It wasnłt in the rules











It wasnłt in the rules

 

Elise Webber had it all. Looks, a glamorous job as a TV
anchorwoman, a beautiful Atlanta apartment-and the charismatic lawyer, Dustin
Chandler. Well, she didn't exactly have Dustin. Dating was all she could expect
from a man who had clearly defined rules where women were concerned.

 

Elise had been careful not to lose her heart to Dustin. He'd
been clear from the beginning that love and marriage weren't in his game plan.
She could just imagine how he was going to react to her latest bit of news. Mr.
Hotshot Lawyer was about to become a daddy....




"I think we should talk."

Elise moistened her lips, then continued. "About us,
I mean."

Dustin's frown deepened dramatically. "Why?"

"I think we should stop seeing each other."

Dustin's immediate response was panic, pure and
simplemixed with a healthy dose of fury. "You what?"

Taken aback by his intense reaction, Elise blinked, then
stared at him. "Now, Dustin"

He shoved himself to his feet, glaring down at her.
"Don't 'now Dustin' me," he snapped. "Why the hell should we
stop seeing each other?"

"I just think it's best," she answered with
frustrating obscurity.

"Give me one good reason," Dustin demanded as
he watched Elise toss her head back defiantly, her eyes glittering with
annoyance. He noted her anger, but didn't particularly care. He was equally
annoyed with her.

"I can give you one very good reason," she
answered him coolly. "I'm pregnant..."




 

Gina Wilkins thought it would be great fun dropping
an unexpected pregnancy into the laps of two superyuppiesjust to see what
happened. What happened surprised even Gina. Changing the Rules started as a
lighthearted look at motherhood, but as she got deeper into the story, Gina
discovered that pregnancy wasn't all that funny. A baby's impending arrival is
exciting, frightening and one of life's most profound events. And in Changing
the Rules, Gina, a mother of three, captures all the joy, trepidationand
romanceof prospective parenthood.




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gina Wilkins

CHANGING THE RULES




Prologue

 

DUSTIN'S EYES were on the stack of papers on his desk, but
the image in his mind was the strikingly attractive face of the woman he was
talking to on the telephone. "So, anyway, I should be back in town in a
week. Ten days at the most. I'll call you when I get in, okay?"

"Good luck with your case. I hope it goes well."

"So do I."

"IÅ‚ll keep my fingers crossed."

"Yeah. Do that." Dustin paused, toying absently
with the gold Mont Blanc fountain pen he kept on his desk, then asked with
deceptive lightness, "Gonna miss me?" He really wanted to ask
"Will you be seeing anyone else while I'm out of town?" but he
didn't, of course. He and Elise didn't have that kind of relationship. Just
because neither of them had seen anyone else since they'd started dating some
six months earlier didn't mean they weren't free to do so any time they
pleased.

"Strangely enough, I think I will miss you," Elise
returned in the same teasing tone he'd used. He wondered if it was only wishful
thinking that, despite the flippancy of her reply, she seemed to mean it.

"Guess we'd both better get back to work. I have that five o'clock flight to catch."

"And I have a PR spot to film. See you when you get
back, Dustin. Take care."

Did that mean she was concerned about him? Annoyed with the
direction his thoughts were taking, he straightened in his chair and set the
pen precisely beside his Rolodex. "Yeah. You, too. Bye, Elise."

"Bye."

He recradled the receiver very slowly, as if reluctant to
sever the connection. And then he looked up to find himself being watched by a
tall, thin, handsome black man who was leaning comfortably against the
door-jamb to Dustin's office, his face creased with a rather mocking smile.
"What? No goodbye kiss?" his co-worker inquired facetiously.

"What do you want, Davis?" Dustin's grumpy tone
couldn't quite hide the fact that he considered Nathan Davis his closest
friend. It had been Nathan who'd contacted Dustin when this job as WesCo's
corporate attorney had come open. Applying and being hired for the position,
Dustin had moved to Atlanta from Nashville a year ago, reuniting the two
friends after several years in different states, though they'd never been out
of touch for long. Nathan knew Dustin better than anyone else, even Elise,
who'd somehow gotten closer than any woman who'd preceded her in his life.

Ignoring Dustin's peevish question, Nathan sauntered into
the office and draped his long frame into a burgundy leather chair. "When
are you going to break down and admit that you're in love with the girl, Chandler?"

Dustin groaned and shook his head. "Are you going to
start that again? How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not in love
with Elise Webber? She and I are just very good friends."

"And lovers."

"And lovers," Dustin agreed with a shrug. "We
have a good time together, we've got a lot in common and we're very attracted
to each other. Hardly a first for me, Nathan. So what's the big deal?"

"Just tell me one thing, buddy, and remember that I've
known you for nearly ten years, so I already know the answer. When's the last
time you saw only one woman for six whole monthsespecially when you couldn't
even get past a good-night kiss for the first three of those months?"

Suddenly wishing his best friend didn't know him quite so
well, Dustin felt himself flushing at the question. Which, of course, only made
him more determined to prove his point. "All right, I'll admit that Elise
is special. Hell, anyone can tell that just by looking at her. But that doesn't
mean that I'm in love with her or that we have some sort of lifetime
commitment. Just because you've recently gotten married and decided to start
working on propagating the species doesn't mean that choice is right for me.
You know my rules."

Nathan started reciting in a chanting, singsong voice,
"Rule Number One, no going out with women with kids. Rule Number Two, only
date independent, successful career women who aren't in the market for a
permanent commitment. Number Three, no false promises. Number Four, no strings.
Number Five, have a good time and leave 'em smiling."

Dustin grinned. "Those rules have served me well since
I entered puberty. No need to change them now.

Besides, Elise has a similar set of rules of her own. She's
no more interested in happily-ever-after than I am."

"The two of you do have a lot in common," Nathan
agreed with a nod. "You both take your careers very seriously, yet
scrupulously avoid anything more serious than cocktail parties in your private
life. You're a couple of hardworking professionals dedicated to financial
success, social acclaim and the carefree life of modern singles. And," he
added confidently, "you're both a couple of frauds, pretending there
aren't caring, sensitive, earnest people behind those shallow yuppie facades.
You're perfect together, if you'd both just find the courage to admit it."

"Thank you, Dr. Davis, for that armchair analysis. I'll
consider your words worth the money I paid to hear them. Now would you mind
clearing out of my office so I can get finished in time to catch my
plane?"

"Whatever you say," Nathan replied equably,
shoving himself to his feet. "If you want to keep up the pretense, it's up
to you. Tell Elise hello for me when you call her every night during the next
week or so, will you?"

Dustin scowled, refusing to answer.

Nathan paused in the doorway and looked back, his smile
suddenly changing from mocking to affectionate. "I have a feeling those
rules of yours are about to change, Dustin. And it's time they did."

"Go away, Nathan."

Chuckling, Nathan complied, leaving Dustin glowering down at
his work. Nathan was being absurd, of course. He and Elise were having a great
time for now, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the company of other
women, if he were so inclined. His scowl deepened when he found himself
wondering if Elise would find some other guy to entertain her while he was out
of town. Not that it mattered, of course. They didn't have that kind of a
relationship. He then tried to convince himself that he wanted things to remain
just that way.




1

 

The elegantly designed bag holding the gold embossed box of
chocolates felt quite familiar in his hand. Godiva chocolatesDustin Chandler's
trademark. Chocolates and flowers, artfully choreographed courtships leading to
affairs in which each party participated eagerly, both knowing the relationship
was no more than a temporary diversion. Amicable partings accompanied by a more
expensive, more lasting gift to serve as a souvenir of good times ended without
regret. All part of the game. A game at which Dustin Chandler was one highly skilled
player. And yet this time...

This time something was different.

Only partially aware of the bustling Saturday-afternoon
activity going on around him in the shopping mall, Dustin frowned as he
pondered the relationship in which he was now involvedmore involved than he'd
expected to find himself when it had begun. For one thing, seeing only one
woman for nearly six months was an all-time record for him. For another, this
was the first time he'd bought this particular woman chocolates. The rules of
the game seemed to have changed with Elise, and he'd be damned if he knew when
it had happened or how to play this one.

He fought down the ripple of panic that had been coming with
uncomfortable regularity during the past few weeksbrought on by thoughts of going
farther with his relationship with Elise Webber or, more surprisingly, by the
very idea of ending it. Running a hand through his sleekly styled blond hair,
he cleared his throat of a sudden lump and looked around, determined to
distract himself from that particular line of thought. He glanced at his Rolex,
debating whether to call Elise or simply stop by and hope she was home. He'd
never shown up unannounced before; their relationship was a bit more formal
than that.

A streak of pink caught his attention, and he turned to
look, frowning when he saw the seemingly unaccompanied toddler dashing across
the floor in his direction. And then his breath caught when the child look a
sudden turn and ran on her short, unsteady legs directly toward the downward escalator.

A woman voice cried, "Betsy, stop! Come back
here!" but Dustin was already moving, scooping the little girl up in one
arm with the ease of an ex-football player moments before she would have taken
a painful, and possibly serious fall down the moving metal slops.

Startled, the little girl burst into lusty screams of
protest at finding herself abruptly snatched by a stranger, Dustin gulped and
looked wildly around for someone to hand her to. Anyone.

It's all right, Betsy. Mommy's here." The woman's voice
was one of the more beautiful sounds Dustin had ever heard. He gratefully
turned over his squalling burden to the plumply attractive brunette who'd
appeared at his side. She gave him a bright, though slightly tremulous smile.
"Thank you so much. I was afraid she was going to fall down the escalator
before I could catch her. She got away from me when I turned my back for a
moment."

Dustin returned the smile. "I understand they're pretty
good at that."

The woman rolled her eyes. "This one certainly is. I may
have to buy one of those harness things before long. She's a little too fond of
adventure for my peace of mind."

Dustin nodded noncommittally and moved away, eager to
escape. Children made him nervous. Very nervous. Which was one of the reasons
behind Dustin Chandler's Rule Number One of Dating: Never date women with
children. He always made it a point to find out if a woman he was attracted to
had one or more of the little dears at home before he asked her out.

There were other reasons behind that rule, of course. The
mothers were often on the lookout for a new father for their kids, there were
sometimes unpleasant scenes between divorced parents that could make things
very ugly for someone dating either parent, and the kids were too vulnerable to
adults drifting in and out of their lives. But, mostly, they just made him
nervous. They were so helpless, so totally dependent. Take the little girl he'd
just assisted, for example. If it hadn't been for him, a total strangera
stranger who wasn't even comfortable with kidsshe could have been badly
injured.

No. Children were simply too much responsibility for
footloose, take-each-day-as-it-comes Dustin. Good thing for him that Elise felt
the same way he did about marriage and children, which just happened to be Rule
Number Two: Only date ambitious career women who were perfectly content without
the demands of husband and children. Dustin's notorious rules had become quite
a joke among his acquaintancesNathan, for examplebut everyone knew he had
followed them quite carefully during the past years.

Vaguely relieved that some of his rules still applied to his
otherwise confusing relationship with Elise, he shifted the Godivas to his
other hand and quickened his steps toward the parking lot. Thoughts of Elise
reminded him of exactly how he'd planned to spend the evening. He focused on a
vividly clear mental image of a slender, beautiful woman with wide-spaced,
intelligent dark eyes, a soft, inviting mouth and a smooth, peach-toned face
framed by short, feathery tendrils of rich brown hair.

He was smiling in eager anticipation when he unlocked the
driver's door to his Mercedes and tossed the chocolates inside.

 

FORCING HERSELF to stand still, Elise turned and glanced at
the champagne-colored carpet covering the floor of her elegantly furnished
apartment. No, there wasn't actually a path worn across her living room. Not
for lack of trying, she thought with a deep sigh. She'd been pacing for nearly
three hours, ever since she'd gotten home from her doctor's office. She just
couldn't seem to sit down.

Arms crossed over her chest, hands rubbing her forearms as
if to ward off a chill, she closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath. What was
she going to do? What the hell was she going to do?

Fighting down a surge of sheer panic, she began to pace
again, pausing occasionally to straighten a picture frame, adjust the position
of one of the tasteful porcelain knickknacks adorning her cherry tables, run a
finger along the edge of the mantel over the small working fireplace. She froze
when she found her fingers clutching a tiny porcelain figurine depicting a prim
Victorian lady. The figurine had been a gift from Dustin.

Dustin. She gulped. Oh, Dustin. What was she going to say to
him?

The buzzer's summons startled her, making her jump and drop
the figurine. Grateful that the plush carpeting had protected the fragile item,
she retrieved it and set it back on the mantel before going to push the button
on the intercom. "Yes?" she questioned, only mildly curious as to her
caller's identity, her thoughts still occupied with her personal problem.

"How do you feel about drop-in guests?"

Her hand went to her throat where her pulse suddenly
pounded. "Dustin," she managed, her voice sounding strangled even to
her. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I know. I didn't think I'd be back in town until
tomorrow. If this is a bad time for you, I can"

"No," she interrupted, knowing she might as well
get it over with. "It's not a bad time. Come on up."

Minutes later she smoothed her short, dark hair and pasted
on a smile that she hoped would look at least somewhat natural as she answered
Dustin's knock. He stood propped against the doorjamb with one hand, his dark
blond hair gleaming in the indirect hall lighting, deep blue eyes narrowed in
that casually sexy manner of his, Armani suit molding his long, health-club
lean body. Her heart fluttered in familiar reaction when he smiled down at her
from his seven-inch superior height of six feet. "Hi," he said in a
velvety voice that always went straight to her knees. "I missed you this
past week."

"I missed you, too, Dustin," she replied softly,
lifting her face for his kiss. She had missed him. She'd missed him very badly.
That, alone, would have made her nervous, even if it hadn't been for the other
discovery she'd made that afternoon. She'd suspected for some time that her
relationship with Dustin was getting much too serious tor her peace of mindor
his. Of course, she hadn't realized until three hours ago just how serious it
would become.

And then her thoughts scattered, as they always did when his
lips covered hers. No one else had ever affected her the way Dustin had from
the first time she'd met him. His kisses had the power to short-circuit her
brain; his lovemaking took her to places she'd never dreamed existed. She'd
never considered herself a particularly physical, sensual woman until Dustin
had shown her otherwise. She was trembling when the kiss of greeting ended, and
it wasn't all due to nerves.

"Wow," Dustin murmured, slowly drawing away from
her. "How is it that your kisses just keep getting better?"

She produced another weak smile and waved a hand toward the
couch. "Sit down and tell me all about your trip. Can 1 get you something
to drink?"

"That sounds good. I came here straight from the
airport, and I could stand to rest for a few minutes. Oh, I did make one stop
on the way," he amended, holding out the distinctive bag in his hand.
"This is for you."

"How nice. Thank you. What's the occasion?"

"I'm celebrating. We've finally got all the information
we need to submit our brief." A corporate attorney, Dustin had been out of
town for the past week handling a legal matter for a small subsidiary of his
employer, a national corporation based in Atlanta. Elise had met him seven
months earlier at one of the many parties they so enjoyed attending. Intent on
pursuing her own career as a news anchor for a local television station, with
hopes of someday going national, Elise had been wary at first to become
involved with the much-too-handsome, all-too-fascinating attorney. She had
known immediately that this one was different from the other men she so
casually and so frequently datedalways on her own terms.

It had taken Dustin a month to convince her to go out with
him, three more months to charm his way into her bed. Since then, she'd been
very careful not to allow the relationship to become too intimate. Neither had
left possessions in the other's home, the nights they'd spent together had been
relatively few, there was still some formality left between themno taking for
granted that the other would be free or would want to stay over. Elise had
never indicated she wanted their relationship to proceed any other way. Perhaps
she'd had a premonition that Dustin Chandler would change her life permanently,
shatter all the plans she'd been making for so many years.

She should have listened to her intuition.

Handing him his favorite expensive liquor in a sparkling
Waterford tumbler, she perched on the couch beside him, her hands twisting in
her lap as she tried to speak coherently while deciding the best way to break
her news to him. She eyed his complacent grin. "You seem very pleased. I
thought this was a rather minor case compared to most of your work for
WesCo."

He nodded. "It is. But it's a case I want badly to win.
It infuriates me when an honest businessman is harassed by a small-town city
political machine. Not a member of that city council has any training in
politics or lawincluding the thoroughly self-impressed, double-dealing
used-car salesman who managed to get himself clotted mayorand yet several of
them think they have the power to set regulations on our client that would all
but put him out of business, just to wield their own authority. You should have
heard me trying to talk to those people. The extent of their arrogance amazed
even me, and I've been told on occasion that I can be a bit arrogant at
times."

"You don't say," Elise murmured. He grinned and
continued, "Anyway, the local attorney I've been working with on the
research and preparation is ready to submit the brief to the courts, contending
that the regulations are discriminatory and unconstitutional. They should have
an answer within a few weeks. I'm pretty confident about it, but as everyone
who's ever had any dealings with the justice system knows, being right doesn't
always mean being victorious."

"Mmm."

Looking down, Elise toyed absently with the diamond tennis
bracelet on her right wrist until she realized that the silence between herself
and Dustin had stretched uncomfortably long. She looked up to find him watching
her closely. "What's wrong?" he asked when he knew he had her
attention.

"What do you mean?" she countered.

"Well, I know not everyone wants to hear me go on about
the frustrations of dealing with small-town political machines, but a dedicated
journalist like you is usually at least nominally interested. You've been
distracted since I got here, and that's not like you. Is something bothering
you? Or are you annoyed that I dropped in on you on a Saturday evening without
calling first? I know I shouldn't have taken you for granted that way, but I
was feeling pretty good about the case and I really wanted to see you."

She shook her head. "It's not that. Surely you know
that I don't mind you dropping by." She cleared her throat, knowing that
the news she was about to break to him would probably send notoriously
commitment-shy Dustin into outright panic. Not for the first time in the past
few hours, she considered the idea of not telling him at all, but as she had
the other times, she quickly rejected that possibility. Dustin had a right to
know. For a journalist, that meant there was only one option. "There's
something I have to tell you."

Dustin carefully set his half-empty glass on the cherry
coffee table in front of the couch and turned to Elise, trying to ignore a
sense of impending disaster. What could she have to tell him that was so
obviously making her a nervous wreck? he wondered grimly. Several possibilities
crossed his mind but the one he lingered on was that she wanted to stop seeing
him that, perhaps, she'd met someone else. He told himself he could handle the
news even as his fist clenched on a surge of sheer rage at the very thought of
Elise with another man. Astonished by his wholly atypical possessiveness, he
consciously relaxed his fingers and tried to keep his voice impassive as he
prompted her. "What is it, Elise?"

"Iuh1 went to the doctor today. I'm pregnant."

Her bravely blurted words stunned him into total immobility.
For what seemed like an eternity he sat staring at her, unable to speak or even
to fully comprehend the reality of what she'd told him. "You're
what?" he managed finally, convinced he'd misunderstood.

She released the lower lip she'd been mangling between her
teeth as she'd waited for his response, her expression one of empathetic
misery. "It's true, Dustin. I'm pregnant. I was just as shocked by the
news as you are. Probably more so."

"When did you find out?"

“This afternoon." The little laugh she gave was
pathetically weak. "I thought I had the flu or something. Can you believe
I was so stupid?"

Needing suddenly to be on his feet, Dustin shoved himself
off the couch and shook his head. "You couldn't be pregnant. We've been
careful, You're on the pill. Dammit, I've seen you taking them!"

She sat very still, her face pale, her hands clenched so
tightly in her lap that her knuckles shone stark white. I know. It seems that I
didn't give the pills enough time to become effective before wewell, you
know. I must have become pregnant early in June, almost immediately after we
became lovers. I'd only started taking the pills a few days before that. We
were supposed to use extra precautions for the first few weeks. It was a
foolish mistake on my part. I feel like an idiot. A woman of twenty-eight
should know better."

Though his mind seemed unusually sluggish, Dustin tried to
think clearly. "But that meansyou mean you're three months pregnant and
you didn't even suspect it?"

Looking even more miserable and embarrassed, Elise nodded.
"I've never been very regular," she offered feebly. "I don't
know, maybe I was deliberately blocking my mind against the possibility. It's
just so mind-boggling."

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that." Squaring
his shoulders, he took a deep breath and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"What do you want to do?"

She wet her lips. "I've been trying to decide ever
since I found out. I haven't had much time to come to terms with it, of course,
but I know I'm going to have the baby. Abortionwell, it's just not an option
for me."

Later he would wonder at the immediate sense of relief he
felt at her statement. For now, he only nodded. "All right. So you're
going to have it. Are you going to keep it?"

"You mean have I considered putting it up for
adoption?"

He nodded.

"I" She looked back down at her hands. "I
don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead. I suppose it's something to
consider. Maybe it would be the best choice for everyone concerned."

Dustin studied the woman sitting so still on the couch, her
face as pale as the cream silk blouse she wore with matching pleated wool
slacks. She looked so small, so uncertain that his heart twisted. Funny. He'd
never considered Elise to be vulnerable. She'd always seemed so dauntingly
competent, so fiercely independent, so blithely carefree. He was as surprised
by his sudden urge to protect her as he had been by the possessiveness he'd
discovered in himself only minutes before. Moving to sit beside her, he put his
arms around her and drew her close, ignoring her stiffness. "You don't
have to make any decisions right now," he said quietly, his cheek resting
on her short, silky hair. "We've got time to discuss the options, decide
what to do."

"We?" she murmured without relaxing into his
embrace.

"We," he repeated firmly. 'This concerns both of
us, remember?"

She pulled out of his arms to look at him, her large dark
eyes almost black with emotion. "Dustin, I don't want you to feel
obligated to me because of this. It was my carelessness that got me into this
mess, not yours. I assured you from the beginning that I was protected."

“Honey, it takes two to make a baby," he drawled more
lightly than he felt, trying to ease the stricken look on her face. "And I
was definitely active in making this

one."

She winced at the innuendo, then looked at him through half-lowered
lashes. "Doesn't it even occur to you to ask if I'm sure you're the
father?"

He really was going to have to do something about these
flashes of possessiveness, Dustin thought rather dazedly, deliberately
unclenching his fist for the second time. Why had they waited thirty-five years
to suddenly make an appearance? Why had he never felt them with any woman
before Elise? "I know damn well I'm the father," he said a bit too
curtly.

"Most men would have asked."

"Not if they know the woman involved as well as I've
come to know you in the past few months," Dustin corrected her. "I'm
aware that you haven't been seeing anyone but me."

"No. I haven't." She met his eyes briefly, then
looked away.

"Have you eaten anything?" he asked, abruptly
changing the subject.

"Not since lunch."

"Then let's go out for dinner."

"I don't really feel like going out tonight," she
protested.

"And I think it's just what you need," he argued.
"What we both need. It'll give us a chance to relax before we talk more
about this. Besides, you need to eat something. You have to take care of
yourself now."

She nodded reluctantly. "All right. I'd like to change
first."

"Take your time. I'll watch the news while you freshen
up, though I don't like the weekend announcers nearly as much as that gorgeous
brunette who does the weekday evening newscasts."

She made an obvious effort to smile at his gently teasing
flattery, but the attempt was shaky and soon faded. Her long lashes lifted
slowly and Dustin was startled to see the tears in her eyes. He'd never seen
Elise cry. He had the feeling that very few people had.

"Elise?" He touched her cheek, finding it cold
beneath his fingertips.

"Dustin, I'm scared," she admitted, her full lower
lip trembling slightly.

He groaned softly and pulled her into his arms, holding her
tightly. "So am I," he confessed. "But we'll get through this.
Together. I promise."

She clung to him for only a moment before inhaling deeply
and drawing away, determinedly gathering her composure. "I'm sorry. I
don't seem to be handling this very well."

"You're doing fine," he assured her. "It's
okay to cry, if you need to."

She shook her head, her delicately rounded chin firming.
"I'm all right now. I'll go change. I won't be long."

Dustin didn't turn on the television after she left the
room. Instead he stared blindly at the blank screen, his mind whirling.

A baby. If it weren't so terrifying, it would almost be
funny. He'd been so determined to avoid children, so Compulsively careful about
taking precautions against making me any. He'd been complacently certain that
Elise was protected; it had never crossed his mind that she might become
pregnant. And now he found himself six months away from becoming a father.

"Damn," he muttered, his chin dropping. "What
the hell am I going to do?"

 

ELISE STOOD quietly at his side as Dustin unlocked her door
later. Too quietly, he thought, slanting her a concerned, sideways glance.
She'd been much too quiet all through dinner, an unusual state for Elise, who
was always such a sparkling conversationalist. By mutual, unspoken agreement,
they hadn't discussed her pregnancy during the meal. Instead Dustin had told
her more about the case he'd been working on and Elise had briefly caught him
up on the local news he'd missed. The conversation had been stilted and rather
strained, on each was preoccupied with the one topic they were

so carefully avoiding. Both had made a show of eating,
though they'd done little more than push the food around on their plates.

He wouldn't have called it a successful dinner date.

Standing back, he waited until she'd preceded him into the
apartment before following. He closed the door behind him, then just stood
there, not quite knowing what to do next.

"Can I get you something to drink?" she asked,
turning to face him from the center of the room, her hands twisting at her
waist.

Polite to the end, he thought wryly, even as he shook his
head. "No, thanks. Why don't we sit down and talk?"

He didn't have to elaborate about the topic he had in mind.
He watched as her eyes widened in near panic. She moistened her lips, ran her
fingers through her short dark hair and then slid her hand down the side of her
blue silk dress. "Dustin, if you don't mind, I'd like to put that talk off
for tonight. I'm really tired, and I haven't had time to think about the way I
feel or what I want to do. I told you about it because I felt you had the right
to know, but I'm just not ready to go into an in-depth discussion about it
yet."

He almost sighed in relief. Truth was, he needed more time
himself. "We'll wait until you're ready," he agreed, knowing it
wasn't necessary to point out that their time was rather limited. "You do
look tired," he added, studying the purple smudges under her eyes.
"You should rest. Do you want me to stay with you tonight? Just for the
company, I mean. You may not want to be alone."

The smile she gave him was rather weak, but more natural
than any he'd seen all evening. "Thank you, but I'll be fine."

He nodded. "All right. I'll call you in the
morning."

"Are you sure I can't get you anything before you
leave? Coffee? A drink?"

"No. I'd better go. I haven't even been home yet. To be
honest, I'm rather tired, myself." He hated the awkwardness between them.
It hadn't been like this even when they'd been strangers meeting for the first
time. Impulsively he strode forward and pulled her into his arms. Burying his
face against her hair, he allowed himself the luxury of holding her, enjoying
the softness of her, the muted spicy scent that had become so familiar in the
past months. He'd missed having her in his arms during the week he'd been gone.
He'd missed her.

What the hell were they going to do?

Reluctantly pulling back, and vaguely gratified that her
hands were slow in loosening from their grip on his jacket, he brushed his
mouth over hers. His hands dropped to her waist, to lay there loosely.
"Try to get some sleep tonight."

She only nodded.

Dustlin looked down at his right hand, almost surprised to
find it resting against her flat, taut stomach. Just there, he thought dazedly.
Just beneath his hand a child grew. Their child. His child. His eyes lifted
slowly to lock with hers. The silence stretched for what seemed like a very
long time before he pulled away. "Good night, Elise."

"Good night, Dustin."

He didn't look back at her as he walked out the door. He
wasn't at all sure what she'd read in his eyes if he did.




2

 

THANK HEAVEN it was Sunday, Elise thought as she pulled on
her favorite baggy sweatshirt and most comfortable pair of faded jeans, a
dramatic change from her usual wardrobe of designer suits for work and elegant
gowns for evening. Another full day before she had to go back to work, to
pretend she was the same confident, self-assured newswoman she'd been when
she'd left the station Friday night. Would her co-workers know just by looking
at her that everything was different now, that her whole life had changed in
one half-hour visit with her doctor?

A baby. She dropped to the side of her bed and stared at her
argyle socks as the two words echoed in her mind. Elise Webber had had her life
mapped out from her early teens, and she'd never once deviated from her She
hadn't really expected to meet Dustin, but then she'd never been opposed to
romantic relationships as long as they didn't interfere with her career.

Things had been going beautifully with Dustin, de-pite the
occasional qualms she'd had about becoming too deeply involved with him. He
wasn't the kind of man who'd resent her career or the demands it made on her,
having the same workaholic tendencies himself. Nor was he one to push for more
than she wanted to give, since he was as content with his single freedom as
she'd been. But a baby. Now that was one thing she hadn't planned at all.

She swallowed hard as her hand fell to her stomach. Soon
she'd start to show. There'd be talk. She was too well-known in Atlanta and the cable TV market not to be the center of a great deal of gossip when her
pregnancy became public. Unwed motherhood was hardly unheard of in these times,
but there was still a stigma connected, particularly here in the deep South.
What would it do to her career, her popularity with her audience?

She couldn't be fired for pregnancy, of coursebut falling
ratings was certainly grounds for release. She had her fans. Loyal fans who
wrote her often telling her how much they enjoyed her straightforward,
unsensationalized presentation of the news, how they considered her dedicated,
hardworking life-style an excellent role model for the young people she often
spoke to in the public relations aspect of her job.

Role model. She gulped. Would those loyal fans be willing to
accept this new development in the life of their favorite newscaster? Unlike
popular entertainment figures, news personalities were expected to live
exemplary lives, at least publicly. Personal scandals had ruined the careers of
more than one aspiring broadcast journalist.

Elise shuddered. She'd have to tell her mother. She hadn't
dreaded telling Dustin nearly as much as she dreaded telling her mother. Hadn't
Maria been warning her against something like this since Elise had first
entered adolescence? Maria would never understand why Elise wouldn't
immediately rush out and terminate this pregnancy, this potential threat to her
future success. Elise knew full well that, had the option been readily available
twenty-eight years earlier, Elise wouldn't even exist now.

Pregnant and abandoned by her lover at only nineteen, Maria
had been turned away by her religious fundamentalist parents. A strong-willed,
cunningly intelligent woman, she had not allowed those setbacks to stop her
from making something of herself, and she had been determined that her child
would not repeat the mistakes she'd made. It had been Maria who'd drummed into
Elise's head that her career was everything for a woman, that marriage and children
were nothing more than traps used by men to hold women down. It had been Maria
who'd encouraged Elise to go into television news, to aim for a national anchor
spot.

"They have nothing you don't have," Maria had
insisted so often. "In fact, you have the potential to be the most popular
newscaster since Cronkite. Look at your popularity In Atlanta. Just don't allow
yourself to be sidetracked by the obstacles men place in women's paths."

Maria would definitely consider pregnancy an
obstacle--though, once she was past her disappointment with Elise, she'd be
sure to point out that her own unplanned pregnancy had not stopped her from
opening a chain of boutiques that had eventually gone into national franchise.
Now president and CEO of Marla's, Inc., she was one of the most prominent and
successful businesswomen in the nation.

Maria's career had always been her consuming passion; having
known nothing else, Elise had learned very early to accept second place in her
mother's life. Had even admired her mother for her single-minded pursuit of
success in a man's world, growing up indepen-dent and self-sufficient and
determined to make Maria proud of the daughter she hadn't intended to have.

The security buzzer summoned her from the other room. She
frowned. Dustin had said he would call; she wondered if he planned to make a
habit of these unannounced visits. Torn between reluctance to see him until
she'd had more time to make some decisions and an uncharacteristic desire to be
held in his arms and, for once in her life, allow someone else to take care of
her, she walked into the other room and pressed the intercom button.
"Yes?"

Expecting to hear Dustin's voice, she broke into a broad
smile when she was greeted, instead, by a sultry alto. "It's me. I've got
something to show you. You're going to flip."

"Ariel! I was just about to call you. Come on up."

Elise waited impatiently for her friend to reach her
apartment. Though she had many acquaintances, a broad circle of peers with whom
she socialized, Ariel Richards was Elise's only truly close friend. They'd been
roommates in college, engaging in a continuous, cheerful game of one-upmanship
that served as both entertainment and inspiration to both of them. Elise had
always imagined that her relationship with Ariel more closely resembled that of
sisters than friends. She desperately needed that bond with another woman just
noweven though Dustin had been surprisingly supportive and understanding the
night before.

"Okay, this time I've outdone you," Ariel
announced as she walked into her friend's apartment, a broad smile lighting her
attractively gamine face beneath her mop of artfully blond hair. "There's
nothing you can say that will top my announcement."

"I wouldn't bet on it," Elise commented dryly,
dropping into a chair as Ariel curled with comfortable familiarity onto the
couch. "I have an announcement of my own to make."

Looking smug, Ariel shook her head. "Believe me, my
news is bigger." Pausing for dramatic effect, she took her time
straightening her full flowered skirt over Her long, thin legs.

Elise sighed gustily, falling in with the game. "Well,
go ahead, tell me the big news. But I promise you my news is more unbelievable
than yours will be."

Her sapphire-blue eyes glittering with laughter, Ariel shook
her head again, then waved her left hand in the air, fingertips wriggling.
"I'm engaged."

Elise felt her jaw sag. "Engaged? Ariel, you're
getting married?"

“That's what engaged usually means," Ariel replied
cheerfully. "Glenn proposed last night. I told him I'd have to think about
it. Then he pulled out this rock. I tool one look at it and decided I'd thought
about it long enough."

Eyeing the spectacularly gaudy diamond on Ariel's left hand,
Elise blinked in amazement. "I knew you and Glenn were getting serious,
but I had no idea it had come to this. Marriage! I can't believe it."

Ariel giggled happily. "Incredible, isn't it?"

"You could say that. Weren't you the one who said you
were never getting married, never tying yourself down to just one man? Weren't
you the one who said that no man would ever be as important to you as your
byline on page one of the morning paper?"

