In the Wilderness


"I don't know why you insisted on buying this truck. We can use my pick-up while we are here." Elizabeth leaned back in the comfortable seat of the luxurious Nissan Pathfinder they picked up from the dealer that same morning when they arrived in Santo Domingo. They were half way to their house in Encarnación, on their first trip back to Elizabeth's former home after Jane's and Charles' wedding.

"Because I think we need a more comfortable vehicle while we are here." William said calmly. 

"My pick-up works pretty well, you know." She loved her pick-up.

"I know it works fine. I just thought it would be better if we had a new one." William didn't want to argue with her.

"I've been driving that pick-up for years now and it never left me on the road, so I can't understand why you don't like it."

"Age."

"Well, it isn't that old. Any other objections?"

"Air conditioning."

"Will!" she said, offended. "How can you complain about that? It doesn't even have air conditioning!"

"Exactly." He kept his eyes on the road. "If you think that I am going to move around in this inferno without air conditioning, you are crazy."

"You are right." Elizabeth laughed. "You don't have any idea of how hot it can get in January. Today we were blessed with a very fresh day." She was glad that the air conditioner was high. It was hot as hell outside.

"Charles told me they had temperatures of 41 C last week and that the pulp almost boiled inside the presses." he chuckled. "When I arrived here for the first time, in February, I thought I was going to die when I stepped out of the airport."

"You are exaggerating." she kissed his cheek.

 

"Liz! Will! It so good to see you!" Jane Bingley embraced her sister and brother-in-law. 

"Oh, Jane, I missed you so much."

"But you were here only two months ago!" Jane laughed.

"Look at you, you are so tanned!" Elizabeth looked at her sister. "I've lost my color."

"I'm sure you'll catch up in a couple of days." Jane linked her arm with Elizabeth's as they walked to the house. "How's London, Will?"

"Cold and snowy, otherwise, excellent." he smiled. 

At that moment, Attila came running from behind the house. He jumped on Elizabeth.

"Hey! How's mum's big boy?" Elizabeth stepped back under the dog's weight. "You'll stay in the house with us, won't you?"

William chuckled. Standing on his hind legs, the dog was as tall as Elizabeth. He eased the dog from Elizabeth's shoulders and lowered him to the ground. Attila's tail wagged enthusiastically as William patted him on the ribcage. "How are you, old man? Still the terror of the girls?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "You don't know half of it. Two weeks ago we heard the neighbor's gunshot. First we thought there were thieves entering his house but when we saw Attila running full speed we realized that his collie had been deflowered."

Elizabeth gasped and scolded the dog. "You didn't! Attila how could you! Didn't mum teach you anything?" The dog sat and curled his ears, looking at her with guilty eyes. "I told you: at night, mischief must be done at night, when no one can see you." She grabbed the dog's snout and squeezed him. "You stud, you can't help it, can you? I bet that Lassie screamed like a dog when you nailed her."

"Elizabeth!" William slapped her bottom. "Where did that came from?"

"Well, he is quite large, isn't he?" she said innocently.

"I'm sorry, Jane." William looked at her with a wry smile. "It must have been the long trip. I assure you that I'm not the reason for your sister's transformation."

"Don't worry, Will." Jane laughed. "If you had heard what the neighbor said about Attila, what Elizabeth just said was baby talk."

"So, how's married life?" Charles asked as he grilled the asado later in the evening. 

William smiled and looked down. "Perfect, wonderful. I've never been so happy in my life."

"Yeah, yeah, you look fine." Charles punched him on the arm.

"You don't look that bad either." he punched him back.

"I can't ask for anything else right now." Charles turned to check on the grill. "How are you dealing with your work? You must be quite busy with Investments."

"Well, it takes a lot more time than New Projects, but at least I don't have to fly so often." 

Charles turned over the meat. "And Liz, is she already adapted to London's life?"

"It was a little difficult at the beginning. She was missing the farm and Jane and even her work. But then she attended a few seminars at Cambridge and we began the house hunt so she is busier now. She has an interview in Kew Gardens when we get back home. Hopefully, she'll start working soon." William looked down when Attila appeared and sat on his foot.

"Don't you dare, Attila!" Charles waved his fork at the dog. "Do you know what he did the other night?" he turned to William. "He stole the whole asado from the grill while we were setting the table. We ended up ordering pizza!" 

William laughed and petted the dog. "Trying to recover your energy, eh, you stud? I'm sure Lassie was worth the effort!"

 

"Well? Tell me." Elizabeth elbowed her sister on the ribs. 

"Oh, Liz, we are so happy together, everything is so wonderful. And you and Will?"

