Deep Blue Secret @page { margin-bottom: 5.000000pt; margin-top: 5.000000pt; } The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. � � Copyright © 2011 by Christie Anderson � First eBook edition July 2011 � � All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author. � http://www.christieanderson.org � For my brother, Brian, and my sister, Starr. I’ll miss you both until the day we meet again in Heaven. � � And for our beloved Barbara Jean. A mother who has always encouraged us to follow our dreams. CONTENTS � 1. VOSS WAITS TO STRIKE 2. THE EYES 3. EMOTIONS 4. RESURFACE 5. VOSS REMEMBERS THE PAST 6. THE INTERCOM 7. ASH TAKES A DAY OFF 8. NORMAL 9. COMPETITION 10. TRANSITION 11. SECRETS 12. CONFESSIONS 13. RAYNE GETS A PHONE CALL 14. SURPRISE 15. VOSS SENDS A MESSAGE 16. HOME 17. RENDEZVOUS 18. BONDING 19. FAMILY TIES 20. RAYNE FINDS HIS FOCUS 21. COOKIES 22. MAKEOVER 23. INDEPENDENCE 24. REMORSE 25. GRAY 26. RELEASE 27. THE DANCE 28. RAYNE GOES TO A MEET � ACKNOWLEDGMENTS � � This book has gone from crazy harebrained idea to a dream fulfilled, all thanks to the wonderful supporters in my life. Thanks to my big sister, Jen, and her husband, Matt, for always welcoming me into their home over the years (even when I showed up in the middle of the night), and taking me all over Huntington and Newport Beach to fill me in on the �ślocal” stuff. Thank you to my amazing parents, Barb and Gary. You will never fully understand my love and appreciation for all you have given me. Thanks and hugs to my brother, Brett, for showing me what it means to work hard and never give up. Thank you to my story muse, Janelle, for taking the time to give me her honest feedback and brilliant plot thickeners, and for being a long-time friend. Thanks to the Simpkins for allowing me to stay in their beautiful home, giving me the opportunity to live in my characters’ neighborhood and truly explore my own enchanting fantasy world. And saving the best for last, thank you to my indescribable husband, Beau. Thank you for humoring me in the beginning, brainstorming with me through the middle (even when you were not in the mood), patiently offering strength all the way to the finish line, and pouring out your endless love every step of the way. � � � � � � 1. VOSS WAITS TO STRIKE� � � � � � The night air was quiet, devoid of sound or life or the rustling signs of vitality. Through the silence, Voss sensed the animal’s trembling. He smelled the fear, the frozen limbs and helpless twitching. A sinister smile grew across his face and he turned to lurk sideways through the brush. His movements were stealthy and premeditated. Even with ragged leather shoes covered in dirt and falling apart, he placed each foot skillfully in front of the other without sound. His fist tightened around the makeshift knife, bone handle steady in his grip. The years of training did not fail him. Quick paws over crinkled leaves broke the silence and Voss flew forward, blade hurling through the shadows. The tiny animal fell to the ground. Voss fastened the rabbit to his belt and turned back to the spot where he’d dropped his supplies. The animal hunt gave him a slight sense of satisfaction, a rare feeling in this wretched wasteland beyond the Threshold. He took quick steps as he continued his hike over the barren terrain, winding through pathetic, half-dead trees. The moon struggled to light the path, just a faint yellow glow, dingy through the dust ridden atmosphere. How could this be the same moon that showed so vividly on the other side of the Threshold? They shared the same brilliant sun as well, yet here in Cayno it barely skimmed across the horizon during daylight hours. He cursed the pitiful moon and dragged his legs forward toward his camp. This was his existence. While others slumbered in their beds in far-off happy places, Voss fought to survive. He passed through a gap between two towering boulders which stood at the edge of a small field, not surprised by the quiet voice mumbling across the way. This was Laydo’s area. This particular inmate had claimed the field as his home several years ago. Voss had never seen Laydo leave it. The inmate drooped against a tree, eyes black as death and whimpering the same word he always did. �śLaydo�ŚLaydo.” Sensing another man’s presence, the inmate staggered to his feet, managing to limp a few steps in Voss’s direction. He stretched out a trembling arm as if pleading for help. �śLaydo�Ś” the inmate begged. �śLaydo�Ś” Voss glared at the man’s sunken face with disdain and shoved him to the ground. �śImbecile,” he muttered as he passed. He didn’t belong here with the weak and befuddled criminals surrounding him. He pitied them really. The pathetic reality they each endured was only partially their fault. No man should be sent to such an inhumane place no matter what their crime. At this point they were unaware of their suffering anyway, minds and bodies wasted away to madness and fatigue. Even those who started out with a degree of intelligence had now dwindled to mindless oafs. At least they finally learned not to mess with Voss’s property. The pale light of dawn showed on the horizon just as he reached the trail to his camp. He paused to peer numbly at the stretch of dirt then continued up the rocky path to the crest of the Threshold. His supplies landed in a heap on the ground. He knew this day would be as miserable and unfulfilling as the last. Voss perched on his usual log eyeing the Threshold with agitation. For years he’d wasted away in this living nightmare of a place. He wouldn’t let this be the end of him though, not like the others. The rabbit would make a decent meal. At least it would ease the hollow ache in his stomach. Food wasn’t necessary for survival, but eating made his body grow stronger. With the rapid rate of aging in this place, he needed all the strength he could get. Grey already streaked through his tangled black hair. He peered at the Watermark on his wrist, nothing left of the luminous blue light it once held. The tear-shaped mark was jet black now, like a plague. Almost every ounce of life had been stolen from his body, draining his mark of all its strength, cursing him, leaving him vulnerable to injury and illness. He had to take every precaution. He would do whatever it took to stay able-bodied and mentally prepared in order to pounce the moment his opportunity arose. It had been exactly five years, two months, and seven days since a guard appeared through the Threshold, escorting a new prisoner to his doom. But one would have to show again at some point, and when he did�ŚVoss planned to be ready. He never took his fierce eyes off the Threshold in daylight. This was the most likely time for someone to pass through. He did most of his activity at night, whether it be hunting, bathing in the salty, barren sea, or scouting for supplies to make weapons and ropes. In the light he performed tasks at his base, located directly above the arch of the Threshold. His choice of the location was strategic. He would have to act fast. He’d set traps at the base of the Threshold entrance, designed to catch a person’s ankle with rope, catapult them in the air, and leave them dangling upside down from a tree. The trap was rudimentary at best, but without his usual resources this was the best Voss could do. He’d tested the trap once on a delirious and unsuspecting inmate. Of course it worked beautifully, ensnaring the cretin without a hitch. Not exactly a foe up to par with Voss’s usual opponents, but at least he knew the design was sound. The Threshold guards would be somewhat more satisfying to ensnare. At least they would put up a fight. He also placed dried leaves and twigs at the sight so the sound would alert him while asleep. Sleep was unnecessary, but it was another source of strength he used to his advantage. Plus it freed his mind of the torment, causing time to pass more quickly. He trained himself to sleep only an hour at a time. He had to stay alert as much as possible. The trap alone wouldn’t be enough and he wasn’t about to place all his trust on a single gimmick. There would only be one chance to make his escape. There was no room for error. His position above the entrance would give him the advantage. He would have both surprise and elevation for his attack. He planned to use arrows and knives to stun the guards just long enough to bind them with cords. Their wounds would recover rapidly, thus the ropes would be crucial to keep them disabled. Voss wiped the muddied sweat from his brow. The plan itself was simple, yet it consumed his every thought. No other man had come close to escape, but there was no doubt he would be the first. He had intelligence, strength, and far superior skills compared to any other prisoner sent to exile. Most importantly, he had motivation. Each day the anger festered inside him, the obsession, the dark determination to succeed. Voss pounced to his feet and sent a rabid fist to his punching bag. The animal hide shook, releasing a cloud of dust and bits of debris. His muscles pulsed. A scowl deepened on his leathery face as he focused the rage. He spun, delivering a violent kick, causing the bag to twist wildly below the branch where it hung. It wouldn’t be much longer. He could feel it. The agonizing wait would soon be the past; a trivial, dreadful memory he would relish in casting aside like a speck of dust trampled underfoot. Once he gained freedom, Voss would begin part two of the plan. He would make those who sent him here suffer. He pictured their faces before each thrust of his fist, each furious, calculated blow. Before they even sentenced him to this desolate abyss, they stole everything�"his happiness, his life, his reason for being. They would be punished for the grief they inflicted. They would know pain as he knew pain. Justice would be his. � � � � � � 2. THE EYES� � � � � � I tossed my school bag to the back seat of my run-down Honda. It was a hand-me-down from my mom when she upgraded to a new car last year. It had been super reliable for how old it was, but the radio didn't work. That was a major bummer. But not even a broken radio could get in the way of me and my music. I toggled through the menu on my MP3 player until I found the perfect song for my upbeat mood. My earphones blasted as I drove down the street, admiring the cloudless Newport Beach sky, wisps of hair circling my neck from the breeze through the open window. It was usually in the sixties this time of year but I heard it was going to hit eighty this week; pretty nice for November. I could feel the extra warmth already. The sunshine gave me an extra burst of energy, making an already good day seem even better. It took maybe five minutes to drive to school. Traffic lined the web of Southern California freeways every day, but I rarely ventured out that far. I had everything I needed right here in my own little corner of the world. My poor car buzzed into the lot full of new convertibles and SUV’s until I found a parking space. I wasn't embarrassed by my car. I was glad to even have one. And it wasn’t like anyone gave me a hard time for driving it. As I turned off the engine, a slow, melancholy song played in my ears and I ripped the cords out immediately. I thought I removed all the sad stuff a few weeks ago. This day was too cheerful and bright to listen to something so blah. Plus, I was sort of developing a fear of love songs over the last couple months. I’d always enjoyed all kinds of music, but I’d been having some crazy emotional reactions to it lately. And music wasn’t the only problem. A couple weeks ago I felt completely depressed for hours after reading a scene in a book�"totally out of character for me. My life was way too great to be sad and moping around for no reason at all. It was probably just teenage hormones going haywire. I waved at a few kids I knew talking by their cars and continued to the outdoor quad area, covered in grass and leafy trees. It was already full of my classmates and I greeted a few more as I crossed the sidewalk. Then I saw him. Justin Crane. My head darted down and away, hoping he wouldn’t notice me from across the path. We’d been on a few dates earlier this year. It was just supposed to be for fun, but that totally backfired on me. I was hesitant to go with him in the first place, but saying no just seemed too�Śmean. I should’ve listened to my instincts. Once Justin got the first yes, he couldn’t be stopped. He pursued me obnoxiously. And his hands really had a problem with wandering. I thought it was clear we were only friends, but he just didn’t get it. It got to the point where I had to be outright rude. I didn’t like that. I thought he finally got the hint, but I wasn’t about to give him a chance to change his mind. I hurried through the double glass doors of the building at the end of the sidewalk and let out a sigh of relief. Justin Crane was safely out of view. When I approached my locker I glanced around the hallway to see if Heather was nearby. She was my best friend. We had first period together so she always came to meet me before class. Her lean physique approached my direction with purpose, her phone attached to her ear. I had a cell phone too�"I mean, who didn’t�"but mine seemed like a piece of junk compared to hers. Heather could be intimidating to some people. I was a decent height at five feet five inches, but she beat me by at least four more inches. It wasn’t just her height though. Even in a crowd, Heather had a way of making sure she was noticed, but not in a bad way. I'd known Heather since second grade and spent more time with her than anyone else, besides my mom of course. We had a lot in common, yet somehow we were nothing alike. Maybe that was why we worked so well together. Either way, we'd been friends a long time. Heather slid the phone in her designer bag and sprung up beside me. �śHey, Sade!” she said, her face animated like she had a juicy secret to share. �śSo I was just talking to Lindsey, and you will never guess what she said.” She checked her long, platinum hair for any imperfections, using the mirror in my locker, then pulled me down through the crowded corridor of students. Some looked like they just stepped foot off the beach, others like they were modeling for a designer clothing catalog. �śWhat is it?” I asked.� � � She stopped and brought her perfectly made-up face close to mine, lowering her voice. �śI don’t know if I’m supposed to say anything, so you totally didn’t hear this from me.” �śOkay�Ś” I said, confused but intrigued. �śLindsey heard that, Nick,” she said the name with emphasis, �śChristensen, like, has a thing for you, and wants to ask you out on a date or something.” She paused dramatically, waiting for my response. Huh. That was the big news? I did like going on dates but I didn’t see what the big deal was. It took me a second to place the name she mentioned with a face. �śOh, I know Nick,” I said. �śHe seems like a nice guy.” She clutched my arm, dragging me with agitation. �śHe seems nice? He’s only, like, one of the most gorgeous guys at our school. Seriously, Sadie, could you be any more clueless when it comes to guys? You get asked out on more dates than any other girl in the entire school and you’re completely oblivious.” My feet stopped. �śWhat? No I don’t. And by the way, you get asked out on dates too.” She continued to say his name like he was a celebrity. �śNot by guys like Nick Christensen. You could at least try to appreciate how lucky you are.” I thought about it a second. Maybe she had a point. I was lucky to get asked on dates at all, so I should be more excited. I didn’t want to come off as a jerk or something. �śReally? Nick Christensen?” I said, mimicking Heather’s excitement. �śActually, he’s pretty cute. A date with him sounds like fun.” �śOf course it does,” she said, like I was ridiculous for thinking otherwise. �śHe’s totally hot.” We entered the classroom and sat in our usual seats. Mr. Rivera lectured and scribbled illegibly on the white board as my chin sunk deeper into the palm of my hand. Math first thing in the morning was a bit of a challenge. My mind wandered. The depressing song I heard in the car started playing through my mind, the chorus repeating in my head over and over again. It was annoying. I should’ve listened to something more upbeat before I turned it off. I straightened in my seat and tried to focus. Even math sounded better right now than that stupid, dismal song. During break I went back to my locker and grabbed a bag of baby carrots. I tossed one in my mouth, but it was bigger than I expected and I struggled to chew as I shut the locker with my elbow. I almost choked. Nick Christensen was standing right in front of me. �śOh,” I said surprised. I threw my hand to my face, covering my mouth full of food, chewing as fast as possible. I practically swallowed the carrot whole. He ran a hand through his chestnut hair, eyes shifting to the floor. �śSorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” I gave him a welcoming smile to ease the awkwardness. �śIt’s okay. You just surprised me.” Most girls would probably be a little anxious right now, but I didn't get nervous around boys. Maybe because I didn’t care whether or not they liked me, or if there might be a future for us someday. �śSo, I was just wondering�Ś” He paused and fidgeted with a strap on his backpack �śIf maybe you wanted to hang out with me this Saturday?” For being one of the most gorgeous guys in school, he sure seemed insecure, but it was sort of endearing. �śOh�Śactually�Ś” My eyebrows wrinkled, apologetic. �śI already told my mom I would help her paint our living room on Saturday.” He looked away, blue eyes full of disappointment. �śOh. That’s okay.” Poor guy, I didn’t want him to think I made up some excuse not to go. I really did have plans. Each week my mom had just one or two nights off from the hospital where she worked. That was really our only time to see each other, so we started girls’ night. It had become our weekly tradition. We’d usually do stuff like get take-out and watch chick flicks, but this time my overly-energetic mother talked me into another do-it-yourself project. At least this time it wouldn’t require tearing down walls. I wasn’t that excited about painting in the first place, and with Nick looking way cuter than I realized before, I was really starting to regret our plans. But instead of becoming bitter at my mother’s ambition, I quickly thought of a solution that would work for everyone. The smile returned to my face. �śWell, school’s closed Friday for Veteran’s Day. I don’t have plans if you want to do something then.” �śSure!” His face brightened with a smile full of perfect white teeth. �śMy uncle works at Disneyland and he could get us in, but that’s kind of an all-day thing, so I don’t know if you would be interested.” I didn’t have to think about it. �śTotally,” I said, touching his arm. �śThat sounds like fun.” I loved Disneyland. Growing up in the area, I used to go all the time, but I hadn’t been in a while. That would be something to look forward to. �śOkay,” he said, relieved. �śI’ll come pick you up Friday morning. Would nine work?” I nodded. �śNine sounds good.” There was an awkward pause in our conversation. It looked like Nick wanted to say something but couldn’t push out the words. I looked off to a corner of the ceiling, giving him a chance to regroup. He laughed nervously and scratched his head but still came up with nothing. I had to put him out of his misery. I turned back with a smile. �śWell�ŚI probably should get to class. I’ll see you Friday?” He wore an unsure, semi-goofy expression while I sauntered away, glancing back with a flirty wave goodbye. It couldn’t hurt to be a little flirty, right? Nick seemed completely harmless compared to Justin Crane. Although Heather once said I flirted all the time, even when I didn’t mean to, so I should probably remember to tone it down. Thanks to Nick Christensen I was suddenly in an extra great mood. As I skipped cheerfully down the path outside I noticed my friend, Ariana, from the other side of the quad. Her parents were originally from the Dominican Republic, but they moved here from New York a few years ago. Ariana jumped up and down with a huge smile when she saw me. I loved her enthusiasm. She was one of the most energetic girls at our school. Next thing I knew she was bounding across the grass in my direction. �śSadie!” she called happily. She jumped up next to me. �śHey chica, I love your hair today.” She pulled a handful of wavy blonde strands in the air and let them fall playfully through her fingers back to my shoulder. �śThanks,” I said. �śThat’s a cute shirt.” She looked down at herself as if trying to remember what she was wearing and giggled. �śOh yeah�ŚThanks, it’s new. So I brought you that CD I was telling you about.” Ariana was always putting together CD's with new music for me to try; mostly salsa type music I would have a hard time finding on my own. Despite how well I was doing in Spanish class, I couldn't understand most of the words in the songs, but the beats were infectious. Sometimes it was hard to stop my hips from waving side to side. She rummaged through her backpack and handed me a plastic case. I slid it on top of the chemistry book cradled in my arm. �śCool. I’m excited to listen to it when I get home.” �śMake sure you listen to track two,” she said with animation. �śThat’s so totally my favorite this week.” I looked at Ariana with her bubbly happiness and suddenly found myself staring at her golden eyes, a stark contrast to her milk chocolate skin and curly black hair. It was kind of a breath of fresh air in the sea of blonds parading the school. My thought was interrupted by a small jolt. Someone bumped into me from behind. I glanced up, distracted. A boy in dark clothes muttered a quick sorry under his breath and continued walking, turning his face only partially towards me. I could’ve sworn a glint of light caught his eye causing a stream of little green sparkles. A slight tingling sensation shivered up my arm and I looked down at it instinctively. There was a silvery film with iridescent swirls shimmering just below my elbow. I tried to touch it, but it disappeared. I wasn’t sure if I imagined it. Maybe the sunlight was playing tricks on my eyes. My thoughts flew back to the intriguing boy that bumped my arm but I couldn't see him anymore. He seemed oddly familiar. Like something was pulling me after him, drawing me towards him. �śWho was that?” I wondered aloud. � Ariana shrugged. �śI have no idea.” Suddenly I wanted to chase after the mystery person. �śHey, I have to get going,” I said, moving away in a daze. If Ariana replied, I didn't notice. I was too busy searching through the crowd of students for the face�"the one with the sparkling, familiar eyes. I didn't know what the rest of him looked like. He shuffled by so fast. I didn't have a chance to register anything else. I rushed through the school grounds, propelled by curiosity, intense desire growing inside me. Students eyed me as they caught me staring. My gaze darted back and forth from face to face, examining them as I shot by. But none of them were right. The mysterious green eyes were nowhere to be seen. The warning bell rang, interrupting my quest. At least I was able to gather my senses enough to direct myself to class. Chemistry was my hardest subject and I couldn’t help but groan a little when I opened the classroom door. I peered at the equation on the board. It was like trying to figure out a foreign language. Although I had Spanish after lunch and it was one of my easiest classes, so the analogy didn’t fit. Instead I just pictured a tiny bomb going off in my head, frying a bunch of brain cells. I didn’t know how I managed to keep a decent grade. Mr. Wallace must have awarded a lot of participation points for doing the labs. The desktop was cold on my elbows fueling my anxiety. What was that all about? I thought; puzzled by my sudden lapse of insanity that sent me racing through the school grounds. I was seriously starting to wonder what was wrong with me. But the mystery of the face still clouded my thoughts. It couldn't just be a face. There had to be an actual person attached to that face, to those familiar, green eyes. He was here at my school. Why hadn't I noticed him before? Was he a new student? If he was, then why would he look so familiar to me? Maybe he used to live here, then moved away for a while�Śand now he moved back again. Or he used to go to a school nearby, like Corona Del Mar or Estancia, and we'd met before through friends at a party or something and now he went to our school because he happened to move recently. Ugh! That's completely absurd, I thought, scolding myself. How could I come up with something so ridiculous? Mr. Wallace finished his lecture and sent us to the back tables to work on the lab. My partner, Ryan, did most of the work while I nodded and smiled, pretending to understand what he was doing. Even though I was baffled by the mystery guy at break, I felt surprisingly at ease, giddy even. It was like I had a riddle I desperately wanted to solve and couldn't figure out for the life of me, but I wasn't frustrated�"I was enjoying it. In between classes I searched for the face through the hallways and outside. On my way to lunch I did the same. It was a fun game, but I wasn't winning. I sat with Heather at our usual outdoor table to eat. Nicole, Lindsey, and a few other girls usually sat with us too. Heather grabbed my arm as soon as I sat next to her. �śI heard that someone has a date this weekend�Ś” Oh right. She was talking about Nick. I almost forgot. �śHow is it possible that you already know that?” I said impressed. �śOh please,” she said. �śYou do remember who you’re talking to, right?” Next thing I knew Heather was making an announcement to everyone at our table of the news. An entire table full of girls squealed and clapped in unison, causing curious glances from around the lunch area. After everyone took turns expressing their jealousy and wishing me luck on my date, Heather retold the story of her first kiss on the It’s a Small World ride at Disneyland when she was a freshman. She and Lindsey both agreed that this would be a good opportunity for me to finally do the same, especially with Nick Christensen. Kissing did sound like a lot of fun. Heather had done a lot of kissing since that boat ride and she never ceased to tell me about it. But I didn’t want to just do it for the fun of it. I wanted it to mean something. I mulled over the idea. Maybe I was building it up to be something bigger than it needed to be. What if, once I finally tried it, it would be a huge disappointment because I made too big a deal out of it? Should I just kiss Nick Christensen on Friday and get the whole thing over with? It might be fun. But it didn’t seem like a decision I could make in one lunch period. I had to at least see if I liked the guy, right? It could wait until Friday. I left our table to make my usual social rounds, hopping from one group of friends to the next to hang out and chat for a few minutes. I was like my mom in that way. She was friendly and talkative with everyone she met. At least I was like that most of the time, especially at school, but lately it felt like I was living a double life. I didn't always enjoy socializing like I used to. There were times I could be in a crowd full of friends and feel utterly alone. When I had the random episodes of depression triggered by music or emotions, it was even worse. Then I was definitely not in the mood to socialize. But there was no problem today. I was my happy, carefree self, enjoying the laughter and company of friends. I was still in high spirits when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. The mystery face didn't make an appearance, but I did get my hopes up a few times. I'd see a nice head of hair or a set of broad shoulders and go to investigate, but they were never attached to the sparkly-eyed boy that was the object of my pursuit. I walked to Spanish half expecting to see his green eyes pop out from behind one of the large trees that dotted the school grounds. But they didn't. Where did he go? Was the whole thing made up in my head, the product of an overactive imagination? I didn't believe that. He was definitely real. Spanish class breezed by. Se�ąora Morales broke us into groups to create skits using a list of vocabulary words. Our abilities were limited and the whole thing turned out sort of silly, but we had the entire class in tears of laughter by the end. I had such a good time I almost forgot about the game with my mystery boy�"almost. But as soon as I was outside I found myself jumping right back into my search to find him. All the way to photography class I pictured the mystery face poking out from behind the trees and winking at me with his glowing eyes, taunting me to chase him. But I finally gave up, at least for today. I settled in at my desk with one last hopeful thought. If I went to the same place at the same time tomorrow, our paths could possibly cross again. Then I pushed the dreamy green eyes to the back of my mind. � � � � � � 3. EMOTIONS� � � � � � A haze circled around me, like I was watching myself from a distance, lost in my dreams. I was just a child again, giggling and playing in the front yard under the afternoon sun. I rode a purple bike with shiny tassels on the handlebars. I remembered the bike. It was a present from my mom for my seventh birthday. Mom’s searching voice echoed from around the corner like a song. �śSadie-bear�Śtime for dinner.” I pranced to the front of the house, weightless, as if floating on clouds. Everything was so simple, so happy. I called out to her, pretending to pout. �śJust a few more tries? Please, Mom?” She nodded and waved, her words muffled. �śOkay. Just a few more minutes.” Then she drifted back to the house like an angel. Mom’s flowers swayed in the sunlight as I launched my bike down the sidewalk. The coastal breeze pushed me gently from behind. For a moment I felt invincible. The spokes on the wheels whooshed forward in triumph, ready to explore the world around me. � Then everything went dark. A clap of thunder roared through the air and I let out a childlike scream. My little body shuttered from the unexpected sound. My eyes jolted towards the sky, finding a swarm of black clouds gathering in swirls over my head, threatening to pour down on me. A strange sense of fear moved through my limbs and the bike wobbled back and forth between my knees. The handlebars veered erratically from side to side until I landed with a gasp in a patch of pointy branches and leaves. I lay there limp, sniffling as tears welled up in my eyes until a hand reached down in front of my gaze. I raised my head. The figure of a boy stood over me, face unclear, his identity blurred. Still, I felt I knew him somehow. My heart knew him. All of his details were smudged except the eyes; distinct clear eyes that sparkled like green diamonds. I knew these eyes. They were meant for me. The gray sky melted away, leaving a halo of white all around us. Calm wrapped around me like a blanket when I heard his steady voice. �śLet me help you.” He knelt by my side and wiped a tear off my cheek. �śDon’t cry. Everything will be all right.” I felt safe with the faceless boy, at ease. Timidly, I asked for his name. � His strong voice fell quiet like a whisper in the wind. �śMy name is Rain.” �śRain?” I pouted. �śBut I don’t like the rain. It scares me.” His words danced around my head. �śYou don’t need to be scared. I’ll protect you.” I lifted my fingers to his blurry face. �śWait, I remember you now. Diamond-eyes. That’s your name, silly. You must’ve forgotten.” I patted his cheek with my tiny hand. �śSilly, Diamond-eyes. How could you forget your own name?” � The touch of his skin dissipated like puffs of air, his face beginning to fade. � �śWait,” I called. �śDon’t go.” I tried to reach for him, to hold on to something, but the glowing green eyes flickered and disappeared. � *** � Sound jerked my mind from blissful sleep. I rolled in the crinkled sheets with a groan and slapped my hand against the clock to free myself from the dreaded alarm. If only I could drift back to serenity in my mind and be with him a little longer. The same familiar boy I’d dreamt about since I was a little girl, whose face I could never quite remember when I woke up. His eyes were the only clear image that remained, two brilliant gemstones that glowed just for me. It had been a while since I’d dreamt of the green-eyed boy, and as I lay in bed gathering my energy, I couldn’t help but think of the guy I’d spent all day yesterday searching for at school. Something about the two seemed similar, connected. Could there be a chance they were the same person? Was he even real? And why was his image stored away in my subconscious? I always felt strangely sad the mornings I woke from these dreams. It was almost like I missed him, even though I had no clue who he was. But the sadness didn't last long; a sleepy smile took its place. I would miss the green-eyed boy and the warmth of my bed, but I had a life full of warmth. I looked forward to another day of high school. Now I just needed my body to agree with me. I slid from the fluffy sanctuary and pulled a robe over my pink tank-top, stumbling blurry-eyed down the hall. As I reached the bathroom door my mom burst from her room, full of energy�"as usual.� She was already dressed in casual capris and a bright fuchsia shirt, her dark blonde hair styled in a messy up-do. She grabbed my face planting an exaggerated kiss on my cheek. �śMorning, Sadie-bear.” I stared with half-opened eyes. �śMom,” I complained. �śIt’s too early to be so�Śperky.” �śSuit yourself,” she said, her cheer unaffected as she skipped away to the other side of the house. Seriously, I didn’t know where that woman found her energy. Usually I was sound asleep by the time she got home from her shift at the hospital, yet she always managed to wake up before me. The hot water rained down my head in the shower, my favorite radio station serenading me in the background. A new song I liked played through the air and I felt instantly happier and more awake, ready to coast through another sunshiny day. After the shower I went straight to the compact stereo on my night stand. I wanted to finish listening to the song that was playing in the bathroom.� The silvery-white CD player was a gift from my mom for my seventeenth birthday. I probably used it more than anything else in the house. I sang along to the music as I made my bed, prancing around the room and swinging pillows up to the headboard from off the floor. I wasn't over-exuberant about it like girls you would see in movies, jumping around like a rock star, using a brush as a mock microphone, but I did like to sing. After throwing on some jeans and a lavender blouse, I grabbed a few fun bracelets and slid them over my wrist. I rarely left the house without wearing some kind of bracelet or wrist band, at the very least a watch. It was more for functional purposes than to make a fashion statement. It was just easier to cover up the black birthmark inside my left wrist than to have people doing a double take when they caught a glance of it. Someone even mistook it for a bug once and tried to flick it off my arm. It was unusual though, so who could blame them. It resembled glass or rock rather than skin, sort of like obsidian. And the tear-shaped mark wasn't exactly small either, probably a good quarter inch through the widest part. The attention it received used to bother me, but it rarely got noticed anymore. It didn’t take long to cross the quaint, single-story rambler where I’d lived my whole life. It was my grandparent’s house. My mom moved in when she was pregnant with me, but my grandma and grandpa both died in an accident when I was only four years old. It’s been just me and Mom ever since. � When I trotted into the kitchen, the sweet aroma of maple syrup enveloped the room. Mixing bowls and cooking utensils covered the counter tops in disarray as my mother flipped slices of bacon onto a paper towel. I sat on one of the stools pulled up to the bar-style counter, so I could face her while she cooked. �śIs there an army coming for breakfast you forgot to tell me about?” I asked. Mom smirked. �śI’m just in the mood to enjoy a nice meal with my daughter. Is that such a crime?” She added a sigh. �śIt seems like we hardly get to do that anymore.”� She dipped a slice of bread into egg batter and eased it onto the griddle, then turned to me with a smile, waving a spatula in the air. �śPlus, life’s too short not to enjoy a little French toast every once in a while.” My mother had a way about her, a positive energy that radiated in all directions. It was contagious. �śI definitely agree,” I said with a chuckle. She handed me a plate full of scrambled eggs, bacon, and French toast topped with strawberries. My eyes widened at the mountain of food. After a few more circles around the kitchen, Mom joined me with her own plate piled just as high. Good thing this wasn’t a daily ritual. I grimaced and rubbed my stomach. �śWhew, I’m stuffed. Thanks for breakfast, Mom. It was really good. But seriously, if I eat another bite, I might grow out of my jeans before school starts.” She laughed and grabbed my plate, placing it in the sink. I glanced at the clock on the microwave. �śOh, I better get going.” I shot up and grabbed my bag. �śI don’t want to be late.” Mom’s voice trailed after me as I hurried from the room. �śOkay, sweetheart, have a good day.” �śLove you!” I called as I hurried out the door. At school things started out fine, but halfway through the day all my classes seemed to drag. I was dragging too. I thought I’d recuperated quickly from the sad feelings this morning after dreaming of the faceless boy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The fun of my pursuit from yesterday was completely gone too. I still couldn’t find those familiar green eyes, and this time there was nothing fun or exciting about it. At lunch Heather kept asking me what was wrong, and I told her it was nothing, like, fifty times. Of course that wasn’t really true, but what was I supposed to tell her? Oh I’m just upset because I’m obsessing about a boy that probably only exists in my imagination? I loved Heather and told her pretty much everything, but I didn’t think this was the kind of thing she would really relate to. Plus, the idea of saying what I was really thinking out loud just sounded so stupid. Heather still didn’t look convinced when I left our table to go to class, but I was actually starting to feel a little bit better. I always looked forward to photography at the end of the day. Maybe it would cheer me up and get my mind off things. It was in my nature to enjoy things that were artistic and creative, although I still hadn’t found my passion yet. My mom believed everyone had something they loved so much that it made them feel complete when they found it. Like her love for helping people through nursing. Mr. Brown was my photography teacher. He had shaggy brown hair and a full beard hiding half of his face, like a mountain man. It was clear he’d found his passion through photography. Each day he would post a single slide of a photograph up on the screen that he believed had an element of excellence. First he would encourage us to spend several minutes feeling the photograph. Let it speak to you, how does it make you feel, he would say. Once he was satisfied that our emotions had been stirred, he would discuss the technical aspects of the piece, how the artist had acquired the desired effect through camera and lighting adjustments. This day was no exception. He spoke the name with reverence as he announced, �śToday we’re going to view a beautiful piece courtesy of the great photography legend, Ansel Adams.” Mr. Brown lifted both his arms. �śI present to you�Ś” He paused for dramatic effect. �śLights,” he prompted, as a student hopped from his chair, flipping the switch. �śRose and Driftwood�Ś” He motioned as if revealing a new invention to a crowd and finally the slide illuminated the screen. Aside from a few hushed snickers at the teacher’s liveliness, we all studied the photograph in the traditional silence. I examined the black and white photo for a moment, paying attention to the interesting details. It was quite exquisite. The lines in the driftwood made breathtaking patterns of swirls and stripes appearing almost to shimmer. The tips of the delicate rose petals were kindled with light, revealing intricate veins. Then an odd sensation crept over my skin. My heart fluttered and emotion swelled within my chest. For the first time this year, one of Mr. Brown’s esteemed pieces of art spoke to my soul. I stared at the screen forgetting to blink, unable to break my eyes from the image looming over me. My limbs froze. A swirling maze of lines and shadows hypnotized me, deep shadows that overpowered the fragile petals. Some unseen force mesmerized my mind, bore its weight down and imprisoned me with despair. My heart sank to the depths of my chest with horrible realization. It was me�"the rose was like me. The flower was delicate and pristine. It possessed the potential to captivate, to serve a purpose. Yet there it lay, helpless on a disheveled plank of timber; somber, drifting, and alone. Nature meant it to live with color, swaying in the breeze and surrounded by life. But it did not uplift. It did not bring cheer as it should, drained of all light it once held.� Where was the inspired affection? The friendship? The love? There was none. Darkness condemned the innocent to despair. The world went blank. I lost track of place and time, entranced by the ache inside me. I no longer stared at the rose, but at a blur of shadow and light with no meaning. I longed for something I couldn’t define. A hunger grew inside me no morsel of food could relieve. Something called to me through the emptiness, beckoning me to come�"a silent voice only I could hear�"but I was lost. I searched for the voice, I yearned to find it, frantic almost, but I found nothing. My name echoed over and over. �śSadie? Earth to Sa-die�Ś” My mind crawled back to awareness. Mr. Brown waved his hand in front of my glazed eyes with a concerned expression. The other students had already dispersed from the room. �śAre you okay?” he asked. My movements were slow, like wading through a pool of thick mud. I shook off the heaviness and focused my eyes, blinking repeatedly. �śI�Śuh�ŚI’m fine.” I wasn’t quite ready to stand. �śI’m not feeling well,” I added so he wouldn’t think I was crazy. �śWould you like me to help you to the nurse?” he offered. My legs trembled as I stood, using the chair to steady myself. �śNo, that’s all right, I’ll be fine.” �śI’m not sure you heard the homework assignment. You looked a little dazed.” �śHomework?” I mumbled. �śSorry, I guess I missed that.” �śNo worries. I just suggested when you’re out taking pictures this week, to remember how Rose and Driftwood made you feel and to find something that captures a similar feeling for you.” �śOkay,” I said, secretly hoping nothing out there would make me feel the way that photograph did. �śThanks, Mr. Brown. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I slid out the classroom door. My feet dragged down the pathway, lost in my thoughts. If I could describe myself in terms of music, I would be Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness from my mom’s old Smashing Pumpkins album. Outside, the blue sky and bright sun were not enough to lift my spirits. I couldn’t snap out of the slump. At least I didn’t have to worry about any more classes today. My brain felt useless. I wobbled through the maze of students to my car with my head hung low. I really hoped I wouldn’t run into any of my friends. I just wanted to be alone. The steering wheel was hot on my fingers, the air stale from being closed off all day. It was suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. I rolled down the windows and let my head fall back to the seat, taking in a few deep breaths. My brain felt like it was churning in slow motion. Everything felt muddled. I barely noticed the blur of buildings and trees driving home. It was a good thing I didn’t live far. I went through an intersection and realized, after the fact, that I wasn’t sure what color the light had been�"green I hoped. I parked in our driveway with a small shred of relief. The black cloud of depression still hovered over my head as I walked up the drive, but at least I was home. After fumbling through my keys at the door, I lost my hold and they dropped carelessly to the ground. Crouching down with a slow sigh, I picked them up to try again, my upper body like a lead weight as I pulled my torso upright. I staggered through the door and took in the surroundings of our living room; the eggshell paint on the walls, the old oak TV hutch across from the worn leather couch, the framed picture of my grandparents displayed in the corner bookshelf, a pair of my mom’s shoes on the ground near the doorway. Even though the weight had not lifted, I felt some degree of comfort from the familiar items. My lungs filled with the scent of home and I slunk back to my room, letting my bag slide through my fingers to the floor near the door. Logically it was a bad idea, but I wanted to wallow in the pain. I selected a CD from my music collection that contained a mix of instrumental pieces. It was mostly new age piano selections, some accompanied by orchestras, and a few songs from movie scores. This probably wasn’t the typical music choice by the average teenager. I doubted any kids from my school had even heard these songs before, but to me they were beautiful and full of passion; which normally I found uplifting, but not today. I knew it was likely to increase the negative emotions, but I couldn’t restrain myself. I put the CD in the player and rolled on my bed like a boulder. My shoulders slumped against the mound of pillows in front of the sand-colored head board. The forlorn notes of Cristofori’s Dream replaced the eerie silence, sending a chill up my neck. The piano sang in desperation. Lamenting strings pierced the air as if grieving on my behalf. The notes edged through my mind and I stared across the room, right through the beige wall to the void beyond. My eyes labored through nothingness, searching for the tiniest fragment of hope to no avail. There was no finding what left me incomplete. As my soul reached the depths of despair I broke down and tears trickled down my cheeks. I didn’t understand why I felt this way, but I couldn’t find relief. I curled myself in a ball and hugged one of the pillows, stricken with abandonment. My faint sobs turned to weeping. I clung to the pillow more fervently, crying out as my soul writhed in pain. Eternity crept slowly by while I languished away on my pillow, the damp fabric clinging to my cheek. The energy drained from my body, weary and fatigued from the emotional outpouring. The CD must have come to completion; only silence filled the air. Everything felt numb all over. My gaze barely limped across the room with nowhere to go. That was enough. As much as it hurt, I couldn’t just lie here and rot away in agony.� I couldn’t let myself. I needed to be surrounded with something pleasant enough to push out the pain. I needed to go to the ocean. I could only hope it would work. If there was anything out there that would help clear my head it was my favorite place in the world�ŚCrystal Cove. I forced myself out to my car and started the engine. Despite my melancholy, I decided to try some upbeat music, hoping for any extra lift I could get. I selected a play-list that was a collection of billboard hits, mostly songs airing on the radio over the last year. It didn’t have any mushy songs, only happy, energetic ones that could get your feet tapping. Even though it was out of my way, I turned to meet up with Superior Avenue. It was my favorite street. As my car rolled around the bend I took in the beautiful seascape across my windshield. It was worth adding a few minutes to my drive to gaze at the ocean and feel the immensity. Rolling down the hill lined with palm trees felt almost like coming home. Normally I cruised along Coast Highway with the windows cracked and the volume turned up, but I just couldn’t feel the sunshine. It was no use. The music didn’t help. I ripped the earphones from my head and tossed the player in the passenger seat. I would have to wait and hope the beach would be enough to make a difference. I’d been to Crystal Cove so many times now, I couldn’t keep track. I’d spent many pleasant summer days there with my mom growing up, and lately I’d go when I wanted to be alone, without the distraction of friends. It wasn't a place high school kids normally hung out. They were usually found down by Huntington Pier or the River Jetties, where people go to watch the surfers. They're fun places when you're in a social mood, but today I needed to feel close to nature. Being in such a daze, I didn’t remember to pull my parking pass from the glove box until I’d already pulled up to the parking booth. I had to fumble hastily to find the pass while the attendant watched and waited patiently. I shook my head and apologized repeatedly, finally grabbing the pass and hanging it from the rear view mirror so she could wave me into the half-empty lot. In summer it would’ve been packed from corner to corner. I loved living so close I could enjoy it the rest of the year without the crowds. I strolled towards the path that led to the beach and glanced around the familiar parking lot. There was already a slight sense of calm surrounding the hills and large homes with Spanish tile roofs. I could tell I made the right choice to come here. As I reached the mouth of the path, cars zoomed past on the highway to my right, separating me from the hidden coastline I couldn’t wait to reach. The further I moved down the trail, the quicker my pace became. I shuffled away from the noise and admired the trees and shrubs covered in wild blossoms. I was suddenly glad these flowers were nothing like the white rose in Mr. Brown’s photograph. I kept a brisk pace until I reached the concrete tunnel leading under the road to the shore on the other side, then I slowed for a moment. It had been a while since I last took the time to admire the walls covered in colorful murals. When I was a child I would stop at each image, enchanted by the artwork depicting flowers or marine life, and force my mom to read each message to me one by one: Don't Pollute, Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, Everyone Needs the Greens, Keep the Earth Clean for You and Me. With sweet memories slowly lifting my spirits, I wandered down the lane past the shuttle stop and the little cottages converted into shops and snack stands. I was finally close enough to feel the moisture from the sea on my cheeks, to smell the fresh, salty air. The sun shown bright in the sky, but the breeze from earlier was intermittently turning to gusts of wind. I pulled an elastic band out of my pocket, putting my hair in a ponytail to keep it from swirling in my face. On my left I spotted the steep, wooden staircase which led up to the Shake Shack. I toyed with the idea of making the trek up the stairs to indulge myself with a date shake. They weren't just fun to eat on a date; they were literally filled with dried fruit dates. Most of my friends would stick to something more familiar, like chocolate, but I'd been eating them since I was a child, thanks to my mother. I thought the flavors might bring back memories and help lift my mood, but I finally decided against it. There were only a couple hours left before the sun would go down. I flipped off my sandals at the edge of the shore, my steps becoming heavy from the sand's give under my feet and between my toes. The last time I came to this section of the beach it was crowded with tourists and inlanders. Despite the miles of shoreline, all the people had clumped together on one section of the sand. The crowded air echoed with screams of children fleeing the breaking waves in delight. Not today. Today it felt quiet, almost deserted. It would’ve been nice just to relax and be with my thoughts, but I remembered I was supposed to take some photos for my photography class. Since I was already here, I decided I might as well just get it done. Luckily, I’d been toting around the small camera I checked out from my teacher all semester, so it was already in my bag. I snapped photographs while crossing the firmer sand near the water’s edge, capturing the view on the horizon and the shore where the black boulders broke the waves. I took close-ups of footprints and seaweed surrounded by tiny shells and rocks, the reflection of the sun glaring off ripples of water, and details of the few cottages along the back edge of the sandy beach. I imagined having the ocean literally in my own backyard. Many of these houses were rented out to vacationers, but I would love to live so close to the water someday. Observing the world through the lens of a camera was tiring. Instead of taking in the comforts of nature I was scrutinizing every detail of my surroundings in search of an artistic angle. I wanted a moment to relax. I had more than enough pictures to pick through later for my class assignment. I stowed the camera in my bag and meandered down the beach to the rockier side of the shore near the tide pools. I took a beach towel out of my bag and swung it up to release the folds. As my arms extended, a rush of wind burst through the air, catching the towel and whipping it back in my face. My eye stung from the unexpected lashing. My hand shot up to my face and I glanced around the beach, unsure if I should be embarrassed by anyone nearby. There was an older couple holding hands, their backs to me as they walked opposite my direction, a mother with two small children building sand castles several yards away, and a few more people farther down near the entrance, but no one close enough to notice me. Then again, I wasn't sure why I would think any stranger here on the beach would be noticing me in the first place. Once I finally got my towel smoothed out I lay soaking in the afternoon sun. It would’ve been relaxing if it weren't for the wind puffing around me. The corner of the towel whipped my leg and I kicked it to the ground again. A few wisps of hair floated from my ponytail tickling my nose. I brushed them away trying to tuck them tighter under my head. Finally I gave up, sitting upright with a huff and digging sand out of my ear, grumbling under my breath, I don't remember wind being mentioned in the forecast. Was this the time of year for the infamous Santa Ana winds to wreak havoc on our pleasant town? I couldn't remember. Despite the growing wind, I wasn't ready to part with the ocean. I hadn’t felt the extra uplift that I needed yet. I left my bag as an anchor for the towel and walked down to the water to find the tide pools. I'd explored them many times before, observing the funny crabs that scurried through the cracks and crevices. But I must have come during high tide today. Only a small portion of the craggy rock formations were visible. I waded through the shallow parts, taking deep breaths of cool, salty air and came to a large boulder layered with sediment. The side facing the sand was surrounded by shallow water and angled down towards the ground, making it easy to climb. I crawled to the top edge that hovered over the ocean and stood looking out at the horizon. The rise and fall of the waves rolled towards me, the hum growing to a rumble before breaking below my feet. The sea stretched to the edge of the sky, overwhelming, and liberating, and soothing all at once. I took the ocean for granted before. Growing up it was a fun place to play, that was it. It still was of course, but it wasn’t until I could drive and started coming here alone that I actually took the time to appreciate it. The ocean was immense and uncontrollable, but it followed patterns and cycles that were consistent, you could always rely on it to be there. Hidden life thrived beneath its surface, yet it could swallow you up and drag you to your death if given the chance. It was nature’s great paradox. I closed my eyes and listened to the crashing waves send spray up my ankles. Everything started to feel clearer. In this moment, it didn't matter that I was bursting into to tears of depression for no reason, or that I was losing my mind and chasing after green-eyed boys that may or may not actually exist outside my dreams. Right now it was just me and the water. I wished I could live on this rock forever. I’d never questioned my life before. I had countless friends, wonderful memories, a bright future ahead of me, but something didn’t feel right anymore. Suddenly wind barreled across my rock. I gasped, eyes popping open. Another burst of howling air exploded, ripping me off balance. I didn't have time to think, only to react. My legs flew out from under me, arms reaching out, but my ocean view became nothing but sky. Gravity yanked me in the water, pain piercing my skull. I barely registered the blow before darkness hit. � � � � � � 4. RESURFACE� � � � � � I sensed danger but couldn't do anything to help myself, stuck in a bad dream I couldn't wake up from. Was I asleep or awake? Dead or alive? Time stood still as strange shapes and shadows flashed before me then turned dark again. The horrible, trapped feeling grew, suffocating. No light. No air. No escape. My mother's face appeared through the black. I wanted to reach out, but I couldn't move. I was helpless. Mom smiled at me, giving me a fleeting moment of hope. She said everything would be all right; then she swirled and floated away, dispersing into darkness. A burning spread through my chest. I tried to make sense of something�"anything. My head ached, like a balloon was inflating beneath my skull, ready to pop. Confusion mounted, thoughts ending before they began. When would it stop? I fought, pulling away from the deep towards light. The fog lifted slowly. I was still disoriented but somehow I was making my escape. My mother's words began to ring true�"I would be all right. Wherever I was going to find myself when I regained consciousness, it was going to be okay. My mind worked overtime to pull through the haze. I sensed the air surrounding me, cool and flowing beneath my legs. My body was limp but I was moving. Warmth wrapped around me, carrying me to safety. I gasped, searching for air. Intense stinging pulsed through my nose as I sputtered out the choking water. I found dry ground beneath me as I wheezed, soaking up every molecule of oxygen my body could take in. My throat tightened. I coughed and heaved again and again, extracting the burning water. Slowly my chest relaxed and relief washed over me. My head throbbed, but it was manageable pain because I felt real again. I had escaped the endless night. I gained control as I lay on my back in the sand with my eyes closed, devoid of strength. Yes, it was sand beneath me. At least I could figure out that much. And I was wet. A deep voice crooned in the background, strong and soothing. �śCan you hear me? You're going to be okay. You're safe now.” My eyes fluttered open, searching for the voice, blinking to clear away the fuzzy vision. As I came into focus, two shimmering eyes gazed down at me in concern. Could it be? I blinked again. Was I hallucinating? They were�Śthey were�Śthe eyes, the ones from my dream. I was almost certain. They were the glowing green eyes I’d spent the day searching for at school; the ones that sparkled, with the mystery person attached to them. I’d spent half the day chasing after these eyes and now here they were. By some wonderful twist of fate, the eyes from my dreams now hovered over me as I shivered. As if the toss of the waves hadn't rattled me enough, his penetrating stare sent me into shock. My wide eyes couldn’t break from his. I'd never felt so elated to be driven to delusion.� My mouth gaped open, causing me to lose my breath and cough repeatedly. �śJust relax,” he said. �śYou should start to feel better in a few minutes.” His voice was so calming. I continued to gape at him, speechless. No earthly gemstone compared to the brilliance of the eyes peering down at me. They were like aqua diamonds, brilliant and crystal clear like the waters of a waveless Caribbean beach. The inner circle surrounded by a deeper ring of emerald and a tiny hint of blue. They glowed, with facets refracting light in every direction. They were mesmerizing. They didn't seem real. He didn't seem real. Maybe this wasn't real at all. Maybe it was just a creation in my mind, shielding itself from a slow, drowning death. I reached my hand to his face to feel it. Would it float away into the night like my mother's? No, his golden skin remained solid beneath my touch. It was smooth and warm, free from imperfections. Aside from a slight five o’clock shadow along the bottom of his chin, his skin was flawless, almost too perfect. �śAre you real?” I whispered, running my finger down his cheek. He grinned and chuckled at my expense. His sandy brown hair hung in shaggy waves over the tops of his ears, dripping slightly. I had to resist the urge to run my fingers through the lightly sun-kissed strands. It was hard for me to believe he was really here. �śThis is just my imagination, isn't it?” I said. I frowned as another option came to mind. �śOr�Śam I�Śdead? Is this heaven?” My voice cracked at the thought, but it was the only place I could imagine feeling this way. There was no trace of my earlier depression. Instead I was filled with wonder. �śNo, no,” he laughed. �śI promise I'm real. And you're definitely not dead. You hit your head, but you're going to be fine.” He was amused by my misconceptions. I wanted to believe him with every ounce of my being, but it seemed too good to be true. I felt oddly safe with this stranger, more than I ever had with anyone else. His calming presence was almost enough to suppress the sting in my throat. My face tightened as I swallowed. �śHere, drink this,” he said. He held a plastic bottle of water to my mouth, propping my torso up in his lap. �śIt will soothe the burn.” His touch sent a shiver up my back. I'd never felt the slightest bit nervous around any boys I'd known, but with him my stomach wouldn’t stop jumping. Yet, somehow I was completely at ease and comfortable at the same time. I was confused by my own contrasting emotions. I sipped at the water, body shaking in the cool air. His torso lunged at a sweatshirt lying next to him on the ground. His movements were agile, barely rocking me in his lap. I lost sight of his glistening eyes and realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. Whoa. He was strong. I stared at his suntanned chest. I was usually better controlled around muscles but in this case, I just kept staring. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and turned back to my direction. I'd swear he was holding back a smile. Was he purposely teasing me? My eyes darted away, embarrassed. He must’ve pulled off the sweater in a hurry because the zipper was still intact. He unzipped it in less than a second with a single fluid maneuver and draped the black hoodie over my body. I was too distracted to notice the wind against my wet clothes until I felt the warmth of his sweater. I curled up, secure, easing my shaking limbs. The sweater looked faded and worn, but the inner lining was soft. A musky scent filled the air around my face where the hood rested on my chest. I took a deep breath, inhaling it discreetly. There was something about a boy’s sweater that was hard to resist. He wasn't quite a boy though. Despite his smooth, youthful perfection, he seemed more like a man. Something about him was mature and masculine. He had to be at least a couple years older than me, nineteen or twenty maybe? There was a confidence about him that made me feel secure. As if, no matter what happened, no matter what harm came my way, he could protect me. I lay there for a moment allowing my energy to return. The throbbing dulled to a shallow pain around the bump on my head and my throat became smooth again as I sipped at the water. Even though my strength returned quickly, I was in no hurry to move from the comfort of my rescuer's arms. I didn’t remember meeting him before, but somehow I knew him. Rather than meeting for the first time, it felt almost like a reunion. Could he really be the boy from my dreams? If I had seen him before, in real life, there was no way I would've forgotten him. What was it about him that felt so familiar and right? It seemed silly to think this way about someone I'd just met. It wasn't normal or reasonable. But I knew I felt something, I just couldn't explain it. My eyes remained fixed on his face, spellbound, unable to look away. I feared he might disappear. His gaze met mine and his expression intensified. It seemed he felt the same way, like he knew me too. Suddenly the earth stopped spinning. It was only the two of us moving together through space and time, as if the universe finally came into balance. His mouth turned up at the corners, smiling gently through his eyes. He didn't say anything, just looked at me thoughtfully like he knew what I was thinking. His hand brushed along my forehead, smoothing a stray hair through his fingers and back into place. If I could freeze time, I would choose this moment. Of all the pleasant things I'd experienced in my life, none could compare. There was something unspoken between us, a feeling I couldn't deny. Something I couldn't explain. Was it absurd to think he loved me? Yes, that would be ridiculous. We barely knew each other. I'd always been a romantic, but I didn't believe in love at first sight. I could see how someone might become infatuated by another person and want to spend every waking moment with them; but true love, real, lasting love, came by knowing someone completely and accepting them for who they were. Yet somehow in this moment it seemed possible, irrational, but possible. Logic would certainly argue otherwise. We’d barely spoken a few words to each other and I knew nothing about him, but my heart believed it might be true. Suddenly he turned his face, breaking his gaze from mine. My heart dropped, the earth settling back to its normal rotation. Distance moved between us as he mumbled something under his breath. It was hard to make out, but it sounded like he said, remember the code. It didn't really make sense. The unspoken connection between us was lost. It was a beautiful moment, whatever it was, but it was over. I wouldn't forget it, I was sure of that. How could I possibly, when it left my heart changed forever? He sat for a few minutes staring off at the horizon, but it felt like an eternity. He didn't speak, deep in thought. I wanted to say something but there weren't any words. Then he turned back to me, his expression resolved. �śAre you feeling better now?” he said in a polite tone. I hesitated, not wanting anything to change. �śUh, yes, much better.” �śIt'll be dark soon. Let me help you up.” He lifted me effortlessly from his protective cradle to stand me upright. I wasn't ready to leave. I wanted to drop down and cling to his leg, pinning him to the ground. But I ignored the childish impulse and smiled, thanking him. �śHow do you feel?” he asked. �śDo you think you can walk all right?” For being through such an ordeal, I felt surprisingly well, almost normal�"at least physically. �śI'm okay.” I said. I smiled to hide my disappointment. �śThank you so much for saving me. Is there anything I can do to thank you?” I looked up at him hopefully. A hug? I thought. A Kiss? An eternal vow of my undying love? �śKnowing you're okay is thanks enough,” he said, a wide boyish smile forming on his face, revealing a faint dimple near his left cheek. A butterfly fluttered in my stomach. His expression was charming and playful compared to his earlier, serious demeanor�"as if nothing even happened, as if he was just a sweet guy that happened to be in the right place at the right time to help me out, as if he didn't feel any of the emotions I had felt. He picked up his t-shirt crumpled on the ground and threw it over his head, then walked a few feet to my bag and rested it on his shoulder. He grabbed my towel and shook it to release the sand. �śCome on,” he said. �śI'll walk you to the shuttle.” Every minute with him counted now. I didn't know how many more I would have. �śOkay,” I said. I trotted to his side, not able to suppress a smile when I was near him. The sun grew low in the sky as we made our way across the shore. A few clouds reflected pink and orange hues around the muted glow of the setting sun. I tried to think of something to say to break the silence. It was rare for me to be at such a loss for words. I knew he was going to leave soon, but I didn't want him to. Was there anything I could say to persuade him to stay with me? I made an attempt at normal conversation. I wasn't sure what else to do. �śDo you go to school around here?” I asked, hoping to find out more about him. I was almost positive he was the face I saw at school today. �śNo,” he said. I sighed. �śOh, for some reason I thought I'd seen you at my school before.” � �śI haven't been at any schools recently,” he said without hesitation. �śYou must have me confused with someone else.” I was a little perplexed. It had to be him. I would swear on my mother's life. We reached the edge of the beach and continued up the paved path towards the shuttle stop. �śSo if you're not in school, what do you do?” I asked. I wished I could know every detail about him right this minute. �śBesides saving damsels in distress from drowning of course.” He chuckled once. �śYou guessed it actually. Saving beautiful girls from danger is my favorite hobby.” Was he implying he thought I was beautiful? I felt a tinge of hope. It was probably vain of me, but I took it as a compliment. I swayed towards him, my arm brushing his. �śNo, really,” I said, feeling flattered. �śWhat else do you do? Besides that�Ś” It was hard not to feel flirtatious, especially when he looked at me with those eyes. �śI work,” he said vaguely, like it was fun for him to withhold as much information from me as possible. �śYou work? Wow that really narrows it down.” My tone was sarcastic but he was too cute to even pretend to be frustrated with. I couldn't control my smile around him. My cheeks were starting to hurt as we walked up the path. �śIt's�Ścomplicated,” he said. I wasn't getting anywhere with this conversation, almost like he was purposely hiding something from me. Why was he being so mysterious? The desire to unravel his secrets only multiplied my interest. �śStart with your name then,” I said. �śThat can’t be complicated.” He just smiled this frustrating, devious smile and walked ahead of me to the shuttle stop. I stared at his back in disbelief. He set my stuff on a bench and motioned to me. �śYou should sit down. You don't want to exert yourself after a head injury.” I followed his suggestion and moved to the bench, feeling both frustrated and intrigued. He was so impossibly interesting. His presence was dauntless and protective, but somehow thoughtful and kind at the same time. I moved near him and his hand guided me in front of the bench, but I turned towards him instead of sitting. His stance shifted back, pulling slightly away. I wanted to reach out and hold him, but I refrained, feeling unsure. I stood there unmoving, still gazing up at him. He was tall compared to a lot of boys I knew. I searched his face for any sign of reciprocation and moved closer. This time he didn’t move away. �śThank you again,” I said softly, looking up at him through my lashes. There was a long, heavy pause. I waited breathlessly for his response. His glowing eyes met mine and their radiance hypnotized me. I could see nothing else. I felt it again, the unexplainable connection between us. Time slowed. I inched towards him, wishing for his lips on mine. His hand lifted gently to my waist, sending a thrill through me in every direction. Never before had I felt the desire to kiss someone so fervently, the divine first kiss I’d always dreamed of. There was no trace of resistance left on his face. He leaned towards me and my heart raced. Our faces grew slowly together as I looked from his dazzling eyes to his inviting lips. Two bright headlights glared around the corner at the top of the hill, cutting through the darkening sky. I flinched and his gaze broke from mine. �śThat's the shuttle,” he said, his tone almost relieved. His hands fell to his sides. I leapt on my toes to reach his smooth face, pressing my lips to his cheek. He gave me half a smile and took a step back. �śTake care, okay?” His voice was apologetic and genuine with concern as he hurried towards the path. �śWait, you're not coming?” I blurted with desperation. He was leaving now and there was nothing I could do to stop him. �śI'm going to walk. Don't miss the shuttle,” he ordered over his shoulder. I watched his silhouette disappear in the shadows and regret washed over me. I had no way to find him again. No phone number, no address, not even his name. The shuttle pulled beside me and the door opened. I hesitated glancing from the bus to the path. I could run after him. But I had the feeling he didn't want to be found. I conceded to his instructions and boarded the small bus that would transport me to the parking lot across the highway, knowing I didn't have any other options. I hugged my rescuer's sweatshirt around me, smelling his scent. He was almost more mysterious now than when he was just a glimpse of a face playing hide-and-seek. How was I supposed to concentrate on anything else now? It was dark when I stepped off the shuttle, and pointless to search the quiet parking lot for him while I made my way to the car. But I scanned the lot anyway. Even though deep down I knew he wouldn't be there, I still felt disappointed at his absence. I didn't bother to play music driving home. All I wanted to do was relive those few moments I had with him in my mind. When I got to my house the night felt never-ending. I tried to be normal, but I just�Śwasn't. I physically went through the motions of dinner and homework, but my mind wasn't there. I played the encounter at the beach in my head again and again. I tried to focus on the words in my textbook, but all I saw was him; his eyes, his smile, his comforting voice. At least there was no sign of the sadness I felt earlier. Today’s crazy spell was definitely the worst one so far, but ever since the mysterious boy pulled me from the ocean, he was all I could think about. I was thrilled to be free of the gloomy chains that had imprisoned me, but I still didn’t feel quite like myself. My mind was far away in the clouds. I lay on my bed daydreaming and listening to music. For the first time in my life, I drowned myself in sappy love songs. It was exhilarating and painful at the same time. My mind wandered to his tussled hair and the gentle curve of his lips, remembering the moment they almost touched mine. Desperate and frustrated, I slammed my hands into the blankets. Would I ever see him again? Was there any chance he was thinking about me too? I sat on the bed and examined his sweatshirt. It was the only sure evidence he was real, not some hallucination conjured by a near death experience.� � � The black fabric was faded and soft beneath my fingers. Small red stitching marked the holes where the tie was supposed to thread, but the strings were missing. There was a blue, oval-shaped logo in the top corner, a drawing of Huntington pier surrounded by the surf and blue sky. I flipped the sweater over and smoothed it on the bed. As if spending time with the sweater brought me somehow closer to its owner. The same logo was printed larger on the back, with brown letters around the edges that read, Huntington Beach on the top and Surf City USA along the bottom. I pictured him wearing it, I pictured him smiling in it, I pictured him cradling his arms around me and hugging me in it. I hugged the sweatshirt to my chest with a sigh and heard a quiet thump on the bed. A tiny silver flask, maybe an inch or two long, rolled against my leg. It must have fallen from the pocket of his sweater. I examined it carefully in my hand. It was cylinder-shaped with a rounded bottom. The metal surface was covered with a pattern of ornate, silver vines; and it had an old feel to it, like it was antique. I had to see if there was anything inside. The lid flipped open when I tugged on it gently. Suddenly I felt wary and glanced around the room, worried someone was watching, but of course I was alone. I continued my study. There was a strange spout at the top, but it was too small to see inside. The only natural thing to do was to see if anything would pour out. I held the tiny flask upside down over my palm and a single drop of liquid dripped from the opening. My eyes widened as I tried to remember to breath. At least I thought it was liquid, but the iridescent substance didn’t feel wet in my hand. I ran a finger through the silvery spot on my palm and it vanished into my skin. Then it occurred to me. What if this wasn’t something I should let touch me? What if it was poison or something? I stared unmoving at my hand waiting for something to happen. There was just the tiniest tingling sensation and then it was gone. I didn’t feel poisoned. In fact I felt super good, like I had a sudden surge of energy. What was the boy doing with this crazy stuff in his pocket anyway? I pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt up my arms and covered my head with the hood, bundling myself completely and rolling on my pillow. It made me feel more secure somehow. I didn't take it off the rest of the night, like a child with her blanket. I continued to lie on my bed and play with the cuff of his sleeve. Some of the seams looked frayed, like it had been worn quite a bit. Maybe it was his favorite. I wished he would come looking for me to retrieve it. The mystery was killing me. I had no control; no way to find him or figure out who he was. I should have tried to follow him, to get even the tiniest clue how to find him. It was going to drive me insane. This couldn’t be the end. I would find him again. I had to. � � � � � � 5. VOSS REMEMBERS THE PAST� � � � � � � Voss gutted and skinned the rabbit, then cooked it with a homemade spit over the fire. It was the same fire that burned since he’d been left to deteriorate. There was almost no rain in Cayno. The only source of fresh water lay deep in the ground. It was amazing the amount of life still managing to survive, trees, animals, and insects. Of course, none of them were plump with health. Everything here struggled to stay alive. Every single inmate that found himself here withered to nothing aside from Voss. He trained from an early age, his intelligence unmatched. His station gave him assets others only dreamed about and he never hesitated to use them to his advantage. He rubbed his fingers across his chest before taking a mouthful of meat, remembering the precious object, his prime source of survival. He thought it might have been luck that he came upon it, perhaps even fate. Ultimately he credited his own superior skills and aptitude that won him the prize that would now be the key to his freedom. It was a stone of great value, of power, and there was only a handful in existence. It kept him sane while others languished in deprivation. No one sent to Cayno was meant to survive. It was a death sentence to a slow and torturous demise. He was the only one clever enough to hide the stone where no one would think to search�"implanted in his heart. No suspicion rose when they’d done their final search, stripping him of all his possessions. Those clueless fools. The stone was almost impossible to detect, even with exceptional technology, because its primary structure was identical to water. Voss chewed at his rabbit impatiently. There was nothing left to prepare. He already had his arsenal of homemade weapons, his endless spools of rope, his body in top physical condition, his mind focused and ready. The endless waiting punished him. Left only with his animosity to fester and eat away at his sanity. How much longer would he be forced to endure before his plans would be reality? He allowed his mind to wander as he so often did. The only mental relief he could find was to push out the harsh reality with pleasant memories; memories of a time far in his past�Ś � *** � Voss lounged on his side, stroking the delicate skin down her arm. The morning light danced across her auburn hair in swirls above her head as it flowed across the seams of her pillow. She rolled towards him with a sleepy smile. �śWe should buy this place.” � �śOh really�Ś” he said, enslaved by her charm. He rolled his body to hover over hers in playful domination. �śTwo weeks of freedom wasn’t long enough for you?” �śI don’t want to go back,” she pouted. �śEven the missions are becoming dull.” �śAnd lying around a beach house all day is full of excitement?” he teased. Syreen frowned. Her legs locked around his knee, skillfully flipping his back to the mattress. Her arms flew to his shoulders pinning him to the bed. �śPlease? It’s not like we don’t have the money,” she said. �śIt could be our little secret.” She placed seductive kisses down his cheek and neck. �śWe wouldn’t have to tell anyone we bought it�Ś” she said, lashes fluttering. �śNot even your mother?” She grinned. �śEspecially not my mother.” He would do anything for her. �śYou convinced me,” he said. �śIt’ll be our little secret.” Her face lit up as she clapped her hands near her chin. He could have easily removed her physical hold on him, but it was more fun to watch her reaction. He lived to put a smile on her face. She jumped off the bed and held out her hand. �śCome on,” she said. �śIt’s a beautiful day. We don’t want to miss it.” He followed after her through the French doors across the room. They opened to a balcony extended out over the edge of the cliffs.� Her silken nightgown swayed in the ocean breeze as he watched her admire the view. �śSyreen�Ś” he called softly. She turned to him, her eyes like luminous violets. �śI love you.” She smiled brightly, pretending to be surprised. �śYou love me? I must be a lucky girl.” It was their little game, no one else’s. �śOh you definitely are.” He pulled her in close, her giggles hushed by his lips. � *** � Voss’s mind jerked back to the present. The figure of his lost love slipped away and faded from his fingers. There was a whisper of rustling leaves and he clutched at his knife. A wild gleam hit his eyes and he jumped to his feet in less than a second. His trap sprung upwards in the tree, a man ensnared and dangling from one foot. It was a new prisoner. Voss sprung to the edge and released an arrow. It pierced the first guard’s chest without a blink. With ropes slung over his shoulder, Voss hurled himself off the top of the arch. He crashed onto his target knocking the second guard to the ground. His knife slit the man’s throat, stunning him with pain. Voss moved swiftly, entangling the guard with his ropes. The other guard pulled the arrow from his flesh and charged towards him. Voss’s knife hurdled through the air, stabbing the guard through the neck. Adrenalin rushed through his veins. He bound the second guard’s hands and legs behind his back. He stood breathless and covered in blood. This was it; this was his time. A sinister laugh bellowed deep from his gut. It was almost too easy. He ignored the cries from the prisoner dangling above him in the tree and grabbed one of the guards by the collar. He dragged the floundering man across the dirt, coming within inches of the Threshold entrance under the archway of boulders. He skimmed his free hand over the surface of the wall which shimmered like flowing water before him. His fingers easily penetrated the once solid exterior. He sneered and stopped for only seconds to revel in his triumph.� �śJust try to stop me now,” he said, plunging both their bodies through the Threshold wall without looking back. � � � � � � 6. THE INTERCOM� � � � � � I couldn’t just lie on my bed all night and daydream about the mysterious green-eyed boy. I would drive myself to insanity. I sat up trying to figure out what I could possibly do. Then I noticed my diary sitting on the white dresser outside my closet door. Writing down my thoughts was always a good way to clear my mind. If I got everything out on paper, maybe I could free myself from at least some of the wondering. After I found a pen, I propped myself up on my bed and brought my knees to my chest, using them as a table to rest the diary while I wrote. I didn’t keep a typical diary. I wrote letters instead. It started when I was a little girl, when my mom used to tell me a bedtime story about how she met my dad. It was my favorite story. She would tuck me snugly in my blankets and sit beside me on the bed. �śOnce upon a time,” she would say with animation: � � �Śthere was a young nurse named Leena. She loved her happy life and her job helping people get better when they were sick. She never thought she could be any happier, until, one day there appeared a handsome and mysterious man. He was visiting a very sick patient in the hospital. � The young nurse went to the patient’s room to bring him some medicine. There she saw the mysterious man sitting at the side of the patient’s bed, a few small tears in his blue eyes. The tears made his eyes glisten in the light. � She asked if she could help him in some way, but he told her the patient would get better, he was just sad to see him suffer from his illness. The nurse felt sad for the patient too and gave the handsome man a hug. They both liked the hug so much that they fell in love and never wanted to be apart. They spent every minute they could together. � But one day, the mysterious man disappeared. She never heard from him again. The only thing he left her was a note saying how much he loved her and a beautiful flower unlike any flower she’d ever seen. It was so special that it mysteriously bloomed for weeks and weeks before it finally withered and dried. � The poor nurse was very sad and lonely after the handsome man went away, but without knowing it, he gave her another gift besides the special flower. He gave her a gorgeous baby girl, named Sadie. The moment the young nurse looked into the precious face of her little girl, she knew she would never be sad again�Śthe end. � � I asked my mom to tell me that story almost every night. When I was six or seven years old, I began to wonder more seriously about the mysterious man and pieced together that he was my father. I remembered sitting down with a crayon and paper and writing him the first letter, just like my mom had me write to Santa for Christmas. I never mailed them, but ever since that night, I'd written countless letters to my absent father in place of traditional diary entries. The pages felt soft and worn as I thumbed through some of the earlier letters. I wrote a couple of the oldest ones on separate pieces of paper before I received the diary. It was probably around first grade when I was given the actual book, but I couldn’t remember for sure. The loose letters were folded in the pocket inside the front cover. I slid one from the sleeve and smoothed it open with my hand. Large letters scribbled in blue crayon covered the page. It was decorated with a simple drawing of the sun in the corner and pink flowers around the edges. I started to read: � � � � � � � � � � � � Dear Dad, � Mom told me the storee abowt how you met. I realy like it a lot. Why wood you want to leeve the nurs (mom)? I wish I new where you are. I got to bee a strawberi in the skool play. I think I did good. I wish you cood come. � Love, Sadie � � � � � � � � � � � � I chuckled at my spelling skills as memories of childhood flooded my thoughts. I continued to reminisce, reading through a few more of the elementary letters, then returned them gently to the pocket in the front of the book. I skimmed forward through the pages and stopped on an excerpt that looked like it was from middle school, my handwriting still larger and more rounded than it was now. I read the page written entirely in purple ink: � � � � � � � � � Dear Dad, � I hope it’s not weird that I write you letters when I have no idea who you are. I just think about you sometimes and wish I knew you better. � Anyway, remember that boy Austin that I told you about, that talked to me in my Algebra class the other day? Well, Heather talked to his friend, Brad, and he said Austin wants to invite me to his boy-girl party next weekend. I wonder if Mom would say yes if I asked her if I could go. I bet she’ll say yes, she pretty much always lets me do stuff like that. � If you were here for real, what would you say? Heather’s dad isn’t very strict, but some of our other friend’s dads won’t let them go to parties if there’s going to be boys there. Maybe they’re afraid they’re going to kiss them or something. Austin is kind of cute, but I don’t know if I want to kiss him. I hope they don’t play spin the bottle. Why would you want to kiss someone without even getting to pick who it is? � Did you kiss Mom a lot when you guys were in love? You probably did, since she got pregnant. Mom had a talk with me the other day about how girls get pregnant, even though I pretty much already knew about it from talking to my friends and watching movies. � Would you have stayed with Mom if you knew about me? Mom says you probably had a good reason why you had to leave because you were a good person and would always do the right thing. She doesn’t tell me a lot about you though, that’s why I still have so many questions I wish I could ask. � I wonder if you can feel that I’m thinking about you right now. � Wow, this letter is getting pretty long. I probably should go to bed now, so that’s it for tonight�Ś � Love, Sadie � � While I read the letter, I reflected more about my dad. I didn’t know much about him. I wasn't sure my mom knew much about him either. He was a huge mystery. For a moment I closed my eyes and leaned back on the headboard, wondering who was more frustrating�"the elusive boy from the beach or my father. When I was younger I wasn’t concerned about my dad because I didn’t know any better. I’d never known a life that included a father. The closest comparison I had was my grandpa, but I was only four years old when he passed away. I could barely remember him now. I loved my mom and we had a happy life together, but something inside me wouldn’t stop speculating what it would be like if I knew my dad. But there was really nothing I could do about it. Shaking off the thought, I sat back up and found the last entry in my diary. I was a little surprised when I realized it was from several months ago. Usually I wrote fairly often, but for some reason I hadn’t written anything since I started my senior year. I turned to the next blank page and began writing: � � Dear Dad, � Sorry I haven’t written in a while. It’s my senior year now at school and I guess for the most part it’s been a good year. � I had tons of fun over the summer. Heather and I were practically inseparable, as usual. This summer was probably the most fun we’ve ever had now that we both have cars. We spent a lot of time down at the beach or shopping, and hanging out at her house by the pool. Plus there was always some kind of party or bonfire going on with all of our other friends. � Mom and I also went down to San Diego one weekend for vacation. We went to Sea World and it was a lot of fun. You might think I’m getting a little old for that type of thing, but I’ll never get tired of anything that has cute animals involved. Mom’s a grown woman and she probably had more fun than I did! � Speaking of Mom�Śshe always acts like everything’s perfect and wonderful, but sometimes I worry about her. I don’t want her to be alone for the rest of her life. Graduation still feels a long ways off, but I’m sure I’ll have to go out on my own at some point in the future and then she’ll be all by herself. � Anyway, there’s actually something else on my mind I really wanted to get off my chest. It’s this boy I met today. I don’t even know where to start. I was feeling sad so I went to the beach and the next thing I knew this incredible guy was pulling me from the water because I almost drowned. � And the weirdest part is, I think I know him from somewhere. Only, I have absolutely no idea how or why. I keep having these dreams about a boy with green eyes and I could’ve sworn this guy today was him, but he wouldn’t even tell me his name. Am I losing my mind? � I just can’t get him out of my head. He was so amazing. It was like�Śmy whole world revolved around only him. I think I could even be in love. But, seriously, I don’t even know who he is. Is that possible? The whole thing sounds kind of crazy, right? � I think it’s very possible that I am, in fact, losing my mind. It’s not just the boy. Things have been a little tough lately. I’ve been getting depressed for no reason. It comes in waves and then just disappears. Should I be worried? You know I’m not much of a worrier, but lately I can’t help it. � It’s like someone keeps pushing me into someone else’s skin for a while and then suddenly I’m me again. Even hanging out with friends isn’t as fun as it used to be and Heather keeps complaining I never spend time with her anymore. � I haven’t told Mom about any of this. I usually tell her everything, but I’ve never had such crazy issues before. I don’t want to upset her. � If you were here, maybe you would have some advice for me. Aren’t dads supposed to be good with that type of thing? I’m just guessing. I have no clue what dads are like, especially you. I have no clue about you at all. That’s so frustrating! � I wish I could talk to you, even just for one day. At least then I wouldn’t have to wonder all the time. Who are you? What are you like? Why did you have to leave? Where have you been all this time????? � I think Mom misses you even though she’d probably never admit it. She tries so hard to stay positive, for both our sakes. Is it possible for me to miss you too, even if I’ve never met you? For some reason I feel like I really miss you.� � Love, Sadie � � *** � I must have fallen asleep. My body still leaned against the headboard but had slumped over a few pillows while unconscious. My knees remained pulled to my chest with my diary resting near my leg where it had fallen shut. The light hurt my tired eyes and my sense of time was all off. I glanced at the clock. It was almost 1:00 A.M. This was past the time I expected my mom home from work, but if she had come home she would’ve come in and switched off the light. I crawled over my bed to the window and surveyed the front yard, peeking through the collection of drapes. Her car was parked in the driveway. Huh. Was she home after all? Just then a faint noise sounded from the living room. It was probably her. I was relieved she might still be awake. After such a strange day, it would be nice to see her smiling face. I opened the bedroom door and my voice cracked down the hall. �śMom?” I scratched my head and yawned, poking my head in the living room. �śSadie, honey, you’re still up?” she said. I yawned again. �śSort of. I accidentally fell asleep in my clothes. I just got up to come say goodnight.” I collapsed next to her on the couch. �śPlus I could use a hug from my favorite person.” For a moment I embraced her but she quickly tilted back to search my expression. �śSweetheart, is everything okay?” I would spare her the details of the strange afternoon. �śIt was just a long day,” I said. �śNo big deal.” Mom’s eyes looked puffy and tired. I wondered if she’d been crying. �śAre you all right?” I asked. �śYou look like you could use a hug too.” She gazed across the room. �śWe lost one of our patients tonight. You know how that affects me.” �śOh. Sorry, Mom. Was it someone you knew well?” Her voice cracked slightly, holding back emotion. �śIt was an older woman, named Grace. She was a sweet lady. She was in my department for about ten days before she passed. I don't think she complained even once about the pain she was in. She was funny too, always making me laugh�Ś” She smiled sadly, remembering her friend. I leaned my head on her shoulder. �śThat's what I love about you, Mom. You knew her just over a week and you were already wonderful friends.” She cleared her throat. �śWell, I didn't know her that well. She was old. She lived a long and full life. I'm fine with it.” Was she trying to convince me or her? �śYeah, I guess,” I said. �śBut you know it’s okay to feel sad, right? I mean, you don't need to hide your feelings for my sake.” �śDon't worry about me, sweetheart. I'm fine.” She patted the top of my hand. �śEnough about me, I want to hear about your day.”� She tucked one leg under her with a bounce. I recognized her fake, happy face. I didn’t push the subject. She had a rough night and I didn't want to upset her. It would be hypocritical of me to expect her to open up anyway, since I wasn't being completely upfront about everything either. �śIt wasn't anything special,” I said. �śJust long and boring really.” �śCome on, you have to give me more than that.” I rolled my eyes. �śOh, all right.” I scanned the events of my day looking for a safe subject of conversation. There wasn’t anything from this afternoon I wanted to tell her about, especially not the depression or the near-drowning accident. So I had to think back to school, which seemed like forever ago, and remembered my conversation with Nick Christensen. �śWell, I have a date this Friday,” I finally said. She clapped her hands like a child at Christmas. I had a feeling she would like that. �śReally? You should’ve told me sooner, silly.” She swatted my knee as if it were a crime I withheld such wonderful news from her. �śSo who are you going with? What is he like?” It was hard to feel her enthusiasm about my date with Nick when I knew the mystery boy was out there somewhere. �śHis name is Nick, but I don't actually know him that well.” �śThat's not a big deal,” she said. �śThat's why you go on dates, to get to know each other.” I tried to give her a smile. �śMaybe you're right. He seems harmless enough.” She attempted to conceal a yawn. �śSo what are you guys planning to do?” She looked like she needed rest, but I knew she would try to keep going. I thought I'd let her off the hook. Plus, I was exhausted after such a long day. �śActually, Mom, I'm pretty tired. Is it okay if we talk about it tomorrow?” �śOh, honey, I’m so sorry. Of course we can. I didn't mean to keep you up so late.” She gave me a kiss on the forehead. �śSweet dreams, Sadie-bear.” �śNight, Mom.” I threw on my pajamas and slid under the sheets in my bed, ready for the day to be over. As soon as I closed my eyes, my body melted into the mattress like chocolate on a hot summer sidewalk. � *** � The next morning I prepared for the day as usual. I didn’t wear my rescuer’s faded, black sweater to school, but I did grab his intriguing silver flask with the mystery liquid inside. I wasn’t sure why I brought it with me. I guess I just wanted to know that a small part of him would be near me all day. I walked down the hallway expecting to find my mom but she wasn't around. The kitchen was empty too. That was odd. I went back to her room and knocked on the door. �śMom?” It was quiet for a moment, then the patter of footsteps. The door swung open. She was half dressed, her head wrapped in a towel. I couldn’t remember the last time I was ready for the day before her. �śMorning.” She hopped on one foot yanking a sock over the other. �śSorry, I'm running a little behind. Give me just a minute and I'll get breakfast started.” I couldn't help but laugh at her. She leaned against the edge of her bed, the decorative pillows aligned neatly. Even when she was late, she never left the house without her bed in perfect order. It had something to do with an article she read about making your room a stress-free sanctuary. �śNo, don’t worry,” I said. �śI’ll feed myself. I just want cereal.” �śAre you sure? I'm almost ready.” �śDidn't I tell you?” I said. �śCereal is my new favorite food. You have your meal and a beverage all in one. It's like killing two birds with one stone.” �śLooks like I raised a multi-tasker.” She pulled a tank top over her head while hovering over her jewelry box at the same time. �śCareful,” she joked, �śyou could end up like your mother.” She dropped an earring and plopped on the floor to search for it. I spotted it just behind her, hiding among the fibers of the carpet. �śHere it is,” I said. She shoved it in her ear. �śThanks, sweetie, what would I do without you?” I laughed. �śI don't even want to imagine.” She laced her tennis shoe. �śI'm heading to yoga class this morning. I think I could use the extra endorphins.” �śThat sounds so good right now,” I said. �śMaybe I should work out when I get home tonight.” I made a mental note of the idea. �śOh that reminds me,” she said. �śI'm thinking about riding my bike to work today. So don't worry if you see my car here later and I'm not home.” �śYou're riding your bike? I don't think that's a good idea.” �śDon't be silly,” she said, arranging her damp hair in a bun. �śIt's only a few miles away.” She turned to face me. �śYou think your mother’s getting too old to ride her bike a few miles down the road?” �śNo, that's not what I meant, at all. Not even close. You're more fit than most people my age.” I didn’t have to lie. She was incredibly in-shape for her age. The lines smoothed on her face, content with my answer. �śYou just get off work so late,” I explained. �śI thought it might not be safe to ride your bike home alone.” �śOh you don't need to worry about that. I arranged a ride home with Mar– ” She stopped and corrected herself. �śDr. Jensen. He has a bike rack on his car. He offered to take me home anytime I want to ride my bike to work.” I knew exactly who she was talking about, Dr. Mark A. Jensen. I'd met him a couple of times over at the hospital. He was hard to miss. My tone was thick with implication. �śOh really? The most gorgeous and single doctor at the hospital just happened to offer you a ride, any time you want?” �śIt's not like that, Sadie.” Her voice was abrupt, but her tone softened. �śHe’s very handsome. But don't worry, we're just friends.” I never understood why my mom was so unwilling to open herself up to meeting someone. I could barely convince her to go on dates, let alone get into a serious relationship. �śThat's exactly what I am worried about. You have handsome men interested in you, but you won't give them the time of day.” �śOh please, that’s not true.” I folded my arms to my chest and sent her a look that said I wasn’t convinced. �śI just want to focus on what's most important right now�Śthat’s my career.” She paused then added, �śAnd spending time with my adorable, irrational daughter, who suddenly thinks that she's the parent�Ś” She made light of the situation, as usual. Of course, most of the time, I was happy to live in ignorant bliss right along with her. �śWhatever do you mean?” I joked. There really was no use in fighting her. She grabbed her keys off the night stand. �śI have to get going, sweetheart. Have a great day, okay?” She kissed my forehead with an exaggerated puckering sound. �śAnd try to loosen up, Sadie-bear. You seem so serious lately. It’s not like you.” Mom scurried out the door as I mumbled under my breath, �śI know.” At school, Heather and I walked to first period as usual. She asked me to come to her house tomorrow night to keep her company. Her parents were planning to be gone all evening at a tie-up, which was basically a bunch of people tying their boats together out in the harbor to have a party. Heather didn't live right on the harbor, but her parents owned a mooring to anchor their boat there. They'd been hanging out with the harbor crowd a lot lately. �śMy parents said I was old enough to, like, come with them if I wanted,” Heather said, sounding completely disturbed by the idea. �śMaybe it would be fun,” I said. She looked at me like I should be condemned to an institution. Her voice was dry with sarcasm. �śYou're hilarious, Sade. Being trapped in the middle of the harbor with a bunch of drunk, old fogies is not exactly my idea of a good time.” �śYeah, I guess you're right. But your parents aren't that old. It's not like they need walkers to get around.” �śWell they're old to me,” she said, annoyed. �śSo are you coming tomorrow, or what? My stupid brother's sleeping at a friend's house so we’ll have the whole place to ourselves to do whatever.” I wasn’t really in the mood to hang out, but maybe staying busy would help me avoid another emotional episode and keep my mind off the mysterious boy I had no way to find. �śSure, I'll come,” I said. She smiled, but it looked almost devious. �śGood. And I want to go in the hot tub, so bring a cute bikini. No frumpy one-piece suits allowed at my house.” �śUh, okay,” I said, confused why it mattered what I wore. It was just going to be the two of us. Then again, this was Heather I was talking to. Fashion was a top priority. I was bummed her younger brother, Danny, wasn’t going to be there. He was adorable. Last time I came over he rummaged through the neighborhood picking flowers to make me a bouquet. Of course, he always did things to purposely bother Heather, but I found it entertaining. �śSo Danny’s not going to be home?” I said. �śThat’s too bad.” She gave me a horrified look. �śWhat?” I replied innocently. �śI think he’s cute.” She laughed without humor. �śYeah, but you like everybody. You've probably never had a bad thought about anyone since the day we met in second grade.” What was wrong with her today? She was acting so snotty. Since when was it a crime to like people? Maybe if Heather tried it once in a while, she might see where I was coming from. �śThat's not true,” I said, folding my arms. �śThere are a lot of mean people out there, and I don’t like them.” She rolled her eyes. �śYou wouldn't hurt a fly and you know it.” She didn't mean it as a compliment. We left the hallway, now growing sparse of students, and entered the classroom. Heather waved her hand in the air as if shooing away a pest. �śNow go sit down, before you sprout angel wings or something.” I spent the first ten minutes of class wondering why Heather seemed so annoyed with me. She did still invite me to her house though. I was probably just reading into things. I figured she was just in a bad mood. Maybe her brother made her mad this morning or something. After that my mind went straight back to daydreaming about my forever lost, mystery boy. Second period was more of the same. I took out the small flask in my pocket that I put there this morning. Instead of listening to my teacher’s lecture, I studied the intricate artwork in the silver, wishing I knew what the substance inside could be. At break I still felt a small hope that he would walk through the crowded school grounds just like he did Monday, but no, the beautiful green eyes were nowhere in sight. At lunch Heather teased me repeatedly as we ate. Why are you so distracted? Is there someone special you're hoping to see? She assumed I was thinking about Nick Christensen which was of course way off. It actually seemed like she wouldn't stop talking about him. Maybe she should be going out with him tomorrow. Then again, a whole day at Disneyland would be a great way to keep my mind off the boy from the beach�"if that was even possible. After Spanish class I was a little nervous about going to photography today, fearing another traumatic, emotional experience. Mr. Brown presented another Ansel Adams piece, making it a theme for the week. But when he displayed Jeffrey Pine, Sentinel Dome to the class, it didn't even faze me. The tree could’ve been perceived as depressing, the way it hung low and billowed over like it was crying, but I didn’t have any problems with my emotions. Instead, all I could picture was the mystery guy poking his face from behind the trunk, winking at me, taunting me to chase him. After school I went straight home and decided to get my homework out of the way, but not before wrapping myself back in the black hooded sweatshirt I left on my bed this morning. I didn’t have a desk in my bedroom so I usually worked in the center room of the house, the computer room as my mom called it. I believed the standard term was home office, but my mother despised the word office. After she had me she continued working at the hospital for a while, but when my grandparents died she was left on her own. Her schedule was too difficult to maintain while trying to raise a child by herself and she couldn’t find a job with a day shift at a doctor’s office. So she gave up what she loved to be home and take care of me. She worked reception at a large insurance company for several years, but she never enjoyed it. I could tell she was unhappy. One time I overheard her talking about it on the phone. She said she felt like an animal trapped inside a tiny cage that was draining the life right out of her.� She would never say that to me though. She was talented at masking her feelings and putting on a happy face. Once I was old enough to be home alone I talked her into going back to the hospital and she seemed much happier now. I scooted my chair to the L-shaped desk and opened my math book. It took me a good hour to complete. I had to keep flipping back to review the example problems, probably due to my trouble listening to the teacher this morning. But I figured it out eventually. A crick formed in my neck from hunching over my books. All I had left was some reading for Econ, so I moved to my bed to get more comfortable. I lay on my stomach using a pillow to rest my chest on, legs crossed in the air. Supply and demand wasn’t exactly the most interesting subject in my opinion. It made sense how it worked�"out there in the business world�"but I wondered if it would ever be relevant information for me in the future. If it was, would I even remember any of it by then? It felt pretty irrelevant to my life at the moment. I sped through the rest of it, shoved the book aside and reached for my radio on the nightstand. The bed bounced as I hopped back onto it and rolled over on my back. With my hands clasped beneath my head, I waved my feet back and forth to the beat of the music, singing whenever I knew the lyrics. I was amazed how long I’d been able to focus without my mind wandering back to those dreamy green eyes�"especially while I was surrounded in his big, nice-smelling sweatshirt; but they started to creep back into my thoughts. This was going to be a really long afternoon if I started back up with the daydreams again. I needed distraction. I went out to the living room and flipped aimlessly through the channels on TV, finally stopping at a movie on one of the cable stations. It was a romantic comedy I'd seen several times. The first half of the movie seemed like it was actually helping, but as soon as the story focused on romance, the attractive male lead lost his identity. His face faded out, overrun by two beautiful green eyes and perfectly smooth skin. When the character spoke, I envisioned my mystery guy saying those words to me instead. The movie didn't help but I finished watching anyway. Even though logic told me to forget him, my heart reveled in the daydreams. I wasn't sure anything could keep my mind off him at this point. I longed for one more moment with the memory of his arm around me as I lay in his lap on the sand. Now that the movie was over an old re-run of one of my favorite sitcoms started on the screen. At the same time my stomach growled with hunger. My mom usually cooked something earlier in the day and would leave it for me to eat for dinner. She was always taking care of me like that. I heated up some lasagna in the microwave which I found in the fridge. Then I brought my food back in the living room to watch the show and enjoy a good laugh. After I ate I glanced out the living room window behind the couch. With the days being shorter in the fall, darkness already covered the sky. It helped make the day feel like it was passing quicker, but really I knew it wasn’t that late yet. I sat on the couch not knowing what to do with myself. Then the strangest urge came over me. I was suddenly tempted to go out to my car and drive around town, hoping to find my mystery boy. Of course the idea was ridiculous. I made it as far as the driveway, keys in hand, before I came to my senses. There was no point in circling through the city when I had no clue where to look. Was I a stalker now? Or some kind of obsessed, crazy person? It was a stupid idea. Not sure what to do with myself, I walked down the driveway to the edge of the street. A gusty breeze circled my steps and I hugged the faded black sweater around my chest. I stopped at the sidewalk's edge, silently scolding myself for being so idiotic. You need to get a hold of yourself. You can't fall in love with someone you've only met once. You don't even know his name. If he really was interested in you, he would have asked you for at least your phone number. You need to forget about him, it’s for your own good. I scanned the moonlit street unsure what I was searching for. A radio hummed faintly from an open garage a few houses down, dim light surrounding the driveway. Several parked cars lined the curbs on both sides of the road and blue lights flashed through the drapes of my neighbor's window from a TV. My gaze settled on the dark house directly across the street. It was hidden behind a decorative wrought iron fence that lined the top of a short, stone wall. The fence encircled the perimeter of the yard, separating it from the outside world with bushes and trees cluttering the outer walls. Most of my neighbors were friendly, always outdoors and ready to greet others, but I never saw anyone emerge from the house across the street. Did anyone even live there? The front door caught my eye at the center of the house. The entry was out of place amid the obscure surroundings. The cottage-style door, charming and white, had a simple pattern of six glass squares covering the top half. Curiosity grew inside me and I started across the street towards it. I wasn’t sure why I suddenly felt interested in the house�"day after day I’d passed by it without a thought. I crept to the front gate and peered through the gaps between the rods. Something about the place drew me in. The white door called to me. I had the urge to knock on the door just a few yards away, but the gate was locked. There was an intercom system imbedded in the stone pillar next to the gate. I examined the box-shaped device and jumped back when a tiny camera scanned towards me. Was somebody watching me? It panned from side to side and stopped, pointing directly at my face. I stared, frozen in place, but I didn't feel scared. A button labeled talk sat just below the camera. I slid my finger to the button and said, �śUm, hello?” I paused, but no one answered. �śI'm Sadie�ŚI live across the street. Is anyone there?” I waited again. There was no sound from the intercom. I continued, believing someone could hear me on the other end. �śI'm really sorry to bother you. I just had a quick question, if you're not too busy�Ś” I smiled at the camera, trying to look friendly.� I wasn't even sure what I wanted to ask. Still no answer. I pressed the button again. �śOkay. Sorry if I bothered you. Have a good night.” I took a few steps backwards, hesitating, hoping for any sign of a response. When nothing happened, I sighed and crossed the street, stopping one last time at the foot of our drive to look back at the alluring house. � � � � � � 7. ASH TAKES A DAY OFF� � � � � � Ash scratched his head with a yawn and moseyed from the master suite of his penthouse, wearing nothing but pajama pants. He kicked aside his combat boots lying in the middle of the floor where he’d left them last night and continued to the kitchen. Sure it was past noon, and a can of soda with potato chips wasn’t exactly the brunch of champions, but after being gone on a grueling mission for two weeks, he deserved a day of pure laziness. Ash shut the drapes to block out the chipper, violet sky and plopped on the couch to flip through the channels on TV. It wasn’t like there was anything worthwhile to do in this city anyway. He was growing tired of the same old thing; elite social events, loose women, underground gambling. It was all meaningless; and he probably had a good two hundred more years of this to look forward to. At least the missions gave him a chance to feel alive again. They kept the blood pumping through his veins. He stared at the TV screen but hardly paid attention, pondering how bored with his life he was. He remembered not long ago when he actually felt like his work made a difference; that it was important. Now, at his young age, he’d already accomplished more than others could dream of in a lifetime, yet it never seemed to be enough. He was not enough. Ash clicked off the TV and tossed the remote aside. Wasn’t there something he could do to fight the slump he’d fallen into? He reached for his soda on the side table and accidentally knocked over a picture frame. He picked up the fallen photo and held it in his lap. He and his best friend, Rayne, stood proudly in their Academy uniforms at graduation. He felt almost nostalgic. Those were the days, weren’t they? Back when he knew what he was working towards; when life had a clear purpose. It had been a while since he’d heard from his old roommate. The longer Rayne was gone on his precious little assignment, the more distant they’d become. He used to drop by to visit Ash at least every month, but not lately. Maybe it was time to drop in on his old friend. Rayne would probably know how to kick him out of the rut. Ash looked at his friend’s goofy grin in the photo and had to chuckle to himself. That lovable schmuck couldn’t have a bad day even if he tried. There was a muffled clank from the other room. Ash went still and placed the picture frame on the couch, listening. His trained ears picked up the faint sound of movement and he reached quietly for the gun secured to the underside of the table. He moved cautiously towards the sound coming from the entryway, ready for confrontation. A gruff, male voice called from around the corner. �śAsh? You here?” Ash peered from behind the wall at the shaggy-looking figure and immediately pounced on him, taking the man to his back. The man glared with hideous black eyes from the floor. �śWhat? You don’t recognize your own father?” Ash stared at the mangy, wrinkled face with disbelief. Was it possible? This man looked like a street rat. Voss smirked with a wild look in his eye. �śGet dressed, son; you have work to do.” Ash would recognize that snide voice anywhere. He released his father in stunned silence. He could only assume the man was a fugitive. Last Ash knew his father was rotting to oblivion in exile; forgetting all about what a horrible disappointment his son was. Voss stood stern and commanding, eyes tight. �śI want a hot shower, a new suit, a fine meal, a bottle of wine�Śand your oath of silence.” � � � � � � 8. NORMAL� � � � � � I turned to the side on my pillow but flipped to my back again. I couldn't relax. I lay in bed for at least an hour, just thinking and thinking. How was I ever going to find those green eyes again? Except for maybe in my dreams tonight. I wore his sweater to bed. I took it off at first but I missed it. It called to me from across the dark room, his face lingering in my mind. And I pictured his lips, the lips that came so close but never touched mine. I longed to know his mysteries. But why? He was just a boy. I felt something though, a connection. Didn’t I? Or was it just a silly crush clouding my judgment? It was probably just how he acted so secretive and the way he disappeared all mysterious that attracted me. If I got to know him, he’d probably be as normal as the next guy, right? Scenes from the last few weeks played through my head like a movie. Technically, nothing much had changed. I caught up with my mom in the mornings, I went to school, I chatted with friends, I did my homework, I listened to music, all normal teenage girl stuff. So why did it feel like everything was different? Wouldn't it be easier to forget all this and go back to life as usual? Could I forget, even if I tried? I wasn't sure I had control over any of it. I thought about earlier in the day when I was doing homework. I’d noticed something strange about the tear-shaped birthmark on my left wrist. The color seemed different, not as black as it usually appeared. It was more like dark blue. I tried to look at it closer in the light, but the change was too subtle. Maybe I just imagined it. I shrugged it off, figuring my eyes were playing tricks on me due to the recent head injury. But getting ready for bed I noticed the mark again. I felt sure it was dark blue. It had always been pitch black my entire life. Why would it suddenly change now? It was so strange. A lot of strange things were going on lately. I almost didn't know who I was anymore. What happened to carefree, fun-loving Sadie? Where was the girl who loved to hang out with friends, dance, and play at the beach? I liked being that girl. It never crossed my mind to be anything else, until now. Did any of those things have meaning to begin with, or was it a bunch of silly nonsense? And was there some purpose to the strange stuff happening to me now? No, I was just reading into things. The crazy spells would probably blow over in a few days and I would go back to life as usual. That sounded easier. My head was swimming, but at least I didn't cry. I didn't feel sad like I did when I saw Mr. Brown's photograph of the rose. I just felt confused. The last few days had been a roller coaster of emotion. I didn't know how much of this I could stand.� I should be enjoying my senior year, shopping, and going to parties like a normal Southern California teenager. � *** � The next thing I knew it was morning. My body felt well-rested but my brain was tired. My sleep had been filled with strange images and dreams creeping in and out of my mind all night. I stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath, wondering if this would be a normal day or one filled with strange surprises. I wanted it to be normal. I was tired of the frustration and wondering about things I couldn't possibly figure out the answers to. I made a goal to do everything I could to make this day as normal as possible, to clear my mind of the confusion. That meant no crying, no contemplating deep subjects, and definitely without question, no fantasizing about mysterious boys. I was careful in my choice of music while showering and getting ready for the day. At first I tried steering clear of music all together, but quickly realized I needed the distraction to push out any wandering thoughts. Anything emotional or lovey-dovey in any way needed to be avoided, which limited my choices; so I stuck to upbeat dance music and even threw in some rap. I figured those were safe selections. I didn't want to take any chances with my emotions. I moved to turn off my bedroom light and hesitated. His black sweatshirt lay at the foot of my bed, looking all cozy and inviting. For a moment I thought about carrying it around with me all day, but I stayed strong. I forced my feet to turn quickly, flipping off the light and leaving my fantasies behind. My mom made oatmeal and toast for breakfast. I moved hesitantly as we carried our bowls to the table. There was a good chance she would ask how my week was going and I wanted to avoid the subject as much as possible. It would only lead to more thinking about all the things I specifically set out to avoid today. I knew my mother would respond poorly if I told her I’d fallen and hit my head at the beach. The last thing I needed was a frantic mother forcing me to the hospital for a scan of my brain. I felt fine. I didn't like keeping secrets from her but some things were best left unsaid. The memory played back in my mind of being knocked off my feet and plunging into the ocean below. I held a hand to my head, feeling the spot where the rock had left its mark, but I couldn't feel anything. There wasn't even a bump. �śMom�Ś” I said. She glanced up from her spoonful of oatmeal and waited for me to continue. �śYes, honey?” The words froze in my throat. I wished I could let my heart release the feelings trapped inside me. I wanted to tell her about everything, the emotional episodes, my fall into the sea, the mysterious boy, my unexplainable attraction to the house across the street, and the suppressed urges to run away from my life despite how wonderful it was. I cast off the impulse immediately. It would lead to unnecessary worry. �śI�ŚI was just wondering what color you wanted to paint the living room this weekend,” I said. �śI don’t know yet. I might go look at some paint samples this morning.” She went back to eating. That was it? I thought the topic would keep her talking all through breakfast. I nodded and focused on my food. The quicker I could finish eating, the less chance she would have to get any information out of me. I took a large bite of toast, chewing rapidly, and shoveled in some oatmeal which seemed particularly thick and hard to swallow today. The moment my mom’s mouth started to form a sentence, I immediately took over the conversation in hopes there wouldn’t be room left for her to ask me any questions in return. The minute she finished one thought, I quickly came up with something else to ask. How was yoga class? Did you enjoy riding your bike to work? Anything new at the hospital? Did you get a ride home from Dr. Jensen? At one point she managed to squeeze in, �śWhat did you do yesterday?” But I was quick to respond, �śNothing out of the ordinary,” and continued on with my rampage of questions, cutting her off as needed. I barely stopped to take a breath. There was a good chance she was starting to wonder what was wrong with me. I continued to spout out half-cohesive phrases as I stuffed food in my mouth at a rapid pace, but my arsenal of questions was running thin. �śSo�Śhow 'bout that wind yesterday, huh?” I resorted to talking about the weather. I still had half a slice of toast left. I shoved the whole thing in my mouth and hopped up from the table. �śWell, I have to leave for school now,” I mumbled, mouth full. I grinned sheepishly and gave her a crumb-filled peck on the cheek. She raised one eyebrow, looking at me oddly and shaking her head. �śO�Śkay. Have a good day I guess.” I stumbled out of the room as fast I could manage. As I hurried down the driveway I caught the house across the street from the corner of my eye. My legs froze at the memory of the curious feelings I had about it the night before. It was less intimidating in the light, but it was still enticing. I moved forward with interest, wanting to get a better look in the daylight. There was an unfamiliar car parked in front of the curb, a sleek, black sports car. I was even more intrigued. Expensive cars weren’t out of place around town but I would’ve recognized one this nice in my neighborhood before, especially in front of this house. In fact, I didn't think I'd seen any cars parked in front of this house before. I circled the glossy black finish, peering through the windows discreetly. It was hard to see through the dark tinted glass and I couldn’t get a good look. I walked around the back bumper. The word LOTUS sprawled across the back side in polished silver letters. I’d heard the name before but my knowledge of cars was limited. It was definitely nice though. My interest in the car was short-lived. Something drew me towards the house again like a magnet. I continued impulsively to the front yard and noticed a driveway behind the iron gate. It ran along the left side of the house, leading to a garage set far back from the front of the house. Perhaps whoever lived here normally kept their car in the garage and didn't have visitors very often. Someone was obviously home now though. Maybe I should try to go knock on the door again. I caught myself speculating and stopped abruptly. �śNo, this is going to be a normal day,” I scolded aloud. Great, now I’m talking to myself too, I thought. I turned back towards my faded burgundy car. It looked sad next to the impressive black one just a few yards away. Was I going crazy? All I could think about was going back to the unfamiliar house. Did I really have such little self-control? It was just a house. I was being ridiculous. I stomped up the driveway to my car and shoved the key in the ignition. This wouldn’t get the best of me. I reversed out to the street and held my hand to the side of my face, shielding my eyes from view of the dark house across the way. I shifted from reverse to drive as quickly as my free hand would maneuver and jammed my foot to the gas pedal, tires squealing down the street. It felt like fleeing the scene of a crime, when all I’d done was walk a few curious steps across the street. If anyone had observed my behavior, they’d send me to an institution. I sped down the road and barely slowed to turn the corner onto the next street. Blood pumped through my veins with heavy pulses. Once my street was out of sight my right foot stomped on the brake. What are you doing? Adrenalin rushed through me and I tried to calm myself. You’re just driving yourself to school. This was not normal. All I wanted was some everyday boring; a little same-old, same-old. Was that too much to ask for? My trusty Honda idled in the middle of the road and I hung my head on the steering wheel with a groan. The horn blared by the impact, but I didn’t care. Living inside my own body was exhausting. I had to collect my thoughts. My so-called normal day wasn’t starting off how I hoped. I sat up and took in a few exaggerated breaths. Maybe music would help to release the tension. I pulled out my MP3 player to search through the songs, looking for something mellow and calming, but not to the extent of being depressing. I listened to the first few notes of each song until I could determine if it felt right. Positive energy poured over me and I knew I’d found the right song. I closed my eyes allowing the notes to push away my scattered thoughts. The familiar lyrics whispered through my lips as the music filled my mind. I sat motionless, aside from the small movements of my mouth as I sang, until I reached the end of the song. My composure returned. I moved the gear to drive and continued to school. When I approached my locker I noticed Heather at the end of the hall. I couldn’t see who she was talking to at first, but the boy shifted to the side and I recognized him immediately�"Justin Crane. Why would she talk to him? That was definitely not normal. I’d spent the last couple months trying to cut ties with Justin, to let him down easy without hurting his feelings. Ever since the first week of senior year, he’d been following me around like a lost puppy. Well, more like a Doberman. And for some reason he just wouldn’t keep his paws to himself. I’d slapped him so many times on our second date that my hand hurt. He would apologize with what seemed like sincerity but minutes later he would try again. I’d been blatantly obvious I disliked his behavior, but apparently he was slow at getting the hint. For months he pursued me and for months I turned him down. He was either completely dense or extremely resilient.