: A tenage Love Affair by XxBanditQueenxX
Near you Always by ebalways Before the Wedding by kinolaughs Road To Self by formerly
known as irebporti

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Chapter: 22

AN: Eternal gratitude to freakyhazeleyes, my incredibly talented beta. What you've done
for me throughout this process is more than you will ever know. I can't thank you enough
for agreeing to be my beta: you have helped me improve this story beyond words. So, I
would just like you to know that this story is dedicated to you. Thank you 3

Chapter 22

―Come here, baby,‖ I whispered as I gathered Bella into my arms and onto my lap. I could care
less about wrinkles and appearances at this point. My sweet, beautiful Bella… she needed
comfort. Comfort and love. ―I‘ve got you, I promise, and I‘m not going anywhere. I love you. I
love you so much…‖

We were sitting inside the little chapel, nothing but Bella‘s quiet sobs and my breathing to be
heard. The priest had told us we could come back inside for a few minutes after the burial, to
take a moment to compose ourselves.

It had been three weeks to the day since Bella had been told about her child. She had handled it
pretty well at first all things considering, but as the hours whiled away she got more and more
quiet, more and more withdrawn. Finally, after she completely shut me out, staring at nothing as
her breathing got shallower, I called Dr. Masen.

Apparently Bella was going into shock, her mind closing down as all the events of the last few
days, coupled with the knowledge of her child being found in a mass grave, caught up to her.

It was incredible to me that she was able to function in the first place, so the shock wasn‘t really
that unexpected, just… it was scary. It was so hard to just sit by her side and watch her withdraw,
to watch her close in on herself as her mind shut down.

At one point her breathing was so shallow they had to hook her up to oxygen to help her get
enough air. That was when I knew something needed to be done. Dr. Masen had stayed behind,
visiting every so often and keeping tabs with her treating physician, but as soon as Bella had to
be given oxygen she was granted permission to treat Bella under direction of the on-call doctor.

The first few days were the toughest as Bella‘s mind stayed locked behind the wall it had
created, her body barely functioning as she lay there. After a while though, when Dr. Masen
upped Bella‘s anxiety and depression medicine, she started to look a little better. She was still
closed off, still quiet and just kind of zoned, but she did accept my touch so that was
encouraging.

It took almost four full days before she even attempted to eat and two days following that before
she was able to keep the food down. She was hooked up to many different machines with tubes
and wires and beeping noises, but none of it seemed to faze her. She just lay there on her bed as I
lay behind her, holding her and singing to her and whispering things I knew she would want to
hear even if she didn‘t acknowledge them.

Dr. Masen would come and check on her every few hours during the day, sometimes more
depending on how Bella was doing. During those times, while she was there, we spoke a lot, her
and me. She told me that what she suspected Bella was going through was not so much feeling
the loss of the baby but more the loss of life.

Bella had lost so much back when the baby had been stolen; harvested for only God knows
what…

This child that Bella had carried inside her, though set to willingly and lovingly give away, was
life that she had created. It was the only life she would ever be able to create and though she had
most likely always known it had died, it would be devastating to learn the truth still.

I had once talked with Bella, while in a session with Dr. Masen, about what her feelings were on
the baby she had lost. It had been really hard for her to explain, but I think I understood in the
end.

―It‘s…‖ she sighed as she curled her fingers tighter around my hand. ―It‘s hard to explain
really. But I‘ll try?‖ She posed it as a question, and though she sounded hesitant I didn‘t think
she was. I really hoped she was ready to go here with me, to explain to me how she truly felt.

―Just try please, Bella. It may help…‖ Dr. Masen prodded. I raised our linked hands to my lips
and placed a soft kiss on the knuckle above her thumb, silently telling her I was behind her in
every way.

―Well… at first, when I got pregnant, I was scared. Then I was excited because I found Kate and
Garrett and they seemed so right... so perfect as the parents-to-be. I did feel guilty at times about
giving the baby up for adoption, but at least I got to do it by free will. No one forced me.

―But… then… after everything happened? I don‘t know… I struggled with knowing that if I had

just decided to keep the baby, to not adopt it out, that maybe it would still…‖ She sighed as her
bottom lip trembled. ― It may still be alive… but then, as time went on and I had more of my
session with you, Dr… ermm… sorry, Elizabeth, I felt more and more like I had always done all I
could for this little life. And whether or not I had decided to keep it, the outcome would still have
been the same. Dr. Cai would have still wanted to… he would have still stolen it, only then I
think maybe it would have hurt more? Been more painful since I would have been set on being its
parent?‖ She closed her eyes and took some steadying breaths.

―And sometimes I felt like this all happened to me because I… that I wouldn‘t be a fit parent, that
that‘s why I lost that ability. Like I was being punished for choosing to give the baby up?‖

―Bella, you don‘t still feel like this, do you?‖ Dr. Masen‘s calm and soothing voice drifted to us
as Bella‘s hand clamped onto mine tighter.