"Fabulous. He helped me so much in the beginning." Elizabeth said with a dreamy smile.

Jane washed the lettuce. "How's life there?"

"Lovely. Difficult at the beginning, but I like it." She cut the tomatoes. "I was very anxious to come so you could have a little more time for ourselves. William is quite busy with the company. They are reorganizing and it takes too much of his time. He tries to be home as much as he can, but sometimes he can't help it."

"Well, you married a top executive, you will have to deal with that."

"I can't complain anyway."

"Did you find the house you wanted?" Jane mixed the vegetables for the salad.

"Not yet." she shrugged. "But I'm not in a hurry. I like the flat, it's comfy. I made a few changes and it looks nice. I think it's fine for the two of us right now." Elizabeth bit a carrot. "Any news in the neighborhood?"

"Nothing outstanding. Carlota is marrying Colina in a couple of months and I heard that Lydia moved to the city." Just as she said that, Jane remembered how sensitive Elizabeth was about the robbery and William's injury. "I'm sorry, Liz, I didn't realize ..."

"No, it's fine, I'm quite over it. So, what is that slut doing?"

"The only thing she knows." Elizabeth raised her eyebrow and Jane continued in a lower tone. "The oldest profession in the world."

"I knew she would end up that way." Elizabeth began to dress the salad. "It only took her longer than I expected."

"Hey beautiful ladies!" Charles stormed into the kitchen with a tray with meat from the grill. "Ready to taste the best food of your life?"

"That looks great." Jane grinned. "The salad is ready. Will, the wine is over there, will you get it for me?"

"Sure." he kissed Elizabeth's cheek and they went towards the dining room.

During dinner, the Bingleys acquainted the Darcys with everything that occurred since their last visit and vice-versa. Between laughs, they related the misfortunes they suffered during their camping experience before Christmas, much to the other couple's amusement. Elizabeth was astonished that Charles had convinced Jane to sleep in a tent and eat in a place that didn't resemble a restaurant but the whole tale aroused in her the idea of going camping. She managed to convince William and it was decided: they were going camping in two days time.

"God, I'm tired." William emerged from the bathroom with one towel around his hips while drying his hair with another one.

"Me too." Elizabeth dropped herself on the bed. "The flight was too bumpy."

William rubbed his stomach. "Please, don't remind me about that." He lay on the bed beside her and pulled her closer.

"You are wet." Elizabeth made a face as his moist skin touched hers. 

"And you?" he smiled wickedly and slid his hand down to her rear.

"Will!" she almost jumped when he applied some very improper caresses.

"What?" He playfully moved his hands all around her. Elizabeth writhed and giggled because of his tickles and they wrestled until he (obviously) ended over her body and between her legs.

"I thought you were tired." she grinned.

"Not any more."

Two days later, before sunrise, the couple found themselves loading the dozens of things that Elizabeth prepared for the camping trip. William still didn't understand why they were taking so many things and when he asked Elizabeth, the only reply he obtained was a plain 'we'll need them'. Once everything was ready, she called Attila into the back seat.

"Is he coming with us?" he asked, puzzled.

"Of course." 

"Why?"

"We might need him, just in case." she said casually and then, talking to the dog, she added, "You're mommy's bodyguard, aren't you?"

Attila's tail tapped the seat and William swallowed. He didn't like that comment at all.

This time, Elizabeth drove the truck as William didn't have any idea where they were heading. For what he could see, they were going somewhere up the Paraná River, to a much wilder area than Encarnación. They drove for nearly an hour on the freeway and then they pulled out on a small road that entered a very forested zone until they reached the big river.

"This place is incredible. What is it called?" William descended the truck and opened the door for Attila.

"Gualeguay. Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Indeed. Where is the camping area?" he looked around.

Elizabeth looked at him oddly. "Here."

"Here?" They were indeed in the middle of nowhere. 

"Yes. What's wrong with it?"

"Without bathroom, or restaurant or electricity or civilization?" Now he understood why she brought so many things.

"Oh, dear." Elizabeth sighed. "Where is your sense of adventure?"

"I lost it in Malaysia." William said seriously.

Elizabeth gestured around her. "Will, this is the perfect camping site, private, natural, perfect. The closest house is half an hour away, we have the river right over there, and the land is pretty high so there is no risk of flooding."

"Flooding?"

"Yes, but not this time of the year." She went to the truck and began to unload all the stuff. "Will you help me here?"