� � � � � � � Heather had been vocal about her animosity towards Justin in the past, but her eyes now smiled eagerly at him as they conversed. My knees locked at the sight and I gaped down the hall in confusion. She smiled at him sweetly and turned to my direction. I flinched, hoping they didn’t notice my gaze fixed on their exchange, and moved to pull a book out of my locker. Heather approached me with a satisfied gleam in her eye. �śPlease tell me you remembered to bring your bathing suit,” she said, sounding annoyed. What kind of a greeting was that? She couldn’t even say hello? �śWell good morning to you too,” I said. She rolled her eyes. �śYeah, yeah, hi and all that.” �śSo who were you talking to just now? Was that Justin?” I had to bring it up. I needed to know if I should start up my defense for another round of fending him off. �śHe’s not getting his hopes up again, is he?” �śThat was him,” she said. �śBut we weren’t talking about you. As a matter of fact, we were talking about the two of us.” �śThe two of you? You’re messing with me, right?” �śNo, Sadie, I’m not messing with you. Is it so hard to believe a guy might be interested in me for once?” A lump caught in my throat. �śWhat?” How could she say that? �śNo,” I said shocked. �śI mean�Śof course not, but�ŚJustin? I thought you couldn’t stand him.” �śLet’s just say he’s grown on me lately. But seriously, did you bring it?” �śBring what?” She grumbled. �śYour bath-thing sui-t.” She practically spit on me as she stretched the words out. Great. I’d forgotten our plans to hang out after school. �śI�Śsort of�Ś” My eyes squinted, shielding me from whatever wrath might come my way. She answered for me, tone dry. �śYou forgot.” �śI’m so sorry, Heather.” Her lips pursed. �śYou’re still coming,” she commanded. �śGo home and pick up your swimsuit right after school then come straight to my house.”� � � � � Before I could reply Heather turned her back and stormed away. She didn’t wait for me to walk with her to class. My gaze followed after her, confused. I tried to think back over the last week but I couldn’t figure why she was suddenly acting so cold to me. She’d mentioned not spending enough time with her lately, but I was coming over to her house today, so that wouldn’t make sense. Maybe she took forgetting my bathing suit as a sign that spending time with her wasn’t important to me, but she seemed annoyed before I even told her I forgot it. And if there was another reason she was mad, why did she still want me to come to her house today? I gave up and walked to class. When I entered the room I glanced in Heather’s direction. She sat talking to another student at her desk and didn’t look up from her conversation when I walked by. The rest of my classes passed like a typical day. I was glad to have at least one element of normalcy, finally. At lunch Heather was still distant, but she put on a fa�żade for the sake of everyone else around us. I could sense she was irritated with me though. Justin walked by our table twice in fifteen minutes, staring hopefully in our direction. It felt like it was me he was ogling but maybe I was being conceited. If he really was interested in Heather now, I certainly didn’t have any qualms about it. I hoped I could make that clear to her so she would forgive me for whatever I did to upset her. After school I left promptly from class and didn’t stop to chit chat with friends. I wanted to be quick about retrieving my bathing suit to avoid fueling Heather’s anger. I needed to find out what was bothering her. I had to fix it. I sped up my street and came a few houses away from mine, nerves tensing my arms. I focused my eyes forward, away from the house across from mine. I wasn’t sure I would feel a need to wander in that direction again, but I made a conscious effort not to look just in case. Hopping out to the driveway, I scurried up the front yard without a pause. I ran to my room and rummaged through my bathing suits in a hurry, suddenly recalling Heather’s original request that I wear a cute bikini. I pulled out the bubble-gum pink bikini with lime green ties Heather picked out for me this summer. It was skimpier than the bathing suits I normally wore but she insisted I would look super cute and talked me into the purchase. I never wore it once. Maybe she would consider it a nice gesture if I wore it tonight. I threw it in my bag along with a towel and a change of clothes, then unclasped the watch I’d been wearing from my wrist and tossed it in my jewelry box. I didn’t need anything to cover my birthmark since I was going to be at Heather’s all night. Today had been on the warm side but it usually felt a little chilly in the evening, especially after getting wet. I flipped through my closet to search for a sweater. What I really wanted was the faded black one that carried the sweet scent of the mysterious boy, but I stuck to my plan of avoiding any thoughts of him. I pulled a baby blue hoodie off its hanger and rolled it up on top of my towel. I thought about grabbing a snack but decided it was better not to waste any more time and headed out the front door. I hurried across the stone path away from the door and couldn’t help but notice the shiny black car still parked across the street. I hummed aloud to keep my mind distracted but a slamming noise from the direction of the car broke my concentration. My left foot missed a beat, tripping forward. I caught my balance with my right leg and stood without moving. A man wearing a shirt and tie exited the passenger door, his dark hair mixed with strands of grey.� He paced back and forth along the sidewalk. I couldn’t resist the temptation. �śExcuse me,” I called. I shuffled down the driveway, curiosity mounting. He eyed me warily as I approached and I felt suddenly uneasy. I stopped in the street, gaping at the man. �śCan I help you with something?” he said, tone agitated. �śUh, I’m just wondering if this is your house.” He sounded completely uninterested. �śNo, I’m just visiting an old friend.” He waved me away, turning his back but suddenly gestured back around. �śSince you’re here, do you have the time?” � �śSure.” I lifted my wrist to my chest reflexively, but my arm was bare. His eyes widened and a look of sudden interest crossed his face. I remembered the tear-shaped mark on my wrist and shot my arm down to the side. �śThat’s just a birthmark,” I said. I inched back a step, feeling awkward. �śSorry, I forgot my watch.” �śWait,” he said. He clutched my wrist forcefully with one hand. I gasped, muscles stiff. His gaze pierced mine and I couldn’t help but stare at his eyes. They were black and frightening. Something about him didn’t seem right. I felt the notion to run, but froze in place. He loosed his grip and straightened his stance. �śI’m terribly sorry. Please forgive my brash behavior. I haven’t been around people for quite some time. I hope I didn’t scare you.” His voice became increasingly polite. I continued to stare at him bewildered and unmoving. �śReally, I must apologize. I just noticed that unique mark on your arm and I was hoping to get a closer look. A birthmark you say?” � �śYes, I was born with it.” I rubbed the red streak on my arm left by the man’s sturdy grip. He extended a hand in my direction. �śPlease, just a quick look? I promise to be gentle this time.” His wide smile was somehow disturbing. I lifted my arm nervously and flinched as he ran his finger over the smooth surface of my birthmark. �śWell, that is something special isn’t it,” he admired. The tear-shape glinted midnight blue in the sunlight. �śDo your parents also have this mark?” he asked. I pulled my arm away. �śNo. Well, my mom doesn’t. I’ve never met my father.” He raised one eyebrow and glared at me, his face calculating my response. I felt my breaths quickening with each passing second. His eyes were like a spider web of black veins. �śIsn’t that a shame?” he finally said, his tone over-the-top sickening sweet. �śBut please, don’t let me keep you. I’m sure you have better things to do than chat with an old man like me.” Relief poured through my limbs. I forced a bleak smile and fled toward my house. I leapt in my car and reversed to the street. The man stared at me with a mischievous grin. I put my foot to the gas pedal and rolled by him like I was moving in slow motion. I peered back at him confused and frozen. I followed his frame in the rearview mirror until he and the black car were finally out of view. I drove to Heather’s house in eerie silence. I clutched the steering wheel, arm hairs standing on edge. Every few minutes I glanced in the mirror for fear I would see the black car behind me. The man’s disturbing expression still plagued my thoughts as I turned the corner onto Heather’s street. I clutched my bag as I exited my car in front of her house, examining every corner of the neighborhood with guarded movements. I took swift steps up the walkway towards the security of the front door. Just as I lifted my leg to the front step a roaring sound cut through my ears from a few feet away. I jumped backward and let out a scream, nerves on edge. The blaring noise went silent. A familiar face popped out from the side of the house, easing my anxiety. �śJose, hi,” I said. It was Heather’s gardener. We’d spoken a few times in the past, when he’d been working out in the yard as I arrived at Heather’s house. Sometimes I would practice a little Spanish with him before going inside. He carried a large gardening machine strapped over his shoulder. �śSorry, did I scare you?” he asked. �śMaybe a little,” I said. �śI didn’t realize you were over there.” I walked towards him on the grass. �śHow are you?” �śReally good,” he said. His eyes lit up. �śMe and my wife, we will expect another baby soon.” �śWow, congratulations.” Before he could answer we both turned at the squeak of the front door. Heather stood, arms folded in the doorway. �śAre you here to hang out with me or the gardener?” �śSorry, I better go,” I said to Jose. �śNice to see you.” He waved and went back to tending the yard. Heather crossed the polished wood floor in the entry way. �śI have a little surprise for you in the family room,” she whispered. I couldn’t tell if her tone was affectionate or sarcastic. She didn’t sound as mad as earlier today, but she still wasn’t herself. �śCan we talk for a minute?” I asked. She didn’t reply, but when we entered the next room, I realized what she meant by surprise. � � � � � � 9. COMPETITION� � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � Apparently Heather invited other guests without bothering to tell me. I gave her an accusing look. �śNick�Śhi,” I said, hiding my surprise. Nick stood from the couch and grinned. �śHey, Sadie. Heather said you wouldn’t mind if I came to hang out with you guys.” It didn’t bother me to have him here, but why didn’t she tell me about it? I guessed she was just trying to play matchmaker with me as usual, probably hoping it would create an opportunity for the two of us to hook-up before our date. �śSure, of course.” I set my bag down and crossed the room, sitting with him on the couch. I might as well make the best of the situation. I’d wanted to feel like a normal teenager today and talking to a cute boy seemed to fall under that category. �śCan I get you a soda or something, Nick?” Heather said, leaning her chest down over the back of the sofa, blocking his face from mine. I had to lean back to brush her hair out of my eyes. �śSure, I’ll take a soda,” he replied. �śI could use a drink,” I said, but Heather scampered off to the kitchen without looking at me. Did she not hear me or had she ignored me on purpose? �śSo Nick, are you playing any sports this year?” �śI’m on the water polo team. We’re in the quarterfinals next week.” He seemed a lot more comfortable than he did at school the other day. �śCool, maybe I’ll come and watch you guys play.” A genuine smile gleamed on his face. �śFor sure, you should definitely come.” We both glanced at Heather as she traipsed back in the room with a glass of soda in each hand. She handed one to Nick, sitting down so close she was practically in his lap and took a sip from the remaining glass. She looked at Nick and ignored me. �śSo what are we talking about?” �śDo you think I could get a drink, Heather?” I asked. �śOh, did you want one, Sadie?” she said. �śSorry, I didn’t realize. You know where the glasses are, right?” �śYeah, sure.” I got up and walked around the corner to the kitchen. Everything she said sounded harmless enough, but something was off about her tone. I poured myself a drink and headed back to the room. It was empty. Heather’s house was large enough that they had a room dedicated to games and entertainment. I headed in that direction. It was the mostly likely place they would’ve gone. When I entered the room I found the two of them leaning closely over the pool table, Heather’s back nestled against him as he gave her pointers on how to aim the cue stick. I thought this was curious considering Heather was one of the better pool players I knew. I was the one who could probably use some pointers. �śWhat do you guys want to do?” I asked, pretending not to notice their close proximity. Nick stood abruptly when he heard my voice and turned. �śWe’re just playing some pool, wanna join?” �śSadie doesn’t like pool,” Heather answered. �śOnly because I’m not very good at it,” I added. Nick walked to my chair and offered me his hand. �śThat’s okay. I can help you if you want.” He pulled me up and handed me the cue stick. I thought I noticed a small frown on Heather’s face but when I caught her gaze she sent a somewhat encouraging look. �śWhy don’t you take a practice shot?” Nick suggested. I leaned over the table to aim. I moved my arm back and forward to hit the ball but the chime of the doorbell caused me to flinch. The ball rolled completely off path, not hitting anything before it landed in the corner pocket. �śOh woops,” I said. �śI wonder who could be at the door,” Heather said, not sounding the least bit surprised. She skipped out of the room. �śAre there other people coming over?” I wondered aloud. Nick looked at me blankly. �śI was just about to ask you the same question.” We both shrugged. �śYour shot,” I said, handing Nick the cue stick again. �śHopefully you can hit a little better than I can.” �śIt would be hard to do any worse,” he teased. He poked my side with his finger. The tickle made me jump. �śYou better watch out,” I said. �śTwo can play at that game.” I grinned flirtatiously as he leaned over the table to aim. Just as he pulled back his arm, I nudged his elbow enough to send the tip of the cue stick into the tabletop, knocking it out of his hand. Nick suddenly turned and encompassed me with his arms, trapping me in his grasp. I twisted in laughter as he tickled my sides, hugging me from behind. Footsteps thumped from around the corner and I stopped moving abruptly. Justin Crane entered the room. He flung his neck to the side and whipped a lock of sun-bleached hair from his face. Heather trailed closely behind. Nick dropped his arms still wrapped around me and moved to my side. �śHey hey, everybody, Crane’s in da’ house. Let’s get this party started.” Justin pounded a fist energetically in the palm of his hand. Nick and I glanced at each other, both working to hold back a chuckle. It was hard to believe Heather actually had interest in this guy, but everyone had their own tastes I supposed. Justin popped up between me and Nick, throwing one arm around each of our shoulders. �śWhat’s up kids?” he said. I stumbled forward as the force of him hit. � �śHi, Justin,” I said. His arm slid down my shoulder, squeezing my side. �śCrane, how’s it going?” Nick said with a cool nod, humoring him but pulling away from his hold. �śCome on, you gotta be more gentle with the ladies buddy.” He motioned, referring to my arm and torso squished together by Justin’s grasp around my side. �śNah, Sadie’s a tough girl, she can handle it,” Justin said, squeezing me even tighter. �śRight, Sade?” My head bobbed back and forth as he jiggled me around. �śUh, I guess,” I said, prying myself from Justin’s arm. �śHeather looks a little lonely over there. Maybe you should keep her company.” �śI can definitely help you there,” Justin said. �śWe can’t have any hot chicks in the room feeling all alone.” He shot across the room, threw his arm around Heather’s neck and planted a juicy kiss on her cheek. I thought she would like it, but her smile looked more like a grimace. �śSo, what we playing today, a little eight-ball?” Justin flung his flip-flops off his feet and pulled a cue stick from the holder. �śI should warn you all now, I rock at playing pool. You better pull on those game faces fools; I’m here to kick some trash.” Justin wrapped his arm around my neck and pointed at Heather and Nick. �śHow �Śbout my partner here and I beat down the two of you?” I whispered to Justin, �śDon’t you want to be Heather’s partner?” He was supposed to be here with her wasn’t he? �śWhat? Nah sweets, you’re my girl,” Justin said, breathing an uncomfortable amount of hot air in my ear. As I went to wipe away the moisture in disgust, he turned to Heather and announced loudly, �śBut there’s plenty Crane to go around, you’ll get your chance. I got to be fair, right?” Justin winked at Heather as all three of us rolled our eyes at him in unison. I gave Nick a please help me look, hoping he would catch on. Heather appeared strangely satisfied by the whole situation. I wasn’t decided on my intentions with Nick, but he was definitely a better game partner than Justin. Of course, I would have to endure Justin’s presence either way. I had a feeling this was going to be a long night. �śActually, Crane,” Nick said, �śSadie already agreed to be my partner this round, but maybe I’ll let you have a turn later.” I felt a tinge of relief at his chivalry. I glanced at Heather, expecting her to be happy to be paired with Justin but an indignant frown crossed her face. What was going on with her? I wished we could take a minute to talk. �śOoh ouch, man,” Justin replied. �śBut I have a better idea. We shoot for it.” He raised his eyebrows menacingly in Nick’s direction. �śShoot for it?” I asked. �śYeah,” Justin explained, �śNick and I will have a little shootout and whoever wins gets to be your partner.” I grimaced at the ridiculous idea. Heather’s jaw dropped with a disbelieving scoff. �śOh, you’re so on,” Nick said, reciprocating the challenge. Were they really going to do this? I had to admit it was flattering, but it seemed a little unnecessary. Did Justin still feel he had to make some sort of claim over me, even though he was supposed to be here with Heather? That didn’t seem fair to her. She was already upset with me for who knows what, this could only make it worse. I looked at Heather from across the room and mouthed sorry, but she shook her head away from my glance. Justin strode past me to take his first shot at the table. I felt a sudden sting from behind as he took a swat at my backside. I gasped and swung around to glare at him but he grinned back at me with increased gratification. Did he really think I would like that sort of thing? Heather seemed a little too happy when Justin won the stupid shootout competition, making him my partner for the rest of the afternoon. She also was directing a great deal of her attention�"well, all of it actually�"in Nick’s direction, barely acknowledging my existence. She hardly made eye contact with me the entire game. I didn’t know who this girl was, but I missed my best friend. The entire afternoon was awkward. Nick and Justin both fought for my attention while Heather did everything she could to attract Nick in her direction. Meanwhile, I worked overtime to restrain from strangling Justin and his wandering hands. Heather ordered some pizza and started a movie on her big screen TV. Home was starting to sound really good at this point. Could I last with present company through an entire movie? I supposed they’d still want to take a soak in the hot tub later as well. I frowned at the thought of wearing my tiny pink bikini with two ogling boys sitting next to me. I sat in the corner of the couch mulling over possible excuses to leave while Heather flaunted her extensive movie collection to Nick. Justin crawled next to me on the sofa throwing an arm around my shoulder and draping one of his legs over one of mine. I sighed and pulled away but he didn’t get the hint, as usual. As soon as I felt the touch of his hand rubbing my arm I jumped up to excuse myself to the restroom in escape. Upon my return I sat at the other end of the couch. Nick sprung at the opportunity and quickly took the spot next to me before Justin had a chance to scoot closer. The flattery had worn thin. The two boys’ growing competition appeared to be more about winning, rather than actually caring about my feelings or getting to know me. At least Nick didn’t feel the need to grope me while I sat next to him. He just smirked at Justin with a gloating face, silently scoring a point in his own favor. It was clear to me now that I had no romantic interest in either of the two. If Heather wanted one of them, she had my blessing. She could take her pick. She could have both if she wanted�"I didn’t care. Instead of easing my mind as I hoped, the annoying distractions brought my hidden fantasies back to the surface. All I could think about was another chance to stare deeply into the eyes of the boy whose name I didn’t even know. The sweet and alluringly mysterious guy that seemed like perfection compared to the immature, egotistical idiots surrounding me. I envisioned him in my thoughts to avoid facing the situation. It was surprisingly soothing to think about him. I’d spent most of the day making a concerted effort to keep him off my mind, but the benefits proved to outweigh the cons. I pictured him cuddling next to me on the couch, watching the movie together like a real couple would. If only I could make the daydream a reality. I wondered if he was the movie-watching type. Would he enjoy a quiet evening at home or was he more of a thrill-seeker, chasing after action? Maybe a little of both? Was he a romantic? If we were together, would he bring me flowers and sing me love songs? I wondered if I’d ever have the chance to find out. The credits rolled over the screen and my daydream came to an end. Heather switched on the lamp with a blank look on her face. She got up from the recliner where she’d ended up alone for the majority of the movie and gathered empty pizza boxes to take to the kitchen. It was a good thing she ordered more than one. Justin and Nick almost ate a whole pizza each. �śSo who’s up for a little dip in the hot tub?” Justin said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. I didn’t want to imagine the inappropriate thoughts that were probably playing through his head. Heather came back in the room. �śI already heated up the water, so it’s ready to go. If you guys still want to hang out.” It sounded like what she really meant to say was, I don’t have anything better to do so I guess I won’t kick you all out yet. �śI’m game,” Nick said. �śActually, I think I might call it a night,” I said, hoping they wouldn’t put up a fight. Heather’s face lit up for the first time in hours. �śAh, come on, don’t say that,” Justin said. �śIt’s not even late.” �śI know, sorry. I’m just really tired. You guys should stay and have fun though.” I took a few steps towards the front of the house. �śIt’s totally not a big deal,” Heather said, suddenly sweet and pleasant. Obviously she had no problem with sending me out the door. �śIt’s cool,” Nick said. �śIf you’re tired you should go home and get some rest. Why don’t I walk you to your car? We can talk about our date tomorrow.” Nick turned and smirked at Justin, whose eyes immediately narrowed. I doubted either of them noticed me grimacing at Nick’s reminder. Suddenly Disneyland didn’t seem very appealing. Nick led me out the front door with Justin trailing our heels. Heather stayed in the house with a bored look on her face. She didn’t even say goodbye. My shoulders shivered in the night breeze. �śIt’s cold tonight,” I said. Justin started pulling his sweater over his shaggy hair, but Nick beat him to it. He held out the hoodie already in his hand and offered it to me. I shook my head wearily. �śNo, I’m fine. I have my own right here.” I pulled the blue sweatshirt from my bag I’d packed earlier. The boys stood by with eager eyes, watching me like an audience as I pulled it over my head. �śI think I can find my way from here guys. Thanks for walking me out,” I said, patience running low. I ran to the driver’s side door and rummaged through my bag for the key. My face dropped. �śUgh!” I said in frustration. Both boys turned their heads in surprise and stared at me. �śIs everything okay?” asked Nick. �śThe front tire is completely flat,” I said. I was so close to getting away, but now I would have to drag this night out even longer. Justin was over to my side in a heartbeat. �śNo worries, girl. I have a jack in my trunk. We can put a spare on there in no time.” �śYeah, I have a jack too,” I said. �śWhat I don’t have is a spare tire.” �śI’d offer you mine,” Nick said, �śbut it’s going to be way too big for such a small car. It’s made for a truck.” He held his hand in the direction of a huge red truck parked across the street. �śI mean, we can try it if you want, but I can’t promise it’s going to work. What about you Justin? Your car’s small.” �śSorry, can’t help you there,” Justin said turning to me. �śI don’t have mine with me. I took it out of my trunk to make room for some stuff and never remembered to put it back. I could drive to my place and pick it up if you want.” �śNo, don’t worry about it,” I said. �śThat would take forever. Maybe I could just get a ride home and deal with it tomorrow.” I should have guessed the two boys would jump at the suggestion. Justin slid an arm around my waist. �śFor sure, Sade. I can give you a lift, no problem.” �śActually, I live way closer to you,” Nick said. �śIt would make more sense if I drove you home.” I thought Justin’s glare was going to slice Nick in half like a newly sharpened sword. Justin took a step forward with clenched teeth. �śSeriously, I got this one, man.” I’d had just about enough for one night. As much as I dreaded the thought of a car ride alone with Justin, I decided it would be best if he was the one to take me home. It was obvious Heather had an interest in Nick. Although I had no idea why she felt she couldn’t tell me about it, or why she’d bothered to invite Justin in the first place. �śYou know, Nick,” I said. �śMaybe you haven’t noticed, but Heather has practically been throwing herself at you all day.” He looked at me blankly. �śShe has?” As I expected, he was completely oblivious. �śI’m serious, it was totally obvious. I think she likes you. I’ll have Justin take me home. You should go hang out with Heather.” Nick looked a little dazed but went inside as I suggested. I tried not to look at Justin’s moronic expression so I wouldn’t change my mind. Heather better thank me for this later, I thought. I rounded the bumper of Justin’s Acura and situated myself in the passenger seat, pulling my body as close to the door as possible. Justin started the engine with a mischievous grin. I kicked a few empty soda cans with my foot and clamped my knees together with my hands secured tightly between them, far from his reach. Justin turned up the volume and a heavy beat blared in my ears. As we turned down the next street, he nodded his head and danced chaotically in his seat. I wasn’t familiar with the song but it was already annoying. �śWhat is this?” I asked, almost screaming. �śBonkers,” he yelled. He danced his shoulder up and down. �śGotta feel that beat, right?” �śBonkers?” I asked loudly. �śYeah, that’s the name of the song, Bonkers.” He made a crazy face at me, sticking out his tongue. Can’t this car move any faster, I thought. This was a sure recipe for a headache. �śNever heard of it,” I said. �śNo one has. My cousin sent it to me from the UK. Cool, right?” I wished someone would hand me a gun so I could put myself out of the misery. �śUh, I guess. It’s a little loud.” �śMy lady wants to slow things down?” he said. He took his hand and walked two fingers up my leg. I slapped his hand away. �śHey! Watch the road.” The car swerved towards the shoulder. I hugged the door even closer. Justin turned south on Coast Highway, the opposite direction of my house. He sped through traffic weaving in and out of the lanes as we passed the nearby cars, making me nervous. I turned the volume down abruptly. �śDon’t you remember how to get to my house?” I asked. �śDon’t worry, I’ll get you there. Just wanna cruise around with my lady a bit first.” He double lifted his eyebrows suggestively. I sighed impatiently, pressing my lips together. He was impossible. Every movement he made, every gesture, every word he spoke, brought me one step closer to ripping his head off. �śI’m not your lady,” I said, folding my arms to my chest. He turned and smiled. �śYou like to play hard to get. I get it. All the more fun for me�Ś” His sheer denseness burned my ears. �śAfter the song is over I’ll put in something to set the mood.” He winked and turned up the thumping base. I dropped my head to my hand, leaning on the car door for support, and closed my eyes, regretting every moment I was with him. When I felt the tickle on my neck from his fingertips, I couldn’t hold back the anger. I jumped up and away in a quick movement. �śStop touching me!” I yelled. My lungs took in shallow breaths. Justin’s face went white. Maybe my hostility finally broke through his rock-hard skull. He stared at me wordless, in shock, as my eyes darted away. I was a little shocked by the outbreak myself. I glanced up at him again. His stare was on me, not the road. The car veered left towards oncoming traffic. �śWatch out!” I cried. Justin sprung back in alarm, yanking the wheel in the opposite direction of the glaring headlights. He pulled too hard, over-correcting. We swerved to the right, barely missing a truck in the right lane. He lost control of the wheel. We spun wildly. Lights whizzed by my face, frozen with fear. My brain pulsed. Fear controlled my every limb. Panic took over as I registered the threat. It was inescapable. I saw it through my window, coming towards me at a chilling speed�"a pole. � � � � � � 10. TRANSITION� � � � � � I see myself. I’m lying on a stretcher. I don’t look good. People swarm around, making a fuss. I’m in the hospital. There’s Justin. They wheel him behind me. His arm is hurt but he’s awake. His face strains in agony. He calls my name, frantic. He asks if I’m okay but I don’t answer. I’m watching from across the room, not in my body. It lies there without moving. Nobody seems to notice me. I feel worried. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help myself. I feel a hand slip into my hand from behind. I look over to see. It’s grandma. I feel another hand take my left. It’s grandpa. They smile. I know it’s them, but they look young, in their prime. I feel happy I’m not alone. I see Mom. She runs to my body on the stretcher. She’s crying. She looks scared. She panics. I call to her, but she doesn’t hear me. I want to help her, but I can’t. Someone moves her away. They say she’s in the way. I see Dr. Jensen. He puts his arm around her. He sits with her. I feel glad she’s not alone. I see the nameless boy, the one I love. He’s wearing hospital scrubs. I want to follow him, but grandma holds me back. He walks down the hall, a cup in his hand. He passes a nurse and he stumbles. The cup falls forward. It lands on my body. Silvery liquid spills all over. It disappears. I don’t get wet. My body doesn’t move. Grandpa drops my hand. He says it’s time to leave. I think I must be dead. Grandma takes his hand. She says I’m not coming with them. I need to stay. They just came to wait so I wouldn’t be scared. It’s not time yet. � *** � A white calm, a bright light, a breath of peaceful inhalation�Ś Where was I? I couldn’t remember. I didn’t know how I got here, wherever I was, but I felt a strange relief. What was I relieved from? I wasn’t sure. There was no pain, no anxiety, not even joy or happiness�"just serene existence. I knew I existed, but to what degree? I was me, but I couldn’t remember who that was. I couldn’t see past the calm, past the security of being. There was no sight or sound, but it wasn’t blackness; it was pure light. It was solace. � � � � � � 11. SECRETS� � � � � � My eyelids fluttered, seeking the strength to rise. A tingling sensation vibrated through my veins to the tip of a single finger. The finger twitched. All the strength in my body gathered together in determination to resurface. The converging energy found success and I had sight, but a haze clouded my vision. My eyes rolled from left to right and slowly back to center. I wanted to rub them clear with my hands, but all I could do was blink. My arms weren’t ready to move, although I managed to curl a few fingers at my sides. The light in the room was dim. I struggled to decipher the varying shadows and colors around me. My back was stuck in an uncomfortable, curved position with my shoulders pulled tightly backwards. I felt a little dazed, unable to remember where I was or how I got here. I blinked rapidly and dragged my neck forward off the thick pillow. Clear tubes moved with my head, attached to my nose. My torso lagged against the reclined bed but my knee slid across the mattress while I moved. My vision cleared and I realized this wasn’t my bed, or my room. It was a hospital room. I tried again to shift the position of my upper body using my arm. My muscles were stiff but I didn’t feel any pain. After a few moments, control finally returned to my limbs. I lifted on my elbow and leaned to the side examining the surrounding space, trying to make sense of it. I forgot what I was looking for when I noticed the dark form of a person sitting aside the bed. The body was slumped over, head resting near my leg, one arm reaching out as if almost holding my hand. The person slept peacefully and I felt relief I wasn’t alone. Could it be my mom, I thought hopefully, but the form was too wide, the hair too short. I reached my fingers to touch the outstretched hand and slowly closed my palm around it. His head bolted upright. Stress creased his face, wide eyes fixed squarely on mine. I knew his eyes, green and glowing back at me through the dark. It was him, my rescuer, the mysterious face of my dreams. My heart leapt hopefully in my chest. He jumped from the chair, dropping my hand. �śI shouldn’t be here,” he said. In two quick movements his grip reached the door handle and he turned to flee. My heart couldn’t take it if he disappeared again. �śWait,” I said, voice raspy. �śPlease�Ś” He stared at the door, back facing me. My comfort drained as it followed him away. �śPlease don’t go,” I said. His hand clung to the knob as if contemplating his next move. I waited breathlessly for him to turn and come back to me. He had to come back. If he walked out that door I would run after him. I would rip away from the monitors and tubes. I would run as fast as my body would let me. He felt like a part of me. I didn’t know how or why, but we were linked together. If he left, a piece of me would leave with him. He turned to look at me, hand still clutching the door. I saw the conflict in his face. Desperation boiled in my chest and my eyes filled with moisture. �śDon’t go,” I whispered. A single tear escaped down my cheek. I let it slide down. I didn’t care to wipe it away. All I cared about was convincing him to stay. His hand finally dropped from the knob, his gaze never breaking from mine. My eyes followed his every move as he walked calmly to the side of the bed. He laid one hand on my forearm and used the other to wipe my cheek. �śYou really should rest,” he said. �śYour body’s still healing.” My arms held me up in a tensed position, hands white from squeezing the blankets. �śI can’t. How do I know you won’t leave again?” His face wrinkled in pain. �śI thought it was too late. I should’ve been there. I thought I’d lost you.” He looked into my eyes, intense. �śI won’t ever leave you unprotected again.” I stared at him wide-eyed and confused. Nothing he said made sense�Śbut I didn’t care. Every moment he refrained from walking out that door was one more wonderful second of feeling him near me. It was like I’d known him my entire life. Yet, I didn’t have any concrete memory of him besides the night he’d saved me from drowning. �śI feel like I know you,” I said. �śBut I don’t understand. Why does my heart break at the thought of losing you? Am I going crazy?” �śI know it must be confusing,” he said. �śAnd I’m sorry I’ve put you through all this. I want so badly to tell you everything, but I can’t�"it’s forbidden. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.” He slumped to the chair, hiding his face in his hands with a groan. �śI don’t know what I’m doing here.” I felt the gravity in his voice. It’s forbidden? What did that mean? Why did it matter if he talked to me? �śI’m really confused,” I said. �śWho are you?” He stared at me, words hanging in his throat, like it was a life or death decision if he should tell me. �śI�ŚI can’t.” He looked down again, landing his forehead in his hand. Blood pulsed through my neck. �śBut you have to. Now that you’re here, you have to tell me. You can’t just show up all mysterious then leave me with nothing. Are you trying to drive me insane?” �śNo, of course not,” he said, standing up with a jerk. �śYou weren’t supposed to see me here.” He made a frustrated sound and paced away from the bed. It sounded more like he was talking to himself than to me. �śIt was just an accident; a reckless mistake.”� �śLook, I’m sorry talking to me is such a big mistake to you, but I think you owe me some sort of explanation.” He shot over to my side. �śI didn’t mean it like that�ŚI really want to tell you, Sadie, but it’s complicated. There’s a lot at risk here, for both of us.” There’s a lot at risk? This whole situation made me feel like I was stuck in a spy movie. Were men with guns suddenly going to crash through my window just because we were having a conversation? �śI don’t even know your name,” I protested. �śCan you at least tell me that much? You obviously know mine.” He looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. �śI guess I’m already breaking the rules just by being here,” he said under his breath. He turned to me as if giving up. �śMy name is Rayne.” I felt an odd flood of relief. �śRayne,” I repeated aloud. Just knowing his name made him feel more real, more permanent, like it was official; I knew him now�"though I still knew absolutely nothing about him. A wide grin spread across my face. He leaned over me on the bed, face only inches from mine. He looked like he wanted to laugh. �śWhat?” I said, feeling self-conscious. �śIf I give you my word that I won’t leave, will you at least lie down?” I looked down and suddenly realized my awkward, tensed position. I agreed, a little embarrassed, and pulled my head back to the pillow.� � � � � � � � � � � When I turned my face, the annoying tubes in my nose shifted and I couldn’t help but wonder how ridiculous I must look. I wasn’t sure why I needed them. I felt fine. When he looked away, I pulled down on the plastic discreetly, letting it fall to the side of the bed. Some kind of tight straps anchored my shoulders and I shifted uncomfortably in the bed. As I tried to pull them loose, Rayne turned and threw his hands near my shoulders without touching me, trying to figure out how to help. �śYou probably should leave that alone,” he said. �śDoesn’t it hurt to move like that?” �śNo, it doesn’t hurt. It’s just annoying. I can’t get comfortable.” I fought with one of the straps.� �śWhat is this thing anyway?” His hand rested on mine to keep it from fidgeting. I stopped moving instantly, his touch warm on my skin. His expression grew somber. �śIt’s a clavicle brace. You broke your collarbone three days ago, and some ribs. Your right lung was punctured too. You shouldn’t be able to move around like this already.” He sounded genuinely surprised. �śI did?” I wondered aloud. Weren’t broken bones supposed to hurt? I couldn’t feel any pain. I ran my free hand along my side and shoulder, searching for any sign of discomfort but I didn’t find any. �śI’m surprised you’re even awake,” he said. �śYou suffered a severe brain injury.” �śReally? But�ŚI feel fine. Besides a few fuzzy memories. The last thing I remember I was watching a movie at Heather’s. Nick and Justin were there, but then I draw a blank.” His grip tightened around my hand. �śI should introduce that kid Justin to my fist.” �śWhat? Why?” I asked. �śDo you know him?” Justin could be an idiot, but what did that have to do with me being here? I searched my mind trying to remember. �śYou were in a horrible car accident and Justin was the one driving. He only broke his arm, but you�Ś” he looked away, jaw tense. �śYou almost died.” �śOh,” I said, quietly taking this in. It all sounded vaguely familiar, but it felt like trying to remember a dream. �śIt was my fault,” he muttered, staring at the wall. �śI was almost too late.” He looked so upset. I felt the strangest need to comfort him, but I wasn’t sure how. � �śRayne, I�Śthank you,” I said. His head turned questioningly. �śFor staying with me,” I added. �śI’m a little scared and confused by all this. But I feel better with you here.” �śYou’ve been through a lot,” he said, rubbing my arm. The smooth touch of his hand made my limbs go weak again. �śBut we should probably tell someone you’re awake so they can call your mom.” Oh no, my mom, I thought. �śIs she okay?” �śShe’s fine,” he said. �śShe’s barely left your side since you’ve been here, but they finally convinced her to get some rest. She only left a few hours ago.” �śPoor Mom, she must be so worried.” I reached for Rayne’s hand. �śDon’t tell anyone I’m awake yet. They should let her rest.” I hoped my mom was actually resting and not killing herself with anxiety. It might have been less selfish if we did wake her. She’d probably sleep better if she knew I was fine, but I didn’t want to give Rayne an excuse to leave so soon. I had so many questions. I needed answers. �śRayne, I need to know what’s going on, why you’re here. If there’s some risk out there that involves me, don’t you think I have a right to know?” �śThat thought’s crossed my mind a dozen times,” he said. �śBut I have to protect you at all costs, even if that means protecting you from yourself.” Why did he keep mentioning protecting me? Was there a reason I needed protection? And why did he have to be so difficult? It wasn’t fair. Why did he get to know everything and me nothing? �śI’m not a child,” I said. �śI may be young and blonde, but I’m not stupid. I can take it, whatever it is. I deserve to know what you’re hiding from me.” �śOf course you’re not stupid. That’s not the point. If something gets out about you, I might not be able to protect you anymore. I can’t let that happen again. You almost died.” �śWhat is there even to get out about me?” I asked frustrated. �śI have no clue what you’re talking about. All I did was ride with a stupid boy in a car and we crashed. It was an accident. Accidents happen to people every day. People die in accidents every day. What makes me so special? Why should I be the one to miraculously survive?” He stared at me dumbfounded, searching for the right answer.� �śBecause you are special. I can’t tell you why, you just are.” �śBut I’m just a normal girl.” �śNo. You’re not,” he insisted. �śOkay, fine. So what is it then? Do you think keeping me in the dark is going to make everything okay? That I’ll be able to go back to life as usual and forget all about this? I can’t do that now. I’ll always be wondering. I mean, you’re already here. It’s too late to change that.” �śYou’re right,” he said with a humorless laugh. He sat on the stiff couch in the corner of the room. I didn’t like him so far away. �śI’ve messed everything up for you,” he said. �śIt’s completely my fault. You were happy in your blissfully unaware life. Why couldn’t I just leave it alone?” I sat up in the bed so I could see his face. �śBut I wasn’t blissfully unaware. I haven’t felt like myself for months. I could tell something was wrong.” He walked towards me on the bed. �śI know. But I could’ve easily helped you without you ever knowing I was involved. I think, deep down, I wanted you to know about me.” He stood still, his glowing eyes fixed on my face, as if he suddenly understood. His gaze dropped to the ground. �śI’m sorry.” I stared at him and shook my head. �śI don’t even know what you’re apologizing to me for. I don’t understand anything you’re saying. And I especially don’t get how you could’ve known how I was feeling. But what I do know is that I don’t want to live a lie, so if you could please just start explaining all this, I would really appreciate it.” He didn’t answer. He moved away, back to the couch, seeming far away, like his mind was off in a distant land raging a battle inside his own head. I watched him, wishing there was something I could say that would convince him to open up to me. Then an idea crossed my mind. I remembered the tiny silver bottle I’d found in his sweatshirt pocket. I had no idea what it was for, but maybe I could convince him otherwise. I straightened up in the hospital bed and tried to make my voice sound confident. �śI already know about the flask of liquid, so you might as well stop beating yourself up over whether or not you should tell me about it.” He froze and peered at me from across the room, taken completely off guard. �śWhat did you say?” I kept my composure. �śYou know, the antique-looking flask with the silver engravings and the shimmery liquid inside.” He looked bewildered. �śHow did you�Ś?” I smirked. �śSee�ŚI already know more than you think. Oh and I know that was you at my school the other day before you saved me from drowning too. I saw the liquid stuff on my arm after you bumped into me, so don’t even try to pretend that wasn’t you.” I really hoped he was buying all this. I wasn’t nearly as sure about myself as I was trying to portray. He laughed once under his breath. �śWow, I really did not see that coming.” �śI may not be the next Albert Einstein,” I said, �śbut I’m not exactly an idiot either. You might as well tell me the truth now because I’m not going to give up; eventually I’m going to figure things out.” He stood and paced in a small circle. �śPersonally, I think you deserve the truth, but it’s not really up to me.” �śYou said it yourself just a few minutes ago�Śdeep down you want me to know.” He shook his head, trying to convince himself. �śNo. I can’t. I made a promise.” This whole conversation was stressing me out and his pacing around the room wasn’t helping. I gestured to him with my hand. �śJust come over here and sit down for a minute. You’re making me dizzy.” He finally stopped moving and took a deep breath, sitting in the chair beside my bed. I reached out my hand to him and spoke with a warm tone. �śYou’re here and I’m here, that’s it, no one else. You can trust me. No one else is going to know.” �śBut I’ll know. I’ll know I broke my promise. You can’t ask me to do that.” �śThis is about you doing the right thing?” I asked. �śThat’s what you’re worried about?” He scratched his head. �śWell, when you put it that way, yes, I guess it is.” �śOkay, that’s something I can understand,” I said. I had to sit and think for a minute. What he was saying made sense, but at the same time it felt like he was completely contradicting himself. I rolled over on my elbow and looked him square in the eyes. �śIf you can honestly say that telling me the truth about my own life and my own safety is really the wrong thing to do, that you truly believe it is morally better or more admirable to show up in my life out of nowhere again and again, then leave me completely in the dark and keep this information about my own life a secret from me; if you can look me in the eye and honestly say all that�Śthen I’ll let it go.” I continued to peer into his gaze, pushing him for an answer. He hesitated, calculating, pondering my challenge. He looked at the ceiling with a stressful sigh, closing his eyes until he finally pulled his sullen face back to me. His voice was quiet and defeated. �śNo�ŚI can’t say that.” � I looked at him and waited to see if he had anything else to say, not wanting to seem too forceful, but he just gazed back at me. �śSo�Ś” I said, hesitating. �śYou’ll tell me the truth then?” He stared at me reluctantly. �śAre you sure this is what you want? I can’t promise it won’t complicate your life.” I pondered for a second but made my mind up easily. �śYes, I’m sure. I want to know the truth.” �śI guess it’s decided then,” he said. �śI just don’t really know where to start.” I felt major relief he was finally willing to talk. �śWell, I already know about the silver flask,” I said. �śCan you tell me more about that? What’s the liquid stuff for?” His confident smile finally returned to his face. �śI think that will be answered best if I show you.” He moved nimbly around the foot of the bed wearing a strange look of either fear or excitement, I couldn’t tell. A similar feeling grew inside me as I awaited his secret to be revealed. Several flower bouquets were lined up on a table in front of the window. He pulled a single flower from a vase and carried it to my bedside. I wrinkled my forehead at the wilted flower. The stem bowed over and the petals were withered and dried. I glanced back to the vibrant floral arrangements across the room. Out of all the possibilities, this was the one he’d chosen to present me? He chuckled at my response. �śHere, just hold this. I promise you won’t be disappointed.” I took the fragile plant and held it between my fingertips, careful not to knock off any loose petals. I watched intently as Rayne pulled a small metal flask from his pocket. It was similar to the one I’d found in his sweater before, only this one was shaped like a flat circle and it was more plain with a simple pattern in a ring around the base. He opened the cap with a quick flip of his finger, like he could do it in his sleep if he wanted to. His steady hand tilted the bottle above the lifeless flower, allowing one drop of silvery liquid to trickle down the center. The drop moved slowly down, then absorbed into the flower so quickly it seemed to disappear. I waited a moment but nothing happened. I glanced back at Rayne. �śJust wait,” he said. As I turned my attention back to the brown flower, the petals moved. They grew and lifted right before my eyes. Life sprung into the stem until it stood upright and strong. The dingy brown film transformed to crisp green. My mouth dropped open, eyes wide. The dried petals became animate and supple, turning into a large sphere of vibrant orange with a yellowish-green center. I sat astonished and unmoving. Were my eyes playing tricks on me? Did my injury cause a malfunction in my brain? The flower was completely dead, and now it transformed into a fully bloomed gerbera daisy with just a single drop of liquid. How was it possible? Did he have access to some kind of top-secret government Miracle-Gro? I stumbled over my words bewildered. �śHow did�Śwhat just�ŚI mean, how did you do that?” I was glad my body remembered to breathe, otherwise I might have forgotten. I sat unmoving, in awe at the now lively flower. �śThat’s incredible,” I finally said. Rayne’s face was beaming. �śIsn’t it? No matter how many times I see it, it never ceases to amaze me.” �śSo�Śthat’s how you�Śyou helped me?” I asked. I wasn’t really sure what to call it. �śYes, that’s how you healed so quickly,” he said. �śI used a little bit more than a drop though. I thought I might lose you and I panicked. I almost exhausted my entire supply. Even so, you healed quicker than I ever imagined possible.” Any normal person would’ve been completely freaked out by now or at least convinced they were losing their mind, but it felt strangely right to me. �śAt the beach the other day, when I fell off the rock, you used that stuff on me then too?” �śWell, in much smaller doses, but yes, it was mixed into the water I gave you.” For a short moment it felt good to link some of the pieces together, but then my mind was overcome by all the other missing parts of the puzzle. �śBut how did you know I was there in the first place?” I asked, anxiety growing inside me. �śThe beach was practically deserted, and what about at the school? I wasn’t even hurt yet.” His gentle touch on my shoulder interrupted my angst. �śIt’s going to be okay.” The calm of his presence glided down my arms. One of his hands touched my forehead and traced along the edge of my hair until brushing the side of my cheek. A surge of tingling energy fluttered up my neck, like I could sense his heartbeat pulsing from his fingers. �śI promise it will all make sense,” he whispered. �śJust give me a chance to explain.” His aquamarine eyes hovered, hypnotizing me. �śI was there at the beach because�ŚI guess you could say I’ve been assigned to you.” �śAssigned to me?” I asked. �śBut why? By who?” What was he saying? I was his assignment? Was his interest in me purely due to some job he was required to perform? I felt suddenly embarrassed for having believed there was something more between us. �śIs this some kind of crazy, government spy thing?” I said. �śLet me guess, you’re my handler, right?” The words felt ridiculous as they passed through my lips, but I honestly couldn’t come up with any other explanation. �śNot exactly, but you’re on the right track,” he said. My jaw dropped. �śAlthough, in some ways that’s not even close,” he added quickly. �śIt’s complicated.” � There was that word again�"complicated. Why did it seem like every word he said confused me even more? �śDo you think you could un-complicate it for me?” I asked. �śI think it’s best if I let you in on things gently. A lot of this is too overwhelming to hear all at once.” I didn’t like how he dragged things out and left me in suspense. Whatever other secrets he had, I doubted they could be much crazier than what I’d just witnessed with the flower. Plus, I couldn’t imagine anything more agonizing than knowing there was a secret but never getting to find out what it was. �śMaybe it would be easier though, like tearing off a Band-Aid. Can’t you just rip it off and get it over with?” I said. He laughed. �śThis would be more like a huge strip of duct tape wrapped around your entire body, trust me.” The weird thing was�"I did trust him. I couldn’t explain why. I just knew that in whatever sense, he was meant to be here. I had to trust that instinct. �śOkay fine, we’ll take it slow,” I said. �śBut, isn’t there anything more you could expand on? You’ve barely explained anything.” �śI definitely don’t work for the CIA, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he teased. At least he finally gave me a specific. To him it might seem like a joke, but CIA agent was one of the possibilities on my list. �śI’m serious,” I said. I looked at him straight in the eyes. �śWho are you Rayne? I need to know.” He hesitated but finally conceded. �śOkay. I’ll give you a few more details, but it probably won’t make sense right away. I can’t promise you’re going to like or understand everything I tell you.” I nodded but didn’t say anything, waiting intently for his explanation. �śI’m a Water Keeper,” he said cautiously. �śTechnically I’m a Security and Health Agent, but we usually call ourselves Keepers for short.” He stopped talking and looked at me for a response. He spoke so fast. I struggled to decipher his words. Was he speaking the same language as me? I knew I heard something about water in there, and maybe he mentioned security, but he definitely said the word agent. That was the only word that really stood out in my head. �śSo you are some kind of agent,” I accused. �śWell, yes, but I know what you’re probably thinking and this isn’t like anything you’ve heard of before.” �śSo then what exactly is a Keeper?” I asked. The term sounded funny to me, like something out of a movie or a character from a video game. �śThis is a bad idea,” he said. �śI don’t know if I can do this.” He started to turn away but I reached for his hand. �śYou can trust me,” I said. I saw the look on his face and I knew he believed me. He kept his hand in mine. �śThere are many of us dispersed around the world. We�Śspend a large portion of our time finding people who are sick or hurt and using the Healing Water to help them.” He paused, still hesitating. I nodded, encouraging him to continue. �śWe’re supposed to remain completely invisible. We’re trained to come and go without being noticed. And we have a code we must follow; we take an oath never to break it. We must never reveal our true identities to anyone, especially those we treat with the Healing Water.” It was a lot to take in and it raised a dozen new questions in my mind, but it had taken a lot to get Rayne to the point of talking and I didn’t want to scare him off. I wanted so badly to understand. I tried to keep my questions subdued. �śSo�Śyou’re like a member of some secret society, good Samaritan organization?” I asked, keeping an even tone. �śSomething like that,” he said. �śSo how did they know I was going to get hurt?” For a minute I almost expected him to pull a crystal ball from his pocket. � �śActually, nobody knew you were going to get hurt,” he said. It’s not like we can see the future.” Right, I thought, because that of course would be completely ludicrous, nothing like causing dead flowers to bloom to life with magic water or healing people miraculously from their death beds. �śWhy was I assigned to you then? Do they randomly pick people from some lucky, miracle lottery or something?” He laughed at me. Everything probably seemed pretty hilarious to the person who actually knew the whole truth. �śNo,” he chuckled. �śNormally Keepers don’t even have assignments. We usually work independently and we’re given a lot of freedom to seek out people to help on our own. It’s typical to help numerous people over time, maybe one or two a month, and then we find new people to help.” My expression fell. �śDoes that mean, now that you’ve already helped me, you’re going to move on and find someone new?” �śNo,” he said with a quiet smile. �śI told you, I’m not leaving you. I’m the only Keeper I’ve ever heard of that’s been assigned to one specific person for an extended period of time. That’s you, Sadie.” At first all I heard was he wasn’t leaving. That was crucial to my happiness now. It took a moment to register the rest of his statement. He said one specific person�"he was talking about me. He was assigned to me. I was his assignment. I wasn’t sure I liked the stigma of being an assignment, but that meant he was supposed to stay with me�Ślike my own personal, irresistible bodyguard. �śHow long’s an extended period of time?” I asked hopefully. He looked grim. �śI don’t know. I think it was supposed to be a long time, but now that you know things, maybe just until someone finds out I told you.” �śNo one has to find out,” I said. �śI promise I won’t tell anyone, not even my mom.” �śLet’s hope it’s that simple,” he said, unable to hide the concern on his face. There was silence for a moment. My mind raced, over-stimulated with information. Why were they called Keepers? What did that have to do with using Healing Water to help people? Wouldn’t something like Healers make more sense? He mentioned another, longer name though. What was it again? I couldn’t remember, but his title was the least of my concerns. My own personal Keeper�ŚI could live with that, especially when the Keeper was Rayne. He could keep me as long as he wanted. My thoughts trailed off to a daydream of his arms wrapping around me. Then it occurred to me; as great as it sounded to have my own personal mystery boy following me around for the rest of my life, why did I need one? He said he was the only Keeper ever assigned to one specific person. That meant I was the only person he’d ever known who needed a Keeper personally assigned to them. Did I have some horrible fate he needed to save me from? Was I going to be the sickest person on Earth or something? He said they couldn’t see the future. How could this secret society of healers possibly know if I was going to get hurt or sick? �śWait a minute,” I said. �śWhy do I need my own personal Keeper? It can’t just be dumb luck. It doesn’t make sense. What aren’t you telling me?” He pulled a hand through the waves in his sandy hair. �śI was hoping you wouldn’t realize that point. I think that’s a conversation for another day.” �śNo, please, that’s not fair,” I said. My complaint was diverted by movement in the corner of my eye. I stopped talking and looked more closely at the glass wall next to the door. Although the curtains were drawn, there was a small gap I could see through at the corner. He peered around the room. �śWhat’s wrong?” �śI thought I saw something outside the door. It was probably nothing.” Before I could finish the thought, the door opened. A youthful nurse with a dark ponytail stopped in the doorway. �śYou’re awake,” she said. She gasped and rushed out of the room as quickly as she’d entered. �śI have to go,” Rayne said. I felt something sink inside me. �śPromise me you’ll come back,” I said urgently, searching his face for a positive response. He leaned down near my face. �śDon’t be alarmed when you see your eyes,” he whispered. �śIt’s a normal reaction.” �śWhat?” I said, caught off guard. He pointed to a bandage on my wrist. �śAnd try to keep them from removing this, it could raise questions. �śBut�Ś” Rayne moved quickly to the exit with one last smile.