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Who Do Tliey Think Tliey Are?

Thoss folks in liie first-class lane want spccial trcjitincnt. But this is America By GARRISON KiriLOR Dcc. 2. 2002

You know Republicajis are running the country when you see the new express lanes for first-class customcrs at airport security, They're cropping up all over. The other day I was in the rcgular 590 non-expres$ Iinc of middlc-class pcasants waiting to be scanncd. and a fcw of the ruling elitc came sashaying along the other sidc of the ropę to the head of our Une--it was linc jumping, govcrnmenl sanctioncd-and two liefty gentlemcn with helmet hair and dangly ccii plioncs butted in front of me as if by divine right and dumped their bags and Iaptops on the convcyor ajid forged ahead witheut a nod or a smile. Tt felt morę than nnpleasant; it felt un-Amcrican. But this is a Midwestemcr talking. Wc were broughl up to be tliankful and wait our tnrn and not think we were too iinportaut to stand in linę for the turkey and stufling.

Perhaps wc shall see a separate linę at the department of motor vchiclcs for Lexus and BMW owners, and Marshall Field's will usher the preferred children forward to see Santa, and there will bc a platinum section of Central Park, and why not a gold-club voting machinę for pcoplc who pay morę than SI00,000 in income tax, and a concicrge-class birthing room at the hospital--pay extra for same-day dclivery. But before we get there, consider the cost.

Last year, after the unthinkablc happened, a wave of spontaneous grass-roots patriotism spread across the land, and wc all stood in linę, the pinstripc suits and the grandmas and grandpas and the kids with the knapsacks, and acccpted the inconveniencc with darncd good humor. It was a rare moment of common fecling. and we should hołd on to that fccling—for the execs and traders, secrclarics, Ilight attendants, the dishwashers and wait Staff at Windows on the World who all went dow^rn together.

In a democracy, wc need a fcw reality checkpoints at which wc all crowd together, nabob and yahoo, and mb clbows and get a cluc about who livcs herc other than us. The draft-board physical uscd to be such a chcckpoint, wherc cven a Rockefeller had to spread them and bend ovcr, but thafs gone, a casualty of Vietnam. The older generation that went through all those chcckpoints-Central Tligh, the cafeteria, the Army, the train station—tliose folks leamed to stand in linc and accept their place in the picturc, and tliey leamed dcccncy and kindness. I can remember when a kid could hitchhike in America, and older guys would see that your clothcs were clean and you stood up straight, and they’d stop and pick you up, and you got to incet interesting people and hear their story-. No morę.

The Duke of Dubuque and the Pasha of Oshkosh who butted in front of mc at the airport put their stuff on the conveyor and walked tlirough the scanner, and something on the Pasha's person set off the alarm. A security- guy set about frisking him witli a wand, which irked His Eminencc, as did the rcquest to rcmovc the royal shoes. Thcy wcrc put tlirough the scanner, and his briefcasc was scarched, and His Emincnce started to givc off anger fumes. Hc sighed dccply and shook his head at tlić insanity of it all. But the woman scatining the shoes saw something, and a couplc of colleagucs came ovcr to peer at the screen. And the Pasha seemed to losc it right there, and when a security guy told him to boot up his laptop, he said, "Boot it up yoursclf," and tossed in a common vulgarity. And then he was asked to comc and sit in a biue chair and wait. He ploppcd down, all fussed up, steam coming out of his cars, and you could see that an cxprcss lane wasn't enough for him-hc nccdcd a Leaijct, and right away.

There's a price to be paid for the concierge lifc: stupidity. Your mind tends to wander and takc you with it. You learn something standing in the crowd. I think of the inconvenicnce of scrving on a jury' last sumruer and the hours we spent poring over a casc of criminal assault. It's hard work sumraoning up your best judgment on bchalf of the law, and to do the work with that slice-of-St.-Paul bunch of moms and retirees and folks from Cubicleville was a revclation. If I were the accuscd, I'd want tliat jury and not one choscn from tlie cxpress lanc of lifc. You don’t want your fotc dccided by people who go for tlie cjiiick and casy.