The Life Purpose Guide

© Copyright Mark Manson, 2013

What is your life purpose and
who cares, anyway?

When most of us do something,
when most of us make life
decisions, we rarely make them
past pursuing what feels good or
what wins us the most approval
from others. Sometimes we have
a subset of values that we pay heed to, but few of us ever ask
ourselves “What is the message that my life is sending to the world?”

That may sound pretty deep and heady, but it’s a question of your
legacy. If you died tomorrow, how would people remember you?
That you were a “nice guy” who was nice to have a few laughs with?
Or did you stand for something? Did you affect people’s lives? Did
you change things. Is there a message attached to your existence. And
if not, why not?

This may sound like a bunch of fluff, but its the exact questioning of
purpose and legacy that helped renown psychiatrist

Viktor Frankl

survive

a Nazi concentration camp. It then inspired a whole branch of

therapy

known as “logotherapy”.

This is real stuff.

Let’s start things off with a simple question:

“If you could do anything without chance of failure, and without
constraints of time and money, what would you do?”

This is the primary question. If the answer isn’t an immediate, “What

I’m doing now,” then something’s wrong. And this report will
hopefully help you fix it.

Writers and thinkers from David Deida to Camille Paglia to Sigmund
Freud himself have commented on how important it is to a man’s
identity and self-esteem that he has a clear life mission and that he’s
consistently working towards it.

There have been a number of major societal shifts in the past few
decades — feminism, the information economy, more broken homes
and fewer marriages — men greatly lack that clear vision and purpose
they were once given in their lives.

It’s my opinion that this greatly affects the overall psychology of the
male population. Boys growing up without clear roles to fill, without
obvious purposes to fill, meander through their early life reacting and
following whatever is put before them. As a result, they never cultivate
the independence and self-esteem that comes with following their
purpose. They never learn to assert themselves, they remain woefully
unaware of their emotional realities and their personal relationships
suffer, particularly those with women.

I didn’t have to look far to realize this either. Back when I was
coaching men in person regularly on how to be better with women,
every time I worked with a guy who was either unemployed and/or
lived at home with his parents and/or hated his job, he inevitably
would do terribly with women. Often despite the fact he was good-
looking and a cool guy.

I even felt it myself back in 2007. In college I had been doing great
with women. Then I graduated, loafed around, held a few part time
jobs and ended up broke and living on my friend’s couch for a while.
Suddenly the ladies had no interest in me. And not only that, but I
became pretty down and didn’t feel good about myself anymore. It
wasn’t until I started my business and got it going that things began to
turn around again.

A lot of men are endlessly frustrated with aspects of their lives.
Whether it be their inability to get with women, to make friends, or
just that they’re always insecure and unhappy.

A possible cause for this is a lack of direction and purpose in your life.

And the amazing thing is, a lot of people don’t ever actually sit down
and THINK about this stuff. They were always told to go to this
school or that school, so they went. Then they were told to get this job
or that job. So they did that too.

They never sat down and asked the question written above.

We will be answering that question in this report. We’ll be breaking it
down into parts and answering it in such a way that you’ll be able to
work towards the answer over the coming months and years.

And then a year from now, you’ll ask it again, re-evaluate, and begin
working towards it again. Hopefully each time you do this exercise,
you’ll be a step closer.

The system presented in this report can be done repeatedly over a
long period of time. I recommend doing it once a year. The first day
of each year is a great option, but you can do it whenever.

I’ve done some form of this exercise every year for four years now.
When I started, I was broke, struggling with a new business, living
alone and not living a very healthy lifestyle. Now, four years later, I’m
living the life of my dreams. In fact, I can unequivocally say that this is
the first year ever in my life that I answer the prime question with an
immediate, “What I am doing now.” And I think that’s a pretty
astounding success. Especially at my age.

This system is an adaptation of a similar exercise a good friend of
mine has done every year for over a decade. I’ve modified it over the

years and it’s been influenced by some other goal-setting techniques
I’ve come across. So you may recognize parts of it. It’s not
revolutionary by any means.

But it works. And that’s what’s important.

I will spare you all of the science and information behind goal-setting
techniques and why writing things down seems to have a “magical”
effect on your brain. I’m just going to tell you flat out:



Do these exercises in a quiet place without distractions



Take your time, don’t rush through it.