―Um… sometimes I think it, but then I remember just how vicious Dr. Cai was and how he had it
all planned out from the start. How he… how he and Alec used me for their sick pleasure… they
used me… they broke me… and that baby? It‘s the only life I will ever feel inside me. And that
hurts… it hurts…‖ she repeated a few times as the tears fell, her fingernails digging into my
palm so hard I was sure to be bleeding.

I gathered her into my arms and just held her as she cried; me and Dr. Masen quietly waiting as
Bella cried for what she had lost, for what she could never have.

I think that is what Bella truly mourned, not the baby so much but the loss of having her own
children one day, to have a family and kids and all of the things she should have been able to
have.

I also think this made her feel guilty, guilty for mourning the loss of fertility more than the loss
of the baby. Which is why she had shut down so hard, so completely while her mind was in
shock.

―I… Edward… it‘s so hard.‖ Bella‘s hoarse and broken voice brought me out of my ponderings,
out of the past four hellish weeks I‘d lived with her. Not that being with her wasn‘t worth it,
because it was, I just wished it had been easier for her, better for her.

―I know, baby, I know. And I‘m so sorry.‖ I didn‘t know what else to say. I was at a loss as
everything seemed so trivial.

―I just… is it wrong of me to cry over something that was never meant to be mine in the first
place? Like… I know, even now, that this boy wasn‘t meant to be mine. But it still deserved life.
It deserved to grow.‖ Bella scooted around a little until she was sitting sideways, her legs resting
on the bench next to us, her head on my shoulder, her cheek over my heart. I kissed the top of her
head and tightened my hold on her.

―No, I don‘t think so, Bella. Just because you knew this was not meant to be your son to raise, he
is still your child. You gave him life and that… that bastard took it. Robbed not only him of life,

but you as well…‖

―I guess…‖ she sighed. ―I just wish I knew why it had all been this way. Wished I knew what in
the hell they were doing with all the equipment, the eggs, the tissue, why they felt the need to
take him out prematurely when there was nothing wrong with him. He was perfectly healthy,
Edward. He was… perfect.‖

―I know.‖

We continued sitting there for a little while longer, her trembling in my arms as she cried, and
me doing my best to help her feel my love, my devotion, my never-ending presence in her life.
Because it would be never-ending, of that I was positive.

―Bella, we should go. There are so many who love you who want to support you.‖

―I know,‖ she replied, her voice sounding weak and sad. ―I don‘t really want to go out there, but
I need to.‖

She moved to get up off my lap when I wrapped my arms tighter about her.

―I just need to say something first, okay? I‘d like to think we can see this as some form of
closure for you. We may never know the ‗why‘s‘ but I‘d like to think we don‘t need those
answers now.

―We gave him a beautiful burial, with a beautiful service filled with people who love you… us…
and who have always been there for you. Let‘s try to focus on the good parts of this, focus on
how lucky you are to actually have him back, even if it‘s not the way you would have originally
wanted it. You can come visit him whenever you want, we can fly out here anytime, I promise
you that.

―And, besides, now he‘s resting with your family next to him. He may have been taken from
you, Bella, but he has returned to lay with those who have passed on. Wherever he is, Bella,
because I know his spirit lives on, he knows what you‘ve done for him and I know he would only
want you to be happy. To move forwards. Move on… with me, I hope.‖ I smiled at the end,
causing Bella‘s lips to twitch even as her tears fell from her beautiful eyes.

―Yes, Edward, yes I know. He would want that. It‘s just hard to remember sometimes. And I…
we are lucky that he came back to be laid to rest with my family. It gives me peace, strength,
gratitude,‖ she whispered as she turned and placed a kiss to my lips.

―And you‘re right,‖ she said, her lips still against mine as she spoke. ―He would want me to
move on… with you. And I will,‖ she finished and kissed me a little harder before getting up.

She extended her hand to me and helped me stand up. Before we moved to walk out of the
chapel, to face our family and friends, I pulled Bella into my embrace, my eyes firmly planted on
hers.

―I love you, you know that, right?‖ I asked her. Her gaze never wavered from mine as she
whispered a ―yes.‖

―Good,‖ I replied before I kissed her deeply, my tongue probing against hers as we let ourselves
get swept up in the moment; us together, a new start. We could finally move on now that the
baby had been laid to rest, and Bella could put this behind her… as much as her scars would let
her, anyway, both the visible ones on her body and the hidden ones in her mind.

They may never heal completely, but hopefully they would be able to be painted over with
happier memories, by the love we would always share together.

AN: So, there you have it. An epilogue left and this story will be over. Thanks to all of you
who have joined me on this journey, it would not have been the same without you.

This last week I also posted the last chapter to TTTD, and I just posted the very first
chapter to my BD story, Guarding My Life, go check it out if you'd like...

I have a couple of stories I'd like for you to check out when you have a minuite. Behind the
Clouds by EchoesOfTwilight. The link is in my fave stories. Also, make sure you check out I
Get Off by britpacksuccubus, also in fave stories. These two stories are both amazing and
you won't be sorry you tried them out.

3

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