� �śI promise. I’ll be back,” he said and he slipped out the door. I stared at the closed door. Just like that he was gone again. But this time it was different, this time I had his promise. He would return. Somehow I knew I could trust him. I mulled over his last few words before departing. What did he mean about my eyes? Before the nurses could return I slid off the mechanical bed and hurried to the private bathroom a few feet away. I flipped the light switch and jumped back. For a moment I thought I was seeing someone else in the mirror. Since birth, my eyes had been a deep shade of dark blue, but now a pair of vivid, almost crystalized, ice blue eyes stared back at me. I gaped in astonishment and pulled my face closer to the mirror. Thin rings of sapphire encircled the outer edge of my irises. They reminded me of Rayne’s shimmering eyes, only his were definitely green. They had the same luminosity that had been so mesmerizing, with gem-like facets that caught the light and sparkled like diamonds. This was a normal reaction? Rayne mentioned something about my wrist too. I pulled back the bandage, carefully restraining my desire to find whatever it was concealing. The half-peeled bandage froze in my fingers. I shot a glance around the room searching for any unwanted visitors. I was alone. I removed the bandage completely to confirm my eyes weren’t deceived. The tear-shaped birthmark was practically glowing, the icy blue surface perfectly matched with my eyes. In a whim of curiosity I switched off the lights. The bathroom had no windows. It was pitch black aside from a slight crack along the door’s bottom edge. I stared forward with disbelief. Through the dark, a faint blue glow flickered with each blink. � � � � � � 12. CONFESSIONS� � � � � � After a never-ending series of tests and exams by hospital staff, they finally determined I was in perfect health. I tried to tell them it wouldn’t be necessary. I felt completely healthy. But of course they didn’t believe me. My mother was the worst of them all when it came to making a fuss. She was overjoyed by my sudden recovery and who could blame her. Of course she didn’t say anything to me about how awful the last four days had been. It was one of the nurses who told me what a mess my mom had been while I was in the coma. Seeing the immense gratitude pour out from her jubilant face was like a song to my heart. Even though it wasn’t my mom’s department at the hospital, the staff let her shadow everything they did. I didn’t think they minded her presence though. Without even realizing it, she spread positive energy to everyone around her.� She made sure they administered every possible test known to man and with each test that unfolded positive results her optimism grew. The hospital buzzed about my miraculous recovery. Apparently it wasn’t common to wake up in perfect health from a coma, especially after suffering a traumatic brain injury. In fact it was most common to undergo years of rehabilitation to reteach the brain how to function again, if you were one of the lucky ones to make it that far. Every person I interacted with made it clear just how lucky I was. I was concerned my eye color would attract attention and raise concerns, but it seemed to be the least of their interest. My eyes were so different and bright to me, but the medical personnel didn’t even realize there had been a change, and I wasn’t about to offer the information voluntarily. The only doctor that brought it up was my mom’s friend, Dr. Jensen, the hot doctor I wanted her to date. He probably noticed because we’d met several times before the accident, but he quickly reasoned it could’ve been caused by a chemical reaction or hormone change as a result of undergoing physical trauma. It was mostly visiting friends and my mom that had a harder time with the change, but they all accepted the explanation given by Dr. Jensen without further inquiry. It was confirmed through x-rays that my ribs and collarbone, which were clearly broken when admitted to the hospital just days earlier, were now completely mended. This phenomenon caused a stir among doctors from several departments. They all wanted a chance to review my case and discuss possible theories with each other. But I knew the truth�"or at least part of the truth. My recovery wasn’t the result of some grand miracle or biological phenomenon. It was all the work of my personal rescuer, my secret protector and his mysterious vile of liquid. I hoped the novelty of my recovery would wear off soon. I longed to see him again and I was sure he wouldn’t return until I was alone. I wondered if he was hiding in the shadows somewhere, watching me but remaining invisible. I wanted to believe he was. It made all the commotion seem bearable. Once they determined I was up for it, they moved me from the ICU down to my mother’s department, the inpatient rehab unit. I missed home and the warmth of my own bed but my mom insisted I stay a couple more days in the hospital so she and Dr. Jensen could keep me under close surveillance. I gave in to her request, but only after she’d agreed to resume working her usual schedule and to go home to sleep after every shift. Although my mom seemed to delight in the constant stream of congratulations and well wishes, I needed a break. I finally convinced her to allow me some time to rest. I had so many visitors over the last two days I’d barely had time to think. Almost everyone I knew came by, everyone except Heather. Out of all my friends it was her I wanted to see most, but she never came. On the other hand, the person I was hoping to see least was Justin. The night of the accident had come back to memory and I recalled how awkward our last conversation had been. But shortly after I’d been moved to my new room his heavy knock arrived on my door. The door cracked open hesitantly. �śIt’s okay, come in,” I said. I set the book I’d been reading on the side table. A slight pair of legs staggered into the room, the rest of the small person hiding behind an enormous bouquet of flowers. It was so large I thought the little boy might topple over. Justin followed behind, a cast on his right arm. I sunk a little when I realized who it was. �śWow Sade, you look good,” Justin said. �śActually, you look more than good. Compared to the other night, I’d say you look awesome.” �śUh, thanks, Justin.” I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect from his visit or what his intentions might be. I wanted to believe he was just being a good friend, but Justin’s track record wasn’t the greatest. The young boy holding the flowers stumbled around the room in search of a surface large enough to accommodate the pretentious display. I held back a laugh. After many unsuccessful attempts and one close call involving a lamp, the boy set the vase down right in the middle of the floor. He glanced at me shyly and looked to Justin for instruction. Justin gave him a pat on the back with his healthy arm. �śThat works, buddy. Now go wait for me in the hall. I’ll come get you in a few.” �śHe can stay,” I said, as the boy wandered out the door. �śHe’s all right. That’s what little brothers are for.” Justin sat at the foot of my bed. �śSo how are you, girl? I heard you’re like a celebrity around here now.” �śYeah, I guess,” I said. He leaned close and examined my face. �śWhat happened to your eyes? They look crazy cool.” I pulled my head deep into my pillow to escape the invasion of personal space. �śUm, the doctor said it could be some kind of hormone reaction to the accident or something like that.” I figured Justin wouldn’t be one to need much of an explanation. �śCrazy�Ś” he said. He sat back, allowing me room to breathe again. �śYou know, my older sister had blue eyes her whole life then last year when she got pregnant they totally turned green. I’m serious, and they still are. That would be sweet if yours stayed like this.” �śYeah, I guess our bodies can do crazy things sometimes,” I said. Usually I could rely on Justin to keep the conversation moving but an awkward silence circled the air. He fidgeted and glanced from wall to wall around the room. �śWell, it was really nice of you to drop by,” I said, hoping he would use it as an exit. He stood up. �śRight, so�Ś” His words wavered uncomfortably. �śActually, Sadie, I wanted to talk to you.” Oh no. Here it comes, I thought. I hoped it wasn’t going to be difficult this time. I didn’t want to turn him down and hurt his feelings yet again�"if they were even capable of getting hurt. �śJustin, I thought we talked about this,” I said. �śNo, I know,” he said calmly. His voice suddenly sounded so normal, like a normal person having a normal conversation for once. I raised one eyebrow. �śI just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” To my surprise his face dropped with remorse. �śI know I’ve been a jerk and I feel really bad that you got hurt. The crash was probably the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me and it was totally my fault. I was trying to show off and I was being stupid. I’m really sorry.” I was genuinely surprised and impressed by his apology. �śThanks, Justin. That means a lot.” That was probably the most decent thing I’d ever heard come out of his mouth. �śListen,” I said. �śI’m sorry things didn’t work out between us, but do you think we could still be friends?” � �śOf course, Sade. You’ll always be my girl.” I frowned in disapproval. �ś�Śfriend,” he amended. �śGirl�Śfriend.” He stumbled over his words. �śI mean, friend that’s a girl.” I laughed. He was actually kind of sweet when he wasn’t trying so hard. �śSo now that we’re friends, can I give you a little friendly advice?” I said. �śSure, I guess.” �śI just think if you spent less time trying so hard to impress a girl and more time being yourself, you might be surprised by the results. Any girl worth being with will like you just for being you.” �śYeah, you’re probably right,” he said. �śAny hot girl that’s smart like you, would probably see right through me.” I thought I saw a hopeful gleam in his eye. I decided to take an extra measure of precaution just in case. �śJustin, I don’t know if you heard, but I have a boyfriend now,” I fibbed. �śWhat? Who is it?” he said, a little too territorial. �śIt’s no one you know. He doesn’t go to our school.” �śWell, what’s his name?” Justin pushed. �śRayne,” I said, knowing full well this was more of a wishful fantasy than any form of the truth. �śWhat kind of a lame name is that?” �śIt’s not lame,” I said. �śIt’s unique.” �śSounds kind of girly, if you ask me.” �śVery funny, Justin. He’s far from it actually,” I said, a little defensive. �śHe’s more of a man than any of the guys at our school. He’s already graduated.” Justin frowned. �śA college guy, huh?” �śUm yeah, college,” I said, not correcting his wrong assumption. �śThat’s cool I guess,” he said, a hint of disappointment and jealousy in his voice. Justin was resilient though. I knew he’d be fine. �śHey, have you seen Heather around?” I asked. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t come to see me, even if she was mad at me. �śI saw her at school today but we didn’t talk,” he said. �śHasn’t she come to visit you yet?” He looked surprised. �śNo, she hasn’t come. I think she’s mad at me, but I have no idea why.” �śThat sucks�Ś” �śI know,” I said. �śDo you think you could do me a big favor?” �śSure, name it.” �śCan you talk to her for me? I really need to see her.” �śI get the feeling she doesn’t like me,” he said. �śI’ll still talk to her, but only because it’s for you, Sade.” He winked at me. Normally that would’ve bothered me coming from Justin, but I let it slide. He’d been fairly respectful his entire visit. He didn’t try to grope me even once. I had to give him credit for such an improvement. After Justin left, I couldn’t believe how quiet the afternoon was. It was nice to finally have a chance to relax. My mom dropped in before her shift and stopped by again to check on me a couple hours later, but other than that Justin was the only visitor I’d had for several hours. It was pretty boring and annoying to be stuck in a hospital bed, especially when there wasn’t anything wrong with me, but at least it was finally quiet. I glanced out the window for a moment, enjoying the sun rays streaming through the window. I hadn’t inhaled fresh air for days and I missed it. My mind wandered. I couldn’t keep from thinking about Rayne. Now that things had settled down, I anticipated the moment he would walk through my door. I missed his soothing presence and I hated that I had no way to reach him. It made me feel helpless. But I would have to trust him that this was the best way. I didn’t have any other choice. My mom brought a collection of books and movies to keep me entertained for the time being, but after a few hours I was already restless. I wanted to go home. There weren’t enough distractions here to keep me busy, to keep my mind off of Rayne and all the things he’d shared with me the other night. I couldn’t stop speculating about all his secrets. Even if he wouldn’t tell me those secrets, I would settle for gazing into his diamond eyes instead. My daydreams were interrupted by a knock at my door. I thought I wanted alone time earlier but now I was glad for the diversion. I was both pleasantly surprised and�"for the first time in my life�"nervous, when Heather entered the room. Finally I would have a chance to talk to her and hopefully figure out why she was mad at me. �śHey you,” I said. Her slender figure moved slowly across the room. She seemed distant. �śHey,” she replied. �śJustin dropped by. He said you wanted to see me, so�Ś” �śYeah, thanks for coming. It’s good to see you.” I tried to ease into the conversation to test the mood. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her. �śIt’s good to see you too,” she said politely. �śEveryone at school’s been talking about the accident and how lucky you are. You look good by the way.” �śThanks. I’m not surprised. Word travels fast with a guy like Justin around.” The conversation felt strained, more like talking to an acquaintance, not a best friend of eleven years. Not like someone who knew all my quirks and secrets, like how I used to ice skate around the living room pretending I was the girl from the movie Ice Castles. Not like someone who helped me study for weeks for the ACT’s. This was not the girl who ran to the store the night of my first date to buy fake eyelashes when I’d accidently cut mine off with a faulty eyelash curler; or the girl who used to climb the huge tree in her front yard with me to call out funny noises at the neighbors and giggle as they tried to figure out where the sounds came from. What happened to that girl? I wanted her back. �śHeather, I have to ask, is everything okay? I mean, did I do something to make you mad? Why didn’t you come visit me sooner?” Her entire face suddenly crumpled into a frown, her lower lip quivering. �śBe�Ścause,” she barely managed to squeak out. She burst into sobs.� �śI’m a terrible friend.” She was crying? But I thought she was angry, not sad. I held out my arms. �śWhat? No, that’s not true,” I said. She accepted my gesture and sat down on the bed with me. �śYes it is. I’ve been horrible,” she whimpered. �śAnd then you got hurt and I thought I was going to lose you forever, and the worst part is�Śit was completely my fault.” She sobbed again. �śWhat are you talking about?” I said, consoling her. �śWhat was your fault?” Her face squinted together like she was in pain. �śYour�Śyour accident,” she said, barely audible through her high pitched cries. I seemed to be hearing that quite a bit lately. Apparently a lot of people felt the accident was their fault. �śHeather,” I said. �śHow could the accident possibly be your fault? You weren’t even in the car.” She gained a little composure. �śYeah, but you never would’ve been in the car with Justin if it wasn’t for me. I invited him over. You should hate me right now.” �śDon’t be silly. That doesn’t even make sense.” �śSadie, I’m serious, I was such a jerk. I�ŚI lied to you,” she confessed. �śI never had an interest in Justin. I can’t stand that guy. I purposely invited him over because I, like, wanted him to mess things up with you and Nick. I told Justin you were the one that wanted him to come.” �śI don’t understand,” I said. �śWhy would you do that?” � �śBecause I was jealous. And because�ŚI like Nick. I was being stupid, I’m so sorry.” She looked at me reluctantly, preparing for my response. �śYou like Nick?” I asked. I had my suspicions, but I wanted to hear it from her. She nodded, ashamed. �śIf you had feelings for him, you should’ve told me,” I said. �śI didn’t even know who he was when you first mentioned him. Why did you want me to go out with him in the first place?” �śI don’t know,” she said. �śI guess I didn’t realize I liked him until he’d already asked you out. The more I thought about it, the more jealous I got.” �śYou should have said something; I would’ve understood.” �śI know. I’m sorry. But it’s not just that, Sadie.” �śWhat do you mean?” �śWell�Śeveryone loves you. Everyone wants to be your friend. Sometimes I feel like your tag-a-long or something.” �śWhy would you think that?” I asked shocked. �śPeople see you and they’re like, hey look, it’s Sadie. She’s so beautiful and perfect. We love her. And then they see me and think, oh, there’s that chick that’s always following Sadie around.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I must have been completely clueless. I had no idea she felt this way. �śThat’s so not true, Heather. You are an amazing, smart, beautiful girl. Believe me, you could never be anyone’s shadow; and you’re a great friend. Why else would I stick with you for so long?” I was expecting a smile but her face fell. �śEver since school started this year it felt like you didn’t want to spend time with me anymore. I was scared I was losing you,” she said. She was right; I had been distant. I was the one who’d stopped coming to her house. I was the one with all the crazy mood swings and random bouts of depression. All this time I’d thought she was pulling away from me, but in reality I was the one who’d started it all. �śHeather, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. I wasn’t being a good friend. I’ve sort of been going through some stuff lately and I guess I was being selfish. I’m really sorry. Can you forgive me? Will you please be my best friend again? I miss you.” She smiled and reached out to hug me. �śOf course I will. I miss you too.” She leaned back and blotted her cheeks with a tissue from her purse then gestured to a white bag near the door. �śI brought dinner. You know, in case it turned out you didn’t hate me after all,” she said, in her usual good humor. Finally�"I had my friend back. �śReally?” I said with a happy little clap. �śWhat did you bring me?” She pulled open the boxes revealing two taco meals from Wahoo’s, a local favorite of mine. �śYou know me so well,” I said. �śWell I figured, who knows what stuff they’re feeding you around here. I couldn’t have my best friend living off fake mashed potatoes and pudding cups, right?” We laughed. �śSo what ended up happening the other night with you and Nick?” I asked. I was excited I could bring it up now without it causing any problems. �śDid he stay and hang out with you?” I honestly could say I had absolutely no interest in him, but I really hoped it might work out for Heather. �śWell, at first I was scared to tell you,” she said. �śI felt pretty guilty about the whole thing, but we sort of hung out all weekend. I think we’re kind of dating now.” �śAre you serious? That’s so great,” I said. Heather’s face beamed when she heard my approval. �śI think I really like him. That first night he stayed until pretty late. Then the next day when we all found out about your accident, he came over to see if I needed someone to talk to. Wasn’t that sweet?” Her eyes lit up. �śWe’ve seen each other almost every day since then.” �śThat’s so cute,” I said. �śI’m really happy for you guys.” �śAre you sure you don’t mind?” she asked. �śNot at all,” I said. I suddenly felt the need to whisper. �śActually, there’s sort of someone I think I like too.” I probably shouldn’t have mentioned anything, but I couldn’t keep secrets from Heather. Plus, I wouldn’t tell her about the really secret parts, just about the gorgeous boy I’d met. He might seem more real if I talked about him out loud instead of just fantasizing about him in my mind. � �śReally?” she asked intrigued. �śWho is it?” �śI met this guy at the beach last week. I sort of hit my head on a rock and fell in the water. He pulled me out and saved me.” �śHe saved you from drowning? Oh my gosh, that’s like, so romantic. Did he give you mouth to mouth?” she teased. �śNo, I wish,” I joked. My voice grew solemn. �śBut I don’t know if he’s interested in me, he’s kind of confusing.” �śHow could he not be interested, Sade? Did he ask you for your phone number? Did he say he wanted to see you again?” �śWell, sort of. He did say he was planning to see me again, but�"” She didn’t let me finish. �śYou know what I just realized,” she said, her face brightening. �śThis means you can come to Sadie Hawkins with our group this Saturday.” She clapped her hands in celebration. �śNow you have no excuse not to come. I mean, as long as they let you out of this place by then. Oh my gosh, you totally need to ask this guy to be your date. I have to meet him.” Was the Sadies dance this weekend? I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten. Well maybe I could�"things had been a little crazy the last couple weeks, part of which I’d spent completely unconscious. Plus there were so many other things more interesting to think about. In past years it was hard to forget the girl-ask-boy dance since it was practically named after me. Everywhere I went at school I kept hearing people say my name, especially other girls as they made plans and whispered about potential boys to invite. I’d always been happy to make plans right along with them, but not this year. I recalled the conversation I had with Heather a month earlier. I made it extremely clear to her I wasn’t planning to go this year, there weren’t any boys I wanted to ask, and I didn’t want her to ever bring up the subject again. I must’ve made my point since she never did bring it up again. Truthfully, she just caught me during one of my emotional episodes and I was feeling so down and anti-social I practically ripped her head off. I would’ve shot down anything she said no matter what it was. Poor Heather, she’d really suffered the brunt of my recent emotional roller coaster. No wonder she felt like I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. I really wanted to make it up to her now. I couldn’t say no to the dance after all I’d put her through. School dances were always an important part of our plans together in the past and it wouldn’t be fair to her if I broke the tradition now. Especially during our senior year, the last time we would get to create any of these special memories together. I mimicked Heather’s enthusiasm and said, �śThe dance is this weekend? Of course I want to come with you guys.” Heather’s smile widened, pleased with my response. Then it dawned on me. Rayne didn’t exactly seem like the type of guy who looked forward to a high school dance. He wasn’t even in high school. He’d probably think the whole idea was dumb and immature. �śWe’ve already started making plans,” Heather said with animation. �śI’m so glad I didn’t ask Trent Freeman last week like I was planning. I’ve already asked Nick and he said yes. Didn’t that work out perfect?” �śYeah, perfect,” I repeated, a little distracted. I was still thinking about Rayne. It was him and those sparkling eyes that were perfect. But he was a Keeper, an agent assigned to protect me, not exactly the typical date for a school dance. Not that I would mind an entire evening together with music, dancing, and staring into each other’s eyes, but he didn’t seem fond of being seen in public. �śSo what’s this guy’s name?” Heather said, lifting her eyebrows with interest. �śIs he hot?” I sighed against my pillow. �śHis name is Rayne,” I said, forgetting again that I was supposed to keep my knowledge of him a secret. �śHe’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met,” I said dreamily. �śAnd a complete mystery�Ś” I stared aimlessly across the room. At least, he was beautiful to me. I wasn’t sure what anyone else would think and I didn’t care either. Sure, he possessed a certain set of features that were generally considered good looking, but Rayne seemed like more than that to me. He wasn’t just a pretty face or a great set of abs. He was something special. �śOh�Śmy�Śgosh,” Heather said. �śYou are totally in love with this guy.” It was more of an accusation than a statement. I shook myself out of the dreamy trance. �śWhat? No I’m not. I just�"” Heather folded her arms and gave me a look that clearly said she wasn’t buying it. �śOkay fine,” I said. �śI’ve completely fallen for him. I can barely think about anything else.” I hated to admit it out loud. I threw a pillow over my face. How could it be true? How could I love someone I hardly knew? �śI can’t believe it,” Heather said. �śSadie James, the girl who’s never liked a boy enough in her entire life to even let one kiss her, has totally fallen in love. I knew this day would come.” I felt my stomach lurch. She was right. I did love him. Not only that, I was pretty sure I was in love with him. This might’ve been a wonderful realization if only I knew he felt the same way about me. It didn’t seem likely. Would I ever be more to him than just an assignment? Was I setting myself up for a broken heart? �śYou say that like it’s a good thing, but it feels more like torture,” I said. �śI don’t think he’ll want to go to the dance with me. I don’t even know if he likes me that way.” �śDon’t worry; it’ll work out,” she said. �śI mean, you guys barely met, right? You just need more time to, like, get to know each other. The dance would be the perfect opportunity to see where things go. Just ask him. I’m sure he’ll say yes.” She said it like it was so simple, but Heather had no idea how complicated the situation really was. �śI guess it couldn’t hurt to ask,” I said, the exact opposite of how I really felt. She smiled. �śYou better call me as soon as you know how it goes so we can do some more planning.” �śYou’ll be the first to know,” I said weakly. Heather didn’t notice my worried, wandering glances. Either that or she was purposely trying to ignore them. �śWe should go shopping together,” she said. �śDon’t forget that we need to buy shirts for our dates so they can match us. And we’re all getting together for dinner before the dance but we’re still trying to decide where to go. Nicole and Kelly want to go to Beach Pit BBQ since it’s more of a casual dance, and that makes sense I guess, but Beach Pit is always so crowded and they barely have any seating. So Lindsey and I came up with the idea to go to Duke’s in Huntington. I really think that would better, don’t you?” Heather’s ramblings were too much to take in. �śMaybe we should wait until I have a date before we make any solid plans,” I said. �śOh fine, but promise me you’ll come. It won’t be the same without you.” I didn’t want to disappoint her. I forced a smile. �śYeah�Śfor sure.” �śEven if this guy Rayne can’t come, you could always ask someone else. You know, to create a little competition. Guys always want what they can’t have.” I laughed. �śLet’s just call that plan B for now.” Heather gathered her things and cleaned what was left from dinner. �śJust call me as soon as you decide. The dance is only four days away.” As Heather said her goodbyes I started to worry. Only four days? That didn’t seem like enough time to gather the nerve to ask Rayne to be my date. Perhaps I could play it off as a casual favor, like it wasn’t really a date, just him helping me out on short notice. That seemed believable. At least there would be less pressure, less chance of getting turned down�"a fear I’d never experienced before. Or maybe Heather had a good idea. I could go with someone else while Rayne watched from the sidelines so he could see what he was missing. But playing games was immature. He’d see right through me, and he’d probably be too concerned about his assignment to notice anyway. When would I ask him? I didn’t have a way to contact him. For all I knew, he might not show up for days, or ever. He said he would come back. I had to believe him, to keep my sanity. But why couldn’t he just give me his phone number, or at least something? Despite how much I wanted to please Heather and enjoy a normal night with friends, finding a date to the dance was the least of my worries. I still didn’t know why I needed my own personal Keeper, or protective, healer agent-person, whatever Rayne was. And worse, I didn’t know how long I’d have to wait to see his beautiful face again. I lay in the lumpy hospital bed for hours, anxious thoughts swirling through my head. Through all the insecurity and speculation, only one thing was perceptively clear�"I was in love. If he disappeared again now, he’d take a part of my heart with him forever. There was no avoiding it. The mysterious, chivalrous, irresistible boy would be the path to my greatest passion or the cause of my deepest heartache. � � � � � � 13. RAYNE GETS A PHONE CALL� � � � � � Rayne recognized the number on his caller ID and lifted his phone happily to his ear. �śHi, buddy. Long time no talk.” Ash’s voice seemed even and distant on the other end. �śYeah. Hey, man.” Rayne recognized his friend’s sullen tone. �śIs something wrong? You sound off.” Ash hesitated. �śIt’s�Śmy father, Rayne. He broke out of Cayno.” Rayne peered up and down the hospital hallway and lowered his voice to a whisper. �śWhat? Are you serious?” He could hardly believe his ears. No one had ever escaped that place before. �śI’m dead serious,” Ash said. Rayne grimaced in disbelief and slid through the doorway leading to the stairwell. �śHow is that even possible?” �śYou know my father�Śhe’s resourceful. If anyone was bound to figure it out, it was him.” �śI guess,” Rayne said, still grasping the concept. �śWell, are you okay, buddy? I mean, he hasn’t tried to contact you or anything has he?” Silence filled the line.� � � � � � � � � � � � � Rayne understood the empty answer. �śYou can’t communicate with him. You understand he’s a fugitive, right?” When Ash finally answered, his tone was coarse. �śOf course I understand that. He’s also my father, in case you forgot.” �śIf you get involved, he’ll just bring you down with him.” �śI have to do this,” Ash said, as if convincing himself. �śI don’t expect you to understand.” �śRayne’s throat tightened. �śYou have to do what, Ash?” �śI’m calling because my father wants to meet with you tomorrow.” �śA meet? With me? What do I have to do with anything?” Ash’s voice softened. �śLook, man, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to get you involved. He just wants you to relay a message to Hamlin for him. That’s it.” �śAsh, why are you doing this?” �śAll I’m doing is making a simple phone call for my father. Okay? I’m not getting involved with anything else. Believe me; I tried to talk him out of this.” �śI just don’t think we should give in to his games,” Rayne protested. Ash sounded earnest. �śHe’s my dad�ŚIf this was your father, you would do the same. If anything, at least this way you’ll know what’s going on.” Rayne didn’t hear the last sentence. �śThis would never happen with my father. He doesn’t hurt innocent people.” Ash scoffed in frustration. �śLook, I think this could end up involving the girl,” he cautioned. �śYou should consider taking all the necessary precautions.” Rayne’s hands clenched into fists. �śYou told him about her?” � �śNo�Ś”Ash said. �śHe figured it out on his own. I swear.” Rayne sighed and ran his hand over his head, trying to decide what to do. The last thing he wanted was to get involved with a man like Voss, but if there was any chance Sadie could be harmed, he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. � �śSo will you be there, or not?” Ash challenged. Rayne’s tone was short. �śFine. Just give me the address.” Rayne took down the information and hung up in frustration. He slumped onto a step against the wall, resting his forehead in his hand. This couldn’t be good. What were the chances that anything having to do with Voss would end smoothly? Sometimes he wondered how his friendship with Ash had lasted so long. Ash was always getting him into trouble; always the little devil on his shoulder coaxing him into bad ideas. But this? This was taking things too far. How could Voss know about Sadie anyway? Ash was the only person that Rayne ever told. Did Voss really figure it out on his own, or was Ash just too cowardly to admit he had something to do with it? How could his friend even toy with the idea of pulling Sadie into his father’s warped existence? He thought of her gentle eyes next to such a monster and cringed. Rayne took quiet steps down the hall to Sadie’s room and slipped inside. Her sleeping face was that of an angel, innocent and unaware. She looked so peaceful. How could he bring all this heartache into her life? Was he strong enough to be all he needed to be for her? He had to be. He couldn’t let her down. He would choose his own torture before allowing someone like Voss Hastings to so much as breathe in her direction. � � � � � � 14. SURPRISE� � � � � � Sound hummed through the depths of my subconscious, causing me to stir. My eyes sprung open. The thick fog of sleep clouded my thoughts as I registered the voice. �śSadie�ŚSadie, it’s me,” he whispered, �śRayne.” The shimmering green eyes glistened at my bedside like two moons in a starry sky. I leapt forward in sudden comprehension, encircling his neck with both my arms. �śYou came!” I blurted happily. He stepped back to catch his balance and laughed quietly. �śShhhh�Ś” he gestured in amusement with a finger to his lips, signaling to lower my volume. I sunk back on the bed. �śSorry,” I whispered. He came. I knew he would. My body flooded with exhilaration, relieved at the sight of his calm smile. I glanced at the clock sitting next to the hospital bed. It was almost midnight. I tried to stay up for the end of my mom’s shift, but I must have dozed off. �śMy mom�"” I said. �śShe was just here. They told her you were asleep and she decided not to wake you. She went home.” �śOh,” I said, a little surprised. How did he always know everything? �śHow are you feeling? Are you doing okay in here?” he asked. �śYeah, I guess, besides being bored out of my mind.” And hanging on every moment until your return, I thought to myself. �śI had a feeling you might say that. How about a little fresh air?” �śUh,” I stammered. It was practically the middle of the night and there was a nurse not far from my door who knew me well. If she saw me leave my room I was sure she’d be concerned. �śYou mean now?” I asked, a little confused, but mostly intrigued. He controlled a mischievous grin. �śWhat? Don’t you trust me?” �śYes�Ś” I said, half as a statement half as a question. He didn’t hesitate. �śGood, then hurry and put on some clothes in the bathroom. I’ll wait here.” I felt strangely exhilarated as I dressed myself. I had no idea what he had in mind or how we were going to escape unnoticed. Did they lock the doors at night here? Did they let people roam in and out of the hospital at all hours of the night even if they weren’t hospital staff? I had no idea. How could I be the daughter of a nurse at this hospital for so long and not know that? I shuffled back in the room, fully dressed in the long sleeve t-shirt and jeans my mom brought for the day I’d go home. �śOkay, I’m ready,” I said in a quiet voice. Rayne was standing near the door.� He turned to face me. �śDo you have a sweater or something? It could be chilly out.” �śOh yeah, hold on,” I said. I’d been indoors for so long I hadn’t thought about the weather. I rummaged through the duffle bag and pulled out the white Roxy jacket my mom packed for me. �śOkay,” he whispered, pulling a khaki messenger bag over his shoulder. He waved a hand in his direction motioning me to join him. I zipped my jacket and tip-toed to his side. I felt like a prisoner trying to escape. I was never a rebellious person but I felt an odd thrill in our spontaneous adventure. Suddenly Rayne’s strong hand grasped mine, his skin so warm. My knees wobbled. I focused, inhaling a deep breath. The last thing I needed was a sudden muscle failure. Hopefully Rayne wouldn’t have to carry me out of here�"not that I would mind. He planted his back to the wall and cracked the door open. The nurse sat at her station a few yards away. �śCome on,” he whispered. He pulled me down the hall in the opposite direction. I followed him quickly taking soft steps. �śThe elevator’s back there,” I said. He grinned. �śWe’re taking the stairs.” He stopped in front of a door, pulling me through the opening. I didn’t even realize the stairs were over here. When I’d come to see my mom at the hospital in the past, I’d never bothered to take the stairs. Our escape was easier than I thought. In the stairwell I headed towards the lower level, but Rayne pulled me back. I looked at him confused. �śI thought we were going outside,” I said. �śWe are. You’ll see.” He led me up the steps. I wasn’t sure if my heart pulsed from the exercise or his apparent interest in being with me. It seemed like he was just as happy to be here as I was. I could’ve been wrong. I didn’t want to make assumptions, but it was hard to restrain the hope building inside me. He stopped at the next level and poked his head through the door. I wondered where he could be taking me. This floor was the highest I’d ever been in the building and the highest the public elevators would take people. Where was there left to go? �śIt’s clear,” he said. �śCome on.” We left the stairwell and walked to the hallway in front of the elevators, his hand still clasping mine. �śThose elevators only go down,” I said. �śI know,” he smirked. �śWe’re not taking those, we’re going over there.” He pointed to a third elevator at the end of the hall. I’d seen it before. My mother had shown it to me once when I was young. She said I was never allowed to wander in there. It was restricted access only. Not even all hospital staff had access to it. �śThat’s the restricted elevator,” I said. �śYou have to use a special pass or something to make it work.” He laughed. �śIt’s a good thing I have one of those, isn’t it?” He pulled a badge from his pocket. I reached my hand to grab it. �śWhere did you get that?” I asked, secretly impressed. His hand shot away, out of my reach. �śWouldn’t you like to know�Ś” My gaze darted back and forth. �śDid you steal that?” I said in a hushed tone. He smiled wryly and pressed the elevator button. �śI just�Śborrowed it. They’ll have it back before they know it’s gone.” �śYou’re a bad influence on me,” I joked with a flirtatious grin. The nervous thrill in me continued as we rode up the forbidden elevator. I couldn’t believe he was still holding my hand. Who would hold someone’s hand for so long if they didn’t like them? Unless he was just worried I would mess something up and get us caught if I didn’t stay by his side at all times. I hoped he would never let go. We made our way down a dark corridor and through a heavy, metal door. It led to a large open room with dim lighting. It was industrial looking with large pipes and machinery that hummed noisily. Maybe the room was just another room during the day but right now it was spooky. I squeezed Rayne’s hand in mine and clung to his forearm with the other, hugging it close. We crept along the wall to the other side of the room and came to what looked like a steel dock door. The massive door towered over our heads reaching up to the ceiling. Rayne stood me directly at the center of the metal door and dropped my hand. �śWait right here,” he said. I looked at him nervously, feeling a sudden flash of insecurity without his protective grip. He stood in front of me placing his hands on my shoulders. �śClose your eyes,” he said softly. My lids wanted to protest; closing them meant losing the perfect view of his face in front of mine. But my eyes drifted shut. I would pretty much do anything he asked of me without a second thought. His hands left me alone in the dark and my shoulders shivered. I stood quiet for only a moment, then a loud cranking noise caused me to flinch and a rush of cool air whirled around me. The crisp scent of the night breeze filled my lungs. I felt strangely at ease. I thought of the stale, recycled air of my hospital room and inhaled the outside air with even greater appreciation. The cranking of the door stilled, leaving only the faint sounds of night. Rayne’s hand brushed the small of my back as he led me forward. I moved cautiously, testing the ground below me, anticipation growing with each blind step. Finally we stopped. �śOkay,” he said. �śOpen your eyes.” My eyes fluttered open and I gasped. My hand shot forward, feeling the sudden need to catch my balance. Rayne’s strong hand steadied me as I wavered. We towered high in the air, surrounded by a magnificent view of the city below. �śWhoa�Ś” I breathed in unexpected awe. The street lights glittered below us through the darkness as far as I could see and I turned in a slow circle to take in the view. We were one level below the roof. There was a wide, outdoor path that circled around the sides of the building. He took my hand and pulled me around the corner, leaving behind the large metal door. A short concrete wall lined the outer edge of the path; the only separation from the pavement a good ten stories down. I skipped to the edge and leaned my body over the top to get a better look. �śI guess you’re not afraid of heights,” he said, taking my side. I turned to him with a wide smile. �śNo, this is great. I had no idea this was up here.” �śIt’s a place I like to come sometimes�"to think,” he said. �śIt helps me gain perspective. Things seem clearer up here.” �śYeah�Ś” I sighed in agreement. I missed his hand which was now folded through his arm as he leaned against the wall next to me. I moved slightly towards him until my arm brushed against his. �śThanks for sharing this with me,” I said. �śI have a place I like to go too. Maybe I could show it to you sometime.” �śMaybe,” he said. Instead of dwelling on the non-committal tone of his answer I allowed myself to enjoy the moment. We stood near each other in silence, gazing out in the starlight. There were so many questions I wanted to ask. Where was he from? Did he like being a Keeper? Did everyone’s eyes turn colors from the Healing Water? But the questions would have to wait. I made a promise to Heather earlier that day. I was supposed to invite Rayne to the Sadie Hawkins dance this weekend. I looked out at the glittering lights of Newport, my palms clammy. My index finger tapped against the concrete, gathering the nerve to speak. I couldn’t put it off. I knew I didn’t have much time. He could decide to leave as suddenly as he’d shown up at my bedside, and who knew when I’d get another chance to ask.� I turned away from the amazing view and searched his face with my gaze. �śRayne?” I said, heat gathering in my cheeks. He turned his body towards me. His wide chest called to my anxious eyes. � �śDo you think�Ś” I said, but I barely heard my own voice. Rayne also spoke, his words crossing over mine. Without thinking I repeated myself, but he spoke again, right at the same time. I laughed nervously, but didn’t say another word out of embarrassment. A chuckle escaped his lips. �śLadies first�Ś” My throat tightened. �śUh�Śit can wait. What were you saying?” I asked hoping to put off my humiliation. � He paused, the corners of his mouth turned down. �śSomething’s come up. It’s sort of an emergency. I was hoping to avoid this but�ŚI have to leave.” My gaze fell and I stared at the ground.� �śYou’re leaving?” Pain cut through my chest. Asking him about the dance was suddenly irrelevant. �śIt should only be a day, a few at the most. I wouldn’t be doing this right now if I didn’t feel it was absolutely necessary.” �śIs everything okay?” I asked. �śI mean, does this have anything to do with�Śme?” �śIn a roundabout way, yes,” he said. Before I could respond his body faced mine, his hand on my waist. �śBut I promise�Śyou have nothing to worry about. I won’t let anything happen to you.” �śWhat about you though? Will you be okay?” I asked. �śIs this something dangerous?” He didn’t hesitate. �śNo, there’s no danger. I just have a message I need to deliver to my superior in person.” Gloom clouded my words. �śBut you’ll be back in a couple of days?” �śTwo or three at the most,” he said. Any thoughts or arguments escaped my mind. All I could do was nod and stare in his eyes. �śOkay,” I said. Despite my concern, I didn’t know what else I could possibly say. He had to do his job. There was nothing I could do about it.� He slid his bag from his shoulder. �śI brought something for you. Well, it’s for me too, but I need you to make me a promise before I show it to you.” �śWhat is it?” I said. �śJust promise you won’t get mad, that you’ll let me explain before you jump to any conclusions.” I looked at him strangely. �śWhy would I be mad?” �śJust�Śpromise me.” �śOkay,” I said confused. �śI promise.” He undid the clasp and lifted the top flap of the bag, pulling out what looked like a small book. Why would I be mad about a book? I tried to get a better look as he moved it in his hand but it was too dark. �śHere,” he said. He held it out and hesitated. �śRemember, you promised.” As soon as the purple leather touched my hand I knew what he meant. I recognized the design of the whimsical, black butterfly immediately�"it was my diary. Red heat filled my cheeks. It wasn’t anger though; it was embarrassment. Why did he have my diary? Did he read it? Did he know all my silly personal thoughts and embarrassing moments? �śHow did you get this?” I asked in a short tone. I flipped through the pages to confirm my suspicions and scanned the writing; Dear Dad they began, Love Sadie they finished. �śYou stole my diary?” I questioned in disbelief. Did he break into my house? Was he in my room? Oh no, was it clean the last time I left it? It had been so long since I was there I couldn’t remember. �śActually, that’s my diary,” he said. I looked at him confused. �śNo, this is definitely my diary.” Rayne reached back in his bag and removed a second book. He held it out to me. �śThis one’s yours.” �śWhat?” I said. I tore the second book from his hand and examined it thoroughly. Every page, every inch of this book was exactly the same as the first. They were both my diary. How could that be? Each with the exact same writing on the same page, the ink colors the same, the shapes and lines of my scribbles and cross-outs were all the same. Even the childish drawings I’d added so often as a child were replicated with exactness.� I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. If he read this, that meant he knew everything about me. He knew about the pool party in eighth grade with the boogie board incident and my bathing suit top coming loose. He knew about the football game my freshman year when I accidentally sat on Lindsey’s nachos. Oh no, I wrote about him in there too; about when I met him at the beach. I said he was amazing and I might even love him. Someone please just shoot me now, I thought. Before I die of humiliation. My breaths quickened and I tried to calm myself. Maybe there was a chance he didn’t read it. Any decent person knew it was just plain wrong to read someone else’s diary. I glared at him and spoke in a slow, clear voice. �śPlease tell me you didn’t read this.” He looked at me sheepishly and shrugged. �śWell, kind of. Please don’t be angry�Ś” Of course I was angry. �śThat’s so not fair,” I said. �śNow you know every tiny detail about me and I still know nothing about you. This is so embarrassing. You must think I’m a complete idiot.” Rayne placed a hand on the side of my arm. My tensed muscles relaxed at his touch. He was skilled in calming my emotions. �śSadie,” he said, almost holding back a chuckle. �śEven your most embarrassing moments are completely charming.” My words stuck to my throat. �śBut I�Ś” What was he saying? He liked that I was an idiot?� �śI just�ŚI don’t understand why you have these,” I said, holding up the identical purple books. He took one from my grasp. �śYou hold onto that one and I’ll show you,” he said. I let the book go reluctantly and watched as he pulled a pen out of his bag. He opened the book and wrote on one of the pages, then clapped it shut. �śOkay, your turn,” he said. I stared at him. �śYou want me to write something in my book?” �śNo, just look at it,” he said with a grin. He flipped it right side up in my hand. A light suddenly glowed from the cover. I held it up in surprise. The usually dark rhinestone at the center of the butterfly was illuminated like a tiny purple light bulb. I’d never seen it do that before. �śWhat did you do?” I said. �śHow does that work?” I flipped the book around and examined it, not sure what I was looking for. �śLook closer,” he prompted, �śat the light.” I held the light directly in front of my face. A number glowed inside the center of the stone. �śEighty-seven?” I wondered aloud. �śPage eight-seven,” he added. �śOh�Ś” I breathed in understanding. I rummaged through the pages, eager to see what they held in store. I finally read the number eighty-seven on the page and looked up excitedly at Rayne’s thoughtful face, his eyes glowing faint green through the dark. There was something written at the top of the page. The handwriting was small and neat, printed in all caps: � � DEAR SADIE, � I’M SORRY I READ YOUR DIARY. CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME? I’LL BEG IF I HAVE TO. PRETTY PLEASE? WITH SUGAR ON TOP? � ~RAYNE � � I gave him an incredulous glance. �śYou just wrote something in there,” I pointed to the book in his hand. �śAnd somehow the words instantly appear in this one?” I held the book closed with just a finger holding my place on the page. As I held it up I noticed the light was gone. I stared at it in examination. �śThe light resets after you open the book to the correct page,” he said. He held the pen towards me. �śIt works the same way with both books. Now you can respond to my message in your own book and I’ll be able to read it here.” How was it that each time I was with him he found a way to amaze me even more? �śSo how does it work?” I said. �śIs this some kind of trick with that special liquid again? You used it to make a copy of my diary or something?” �śNo, it’s nothing like that,” he said. �śIt’s called a Twin Document. Advanced technology networks the pages together. I’m not really involved with the technical side of things. Even I don’t know much about it, but they’re very rare.” I had to admit�Śthat was pretty cool. I marveled aloud, �śLike super-disguised text messaging.” I forgot about my embarrassment when I realized he was showing me a way to communicate with him while he was gone. �śThis pair was made especially for you,” he said. �śWell, for me, as an added way to look after you.” My spirits lifted slightly. I might be able to hear from him while he was gone rather than being left helplessly in the dark. �śSo what you’re saying is, you have a copy of my diary so you can spy on me,” I said playfully. Deep down I knew what it really meant; it meant that, for some reason, great measures were being taken to ensure Rayne could watch over me. I suppressed my fears. It felt easier at the moment to make light of the situation. I wasn’t sure I was ready to accept whatever truth was at the center of it all. �śYou are pretty fun to spy on,” he said. I pushed on his arm. �śOh really?” He smiled but took a step back. �śAnyway, now you have a way to get a hold of me while I’m gone.” I wasn’t sure what it was but I felt distance in his tone. Suddenly I was just his assignment again. �śWouldn’t it be easier if you gave me your number?” I asked. �śDon’t you have a cell phone?” It seemed a little dramatic to need some high-tech device to communicate. �śYes, I have a cell phone, but I’ll be travelling out of signal range for a good part of the time. The book will work pretty much anywhere,” he explained. Out of signal range? How far away was he planning to go? �śLet me see it,” I said holding out my hand with a grin. He looked at me hesitantly and didn’t move. �śIt’s just a phone. Please?” I cooed, fluttering my eyelashes. He rolled his eyes with an amused grin and handed over his phone. I was surprised he’d given in so easily. I dialed my number onto the device and pulled my own phone out of my pocket which was set to silent. My phone buzzed in my palm at the incoming call. �śThere. Now I have your number,” I said. �śAnd you have mine.” He reached for his phone and put it away. �śI already have your number, Sadie.” My cheeks flushed. �śWell, maybe now you’ll actually call me sometime.” I looked at him hopefully. His face stiffened. �śRight now it’s probably better if we stick to using the diary. You shouldn’t dial my number unless it’s an emergency.” I was mortified. How could I be so stupid? Of course he didn’t want to call me. What he wanted was to do his job, to protect his assignment. How could I read his signals so wrong? But the way he looked at me sometimes, and touched me so gently�Ś �śSure, of course,” I said, hiding my anxiety. I leaned against the wall and stared at the streetlights. He followed me. �śWas there something you wanted to tell me earlier? Before I interrupted?” My eyes darted to the side. There was no way I could ask him to go to the dance with me now. He didn’t even want me to call him on the phone. �śIt’s not a big deal,” I said, squirming. �śJust forget I mentioned it.” With a huff I hurried towards the entrance of the metal door. � �śSadie, wait,” he said, catching up to me, tone apologetic. �śPlease tell me.” �śIt’s a dumb idea. You’ll think it’s stupid.” I looked to the ground. His hand lifted my chin carefully, searching my eyes with his. His soft touch taunted me, spurring the longing inside me he continued to deny. �śI’m sorry,” he whispered. �śI don’t think your ideas are dumb, please tell me.” My legs rocked forward and back. �śI�ŚI was going to ask if you could do me a small favor.” I couldn’t ask him to be my date. I was too scared. He would reject me. It would just be him doing me a favor. �śA favor? I could probably do that,” he said. �śThere’s a dance this Saturday at my school.” I glanced at him and shot my eyes away again. �śMy friends really want me to go, but it’s girl ask guy and�Ś” I spouted the words as quickly as possible. �śAnd since I’ve been in the hospital I didn’t have time to find a date, but it doesn’t have to be a date, it would just be a favor, you know, so I don’t have to go alone. We wouldn’t have to tell anyone who you really are, we could just tell them we met at the beach the other night. Of course now you might not even be here in a few days anyway so�Ś” I finally had the courage to stop and look at him for a response. My heart beat faster than my words rambled. He stood still and frozen. �śYou want me to go to a school dance with you?” He was obviously surprised by my request. My mouth squeaked, questioning my own words. �śYes?” I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. �śUh, Sadie, that’s not�Ś” His voice trailed awkwardly. My insecurities mounted. �śJust�Śnever mind,” I said. Heat pulsed fiercely inside me. After a few sporadic thumps in my chest he spoke again with a smooth, confident tone. �śActually, on second thought, I will take you to the dance.” On second thought? It wasn’t exactly the romantic moment I’d hoped for, but, if my burning ears heard correctly, he said yes. �śWait, you will?” I asked. �śI don’t think I’ll have a problem getting back by then. And if I recall correctly,” he said with a tinge of humor, �śthe last time you went out alone with a guy you ended up in the emergency room.” I laughed weakly. �śTrue�Ś” �śI would have to trail you all night anyway, for my own piece of mind. Now that you know about me, it would be easier if I didn’t have to hide in the shadows. At least I would be the one driving.” Right, of course, I thought. It would be easier for him to do his job and protect me if he had a reason to be with me all night. But he would be with me all night; that would have to be enough. I had to be near him. I would endure the mixed signals and the rejection. They couldn’t compare to the heartache I would endure if he left me too long. �śGreat, then we have a d–” No, it’s not a date, I thought stammering. �ś�Śa plan.” Rayne’s gaze shifted to the distance. The night felt colder now; the mystery and romance of the rooftop had slipped away to the night. �śThere’s something you have to understand, Sadie.” �śOkay,” I said. His eyes were serious. �śI’m not supposed to get emotionally involved with anyone. It’s a requirement of my job. I’m breaking a lot of rules just talking to you and I can’t take further risks. I need to make sure you understand this. I�ŚI don’t want you to get your feelings hurt.” Was my heart still thumping in my chest? For a moment I thought it failed me. So it was certain; I didn’t have to wonder anymore. Any small hope I’d held onto was gone. He didn’t love me.� � � � � � � � � � � � � 15. VOSS SENDS A MESSAGE� � � � � � Voss tapped impatiently on the steering wheel of his McLaren MP4-12C; the newest edition to his collection of cars. If he had to wait, at least he could do it in style. He lifted his head, eyes closed, and breathed in the smell of civilization�Śand freedom. His mind went back to his last conversation. After thirty-six years, Voss still didn’t understand his own son.� Ash had made such a fuss about involving his little, farm-boy friend, Rayne, in Voss’s plans. He never understood why Ash insisted on being friends with such a simpleton in the first place; the boy’s skills and intelligence were certainly no match for anyone in their family. The Hastings came from a long line of Scouts and Council Members; beginning with Sir Thomas Hastings himself. The name meant something once. It seemed like they let just about any old fool into the Academy these days. Like Rayne Stevens. Voss mumbled a scoff under his breath. �śStevens.” Please, no one important had even heard the name before. Why couldn’t his son grasp the importance of his own station? Ash knew where his loyalties should lie, yet he always managed to be a disappointment. Why did his son choose to associate himself with such buffoons? Voss laughed to himself dryly. �śSpeaking of buffoons�Ś” Rayne Stevens crossed the lot towards Voss’s parked car. Now here I am, having to stoop down to the same level, Voss thought. He slammed the car door behind him and stood sternly in his place never breaking his glare from Rayne’s. What a weak excuse for a Keeper. �śMr. Stevens�Śhow good of you to join me,” Voss said. Rayne’s glare remained intact. �śSkip the intros; let’s just get this over with.” �śFine. I trust Ash made it clear on the phone why I wanted to meet you here.” Rayne folded his arms with contempt, his tone sarcastic. �śYeah. I think I got the gist of it.” �śGood, then I have a message for you to pass on to your dearest Hamlin. Do you think you can handle that or should I find some crayons for you to take notes?” Rayne gritted his teeth. �śGive me one good reason why I shouldn’t take you out right here and now.” Voss didn’t hesitate, his smile smug. �śBecause I know about your cute little friend�ŚSadie is it?” Rayne scowled and leapt forward with a furious fist, but he stopped just before his target. Voss pulled open his suit coat, flashing a concealed weapon in warning, and glanced across the grass at a playground full of children. �śPlus, it would be a shame if you had to rush to the aid of a dying child, hit tragically by a stray bullet.” �śYou’re joking, right? Even you wouldn’t stoop that low.” �śI never joke, Mr. Stevens. I do what it takes. You have a choice: the hard way or the easy way.” �śFine. Just give me the stupid message then.” Voss smiled and refastened the buttons of his suit. �śTell Hamlin: not only do I know about his precious little secret, but I’m perfectly capable of revealing that information to whomever I want, when I want. If he has any interest in preserving his position and reputation, he will find a way to convince the Council to exonerate me of my crimes and reinstate my position. Otherwise, I can’t make any promises.” Rayne stared in disbelief. �śYou know he’ll never comply.” �śYes, well I’m afraid I’m not interested in your opinion, Mr. Stevens. But if you could just relay the message exactly as I’ve stated it, that will suffice.” Voss opened his car door with a smirk. �śOh, and don’t try anything�Śclever.” His dark eyes turned suddenly fierce. �śI’m not working alone this time. I have backups waiting to hear from me. If they don’t hear my voice every twenty-four hours, someone�"like maybe a cute little blonde-haired someone�"could end up getting hurt.” Voss continued to glare until he’d made his intentions clear. �śOf this you can be sure, Mr. Stevens. We’ll be watching you.” � � � � � � 16. HOME� � � � � � I slept late into the morning. It had been hard to fall asleep last night after Rayne left me to go on his secret, mission thing. I rolled over in the blanket and reached for my diary on the side table with silly anticipation, but the purple stone which signified a new message from him was dark. I hated that I felt so desperate when he was gone. I wanted to feel in control of myself. I wanted to be strong, to feel independent without him here, but the stark white hospital room felt lonely and cold in his absence. I opened the book and read his last message, the one he’d written just minutes after he left: � � I’M ONLY A PEN STROKE AWAY�Ś � � I stared at the words, reading them over and over again. I’d been conscious only minutes but already I couldn’t stop wondering. What was he doing? Was he safe? Did he miss me at all? I grabbed a pen and held it over the half-empty page. Wouldn’t it seem too eager to write him so soon? Had he gone home to sleep last night? Maybe he hadn’t even left town yet. My hand hovered over the page without moving. Didn’t I have any pride left? I could go a while longer without hearing from him, right? I slammed the book shut on my lap. Of course I could. I wasn’t some silly girl who spent her time waiting around for a boy to make her happy. The hospital bed quickly became my own personal prison cell. I had to get out of here today, before I went completely mad with cabin fever. I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to see my friends. I wanted my own bed in my own room. I wanted to go back to my normal life. I jumped out of the bed with all my energy and went immediately to my phone. My mom’s voice sang on the other end of the line. �śMorning, sweetheart.” I didn’t return her pleasantries. �śMom, I need to get out of here. It’s time to go home. I’m going crazy.” �śHoney, calm down,” she urged. �śDr. Jensen and I are just going to do a few final tests when I get in for my shift this afternoon. Then I promise I’ll take you home.” �śCan’t you come any sooner? I’m so bored I want to shoot myself. I don’t need any more tests. I feel one hundred percent, completely and totally fine.” �śOkay, okay,” she said, somewhat amused by my dramatic tone. �śYou don’t need to shoot yourself. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” �śYes! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mom. You’re the best.” I hung up the phone and perched on the couch in triumph. As I took pleasure in the prospect of going home I noticed a tray of breakfast food sitting untouched on one of the tables across the room. I skipped across the floor thinking happy thoughts about home, but stopped half way there. My head jolted to the right at the tiny purple light glowing faintly in the sunlit room. I thought I was imagining the light; it was probably just the rays of sun glinting through the window and bouncing off the stone like an illusion. But I had to check�"just to be sure. I hopped on the bed and pulled the leather book to my lap. My heart leapt with delight. The page number glowed from the tiny stone in the reflection of my eyes. It was him; he sent me a message. That meant he was thinking about me right this very moment. I skimmed eagerly through the pages to reveal the welcomed message. When I found the right page an uncontrollable smile crossed my face. I read the short phrase written in Rayne’s handwriting: � � GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE. � � The neatly written message sent a surge through my body. The permanent smile on my face grew as I read the greeting several times. Just knowing Rayne wrote these three little words specifically for me, made the world seem brighter. But I had to be smart. I had to remember his cautions not to get my hopes up. He warned me nothing could come between him and his job. He couldn’t take any more risks. That meant I had to suppress the fact that I loved him and that every moment he was away was like a slow form of torture. I tried to keep my cool and act casual as I wrote back: � � Hey, good to hear from you. How’s your trip? � � That sounded casual, right? But was it too casual? Maybe I should’ve sounded a little happier to hear from him. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t care at all. As I analyzed the wording a small paragraph suddenly appeared below my handwriting: � � EVERYTHING’S FINE. MY BUSINESS IS DONE HERE. I HAVE A STOP TO MAKE ON MY WAY BACK. IF THERE AREN’T ANY COMPLICATIONS, I SHOULD BE THERE SOME TIME TONIGHT. � � � � � � � � � � � � His business was already done? I thought he said he was traveling far away. It was still morning. I wasn’t too surprised though; he was always doing things that seemed amazing or impossible in some way. That meant he might be back tonight, just hours away. I could handle that. I’d barely had an opportunity to worry and he was already on his way home. I wrote back feeling relieved: � � I’m glad things went well. Hopefully there won’t be any problems. I have good news. My mom is letting me go home today! � � Last night I was dreading this day, but maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. His response appeared at the bottom of the page: � � I’M SURE GOING HOME WILL BE A RELIEF. JUST DON’T RUN OUT AND GET INTO TROUBLE BEFORE I GET BACK. � � I smiled with a small laugh and wrote: � � Don’t worry your assignment will keep herself safe while you’re away�Ś � � Even though I joked, the hidden truth behind the words pinched at my heart. He obviously cared for my wellbeing, but not in the way I longed for. I could even survive all day in this hospital cell as long as his words continued to appear on the page, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t write much longer. He would get back to business�"that was his priority. He seemed to read my mind as he wrote: � � I HAVE TO GET GOING IF I WANT TO MAKE IT BACK TONIGHT. THERE MIGHT BE A FEW HOURS WHERE I WON’T BE ABLE TO RESPOND BUT I’LL BE IN TOUCH LATER. BE SAFE�Ś � � I wrote back, okay talk to you later, and that was it; no more responses. He didn’t give me any details, but it seemed like he was okay. At least I had that. I should hear from him again later today so I had something to look forward to. I focused my thoughts on going home instead of stressing over the fact that I was in love with someone who was only talking to me out of obligation. While I waited for my mom to show, I sent a text message to Heather letting her know I secured a date to the dance. As soon as her class ended she called. She was ecstatic of course, and jumped right into making more plans. I tried to explain to her he was just coming as a favor, that he’d specifically told me he just wanted to be friends, but she was still optimistic. �śThat might be what he says now,” she said. �śBut he could’ve easily, like, made up some excuse not to come. But he didn’t. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet; he totally likes you. I bet after spending the whole night with you on this date he’ll change his mind. This is you we’re talking about, Sadie. No guy could spend a whole night with you and not be completely smitten.” Either Heather was trying really hard to boost my ego, so I wouldn’t feel bad Rayne didn’t return my feelings, or she’d set me up on some pedestal in her head that was entirely unrealistic. Either way, I wished I could share in her optimism, but I knew the real reason Rayne agreed to come to the dance�"to be my bodyguard. Heather and I decided to go shopping after school this afternoon to buy outfits for Saturday night. It was a Sadie Hawkins tradition to wear matching shirts with your date to the dance. Hopefully my mom would show up to the hospital soon, so I’d be sure to leave in time. Who knew how long they would make me stick around to finish their irrelevant tests. Luckily, my mom showed up just as I said goodbye to Heather. I was hoping the day would be full of distractions to keep my mind off of Rayne. There were a few moments when my mom left me alone with Dr. Jensen and I took advantage of the opportunity to ask him a little about himself. I’d always thought he seemed like potential dating material for my mom but she never would listen to me. I thought if I dropped a few hints, he might be willing to ask her out. �śSo how do you like working at the hospital?” I asked, starting up a conversation. Dr. Jensen shined a light into one of my eyes. �śI enjoy it most of the time,” he said casually. He was a handsome man. Even I noticed, and he was old enough to be my father. �śThe hours can be kind of crazy sometimes, right?” I continued. �śDoes that ever make it hard on your family? Your wife probably barely gets to see you.” Truthfully, I knew that Dr. Jensen wasn’t married but I didn’t want to seem obvious about my motives. �śNo, I’m not married,” he said. �śReally?” I said in fake surprise. �śI would think a successful guy like you would’ve been snatched up a long time ago. But you have a girlfriend, right?” That part I wasn’t sure about. If he did have a girlfriend then it would make sense why my mom was always saying they were just friends. If his answer was no, well, I would have to see what I could do to change that. �śI’ve dated around. Just never found someone to settle down with I guess.” He eyed me with a suspicious smile and placed a metal instrument to my ear. He didn’t have a girlfriend after all. What was my mom waiting for? He was the most attractive, single doctor at the hospital and he seemed like a nice guy. �śMy mom is single too,” I hinted. �śSeems like it could get a little lonely, maybe you two should hang out sometime. You could keep each other company�Ś” He stopped what he was doing and laughed without humor. �śSadie, that’s very sweet, but the truth is, I’ve invited your mother out on several occasions and she turned me down every time.” �śWhat?” I said. I couldn’t hide my disapproval. �śI don’t know what’s wrong with her.” �śIt’s okay,” he said, suddenly losing his ere of confidence. �śShe said she’s not looking for a relationship right now and I have to respect that.” His words were right, but his voice clearly showed signs of hurt feelings. He stood upright with a frustrated expression. �śNo matter how much you care for someone, you can’t force them to return the feelings.” The next thing I knew he was out the door. He didn’t even finish his tests. My mouth gaped at the closed door. Clearly this was a sore subject for the doctor. His interest in my mother was obvious. Why did she continue to turn him down? Was she holding back because of me? No, I’d always made it known I encouraged her to date. My thoughts were dispersed when a stocky nurse entered the room. �śYour mom’s filling out some paperwork to check you out. Go ahead and get dressed, dear, she’ll be here in a few minutes to help you with your things.” Finally�Śtime to go home. My mom insisted on gathering the last of my personal items in the room while I sat on the couch and watched. I twirled the stem of Rayne’s vibrant, orange daisy between my fingers while I waited; the one he brought to life with his Healing Water just four days ago. I pictured his brilliant smile in my mind and daydreamed, remembering his secret visit to my room. I kept the orange flower aside from the other floral arrangements. Most of them were wilted now, not worth bringing home. I didn’t even keep the orange daisy in water but it still looked perfect. When we finally left the hospital I hoped there wouldn’t be a reason to return anytime soon. I walked out the glass doors with a gleam in my eye, breathing in large sighs of fresh sunshine and coastal breeze as it waved around my cheeks. It was a different feeling from the dark air of the rooftop the night before, mysterious and exhilarating. Last night my legs floated forward without me knowing how they landed. The air today felt familiar, ordinary even. My feet moved with grounded, level steps towards the dolphin pattern on the wall of the parking structure I’d seen so many times before. Mom took me out to lunch before dropping me off at home and heading back to the hospital for her shift. As usual, we talked about obvious topics while we ate; my plans with Heather to go shopping and the dance on Saturday, the pile of homework left on the desk for me at home brought by several classmates, our plans for girl’s night tomorrow since it was her night off at the hospital. It was strange to have so much hidden information at the tip of my tongue without being able to share it with her. She was always there for me when I had questions about life�"on the rare occasions they came up�"but now I had secrets, things I knew but just couldn’t tell her. I didn’t like it. It felt wrong, like I was being dishonest. Yet it would feel just as wrong to tell her too. Keeping secrets was stressful. Mom pulled the car up our driveway. I was glad Heather would be over in less than an hour. Keeping my day full of distractions was working fairly well to keep my mind off of him. Of course that didn’t keep me from glancing in my bag every few minutes at my diary in hopes the purple rhinestone would be lit. �śThere’s a little surprise for you in the living room,” Mom said as the car idled. �śIt’s a welcome home gift.” �śYou didn’t have to do that,” I said with pleasant surprise. �śYou’re gonna love it.” She looked at the clock and sighed. �śI wish I could come watch your face when you see it, but I’m already running late.” �śI can wait until you’re home to open it if you want.” She made a pouty gesture with her lip. �śOh, it will just take a minute,” she said eagerly, changing her mind. She leapt out of the car. I followed behind as she pranced up the sidewalk and unlocked the door. I pictured a brightly wrapped box on the coffee table filled with a new blouse or a cute pair of shoes. The door swung open and I realized I was way off. It didn’t even look like our house. My jaw fell as I glanced back and forth around the remodeled space; there was new furniture, new paint, even a new wood floor. I looked at her with wide eyes. �śWhoa, what did you do?” She grinned. �śWhat do you think? Do you like it?” �śI love it!” I said. I wasn’t even here to help her this time. �śWhen did you have time to do all this?” I wondered. She’d spent a lot of extra time at the hospital with me this week. It was hard to believe there was time left over to do all this work. �śWell, I wasn’t sleeping much at first�Ś” She saw the disapproval in my glare and changed direction. �śActually, Mark did most of it. I picked everything out, but he did the hard part.” Mark? Wow, she actually used Dr. Jensen’s first name. She didn’t even flinch or correct herself. That seemed like a good sign. I almost mentioned my conversation with the handsome doctor to her, but it wasn’t the time. She had to run to work and this was a topic that would take time to discuss. �śThat was so nice of him,” I said. �śIt looks amazing.” �śI’m glad you like it,” Mom said. �śIt’s so good to have you home.” A little moisture pooled in her eyes. She looked away to conceal her emotions. I threw my arm around her. �śThanks, Mom. It’s great to be home.” She smiled at me for a moment then threw up her hands in realization. �śI have to go. I’m late for work.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran out the door. The living room looked great but it was all different and new to me. I took a few minutes to walk around the rest of the house and take in the familiarities. It started to feel like home again. I saved my room for last. I threw my bag to the ground and landed myself face first on the bed to give it a big hug. I turned on some cheerful music to welcome myself officially home and unpacked all the things that accumulated at the hospital. When I hung up my jacket in the closet, I noticed the large black hoodie hanging out of place in the corner. Rayne’s sweater; I forgot it was here. I yanked it down and held it close to my face. It didn’t smell right. The scent was too floral and breezy. My mom must have washed it while I was away. I pulled on the sweatshirt immediately and wore it around my room. Even without Rayne’s scent, it still gave me a measure of comfort, like part of him was wrapped around me. I tried to enjoy the sweater while I could; I would have to take it off when Heather arrived. She wouldn’t approve of being seen in public with me dressed in a ragged boy-sweater; especially at the mall. I peeled off the small Band-Aid concealing the birthmark on my wrist and tossed it in the trash. There was so much on my mind I’d almost forgotten about it. The color had changed again. It was still blue, but now it was darker like a sapphire. I wondered if it would stay blue or return to its usual pitch blackness. I examined my eyes in the mirror at my Grandmother’s vanity. They were darker too, maybe even darker than they were normally. There had to be some connection there with my birthmark, but I didn’t get to ask Rayne any of my questions last night. Maybe there would be a better chance when he returned later today. I took my watch from my jewelry box and secured it on my wrist. I continued to clean up around the room, glancing several times at the face of my diary, even though it wouldn’t light up for several hours. I decided to buy a new diary while shopping with Heather today. I certainly couldn’t write anything private in my old one. It had an even better purpose now. My cell phone chimed with the sound of an incoming text message and wishful thinking popped to the surface. I ran across the room. It could be a message from Rayne. My fingers fumbled with the phone buttons, revealing a message from Heather. Of course it was Heather. Logically this made a lot more sense; I just seemed to be forgetting logic lately. Heather showed up a few minutes later to drive us to the outdoor mall at Fashion Island. Although my car had been towed back to my house by Heather’s dad, it still sat with a flat tire parked at the curb. Heather usually drove when we went out anyway. Her car was much newer than mine, with a working radio and air conditioning. She was in a cheerful mood and hardly stopped between her excited chattering to breathe. � �śEveryone’s been talking about the dance around school today,” she said. �śIt’s going to be a blast. Julie just asked Connor to be her date, since she broke up with Darrin last week. She says they’re just going as friends, but I think they’ve secretly liked each other for a while now.” I wanted to be excited with her, but I was disinterested in the usual talk about friends and school. I had this weird, blah feeling. Maybe because I’d been away from everything at school for so long, or I was tired from having so many secrets bottled inside�"or maybe it was just too hard to act happy when I knew Rayne didn’t have feelings for me. Heather and I barely made amends and I didn’t want to jeopardize that. I made an extra effort to disguise my mellow mood so she wouldn’t think I didn’t care. �śJulie and Connor seem like they’d be cute together,” I said optimistically. �śJulie wants to join our dinner group,” Heather said. �śI told her I’d have to check with the restaurant, but I just called and they said it would be fine. That makes twelve of us now. Hopefully it won’t be too crazy with such a big group.” �śI think a big group will be fun,” I said. �śYou’re right,” she agreed. �śI can’t wait. So do you know what kind of shirts you want to look for?” �śI haven’t really had a chance to think about it. Any suggestions?” �śWell Nicole bought surf t-shirts for her and Brandon,” she said. �śAnd Lindsey already bought hoodies for her and Zach. But I was thinking of doing something a little classier, you know, something both me and Nick will look really hot in.” �śI’m sure you’ll look hot together no matter what you end up wearing,” I promised. �śThe hard part will be finding something that matches, that’s in both guys’ and girls’ sizes.” I was right; it was hard to find matching clothes for both us and our dates, especially with how picky Heather was being. She dragged me from store to store all afternoon in search of the perfect ensemble but never found what she was hoping for. I tried to pick out numerous possibilities, but there was always something she found wrong. The colors don’t match close enough, this one looks good on me but it won’t look right on a guy, that style’s too outdated. I was getting tired and it wasn’t an easy charade to disguise my gloom for Heather’s benefit. I stopped in front of a bench along the outdoor walkway. �śSit down for a minute,” I said. �śLet’s take a break.” Heather plopped down frustrated on the bench next to me. �śMaybe I should just give up,” she said overdramatically. Once she had her heart set on something, it was hard to bring her expectations down to reality. It was usually my job to remind her. �śWe still have a few stores left to look at,” I said. �śAnd if you don’t find what you want there, we can always go back to those yellow sweaters we saw earlier. I thought you looked really cute in yours.” After the short break, we continued on to the next store on Heather’s list, not giving up on her quest. Luckily, at the second store we went to she found a pair of red sweaters she seemed excited about. I sighed with relief when I realized her clothing crisis was finally resolved. Now that her own situation was taken care of she focused all her attention on me. I wasn’t sure what type of clothes Rayne liked, but as far as I could tell it wasn’t out of the ordinary. The night we’d met at the beach he wore typical beach attire, cargo shorts and a t-shirt�"along with his black sweatshirt I’d claimed as my own. And the other night at the hospital he wore jeans and a long sleeve, crew neck shirt�"kind of a nicer, casual look. Sometimes I imagined him in a sleek, black suit, pointing a gun stealthily around corners like a government spy. It was a good look for him, but it was just my daydreams getting carried away. With Heather’s help I decided on a pair of light blue, button-up shirts, his in a slim-fit, men’s style and mine in a flattering feminine cut. Heather had the rest of my outfit planned before the shirts were even paid for; dark indigo jeans, white camisole, and black heeled boots. I didn’t mind. I wasn’t in the mood to worry about clothes so she was doing me a favor. Heather wanted to look at jewelry to add to our outfits. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could last and I really wanted to buy a new diary at the bookstore. She wasn’t exactly thrilled with that idea so we agreed to split up and meet afterward. The selection of diaries was limited, but I couldn’t expect any of them to live up to my old one. I checked in my bag for the hundredth time, hoping the stone would be lit on the purple book, signaling a new message from Rayne, but there was still no word from him. I flipped through the blank pages of a boring black journal on display. My feelings of melancholy seemed to be growing. I stared at the different journals and diaries on the shelf not caring which one I bought. I grabbed one without thought and carried it to a lounge chair in the back corner of the maze of bookshelves. As I sat blankly in the large chair, I found myself quietly singing to the song the store had playing over the speakers in the background. Worry lines creased my face as sadness crept in my heart. Was I going to have an emotional outburst right here in the large-chain bookstore? The feelings weren’t too overwhelming at first, at least not as bad or sudden as some of the crazy spells in the past. It was more of a gradual onset. Maybe I could avoid becoming overwhelmed if I thought of something uplifting. I pulled my old diary from my purse and flipped through the pages, searching for Rayne’s handwriting. I read through each of his messages again. It helped a little�"at least I thought. A new song hummed over the speakers that sent an unnerving shiver up my spine. I wasn’t sure why the song bothered me. I didn’t know the name or who sang it, but it was strangely familiar; and I knew the lyrics for some reason. I sang a few whispered words without realizing I was doing it right away. The words rolled off my tongue in sync with the melody. My body became still and rigid, as if caught in a metal vice. It felt like I recalled a memory, only I couldn’t remember what it was. It wasn’t a pleasant memory though, it was something sad. Suddenly I felt sick, my stomach turning into knots. I didn’t want to feel the sadness. I fought the feeling, pushed it away. I covered my ears and hummed inside my head to drown out the emotions. It dragged on forever, but finally the song was over. To anyone else it would’ve been a perfectly nice song, but to me it felt like a punishment. I stayed in the chair, trying to pull myself together and bridle my emotions. It would be embarrassing to leave the store in tears. I focused on the new song that was playing�"luckily, one that didn’t have negative sentiments attached�"and took in deep calming breaths. Once I had control of myself, I decided to buy the new diary and leave the store as quickly as possible. I cleared my mind as best I could, sat upright in the cushy chair and unclenched my arms that hugged my old diary to my chest. I moved the book down to my lap and gazed at the center of the butterfly pattern. I’d waited all day for the light to shine and finally, when I needed it most, the purple glow appeared. � � � � � � 17. RENDEZVOUS� � � � � � Contradicting emotions surged through my chest, both joy and pain. My mind was relieved, finally hearing from Rayne, yet my body continued to ache with sadness. Normally I would’ve flipped through the pages of my diary at lightning speed to see his message but my fingers moved apathetically through the book. Tears glistened in the corners of my eyes when I finally reached his words on the page: � � IS SOMETHING WRONG? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? � � The phrase sent a new flood of emotions clenching through me. Knowing he was there brought comfort, but also triggered a release of the feelings I was trying hard to suppress. The wetness that had only hovered on the surface of my eyes now ran in small streams down my face. It felt like he’d read my mind. For a second I thought he knew how I was feeling, was somehow aware of my distress. But he couldn’t have known�"could he? I wanted to poor out every thought in my heart to him but instead tried to hold it in, to brush it off as nothing. I quickly wrote: � � I’m okay. I’m at the mall. I might go home soon though, I’m not feeling well. � � That sounded casual, right? Like it was just a stomach ache or something. I barely moved, aside from wiping my wet cheeks with my hand. I was glad there weren’t any shoppers nearby to witness my lack of self-control.� Rayne’s response surprised me a little as a new message appeared on the page: � � NOT FEELING WELL PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY? � � He saw right through me. I should’ve known. It was embarrassing enough that he read my past diary entries, I wasn’t about to tell him any new embarrassing moments too. I didn’t want him to think I was some sort of needy, emotional basket case. Although, now that I thought about it, I was surprised he even needed to ask for clarification. For all I knew he was spying on me right now. It was hard to hide anything from him. Even when I tried, he always figured things out in one way or another. He needed to know because it was his job. He didn’t care if I was a total head case; he just cared about doing his duty. There wasn’t much point in fighting it. I replied with the truth and wrote: � � Mostly emotional I think. � � I barely lifted my pen off the page before his writing appeared below mine: � � I NEED TO SEE YOU. I’M NOT FAR. � � I inhaled a happy breath. He needed to see me. I was probably reading into his words more than he meant, but it was hard not to feel hope. How was it possible to need someone as much as I needed him right now? I hated to admit it, but reading his words only multiplied my longing to be with him. I couldn’t get over how illogical it was to have such strong feelings for him so fast, but I was far past logic. He wrote again: � � CAN YOU MAKE IT HOME OR SHOULD I COME GET YOU? I CAN BE THERE IN 15 MINUTES. � � Hiding here in this corner until Rayne came to my rescue was tempting, but I couldn’t ditch Heather. That wouldn’t be fair to her. I should at least meet back with her first; then I could tell her I was sick and ask her to drive me home. I wrote back: � � No, I can make it home. I’ll meet you there. � � I shuffled through the rows of bookshelves, lowering my head to conceal my puffy eyes. I sent a text message to Heather explaining I was sick and asking her to meet me by the parking garage. The sun lowered in the sky while Heather drove toward my house. I apologized multiple times for cutting the trip short and made sure she knew I appreciated her help in picking out my clothes for the dance. I didn’t want to take my unruly emotions out on her anymore. It wasn’t her fault I was completely mental. �śYou look like you’re gonna pass out or something,” she said as we pulled into my neighborhood. �śShould we call your mom?” �śNo!” I blurted. The last thing I wanted was to involve my mother. My unexpected outcry took both of us by surprise. She looked at me wide-eyed. My gaze sunk back to my feet, the energy gone again. �śI’ll be fine. It’s probably just something I ate.” Concern riddled her face. �śAre you sure? You’re almost turning green.” I tried to straighten in my chair. �śI’ll just lie down for a bit, it’s not a big deal.” I tried to convince myself too. Up until this point I was sure my aching was purely emotional, but now an uncomfortable pressure tossed in my stomach and my entire body felt weak. As we neared my house I peered out the window at the empty curb. It took a moment to register, but as I pulled my bags from the back seat of Heather’s car it suddenly sunk in. Wasn’t my car parked at that same curb earlier today? �śI’ll see you at school,” I said, distracted. Heather waved and drove away. I wandered down the mild slope of the driveway towards the street. The hollow feeling�"that I was becoming all too familiar with�"was spreading through my head. I stood motionless at the edge of the street staring at the empty curb where my car should’ve been. I thought I should do something, react in some way, but I couldn’t move. My shopping bags slipped through my limp fingers to the street. I didn’t have the energy to retrieve them. Fresh tears sprouted in my eyes and the only movement I made was to blink. Then a soft touch on my shoulder broke the hopeless trance. I turned around slowly not capable or willing to react any faster. Was it just me or did his crystal eyes glow more vibrant than ever before? � Rayne! I thought, delirious. But the words didn’t pass through my feeble lips. His face faded like a dream. Tiny sparkles of red and silver danced in front of me around his head. My limbs lost their strength and crumpled beneath me. For a moment I couldn’t remember where I was, but Rayne’s face was enough to calm my disorientation. One of his hands cupped the back of my head as I glanced upwards from my place on the ground. The smoothness of his skin was almost enchanting; it was practically perfect, more beautiful than I’d ever seen it before. It was too hard to resist. I reached my shaky hand to touch his cheek. �śWhat happened?” I asked. �śYou�Śpassed out�Ś” His tone was upset and almost confused. �śI treated you with Healing Water so you should be fine, at least for now, but I�Ś” He stopped, deep in contemplation, staring intently in my eyes. He didn’t seem to be looking at me exactly; it was more like he was examining my actual eyes, searching through them for something. For the first time, his usual confidence was replaced with something else. I tried to judge what it was by the look on his face. It was insecure and almost�Śvulnerable. My strength renewed and I sat up on the sidewalk. The dark cloud of emotion felt like it had faded. What had lifted it? Was it pure coincidence like I’d tried to convince myself in the past? I didn’t think I could believe that anymore. Maybe it was simply Rayne’s presence that removed the pain. I knew he didn’t love me, but that didn’t change the comfort I felt at his return. Or was it the power of the Healing Water? Did it also heal emotional wounds? Rayne sat next to me on the curb, surrounded by dark autumn sky. The light from his eyes glowed wildly, more than ever before, like brilliant green flames. I had trouble keeping my eyes off him. I turned to look every few seconds, convincing myself he was really here. Again I had the same feelings of connection with him. The world was right again, melting my troubles away. He appeared distracted for several moments. I sat quietly until he finally spoke. �śGive me your arm,” he said. His abruptness caught me off guard. I looked at him oddly and lifted my arm closest to him. �śSorry, I meant the left,” he said, holding his hand out towards mine from across his chest. I switched arms, still not sure what his interest was in it. He moved towards me and held my forearm in his hands. He pulled at my sleeve inching it slightly up my arm. I felt myself grinning again as his fingers brushed my skin in the moonlight. I wanted so badly to keep my cool around him, to do as he cautioned and not get my hopes up, but it was useless. I was his�"whether he wanted me or not. When he unbuckled my watch strap it occurred to me what he was interested in�"my birthmark. Maybe I was finally getting the chance to ask what he knew about it. His eyes were fixed on my wrist. �śThat’s so strange,” he wondered aloud. �śWhat is?” I asked. He didn’t really answer me, just continued to wonder to himself out loud. His eyes squinted. �śHow is that possible?” He examined the mark from several angles, pulling his face close to get a better look. The mark still looked dark. It was hard to tell exactly how dark it was with only the yellow street lights in the distance, but it seemed like it might be completely black again. He looked concerned. I thought maybe I should be too. Was that not normal? My birthmark was always dark before my accident, so to me the black seemed perfectly normal. It didn’t seem like it was to Rayne though, judging by the perplexed look in his eyes. �śWhat is it?” I asked again. He didn’t even acknowledge that I’d spoken. He jumped to his feet, hand extended to help me off the ground. �śCome on,” he said. He pulled me upward and gathered my shopping bags. My chance for more answers vanished behind me. I continued to cling to his hand after securely on my feet; I didn’t want to ever let go. Despite my sudden improvement in health and mood, I still longed to keep Rayne as near to me as possible. I hurried next to him. �śWhere are we going?” He stopped in the street and gave me a strange look. �śTo my house,” he said. �śWe need to talk in private.” My legs froze. The goofy grin on my face probably gave away my excitement but I didn’t care. He was taking me to his house. I would know where he lived. I glanced eagerly down the street and back again as we walked. I wasn’t sure what his car looked like, but there weren’t any parked close by I didn’t recognize. This suddenly reminded me of my own car. I didn’t know where mine was. �śWhere’s my car?” I wondered aloud. We were across the street now and I pulled his hand backwards as I searched the dark neighborhood. �śIt’s okay. I know where it is.” His strong grip pulled me to his side again. If I wanted to get away from him�"which of course I didn’t�"it would’ve been impossible to pull myself free from his impressive strength. �śYou do?” I asked. I could’ve sworn he looked embarrassed, sheepish even. �śIt was supposed to be a surprise,” he said, scratching his head. �śYour car’s at the shop. I was having them put new tires on when I�Ś” he paused as if thinking through his words, �ś�Śwhen we talked while you were at the mall. I was planning to have it back here before you got home but I had to leave it to come get you.” I was so overcome by his sentiment I lost control. I leapt forward and smothered him with a hug. �śYou fixed my tire?” I said in surprise. Awkward heat filled my cheeks and I let go of his neck. I had to find a way to stop throwing myself at him so blatantly all the time. �śUh, thanks,” I said, embarrassed. His gorgeous smile�"although probably mocking my idiocy�"was his only reply. I looked at the ground, unable to bear the silence. �śSo�Śwhich car is yours? Should we go now?” He probably wanted to change his mind about taking me anywhere. �śWhat I’m going to say may come as a surprise,” he said with some hesitance. �śBut you’re probably getting used to that by now, coming from me at least.” I recognized his hesitant tone, causing me to become both intrigued and wary at the same time. �śYou could say that,” I said with a hint of sarcasm. What brick was he going to hit me with this time? Was he going to tell me he didn’t need a car because he could fly? I wouldn’t put it past him at this point. �śAre you feeling up to a little more of the truth tonight?” he asked. I never knew what to anticipate from him so it was hard to predict my reaction. But I was almost coming to expect unbelievable things from him at this point; magical liquid, top secret missions, super high-tech copies of my diary. What else could he possibly reveal to me now that would top that? �śI think I can handle it,” I said, filling my voice with fake confidence. He came up behind me and twisted my shoulders, spinning my body away from the street. �śThis is my house�Ś” I stared through the rods of the familiar, black gate, unable to speak. What was he saying? He was my neighbor? He lived in the house directly across from mine? �śBut�Ś” was all I could push through my tight throat. I peered through the fence, past the dreary yard with thick bushes and trees, at the quaint, white door. He lived here? My first instinct was to feel exhilarated at the thought of him so close. Secretly near me all this time. Then reality sunk in. He lived right across the street from me. I felt strangely betrayed. I remembered all the times I’d wanted to go look for him, longing to find him without a clue where to look. All along he was right in front of me, just steps away, practically within arm’s reach, but he left me wondering in the dark. A slight gasp escaped my lips. Of course. It made sense. This was how he kept an eye on me so closely. He had to watch his assignment at all times, to ensure he fulfilled his mission. I examined the tiny camera on the stone pillar by the gate and flashed back to the night before my accident. I came out here. I stood right in this spot and tried to call from the intercom, without even knowing it was him on the other end. It was like his presence had called to me, like I felt him hiding behind the white door. My voice cracked in earnest. �śFor how long?” His answer was quiet in my ear. �śA while�Ś” I turned to face him, eyes fierce and legs trembling, as heat swelled through my core with conflicting emotions. �śHow long?” I repeated. � He clutched my arm and all at once was pulling me towards the gate. �śWe shouldn’t talk about this here,” he said urgently. He punched some numbers discreetly on the intercom and hurried me up the stone path. I barely had time to survey the yard but felt an odd thrill knowing it was his, not some unknown stranger like I’d imagined. Or someone worse, someone like the scary man I’d once seen outside the gates of this very house. The memory of the man’s black, veiny eyes played back through my mind as we rushed to the door. The man said he was visiting a friend. That friend couldn’t possibly have been Rayne�"could it? We stumbled through a dim entryway past a coat rack and a pair of men’s shoes on the floor. Rayne dropped my arm and hastily flipped on lights around a large room at the center of the house. The house was fully furnished but the furniture didn’t fit with Rayne. It was old fashioned and looked more like something my grandma would’ve liked. I glanced around the room, taking it in. More questions hung at the edge of my tongue but Rayne walked away before I could speak. �śI just need to check something in my room. Don’t move. I’ll be right back,” he said. I watched after him. It seemed like he was heading for the front door, but opened another door just to the side of it. When we came in I assumed it was a coat closet. It seemed like a strange location for a bedroom, but it didn’t matter where it was. It was Rayne’s bedroom. I wanted to follow after him, just for a glimpse, like maybe there would be some clues hidden there that would unlock his mysteries to me. Despite my interest, I refrained. If he wanted me in there, he would have invited me. Instead I examined the large, main room more thoroughly. There was a smaller room attached between this one and the entry, sort of like a den or sitting room; only it didn’t contain any seats. When I saw the room’s out-of-place contents, I was immediately intrigued. The wooden floor and stone fireplace were completely surrounded by surf boards. They were everywhere, all different sizes and colors. Some hung sideways in decorative racks and others were propped upright against the wall from the floor. The entire room was covered in them. I forgot all my questions for a moment, entranced by the little piece of Rayne’s puzzle I’d found. Rayne’s voice called from the hallway. �śSadie?” �śIn here,” I replied. I looked closely at one of the longest boards leaning in the far corner of the room. It looked old and used with small cracks in the finish. There were several boards around the room that seemed just as worn. I found this discovery very appealing. I didn’t know it was possible to find Rayne more attractive than I already did, but apparently it was. Rayne’s footsteps grew louder behind me. �śYou didn’t tell me that you surf,” I said, turning in admiration. He walked up beside me and smirked. �śYou didn’t ask.” I looked at him in disbelief and shoved his arm. �śVery funny.” There was that fun-loving side of him again, that he seemed to suppress so often. I liked that part of him; it helped me feel at ease. Although, right now I didn’t want to feel at ease, I wanted to be mad. Mad at him for living in this house and not telling me, for disappearing, for making me need him without even trying, for being so wonderful and so infuriating at the same time, but I just couldn’t. It was like I was under a spell. Instead I felt closer to him. Finally I knew something about him, and I knew where he lived now too. I felt oddly relieved. I watched him as he ran a hand along the cracks in the tall board. He looked at it like an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while. �śI catch some waves when I can,” he said. �śI guess you’ve been kind of busy lately, right?” He smiled, �śYou could say that.” Now that I had him alone in the house, the questions stacked in the back of my mind resurfaced. I couldn’t suppress the sullen look on my face. �śI saw a man outside your house the other day, before my accident. He drove a really nice car and had these crazy, black eyes�Ś” Something wild stirred in Rayne’s eyes. �śYou saw him?” �śYeah, I, uh�ŚI talked to him actually.” �śHe talked to you?” Rayne’s fury mixed with concern. �śHe didn’t hurt you did he?” I pictured the sunken, sinister eyes, sending a chill through my body. �śNot really,” I said hiding my fear. �śMostly he just acted creepy. I guess he did kind of grab me though, my arm, to look at my wrist.” I held up my wrist reflexively as I mentioned it. All the muscles in Rayne’s body tensed at once. �śThat explains a lot,” he muttered under his breath. He looked at me gravely. �śIf you ever see that man again, I want you to run. Get away from him as fast as you can. Do you understand?” My mouth gaped open. �śYeah, I understand, but�Śwhy? Who is he?” Rayne’s jaw tightened. �śHe’s a criminal and a dangerous man. He’s someone I don’t want anywhere near you.” �śA criminal?” I asked in alarm. �śWhat kind of criminal?” �śThe kind that thinks of people as playthings for his target practice; the kind that doesn’t hesitate to slit a man’s throat to get what he wants.” My voice faltered as I tried to push out the words. �śWhat was someone like that doing at your house?” Rayne looked frustrated. �śI didn’t know he was here. I found out about it later. I was with an old buddy of mine at the time; someone I thought I could trust.” He shook his head. �śI shouldn’t have let myself get distracted.” Concern leaked from my voice. �śDo you think�Śhe’ll come back?” �śYou don’t need to worry,” Rayne said. �śHe’s just playing petty games, trying to blackmail some of the people I work for and forcing me to be the middleman. I’ve already told him; they’re not going to give him what he wants.” �śSo that’s where you were then?” I said. �śThat was the message you were supposed to deliver? But I thought you said it wasn’t dangerous, and you said it had something to do with me�Ś” He opened his mouth to speak then stopped, his glare shifting away. �śLook, I can’t really discuss this with you. All you need to know is that I have everything under control.” I stared at him, shocked by his coarse tone. �śUh, okay,” I said awkwardly. I rubbed my arm and looked at the floor. He seemed so angry; I didn’t like it. I took one more gaping look at the strain on his face and changed the subject. �śSo, wasn’t there something you wanted to tell me earlier? You said we needed to wait to talk in the house�Ś” The lines in his face softened. �śOh, right. Here, come sit down and we’ll talk.” He led me to a couch in the middle of the center room. It opened to a big kitchen on the right, a hallway to what I guessed were more bedrooms on the left, and a dining table straight back, sitting along a wall of tall windows and French doors. It felt quaint and airy; nothing like the dark exterior of the front yard. My nerves edged from the lingering tension in the room. I looked at him with a hesitant smile and went back to staring at my hands in my lap. I wished his arm would wrap around my shoulder. I wanted to curl up next to him, releasing all uncertainty, but I couldn’t. I knew he didn’t want me to. He relaxed and his calm, confident voice returned. �śI know I haven’t been upfront with you about a lot of things; thanks for being patient.” �śSure,” I said quietly. I sat and waited. Was he finally going to explain his purpose for being here? He’d shown a few things to me, but not really; I still felt so confused. I tried to go over what little I knew in my head. Rayne was a Keeper. Keepers were supposed to use Healing Water to help people who were sick or hurt, but Rayne was different because he was assigned to only me. I still didn’t know why. He lived here in the house across the street from me, probably so he could keep an eye on me as much as possible. I didn’t know how long he’d been here. I couldn’t recall any signs of someone moving in or out, but with Rayne, I was sure he would’ve been discreet. Then of course there was my diary, but all that really told me was that Rayne knew much more about me than I knew about him�"and that he had access to some pretty amazing technology. That was the extent of what I knew. It didn’t feel like much. Rayne shifted closer to me on the couch. �śHave you ever noticed that your mom seems youthful or energetic for her age?” �śMy mom? Are you kidding, she’s like a human ray of sunshine.” I looked at him confused. �śWhy do you ask? Do you know her?” �śNot personally,” he said. �śBut I know quite a bit about her. She’s sort of part of my assignment too�Ś” �śMy mom?” I said in surprise. �śShe has no idea,” he assured. �śAnd I’d like to keep it that way.” I definitely agreed with him there. �śSadie, I’m not sure the best way to explain this to you, but being exposed to the Healing Water can have certain effects on the body, depending on the dosage of exposure.” �śBesides healing?” I asked, my full attention locked on his beautiful face. �śIf you’re exposed to the water a lot, it can actually slow down the aging process.” New questions developed in my mind but he continued to speak. �śYour mom, for example, has been receiving small doses over a long period of time. Not only does this keep her from getting sick but it restores her body just enough to keep her youthful and full of energy. I tried to decipher what this meant. Who was giving her the water, why were they giving it to her, and how did she not know about it? Were there other Keepers assigned to her before Rayne? � �śMy mom’s been getting doses of the water for a long time?” �śYes. Has your mom ever mentioned that she was really sick the year before you were born?” I felt myself fidget. �śNo, she never mentioned anything like that.” I was a little annoyed. I had no idea what he was talking about. Did my mom tell me anything? How was it that someone I’d barely met knew more about her than I did? �śShe doesn’t like to talk about things that aren’t happy,” I added. His expression grew somber. �śShe was diagnosed with cancer.” I felt my face drop. �śOh�ŚI had no idea.” I felt an instant flood of sympathy for my mother. �śThat must have been horrible.” Cancer? I couldn’t believe she didn’t tell me something as big as that. My stare across the room was broken when I felt him put his hand on mine. �śShe’s completely recovered. You don’t need to worry.” �śRight,” I said shaking my head. �śI just can’t believe she never mentioned it.” � �śThere’s a little more to the story though,” he said. �śWe believe your mother was given an extremely large dose of Healing Water, a lot more than we’re supposed to use, right before she became pregnant with you.” �śIs that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked. �śIt depends on how you look at it,” he said. �śBut there’s a good chance the water affected your development before you were born.” I shook my head. �śWhat does that mean?” �śWell, your circumstances are rare. It’s not entirely clear at this point. That’s why I was assigned to you. We wanted to make sure you didn’t have any side effects or�Ścomplications.” Could this be the reason I’d been so crazy lately? Was there something wrong with me? He made it sound like they thought I was some kind of genetic mutation. And who were they anyway. I started to feel on edge. There was so much I didn’t understand. I hated feeling so vulnerable and confused all the time. My voice strained. �śHave there been other Keepers assigned to us then? Has someone been watching me and my mom since I was a baby? Have there been a lot of you?” He stared intensely in my eyes. �śNo�ŚIt’s just been me.” � � � � � � 18. BONDING� � � � � � That couldn’t make sense, could it? My head shifted to the side, mouth and forehead crinkling. �śIt’s just been you?” I said in disbelief. �śBut you can’t be more than a couple years older than me.” He looked at me patiently, almost like a parent would look at a child learning to walk. �śI’ve been exposed to the water since I was born,” he explained. �śIt might be hard to grasp for someone like you, who’s never been taught any differently, but age and appearance aren’t always as you would expect. I’ve lived a lot longer than I may appear.” I blinked as I gathered my thoughts. Why was it that everything he ever said seemed to make my head spin? My teeth clenched. �śSomeone like me? Poor little, na�Żve Sadie won’t be able to handle the truth, right? You’re so wise and smart and perfect that you know everything and I know nothing?” �śSadie�Ś” he cooed warmly. �śOf course that’s not what I meant. I didn’t say that.” His calm demeanor made me more upset. My lips pursed. �śSo what exactly are you trying to say? You’re really old or something? Why don’t you just spit it out already!” I felt the rudeness of my tone and immediately wanted to take it back. My eyes widened with self-awareness and I buried my face in my hands with an exasperated groan. I wasn’t usually like this. Why was I lashing out at him? The truth�ŚI really was na�Żve. I was stupid and idiotic and ridiculous. Why would he ever want to be with me? I was just a stupid little girl. He moved nearer and stroked a strand of my hair through his fingers. �śI’m sorry I’ve put you through all this. You have a right to be upset. This would be hard for anyone to deal with. You’ve been handling it really well.” I glanced up at him with a half-smile and lowered my eyes again. His gentle touch lifted my chin and he met my gaze. �śI don’t think you’re na�Żve. You’re actually very mature for your age.” �śYou really think so? I can be kind of stupid sometimes. You’re probably just saying that to make me feel better.” His crystal eyes never left mine. �śSadie, how is it possible you can’t see how amazing you are? You’re smart�Śand charming�Śand kind�Ś” His tender voice sung in my ears. �śYou’re the most beautiful person I know.” All the tension melted away. It was impossible to stay upset with Rayne�"especially when he was pouring out exaggerated compliments. I laughed once. �śYou make it sound like I’m perfect or something. Nobody’s perfect.” His voice was no more than a whisper. �śTo me you are�Ś” Something leapt inside me. My brows lifted with hope as a surge of warmth flowed through my body. I couldn’t look away from his eyes, tethered to my heart in unexplainable ways. Suddenly he was gone from my side. �śI’m sorry,” he said, apologetic, but also like he was scolding himself. �śI’m sorry I keep doing this to you.” �śWhat? What are you doing to me?” I could think of a lot of things he was doing to me, I just wasn’t sure which one he was referring to at the moment. �śI keep playing with your emotions when I know better, when I know these feelings aren’t real. I should be able to control myself. It’s not fair to you.” His words jabbed at my insides. He’s playing with me? His feelings aren’t real? I felt the corners of my lips drop. �śWhat are you saying?” He kept his distance, pacing in circles in front of me. �śRemember how I said the water can have other effects on people besides healing?” �śLike the slow aging?” I said. �śRight,” he continued. �śWell, the Healing Water also causes what we call bonding. When the water is administered from one person to another it creates a bond between the two people; like an emotional tie. Sometimes the bond can go even deeper than emotions. It creates sort of a sixth sense.” I looked at him curiously. �śLike ESP or something?” �śSort of, but I’ve heard it compared more often to a mother’s intuition. Only, in this case it’s a Keeper who develops the intuition for someone they’ve treated. It’s not something that happens very often.” �śDo you have that intuition with me?” I asked. �śI never noticed anything for the longest time,” he said. �śBut the night of your accident I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t nearby that night, but I had the strangest feeling something bad was going to happen to you. Then I felt the same thing today when I was getting your car fixed and by the time I reached you, you were ready to pass out.” �śWhoa, that’s really weird,” I said. My forehead wrinkled. �śYou weren’t close by the night of my accident? I assumed you were following us. How else could you have known where to find me, even if you did have a bad feeling?” He sat on the edge of the coffee table and scratched his head. �śOh, I�Ś” He seemed surprised by my question. �śWell�ŚI sort of put a tracking device in your wallet.” He glanced at me through his guilt. I already knew he’d been spying on me. I didn’t know why he’d think something like this would surprise me. �śOh,” I said. �śI can’t believe I didn’t think of that.” He smiled. �śYou’re way too easy on me.” �śIt must be because of that emotional bond we share,” I hinted. He stiffened and started to pace the room again. �śOnly the most disciplined and strong willed are chosen to be Keepers. We must be able to treat people with the water and not allow ourselves to become personally involved. The water can actually create strong feelings between people. Think about it, Sadie. Think about any feelings you might be having about me.” My mouth dropped. �śSo you’re saying�Śany emotional bond we feel for each other,” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. �śIs just�Ś” He finished my sentence. �śIt’s just the water.” He looked almost as disappointed as I felt. Was it possible my feelings for him weren’t mine at all? They were some illusion created beyond my control? �śHow do you guys do it then?” I asked. �śHow can a Keeper go from person to person and feel these strong connections to them and move on, over and over again? That sounds like torture.” He sat on the arm of a chair a few feet away. �śIt’s not actually that bad for most. The typical amount of water used is so small that the effect is mild. But the Healing Water is a powerful substance; it’s not something to be trifled with or used carelessly. When large amounts are given to the same person all at once, like I did with you�Ś” His voice caught tightly in his throat. It was so clear now that I felt myself finishing his unspoken words. �ś�Śthen it’s like they become a part of you, like you can’t live without them�Ś” My voice trailed across the room. �śLike you can’t breathe unless they’re breathing right next to you�Ś” He groaned and knelt by my side, as if begging my forgiveness. �śThis is my fault. I did this to you�"to both of us. I was acting out of impulse and fear. It’s just�Ś” Lines bore deep into his face as he shuttered. �śWhen I saw your lifeless body on that stretcher, on the verge of death�"I forgot all reason. I couldn’t take it.” I looked deep into his troubled eyes. He felt he had seriously wronged me, that he’d acted out of weakness. But there wasn’t an ounce of blame in my heart for his actions, there was only�"empathy. I could feel his pain; I understood it. I imagined myself in the hospital staring down at him on a stretcher, just inches from death, and I knew I would have done the same. He looked at me soberly. �śDo you think you could ever forgive me?” I wasn’t even sure it was physically possible to be mad at him, but it was difficult to imagine having any negative feelings towards him�"whether those feelings were truly mine or not. To not forgive him would be like taking a knife to my own heart. I gazed at him and ran my hand through his hair. �śOf course I forgive you. If the tables were turned, I would’ve done the same thing. I don’t blame you.” His shimmering eyes smiled, but still looked burdened. �śThank you,” he said quietly. He got up from his crouch and sat next to me on the sofa. I rested my head on his shoulder and we sat in pensive silence for several moments. Was it really possible these feelings that radiated through every inch of my body were not my own? So many different desires collided within me. I wanted to make him feel better, to take care of him and comfort him. At the same time, I wanted him to take care of me, to protect me from my fears and insecurities and the unknown. I felt nervous, excited, and scared all at once�"not to mention thoroughly confused. But more than anything else, I wanted to feel my lips pressing against his. I’d never felt that with anyone before. But I couldn’t act upon that desire; not when it was all a forced illusion. The feelings were so real and strong, it was hard to accept they were just the product of a Healing Water overdose. The thought of that alone was enough to boggle my mind into twisted knots. It was too much to think about, too overwhelming. I couldn’t handle it. I pushed the heavy thoughts to the back of my mind. I raised my head, attempting to lift the mood. �śIf I were a Keeper, every patient in the hospital would be drowning in Healing Water right now.” He laughed once, �śAnd probably half the city too.” �śHey!” I said playfully. �śI think I have a little more self-control than that.” He winked. �śMaybe a little.” �śGood thing my mom doesn’t know about the water,” I joked. �śShe’d be even worse than me. There wouldn’t be a sick person left on the entire planet by now.” We laughed. The image of my mom with the Healing Water made me stop and stiffen. �śWait,” I said. �śWere you the one who gave my mom the water when she was sick? Do you have strong feelings for my mother like you do with me?” I tried to keep my tone light but in my mind all I could think was, please say no, please say no�Ś �śNo,” he chuckled. �śNo, that wasn’t me. But I’ve been giving her small, diluted doses for several years now. I care about your mom a lot, almost as I would a sister.” �śReally?” I said relieved. It was still just me and him then. Gratification tickled my thoughts. That would’ve been way too weird. �śI’ve been on this assignment since you were seven years old,” he said. �śWatching over both of you has been the purpose of my life for the last ten years. I’ve tried to keep my emotions distanced but after so much time and devotion, how could I not have feelings?” �śIt makes sense,” I said. �śThat must have been hard for you.” He looked away. �śIt still is.” �śSounds kind of boring if you ask me,” I said in a failed attempt at humor. �śWhy do you say that?” �śI doubt me and my mom are all that interesting.” He grinned. �śYou’d be surprised.” � �śSo what other stuff do you like to do?” I asked. �śYou know, besides observing our thrilling lives of school and work every day.” �śI guess, I try to stay outdoors,” he said, �śbiking, hiking, that kind of thing, but mostly surfing. The ocean’s just so�Śimmense. Riding a wave’s like, I don’t know, like being a part of something bigger than myself, like I can feel the beauty and power surrounding me, swirling around my feet, pushing me forward.” He broke from his reflection. �śSorry, that probably sounded really lame.” �śNo, not at all,” I said. It was nice to hear him talk about himself for once. He laughed at himself. �śI’m not usually this sappy.” �śI like it when you’re sappy.” My tone turned to teasing. �śYou try to act all tough and cool with your secrets and missions, but I know the truth. Deep down you’re just a big softy.” He grinned and nudged me with his elbow. �śOnly when I’m with you.” His nudge made me jump but I quickly pulled myself back, wrapping my hand around his arm. Setting all romantic feelings aside, I knew more than anything I’d found a wonderful friend. He placed a hand on mine and I knew he felt the same. � �śI still can’t believe you’ve been here since I was seven,” I mused. �śHave you lived in this house the whole time?” � �śYep, I have. There was this nice older woman living here alone and I just went up to the door and offered to buy her house, furniture and all. She probably thought I was crazy, but I offered such a large amount she couldn’t turn me down.” �śAre you serious?” �śVery,” he said, amused. I played with a string hanging off my shirt. �śDid you ever�Ś” I shook my head. �śNever mind.” �śWhat? Tell me.” I hesitated, but his smile convinced me. �śDid you ever want to talk to me, before that night on the beach?” He grinned and leaned over his lap, pausing. I held my breath, waiting for his reply. He continued to lean down but turned his face up towards me. �śAll the time.” I exhaled with relief. �śI did actually talk to you once,” he added. �śNo way, I think I would’ve remembered that.” He sat up. �śNo really. It was right after I bought this house. You were only seven.” �śYou talked to me when I was a kid?” He chuckled. �śYeah, you were so cute. You told me you didn’t like my name because rain is wet and cold.” I was a little embarrassed. �śI did? I can’t remember.” �śYou even gave me a nickname,” he said, laughing again. �śDiamond-eyes.” Suddenly the memory clicked in my head. �śThat was you? My mom convinced me I made you up. She thought you were my imaginary friend. I asked her about you for months.” �śYep. That was me.” �śI can’t believe you’ve been right across the street almost my entire life, and I had no idea.” I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. �śYou must really be old.” He folded his arms over his chest and grinned. �śMaybe�"maybe not.” �śSeriously, you have to tell me; the suspense is killing me.” It really didn’t matter how old he was. He could say he was fifty for all I cared. It was too late for it to matter at this point. I was already in love with him�"or at least bonded to him against my will. Either way, there was probably nothing he could do or say that would change how I felt about him. He shifted a leg on the couch with a smirk. �śI’m nineteen.” He had to be joking. �śCome on,” I said. �śThat would make you, like,” I stopped to do the math in my head. �śThat would make you nine years old when you first became my Keeper.” �śI told you,” he smiled. �śAge and appearance aren’t always the same; at least in my world they’re not.” I folded my arms and eyed him. This felt a lot like when the guys at school purposely told me outlandish lies, just to see how gullible I was. I gave Rayne a disbelieving look. �śI’m serious. Look at me,” he said holding up an arm to flex his muscle. I tried to control myself but my eyes wanted to bulge out of their sockets. He continued with a laugh. �śI’m youthful, strong, and full of energy. My age is nineteen. But that doesn’t mean I’ve lived nineteen years in order to reach my age.” �śOkay, now you’re just talking in riddles,” I smirked, still trying to calm myself from admiring his arm. �śBut fine, I’ll play your little game. How many years have you lived in order to reach age nineteen?” I looked at him smugly. He clenched his teeth and mumbled something incoherent. �śWhat was that now? Come again,” I teased. �śI said,” his voice hushed almost to a whisper. �śI’ve lived thirty-two years.” He looked to me hesitantly for my reaction. Huh. Thirty-two. I was half expecting him to say he was in his nineties. Thirty didn’t seem so bad. If it were anyone else�"some normal person that actually looked his age�"I probably would’ve found it creepy; but with Rayne it was different. I kept my face calm. I didn’t want him to see any sign of shock or doubt in my expression. �śWow, thirty-two; pretty crazy,” I said casually. �śBut you should be used to crazy by now, seeing how you’re practically a senior citizen. You’re lucky you can remember your own name.” �śOkay, very funny,” he said. �śBut, I thought this would concern you. Doesn’t it bother you that I’ve been around so long?” I kept my cool. �śNo�Śyou’re nineteen, right? I’ve hung out with guys your age before. I think I can handle it.” I smirked at him and paused. �śAlthough, to be honest, it still doesn’t really make sense to me.” �śWhich part?” he asked. �śWell I was just thinking, if you’ve lived so long, how do you even know how old you really are? I mean, why nineteen exactly? Wouldn’t you just be sort of guessing your age your whole life?” �śNo,” he said. �śThere’s a simple blood test you can do. It’s usually a requirement of the job as a Keeper to have a physical done every year and they always do an age test, but because of the unusual nature of my assignment I’ve only had to be tested every few years. I don’t go back as often as the others.” I nodded. �śSo when was the last time you were tested? How long ago did they tell you that you were nineteen?” �śActually, I have a small device of my own that will give me a reading just by taking a finger prick of blood, so that’s how I keep track. I’ve been nineteen for about six months now, but I’m not sure how much longer that will last.” �śWhy is that?” I asked concerned. �śDon’t you guys age really slowly?” He shifted on the couch. �śA normal Keeper takes about three years to advance another year physically, but nineteen came a year sooner than I expected this time. I guess because I’m away from the source of the Healing Water so much more than the others.” I squinted, trying to understand. �śYou’re aging faster because you have to stay here on this assignment so long?” He nodded. �śThat’s what it’s looking like, yeah.” I suddenly felt awful. Rayne was actually shortening his own life to be here with me. I stared at my hands not sure what to say. I felt his arm nudge me from the side. �śHey,” he said lightly, �śit’s not a big deal. That’s just one year out of probably hundreds. I think I can spare a few.” My eyes went wide. �śYou’re going to live for hundreds of years?” �śMost likely,” he said smiling. I gasped. �śWhoa.” �śSo you really don’t mind hanging out with a decrepit, old senior citizen like me?” he asked. I chuckled. �śNope. Not even a little.” �śWait, who am I, again?” he joked. �śI think I forgot.” I opened my mouth to come back with a smart comment but all that came out was laughter. It felt good to laugh and to have Rayne smiling next to me; and it felt good to know the truth of why he was here. We sat for a while, just being together. I wasn’t sure how long. I lost track of time because it didn’t seem to matter. All I knew was I felt happy near Rayne. The fact that the Healing Water played a part in that was frustrating, but it didn’t change the feelings inside me. I started wondering what was going to happen after all this. Now that I knew about our bond, would that change anything? �śSo what do we do now?” I asked, breaking the quiet. He looked at me. �śWhat do you mean?” �śI mean, even though the water might be causing us to feel bonded, that doesn’t change the fact that the emotions seem real. I don’t know how to separate these feelings from reality.” His tone was all business. �śI know this is frustrating. I’ve been trying to decide the best course of action, but I don’t know yet. For now the fact remains, I have a duty to protect you and I plan to fulfill that duty to the best of my abilities.” �śWell, then you have to stay with me as much as possible,” I said, trying to hide the pleading in my eyes. My palms were swelling with heat. �śI don’t like it when you’re gone. Our bond must be really strong because sometimes�Ś” I looked away nervously. �śSometimes I feel like I can’t live without you.” He didn’t even flinch. �śI realize it’s easier for me because I’m trained to suppress the emotions, but you have to try.” �śIt’s too hard,” I said. �śI’m not like you. I’m not strong enough to do that.” �śIt’s hard for me too, Sadie. My feelings for you are just as strong as yours. I would do anything to keep you safe. I would move mountains, cross oceans, if it meant protecting you. I would give my own life if I had to�"” �śThen why are we fighting it? We can’t go back and change the past. We already have this bond between us.” His fingers curled into fists. �śBecause we can’t be together. I’ve sworn an oath and I can’t break anymore rules. I won’t be able to live with myself. There has to be some way you can be happy without me. It’s the only way.” I felt so helpless I wanted to cry. �śIt’s not fair. Your rules aren’t fair.” �śYou’re right. It’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t be suffering for my mistakes and I’ll keep looking for a solution, but in the meantime,” he sighed, �śI’ll stay with you as much as you need. I don’t want you to feel unhappy.” I leaned over and hugged his arm. Perhaps if I held on tight enough he wouldn’t be able to escape. Why did everything have to be so complicated? It was difficult to imagine a solution to this impossible dilemma, but for the moment I felt somewhat comforted. It was an insecure comfort�"not knowing how long it might last�"but I would try to enjoy it while I could. �śI have something I want to give you,” he said. I looked at him with childlike anticipation. �śWhat is it?” He reached behind his neck and revealed a chain that was hidden under his shirt. �śHere. I want you to have this.” He pulled the chain over his head and held it out to me. I grinned, awestruck. A beautiful diamond-like pendant dangled from a silver chain through his outstretched fingers. I was speechlessly bedazzled by his generous gift. �śIt’s very special. Do you think you can keep it safe for me?” he asked. I nodded, still trying to find my voice. He placed the tear-shaped crystal in my palm. I admired it as the light danced off the facets like a prism. Tiny beams of purple and blue shimmered as I moved it back and forth with care. �śIt’s beautiful,” I finally said. �śThis isn’t an ordinary crystal,” he said. �śIf you tilt it just right, you should be able to see the liquid in the center. It’s Healing Water.” �śThere’s Healing Water right inside the crystal?” �śYes. It’s a natural anomaly. It’s called a Water Briolette. They form at the source of the Healing Water, but they’re rare.” �śWow, that’s amazing” I said as I tilted the small stone back and forth in my fingertips. Where did you say they come from again?” �śLike I said, they only form at the source of the Healing Water, but I can’t tell you where that is. It’s the most vital point in the Keeper code, our most critical duty, to protect the source. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I divulged that to anyone�"even you.” I was so stupid. I should’ve figured that out. �śOf course,” I said. �śSorry. I wasn’t thinking.” His face was warm. �śDon’t worry about it; how could you have known.” I felt suddenly unworthy. �śI don’t know if I can accept this,” I said. �śIt’s too special. What if I lose it? Or break it�Ś” He put his hand over mine, curling it tightly over the pendant. �śIt’s not going to break. These crystals are stronger than diamonds, and the chain is platinum. It’s really durable.” �śAre you sure you want me to have it?” There was no doubt in his tone. �śI’m sure.” Then he smirked. �śOn one condition.” I hesitated, not sure what to say. �śYou have to promise me you’ll always wear it, that you won’t ever take it off.” I looked at him with serious eyes. �śI promise.” His face grew wide with a grin. �śUnless of course there really would be a chance you could lose it. I mean, I would probably take it off if you’re planning to take a swim in the ocean or something.” He was teasing me again and his smile was utterly charming. �śRight,” I said sheepishly. He slid the chain over my head, the brush of his fingertip sending a shiver up my neck. He sat back and examined it. �śI have to say, it looks much better on you than it ever did on me.” I giggled at his flattery, my fingers twisting through a strand of my hair. Who was this girl? Yes, I’d always enjoyed a good flirt, but was I a giggler now too? Rayne appeared to have strong effects on me. I couldn’t control myself. I gained my composure and stroked the crystal carefully as it hung down my chest. �śThank you. I love it.” He glanced at his watch. �śIt’s getting late. Have you even eaten dinner? You must be starving.” �śNo, I’m okay. I ate something at the mall with Heather.” I was actually getting hungry but I wasn’t about to let food get in the way of my time with Rayne. �śAre you going back to school tomorrow? Maybe I should walk you home,” he said. I’d completely forgotten about school. It was amazing how I could forget my real life after just a short time with Rayne. �śOh right, school,” I said. �śYeah, I’m going back tomorrow.” The day seemed so long. It was hard to believe I’d left the hospital just this morning. I suddenly remembered back through my day, my shopping trip with Heather and all our plans for the dance on Saturday. �śOh,” I said, remembering. �śI have something for you too.” I rummaged through my shopping bags and pulled out the blue shirt we’d picked out for Rayne earlier that day. �śIt’s not exactly a crystal necklace�Ś” I held the shirt up in his direction. He looked at me with dry surprise. �śYou bought me a shirt?” �śIt’s for the dance,” I explained. �śIt’s tradition to wear matching clothes with your date.” I handed it to him and pulled my own blue shirt out of the bag. �śSee, I have one too.” He laughed once. �śOkay, thanks.” �śI know; it probably seems silly to you. Even boys my age have to be forced to do it. But it’s tradition, and it’s important to Heather. She’s my best friend by the way. You’ll meet her on Saturday.” One side of his mouth curled upwards. �śI know who Heather is.” I stopped and stared at him. �śOh right. Ten years�ŚI forgot.” I opened another bag. �śAnyway, do you have a white t-shirt you could wear underneath and a dark blue pair of jeans, sort of like these. �ś I held up my new jeans, picked out just for me, courtesy of my best friend. �śAnd black shoes,” I added. He looked amused. �śI think I can pull that together.” I wasn’t sure if he was just really agreeable or if he was secretly laughing at me. �śOkay, great,” I said, not sure if I should be embarrassed. �śDo you want to try it on? You know, just to make sure it fits.” �śSure,” he said. He stood up in a swift movement. For some reason I expected him to leave the room, but before I could blink his shirt was off. I felt my lips curl together nervously. I tried to look away and hide my blushing face. It was common to see men with their shirts off, especially at the beach, but we were alone in his house. I’d never even kissed a boy, let alone seen one undress right before my eyes. I looked up cautiously to check if his clothes were on. �śHow does it look?” he said cheerfully, as if completely oblivious to my embarrassment. My voice cracked. �śLooks�Śgood.” He looked more than good. The shirt hugged his physique perfectly. I was excited for Saturday when I could stare at him wearing it all night long. �śGood,” he echoed. He extended his hand. �śShall we then?” �śUh, okay.” I was hesitant�"but only because I didn’t want to go home yet. He gathered my bags in one hand and used the other to lead me out the front door. As we crossed the street through the dark neighborhood the empty curb in front of my house reminded me once again of my absent car. �śI need to remember to call Heather,” I said. �śTo ask her for a ride to school tomorrow.” �śI have a better idea,” he said casually. �śWhy don’t I give you a ride?” I liked that idea much better. A huge grin stretched across my face. �śSure. Sounds good.” We made our way up to my house. �śShould I come pick you up over here then?” he asked. I glanced at the front door and thought of my mother. �śUm, why don’t I meet you at your place? If my mom gets a hold of you, she’ll probably get too excited to let me go to school.” �śOkay,” he chuckled. �śIt’s a date.” Once I was inside the house, I couldn’t help but peek through the window blinds to watch him walk away. I watched until his figure disappeared through the white door of his house. I didn’t stay up long. Every moment awake was one more moment aware of his absence. I got ready for bed quickly�"aside from the full five minutes I took to admire my crystal necklace in the mirror. Then I laid the necklace gently on my grandmother’s vanity, next to the orange daisy Rayne gave me at the hospital. I was afraid if I wore the necklace to bed, I might roll over and crush it in my sleep somehow. I held the flower to my nose one last time to smell the petals before turning off the bedroom light. As soon as my head hit the pillow, a tiny purple light glowed through the dark room. It was my diary. I hopped out of bed like a child on her birthday and opened the book. My eyes lit up as I read Rayne’s message: � � SWEET DREAMS�Ś � � � � � � 19. FAMILY TIES� � � � � � Concerns hovered in the back of my mind as I lay in bed, but I was too tired and overwhelmed to think about them anymore. It was the first night back in my own bed since the hospital and it was nice to be home again. I also felt a sense of security knowing Rayne was close by. He was right across the street, and I would see him again first thing in the morning. I hugged the diary to my chest for a few minutes, imagining Rayne whispering in my ear�"Sweet Dreams. The next thing I knew it was morning. Memories dangled in my mind of romantic interludes conjured through the night; hopeful visions in my subconscious of Rayne and the two of us together without complication. Reality wasn’t so simple. But I did have a car ride to school to look forward to and a dance on Saturday. I tried to focus on the positive. I felt a renewed sense of energy for the day. It was nice to return to my normal morning routine, which helped me come back to reality. Instead of my watch, I clumped a large selection of bracelets on my left wrist to cover my birthmark. It still looked dark today, but I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. I was ready for school fifteen minutes early but my mom was still up and about before me, as usual. At least now�"thanks to Rayne�"I knew why she was so energetic. I started to see her in a whole new light. It was like I never really knew who she was until now. As I came down the hallway from my room I tucked my new necklace under my shirt. If my mom were to see it she would have questions for sure. Questions I wasn’t ready to answer. I sat in the kitchen while she moved around busily with breakfast. I couldn’t help but observe her every move with affection. I didn’t even greet her when I walked in; too busy admiring her and how she bounced happily about the room. She must’ve noticed my gaze. �śHoney, is everything all right?” �śWhat?” I shook my head. �śOh. Yeah, I’m good.” �śFor a minute it seemed like you were acting kind of funny.” �śI’m just really glad to be home,” I said. �śMe too, sweetheart. Doesn’t this just feel like it’s going to be a wonderful day? I think I’ll go for a bike ride down at Huntington Beach while you’re at school.” �śYou totally should, Mom. That sounds nice; I’m jealous.” �śWell, why don’t I wait for you then? It is girl’s night tonight, remember?” I’d forgotten actually. Hard to believe a tradition we’d had for years would suddenly slip my mind this week. �śOf course I remember,” I said. �śFinally we’ll get to spend some time together. It feels like it’s been forever.” She started pouring pancake batter onto the griddle. �śShould we start the afternoon off with a bike ride then?” �śSure. It’ll be nice to get outside.” I noticed the shapes she was creating on the griddle. �śHey, are those birthday bears?” I asked. She was pouring batter into little teddy bear shapes, something we usually reserved for breakfast in bed on special occasions. The tradition started when I was young, but neither of us were willing to grow out of it. �śThose are supposed to be for birthdays, Mom.” She smiled her contagiously charming smile. �śWell, I declare today a special occasion.” I shrugged. �śNo complaints here.” She handed me a plate of pancake bears. My mom knew how to make every day feel special. As if, even though the world could be hard and confusing, it was all going to be okay; like the sun would continue to shine as long as my mom was there to point my face toward its brilliant rays. �śSweetheart, what happened to your car?” she asked, sitting next to me to enjoy a few pancake bears herself. �śIt’s at the shop getting new tires. A friend helped me drop it off.” �śOh okay,” she said. �śThat was nice of Heather’s dad to tow it over here. Are you catching a ride with her to school today?” �śWith Heather? No, I’m�Ś” I had to think about it. Was it okay to tell her what I was really planning? I hadn’t mentioned anything to her about Rayne before. He was always supposed to be a big secret. Although, last night he offered to come pick me up here at my house this morning and he knew my mom would be around. I figured as long as I left out all the crazy parts it would probably be okay. �śActually, I’m getting a ride from the boy across the street, Rayne.” It felt odd to say his name with my mother in the same room. Her brows pinched together. �śWhat boy?” �śHe lives across the street in the house with the iron fence around it.” �śIn Dorothy’s old house?” she said with surprise. �śI didn’t realize someone had moved in. She just disappeared one day. I’ve never seen anyone there since.” I should’ve known my mom would be friends with the old tenant. �śYeah, I just found out too,” I said hoping she would believe I didn’t know much more than she did. She leaned in close to me with interest. �śSo who’s this boy then?” � �śOh, you know, we’ve just hung out a couple of times,” I said. �śWe’re going to the Sadies dance together this weekend.” She perked up immediately. �śThere’s a dance?” I realized I just gave more information than I meant to. She always made such a big deal about my dating. �śIt was sort of a last minute thing,” I said, playing it down. Her tone was animated. �śWell, do I get to meet him at least?” �śIf you want,” I said, hesitating. �śBut we’re not dating or anything, we’re just friends, so don’t say anything�Śembarrassing.” �śWhat, me? Of course not.” �śYou’ll have to wait until Saturday,” I added. �śRight now I’m supposed to meet him over at his house, and I need to leave soon or we’ll be late.” �śOh no�ŚI have to work this Saturday,” she pouted. �śIt’s my weekend at the hospital. What about after school, is he giving you a ride home today too? You could bring him to the house before we go on our ride.” I couldn’t say no to her big, hopeful eyes. �śI’m not sure, but I’ll ask him when I get over there.” She smiled. �śGreat. Then I’ll see both of you this afternoon.” I shook my head at her, but had to smile. �śOkay, Mom.” I left the kitchen and crossed the newly remodeled living room to the door. It was going to take some time to get used to. Every time I walked in the room I was surprised it didn’t look like I remembered, but that was the least of my interests at the moment. Just a short walk across the street and I would see Rayne. His dark house greeted me as soon as I opened the door, but it didn’t look that dark to me this time. How could it, when I knew what waited for me inside its walls. I tried to suppress the wide grin forming on my face with anticipation. I wondered if he could see me walking across the street towards him. I didn’t have to wonder long. As I neared the front gate, just as I was realizing I didn’t know the code to open it, the gate swung open on its own. I pressed my lips together again, but the smile kept breaking through. He knew I was here; he was waiting for me. I made only a few steps up the path when the front door swung open. Rayne stood looking debonair in the doorway. �śMorning, Sunshine.” Nerves fluttered in my stomach. �śMorning,” I said. It was amazing every time I felt it�"the rush of energy, like a magnet pulling me towards him. He motioned with his arm, leading me into the house. �śHow are you today? Feeling okay?” I hadn’t thought about it really. �śUh, yeah, I’m fine.” �śThat’s good.” He looked me over, examining, as if he wasn’t sure he could believe me. I laughed at him. �śSeriously, I’m fine.” He led me through the large center room towards the back of the house. It looked even more open and cheerful than I remembered. Last night it was too dark to see the green backyard and patio hiding outside the French doors, but the morning light now cascaded in streams through the tall windows around the room. I also noticed that everything around the house was very clean and organized, nothing like a typical bachelor pad. Of course Rayne wasn’t the typical bachelor either. �śYou know, this house is really nice,” I said. �śThanks, I like it too. I was more concerned about location when I bought it, but I think I lucked out. The old woman kept the place in good condition.” �śCan I look outside?” �śSure. We’re headed that way anyway.” He rushed ahead of me and opened the door. �śLadies first.” I wasn’t surprised by his chivalry; he was just that kind of a guy. After a minute of wandering around the well-kept backyard we exited through a gate that led directly to his garage. No wonder I never noticed him leave the house. He could go straight through the yard to his garage without anyone ever seeing him. His car was nice, maybe even nicer than Heather’s parent’s car. I didn’t expect him to drive something so fancy. Although I did picture him in a white mustang at one point�"mostly due to dreams of my mysterious prince riding up on a white horse to carry me off into the sunset. That was before I knew him though. I couldn’t really picture Rayne in a sports car now. He was too down-to-earth, in his own, weird, Keeper sort of way. As we circled the front bumper, I read the large letters sprawled across the hood that spelled Range Rover. �śLooks like Keepers get paid well,” I said. He unlocked the passenger door with a smirk. �śWe do all right.” �śAll right?� Have you seen your car?” He just chuckled and shut my door. I watched him circle around the front of the car. He opened his door, got situated in his seat, and started the engine without saying a word. He put the gear in drive then paused, putting it right back into park again. �śI didn’t actually buy this car,” he said, still facing forward. �śOkay�Ś” I said, a little apprehensive. He shifted towards me in his seat. �śI didn’t buy this house either, well I did, but not with my own money I mean.” �śSo what are you getting at? Did you steal some money or something?” He looked appalled. �śNo, of course not.” I wasn’t sure why it mattered who paid for the house. �śWhat, you have a rich uncle who buys you stuff then?” � �śAlmost,” he answered with a chuckle. �śThey both were paid for by my employer. Every assignment comes with a different size budget.” �śThat’s pretty cool,” I said. �śI bet there aren’t many jobs out there that will pay for a house and a car.” �śI had a less expensive car before, but this one was given to me as sort of a work bonus.” He looked at me wryly. �śI guess my supervisor noticed how much harder I had to work ever since you learned how to drive, so he wanted to compensate me.” I kept my voice light. �śGee, I didn’t realize what a difficult assignment I was for you. At least you got a nice car out of the deal.” He smiled. �śI don’t really know why I told you all that. I guess, I just brought it up because I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me.” I shook my head. �śThe wrong idea?” �śIt’s just, I don’t want you to think I’m some spoiled, rich kid or big time high-roller kind of guy. That’s not who I am.” I looked at him surprised. �śI don’t think that.” � �śI didn’t think you would,” he said. �śI know you’re not quick to judge. But I also know there are a lot of people around here that have everything handed to them on a silver platter and I just wanted you to know I’m not like that. I mean, I pretty much grew up on a farm. I’m kind of a small-town guy at heart.” So the mysterious, confident Keeper came from humble beginnings. I didn’t see it at first, swept away by his skill and charm, but I could see it now. It humanized him, made him seem more real, more reachable. I felt myself staring, caught in admiration. I looked away with a nervous laugh. �śDon’t worry,” I teased. �śI don’t think you’re too spoiled.” A smile finally broke on his somewhat worried face. �śSo you grew up on a farm?” I asked. �śLike an actual farm with, I don’t know, cows and chickens and stuff?” He chuckled. �śSort of. It’s not an animal farm though; it’s a fruit farm. My family lives on a large orchard of fruit trees. They make a living selling the fruit.” �śWow, an orchard. So what kind of fruit do they grow?” He turned to me with a hesitant smile. �śYou’ve never heard of it before.” �śOh come on,” I insisted. �śIt’s just fruit. Tell me.” He rolled his eyes. �śIt’s called lizzy fruit.” I nodded my head. �śHuh. Yep, you were right. I have no idea what that is.” �śThey’re sort of a cross between a pear and a strawberry. Just think of a really big, extra sweet strawberry with a core instead of seeds on the skin.” My eyes brightened as I imagined the mixing flavors of strawberry and pear. �śYum�Śthose sound really good.” �śThey are,” he agreed. �śObviously they don’t grow around here though.” �śBut they do grow where your family lives,” I hinted. His green eyes seemed to smile right through me. �śYeah. They do.” �śSo if I asked you where your family lives, where you’re from, would you tell me?” He laughed once to himself. �śWell, let’s just say that where I’m from is not that far from where the Healing Water’s from, so�Ś” �śSo�Śno, you’re not gonna tell me,” I said, answering my own question. I sighed. �śWell, it was worth a shot. What about your family? Can you tell me anything about them? Or are they super top-secret too?” �śNo, they’re not top-secret,” he said, amused. �śI have a mother and father, just like most families. They’ve lived and worked at the orchard their whole lives. And I have a few siblings too; a younger sister who’s still in school and two older brothers that help out my parents in the orchard.” �śWow. You have such a big family. Do you get to see them very often?” Rayne glanced at the steering wheel and back at me. �śSometimes. Not as much as I used to. Even when I travel out that way, I don’t always have time to see them anymore. Lizzy Grove�Śuh, that’s the name of the orchard. It’s sort of out of the way from things.” �śWere you very close to your family?” I asked thoughtfully. �śDo you miss them?” He looked down and nodded. �śUm, yeah. Of course. I miss them a lot.” I stared until he met my gaze. �śIt’s because of me, isn’t it�ŚYou don’t have time to see them because of me.” He shook his head in disbelief and tried to make his voice sound light. �śNo. Don’t even worry about that. I knew the demands of my chosen career, long before I even knew who you were. It has nothing to do with you.” I wasn’t completely convinced, but I could feel I was making him uncomfortable. The air in the car was starting to feel heavier than I’d meant for it to. I pulled out a light, teasing tone. �śSo do you think I’ll ever get to meet them?” �śWho? My family?” he asked surprised. I laughed. �śYes your family�Ś” �śI’d say the chances of that are almost zero.” �śOh fine, be that way,” I joked. �śYou know, we should probably get going,” Rayne said, putting the car gear in drive. I don’t want to make you late for school.” If I could stay in his car and continue this conversation all day long, I would be happy. �śIt’s my first day back since the accident,” I said. �śIf I’m a little late, I’m sure my teacher would let it slide.” He ignored my attempt at persuasion and pressed the button on the garage opener, causing the large door to crank upward. I respected my old Honda and its longevity, but I could definitely get used to riding in a Range Rover. We coasted so smoothly down my street that Rayne could probably hear the birthday pancakes gurgling in my stomach. I wrapped my arms around my middle just in case. Even though his car was fancy, it was rugged too. It was an SUV after all. I decided the Range Rover was a good fit for Rayne. They were both outdoorsy�"and kind of magical at the same time. �śDo you have the necklace on today?” he asked. I pulled up on the chain nestled under my sweater. �śIt’s right here.” �śIt looks prettier when you can see it,” he said. �śI know, but it feels safer if I keep it under my shirt.” He smiled. �śIf you have any problems today, no matter what it might be, I want you to contact me through the diary. I should be in the neighborhood if you need me.” I liked feeling his concern, but it didn’t seem necessary; and I still didn’t get why I couldn’t just call or text. Was there someone out there screening our phones or something? �śWhy would I have any problems? I’m just going to school,” I said. �śYou were so ill yesterday that you fainted, remember?” I rolled my eyes. �śI know, I know.” I didn’t like talking to him about my apparent physical and emotional issues. He took a bottle of water from the cup holder and handed it to me. �śDrink this throughout the day. The Healing Water mixed in should keep you from getting sick. And be sure to keep the necklace on; that should help too.” �śThat’s why you gave me the necklace?” Did I just say that out loud? I meant to keep it to myself. So it was just another way to keep me from getting sick? To protect his assignment? � �śNo,” he said, sounding hurt. �śThat just happens to be a nice perk of wearing it.” My face flushed. �śOh.” I looked away sheepishly and changed the subject. �śSo are you picking me up after school or should I find a ride?” �śI’ll pick you up. We can drive over to the shop together and pick up your car.” �śOkay,” I said. �śBut I’ll have to go home after that. My mom’s off work so we’re hanging out all night.” �śSounds fun.” �śYeah, it’ll be nice to spend some time together,” I said. �śBut beware; she wants to meet you when you drop me off.” He glanced over at me. �śThat should be fine.” �śAre you sure?” I insisted. �śDon’t worry,” he said. �śYour mom’s harmless.” I rolled my eyes. �śToo harmless; she’ll secretly be planning our wedding by the time you leave.” �śI doubt that,” he said. �śShe just gets excited for you. She wants you to be happy.” The wheels of his car rolled through the crowded school parking lot. �śI guess I’ll see you after school,” I said. His eyes followed me while I opened the door. �śI’ll be here.” � � � � � � 20. RAYNE FINDS HIS FOCUS� � � � � � Rayne watched as Sadie slid from his car to return to her life. She skipped up the sidewalk, turning back for only a second and allowing him one more glimpse of her smile before a swarm of students encircled around her. Their welcoming faces grew brighter as she lit up their lives without even knowing her effect on them�"and on him. She looked happy. This was what she knew; this was where she belonged. He wanted her to have her simple life back. At least as much as that was possible at this point. He idled in the parking lot until the last strand of her flowing hair disappeared from his view and drove out to the street. Normally he would’ve been in his wetsuit by now, paddling out on his surf board towards the break. At least that would’ve been normal up until this month. Sadie’s condition had ballooned out of control in a matter of weeks. Thanks to his own incompetence. Today he was too apprehensive to drive the five minutes back to his house. He couldn’t even bring himself to leave the neighborhood surrounding the school. He had to stay close. He made it as far as across the street and parked on the corner, facing the school, concerns weighing heavy on his mind. He reached down and retrieved the handheld tracking monitor he kept secured to the underside of his chair. Sadie’s red dot pulled up on the map and sat unmoving at the northwest corner of the school grounds. He knew there was a good chance the dot wouldn’t move again until lunch. She had a habit of leaving her wallet in her locker during classes. Maybe it was time to consider adding a few more devices to her belongings, so he could follow her more closely. His insecurities had been mounting ever since that first contact with her on the beach. His copy of Sadie’s diary still sat in the pocket behind his chair. He reached around to give it a glance then set it next to the tracking monitor in the passenger seat. He thought of that night at the beach after he pulled her from the ocean, the panic that took over when he saw her fall. That was the first sign of his emotions controlling his actions. He almost gave in to them that day. Her flushed cheeks were warm under his hands; her soft lips came within inches of his own. It took everything in him, all of his resolve, to leave her standing there in the dark. He remembered his pulsing heart as he sprinted away through the shadows, running as fast as he could, anger surging through his skin at his own weakness. He wanted to beat the shuttle back to the parking lot, so he could ensure she made it safely to her car, but he couldn’t trust himself yet. He stopped just before he reached the end of the path, gasping for air and cursing himself for letting down his guard. After that he thought he’d doubled his focus. Even when Sadie came to his gate the very next night, he was able to hold himself back. Even when his hand hovered over the button to the intercom, staring at her sweet, unknowing face in the monitor, he didn’t press the button. He kept his control. Even when Hamlin denied his request for reassignment, he’d kept himself together. It was her car accident that really changed things. Now his nerves were on edge any time he didn’t know exactly where Sadie was, who she was with, and what she was doing. He couldn’t let down his guard. Even if it meant sitting all day long in his car doing absolutely nothing but stare at her little red dot on the monitor. He wasn’t even sure when he was making his decisions based on duty and when they were purely to indulge his desires to be near her. The bonding effect of the Healing Water was growing too strong for him to control. He pulled his head back to the headrest with a deep breath. He just needed to collect his thoughts today, regain his focus. Hamlin’s voice played back in his head from their meet the morning previous. I know you’re concerned, but you must refrain from giving her constant exposure to the Healing Water. In order to gauge the extent of the defect you must allow the effects to take their course. Stay on high alert, but only intervene with more Healing Water when it is absolutely necessary to maintain normal function. Rayne realized he shouldn’t have given Sadie that water bottle this morning, but he didn’t have the will. He wanted her to have at least one nice day back at school before he let her system run out, leaving her vulnerable just for the sake of observation. He knew Hamlin was right though. It would be wise to figure out how long her system could manage without help. He needed to know what he was up against. He would always be close enough to step in if necessary, but he hated to watch her suffer in the process. The weight of responsibility hung on his shoulders. He practically held Sadie’s well-being in the palm of his hand. He would never forgive himself for his mistakes or for dragging her into the mess he created. At what point should he say enough is enough? Where was he supposed to draw that line? Was it wrong for him to tell her all those things last night; about his house, and the bonding, and her mother? He knew it was against the rules, but was it wrong? It was her happiness that hung in the balance. Didn’t she have a right to be involved in her own life? At what point would it make sense to allow some risk to her protection in order to avoid the grossly obtrusive invasion of her privacy�Śand her trust? He wanted to do the right thing, but he wasn’t sure what that was anymore. Before, that meant do anything and everything possible to follow the Keeper Code and fulfill his duties. That’s what The Academy trained him to do. That meant do whatever it took to do your job, even if it meant breaking and entering, lying, stealing�Ś As long as it was for the right reasons, it wasn’t wrong. That’s what they required you to believe. He could understand if there were some gray areas requiring him to break a few small rules in order to accomplish the greater good, but just about everything was starting to look like gray area lately. He didn’t know what to believe in anymore. At least as a Keeper his job required only a small amount of deception, and there was a great deal of good being done as a result, so it seemed like it was probably worthwhile. But they weren’t the only agents out there. There were Scouts and Backers too. Backers were just a bunch of business men needed to create the funding to run everything else. From what he’d gathered over the years, their practices were fairly ethical, but Scouts were a different story. Rayne knew he could never survive as a Scout. It was no wonder Ash was so unhappy all the time. The way they went around borrowing technology, or sensitive information, or advanced weapons, or anything they felt would benefit them; as if somehow they were entitled to it without question. Scouts showed no restraint. They were the only department that used guns to get the job done. Yet somehow this was deemed to be admirable, the highest honor that could be attained by an agent, not to mention the outrageous amounts of compensation involved. Rayne could never understand it all. Lately he wished more and more to go back to his once simple life at the orchard. Across the street students filed out of classrooms and milled around the school grounds during break. Rayne watched them with a strange sense of envy, wondering what it must be like to know your greatest concern was a math exam or whether you would find a date to the school dance. He thought back again to his last meet with Hamlin. He always appeared so confident. When Rayne relayed Voss’s message, Hamlin didn’t even flinch. Here he was caught in the middle of a terrible scheme that threatened to ruin everything he’d ever worked for and there was not a trace of fear or anger in his eyes. Everyone expected Rayne to be just as confident. He did everything he could to live up to their expectations, but he didn’t know how much longer he could keep it going. He almost felt like he was faking his way through everything. He didn’t feel confident anymore. It was all just an act he learned through his training. What did Hamlin ever see in him in the first place? Was he even cut out for the life of a Keeper? He was truly beginning to doubt himself. He never aspired to this life in the first place. He was content with a simple existence, living and working at the orchard with his family. That’s all he ever planned to be. He glanced at Sadie’s red dot on the monitor, but of course it didn’t move; and the light on the diary didn’t illuminate. That was a good sign. It meant she was having a normal day. He rested his head back in the seat and closed his eyes. That’s all that he wanted�ŚSadie’s happiness. His mind kept turning and he pondered how he got to this point in his life. In the beginning it all just fell together like it was meant to be. He wasn’t sure he felt that anymore. There was so much pressure, so many expectations all counting on him to perform, to be something he felt incapable and unworthy of being. A stream of memories played through his head from his old life, his uncomplicated life at Lizzy Grove. Playing in the fields, swimming in the purple sea after school, listening to his father tell stories by the fire. That was so long ago. More than anything, he remembered the day he met Hamlin�"the day that would lead him to a whole different world. � *** � Rayne had lived seventeen years at the time, his body age still that of a twelve year old. His physical development was normal or perhaps even a little faster than the average. It was probably all the work out in the orchard that kept him strong. He unloaded the crates of lizzy fruit optimistically from the truck while Lark and Flint carried them across the lot to their booth. Every Friday his brothers made the drive into the city to attend the farmer’s market sponsored by The Ambassadors Council, but this was the first time Rayne’s mother finally allowed him to go along. The market was held in the park across the street from The Court of Ambassadors. Rayne had only been to the heart of the city a few times and the building looked more amazing and grand than he remembered. The truck bed creaked under his feet as he stood mesmerized, gazing at the massive arched windows and towering pillars that surrounded the famous clock tower he’d seen on TV growing up. Suddenly a lizzy fruit launched in the air and pounded Rayne’s arm. He stumbled back over a crate and landed with a thud. Lark laughed wholeheartedly at the comical fall created by his throw. �śTime to wake up,” he said between laughs. Rayne rubbed his arm and stood with a smirk. He may have been smaller, but he had plenty of fight in him to return the favor. Lark turned his back about to pick up a crate. �śCome on, you little daydreamer. These lizzies won’t unload themselves.” At the first chance, Rayne launched himself off the truck bed onto Lark’s back and knocked him to the ground. They laughed and wrestled in the grass until Lark finally pinned Rayne under his arm. �śOkay, okay, mercy,” Rayne said, squirming under his brother’s grip. He knew when he was beat. Lark gave him a hand to his feet and messed Rayne’s hair with his palm. �śYou put up a good fight, little bro.” Flint jogged up to the side of the truck. �śOh man, the fight’s already over? I wanted a piece of the action.” �śYou can have next round,” Lark joked, �śbut my bet’s on the kid.” Rayne lifted his eyebrows. �śYou better watch your back; you never know when the kid’s gonna strike.” Flint pretended to be afraid and cowered behind Lark. �śNot the attack of the kid! Somebody save me�Ś” After the booth was set up, they all sat on stools and waited for customers. Every time a pretty girl walked by, his brothers nudged each other with their elbows, egging each other on. �śHey look at that one,” Lark said. �śYou think I should talk to her?” Flint shoved his shoulder. �śNo way, man. City girls are way out of your league. I’m gonna talk to her.” Lark jumped from his stool. �śNot if I get to her first.” Flint followed after him, grabbing Lark’s arm with a smirk. �śNo, you have to stay and help the kid run the booth.” �śNo, you have to stay and help the kid,” Flint returned. Rayne shook his head. �śHey, I can handle the booth myself, you guys.” Both brothers stopped pulling on each other long enough to look at him. �śAre you sure?” Lark asked. �śI can handle it,” Rayne said eagerly. Lark and Flint peered mischievously into the other’s face with a silent challenge and bolted through the crowd, stumbling over each other to pull ahead in their race. It was kind of interesting to watch the city people shuffle around the market in their fancy clothes, but not for long. The farmer’s market was more boring than Rayne expected. He’d barely sold a couple crates of fruit. What was taking those two so long? They should’ve had time to be turned down by every girl in the city by now. He couldn’t sit on that stupid wooden stool any longer, so he plopped on his back in the grass at the side of the booth. No one was going to stop to buy anything anyway. The clouds formed funny shapes against the purple sky in the distance, but the sun still beat down on him from directly overhead. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt. It seemed hotter here than Lizzy Grove. He was used to being right next to the sea where the air was cooler during the hot months of the year. It made the waiting seem even longer. A man’s voice jerked him from his thoughts. �śBusiness slow today?” Rayne pounced to his feet like a cat. �śSorry,” he said, brushing the dirt and grass from his shorts. He stopped mid-step when he recognized the man’s face. His eyes went wide. �śUh, wow, Ambassador Fairbanks. Sorry, I was just�Ś” Hamlin smiled knowingly. �śEnjoying the sunshine?” Rayne nodded and grinned, feeling foolish. �śYes, sir.” � �śWell, I can’t blame you, son. I’m trying to do the same myself. After being stuck in meetings all morning, I thought I could use a break. How’s the crop today?” Rayne stuttered over his words. �śIt’s g-good.” he tried to recuperate his composure. �śI mean, actually, it’s excellent, sir. This is one of our sweetest harvests this season.” �śReally?” Hamlin said in a cheerful tone. �śDo you think I could try a sample?” �śOf course, sir. Help yourself�Śon the house.” Hamlin surveyed the fruit to make his selection. As he pulled a lizzy from the basket it knocked a couple loose and they rolled off the stand. Rayne reacted out of instinct and caught both pieces before they hit the ground, returning them to the display. Hamlin threw his lizzy in the air and caught it in his palm. �śYou have quick hands, son.” �śYeah, I guess so. I get a lot of practice up in the lizzy trees.” He watched with anticipation as Hamlin sank his teeth into the fruit’s juicy, red flesh. Hamlin tasted the fruit thoughtfully and swallowed, pausing for a moment. He finally smiled in Rayne’s direction. �śI think you’re right, young man. This is one of the best lizzies I’ve had all year.” Rayne beamed proudly. �śThank you, sir.” He watched Hamlin take another bite. �śIs it true what they say about the name?” �śThe name?” Hamlin asked between chewing. �śLizzy, the name of the fruit. Did William Fairbanks really name it after his first wife, Elizabeth?” The intrigue grew in Rayne’s voice. �śThe one they say died before he discovered the first Threshold, and before he founded the city and married Jane Carpenter? I just always wondered if that was true and thought, since they were your direct ancestors, you might know.” Hamlin looked amused by the boy’s interest. �śI’m afraid we don’t have any records preserved that mention her.” Rayne looked at his tennis shoes with disappointment. �śOh. Okay.” Then Hamlin brought his head near to Rayne’s and whispered, �śBut according to my grandmother’s old stories from long ago, I’d say there’s a good chance the rumors are true.” �śI knew it,” Rayne said with a grin. Hamlin tossed his lizzy core in the trash bin. �śI think I’ll buy another for the road. How much?” �śOh, no charge, sir. It was an honor meeting you.” �śNo, I insist. How much?” �śA dollar a piece,” Rayne answered. Hamlin tossed a bill lightly on the edge of the fruit stand with a nod and began to walk away. Rayne collected the money expecting to see one dollar, but found a one-hundred-dollar bill instead. With surprised eyes, he grasped the large amount of money in his hand and immediately left his booth to run through the market to find Hamlin. �śAmbassador,” he called out. �śSir, wait.” Hamlin turned with a confused expression. �śIs everything all right, son?” �śYou accidentally gave me a hundred dollars,” Rayne said, holding out the money. Hamlin took the money from his hand and examined it lightly. �śYes, it appears that I did. And�Śyou ran all this way to come return it to me?” �śOf course, sir. Lizzies only cost a dollar. That would be stealing to keep it,” Rayne insisted. Hamlin lifted an eyebrow. �śRight you are, young man. Very wise.” He held the bill back in front of Rayne. �śI’d like you to keep this, as a gift. I’ve enjoyed our talk and I think you deserve a reward for your hard work today at the market.” �śWow, thank you.” Rayne looked at the money in his hand and back at Hamlin. �śWait; I don’t think I can accept this. It just doesn’t feel right to accept the money when I haven’t earned it. And what will my parents say when I arrive home with a full truck of fruit and a hundred dollars too?” Hamlin rubbed his chin and grinned. �śYes, I see what you mean. Tell me, what’s your name, son?” �śRayne.” �śTell me, Rayne, about how many lizzies do you think you have on display today?” Rayne didn’t understand the point of his question. �śUm, I don’t know. Let’s see�Śthere’s twelve lizzies per box and three boxes per crate; we brought thirty crates today and we’ve sold about two, so that would make�Śjust under nine hundred. Why do you ask, sir?” Hamlin looked pleased with his answer. �śYou know, that really was one of the best lizzies I’ve ever tasted. I’m thinking some of my colleagues in the office might like to try them as well.” �śDid you want to buy a few more for the road? I can run back to the stand and grab them for you, if you’d like.” �śI was thinking I might like to buy a few more than that,” Hamlin said. �śWhat would you say if I asked to buy your entire supply? Would that be okay?” Rayne’s jaw dropped. �śYou mean, all of them?” �śYes, as long as that’s all right with you of course.” �śUm�Śsure. Wow, really? That would be great. I’ll need to go find my brothers so they can help me carry them. Are you sure you really want that much fruit though? That’s a lot of lizzies.” �śThere are a lot of hungry people up in my office,” Hamlin assured him. �śDon’t worry about finding your brothers though. I’ll send my assistants over shortly to pick up my purchase.” Rayne grinned with uncertainty. �śOkay. I’ll�Śgo guard the booth so no one tries to buy any of your fruit.” Hamlin placed his hand on Rayne’s shoulder. �śJust one more thing before you go back to work. Have you ever considered submitting an application to The Academy, young Rayne?” �śThe Academy? You mean, The Academy? The Ambassadors Academy?” �śThe very same,” Hamlin replied. �śNo, never. Isn’t that a place for, I don’t know, great people? And people who are really smart? Like you, sir.” �śYes, it certainly is. I see potential in you, son. I think you should give it your consideration.” Rayne scratched his head. �śPotential in me? I’m not even that good of a student at school. My marks are only average. I don’t think I’m the kind of guy The Academy is looking for.” �śAh, but book smarts can be improved with study and hard work, while strength of character is a much harder discipline to master.” Rayne paused trying to figure the man’s logic. �śBut don’t you need to have a sponsor or a mentor to apply? I don’t know anyone who would want to sponsor someone like me.” �śOn the contrary,” Hamlin said. �śI know someone who’s looking for a student just like you to mentor. If you’re interested, I could set up a meet.” Rayne didn’t know what to say. �śWell, maybe�ŚI don’t know. I guess I could think about it. I should probably talk to my parents first.” Hamlin smiled. �śThat sounds like a wonderful idea. Why don’t you discuss it with them over the upcoming week and I can drop by your booth again next Friday to see how it went.” He held out his hand. �śDo we have an agreement?” Rayne took Hamlin’s palm and gave it a firm shake. �śYes, sir.” An hour later Flint and Lark scuffled towards Rayne at their booth. Both brothers froze in unison when they noticed the table full of empty crates. �śWhere are all the lizzies?” Lark said, dumbfounded.� � Flint punched his shoulder. �śI told you not to leave the kid alone at the booth.” Rayne smirked and fanned nine one-hundred-dollar bills in front of his face and said, �śI sold them�Ś” � *** � Rayne sat up in his chair and looked at the clock. Sadie should be on her way to lunch in a few minutes. He picked up the tracking monitor and held it in his lap. Her red dot finally floated across the screen. He pictured her at her usual table sitting next to Heather, giggling and talking cheerfully about high school things. He imagined himself walking up to her table and joining their conversation as if he belonged, as if it was right for him to indulge his emotions instead of fighting them, as if he could just leave this current life behind him and start a new one�"with her. He would keep fighting it though. He would do it for Sadie. She didn’t deserve to be dragged into his uncertain world. Things wouldn’t have been that bad for her if he’d just done his job correctly. It was his mistake. It wouldn’t be right for him to ignore that. He had to take the burden upon himself so she wouldn’t have to. She deserved to feel secure, despite the circumstances forced upon her. It was important to stay strong. He couldn’t let his self-doubts control his actions. He had to get focused. Rayne pictured her face in his mind. She is your assignment. The emotions are an illusion. You have to clear your head so you can protect her. She needs you to be confident. Then he pushed the insecurity and emotions deep inside himself hoping they would disappear. � � � � � � 21. COOKIES� � � � � � I glanced back as I walked towards the school. Rayne’s car didn’t move. I felt self-conscious, wondering if his eyes were on my back, but before I could take a second glance, a crowd of students swarmed to greet me. Hey Sadie! Glad you’re back! How are you? Good to see you! Most of the day passed in a similar fashion. Kids I didn’t even know were coming over to welcome me back to school or congratulate me on such a quick recovery. It was actually a bit comical to hear some of the rumors flying around about my accident. One kid said he heard that Justin saved my life because he ran all the way to the emergency room while carrying me with a broken arm. I was sure Justin loved that one; at least they got the broken arm part right. Even Arianna said she overheard people talking about how my skull had been crushed to bits and I would be a vegetable for the rest of my life. But she was one of the friends who came to visit me in the hospital, so she knew the rumor wasn’t true. Come to find out, Arianna also asked Justin to the dance on Saturday. I was a little surprised. I never pictured the two of them together, but she said she thought he was sweet. Maybe he took my advice and tried being himself around her. Either way, as long as they were happy, I was happy. Heather was still acting like herself. That was a relief. I was worried she’d be upset after I went home early from shopping, but she seemed genuinely happy I wasn’t sick anymore. And even happier I was still planning to come to the dance this weekend. I also was concerned she wouldn’t like all the attention I was receiving on my first day back to school. If she did have a problem with it, I couldn’t see it. Just in case, I tried to swing the conversation in her direction as much as possible. By the end of the day everyone I talked to knew how excited I was that she and Nick Christensen were officially dating. She seemed pleased by my enthusiasm so I figured we were fine. Overall, it was a good day. I felt great. The water Rayne gave me combined with the liquid in the necklace must’ve been working. There were no signs of weakness or fainting. I almost felt like myself again and it was nice to remember what it was like to be a normal teenage girl for a few hours. I still thought about Rayne and missed him, but the day was so cheerful and busy I didn’t have a chance to feel bad about it. Even my teachers were lenient on me. Despite the large stack of homework back home brought over by other students, my teachers only ended up requiring a few small assignments to make up for the entire week I was absent. The day coasted by like a tropical breeze and the next thing I knew I was heading towards the parking lot in search of my ride. Rayne’s car sat in the exact same spot it had been in this morning. It almost felt like he’d never left. No, he left; I was sure he left. �śHow was your day?” he crooned. Sometimes even the sound of his voice was like a soak in a soothing bath. I sunk into the chair. �śReally good. Busy, but good.” I couldn’t remember the last time I’d talked to so many people in a single day. Unlike the quiet ride this morning, there was music playing softly in the background as we pulled onto the street. I listened intently, curious what type of music Rayne liked. The tune sounded familiar, but I couldn’t figure it out before the song ended. I turned and smiled at Rayne, trying to think of something to talk about, but for once I was at a loss for words. I quickly turned my head back to the window. There were plenty of things I could’ve told him regarding the cheerful day with my friends, but it didn’t seem like a topic that would interest Rayne. That was my world, not his. A new song began to play and I felt an instant lift when I recognized it. It was an older song my mom used to listen to when I was young and it immediately brought back pleasant memories. The upbeat tune was like a stroll in the sand on a summer morning. Before I could think it through, I turned up the volume and started to sing. I couldn’t help it. When I heard a song I liked, there was a natural instinct that took over.� � �śI take it you like this song?” he asked. �śI love it,” I said happily between lyrics. �śReally? Isn’t it a little before your time?” �śI guess,” I said. �śBut it reminds me of my mom. When I was a little girl she used to play it all the time. She called it her happy song. I know all the words.” I turned to look at him, my head swaying to the beat while I continued to sing. He wore the same amused grin I’d seen so many times before. I never could figure out if he was laughing with me or at me. Just as it crossed my mind that I might be making a fool of myself, Rayne’s lips started to sing in unison with mine. My eyes lit up as he joined me in the chorus. His willingness caused my enthusiasm to double. The next thing I knew, we were both belting out the words as loud as our voices would carry. It came almost to the point of downright silliness as we took turns adding little hand gestures and dance moves to our performance. It was the most fun I’d ever had with Rayne. There was no talk about secrets or issues, only the two of us gliding down the street in playful harmony. We laughed as the song faded to a close. �śNot bad for an old man,” I said. He grinned. �śI think you bring out the kid in me.” �śHopefully that’s not a bad thing.” My cheeks started to feel hot. If I was trying to give him the impression I was mature, I wasn’t doing a good job of it. �śNo, I like it. Being serious all the time is starting to wear me out.” �śI’m surprised you don’t have grey hairs coming in already,” I joked. He pretended to look hurt and poked my side in retaliation. When we arrived at the auto shop, Rayne insisted on taking care of everything. This wasn’t the first time a boy went out of his way to do something nice for me, but for some reason it felt more meaningful this time. He handed me the keys to my Honda. �śIt’s all ready to go.” �śThis was so nice of you,” I said. �śReally, thank you so much. What can I do to make it up to you?” Despite my desire to hold back, my lashes fluttered hopefully, gazing into his crystal eyes. �śNo big deal. You helped me out of my serious slump with your awesome dance moves, so let’s call it even. I’ll see you back at your place.” He winked and hopped in his car, shutting the door before I could protest. I couldn’t take my eyes off the rearview mirror driving home, watching Rayne while he followed behind me. Perhaps I was kidding myself, but I allowed the feelings of security and peace of mind take over, pushing my worries to the background. He parked his car and met me in front of my house. �śAre you sure you’re ready for this?” I asked. �śIt’s just your mom,” he insisted, grabbing my hand and dragging me up to the door. I turned the knob and edged forward. �śMom?” I called. �śI’m home.” I wasn’t exactly sure what I was afraid of but my feet lingered in the doorway. There was a gentle nudge on my back as Rayne coaxed me into the room. My mom leapt into the room from the kitchen. �śSadie-bear, you’re home.” She grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek�"which I was sure had turned bright red. She faced Rayne and held out both her arms in a wide, welcoming gesture. �śAnd this must be�Ś” �śRayne,” he finished with a charming smile. Suddenly my mom’s arms were wrapped around his neck. �śRayne, of course, I’m so glad you could drop by.” �śMom, don’t forget to let him breath.” She ignored my comment. �śThank you for inviting me, Mrs. James,” Rayne said. �śOh please, call me Leena.” I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t sure why; my mother was just being friendly. �śCome and sit down,” Mom said, grabbing Rayne’s hand and pulling him towards the couch. She didn’t let go as he sat, but patted his hand between hers. �śStay right here. I’ll be right back with some snacks.” While she was gone I sent Rayne an apologetic look but he waved it away with a grin. Mom emerged from the kitchen with a large platter of cookies. She loved to go overboard. � �śI wasn’t sure what you liked, Rayne, so I made a variety.” She pointed at each cookie as she named them. �śThese are your standard chocolate chip, then there’s peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, and my favorite ones here are called snicker doodles.” Rayne pulled a snicker doodle from the tray. �śThey look delicious; thank you.” Of course he picked her favorite, I thought. �śI’d like a cookie,” I said, but Mom didn’t seem to notice. She stood in front of Rayne for a moment examining his face as he took a bite. �śI’m sorry,” she said. �śIt’s just�Śyou look so familiar. Have we met before?” �śNo, I don’t think so,” Rayne said casually. �śUh, Mom, can I have a cookie?” I said in an attempt to distract her. �śHold on, honey,” she said, without moving her attention from Rayne. �śThis is going to bug me if I can’t place how I know you. Your face is so familiar.” She put her hand to her chin in contemplation. �śWell, I am your neighbor,” he said without an ounce of worry in his voice. �śI’m sure we’ve run into each other before.” Her face still looked confused like she wasn’t convinced. �śThat’s probably all it is,” she agreed, but she continued to stare at his face. �śMom,” I said. �śWhat’s that sweetie?” She spoke but I wasn’t sure she heard my words. Her face didn’t turn towards me. �śMom,” I said with more emphasis. Her head shook to release the trance as I finally gained her attention. �śCan I have a cookie?” She looked down at the tray and back at me. �śWhat? Oh, sorry. What kind would you like?” �śChocolate chip.” She placed a cookie on a napkin and handed it to me as she mouthed the words, he’s cute, and took a seat next to Rayne. I widened my eyes at her with wordless pleading, hoping she would get the hint to tone it down a notch. Rayne swept a few crumbs from his lap. �śI know you two have an afternoon planned, so I won’t keep you.” My mom shot her hand to Rayne’s arm. �śDo you have to leave already?” �śYes, I have a few errands to get to, but it was nice meeting you.” �śWell, then at least let me get you a couple of cookies to take home with you,” Mom said. She flew into the kitchen and back again in seconds. In her arm was a plastic bag so large it probably held a dozen of each kind of cookie. �śVisit again soon,” Mom said, giving Rayne a hug. I waited at the door for him to join me. �śI guess I’ll talk to you later?” I said to him hopefully. �śSadie, don’t be rude,” Mom said. �śWhy don’t you walk your guest out?” She waved us both out the door, a smile spread wide across her dimpled cheeks. No doubt it was her ploy to give us a few moments alone together, but for once I didn’t mind. �śYou handled that well,” I said, purposely bumping against Rayne’s arm as we walked towards his house. �śThere wasn’t anything to handle. I know how your mom is; she’s very friendly.” �śI know she’s super likeable,” I said. �śBut that doesn’t mean she’s innocent. She’s probably peeking through the window spying on us right now.” �śSo let her spy. What could it hurt?” We reached the front of Rayne’s yard and stopped near the gate. He set down the large package of cookies on one of the stone pillars. �śShe’ll think we’re dating,” I said. �śYou know that’s what she’s hoping for.” �śIf it makes her happy, I don’t see the harm. At least it will seem less suspicious when she sees me around you all the time.” His tone sounded mischievous. �śIf she is watching, maybe we should give her a little show�Ś” I folded my arms. �śLike what?” Out of nowhere his lips moved in on mine. I panicked and shoved his face away. �śWhat are you doing?” The one thing I’d wished for so badly was suddenly a nuisance, like he was mocking me; as if it were all some big joke to him. I looked at him with piercing eyes. �śI really don’t know,” he said idiotically. �śAre you serious?” I turned my back in disbelief and started towards my house. He jumped for my arm. �śSadie, wait.” I turned and glared at him. �śI’m sorry,” he said. �śThat was rude. I don’t know what came over me.” My eyes were stern. �śThat wasn’t funny.” I tried to speak in a hushed voice but it grew increasingly frustrated. �śYou of all people should know what kind of feelings I’m trying to suppress; and if you paid any attention, at all, when you read my diary, you should also know that I’ve never kissed anyone before. Did you really think I’d want the first to be some joke to mess with my mom?” �śYou’re completely right,” he said, overly agreeable. �śPlease, I’m sorry,” he begged. �śI’m a jerk. What can I do to make it up to you? I’ll�ŚI’ll�Ś” He thought desperately for a solution. �śI know, you can hit me.” I laughed without humor. �śWhat? I’m not going to hit you.” �śCome on; it will make you feel better. Punch me in the stomach,” he said clenching his arms to his sides. �śCome on�Śhit me; it’s a free shot.” I watched his lips open and close with irritation. All the frustration hidden deep within me leapt to the palm of my hand and lashed across Rayne’s face with a smack. He stopped talking, face stunned. My hand tingled. �śI think I do feel a little better,” I said surprised. He rubbed the side of his face. �śI guess your mom got a show after all.” My tension released. The last thing I wanted was to stay mad at him and I figured my point had been made�"and then some. The release felt so nice I thought I might start to laugh. �śDid I really just slap you?” I said, suppressing a chuckle. �śOh you slapped me all right. It was a good one too.” � �śSorry,” I said, feeling sheepish. �śAlthough you did tell me to hit you.” �śNo, I deserved it,” he said with a chuckle. �śI mean it though; I’m sorry for being such a jerk.” �śI might be able to forgive you,” I hinted, lifting one eyebrow. �śIf�Ś” �śAnything; just name it.” �śIf you give me a kiss.” He looked at me dumbfounded. This was not the answer he was expecting. I laughed and tapped the side of my face. �śOn the cheek of course.” His lips moved close to mine and landed gingerly on my cheek. He looked into my eyes. �śAnything else?” �śNo. You’re off the hook for now. But you still owe me. You can make it up to me later.” �śI’ll see what I can do,” he said with a smirk. He took a step back. �śI’ll talk to you later then?” I nodded and grinned. Then somehow my legs skipped eagerly in the direction of my house. When I opened the front door I found my mom perched on the edge of the couch, positioned toward the window. She wasn’t even trying to conceal her spying. Her eyes widened with interest. �śWhat was all that about?” Despite my truly devious intentions, I put on my most innocent face. �śWhat was all what about?” I turned without letting her reply and pranced to the garage to find my bike. � � � � � � 22. MAKEOVER� � � � � � It was cool enough that I wore a sweatshirt but it was a beautiful afternoon. Mom and I didn’t talk about anything particular on our bike ride. We just took in the fresh salt air and breezed down the beach path side by side. Being outside in the sunshine brought renewed strength and energy. I found myself deep in contemplation as I pedaled. Rayne had told me things he knew about my mother and the strange circumstances of my birth. I couldn’t help but wonder more about my father. Was he there when my mom found out she had cancer? She always told me he left before she even knew she was pregnant, but did he know about anything else? Did he know she would recover and if so, was he somehow involved? My mother was always reluctant to talk about him. Either she was trying to protect me from a difficult truth or the subject was just too painful for her. The closest she ever came to discussing it was the fairytale version of their meeting she’d used as a bedtime story when I was a child. She preferred to bury negative emotions deep inside and put on a cheerful face rather than face the truth. I knew it would be hard to accomplish, but I had to find out what my mom knew about my father. It wouldn’t be ideal to talk while riding our bikes, there were too many distractions and people around, and I might have to really push her to open up. It would have to wait until we got home. On the drive back we stopped for some takeout and rented a movie. I suggested we save the movie for later, explaining that I was hoping she’d do my nails in preparation for the dance this weekend. Having nice nails would be a plus, but what I really wanted was to ensure there would be plenty of opportunity to talk. My mom absolutely loved the idea of course�"she was thrilled to do anything to help me get ready for my date with such a cute boy, as she put it. I wondered if she actually knew who Rayne was, if she would still be quite so excited. As much as I wanted to know, I was struggling to bring up the subject of my father. I knew it would be a tough conversation and I felt myself putting it off. After we ate, my mom went overboard with my nail idea and pulled out enough beauty products to perform a full body makeover, including a manicure, pedicure, several face masks, eyebrow tweezing, teeth bleaching, and leg wax. I thought I might draw the line at the leg wax. Who was she thinking would see my bare legs that night anyway? I certainly wasn’t planning to show them off�"although I never knew when Heather might suddenly invite everyone over for a soak in her hot tub. Maybe it was better to be prepared just in case. It was too bad we didn’t invite Heather to join us for the makeovers. She would’ve loved it for sure. I could picture her and my mother gabbing about boys and shades of nail polish all night. But I knew there would be no chance whatsoever that my mom would open up about my father with Heather around. We sat on the floor of my mom’s bedroom listening to the radio and taking turns filing each other’s nails. She wanted to know all about Rayne and our plans for the weekend. According to him it wasn’t a bad idea to let her believe we were dating or at least headed that way. It did seem the most believable explanation why we were spending time together, so I decided to go with it. I even told her about my duet with Rayne during our ride home from school and how he’d offered to pay to fix my car. She ate up every bit of it with glee. The afternoon turned into evening and I still hadn’t gotten the nerve to bring up my father. I just finished washing dried, purple goo off my face when she handed me two clear strips used for whitening teeth. I took the strips without hesitation and started towards the bathroom to use the mirror, but realized I would have to leave the strips on my teeth for thirty minutes, making it very difficult to talk. I couldn’t put it off any longer. I turned about-face and said, �śMom, do you�"” but I stopped mid-sentence. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I didn’t know how to start. �śWhat’s that, sweetheart?” she said, not looking up from the bottles of nail polish she was sifting through. I wanted to chicken out, but I couldn’t. I had to get this off my chest. I sat back down next to her on the floor. �śMom, will you tell me the story about Dad again?” Her mouth tightened, being taken off guard. She laughed nervously. �śYou’ve heard that silly story a thousand times. Aren’t you getting a little old for that now?” I knew she would try to brush the question under the rug, but I had to hold my ground. �śI mean the real version, Mom. I’m almost eighteen. I thought maybe, now that I’m older, you could tell me what really happened between you two.” She jumped up off the floor. �śThat was a long time ago; I can barely remember the details myself. It’s better to focus on the future.” She moved away from me towards the bathroom. I had to leap off the floor and physically block her to keep her from running away. I grabbed her shoulders and stared straight into her eyes. �śPlease; this is my father we’re talking about. I need to know where I came from. It’s not fair to make me go my whole life without knowing at least something about him.” Her voice shook. �śAll you need to know is, you were conceived out of love and I’ve never had a single regret for having you. You’re the most precious thing in my life.” Her sentiments were sincere but I needed more. �śI know. You’re the most important thing to me too, but it’s not enough this time. Please, just open up to me this one time.” Mom’s face wrinkled in pain. I didn’t relent. �śYou’ve always told me that I can tell you anything; that you don’t want there to ever be secrets between us. But why should I tell you everything if I know you’re not doing the same for me.” She looked at the floor. �śI want you to feel like you can trust me, but some things are too painful to talk about.� It took everything I had to get over your father. It’s not a good idea to stir up those feelings again.” I grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the bed. �śI heard it’s not good to bottle things up inside either. If you talk about it and let it out, you might actually feel better; and if not, then I promise I’ll never bring it up again. We can pretend it never happened.” She sat on the edge of the mattress with a sigh. �śI know you were little, but do you remember how hard it was for me when your grandparents died? They were the only family I had besides you.” My memories were blurry, but I did remember it was a difficult time. Suddenly I put two and two together and realized why my emotions had been triggered at the book store yesterday. The song playing at the store was the same song that was sung at my grandparents’ funeral. My mom must have listened to it a thousand times the month after they died. A few suppressed memories managed their way to the surface. They were mostly vague images and flashes in my mind; a crowd of people staring as I clutched my mother’s hand and walked up the isle of a small church, gathered adults speaking in hushed tones over my head, taking a ride to what seemed like a strange park that I now understood was the gravesite, being given two flowers and urged to place one atop each of my grandparents’ caskets. I remembered my mom crying�"so much crying. There were people at our house, coming and going, bringing us food and talking with my mom for what seemed like hours. After a while the people stopped coming and all that was left was me and my mom. The house felt strangely cold and empty. I remembered waking up that night alone and running fearfully to my mother’s room. I found her lying in bed with the light on, curled in a ball, fresh tears on her pillow. I climbed up beside her. Her arm wrapped around me without speaking. I didn’t quite understand what happened at the time, but I did understand my mom was sad. She hugged me tight for a moment as a few quiet sobs shook me from behind. Then her crying stopped. She quietly sang the song from the funeral, the one I heard at the bookstore, stroking my hair until I drifted to sleep. My mind shifted back to the present. �śI remember a few things,” I said. �śI remember how sad you were for a while.” Mom’s tone was rigid. �śThat was nothing compared to when your father left. If you thought that was sad, losing him was a hundred times worse.” �śYou must have loved him a lot.” �śI can’t explain it,” she said, expression grave. �śIt was like I died inside. I didn’t think I would be able to go on. It was too painful to exist without him.” �śI’m sorry, Mom.” �śMy parents were the only reason I was able to keep going, at least at first. I was a complete mess, but they did everything they could to help me. Your grandma came over every day to take care of me, forcing me to eat and get out of bed. I would’ve lost my job if it wasn’t for your grandpa and his connections at the hospital.” �śSo how did you finally get over it?” I asked. �śWhen I found out I was pregnant, everything changed. It was like I still had a small part of him here with me. When you were born, I stared down into your helpless little eyes and suddenly I had a reason to live again.” I paused a moment and gazed at her, smiling. She gave me reason to live too. �śSo, what about the good parts?” I said. Her brows pinched together. �śWhat do you mean?” �śIf you were madly in love then there had to be some really good times, before he left. I want to hear about the good stuff. Like, how did you guys meet?” She smiled faintly. �śThere were definitely good times. I guess the truth’s not too far from the simplified version I used to tell you as a child. I met Lin, your father, at the hospital. You know he spelled his with an i, not a y.” �śI know his name, Mom.” She shook her head. �śAnyway, he was visiting a sick patient in the hospital during one of my shifts. I walked in the room and I saw him�Śhe took my breath away. He had the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen. But they looked so sad, I couldn’t help myself. We’d never met, but I walked right up to him and hugged him.” �śWhat did he do?” I asked surprised. She smiled as if reliving the moment. �śHe hugged me back.” �śReally?” I said becoming more intrigued. I couldn’t believe she was finally talking to me about this.� �śI remember thinking how strange it was,” she said. �śTo feel so connected to someone I was just meeting for the first time. It was amazing. It felt almost like�"like magic.” I didn’t think it was strange at all. I knew exactly how she felt. �śSo did you guys talk? Did he ask you out on a date or something?” �śWell not exactly. We talked in the hospital room for a while. The patient’s name was Frank. He was in a coma and there didn’t seem to be much hope for him.” She shifted her other leg on the bed. �śI’m glad I changed departments when I went back to work at the hospital. I don’t think my heart could survive Intensive Care anymore. I tried to offer comfort to Lin, but somehow he was the one that ended up comforting me.” I chuckled. �śI’d like to say I’m surprised, but I know you too well. You care so much for your patients.” She couldn’t deny it, so she nodded in agreement. �śHe seemed so sure of himself,” she continued. �śHe assured me that Frank would recover. I thought he was just in denial, but his resolve couldn’t be shaken. And sure enough, within a few weeks Frank was awake and moving around again. It seemed like a miracle to me, but Lin seemed to know all along.” Her description of Frank’s recovery made me think of my own miraculous healing. His may have taken longer than mine, but we both had been in bad enough shape that it seemed impossible to recover�"and yet we both did. His miracle sounded like the work of a Keeper, just like mine. If I was right, could that be the same Keeper who healed my mother from her cancer? �śSo during all those weeks did you see Dad again?” �śEvery day,” she said with a hint of whimsy. �śThat first night I got called out of the room and had to go back to work. I remember being so worried I would never see him again, but when I walked out to my car at the end of my shift, he was waiting for me. After that we spent every free moment together, talking, laughing, walking on the beach�Ś” �śWow, Mom; that sounds so romantic.” She rested her chin in her palm. �śIt was. It was the most amazing two months of my life.” �śI just don’t get it. Why would he leave?” I said. �śIt sounds like you guys were so in love.” �śBelieve me, I’ve been asking myself the same thing for eighteen years.” �śDidn’t he give any hints?” I asked, frustrated. �śWas he from around here? Did he have to leave for work or something?” She laughed without humor. �śI don’t really know. Honestly, I barely knew Lin. I didn’t know where he was from, what he did for work, if he had family. I probably tried to ask at some point, but he always had this way of sweeping me off my feet and making me forget I asked in the first place. He was just so exciting and romantic�Śand thoughtful and kind. I couldn’t get enough. I guess that was all I needed to know.” �śHe sounds like a wonderful person,” I said. �śI wish I had the chance to know him.” � She patted my back. �śHe really was. But the whole thing was probably stupid of me. From the beginning I was setting myself up to get hurt. I was just a silly girl in love.” �śI don’t think it was stupid,” I said. �śI think love makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do.” �śMaybe you’re right, but it’s all in the past now.” �śHe didn’t say anything before he left? He didn’t even say goodbye?” �śNo,” she sighed. �śWe went to bed in each other’s arms and when I woke in the morning my arms were empty.” �śWhat about the note and the flower from your bedtime story. Was that stuff all true?” �śHold on,” she said. She stood and walked to her closet, returning with a small wooden box, a carving of a flower at the center of the lid. �śYour grandpa made this box,” she said. �śReally? Wow, good job grandpa.” She held it out to me. �śHere, open it.” I pulled the top gently off the box. Atop the red velvet lining was a single, dried flower and a handwritten note. I lifted the brown stem in my fingers. The petals were dingy and wilted but it was clearly the remains of a white rose. A sinking feeling lurched in my stomach. Had I seen this flower before? My mind flashed back to photography class and Mr. Brown’s picture of the colorless rose which had led to horrible emotions. I didn’t want that image in my mind. I shook my head, releasing the thought and turned my attention to the note: � � My dear Leena, � I’m sorry I have to leave. You may not understand, but you’ll be happier this way. Always remember that I love you. No matter where I go, that will never change. � Yours always, Lin � � It was my father’s own words, right on this little card in my hand. I knew he’d meant them for my mom, but for a brief moment I closed my eyes and pictured his voice saying those same sentiments to me.� A small tear drifted down my cheek. I would never get to hear his voice. I dropped the card and looked at my mom. She was watching me carefully, worried about my feelings more than her own. How hard it must have been for her to read these words�"the last words ever spoken to her by her true love. I leaned forward and hugged her with all my strength. It was an embrace full of emotion; pain and sympathy for my mother’s loss, gratitude for her willingness to share it with me, and grief for the loss of a father I would never have the privilege to meet. She handed me a tissue from the night stand and took another to blot her eyes. She lifted the white flower from the wooden box. �śThis rose bloomed for almost a month,” she said. �śI stared at it for hours the morning he left. Sometimes I still take it out for a few minutes, to remember.” Before now, the flower was just part of a nice story my mom told me before bed, but as I stared at it in my mother’s hand, the truth sank in. My father gave this rose to her; it bloomed for weeks without water. Rayne’s daisy from the hospital was still in bloom, sitting on my grandmother’s vanity, because of the Healing Water. I saw the sadness in my mother’s eyes and I knew who my father was. She undoubtedly didn’t know it, but he was the Keeper who saved her life from cancer. He was the one who loved her so deeply he couldn’t control his emotions, like a Keeper was supposed to. He was the one who gave her so much Healing Water that she was bonded to him forever, tethered to his heart beyond her own human capacity. This had to be it. It was the only explanation that made sense. He probably had to leave her because he’d sworn an oath�"just like Rayne. He swore to never get emotionally attached to those he healed and to never tell anyone the truth about who he really was. That had to be why he never told her anything about himself. The scenario played through my mind like a great tragedy. The whole thing didn’t seem fair. What was so great about the Keeper oath anyway? How could that be so important it would be worth deserting the one you love? How could anything in this world be more important than that? I felt a new respect for my mom because she’d survived this injustice. She may not have made the leap in allowing a new love into her heart, but she’d found a way to move on, to be happy; and she’d found a way to make others happy as well. �śYou’re amazing, you know that,” I said to her. She looked at me with half a smile. �śWell, I don’t know about that.” �śSeriously, Mom, you’re like my inspiration.” �śOh honey, you’re too good to me,” she said. She put the card and flower back in the wooden box, to bury deep away in the closet again. She came back and grabbed a bottle of nail polish off the floor. �śDo you like this color?” she said cheerfully, as if our painful conversation had never happened. Just like that, she was back to her happy self. �śSure, that one’s nice,” I said, but my mind was still worrying about my mom’s happiness. She waved me over and took my fingertips to begin painting. She finished the first nail and held up my hand. �śThat will look great with your blue shirt at the dance, don’t you think?” �śYeah, great,” I said, still distracted. My senior year was practically half over. What if I decide to go to college next year; or travel or find a job? No matter what I end up doing, I would move out eventually. Then my mom would be all alone. The likelihood my father would ever come back was miniscule. Maybe she just didn’t realize how much happier she could be with someone to come home to at night, even if it wasn’t him. It was time for me to convince her. She finished painting my right hand and moved on to my left. �śThat was nice of Dr. Jensen to help you fix up the living room,” I said. �śYeah, Mark’s a nice guy.” I decided not to beat around the bush. �śMom, you know he likes you, right?” �śWe’re just friends, honey.” �śI know, but he actually told me straight out at the hospital that he wants to date you.” She stopped and looked up from my hand. �śHe told you that?” �śYeah,” I said, with accusation in my tone.� �śHe also told me that you shot him down hard.” She acted casual. �śWell, I’d probably end up hurting his feelings, so I thought I’d save him the trouble.” I frowned. �śI know we just had this whole conversation about how much you loved my father, but as much as it sucks, I don’t think he’s coming back.” �śYou think I don’t know that?” she scolded. She straightened her back. �śI’m happy the way things are. I like it here just the two of us.” �śWell, what happens if I decide to go off to school somewhere far away or get married or something?” �śOh honey, please tell me you’re not thinking of getting married. Don’t get me wrong, Rayne is darling, but I doubt you’re ready for such a big step.” I stared at her blinking as the ridiculous words kept pouring from her mouth. �śOf course my parents were barely your age when they got married and they turned out fine�"” I had to stop her insanity. �śMom,” I cut in. �śI’m definitely not thinking about getting married. That was hypothetical. I just meant I’m going to feel bad leaving you here all alone when it’s time for me to grow up and move out.” �śYou don’t need to feel bad,” she said. �śI’m a grown woman; I can take care of myself.” �śI’m going to feel bad whether you tell me to or not. You seriously think you’ll be happy coming home every night to an empty house with no one to talk to? You don’t think you’ll be lonely without me?” She pinched my cheek like a child. �śSadie-bear, I’m going to miss you tons when you leave. But I have my friends, and a wonderful job where I talk to people all day long. I’ll be fine.” �śWill you at least consider going on a date with Dr. Jensen? You can’t know if you do or don’t like him until you give him a real chance,” I said. �śAnd talking to each other at work doesn’t count. It’s not the same as going on a real date.” �śI don’t know. He’s a nice guy and all�Ś” I gave her a stern look. �śWho volunteered to drive you home late at night anytime you wanted to ride your bike to work?” She hesitated. �śMark did.” �śAnd who finishes the job every time you get in over your head with a home improvement project?” �śMark,” she relented. �śAnd who was there with a shoulder to cry on, when I was hurt in the hospital?” She grimaced. �śYes, I get it; he’s a very good friend.” �śThe problem is, he doesn’t want to be your friend. I saw his face, Mom. He’s hurting over you. He’s going to give up soon, and when he does, he’s probably not going to stick around. Just keep that in mind.” She pondered over my words. For once it seemed like they started to sink in. �śI didn’t think about that,” she said. �śFine, I’ll consider going on a date with Mark.” She grabbed my foot with a mischievous smile. �śTime for your pedicure�Ś” Next thing I knew my feet were attacked by tickles. � � � � � � 23. INDEPENDENCE� � � � � � I stared at the darkened ceiling from my pillow. Sleep wouldn’t come to me. Everything my mom said about my father somehow reminded me of Rayne; his secrets, his mysterious ways, his kind and thoughtful nature, his need to run away from emotions. Usually talking to my mom would give me a positive outlook on things, but this time I was left feeling pensive and almost melancholy. It wasn’t her fault though; an innocent bystander sucked into unfair circumstances. All she’d done was given someone her love. I believed my father truly loved her in return, but he still decided to leave. Would Rayne do the same? Yes, he would. All he talked about was doing his duty and keeping his oath. I’d practically begged him to stay with me and he only agreed because he hadn’t thought of a better solution yet. He was just humoring me, trying to keep me from messing up his job to protect me. Even if he loved me to some degree, eventually he would choose to leave me. I struggled to suppress the strong feelings inside me. Rayne was already engrained deep in the fibers of my soul, just like my father was in my mom’s. But I had an advantage; I had a lot more information than she did. I would protect myself from the hurt my mother suffered. With a greater understanding of the power of the Healing Water, I would find a way to separate myself from the forced emotions. Even if I couldn’t get rid of the feelings completely, at least I could choose not to act upon them. I couldn’t let them influence my decisions. I was determined to stay in control of my own feelings. I didn’t contact Rayne to wish him goodnight and I decided not to talk to him before school tomorrow either. That seemed like a good first step, to bring some distance between us. Hopefully it would allow me to stop hanging on every moment we were apart. The next time I would see him I would tell him I’d changed my mind, that I didn’t need him to coddle me like a baby anymore. He was free to do his job and I would promise not to get in the way, as long as he would promise to keep his distance. He would have to let me go on and live my life. It would be better that way for both of us. I didn’t want to end up like my mother. The next morning I took extra care to show my mom how much I appreciated her. For the first time in my life I’d set the alarm half an hour early with plans to beat her to the kitchen to cook breakfast. I barely made it in time. I was just taking the eggs out of the fridge when she brightened the room with her presence. �śSomeone was up early this morning,” she hinted. �śDon’t even think about coming in here,” I said. �śI’m making breakfast for you today.” �śSweetie, you don’t have to do that.” I pointed a spatula at her nose. �śI’m not taking no for an answer. Now go sit down and relax.” �śOkay, okay, I’m going,” she said. I felt strangely tired after cooking breakfast; I wasn’t sure why. All I’d done was thrown together some scrambled eggs and toast. For a moment I felt a tinge of sadness too. Maybe it was my body trying to remind me I missed Rayne. I did my best to ignore it though. I wasn’t about to let emotions get the better of me today. Instead I channeled all my feelings towards my mom. Before I left for school I gave her one of the longest hugs in history. �śHave a good day,” I said with extra sincerity. �śIt’s too bad you have to work this weekend, it would’ve been nice if we could spend more time together like last night.” �śDon’t you have the dance to go to on Saturday?” she asked. I hadn’t thought about the dance today; that was going to be a tough night. I would have to work twice as hard to keep my emotions in control, what with all the dancing and romance in the air. �śYeah, I guess I’ll be gone that night anyway,” I said. �śWe’ll still see each other in the morning,” she offered. �śI know�Śwhy don’t we go out to breakfast on Saturday? We can go to the little café you like on the peninsula.” My face lit up at the idea. �śOnly if I get to ride the ferry across the harbor.” It took twice as long to get there when we took the ferry instead of driving, but stopping to enjoy the scenery of the harbor was half the fun; it made breakfast seem like a special day trip. �śWe can’t break tradition,” Mom agreed. �śGreat; can’t wait.” I kissed her on the cheek and left for school. Heather walked me to first period while updating me on her relationship with Nick; what was going well, how much they’d made out, and what things she was confused about�"like when was the right time to take things to the next level. To me, moving that fast seemed totally crazy, but I wasn’t the best person to ask for relationship advice, especially when it came to the physical stuff. I’d never even kissed a boy before. And who was I to talk anyway; I’d practically decided I was head over heels in love with Rayne after knowing him for only a few hours. Even with the bonding effect from the Healing Water, I should have been able to figure out that the idea was completely ridiculous. But Heather insisted on my opinion, so I just told her to be herself and not give it up too soon; to make sure Nick liked her for her and not just because he was getting some action. I really had no idea what I was talking about. It may have even been an exact quote from a line in a movie I’d seen, but either way Heather seemed to appreciate my attempt. Math class drained the life right out of me, even more than usual. I should’ve known it wouldn’t be easy to keep Rayne off my mind. I fought to keep a clear head and focus, but his face wouldn’t leave my thoughts; his golden skin, his crystal green eyes, the waves in his thick hair. I pushed the thoughts back as best I could, but it was almost physically exhausting to do so. By the end of second period I wasn’t just frustrated and tired, I was angry; angry with myself for being so weak, for allowing the emotions to have such an influence over me; and even angry at Rayne for allowing me to feel so strongly about him. I eyed the purple diary sitting on my desk. Why did I even bring it with me? Was I trying to torture myself? The light on top that signaled a message was dark, so obviously Rayne was having no problem resisting the chance to talk to me. Why couldn’t I do the same? I sat at the desk ignoring my teacher and fidgeted with the chain hanging down my chest. I wore the crystal necklace today, thinking the Healing Water would help strengthen me in my quest for emotional independence, but it started to feel more like a noose around my neck. The more I struggled to pull myself mentally free, the tighter it cinched around my skin, cutting off my lungs from breath. Of course it wasn’t physically choking me, but I tore it off my neck anyway, stuffing it in the pocket of my jeans. As soon as the bell rang I flew from my chair towards fresh air. The pathways filled with students all around me, but they were all a blur. Couldn’t I go one full day without needing him? I thought about calling my mom. Maybe talking to her would ease my mind, or at least distract me. I quickly pulled my cell phone out and dialed her number but she didn’t answer. I shoved the phone back in my pocket with a groan and took in a few deep breaths. I felt frozen, standing aimlessly in the middle of the school, my legs growing weaker every second. Why was it that whenever my emotions started to spin, my body seemed to follow? Just as I was about to resort to sitting right in the middle of the sidewalk, I heard my name through the daze of students. I shook my head. �śHuh?” I mumbled, searching for the source of the voice. �śI said�Śhey, Sadie,” came the voice from behind. I turned slowly and found myself taking a step back. �śEmily, hi,” I said, trying to force a smile. Emily Reese was standing way too close to my personal bubble, at least for today. She also was one of the burliest girls at our school and a little bit scary. It wasn’t like I had anything personally against her. She was just really big and tough-looking for a girl. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to chit chat, but she had always been nice to me. I tried to be friendly and put on a happy face. �śSo how are you?” I asked her. �śAnything new?” �śIt’s just M now.” My eyes shifted to the side. �śUh, I don’t get it.” �śMy name,” she said. �śOh, Em�Ślike short for Emily.” She pointed to a black patch sewn on the breast of her camouflage jacket. It was in the shape of a large letter M. �śNo, just M, like the letter,” she said. I pressed my lips together and forced them into what I hoped was a smile. �śCool,” I said nervously. I wasn’t sure what it was that seemed so creepy about this girl. I didn’t want to think something so mean, but she was making it really tough not to. My legs wobbled. I wasn’t sure if it was the whole emotional weakness thing or just my nerves around Emily, or M, I should say. I took another step back. �śWell, it was good to see you.” Before I could make my exit Emily spoke again. �śI see you’re still enjoying my diary.” I looked down at the books cradled in my arms, confused. For a moment I was tongue-tied. �śYou should see your face,” Emily laughed. �śI’m just messing with you. You know, because I was the one who gave it to you back in like first grade or something; for your birthday, remember?” I shrugged. �śReally? That was from you?” �śYou were lucky I even gave it to you,” she joked. �śI was?” She chuckled. �śYeah. I tried to steal it, but my mom caught me.” �śWhy would you want to steal a blank diary?” Her tone was aloof. �śI don’t know. So I could say I stole something I guess.” �śWell since you were the one who bought it, you really just tried to steal it from yourself,” I said.” �śActually, I wasn’t the one who bought it.” �śBut I thought you said�Ś” I paused. She wasn’t making sense. �śSo if it wasn’t you, who bought it then?” Emily smiled wryly. �śI think it was some neighbor kid that lived across the street. My mom was yacking away in the yard with some other mom, boring me to tears, so I started wandering. I ran into this older kid that asked me to give a present to you. He said his little sister was sick and couldn’t come to your party. So of course I opened it once he was gone and tried to hide it up my shirt.” She rolled her eyes. �śBut my mom figured it out.” �śA boy told you to give that diary to me?” �śYep, I wonder if that guy still lives across the street from you,” she said, lifting her eyebrows. �śThat kid was a stone cold fox, if you know what I mean. He can undress me with those sassy green eyes any time he wants.” I laughed without humor as the bell rang. �śUm, I better get to class,” I said. Suddenly I knew how the saying saved by the bell was invented. I staggered in the opposite direction, a burst of heat filling my ears and cheeks. For some reason Emily’s words stung me like a swarm of killer bees; the diary, the hot guy across the street, the sassy green eyes�"it was Rayne. It had to be him. He was there on my seventh birthday planting the diary on Emily Reese to hopefully spy on me. Frustration jolted through my limbs causing me to fumble down the walkway. Who cared if it was Rayne? Why was I even upset about it? I knew all this time he had a high-tech copy of my diary. Why did Emily’s story bother me? I eased myself down on a bench near the school entrance, hoping to slow the spinning in my head. Suddenly I felt the urge to scream, but what came out was more of a pitiful yelp. It was me I was mad at; because I didn’t figure it out before. After all Rayne had told me, I still thought he created the copy of my diary within the last couple of months, even though he already said he’d been here since I was seven years old. It was a trivial and insignificant detail, but somehow it still drove me insane. It was just one more thing I wasn’t able to figure out on my own. One more thing that Rayne knew and I didn’t. It was one more thing to make me feel insecure, vulnerable and utterly dependent on him for all the answers. To make matters worse, what I wished for more than anything else was for him to be with me right now. I wanted him to hug me and stroke my hair until everything felt right again. I found myself staring at the open diary with a pen in my hand as I fought to suppress the urge to contact him. You can get through this without him, I told myself. My clenched hand hovered over the book until the world around me became so blurred I could barely see straight. I could feel my body getting weaker. I reached a shaky hand in my pocket and pulled out the crystal necklace I’d removed during class. Maybe it would somehow work better if it was closer to my heart. Once I had it over my head, I tucked it back safely under my shirt. Then I turned around on the bench to face the wall, thinking there would be less objects in front of me to spin, but it was too late. My stomach turned into pretzels. I longed for solid ground. I wanted to fight it, but I knew this feeling from past experience�"I was going to pass out. As much as I wanted to resist crying out to Rayne for help, I knew he was the only one who could help me. I tried to steady the diary in my unstable lap and pressed the pen between my fingers. I managed only one word in the book before my body fell limp: � � HELP � � There was a slight hum in my ears when I came to. I rolled over dreamily in my seat to find Rayne’s creased face glancing back and forth from me to the road. For a split second I couldn’t remember how I’d ended up asleep in Rayne’s car, but the entire morning came back to me quickly. �śWell, here you are to save the day again,” I said weakly, with a hint of sarcasm. He smiled. �śJust rest for a few minutes, when you’re feeling up to it, I’ll pull over somewhere to talk.” I still felt worn out so I didn’t object. He held his right hand towards me and I wanted to ignore it, but it looked too comforting to resist. I let his fingers curl over mine. �śWould some music make you feel better?” he offered. �śNo, no music,” I said. �śI think I could use the quiet right now.” After I took a few minutes to breath, I shifted my feet beneath me and felt an object break their path. Leaning over the seat I noticed my school books and gathered them up to move out of the way. �śWhere’s my diary?” I asked when I couldn’t find it with the others. �śI didn’t see it when I picked you up and I didn’t have time to look for it. It might look a little suspicious for some guy to be carrying you off the school grounds and loading you into his car; so I was sort of in a hurry.” �śGood point,” I said. I took the books and twisted in my chair to fling them to the back seat. Just as I turned I noticed what looked like my diary sitting right in the spot where the books were about to land. �śI guess that one’s your copy,” I said. It came out like an accusation. �śYeah, that one’s mine. We can go back for yours when we pick up your car.” I felt a small scoff escape my lips. Hearing him talk so matter-of-fact about his copy of my diary seemed darkly humorous somehow. I lay my head back on the plush leather headrest and closed my eyes while Rayne drove the opposite direction of my school. I wanted my mind to go blank but it was too full of frustration to cooperate. What was wrong with me? I’d always been completely healthy. I probably hadn’t missed a day of school for being sick in my entire life�"aside from when I had the chicken pox along with half the rest of the school. But now I found myself dizzy, nauseated and passing out on a regular basis. Not to mention sudden fits of emotion and crying. I thought Rayne’s Healing Water was supposed to have fixed me. Didn’t he say he gave me such a large dose that I’d healed faster than even he had expected? Was I experiencing some kind of side effects from too much Healing Water? Something even stronger than the bonding effect between a Keeper and the person they healed? Maybe I was going through withdrawals while the Healing Water cleared out of my system. Then again, I was having these problems long before Rayne had treated me for my accident. Perhaps it was part of the bonding effect. Was my bond to Rayne so strong I became physically ill when we weren’t together? If that were true, then Rayne would have to stay with me all the time, just to keep me functioning. I would literally be dependent on him to survive�"for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to speculate anymore. If anyone knew the answers to my questions it was Rayne. There would be no rest while these questions still went unanswered. I sat up in my seat abruptly. �śWe need to talk.” �śYes, I think we do,” he said. �śLet me look for a good place to pull off.” I surveyed the street in a hurry feeling the pressing need to get everything out of my head as soon as possible. I knew the area well. We were on Pacific Coast Highway heading south through Corona Del Mar. �śI know a place we can go,” I said. �śTurn right down the next street.” I was directing him to a tiny park along Ocean Boulevard located at the far end of a popular beach. It was very small; more like a lookout point than a park. It was this very spot I’d once daydreamed about taking Rayne to; back when I believed I was simply in love with a stranger, not chained to him by some invisible bond. Inspiration Point was a place I’d reserved in my mind for some special moment in my future, maybe a first kiss or romantic stroll with someone I loved. But I wanted answers now and it was the closest place I could think of. It would have to do. Today was gray and chilly. It looked like it could rain at any moment. There weren’t a lot of people outside for recreation, so there was a good chance we would have some privacy. �śPull over here,” I said. Rayne parked along the street lined with large beach homes directly across from the park. As soon as he cut the engine I pushed the door open and hopped out of the car. Rayne rushed after me as I crossed the street. I glance back at him. �śThere’s a spot just down this path.” I crossed a small green area with quick steps as Rayne caught up beside me. We passed two people sitting on a bench near the far side of the grass taking a moment to admire the view�"if you could even call it that today. Both the ocean and the sky were so gray you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. Normally I would pace calmly around the walkway to look over the edge at the beach below, but today I wasn’t there for a relaxing stroll. However, as we circled downhill around the bend in the walkway, the burst of fresh sea air had a somewhat calming effect. My stride slowed as I closed my eyes and let the cool breeze brush my skin. As we reached the stony platform of the lookout area, I was pleased to see we were completely alone. It would be more difficult to discuss things with an audience nearby. I passed the myriad of benches and leaned my arms on the metal railing that separated us from the rocky cliffs and swirling sea below. Rayne stood near me, brushing his arm lightly against mine, looking off into the distance. �śAfter ten years I thought I knew every inch of these beaches, but I never knew this place was here,” he said. I looked out at the stretch of sand and the expansive rock jetty at the mouth of the harbor. �śGrowing up I’d been to that beach more times than I can count, but I only found this little spot last year,” I replied. �śI guess there’s always something new to explore,” he mused. �śAlthough I’d rather go somewhere I could surf. This break is rarely worth the effort.” �śYeah, I don’t really know anyone who comes here to surf,” I said. �śI just remember when I was little, always begging my mom to take me to the beach with the big rock thing. I used to love to climb around out there and explore.” He nodded. �śI know. I remember that.” Rayne’s brilliant eyes smiled at me; they were the only thing around that seemed to shine through the gloomy sky. I gazed into them for a moment wishing his warm arms would wrap around me. I was getting sucked in again, giving in to my irrational desire to make Rayne the center of my universe. I looked away to gain my focus. Where should I start? My original plan was to tell him I needed distance, so I could keep myself from getting hurt like my mom; but was that really going to work? I needed more information first. I needed to know the cause of all these dizzy spells and emotional episodes before I could figure out what to do. I turned and spoke abruptly. �śDo you know what’s wrong with me? I mean, passing out in the middle of school isn’t exactly normal.” He placed a hand on my arm. �śThat’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” �śSo you know what the problem is?” �śNot exactly,” he said. �śBut I’m starting to get a better idea, and�ŚI think it could be a serious problem.” My throat tightened. �śWhat do you think it is?” �śYou already know the reason I’m here has to do with your exposure to the Healing Water before you were born,” he said. I nodded and he continued. �śFor years there never were any complications, you appeared perfectly healthy; there were absolutely no signs of anything unusual.” �śUntil now,” I said. �śYes, well I think now there are definitely signs of complications.” I rubbed my hand over my forehead in frustration. �śDo you think you could be a little more specific?” �śI’m trying. There’s a lot I’m not sure about still.” �śWell, do you think you could try to elaborate just a little? Your best guess?” I said trying to sound more patient. Rayne took a deep breath. �śYou have what we call a Water Connection System. You were born with this because of exposure to large amounts of Healing Water when your mother conceived. It appeared to be completely dormant, which we concluded was due to the absence of Healing Water from your system after the initial event, but now it looks like something may have triggered it to activate.” I squinted. �śWhat’s a Water Connection System?” He took my left wrist in his hand and rubbed his thumb over my birthmark. The color was dark blue again. �śThis is a Watermark,” he explained. �śIt goes by other names too, but that’s the most common. The mark is like the center of your Water System.” He ran his finger from the mark up the center of my arm. �śIt regulates the distribution of Healing Water in your bloodstream, controlling how much is dispersed and how often.” �śSo you’re saying I’ve had this�Śsystem since I was born, but it wasn’t really doing anything until now?” He nodded. �śI think the large dose of water I gave you at the hospital set it off.” �śBut I started having issues before I even met you.” He spoke evenly. �śThe system changes during adolescence, even in one that’s working properly. Hormones in the body trigger a reaction which causes the body to age even slower than before. This probably caused the initial symptoms you had, but the large dose I gave you still seems like the reason for the malfunction.” My brow furrowed. I didn’t like the term he used, and he was starting to sound like a science teacher. �śSo what exactly is the malfunction?” I said. �śI guess it’s a bad thing the Water System turned on?” He shook his head. �śNot normally, but in your case it’s starting to look that way.” Not normally? Even if my water system thing did work, that didn’t sound very normal to me. He was talking like an agent again. I didn’t like it. Rayne responded to the dubious look on my face with more explanation. �śI think the real problem here isn’t that it turned on, but that it appears to be working incorrectly,” he said. �śMy guess is your Watermark is having trouble controlling the disbursement of the Healing Water; it seems like it’s using it up at a rapid rate, rather than slowly releasing it as it should.” My brain was starting to hurt again. The salty air was no longer enough to soothe my straining nerves. �śI’m confused,” I said. �śWhy does it matter how fast or slow my body uses the water. Isn’t it just supposed to heal people? Why would I even need this water system thing? I mean, you give the Healing Water to my mom all the time, and all it does is help her. The effect has to wear off at some point. I don’t see her passing out.” His voice remained calm. He ran his hand over my arm to soothe me. �śYour mother doesn’t have a Watermark. The Healing Water reacts differently in her body. Her eyes don’t turn colors from the water either.” I pulled up my sleeve to examine the mark, the source of all my anxiety. My tone grew short. �śSo I just happen to be the lucky one to be stuck with this stupid thing?” He smoothed a stray hair from my face. I couldn’t understand how he could remain so calm. �śYes, there are limitations, but the Watermark isn’t supposed to be a curse, Sadie. To most it’s considered a blessing and a privilege. We can find a way to make it work for you.” I felt heat well up in my face, my emotions starting to get the better of me. I wanted to cry and yell at the same time. What was he saying? This wasn’t a blessing; it was a catastrophe. Tiny pools of moisture formed in my eyes and I struggled to hold them in. My voice trembled. �śHow would you know? Why don’t you try it and see how you like it.” Suddenly his hands moved rapidly, unstrapping the watch from his arm. His steady demeanor was finally shaken as he plunged his wrist in my face. �śI have tried it. I’m living, breathing proof right here. I’m not pulling this information out of some manual. I’m talking from first-hand experience.” � � � � � � 24. REMORSE� � � � � � My eyes widened. I stared at the glowing, green mark on his arm. �śYou have one too?” I said. He nodded. My heart softened as I pulled his arm close. There was a small tattoo next to the mark on his wrist in the shape of an exotic-looking tree, but I noticed it only a moment, turning my attention back to his Watermark. He had one just like me. Maybe he understood my pain. Only, his mark was different than mine; his glowed brightly while mine was dark as night. No, he didn’t understand. How could he? His mark actually worked. My tone remained dry. �śIs this why they chose you�Śto be assigned to me?” �śNo, this doesn’t set me apart. All Keepers have the Watermark.” He looked out at the crashing sea. �śI’m not sure why I was chosen. I’m nobody special.” He paused a moment then turned back with a warm smile. �śJust lucky I guess.” His gesture went unnoticed. I was too wrapped up in my own self-pity. �śSo I really am some sort of malfunction,” I complained. �śThe only difference between you and me,” he assured, �śis that my Watermark was planned and yours wasn’t. But I’m not going to let this be a problem for you. I’ll figure it out. I promise I’ll take care of you.” I didn’t want him to take care of me. I wanted to take care of myself. �śRight,” I scoffed. �śJust like my father took care of my mom? Are you going to disappear in the middle of the night too?” Rayne’s face went completely white. � I glared at him. �śI have an idea, why don’t you wait until I’m completely all alone and pregnant with your child and then desert me�Śthat seemed to work for him.” He stared at me, stumbling to find the right words. �śSadie�ŚI�ŚI’m really sorry about your father.” �śJust, whatever; forget it,” I said coldly. �śLook, can’t you just turn this Water System off or something? Like, isn’t there some kind of surgery someone can do to remove it?”� He looked at me like I was crazy. �śWhat? No. There’s no turning it off.” That was the last straw. There was nothing I could do to reverse this burden. I had absolutely no control over anything. My whole life was turning into a complete disaster. My arms flew to my head as I stumbled backward. �śI don’t want this. This isn’t happening.” Rayne followed me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. �śIt’s going to be okay.” Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. His arms were like chains holding me captive to some horror I didn’t want to face. I pushed at his grip to free myself. �śCan’t you just give me an inch of space?” I snapped. He took a step back. �śI was just trying to help.” �śWell you can help by giving me room to breathe.” He scowled. �śFine, I’m giving you room.” He stomped to the far end of the platform practically in a run. When he reached the other side he put one hand on the railing and hopped right over the edge. My back stiffened in alarm, worried he was about to jump off the cliff; but he stopped quickly and leaned his back to the rail, folding his arms angrily to his chest. He glanced back once�"probably to make sure I�Śd seen his dramatic display�"then went back to staring at the sea with his back purposely facing me. I’d never seen him get upset like that, but I couldn’t deal with it now. I didn’t want to think about any of this anymore. All I wanted was to get away from here and from him. Before I could even plan it through I found myself fleeing down the walkway in escape. I knew I would never get past Rayne if I ran near him up the path, so I went down instead. My legs lunged one in front of the other towards the edge of the beach below. Just as my feet hit the sand I heard Rayne’s voice calling after me. First it was like a question, as if he were confused where I’d gone. �śSadie?” he called. His voice grew frantic. �śSadie, wait!” I thought I heard his footsteps closing in behind me, kicking my adrenalin to high gear. I ran even faster, like I would if my life depended on it. A car alarm broke through the quiet air in the distance, the chaos of the noise feeling appropriate to the turmoil beating inside my head. As my feet fought to move through the heavy sand I glanced back. There was no one following me. He probably went for his car, so he could beat me to the other side of the beach at the parking lot. Unless�Śhe really wasn’t following me. I stopped and searched up and down the sand. He was nowhere to be seen. For a moment my heart sunk in disappointment. He didn’t come after me. He just let me run away, leaving me to deal with my fears and anxiety alone and helpless. That’s what you wanted, I reminded myself. You should be happy. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, panting to catch my breath. Relief spread through me when I heard the familiar voice on the other end. �śHeather,” I choked. �śCan you come get me?” At least my best friend would come for me. The beach was bleak and deserted. I hugged my arms to my chest, but the chill in the air grew with each dragging step. My shoes weighed me down, caked with sand both inside and out, but I didn’t bother to remove them. I had bigger things to worry about. It was too cold to go barefoot anyway. Something brushed my head. I looked up to the clouds looming above just as the rain started to fall. Perfect, I thought; just perfect. My arm flew instinctively to my head to take cover but my efforts were futile. I ran towards the edge of the parking lot in search of shelter, water soaking through my hair. Why hadn’t I worn a hood today? I ran to the first building in sight, a snack bar that was closed for the season, and huddled under the edge of the awning. Then I waited, miserable and wet, for Heather to arrive. It felt like an eternity as I sat and shivered, curled in a ball to keep warm. The gray sky encompassed me, like I would blend right in until I disappeared. The ache felt different than in the past though. It wasn’t the strange emptiness that forced itself upon me without reason, like I experienced during my crazy spells. No, this was different. These feelings were real. Anger, frustration, insecurity, helplessness; this time I actually had a reason to be upset, to feel all these horrible emotions. I didn’t want to change who I was. I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with me, that I was a malfunction. Why was this happening to me? I didn’t want to be dependent on Rayne or his water to survive. I wasn’t sure I could even trust him to stick around for long. I’m not a person who gets sick, I thought. I’m not weak. I don’t rely on stupid boys to make me happy. That isn’t me. I’m Sadie James. I’m healthy and happy and carefree. I’m confident in myself. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ve always been. My shoulders lifted from their slump with anticipation when a car came into view from the entrance. Although it wasn’t Heather’s car I hoped to see�"it was Rayne’s. Why was he always taking over my head? Unfortunately, it wasn’t Rayne or Heather. I went back to hugging my legs to my chest and wallowing in discomfort. I analyzed my conversation with Rayne up on the lookout platform. What was wrong with me? It wasn’t like me to get in fights with people and run off in a tantrum. I always got along with everyone. I loved being around people. Maybe I just didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. Logic and emotion raged a battle inside my head. Should I let myself depend on Rayne or shield myself from possible hurt in the future? Should I ignore my need to be near him or give in to my longings, even if they were fabricated by the Healing Water? My emotions wanted to pretend everything was like it used to be, to ignore my problems and run away from them; but logic told me I had to face the truth. I had to be tough, suck it up and deal with the things I couldn’t control. I had to find a way to survive, like my mother did when my father left her. Suddenly I found determination. Thinking of her gave me strength. If she could do it, so could I. Rayne’s car never emerged from the steep bend above the entrance, but finally Heather’s car rolled into view. She glanced up and down my dripping exterior with concern. �śWhat happened to you?” she said as she cranked on the heater. �śLike, just looking at you is making me cold. And since when do you skip class anyway?” �śI know,” I sighed as we left the beach behind us. �śThis whole day has been one big disaster.” �śI saw your car when I left school,” she said. �śHow did you even get out here?” I closed my eyes and dropped my head back in the seat. �śI was with Rayne. We sort of got in a fight. It was really just me getting mad at him for trying to help me though. I’m a total idiot.” Tiny lines wrinkled her forehead. �śWhy? What happened? You have to tell me everything.” I wanted to tell her everything, but of course I couldn’t do that. �śIt’s a long story,” I grimaced. �śThings are always so complicated with him. I don’t know; maybe I’m just scared of getting hurt, you know what I mean?” I laughed once under my breath. �śHe must think I’m so immature.” �śNo, I’m sure he doesn’t think that,” she said in a consoling tone. �śI ran away from him, Heather. All he was trying to do was talk to me about something important and I actually�Śliterally�Śran away.” The thought sounded so infantile I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh at myself or burst into tears. �śSo you like to play hard to get,” she joked. She looked at me with lifted eyebrows. �śThat just makes guys want you more.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I relaxed a bit as the hot air warmed my tense muscles. �śYou know what the worst part is?” I sighed. �śHe didn’t chase after me. I really thought he was going to.” �śHe probably just wanted to give you space, like, to give you time to think.” �śMaybe. Actually, I think I do need time alone to think.” Heather drove us back to the school but I sent her to class without me. I decided I would go for a drive to clear my head, but first I stopped to look for my diary. I circled around the bench where I’d fainted earlier that day and was thoroughly relieved when I noticed it lodged under a nearby bush. The edges were a little wet from the rain, but the leather binding kept it surprisingly dry. I hugged the book to my chest. It would’ve been mortifying if another student found my diary. And it was my main source of communication with Rayne�"if I decided I still wanted to talk to him. Deep down, I knew there was a good chance I did. I was already feeling the regret of my decision to run, and I knew no matter what I decided, I would at least be adult enough to tell him in person. I drove aimlessly through town and down the highway. I wasn’t ready to make any decisions just yet. I wanted to listen to music, to lose myself in singing and let the melodies carry all thoughts from my head, but I realized I didn’t even have my player in the car. I’d forgotten it at the school. It was still sitting in my locker. That meant I’d forgotten my wallet too. I immediately slowed down, not wanting to chance getting pulled over by a cop while driving without a license. A faint chime rang from my pocket. At least I had my phone with me. I pulled off to the side of the road and looked at the screen. It was a message from my mother. She wanted to know why Rayne would have reason to come to our house, seeming somewhat upset and looking for me during the middle of school. I didn’t answer her back. I’d either have to lie to my mom about my whole morning or relive the entire dreadful experience by telling her all about it. Either way I’d have to use a lot of brain energy to edit out all the parts she wasn’t supposed to know. All of the options sounded way too exhausting. Instead I ignored her all together, throwing my phone in the passenger seat with a groan. There was one good thing that came from her message. At least I knew Rayne was looking for me; that meant he couldn’t be too angry. I wondered why he wasn’t able to find me. Didn’t he always have me located on some kind of tracking device? Then I remembered; he told me the tracker was in my wallet, the wallet still sitting in my locker at school. I felt suddenly guilty for leaving Rayne with no way to keep track of me. It was his job to protect me after all and I wasn’t making his job very easy. But if he truly was that concerned, why didn’t he run after me at the beach in the first place? Something seemed off about the whole thing. If he really was worried, couldn’t he send me a note in the diary? Of course, for all he knew, my copy of the diary was lost or in the hands of some stranger at my school. He could try calling my phone though, couldn’t he? Why would he go to my house and worry my mother? I should probably just call him. Even if I hadn’t sorted through all my feelings yet, it would be better to talk things out. It felt like the initial shock had worn off and I could talk to him more rationally now. I should apologize; give him a chance to finish explaining things. I didn’t like the contention between us. And truthfully, I was already starting to miss him. What answers could I come up with on my own anyway? I needed Rayne’s help more now than ever before; at least to figure out what to do with my malfunctioning body. Things were what they were. I had to accept the challenge life was throwing at me and face it head on. I would contact Rayne right away and get this whole thing sorted out. I wondered if I should contact him through the diary, if he would even be watching it when there was a good chance he thought it was lost. But he did always mention I should avoid calling his phone, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try the diary first. If there was no answer then I could try calling or go to his house and see if he was there. I fumbled through the glove box in search of a pen. To my surprise, just as I was reaching for my diary the tiny purple bulb illuminated. A grin spread across my face�"it was as if he read my mind. I flipped the pages quickly and found the message: � � WE NEED TO TALK. MEET ME AT WAHOO’S ON PLACENTIA AVE. ASAP. � � It seemed like an odd place to meet. You would think he’d want some privacy to talk about such sensitive subjects. Maybe he thought taking me to a public place lowered the chance I would react badly again or make a scene. Or maybe this was some sort of peace offering. I knew I mentioned somewhere in my diary that Wahoo’s was my favorite place to get tacos, so Rayne was sure to know about. He could be trying to do something nice to make me feel better. I wrote back that I was on my way. As I drove up outside the restaurant it was crowded with cars. I rolled slowly through the lot examining each parking spot in search of Rayne’s Range Rover. By the time I reached the back of the lot I still hadn’t spotted him anywhere. Maybe I beat him here by a few minutes. I circled around to the front one more time, but still couldn’t find him. Was it possible he was driving a different car for some reason? I decided to park a little while and wait; if I didn’t see his car after a few more minutes I would go inside the restaurant to look for him. There weren’t any open stalls near the entrance so I found a spot near the back. I glanced in the mirror and was suddenly glad Rayne wasn’t here yet. I looked awful. I rubbed away the smears in my makeup and found an elastic band to pull back my damp hair. The improvements were minimal, but at least it was better than before. Several more minutes passed and still no sign of him; so I turned off my car to look for him inside. The rain had stopped, but the afternoon sky hovered dark and gloomy. I glanced around as I crossed the lot still hoping Rayne’s face might appear from the shadows. I started passing through the tiny space between a parked truck and a large SUV. But suddenly my feet stopped. Something didn’t feel right. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I could sense something was wrong. A picture of Rayne’s face flashed through my mind. I reached in my pocket for my cell phone to call him, but my pocket was empty. My phone was in the car, sitting on the passenger seat. I turned quickly around to run back. Then I saw them. Two wretched, black eyes blocked my path, only inches from mine. Every one of my muscles froze. Adrenalin shot through my veins with fear as I recognized the face. This was the man Rayne warned me about; the one that grabbed my arm in front of Rayne’s house. I was told to run if I ever saw this man again. I turned away instantly, attempting to flee, but the dark man pounced too fast, like a panther in the night. His unrelenting arms clenched around my neck as I struggled to break loose. I tried to scream but nothing came out. There was no cry for help; I could barely breathe. My hands moved frantically. They fought for release from the pain, intense pain that swallowed my neck and pierced down my spine. My struggle was useless. The world faded around me as energy drained from my limbs and my legs lost their strength to support me. My arms fell limp. The panic faded to black. � � � � � � 25. GRAY� � � � � � My eyes flashed open in alarm, heart beating with rapid thumps. It wasn’t cold, but my body shivered. Where was I? How long was I unconscious? I could be half way across the world for all I knew. My torso bolted upright from the mat where I lay, my neck snapping from side to side. I was in a small room, unfamiliar and empty. It felt strangely clean, almost to the point of being sterile. The walls were blank and gray. The few contents in the room were all made of shiny, silver metal aside from something in the corner that I assumed was a door. The door looked almost like it was made of frosted glass, but I couldn’t see through it. I bounded from the bed to my feet and lunged towards it. My hands circled over the bumpy material searching for a way out. It was covered with a strange pattern, like a tangle of vines, but I couldn’t find any sort of button or handle to get it open. I banged my fists furiously, wishing it would shatter in pieces. I kicked it again and again, grunting with each blow, but the surface remained unscathed. I scoured the small room for something to hit it with or throw at it. There was nothing hard in sight, just a flimsy mattress and a roll of tissue. I yanked and kicked at the metal platform of the bed but it was immovable, bolted to the wall. The silver sink in the corner was just as sturdy. There weren’t even any visible pipes. It was pointless. I ripped off my shoe in frustration and threw it at the door, then watched it bounce to the ground with a thud. My back slid down the wall to my feet, leaving my body slumped in a heap. Reality began to set in. I was trapped. I hid my face in my hands as tears poured out in streams.