Shrugging, Ariel waved a dismissive hand. "So I was
wrong. Glenn's much more important to me than a byline could ever be.
Not," she added quickly, "that I intend to give up my job or my
bylines. He promises that he'll never interfere with my work, just as I'd never
dream of coming between him and his patients."

"Married," Elise said again, dazed at the thought.
It seemed her life wasn't the only one about to undergo major changes.
"When?"

"Late next month. October twenty-sixth."

"You've already set the date?"

"Glenn insisted we do that immediately after I accepted
his proposal. I think he's afraid I'll back out if we don't hurry and get it
done," Ariel confided in amusement. "He's wrong, of course. I was
surprised by his proposal, but I'd already decided I was going to marry him. I
thought I'd have to manipulate him into proposing. Turned out he was way ahead
of me. I want you to be my maid of honor. Will you?"

Elise wondered how Ariel felt about maternity bridesmaid's
dressesthough maybe she wouldn't be showing that soon, she thought with
halfhearted optimism. Sure. She'd be almost five months pregnant. She didn't
think she'd get away with a traditional Southern-belle bridesmaid's gown with a
full skirt and tiny, nipped-in waist. "Maybe I'd better tell you my news
first."

Ariel lifted a skeptical eyebrow. "Surely you don't
still think your little announcement is more momentous than mine?" she
teased.

Elise only took a deep breath.

Her smile fading, Ariel searched her friend's face more
closely. "This looks pretty major. What is it, Elise?"

"I'm pregnant. Three months pregnant, actually."

"Oh my God."

Elise managed a weak smile. "Yeah. That was pretty much
my reaction when I found out."

"When? When did you find out, I mean?"

"Yesterday."

"Have you told Dustin?"

Trust Ariel to cut right to the heart of the matter.
"Yes. I told him last night."

"How'd he take it?"

"He had very much the same look on his face that you do
now. Stunned disbelief."

Ariel shook her head slowly. "Can you blame me? I know
I have said I wasn't ever getting married, but you well, you were always so
adamantly opposed to marriage and children and all the obligations accompanying
each. You wouldn't even have a pet because you didn't want to be responsible
for taking care of it. Even plants commit suicide when they enter this
apartment, preferring a quick, painless death to slow dehydration."

Elise winced. "You're not telling me anything I haven't
already thought about."

"You've always been so careful! You lived almost like a
nun until you met Dustin."

"I thought I was being careful with Dustin. I screwed
up."

Leaning forward until her elbows rested on her knees, Ariel
looked sympathetically at Elise. "Sohow do you feel about it?"

"Numb," Elise admitted. "I can't decide
exactly what I feel. Shock. Denial. Dismay. Panic. A few more emotions that
don't quite lend themselves to words."

"I can imagine. I'd be feeling the same way if it had
happened to me. What are you going to do?"

"Have the baby. After thatI don't know. Dustin asked
if I was going to keep it."

"Are you?"

"I don't know," Elise said again, looking down.
"I just can't seem to think that far ahead."

"What does Dustin want you to do?"

"I hate to keep saying I don't know, but I don't know.
He was very careful not to express any opinions last night. I told him I wanted
time to think before we had any serious discussions. He did tell me, however,
that we're in this together and that he'll stand by whatever decision 1
make."

"That's big of him."

"Don't be sarcastic, Ariel. It's not his fault. He
really was wonderful last night, considering that he was in shock."

Ariel sighed and flopped back against the couch cushions.
"Sorry. I just never have trusted that guy. He's too handsome, too smooth,
too something. And that reputation of hiswell, it doesn't exactly inspire
confidence."

"I know." In addition to having heard about Dustin
during the five months he'd lived in Atlanta before meeting Elise, they'd both
heard stories about him from a journalist acquaintance in Nashville, where
Dustin had lived for several years before moving to Atlanta. Caroline had told
them that he was a charming, successful attorney who went through women like
tissues, avoided commitment and responsibility with a relentless fervor, and
was known for his infamous Rules of Relationships.

Despite Elise's immediate attraction to Dustin, the way he'd
exerted himself to charm her from that first meeting, her instant recognition
of a kindred spirit, she'd been reluctant to become involved with him. She'd
had no desire to become one of a long line of women in his life. But it had
turned out that she had no more willpower against this particular man than any
of the others had had.

Ariel finger-combed her shaggy bangs, the beginnings of a
smile twitching at the corners of her plum-glossed mouth. "You with a
baby. That's really an awesome thought."

Elise couldn't prevent her own slight smile of agreement.
"I know. Believe me, I know."

"Have you ever even held a baby?"

"Once. When I was twelve. A friend of my mother's
shoved her adorable little urchin into my arms. It screamed. I nearly dropped
it."

Ariel laughed, then grew sober, drawing her legs up
comfortably beneath her, her expression affection-ntely sympathetic.
"Okay, let's talk. Tell me everything you're feeling, cry if you need to.
I'll probably even join you. You look like woman who's in need of a
friend."

Closing her eyes for a moment against a wave of emotion,
Elise thought of how grateful she was to have such a friend

 

As SOON AS Elise opened her door to him later that
afternoon, Dustin knew something had changed since the night before. The
frightened, vulnerable, insecure woman of last night was gone, replaced by the
Elise Webber he'd grown to know so well. Strong. Independent. Decisive. And so
beautifully sexy that his whole body tightened in response.

Abruptly reminded that it had been over a week since they'd
made love, he cleared his throat and pulled her to him for a kiss, telling
himself that this was no time to be thinking about the very thing that had
gotten them into this trouble in the first place. And still he wanted her so
badly that it was all he could do not to throw her over his shoulder and carry
her into the bedroom.

The kiss he'd intended to be only a brief greeting stretched
into a much deeper, much longer caress. When he finally, reluctantly drew back,
he had to swallow hard to clear his voice. "You said something on the
phone about making a pot of coffee," he reminded her, striving to keep his
tone light.

Her smile trembled a bit around the edges before she
steadied it. "I knew that would get you here in a hurry." She turned
and headed for the kitchen, Dustin following closely at her heels.

"You do make the best coffee I've ever tasted," he
agreed, his eyes lifting from her colorful argyle feet to linger on the sway of
slender hips outlined by worn-soft jeans. He'd always been charmed by the rare
glimpses of the casual, youthful Elise hiding behind the slick,
ultrasophisticated professional facade she wore most of the time.

"How about a slice of my housekeeper's famous chocolate
cake to go with the coffee? She brought me one yesterday, knowing how much you
love them."

"Great. Make it a big slice, will you? I missed lunch
catching up on paperwork."

"Then I'll make you a sandwich before cutting the cake.
Turkey or ham?"

Dustin dropped into a chair at her small kitchen table,
folding his hands expectantly in front of him. "Gee, you don't have to go
to all that trouble. I'll have turkey, please."

Smiling at his foolishness, Elise set his coffee in front of
him, then pulled the ingredients for a thick sandwich out of her refrigerator.
"Ariel stopped by this morning. She had a rather startling announcement to
make."

"She's pregnant, too?" Dustin asked dryly, then
wished he'd kept his mouth shut when Elise dropped the knife she'd used for
spreading mayonnaise.

"Um, no." Recovering quickly, Elise rinsed the
knife and finished assembling the sandwich without looking around at Dustin.
"She and Glenn are getting married."

Married. Dustin rolled the word over in his mind a few times
before realizing he was expected to express some sort of reaction. "Hey,
that's good news. Glenn must be pleased with himself."

Dustin and Elise had spent quite a bit of time with Ariel
and Glenn during the past couple of months, growing to be good friends. Having
known for some time that Glenn was besottedly in love with Elise's charming
friend, Dustin wasn't surprised that the rather conservative young doctor had
proposed marriage. He was a bit surprised that Ariel had accepted, however.
Ariel had always proclaimed herself to be as marriage shy as Elise and
Dustin.

But, then, he and Elise were living proof that fortune had a
habit of changing one's plans.

"They're getting married late next month." Elise
took the chair opposite Dustin, a cup of coffee in front of her as she watched
him eat and tried to make conversation. "She asked me to be her maid of
honor."

"Doing the whole bit, are they? Bridesmaids, white
gown, tuxedos?"

"Yeah. Glenn has his heart set on a big wedding. Ariel
suspects that he thinks it'll keep her from backing out at the last minutetoo
many witnesses. She admitted, however, that she really wants the full ceremony
herself. They're to be married at her mother's house, which is certainly large
enough to accommodate quite a few guests. She's even going to wear her mother's
wedding gown. She said if she's going to do this thing, she may as well do it
right."

"Well, that's nice," Dustin murmured, pushing away
an unexpected mental picture of Elise clad in filmy white lace. What was with
him today, anyway? All this talk of weddings and babies must be getting to him.
And, speaking of babies...

He finished the last bite of his sandwich and pushed his
plate away, ready to talk about the subject that had been on his mind all day.
"Did you tell Ariel?"

He didn't have to clarify the question. "Yes, I
did," she answered quietly. "How'd she react?"

Elise managed a weak smile. "Once she got over her
shock, she thought it was rather funny."

Dustin grimaced. "Yeah, I guess she would." He
rested his elbows on the table and studied her face.

"You've made some decisions since yesterday, haven't
you?"

She showed no surprise at his perception, nor did he expect
her to. From the beginning they'd had an almost uncanny knack of reading each
other's expressions; they'd even joked about having a psychic bond. The humor
had been their way of reacting to the intimacy that had formed so quickly
between them, a link that neither knew quite how to handle. "Yes, I
have," she confirmed. "At least for the present."

"And?" he urged.

"I've decided not to make a decision, actually. I have
to have some time to accept what's happened and to consider the options. This
is too important for an impulsive decision made while I'm still reeling in
shock from the diagnosis."

Dustin considered her words, then nodded slowly. She was
right, of course. Her decision was a crucial one, a choice that would affect at
least three lives. Though time was limited, there was no need to rush into an
action she could well live to regret. "All right. Just remember I'll be
around whenever you want to talk."

He frowned as he watched her shift uncomfortably in her seat
and moisten her lips. "Actually I think we should talk about that, as
well. You being around, I mean."

His frown deepened dramatically. "Why?"

"I think you and I should stop seeing each other,
Dustin."

It wasn't necessary for Dustin to analyze his immediate and
intense response to her announcement. It was panic, pure and simplemixed with
a healthy dose of fury. "You what?" he almost shouted.

Taken aback by his dramatic reaction, Elise blinked, then
stared at him. "Now, Dustin"

He shoved himself to his feet, glaring down at her.
"Don't 'now, Dustin' me," he snapped. "Why the hell should we
stop seeing each other?"

"I just think it's best," she answered with
frustrating obscurity.

"Give me one good reason."

At his tone, she tossed her head back defiantly, her dark
eyes beginning to glitter with annoyance. He noted the signs, but didn't
particularly care. He was quite a bit more than annoyed with her. "I can
give you several reasons," she answered him coolly. "I'm pregnant."

"So you've said. What does that have to do with
this?"

Elise threw up her hands in a gesture of incomprehension.
"Dustin, would you stop shouting and listen to me? I'm doing this for your
sake!"

"My sake?" he repeated incredulously.

"Yes! Don't you see that people are going to talk when
they find out that I'm pregnant? I'm too well-known in this city in this state
for that mutterto hope that I won't be the subject of a great deal of gossip
and speculation. If you and I are still seeing each other when it's no longer
possible to conceal the pregnancy, then you'll be included in that
gossip."

"You're worried about the gossip?" He could hardly
believe his words were true; Elise had never seemed to care what other people
said behind her back. He'd always thought she was more secure than that.

"I guess I am," she admitted, "I have my
future career to think of. A scandal won't further it. Maybe if I worked in California or New York, but not here in the Bible Belt. And you have your own career, your
own reputation to consider. Everyone knows you're not into commitment and
children. Imagine what they'll say about you when they find out that I'm
pregnant with your child."

"Not that I give a damn what 'they' say, but consider
this." One hand planted on the table in front of her, he loomed over her
chair. "What do you think they'll say when they find out that I got you
pregnant and then dropped you like a hot rock?"

She caught her lower lip between her teeth at his words,
then released it and suggested tentatively, "No one has to know it's your
child."

"Oh, come off it, Elise. Everyone who reads the society
pages will know it's mine. We've been in them quite regularly for the past few
months, thanks to your popularity with the public. Those same society writers
have taken great pleasure in pointing out that neither of us has been seen with
anyone else since we started dating. Maybe you missed the column last week,
after the Special Olympics fund-raiser, that speculated about whether these two
devoted singles were finally considering tying the knot."

Elise winced. "I didn't think you'd seen that one. You
never mentioned it."

"I didn't consider it worth mentioning. Neither of us
cares about that sort of prattle. Or at least I didn't think you cared any more
than I do, though I realize your job makes you more vulnerable to public
opinion."

Elise reached out and caught his wrist in both her hands,
staring up at him with concern. "Dustin, you've been very understanding
about this and your willingness to stand by me means a lot to me. But it was my
mistake that got me into this, not yours. My life has changed, of course, but
there's no need for yours to do so."

He tugged on his arm, bringing her to her feet in front of
him. "Idiot," he told her, turning the word into an endearment with
his tone. "My life has changed as dramatically as yours. We've made a
baby, you and I, and now it's up to both of us to make sure we do the best
thing for it. And then there's this." His arms going around her, he
lowered his head until his lips hovered just above hers. "I don't want
to stop seeing you."

She sighed, her breath warm on his face, and relaxed into
his arms. "I don't want to stop seeing you, either"

His mouth covered hers, smothering anything more she would
have said. Feeling as if he'd escaped a very close call, Dustin hauled her
closer, unable to loosen his hold on her. How could she even suggest that it
was over between them? He wasn't any happier with this new development than she
was, didn't know what they were going to do about it, wasn't willingor even
ableto hazard a guess as to how much longer he and Elise would be together.
But he wasn't ready to end it yet. Not by a long shot. He tried to tell her so
with his kiss, taking her mouth with an almost forceful possession that he'd
never shown with her before.

His fingers delving into the short, silky hair at her nape,
he tilted her head back farther, giving him deeper access to the tantalizing
depths of her mouth. His tongue swept hers, challenging her to respond, an
invitation she accepted eagerly. Her arms were locked around his neck, bringing
her breasts flush against his chest. He savored the feeling, knowing exactly
how it felt to hold those perfect breasts in his hands, to taste them, to feel
them crushed beneath him as he and Elise made love. Spectacular love. Only
Elise had ever driven him so very close to madness. Perhaps that was why no
other woman had interested him since he'd met her, something that had begun to
concern him. Would he ever want another woman as much?

Pushing such unsettling thoughts to the back of his mind, he
drew his mouth from hers and smiled down at her. "Let's get out of this
apartment. I need fresh air." It was either that or take her into the
bedroomand he wasn't so sure she was interested in that just now.

"Yeah, so do I," she returned, moistening her
kiss-darkened lips and smoothing her hair with notably unsteady hands. She made
a noble attempt to keep her voice light as she added, "I would have
thought you'd have a rule against dating pregnant women."

"It doesn't count when I was involved in getting her
that way," he returned quietly. "Now go put on your lipstick and get
your coat. We're going out."

She hesitated for only a moment, looking as if there was
something she needed to say if only she could remember what it was. And then
she surrendered, nodding, and turned to follow his smiling command.




3

 

ELISE found it much easier than she'd expected to pretend
everything was fine when she returned to work on Monday. Simply by putting her
pregnancy out of her mind and concentrating on her work, she discovered that
she could behave exactly as she always had laughing and cutting up with her
co-workers, giving serious concentration to her job. She smiled at the camera
with her usual confidence before delivering the news in the easy, yet earnest
manner that had made her so popular with her viewers. It had always been her
belief that the news she presented was too important for the irritatingly
frivolous delivery of some local broadcasters, and yet she carefully avoided a
somber, humorless manner that would have appeared condescendingly pretentious,

She felt so good at the end of that working day, found it so
easy to pretend nothing was wrong, that she continued to do so on her own time
during the next weeks. Refusing to discuss--or even think aboutthe problem,
she went on with life as usual, attending the PR functions inherent with her
job, accompanying Dustin to the symphony, another charity fund-raiser, and a
friend's fortieth birthday party. Helping Ariel with wedding plans, and color
selections, spending several hours shopping with another friend-defiantly
buying clothes that wouldn't fit her in another month. She even had lunch with
her mother once, but didn't mention the baby or Dustin, whom Maria considered a
real threat to her daughter's blossoming career.

"Elise, we really ought to talk," Dustin informed
her at the end of the third week of life as usual. It was another Saturday
evening and they'd been out to dinner, returning to her apartment for espresso.
Dustin had shed his jacket and tie and loosened the collar of his
gray-and-burgundy-striped white shirt, and Elise had deliberately kept the
conversation light and relatively impersonal, as she had the other times they'd
been together since she'd told him about the baby. He'd gone along with her up
to now, but it seemed that he was losing patience. "You're almost four
months pregnant now. Shouldn't we be making some decisions?"

"I've been thinking about it, Dustin," she assured
him, though she knew as she spoke that she wasn't being entirely honest. She'd
only been thinking about new ways not to think about it, not making decisions
for her future. She simply wasn't ready to deal with it.

"What did you have for lunch today?" he demanded,
seemingly inconsequentially.

She frowned and tilted her head in question. "I don't
remember. Why?"

"Did you even have lunch today?"

Though she couldn't imagine what that had to do with
anything, she made herself think back over her day. As she did every Saturday,
she'd spent the morning doing some of the chores her busy workweek precluded
until weekends. The light housekeeping she did between her cleaning woman's
regular days, hand washing some delicate underthings, a trip to the cleaners,
some shopping. Come to think of it, she had skipped lunch. "Well, no, I
didn't," she admitted. "I didn't have time."

"You didn't have time for lunch Monday because there
was an airliner crash in Madrid. Wednesday you spoke to a group of high-school
students interested in broadcast journalism and you couldn't eat because you
had to rush back to the station. Thursday you were speaker at a Rotary meeting,
and you didn't eat because you hate eating at head tables where everyone can
watch you. Yesterday there was the hostage crisis in L.A. that you had to keep an
eye on for your early newscast."

Frowning, Elise studied him uncertainly, wondering why his
blue eyes suddenly seemed to be snapping with anger. "You've been
monitoring my lunches?" she asked slowly.

"Someone has to," he returned irritably, shoving
one hand through his hair, the action mussing the carefully styled waves.
"You're not getting enough sleep, you're not eating right, you're not
making any concessions at all to your condition. That routine may be fine
normally, but you have your health to consider now, Elise, and that of the
baby's."

She tilted her chin in annoyance at his parental tone.
"I am quite capable of taking care of myself, Dustin. I have been for most
of my twenty-eight years. I do not need a guardian."

"You couldn't prove it by me," he returned coolly,
pacing a few steps away and then turning to look hard at her. "What you've
been doing for the past few weeks is called repressing. It's not going to work.
You can't make this pregnancy go away by pretending it never happened. You're
going to start showing soon, and it will no longer be possible to act as if
nothing has changed."

She dropped onto the couch and folded her arms across the
teal-blue silk sweater she wore with a matching floral-print challis skirta
skirt with an elastic waistband. How could she pretend nothing had changed when
she couldn't get into half her clothes? she asked herself wearily. "Don't
patronize me, Dustin."

"I'm not patronizing. I'm stating facts. You have to
start making some adjustments in your life. Neither pretending otherwise nor
punishing me is going to change that."

That brought her head around sharply. She stared at him,
wondering what in the world he'd meant by his words. "Punishing you? I
haven't been punishing you."

"Haven't you?" He met her eyes fully and for the
first time she saw hurt in them. "You've treated me like a distant
acquaintance for the past three weeks, a casual date you hardly know. You make
small talk on our dates, chattering about anything but the baby or our
relationship, and when the evenings are over you firmly send me away with
little more than a peck on the cheek. You are blaming me for what happened,
aren't you?"

"Oh, Dustin, of course I'm not blaming you," she
assured him remorsefully, standing to cross the room and stop in front of him.
"I told you from the beginning that I consider the blame to be mine."

"And I told you that I feel as responsible as you do,
that I want to stand by you. So why are you pushing me away?"

For the first time she acknowledged to herself that she had been
trying to push him away. It hadn't been a conscious act on her part, but she'd
done so, nevertheless. "I'm sorry, Dustin. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's
just that"

"What, Elise?" he encouraged her gently, catching
her hands in his and looking down at her with concern.

"I guess I'm finding it hard to believe that you're
really going to go through with this. Soon I'll be fat and awkward and people
will start asking nosy questions. Not exactly a fun date for you."

"Dammit, stop protecting me! I know what to expect. I'm
not going to be embarrassed to be seen with you. You couldn't be any less
beautiful pregnant than you are now."

She swallowed hard, her stomach knotting at his words. It
had been so hard to send him away after their dates, to be with him without
intimacy. She'd spent so many nights wishing she was in his arms, forgetting
everything else in the heated pleasure of his lovemaking. "But you can't
expect me to believe that your feelings for me haven't changed."

His eyes widened, then narrowed in sudden comprehension.
"You think I don't want you anymore, is that it?"

She quickly lowered her gaze. "It's all right, Dustin.
I understand. Pregnant women aren't exactly a turn-on."

"Elise, you're the one who's been bringing the evenings
to an early end."

"Only because you never seemed inclined to carry them
any farther."

She found herself crushed against his chest so suddenly that
she blinked in surprise, lifting her face to his on a sudden surge of nervous
hope.

"You idiot," he murmured with a tender smile that
tightened her throat. "I have never stopped wanting you. Do you have any
idea how many cold showers I've taken in the past month? My skin has started to
form goose bumps just at the sound of running water. As for the next few
months, you don't have to worry about my being turned off by you. That gorgeous
body of yours is only part of the reason I like being with you, only part of
the reason I'm so attracted to you."

She sighed and pressed her head into the comforting junction
of his neck and shoulder, her eyes closing. "Everything is so
confusing," she murmured. "I still can't believe this is really
happening."

"It's happening. And you can't keep blocking it out of
your mind. But for tonight, let's both stop thinking about anything except each
other. What do you say?"

Her arms tightened around his waist. "I say you've got
a deal."

For a long moment he simply held her, allowing her to soak
up his warmth, his comfort. And then comfort slowly transformed into desire.
Achingly familiar sensations began to penetrate her consciousness. The feel of
Dustin's strong arms around her, his palms warm through her silk sweater. The
spicy heat of his skin as she snuggled her face into his throat. His hard,
vibrant body pressed full-length to hers, his chest rising and falling against
her breasts with his deepening breathing, a delicious tightening against her
abdomen. She stirred, nuzzling into the hollow of his throat and his pulse
quickened against her lips. She could have laughed in relief that he did,
indeed, still want her. Instead she lifted her face to his in mute invitation.

His eyes were a hot, brilliant blue as they met hers. He
lowered his mouth so slowly that she strained impatiently up to meet him. Even
when their lips touched, he took his time, barely brushing her mouth, back and
forth, again and again until she thought she'd scream if he didn't kiss her
soon. The tip of his tongue darted out to trace her lips, dipping with
tantalizing briefness into the moist opening and then retreating. His hips moved
lazily against her, making her even more ravenous for him to hurry.
"Dustin, kiss me," she ordered him, reaching up to frame his face in
her hands, pulling him downward.

"With pleasure," he murmured, smiling. She felt
that smile against her mouth when he finally gave in to her demands and pressed
his lips hard against hers. And then the gentle humor turned to fierce
possession as he stormed her mouth with a thoroughness that proved his need for
her had not abated since he'd last made love with her. This kiss, in fact, had
a new intensity, a more desperate edge than before, something she didn't have
time to analyze as he carried her with him into the mindless oblivion of
passion.

They barely made it to the bedroom before they began to
undress each other and themselves, articles of clothing falling heedlessly
around them. Still struggling out of his shirt, Dustin kissed her again,
pressing her backward until she fell onto the bed. Throwing his shirt aside, he
followed her, covering her body with his as he deepened the kiss. His tongue
swept her mouth, his hands making a similar exploration of her body. Elise
moaned and arched beneath him, trembling with needs too long denied.

"Ah, Elise, you feel so good," Dustin groaned,
releasing her mouth to lower his head to the full breasts he cupped in his
hands. "I've needed this, needed you."

She gasped when he took one almost painfully hardened nipple
into his mouth. "Oh, Dustin."

"Don't let me hurt you."

"No." Her breath leaving her body in a massive
rush, she was barely able to answer him. "You won't hurt me. Oh..."

Fleeting thoughts of her pregnancy-enlarged breasts and
thickening waist occurred to her but scattered under the onslaught of his
ravenous hands and mouth. If Dustin noted the differences, if the moist, gentle
kisses he pressed to her stomach were an acknowledgement of the changes, he
didn't say. His husky whispers told her, instead, that she was beautiful, that
he wanted her, that she pleased him. She moved feverishly with him, striving to
give him as much pleasure as he gave her. Smiling weakly when his ragged
breathing and helpless shudders testified to her success.

And then he was deep inside her, closer than anyone had ever
been to her, and she clung to him, racing with him toward that shattering,
glorious explosion she'd known only with him. They cried out together when it
hit them.

When they'd recovered their breath, Dustin rolled to his
side, snuggling her close. "Umm," he murmured sleepily. "You're
incredible. I don't think I'll ever get enough of you."

Not the words of love they'd both avoided so carefully
before, but closer to a declaration than anything he'd said to her before.
Elise lay awake as Dustin slept, wondering why she wasn't feeling as
apprehensive as she should by the bonds that seemed to be getting stronger
between them all the time. She found herself hoping that he never would get
enough of her, even as she reminded herself that she had no room in her life
for a permanent commitment. Becoming aware that her hand was idly stroking the
tiny swell of her stomach, she clenched her fingers and dropped her arm to her
side. Closing her eyes, she made a determined effort to avoid thinking of her
problems, as she'd been doing so successfully during the past three weeks.

 

"... .SO I GUESS I'll put it up for sale. I kind of
hate to do it, but I really don't have time to make sure it's properly cared
for and who knows when Glenn and I would get a chance to use it. Elise, are you
listening to me?"

Blinking, Elise made herself concentrate on the woman sitting
across the restaurant table from her. "Yes, of course I was listening,
Ariel. You were talking about the lakeside house in Arkansas that your father
left you this summer. You said you're going to sell it?" "I'm
thinking about it," Ariel confirmed, then pushed her lunch plate aside and
rested her elbows on the table, looking steadily at Elise. "What's
wrong?"

Elise sighed. "Do I really have to answer that?"
Ariel shook her shaggy head with a sympathetically rueful moue. "No. I
guess trying on bridesmaids' dresses was depressing, huh?"

"Yeah. I hadn't realized my figure had already changed
that much," Elise agreed glumly. "The blouson style we picked out
wouldn't have been my first choice."

"It's a beautiful dress. That deep pink looked great
with your dark hair and eyes. I knew it would when I chose that color for my
wedding decorations."

Elise managed a smile at Ariel's loyal attempt to cheer her
up. "I guess what's really bothering me is that it's getting harder all
the time to pretend nothing's wrong. I mean, here it is, the middle of October
and, like it or not, I'm four and a half months along. I've already caught a
few people eyeing my waistline, even though I've started wearing looser fitting
clothes. I'm sure they're trying to decide if I'm simply gaining weight or if I
really am pregnant."

"You knew you wouldn't be able to hide it
forever."

"I tried not to think about it."

"I know. Didn't change anything, did it?"

"No. I'm afraid not."

Ariel leaned forward and tapped one long-nailed finger
against the edge of her friend's plate. "Stop playing with those
vegetables and finish eating them. You need them."

Elise groaned and rolled her eyes. "Now you sound like
Dustin."

Grinning, Ariel leaned back in her seat. "Still
watching you like a hawk, is he?"

"Worse. I can't believe this is the same guy who had to
give away the goldfish he kept in his office before the poor things died from
neglect. He knows every bite of food I've had for the past two months. It's as
if an alarm goes off in his head every time I dare to skip a meal."

"He's concerned about you, Elise."

"I know." Elise pushed a broccoli spear with her
fork. "Incredible, isn't it?"

"That he's being like this? Yes, it is. To be honest, I
would have expected Dustin Chandler to take to his heels in panic when you told
him you were pregnant. I thought he was too selfish and shallow to stand by
you. Looks like I was wrong."

"I always gave him more credit than you did, but I've
been a little surprised myself at how well he's handling this," Elise
confessed. "Better than I am, actually."

"You're doing fine, kid."

Elise grimaced. "Yeah. Sure."

They lingered for a while longer over their lunch and then
it was time for both of them to get back to work. They had just risen from the
table when they were greeted by a silky, feminine voice. "Ariel. Elise.
How nice to see you both."

Elise shared a quick, expressive look with Ariel before
turning with a forced smile to face the woman whose voice she'd immediately
recognized. The weather reporter at a competing TV station, Marissa Rule had
aspirations to be an anchor. She would also have given anything to go out with
Dustin, who had recently been listed in the social columns as one of Atlanta's most eligible bachelors. Her jealousy of Elise made her delight in being catty
when their paths crossed. Tall and curvaceous with a conspicuous mane of long,
frosted curls, she would never admit what most of her associates in the
business delighted in saying behind their handsthat her popularity with viewers
was in direct proportion to the amount of cleavage she showed during her
weather reports. "Hello, Marissa. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just fine, thanks." Marissa's eyes swept
down Elise's loose-fitting knit dress, her long, heavily darkened lashes
fluttering. "Have you put on a few pounds lately, Elise? That's so easy to
do this time of year, isn't it? Maybe you should look into that new diet that's
all the rage now. I hear it works wonders."

Ignoring Ariel's gasp of indignation, Elise curled her
fingers tightly around her purse strap and held her smile with an effort.
"Why, thank you, Marissa. How nice of you to be concerned."

"So tell me, Elise. Have you seen that delicious
attorney lately that you dated for a while?"

Elise's smile wavered but she forced it to remain. "As
a matter of fact, Dustin and I are still dating."

Marissa made a great show of surprise, her eyes deliberately
traveling back down to Elise's waistline. "How interesting," she
murmured. "Well, I really must go. Ciao, you two." She turned and
swept away on a cloud of heavy scent.

"Bitch," Ariel pronounced clearly, not bothering
to wait until the other woman was out of earshot.

If she heard, Marissa never paused. Perhaps she was
accustomed to hearing the word, Elise thought grimly.

"Elise, don't let her bother you, okay? She's just
jealous."

"Yes, I know. Don't worry about it, Ariel." They
parted warmly, after making plans to get together the following weekend for
last-minute wedding preparations.

Two hours later, Elise looked up from the news copy she'd
been going over, gazed thoughtfully at the telephone on her desk, then lifted
the receiver. She punched in the number to the newspaper for which Ariel
worked, hoping Ariel wasn't out on a story. She was relieved when her friend
came on the line. "Ariel, I need a favor."

"You got it."

"Maybe you'd better hear it first." Her eyes
scanning the newsroom she so loved, Elise took a deep breath, pushed a short
tendril of dark hair away from her face and then turned her full attention to
convincing her friend that the decision she'd made that afternoon was the right
one.

 

"YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT!" Dustin demanded,
slapping his fork down on the white linen tablecloth and staring across the
restaurant table at Elise.

She winced and looked quickly around at the other diners.
"Shh. Don't make a scene, Dustin."

"That's why you chose to tell me over dinner,
right?" he asked grimly, frowning at her. "You thought I wouldn't
lose my temper if you told me this damn fool plan of yours in public. Don't
count on it, honey.''

Elise leaned forward, her hands clasped on the table in
front of her, her dark eyes large and pleading. "Dustin, just listen to
me, will you? Believe me, I've thought this through and I think it's a good
plan."

He shoved his hand through his hair in exasperation.
"You actually expect me to agree to let you quit your job and move off to
a lake house in Arkansas by yourself? You've lost your mind."

Her chin tilted. He recognized the signs of her irritation
but just then he was too annoyed with her to care. Of all the stupid ideas he'd
ever heard, this one had to be the worst.

"I didn't realize that I needed your permission,"
she told him coolly. "This is my decision and I'm sticking with it. I've
already given two weeks notice to the station. I'll be leaving at the end of
the month."

He choked. "You did what?"

Flushing at the attention his explosion attracted, she
glared at him. "Would you stop doing that? People are staring at us."

"The hell with that. How could you just quit your job
like that? Why would you take a step that drastic without even discussing it
with me first?"

"If you're not going to lower your voice, we're going
to have to leave," she told him sternly. "I won't sit here and become
a spectacle."

"Fine." He threw his napkin onto the table and
stood. "Let's get out of here. Something tells me this conversation may
get louder before it's over."

"I can't believe you're acting this way," Elise
scolded a few minutes later as Dustin headed his Mercedes toward his apartment,
the closest to the restaurant in which they'd been dining. "You've never
made a public scene like that! In fact, I distinctly remember you expressing
your opinion of people who can't control themselves in public places, and it
wasn't at all kind."

"The bombshell you dropped tonight would have caused
anyone to make a scene," he retorted, watching the road ahead as he drove
as quickly as the law and safety allowed. "Why don't you just sit quietly
until we get to my place? I can't talk about this and drive at the same time."

She let out her breath in a huff and shifted in her seat,
her arms crossed defiantly over the strap of her seat belt. "Fine."

He barely allowed her to get inside his luxurious apartment
before whirling to face her. "All right. Spill it. Where did you get this
idiotic idea to go into seclusion in Arkansas until after the baby's
born?"

