“YouthinksinceyoustayedovernightIshouldlet

youmovein?”

Derek’swordsinfuriatedher.Maceytookaslow,calmingbreaththatactuallydidn’tdoadamnthing
tosettleher.Herheadthrobbedintimewithherpulse.

“Idon’twantanythingfromyou,”shefinallyanswered.“Iwantsomethingforyou.Somethinglike
peaceofmind.Youroldpersonality.Aflashofhappinessnowandthen.That’sallIwant,Derek.
Forgivemeforcleaning.Iwastryingtobenice,butthatseemstobeaforeignconcepttoyou.”

“Ididn’taskyoutobenice.Matteroffact,ImadeitveryclearIwasn’tupforavisitwhenyoucame
totown.”

Fine.Shegothismessage.Blindly,shegrabbedherpurseandhurrieddownthehalltothedoor.

“Macey…Wait.”

DearReader,

WhenIfirststartedwritingPlayingwithFire,itcenteredonalittlebeachbarinTexas,buttherewere
nofirefighters.Thehero,DerekSeverson,kepttryingtogetthroughtome,though.Keptinsisting
thatwhilehecurrentlymanagedthebar,heusedtobeafirefighter.Itriedtoshuthimup—triedtotell
himthebarwasenough—butintheend,Derekwasright.HewasafirefighterbeforefleeingtoSan
AmaroIslandtomanagetheShellShack.

OfcourseI’vealwayslookeduptofirefightersandthejobtheydo,butdelvingfurtherintotheir
world,researchingwhattheydoonadailybasis,hasgrownmyadmirationforthemimmensely.
They’retrueheroes,throughandthrough.

EventhoughDerekisgrievingarecenttragedy,andmixingdrinksforaliving,he’sstillthathero
deepinside.Stillthekindofmantoputothersfirst,todropeverythingtorescuesomeoneinneed.

Nowhisbestfriend,MaceyLocke,hastoturnthetablesandrescuethebroodingfirefighter.Because
she’sknownforyearsthatDerekistheperfectmanforher.

ThankyouforpickingupDerekandMacey’sstory.IhopeyouenjoyreadingitasmuchasIenjoyed
writingit.Ilovetohearfromreaders,sopleasefeelfreetostopbymyWebsite,
www.amyknupp.com,myblog,www.writemindedblog.com,orcontactmedirectlyat
amyknupp@amyknupp.com.

AmyKnupp

PlayingwithFire

AmyKnupp

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

AmyKnupplivesinWisconsinwithherhusband,twosonsandfive(feline)beasts.She
graduatedfromtheUniversityofKansaswithdegreesinFrenchandjournalismand
feelsluckytouseverylittleofeitheroneinherwritingcareer.She’samemberof
RomanceWritersofAmericaandsharesablogwithfourotherpublishedauthors,
calledWriteminded.Inhersparetime,sheenjoysreading,collegebasketball,addictive
computergamesandwatchingbigredfiretrucksraceby.TolearnmoreaboutAmy
andherwriting,visitwww.amyknupp.com.

BooksbyAmyKnupp

HARLEQUINSUPERROMANCE

1342—UNEXPECTEDCOMPLICATION

1402—THEBOYNEXTDOOR

1463—DOCTORINHERHOUSE

1537—THESECRETSHEKEPT

DedicatedtoMaryAnn,myauntwhoread

eachofmybooksandalwayse-mailedme

totellmeherfavoritedetails.

Iwishshehadlivedlongenoughtoreadthisstory.

Ithinkshewould’vebeenamusedwith

thevintage70sblock-and-a-half-long,dent-and

personality-filledLincolnnamedafterher.

Acknowledgments

Totheretiredfirefighter(intypicalherostyle,heaskedtonotberecognized)who’sbeenamazingly

patientandthoroughinhisanswerstomynever-endingquestions.Withouthisgeneroushelp,I
couldn’thavewrittenthisbookorthetwothatfollowinthetrilogy.Anyerrorsorinaccuracies

regardingfirefightingareentirelymine.Thankyoumanytimesover…andthatstilldoesn’tseem

sufficient.

TothemembersoftheWritemindedReadersGroup…You’vebeencheeringformyfirefighterssince

beforethestorieswereevencontracted.Thankyouforyourenthusiasm,yourencouragementand

yourfriendship.

Tomyfamily…Mymomanddadforsupportingmeandshamelesslypromotingmetoeveryone

theyknow.MyboysfordoingtheirbesttokeeptabsonhowmanybooksI’vewritten,whichoneI’m

workingonandwhatthetitlewillbe.Myhusbandforbelievinginmeandgivingmetheopportunity

tochasemydreamsfull-time.ThankyouallfordealingwithAmyOnDeadlineandlovingme

anyway.

CHAPTERONE

ACEY

OCKEDIDN’TOFTEN

wakeupaloneinaman’sbed.Shedidn’toftenwakeupina

man’sbedperiod.Buthereshewas,sprawledacrossDerekSeverson’smattress,hoggingthecovers,
huggingthepillow.

Fantastic.Anawkward“morningafter”andshehadn’tevenhadthepleasureofspendingthenight

withhim.

Notthatthatwouldhappen.Notnow,notever.

Shesatup,cringingassherecalledthenightbefore.She’ddrivenalldaytogettoDerek’sbaron

SanAmaroIsland,andthoughshe’dtriedtoprepareherselfforthestatehewasin,hisless-than-
enthusiasticreceptionhadcutdeep.She’dstupidlythoughtjustthesightofanoldfriend—her—would
digthroughhislayersofgriefandsorrowandatleastwarrantasmile.

She’dthoughtwrong.

Maceyhelpedherselftotheconnectingbathroomandsplashedwateronherface,thenlooked

longinglyatthetinyshowerstall.Maybelater.She’dmadeherselfathomeenoughalready,barging
inandstealinghisbedwhileheclosedupthebar.Thatshe’dneverintendedtofallasleepdidn’tmake
itanymoreacceptable.

Sheranabrushthroughherhairandpulleditupintoasloppybunasshereturnedtothebedroom.

Herflip-flopswerenexttothebed,whereherfeethadbeenhangingovertheside;shemust’vekicked
themoffinhersleep.Sheslippedthemon,andwasabouttogofindDerekwhenshenoticedthe
framedphotoshe’dleftamongthepileofblankets.Onceagainshewascompelledtopickitup.

Julie.Derek’sgirlfriendwho’ddied.

She’dknownJulievaguely.HadwatchedasDerekfellinlovewithher.Itwaspartofwhathad

pushedMaceytodosomethingasdrasticasjoiningthePeaceCorpstwoyearsago.

Butinsteadofthecuttingjealousyshe’dfelttowardthiswoman,nowsorrowmadeherthroatburn

andhereyeswateranew.

Feelingevenmorelikeanintruder,shesetthephotobackonthenightstandandlefttheroom,

wipingtearsaway.

HadDerekevenbotheredtocomehome?

Thesoftdroneofthetelevisionansweredherquestionasshereachedtheopenkitchenandliving

area.Therehewas.Crashedoutonaworn,onceoverstuffedchairthatlookedtoosmallforhislong,
muscledbodytobeanythingclosetocomfortable.Hewasstillasleep.Sheshouldgivehimprivacy
but…

Wow.

Heworeapairofblackboxers,nothingelse.AlargetattoooftheTexasLonghornlogo,with

flamesaddedbehindit,emphasizedthesizeofhisbiceps.Hischestwassculptedwithmusclesanda
sprinklingoflight-coloredhairtrailingdownthemostrippedabsshe’deverseen.She’dthoughtsix-
packabswerefictional,buttheyweretotallyaliveandoh-so-wellhere.Hereyestrackedslowly,
appreciativelydownwardandeventuallylandedonstrong,solidthighs.Sheswallowedhard,knowing
thislittleinspectionofherswasareallybadideaforagirlwhocouldn’taffordtobeattractedtothis
man.Shewatchedhischestriseandfallforafewbreathsbeforehergazetraveleduptohisface.

Thatwaslikehavingabucketofcoldwaterpouredoverherhead.Dereklookedexhausted,asifhe

hadn’tsleptforamonth.Thehaironhischinwasmorethanashadow,makinghimappearolder,
rougherthanhewas.Hisash-blondhairwaslongerthanshe’deverseenit;forDerek,normallywith
military-shorthair,thatmeantmaybelongenoughforawomantorunherfingersthroughit.She
clenchedherhandsintofists.

Maceyrecalledtheemptinessinhiseyeslastnight,andsheachedtocomforthimsomehow.To

touchhim,torunherpalmsgentlydownhisarms,toholdhishandsinhers.

Derekwouldnevertoleratehersympathy,though.

Whathe’dhavetofigureoutwasthatshewasnolongertheshy,afraid-of-confrontationgirlhe’d

known.ThePeaceCorpshadchangedherinsomanyways,andshewasn’tgoingtobackdownfrom
him,toughfirefighterornot,nomatterhowuglyhegotwithher.

Derekstirredinthechair,turnedhisheadtheotherway,andshewaitedforhimtodiscoverher

admiringhim.Buthiseyesremainedclosed,andheexhaleddeeplybeforeslippingbackintoeven
breathing.

Maceysteppedawaysilently,filledwithsomanyemotionsherheadfeltasifitwouldburst.

Shebelatedlynoticedtheviewoutthesliding-glassdoorandthemostlyglasswall.Waves.Sand.

Patchesofseagrass.Lotsofpeople.Sheunlatchedthedoor,glancingtowardDerektomakesurehe
wasstillasleep.Sheneededtogetherheadstraightbeforeroundtwowithhim,sosheslidthedoor
openwithoutasoundandwentout.

SSOONAS

ACEYWASGONE

,Derekgotuptodealwiththekinkinhisneck,stompinghisleftfootto

wakehisleg.Feigningsleephadbeennearlyimpossiblebecauseofhisdiscomfort,butthelastthing
hecouldhandlewasacheerymorninggreetingfromMacey.

Damnwoman.Whatwasshedoinghere?

Hecheckedoutthedoorandspottedherlightbrownhairandshortframehalfwaybetweenthepatio

andthewaves.Lastnightatthebar,there’dbeenamomentwhenhe’dbeengladtoseeher.Had
perkedupwhenshe’dappeared.He’dtampedthatdownrightaway,though.Hedidn’twanttohurt
Macey,butdammit,he’dcomeasfarsouthashecould—whilestillbeinginTexas—tobebyhimself.

Afterthrowingonclothes,hestrodetothekitchenandturnedonhiscellphone.Ignoringthe

displaythattoldhimhehadtwelvemessages,hepunchedinhismother ’snumber.

“Hello?”

“Idon’tneedababysitter,Mom.I’mtwenty-eightyearsold.”

“Derek,it’sgoodtohearyourvoice.You’vebeenignoringmycalls.”

“Runningabarhere.TellMaceyshecangobackhome.Idon’twantheraround.”

“I’mnotgoingtotellMaceyanything.I’mnot—”

“Cutthecrap,Mom.Iknowyouputheruptoit.”Hepacedthroughthecondoblindly.“Look,I

knowyou’retryingtohelp.WhatIneedrightnowistobealone.”

“Youcan’tmeanthat.MaybeMacey’sexactlywhatyouneed.Shewon’tpushyou—”

“Damnright,shewon’t,becauseshecan’tstayhere.”

“You’llhavetotakethatupwithher.She’splannedasix-weekvacationforherselfdownthere.

Well-deservedafterspendingtwoyearsinThailand,wouldn’tyousay?”

Derekgroundhisteethtogether.Helovedhismom—hereallydid.Buttherewasareasonhehadn’t

returnedhercalls.Hell,therewasareasonhe’djumpedatthechancetomoveawayandrunGus’sbar
forhim.Thiskindofcallwasthatreason,clearlyandemphatically.

“Gottago,Mom.Goodbye.”Heendedthecallandsetthephonedownhardonthecounter.

Atanunobtrusiveknockontheglassdoor,hewhippedaround,readytoblow.Ofcourse,itwas

Macey.Hecouldn’tignoreher,ashewouldastranger,andthatjustpissedhimoffmore.Hewentto
thedoorandsliditopen,hisfrustrationthinlyveiled.

“IhopeIdidn’twakeyou,”shesaid,eyeinghimcarefully.

“No.Look,Mace—”

“Ijustneedtoborrowyoursink.Maybeabandageifyouhaveone.”

Hefollowedhergazedownwardandnoticedshewasn’tputtinganyweightonherleftfoot.She

liftedittothesidetorevealbloodonthesand.

“Whathappened?”Grudgingly,heletherinside.

“Sliceditonarock.I’mfine.”Shehoppedtothekitchenandlookedaround.“Papertowels?”

“Don’thaveany.Here.”Hepickedherup—sheweighednexttonothing—andputheronthe

counternexttothesink.

“Derek!”

“Letmelook.”Hegraspedherslendercalfandshestiffened.

“Icantakecareofit,”shesaidquietlybutfirmly.“AllIneedissomekindof…rag.”

“I’llgetyousometoiletpaperandabandageifyousitstill.”

Theireyesmetinastandoff.Afterseveralseconds,shenoddedinacquiescenceandhewenttothe

hallbath.

“Letmemakesurethere’snosandrubbedintothecut.”Hedidn’taskandhedidn’tmakeeye

contact;hejustwentforherlegagain,andthistimeshelethim.

“Well?”sheasked.

“There’ssand.We’llrunwateroverittocleanit.”

EREKHADCHANGED

,Maceythoughtasshewatchedhim.Evenmorethanshe’dexpected.

Shewantednothingmorethantogivehimthespacehecraved,butthatwasn’twhyshewashere.

Andokay,itwasn’tentirelythetruth,either.

Thetruthwasshe’ddojustaboutanythingtohelphimstophurtingsomuch.

Shestudiedtheangrysetofhisjawashecarefully,tenderlyrinsedherfootinthesink.Hismom

hadcautionedherhewouldbedifficult.Maceyhadtriedtoprepareherselfforit,hadcomedown
hereofherownaccordinspiteofMrs.Severson’swarnings.Shewasbeginningtounderstandnow.

Themanhe’dbeenwasstillintheresomewhere,though,burieddeep.Hisinsistenceonseeingto

herinjurywasalltheproofsheneeded.Derekhadalwaysbeenonetowatchoutforher,tohelp
anyoneinneed.Helpingwashisnatureasmuchasherswastobringordertothings.Thetrickwould
betogettothatinnerDerek,theoneshe’dknownandlovedforsomanyyears.Topullhimout.

“I’msorryIstoleyourbedlastnight,”shesaid.

“Nobigdeal.”Hecontinuedtoscowlasheworkedonherfoot.

“Imusthavebeenexhaustedtofallasleeplikethat.”

“Longdrive,”hesaidshortly.

“Anyway,thanksforlettingmestaythere.Isleptlikethe…likeababy.”

“Youcansay‘dead.’Avoidingtheworddoesn’tchangethatsheis.”

“I’m…sorry,Dare,”Maceysaidquietly.“Thatshedied.Inevergottosaythat.”

Hemethergazefinally,justforaninstant,andinthatmomentshesawsomuchpainshereached

outtohim.Touchedhisshoulder.

Hestoodabruptly.“Woundiscleanedandbandaged.I’mgoingonarunbeforework.”

Beforeshecouldslideoffthecounter,hewasgone.

CHAPTERTWO

HEN

ACEYWALKEDUP

toTheShellShack—Derek’sthatch-roofed,open-airbaronthe

beach—acoupleofhourslater,shecouldn’thelpbutnoticehewasoblivioustothewomanhewas
takinganorderfrom.Thatwassayingalot,asshewasendowedenoughfortwopeopleand
apparentlytookprideinshowingoffhergoodfortunewithateenystringbikinitop.Sheworea
barelytheresarongonthebottomthatrevealedto-die-forlegs,andMaceyinstantlyfeltliketheshort,
plaingirlshe’dalwaysbeen.Herownthin-strappedtankandshortdenimskirtwereaboutasdaring
andsexyasherwardrobegot.

Maceystoodinlinebehindfourorfivepeopletoordersomelunch.Themenuconsistedofafew

simpleitemslikeshrimp,nachos,burgersandhotdogs,shenoted.Andthensherealizedtherewere
morepeoplegatheredallthewayaroundthebar,waitingtoorder.Derekwasbyhimselfbehindthe
counter,althoughshecouldseeawomaninthesmallkitcheninback,zippingaround,preparing
food.

AfterfifteenminutesMaceyhadhardlyadvanced,andwasn’tanyclosertoordering.Derekstill

appearedtobecalm,buthewasstartingtogetimpatientcommentsfrompeopleinline.Thedaywas
hotandhumidalready,andshecouldseesweatformingalonghishairline.

Hewasnevergoingtowaitoneveryonebyhimself.

Maceywatchedhimforseveralmoreminutesbeforejumpingintoaction.Sheslippedaroundthe

endofthecounterandfumbledarounduntilshefoundapadofpaper.Shespottedapenbythecash
register,thenwenttothesideoppositeDerekandtookanorder.

Asshereachedintothebeercooler,Derekcameupbehindher.

“Whatareyoudoing?”

Hesoundedpissedoffinsteadofgratefulforherhelp.

“Savingyourbutt.”Sweetbuttthatitwas.

Shetookoutthreebottlesandwalkedaway,notlookingbacktogaugehisreaction.Shesnatched

oneoftheflimsypapermenusasapriceguideandwenttothecashregistertoringuptheorder.
Thankfully,themachinewasoldandstraightforward.

ThesecondgrouporderedBloodyMarysandshrimp,whichpresentedadoubleproblem.Macey

wenttothebackroomandquicklytookinthesightoftheslendergirlinhermid-twentiespressing
burgersonthegrill.

“Who’reyou?”theleggybrunetteasked.

“AfriendofDerek’s.He’sgettingslammedoutthere.DoIgiveyoufoodorders?”

ThegirltookthepieceofpaperfromMaceyandsetitonthecounterinanswer.Ooo-kay.She’d

takethatasayes.NowshejustneededtofigureouthowtomakeaBloodyMary.Shereturnedtothe
front.

Sheknewtherewastomatojuiceinthem,soshesearchedforacanofit.Theplacewasadisaster

area,asDerekflewaroundmixing,stirring,addingthisandthat.Maceysteppednexttohim.

“BloodyMarys,”shesaid,speakingloudlytobeheardoverthechatter.

Dereklookedatherforseveralseconds,neverpausinginwhathewasdoing.Shethoughtforsure

hewasgoingtosendheraway,whichwouldbestupid.Finallyshesawacquiescenceinhiseyes.

“Plasticcup,”hesaid,pointingtoastack.“Justabouteverythinggoesinaplasticcuphere.”She

grabbedthreeplasticcups.“Startwithvodka.”Hesetashotglassinfrontofher.“Fillthatforeach
drink.”

Shedidashesaidandnoticedhewasstillworkingonhisowncocktails.

“Addtomatojuice.”Hepointedattherecessedcooler.

Shewasclumsyandafraidofmakingabiggermessthantheyalreadyhad.Carefully,shepouredin

thejuice.Derekfinishedwhathewasdoingandwatchedherslowprogressforafewexcruciating
seconds.Hehandedhisdrinkstoher.

“Guyinthebrightblueshirtbytheregister.Alreadypaid.”

Shedeliveredthem,andwhenshereturnedtoDerek,hewasaddingashrimpgarnishonher

BloodyMarys.Shetookthemwithoutawordandplacedtheminfrontofthecustomer,thenwentto
thekitchen,hopingMissFriendlyhadsomeshrimpforher.Thereweretwocardboardcontainersof
shrimpandcocktailsauceonthecounternexttothedoorway.Maceyhesitatedhalfasecond,then
grabbedthem.

Thenexthourandahalfflewby,theonlyconversationbetweenherandDerekbeingdirectionsfor

mixingdrinks.Howdidthesepeopleimbibethisearlyintheday,anyway?Itwasn’tevenoneo’clock
yet.

Thecrowdfinallythinned,everyoneservedforthemoment,andMaceytookadeepbreath.Sweat

curledthehairathertemplesandranbetweenherbreasts.ShecopiedDerekandpickedupatowelto
startscrubbingallthesurfaces.

“Placelookslikeabombwentoff,”saidagravellyvoicedoldmanwhohadjusttakenthethird

stoolover.Heworealightbluebuckethatoverhiswispywhitehair,andawildfloralbutton-down
shirt.

“You’relate,”Dereksaidtotheguy.

“I’mnotontheclockanymore,soIguessthatdoesn’tmattermuch.”

Macey’sconfusionmust’veshownonherfacebecausewhenDerekglancedather,heexplained.

“Myuncle.Gus.Formerowner.”

Apparentlytheintroductionendedthere.Maceyheldoutherhand.“Nicetomeetyou,Derek’suncle

Gus.I’mDerek’sfriendMacey.”

Gustookherhandandhelditlongerthannecessary,butnotinadirty-old-manway.Hesmiledand

hiseyescrinkledatthecorners,asifhe’dlaughedalotinhislifetime.“Pleasedtomeetyou,Macey.
Didn’trealizehehadanyfriends.”

“MethimwhenIwasfiveanddidn’tknowanybetter.”

GushowledandnoddedinappreciationasDereksetadrinkinfrontofhim.

“Thisstraight?”GusaskedDerek.

“Purewhiskey.”

“Icantasteifyouwatereditdown.”

“That’swhyIdon’t.Butyouonlygetone.”

“We’llsee,”Gussaid,andtookaswallow.Hegruntedinself-righteousapproval.

“Wehavethisargumenteverysingleday,”DereksaidtoMaceyashewentbacktocleaningthe

counter.

“Boytriestomotherme,”Gussaid.“It’sokayforaprettyladytomothermebuthe’snotsopretty.”

No,prettywasn’tawordshe’dusetodescribeDerek.Sexyasallget-out,maybe.Andthefactthathe
triedtokeepthisgruffoldmaninlinewasendearing,especiallyasgrumpyasDerekhadbeentoher.

“That’swhyyoulikeitattheoldfolks’home,”Dereksaid.“Allthosenurseswaitingonyouhand

andfoot.They’dhavemyhideifIputyouonthebustanked.”

Maceyturnedtotheworkareaalongthebackwallandstartedputtinglidsonthecontainersoffruit

slicesinthecooler.Thelimesweregoneandthelemonswerelow.“Doyouhavemorefruit?”

“Youdon’thavetohelp,”Dereksaidasheorganizedtheliquorbottlesontheshelvesabove.

“Youneedhelp.”Inmorewaysthanone,butshewasn’tfoolishenoughtomentionit.“Areyou

planningtohiresomeone?”

“I’mworkingonit.”

“Doyouhaveanyapplicants?”

“IsaidI’mworkingonit.”

“Itoldhimamonthagoheneededtohirepeople,”Gussaid.

Theunsmilinggirlfromthebackroomappearedandfilledherglasswithiceandlemonade,

watchingMacey.“Hedoesn’ttakesuggestionswell.”

“Heneverhas,”Maceysaid,sensingthatthisotherfemalemightbeanallyinspiteofherchilly

demeanor.

Thegirlhadaroughedgetoher.Sheworeablack,body-huggingtee,old,tornjeansandheavy

combatboots.Hershinydarkhairlookedbabysoft,aninterestingcontrasttoherotherwisehard
facade.“Heworksopentoclose,sevendaysaweek.Tellmethat’snotinsane.”

“I’mrighthere,”Dereksnarled.“Icanheareverywordyousay.”

“Butyoudon’tlisten,”thegirlsaid.

“I’llsecondthat,”Gusmutteredfromthecounter.

“I’mMacey.Igrewupwiththestubbornone.”

“Andie.You’refamiliarwithhishardheadednessthen.”

“Very.Opentoclose…howmanyhoursisthat?”Maceyasked.

“From10:00a.m.to2:00a.m.Youdothemath.”

Themathsaidhewasabouttwostepsawayfromexhaustion.

“Nowonderyoulooksotired,”MaceysaidtoDerek.“Youcan’tdothat.”

“I’musedtotwenty-four-hourshifts.”

“Butatthefiredepartment,yougotseveraldaysoffinarow.”

“Andie,couldyoushowherwherethelimesareinback?”

Andiestaredathimasshesippedherdrink.“Firefighter?I’veworkedwithyouforfourweeksand

you’veneversaidaword.”

“I’vesaidasmuchaboutmypastasyou’vesaidaboutyours,”Derekpointedout.

“Mineisn’tinteresting.What’safirefighterdoinginaplacelikethis?”

“Tendingbar.”

“Youmustbehidingfromsomeone,”Andiespeculated,herheadtiltingasshesizedhimup.Or

something,Maceythoughttoherself.ThatDerekhadn’ttoldAndieaboutwhatwassuchabasicpart
ofhimconcernedhermorethananythingelse.Firefightinghadbeenmorethanjusthisjob,it’dbeen

hislife.Anditappearedhe’dgivenitupcompletely.

EREKHADMADE

NDIE

gohomeatmidnight,whenthey’dfinallyclosedthegrill.He’dtriedtoget

Maceytoleavethen,too,butshe’drefused.Thenalargegroupofcustomersdescendedonthemand
hedidn’thavetimetoargue.Atonepoint,asthey’dbothprepareddrinks,she’dshothimasmug
look,asiftosayhewouldn’thavebeenabletohandlethecrushofbusinessifshe’dleft.Thatmade
himirritable,possiblybecauseshemight’vebeenright.

Allhewantedtodowasclosethebar,gohomeandcollapse.He’dscrewedupbig-timenothiring

someonebeforenow.Gushadwarnedhim,butDerekhadhadnoconceptofhowmanypeoplewould
suddenlyinfiltratetheislandassoonasschoolswereoutforthesummeralloverthestateofTexas.
Hefeltasifhecouldsleepforaweek,except,ofcourse,hewouldn’tsleepmuchatallonceheturned
in.

They’djustservedlastcallandhadstartedcleaning.Acoupleofsmallgroupsstillhungaroundthe

highU-shapedcounterskirtingtheperimeteroftheshack,andclosingtimewasonlytenminutes
away.

“Hey,”Maceysaid,clearlynervousforsomereason.“Imeanttoaskyouearlier…wouldyoumind

ifIstayedatyourplacewhileI’mhere?”

He’dbeenmoppingupspillsonthecounterwithatowelthatwastoowet,butfrozeatherquestion.

Ahouseguestappealedtohimaboutasmuchashavingsomeonetakeabaseballbattohishead.He’d
letherstaytherelastnightonlybecauseshe’dbeensoundasleepwhenhefoundher.Hedidn’twant
anyonewitnessinghisnightlylivingroom–TVpatternoranythingelseabouthisscrewed-uplife.
Especiallysomeonewhowouldreportbacktohismom.Hewassurprisedshehadn’ttroopeddown
hereherself.

“Idon’tknow,Mace….”

Shequicklyshookherhead,disappointmentinhereyes.“ForgetIsaidanything.Icanfindahotel.”

Heputthetoweldown.“Look,Iknowmymomsentyou.I’mokay.Idon’tneedanyonespyingon

me.”

“Spying?Iwasn’tgoingtospy.”

“Butmymomdidsendyou.Didn’tshe?”Therewasnoquestioninhismind;hejustwantedMacey

toadmitit.

“Actually,sheadvisedmenottocome.Mentionedyouweredifficulttobearound.”

Thatsummarizeditwell.“Icametotheislandtobealone.Nooffense,Macey,butIneedsome

space.Fromeveryone.”

“Iunderstand.”

Buthecouldtellshedidn’t.Noonedid,andhedidn’texpectthemto.Aslongastheylefthimalone.

“I’mnotgoodcompany.You’rebetteroffstayingsomewhereelse.”

“Yeah.Igetit.”Shefinishedputtingeverythinginitsplace.“OkayifIheadout?”

“Ofcourse.”Consideringhe’dtriedtogethertogohoursbefore.Multipletimes.Nottomention

shewasn’tanofficialemployee.“ComebytomorrowandI’llpayyoufortheday.”

Shenoddedabsentlyandgotherorangesodafromunderthecounterbeforeleaving.

“Macey,”hesaid,knowingwhatacompleteassholehewasbeingnottoletherstaywithhim.

Shelookedbackoverhershoulder.

“Thanksforhelpingtoday.”

Thesmileshesenthiswaywasforced,nothinglikethegenuineoneshe’dhadforcustomersall

day.Buthesupposeditwasbetterthantheresponsehedeserved.

Thiswasexactlywhyhe’dtoldherno.Asmeanasitwasforhimtoturnheraway,his

transgressionswouldstackuphigherifheagreedtoletherstickaround.Whilehedidn’tliketohurt
her,hewasjustdoingwhathehadtodo.

CHAPTERTHREE

ACEYHADNEVERBEEN

muchofadoorslammer.Butwhenshegottohercar,stilloutside

ofDerek’scondo,awaysupthebeachfromthebar,sheswungthedoorshutsohardshewas
surpriseditdidn’tfalloffthehinges.

Sheleanedoverthesteeringwheel,exhausted.Shehadn’thelpedDerekoutalldayinthebarsothat

he’dfeelobligatedtoletherstaywithhim.Butthefactshecoulddothatforhimandthenhewouldn’t
lethersleeponhiscouch…

Shepoundedthesteeringwheelandstartedtheignition.Pullingontothestreet,shehadnoidea

whereshewasgoing.Allsheknewwassheneededabed,preferablytenminutesago.

Theislandapparentlyhadtwomainstreets—oneonthebaysideandthisone,onthegulfside.

Hotels,condos,souvenirshops,barsandrestaurantslinedboth,andhouses—someofthembuilton
stiltsincaseofflooding—linedtheperpendicularstreetsinbetween.She’dstopatthefirsthotelshe
cametothatdidn’tlookasifitwouldcostherafortune,andgetaroomforonenight.Tomorrow
she’dsearchforalonger-termrental.Derekmightthinkhecouldscareheroff,buthewaswrong
withacapitalW.He’dtickedheroffenoughtonightthatshe’dstayaroundtobotherhimjustoutof
obstinacy.

Thirtyminuteslater,MaceystruggledtocomeupwithplanB.Therewerenovacancies.Notevenat

theseedyhotels.Accordingtothenightmanageratthelastone,she’dbeluckytofindanything
tonight.

Heroptionswerelimited—okay,almostnonexistent.Shecouldkeeptryinghotels,hopingthatone

ofthemhadasparebroomclosettorentoutbeforeshekeeledover,orshecouldfindaplacetopark
andsuccumbtosleep.

Shedroveuptothenextchainhotelandturnedintothedriveway.Scanningtheparkinglot,she

couldn’tseeanemptyspaceanywhere.Asshepulledintothecheck-inlaneoutsidethemaindoor,she
peeredinside.Mightaswellgivethisonelastplaceatry.Iftheydidn’thavesomething,she’dsleepin
thecar.

Shehadheranswerwithinthirtyseconds.ToyotaInnitwas.Shefellintotheseatandstartedthe

engine.Withoutknowingwhereshewasheading,shewentbackthewayshe’dcome,drivingslowly,
lookingforaplacetoparkwhereshewouldn’tbebothered,wouldn’thaveabrightlightinherface
andhopefullywouldn’thavethepolicecalledin.

ShewasbacktoDerek’sbarbeforesherealizedit,andalmostdidn’trecognizeitallsealeduptight

forthenight.Closedanddark.Andownedbysomeonesheknewwouldn’tcallthecops.Sheturnedin
andpulledupascloseasshecouldgettothebuilding.

Hereyeswateredfromfatigueassheturnedofftheignition.Shepoppedthetrunkfrominside,then

climbedouttoopenhersuitcase.ShedugthroughituntilshefoundherUniversityofTexas

sweatshirt,andpulleditoverherhead.Shedidn’tevenbothertoreclosethesuitcase,justshutthe
trunkandwentbacktothedriver ’ssideandsankin.Shereclinedtheseatallthewayback,curledup
onhersideandpassedoutalmostimmediately,notallowingherselfasinglethoughtaboutDerek.

TWASN’TTHE

ILTON

,butthedriver ’sseatwasn’tmuchworsethanthethinmattressesMaceyhad

sleptonfortwoyearsinThailand.Sheopenedhereyesandcheckedherwatch.Twentyaftereight.
Themorningsunwasbeatingdownonthecarandshewascoveredwithsweat.Tosleepthroughthe
growingheatandallthepeopleoutandabout…Shefrownedwhensheraisedtheseatandrealized
howpublichermetalcampsitewas.

Sheglancedaroundtomakesureshedidn’thaveanaudience,andwonderedhowmanybeachgoers

hadambledcloseenoughtothecartonoticehersleeping.Sheshouldbeembarrassed,butshehadn’t
hadmanyalternativesattwo-thirtyinthemorning.

Aftergrabbingachangeofclothesfromhersuitcase,Maceyhurriedtothepublicrestroomoutside

Derek’sbar.She’dshowerassoonasshehadaprivatebathroom.

Thatwasherfirstorderofbusinessthismorning—findingaplacetorentforthenextfiveorsix

weeks.Actually,makethatthesecondpriority.Herstomachrumbledsoloudlyshewasafraidothers
wouldhearit.

Shedrovetothegrocerystoreshe’dspottedonherwayintotown.Minuteslatershetookamaple-

frosteddoughnut,abottleofgrapejuiceandavacationrentalmagazineoutontothebeach,downa
waysfromDerek’sbarandintheoppositedirectionfromhiscondo.Shewasn’treadytoseehimyet.
Wouldhavetoprepareherselfmentally—andphysically,forthatmatter.Itwasgoingtotakesome
efforttoactasifeverythingwasfineandhehadn’thurther.

ERNEWAPARTMENT

hadseenbetterdays.Probablyaboutthirtyyearsago.Butwhenthesixtyish

property-managementladyhadmentionedthattwo“hunky”firefighterslivedinthesamebuilding,
Maceyhadn’tbeenabletoresisttheplace.Itwasn’tthe“hunk”factorthatattractedher,thoughifthe
womanwasrightinherassessmentthatwouldmakethingsallthemoreinteresting.Maceywas
plotting,hopingtofindoutmoreaboutthelocaldepartment,withtheultimategoalofsomehow
gettingDerektorecognizethat’swherehebelonged.Timeofffromfirefighting,sheunderstood.But
shewasafraidhemightneverlethimselfreturn,andthatwouldbeashame.

Sonow,inadditiontofirefightingneighbors,shehadashowerthatstayedhotforagoodeightand

ahalfminutes,atinykitchenwithappliancesfromanavocado-greenera,andabed—luxuriously
queen-size,noless.

Bestofall,shehadaminusculeview.Herbudgetdidn’tcomeanywhereclosetocoveringan

apartmentdirectlyonthebeach,soshe’dhavetosettleforabedroomwindowablockandahalf
fromthegulf.Whiletheviewwaspartiallyblockedbycondos,shecouldseeactualbluewater.And
sandandsky.Therewasadeskinfrontofthewindow,whichwouldmakeaperfectplaceforherto
work.

She’dalreadyunpackedheroutdatedpre–PeaceCorpslaptopandsetituponthedesk,andcouldn’t

waittodivein.ThePeaceCorpsWebsiteandliteraturehadpromisedalife-changingexperience,and

that’sexactlywhatMaceyhadgotten.Notonlyhaditalteredherpersonally,givenhermore
confidence,abroaderviewoftheworldandmoreappreciationfortheadvantagesofgrowingupin
theU.S.,butithadchangedhercareergoalssignificantly.

PriortoAsia,she’dhopedtouseherbusinessdegreetogointoprojectmanagementwithalarge

firmsomewhere.HerjobinThailandhadbeentohelpvillagersandruralresidentssetuptheirown
businessestoprovidefortheirfamilies.Comparedtohercorporatedreams,she’dbeenworkingona
minutescale—withfarmers,fishermen,weaversandsomanyotherservicesthatAmericansgave
littlethoughtto.She’dlovedit.Thechangethosepeoplehadbeenabletomakeintheirliveswithher
assistanceinbusinessplanninghadhumbledher,litasparkdeepinsideofher.

NowshewantedtodosomethingsimilarinDallas,herhometown,specificallyassistingsingle

women.Sheintendedtouseherso-calledvacationontheislandtodevelophernonprofitfoundation’s
ownbusinessplan.Shewantedtostartitupbeforetheendoftheyear.

Maceyfinishedunpackingherclothesandputtingthemintothebeat-updresserinthefurnished

apartment.Shecheckedherwatchtomakesureitwaslateenoughforhernextobjectiveoftheday:
lobbyingDerekforajob.

Itwastwelveforty-five.Perfect.Shehadjustenoughtimetogetdressedandheadoverthere.Andif

alittlemanipulationhadtocomeintoplaytogetherway,sobeit.

“H

IREME

,”Maceysaidfromthecustomersideofthebarjustaftertheinsanitycalledlunchdied

down.

DerekstaredatherashehelpedhimselftoaCoke.“Thoughtyouwereonvacation.”

“Ineedthecash.”

Stallingashetriedtocomeupwithagoodobjection,hetookadrinkandcheckedthatthefan

pointingbehindthebarwasonhigh.“Youdon’tknowaTomCollinsfromanAdamandEve.”

“Icanlearn.”

“I’llteachher,”Gussaidfromrightnexttoher.

“WhyamInotsurprisedyou’reonherside?”heaskedhisuncle.

Andiecameinfromthebackroomthen,onherwayout.Shenormallyworkedasplitshift,helping

overlunchandreturningatdinnereacheveninguntilthegrillclosed.Exceptforyesterday…There’d
beennosplitinhershiftbecausebusinesshadneversloweddownenough.Because,yeah…heneeded
morepeople.

“I’mleaving,”shesaid,thenspottedMacey.“Hey,whatwereyoudoingsleepinginyourcarthis

morning?”

Macey’scheeksturnedpinkandshestaredattheplasticcupinfrontofher.“Um,sleeping.

Everythingwasfulllastnight.”

“AndSuperDerekdidn’ttakeyouin?Nice.”Andieshotascowlhiswayandshookherheadasshe

walkedoutofthebar.

Derekwantedtohitsomething.Hewassuchabastard.Butwhatthehellwashesupposedtodo?The

effortittookforhimtobenicewasmorethanhecouldhandle.

“Mixeddrinksareaforeignconcepttoyou,”hesaidtoMacey,refusingtoacknowledgethewhole

sleeping-in-the-carconversation.“Yourideaofagooddrinkisawinecooler.”

“Whichyousadlydon’tevenhave,soIguessthere’snochanceofmegettingdrunkontheclock.”

“Sheneedstheexposuretomoreappealingcocktails,Derek,you’vegottoadmit,”Gussaidmatter-

of-factly.“You’dbedoingheraservice.”

Shewastryingtowormherwayintohislife,dammit.Heknewthisandhehatedit,buthehatedthe

thoughtoftryingtofindreliableemployeesmore.Theislandhadbeenfullofflakesbeforehigh
season,andhe’dbetthewholebarandeverythinginitthere’dbeevenmoreinfiltratingtheareanow.

Besides,hiringherwouldbeapeaceofferingafterlastnight.Heleanedagainstthebackcounter,

whichstillneededcleaning.

He’dpromisedGustoreturnTheShellShacktobeingtheplacetohangoutontheisland,asitwas

beforeGushadhadtoclosedownlastyear.Ifwordgotouttheservicesuckedortherewasathirty-
minutewaitforabeer,thatwouldn’thappen.Maceycouldhelphimturnthingsaround.Shewasthe
businessqueen,afterall.

“Fine,”hesaid.“Fivebucksanhouruntilyouhavehalfacluewhatyou’redoing.”

“Sostartteachingmesomedrinks,”shesaideasily,andhefeltliketheworstkindofjerk.Shewas

onlytryingtohelphim.

“Eatsomethingfirst.”Hemotionedtothekitcheninback.“Fast,beforethenextbunchofpeople

showsup.”

“Yes,sir.”Maceysalutedhim.“Youshouldeat,too.”

“No,anddon’tthinkjustbecauseIgaveyouajobthatyoucanbuttintomylifeormakemeeat.”

“Whateveryousay,Dare.”

Hecouldtellbythelookonherfacethatshedidn’tmeanawordofit.Therewasnoquestioninhis

mindhewouldlivetoregrethislatesthire.

CHAPTERFOUR

“Y

OU’REWALKINGHOME

?”

Derekaskedashelockedthelastsetofshuttersonthebarthat

night.

“Yes,I’mwalkinghome.Ihappentolovewalkingonthebeach.”

“Where’shome?”

Maceyrefusedtoletasmart-aleckretortaboutsince-when-did-he-careslipout.Thelessheknew

abouthowmuchhe’dupsetherlastnight,thebetter.“Homeisthatway,”shesaid,pointingvaguely.

“Notyourcar?”

“Notmycar.Onenightofthatisplenty,thanks.”Oops.Shecouldn’thelpherself.

“Macey,I’mreallysorryabout—”

Sheheldupherhand.“It’sfine,Dare.”Shegrabbedherpurseandtheorangesodashe’djust

refilled.“Seeyoutomorrow.Wantmehereatten?”

“Noon’sfine.Businessdoesn’tpickuptillthen.Macey,wait,”hesaidasshestarteddownthe

concretestepsfromthesprawlingpatiodottedwithweatherproofmetaltablesandchairs.

Sheturnedtowardhimandwaitedashelockedthedoorandcheckedit.

“I’lldriveyouhome.”

“Iwanttowalk.”

“Youdidn’tusedtobethisstubborn.”

“It’slessthanamile.I’llbefine.”

Hestaredatherunderthebrightlightthatilluminatedthepatioandthehotelnextdoor.“I’m

walkingyouhome,then.”

“Youwerealwaysthisstubborn.”MaceywasactuallygladtoseeanyhintoftheDereksheusedto

know,andcouldn’tholdbackasmile.“Suityourself.”

ShestartedwalkingandDerekcaughtupwithouthesitation.

“YoudoknowI’vespentthepasttwoyearsonmyowninaforeigncountry?”shesaidasthey

paddedthroughthecushiony,drysand.

Hedidn’trespond.Fantastic.Shehadherselfasilent,broodingchaperone.Ignoringhismoodiness,

shetookinthebeautyaroundher.Thethunderingwavesrolledin,fascinatingher.Frighteningherat

thesametimetheylulledher.KindoflikeDerek.

Sheangledtowardthewater,butstoppedjustshortofit.Herachingfeetcriedoutforit,butthesalt

wouldstingthecutonherfoot,regardlessofthethickbandagesshe’dlayeredon.

“Sowhat’sAndie’sstory?”sheasked,wantingtogetDerektotalk.Aboutanything.“Noidea.”

“Youhiredher.You’vegottoknowsomethingabouther.”

“Iknowherlastname,thatsheridesamotorcycleandthatsheshowsupforworkwhenshe’s

supposedto.”

