IMG 14022806

Can Wc Gct On lo Somcthing Scrious? By GARRISON KF.ILLOR Aug. 31, 1998

We arc living iu comfortablc times, and thc long run of L'Affairc Monica is testimony to that, a deluge of chaff. Nevcr bcforc bas so inuch bcen said by so many about so vcry littlc. Aftcr months of watching Mr. Starr gct in and out of cars, and the famous footagc of Mr. Clinton cmbracing tlić intern in the crowd, a person starts to valuc tlić right not to watch and not to care. What we now know is approximatcly what we knew at thc start. He did it; wc’rc sorry he did; he must be sorrier than anyone else that he did it. Time to grow up and movc on.

The precisc dclcctable details—in which White Housc anteroom did the couple convene and what did the Leader of thc Frcc World do with his pants and did they do it on the floor or usc a desk or a sofa and was it one of thosc hard formal sofas not meant to be rcclincd on and did somconc knock on thc door during thc procccdings and did she smokc a cigarettc afterward and wcrc snacks scrvcd--these all can bc provided by a good novclist. But this is not about govcmment. There is not an impeachablc offense herc. You can't cvcn see impcachment from herc.

The pcople most harmed by thc affair, as Mr. Clinton himself said on Monday night, arc his wifc and daughter. Dcaling with adultcry is a miscrable way to start a yacation on Martha's Vincyard. And lic badly abuscd his loyal Staff members who, as thc pricc ofserving him and his visiou for America, now have major legał bills to dcal with. And I suppose that Monica Lcwinsky, in her pain, has promised liersclf ncver again to gct romantically involved with a sitting Prcsident. And T imaginc it has dawned on Mr. Starr that hc may go down in history as a rather smali and obsessive figurę who spent $40 million for a stained dress. And I imaginc that by now all of the Monicas in America wish they were Cheryls or Ambcrs. And thc Presidcnt's referencc to a hot-blooded amour as an inappropriate relationship does a real disscrvicc to tlie English language. But otherwise, this story is without real import.

It is to thc Rcpublicans* great credit that they liave managed to kcep the word impcachment floating in tlić air for so long. This is a feat, considering that polis point in thc oppositc dircction. They have accomplished it in a statesmanlike manner by announcing again and again. ovcn when not asked, tliat when thc Limc comes to consider impcachment, they will do so. and meanwhile they rcscrvc judgment. This is sort of like your brothcr-in-law saying that although you'rc probably in perfectly good Health, there is an ashenness in your complcxion that suggests terminal liver cancer, and God forbid it should happen, but if it does, hc would likc to havc your lakę cabin.

The Rcpublicans must hope that impcaclmient will float in the air until Novcmbcr so thc votcrs will remember them as the Party' of Zippcd Pants. Ordinarily, thc votcrs need to sense danger before they gct ginned up about politics: you rcccivc a ncwsletter in thc mail from thc Committcc to Conffont the Prcsent Crisis, and it is fuli of outrages commitlcd by godless Washington pinheads, and your collar heats up, your toupcc flics up in the air. your pants fili up with bricks, and you send in a check for $50 to savc thc country', but there are not so many outrages thcsc days. The economy is humming along, thc stock market continucs to lcvitatc, and hardly anybody cares about forcign policy. Tlicrc is only Monica.

The Cłintons, who have said less publicly about tlić affair than anyone clsc, havc come through with considcrablc dignity. Thosc who lookcd truły and stupcndously dumb wcrc thc poor schnooks who had to stand on camera and laik about the fact that they didrft know vcry much about what was happening. It's hard to imaginc a young person inspired toward a carccr injoumalism by that. Statiditig in the White Housc drivc at 5 a.m. waiting for a glimpsc of Mr. Starr's car aniving for a secret grand jury procccding is not a dignified way to eam a living. The blathcr that ran all of Monday and into thc wcc hours on CNN was thc sort of tclcvision that when you tum it off, you fccl so much better. And then came the New York Times, with thc highest horsefeather contcnt of all.

"A momentous day, a day like no other in thc republic's long history,” wrotc R.W. Apple Jr. in his best Lowell Thomas imitation, under the headline AS PRES1DENTTESTIFIES, A SUBDUED CAPITAL WAITS FOR WORD. (I łów does thc Timcsman who reads the capitafs moods distinguish among Subdued, Indiffcrcnt, Preoccupicd and Vagucly Depresscd?) Almost the entire front page wasgivcn ovcr to thc camival. "How someonc of such surpassing intcllect and such protean political talents could indulgc in such conduct...rcmains tlić most puzzling qucstion about William Jefferson Clinton," thc Times pondered. This is not agrownup question. "How could hc have done it?" Peopłe do such

things. It has no rolation to intcllect or połitical talent. It has to do with being human, and there is a lot ofliuman naturę in everyhody, including ourBill.

Garrison Keillor is host of A Prairie Home Companion and writes pretty good books. including The Old Man Who Lovcd Cheese