"It's not an idiotic idea!" she argued heatedly,
hands on her hips as she faced him without flinching. "And I'm not going
into seclusion. But I have my future career to think of, Dustin, and a scandal
here in Atlanta is certainly not going to help it. I'm an unmarried, pregnant
woman who happens to be quite well-known. I've already started getting strange
looks and I can tell people aren't going to accept this development without comment.
I simply stated to my employers that I was resigning for temporary health
problems and, hopefully, whatever gossip arises from my departure will quickly
die down if I'm not around as a reminder."

"Do you even know anyone in Arkansas?" he
demanded, beginning to pace in frustration, frantically wondering how to talk
her out of her plans. She couldn't move away. Dammit, he wouldn't let her,
whatever he had to do to stop her!

"No. But Ariel assures me that the house is a nice one
with close neighbors on either side, only twenty minutes away from a hospital
in Hot Springs. It's not as if I'm proposing to move into an isolated cabin in
the Ozarks."

"You'll still be alone and pregnant."

"Lots of women end up alone and pregnant," she
answered flatly. "They get by. And it's not as if I'm financially
dependent on my job, not entirely. My stock in my mother's company is enough to
serve my needs until I can find another anchor position somewhere."

"I don't care about any other women right now," he
snapped, ignoring her arguments. "I care about you.

And there's no way in hell that I'm going to let you do
this."

She lifted her chin and stared him straight in the eye.
"I don't really see how you're going to stop me. I don't want to stay in Atlanta, Dustin. I want to move to Arkansas."

"And I don't want you to go off alone in your
condition," he returned as firmly.

"Then what do you suggest we do about it?" she
asked in challenge.

He stared at her for a moment, then shrugged with assumed
unconcern. "I suppose I'll just have to go with you," he told her,
the words leaving his mouth before he'd even realized he was going to say them.





4

 

"YOU MUST BE JOKING," Elise decided after a moment
of stunned silence.

Dustin met her eyes without smiling. "Do I look as
though I'm joking?"

She studied his face. He looked dead serious. "This is
absurd. You can't just go off to Arkansas with me."

"Why not?"

"Why not?" she repeated incredulously.
"Dustin, you have a job! You can't just walk away from it for six or seven
months. You'd have to quit."

"Isn't that what you did?"

She couldn't believe he was saying these things so calmly,
as if his words were completely rational. "You're not the one who's
pregnant," she reminded him.

"No. But I'm as responsible for your condition as you
are."

"But your job!" she said again, feeling as if the
entire situation was slipping away from her control. As if her whole life had
left her control.

"I'm no more financially dependent on my job than you
are yours. I've told you that my parents left me quite comfortable, in addition
to some pretty shrewd investments I've made since."

"But you love your work."

"As much as you love yours," he agreed.

Her mind whirling, she crossed her arms tightly in front of
her and spoke quietly. "You can't go with me."

He shoved his hands into his pockets, watching her.
"Why not?" he asked again, still with that infuriatingly unemotional
expression on his handsome face.

"II don't want you to," she replied, wondering if
she were telling the truth. No longer certain what she wanted.

"Tough," he answered succinctly.

That made her jaw drop. She stared at him in bewilderment.
This wasn't the Dustin she'd thought she knew. Her Dustin had always been
charming, agreeable, cooperative, despite his recent inclination to monitor her
health. He'd never used that flat, dictatorial tone with her. She hadn't even
known he could sound like that.

Before she could speak, he was directly in front of her, his
hands on her forearms as he looked down at her. "Elise, I know you're not
accustomed to sharing decisions with anyone else, or checking with someone else
before you take any action. Neither am I. It comes from being single and on our
own for so long.

"But, as I said, things have changed. For both of us.
For the next few months, at least, we're partners. If you're determined to
spend those months in Arkansas, then I'm equally determined to be there with
you. We'll both use that time to evaluate how our lives have been affected by
this pregnancy, to decide what to do about it. And, though I'm sure you are
quite capable of taking care of yourself, I can keep an eye on you, be there
for you as the delivery time gets closer. I'm doing this as much for me as for
you. I'd worry constantly if I stayed here and let you go off alone."

"You're suggesting we live together for the next five
months?" she asked slowly.

"That's exactly what I'm suggesting."

She moistened her lips, her stomach twisting with nerves.
"I don't know, Dustin. I've never lived with anyone before. Not since I
left home, anyway."

"Neither have I."

That surprised her. Tilting her head, she eyed him
curiously. "You haven't? Ever?"

"Never," he confirmed. "Didn't even have a
roommate in college."

"Well, then you should understand my concerns about
this plan of yours. Neither of us is used to living with anyone else, neither
of us is accustomed to not working for an extended period of time. We'll
probably be at each other's throats within two weeks."

"That's possible," he agreed equably, his mouth
tilting with the beginnings of a smile. "Or we may do just fine. We've
been together in almost all our spare time since we started dating and we've
never had any trouble getting along."

"That was different. We both knew we could leave, go to
our own apartments anytime we wanted to."

"True. I suppose we won't know until we've tried it for
a few weeks, will we?" "And if it doesn't work out?"

"Then we'll try something else." He released her
arm to stroke her cheek with one finger. "Don't borrow trouble, Elise. We
have too many real problems to waste time worrying about things that may not
even happen."

She'd been so determined to stay in control with Dustin, to
keep a tight rein on her emotions when she told him what she'd decided to do.
She was furious with herself when she felt her eyes burn with the threat of
tears. Forcing them back, she lowered her chin, her gaze dropping to their
feet. "I don't want to ruin your life, Dustin. My stupid mistake has
changed everything for me, but I don't want to do the same thing to you. Don't
you see it's not your fault?"

She suddenly found herself locked against his broad chest.
"Don't, honey," Dustin murmured into her ear. "Don't blame
yourself. How many times do I have to tell you that we're both responsible?
That you're not alone?"

She'd never had a man to lean on before. No father, brother
or grandfather in her childhood, no lover allowed that close during her adult
years. She could almost hear her mother's derision at the very idea that Elise
might find herself tempted to give in to her urge to allow Dustin to take charge,
to handle everything. She was so confused, so apprehensive about the coming
months. It would be so easy to docilely allow him to make those hard decisions
facing her.

She bit her lower lip, wondering if her uncharacteristic
weakness could be blamed on the hormonal changes of pregnancy. Squaring her
chin, she pushed herself out of Dustin's arms and stepped back, her own arms
crossing defensively in front of her. "All right, Dustin. If you insist on
coming with me to Arkansas, I don't suppose I can stop you. I think you're
making a mistake, but it's your life, your career. I do demand, however, that
you agree right now that the ultimate decisions about this particular problem
are mine to make, that you'll accept those decisions without argument."

She watched as he pondered her words, his face reflecting
little of his thoughts. Had his chin gotten firmer, more stubborn looking? Were
his eyes just a bit too speculative when they met hers? As if he were agreeing
with her for now only to avoid an unpleasant scene, when all along he had his
own plans.

"Whatever you say, Elise."

And then he took her in his arms again, his mouth covering
hers in a long, expressive kiss. Only then did Elise acknowledge to herself
that she'd suspected all along that Dustin would go with her to Arkansas if she insisted on going. She'd offered him a way out, but she wasn't surprised
that he'd refused to take it. Now that she was being so honest, she had to
admit to herself that the thought of leaving him behind had been tearing her apart.

She was definitely going to have to reevaluate her concept
of this man she'd thought she understood so wellas well as her feelings for
him.

 

"ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN you want to do this,
Dustin?"

Placing another heavy leather-bound volume into the sizable
pasteboard box at his feet, Dustin glanced up at the man leaning on the corner
of Dustin's desk. His former desk, he corrected himself, even as he reached for
another law book. "It's not so much what I want as what I must do,"
he replied evenly, adding that book, too, to the box.

He hadn't explained his reasons for leaving WesCo to anyone
except Nathan, and he knew that speculation was rampant in the
firmparticularly since Elise's resignation had made local headlines at the
same time.

His superiors had urged him to simply take a leave of
absence, assuring him that he had a job with WesCo anytime he wanted to return.
But he'd chosen to quit, though he told himself that it was nice to know there
was a possibility the company would rehire him when the time came. He looked
again at Nathan. "Would you have let Trisha go off alone if you'd found
yourself in this situation?"

Nathan shook his head. "You know I wouldn't have."
His point made, Dustin picked up the last remaining book on the shelf and
slipped it into the box before turning to his desk drawers. A pang of regret
rushed through him when he pulled a handful of candy bars out of the top
drawer. Jane had made sure he'd never run out of his favorite snack. He'd miss
her; she'd been the best secretary he'd ever had.

He still couldn't quite believe he was quitting this job
he'd worked so hard to obtain to move off to some lakeside cottage in Arkansas to do absolutely nothing for the next five months except wait for the birth of a
baby he'd never particularly wanted. And then he pushed regret away and
continued with his packing. His decision to go with Elise had been impulsive,
based on unquestionably illogical reasoning, but he'd never wavered in his
determination to follow through on it. Not once had he been tempted to allow
her to leave alone. If she was hell-bent on spending the next few months in Arkansas, then they'd go to Arkansas. But she would find out during that time that Dustin
wouldn't always be so agreeable to her whims, particularly when her welfare was
at issue.

"So you going to marry the girl?" Nathan inquired
casually, sliding his hands into the pockets of his tailored gray suit pants.

"We haven't discussed it. I don't think it's a good
idea to get married just because of a baby. Elise and I haven't been together
long enough to make that kind of commitment impulsively. Hell, she'd probably
run screaming in the other direction if I even suggested marriage. You know how
she feels about it."

"How you both feel about it," Nathan pointed out with
a smile. "You've turned pale just talking about it."

Dustin gave the other man what he hoped was a withering look
and dumped the remaining contents of his desk into the last empty box, catching
his gold fountain pen as it threatened to roll away and shoving it absently
into his pocket. "That's everything."

"I still can't believe you're doing this. Don't you
have any idea at all about what you're going to do after the baby's born?
Surely you've thought about it."

"I haven't thought of anything past moving to Arkansas," Dustin admitted. "For some reason I seem to have a mental block about
the future. I just can't think about it long enough to know what I plan
to do. A lot depends on Elise, of course. If she decides to keep the baby,
we'll have to discuss child support, what to do with the child while she finds
another job, that kind of thing," he finished vaguely.

"Don't forget visitation rights. You'll want to make
sure you're treated fairly, as well."

"Uhyeah."

Nathan looked at him gravely. "You hadn't even thought
about it, had you? This is your kid, man. Won't you even want to spend time
with it?"

"I don't know," Dustin admitted. "That's
another thing I can't seem to think about. I know how much you want a kid, but
then you're from a big family and you've always known you wanted children. I
was an only child, never been around kids much. To be honest, they scare the
hell out of me."

"You and ninety-nine percent of the other men who don't
have any, yet," Nathan said with a chuckle. "Don't you think I feel
the same way? But that doesn't stop me from wanting kids."

Dustin tried to imagine himself holding a baby babyand
found it easier than he'd expected to picture. He pushed the image away.
"Yeah, well, I'd better not start buying baseball gloves and teddy bears
until Elise decides what she wants to do. Chances are she won't want to keep
the baby. She has a great career ahead of her in broadcasting and that's all
she's ever wanted. She never wanted to find herself tied down to a family. I've
tried to get her to talk about the baby during the past two months, but she
changes the subject every time. Like me, she's having a hard time thinking
beyond the present."

"And you think you can stand by and watch her give your
baby away?" Nathan asked skeptically.

Dustin swallowed, staring into the closest open box.
"What else could I do? I've got my own life to think of, my own career to
try to reclaim when this is over. I couldn't raise a child alone. It would be
totally irresponsible of me to even try. If Elise decides on adoption, then the
best thing I can do is to make sure the child goes to a suitable family who'll
give it a good home."

Frowning, Nathan studied Dustin's face for a long,
thoughtful moment, and then his expression cleared. "You won't let it
go," he announced confidently. "You tend to forget how well I know
you, Dustin, my friend. Truth is, you're a marshmallow. Despite all your talk
about not liking kids, you're going to take one look at that baby and wild
horses couldn't drag you away from it. Mark my words."

Vaguely annoyed, Dustin shook his head stubbornly.
"You're wrong. I'm in this for Elise's sake. It's my responsibility to
make sure Elise is well cared for during the pregnancy and has my support in
making these hard decisions, to pay child support if necessary, but that's
it."

"Sure. And I guess you're still going to tell me that
you're not head over heels in love with the woman."

"I'm not!" Dustin returned, but even he was aware
that his voice didn't carry quite the conviction that it had in the past when
he'd refuted that particular allegation.

Nathan responded to that with a cheerfully colorful
obscenity. "I didn't believe that before and I sure as hell don't believe
it now. Only love could make you give up this job and move off to the wilderness
with a pregnant woman."

"You're a dreamer, Davis. Why don't you make yourself
useful and help me with these boxes?"

"Whatever you say, Dad." Laughing at Dustin's
muttered curse, Nathan hefted a heavy box into his arms and headed for the
door.

Viciously slapping tape on top of the box of books, Dustin
scowled as he replayed Nathan's words. Of course he wasn't in love with Elise.
He admired her intelligence, her competence, her quick wit and sharp tongue.
Her lovely body. He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anyone or anything,
so much that he thought he'd go insane sometimes. Particularly during these
past couple of weeks when the time had never seemed quite right for trying to
make love to her because of her distraction while she'd been making arrangements
to move. He'd wanted other women in the past, of course. Just not quite this
much.

But he didn't love her. Love was another one of those things
Dustin Chandler avoided so diligently. Love was much too demanding, required
too much from the ones involved.

Like a baby, he thought uncomfortably. He'd never planned on
that, either. He realized that his hands weren't quite steady as he picked up
the box he'd just sealed. His scowl deepened. Damn Nathan, anyway, for asking
questions Dustin would just as soon not answer.

 

"ELISE, STOP PACKING and listen to me. What can I say
to make you change your mind about this?" Maria pleaded, waving her
cigarette in the air. A thin cloud of smoke wafted around her designer-red hair
as she paced unhappily around the bedroom.

Elise frowned at the expensive wardrobe in her closet,
wondering what to take for a lakeside winter vacation in Arkansas. Somehow, she
didn't think she'd be needing a lot of silk and linen. "I'm not changing
my mind, Mother. I'm going to Arkansas."

"With that man."

"With Dustin," Elise agreed, pulling out a pair of
jeans.

"Put them back, Elise. Those jeans were skintight when
you bought them. You can't wear them now. It'll just depress you to have to
look at them," Ariel advised lazily from her position draped across the
pillows on Elise's bed. A week after her weddingshe and Glenn had postponed
their honeymoon until spring due to the demands of their jobsshe was glowing
with contentment, happier than Elise had ever seen her.

Elise frowned at the jeans in her hand. Ariel was right, of
course. The jeans would be totally useless. She was already out of most of her
wardrobe, though she'd been putting off actually purchasing maternity clothes.
Fortunately she was still relatively small, though she knew some women were
quite large by their fifth month. Her doctor had assured her, however, that she
was doing fine and would soon start to swell as the child continued to grow.
Her medical file was already packed into her luggage, ready to be delivered to
the doctor who would take care of her during the next four or five months.

Trying not to dwell on the mental picture of herself large
with pregnancy, she tossed the jeans onto the stack of clothing to be stored
away and picked up an oversize plaid blouse. Much more practical, she decided,
folding the garment and placing it in the case.

"Elise, we're living in the nineties. It isn't
necessary for an unmarried pregnant woman to exile herself from her home. Nor
docs she have to get married."

"Mother, I'm not going into exile and I'm not getting
married."

"Then why is that man going with you?" Maria
demanded, her contact-enhanced blue eyes glinting with annoyance at her
daughter's refusal to comply with her

suggestions. She still couldn't understand why Elise hadn't
even considered abortion, the sensible solution to the unfortunate development,
in her opinion. She certainly didn't understand why Elise felt it necessary to
quit her job and move to a godforsaken little town in Arkansas.

"Dustin is going with me because he wants to, Mother.
He feels responsible for me, I suppose."

"Totally unnecessary. I raised you to take care of
yourself. You don't need anyone feeling responsible for you."

"Try telling Dustin that," Elise muttered wryly.

"Elise, do you fancy yourself in love with this man?
Haven't I told you that love is nothing more than a pretty word for lust? It
rarely lasts, you know."

Her week-old wedding ring sparking defiantly, Ariel scowled
behind Maria's back, violently shaking her head in denial of the older woman's
philosophy. Elise looked from one to the other, no longer knowing what she
believed, too weary and confused to get into it just then. "Dustin and I
are friends, Mother. Very good friends. I care for him, just as he cares for
me. I never said we were in love with each other."

"I think it's kind of sweet that Dustin's going with
her," Ariel pronounced, propping her chin in her hands and looking hard at
Maria. "It's only fair of him to make the same sacrifices Elise is having
to make. Most men"

"Aren't worth the bullets it would take to shoot
them," Maria finished bitterly. Though she hadn't lived in celibacy during
the years since Elise's birth, Maria had chosen her lovers with care, never
once losing control of the affairs. Men, she believed, had very limited uses to
a woman of intelligence and capability.

Elise rolled her eyes expressively at Ariel and finished
packing in silence. Dustin would be arriving soon. Within a couple of hours,
they'd be headed for Hot Springs, Arkansas, the nearest town to the lakeside
home Ariel had provided for them. Elise preferred to tell herself that she and
Dustin were simply taking a long vacation together for much needed R & R in
a quiet setting.

"This is absurd!" Maria exploded, finally
admitting that nothing she could say would deter Elise from her plans.
"You're being ridiculously impulsive. You haven't given any thought to
this at all."

"Yes, I have. We may both regret it, but it seemed the
thing to do at the time."

"Maybe it's the best possible thing you could have done,"
Ariel suggested. "You and Dustin have a really good thing going. Once
you're out of the fast lane of your life-styles here in Atlanta, maybe you'll
have a chance to find out if the two of you have a chance to make your
relationship last a lifetime."

"Don't start romanticizing again, Ariel," Elise
warned, ignoring her mother's snort of disgust. "Just because you've got
your head buried in orange blossoms and old lace doesn't mean that everyone is
itching to get married."

Ariel only laughed. "We'll see," she murmured.
"More stubborn souls than you have been known to fall into the marriage
trap. Quite happily."

"I'm going to be sick," Maria announced
dramatically.

"Do it in the bathroom, will you, Mom? I've got a
cleaning deposit at stake."

"Heartless brat," Maria muttered. "Wait until
this kid of yours talks to you that way. Wait until after you've sacrificed and
struggled to raise her to make something of herself, to avoid the mistakes you
made, to live her life on her own terms only to have her announce that she's
pregnant and she's quitting her job to go live in the boonies with the
irresponsible playboy who got her in that condition."

"Please, Mother." Elise shifted uncomfortably at
the suggestion that she would have her own child to raise. As long as she
refused to think of it, it still didn't seem quite real. For now, she preferred
it that way.

Maria was still futilely trying to make Elise listen to
reason two hours later when the buzzer rang. Still ignoring her mother's
nonstop lecture, Elise looked at Ariel, nerves suddenly quivering as she asked
herself what she thought she was doing moving off to a place she'd never been
to with a man she knew too well and yet not nearly well enough.

As if sensing Elise's near panic, Ariel winked
encouragingly. "Want me to get the door?" she offered.

Elise drew a deep breath and shook her head. "No. I'll
get it. It'll be Dustin."

"Elise"

Elise raised her hands to her temples, rubbing them wearily
with her fingertips. "Mother, please. You want me to make my own decisions,
right? Well, this is my decision. It wasn't Dustin's, though he's decided to go
along with me. And it's not yours. If it's a mistake, it's my mistake."
The buzzer rang again, sounding rather impatient this time. "I have to let
him in."

"This is all you're taking?" Dustin asked a few
minutes later, after he'd greeted a smiling Ariel and a scowling Maria. He
waved a hand at the two suitcases and one pasteboard box that she had waiting
to be packed in his car. "I left the back seat empty to accommodate all
you'd take."

Elise grimaced. "There aren't many of my clothes that
will do me much good in the next few months. I'll have to buy some matsome new
ones in Arkansas." She just couldn't bring herself to say maternity
clothes.

Dustin looked at her as if he knew exactly what she was
thinkingmaybe he did, she thought resignedlybut made no comment other than,
"Okay. I'll take these down."

"I'll help you," Ariel offered quickly, grabbing
one of the suitcases. She was obviously giving Elise and Maria a few minutes
alone, though Elise had begged her to stay for the afternoon to give Elise
moral support against Maria's tirades.

There was a brief silence when the door closed behind Dustin
and Ariel, and then Maria spoke. "You're not going to change your
mind." It wasn't a question.

"No, Mother. I'm not going to change my mind."

Maria nodded her head in a gracefully regal gesture.
"All right. Then take care of yourself, will you? Let me hear from you
often."

"I will." Elise smiled at the woman who'd raised
her as best she knew how. Maria had probably made many mistakes with her
daughter, but Elise was confident that her mother loved her. Just as she deeply
loved her mother. "You can always come visit, you know."

"I'll be there when the baby comes," Maria
promised, then winced. "My grandchild. Oh, God."

"No one would suspect by looking at you that you're old
enough to be anyone's grandmother," Elise assured her, being quite candid.
Maria looked at least five years younger than her forty-seven.

"If things don't work out in Arkansas, you know that
you're welcome to come to me, don't you?"

"Yes, I know." Elise stepped close to her mother
for a quick, heartfelt hug. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"You know me. I never worry," Maria returned
brusquely, though her eyes mirrored the very emotion she'd just denied.

"I won't tell you to take care of her," she told
Dustin as he and Elise prepared to leave soon afterward. "My daughter's
quite capable of taking care of herself. But keep an eye on her, will
you?"

Elise swallowed as Dustin's face softened with a
particularly sweet smile. "I'll do that," he told Maria, that
sinfully velvety voice of his charming enough to penetrate even the most rabid
feminist's reserve. Could any woman resist him? Elise wondered, even as she
asked herself again why he was turning his back on the carefree life he'd led
to go with her into seclusion.

"You'll call me?" Ariel demanded, gripping Elise's
hands.

"Yes. And you have the number there, so you can give me
a call sometime, okay?"

"You bet." Ariel threw her arms around Elise and
hugged her tightly. "I'll miss you."

"Me, too," Elise whispered, blinking away the
tears she was determined not to shed. Quickly, before she lost the control she
was clinging so desperately to, she pulled away and turned to Dustin. "I'm
ready."

His blue eyes were warm with sympathy when he took her hand.
"Let's go, then."

"You'll take care of the rest of my things?" Elise
asked her mother as Dustin urged her toward the door. Maria had agreed to make
arrangements for Elise's personal items to be packed and stored since Elise had
given up the apartment.

"I'll take care of everything. Drive carefully,
Dustin."

"Yes, I will." Dustin showed every sign of getting
ready to bolt if Elise didn't hurry with the good-byes. Knowing he was right,
that there was no need to linger further, she turned and walked out with him.

"It'll be okay, you know," he said the moment
they'd settled into his Mercedes.

She turned to him, her eyes searching his face for any sign
of misgiving. She wished she felt as confident as he looked. "I can't
believe we're doing this," she admitted. "I still don't understand
why you're going with me."

"Neither do I," he returned with a smile.
"Must be because I'm still hot for your body."

She smiled in return, as he'd obviously meant for her to do,
though his words triggered a whole new set of worries. Would he still want her
when she was fat and ungainly? Would he grow bored and dissatisfied, leaving
her just when she'd gotten used to having him around? Would their friendship
survive the strains of living together, or would they be at each other's
throats within weeks, leaving them with hard feelings and bad memories when it
ended?

Dustin's smile faded at whatever he read on her face. He
reached over and pulled her almost roughly into his arms. "We'll get
through it, Elise. Together. I promise."

Hiding her face in his soft white sweater, she clung to him,
wondering if she could trust him to keep this particular promise. Hoping almost
desperately that she could, despite all her talk of not needing anyone to lean
on.

She suddenly found herself needing very badly to believe
that Dustin wouldn't be leaving her anytime soon. For once, her precious
independence seemed a poor substitute for having him with her.




5

 

Glancing at Elise out of the corner of his eye, Dustin noted
that she looked tired after several hours of travelingmostly in silence,
except for the radio. Chewing thoughtfully on his lower lip, he noted the name
of the small Mississippi town they were just entering, wondering what type of
motel it would have to offer. He was quite relieved to spot a billboard
advertising a familiar, consistently dependable chain motel five miles ahead.
"What do you say we spend the night here and start again in the
morning?" he suggested. "You look beat."

Elise had been slumped in her seat, head resting against the
back, but at those words she straightened abruptly. "I'm fine," she
assured him firmly. "I could go on for hours."

He managed to hide the grin that wanted so badly to escape. "Actually
I was using you for an excuse," he admitted diffidently. "I'm
exhausted. It's been a long day."

"Oh." Eyeing him rather suspiciously, she offered,
"I could drive for a while, if you like."

He shook his head, fighting ever harder against that grin.
"Nah. I can't rest in a car. Would you mind too badly if we stopped for
the night?"

"I suppose not," she grudgingly conceded. "If
you really need to," she added quickly.

He turned his chuckle into a cough, knowing better than to
give in to it. Trust his Elise to assure him she was ready to go on even when
she was all but drooping with weariness, he thought indulgently. She was a hell
of a lot like her mother. On that rather daunting thought, he quit smiling.

Parking in front of the motel office, he turned to Elise,
frowning. Under the circumstances, it was rather ludicrous that he was so
uncertain of her answer to the question he suddenly felt compelled to ask.
"Umone room or two?"

There was an awkward moment of silence while she stared at
him, eyes wide as she considered the questionand, probably, his reasons for
asking. "One room is fine with me," she answered finally, almost
shyly.

Shyness. Another first from her, he thought, smiling again
now that he had her answer. "Good. I'll go get us a room. You want to wait
here?"

She nodded. He was whistling between his teeth as he climbed
out of the car and headed for the office.

Watching him walk away, Elise relaxed back against the seat.
She was tirednot that she'd have admitted it to Dustin, she reminded herself
quickly. She had no intention of being treated as some sort of helpless invalid
for the next few months just because she was pregnant.

She told herself how foolish it was that her first impulse
had been to ask Dustin to get separate rooms. She had, after all, spent other
nights with him, and would be living with him for the next few months. She
blamed that fleeting, ignoble urge on weariness, confusion and her anxiety
about whether she was doing the right thing by leaving Atlanta this way. Now
she was glad she'd told him one room. Though he'd carefully masked his feelings
when he'd casually asked her choice, something told her she would have hurt him
by asking for a separate room. She couldn't bear the thought of hurting him.
After all, she rationalized, uncomfortable with the intensity of her feelings
for this man, he had been through a lot because of her.

Glancing toward the motel office, she saw Dustin step out
and head for the car, smiling as his eyes met hers across the dusky parking
lot. Just that distant, shared look made her heart speed up, her breath catch
in her throat. Classic symptoms of teenage infatuation, she told herself in
despair. Not that she'd ever felt anything like them as a teenageror ever
until beautiful Dustin Chandler had strolled into her life. It was no wonder
she'd felt slightly off balance ever since she'd started seeing him. Everything
was new with him. She had no past experience or training for dealing with him,
or with these giddy, mind-muddling feelings.

"We have a room," Dustin announced, sliding behind
the wheel. "Now we need food. I'm starved."

"I see a burger place just down the road," Elise
pointed out with a smile, knowing how slim the odds were of finding a gourmet
restaurant in this tiny town.

"A hamburger!" Dustin responded, grinning as if
she really had found a gourmet restaurant. "Sounds great."

Dustin had wolfed down half of his hamburger and most of his
limp fries when Elise looked up from her own cheeseburger to find his eyes
focused intensely on her. "What is it?" she asked, wondering from the
way he was looking at her if she had ketchup on her chin.

"How does it feel? Being pregnant, I mean," he
added a bit awkwardly. "We've never really talked about it. Do you feel
any different?"

She reached for her cola and downed a large swallow of it
before trying to answer. Dustin was losing no time reminding her that she could
no longer go on ignoring her condition, she thought uncomfortably. He'd
followed her rules in Atlanta, but this move to Arkansas was changing everything.
She had to think about her answer before she spoke; she'd spent so much time
pretending nothing was out of the ordinary that she hadn't given much thought
to how she really felt. "I feel a little strange," she admitted.
"I haven't been sick, thank goodness, but there have been occasional
moments of queasiness. Myumbody feels a bit different, more sensitive in some
places, heavier. I" She paused, then added reluctantly, "I get tired
more easily than usual."

Propping his elbows on the table, he leaned against them
without looking away from her. "Any uncontrollable cravings?" he
asked teasingly.

She lifted a brow in what she hoped was a rather
condescending expression. "That's just an old wives' tale," she
informed him loftily. "My doctor assures me there is no biological basis
for such cravings during pregnancy."

"Oh." He looked properly subdued. "So you
haven't had any?"

"Ice cream," she confessed with a sigh. "I
want ice cream. I've been waking up in the middle of the night and heading for
the freezer. And it was all I could do not to attack the news director last
week when he dared to eat an ice-cream bar right in front of me."

Dustin laughed delightedly. "I'll buy you all the ice
cream you want," he promised her. "As long as you eat your vegetables
first."

"And you'll find yourself living with a blimp,"
she retorted.

He only shrugged, as if her weight didn't matter at all to
him. He took another bite of his burger, swallowed, then looked at her again.
"Have you felt the baby move yet?"

She toyed with a French fry. 'Tm... not sure. There've been
these flutterings. At first I thought it was indigestion, but I've wondered if
maybe..." Her voice trailed away as she peeked at him through her lashes.

Dustin looked rather dazed. "I can't imagine how that
would feel. I don't suppose any man can imagine what it would be like to have a
living person moving around inside him."

She gulped at that, at the images his words invoked. A
living person. Her child.

"You haven'thave you had any of those tests yet?"
he asked slowly. "I mean, do you know if it's a boy or girl?"

She shook her head. "No."

He finished his dinner in silence, then nodded to the
remaining fries in front of her. "Going to finish those?"

She shook her head again. "I'm full. You want
them?"

"Yeah." He reached across the table and helped
himself. There was something rather intimate about having him finish her
dinner, she mused, watching him surreptitiously as she lifted her paper cup to
her lips and drew the remaining liquid through the straw. Eating her food was
such awell, husbandly thing to do.

"Are you okay?" Dustin asked in concern when she
coughed frantically into a paper napkin.

"I'm fine," she assured him breathlessly, having
no intention of revealing the thought that had caused her to choke on the last
sip of her drink.

"Sure?"

She nodded. "I'm sure."

Finishing the last of the fries, Dustin wiped his lips and
looked across the table. "Ready to go?"

In answer, she picked up her purse and stood. He carried the
tray and empty containers to the waste can, as custom dictated in these
bus-your-own-table fast-food places. Elise realized that this was the first
time she and Dustin had eaten in such a joint together; he'd always carefully
selected the nicest restaurants in town to treat her to on their dates. Part of
the service when one was dating the notorious Dustin Chandler, she thought
dryly. How things had changed.

Their previous awkwardness returned when they found
themselves alone in the unimaginatively decorated motel room. Rubbing his jaw,
Dustin stood in the center of the floor, glancing from her to the bathroom
door. "You can go first," he offered.

Nodding, she gathered her nightgown and cosmetic bag.
"Thanks."

Twenty minutes later, she stepped out of the bathroom, face,
body and teeth scrubbed, hair brushed, dressed in a simple cotton gown that
fell to midcalf. She didn't quite meet Dustin's eyes as she passed him.
"It's all yours."

Listening to the sound of running water from the bathroom,
she roamed restlessly around the room. She turned on the television, but turned
it off moments later when nothing interested her. She sat in an uncomfortable
vinyl-covered chair, moved to the edge of one of the two double beds, then
stood and paced to the window, peering out through the opening in the draperies
at the moderately traveled freeway. It really was stupid, she told herself
fiercely, to feel like a bride on her wedding night.

It was just that she'd never spent the night with Dustin in
a motel. The few nights she and Dustin had actually spent together had been
either at her place or his in Atlanta. They'd talked a time or two about taking
a vacation together somedaya few days in Cancun, a weekend in New York, a ski
trip to Coloradobut she'd never quite pictured spending their first night in a
roadside motel in Nowhere, Mississippi.

Lost in her own reverie, she didn't know Dustin had come
back into the room until his bare arms slipped around her waist from behind and
his deep voice murmured in her ear. "It's going to be okay, darling."

Darling. He'd never called her that before. It sounded
wonderful in his rich, southern voice. And how was it that he always seemed to
know what she was thinking? Crossing her hands over his, she leaned back into
his strength, feeling pleasantly surrounded by him. She could tell by the warm
feel of him through the thin fabric of her gown that he was wearing nothing
more than a pair of briefs. Her knees went weak. "I'm not worried,"
she managed in answer to his reassurance.

"No? Then why did you look so lost just now?"

She lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug. "Just a bit
down, I guess."

He pressed a kiss to her nape, his lips lingering moistly.
"Anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Her eyelids drifted downward as his hand slipped up to rest
just below her right breast. Her breasts began to grow heavy, to tingle with
anticipation of being cupped in his warm, strong hands. "I'm sure you can
think of something," she whispered huskily.

His chuckle was a deep, rough rumble that told her she
wasn't the only one being affected by their closeness. Nestling more firmly
against him, she found further evidence as his heavy arousal pressed into the
small of her back. His hand moved higher, resting against the bottom curve of
her breast, lifting it. She caught her breath, arching slightly. She murmured
her pleasure when he complied with the unspoken invitation and cupped the
pleasantly aching mound in his palm, his fingers kneading her gently. "Oh,
Dustin."

