Their Last Hope

By Elke

Jump to new as of October 22, 2003
Jump to new as of November 1, 2003
Jump to new as of November 8, 2003

Prologue

Posted on Saturday, 4 October 2003, at

August 16th , 1812

Charles Bingley looked over the rain washed square in front of his study window. He made a resolve. He would cancel the lease of Netherfield but he wouldn't take the coward's way out - he would go to Meryton and do it himself. Charles summoned his valet and told him to be ready the next morning and then wrote a note for his sister, telling her of his plan.

He was by now quite resigned to the fact that marital bliss for him did not include Jane Bennet but he fell asleep dreaming of his angel nonetheless, same as he had done for more than eight months now.

Fitzwilliam Darcy groaned inwardly. He'd miscalculated the time he had with his sister before her first visitors had come. His misfortune was increased by the fact that they were Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. Usually he was quite safe from them because they didn't venture out until later. It must have been some very good news that had brought them on Darcy´s doorstep at this hour because Miss Bingley looked like a cat that had swallowed the canary and Mrs. Hurst scarcely less pleased.

Darcy was a bit puzzled by this because most of the time he felt that either Georgiana or he himself were supposed to be the canary.

He didn't have to wait for long.

“I found a note form Charles this morning, he has gone to Netherfield to cancel the lease.”

So Jane Bennet was the canary.

Darcy instantly felt a little bit sick. He had thrown himself into work and he'd taken Miss Bennet's reproofs to heart. A stay at Pemberley had helped. Seeing Georgiana blossoming at their home was nearly enough to let him forget his disappointment of not having Elizabeth here with him. Nearly enough.

Sometimes it was hardly bearable, he felt her presence keenly. One particularly hot day after he had gone for a swim in the lake he could have sworn to having seen her on the lawn, looking at him, startled, blushing; blushing even more as she was taking in his attire.

As he had taken pains and time to examine his own conduct and attitude Miss Bingley's triumphant remark reminded him of his reluctance to think about Bingley's situation. With sudden clarity he saw his responsibility; he had to tell his friend everything - his own reasons, partly hidden to himself then in November, his sisters' views and Elizabeth's opinion on the matter.

While Darcy had avoided the subject of Jane Bennet in his interaction with Bingley, he had tried to suppress his urge to take responsibility for Bingley to influence him in any way. Now he had to tell him everything and leave Bingley to make his own decisions.

“Did he take the carriage or go by horse?”

Darcy´s question brought him surprised glances, alarmed surprise from Miss Bingley, puzzled surprise from Mrs Hurst and amused surprise from Georgiana. Georgiana had made the connection between Hertfordshire, Kent and her brother's mood some time earlier and - though he obviously had left quite a few things out - they'd had several revealing talks at home, in Pemberley, when Darcy´s spirits had begun to rise.

“The carriage, I think,” Miss Bingley answered.

Darcy stayed some more minutes and then excused himself on the pretence of business matters. He saw Georgiana suppress a smile but he really had to tidy up some things if he was to follow Bingley to Netherfield on horseback today.

Chapter 1

Posted on Tuesday, 7 October 2003

Elisabeth watched another crisp morning dawn over Longbourn as hopelessness settled yet again. On coming home after her trip with the Gardiners to the Lakes she was surprised to find the house in uproar. Mr. Bennet was about to travel to London with the purpose of finding Lydia - or at least of finding a trace of her that could be interpreted as a sign that the couple were heading for Gretna Green. Lydia and Mr. Wickham! Lizzy had argued with her father before going into Kent, pleading for not allowing Lydia to travel to Brighton with the Fosters. But not in her wildest dreams would she have thought her youngest sister in any danger from that corner, being too poor for a man on the lookout for an heiress. Even after reading Mr. Darcy´s letter such a possibility never entered her mind. Mr Gardiner persuaded his brother to stay in Hertfordshire and learn as much as possible about Wickham there while he went to London himself to look for Lydia. Mrs Gardiner stayed in Longbourn, helping Lizzy and Jane with their mother.

It soon became clear over the following week, that Lydia and Mr. Wickham did indeed not go to Gretna Green. They were hiding somewhere in London, hiding well it appeared because no trace of them was to be found. Wickham no doubt was quite well schooled in this game - if not from hiding from angry brothers or fathers then from debtors. Lizzy's spirit hit rock bottom - even if her thoughts were very far from matrimony at this moment, she grieved for Jane and her younger sisters. Their chances for a decent match had never been great, now they had become nonexistent.

Secretly Lizzy had hoped that Jane at least would be able to marry for love, her character and beauty making up for her lack of a significant dowry. And she had been well on the road to a love match until Mr. Bingley quitted Hertfordshire all of a sudden. This train of thought brought her to the main reason for Bingley´s flight, Mr. Darcy.

After her refusal of his proposal in Hunsford, and even more after reading his letter, Elizabeth had spent a great deal of thought on her own behaviour: She had been blind and all too quick to condemn a fellow being. Lizzy had made a resolve to better herself and to curb her tongue, but otherwise lost no thoughts on the man himself. He was handsome and he was rich, nothing wrong with that. Obviously he was also a caring brother, but still …

If he hadn´t meddled the way he had done their family might have been spared some of the misfortunes that had befallen them lately. Jane wouldn`t have been heartbroken and maybe her marriage would have prevented Lydia from accompanying Mrs. Foster because Lizzy was quite sure that her father wouldn´t have allowed her youngest sister to miss Jane´s wedding.

But after the first fit of anger in this familiar direction she forced herself to be reasonable. And possibly even just. If meddling in other´s lives was no doubt to be reproached, trying to prevent one´s best friend from a loveless match was not. And did not Lydia´s behaviour prove his estimation of her family to be correct? And Mr. Bennet´s longing for peace and solitude in his house had overruled his sense of propriety before, therefore Lydia might as well have been in Brighton - wedding or not. No, after some deliberation the only things left for Lizzy to blame on Mr. Darcy were an unasked interference in Bingley´s life and bad manners. Nothing to render him amiable or make him a welcome acquaintance, but surely no competition for Wickham for the villain of the year.