“Isshealocal?”Maceytriednottocringeattheverylargegapinhisinfo.

“Don’tthinkso.Shetravels.”

“Travels.”Derekwasn’tnormallyanidiot,buthiringsomeonewithoutgettingbasicinformation,

references…ThatwassomethingMaceywouldneverdo.

“She’sworkedout,”hesaiddefensively.

“Sofar.”

“Andie’sfine.Itrusther.”

“Yeah,”Maceysaid,realizingshedid,too,strangelyenough.“ButI’llhandlethehiringfromnow

onifyoudon’tmind.”

“Bemyguest.”Histonewasindifferent,notatalloffended.

“Gorgeousnight,”shesaid,stoopingtopickupashellthatgleamedinthemoonlight.

Theairwasstillwarm,andthickwithmoisture.Starspepperedthecloudlessskyandthesliverofa

moonhungdelicatelyoverthegulf.Therewerecouplesandsmallgroupsofpeoplescatteredhere
andtherealongthebeach,butnooneclose.

Thisplacespoketosomethingdeepinsideher.Shewasdrawntothewaterasifshe’dlivedher

wholelifehere,asifitwereapartofhershe’dbeenmissing.Shefilledherlungswiththesaltyair,
andacalmsettledoverher.

Theymadetheirwayalongtheshoreinsilence.Derekstaredstraightahead,shenoticed,asifhe

wasoblivioustotheserenity,thebeauty.ButthenDerekhadalwaysbeenMr.Practical.

“Youshouldcheckoutthescenerysometime,”shesaid,smiling.“ThisiswhyIchoosetowalk.”

Helookedatherasifhe’dforgottenshewasthere.“Huh?”

Maceysweptherhandouttoindicate,well,everything.Howanyonecouldbenumbtothese

surroundingsshedidn’tknow.Butthenagain,shecouldn’tbegintoimaginewhatdarkuglyplace
Derekwasstuckin.

“Sothebarmadelotsofmoneytoday,”shesaidinanattempttokeepthetopicneutral.“Wealmost

managedtokeepupwiththecustomers.”

“Yeah.”

“IthoughtI’dpostHelpWantedfliersaroundtown,”shecontinued.“Ifigureweneedatleastfour

morepeople,maybemoreiftheyonlywantpart-timework.”

“Okay.”

“Andmaybeoncewehirethem,wecouldrentthemoutasescortsafterhours.”

“Sure.Wait…what?”

“Justmakingcertainyou’repayingattention.Theescortbusinesswouldgetussomebadpress,

huh?”

Derekfinallylookedather—reallylookedather.Shetriedtohidehergrin.

“Kidding,”shesaid,focusingontheshell-speckledsand.“Thatwasajoke.”

“Interestingidea.ButlikelytogiveGusaheartattack.”

“He’ssomethingelse,isn’the?”Shechuckled,thinkingaboutthecantankerousactDerek’suncle

putonto,shesuspected,getareactionfromDerek.

“Hemeanswell.Hejustinsistsonbeingannoyingaboutit.”

“Ilikehim.”

“That’sright—youtwoarebestfriends.Howmuchfarthertoyourplace?”

“Youdon’thavetowalkmeallthewayhome.I’mperfectlysafe.”

Derekglancedaround.“Allkindsofyo-yosouthere.”

Shelovedhisprotectivetendency,evenifitwasjustthewayhewaswitheveryone.Sheusedto

dreamthatitmeantsomethingspecialbetweenthem,butshe’dlongagoresignedherselftothereality
thatitdidn’t.She’dforcedherselftomoveon.

Mostly.

Whenshesneakedasidewaysglanceathisprofile,sheshivered.Inthedimmoonlight,theweary

shadowsonhisfacewereinvisibleandonlythestronganglesstoodout.HelookedliketheDerek
she’dgrownupwithinsteadoftheonecarryingtheweightoftragedyonhisshoulders.

“Mypathispastthatnexthotel,”shetoldhim,gesturingtowardtheCasadelMar.“Icanmakeit

fromhere.”

“MaybeIwanttoseewhereyou’restaying.”

“DidImentionhowstubbornyouare?”

“Atimeortwotodaysofar.”

“Isthisguilt-induced?Isthatwhyyouinsistonseeingmehome?”

“Ifitis,gowithit.Mykind,unselfishgesturesareatapremium.”

Asifshehadn’tnoticed.

Afewminuteslater,Derekclimbedtheflightofstairswithhertohersecond-floorapartment.

“There’sreallynotmuchtoseeyet,”shetoldhim.“Genericfurniturethatcamewiththeplaceisall.

Notevenanypetdustbunnies.”

Sheunlockedthedoorandpusheditopen.

“Youshouldputadeadboltonthis,”Dereksaid,followingherin.

“Saysthemanwholeaveshisdoorunlockedforanyonetocomeinoffthestreets.”

“Luckyforyou.”

“Wantasnack?”sheasked,headingintothebathroom-sizekitchenette.“I’mstarving.I’vegot

Cheez-Its,trailmixandDingDongs.”

“Onahealthkick?”

“Onthereboundfromverylittlejunkfoodfortwoyears.Nearlykilledme.”

ShetookouttheboxofDingDongsandgrabbedtwopackagesofchocolatyheaven.Sheheldone

outforhimbuthegravelyshookhishead.

“You’resayingnotoDingDongs?”Sherippedhersopenandtookabigbite,closinghereyesto

savorthesweetness.“Yourloss.”

TherewasadaywhenDerekwould’verazzedherforagoodtenminutesoverhernutritionally

lackingcuisine,butnowhestaredatthehalf-eatencakeasifit’dbethedeathofher.Shewatchedhim
asshechewed,missingthateasysmilethatwasoncesuchabigpartofhim.

“Sit,”shesaid,motioningtothefloorinfrontofthefunctional,boxysofa.

“Ineedtogethome.”

“Why?SoyoucanfallasleepwatchingTV?”sheaskedonahunch.Thelookonhisfaceconfirmed

hehadn’tjustsleptinhischairtheothernightbecauseshe’dinvadedhisbed.She’dbetmoneyhe
crashedonthechairregularly.

Dereksatheavilyonthesofa.

“Notthere,”Maceysaid.“Floor.”

“Youwantmetositonthefloor.”

“Trustmeforonce.”

HelookedatherwarilyasshefinishedoffthesecondDingDongandlickedthefillingoffher

fingers.

“Youjustatetwoofthosethingsinthirtysecondsflat.”

“Yes.”

“Andyouwantmetotrustyou.”

Shenoddedandwashedherhandsinthekitchensink.“Down,”shesaidassheapproachedthesofa.

Heloweredhimselftothefloorwithastoicexpression.Maceyclimbedontothesofadirectly

behindhimandstartedrubbinghisshoulders.Hismusclesweresotightheactuallyflinchedwhenshe
appliedpressure.

“Wow,”Maceysaid.“You’reonegiantknot.”

“Probablyfrombeingforcedtosleeponthechairbysomewaywardchickwhostolemybed.”

“Right.”Maceyworkedherthumbsnearhisspine.“Thismessisn’tthekindthathappensovernight.

Relax.”

“Iamrelaxing.”

Sheflickedhiminthesideofthehead.“IfthisisrelaxingthenI’mthequarterbackforthe

Cowboys.”

“It’sasgoodasitgets.”

Andthat’swhyheneededher.Ifhewasthistwistedupontheoutside,shehatedtoimaginewhathe

waslikeontheinside.

“Liedown,”shesaid,gettingoffthesofa.

Dereklookedupatherwithsomethingbetweentemptationandannoyance.“You’vegottenbossy.”

“I’vealwaysbeenbossy.Ijustusedtohideitwell.”Maceypattedthecushion.“Youknowyouwant

to.”

“No.Idon’t.”

“Whynot?YourneckisamessandI’dwagermoneyyourbackisjustasbad.”

“It’slate.”

“Thesooneryouliedown,thesooneryoucangohomeandsleeponyourchair.”

Derekstoodwithanaggravatedgrunt.“Iwon’tfitonthatcouch.”

Shelookedatthesofaandlookedathim.“You’reright.You’llhavetosettleforthefloor.”Noway

couldshelethimstretchoutonherbed.Abig,muscledfirefighterinherbedwouldbeavery
dangerousthing.

Hestudiedher.“You’renotgoingtoletthisgo,areyou?”

Maybeitwasstupidofhertopushhimbutthiswassomethingshecoulddo.Shecouldn’ttakeaway

hisgrieforhispainoranyoftheotherhard-coreemotionshewaswrestling—oravoidingwrestling
—butshecouldhelphimphysicallyrelax.

Maceystaredhimdownandpointedatthefloor.

“Youcouldn’tfollowmymom’sadvice,”hemutteredashekickedhisshoesoffandpulledhisshirt

overhishead.Maceysuckedinherbreathatthesightofhisnakedchest.Shereallyneededtobe
carefulwhatshewishedfor.Admiringhimwhilehesleptwasonething,buttouchinghim?Withno
shirt?Inadifferentlifetimeitwouldbeherownpersonalnirvana,butnow?Torture.

Toughjobbutsomebodyhadtodoit.

Helayonhisstomachonthebeigecarpetthatlookedalmostnew.Herestedhisheadonhisarms,

givingherafantasticviewofbiceps,tricepsandwhathaveyou.InadditiontotheLonghornonhis
arm,hehadatattooofafirefighter ’scrossontheupperleftsideofhisback.

Maceysettledonthefloornexttohimandstartedworkingtheshoulderbladeclosesttoher,

diggingintothecordsofmuscle.Asshe’dguessed,theywerestrungtight.

“Youneedaprofessional,”shetoldhimassheranherthumbbackandforthoverastubbornknot.

“DoesthatmeanIcangohome?”

“Notuntilyouadmitthisfeelsgood.”

Hisresponsewasanoncommittalsoundinhisthroat.

Afterseveralminutesofdeeptissuemassageononeshoulder,Maceyswitchedtohisrightsideand

startedin.“Thisside’sevenworse.”

Derekdidn’tsayanything,didn’tstir,andshewonderedifhe’dgonetosleep.Couldhehave

relaxedthatmuch?Whenshefinished,sheglancedathisface,andsawhiseyesremainedclosed.She
stoodquietly,staringdownatthisbeautifulmalespecimen,tryingnottothinktoohardabouthow
amazingitwastotouchhim,tofeelthestrengthofhimonsuchapersonallevel.

Tobestreachtherestofhisback,shetentativelystraddledhishipsandloweredherselftositonhis

butt.Histight,perfectbutt.

Forgettryingtokeepthisclinical.Shewasonlyhuman.

Sheranherhandsoverhisskinalongthewaistbandofhisshorts,fromhissidestohisspine.She

feastedhereyesontheridgesofmusclethatdisappearedbeneaththegarment,imaginingwhathe
mustlooklikeoutofit.Diggingherfingersintothoseridges,sheelicitedalowgroanfromhim.The
soundwaserotic,ormaybehermindwasjustinthewrongplace.

“Pressureokay?”sheaskedinahalfwhisper.

“Morethan.”

Shecouldn’thelpbutwonderwhatitwouldbeliketomakelovetothisman.Whatwoulditbelike

totouchhimwherevershewanted,tohavehimtouchher?Tohavehimwanther?

Herbreathhitched,snappinghertoattention.Shesincerelyhopedhehadn’theardthat.

Shesuckedinoxygenuntilherlungswerefull,andletitoutslowly,quietly.

“Tellmeaboutthefire,”shesaidsoftly.

Justlikethat,hetensed.Shecouldseeandfeelthechangeeventhoughhewasfacedown.She

figuredshe’djustscrewedupagoodhalfhourofwork.Butsherefusedtotakebackthequestion.
“Dare?”

Ittookaneternityforhimtosayanything.“Notgoingthere.”

“Why?”

Okay,notthebrightestquestion,butthat’swhatpoppedout.Anythingtogethimtosaymore.She

hatedthishelplessfeeling,herinabilitytodohimanygood.

Herolledtohissideandstartedtogetup,sendinghertothefloor.“It’stimeformetogo.”

“Derek,wait.I’msorry.”Sheputherhandonhisshoulder.“Nomorequestions.Justletmefinish

yourmassage.I’llseeifIcanundothedamageIjustcaused.”

Hestudiedherunhappily.

“Orareyouafraidyou’llendupadmittinghowgooditfeels?”Thecornersofherlipsbetrayeda

halfsmile.

Herchallengehadthedesiredeffect.Afterhenarrowedhiseyes,helaydownonhisstomachagain.

“How’boutthoseAstros?”

Derekgavewhatcouldalmostbeconsideredachuckle.“Smartgirl.”

“That’sthenicestthingyou’vesaidtomesinceI’vebeenhere.”Shetriedtomakehertonelight.

“Sowhat’supwithGus?What’shisstory?”

“He’smydad’sbrother.HeandanotherguyopenedTheShellShackfifteenyearsago.”

“Whathappenedtotheotherguy?”

“HefollowedawomantotheWestCoast.Handedhishalfover.”

“Andnowthewholething’syours.”

Shewenttoworkonhisupperarms,notallowingherselftoconsiderhowhardtheywere,how

sculpted.

“God,thatfeelsgood.”

Shesmiledtoherselfinvictory.Itwasallshecoulddonottosayshe’dtoldhimso.

Afterseveralminutesofsilence,Dereksaid,“WhenIcamehere,IagreedtohelpGus.”

“Helphim?”

“Hehadtoclosethebardownwhenhemovedintoassistedliving.Itwaskillinghimtowatchitsit

thereandrot.”

“Soyouagreedtoreopenit.”

“Ishouldn’thave.It’llbeworseforGuswhenIrunitintothedamnground.”

Shestoppedmassaging.“You’renotgoingtorunitintotheground.”

Derekrolledoverandsatup.Hereachedforhisshirtandputitbackon.Sheactuallysawhim

shutterhisexpression.“Ineedtogethome,letyousleep.”

Itwasafterthreeandshecouldn’tholdbackayawnasshestood.“Youneedtogetsomesleep,now

thatyourmusclesareuntied.”

Hestoodupinturnandnodded.“Ioweyouone,Mace.”

“MaybeI’llholdyoutothat.”

Asshesawhimout,shedidherbesttofightofftheimagesofthewayshecouldmakeituptoher.

Whatalousyfriendshewasifshecouldn’tkeephermindoffherownpointlessdesireslongenough
tojustbethereforhim.She’dhavetodoalotbetteratkeepingherthoughtsundercontrolthanshe’d
donetonight.

CHAPTERFIVE

ACEYWASINSERIOUSNEED

ofanap,andthatwassayingsomethingforagirlwhodidn’t

takenaps,notevenwhenshewasababy,ifhermother ’stalesofwoeweretrue.

Barhoursweregoingtobeanadjustment.Normallyshewasinbedbytenandgotupwiththe

birds.Today,she’dstupidlystillgottenupwiththebirds,eventhoughshe’dsleptforonlyafewbrief
hours.AddtotheequationtherestlessR-rateddreamsfeaturingDerek,andshefeltasifshecould
sleepforaweekstraight.

Shehadtwohoursbeforework,sohereshewas,standinginfrontofthemirroronthebackofher

bedroomdoor,tryingtogetupthenervetowalkouttotheapartmentcomplex’spoolinhernew
swimsuit.Itwasasteal—$15.99atoneofthestoresscreamingouttotouristswithfive-dollarT-shirts
advertisedinthewindows.

Shedidn’tnormallydobikinis.Infact,she’dstartedwithone-piecesuitsinthestore,butavery

persuasive,good-lookingmaleemployeehadactedasifshewasabouttocommitamajorsin.He’d
steeredhertothetwo-pieces.Abrightorange-and-yellowsuitwithgoldmetallicdesignsonithad
caughthereye,andsinceitwasfivebuckscheaperthantheone-piecesuits,she’dsomehowbeen
suckeredin.

Andnowhereshestood.Unusedtohavingsomuchskinshowing.Thesalesguyhadsaiditwasa

modestsuit,buthewasn’ttheonewhohadtowearit.

Shakingherhead,shetiedhernewbeachtowelaroundherwaistandwenttothedoor.Onherway

out,shepickedupacanofpop,hernewnovelandabottleofSPF50sunscreen.Redwasn’therbest
color.

Thesecondshesteppedoutside,sheknew.Thetwomendrippingtestosteroneinthedeependofthe

poolwerethefirefightersshe’dbeenhopingtomeet.Turnedouttheproperty-managementwoman
hadunderstatedthesituation.Theseguysweren’t“hunky.”Thatwaslikesayingtoday’s102°
temperaturewas“warmish.”

Therewereahandfulofotherpeopleenjoyingthepoolanddeck,butit’dbeimpossibletomissthe

twofiremenevenifthere’dbeenahugecrowd.Bothhadclassicall-Americangoodlooks—they
couldalmostbebrotherswiththeirshortdarkhair,suntannedfacesandlegionsofmuscles—andthat
wasjustwhatshecoulddiscernabovethewater ’ssurface.Vibrantenergyseemedtosurroundthem.

Maceyhadtowillherselftoturnherattentionaway.Shescoutedthedeckforanavailablelounge

chair,spottingonetotheleft,atthefarendofthepool.Asshewalkedtowardit,shecouldfeeltheir
eyesonher.Sheremindedherselftheguyatthestorehadswornthebikinilooked“delicious”onher
andthatshewastiredofbeingtheplaingirl,butshetingledwithself-consciousness.

Keepinghereyesforward,whichtooksomeeffort,shesatsidewaysontheloungerandunloaded

herthings,stalling,tryingtosummonhercourage.Approachingguyslikethemwasn’therusualMO

butit’dbeworthittoknowsomeoneinthelocalfiredepartment.Suchahardship,shethoughtto
herself,andstifledagrin.

Bythetimeshestood,theirattentionwaselsewhereandthey’dmovedtotheshallowend,which

gaveMaceytheopportunitytoinconspicuouslysitonthenearsideofthepoolanddangleherfeetin
thewater.

Suddenlytheguyswerebothspeedingtowardherendinwhatappearedtobeanall-outfreestyle

race.Theytouchedthewall,oneoneachsideofher.

“Iwon,”theoneonherrightsaidashesurfacednoisily.

“Abouttime.Iwasstartingtofeelsorryforyou.”Themanonherleftliftedhimselfeffortlesslyout

ofthepoolandsatacoupleoffeetawayfromMacey.“Hello.”

“Hi,”shesaid,decidinghewasthetypewholikelygotanygirlhewanted.Besidestheextremeself-

confidencethatspilledoverintocockiness,andthealreadynotedbiceps,hehadstartlinglyblueeyes
andasmilefullofconfidence-inspiringcharm.

“Hedidn’tbeatmebymorethananinch,didhe?”heasked.

“Evan,letherbe.I’msureshehasbetterthingstodothanmassageyourbruisedelephant-sizeego.”

Theguyonherrightremainedinthewater.Hishairwasafewshadesdarker,almostblack,andhe
haddreamychocolateeyesandasquarechin.Hismannerwasplentytingedwithtestosterone,butshe
determinedinstantlythathewasmorelaid-backthanhisfriend.

“EvanDrake,”theonesittingnexttohersaid,holdingoutawethand.“That’sClayMarlow.You

mustbethenewneighbor.”

Sheshookhishand.“I’mMacey.Whichapartmentisyours?”

“Oppositeendofthesecondfloorfromyou.”

“How’dyouknowwhichone’smine?”

“Hehasabuilt-insingle-womanradar,”Claysaid.“You’llhavetoforgivehimforbeingso

obvious.”

“Ijustpayattention,”Evansaid.Thesmilehegaveherwasopenlyflirtatiousbutitdidn’thavethe

desiredeffectonMacey.Hertype,ifshehadone,leanedtowardmoredown-to-earth.His
forwardnessscaredheroff.Sheassumed,whetherrightlyorwrongly,hewasonlyinterestedinone
thing,andthatwasn’tMacey’ssceneatall.

“Areyounewtotheisland?”Evanasked.

“Justvisiting,actually.Forafewweeks.Whataboutyoutwo?”

“Permanentresidents.”

“Beachbums?”sheasked,smiling,knowingfullwelltheyweren’t.

“Weworkforthefiredepartment.”

Justtheopeningshewaslookingfor.

“AgoodfriendofminewasafirefighterinDallas.Nowherunsabarhere.”

“Dallas,huh?Cool.Doeshewanttogetbackintoit?”

“Maybesomeday.He’sprettybusyrightnow.Isthestationnearby?”She’dheardsirensacoupleof

timesduringthenight,buthadn’tbeenabletotellwherethey’doriginated.

Evannodded.“Onthebeachabouthalfamilesouth.”Hepointedinthatdirection.“Welikethis

placebecauseit’scloseandcheap.”

“Andfurnished,too,”Maceysaid.“Plustheminusculeviewoftheocean.”

“Ourviewisthepool,whichseemstosuithispurposes,”Claysaid,gesturingtowardEvan.

“Youmakeitsoundlikekeepingtrackofthelocalfemalesisasin,”Evancomplained.

“Morelikeanart,inyourcase.”

“Justapastime.”

“Everyoneneedsahobby,”Maceysaid,surprisedtofindshewasenjoyingherselfwiththesetwo.

“What’syours?”Evanasked,andshefoundherselfmomentarilystumped.

“Goodquestion.Ineedtofindone.I’vebeeninThailandfortwoyearsanddidn’thavethe

opportunityforhobbies.”

“Thailand?”Evanasked.

Maceynodded.“PeaceCorps.”

“Whoa.Neverwould’veguessed,”hesaid.Maceytriednottotakethecommentpersonally.She

couldn’thelpit,though.Shelookedplainandboringandnotatalllikethetypewhowouldtakeoff
onanadventureontheothersideoftheworld.

“Whatareyoudoingonsuchalongvacation?”Clayaskedashetreadedwaterseveralfeetinfront

ofherandEvan.

“RecuperatingfromthePeaceCorpsandstartinganonprofitorganization.”

“Isthatall?”Evanaskedwithasexygrinthatwouldwinoverninetypercentofthefemale

populationinananosecond.

Maceyrealizedsuddenlythatshehadnoideahowlongshe’dbeentalking.Shehoppedupand

walkedovertoherbelongingsandcheckedthetime.“Actually,no.I’malsohelpingmyfriendoutat
hisbar.TheShellShack.IneedtogoshowerifI’mgoingtobeontime.”

“Pleasuretomeetyou,Macey,”Evansaid,standing.

Claynoddedpolitely,andshewavedasshehurriedfromthepooldecktoherapartment.Partoneof

hermissionaccomplished:shehadsomefriendsinthelocalfiredepartment.That,undoubtedly,was
theeasypart.

EREKDIDADOUBLETAKE

whenMaceysteppedbehindthecounterattwominutestillnoon.Shewas

dressedunlikehe’deverseenherbefore,wearingshortwhiteshortsandabody-huggingbluetee.
Shehadcurveshe’dnevernoticed,likelybecauseshe’dnevershownthemoff.Surelyhe’dnotice
that,wouldn’the?

Jeez,agoodnight’ssleepmustbemessingwithhismind.ThiswasMacey.Thatshewassolely

responsibleforthebestsixhoursofsleephe’dhadinmonthsdidn’tescapehim.Hell,maybehe
shouldhirehertorubhisachingmuscleseverynightandtuckhimininsteadofpouringdrinksand
wipingdowncountersallday.

“SorryI’mlate,”shesaid,barelylookingathimasshegrabbedacupandfilleditwithorange

soda.

“You’retwominutesearly.”

“That’slate.”

Derekshookhisheadandproceededtotakeanorderfromthecouplewho’djustcomein.

Thenexthourandahalfspedby.Thethreeofthem—Macey,heandAndie,inback—were

developingagoodrhythm,althoughMaceystillhadtoaskwhatwentintoadrinkeveryfewminutes.
Heknewshe’dlearn.Maceywassmartandcaughtonfast.Hishesitationinhiringherhadnothingto
dowithhercompetence.Whenthey’dbeeninhighschoolwaitingtablesatGrace’s,he’dalways
lookedforwardtosharingshiftswithherbecauseshepulledherweightwithoutfail.

Thelunchrusheventuallydieddowntoasteadyflow.Maceyjoinedhimatthebackworkareaashe

mixedavodkasour.

“There’saguyIwanttointerviewforapositionwaitingformeoutside.I’mgoingtoseehowfarI

cangetbeforeyou’reburiedagain.”

“Someonetohire?”heasked,lookingbeyondher,tryingtospottheindividual.

“Hopefully.Thepasthour ’sbeeninsane.”

Insane,possibly.Awaytopassthetimewithoutachancetothinkaboutthingsyoudidn’twantto

thinkabout,definitely.

“Macey’sbeenheretwodaysandalreadydoingwhatyoucouldn’tmanageintwomonths.”

Derekdidn’tflinchatthegravellyvoice.Hegrabbedacupandpouredwhiskey,thenserveditto

Gus.

“Thisstraight?”theoldmanasked.

“Youknowitis.Itriedtodiluteitonce,”hesaidtoMacey.Shesmiledassheheadedouttodothe

interview.

“Youlearnedyourlesson,didn’tyou?”Gussaidsmugly.

“Isn’tthereanursesomewherewhowantstocoddleandnurtureyourobstinateass?”

“Theyalldo.Ineededabreak.”

Derekcrackedasmile.“Wantanythingtoeat?”

“Somechipsisall.Hadasteakforlunch.”

“RemindmetomoveinwithyouwhenIgetachance.”

Hegrabbedabagofsalt-and-vinegarchips—Gus’sfavorite—andtosseditonthecounterinfront

ofhim.

“Theywouldn’ttakeyouevenifitwasn’tjustforoldfarts.”

“They’dseeIhavethesamelastnameasyouandlockthedoors,Ireckon.”

“SotheamazingMaceyisgoingtosaveyourbutt,itappears.”Gustookagood-sizeswig.

“Itappears.”Derekkepthistonebored,unwillingtoshowhisrelief.

He’dneverhadaheadforbusiness.Neverneededto.Inschool,he’dstudiedexercisescienceand

avoidedanythingbusinessrelated.Thethoughtofbudgetsandsuitsandtieshadalwaysmadehis
eyesglazeover,andwhenhe’dagreedtotakethebarfromGus,hehadn’tbeeninhisrightmind.
Hadn’tthoughtaboutmuchbeyondpouringadrinkhereandthere.

Andiecameoutofthebackroom,crunchingonatortillachip.

“Youwanttogohomeforacouplehours?”Derekasked.

“Doesn’tmattertome.Ifyoucanpaymeforworkingstraightthrough,I’mgame.”

“Icanpayyou.Doyoudoanythingbesidesworkandsleep?”

“Youshouldtalk.”

“Doyou?”

“SincewhenareyouconcernedaboutwhatIdowhenIleavehere?”Hertonewaslight,buthe

sensedshewasn’tgoingtoanswerhisquestionstraight.Andiehadbeentight-lippedwhenhe’dhired
her,explainingonlythatshedidn’tstayanywhereforlong,butthatshe’dbeareliableemployee
whileshewashere.Maybenothisfirstchoiceinpeopletohire,butbackinApril,therehadn’tbeen
anyoneelsefallingintohislap,sotospeak,andhehadn’tbeenabletofacehuntingforemployees,
regardlessofGus’snagging.

“Justtryingtobefriendly,”Dereksaid.

“Ididn’trecognizeit.Yousnarlsomuchbetter.”

Guscackledfromhischair,remindingDerekhewasthereandhadprettygoodhearingforanold

dude.

“Icouldfireyou,youknow,”DerektoldAndie.“Ihaveanotheremployeenow.Maybeeventwoif

Maceyworkshermagic.”

Andiegrinned.“Fireaway,baby.”

“Nah.Nooneflipsburgersquitelikeyoudo.”

“Keepingthisoneinlinewilltakebothyougirls,”Gusinterjected.

AndieacknowledgedGus’scommentwithanodandreturnedtothebackroomjustasanother

groupofpeoplesteppeduptothecounter.Shepreferredtoworkbehindthesceneswheneverthere
wasachoice,thoughshecouldservedrinksjustfine.

DerekwasstilltakingordersandmakingdrinkswhenMaceyreturnedafewminuteslater.Sheset

somepapersinthekitchen,underherpurse.Derekwatchedtheguyshe’dbeentalkingtowalkoff,
andwonderedifhewasoldenoughtoworkinabar.

“Well?”Dereksaid,deliveringthelastofanorderasshecamebackintothebararea.

“Donedeal.Startstomorrow.”

“Hashehitpubertyyet?”

“He’stwenty-three.Needsmoney.”

“Shouldn’tIhavemethimbeforeyouhiredhim?”

Maceysetherdrinkunderthecounter.“Derek.YoutoldmeIcouldhirepeople.Ijusthiredone.”

Hestaredatthebackofherheadasshegreetedaguyatthecounterandtookhisorder.

Gustippedhishead,drawingDerekover.“Ithoughtyoutrustedher.”

“Ido.”Nohesitationonthat.

“Thengetoverit.Gomakeadrink.”

“I’moverit.”

“I’dtakearefill.”GuspushedhisemptycuptowardDerek.

“Inyourdreams.”Derektossedthecupinthetrash.

“How’boutsomenachos?”

“Ifthisplacedoesn’tmakeaprofit,you’reentirelytoblame.”

“Icanlivewiththat,”Gussaid.“LongasIgetmynachos.”

Andiewasstandinginthedoorwaytothebackroom.“Gotchacovered.”

Derekshookhisheadatheruncharacteristicwillingnesstoplease,thenturnedbacktoGus.“What

isitwithyouandwomen?Theyactlikeyourgroupies.”

“I’mhandsome,”Gussaid.

Derekchokedashetookadrink.

“Ismileat’em.Youshouldsmilemore.Thenthey’llpayattentiontoyou.”

“YouassumeIwanttheirattention.Thingsaremucheasierwithoutit.”

“Maybe.Butnotnearlyasfun,”Gussaid.

DamngoodthingDerekwasn’tlookingforfun.

CHAPTERSIX

ATERTHATNIGHT

Derekwasremindedthatwhilehewasn’tlookingforfun,Maceymightbe.

Andthatshewasperfectlycapableofattractingmaleattention,especiallywiththatsexylittleteeand
thoseshortsthatshowedoffherlegs.Theyweren’tsupermodelmile-longoranything—shewas
almostafootshorterthanhim—buttheywerenicelegsnonetheless.Withjusttherightamountof
curvesandmusclesandsoftness.Notthathewasinterestedforhimself.Buthehadnotroubleseeing
whyotherguysmightbe.

He’dnothadtoworryaboutanyonebuthimselfforthepastfewmonths,butdammit,nowthatshe

washerehecouldn’thelpworryingabouther.Orrather,themenwhopursuedher.

Derekhadwitnessedmorethanahandfulofguysflirtingwithherasshetooktheirorders,

deliveredtheircheesefries,grabbedtheirbottlesofbeer.Forthemostpart,shewasgoodatbeing
friendlybutnoncommittal.Shehadaswaytoherhips,though,thathewassureshewasn’tawareof.
Hewishedhecouldsaythesameforallthemenintheplace.

Thesetwoguysnow,forexample.Dereksawthemcomein,watchedthemwhentheyspottedMacey

andcouldtelltheywereinterestedinherastheytookthelasttwoavailableseatsatthebar.

“Macey,what’sup?”oneofthemsaid.

Howthehelldidtheyknowher?

Shewalkedovertothemwithabigsmile,andDerekmovedcloser.

“Whatareyouguysdoinghere?”Maceyaskedthem.

“Lookingforyou,”thesecondonesaid.

“Thoughtwe’dchecktheplaceout.Haven’tbeenheresinceitreopened,”thefirstguysaid.

DereksteppednexttoMacey.“Needanything?”heaskedher.

“Derek,thisisEvanDrakeandClayMarlow.Theyliveinthesamebuildingasme.”

Henoddedatthem.

“They’relocalfirefighters,”sheadded,andhecouldtellbyhertoneshewasanxioustogaugehis

reactiontothatannouncement.

Derektookhistimeinacknowledgingherstatement.HestraightenedandhappenedtospotAndie

peekingaroundthedoorwayofthekitchenatthatmoment.SheappearedtobesizingupMacey’s
firefighters.Scratchthat…theyweren’tMacey’sanything.

“Who’sthebrunette?”theguyMaceyhadintroducedasClayasked,noddingtowardAndie.

“Residentrebelwithoutacause,”Dereksaid.“Andie’sourHarley-ridingcook-bartender.”

“Oneofthose,huh?Soundsliketrouble.”Claynoddedanddidhisbesttoactindifferent,butDerek

sawhimglanceonemoretimeather.“YoutheoneMaceymentionedwaswiththeDallasFire
Department?”

Hedidn’tlikeMaceytellingpeoplehisbusiness—especiallythatbusiness—topeoplehedidn’t

know.Buttherewasn’tmuchhecouldsaytohernowwithoutdrawingundueattentiontoit.“Sure
am,”heconfirmed.

“Youquit?”Evanasked.Therewasinterestandcuriosityinhistone,nocensure.

“Camedownheretorunthisplaceformyretireduncle,”Dereksaid.

“Wecoulduseyouatthestation,”Claysuggested.“Seemslikewe’vealwaysgotaspotopen.”

Maceywaswatchinghimtooclosely.

“I’mworkingthisplacesevendaysaweek,”hesaid,feigningregret.“There’snowayIcoulddo

it.”

“Maybewhenwehireafewmorepeople,”Maceysaid.

Derekwasgladashelltoseetwowomenstepuptothebar.WithoutacknowledgingMacey’sgrand

idea,hemovedtowardthem,forcedasmileandtooktheirorder.

TWASAFTERMIDNIGHT

andAndiehadleftforthenight.Derekwasinbackservingupsomeseviche

whenMaceystuckherheadintheroom.“Couldyougetmetwomoreofthose?”sheasked,
motioningtowardthepapertrayinhishand.

“Macey,”hesaidbeforeshecouldreturntothefront.“Watchyourselfwiththosetwo.”

Shepaused.“EvanandClay?They’reharmless,Dare.”

“Theoneontheleftwantsyou.”

“They’remyneighbors.That’sall.”

“Don’tbenaive.”

Sheshookherheadasifhewasoutofhismind,andhurriedtothecashregister.Maybehewasout

ofhismind.Thattheywerefirefighterswasabouttheonlythingkeepinghimfromaskingthemto
leave.Mostfirefighterswerehonorableguys,butstill,heknewplentywhoenjoyedreapingthe
benefitsofthefirefighterimage.Theywentthroughwomenfasterthanmostpeoplewentthrough
potatochips.Maceywasn’tlikethat,hadneverbeenthetypetodatecasually.Cometothinkofit,he
hadn’teverbeenawareofherdatingatall.Shehadn’thadanylong-termrelationshipsthathe
remembered.Allthemorereasontheguyatthebarneededtoleaveheralone,honorableornot.

Thetwostayeduntilclosing.WhenDerekandMaceywalkedoutandhelockedup,theyweresitting

atoneoftheoutdoortables.

“Aren’tyouguysoutpastyourbedtime?”sheasked,smiling.

“We’rewaitingforyou,”Evansaid.“Thoughtwe’dwalkyouhome.Keepyousafe.”

Derekdidn’tneedtolookathim—hecouldheartheguy’sgrin.

“I’llwalkyouhome,”hetoldMacey.

“I’llbefine,”shereplied.“Youlivetheotherway.”

“Iwantto.Ioweyoufromtheothernight.”

“Youdon’towemeanything…butsuityourself.”

Damnstraighthewould.

Hedouble-checkedalltheshuttersandshovedthekeysintothedeeppocketofhiscargoshorts.He

andMaceyjoinedtheothertwo.Shestartedtowardthesand.

“Wecouldtakethestreet,youknow,”Dereksaid.“It’sashorterroute.”

“Butithasnoview.”Maceysoundedenergetic,asifshehadn’tbeenworkingforthepastfourteen

hours.“Howcanyouliveonanislandandnotwanttotakeinthebeacheverychanceyouhave?”

Heknewhisanswer—thathebarelynoticedthebeach—wasn’twhatshewantedtohear,sohejust

followedherandtheothersdownthestairs.

EREKWASACTINGSO

strangelytonight.Maceyknewhewasconcernedthatsheshouldn’ttrustEvan

andClay,butshewasagoodjudgeofcharacter.Theywerereliable.Safe.Theywouldn’thurther.
Evanwasaflirt,yes,butthat’sjusthowhewas.Claywasmorestraightforward.Bothwerefriendly,
andshelikedlisteningtotheirbanter.

ShesupposedsheshouldbegladDerektooknoticeofanything,evenifhisopinionofher

neighborswasoffbase.Hisinteresttonightwasmuchbetterthanhisongoingapathyandweariness.
Shealsocouldn’tdenythethrillshestillgotfromhisprotectiveness,eventhoughitwasonlymeant
infriendship.

“Sohowlongyougoingtodothebarthing?”EvanaskedDerekastheywalkedalongthesandina

widespreadrow.

“AslongasIneedto,”hesaid.“Myunclesigneditovertome,buthe’sthereeverydaycheckingup

onthings.”

“Areyoudonewithfirefightingforgood?”Clayasked.

Derekdidn’tanswerrightaway.“Donewithitfornow.Ineededthebreak.”

BothClayandEvannoddedasiftheyunderstood,andMaceywonderedifthey’deversuffereda

tragedyanythinglikeDerekhad.Whatwerethechancesoftryingtofightthefirethatkilledyour
girlfriend?Sheknewfirefighterssawtoomuchloss,morecatastrophesthananypersonshouldhave
towitness,andshecouldn’timaginewhatittooktohandlethat.Shecertainlydidn’thaveitinher.
Theirjobmadelivinginanunderdevelopedcountryseemlikechild’splay.

“Well,ifyoueverchangeyourmind,giveusacall,man,”Evansaid.

“I’llkeepthatinmind.I’vegotmyhandsfulltryingtokeepGushappyfornow.”

“Iknowalittlebitabouttryingtokeepthefamilyhappy.Theycanbepains.”Evan’saffectionfor

hisfamilycamethroughdespitethecomplaint,though.

“Familiesarerightuptherealongsidewomenforbeingpains,”Claysaid.“Nooffense,Macey.”

“Whatdoyouknowaboutwomen?”Evanasked.“Youhaven’tbeenonadateinages.”

“Igrewupwithahousefulofsisters.”

“YoushouldasktheHarleygirlout,”Evansaid.

“Notinterested.IneedaHarleygirllikeIneedanothersister.”

“Yousurecheckedheroutalotfornotbeinginterested.”

“Hereweare.”Maceybrokeinastheycrossedthestreettotheirbuilding.“Homesweethome…

awayfromhome.AnyoneneedadrinkoraDingDong?”

“DingDongs?That’smycuetocallitanight,”Claysaid.“Nicetomeetyou,Derek.”

“InevermixbeerandDingDongsmyself,”Evanadded.

Maceylaughedandwavedastheyheadedtotheirapartment.“So?”sheaskedDerek,tryinghardnot

tocareifhesaidno.

“I’lltakeyouuponthedrink.Youcankeepthejunkfood.”

“Likeyourmealsatthebararesomuchhealthier.When’sthelasttimeyouhadahome-cooked

meal?”

“Couldn’teventellyou,”hesaidinadisinterestedtone.

“I’mnogourmet,butmaybeonenightI’llcookandforceitdownyourthroat.”

“Promises,promises.”

“Thechallengewouldbepryingyoufromyourhidey-holeatthebar.”

“It’snotmyhidey-hole.It’smyjob.”

Restrainingherselffromarguing,sheunlockedthedoorandhefollowedherinside.

“Youreallydidn’thavetodothemanlymanthing,walkingmehome.”

“Wantedto.”

“Whydidn’tyoutellthemwhyyou’retakingabreak?”sheaskedasshewenttothekitchenandgot

himaglassoficewater,sinceshestilldidn’thaveanythingelse.Shehelpedherselftoherchocolate
fixandcarriedtheglasstothelivingroom.

“WhywouldI?”

SherippedtheplasticofftheDingDongandshrugged.“Becausetheycanrelate?Becausethey

wouldunderstand?”

Hesettheglassaside,untouched,andpacedawayfromher.Ontheothersideofthesmallroom,he

facedthewall,rubbedhistemples.“It’shardashelltoadmitoutloudthatI’mnotuptothetaskof
savingpeople,Mace.ButI’mnot.Sodamn…not.”

Maceyhadtofighttheurgetogotohim,totouchhim.Hisposturetoldhertostayaway,andshe

knewhimwellenoughtorecognizehowhardithadbeenforhimtosaythat.

“Haveyoueverthoughtthatmaybeitwouldbegoodtoforceyourselftogobacktoit?Maybethe

extremefocusfirefightingdemandswouldhelpyou.”

“Idon’thaveitinmetofocusonanythingotherthanadrinkhereandahamburgerthere.That’dbe

acatastrophewaitingtohappen.”

Shesetherchocolatecakedownontheendtable,unabletostayawayfromhimanylonger.When

sheputherhandsonhisshoulders,though,heflinched.

“Don’t.”

Maceyjumpedback,startledbyhisharshtone,eventhoughshe’dknownfullwellhewouldn’twant

hertotrytocomforthiminanyway.

“Please.”Heturned,butstilldidn’tlookather.“Ihavetogo.”

Sheclosedhereyesandlethimwalkoutofherapartment.

Nomatterhowhardshetried,shecouldn’tpushthestingofhisrejectionaway.Whatwasshedoing

here?Whywasshefightingthisbattlewhenhedidn’twantherhelp,didn’twantheraround?

Maybethey’dbothbebetteroffifshejustwentbacktoDallasandgotonwithherlife.Thismission

ofhersseemedmoreill-advisedandhopelesseveryday.

CHAPTERSEVEN

ACEY’SPITYPARTY

wasoverbythetimeshepoppedoutofbedatseventhenextmorning.

Shehadtoomuchtodotofeelsorryforherselfforlong.Andwhenshesteppedbackfromher
conversationwithDerekthenightbefore,sheknewhehadn’tintendedtohurther.Itwasnothing
personal.Itwasallabouthimandthegriefandsadnessthatwereburyinghim.

Shethrewonsomecaprisweatsandacomfyoldteeanddrovetothecoffeeshopshe’dspotted

severalblocksaway.Normallyshe’dwalk,justtoenjoytheday,butshewantedtogetstartedonwork
forhernonprofitthismorning.ShewasalsotossingaroundideasforabusinessplanforTheShell
Shack,eventhoughDerekhadn’taskedherto.Sheknewhisresponsetosomethingsoformalwould
beaneyerolloraheadshake.ButitwasthewayMaceyworkedbest.Everythingaccountedfor,noted
onpaper.Thatwasthewaytosucceed,andthoughDerekdidn’tcurrentlycareaboutmuch,sheknew
hewantedthebartodowellforhisuncle’ssake.