"Feel good?"

"Mmm."

Taking that for an affirmative, he pulled his free hand from
beneath hers to cup her other breast. Her head fell forward to give him better
access to her neck as he nipped at the top of her spine while coaxing her
nipples into hard, puckered peaks. Her arms dropped, hands going back to clutch
at his bare legs, palms stroking over the muscular, hair-roughened thighs. Soon
she needed more and she turned, her arms sliding around his neck, fingers
slipping into his shower-dampened, dark blond hair, her face lifting invitingly
to his.

His groan of approval was cut short when his mouth eagerly
covered hers. Opening her lips to his insistent tongue, Elise closed her eyes
and lost herself in his kiss, no longer aware that she was in a motel in Mississippi, that her whole life was in chaos, only that she was with Dustin. At that
moment, there was nowhere else she'd rather be.

Dustin lifted her into his arms and carried her tenderly to
the closest of the beds and, somehow, by the time he laid her down on it, her
nightgown was gone. When he joined her only a moment later, his briefs were
gone as well. He made love to her slowly, so thoroughly that there wasn't an
inch of her body that he hadn't stroked, kissed, nibbled by the time he rose
over her and thrust forward. Mindless with pleasure, Elise arched upward,
taking him deep inside her, her knees gripping his lean, driving hips. She felt
the early trembles of that familiar explosion and raced eagerly toward it,
flinging herself unreservedly into its force.

"Elise!" Dustin gasped when he felt the shudders
overtake her, pulling him more tightly into her. "Elise, darling."
And then he cried out incoherently as he followed her into the cataclysm.

Sometime during the night, Elise woke, drowsily aware that
Dustin cradled her close to his side as he slept, his hand lying warmly on her
bare stomach. Just beneath that hand, she felt the faint fluttering she'd
experienced before, the sensation she was beginning to recognize as the baby's
movements. She wondered if Dustin would feel it, too, if he were awake. She
wondered if the baby would have Dustin's eyes. Pushing that thought away, she
closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into his shoulder. Feeling oddly sheltered,
she drifted deliberately back into sleep.

 

Rather proud of themselves for finding it with a minimum of
effort, both Dustin and Elise were pleasedwith the house on Lake Catherine where they'd be staying for the next few months.

"Why, it's lovely!" Elise exclaimed, climbing out
of the car to admire the two-story glass-and-cedar cottage in its relatively
secluded, woods-enclosed setting. The trees had lost their leaves, but still
afforded privacy from the two houses just visible from where she stood, one on
either side of Ariel's property. A small inlet of the lake lapped only a few
yards away, overlooked by the wide deck that went completely around the top
floor of the house. A charming gazebo sat on the lawn between the house and the
lake. Elise could imagine sitting in that cozy shelter late one winter
afternoon, bundled against the cold, holding Dustin's hand as they watched the
sunset streak pastel arches across the silvery lake.

"It is nice, isn't it?" Dustin agreed, slipping an
arm around her shoulders as he looked around them, his fingers curling absently
into the thick, soft wool of her hand-knit white sweater. Looking more closely
at the house, he noted the faint signs of neglect, undoubtedly due to Ariel's
inability to arrange for upkeep since her father's death several months
earlier. Cocking his head in interest, he considered the possibility of taking
on those repairs himself. Granted, he was certainly no handyman, but it would
give him something to do during the next few weeks. And, besides, he thought
confidently, how hard could it be to drive a few nails and wield a paintbrush?

Glancing at the lake in response to the sound of a fish
splashing back into the water after making a leap for a tempting insect, he
decided that he might even try his hand at fishing, a sport he'd only attempted
a few times in his entire thirty-five years.

This "vacation" just might not be so bad, he
thought optimistically, his arm tightening around Elise, his body still
pleasantly sated from the night before. It just might not be bad, at all.

What in the world am I going to do with myself? Elise
wondered suddenly, staring at the beautiful surroundings and seeing nothing in
the sylvan setting to compete with the fast-paced life she'd maintained in Atlanta. True, the house was very niceespecially since she'd been expecting a primitive
cabin, despite Ariel's assurances otherwisebut what would she do all day? She
wasn't too enthusiastic about housework and, besides, there was only so much
dusting and sweeping one could do. And one could only watch the sunset once a
day.

Dustin's arm tightened around her shoulders and she glanced
up at him thoughtfully. The breeze tossed his tawny hair, added color to his
handsome face. His heather-plum sweater fit lovingly, complementing his casual
good looks. How could he appear so content? What was he planning to do during
the long days to come? Thinking fleetingly of the night before, she almost
smiled, then reminded herself that there was only so much of that one could do,
as well, particularly when one of the partners was rapidly approaching the
latter trimester of pregnancy.

The house was well furnished in a rustic theme that matched
the surroundings. Elise was rather dismayed to discover that there was only one
bedroom, the balconied loft that took up the entire top floor. Though large,
the room still seemed dominated by the huge bed

that rested against one wall. She knew she shouldn't care
about the sleeping arrangements, but there would have been some small amount of
privacy afforded by separate bedrooms. It was becoming clearer that she and
Dustin would be living together in every sense of the word. She couldn't help
wondering if their relationship would survive so much intimacy.

Dustin seemed to have no such concerns, however, as he
dumped suitcases at the foot of the bed and headed straight for the glass doors
leading out onto the balcony. "This is really nice," he approved
again, calling inside from his position against the railing. "Come out and
look, Elise. It's beautiful."

Resisting a silly impulse to cross her fingers against any
potential problem, Elise stepped through the doors and placed her hand in
Dustin's outstretched one. He smiled down at her, the waning afternoon sun
glinting off his dark gold hair and narrowing his blue eyes to a sexy squint.
She told herself that it was only her mixed-up hormones making her feel like
bursting into tears, and not her mixed-up feelings for Dustin.

"I know I didn't approve at first, but now I'm glad you
thought of this, Elise," Dustin murmured as he pulled her closer.
"Something tells me that you and I are going to be very happy here for the
next few months." He covered her mouth with his before she had a chance to
tell him how very much she hoped he was right.

 

THEY SPENT THE rest of the afternoon unpacking, exploring,
making lists of things they needed to buy. Dustin kept a sharp eye on Elise,
making sure she didn't overdo it, chiding her for trying to lift a suitcase he
deemed too heavy, coaxing her to eat the sandwich he'd made from the meager
supplies they'd purchased at a convenience store on their way to the cottage.
She reminded him twice that she was perfectly capable of taking care of
herself, but other than that, they got along just fine.

Planning to drive into Hot Springs the next morning, Monday,
to do their shopping, they agreed to call it a day after they'd eaten. Both
tired, they sat on the deep, comfortable couch and watched television, Dustin's
arm around Elise as they rested in companionable silence. When the made-for-TV
movie and the local news were over, they crawled into the huge bed upstairs.
Dustin didn't try to make love to her that night, but pulled her into his arms
and nuzzled his cheek against her hair as they closed their eyes.

Elise found herself clinging tightly to him during the
night, as if she hadn't wanted to let go for fear he wouldn't be there when she
awoke. She snuggled closer and went back to sleep, knowing he wasn't going
anywhere.

For now, at least.

 

THEY'D JUST PUT AWAY the last of the supplies they bought
the next morning when they had their first visitor. Startled by the knock on
the front door, Elise looked at Dustin before answering it. He shrugged and
motioned for her to open the door, standing close behind her as she did so.

"Hi," said the plump young woman standing on the
doorstep, a pudgy baby on her hip, two preschoolers peeking from behind her,
and a covered basket in her free hand. "I'm Karen Silaski, your neighbor.
Miss RichardsI mean, Mrs. Harpercalled to tell us you'd be renting her place
for a few months so we wouldn't report a break-in. My husband's been keeping an
eye on the place since poor Mr. Richards passed on. Anyway, I was making
brownies today for the kids and I thought y'all might like some. They're pretty
good with coffee or milk."

Rather dazed by the artlessly friendly monologue, Elise
managed a smile. "That's very thoughtful of you. I'm Elise Webber and this
is myumfriend, Dustin Chandler."

Karen grinned and nodded. Elise noted that the woman's brown
hair was in need of styling and that her clothing was of the discount-store
variety, but she seemed quite nice. Looking three or four years younger than
Elise, she didn't seem fazed that Dustin and Elise weren't married. "Nice
to meet you both. Darrellthat's my husbandhe works as a caretaker for several
of the vacation homes here on the lake. Mr. Richards did all his own repairs,
mostly, but Darrell gave him a hand sometimes. If y'all need anything, just
give us, a holler, okay?"

"Please, won't you come in?" Elise asked belatedly
when Karen handed her the basket, from which wafted a delicious smell.

"Why, thanks, I'd love to for a minute," Karen accepted
with a smile, stepping inside with her children following quietly, looking at
Dustin and Elise with wide, curious eyes. "There aren't many women close
to my age around and it's real nice to have someone right next door. By the
way" she placed a hand on the head of the oldest of the children, a shy,
green-eyed girl of about five "this is A.J., our first. Her real name's
Alma Jean, after my mama, but Darrell insists on calling her A. J. and it just
kinda stuck. And this is Darrell, Jr. We call him Bo. He's four. And the baby's
Micah. Micah's ten months old, aren't you, sugar pie?"

Not quite knowing how to respond to the introductions, Elise
smiled tentatively at the children, resisting the urge to gulp. Three?
The one she was carrying was enough to make her panic.

Having smiled at the baby, Dustin then extended his hand to
Bo, who, grinning at the grown-up gesture, pumped it enthusiastically.
"Nice to meet you, Bo ."And then he winked at A.J., who was eyeing
him suspiciously. "Hi, there, beautiful."

A.J.'s jade eyes widened, then sparkled in delight.
"Mama," she whispered loudly. "He thinks I'm beautiful!"

Karen laughed. "Well, you are, honey. Your daddy tells
you that all the time, doesn't he?" She looked back at Dustin and Elise,
obviously approving of her new neighbors. Elise eyed Dustin, wondering how a
man who professed himself to be terrified of anyone under the age of sixteen
could appear so at ease with these three. And then she remembered her manners
and urged Karen to have a seat, asking if she could get her anything to drink.

Declining, Karen took a seat on the couch, the baby on her
lap and A.J. and Bo at either side. Elise sat in a nearby chair, close to the
one Dustin settled into when everyone else was seated. "Have you and your
husband lived here long?" Elise asked to make conversation.

"Going on three years now," Karen answered.
"Darrell used to drive a truck, but then he hurt his back real bad and he
can't take the jolting around like he used to. His uncle owned the house we
live in now and he used to do maintenance work around here, but he was getting
pretty old so he moved to a retirement home in Little Rock and gave this place
to Darrell. You two from Atlanta? Is that how you know Mrs. Harper?"

Elise nodded. "I'm from Atlanta. Ariel and I have been
close friends for years."

"I'm from close to Possum Grape, originally,"
Karen confided. She grinned at Dustin. "Bet you never heard of it,
right?"

Dustin laughed. "I have to admit I haven't. It's in Arkansas?"

"Yeah. Not much more than a wide spot in the road,
really. Most folks only find it when they miss the turn-off at Bald Knob. I
like to watch people's faces when I tell 'em I'm from Possum Grape, Arkansas."

"I know the feeling," Dustin confessed. "My
dad's family was from Pigeonroost, Kentucky. I got a few funny looks in law
school when I mentioned where I spent summer vacations with my
grandparents."

Karen laughed. Elise looked at Dustin in surprise. "I
didn't know your family was from Kentucky."

"You never asked," he informed her gently.

She bit her lower lip, realizing exactly how shallow their
former relationship had been. Their conversations had all centered around the
present, their careers, their carefully cultivated yuppie pursuits, their
mutual friends. They'd talked little of their pasts, their dreams, their
families. She knew Dustin had been raised in Knoxville, Tennessee, that his
parents were dead and that he had been an only child, but that was about the
sum of what she knew about his pastother than that wicked reputation with women,
of course.

"So how long are y'all going to be staying here?"
Karen asked with the open curiosity Elise was already beginning to recognize as
characteristic.

"We're not really sure," she answered vaguely.
"Four or five months, I guess."

Karen looked as though she'd like to ask several related
questionslike what the two of them were doing to support themselves during
that timebut must have realized that further questions would have carried
friendly curiosity to the point of prying. So she changed the subject.
"There aren't many folks stay here on the lake during the winter. Most of
the homes around us are vacation homes, visited only on occasional weekends
during the winter. The house on the other side of you, though, that one's a
full-time residence. The O'Malleys live there. Poor things."

"Poor things?" Dustin prodded.

Karen sighed. "They're retired. A real nice couple,
sweet as they can be. Anyway, last spring Hankthat's Mr. O'Malleyhe was
fishing one afternoon in his little flat-bottom boat when these kids in a fancy
jet boat ran right up on him. Hank was thrown out of his boat and onto a log.
The kids stopped and pulled him out of the water, but he was hurt bad. Turned
out the kids had been showing off, being careless, but the one driving the boat
was the son of a rich, powerful businessman in Little Rock. They duped poor
Hank into signing some papers that let him have enough money to pay his
hospital bills but released the parents from any further responsibility. Now
he's got all these other health problems resulting from the accident, but he
can't do anything about it. They're just barely getting by, what with doctor
bills and medicine and all. Bo, stop making faces at your sister."

Elise had watched Karen's practiced, matter-of-fact handling
of her restless children as the young mother had chattered. She couldn't help
wondering if she'd ever be that comfortable with a squirming baby on her lap,
not to mention the other two. Dustin, it seemed, had been more interested in
what Karen was saying. "Did they have an attorney look over that
waiver?" he asked.

Karen shook her head. "I don't think so. Hank said he
didn't want to take advantage of the boy's father, but I think he should be
getting something now to help him pay these medical bills. He and Leona think
it's too late to do anything."

"Have they tried?"

Shrugging, Karen tightened her hold on the baby, who was
trying to get out of her lap to explore this new place. "They called some
personal injury lawyer who advertises on TV, but he said he didn't want to take
the case 'cause he wasn't sure he could win it since Hank had signed that
paper. Now they won't try anyone else. I feel real sorry for them."
Hefting Micah on her hip, she stood. "I'd better go. The kids don't like
to sit still for very long."

"They're very well behaved," Elise felt obligated
to remark, causing the proud mother to beam gratefully.

"Why, thank you. They are good kids, but they're only
normal. You caught 'em on an especially good day. Tell Mr. Chandler and Miss
Webber bye, kids."

"Bye," the two older children parroted obediently,
already sidling toward the door. Elise bit her lip against a smile as she noted
the shyly admiring looks A.J. kept throwing at Dustin. It seemed his lethal
charm worked on all ages.

"Guess I'll be seeing you around," Karen said as
she stepped out the front door. "Be sure and let me know if you need
anything, you hear?"

"We will. Thank you," Dustin assured her. When the
Silaski brood had gone, he closed the door and turned to Elise, only to find
her staring at him in apparent disbelief. "What?"

"I thought you said you didn't like kids," she
accused him.

He flushed. "I never said I didn't like them. Not
really. They just make me nervous. I don't know what to do with them."

"You looked pretty comfortable with Karen's kids when
she introduced them."

He shrugged. "I had to say something. We couldn't both
just stand there and look at them as if they were aliens."

Elise gave him a look that could have singed asbestos and
turned to stalk regally to the kitchen. Rubbing his jaw, Dustin reflected that
he could have worded that statement a bit more diplomatically.




6

 

"Dammit! The nail, not my thumb!" Dustin lifted
the throbbing thumb to inspect it, noting in resignation that it was beginning
to turn purple from repeated batterings.

"I can't believe you're yelling at a hammer,"
Elise's laughing voice chided from several feet below him. "You're the one
who missed the nail."

Rather sheepishly, Dustin peered over the edge of the low,
sloping roof on which he was crouched to find Elise grinning up at him, hands
on her hips. He couldn't help smiling back at her. She looked so good with her
short dark hair ruffled in a light breeze, her cheeks rosy from the chill in
the air, her body all but hidden in the folds of one of his oversize
sweatshirts over a pair of drawstring-waisted duck slacks. She'd taken to
wearing his shirts during the past few days and, though he'd made a show of
protesting, asking her if she truly believed he'd brought enough wardrobe for
both of them, he really didn't mind. He liked seeing her in his clothes. Or out
of them, he added with a mental leer. "Stop laughing at me."

"I can't help it. You're funny. This is just a crazy
guess, but you haven't had much training at being a handyman, have you,
Counselor?"

Dustin growled an unintelligible reply, scowling at the
loose shingle he'd been trying to nail down. So he hadn't had any training in
maintenance. He certainly hadn't expected it to be as difficult as it had
proven. He winced when he thought of his attempt the day before to stop a
faucet from dripping. It was now leaking a steady stream. He'd promised Elise
he'd call a plumber later. And he still hadn't gotten to the leaves clogging
the gutters. Now he remembered why he'd decided to buy a condo in Atlanta.

"Lunch is ready. Why don't you get back to that
later?" Elise called up to him.

He shot her a wary glance. "Lunch?"

'Yes." She looked smug.

He cleared his throat before asking carefully, "What
did you make?" Elise's attempts at cooking so far had been almost as
successful as his at maintenance. They'd always eaten out in Atlanta, so it had
come as a bit of a surprise to him that she was totally inept in the kitchen.
She'd always seemed so capable at everything else. And she made a great turkey
sandwich.

"It's a pasta dish. Trust me. You'll like it."

Uh-huh. She'd said the same thing about a chicken dish she'd
made two nights earlier. Or at least she said it had been chicken. Couldn't
have proved it by him. When he'd delicately asked about her previous cooking
experience, she'd confessed that she'd never learned how to cook, that Maria
had been more interested in teaching Elise how to get by in the business world
than the domestic one. Unfortunately Dustin's expertise in the kitchen
consisted of opening cans, making coffee and boiling water for tea. He and
Elise had been eating a lot of sandwiches and frozen dinners since they'd
arrived at the lake two weeks earlier.

Taking his courage in his hands, he climbed carefully down
the ladder and followed Elise into the house.

She'd made a tossed salad to precede the mysterious pasta
dish. Dustin ate that gratefully, deciding it would carry him over if the pasta
turned out to be as disastrous as the chicken had been. "Why don't you
have another helping of salad?" he suggested when Elise finished hers. He
was beginning to worry that she wasn't getting proper nutrition, despite the
prenatal vitamins he made sure she took every morning.

She rolled her eyes. "I had plenty, thank you. Ready
for your pasta?"

"Yeah."

Grinning impudently at him, she rose and reached for his
salad plate. "Try to control your enthusiasm, will you?"

He didn't answer.

A moment later, she sat a steaming bowl in front of him. He
looked down at it for a moment in silence, then couldn't resist laughing.
"The pasta is shaped like little animals," he pointed out brokenly.

Her dark eyes mirrored his laughter. "It's called
'Safari-ghetti.' I found it at Food-4-Less yesterday when I went with Karen. I
figured I couldn't go too wrong opening a can."

He took a bite, chuckling as he swallowed so that he had to
reach for his iced tea and take a gulp to wash it down. "It's pretty
awful," he commented cheerfully.

"It is, isn't it?" She sighed and stared down at
her own portion. "Karen said her kids love it."

"This I believe. It tastes like something a kid would
love."

"I'm pretty much a washout at domestic work, aren't
I?" she asked almost wistfully, pulling her lower lip between her teeth.

"No more than I am at being a handyman," he
answered gently, reaching across the table to take her hand. "I'll help
you make dinner tonight out of that Sunday school class cookbook Karen sold
you. She said the recipes were all easy and practical, donated by ladies of her
church. Between the two of us college graduates, surely we can figure out a
recipe or two."

Elise's fingers tightened in his. "Surely we can,"
she agreed, smiling at him.

The past two weeks had been surprisingly pleasant, Dustin
thought, basking for a moment in the warmth of her smile. He and Elise had
gotten along amazingly well. They'd talked for hours, catching up on the
childhood stories they'd somehow never gotten around to swapping before,
learning more about each other. So far they hadn't even quarreledrather
surprising considering they'd been together every moment, except for the two
hours Elise had spent shopping with Karen the day before. Oddly enough, he'd
found himself missing her during that two hours.

Thus far, they'd both treated their time at the lake house
as a much-needed vacation. Elise had seemed to enjoy watching the birds and
squirrels playing in the winter-nude trees and catching up on the reading she
hadn't found time for in so long. She'd also taken naps every afternoon, rather
reluctantly at first, but then more naturally. Already her face was beginning
to look less drawn, her eyes losing the signs of strain that had been getting
more noticeable every day in Atlanta. And Dustin, too, was enjoying the time
off, reading, taking walks along the lake, bungling do-it-yourself projects. He
couldn't help wondering when the novelty would wear off, for both of them.

"Did you ask Karen to recommend an obstetrician?"
he asked, releasing her hand as he forced himself to eat the rest of his lunch.

Toying with her own meal, Elise nodded. "Yes. She suggested
her own in Hot Springs. She said he delivered Micah and she's very impressed
with him."

"Him?"

"She didn't personally know any women in the field,
though she said there are several in the area."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I think I'll call Karen's doctor, Dr. Freeman. I'd be
more comfortable going to someone who's been recommended so highly."

Dustin knew Elise had grown quite fond of their neighbor,
despite Karen's unapologetic lack of higher education or sophistication or
career ambitionthings that made her budding friendship with Elise seem
improbable, on the surface. There had been a time when Dustin would have been
surprised that Elise found common ground with someone so outwardly different
from herself; that had been before he'd grown to know her quite so well.

He'd learned that Elise's apparent preoccupation with upward
mobility and material possessions in Atlanta had been part of the facade she so
carefully cultivated. Part of the image that had been expected from her, first
by her mother, later by her friends and associates. There was more to Elise
Webber than many people would have suspectedjust as he was beginning to think
there was more to Dustin Chandler than even he had once believed. This time in Arkansas was proving to be a time of self-discovery, perhaps for both of them.

"What did Karen say when you told her you were
pregnant?"

Elise shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes. "She
thought it was wonderfuland then confessed that she'd already guessed. She
knows the signs pretty well, I suppose. She's crazy about kidsbut I guess you
already knew that, since she has three."

"I suspected it." This time it was Dustin who
couldn't quite look at her as he asked, "Did you tell her that you're
considering adoption?"

"No." Elise's voice sounded strained. "I...
didn't think she'd understand. Not until she knows me a little better,
anyway." She pushed her bowl away abruptly. "You want dessert?
There's still some of that ice cream you insisted on buying the other
night."

Uncomfortable, himself, with the direction their
conversation had taken, Dustin willingly allowed her to change it as he rose to
his feet. "I bought that for you."

"So you said," she answered lightly. "And
then you ate a huge bowl of it that very night. Want some now?"

"No, thanks. I'd better get back to the roof. Unless
you want me to help you clean up the kitchen first."

She shook her head. "I'll take care of it. You said you
wanted to get that roof fixed before it starts to rain tonight, if the
weatherman's prediction was correct."

"Right. Thanks for lunch, Elise. Theumthe salad was
great."

She managed a weak smile. "Be careful on the roof. And
don't yell at that poor hammer anymore."

"What about my poor thumb?" Dustin asked with
exaggerated affront, holding up the bruised digit.

Stepping close to him, she took his hand in hers and pressed
a kiss to his thumb, lingering over the little ritual. "There," she
murmured, smiling seductively up at him. "Is that better?"

He swallowed hard. "I could get to the roof
later," he suggested huskily.

She laughed and stepped back. "You'd better get to it
now. It's starting to get cloudy. And we can always think of something else to
do when the rain starts," she added with a suggestive wink.

Dustin was already thinking of several things they could do,
but he made himself stop thinking along those lines as he walked back outside,
telling himself that if his jeans got any tighter he wouldn't be able to climb
the ladder. There were quite a few advantages to living with Elise Webber, he
thought with a rather complacent smile.

Elise dumped the remains of the canned pasta into the
garbage disposal and rinsed out the pan, thinking of how easily Dustin seemed
to be adapting to their situation. He'd accepted her pitiful attempts at
cooking with the same equanimity that he'd accepted her news that she was
pregnant, making the best of it with a smile and offers to help.

It was all too easy, she thought with a shiver of dread that
came from being a natural cynic. Two people who'd been on their own for so long
shouldn't adapt this easily to living together. Shouldn't there be some
tension, conflicts, major compromises? But there hadn't been. They slept
together, dressed together, passed the hours together as if they'd been living
with each other for years. There'd been no hogging of closet space, bathroom
time or bedcovers, no arguments over television programs or sections of the
newspaper. Shouldn't there have been? Wouldn't that have been more normal?

Dustin conscientiously picked up after himself so that she
was doing no more housework than she had when living alone. Less, actually,
since he insisted on running the vacuum cleaner and carrying anything that
weighed over a couple of pounds so that she wouldn't "overdo it," as
he said. He never expected her to wait on him, actually seemed to prefer it the
other way around, with him catering to her every wish. The only reason she was
doing all the cooking was that she'd volunteered, since he was doing the more
difficult and physically demanding maintenance work. She was rapidly becoming
spoiled.

Something was bound to go wrong sooner or later.

She was suddenly depressednot so unusual with the way her
moods tended to swing these days, but this time she didn't blame the depression
on hormones. Her hand on her swelling stomach, she stared fixedly at nothing,
wondering desperately what the days ahead held for them. Wondering why she
seemed totally incapable of making the vital decisions that she had to make,
and soon.

 

"Ouch! Dammit!" Dustin cradled his abused thumb in
his other hand, glaring at the mangled shingle in front of him and coming to
the conclusion that he was going to hire a handyman for everything else that
needed to be done.

"Need some help?"

Looking down, Dustin found a stocky-built, sandy-haired man
who appeared to be in his early thirties grinning up at him, his blue eyes
narrowed against the sun. "You know anything about shingles?" he
asked him, too desperate to be embarrassed.

"I know a bit," the man replied.

"Then, yeah, I need help."

Chuckling, the other man climbed the ladder. "I'm
Darrell Silaski, by the way."

The handyman. "I can't tell you how nice it is to meet
you. I'm Dustin Chandler. And I'm lousy at this."

"Aw, you're doing all right," Darrell answered
generously. "The roof's looking a lot better than it was."

"Yeah, but look at my thumb."

Darrell looked, then winced. "Ouch."

Dustin smiled ruefully and nodded. "That's what I said.
Among other things."

Laughing, Darrell reached for the hammer. "I've said a
few of those other things myself often enough."

"I found these extra shingles in a storeroom, but I'm
having a hell of a time getting them on."

"Let me give you some pointers. For one thing, you need
to hold the hammer like this, with your thumb here. Got more control over it
that way, see?"

Dustin cocked his head in interest. "That makes sense.

Slanting him an assessing glance, Darrell grabbed a handful
of nails. "Karen says you're a lawyer. Guess they don't have many shop
classes at law school."

"I'm beginning to think it should have been a required
course," Dustin admitted with a grimace.

"Maybe. Were you planning to do those gutters next? I
could give you a hand."

"I'd appreciate it. How are you at plumbing?"

"Pretty good."

"Karen told us you work on some of the places around
the lake. If you have time, I'd be more than happy to pay you for doing some of
the repairs around here."

"I got time. And you got a deal." Darrell gave him
another of those good-natured grins. "You might want to hang around.
Wouldn't hurt even a lawyer to learn how to do some of this stuff for
himself."

"You're right," Dustin agreed without offense.
"It wouldn't. Let me try that hammer again."

An hour and a half later, Dustin wiped his mouth with his
sleeve after finishing a can of beer Darrell had provided from an ice chest in
the back of his battered pickup. The roof had been fixed and the neglected
gutter cleaned and repaired. Dustin was filthy and sweaty, despite the chill in
the mid-November air, but he eyed the repairs with satisfaction, feeling as if
he'd actually accomplished something, thanks to Darrell.

He liked Karen's husband, a laconic, dry-humored ex-trucker
with a seemingly endless supply of off-color jokes and an unapologetic devotion
to his wife and children. Every time Darrell mentioned his wife's name, his gravelly
voice softened and his sun-leathered face creased with a proud smilejust as it
did when he talked about his kids. Dustin couldn't help noting those changes,
wondering how it would feel to be that secure in a relationship, that content
with the joys and responsibilities of parenthood. He wondered if he would ever
know those feelings himself.

Elise spoke from behind him; he turned to find her walking
toward him, smiling, still a bit rumpled from her nap, and his heart tripped.
Maybe he could understand Darrell's feelings, he thought dazedly, then
brought himself up short. No need to get carried away, he reminded himself
soberly. Elise had no intention of playing wife-and-mommy to his
husband-and-daddy, even if Dustin should decide that was what he wanted. And
he'd agreed to leave the decisions up to Elise.

Wondering if he'd been a fool, he slipped an arm around
Elise's shoulders and introduced her to Darrell. "He's taking me fishing
tomorrow morning," he added. "Want to go with us?"

Elise laughed and shook her head. "I think I'll pass,
thank you. Maybe I'll go visit with Karen while you two are out testing the
superiority of man over fish."

"You ought to do that," Darrell agreed.
"She'll be taking the kids to Sunday school in the morning, but why don't
y'all plan to have lunch with us? She'd love it. Karen's really enjoyed having
you here. She doesn't know a lot of people her own age and she doesn't get out
a lot since she's got the kids to take care of."

Dustin wondered how Elise would react to that statement.
Would she see it as further proof that their baby would only interfere with her
life, hold her back from attaining the goals she'd set for herself? Would she
be right? At this point, he no longer even knew how he felt about the baby,
about the possibility of that baby becoming a permanent part of his life. Like
Elise, he'd been trying not to think about it too much. Perhaps he was afraid
of the conclusions he might come to if he really gave it some thought.

 

THEIR JOINT EFFORT toward dinner produced two beautifully
broiled steaks, two perfectly baked potatoes and a dish of slightly overcooked
broccoli. Neither complained. In fact, they both had seconds of the broccoli.

They'd eaten dinner earlyboth being hungry after their
light lunchand finished in time for the news. The satellite dish in the
backyard provided them with a variety of television channels, national and
cable news programs, but Dustin had noted that Elise seemed to prefer Little Rock newscasts, often making comments on the production, the different reporting
styles, the amount of time given to coverage of the lead stories, even the
sets.

"You seem to enjoy local newscasts," Dustin
commented, watching her as she watched the television.

Elise shrugged. "Sure. That's what I do."

"But I thought your big ambition was to make it to a
national news spot."

"Of course it is," she replied just a bit too
quickly. "It's what I've always wanted. My mother and I have talked about
it for years."

Whose idea had it been originally? Dustin wondered. Was it
Elise's dream or Maria's? "Have you taken any steps toward going national?
Sent in tapes, made contacts, anything like that?"

She murmured something unintelligible, her eyes still
apparently glued to the screen as a pretty blonde reported on a notorious mass
murderer who'd had an execution date set for the sixth time in four years.

"Have you given any further thought to what you're
going to do about the baby?" he couldn't help asking, though he knew he
was pushing. "Are you still afraid it would interfere with your pursuit of
your career? If you're going toto give it up" he didn't know why he'd
had such a hard time saying the words "shouldn't you be doing something
about it? Making legal arrangements, talking to?"

"Dustin!" Elise scrambled to her feet, her eyes
wide with what he could almost imagine was near panic. "I don't want to
talk about this tonight. I told you I'd be thinking about my options and I'll
let you know when I come to a decision."

"But shouldn't we discuss the options together?
Wouldn't it help to talk out the pros and cons?"

"No." She was already inching her way to the door.
"No, it wouldn't. Excuse me, II have to go to the bathroom." And she
turned and all but bolted from the room, leaving Dustin staring after her in
bewildered exasperation. Why wouldn't she talk to him?

And what did he want her to say?

 

Elise was relieved when Dustin and Darrell started out early
Sunday morning for their fishing excursion. Things had been rather awkward
between her and Dustin ever since he'd started grilling her about the baby the
night before. She couldn't imagine why he'd suddenly turned on her that way,
but she resented his doing so. Hadn't she told him the decisions would be hers
to make? Maybe he'd only been trying to help, but he'd pushed, and she couldn't
bear to be pushed just now.

She'd known everything couldn't remain so easy.

"Have you called Dr. Freeman yet?" Karen asked
later as she bustled around the kitchen finishing lunch preparations while
Elise sat at the table watching, as Karen had instructed. The men hadn't gotten
back from their fishing outing yet, but they expected them at anytime.

Elise nodded. "I have an appointment for Tuesday. I was
surprised they were able to work me in so quickly. I only called the day before
yesterday."

"I hope you like him. I think you will."

"From the way you've talked about him, I'm sure you're
right."

"Let me get you another cup of coffee," Karen
offered when she noticed that Elise had drained her cup. "It's okay, it's
decaf."

"Thank you. It's very good."

"Sure you don't want one of these cheese puffs I made
for appetizers? No reason to save them all for those bozos to wolf down when
they get back from fishing."

Elise held out for all of two seconds. "All right. Just
one." She'd always been so careful to watch her weight, but there didn't
seem much point when she was blowing up like an inflatable swimming pool toy.
And those cheese puffs smelled heavenly. She closed her eyes in bliss when she
tasted one. It tasted even better than it smelled. "These are wonderful,
Karen. How did you ever learn to cook so well?"

Karen smiled. "I've got five younger brothers and two
younger sisters. My mama needed a lot of help in the kitchenand everywhere
else, for that matter."

Gulping, Elise shook her head. "Eight children!
Wow."

Karen nodded. "My youngest sister is only ten. I
already have eleven nieces and nephews. You should see us trying to come up
with Christmas presents! We finally started drawing namesadults in one
drawing,

kids in another, so we only buy one gift per family
member."

