Your most frequently asked questions about peer pressure.
What are "peers"?
Peers are any persons or group of people who have a close but generic relationship to one another. For instance, people of a similar age group, people in the same circle of friends, people in the same class, people in the same counselling group, people in the same volunteer group, people at the same workplace, people in the same family, etc. In order for a group to be considered a "peer group" we look for one or more of these commonalities. When we speak of teen peer pressure, peers generally refers to people in the same age group (12 - 19) who have one or more of the other relationships listed above in common. The other teens at your school, at your work place or in your social circle are usually what we mean when we talk about peers for the purposes of peer pressure.
What is peer pressure?
Peer pressure is a social force exerted by a group or powerful/admired individual within a group. It is generally a pressure to conform to a social norm within any given group. Not all peer pressure is bad. Social norms are a very important part of human interaction and group dynamics. Social norms are expectations that a group has of its members usually related to behavior. Since most social norms contribute to the smooth interaction of individuals within a society, peer pressure that promotes conforming to these norms serves a positive purpose. When social norms become deviant or harmful or when the social norms in a group are radically different to the generally accepted social norms of a society then we consider them to be "bad". When most people think of peer pressure they are thinking of the pressure to conform to a deviant behavior set. Things like drug use, underage alcohol use, promiscuous sexual conduct, violent or aggressive acting out, or criminal behavior are examples of the negative peer pressure associated with teens.
What is "positive" peer pressure?
Positive peer prssure is a pressure to conform to the expected norms of teens in any given culture. It is more a pressure to conform to positive social expectations than it is a pressure to act out. For example;
A group of teens are wandering around a mall when on of the groups suggests they shoplift. A few kids agree but most of them veto the idea as stupid. In the end the group decides to do something else.
In this example the group adhered to the social norm that stealing is wrong and opted to obey the law even though it meant rejecting the wishes of one of its members. The majority of the group decided not to steal and thie exerted positive peer pressure on the remaining members. That positive peer pressure caused the other teens to decide not to go ahead with the shoplifting plan. In this sense the peer pressure exerted on the kids who wanted to shoplift is seen as positive because it stopped them from doing something that is illegal and not accepted by society as a whole.
Other common examples of positive peer pressure include; the pressure to stay quiet during exams, the pressure to show up at school, the pressure to follow rules that are important to a team or group, the pressure to obey laws, etc.
Why do teens seem to deal with more peer pressure than any other age group?
Teens are not subject to more peer pressure than other age groups. It is a perception myth that has us believeing that teens deal with peer pressure in greater amounts than other groups. What is true of teens more than other groups is the that type of peer pressure they must deal with is often extremely hard to ignore. Since the teen years are a testing ground for the adults we will become, it is very common for the peer pressure faced by teens to encourage behavior that is generally seen as being anti-social or boundary testing. As teens we are finding our way, asserting our independence, and learning for ourselves what is right and what is wrong. Because of the naturally rebellious nature of the teen years the urge to do things just because "the establishment" or "the parents" say you shouldn't is very strong. In being rebellious teens are trying to carve out their own world view and their place within it; they are testing the limits and in doing so, they are testing themselves. Because of this, peer pressure can often lead teens astray. Teens want to assert themselves as able to make their own life decisions and this can cause them to do some extreme acting out; acting out that is often egged on by peer pressure. Because some of the actions that teen peer pressure can lead to are so against the accepted norm of society we tend to think that peer pressure is more prevalent in teen populations. It is not more prevalent, it just shows up in more challenging and unsettling ways.
Why does peer pressure make normally good kids do bad things?
The need to feel accepted is strong during the teen years. Self identity is not yet formed, it is just starting to be discovered, and this can lead to a steady state of uncertainty. Teens want to belong and it is hard to belong if you are always going against the grain. This is why teens are more likely than other groups to succomb to group pressures of conformity. Most often this pressure is not very harmful; teens in the same group will dress the same, talk the same, be interested in the same activities, listen to the same music, and spend time with the same people. But in extreme cases the need to be accepted can lead people to do things that they would not normally do on their own. If a group norm includes drug use and a teen who is not accepted by other groups is accepted in the drug using group they may feel a great deal of pressure to start using themselves. Why? Because the teen who has felt marginalized by other groups has finally found a place where he/she is accepted and they do not want to lose the sense of security that acceptance in a group entails. Friends are a big part of the emerging self identity and the thought of losing them during the early stages of identity development is very hard to face. The irony is that peer pressure to do drugs, or drink alcohol or have sex are often more perception than reality. Teens who fall into groups that engage in these behaviors often feel pressured to conform when the group itself is not really exerting any such pressure. The teens need to fit in causes the pressure, not the actions of the peer group. As one recovering teen drug addict once said, "I never cared if my friends got high or not. If they stayed straight it just left more for me!" The idea that a group with anti-social norms leads good kids astray may not be entirely true; the individuals insecurities may be the real culprit. Peer pressure is much more likely to lead a teen to walk, talk and act a certain way than it is to lead them to do bad, harmful or self destructive things.