� Why? Why was I here? What could the black-eyed man possibly want from me? There was a strange noise just a few feet away, like a loud puff of air. My head jerked up in alarm. The door to my prison glided open and disappeared into the side of the wall. The black-eyed man peered at me through the doorway. I scrambled sideways across the floor, trying to get as far away as possible. The door closed at his back, his dead eyes smirking. �śEven a bullet couldn’t break through that door,” he said. �śBut it was entertaining to watch you try.” He glanced up to a corner in the ceiling where a tiny black object was mounted. He must’ve been watching from a camera. My arms shook at the sound of his voice. �śWhy am I here? What do you want?” �śWhat do I want?” He bared his teeth like a rabid dog. �śI want my life back. That’s what I want.” I stiffened. I couldn’t keep myself from shouting back in response. �śWhat does that have to do with me?” He pounced down on one knee, face inches from mine, muscles threatening. �śYou�Śare what we call a bargaining chip.” I inched backward across the floor and whimpered. �śBut I don’t even know who you are.” �śThat’s irrelevant,” he scoffed. �śThe fact is, there are important people who want to protect you, people with power; people�Śwho can give me what I want.” �śPeople? What people?” � His course finger dragged across my cheek. �śI won’t cloud your pretty head with details. Don’t worry; as long as they cooperate you won’t get hurt.” I shoved his hand from my face. �śWhat if I don’t want to cooperate?” He sneered. �śThat’s not an option.” I flinched as his hands clamped around my shoulders, yanking me off the ground. He threw me on the bed, hands still tight around me. A flood of pain hit my head as it knocked against the wall. �śGet your hands off me,” I cried. I plunged my foot towards his face but it never reached the target. His hand bolted to block its path. My leg twisted with pain in his grip sending me back to the ground. The wind knocked out of me as I hit the hard surface with a gasp. His expression shifted, distracted by something. �śWhat do we have here?” he said. He crouched down beside me. My lungs pulsed with shallow breaths as he moved close.� His piercing stare sent my heartbeat into spasms. Black, dead-looking veins plagued the whites of his eyes like a web.� His gaze was fixed on the crystal necklace dangling around my neck. It must’ve fallen out of my shirt when I hit the ground. I bent my face to the side, away from his, as far as my neck would allow. He took the crystal in his palm and examined it. I saw his wrist from the corner of my eye. He had a Watermark too. It was black, dead black�"just like mine was again. Next to his mark there was a horrible scar on his wrist; a mass of mangled skin like a burn that never healed. �śA Water Briolette?” he said, surprised. I inched backward with trembling arms until my head was pinned to the wall. There was nowhere left to go. His stale breath lingered, uncomfortable on my face. �śI have one of these too,” he said. �śOnly, you can’t see it. It’s not mounted on a pretty chain like yours. Mine is in here.” He pointed to his chest and tapped on it. �śSurgically implanted inside my heart. Ingenious, don’t you think?” I didn’t answer. I stared at him dumbfounded with fear. His chuckle was sinister, almost insane.� �śBut you know what they say�Śtwo is better than one.” He lifted the chain from my neck with an eerie smile, mocking me with his hollow, raven eyes. Hot air hit my cheek as he laughed again. �śYou know, you shouldn’t stay away from the water too long. It can make someone like us go insane.” He motioned one finger in circles around his ear, darkly amused. I gawked at him, unable to move. The chain dangled in the air as he admired his newly found prize. �śI suppose this was a gift from your beloved Keeper, Rayne?” he sneered. He continued to reflect on the stone as it waved in the air. �śI guess it’s no surprise; it is rather small and pathetic. My briolette is twice the size. This stone is barely large enough to cure a stuffy nose.” His head jerked away from mine when the door to my cell suddenly opened. A boy about my age stood in the doorway. I saw an elevator door closing behind him from across a large room.� His hair was so dark it was almost black. He had deep, glowing blue eyes, maybe even brighter than Rayne’s. Was he a Keeper? �śWhat’s she doing here?” the boy said.� � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � The man sprung to his feet, still clutching my necklace in his fist. �śThere’s been a change of plans.” He took the chain and pulled it over his head. �śAn opportunity presented itself, so I took it.” �śThis wasn’t part of the deal,” said the boy. �śDon’t you think you’re taking things a little too far?” �śIt’s not like I’m going to hurt her,” the man said. I felt the ache in my side and hoped I would never find out his definition of hurt. The boy looked almost as scared of the man as I was. His tone was hesitant. �śBut kidnapping some innocent girl?” �śWe needed leverage and now we have it. Case closed.” �śBut�Ś” The man folded his arms to his chest. �śIf you have a better idea, by all means, please share�Ś” The boy shook his head, eyes on the floor. The man placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. �śI need to know I can count on you this time. Are you with me or not?” �śI’m with you,” the boy said weakly. The man’s eyes squinted with intimidation. �śI can’t hear you.” Lines of frustration creased the boy’s face, his tone loud and insolent. �śI said I’m with you.” He shoved the man’s hand off his shoulder, pushed passed him, and punched the wall as he stomped out of the room. The man turned to me with an agitated expression. �śI’ll have the boy bring you some food.” Then he turned his back and the door closed behind him. I pried my body off the floor, holding my side to ease the pain. I slid onto the hard bed and tried to relax, hoping to relieve the ache in my head, and wondering where I could possibly be. What was the chance anyone knew where I was or how to find me? From the small glances I caught through the door, I thought I might be in some kind of top-secret facility. The room outside mine was modern and filled with high-tech equipment and electronics. Was this an interrogation room in a spy prison? The security system seemed pretty advanced. I wished I could design an escape plan, but the odds were mounted against me. I had no idea what I was dealing with here. That man rendered me unconscious in just seconds. He could have a whole arsenal of weapons waiting for me beyond these gray walls. I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing though, could I? There was a chance Rayne was coming to help me, but maybe not. He knew more about this black-eyed man than I did, but I didn’t know the extent of Rayne’s training or what resources he had at his disposal. I just didn’t know. I mulled over the little information I had in my mind. I didn’t understand how I fit into the man’s plan. What did he mean he wanted his life back? He said if his demands were met then I wouldn’t get hurt. He told the boy they were going to use me as leverage. As I thought back through what was said earlier, it became clear that the boy was the key. He was the weak link in their plan. He disapproved of the man’s tactics to bring me here. Maybe he even cared if I got hurt, like he actually had a conscience. There was no way I was getting out of here using my own knowledge and strength. My only chance was to use the boy’s emotions to my advantage. When he showed up with the food, I would have to try to say something to get him to help me. Would it be best to outright ask him for help, to plead with him to let me go? Or would that be too easy for him to turn down now that he’d agreed to the man’s plan? Did I need to be more subtle and manipulative? The man had some kind of authority over the boy. He talked down to him. The whoosh of the glass door interrupted my thoughts. There would be no chance to finish planning. I was out of time. I jolted upright on the mattress at his approach. The boy’s blue eyes flickered in my direction for a brief moment then he cast them away. He set a bottle of water and a paper plate with a sandwich on the floor without speaking a word. He turned his back to leave. I had to act quickly. Thinking of smart or witty comments in the heat of the moment wasn’t one of my strengths. I was the type who thought of a great comeback twenty minutes after I needed one and the person it was meant for was already long gone. �śThank you,” I said to his back, but he didn’t so much as flinch at my words. He brushed his fingers in a swirling motion over the pattern in the glass and the door slid open at his command. In a panic I blurted out, �śWhy do you let him talk to you like that?” The boy’s frame froze in the doorway. He turned his head back over his shoulder. �śBecause I’m a screw up,” he muttered. �śI doubt that,” I said. The boy turned to face me in the doorway, arms folded. �śYou don’t know me.” He was right. I knew nothing about him, but he was a lot less intimidating than the black-eyed man was. I barely felt nervous with the boy in the room. �śWell, you don’t seem nearly as screwed up as that other guy,” I said. He scowled. �śHe’s not screwed up. He’s just�Śwell he’s been through a lot, okay?” I shot my hands up defensively. �śOkay, sorry. I just think you have to be pretty deranged to resort to kidnapping an innocent girl.” I was hoping to remind the boy that he agreed with me on the subject. He shook his head. �śI’m sorry but it’s out of my hands.” He turned away again. �śWait, please,” I said. �śYou know this isn’t right. You’re the only one that can help me.” The muscles stiffened under his tailored shirt as he paused in the doorway. For a moment I thought my words had made an impact; but he walked away, letting the door slide closed behind him. It looked like I was on my own. I jumped up from the bed and ran to the door. What was that thing he did with his fingers to open it? Even if I did get it open, the chance of making it out of this place on my own was small, but I had to try. I ran my fingers over the surface attempting to mimic the movements the boy had made. Nothing happened. Maybe an hour had passed. I’d tried every different move I could think of, but the door wouldn’t budge. My fingers felt sore and my body was beginning to weaken. Who knew how long it had been since I last ate. I took the food from off the floor and rested on the bed. After eating, I felt a small increase of energy, so I went back to work on the door. I thought there could be some kind of puzzle hidden in the pattern. I stared at every last swirl in examination but there was no making sense of it. I thought it could require touching certain points at the same time or in a certain order. For hours I moved my hands and fingers over the raised, glass-like surface until my head throbbed. I let my back fall to the bed with defeat. What was there left I could do except hope the boy changed his mind. I said a silent prayer in my heart. Please God, if you’re listening, please help me. It was the only thing left in my power to do. I stared at the ceiling. Something had to happen sometime, right? If they were using me as leverage then they must be contacting someone to make their demands. There had to be things going on outside these walls; some negotiations or threats being made. At some point someone who was on my side would know I was being held hostage. There was still a chance someone would come for me�"Rayne would come for me. I closed my eyes and pictured his face. I imagined him smiling and encouraging me to be strong. Even with my eyes closed I could sense the sudden shift in light. I opened my eyes with a start. The room was black. I couldn’t see my hand when I held it right up to my face. Without any warning the light was turned off in my cell. Was it night? My sense of time was all messed up. I was exhausted though; so tired I didn’t remember falling asleep. I tossed on the mat while nightmares thwarted my rest. The black-eyed man chased and stalked me like prey. No matter where I ran or where I hid, he was always right behind me. It was one long, never-ending pursuit until I finally found myself back in the gray and silver room, my prison cell. The man was there with me. He crept forward in the dark, hands ready to grab me. I wanted to run or scream but I froze in place on the bed. He moved closer, his wild eyes haunting me until his hands clamped around my neck. I fought to breath, struggling to escape, but I couldn’t fight him from choking me. I shot upright on the bed in a panic, grabbing my neck and gasping for air. It was just a dream, I told myself, just a dream. I took deep breaths until they were calm and even. The light clicked on in the room, followed by the puff of the door as it slid open. I shuttered when the man’s black eyes appeared through the opening, just as dreadful as in the dream. I held my breath as he took a few steps into the cell. When he stopped to set a plate of food near the door, I silently let the air slide back out with relief. He didn’t come near me this time. His voice was indifferent. �śBreakfast,” he said, and I was alone again. I eyed the food with disdain, but only due to the nature of its delivery. It actually looked delicious. The spread appeared too fancy for a paper plate. My mom ordered eggs benedict whenever we went out for breakfast, so I recognized the dish right away. There was a small muffin sprinkled with cinnamon and fresh slices of melon. Was I a kidnap victim or a guest at a five star hotel? Had the boy talked the man into being more pleasant to me? My first instinct was to ignore the food in protest, but what would that accomplish? If anything, it would anger the black-eyed man. I didn’t want to give him reason to return to my cell, and after tossing around all night I was starving. After eating, there was nothing left to do but stare at the wall, or at the ceiling, or at the impossible door. Time dragged by. There was no reappearance from the man or the boy. I sat in silence. At first it was nerve-racking, my mind unable to rest. Then it grew into boredom for several hours, until finally settling on hopelessness. I ran my fingers over the mark on my wrist, the symbol of my malfunctioning body. The glossy black surface was not a good sign. If Rayne was correct about my condition, it was only a matter of time before I suffered another episode of physical or emotional instability. It didn’t help that my necklace filled with Healing Water had been stolen from me. A vision of my eyes turning dark and webbed with black veins like the black-eyed man made me cringe. Some of my energy had already faded. I lay on the bed, curled in a ball, waiting; waiting for something unknown. For my rescue? My torture? My body and mind fading to nothing? I hated every minute of it. I hated my helplessness. I began to drift out of consciousness, always waking back in the same unfriendly room. Images in my mind began to blur with reality like a dream. I saw my mother, Heather, and Rayne. Usually they were in safe, familiar places like my house, the hospital, or at school. I took comfort in their loving faces; like beacons lighting my way through a dark tunnel. But soon the calm leached from their expressions. All three of them gathered outside my bulletproof prison cell. They banged their fists on the hard surface, yelling my name. I tried to run to the door but my feet were stuck like cement to the floor. I stood in the center of the cell with an ax in my hand. I fought to swing, to break through the walls to my escape, but the blade never made contact. I awoke on the prison mat and rolled onto my side. A figure sat across the room on the floor with eyes like coal. I shuttered in fear, scrambling back towards the wall. The figure leaned forward out of the shadows and the black eyes turned to sparkling emeralds. My voice wavered. �śRayne? Is that you?” I reached my arm out to him but he didn’t move. His body flickered, starting to fade. He whispered, �śI’ll come for you,” as he disappeared to dust. Time no longer had meaning, my mind lost in confusion. The black-eyed man appeared through the door with a plate. He spoke to me but it came out muffled, like he was underwater. I squinted trying to make sense of him. My body wouldn’t move. I wanted to explain to him about my Watermark, that it was broken and went dark, but my throat faltered. �śWa�Śwater�Ś” was all I could push through my lips. My left hand shook as I fought to slide it towards him. He snatched my arm and held it up, examining the mark. Then he peered into my eyes, lifting my eyelids with his rough fingers. I didn’t like him touching me, but I was too weak to protest. His muffled voice was angry. �śYou can’t be serious,” he said. The sound was like an echo in my head. He thrust my hand to the mat. It dropped like a brick. Then the man’s dark form staggered away through the door. More time passed. I faded in and out, unable to decipher dream from reality. My mind faded to a dark place where truth had no meaning, yet I was strangely aware of it. I sensed the light going dim inside me. I was imprisoned; powerless to fight it. Just as I thought the last glimmer had extinguished from hope, a tiny ray of light finally broke through. A face swayed and teetered a few feet from mine. I tried to focus the blur. The form fell beside me, calling my name. Warm, smooth skin trembled down my cheek and across my shoulder. My glazed expression failed to react, my body numb and unmoving. The eyes were two pinpoints of light through a mist of blackness. My heart longed to follow them, to reach out for them and escape my prison, but I was trapped inside myself. A voice shook, echoing through the thick fog. �śCome back to me. It’s not too late. It can’t be. Come back to me.” The sensation of touch caressed my hand and I managed to pull my gaze towards it.� Silver liquid swirled in my palm then vanished into my skin. The figure moved around me and nudged me upward as he lifted me towards him. How was it I understood this gentle movement, yet I could not respond? He cradled me in his lap and rocked my limp torso, studying my face. �śLook at me,” he said. �śLook into my eyes, Sadie. It’s me�Śit’s Rayne.” A strange panic fled through my veins. I wanted to go to him. I stared up at his eyes unable to move. Lines of pain creased his face. �śThis is all my fault. I promised I’d keep you safe.” I wanted to ease his suffering. I fought to break free, struggling to tear away from the invisible bindings. There was no release. His frantic eyes glistened with tears, begging. �śSadie, please. Don’t leave me. I can’t lose you.” He cupped my neck in his palm and hugged me to his chest, arms clutching me in desperation. His heart thumped like a drum against my cheek and a hand slid to the back of my head pulling me tighter. A quiet sound began to murmur in my ear as I pushed through the dark. His voice quivered as he hummed with broken notes. He sang to me quietly, rocking me in his arms. The words were familiar. They resonated through me, triggering a memory that played through my mind. I pictured the same face�ŚRayne’s face, but it was animated and smiling. He drove in a car, singing the same song, only more cheerful and upbeat; not like the gentle lullaby now whispering in my ear. I was there in my memory, singing with him, so happy, so full of life. I could feel the cheer from my memory lift me upwards. I let the notes soar through my body and push me away from the dense cloud. Relief unleashed the ache in my heart as I broke through the darkness. Rays of light pulsed all around me. Energy vibrated over my limbs. My lips tingled as my voice cracked through the restraints. �śRayne?” I said weakly. He jerked his head at the sound. His eyes went wide with hope as he searched my face. �śYes, it’s me. I’m here.” A strange, painful smile crossed his face, his cheeks streaked with tears. I gazed up at him, a beautiful vision of comfort. Was it real? Was he really here this time? My throat was weak. I had to push out the words. �śAre you�Śa dream?” I couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying. �śNo, this isn’t a dream.” He pulled me back to his chest, squeezing his arms around me. �śYou’re all right, you’re safe now.” I let his presence dispel the fear, using the little energy I had to wrap myself around him. �śYou came for me,” I breathed. He pushed back gently, his expression troubled. �śOf course I did. I will always come for you.” My gaze dropped. I didn’t know if I believed him. I wanted to; I wanted to trust him like my heart told me I could. �śI understand if you don’t believe me,” he said, his head hanging low. �śI’ve let you down so many times. I wish I could be more for you. I wish I could be the superman that you deserve.” He stopped as if at a sudden loss for words and stared at me with sad eyes. I couldn’t take the hurt in his gaze. It tugged at my heart. It spoke to me. There wasn’t anything to forgive. My eyes smiled quietly as I said, �śI believe you.” He returned my gaze and I could feel the bond between us grow stronger. He was truly a part of me. His forehead creased. �śWe’re out of time,” he said. �śI need to get you out of here�"now.” I nodded and clamped my arms around his neck as he scooped me up from the bed. He moved through the open doorway as if carrying a tiny bird whose bones would break at the slightest touch, but I could feel myself growing stronger already. My energy seemed to come back in bounds as we reached the elevator door. �śI think I can walk,” I said. �śAre you sure?” �śYes, I’m sure.” He released me from his arms, letting my legs slide to the ground. I stumbled once but recovered my steps just before Rayne’s hand reached over to catch me. As we waited for the elevator I peered back at the closed door of my prison cell, remembering the hours I spent rubbing my fingers raw and struggling to figure out the secret to getting it open. �śHow did you open that door?” I asked, gesturing towards it. He shot a quick glance over his shoulder. �śThat’s some pretty high-tech material. It’s programmed to scan fingerprints and DNA at the same time. There are only two people alive who can access it.” He turned back to the elevator and jammed his fist impatiently to the button a few more times. Even though he didn’t say it out loud, I had a pretty good idea who those two people were who could access the door, and Rayne wasn’t one of them. �śSo then, how did you�"” I said, but before I could finish Rayne held up his left hand and began to rub at his palm. �śI guess I don’t need this anymore,” he said. To me his hand looked perfectly normal, but suddenly he was peeling away a fine layer of something clear from his palm, like he was literally peeling off his skin. He threw it on the ground and looked back at me, about to explain. �śLet me guess,” I said, �śfingerprints and DNA?” He nodded and a high-pitch ding sounded as the elevator door opened. Rayne grabbed my arm and pulled me forward in haste. I noticed only two floors listed as he smashed the back of his fist to the button. �śWhat is this place?” I asked. The floor jolted beneath our feet as it moved upward. �śA house in Laguna Beach,” he answered. �śThis is a house?” I said surprised. The elevator continued to ascend. Where were we headed, the roof? �śI guess Voss bought it years ago, but this is the first I’ve heard of it.” �śVoss?” I asked. �śThat’s his name? The man with the scary eyes?” The elevator halted, the door opening to a dim, empty hallway. Rayne clasped my wrist, pulling me forward. �śYeah, that’s him,” he said. He pressed a large silver button at the end of the hall, causing the entire wall to swing open like a door. My eyes widened as I staggered forward. The wall closed behind us, revealing a completely furnished display on the other side. It wasn’t just a hidden door, it was a full entertainment unit with a mounted TV, electronic equipment, and built-in shelving on both sides. I stumbled over my feet as Rayne’s hand urged me forward. I probably would’ve beaten him to the front door if I wasn’t so shocked at the amazing house that served as a front for my prison. The vaulted ceiling towered above us, lined with wooden beams. The room was bright and open with sleek modern furnishings.� Two of the walls were made entirely of glass panels, revealing a stunning ocean view. �śWe have to hurry,” Rayne said. �śHe could be back any minute.” My pulse quickened at the thought and I came back to focus. We raced towards the front of the house. As we moved down the hall an object caught my eye, sitting on a small table. �śMy diary,” I said. I snatched it from the table and continued to flee. I could see the front door; we were so close�"but not close enough. The door swung open. I ran into Rayne’s side when he stopped in his tracks. The man’s fierce eyes halted our flight. His arm sprung toward us, a gun pointed at my face. My limbs froze with a gasp. Voss’s glare narrowed to black slits. �śGoing somewhere?” � � � � � � 26. RELEASE� � � � � � We inched away. Rayne acted as a shield and pulled me to his back. �śThis is between us,” Rayne said. �śLet the girl go.” �śI don’t think so,” Voss said, hand steady on his gun. �śWhat good would come from shooting us?” Rayne said. �śJust think it through. How will that give you what you want?” Voss scoffed. �śNice try. Do you really think your pathetic, farm-boy tactics have a chance against me?” He waved his gun towards the back of the house. �śNow move.” Shock stunned me. Everything was suddenly commotion. Just as Voss moved forward, Rayne pounced at him, grabbing his arm with both hands and sweeping his leg with a foot. They both dropped to their backs. I fumbled away from the bodies wrestling before me. A bang roared. I shuttered, throwing my arms to my head. Ceiling dust trickled over their struggling forms as they fought back and forth on the ground. Rayne pushed his way on top with fierce determination. He jabbed his right elbow to Voss’s neck and chopped his left hand at Voss’s arm. The gun flew, skidding across the room. Everything happened so fast. Voss plunged himself around Rayne’s neck cutting off his air, choking him. I winced as I stared at him in pain. Rayne’s knee flew upward smacking Voss’s head. I stumbled backwards through the hall, not sure what to do except watch in alarm from the next room. Rayne locked his arms over Voss’s chokehold and thrust their bodies forward. Voss rolled over Rayne’s head and landed with a thud. The hit didn’t seem to make a mark. Voss jumped back to his feet, eyes focused on his target. They both stood facing and circling, punches and elbows flying back and forth. Voss swung sideways plunging his foot to Rayne’s chest. The blow launched Rayne through the air and he crashed through the hall table, leaving it in pieces. �śRayne!” I cried. He jumped to his feet. �śGet back.” I hesitated but obeyed. I ran to the far side of the room behind the couch. What could I do? Smacks and gasps continued from the hall. My eyes darted around the room. Should I cower in the corner? Look for an object to break on Voss’s head? Suddenly Voss flew in the room collapsing over a chair. A lamp shattered as he rolled to the floor. Rayne rushed in behind. �śYou’re getting weak old man.” �śFight’s not over,” Voss said. He leapt smugly to his feet, wiping blood from his face. Voss plunged his fist, but Rayne blocked it mid-swing. Rayne paused a split second and said, �śThis looks familiar.” He yanked the chain from Voss’s neck. �śSadie,” he called. He threw the necklace to me and I reached to catch it with shaky hands. Voss struck with a jab to the ribs and a foot to Rayne’s calf. Rayne winced but sprung forward, pelting Voss’s jaw with his fist. Their feet shuffled forward with each move, straight through the open back door. I marveled after them. I knew Rayne was in excellent shape and probably had training, but his fighting skills were unbelievable. Even Voss, with his leathery skin and grey-streaked hair, made each move with precision. I gaped at them through the glass wall as they struggled across the wide deck outside. How was this going to end? I had to do something, but what could I possibly do? I glanced frantically around the room. Then it hit me�"the gun. I charged back through the hall and stared at the weapon on the floor. Could I really do this? I’d never touched a gun before. Was it anything like in the movies? I glanced over my shoulder to ensure I was alone and lifted the handle cautiously in my hand. I didn’t know what I was doing. The last thing I wanted was to make things worse. What if I accidentally shot myself or Rayne? Even if I wanted to shoot the gun, I wasn’t sure how to do it. Just pull the trigger? I scanned my mental images for any knowledge of guns. Wasn’t there some kind of metal thing you click with your thumb so your victim knows you’re serious about blowing him away? My eyes darted down the hall. I was still alone. I examined the gun with careful fingers, but I couldn’t see any kind of lever or button. As far as I could tell there was a handle, a trigger, and a boxy, black barrel; that was it. I slid my hands around the handle and practiced gripping it a few different ways. I settled on the best hold and clutched the gun forward with arms extended. If it came down to it, could I really kill Voss? I thought of his threatening eyes and the way he’d thrown me around the gray room. It would be self-defense, but could I do it? Could I pull the trigger? Whatever happens�Śhappens, I thought. I had to try. I didn’t have a plan, but I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath and started toward the back room. My heartbeat quickened. Adrenalin pulsed through my body. You can do this. Slow and steady. My feet moved at a crawl’s pace when I spotted their figures through the glass. I had to wait until Rayne was as far away from Voss as possible�"in case I had terrible aim. I crept forward, staying close to the wall, hoping they wouldn’t see me. Rayne’s punch thrust forward. Voss toppled over a lounge chair across the deck and rolled to the ground a couple yards away. This was it; I had to react. I burst through the door, gun pointed at Voss, hands shaking. �śDon’t move,” I said. Both men froze like statues, more from surprise than fear. �śSadie, don’t,” Rayne said. He leaned forward slightly to catch his breath. I kept my focus on Voss. He had the gall to laugh. �śSweetheart, why don’t you put down the weapon and let the men finish their business.” His face sickened me. �śI’m not joking,” I said, still poised to shoot. Voss meandered to his feet and held a hand outstretched. �śJust give me the gun.” �śI’ll do it,” I said. But would I do it? Could I? No matter how awful he was, could I really shoot him? Voss crept towards me. �śYou’re not going to shoot me.” Rayne took a step forward in warning. �śVoss, stop.” I had to decide. The black eyes were too close. If I was going to do it, I had to do it now. The rumble of feet broke my focus. Rayne charged forward and spun around in the air, snapping Voss’s head with a kick. Voss staggered back from the force and lost balance. His body flipped back. His feet flung in the air as his body fell over the railing. I flinched and turned in surprise as a voice called out from right behind me. �śFather!” It was the blue-eyed boy, my other captor.� He ran to the rail, leaning over the edge. �śFather!” Rayne rushed to his side. �śI’m sorry. He was going to hurt her.” The boy thrust his hands at Rayne’s chest, eyes wild. �śWhat did you do?” He pushed past Rayne and ran away through the house. Rayne hurried after him. �śAsh, wait,” he called. I dropped the gun, relieved to have it out of my hands, and ran to the edge of the railing. It was a cliff. The entire deck extended over a towering drop that hovered above the rocky shore of the ocean. Voss was nowhere in sight, but the bottom was too far to see clearly. I pictured his body hurling through the air, slamming over rocks until it plummeted at the edge of the sea. I winced at the image and looked away. The adrenalin rush diminished and reality set in. A man was dead. Not exactly by my own hand, but almost. Tears flooded down my face, filled with relief, but also helplessness and fear. Everything I’d felt the last few days poured out of me. I leaned against the rail for support and buried my face in my hands. A tense voice came from behind. �śAre you all right?” I turned at the sound. Rayne stared from across the deck, like a stream of sunlight through a dark tunnel. I rushed to him, throwing my arms around his sides. �śWhere is he?” I said through broken sobs. Rayne moved back, holding my shoulders. �śWho?” �śThat guy, the boy that helped kidnap me. Did he get away?” � �śI let him go,” Rayne said. I couldn’t read his tone. � �śWhy? You should’ve taken the gun.” His hands dropped. �śHe’s the reason you’re safe. He told me how to find you.” �śHe did?” So the boy heard my pleadings after all. Rayne looked at the ground. �śEven if he hadn’t helped us, I could never shoot him.” �śBut he�Ś” �śHe’s my oldest friend,” Rayne said. �śAt least he was. I don’t know what to think now.” �śYour friend?” �śYes, his name is Ash. We’ve known each other for years.” � �śOh,” I said, pausing. This made the whole thing seem a lot more complicated. A string of questions formed in my head. �śIs he a Keeper too? I saw his eyes, they glowed like yours. And what about that man, Voss, your friend’s father? Was he a Keeper? What happened to him? Why were his eyes so black?" Rayne stroked my hair. �śShhh, Sadie, don’t worry. There will be time for explanations later. Right now my priority is making sure you’re safe.” I looked into his eyes and sighed, but I knew he had a good point. �śOkay, we can talk later.” He held my hand. I could feel the calm spread from his fingers to mine. �śCome on,” he said. �śLet’s get you home.” Home. I could think of nothing better. I sat in the passenger seat of Rayne’s car as he circled around the front bumper. It was still light outside. The door closed behind him and he started the car. �śWhat day is it?” I asked, my head slumping to the back rest. �śSaturday.” �śReally? But wouldn’t that mean I was only here, like, one day? It felt like forever.” His smile was sad. �śI know�Ś” We pulled away from the curb and I pushed the memories of this ordeal behind me. �śCan you do me a favor?” I asked. �śTake me to see my mom at the hospital? She must be worried I didn’t come home last night.” �śOf course.” �śThen can you do me another favor?” I added. �śWhat is it?” �śWill you take me to the dance tonight?” He paused. �śUh�Śare you serious? Aren’t you exhausted?” �śCompletely,” I said. �śBut it’s important to Heather and she’s important to me.” �śI’m sure she’ll understand after all you’ve been through.” I smiled. �śJust give me an extra dose of your magic water and I’m sure I’ll be fine.” He spoke through half a laugh. �śOkay. If you say so.” I gazed out the window. Small shops and homes floated by on Coast Highway. I could feel home drawing near. I turned to admire Rayne’s smooth face. �śI just want to forget this whole thing ever happened,” I said. He slowed the car at a red light and gazed at me. �śI’m sorry you had to go through that. I should’ve seen it coming.” �śDon’t beat yourself up,” I said. �śIt wasn’t your fault.” �śI’m still sorry.” I leaned my head to his shoulder. We didn’t speak for several minutes. At the edge of Main Beach in Laguna I noticed a young couple not far in the distance. They frolicked and skipped hand in hand. The girl jumped on the boy’s back for a piggyback ride. I envied their free spirits through the windshield. I lifted my head. �śLet’s go have some fun tonight. I think we both could use some right now.” I turned on the radio and flipped to the most upbeat song I could find. �śFun it is,” he said, but I wasn’t sure he looked convinced. He shook his head, amused. �śWhat?” I said. �śYou’re just�Śbouncing back from this really fast.” �śIs that a bad thing?” He chuckled. �śNo, that’s what I love about you.” My cheeks flushed at his choice of words. �śOh,” I grinned. �śThanks.” � � � � � � � � � � � *** � I caught a glimpse of my mother’s back at the hospital and a smile spread wide across my cheeks. Rayne sat in the waiting room, insisting he give us a moment alone. �śMom,” I called. She turned at the sound of my voice. �śSweetie, hi.” There was no worry or sighs of relief. �śI’m surprised to see you here.” I hesitated a moment, trying to read her reaction, boggled she wasn’t upset. �śUh, just wanted to drop by to say hi.” �śBefore we go to the dance,” I added. �śThat’s sweet, honey.” She set down a clipboard. �śSo you two worked everything out then?” Now I was really confused. �śWorked what out?” �śDon’t worry, I’m not mad,” she said. �śHeather told me everything. It was a good idea to sleep over at her house since you were so upset about the fight with Rayne and all.” She thinks I slept at Heather’s house? No wonder she wasn’t worried. �śOh she told you?” I said, voice casual. �śOf course she did. Weren’t you with her when I talked to her on the phone?” �śOh right. Sorry, I forgot. I was sort of preoccupied yesterday.” �śSo everything’s okay with Rayne now?” she asked again. �śYes. I guess everything’s fine.” If she only knew what I’d really been through; but I decided to go with it. She was better off not knowing. �śWe’re going home to change for the dance right now,” I said. �śThat’s great, honey. He seems like a really nice boy.” �śYes. He is�Ś” I agreed with her more than she could imagine. �śOh, I meant to tell you,” she added. �śI know how much you like Dr. Jensen, so I invited him for Thanksgiving dinner next week.” My eyes lit up. �śReally?” Even if it wasn’t an actual date, I understood my mom’s gesture. She was finally giving Dr. Jensen a chance. She fidgeted with a pencil. �śMaybe you had a point the other night when we talked. I don’t know, we’ll see.” I didn’t want to put on too much pressure. I tried to sound even, holding back my excitement. �śThat’s great, Mom, really.” She smiled. �śYou better get going. Your date’s waiting for you.” It was hard to contain my grin. �śYeah, I guess I should go.” �śBe good, sweetheart,” she said. She gave me a squeeze then whispered mischievously in my ear, �śBut have lots of fun too.” � *** � When we reached my car still sitting in Wahoo’s parking lot, I was relieved nothing appeared stolen or broken into. My phone sat right on the passenger seat where I’d thrown it yesterday along with my copy of my diary. It was a relief to know that both copies were back in safe, familiar hands. But it didn’t really seem like my diary anymore. It was ours now; mine and Rayne’s. I looked at the screen on my phone, eleven new messages. Some were from friends just saying hello or sending excited greetings about the dance. Six were from Heather who thought my absence meant I was with Rayne all night. Her first message said she’d covered for me when my mom called, making up the story about the sleepover. The rest were a series of escalating excitement. Did you guys make up? What’s happening, send me an update. Where R U, make-up kissing session? OMG, U have 2 tell me everything. Call me ASAP! It was strange how life went back to normal so fast. It was like I’d never been gone. I called Heather while driving home, Rayne following behind me all the way. �śWhat took you so long?” Heather said. �śYou’re still coming, right? Everyone’s supposed to meet here in, like, an hour.” �śDon’t worry, we’re coming.” She squealed. �śYes! Thank you�Ś” �śSo we’ll see you over there,” I said. �śWait, did you guys�Śyou know�Ś” I was surprised when my voice came out like a squeak. �śWhat? No�ŚWe just talked and made up. Everything’s the same as before. There were hugs involved, but no kissing or anything.” �śOh fine, be boring,” she teased. �śI need to finish getting ready anyway. I better see you here in an hour though.” I could hear the optimism in her tone. �śYou will,” I said. �śI promise.” I didn’t have much time. I pressed my foot harder on the gas and sped towards home. � � � � � � 27. THE DANCE� � � � � � I checked myself over one last time in the mirror and scampered toward the knock at my door. Rayne’s sea foam eyes glowed with a smile. �śHey,” he said. A tingle fluttered up my neck. �śHey.” I tried to keep my cool, suppressing a grin without much success. He reached out his hand. �śLet me see your wrist.” I frowned, hesitating. The last time he said something like that, unpleasant things followed. �śDon’t you trust me?” he teased. I smirked and lifted my arm. He moved his hand from behind the door, revealing a small white box. When he opened the flaps, my breath escaped unknowingly through my lips. It was a corsage so simple yet more beautiful than any I’d seen. He placed the delicate ring of blue and ivory flowers gently over my wrist. �śHow did you find time?” I asked. He grinned. �śI have my ways.” I moved my wrist, admiring the bracelet of petals. Tiny butterfly rhinestones caught the light at the center of each flower. �śIt’s perfect,” I said. I moved my arm to rest by my side but he caught my hand. �śWait. One more thing.” He reached into his pocket and took out the familiar, silver flask. �śWe can’t forget your extra dose of magic water,” he said, mocking my earlier use of the term. The silvery droplet landed on my palm, evaporating into my skin with a tiny tingling sensation. My eyes widened. The tear-shaped Watermark on my wrist went from almost black to icy blue in a matter of seconds. I didn’t remember it turning colors so quickly in the past. �śDid you see that?” I asked amazed. He chuckled at my reaction. �śI think someone’s ready for a fun night out. What do you think?” �śYou know it,” I said. My palm found his and we rolled forward to the evening before us. We were the last of our group to arrive at Heather’s house, but we made it just in time. A crowd of kids congregated on the lawn, talking and giggling, taking turns posing for pictures in their matching shirts. I glanced around the familiar faces. All my closest friends from school were there, paired off in happy couples; Lindsey and Zach, Nicole and Brandon, Kelly and Sean, Julie and Connor, Heather and Nick. I held Rayne’s hand and we crossed the sidewalk towards my friends. It felt strange; my two separate worlds colliding. They didn’t quite fit together. I turned to look at his face. If it was strange to him, he didn’t show it. He was calm and confident as ever. He noticed my gaze and smiled back, like a star descending from the sky just for me. Heather was the first to notice our arrival. She trotted across the yard to greet us. �śFinally,” she said, her tone anxious but inviting. She liked taking charge of group activities, but she always stressed out, trying to make everything perfect. Rayne extended a hand. �śHeather, it’s nice to finally meet you.” She hesitated and glanced at me, smirking at his formal introduction. High school kids didn’t shake hands. She laughed once and took his hand. �śRayne, right?” His free hand slipped in his pocket a second then moved to the back of Heather’s hand, cradling their handshake. �śThat’s me,” he said. Heather’s anxious expression melted away. Rayne continued to hold her hand between both his palms. I’d never seen her look so awkward and giddy. She stared at his face, her gaze glued to his eyes, mesmerized. She placed her other hand on top of their handshake, now a full, four-handed embrace. �śIt’s�Śnice to meet you too,” she said, pausing and staring curiously. Rayne’s eyes concealed an amused expression. I tugged at Rayne’s arms, breaking their grip. �śOkay, you two,” I said, chuckling. �śYou can’t shake hands all night.” �śRight, sorry,” Heather said, shaking her head. We followed behind as she walked back to the group across the yard. I pulled on Rayne’s arm, bringing his face close to mine. �śWhat did you do to her?” I whispered with playful accusation. �śDid you give her Healing Water?” He shrugged innocently. �śShe looked stressed.” I laughed and slapped his bicep. �śYou better behave. Are you planning to win over all my friends using the water tonight?” He straightened his shirt and smirked. �śI don’t need Healing Water to win friends.” *** � We sat in the restaurant waiting area of Duke’s in Huntington Beach, our table not quite ready. Of course Heather talked all the other girls into her choice of where to eat. I introduced Rayne to the whole group back at the house and he chatted easily with them now. I was impressed with his skills at blending in with the crowd. Heather broke from her conversation with Nicole and grabbed my hand. �śCome with me to the ladies’ room,” she said in a hushed tone. I turned to Rayne. �śI’ll be right back.” �śI’ll be here,” he said. I glanced back at him, Heather pulling my arm down the hallway. I hoped there wasn’t a problem. The last thing I wanted to deal with tonight was drama. Heather let the door swing shut behind us in the restroom. �śOh my gosh; doesn’t Nick look amazing tonight?” she said. �śThe sweater I picked out looks perfect on him.” I was relieved we were just here for girl talk. �śYeah,” I agreed. �śHe looks super nice.” She turned to the mirror to reapply her lip gloss. �śYou didn’t tell me Rayne was so hot.” �śActually, I’m pretty sure I did.” �śWell you were right,” she said with animation. �śI can’t believe you haven’t kissed him yet. I would be all over that if I were you.” �śWe’re taking things slow. I don’t know. We might just stay friends.” She shook her head. �śNo way. He’s so into you. That guy can’t keep his eyes off you.” �śYou think so?” I said, getting sucked into her optimism. �śI’ve been watching you guys.” Her tone grew thick with implications. �śHe totally wants you.” I laughed, but came back to reality. I had to keep my head on straight. Rayne and I were only dating as a cover for his true purpose. The emotions weren’t real. �śI don’t know about that,” I said. �śBut I think we can plan to see a lot more of him in the future.” She rolled her eyes. �śHe wants to kiss you, whether you believe it or not.” �śWe’ll see,” I said, not convinced. I knew she was wrong, but of course I couldn’t tell her why. So I changed the subject. �śWhat about you and Nick? Have you decided if you’re ready to take things to the next level?” She dropped her hands from smoothing her hair and turned to me. �śI thought about what you said yesterday, about waiting to make sure he likes me for me first, and I think you’re right. We’ve barely been dating for a couple weeks. I mean, that would totally be rushing into things, wouldn’t it?” In my head I was thinking, Hello! Of course that’s rushing into it. Do you even really know Nick that well? But instead I just replied, �śThat does seem kind of fast.” �śIf he has a problem with it, then too bad for him, right?” Heather said, sounding unsure. �śI mean, you don’t think he would break up with me if I make him wait, do you?” �śNo. You’re a total catch. If he can’t see that, then he’s not the right guy for you. You’re worth waiting for.” Heather smiled, returning to her usual confidence. �śYou’re right. He can wait.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the exit, her face beaming as she said, �śTonight is going to be perfect.” After dinner we all drove over to the school. The gym looked amazing, the lights turned low, the walls and ceiling covered in pink and blue twinkle lights. I wasn’t really sure what the theme was this year, but I was glad they finally dropped the barnyard decor of years past. Nicole and Brandon headed straight for the crowded dance floor while Rayne and I followed the rest of the group to a couple of tables. Just as we settled in, Ariana spotted us from across the room. She waved and skipped forward, dragging Justin Crane at her heels. I sprang from my chair to greet them. Her smile was huge. �śHi, Sadie! I love your corsage.” �śThanks,” I said, admiring it again on my wrist. �śAre you guys having fun?” Justin hugged Ariana from behind with his good arm, the other one still bound in a bright orange cast. She was a short girl and his chin rested perfectly on her head. �śLots of fun,” she said. Justin pinched Ariana’s backside and she jumped sideways, giggling. Some girls must like that type of thing after all. �śOh, there’s Tracy,” Ariana said with excitement. She turned to Justin. �śI’ll be back in a minute.” Ariana flitted away, leaving me and Justin alone. He swung his free arm around my shoulder. �śWhat’s up, baby doll?” I gave him half a hug and slinked away awkwardly. �śYou guys are so cute together,” I said, trying to keep a smile. �śI know. That girl can’t keep her hands off me.” I followed Justin’s gaze across the room, fixed on Ariana’s tight shirt as she bounced excitedly, chatting with a friend. He lifted his eyebrows. �śNice, huh?” I rolled my eyes. When a warm hand touched my waist, my attention broke from Justin and I turned abruptly. �śEverything okay here?” Rayne asked. �śFine,” I nodded. I glanced up at his face but his glare was focused on Justin. �śSo this is the guy?” Justin said, flicking his head in Rayne’s direction. I smiled weakly. �śUh, yeah, Justin, this is�"” �śWait I know this,” Justin said. He squinted, trying to remember. �śDon’t tell me. It was something nature-y�Ś” He looked at the ceiling, deep in thought, then peered back at Rayne. �śStormy? No wait�ŚSunny?” Rayne cleared his throat, keeping a straight face. �śIt’s Rayne.” I kicked Justin’s foot. �śJustin,” I complained in a hushed tone. He glanced at me and flinched, genuinely surprised by my annoyance. He really was clueless. Justin scratched his head. �śOh right. Sorry man, I forgot.” �śNo problem,” Rayne said coolly. He glanced at Ariana, jabbering with a girlfriend and giggling in our direction. �śI think your date misses you,” he said to Justin. A dopey grin crossed Justin’s face, his tone overly confident. �śYeah she does�ŚI think I’ll go take care of that.” �śHave fun,” Rayne said, his tone even. Before leaving, Justin placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned over my ear to whisper. �śIf this guy gives you any trouble, just say the word. I’ll take care of him.” I looked at him in disbelief, but had to laugh. �śThanks, Justin. I’ll keep that in mind.” He patted my shoulder and eyed Rayne one last time before galloping towards his date. She had her back turned now and Justin snuck up behind her to scoop her up at the waist with his good arm. She squealed in surprise as he twirled her in the air and dropped her back to her feet. �śThey look happy,” I said. Rayne’s jaw was tight. �śHe’s just as charming as I imagined.” �śOh, he’s harmless,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. I pulled Rayne back to the table and he offered me a chair. Normally I’d be running around chattering and flirting just like Ariana, but this time all I wanted was to be with Rayne. We sat for a few moments watching the students talk and dance. Nick and Heather had already disappeared, probably looking for a spot to make out. Within a few minutes everyone from our table was off dancing or socializing, leaving just me and Rayne. He brushed his fingertips along my back. I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath and letting the music push out my thoughts. This had to be one of the longest days of my life. It was amazing I could control myself around him; the way he was always touching me, gently soothing me. I liked his touch. Unlike Justin who was forceful and groping, like a hormone-crazed animal, Rayne was tender and considerate. His touch wasn’t about touching at all; it was about caring. He cared about my feelings and my happiness. I examined his face with appreciation. �śYou know,” I said. �śI never got the chance to say I’m sorry for running off the other day, or yesterday I guess it was.” His eyes were kind. �śDon’t worry about it.” �śNo really. I acted like a child and�ŚI’m sorry.” �śYou’ve been through a lot, Sadie. You were overwhelmed. I understand.” �śThanks,” I said. I looked down at the pink tablecloth covered in confetti. �śThis might sound silly, but for some reason I thought you were going to chase after me.” �śThat’s not silly. Of course I wanted to come after you.” My cheeks flushed. �śOh,” I said, trying to swallow my grin. �śSo what happened?” �śVoss showed up.” I frowned, picturing the man’s black, veiny eyes. �śHe was there?” �śYeah. He broke into my car and stole my phone and the diary. I tried to chase him, but that guy can drive like you wouldn’t believe.” �śThat’s right. He had my diary at his house. That’s how he tricked me. I got a message from him, pretending to be you.” �śI did try to find you, you know, as soon as I lost him,” Rayne said. �śI came back for you, but you were already gone. I talked to your mom, I went to the school, I drove by your friends’ houses looking for your car. The tracker in your wallet never moved from your locker. At first I thought you just took off to be alone, but I started to get that feeling again, like I could sense something was really wrong, that you were in danger. I watched your house all night. You never came home. I was about to lose my mind when Ash finally contacted me and told me he knew where you were.” �śIf only I hadn’t run away from you, none of this would’ve happened,” I said with a pained expression. �śI wish I was strong�"like you. I wish I could take care of myself instead of running away from my problems or relying on other people to take care of me all the time.” His gaze was soft. �śRelying on others doesn’t mean you’re weak, Sadie. It means you’re human. You might not see it, but the people you love are relying on you just as much as you rely on them.” �śI hadn’t thought about it like that,” I said. �śI just�Śfeel so helpless sometimes.” He smiled. �śI think everyone does at one time or another; I know I do. But you don’t need to be scared. I promise. Now that I understand your condition better, you’re going to be fine. You need the Healing Water more often than normal, but I’ve got you covered. You know you can count on me, right?” His green eyes had a language of their own. Every time I gazed into them, they spoke to me, convincing me of truth. I trusted them. I nodded. �śI know. Thank you�Śfor everything.” �śDon’t mention it,” he said in his familiar, confident tone. �śBut you know what this means don’t you?” �śWhat?” �śYou’ll have to see a lot more of me now; probably every day.” My brow lifted. �śI think I can handle that.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed, looking out at the crowd of students on the dance floor. Nick and Heather moved into my line of sight and she waved from over his shoulder, giving me an elated smile. They weren’t making out after all. I needed to remember to give Heather more credit. The song over the sound system ended and a new one began. I recognized the tune right away. �śI love this song,” I said. Rayne popped up from his chair. �śEnough sitting. Tonight’s supposed to be about fun, remember?” He reached out his hand with tender eyes. �śDance with me�Ś” My heart fluttered. I smiled and slid my hand into the warm comfort of his fingers. There were plenty of things that felt uncertain in my life, but one thing was sure. Right here, right now, with Rayne holding my hand and smiling at me through those gorgeous green eyes, I was happy. There wasn’t anywhere else I would rather be. I squeezed Rayne’s hand hopefully and followed him as he moved to the center of the dance floor. He twirled me once, spinning me gracefully in a small circle; then he pulled me in close like he’d never let go. � � � � � � 28. RAYNE GOES TO A MEET� � � � � � The sun reached the highest point in the sky, casting shadows beneath the surrounding trees. Rayne concealed himself behind the foliage near the seventh hole on the course, waiting for Hamlin to arrive. It was the same designated spot where they’d met since the commencement of Rayne’s assignment. He watched a golf cart circle around a bend then pull up a few yards from his location. Aside from the deep respect and admiration he felt for the man, seeing the familiar face of his mentor brought on a surge of apprehension, uncertain what conclusion would come of his report. Rayne walked calmly from his covering beyond the short hillside towards his superior. Hamlin removed a putter from his golf bag, looking youthful and strong for his wise years. They exchanged a knowing glance as Rayne met him on the green. Hamlin rested his hands on the heel of his club, looking out at the expanse of the lush course. His tone was even. �śHow is she?” Rayne mimicked Hamlin’s posture, staring forward beside him. �śA little shook up, but safe.” Hamlin broke his gaze and paced over to his ball on the green. �śAnd her condition?” Rayne followed behind him. �śIt’s sporadic at best, sir. She can’t function for more than a day or two without exposure. I’m afraid her dependency is greater than we anticipated.” �śI see,” Hamlin said, disappointment in his tone. �śI’ve made arrangements with a few agents in the area. They’ve agreed to either donate or sell me a portion of their water supply for the time being. But this is only a temporary solution.” Hamlin bent at the knees to survey the terrain before taking his shot. �śThat should give me enough time to make the necessary arrangements. Can you keep her stable until then?” �śOf course, sir.” Hamlin took a few practice swings as he spoke. �śDo you anticipate any further complications with the threat?” �śVoss went over a cliff. His chance of survival was minimal in his weakened state.” Rayne paused and cleared his throat. �śI�Śbelieve he’s dead, sir.” Hamlin stopped mid-swing. �śI find this news oddly�Śregrettable. So much talent wasted to tragedy.” �śForgive me for saying, sir, but I find myself unable to agree with your sentiment.” Hamlin turned his focus back to his swing. �śAnd you have every right to. The crimes Voss committed in his life were shameful, cruel even. He will have to suffer the consequences of his choices. Still, we would be wise to remember; no man is perfect.” Hamlin’s arms swung forward gently sending his ball to the hole without wavering. �śNice shot, sir.” Hamlin smiled. �śI’ve been known to sink a putt or two.” He moved to the hole to retrieve his ball. �śEven some of the greatest men of our world have succumbed to weaknesses at some point in their lives. The real question is whether or not they learn to overcome them. It’s a pity Voss never figured that out.” Rayne compared himself to his mentor’s elevated thinking. �śWhen I picture his face, all I feel is anger,” he admitted. Hamlin rested a firm hand on Rayne’s shoulder. �śYou’re a good man, Rayne. I have faith that you’ll figure it out in time, just like the rest of us old men. Even I have my fair share of faults.” Rayne’s heartbeat quickened. He knew he would have regrets if he didn’t speak his mind. �śSir, may I speak openly? I have something weighing heavily on my thoughts.” �śYou’re like the son I never had, Rayne. I’m here anytime you need an ear.” He walked to his cart and settled in the driver’s seat. �śCome take a seat, son. What’s on your mind?” Rayne took the passenger seat, then hunched over his lap, forearms resting on his knees. �śI’m having doubts about my�Śmy ability to perform my duties.” Hamlin’s brow creased. �śI thought we discussed this at our last meet. I’ve already denied your request for reassignment. I thought you were in agreement with my decision.” �śI was; I mean I am. It’s just�Śthe situation has elevated and I feel it’s my duty to inform you, sir.” �śGo ahead; but let me reiterate my stance that you’re one of our top Keepers and I feel confident in your placement on this unique assignment.” �śThank you. I don’t mean to question your judgment. I’m just concerned that my own judgment may be thoroughly compromised.” Small dots of perspiration formed on Rayne’s forehead. �śYou’re well aware of my mistake with the overdose, but I think the bonding effect has grown out of my control. When Sadie is involved, I find my emotions controlling my actions almost completely. I don’t see how I can perform up to par with this burden affecting my decisions.” �śCan you elaborate on these emotions you’re experiencing?” Hamlin said. Rayne sat up in his chair. �śWell�Śwhen I’m with her my thoughts seem to scatter. It’s like I’m consumed by her presence. I have to fight to stay focused on even the smallest task. I find myself,” he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, �śdesiring her inappropriately,” he paused nervously, then added, �śBut of course I would never act on those impulses.” �śI see,” Hamlin said thoughtfully. �śAnd when you’re not with her?” Rayne’s hands opened outward in frustration. �śI can think of nothing else but speaking to her again. I find myself distracted; unable to focus, longing for the exhilaration of her company, planning a future with her that can never be possible�Ś” He turned to face his mentor squarely. �śI’m willing to endure this hardship, sir. My real concern is for Sadie. I see her struggling with the same burden and I can’t bear to watch any longer. It’s not fair for her to suffer from my mistakes. Perhaps if I were taken out of the equation, her suffering could be lifted to some degree. She could go back to living a normal life again.” Hamlin nodded perceptively. �śRayne, I’m going to share a secret with you that perhaps no Keeper has ever had the privilege to learn.” Rayne was confounded by his statement. �śSir?” �śThis is strictly confidential, of course, and not to be repeated. But I feel in this case, it’s a necessary breach of protocol.” Rayne couldn’t hold back the frown. �śThat won’t be necessary�"” The raise of Hamlin’s palm silenced him. �śThis isn’t a negotiation.” Rayne conceded with a humble nod. �śAs you know, it’s standard practice of the Council to caution all Keepers regarding the bonding properties of the Healing Water. The purpose of this policy is meant to safeguard agents from losing focus of their duty and the important tasks they’re expected to perform.” Hamlin brought his face near to Rayne’s, his voice becoming hushed and almost animated. �śAlthough they fail to mention that they’ve embellished this old wives’ tale in order to evoke certain desired actions from their unknowing civil servants.” Lines twisted through Rayne’s face. �śAre you saying we’ve all been lied to? That the bonding effect is just a myth or some made up story?” �śHold on a minute,” Hamlin said. �śThere’s a little more to it than that.” �śOf course, sir. Forgive me, I spoke out of turn.” Hamlin suppressed a chuckle. �śRelax young Rayne; I’m speaking to you as a trusted friend, not as your superior officer.” �śRight; please continue.” �śAll I’m saying is the bonding effect is not completely understood. But from what I’ve witnessed in my many years of life, I can assure you that the water will never force itself where it’s not wanted.” �śI’m not sure I follow,” Rayne said. �śThe bonding effect definitely exists in varying degrees. And I’m quite certain it plays a role in your feelings for Sadie as well as hers for you. But I don’t believe it can remove a man’s free will. The Healing Water does not force one to feel. It can only amplify the positive emotions that already exist in a person’s heart.” �śPlease be frank with me, sir. What exactly are you suggesting?” �śRayne,” Hamlin said, placing a hand on his shoulder. �śThere’s not a single doubt in my mind. You’re in love with my daughter.” Hamlin wore a comical smirk as if revealing this news gave him great pleasure. Rayne blinked, unable to speak. He tried to fathom the idea that his feelings for Sadie might be real; and if this was true, how could Hamlin be so untroubled by the fact? He stared at his mentor without seeing, engulfed in thought. I’m in love? It suddenly felt so right. How could I not see it before? I’m in love with Sadie. Each time it ran through his mind, the truth became clearer. I love her. Hamlin slapped Rayne’s back, amused. �śI’m even more convinced than I was before, son. You are the best candidate for this assignment.”