Elise thought of all the Christmases she'd spent alone with
her motherone of the few days each year Maria had deliberately kept free to
spend with her daughter. Even then, Elise had never felt quite as if she had
her mother's full attention. She'd always wondered if Maria was eager for the
holidays to be over so that she could hurry back to her beloved office.
Imagining the Christmases at Karen's family home, she couldn't help the
slightest feeling of envy, though she immediately suppressed it. How could she,
a woman with all the social and material advantages Maria had provided her,
possibly envy an unsophisticated, not particularly well-educated housewife
who'd grown up with very few luxuries in Possum Grape, Arkansas?

"Have you and Dustin thought of any names for the baby
yet?" Karen asked idly as she slid into a chair across the table from
Elise, lunch preparations complete.

Elise choked down a bit of cheese puff that had suddenly
grown enormous. "Weumwe haven't talked about it yet," she answered,
reaching for her coffee.

"It's hard to decide, isn't it? What are you hoping
for, a boy or a girl? I bet Dustin wants a boy, right? Darrell wanted our first
to be a boy, though he wouldn't trade A.J. for anything now."

"We haven't talked about that, either," Elise
admitted. At Karen's rather questioning look, she sighed and explained.
"This baby was an accident, Karen. Dustin and I weren't prepared forwe
really hadn't been together very long and we hadn't discussed..." Her voice
trailed off. How could she describe the relationship she and Dustin had
been involved in before? All of a sudden, it sounded terribly shallow and
unsatisfying, even to her. She could only imagine how it would sound to someone
like Karen.

"Oh." Karen's pleasant face grew solemn. "I'm
sorry. It must have been quite a shock for you."

"Yes. Yes, it was."

"I understand, you know," Karen said gently.
"Darrell and I had to get married ourselves. A.J. came six months after
our wedding."

Elise was startled. "Oh, I didn't realize"

"Yeah. We'd been dating about a year, but we hadn't
started talking about marriage yet when I got pregnant. Of course as soon as we
found out, Darrell offered to marry mehe's like that. I didn't really know
what else to do. I was nineteen, still living at home, working part-time at a
job that wouldn't have supported me completely, not to mention me and a baby. I
was crazy about Darrell even then, but I was pretty scared, afraid it wouldn't
work out, that he and I didn't know each other well enough to get
married."

"But the two of you seem so happy."

Karen beamed. "We are. Darrell's been a good husband to
me. I've never regretted marrying him or having A.J. Maybe all those big dreams
I had as a kid won't ever come true, but what I've found with Darrell has made
up for it. I wouldn't trade places with anyone."

"What big dreams did you have, Karen?" Elise asked
curiously, wondering how drastically her plans had been changed by her own
unexpected pregnancy.

Karen shrugged. "Nothing specific. I wanted to get away
from home, even though I was happy there, be something on my own. Travel,
maybe, see someplace

besides Arkansas." She smiled ruefully and shook her
head. "Wouldn't of ever happened, anyway. They were just dreams. If I
hadn't gotten pregnant then, I still would've married Darrell, eventually. He
tells me he'd already started thinking about asking me. And if he hadn't, I'd
be working at a dead-end job somewhere, maybe married to someone else. Now you
can still have your baby and go on to be that network broadcaster you want to
be. You've got the drive and the education and the experience. You're older and
smarter than I was. I've got faith in you, Elise."

Elise shook her head. "I may be older, but not smarter.
I still ended up making the same mistake you made when you were just a
teenager. And I don't think I'm handling it nearly as well as you seem to have
done. I'mwell, I'm terrified."

Karen laughed softly and patted Elise's shoulder. "It's
okay to be scared. Every woman's scared the first time. You think of all the
responsibility and all the things that can go wrong and you wonder if you're
grown-up enough to be all you've got to be. Sometimes I still feel like a
mixed-up kid myself and yet I've got three children who expect me to know
everything, to make everything right."

As if in confirmation of her words, Bo rushed into the
kitchen, crying loudly, followed by A.J., who explained the boy had fallen and
bumped his head on a chair while playing with his sister in the living room.
Elise watched pensively as Karen skillfully dealt with the minor crisis,
kissing Bo's head to "make it better," then sending the children to
play, each clutching a cheese puff. Karen made it look so easy. But what if Bo
had been seriously injured? Would Karen have known what to do? Elise certainly
didn't.

Karen looked at Elise and smiled when the children were
gone. "I'm sure you don't want to dwell on your worries right now, so
we'll change the subject. But if you ever need to talk, I've been told I'm a
good listener."

Elise had no doubt of that. Karen's friendly hazel eyes were
just the type to inspire confidences, her manner that of a person who could
listen and advise without judging. "Thanks, Karen. I'll keep that in
mind."

A burst of noise from the back porch, the thudding of four
booted feet announced the return of the fisherman. Moments later, Darrell's
voice boomed out, "Hey, baby. Your lean, mean love machine is home."

Karen rolled her eyes and giggled. "Ah, shoot. I was
kinda hoping for Tom Cruise."

Darrell came in with a mock scowl, followed by a grinning
Dustin. "That wimp? I could take him with my big toe."

"Just don't use the one that holds all your
brains," Karen retorted sassily, her loving smile belying her teasing
put-downs.

"Cute. Real cute." Darrell bent to kiss his wife
noisily, then straightened. "Any more of that coffee?"

"You bet. Pour yourself a cup while I go see if Micah's
awake from his nap yet. Want some, Dustin?"

"Thanks. I'd love some." Dustin spoke from close
behind Elise's chair. His hand fell warmly on her shoulder.

She looked up at him and something about the way he was
looking back at her made her turn her eyes quickly away. Her gaze accidentally
collided with Karen's, who was watching them speculatively as she headed for
the kitchen door. Chewing on her lower lip, Elise concentrated on finishing her
coffee. She was rather quiet during lunch while the two men entertained them
with exaggerated fishing tales.

When Dustin's hand fell on Elise's thigh beneath the table,
she smiled sideways at him, her heart twisting with the warm intimacy of the
gesture. If only things could always seem so simple, she thought wistfully,
knowing that this was merely a pleasant interlude preceding those very
difficult decisions still looming ahead of her.




7

 

"Hey, BABY. Your lean, mean love machine's here,"
Dustin teased Elise, coming into the kitchen as she finished making their
dinner Monday evening. He slipped his arms around her waist from behind,
nibbling at the back of her neck.

"Somehow that sounds different coming from you than it
did from Darrell," she mused, smiling. She deftly slipped out of his hands
and set the bowl of spaghetti on the table, noting with pleasure that the sauce
recipe Karen had given her, though quite simple to make, smelled wonderful. Another
salad accompanied the meal, along with warmed garlic bread that filled the
kitchen with a delicious aroma. Perhaps she could conquer this cooking thing,
after all, she thought in satisfaction. And then her smile faded as she
fleetingly thought of Maria's reaction to Elise's pride in such a relatively
unimportant accomplishment. Maria would think she'd lost her mind, been
brainwashed by spending too many idle hours and too much time with Karen, the
Happy Homemaker.

Deliberately pushing her mother out of her mind, Elise sat
down, motioning for Dustin to do the same. "Everything's ready. Help
yourself."

"Looks good."

"Better than the last pasta dish I made?" she
asked with a smile.

He chuckled and filled his plate. They said little while
they ate, though Dustin complimented her lavishly on the meal, promising that
he'd cook dinner the next eveningand adding that he just might surprise her
with something delicious. They'd finished eating when Dustin asked,
"When's your doctor appointment?"

"Tomorrow afternoon at two," she answered.
"Why?"

"I'd like to go with you."

She blinked in surprise. "Why?" she repeated.

Avoiding her eyes by carrying his dishes to rinse them at
the sink, Dustin cleared his throat before answering. "1 just thought it
would be interesting. Darrell and I were talking about it yesterday and he said
he went with Karen at least once a month. Dr. Freeman encourages both parents
to be involved in the prenatal care."

"But Dustin"

"I know you've been doing this sort of thing alone for
the past few months, since you found out about the baby. I would have gone with
you in Atlanta, but I didn't think you'd want me to because of the possible
gossip. But no one knows us here, so we'd just be another couple expecting a
baby."

"Not quite," Elise answered quietly. "We're
not exactly the usual expectant parents. We don't even know whether we're
keeping this baby or not."

"Would it" He cleared his throat again, more
noisily this time, then shot her a quick, sideways glance. "Would it
really be so bad if we did?"

"I wish I knew," she whispered, her own throat
feeling very tight. "For our sake and the baby's."

He turned to face her fully, leaning back against the sink.
"Couldn't we talk about it? Share some ideas?"

Elise lifted her hands to her temples, rubbing against the
headache suddenly throbbing there. "Not yet, Dustin. I'm just not
ready."

Exhaling gustily, he shoved his rinsed dishes into the
dishwasher and slammed the door. "I never thought you'd be such a coward
about facing a difficult decision, Elise."

"Well, neither did I," she snapped, her hands
falling heavily to her lap. "But I've never had this kind of decision to
make before. Maybe I'm not quite as strong and resourceful as everyone seems to
think I am."

"Or maybe you're just too damned scared to admit what
you really want," Dustin countered immediately, his hands on his hips.
"Maybe you're beginning to realize that your mother's plans for you aren't
what you want for yourself."

Stung by his implication that she had allowed herself to be
manipulated by her mother, Elise shoved herself to her feet, glaring at him.
"And maybe you're spending too much time with Darrell and Karen. If you're
starting to fancy the idea of having 'the little woman' waiting for youand
waiting on youwhen you come home from a hard day at the office, forget it!
Karen's very sweet, but I'm not like her. I couldn't be."

"I would never ask you to be," he told her with
quiet precision, still watching her with those narrowed blue eyes. "I've
never wanted a 'little woman' taking care of me. If I had, I wouldn't have
stayed single for thirty-five years. I'm just saying that it's possible we can
have it all, if it's what we both decide we want. Career, baby, everything.
But, dammit, how can we know what we're going to do when you refuse to even
discuss it?"

"I'll know," she assured him flatly, hoping
she was right even as she said the words with seeming certainty. "When the
time is right, I'll know what to do."

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing even more, his chin
taking on a stubborn cast. "I'm getting tired of you reminding me that
you're the one making all the decisions. You seem to forget that this is my
baby, too."

"You promised," she breathed, her hands clenching
in a sudden show of nerves. "You promised you'd leave the decisions to me
if I agreed to allow you to come to Arkansas with me."

"I'm beginning to think I made a mistake."

"Well, so am I!" she shot back. And then she
whirled and fled, calling herself a coward even as she ran, but knowing she'd
had all of that particular conversation she could deal with just then.

Closing herself in the bedroom, she dropped to the side of
the bed and massaged her pounding temples, desperately afraid that the trouble
she'd dreaded with Dustin had already begun... and wouldn't be settled without
a great deal of pain for both of them.



Staring grimly at the doorway through which Elise had
vanished, Dustin stood immobile for several minutes and then slammed his right
fist into the palm of his left hand. "Damn."

He'd pushed too hard, too soon. Elise was still too
frightened, too vulnerable to have come to terms with her pregnancy, to make
the decisions Dustin was be-coming so impatient for her to make. Though not
exactly certain what he wanted himself, he still suspected that he and Elise were
beginning to want quite different things for their future.

Maybe spending time with Darrell had started him
thinking about things he'd always avoided thinking about before. Or maybe it
had started even before that, when he'd served as best man for Nathan's wedding
to Trisha, and then watched as Nathan happily settled into the routine of
marriage. Surprisingly enough, he'd begun to wonder if it would be so bad to be
married to Elise, to know that his future included her, that they'd be with
each other through whatever the years might hold for them.

He'd been living with her for over two weeks and, though he
admitted that wasn't long enough to really know if they could make it work for
a lifetime, he'd already begun to wonder how he could ever live without her. He
still didn't know about loveit just wasn't something he'd had enough
experience with to recognizebut he knew that he felt things for Elise that
he'd felt for no woman before her. And those feelings weren't going away
anytime soon. That was something else he'd begun to realize during the past few
daysmaybe even the past seven months, since he and Elise had started dating
and he'd lost interest in any other woman.

She'd seemed content enough with him so far, but was boredom
already setting in? He dreaded the time when she acknowledged that she needed
more challenge in her days than trying to conquer a cookbook. He knew her too
well to expect her to be happy for long away from her career. Would her boredom
drive her back to Atlanta even before the baby's birth? Some gloomy instinct
told him that the end of their stay in Arkansas would also mark the end of
their relationship unless they worked things out before her return.

He reasoned that, once she was back with her mother and her
friends in Atlanta, she'd no longer have need of Dustin's company or support.
And he knew exactly the type of influence her mother would exert on her.

To make matters more complicated, there was the baby to
consider. He still broke into a cold sweat every time he thought of being
responsible for the health and emotional well-being of a helpless child. He was
becoming convinced that he wanted Elise in his life on a permanent basis, but
could he really see them raising a child together? It wasn't as if they had
several years to get used to the idea. Their baby was due in less than four
months.

Damn. If only he could keep from driving her away until she
had time to think about what she really wanted from their future. Until they
both had time to think. If only he could curb his own impatience to have
everything settled so he'd know where he stood.

He wondered if he'd have the strength to graciously accept
the decision she would eventually make.

Somehow, he had to.

 

ELISE LOOKED UP when Dustin entered the bedroom over an hour
after she'd stormed from the kitchen.

"Dustin, I'm"

But he'd already started to speak. "Elise, I'm"
They both stopped, staring at each other. Dustin gestured for her to continue.
Rising from the edge of the bed, Elise shook her head as she twisted her hands
in front of her. "You first."

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I pushed you. I
didn't mean to upset you that way."

Now it was her turn. Hanging her head, she murmured,
"I'm sorry I overreacted. It's only natural that you'd want to know what
I'm planning to do. I know that I've been selfish to shut you out when you are
as deeply involved as I am. You have the right to be involved in the decision
making, at least to discuss the options with me."

His eyes lit up. "You mean that?"

She nodded firmly. "Yes." It was a realization
she'd come to during the past hour. She'd been so self-centered during the past
few weeks, and Dustin had been so very giving, so unselfish. She owed him more
consideration than she'd given him thus far. "If you still want to go to the
doctor with me, you're welcome to do so."

"I want to go," he agreed without hesitation.

She nodded again. "All right."

He smiled. "Thank you, Elise."

She almost moaned. How could his smile still affect her this
way after so many months together? Would there ever come a time when he could
throw her that full, sexy smile and not turn her knees to oatmeal? Somehow she
doubted that would ever happen. "You're welcome," she said, and her
voice was husky.

His smile faded. The look that came into his vivid blue eyes
was one she recognized and responded to instantly. He stepped closer, holding
her gaze captive with his. Stopping only inches away from her, he lifted one
hand to cup her cheek. "Let's not talk about doubts and decisions tonight,
Elise. Tonight, let's just enjoy being alone together, shall we?"

She turned her head to press a kiss into his palm. "I
like that idea."

He pulled her slowly into his arms and lowered his mouth to
hers. "On that we're in complete agreement," he murmured against her
lips. And then he kissed her deeply.

Wrapping her arms around him, Elise surrendered herself to
the enchantment that was Dustin, deliberately blocking out thoughts of the
future.

Sometime in the night, climbing back into the bed after one
of her increasingly more frequent trips to the bathroom, she looked at Dustin
sleeping soundly beside her. Turning onto her side facing him, she peered
through the nighttime shadows to study his face, so relaxed and peaceful.
There'd been something new in his lovemaking, she mused, though she couldn't
have defined what the difference had been. Holding back his own pleasure, he'd
driven her again and again to the edge of fulfillment, relentlessly pushing her
over until she was limp and quivering from exhaustion. Only then had he given
in to his own needs, shuddering in a climax made violent from sternly enforced
delay. What had he been trying to prove? Why had he felt the need to hear her
crying out his name, over and over as she'd trembled in ecstasy?

Would she ever completely understand him? She didn't think
she'd ever grow tired of trying.

 

THE PRETTY, PETITE blond nurse smiled warmly as she motioned
for Elise and Dustin to precede her into the examining room. Elise had already
filled out a seemingly endless questionnaire, which Dustin had studied
curiously over her shoulder. Now she was instructed to step onto the scales
and, again, Dustin hovered close by. He grinned at her when she wrinkled her
nose at him as the nurse read her weight aloud. "You've only gained a few
pounds over your prepregnancy weight," the nurse commented, scanning the
figures Elise had cited on the questionnaire as she made note of the current
weight.

"Is that bad?" Dustin demanded immediately,
looking concerned. "Is anything wrong?"

The nurse smiled and shook her head. "Women gain at
different rates during pregnancy," she assured him. "Your wife is
well within the normal ranges for a woman at almost six months of
pregnancy."

Obviously the nurse hadn't noticed that Elise had checked
the Single box under the question of marital status. Neither Elise nor Dustin
bothered to correct her just then. Unaware of her error, the nurse handed Elise
a paper cup. "I'm sure you know what to do with this. The bathroom is
right through this door," she told her. "Just leave your specimen in
there. You'll need to undress from the waist down and wrap yourself in one of
the sheets lying on the counter. Then have a seat on the examining table. I'll
be right back to take your blood pressure."

The full-size white sheet clutched awkwardly around her,
Elise returned to the examining room a few minutes later, her cheeks a bit pink
as she thought, not for the first time since adolescence, that modesty and
dignity had no place in a doctor's office. Dustin rose immediately from the
small plastic chair in one corner of the room, helping her to climb onto the
end of the examining table. She noted that he'd been reading pamphlets on
prenatal care as he'd waited for her. She started to say something to him, but
the nurse was already bustling back into the room, blood-pressure cuff in hand.
"Just have a seat, Mr. Webber," she ordered Dustin with a gentle
smile. "Dr. Freeman will be here in a few minutes to answer your
questions."

"Chandler," Dustin corrected her, following her
instructions and returning to his seat. "My name is Chandler."

Frowning, the nurse checked the chart. "Oh, I'm sorry.
I just assumed"

"Do you want me to roll my sleeve up?" Elise asked
quickly, changing the subject as she held out her arm, clad in her oversize
plaid shirt that was growing snug. She was going to have to purchase maternity
clothing soon.

Taking the hint, the nurse took her blood pressure, assuring
them that it was fine. And then Dr. Freeman joined them. He was tall, lanky and
graying, and when he smiled and greeted her, Elise knew immediately why Karen
was so fond of the doctor. She introduced herself and then added, "And
this is Dustin Chandler, theumthe father."

Dr. Freeman nodded at Dustin and encouraged him to speak up
if he had any questions. And then he turned back to Elise. "Normally I
wouldn't do a pelvic at this point, but since this is your first visit to me,
I'd like to do a full examination," he explained. "It's up to you
whether you'd like Mr. Chandler to stay or wait outside for this part."

Elise shrugged. Why should she be embarrassed by having
Dustin stay? Dr. Freeman was the stranger who was about to become intimately
acquainted with her body. The medical profession had some very strange ideas
about propriety, she thought with a mental sigh, lying on the table as Dr.
Freeman directed her. She winced when he probed and prodded her stomach. He
didn't hurt her, but she wasn't exactly comfortable, either. Her sheet-draped
knees lifted, she kept her eyes on the ceiling as the examination continued,
answering the occasional question without embellishment.

"Everything looks just fine," Dr. Freeman
observed, pulling off his rubber glove. He glanced at Dustin, who'd watched
quietly. "You heard the heartbeat yet?"

Dustin shook his head, his eyes rounding a bit. "No. This
is the first time I've accompanied Elise to an appointment."

Dr. Freeman picked up a hand-size instrument and lowered the
sheet to expose Elise's softly rounded stomach. He squeezed a cold gel onto her
skin, laughing when she instinctively flinched. "Stuff feels like it's
been in the freezer, doesn't it?" he sympathized. She nodded.

Strange, amplified sounds filled the room when the doctor
pressed the instrument to her stomach. "That's the placenta," he
explained when a slurping, pumping sound made Dustin lean forward curiously.
And then he smiled. "There it is. Hear it?"

The heartbeat was rapid, strong and very, very real.
"That's... the baby?" Dustin asked somewhat weakly. "Yep. Strong
as a horse. Oops." Dr. Freeman moved the amplifier when the heartbeat
suddenly faded. "What happened?" Dustin demanded quickly. "The
kid moved to the other side. Ahthere it is again." And again they heard
the tiny heart beating steadily inside Elise's womb.

His own pulse pounding somewhere in the middle of his
throat, Dustin looked at Elise, lying so still and quiet on the table, her eyes
trained on him. What did she read in his face? he wondered rather dazedly. He
couldn't even have described his feelings himself, at that moment. For the
first time, he fully accepted that there was a baby. A real, living, growing
baby who would, perhaps, have his nose, Elise's eyes, his smile. Or maybe his
eyes and Elise's smile. "Wow."

Dr. Freeman chuckled and put his instruments away. "You
can get dressed now, Ms Webber. I'm going to have the lab tech take a blood
sample from your arm before you leave. Gloria will take you around to the lab
when you're ready. I'll also give her a prescription for a refill of the
prenatal vitamins you've been taking." He patted her knee. "See you
in three weeks."

"Dr. Freeman," Dustin blurted when the doctor
turned to leave. "You're sure she's okay?"

The older man smiled understandingly. "She's fine. They
both are."

Again, Dustin met Elise's eyes and, again, he couldn't quite
read her expression. They were both silent when he helped her down from the
table and watched her retreat to the bathroom with as much dignity as possible
while clutching a sheet around her bare lower half. Even under such awkward
circumstances, he thought she looked beautiful.

Maybe the baby would be a dark-haired, dark-eyed little
girl, he thought fleetingly, his throat going tight again.

 

They spent several hours in Hot Springs after the
examination was over. Sensing that Elise wasn't quite ready to talk about the
visit with the doctor, Dustin exerted himself to entertain her. Though November
peak season for this town that was also a national park, there were still a few
tourists roaming the streets, touring the historical bath houses, dipping their
fingers into the steaming hot spring display, roaming through the wax museum
and the many souvenir shops lined along the main thoroughfare through town.

Darrell had mentioned that Oaklawn Park would be opening in
February for horse racing season and that the city would be filled to capacity
from then until the end of the season in April; that summer brought out the sun
lovers wanting to take advantage of the several lakes and parks around the
city. But for now, the area was relatively quiet, pleasantly uncrowded.

Dustin and Elise roamed hand in hand along the winding
sidewalks, saying little, neither anxious to shatter the silence between them
with small talk. For Dustin, the silence was filled with echoesthe remembered
sound of a tiny heart beating strongly, steadily, safely within a warm, dark
womb.

 

That night over dinner they talked about babies. Both being
only offspring, they'd never spent much time around babies, though Dustin
confessed to having begged for a baby brother until his mother had sadly told
him that she'd had to have a hysterectomy when Dustin was only a toddler.
Elise, of course, had known all along that there would be no siblingsMaria had
made that quite clear from the time Elise could understand.

"But didn't you ever want a brother or a sister?"
Dustin prodded, resting his elbows on the table as he studied her in the
softened artificial lighting.

She shrugged. "Yes," she admitted. "I went
through a stage of longing for a sister. I always felt a bit guilty about it. I
didn't want Mother to think I wasn't happy with our life. But sometimes I felt
a bit... lonely."

Dustin chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip, wondering about
Elise's compulsion to please her mother even now. For the first time he began
to realize that Elise had felt that need because she'd had no one else. No
wonder it was so hard now for her to accept that there was someone else to turn
to, someone else who cared for her and wanted to be there for her. Had she
convinced herself that she didn't want a family because she'd never really
expected to have one?

He was startled by the intensity of his sudden determination
that Elise would never have cause to feel lonely again.

"When I was a kid, my favorite person in the world,
other than my parents, was my aunt Judy," he heard himself saying, then
almost looked around to see if it really was his voice speaking. Why had he
suddenly brought this up without even consciously deciding to do so?

Elise cocked her head expectantly, waiting for him to
elaborate, knowing he had a purpose for bringing up his aunt. Wryly aware that
there was logic to his subconscious conversational tact, Dustin decided to tell
her some of the reasons that lay beneath his compulsive avoidance of children.
It was about time she knew more about him, he reasoned.

"Judy was my mom's twin sister, and they were very
close. She and her husband, Dan, even lived next door to us when I was growing
up. We saw each other all the time. Judy didn't marry until I was five and then
she and Dan tried for several years to have a baby. I knew how badly they wanted
a child and I wanted it for them because I knew how happy it would make them.
In the meantime, they both spoiled methe only kid in the familyand I loved
it." He grimaced ruefully. "Needless to say, I was pretty much
indulged as a kidonly child, only grandchild, only nephew. Anything I wanted,
all I had to do was ask."

Elise smiled. "No wonder you're so fond of having your
own way. How did you ever turn out so well? It's a miracle you're not a crime
boss."

Chuckling, he nodded. "Fortunately my family's indulgence
was tempered with common sense. My dad wielded a pretty mean belt when I got
too far out of line."

Elise looked shocked. "He beat you?" she gasped.
"He spanked me," he corrected her gently, knowing full well that
Maria would never have laid a hand on Elise. But then, she wouldn't have needed
to. "Only a few timesand I fully deserved it each time. My dad was a
wonderful father, Elise, with rather old-fashioned ideas on child raising that
seem to have paid off." She relaxed, her smile returning. "Yes, I
guess they did." She reached for her nearly empty glass of milk, which
Dustin had insisted she drink that evening. Draining it, she made a face, then
set it down pointedly, making sure he noted it was empty. He grinned. "Did
your aunt ever have a baby?" she asked when that small ritual was
completed.

His grin faded. "Yes," he replied soberly.
"The whole family rejoiced when she became pregnant. You've never seen
such preparations for a new arrival. They had a boya beautiful little boy they
named Jessie. It was a name I'd suggested, and they liked it. I was really
excited by my new cousin. Aunt Judy let me hold him and feed him his bottles
anytime I wanted, even though I was only ten."

Elise had gone very still, her expression wary as she
watched him, obviously reading the sadness in his eyes. "Something
happened to him, didn't it?"

"SIDS," he answered grimly. "Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome. They called it crib death back then, though I understand it's
just as mysterious now as it was twenty-five years ago. Aunt Judy went into the
nursery one morning to check on Jessie and he was lying in his crib, looking as
if he were asleep. Realizing something was wrong, she tried to wake him. She
couldn't."

Elise made a choked sound of horror. "How awful for
her," she whispered.

His eyes fixed on a heartbreaking scene from the past,
Dustin nodded. "She was devastated. It took herand her husbanda very
long time to recover."

"Did they ever have any other children?"

He shook his head slowly. "It turned out that Aunt Judy
had the same sort of female problems that had caused my mother's hysterectomy.
She had to have one, herself, a year later. When I was a teenager, she and Dan
adopted a little Korean girl, Kim Lee. She's a sweet kid. I saw her last year
when I visited my aunt and uncle at Christmas. Judy and Dan adore her. But it's
still very hard for them to talk about Jessie."

A long silence followed. Glancing at Elise, Dustin noted
that her hand rested on her swelling stomach. He wondered if she was even aware
of it. And then she asked quietly, "Is that the reason you're nervous
around children?"

Lifting one shoulder in a shrug, he toyed with his fork.
"I guess that started it. There have been other things. One of my
fraternity brothers in college had two small children and lost one in a car
accident. I attended the funeral with my fraternity, and I recognized the
expressions on the young parents' faces. Grieving parents all seem to have the
same look in their eyes."

"No wonder you're so worried about becoming attached to
a child."

"They're so fragile, so vulnerable." He glanced up
at her. "Remember the day you told me you were pregnant? The day I brought
you the chocolates?"

"Of course."

"There was a little girl at the mall when I stopped to
buy the candy. She nearly fell down the escalator. If I hadn't happened to be
standing close enough to catch her, she'd have fallen. Her mother wasn't a
careless woman. The child had simply broken away from her. No matter how
careful the parents are, things can still go wrong."

"It really is frightening, isn't it?" Elise
murmured, looking down at her hand where it rested over the part of her body
that cradled their own helpless, vulnerable child. "How do you suppose so
many people find the courage to take on that responsibility? Darrell and Karen
have three and they seem to be totally devoted to them, yet they don't sit
around worrying about all the things that could go wrong."

Dustin spread his hands in bewilderment. "I don't know.
Nor do I understand how anyone could deliberately abuse a small child."

Elise shook her head vehemently. "Neither do I. I'll
never understand that." After another long moment of silence, she sighed,
ran a hand through her hairDustin noted that it had grown a bit longer since
they'd arrived in Arkansasand then looked up at him. "We both agree that
raising a child is a daunting responsibility, one neither of us is sure we're
ready for. Maybe...maybe it would be best for us to give this baby up
for adoption."

His stomach muscles clenched. "How do we know that
would be best?" he asked, his voice low, strained. "How do we know
the adoptive parents wouldn't mistreat the child?"

"I don't know." Her own voice was barely audible.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she shivered as if with a sudden chill.
"I only want what's best for the baby," she whispered.

"So do I." And he knew he spoke the truth. The
fierce protectiveness he'd felt earlier for Elise expanded to include their
child. He wanted to take care of both of them. And he'd never felt less
confident in his life.

 

THAT NIGHT HE DREAMED of holding a baby. A tiny, mewling
baby wrapped in a soft white blanket, clutching Dustin's lapel with one tiny
pink hand. He didn't know whether it was a boy or girl; he was just going to,
check when someone took the baby from him and walked away. In the dream, he
stood rooted to the spot, watching with a hopeless emptiness as the featureless
person disappeared into the darkness with the tiny, fragile bundle. He woke and
lay staring at the ceiling, that same dark emptiness hovering just on the edges
of his consciousness. Swallowing hard, he buried his face in Elise's soft hair
as she slept nestled securely into his shoulder. It was a very long time before
he went back to sleep.




8

 

HE'D RETREATED FROM her. During the two weeks that followed
the doctor appointment, after their dinnertime conversation about the
responsibilities inherent with babies, Elise found herself living with a
stranger. A charming, attentive, politely distant stranger who saw to her every
need with a bright smile, a teasing remark and carefully shuttered blue eyes.
In all the time she'd known Dustin Chandler, she'd never felt so thoroughly
shut out of his thoughts.

There had been no more talk of babies. She'd tried a time or
two to bring up the subjectafter all, he was the attorney. He knew more than
she about what arrangements they should be making should they decide that
adoption was the path they wanted to take. But their roles seemed to have
reversed since that grave conversation. Now it was Dustin determinedly avoiding
all talk of the future.

Deciding that he was growing restless, already regretting
his decision to leave Atlanta, she began to prepare herself for his departure.
She had no intention of leaving the lake house yet, but she wouldn't attempt to
keep Dustin with her should he express a desire to go. For the first time she
acknowledged how accustomed she'd grown to his company, to living with him
full-time. They'd been living together for almost five weeks and already he'd
made a place for himself in her life. His absence would leave a gaping void
that she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to completely fill.

Wasn't this exactly why she'd hesitated about having him
move in with her? Hadn't she been afraid of growing dependent on himon anyoneonly
to have that security pulled out from under her? Why hadn't she remembered
Maria's frequent warnings about never relying on anyone but herself?

Only when they made love did she feel close to him nowand
they made love often. Dustin may have learned to conceal his thoughts, but he
made no effort to hide his desire. She had no doubt that he was still strongly
attracted to her, that the magic was still there for them in bed. He never
failed to satisfy her, to love her with tender consideration, and yet she knew
he received as much pleasure from their lovemaking as he gave. She drew some
solace from that knowledge during those long, confusing two weeks.

On the first Wednesday afternoon in December, two weeks and
one day after her doctor appointment, Elise and Dustin were sitting in the
gazebo, watching the sunset, when they were joined by their other neighbors,
the O'Malleys. Snuggled into a Navy-styled wool coat of Dustin's, Elise smiled
at the couple, whom she'd met a time or two during the past five weeks. "Out
for a walk?" she asked, watching sympathetically as Hank carefully lowered
himself into one of the four wrought-iron chairs in the gazebo.

Leona nodded her silvery head, her gray eyes also fixed on
her wincing husband. "The doctor says walking is good for Hank's
back."

"Still giving you a lot of trouble?" Dustin asked
the older man.

Hank grunted an affirmative. "Guess it always
will," he said with a faint sigh. "I'll get used to it, I
suppose."

Dustin scowled. "I wish you'd see an attorney about
that waiver you signed, Hank. I hate to see that Nicols guy get away with what
he did to you."

"It wasn't him, it was his boy," Hank argued.
"And I signed that waiver in good faith. I'm not going to back out on my
word."

"But, Hank, they tricked you. Nicols knew he should be
responsible for the actions of his minor son. Believe me, you still have the
option to sue for medical assistancenot to mention pain and suffering. I
pointed out all the holes in the document you signed. They can't hold you to
it."

"Hank just doesn't want to go begging to another
lawyer," Leona put in wistfully, her gloved hands clasped in the lap of
her polyester slacks as she watched Dustin with trusting eyes. "It really
hurt his pride when we were turned down. If only you could be our attorney, Dustin."

Dustin shook his head, the waning sun through the
latticework turning his hair to dull gold. "I explained that to you,
Leona. I don't have a license to practice law in this state."

"Couldn't you get one?"

"I won't be here long enough to make it feasible,"
he answered gently. "But I will find you an attorney who'll be
willing to represent you and I'll go with you to meet him. Would that
help?"

"I don't know," Hank murmured doubtfully.
"Are you sure I wouldn't be making myself out a liar after signing that
paper saying I wouldn't sue?"