Well, about an acquaintance she needn´t worry now, no one in his or her right mind would want to socialize with her family. Maybe in time some of their Hertfordshire friends would start to call on them again, at times when this was unlikely to be observed and of course only these who hadn´t any daughters or nieces that might be tainted by such company. She rather knew than felt that in time such a fate would be borne with equanimity by herself, that she might find solace in walks, books, conversations with Jane and her father, but at this moment she nearly despaired when picturing their future life in Longbourn.

Before spinning more gloomy thoughts Lizzy endeavoured to stick to logic instead of anger and despair. What struck her as most peculiar in Darcy´s conduct was, that in professing his wish to prevent Bingley from a loveless match, he revealed a view on matrimony Lizzy would never have ascribed to a man of his station, a man as proud, as conscious of the rules and realities of a class where to marry for love was considered slightly vulgar, even half-witted.

She was sure that the reason he gave for hindering the match was real and not just an excuse with a more favourable ring than pure condescension. Lizzy believed him on that account - if he had separated Jane and Bingley solely because he deemed her family beneath Bingley he would have said so. He professed such opinions in his own proposal to her for heaven's sake!

Not wanting to dwell on all this any longer Lizzy looked for something to occupy her mind. Having read most of the books they had in the library at Longbourn and with her aunt and young cousins out she flipped through the newspaper. Young ladies were not supposed to read newspapers beside the society pages, alas, neither Mr. Bennet nor Mr. Gardiner found this particular rule of propriety a sensible one.

Not being interested in military news Lizzy nearly over read something: the ..- regiment had moved camp to Scotland. That was Colonel Fitzwilliam´s regiment. The very Colonel Mr. Darcy had written her to approach if she wanted confirmation of his tale of all his dealings with Wickham. A thought began to form in her mind. Quickly she ran upstairs to retrieve Mr. Darcy´s letter, well hidden among her belongings. Although she nearly knew it by heart now she wanted confirmation. There it was: he mentioned a Mrs. Younge, Miss Darcy´s companion but also a longstanding acquaintance of Wickham and then a willing accomplice in his mercenary plans. This was the first real chance of finding Wickham and Lydia. Lizzy scolded herself for not thinking of it earlier. She was quite sure that Col. Fitzwilliam would have told her father and uncle everything he knew of Mrs. Younge´s whereabouts. She returned to the newspaper only to be disappointed. The regiment was to return in October! Too late for salvaging anything of Lydia´s reputation.

If they were still hidden somewhere in London, if Mrs. Younge was also in London, if indeed Wickham had turned to her when coming to town - with Col. Fitzwilliam now in Scotland Mr. Darcy was maybe the only tangible clue to the runaways whereabouts.

Lizzy shuddered with the thought of telling Darcy the whole sordid tale and begging for his assistance. She shoved the whole idea aside as ridiculous.

But could Lizzy really run the risk of missing this slight chance for them to find Lydia?

She decided not longer to dwell and think about this again in the morning, with a clear head. But sleep evaded her. Lizzy tried to predict Mr. Darcy´s reaction. Would he be annoyed? Embarrassed? Affronted? Quite likely all of this, even angry, angry for her presumption to write to him with such a mission after all that happened between them.

However - somehow she was very sure that he wouldn´t deny her any knowledge of how to find Mrs. Younge out of spite. Why hesitate? To her astonishment Lizzy had to concede that it bothered her whether Mr. Darcy knew of Lydia´s infamous conduct or not. He was bound to hear of it sooner or later, so why should she care?

Chapter 2

Posted on Friday, 10 October 2003, at

August 18th, 1812

Morning already began to dawn, therefore Lizzy left her bed and dressed. Her courage would leave her if she didn't start to prepare herself for a call on Mr. Bingley soon.

She had spent nearly the whole night writing a letter to Mr Darcy. The news that Mr Bingley had returned to Netherfield had reached Longbourn the very day. Elizabeth felt that she could trust Bingley, even if he wouldn´t forward her letter to Darcy he would not gossip about it. Sending the letter by herself was impossible, the news about yet another Bennet sister´s lack of propriety would spread in no time from the Meryton post office.

She would need a chaperone and if she wanted to avoid questions from her relatives, who would quite likely forbid her to go, they would have to start early. The call could not be concealed but she would face the consequences later.

Upon hearing the first noises from the kitchen Elizabeth went downstairs. After partaking a cup of tea she asked Hill to accompany her.

Taking the carriage was out of the question so Lizzy decided that they would walk. Hill was surprised by Elizabeth's request but as she knew Miss Elizabeth from infancy on to be an intelligent and steady person she didn't ask for a reason or a destination.

When outside Longbourn Park, Lizzy outlined her plan for Hill. The housekeeper thought it to be a sensible one, stressing that she hadn't thought so very ill of Mr. Darcy even last autumn.

Upon reaching Netherfield, Lizzy slowed her steps, suddenly very apprehensive. It was very early yet, so early that the appropriate time for visits wouldn't start until at least two hours later. Lizzy could be sure not to meet any visitors but on the other hand it was quite possible that Mr Bingley was not up yet.

Be it as it might, she squared her shoulders and knocked. Hill, sensing her hesitation stepped closer. Elizabeth presented the butler with her card and asked to speak to Mr Bingley on business on her absent father's behalf.

Charles Bingley was about to send for his horse to be readied for a morning ride when Miss Elizabeth Bennet was announced on business. He briefly wondered whether this had anything to do with her sister. On his arrival his valet - who had heard rumours - had informed him that some sort of scandal was threatening the Bennets, evolving around the youngest it would appear, but no one knew specifics yet. Bingley sighed.

He had planned to call on the Lucases and the Bennets but now … his heart told him that Jane would need him especially now, his mind told him that Darcy and his sisters had been right with their view of the unsuitability of the family.