Write everything down yourself and keep it. This is important.



Periodically check back and review your goals at the end of it
throughout the year.

In this report, I’ll be giving some brief examples of each step of the
exercise but will not complete them myself. This is just to give you
some ideas and help you get started.

Step 1: Brainstorming

The first step is the easiest and probably the most fun. Pull out a blank
sheet of paper and make sure you have a clock nearby.

Take 20 minutes to yourself, and write down everything you would
like to do in your life before you die. Everything. No matter how big
or small, how trivial or important. Just keep writing. Absolutely
anything and everything that comes to mind, put it down on the piece
of paper.

This should start out very easy but get harder as the time goes by.
Hold yourself to 20 minutes! Chances are the last 5-10 minutes you’ll
be straining your brain. But keep going anyway.

Example:

Things I’d like to do before I die…

Learn to box
Get a graduate degree
Speak five languages
Complete a triathlon
Live in China
Go to the north pole
Visit the pyramids
Play chess in the park
Take a trip somewhere nice with my mom
Get married
Have kids

Etc.

As you do this first exercise, you may feel yourself get self-conscious
or start judging some of your answers.

Stop doing this!

Seriously, this list is just between you and yourself. There’s absolutely
no reason to be ashamed of anything you write. And if you do find
yourself hesitant to write too much down, perhaps you should ask
yourself why you’re so scared of accepting many of your own
impulses.

On the other hand, chances are, when you’re writing your list, 2-3
entries are going to pop out at you, like giant strobe lights on your
page. The specific entries may surprise you as well. This is good.

If you particularly have a lot of surprises on your list, or if a lot of your
entries have got you thinking or reconsidering some things already,
even better… In fact, if you feel like you’re already processing a lot,

you may want to put the pen and paper down before the second step
and take a break for a few hours.

Step 2: Ideal Life, Long-Term

Now that you’ve got your brainstorm list and you’ve come up with
more ideas of things to do than you’ll ever need, it’s time to start
honing in on what you ideal life should look like.

This is where things start to get interesting, and a little bit real. But
you’ll still have to use your imagination quite a bit and tap into some
desire that you may not have known were there.

Take another sheet of paper and spend 20 minutes writing down the
following:

Describe your ideal life five years from now. Describe it in as much
details as possible. Describe where you would live, what you would
do each day, what job you’d have, who you’d spend your time with,
what you’d spend your time doing. Take your time and be as specific
as possible.

Example:

My ideal life in five years would be me living in California, probably
San Diego. I’d have my own place near the beach. My work hours
would be flexible so I could go surfing often. I’d be focused much
more on freelance coding and programming rather than stuck to any
individual firm, so I’d have a lot more control over my work load and
pay. I’d have a hot blonde girlfriend who would be awesome to hang
out with. I’d get back into painting, and do it from time to time each
week, maybe even sell a few of them. Etc….

Chances are, once you finish this, your mind will already be
brainstorming ways to connect the dots from now to then. This is
good. We’ve now got your mind working actively on figuring out ways

to achieve your dreams. This is a fundamental first step. You’re now
motivating yourself from your own desires and not simply by pleasing
others!

Step 3: Ideal Life, Short-Term

Now that you’ve got your brainstorm list and you’ve come up with
more ideas of things to do than you’ll ever need, it’s time to start
honing in on what you ideal life should look like.

This exercise is exactly like the last one, except instead of projecting
your ideal life in five years, you are going to project it for one year.

Make sure your choices are realistic and attainable, but also that they
are a step towards your answer for Step 2.

Example:

In a year, I will have started my freelance business, and will have
saved $20k. I’ll be able to approach girls when I go out on the
weekend. I’ll also have a gym membership and will be regularly going
and working out. Etc.

As you’ll notice, this projection is getting far more actionable. In fact,
after you’ve written it, it should be pretty obvious many of the steps
you can start taking towards it.

But wait, we’re not done yet…

Step 4: Passion/Time Ratio

Now it’s time to really dig into your life and what you’re spending
your time doing and root out the activities that aren’t serving you or
moving you toward your ideal life.