Dustin leaned forward intently, his expression so sincerely
concerned that Elise wondered how anyone could possibly resist him. "Hank,
you said yourself that you signed that paper in good faith. You had faith that
the man wasn't trying to cheat you, that he was being totally honest with you
when he assured you that the treatments you were receiving at the time would be
all you'd need, despite the doctor's warnings otherwise. You trusted him and he
abused that trust for his own convenience. It isn't fair for you and Leona to
have to make sacrifices now because of his duplicity."

Elise knew that his mention of Leona's sacrifices had been
deliberate. Hank was the type of husband who'd do anything for his wife of over
forty years and Dustin knew it. Hank looked thoughtfully at his still lovely
wife and caved in on the spot. With a nod of his mostly bald head he turned to
Dustin. "You find us a lawyer and I'll go talk to him. And I appreciate
it."

Dustin smiled. "You're welcome."

During the next few minutes, as the conversation continued
along other lines, Elise continued to watch Dustin, touched by his concern for
the older couple. What a caring, sensitive man he was, she reflected, savoring
these special traits she'd discovered behind the breezy, materialistic image
he'd so carefully projected. She'd thought a great deal about the
heart-wrenching story he'd told her about his aunt's baby, realizing that the
deep sensitivity he masked made him particularly vulnerable to other people's
pain. He'd tried to protect himself from those empathetic emotions by holding
himself aloof from others to an extent, never allowing anyone to become too
close.

She'd known from the first time he'd casually mentioned the
loss of his parents within five years of each other that their deaths had hit
him hard, though they'd never really talked about his feelings. Just as Elise
had trained herself not to long for things she'd probably never have, Dustin
had learned to compensate for his overly compassionate nature by telling
himself not to care too much. He'd avoided love, marriage, childreneven very
close friendships, with the exception of Nathan, who'd refused to be pushed
away.

And then he'd met her. Stunned by the implications of her
thoughts, Elise sat very still as the conversation flowed easily around her,
reviewing the events of the months since she'd become involved with Dustin
Chandler. He'd pursued her until she'd given in to the attraction between them
and then he'd shown no interest in anyone else while they were together. He'd
given up a job he loved to take care of her when her mistake had led to a
pregnancy he'd assumed they'd taken care to prevent. He'd been so considerate,
so thoughtful of her during the past five weeks they'd lived together, his
carefully erected barriers slipping often enough for her to glimpse the
vulnerable man within. He'd made friends with Darrell, spending quite a bit of
time with the other man, and now he was volunteering his assistance to the
O'Malleys.

Dustin was having a hard time maintaining those defenses
he'd practiced so conscientiously in the past. It was as if, in allowing Elise
to penetrate the barriers, he'd been unable to repair the chink she'd slipped
through. Was that why he'd been so distant lately? Had he been trying to
reconstruct those emotional walls, to prevent himself from coming to care too
deeply for her?

Forshe swallowed hard on the thoughtfor their baby?

"Elise?" Leona's voice intruded quizzically on her
whirling thoughts. Elise blinked and looked up in question. The older woman
smiled kindly. "Hank and I have to go now."

Embarrassed, Elise apologized. "I was thinking about
something," she explained falteringly.

Leona nodded indulgently. "I understand expectant
mothers are prone to that sort of thing. You'd better get inside soon, dear.
It's getting quite chilly."

"It is getting chilly," Dustin seconded when the
O'Malleys were gone. "We should go in."

Elise nodded and stood, her hands deep in the pockets of her
borrowed coat. She noted that Dustin's nose was a bit pink from the cold,
though he wore a sweater and a denim jacket. How could anyone look so
devastatingly sexy with a pink nose? she wondered almost absently.

"Why did you choose corporate law?" she asked
unexpectedly when she and Dustin stepped inside the house.

He paused a moment before responding. "Why would you
ask that?" he asked as he hung their coats on the rack by the door.

Smoothing the worn plaid maternity topone that Karen had
loaned herElise watched Dustin's face as she made a careful suggestion.
"Could it be that you chose the rather detached, impersonal field of
corporate law because you were worried about getting too involved with your
clients if you'd gone into private practice?"

He looked startled by her hypothesis. "Of course
not," he repudiated immediately. "What would make you think that? I
chose corporate law because it's very interesting to me. I don't get involved
with the cases personally."

"Oh, no?" she challenged, tilting her chin.
"Then what about that last case you worked on for WesCo? Remember how
indignant you were that the man was being harassed by that city council?
Remember how charged up you were when it appeared that you had all you needed
to win the case? You've called Nathan twice during the past month to find out
if there's been a ruling yet, even though you're no longer affiliated with the
company."

Dustin shook his head in apparent exasperation. "I'm
just curious. It's only natural after all the work I put into that research.
What is this, anyway? Why all the questions about my career? You've never
seemed all that interested in why I chose my field before."

Elise shrugged. "Just a theory I'm working on,"
she answered with deliberate obscurity.

"What theory?"

Choosing not to answer just then, she turned and headed
toward the kitchen. "I'm getting hungry. The roast should be done by now,
so dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I'll call you when it's finished if
you want to watch the news now."

She was aware that Dustin watched her until she disappeared
into the kitchen, his face creased with a puzzled frown. She finished her
dinner preparations in thoughtful silence, wondering how close to the truth
she'd come in her revelations about the real Dustin Chandler.

 

CRADLED AGAINST Dustin's side, Elise was just about to fall
asleep that night when his voice roused her. "You don't really believe
that I've chosen corporate law out of a fear of getting involved, do you?"
he asked, sounding rather amused by the very suggestion, though her words had
obviously been nagging him, since he felt the need to bring them up again.

"I think it's possible," she answered honestly.
"I think you're afraid of letting your clients downjust as you've been
afraid of the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood."

He stiffened. "You're one to talk," he accused
her. "Look how carefully you've avoided serious relationships in the
past."

"I'm aware of that. But in my case, I was making a
conscious choice. I didn't think I could attain my career goals and still
commit myself to a family, so I chose to concentrate on the career."

He snorted.

Elise lifted her head to glare at him through the shadows.
"What was that supposed to mean?"

He told her. The word wasn't one she'd heard him use often.
"You haven't made choices," he added. "Your mother made them for
you. You've simply gone along with them to please her."

Gasping in outrage, Elise sat straight up in the bed.
"Of all the ridiculous things to say!"

"Is it? It's obvious that your heart is in local news,
though you say you've got an eye on a national spot. Yet you haven't done
anything about attaining such a job. Why not?"

"I wasn't ready! It takes a great deal of experience
and training to prepare for a national spot."

"You're more than ready, and you know it. You just
hated to leave a job you loved for one your mother wanted for you."

"Leave my mother out of this!"

"How can I? Everything you do is influenced by her.
Even your phobia about child rearing. Isn't it just possible that your fear of
parenthood is a result of your own lack of family history? That you're afraid
you'll be as unfit for motherhood as Maria was?"

"Maria was a good mother to me!"

"As long as you didn't interfere with her career,"
he countered, proving he'd read between the lines more often than she'd thought
when they'd swapped childhood reminiscences.

"If I was all that obsessed with pleasing my mother,
I'd have had an abortion when I found out I was pregnant," she said
heatedly. "And I wouldn't be here with you now. You know she was against
this move."

He nodded in the darkness. "I know. Occasionally you
show a stubborn streak of individuality. Once you admit what you really want,
you don't let Maria or anyone else stop you. It just takes you a while to get
around to admitting it."

"You're crazy."

"It's different when I'm the one doing the
analyzing, isn't it, Elise? You think you have me pegged, but you don't even
understand your own motivations."

"I don't want to quarrel about this tonight," she
proclaimed loftily, lying back down and turning her back to him. "I'm
going to sleep."

Before she could even blink, she found herself flat against
the mattress, Dustin looming over her. "Don't ever turn your back on me
again," he warned her, his voice dangerously soft.

She'd never felt intimidated by Dustin before. She tried to
tell herself that she wasn't now. She knew she lied. "Don't give me
orders, Dustin."

They remained in that position for a long, tense moment and
then he released her and fell back against the pillows. "We're both
tired," he remarked distantly. "We'd better get some sleep before
this turns into something we'll both regret."

Elise lay awake for a long time, aware that Dustin was no
closer to sleep than she was, though neither tried to initiate conversation. It
seemed the better she knew him, the less she understood him. She wondered how
much longer they'd be able to go on like this.

 

By mutual agreement, they didn't bring up the quarrel the
next day. Both Dustin and Elise were very careful to keep their conversation
light and innocuous. When the phone rang that afternoon, Elise answered it
gratefully, hoping a talk with Ariel or Maria would ease the tension she still
felt from the evening before. The caller, however, was Nathan, wanting to speak
with Dustin.

Dustin and Nathan talked for quite a while. When the call
ended, Dustin was smiling, his eyes bright. "Good news?" Elise asked
with assumed casualness.

Dustin shook his head. "Nothing really. Nathan had some
legal questions he thought I might be able to answer quickly. I couldn't, but I
volunteered to do some research for him, since I have so much more free time
than he does these days. Good thing I had my books shipped here so I wouldn't
forget everything I knew."

"Are you getting terribly bored?" Elise couldn't
help asking. He seemed so pleased to have a job to do.

He ran a finger across her cheek, smiling down at her, the
shadows gone now from his eyes. "No, Elise. I'm not getting bored. But
I'll enjoy doing this research. I don't want to get rusty while I'm on hiatus
from work."

Wondering dimly if he would ever be able to touch her
without melting her knees, Elise caught his hand in hers in an impulsive show
of affection, dropping a kiss on his knuckles. Just as she'd recognized his
gesture as an unspoken apology for his part in their quarrel, he seemed to
understand that she, too, was sorry that they'd argued.

"What about you, Elise? Are you getting bored? Ready to
throw yourself back into the rat race?" he asked with a light tone that
didn't fool her for a minute.

"Strangely enough, I'm not," she answered quietly
and with total honesty. She smiled ruefully. "I must be getting lazy, as
well as fat."

"Not you. You're just taking a much-needed rest,"
he assured her, dropping a kiss on her unpainted lips. "Want to help me
look up legal cases?"

She smiled. "I think I'll pass, thanks. I want to
finish that mystery I started yesterday."

"The butler did it," he informed her gravely.

"There is no butler."

"Then it was the maid."

"No maid."

He sighed gustily. "All right. I confess. I did
it."

Elise laughed. "Idiot."

His grin deepened. "Nice to hear you laugh again."

Had she been so gloomy lately? Determined to keep a tighter
rein on her rebellious hormones, she patted his cheek. "Go start your
research. It's such a beautiful day, I'm going to read in the gazebo."

She was startled when he caught her in his arms for a long,
deep kiss. By the time it ended, she was clinging to his forearms for balance,
her pulse racing, breathing shaky. "Um" She stopped to clear her
throat. "What was that for?"

His eyes narrowed devilishly. "That pat on the cheek
was just a bit too platonic. I don't want you to get in the habit of treating
me like a brother."

"Believe me, Dustin Chandler, there is nothing sisterly
about my feelings for you," she assured him fervently.

"Good." He kissed her again, more gently this
time, but still quite thoroughly. "Why don't you give some thought to just
what those feelings are while you're reading," he suggested ambiguously.
He walked away before she could ask for clarification. She suspected that he
did so deliberately.

She'd been readingor trying to readfor half an hour when
the child's voice interrupted her. "Hi, Miss Webber."

Elise looked up from her book, grateful for the excuse to
think of something other than Dustin's confusing behavioreven if that excuse
was a five-year-old girl. "Hello, A.J. Where's your mommy?"

"She's giving Bo and Micah a bath. They got into the
peanut butter while Mama was braiding my hair."

Elise winced at the thought of the mess. "Does she know
you've wandered away? She'll be worried."

A.J. shrugged unconcernedly. "Whatcha reading?"

"It's a mystery story. About a policeman," she
added when A.J. looked puzzled.

AJ.'s expression cleared. "Like Inspector Gadget?"

Elise had no idea who Inspector Gadget was, but it sounded
reasonable. "Yes. Like Inspector Gadget."

"Is it a good story?"

"Pretty good."

"Will you read it to me?"

Elise smiled. "I don't think so. It's written for
grownups, not children. You wouldn't like it."

"Oh." Losing interest in the book, A.J. looked
around. "Where's Dusty?"

"Dustoh, you mean Dustin." She managed not to
laugh, though she fully intended to tease her lover about his small admirer
later. Dusty. How cute. "He's in the house, doing some work."

"My mommy said you're going to have a baby."

"Yes, that's right," Elise confirmed carefully,
suddenly uncomfortable again.

"Is it a girl baby or a boy baby?"

"We don't know yet."

"Boys are a pain. Girls are best," A.J. proclaimed
loftily.

Elise smiled. "Is that right?"

The child nodded vigorously, then changed the subject again
with the artlessness of youth. "We're getting a Christmas tree this week.
Do you have a Christmas tree?"

Christmas. Elise hadn't even thought about the holiday yet.
It was less than three weeks away, she realized in mild surprise. "No, not
yet."

"Are you going to get one?"

"I hadn't really thought about it."

A.J. looked concerned. "You have to have a tree or
Santa won't bring your baby any toys," she said seriously.

"I don't think Santa brings toys to babies who aren't
born yet," Elise answered a bit awkwardly. Maybe she'd better take A.J.
home, she thought. Karen would be worried. And Elise was rapidly running out of
answers for the inquiring little mind.

"A.J.!" Karen appeared from the side of the house,
Bo following at her heels, Micah in his customary position on her hip. Both
boys looked squeaky clean. "Oh, there you are. I thought I'd told you
never to wander off like that. You worried me. And you shouldn't be bothering
Miss Webber."

"I was just about to bring her home," Elise said.
"I knew you'd be concerned about her."

Karen rolled her eyes expressively. "They've all been a
handful today. Just about the time I get one taken care of, one of the others
pulls something. I'll be glad when Darrell gets home so he can watch them for a
while."

"It sounds like you deserve a break," Elise
commented sympathetically.

Nodding, Karen agreed. "Besides," she added.
"Darrell's feeling guilty because our baby-sitter canceled out for
tonight. He won't turn me down for any-thing."

"Did you have something special planned for
tonight?"

"It's our sixth wedding anniversary. You'd think it
would be easy to find a baby-sitter on a Thursday night, but there's a
basketball game tonight and all the kids I called were planning to go. Darrell
promised to take me out next week to make it up to me."

"He can take you out tonight. We'll watch the kids for
you, won't we, Elise?"

Her eyes wide, Elise looked around at Dustin as if he'd lost
his mind. She hadn't even known he'd walked up. What a way to announce his arrival!
"Weum we will?"

"Sure." He grinned at Karen. "Whaddaya say,
Karen? You trust us with the little angels?"

Karen laughed. "Those little angels could have you tied
up and locked in a closet in thirty seconds flat. Besides, I don't want to
impose on you two. But thank you for offering."

Dustin shook his head stubbornly. "No argument. Elise
and I will be there atseven?to watch the kids. Now you run home and start
making yourself gorgeous for your date. Tell Darrell to take you someplace
really nice."

Her expression an odd mixture of apology and anticipation,
Karen glanced at Elise. Elise smiled, hiding her misgivings. "Please
accept, Karen. We really don't mind and I'd feel terrible if you had to miss
your anniversary celebration."

"Let them stay with us, Mommy," A.J. urged
eagerly. "We'll be good, won't we, Bo?"

Bo nodded vigorously, his expression choirboy innocent, eyes
glinting impishly. "We be good," he echoed.

"Goo'," Micah piped up, imitating his siblings.

Karen surrendered without further protest. "If you're
sure you don't mind. I'll owe you a big one, I mean it. I'll keep the baby for
you when you have your first night out after it gets here," she promised.

Elise just smiled. Dustin did the same. Those smiles
remained fixed in place until Karen and her brood were out of earshot. And then
Elise turned swiftly to Dustin. "What the hell have you been
smoking?"

Dustin laughed and dropped into the chair closest to hers.
"You know I don't smoke."

"Then you've lost your mind. You and I don't know the
first thing about baby-sitting."

He shrugged. "How hard can it be?"

The choked sound that escaped her was the only one she was
capable of making just then. Three children! For an entire evening! Heaven help
them. She wasn't sure if her impromptu prayer was for the children's safety or
her own.

"How do you feel about a weekend in Little Rock?"
Dustin asked unexpectedly, watching her as he spoke.

She lifted an eyebrow in question. "Beginning now, I
hope?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "After the
babysitting. We'd leave tomorrow. I need to use the University of Arkansas legal library. I placed a few calls and made arrangements. I thought you and I could
spend a couple of nights at a nice hotel, do some shopping, enjoy a change of
scenery for a few days. How does it sound?"

"Wonderful," she breathed, delighted with the
suggestion. She could do some Christmas shopping, have her hair done, entertain
herself quite satisfactorily while Dustin was doing his research.

He smiled in pleasure at her positive reaction. "Good.
We'll do it, then."

"If we survive this evening you've gotten us
into," she added pessimistically.

He only laughed. "How bad can it be?" he repeated.

 

It WASN'T as bad as she'd expected, she admitted at the end
of her first experience at baby-sitting. Not quite, anyway. Oh, there'd been a
major fight between AJ. and Bo over a toy both claimed for their own, including
shrieks, tears and hair pulling. Dustin had settled that one quickly enough,
calling on his experience as a litigator. And then AJ. had wanted to watch a
television program that Elise deemed totally unfit for anyone with taste, much
less an impressionable five-year-old. Despite A.J.'s solemn and less than
believable assurances that Karen and Darrell always allowed her to watch
that show, Elise held out with her refusal. Dustin coaxed the child out of her
sulk with a cookie, offered with a rueful moue of self-censure.

Micah seemed quite proud of himself when he crawled into
Dustin's laponly to have Dustin wrinkle his nose and say, "Whew!" As
Micah laughed at the face the funny man had made, Dustin looked pleadingly at
Elise.

She shook her head forcefully. "Uh-uh. He came to you,
remember? Have fun."

Dustin sniffed again, choked and glanced back at Elise.
"Remember that line from Three Men and a Baby? I'll give you a
thousand dollars to change this diaper."

"I have a thousand dollars, thank you. And you
have a little job to take care of. Now if you'll excuse me, Bo wants a glass of
grape juice. I'll take care of that."

"Well, gee, don't strain yourself," Dustin
muttered, taking a deep breath and reaching for the baby wipes.

AJ. made use of her mother's cosmetics while Dustin and
Elise got the boys ready for bed. It took Elise ten minutes of scrubbing with
generous amounts of cold cream to eradicate the scarlet smears from the chubby
little cheeks. "Will you tell me a story?" A J. asked when her face
glowed with nothing more than youthful health.

"Bring me a book and I'll read you a story," Elise
replied.

A J. shook her head. "Don't read. Make one up."

Elise looked to Dustin for help. His grin made her seriously
consider hitting him. "I'm not very good at that sort of thing,
sweetheart. But I'm sure Dusty knows lots of stories," she suggested with
her most saccharin-sweet smile.

His eyes promising retribution, Dustin gave in to the
children's pleas and launched into a rambling tale of a beautiful pigtailed
princess and a brave little knight named Bo who saved her from the terrible
broccoli monster. By the time the story came to a rather strange ending, both
AJ. and Bo were asleep. Dustin carried them carefully to bed, one at a time,
while Elise held a sleepy Micah, cradling him in the curve of her arm as he
drank his nighttime bottle, his eyes already half-dosed.

Her initial awkwardness fading, Elise snuggled the chubby
little body closer, bending her dark head over him. There was something rather
nice about holding a drowsy baby, she thought contently. Restful. If she could
bottle the feeling, she'd bet it would outsell tran-quilizers.

Glancing up, her eyes clashed with Dustin's as he stood in
the doorway, watching her with an odd expression. A grave, tender expression
that brought a hard lump to her throat. "You look very natural," he
said rather huskily.

"Ium" Her words died. Their eyes held, the quiet
intimacy of the moment holding them enthralled.

And then the spell was broken as Darrell and Karen breezed
in earlier than expected, though both looked quite satisfied with the rare
evening out. Elise brushed off their thanks, as did Dustin, assuring the young
parents that their children had behaved perfectly.

Dustin said nothing more about that disconcertingly intense
interlude, though the door to their temporary home had barely closed behind
them before he had her in his arms. Even as she surrendered wholeheartedly to
his lovemaking, Elise couldn't help wondering if Dustin was beginning to
indulge in a fantasy that she wasn't sure could ever become reality for them.




9

 

After only an hourłs drive from the lakeside cottage, Dustin
and Elise arrived in Little Rock early on Friday morning. The hotel where
Dustin had made reservations was a very nice one right on the banks of the Arkansas River. Elise was impressed.

"You're sure you'll be okay while I'm doing my
research?" Dustin asked for perhaps the thirtieth time.

"I'll be fine," she assured him patiently.
"I'm going to have my hair done, get a manicure, do some shopping. The
woman at the desk gave me directions to anything

I need, and all within walking distance of here. Okay?"

He still looked worried. "Maybe you should get a cab. I
don't like the thought of you walking the streets of downtown Little Rock
alone."

"Dustin, it's broad daylight. I'll be fine."

He sighed. "All right. Sorry if I'm being
overprotective. I can't seem to help it."

"Please, darling, go do your research and I'll"
She stopped, her eyes widening in surprise.

Dustin looked a bit dazed, himself. "What did you call
me?"

She twisted her hands in front of her. "Iumit just
lipped out."

His smile was blinding. "I liked it." He kissed
her soundly. "1 liked it a lot. See you later, darling."

"Umsee you." She didn't move as he let himself
out of the room, whistling cheerily. She'd never called him darling before.
She'd never called anyone darling before. So why had it seemed so natural to use
the endearment for Dustin?

Shaking her soon-to-be-trimmed head, she told herself that
too much domesticity was definitely taking its toll on her.

 

Despite all Elisełs plans for the day, she ended up
returning to the hotel room for a nap after her hairstyling and manicure.
Besides, she told herself, climbing into the huge, soft bed, it had gotten cold
while she was in the salon. Too cold for walking. She'd shop the next day with
Dustin at one of the three malls she'd been told were within fifteen minutes drive
from the hotel.

Dustin found her sleeping when he returned from the library,
a scribble-filled legal pad under his arm. Setting the pad aside, he tiptoed to
the side of the bed and looked at her for a long time. Her face was lightly
flushed with sleep, her moist, soft mouth just slightly parted. Her dark lashes
fluttered a bit against her cheeks, as if she were dreaming.

Were her dreams pleasant ones? he wondered soberly, unable
to resist reaching out to stroke her freshly washed and trimmed hair. Was he in
them?

She stirred beneath his hand, then arched into his caress
like a sleepy cat. He'd skipped lunch, but the hunger that clenched the muscles
in his abdomen had nothing to do with food. Slipping out of his shoes, he
yanked his cashmere sweater over his head and slid into the bed beside her.

Still barely awake, she blinked and smiled. "Hi. How'd
it go?"

"I missed you," he answered simply, propping
himself on one elbow so that his other hand was free to stroke her. She had on
one of the cotton gowns she favored, baring her arms to his exploration. He
trailed his hand from the curve of her shoulder to her fingertips, noting in
pleasure that the caress made her shiver. He lifted her hand to his mouth,
touching the tip of his tongue to her knuckles. That, too, elicited a quiver of
response. "You're so beautiful, Elise."

Her dark eyes had gotten heavy-lidded, this time not from
sleep. "Dustin," she whispered, pulling her hand out of his to cup
the back of his head and pull him toward her. She met him halfway, her lips
fusing eagerly with his.

It occurred to him that, despite all the kisses they'd
shared in the nine months they'd been together, the taste of her lips still
seemed sweeter than any he'd known before, still had the power to arouse him to
a painful degree in an incredibly short time. He couldn't imagine ever wanting
to kiss anyone else. And for the first time, Dustin Chandler admitted to
himself that he was In love. Deeply, totally, permanently in love.

He loved her. And he was afraid to tell her. She wasn't
ready, not yet, not while her emotions were still so tangled, her plans so
hazy. She was still too wary of losing that fierce independence Maria had
programmed into her, too afraid of making herself vulnerable to the risk of
loving and being hurt. He could think of nothing he wanted more at that moment
than to hear Elise tell him that she loved him, too, but he had to admit it was
unlikely that she would do so yet. Even if she did love him, she wasn't ready
to acknowledge it to himor to herself.

Her left breast, full and firm with her pregnancy, filled
his wandering hand. He kneaded gently, feeling the nipple harden into his palm.
She liked that, he thought tenderly, nibbling at her throat, from which escaped
almost imperceptible moans of approval. His own needs ignored, he concentrated
on giving her all the pleasure she could handle. Lowering his mouth to her
breast, he suckled her through the thin cotton gown, making her arch again with
a reedy cry. I love you, Elise. But her name was the only word he said
aloud.

His hand traced lower. Her stomach was round and taut and
his fingers were deliberately gentle and soothing as they moved downward,
seeking the soft warmth below.

And then he froze. His startled eyes lifted to her face. Her
heavy lids lifted and their gazes locked. "Was that?"

She nodded, even as the movement came again beneath his
palm. And yet again, harder this time. 'The baby's kicking," he almost
whispered, dimly aware of the near reverence in his tone. She'd mentioned that
the baby had become more active lately, but this was the first time he'd
actually felt it himself. The experience stunned him, even more than hearing
the heartbeat had. Their baby. How could a child created by a love like this be
a mistake? he asked himself soberly.

"Does it hurt?" he asked in concern when the baby
kicked againwith both feet this time, Dustin decided.

Elise shook her head against the pillow. "No. It feels
odd, but it doesn't really hurt."

He couldn't resist leaning down to press his lips to her stomach.
When he lifted his head, Elise looked shaken. She moistened her lips, cleared
her throat and asked rather abruptly, "Are you ready for dinner? I'm
getting hungry."

He thought rather wistfully of the activity the baby had
interruptedand his throbbing body rebelled when he conceded that her mood had
obviously been broken. Stifling a sigh, he sat up. "I'm starving," he
lied. Well, no, it wasn't really a lie, he mentally qualified. He was starving.
Just not for food.

He was finding out firsthand something he'd always
suspected. Being in love could be extremely uncomfortable.

 

' This is nice Elise. Try this one on."

"You've got to be kidding."

"No, really. What's wrong with it?"

"Dustin, it has ruffles. Can you really see me
in a ruffled pink dress designed by Omar the Happy Tent-maker?"

Shrugging in resignation, Dustin hung the pink ruffled
maternity dress back on the rack. Elise held up a simple navy A-line with a
white collar and cuffs. "Now

this one's not so bad--for a garment that would house a family
of five.

Dustin chuckled. "Something tells me you're not getting
into the spirit of this thing. They're maternity clothes, darling. You can't
expect wasp waists."

"Any waist would be nice," she sighed, glancing
down at her blossoming figure.

"You look gorgeous," Dustin told her, sounding
utterly sincere.

Clearing her throat, she picked up a red-and-white striped
maternity sweater. "I still don't see the need to buy that many maternity
things. The baby's due in three months, after all."

"Three months is going to seem like a long time if
you're wearing the same two tops and one pair of drawstring pants every
day," he answered logically. "It'll make you feel better to have
choices. Besides," he added with a teasing twinkle in his eyes, "you
can always use them again."

"Don't even joke about that," she informed him
through gritted teeth. She threw the sweater at him. "Here. Hold
this."

He added it to the stack already draped over one arm, wisely
swallowing the laughter she knew lay just beneath the surface of his
deliberately bland smile. Something was different about Dustin today. Something
she couldn't quite define. It seemed the change had come about the day before,
when he'd felt the baby kick for the first time. She admitted it had been a
rather staggering moment they'd shared, but she wished she knew what Dustin was
thinking today. She couldn't begin to read the expression in his eyes when she
turned her head to find him looking at her with a tender half smile that curled
her toes.

The mall was crowded on this first weekend in December, the
sounds of chattering shoppers not quite drowning out the Christmas carols
playing in each gaily decorated store. Declaring she had more than enough
maternity clothes to last the remaining three months, Elise insisted that
Dustin then shop for himself. His wardrobe, like her own, had proven inadequate
for their current life-stylehe'd ripped a two hundred dollar sweater while
trying to rehang a crooked window shutterand she ordered him to buy several
brightly colored flannel shirts and sturdy pairs of jeans. He shook his head
when she pointed to a pair of work gloves hanging on a wall display. Elise had
suspected for several weeks that Dustin was rather proud of the calluses
developing on his formerly smooth hands. Would she ever understand him?

He patiently tagged along behind her, his arms stacked with
packages as she browsed through silk scarves and expensive perfumes. She
purchased one of each for Christmas presents for Ariel and Maria. "Do you
think we should buy gifts for Karen and Darrell's kids?" she asked at one
point, frowning at a merchandise-packed toy store. "Not that I'd know what
to buy."

"We'll get them something, but let's wait and shop in Hot Springs," he suggested. "We have plenty of time. Christmas is still almost
three weeks away."

"I suppose you're right. And that will give me a chance
to ask Karen what they might like. I know she and Darrell have been slipping
around for weeks picking up Santa Claus things and hiding them all over their
house."

"Yeah. Darrell's got a bike for A.J. hidden in the
storeroom at our place." He didn't seem aware of how easily he referred to
the lake house as "theirs," but Elise noticed. "They're really
going all out for this, aren't they? Darrell says it will take them months to
pay off the charge cards they use only at Christmastime."

Thinking of all those expensive gifts Maria had purchased
for her over the years, Elise wondered if Karen's children would be even more
thrilled with their discount store toys than Elise had ever been with her
designer labels. She suspected that they would. Would they be able to sense the
love accompanying each present, the sacrifices their parents would make to
ensure the children would have a memorable Christmas?

Karen and Darrell were teaching her so many lessons, she
thought soberly. About commitment and friendship and parenthood. About herself.
What a snob she'd been before! The woman she'd been in Atlanta would never have
even allowed herself to be taught anything by such an unsophisticated,
unpretentious blue-collar couple. She was learning that Maria's implications
that money measured character were wrong. Could it be that Maria had been wrong
about many things?

But this wasn't something she wanted to think about in a
crowded shopping mall. "I'm hungry again," she announced, turning a
deliberately bright smile toward Dustin, who still watched her every move.

He grinned. "Again? You're sure you're only eating for
two?"

She tossed her head. "Just shut up and find me some
food, will you?"

He nodded his golden head, his blue eyes dancing. "As
you wish." The line was a quote from The Princess Bride, a movie
they'd rented a few months before and watched at his place in Atlanta while
eating Chinese dishes straight from the take-out cartons. Smiling at the
memory, Elise followed Dustin into a cafeteria, one of the few choices of
restaurants this particular mall had to offer.

It was while they were eating their lunch that Elise was
startled to hear her name. "Elise Webber? I can't believe it! What are you
doing here?"

Turning her head, she spotted the tall, dark man staring at
her in delighted surprise. "Layne! What are you doing in Arkansas?"

"I live here. I'm news director for one of the local
stations."

"That's wonderful. Oh, Dustin, this is Layne McNeil. He
and I both majored in broadcasting at the same University."

Dustin extended his hand, greeting Layne with his usual
polite ease, though Elise thought in exasperation that Dustin looked like a dog
whose bone was being eyed by another canine. "How's your wife,
Layne?" Elise asked pointedly, the words directed as much to-ward Dustin
as to her old friend.

Layne smiled. "Toni's fine. She's pregnant again. Our
second." He eyed Elise's lapor the place where her lap had once been.
"Your first?"

Elise nodded without elaborating.,

"That's nice. Kids are great. You know, I heard you
left the station in Atlanta, but no one seemed to know the reason. Taking some
time off for the baby?"

Again, Elise nodded. "Yes."

"Well, say, you're not by any chance relocating to Arkansas, are you? 'Cause if you are, and if you're going to be looking for a job, I've got
an anchor position coming open in a few months, when the current anchor's
contract runs out. I'd just about sell my body to have you on my team. What do
you say?"

Disconcerted, Elise hesitated. "IumI don't know,
Layne. I hadn't really thought ofwell, things are a little unorganized right
now," she admitted. "I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing in a few
months."

He glanced again at her stomach. "Yeah, I understand.
But think about it, okay? Our weather reported had a baby earlier this year and
she's handling every-thing just fine. And Toni's still workingshe's a partner
in an accounting firm. We'd be real flexible if you need time off to stay with
a sick kid or anything like that, and I think we can compete fairly well with
the salary you were drawing in Atlanta."

'That's quite a sales pitch," Dustin commented in
apparent amusement.

Layne shrugged rather sheepishly. "Elise is the
best," he said simply. "Guaranteed number one in the Arbitrons,"
he added, referring to the TV rating figures used primarily to sell
advertising. "I need her."

Get in line, buddy. Dustin glanced at Elise, noting
that, despite her apparent surprise at McNeil's offer, she still looked
intrigued. And she'd tried to convince himand herselfthat her real interest
was to go national. Sure. Then why the sparkle in her eyes at the mere
possibility of an opportunity at another local anchor position? He had no doubt
that she could get a job wherever she wanted, whenever she wanted. As attorney,
he could also relocate just about anywhere But would she want him to be with
her after she launched herself back into her career, or was she still
anticipating a solo flight to the top?

The question troubled him for the remainder of their weekend
in Little Rock, lingering to nag at the back of his mind after their return to
the lakeside house he'd begun to call home. And he knew he couldn't live with
the uncertainty. He had to do something soon, before he drove himself insane
with worry.