Darcy. His friend had surprised him yesterday with his arrival late in the evening, on horseback and in a strange mood. As Bingley was about to retire then Darcy had asked him whether he'd undertaken anything yet. Bingley negated and was surprised by Darcy´s palpable relief and the urgency with which he bid him not to do anything until they had a chance to talk in the morning.

Bingley motioned for Miss Bennet to be sent in.

“Good morning, Miss Bennet.”

“Good morning, Mr Bingley.”

“You are here on business, I understand.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Let us go to the study then.”

Elizabeth followed him into the study, leaving the door open and seating herself in full sight of Hill but not so near that the housekeeper could understand everything that was said if they did not talk too loudly.

“Mr Bingley, I will be honest. My father has some business matters to deal with you but they can wait. I have a very unusual request to make and I beg you, if you cannot comply, please do not tell anybody about it.”

“Miss Bennet, I will help you if I can.”

“Very well, I appreciate your meaning well, but let me assure you, I will not hold it against you will you deny me my request. - Maybe you have heard of my youngest sister's elopement.”

Elizabeth looked at Bingley expectantly.

“My valet hinted that some sort of scandal threatened your family, but I haven't heard of an elopement.”

“I am grateful that news hasn't spread too far yet. Unfortunately, Lydia eloped from Brighton with Mr Wickham and there is no trace of them on the road to Scotland.”

When Bingley nodded in understanding she continued.

“I can think of a way to find them and for this I would need your help. - Mr Darcy once mentioned that Wickham has acquaintances in London. As I think it likely that they will turn to them, I wondered whether you could send this letter asking for names and addresses to Mr Darcy for me. I left it open for you to read, it contains nothing improper, yet it is impossible for me to send it by myself now, as the behaviour of all of us is under very close scrutiny now.”

Bingley was very uneasy. It was not the request which made him so, no, he thought of how Jane must suffer. Then he registered the desperation in Miss Bennet's features as she feared that he would decline.

“Miss Bennet, I would gladly send your letter for you, but …”

“There you are, read it if you want.”

“No you misunderstand me, it is not that I will not send it but it is not necessary, you see.”

“If you are aware of Wickham´s acquaintances too I'd be …”

“No, I am not. What I want to say is that Darcy arrived here last night unexpectedly. I will go and fetch him.”

Bingley stood up quickly and left but still registered the shock and deep blush on Miss Bennet's face.

Chapter 3

Posted on Thursday, 16 October 2003

Elizabeth was shocked and at the end of her wit. She wasn't prepared to meet Mr. Darcy. What must he think of her? Imagining him reading her letter, reading of her sister's sin, was hard enough but seeing the resentment face to face was more than she could bear. She was of a mind to run away when she heard steps approaching.

Darcy was dumbstruck when Bingley, who had taken the task of looking for Darcy himself to prevent gossip among the servants, told him that Miss Elizabeth Bennet was in the study waiting for him.

With a short knock Mr. Darcy entered and bowed to her.

He looked pale and tired, as if he hadn't had more sleep than she'd had the past week. Elizabeth drew her breath and tried to start with what she had prepared to say.

Darcy noticed her uneasiness and the uncharacteristic struggle for words. Upon his entering, when he saw her looking little better than himself, he had to squelch a sudden urge of triumph, of satisfaction, that obviously she hadn't fared any better than he the last months. But immediately reason interrupted such thoughts.

Though he couldn't fathom what brought her into Bingley's house, he was absolutely certain that it was no change of mind. Possibly something to do with her eldest sister because she looked truly distressed. Darcy had thought to feel anger and resentment should he by chance ever see her again but none of these feelings arose. Her rejection had hurt and angered him but somehow the fateful evening in the parsonage had heightened his respect for her in the rational part of his mind. And in realizing this he felt all the more what he had lost - or rather failed to gain.

So now he was unable to stand by and watch her misery.

“Good morning, Miss Bennet, won't you sit down? Would you care for tea?”

“Good morning, Mr Darcy, thank you.”

Lizzy sat down but rose again and started pacing the room, trying desperately to say out loud what she had written in her letter.

“Forgive my intrusion into your privacy, Mr Darcy. I have come to ask for your, ah, advice in a matter. I hope you are in possession of information which could help my family very much. I had planned to ask Mr Bingley to convey my plea. I wouldn't have called knowing you were here.”

There, the first bit was said.

“You couldn't have known as Bingley himself didn't know that I was coming. How can I help you?”

What was meant as an encouragement seemed to make it even more difficult for Lizzy to tell her sordid tale. She had come prepared for resentment and aloofness but not this.

“I wouldn't have disturbed you, believe me, I'd rather send my father to Colonel Fitzwilliam but only after learning of the removal of his regiment to Scotland for the summer did I think of this possibility.”

Darcy´s impatient nod told her to continue.

“I have come to ask you for the whereabouts of Mrs Younge, if you know them or a last address.”

Darcy´s quick look at Hill outside the study door induced her to tell him.

“Mrs Hill is a bit hard of hearing and otherwise the soul of discretion. Rest assured that I have told nobody of ,ah, Mrs. Younge's former position, otherwise I wouldn't have had to resort to the improper action of asking Mr. Bingley to send a letter to you for me. My father and my uncle wouldn't be convinced of your being able to be of assistance without any further confirmation; confirmation I am not prepared to give. That is why I am here.”

Explaining her request was unexpectedly difficult for Lizzy. Though angered by the style of his address in his proposal to her she'd not been insensible to the great compliment he had paid her. Any esteem he had for her must vanish now - and this bothered her more than she chose to admit. Unable to face him she started pacing again and said,

“My youngest sister Lydia had been staying with Colonel and Mrs. Foster in Brighton. From there she eloped with Mr. Wickham but now it is quite certain that they haven't gone to Scotland but remain hidden in London.”