Is bullying caused by peer pressure?
Peer pressure most definitely plays a role in bullying. When a teen is generally perceived as weak, odd, or different by the majority of his/her peers he/she becomes a safe target for bullies. If the general opinion of a person is negative a bully is less likely to be rejected or ostracized for picking on them. This is the role that peer pressure plays in bullying. Bullies do not want to be disliked, in fact many kids bully out of a deep sense of insecurity and self loathing, and because of this they do not want to pick on people that will cause the majority of their peers to dislike them. The bully picks an easy target, somebody that others are unlikely to defend or get upset over. The peer pressure to be liked combined with the peer pressure to reject the person who seems different leads to bullies picking on kids who are already struggling with their own social issues. It is a sad and vicious fact that many bullies are very popular with their peers. These bullies have made their popularity contingent on their picking on an outcast peer and the pressure to keep up that image keeps the cycle alive and kicking. The only acception to this are bullies who become bullies because they don't fit in. But as a general rule, most bullies are popular and liked by the majority of their peers - the peers that they leave alone. Sadly, the more popular the bully the less likely adults are to call the behavior bullying. Popular teens often act "appropriately" toward teachers and around adults so they are not percieved as being naturally problematic. Teens who are odd or vastly different tend to act this way around adults as well and this only compounds the problem. The peer pressure to accept people who are well liked or well behaved around authority can even impact how adults behave. If bullying is ever to be stopped, the complex role of peer pressure in the bullying phenomena has to be brought under control.
Can peer pressure be beaten?
Yes and no. Some forms of peer pressure are subtle and hard to combat, other forms are positive and don't need to be eliminated, but when peer pressure is negative there are definite strategies that work to curtail its effects. The best strtegy to combat peer pressure is open and honest communication between teens and the adults in their lives. Studies have shown that teens who feel validated and respected by their parents and teachers are less likely to fall victim to peer pressure and more likely to follow social norms of morality when faced with tough decisions. If a teen feels that acting in a way that adults think is bad, and if they value the opinion those adults have of them, the pressure to keep the good opinion in tact will outweigh any peer pressure they may face. Another key factor is self love; this does not mean conciet but rather a genuine liking of and respect for self. When we like ourselves, when we are very comfortable being ourselves, we won't easily be changed. If you think about which type of people are most respected by peers you will find that they are confident, will stand up for themselves and others, and will appear to have a strong set of personal values. The very best way to beat peer pressure is to find value in things other than acceptance. Value yourself, value your relationships, value the adults in your life who value you, be open and honest about what you believe in, where you stand on issues and what you feel and you will be less likely to succumb to negative peer pressures.
How do you know the difference between good peer pressure and bad peer pressure?
The obvious answer is; if it is illegal, if it causes harm to others or yourself, if it has the potential to harm others or yourself or if it involves lying, sneaking around or other types of self protective deception than it is probably "bad". Keeping a surprise party a secret involves deception but it is not bad because the end justifies the means. When we talk about self protective deception we mean deception that is born from a need or desire to keep oneself out of trouble. Sometimes peer pressure leads us to do something that is not generally accepted but that serves a greater good - something that supports a cause. An example of this is animal rights protesting. Your peers may pressure you to go along on an animal rights protest. In doing so you risk being arrested for disturbing the peace. Is it bad to go? To decide that you need to count on your personal sense of morality and your sense of self - a so called "personal test." A personal test of "good" or "bad" involves identifying how it will make you feel about yourself if you conform. Can you live with yourself if you follow the group? Are you willing to face the fall out even if it means you must bear some negative consequences? Follow your gut instincts rather than your desires - they rarely stear you wrong when you really listen to them.
Can peer pressure be caused by just one person or does it need to be a group?
Yes, peer pressure can definitely be caused by one person. It does not have to be pressure from a group to be considered peer pressure. A boyfriend/girfriend who pressures a steady to have sex is exerting peer pressure. A best friend who tries to get a pal to shoplift is exerting peer pressure. In fact, most teens report feeling peer pressure from individuals more often than from groups. The group dynamic only comes into play in so far as the teen being pressured worries about how the group will react if he/she refuses to conform to the wishes of the individual.
When a boyfriend/girlfriend pressures his/her partner to have sex, is this peer pressure?
As noted in question 9, yes, this is definitely an example of peer pressure. This is probably one of the most common forms of peer pressure faced by older teens and young adults. It is important to know that this is peer pressure and that it has nothing to do with proving love or committment.
What are the most common ways that peer pressure shows up?