Mutely and still trying to figure out how it was that he managed to get himself into this situation, William Darcy helped his wife to set the camp. Once everything was ready and the heat of the midday became unbearable, they sat in the shadow of the trees to eat the cold lunch that Elizabeth brought from the house. William thought that it wasn't that bad after all, a little wilderness couldn't kill anyone, and if he overlooked the oversized insects and the temperature, it was quite pleasing.

"That was very good, my love." He stood and stretched his body. "What do you think of a short nap?"

"Excellent. It's too hot to do anything else but sleep." She looked at William, who was looking around as if searching for something. "What are you looking for?"

"Hmmmmmm. " he frowned. "You said that the nearest house was half an hour away?"

"A little less if you walk through the forest. But then you'll get lost."

"Do you think they will allow me to use the bathroom?" he asked tentatively.

Elizabeth chuckled. "I don't think they even have one."

He raised his eyebrow. "And where are we supposed to ...?" he left the phrase unfinished.

Elizabeth looked all around her. "You have 2000 hectares of bathroom around you."

"You are not suggesting that I ..."

"I am." she placed a toilet paper roll on his hand. "Good luck, be careful with the snakes."

 

William returned from his tactical leave a little more tuned to this wilderness situation. The experience of fulfilling primary needs in the middle of the forest was a little traumatic for him but once he became used to the idea he began relax and feel comfortable with what was around him. He took his nap outside of the tent, in the shadow of a large tree and indulged himself in pure laziness until it was time for the mate. 

During the rest of the afternoon they remained by the riverbank trying their luck with the fish. By then, William savageness was almost reaching Elizabeth's, only slightly more snobbish. Though barefoot and dressed only in his denim shorts, he was still a little preoccupied about details as washing his hands in the river or touching the cookies with the same fingers he had just the cut earthworms for the hook. 

It was nearly sunset when Elizabeth lit the fire to cook dinner. Once again, William was very impressed that she was actually willing to grill the chicken right there on the ground and that she was readying everything with the light provided by kerosene lantern that she brought from home. But what was still keeping him in awe was how she was going to accomplish the task without burning the food or her hands in the process. 

"We are eating with our hands?" William asked when she handed him a chicken leg.

"Why not?" She shrugged

"It's … greasy." He looked at the offered leg with a frown

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "You can hold it with a paper napkin."

"What's wrong with forks and knives?"

"Will, we are camping."

"But that doesn't mean that I should behave like complete savage." he said defensively.

She smirked. "Like me?"

He didn't intend to sound that way, but that was exactly what he was thinking. "There are some things that were invent ..." He stopped when Elizabeth slapped a mosquito on his arm. She showed him the smashed animal adhered to her palm. 

"Elizabeth, that is an airplane, not a mosquito." he watched it closer. Why did he agree to this? 

She wiped the dead insect on her shorts and handed him the chicken leg. "Take it. If you want a dish, fork and knife, you will have to wash it later."

He took it with resignation. It was better to eat it with his hands that wash the stuff in the river. "I will never forgive you for this." he bit the chicken. "Mmmm. It's good."

"Yes, even better when you eat it with your hands."

"Don't try to corrupt me." he smiled.

She smiled back. "When was the last time you went camping?"

"Well, I ..." he counted with his fingers. "… twenty three years ago." He said after a pause.

She couldn't believe it. "William! You were ten years old! What kind of child were you?"

"A very civilized one." 

Elizabeth began to laugh. First William seemed offended but soon he was laughing at his own silliness too. They continued to eat and chat until the conversation was interrupted by a very unusual sound.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. 

William raised his eyebrow and looked around them but as Elizabeth continued to eat without even worrying about it, he did the same. When the sound persisted for a couple of minutes, he had to ask.

"What's that noise?"

"Turtles."

"Oh." he ate pensively for a while. "I didn't know turtles could produce sound."

"Oh, yes, they can." 

The eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh continued for a while, slow, persistent and William was intrigued about the reason.

"What do you think they are doing to make such a noise?"

"Mating." Elizabeth licked her fingers. That was the best chicken wing she had ever eaten.

He stared at her blankly. "They are ...?"

"Shagging."

This was incredible. In his 33 years of life he had never imagined that he would be faced with an event of the kind. The most silent, boring and slow creatures he had ever seen shagged like any other animal. Of course he knew that turtles reproduced, he would be quite ignorant if he thought they didn't, but it had never crossed his mind that they were so 'expressive' about it. It didn't take long for him to picture how they did it, different positions, the illustrated Kama-Sutra for turtles, she with a garter, he with a condom, and even the image of them lighting up a cigarette after they were done came to his mind. 

William repressed a smile and returned to his food, silently listening to the turtle's love song while trying to remain serious. He checked the time. Five more minutes. No wonder they were so slow when walking. 