Thecoffeeshopwasjumping.Sheorderedalargemochawithextrachocolatesyrup,andcouldn’t

passupasliceofcinnamoncoffeecake,aswell.Shetookthemtogoandhurriedbacktoher
apartment.Whenshepulledintotheparkinglot,shespottedClaysquattingnexttoadarkblue
oversizetruck,shiningthewheelrims.Ahosestretchedfrombehindtheeight-plextheylivedin,and
asponge,abucketandacoupleofclothswerescatterednearhim.

“Morning,”Maceysaidasshewalkedpast.

“You’reupearly.Ithoughtbartendersslepthalfthedayaway.”

“GuessI’manovice.You’reoffagaintoday?Don’ttheyevermakeyouwork?”

“Gotatwenty-fourtomorrowmorning.Weworkeverythirdday.”

“Ah,theluxury,”Maceyjoked,fullyawareofhowtaxingashiftcouldbeforthem.Shehadrun

intoDerekpost-shiftafewtimeswhenshe’dbeenhomefromschool.Thedangerheandhisfellow
firefighterswillinglyputthemselvesinonadailybasisneverfailedtoaweher.ThatwasDerek—
concernedaboutothers,protectivetoafault,willingtodowhateverittooktogetthejobdone.All
reasonsshecaredsomuchabouthimandalwayswould.Eventhoughhewasalmostunrecognizable
rightnow.

EREKWASINTHESPARE

bedroomthatservedashishomegym,bench-pressingweights,whenhiscell

phonerangintheotherroom.Therewasnoonehewantedtotalkto—infact,hewassurprisedto
hearthesoundatall,it’dbeensolongsincehe’dactuallyleftthephoneon.Heletitring.

Loweringtheweight,hesworeastheringingcontinued.Itfinallyquietedandhegrabbedhistowel

fromthefloorandranitoverhisface.Hisbodyscreamedathim,whichwastheresulthewasafter,
thereasonhepushedhimselfsohardeveryworkout.Pain.Hecravedthepainbecauseitcouldpull
himoutofhissorry-assmentalstateforagoodhour,makehimforgeteverythingelse.He’drunan
extramilethismorningandaddedweighttoallhisrotationsonthemachine,andhewasfeelingit

now.Theburnineverypartofhim,everycell.Bringiton.

Theblastedphonestartedupagainandhewhippedthetoweltothefloor.That’dteachhimtoleave

thedamnthingon.

Hewenttothebedroomandpickeditup.Thenumberonthedisplaywasn’tfamiliar.Relievedit

wasn’thisfamily,hepushedthetalkbutton.Ifhe’drememberedthedate,heneverwould’ve
answered.

“Derek?ThisisJames.Julie’sbrother.”

Derekbracedhimselfagainsttheshakinessandnauseathatstartedup.He’drecognizedthevoice

immediately.They’dwatchedTheMummytogetheratJulie’sparents’houseonThanksgivinglast
year,justweeksbeforethefire.Hehadn’tspokentoJamessinceherfuneral.

Hedidn’twanttospeaktohimnow.

“Hello?”Jamessaid.

Derekgaveseriousconsiderationtohangingup.

“Derek.Youthere?”

“Yeah.”Derek’svoicesoundedrustyinhisownear.

“What’sup,James?”

ItwasJames’sturntohesitate.“Iwasjustthinkingabouther.Figuredyouprobablywere,too,since

it’sherbirthdayandall.Missingher.Youknow?”

Derek’sthroatcloggedwithemotion.“Yeah.”Damnitall,hehadn’trealizeditwasherbirthday.

June4.

“She’dbetwenty-eighttoday,”Jamescontinued.

“Yeah.”Whatelsecouldhepossiblysay?Thatmaybeifhe’dtriedhardershe’dstillbehereto

celebrate?

“Youdoinganythinginhonorofherbirthday?”

Derekrubbedhisfingersbackandforthoverhiseyes,whereathrobbingpainnowcentered.“Just

working.MaybeI’llhaveashotforher.”Orabottle.

“Iwasthinkingofgoingoutforatriple-dipconefromConeheads.”

Julie’sfavoritedessert.Fromherfavoritehangout,nearherapartmentinDallas.

Rockyroadontop,mintchocolatechipinthemiddle,Heathcrunchonthebottom.

“Youshoulddothat,”hemanagedtosayintothephone.“Hey,James,Ineedtogettowork.”

“Yeah,man,Iknow.JustthoughtI’dsayhi.”

“Later.”

Derekpushedtheendbuttonandleanedhisheadagainstthebedroomwall.He’dwantedpainand

nowhehaditinspades.Rushingoverhimlikesheetsoftorrentialrainthatsoakedhimclearthrough.
Hewasdrowning,fightingforoxygen.Hischestseemedfilledwithaswirlingblacknessandcold,
darkgrief.

BackatChristmastime,he’dtoyedwiththeideaofproposingtoJulie,buthaddecidedherbirthday

wouldbebetter…lessdistracting.Today.Hewould’vebeenengagedtoday.

Theblacknessboiledinsidehim,beggingforrelease.Helurchedaroundandpunchedthebedroom

wallwitheverythinghehadashesworealongstreamofthevilestwordshecouldthinkof.Andthat
didaboutasmuchgoodforhispainasadograisingalegandpissingonafour-alarmfire.

HEMORNINGFLEWBY

.MaceyhadarrangedtomeetRamon,thenewguy,ateleventostarttraining

beforethelunchrush—whichwasamusing,really,sinceshewasstilllearningthejobherself.Atten-
fifteen,shedraggedherselfawayfromaroughdraftofthebusinessplanforTheShellShack.She’d
becomeinstantlyengrossedinthechallengeandwasexcitedaboutthebar ’sprospects.Oncethey
hiredmorepeople,she’dstartimplementinglittlechangeshereandtherethatwouldhelpDerekand
makethebusinessmoreprofitable.Shecouldsetalotinmotionintheweeksshewashere.

Shedriedherhairsomewhatandclippedituponherhead,knowingwiththehumidityit’dstillbe

dampatmidnight.Shequicklypulledonanotherpairofnewshortsshe’dboughtwithhermomwhen
she’dfirstarrivedhomefromAsia.Theystillfeltwaytooshort,buthermomhadinsistedthey
lookedgreatonherandthatshortwasin.Maceyhadn’teverbeenmuchofafashionbug,butafter
beinggonefortwoyearswithlittleconnectiontotherestoftheworld,sheadmittedherwardrobe
hadfallenevenmoreoutofstylethanusual.

Sheeyedthebrightredhaltertophanginginthecloset,butchosetolayeracoupleoftanksinstead.

Thehalterfelttoorevealingwhenevershetriediton,eventhoughsomemightsayitwasmodest.

Stuffinganklesocksandtennisshoesintoabag,sheslippedonsomesandalsandrushedoutthe

door,determinedtowalkandenjoythelate-morningsunonthewaytoherverylongshift.She
couldn’tfigureouthowDerekcouldworkthesehoursdayinanddayout.Herfirstobjectivewasto
hirepeoplehecouldtrustsoshecouldforcehimtotakeadayoffeachweek.

Theskywascloudlessandthesunbeatdownonher.Clustersofpeopledottedthesand—families

withyoungchildren,teengirlsandleather-skinnedelderlycouplesworkingontheirtans.

Maceywatchedforthefirstsightofthestraw-roofedbardownthebeach.Whenshefinallyspotted

it,weirdthingshappenedtoherinsides,allbecausesheknewDerekwasthere.Thistimeitwasn’tjust
anticipationofseeinghim,though.Doubtmadeherdragherfeet.

Hereallydidn’twantherhere.Inessence,he’dsentthatmessagewhenhe’drefusedtoletherstay

withhim.Andlastnighthe’dmadeitclearyetagainthathedidn’twanthertointerfere.Didn’twantto
doanythingtogetoverhisgrief.

Whowasshetotrytobreakthroughthatsteelwallhe’derected?Shewasn’tspecialtohim,

regardlessofherfeelingsforhim,which,sherealized,hadonlydeepenedinthefewdaysshe’dbeen
here.Nevermindherdeterminationtokeepthemincheck,orhiseffortstopushheraway.Ifshe
wasn’tcarefulshe’dmakeafoolofherself,tryingsohardtohelpamanwhodidn’twantanyhelp.

Itwouldn’tbethefirsttimeshe’dmadeafoolofherself,though.Shereallyhadnoalternativebut

tostayandkeeptryingtogetthroughtoDerek.Becauseshecouldn’tstandtoleavewhenhewas,
well,likehewas.Hewouldhurtheralongthewayandshe’djusthavetodealwithit.Shecouldnurse
herwoundslater.

Whenshewalkedintothebarafewminuteslater,though,shewassurprisedtofindonlyAndieand

Ramon,whoreallydidlooklikeaneighteen-year-oldkidinsteadofthetwenty-threeyearshis
applicationsaidhewas.Aboutadozencustomerswerewaitingaroundthebartobeserved.She
jumpedintoactionandtoldRamontoshadowher.

“Whereishe?”sheaskedAndieastheystoodsidebysidemixingdrinks.TodayAndielookedjust

liketheHarleygirlshewas,sportingabandannatokeepherlonghairback,andateewithafreaky
skulldesignonit.

“Ifiguredyou’dknow.Ihaven’tseenhim.”

“Hasheeverbeenlatebefore?”

“Whatdoyouthink?”

“He’sneverlate,”Maceysaid.ShetoldRamonwhattoringup,andhandedhimthetwofuzzy

navels.“Haveyoutriedtocallhim?”

“Hisphone’snoton,”Andiesaid.

“Fabulous.”Buthersarcasmwasoutofpurefrustration.Worryniggledather.

Herstomachwaschurningalmosttwohourslaterwhentheflowofcustomersfinallysloweddown

andDerekstillhadn’tappeared.

“Ihavetogofindhim,”shetoldAndie,who’djustreturnedfromwipingthetablesclean.“Canyou

twocoverme?”

AndiefrownedatRamon.

“We’llbefine,”hesaid,sendingAndieagoofygrin.“Icandrawameanbeer.”

Maceystifledalaugh.Ramonhadacrushontheresidentbadgirl.Andiedidn’tevenhintatasmile,

whichwashowshewas,Maceyhadlearned.SunshinyandAndieweren’twordsusedinthesame
sentenceunlessyouweretalkingabouttheweather.

“Gonow,”Andiestated.“Thedinnerrushwillkillusifyou’renothere.”

“I’llbebackbeforethat,”Maceysaid,notallowingherselftothinkaboutthepossibilitythatshe

mightnotfindDerekbeforethen.

“Youcantakemycar,”Ramonoffered.

“Iwasgoingtowalk.It’snotfar.”

Hetossedherhiskeys.“It’stheblueLincolnparkedonthestreet.Abigboat.Can’tmissit.”

Maceytookhiskeysand,beforeleaving,grabbedthebookshe’dstowedunderthecounteracouple

ofdaysago.ShehandedittoRamon.“Studyup.”

“TheBartender’sBible.Sweet.Thanks.”

“Areyougoingyetorwhat?”Andieaskedimpatiently.

Maceyhurriedtothestreetandglancedaround.ShespottedtheLincolnwithnotrouble.Itwashard

tomiss,abouttwiceaslongasanyothervehiclearoundandanauseatingpowder-bluewithadentin
theside.Probablyalmostasoldasshewas.

Thedoorwasunlocked—noonewouldtrytostealthisbeast—sosheclimbedinandputthekeysin

theignition.Surprisingly,itstartedrightupandshepulledoutontothestreet.Shehopedshecould
findaregularparkingplaceatDerek’s.Parallelparkingthisthingwouldtakeheraweek.

Thankfully,therewasaspot,and—doublebonus—Derek’sblackpickupwasparkedrightnexttoit.

Maybehe’djustoversleptandherworrywasfornothing.

CHAPTEREIGHT

ACEYWENTTO

Derek’sdoorandknocked,thentriedtheknobwithoutwaiting.Asbefore,it

opened.

“Dare?Areyouhere?”

Sheglancedintohisbedroom,notexpectingtoseehislegsstretchedoutonthefloornearthedoor.

Herheartskippedabeatwhenshedid.“Derek!”

“What?”Histone,impatient,annoyed,startledher.

Sheenteredtheroomandstareddownathiminhisexerciseshortsandtatteredredmuscleshirt,

proppedagainstthewall.Helookedlikehell.Hishairwasdisheveled,andhewasslouchedsomuchit
hadtohurt.Hiseyeswerebloodshot.

“Areyouokay?”Shekneltnexttohimandtouchedhischeek.

Heflinchedawayfromher.“Don’t.”

“What’sgoingon?You’rehourslateforworkandyoulooklikeyou’vebeendrunkforthepast

week.”

“Don’tIwish.”

Hehadyettomakeeyecontact.Macey’sadrenalinewaspumpingandshescootedclosertohim,

untilherkneesranintohisthigh.“Whathappened?”

Thenshespottedwhatheheld.ThephotoofJulie.

“Oh,”shesaidquietly,herheartbreaking.Shelongedtoclimbonhislapandwindherarmsaround

him,totellhimeverythingwasgoingtobeokay,but…

She’dheardalltheusualtritephrasesatageten,whenherfatherhaddied.Theywerejustempty

linespeopletossedoutwhentheydidn’tknowwhatelsetosay.She’dpromisedherselfnevertouse
thoseonanyone.

Shepickeduphislefthandandlightlytracedhisfingers.She’dneverreallynoticedhowbighis

handswerebefore,howstrong.Asshewoveherfingerswithhis,shefeltthecallusesfromyearsof
work,sawthewhitescarsandnoticedseveralrecentscratches.Thensheglancedathisrighthand.
Theknuckleswerescrapedandbloody.Startingtobruise.

“Didyougetinafight?”sheasked.

“Withthewall.Iwon.”

Maceyspottedagapingholeabovethem,acoupleoffeettotheleft.“What’dthewalldotoyou?”

Shelookedagainathisswellingknuckles.“Areyousureyouwon?”

Shemightaswellhavebeentalkingtothewallforalltheresponseshegot.Maybeholenumberone

coulduseafriend.Rollinghereyesatthestupidityofpunchingwalls,shestood.

“Derek.Whatthehelliswrongwithyou?Iknowyou’regrieving,butwhathappenedtoday?”

Hesatthereinsilenceforsolongshewantedtokickareactionoutofhim.

“Today’sherbirthday,”hefinallysaid,hisvoicesoquietandfullofanguishthatMaceybarely

heardhim.“I’dplannedonaskinghertomarryme.”

Maceyhadnowords.Shesatdownheavily,straddlinghislegsjustabovehisknees,givingno

thoughttothecontactnow,toowrappedupintryingtosomehowassuagehispaineventhoughshe
knewshecouldn’t.Shetookbothofhishandsinhersandsqueezedthem.

Derekraisedhischinandstaredattheceiling.Swallowedhard.“SorryIskippedoutonwork.”

“Wedidokay.ButIwasworried.Iwishyou’dtoldmewhatyouwereupagainst.Iwould’ve

understood.”

Hemethergazehead-on.“Iforgotitwasherbirthday,Mace.She’sonlybeengoneforfivemonths

andI’malreadymovingon,actinglikeIdon’tcare.ForgettingthedateIwasgoingtopropose.”

“You’renotactinglikeyoudon’tcare.Icantellyoucare,cantellyou’remourningherinevery

singlethingyoudo.”

“Iforgotherbirthday.”

“Nooffense,butI’veseennoevidenceofyoumovingon,Dare.You’vepracticallystoppedliving.”

Heshookhisheadandlookedaway.

“Youknowsomething?There’snorightwaytogetthroughthis.Whenmydaddied,Ithoughtthere

was.ThoughtIwassupposedtotalkabouthimtopeoplewhopaidrespect,avoidtalkingabouthimto
mymom.Ieventhoughttherewasatimeline.Afteramonth,Ishould’vefeltbetter,right?”

“Youwerejustakid.”

“Oh,sothere’saWhattoDoWhenSomeoneDieshandbookforadultsnow?”Shenarrowedher

eyes,frustratedthatshecouldn’thelp,thathewassohardonhimself.“Youknow,Ican’ttellyouhow
togrieve.ButIcantellyouthatyouneedtoquitbeatingyourselfup.

Quitworryingaboutwhatyoudoordon’tfeel.”

“Bossy.”

“We’veestablishedthat.AndwhileI’matit,onemorething.Quitpunchingwalls,becauseI

seriouslythinkyoulostonthat.Yourhandlooksterrible.”

“It’llbefine.”

Shestood.“Youshouldtaketherestofthedayoff.”

Heranhisbeat-uphandthroughhishairandflinched,whichtoldMaceyhisknuckleshurtworse

thanhewaslettingon.“Ineedtowork.”

“Theworldwon’tstopspinningifyoutakeonenightoff.”

Herosefromthefloorslowly.“Ican’tstandbeinginthisplacefortherestofthenight.I’llcometo

work.”

Thatshecouldunderstand.“Okay.Ifthat’sthecase,getyourbuttintheshower.Yousmelllikea

gym.AndcallGus.He’sworried.”

Hestaredstubbornlyatherandthenliftedthemuscleshirtoverhishead,revealingthatsculpted

chestthathadbeenburnedintohermindsinceshe’dwatchedhimsleeping.BeforeMaceycouldreact,
heloweredhisshorts.

“Goingtostayfortherest?”heasked.

Shecouldn’thelpit;shelookeddown,thinkinghe’dsurelylefthisunderwearon.Butholycripes…

nope.Sheavertedhereyes,notquicklyenough.Hewasstaringather,sawherreaction,whichhadto
bealloverherfacebecauseshe’dneverbeenabletohideathing.Hercheekswarmed.

Derek’slipstwitchedintoahumorlessnearsmile.

“Carefulwhoyoubossaround.”

Heturnedawayandwalkedtothebathroomand,Lordhelpher,shecouldn’tnotcheckouthisbutt.

Justforasecond.Longenoughtoseethatitwasasbeautifulandperfectlytonedastherestofhis
body.Shewhippedhereyesbackupandwantedtosinkthroughthefloorwhensherealizedhe’d
lookedoverhisshoulderandagaincaughtherstaringathim.Shehurriedoutoftheroomtowaitata
saferange.LikemaybeAlaska.

EREKHADN’TEXPECTED

tobeturnedonbyMacey’sreactiontohisnakedness.

Whattheliving,breathinghellwaswrongwithhimthathecouldbearousedbytheinterestinher

eyes…onhisgirlfriend’sbirthday,lessthansixmonthsaftershe’ddied?

Hehatedhimselfatthatinstant,hatedhisweakness,hatedtherealitythatthewomanhe’dlovedhad

diedinsteadofhim.Hewassuchabastard.

Hesteppedintotheshowerbeforethewaterheated,lettingthecoldpounddownonhisachingbody.

Grabbingthebarofsoap,hescrubbedlikethedevil.

“T

HOUGHTYOUWERE

bringingMr.Personablebackwithyou,”AndiesaidwhenMaceywalkedinto

thebar.

“He’sonhisway.He’s…showering.”Shebusiedherselfbypickingupatowelandwipingdownthe

sideofthebarsotheotherwomanwouldn’tnoticeherblush.

WhenAndiejuststaredpointedlyather,shewipedharder.

“MaryAnnokay?”Ramonaskedashecameinfromthebackroom.

Maceystoppedwhatshewasdoing.“MaryAnn?”

“Thecar.OnlywomanI’vegotrightnow.”HecockedasuggestiveeyebrowtowardAndie,who

scowledathim.

“MaryAnn’sfine.Thanksforlettingmeuseit—her.”Maceyattemptedasmile.“Ilikethename.”

“Sogladthecarisokay,”Andiesaiddrily.“What’swithDerek?”

“Justabadday.”Maceydidn’tknowifhe’dtoldAndieanythingaboutJulie,andwasn’tsureitwas

herplacetoshareit.

“You’reactingstrange.Whathappened?”Andiewaswatchinghertoocarefully.

“Justworriedabouthim.”Thatwaspersonalenough.Shewasn’tabouttomentionseeinghimnaked

orherembarrassingreaction.

“Ramon,gowipedowntheoutsidetables,wouldyou?”Oncehe’dgoneoutside,Andieloweredher

voice.“He’slikeapuppydog,followingmearound.I’llneverforgiveyouforhiringhim.”

Maceychuckled.“He’sharmless.”

“Easyforyoutosay.Eagerbeaversarenotmytype.”

“Whatisyourtype?”sheaskedastheypreppedtheplacefortheeveningrush.

“Don’thaveatype.Ilikebeingonmyown,accountabletonoone.Idon’tstayinoneplacefor

long.”

“You’vebeenhereforawhile,haven’tyou?”

“Afewweeks.I’mgettingantsy.”

“DoesDerekknowyoumightupandleaveanytime?”

“Itoldhimthatwhenhehiredme.ButI’lltrytogiveyousomewarningsoyoucanhiresomeone.”

“Addittothelist.Ineedaboutfourmorepeoplealready.I’mnotgettingenoughresponsefromthe

fliersorthesigninthewindow.”

“Therewasaguyinhereearlieraskingaboutajob.HemanagedabarinWisconsin.Downhere

forthesummer,maybemore.”

“Didyougethisname?”

Andieduginthepocketofherjeans,whichfitherlikeasecondskin.Shepulledoutabusinesscard

andhandedittoMacey.“Itoldhimyou’dcalltomorrow.”

“Thanks.Didhesetoffanycreepalarms?”

“No,butthenmycreepalarmsmaynotbeassensitiveasyours.”

Maceytuckedthecardintoherpocketandturnedtohelpthegroupthatweresteppinguptothebar,

justasDerekappeared.Thecustomerswerestudyingoneofthepapermenusfromthestackbythe
register,soshewatchedhimwalkovertotheotherregistertorunthereportandclearoutthedrawer.
Hefinallyglancedherwayandtheireyesmet.Hisjawtightenedandhelookedaway.

Nothingpersonal,sheremindedherself,thoughitwasdifficultnottotakeitthatway.Thewomanin

frontofherstartedtoorder,soMaceyhadtoputDerekoutofhermind.

Itwasn’tuntilmanyhourslaterthatshewasabletothinkabouthimagain.She’dacceptedaride

homefromAndieonhermotorcycle—afirstforMacey—andbarelymanagedtoshedhersweaty
clothesbeforewitheringintobed.Thelongshiftswereexhaustingenough,butthesceneatDerek’s
hadtakenalotoutofher,too.

Hehadn’tspokentoherotherthanwhatwasdemandedbythejob,butthebarhadbeenthebusiest

she’dseenitandthereceiptsforthedayconfirmedthat.Therehadn’tbeenmuchchancetosay
anything,anyway.However,ithadn’tescapedhernoticethathe’dbeensimmeringwithangerthe
entireevening.Hehadnoreasontobemadather,shetoldherselfyetagain.Hewastheonewho’d
strippeddown.

Don’tthinkaboutitanymore.

Asshetriedtogotosleep,shecouldn’tshaketheimageofDerek’snakedbody.

Itwasgoingtobealongnight.

CHAPTERNINE

EREKWOKEUP

tothesoundofhiscondodooropeningandshutting.Herubbedthesleepout

ofhiseyesandsatupinthechairasMaceycamebarrelingdownthehalltowardthelivingroom.

“Whenareyougoingtolearntolockyourdoor?”sheasked.

“Soon,ifyoukeepwalkinginonme,”hemumbledtohimself.It’dbeenaweeksinceJulie’s

birthday,thedayhe’dmissedthefirsthalfofwork.Maceyhadbackedoffafterthat.Eithershesensed
heneededtobealoneorshewasjustpreoccupiedbyallthehiringshe’ddone.Shewastakingover
thebarpiecebypieceand,frankly,hewasglad.Itneededhelpandhecouldn’tgiveit.Allhecoulddo
wasshowupandpourdrinks.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”heasked.“Whattimeisit?”

“Seven-thirty.We’regoingout.”

“We?Gotamouseinyourpocket?”heaskedasshecrossedthelivingroomandopenedtheblinds,

lettinginthebrightsunlight.Hecouldsee,though,thattherewasnomouseinherpocket.Therewas
nothinginherpocket.Shewouldn’tbeabletofitanythinginthemicroscopicpocketofher
microscopicshorts.

Sincewhendidshelooklikethat?hewondered,lettinghiseyesroamovertheredtopthatshowed

offastripofskinatherwaistandbaredmostofherback.Maceyhadapparentlycomeoutofher
shellsometimewhenhewasn’tlooking.

“Youaregoingtogetup,takeashoweranddress.I’vebroughtcoffeeanddoughnuts.”

“Howaboutifyouleavethecoffeeanddoughnutsandgoaway.”

“Nicetry,butyou’renotscaringmeoffbybeingmean.”

“Ithoughtthatwasalotmorepolitethantellingyoutogetthehellout.”

“Gladtoseeyourthoughtfulnessisn’tcompletelygone.Now.”Shepointedtowardhisbedroom.

“Why?”

“I’mtakingyousomewhere.”

“Where?”

“You’llseewhenwegetthere.”

Dereksatbackinthechair.“YoumayhavenoticedI’mnotinthemoodtoplaygameslately.”

“Thisisn’tagame.”

“Thentellmewhatwe’redoing.”

“IfItellyou,willyougetyourbuttintheshower?”

Hedidn’twanttothinkaboutthelasttimehe’dgottenhisbuttintheshowerwithherhere.“Yes.”

“Adolphincruise.”

Hestared,waitingforhertolaughandsayshewasjoking.Shecrossedherarmsandstaredright

backathim.

“Shower.”

“You’rekiddingaboutthedolphincruise,right?”

“Notintheleast.”

“Macey.Ihaveabartorun.”

“Actually,I’vekindofbeenrunningitforyou,andI’vescheduledpeopletocoveruntilnoon.They

won’tletyouinbeforethat.Consideritanemployeerevolt.”

“Whatmakesyouthink—”

“Wemadeadeal,Derek.Youcanbarkatmeallyouwantlater,butyou’renotgoingtoworkuntil

noon.Youcaneitherstayinyourlonelycondoandbroodoryoucancomewithmeandshutmeup.”

“That’llbetheday.”Hestoodbutmadenomovetowardhisbedroom.Maceytookhisarmandtried

pullinghiminthatdirection.Whenshefiguredoutshecouldn’tbudgehim,hershouldersdrooped.

“Willyoudothisforme,please?”sheaskedsoftly.

“Dowhatforyou?”

“Iwanttoseethedolphins.Ihaven’thadthechancetodoanythingfunortouristysinceI’vebeen

here,andIjustwanttodothis.”

“Whydoyouneedme?”heaskedsuspiciously.

“BecauseIcan’twatchdolphinsallalone.”

Hestaredather,sureshewasplayinghim,butthelookonherfacewasearnestandalittlebitsad.

“Please?”sherepeated.

Heknewhe’dbeenaterriblefriendsinceshe’dsetfootontheisland.Hecoulddothisonething.

Evenifshewasfeedinghimalineofcrap.“You’resurethey’vegotthebarcovered?”

“Andie’sthere,Ramon’sthereandsoisKevintheGreat,”shesaid,referringtothenewesthire,the

veteranbarmanagerfromupNorth.HewasoneofthreemorenewhiresMaceyhadmadeinthepast
week.“They’llbefineandwe’llgetthereintimeforthebiglunchcrowd.”Shepeggedhimwith
thosegreeneyes.“Trustme,Derek.”

Hegrittedhisteethandheadedfortheshower,mutteringthewholewaythathewasasuckerandhe

knewit.

“L

OOKATALLOFTHEM

!”Maceysaidinawe.

SheandDerekstoodonthetoplevelofthedouble-deckerboat,leaningalongthefrontrailing.

Theywerecrowdedintothecorner,nearalltheotherpassengersstrainingtogetaglimpseofthe
dolphins,buttheyhadanexcellentviewsoshewasn’tcomplaining.

Theremusthavebeenadozendolphinsoutthere,justafewfeetaway.She’dseenthemonTVand

atzoos,butneverinthewild.Itwasincredibletowatchthemsoclose,playingtagwiththeboat.
MaceystoleaglanceatDerekandsawhewasactuallysmiling.Suchasmallthing,thatsmile,buta
hugestep.

Helookeddownather.“They’reamazing,aren’tthey?”

Maceynoddedandturnedherattentionbacktothepod.Thecaptainhadstoppedtheengineandthe

boatwasdriftinginthebay,closetowhereitandthegulfjoined.Otherboatsspedby,trailing
monstrouswakes.Aparticularlylargewavereachedandrockedthem,sendingMaceycrashinginto
Derek’sside.

“Itoldyoutolayofftheliquor,”hesaidasheputhisarmaroundhertosteadythembothagainst

thehighrailing.

Maceygasped.“Wasthatafunny?Ididn’tknowyoustillhaditinyou.”

“Itakeitback.Don’tknowwhatcameoverme.”Buthewassmiling.Andhisarmremainedather

waist,whichmadethemomentallthemoremagical.Evenifitwasone-sidedmagic.

“YouthinkweshouldcallAndie?”Derekaskedafterthedolphinshadswumawayandheand

Maceyhadtakentheirseatsagain.“Whatfor?”

Heshrugged.“Tomakesureeverything’sokay.”

“Everything’sfine.Andifitisn’t,whatareyougoingtodo?You’reonaboatinthemiddleofthe

bay.”

Derekbouncedhiskneesupanddownrestlessly.“I’mnotusedtonotbeingthere.”

Maceysqueezedhisforearmgently.“Don’ttakethisthewrongway,Dare,butthebeerwillflow

withoutyou.”

Hestaredatherforseveralsecondsandfinallycrackedanothergrin.Theyweregoingforarecord

todaywiththesmiles.“Whenyouputitlikethat,Isoundlikeanidiot.”

Maceylaughed.“You’renotanidiot.You’rededicatedtothebarjustlikeyouusedtobededicated

tofirefighting.”

Helookedaway,outoverthesideoftheboattowardthemainland.

“Doyoumissit?”Maceyaskedtentatively.

Derekshookhishead.“Idon’tthinkaboutit.”

“Maybeyoushould.”

Hisgazepenetratedhers.“Areyoutryingtoruinthis?”

“You’reright.ForgetIsaidanything.Thishasbeenfun.NexttimeIthinkweshouldtrysurfingor

sandsculpturelessons.”

“Yousoundlikeatouristbrochure.”

“Iamonvacation,technically.”

Hechuckled.“Hatetotellyouthis,butmostpeopledon’tworkafull-timejobonvacation.”

“Thebarisafunjob.”

Heraisedaneyebrow.

“Youdon’tenjoyit?”

“Itpassesthetime.”

“That’sall?Youspendsixteenhoursadaythereanditpassesthetime?”

“Likeyousaid,it’spouringbeerandmixingliquor.NotsomethingIalwaysdreamedofdoing.”

“ButyoudoitforGus.”

“DoIneedabetterreason?”

Sheshookherhead.WhathewassayingjustconfirmedforMaceythatheneededtogetbackto

firefighting.Hemightnotbereadyyet,andthatwasfine,butshewoulddowhatshecouldtogethim
ready.Somehow.

Theyrodeinsilencetherestofthewaybacktothemarina,engrossedinthesightsandthecaptain’s

entertainingnarration.Whentheydisembarked,Maceydraggedhimintothegiftshop.

“Thisisalltouristcrap,Mace.”

“TouristcraphappenstobeexactlywhatI’mlookingfor.”Shewantedasouveniroftheday.Itwas

thefirstfuntimesheandDerekhadactuallyspenttogetherinyears.Shewantedtorememberforever
themagicalfeelingshe’dhad,withhisarmaroundher,watchingthedolphins.

“Herewego,”shesaid,pickingouttwoplasticdolphinkeychains.

“Charming,”Dereksaidwhensheheldthemup.“Lastofthebigspenders.”

“Mybossdoesn’tpaymeenough.”Shetookthesouvenirstothecountertopayforthem.Rejecting

thepaperbagthecashierofferedher,sheimmediatelystartedtransferringherkeystooneofthe
dolphins.ThensheheldoutherhandtoDerek.“Keys,please.”

“What?No.You’renotputtingthatthingonmykeys.”

“Iam.Thatwayyouwon’tlosethem.Hand’emover.”

“IneverlosethemandIdon’twantagoofydolphinhangingfromthem.”

Theyarrivedathercarandsheunlockedthedoors.“Youreallydon’trememberhowtohavefun,

doyou?”shesaidastheyclimbedin.Shewouldgrabhiskeyslater,whenhewasn’tpayingattention.

Derekscoffed.“ImayberustybutIfeelconfidentsayingacheapplasticdolphinisnotfun.”

“Oldman.”

“Littlegirl.Nextyou’llbecollectingHelloKitty.”

“IusedtoloveHelloKitty,thankyou.Doyouneedtogohomebeforeheadingtowork?”

“I’mgood.Let’smakesuretheyhaven’tburnedtheplacedown.”

Maceyparkedalongthestreetoutsidethebar.“Derek,”shesaidwhenhereachedforthedoor

handle.

Hestoppedandlookedather.

“Thanksforcomingwithmetoday.Ilovedit.”

Thecornersofhismouthtiltedupward.“Youaresofullofit.Thatwasn’tforyouatall.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”sheaskedinnocently.

“Imeanyoudidthattodragmeoutofmypatheticexistence.”

“Me?I’dneverdosomethinglikethat.”Shecouldn’tkeepfromsmilingherself.“Okay.Maybea

little.ButIreallywasdyingtoseethedolphins.AndIhatedoingthingslikethatalone.”

Hehesitatedforseveralseconds.“Itwasfun.”Hesaidthewordswithsuchseriousness,asifitwasa

shamefulconfession.

“Nexttimewe’retotallydoingthesand-castlelessons.”

“Whywouldanyonewantsand-castlelessons?”

“Tolearnhowtobuildbig,beautifulsandsculptures,ofcourse.”

“You’repushingyourluck.”

“Yeah,well,I’vegottengoodatthat.Comeon.We’relate.”

“D

IDYOUTWOHAVESEX

orsomething?”

Maceyjumped,thenlookedaroundtomakesurenooneelsehadheardAndiebuther.Derekwas

outonthepatiocleaninguptrashandwipingtables,thankgoodness.

Thecrowdhadthinnedoutconsiderablyaboutanhourago.Itwasjustaftermidnightandthey

wouldmostlikelyhaveonemorerushondrinksbetweennowandlastcall.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Maceyasked.

“Idon’tknow,butitsoundsworthhearing.”Laurenwasoneofthenewemployees,aTexasA&M

studentwhowasspendingthesummeronSanAmaroIslandbeforehersenioryear.She’djustcome
outofthebackroom.

“He’sbeeninadecentmoodallday.Ijustwonderedifyou’rethereason,”Andiestated.

“Itoldyou,wewentonadolphincruisethismorning,”Maceysaidemphaticallytobothofthem.

“That’sall.”

“Right.”Andieshookadrinkshewasmixingforarail-thinwomanwhosatplayingsolitaireatthe

outercounter.

“DerekandIaren’t…Thatwouldn’thappen.”

“You’regettingflustered,”Andietaunted.

“Yourfaceisturningred,”Laurenadded,andMaceywonderedwhyshe’dhiredfemales.Aguy

wouldnevernoticeanyofthis.

“It’shotinhere.Lauren,weren’tyousupposedtoleaveafewminutesago?”

Thestudentcheckedherwatchandswore.“I’mouttahere.SeeyouWednesdayafternoon.”

“Seeyou,”Maceysaid,andwenttothebackroomtogetasleeveofplasticcups.

Whenshereturned,Andiewashandingchangetohercustomeratthecounter.“So?”shesaidwhen

thewomanwalkedaway.

MaceyhadbeenhopingAndiewoulddropthesubject.“Youdon’tknowwhathappenedtohim

beforehecamehere,doyou?”sheasked,decidingnowwasthetimetotellsomeofDerek’spast,if
onlytoconvinceAndietheywerenotinvolvedbeyondfriendship.

“Hedoesn’ttellmeandIdon’task.”

“Hisgirlfriendwaskilledinafire.”Shemadesuretosayitquietlysonooneelsewouldoverhear.

“Holyshit.”Andiefilledhercupwithlemonadeandaddedashotofcherrysyrup.“Howlongago?”

“January.”

AndiewasquietandMaceystraightenedtheshelfofliquorbottles.

“Shedied?”Andieasked,aftertakingagulp.

Maceynodded.

“Andhewasafirefighter?”

“Heworkedthefirethatkilledher.Anotherfirefighterdiedtryingtosaveher.Theentirebuilding

collapsedonthem.”

Andiedidn’tsayanything,justshookherhead.

“What’supwiththehenfest?”Derekaskedashewalkedbehindthebar.

Uncharacteristically,Andiehurriedtothekitchenwithoutaword.Normallyshewouldn’ttakethe

hencommentsittingdown.

“What’swithher?”Derekasked,stillsoundingmuchmorecheerfulthanMaceyhadheardhim

sinceshe’dbeenonSanAmaro.

Sheshrugged.“Myguessisshe’sjustreadytogohome.”

“Shewassupposedtoleaveattwelve,wasn’tshe?Gohome,Andie!”heholleredback.

Sheappearedinthedoorway.“Biteme.I’mleaving.”

Maceylaughedasshecontinuedtoorganizetheliquorbottlesandcleantheshelvesunderthem.

Allhertidyingwasfornaught,becausetwohourslater,whentheyfinallykickedthelastcustomer

outtothepatiosotheycouldcloseup,theareabehindthecounterwasacompleteshambles.

“Thatlittlerushhelpedtheday’ssales,”Maceysaid,staringatthewarzoneotherwiseknownasthe

backcounter.

“Littlerush?Wordmust’vegoneoutthatthiswasthelastchanceforalcoholthisdecade,theway

theycrowdedinhere.”DerektotaledouttheregistersandMaceyglancedoverhisshouldertoseethe
numbers.“AtthisrateI’llbeabletoretireinaweek.”

“Dreamon,”Maceytoldhim.“We’relowoneverything.Butthatshouldverynicelycoverallthe

suppliesweneed.We’regettingabigdeliveryinthemorning.”

Derekstaredather.“Ibowdown.Youarethegoddessofallthingsbusiness.”

Maceyfeltherselfblushingbutlovedthecompliment.“Nobigdeal,”shesaid.

“Nobigdeal?Idon’tbowdowntojustanyone.Icouldn’tdothiswithoutyou.”

Hisseriousnessmadehersquirm.

“Derek?”

Hepulledoutthecashbagwithoutlookingather.“Yeah.”

“You’ddofinewithoutme,soshutup.”Withthat,shetookthebuilt-inlineforsodawater,aimedit

athimandshothiminthesideoftheface,soakinghishairandgettingsodawaterinhisear.Shetried
tokeepherlaughtertoherself,andcrossedherfingersthathewasinagoodenoughmoodnotto
explode,because,wow,she’dgottenhimmuchwetterthanshe’dmeantto.

Hesetthecashbaginthedrawerandstoodstill,dripping.“Youshouldnothavedonethat.”His

voicewaslowandshecouldn’ttellifhewasmad.“Startregrettingitnow,honey,becauseyou’re
goingdown.”

Maceyrantothebackroom,howlingwithlaughter.Stupidmove,asthebackdoorwasalready

padlocked.Derekcorneredherandthrewonearmaroundhermiddle,draggingherbacktothefront.
Beforeshecouldfigureouthisintentions,hetookthewhippedcreamspigotandsquirtedher.Itwas
hookeduptoalargetank,sohewouldn’trunoutanytimesoon.Ashecoatedherface,Maceyclosed
hereyes,laughingsohardshecouldn’tgetenoughairtotellhimtostop.

Finallyhedidstop,butnotbeforeshemust’velookedlikeacreampie.Shewipedherfaceoffand

flungthecreamathim,nailinghiminthehead.Theybothstoodthere,crackingupandwipingthe
messoffthemselves.Macey’ssideshurtandshecouldn’tstandupstraight.

“Missedsome,”Dereksaidwhenthey’dcalmeddownacoupledegrees.Hewipedasplotchof

whippedcreamoffhertemple,smilingbroadly.“Ithinkwhite’syourcolor.”

Shelookedupintohiseyes,whichhadmorelifeinthemthanshe’dseensinceshegothere.His

smileslowlydisappearedashemovedclosertoher,andMacey’sheartleapedtoherthroat.This
wasn’treallyhappening,wasit?Wasshereadinghimwrong?

Ohmy,no,shewasn’t.

Derekleanedincloserstillandshecouldfeelhisbreathonherlips.Shedidn’tdaremove.She

shouldn’tletthishappen,butshehadwanteditforsomanyyears….

Thetouchofhislipswaslikecoolseawateronahotday.Somethingsheneeded,somethingshe’d

longedforforsolongshedidn’trememberwhenshehadn’t.Thesoftnessofhismouthwassucha
contrasttothehardbodypressedupagainsther,hisgentlenesssounexpectedfromamanwho’d
alwayslivedlifehard.Herinsidespooledandherlegsthreatenedtogiveout.

Shewrappedherarmsaroundhim,asmuchforsupportastodrawhimevennearer.Hepressedher

backsideintothecounterwithhisarousedbody,whichhelpedherstayuprightbutsentherpulseinto
overdrive.Derek’stongueswirledinsidehermouthandshemetitwithherown,exploringhim,
thrillingtothefeelofhim.Hesmelledlikeamixtureofwhippedcreamandman,andshewould
likelyneverforgetit.

Derekbrokethecontactabruptly.Sheopenedhereyesinsilentquestionandheheldhergazefora

longsecondbeforesteppingbackandturningaway.

“Whatwasthat?”shesaid,tryingtokeepthetonelight,tryingtohidethathehadjustsentherworld

spinningoff-kilter.

“That—”hewalkedacrosstheroom“—wasamistake.”

Herheartplummeted.Shefeltasifsomeonehadactuallypunchedherinthemiddle.

“I’msorry,Macey.Iwastotallyoutofline.”

Shewantedtoargue.

Shewantedtotellhimitwasthebesthundredandtwentysecondsofherlife,betterthananything

she’ddreamedaboutoverthepasttenyears.Shewantedtosayitwasokay.

Butitwasn’t.

Itsowasn’tokay.

Howhadsheletthathappen?Shewasthestrongeronehere,theonewhowasn’thurting,who

wasn’tinaweakened,grievingstate.She’dcomehereknowingthiscouldneverhappen,thatitwould
neverworkoutbetweenthem,andyetshe’dlethimkissher.Andshe’dkissedhimbacklikesome
desperate,needyidiotwhowouldtakewhatevershecouldget,regardlessoftheconsequences.