She was staring out of the window, trying to maintain her composure. Lizzy certainly felt like crying but she wouldn't, no. Squaring her shoulders she turned around to gauge Darcy´s reaction.

What she saw was not contempt.

For a moment he had dropped his guard and Lizzy realized just how much she had hurt him. She had berated herself for her prejudices and for the arrogance with which she had condemned him so quickly and still hadn't thought of his feelings once when trying to decide whether to ask for his help or not. In her selfish disdain for his feelings she'd only thought of hers, and of her family's, but never considered whether the slim possibility of salvaging Lydia's reputation with the help of his knowledge would justify the anguish her visit obviously meant for him.

Deeply ashamed she turned away again. She could offer no apology, no justification, talking would only make the situation worse.

Darcy had dropped his eyes when he read the sudden understanding in her face. He was angry with himself for having been caught. Elizabeth had called him proud and pride he had, he would not humble himself further, at least not before her.

“I would think it wise to accompany you back and talk to your father.”

His businesslike tone was helpful.

“My uncle has gone to London, my father is still in Longbourn, trying to learn something from the other officers. - But giving me her address will suffice, my uncle will know how to proceed.”

“They are ignorant of your coming here, aren't they?”

“Yes, I saw no other way, I couldn't have persuaded them to call on you without divulging too much of, ah, your family's connection with Wickham.”

“I am grateful that you chose this course of action.”

His expression was unreadable, stern.

“I have enough material to threaten Mrs. Younge in a very, ah, convincing manner where your father and uncle have nothing but honour. Besides, I am only doing what I should have done last summer. Believe me, madam; any arguments on your side are futile.”

With a nod Elizabeth acquiesced.

Darcy reached for the bell pull to summon the carriage but stopped himself.

“Would you rather walk?”

This brought a very short-lived smile on her face. Short-lived because every indication of thoughtfulness on his side only heightened her shame. Looking at Hill who wasn't a proficient walker she answered.

“I think the carriage would be preferable, thank you.”

Darcy asked the footman to look for Bingley. When he arrived he asked his friend for the use of the carriage which Bingley granted and asked to accompany them. Darcy seemed uneasy and unsure of something and after a moment of deliberation bade Elizabeth to excuse them for a moment.

Bingley looked puzzled but followed his friend with a shrug of shoulders.

Elizabeth joined Hill in the anteroom of the study. The housekeeper patted her hand reassuringly.

“Do not worry, Miss, you have done the right thing. And maybe it is as well that Mr. Darcy is here.”

Lizzy only nodded. She couldn't help but notice the raised voices from the library.

Chapter 4

Posted on Thursday, 16 October 2003

“I am sorry, Bingley, for causing you so much inconvenience.”

“I do not care for my carriage and a guestroom, Darcy, but I wondered why you summoned me to the library, now.”

Darcy cringed as he knew his friend was right.

“Again I am sorry, but first my fault and now circumstances led to this, ah, situation.”

“Explain yourself.”

“Very well. I followed you to Netherfield when your sister told me of your plan of quitting the house for good. I felt it to be necessary to acquaint you with a few things before taking this step.”

Darcy knew how condescending this sounded and hurried to continue.

“I know this sounds incredibly haughty. I have been made aware of my faults with taking too much of your responsibilities upon myself, for you are perfectly capable of making your own decisions. You have possibly noticed that for the last two months I have refrained from advising you if you didn't ask specifically.”

“We didn't see each other often, but yes, I noticed. Come to the point, Darcy, Miss Elizabeth doesn't appear to be in a state where she should be kept waiting long.”

“Right. You remember of course our talk about the Bennets last November? - I want to tell you that Miss Jane Bennet was in London from Christmas to February and called on your sisters, a fact which I was aware of but didn't tell you. I apologise, I should never have interfered.”

“She was in London all those months and you knew?”

“Yes, I thought … “

“You thought! This is beneath you, Darcy, I am disappointed!”

“I know it and I deserve your anger. Please believe me that my only intention was to save you from a marriage of unequal affection. Though the intention is not dishonourable I know now that I shouldn't have interfered.”

“Yes, yes, you have been made aware of … by whom, may I ask?”

Darcy pacing, blushing, cringing and twisting his pinky ring - Bingley hadn't seen his friend in such a state before.

“Miss Elizabeth said so when we met in Kent at Easter.”

“Ah, and did she say something of her sister's feelings as well.”

“She hinted of her being disappointed when you quit Hertfordshire.”

“I do not know what to say, Darcy. We can talk about this later, I know that I am to blame as well, if I loved her truly I shouldn't have yielded to any persuasion.”

Upon their return to the drawing room Bingley observed his friend and Miss Elizabeth closely and drew some conclusions from their uneasiness in each others presence and the fact that Darcy, a very private man if there ever was, had discussed such things with her.

When seated in the carriage Elizabeth felt it necessary to apologize but couldn´t think of a way to without causing them both more embarrassment.

Darcy´s mien was serious, he appeared to be lost in thoughts. Lizzy made a resolve to try to be calm. What had happened had happened and what she´d done she had done, there was no way to take words and actions back.

Darcy began to question the wisdom of accompanying her. He grew angry with himself for giving in to his instincts. When she had looked so lost in her grief it had seemed the only possible course of action but now he regretted it. He could have sent her home with assurances of his help, looked for Wickham himself and then, under some pretense, make Mr Bennet aware of the scoundrels lodgings. Why come to him if she thought so ill of him? Obviously she believed what he had stated in his letter but why come to somebody so full of `selfish disdain´? Darcy didn't think her capable of just using her power over him for her purposes. Her reaction to his involuntarily bearing his soul in the study earlier seemed proof of that. Maybe she had put the cause of preventing her family´s honour above her feelings and expected the same of him. That she thought him capable of that could be a good sign. L-d, he was really grasping for straws!