Peer pressure shows up in a variety of ways, some positive and some negative.
Some examples of positive peer pressure:
Pressure to follow school or activity group rules.
Pressure to respect the property of others.
Pressure to not drink and drive.
Pressure to join a service group.
Pressure to get into college.
Some examples of negative peer pressure:
Pressure to experiment with drugs or drink alcohol.
Pressure to vandalize public or private property.
Pressure to steal.
Pressure to have a physical confrontation with another teen.
Pressure to have sex before one is ready.
How can you say no to peer pressure without being made fun of?
It is not as hard as one may think to refuse to buckle in to peer pressure. Most teens could care less whether you give in or not, it is how you say no that counts. A few important things to remember when saying "no":
Politely refuse, don't freak out, don't yell, don't call them names. A simple, "Nah, that's not really my thing!" will usually be good enough.
Resist the urge to preech. Don't over explain your position. If your peers are doing something like drugs or alcohol, refuse on behalf of yourself and leave it at that and if it is really bothering you talk to your parents about it later.
Don't put yourself at risk by refusing. If the situation is way out of control quietly and discreetly walk away and try to get help. For instance, if some friends start fighting with another group of teens; leave, get help and if necessary notify authorities. You can do this quietly and discreetly without being found out later saying something like, "Hey man, that was so out of hand I had to get out of there!"
Don't make a scene. The bigger deal YOU make of your saying no, the bigger it will seem to THEM. Whenever possible shrug it off with a "no thanks" and immediately turn your attentions elsewhere.
Remember, in the end, it really only matters what YOU think of YOU. You are the only person who has to live with your choices and the consequences of your actions.
Why do teens tease kids who are different?
It really comes down to immaturity. Teens hate being told they are immature but the fact of the matter is singling people out for being different, especially if that difference is beyond their control, is an extremely immature way of behaving. Being different does not mean you are dangerous, or weird, or undeserving of respect. Unfortunately, because all teens are struggling with identity issues any difference that stands out is usually shunned. There is no good reason why this happens and there is really no good way to stop it from happening. Education about differences, what makes people different, and how these differences really effect how a person behaves is a good start but it won't fix the root of the problem which is a basic and instinctive fear of things that seem radically different from the norm. There is no excuse for this and the best thing to do is ignore harmless differences whenever possible.
Is it really so bad to be different, to stand out from the crowd?
No, there is nothing wrong with being "an original." But if you purposely make yourself stand out from the crowd by dressing or acting a certain way it is niave to think nobody will notice. Be prepared for the ignorance of others and be comfortable enough with who you are to not care what they may say. Different or not you deserve respect, you deserve to be treated with dignity, and you deserve to be happy. If being different makes you happy - more power to you!
If you give in to peer pressure does this mean that you are a follower or that you have no will of your own?
No, if you give in to peer pressure from time to time itmeansyou are human. Even adults have been known to fall victim to the force of peer pressure.. It is the type of peer pressure that you succumb to, not the fact that you give in that matters. If you repetedly find yourself doing things because of peer pressure that you later regret, if you are harming yourself or others, or if you feel bad about yourself for giving in, you should talk to somebody. Otherwise, know that even the strongest willed person can give in to peer pressure.
Why do teens tease kids who are different?
It really comes down to immaturity. Teens hate being told they are immature but the fact of the matter is singling people out for being different, especially if that difference is beyond their control, is an extremely immature way of behaving. Being different does not mean you are dangerous, or weird, or undeserving of respect. Unfortunately, because all teens are struggling with identity issues any difference that stands out is usually shunned. There is no good reason why this happens and there is really no good way to stop it from happening. Education about differences, what makes people different, and how these differences really effect how a person behaves is a good start but it won't fix the root of the problem which is a basic and instinctive fear of things that seem radically different from the norm. There is no excuse for this and the best thing to do is ignore harmless differences whenever possible.
Is it really so bad to be different, to stand out from the crowd?
No, there is nothing wrong with being "an original." But if you purposely make yourself stand out from the crowd by dressing or acting a certain way it is niave to think nobody will notice. Be prepared for the ignorance of others and be comfortable enough with who you are to not care what they may say. Different or not you deserve respect, you deserve to be treated with dignity, and you deserve to be happy. If being different makes you happy - more power to you!
If you give in to peer pressure does this mean that you are a follower or that you have no will of your own?
No, if you give in to peer pressure from time to time itmeansyou are human. Even adults have been known to fall victim to the force of peer pressure.. It is the type of peer pressure that you succumb to, not the fact that you give in that matters. If you repetedly find yourself doing things because of peer pressure that you later regret, if you are harming yourself or others, or if you feel bad about yourself for giving in, you should talk to somebody. Otherwise, know that even the strongest willed person can give in to peer pressure.