Shenodded.“Amistake.Onbothourparts.”Sheactuallymanagedtosoundstrong.“Let’spretendit

neverhappened.”Evenasshesaidit,sheknewthatkisswouldbebrandedinhermindforever.

Well,sobeit,buthedidn’thavetoknowthat.Asfarasheknew,sheregretteditasmuchashedid.

“Neverhappened,”Derekrepeated.“Goodidea.Let’sgetthisplacecleanedup.”

Justlikethat,hewasoverit.Maceywasstillshaking,stilltryingtowrapherbrainaroundthefact

thatDerekhadkissedher.HerDerek,afteralltheseyears,hadkissedherandbeenturnedonand
totallyintoit,ifonlyforashortmoment.Andnowhewasbacktocountingoutthecash.

“I’llbebackinaminute,”shesaid,stillmanagingtosoundnormalinsteadofinsideout.She

focusedontheexitandonlybreathedwhenthecoolmiddle-of-the-nightbreezewhisperedoverher
onherwaytotherestroomontheothersideofthepatio.

Onceinside,sheclosedherselfinastallandleanedagainstthewoodenwall,wonderinghowshe

wouldeverpretendthatkisshadneverhappened.

EREKDIDN’TOFFER

toseeMaceyhomethatnight.Thelasttwentyminutesthey’dscrubbed,sweptand

moppedinsilence.Othernightsthequietwould’vebeencompanionableandcomfortable,buttonight
theairwastense.Electric.

Hewassuchagoddamnass.Howcouldhekissanotherwoman?Howcouldheallowhimselfto

touchsomeoneelse?

Ashedrovehistruckhome,thecabseemedtobedevoidofoxygen,andbythetimehepulledinto

hisparkingspot,sweatsoakedhisskin.Hecouldn’tgetoutoftherefastenough.

Helethimselfintothedarkcondoanddidn’tbotherturningonanylightsuntilhereachedthespare

bedroom,wherehekepttheweightmachine.Rippinghisshirtoverhishead,hestartedthemost
punishingworkouthecoulddevise,addingweightandrepstoeverydamnexercisehecouldthinkof.
Pain.Heneededthepain.Deservedit.

Somehowthepainwaseasierthantheguilt.

CHAPTERTEN

RETENDINGTHEKISSHAD

neverhappenedbecamesecondnatureoverthecourseofthe

nextweek.Maceyhadbeendenyingherfeelingsforsomanyyearsthatthisjustfellintothatcategory.
Puredenial.AtleastwhenshewasaroundDerek.

Whenshewasathomebyherself,relivingthekisswasfairgame,totheextentthatshewishedshe

couldforgetaboutit.Thatwouldbepreferabletothetortureshewasputtingherselfthrough.

Unfortunately,she’dcutbackonherbarhours—shewasworkingmostlyeight-hourshiftsinstead

ofopentoclose—sinceshe’dmanagedtohirefivepeoplenow.Whileitwasgoodforhertobeaway
fromDerek,thatgaveherfreetime.Thinkingtime.Timeforhermindtowander.Shewasbeginning
tounderstandwhyhepreferredtoworkdayandnight—notthatherproblemwasanythingcompared
tolosingalovedone.Buttherewassolaceinbeingtoobusytothink.

BusinessatTheShellShackwasbooming.Thenewhireshadbeentrained,andMacey,Derek,

AndieandKevinwereabletosplitsupervisorydutiessotheycouldeachworkclosertofortyhours.
Notallofherworkhours,thankgoodness,werewithDerek,butthiseveningtheywereclosing
together.Tothink,she’dbeggedhimtohirehersoshecouldbenearhim….

Maceywastakingadvantageofalulltostockcupsandnapkinswhensomeonespoketoherfroma

stoolatthecounter.

“It’sourhero—heroine—inbartendingclothes.”

Evan’svoice,becomingfamiliarnow,madehersmile.SheturnedtoseehimandClayleaningon

thecounter.

“Theusual?”sheaskedasshemoveddownthebartothem.They’dbeeninonlytwicebefore,but

bothtimesthey’dgottenthesamething.

“Ilikethat.Personalizedservice,”Evanstated.

“Notbad.ButI’lltakeaCokeinsteadofabeer,”Claysaid.“Westartatwenty-fourinthemorning.”

“Onebeerisn’tgoingtohurtanything,”Evansaid.“Theusual,please.”

Maceynoticedthewayhiseyesfollowedher.Shewasflatteredbyhisattention.Itwasn’teveryday

amanwholookedlikehimshowedinterestinher.

“Youguyswantanythingtoeat?”sheaskedasshesetdownabottleofBudandaCoke.

Theybothorderedburgersandcheesefries,andMaceywenttogivetheordertoLauren.

Asshewasheadingbackin,Derekappearedinthedoorwayandblockedherway.

“Excuseme,Dare.”

Hejuststaredatheranddidn’tmove.

“Whatisyourproblem?”sheasked.Theywerebusyenoughthatneitheroneofthemhadtimeto

standaround,letaloneboth.

“Youneedtowatchoutforyourself,”Dereksaid.

“What?”

Hegesturedwithhisheadtothemenbehindhim.“Oneofthemisafteryou.”

“Afterme?”Maceycouldn’thelplaughing.“Doyouthinkhe’llturnintoastalker?”

“Ithinkhe’sgoingtoaskyouout.”

“Alreadydid.”Withthat,sheremovedDerek’sarmfromthedoorframeandwalkedpasthim,

tryingtostifleanotherlaughathisstunnedexpression.Shehadn’tplannedontellinghim,becauseit
wasn’tabigdeal,buthe’daskedforit.

Thenexttenminutessheavoidedhimbyrushingfromonecustomertothenext,andDerekwas

keptbusy,aswell.Whenshehadtotakeanotherordertotheback,hefollowedher.

“Whatdidyousay?”hedemanded.

“Huh?”

“Whatdidyoutellhim?”

“WhatdidItellwho?”Theordershe’djusttakenwasfromawoman.

“Whatdidyoutellthefirefighterwhenheaskedyouout?”

Ahhh.Hewasstillonthat.Apointlesslittleshiverofexcitementcoursedthroughher.“Itoldhim

no.”

“Good.”Derekscowledashereturnedtohiswork.

SomethingaboutthesetofhisjawirritatedMacey.Whowashetobuttinonherbusiness?Whatif

shehadsaidyestoEvan?

Cometothinkofit,whyhadn’tshe?

Theobviousreason,futilethoughitwas,stoodrightinfrontofher,mixingatequilasunrise.

Itdidn’tescapeherthatshewasrightbackwhereshe’dbeenduringherlastyearofcollege.Inlove

withDerekandturningdownopportunitiesbecauseofit.

Shedidn’tfeelasparkwithEvan,buttheycouldstillhaveagoodtimeonadate.Asshe’dpointed

outtoDereknumeroustimes,shewascapableoftakingcareofherself,andshewasn’tafraidtogo
outwithEvan.Atleastthenshecouldtellherselfshewasn’twaitingaroundforDerekandwhatwould
neverbe.

MaceydecidedbeforethenightwasovershewouldtellEvanshewantedtochangeheranswertoa

yes.Thenshewouldofficiallybemovingforward.

HINGSNEVERSEEMEDTOGO

assmoothlyatthebarwhenMaceywasn’tthere.Todayhappenedtobe

oneofherfewdaysoffandthey’drunoutofseveralthings,includingchangefortheregister.Minor
problemsthatdidn’thappenwhenshewasaround.

Itwasjustafter10:00p.m.whenRamonagainaskedDerekforquarters,whichhadn’tmaterialized

outofthinairinthehoursincethey’drunout.Derekgrowledasheaddedwhippedcreamtoanicy
strawberrydaiquirithatdeservedaminiatureumbrellafloatinginit—anotherthingthey’drunoutof.

“Stillnoquarters,dude.Usedimesandnickels.”Asheturnedandtookthetwostepstothecounter

tosetthedrinkdown,hespottedMaceyenteringtheshackthroughthedoorwaytohisleft.Hisspirits
rose,eitherbecauseshemightbeabletogethimquartersormaybejustbecauseshewasafriendly
faceinaseaofthirstystrangers.Aheartbeatlater,though,hefrowned.

TrailingcloselybehindMaceywasthefirefighterwho’daskedherout.Theoneshe’dclaimedto

haveturneddown.

Evidentlyshe’dlied,becausethereshewaswithhim,anditwasmostdefinitelyadate.She

looked…God,shelookedhot.Sheworeashortwhitedressthathuggedhercurvesandshowedoff
hertan,amongotherthings.Itwasn’tindecent—shewaswell-covered—butitwaseye-catching,and
sentDerek’simaginationintooverdrive.Herheelsaddedagoodthreeinchestoherheightandmade
herlegslooklikeamodel’s.Herhairhungdowninbigwavesoverhershouldersandback,andshe
woremoremakeupthanusual.

“LookatMacey,”LaurensaidwithapprovalasshecameupbesideDerek.“Whoisthatshe’s

with?”

“Herneighbor,”Derekmuttered,beforehelpingthenextcustomer.“Switchregisterswithmeand

takethelineontheotherside.”HewasdamnwellgoingtobetheonetowaitonMaceyandher“non-
date.”

MaceysmiledandflippedherhairbehindhershoulderasDerekwatched.Noquestion,shewas

tryingtoimpressthisguy.

Andunlessthedudelackedapulse,shewaslikelydoingahellofajob.

Derek’seyesweredrawntoherrepeatedlyashewaitedonthepeopleinfrontofher.Hetold

himselfitwasbecausehehadn’tseenherdolledupforyears.Andfrankly,she’dneverlookedquite
likethat.

Whenthecustomersbeforeherwereserved,Maceysteppeduptothecounterandsmiled.“Hey,

Dare.”

“Hey,”hegrunted.

“Beenbusy?”

“Slightly.WhatcanIgetyou?”

Hersmileslippedanotch.Suethehelloutofhimifhewasn’tascheerfulasher.

Evanhadbeentalkingtosomeoneheapparentlyknew,standingafewfeetaway,andnowhe

returnedhisattentiontoMacey,movingupbesideheratthecounter.Heputhishandonthesmallof
herback.“How’sitgoing?”hesaidtoDerek.

“Going.”Derekhadtofighttobecivil.Iftheguywasn’tafirefighter,hewouldn’tbothertotry.

Macey’sgazenarrowedinonDerek.“I’dlikeastrawberrymargaritaandabasketofcocktail

shrimp,please.”

“I’llhaveadoubleburger,loaded,cheesefriesandabeer.”

“Draworbottle?”Derekasked.

“BottleofBud,”Maceyansweredforhim.Wasn’tthatjustcozythatsheknewhisdrink.

Herdatenoddedtoanothercouplewhocameinashedugouthiswallet.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”DerekaskedMacey.“It’syournightoff.”

“EvanaskedwhereIwantedtogoforadrinkandthisisabouttheonlyplaceIknow.Besides,the

food’sdecent.”

Derekcouldn’thelpbutbemollifiedalittlebythesmileshegavehim.“PlusImakeamean

strawberrymarg.”

“That,too.”

“Thanks,”DereksaidtoEvanashetookhiscash.“I’llbringitouttoyouinacouple.”

Andsincehewassodamnnice,hewouldn’tevenmesswiththeguy’sfood.

HENIGHTWASPERFECT

foraromanticstroll.Nearlyfullmoon,cloudlesssky,relativelygentlewaves

rollingin,softbreezerustlingthroughMacey’shair.

Nomatterhowhardshetried,though,shecouldn’tsummonanyromanticfeelingsforEvan.

Therewasn’tathingwrongwithhim.Quitetheopposite,actually—someoneneededtofallinlove

withthisman.Probablymanywomenalreadyhad.Maceywouldbeshockedifhehadn’tleftapathof
brokenheartsinhiswake.

Hewasadecentconversationalistandhadagreatsenseofhumor.Thentherewerehislooksand

thatbody.Hewasstrikinginaneveryday,athletic,quarterbackway.Withmusclestomatch.

Yettherewasnosparkwhenshelookedathim,nodesiretotakehimhomeandtalkforhoursand

thendosomethingaltogetherdifferent.

Shewishedtherewasbecausethewholepointofgoingoutwithhimwastoseeifhecouldhelpher

forgetDerek.Ifthismancouldn’tdoit,thereweren’tlikelymany,ifany,whocould.

“There’ssomethingIneedtoaskyou,”Evansaidastheystrolledalongthebeachinthegeneral

directionoftheirapartmentbuilding,Maceycarryingherheels.They’dstayedatTheShellShackfor
muchlongerthanthey’dplanned,talkingtheirwaythroughacouplemoredrinks.

“Youmakeitsoundserious,”Maceysaid,hopinghewouldlightenupinresponse.

Hedidn’t.Hewalkedforseveralmoremomentsbeforesayinganythingatall.“What’sgoingon

betweenyouandtheex-firefighter?Derek,isit?”

“Derek.Nothing’sgoingon.”Shenoddedoncewithconviction.

“Macey.Astheguystuckinthemiddle,givemealittlecredit.”

Whatcouldhepossiblyknow?ShealwaysmadeapointofnotshowinghowshefeltaboutDerek.

Well,exceptforthekiss,butthatwasjustagianterrornoonehadwitnessed.AndDerekhadinitiated
it,whichmadeherfeelnotquiteasexposedbyit.

“Whatareyoustuckinthemiddleof?”sheasked.

“That’swhatI’mtryingtofindout.Wereyoutwoinvolvedinthepast?”

Onlyifyoucountedherdreams.“We’refriends.Goodfriends.Wegrewuptogether.Ourmoms

haveco-ownedarestaurantforyearsandthat’showwemet.Whenwewerefive.We’veneverbeen
morethanfriends.”

“That’sabigexplanationforalittlequestion.”

Shehadn’tconsidereditsuchalittlequestion,butshesupposedthatwasrevealinginitself.“There’s

nothingbetweenus,”sheinsisted.

“Iwasrightthere.I’dhavetobedeadnottonoticehowhereactedtoseeingyouonadatewithme.”

“Imustbedeadthen.Howdidhereact?”

“Hestakedhisclaim.”

“Hedoesn’thaveaclaim.”Herheartcontradictedherwords,constrictingwiththefamiliarache.

“He’sgot…something.Feelingsforyou.”

“Yes.Brotherlyfeelings.That’sall.”Justadmittingitoutloudwaslikeaknifetothechest.

“Soyou’retryingtotellmethecoldshoulderhegavemewassimplyadon’t-break-my-sister ’s-

heartwarningkindofthing?”

“Yes.”

AgainEvandidn’tspeakforseveralseconds.Thenheshookhishead.“You’rewrong.”

Jeez.Thiswasn’tfairtoEvanandsheknewit.Shestoppedwalkingandhefollowedsuit.“Icare

abouthim.Notasabrother.Butit’sallone-sidedandI’membarrassedtotellyouthat,andsosorryI
wentoutwithyouwhenIcareaboutsomeoneelseandthere’sreallynohopeofgettingpastit.”

Evanstudiedherasheabsorbedherwords.Shereachedoutandtouchedhisforearm.“I’msorry.

I’dhopedthatspendingtimewithyoucouldchangethewayIfeel.You’reso…”Shefelthercheeks
warmingandhopedherblushwouldn’tbevisibleinthedark,bigmoonornot.“Youknowyou’re
good-looking.”

Acockygrinspreadacrosshisfaceandhestoodstraighter.Thegrinfadedquickly,though.“I’dbe

flatteredifyouweren’trejectingme.You’rehardonaguy’sego.”

Maceytriedtokeepastraightface.“Isuspectyouhaveenoughegotogetthroughjustfine.”

“Youhurtmewithsuchcruelwords,”hemocked,makingherlaugh.

Shepushedherhairbehindherearandstartedwalkingagain,watchingthewhiteglimmerofshells

beneathherfeetuntilsheandEvanangledoffthebeachandcutacrossthepavementtowardtheir
building.“You’llhaveanewwomannextweek.”

“Iwashopingfortomorrow.Youmustnotthinkmuchofme,afterall.”

“Ifyoutakesomeoneouttomorrow,she’lljustbeareboundgirl.”

Hechuckled.“Andthatwouldbeaproblembecause…?”

“Youtrytosoundlikesuchaheartlessjerk,butyou’reactuallyagoodguy.”

“Andyetyouchoosehimoverme.”

“Iknewhimfirst,”shesaid,shrugging,asifitwasassimpleasthat.

They’darrivedatthestairstothesecondfloor,andclimbedtogetherinsilence.Whentheygotto

thetop,EvanfollowedMaceytohersideofthebuilding.Outsideherdoor,shefacedhim.

“Ihadfuntonight,”shesaid.

“Liar.”

Sheflickedhimontheupperarm,whichwashardasmarble.“Idid.Iknowyoudidn’t,though.

Sorryaboutthat.”

“Nothingtoapologizefor.I’llseeyouatthepoolinacoupledays.”

Heleaneddownandkissedherontheforehead,andforaheartbeat,shewonderedifshe’ddecided

toosoonshewasn’tinterested.Thenotionpassedandshewasjustgladhewasunderstanding.
“Definitely.Thanks,Evan.”

Hesqueezedherhandgentlybeforewalkingoff.Whenhewastwodoorsdown,heturnedtoward

herbutkeptwalkingbackward.“Hedoeshavefeelingsforyou,Macey.AndifIhadtoguess,there’s
nothingbrotherlyaboutthematall.”

EvanwasinsidehisownapartmentbeforeMaceycouldformacoherentsentencetosethim

straight.

Sheallowedherselftoimagine,justforaminute,whatitwouldbelikeifheweresomehowright.

CHAPTERELEVEN

EREKGOTOUTOF

histruckandheadedtothelockeddoorofTheShellShack,dodgingthefat

raindropsthathadjuststartedcomingdown.Thickcloudscoveredtheskyandthewindwaspicking
up.Itwaslikelytobeaslowdayforbusinessandthatwasjustfinewithhim.

Heopenedonesetofwoodshutterstoletsomelightin,thendraggedouttheheavy-dutyplastic

coversthatsnappedovertheopeningsonrainydays.Ifthewinddidn’tletup,it’dbeabitchtoget
themattachedbyhimself.

Beforehestarted,hewentintothekitchenandgotthecoffeemakergoing.He’dhadanextrahard

timesleepinglastnightandwouldneedasmuchhelpaspossiblegettingthroughthewimpyeight-
hourshiftMaceyhadscheduledhimfor.Hestillwasn’tcomfortablewithnotbeinghereeveryhour
theplacewasopen,buthe’drunoutofargumentsandhadmadeherapromisethathe’donlywork
theshiftsshescheduledhim.Hewasn’tanybetterrestedthanhe’dbeenwhenworkingopentoclose
everyday.

Whenhecamebackoutofthekitchen,Guswasseatedonhisusualstool.

“It’s10:00a.m.,”Dereksaid.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”

“It’snoonsomewhere.”Hisuncle,wearinghisusualbuckethatandagaudyplaid,button-down

shirtthattentedonhisbonybody,spreadoutthenewspaperinfrontofhim.“Tooktheearlyshuttle
today.Gotmeadatethisafternoon.”

“You’vegotadate?”Maybetheskywasactuallyfallingandthoseweren’tjustheavycloudsout

there.

“Don’tactsosurprised,boy,”Gussaidsmugly.“I’vehadplentyofwomeninmytime.”

“Youhaven’thadanysinceI’vebeenhere.You’vebeentoobusywatchingovermyshoulderto

noticeanybesidesMaceyandAndie.”

“Thelmalivesdownthehallattheretirementhome.Hadmyeyeonhersinceshemovedin.”

“Finallymadeyourbigmove,huh?”

“We’regoingtoamatinee.”Gus’sexcitement,ormaybeitwasself-satisfaction,madehiseyes

shine.

“Well,goodforyou.Oneofusshouldbegettingsomeaction.”

“Sincewhenareyouinterestedinaction,boy?”

“I’mnot.”

SomethingaboutseeingMaceyoutwithwhat’s-his-namehadjump-startedapartofhisbrainthat

hadbeendead.Specificallythepartthatwasconcernedwithgettingsomeaction.He’dwokenupina
sweat—andnotacoldone.He’dgottenup,takenanicyshowerandgonerunning,eventhoughit
hadn’tquitebeen5:00a.m.

“Yougonnahelpmewiththesethings?”heaskedGus,carryingtheplasticsheetstotheouterwall

wherehe’dopenedtheshutters.

“Wasn’tplanningonit,no.”

Derekhoistedhimselfuponthewoodencounterthatlinedtheperimeterofthebarandstarted

snappingthetopoftheplasticintoplace.“Toobad.Would’vepaidyouinliquor.”

“Likehellyouwould’ve.Damnteetotaler,”Gusgrumbledashehobbledtowardtheoppositeendof

theopeningandheldtheplasticinplace.

“IfI’mateetotalerthenyou’reasaint.”

“I’lldrinktothat.”

“NotuntilIgetyouyourdrink,youwon’t,”Dereksaid,movingacrosstoGus’ssideandworking

hiswaydowntothebottomsnaps.

“You’reawfulcrotchetytoday,boy.”

“Idon’thaveadate,remember?”

“Maybeyoushouldgetone.”

“Likehell.”

“Isupposeyouthinkthatwouldn’tbeproperbecauseofwhathappenedtoyourgirlfriend.”Gus’s

voicewentsoft,asifhewashesitanttobringupthesubjectofJulie.

“Isupposeyou’regoingtotellmeitwouldbe.”

“Idon’tknowadamnthingaboutwhat’sproperorimproper,butIdosuspectshe’dneverwantyou

topissyourlifeawaybecauseshedied.”

“Youdoneyet?”Derekasked,movingtothenextsetofshuttersandunlockingthem.

“Eh,I’mnotdonetillIquitdrawin’breath.”

“That’swhatIwasafraidof.”

Hisunclehadmadehisslowwayovertothisopeningandcontinuedtohelp.Derekglancedathim

astheoldermanstretchedtoreachthetop.Gus’sarmsshookwithageandexertionandDerek
instantlyfeltlikeanasshole.

“Igotthis,”hesaid.“GositdownandI’llgetyouyourwhiskeyassoonasI’mdone.”

Gusstubbornlycontinuedsnappinghisside,andDerekshruggedandfinishedthebottomofthe

plastic.

Afewminuteslater,GushadhisdrinkandDerekwasbehindthecounterslicinglemons.

“CanIaskyousomethingwithoutyoubitingmyheadoff?”Gusasked.

“I’mnotgoingtobiteyourheadoff.”

“Thewayyou’regoingafterthatfruit…whathappened?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“You’reworsethanascornedhormonalwomantoday.What’sgoingon?”

“Notathing.”

Macey.

Itbotheredhimthatshe’dgoneonadate.Wouldn’thavematteredifitwasthefirefighterorthe

pope.SeeingheroutwithsomeonemadeDerekwanttopunchthings.

Hewasinnopositiontoreactthatway.

Heturnedtothelemonsupplyandslicedtwoofthemvigorously,takingpleasurefromthesoundof

theknifesmackingthecuttingboardandechoingthroughtheemptybar.

Ultimately,though,thelemonsdidn’tmakehimfeelmuchbettersohewipedhishandscleanand

tookouttwoshotglasses.HesetthemonthecounterinfrontofGuswithaclank,thengrabbedthe
top-shelftequilaandfilledthem.

“What’sthisfor?”Gusasked.

Derekleveledalookathim.“Idon’tbelieveinmuchanymore,UncleGus,butIdobelieveinthe

poweroftequila.”

Gusnodded.“I’lldrinktothat.Here’stotheholyagave.HappySunday,boy.”

ThreeshotstooktheedgeoffandbythetimeMaceycameinatnoon,Derekfeltasifhemightbe

abletosetasidehisfeelingsaboutherandherdate.Infact,hewasdeterminedto.

CHAPTERTWELVE

OMETHINGWASUPWITH

Derek.

He’dworkeduntilsixashe’dbeenscheduledtodo,buttheninsteadofleaving,he’dcampedouton

theendstoolwithabottleoftop-shelftequilaandaspecialglasshe’ddugout.Heexplaineditwasfor
tequilasipping,whichwasnewstoMacey,butthenshe’dstayedawayfromtequilaeversinceone
particularlybadnightincollege.

InalltheyearsshehadknownDerek,she’dwitnessedhimdrinkingalcoholplentyoftimes,but

neverwiththesoleintenttogetdrunk.Tonight,hewasdrinkingtogetdrunk.Andhewasprettyclose
toit,ifnotbeyond,bythetimeMacey’sshiftwasoverateight.

“Hey,waste-oid,I’mtakingyoutodinnersoyoucansoberup,”shesaidafterclockingout.

“Don’twannasoberup.”

“Tough.You’retoooldforthiskindofcrap.”

“Noteventwenty-nineyet.”

“Remindyourselfthatinthemorningwhenyou’repayingforit.”

Dereklaughedsloppilyandsheshould’verealizedthenhowfargonehewas.Buthewassittingup

fairlystraightandnotbeingobnoxious.He’dactuallybeenprettyquiet,talkingtoafewpeoplewho
satnexttohimbutnotgettingloudorunrulyatall.

AndiewasclosingwithCharlotte,oneoftheirlatesthires—awomaninherlatefiftieswitha

decidedsmoker ’srasp—soMaceymadesuretheyhadeverythingtheyneededtogetthroughthelast
fewhours.

“Youtakinghimhome?”Andieasked,motioningtowhereDereksat.

“Goingtogethimsomefood.Ifthatdoesn’thelp,I’llthrowhimintheshower.”

“Ifyoureallywanttowakehimup,jumpinwithhim.”

Charlottelaughedhuskily.“Ilikethewaythisgirlthinks.”

“IwouldifIwashalfasnaughtyasyoutwo,”Maceysaid.“I’llseeyouguyslater.”

“GoodluckwithSuperDrunk,”Andietoldher.

“Don’tlethiscutelittletushdrownintheshower,honey,”Charlotteadded.

“Idon’tthinkhe’sthatbadoff.He’llbefine.”Shepickedupherpurseandwentaroundthebarto

Derek.“Comeon.”

“Comeon,what?”

“We’releaving.”

“I’mnotdoneyet.”

“GivethebottletoAndieandshe’llsaveitforyouforlater.I’mtakingyoutodinner.”

“Wecaneathere.”

“Ihaveagallonofbeerspilledonmyshirt.We’regoingtomyplacesoIcanchangeandthen

we’regoingsomewheredifferent.”

“Youlookgoodthewayyouare,”hesaid,andshewishedheweresoberandshereallydidlook

good.

“I’msureIsmellnice,too.Ifyouhaveathingforbreweries.”

Heleanedintoherandsniffedherchest.“Suredo.Freshhops.”

“Derek,”shesaid,tryingtoscoldhim.“Let’sgo.Whereareyourkeys?”

“Keysforwhat?”Hestoodbutmadenomovetohandoveranything.

Maceytookabreathandreachedintothefrontpocketofhisshorts.Shechuckledwhenshefeltthe

dolphinshe’daddedaftertheircruise.

“Oh,baby,”Dereksaidloudly.“Didn’tknowyoufeltthatway.”

“Get’im,honey,”Charlotterasped.

Maceyremovedherhandasquicklyaspossible,aftersnaggingthekeys.Shewouldneverhave

triedthatifhewassober,butnowaywasshelettinghimdrivehistrucknow.

Shealsowasn’tgoingtobeabletoleadhimfaronfoot,sherealizedastheyheadedoutofThe

ShellShack.She’dthoughtmaybetheycouldwalktoherapartment,buthemovedslowly,andifshe
unwoundherarmfromhis,shewasprettysurewalkingstraightwouldbeachoreforhim.

Maceyunlockedthepassengerdoorofhistruck.“Getin.”

Hedidasshesaid,andshewentaroundtothedriver ’sside.

“Startthinkingofaplacetogofordinner.”

Hedidn’trespondandwhenshelookedoverathim,hejustsmiledatherwithalittle-boysmilethat

halfmeltedherheart.

Ittookherafewsecondstoadjustthemirrorsandtomovethedriver ’sseatforwardenoughthat

shecouldreachthepedals.Thankgoodnesstheyweren’tgoingfar.Thisthingwasfourtimesthesize
ofherToyota.

Whilesheparkedatherapartment,Derekjustsatthere.Shegotoutandwentaroundtohissideof

thetrucktoopenhisdoor.“Comeon.Itwon’ttakemelongtochange.Youwanttojumpinthe
showerfirst?”

“No.”Heclimbedoutandtookherhandastheyheadedforthestaircase,asiftheywereonadate

andheweresoberenoughtoleadheranywhere.Insteadofworryingaboutit,shejustenjoyedthefeel
ofhislarge,rough-skinnedhandaroundhersforthefewsecondsitlasted.

Hepausedatthebottomofthestairsandsheconvincedhimtogoupbypromisinghimhecould

restwhileshegotready.

Andthatwasthelastoftheirconversation.

WhenMaceyreturnedtothelivingroomafterchanging,shefoundhimsprawledonthetoo-short

couch.Outcold.Sheshookherheadandcouldn’thelplaughing.Fortunately,hehadn’tbeenan
annoyingdrunk.

Shemadesurehewasbreathing,thenwentoutforfood.Shedrovethroughafast-foodplaceand

gotenoughforbothofthem,knowingDerekwouldbestarvingwhenhewokeup.Toherknowledge,
hehadn’thadanythingtoeatsincelunch.

Backatherapartment,Maceyturnedonthetelevisionandsatonthefloorinfrontofthecouchto

eatherburgerandfries.Hedidn’tstir.

Anhourlater,sheflippedtheTVoff.ShelookedatDerek,who’dbarelymoved.

“Derek.”Shesatontheedgeofthecouchandshookhisarminanattempttorousehim.Maybehe’d

wakeupandfeellikegoingoutforacoupleofhours.“Hey,tequilaboy,wakeup.”

Hegroanedsomethingshecouldn’tunderstandandrolledoverontohisside.

“Areyouhungry?”sheasked,figuringifanythingwouldgethimtostirit’dbefood.“Comeon,

Derek.You’rewastingthewholenight.”

Herolledsohewasfacingher,andopenedhiseyes.“You’rebeautiful,Mace.”

Hepulledhertoliedownnexttohimandshestretchedherlegsoutalongsidehis.Derek’sarm

restedonherwaistandherheartpoundedsoloudlyshewassurehecouldhearit.Then…nothing.He
driftedbacktosleep,breathingheavilyandevenly,smellinglikeabar.

Maceyhaddreamedforyearsofbeingthisclosetohim,butthiswasn’tcuttingit.Callherpicky,

butshepreferredhimtobeconscious.

Sheliftedhisarmfromherwaistbeforeslippingoffthecouch.“Sleepwell,Dare.”Shekissedhis

unmovingheadandretreatedtoherroom.

Itwasearlystill.Shecouldatleastsalvagethenightbygettingsomeworkdone.

EREKOPENEDHISEYES

reluctantly,wonderingwhatwreckingballhe’dgottenintoafightwith.His

pulsethrobbedinhistemplesandthebaseofhisskullfeltasifit’dbeendisconnectedfromtherestof
hisbody.Therewasn’tasingledropofmoistureinhismouthandhehadtochecktomakesurehis
tonguewasstillthere.

Hetooknoteofhissurroundings,wonderingwherethehellhewasandhowhe’dgottenhere.

Macey’sapartment.

Hedidn’tremembergoingtoMacey’s.

Macey’scouch.Damnedifthiswasn’tthemostuncomfortabledamnthinghe’deversleptoninhis

life.Hetriedtostretch,butitwasafoottooshort.Hesatupandputhisfeetonthefloor.Everyinch
ofhisbodyached,someofitpost-exercisepain,whichhewasusedto,butsomeofitpostGod-knew-
what.Whatthehellhadhedone?

Tequila.Thegoodstuff.Orbad,dependingonyourperspective.

Hetriedtomoistenhislips,succeedingonlymarginally.Heneededwater.Neededtosoakinitfor

hours.Ah,aglassofwaterontheendtable.Shewasagoddess.Hedowneditinseconds.

Derekpushedhimselfupandheadedtowardthebathroom—theonlyonewasthroughMacey’s

bedroom.Hopefully,shewasstillasleepandhecouldsneakinandout….

Oh,sweetGodabove.

Macey’sdoorwasopenandshewasn’tsleeping.Shestoodwithherbacktohim,gettingdressed.

Hisfeetfeltmiredinglue,andhestaredasshepulledhersilkysky-bluepantiesupherlegstocover
herperfectlyroundedass.Anymoisturehe’dsummonedintohismouthbeforewasonceagaingone,
andhefelthimselfhardeninstantly.

Hegotaneyefulofherbeautifulbreastsasshepickedupherbrafromthedresser.Thenshespotted

himandcrossedherarmsoverherchest.

“Whoops,”hemuttered,unabletoturnaway.He’dapologize,butthatview…Hewasn’tsorryinthe

least.

ACEYFELTHERBODYHEAT

fromtheinsideoutasDerekstaredather.Andstared.Insteadof

embarrassment,though,desirepumpedthroughherwitheveryheartbeat.Somethingaboutthekeen
interestinhiseyes.Thewayhekeptlookingather.ThewayhisAdam’sappleseemedtogetstuckas
heswallowedhard.

Heshould’veturnedawayandlefttheroomseveralsecondsago,buthehadn’t.Maceybrazenly

droppedherarmstohersidesandgavehimsomethingtolookat.Derek’seyesmethers,then

wanderedbackdownherbody,makingherheartpoundharderfrombothnervousnessandneed.

Herbrainwentonhiatusandsheslowlysteppedtowardhim.Theideaofhispowerfularmsaround

her,now,likethis,becameallconsuming.Whenshewasinchesawayfromhim,shestoppedand
staredup.Hiseyesmethersandburnedaholethroughher.

Shehadtotouchhim.

Timidlyatfirst,shereachedouttohissculptedchest,coveredbyaT-shirt.Hedidn’tmoveaway,

andshecouldn’tstopherselffromsteppingevenclosertohim,runningherhandsoverhispecs,
feelingthehardmusclebeneathherfingers.Shetrailedthemupandoverhisshoulders.

Derekstilldidn’tresist.Helookedreadytodevourher.Shecouldthinkofnothingbutbeing

devouredasshestoodontiptoeandkissedhim.

Hishandswereinstantlyonherwaistandlower,touchinghereverywhere,pullinghercloserstill.

Hisunmistakablearousalpressedintoherabdomenasheletoutasexy,carnalmoan.Histongue
sweptinsidehermouthandtheyexploredeachothergreedily.

Herbreastspressedagainstthebutter-softcottonofhisT-shirt,butshewantedskin.Sheranher

handsunderthebottomhemofhisshirt,raisingitinarushtofeelhisheatdirectlyonherbody.They
partedjustenoughforhertoyanktheshirtoff.

Theglanceshegotathisbarechestwould’vemadeherswallowhertongueifitwasn’talready

occupiedwithhisagain.Hewassobeautiful….Everythingshe’ddreamedofandyetsomuchmore
thansheevercould’veimagined.Righthere,inherarms.Touchingher,wantingher.

Herheadswam.

Derek’shandscreptbeneathherpantiesandshefelttheroughnessofhisfingersalloverher

backside.Herpulsethrobbedwhereherachewascentered.

ItoccurredtoherthatDerekwasn’tintherightmentalstateforthis,butinsteadofpullingaway,she

decidedmaybedistractioncoulddosomethingforhim.Therewasnowayshecouldwalkawayfrom
himnow,anyway.Shefocusedallheraffectionandeverythingshe’deverfeltforhimintoherkisses
andcaresses,hopinghecouldsomehowunderstandhowmuchshecared.

Thensheonceagainlostallcoherentthought.Thismightbetheonlytimeshewaseverthiscloseto

Derek,andsheintendedtoremembereverymillisecondofit,everyinchofhim.

Hishandsslidupward,towardherwaist,andshetriednottobedisappointedthathe’dlefther

pantieson.Fornow.Heworkedhiswayuphersidestoherbreasts.Hepalmedthem,kneadedthem.
Teasedthemuntilshegaspedwiththeneedtohavehiminsideher.

Beforeshecoulddrawafullbreath,hishandshadslippedaroundhertorso,awayfromherbreasts.

Hismannerchanged;shewasn’tsurehow,butshesensedit.Hewrappedhisarmstightlyaroundher
andburiedhisfaceinherhair,holdinghersoclosethatshecouldn’tseehisface,couldn’tkisshim.

Couldonlywonderwhathadchanged.

“Ican’tdothis,Mace.”

Oh.That.

She’dneverneededsomeoneasshedidrightnow.Derek.OnlyDerek.Nowthatshe’dbeenthis

closetohim,shedidn’tknowhowshecouldeversettleforanotherman.

“What’swrong,Dare?”shefinallymanagedtosayinarough,half-therevoice,moreasastalling

tacticthannotknowingwhatwasbotheringhim.Sheknewalltoowell.

Hepulledawayandpeereddownather,butashutterhadclosed,blockingherfromseeinganyreal

emotions.Hewasshuttingheroutonceagain,justlikethat.

“I’mgonnatakeashowerandgetoutofhere.I’msorry,Macey.”

Sorry.Thatwasthelastthingsheeverwantedtohearafterascenelikethat.Sheshouldbetheone

toapologize,butcouldn’tbringherselftosayaword.Instead,sheraisedherchinanotch,noddedand
turnedawayfromhim,asifshewasgoingtogetdressedandgoonwithherlife.

Asif.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

ORONCE

ACEYCOULDN’T

focusonhernonprofitproject,eventhoughshehadtheentire

dayofffromthebar.Shecouldn’tstopthinkingaboutDerek.

Shegrabbedherkeysfromthekitchencounterandheadedoutside.Awalkalongtheshorewasin

order.Thewide-openspaceandthesoundsofthewatertendedtoclearherheadandhelpherput
thingsinperspective.

Shewaswalkingbetweentworesorthotelstogettothebeachwhenshefeltsomethingdamponthe

backofhercalf.Shelookeddownandsawashaggyblack-and-whitedog,apuppy,really,playingtag
withherflip-flop.

“Hey,pooch,whatareyoudoing?”Sheputherhandoutandhelickediteagerly,makingherlaugh.

“Where’syourhome?”

Helookedupatherwithbigpuppy-dogeyesandshecouldswearthedogwassad.Orhungry.

Maybeboth.Shecouldseeeveryoneofhisribsandtherewasnosparemeatonhistummy.“You
hungry?Idon’thaveanythingforyou.”

Hewalkedalongsideher,tailwagging.

“Youneedtogohomeandgetsomedinner.”

Thedogdidnosuchthing,though.Hestayedclosetoherandmatchedherpaceassheanglednorth.

Shekindofenjoyedthecomfortablecompanionship,butsoonfoundherthoughtsheadingrightback
toDerek.

He’dtakenoffthatmorningassoonashe’dfinishedshowering,eventhoughshe’dofferedhim

breakfast—nevermindthatitwasn’tanutritionallysoundbreakfast.Itwasbetterthanwhathe
normallyate,whichconsistedofcoffeeandlittleelse,shewouldbet.

Hehadn’thadtobeatworkforanothertwohours,buthe’drunoff,anyway.Undoubtedlybecause

ofwhathadhappenedbetweenthem.

Rememberinghowherbodyhadreactedtohimwhenitwasn’tsupposedto,evenbeforethey’d

touched,herfaceheated.Herintentionhadbeentobethefriendheneeded.She’dneveractedso
boldlyandwouldnever,everhavethegutstodosoagain.Notafterhisrejection.

Sobacktobeingfriendsandfriendsonly,regardlessoftheirintimacythismorning.She’dgiven

himthechancetodistracthimselffromhisproblems,andhe’drefused.Shewouldhavetofind
anotherwaytohelphim.Backtotheoriginalplan,whateverthatwas.

She’dfailedsofaringettinghimtoopenup,totalkthroughsomeofhisgrief.Nothinghad

changedforhimsinceshe’dbeenhere.Hestillwasn’tdoinganythingbutworkingandexercising
compulsively.Brooding.Beingantisocial.

Gettingdrunkoffhisbutt.

ShewasdowntojustacoupleofweeksleftontheislandbeforesheplannedtoheadbacktoDallas

andreallydigintoherproject.ShehatedtofaceDerek’smomandtellhershe’dbeenright.Macey
hadn’tbeenabletohelphim.

Whichleftherwithalotofworktodoinashorttime.

Beforesherealizedit,shewaswalkingpastTheShellShack.Derekwasworking,sheknew,soshe

avoidedgoingin.Shewasn’treadytofacehim,butshewouldgetoverthatsoon,figureouthowto
salvagehertripandsomehowgetthroughtohim.

Thoughshestayedfarenoughawayfromthebarthatnooneinsidewouldspother,thatdidn’tstop

herfromstrainingtoseewhatDerekwasdoing.Asusual,herheartskippedatthesightofhim.She
wonderedifthatreactionwouldeverstop.

Thedognuzzledherhandasiftoremindhersheshouldkeepmoving,andshereacheddowntopet

him.“Weneedtofindoutifyouhaveahome,”shesaid.Sheturnedaroundandheadedbacktoward
herapartment,andthedogstucktohersideasifthey’dwalkedthebeachtogetherforyears.

“You’reanawesomedog,aren’tyou?”Helickedherhandagain.“You’dbegoodforDerek,”she

saidthoughtfully.Maybeapetwouldbringhimoutofhimself,makehimthinkaboutsomething
besidesthefirethathadkilledJulie.

Itwasworthashot,whetherthisdogwasavailableornot.Maceydecidedshe’dhangsomefliersto

locatethepup’sowner,andifshehadn’theardinafewdays,she’dsethimupwithabrand-new
owner.ThoughDerekwouldn’tinamillionyearsadmitit,thetwoofthem,poochandman,needed
eachother.Ifshecouldn’tmakehimcomeround,maybesomeoneofthecaninepersuasioncould.

HREEDAYSHADPASSED

sinceDerekhadplayedtheidiotbynotdoinganimmediateU-turnoutof

Macey’sroomMondaymorning.Threenever-endingdaysfulloffightingoffthememoryofher
silky,baby-softskin,herhint-of-lilacscent,hercurvesfillinghishandsandfittingagainsthisbody
soperfectly.

Workingwithher,beingonthesameislandasher,madeitallthemoredifficult.Yesterdaythey’d

sharedaneight-hourshiftandDerekhadremainedsemi-arousedtheentiretime.Therewasno
amountoffrigidwaterthatcoulddulltheache.

HeglancedoveratMaceynowasshesmiledatagroupofcustomersandhandedouttheirdrink

order.IfTheShellShacksurvived,she’dbethereason.Shewasanatural.Justwhatthebarneeded,
butthelastthingheneeded.Ifhehadn’tmadeapromisetoGus,Derekwouldbedamntemptedjustto
walkawayfromit,beforehedidsomethingstupid.