Darcy´s attention focused on Elizabeth. She seemed very uneasy. Anxious even and he remembered that Georgiana often had told him how frightening he looked when deep in thought. He tried to think of a way to ease her distress but came up with nothing that wouldn't embarrass them both or hurt at least himself and he was in no mood to inflict this upon himself right now.

Lizzy faced the possibly longest carriage ride in her whole life. She thought she could feel the hostility emanating from Mr Darcy and began to feel if not less guilty than less sorry for him. But she would sort through all this later, for now she ought to concentrate on bringing together her father and Mr Darcy with as little embarrassment as possible and without giving away anything of Miss Darcy´s secret.

Darcy´s features took an even more grim set while looking out at Longbourn Park passing.

They alighted and Hill quickly left them to go around to the back entrance. Just then Mr Bennet came out of the door.

Chapter 5

Posted on Sunday, 19 October 2003,

At first Mr Bennet´s mien showed relief at seeing Lizzy, a sentiment that was quickly replaced with anger at noticing Mr Darcy. With an impatient nod he signaled them to follow him into the empty drawing room. Without any further greetings he burst forth

"Are you out of your senses, Elizabeth? I wouldn´t have expected it from you to run around wild around the country and call unchaperoned on young men! Have you too lost all sense of propriety? And don´t you dare telling me you met by accident!"

Lizzy felt this unjust accusations like a slap. More hurt than angered she only managed to stammer

"But Father,.."

Darcy saw all his reasons to dread his coming with Elizabeth confirmed. He bristled with anger and was of a mind to call Mr Bennet out and take her away from such a family. But he wouldn´t want to be all her - and his - embarrassment and grief for nothing - as it surely would be if he answered Mr Bennet now with what he had in mind. A lifelong habit of suppressing his feelings served him well now and enabled him to halt Elizabeth´s shocked struggle for words with a small gesture and answer Mr Bennet calmly.

"Mr Bennet, please accept my assurances that neither propriety nor sense were violated by Miss Elizabeth´s call. You might have missed her companion who went around to the back of the house and if you have any further doubts about her visit feel free to apply to Mr Bingley. I hope you will credit me with not suspecting him to anything untoward."

This seemed indeed to halt Mr Bennet and Elizabeth was astonished beyond anything. As by now being able to read Mr Darcy fairly well she had feared for the worst when her father accosted them. After sensing that Mr Darcy seethed with anger and indignation she marveled at his ability to deal with Mr Bennet with calm efficiency. Mr Bennet excused himself from the room without an answer.

Mr Darcy relaxed visibly and turned round to see how Lizzy was fairing. Neither saw Mrs Gardiner, whom the shouting had drawn from the morning room, standing in the doorway. Elizabeth had hidden her face in her hands and was sobbing quietly. As Darcy hesitated, unsure of what to do Mrs Gardiner stepped forward.

"I have sent for Jane already; Madeline Gardiner at your service."

"Fitzwilliam Darcy, pleased to meet you."

As Lizzy looked up she was offered two handkerchiefs.

"Lizzy, Mr Darcy, please accept my apologies on behalf of my brother in law. I am very sure that his own will follow shortly, he has been under a terrible strain these past days."

"I understand, do not worry," Darcy answered.

With a hurried curtsey Elizabeth quit the room when hearing her sister´s footsteps outside. Mrs Gardiner motioned Darcy to sit down. When seated she looked at Mr Darcy expectantly.

"Miss Bennet and the housekeeper, I believe, called on me to ask for information of Mr Wickham´s whereabouts. I grew up with him, a fact Miss Bennet is aware of. I do not want to raise any false hopes but I know of some people in London Wickham is likely to turn to."

Mrs Gardiner had been impressed with Mr Darcy earlier when seeing him handling Mr Bennet but now she was at loss for words.

"Well, Mr Darcy that would be our first real clue as to their hiding place. I´d be grateful if you would provide me with names and possibly addresses."

"I´d rather go and look for myself. From our university days on I knew that he shouldn´t be permitted into polite society but was content with him never crossing my path again, without any consideration of other people he might easily fool with his happy manners. Looking for him how is the least I can do as a remedy for my negligence."

Mrs Gardiner argued this point but soon had to realize that Mr Darcy would not sway. Both agreed on keeping in contact and were about to part with mutual respect for the good sense of the other when Mr Bennet made his reappearance. Darcy was still angry on Elizabeth's behalf, she had been chiefly insulted and hurt by her father's outburst, but seeing Mr Bennet still rattled he was prepared to listen to his apology.

"Mr Darcy, I hope that someday you can accept my apologies for my unpardonable behaviour earlier."

The most prominent emotion on his face was self reproach and as Darcy thought Mr Bennet by no means a foolish man but a man who knew - despite his words before - where his share of the blame in all this laid, he answered kinder than intended.

"Do not trouble yourself, Mr Bennet. Seeing a child falling prey to such a villain can easily put a sensible man on the edge."

"You are more forgiving than I deserve, young man, as was Lizzy. She explained everything to me."

Darcy was pleased that Mr Bennet had already spoken to Elizabeth, he felt that she would be very unhappy being at odds with her father.

Lizzy had been hurt and bitterly disappointed by her father and yet there was another reason for her crying. She had - though in no way blind to her father´s faults - always looked up to him and felt happy and secure knowing to be his favourite. She´d assumed that he trusted her, that he had let her `run wild´ - in her own way - because he knew that she wouldn´t go astray. But now she had to face that it was not trust on Mr Bennet´s side but neglect, the same as in Lydia and Kitty´s case, a feeling of not wanting to trouble himself.

And the realization that Mr Darcy´s condemnation of her family was even more accurate that she´d thought before didn´t help either.

So when Mr Bennet knocked Lizzy´s spirits were as low as possible.

"Lizzy, I am sorry. I fully understand you´re being angry with me. You got without any reason what Lydia deserves. And Lydia wouldn´t if I had taken the trouble to check her earlier. - I was worried about your absence, but that is no excuse."