This exercise is a three-parter and will probably take a bit longer than

the others.

1. On a clean sheet of paper, make three columns. In the first

column write down everything you spend your time doing each
day. Ignore the small things like brushing your teeth or
showering or sleeping. Focus on the big ones.

2. Once you can’t think of anything else, go back and in the

second column write down how many hours per week you
generally spend doing this activity. If it’s something larger like
traveling or seasonal like going to White Sox games or
something, then just specify that in this column — “two weeks per
year,” or “10 Saturdays per year,” or whatever.

3. Finally, in the last column, give each item a rating, from 1-10

based on how much fulfillment you get from that activity.
Basically how happy that activity makes you.

Example:

And so on…

Finally, once you’ve got your lists finished, go back through and look
at how the numbers line up. Activities which you spend a lot of time
doing should have high numbers. Activities you don’t spend much
time doing should have low numbers. What we’re looking for are
mismatches.

For instance, in the example above two big mismatches pop out at
you…. the first is that the guy really doesn’t enjoy his job, and he

works long hours. That sucks. It’s hard to be happy and motivated
and confident when you’re dropping 50 weeks on something you only
value at a 3.

The second mismatch is that he’s two hours a day of television, but
doesn’t get much value out of it. Meanwhile, he’s averaging less less
than an hour a day hanging out with friends, and that’s something he
really values.

The answer for this person is clear: ditch the TV to spend more time
with friends (or invite your friends over to watch TV with you), and
get the job situation figured out.

And this is just from a short, very basic list. Chances are your list has a
lot more going on in it.

Step 5: Actionable Goals

Finally, we’re at the last step — the step that you’re actually going to
use and apply to your life.

From the previous four steps, you should have developed a pretty
clear idea of what you need to be doing different, both in the short-
term and in the long-term. Hopefully you’ve been made aware of
things that you’d like to be a part of your life which currently aren’t.
And hopefully you’ve identified some things that ARE part of your
life, but you’d prefer they weren’t.

The final step is putting together a handful of goals for you to
accomplish.

A few things to remember about goals:



They need to be actionable, i.e., they require a certain behavior
to complete. For instance, “Feel more comfortable in social
situations” is not an actionable goal. It’s not something that can

be measured or counted. “Meet someone new without getting
nervous,” IS an actionable goal. It can be measured and it’s clear
once it’s been accomplished.



Set goals which are realistic within the given time frame. Setting
goals that are too unreasonable is the quickest way to demotivate
yourself.



Don’t set more than a few goals at a time. Another common
mistake is when people try to adapt multiple major life changes
simultaneously. Select a few important goals and then focus on
them one at a time, preferably.

OK, now for the exercise itself. It’s another two parter.

1. Write down 3-5 actionable goals for you to complete within the

next year.

2. Write down one thing you can do TODAY that will move you

towards each goal.

Example:

Goal #1: Lose 15 pounds
Goal #2: Pass my CFA-I exam
Goal #3: Get a girlfriend

Actions for each goal: For goal #1, I can join a gym. For goal #2 I can
buy a study guide to start studying. And for goal #3 I can join an
internet dating site and/or go out tonight and approach five girls.

And that’s it. If you’ve completed everything in this guide, you now
have a clearer long-term vision of what you want your life to look like,
some definable, actionable goals to complete within the next year,
AND starting places to begin moving towards those goals.

Like I said in the beginning, I recommend repeating this exercise each
year. In my experience, it’s normal to meet most, but not all of the
goals you set each year if you keep on top of them. Maybe two out of

three.

If you do these exercises consistently for a few years, you’ll realize a
couple things:

1. That your priorities will change with time, and what you may

consider very important today, may not seem as important a
year from now.

2. That the more of your goals that you achieve, the easier it’ll

become to achieve subsequent goals.

Because that’s the beauty of all of this. Discipline is a skill. It needs to
be exercised and it gets stronger. Achieving goals based on your
internal desires and motivations builds self-esteem, and will increase
your motivation into the future.

Doing this sets off a chain reaction, that if you follow it long enough,
implementing change into your life will become easier and easier.
And one day, years from now, you’ll look back, and maybe you won’t
even recognize the person you are now.

And that’ll be a good thing…

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