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

"This guy is taking his time, isn't he?" William said quietly, his dimples appearing as he tried to hold back his mirth.

"They are turtles after all. They have to do it slow." Elizabeth bit her lip. She didn't want to look at William because she was sure she would be unable to repress her laughter.

The sound soon became louder but now mingled with another one.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, tk, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, tk, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, tk. Clear evidence that the shells were knocking.

William snorted. "He targeted." 

Elizabeth choked on her juice. 

He checked the time again. Twelve minutes. Quite a record. What was even funnier was that the sound turned louder and high pierced but it didn't increase in frequency. Then, it suddenly stopped.

"Oh boy, he's done." he never thought he would live to hear the orgasm of a turtle.

"Wait." Elizabeth raised her hand. "Sometimes they stop to rest for a while. It's kind of heavy to move that shell when shagging."

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. She was right, after a short pause, they resumed their activities, at the same slow pace.

"Bloody hell, I have to see that." William stood and walked in the direction of the river.

"I'll take the flashlight." Elizabeth ran after him.

They looked around for a while, giggling, following the sound, trying to find the mating turtles but it was fruitless. They returned to the camp laughing hysterically. When they reached the tent, William grabbed Elizabeth by the waist and pressed her to him.

"Will you tell me more about turtles' reproduction?" he grazed her throat.

"What do you want to know?" she rubbed her rear on the front of his shorts.

He removed her tank top. "If the shell is hard."

"Hard and slippery." she giggled.

They tumbled together inside the tent and discarded their remaining clothing. They wrestled for the top but William was stronger and soon he was over her, holding her so she couldn't move. The tent was completely dark, they couldn't see anything and they only guided themselves by sound and touch. In only a couple of seconds they were making love like animals. But soon the sound of a low and menacing growl distracted him from his activities.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

William stopped in his tracks and asked out of breath. "What's that?"

"Attila." Elizabeth responded just as breathlessly. "Don't worry, go on." 

He slowly resumed his activities, his heart and body focused on his wife, his mind paying attention to the noises coming from the outside the tent.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr …" the sound could freeze hell.

"Elizabeth, there is someone out there." he asked worriedly.

"I don't think so. Attila would have …"

It was then when they heard Attila's furious bark. The dog ran away, chasing after something and in a few seconds his growls mingled with the screams of a pig in what seemed to be a very fiery battle. Not one minute later, the sounds of the retreating pig faded into the night. William was still in shock -and obviously deflating- when the dog returned and sat beside the tent.

"What the hell was that?" William asked.

"A wild boar." Elizabeth responded, giving the matter little importance. She didn't want their lovemaking to be interrupted just because of the appearance of a wild creature.

William was frozen. "But …"

"Come on, you animal, you are not intimidated by a pig, are you?" she moved her hips invitingly.

"You said a wild boar." he said with a worried voice.

"Pig, wild boar, it's the same." she kissed his neck.

"It isn't." he began to move slowly within her. "Boars have these enormous teeth and …"

Elizabeth began to kiss him seductively, her tongue tempting his. "And they are the wildest studs there can be." she said in an attempt to distract him from his concerns.

William smiled in the darkness. He knew the game she was playing. "You'll have to talk very dirty to make me forget this."

"You want dirty talk?"

"Yes," he smiled.

"Come here." She took his face in her hands and brushed her lips along his jaw line until she reached his ear. She traced the outline of his ear with her tongue and spoke a very low "do you want to hear what I have for you, Mr. Darcy?"

Her breath in his ear made him shudder with excitement. "Tell me."

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

"Say it, you minx." he growled.

Elizabeth smiled wickedly and blew a little air in his ear. Then she began to eeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhh … eeeeeeeeeeeeeeehh … mimicking the sound of the horny turtles right in his ear. 

William exploded in laughter and rolled off his giggling wife. "There is no way I can go on with this after that, Elizabeth!"

"Why, don't you find it sexy?" she asked in a seductive voice.

"You are crazy!" he laughed.

"Am I?" she walked four legged over him and began to lick his chest and throat. "I am a savage, don't you remember?"

"I'm sure you are. What are you planning to do?" he grinned as he tried to restore his erection.

"Eat you." she suckled his Adam apple.

William groaned as his hips moved upwards to meet hers. 

She lowered herself to him and continued what was so ungraciously interrupted. After a wild, hard and very noisy ride, husband and wife finally were able to fulfill their most primal needs for that night.

Tired, embraced and in love, they fell asleep, lulled by the soft noises of the forest, their slumber only disturbed by the occasional cry of the turtles in heat.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh … eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh … eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

 

The End

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