Lizzy explained - without betraying Miss Darcy´s secret - her reasons for concealing the visit and stressed again that every nuance of propriety was adhered to. They parted on good terms, Mr Bennet however with the knowledge that at least from now on his favourite would see him as the fallible human he was.

From Lizzy´s behaviour it was clear to Mr Bennet that her estimation of Darcy had changed somehow and he couldn´t find fault with her reasoning, but why Mr Darcy would be part in their search remained a puzzle for now.

One he intended to solve.

Chapter 6

During dinner Mr Bennet cautioned his family against attaching too many hopes to Mr Darcy´s visit. Not said in so many words but clearly on his mind was the possibility that Darcy was playing along just to get his distraught visitor - Elizabeth - home safely and would forget about the matter as soon as he was out of the door of Longbourn .

Lizzy knew that in her father the cautious farmer spoke and not his conviction of Darcy being so whimsical or deceiving. For she knew him to be capable of speaking his mind freely, he would have sent her away without hesitation if he didn't mean to help them but Lizzy didn't want to share her more intimate knowledge of Mr Darcy's character - and how she came by it - with her family.

Their unjust implications about his character didn´t sit well with her and knowing that their prejudices wouldn´t be so strong hadn´t she expressed hers so violently didn´t help either.

Elizabeth retired early. She was grateful for the quietness of her room and the solitude to let the day pass before her again. Shame filled her afresh. Lizzy stuck to her resolve not to fret over words and things said and done but she forced herself to examine clearly why she´d been so careless and insensitive about Mr Darcy´s feelings. After reading his letter she had thought about her prejudices a lot but had failed to change her attitude. Elizabeth had to accuse herself of the same failing as she had him, a selfish and arrogant disdain for the feelings of others.

During the beginning of their acquaintance she had been cautioned by Jane and Charlotte against discarding Mr Darcy so lightly after so short a time but she´d chosen to ignore them.

Lizzy wondered about how many more people she might have done wrong. Charlotte certainly had been hurt by Lizzy´s spontaneous reaction to her engagement to Mr Collins. And Jane! Had she made things worse for her beloved sister with her tirades against Mr Darcy and Bingley´s sisters? Elizabeth had thought Jane´s view of the world to be naďve but was it her place to judge? Jane had chosen to see only the best in people, for she wasn´t lacking in wit, only she choose not to apply it. Her way of dealing with unpleasantness was trying to like it where as she, Elizabeth, was amusing herself with making fun of it.

Only sometimes - Lizzy was no longer sure of how often - she overdid it and indulged herself in petty prejudices.

Elizabeth was still aware of the fact that Mr Darcy was not without blame in their misunderstandings and the painful last encounter in Kent but the more clearly she saw her share the less could she bare the knowledge of how much she´d hurt him.

She would dearly like to undo this yet talking openly with him and asking for forgiveness was out of the question. Even if by chance an opportunity for talking in private would arise she couldn´t do it because of him. Seeing her was obviously painful for Darcy and her seeking his forgiveness might even raise hopes with him she couldn´t meet, crushing them would mean even more grief for him. No, having his forgiveness would relieve Elizabeth´s conscience but asking for it would be utterly selfish.

She tried hard to find sleep but it evaded her, today's events playing in her mind over and over.

It wasn´t as much the look in Darcy´s eyes that moment in his study as his little gesture when he was answering her angry father. She knew that Mr Bennet´s address must have been an insult of the highest kind for Mr Darcy and still he had looked out for her comfort first before dealing with her father. Elizabeth rather expected this to make her feel even worse but instead felt oddly comforted. She choose not to dwell on this particular feeling and soon fell asleep.

Mr Bennet in the meanwhile prepared to go to London. He would have dearly liked Lizzy to go with him, he felt the rift in their relationship acutely and wanted her near him, thus enabling him to try and mend it. He approached Mrs Gardiner with his plan and found support in her for the good lady thought of herself to be of better use in Longbourn than in London, also the children had more opportunities to entertain themselves in the country, a crucial fact in times of trial. Yet a female should be with them if Lydia was found and Mrs Gardiner thought Lizzy the second best choice - Jane would have been the first but in her heart Mrs Gardiner didn´t think that Lydia deserved the sister who would be kinder with her. And there was Mr Bingley also. No, Lizzy would go to London.

Chapter 7

Posted on Sunday, 26 October 2003

Elizabeth made no objection to going to London, her mother´s constant complaints were wearing on her nerves, added to the bitter self reproach she subjected herself. During the carriage ride she guessed her father´s reason to take her with him but was too dejected to think on it further.

In London Mr Gardiner apprised his brother of his search, fruitless as it had been. He was astonished at hearing of Mr Darcy´s offer to help but inclined to Mr Bennet´s view of it.

There wasn´t anything to do for them besides waiting. Mr Bennet started a habit of accompanying his brother-in-law to his warehouse. The day after a short note from Mr Darcy arrived. His enquiries had confirmed their belief of Lydia and Wickham to be hidden somewhere in London. He assured them that they would hear from him again shortly.

Mr Gardiner shook his head doubtfully, proclaiming that this meant bad news and that the second note would never come. Elizabeth read the note differently. She was quite sure that Darcy already had a tangible clue and that his promised letter would bring good news indeed. She was about to share her opinion but the puzzled look her father shot her when seeing her disagreeing with her uncle´s estimations of the situation silenced her.

But Mr Bennet was curious and said

“Brother, I think Lizzy is more hopeful, aren´t you, child?”

“I think that Mr Darcy would not deceive us. If he says he will write soon then he will write, I believe him to be honest to a fault.”

“I think I can follow your line of reasoning, Lizzy. To be rude is certainly a form of honesty.”

“You mistake my meaning, Father.”

“Well, time will tell.”