 

"ELISE, I WANT TO TALK to you," Dustin said on
Tuesday morning, interrupting her as she applied her makeup. Her doctor
appointment was scheduled for later that day and she was wearing the
red-and-white sweater with red maternity slacks, the colors accenting her dark
hair and eyes and putting a becoming flush on her cheeks. She looked beautiful,
he thought with a familiar pang. And he prayed for the right words to get him
through the next few minutes, knowing how im-portant those minutes would be to
his future.

She set her mascara on the countertop and turned to him.
"What about?"

"About us. About the baby."

The wary look he'd come to recognize immediately shadowed
her eyes. "What about us?"

He glanced around in frustration. Dammit, he hadn't meant to
propose in the bathroom. But she looked so beautifuland so damned distant. He
hadn't been able to wait another minute. He turned back to her, knowing his
heart was in his eyes if only she took the care to see, "I want to get
married," he blurted bravely.

She stood very still for a long moment, her eyes wide,
cheeks going pale. And then asked tentatively, "To me?"

Exhaling in exasperation, he shoved his hands into the
pockets of his jeans. "No, to your mother. Of course to you, Elise! I want
us to be married. Now."

She reached out for the counter, clutching it as if to hold
herself upright. "Why?"

"Wellbecause." He wasn't handling this very well,
he thought with a wince. But then, he'd never done anything like this before.
Never even planned to do anything like this. Shoving his hand through his hair,
he tried again. "Elise, Iwe get along very well, always have. We have a
great deal in common, similar tastes and interests. I haven't looked at another
woman since I met you and that's a first for me. This time together here in Arkansas has been great. Iwell, I've, gotten used to being with you, Elise. I don't like
the thought of living alone again after we leave here."

She didn't exactly look swept off her feet, he decided,
watching her through his lashes as he spoke. He really was making a mess of
this. Maybe he should have waited until later. A candlelight dinner, champagne
well, milk for herhim down on one knee. But he'd started and he gamely
struggled on. "Besides," he said on a rush of inspiration.
"There's the baby."

"What about the baby?" Her voice was little more
than a breath.

"Ever since I felt it kickbefore that, really, when I
first heard it's heartbeatI haven't been able to bear the thought of you
giving our child away. I thought I could accept that decision if you made it,
but now I know I can't. It would haunt me for the rest of my life. And I think
you feel the same way, if only you'd admit it. Is think the reason you can't
discuss adoption is that you know deep down inside that would be the wrong move
for us. We can raise this baby, Elise. We can give it a good home, be good
parents to it. We've watched Karen and Darrell. They get by. We can, too."

"You want this baby?" Elise repeated
weakly, her hand on her stomach.

"Very much," he said gruffly. "I know we
didn't plan it, that I always said I didn't want a child, but I've changed my
mind. I love this child, Elise. And...I love you."

If it were possible, her cheeks bleached even more. Her grip
tightened on the counter until her knuckles shone stark white. "Don't say
that."

"Why?" he asked softly, his heart contracting.

"Because youyou're not thinking clearly," she
whispered. "You've gotten carried away with circum-stances, been affected
by the emotionalism of my condition. You never wanted marriage before, you know
you didn't. Once...once you've thought about it more seriously, you'll be glad
that I said no."

His stomach clenched to match his tight throat. "You're
saying no?"

She met his eyes pleadingly. "I have to. Iwe can't
make a decision like this so abruptly. We have to have more time to think about
what we want, what we need from our futures. Our careers."

He snorted. "To hell with the careers. This has nothing
to do with our jobs. Neither of our jobs has to be affected by our marriage.
This has to do with us and our baby. With your fears of making a commitment,
and of raising a child."

"All right, I'll admit it!" she snapped, releasing
the counter to cross her arms tightly over her chest. "I'm afraid. I'm
afraid of giving up everything I've worked for, everything I always thought I
wanted from life. Of disappointing you and failing this baby. I don't know
anything about raising children. I've made one mistake by allowing this child
to be conceived by accident. I don't want to make a worse mistake by trying to
raise it and doing a lousy job of it."

He tried to tell himself he understood. Hadn't he known she
wasn't ready? Hadn't he known she was frightened and confused? Dammit, hadn't
he known better than to rush her, despite his own fears? But he intended to
make one thing perfectly clear. "I love you, Elise. I believe in you.
Nothing could make me happier than to marry you and raise this child with you.
But, whatever you decide about us, you're not giving our baby away. If you
honestly don't want it, then I'll take it. You won't have to worry about either
of us interfering with your precious career. But you're not giving it
away."

"You" The word was said on a gasp. She stopped
and cleared her throat. "You intend to raise a child by yourself?
How?"

"I'll worry about that. If you don't want it, you can
rest assured that it will be well cared for with me." His jaw was set in
determination.

Her own chin squared. "This decision is mine to make.
The mother has the final rights in cases such as this."

His eyes narrowed at the veiled threat, though he reminded
himself that she was striking out in fear, much like a helpless, cornered
animal. "I don't think you really want to discuss court action right now,
do you?" he asked silkily.

Her own eyes widened. "You'd take me to court?"

"I'll do whatever I have to do." Suddenly
impatient with their senseless quarrel, he pulled his hands from his pockets
and caught her forearms. "Look, I know I've screwed this up in a major
way. I've frightened you, and I didn't mean to. It's just that this means so
much to me that I can't be smooth and cautious about it. I love you. Do you
believe that?"

She moistened her lips. "I believe that you believe it
right now," she conceded. "But I wonder if it's really me you wantor
the baby."

"You can't think I'd be marrying you only because of
the baby. If that were true, I'd have proposed as soon as you told me you were
pregnant," he argued.

Her head tilted in a proud little gesture that made him
ache. "If you'd really wanted to marry me, you'd have said something before
I told you I was pregnant."

Touché. "But I didn't know then," he tried weakly.
"I've only come to realize it during these past few weeks, while we've
been living here together."

He could tell she wasn't convinced. Hell. Now she thought he
had proposed to her out of a sudden desire for a convenient package dealwife
and baby, all at once. How could he convince her that he loved her with every
fiber of his body and soul, that his love was more than enough for her and their
child?

"Dustin, please. Let's not talk about this anymore
right now. II can't deal with it right now."

Studying her pale cheeks, he reluctantly, guiltily
surrendered. "When will you be ready?" he couldn't resist asking.

"I don't know," she answered unsteadily. "I
have to think. Promise you won't push me during the next three months. If
you're going to push me, upset me over this, I'll have to go back to Atlanta." "I'll try not to push you," he promised quickly. "But I
won't stop loving you, and I'm going to do my best to show you how good it
could be between us."

She squirmed out of his loose clasp, putting the width of
the bathroom between them. "Just don't push me," she repeated
tightly.

"One question."

Looking ready to bolt, she hesitated in the doorway.
"What?" she asked suspiciously.

He took a deep breath. "Do you love me?"

She dropped her eyes, refusing to look at him. "I
I" They both heard the telephone ringing in the other room. "I have
to answer the phone," she blurted, turning to hurry out of the room.

Dustin slumped against the wall, slapping the side of his
head with his open palm. What a jerk. How Nathan would laugh had he heard the
mess Dustin had just made of everything. No wonder Elise thought he'd lost his
mind.

And yet she couldn't tell him that she didn't love him, he
reminded himself with a renewed spark of optimism. He still had a chance. All
he could do now was to go on loving her, make himself so indispensable to her
that she'd eventually have to admit that she loved him. Please, God, let her
love me. And then, somehow, have her find the courage to admit it.

 

TRYING TO LOOK BUSY until it was time to leave for the
doctor's office, Elise scrubbed busily at the already sparkling microwave
before turning her attention to the equally clean countertop. Her mind was not
on the work her frenetically diligent hands were doing, but on Dustin's wholly
unexpected marriage proposal. In the bathroom, of all places!

He'd said he was in love with her. Was he? Her heart rate
increased dramatically at the very idea. Dustin loved her. Or at least he
thought he did for now. I've gotten used to being with you, Elise. Was
that love?

He wanted the baby. Or at least he thought he did for now.
He had threatened to take her to court if necessaryand she knew Dustin well
enough to realize that he didn't make empty threats. But would he still be so
certain he'd made the right decision when faced with the reality of a
demanding, totally dependent time-consuming infant?

She had to admit, if only to herself, that her feelings for
the baby growing inside her had changed, too, in the past weeks. She cared so
deeply for that helpless little person that she ached. Which, she told herself
firmly, was exactly why she was so concerned with doing the right thing for
it. Should she marry Dustin, take the risk that a marriage based on these
difficult circumstances would last, as Karen and Darrell's had? If Dustin
changed his mind after they were married, or if they found that marriage was
all wrong for them, would a broken home be permanently traumatizing for the
child? Would the baby be as devastated as Elise suspected that she would
be?

What was she going to do? She couldn't give the baby away
without Dustin's approval. As he'd pointed out more than once, it was his
child. Morallyand prob-ably legallyhe had as much right to make that decision
as she did. It had been hard enough to think about giving her baby to strangers
before. Maybe she'd known all along that she wouldn't give her baby away. Maybe
she'd only wanted to believe the option was availablea security net, of
sorts.

Dustin had found the strength to acknowledge aloud that he
wanted this child, that he believed they would be good parents for it. Whatever
his motivations, she admired his courage. Was she brave enough to confess that
she, too, had changed during the past months? To accept the responsibility of
parenthood, knowing everything that could go wrong? To admit how very much she
wanted to believe in Dustin's declaration of love, to trust that those feelings
wouldn't change with the passing of time?

It was time for her to do some serious thinking. Not about
what Dustin wanted or what Maria recommended, but about what Elise Webber
wanted and needed for her future. But how was she to know what decision was the
right onefor her, and for all the others involved? Covering her face with her
damp hands, she took a long, shuddering breath, momentarily overwhelmed by the
magnitude of the decisions facing her.




10

 

"Everything LOOKS GOOD," Dr. Freeman announced
toward the end of Elise's visit with him that afternoon as Dustin watched from
his place in the corner. "The baby's still rather small, though. How sure
are you about your delivery date?"

My doctor in Atlanta seemed convinced that I was nearly
three months along when I saw her for the first time," Elise replied.

"You don't think there's anything wrong, do you?"
Dustin asked anxiously.

Dr. Freeman shook his head reassuringly. "As I said,
everything looks fine. But I'd like to run an ultrasound just to make
sure."

"That's not the test where you stick a needle in her
belly button, is it?" Dustin asked suspiciously. He'd heard of that
procedure, and knew there was some risk

involved.

The doctor smiled. "That's called amniocentesis. I
don't think we need to do that just now. The ultra-sound test uses sound waves
to give us a picture of the

Elise nodded. "I'm familiar with it. I've heard friends
talk about it."

"It's a very simple procedure," Dr. Freeman
assured her, "There's no pain or discomfort involved, no danger to you or
the baby. In fact, it's quite fascinating. We'll schedule the test for your
next visit in three weeksafter New Year's. If you're correct in your
calculations, you'll be seven months along. We should be able to pinpoint the
delivery date more specifically by then."

"You don't think we need to run the test before
then?" Dustin asked, still a bit worried.

"I promise you, Mr. Chandler, if I thought there was
any reason to be concerned, I'd be doing every test I know. But yourumMs
Webber is quite healthy and the baby's growing and moving, its heartbeat strong
and steady. I only want to double-check the other doctor's calculations.
Okay?"

Dustin nodded. "All right."

Elise rolled her eyes in exasperation at being left out of
that discussion altogether. "That's all then?" she asked, pushing
herself upright and pulling her maternity top down over her stomach.

Dr. Freeman nodded. "Oh, and I'm giving you some
information on Lamaze classes at the hospital. Most people start at about seven
months. You'll probably both want to attend if you plan to be involved in the
delivery."

It was the first time it had occurred to either Dustin or
Elise that he had the option of actually being in the delivery room to watch
the baby's birth. Both of them knew that nothing would keep him away from that
particular event.

"Thank you. Dr. Freeman," he said quietly, looking
steadily at Elise. She returned the look for a long, taut moment before pulling
her gaze away, shaken by that communication.

 

The NEXT TWO WEEKS passed quickly. As he'd promised, Dustin
didn't push for an answer to his proposal but, as he'd warned, he didn't quite
let her forget it, either. He seemed to delight in casually dropping phrases
such as "when we're married" and "on our first wedding
anniversary" into conversation, and he tried frequently to draw her into
discussions about the baby. She managed not to allow him to manipulate her into
those subjects, but it was getting harder all the time to remain detached.

It was also getting harder not to think about his proposal.
The haunting questions plagued her during the middle of the night, during
meals, while doing laundry. Did Dustin really love her, or was he simply
carried away by circumstances? Were these strong, terrifying, probably
permanent feelings she had for him all a part of being in love? Were her
scrambled hormones responsible for her secret longings to accept his proposal,
believe all his promises, put her trust and her future into his hands? And what
about her career? Her plans of successful independence? Her sheer terror at the
thought of being someone's mother?

She was beginning to have a lot of headaches, as those
questions pounded relentlessly against her temples. And, dammit, she was afraid
to take anything in case it wasn't good for the baby. The next three months
seemed to stretch endlessly ahead of her.



Dustin threw himself into Christmas preparations with a
boyish zeal that Elise reluctantly found endearing. He bought a tree and they
decorated it together. They shopped for gifts to ship to friends in Atlanta and to Dustin's aunt, uncle and adopted cousin in Tennessee. They bought gifts for
each other, on separate shopping trips, then carefully hid them. And they
bought presents for the O'Malleys, Karen and Darrell, and A.J., Bo, and Micah.

"What do you think? A.J. should like this one,
shouldn't she?" Dustin asked, holding up a fourteen-inch doll with long
blond curls, big blue eyes and an elaborately ruffled gingham frock.

"She's lovely," Elise agreed. "But Karen said
A.J. was into Barbie dolls and accessories this year."

Dustin shrugged and put the blond doll in the shopping cart.
"So we'll get her both. Every little girl needs a doll like this one. See,
her eyes close when you lay her down."

"I suppose you think every little boy needs a toy dump
truck, too," Elise challenged him. He grinned unrepentantly.
"Yep."

"Sexist."

"Come on, Elise, what did you play with most when you
were a little girldolls or dump trucks?"

"Dolls," she admitted sheepishly. "And Maria
made every possible effort to raise me in a nonsexist way. She bought me
chemistry sets, microscopes, race tracks, erector setsbut I loved my Barbie
dolls. Still," she added defensively, "I always made my Barbie a
successful career woman."

Smiling, Dustin nodded to make his point. "Right. And I
had a doll named Bobo that I lugged around everywherebut Bobo and I played
with my toy dump trucks. Maybe it's something society does to kids, but
children tend to choose the traditional toys when given a choice."

"Oh, and you're suddenly the expert on children?"
Elise scoffed, one hand on her hip as she eyed him skeptically.

He shrugged. "Just observation. Look around us. Check
out the aisles the girls are in, and the ones the boys prefer."

"I believe in giving children freedom to choose, but 1
also think you have to make all the options available," Elise announced,
surreptitiously eyeing the rapturous expression on the face of a little girl
standing in front of the Barbie display. "Those parents who refuse to
allow their sons to play with dolls or their daughters to play with footballs
are doing their children a great disservice."

"I agree." Dustin picked up a soft yellow fabric
bunny and tossed it into the shopping cart.

"Who's that for? Micah?"

Smiling smugly, Dustin shook his head and patted her
stomach, then moved quickly out of range as he answered, "That's for our
baby. Boy or girl, it needs something soft to snuggle."

"Dustin" But he was already out of hearing,
engaged in a serious conversation with the little girl at the Barbie display,
seemingly asking her advice on a purchase for A.J. Elise reached for the bunny,
intending to place it firmly back on the shelf, but something made her sigh and
leave it alone. Dustin would just get another one, she reasoned, shoving the
cart toward where he stood. He'd proven to be a very stubborn man.

 

"Merry Christmas, darling." Sitting beside her on
the couch, Dustin handed her a small, beautifully wrapped package as he spoke.
On a romantic whim, he'd turned off all the lights before they'd begun
exchanging presents after the Christmas dinner they'd prepared together. The
only illumination in the room came from the many brightly colored bulbs
adorning the nearby tree. Instrumental carols played softly from the stereo,
adding to the intimacy of the evening. Elise felt herself being thoroughly
seduced, her body already quickening in anticipation of the evening's
conclusion.

The expression in his shadowed eyes made her accept this
present rather nervously, though she'd already opened several from himher
favorite perfume, a leather wallet, a lace-trimmed nightgown full enough to
wear through her pregnancy, yet lovely enough to wear anytime. Her gifts to him
lay beside hima new intrigue novel he'd mentioned, his favorite cologne,
an-impossibly soft sweater the exact color of his eyes, supple leather gloves.
He'd exclaimed over each item as if he'd wanted it all his life. But something
told her the gift in her hands would make all the other things pale in
significance.

"Open it," he urged her gently, seeming to sense
her hesitation.

The heart-shaped locket was made of gold, the diamond in the
center glittering with the multicolored reflections of flickering Christmas
tree lights. Cautiously she opened the locket, not quite knowing what to
expect. There was no photograph. Instead three words were engraved inside.
"Believe in us,"

"Dustin, it's exquisite," she whispered huskily.
"But"

"No buts," he interrupted, taking the necklace
from her to fasten the delicate chain around her throat. "And you don't
have to say anything. I just wanted you to have it."

She closed her eyes with a heartfelt sigh. How much longer
could she resist him? And how would she go on without him when he returned to
the carefree, foot-loose bachelor life-style he'd enjoyed before nature and her
carelessness had pulled him into a commitment he'd never sought before? The
kind of commitment he'd so very carefully avoided.

Believe in us. How she wished she could. Dustin
skillfully changed the subject, giving her time to recover before expecting a
comment on the necklace. "Did you enjoy your talk with your mother this
afternoon?"

Her hand still clasped around the locket, Elise nodded.
"Yes. It's our first Christmas apart. It seems strange."

"Do you regret turning down my offer to take you home
for the holidays?"

She shook her head. "No. I didn't want to go back to Atlanta yet. But..."

"But?" he prodded.

"I thought my mother might want to come here. I invited
her, of course, but she said she simply had too many projects going at once,
that she couldn't leave the office for more than today."

Dustin didn't comment, though a muscle twitched in his jaw
and his eyes mirrored his disapproval of Marla's choice. "What about
Ariel? Have you talked to her lately?"

"Not since last week. She and Glenn spent Thanksgiving
with his family, so they're spending Christmas with hers. They still seem very
happy."

"Good for them." He idly brushed a strand of hair
away from her eye. "Did I tell you that I talked to Nathan this morning?"
She shook her head.

"While you were in the shower I called to tell him
Merry Christmas. Trisha's pregnant. They've been trying for several months. She
told him this morning for a Christmas present. He was ecstatic."

"That's.. .wonderful," Elise said faintly.
Dustin's best friend was probably serving as further influence for his present
thinking that marriage and babies were the ultimate state of bliss. After all,
hadn't Elise been aware of the faintest ripple of envy when talking to her own
very happily married best friend? Domestic cheer was obviously contagious. Too
bad it didn't always last.

"Do you like the locket?" Dustin disconcerted her
by asking rather abruptly.

"Yes," she answered with simple honesty. "I
love it."

"And I love you," he murmured, leaning forward to
kiss her lingeringly. "Merry Christmas, Elise."

"Merry" She swallowed. "Merry Christmas,
Dustin." Would it be their only Christmas together? Or the first of many?
It was frightening to realize just how much she wanted it to be the latter.

His eyes still locked with hers, Dustin stood, holding his
hand out to her. She placed hers into it, allowing him to draw her to her feet.
Dustin pulled her into his arms, kissing her with a growing hunger to which she
responded as she always didhelplessly. He held her easily, not seeming to
notice that it was no longer possible for them to stand as closely together as
they once did. If her changing figure bothered him, it wasn't evident in the
slow, savoring path his hands made from her nape to her hips and around to cup
her heavy breasts.

"Let me love you, Elise. I want to so much."

"Yes," she whispered, drawing away to move toward
the stairs leading to the bedroom loft. "I want you, too."

"No." He stopped her with a gentle hand on her
shoulder. His smile was lovingly playful. "I've always wanted to make love
beside a twinkling Christmas tree."

"You mean you haven't?"

"No." He stroked her cheek. "I was waiting
for someone very special for that particular fantasy. Waiting for you."

Covering his hand with hers, she kissed his palm. 'Then by
all means," she murmured, smiling up at him.

The sound he made was half laugh, half groan. "If you
only knew what you do to me when you look at me that way."

"Show me," she challenged him boldly.

He did. Thoroughly. Fervently. Exquisitely. He undressed her
slowly, kissing every exposed inch of skin until she shivered mindlessly in his
arms. Sinking to the carpet, he held her hips as he kissed her more intimately,
causing her to clutch his shoulders and cry out with the almost painful need he
skillfully aroused in her. When her knees would no longer support her, he
lowered her tenderly down to him. Kneeling face-to-face, they kissed again and
again, lips clinging, tongues parrying, hands stroking. And then Dustin sank backward,
drawing her with him.

Straddling his thighs, she lowered herself slowly, so slowly
onto him. Elise drew the moment out until he moaned her name pleadingly, his
body glistening with multicolored beads of perspiration. She lifted and fell,
lifted and fell, until Dustin was buried deeply within her. They both sighed
with pleasure, remaining still to savor the sensations as long as possible
before their clamoring bodies urged them on. Dustin's hands on her hips guided
her into a relentless rhythm that drove them both higher and higher. Her
breasts heaving with her panting breaths, Elise arched backward when the spasms
began, strengthening in intensity until she cried out incoherently. Dustin's
hoarse groan sounded only moments later, his body shuddering as he emptied
himself into her.

Cradling her at his side, Dustin waited until their
breathing eased somewhat before attempting to speak. "I love you,
Elise."

"Dustin." She turned her face into his shoulder,
wanting so badly to believe the words, to return them. She couldn't yet. But
maybe, just maybe there would come a day when she could, she thought with the
first stirring of hope.

 

"Caleb. Do you like Caleb, Elise?"

Elise kept her eyes fixed on the stationery in front of her
on the dining table, her pen faltering only for a moment in its path across the
floral-bordered sheet. "I'm not going to discuss this, Dustin. I'm writing
a letter."

Undaunted by her cool tone, he turned a few pages in the
baby name book he was reading through. She'd been pretty much ignoring him ever
since he'd returned from an impromptu shopping trip with Darell. They'd gone to
buy antifreeze. Dustin had returned with a bassinet, a car seat and an infant
layette"the things we'll need first," he'd said when Elise had stared
openmouthed at his purchases. She'd started to say something, then stopped,
given him "that look" and turned away.

"I would have waited for you to pick these things out
with me, but there was a one-day-only sale at the mall," he'd explained.
Actually he had bought these things as part of his determined campaign to get
her to acknowledge that their baby was real, would be arriving soon, and could
expect a warm welcome from at least one of its parents. It pleased him that
he'd come back from the bathroom after dinner to find Elise holding one of the
tiny yellow nightgowns, though she'd dropped it immediately when she'd looked
up to find him watching her. Again she hadn't commented, sticking with her
apparent decision to simply ignore his tactics.

"Ethan. How does that sound?"

She mumbled something unintelligible and kept writing.
Determined to elicit a response from her, he read out a few other namesall of
which she ignored. And then, "Tanner! Hey, I like that one. What do you
think about naming the baby Tanner if it's a boy?"

He thought she was going to let that one pass without
comment, too. But then she looked up with a frown. "Tanner Chandler?
That's terrible."

He tried to look suitably crestfallen, which wasn't easy
since he wanted to laugh aloud. She had been listening! And she'd
automatically assigned the baby his last name. "You're right. I hadn't put
it together like that."

Seemingly annoyed with herself for responding, she turned
back to her letter.

"Well, if it is a boy and if you should
happen to decide to keep it, what would you like to name it?" Dustin asked
casually, though his eyes never left her face. "I'm trying to concentrate
on my letter," she all but snapped.

"Fine. I'll leave you alone."

"Thank you."

Dustin turned to the list of girls' names. He'd start
reading some of those in a few minutes, he decided. He wondered how she'd feel
about Emily.

"Seth."

Not certain he'd heard her correctly, he looked up. She was
still looking down at her letter. "I beg your pardon?"

"Seth," she muttered, still without looking at
him. "I've always liked the name Seth."

His throat tightened. "Yeah. That's nice," he
managed, trying to sound normal. "Seth Chandler. Nice and solid."

She mumbled something and ducked her head even lower. God,
how he loved her.

He'd save the girls' names for later, he decided. Sometimes
he had to be content with any small step forward he could manage.

 

ELISE ALMOST FELL the next day. Stepping off the front porch
as she followed Dustin outside, her foot slipped from beneath her. Dustin
whirled and grabbed for her, but she would have fallen the twelve or thirteen
inches to the ground had she not managed to clutch the rail and steady herself.
His face pale, Dustin fussed over her, assuring himself over and over that she
was all right. She tried to tell him that he was overreacting, but her own
heart raced furiously in her chest. Sitting there the edge of the porch,
Dustin's arm around her, she laced her hand on her stomach and acknowledged to
herself that her first panicky thoughts as she'd started to fall had been for
the baby.

She wrapped both arms around her stomach and closed her
eyes, leaning into Dustin's solid strength as realized how deeply and
subconsciously she'd come love the tiny being who kicked contentedly inside
her, trusting in her to take care of its needs and safety, only she could
believe that trust was well placed. That she'd somehow find the wisdom to know
what was best for that babyand for its so-very-special father.

 

DUSTIN AGREED with Dr. Freeman. Ultrasound was
fascinating. Two days after New Year's, he stared transfixed at the monitor
beside the bed on which Elise lay as a skillful technician rolled a
microphone-shaped instrument across Elise's bare stomach. The gray images on
the monitor quite clearly showed a baby, complete with two arms and two legs
and...

"What's that?" Dustin demanded, pointing to the
lower portion of the baby's anatomy.

"That, Mr. Chandler, is your son," the
technician,

Millie, announced with a grin. "You can't always tell,
but this picture's as clear as they get. That baby's a boy."

Dustin sat down heavily on the stool provided for his use.
"A boy," he whispered.

Craning her neck, Elise also stared at that active, rather
abstract image on the screen. A boy. A little blond boy with vivid blue eyes?
Or a little boy with dark hair and brown eyes? Her throat tightened. Oh,
God. What have we done?

"Look at that. He's sucking his thumb," Millie
commented with a chuckle. "A lot of them do that. And look at those legs
kick. Feel that, Ms Webber?"

"Yes." Elise swallowed as she watched the baby
lose its thumb, kick furiously as if in temper and then work the thumb back
into its tiny mouth. She could even see the jaw moving with the suckling.
Modern medicine was certainly amazing, she thought, trying to maintain some
emotional distance from that screen image. Failing miserably.

"I'd say seven months is correct," Millie
announced after taking some computer measurements. "The baby's small, but
not unusually so. I'd guess he'll weigh in at around seven pounds at birth. And
I'm getting pretty good at that sort of thing," she added proudly. "I
was within eight ounces of one born last week. I'd guessed eight and a half
pounds. The little girl weighed nine. But her mother's a lot bigger than you
are, Ms Webber, so don't you be worried about this baby's size. He looks just
perfect. I've taped this for you. Do you have a VCR?"

Elise nodded, her eyes still fixed on the screen.

"You can show the tape to your friends and family, if
you like. Makes it a lot more real this way, doesn't it?"

"You could say that," Elise agreed somewhat dryly.
She and Dustin were going to have a baby boy.

And, heaven help her, she loved them both.

 

THEY'D BEEN HOME only a few minutes when Elise took a deep
breath and faced Dustin. "I've made a decision."

He eyed her warily. "What is it?"

"I'm not giving the baby away. I'm keeping
ithim."

Six months, even three months earlier, Dustin would have
been surprised by that decision. Not now. "Damn right you're not giving
him away. He's ours."

Six months, even three months earlier, Elise would have been
surprised by his response. Not now. She nodded. "Fine. Weumwe have
plenty of time to make arrangements for visitation and support and"

"Forget that. We're getting married. We're raising this
baby together."

She shook her head stubbornly. "We've discussed this
already. I will not be married because I got pregnant."

"And I've told you that I intend to marry you be-cause
I love you. The baby is just a bonus, as far as I'm concerned,"

Elise exhaled gustily. Why wouldn't he listen to reason?
Couldn't he understand why she'd question his motivations for suddenly wanting
to be married years of conscientiously avoiding that state? Perhaps it sounded
nice to him nowparticularly now that he'd actually seen the baby's imagebut
for how long would he be content with the reality of marriage and children? No
longer free to pursue any woman who attracted his interest, having to account
to someone for his whereabouts so she wouldn't worry, having to consult his
wife before making evening or weekend plans in case their schedules conflicted.

And then there was the reality of a babytwo o'clock feedings, teething, chickenpox, school programs, parent-teacher conferences. The
elegant, sophisticated Dustin Chandler with regurgitated formula on his Armani
lapel? The image would have been enough to make her laugh had she not felt so
very much like crying.

Moving suddenly, Dustin caught her forearms in his hands,
looking down at her with piercing intensity. "You're so concerned with my
feelings that you won't discuss your own," he accused her. "Do you
really think marriage would be such a mistake for us?"

Did she? She wished she knew. "Maybe," she
conceded slowly, "it would work out if we were both absolutely sure it was
what we wanted."

"I'm absolutely sure. What about you?" All she was
absolutely sure of was that failing at a marriage with Dustin, watching him
become disillusioned and restless until he eventually left in pursuit of his
old bachelor pleasures, would tear her apart. Despite his breezy assurances
now, would he be able to guarantee that would never happen? And would he be
able to convince her if he tried to do so? "I don't know," she
whispered.

His jaw took on that stubborn set that was beginning to
appear more and more frequently. "All right, I'll wait. But I won't leave.
Unless you can tell me that you want me out of your life, I have no intention
of living apart from you again. Do you want me out of your life now,
Elise?"

"No," she answered without hesitation. She could never
willingly send him away. Not as long as he was content to be with her. But
neither could she let down her defenses enough to marry him, to trust that he
would be there forever. As long as she remained prepared for his eventual
departure, maybe she could handle it without falling apart. Maybe. "I
don't want you to go."

He nodded curtly, though his fingers seemed to relax their
grip on her shoulders. "Fine. Maybe when we've lived together ten or
twelve years, you'll realize that we belong together. That we may as well be
married. Now I think you should go rest a while. You look tired."

She started to protest his rather autocratic suggestion, but
decided not to. She was tired. Mentally and physically. The escape of
sleep sounded very tempting just then.

She started to step away from him, only to have him pull her
into his arms for a long, hard kiss. When she opened her eyes afterward, it was
to find him smiling down at her with an almost painfully tender expression.
"We're going to have a son, Elise," he murmured huskily.

"I know," she whispered, her voice strained. The
way Dustin was looking at her now, it would be so easy to believe that he loved
both her and the baby. So very easy. That look remained in the back of her mind
as she drifted into sleep a few minutes later, warming her more snugly than the
soft comforter she'd draped over her.




11

 

THE WEEK FOLLOWING the ultrasound test was the most peaceful
Elise had known in a long time. The decision that had been weighing so heavily
had been made, and the relief was almost overwhelming. She and Dustin began to
talk about the baby, discussing names, child-rearing theories, religious
training, education. Still immersed in the research he was doing for Nathan,
Dustin managed to find plenty of time to be with Elise, taking walks, driving
into Hot Springs to shop for baby items or go to movies, hovering around her
when a January ice storm left slick patches on the porch and ground.

Elise kept herself busy with child-care manuals, asking
hundreds of questions of a patiently amused Karen, preparing herself for
motherhood. Leona O'Malley joined them often now, as Hank and Dustin spent time
with the attorney Dustin had found. The case looked very promising and Leona
was touchingly grateful to

Dustin for giving Hank hope again. With the frankness
afforded by age, she made no secret of the fact that she thought Dustin and
Elise were a wonderful couple, who ought to be married. Karen wasn't quite as
blunt, but she took advantage of every opportunity to point out how content she
and Darrell were, and how long the O'Malleys had been happily married.

Maria reacted in resignation to Elise's announcement that
she was keeping the baby. Elise suspected that her mother had known all along
that she wouldn't give the baby awayafter all, that option had been available
to Maria, as well, when Elise was born. Maria was not, however, pleased
by Elise's confiding that Dustin had proposed, reminding Elise of her plans to
make the broadcasting big time, reiterating that marriage was a device of men
to control their women, begging her to take plenty of time to think before
making that life-altering decision.

Ariel, on the other hand, was delighted by the possibility
that Dustin and Elise would be married. She assured Elise repeatedly that marriage
wasn't such a frightening prospect, that a woman could be married and still
maintain her own identity, fulfill her own needs. Wasn't she doing so? she
asked. Wasn't she blissfully happy with Glenn and still making great strides in
her job with the newspaper? Wasn't she being considered for the slot of city
editor when the position opened up in less than a year?

Her head spinning from Leona, Karen, Maria and Ariel's
fervor in advancing their positions, Elise tried to form her own opinions. All
she knew was that she could no longer imagine living without Dustin in her
life, that she could no longer quite remember what it was like before she'd met
him. She loved him, but... God, she was scared.

 

LAMAZE CLASSES BEGAN. There were seven other couples in Dustin
and Elise's classall younger, all married, all first-time parents. The R.N.
taught the class

with the fervor of a television evangelist, making Elise
have to fight smiles at the young woman'sthe childless young
woman'senthusiasm. Elise tried; she really did. Sitting cross-legged on the
floor with pillows around her and Dustin behind her, she practiced relaxing.