LiketouchMaceyagain.

AsDerekdeliveredaburgerandfriestosomeoneattheoutercounter,hisuncleappearedinthe

doorwayonthebeachside.Heshuffledovertohisusualplaceandsituatedhimselfonthestool.

Derekmadehiswaybackbehindthebar.“Iwasstartingtothinkyou’dturnedupyourtoes,”he

said.

“Nosirree,”Gussaidheartily.“Sorrytodisappoint.”

Dereksetafullglassofwhiskeyinfrontofhim.“Don’tgoputtingwordsinmymouth.Somehow

thisplacesurvivedforthreedayswithoutyou,though.”

Gusnoddedbutdidn’tsayanything.Thelookonhisfacewaspurecat-ate-the-canary,andDerek

wonderedwhat’dgottenintotheoldman.

“You’regonnamakemeask,aren’tyou?”Derekrefilledhisownsoftdrink,feelingparchedafter

servingthelunchcrowd,whichhadjustclearedoutfifteenminutesbefore.“Askwhat?”

“Where’veyoubeen?Notlikeyoutomissthreedaysofridingmyass.”

“Youmissedme.”Hisunclealmostseemedtoglow.

“Terribly.Ifyouhadn’tshoweduptodayIwasgoingtodrivetothehometoseewhattheheck

happenedtoyou.”

“Lovehappenedtome,boy.”

Derekraisedhiseyebrowsskepticallyandleanedhiselbowsonthebar,gladforthebreakin

customers.Hecouldn’thelpnoticingwhenMaceywentoutsidetowipedowntables.Hehadtotearhis
eyesawayfromthesubtleswayofherhipsasshewalked.

“Thelmaismakingmeahappyman.”

“Gladtohearit.Youcould’vebroughtheraroundtothebar,youknow.”

“Could’ve.Didn’t.Youdon’tneedme,anyway.Thisplacedoesn’tneedme.”

DerekstudiedGus.“Thisisyourlife,man.HasbeenforaslongasIcanremember.Whatgives?

Youdumpingus?”

Gustookasipofwhiskeyandshookhisheadslowly.“It’stimeformetomoveon.Notfromyou,

ofcourse,butfromthisoldgirl.”Hepattedthecounter.“Youandyourwomanthere…”Hegestured
towardMacey,whowaswipingoffthecounteraroundtheoutsideofthebarnow.“You’vegotit
undercontrol.I’mokaywithmovingon.”

Derekstraightenedandtappedthewoodsurfaceseveraltimes,decidingtoignorethepartabout

“hiswoman.”ItwastruethatwithMaceytheretheyreallydidn’tneedGus’sguidance.Hopefullythe
momentumwouldcarryonwhensheleft,too.Whathequestioned,though,waswhetherhisuncle
wouldbeokaywithoutthebar.“IwishyouthebestwithThelma.I’dstillliketomeether.”

“Youwill,boy.Maybewe’llallgotoafancydinner.”

“Maybewewill.”

MaceycamebackaroundtoDerek’ssideofthebarandbentovertowringouthertowel.Dammit.

Whenshelookedlikethat,wearingshortshortsthathuggedherbottomperfectly,hehadnoprayerof
notrememberingthewayherbodyhadfelttheotherdayinherbedroom.

Guschuckled.“Sothat’showitisthen.”

Dereklookedathim.“What’showitis?”SurelyGuswouldn’topenhisbigmouthwithMaceyso

close.

Hesimplynodded,glancedatMaceyandbackatDerek,andgrinnedliketheorneryoldfarthewas.

“I’montoyou,boy.”

“Nothingtobeonto.”

DerekmightbeobsessedwithMacey’sbody—andwhatred-bloodedmalewouldn’tbe?—buthe

wouldn’tallowhimselftofeelanythingbeyondfriendshipandmaybeatouchofill-advisedlusthere
andthere.

ItwashardertorecalltheimageofJulienow,buthedid.Forcedit.Heneededto.Neededtoremind

himselfthatthewomanhe’dcaredaboutenoughtomarrywasdead,andhewasinnopositionto
thinkofanyoneelse.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

“Y

OUAREGOINGTOLOSEME

myhappyhome.”

Maceytossedanotherdogbiscuittothepup,whoshe’dstartedcallingBurnaby.Unwise,sheknew,

becauseshewasgettingattached.Ifsomeonecalledtoclaimhim…

Butnoonehad.She’dplasteredflierseverywhereandhadyettoreceiveacall.

TodaywasherdayoffandDerekworkeduntilsix.Then,unbeknownsttohim,hewasgoingto

becomeapuppypapa,likeitornot.Maceywashedgingherbetson“not.”

Butshehadfaith.Burnabywouldwinhimover.Hehadto,becauseMaceywasnotsupposedtohave

animalsinherapartmentandshe’dalmostgottencaughtbythelandlordtwice.EvanandClayhad
helpedheroutofonejambyplayingalongwithherstorythatshewasadog-sitterandhadcome
homebecauseofanemergency.They’dletthedogoutperiodicallywhileshewasatworkaswell,on
thedaystheyweren’tatthestation.

“Twentymoreminutesandyougettomeetyournewmaster.”

ShewasuneasyatthethoughtofgoingtoDerek’s.Theyhadn’tbeentogetheroutsideofworksince

Mondaymorning,andofcoursehadn’tdiscussedtheirBigMistake.

Shehadtorefertoitthatwayinhermind,eventhough,ifgiventhechance,shewouldn’ttakeback

anythingshe’ddone.Theonlythingshe’dchangeifshecouldwasthelastbit.Shewantedherhappy
ending,eventhoughitwasn’tgoingtohappen.HavingatasteofDerekwasjustenoughtotortureher
andmakeherwantmore.

“Let’stakeawalkonthebeach,Burn.”

Thedoghurriedovertoher,tailwagging,asifhecouldunderstand.Morelikelyhenoticedthe

leashandknewthatmeantawalk.Hewasasmartpupandshewouldlovetokeephimifshehada
placeforhim.Butshe’dbestayingwithhermominDallastosavemoney,andhermomdidn’tdo
dogs.Shewasallergic,soMaceyhadneverbeenabletohaveapet.

Shebentdownandattachedtheleashtohiscollar,thenmadeafinalstopatthemirrortomakesure

shelookedokay.Ifpressed,she’dhavetoadmitshe’dspenttoomuchtimeselectingheroutfit—a
denimminiskirtandafeminine,peach-coloredcamiwithlacetrim.Casualenough,shehoped,topass
for“justwalkingonthebeach.”Herhairfelldownherback,slightlymessy,butit’donlygetworse
outside.Hercheekshadatingeofpinkfromherlyingoutinthesuntoday,andshe’dputminimaleye
makeupon.Sheappliedclearlipgloss,thenslippedonhersilver-beadedflip-flops.“Let’sgo,puppy.
Offtoyournewhome.”

ThedoglookedupatherwiththoseeagereyesandshehopedlikecrazyDerekwasasaffectedby

themasshewas.Ifherefusedtokeepthedog,shehadnoideawhatshe’ddo.Shehadn’tdaredto

thinkaboutthat,becausefrankly,thiswasherlastideaforhelpingDerek,andheronlyideafor
helpingthedog.

Burnabyledheralongatagoodpace,asifheknewhehadanimportantdate.Beforehittingthe

beach,theystoppedattheislandgrocerystoreandboughtsteaks,potatoes,dogfood,strawberry
cheesecakeandafewseasoningsandkitchenitemsDerekwouldn’thave.Burnabywashardtoresist,
butfoodshouldatleastgettheminthedoorifthedogdidn’tmelthisheartinstantly.Thatwouldgive
MaceytheopportunitytopersuadeDerekheneededapet.

ItwasalmostsevenwhenMaceyandBurnabyarrivedatDerek’scondo.Hernerveswerestrung

tightfortoomanyreasonstocount,butsheledthedogaroundtothedooronthestreetsideand
knocked.He’dpresumablyleftitunlocked,asusual,butshewasn’tabouttobargeinwithadog.

“Hey,”Dereksaidwhenheopenedthedoor.Hishairwaswet,asifhe’djustshowered.Heworea

pairofoldcargoshortsandheldawhiteT-shirtinhishand.“Whatthe…”

“Hi.”Maceyattemptedarelaxedsmile,buthedidn’tnoticeanythingbutthedog.“ThisisBurnaby.”

“Okay.WhyisBurnabyhere?”

“Webroughtdinner.”

Hisattentionswitchedtothegrocerybaginherlefthand.

“Better.What’dyoubring?Idon’tsmellanytake-out.”

“That’sbecausewe’recookingitourselves.Don’tlookatmethatway.”Shewalkedpasthimwith

thedog,hurryingtothekitchentosetthebagdownandgiveherachingarmsabreak.

“Macey,what’supwiththecanine?”Derekcalledafterherasshereachedthecounter.

“Thecaninehasbeenmyhouseguestforafewdays.”

“Youcan’thavedogs.”

“Yep.Didn’tyouseethefliers?”

“Whatfliers?”

Bestnottorevealhercardsyet,shefigured,anddidn’tanswer.

Hejoinedheratthecounterandbeganunloadingthegrocerybag.Hishandscaughtherattention

andsheletherselfrememberthewaytheyhadscorchedherbareskininplacesfewmenhadever
touched.Sheshookherheadandbusiedherselfgoingthroughhiskitchendrawersandcabinets.
“Whereareyourpans?”

“Whatpans?”

“Anypans.Somethingtouseintheoven?”

“Whatoven?”

“This—”Maceylookedathimandrealizedhewasnowgivingherahardtime.“Patheticbachelor.

Forgetthepans.Doesyourgrillwork?”

“Whatgrill?”

Shepunchedhimlightly,decidingasshemadecontactthattouchinghiminanywaywasastupid

idea.Thenshesawthatthistimehewasbeingserious.

“Thegrill.Onyourpatio.”Shewalkedtowardtheslidingdoorandnoddedwhenshespottedit.“I

takeityoudon’tknowifitworks.”

“Youtakeitcorrectly.Nevernoticedit.”

“Whatdoyoueat?”

“Burgers.Shrimp.WhateverIpickupatthebar.WhatamIsupposedtoeat?”

“You’rehavingsteaktonightifyoucanfirethatbabyup.”

Burnaby,whoseleashshe’dletgoof,shookhimselfatthatmomentandscratched,drawingDerek’s

attentionbacktohim.

“What’sthedogeating?”

“Youcouldshareyoursteakwithhim.”

“Don’tholdyourbreath.”

“Youstartingthatgrillyet?”

“I’lltakealookatit.”

“Lookingwon’tcookyourdinner.”

“Mace,thatthing’sancient.I’mnotinthemoodtohaveyourfirefighterbuddieshereonbusiness.”

Sherolledhereyes.Everthefirefighter,alerttodangers.Justprovedheneededtogetbacktothe

careerhe’dbeenborntodo.

HeopenedthedoorandBurnabymadearushforit.DerekgrabbedforhimandMaceyholleredthe

dog’sname—theonehedidn’trecognizeashisyet—butbothwerefutile.Burnabywasontheloose.

“Helikesthebeach,”Maceyexplained,hurryingpastDerek.“Comeon.Weneedtocatchhim.”

Derekambledoutside,hishandsinthepocketsofhisshorts.“You’rekidding.”

“DoIlooklikeI’mkidding?”shecalledbacktohim.“Gogetthedogtreatsoutofthesack.

Burnaby!Comehere,boy!”

Secondslater,Derekjoinedher,openingthepackageofbone-shapedbiscuits.Maceywhistledand

Burnabypausedtolookather,thentookoffinawildsemicircle.

“Thatdogneedssomediscipline,”Dereksaidasheslowlyapproached.

“Alittlepuppytrainingandsomeloveandattentionfromyouwilldothetrick.”

Derekpeeredsuspiciouslyatherthen.“No.Noway.No,noandmoreno,Macey.I’mnottakingthe

dog.”

Oops.Thatwasn’thowshe’dhopedtobringupthesubject.“He’sagooddog,Derek.Exceptwhen

letlooseonthebeach.Burnaby,comehere!”

Thiswasagiantgameforthepuppy,whosprintedtowardthewater,awayfromMacey,thenfroze,

snowyearsatattention,andchangeddirection.Shemadeanotherrunforhim,hopingtocatchup
withhimandgrabhiscollar,buthehadotherideas.

Itdidn’ttakelongforhertogetcompletelywindedandfrustrated.Shebentover,bracingher

weightonherknees,gaspingforair.

Inthedistance,Dereksquatteddown,crinkledtheplasticofthetreatpackageandspokeinanormal

voicetoBurnaby.Ha.Asifthatwould…

ThetraitortrottedovertoDerek,stumpylittletailwagging,andgobbledthetreatfromhishand.

DerektookholdofhiscollarashekneltnexttoBurnaby,whopromptlylickedhisface.Macey
couldn’thelplaughing.

“Yourdogseriouslylacksmanners,”Derekcalled.

“Notmydog.He’syours.”

“Idon’twantadog.”

“Hewantsyou.”

BurnabywasgoingafterthebagthatDereknowheldoverhishead.Histailwhippedbackandforth

andhejumpeduponDerek’sleg.

“Patience,mutt.I’llgiveyouanothertreat.One.Firstyouhavetogobackinside.”

Maceyjoggeduptothem.“See?You’reanatural.”

“Nottakingthedog.”

Shedidn’tspeakuntiltheyweresafelyinsidewiththedoorclosedagain.“Idon’tknowwhatelseto

dowithhim,”shefinallysaidquietly.“Ican’tkeephim.”

“You’llonlybeinyourapartmentforalittlelonger.Youcantakehimwithyou.”

“Nottomymom’s.”

Henodded,asifnowrememberingthewholeallergything.“I’llcheckoutthegrillifyouholdthe

monsterback.”

Shecalledthedogandofferedhimonemoretreatwhenhefinallysatinfrontofher.“Good

puppy.”

Derekslippedoutside,shuttingthedoorquickly.

“Derek’snicerthanheseems,”shetoldthedog.“Justwait.He’llfallinlovewithyouandgiveyou

lotsofdogbiscuits.”

Burnaby’stailspedupagainlikeapendulumonspeed.

“HopeyouhaveaplanB,”Dereksaidashecamebackin.“Thatgrillisaseriousfirehazard.Ineed

totrashitcompletely.”

Sheknewbetterthantoargue.Insteadsheheadedbacktothekitchenandpulledoutthefoilshe’d

brought.“I’llfiguresomethingout.”Themeatwouldeventuallycook,shehoped.Potatoes,too.“We
couldhavedessertfirst.”

Theglimmerthatflashedinhiseyesmadeherrealizehermistakeinwordchoice.“Imean…I

broughtstrawberrycheesecake.It’sreadytogo.Themaincoursemighttakeawhile.”

“Icanwaitforthemeat.”

Shecutherbrainofffromanypunsthatbroughttomind.“Youwouldn’tmakemeletBurnabygo,

wouldyou?Theshelter ’sovercrowdedandhewouldn’tstandachance.”

“Mace,I’mbarelyabletotakecareofmyself.HowdoyouthinkI’mgoingtodowithamutt

dependingonme?”

“Stepuptothechallenge?Maybebedrawnoutofthis…nonexistenceyou’vecreatedforyourself?”

“My‘nonexistence’suitsmejustfine,thanks.”

Shehadthemeatspreadoutonthebroilerpanshe’dfinallylocatedintheovendrawer,andwas

sprinklingseasoningsonit.“Slicetheseupforus,please?”Shesetthepotatoesshe’djustwashedin
frontofhim.“YoucanlookatkeepingBurnabyasafavortome,then,ifthatmakesitmore
appealing.”

“I’mnotinfavormode.I’msorry,Macey.Youofallpeopleknowthat.”

“Lookatthatdog’seyesandtellmeyoucanforcehimoutonthestreet.”

Heseemedabouttoarguesomemorebutthenpausedasiflisteningtosomething.Macey

automaticallyglancedatBurnabytomakesurehewasn’tchewingonthefurniture,ashewaswontto
do.Theromponthebeachmust’vewornhimout,though;hewassprawledonthebeat-upcouch,
soundasleep.

SherealizedwhatDerekheardjustashemadehiswaydownthehallandopenedthedoorontothe

street.Thesirenofafiretruckblaredinthedistance,growinglouderasitneared.Itsoundedasifit
wascomingdirectlydowntheirstreet.MaceywalkedupbehindDerektowatch.Hedidn’tevennotice
her—hewasintentonthebigredrigpassingby.

Shestudiedhisfaceinsteadofthetruck,andforasplitsecondsawmorethanhewouldeverwant

hertosee,shewassure.Longing.

Shetriedtofindsomethingtosaybutwasataloss.Didn’twanttoscrewitup.Thiswastoo

important.Instead,shereturnedtothekitchenandgavehimsomespace.Sheheardthedoorshut
softlyandcouldtellbythesilencethathe’dgoneoutside.Shewonderedifhewasgoingtofollowthe
truck.Atleasthe’drememberedhisnewescape-artistroommateandhadn’tleftthedoorwideopen.

Lessthanfiveminuteshadpassedwhenhecamebackinside.HetookhisplacenexttoMaceyand

startedmethodicallyslicingthepotatoes,theclickoftheknifeonthecuttingboardemphasizingthe
lackofconversation.

“Youcan’tavoiditforever,Dare,”shefinallysaidafterstickingthemeatintheoven.

“Thedog?Pushingmeisn’tgoingto—”

“Notthedog.”Shehoistedherselfupontothecounternexttohim.“Thefire.”

Therewentthatshutteroverhisexpression.Itwassubtleandyetsoveryplaintoseethatshewanted

toshakehim.

“Ifyou’dtalktomeaboutit,maybeI’dleaveyoualone.”

“Don’twanttotalkaboutit.”

“Itdoesn’ttakeashrinktoseeyou’reallkindsofmessedup.Understandably.Iwanttohelpyou,

Derek,insomelittleway.Anyway.”

Hekeptcutting,notlookingather,notspeaking,justslicingawayinaslightlyfreakyevenrhythm.

Thenhesettheknifedownonthecounter,ranbothhandsoverhisfaceandwalkedaway.Fantastic.

Nowwhat?

Shefollowedhimintothesparebedroom-turned-workoutroom,wherehewasalreadylyingdown

tobenchsomeweights.Sheparkedherselfonastill-packedmovingboxagainstthewallandwatched

himdoseven,eight,ninereps.Hekeptgoingandshecountedsilently,waiting.Forwhat,shewasn’t
sure.Hewouldn’tspeak,andshewasn’tsurewhattosay,butshewasnotgoingtoletthispassby.
She’dbeencareful—respectful—sinceshe’darrivedontheisland,anditwastimetopush.She
crossedherlegsattheanklesandleanedonthewall,watchinghisbicepsflexunderneaththesleeves
ofhisUnderdogT-shirt,fightingtoremainindifferenttothatbody.

Attwentyreps,hestoppedandlaythere,catchinghisbreath.Hestaredattheceilingasshestaredat

him,wishingshecouldwillhimtospeak.

“Youwanttogoback,don’tyou?Tofirefighting?”shesaidquietlyintotheheavysilence.

Hehesitated.Shookhisheadminutely.“Can’tdoit.”

“Igetthat.You’vesaidthat.WhatIaskedwasifyouwantto.Isawitonyourfacewhenthetruck

wentby,Derek.”

“WhatI’mtryingtotellyou,andyou’rerefusingtohear,isthatitdoesn’tmatterifIhavearandom

urgetogobacktoit.God,ifIcouldgobacktoayearago,Iwouldinaheartbeat.”

“Yeah.Iknowsomeofwhatthatfeelslike.Experienceditwhenmydaddied.Againwhenmymom

wassosick.Itsucks.”

Shewasn’tsurewhatsheexpected,butitwasn’twhatshegot.Heshookhisheadagain,subtlyat

first,thenhesatupandshookitwithsomuchconvictionshestraightened,alarmed.

“No.Youcan’tknowwhatitfeelslike.Youcan’tbegintoimaginehowitistoberesponsiblefor

thedeathofsomeoneyouweresupposedtolove.”

Macey’smouthgapedopen.“I—”

“Don’t.Don’ttrytotellmeyouhaveanyideawhatit’slike.”

HewasblaminghimselffornotsavingJulieandBilly.Un-be-lievable.

Ormaybenot.

AsthesecondstickedbyandMaceythoughtaboutit,itwasn’tsuchashock,afterall.Shewasan

idiotnottosuspectitorconsideritbeforenow.He’dworkedthefire.JulieandBillyhaddied.He’d
beenrightthereandnotbeenabletodoanythingtohelpthem.

Whyhadn’tMaceyseenit?Sheclosedhereyesagainsttears.

“Thebuildingcollapsed,Derek.”Oneofthefewdetailsfromthefirethatsheknew.Sheswallowed.

“Thathappensduringfires.”

Derekgotupandwalkedoutoftheroom.

Shesatthereforagoodtenminutes,wonderinghowintheworldtomakehimseethisobjectively.

Itwouldn’tgetridofhisgrief—nothingeverwould—butalleviatinghisunwarrantedguiltcouldonly
beapositivestep.

Theshowerinthemasterbedroomturnedon.Sherushedout,rememberingthesteakswerestillin

theoven.Readytobeturnedover,attheveryleast.Maybecharredbeyondrecognition.Shehadno
earthlyideahowmuchtimehadpassedwhiletheywereintheotherroom.

Theyweresalvageable,whethersheandDerekwouldhaveappetitesornot.Maceyflippedthem

overanddistractedlyaddedthepanofpotatoestotheupperrackoftheoven.

WhenDerekwalkedintothekitchenafewminuteslater,Maceywatchedfromthecouch,sitting

nexttoBurnaby,whohadn’tstirred.Dereksurprisedherbycomingallthewayintothelivingroom
andsittingdownonthefloor.Heleanedagainstthecouchinfrontofthedog,proppedhiselbowson
hiskneesandcoveredhiseyeswithhispalms.

Shetookitasagoodsignthatshehadn’thadtochasehimdown.Itwasallshecoulddo,though,to

waitforhimtosaysomething.Hehadtobegin.ShestrokedBurnaby’sfuroverandovertodistract
herselffromallthequestionsshewantedtoask,thethingsshewasdyingtosay.Finally,Derek
uncoveredhisfaceandstaredstraightahead.

“Itwasafour-alarmfire.Wewerethesecondteamin.Juliewasn’tsupposedtobeworkingthatday,

sowhenIrealizedtheshopsheworkedinwasinvolved,Ikeptittogether,thankingGodshewaswith
herfamilyandnowherenearthefire.”Hisvoicewasgravelly,fullofrawemotion.

“Thefirehadstartedintheshopnexttohers,soweweresentintheretohelpEngine17putitout.

Weranadrytwo-and-a-halfhoselineuptherebecausetherewassomuchfireandsmokeshowing.I
wasonthenozzle.Placewassofullofsmokewecouldn’tseeathing,butwemadeourwaytothe
secondfloor.”

Heexhaledhard,asifthiswastakingatollonhimphysically,thenranhishandsthroughhishair.

“We’dnosoonergottenintopositionthanflamesstartedtorollacrosstheceiling.AaronMaloney

waswithme,haulinghose.Iradioedthepumpoperatortochargethelinewithwater,andthenthe
nextsecondthewholethingflashedover.”

Macey’spulseracedassheimaginedDerekinsuchdanger.He’dexplainedtoherinthepastthat

sometimestherapidbuildupofheatinafirecausedeverythingcombustibleinaroomto
spontaneouslyignite,spreadingthefireinstantly—aflashover—oftentrappingthefirefightersinside
aroomentirelyfilledwithflames.

“Wehadtogetthehelloutofthere.Theflamesmadeitbrighterthanthesunandjustashot,butthe

smokewassothickitwasstillnearlyimpossibletoseeourway.Wefollowedthehoselinetothe
staircasewe’dcomeup,anddiveddownit.Itallhappenedwithinseconds.”

“Youdiveddownstairs?”Maceyasked,herheartpounding.

“Wehadnochoice.Aarontookaprettyhardfall,crackedsomeribsandbrokehisarm,buthe

softenedmylanding.ThefireseemedtofollowusdownandIluggedhimalong,tryingtofindaback
exit,becausetheentirefrontofthebuildingseemedtobeinvolvednow.”

Maceycreptontothefloornexttohim,foldedherlegsbeneathherandproppedonearmonthe

couchsoshefacedDerek’sside.Hedidn’tmoveorappeartonoticethatshehad.

“Neverdidfindabackdoor,soIpassedhimoutawindowtoabystanderandclimbedoutafterhim.

Carryinghimcausedhimexcruciatingpain,soIlefthimwiththecivilianandwenttofindaway
aroundtothefronttogetanEMTthere.I’dlostmyportableradioinside.”

Burnabystoodandshook,makinghiscollarjingle.Heturnedaroundonthecouchacoupletimes,

laybackdown,andDerekcontinued.

“Thosebuildingswerebuiltaboutthreefeetapart,whichiswhythefireconsumedsomanyof

them.Itjustjumpedfromonetothenext.Ihadtorunuptotheendoftheblocktogetaround.Ididn’t
knowitthenbutthey’dcalledintwomorecompaniesaftermine.Atthatpoint,myfirstconcernwas
forAaron,gettinghimsomehelp.”

“TheEMTswereallontheotherside?”

Dereknoddedabsently.“We’dbeentoldwhenwearrivedthatmostofthebusinesseswereclosedon

Sunday.Noonewasawareofanyoneinside.Residentsofthetopfloorofthebuildingtothenorthhad
beentheonestocallinthealarm,andhadgottenoutsafelylongago.Theotherbuildingsdidn’thave
residentialunits.Allcommercial.

“WhileI’dbeeninside,though,theinitialreporthadchanged.Thereweretwocarsintheparking

lot,inspacesemployeesofthedifferentbusinessesusuallyused.They’dsentsomeguysintosearch
thebuildingsthathadn’tbeenburningwhenwe’darrived.”

Hisfacetightenedandshesawhimswallowhard.Maceysatupstraighter.

“WhenIgotaroundtothebattalionchiefincharge,IcouldseethefirehadjumpedsouthtoJulie’s

buildingandtheonenexttoit.Iheardaboutthetwocars,andwhentheysaidonewasasilverCamry
mykneesnearlybuckled.”

“Julie’s?”Maceyaskedquietly,knowingtheanswerfromDerek’sagony.

“ChiefValenciahadBillyontheradio.HeandCarloshadfoundtwopeopleinthebasementof

Julie’sshop.Bothblondefemales,bothunconscious.Carloshadjusttakenoneoutabackwindow—
apparentlyflamesblockedthewaytothedoor—andBillywascarryingtheotherwoman,afewfeet
behindCarlos.Itookoffrunning,tryingtofindashortcuttothem,assoonasIheard.”

Heleanedhisheadbackonthecouch,sohestaredattheceiling—orwouldhave,ifhiseyeshad

beenopen.Maceycouldtellhewasstrugglingtokeephiscomposure.Griefpulledathisfeaturesand
shewonderedifhewasevenbreathing.

Shereachedouttohimbutstoppedshort,herhandhoveringabovehisarmasshehesitated.She

drewitbackwithoutmakingcontact,andwaitedforhimtocontinuewiththemosthorriblepart.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

“S

IXTYMORESECONDS

andtheycould’vemadeit,”Dereksaid,hisvoicegruffwithsadness.

“Carlosgottheotherwomanout.I’dhadtogoaroundthelongwaytogetbackthereandtrytohelp.I
wastwentyyardsawaywhenthebuildingwentdown.Justcollapsed,boththemainandsecondstories
fallingintothebasementbeforemyeyes.”

Maceysqueezedhisforearm,thentookhishandinhers.Hesurprisedherbytighteninghisgrasp

insteadofpullingaway.

“Ittookforevertoreachthem.Firstwehadtogetthefireundercontrol,thendigthroughfeetof

debris.ChiefValenciatriedtomakemeleaveseveraltimes.Dideverythingshortofshovingmein
thetruckanddrivingmeawayhimself.ButIcouldn’tleaveher,evenoncehopefortheirsurvivalwas
gone.Therewasnowaytheycould’vemadeit.Nopocketsofair,nowaytheyhadn’tbeencrushed
undertheweightofthetwostories.”

Maceyscootedcloserandrestedherheadonhisshoulder,herchesttight.

Thetimerontheancientovenstartedbeeping,thetinny,shrillsounddraggingherbacktothe

presentmoment.Shecouldn’timagineeatingnow.“Bebackinasec.”

Shegotupandmethodically,numblypulledthesteakandpotatoesout,payingnoheedtowhether

theyweredoneornot.Tearsblindedherandshecouldn’tcarelessaboutthestateofthefood.After
twistingtheovendialtoOff,sherejoinedDerek,whohadn’tmovedamuscle.

Shedidn’thesitatetosliderightupnexttohimandweavetheirhandstogetheragain.Hedidn’t

acknowledgeher,butthatwasokay.Minutespassedwithoutthemspeaking.

“Dare?”shefinallysaidsoftly.“Howdoyouthinkyoucould’vestoppedthebuildingfromfalling

onthem?”

Hestaredstraightahead,dully,almostcatatonically.

“Imeanit,”shecontinued.“Firefightersaresomeofthebiggest,bravestheroesoutthere.Yourun

intoburningbuildingswhileeveryoneelseisrunningout.Yousavelives,saveproperty….But
you’renotGod.Youcan’tstopabuildingfromfallingdownafterfirehasrippedthroughit.Can
you?”

Shesawhimstruggletoswallowagain.Hiseyesdartedaroundtheroom,stillavoidingher.

“Derek?Youcan’t.Admitthat.”

Hiseyesshutandheshookhishead.

“Sothenherdeathcouldn’tbeyourfault.Itwasjusthorrible,awfulluckthatsheandBillywerein

thatbasement.”

Hedidn’thesitateinhisanswer,asifhe’dalreadyaskedhimselfthisquestionandhadformulated

theansweringreatdetail.“IfI’dfiguredoutwhatwashappeningjustfeetawayfromme—literally
maybefiftyfeet—whenIhauledAaronoutofthefirstbuilding,Icould’vegottenintheretoher.
Could’vegotheroutbeforethebuildingcamedown.Maybeevenbeforeshelostconsciousness.”

“YouweregettinghelpforAaron.”

“Ishould’veknown.Youalwayshavetoexpecttheunexpectedwhenyou’reworkingafire.That’s

rulenumberone.Icould’veguessedthefirewouldmovesouth.”

“You’dbeentoldtherewerenopeopleinside.Youweresavingtheonepersonyouknewhadbeen

injured.Whatcouldyouhavedone,ignoreAaronandrunoffontheslimchanceyourinfohadbeen
wrong?That’snotevenlogical.”

“Ifailedher.That’sallthereistoit.”

“It’snot.”Maceykepthervoicedownwhenshewantedtoscreamathim.“Idon’tcarehowgood

youareatyourjob,Dare.You’restilljustoneman.Onemanwhomadethebestdecisionsyoucould
basedontheinformationyou’dbeengiven.Untilyoudevelopsomekindofsuperpowers,I’mpretty
surethat’sallanyonecanaskofthemselves.”

“That’snotenough.”

“Ithastobe.Therewasnothingelseyoucould’vedone.Derek,youlovedher.Ifyoucouldhave

doneanythingelse,youwouldhave.IknowthatassureasIneedtotakemynextbreath.”

Heloweredhisheadtohishands,defeated.Tiredandhopeless.

Darknesshadfallenatsomepointandtheonlyilluminationcamefromasecuritylightoutsidethat

shoneinthroughthesidewindow.Theairconditionerwasrunningandtheusualdinofthewaves
seemedadistant,vaguesoundintheclosed-upcondo.

Maceystoodslowly,feelingasifshe’dbeendraggedalongabumpytrackbyafreighttrain.She

stretchedtogetsomebloodflowing.Burnabystirredagain,jumpingdowntositatherfeet,tail
wagging.

“Ineedtotakehimout.Wanttocomewith?”sheasked.

Derekshookhishead.

“I’llmakeitquick.”

“Takeyourtime.Youcan’tfixmyproblems,Mace.”

Sheknewthat,butshecouldbetherewithhim,andthatwassomething.

TheleashwasstillattachedtoBurn’scollarsoshepickeditupandfollowedtheexciteddogtothe

door.Sheheldontightlyassheopenedit,inhalingthefreshseaairastheysteppedoutside.

Burnabydidhisdutyquickly,thenwantedtorun.Maceywasbarefootsoshekepttothesofterdry

sandandjoggedalongwiththedogforashortdistanceupthebeach.Thetemperaturehaddropped
abouttwentydegreessincetheheatofthedayandactuallyfeltgood.Almostcool.Theexhilaration
fromrunningwithBurnabygaveMaceyasecondwindtogobackintoDerekanddowhat,if
anything,shecouldforhim.

Shetookareluctantdoginsidewithherandturnedonthedimlightoverthestovetosearchforthe

minibagofdogfoodshe’dbrought.Shefoundtwooldbowls—actually,allofthemwereancient—in
thecabinetandputdownfoodandwaterforBurnaby.Derekstillsatinthesameplaceintheliving
roomanddidn’tsayaword.Hiseyeswereclosedbutshedidn’tthinkhewasasleep.Helookedtoo
stiffanduncomfortabletohavedriftedoff.

Sheputthesteaksandpotatoesintherefrigeratorfortomorrowandgatheredacoupleofpillows

andblanketsfromthebedroom.Onthewaybacktothelivingroom,sheturnedoutthestovelight.
Burnabywasstillgoingathisdinner,famishedfromalltheexercisehe’dgotten.Maceydroppedthe
pileofbeddingonthefloornearDerek.

“Whatareyoudoing?”heasked,comingoutofhistrance.

Shewentbacktotheslidingdoor,openedtheglasspartandclosedthescreen,testingittomake

sureitwouldstanduptoadetermineddog.Shelefttheglasspanelopenabouthalfafoot—just
enoughtoletinthefreshnightairandthemeditativesoundofthewaves.

ShespreadDerek’scomforteronthefloor.“Mightaswellgetcomfortable,”shetoldhim,adjusting

apillowatoneendofthemakeshiftbed.Theothersheputonthecouch,alongwiththesecond
blanket.“Youcanstretchoutuphere.”

“Thatcouchisn’tsuitableforsleepingorevennotsleeping.GotmorelumpsthantheRocky

Mountains.”

“Thenlieonthefloor,”Maceysaid,takingthecouchherself.Itwasaboutteno’clock,andshewas

beat.

Derekdidstretchoutonthefloor,onhisback,buteveninthedimlightshecouldtellhewasn’t

goingtolethimselfwinddown.“Whydon’tyougohome?”heaskedherafterafewminutesoftense
silence.“Idon’tneedababysitter.”

“Sorry.Notleavingyourightnow.Besides,I’mtootiredtomove.You’lljusthavetodealwith

me.”

Shetriedtogetcomfortable,butnomatterwhichwaysheturned,oneofthecouch’slumpspressed

stubbornlyintoatenderpartofherbody.Afterafewmoreminutes,shesatup.“Moveover.”

Derekobeyed,proofofhowoutofsortshewas,sincehe’dneverreallybeentheobeyingtype.She

consideredorderinghimtorolloverandlethermassagehimagain,butsheflashedbacktothelast
timeshe’dtriedthat,anddecidedtouchinghimsomuchwouldn’tbewise.Notasrun-downand

exhaustedastheybothwere.Shewouldn’thavemuchwillpowertokeepitfriendly,anditwasrisky
enoughtosettlejustafootawayfromhim.

Shecouldn’tconcentrateonherownfeelingsrightnow,orherwishesanddesiresthatalways

seemedtoincludethismanlyingsoclosetoher.TonightwasallaboutDerekanddoingwhathe
needed,beingwhatheneeded.Ifthatwassomeonewhowasjustclosetohim,whokeptquiet,then
that’swhatshe’dbe.

Theybothlaytherewithouttalkingforalongtime.Shewonderedifhe’dfallenasleep,butthere

wasnoeven,relaxedbreathing.Sheflippedontoherside,hopingtogetmorecomfortable.Thefloor
wasn’tmuchbetterthanthewretchedcouchoflumps.

“Youstillawake?”Derekwhispered.

“Yeah.What’sup?”

HeturnedonhissidetowardherandMaceywrappedherblanketsnuglyaroundherself,arms

tuckedin,forprotection—fromhim,sure,butalsofromherself.

“Whatbothersmethemostisimaginingwhatmust’vegonethroughhermindbeforeshedied,”he

saidafteranotherfewminutesofsilence.“SheknewIwasondutythatday.Iwonderifshewas
waitingformetogetthere,foroneofustosaveher.Iwonderiftherewasever…amoment,a
thoughtthatflashedthroughhermind,wheresherealizedI’dletherdown.”

Thatwasit.Macey’sdefenseswentdownandshethrewherarmsaroundhim.“Oh,jeez,Derek.No.

Sheneverthoughtthat.Youabsolutelydidn’tletherdown.”

HewrappedhisarmaroundMaceyandheldon.

EREKWOKEUP

justbeforedawn,judgingbythebluish-graytintofthesky.Maceywascurledup

againsthim,herbacktohim,andhisarmwasstillaroundher.Thathehadn’tsleptthiswell,this
contentedly,inagesshouldbegoodnews,butitworriedhimbeforehewasawakeenoughtofigure
outwhy.

Hisfirstfullycoherentthoughtwascompletelyinappropriateandmadehimharderthanhell.He

realizedhewaspressedfirmlyagainstMacey’ssoft,perfectass.Scratchthatpartaboutcontentment—
holdingherallnightwashell.Wakingupsoclosetoher,torture.

Hecarefullyunwoundhimself,attemptingnottowakeherup.Heneededtogetfarawayfast,

beforehedidsomethinghewouldregret.

Thathecouldeventhinkofsexwasactuallybignews.Thepastweekortwowasthefirsttime

there’dbeenanysignoflifebelowhisbeltsincethefire.He’dwonderedifhe’dgonehalf-dead
himself.Maybeoneofthesedayshe’ddosomethingabouthisphysicalneeds,butnotwithMacey.She
wasn’taone-night-standkindofgirl,andthat’sallhe’dbeabletomanage.Therewasnowayhewas
goingtoinvolvehimselfinanythingthatrequiredemotionsorfollow-up.

Hetriedtorollawaybutwasstoppedbyaweightagainsthislegs.Whatthe…?The“weight”shook

asitscratcheditself,andDerekshooedBurnabyoutofthewayasquietlyaspossible.Whenhestood,
thedogstood.Oh,happyday,thepuplikelyneededtogooutsidetotakealeak.

Derekstretchedhisarmsoverhishead,againwonderingathowsoundlyhe’dslept.Hehada

sneakingsuspicionthatthecausestilllaythereslumbering,oblivious.

Obliviouswasgood.

TherewasnowaytodenythathewasattractedtoMacey.Eversinceshe’dbeenbackfromAsia,

he’dseenherinadifferentlight.She’dblossomedfrombeinglikealittlesisterintoaverysexy
womanhecouldn’tignore.

Buthehadeveryintentionoftrying.

Hemadehiswaytothepartiallyopensliding-glassdoorandwasabouttohithisthightosummon

thedog,buttherewasnoneed.Burnabygallopedovertohim,tailgoingninetymilesanhour.Derek
wishedhecouldgetsoexcitedaboutanything.

Maceyhadtossedtheleashbythedoor,sohebentdownandfastenedittothedog’scollar.

Burnabysurgedforwardassoonasthescreendoorwasopen,andDerekheldtightlytohisleash.

Someoneneededtoteachthisdogwhowasincharge.

Theyweresoonheadingnorthonthebeach,thedogtryingtobeintheleaduntilhe’dfind

something—varioussomethings—interestingenoughtosniffat.

“Youneedobedienceschool,dog.”

ThatcausedanothercouplewagsofthetailandDerek’slipscurvedupwardinspiteofhimself.He

reacheddownandscratchedBurnaby’shead.

TheyspentafewmoreminuteswiththedograringtogoandDerektryingtoholdhimbackbefore

hedecidedwhattheheck.

“Youwannarun,boy?We’llrun.”

HestartedjoggingandBurnabybarkedonce.Theypickeditupintoanearsprintandwentfor

severalminutes,poundingthesandsidebyside.

Bythetimetheystopped,theywereattheedgeofthedevelopedpartofthebeach.Walkinganother

quarterofamileputthemtechnicallyoutofthecitylimitsandintoacoastalareaprotectedfrom
development,coveredbywindsweptdunesandpatchesofseagrass.Broadbandsofpinksand
orangesspreadacrossthedawnskyandtheuntouchedshorestretchedoutformilesaheadofthem.
Never-endingwavesandaninvigoratingbreezeweretheironlycompanionsouthere.

Derekhadneverventuredupthisfar.Theonlyplacehewentbesidesthebarwashisrunningroute,

acircuitofafewblocks.Sameeverytime.He’dbeenmissingout.

HeandBurnabysettledontopofoneofthedunesandstaredoutatthepeacefulgulf,bothbreathing

heavily.Derekletgooftheleashandthedogremainedbyhissideincomfortablecompanionship.

Derekwouldn’thaveappreciatedthescenerybeforenow,hesuspected.Somethingwasdifferent

today.Ifhe’dknownsleepingonthefloorwastheanswer,hewould’vecrawledoutofhischairlong
ago.Toobadthefloorwasn’ttherealreasonforhisrestedstate.

ItcouldonlybeMacey.Hewouldneveradmitittoher,butvoicingwhathadhappenedduringthe

firehadcausedastrangekindofcatharticrelease,painfulasithadbeen.Beforelastnighthe’dnever
toldasoulwhathadhappened.

Yeah,talkinghadbeenimportant,butevenmoresowasMacey.Shewassounselfish.Sodamn

caringbynature.Hedidn’tdeserveanythingfromherandcouldonlyhopetosomeday,somehow
repayherforeverythingshedidforhim.

Hecaredabouther.Toomuch.She’ddefinitelychangedinAsia,grownupinsideandout.Since

she’dbeenontheisland,he’dbeendrawntoherphysically.Shewasalluringenoughthateveninhis
griefandguilthecouldn’thelpbuttakenotice.Itseemedtheattractionwasn’tentirelyone-sided,
either,basedonthetwotimesthey’dkissed.Butthatwasasfarasitcouldgo.Hewastooafraidof
hurtingher,evenifthesehadbeennormaltimesandhewasn’tconsumedbythetragedyoflosing
Julie.Maceydeservedagoodman,andthatwasn’thim.Notanymore.

Helaybackonthesand,supportinghisheadwithhisarms,andtookinthelighteningskyandthe

splotchesofcumuluscloudsfloatingoverhead.