The next day brought a letter. A letter from Jane that was. She was begging Lizzy to stay in London for Lydia´s sake

“… Although I hope the best for their marriage and am quite inclined to think that only deepest love induced them to elope, I fear that in the long run Lydia´s marriage will not be as happy as she deserves - with a husband who shows some weakness of character by letting so much time go by between the elopement and the marriage. Lydia will be very much disappointed not to have a bridesmaid; Lizzy, I know how distasteful this task must appear to you but please do it for her sake.”

Elizabeth was moved, not as much by Jane´s pleas as by the reason she gave. That had been the most unforgiving sentiment Jane had ever uttered. And she was right, as Mrs Wickham, Lydia´s future looked bleak, the marriage - Elizabeth was sure that Darcy would find them - could be nothing else but a hurried and quick affair. She owed it to her little sister at least to try to create something resembling a proper marriage.

When the bell rang Lizzy opened the door herself, hoping it to be the waited for note from Darcy.

It was the man himself, in the process of straightening and smoothing his somewhat rumpled appearance. Lizzy had to smile at this picture, she herself was not foreign to such last minute efforts on improvements but never expected the always impeccably attired Mr Darcy to have to refer to such measure. Darcy blushed at being caught, and by Elizabeth of all people but when he beheld her fond smile he was reconciled with the situation. He knew he would gladly sleep in his clothes for weeks if it was what it took to make her smile at him like this. Elizabeth read in Darcy´s face what she was doing and stepped back to let him in, embarrassed about her behaviour.

“Good day to you, Mr Darcy.”

“Good day, Miss Bennet, how do you do?”

“I am fine, thank you. Will you come into the drawing room? Unfortunately neither my father nor my uncle is in. I stayed back in case any news would come.”

“Ah, yes, I have good news actually. They are found, that's why I came to fetch your father. I left my coachman in the inn, just in case. I don´t really think Wickham would flee.”

“That is wonderful news. How is Lydia?”

A shadow crossed his face.

“Not too, er, inclined to listen to reason I am afraid, she refused to come with me.”

“I am sorry, that sounds just like Lydia. Would you like tea?”

“Your aunt would be quite angry with me if I sat down on her settee in these clothes, I think I should just go and fetch your father.”

Lizzy looked closer at his appearance. His clothes were dusty and his boots would give his valet trouble although it looked as if he had put on old ones anyway. What made her start was a smear of something dark on his coattails and the fact that he seemed to hide his right hand from her view.

“Are you hurt? Did Wickham do this?”

“Just a scratch really, and no, it was my own clumsiness that made me stumble.” Darcy waved his hand dismissively.

“I will take you to my father, he's in Uncle Gardiner's warehouse but you have to clean this. Come to the study if you won't go into the drawing room.”

Darcy did as he was bid and Elizabeth left to fetch some things from the housekeeper. He had removed his hat and wiped his face when Elizabeth returned with some towels, a small basin of water and a jug of lemonade.

The latter he took gladly. Darcy was taken by surprise and offered no resistance when Elizabeth reached for his hand.

“You're right, it's just a scratch, a bad one though and those splinters have to come out.”

Carefully Elizabeth removed the splinters, holding his hand and occasionally turning it for better light. Darcy was torn between forcing himself not to read too much into her actions and simply enjoying the feeling of her holding his hand. Elizabeth realized somewhere in the middle of her self appointed task what she was doing. With embarrassment she felt her neck and ears grow hot.

Having applied some brandy on the scratch she asked Darcy for his handkerchief.

“I am afraid it is no longer presentable.”

“Never mind, this has hardly any flowers on it.”

With that she tied her own handkerchief securely around his hand and looked away, unsure of what to say.

“Thank you, Miss Bennet.”

Elizabeth scolded herself inwardly for her awkward behaviour - she had held his hand before when they had danced but still, the feeling of his lean and strong fingers in hers had affected her.

“´Twas nothing. I never … that is …. You getting hurt…”

Lizzy wanted to tell him that she didn´t want him get hurt, not now and not then, but knew this subject shouldn't be broached by her.

“Do not worry, Miss Bennet. I've had more scratches like this than I can count from Pemberley barns and stables.”

Lizzy only nodded, grateful for his silent understanding.

Chapter 8

On the street Darcy offered his arm and after a short confusion when he tried to match her supposedly shorter strides that weren't so short really they got on well together. Elizabeth was still embarrassed and confused about the incident earlier and only when she realized how hard Darcy tried to engage her in a conversation about various topics to ease the tension did she recovered sufficiently to carry her part of their conversation. A realization made her nearly lapse into silence again. She understood now, hearing him struggle for words, why he chose to stand aside in society. Their situation was awkward, of course, but a man of Darcy's education and understanding could have carried a conversation easier were it not for evident reserve, even shyness, he could not overcome without the greatest of efforts. Lizzy saw now why he didn't feel the necessity to make more efforts towards a skill that didn't come easy for him as long as he managed amongst family, friends and his servants and tenants. She herself had only pursued accomplishments which fitted her own inclination - drawing for example did not.

Of course being able to make conversation was more important than producing watercolors and the notion of some people not being worth the effort - something she felt she couldn't acquit him - was wrong. At the end of her musings Elizabeth shot Darcy an apologetic smile which puzzled him greatly, a look which induced her to smile even more and to introduce the two topics she by now knew to be his favourite ones - Miss Darcy and Pemberley. Upon discussing the hay harvest they reached Mr Gardiner's warehouse. Lizzy led him to her uncle's bureau and offered to wait in case her father would want her presence when fetching Lydia. After a moments hesitation Darcy spoke.

„Miss Bennet, I fear the part of town where they have taken their lodgings is not one suitable for young ladies.“

Elizabeth was about to protest when she saw the merit in his words.

„You are right, I am sure, My aunt will be home by now, I will go and appraise her of the situation and tell her to be ready in case you feel a woman should accompany you after all.“

Darcy, who had instantly known that his remark might bring on her resistance, was glad about her compliance and with a smile and a farewell turned to Mr Gardiner´s door.