"But," she told Dustin later that evening,
"there's no way I'm doing hee-hees." Hee-hees being the breathing
technique the instructor had demonstrated, consisting of a deep inhale released
in a series of gusting "hee-hee" sounds. The classroom had sounded
like a bunch of demented Peter Lorres, Elise had decided. Or maybe Jack
Nicholson in The Shining.

Looking up from the stack of material the instructor had
given them, Dustin laughed. "No?"

"No. Absolutely not."

"Weren't you the one who said there was no dignity to
this process, anyway?"

"There's no reason not to at least try to
maintain a little dignity," Elise replied loftily. "I understand the
slow breathing and the deep concentration, but panting and hee-hees are
out."

"What if you find that you need to use them?"

"Then you can just tell the doctor to knock me
out."

Dustin chuckled again and turned his attention back to the
material in his hand. "Interesting pictures in this one pamphlet they gave
us," he commented with suspicious blandness. '"Sexual positions for
late pregnancy.' Some of these look pretty good, actually. Maybe we should try
them." He held the book up, illustrations toward Elise. 192

Her eyes widened. Her cheeks went scarlet. Dustin took one
look at her and shouted with laughter. "I can't believe it! Elise Webber
just blushed. Finally I've seen you disconcerted enough to blush."

"I am not blushing," she disputed immediately, but
without much conviction since she knew very well that she was. It wasn't that
she'd never seen any of those positions beforeor tried a few. It was just that
she'd never seen such a visibly pregnant woman... doing it. It wasn't a
particularly pretty sight. "Tear that up, would you?"

"I will," Dustin assured her gravely. "As
soon as I memorize the instructions."

Growling beneath her breath, she walked out of the room,
deciding to pour herself a cold diet soft drink. It was less than thirty
degrees outside, but it suddenly seemed terribly warm inside.

 

AND THEN THINGS STARTED to go wrong. Relatively small until
nowas the envious other members of her Lamaze class had noted vocallyElise
suddenly began to grow larger. Or rather, the baby began to rapidly gain
weight, pushing Elise's stomach out more and more each day. That was depressing
enough, not to mention the corresponding awkwardness. Her walk definitely
resembled a waddle, she found that she could not push herself off the low, soft
couch without a hand from Dustin, her side ached from the constant pressure of
a tiny foot or elbow lodged just below her ribs and shaving her legs became a
real test of endurance and blind skill. She was learning about the notorious
miseries of pregnancyswollen ankles, hemorrhoids,

backaches, breathlessness. Stepping out of the shower one
morning, she happened to catch a glimpse of her nude self in profile in the
bathroom mirror. The woman who never cried promptly burst into tears.

How could Dustin possibly stand to look at her? Much less to
still seem to want her. Was he blind?

The weather turned ugly late in January. A rare twelve
inches of snow fell within a twenty-four-hour period. Arkansas road crews being
woefully unprepared for snow of more than an inch or so, the roads wore
virtually impassable for several days, particularly the sparsely traveled roads
leading from the lake house to the freeway. Just knowing she couldn't go
anywhere gave Elise a severe case of cabin fever. She snapped at Dustin more
than once. He responded with unceasing patience. Even that irritated her.
Why wouldn't he fight with her? At least that would give them something to do.

She missed working. She missed the excitement of compiling a
fast-breaking story, then getting it on the air, scooping the competition. She
missed the smell of strong coffee and stale cigarette smoke, the clatter of
keyboards, the tangle of wires she had to step over to gel to her anchor desk.
She never missed the Little Rock news reports, unable to resist critiquing the
reporting methods of the local anchor teams, thinking of ways she'd improve the
presentation if she had the opportunity. And, of course, she would have that
opportunity should she decide to accept Layne's offer.

That offer, pushed to the back of her mind when Dustin had
proposed, had resurfaced to torment her regularly. Little Rock. Did she want to
settle in Arkansas? Would Dustin want to stay there with her? And if she truly
wanted a national spot, as she'd always claimed, why was she beginning to
suspect that a well-produced news program in a relatively small market was
exactly right for her?

She couldn't sleep. Her favorite position had always been
lying on her stomach, both arms wrapped around her pillow. That position had
long since been abandoned, but now it was extremely uncomfortable to lie on her
back. And her side. The baby took up midnight tap dancing, warming up with an
aerobic workout, cooling off afterward with stretching exercises. Dustin only
laughed when Elise mentioned that new development.

Dustin made no more mention of marriage. In her more
rational moments, she knew that he was trying not to pressure her, that he
thought she was too agitated and emotional to discuss the subject calmly. In
her hormone-induced moody spells, she decided that Dustin had probably changed
his mind. That living with a bloated, irritable grouch who couldn't even get
off the couch without help reminded him of how nice it had been to be a
carefree bachelor, surrounded by beautiful, thin women. He was only
staying because he'd promised to be with her until the baby came, she told
herself morosely. Maybe it was because she wanted so desperately for him to
stay that she found herself subconsciously trying to push him away.

On Valentine's Day, Dustin presented her with a pair of
diamond-studded gold heart earrings to match her locket. He took her out to eat
at one of the nicer restaurants in Hot Springs. She spent the evening in a
romantic daze, quite certain she was the luckiest woman on earth. And then they
went home to lie wide awake, staring at the ceiling, uncomfortable about making
love because her due date was just three weeks away. And she wondered if maybe
Dustin really did love her. Why else would he stay with her through this?

She wanted so desperately to believe that he did love her.
But gold and diamonds weren't enough to convince her. She only wished she knew
what would.

 

"IT WON'T BE MUCH LONGER, Elise. You'll get through
it," Ariel sympathetically assured her friend over the phone.

"How do you know? You've never been in this
condition," Elise pointed out morosely.

Ariel made a sound that was obviously a swallowed laugh.
"No, I haven't. But I know it eventually ends."

"I'm tired. I can't sleep. I lay awake all night
waiting for something weird to happenlabor pains or something."

"Did the doctor say you might be early?"

"He said everything looked right on time, though it
could conceivably happen any day now."

"How's Dustin holding up?"

Elise sighed, looking out the window to where Dustin and
Darrell, both bundled against the cold, damp wind coming off the lake, were
working under the hood

of Dustin's car. Dustin, working on a car. Things had
certainly changed in the past few months. "You'd be surprised

This time Ariel did laugh. "I have been
surprised since the day you told him you were pregnant. I really misjudged that
man."

"Didn't everyone. Speaking of men, how's Glenn?"

"Ohhe's fine."

Something in Ariel's evasive answer made Elise frown.
"Is anything wrong?"

"No, of course not," Ariel replied just a shade
too heartily. "No problems. Did I tell you that I submitted my application
for city editor last week?"

"No. How does it look?"

"Promising. Definitely promising."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed."

"Thanks. Listen, I've got to go. Remember, call me if
anything happens, okay? You tell Dustin I'd better be the second person he
callsright after your mom."

"He knows. Keep in touch, Ariel, okay? I miss
you."

"I miss you, too, kid. Take care of yourself. And
baby."

"I will. Bye." Elise hung up the phone quickly,
that depressingly familiar threat of tears hovering just behind her eyes again.
She wearily pushed her too-long bangs off her forehead. She needed a haircut,
but she hadn't been in the mood to do anything about it. She was so tired
lately. So confused. So damned scared.

She looked back out at Dustin, unable to resist a weak smile
as he leaned a bit too far under the hood and overbalanced, nearly falling
headfirst into the engine. Grinning broadly, his mouth working with probably
semiobscene teasing, Darrell hauled Dustin out from beneath the car and took
over the repairs himself.

Dustin had been amazing during the past weeks. He took
everything she dished out with a tender patience that usually made her feel
terribly guilty. He'd started automatically hauling her out of chairs with a
no-big-deal ease, practically waited on her hand and foot when she was tired,
rubbed her back and legs when they ached. She was quite sure that this last
month of pregnancy was a snap for some women, but she wasn't handling it very
well. She honestly didn't know what she would do without Dustin.

He was starting to show signs of strain, himself. She'd
caught him popping analgesics several times for headaches probably brought on
by tension. Because she tossed and turned at night, unable to sleep soundly, he
wasn't resting well, either. And she suspected that he must be getting terribly
frustrated, since they hadn't made love in two weeks. The doctor had told them
that their lovemaking could continue for as long as they were both comfortable with
it, or until she started to dilate, but they'd agreed to play it safe and
abstain until after the baby came. Poor Dustin.

She really should walk over to Karen's, she thought
dispiritedly. A visit with Karen usually cheered her up when she was down. But
she was just too tired.

Closing her eyes, she fell asleep, right there in the big
overstuffed chair by the telephone table, her head against the soft side, her
hands lying limply in what had once been her lap.

 

DUSTIN STOOD IN THE DOORWAY to the living room, looking at
the woman sleeping in the big chair. His heart twisted. She looked so pale, so
fragile, her usually petite body swollen with pregnancy, her eyes purple
shadowed, her lips parted just slightly, looking young and vulnerable. She was
so beautiful.

She wasn't enjoying these last weeks of pregnancy. Darrell
had confided in him that Karen had been the same way, moody and unhappy during
the last few weeks. Dustin could imagine how uncomfortable and nervous Elise
must beas well as any man could imagine such a condition. He tended to agree
with the theory that if men were the ones to experience pregnancy and
childbirth, there would be a lot fewer babies born.

It wasn't easy being a prospective father, either, he
admitted to himself. There were times when Elise tried his patience, when he'd
come close to snapping back at her, but so far he'd managed to refrain. Thank
heaven for Darrell, his one-person support group. Having been through the same
thing three times, Darrell was a source of great comfort to Dustin. A good
friend. Dustin only hoped he was proving to be the same for Elise.

Sometimes it was all he could do not to throw her into the
car and head for the nearest justice of the peace. He wanted her as his wife.
He wanted their child to be the product of a solid, happy marriage. He had to
believe that someday it would happen, because he wanted it so very desperately.

Walking quietly across the room, he knelt before her.
"Elise," he said softly, his hand on her arm. "Darling, wake
up."

Her eyes fluttered, then opened groggily. "II fell
asleep," she remarked unnecessarily.

"Yes. I woke you because I was worried that you'd get a
sore neck. Would you like to go lie down?"

Sighing, she shook her head, straightening in the chair.
"No. If I take a nap now, I'll never be able to sleep tonight. Did you get
your car fixed?"

"Yeah. Darrell did most of it. What would you like for
dinner?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not very hungry."

"How about some nice hot soup? We still have some of
that homemade vegetable that Karen brought over. 1 can warm it up in just a few
minutes."

"That sounds nice. I'll help you."

"I can manage. You take it easy."

She grimaced ruefully. "That seems to be all I do
anymore."

He smiled and patted her stomach. "In a few weeks,
you'll be glad you got some rest."

"Sometimes I think this baby's never going to get here.
He likes it so well in there he's decided to stay."

Dustin chuckled. "Sweetheart, you're not even due
yet."

"I know." She looked up at him apologetically.
"I'm being a terrible whiner, aren't I? Are you thoroughly disappointed in
me?"

"No, darling," he answered gently, very sincerely.
"I'm extremely proud of you. I love you, Elise."

She smiled tremulously at him, her dark eyes a bit too
bright. "Thank you."

He kissed her lightly, then stood back, boosting her easily
out of the chair when she held out her hand. "I think I'll go wash my
face," she said.

"Okay. Meet you in the kitchen in ten minutes."

She nodded. "It's a date."

"In case you don't know," she added a moment
later, "I love you, too, Dustin."

He'd gotten halfway to the kitchen. At her words, he froze
in midstep, then turned very slowly to face her, almost afraid he'd
misunderstood. His chest constricted suddenly with hope so intense it felt very
much like pain. "Youyou love me?" he repeated carefully.

She moistened her lips, nodding. "Yes. I have for a
very long time. I was... afraid to tell you, I suppose."

He took a step toward her, then another, and then she was in
his arms, held tightly against his chest. "Elise. I love you so much. If
only you knew how you just made me feel." He sought her mouth hungrily,
taking it in a deep, heartfelt expression of love.

When he finally released her mouth, she pulled back rather
breathlessly. "I don't want you to think anything has changedabout us
being married, I mean," she warned unsteadily. "I still think we
should wait until things have settled down, until we're absolutely certain that
we're not being affected by circumstances."

He couldn't quite hide his disappointment from her. He'd
hoped she'd finally admitted to herself that she'd been fighting the
inevitable. But he told himself that he should be happy with the progress
they'd made. "I understand," he said. "But I'm still convinced
it wouldn't be a mistake. I love you. I want to marry you. When you're ready, I
will."

And he intended to make sure that she was ready very soon.
Any way he could.

 

THE LAST WEEK of February crawled along, bringing Elise
within a week of her due date. She was terribly uncomfortable, sleeping very
little, nervous about the birth process and even more nervous about the weeks
afterward. Dustin had fashioned a nursery out of one corner of the oversize
bedroom. They had decided to stay in Arkansas for six weeks after the baby
arrived, giving both the baby and Elise time to recover before returning to Atlanta. After thatwell, Dustin stubbornly insisted that they would be living together,
married or not. Elise didn't argue with him.

Having promised to accompany the O'Malleys to an important
meeting with their attorney and the other side's attorney, Dustin left Elise
alone one afternoon, though he was visibly uncomfortable about doing so. He
left a list of instructions of what she should do if her water broke or labor
pains began, ranging from calling Karen to summoning an ambulance or police
car. Elise assured him she was perfectly capable of handling anything that
could possibly occur.

Ten minutes after he drove away, she dialed Ariel's number,
telling herself that she only wanted to talk to her friend, and was not at all
bothered by the sudden emptiness of the lake house.

"So where will you two live when you move back to
civilization?" Ariel asked after they'd talked for several minutes.

"I don't know. Dustin's been hinting about buying a
house, actually." She'd evaded that discussion. A house sounded so
permanent. And where would they decide to live? Little Rock? Back in Atlanta? New York? D.C.? Did Dustin care?

She could hear Ariel take a deep breath at the other end of
the line. "Speaking of new places, I guess now's the time to tell you that
Glenn and I are moving to North Carolina next month."

Elise felt her jaw drop, then snapped it shut.
"Why?"

"He got a great job. Chief of staff of a small hospital
there. It's something he's always wanted."

Ariel sounded somewhat less than exuberant. Elise thought
she knew why. "What about the city editor position you applied for?"

"Iurntold them I was no longer available."

"Oh, Ariel. You really wanted that job."

"Yes, I know. But Glenn was called for an interview at
the hospital the same week I applied. His offer came through first. Wewe had
some pretty heated words over it, I'll admit. Our first real fight. But, well,
there was no guarantee that I'd get the city editor job and Glenn really will
make a wonderful chief of staff. I'm sure I can get a job with a newspaper near
the hospital. I've already got some resumes out."

In other words, Ariel's career had been put on hold for her
husband's, Elise thought numbly. Hadn't Maria pointed out numerous times that
it usually happened that way?

"It's okay, Elise, really," Ariel assured her when
the silence had stretched uncomfortably long. "I was upset at first, but
not now. I knew there would be compromises to make when I married Glenn. And he
really regrets the way it turned out. He feels very badly about putting me in
such a difficult situation. But he assures me that next time our careers
conflict, it will be his turn to make sure that I have first choice."

"I hope everything works out for you, Ariel." It
was all Elise could think of to say.

"It will. I love Glenn, Elise. I'm going to make our
marriage workand he's just as determined. Together, we can't fail."

"I'm sure you're right. Listen, I have to go, Ariel.
It's been nice talking to you."

"Not feeling labor pains, are you?" Ariel teased,
obviously trying to end the call on a lighter note.

"No. I just have some things to do. I'll talk to you
again soon," Elise promised.

She hung up slowly, then crossed her arms over her chest and
stared sightlessly into space for a long time, thinking about what Ariel had
told her. A year ago, Elise never would have believed that Ariel would give up
the job she loved nor decline a promotion she'd been working toward for any
man. But then, a year ago she never would have believed that she would find
herself now within a week or so of motherhood. How things had changed.

At that moment, she couldn't have said whether she thought
those changes were for the better or worse.




12

 

DUSTIN RUSHED into the house later that afternoon, grinning
from ear to ear. "Good news, Elise. It looks like the O'Malleys are going
to receive an out-of-court settlement . A quite satisfactory one. The other
side seems to believe that a jury will award the poor guy a huge judgment, and
I agree. Hank and Leona are delighted that they may be able to avoid a court
hearing."

"That is good news."

Frowning at her rather forced enthusiasm, Dustin sat down
beside her on the couch and took her hand. "Something wrong, Elise?
Feeling bad?"

She shook her head. Later she'd tell him about Ariel, but
not just now. Instead she looked somewhere in the vicinity of her feetor where
her feet would be, if she could see themand said cautiously, "I've been
thinking about something today, Dustin. I'd like to discuss it with you."


"What's that, darling?"

She really wished he wouldn't call her that just then not
in that silky, caressing tone that made her feel so pampered and cherished. And
vaguely guilty. "If I'm going to go for a national reporting position,
it's time now to be working on it. I could send some tapes, resumes to New York, trying to get the attention of one of the networks. I certainly couldn't expect
an anchor spot right away, but I'd probably have a chance at a reporting position."

"I'm sure you do," Dustin agreed rather
tonelessly. "But are you sure that's what you really want, Elise?"

"Haven't I always said so?" she countered.

"Yes. That's what you've said. I thought maybe you'd
been giving some consideration to your college friend's offer to work in Little Rock. It sounded like a job you'd enjoy."

"Well, yes, but it's not exactly a national spot."
She risked a glance at his face. He didn't look particularly happy. "If I
should get a job in New York or at one of the bureausor even if I took the job
in Little Rock I'd have to leave Atlanta."

"Obviously." There was still very little emotion
in his voice.

"What" She hesitated, then rushed on bravely.
"What would you do?"

He caught her face in his hand and turned it so that she had
to look straight at him. "I'd go with you. An attorney can practice just
about anywhere. Did you think I'd do anything else?"

"Well, I know your job with WesCo is still open to you.
Are you sure you'd want to leave it a second time (or me?"

"I want to be with you, Elise. Wherever that may happen
to beArkansas, Atlanta, New York. I love my work, I'll admit it. I enjoyed
working for WesCo. I fully intend to find another job as soon as possible when
we've settled somewhere. But my family comes first. You and our son." He
paused just long enough to let that sink in before asking, "Can you say
the same thing?"

Her eyes widened at having the offensive turned so neatly
back to her. "I" Could she? Could she honestly say that
Dustin and the baby came before her career? Pulling in her lower lip, she made
herself think honestly about her feelingsher own feelings. She
remembered her life before Dustin, before the baby. And she thought of going
back to that life, without either of them.

And she suddenly understood why Ariel was moving to North Carolina.

Dustin didn't want to trap her or hold her back. He only
wanted to love her. To be a family with her. To face the compromises and
occasional sacrifices that any two people had to make in order to build a
strong, lifelong relationship. No one had said it was all going to be easy. But
no one had said it was impossible, either. With, perhaps, the exception of
Maria. And perhaps it was time that Elise started making her own choices,
without the influence of her mother's admittedly jaundiced ideas.

"Yes," she said clearly, holding his intently
narrowed gaze with her own. "I can say that. My family means more to me
than anything else. I love you, Dustin."

His eyes closed briefly in an expression of profound relief.
His voice was little more than a whisper. "It's going to be okay, isn't
it? It's going to work out."

"Yes." Her own voice was strong, positive.
"It's going to be all right. We're going to make it."

"I love you, Elise."

"And I love you," she repeated, smiling now.

Dustin broke into a broad grin, laying a hand on her
stomach. "Did you hear that, kid? Everything's fine. You can come out
now."

Elise laughed, feeling absurdly lighter, as if she'd
suddenly lost many poundsthough a glance in the mirror would have assured her
she had not. "Idiot," she murmured, her tone holding all the love and
commitment she'd just entrusted to him. She covered his hand with hers. Beneath
their palms, their baby kicked happily.

 

Sometime during that night, Elise woke and lay frowning at
the ceiling, knowing that something had awakened her, not quite sure what it
had been. And then it happened again. A strange, rippling feeling that began in
her sides, seemed to tighten her stomach, and then receded.

"Oh, my God," she whispered, her hand going to her
stomach. Not yet. She wasn't ready!

She lay very still, trying to convince herself that it
hadn't been what she thought it was. Just as she was about to relax and settle
back down to sleep, perhaps ten minutes later, she felt it again. A bit harder
this time.

No, she thought. This isn't happening. But just as she'd
been unable to ignore her pregnancy and make it go away during those first few
weeks, so she was unable to ignore the contractions that were coming with
increasing strength at notably regular intervals.

"Dustin," she murmured, gently shaking his bare
shoulder after the fifth contraction. "Wake up."

"Mmmph?" he mumbled, burrowing deeper into the
pillow. "Whatizit?"

"I'm having these pains."

"What kind of pains?" he asked, still mostly
asleep. And then he stiffened and shoved himself straight up to a sitting
position, staring down at her. "You mean.. .pains?"

"Yes. As in contractions."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she replied rather grimly, holding her
side as another started.

"Oh." He shoved a hand through his hair, cleared
his throat and moistened his lips as if they'd suddenly gone dry. "How far
apart?"

"I'm not sure. About ten minutes I think. Maybe they're
getting a little closer together."

"Okay. Now be calm," he admonished her, his own
voice taking on a nervous edge as he slid gracelessly from the bed and snatched
up a pair of jeans. "It's going to be fine. Your bag's ready, so I'll take
it out to the car and let the engine warm up. You get on your robe and
slippers."

"I'd rather get dressed," Elise argued, swinging
her legs over the edge of the bed with some difficulty. She lifted her hand to
her hair with a frown. "Maybe I should take a quick shower and wash my
hair."

"Have you lost your mind?" Dustin shouted.
"You don't have time to take a shower!"

"Everyone said it takes a while for a first baby,"
she answered defensively. "There's no need to rush."

"No need to..." His voice trailed off in
disbelief. "Elise, you're in labor, for God's sake. You are not going to
take a shower and you're not washing your hair. You're not doing your nails or
your makeup. We're leaving for the hospital. Now."

Sighing, Elise stood. "And you told me to be
calm," she grumbled, waddling over to the closet to pull out something to
wear as Dustin slid his bare feet into a pair of shoes and headed for the car,
dragging a sweater over his head and muttering beneath his breath at the
incomprehensibility of womenpregnant women, in particular.

 

TWO HOURS LATER, Elise made a grim observation. Labor hurt.
She'd started doing the slow, deep-concentration breathing during contractions,
but she still had no intention of doing hee-hees. Not that she had much dignity
left to cling to. It seemed that half the staff of the hospital had lifted her
sheet to check her cervix. And did they all have to be so damned cheerful about
it?

"How are we doing, Ms Webber? You're doing fine, Ms
Webber. You're being so brave, Ms Webber," she grumbled to Dustin, lying
on a narrow, hard bed in the labor room she'd been deposited in upon arrival at
the hospital. "If one more person pats me on the head and tosses out an
airy platitude, I'm going to sink my teeth in her hand."

Sitting in a low chair beside the bed, Dustin chuckled and
brushed her damp bangs away from her fore-head. "It's a nurse's job to be
airy and cheerful, darling. Don't be too hard on them."

She sighed. "I know. But I'm getting real tired of
seeing all those bright smiles when I'm lying here with gritted teeth." As
if on cue, another contraction began.

They were getting very strong now. Elise gritted her teeth
harder and got through it, her hand clinging tightly to Dustin's. "I don't
think," she panted when it ended, "this is going to be as easy as
that Lamaze teacher made it sound."

Holding her hand in both of his, Dustin leaned his elbows on
the bed and kissed her knuckles. "If there was any way I could help you
through this, I would, I can't stand to see you in pain."

"You're helping," she murmured, her fingers
tightening in his. "Just by being here."

"Men get all the fun parts of making babies, don't
they, darling?"

She lifted halfway off the bed as another contraction began.
"Yes, they do," she gritted. "And some people say God is a
woman. Hah!"

She was in labor for six hours, a short time for a first
baby, she was assured later. It didn't feel short. It felt endless. By the time
she was moved into the delivery room, she was exhausted, drenched with
perspiration, and moaning softly in protest of each long, seemingly continuous
contraction. But she still hadn't once hee-heed. She found some faint comfort
in that.

Dustin's arms supported her as she leaned into the pushes
that helped nature work their baby out of her body. Dustin's voice, thick with
helpless anguish at her pain, coaxed her on, telling her he loved her, promising
it would soon be over. Dustin's eyes, bright with unashamed tears, met hers
when their son's wavering cry sounded for the first time.

"I love you," he whispered, placing the tenderest
of kisses on her sweat-beaded forehead.

"I love you," she returned, weariness making her
voice little more than an audible breath.

And then her son was placed in her arms, his tiny head
covered with a knit cap, his wrinkled pink body wrapped in a thin blue blanket.
His face was red, still streaked with blood and some creamy white substance,
scrunched into an expression of disapproval of the entire proceedings. Elise
thought she'd never seen anything more beautiful in her entire life.

"He looks like you," she told Dustin, holding the
baby gingerly.

Dustin eyed his son, lifted a sardonic eyebrow and broke
into a slightly unsteady grin. "I'm sure that was meant as a
compliment."

Elise smiled back at him. "I meant that he is one lucky
baby."

Pleased, Dustin kissed her again, taking his time about it
until the medical team shooed him aside to let them finish their jobs.

 

ELISE COULDN'T HAVE SAID how much time passed before she
stirred, opened her eyes and squinted at the bright light in her hospital room.
Blinking into focus, she found Dustin standing near the bed, his attention wholly
centered on the bundle in his arms. He was talking softly, so softly that Elise
couldn't quite make out the words. A golfball-size lump lodged itself somewhere
in her throat. "Hi, Dad," she managed around that lump.

Dustin looked up and smiled. "Hi, Mom. How are you
feeling?"

"I can't think of an answer that wouldn't be rather
indelicate," she answered wryly, shifting her sore body carefully in the
crisp hospital sheets.

He winced in sympathy. "I can imagine." He looked
back down at the baby, stood silently for a long, emotion-filled moment, then
lifted his eyes back to her. "It really is a miracle, isn't it?"

Yes, she thought, nodding her agreement. It was a miracle.
Two rather shallow, undeniably self-centered yuppies had learned to care for
each other and their baby more than any of the material possessions and career
advancements that had once seemed so essential.

"Marry me, Elise," Dustin said quietly, his eyes
burning with the intensity of his appeal. "Please."

"I'll marry you, Dustin." After all her evasions,
all her excuses, all her worries, it had been so easy to answer him in the end.
Just as Dustin's love for her had converted him from a dedicated bachelor to a
contented family man, so her love for him had given her the courage to join her
life with his. Forever.

He relaxed visibly. "What will your mother say?"
he teased, the slight strain in his voice belying the lightness of his words.
She knew he hadn't taken her acceptance at all lightly.

"I don't think she'll be particularly surprised,"
she answered. "She'll make a fuss, of course, but we'll just have to prove
to her that marriage is exactly right for us. Maybe in thirty or forty years
we'll have her convinced."

"Thirty or forty years," he repeated, and then
smiled. "I like the sound of it."

"So do I."

The door swished open and Dr. Freeman ambled in. "So
how's the new mother?" he asked in his restful drawl.

"The new mother just got herself engaged," Dustin
answered proudly.

Looking from Dustin to Elise and then back to baby Seth, Dr.
Freeman had only one comment. "It's about time."

 

They were married at a chapel in Hot Springs. Maria was
there, disapproving but resigned, holding Seth during the ceremony. Her
grandson had already firmly taken hold of her heart, just as his tiny,
four-week-old hands clutched the bodice of her silk designer dress. Ariel and
Glenn and Nathan and Trisha had flown in for the wedding. The Silaskis and the
O'Malleys were the only other guests. As Dustin turned to kiss his wife, Seth
yawned loudly, ending the ceremony in a ripple of happy laughter.

"So what do you think, Dustin? Now that you've got one,
you gonna try it again?" Nathan inquired with a broad grin after examining
and approving his friend's son.

His arm firmly around Elise, Dustin shrugged. "Who
knows? Now that we've changed the rules about children, we may as well have
more of them."

"We'll talk about it," Elise interjected hastily.
"In two or three years." She knew they'd be as deeply in love then as
they were at that moment.

They spent their wedding night in the loft of the lake house
they'd agreed to purchase from Ariel as a vacation home. Their permanent home
would be in Little Rock, where Elise would be working as an anchor at the top
local station, the job her friend Layne had offered her. Dustin planned to set
up a private practice, intending to specialize in helping people like the
O'Malleys.

Seth slept soundly in his corner crib while Dustin and Elise
lay entwined in the bed. "Has it occurred to you," Dustin asked with
a pained edge to his voice, "that we could have timed our wedding night a
bit better?"

"Meaning after Dr. Freeman clears me to resume intimate
relations?" Elise asked thoughtfully, knowing full well that it had been
Dustin who'd rushed the wedding, determined to make her his wife as quickly as
possible. For Seth's sake, he'd assured her gravely. He'd lied.

"Yeah." He snuggled her closer, holding her left
hand in the air to admire the wedding band that matched his own. "Oh,
well," he said magnanimously. "I suppose we can wait. We have the
rest of our lives for that sort of thing."

"Yes," she agreed happily. "The rest of our
lives."

"But then again," Dustin said suddenly, shifting
so that she was pinned beneath him on the bed, his eyes wicked. "There are
other ways."

Crushing her mouth beneath his, he proceeded to demonstrate
several of those quite satisfactory alternatives.




Epilogue

 

Holding two chubby ankles in one hand, Elise lifted a
dimpled bottom off the changing table and expertly slipped a diaper underneath.
Lowering the five-month-old baby onto the diaper, she fastened the tapes, then
snapped the crotch of the ruffled pink sunsuit. "There you go, sweetie.
Nice and dry again," she crooned.

"Mommy, Mommy!"

She turned her head at the disgruntled summons from the
five-year-old standing in the doorway to the nursery. "What is it,
Seth?"

"Ethan's got my dump truck again. Tell him to play with
his own."

Elise frowned reprovingly at two-and-a-half-year-old Ethan,
standing behind Seth with his thumb in his mouth and the offending plastic truck
clutched stubbornly in his free hand. "Ethan, give Seth back his truck and
get your own."

Grinning unrepentantly around his thumb, Ethan handed over
the truck to its owner, proving he'd been more interested in Seth's reaction
than in playing with the toy. Elise sighed and shook her head. Despite having
her dark hair and dark eyes, the boys were just like their father. Little imps,
the both of them. And she loved them dearly. Just as she adored the blond,
blue-eyed baby girl kicking happily on the changing table beneath Elise's
restraining hand, babbling a rather slobbery and wholly incomprehensible
monologue.

Though she and Dustin had once planned to stop with two
children, they'd just had to try one more time for a girl. Neither of them
regretted doing so. Elise hadn't cared for the state of being pregnant any more
the third time than she had the first or second, but the results were well
worth the trouble. It hadn't all been easy, but no one had promised that it
would be. Marriage and parenthood both included compromises, sacrifices,
occasional frustrations. But, all in all, she'd never been happier.

Lifting Caitlin into her arms, Elise turned toward the
doorway, intending to turn her daughter over to the housekeeper/nanny who kept
the Chandler household running smoothly when Elise and Dustin were working. It
was nearly two, time for Elise to start getting ready for work. Dustin worked
days, Elise afternoons and evenings, meaning that one of them was with the
children most of the time. Both of them took most weekends off to be with their
family. Not the most traditional arrangement, perhaps, but it was working well
for them.

She had made it across the room when Dustin appeared in the
doorway, his suit jacket held over his shoulder with one finger, a small boy
clinging to each of his long, lean legs. "Hi, darling."

"Dustin! What are you doing home this early?"

"The defendant's attorneys were granted a recess until
tomorrow morning. I thought I'd take advantage of the nice weather and the free
afternoon to take the kids to the park."

"All three of them?" Elise asked skeptically.

"Sure. Why not? Caitlin will be fine in her carriage,
and she'll enjoy the warm sunshine. And before you say it, yes, I'll make sure
she doesn't burn."

Smiling, Elise shook her head. "I wasn't going to say
it. I know you can take care of her. All of them."

"Ain't it amazing?" he drawled teasingly, his eyes
holding the memory of that younger, more driven man who'd been terrified by the
very thought of children.

"Ain't it just," Elise agreed contentedly.

"How do you feel about heading for the lake house this
weekend?" Dustin suggested. "We could use the weekend off." The
lake house was still their own cherished retreatparticularly since Dustin and
Darrell had added two more bedrooms to give Dustin and Elise a bit of privacy
at night. They made very good use of that privacy during those stolen hours
away from the demands of their busy lives.

"I say it's a wonderful idea."

"Great." He grinned and crossed the room to her,
dragging his giggling sons with him and returning Caitlin's broad grin that
displayed her one tooth. He dropped a warm kiss on Caitlin's downy blond head
before pressing his lips to his wife's. "I love you, Elise."

"I love you, Dustin." More now than ever before,
she could have added.

He pulled back. "You'd better go get ready for work.
The kids and I have a park to conquer." He patted her still-slender, firm
bottom as he spoke.

Tossing the dark hair that she'd allowed to grow to collar
length, Elise smiled up at him. "See you in the bedroom when I get
home?"

"You can bet on it," he returned deeply, his blue
eyes making promises that she knew he would honor willingly.

Savoring the anticipation of those delightfully wicked
unspoken promises, Elise went off to dress for the job she loved only a
fraction as much as her family.

Maria had been wrong, she thought, not for the first time.
It was possible to have it all.