Maceywasrightaboutonething.Itwastimetostartfindinghiswaybacktolife.Heneededtodoit

onhisownandleaveheroutofit,though.

BurnabysighedandloweredhischintoDerek’sthigh.

“YouandIjustmightdoallrighttogether,dog.”

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

ACEYOPENEDONEEYE

toremindherselfwhereshewas,ashadbecomeahabit.The

mustard-yellowcouchoflumpsloomedoverheranditallcameback.Derekfinallyopeningup,
trustingherenoughtotalkaboutJulieandthefire.Sleepingwithhisarmaroundher,nestlingagainst
herallnight.Sheshiveredincontentmentandsatisfaction,smilingeventhoughshewasstillhalfout
ofit.

Atlonglastthey’dmadesomeprogress.Mereweeksagoshecouldn’tevengethimtoagreetolet

herstayinthesamecondoashim,andlastnighthe’dsleptwithherallnight.Onthefloor.Sherubbed
hertenderleftshoulder.Comfortcertainlyhadn’tbeenwhathadkepthimhere.

Inhernot-quite-awakestate,sheallowedherselftoimaginetherewassomethingmorebetween

them.

She’dbeenhyperawarethroughoutthenightofhisarmdrapedoverher.Theheatofhimalongher

back.Just…him.Soclosetoher.

Asshebecamemorealert,thestillnessofthecondoregisteredinherbrain.Derekwasn’there.

Maybehe’dgonetogetbreakfastforthem.

Somethingseemedoffasthesilencedraggedon,anditfinallyhitherthatBurnabywasgone,too.

Hopefully,Derekhadtakenhimforawalk.Anothersmilecurvedherlips.Itappearedthepuppywas
makingprogress.Weakeninghim.Andshehopedshewasdoingthesame.

Shesprangupfromthemakeshiftbedwithmoreoptimismandenergythanshe’dhadforages.

Aftersearchingalloverforsomethingtotiehertangledhairwith,sherememberedshehadaclipin
herpurse,andputittouse.Thenshewentintothekitchenandstartedcleaningupthemessfromher
wastedcookingadventure.

Thecondowasn’tmessy,really,beyondDerek’sbedroom,butshecouldtellhehadn’tspentmuch

timetakingcareofit.Athicklayerofdustcoveredeverysurface.Usingadamptowel,shegotridof
it.

Shelocatedanancientvacuumcleanerinthehallclosetandranitoverthefloorofthecarpeted

rooms.Assheworked,shefoundherselfperiodicallycheckingouttheslidingdoortoseeifDerek
andBurnabywereontheirwayin.

Bythetimesheheardthedooropen,she’dscrubbeddownthecountersandtilefloors,shinedthe

mirrorsandfixtures,andwasworkingonthemasterbathroom.

Burnabyreachedherfirst,athighspeed,ofcourse.Sherubbedthesidesofhisfaceandbaby-talked

tohim,lettinghimlandacoupleoflicksonhercheek,whichmadeherlaugh.

MaceyexpectedDerektofollowthedogintofindher,buthedidn’tappear.Sheheadedtothe

kitchen.Whenshesawhim,herheartfluttered.

Hestoodinthedoorway,hisbacktoher,lookingoutatthesparklinggulf.He’dtakenhisshirtoff

andhelditinonehand,acanofpopinhisother.Heapparentlyhadn’theardherbehindhim.She
couldn’thelpgapingathisbodylikeagroupie,admiringhismuscledarms,hiswideshoulders,that
powerfulback.Hisskinshonewithmoistureandhewasbreathingfast,asifhe’dbeenrunning.

Fromthisview,itwaseasytoseetheherohewas—themanwhocouldhandleanyemergency

situation.Howcouldthemanshesawhavestoppedbelievinginhimself,maybeevenstopped
believinginlife?Maceyhopedwitheveryfiberofherbeingthathewasonthewaytofinding
meaninginsomething.Anylittlething.

“Hey,”shesaid.

Hestartedandfacedher.“Figuredyou’dgonehome.”

Shedidn’tknowwhatshe’dbeenexpectingfromhim,butitwasdefinitelyalittlemorewarmth.Not

somuchindifference.

“I’mleavingsoon.Ihavetoopenatwork.JustthoughtI’dtidythingsforyou.”

Derekglancedaroundtheopen-conceptdiningarea,kitchenandlivingroom.Insteadofagrateful

smile,hefrowned.“Why’dyoudothat?”

“Becauseitneededit.”

“Youdidn’thaveto.”Hemeantwhathesaid.Hewasn’tgivinghertheobligatorypoliteobjection.

“Itwasnobigdeal.”

Hewalkedaroundherandthrewthenow-emptycaninthetrashunderthesink.Hehadn’tyetmet

hereyes.

“Youbettergetoutofhereifyou’regoingtomakeitontime.”

Sheflinched.Hereallywantedhertoleave.Hecouldn’tcarelesswhethershegottoTheShell

Shackontimeornot;hejustwantedheroutofhiscondo.

Maceytriedtohidethefactthatshewasstunned.Triedtocoverherhesitationassheabsorbedhis

between-the-linesmessage.

“Right.I’mleaving.”Shepickedupherpursefromthekitchencounterandnearlytrippedoverthe

dog.Crap.Thedog.

“WhataboutBurnaby?”Shereacheddownandruffledthefuronhisneck,moretocomfortherself

thanhim.

“Hecanstay.”

Shelookedupsharplyinsurprise.

Derekwasn’thappyaboutit,shecouldtell.Thatwasfineaslongashegavethedogagoodhome.

Hadshedreameduplastnightandtheintimacythey’dshared?

“There’sasmallbagoffoodhere,buthe’llgothroughitinabouttwodays.”Dereknodded.

Shepressedherlipstogetherinfrustration.“DidIdosomethingwrong,Dare?”sheasked,hating

thathervoicewenthighandsqueaky.

Hedidn’tanswerherforsolongshethoughthewasgoingtoignoreheraltogether.Atlast,when

tearshadfilledhereyesandherthroathaddevelopedalumpthesizeoftheGulfofMexico,heshook
hishead.

“Justhavealottothinkabout.”

SomethingsnappedinsideofMacey.Shewasnotgoingtostandbyandlethimretreatyetagain,not

afterlastnight.Sheslammedherpursedownonthetable.

“Yeah.Youdo.Specifically,abouthowyoutreatthepeoplearoundyou.Theveryonesyou’vetried

sohardtopissoffsowe’llleaveyoualone.WhenareyougoingtogetitthroughyourheadthatI’m
notgoingtoleaveyoualone,nomatterhowmeanorindifferentyouaretome?”

Shecouldfeeltheheatinherfacebutwasn’tabouttobackdown.

“Whatdoyouwantfromme,Macey?”

“WhatdoIwant?Areyoukidding?”

“YouthinksinceyoustayedovernightIshouldletyoumovein?Isthatwhyyoucleanedtheplace?”

Shetookaslow,calmingbreaththatactuallydidn’tdoathingtosettleherdown.Herheadthrobbed

intimewithherpulse.“Idon’twantanythingfromyou.Iwantsomethingforyou.Somethinglike
peaceofmind.Aflashofhappinessnowandthen.That’sallIwant,Derek.Forgivemeforcleaning.I
wastryingtobenice,butthatseemstobeaforeignconcepttoyou.”

“Ididn’taskyoutobenice.Matteroffact,ImadeitveryclearIwasn’tupforavisitwhenyou

cametotown.”

Shepickedupherpurseagainandhurrieddownthehall.

“Macey.Wait.”

Sheignoredhim,walkingstraightoutthedoor.Tearsburnedhereyesagain,butthistimetheywere

tearsofanger.Regardless,though,shewasn’tgoingtolethimseehercry.Notthistime.He’dseen
herintearscountlessinstancesovertheyears,buttheyhadneverbeencausedbyhim.Thiswas
different.

Shewalkedalongtheedgeofthestreetthewholewayhome,kickingtheheckoutofeveryrockshe

cameacross,imaginingeachonewasDerek’shead.Hisstinking,self-absorbed,hardhead.

HEREHEWENTAGAIN

,beingthebiggestgoddamnbastardalive.

WakingupbesideMaceyhadfreakedhimout—orrather,howmuchhe’dlikedithadfreakedhim

out.He’dthoughthe’dgottenhiswitsbackduringtherunalongthebeach,butwhenhecameinhere
andsawhowmuchshe’ddonetotheplace,he’dfeltpinneddown.Indebted.Asifsheexpected
somethingfromhim.

Neitheroneofthemcouldaffordtoletherhaveexpectationsaboutanythingconcerninghim.The

soonersheunderstoodthat,thebetter.Hejustwishedhe’dfoundawaytogetthatpointacrosswithout
beinghistrademarkassholeself.

HeleaneddowntoBurnaby,who’dmeanderedovertohisfeetanddropped,poopedoutfromtheir

exercise.

“I’verethoughtthings,dog.Comparedtoawoman,youmightmakeadamnfineroommate.I’ve

gottwosteaksinthefridge.Let’shavesomelunch.”

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

AVINGTHEENTIREDAYOFF

wasnothingbutahassleforDerek.Whatthehellwashe

supposedtodowithallthattime?

He’dgonetothegrocerystore,semi-inspiredbythesteaksheandthedoghaddevouredforlunch.

Turnedouthewassickofburgersandcocktailshrimp.Hecouldcookjustfine,thankstoa
restaurateurmotherandnightsoffeedingtheguysatthefirestationbackinDallas;hejusthadn’t
botheredwithit.Notoncesincehe’dbeenontheisland.

He’ddecidedtomakespaghettifordinner,withsaucefromajar.Wasn’tasgoodashismother ’s

recipe,butitwasstilltentimesbetterthanmorebarfood.TheShellShack’srepertoirewasokay,but
dayafterdayforseveralmonths…itdidgetold.

NowheandBurnabyhadhourstokillbeforethenever-endingdaywouldbeover.Itseemedthat

BurnabyfeltaspennedupasDerek,beingstuckinsidethecondofortheafternoon,sotheytooktothe
beach.Theywalkedsouthwithnoparticulardestinationinmind.

Thebeachwasnearlydeserted,likelybecauseitwasthedinnerhour.Gullscircledoverhead,their

sporadiccallssoundinglikestrategysessionsonwheretofindthebestgrub.ThebirdskeptBurnaby
entertained,makinghimtenkindsofcrazyashetriedtofigureouthowtosnatchonefromtheair.
ThefinesandwaswarmbeneathDerek’sbarefeetalthoughthesunwasclosetostartingitsdescent.

Thehorizonwascrispinthedistancetonight,andalargeshiplurkedattheedgeofhisvision.A

littlecloser,afishingboatcrawledslowlyalong.Thewaveswererelativelysmall,rollinginlikea
lullaby.

AstheycameuponTheShellShack,Derekfoughttheurgetodropbyandcheckonthings.Macey

wasstillthere,aboutdonewithhershift,heknew.Theonlythingkeepinghimawaywasthechanceof
runningintoher.

Hedistancedhimselffromthebarbywadingintoknee-deepwavesastheypassed.Burnaby

stretchedhisleashtothemaxtostayjustoutofreachoftherollingwaves.Apparentlyhewasn’ta
waterdog.

TheywanderedbeyondMacey’sapartment,farthersouththanDerekhadventuredbefore.Hewas

makingallkindsofstrideswithbeachexplorationtoday,herealized.He’djustneverthoughttostroll
alongthesandbeforenow,likelytoowrappedupinhimselfandhisgrief.Strayingsofarfromthe
condowasfreeingandgavehimanewperspectiveonalotofthings.

HewassurprisedwhenhesawtheSanAmaroIslandFireStationagooddistancesouthofhisbar.

Hehadn’trealizedthestationwasonthebeach.Hadn’tevenconsideredcheckingitoutbefore,butat
thesightofitandtheshinyredladdertruckstandingattheready,hefeltaninvisibleforcepulling
him.

Youmissit,don’tyou?

Hadhewanderedbythestationbeforenow,helikelywould’veturnedbackandavoidedit.Now,

though,hewascurious.

Withoutconsciousdecision,heangledtowardit.

Thegaragesatonthestreetsideofthelotandopenedonboththenorthandsouthends,withthe

trucksparkedparalleltothegulf.Theyhadanengineandtwotrucks,onelikelyabackup,plusan
ambulanceandawaterrescueunit.Thelivingquartersofthestationwereonthebeachside,with
floor-to-ceilingwindowsliningasectionhe’dbetwasthecommonarea.

“Let’sgopaytheplaceavisit,”hesaidtothedog,whichdidn’tseematallworriedaboutwhere

theywereheading.Burnabywastoowrappedupinthegulldrama,theblowingseagrassesanddog
lifeingeneral.

Derekspottedthepublicdooronthenorthside,surroundedbyacourtyardwithbenchesanda

flagpole.Ashegotcloser,hesawafirefighterinthegarageloadingsomethingonthetruck.

“Howdy,”theguycalledasDerekwalkedtowardhim,andherealizeditwasthemanMaceyhad

goneoutwith.EvanDrake.Didn’titfigurethatwasthefirstpersonhe’druninto.

Derekswallowedhisannoyanceandproceededwithouthesitation.Theguyhadonlytakenherout

once,asfarasheknew.AndDerekhadjustbeenwithherallnight.

“Evening,”Dereksaid.“How’sitgoing?”

“Notbadatall.”

Theguywasfriendlyenough.Alwayshadbeen,forthatmatter.Ifhehadn’ttakenMaceyonadate,

heandDerekwouldprobablygetalonglikebrothers.“Youheretocheckthingsout?Thinkingabout
joiningus?”

“Justoutforawalk.Haven’tbeenthiswaybefore.”

“Hey,boy.”EvanleanedoverandgaveBurnabyarubdown.

Thathewaswell-acquaintedwiththedogdrovehomethepointthatasMacey’sneighbor,hewas

partofherlife,repeatdatesornot.Derek’sjawtightenedandhehadtoforcehimselftorelax.

“Liketoseetheplace?”Evanasked.

“Sure,ifyou’vegottime.”Hecouldn’thelphimself.Nowthathewashere,hewantedtosee

everything,learnabouthowtheyoperated.

Justoutofcuriosity.Nothingelse.

Evannoddedandclosedthecompartmentonthetruck.“We’reafractionofthesizeofwhatyou’re

usedto,butwe’vegotaprettygoodsetuphereforwhatweneed.Exceptforspringbreak—thenwe
coulduseaboutfourmorestations.”

“Icanimaginetheinvasionoftourists.”

“Thousandsofidiotstudentswhocomedownanddrinkforaweekstraight.Keepsushoppingfora

wholemonth.Comeonin.”

“GotaplaceIcouldtiehimup?”Derekasked,gesturingtoBurnaby.

“Youcanbringhimin.Noone’llmind.”

DerekcalledtothedogandfollowedEvanthroughthegarageintothestationitself.Theywent

downahallway,pastseveraldoorways,andcameoutinthelivingarea.ThewindowedwallDerek
hadseenfromtheoutsidewasindeedinthelivingroomandaffordedthemaheckofaview.

Fivemenoccupiedthetwocouchesandoneoftheeasychairs,mostofthemwatchingabaseball

gameonthelarge-screentelevision.Onewasreadingamagazine.

“TV,library,videogames,”Evansaid,gesturing.

“What’sup,Evan?”theguyinthechairsaid.

“ThisisDerek…”HelookedtoDerektosupplyhislastname.

“Severson.IwaswiththeDallasFireDepartment.”

DerekrecognizedMacey’sotherfriend,theguywhousuallycametothebarwithEvan.

“YourememberClayMarlow,”Evansaid,pointingtohim.“That’sScottPataki,ColeTanner,

RafaelSandoval.Ourcaptain,JoeMendoza.”

Eachmanstood,shookDerek’shandandacknowledgedtheknee-highblack-and-whitedogwitha

commentorapatonthehead.Thecaninelappeduptheattention.CaptainMendozacamearoundthe
couchtoDerek.“Youonvacation?”

“Permanentresident,”Dereksaid.“Runabarupthebeachaways.TheShellShack.”

“Iknowtheplace,”CaptainMendozasaid,nodding.

“Notfightingfiresanymore?”

Derekshookhishead.“Justhelpingoutmyuncle.Hehadtoretirebutcan’tseemtoletgoofthe

bar.”Althoughitappearedhewasstartingto.

“Wecoulduseyouhereifyoueverwanttogetbackintoit.”

“I’llkeepthatinmind.Thankyou.”Derekkepthistonenoncommittalbutpolite.Eventhoughhe

wasn’tpreparedtojumpbackintofirefighting,heappreciatedthecasualoffer.Maybeinafewyears
hewouldtakethecaptainuponit.

“I’llshowyoutherest,”Evansaid,leadinghimoutofthelivingroom.

Dereknoddedtoeachmanastheyacknowledgedhimagainwithagood-nightoranice-to-meet-

you.

“Kitchen’salittlesmall—we’vedoubledinsizeinthepasttenyearsastheislandpopulationhas

grown,”Evansaid,gesturingtotheroomthatlookedoutonthecourtyard.“We’reoverdueforan
expansionbuttheyhaven’tfoundspaceforitinthebudget.We’redoingwelltogettheequipmentwe
needsometimes.”

“Soundsfamiliar,”Derekmuttered.“Theyalwayswantyoutodoathousand-dollarjobona

hundred-dollarbudget.”

“It’suniversal,”Evansaid,shakinghishead.

Thekitchenwasneatbutshowedsomewearandtear.Thechairsaroundalongtableinthecenter

didn’tallmatch.Noneofthatmattered,though,Derekknew.Justthesightforcedhimtorecallthe
camaraderiehe’dbeenmissingsinceleavinghisownstation.He’dbetanythingthemenhereshared
thesameties.That’swhathappenedwhenyoufaceddangertogether.Nomatterhowmuchyoutried
toexplaintoanoutsiderwhatyouwentthrough,noonewouldevergetitlikeanotherfirefighterdid.

Fartherdownthehall,inthefitnessroom,anothertwoguyswereworkingout,andDerekdida

mentalinventoryofalltheirequipment.Thatwasanotherthinghemissed—havingmorethanjusthis
weightmachinetostayinshape.

Thenextdoorledtoadarkenedconferenceandtrainingroomwithatable,videoscreenandother

electronics.Standardfare.

“Bunksarethisway,”Evansaid,leadinghimbacktowardthekitchenanddownaseparatehallway.

“Twobedsperroom.Thejohn’sattheendofthehall.”

Derekspottedthetworestroomdoors.“Youhaveanywomeninthedepartment?”heasked.

“Notaone.Neverhave.I’msureitwon’tbelong,though.”

“Howmanyalarmsdoesyourdepartmentrun?”

“NotnearlyasmanyasDallas.Wehaveabouteightyorninetypermonth.Goesupsevenhundred

percentinMarch.”

“Mustbeonehellofamonth.”

“GuysfightovertakingvacationsinAprilandMayifthattellsyouanything.”

Theywanderedoutsidethroughthegarage,Burnabyalongside.EvantoldDerekaboutafewofthe

strangerspring-breakcallsthey’dhadinthepastfewyears,andtheytalkedfirefightingforafew
moreminutes.

“SupposeIbettergetthedogbackhometosettledownforthenight,”Dereksaidfinally.

“Beforeyougo,”Evansaid,histonebecomingmorepersonal,“bestoflucktoyouwithMacey.”

HiswordsstoppedDerekshort.“Wearen’ttogether,”heclarified,bendingtoadjustBurnaby’s

collar,eventhoughitdidn’tneedadjusting.

“Shecaresaboutyou,man.”

“Yeah.We’vebeenfriendssincegradeschool.Grewuptogether.”Hetestedtheleashtomakesure

itwassecure.

Evannodded.“Goesbeyondthat,though.”

“Nah.Justfriends.”

“Maybe,butshe’dlikemore.”

Whatwasupwiththisguy?“You’retheoneshewentoutwith.”

Helaughed.“Let’sjustsaythatwasadeadend.Macey’sgreat,don’tgetmewrong.ButI’mnother

kindofguy.Igetthefeelingshe’slookingforsomethingalittlemoreseriousthanIcouldgiveher.”

Derektendedtoagree.“She’snotacasualdater.Neverhasbeen.”

“Thatmaybe,butIthinkit’smoreacaseofherhavinghereyeonyou.”

Derekdidn’tstoptoconsiderit.Therewasnopoint.“I’mnotinanystatetogiveherwhatshe

wants,either.That’sonethingyouandIhaveincommon.”

“Iunderstand.JustwantedyoutoknowIwassteppingasideincaseyou’reinterestedinher.”

“Goodtoknow.”Derekshooktheotherman’shand.“Thanksforthetour.”

“Seeyouaround.”

DerekandBurnabystrolledbackouttothebeachtowardhome.

InterestedinMacey.Notthewordshewould’vechosen.Caredagreatdealabouther,yes.Turned

onbyher,hellyeah.Consideringhislong-termpotentialorlackthereof,though,anyinteresthehad
waspointless.

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

ACEYCOULDGET

throughtoday,shecoulddojustaboutanything.

She’dstayedupnearlytilldawnworkingonagrantproposalforhernonprofit.Itwasn’tthatthe

proposalhadtobedoneanytimesoon.Itwasmorethatshe’ddesperatelyneededadistractionfrom
herthoughts,allofwhichinvolvedDerek.Noshockthere.

She’dactuallytriedtogotobedearlyafteralong,busyshiftatthebar,butDerekhadn’tlether.Not

inatechnicalsense;shehadn’theardasinglewordfromhimaftershe’dlefthiscondoyesterday
morning.Naively,she’dthoughtforsurehewouldcomeintoworkduringhershifttoapologizefor
thewayhe’dblownheroff.

Stretchedoutinbed,she’dalternatedbetweenheatedangeratthewayhe’ddismissedheryesterday

morning,andmemoriesoflyinginhisarmsthenightbefore,whichinducedheatofanentirely
differentkind.Ahalfhouroftossing,turningandtryingtoshutoutallthoughtsofhimhadbeenher
limit.She’ddraggedherlaptoptobedandsettowork.

Shewasdrivingtothebartodaybecauseshe’dsleptinandendeduprushingaroundtogetreadyon

time.Hershiftwasnoontonine,andsheknewDerekwouldbethereformostofit,ashe’dopened
thismorning.Strangely,histruckwasn’tinitsusualspotoutsidethebar.Maceypulledupandtook
hisplace,wonderingifhewasMIAagain.Whileshedidn’twantanythingbadtohappentohim,a
reprievefromworkingsidebysideforseveralhourswouldbewelcome.

Welcomebutnotgoingtohappen.

Burnabywaslyingintheshadeofthebuildingjustoutsidethedoor.Maceybenttorubhisbelly.

ShespottedDerekwipingdownthebarbeforesheevensetfootinsidethehomeyshackwiththefaint
beeraroma.Hercluelessheartspedup,seeminglyonlycapableofrecallinghowthey’dspentthe
nighttogetherandnothowhe’dactedafterward.Hermindwasmuchmorereadytofacethefacts,
though.

Shebracedherselftobeasindifferentaspossibletowardhimandyetfriendlyenoughthathe

wouldn’tfigureouthowmuchhe’dhurther.

Asiftheywerejustcoworkers.

“Afternoon,”shesaidashejoinedherbehindthebar.

“Hey.”Hedidn’tlookatherandshebithertonguetokeepfromsayingmore.

Andiewasatthegrill,cookingupthreeorfourorders,andafterclockingin,Maceysteppedupto

thecountertowaitonpeopleinthelinethathadsuddenlyformedattheregister.

Twohoursandabouttwohundredcustomerslater,DerekandMaceyhadexchangedagrandtotal

ofapproximatelyfoursentences.Allworkrelated.Andthatwasfinewithher—oratleastshetriedto

tellherselfitwas.

Andiewanderedoutofthebackroomtorefillherdrink.Derekwasstraighteningtheliquorbottles

ontheshelveswhileMaceywipeddownthemaincounterandjokedwithsomeofthecustomers
sittingatthebar.

“Derek,”Andiesaid.“We’reoutoftomatoesandalmostoutoflettuce.Youneedtoruntothe

store.”

Heshotheralook.“IfI’mtheboss,shouldn’tIbegivingouttheordersinsteadoftakingthem

fromyou?”

Andieshrugged.“Ifthatmakesyoufeelbetter.Butweneedveggies.Stat.”

NormallyMaceywould’vevolunteeredtoruntheerrand,butitturnedoutshedidn’tfeellikebeing

helpfultoday.Shefocusedonscrubbingsomedriedketchupoffthecounter.ShecouldsenseDerek
staringatherback,butshedidn’tgivein.

“GuessI’llgogettheveggies,”hesaidfinally.

Maceyignoredhimandheleftwithoutanotherword.

“ThankGodhe’sgone,”Andiesaid.“Whatiswiththetwoofyou?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Maceyasked,throwingthetowelinatubofhotsoapywateronthefloor.

“Somethinghappenedbetweenyouguysagain.You’remakingmecrazy.”

MaceyhadtriedtoactunaffectedbyDerek,ifalittlelesstalkativethanusual.Shegladlysteppedup

tothecounterasasunburnedmanorderedadrink.Andieleanedonthedoorjambwatchingher,
waitinguntilshe’ddrawntheguy’sbeerandtakenhismoney.

“Yougoingtotellme?”

MaceyturnedandmetAndie’sgaze.“You’renotusuallyonetobuttinanddemanddetailsabout

otherpeople’slives.What’sgoingon?”

“Areyoukidding?I’vewatchedforseveralweekswhileyoutwodancearoundyourfeelingsand

actlikethere’sasanereasonyouhaven’tjumpedintobedtogether.Iwantyoutogetitoverwith
already.Puttherestofusoutofourmisery.”

Maceyglancedaround.Fortunately,everyoneseemedtobeinvolvedintheirownconversations.

“IfItoldyouweslepttogether,wouldyouleaveitalone?”

“What?”Andie’seyeswidenedandthenshesmiledsmugly.“Iknewit.Congrats.”

“Weslepttogether.Asinslumbered.Sidebyside.Nothingelsehappened.”

“Yousharedabedandnothinghappened?Ishedead?”

“Unfortunately,Ithinkso.”

“Whathappened?”

Maceyassuredherselftherewasnoonewaitingforadrinkoraburger,thenmovedcloserandtold

AndiethegistofhernightatDerek’scondo.

“Sonowhe’sbarelytalkingtoyou.”Andiefrowned.

“He’sactinglikeIshouldapologize.I’mtryingtopretendI’mnotreadytostranglehim.Hewants

tomakememad.Wantsmetoleavehimalone.ButIwon’tdothat.”

AndietookasipandbeckonedMaceybackintothekitchen.Shescoopedchipsandcheesesauce

intoacardboardcontainerandputitonthecounterbetweenthem.

“You’regettingtohim.”

“I’mluckyhehasn’tfiredmeyet.”

“Youneedtoseducehim.”

Maceynearlychokedonthechipshe’djustshovedintohermouth.“AboutlikeIneedtogolie

downinthemiddleofinterstatetrafficinDallas.”

“Maybeifyougotitoverwith,thingscouldgobacktonormalbetweenyoutwo.”

“YouforgetthatDerek’snothisnormalself.Withgoodreason.Thereisnonormalbetweenus

anymore.”MaceyhadtostrugglenottothinktoohardaboutAndie’ssuggestion,nottogiveitany
lifeatallinhermind,becauseifshedid,itwouldtauntherallnight.

Andiedugajalapeñopepperoutoftherefrigeratedtubandstackeditonhercheese-drenchedchip.

“Sowhatareyougoingtodo?”

Maceyswirledachipinthecheese,ponderingthequestionshe’dbeenaskingherselfsinceshe’d

gottenhere.“I’mgoingtojumphim.”

SeeingAndie’sprettybrowneyesbulgeoutofherheadwasworththefib.

“OrmorelikelyoptionB—justlethimbeforacoupledaysandthengetbacktobeingniceand

forgiving,”Maceysaid.“I’mleavinginalittleoveraweek.Ican’ttakeoffwithhimstilljustas
messedupashewaswhenIgothere.”

“He’snot.”

“Youdon’tthinkso?”

“Beforeyougothere,I’dneverseenhimlaugh.Notsurehe’devensmiled.Andnowyou’vegot

himtakingcareofadog.”

Maceygrinned,feelingasifBurnabyhadbeenavictory.Maybetheonlyone,butshe’dtakeit.

“You’vedefinitelybeengoodforhim,Macey.”

Rightnow,shefeltshe’dbeenanythingbutgoodforDerek.Andtimewasa-ticking.

EREKWASCOUNTINGTHE

daysuntilMaceywentbacktoDallas.

Assoonassheleft,hecouldstopbecomingsidetrackedbythesightofherandthosecurvesshe’d

alwayskepthiddeninthepast.Hecouldstoptryingtocatchthescentofherhair,quitrecallinghow
she’dfeltinhisarms.Mostimportantly,hecouldstopfeelingguiltyforpushingheraway.

Oncesheleft,thingscouldgetbacktonormalaroundhere…whatevernormalwas.Hecouldadmit

he’dmisshavingheratthebar.They’dslippedbackintomakingthehourspassfasterwhenthey
workedtogether,justlikeinhighschoolattheirmothers’restaurant.Atleastupuntilthelastfewdays
andhisresolutiontoputdistancebetweenthem.

Asifhe’dconjuredher,hespottedherwalkingupthebar ’sconcretestairsfromthebeach.Hiseyes

lockedonheragainsthiswill.Shecouldn’tseehimyetsohewatchedher.

Henearlyswallowedhistongueasshecamecloser.Sheworeabikiniwithawraparoundherhips,

showingoffherflat,sexymiddleandallowinghimthebestviewhe’deverhadofherbreasts,
excludingwhenthey’dbeenbareinherbedroom.Themodestorange-and-yellowtopleftverylittle
tohisimagination,buthisimaginationwasonovertime,anyway.Hisfirstthoughtwaswhyinthehell
hadshebeenhidingalltheseyears?Hisbodyrespondedwithouthispermission,andhewasgladfor
thecounterstandingbetweenhimandtherestoftheworld.

Ontheheelsofhisinitialwowwastheconvictionthatshewasshowingtoomuchtotherestofthe

world.SeveralmennoticedherandDerekhadtheprimalurgetobattleeachoneofthem.

Hedidn’thavetherighttocomplimentherorprotecther.Best-casescenarioforherwouldbe

someoneelseprotectingherfromhim.

ACEYDIDN’TSEEMUCH

ofanythingassheclimbedthestepstoTheShellShack.Shewasdeeply

involvedinamindgamewhereshepretendedshewasfullofcourage,andthataskingDerektodo
anythingwasn’tputtingherselfinavulnerable,scaryposition.Itwashardtohidefromthetruth—that
shecaredtoomuch.

She’dletthreedayspasssinceshe’dtoldAndieshewasgoingtobackoffbeforethelastbig

hurrah.

Todaywasthehurrah.

Asshemovedtheshortdistancefromthedoorwaytothebar,shebecameawareofpeoplewatching

her.Twoorthreemenfollowedherwiththeireyes,andshefeltexposedinherswimsuitandsarong.

Sheshould’vekepthertankonbutshe’dflownoutofherapartmentinahurryand,okay,maybehad
hopedshowingsomeskinwouldaffectDerek.Hecouldn’tbetotallynumbtoher—notthewayhe’d
reactedwhenthey’dkissed.Atthetimeshe’dhadnodoubthewasjustasintoitasshewas,butnow,
dayslater,shewasunsure.Insecure.Butwhocouldfaultherafterhislatestrejection?

WhenshezeroedinonDerek,hiseyesweregluedtoher,makingherbreathhitch.Assheneared

thecounter,acustomerstandingatthebarafewfeetawayholleredtogetDerek’sattention.

HenoddedatMaceyoncetoletherknowhe’dbebacktoher,andtookthecustomer ’sorder.

Charlottewavedfrombehindthebarbutdidn’tstoptochat.

Macey’sinsecuritygnawedather.Howdidshesoeasilyslipbackintoherpre-PeaceCorpsself

whenshewasaroundDerek?Timetobuckupandbeabiggirl.Shewasabsolutelyconfidentshewas
doingtherightthingininvitinghimout.

“Hey,”hesaidassoonashefinishedwiththecustomer.

“Hi.”Sheforcedasmileanddidherbesttomakeitlooknaturalandfree.“Busyday?”

“Swampeduntilthirtyminutesago.Hot.Peoplearethirsty.”

“You’reworkingashortshift,right?”

“Yes,ma’am.Youshouldknow.Youwrotetheschedule.”

Shecaughthiseyesloweringtoherchestandfeltencouraged.“Iwaswonderingifyou’ddomea

favor….”

Shesawhisbodytense,butwasn’tabouttogiveupnow.“I’mleavinginafewdayssoIfiguredit’s

timetodosomeofthethingsI’vebeenwantingto.”

“Whatisit,Mace?”

“Ihavealessonintheartofsandcastlebuildingatfour.Willyougowithme?”

“Iworkuntilfour.”

“Iknow.I’mmeetingtheteacherupthebeach,closetoyourcondo.Youcouldjoinusassoonas

yougetoutofhere.”Shesilentlywilledhimtosayyes.“Please?LastcrazytouristthingI’llaskyou
todowithme.Promise.”

Shenoticedshewasholdingherbreath,soreleaseditslowlyassheleanedherelbowsonthebar.

Derek’seyesflasheddowntohercleavageagain,onlyforasecond,butitsentacurrentofheat
straighttohercore.

Shewasanidiot.ThiswasgoingtohurtsomuchwhenshefinallywentbacktoDallas,tothenew

lifeshe’danticipatedformonths.Suddenlyitdidn’tseemlikeeverythingshe’dbeenlookingforward
to.Butshe’dknownfromthebeginningthatthiscouldbedifficult,sheremindedherself.Shestill

wouldn’tdoanythingdifferentlyifgiventhechance.MaybeAndiewasrightandshe’ddoneDereka
littlebitofgoodinsomeway.Ifso,itwasworththepotential—makethatinevitable—heartache.

“It’llbefun.Theguyisreallygood,Dare.What’snottolikeaboutbuildingasandcastle?”

“Neverbeenthesandcastletype,Iguess.It’lljustwashawaywiththetide.”

“We’lltakepictures.You’renotgoingtomakemedothisallbymylonesome,areyou?”

Heglancedaroundandspottedawomanapproachingthefarsideofthebartoplaceanorder.

Charlottesteppedintohelpher.

“Fine,”hesaid.“We’llbuildsandcastles.I’llmeetyouthere.”

Shesmiled,thistimeunforced.Hisagreementmadeherwanttothrowherfistintheairandsay

“yes!”Sherefrained,though,andtriedtoplayitasnobigdeal.Hedidn’thavetoknowsheplannedto
extenditintoacasualdinnertogetherandmaybeevenamovierentalafterward.

Heshookhishead,thecornersofhislipsturningupdespitehisgrumpymood,she’dbet.Shefelt

toogiddyforthecircumstances.Butshe’dwon.Shehadanon-datewithDerek.Onelastchancetotry
tomakethingscomfortablebetweenthemandhopefullytomakehimlaugh,remindhimhowtohave
fun.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

EREKWASBEYOND

deadmeat.

Macey’shour-longsandcastlelessonhadjustendedandhe’dmissedeverylastminuteofit.She’d

missedagoodchunkofit,too,becauseshe’dbeensopreoccupied.TheSandMan,herteacher—who
refusedtotellheranyothername—hadfinallyaskedifeverythingwasokay.She’dliedthatitwas,
butheknewshe’dbeenstoodup.Ifshewasn’tsoangryshe’dbehumiliated.

TheSandManhadleftherseveraltoolsofthetrade—abrush,straw,spatula,minishovelandchisel

—aspartofwhatshe’dpaidfor.Hercreation,acompactbutdetailedfortresswithfourtowers,was
almostfinished.Sherefusedtowalkoffandleaveitwithoutfinalizingthecrenellationsatthetopof
thewallsandthemoat.Ifshehadanyrealtalentforsculpting,shewouldaddknightsanddragonsto
shootanyonewhocametooclose.Justthekindofmoodshewasin.

Asshebentovertheexteriorstaircasetochiseltheedges,alongshadowsuddenlystretchedover

her,blockingoutthesun.SheknewwithoutlookingthatDerekhadfinallyseenfittoshowup.She
continuedworking,determinedtoignorehimforaslongasittooktogetridofhim.

Foreverandahalfseemedtotickbyandneitherofthemspoke.Maceydidn’tevenglanceupto

makesureitwashim.

Shefinishedthestairdetailsandwassosidetrackedbyhispresenceshedidn’tknowwhattodo

next.

Themoat.Shewenttoworksquaringthesides,carvingoutslicesofsandwithoneofthetoolsthe

SandManhadtaughthertouse.

Derekmovedatlast,startlingher.Hesatdownclosetothecastle,ontheoppositesidefromwhere

Maceywasworking.Thisputhimlessthanthreefeetawayfromherandstillshepretendedtobe
alone,havingthetimeofherever-lovinglifecarvingsandoutofthemoat.

“Macey.”Sheinvoluntarilymadeeyecontact,butturnedawayquickly,scoldingherselfforthe

automaticreaction.“I’msorry.”

Astickedoffasshewas,atruckfulofHostessCupcakeswouldn’thelphiscause.

“Macey!”Loudernow.Hewasgettingmad.

Pity.

“Igotcaughtupatthebar.TheTVguyshoweduptoinstallthetwotelevisionsandIwantedto

makesureeverythingwentokay.ThenIhadtotakethedoghome.”

“Andiecould’vebabysattheTVguy.”

Hebeathisfirsttwofingersonhisthigh.“Isupposeshecouldhave.Iwantedtomakesurehedidit

thewayIwantedhimto.”

Maceytookhertimecleaningoutfreshlyfallensandfromthebottomofthemoat.“SoyourTVs

aremoreimportantthanme.”

“Ofcoursenot.”

Herfurybuiltlikethepowerinawave,deceivinglycalmontheoutsidebutreadytotwist

someone’sneckbeneaththesurface.

“It’sjustasandcastle,Mace.Wecanbuildoneanytime.”

Shejumpedtoherfeet,tossedhertoolsintoherbeachbagandstompedofftowardherapartment.

“Macey.”

Shekeptgoing,diggingherfeetintothesandwitheachstep,clenchingherteethuntilherhead

throbbed.

“Dammit,Macey,waitup!”

Sheheardhimjoggingupbehindher,andpickedupherownpace.Secondslater,hecaughtherby

thewristandpulledhertoastop.Maceyswungherarmawayfromhimwithallherstrength.“Don’t
touchme.”

“Calmdown.What’sreallygoingonhere?Thiscan’tbeaboutlearningtobuildasandcastle.”

Shestaredathim,breathinghard,trembling.

“This,”shesaidquietly,“isaboutyoulettingmedown.Youtreatingmelikecrapforthepastweek.

Youtellingmeyouweregoingtodosomethingandthenflaking.Standingmeup.Embarrassingme,
andworse,lettingmeknowjusthowimportantourfriendshipisn’t.”

“I…”

“I’vetried,Derek.Triedtobenice,andwhenthatdidn’tgooversowell,Ijusttriedtobe

sympatheticandrememberwhatyou’regoingthrough.Butyouknowwhat?Idon’tcarewhatkindof
griefandpainyouhave,nothingjustifieslettingyourfriendsdown.”Sherealizedshewaspokinghis
chestasshespoke.

“Ineveraskedforanythingfromyou,Macey.”

“Youneveraskedforitbutyouneededit.Youneedsomething,Derek,althoughit’sobviously

somethingIcan’tgiveyou.”Shewasjustshortofyelling.Peoplewerestartingtostare,butshedidn’t
care.

“Iknewthiswouldn’tbeeasy.ButIthoughtourfriendshipcouldhandlejustaboutanything.Iguess

Iwaswrong,becauseIcan’ttryanymore.There.Haveityourway.I’mdone.”

Again,hecaughtherbythewrist,bothofthem,actually,andmovedcloser.“Macey,stopfora

second.Takeabreath—”

“Idon’twantabreath!”Shetriedtowhipherarmsaway,butthistimehewasprepared.Tears

formedinhereyesbutshecouldn’tevenwipethemawaybecauseheheldherhands,andwasmuch
strongerthanher.

“I’msorry.Iscrewedup.Overandover.”Hehesitated,swallowinghardwhilehiseyessearched

hers.“You’retheonepersoninthisworldIneverwantedtoscrewupwith,andnowI’vehurtyou.
I…”Hesworetohimself.“I’msorry,Macey.Sodamnsorry.”

Hershoulderssaggedandshesuddenlyfeltsodarntired,asifshecouldsleepforaweek.Butshe

wasn’treadytomakepeacewithhim.Didn’thavetheenergy.Sheclosedhereyesuntilheletgoof
her,thenshedroppedtothesand,cradlingherkneestoherchest.

Dereksatnexttoher,histhighrightnearhersbutnotquitetouching.Shenoticedthatdetailbut

wasn’tsurehowshefeltaboutit.Didn’tknowifshewantedhimtotouchher.

Shestaredoutatthecrestingwaves,mesmerizedbytheirrhythm.Calmedbytheirrepetitiveness.

“Iwastryingtoprotectyou,”Dereksaidafterseveralminuteshadpassed.

Maceyclosedhereyes.She’dalwayslovedDerek’sprotectivestreak,buthowtreatingherlike

garbageequatedprotection,shecouldhardlywaittohear.“What,praytell,wereyouprotectingme
from?”

Derekchuckledhumorlessly.“Someassholewho’swalkingaroundinafog,sowrappedupinhis

ownproblemsthathedoesn’tworryaboutanyoneelse.”

Maceynodded.“I’vemetthetypebefore.Scumbags,everylastoneofthem.”

“Completebastards,”heagreed.

“Theydeservetobeburnedatthestake.”

Derekcringedbesideher.“Maybewecouldgoforasinglebulletwoundinstead?”

“Tooeasy.”

Hehesitated.“Idon’ttrustmyselfrightnow.I’mimpossibletobearound,andthat’swhyI’vetried

todistancemyself.”

“Icamedownhereknowingyou’dbehardtobearound,Dare.”

“IneversaidanythingI’vedonewastherightthing.JusttryingtotellyouwhereI’mcomingfrom.”

“Ineverexpectedanythingfromyouexceptcommondecency.”

“AndIblewthat.”

“Prettymuch.”

“I’mworkingonit,Macey.Iwanttofeelbetter.Thisgriefsucks.”

Thathewastiredofhurtingwasastep.Beforenow,she’dgottentheimpressionhewantedto

suffer.

“Whatyousaidaboutthebuildingcollapsingtheothernight,”hecontinued,“ithelped.”