Elizabeth walked to Gracechurch street with a spring in her step that struck her as odd under the circumstances. The prospect of seeing an unperturbed Lydia - though Lizzy knew that she ought to be happy about the outcome - and a smirking Wickham was not a much looked forward to.

She tried to persuade herself that the only reason for her merry mood was that Mr Darcy and she had sort of made up. But upon remembering the feeling of holding his hand and his parting smile she had to be honest with herself - it caused her to feel butterflies in her stomach and the knowledge of his steady regard didn´t make her uneasy or ashamed any longer but enveloped her with warmth.

Chapter 9

Posted on Sunday, 2 November 2003

Lydia's wedding day came. The past week had been just as Elizabeth had predicted: Lydia didn't know what she had done so dreadfully wrong and Mr. Wickham, who had been a frequent visitor, disgusted her with his insincerity.

Elizabeth looked forward to talk everything through with Jane but dreaded the time the new couple was about to spend in Hertfordshire before removing to Newcastle.

So when Mrs. Gardiner mentioned an invitation to Lady Dunstable's ball, Elizabeth accepted eagerly. Her wish to be away from Lydia and Wickham overpowering her wish to be near Jane.

She had thought about Mr. Darcy often over the past few days. She wondered whether her father had stayed in contact with him but didn't dare to ask. Sometimes Mr. Bennet talked about a business call or „an agreeable meeting at the bookseller's“ in a certain way, looking at her expectantly. Elizabeth suspected to be the object of her father's teasing but restrained herself from falling into that trap. Mr. Darcy was not a subject she wanted to be teased about.

She tried to keep the rising fear that she might never see him again at bay. Though quite hopeful that he still held her in a tender regard, she could not but recognize that the very object that had brought them closer - Lydia's elopement - would forever keep them apart because of one thing Lizzy was sure - Darcy would never want to be brother in law of Wickham.

Thus with a heavy heart Lizzy mounted the steps of the church, as bridesmaid - though not even Lydia could delude herself as to confuse this farce with a proper wedding. Elizabeth squared her shoulders at the door and braced herself for the view of a smirking Wickham at the end of the aisle. She fixed her view on an ornament on the altar and proceeded, not looking at the bridegroom.

Therefore she missed the sight of an enchanted Darcy. He saw that she'd rather be anywhere else but still couldn't stop himself from imagining her coming up the aisle for him, at their wedding.

When Lizzy, who felt that she no longer could avoid eye contact with her soon to be brother-in-law, beheld his best man she smiled happily. Darcy felt more than common happiness when seeing her features lighten up upon beholding him. Wickham noticed this exchange with curiosity, at first a little bit annoyed that Darcy obviously had earned Elizabeth's favour, but soon he was reconciled because such a connection could only be to his advantage.

„Ah, the bride.“

The vicar alerted the trio to Lydia's progress up the aisle.

The ceremony was brief.

As Elizabeth saw Lydia walking with her husband towards the door, strangely illuminated against the light she could only see the little sister, the energetic and spirited child she had been. Despite her own happiness to be next to Darcy, she could not longer avoid the realization of how bleak Lydia's future would be.

„What a fate!“

Only upon Darcy halting her progress on his arm and facing her with a kind and sympathetic mien did Elizabeth realize that she'd voiced her thoughts aloud.

„Miss Bennet, please believe me that I would never have helped to bring this marriage about would I think her marrying him a worse fate than what she would face otherwise. Although they cannot have a marriage of mutual respect, understanding and the love that stems from these sources I believe Mrs. Wickham will be quite happy with her situation. I cannot overlook Wickham's faults but he is not violent and above all is he vain. He will do his best to keep up appearances, to be idolized by her. In her,er, exuberance and obvious enthusiasm for her husband, your sister won't find anything lacking in her marriage, at least for the first years. After that, only time will tell but I agreed with your father to keep a close eye on him. His new commanding officer in Newcastle will do the same.“

Elizabeth was deeply moved by his speech. Tears glistened in her eyes. Unable to utter a word she simply covered his hand on her arm with hers and nodded.

Darcy was about to say something when the vicar startled them by shaking his keyring.

„I didn't marry the wrong couple, did I?“ he said with a wink.

Elizabeth's and Darcy's faces were immediately overspread with the deepest blush. Darcy mumbled a farewell and they fairly fled the church, the vicar's amused chuckle in their ears.

Outside they stopped and tried to gain their composure again. Elizabeth felt she hadn't been that much embarrassed in her whole life but Darcy was even worse. She took pity on him.

„Come, Mr. Darcy, at least it can't get any worse.“

He searched her face for a clue. Did she have any idea what the vicar's remark had done to him? She had - for it wasn't just pity her eyes conveyed to him but a fond regard and just a hint of a mischievous twinkle, an invitation to see the amusement in their situation and a promise to teach him to take life a little bit easier.

A sound form the waiting party broke their silent communication. Startled, Lizzy nearly stumbled if not for Mr. Darcy taking her elbow.

As Darcy knew that there was little time left before they were to join the others, he gathered his courage. Elizabeth was right, it couldn't get any worse.

„Miss Bennet, it would not do to sprain your ankle if you are attending Lady Dunstable's ball with your aunt and uncle.“

„No it wouldn't. But as I do not know anyone there I will contain myself to watching London fashions, such knowledge will be very much appreciated by my Meryton neighbours.“

„I am sure that your uncle will be applied for an introduction often, you will not suffer from a want of dancing partners.“

Elizabeth was wondering where this conversation was leading to. Surely he couldn't mean to dance with her at a London ball? For if that was indeed the case, if he was not ashamed of being seen with her in London, where the scorn of society would be most violent ...

„I will see, I am determine to make a most delightful evening of it, dancing or not.“

„Would you, er, would you do me the great honour of dancing the first two with me?“

There were the butterflies again.

„I would like that very much, Mr. Darcy.“

„And the dinner dance?“

„Whatever dance you wish.“

The End

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