“Really?”Shecouldn’thidehershockthatanythingshe’ddonehadhelped…andthathe’dadmitit.

“You’rerightabouttherebeingsomethingswecan’tpreventorcontrol.It’ssomethingwelearnin

theacademy.Sometimesallwecaneverdoisreacttosituationstothebestourtraininghasprepared
usfor.There’llbetimeswhenwedoeverythingbythebookandwestilldon’twinthebattle.”

“Thiswasoneofthosetimes,”Maceysaidquietly.

Henoddedslowly,staringintothedistance.“Ithinkitwas.”Afteracoupleofminutes,hegottohis

feet.“Enoughofthissadcrap.Yourcastleneedsfinishingtouches.”

Maceystood,too.“Yeah,butwhatdoyouknowaboutsandcastlebuilding?”

“Hatetotellyouthis,Mace,butitdoesn’trequireabigfancyclasswiththesandgod.”

“SandMan.”

“What?”

“TheSandMangavememylesson.”

Derekgrinned,thenchuckledandshookhishead.

“Comeon,I’llshowyousandman.”

Heheldhishandoutandshetookitwithonlyamomentaryhesitation.

“SoamIforgiven?”Derekaskedastheyapproachedthecastle.“OrdoIstillneedtogrovelsome

more?”

“Oh,you’llneedtogrovelquiteabitmore.Maybefeedmelater.”

“Iknowthisgreatlittleplaceonthebeachthatservesburgersandcocktailshrimp….”

“Sorry.Tooeasy.”

“Youdriveahardbargain,woman.”

“Youhavealottomakeupfor.”

Derekreleasedherhandandcircledthecastle,eyeingitcritically.“Thistowerneedsaremodel.”

“Thetower ’sfine.”

Heshookhishead.“Andthemoatlooksgoodabouthalfwayaround.Thenitgetssloppy.”

“Theconstructionforemanwasrudelyinterruptedbyaninconsideratejerkwhenshewasworking

onit.”

“Youstartonthemoat,sandchick,andI’llmakethistowerintoa…tower.”

OUGHLYANHOURLATER

,theydeclaredthecastletobefinished.Derekcombedthelitternearatrash

canonthebeach,foundascrapfromapaperbagandmadeaflagwiththestrawfromtheSandMan.
Heinserteditintothetallesttoweranddeclaredit“CastleLocke.”

“SomedayIwantalife-sizeversionofit,”Maceysaid.

“Didn’tfigureyoutobetheprincesstype.”

“Everygirlwantstobeaprincessdeepdown.”

“I’llkeepthatinmind,”Dereksaid,unabletoignorehowunprincesslikeshelooked.Princesses

broughttomindlittle-girlcharmandpinkribbons.Macey,inthatbikini,hadshedallherlittle-girl
anything.

Hetorehisattentionawayfromhercurvesandsmoothedoutthepointwheretheflagstuckintothe

topofthetower.Grainsofsandtumbleddownthesidefromhistouch—justafew.

Andthensomemore.

Andthenthewholedamntowersplitinhalfandcrashedtoalumpofnothing.

“Myfortress!”Maceycoveredhermouthwithherhand,hereyeswide.

Derektriedtoholdbackagrin,notbecausethecastlehadcollapsedbutbecauseofherobvious

horror.

“Macey,it’sokay.Justasandcastle.”

“Ipaidahundredandfiftybucksforthatcastle.Pluslabor.”

Onehundredfiftybucks?Forasandcastlelesson?Thegirlwasaheadcase.Averysexyone,buta

headcaseatanyrate.Hecouldn’thelplaughing.

Shepunchedhisarm.“Castlewrecker!”

“Theonlythingtodoisdestroyitalltheway.”

“What?”

“Tryit.Mightfeelgood.Takearunningjumprightintoit.”

“Icouldfixit,”shesaidstubbornly,circlingtotheothersidetosurveythedamage.

HebenttolookcloselyatthecollapsedtowerasMaceyreachedhisotherside.“It’dtakehoursto

fixit.”

“I’vegottime,”shedeclared.

Derekglancedupather,shookhishead,thenfacedthecastleagain.Justashereachedoutto

salvagetheflag,hefelthimselftippingforward,courtesyofMacey’sfootconnectingwithhisass.He
hadnochoicebuttolandrightontopofhermasterpiece.Ex-masterpiece.

Behindhim,Maceylaughed.Herolledtohisback,ruiningthecastlecompletely,andstaredupat

her,shieldinghiseyesfromthelowsunbehindher.

“Youwereabsolutelyright,”shesaid,snickering.“Thatdidfeelgood.”

Hestaredwordlesslyatherforseveralmoments,thensprangtohisfeet.Nowaywasshenotgoing

topayforthat.Maceyreactedquicklyanddartedtowardthewater.Herushedinbehindher,even
thoughhewasn’twearingswimtrunks.Probablydestroyedhistennisshoes,butwhatthehell.Sweet
revenge.

Maceyhollered,acrossbetweenascreechandalaugh,ashealmostcaughtupwithher.Thenshe

torpedoedintoawaveandescaped.Hisshoesweredragginghimdown,beingsuckedintothesand
witheachstep.

Shesurfaced,andwhenshestood,thewaterwasjustaboveherwaist,givinghimanexcellentview

ofthewayherwetbikinitopclung,outlininghernipples.

“You’regoingtopayeventually,Mace.”Heforcedhiseyesfromherchest,whichseemedtobe

somethinghehadtodoalot.“Whetherit’snoworlater,you’regoingdown.”

“Tremblinginfearhere.”Shelaughedanddivedawayagain.

Derekwould’vefollowedherbuthisshoeswereaserioushandicap.Hetrudgedbacktodryland

andremovedthem,hissocksandhisdrenchedT-shirt.HepickedupthebeachbagMaceyhadjumped
overduringherescape,andfoundherlargebeachtowelinside.Hepulleditoutandwipedhisface
dry,lookingatMacey,who’dswumfartherout.Heloweredhimselftothesand,catchinghisbreath
andpreferringtowatchherratherthanchaseher.Forthetimebeing.

Stillinwaist-deepwater,shewastryingtojumpoverwaves.Hersmilewasvisiblefromhereand

herealizedagrinwasfindingitswayacrosshisface,aswell.Howcoulditnot,ashesawhowinto

themomentshewas,howmuchfunshecouldhavejustplayinginthewaveslikeakid.Sometimeshe
wonderedwhatitwouldbeliketobesocarefree,buthe’dneverbeenclosetoit,evenbeforeJulie’s
death.

Derekhadn’tfeltthisrelaxedinages.ClearingtheairwithMaceyhaddonewondersforhismood.

Hehadn’trealizedhowheavilytheadditionalguiltoftryingtopushherawayhadweighedonhim.
Hedidn’tdeserveforhertobesoforgiving,buthewasdamnglad.

Hehadonlyafewmoredaystillsheleft.

Maceykeptgettingfartherout.Itlookedasifshecouldnolongertouchthebottom.Herhead

bobbedinthewater,butthatwasall.

Derekstraightenedasshewentunderagain.Shewasgettingtoofarout.Hestooduptoseeher

better,alarmpricklinghisneck.Herheadwentbelowthesurfaceagain,andhetookseveralsteps
forwardashewaitedforhertocomeup.

CHAPTERTWENTY

AMMIT

SHEWASDOWN

toolong.Derekwadedintothewater,eyesgluedtowherehe’dlast

seenher.Finally,Macey’sheadcameup,butnotlongenoughforhertogetagoodbreath.Something
waswrong.

Riptides.He’dheardcustomersatthebartalkaboutcurrentsthatsneakeduponpeopleandcarried

themawayfromshore.Thewaytohandlethem,he’dheard,wasnottotrytoswimagainstthem.You
hadtomoveparalleltotheshoreandyou’deventuallygetoutofthecurrent.

ItappearedMaceydidn’tknowthisorhadn’tfiguredoutwhatwashappening.

Derekranuntilhegottowaterdeepenoughtodiveinto.Hehadn’tswumforyears,butsliced

throughthewaterasfastashecould,thanksinparttosomeseriousadrenaline.Itseemedamileout
towhereMaceywas.Hewasnotgoingtoletanythinghappentoher.Hadtogetthere.Hadtokeep
going.

Hetreadedwaterforacoupleofsecondstospotheragain,thenswamfullout.HethankedGod

he’dkeptworkingout,eventhoughhedidn’tusehisbodyonthejobanymore.Theforceofthe
currenthelpedcarryhimtoherevenfaster.

Atlasthereachedherandsawhergounderyetagain.Heputhisarmsaroundhertorsoandheld

herupsoshecouldgetabreath.Shewasstillmovingbuthecouldtellshewaswipedout.Hepulled
heracrosshisbody,herheadcradledonhisshouldersoshecouldgetalltheairsheneeded.

“It’sokay,Macey.You’resafe.I’vegotyou.”

Shewentlimpinhisarmsandhecheckedtomakesureshewasstillconscious.Hereyesfluttered

openandshefocusedonhimbrieflybeforeclosingthemagain.ThankGod.She’dmakeit.Nowhe
justneededtogethertoshore.

Heslowlycarriedhersouth,notsurehowtotellwhentheywereoutofthedangerouscurrent.

Finallyhemadeittowherehecouldtouchbottom.Assoonashegottowaterwaist-deep,hepicked
Maceyupandcradledher.Sheheldontohisneck,whichwasagoodsign.

Hecarriedhertothedrysandandlookedaround,tryingtogethisbearings.They’dgonefarther

souththanhe’dthought.Hecouldseethefirestationaquarterofamiledownthebeach.Iftheywere
closer,theguysatthestationcouldhelp,butDerekwasn’tabouttoleaveherandgothatfar.

Gently,heputMaceyonthesand.Shewasstartingtoshiveruncontrollably.Heneededtogether

intodryclothesandwarmherup.Herbagwaslikelyahalfmileormoreawayandwasn’tgoingto
dothemanygood,either.

Therewereveryfewpeopleonthissectionofbeachrightnow,asitwasdinnertime.

“I’mcold,Dare,”Maceygroaned,rollingtohersideandcurlingupinaball.“Tired.”

“I’mgoingtogetyouatowel.Stayrighthere.”

Hejoggedovertotheclosestgroupofpeople,afamilywithfourrambunctiouskidsplaying

football.Awomansatunderalargeblue-and-whitebeachumbrellaandalternatedbetweenwatching
thegameandreadingapaperback.Oncehetoldherwhathadhappened,shegavehimoneofthekids’
towels.SpongeBobSquarePantstotherescue.Hethankedherandaskedwheresheandherfamily
werestaying.Heintendedtogivethemanewtowelattheveryleast.Later.WhenMaceywastaken
careof.

Hehurriedbacktowrapthetowelaroundher.

“Th-thanky-you.Whot-turnedoffthes-sun?”

Dereksmiledandpickedherup,towelandall.“Let’sgetyouhome.Awarmbathandsomesleepis

whatyouneed.”

SherestedherheadonhisshoulderasDerekmadehiswayoffthesandtothestreet.Shewasn’t

heavybuthewasgladherapartmentwasonlyablockandahalfaway.

Ashewalkedthroughthesmallparkinglottowardthestairstoherplace,hespottedEvanonthe

secondfloorwalkway,leaningovertherailinganddrinkingabeer.

“Everythingallright?”Evancalledout.

Dereknodded.HeclimbedthestairswithMaceystillinhisarmsandonlypausedforamomentto

say,“Shegotcaughtupinariptide.She’sokay.”

Evanrushedtowardthem.“Yousure?Shelookspale.”

“Sheis.Neverlostconsciousness,though,thankGod.”

“AnythingIcando?”

Derekshookhishead.“Thanks.”Hekeptgoingtowardherdoor,thenstoppedandswore.“Herbag

isonthebeach.I’msureherkeyisinthebag.”

Maceyblinkedhereyesopen.“Itis.”

“I’vegotakey,”Evansaid,andDerektoldhimselfthiswasnotthetimetowonderwhatthehell

Evanwasdoingwithakeytoherapartment.

“TheyletBurnoutwhenIwasworking,”Maceysaidquietly.

Okaythen.HewasapettyjealousbastardtoworryaboutthatwhenMaceywasinbadshape.Hewas

justgladtheycouldgetintoherapartmentsoshecouldrecover.

EvancameoutofhisplaceandunlockedMacey’sdoor.“Youwantsomedryclothesforyourself?”

Derekrealizedhisshortsweresoakedandhisshoesandshirtwerestillonthebeach.“Shortswould

begreat.Thanks,man.”

DerektookMaceyintoherbedroomandloweredhertothebed.

Acoupleofminuteslater,Evanpokedhisheadin.“Key’sonthekitchencounter.I’mgoingafter

herbag.What’sitlooklike?”

“Rainbowtie-dye,”Derekrecalled.

“ItsaysSanAmaroIslandonit,”Maceyadded.“There’sabunchofsandcastletoolsinside.”

“Gotit.Ifyouneedanythingelse,we’rethelastunitonthislevel.Don’thesitate.”

Dereknoddedinappreciation.“Shejustneedstorest.”

“Takecare,Macey.”

Shemumbledsomethingunintelligible.

“I’llseemyselfout,”Evansaid.

Oncehewasgone,Dereksatontheedgeofthebed.“Howyoudoing?”

“Okay.”Sheopenedhereyes.“Thanksforsavingme,Dare.”

Histhroatswelledupasheimaginedwhatcouldhavehappenedifhehadn’trealizedshewasin

trouble.Hecouldn’tgetanywordsout,sohetrailedhisknuckledownhercheek.

“Stillahero,”Maceywhispered.

Heshookhishead.“Ididwhatanyonewould’vedone.”

“Dare?”

“Yeah?”

“Shutup.”

Hebrushedherwethairbackfromherface.“Readytowarmupwithabath?”

Whenshenodded,DerektooktheshortsEvanhadleftandwentintostartthewaterforher.He

foundbubblebathontheedgeofthetubandaddedsometotherunningwater.Thelilacscentofitwas
solikeMaceyheactuallysattherebreathingitinforacoupleofseconds.Thenhesearchedaround
andfoundanoversize,fluffybathtowelinthecabinetunderthesinkandsetitonthefloornexttothe
tub.Stripping,hehunghisdampshortsuptodry,thenpulledontheborrowedcutoffsweats.When
thetubwasfull,heturnedoffthespigotandwentbackintothebedroom.

“Water ’sreadyforyou.”

Maceysatupslowly,dazedanddopey.

“Youokay?”heasked.“Doyouneedhelp?”He’ddowhateversheneededhimto,butifthat

includedpeelingherswimsuitoffherandgettingherintothetubhewasgoingtohaveonehellofan
uncomfortableevening.

“Icandoit.I’mokay,Dare.Justtired.”

Shestoodandreachedbehindhertountiehertop.Derekturnedawayinapanic.Nowwasnotthe

timeforaneyeful.

“I’llbeinthekitchentryingtofindsomedinner.”

“Goodluck,”shesaidbehindhim.“Refrigerator ’sempty.”

Theurgetoturnaroundandlookatherwasoverwhelming;hewasabsolutelysureshewasatleast

half-nakednow.Godhelphim.Heforcedhisfeettomovehimoutoftheroom.

Maceywasn’texaggeratingwhenshesaidtherewasn’tmuchinthefridge.Atubofbutterandtwo

orangesodas—thatwasall.Thefreezerwasbare.Shewasasbadashewasaboutfeedingherselfat
home.

Chineseitwas,then.Hedugupaphonebookinoneofthekitchendrawersandcalledaplacethat

advertiseddelivery.Hedidn’tknowexactlywhatMaceylikedsoheorderedfourdifferentdinners,
pluseggrolls,crabrangoonandwontonsoup.Afterhehungup,hesatthereonthecouchthinking
abouttheday.They’dbeenthroughthewringer.Hecouldfeelhisexhaustionineverylastmuscle.
Maybetonighthewouldsleepsoundlyonceagain.

Thesilenceoftheapartmentsuddenlyregisteredandherealizedhehadn’theardanythingfrom

Macey.Nowatersplashing,notubdraining…nothing.Hehoppedupandrushedtothebathroom
door.

“Mace?”Heknockedsoftlywithoneknuckle.

Shedidn’trespond.

“Macey.Youokay?”

Stillnoanswer.Hebargedthroughthedoor.Herheadwasabovethesurface,barely,andhereyes

blinkedopen.Shesatup,confused.

“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasked,becomingmorealert.

“You…whatareyoudoing?”Assoonasheknewshewasokay,hecouldn’thelpnoticingher

breasts,half-coveredinsuds.Hisbodyreactedimmediately.

Shelookedaroundher.“IthinkIfellasleep.”

“Ithoughtyoudrowned,”hesaid.Hekneltbythetubandtookherhand.“Don’tdothattome,Mace.

Onescareinadayisplenty.”

Sherelaxedagainstthebackofthetubagain,notseemingtomindbeingexposed.Derekdidn’t

mind,either,unlessyouconsideredthebloodrushingsouthwithnoreliefinsight.

“Willyouhelpmewashmyhair?”Maceyasked.“I’mtootiredtostandupandruntheshower,butI

needtogetthesaltwateroutofit.”

Derekspottedabottleofshampooonashelfaboveherhead.Hestoodtogetit,knowingifshe

openedhereyesandlookedintherightplace,shewouldseeexactlyhowturnedonhewas.Hereyes
wereclosed,though.

Hetookthedrinkingcupnexttothesinkandusedittopourwateroverherhead.Heputadabof

shampoointohispalmandlathereditup,thenbeganmassagingitintoMacey’shair.Shebenttoward
him,leaningonthesideofthetubandrestinghercheekonherarmsohecouldreachherbetter.The
wholetimeshekepthereyesclosed,andhecouldtellbythelookonherfaceshewascontent.More
thancontent.

Hetookhistimeworkingthesoapthrougheverypartofherlonghair,rubbingherscalp,her

temples,herneck.Afterherinsedouttheshampoo,shepointedtotheotherbottleontheshelfand
mutteredsomethingaboutconditioner.

Heretrievedthatbottleandstartedtheprocessalloveragain.Hecombedhisfingersthroughthe

sleek,slipperystrandsofherhair,lovingthefeelofit.Hesupportedherneckinhishandashe
pouredwateroverhertorinsetheconditionerout.

“Yourwater ’sgettingcool.Whydidn’tyoutellme?”

Shesatupstraightandglancedaroundherasifcomingoutofatrance.“Ididn’tnotice.Thatfeltso

good.Thankyou.”

Hereachedbetweenherfeettodrainthetubandrealizedshe’dbeeninsolongthatthebubbleshad

mostlydisappeared,whichmadeherentirebodyvisible.HeclosedhiseyesbrieflyandbeggedGod
forstrength.

Shestartedtostandandheheldhishandouttohelpherup.Thenhebentdowntogetthebigtowel

andtospreadoutthebathmat.Assheclimbedoutofthetub,hesteadiedherwithhishandsonher
narrowwaist.

“I’mfine,Dare.Butyou’rewelcometohelpme.”Thesmileshegavehimhintedatmischief.Did

sheknowwhatshewasdoingtohim?Wassheenjoyingthistorture?

Becausehewas.Toomuch.

Heheldoutthetowelandwrappeditaroundherwhensheturnedherbacktohim.Herisked

pressingaquickkisstothesideofherneckbeforesteppingaway.Hewasnotgoingtomakeamove
onheraftershe’dnearlydrowned.

Atthatmoment,aknocksoundedonthedoorinthelivingroom.

“Dinner,”hesaid,havingforgottenaboutthathunger.“Getsomeclothesonandjoinme.”

ACEY’SBODYSTILL

tingledfromhavingDerekhelpherbathe.Thescalpmassagehadbeensensuous

anderotic.Thewayhe’dcaressedherwithaslow,gentletouch…she’dimaginedhimtouchingother
partsofherbodywithsuchtenderness.

ShenolongercaredhowstupiditwouldbetosleepwithDerek.Shewouldn’thaveanotherchance

onceshelefttheisland.Itwasnowornever,andeventhoughsheknewitwouldbeaone-timethingif
ithappened,shemuchpreferredthepainofhavinghimandthensayinggoodbyetohimoverpassing
upthechancetobewithhim.Besides,maybesomegoodsexwouldhelphimtemporarilyforgethis
woes.Shedidn’taimtotakeJulie’splacebyanymeans.Justtodistracthim.

AsmuchasshewantedDerek,shewashavingtroublemakingthefirstmove.She’dneverbeen

sexuallyaggressiveandwastooshytotakeboldaction.It’dbeenhardenoughaskinghimtowashher
hair,eventhoughtherewastechnicallynothingsexualaboutit.

Ifthewayherbodythrobbedwas“nothingsexual,”thenshewasinfortroubleifDerekactuallydid

pickuponhersignalsandgiveherwhatsheneeded.

Maceyfinisheddryingherbodyandtoweledherhairaswellasshecould,thenwenttotheclosetin

herroomandpulledoutherpinkterry-clothrobe.Therewasnothingsexyaboutit,butshedidn’t
reallyownanythingsexy.Andshewasn’treadytobethatobvious.ShewantedDerektofeelwhatshe
wasfeelingwithoutanypropsorcontrivedsetups.

Sheranapickthroughherdamphairasquicklyasshecould,feelingexhaustedandweakfromher

unfortunatedisagreementwiththegulf.

“Thereyouare,”hesaidwhensheenteredthekitchen.“Iwasbeginningtowonderifyou’dpassed

outagain.”

TherewereenoughcardboardboxesofChinesefoodtofeedtheentireapartmentcomplexandthen

some.

“Hopeyou’rehungry,”hesaidashetookouttwodinnerplatesfromthecabinetnexttothesink.

“Alittle.Actually,alot,nowthatIsmellit.”

Sheheapedbothfriedandsteamedriceonherplate,plusgarlicchickenandpepperbeef.Anegg

rollandtwocrabrangoons.Sheleftallthesoupforhim.

“Hungrymuch?”Dereksaidfrombehind,lookingoverhershoulder.Shecouldfeelhisbreathon

herneckandsheshivered.

“Suddenlyfamished.Thanksforstockingup.”

“Ithoughttherewasenoughfortwoormoremeals,butthatwasbeforeyoutoreintoit.”

Theyateonthelivingroomfloor,leaningagainstthecouch.Derekquizzedher—skeptically,she

couldtell—abouthersandcastlelessonandthetipstheSandManhadpassedalong.

Maceydidn’tendupeatingallthefoodshe’dtaken.Halfwaythroughthemeal,shesetherplateon

theendtableandstretchedoutonthecouch,fatiguesettlingintoeveryinchofher.

Thenextthingsheknew,shewasinherbedwithDereknotevenafootawayfromher.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

EREKWASSLEEPING

lightlyenoughthathefeltMaceyturnovertofacehim.Hesmelledher

shampooandlilacscentasshemovedcloser.

Hewasagluttonforpunishment….Otherwisewhywouldhebeinthesamebedasher?

He’dcarriedherherewitheveryintentionofreturningtothelivingroomandsleepingonthe

couch.Shewasokaynow,herbrushwithdangerwasoverandeverythingwasfine,buthehadn’t
wantedtoleaveher.Whenshe’dtuggedathimsleepilyashetuckedherin,he’dbeensoeasily
swayedheshouldbeashamed.He’dquicklyputthefoodawayandcleanedtheirdishes,gotherbag
andhisclothesfromEvan,thenclimbedinnexttoher.

Maceyranherfingersoverhisbarearmnowandherealizedshewasn’tjustshiftinginhersleep.

Shewasmoreawakethanhe’dthought.Alightoutsidecastjustenoughofaglowthathecouldmake
outherface,ameretwoinchesfromhis.“Dare…”

“You’resupposedtobesleeping.”Itwasoneofthedumbestthingshe’deversaidtoawomanin

bedwithhim.

“Islept.Hard.”Shetrailedherfingerstohischest.“Ididn’twantyoutoleavetonight.”

“Shh.I’mhere.”

Stupidmovenumbertwo:hereachedoutandpulledherevencloser.Hecouldfeelherwarmbody,

stillinthefuzzyrobe,alongthelengthofhis.Thenhefeltabarelegcurlingoverhis.Hisbody
sprangtolifeandtherewasnohidinghowhefelt.

Beforehecouldgivehimselfyetanotherroundoftheyou-aren’t-going-to-take-advantage-of-her-

after-she-nearly-drownedtalk,Macey’slipswereonhis,decisiveandinsistent.Therewashalfa
secondwhenheconsideredstoppingher,butthenhegavehimselfovertothehungerhe’dtriedto
denyforweeks.

Theirtonguestangled,explored,slidoverteeth,lips,eachother.Hefeltaprimalurgetotasteevery

lastinchofher.Hetrailedhislipsoverherjawlinetoherearandnibbledonit,makingMaceysuckin
herbreathandthenletoutherpleasureinthemostalluringsound—halfsighandhalfmoan—he’d
everheard.

Hecouldn’tkeephishandsoffher,everybitofher.Sheuntiedherrobeandopenedit,andheslid

thesleevesoffherarmsoneatatime.Whenhe’dfreedherfromit,hetossedittothefloorandpulled
herontopofhim.Herbreastsspilledoverhischestandhepalmedthemasshereturnedherlipsto
his.Hefoundonenippleandteasedit,beadeditbetweenhisfingerandthumb,feelingitpebbleunder
histouch.Hedrewherupwardsohecouldreplacehisfingerswithhistongue.

Inalltheyearshe’dknownMacey,he’dneveronceguessedshe’dbethisresponsiveandpassionate

inbed.Shewasn’tshywithhimintheleast,contrarytowhathewould’veexpected.Asifsheneeded
todrivethatpointhome,sheslidhisshortsoverhisachingshaftanddownhislegs,threwthemover
hershoulder,thentookhiminhermouth.

Sweetheaven.Shewasgoingtokillhimandhewasgoingtoloveeverydyingsecond.

Hemoanedandfeltthepressureinsidehimbuilding,climbinginnotimeatall.Afteralltheseyears

they’dknowneachother,itwouldbewrongforthistobeoverinthirtysecondsflat,sohepulledher
gentlyuptokissherlips,andtriedtoslowthingsdown.

“You’remakingmecrazy,Mace.”

“That’skindofthepoint.”

Hefelthersmileasshekissedhimagain.

“Icandefinitelyappreciatethat,butIwanttomakethislast,”hesaidhuskily.

“Lastingisagoodthingifyoucandoit.”

“Isthatachallenge?”

“Maybe.”Shedraggedherbreastsoverhisfleshandhecaughtherupagainsthim,stoppingthe

frictionbutmakingthetouchnolesspleasurable.Hishandsmovedlowertoherperfectass.

“IthinkI’muptothechallenge.”

“Up?”Maceywhispered.“Yes.Definitely.”Shegropedhimagaintoemphasizeherpoint.

Forthefirsttimeinmonths,Derekfeltalive.

ACEYSUDDENLYFOUND

herselfflippedontoherbackwithDerekontopofher.Shegrinnedto

herself,knowingthatthiswasfinallygoingtohappen.Basedonthepastfewminutes,shewas
confidentitwouldbethemostamazingexperienceofherlife.Aftersomanyyearsofwantinghim,
hewashereinherbed,wildforherandmakingherabsolutelyfranticwithneed.

Hetookhistimeexploringherbodyandshelethim,becauseeverytimeshetriedtoreturnthe

favor,heheldherwristsdownandtoldhertolethimdowhathewasdoing.Shedidn’ttakemuch
convincing.Witheverythinghedidtoher,herneedgrew,tothepointshewaspractically
whimpering.

“Derek,please,”shesaid.

Heworkedhiswayuptokissherlips,andstaredintohereyesinthedarkness.“Pleasewhat?”

“Youareawickedman.”

Hegrinned.“Wicked,huh?”

“Evil.”

“AllthisattentionI’mgivingyouandI’mevil?”

Heheldhisbodyoverhers,notquitetouching.Whenshearchedherbacktogetcloser,hemoved

justoutofherreach.Afterafewroundsofcatandmouse,Maceydirectedhisbodytotheexactplace
sheneededhim.

“Protection?”hewhispered,soundingasneedyasshefelt.

Sheclosedhereyesforasecond,insanelytemptedtobecarelessandstupidanddowithout.

“Nightstand,”shesaid.“Drawer.”

Aftertheirrun-ininthisverybedroomacoupleweeksago,she’dboughtaboxofcondoms.Not

becauseshetrulythoughtsheandDerekwouldneedthem,butbecauseshe’dexperiencedfirsthand
howthoroughlyshelosthermindwhenhetouchedher.It’dbeenahugejust-in-casepurchase.One
sheenthusiasticallyapplaudednow.

Heleanedover,openedthedrawer,pulledoutapacketandsheathedhimself,takingnomorethan

fiveseconds.Itseemedlikeminutes.

Finally,hemovedbackontopofher,andMaceywrappedherarmsaroundhim,treasuringthis

moment,wishingitcouldlastforever.Theireyesmetasheenteredher,andshewassofulloflove
forhimthattearsblurredhisimage.Shetriedtomemorizeeveryoneofhisfeatures,hisexpressions,
thesoundshemade,becausethiswasn’tsomethingthatwouldhappenagain.

Derekwhisperedthingstoher—howbeautifulshewas,howgoodshefelt.Allofitmadehermelta

littlemore.

Sheranherhandsoverhim,lovingthefeelofhismuscles,hisstrength,thehairathisnape,the

anglesofhisface.Thensheforgotabouteverythingelseashepushedherhigherandhigher.

Sheheldontohimashetookhertoanintoxicating,amazingrelease.Thesoundofhernameonhis

lipshadatoe-curlingeffect,ormaybethatwaseverythingelsehewasdoingtoherbody.Herheart
expandedandoverflowedwithherfeelingsforhim.

Derekpressedkissestoherneck,herjaw,herlips,nibblingandteasingher.Sheheldhimtightly,

withnointentionofeverlettinggo.Theirbreathinggraduallyslowedandherolledtohisside,taking
herwithhim,theirbodiesstillentwined.

Heseemedjustasreluctantasshewastoletitend.

“IfI’dknownallittooktogetyouinmybedwastonearlydrown,Iwould’vethrownmyselfinthe

seaagesago,”Maceysaid,unabletostopsmiling.

Hisarmstightenedaroundher.“Don’tevensaythat.IwassodamnscaredwhenIsawyourheadgo

underoutthere….”Derekkissedherforeheadandbrushedherhairfromherface.“Icouldn’tstandit
ifsomethinghappenedtoyou.”

“Nothingdid.Youcametomyrescue.Shh,nomoreaboutthat.Let’sjustenjoythis.”

Hechuckled.“Enjoyisonewordforit.Thatwasprettydamnamazing,woman.”

“Notbadatall,”shesaid,stiflingthegrinthatwouldn’tquit.

“Notbad?”Hegrippedhermoretightly,takingherbreathaway.“Caretorephrasethat?”

Shelaughedandtriedtoholdout,butthenhetickledheratthewaist.Hewasplayingdirty,using

infohe’dhadsincetheywerekidstopinpointhermostticklishspot.“Thebest.”

Heloosenedhisgripandkissedher.“That’smorelikeit.”

Maceyburrowedintohischest,takinginhisscent,hisheartbeat,hiscoarsehairagainsthercheek.

Shecouldn’tremembereverfeelingthiscontentinherlife.

“Iloveyou,Dare,”shewhisperedasshedriftedtowardsleep.

NotnoticingthatDerek’swholebodytensed.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

EREKWAITEDFOR

Macey’sbreathingtoevenoutbeforeheslidfromunderherandtook

refugeinthebathroom.Hecleanedupandputonhisnow-dryclothes,thenreturnedtothebedroom
andstaredatMacey.Shewasasleepinthemiddleofthebed,thesheetstangledaroundherlegs,
leavingmostofherbodyvisibleinthedimlight.

Hecouldn’tletherlovehim.Couldn’tloveherback.He’dbeenanidiottogetinvolvedtonight,and

thesadthingwasthathe’dknownitgoingin,buthadn’tcared.He’dbeensobowledoverhe’dletthe
sexhappen.

Heshould’veleftwhenshe’dfallenasleeponthecouch.

Regretsweren’tgoingtodoanyoneadamnbitofgood,soheturnedandwalkedaway,straightto

herfrontdoor.Helethimselfoutintothemuggynightandmadehiswayhometohiscondoandhis
dog,wholookedupathimfromhisbrand-newkennelasifDerekhadlethimdown,too,bystaying
awaysolong.

DerektookBurnabyoutdoorstorelievehimselfandsetoutfoodandwater.Thenhewenttohis

mostlyunusedbedroomandsatontheedgeofthebed.Juliestaredathimfromtheframeonthe
nightstandandhisheartpounded.

“I’msorry,Jules,”hewhispered.“Imadeabigmistake.”

TWASJUSTBEFOREDAWN

whenMaceystirred.Shestretchedandfeltsoremusclesinplacesshedidn’t

normally.Theneverythingabouthermind-blowingnightwithDerekfloodedbacktoher.Shelazed
thereinthedarkshadows,remembering,replayingtheirlovemakinginhermindlikeamovie.Avery
R-ratedmovie.IttookseveralminutestorealizethatDerekwasnolongerwithher.Thathissideof
thebedwascoolandhadn’tbeensleptin.Sherolledtoherstomachandcameuponherelbows,
tryingtorecallwhenhe’dleft.Butshehadnoidea.He’dgonewhileshewassleeping,likesomeone
whohadmajorregretsaboutsomethinghe’ddone.

Shedroppedherheadtothepillow.Shewasaregret.ThemostmagicalnightofherlifeandDerek

regrettedit.

No,thatwasn’tnecessarilytrue.Hemightnothaveregretteditifshehadn’tbeendumbenoughto

tellhimshelovedhim.Hermindhadbeenhazyandshe’dbeenabouttodriftoff,butshe’dbeen
consciousofwhatshewassaying.She’dmeanttotellhimshelovedhim.

Sonowhereshewas,alone.

She’dtotallyscrewedup.Sayingshelovedhimmadeitsoundasifshehadfutureplanswithhim,

wantedmorefromhim.Well,ofcourse,inaperfectworldshedid.Butherworldwasfarfrom
perfectandshewasn’tafteranythingmore.She’dtoldhimthatearlierandmeantit.She’dgoneinto
lastnightknowingtheywouldn’thaveafuturetogetherbeyondfriendship.Nowitlookedasifeven
thatwasruined.

Thepainshe’dknownwouldeventuallyhithernearlyknockedherout.Hereyesstung.Sherolled

overtoherbacktostareattheceiling,unabletothinkofasinglereasontogetoutofbed.Stillnaked,
sheshiveredandbenttopullthetwistedblanketsupoverherbody.

Itwastimetogohome.

ACEYCARRIEDHERFEW

possessionsouttoherneglectedCorolla.Anotherwonderfulpartofisland

life—beingabletowalkjustabouteverywhere.Andhavingawesomescenerywherevershewent.

She’dspentthepastfewhourspackingandthinkingaboutallthethingsshewasgoingtomiss

aboutSanAmaroIsland.Well,almostall.Shehadn’tallowedherselftodwellonDerekforasingle
minute.Itwasgoingtohurttoobadlyandshedidn’twanttobreakdownyet.Didn’thavetheenergyto
handlethatmuchsadness.Shehadtheentireeight-hourdrivehometoreckonwiththat.

Herbodyachedfromherordealinthewaterthedaybefore.Thenshe’dgottenonlyafewhoursof

sleep.Andtowakeupbeforethesunandfacesuchagargantuanscrewup…Shewasrunningon
autopilot,prayingshe’dmakeitthroughthedrive.

Thethoughtofstayinghereforanothernight,heck,evenanotherhour,madeherwanttoweep.She

couldn’tstandtosleepinabedthatheldsomanymemories.Everyplaceontheislandremindedher
ofDerekinsomeway.Ifshegotsleepyonthedrivehome,she’dpulloverandsnoozeforafew
minutes.

“Hey,Macey.”Evancamedownthestairsafewsecondsafterher.

“Hi.”Shetriedhardtosoundnormal.

“You’releaving?”heasked.

Shenodded,herthroattighteningenoughthatspeakingwasn’tadvisable.

“Ithoughtyouwerehereforanotherweek.”

Sheswallowedandclosedhereyesforamoment.“Ihavetogonow.”

“Letmeopenthat.”Hetookherkeysandunlockedthetrunkofhercar,thenliftedhersuitcase

inside.Shewasalsocarryingherpillow,andheldittightlytoherchest.“You’reokayfromyesterday,
though,right?”

Yesterday.YesterdaywasDerek.MaceylookedupinquestionatEvan.

“Dereksaidyounearlydrowned.Areyouokay?”

“Oh.”That.“Yes.I’mfine.”Absolutelygreat.

“WhereisDerek?”EvanlookedtowardMacey’sapartmentdoor,thenupanddownthesidewalk

liningtheparkinglot.Shedidn’tfollowhisgaze.SheknewDerekwasnowherenear.

“He’s…Idon’tknow.Athome.Atwork.”Shehonestlycouldn’trememberifhewasscheduled

today.AllsheknewwasthatAndiehadtakenMacey’sshift,forwhichshe’dbeeternallygrateful.

Evanwasstaringtoocloselyathernow.“What’sgoingon,Macey?Somethinghappenedbetween

youtwo,didn’tit?”

Thetearsthathadstalledoutearlierweresuddenlyfightingtopourfromhereyes.Shenodded,

studyingthepavementinearnest.

“Didhedosomethingtoyou?”Evanasked.

Maceyquicklyshookherhead.“It’sokay.Hedidn’tdoanythingwrong.”Shesuckedinabreath.“I

did.”Shecouldn’tlookatEvan.Shewastooclosetolosingitcompletely.

Hereachedoutandsqueezedherforearm.“Sorrytohearthat,”hesaid.“Iwould’veputmoneyon

thetwoofyou.”

Thatwasthebreakingpoint,andhershakingshouldersgaveawayhersilentsobs.

“Macey.It’sokay….”

Evandidn’tseemlikethetypewhowouldhandleabawlingwomanwellifitwashismotheror

sister,letalonesomecrazytemporaryneighborhe’dtakenononedate,onlytohaveheradmitto
caringaboutanotherguy.

Shenoddedandforcedasmile.“Iknow.Everything’sokay.”Buthernextbreathwasraspyandshe

laugheduneasily.Borderlinehysterically.“Sorry.I’mamess.”

Hedrewherovertotheparkinglotcurbandsatthembothdown.Shepulledherpillowmore

snuglyagainsther.Thesurroundingcarsshieldedthem,soshenolongerfeltlikeafreakondisplay.

Maceybentoverherpillowandhidherfaceinit,squintinghereyesandwillingawaythe

overwhelmingneedtocrysomemore.Afterafewseconds,shesuckedinaslow,steadyingbreath
andbracedherself.

“WhywouldyouthinkDerekandIwouldmakeit?Weweren’ttogether.”

Evanshrugged.“JustgotthatvibewhenItalkedtohim.”

“Youtalkedtohim?”She’dsensedthetensionbetweenthetwomensomanytimes,andwondered

whatkindofasceneshe’dmissed.

“Hestoppedbythestation.”

“Thefirestation?”

“Thefirestation.”

“Whatfor?”Maceyknewhereyeswerebulging,butatleastthey’dstoppedwatering.IfDerekwas

thinkingaboutgoingbacktofirefighting,that’dbethebestnews….

“Juststoppedby.Ishowedhimaround.Thecaptaintoldhimhe’dlovetohavehim.”

“AndDerek’sresponse?”

“Noncommittal.”

Sherefusedtoletthatdampenherhope.Maybehewasmakingprogresstowardgettingalifeback.

She’dhavetocallAndieperiodicallytocheckinandmakesurehewasokay,onceshewasbackin
Dallas.Atthispointitdidn’tseemlikelyshe’dbeabletocallhimdirectly.

“Thisisalottoask,especiallyafterIcriedalloveryou,plusmessedupourdate….”Maceybowed

herheadandlaughed.“Youmusthateme,actually.”

Evanlaughed,too.“Strangely,no.What’salottoask?”

“CouldyoukeeptryingtoconvinceDerektojointhedepartment?”

“Hewon’tlistentome.”

“It’dhavetobesubtle,ofcourse.Ifheknowsyouhaveanagendaanditcomesfromme,he’lljust

getmad.”

“Hewon’tbereceptivetopressure.I’mnotsurewhatallhappenedtohimbutIcantellitwas

heavy.”

“Itwas.”Shenoddedsadly,wishingtherewasaguaranteedwaytoleadDerekbacktohiscareer.

“Maybejust…stopbythebareveryonceinawhile?Evenseeingyouwillforcehimtothinkaboutthe
firedepartment.”

“That’sabigfavoryou’reasking.Stoppingbyabaronthebeach?Idon’tknow….”

Shehithisthigh,actuallyforgettingforafewsecondsthatherlifehadtakenaturnfortheworse.

Thenshecheckedherwatchandrealizeditwaslaterthanshethought.“Ineedtogo.Longdrive
ahead.”

“YougoingtobeokayallthewaytoDallas?”heasked.“Youseemprettywipedout.”

“Ihavetogetaway.I’llbefine.”

“IfIdidn’thavetoworkinthemorningI’ddriveyouupthere.”

“Whyareyousonicetome?”

Hestaredatherforseveralseconds.“Noidea.Seemslikethethingtodo.”

Hestoodandshedidthesame,thenopenedthedoorofhercar.

“Thanksforeverything,Evan.Todayandbefore.”

“It’snothing.Ifyoucomebacktotheisland,besuretolookmeuptosayhello.”

Shenodded,triedtosmileandgotinthecar.Asshedroveaway,though,shewascertainshe

wouldn’thaveasinglereasontocomebackhere.

“D

IDYOURDOGKICKTHE

bucketorwhat?”AndieaskedfrombehindDerek.

Hewhippedaround,scowling.“What?”Heglancedoutsidethebartowherehe’dtiedBurnaby.The

poochwaslyingintheshadeofatallenclosurethatkepttheDumpsteroutofsight.“Dog’sfine.”

“ThenI’mgoingoutonalimbhereandbettingyourmoodisrelatedtoMacey’sleavingthe

island.”

“Shedoesn’tleavetillSaturday.”Onlyafewdaysofavoidingher.It’dbeasimpletaskifthey

didn’tworktogethernearlyeveryday.“Whyisn’tsheworkingrightnow?”heasked,suddenly
realizingAndiehadopenedinMacey’splace.

Andiestaredathimwithanoddlookonherface,asympathetichalfgrin.“Youdon’tknow,do

you?”

Derekwasn’tinthemoodtoplayaguessinggamesoheturnedtotheprepareaandwipeditclean.

Fromthesoundofit,hedidn’twanttoknowwhatevershewastalkingabout.

“She’sleaving,ifnotgonealready.Shecalledmetotakeseveralofhershifts.Kevintookthe

others.Everything’scovered.Saidyoushouldmailherfinalpaychecktohermother ’shousein
Dallas.Iwrotedowntheaddressifyouneedit.”

Derekhadstoppedscrubbingatthewordleaving.Maceywasleavingtheislandearly?Without

sayingawordtohim?Theedginessthathadbeendrivinghimallmorningturnedintofull-outanger.

Shecouldn’tjusttakeoff.Shehadajobhere.Hedidn’tcareifshe’darrangedtocoverhershifts….

Youdidn’tjustboltwithoutnotice.

Hesnappedthetowelintothebucketinthecorner,causingthewatertosplashup.“I’mgoingto

stopher.”

“Youcan’t,Derek.”

HeglaredatAndie.Shedidn’tknowwhatthehellshewastalkingabout.

“You’rethelastpersonshewantstosee.”

Thatstoppedhimcold.Heslammedhisfistdownonthemetalrefrigeratorunitthatservedasthe

preparea,andletoutastreamofcursesattheintensepaintohishand.Severalcustomerslookedhis

waybutheignoredthem.Barelynoticedthem.

“She’sprobablyalreadygone,anyway,”Andiecontinued.“Nothingyoucandonow.”

Thatwasthetruth,orpartofit.Theotherpartwasthatheshouldn’tdoanythingaboutMacey.

“Probablyagoodthingsheleftearly,”hefinallymuttered.

“Ha.Keeptellingyourselfthat.”

Andiewanderednonchalantlytothebackroom,whichpracticallymadesteamcomeoutofDerek’s

ears.Hewasn’tkiddinghimselfaboutanythinganymore.Theonlytimehe’ddonethatwaswhilehe
wasinMacey’sbed.

“Counter ’sdirty.”Gus’sgruffvoicecomingfromthevicinityofhisusualstooldidnothingto

sootheDerek.

“Cleanityourself,”heretorted.

InsteadofthebossyreplyDerekexpected,hisunclemadehiswaybehindthebartowardthebucket.

Derekwatchedhimpickupatowelandwringitout.ItwasamatterofminutesbeforeGusfoundout
aboutMaceyandlaidintoDerekforscaringheroff.

“Hello,Andie-girl,”Guscalledouttothebackroom.

“Hey,Gus.Needaburger?”

“BelieveIdo.Andsomewhiskey.”ThelastbithesaidtoDerek,whothoughthecouldusesome

hardstuffaswelltoday.

DerekpouredGus’sdrinkashisunclewipeddownhalfthebarcounter.Watchingtheoldmantryto

work,Derekfeltlikeajerk.“Givemethat.Notyourjobanymore.”

“Icanstillwipedownthebar,”Gussaid,buthesurrenderedthetoweltoDerekandtookhisplace

onhisstool.

“Where’syourwoman?”Derekasked.

“Gettingherhaircutandcurled.Where’syours?”

“Shediedinafire.”

“Dammit,boy,IknowaboutJulieandI’msorryashell.”Hetookagulpofwhiskey.“Youknow

damnwellI’mtalkingaboutMacey.”

“She’snotmywomanandshewentbacktoDallas.”

“Abitearly,isn’tit?”

“Yep.Iscaredheroff.”Hemightaswellconfess—thatwaseasierthanhearingGusspoutoffabout

howhe’dmessedup.

Gusstudiedhiminuncharacteristicsilence.Tookanotherswallow.Thenhenodded.“It’sdifficult.”

“What’sdifficult?”

“Lettinggo.Knowingwhentoletgo.”

Derekmovedtothebarandleanedonit,unwillingtohavecustomersoverheartheirconversation.

“Iknowit’snotthesame,butIhadahellofatimelettinggoofthisbarandeverythingitstoodfor.

Myindependence.Abilitytoearnaliving.Lifeoutsidethejailhouse,asIusedtocalltheoldfolks’
home.”

“Notthesamethingatall.”

“Samething,no.Ialreadysaidthat.Butleavingonepartofyourlifebehindtomoveontothenext.

Hatetotellyou,butyoudohavetomoveonsometime,beitnoworayearfromnow.”

Andiebroughtoutabasketwithaburgerandfries,andsetitinfrontofGus.“Nopickles.Extra

cheese.Treadlightly,thisguy’sinablackmoodandIhavetoworkwithhimallday.”

ShewentoutsidetocleantablesbeforeDerekcouldsayanything.Twocustomersapproachedthe

barandDerektooktheirorder,handedovertheirbottlesofbeerandcollectedtheirmoneyasGus
watchedhimclosely.Derektookhissweettimecleaning,restocking,checkingthetrash.More
customersambledinandheandAndiespentagoodhalfanhourwaitingoneveryone.Whenithad
calmeddownagain,Gusgesturedhimover.

“Tellmeonething,”hisunclesaid.“DidthingsnotworkoutbetweenyouandMaceybecauseyou

don’thavetherightkindoffeelingsforher,orbecauseofJulie?”

“It’sonlybeensixmonthssincethefire.”

Gusnodded.“SoyoudocareaboutMacey.”

“We’redonewiththisconversation,”Dereksaid,goingtotheicemachinetoloosenthecubesfrom

thesides.

“Mightbe,butitdoesn’tchangethefactthatyou’rethrowingawaythepossibilityforagoodfuture

becauseyoucan’tletgoofthepast.IsthatwhatJuliewouldwantforyou?”

“Whattime’sthebuspickingyouuptoday,Gus?”

Wouldn’tbesoonenough.

Itwasthesameoldthing.Gusdidn’tunderstand.He’dneverlostsomeoneasDerekhad.Couldn’t

understandthatjustflippingaswitchandmovingonwasn’tthewayitworked.

Hewassureit’dbeenhardforGustoaccepthisnewlifestyle,butlosingthebarwasn’tremotely

thesameaslosingawoman.

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

“L

OOKATYOU

Macey!”KathySeverson,Derek’smother,slidoutoftheboothatGrace’s,the

restaurantsheandMacey’smomowned,andheldoutherarmsforahug.“You’retannedand
beautiful.”

Hertanhadactuallyfadedintheweekshe’dbeenback.“It’sgoodtoseeyou,Mrs.S.Hi,Mom.”

“Hi,sweetie.”

Mrs.Seversonhadjustgottenbackintotownfromaconference.Maceyandhermomhadbeen

livingunderthesameroofforsevendays,butthey’dhardlyhadachancetocatchup.Maceyhad
kickedintohighgearwithhernonprofitfoundation,workingongrantproposalsandsoliciting
supportfromlocalbusinesspeopleduringdaytimehours.Hermomhadbeenworkingnightsbecause
they’dhadamanagerquitandhadn’tyetreplacedhim.Thiswasthefirsttimethethreeofthemhad
hadachancetomeetandcatchup.

Maceyslidinnexttohermotherandkissedhercheek.“Goodtoseeyou,stranger.”

“Youshouldslowdownabit,”hermomsaid.

“Me?”Shechuckled.“Hello,Pot.I’mKettle.Amuchyoungerkettlethanyou,Imightadd.”

“I’mfifty-one,mydear.Notquitereadytohangitupyet.”

“Aslongasyoutakecareofyourself,”Maceysaid,studyingthenewishwrinklesonhermom’s

faceupclose.

“I’mdoinggreat,honey.Quitworryingaboutme.”

“Youlookgood,”shedeclared,butshe’dneverfullyrelaxandbelievethecancerwouldn’tbeback.

Theoddswerelow—it’dbeenalmostfifteenyears—butMaceywasn’twillingtoletherguarddown.

“Youlooktiredyourself,”hermomreplied.

Mrs.SeversonperusedMaceywithacriticaleyefromacrossthesmalltable.“You’reright,Cheryl.

Shedoes.Thetancoversitupfromadistance,but,Macey,honey,youdon’tlooksohot.”

“Gee,thanks.”Shetookasipoftheicewaterinfrontofher.“I’vebeenworkingmytailoffall

week,thankyou.”

“How’sthatgoing?”Derek’smomasked.

“SlowerthanI’dlike,butI’mgettingsomesubstantialdonations.”She’dmanagedtosecureabouta

thirdofherinitialgoalthispastweek,thanksinlargeparttooneofherlatefather ’sfriends,who’d
givengenerously.She’dbeensuccessfulwithahandfulofothersaswell,butonasmallerscale.

AwaitershowedupattheirtabletotakeMacey’sdrinkorder.Shenoticedbothwomenhadglasses

ofredwine.“Couldyouhavethebartendermakemeacustomdrink?”

“Ifyoucantellmewhat’sinit,shecantry.She’sgood,”thewaitersaid.

“Betterthangood,Alberto.Deirdre’sthebestaround.”Mrs.Seversonglancedtowardthebarand

raisedherwineglassinsalutewhenshecaughtthebartender ’seye.

MaceyaskedtoborrowAlberto’spenandwrotetheingredientsandproportionsonacocktail

napkin.Shehandedittothewaiter,whoreadthelisttohimself.

“Interestingconcoction,”hesaid.

“It’scalledaSandblaster.ThespecialtydrinkofmyfavoritebaronSanAmaroIsland.”

“Derek’sbar,”Mrs.SeversonsaidasthewaitertooktheordertoDeirdre.

“TheShellShack,”Maceyagreed.“Allthetouristshavetotrya’Blaster.”

“Isthebardoingokay?”Mrs.S.asked.

Maceynodded.“Reallywell,actually.”

“Youmust’vehelpedthatalongquiteabit.Ican’tbelieveDerekwasupforitinthestatehe’sbeen

in.”

“He’snotexactlyabusinessman,”Maceysaid,smilingwistfullyassherememberedsomeoftheir

discussionsandargumentsaboutthechangesshe’dimplemented,includingcomingupwiththenow-
famousSandblaster.

“How’shedoing?”hermomasked.

Thequestionofthehour,andonethatMaceywasn’tsureshecouldanswer.Aftermorethana

monthtogether,shestillwasn’tsurehowmuchhe’drecoveredorwhetherherpresencehadhurtor
helped.“Heneedstobefightingfires.”

Thatmuchshewascertainof.

“Icanunderstandhishesitancy,”hermomsaid.

“Ican,too,”Maceyreplied,“butheneedsfirefighting.”

“Youthinkhe’llcomebackhere?”Mrs.S.asked,startled.

Maceyshookherhead.“Idon’tknowifheeverwill.Buthemightjointhefiredepartmentdown

there.HetookatourofthestationbeforeIleft.”

“Oh,Macey,that’sfantastic!”shesaid.“Youmust’vebeensuchahelptohim.”

“Uh,no.Iwish.IthinkIjustmadethingsworse.”

“No,honey.There’snowayyoucouldmakethemworse,”Mrs.Seversonsaid.“Youdidn’tseehim

beforehelefttown.”

Macey’smomnoddedsympathetically.“Ionlysawhimatthefuneral,buthewaslikearobot.Justa

bodygoingthroughthemotions.”

“Itwasheartbreaking.”Mrs.Seversongazedoffintospace,lookingasifshecouldbreakdownin

tearsanysecond.“Youdon’tthinkhe’sdoinganybetternow?”MaceywishedshecouldtellherDerek
wasbacktohisoldself.Sheseriouslywishedhewas,worriedmotherornot.

Albertosetherdrinkinfrontofher.“Deirdrewouldliketoknowifshecameclosewiththis.”

Maceytookalongsipthroughherstrawandclosedhereyes.Theislandandeverythingsheloved

aboutit—thelittleshackbar,thewaves,thesmellofthesea,Derek—itallcamebacktoherwiththe
singletaste.

“Perfect,”shesaid.“Sheisthebest.”

Albertonoddedinsatisfaction.Hetooktheirlunchordersandthenleftthethreewomenalone.

“Derek’smadealittleprogress,”Maceysaidafteranothersip.“Andiesaidheneversmiledor

laughedbeforeIcame,butIthinkthatchanged.Iforcedhimtodosometouristythingswithme.”

“Blessyourheart,”Mrs.S.said.

Maceysmiledsadly,rememberingthedolphincruiseandhowDerekhadseemedtocomealivefor

acoupleofhours.Eventhougheverythinghadsincecollapsedbetweenthem,thememoriesofthat
daywerestillmagical.

“Macey,honey,what’sgoingon?There’ssomethingyou’renottellingus.What’swrongwithmy

son?IsitworsethanI’mawareof?”

HowdidshetellhermomandDerek’swhathadhappened…withoutactuallyspellingitout?“He’s

goingtobeokay,”shesaidfinally.“ButIdon’tthinkheandIarestillfriends.”

“What?”hermothersaidinshock.“Youtwohavebeencloseforsolong.Idon’tbelievefora

minutethat’llchange.”

Mrs.Seversonwasstudyinghercritically.“Whathappened,honey?”

Maceysquirmed.Ifshecoulddisappearshewouldrightnow,gladly.“I…saidsomethingsI

shouldn’thave.”

“Didyougetfedupwithhim?”hermomasked.“Angry?Frustrated?Isthatwhathappened?”

“Well…thathappenedplenty,butthatwasn’twhatIwastalkingabout.”

“Hefoundouthowyoufeelabouthim,”Mrs.Seversonguessed.

“Wh-whatdoyoumean?”Maceyasked,suddenlysweating,eventhoughtherestaurantwaswellair-

conditioned.

Derek’smomputherhandoverMacey’sonthetabletop.“Iknowhowmuchyoucareabouthim.

We’veknownforyears,”sheadmitted,glancingatCherylforbackup.

“Sinceyoutwowerelittlekidswe’vehopedthatsomedayyou’denduptogether,”hermomsaid.

“Itstartedoutasaselfishthing.Wethoughtitwouldbeneattobein-lawsofsorts.Butthenwhen

youhithighschoolandhadsuchacrushonDerek…”

Maceycouldhavediedofembarrassment.“WhatmakesyouthinkIhadacrushonhim?”

“Oh,honey,itwaseasytosee,”Mrs.Seversonsaid.“Ofcourse,wewerewatchingforit.”

“DidDerekknow?”sheasked,terrified.Ifhe’dknownallthistimethatshewashalfinlovewith

him…Shecouldn’tstandtothinkaboutit.

ButMrs.S.wasshakingherhead.“ThatboyismysonandIlovehimlikenothingelse,butheisa

male.Hewasoblivious,I’mquitecertain.”

Maceyleanedagainstthebackofthebooth.Thankgoodness.

“Butnowheknows,”hismomcontinued,notreallyphrasingitasaquestion.

“Itoldhim—”Shebrokeoffandstaredatthemahoganytabletopandthedeepgreenclothnapkinin

frontofher.“I’msoembarrassed.IsaidtheLword.”

HermomputherhandonMacey’sthighandpattedit.

“Thisisgood,”Derek’smomsaid,noddingslowly,thoughtfully.

“Howmuchhaveyouhadtodrink?”Maceyaskedher,glancingaroundforanemptywinebottle.

Thiswasanythingbutgood.

“Somethinghastowakehimup,anditsoundslikeyoudidthat.”

“No.AllIdidwasscarehimaway.”

“Hedidn’ttakeyourdeclarationwell,huh?”Mrs.Seversonasked.

“Hetookoff.Ineversawhimagain.That’swhyIcamehomeearly.”

Bothwomennoddedandshewasthankfultheydidn’ttrytotellhershe’ddonethewrongthing.

“Somespacemightbewise,”hermomsaid.

“Hewasnodoubtsurprised,”hismomadded.

“Youguysdon’tgetit,doyou?Iruinedit.He’sstillmourningJulie.Hedoesn’twantanyoneelse

andIjustsuffocatedhimbylettinghimknowhowIfeel.”

“Didyouaskhimifhelovesyou?”

“Noway.”Thatwastheonethingshe’ddoneright….She’dletitgoassoonasshe’d,well,letitgo.

“Thethingisthetiminghasneverbeenrightforus,anditneverwillbe.Ipickedtheworstpossible
momenttotellhim.”

Mrs.Seversonshookherheadadamantly.“Idisagree,Macey.Ithink,atlonglast,thetimingwas

exactlyright.IlikedJuliejustfineandIwishlikethedickensithadn’tendedlikeitdid.Buthe’sstill
alive,whetherhe’sfiguredthatoutornot.He’sgothiswholelifeaheadofhim.Ijustknowhecares
deeplyforyou.Itmaytakehimsometimetogivehimselfpermissiontomoveon,butwhenhedoes,I
hopeyou’restillthereforhim.”

“Hedoesn’twanttoseeme.”

“Didhetellyouthat?”

“Notinwords.”

Nobodyspoke,andthesoundsofclinkingdishesandconversationaroundthemfadedtonothing

forMacey.Whensheturnedherheadtowardhermother,shesawherheadshakingslowly,asif
Maceywasthebiggestdisappointmentever.MaceylookedoveratMrs.Severson,whoseexpression
wasunreadable.

“What?”Maceydemanded.

Therewasalonghesitationbeforehermotherspoke.“Didn’tyougototheendsoftheearthto

becomemoreconfident,Macey?”

“YoumeanThailand?”ThequestioncamefromleftfieldandMaceystruggledtofollowhermom’s

trainofthought.

“Thailand.Yes.YoutoldmeyoujoinedthePeaceCorps,inpart,tobecomemoreaggressive,less

passive.”

“Yeah….”

Hermom’seyeswidenedmomentarily,asiftosay,Well?Maceyslowlygraspedhermeaning.

“YouthinkIneedtobemoreaggressivewithDerek.”

She’dsleptwithhim.Shecouldn’tbemuchmoreaggressivethanthat,couldshe?

“Ifyou’recomfortableleavingitwhereitis,thenleaveit.Ifyouthinkyou’vedoneeverythingyou

can,thenbyallmeans,moveon,mydear.”

Albertoapproachedandsetupastandtoputhislargeroundtrayon.Maceyhardlynoticedashe

placedtheirmealsinfrontofthem.

Shehadn’tdoneeverythingshecouldwhereDerekwasconcerned.She’dthoughtshe’ddonemore

thansheshould,andbecauseshewasembarrassed,she’dtakenoff.Runawayagain.Beencompletely
passivewhenitcametothesinglemostimportantthinginherlife.

“Macey,honey?”hismomsaid.“Youokay?”

Sheshookherhead.“I’mnotcomfortableleavingitwhereitis,actually.Ihaveotherthingstotell

him.Ididn’tsaymuchofanything.”Shepickedupherpurseandslippedthestrapoverhershoulder.
“Youcanhavemysandwichfordinnertonight,Mom.Ihavesomethingtotakecareof.”

Sheslidoutoftheboothandbenttohugtheothertwo.

“That’smygirl,”hermomsaid.“CallwhenyougettoSanAmaro,please.Besafe.”

“Goget’im,”Mrs.S.saidwithtouchingdetermination.

Maceydidn’tknowifshewould“gethim”atall,butshe’dneverbeenmoresureinherlifeofone

thing,andthatwasthatshehadtolayitallonthelineandseewhathappened.

Ifhedidn’thavefeelingsforher,ifhedidn’twantherinhislife,thenDerekwasgoingtohaveto

tellhertoherface.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

HEWEATHERSUCKED

Businesssucked.DerekstaredoutTheShellShackdoorwayatthe

sheetsofraincomingdown.Hecouldbarelytellwherethegulfstarted,itwassograyandwet
outside.

Theplasticoverthewindowswasstartingtofogup.They’dhadonlyahandfulofcustomerssince

opening;therainhadbeenalternatingbetweendownpouranddrizzleallday,anditappearednoone
wantedtoventureoutforabeer.It’dbeenafullweeksinceMaceyhadleft,andnowthathisangerhad
subsided,he…Dammit,hemissedher.HestillsawJulie’sphotoeverynightandhestillfeltlikean
insensitivebastardwheneverhecaughthimselfthinkingaboutMaceyinsteadofJulie.

Themugginessofthebarwasgettingtohim.Sweatcoatedhisbody,eventhoughoutsidewas

anythingbutbalmy.Itseemedasifoxygenwasgettinghardtocomebyinhere.

“I’llbebacklater,”hecalledouttoAndie,whowasbehindthebardoingtheNewYorkTimes

crosswordpuzzle.

Dereklefttheshelterofthebuildingandwelcomedthestingofrainpeltinghim.Itwaseasierto

breatheouthere,butsomethinginsidestillclawedathim,drovehimtodo…something.

Thebeachwasdesertedasfarashecouldsee.Ittookonlysecondstobecomethoroughlydrenched,

buthecouldn’tcareless.Heheadeddowntheconcretestairstothesandandtookoffrunningtoward
thesouth.

TheShellShackwasclosertothenorthendoftownandthedevelopedpartoftheisland.He’dhad

nointentionofrunningallthewaytothesoutherntip,butoncehestarted,oncehislungsbegan
cryingforrelief,hedidn’twanttostop.Thepaingavehimsomethingtothinkaboutbesidesthe
jumbleinhisbrain.

Hislegmusclesshookasheranpastthefirestationwithoutaglance.Hecouldseethesouthern

end,madeofanaturalrockypier,fromhere,andheknewhehadtokeepgoinguntilhegotthere.
Oncehereachedit,hemadehiswayovertheslipperyrocks,wetfromtherainandsplashingwaves,
totheverytip.

Itwaswildouthere.Intense.Thewindwhippedhim,andwatercrashedovertherocksjustbelow.

Onegoodwavecouldeasilydrenchtherockhesatonandwashhimintotheroughwater.

Thunderclappedandlightningrippedthroughtheeveningsky.Normallythesunwouldstillbe

shining,butthecloudswereheavyanddarkgray.

Itwasdangerousashellouthere.Derekknewthatanddidn’tgiveadamn.

Hebrieflythoughtaboutwhatwouldhappenifhewaswashedintotheturbulentwater.He’dlikely

bethrownagainsttherocksanddieofaheadinjury….HowwouldMaceyreactifsomething

happenedtohim?

Hebelievedherwhenshe’dsaidshelovedhim.Hedidn’tunderstandwhyshefeltthatway,butshe

wouldn’tsayitifitwasn’ttrue.

Maceywouldexperiencethesamepainhe’denduredwhenJuliehaddied,hesuddenlyrealized.It

nearlybowledhimover.Hedidn’teverwanthertogothroughthat.Especiallynotforhim.God.

Ifhegothitbyabusorwashedagainstrocks,itwouldn’tmakeadamnbitofdifferencetoJulie.

Thetruthhithimlikeabouldertothehead.

HewaslettinghislifepasshimbybecauseofsomemisguidedloyaltytoJulie,buttherewas

nothingleftofJulieexceptmemories.LovingMaceywouldn’tdestroythosememories.Nothing
coulddestroythem.

Thewomanhe’dloved,though,wasgone.

Withoutadoubt,Juliewouldneverwanthimtoretreatfromlife,fromMacey,outofsomecrazy

concernforher.Iftheirpositionswerereversed,he’dwantJulietogoon.Getoverhim.Remember
himandtheirgoodtimes,sure,buthewouldneverexpecthertolivelikeanunandsacrificelove.
He’dwanthertofindhappiness.

Hestoodupontheslipperyrock,bracinghimselfagainstthewind.Goddammit,whathadhedone?

Thewindgustedandhelosthisfooting.Hethrewhisleftlegouttoarocknearby,butitdidn’tstop

hisfall.Helandedonhisassandasharpedgedugintohislowerback.Hisheadhitanotherboulder,
sendingpainslashingthroughhisskull.Derekthoughtforaminutehewasgoingtodie,buthewas
stillconsciousandthepaingraduallysubsidedsomewhat.Hewasstillontherocks,anddamnlucky
hehadn’tendedupinthedrink.Yet.Asheeasedhimselftoasittingposition,thegravityofhis
positionfinallyhithim.Heneededtogetoffthisjettywhilehecould.

HehadtotalktoMacey,toseeiftheyhadachance.

Derekrolledoverandstartedcrawling,makinghiswayacrossthetreacherousrockstowardthe

relativesafetyofthewave-beatenshore.Thejettywasaboutahundredfeetlong,whichhadn’tseemed
likemuchonthewayouthere.Nowitstretchedinfrontofhimlikeahundredmiles.

Therainpeltedhisbackanddrippeddownhisfacesothathecouldbarelyseewhathewasdoing.

Aslongastherocksstretchedinfrontofhim,hefiguredhehadn’tfallenintothegulfyet.Hewas
doingokay.

He’dglancedbacktowardthetip,andrealizedhewasonlyhalfwaytoshorewhenthesoundsofa

sirenreachedhim.Afiretruck.Hispulsequickened,aninvoluntaryreaction,andhewonderedwhat
battletheguyswereabouttoface.

Sixtysecondslater,thewindcarriedavoicetohim.“Staywhereyouare,sir.We’reonourway.”

Whatthe…?

Derekwipedthewateroutofhiseyesandsquintedtowardwherethejettymettheshore.Holyhell.

Threemenwerethere,weigheddownbyallkindsofequipment.Firefighters.Therigwaspulledup
alongthecurboftheroadthatwoundalmostallthewaydowntothejetty.

IttookDerekseverallongsecondstounderstandhewastheonetheywereyellingat.Theywere

heretorescuehim.

Hedidn’tneedtoberescued,dammit.Hewasoneofthem.Arescuer.Justlikethat,anotherpieceof

hislifepuzzlefittedintoplace.

Hepulledhimselfuponaparticularlysmoothrock.“I’mokay!”heyelled.“I’llbethereina

minute.”

Orten.Whatever.Hewasnotgoingtoletthoseguysclimbouthereonhisbehalf.Talkabout

humiliating.

Heprogressedafewfeet,thenraisedhisheadagain.“I’mafirefighter!”hecalledouttothem.“I

canmakeit.”

Hepushedhimselftomakefasterprogress.Hewasthree-quartersofthewaytherenow.Hechecked

behindhimagain.

“Derek?Isthatyou?”

Hecouldn’trecognizethemanstandingabouttenfeetoutfromthebeach,notfromthisdistance,

withtheraincomingdownsohard.Buthedidknowthatvoice.

“Evan.Staythere,man.I’mfine.”

Hekeptgoing,ignoringthepainthatcenteredinhisheadandricochetedoutintoeverypartofhis

body.SoonhewascloseenoughtohearEvantalkingintohisradio,althoughhecouldn’tunderstand
whathewassaying.Itwasundoubtedlybestthatway.Hewassuretheythoughthewasoutofhismind.

“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”EvanaskedwhenDerekwasonlyafewfeetaway.Thefirefighter

madehiswaytowardhimandgrabbedhisarm.“Canyoustandup?Areyouinjured?”

“I’mfine,”Dereksaid,andhepulledhimselftohisfeettoappeaseEvan.Nevermindthathe

couldn’thavedoneitwithoutsomeonetograbonto.“HowdidyouguysknowIwasoutthere?”

“Sawsomeguysprintbyanhouragoanddidn’tthinktoomuchofituntilwehadareportofa

lunaticoutontheedgeofthejetty,gettingreadytojump.”

“Iwasn’tabouttojump.ImaybecrazybutIdidn’twanttokillmyself.”

“Could’vegoddamnfooledme,”Evanmuttered.“Scottisgoingtocheckyouover.Idon’tcare

whatyousay.”

They’dreachedtheendoftherocksatlast,andtogethertheyclimbeddowntothestabilityofthe

sand.ClayandCaptainMendozastoodtherewatchinghim,presumablywonderingwhatwaswrong
withhim.

“Hey,”Dereksaid,“sorrytoconcernyouguys.Stupidmoveonmypart.”

“Doyouhaveanyinjuries?”thecaptainaskedhim.

“Evansayshe’sgoingtosictheparamediconme,soImightaswelltellyouIwhackedmyheadon

therocks.Didn’tloseconsciousness.Ifeelfine.”Asmalllie,buttheydidn’tneedtoknowhishead
feltasifitwassplitopen.“IhopeIhaven’tblownmychancesforajob.”

“We’regoingtogetyourheadcheckedoutbeforeImakeanypromises,”thecaptainsaidgravely.

“Ifyou’vegotanysenseleft,Iimaginewe’lltakeyou.”

Derekmighthavetemporarilylosthismind,buthewasassureashe’deverbeenaboutanything

thathewasreadytogetbacktowork.Hecouldpassanytestthepsychologiststhrewathim.Theonly
thinglefttosettlewasMacey,andwhethershe’dtakehimbackornot.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

EREKWASREADYTOCLIMB

thewallsaftersittingaroundforafullhour.He’dletScott

Patakigivehimanexam.Turnedouthehadamildconcussionfromhisfallandacoupleof
lacerations,buthehadn’tevennoticedhe’dbeencutuntilScottpointeditout.

Hewasfine.AllhewantedtodowasgetthehelloutofhereandtrackdownMacey.He’ddriveto

Dallastonighttodoit.Didn’tmatterthatitwasdarkandclosetonineo’clock.Hedidn’twanttowaste
anotherminute.

Heleftthestationwithanewjob.CaptainMendozahadn’tquestionedhissanity,afterall.Hadjust

noddedwhenDerekexplainedthewallshadbeenclosinginonhimandhe’dhadtogetoutofthebar.

Unfortunately,hehadn’tleftthestationonhisowntwofeet.CaptainMendozahadinsistedon

givinghimaliftinthestation’sSUV.DerekhadtoldhimtodrophimoffatTheShellShack.Hewas
gladtoseeAndiehadclosedupandgonehome.Therainhadsloweddownbuttherewasstillnoone
outandabout.Stayingopenwouldbeawasteoftime.

Derekmadehiswaytohiscondofromthebar.Hestucktothestreet,walkingalongthecurb.He’d

hadenoughofsandandthebeachfortheday.Besides,hewasinahurry.Hisheadpoundedwhenhe
triedtorun,sohesettledforabriskwalk.He’drefusedanyhard-corepainkillersandplannedtotake
afewAdvilbeforeheleft.

Hestuffedhishandsinhispocketsandfeltforhiskeys.Asmilebrokeoutoverhisfacewhenhe

graspedthegoofydolphinkeychainhe’dneverhadthehearttoremove.Hepulleditoutandstudied
it,rememberingMacey’sdeterminationtochangehislifewithacheapplasticsouvenir.Ashestared
atit,herealizedthatbitbybit,she’dhelpedhimseethroughthegrief.She’dremindedhimhowto
laugh.Howtoappreciatethebeautyoftheisland.Howtofaceuptothepainandmakeaneffortto
workthroughit.

He’dneverbeensodamngladtowalkthroughtheunlockeddoorintohiscondo.Hemightnotneed

keystogetintohisplace,butheplannedtokeepthekeychainasareminder,nomatterwhathappened
withMacey.

HeletBurnabyoutofhiskennelandscratchedthedog’sears.Thenhemadehiswaybackdownthe

hall.Heflippedthebedroomlightonandwhippedhisdampshirtoverhisheadasheenteredthe
room;he’drefuseddryclothesatthestation.Theshirtlandedonthefloornearthebathroomdoor.

DerekwentstraighttothephotoofJulieandpickeditup.Hestaredatitforseveralminutesand

allowedhimselftothinkaboutsomeofthebestmemoriesofher—thenightthey’dmetatanoff-
campusparty,thefirsttimeshe’dtakenhimtoConeheadsforicecream,thefirsttimeshe’dtoldhim
shelovedhim.

“Ilovedyou,too,”hesaidtothephotograph.“Alwayswill.ButIalsoloveMacey.Ithinkyou’dbe

okaywiththat.”Heranhisfingeroverherhair,asifhecouldpushitbackfromherface.“Iwon’t

forgetyou,Jules.”Hestaredatherforseveralmoremoments,thenwenttohiscloset.Hepickedup
theshoeboxthathadheldhisnewtennisshoes.Wrappingthestifftissuepaperaroundtheframe,he
touchedherlipsonelasttime,thenclosedthelid.Heputtheboxonthetopshelfoftheclosetand
closedhiseyesforafewseconds,sayingasilentgoodbyetoher.

Hetookinadeepbreathandpusheditouthard,knowing,forthefirsttimeinalongtime,hewas

doingtherightthing.

Derekpeeledofftherestofhisclothes—hisbodywasmoretenderthanhe’dthought—andclimbed

intoalukewarmshower.Thatandatruckloadofcaffeineweregoingtokeephimawakeuntilhewas
withMacey.

EREKHADJUSTPULLED

apairofcleanjeansonwhenthedoortohiscondoflewopen.Beforehe

couldreactorwonderwhatwasgoingon,heheardhervoice.Hadhelosthismindoutthereonthat
jetty?

“Derek?”Maceyhollered.“Areyouhere?Thebarisclosed.Iseverythingall—”

Hecameoutofthebedroomandshenearlywalkedrightintohim.

“—right?”Shelookedhimupanddown.“Youdon’thaveashirton.”

“Uh,no.Idon’t.”

“You’reokay?”

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”hefinallyasked,unabletoprocessit—thatshewashereinhiscondo,

thatshelookedexhaustedbutsomehowstillbeautiful,thatshewascommentingonsomethingas
mundaneashislackofashirt.

Shemethisgaze.“Ihavesomethingstosayandyou’regoingtolistentome.”

“Okay.”Hebackedintohisroomandshefollowedhimin.“Makeyourselfathome,”hesaiddrily.

Maceysetherpurseonhisdresser,thencrossedherarmsasshelookedathim.Staredathischest,

really,andhedecidedthatnotyetputtingonhisshirtwasthebestmovehe’dmadeallday.

“Whatisit,Mace?You’reactingcrazed.”

“Iamcrazed.I’vebeenontheroadforeightandahalfhours,becauseofyou,eventhoughyoumay

notappreciateit.Youmaynotevenwanttoseeme,forallIknow,butthat’sjusttough.LikeIsaid,I
havethingstosaytoyou.”

Derekloweredhimselftothebedandleanedagainstthewall,waiting.Thelesshesaid,thebetter

thechancesofhergettingtothepoint.

“ItoldyouIlovedyou,Dare,andImeantit.Iknowitsentyourunning,andIthinkIunderstand

why.Butatfirst,Iwasmadandhurt.”

“I’msorry,Mace—”

“Nope,”shesaid,cuttinghimoff.“Myturntotalk.Yougetyourturnafter.”

He’dneverseenherquitelikethis,butshewassexywhenshemeantbusiness.

Shesatonthebedadistancefromhim.“Igetthatyou’restillgrievingforJulie.Inevermeantto

belittlethat.WhenIsaidIloveyou,itjustsortofpoppedout,maybenotatagoodtime.”Shepulled
herkneeupunderherandfacedhim.“AllweeklongIregrettedsayingthat.”

“Youshouldn’tregretit,”hesaid.

“Ifinallyfiguredoutsomethingtoday.”

“What’sthat?”

“ThatI’mnotwillingtogiveupjustbecauseyouranawayonetime.”

Hesatupstraight.“CanItalkyet,Mace?”

Sheshookherhead.“LetmegetthisoutbeforeIforgetwhatIwanttosay.”

Hegesturedforhertocontinue.

“I’mnottryingtoforceyoutoforgetaboutJulie.Iknowit’sgoingtotakeyousometimetoget

overwhathappened.Butthethingisthat…”

Hesawherswallow,couldtellshewasrunningoutofsteam.

“Whatisit,Macey?”Heheldouthishandandshemovedcloserandtookit.

“I’velovedyouforyears,Dare.”Ittookheracoupleofsecondsbutshemethisgaze.Thelovehe

sawinhereyestookhisbreathaway.

“Ididn’tknow….”

“SoI’mnotgoingtobepushedawayjustbecauseIscreweduponceandtoldyouIloveyouwhen

you’restilltryingtohandlewhathappenedlastJanuary.WhatI’mtryingtosayisthatI’llwaitforyou
togetthroughthis.Butonlyifthere’sanyreasonformetowait.Ifyouhaveanyfeelingsformeat
all…”

Derekleanedbackagainstthewallinsheer,ecstaticrelief.Maceywatchedhimwithuncertainty

writtenalloverherbeautifulface.Hepulledhercloseandheldontoher,hopingtoconveythathe
wouldneverlethergo.Alltheemotionofthedaycrammedintohisthroat,makingitdamnnear
impossibletosayanything.“Dare?”

Hescootedbackagainstthepillowsandpattedthespotnexttohim.Shejoinedhim,stillwaitingas

hetriedtofigureoutwheretostart.

“I’msodamngladyoucameback,”hefinallysaid.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.Yousavedmealong,lonelydrivetoDallastonight.”

“What?”Shecranedherheadtoseehisfacebetter.“WhywereyouplanningtogotoDallas?”

“Ihadabigdaytoday.Randownthebeachlikealunatic,daredthestormtosweepmeoffthejetty,

gotrescuedbythefiredepartment,figuredouthowmuchIloveyouandneedyouinmylife—”

“Youfelloffthejetty?”Sheroseuponherelbow,alarmed.

Derekranhisfingersthroughherhair,pushingitbehindhershoulder,andshookhishead.“No.

Fellonthejetty,butthat’snotthepoint.”

ACEYCLOSEDHEREYES

,tryingtofollowhalfofwhathe’djustsaid,whenthelastpartofhissentence

struckher.Hereyespoppedopen.“Didyoujustsay…?”

“Iloveyouandneedyouinmylife.”

Herheartfeltasifithadexplodedandspreadwarmththroughoutherbody.Shestaredhardintohis

eyes,tookinthedetailsofeverylastinchofhisface.Theplanesandangles.Thecoarsehair
beginningtoshadehischin.Hisperfectlashesandtheeyesthatwatchedherintently.

Maceymovedcloserandkissedhimfullonthelips,notcaringifsheevercameupforair.He

wrappedhisarmsaroundherandrolledtohisback,pullingherontopofhim.

Forthefirsttime,shekissedhimwiththeknowledgethatthiswasn’tstolentime,thatshewouldn’t

livetoregretitlater.Hehadn’texplainedexactlywhathadgoneoninhishead,traipsingaround
jettiesandbeingrescuedbyfirefighters,butalltheexplanationsheneeded,allthereassurance,wasin
thewayhekissedher.

“I’msorryIranaway,”Derekfinallysaidbetweenkisses.“Ifeltsoguiltymakinglovetoyouwhen

IwasstilltryingtogetoverJulie’sdeath.”

“Shh.Iunderstand.”

Heshookhishead.“No,Iunderstand.Finally.Iwasafraidtoletmyselflive,sinceJuliecouldn’t

anymore.IthoughtitwaswrongtofeelsogoodwhenIwaswithyou….”

“BecauseJuliecouldn’texperienceanythinggoodanymore?”

Henodded.“IpromiseIwon’tbringherintoourrelationshipallthetime,buttonightIhaveto

explain.”

Maceynodded,runningherfingeralonghisjaw,wishingshecouldtakeawayallhisdoubtand

pain.

“IthitmethatJuliewouldn’twantmetogiveupmyhappinessbecauseshedied.”

“You’reright.Shewouldn’t.Ididn’tknowherwell,butI’msureofthat.Shecaredaboutyou.”

“Isaidmygoodbyeslessthananhourbeforeyousocalmlyburstthroughmydoor.Ipackedher

pictureaway.Idon’twanttogetridofit,Mace,butIdon’tneedtoseeiteveryday.Don’twantit
betweenyouandme.”

“Youandme,”sherepeated.“Ilikethesoundofthat.”

“Youbetter,”hesaid,grinning.

“Ohyeah?”

“Yeah.I’vebeenthroughalottodaytogettothispoint,righthere,withyou.Youmaynotknowthis

aboutme,butwhenIgoaftersomething,Itendtogoallout.”

Maceylaughed.“I’veknownthatsinceyouweresevenanddecidedyouweregoingtobuildthe

world’stallestLEGOtowerintheofficeattherestaurant.”

“Itwould’vesetrecords,”Dereksaid.“Wasn’tmyfaulttheceilingswereonlyninefeethigh.”

Theylaughedandkissed,untilathoughtfinallyburstthroughthecloudfoggingupMacey’sbrain.

Shebrokecontact.“You’retellingmethatyoufiguredallthisoutbeforeIgotheretonight?”

Dereknodded,hisgrinwidening.“Yes,ma’am.”

“SomywholespeechthatIwassodeterminedtogetout…Ididn’tevenneedtogothere?”

Heshookhishead.“Notreally.Thoughitdefinitelyaddedtothemoment.Itwascute.”

“Cute?”

“Endearing.”

“Endearing?”Hervoicerose.

“Sexy?”heventured.

“I’llsettleforsexy,Iguess.”

Hepressedakisstohernose,thenturnedserious.“There’sthreemorethingsweneedtodiscuss,”

hesaid.

“Okay.”Shetriedtosoundconfident,buthistoneworriedher.

“Whatdoyouthinkoflivingwithafirefighter?Iknowit’snottheeasiestthingtoask—”

“You’regoingback?”

“ItalkedtoCaptainMendozatonight.Ihavetogothroughaninterviewandsomeotherredtape,but

thenIcanstartassoonasIgetsomehelpatthebar.”

“I’msogladtohearthat,Dare.It’swhoyouare.”

“Itdoesn’tworryyou?”

“Itscaresthecrapoutofme,butyou’regood.You’lldowhateverittakestocomehometome

everynight.”

“Gotthatright,woman.But…Ineedamanagerforthebar.Idon’tsupposeyouknowanyonewitha

backgroundinrunningasmallbusiness?”

“Imightknowsomeonelikethat.AslongasIcankeepworkingonmyfoundation.Icouldstartit

uphereinsteadofinDallas.Idon’tthinkmydonorswouldhaveaproblemwiththat.”

“Youcandowhateveryouwantaslongasyou’reinmybedeverynight.”

Sheshiveredandclosedhereyes.She’dwaitedsolongtohearsomethingjustlikethatfromthis

man.Itwasalmostsurreal,butwhensheopenedhereyes,hewasstillrightthere,inchesfromher
face,hisbodymeldingintohers.

“Yousaidthreethings,”shewhispered.“What’sthelast?”

Helookedintohereyes.“Thisisn’tatemporarythingforme.Idon’tknowhowlongI’veloved

you,butIknownoonehasevermademefeelthewayyoudo.Willyoumarryme,Macey?”

Giddinessandlovemadeherfeellighterthanair.“I,forone,havelovedyoujustaboutforever,”

shesaid,grinninglikecrazy.“It’sabouttimeyousawthelight.”

Dereklaughed.“IproposetoawomanandallshecandoismentionhowdenseIam.”Hepulledher

closeagainandbreathedinthescentofherhair.“Canyouhandlesuchanunenlightenedman?
Forever?”

“Absolutely.I’mlookingforwardtothechallenge.Everysinglewonderfuldayofit.”

ISBN:978-1-4268-6065-2

PLAYINGWITHFIRE

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Document Outline

CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

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